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Scene 1 -  The Weight of Performance
INT. CHEERLESS ROOM - DAY
The room is bare, dusty. A ceiling fan turns. The wall clock
ticks. Craig, 30 years old and small, sits at a collapsible
card table. The only item on the table is a book. Craig picks
it up, looks at the jacket. It's entitled "Sit." Craig opens
the book. It reads: "sit sit sit sit sit..." over and over,
page after page. Craig closes the book. He begins to stand,
but thinks better of it, sighs. He looks at the book again.
It is now entitled "Die." He opens it up. "die die die die
die..." A rooster crows.
CUT TO:
INT. CRAIG AND LOTTE'S BEDROOM - MORNING
Craig jolts awake. A rooster stands on Craig's chest, crowing.
Lotte, also 30, in the middle of dressing for work, hurries
in and pulls the bird from Craig's chest.
LOTTE
Sorry, hon. I didn't know Orrin Hatch
was out of his pen. Good morning.
Lotte leans down and kisses Craig on the forehead.
CRAIG
Morning.
LOTTE
Gotta run. Shipment of grub worms
coming in first thing.
CRAIG
Enjoy.
LOTTE
Craig, listen, honey, I've been
thinking... maybe you'd feel better
if you got, you know, a job or
something.
CRAIG
We've been over this. Nobody's looking
for a puppeteer in today's wintry
economic climate.
LOTTE
Well, you know, maybe something else
until this whole puppet thing turns
around.

CRAIG
(bitterly)
The Great Mantini doesn't need a day
job.
LOTTE
(sighs)
Craig, everyone can't be Derek
Mantini.
(beat)
Well, grub worms are waiting. Do me
a favor?
CRAIG
What?
LOTTE
Would you check in on Elijah? He
seems to be a little under the weather
this morning.
CRAIG
Which one is Elijah again?
LOTTE
The monkey.
CRAIG
Yeah. Okay.
CUT TO:
INT. CRAIG AND LOTTE'S GARAGE - MORNING
The place is a mess. Vivaldi blasts through cheap speakers.
A small marionette stage stands in the back of the garage.
The stage is lit and on it is a finely sculpted puppet version
of Craig. The "Craig" puppet paces back and forth, wringing
its hands with incredible subtlety. We see Craig, above and
behind the stage. He is manipulating the puppet. His fingers
move fast and furious. The puppet breaks into a dance, a
beautiful and intricate balletic piece. Soon the puppet is
leaping and tumbling through space, moves that one would
think impossible for a marionette. Sweat appears on the real
Craig’s brow. His fingers move like lightning. The puppet
moves faster and faster. Sweat appears on the puppet's brow.
We see that the sweat is being piped from a special device
that the real Craig controls. The Craig puppet collapses on
the floor of the stage. It puts its hands up to its face and
weeps. Craig hangs the puppet, and comes down around the
front of the stage. He is heaving. He switches off the music,
picks up a beer and takes a swig.
CUT TO:
Genres: ["Drama","Dark Comedy"]

Summary In a surreal dream sequence, Craig, a 30-year-old man, struggles with feelings of stagnation as he reads a book that shifts from urging him to 'Sit' to 'Die'. He wakes up to find a rooster on his chest and his wife Lotte, who expresses concern about his unemployment and suggests he find a job. Craig defensively clings to his identity as the puppeteer 'The Great Mantini'. After a brief conversation, Lotte leaves for work, and Craig goes to the garage where he passionately performs with a puppet version of himself, showcasing his skill but also his exhaustion. The scene ends with Craig, drained from the performance, taking a swig of beer.
Strengths
  • Effective use of puppetry as a metaphor
  • Layered character dynamics
  • Blend of humor and melancholy
Weaknesses
  • Limited external conflict
  • Some dialogue could be more impactful

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively sets a tone of melancholy and introspection while introducing the main character's struggles and relationships. The blend of dark humor and surreal elements adds depth and intrigue to the narrative.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of using puppetry as a metaphor for control, identity, and the struggle for purpose is innovative and thought-provoking. It adds layers of meaning to the narrative and characters.

Plot: 8

The plot introduces the protagonist's internal conflict and sets up potential character development. The scene establishes key relationships and hints at future conflicts and resolutions.

Originality: 9

The scene demonstrates a high level of originality through its unconventional portrayal of a struggling artist, the use of puppetry as a metaphor for personal struggles, and the integration of surreal elements within a mundane setting. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds depth and realism to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters are intriguing and well-defined, with Craig's internal struggles and Lotte's supportive yet pragmatic nature adding depth to the story. The puppetry element enhances character dynamics.

Character Changes: 8

The scene hints at potential character growth for Craig, showcasing his internal struggles and the need for change. Lotte's role also suggests possible shifts in their dynamic.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to grapple with his identity and purpose, particularly in the face of societal expectations and personal aspirations. Craig's struggle with his career as a puppeteer and his partner's suggestion for him to find a 'real' job reflect his internal conflict between following his passion and conforming to societal norms.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to maintain his artistic integrity and pursue his passion for puppeteering despite external pressures to find a conventional job. Craig's dedication to his craft and the emotional investment in his puppet performance highlight his commitment to his external goal.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7.5

The scene contains internal conflicts within the protagonist, interpersonal tensions between Craig and Lotte, and hints at external conflicts related to Craig's career and sense of self.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create conflict and tension, particularly in Craig's internal struggle between artistic passion and financial stability. The audience is left uncertain about the outcome of Craig's decisions, adding a layer of unpredictability to the narrative.

High Stakes: 7

While the stakes are not overtly high in this scene, the emotional and existential stakes for the characters are significant. The outcome of Craig's internal conflict and career decisions could have lasting effects.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by establishing key themes, conflicts, and character dynamics. It sets the stage for future developments and resolutions.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of its unexpected shifts in tone and imagery, the unconventional use of puppetry as a storytelling device, and the nuanced character dynamics that keep the audience guessing about the protagonist's choices and motivations.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene revolves around the tension between artistic fulfillment and financial stability. Craig's artistic pursuits clash with Lotte's practical concerns, reflecting a broader societal debate on the value of creativity versus financial security.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from melancholy and reflection to humor and tension. The use of puppetry adds a layer of emotional complexity and engagement.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue effectively conveys the characters' personalities and relationships. It blends humor with underlying tensions, reflecting the characters' emotional states.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intriguing blend of realism and surrealism, the compelling portrayal of internal and external conflicts, and the dynamic character interactions. The scene's emotional depth and thematic richness captivate the audience's attention.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, alternating between moments of introspection and action. The rhythmic flow of the narrative enhances the scene's emotional impact and maintains the audience's engagement throughout.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene follows the expected conventions for its genre, with clear scene headings, character actions, and dialogue formatting. The visual descriptions and scene directions are concise and effective in conveying the mood and atmosphere.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene effectively transitions between different settings and character interactions, maintaining a coherent narrative flow. The scene adheres to the expected format for its genre while incorporating unique elements that enhance its impact.


Critique
  • The opening dream sequence effectively establishes a surreal tone and introduces Craig's internal conflict through symbolic elements like the book changing from 'Sit' to 'Die', which metaphorically represents his stagnation and existential dread. This is a strong hook for the audience, drawing them into Craig's psyche and setting up the film's themes of identity and control. However, the transition from dream to reality feels somewhat abrupt, with the rooster crowing serving as a literal wake-up call but not fully integrating the dream's symbolism into the waking world, which could make the sequence feel disconnected rather than a seamless extension of Craig's subconscious.
  • The dialogue between Craig and Lotte in the bedroom scene efficiently reveals their relationship dynamics, highlighting Craig's bitterness and Lotte's concern, which underscores the strain in their marriage. This interaction also introduces Craig's passion for puppeteering and his idolization of Derek Mantini, providing early insight into his character. That said, the dialogue can come across as somewhat on-the-nose and stereotypical, with Lotte's suggestion for a job and Craig's defensive response feeling like common tropes in stories about struggling artists. This reduces the nuance, making the characters less relatable and the exchange less engaging for the audience.
  • The cut to the garage and Craig's puppet performance is a visually compelling showcase of his talent and obsession, mirroring the dream sequence's intensity with fast-paced action and emotional depth. The description of Craig's finger movements and the puppet's dance effectively conveys his skill and exhaustion, reinforcing the theme of self-expression through art. However, this section might overwhelm the scene's pacing by shifting focus too quickly from the interpersonal conflict in the bedroom to Craig's solitary ritual, potentially diluting the emotional impact of the earlier conversation and making the scene feel disjointed rather than cohesive.
  • As the first scene in a 60-scene screenplay, it successfully introduces key elements such as Craig's dissatisfaction, his relationship with Lotte, and his puppeteering prowess, which are central to the narrative. The surreal elements and character details create intrigue and set the tone for the film's quirky, introspective style. Nevertheless, the scene could better serve as an entry point by more explicitly teasing the larger story arcs, such as the portal or Craig's identity crisis, without revealing too much. Currently, it focuses heavily on Craig's personal world, which might not immediately raise the stakes or pose a compelling question to keep viewers invested beyond the initial curiosity.
  • The visual and auditory details, like the ticking clock, turning fan, and Vivaldi music, enhance the atmosphere and emphasize Craig's isolation and intensity. These elements are well-chosen to reflect his mental state and add depth to the scene. However, the reliance on descriptive action lines for emotional conveyance might limit the audience's ability to infer subtext, making the scene feel more tell than show in places. For instance, Craig's sigh and reconsideration in the dream could be amplified through more subtle cues to engage the audience's imagination and strengthen the overall cinematic quality.
Suggestions
  • Enhance the dream sequence by adding more symbolic connections to Craig's waking life, such as incorporating puppet-like elements or references to his idol, Derek Mantini, to create a smoother thematic bridge to the reality sections and better foreshadow the film's central motifs.
  • Refine the dialogue in the bedroom scene to incorporate more subtext and subtlety; for example, have Lotte show her concern through actions or indirect comments rather than direct suggestions, and allow Craig's bitterness to emerge through nuanced responses, making the interaction feel more natural and less expository.
  • Add a transitional moment between the bedroom and garage scenes, such as a brief shot of Craig reflecting on the conversation or moving purposefully to the garage, to improve flow and maintain emotional continuity, ensuring the audience feels the scene builds progressively rather than jumping abruptly.
  • Strengthen the hook by ending the scene on a more intriguing note, perhaps with a close-up on Craig's exhausted face or a subtle hint at the surreal elements to come, which would propel the audience into the next scene with greater anticipation and curiosity about Craig's journey.
  • Tighten the puppet performance description to focus on the most evocative moments, reducing redundancy in the action lines to heighten pacing and impact; additionally, consider incorporating sensory details or internal monologue to deepen the audience's understanding of Craig's emotional state without over-explaining.



Scene 2 -  Craig's Transformation
INT. CRAIG AND LOTTE'S LIVING ROOM - DAY
The room is filled with penned and unpenned animals of all
kinds: snakes, lizards, birds, a dog, cats, etc. Craig sits
on the couch and looks at the want ads, the TV is on in the
background. Elijah, the monkey, sits next to Craig holding
his stomach and moaning weakly. On the TV, Derek Mantini is
working a 60 foot high marionette from the top of a water
tower. The assembled crowd is enthralled.
TV ANNOUNCER
The crowd is enthralled as Derek
Mantini, arguably the greatest
puppeteer in the history of the world,
performs "The Belle of Amherst" with
his 60 foot Emily Dickinson puppet,
directed by the inimitable Charles
Nelson Reilly.
Charles Nelson Reilly floats by in a hot air balloon.
CHARLES NELSON REILLY
Beautiful, beautiful! Nyong-nyong.
CRAIG
Gimmicky bastard.
Craig switches off the TV. He comes across an ad for a female
puppeteer to teach at a girls school. Craig rubs his chin in
thought, then stands with great determination.
MUSIC IN: TRIUMPHANT
CUT TO:
INT. CRAIG AND LOTTE'S BEDROOM - DAY
Craig searches through Lotte's closet, looking for the right
dress.
CUT TO:
INT. CRAIG AND LOTTE'S BATHROOM - DAY
Craig waxes his body, shaves his face.
CUT TO:
INT. CRAIG AND LOTTE'S BEDROOM - DAY
Craig paints his nails while he chats on the phone. Craig
pulls stockings and underwear from Lotte's drawer. Craig
picks a wig from a mannequin head on Lotte's dressing table.
CUT TO:

INT. CRAIG AND LOTTE'S LIVING ROOM - DAY
Craig, at the sewing machine, is sewing padding to go onto
his chest and around his hips.
CUT TO:
INT. CRAIG AND LOTTE'S BATHROOM - DAY
Craig applies make up in the bathroom mirror.
CUT TO:
INT. CRAIG AND LOTTE'S BEDROOM - DAY
Craig, now looking very much like a woman, admires himself
in the full length mirror.
CUT TO:
EXT. STREET - DAY
Craig hails a taxi in his get-up. Men on the street turn and
leer at him.
CUT TO:
Genres: ["Drama","Comedy"]

Summary In this comedic scene, Craig, surrounded by a chaotic mix of animals in his home, expresses disdain for a successful puppeteer on TV. Inspired by a want ad for a female puppeteer position, he embarks on a humorous transformation, cross-dressing and preparing meticulously. The scene showcases his determination as he waxes, shaves, and applies makeup, ultimately emerging in a convincing female disguise. The scene concludes with Craig hailing a taxi on the street, drawing attention from passersby.
Strengths
  • Effective character development
  • Surreal and satirical elements
  • Significant transformation of the protagonist
Weaknesses
  • Potential tonal shifts
  • Limited exploration of secondary characters

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively blends surrealism, humor, and character development. It introduces a significant transformation for the protagonist, setting up potential conflicts and growth.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the protagonist exploring a new opportunity as a puppeteer adds depth to the character and opens up avenues for conflict and growth. The scene introduces a fresh direction for the story.

Plot: 8

The plot advances significantly with the protagonist's decision to pursue a new path as a puppeteer. It introduces new conflicts and opportunities for character development.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on exploring gender identity and societal norms through the protagonist's transformation into a female puppeteer. The dialogue and actions feel authentic and original.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters, especially the protagonist, are well-developed in this scene. The transformation of the protagonist adds layers to his personality and sets up potential conflicts with others.

Character Changes: 9

The transformation of the protagonist marks a significant change in his character arc. It opens up new possibilities for growth, conflict, and self-discovery.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to explore a new identity and challenge societal norms. This reflects a deeper desire for self-expression and breaking free from constraints.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to apply for a job as a female puppeteer at a girls' school. This goal reflects the immediate challenge of finding a new job and stepping into a different role.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7.5

The conflict is subtly introduced through the protagonist's internal struggles and potential conflicts with others. It sets up tension and anticipation for future developments.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is moderate, with societal norms and expectations acting as obstacles for the protagonist's transformation.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are moderately high as the protagonist embarks on a new path that could lead to success or failure. The potential conflicts and challenges ahead raise the stakes for the character.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward significantly by introducing a new direction for the protagonist and setting up potential conflicts and resolutions. It adds depth to the narrative and keeps the audience engaged.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected nature of the protagonist's actions and the surreal elements introduced.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around societal expectations of gender roles and the protagonist's desire to challenge and redefine them. It challenges traditional beliefs and norms regarding gender identity.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from bitterness to triumph. The transformation of the protagonist adds emotional depth and sets the stage for further character exploration.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue effectively conveys the bitterness and determination of the protagonist. It sets the tone for the scene and hints at future conflicts and resolutions.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its blend of humor, surreal elements, and the protagonist's transformation journey, keeping the audience intrigued.

Pacing: 8

The pacing effectively captures the protagonist's transformation process, building tension and curiosity throughout the scene.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting aligns with the genre expectations, effectively conveying the visual and narrative elements of the scene.

Structure: 8

The structure follows a non-linear progression, moving between different locations to show the protagonist's transformation process effectively.


Critique
  • This scene effectively establishes Craig's deep-seated obsession with puppeteering and his rivalry with Derek Mantini, building on the previous scene's depiction of his personal struggles. The transition from watching Mantini's grandiose performance on TV to Craig's disdainful reaction and subsequent decision to disguise himself highlights his envy and desperation, which are key to his character arc. However, the rapid series of cuts during the disguise process feels somewhat disjointed, potentially overwhelming the audience and reducing emotional investment, as it prioritizes visual comedy over deeper character insight. In screenwriting, such montages can work for pacing, but here it might benefit from more connective tissue to make Craig's transformation feel less abrupt and more psychologically grounded.
  • The use of the animal-filled living room as a setting adds a layer of chaos and eccentricity that mirrors Craig's internal turmoil and the couple's unconventional life, which is consistent with the script's surreal tone. However, the animals are mostly background elements without significant interaction, which could be an opportunity to deepen the scene's texture. For instance, Elijah the monkey's weak moaning is noted but not engaged with beyond Craig's initial agreement to check on him in the previous scene, making it feel like a missed chance to show Craig's relationships or add humorous or symbolic elements that tie into the broader narrative of identity and control.
  • Dialogue in this scene is sparse and functional, with Craig's insult toward Mantini ('Gimmicky bastard') providing a sharp, character-defining moment that underscores his bitterness. Yet, the unspecified phone conversation during the disguise process lacks detail, which could leave readers or viewers confused about its content and purpose. As a screenwriting teacher, I'd note that dialogue should serve multiple purposes—revealing character, advancing plot, or providing humor—and here, elaborating on this conversation could add depth, such as Craig practicing a feminine voice or discussing his plan, making the scene more engaging and less reliant on visual action alone.
  • Thematically, the scene reinforces the script's exploration of identity, as Craig literally adopts a new persona to pursue his passion, echoing the dream sequence from Scene 1 where he grapples with stagnation and change. This is a strong point, as it maintains momentum in character development, but the cross-dressing element risks coming across as stereotypical or comedic without sufficient nuance, potentially undermining the seriousness of Craig's emotional state. A critique for improvement would be to ensure that such elements are handled with sensitivity to avoid reinforcing tropes, especially in a story that delves into deeper psychological themes.
  • Visually, the scene is cinematic with its quick cuts and triumphant music cue, effectively conveying Craig's determination and the satirical edge of the narrative. The ending, with Craig hailing a taxi and attracting leers, provides a humorous payoff that contrasts his internal world with societal perceptions. However, this visual style might feel over-reliant on montage, which can sometimes flatten character moments in favor of spectacle. As an expert, I'd suggest that while this approach suits the comedic tone, balancing it with quieter, more introspective beats could enhance audience empathy and make the humor more earned rather than slapstick.
Suggestions
  • Add a brief internal monologue or voice-over during the disguise sequence to reveal Craig's thoughts, such as his justification for cross-dressing or his excitement/fear, to make the transformation more relatable and less abrupt.
  • Incorporate more interaction with the animals in the living room to heighten the chaos and add humor; for example, have Elijah react to Craig's actions or cause a minor disruption that comments on his emotional state.
  • Specify the content of the phone conversation to add depth and humor, perhaps having Craig rehearse lines for the job interview or confide in a friend, which could provide insight into his character and improve narrative flow.
  • Slow down the pacing in one or two of the cut sequences by extending a moment, such as lingering on Craig's reflection in the mirror during makeup application, to build tension and allow for more emotional resonance.
  • Strengthen the connection to the previous scene by referencing Craig's exhaustion from the puppet performance or Lotte's concern about his job search, creating a smoother transition and reinforcing character continuity.



Scene 3 -  The Puppeteer's Struggle
INT. HEADMISTRESS’S OFFICE - DAY
Craig and the headmistress chat over tea. Craig is quite
animated and charming. The admiring headmistress smiles and
nods her head in approval.
CUT TO:
INT. CLASSROOM - DAY
Craig instructs a class of uniformed girls. He draws complex
diagrams of puppets on the blackboard. The students are
transfixed, except for one troubled girl who eyes Craig
sullenly from the back of the room as she plays with a
switchblade.
CUT TO:
INT. THEATER - DAY
Craig guides the hands of the troubled teenage girl, who is
trying to manipulate a marionette. The girl looks up at Craig.
Her tough facade crumbles and she smiles. Craig smiles back.
CUT TO:

EXT. SCHOOL GROUNDS - DAY
The girls carry Craig on their shoulders. Everyone is joyous.
CUT TO:
EXT. COUNTRY ROAD - DAY
Craig leads the girls in a bike race. Everyone is laughing
and screaming. One of the girls notices that Craig is riding
a man's bike.
MUSIC OUT.
CUT TO:
INT. JAIL CELL - NIGHT
Craig sits in a holding cell with several other men. He is
still in the dress, but the wig is in his lap and the make-
up is smeared off. Lotte appears with a cop outside Craig's
cell. The door is opened, and Craig, Lotte, and the cop head
down the hall.
CUT TO:
INT. CAR - NIGHT
Lotte drives. Craig looks out the window. Both are silent.
LOTTE
(finally)
Is the trial date set?
CRAIG
May 11th.
More silence.
LOTTE
Why'd you do it, Craig?
CRAIG
I'm a puppeteer.
They drive in silence.
CUT TO:
INT. CRAIG AND LOTTE'S LIVING ROOM - MORNING
Craig sits on the couch in his bathrobe and studies the want
ads. He sees an ad for a company called "WOMYN-TEERS", looking
for "an African-American, Lesbian Separatist Puppeteer for
Community Outreach."

Craig rubs his chin in thought, stands with determination.
MUSIC IN: SAME AS BEFORE.
CUT TO:
INT. CRAIG AND LOTTE'S BATHROOM - MORNING
Craig applies a dark pancake make-up to his face.
CUT TO:
INT. CRAIG AND LOTTE'S BEDROOM - MORNING
Craig pulls an afro-style wig off a mannequin head on Lotte's
dressing table.
CUT TO:
EXT. STREET - MORNING
Craig, now made up to look like a black, lesbian separatist,
hails a cab. Women look at him longingly.
CUT TO:
INT. CAR - NIGHT
Craig, dressed as the black lesbian and beaten to a pulp.
sits in the passenger seat. Lotte drives.
LOTTE
(finally)
Why, Craig. why?
CRAIG
(through fat lip)
I... puppeteer.
CUT TO:
Genres: ["Drama","Comedy"]

Summary In this scene, Craig engages in a lively conversation with the headmistress and teaches a class of girls, particularly connecting with a troubled student. As he guides her in a theater, her tough demeanor softens, leading to a joyful celebration with the girls. However, the tone shifts dramatically when Craig is arrested and later bailed out by Lotte, who questions his choices. The next morning, Craig contemplates a new opportunity as he prepares to disguise himself for a community outreach role. The scene concludes with Craig, beaten and bloodied, reaffirming his identity as a puppeteer to Lotte, highlighting his ongoing struggle for acceptance.
Strengths
  • Nuanced character development
  • Emotional depth
  • Unique thematic exploration
Weaknesses
  • Potential pacing issues in certain transitions

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.7

The scene effectively blends drama and humor while delving into complex themes. It showcases character development and emotional depth.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of exploring gender identity through puppeteering is unique and thought-provoking. It adds depth to the character and story.

Plot: 8.5

The plot advances through Craig's decision to take on a new role, leading to conflict and emotional revelations. It drives character growth.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on the theme of self-discovery and acceptance through the lens of puppeteering. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and offer a unique perspective on personal growth and societal expectations.


Character Development

Characters: 8.7

The characters are well-developed, especially Craig, whose internal struggles are portrayed with nuance. Lotte's role adds depth to the dynamics.

Character Changes: 9

Craig undergoes significant transformation, both physically and emotionally, leading to a shift in perspective and self-awareness.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to connect with troubled individuals through his puppeteering skills and to find purpose and fulfillment in his work. This reflects his deeper desire for understanding and making a positive impact on others.

External Goal: 7.5

The protagonist's external goal is to navigate the challenges of his legal situation and personal relationships, particularly with Lotte. His actions reflect a desire to maintain his identity and passion for puppeteering despite external pressures.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7.8

The conflict arises from Craig's internal struggles and societal pressures, creating tension and emotional depth.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist facing internal and external challenges that test his beliefs and identity. The uncertainty surrounding his choices adds depth to the narrative and keeps the audience invested.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are moderately high, primarily in terms of personal identity and relationships, driving the character's decisions and actions.

Story Forward: 9

The scene propels the story forward by introducing new challenges and dilemmas for the characters, setting up future conflicts.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists in the protagonist's actions and the evolving dynamics between characters. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of how the story will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict revolves around the protagonist's identity as a puppeteer and the societal expectations and judgments placed upon him. This challenges his beliefs about self-expression and the value of his art in the face of adversity.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.9

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from humor to introspection, resonating with the audience and deepening the character connections.

Dialogue: 8.3

The dialogue is engaging and reveals character motivations effectively. It contributes to the emotional impact of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its dynamic character interactions, emotional depth, and thematic complexity. The audience is drawn into the protagonist's journey and the challenges he faces, creating a compelling narrative.

Pacing: 8.5

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and emotional resonance, allowing for moments of reflection and action to coexist harmoniously. The rhythm enhances the scene's impact and keeps the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting adheres to industry standards and effectively conveys the visual and emotional elements of the scene. The scene descriptions and character actions are clear and concise.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a coherent structure that effectively transitions between different settings and character interactions. The pacing and formatting align with the genre expectations, enhancing the narrative flow.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures Craig's obsessive pursuit of his puppeteer identity through a series of comedic and absurd disguises, mirroring the themes established in earlier scenes of desperation and stagnation. However, the rapid succession of locations and time jumps—such as from the school grounds to a jail cell and then to another disguise preparation—creates a fragmented narrative that may disorient viewers. This lack of smooth transitions could dilute the emotional impact, making it harder for the audience to connect with Craig's internal struggles or the escalating consequences of his actions.
  • While the humor derived from Craig's disguises and failures is engaging and fits the surreal tone of the script, the abrupt events like his arrest and subsequent beating feel underdeveloped. For instance, the transition from a joyous bike race to imprisonment lacks clear cause-and-effect, which might confuse viewers and reduce the scene's comedic potency. This could be an opportunity to better integrate foreshadowing or subtle hints from previous scenes to make these events feel more organic and less like random plot devices.
  • Dialogue is sparse and repetitive, with phrases like 'I'm a puppeteer' serving as a motif but potentially becoming redundant. In the car rides with Lotte, the exchanges are brief and lack depth, missing a chance to explore their deteriorating relationship or Craig's psychological state. This repetition might underscore Craig's fixation but fails to provide new insights, making the interactions feel static rather than dynamic, which could benefit from more nuanced character development to heighten emotional stakes.
  • The visual elements are strong and imaginative, such as the bike race revealing Craig's disguise flaw and the smeared makeup in the jail cell, which effectively convey his unraveling facade. However, these visuals are not always tied cohesively to the overarching themes or character arcs, such as the dream sequence from Scene 1 or the jealousy of Derek Mantini in Scene 2. This disconnection might weaken the scene's role in building tension and could be refined to create a more unified narrative thread.
  • The scene's portrayal of sensitive topics, like Craig's cross-dressing and racial disguise, walks a fine line between satire and stereotype. While it aims for absurdity, the lack of critical commentary or self-awareness in Craig's actions might come across as insensitive or outdated, potentially alienating modern audiences. Additionally, the troubled girl's subplot with the switchblade introduces a darker element that is quickly resolved, feeling underdeveloped and disconnected from the main action, which could be expanded or integrated more meaningfully to add layers to Craig's character.
  • Overall, Scene 3 advances the plot by showing Craig's repeated failures and determination, reinforcing his identity crisis, but it sacrifices pacing and character depth for comedic breadth. Compared to the more contained and introspective Scene 1 or the focused transformation in Scene 2, this scene feels busier without proportional payoff, which might make it challenging for viewers to empathize with Craig or understand the story's progression in a 60-scene script.
Suggestions
  • To improve flow, add brief transitional shots or voiceovers that bridge the location jumps, such as a quick cut to Craig reflecting on his failures or a newspaper headline explaining the arrest, making the scene less disjointed and more engaging.
  • Enhance the buildup to key events by including subtle foreshadowing, like a hint of suspicion during the bike race that leads to arrest, or expanding the jail cell scene with more interaction to show Craig's embarrassment and Lotte's frustration, providing clearer motivation and emotional weight.
  • Develop dialogue to be more varied and revealing; for example, in the car scenes with Lotte, incorporate discussions about their marriage or Craig's fears to add depth and reduce repetition, helping to build character relationships and thematic resonance.
  • Strengthen visual storytelling by using puppeteer motifs consistently, such as showing Craig's hands manipulating strings in metaphorical ways during disguise changes, to tie back to his core identity and create a more cohesive visual language throughout the scene.
  • Address sensitivity issues by adding layers to Craig's disguises, perhaps through internal monologue or reactions from other characters that highlight the absurdity and consequences, ensuring the humor is inclusive and self-aware to avoid offending audiences.
  • Balance the comedic elements with moments of sincerity, such as a quiet beat after the beating where Craig reflects on his actions, to give the scene emotional variety and better prepare for future developments, making Craig's arc more compelling and the scene a stronger narrative pivot.



Scene 4 -  Craig's Quirky Quest for Puppeteering
INT. CRAIG AND LOTTE'S LIVING ROOM - DAY
Craig reads the paper. He comes across an ad: "Female
puppeteer wanted for nudist colony marionette staging of
'Oh, Calcutta!'" Craig rubs his chin.
CUT TO:
INT. CAR - NIGHT
Craig sits in the passenger seat. He is made up as a woman
and wears a full-body rubber "naked woman" suit. Lotte
drives.

LOTTE
(finally)
You know, maybe you should speak to
someone about this.
CUT TO:
INT. CRAIG AND LOTTE' S LIVING ROOM - DAY
Craig sees a personal ad: "Male puppeteer looking for
attractive female puppeteer for friendship, travel, and much
much more." Craig rubs his chin, then thinks better of it
and sighs. He finds a want ad calling for a “short-statured
file clerk with unusually nimble and dexterous fingers needed
for speed filing." Craig writes down the address.
CUT TO:
INT. OFFICE BUILDING LOBBY - DAY
Craig. in sport coat and tie, studies the business listings
board. He finds LesterCorp, and sees that it is located on
floor 7 1/2. Craig presses the elevator button and waits.
Another man comes and waits next to him. The doors open, and
Craig and the other man get in.
CUT TO:
INT. ELEVATOR - CONTINUOUS
The other man presses "9." Craig studies the buttons. There
is no "7 1/2."
MAN #1
Seven and a half, right?
CRAIG
Uh. yeah.
MAN #1
I'll take you through it.
The man picks up a crowbar leaning in the corner. He watches
the floor numbers light up in succession. After "7" and before
"8", the man hits the emergency stop button. The elevator
slams to a halt. The man pries open the doors with the
crowbar. Revealed is a standard office building hallway,
except that from floor to ceiling it is only about four feet
high. Everything is scaled down accordingly. The number on
the wall across from the elevator is 7 1/2.
MAN #1
Seven and a half.

CRAIG
Thank you.
Craig climbs out onto the 7 1/2 floor.
CUT TO:
INT. SEVEN AND A HALF FLOOR - CONTINUOUS
Craig, hunched-over, makes his way down the hallway looking
for LesterCorp. He passes a hunched-over man walking in the
other direction. They nod to each other. Craig finds a door
marked "LesterCorp - Meeting America's Filing Needs Since
1922." He enters.
CUT TO:
Genres: ["Comedy","Drama"]

Summary In this scene, Craig contemplates a career in puppeteering while navigating his eccentricities. He starts in his living room, intrigued by an ad for a female puppeteer, then transitions to a night-time car ride with Lotte, who expresses concern for his behavior. The scene shifts to an office building where Craig struggles to find the elusive 7.5 floor, aided by a helpful stranger. After a humorous elevator mishap, he enters a miniature hallway, highlighting his isolation and the absurdity of his pursuits, before finally reaching the LesterCorp office.
Strengths
  • Surreal setting
  • Quirky interactions
  • Blend of comedy and drama
Weaknesses
  • Potential confusion for some viewers due to the surreal nature of the scene

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.2

The scene effectively combines elements of comedy and drama with a surreal twist, engaging the audience through unexpected and quirky situations. The unique setting and interactions add depth to the narrative.


Story Content

Concept: 8.3

The concept of discovering a 7 1/2 floor in an office building is innovative and adds a unique twist to the narrative, showcasing the protagonist's journey through unexpected challenges and absurd situations.

Plot: 8

The plot progression in the scene is driven by the protagonist's encounter with the unusual 7 1/2 floor, leading to a series of comedic and dramatic interactions that contribute to the overall narrative development.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces fresh and absurd situations like the 7 1/2 floor in an office building, adding a unique twist to the protagonist's job search. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and unexpected.


Character Development

Characters: 8.2

The characters in the scene, especially the protagonist, are engaging and react authentically to the bizarre circumstances they face. Their responses add depth to the comedic and dramatic elements of the scene.

Character Changes: 7

The protagonist undergoes a subtle change as they adapt to the bizarre situation of the 7 1/2 floor, showcasing resilience and flexibility in the face of unexpected challenges.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to find a job or purpose that suits his unique skills and interests. This reflects his deeper need for fulfillment and validation in his life choices.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to secure a job or opportunity that aligns with his talents and aspirations. This reflects the immediate challenge of finding employment and direction in his life.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict in the scene arises from the protagonist's struggle to navigate the unusual 7 1/2 floor and the challenges it presents, adding tension and humor to the narrative.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create tension and uncertainty, particularly with the discovery of the 7 1/2 floor and the protagonist's unconventional job search.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are raised as the protagonist encounters the unusual 7 1/2 floor, facing challenges that test their resilience and adaptability in a surreal and comedic setting.

Story Forward: 8

The scene propels the story forward by introducing a new and unexpected element that challenges the protagonist, setting the stage for further developments and character growth.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the surreal and unexpected events that unfold, such as the discovery of the 7 1/2 floor in the office building. The audience is kept on their toes.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the idea of fitting in or conforming to societal norms versus embracing one's uniqueness and pursuing unconventional paths. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs about success and fulfillment.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7.5

The scene evokes a mix of emotions, including confusion, curiosity, and humor, engaging the audience on both intellectual and emotional levels through the protagonist's surreal experiences.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the confusion and humor of the situation, enhancing the interactions between characters and contributing to the overall tone of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its blend of humor, mystery, and absurdity. The audience is drawn into the protagonist's unconventional journey and the unexpected twists in the plot.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is well-crafted, with a balance of humor, tension, and discovery. The rhythm of the dialogue and actions enhances the scene's effectiveness.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting adheres to the expected format for a screenplay, effectively conveying the visual and narrative elements of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a non-linear structure that enhances the comedic and surreal elements. The pacing and transitions are well-executed, keeping the audience engaged.


Critique
  • This scene effectively continues the theme of Craig's obsessive pursuit of puppeteering through increasingly absurd disguises and job hunts, building on the desperation shown in previous scenes. However, the rapid cuts between different locations and times can feel disjointed, potentially disorienting the audience and diluting the emotional impact. For instance, the transition from Craig reading ads in the living room to being in a car with Lotte in a full disguise lacks smooth bridging, making it hard for viewers to fully grasp the passage of time or the escalation of his behavior, which could undermine the surreal humor and thematic depth established earlier.
  • Character development for Craig is prominent, showcasing his internal conflict and reluctance to abandon his identity as a puppeteer, but the scene misses opportunities to delve deeper into his psyche. His repeated chin-rubbing and sighing are telling physical ticks, yet they are underutilized; for example, when he considers the personal ad and sighs, it hints at loneliness and regret, but this isn't explored, leaving Craig feeling more like a caricature of obsession rather than a fully realized character. Additionally, Lotte's brief appearance in the car scene highlights their strained relationship, but her dialogue is minimal and functional, not conveying the emotional weight of their ongoing conflicts from scenes 1 and 3.
  • The visual elements are strong and cinematic, particularly the reveal of the 7.5 floor with its scaled-down hallway, which adds to the film's surreal tone and foreshadows future plot points. However, the humor derived from Craig's disguises, like the rubber suit, feels somewhat muted and could be amplified for better comedic effect. The scene's reliance on action over dialogue means that key moments, such as the elevator interaction with Man #1, come across as expository rather than organic, which might make the world-building feel forced and less immersive for the audience.
  • Pacing is brisk, mirroring Craig's frantic energy, but this can lead to a lack of breathing room for important beats. The scene jumps quickly from one idea to another—considering various jobs, applying for the file clerk position, and discovering the 7.5 floor—without allowing moments for reflection or tension to build. This rapid-fire approach works for comedy but risks overwhelming the viewer, especially since the previous scenes (like scene 3's arrest and beating) end on a high-stakes note that isn't adequately connected here, making Craig's shift to a new job hunt feel abrupt and unearned.
  • Dialogue is sparse, which suits the scene's focus on Craig's solitary actions, but what's present, like Lotte's suggestion to 'speak to someone,' lacks depth and could better tie into the overarching themes of identity and mental health. This line feels like a throwaway, not fully capitalizing on Lotte's character as a concerned spouse from earlier scenes. Overall, the scene reinforces the film's exploration of escapism and self-deception but does so in a way that feels repetitive without advancing Craig's arc significantly, as his puppeteer obsession is reiterated rather than evolved.
  • Thematically, the scene aligns well with the screenplay's motifs of disguise and the search for fulfillment, but it could strengthen the connection to the dream sequence in scene 1, where Craig's anxiety is first hinted at. The 'Die' book from the dream parallels his risky behaviors here, yet this isn't explicitly linked, missing a chance to create a cohesive narrative thread. Additionally, the introduction of the 7.5 floor is a pivotal moment that sets up the portal discovery, but its presentation as a quirky oddity rather than a mysterious anomaly reduces its potential for building suspense and intrigue.
Suggestions
  • Add transitional elements, such as brief voice-over or intercut flashes of Craig's thoughts, to smooth the cuts between locations and clarify time jumps, making the scene less disjointed and more engaging.
  • Expand Lotte's dialogue in the car scene to reveal more about their relationship, perhaps having her reference specific past events from scene 1 or 3 to heighten emotional stakes and show character growth.
  • Incorporate more internal monologue or subtle visual cues (e.g., Craig glancing at a mirror during disguises) to deepen his character development and explore his loneliness and obsession beyond physical actions.
  • Slow down the pacing in key moments, like the elevator ride to the 7.5 floor, by adding descriptive beats or humorous interactions with Man #1 to build tension and emphasize the surreal elements without rushing.
  • Enhance comedic aspects by exaggerating Craig's reactions to the ads or his disguises, such as adding a funny mishap with the rubber suit, to better align with the film's humorous tone and make the scene more memorable.
  • Strengthen thematic ties by including subtle callbacks to the dream sequence, like recurring imagery of confinement or repetition, to make Craig's journey feel more interconnected and purposeful within the larger narrative.



Scene 5 -  Miscommunication at LesterCorp
INT. LESTERCORP RECEPTION AREA - CONTINUOUS
All furniture is scaled down to fit into this low-ceilinged
space. A few other short men sit reading tiny magazines.
Craig approaches Floris, the receptionist.
FLORIS
Welcome to LesterCorp. May we meet
your filing needs?
CRAIG
No, uh, my name is Craig Schwartz.
I have an interview with Mr. Lester.
FLORIS
Please have a seat, Mr. Juarez...
CRAIG
Schwartz.
FLORIS
Pardon?
CRAIG
Schwartz.
FLORIS
I'm sorry, I'm afraid I have no idea
what you're saying right now.
CRAIG
My name is Schwartz.
FLORIS
Money, Miss Warts?
CRAIG
Forget it.

Craig takes a seat next to the other applicants.
FLORIS
(calling across the
room)
Fork ah did?
The intercom buzzes. Floris picks it up.
FLORIS
(to Craig)
Mr. Juarez?
CRAIG
Yes?
FLORIS
Yex?
CRAIG
I said "yes."
FLORIS
You suggest what? I have no time for
piddling suggestions from mumbling
job applicants, my good man. Besides,
Dr. Lester will see you now. I think
that's what he said.
Craig stands, opens Lester's door, and enters.
CUT TO:
Genres: ["Comedy","Drama"]

Summary In the LesterCorp reception area, Craig Schwartz arrives for an interview but faces a series of humorous miscommunications with the receptionist, Floris, who repeatedly mishears his name and words. Despite his attempts to correct her, the confusion escalates, leading to frustration. Other short applicants sit quietly, adding to the absurdity of the scene. Eventually, Floris announces that Dr. Lester will see Craig, prompting him to enter the office, concluding the scene.
Strengths
  • Unique setting
  • Witty dialogue
  • Character dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Potential confusion for the audience due to the surreal elements

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.2

The scene is well-crafted with a blend of comedy, drama, and surreal elements. The quirky tone and absurd setting create an engaging and memorable experience for the audience.


Story Content

Concept: 8.3

The concept of a miniature interview in a low-ceilinged space is creative and adds a layer of absurdity to the scene. It showcases the character's journey in a unique and entertaining way.

Plot: 8

The plot progression in the scene is driven by the character's interview with Mr. Lester, introducing a new challenge and setting for the protagonist. It adds depth to the overall storyline.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh and original approach to depicting a job interview setting by infusing it with surreal elements and comedic misunderstandings. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and contribute to the scene's uniqueness.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters in the scene, especially Craig and Floris, are well-developed and contribute to the humor and confusion of the situation. Their interactions are engaging and entertaining.

Character Changes: 8

Craig undergoes a subtle change in the scene as he navigates the challenges of the miniature interview, asserting his identity and facing the absurdity of the situation. The experience shapes his character development.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to navigate the absurd and confusing interactions at LesterCorp while maintaining his composure. This reflects his need to assert his identity and be taken seriously despite the challenges he faces.

External Goal: 6.5

The protagonist's external goal is to have a successful interview with Mr. Lester. This goal reflects the immediate challenge of making a good impression and securing a job opportunity.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict in the scene is primarily internal, as Craig faces the challenge of asserting his identity in a surreal and confusing environment. The conflict adds tension and humor to the scene.

Opposition: 7.5

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create comedic tension and uncertainty about the protagonist's interview outcome. The misunderstandings and communication barriers add complexity to the conflict.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes in the scene are moderate, focusing on Craig's internal struggle to assert his identity in a surreal and challenging environment. The outcome of the interview has implications for his character development.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing a new setting and challenge for the protagonist, setting the stage for further character development and plot progression. It adds depth to the narrative.

Unpredictability: 8.5

This scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected misunderstandings and humorous twists in the dialogue. The audience is kept on their toes, unsure of how each interaction will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the clash between clear communication and misinterpretation. The protagonist's straightforward attempts to convey his name are consistently misunderstood by the receptionist, highlighting the challenge of effective communication in a humorous way.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7.5

The scene evokes a mix of emotions, including confusion, humor, and empathy for Craig's predicament. The surreal setting and character interactions contribute to the emotional impact.

Dialogue: 8.2

The dialogue in the scene is witty, quirky, and reflective of the surreal setting. It enhances the character dynamics and adds to the overall humor and tone of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its witty dialogue, absurd situations, and comedic exchanges that keep the audience entertained and curious about the protagonist's interview experience.

Pacing: 8.5

The pacing of the scene is well-crafted, with a balance of dialogue exchanges, character movements, and comedic beats that maintain the audience's interest and build anticipation for the protagonist's interview.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting adheres to the standard screenplay format, with proper scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting. It is clear and easy to follow, enhancing the readability of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected format for a comedic screenplay, with clear character introductions, dialogue exchanges, and a humorous resolution. The pacing and progression of events align with the genre's conventions.


Critique
  • The scene effectively uses humor through miscommunication and mishearing, which fits the overall surreal and comedic tone of the screenplay as established in earlier scenes. This gag with Floris mishearing Craig's name and words adds a layer of absurdity that could resonate with the audience, especially given Craig's history of disguises and identity struggles in scenes 2-4. However, the reliance on this single comedic device might feel repetitive if not balanced with other elements, potentially making the humor predictable and less engaging over time. From a reader's perspective, it highlights Craig's ongoing theme of miscommunication in his life, mirroring his internal conflicts about identity and career, but it could be more nuanced to avoid stereotyping characters with speech impediments.
  • Character development in this scene is minimal, with Floris serving primarily as a comedic obstacle rather than a fully fleshed-out character. This is consistent with the script's style, where supporting characters often facilitate Craig's journey, but it might benefit from adding subtle depth to Floris to make her interactions more memorable. For instance, her mishearings could tie into her own backstory or personality traits, connecting to the larger world-building, such as the scaled-down environment suggesting a quirky company culture. Craig's frustration is portrayed authentically, building on his defensive nature from the previous scene where he argues with Lotte about his puppeteering career, but the scene doesn't advance his character arc significantly beyond showing his exasperation, which could make it feel like a transitional moment rather than a pivotal one.
  • The pacing is brisk and comedic, which suits the scene's purpose as a setup for the interview in the next scene. It maintains momentum from Scene 4's entry into the building, with the cut being continuous, ensuring smooth flow. However, the rapid-fire miscommunications might confuse some audience members if not clearly directed, as the dialogue relies heavily on verbal cues without much visual support. The visual elements, like the scaled-down furniture and short men reading tiny magazines, effectively reinforce the surreal atmosphere established earlier, but they are underutilized here, serving more as background than integral to the action. This could be an opportunity to enhance the world-building by showing how the environment affects Craig's behavior or adds irony to his situation.
  • Dialogue is a strong point for humor, with lines like 'Fork ah did?' cleverly mishearing Craig's 'Forget it,' which echoes the wordplay in previous scenes and ties into the script's theme of misinterpretation. However, some exchanges, such as 'Yex?' and 'You suggest what?', feel forced and could come across as unnatural, potentially breaking immersion. From a screenwriting perspective, this scene demonstrates good use of conflict through misunderstanding, driving the comedy, but it might benefit from more varied dialogue to prevent it from becoming one-note. Additionally, the scene ends abruptly with Craig entering Lester's office, which is functional for plot progression but lacks a strong emotional beat or cliffhanger to heighten anticipation for the interview.
  • Overall, the scene contributes to the script's exploration of Craig's alienation and the absurdity of his circumstances, fitting into the broader narrative arc where he seeks employment while grappling with his identity. It advances the plot by leading directly into the interview that introduces key elements like Lester and the 7.5 floor's mysteries. However, as Scene 5 out of 60, it feels somewhat inconsequential on its own, serving as a comedic interlude rather than a scene with high stakes. This could be improved by tying the humor more explicitly to Craig's character growth or foreshadowing future events, such as hinting at Lester's peculiarities or the company's oddities, to make it more integral to the story's progression.
Suggestions
  • Vary the comedic miscommunications by incorporating physical humor or visual gags, such as Floris misinterpreting gestures or Craig's body language, to add depth and prevent the scene from relying solely on verbal wordplay.
  • Develop Floris's character slightly by adding a small detail in her dialogue or actions that hints at her backstory or motivations, making her more than just a punchline and enhancing the scene's realism.
  • Refine the dialogue to ensure it flows more naturally; for example, make the mishearings more creative or tied to Craig's puppeteering background, like Floris confusing 'puppeteer' with something related to filing, to strengthen thematic connections.
  • Enhance visual elements by describing more about the reception area's atmosphere, such as the reactions of other applicants or how the scaled-down setting affects Craig's posture, to better immerse the audience and reinforce the surreal tone.
  • Add a subtle emotional layer to Craig's frustration, perhaps through an internal thought or a brief flashback to his earlier conflicts, to make the scene more engaging and tie it closer to his character arc without slowing the pace.



Scene 6 -  The Interview and Orientation
INT. LESTER'S OFFICE - CONTINUOUS
Craig enters. Lester, a giant of an old man, sits hunched
behind his tiny desk.
LESTER
Come in, Mr. Juarez. I'd stand, but,
well, you know.
CRAIG
(extending his hand)
Actually, my name is Craig Schwartz,
Dr. Lester.
Lester flips an intercom switch.
LESTER
Security.
CRAIG
No, it's okay, sir. Just a mixup
with your secretary.

LESTER
She's not my secretary. She's what
they call an executive liaison, and
I'm not banging her, if that's what
you’re implying.
CRAIG
Not at all, Dr. Lester. I simply
misspoke.
LESTER
Tell me, Dr. Schwartz, what do you
feel you can bring to LesterCorp?
CRAIG
Well, sir, I'm an excellent filer.
LESTER
(crafty)
You think so, eh? Which comes first,
L or... Glooph?
CRAIG
Glooph is not a letter, sir.
LESTER
Damn, you are good. I tried to trick
you. Okay, put these in order.
Lester hands Craig a bunch of index cards. Craig orders them
with amazing speed and dexterity. Lester watches, eyes wide.
LESTER
(flips intercom switch)
Floris, get Guinness on the phone.
FLORIS (O.S.)
Gehginnis ondah foam?
LESTER
Forget it.
FLORIS
Fork ah did?
LESTER
(flips off switch)
Fine woman, Floris. I don't know how
she puts up with this damn speech
impediment of mine.
CRAIG
You don't have a speech impediment,
Dr. Lester.

LESTER
Flattery will get you everywhere, my
boy. But I'm afraid I have to trust
Floris on this one. You see, she has
her doctorate in speech
impedimentology from Case Western.
Perhaps you've read her memoirs, "I
can't understand a word any of you
are saying."
CRAIG
No.
LESTER
Pity, it tells it like it is. That's
why the eastern, read Jewish,
publishing establishment won't touch
it. That's a quote from the book
jacket. George Will, I think.
(beat)
I apologize if you can't understan a
word I'm saying, Dr. Schwartz.
CRAIG
No. I understand perfectly.
LESTER
(choking up)
Thank you for being kind enough to
lie. You see, I've been very lonely
in my isolated tower of indecipherable
speech. You're hired. Any questions?
CRAIG
Just one. Why is this floor so short?
LESTER
Low overhead, m'boy. We pass the
savings on to you.
(laughs heartily)
But seriously, that's all covered in
orientation.
CUT TO:
INT. ORIENTATION ROOM - DAY
It's a small screening room with red velvet seats. There are
a few people scattered about the squat theater. Craig is
among them. He looks around the room and his eyes rest
momentarily on Maxine. She is in her late 20's with close
cropped black hair. Her eyes are opaque, her face
expressionless, her countenance trance-like.

She glances over at Craig, then turns back to the screen.
The lights dim. A projector whirs and the screen is
illuminated.
CUT TO:
EXT. OFFICE BUILDING - DAY
We tilt up the building.
MUSIC: Perky Industrial Film Music.
TITLE: THE 7 1/2 FLOOR
NARRATOR (O.S.)
Welcome to the 7 1/2 floor of the
Mertin-Flemmer building. As you will
now be spending your work day here,
it is important that you learn a bit
about the history of this famous
floor.
DISSOLVE TO:
Genres: ["Comedy","Drama"]

Summary In this comedic scene, Craig enters Lester's office for a job interview, where a mix-up with names leads to a humorous misunderstanding involving security. After impressing Lester with his filing skills, Craig is hired on the spot despite Lester's feigned speech impediment. The scene transitions to an orientation room where Craig notices a woman named Maxine before the orientation film begins, introducing the peculiar '7 1/2 Floor.'
Strengths
  • Unique setting
  • Witty dialogue
  • Engaging characters
  • Blend of humor and depth
Weaknesses
  • Potential confusion due to surreal elements
  • Limited character development in this specific scene

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene is well-crafted with a blend of humor, surrealism, and social commentary. It effectively introduces a unique setting and characters while maintaining a balance between comedy and underlying themes of loneliness and acceptance.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of a low-ceilinged office floor, the eccentric characters, and the satirical take on corporate culture are innovative and engaging. The scene effectively introduces these concepts and sets the stage for further exploration.

Plot: 8

The plot progression in the scene focuses on the main character's interview at LesterCorp and his introduction to the unique environment. It sets up potential conflicts and character development for future scenes.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces fresh character dynamics and humor through the interactions between Craig and Lester. The dialogue feels authentic and original, adding a layer of depth to the characters.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters are well-defined, with distinct personalities and interactions that drive the scene forward. The dynamic between Craig and Lester adds depth to the narrative.

Character Changes: 7

While there are subtle hints at character growth, particularly in Craig's acceptance of the situation, the major changes are yet to be fully realized. The scene sets the stage for potential character development.

Internal Goal: 8

Craig's internal goal in this scene is to impress Dr. Lester and secure a job at LesterCorp. This reflects his need for validation and a desire to prove his worth in a competitive environment.

External Goal: 7.5

Craig's external goal is to navigate the interview successfully and secure a job offer. This reflects the immediate challenge of impressing a potential employer and securing employment.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict in the scene is primarily internal and subtle, focusing on miscommunications and misunderstandings rather than overt confrontations. It sets up potential conflicts for future development.

Opposition: 7.5

The opposition in the scene comes from the challenge of communication between characters, adding a layer of unpredictability and tension to the interactions.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes in the scene are moderate, focusing more on personal and professional challenges rather than life-threatening situations. However, the potential outcomes for the characters add intrigue to the narrative.

Story Forward: 8

The scene effectively moves the story forward by introducing key elements, characters, and conflicts. It sets up future developments and engages the audience in the narrative.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected humor, quirky character interactions, and the underlying tension of the interview, keeping the audience on their toes.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around communication and perception. Lester's speech impediment and Craig's ability to understand him highlight the theme of miscommunication and the importance of empathy.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7.5

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from humor to a sense of loneliness and acceptance. The characters' interactions and the quirky setting contribute to the emotional impact.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is witty, engaging, and reveals character traits effectively. The comedic elements enhance the scene's tone and keep the audience entertained.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the witty banter, quirky characters, and the underlying tension of Craig's job interview, keeping the audience invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension during the interview, allowing for comedic moments to land, and smoothly transitioning to the orientation room.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting adheres to the expected format for a screenplay, with clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a traditional format for a dialogue-driven office setting, with clear character introductions and interactions that progress the narrative.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds on the comedic tone established in previous scenes through the recurring motif of miscommunication, particularly with Floris and Lester's supposed speech impediment, which adds to the absurd, surreal world of the screenplay. However, this reliance on similar humor (mishearings) from scene 5 might feel repetitive, potentially diluting its impact and making the comedy less fresh for the audience. It serves to characterize Lester as eccentric and lonely, but the quick resolution of the security call and hiring process could benefit from more buildup to heighten tension and make Craig's competence feel more earned.
  • Craig's character is further developed here as skilled and adaptable, aligning with his puppeteer identity and the overarching theme of identity exploration. His quick handling of the filing test showcases his dexterity, which ties back to his professional background, but the scene misses an opportunity to delve deeper into his internal conflict—such as his dissatisfaction with life or his obsession with puppeteering—making his arc feel somewhat surface-level in this moment. Additionally, Maxine's brief introduction in the orientation room is intriguing, setting up future romantic tension, but her trance-like description lacks immediate engagement, making her feel more like a plot device than a fully realized character at this stage.
  • Pacing is brisk and efficient, moving from the interview to hiring and then to the orientation, which keeps the story progressing toward the discovery of the portal. However, the abrupt cut to the orientation film might disrupt the flow, as it shifts from interpersonal dialogue to expository narration without a smooth transition, potentially confusing viewers or making the scene feel disjointed. This could be an opportunity to better integrate the orientation element with Craig's personal journey, ensuring it feels organic rather than tacked on.
  • Dialogue is witty and humorous, with Lester's ramblings about his speech impediment and Floris adding levity, but it occasionally veers into caricature, such as Lester's exaggerated claims about Floris's credentials or the publishing industry, which might come across as overly broad and less believable. This could undermine the emotional authenticity of the scene, especially when Lester becomes 'choked up,' as it contrasts sharply with the comedic elements without sufficient grounding. Craig's responses are concise and effective, reinforcing his intelligence, but they lack depth in revealing his motivations, making the interaction feel more functional than revelatory.
  • Thematically, the scene reinforces the film's exploration of misunderstanding and isolation, evident in Lester's loneliness and the miscommunications, which mirrors Craig's own struggles seen in earlier scenes. However, it doesn't fully capitalize on the low-ceiling setting to symbolize confinement or the absurdity of Craig's life, which could be amplified for greater thematic resonance. The introduction of the orientation film hints at the building's mysterious history, but it feels underdeveloped here, serving more as a setup for later revelations rather than contributing meaningfully to this scene's emotional or narrative weight.
  • Visually, the scaled-down office and orientation room effectively convey the quirky, confined world of the 7.5 floor, enhancing the surreal atmosphere and providing strong cinematic imagery. However, the description of Maxine and the other attendees is somewhat static, with her 'trance-like' state not fully utilized in this scene, which could make the visual elements feel underutilized. The cut to the external tilt-up of the building during the film is a nice touch for exposition, but it might benefit from more dynamic camera work or details to engage the audience more actively.
Suggestions
  • Vary the comedic elements by introducing new sources of humor beyond miscommunications, such as physical comedy with the low ceilings or Craig's internal reactions, to keep the audience engaged and prevent repetition from previous scenes.
  • Deepen character interactions by adding a moment where Craig shares a personal insight during the interview, such as referencing his puppeteering past, to make his hiring feel more connected to his arc and provide emotional depth.
  • Improve pacing by smoothing the transition to the orientation room, perhaps with a line of dialogue from Lester foreshadowing the film's content or a brief reaction shot from Craig to build anticipation.
  • Refine dialogue to balance humor and sincerity; for example, tone down Lester's exaggerated rants and focus on more nuanced expressions of his loneliness to make the scene more relatable and less cartoonish.
  • Enhance thematic integration by using the low-ceiling environment symbolically, such as having Craig physically struggle with the space to mirror his feelings of being trapped in his life, tying it back to his identity crisis.
  • Strengthen visual storytelling by giving Maxine a more active role in the orientation room, like a subtle glance or gesture that hints at her complexity, to make her introduction more memorable and foreshadow future conflicts.



Scene 7 -  The Legend of Low Ceilings
INT. 7 1/2 FLOOR - DAY
Don and Wendy, two office workers, crouch in the hall and
chat. Both hold cups of coffee.
WENDY
Hello, Don.
DON
Hello. Wendy.
WENDY
Don, I was wondering, do you know
why our workplace has such low
ceilings?
DON
It's an interesting story, Wendy.
Many years ago in the late 1800's,
James Mertin, an Irish ship captain
looking to invest in the future of
our great country, came to this town
and decided to erect an office
building.
CUT TO:
OLD FOOTAGE OF CONSTRUCTION CREW WORKING.

DON
He would call this building the Mertin-
Flemmer Building, after himself and
someone else, who, local legend has
it, was named Flemmer.
CUT TO:
INT. 19TH CENTURY OFFICE - DAY
An actor playing Mertin sits at a desk and writes with aquill.
He appears very stern and has mutton chop sideburns.
DON
One day. Captain Mertin received an
unexpected visitor.
There is a knock at the door.
MERTIN
Enter ye, if ye dare enter.
A tiny woman enters.
TINY WOMAN
Captain Mertin?
MERTIN
What want ye, girl child?
TINY WOMAN
I am not a child, Captain Mertin,
but rather an adult lady of miniature
proportions.
MERTIN
(taken aback)
I see. Well, it is not my fault that
thou art tiny. So if it is charity
yer after, then be gone with ye, ye
foul demon.
TINY WOMAN
I am not asking for alms, but rather
the ear of a kind man with a noble
heart.
MERTIN
(sighs)
Aye. Speak then if ye must.
TINY WOMAN
Captain Mertin, surely I am a God-
fearing Christian woman like yourself,
but alas, I am afraid that the world

TINY WOMAN
was not built with me in mind. Door
knobs are too high, chairs are
unwieldy, high-ceilinged rooms mock
my stature. Nor am I a married lady,
Captain. after all, who would marry
a person of my diminutiveness? So I
am forced to work for my few pennies
a week as an optometrist. Why cannot
there be a place for me to work safe
and comfortable?
Mertin wipes a tear from his eye.
MERTIN
Woman, your story moves me like n
other. Me own sister was tiny and
then died. Therefore, I shall make
ye me wife. And I shall build a floor
in my building, between the 7th and
8th, which will be scaled down, so
from now on there shall be at least
one place on God's green Earth that
you and your accursed kind can live
in peace...
DISSOLVE TO:
INT. HALLWAY 7 1/2 FLOOR - DAY
Don And Wendy crouch and talk.
DON
So that's the story of 7 1/2. Since
the rents are considerably lower
this floor has been adopted by
businesses which for one reason or
another are forced to cut corners.
After all... the overhead is low!
Ha ha ha!
WENDY
Ha ha ha!
TITLE: The End
CUT TO:
INT. ORIENTATION ROOM - DAY
The screen goes dark. The lights go up. Craig looks over at
Maxine. She stands and walks past him.
CRAIG
Moving story.

MAXINE
Yes. Unfortunately it's bullshit.
The real story of 7 1/2 is so evil
that it could never be revealed to
Americans raised on sitcoms and happy
news anchors.
CRAIG
Is that true?
MAXINE
Well, truth is for suckers, isn't
it?.
CRAIG
Listen. I'm Craig Schwartz, just
starting out at LesterCorp.
MAXINE
How dreary - to be - Somebody / How
public - like a Frog / To tell one's
name - the livelong June / To an
admiring Bog!
CRAIG
(proudly)
Emily Dickinson.
MAXINE
I wouldn't know.
Maxine walks away.
CUT TO:
Genres: ["Comedy","Drama","Fantasy"]

Summary In this whimsical scene set on the 7 1/2 floor of an office building, coworkers Don and Wendy share a lighthearted conversation about the low ceilings, prompting Don to spin a humorous tale about James Mertin, an Irish ship captain who built the Mertin-Flemmer Building to accommodate a tiny woman. The story features a flashback to the 19th century, where Mertin's initial rudeness transforms into compassion as he decides to create a scaled-down floor. After the amusing anecdote, the scene shifts to an orientation room where Craig, a new employee, engages in a cynical exchange with Maxine, who dismisses the story as nonsense and recites an Emily Dickinson poem mockingly before walking away.
Strengths
  • Innovative concept blending historical fiction with absurdity
  • Engaging dialogue and banter between characters
  • Whimsical and satirical tone adds depth to the setting
Weaknesses
  • Limited character development in this specific scene
  • Low level of overt conflict

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene is highly engaging due to its blend of humor, surrealism, and underlying melancholy. The conflicting stories about the floor's creation add depth and intrigue, making it a standout moment in the screenplay.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of blending historical fiction with absurdity to explain the origins of the 7 1/2 floor is innovative and adds depth to the setting. The conflicting narratives create intrigue and set the scene apart.

Plot: 8

The plot in this scene revolves around the storytelling of the 7 1/2 floor's creation, adding layers to the setting and enhancing the overall narrative. The conflicting narratives create interest and drive the scene forward.

Originality: 9

The scene showcases a high level of originality through its unconventional setting, quirky characters, and unexpected plot twists. The dialogue feels fresh and engaging, offering a unique take on office culture and historical fiction.


Character Development

Characters: 7.5

While the focus is more on the setting and storytelling in this scene, the characters of Don, Wendy, Craig, and Maxine play their parts in delivering the conflicting narratives effectively. Their interactions add depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 5

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the interactions and storytelling contribute to the development of the setting and the audience's understanding of the characters involved.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to uncover the truth behind the mysterious 7 1/2 floor and understand the real story behind it. This reflects their curiosity, skepticism, and desire for authenticity amidst a world of fabricated tales.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to navigate the office dynamics and social interactions, particularly with the enigmatic Maxine. This goal reflects the immediate challenge of fitting into a new workplace and understanding the hidden truths within it.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

The conflict in this scene is more subtle, revolving around the conflicting narratives about the 7 1/2 floor's creation. It adds intrigue and depth to the setting without overt conflict between characters.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting narratives, hidden truths, and enigmatic characters creating obstacles for the protagonist. The audience is left uncertain about the true nature of the 7 1/2 floor.

High Stakes: 4

The stakes in this scene are relatively low, focusing more on world-building and storytelling rather than intense character conflicts or high-risk situations.

Story Forward: 8

The scene effectively moves the story forward by establishing the unique setting of the 7 1/2 floor and adding layers to the narrative through conflicting narratives. It sets the stage for further developments in the screenplay.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable due to its unexpected plot twists, conflicting narratives, and enigmatic characters. The audience is kept on their toes, unsure of what revelations may come next.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the contrast between truth and deception, reality and illusion. It challenges the protagonist's beliefs in the face of conflicting narratives and hidden agendas.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes a mix of emotions, blending humor with a touch of melancholy in the storytelling. The conflicting narratives add depth and intrigue, resonating with the audience on different levels.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue in the scene is witty, engaging, and serves the purpose of delivering the conflicting stories about the 7 1/2 floor's creation. The banter between characters adds humor and depth to the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its blend of humor, mystery, and philosophical depth. The witty dialogue, intriguing plot developments, and quirky characters keep the audience captivated.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is well-crafted, balancing dialogue-driven moments with narrative exposition. The rhythm builds tension and intrigue, keeping the audience invested in the unfolding events.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting adheres to the expected format for its genre, effectively distinguishing between different time periods and locations. The use of CUT TO: and DISSOLVE TO: adds visual clarity to the scene transitions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows an unconventional structure that suits its genre, blending past and present timelines seamlessly. The transitions between settings are smooth, enhancing the narrative flow.


Critique
  • The scene effectively uses a nested narrative structure with Don's storytelling flashback to explain the lore of the 7.5 floor, which aligns with the film's surreal and absurd tone. This approach helps world-building by introducing the fantastical elements early, making the audience feel immersed in the quirky universe, but it risks feeling expository if not balanced properly, as the flashback dominates the first half and may overshadow the character interactions in the orientation room.
  • Character development is inconsistent; Don and Wendy's conversation serves as a vehicle for exposition rather than revealing deeper traits, making them feel like functional devices rather than fully fleshed-out characters. In contrast, the brief exchange between Craig and Maxine at the end introduces Maxine's cynical personality and hints at her intellectual depth through the Emily Dickinson reference, which is a strong moment that builds intrigue for their relationship, but it feels abrupt and underdeveloped, lacking the emotional weight to make it memorable beyond setup.
  • The dialogue is humorous and thematic, with Don's pun about 'low overhead' tying into the film's wordplay and deception motifs, but it can come across as overly simplistic or clichéd, potentially undercutting the scene's impact. Maxine's dismissal of the story as 'bullshit' and her poem recitation add layers of irony and foreshadowing, reinforcing the theme of truth versus illusion, which is central to the script, but the transition from light-hearted flashback to this cynical exchange feels jarring, highlighting a pacing issue that could confuse viewers if the tone shift isn't smoothed out.
  • Visually, the scene is rich with imaginative elements, such as the old footage cuts and the orientation room setting, which enhance the film's dreamlike quality. However, the reliance on dissolves and cuts to different time periods might disrupt the flow, making the scene feel disjointed. Additionally, Craig's reaction to Maxine is passive, which mirrors his character arc of hesitation and obsession but doesn't advance it significantly here, leaving the audience with a sense that this scene is more transitional than pivotal.
  • Overall, the scene successfully bridges the job interview from previous scenes to the orientation, maintaining momentum in Craig's journey, but it underutilizes opportunities for emotional depth or conflict resolution. For instance, while it echoes Craig's earlier disguises and identity struggles from Scene 3, it doesn't directly connect them, which could strengthen thematic continuity and make the critique more cohesive for readers unfamiliar with the full script.
Suggestions
  • Shorten the flashback sequence to make it more concise, focusing on key visual moments like the tiny woman's plea and Mertin's emotional response, to prevent it from overshadowing the present-day action and improve pacing.
  • Enhance the Craig and Maxine interaction by adding a subtle physical or emotional beat, such as Craig's hesitant body language or a brief pause after Maxine's poem, to build tension and make their dynamic more engaging and foreshadow future conflicts.
  • Refine the dialogue for freshness; replace the pun with a more original quip that still ties into the low-ceiling metaphor, or integrate it more naturally into the conversation to avoid it feeling forced and to heighten the comedic effect.
  • Strengthen thematic links by having Craig reference his own experiences with deception (from earlier scenes) during his response to Maxine, creating a smoother connection to his character arc and making the scene feel less isolated.
  • Consider adding a visual motif, like a recurring image of doors or ceilings, to unify the flashback and present-day elements, helping to reinforce the film's themes of confinement and identity without relying heavily on exposition.



Scene 8 -  Chaos in the Kitchen
INT. CRAIG AND LOTTE' S KITCHEN - NIGHT
Lotte chops onions. A parrot sits on her head. Craig stirs a
pot on the stove. A monkey leaps from the top of the cabinet
to the top of the refrigerator to the kitchen table. A dog
watches the monkey and barks at it.
PARROT
Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!
CRAIG
Shut up!
LOTTE
(to Craig)
Sorry, honey.
The dog continues to bark.

PARROT
Sorry honey. Sorry honey.
An offscreen neighbor pounds the wall.
NEIGHBOR (O.S.)
Shut up!
LOTTE
(yelling)
Sorry!
Lotte grabs the parrot off her head and leaves the room.
PARROT (O.S.)
Help! She's locking me in a cage!
Lotte reenters.
LOTTE
Isn't that cute? I just taught her
that.
CRAIG
Adorable. What time are they supposed
to be here?
LOTTE
Seven-ish
CRAIG
We have to make it an early night.
LOTTE
They'll understand. Besides I've got
a morning appointment tomorrow with
Elijah's shrink. We're getting to
the bottom of this acid stomach.
CRAIG
(not paying attention)
Hmmm.
LOTTE
Some sort of childhood trauma, she
thinks. Possible feelings of
inadequacy as a chimp. Interesting,
huh?
CRAIG
Hmmm.

The doorbell rings. The dog barks. The parrot screams. The
neighbor pounds on the wall.
DISSOLVE TO:
Genres: ["Comedy","Drama"]

Summary In a chaotic kitchen scene, Lotte chops onions with a parrot on her head while Craig stirs a pot, as a monkey leaps around and a dog barks. The parrot mimics phrases, causing disturbances that annoy an offscreen neighbor. Amid the noise, Lotte discusses their guests' arrival and a vet appointment for their pet chimp, while Craig remains disengaged. The scene culminates with the doorbell ringing, escalating the chaos as the pets react and the neighbor pounds on the wall.
Strengths
  • Humorous interactions
  • Authentic character portrayal
  • Domestic chaos
Weaknesses
  • Minimal plot progression
  • Low stakes

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.2

The scene effectively blends humor and chaos in a domestic setting, providing amusement and a glimpse into the characters' lives.


Story Content

Concept: 7.8

The concept of showcasing a chaotic kitchen scene with multiple animals and humorous interactions is well-executed, providing a glimpse into the characters' daily life.

Plot: 7

While the plot progression is minimal in this scene, it serves to highlight the domestic chaos and the characters' relationships, adding depth to their personalities.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh and original approach to domestic comedy by incorporating unusual animal characters and absurd situations. The dialogue feels authentic and humorous, adding to the scene's originality.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters are portrayed authentically in their interactions, showcasing their quirks and dynamics within the household. The scene allows for character development through their responses to the chaotic situation.

Character Changes: 6

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, it provides insights into the characters' personalities and relationships through their reactions to the chaotic situation.

Internal Goal: 8

Lotte's internal goal in this scene is to manage the chaos and maintain a sense of normalcy despite the disruptions caused by the animals and the neighbor. This reflects her desire for control and stability in her environment.

External Goal: 7.5

The protagonist's external goal is to prepare for the arrival of guests and manage the situation with the noisy animals and the neighbor. This goal reflects the immediate challenge of dealing with unexpected disruptions and maintaining a semblance of order.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

The conflict in the scene is minimal, revolving around the chaos caused by the animals and the neighbor's reactions, adding a comedic element to the situation.

Opposition: 7.5

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create conflict and obstacles for the characters, particularly Lotte, as she tries to manage the disruptions caused by the animals and the neighbor, adding tension and humor to the situation.

High Stakes: 5

The stakes in the scene are low, focusing more on humor and domestic dynamics rather than intense conflict or high drama.

Story Forward: 7

The scene contributes to the overall narrative by showcasing the characters' daily life and relationships, adding depth to the story.

Unpredictability: 8.5

This scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected actions of the animals, the neighbor's interruptions, and the humorous twists in dialogue, creating a sense of anticipation and surprise for the audience.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the theme of control versus chaos. Lotte's attempt to control the situation contrasts with the uncontrollable nature of the animals and the neighbor's interference, challenging her beliefs about order and unpredictability.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7.5

The scene evokes a range of emotions from light-hearted amusement to frustration, engaging the audience in the characters' domestic chaos.

Dialogue: 7.2

The dialogue captures the humor and frustration of the moment, adding to the chaotic atmosphere in the kitchen. It reflects the characters' personalities and relationships.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its fast-paced dialogue, comedic interactions, and the unpredictable nature of the animal characters, keeping the audience entertained and invested in the unfolding chaos.

Pacing: 8.5

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension through the escalating chaos and comedic timing, leading to a satisfying resolution with the doorbell ringing and the scene transitioning to the next moment.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting adheres to the expected format for a screenplay, with clear scene descriptions, character actions, and dialogue cues that enhance readability and visualization.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a comedic domestic setting, with clear character interactions, comedic beats, and a buildup of chaos leading to a humorous resolution.


Critique
  • This scene effectively captures the chaotic and cluttered home life of Craig and Lotte, emphasizing the surreal, comedic tone of the screenplay through the animal antics and miscommunications. It serves as a contrast to the more structured workplace scenes in Scenes 4-7, highlighting Craig's personal dissatisfaction and disengagement, which is consistent with his character arc as a puppeteer struggling with identity and purpose. The repetitive 'Shut up!' exchanges and the parrot's learned phrases add a layer of absurdity that reinforces the film's theme of lack of control, mirroring Craig's own life. However, the scene feels somewhat disconnected from the escalating surreal elements introduced in earlier scenes, such as the job search and the discovery of LesterCorp, making it appear as a brief interlude that doesn't advance the plot significantly. The dialogue, while humorous, relies heavily on slapstick and animal interruptions, which can overshadow subtler character moments, potentially reducing the audience's emotional investment in Craig and Lotte's relationship.
  • Character development is present but underdeveloped; Craig's sarcastic responses and Lotte's nurturing chatter reveal their dynamic—Craig's bitterness and Lotte's optimism—but these traits are not explored deeply enough to evoke strong empathy or understanding. For instance, Craig's 'Hmmm' responses indicate disinterest, which ties into his obsession with puppeteering, but this could be more nuanced to show internal conflict rather than just apathy. Lotte's mention of Elijah's therapy appointment introduces themes of inadequacy and trauma, which parallel Craig's own issues, but it's delivered in a way that feels expository and disconnected, lacking the emotional weight that could make it resonate more with the audience. Additionally, the scene's humor, while fitting the overall style, borders on caricature, with the animal behaviors feeling like comic relief that doesn't fully integrate with the human elements, potentially making the chaos seem gratuitous rather than purposeful.
  • Pacing in this scene is brisk and chaotic, which mirrors the content but might overwhelm viewers if not balanced with quieter moments. The dissolve to the next scene suggests a smooth transition, but the rapid succession of barks, shouts, and interruptions could dilute the impact of key dialogue, such as Lotte's explanation of Elijah's issues, which is meant to hint at deeper psychological themes. Compared to the previous scenes, which build tension through miscommunications and discoveries (e.g., the elevator scene in Scene 4 or the orientation film in Scene 7), this scene feels like a holding pattern, not pushing the narrative forward or heightening stakes. The visual elements are strong, with the leaping monkey and barking dog creating a vivid, claustrophobic atmosphere, but they dominate the frame, potentially distracting from the interpersonal dynamics between Craig and Lotte.
  • Thematically, the scene reinforces motifs of noise, chaos, and miscommunication, which are recurrent in the screenplay (e.g., Floris's mishearings in Scene 5), but it doesn't effectively link to the emerging surreal elements like the 7.5 floor or Craig's puppeteering. For example, the pet chaos could symbolize Craig's loss of control in his life, paralleling his professional frustrations, but this connection is implicit rather than explicit, missing an opportunity for deeper thematic resonance. The humor is effective in establishing the couple's eccentric lifestyle, but it risks feeling repetitive if similar chaotic scenes recur, as seen in the overall script summary. Overall, while the scene is entertaining and character-revealing, it could benefit from tighter focus to ensure it contributes more substantially to the story's progression and emotional depth.
Suggestions
  • Refine the dialogue to add subtext and emotional depth; for instance, make Craig's 'Hmmm' responses more varied or accompanied by internal thoughts or actions that show his internal struggle, helping to build empathy and connect to his puppeteering obsession.
  • Integrate the animal chaos more purposefully with the themes; use visual cues or subtle actions to draw parallels between the pets' behaviors and Craig's life, such as having the monkey's leaps mirror Craig's futile attempts at control in his career, to strengthen thematic ties.
  • Shorten or streamline the chaotic elements to improve pacing; reduce the number of repetitive 'Shut up!' exchanges to allow more space for the discussion about Elijah's therapy, which could be expanded to foreshadow Craig's own identity crisis more effectively.
  • Enhance character interactions by adding a moment of quiet contrast amid the chaos, such as a brief eye contact or pause between Craig and Lotte that hints at their underlying affection or resentment, making the scene more emotionally engaging and less reliant on humor alone.
  • Consider adding a visual or auditory callback to earlier scenes, like referencing the ticking clock from Scene 1 or the miscommunications from Scene 5, to create better continuity and remind the audience of the building surreal narrative.



Scene 9 -  Silent Tensions
INT. CRAIG AND LOTTE'S LIVING ROOM - NIGHT
The dining room table is set up. Craig and Lotte and their
friends Peter and Gloria are seated and eating dinner. There
is an obvious lull in the conversation.
PETER
Good food, Lotte.
LOTTE
Thanks. Craig helped, too, by the
way.
PETER
Vegetarian, right?
LOTTE
Yes. All vegetable. all the time.
PETER
Amazing.
There is another lull. Everyone eats.
PETER
No kidding about that 7 1/2 floor.
Craig?
CRAIG
No kidding, Peter.
GLORIA
That's great. It almost sounds like
make-believe.
(beat)
Like a storybook.
(beat)
like a fairy tale.
(beat)
It's really great.
(beat)
So Lotte, when you say all vegetable,
do you mean all vegetable entire1y?
CUT TO:
INT. PETER AND GLORIA'S CAR - NIGHT
Gloria and Peter drive in silence.

GLORIA
Lotte told me that Eskimos have a
lot of words for snow.
PETER
How many?
GLORIA
Ten, I think.
PETER
I wonder why so many.
GLORIA
Because they have a lot of snow.
Isn't that interesting?
CUT TO:
INT. CRAIG AND LOTTE'S KITCHEN - NIGHT
Craig washes the dishes. Lotte dries them. They don’t look
at each other.
CUT TO:
Genres: ["Drama","Comedy"]

Summary In Scene 9, Craig and Lotte host a dinner party with friends Peter and Gloria, where the atmosphere is filled with awkward silences and strained small talk about vegetarian food and a previous reference to the '7 1/2 floor.' The scene shifts to Peter and Gloria's car, where they engage in a mundane conversation about Eskimos and snow. It concludes with Craig and Lotte in their kitchen, washing dishes in silence and avoiding eye contact, highlighting the underlying tension in their relationship.
Strengths
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Subtle character dynamics
  • Introduction of intriguing concept
Weaknesses
  • Lulls in conversation
  • Minimal conflict

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.2

The scene effectively balances humor with introspection, providing insight into the characters' dynamics while introducing an intriguing concept.


Story Content

Concept: 8.3

The concept of the 7 1/2 floor adds a unique and intriguing element to the scene, sparking curiosity and setting the stage for further exploration.

Plot: 8

The plot progresses through character interactions and the introduction of the 7 1/2 floor concept, setting the stage for future developments.

Originality: 7

The scene introduces familiar social interactions but adds depth through the characters' unspoken emotions and tensions. The dialogue feels authentic and reveals underlying complexities.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters engage in meaningful dialogue that reveals subtle tensions and dynamics, adding depth to their relationships.

Character Changes: 6

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, subtle tensions and dynamics are hinted at, setting the stage for potential development.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to maintain a sense of normalcy and connection with their friends despite underlying tensions or unspoken issues. This reflects their need for social acceptance and avoidance of conflict.

External Goal: 6

The protagonist's external goal is to navigate through the dinner gathering smoothly and avoid any confrontations or awkward moments. This goal reflects their desire to keep up appearances and maintain a facade of harmony.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 5

The conflict is minimal in this scene, focusing more on character interactions and the introduction of the 7 1/2 floor concept.

Opposition: 6

The opposition in the scene is subtle, stemming from the characters' unspoken emotions and underlying tensions, creating a sense of uncertainty and unease for the audience.

High Stakes: 4

The stakes are relatively low in this scene, focusing more on character interactions and the exploration of the 7 1/2 floor concept.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by introducing the 7 1/2 floor concept and deepening the understanding of the characters' relationships.

Unpredictability: 6

This scene is unpredictable due to the contrast between the mundane dinner conversation and the characters' unexpressed emotions, leaving the audience uncertain about the true nature of the relationships.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the contrast between surface-level interactions and underlying tensions. The characters' superficial conversation about food and snow contrasts with the unspoken emotional distance between Craig and Lotte.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes a sense of curiosity and subtle emotional resonance through character dynamics and the introduction of the 7 1/2 floor concept.

Dialogue: 8.2

The dialogue is engaging and reflective of the characters' personalities, contributing to the scene's overall tone and themes.

Engagement: 7

This scene is engaging because of the subtle tension and unspoken emotions that keep the audience intrigued about the underlying dynamics between the characters.

Pacing: 7

The pacing effectively builds tension through pauses and quiet moments, enhancing the scene's emotional impact and highlighting the characters' internal struggles.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting adheres to standard screenplay conventions, effectively guiding the reader through the scene's progression and character interactions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a typical dinner gathering structure but subverts expectations by emphasizing the unspoken tension between characters. The formatting effectively conveys the quiet unease.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the awkwardness of social interactions and marital tension, which aligns with the film's themes of disconnection and surrealism. However, the repetitive lulls in conversation during the dinner party feel overly prolonged and may disengage viewers, as they lack sufficient subtext or progression to maintain interest. This could be improved by adding layers to the dialogue that reveal more about the characters' inner conflicts or foreshadow future events.
  • The dialogue, while intended to be mundane and realistic, comes across as stilted and unnatural. For instance, Gloria's repeated questions and beats (e.g., 'That's great. It almost sounds like make-believe. Like a storybook. Like a fairy tale.') disrupt the flow and make the exchange feel forced, potentially undermining the comedic or dramatic intent. In a screenplay with surreal elements, this scene's realism should contrast effectively, but it currently lacks the wit or insight needed to make it memorable.
  • The cut to Peter and Gloria's car introduces a seemingly irrelevant subplot about Eskimos and snow, which feels disjointed and underdeveloped. This segment doesn't contribute meaningfully to character development or the overall narrative, and it risks confusing the audience by shifting focus without a clear purpose. Given the script's focus on Craig and Lotte, this interlude dilutes the emotional core and could be seen as filler.
  • The final image of Craig and Lotte washing dishes in silence is a strong visual metaphor for their strained relationship, effectively conveying underlying tension through action rather than words. However, it ends the scene abruptly without resolution or buildup, making the scene feel incomplete. In the context of the larger story, this moment could be more impactful if it tied into recurring motifs, such as Craig's puppeteering or the surreal elements, to deepen thematic resonance.
  • Structurally, the scene uses multiple cuts to different locations, which mirrors the disjointed nature of the characters' lives but can fragment the pacing. At scene 9 out of 60, this early placement might be intended to establish normalcy before escalating surrealism, but it risks feeling slow or inconsequential compared to the more dynamic scenes described in the script summary. Enhancing continuity or integrating these elements could better serve the narrative arc.
  • Thematically, the scene contrasts the mundane with the extraordinary (e.g., referencing the 7 1/2 floor), which is a strength, but it doesn't fully capitalize on this by exploring how Craig and Lotte's personal dissatisfaction relates to the film's central ideas of identity and control. As a result, it may not advance the story or character development as effectively as it could, leaving readers or viewers wanting more depth or connection to the protagonist's journey.
Suggestions
  • Refine the dialogue to make it more natural and purposeful; for example, have Gloria's questions about the 7 1/2 floor probe into Craig's recent experiences, revealing hints of his dissatisfaction with his job or life, to add subtext and advance character insight.
  • Streamline the cuts between locations by either reducing the number of transitions or linking them thematically; consider merging the car scene with the dinner conversation or using it to foreshadow larger conflicts, ensuring each segment contributes to the emotional or narrative progression.
  • Enhance the Eskimo snow fact by making it relevant to the characters; for instance, tie it to Lotte's interests or Craig's worldview, turning it into a metaphor for their communication issues or the film's exploration of perception, rather than a random aside.
  • Add visual or physical actions during the awkward silences to heighten tension and engagement; for example, show Craig fidgeting with his food or Lotte glancing nervously at the clock, which could make the scene more dynamic and visually interesting without altering the core intent.
  • Strengthen the connection to the overall script by incorporating subtle references to earlier or upcoming events, such as Craig's puppeteering obsession or the surreal dream sequences, to make the scene feel more integral and less isolated within the 60-scene structure.
  • Consider shortening the scene or combining it with adjacent scenes to improve pacing, ensuring that the awkwardness serves a clear narrative function, such as building sympathy for Craig or highlighting the contrast between their ordinary life and the extraordinary elements that will dominate later scenes.



Scene 10 -  Whispers of Desire
INT. LESTERCORP FILE ROOM - MORNING
Craig in a cream colored suit, pours over the file cabinets.
Floris watches from the doorway.
FLORIS
You're good.
Craig turns.
CRAIG
(over-enunciating)
Thank you, Floris.
Floris shrugs, shakes her head.
FLORIS
You're not like the other boys we've
had here. Granted, I can't understand
what you're saying either, but your
soft palette resonates tremendously
well and you never ever constrict
your epiglottis.
CRAIG
I am a trained performer.

FLORIS
(swooning)
Music to my ears! Whatever you said.
Speak, speak, speak, my magnificent
friend, speak!
CUT TO:
INT. HALLWAY 7 1/2 FLOOR - DAY
Craig pours himself a cup of coffee. Maxine approaches with
an empty cup.
CRAIG
Hello again.
Craig fills her cup.
MAXINE
Yes, well...
CRAIG
You know, I've been thinking about
what you said yesterday, about the
orientation film being a cover-up.
I think you're on to something.
MAXINE
And fifty other lines to get into a
girl's pants.
CRAIG
No, really.
MAXINE
You know, if you ever got me, you
wouldn't have a clue what to do with
me. That's the thing, Romeo.
Maxine walks away.
CUT TO:
INT. CRAIG AND LOTTE'S GARAGE - NIGHT
Craig is at his workbench, painting the finishing touches on
a new puppet. It is beautiful. It is Maxine. Lotte watches
quietly from the door. A Lotte puppet hangs from a hook,
tangled and dusty.
LOTTE
New puppet?
Craig is surprised, caught.

CRAIG
Yeah, just an idea I had.
LOTTE
She's very beautiful.
CRAIG
(shrugging)
Just an idea I had.
Craig hangs the puppet, stands, and switches off the light.
CRAIG
C'mon, let's go to bed.
CUT TO:
INT. CRAIG AND LOTTE'S BEDROOM - NIGHT
The room is dark. Lotte snores lightly. Craig lies there
with his eyes open. Quietly, he gets up and leaves the
bedroom. Lotte watches him go.
CUT TO:
INT. GARAGE - NIGHT
Craig stands above the puppet stage. He is working both the
Craig puppet and the Maxine puppet at the same time. The two
perform a beautiful and graceful pas de deux. They finish in
a passionate embrace.
CRAIG
(quietly)
I would too know what to do with
you.
CUT TO:
Genres: ["Drama","Comedy"]

Summary In Scene 10, Craig navigates his day at LesterCorp, where he impresses Floris with his unique speech while grappling with his feelings for Maxine, who dismisses his flirtation. At night, he secretly creates a puppet of Maxine in his garage, revealing his obsession. As Lotte sleeps, Craig performs a poignant puppet show, culminating in a passionate embrace between the puppets, highlighting his inner turmoil and unresolved desires.
Strengths
  • Rich character development
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Surreal setting
Weaknesses
  • Occasional confusion in dialogue interactions

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.7

The scene effectively combines elements of drama and comedy, creating a unique atmosphere that engages the audience with its exploration of character dynamics and hidden motivations.


Story Content

Concept: 8.6

The concept of exploring identity, performance, and hidden truths in a surreal environment is intriguing and well-executed. The scene delves into complex themes with depth and nuance.

Plot: 8.4

The plot progression in the scene is engaging, with subtle character developments and hints at underlying conflicts. The narrative moves forward effectively, setting up intriguing storylines.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh approach to exploring relationships and communication through the use of puppetry, adding a unique layer of creativity and symbolism. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and engaging, offering a new perspective on familiar themes.


Character Development

Characters: 8.7

The characters are well-developed, each with unique traits and motivations that drive the scene forward. The interactions between Craig, Floris, and Maxine add depth to the narrative.

Character Changes: 9

The characters undergo subtle changes and revelations in the scene, particularly Craig and Maxine, as they confront hidden truths and grapple with their identities.

Internal Goal: 8

Craig's internal goal in this scene is to express his feelings for Maxine through his puppetry, showcasing his emotions and desires in a creative way. This reflects his need for connection and understanding, as well as his fear of not being able to communicate effectively in a traditional manner.

External Goal: 7

Craig's external goal is to navigate his relationships with Maxine and Lotte, balancing his feelings for both women while maintaining a sense of honesty and integrity.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7.5

The conflict in the scene is subtle but present, adding tension and complexity to the character interactions. It hints at deeper conflicts and motivations that drive the story forward.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is moderate, with interpersonal conflicts and emotional barriers creating obstacles for the characters. The uncertainty in their relationships adds a layer of tension and intrigue.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes in the scene are moderate, hinting at personal and professional consequences for the characters' actions and decisions. The tension adds depth to the narrative.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward effectively, introducing new elements, conflicts, and character dynamics that propel the narrative towards deeper revelations and developments.

Unpredictability: 7.5

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected ways in which the characters express their emotions and navigate their relationships. The use of puppetry adds a layer of unpredictability and symbolism to the narrative.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the themes of communication, creativity, and authenticity. Craig's use of puppetry to express his emotions challenges traditional modes of expression and highlights the importance of genuine connection.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.3

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from curiosity to disillusionment, creating a nuanced emotional landscape for the characters and audience to navigate.

Dialogue: 8.6

The dialogue is witty, engaging, and reveals insights into the characters' personalities and relationships. It enhances the scene's tone and themes effectively.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its blend of humor, emotion, and intrigue. The characters' interactions and the unfolding relationships keep the audience invested in the story's progression.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and emotional resonance, allowing moments of introspection and connection to unfold naturally. The rhythm of the dialogue and actions enhances the scene's impact.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting adheres to the expected format for its genre, effectively conveying the visual and emotional elements of the scene. The use of concise descriptions and dialogue enhances the reader's immersion in the story.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a non-linear structure, moving between different locations and interactions to build character dynamics and thematic depth. While unconventional, the structure enhances the scene's emotional impact and narrative complexity.


Critique
  • The scene effectively continues to build Craig's character arc by deepening his obsession with Maxine and highlighting his dissatisfaction in his marriage, which is a strong thread from previous scenes. However, the multi-location structure feels disjointed and rushed, jumping between the office, hallway, garage, and bedroom without strong transitional elements, potentially confusing the audience and diluting the emotional impact. This fragmentation might stem from trying to cover too much ground in one scene, making it hard for viewers to fully engage with any single moment.
  • Dialogue in the interactions, particularly with Floris, is quirky and comedic, aligning with the film's absurdist tone, but it can come across as overly expository or unnatural. For instance, Craig's over-enunciated response and Floris's swooning over his speech patterns feel forced, serving more as a vehicle for humor than organic character development. Similarly, the exchange with Maxine is repetitive of her dismissive attitude from earlier scenes, lacking fresh conflict or progression that could heighten tension or reveal new facets of their dynamic.
  • Visually, the puppetry sequences in the garage are compelling and symbolic, effectively conveying Craig's internal desires and isolation through metaphor, which is a strength in screenwriting for showing rather than telling. However, Lotte's role is underdeveloped here; she observes silently and exits without much agency, making her feel like a passive character in this scene. This could undermine the marital tension established in prior scenes, as her lack of reaction doesn't fully capitalize on the opportunity to explore their relationship's deterioration.
  • The scene's pacing is uneven, with the comedic office banter contrasting sharply with the intimate, melancholic puppet show, which might disrupt the emotional flow. While the cuts between locations mirror Craig's restless state of mind, they risk overwhelming the audience without clearer motivations or beats that tie the segments together. Additionally, the ending with Craig's quiet affirmation feels poignant but could benefit from more buildup to emphasize its significance in the narrative.
  • Overall, while the scene reinforces key themes of identity and obsession, it occasionally prioritizes quirkiness over depth, which is common in surreal comedies but can make character motivations less relatable. For example, Craig's infatuation is shown through repetition (painting and performing with the Maxine puppet), which might feel redundant if not balanced with progression, potentially alienating readers or viewers who expect more narrative advancement by scene 10.
Suggestions
  • Streamline the location changes by adding subtle transitional devices, such as crossfades or voice-over thoughts from Craig, to make the jumps feel more fluid and connected, enhancing the scene's coherence without losing its fragmented energy.
  • Refine the dialogue to be more concise and subtextual; for instance, have Floris's compliments reveal more about her character or the company culture, and make Maxine's rejection more cutting or personal to advance their conflict, avoiding repetition from earlier scenes.
  • Expand Lotte's moments to give her more agency and emotional weight; for example, add a brief reaction shot or line of dialogue in the garage or bedroom to show her growing awareness of Craig's obsession, which could foreshadow future plot points and deepen the marital tension.
  • Focus on tightening the pacing by prioritizing key emotional beats, such as the puppet show, and consider cutting or shortening less essential interactions (like the Floris scene) to maintain momentum and allow more space for Craig's internal struggle to resonate.
  • Enhance visual storytelling by adding more descriptive details in the action lines, such as close-ups on Craig's expressions during the puppet performance or symbolic elements in the garage, to better convey his psychological state and make the scene more cinematic and engaging.



Scene 11 -  Flirtation and Frustration in the File Room
INT. FILE ROOM - MORNING
Craig files. Floris watches him from the doorway. Dr. Lester
watches Floris from behind a cabinet.
FLORIS
Oh, what magic those fingers could
work on the right “cabinet.”
(strokes Craig's neck)
Alphabetize me, baby. And don't
forget, I comes before U.
Floris laughs long and hard. Too long and too hard.

CRAIG
Floris, you're very nice, but I'm
afraid I’m in love with somebody
else.
FLORIS
(upset)
I'm afraid I... have no idea what
you are saying... you bastard!
Floris runs from the room. Lester pokes his head out from
behind the cabinet.
LESTER
Don't toy with Floris, Schwartz.
Why, if I were eighty years younger,
I'd box your ears.
CRAIG
I wasn't toying with her, sir. I was
just... How old are you?
LESTER
One hundred and five. Carrot juice.
(beat)
Lot's of it. I swear, it's almost
not worth it. I piss orange. Oh, and
I, have to piss sitting down... like
a godamn girly... every fifteen
minutes. But nobody wants to die,
Schwartz.
CRAIG
I'll keep that in mind, sir.
LESTER
No sir-e-bob, I don't die. But what
I do is get older, wrinkled like a
former plum that's become the wrinkled
prune you see before you. Oh, to be
a young man again, maybe then Floris
would care for me.
CRAIG
The elderly have so much to offer,
sir. They are our link with history.
LESTER
I don't want to be your godamn link,
damn you. I want to feel Floris'
naked thighs against my own. I want
to know passion. I want my body to
inspire lust in that beautiful,
complex woman. I want her to shiver
in a spasm of ecstasy when I penetrate

LESTER
her. Oh, God, the agony of the flesh,
Schwartz.
CRAIG
Dr. Lester, while I am flattered
that you share your feelings with
me, I believe perhaps the workplace
is not the most suitable environment
for this type of discussion.
LESTER
All right. Meet me at the Juicy-Juice
Juice Bar after work today and I'll
spill my goddamn guts for you.
Lester exits.
CRAIG
Shit.
CUT TO:
Genres: ["Drama","Comedy"]

Summary In a morning scene set in a file room, Craig is filing papers when Floris enters, making flirtatious advances that he politely rejects, revealing his love for someone else. Upset, Floris calls him a bastard and leaves in distress. Dr. Lester, who has been secretly observing, confronts Craig about his treatment of Floris, sharing his own frustrations about aging and unfulfilled desires for her. Despite Craig's empathy, Lester insists on discussing his feelings further at a juice bar. The scene ends with Craig expressing frustration as Lester exits.
Strengths
  • Rich character development
  • Emotional depth
  • Dark humor intertwined with introspection
Weaknesses
  • Limited external conflict
  • Some dialogue may be overly explicit in depicting desires

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively combines dark humor with poignant reflections on unfulfilled desires and aging, creating a compelling and emotionally resonant atmosphere.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of unrequited love, aging desires, and workplace dynamics is intriguing and well-developed. The scene delves into complex emotions and desires in a unique setting.

Plot: 8

The plot progression in the scene revolves around the exploration of unfulfilled desires and the dynamics between characters in a workplace setting. It adds depth to the overall narrative.

Originality: 8.5

The scene introduces unique situations through the characters' unconventional behaviors and desires. The dialogue feels authentic and fresh, adding originality to the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters, particularly Craig, Floris, and Lester, are richly developed with conflicting emotions and desires. Their interactions drive the scene and add layers of complexity.

Character Changes: 8

The characters, especially Craig, experience internal changes and revelations regarding their desires and relationships. These changes drive the emotional depth of the scene.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to navigate awkward and uncomfortable situations with grace and professionalism. This reflects his need to maintain his integrity and composure in challenging interactions.

External Goal: 7.5

The protagonist's external goal is to handle the unexpected advances and inappropriate behavior of Dr. Lester while maintaining professionalism and boundaries.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict in the scene is primarily internal, revolving around the characters' unfulfilled desires and emotional struggles. It adds tension and complexity to the interactions.

Opposition: 7.5

The opposition in the scene is strong, with characters facing internal and external conflicts that create uncertainty and tension for the audience.

High Stakes: 6

The stakes in the scene are primarily emotional and internal, focusing on the characters' desires and conflicts. While not high in traditional dramatic terms, the emotional stakes are significant for the characters.

Story Forward: 7

The scene contributes to character development and thematic exploration rather than advancing the main plot significantly. It adds depth and complexity to the narrative.

Unpredictability: 8.5

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected turns in character behavior and dialogue, keeping the audience on their toes.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict evident is the clash between professional conduct and personal desires. Dr. Lester's inappropriate advances challenge the protagonist's values of respect and boundaries.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes a strong emotional response through its exploration of unrequited love, aging desires, and the complexities of human relationships. It resonates with the audience on an emotional level.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is engaging, blending dark humor with introspective reflections. It effectively conveys the characters' inner conflicts and desires.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to the blend of humor, tension, and unexpected character dynamics. The dialogue and interactions keep the audience intrigued and entertained.

Pacing: 8.5

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and humor through well-timed dialogue exchanges and character reactions, enhancing the overall effectiveness of the scene.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting adheres to standard screenplay conventions, making it easy to follow and visualize the interactions between characters.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a coherent structure with clear character interactions and progression. It maintains the expected format for a character-driven dialogue scene.


Critique
  • The scene effectively uses humor through exaggerated dialogue and character behaviors, such as Floris's overt flirtation and Lester's rambling monologue, which highlights the absurdity and discomfort of workplace interactions. This fits well with the screenplay's overall tone of surreal comedy, making Craig's frustration relatable and underscoring his passive nature in dealing with interpersonal conflicts. However, the humor risks feeling one-dimensional if not balanced with deeper character insight, as Floris and Lester come across as caricatures rather than fully fleshed-out individuals, potentially reducing audience empathy and making the scene feel like a comedic interlude rather than a meaningful progression in Craig's arc.
  • In terms of character development, this scene reveals more about Lester's vulnerabilities and obsessions, which could foreshadow larger themes of identity, aging, and desire that run through the script. Lester's confession about his age and physical decline adds a layer of pathos, contrasting with Craig's youthful struggles, but it feels somewhat forced and tangential to the main plot. Craig's response, emphasizing the value of the elderly, shows his politeness but lacks authenticity, reinforcing his pattern of avoidance seen in previous scenes, which might make him seem one-note if not varied soon. Additionally, Floris's abrupt shift from flirtation to anger lacks buildup, making her reaction feel unearned and highlighting a missed opportunity for more nuanced emotional transitions.
  • Pacing-wise, the scene is concise but could benefit from tighter editing to avoid redundancy in Lester's dialogue, which drags on with repetitive complaints about aging and desire. This might slow the momentum in a screenplay that already spans multiple scenes with rapid cuts, as seen in the summaries of scenes 7-10. The visual of Lester hiding behind a cabinet is comedic but strains believability, potentially pulling the audience out of the moment if the surreal elements aren't consistently grounded. Overall, while the scene advances subplots and builds toward the juice bar meeting, it doesn't strongly tie into Craig's central obsession with puppeteering and Maxine, making it feel somewhat disconnected from the narrative's core drive.
  • The dialogue is witty and character-specific, with Floris's wordplay on 'alphabetizing' tying into the filing room setting, but it borders on cliché, especially in Lester's explicit fantasies, which might alienate viewers if perceived as gratuitous rather than satirical. This scene also reinforces the theme of unrequited desire, paralleling Craig's feelings for Maxine, but it could explore this more subtly to avoid overt repetition. Visually, the confined space of the file room amplifies the discomfort, which is a strong directorial choice, but the lack of action beyond dialogue and reaction shots might make it less engaging on screen compared to more dynamic scenes like the puppet performances in earlier sequences.
  • In the context of the entire script, this scene serves as a breather after the intensity of scene 10, where Craig's obsession is more directly shown, but it risks feeling like filler if not connected more explicitly to upcoming events. The ending line, 'Shit,' effectively conveys Craig's exasperation and sets up the next scene, but it could be more impactful with added subtext or a visual cue to heighten tension. Overall, the scene is functional in building the world and characters but could strengthen the screenplay's coherence by better integrating Lester's arc with the portal mystery or Craig's personal growth.
Suggestions
  • Refine the dialogue to make it more natural and less stereotypical; for example, tone down Floris's flirtation to subtle innuendos that still convey humor but allow for more believable character interactions, helping to deepen audience connection.
  • Enhance character depth by adding a small action or visual detail that ties Lester's monologue to broader themes, such as referencing the '7 1/2 floor' history or hinting at his connection to the portal, to make the scene feel more integral to the plot and less like a side tangent.
  • Improve pacing by shortening Lester's speech, focusing on key lines that reveal his vulnerability without repetition, and use the saved space to add a brief reaction shot from Craig that shows his internal conflict, making the scene more dynamic and engaging.
  • Strengthen the transition between Floris and Lester by adding a subtle hint earlier in the scene that Lester is present, such as a shadow or sound, to make his reveal less abrupt and more suspenseful, aligning with the screenplay's surreal elements.
  • Connect the scene more directly to Craig's arc by having him draw a parallel in his mind between Lester's desires and his own obsessions, perhaps through an internal thought or a quick flashback to his puppet show, to reinforce thematic consistency and character development.



Scene 12 -  The Name Game
INT. HALLWAY 7 1/2 FLOOR - DAY
Craig squats next to a payphone.
CRAIG
(into phone)
I won't be late. I just have to listen
to Lester's sexual fantasies and
drink carrot juice for a little while.
It's a job thing.
Maxine walks by. Craig grabs her arm, signals for her to
wait a minute. She waits.
CRAIG
(into phone)
I gotta go back to work. Yeah, okay.
You too. Okay. Bye.
Craig hangs up.
MAXINE
What?
CRAIG
I just wanted to say “hi.” Did you
know I still don't know your name or
where you work?
MAXINE
Yeah.

CRAIG
How about this, if I can guess your
first name within three tries, you
have to come out for a drink with me
tonight.
MAXINE
Why not?
CRAIG
Great.
(watches her face as
he guesses)
Buuuhhppaahhhhnnn. . . . .
Muhhhahhhhh. . . . . ahhhnnnaaa. .
nollltuuukkkaaaaralllll. . .
tashabararassssssuuuuusaaaaaaa. . .
nnnnnnnaaaaaannnnnnnnncccccceeeeeee
Mwaaaaaa. . . . .Mahhhhhkkkkk. . .
sssseeeeeen. Maxine?
MAXINE
Who told you?
CRAIG
I'm right?
MAXINE
Who told you?
CRAIG
That's incredible! Nobody told me!
I swear! It's kismet. Maxine! It's
a beautiful name. There's a psychic
connection. Don't you see? It was
meant to be! Maxine! Maxine! Maxine!
I will shout it from the rooftops!
MAXINE
Somebody told you.
CRAIG
Oh, Maxine, nobody told me. Maxine,
Maxine. It just came out of me like
a song, Maxine. A beautiful crazy,
song, Maxine. Maxine. Maxine!
MAXINE
I am dubious, but I don't welsh.
Meet me at The Stuck Pig. Seven
o'clock. You're late, I walk. So
help me, if I find out you cheated.

CRAIG
(in heaven)
Maxine.
Craig walks down the hall. A tiny smile flits across Maxine's
face.
CUT TO:
Genres: ["Comedy","Romance"]

Summary In a light-hearted encounter on the 7.5 floor, Craig, engaged in a phone call, spots Maxine and playfully proposes a bet to guess her name. After a series of exaggerated guesses, he correctly identifies her as 'Maxine', leading to her skeptical yet intrigued agreement to meet for drinks. The scene captures their flirtatious banter, ending with Craig's excitement and a fleeting smile from Maxine.
Strengths
  • Witty dialogue
  • Engaging banter
  • Playful tone
Weaknesses
  • Lack of significant conflict
  • Limited character development

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene is engaging with witty dialogue and a playful interaction between the characters. It sets up a potential romantic subplot while maintaining a light-hearted and humorous tone.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of Craig trying to guess Maxine's name within three tries to win a date is a fresh and engaging idea that adds a fun dynamic to the scene.

Plot: 8

The plot progression in this scene focuses on the budding romantic tension between Craig and Maxine, setting up potential future developments in their relationship.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh approach to a classic romantic comedy trope of guessing names, infusing it with humor and eccentricity. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and engaging.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters of Craig and Maxine are well-defined in this scene, with their playful banter showcasing their personalities and setting the stage for potential growth and conflict.

Character Changes: 6

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, it sets the stage for potential growth and development in the relationship between Craig and Maxine.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to make a connection with Maxine and impress her with his ability to guess her name. This reflects his desire for companionship and validation.

External Goal: 7.5

The protagonist's external goal is to successfully guess Maxine's name within three tries and secure a date with her. This goal reflects his immediate challenge of winning her over through charm and wit.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

The conflict in the scene is minimal, focusing more on the playful banter and potential romantic interest between Craig and Maxine.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is moderate, with Maxine's skepticism and challenge adding a layer of tension and uncertainty to Craig's attempts to impress her.

High Stakes: 5

The stakes in the scene are relatively low, focusing more on the playful interaction between the characters than on high drama or tension.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by introducing a potential romantic subplot and deepening the connection between Craig and Maxine.

Unpredictability: 7.5

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists in the dialogue and the uncertainty of whether Craig will guess Maxine's name correctly.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the themes of fate and coincidence versus skepticism and doubt. Craig believes in a cosmic connection with Maxine, while Maxine remains skeptical and challenges his claims.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene elicits positive emotions and amusement from the audience, setting a light-hearted and playful tone.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue in the scene is witty, engaging, and drives the interaction between Craig and Maxine. It adds humor and depth to their characters.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the witty banter, playful interactions, and the audience's anticipation of whether Craig will successfully guess Maxine's name.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a balance of dialogue and action that maintains the audience's interest and builds tension as Craig attempts to guess Maxine's name.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting adheres to the expected format for a screenplay, with clear scene descriptions, character dialogue, and transitions. It is easy to follow and visually engaging.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a romantic comedy genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the effectiveness of the scene.


Critique
  • This scene effectively captures Craig's awkward and obsessive personality, showcasing his desperate attempt to connect with Maxine through a whimsical bet. It advances the romantic subplot by securing a date, which heightens tension in their relationship and foreshadows future conflicts, such as Craig's infidelity. However, the guessing game feels overly contrived and cartoonish, with the nonsensical sounds coming across as forced humor that might undermine the scene's emotional authenticity. This could alienate viewers who are invested in Craig's character development, as it emphasizes his eccentricity without providing deeper insight into his motivations, potentially making him seem more like a caricature than a relatable protagonist. Additionally, the abrupt transition from Craig's phone conversation to grabbing Maxine's arm lacks subtlety, portraying Craig as overly aggressive, which might not align with the film's intended tone of surreal comedy and could make Maxine's reluctant agreement feel unearned or stereotypical. The scene's placement after the intense and personal revelations in scene 11 (involving Lester's fantasies) creates a jarring shift; while it maintains the film's quirky pace, it doesn't fully leverage the emotional hangover from the previous scene to add layers to Craig's behavior, missing an opportunity to show how his professional frustrations influence his personal pursuits. Overall, while the dialogue is snappy and fits the film's humorous style, the repetition of 'Maxine' borders on excessive, diluting the impact and making the exchange feel less dynamic. This scene serves as a pivotal moment in building Craig and Maxine's relationship, but it could benefit from more nuanced interactions to better integrate with the broader themes of identity and obsession prevalent in the screenplay.
  • The visual and auditory elements in this scene are understated, with Craig squatting by a payphone in a cramped hallway, which reinforces the surreal, confined atmosphere of the 7.5 floor. Maxine's brief smile at the end is a nice touch, hinting at her potential interest and adding a layer of ambiguity to her character, but the scene underutilizes the unique setting. For instance, the hallway could incorporate more elements from the film's world-building, like odd shadows or distant sounds from other floors, to enhance the eerie, dreamlike quality established earlier. Character-wise, Maxine's skepticism and directness are well-portrayed, contrasting with Craig's exuberance, which highlights their dynamic effectively. However, the scene doesn't delve into Maxine's backstory or motivations beyond this interaction, making her feel somewhat one-dimensional here, especially since she's a key love interest. The tone shifts quickly from casual to intense with Craig's excited repetitions, which could disrupt the flow and make the scene feel rushed. In the context of the entire script, this moment is part of Craig's escalating infatuation, but it lacks subtle cues that tie into the portal mystery or his puppeteering obsession, potentially weakening the thematic cohesion. Finally, the comedic elements, while entertaining, risk overshadowing the underlying tension in Craig and Lotte's marriage, which is hinted at in previous scenes but not referenced here, leading to a sense of disconnection from the narrative arc.
Suggestions
  • Refine the guessing game mechanic to make it more clever and tied to Craig's puppeteering skills, such as having him use puppet-like gestures or voices during the guesses to add visual interest and reinforce his character traits, making the scene feel more organic and less arbitrary.
  • Add subtle visual or auditory details to the hallway setting, like flickering lights or muffled sounds from adjacent offices, to heighten the surreal atmosphere and better connect this scene to the film's overarching themes of hidden realities and the 7.5 floor's peculiarities.
  • Streamline the repetitive dialogue where Craig says 'Maxine' multiple times by reducing repetitions and incorporating more varied emotional beats, such as pauses for reaction shots or internal monologue, to build tension and make the interaction feel more natural and engaging.
  • Incorporate a brief reference to Craig's recent encounter with Lester (from scene 11) to provide continuity, perhaps through a line of dialogue or a facial expression that shows how that experience is affecting his mood, helping to maintain narrative flow and deepen character insight.
  • Enhance Maxine's character by adding a small action or line that reveals her inner thoughts, such as a skeptical glance or a subtle body language cue, to make her agreement to the date feel more motivated and less passive, strengthening her agency and the scene's emotional depth.



Scene 13 -  Juice Bar Fantasies and Awkward Flirtations
INT. JUICY JUICE BAR - EVENING
Lester and Craig sit at a table. There are several emptied
glasses of carrot juice in front of Lester. Craig nurses one
glass, and keeps checking his watch.
LESTER
Imagine a room full of women. Nubile,
blonde, wet with desire, Schwartz. A
harem, if you will. Me in leather.
A harness, if you like. I am the
object of this desire, and all eyes
are on me as I speak. “Ladies,” I
begin. “I am the love god, Eros. I
intoxicate you. My spunk is to you
manna from heaven...
CRAIG
(standing)
Dr. Lester, it's been really
fascinating, but I'm afraid I have
to get home to my wife now.
LESTER
Wife, huh? I'd love to meet her,
Craig.
CRAIG
Yessir.
LESTER
Shall we say dinner on Friday. Just
the two of us?
(afterthought)
You can come too if you like,
Schwartz.
CRAIG
(checking watch)
That's sounds fine, sir. Gotta run.
Craig hurries to the door. Lester downs Craig's juice, signals
the waiter for more.
CUT TO:

INT. THE STUCK PIG - NIGHT
Maxine sits at the bar, watching her watch. Craig rushes
into the room, frantic, out of breath. He spots Maxine and
plops himself next to her.
CRAIG
Made it. Maxine. Maxine, Maxine,
Maxine.
MAXINE
Just.
CRAIG
Buy you a drink, Maxine?
MAXINE
You married?
CRAIG
Yeah. But enough about me.
Maxine laughs. The bartender approaches.
CRAIG
What'll you have?
MAXINE
(to bartender)
The usual, Barry.
CRAIG
(to bartender)
I'll have, like, a beer. Like a
Budweiser, or something.
The bartender walks away.
CRAIG
I like you. I don't know what it is
exactly.
MAXINE
My tits?
CRAIG
No, no, it's your energy or your
attitude or the way you carry yourself
or...
MAXINE
Christ, you're not a fag are you?
Because I don't want to be wasting
my time.

The drinks arrive. Maxine's is in an enormous fishbowl of a
glass. It's bright blue, with fruit and marshmallows swimming
in it. Paper umbrellas stick out of it, an plastic monkeys
hang from the rim.
CRAIG
That's the usual?
MAXINE
Don’t let the girly shit fool you.
It'd blow your shorts off.
Maxine downs it like a shot of whiskey. She pushes the empty
glass to the bartender.
MAXINE
Set me up again, Barry.
The bartender walks away with the empty glass.
CRAIG
I’m not a homosexual. I just like
women for more than their bodies. I
guess you could say I'm the new
American male.
MAXINE
You're a fag or a liar.
CRAIG
(backpedaling)
I mean, I am really attracted to
you.
MAXINE
(mocking)
I mean, I am really attracted to
you. Jesus, you are a fag. We can
share recipes, if you like, Darlene.
Maxine gets up.
CRAIG
(at a loss)
No, wait! I like your tits.
(beat)
I love your tits. I want to fuck
you.
MAXINE
(sitting)
Good. Now we're getting somewhere.
(beat)
Not a chance.

Maxine's second drink comes. She downs it, pushes the glass
toward the bartender.
MAXINE
So, tell me about yourself. If you
can get your mind out of the gutter
long enough, dog-boy.
CRAIG
Well, I'm a puppeteer...
The bartender comes back with Maxine's drink.
MAXINE
(to bartender)
Check.
CUT TO:
Genres: ["Drama","Romance","Comedy"]

Summary In this comedic scene, Lester, intoxicated from carrot juice, delivers an absurd monologue about being the love god Eros, while Craig, impatient and eager to leave, interrupts to excuse himself and meet his wife. After a half-hearted dinner invitation from Lester, Craig rushes to The Stuck Pig bar, where he awkwardly flirts with Maxine, who humorously challenges his attraction and orders a colorful cocktail. The scene highlights the characters' eccentricities and social tensions, ending with Craig sharing about his puppeteering as Maxine orders another drink.
Strengths
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Complex character dynamics
  • Emotional depth
Weaknesses
  • Potential for misinterpretation of character intentions
  • Limited external action

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively combines humor, tension, and emotional depth, creating a compelling and engaging interaction between the characters. The dialogue and character dynamics are well-crafted, contributing to the overall impact of the scene.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of two characters meeting by chance and engaging in a flirtatious yet conflicted conversation is intriguing and well-developed. The exploration of attraction, identity, and personal boundaries adds depth to the scene.

Plot: 8

The plot progression in the scene is driven by the characters' interactions and evolving dynamics. The introduction of conflict and emotional tension adds depth to the narrative.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces fresh and unconventional dialogue that challenges traditional gender roles and societal norms. The characters' interactions feel authentic and unpredictable, adding depth to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-defined and their personalities shine through in their dialogue and actions. The complexity of their interactions and the development of their relationship make the scene engaging and memorable.

Character Changes: 7

While there are subtle shifts in the characters' perceptions and interactions, the scene focuses more on revealing their personalities and dynamics rather than significant character development.

Internal Goal: 7

Lester's internal goal is to assert his dominance and charisma, seeking validation and attention from others. This reflects his need for recognition and control.

External Goal: 6

Craig's external goal is to navigate social interactions and maintain appearances, balancing his personal desires with societal expectations.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The scene contains a moderate level of conflict, primarily stemming from the characters' differing perspectives and intentions. The tension adds depth to the interaction and drives the narrative forward.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with characters facing internal and external conflicts that challenge their beliefs and motivations.

High Stakes: 6

The stakes are moderate in the scene, primarily revolving around the characters' personal boundaries, desires, and potential consequences of their interactions. The tension adds intrigue without reaching extreme levels of risk.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by deepening the relationship between the characters and introducing new dynamics and conflicts. It sets the stage for further developments in the narrative.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the characters' unexpected actions and sharp dialogue, keeping the audience on edge and intrigued by the unfolding dynamics.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict revolves around authenticity versus performance, with characters struggling to reconcile their true selves with societal roles and expectations.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from humor to tension to vulnerability, creating a compelling and emotionally resonant experience for the audience. The characters' emotional depth adds richness to the scene.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is witty, engaging, and reveals insights into the characters' personalities and motivations. The banter and exchanges between the characters drive the scene forward and add depth to their relationship.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its witty dialogue, dynamic character interactions, and underlying tension. The audience is drawn into the characters' complex relationships and motivations.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is well-crafted, balancing dialogue-heavy moments with action sequences to maintain tension and momentum.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting adheres to the expected format for its genre, effectively conveying the dialogue and action sequences.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a non-linear structure, moving between characters and locations seamlessly. This unconventional approach adds intrigue and depth to the storytelling.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the absurd and comedic tone of the screenplay, with Lester's intoxicated monologue serving as a humorous yet pathetic insight into his character, highlighting themes of loneliness and unfulfilled desire. This moment provides depth to Lester, making him more than just a quirky boss, and it contrasts well with Craig's impatience, underscoring Craig's growing obsession with Maxine and his neglect of other relationships. However, the monologue risks feeling overly exaggerated, potentially alienating viewers if it veers too far into caricature, which could dilute the emotional resonance intended in the script's exploration of identity and desire.
  • The transition between the two locations—the Juicy Juice Bar and The Stuck Pig—is handled abruptly with a simple 'CUT TO:', which mirrors the script's overall style of quick cuts but might disrupt the flow for the audience. In this scene, it emphasizes Craig's urgency to leave Lester and meet Maxine, reinforcing his character arc of pursuing infatuation over stability, but it could benefit from smoother integration to maintain narrative momentum and avoid feeling disjointed.
  • Craig and Maxine's interaction at the bar is a strong showcase of their dynamic, with Maxine's sharp, humorous dialogue contrasting Craig's awkward and desperate attempts at flirtation. This exchange effectively builds sexual tension and highlights Craig's internal conflict, especially in his backpedaling to avoid being perceived as gay, which ties into the script's themes of gender and identity. However, some lines, like Craig's declaration of being 'the new American male,' come across as overly expository or stereotypical, potentially undermining the authenticity of their conversation and making Craig seem less nuanced.
  • Visually, the scene is engaging, with details like Lester downing multiple carrot juice glasses and Maxine's comically oversized, colorful drink adding to the surreal humor. These elements enhance the world-building and provide memorable imagery that aligns with the script's dreamlike quality. That said, the scene could explore more subtext in the characters' actions—such as Craig's frequent watch-checking—to convey his anxiety and guilt about his marriage without relying solely on dialogue, making the critique more immersive and less tell-heavy.
  • Overall, the scene advances the plot by setting up Craig's date with Maxine and foreshadowing future conflicts, such as his revelation as a puppeteer, which connects to the central motif of control and possession. It successfully builds on the tension from previous scenes, like Craig's growing infatuation in Scene 10 and 12, but it occasionally sacrifices subtlety for comedy, which might make the character motivations feel predictable or less engaging for viewers familiar with the genre's tropes.
Suggestions
  • Refine Lester's monologue to include more subtext or interruptions from Craig to make it feel less like a standalone rant and more integrated into their conversation, helping to balance the humor with emotional depth and prevent it from overwhelming the scene.
  • Add a brief transitional beat or voiceover between the two locations to smooth the cut, such as Craig's internal thoughts or a quick establishing shot, to maintain pacing and guide the audience more fluidly through the scene changes.
  • Strengthen Craig's dialogue with Maxine by incorporating more specific, personal details from their earlier interactions (e.g., referencing the coffee machine encounter from Scene 10) to make his flirtation feel more genuine and less generic, enhancing character consistency and relational depth.
  • Incorporate more visual storytelling, such as close-ups on Craig's wedding ring during his flirtation or Maxine's body language shifting from skeptical to amused, to convey emotions and themes without over-relying on dialogue, which could make the scene more cinematic and engaging.
  • Consider shortening some of the more repetitive or expository lines, like Craig's repeated use of 'Maxine,' to tighten the pacing and heighten the comedic timing, allowing the scene to build tension more effectively toward Craig's puppeteer revelation.



Scene 14 -  Tensions and Escapes
INT. CRAIG AND LOTTE'S LIVING ROOM - NIGHT
Lotte is combing Elijah. Craig enters.
CRAIG
Hi.
LOTTE
Hi.
CRAIG
(nervous, talking too
much)
Sorry, I'm so late. Lester just
wouldn't let me go. We’re supposed
to have dinner with him on Friday.
I can get us out of it if you want.
He's really amazing, this insane old
lech. It's actually sort of amusing
when you get past just how disgusting
it is.
There is a silence. Lotte continues to comb out Elijah.
Finally:
LOTTE
Did you eat?
CRAIG
Nah. I'm not hungry. I'm sorry I
didn't call. It was just, you know,
hard to get away.
LOTTE
I was worried.

CRAIG
I'm sorry. How was your evening?
LOTTE
Tom-Tom's puncture wound is infected.
CRAIG
The ferret?
LOTTE
The iguana.
CRAIG
Right.
LOTTE
I dressed the wound. Then I've just
been feeding everyone, putting
everyone to bed.
CRAIG
Yeah. You want a beer?
LOTTE
No thanks. I'm going to turn in.
CRAIG
All right. I'll be in my workshop
for a little while. I'll be in in a
little while. I need to unwind a
little.
(beat)
I'll be in soon. A little while.
LOTTE
'kay.
Lotte exits.
CUT TO:
INT. GARAGE - NIGHT
Craig works the Craig and Maxine puppets. The puppets sit on
the edge of the small stage and chat. Craig does a pretty
fair impersonation of Maxine's voice.
CRAIG
(as Maxine, fascinated)
Tell me, Craig, why do you love
puppeteering?
(as Craig)
Well, Maxine, I'm not sure exactly.
Perhaps it's the idea of becoming
someone else for a little while.

CRAIG
Being inside another skin. Moving
differently, thinking differently,
feeling differently.
(as Maxine)
Interesting. Would you like to be
inside my skin, Craig? Think what I
think? Feel what I feel?
(as Craig)
More than anything. Maxine.
(as Maxine)
It's good in here, Craig. Better
than your wildest dreams.
The puppets kiss.
CUT TO:
Genres: ["Drama","Romance"]

Summary In this scene, Craig returns home late to find Lotte caring for their pets. Their conversation reveals underlying tension, with Craig nervously apologizing for his absence while Lotte expresses her worry. After a brief exchange, Lotte decides to go to bed, leaving Craig to retreat to his garage. There, he engages in a fantasy dialogue with puppets of himself and Maxine, exploring his desires for transformation and intimacy. The scene culminates in a kiss between the puppets, highlighting Craig's internal conflict and unfulfilled yearnings.
Strengths
  • Nuanced character interactions
  • Effective use of puppetry as a storytelling device
  • Emotional depth and tension
Weaknesses
  • Limited external conflict
  • Relatively slow pacing

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively captures the underlying tension and emotional complexity between Craig and Lotte through their interactions. The use of puppetry as a metaphor for their relationship adds depth and symbolism to the narrative.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of using puppetry as a metaphor for the characters' inner conflicts and unspoken tensions is compelling and adds depth to the scene. The exploration of emotional complexity through dialogue and puppetry is engaging and thought-provoking.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene focuses on the emotional dynamics between Craig and Lotte, revealing underlying tensions and unspoken feelings. The use of puppetry as a narrative device drives the plot forward and adds layers to the character interactions.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh approach to exploring themes of escapism and emotional connection through the lens of puppeteering, offering a unique perspective on personal expression and intimacy. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and relatable.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters of Craig and Lotte are well-developed, with nuanced personalities and complex emotions. The scene effectively explores their relationship dynamics and inner conflicts, adding depth to their characterization.

Character Changes: 8

Both Craig and Lotte undergo subtle emotional changes in the scene, revealing deeper layers of their personalities and relationships. The use of puppetry as a storytelling device enhances the character development.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to unwind and escape from the pressures of his day, seeking solace in his workshop and puppeteering. This reflects his need for a temporary escape from reality and a desire to express himself creatively.

External Goal: 6

The protagonist's external goal is to connect with his partner after a long day, showing care and concern for her well-being. This reflects the immediate challenge of balancing personal interests with relationship dynamics.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict in the scene is primarily internal, focusing on the emotional tension between Craig and Lotte. The use of puppetry as a storytelling device heightens the conflict and adds layers to the narrative.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is subtle yet present, with hints of tension and unspoken conflicts between the characters that add depth and uncertainty to their interactions.

High Stakes: 6

The stakes in the scene are primarily emotional, focusing on the relationship dynamics between Craig and Lotte. The use of puppetry as a metaphor for communication and connection heightens the stakes.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by deepening the emotional complexity between Craig and Lotte. The use of puppetry as a narrative device adds depth to the plot progression.

Unpredictability: 6

This scene is unpredictable in its emotional shifts and character dynamics, keeping the audience intrigued by the subtle tensions and unspoken desires between the characters.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict revolves around the idea of escapism through puppeteering and the desire for deeper connection in real-life relationships. It challenges the protagonist's beliefs about self-expression and emotional intimacy.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, drawing the audience into the complex dynamics between Craig and Lotte. The use of puppetry and introspective dialogue creates a poignant and intimate atmosphere.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue in the scene is intimate and reflective, revealing the inner thoughts and emotions of the characters. The use of puppetry as a storytelling device enhances the dialogue, adding layers of meaning to the interactions.

Engagement: 8

This scene is engaging because it balances intimate moments of conversation with a touch of humor and creativity, drawing the audience into the characters' lives and emotional journeys.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene enhances its effectiveness by allowing moments of quiet reflection to contrast with lively puppeteering, creating a rhythm that mirrors the protagonist's emotional journey.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting adheres to the expected format for a screenplay, with proper scene headings, character cues, and dialogue formatting that enhance readability and visual clarity.

Structure: 9

The scene follows a clear structure with distinct settings and character interactions, effectively transitioning between the living room and garage to convey the protagonist's internal and external struggles.


Critique
  • The dialogue in the living room scene feels overly expository and unnatural, with Craig's nervous rambling about Lester serving more as a plot dump than organic conversation. This can make the scene feel forced, reducing emotional authenticity and potentially alienating the audience, as it prioritizes informing about previous events over advancing character relationships.
  • The interaction between Craig and Lotte highlights their marital discord effectively but lacks depth in showing Lotte's perspective. Her minimal responses and focus on mundane pet care underscore her detachment, but this could be explored more visually or through subtext to make her character more sympathetic and less passive, helping viewers better understand the dynamics of their failing marriage.
  • The transition from the living room to the garage is abrupt and could benefit from smoother integration, as it shifts from interpersonal tension to Craig's internal fantasy without much connective tissue. This might disrupt the pacing and make the scene feel disjointed, missing an opportunity to build tension gradually and maintain audience engagement.
  • The puppet show in the garage is a strong visual metaphor for Craig's obsession and identity crisis, tying into the film's themes of escapism and possession. However, the dialogue Craig provides for the puppets is too on-the-nose, explicitly stating themes like 'being inside another skin,' which can come across as heavy-handed and reduce the subtlety that makes such scenes impactful in surreal narratives.
  • Overall, the scene effectively conveys Craig's guilt and fixation on Maxine, contrasting his real life with his fantasies, but it underutilizes visual storytelling. For instance, the combing of Elijah could symbolize Lotte's nurturing nature or entrapment, but it's not fully exploited, leading to a reliance on dialogue that might not fully capitalize on the medium's strengths in a screenplay centered on surreal and symbolic elements.
  • In the context of the larger script, this scene serves as a pivotal moment showing Craig's deepening infidelity and emotional disconnection, but it could better foreshadow future conflicts, such as the portal discovery, by hinting at Craig's desire to 'be inside another skin' in a more cryptic way, enhancing thematic cohesion without overt explanation.
Suggestions
  • Refine the dialogue in the living room to be more concise and subtextual; for example, have Craig's nervousness shown through hesitant pauses or physical ticks rather than lengthy explanations, making the conversation feel more natural and emotionally resonant.
  • Add visual elements to the living room scene to break up the dialogue, such as close-ups of Lotte's face while combing Elijah to show her weariness or resentment, or Craig fidgeting with an object to externalize his guilt, which would enhance engagement and provide more opportunities for character revelation through actions.
  • Smooth the transition to the garage by adding a brief moment in the living room where Craig glances longingly at his workshop or hesitates before leaving, creating a clearer emotional link and improving the scene's flow, which could help maintain pacing in the overall narrative.
  • Make the puppet show dialogue less explicit by using more ambiguous or poetic language in the puppets' interaction, allowing the audience to infer themes of identity and desire, which would increase subtlety and align better with the film's surreal tone, making the revelation more impactful.
  • Develop Lotte's character further by giving her a small action or line that asserts her own feelings, such as a subtle reaction to Craig's mention of Maxine (even if indirect), to make her less of a passive figure and more active in the marital conflict, adding depth and balance to the scene.
  • Consider adding foreshadowing elements that connect to the portal storyline, like Craig's puppet manipulation mirroring the later possession themes, to strengthen thematic ties and make the scene more integral to the plot progression without altering its core events.



Scene 15 -  Unrequited Confessions and Hidden Secrets
INT. HALLWAY 7 1/2 FLOOR - DAY
Craig waits at the coffee machine. Checks his watch. Finally
Maxine approaches.
CRAIG
Hi.
MAXINE
You're not someone I could get
interested in. Craig. You play with
dolls.
CRAIG
(rehearsed)
Puppets. Maxine. It's the idea of
being inside someone else, feeling
what they feel, seeing what they
see...
MAXINE
Yikes.
CRAIG
Please, let me explain.
Craig grabs Maxine's hand and drags her into an empty office.
CUT TO:
INT. EMPTY OFFICE - DAY
Craig pulls Maxine in closes the door.
CRAIG
It's just, and I've never done this
before, Maxine, but it's just that I

CRAIG
feel something for you. I've never
felt this before for anyone, not
even my wife. My future is with you,
Maxine.
MAXINE
You might want to check those tarot
cards one more time.
Maxine heads for the door. Craig sits on a box. He puts his
head in his hands and sighs. Across the room he notices a
very small door with a two by four nailed across it.
CRAIG
Another evil secret of the 7 1/2
floor.
Craig pries the two-by-four off and opens the door. It's a
dark and wet membranous tunnel inside.
CRAIG
Holy shit. Maxine is gonna love this.
Craig lets go of the door and it slams shut.
CUT TO:
Genres: ["Drama","Romance","Comedy"]

Summary In this scene, Craig attempts to confess his feelings to Maxine in an empty office on the 7 1/2 floor. Despite his passionate explanation about his interest in puppets, Maxine dismisses him, rejecting his advances and leaving him feeling defeated. As he sits in despair, he discovers a mysterious, dark tunnel behind a small door, leading to a moment of intrigue amidst his emotional turmoil.
Strengths
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Complex character interactions
  • Intriguing plot developments
Weaknesses
  • Potential lack of clarity on the significance of the mysterious door
  • Limited external conflict

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively blends elements of drama, romance, and comedy, creating a unique and engaging atmosphere. The dialogue and character interactions are compelling, drawing the audience into the emotional complexities of the characters.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of unrequited love, hidden secrets, and surreal elements in a workplace setting is intriguing and sets the stage for further exploration of the characters' motivations and desires.

Plot: 8

The plot progression in this scene is significant, introducing conflicts, desires, and hidden depths within the characters. The discovery of the mysterious door hints at future developments.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh approach to romantic interactions by incorporating elements of mystery and surrealism. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and engaging, adding to the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters are well-developed, with nuanced emotions and conflicting desires. The interactions between Craig and Maxine reveal layers of complexity and set the stage for potential character growth.

Character Changes: 8

Both Craig and Maxine experience subtle shifts in their emotions and perceptions, hinting at potential character growth and development in future scenes.

Internal Goal: 8

Craig's internal goal in this scene is to express his newfound feelings for Maxine and seek a deeper connection with her. This reflects his need for emotional fulfillment and a desire for a genuine relationship.

External Goal: 7

Craig's external goal is to convince Maxine of his sincerity and win her over romantically. This goal reflects the immediate challenge of expressing his emotions and overcoming Maxine's skepticism.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict in the scene is primarily internal, focusing on the characters' emotional struggles and desires. The tension between Craig and Maxine adds depth to their interactions.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is moderate, with Maxine's skepticism and Craig's vulnerability creating a dynamic tension that adds complexity to their relationship. The audience is left uncertain about the outcome.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are moderately high in terms of emotional investment and potential consequences for the characters' relationships and desires. The scene sets up future conflicts and resolutions.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by introducing new conflicts, desires, and mysteries. The discovery of the hidden door and the interactions between Craig and Maxine set the stage for future developments.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected turn with the discovery of the small door and the dark tunnel, adding a layer of mystery and suspense to the narrative.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the contrast between Craig's emotional vulnerability and Maxine's skepticism and guarded nature. It challenges Craig's belief in the power of emotional connection and authenticity.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from awkwardness to yearning, creating a sense of emotional depth and complexity. The characters' internal struggles resonate with the audience.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is engaging, with a mix of humor, yearning, and tension. The exchanges between Craig and Maxine reveal their inner thoughts and desires, adding depth to their characters.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to the blend of humor, emotional tension, and the introduction of a mysterious element with the small door, keeping the audience intrigued and invested in the characters' interactions.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and emotional stakes through the characters' interactions and the discovery of the small door, maintaining a rhythm that keeps the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting adheres to standard screenplay conventions, making the scene easy to follow and visualize. It aligns with the expected format for its genre.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a coherent structure with clear transitions and character interactions. It maintains the expected format for a dialogue-driven, character-focused scene.


Critique
  • This scene effectively advances the plot by introducing the pivotal discovery of the portal, which ties into the overarching themes of identity and obsession in the script. It builds on Craig's character arc, showing his desperation and fixation on Maxine, which is consistent with his earlier puppet fantasies and failed attempts at connection. The confession moment reveals Craig's internal conflict and foreshadows the surreal elements of the story, making it a key turning point. However, the dialogue feels somewhat on-the-nose and expository, particularly Craig's rehearsed explanation of puppeteering as 'being inside someone else,' which directly states the theme rather than allowing it to emerge organically through action or subtext. This can make the scene less engaging for the audience, as it prioritizes telling over showing. Additionally, Craig's physical action of dragging Maxine into the office comes across as abrupt and potentially aggressive, which might undermine his sympathetic qualities and make the interaction feel forced or unrealistic in a professional setting. The transition from emotional rejection to the portal discovery is quite rapid, lacking buildup that could heighten suspense or emotional depth, resulting in a jarring shift that doesn't fully capitalize on the tension. Maxine's character is portrayed consistently as dismissive and sarcastic, but her responses lack nuance, making her seem one-dimensional in this moment; exploring her internal thoughts or subtle reactions could add layers. Finally, the ending line where Craig exclaims that Maxine will love the discovery feels misplaced, as it immediately shifts focus from his personal stakes to hers, potentially diluting the mystery and intimacy of the moment.
  • In terms of pacing and structure, the scene moves quickly, which suits the script's surreal and fast-paced tone, but it could benefit from more visual and emotional beats to ground the audience. For instance, the hallway waiting sequence at the coffee machine effectively builds anticipation, but it could use more subtle cues to convey Craig's nervousness and obsession, such as fidgeting with his watch or glancing around, to make his character more relatable. The confined setting of the empty office amplifies the intimacy and conflict, which is a strength, but the sudden introduction of the small door feels like a deus ex machina without sufficient foreshadowing or integration into the scene's emotional flow. This could confuse viewers if not handled carefully in editing. Overall, while the scene successfully escalates Craig's pursuit of Maxine and sets up the portal plot, it struggles with character believability and thematic subtlety, which are crucial for maintaining audience investment in a story filled with absurd and fantastical elements.
  • Thematically, this scene reinforces the motif of 'being inside someone else,' linking Craig's puppeteering passion to the literal portal, which is a clever narrative device. However, the execution risks making Craig appear creepy or unhinged without enough counterbalance, especially given the immediate rejection from Maxine. This could alienate viewers who might not empathize with his obsession, particularly in the context of his marriage, which has been strained in prior scenes. The comedic elements, like Maxine's 'Yikes' and the sarcastic tarot card remark, fit the script's absurd humor, but they overshadow potential for deeper emotional resonance. Visually, the discovery of the membranous tunnel is striking and memorable, enhancing the surreal atmosphere, but it contrasts sharply with the mundane office setting, which might not be fully exploited—opportunities for symbolic visuals, such as Craig's reflection in a window or the door's appearance mirroring his emotional state, are missed. In summary, while the scene is functional in progressing the story, it could be refined to better balance humor, emotion, and plot revelation for a more cohesive and impactful experience.
Suggestions
  • Refine the dialogue to be more natural and less expository; for example, have Craig demonstrate his passion for puppeteering through actions or metaphors rather than directly stating 'it's about being inside someone else,' perhaps by referencing a personal anecdote or using body language to convey his intensity.
  • Tone down Craig's physical aggression when dragging Maxine into the office; consider having her follow him voluntarily due to curiosity or reframe the interaction as a more consensual pull to avoid making him unsympathetic, which could involve adding a line where she hesitates but agrees to listen.
  • Build more tension and suspense around the portal discovery by extending the confession scene with additional beats, such as Craig pausing to collect himself or Maxine showing a flicker of interest before rejecting him, leading naturally to his distraction and finding the door, making the reveal feel earned rather than abrupt.
  • Add depth to Maxine's character by incorporating subtle reactions or internal conflict in her responses, such as a brief moment of empathy or a wry smile that hints at her own complexities, to make the interaction more dynamic and less one-sided.
  • Enhance visual storytelling by using close-ups and symbolic elements; for instance, focus on Craig's hands (echoing his puppeteering) or the door's appearance to foreshadow the portal, and end the scene on a more introspective note with Craig staring at the tunnel before the cut, to emphasize his personal stakes and build mystery.



Scene 16 -  The Mysterious Door and the Juicer
INT. LESTER'S OFFICE - DAY
Lester sits at his desk studying an instruction manual for a
juicer. The spanking new juicer sits on his desk. There is
an urgent knocking at the door.
LESTER
Yes?
Craig rushes in.
CRAIG
Dr. Lester. . .
LESTER
Ah, Craig. Just the fellow I wanted
to see.
(proudly spreading
his arms)
Juicer! Easy as pie. Just keep your
fingers clear of the blade, and never,
never use it while bathing in a tub
full of water.
CRAIG
Dr. Lester, I have a question. I was
in that vacant office down the hall

CRAIG
and I stumbled upon a little door
and....
LESTER
Ah. yes, the little door.
(checks watch)
There is a short film on the little
door in the orientation room in
exactly two minutes. If you hurry,
you'll just make it.
CRAIG
Thank you, sir.
Craig exits. Lester waits a moment. then dials the phone.
LESTER
Put up reel 752.
CUT TO:
INT. ORIENTATION ROOM - DAY
Craig sits in the otherwise empty screening room. The lights
dim, the film begins.
TITLE: THE LITTLE DOOR IN THE VACANT OFFICE
CUT TO:
Genres: ["Comedy","Drama"]

Summary In scene 16, Lester is excitedly showcasing a new juicer in his office when Craig rushes in, eager to discuss a little door he found in a vacant office. However, Lester deflects Craig's inquiry by sending him to watch a short film about the door, which is starting soon in the orientation room. After Craig leaves, Lester makes a call to prepare the film reel. The scene transitions to Craig sitting alone in the darkened orientation room as the film titled 'The Little Door in the Vacant Office' begins to play.
Strengths
  • Introduction of a mysterious element
  • Balancing humor and intrigue
  • Setting up future plot developments
Weaknesses
  • Limited character interaction
  • Subtle conflict resolution

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 7.5

The scene effectively introduces a new element that piques curiosity and adds depth to the setting. It balances humor and intrigue well, setting the stage for potential developments.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the little door introduces a unique and intriguing element to the narrative, sparking curiosity and potential plot developments. It adds depth to the setting and characters.

Plot: 7.5

The plot is advanced by introducing the mystery of the little door, hinting at future revelations and character interactions. It adds complexity and depth to the storyline.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a mundane task like using a juicer in an office setting but juxtaposes it with the discovery of a mysterious little door, adding a fresh twist to the familiar office scenario. The dialogue feels authentic and engaging, contributing to the scene's originality.


Character Development

Characters: 7

The characters of Craig and Lester are further developed through their interaction regarding the little door, showcasing their curiosity and potential for growth. The scene sets the stage for character exploration.

Character Changes: 7

Craig's discovery of the little door marks a potential shift in his curiosity and motivations, hinting at future character development. It sets the stage for evolving character arcs.

Internal Goal: 8

Lester's internal goal in this scene is to showcase his knowledge and expertise, as seen in his confident demonstration of the juicer's usage. This reflects his desire for recognition and validation of his skills.

External Goal: 6

Lester's external goal is to guide Craig to the orientation room to watch a film about the little door. This goal reflects his immediate task of ensuring Craig receives the necessary information.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6.5

The conflict in the scene is subtle, revolving around Craig's discovery of the little door and his interaction with Lester. It sets up potential conflicts and tensions for future developments.

Opposition: 6

The opposition in the scene is moderate, with the mystery of the little door providing a subtle obstacle that intrigues both the characters and the audience, adding a layer of complexity to the narrative.

High Stakes: 6

The stakes in the scene are moderate, focusing on the discovery of the little door and its potential implications for the characters. It hints at higher stakes to come in the story.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by introducing a new element that adds complexity and intrigue to the narrative. It sets up future plot developments and character interactions.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because it introduces a seemingly ordinary situation with a twist of mystery, leaving the audience curious about the significance of the little door and its connection to the overall narrative.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene lies in the juxtaposition of mundane tasks like using a juicer with the hint of a mysterious element represented by the little door. This challenges Lester's pragmatic approach with a touch of the unknown, possibly hinting at a clash between logic and curiosity.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6.8

The scene evokes a sense of curiosity and intrigue, engaging the audience with the mystery of the little door. It hints at emotional depth and potential revelations to come.

Dialogue: 7.2

The dialogue effectively conveys Craig's discovery and interaction with Lester, adding humor and intrigue to the scene. It sets up future developments and character dynamics.

Engagement: 8

This scene is engaging because it combines humor, mystery, and character dynamics in a way that keeps the audience intrigued and eager to learn more about the unfolding events.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is well-crafted, with a smooth flow of events that build tension and curiosity, leading to a satisfying transition to the next setting.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting adheres to the expected format for a screenplay, with clear scene descriptions, character cues, and dialogue formatting that enhance readability and visualization.

Structure: 9

The scene follows a clear structure with well-defined character interactions and transitions, maintaining a good pace and engaging the audience effectively.


Critique
  • This scene serves as a transitional moment in the screenplay, effectively moving Craig from his discovery in the previous scene to the orientation film, which advances the plot toward revealing more about the mysterious door. However, it feels somewhat underwhelming given the high stakes and surreal elements established earlier. The urgency in Craig's entrance is not fully capitalized on, as Lester's response is casual and deflecting, which diminishes the potential tension and makes the scene feel like a quick setup rather than a meaningful beat. Additionally, the focus on Lester's juicer manual and his humorous advice about using it adds a layer of absurdity that aligns with the film's comedic tone but risks coming across as tangential or distracting, especially since it doesn't directly tie into the central mystery or character development. From a reader's perspective, this scene highlights Lester's eccentric personality, reinforcing his role as a quirky authority figure, but it lacks deeper insight into his motivations or the broader conspiracy, making it feel somewhat superficial. The dialogue is functional but lacks subtext or emotional weight; for instance, Craig's question about the door could be an opportunity to show his growing obsession or fear, but it's handled matter-of-factly, which might not engage the audience emotionally. Overall, while the scene efficiently bridges to the next action, it could benefit from stronger pacing and more vivid character interactions to maintain momentum and intrigue in a story filled with fantastical elements.
  • In terms of visual and auditory elements, the scene is straightforward and relies on standard office settings, which contrasts with the more imaginative and surreal sequences elsewhere in the script. This can work to ground the narrative, but it might also make the scene feel mundane compared to the preceding discovery of the membranous tunnel, potentially disrupting the flow of escalating mystery. The phone call at the end, where Lester instructs someone to 'put up reel 752,' is a nice touch that adds foreshadowing and hints at manipulation, helping to build suspense for what's coming, but it could be more impactful if it included subtle visual cues, like Lester's expression or body language, to convey his ulterior motives more clearly. For the reader or viewer, this scene underscores the theme of control and secrecy on the 7.5 floor, but it doesn't fully exploit the opportunity to deepen Craig's character arc—such as his increasing desperation or curiosity—since his exit is abrupt and lacks a strong emotional payoff. Critically, the humor from Lester's juicer obsession is characteristic of the script's style, but it might overshadow the scene's purpose if not balanced properly, risking the perception that the narrative is meandering rather than driving forward.
  • Considering the scene's placement as scene 16 in a 60-scene script, it functions well as a pivot point, but it could be more integrated with the emotional threads from earlier scenes, such as Craig's unrequited feelings for Maxine or his strained marriage, to create a more cohesive narrative. The critique here is that the scene isolates Craig's discovery without connecting it to his personal stakes, which were highlighted in scene 15's rejection by Maxine. This disconnection might make the plot feel disjointed for readers, as the transition from romantic frustration to corporate intrigue lacks a smooth emotional link. Furthermore, the scene's brevity (estimated screen time around 30-45 seconds based on description) means it doesn't allow for much character development or world-building, which could be a missed opportunity to flesh out Lester's enigmatic role or to show Craig's internal conflict through actions or expressions. Overall, while the scene is competent in advancing the story, it could be elevated by incorporating more sensory details or symbolic elements that tie into the film's themes of identity and possession, making it more memorable and thematically resonant.
Suggestions
  • Heighten the tension by having Lester react more evasively or suspiciously to Craig's question about the door, perhaps with a pause, a nervous glance, or a subtle change in tone, to build suspense and make the deflection feel more ominous.
  • Integrate the juicer element more meaningfully by tying it to Lester's character arc or the story's themes— for example, use it as a metaphor for extraction or control, or have Lester's enthusiasm reveal his obsessive nature in a way that foreshadows his involvement in the cult or portal mystery.
  • Add subtext to the dialogue to reveal more about the characters; for instance, have Craig's inquiry about the door include hints of his growing obsession, or have Lester's response include a veiled warning that connects to the larger plot, making the conversation more engaging and layered.
  • Enhance visual elements to make the scene more dynamic, such as showing close-ups of Craig's anxious face or Lester's manipulative smile, or incorporating sound design like a ominous hum from the juicer to create a more immersive and atmospheric experience.
  • Extend the scene slightly to include a brief moment of Craig's internal reflection or a subtle action that links back to his personal life (e.g., glancing at a photo of Lotte), ensuring better continuity with the emotional beats from previous scenes and strengthening the overall narrative flow.



Scene 17 -  The Curious Door
INT. VACANT OFFICE - DAY
Wendy crouches in the vacant office and studies the closed
little door. Don enters. smiling.
DON
Hi. Wendy! What're you up to in this
vacant office.
WENDY
Well, Don, I peeked in here, even
though I know it's against floor
policy. and I discovered that there's
a little tiny door in here. Isn't
it cute? It's almost like a little
dolly's door. I wonder what it’s
for.
DON
(laughing)
That's right, Wendy, it is against
floor policy, but as long as you're
here, let me tell you what I know
about our cute little door friend.

DON
Many years ago, this very office was
occupied by a kindly old watchmaker
named Mr. White.
DISSOLVE TO:
INT. WATCHMAKER'S WORKSHOP - DAY
An old man toils away in the dusty office.
WHITE
Hmmm. I must have a small store room
to store my merchandise when I am
through working on it. I know, I
will build a tiny store room. How
cute!
DISSOLVE TO:
INT. VACANT OFFICE - DAY
WENDY
Wow! That's some story, Don.
DON
Truth is stranger than fiction, Wendy!
They laugh.
TITLE: THE END
CUT TO:
INT. ORIENTATION ROOM - DAY
The lights go up. Craig sits there for a moment. An usher
pushes a broom down the aisle.
CRAIG
Bullshit.
Craig exits. The usher mumbles something into a walkie-talkie.
CUT TO:
Genres: ["Comedy","Fantasy"]

Summary In a vacant office, Wendy curiously examines a small closed door, despite knowing it's against policy. Don enters and shares a whimsical story about the door's origin, recounting how it was built by a kindly old watchmaker named Mr. White as a storeroom. The scene flashes back to Mr. White's workshop, showcasing his creative process. After returning to the present, Wendy is enchanted by the story, and they share a light-hearted moment. The scene concludes with a title card reading 'THE END', followed by a cut to Craig in an orientation room watching a film about the door, where he expresses disbelief and exits, while an usher responds with a walkie-talkie.
Strengths
  • Humorous dialogue
  • Intriguing concept
  • Quirky storytelling
Weaknesses
  • Minimal character development
  • Low emotional depth

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively combines humor, fantasy, and intrigue to engage the audience. The quirky storytelling and whimsical elements make it entertaining and memorable.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the mysterious little door adds depth and intrigue to the narrative, setting up potential plot twists and character developments. It introduces a fantastical element that enriches the story.

Plot: 8

The plot progression in this scene is driven by the discovery of the little door and the humorous interactions between the characters. It sets the stage for future developments and adds a layer of mystery to the story.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh approach to exploring curiosity and imagination within a mundane setting. The dialogue and narrative descriptions add authenticity to the characters' actions, making the scene feel original and engaging.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters in the scene are engaging and well-developed, each contributing to the humor and intrigue of the narrative. Their interactions and dialogue enhance the comedic tone of the scene.

Character Changes: 6

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the interactions between the characters hint at potential developments and relationships that could evolve in future scenes.

Internal Goal: 8

Wendy's internal goal in this scene is to satisfy her curiosity and explore the mystery behind the little door. This reflects her deeper desire for adventure and discovery.

External Goal: 6

The protagonist's external goal is not explicitly stated in this scene, but it could be inferred as Wendy's goal to uncover the history or purpose of the little door.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

The conflict in the scene is minimal, focusing more on humor and intrigue rather than intense dramatic tension. The comedic elements drive the interactions between the characters.

Opposition: 6

The opposition in the scene is mild, with the conflict primarily centered around Wendy's curiosity conflicting with the established floor policy. The audience is left wondering about the outcome of her exploration.

High Stakes: 5

The stakes in the scene are relatively low, focusing more on humor and mystery than intense conflict or high-risk situations. The emphasis is on entertainment and intrigue.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing a new element (the little door) that could lead to future plot developments and character arcs. It adds depth and intrigue to the narrative.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because it introduces a mysterious element (the little door) that piques curiosity and leaves the audience wondering about its significance.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

There is a subtle philosophical conflict between following rules (floor policy) and pursuing curiosity. Wendy's decision to peek into the room despite the policy hints at this conflict, challenging the values of obedience versus exploration.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6.5

The scene elicits a light-hearted and playful emotional response from the audience, primarily through humor and whimsical storytelling. It engages the audience without delving into deep emotional themes.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue in the scene is witty, humorous, and engaging. It effectively conveys the characters' personalities and drives the comedic elements of the storytelling.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it combines mystery, humor, and a touch of nostalgia to captivate the audience's interest and keep them invested in the unfolding story.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is well-crafted, with a balance of dialogue and narrative descriptions that maintain a steady rhythm and build suspense, leading to a satisfying reveal.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting adheres to the expected format for a screenplay, with clear scene headings and dialogue formatting that aids in visualizing the interactions between characters.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a non-linear structure that transitions smoothly between past and present, enhancing the storytelling and maintaining the audience's interest.


Critique
  • This scene effectively reinforces the film's theme of deception and corporate cover-ups by presenting a fabricated history of the mysterious door through Don's story and the orientation film, mirroring earlier scenes where myths are used to obscure the truth. It helps the audience understand the pattern of misinformation on the 7 1/2 floor, making Craig's skeptical reaction ('Bullshit') a satisfying payoff that advances his character arc towards discovery and rebellion. However, the use of minor characters like Wendy and Don feels somewhat superficial; they serve primarily as vehicles for exposition without adding depth or emotional weight, which could make the scene feel like a redundant retread of similar orientation sequences in the script.
  • The dialogue is functional for delivering backstory but lacks subtlety and naturalism. Don's storytelling comes across as overly expository and on-the-nose, with lines like 'Truth is stranger than fiction, Wendy!' feeling clichéd and forced, which diminishes the comedic potential in this absurdist film. Additionally, the flashback to the watchmaker is visually straightforward but unimaginative, relying on a standard dissolve technique that doesn't leverage the film's surreal elements to create more inventive or humorous visuals, potentially underwhelming viewers familiar with such tropes.
  • Pacing is efficient, with the scene quickly moving from setup to resolution, which keeps the story progressing. However, this brevity might sacrifice opportunities for character development or tension. Craig's brief appearance and immediate dismissal of the film highlight his growing disillusionment, but without more context or emotional buildup, his reaction feels abrupt and could be more impactful if tied to his personal struggles, such as his obsession with puppeteering or his strained marriage, to make it resonate deeper with the audience.
  • Thematically, the scene aligns well with the overarching motif of portals and identity, as the 'little door' is a central mystery. Yet, by repeating the structure of previous orientation scenes (e.g., scenes 6 and 7), it risks feeling formulaic, potentially diluting the novelty that made earlier instances engaging. The usher's mumbled walkie-talkie response at the end hints at surveillance or consequences, which is a nice touch for building intrigue, but it's underdeveloped and could be expanded to heighten suspense or foreshadow upcoming conflicts more effectively.
  • Overall, while the scene serves its purpose in the narrative by bridging Craig's discovery to the next major plot point, it lacks originality in execution. The title card 'THE END' for the internal story is a clever meta-joke that fits the film's style, but it might confuse viewers or feel gimmicky if not balanced with stronger character moments. As a teaching point, this scene could benefit from more innovative screenwriting techniques to avoid repetition and enhance engagement, helping readers see how subtle changes can elevate a scene from serviceable to memorable.
Suggestions
  • To reduce redundancy, integrate Wendy's curiosity about the door more directly into Craig's storyline by having him overhear or interrupt their conversation, making the exposition feel more organic and connected to the protagonist rather than a standalone vignette.
  • Enhance the dialogue by adding humor or subtext; for example, make Don's story more absurd or self-aware to align with the film's tone, such as having him embellish details comically, which could make the lie more entertaining and less straightforward.
  • Vary the visual style of the flashback to make it more dynamic—use exaggerated, dream-like effects or incorporate puppetry elements to tie it back to Craig's interests, reinforcing the theme of illusion and making the scene visually distinctive from earlier similar sequences.
  • Extend Craig's reaction in the orientation room to show his internal conflict more explicitly, perhaps through voice-over or subtle actions, to deepen audience empathy and clarify how this moment fuels his decision to explore the door further in the next scene.
  • Consider shortening the scene or combining it with adjacent scenes to improve pacing, ensuring that each element advances the plot without repeating beats from scenes 6, 7, or 16; this would maintain momentum and prevent the audience from disengaging due to familiarity.



Scene 18 -  Inside Malkovich's Mind
INT. VACANT ROOM - DAY
Craig opens the little door and climbs into the membranous
hallway. The door slams shut behind him.
CUT TO:

INT. HALLWAY - MORNING
It's dark and wet. The walls are soft and membranous. There
is a dripping sound. Craig crawls along. Soon something starts
to pull Craig as if he is being sucked through a straw. There
is a flash of light.
CUT TO:
INT. FANCY DINING ROOM - MORNING
The POV of someone reading a newspaper. The person lifts a
cup of coffee to his mouth. There is a slurping sound. The
person puts down the coffee cup and the newspaper, and stands
up.
CRAIG
(losing his balance)
Whoa! What the hell? Where am I?
We're still in POV. The person walks across the room, picks
up his wallet from a coffee table. looks in a mirror and
checks his teeth for food. It's John Malkovich.
CRAIG
Holy shit! It's that actor guy.
Shit! What's his name? That actor
guy! What's happening? Am I inside
him? Am I in his brain? Am I him?
Is he me? Does he know I'm here? My
brain is reeling! Is his brain
reeling?
Malkovich walks to the front door, opens it, exits his
apartment.
CUT TO:
INT. MAXINE'S OFFICE - CONTINUOUS
Maxine sits at her desk, eats a sandwich. looks at a fashion
magazine, and chats on the phone.
MAXINE
The puppeteer told me he loves me
today.
(laughs)
I know. I can't think of anything
more pathetic.
CUT TO:
Genres: ["Fantasy","Comedy","Drama"]

Summary In this surreal scene, Craig unexpectedly enters a membranous hallway and is pulled into the mind of actor John Malkovich. Confused and disoriented, he experiences Malkovich's morning routine from a first-person perspective, witnessing mundane actions like drinking coffee and checking his appearance. Meanwhile, the scene cuts to Maxine's office, where she mockingly discusses Craig's love confession over the phone, highlighting the absurdity of Craig's situation and his unreciprocated feelings.
Strengths
  • Innovative concept
  • Emotional depth
  • Engaging character interactions
Weaknesses
  • Potential confusion for the audience due to the surreal nature of the scene

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene is highly engaging due to its innovative concept, whimsical tone, and emotional depth. It successfully blends fantasy elements with comedy and drama, creating a memorable and thought-provoking sequence.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of entering John Malkovich's mind is original and captivating, adding a layer of intrigue and fantasy to the storyline. It introduces a unique perspective on identity, perception, and human connection.

Plot: 8

The plot progresses significantly as the protagonist navigates the strange environment inside John Malkovich's mind, leading to character revelations and emotional conflicts that drive the narrative forward.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh and original concept of entering another person's mind, exploring identity and consciousness in a unique way. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and contribute to the scene's originality.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters, especially Craig and Maxine, undergo significant emotional developments in this scene, showcasing vulnerability, desire, and conflict. Their interactions are pivotal in shaping the scene's tone and themes.

Character Changes: 8

Both Craig and Maxine undergo significant emotional changes in the scene, revealing vulnerabilities, desires, and conflicts that alter their perceptions and relationships. These changes drive the character arcs and narrative progression.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to understand his current situation and grapple with the existential crisis of being inside another person's mind. This reflects his deeper need for identity and purpose.

External Goal: 7.5

The protagonist's external goal is to navigate the unfamiliar environment he finds himself in and figure out how to return to his own body. This goal reflects the immediate challenge of being trapped in someone else's mind.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7.5

The scene contains moderate conflict, primarily driven by emotional tensions, unrequited love, and the protagonist's internal struggles. These conflicts add depth to the character dynamics and propel the narrative forward.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist facing a daunting challenge of being trapped in another person's mind, creating uncertainty and tension for both the character and the audience.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are moderately high in the scene, focusing on emotional risks, unrequited love, and the exploration of identity and desire. The characters face personal challenges that could impact their relationships and self-discovery.

Story Forward: 9

The scene effectively moves the story forward by introducing a fantastical element, deepening character relationships, and setting up future conflicts and resolutions. It propels the narrative towards new developments and revelations.

Unpredictability: 8.5

This scene is unpredictable as it introduces a novel concept and presents unexpected twists that challenge the characters and audience alike.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict revolves around the boundaries of identity and consciousness. The protagonist questions the nature of self and the implications of being inside another person's mind, challenging his beliefs about individuality and existence.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene evokes a strong emotional response through its exploration of love, longing, rejection, and self-discovery. The characters' vulnerabilities and desires resonate with the audience, creating a poignant and memorable experience.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue effectively conveys the characters' emotions, conflicts, and motivations, adding depth to their interactions. It blends humor, introspection, and tension to create engaging conversations.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its blend of mystery, humor, and philosophical exploration, keeping the audience intrigued and invested in the characters' predicament.

Pacing: 8.5

The pacing effectively builds tension and mystery, drawing the audience into the characters' disorienting experience and maintaining a sense of intrigue throughout the scene.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting adheres to the expected format for the genre, effectively conveying the surreal and mysterious elements of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a non-linear structure that enhances the sense of disorientation and mystery, fitting the genre's expectations while adding a unique twist.


Critique
  • This scene effectively introduces the film's central surreal element—the portal into John Malkovich's mind—building on the mystery established in previous scenes where Craig discovers the door. The transition to a first-person POV is a strong visual choice that immerses the audience in Craig's disorienting experience, mirroring the theme of identity loss and possession. Craig's voice-over adds humor and relatability, humanizing the absurdity and making his confusion engaging for viewers. However, the rapid pacing and abrupt shifts might confuse some audiences if not handled carefully in editing, as the scene jumps from Craig's internal monologue to everyday actions in Malkovich's world without much grounding. Additionally, the cut to Maxine's office feels disconnected, shifting focus from Craig's pivotal discovery to a subplot that doesn't immediately advance the main action, potentially diluting the tension and emotional weight of the portal reveal. From a character perspective, Craig's reactions are vivid but could benefit from more nuanced emotional depth to avoid coming across as overly comedic, ensuring the scene balances humor with the story's deeper themes of desire and self-deception. Overall, while the scene successfully escalates the surreal narrative, it risks feeling exposition-heavy through Craig's dialogue, which explains the situation explicitly, potentially reducing the audience's opportunity to infer and engage with the mystery.
  • Thematically, this scene reinforces the film's exploration of voyeurism and the allure of inhabiting another's life, as seen in Craig's excited yet panicked voice-over. The sensory details, like the dark, wet membranous hallway and the slurping sounds, create a vivid, tactile atmosphere that enhances the horror-comedy tone. However, the humor in Craig's lines, such as 'Holy shit! It's that actor guy,' might undercut the scene's potential for genuine dread or wonder, making it feel more cartoonish than profound. In terms of structure, the scene's brevity is a strength for maintaining momentum in a fast-paced script, but it could be criticized for not allowing enough time for the audience to process the revelation, especially since it follows a series of scenes where Craig is already frustrated and skeptical (e.g., calling the orientation film 'bullshit' in Scene 17). This could lead to a sense of whiplash, where the high-stakes discovery feels rushed. Furthermore, Maxine's phone conversation at the end serves as a reminder of Craig's unrequited love, tying back to earlier conflicts, but it feels tacked on and doesn't fully integrate with the portal sequence, possibly indicating a need for better scene cohesion within the overall act.
  • From a screenwriting perspective, the use of POV shots is innovative and helps convey the subjective experience, but it might challenge actors and directors in execution, as it limits visual variety and could become monotonous if overused. The dialogue is functional for exposition but lacks subtlety; Craig's voice-over directly states questions like 'Am I inside him? Am I in his brain?' which, while clarifying for the audience, reduces the enigmatic quality that could draw viewers in more deeply. Comparatively, Maxine's scene provides contrast with her detached, mocking tone, highlighting the social dynamics at play, but it doesn't evolve her character significantly here, making it feel like a placeholder rather than a integral part. The scene's ending cut to Maxine also disrupts the narrative flow, as it shifts from a personal, introspective moment for Craig to a separate character's mundane activity, which might confuse viewers about the story's focus. Overall, while the scene is a creative highlight that advances the plot, it could be refined to better balance exposition, emotion, and pacing for a more impactful reveal.
  • In the context of the entire script, this scene marks a turning point where the fantastical elements become explicit, but it might not fully capitalize on the buildup from Scenes 15-17, where Craig's rejection and curiosity are established. The humor is well-intentioned and fits the film's tone, but it occasionally overshadows the psychological depth, such as Craig's identity crisis, which could be explored more through actions and visuals rather than dialogue. The cut to Maxine's office also reinforces her role as a catalyst for Craig's obsession, but it feels abrupt and could benefit from a smoother transition or a stronger thematic link. Additionally, the scene's reliance on voice-over for Craig's reactions might date the screenplay or make it feel less cinematic, as modern audiences often prefer shown rather than told storytelling. Despite these critiques, the scene's strengths lie in its bold visual storytelling and its contribution to the film's unique premise, making it a memorable moment that could be polished for greater emotional resonance and narrative clarity.
Suggestions
  • To improve the pacing and emotional depth, extend the membranous hallway sequence with more sensory details or internal conflict for Craig, allowing the audience to feel his disorientation before jumping into Malkovich's POV, which could build tension and make the reveal more gradual and impactful.
  • Reduce the amount of explanatory voice-over for Craig to make his reactions more subtle and inferred through actions and expressions, preserving mystery and encouraging audience engagement; for example, show Craig's panic through physical gestures rather than direct questions like 'Am I inside him?'
  • Smooth the transition to Maxine's office by adding a brief visual or auditory cue that links the two parts, such as a sound bridge or a thematic parallel, to maintain narrative flow and avoid abrupt cuts that disrupt immersion.
  • Enhance character development by incorporating more nuanced reactions from Craig, such as moments of awe or fear that tie into his puppeteering background, to deepen the exploration of identity themes and make his journey more relatable.
  • Consider reworking Maxine's dialogue to better connect it to the portal discovery, perhaps by having her conversation indirectly reference Craig's absence or the office environment, ensuring every element in the scene advances the plot or character arcs more cohesively.
  • Experiment with alternative visual styles for the POV shot, such as varying camera angles or effects, to add dynamism and prevent it from feeling static, while ensuring the humor complements rather than overshadows the surreal and dramatic elements.



Scene 19 -  Malkovich in the Taxi
INT. TAXI - CONTINUOUS
John Malkovich's POV from the back seat of the cab. The cab
pulls away from the curb.
MALKOVICH (V.O.)
(resonant throughout)
The Broadhurst Theater, please.
The cabbie studies Malkovich in his rearview mirror as he
drives.
CABBIE
Say, aren't you that actor guy?
MALKOVICH
Yeah.
CABBIE
John Makel...
CRAIG (V.O.)
John Malkovich! Of course!
CABBIE
Mapplethorpe?
MALKOVICH (V.O.)
Malkovich.
CABBIE
Malkovich!
CRAIG (V.O.)
John fucking Malkovich!
CABBIE
Yeah. I liked you in that one movie.
MALKOVICH (V.O.)
Thank you.
CABBIE
The one where you're that jewel thief.
MALKOVICH
I never played a jewel thief.
CABBIE
Who am I thinking of?
MALKOVICH
I don't know.

CABBIE
I'm pretty sure it was you. Hey,
could I get your autograph now?
It's for .... oh, what the hell,
it's for me! I'm your biggest fan!
MALKOVICH
Yeah, okay.
The cabbie hands a pad back over the seat. Malkovich reaches
for it. There is a slurping sound.
CRAIG (V.O.)
(panicky)
Ahhhh!
The image starts to fade, then suddenly goes black.
CUT TO:
EXT. DITCH - DAY
It’s on the side of Jersey Turnpike. There is a “pop” and
Craig falls from nowhere into the ditch. He is soaking wet,
and now dirty from the ditch. He stands, looks confusedly
around, sees a N.J. Turnpike sign. After a moment, he goes
to the side of the road and sticks out his thumb.
CUT TO:
Genres: ["Comedy","Fantasy"]

Summary In this comedic scene, John Malkovich is in a taxi heading to the Broadhurst Theater, where he interacts with an overly enthusiastic cabbie who mispronounces his name and mistakenly believes he played a jewel thief. Malkovich corrects the cabbie while Craig's panicked voice-over adds to the chaos. The scene abruptly shifts as Craig is ejected into a muddy ditch by the roadside, confused and hitchhiking after the disorienting encounter.
Strengths
  • Innovative concept
  • Humorous dialogue
  • Surreal atmosphere
Weaknesses
  • Limited character development
  • Moderate emotional impact

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene is well-designed with a unique and intriguing concept that blends humor and surrealism effectively. The dialogue and character interactions contribute to the overall tone and plot progression.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of entering John Malkovich's mind is innovative and captivating, adding a layer of intrigue and humor to the narrative. It drives the scene's uniqueness and sets up intriguing possibilities for future developments.

Plot: 8

The plot is advanced through the introduction of the mind-bending concept of being inside Malkovich's mind. This development adds complexity and sets the stage for potential conflicts and character growth.

Originality: 8.5

The scene introduces a fresh take on the celebrity-fan interaction trope by adding surreal and comedic elements. The dialogue feels authentic and captures the essence of unexpected encounters.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters, particularly Craig and John Malkovich, are engaging and contribute to the scene's humor and surreal atmosphere. Their interactions drive the plot forward and create dynamic moments.

Character Changes: 5

There is a minimal character change in Craig as he navigates the bizarre experience of being inside Malkovich's mind. The focus is more on the concept and humor rather than deep character development.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to maintain his composure and deal with the unexpected recognition and fan interaction in a nonchalant manner. This reflects his desire for privacy and normalcy despite his fame.

External Goal: 7.5

The protagonist's external goal is to reach the Broadhurst Theater, as indicated by his request to the cabbie. This goal reflects the immediate need to get to a specific location on time.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

While there is a mild conflict in Craig's sudden realization of being inside Malkovich's mind, the scene primarily focuses on humor and surrealism rather than intense conflict.

Opposition: 7.5

The opposition in the scene is moderate, with the cabbie's persistent fan interaction providing a small obstacle for the protagonist. The uncertainty of Craig's sudden appearance adds a layer of intrigue and opposition.

High Stakes: 5

The stakes are relatively low in this scene, focusing more on humor and exploration of the fantastical concept rather than high-stakes drama or tension.

Story Forward: 8

The scene significantly moves the story forward by introducing a pivotal concept that alters the trajectory of the narrative. It sets the stage for future developments and conflicts.

Unpredictability: 8.5

This scene is unpredictable because of the sudden shift from a casual conversation in a taxi to a surreal and unexpected event of Craig falling into a ditch. The audience is kept on their toes by the unexpected twist.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the intrusion of fame and the loss of personal identity. The protagonist's desire for privacy clashes with the cabbie's recognition and fan interaction, highlighting the tension between public persona and private self.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

The scene elicits a moderate level of emotional impact through its blend of humor and confusion. The audience may feel amusement and intrigue at the fantastical premise.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is witty and serves to enhance the humor and confusion within the scene. It effectively conveys the characters' personalities and motivations, adding depth to the interactions.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the witty dialogue, the unexpected turn of events, and the humorous interactions between the characters. The audience is drawn into the quirky dynamics of the scene.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is well-managed, with a smooth transition from the taxi conversation to the sudden event in the ditch. The rhythm of the dialogue and actions maintains the audience's interest and builds tension effectively.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting adheres to industry standards, making the scene easy to follow and visualize. The use of character names, dialogue cues, and scene descriptions is clear and concise.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a standard screenplay format with clear character introductions, dialogue exchanges, and scene transitions. It effectively sets up the interaction between the characters.


Critique
  • This scene effectively captures the surreal and disorienting nature of the portal mechanic, building directly on the discovery in the previous scenes. The use of John Malkovich's point-of-view shot immerses the audience in the experience, mirroring Craig's confusion and panic, which reinforces the film's central theme of identity and possession. However, the rapid shift from Malkovich's mundane taxi ride to Craig's ejection feels abrupt, potentially disorienting viewers who might struggle to follow the transition without clear visual or auditory cues. The voice-over elements, with Craig and Malkovich sharing the narrative space, add humor and insight into Craig's internal state, but they risk overwhelming the scene and diluting the immersion of the POV technique. Additionally, the dialogue with the cabbie, while comedic, relies on familiar tropes of celebrity misrecognition and fan obsession, which could feel clichéd and underutilized for deeper character exploration. In the context of the larger script, this scene serves as a key plot advancement by demonstrating the portal's ejection mechanism, but it misses an opportunity to delve into Craig's emotional arc, such as his growing obsession with control and identity, which was hinted at in earlier scenes like his rejection by Maxine. The visual contrast between the confined taxi space and the open ditch is striking and symbolic, emphasizing themes of entrapment and freedom, but the scene could benefit from more sensory details to heighten the absurdity and make the experience more vivid for the audience. Overall, while the scene maintains the script's blend of humor and surrealism, it could be strengthened by better balancing the comedic elements with character depth to avoid feeling like a mere plot device.
  • The tone of the scene aligns well with the film's quirky, absurd style, using the cabbie's mistaken identity and Craig's panicked voice-over to generate laughs, but this comes at the expense of building tension or emotional stakes. For instance, Craig's ejection onto the New Jersey Turnpike is a humorous and fitting consequence of the portal, yet it doesn't fully capitalize on the potential horror or existential dread that could arise from being thrust into someone else's life and then discarded. This might leave viewers who are deeply invested in Craig's character feeling that his experiences are treated too lightly, especially given his earlier desperate confession of love in scene 15. Technically, the scene's structure is efficient, with a clear beginning, middle, and end, but the fade to black and sudden cut could be smoother to maintain momentum. In terms of dialogue, Malkovich's voice-over and the cabbie's exchanges are functional for exposition and humor, but they lack subtext or nuance, making the interactions feel surface-level. Visually, the ditch setting provides a strong bookend to the portal entry, symbolizing Craig's literal and metaphorical fall, but it could be enhanced with more descriptive elements to evoke the filth and isolation, drawing parallels to Craig's personal life. As part of a sequence of scenes exploring the portal (scenes 15-18), this one feels somewhat transitional, which is appropriate, but it could better tie into the overarching narrative by hinting at future conflicts, such as the commercialization of the portal in later scenes, to make it more integral rather than isolated.
Suggestions
  • Refine the voice-over to reduce overlap between Craig and Malkovich's perspectives, perhaps by limiting Craig's interruptions to key moments or using them to reveal more about his internal conflict, making the scene less confusing and more emotionally resonant.
  • Enhance the cabbie's dialogue to be more original and character-specific, incorporating references to the film's themes (e.g., puppeteering or identity) to add depth and avoid clichés, thereby making the humor more integrated with the story.
  • Add subtle visual or auditory cues during the transition from the taxi to the ditch, such as distorted sounds or a brief hallucination sequence, to smooth the pacing and heighten the surreal experience for better audience engagement.
  • Incorporate more sensory details in the ditch scene to emphasize Craig's disorientation, like describing the mud caking his clothes or the roar of passing cars, to strengthen the visual storytelling and connect it more vividly to Craig's emotional state.
  • Expand on Craig's reaction after being ejected, perhaps with a moment of reflection or a line of dialogue that ties back to his puppeteering passion, to deepen character development and link this scene more explicitly to his arc of seeking control and identity.



Scene 20 -  The Portal Proposal
INT. MAXINE'S OFFICE - LATER
Maxine sits behind her desk with her feet up, and talks on
the phone.
MAXINE
Absolutely, doll. I'm just about to
close up here.
Craig walks in disheveled and exhausted. Maxine sees him,
keeps talking.
MAXINE
(into phone)
Meet you at “The Pig” in twenty
minutes.
(laughs lasciviously)
Oh yeah, maybe I'll keep my legs
closed till then.
(hangs up. to Craig)
I'm splitting for the day. Lock up
for me, won't you, darling.
Maxine stands, puts some stuff in her purse.

CRAIG
Don't you want to know what happened
to me?
MAXINE
(considers)
No.
Maxine heads for the door. Craig grabs her arm.
CRAIG
This is important!
MAXINE
(looking at his hand
on her arm)
It better be.
Craig sits Maxine down in a chair, lets go of her arm.
CRAIG
There's a tiny door in that empty
office. It's a portal, Maxine. It
takes you inside John Malkovich.
You see the world through John
Malkovich's eyes, then, after about
fifteen minutes, you're spit out
into a ditch on the side of The New
Jersey Turnpike.
MAXINE
Sounds delightful. Who the fuck is
John Malkovich?
CRAIG
He's an actor. One of the great
American actors of the 20th century.
MAXINE
What's he been in?
CRAIG
Lots of things. He's very well
respected. That jewel thief movie,
for example. The point is that this
is a very odd thing, supernatural,
for lack of a better word. It raises
all sorts of philosophical questions
about the nature of self, about the
existence of the soul. Am I me? Is
Malkovich Malkovich? Was the Buddha
right, is duality an illusion? Do
you see what a can of worms this
portal is?

CRAIG
I don't think I can go on living my
life as I have lived it. There's
only one thing to do. Let's get
married right away.
MAXINE
Is this Malkovich fellow appealing?
CRAIG
Yes, of course. He's a celebrity.
MAXINE
Good. We'll sell tickets.
CRAIG
Tickets to Malkovich?
MAXINE
Exactly. Two hundred dollars a pop.
CRAIG
But there's something profound here,
Maxine, we can't exploit it.
MAXINE
Fine. I'll do it myself. I was going
to offer a partnership to you, but
this way it's more money for me.
CRAIG
You wanted to be partners with me?
MAXINE
(bored)
Sure. It'd be fun.
CRAIG
(pleased)
Really?
(then:)
But, Maxine, can of worms! End of
the world! Illusory nature of
existence!
MAXINE
I'll protect you, Dollface.
Maxine reaches over and squeezes his lips affectionately
between her thumb and forefinger.

CRAIG
(in love)
Oh. Maxine.
DISSOLVE TO:
Genres: ["Comedy","Fantasy","Romance"]

Summary In this comedic scene, Maxine lounges in her office while on the phone, displaying her flirtatious nature. Craig bursts in, looking disheveled and eager to share his discovery of a portal into actor John Malkovich's mind. Despite Maxine's initial disinterest in the philosophical implications, she quickly pivots to the idea of monetizing the portal. As Craig proposes marriage in a moment of impulsive affection, Maxine seizes the opportunity to offer him a partnership in the venture, softening the conflict between their differing motivations. The scene ends with a playful gesture, highlighting their contrasting dynamics.
Strengths
  • Innovative concept of the portal into John Malkovich's mind
  • Witty and engaging dialogue
  • Exploration of complex themes with humor and depth
Weaknesses
  • Limited physical action
  • Relatively static setting

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.7

The scene is engaging, blending humor with deeper philosophical questions in a unique and entertaining way. The introduction of the portal concept adds intrigue and sets up potential conflicts and character development.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of a portal into John Malkovich's mind is innovative and thought-provoking, adding a layer of complexity to the narrative. The exploration of identity and existence through this concept is intriguing.

Plot: 8.5

The plot of the scene advances the story by introducing a significant new element with the portal concept. It sets up potential conflicts and character arcs while maintaining a lighthearted and whimsical tone.

Originality: 9

The scene demonstrates a high level of originality through its inventive premise of a portal into a celebrity's mind, the juxtaposition of supernatural elements with philosophical discourse, and the satirical take on celebrity culture and existential themes.


Character Development

Characters: 8.6

The characters in the scene, particularly Craig and Maxine, are well-developed and exhibit distinct personalities. Their interactions drive the scene forward and set up potential conflicts and dynamics.

Character Changes: 8

Craig experiences a significant shift in perspective and emotions in the scene, moving from excitement about the portal to a heartfelt declaration of love for Maxine. Maxine's reactions also reveal layers of her character.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to grapple with philosophical questions about identity, existence, and the nature of self. Craig's discovery of the portal challenges his beliefs and desires for a deeper understanding of life's mysteries.

External Goal: 7.5

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to convince Maxine of the significance of the portal and its implications. Craig seeks validation and support for his newfound discovery.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8.3

The conflict in the scene is primarily internal, revolving around Craig's newfound discovery and his feelings for Maxine. The introduction of the portal concept sets up potential external conflicts and dilemmas.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Craig facing resistance from Maxine's skepticism and commercial interests. The uncertainty of Maxine's reactions adds tension and unpredictability to the conflict.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes in the scene are primarily emotional and existential, centered around identity, love, and self-discovery. The introduction of the portal concept raises the stakes by adding a fantastical and unpredictable element to the story.

Story Forward: 9

The scene propels the story forward by introducing a key plot element with the portal concept. It sets up future conflicts, character developments, and thematic explorations, driving the narrative in a new direction.

Unpredictability: 8.5

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected nature of the portal revelation and the characters' contrasting reactions to the supernatural phenomenon. The audience is kept on their toes by the shifting dynamics and philosophical debates.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene revolves around the existential questions raised by the portal's existence. Craig's contemplation of self, identity, and the nature of reality clashes with Maxine's pragmatic and profit-driven perspective.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.4

The scene elicits a range of emotions, from humor to cynicism to hope. The characters' interactions and the introduction of the portal concept add depth and emotional resonance to the narrative.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue in the scene is witty, humorous, and thought-provoking. It effectively conveys the characters' personalities and motivations while exploring complex themes in an accessible way.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its blend of humor, mystery, and philosophical depth. The dynamic interactions between the characters and the intriguing premise of the portal captivate the audience's attention.

Pacing: 8.5

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by balancing moments of tension, humor, and introspection. The rhythm of the dialogue and character interactions maintains a sense of momentum and intrigue.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting adheres to the expected standards for its genre, with proper scene headings, character cues, and dialogue formatting. The visual descriptions and character actions are presented clearly.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a well-defined structure for its genre, with clear character introductions, conflict development, and thematic exploration. The pacing and dialogue flow naturally, engaging the audience effectively.


Critique
  • This scene effectively advances the plot by revealing the portal's discovery and setting up the commercialization of the experience, which is a pivotal moment in the screenplay. It maintains the surreal and humorous tone established earlier, with Craig's disheveled entrance and Maxine's sarcastic demeanor providing a contrast that highlights their character dynamics. However, the scene relies heavily on exposition, with Craig delivering a lengthy explanation of the portal's mechanics and philosophical implications, which can feel overwhelming and less cinematic. This 'telling' approach diminishes the impact of the revelation, as it doesn't allow the audience to experience the wonder or terror of the portal through visual or sensory means, potentially making the scene less engaging for viewers who prefer 'show, don't tell' storytelling.
  • Character development in this scene is uneven. Craig's transition from a philosophical monologue to an impulsive marriage proposal feels abrupt and unearned, lacking the emotional buildup that could make it more believable or poignant. This sudden shift undermines Craig's character arc, as it comes across as comedic but might confuse audiences about his motivations— is he driven by love, obsession, or the portal's influence? Meanwhile, Maxine is consistently portrayed as pragmatic and self-interested, which is a strength, but her quick acceptance of the portal's commercial potential without any curiosity or fear about its supernatural aspects makes her seem one-dimensional here. The scene could better explore their relationship tensions, drawing from the previous scenes where Craig's infatuation and Maxine's dismissiveness are established, to create a more nuanced interaction.
  • The dialogue is witty and on-brand for the characters, with Maxine's lascivious phone banter and Craig's earnest ramblings adding humor, but it occasionally veers into unnatural exposition. For instance, Craig's list of philosophical questions feels forced and didactic, as if it's serving the script's themes more than the characters' voices, which could alienate viewers. Additionally, the ending, with Maxine squeezing Craig's lips affectionately, is a charming visual beat that conveys their budding partnership, but it resolves too neatly without building sufficient conflict or stakes. Given that this is scene 20 in a 60-scene script, the scene should heighten tension rather than provide a quick moment of affection, especially considering the escalating absurdity and dangers from prior scenes, like Craig's ejection onto the turnpike.
  • Visually, the scene is straightforward but underutilizes the opportunity for more inventive cinematography. The setting in Maxine's office is functional, but it could incorporate elements that echo the surrealism of the portal, such as subtle distortions or lighting changes, to tie into the larger narrative. The tone shifts rapidly from comedic dismissal to philosophical depth and back to flirtation, which mirrors the script's overall style but might feel disjointed if not paced carefully. Positively, the scene reinforces recurring motifs, like the theme of identity and exploitation, but it could deepen the audience's understanding by showing Craig's physical and emotional exhaustion more vividly, drawing from the immediate previous scene where he was ejected into a ditch, to create a stronger sense of continuity and consequence.
  • Overall, while the scene is entertaining and moves the story forward by introducing the portal's exploitation, it could benefit from tighter integration with the preceding events. The critique from earlier scenes—such as Craig's growing obsession and the mysterious nature of the 7.5 floor—could be leveraged here to add layers of foreshadowing or irony. For example, Craig's reference to the portal as a 'can of worms' is thematically resonant, but it's undercut by the lack of immediate repercussions or conflicting reactions from Maxine, making the scene feel somewhat isolated. This could be an opportunity to heighten the stakes, especially with the cult elements and Lester's warnings from prior scenes, to make the audience anticipate the chaos that ensues later in the script.
Suggestions
  • Incorporate more visual storytelling to reduce exposition; for instance, use quick flashbacks or dream-like sequences during Craig's explanation to show snippets of his experience inside Malkovich's mind, making the revelation more immersive and less dialogue-heavy.
  • Develop Craig's emotional arc by adding a moment of hesitation or internal conflict before his marriage proposal, perhaps through a pause or a physical action that shows his vulnerability, to make the transition feel more organic and tied to his character growth.
  • Refine the dialogue to be more concise and subtextual; cut down Craig's philosophical rant and have him imply the deeper questions through shorter, more impactful lines, allowing Maxine's responses to highlight the humor and contrast in their personalities.
  • Enhance the conflict by having Maxine show a flicker of doubt or curiosity about the portal's implications before jumping to the business idea, which could add depth to her character and create a more dynamic exchange, increasing tension and engagement.
  • Strengthen the scene's connection to the broader narrative by referencing elements from previous scenes, such as Craig's ditch experience or Lester's redirection in scene 16, through subtle dialogue or visual cues, to improve continuity and build suspense for future developments.



Scene 21 -  Portal to Self-Discovery
INT. CRAIG AND LOTTE'S BEDROOM - NIGHT
Craig and Lotte are getting into evening clothes.
LOTTE
Don't be ridiculous. There is no
such thing as a portal into someone
else's brain.
CRAIG
Brain. soul, I'm telling you, Lotte.
I was right inside him looking out.
We're going to be rich.
LOTTE
I want to try.
CRAIG
What?
LOTTE
I want to be John Malkovich. Tomorrow
morning. Plus I'd like to meet this
partner of yours.
CRAIG
(nervously)
Well, you know we're going to be
very busy tomorrow. I'll tell you
what. Let's do it tonight. Right
now.
LOTTE
Now?
CRAIG
Yeah. We'll do it right now. On the
way to Lester's house.
CUT TO:
INT. CRAIG AND MAXINE'S OFFICE - NIGHT
Craig holds open the small door as Lotte climbs in.
CRAIG
I'll meet you on the turnpike.

LOTTE
I'm scared.
The door slams shut.
CRAIG
Me too, babe.
Craig hurries out the door.
CUT TO:
INT. BATHROOM - NIGHT
Malkovich is in the shower. We watch from his POV as he soaps
himself. He does this in a sensual manner.
LOTTE (V.O.)
Holy cow!
Malkovich steps out of the shower, slowly towels himself
dry.
LOTTE (V.O.)
Oh, yes. Yes.
CUT TO:
EXT. DITCH - NIGHT
Lotte lands in the ditch. She is wet and ragged. Traffic
whizzes by. Craig turns on the headlights in his parked car.
They shine on Lotte. Craig steps out of the car.
LOTTE
I have to go back.
CRAIG
Okay. Maybe tomorrow.
LOTTE
I have to go back now.
CRAIG
We'll talk about it in the car.
Craig helps Lotte up and toward the car.
CUT TO:
INT. CRAIG AND LOTTE'S CAR - NIGHT
Craig drives. Lotte looks distractedly out the window.

LOTTE
I have to go back, Craig. Being inside
did something to me. All of a sudden
everything made sense. I knew who I
was.
CRAIG
You weren't you. You were John
Malkovich.
LOTTE
(tickled)
I was, wasn't I?
(yelling out the window)
I was John fucking Malkovich!
(laughs, then intensely)
Take me back, Craig.
CRAIG
Tomorrow. We're late for Lester.
CUT TO:
Genres: ["Fantasy","Comedy","Drama"]

Summary In this nighttime scene, Craig and Lotte prepare for an evening out while discussing a portal into John Malkovich's mind. Craig is eager to explore it, while Lotte, initially skeptical, becomes excited about the possibility. They decide to try the portal immediately, leading to Lotte's transformative experience inside Malkovich's body. After exiting the portal, Lotte expresses a strong desire to return, having gained new insights about herself, but Craig insists they must first go to Lester's house, creating tension between their desires.
Strengths
  • Innovative concept
  • Emotional depth
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Strong character development
Weaknesses
  • Potential confusion for the audience due to the surreal nature of the events

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.7

The scene is engaging with its fantastical concept, emotional depth, and high stakes. It effectively blends humor with philosophical musings, creating a memorable and thought-provoking sequence.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of entering John Malkovich's mind through a portal is innovative and thought-provoking. It explores themes of identity, self-discovery, and the boundaries of consciousness in a creative and engaging manner.

Plot: 8.6

The plot of the scene is compelling, introducing a significant development in the story with the discovery of the portal and the characters' reactions to this revelation. It sets up future conflicts and character arcs effectively.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh and imaginative concept of entering someone else's mind, offering a unique take on identity exploration and self-discovery. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and engaging, contributing to the scene's originality.


Character Development

Characters: 8.8

The characters are well-developed, each reacting authentically to the mind-bending situation. Their emotional responses and interactions drive the scene forward and add depth to their personalities.

Character Changes: 9

The characters undergo significant changes in the scene, particularly Lotte, who experiences a profound shift in perspective after entering Malkovich's mind. Craig also shows growth in his determination and emotional vulnerability.

Internal Goal: 8

Lotte's internal goal in this scene is to experience being John Malkovich and to understand herself better through this unique perspective. This reflects her desire for self-discovery and a deeper understanding of her own identity.

External Goal: 7.5

The protagonist's external goal is to test the portal into John Malkovich's mind and potentially profit from this discovery. This goal reflects the immediate challenge of exploring the unknown and the pursuit of wealth and success.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8.2

The conflict in the scene arises from the characters' internal struggles, emotional dilemmas, and the discovery of the portal, leading to tension and uncertainty about the future.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene adds complexity and uncertainty to the characters' journey, creating obstacles that challenge their beliefs and motivations. The audience is left wondering how the characters will navigate these challenges.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in the scene as the characters grapple with existential questions, emotional revelations, and the potential for financial gain through the portal. Their decisions have far-reaching consequences for their lives.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward significantly by introducing a new dimension to the narrative with the portal into Malkovich's mind. It sets up future conflicts, relationships, and thematic explorations.

Unpredictability: 8.5

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists and turns in the characters' decisions and the surreal nature of the events. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of what will happen next.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the ethical implications of entering someone else's mind without their consent. It challenges the characters' values and beliefs about privacy, identity, and the boundaries of human experience.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.9

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking a range of feelings from excitement to fear to determination. The characters' emotional journeys resonate with the audience, drawing them into the fantastical world of the story.

Dialogue: 8.4

The dialogue is engaging and serves the scene well, blending humor, emotion, and philosophical contemplation. It effectively conveys the characters' thoughts and feelings in response to the extraordinary events.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its blend of humor, suspense, and philosophical exploration. The characters' dynamic interactions and the intriguing premise keep the audience invested in the unfolding events.

Pacing: 8.5

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, creating a sense of urgency and anticipation. The rhythm of the dialogue and action sequences enhances the scene's emotional impact.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting adheres to industry standards, making the scene easy to follow and visually engaging. It effectively conveys the characters' actions and emotions, contributing to the overall narrative flow.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a coherent structure that effectively builds tension and intrigue, leading to a compelling cliffhanger. The pacing and formatting align with the genre's expectations, enhancing the scene's impact.


Critique
  • This scene effectively advances the plot by introducing Lotte to the central fantastical element—the portal into John Malkovich's mind—building on Craig's discovery from earlier scenes and escalating the conflict. It maintains the film's surreal, comedic tone through Lotte's enthusiastic voice-over reactions during the POV sequence, which humorously highlights the absurdity of inhabiting another's body. However, the dialogue feels somewhat expository and on-the-nose, with Craig reiterating the portal's existence and implications, which may redundantly explain concepts already established in scene 20, potentially reducing tension and making the conversation less natural. Lotte's rapid shift from skepticism to obsession lacks deeper motivation or internal conflict, making her character arc in this moment feel abrupt and less believable; a gradual buildup or reference to her dissatisfaction in her own life could ground this change more effectively. Visually, the POV shots in Malkovich's bathroom are engaging and add to the disorienting humor, but they could benefit from more sensory details to enhance immersion, such as sounds or subtle distortions, to better convey the psychological impact. Craig's nervousness is indicated but not fully explored, missing an opportunity to delve into his jealousy or fear of sharing the portal, which could add emotional depth and make his character more sympathetic. The scene's pacing, with its quick cuts between locations, keeps the energy high but sacrifices potential for building tension or exploring the characters' relationship dynamics, such as the strain on Craig and Lotte's marriage. Overall, while the scene successfully reinforces the film's themes of identity and desire, it could strengthen its emotional core by balancing humor with more nuanced character development and smoother transitions.
  • The use of voice-over for Lotte's reactions during the portal experience is a strong choice that amplifies the comedic and surreal elements, allowing the audience to experience her excitement directly and mirroring the film's meta-narrative style. However, this technique risks becoming repetitive if overused, as it was also prominent in the previous scene, and could be varied with more visual storytelling to show Lotte's transformation rather than relying on verbal exclamations. The setting shifts—from the intimate bedroom to the office, bathroom POV, ditch, and car—effectively convey the disjointed nature of the portal's effects, but the abrupt cuts might confuse viewers or disrupt the flow, especially since the film already employs surreal transitions. Character interactions reveal underlying tensions, such as Craig's nervous push to use the portal immediately, which hints at his growing obsession and potential deceit, but this could be underscored with more subtextual dialogue or physical cues to make the stakes feel more personal. Additionally, the scene's end, with Lotte yelling out the window, is a fun, exaggerated moment that captures her exhilaration, but it might benefit from a quieter, more introspective follow-up to contrast the comedy and emphasize the psychological toll, helping the audience connect with the characters on a deeper level. In the context of the overall script, this scene is pivotal for Lotte's arc, setting up her obsession and eventual divergence from Craig, but it could better foreshadow these developments by incorporating subtle hints of her dissatisfaction or identity crisis earlier in the conversation.
Suggestions
  • Refine the dialogue to reduce exposition; for example, have Craig imply the portal's existence through hesitant actions or indirect references rather than directly stating 'I was right inside him,' to make the conversation feel more organic and tense.
  • Add a brief moment of backstory or internal monologue for Lotte to justify her quick obsession, such as a line about feeling trapped in her own life, to make her character shift more believable and tied to her personal growth.
  • Enhance the visual and auditory elements of the portal sequence; incorporate more disorienting camera effects, like shaky cam or distorted sounds, during the POV shots to heighten the surreal experience and immerse the audience further.
  • Develop Craig's emotional state by showing physical manifestations of his nervousness, such as pacing or avoiding eye contact, to add layers to his character and make his motivations clearer without relying on dialogue.
  • Smooth the scene transitions by using dissolves or fades instead of hard cuts in some places, like between the office and the bathroom POV, to maintain the dream-like quality and improve narrative flow.
  • Incorporate more subtext in the car conversation to explore the strain on Craig and Lotte's relationship, perhaps with unspoken glances or pauses, to build emotional depth and prepare for future conflicts involving Maxine.
  • Consider extending the ditch scene slightly to show Lotte's immediate aftermath in more detail, allowing for a moment of reflection that balances the humor with the philosophical themes of identity, making the scene more impactful overall.



Scene 22 -  Obsession and Resignation
INT. LESTER'S DINING ROOM - NIGHT
It's a posh place with flocked wallpaper and candelabras.
Lester, Craig, and Lotte sit around an elegantly appointed
table with all different sorts of juices in front of them.
Lotte is still wet. Lester sits quite close to her.
LESTER
Tell me, Lotte, can you understand a
word I'm saying?
LOTTE
Yes, of course, Dr. Lester.
LESTER
Oh, be still my heart.
LOTTE
Dr. Lester, would you point me toward
the restroom?
LESTER
With immense pleasure, my dear. Down
that hall, ninth door on the left.
Watch the step down. It's sunken,
you know.
Lotte smiles, and heads down the hall.
CRAIG
Dr. Lester...

LESTER
More beet-spinach juice, my friend?
CRAIG
No thank you sir. It's delicious,
though. I just wanted to thank you
for the opportunity to work at
LesterCorp, but I'm afraid I'm going
to have to tender my resignation
effectively immediately.
LESTER
I see. Are you unhappy at our little
company?
CRAIG
No sir, not at all. It's just that
I'm going to open my own business
and...
LESTER
And what sort of business will this
be? If you don't mind my asking.
CRAIG
Uh, import-export. Olive oil. Right
on 7 1/2 actually.
(beat)
In the vacant office. So we'll still
be seeing each other.
LESTER
The vacant office. I see. Olive oil.
Interesting. Be warned, Schwartz,
there are certain “doors” which should
never be opened.
CUT TO:
INT. LESTER'S HALLWAY - NIGHT
Lotte walks down the ritzy hallway. She is counting closed
doors in search of the bathroom. She opens a door, looks
inside, gasps, then enters the room.
CUT TO:
INT. LESTER' S ROOM - CONTINUOUS
Lotte enters the room. It is dark. At the far end there is
what amounts to a candle-lit shrine to John Malkovich. The
centerpiece of the shrine is an enormous photograph of

Malkovich bordered by a garland of flowers. Lotte stares at
it for a moment, then drops to her knees in front of it.
CUT TO:
INT. CRAIG AND LOTTE' S BATHROOM - NIGHT
Lotte has just taken a shower. She towels herself dry in
much the same way as Malkovich. Her eyes are closed. She
opens them slowly and sees herself in the mirror.
Disappointedly, she drops the towel and heads out of the
bathroom.
CUT TO:
INT. CRAIG AND LOTTE'S GARAGE - NIGHT
Craig sits at his work table. He is pulling the heads off of
the Craig and the Maxine puppets. He puts the Maxine head on
the Craig puppet. He sighs.
CRAIG
My kingdom for your portal, Maxine.
CUT TO:
Genres: ["Comedy","Fantasy","Drama"]

Summary In a luxurious dining room, Lotte asks Lester for directions to the restroom, leading to a flirtatious exchange. Craig announces his resignation from LesterCorp to pursue an olive oil business, prompting Lester to cryptically warn him about 'doors' not to be opened. Lotte discovers a candle-lit shrine to John Malkovich in the hallway, kneeling in reverence, while later in the bathroom, she mimics Malkovich but feels disappointed by her own reflection. Meanwhile, in the garage, Craig modifies puppets, expressing a longing for Maxine's portal, leaving unresolved tensions and themes of obsession and identity.
Strengths
  • Innovative concept
  • Witty dialogue
  • Dynamic character interactions
  • Surreal setting
Weaknesses
  • Potential confusion for viewers unfamiliar with the premise
  • Lack of clarity on some character motivations

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively combines humor, fantasy, and drama to create a unique and engaging narrative. The dialogue is witty, the character dynamics are intriguing, and the setting adds a whimsical element to the story.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of entering John Malkovich's mind through a portal is innovative and thought-provoking. It introduces philosophical questions about identity and self-exploration in a comedic and fantastical manner.

Plot: 8.5

The plot is engaging, with the introduction of the portal into Malkovich's mind adding a layer of complexity to the story. The scene moves the narrative forward while maintaining a sense of mystery and intrigue.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces unique character dynamics and hints at mysterious elements, such as the shrine to John Malkovich, adding a fresh twist to the familiar setting of a dinner conversation.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-developed, each with their quirks and motivations. The interactions between Craig, Lotte, and Lester are dynamic and reveal underlying tensions and desires.

Character Changes: 8

The characters undergo subtle changes in their perspectives and relationships, particularly in their interactions with each other and their own desires. These shifts hint at deeper emotional arcs and growth.

Internal Goal: 8

Lester's internal goal is to maintain control and authority over his domain, as seen in his interactions with Lotte and Craig. This reflects his need for power and validation.

External Goal: 7.5

Lester's external goal is to understand and possibly influence Craig's decision to resign and start his own business. This reflects the immediate challenge of potential loss of talent and control within LesterCorp.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict in the scene is primarily internal, with characters facing dilemmas related to their desires and decisions. The tension arises from their interactions and the choices they make.

Opposition: 7.5

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create uncertainty and challenge the characters' decisions, adding depth to the narrative.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are moderately high, as characters grapple with personal revelations, desires, and the consequences of their actions. The introduction of the portal adds a sense of mystery and potential danger to the narrative.

Story Forward: 9

The scene propels the story forward by introducing new elements, deepening character dynamics, and setting up future conflicts and resolutions. It adds layers of complexity to the narrative while maintaining a sense of intrigue.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected turn of events, such as Craig's resignation and the discovery of the shrine, adding layers of intrigue and suspense.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict revolves around the themes of power, control, and ambition. Lester's warning to Craig about 'doors' that should not be opened hints at deeper moral dilemmas and consequences.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from humor to melancholy, as characters navigate their relationships and personal revelations. The mix of tones adds depth and resonance to the narrative.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is sharp, witty, and reflective of each character's personality. It adds depth to the interactions and drives the scene forward with humor and emotional resonance.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its blend of humor, tension, and mystery, keeping the audience intrigued about the characters' motivations and future developments.

Pacing: 8.5

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, leading to impactful character revelations and interactions.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting adheres to the expected standards for a screenplay, with clear scene descriptions and dialogue cues.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a structured format with clear character interactions and progression of events, maintaining engagement and coherence.


Critique
  • The scene effectively advances the plot by establishing Craig's shift from employment at LesterCorp to his new venture with the portal, which builds anticipation for the escalating conflict involving the 'doors' metaphor. This foreshadowing is a strong element, as it ties into the film's central themes of hidden realities and the dangers of exploring them, making Lester's warning feel ominous and integral to the narrative. However, the dialogue in this moment comes across as somewhat expository and unnatural, with Craig's explanation of his new business feeling forced and lacking the subtlety that could make it more engaging for the audience.
  • Character development is handled with some nuance, particularly in Lotte's arc, where her discovery of the Malkovich shrine reveals her deepening obsession, mirroring the film's exploration of identity and desire. This moment is visually compelling and adds to the surreal humor, but it could benefit from more emotional depth; Lotte's reaction feels abrupt, and without additional context or internal reflection, it might not fully convey the psychological impact, potentially leaving viewers disconnected from her transformation.
  • The use of multiple cuts between locations (Lester's dining room, hallway, shrine, Craig and Lotte's bathroom, and garage) creates a fragmented pace that mirrors the chaotic and disorienting tone of the story. While this technique emphasizes the characters' disjointed lives and the theme of disconnection, it risks feeling disjointed or confusing if not executed with careful visual rhythm in the final film, as the rapid shifts might dilute the emotional weight of each segment.
  • Visually, the scene leverages symbolic elements effectively, such as the shrine to Malkovich and Craig's puppet modification, which reinforce the motifs of worship and control prevalent throughout the screenplay. However, the bathroom scene with Lotte could be more impactful if it included subtler cues, like a closer shot on her face or a voice-over echo of Malkovich's mannerisms, to heighten the audience's understanding of her internal conflict and make the disappointment more visceral and relatable.
  • Overall, the scene serves as a pivotal transition point, heightening tension and character obsessions, but it occasionally prioritizes plot progression over character intimacy. For instance, Craig's final line about trading his 'kingdom' for Maxine's portal is a poignant encapsulation of his envy and desire, yet it feels somewhat isolated without stronger ties to his earlier interactions, which could strengthen the thematic cohesion and make his character arc more compelling.
  • In terms of tone, the scene maintains the film's blend of dark comedy and surrealism, with Lester's flirtatiousness adding levity, but the humor sometimes overshadows the underlying dread, particularly in Lester's warning. This could be refined to balance the comedic elements with a more foreboding atmosphere, ensuring that the audience feels the weight of the consequences building toward the climax.
Suggestions
  • Refine the dialogue to make it more natural and less expository; for example, have Craig hint at his resignation through subtext or action rather than a direct statement, allowing the audience to infer his intentions and making the scene feel more dynamic.
  • Smooth the transitions between cuts by adding transitional elements, such as sound bridges or overlapping visuals, to reduce fragmentation and help the audience follow the emotional thread more easily, enhancing the scene's flow and coherence.
  • Deepen character moments by incorporating more sensory details or internal monologues; for instance, expand Lotte's reaction to the shrine with a brief flashback or voice-over to better illustrate her obsession, making her arc more empathetic and engaging.
  • Strengthen thematic integration by linking Craig's puppet work more explicitly to the portal concept, perhaps through a visual parallel or a line of dialogue that connects his artistry to the mind-invasion theme, reinforcing the film's core ideas of control and identity.
  • Adjust pacing by consolidating some cuts or adding pauses for reaction shots, ensuring each segment has room to breathe and build tension, which could make the scene more impactful and less rushed.



Scene 23 -  Identity Crisis and Obsession
INT. CRAIG AND MAXINE'S OFFICE - MORNING
Maxine sits at her desk composing an ad. Craig stands behind
her, ostensibly looking over her shoulder, but actually
studying the back of her head. He sighs.
MAXINE
Okay. Here it is.
(reading)
Ever want to be someone else? Now
you can. No kidding. Only two hundred
dollars for fifteen minutes. Visit
J.M. Inc., Mertin-Flemmer Building.
etc., etc.
CRAIG
Sounds good. Oblique but intriguing.
Phone it in.
Maxine dials the phone. Lotte enters.
CRAIG
Lotte! Why aren't you at the pet
shop?
LOTTE
Fuck pets. Is this your partner?

LOTTE
I had to come back and do the
Malkovich ride again. Fuck everything
else. Is this her?
MAXINE
(into phone)
Yes, hello, I wanted to place an ad.
(to Lotte)
Hi, are you Craig's wife?
LOTTE
Yes, Hi.
CRAIG
Lotte, Maxine. Maxine, Lotte.
Lotte and Maxine shake hands.
LOTTE
Hi. Have you done Malkovich yet?
MAXINE
Hi, uh.
(into phone)
Hi. I wanted to place an ad. Yes.
"Ever want to be someone else?" No,
that's the ad, but let's talk about
you in a minute. "Ever want to be
someone else? Now you can. No
kidding..."
CRAIG
(to Lotte)
Why aren't you at work?
LOTTE
I've been going over and over my
experience last night. It was amazing.
(beat)
I've decided I'm a transsexual. Isn't
that the craziest thing?
CRAIG
What, are you nuts? That's Oprah
talking.
LOTTE
Everything felt right for the first
time. I need to go back to make sure,
then if the feeling is still there.
I'm going to speak to Dr. Feldman
about sexual reassignment surgery.

CRAIG
This is absurd. Besides Feldman's an
allergist. If you're going to do
something, do it right.
(beat)
It's just the thrill of seeing through
someone else's eyes, sweetie. It'll
pass.
LOTTE
Don't stand in the way of my
actualization as a man, Craig.
MAXINE
(hanging up the phone)
Let her go, Craig. I mean “him."
CRAIG
(anything for Maxine)
Yeah, okay.
(opens the portal
door)
I'll pick you up.
Lotte enters. Craig closes the door. stands there.
MAXINE
You better hurry. Traffic.
Maxine tosses Craig his car keys. He heads out the door.
Maxine dials the phone.
MAXINE
(into phone)
Davey? Max. Get me John Malkovich's
home phone? That's great. Love ya
and owe ya.
CUT TO:
Genres: ["Drama","Comedy"]

Summary In a morning scene at Craig and Maxine's office, Maxine reads an advertisement for J.M. Inc. while Craig, distracted and skeptical, listens. Lotte, Craig's wife, unexpectedly arrives, expressing her obsession with the 'Malkovich ride' and announcing her belief that she is a transsexual. Craig dismisses her claims as temporary, but Maxine supports Lotte's identity exploration, leading Craig to reluctantly allow Lotte to re-enter the portal. The scene ends with Maxine making a call to obtain John Malkovich's home phone number.
Strengths
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Innovative concept
  • Character dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Potential confusion with the fantastical elements
  • Lack of deeper exploration of emotional consequences

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively blends humor with introspection, introduces a unique concept that sparks curiosity, and advances character relationships and plot development.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of entering John Malkovich's mind through a portal is innovative and thought-provoking, adding layers of complexity to the narrative and exploring themes of identity and perception.

Plot: 8

The plot advances significantly with the introduction of the portal concept, setting up future conflicts and character arcs while adding depth to the storyline.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces fresh and unexpected elements like Lotte's sudden revelation and the concept of 'being someone else' for a price. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and push the boundaries of traditional storytelling.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

Character dynamics are well-developed through dialogue and actions, showcasing individual quirks, conflicts, and motivations that drive the scene forward.

Character Changes: 8

Lotte's revelation about her identity and Craig's decision to explore the portal concept mark significant character changes, setting up future arcs and conflicts.

Internal Goal: 8

Maxine's internal goal is to maintain control and composure in the face of unexpected situations, like Lotte's revelation and Craig's dismissive attitude towards it. This reflects her need for stability and professionalism.

External Goal: 7.5

The protagonist's external goal is to handle the ad placement and navigate the interpersonal dynamics in the office smoothly. This reflects the immediate challenge of balancing work responsibilities with personal relationships.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7.5

Conflict arises from the characters' differing perspectives on the portal concept and personal revelations, creating tension and driving the scene's emotional dynamics.

Opposition: 7.5

The opposition in the scene is strong, particularly in Lotte's unexpected announcement and Craig's dismissive response. This creates a conflict that adds depth to the character interactions and drives the scene forward.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are raised through the exploration of personal identity, relationship dynamics, and the fantastical portal concept, adding complexity and intrigue to the narrative.

Story Forward: 9

The scene propels the story forward by introducing a key concept, deepening character relationships, and setting up future conflicts and developments.

Unpredictability: 8

The scene is unpredictable due to Lotte's sudden announcement about her gender identity, which adds a surprising twist to the narrative. The audience is left wondering about the implications of this revelation.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict revolves around identity and self-actualization, as seen in Lotte's sudden realization about her gender identity and Craig's dismissive response. This challenges traditional beliefs about gender and personal fulfillment.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7.5

The scene elicits a range of emotions from humor to introspection, engaging the audience with character dilemmas and the fantastical concept of entering another's mind.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is witty, engaging, and reveals character traits and relationships effectively, adding humor and depth to the scene while driving the narrative forward.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its mix of humor, drama, and unexpected character revelations. The dynamic interactions between the characters keep the audience intrigued and invested in the unfolding events.

Pacing: 8.5

The pacing of the scene is well-crafted, balancing dialogue exchanges with moments of reflection and tension. It enhances the scene's effectiveness by maintaining a rhythm that keeps the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting adheres to the standard screenplay format, making it easy to follow the character actions and dialogue. It aligns with the genre expectations for a dialogue-heavy scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a coherent structure with clear character interactions and progression of events. It maintains the expected format for a dialogue-driven office setting scene.


Critique
  • This scene effectively escalates the absurdity and thematic depth of the screenplay by deepening the characters' obsessions and advancing the plot toward the commercialization of the portal. Lotte's abrupt entrance and declaration of her transsexual identity highlight the transformative and disorienting effects of the portal, reinforcing the film's exploration of identity and self-actualization. However, the rapid shift from Maxine's ad composition to Lotte's interruption feels somewhat disjointed, potentially overwhelming the audience with too many ideas in a short span, which could dilute the comedic impact if not paced carefully. Craig's infatuation with Maxine is portrayed through subtle actions like sighing and staring, which adds a layer of pathetic humor, but his quick capitulation to Lotte's demands for Maxine's sake might come across as overly simplistic, reducing his character agency and making his motivations feel repetitive from earlier scenes. The dialogue, while snappy and true to the film's quirky tone, occasionally borders on exposition-heavy, such as when Lotte explains her experience, which could benefit from more show-don't-tell moments to maintain engagement. Overall, the scene successfully builds tension around the portal's allure and the characters' deteriorating relationships, but it risks feeling like a bridge scene rather than a standalone moment with strong emotional stakes, as the humor relies heavily on the absurdity without fully grounding the characters' emotional turmoil.
  • One strength of this scene is how it uses visual and auditory elements to enhance the comedic absurdity, such as Maxine multitasking on the phone while interacting with Lotte, and Craig's distracted behavior adding a layer of silent comedy. This aligns well with the film's surreal style, but the lack of descriptive action lines in the provided scene text (e.g., no explicit details on facial expressions or body language) might make it harder for readers to visualize the humor, potentially weakening the scene's impact in a screenplay format. Additionally, Lotte's character arc is pushed forward dramatically with her transsexual revelation, which is a bold narrative choice that ties into the theme of inhabiting others' identities, but it feels rushed and could be more nuanced to avoid stereotyping or trivializing serious themes for comedic effect. The interaction between the characters reveals interpersonal dynamics—Craig's weakness, Maxine's opportunism, and Lotte's desperation—but the scene doesn't allow much room for conflict resolution or deeper exploration, making it feel like a setup for future events rather than a self-contained unit. Finally, the ending with Maxine calling for Malkovich's number teases future plot developments, which is effective for pacing, but it might leave viewers wanting more immediate consequences to heighten the stakes in this moment.
  • The scene's dialogue is witty and character-driven, capturing the film's blend of humor and pathos, particularly in lines like Lotte's 'Fuck pets' and 'Don't stand in the way of my actualization,' which convey her obsession and growth. However, some exchanges, such as Craig's dismissal of Lotte's feelings with 'That's Oprah talking,' feel a bit dated or clichéd, potentially dating the screenplay if it's meant to be timeless. The comedic tone is maintained through the absurdity of the situation, but the scene could better balance humor with emotional depth, as Craig and Lotte's relationship strain is touched upon but not fully explored, which might make their interactions seem superficial. Visually, the portal door opening and closing adds a recurring motif that builds intrigue, but without more sensory details in the description, it might not fully immerse the audience in the surreal experience. Overall, while the scene successfully propels the narrative forward and reinforces key themes, it could be strengthened by tightening the pacing and ensuring that character revelations feel earned rather than abrupt, helping to maintain the film's delicate balance between comedy and drama.
Suggestions
  • Refine the pacing by adding a brief beat or transitional moment before Lotte's entrance to build anticipation, such as having Craig and Maxine share a tense glance or a line of dialogue that hints at underlying tension, making the interruption feel more organic and less jarring.
  • Enhance character depth by expanding on Craig's internal conflict—perhaps through a subtle action or line where he hesitates before agreeing to let Lotte use the portal, showing his struggle between his feelings for Maxine and his concern for Lotte, to make his decisions feel more nuanced and less purely motivated by attraction.
  • Improve dialogue naturalness by softening some of the more expository lines; for example, instead of Lotte directly stating 'I've decided I'm a transsexual,' show her confusion through fragmented speech or physical mannerisms, allowing the audience to infer her state of mind and adding layers to the humor and drama.
  • Incorporate more visual elements to amplify the comedic and thematic aspects, such as describing Maxine's bored expression while on the phone or Craig's longing stare in more detail, to better utilize the medium of film and make the scene more engaging for readers and viewers alike.
  • Strengthen the emotional stakes by ending the scene with a small consequence or foreshadowing element, like Maxine reacting more pointedly to Lotte's obsession or Craig showing a flicker of regret, to create a smoother transition to the next scenes and ensure the scene doesn't feel like just a plot device.



Scene 24 -  Intrusions of Desire
INT. JOHN MALKOVICH'S LIVING ROOM - DAY
Malkovich's POV. He sits on the couch. drinks coffee, and
reads a copy of Awake and Sing. Bach plays on the stereo in
the background.
MALKOVICH
(reading aloud)
So you believe in God... you got
something for it? You worked for all
the capitalists. You harvested the
fruit from your labor? You got God!
LOTTE (V.O.)
What raw, animal power!

MALKOVICH
But the past comforts you? The present
smiles on you, yes?
The phone rings. Malkovich puts down the script, and picks
up the phone.
MALKOVICH
(into phone)
Yeah?
MAXINE (O.S.)
(telephone voice)
Mr. Malkovich?
MALKOVICH
Who's calling?
MAXINE (O.S.)
You don't know me, but I'm a great
admirer of yours.
MALKOVICH
How'd you get this number?
MAXINE (O.S.)
It's just that I fantasize about you
and, well, speaking to you now has
gotten me sort of excited and...
LOTTE (O.S.)
(turned on)
Oh, I like this.
MALKOVICH
Listen, this is not amusing. Please
don't call here any...
MAXINE (0.S.)
(giggling)
Oho, such authority! NY nipples are
at attention, General Malkovich,
sir. So I'll be at Bernardo's tonight
at eight. Please, please meet me
there. I just adored you in that
jewel thief movie...
Malkovich hangs up the phone.
LOTTE (V.O.)
My God!

LOTTE (V.O.)
(attempting thought
control)
Meet her there. Meet her there. Meet
her there. Meet her there. Meet her
there...
Malkovich goes back to his script.
LOTTE
Meet her there. Meet her there. Meet
her there...
Malkovich picks up a pen and writes: Bernardo's 8:00.
CUT TO:
EXT. DITCH - MORNING
Craig waits. Lotte pops into the ditch. She's wet and slimy.
CRAIG
How was it?
LOTTE
I have to go back tonight. At eight
Exactly.
CRAIG
Why?
LOTTE
Don't crowd me, Craig.
CUT TO:
Genres: ["Drama","Comedy"]

Summary In this surreal scene, John Malkovich relaxes in his living room, reading and listening to music, when he receives a flirtatious phone call from Maxine, which annoys him but excites Lotte's voice-over urging him to meet her. After hanging up, Malkovich is compelled to note the meeting details. The scene shifts to a ditch where Lotte, appearing wet and slimy, insists to Craig that she must return to the experience at eight o'clock, showcasing her obsession and creating tension between them.
Strengths
  • Innovative concept
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Character dynamics
  • Emotional depth
Weaknesses
  • Potential confusion for the audience due to surreal elements

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene is engaging and innovative, introducing a fantastical concept that adds depth to the storyline and characters. The blend of tones keeps the audience intrigued, while the execution is well-done, setting up further developments.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of entering John Malkovich's mind is a bold and imaginative idea that adds a layer of complexity and intrigue to the story. It opens up new possibilities for character exploration and plot development.

Plot: 8

The plot advances significantly with the introduction of the Malkovich encounter, setting the stage for further exploration of identity, desire, and relationships. The scene adds depth to the narrative and raises the stakes for the characters.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on celebrity culture and personal boundaries, presenting a unique blend of humor and surrealism. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and unexpected, adding to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters' reactions to the Malkovich encounter reveal new facets of their personalities and motivations. The scene deepens the relationships between the characters and sets the stage for potential growth and conflict.

Character Changes: 8

The scene initiates subtle changes in the characters, particularly in their desires, motivations, and relationships. The introduction of the Malkovich encounter sets the stage for potential character growth and transformation.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to maintain control over his personal space and boundaries. This reflects his need for privacy and autonomy, as well as his fear of being intruded upon or manipulated.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to navigate an unexpected and potentially uncomfortable situation with the phone call from Maxine. This reflects the immediate challenge of dealing with an admirer who crosses boundaries.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7.5

The scene introduces internal conflicts within the characters, particularly regarding desire, self-discovery, and relationships. The tension between the characters adds depth to the narrative and sets the stage for further developments.

Opposition: 7.5

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Maxine's intrusive behavior posing a challenge to Malkovich's desire for privacy and control. The audience is left uncertain about how Malkovich will handle the situation.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are raised with the introduction of the Malkovich encounter, as the characters face new challenges, desires, and uncertainties. The scene sets the stage for potential risks and rewards, adding tension to the narrative.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by introducing a new and intriguing narrative element. It sets up future plot developments and character arcs, creating anticipation for what's to come.

Unpredictability: 9

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected phone call from Maxine and the surreal nature of the dialogue and character interactions. The audience is kept on their toes, unsure of how the scene will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the clash between personal boundaries and external intrusion. Malkovich's desire for privacy and control is challenged by Maxine's bold and invasive behavior, highlighting a clash of values regarding personal space and celebrity culture.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from confusion and excitement to sensuality and defeat. The characters' reactions and interactions create a compelling emotional depth that resonates with the audience.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue effectively conveys the confusion, excitement, and tension of the scene. It reveals the characters' inner thoughts and desires, driving the narrative forward and setting up future interactions.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its blend of humor, tension, and unpredictability. The dialogue and interactions between characters keep the audience intrigued and invested in the unfolding events.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is well-crafted, with a balance of dialogue and action that maintains momentum and builds tension effectively, leading to a satisfying resolution.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting adheres to the expected format for a screenplay, with clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting, enhancing readability and clarity.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with distinct beats and transitions, effectively balancing dialogue and action to maintain pacing and engagement.


Critique
  • The scene effectively maintains the surreal and comedic tone of the overall script by using John Malkovich's POV and Lotte's voice-over to illustrate the possession mechanic, which immerses the audience in the absurdity of inhabiting another's mind. This technique is consistent with earlier scenes and reinforces the theme of identity loss and control, making it a strong continuation of the narrative arc. However, the repetitive chanting by Lotte ('Meet her there') feels overly insistent and could border on caricature, potentially diminishing the subtlety of her influence and making the scene less engaging for viewers who might find it predictable or heavy-handed.
  • Character development is evident in Lotte's growing obsession, as shown through her voice-over and immediate demand to return to the portal, which ties back to her transsexual realization in the previous scene. This progression adds depth to her arc, highlighting the transformative and addictive nature of the portal experience. On the downside, Malkovich's portrayal remains somewhat passive; his reactions to the phone call and Lotte's mental intrusions lack nuance, making him feel more like a vessel than a fully realized character. Enhancing his internal conflict could make the scene more emotionally resonant and provide a better contrast to the comedic elements.
  • The dialogue, particularly Maxine's flirtatious phone call, is witty and advances the plot by setting up the meeting at Bernardo's, which is crucial for future conflicts. It also cleverly uses misdirection and humor to build tension. However, some lines, like Malkovich's abrupt hang-up and Lotte's exclamations, come across as expository or rushed, which might disrupt the flow and reduce authenticity. Refining these to include more subtext or natural pauses could improve the pacing and make the interactions feel less scripted.
  • Visually, the scene benefits from the POV shots, which create a disorienting and intimate perspective, enhancing the film's unique style. The cut to the ditch in the morning provides a stark contrast and emphasizes the physical and emotional toll of the portal, but the transition feels abrupt and could confuse audiences if not handled carefully in editing. This jump might benefit from a smoother narrative link to maintain momentum and clarity, especially given the scene's short length and its role as a bridge between key events.
  • In terms of thematic integration, the scene underscores the script's exploration of desire, control, and the blurring of identities, with Lotte's voice-over attempting thought control mirroring Craig's puppeteering obsession. However, it misses an opportunity to delve deeper into the psychological implications, such as Malkovich's potential awareness or discomfort, which could add layers of horror or empathy. Overall, while the scene is functional and entertaining, it could be elevated by balancing its comedic absurdity with more grounded emotional beats to better serve the story's depth.
  • Pacing-wise, the scene is concise and moves the plot forward efficiently, estimating around 45-60 seconds of screen time based on typical screenplay rhythms. This brevity is a strength in a fast-paced script, but it might sacrifice opportunities for visual or auditory details that could enrich the atmosphere, such as more sensory descriptions of Malkovich's environment or the slimy emergence in the ditch, making the experience more vivid and immersive for the audience.
Suggestions
  • Vary Lotte's voice-over delivery to include a mix of persuasive whispers, urgent commands, and internal monologues to make her influence feel more dynamic and less repetitive, reducing the chanting to key moments for greater impact.
  • Add subtle physical reactions for Malkovich during the phone call, such as hesitating before hanging up or glancing around suspiciously, to convey his unease and humanize him, making the possession more unsettling and engaging.
  • Refine the dialogue to incorporate more natural, idiosyncratic speech patterns; for example, have Maxine's flirtation include specific references to Malkovich's films or mannerisms to personalize her character and heighten the humor.
  • Smooth the transition between the living room and the ditch by using a sound bridge, like the sound of the portal slurping carrying over, or add a brief establishing shot of the turnpike to maintain geographical and temporal coherence.
  • Incorporate additional sensory details in the ditch scene, such as Craig's concerned expression or Lotte's physical disorientation, to emphasize the aftermath of the portal and build emotional stakes without extending the scene length.
  • Consider adding a line or action that foreshadows future conflicts, like Craig questioning Lotte's fixation more directly, to strengthen the scene's role in the larger narrative and improve character relationships.



Scene 25 -  A Chance Encounter at Bernardo's
INT. BERNARDO'S - NIGHT
Malkovich's POV. It's a busy Italian restaurant. Malkovich
looks around, checks his watch: 8:03. A guy walks up to him.
GUY
Excuse me, are you John Malkovich?
MALKOVICH
Yes.
GUY
Wow. You were really great in that
movie where you played that retard.
MALKOVICH
Thank you very much.

GUY
I just wanted to tell you that. And
say thank you. I have a cousin that's
a retard, so, as you can imagine, it
means a lot to me to see retards
portrayed on the silver screen so
compassionately.
The guy walks away. Malkovich scans the room. Maxine enters
the restaurant. We see her, but Malkovich doesn't single her
out of the crowd. She looks around.
LOTTE (V.O.)
Maxine!
Maxine spots Malkovich. and heads over. He focuses on her.
MAXINE
Hi. I'm so glad you decided to come.
I'm Maxine.
Maxine holds out her hand. She is charming. Malkovich takes
her hand.
MALKOVICH
I'm John. I didn't think I was going
to come, but I felt oddly compelled.
I have to admit I was a bit intrigued
by your voice.
LOTTE (V.O.)
God, she's beautiful. The way she's
looking at me. At him. At us.
MAXINE
And the funny thing is. Mr. Malkovich,
my voice is probably the least
intriguing thing about me.
LOTTE (V.O.)
I've never been looked at like this
by a woman.
MALKOVICH
Can I get you a drink?
MAXINE
Whatever you're having.
CUT TO:
Genres: ["Drama","Romance","Comedy"]

Summary In a bustling Italian restaurant, John Malkovich experiences an awkward interaction with a fan who compliments his performance in a controversial film. As he navigates the crowded space, he is captivated by the entrance of Maxine, who charmingly introduces herself and flirts with him. Lotte's voice-over reflects on her feelings of admiration and jealousy as Malkovich offers to buy Maxine a drink, leading to a promising connection between them.
Strengths
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Intriguing premise
  • Strong character dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Lack of overt conflict
  • Limited character development for John Malkovich

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9.2

The scene is well-crafted, blending elements of romance, drama, and comedy seamlessly. The unexpected encounter at Bernardo's adds depth to the storyline and showcases strong character dynamics and engaging dialogue.


Story Content

Concept: 9.1

The concept of entering John Malkovich's mind adds a unique and intriguing element to the scene, setting the stage for unexpected encounters and exploring themes of identity and perception.

Plot: 9

The plot progresses significantly with the introduction of the mind portal concept and the subsequent meeting at Bernardo's. The scene adds depth to the character relationships and sets the stage for further developments.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh approach to a common social interaction scenario by delving into the complexities of human connection and communication. The dialogue feels authentic and engaging.


Character Development

Characters: 9.4

The characters are well-developed and showcase depth in their interactions. The dynamics between Craig, Maxine, and John Malkovich create intrigue and emotional resonance.

Character Changes: 9

The characters experience subtle shifts in their perceptions and relationships during the scene, setting the stage for further development and exploration of their arcs.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to navigate a social interaction with Maxine and potentially explore a romantic connection. This reflects his deeper desire for connection and intrigue.

External Goal: 7.5

The protagonist's external goal is to engage in conversation with Maxine and establish a connection with her. This reflects the immediate challenge of socializing and making a good impression.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7.5

While the scene lacks overt conflict, there is an underlying tension and intrigue in the interactions between the characters, especially with the introduction of the mind portal concept.

Opposition: 7.5

The opposition in the scene comes from the social dynamics and the characters' differing perspectives, creating a sense of uncertainty and intrigue.

High Stakes: 8

While the stakes are not overtly high in this scene, the emotional and relational implications of the characters' interactions add depth and significance to the narrative.

Story Forward: 9

The scene propels the story forward significantly by introducing new dynamics and relationships, setting the stage for future conflicts and resolutions.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected compliments and the underlying tension in the characters' interactions.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

There is a philosophical conflict evident in the scene between superficial interactions and deeper connections. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs about relationships and authenticity.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9.3

The scene evokes a strong emotional response, particularly in the romantic and charming moments between Maxine and Malkovich. The audience is drawn into the characters' feelings and connections.

Dialogue: 9.2

The dialogue is engaging, witty, and emotionally resonant, capturing the essence of the characters and driving the scene forward. The exchanges between Maxine and Malkovich are particularly captivating.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the witty dialogue, the subtle tension between characters, and the anticipation of how their interaction will unfold.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene builds tension effectively, allowing for moments of introspection and character development.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting adheres to the standard screenplay format, making it easy to follow and visualize the interactions between characters.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a dialogue-driven interaction in a screenplay, effectively building tension and intrigue.


Critique
  • The scene effectively uses the first-person POV from Malkovich's perspective to immerse the audience in the surreal and voyeuristic elements of the story, reinforcing the film's central theme of identity theft and possession. However, the fan's use of the term 'retard' feels dated and insensitive by today's standards, potentially alienating modern audiences and undermining the character's intended compassion; it could be rephrased to maintain the awkwardness without perpetuating harmful stereotypes, thus better aligning with contemporary sensitivity in storytelling.
  • While the dialogue between Malkovich and Maxine is charming and flirtatious, it lacks depth in exploring Malkovich's internal conflict, especially given that Lotte's voice-over is influencing him. This makes the scene feel somewhat superficial, as it doesn't fully capitalize on the opportunity to heighten tension or reveal more about Malkovich's psyche, which could make the audience more invested in his gradual loss of control.
  • Lotte's voice-over adds a layer of humor and obsession but risks becoming expository and heavy-handed, pulling focus from the visual storytelling. In this scene, it effectively conveys her jealousy and desire, but it could be more subtle to avoid overwhelming the primary action, allowing the audience to infer emotions through Malkovich's reactions and body language instead of direct commentary.
  • The scene advances the plot by establishing the budding relationship between Maxine and Malkovich (under Lotte's influence), but it feels abrupt and could benefit from more buildup to increase suspense. For instance, the quick shift from the fan interaction to Maxine's entrance doesn't allow for a smooth escalation of stakes, which might make the scene more engaging if it were paced to build anticipation.
  • Overall, the scene fits well into the film's absurd and comedic tone, highlighting themes of desire and miscommunication, but it could strengthen the narrative by better connecting to the previous scenes where Lotte's obsession is building. This would create a more cohesive flow, ensuring that the audience feels the weight of her influence without needing to rely solely on voice-over for context.
Suggestions
  • Update the fan's dialogue to use more neutral or contextually appropriate language, such as referencing the role as 'a character with disabilities' to avoid offense and make the scene more inclusive, while still conveying the fan's awkward admiration.
  • Extend the interaction between Malkovich and Maxine by adding subtle physical cues or pauses that reflect Malkovich's discomfort or confusion due to Lotte's influence, such as hesitant gestures or glances, to deepen character development and make the flirtation more tense and multifaceted.
  • Reduce the frequency of Lotte's voice-over lines to make them more impactful; for example, limit her commentary to key moments, like when Maxine first appears, and use visual elements like Malkovich's facial expressions or body language to convey the internal struggle, enhancing the scene's subtlety and emotional resonance.
  • Incorporate more transitional elements to smooth the scene's flow, such as a brief moment where Malkovich scans the room more deliberately before spotting Maxine, building suspense and better linking it to the previous scene's setup where Lotte is urging him to meet her.
  • To improve thematic integration, add a small detail that ties back to the portal's effects, like Malkovich experiencing a fleeting disorientation that hints at his possession, reinforcing the film's exploration of identity without overloading the scene with exposition.



Scene 26 -  Dinner of Discontent
INT. CRAIG AND LOTTE'S CAR - NIGHT
Craig drives. Lotte is soaking wet. She stares out the window.

CRAIG
So how was it? What was he doing?
LOTTE
Oh, you know, not a lot. Just hanging
around his apartment. I think he
must be a lonely man.
CRAIG
You see, men can feel unfulfilled,
too. I'm glad you're realizing that.
You shouldn't be so quick to assume
that switching bodies would be the
answer to all your problems.
LOTTE
You're right. You know I was thinking
that we should have Maxine over for
dinner. Since you two are partners
and all. It might be a nice gesture.
CRAIG
I don't know. There's some tension
between us. I'd hate to expose you
to that.
LOTTE
It'll be okay. I'll fix my lasagna.
We’ll smoke a joint.
(dreamily)
Tensions will melt away.
CUT TO:
INT. CRAIG AND LOTTE'S DINING ROOM - NIGHT
Craig, Lotte, and Maxine are seated at the table and eating
lasagna. Lotte eyes Maxine. Craig eyes Maxine. There is an
awkward silence.
LOTTE
(to Maxine)
Did you know that Eskimos have not
one, but fifty words for snow. It's
because they have so much of it.
CRAIG
After dinner I'll show you my puppets.
MAXINE
Ah.
LOTTE
After that I'll introduce you to my
favorite monkey, Elijah. He's got an

LOTTE
ulcer, due to a suppressed childhood
trauma. But we're getting to the
bottom of it.
(whispers)
Psychotherapy.
There is another silence.
MAXINE
(to no one in
particular)
The way I see it, the world is divide
into those go after what they want
and those who don't. The passionate
ones, the ones who go after what
they want, may not get what they
want, but they remain vital, in touch
with themselves, and when they lie
on their deathbeds, they have few
regrets. The ones who don't go after
what they want... well, who gives a
shit about them anyway?
Maxine laughs. There is another silence. Suddenly, at the
same moment, both Craig and Lotte lunge for Maxine and start
kissing her passionately about the face and neck. They stop
just as suddenly and look at each other.
CRAIG
You?
Lotte looks away.
MAXINE
Craig, I just don't find you
attractive. And, Lotte, I'm smitten
with you, but only when you're in
Malkovich. When I looked into his
eyes last night, I could feel you
peering out. Behind the stubble and
the too-prominent brow and the male
pattern baldness, I sensed your
feminine longing peering out, and it
just slew me.
CRAIG
(disgusted)
My God.
Lotte strokes Maxine's face. Craig clears dishes from the
table.

MAXINE
(to Lotte, removing
her hand)
Only to John, sweetie. I'm sorry.
(gets up)
Thanks for a wonderful dinner.
(walks past kitchen.
to Craig)
No hard feelings, partner.
Maxine exits. Craig and Lotte look at each other.
LOTTE
I want a divorce.
CUT TO:
Genres: ["Drama","Comedy"]

Summary In this tense scene, Craig and Lotte drive home after Lotte's experience in John Malkovich's body, discussing loneliness and proposing a dinner with Maxine to ease tensions. The dinner is filled with awkward small talk, leading to a moment of unexpected passion when both Craig and Lotte kiss Maxine, who only reciprocates Lotte's affection when she is in Malkovich's body. Maxine's rejection of Craig and her conditional attraction to Lotte highlight the complex dynamics among the trio. The scene culminates in Lotte's shocking announcement that she wants a divorce, leaving the relationships in turmoil.
Strengths
  • Effective portrayal of emotions
  • Dynamic character interactions
  • Engaging dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Awkward silences may be too prolonged
  • Lack of resolution to the tension

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys a mix of emotions through awkward interactions and reveals, keeping the audience engaged and intrigued.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of unrequited love, identity exploration, and the complexities of relationships is effectively explored in the scene.

Plot: 8

The plot progresses through the revelation of characters' feelings and conflicts, adding depth to the overall story.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces fresh dynamics in relationships, explores unconventional character interactions, and delves into complex emotional territories. The dialogue feels authentic and reveals hidden layers of the characters.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed, each with their own desires and conflicts, leading to a dynamic and engaging interaction.

Character Changes: 8

The characters experience shifts in their relationships and perceptions, leading to personal growth and self-realization.

Internal Goal: 8

Lotte's internal goal is to find fulfillment and connection, as seen through her interactions with Craig and Maxine. She seeks validation and understanding of her desires and emotions.

External Goal: 7.5

The external goal is to navigate the complexities of relationships and personal desires, as evidenced by the tension between Lotte, Craig, and Maxine.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict arises from the unrequited attraction and the tension between the characters, creating a compelling dynamic.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting desires, unspoken tensions, and unexpected revelations creating obstacles for the characters to navigate.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are high in terms of emotional vulnerability and the potential impact on relationships, adding tension to the scene.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by deepening the character dynamics and setting up future conflicts and resolutions.

Unpredictability: 8.5

This scene is unpredictable because of the sudden shifts in character dynamics, unexpected confessions, and the surprising actions taken by the characters.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict revolves around desires, identity, and the pursuit of fulfillment. It challenges the characters' perceptions of themselves and their relationships.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from awkwardness to disappointment and rejection, resonating with the audience.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue effectively conveys the tension, rejection, and longing present in the scene, adding depth to the character interactions.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to the blend of humor, tension, and unexpected developments in the characters' relationships. The dialogue keeps the audience invested in the unfolding drama.

Pacing: 8.5

The pacing of the scene enhances its effectiveness by building tension gradually, allowing emotional moments to resonate, and culminating in a surprising climax that propels the story forward.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting adheres to the expected norms of screenplay format, making it easy to follow the character interactions and scene progression.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a coherent structure that effectively conveys the evolving dynamics between the characters. Transitions are smooth, and the pacing maintains the tension.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the surreal and comedic tone of the screenplay by escalating the absurdity of the characters' obsessions, particularly with the simultaneous kiss attack on Maxine, which visually and thematically reinforces the theme of shared desires and identity confusion. However, the transition from the car conversation to the dinner feels somewhat disjointed, lacking a smooth buildup that could heighten the awkward tension. This abrupt shift might confuse viewers or dilute the emotional impact, as the audience is not given enough time to absorb Craig and Lotte's discussion about fulfillment before plunging into the dinner dynamics. Additionally, Lotte's character arc appears inconsistent; her dreamy suggestion to invite Maxine over contrasts sharply with her later demand for a divorce, which comes across as sudden and underdeveloped, potentially undermining the depth of her obsession with Malkovich established in prior scenes.
  • Dialogue in this scene serves the comedic purpose well, with Maxine's monologue about pursuing desires being a highlight that adds philosophical weight to the absurdity, but it risks feeling didactic and out of place in a casual dinner conversation. The small talk elements, like the Eskimo snow fact and Lotte's whisper about her monkey's therapy, come off as filler that doesn't advance character or plot significantly, making the scene feel meandering before the punchline. Craig's line 'You?' after the kiss reveals a missed opportunity for more nuanced emotional expression, as his disgust could be explored further to show his internal conflict between jealousy and his own infatuation with Maxine. Overall, while the dialogue drives the humor, it could benefit from tighter integration with the characters' motivations to make the exchanges feel more organic and less expository.
  • Pacing is a strength in the comedic beats, such as the sudden kiss, which delivers a sharp, unexpected laugh, but the scene's structure could be refined to build suspense more gradually. The awkward silences are well-utilized to create discomfort, but they might be over-relied upon, potentially making the scene drag in parts. The ending, with Lotte's divorce announcement, feels rushed and anticlimactic, not giving enough weight to a pivotal moment in their relationship. This could be improved by adding subtle foreshadowing in the car scene or through non-verbal cues during dinner to make the escalation feel earned rather than abrupt.
  • The tone maintains the film's blend of humor and pathos, with the surreal elements like Lotte being soaking wet adding visual comedy that ties into the portal's bizarre nature. However, the scene risks tipping too far into farce, especially with the kiss, which might overshadow the underlying emotional stakes of identity and unrequited love. For instance, Craig's advice in the car about men feeling unfulfilled is a good nod to his character development, but it's undercut by the comedic absurdity, making it hard for the audience to connect with his vulnerability. Balancing the humor with moments of genuine emotion could make the scene more resonant and help viewers understand the characters' deeper struggles.
  • Visually, the scene is vivid and cinematic, with strong images like Lotte staring out the wet car window and the chaotic dinner table, but it could use more descriptive actions to enhance the surreal atmosphere. For example, adding details about the characters' body language during the silences—such as fidgeting or avoiding eye contact—could amplify the tension. The cut to the dinner also misses a chance to show a time transition or Craig and Lotte preparing for the evening, which might make the scene feel more grounded in the story's reality. Overall, while the visual elements support the comedy, they could be leveraged more to explore the thematic elements of possession and desire.
Suggestions
  • Add transitional beats between the car and dinner scenes, such as a short montage of Craig and Lotte inviting Maxine or preparing the meal, to smooth the flow and build anticipation for the awkward dinner.
  • Refine the dialogue to make it more natural; for instance, integrate the Eskimo snow fact into a character's backstory or use it to reveal more about Lotte's state of mind, rather than as idle chatter.
  • Develop Lotte's character arc by including subtle hints in earlier dialogue or actions that foreshadow her divorce announcement, ensuring it feels like a natural progression rather than a sudden shift.
  • Enhance the comedic timing by extending the build-up to the kiss scene with more incremental tension, such as prolonged eye contact or hesitant movements, to make the absurdity more impactful and less abrupt.
  • Incorporate more visual cues to emphasize themes, like using reflections in the car window or dinner table settings to symbolize the characters' fragmented identities, adding depth without overloading the scene.



Scene 27 -  A Transformative Encounter
INT. CRAIG AND MAXINE'S OFFICE - MORNING
It is deadly silent. Craig and Maxine sit at their desks.
The wall clock ticks. Craig whistles tunelessly, every once
in a while looking up and discreetly checking out Maxine.
Eventually there is a knock at the door.
CRAIG
(a little too urgently)
Come in!
Erroll, a sad, fat young man enters meekly.
ERROLL
Hello, I'm here about the ad.
CRAIG
Please, have a seat.
Erroll sits in a chair in front of Craig's desk. He glances
nervously over at Maxine.
ERROLL
When you say, I can be somebody else,
what do you mean exactly?
CRAIG
Exactly that. We can put you inside
someone else's body for fifteen
minutes.
ERROLL
Oh, this is just the medical
breakthrough I've been waiting for.
Are their any side effects? Please
say no! Please say no!

MAXINE
No.
ERROLL
Long term psychic or physiological
repercussions?
MAXINE
No. Don't be an ass.
ERROLL
Can I be anyone I want?
MAXINE
You can be John Malkovich.
ERROLL
Well that's perfect. My second choice.
Ah, this is wonderful. Too good to
be true! You see, I'm a sad man. Sad
and fat and alone. Oh, I've tried
all the diets, my friends. Lived
for a year on nothing but imitation
mayonnaise. Did it work? You be the
judge. But Malkovich! King of New
York! Man about town! Most eligible
bachelor! Bon Vivant! The
Schopenhauer of the 20th century!
Thin man extraordinaire!
MAXINE
Two hundred dollars, please.
ERROLL
Yes. Yes. A thousand times, yes!
Erroll takes out his wallet.
CUT TO:
EXT. DITCH - DAY
Craig waits by his car, checks his watch. "Pop!" Erroll
plops into the ditch, wet and unkempt. He looks around, sees
Craig, charges him with a yell and gives him an enormous
bear hug.
ERROLL
Oh, thank you! Thank you! Thousand
times, thank you!
CRAIG
(gasping for air)
Tell your friends.

ERROLL
Oh, I will, and I have many, many
friends and associates, my friend.
All, by the way, in Overeaters
Anonymous. All of them fat and alone
like me, all of them dream of being
someone else, all of them with John
Malkovich as their second choice!
CUT TO:
Genres: ["Comedy","Fantasy"]

Summary In a quiet office, Craig and Maxine run a body-swapping service. They meet Erroll, a lonely and overweight man eager to experience life as someone else, specifically John Malkovich. Despite Maxine's blunt demeanor, Erroll pays for the service and undergoes the transformation. Afterward, he emerges grateful and enthusiastic, hugging Craig and promising to recommend the service to others in his support group. The scene blends comedic absurdity with heartfelt moments.
Strengths
  • Innovative concept
  • Witty dialogue
  • Absurd humor
  • Character dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Limited emotional depth
  • Some characters lack depth

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.7

The scene is highly engaging due to its unique concept, witty dialogue, and absurd humor. It sets up an intriguing premise and keeps the audience entertained throughout.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of entering John Malkovich's mind is innovative and intriguing, offering a fresh take on identity exploration and the desire to be someone else.

Plot: 8.5

The plot progresses smoothly, introducing the central concept and setting up conflicts and character motivations effectively.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh concept of body-switching technology and explores themes of identity and escapism in a humorous yet thought-provoking manner. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and engaging.


Character Development

Characters: 8.7

The characters are well-developed, each with their unique quirks and motivations. Their interactions drive the scene forward and add depth to the narrative.

Character Changes: 8

Erroll undergoes a subtle change from sadness and loneliness to excitement and gratitude after experiencing the Malkovich portal, showcasing a shift in his perspective.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to escape his own reality of being sad, fat, and alone by experiencing life as someone else, specifically John Malkovich. This reflects his deep desire for transformation and escapism from his current state.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to experience being John Malkovich through the advertised service. This goal reflects his immediate desire to change his physical appearance and social status.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7.5

The conflict arises from Erroll's desire to be someone else and the implications of entering Malkovich's mind, adding tension and humor to the scene.

Opposition: 6

The opposition is present in Erroll's initial hesitation and concerns about the technology's side effects, adding a minor obstacle that creates suspense and uncertainty.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are moderate, revolving around the consequences of entering Malkovich's mind and the potential impact on the characters' lives.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing the Malkovich portal concept and setting up future conflicts and developments.

Unpredictability: 7

The scene is unpredictable in its premise of body-switching technology and the unexpected turn of events when Erroll eagerly embraces the opportunity, adding a layer of surprise and intrigue.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict lies in the protagonist's yearning to be someone else, highlighting the theme of identity, self-acceptance, and the consequences of seeking fulfillment externally.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene focuses more on humor and absurdity than emotional depth, but there are hints of loneliness and longing in Erroll's character that add a touch of poignancy.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is witty, humorous, and drives the scene's tone effectively. It reveals character traits and advances the plot in an engaging manner.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its blend of humor, drama, and the introduction of a unique concept that captivates the audience's curiosity and prompts reflection on human desires.

Pacing: 8

The pacing effectively builds tension and curiosity, leading to a satisfying resolution with Erroll's enthusiastic response, creating a dynamic and engaging scene.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting adheres to the expected standards for a screenplay, making it easy to follow and visualize the scene as intended.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with well-defined character interactions and progression of events, maintaining the audience's interest and advancing the narrative effectively.


Critique
  • The scene effectively advances the plot by illustrating the commercialization of the portal experience, showing how Craig and Maxine's business is gaining traction with everyday people like Erroll. This reinforces the film's satirical take on fame, identity, and exploitation, making it a strong link in the chain of escalating absurdity. However, the character of Erroll feels like a caricature—sad, fat, and lonely—which, while humorous, risks reinforcing stereotypes and lacks depth, potentially alienating viewers who might see it as insensitive or one-dimensional. As a screenwriting teacher, I'd note that this could be an opportunity to add nuance to supporting characters to make the comedy more inclusive and relatable, helping readers understand the broader critique of societal obsessions.
  • Dialogue in the scene is functional for exposition and humor, with Erroll's enthusiastic ramble serving to highlight the allure of the portal and Maxine's blunt responses adding to her sarcastic persona. That said, Craig's and Maxine's lines are somewhat passive and lack emotional weight, making their characters feel static in this moment. This might stem from the overall script's focus on surreal elements, but it could benefit from more subtext or internal conflict to show how the business is affecting them personally, especially given Craig's infatuation with Maxine from previous scenes. This would help viewers connect more deeply with the characters' motivations and the evolving themes of desire and control.
  • The pacing is brisk and comedic, with the scene quickly moving from Erroll's entrance to his exit, which mirrors the fleeting nature of the portal experience. However, the initial silence and tuneless whistling create a build-up that feels underutilized; it sets a tense atmosphere but doesn't pay off strongly, as the transition to Erroll's energy is abrupt. In screenwriting terms, this could be refined to heighten tension or humor, perhaps by using the silence to foreshadow Erroll's outburst or to subtly reveal Craig's distraction with Maxine, making the scene more engaging for readers and audiences alike.
  • Visually, the scene relies on simple actions like Erroll sitting, paying, and hugging Craig, which are effective for comedy but could be more cinematic with added details, such as close-ups on Erroll's facial expressions or the office clutter to emphasize the makeshift nature of their operation. The cut to the ditch is a signature move in the film's style, but it might feel disjointed without stronger transitional elements, potentially confusing readers who are following the screenplay's flow. Enhancing visual descriptions could better convey the surreal tone and help the writer build a more immersive world.
  • Thematically, this scene ties into the film's exploration of escapism and the human desire to be someone else, with Erroll's monologue explicitly stating his loneliness and idolization of Malkovich. However, it doesn't push the envelope as much as earlier scenes, feeling somewhat repetitive in its portrayal of customer enthusiasm. A critique for improvement would be to use this scene to introduce a twist or deeper insight, such as hinting at the ethical ramifications of the business, which could enrich the narrative and provide a smoother buildup to the conflicts in later scenes, like the cult's involvement or legal threats.
  • Overall, the scene maintains the film's blend of humor and darkness but could strengthen its impact by balancing the absurdity with moments of genuine emotion. For instance, Erroll's hug and gratitude are touching in a comedic way, but exploring Craig's reaction more—perhaps showing a flicker of guilt or excitement—could tie back to his character arc of moral decline, making the scene not just funny but also a pivotal moment in his transformation. This would aid readers in understanding how each scene contributes to the larger story of identity loss and control.
Suggestions
  • Refine Erroll's dialogue to add layers of humor or vulnerability, such as including specific, relatable anecdotes about his life to make him less of a stereotype and more empathetic, which could enhance the comedic impact without relying on physical appearance for laughs.
  • Incorporate more visual and directional cues, like close-ups on Craig's longing glances at Maxine or subtle body language changes during Erroll's speech, to break up the dialogue and make the scene more dynamic and filmic, improving its pacing and engagement.
  • Develop Craig and Maxine's reactions to Erroll's enthusiasm to reveal their internal conflicts—e.g., Craig could show a moment of hesitation about the business's ethics, tying into his arc, while Maxine might display subtle amusement or greed—to add depth and make the scene feel less expository.
  • Extend the scene slightly to build suspense before Erroll enters the portal, perhaps with a brief exchange between Craig and Maxine about their growing customer base, to better connect it to the previous scenes and foreshadow future complications like the line of customers in Scene 28.
  • Consider adding a small twist or unique element, such as Erroll mentioning an unexpected side effect or a personal connection to Malkovich, to make the scene stand out and reinforce the film's themes of identity, while ensuring it transitions smoothly to the ditch sequence for better narrative flow.



Scene 28 -  The Confrontation at the 7 1/2 Floor
INT. HALLWAY 7 1/2 FLOOR - DAY
The hall outside Craig and Maxine's office sports a long
line of crouching fat people, all clutching cash in their
hands.
CUT TO:
INT. CRAIG AND MAXINE'S OFFICE - CONTINUOUS
Craig kneels at the door and peeks out through the mail slot.
Maxine sits at her desk and files her toenails.
CRAIG
This is amazing! We're gonna be rich!
MAXINE
So unbolt the fucking door, Einstein.
Craig unlocks the door. Lester steps in, closes the door
behind him, locks it.
LESTER
You're making a big mistake, Schwartz.
(nods to Maxine)
MA'AM.
CRAIG
Dr. Lester, I don't know what you're
talking about.
LESTER
There are rules, boy, procedures,
etiquette. This is not a toy. I've
been waiting seventy years to utilize
this room, grooming myself, quietly
setting the stage, performing
ablutions, paying tribute, seeing
all his motion pictures again and
again. Worshipping, Schwartz,
worshipping properly.
CRAIG
You're insane.

LESTER
I am not alone. There are others. We
are legion. You will pay for this
blasphemy. You will pay dearly.
Lester exits. Craig looks at Maxine. There is a moment of
tension. Finally:
MAXINE
Crackpot.
Craig opens the door. The first few fat people move noisily
into the room.
CUT TO:
Genres: ["Drama","Comedy"]

Summary In scene 28, set on the 7 1/2 floor, a line of obese customers eagerly awaits service from Craig and Maxine. Inside their office, Craig excitedly peeks through the mail slot, while Maxine nonchalantly files her toenails. When Lester enters, he confronts Craig about breaking unwritten rules and threatens dire consequences for his actions. Craig dismisses Lester's warnings as madness, and after a tense exchange, Lester leaves, hinting at a larger group that will retaliate. Despite the confrontation, Craig and Maxine proceed with their business as the customers begin to enter the office.
Strengths
  • Tension-building
  • Sharp dialogue
  • Intriguing concept
Weaknesses
  • Limited character development in this specific scene

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively builds tension and conflict through the discovery of the forbidden room and the confrontation between the characters. The dialogue and actions create a sense of intrigue and defiance, keeping the audience engaged.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a forbidden room with mysterious implications is intriguing and adds depth to the storyline. It introduces a new layer of conflict and raises questions about the characters' motivations.

Plot: 8.5

The plot progresses significantly with the discovery of the forbidden room and the conflict that arises between the characters. It adds complexity to the narrative and drives the story forward.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh and unconventional situation with the lineup of fat people and the mysterious room on the 7 1/2 floor. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and unexpected, adding to the scene's originality.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters' reactions and interactions in the scene are well-developed and contribute to the escalating tension. Each character's personality shines through in their dialogue and actions.

Character Changes: 7

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the interactions hint at potential shifts in relationships and motivations.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to navigate a strange and escalating situation while maintaining his composure and sense of control. This reflects his need for validation, competence, and the desire to prove himself in challenging circumstances.

External Goal: 7.5

The protagonist's external goal is to handle the unexpected arrival of Lester and the fat people in a way that protects his and Maxine's interests. This goal reflects the immediate challenge of dealing with an unforeseen threat to their business or safety.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is intense and multi-layered, involving personal stakes and moral dilemmas. The confrontation between the characters adds depth to the narrative.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Lester's imposing presence and ominous warnings creating a sense of threat and conflict. The audience is left uncertain about the outcome, adding to the scene's tension.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high as the characters navigate the consequences of exploring the forbidden room and defying established rules. The outcome could have significant repercussions.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by introducing a new conflict and deepening the mystery surrounding the forbidden room. It sets the stage for further developments in the plot.

Unpredictability: 8.5

This scene is unpredictable because of the sudden appearance of Lester and the fat people, as well as the escalating tension and mysterious elements introduced. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of how the situation will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the clash between Lester's reverence for the room and Craig's dismissive attitude towards it. This conflict challenges Craig's beliefs about respect, tradition, and the consequences of disrespecting sacred spaces.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a range of emotions, including tension, defiance, and intrigue. The characters' conflicting motivations create a compelling emotional dynamic.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is sharp and impactful, conveying the characters' emotions and motivations effectively. It adds depth to the scene and enhances the conflict between the characters.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its blend of humor, suspense, and unexpected developments. The interactions between characters and the escalating conflict keep the audience invested in the unfolding events.

Pacing: 8.5

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, with well-timed reveals and character interactions. The rhythm of the dialogue and actions enhances the scene's impact and keeps the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting adheres to the expected format for its genre, with proper scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting. This clarity enhances the readability and impact of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a coherent structure with clear transitions between locations and character interactions. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the scene's effectiveness in building tension and intrigue.


Critique
  • This scene effectively escalates the conflict by introducing Lester as a direct antagonist, highlighting the consequences of Craig and Maxine's exploitation of the portal. It builds on the established theme of obsession and control, with Lester representing a counterforce of ritualistic worship that contrasts with Craig's commercial approach. However, the confrontation feels somewhat abrupt, lacking the buildup that could make Lester's entrance more ominous and impactful, potentially reducing the tension in a story that relies on surreal, escalating stakes.
  • Lester's dialogue is heavily expository, revealing his personal history and the existence of a 'legion' of followers in a way that feels like an info dump. This can make the scene less engaging for the audience, as it prioritizes explaining backstory over showing it through subtler means, such as visual cues or prior hints in earlier scenes. While it advances the plot, it might alienate viewers who prefer implication over direct exposition, especially in a film with a satirical, absurd tone.
  • Craig and Maxine's reactions to Lester are dismissive and one-dimensional, with Maxine's 'Crackpot' line providing humor but little depth. This reinforces their characters' arrogance and self-absorption but misses an opportunity to explore Craig's internal conflict, given his own puppeteering obsessions and recent personal turmoil. A more nuanced response could add layers to the scene, making it more emotionally resonant and tying into the broader themes of identity and manipulation.
  • The visual elements, such as the line of crouching fat people and Maxine filing her toenails, maintain the film's quirky, humorous aesthetic, effectively contrasting the mundane with the absurd. However, the transition from Lester's dramatic exit to the fat people entering feels rushed, diminishing the weight of the confrontation and making the scene's resolution anticlimactic. This could benefit from better pacing to allow the audience to absorb the tension before shifting back to business-as-usual.
  • Overall, the scene serves as a pivotal moment in foreshadowing larger conflicts, but it could be more integrated with the film's surreal tone by incorporating more symbolic or visual metaphors related to puppeteering and control. For instance, Lester's warning about 'rules and etiquette' could be mirrored in Craig's body language or the office environment to enhance thematic depth, helping readers and viewers better understand the escalating dangers without relying solely on dialogue.
Suggestions
  • Add a subtle foreshadowing element before Lester's entrance, such as a shadow under the door or a muffled voice in the hallway, to build suspense and make his appearance more startling and effective.
  • Refine Lester's dialogue to be more cryptic and less expository; for example, use metaphors or fragmented references to his 'worship' that hint at his backstory without spelling it out, encouraging audience inference and adding mystery.
  • Give Maxine a more active role in the confrontation, such as having her interject with a sarcastic comment or physical reaction, to deepen her character and balance the scene's dynamics, making her less of a passive observer.
  • Extend Craig's reaction to Lester's threat with a brief internal moment, like a close-up of his face showing doubt or a quick flashback to his puppeteering, to heighten emotional stakes and connect it to his arc of self-destruction.
  • Slow down the ending by adding a beat after Lester leaves, such as a tense silence or a shared glance between Craig and Maxine, to emphasize the gravity of the warning before cutting to the customers entering, improving pacing and tension release.



Scene 29 -  The Dark Initiation
INT. DR. LESTER'S ALTAT ROOM - NIGHT
Many cloaked people in the room kneeling with candles in
hand before the lit photo of Malkovich. Lotte kneels in the
back row. They chant:
DISCIPLES OF MALKOVICH
How much do we love you? We loved
you in "Making Mr. Right." That is
how much we love you. We even own
the director's cut on laser disc.
Please accept us into your head as
we have accepted you into our hearts.
Please let us be you. Amen.
CUT TO:
INT. LESTER'S DINING ROOM - A BIT LATER
The worshippers mill about, chatting, drinking coffee,
nibbling on cookies.
LESTER
May I have your attention, please.
We have a new disciple among us
tonight.
DISCIPLES OF MALKOVICH
Hallelujah.
LESTER
She is the wife of Schwartz.
A stunned hush falls over the group.
LOTTE
(apologetically)
I'm getting divorced.

LESTER
No you mustn't, my child.
LOTTE
But why, Son of Malkovich?
LESTER
We need you on the inside, my child.
To report on his comings and goings,
and if need be, to... destroy him...
(hands Lotte a gun)
...for lack of a better word.
CUT TO:
Genres: ["Drama","Fantasy"]

Summary In a chilling scene set in Dr. Lester's altar room, cloaked disciples, including Lotte, engage in fervent worship of Malkovich. The atmosphere shifts to a casual gathering in the dining room, where Lester announces Lotte as a new disciple, revealing her connection to Schwartz, which stuns the group. Despite her plans for divorce, Lester pressures Lotte to remain married to spy on Schwartz and hands her a gun, highlighting the cult's sinister and obsessive nature.
Strengths
  • Intriguing concept of cult worship
  • High level of conflict and tension
  • Engaging dialogue and character interactions
Weaknesses
  • Potential for the cult theme to become cliché if not handled carefully

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene is highly engaging, introducing a new level of intrigue and danger with the introduction of a cult-like worship of John Malkovich and the revelation of a plan to potentially harm him.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of a cult worshiping John Malkovich adds a unique and intriguing layer to the story, raising the stakes and introducing a new level of danger.

Plot: 8.5

The plot thickens with the introduction of the cult and the revelation of a plan to potentially harm John Malkovich, adding complexity and raising the stakes.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh and original concept of a cult devoted to a celebrity figure, blending elements of satire and psychological drama. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and engaging, offering a unique take on themes of identity and devotion.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters in the scene, particularly Lotte and Lester, show depth and complexity, with their actions driving the plot forward and adding layers of conflict.

Character Changes: 7

Lotte's character undergoes a subtle change as she becomes more involved in the cult-like worship of John Malkovich, hinting at potential transformations to come.

Internal Goal: 8

Lotte's internal goal is to navigate her loyalty to the cult and her personal life, particularly her impending divorce. This reflects her inner conflict between her desire for acceptance within the group and her need for independence and self-assertion.

External Goal: 7.5

Lotte's external goal is to maintain her cover within the cult while dealing with the revelation of her divorce. She must balance her loyalty to the group with her personal circumstances.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is high, with the revelation of a plan to harm John Malkovich and the tension between the characters adding intensity and intrigue.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting desires and hidden agendas among the characters. Lotte's internal struggle and the cult's manipulative tactics create a sense of uncertainty and suspense.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in the scene, with the revelation of a plan to harm John Malkovich and the escalating tension within the cult adding a sense of danger and urgency.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing new elements, escalating the conflict, and setting the stage for future developments.

Unpredictability: 8.5

This scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected twists in character motivations and the shifting power dynamics within the cult. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of how Lotte's choices will impact the narrative.

Philosophical Conflict: 8.5

The philosophical conflict lies in the cult's belief in total devotion to Malkovich versus Lotte's emerging sense of individual agency and personal freedom. This challenges her beliefs about identity and belonging.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from devotion and manipulation to tension and danger, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the outcome.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue effectively conveys the cult-like devotion and the tension between the characters, adding to the overall atmosphere of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its blend of dark humor, suspenseful moments, and emotional conflicts. The juxtaposition of cult rituals with personal revelations keeps the audience intrigued and invested in the characters' journeys.

Pacing: 8.5

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and emotional depth, transitioning smoothly between moments of humor and drama. The rhythmic flow enhances the scene's impact and keeps the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting adheres to the expected format for a screenplay, clearly delineating the different locations and character actions. The scene's formatting enhances readability and visual clarity.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a structured format that effectively transitions between the cult ritual and the revelation of Lotte's personal dilemma. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the scene's effectiveness in building tension and emotional depth.


Critique
  • The scene effectively escalates the surreal and absurd tone of the screenplay by introducing a cult-like group worshiping John Malkovich, which ties into the overarching themes of identity, obsession, and control. However, the rapid shift from a ritualistic chant to a casual gathering feels disjointed, potentially undermining the gravity of the cult's devotion and making the transition seem abrupt. This could confuse readers or viewers, as it lacks smooth pacing that builds emotional investment in the disciples' fanaticism.
  • Lotte's character development is somewhat underdeveloped here; her apologetic response to being announced as Schwartz's wife and her quick acceptance of the destructive role feel passive and lack depth. Given her established arc of self-discovery and obsession with Malkovich, this scene misses an opportunity to show her internal conflict more vividly, such as through facial expressions, body language, or subtle dialogue that reveals her hesitation or moral struggle, making her actions feel more like plot devices than organic character progression.
  • The dialogue, particularly the chant, is humorous and on-the-nose, reinforcing the satire, but it borders on caricature without adding layers to the characters or world-building. Phrases like 'We even own the director's cut on laser disc' are clever nods to pop culture, but they might come across as overly expository, telling rather than showing the cult's depth. Additionally, Lester's explanation for why Lotte must not divorce feels contrived, as it directly states the plot's needs without subtle foreshadowing from earlier scenes, which could make the conflict less believable.
  • Visually, the scene has strong potential with elements like cloaked figures, candles, and a photo shrine, evoking a sense of eerie ritual, but the cut to the dining room with casual activities dilutes this atmosphere. The contrast is intentional for comedic effect, but it could be better balanced to maintain tension, especially since this is a pivotal moment introducing a threat to Craig. The ending with the gun handoff is dramatic, but it feels rushed and stereotypical, lacking buildup that could heighten suspense or make the violence feel more integrated into the story's whimsical style.
  • Overall, while the scene advances the plot by pulling Lotte deeper into the conflict and setting up future antagonism toward Craig, it risks feeling like a convenient plot pivot rather than a fully realized moment. In the context of the entire script, which is rich in surreal humor and character-driven absurdity, this scene could better serve as a turning point by emphasizing thematic elements like the dangers of idolization and the erosion of personal identity, but it currently prioritizes exposition over emotional resonance, potentially leaving audiences disconnected from Lotte's journey.
Suggestions
  • Add transitional beats or descriptive actions between the chant and the casual mingling to smooth the pacing, such as showing the disciples slowly removing their cloaks or transitioning with a fade that emphasizes the shift in tone, making the scene feel more cohesive and less jarring.
  • Enhance Lotte's emotional response by including close-up shots or internal monologue that reveal her conflict, such as a moment where she hesitates before accepting the gun, or add dialogue where she questions the morality of the task, to make her character more relatable and give the audience insight into her motivations.
  • Refine the dialogue to be less direct; for example, make the chant more poetic or symbolic, focusing on emotional adoration rather than specific movie references, and have Lester imply the need for Lotte to monitor Craig through subtle hints or shared glances with other disciples, building intrigue without overt explanation.
  • Build suspense around the gun handoff by foreshadowing it earlier in the scene or through Lester's body language, such as him fidgeting with the gun or referencing past 'sacrifices' made by the cult, to make the reveal more impactful and less abrupt, aligning with the script's blend of humor and darkness.
  • Strengthen the scene's connection to the broader narrative by referencing elements from previous scenes, like Craig's portal business or Lotte's recent experiences, to reinforce continuity and ensure the cult's role feels earned rather than sudden, perhaps by having a disciple mention overheard rumors about the portal to tie it back to Scene 28.



Scene 30 -  Unraveling Ties
INT. CRAIG AND LOTTE'S LIVING ROOM - NIGHT
Craig is putting stuff in boxes. Lotte enters in her cloak.
LOTTE
What are you doing?
CRAIG
I'm moving. Remember? What's with
the hooded cloak?
LOTTE
Nothing. Don't go, Craig. I've been
thinking. Let's try to work this
out. We've got so much history.
CRAIG
(still packing)
You should feed your animals. They're
looking peaked.
LOTTE
I'm getting rid of the fucking
animals.
CRAIG
What?
LOTTE
I'm getting rid of the animals. I've
lost interest. Besides, they're
standing between you and me.
CRAIG
No they're not.
LOTTE
You've always hated the animals.

CRAIG
You've always loved the animals.
LOTTE
I'm giving them up. I've changed.
I've found a new focus.
CRAIG
What's that?
LOTTE
(beat)
Us, of course.
Craig looks up from his packing. He and Lotte stare at each
other for a long while.
CRAIG
(tenderly)
Oh, Lot...
They hug.
CRAIG
What about Maxine?
LOTTE
Fuck Maxine.
CRAIG
We wish.
They look at each other and laugh, them fall back into the
embrace. They both get faraway looks in their eyes.
CUT TO:
INT. CRAIG AND LOTTE'S GARAGE - NIGHT
The clock reads 3:00 AM. Craig, in his pajamas, is working
the Craig and Maxine puppets. They make love on the bare
puppet stage. Craig seems possessed.
CUT TO:
Genres: ["Drama","Romance"]

Summary In this scene, Craig is packing to move out when Lotte, wearing a hooded cloak, pleads with him to stay, revealing her intention to give up her animals to focus on their relationship. Their conversation shifts from tension to tenderness as they share a hug and a laugh, suggesting a momentary reconciliation. However, the scene cuts to Craig alone in the garage at 3:00 AM, where he obsessively manipulates puppets of himself and Maxine in a sexual act, indicating unresolved issues and his continuing obsession.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
  • Humor in tender moments
Weaknesses
  • Low conflict level
  • Limited external action

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively captures a moment of reconciliation and reflection between Craig and Lotte, blending tenderness with humor and showcasing a shift in their relationship dynamics. The dialogue and character interactions are engaging and emotionally resonant.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of reconciliation and reflection in the scene is well-executed, offering a poignant exploration of past history, changing emotions, and the potential for growth in relationships.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene focuses on the resolution of conflict and the rekindling of emotions between Craig and Lotte, moving the story forward by deepening their relationship dynamics.

Originality: 8.5

The scene introduces a fresh approach to the familiar theme of relationship struggles by incorporating elements of humor, vulnerability, and unexpected twists in dialogue. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds depth and originality to the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters of Craig and Lotte are well-developed in this scene, showcasing their emotional depth, humor, and vulnerability. The scene allows for significant character growth and exploration.

Character Changes: 8

Both Craig and Lotte experience significant emotional changes in the scene, moving from conflict to reconciliation and deepening their bond.

Internal Goal: 8

Lotte's internal goal in this scene is to salvage her relationship with Craig and rekindle their connection. This reflects her deeper need for love, understanding, and emotional fulfillment.

External Goal: 7.5

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to address the issue of their relationship and decide whether to move forward together or apart. It reflects the immediate challenge of facing their history and making a choice about their future.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 4

The conflict in the scene is low, focusing more on resolution and emotional connection between the characters.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is moderate, with conflicting desires and unresolved issues between the characters that create tension and uncertainty about the outcome of their relationship.

High Stakes: 3

The stakes in the scene are relatively low, focusing more on personal relationships and emotional growth.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by resolving conflicts and deepening character relationships, setting the stage for further developments.

Unpredictability: 7.5

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected shifts in character dynamics, the revelation of Lotte's decision to give up her animals, and the unresolved nature of their relationship.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the clash between holding onto the past and embracing change. Lotte's decision to give up her animals symbolizes a shift in priorities and values, challenging Craig's perception of her and their relationship.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking feelings of tenderness, nostalgia, and affection in the audience.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue in the scene is engaging, authentic, and emotionally resonant. It effectively conveys the shifting dynamics between Craig and Lotte, blending humor with tenderness.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its emotional intensity, sharp dialogue, and the unresolved tension between the characters that keeps the audience invested in their relationship dynamics.

Pacing: 8.5

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by balancing moments of tension, humor, and introspection, creating a dynamic rhythm that keeps the audience engaged and invested in the characters' emotional journey.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting adheres to the standard conventions of screenplay format, with clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting that enhance readability and flow.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a dramatic moment in a screenplay, with clear character interactions, emotional beats, and a shift in dynamics that propel the narrative forward.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the emotional volatility of Craig and Lotte's relationship, showcasing a brief moment of tenderness that quickly reveals underlying unresolved issues. This contrast highlights Craig's internal conflict and obsession, which is a recurring theme in the script, making it a strong character beat that advances the narrative by underscoring the futility of their reconciliation attempt. However, the sudden shift in Lotte's behavior—her decision to get rid of the animals and focus on 'us'—feels abrupt and underdeveloped, potentially confusing readers or viewers who might not recall her arc from previous scenes. This lack of buildup could weaken the emotional authenticity, as it relies on external context (like her involvement in the cult from scene 29) without sufficient reinforcement here, making her change seem contrived rather than earned.
  • The dialogue is functional in conveying the characters' emotions and advancing the plot, but it occasionally veers into cliché, such as Lotte's line 'We've got so much history' and the humorous exchange about 'Fuck Maxine' and 'We wish.' While the humor adds levity and fits the script's absurdist tone, it risks undermining the scene's emotional weight by feeling too on-the-nose or sitcom-like, which might dilute the tension built from earlier conflicts. Additionally, the tender hug and faraway looks are visually evocative but could benefit from more subtle direction to avoid melodrama, ensuring that the audience feels the characters' pain rather than being told it through overt actions.
  • Visually, the scene uses the living room setting to create intimacy, contrasting with the chaotic garage at the end, which reinforces Craig's obsessive nature. This cut to the garage at 3:00 AM is a clever way to subvert the reconciliation, showing that Craig's fixation on Maxine persists despite the moment of connection. However, this ending might feel repetitive if similar puppetry scenes have been overused earlier in the script, potentially reducing its impact. The cloak Lotte wears is an intriguing detail that ties into her cult involvement from scene 29, but it's underexplained here, which could confuse viewers not paying close attention to the broader narrative, making it seem like a random prop rather than a meaningful symbol.
  • In terms of pacing, the scene is concise, fitting well within the 120-second screen time implied by the context, but it rushes through the emotional beats. The stare, hug, and laugh happen quickly, which might not give the audience enough time to process the shift from conflict to tenderness and back to obsession. This could make the scene feel more like a montage than a fully realized moment, especially when compared to more drawn-out scenes like the dinner in scene 26. Furthermore, the theme of obsession and identity is central to the script, and while this scene reinforces it, it doesn't add new layers, potentially making it feel redundant in a story already rich with similar motifs.
  • Overall, the scene serves as a pivotal moment in Craig and Lotte's arc, illustrating the breakdown of their marriage amidst the surreal elements of the story. It effectively uses contrast—between hope and despair, intimacy and isolation—to engage the audience, but it could be strengthened by better integration with the surrounding narrative. For instance, the connection to Lotte's cult activities and Craig's business ventures isn't explicitly drawn, which might leave some viewers disoriented. As a teaching point, this scene demonstrates how screenwriting can use visual and dialogue cues to reveal character depth, but it also shows the importance of ensuring every element feels purposeful and connected to the larger story to avoid alienating the audience.
Suggestions
  • Add a brief line of dialogue or a visual cue early in the scene to remind the audience of Lotte's recent experiences (e.g., a subtle reference to the cult or her time in Malkovich's mind) to make her sudden change of heart feel more grounded and less abrupt.
  • Refine the dialogue to make it more nuanced and less clichéd; for example, expand on Lotte's reasoning for giving up the animals by tying it to her personal growth or cult influence, and make Craig's response more conflicted to show his true feelings about their relationship.
  • Enhance the visual storytelling by describing Lotte's cloak in more detail or having her fidget with it during the conversation to subtly hint at her hidden agenda from scene 29, building suspense and connecting it to the broader plot.
  • Slow down the pacing in the reconciliation moment by adding a pause or an action (e.g., Craig stopping his packing to fully engage with Lotte) to allow the audience to absorb the emotional shift, making the subsequent cut to the garage more impactful and less jarring.
  • To avoid repetition, vary the depiction of Craig's obsession in the garage scene; for instance, have him incorporate elements from the portal experience into the puppet show to tie it more directly to the main conflict, adding freshness and reinforcing the theme of identity without reusing identical motifs from earlier scenes.



Scene 31 -  Through the Portal: A Night of Deception
INT. MAXINE'S BEDROOM - CONTINUOUS
The phone rings. Maxine sleepily picks it up.
MAXINE
Yes?
LOTTE (O.S.)
I have to see you. Can you call him
and invite us over?

MAXINE
When?
LOTTE (O.S.)
Give me one hour to get inside him
Exactly.
Maxine checks her alarm clock. The time is 3:11 AM.
CUT TO:
INT. CRAIG AND LOTTE'S CAR - NIGHT
Lotte drives.
CUT TO:
INT. MAXINE'S APARTMENT - A BIT LATER
The doorbell rings. Maxine, in a sheer black nightgown,
answers it. John Malkovich stands there.
MAXINE
Thanks so much for coming over.
MALKOVICH
Oh, I'm really glad you called.
Maxine gestures for him to enter. As Malkovich passes by
her, she checks the wall clock. The time is 3:50.
CUT TO:
INT. CRAIG AND MAXINE'S OFFICE - NIGHT
Lotte sits on the floor in the dark. She leans, out of breath,
against the wall next to the portal and checks her watch.
The time is 4:10. She pulls open the door.
CUT TO:
INT. MAXINE'S LIVING ROOM - NIGHT
Maxine and Malkovich sit a bit awkwardly next to each other
on the couch.
MAXINE
So, do you enjoy being an actor?
MALKOVICH
Oh sure. It's very rewarding...
The digital clock on the VCR clicks over to 4:11 AM. Maxine's
look softens, and she kisses Malkovich hard on the lips. He
seems surprised, but quickly warms to it. We shift top

Malkovich's POV as Maxine begins to unbutton Malkovich's
shirt.
LOTTE (V.O.)
Oh my darling. Oh my sweetheart.
MAXINE
I love you, Lotte.
LOTTE (V.O.)
Maxine...
MALKOVICH
(stopping)
I'm sorry, did you just call me
"Lotte"?
MAXINE
Do you mind?
MALKOVICH
(thinking)
No, I guess not. I'm an actor.
They get back to it.
MAXINE
Oh, my sweet, beautiful Lotte.
MALKOVICH
(thinks he's playing
along)
Yes, Maxine, yes.
LOTTE (V.O.)
This is too good to be true.
CUT TO:
INT. CRAIG AND LOTTE'S BEDROOM - NIGHT
A sweaty and spent Craig sneaks back into the bedroom. He
sees that the bed is empty.
CUT TO:
EXT. DITCH - NIGHT
With a gasp and a wail of release, Lotte pops into the ditch.
She is soaking wet and breathes heavily. She just lies there.
CUT TO:
Genres: ["Drama","Romance","Fantasy"]

Summary In this surreal scene, Maxine receives a late-night call from Lotte, who urges her to invite John Malkovich over so she can enter his mind through a portal. After a brief awkward encounter filled with small talk, Maxine passionately kisses Malkovich while calling him 'Lotte,' prompting him to play along. Meanwhile, Lotte experiences the encounter vicariously, culminating in her dramatic emergence from a ditch, gasping and satisfied after the surreal experience. The scene explores themes of intimacy, deception, and the complexities of their relationships.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Sensuality
  • Innovative concept
Weaknesses
  • Potential confusion for audience unfamiliar with body-switching concept

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively combines elements of sensuality, awkwardness, and intimacy to create a compelling and emotionally charged atmosphere. The use of the body-switching concept adds a layer of complexity and intrigue to the interactions between the characters.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of using body-switching to explore romantic relationships and identity is innovative and engaging. It adds depth and complexity to the characters' interactions and allows for unique storytelling opportunities.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene focuses on the unexpected romantic encounter between Maxine and Malkovich, driven by the body-switching element. It moves the story forward by deepening the relationships and adding layers to the characters' motivations.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh and original concept of entering someone else's mind, exploring themes of identity and desire in a unique way. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and unconventional.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters' emotional depth and complexity are highlighted in this scene, particularly through their reactions to the body-switching experience. The interactions between Maxine, Malkovich, and Lotte reveal new facets of their personalities and desires.

Character Changes: 8

The characters experience significant emotional shifts and realizations during the scene, particularly in relation to their desires and relationships. The body-switching experience prompts introspection and personal growth.

Internal Goal: 8

Maxine's internal goal is to express her hidden feelings for Lotte through her actions with Malkovich. This reflects her desire for emotional connection and authenticity in her relationships.

External Goal: 7.5

Maxine's external goal is to navigate the complex dynamics of her relationships with Lotte and Malkovich, while also exploring the surreal experience of entering Malkovich's mind.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict in the scene is primarily internal, revolving around the characters' emotional struggles and desires. The tension arises from their conflicting feelings and the unexpected nature of the romantic encounter.

Opposition: 7.5

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create tension and uncertainty, particularly in the characters' emotional dynamics and the surreal situation they find themselves in.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are relatively high in terms of emotional vulnerability and personal revelations for the characters. The unexpected romantic encounter and the implications of the body-switching experience raise the stakes for their relationships.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by deepening the relationships between the characters and introducing new conflicts and emotional dynamics. It sets the stage for further developments in the plot.

Unpredictability: 8.5

This scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected twists in character interactions and the surreal elements introduced, keeping the audience on edge.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict revolves around identity and desire, as Maxine blurs the lines between her own emotions and those of Lotte while interacting with Malkovich.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact due to the intimate and sensual interactions between the characters. The exploration of desire, identity, and emotional connection evokes strong feelings and engages the audience.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue effectively conveys the sensuality, awkwardness, and emotional intensity of the scene. It adds depth to the characters' interactions and enhances the overall tone of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its blend of mystery, humor, and emotional depth, keeping the audience intrigued by the characters' actions and the unfolding surreal events.

Pacing: 8.5

The pacing effectively builds tension and intrigue, allowing the surreal events to unfold gradually while maintaining the audience's interest.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8.5

The formatting adheres to the expected style for the genre, effectively conveying the scene's transitions and character interactions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a non-linear structure that enhances the surreal and dreamlike atmosphere, fitting the genre's expectations while adding a touch of unpredictability.


Critique
  • The scene effectively utilizes cross-cutting to build tension and illustrate parallel actions across different locations, which is a strong cinematic technique that keeps the audience engaged and heightens the sense of urgency. However, the rapid cuts between Lotte driving, Maxine and Malkovich interacting, and Lotte entering the portal might feel disjointed or confusing without smoother transitions or clearer establishing shots, potentially disorienting viewers and diluting the emotional impact in a story that relies heavily on surreal elements.
  • Dialogue in the scene serves to reveal character motivations and relationships, such as Maxine's flirtatious and manipulative nature when she calls Malkovich 'Lotte,' which underscores the theme of identity confusion. That said, some lines, like Malkovich's response 'I'm an actor' and his quick acceptance of being called 'Lotte,' come across as expository and unnatural, lacking the depth needed to make his character feel authentic in this bizarre situation. This could alienate viewers who need more buildup to believe in the characters' reactions, especially in a comedy-drama where emotional stakes are high.
  • The POV shift to Malkovich's perspective with Lotte's voice-over is a clever visual and auditory device that immerses the audience in the film's central theme of inhabiting another's mind, making the experience feel personal and surreal. However, this technique risks overcomplicating the scene if not balanced with sufficient context or emotional grounding, as the shift might confuse viewers about whose perspective they are witnessing, and it doesn't fully explore Lotte's internal turmoil, missing an opportunity to deepen her character arc and make her obsession more relatable or tragic.
  • The scene advances the plot by escalating Lotte's fixation on Maxine through Malkovich and hints at Craig's growing isolation, tying into the overall narrative of identity and control. Yet, it feels somewhat rushed in its resolution, with Lotte's ejection from the portal and her satisfied state coming across as abrupt and underdeveloped. This lack of lingering on the aftermath diminishes the emotional weight, especially given the preceding scene's focus on Craig's obsession, and it could benefit from more contrast or connection to heighten the themes of unrequited love and deception.
  • Tonally, the scene maintains the film's absurd, comedic edge with elements like the precise clock timings and Malkovich's awkward participation, but it struggles to balance humor with the underlying drama. For instance, the comedic misunderstanding where Malkovich thinks he's 'playing along' overshadows the potential for deeper emotional conflict, such as Lotte's desperation or Maxine's cold manipulation, which could make the scene more impactful and help viewers understand the characters' psyches better in the context of the entire script.
  • Visually, the scene is rich with details like the sheer nightgown, the dark office, and the wet ejection into the ditch, which support the surreal atmosphere. However, these elements are not always leveraged to their full potential; for example, the driving sequence feels redundant and could be trimmed to maintain pacing, while the bedroom cut with Craig adds continuity but doesn't fully capitalize on the contrast between his loneliness and Lotte's ecstasy, potentially leaving readers or viewers with a sense of unresolved tension that isn't adequately addressed.
Suggestions
  • Incorporate smoother transitions between cuts, such as fade-ins or sound bridges, to guide the audience through the parallel actions and reduce confusion, ensuring that the cross-cutting enhances rather than disrupts the narrative flow.
  • Refine the dialogue to make it more natural and character-driven; for instance, expand Malkovich's response to being called 'Lotte' with internal monologue or hesitant actions to show his confusion, making his acceptance feel more earned and less contrived.
  • Add more sensory details during the POV sequence, like specific sounds or tactile sensations, to immerse the audience deeper into Lotte's experience and emphasize the theme of identity, while including a brief moment of Lotte's reflection to build emotional depth and connect it to her overall arc.
  • Extend the ending with Lotte's ejection from the portal to include a short beat where she processes her emotions, perhaps with a voice-over or visual cue, to provide closure and heighten the contrast with Craig's simultaneous actions, strengthening the scene's role in character development and thematic resonance.
  • Balance the tone by interspersing humorous elements with moments of quiet intensity; for example, pause on Maxine's kiss to allow for a build-up of tension, ensuring that the comedy supports rather than overshadows the dramatic undertones of obsession and betrayal.
  • Tighten the pacing by cutting or condensing less essential actions, like the driving sequence, and use visual motifs (e.g., clocks or portals) more consistently to link this scene to previous ones, improving continuity and reinforcing the film's surreal style without overwhelming the audience.



Scene 32 -  Heartbreak and Confusion
INT. CRAIG AND LOTTE'S KITCHEN - MORNING
Craig is hunched over a cup of coffee. The front door can be
heard to open. After a moment Lotte appears in the kitchen
doorway. She is caked with dirt. Craig looks up at her.
CRAIG
You were him last night, weren't
you?
LOTTE
(quietly)
Yes.
CRAIG
And he was with her.
LOTTE
We love her, Craig. I'm sorry.
CRAIG
We?
LOTTE
Me and John.
CRAIG
Don't forget me.
LOTTE
Well, you have the Maxine action
figure to play with.
Craig looks down at his coffee.
LOTTE
I'm sorry. That was nasty.
CRAIG
Life is confusing, isn't it?
LOTTE
Sometimes we're forced to make hard
decisions.
(beat)
I'd like for us to stay together,
Craig. You know, platonically, if
that's possible. I truly value our
friendship.
CRAIG
I feel that somehow my parents never
prepared me to make this particular
decision. Not that I blame them. How
could they know?

CRAIG
Today's world is so complicated.
(beat)
No. I have to go away now. I'm sorry,
Lotte. I'm so sorry.
CUT TO:
INT. CRAIG AND MAXINE'S OFFICE - MORNING
Craig enters with red-rimmed eyes. Maxine sits at her desk,
actually looking kind of radiant.
MAXINE
You're late.
CRAIG
Are you torturing me on purpose?
MAXINE
(matter of fact)
I've fallen in love.
CRAIG
I don't think so. I've fallen in
love. This is what people who've
fallen in love look like.
MAXINE
You picked the unrequited variety.
Very bad for the skin.
CRAIG
You're evil, Maxine.
MAXINE
Do you have any idea what its like
to have two people look at you with
total lust and devotion through the
same pair of eyes? No I don't suppose
you would. It's quite a thrill, Craig.
Craig turns and walks out the door.
CUT TO:
INT. HALLWAY 7 1/2 FLOOR - CONTINUOUS
Craig hurries past a long line of fat people, all looking
eager, all clutching cash.
CUT TO:
Genres: ["Drama","Romance"]

Summary In the morning, Craig confronts Lotte in their kitchen about her infidelity with John and her love for Maxine, leading to a painful discussion about their relationship. Lotte suggests they remain friends, but Craig feels hurt and confused. He later meets Maxine in her office, where she reveals her new love, dismissing Craig's feelings and leaving him feeling more isolated. The scene ends with Craig hurriedly passing a line of eager people in a hallway, emphasizing his emotional turmoil.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Character complexity
  • Subtle storytelling
Weaknesses
  • Lack of external conflict
  • Limited action

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.7

The scene effectively delves into the emotional turmoil and internal conflicts of the characters, showcasing their vulnerabilities and the complexity of their relationships. The dialogue and character interactions are poignant and thought-provoking, adding depth to the narrative.


Story Content

Concept: 8.6

The concept of exploring complex emotions, difficult decisions, and shifting relationships is effectively portrayed in the scene. The exploration of love, regret, and internal conflicts adds depth to the narrative.

Plot: 8.2

While the plot progression is subtle in this scene, the focus on character emotions and relationships drives the narrative forward. The scene sets the stage for further developments in the characters' arcs.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh take on themes of love, betrayal, and friendship, with characters engaging in honest and raw conversations. The authenticity of the dialogue and the emotional depth of the characters contribute to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are richly developed, showcasing vulnerability, regret, and conflicting emotions. Their interactions reveal layers of complexity and add depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 9

The characters undergo subtle but significant changes in their emotional states and relationships. Their decisions and confessions lead to internal shifts and reflections on their connections.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to navigate his feelings of betrayal, confusion, and heartbreak. He grapples with his own emotions and struggles to make sense of the complex situation he finds himself in.

External Goal: 7.5

The protagonist's external goal is to come to terms with the changes in his relationships and make decisions about his future. He is faced with the challenge of dealing with love, betrayal, and uncertainty.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7.5

The conflict in the scene is primarily internal, focusing on the characters' emotional struggles and difficult decisions. The tension arises from their conflicting desires and the complexity of their relationships.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the characters facing internal and external conflicts that challenge their beliefs and values. The audience is left uncertain about the characters' choices and the outcome of their relationships.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in terms of emotional impact and relationship dynamics. The characters' decisions and confessions have significant consequences for their connections and future paths.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by deepening the emotional complexity of the characters and setting the stage for further developments in their relationships. It adds depth to the narrative progression.

Unpredictability: 7.5

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected emotional revelations and the characters' conflicting desires. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of how the characters will navigate their relationships.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the clash between love, loyalty, and personal desires. The protagonist is torn between his feelings for different characters and the moral dilemmas he faces.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions through its exploration of love, regret, and vulnerability. The characters' internal conflicts and emotional depth resonate with the audience, creating a poignant impact.

Dialogue: 8.4

The dialogue is poignant and reflective, capturing the characters' inner thoughts and emotional struggles. It adds depth to the scene and enhances the portrayal of complex relationships.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the intense emotional conflicts, sharp dialogue, and the characters' vulnerability. The audience is drawn into the complex relationships and internal struggles of the characters.

Pacing: 8.5

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and conveys the characters' emotional turmoil. The rhythm of the dialogue and the scene transitions enhance the overall effectiveness of the scene.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting adheres to the expected format for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character dialogue that enhance the reader's understanding of the emotional dynamics.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a coherent structure that effectively conveys the emotional turmoil and conflicts faced by the characters. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the scene's effectiveness.


Critique
  • This scene effectively captures the emotional turmoil and relational complexities central to the screenplay's themes of identity, possession, and unrequited love. The confrontation between Craig and Lotte in the kitchen is raw and honest, mirroring the surreal absurdity of the overall story, but Lotte's quick pivot to suggesting a platonic friendship feels underdeveloped. It comes across as a convenient plot device rather than a natural evolution of her character arc, potentially undermining the authenticity of their relationship breakdown. For readers or viewers, this moment highlights the script's strength in blending personal drama with the fantastical elements, but it could benefit from more subtle buildup to make Lotte's change of heart feel earned, especially given her recent obsessions shown in prior scenes.
  • Craig's dialogue, particularly his reflection on his parents not preparing him for life's complexities, adds a layer of vulnerability and humor that fits the script's tone. However, this line risks feeling overly expository and philosophical, which might slow the pacing in a scene already heavy with emotional beats. It serves to humanize Craig amidst his descent into obsession, but in a screenplay known for its fast-paced, absurd comedy, such moments could alienate audiences if they disrupt the rhythm. Strengthening this by tying it more directly to visual or physical actions, like Craig clutching his coffee cup tightly, could make it more cinematic and less reliant on dialogue for emotional conveyance.
  • The shift to Craig and Maxine's office interaction escalates the scene's tension, effectively contrasting Craig's heartbreak with Maxine's radiant, almost triumphant demeanor. This highlights the power dynamics and unrequited love theme, but Maxine's lines, such as describing the thrill of being loved by two people through the same eyes, border on caricature. They emphasize her seductive and self-centered nature but lack depth, making her come across as one-dimensional compared to Craig's more nuanced struggle. For improvement, this could be balanced by adding subtext or hints of her own insecurities, drawing from earlier scenes where she engages in the portal business, to make her character more relatable and the conflict more engaging for the audience.
  • The visual elements, like Craig's red-rimmed eyes and the line of eager fat people in the hallway, reinforce the scene's themes of obsession and commodification of the portal experience. This ending shot is a strong callback to the business's absurdity and Craig's isolation, providing a humorous yet poignant close. However, the scene could better utilize the screenplay's visual storytelling potential by incorporating more descriptive actions or reactions, such as close-ups on Craig's face during key lines or the sound of the crowd's anticipation, to heighten the emotional and comedic impact without over-relying on dialogue.
  • Overall, the scene advances the plot by solidifying the disintegration of Craig and Lotte's marriage and Craig's growing antagonism toward Maxine, setting up future conflicts. Yet, it occasionally feels predictable in its emotional beats, with Craig's decision to leave and his accusation of Maxine being 'evil' lacking surprise. This predictability might stem from the script's repetitive use of similar confrontations across scenes, and while it maintains thematic consistency, it could be elevated by introducing unexpected twists or deeper psychological insights to keep the audience engaged and reflect the characters' evolving states more dynamically.
Suggestions
  • Add subtle flashbacks or visual cues in the kitchen scene to remind the audience of Craig and Lotte's shared history, making Lotte's plea for a platonic relationship feel more grounded and emotionally resonant, thus strengthening the scene's impact.
  • Refine Craig's introspective dialogue by integrating it with physical actions, such as him pacing or handling objects nervously, to maintain pacing and make the moment more visually engaging, reducing the risk of it feeling too talky.
  • Develop Maxine's character by giving her dialogue more layers, perhaps revealing a personal stake in the portal business or her relationship with Lotte, to avoid her coming across as purely antagonistic and add complexity to the unrequited love dynamic.
  • Enhance the cinematic elements by including more detailed descriptions of visuals and sounds, like the muffled noises from the hallway line during Craig's exit, to better convey the surreal atmosphere and tie into the broader themes of commodification and obsession.
  • Introduce a small twist or revelation in the confrontation, such as Craig hinting at his own portal experiences or Lotte referencing a specific memory, to add unpredictability and deepen character development, making the scene less formulaic and more memorable.



Scene 33 -  Morning Tensions
INT. LESTER'S OFFICE - MORNING
Lester sits at his desk. The intercom buzzes.
LESTER
(depressing switch)
Yes, my dear?
FLORIS (O.S.)
(intercom voice)
Someone names A Lot of Warts on line
two.
LESTER
Thank you, Floris.
FLORIS (O.S.)
(intercom voice)
Think, Jew florist?
LESTER
(pressing line 2)
Good morning, Lotte!
LOTTE (O.S.)
Dr. Lester, everything's falling
apart.
CUT TO:
INT. GUN SHOP - MORNING
Craig is at the counter buying a pistol.
CUT TO:
INT. JUICY-JUICE JUICE BAR - MORNING
Lester and Lotte sit at a table. They both have really large
glasses of carrot juice in front of them.
LOTTE
I blew it, Dr. Lester.
LESTER
You followed your heart, my child,
and that is not necessarily a bad
thing.
LOTTE
But now we've lost access to Craig.

LESTER
(laughs)
My child, I don't think its a great
mystery what Craig's up to.
CUT TO:
CUT TO:
Genres: ["Drama","Comedy"]

Summary In scene 33, Lester receives a humorous intercom call from his assistant Floris, mistakenly announcing Lotte as 'A Lot of Warts.' Lotte urgently calls, expressing her distress over losing access to Craig, who is shown buying a gun, hinting at escalating danger. At the Juicy-Juice Juice Bar, Lester reassures Lotte that following her heart was not wrong, while Craig's ominous actions loom in the background. The scene ends with a 'CUT TO:' indicating a transition, leaving the tension unresolved.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Character interactions
  • Humorous elements
Weaknesses
  • Lack of external conflict
  • Limited plot progression

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively combines elements of drama and comedy, delving into characters' emotional turmoil while maintaining a touch of humor. The dialogue and character interactions create a compelling atmosphere.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of personal revelations and relationship dynamics is well-developed. The scene explores complex emotions and character motivations effectively.

Plot: 8

The plot progression revolves around character revelations and conflicts, driving the emotional core of the scene. It sets up future developments and adds depth to the narrative.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a mix of ordinary settings with emotionally charged interactions, offering a fresh take on character dynamics and conflicts. The dialogue feels authentic and reveals layers of the characters' personalities.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters' emotional journeys and interactions are central to the scene. Their depth and complexity drive the narrative forward and create engaging dynamics.

Character Changes: 8

Characters undergo emotional transformations and revelations, leading to significant changes in their relationships and perspectives.

Internal Goal: 8

Lester's internal goal in this scene is to provide comfort and guidance to Lotte, reflecting his deeper desire to be a source of wisdom and support for those around him.

External Goal: 7

Lester's external goal is to navigate the challenges presented by Lotte's confession and the situation with Craig, showcasing his ability to handle unexpected circumstances.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict arises from personal revelations and emotional turmoil within the characters. It adds depth to the scene and drives character development.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene, such as Lotte's emotional turmoil and Lester's pragmatic advice, adds complexity and tension, creating uncertainty about the characters' choices and their consequences.

High Stakes: 6

The stakes are primarily emotional and personal, revolving around relationships and self-discovery. While not high in a traditional sense, they are significant for the characters.

Story Forward: 7

The scene focuses more on character development and emotional depth than on advancing the main plot. It sets up future conflicts and resolutions.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable due to the sudden shifts in location and emotional tone, keeping the audience on their toes about the characters' decisions and outcomes.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the choices made based on following one's heart versus practical consequences. Lotte's emotional decision-making contrasts with Lester's more pragmatic outlook.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions through character revelations and conflicts. It resonates with the audience and adds depth to the narrative.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue effectively conveys the characters' emotions and conflicts. It adds depth to the interactions and enhances the scene's impact.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the mix of humor, drama, and character dynamics that keep the audience invested in the unfolding events and relationships.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively balances dialogue-driven moments with action sequences, creating a rhythm that enhances the emotional impact and narrative progression.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting adheres to the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings and concise descriptions that enhance visual storytelling.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a non-linear structure, transitioning smoothly between different locations and character interactions, adding to the overall pacing and intrigue.


Critique
  • The scene feels fragmented due to its multiple rapid cuts between locations (Lester's office, a gun shop, and a juice bar), which disrupts the flow and may confuse the audience. This choppiness could undermine the emotional buildup from the previous scenes, where Craig's distress and Lotte's involvement in the cult were established, making it harder for viewers to stay engaged with the escalating conflicts.
  • Character development is inconsistent here; Lester's reassuring and paternal demeanor towards Lotte contrasts with his fanatical leadership in earlier scenes, potentially diluting his complexity. Lotte's distress call lacks specificity, referencing 'everything's falling apart' without tying it directly to her recent experiences (like her obsession with Maxine or her cult involvement), which could make her arc feel underdeveloped and less relatable.
  • The dialogue, while functional for plot advancement, is somewhat superficial and relies on humor (e.g., Floris's mishearing) that might feel repetitive if it's a recurring trope. Lester's line 'I don't think it's a great mystery what Craig's up to' is vague and doesn't provide new insights, missing an opportunity to deepen the audience's understanding of Craig's motivations or the cult's schemes, thus weakening the scene's thematic depth.
  • Visually, the scene underutilizes the potential for strong imagery; for instance, the cut to Craig buying a gun is a powerful visual cue of impending violence, but it's not given enough context or buildup, making it feel abrupt and disconnected from the emotional stakes. Similarly, the juice bar setting is static and could benefit from more dynamic actions to reflect the characters' inner turmoil.
  • Thematically, the scene attempts to connect the cult's obsession and Craig's destructive path but does so in a perfunctory way, not fully capitalizing on the surreal and psychological elements established earlier. This results in a missed chance to reinforce the script's central themes of identity, control, and obsession, leaving the scene feeling like a transitional placeholder rather than a meaningful beat.
  • Overall, the scene's short length and lack of resolution contribute to a sense of incompleteness, as it ends abruptly without advancing character relationships or plot in a satisfying way. This could alienate readers or viewers who expect more closure or progression after the intense confrontations in scenes 31 and 32, where Craig's heartbreak and Lotte's deceptions were highlighted.
Suggestions
  • Smooth out the transitions between cuts by adding brief establishing shots or internal monologues to provide context, such as showing Craig's determined expression before entering the gun shop or Lotte's anxious state during her call, to make the scene less disjointed and more cohesive.
  • Enhance dialogue to be more specific and emotionally charged; for example, have Lotte explicitly reference her recent portal experiences or cult involvement when saying 'everything's falling apart' to better connect to prior events and deepen her character arc, making her distress more impactful.
  • Incorporate more visual storytelling elements to build tension and atmosphere, such as close-ups on Craig's hands handling the gun or Lester's facial expressions during the conversation, to convey subtext and reduce reliance on dialogue, thereby making the scene more cinematic and engaging.
  • Expand Lester's character by adding a line that hints at his own vulnerabilities or motivations, ensuring consistency with his cult leader persona, which could add layers to his interaction with Lotte and make the scene more dynamic.
  • Focus on tightening the scene's purpose by either combining it with adjacent scenes or adding a small revelation or action that propels the plot forward, such as Lester providing Lotte with a specific plan to monitor Craig, to avoid it feeling like filler and better integrate it into the overall narrative.
  • Consider reducing the humor from miscommunications (like Floris's error) if it's overused, or balance it with more serious moments to maintain tone consistency, ensuring the scene aligns with the script's blend of surrealism and drama without undermining the gravity of the characters' situations.



Scene 34 -  Coercion and Desire
INT. CRAIG AND LOTTE'S LIVING ROOM - DAY
Craig stands still and tense, with gun in hand. We hear the
front door unlock. Lotte enters. She does not see Craig. He
grabs her from behind as she passes. Lotte screams. Craig
holds the gun to her head.
LOTTE
I'm your Goddamn wife. Once you vowed
to cherish me forever. Now you hold
a gun to my head?
CRAIG
Yeah, well welcome to the nineties.
LOTTE
Suck my dick!
CRAIG
(slapping her)
Shut up!
Lotte is stunned. She feels the muzzle against her forehead.
She shuts up. Keeping the gun trained on Lotte, Craig dials
the phone. He hands the receiver to her. He holds his ear to
the receiver also.
CRAIG
Tell her you need to see her.
LOTTE
(to Craig)
You bastard.
Craig cocks the pistol.
MAXINE (V.O.)
J.M. Inc. Be all that someone else
can be.
LOTTE
(looking at Craig)
I have to see you.
MAXINE (V.O.)
Sweetie!

MAXINE (V.O.)
Oh, but we can't. It's business hours.
I need to keep the membranous tunnel
open for paying customers.
CRAIG
(sotto)
Tell her, what the hell, close early
today, live dangerously.
LOTTE
What the hell, darling. Close early
today, live dangerously.
MAXINE (V.O.)
Oooh, doll. I love this new devil-
may-care side of you. Alrighty, I'll
track down Lover-boy, and I'll see
both of you in one hour. Exactamundo.
Maxine hangs up. Lotte hands the phone to Craig, who hangs
it up. Craig opens up the big cage where Elijah is housed,
and motions with the gun for Lotte to enter.
LOTTE
(screaming)
Help! He's locking me in a cage!
Craig slaps Lotte hard. She looks at him, almost sadly.
NEIGHBOR
Shut up!
PARROT
Shut up!
CRAIG
Lesson number one: Be careful what
you teach your parrot.
Craig tapes Lotte's mouth, ties her hands and feet. Elijah
watches him tie her. He becomes somewhat agitated, and holds
his stomach.
CUT TO:
INT. BROADHURST THEATER - DAY
Malkovich is rehearsing some business on stage. Maxine watches
from the house. She anxiously checks her watch, then points
to it so Malkovich can see.

MALKOVICH
Tommy, can I take fifteen?
CUT TO:
INT. MALKOVICH'S DRESSING ROOM - DAY
Malkovich and Maxine are having sex on the make-up table,
against the mirror.
MAXINE
Oh, Lotte... Oh, sweetie...
We now watch the scene from Malkovich's POV.
MALKOVICH
Maxine...
CRAIG (V.O.)
I can't believe it. This is too good
to be true.
CUT TO:
INT. CRAIG AND MAXINE'S OFFICE - DAY
Craig is toweling himself off, hurriedly combing his hair.
Maxine enters.
CRAIG
You're glowing again.
MAXINE
A girl has a right to glow if she
wants. It's in the fucking
constitution.
Maxine sits. Craig smiles to himself.
CUT TO:
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In this tense scene, Craig violently ambushes Lotte in their living room, holding her at gunpoint and forcing her to call Maxine to arrange a meeting. After a coercive phone call, Craig confines Lotte in a cage, while the scene shifts to Malkovich rehearsing at the theater and engaging in a sexual encounter with Maxine. The scene concludes with a flirtatious exchange between Craig and Maxine in the office, highlighting themes of manipulation and desire amidst the dark undertones of violence.
Strengths
  • Intense atmosphere
  • Effective tension-building
  • Compelling character dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Violent confrontation
  • Manipulative behavior

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene is intense and gripping, effectively conveying the heightened emotions and power struggle between the characters. The tension is palpable, and the stakes are raised significantly.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a manipulative confrontation between characters is compelling and adds depth to the storyline. It explores complex themes of control, betrayal, and emotional manipulation.

Plot: 8.5

The plot advances significantly in this scene through the intense confrontation and manipulation between Craig and Lotte. It deepens the conflict and sets the stage for further developments in the story.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh approach to depicting marital conflict and power struggles, with unexpected twists and a blend of violence and humor. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and contribute to the scene's originality.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters of Craig and Lotte are well-developed in this scene, showcasing their conflicting motivations, vulnerabilities, and power dynamics. Their interactions reveal layers of complexity and emotion.

Character Changes: 8

Both Craig and Lotte undergo significant emotional changes in this scene, revealing new facets of their personalities and deepening the complexity of their relationship.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to assert power and control over his wife, Lotte, reflecting his deeper need for dominance and possibly his fears of losing control or being emasculated.

External Goal: 7.5

The protagonist's external goal is to manipulate Lotte into making a call to someone named Maxine, possibly to set up a meeting or execute a plan related to their shared interests or conflicts.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is intense and multifaceted, involving emotional, psychological, and physical elements. The power struggle and manipulation heighten the tension and drama.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist facing resistance from Lotte and the potential consequences of his actions. The audience is left uncertain about how the conflict will unfold.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in this scene, with the characters' lives and relationships hanging in the balance. The sense of danger and manipulation heighten the stakes and create a sense of urgency.

Story Forward: 9

The scene propels the story forward by introducing a critical conflict between the characters and setting the stage for further developments. It raises the stakes and adds layers of tension to the narrative.

Unpredictability: 8.5

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected turns in the characters' actions and dialogue, keeping the audience guessing about the outcome and the characters' motivations.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the clash between power and vulnerability, control and submission. It challenges the protagonist's beliefs about relationships, authority, and the limits of his own power.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking fear, tension, and discomfort in the audience. The characters' emotional turmoil and the sense of danger create a powerful emotional resonance.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is tense and impactful, effectively conveying the power struggle and emotional turmoil between Craig and Lotte. It adds depth to their characters and drives the scene forward.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its high stakes, intense conflict, and unpredictable developments that keep the audience on edge. The dynamic between the characters and the dark humor add layers of intrigue.

Pacing: 8.5

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, with a balance of action and dialogue that keeps the audience engaged. The rhythm of the scene enhances its effectiveness in conveying the characters' emotions and intentions.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and concise, following industry standards for screenplay format. It effectively conveys the action and dialogue in a visually engaging manner.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a structured format that effectively builds tension and reveals character dynamics. It adheres to the expected format for a dramatic confrontation scene.


Critique
  • The scene effectively escalates the central conflict of Craig's obsessive descent into control and violence, building on his emotional turmoil from previous scenes where he confronts Lotte's infidelity and his unrequited love for Maxine. This progression highlights the theme of possession—both literal through the portal and metaphorical in relationships—but the abrupt shift to gun violence feels somewhat unearned, as the immediate precursor in scene 33 shows Craig buying a gun without sufficient emotional buildup or foreshadowing in earlier scenes. This could make Craig's actions come across as suddenly villainous rather than a natural evolution of his character arc, potentially alienating the audience if the shift isn't grounded in prior hints of his instability.
  • Character development is a mixed bag: Craig's portrayal as increasingly unhinged is consistent with the script's exploration of identity and obsession, and his dialogue reveals his desperation and jealousy effectively. However, Lotte's response lacks depth; she starts with defiance but quickly becomes passive after being slapped, which undermines her agency and makes her seem like a victim without much fight, especially given her proactive role in earlier scenes (e.g., scene 31 where she orchestrates her own portal experience). This could reduce audience empathy for her character and make the scene feel one-sided, focusing too heavily on Craig's perspective at the expense of balanced character dynamics.
  • The dialogue is sharp and thematic, with lines like Lotte's 'Suck my dick!' and Craig's 'Welcome to the nineties' adding dark humor and irony that fit the screenplay's surreal tone. However, some exchanges, such as the phone call with Maxine, feel contrived and expository, with Maxine's voice-over delivering lines that are overly convenient for plot advancement (e.g., agreeing to close early). This can break immersion, as it prioritizes moving the story forward over natural character interactions, and the humor from the parrot's repetition is a nice callback but risks feeling gimmicky if overused, potentially diluting the scene's emotional weight.
  • Pacing and structure are disjointed due to the rapid cuts between locations (from the living room to the theater and office), which mirror the chaotic nature of the story but can confuse viewers. The transition to the erotic theater scene and Craig's voyeuristic experience through the portal adds a layer of surrealism and intensifies the theme of invasive control, but it shifts focus abruptly from the intense domestic violence, creating a tonal whiplash that might disorient the audience. Additionally, the scene's length and multiple sub-beats could benefit from tighter editing to maintain momentum, as the gun confrontation and caging of Lotte are strong enough to stand alone without the immediate cut to sex, which feels like a separate vignette.
  • Visually and thematically, the scene reinforces the film's motifs of confinement and surveillance—evident in the cage, the gun, and Craig's controlling gaze—but the depiction of violence against Lotte raises sensitivity issues. The slap and forced compliance could be seen as trivializing abuse if not handled with care, and while the screenplay uses dark comedy to critique Craig's actions (e.g., the parrot's ironic 'Shut up!'), it might inadvertently glorify his dominance. Furthermore, the ending with Craig smiling in the office after his vicarious experience underscores his moral decay but feels abrupt, leaving little resolution or reflection, which could make the scene's impact feel hollow in the context of the larger narrative where themes of identity and redemption are explored.
  • Overall, the scene serves as a pivotal turning point in Craig's arc and the plot's escalation toward chaos, effectively tying into the portal's role in blurring personal boundaries. However, it risks overwhelming the audience with its intensity and rapid shifts, and the lack of consequences or immediate fallout (e.g., Elijah's agitation is noted but not resolved here) might make it feel like a series of events rather than a cohesive unit. As scene 34 out of 60, it maintains the script's blend of humor and horror, but it could better integrate with the preceding scenes (like Craig's packing in scene 30 or his argument in scene 32) to heighten emotional stakes and thematic coherence.
Suggestions
  • To make Craig's violent outburst less abrupt, add subtle foreshadowing in earlier scenes, such as hints of his growing paranoia or references to the gun purchase, to build tension gradually and make his actions feel like a culmination rather than a surprise.
  • Enhance Lotte's agency by giving her more active resistance or internal monologue during the confrontation, perhaps through voice-over or subtle actions that show her strategizing, to make her character more sympathetic and the scene less one-sided, drawing from her resourcefulness in scene 31.
  • Refine the dialogue to be less expository and more nuanced; for example, make Maxine's phone response feel more organic by incorporating her personality (e.g., her sarcasm or flirtation) without relying on convenient plot devices, and ensure humorous elements like the parrot enhance rather than overshadow the emotional core.
  • Improve pacing by reducing the number of cuts or using smoother transitions, such as crossfades or overlapping audio, to connect the domestic violence with the erotic portal experience, helping to maintain a cohesive flow and emphasize the thematic links between control and invasion.
  • Address the sensitivity of the violence by adding visual or narrative cues that critique Craig's behavior, such as reaction shots from Elijah or symbolic elements (e.g., the cage mirroring Craig's own entrapment), to reinforce the film's satirical edge and prevent misinterpretation of the scene's intent.
  • Strengthen the scene's integration with the larger story by ending with a stronger hook or cliffhanger, such as Craig's smile leading into a direct consequence in the next scene, and consider trimming redundant beats to focus on key emotional moments, ensuring it advances character arcs and plot without feeling overcrowded.



Scene 35 -  Control and Confusion
INT. CRAIG AND LOTTE'S LIVING ROOM - EVENING
Craig is feeding the various caged animals. He puts two plates
of food in Elijah's cage. Lotte is ungagged and unbound now.
She eats as Craig slumps down next to the cage, gun in hand.
CRAIG
It was lovely being you being
Malkovich, my dear. I'd never seen
the passionate side of sweet Maxine
before, or her actual tits for that
matter. If only, I've been thinking
to myself, if only I could actually
feel what Malkovich feels, rather

CRAIG
than just see what he sees... And
then, dare I say it, if only I could
control his arms, his legs, his
pelvis, and make them do my bidding.
LOTTE
It'll never happen, fuckface.
CRAIG
Ah, but you're forgetting one thing,
Lambchop.
LOTTE
What's that?
CRAIG
I'm a puppeteer.
Craig picks up the phone and dials. He smiles as he holds
the receiver up to Lotte's face.
CUT TO:
INT. MAXINE'S APARTMENT - NIGHT
Malkovich and Maxine are having sex on Maxine's couch.
MAXINE
Lotte, this is so good...
CRAIG (V.O.)
(tense, commanding)
Move right hand across her left breast
now. Move right hand across her left
breast now. Move right hand across
her left breast now.
Malkovich clumsily, awkwardly moves his hand across Maxine's
breast.
CRAIG
Holy shit, yes!
MALKOVICH
Holy shit, yes!
CRAIG (V.O.)
Holy shit! He said what I said!
MALKOVICH
Holy shit! He said what I said!
MAXINE
Lotte? Is that you?

CRAIG (V.O.)
Yes, yes, sweetheart, yes!
MALKOVICH
Yes, yes, sweetheart, yes!
(scared)
What the fuck is going on? I'm not
talking. This is not me!
MAXINE
Oh, Lotte...
Maxine kisses Malkovich hard on the lips. There is a sucking
sound.
CUT TO:
EXT. DITCH - NIGHT
There is a pop and Craig lands in the ditch.
CUT TO:
Genres: ["Drama","Dark Comedy"]

Summary In scene 35, set in Craig and Lotte's living room, Craig, armed and taunting, discusses his obsession with controlling John Malkovich while Lotte, now free, defiantly resists him. As Craig manipulates Malkovich during an intimate moment with Maxine through voice-over, confusion ensues, leading to panic for Malkovich and misinterpretation by Maxine. The scene culminates with Craig being abruptly ejected from Malkovich, landing in a ditch, highlighting the darkly humorous and absurd nature of his obsession.
Strengths
  • Intense tension
  • Complex character dynamics
  • Powerful dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Violent confrontation
  • Manipulative behavior

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.7

The scene is intense and gripping, delving into the dark desires and manipulative tendencies of the characters. It effectively builds tension and sets the stage for further conflicts and revelations.


Story Content

Concept: 8.6

The concept of exploring control, manipulation, and obsession through puppeteering is intriguing and well-executed in the scene. It adds depth to the characters and drives the narrative forward.

Plot: 8.7

The plot in this scene is intense and impactful, revealing the dark desires and conflicts within the characters. It sets up further developments and adds layers to the story.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh concept of controlling someone else's body through a portal, adding a unique twist to the narrative. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and contribute to the scene's originality.


Character Development

Characters: 8.8

The characters are well-developed, with their complex motivations and obsessions driving the scene forward. The dynamic between Craig and Lotte is particularly compelling.

Character Changes: 9

The scene showcases a shift in the dynamics between Craig and Lotte, revealing their darker sides and the complexities of their relationships. It sets the stage for further character development.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to gain control and power over others, as seen in his desire to control Malkovich's body. This reflects his need for dominance and validation.

External Goal: 7.5

The protagonist's external goal is to manipulate Malkovich's actions through the portal, showcasing his ability to control others and fulfill his desires.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is intense and gripping, with power dynamics and manipulation at the forefront. It keeps the audience engaged and sets up further confrontations.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist facing resistance from the characters he seeks to control. The uncertainty of the outcome adds suspense and complexity to the narrative.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in the scene, with power, control, and manipulation at play. The characters' relationships and futures are at risk, adding intensity to the narrative.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by deepening the conflicts and tensions between the characters. It sets up future developments and adds layers to the narrative.

Unpredictability: 8.5

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected turns in the characters' actions and the surreal elements introduced. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of what will happen next.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict lies in the ethical implications of controlling another person's body and actions. It challenges the protagonist's moral compass and raises questions about free will and manipulation.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.7

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from tension and confusion to hurt and amazement. It draws the audience into the characters' complex relationships and desires.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue effectively conveys the tension and power struggle between Craig and Lotte. It adds depth to their characters and enhances the dramatic impact of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its blend of suspense, dark humor, and unexpected twists. The dialogue and character interactions keep the audience hooked and eager to see how the situation unfolds.

Pacing: 8.5

The pacing of the scene builds tension effectively, with a mix of fast-paced dialogue and slower moments of reflection. The rhythm enhances the scene's emotional impact and keeps the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting adheres to the expected format for its genre, effectively conveying the scene's tone and pacing. The use of visual cues and dialogue tags enhances the reader's understanding of the action.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a non-linear structure that enhances the tension and unpredictability of the narrative. It deviates from traditional storytelling formats, adding depth to the characters and their motivations.


Critique
  • The scene effectively escalates the theme of control and possession central to the screenplay, with Craig's monologue and voice-over commands vividly illustrating his growing obsession and puppeteering skills applied to human beings. This reinforces Craig's character arc from a struggling artist to a manipulative antagonist, making the audience feel the weight of his descent, which is consistent with earlier scenes where his jealousy and desire for Maxine drive his actions. However, the dialogue feels overly expository at times, particularly in Craig's lines about wanting to 'feel what Malkovich feels' and control his body, which tells rather than shows the audience his motivations, potentially reducing emotional subtlety and making the scene feel less cinematic.
  • The rapid cuts between locations— from the living room to Maxine's apartment and then to the ditch— create a sense of disorientation that mirrors Craig's chaotic state, enhancing the surreal tone of the film. This technique is well-suited to the story's exploration of identity and reality, but it can be jarring and disjointed, risking audience confusion about whose perspective we're following, especially with the voice-over. In scenes like this, where multiple viewpoints (Craig's voice-over, Malkovich's actions, and Maxine's reactions) are layered, clearer transitions or visual cues could better guide the viewer without disrupting the flow.
  • Lotte's defiance, exemplified by her line 'It'll never happen, fuckface,' adds a spark of resistance and highlights the deteriorating marriage, but her character comes across as somewhat passive overall in this scene. While this might reflect her captivity and emotional exhaustion from previous events, it limits her agency and makes the conflict feel one-sided. In contrast, the voice-over interaction with Malkovich is a strong visual and auditory element that cleverly uses repetition to show Craig's influence, but it borders on caricature, potentially undermining the horror of the possession by making Malkovich's panic feel comedic rather than terrifying, which could dilute the scene's intended tension.
  • The use of voice-over for Craig's commands is innovative in demonstrating the portal's mechanics and his puppeteering control, tying back to the film's core metaphor. However, it risks over-reliance on this device, as it has been used in prior scenes, which might make it feel repetitive or less impactful here. Additionally, the ending with Craig being ejected into the ditch is a recurring motif that reinforces the portal's consequences, but it lacks novelty at this point, and the abrupt cut could benefit from more buildup to heighten the catharsis or surprise.
  • Overall, the scene maintains high stakes and advances the plot by showing Craig's increasing dominance, but the tonal shifts—from intimate coercion in the living room to erotic confusion in Maxine's apartment—feel abrupt and could be smoothed to better serve the film's blend of dark comedy and drama. This scene is pivotal for character development, particularly in showcasing Craig's moral decline, but it might not fully capitalize on Lotte's potential for deeper emotional response, leaving her as a reactive figure rather than an active participant in the confrontation.
Suggestions
  • Refine the dialogue to be more subtle and show character emotions through actions and subtext; for example, have Craig demonstrate his desire for control by physically mimicking Malkovich's movements before stating it outright, reducing exposition and increasing visual storytelling.
  • Improve transitions between cuts by using fades, sound bridges, or overlapping audio (e.g., carrying the sound of Malkovich's voice from one scene into the next) to make the shifts less abrupt and more fluid, helping the audience track the perspective changes without confusion.
  • Give Lotte more agency in the interaction; perhaps have her attempt a small act of resistance, like knocking over a cage or using sarcasm more strategically, to make the conflict dynamic and emphasize her character's growth or decline, drawing from her arc in earlier scenes.
  • Reduce dependence on voice-over by incorporating more visual elements to convey Craig's commands, such as showing him practicing puppeteering motions in the living room that sync with Malkovich's actions, which could make the possession feel more integrated and less reliant on narration.
  • Add a moment of pause or reflection after the possession sequence to build emotional weight, such as Craig lingering in the ditch with a moment of doubt or triumph, to enhance character depth and provide a smoother transition to the next scene, avoiding the feeling of rush in a high-stakes moment.



Scene 36 -  Control and Chaos
INT. MAXINE'S APARTMENT - NIGHT
A panicked Malkovich is pulling on his clothes.
MALKOVICH
Something was making me talk. Some
Goddamn thing was making me move. I
gotta get out of here.
MAXINE
Oh, Dollface, it was just your passion
for me taking hold.
MALKOVICH
No, Dollface, I know what my passion
taking hold feels like. I gotta go.
He leaves. Maxine falls back on the couch and sighs
contentedly.
CUT TO:
INT. CRAIG AND LOTTE'S LIVING ROOM - NIGHT
A wet, mess Craig sits next to Lotte's cage. Lotte is bound
and gagged.
CRAIG
I did it, sweetie. I moved his arm
across your girlfriend's glorious
tit.

CRAIG
I made him talk. And, oh, there was
the beginning of sensation in the
fingertips. Ummmm-mmmm! It's just a
matter of practice before Malkovich
becomes nothing more than another
puppet hanging next to my worktable.
Coffee?
CUT TO:
INT. MALKOVICH'S APARTMENT - NIGHT
Malkovich paces nervously, a glass of whisky in his hand.
Kevin Bacon sits on the couch and fiddles with a Rubic's
Cube.
MALKOVICH
It's like nothing I've ever felt
before. I think I'm going crazy.
KEVIN BACON
I'm sure you're not going crazy.
MALKOVICH
Kevin, I'm telling you... it was
like nothing I've...
KEVIN BACON
Yeah yeah yeah. Yadda yadda yadda.
Were you stoned?
MALKOVICH
Yes, but you see, someone else was
talking through my mouth.
KEVIN BACON
You were stoned. Case closed. End of
story. How hot is this babe?
MALKOVICH
I think it might've been this Lotte
woman talking through me. Maxine
likes to call me Lotte.
KEVIN BACON
Ouch. Now that's hot. She's using
you to channel some dead lesbian
lover. Let me know when you're done
with her. This is my type of chick.
MALKOVICH
I'm done with her now. Tonight really
creeped me out.

KEVIN BACON
You're crazy to let go of a chick
who calls you Lotte. I tell you that
as a friend.
MALKOVICH
I don't know anything about her.
What if she's some sort of witch or
something?
KEVIN BACON
All the better. Hey, Hot Lesbian
Witches, next Geraldo, buddy boy.
Ha ha ha.
MALKOVICH
I gotta know the truth, Kevin.
KEVIN BACON
The truth is for suckers, Johnny-
Boy.
CUT TO:
Genres: ["Drama","Dark Comedy"]

Summary In this tense scene, Malkovich panics over feeling controlled by an external force, dismissing Maxine's casual reassurances. Meanwhile, Craig boasts to a bound Lotte about his manipulation of Malkovich's body, reveling in his newfound power. The scene shifts to Malkovich confiding in Kevin Bacon, who humorously downplays his fears and encourages him to stay with Maxine. The atmosphere is a mix of anxiety, dark comedy, and unresolved conflicts, highlighting the characters' struggles with control and dominance.
Strengths
  • Effective use of puppetry as a metaphor for control
  • Intense emotional conflicts between characters
  • Darkly humorous tone adds depth to the scene
Weaknesses
  • Some elements may be too dark or intense for all audiences

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.7

The scene effectively conveys a sense of tension and unease while delving into the characters' complex emotions and motivations. The use of puppetry as a metaphor for control adds depth to the narrative.


Story Content

Concept: 8.6

The concept of using puppetry as a metaphor for control and manipulation is intriguing and adds layers of complexity to the characters' interactions.

Plot: 8.7

The plot advances significantly in this scene, revealing the characters' inner conflicts and escalating tensions, particularly in the relationships between Craig, Lotte, and Maxine.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces fresh and unconventional situations, such as characters feeling controlled by external forces and engaging in cryptic conversations. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds depth to the narrative and challenges traditional storytelling conventions.


Character Development

Characters: 8.8

The characters are well-developed, with their motivations and desires driving the narrative forward. The scene showcases the intricate dynamics between Craig, Lotte, and Maxine.

Character Changes: 9

The characters undergo significant emotional shifts in this scene, particularly in their relationships and perceptions of control and desire.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to understand the strange experiences he's been having and to find a sense of control over his own actions and identity. This reflects his deeper need for autonomy and self-awareness.

External Goal: 7.5

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to uncover the truth behind the mysterious events and the people involved, particularly Maxine and Lotte. This goal reflects the immediate challenge of navigating a complex web of relationships and potential dangers.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8.9

The conflict in the scene is intense and multi-layered, with emotional stakes running high as the characters grapple with control, manipulation, and their own desires.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with characters facing internal and external conflicts that challenge their beliefs and motivations. The uncertainty surrounding the characters' true intentions adds complexity and intrigue to the narrative.

High Stakes: 9

The high stakes in the scene revolve around control, manipulation, and the characters' emotional vulnerabilities, adding tension and suspense to the narrative.

Story Forward: 9

The scene propels the story forward by revealing key character dynamics and escalating conflicts, setting the stage for further developments in the plot.

Unpredictability: 8.5

This scene is unpredictable because of the characters' shifting allegiances, hidden agendas, and unexpected revelations. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of how the characters' choices will impact the narrative.

Philosophical Conflict: 8.5

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene revolves around the themes of identity, control, and manipulation. The protagonist grapples with questions of agency and authenticity, while also facing the possibility of being used as a puppet by others.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.7

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from tension and anxiety to dark humor and intrigue, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the characters' fates.

Dialogue: 8.4

The dialogue effectively conveys the characters' emotions and adds depth to their relationships. The exchanges between the characters reveal their inner turmoil and conflicting desires.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its blend of mystery, humor, and psychological depth. The characters' conflicting motivations and the unfolding revelations keep the audience invested in the story's progression.

Pacing: 8.5

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by balancing moments of tension with comedic relief, creating a dynamic rhythm that propels the story forward. The gradual revelations and character interactions maintain the audience's interest.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting adheres to the expected standards for its genre, with proper scene headings, dialogue formatting, and action descriptions. The clarity of the formatting enhances the scene's readability and impact.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear transitions between locations and coherent character interactions. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the scene's effectiveness and maintain the audience's engagement.


Critique
  • The scene effectively maintains the film's surreal and comedic tone through its rapid cuts and absurd dialogue, which mirror the overarching themes of identity loss and control. However, the multiple location shifts—starting in Maxine's apartment, moving to Craig and Lotte's living room, and ending in Malkovich's apartment—can feel disjointed, potentially confusing viewers who are trying to follow the emotional beats across characters. This fragmentation dilutes the intensity of individual moments, such as Malkovich's panic, which could be more impactful if given more focused screen time to build tension before cutting away.
  • Character development is somewhat inconsistent here; Malkovich's fear and confusion are portrayed authentically, tying back to his earlier experiences of being controlled, but his interaction with Kevin Bacon introduces a lighthearted, almost frivolous element that contrasts sharply with the darker undertones of Craig's obsession. Bacon's character serves as comic relief, but his dismissive attitude and stereotypical Hollywood banter might come across as superficial, reducing the scene's emotional depth and making Malkovich's genuine distress feel less credible.
  • Dialogue is a strong suit, with witty, revealing lines that advance the plot and character motivations—such as Craig's boastful monologue to Lotte about controlling Malkovich, which underscores his descent into megalomania. However, some exchanges, like Kevin Bacon's flippant responses, rely on humor that feels forced and could alienate audiences if it overshadows the psychological horror elements. Additionally, Lotte's bound and gagged state limits her agency and response, making her a passive character in this scene, which might frustrate viewers who have seen her more active role earlier in the script.
  • Visually, the scene uses effective contrasts, such as Craig's wet, disheveled appearance symbolizing his chaotic state, and Malkovich's nervous pacing with a whisky glass adding to the unease. Yet, the descriptions could be more immersive; for instance, the membranous tunnel or the act of being ejected isn't referenced here, but the lingering effects could be shown more vividly to reinforce the physical and emotional toll. The inclusion of Kevin Bacon feels like a gimmick that might distract from the core narrative, potentially weakening the scene's cohesion in a film already dense with surreal elements.
  • In terms of plot progression, the scene successfully escalates the conflict by showing Craig's increasing control and Malkovich's growing paranoia, setting up future confrontations. However, the humor injected through Bacon's lines risks undermining the stakes, making the threat feel less immediate. The scene also highlights the theme of manipulation, but it could explore this more deeply by connecting Craig's actions to broader consequences, such as how his control affects the other characters' relationships, which are only hinted at here.
  • Overall, the scene captures the film's blend of dark comedy and psychological thriller elements, but the rapid cuts and tonal shifts may challenge audience engagement. While Craig's villainous arc is compelling, the lack of resolution or deeper emotional payoff in this segment leaves it feeling like a transitional piece rather than a standalone moment, which could be strengthened by better integration with the preceding and following scenes to maintain narrative momentum.
Suggestions
  • To improve pacing and flow, consider reducing the number of cuts or using transitional elements like overlapping sound (e.g., carrying Malkovich's panicked breathing into the next scene) to make the shifts less abrupt and more cohesive, helping the audience follow the emotional thread.
  • Enhance character depth by giving Lotte more subtle reactions even while bound and gagged, such as through expressive eyes or body language, to convey her fear and resentment without dialogue, making her a more active participant in the scene and adding layers to the power dynamics.
  • Refine the humor by ensuring Kevin Bacon's lines serve a dual purpose—such as foreshadowing Malkovich's isolation or commenting on the absurdity of the situation—rather than just providing comic relief, to better integrate him into the narrative and avoid diluting the tension.
  • Add more vivid visual descriptions, like detailing the mess in Craig's appearance or the dim lighting in Malkovich's apartment, to heighten the surreal atmosphere and immerse the audience further, making the scene more cinematic and less reliant on dialogue for emotional impact.
  • Strengthen thematic consistency by including a small callback or foreshadowing element, such as Craig referencing his puppeteering past more explicitly, to tie into the film's central motifs and make the scene feel more connected to the larger story arc.



Scene 37 -  Malkovich's Misadventure on the 7 1/2 Floor
EXT. APARTMENT BUILDING - MORNING
Malkovich, in a baseball cap and sunglasses, leans against
the wall. After a moment, Maxine emerges from the building
and walks down the block. Malkovich follows at a safe
distance.
CUT TO:
INT. 7 1/2 FLOOR - MORNING
The elevator doors are pried open. It's packed. Maxine and a
few other people climb out. The last to emerge is Malkovich.
He is astounded by the dimensions of the floor. He turns
the corner and sees the long line of crouching fat people.
Maxine goes into the office and closes the door. Maxine
sees "J.M. Inc." stenciled on the office door. He turns to
the first fat man and line.
MALKOVICH
Excuse me, what type of service does
this company provide?
FAT MAN
You get to be John Malkovich for
fifteen minutes. Two hundred clams.
MALKOVICH
(quietly flipped)
I see.

FAT MAN
No cutting, by the way.
Malkovich pounds on the door.
FAT MAN
No cutting!
Several fat people jump on Malkovich, and start beating him.
Craig steps out of the office.
CRAIG
Hey! Break it up! Break it up!
Everybody gets a chance to be...
The fat people climb off Malkovich. His glasses and cap have
been knocked off and everyone recognizes him.
FAT MAN
It's him! Oh, we're so sorry Mr.
Malkovich! I hope me and my associates
from Overeaters Anonymous didn't
hurt you too terribly.
MALKOVICH
(to Craig)
Inside.
CUT TO:
Genres: ["Comedy","Drama"]

Summary In a surreal morning scene, Malkovich, disguised in a baseball cap and sunglasses, follows Maxine into the peculiar 7 1/2 floor, where he discovers a line of crouching fat people waiting to experience being him for fifteen minutes. Ignoring warnings, Malkovich attempts to cut in line, leading to a chaotic altercation with the group. The situation escalates until Craig intervenes, reminding everyone of their chance to be Malkovich. Once recognized, the fat people apologize for their aggression, and the scene concludes with Malkovich instructing Craig to enter the office.
Strengths
  • Humor
  • Tension-building
  • Character dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Potential confusion with the multiple character interactions and motivations

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene is engaging, filled with humor, tension, and absurdity. It effectively sets up conflicts and character dynamics while maintaining a comedic tone.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of people paying to be John Malkovich is unique and sets the stage for comedic and dramatic situations. The idea of control and identity exploration adds depth to the scene.

Plot: 8.5

The plot progresses well, introducing conflicts, escalating tensions, and setting up future developments. The scene moves the story forward while keeping the audience entertained.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh and original concept of experiencing someone else's life for a limited time. The dialogue and actions of the characters feel authentic and unexpected, adding to the scene's originality.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-developed, each with their quirks and motivations. The dynamics between Craig, Lotte, and Malkovich drive the scene forward and create engaging interactions.

Character Changes: 8

Characters undergo changes in their relationships and dynamics, especially with Craig's increasing control and Lotte's conflicted feelings. These changes drive the scene forward.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to understand the nature of the service being offered and possibly confront his own identity and existence. This reflects deeper themes of self-awareness, identity, and the desire for significance.

External Goal: 7.5

The protagonist's external goal is to navigate the strange situation he finds himself in without getting hurt or causing a scene. He needs to maintain his composure and figure out the purpose of the company.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8.5

The conflict is high, with tensions rising between characters, especially with Craig's control over Malkovich and Lotte. The scene is filled with confrontations and power struggles.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene adds a layer of conflict and uncertainty, creating obstacles for the protagonist to overcome. The audience is left wondering how the situation will unfold.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high, especially with Craig's increasing control over Malkovich and Lotte. The scene sets up potential dangers and consequences for the characters.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by introducing new conflicts, escalating tensions, and setting up future developments. It keeps the audience engaged and eager to see what happens next.

Unpredictability: 8.5

This scene is unpredictable due to its surreal premise and unexpected character interactions. The audience is kept on their toes, unsure of what will happen next.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the concept of identity, celebrity, and the commodification of self. It challenges the protagonist's beliefs about fame, individuality, and the boundaries of personal experience.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7.5

The scene elicits a range of emotions from tension to amusement. The conflicts and character dynamics create an emotional impact on the audience.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is witty, humorous, and reveals the characters' personalities effectively. It adds to the comedic and dramatic elements of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its blend of humor, mystery, and unexpected twists. The audience is drawn into the bizarre world and the protagonist's journey through it.

Pacing: 8.5

The pacing of the scene is well-crafted, balancing moments of tension, humor, and revelation effectively. It keeps the audience engaged and maintains the scene's momentum.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting aligns with the genre's unconventional style, enhancing the scene's impact and readability. It effectively conveys the surreal elements and comedic beats.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a non-traditional structure that suits its surreal and comedic tone. It deviates from the expected format, adding to the scene's uniqueness and impact.


Critique
  • The scene effectively escalates the central conflict by bringing Malkovich face-to-face with the exploitation of his identity through the J.M. Inc. service, reinforcing the film's themes of loss of control and commodification of the self. This confrontation is a pivotal moment that advances the plot, as Malkovich's discovery adds urgency to his character's arc, making his earlier experiences of possession feel more immediate and personal.
  • However, the depiction of the 'fat people' in the line feels overly stereotypical and could alienate audiences by relying on physical appearance for humor and conflict. This approach risks reducing them to caricatures, which diminishes the scene's depth and misses an opportunity to explore broader societal issues related to body image or the universality of human desire, as hinted in previous scenes with Overeaters Anonymous.
  • The action sequence where the fat people attack Malkovich is chaotic and comedic, but it lacks buildup or motivation, making it feel arbitrary. This abrupt violence might undercut the tension, as it resolves too quickly with Craig's intervention, potentially weakening the emotional impact and making the scene feel more slapstick than integral to the narrative's darker tones.
  • Dialogue in the scene is straightforward and serves to deliver exposition, but it could benefit from more subtext and character-specific voice. For instance, Malkovich's line 'I see' is understated, which is effective for showing his shock, but opportunities to convey his internal turmoil—perhaps through fragmented speech or physical mannerisms—are underutilized, especially given his history of feeling controlled as established in prior scenes.
  • Visually, the scene captures the surreal atmosphere of the 7.5 floor well, with elements like the crouched line and pried elevator doors emphasizing the confined, otherworldly setting. However, this could be enhanced by more descriptive actions that tie into the film's motifs, such as puppetry or identity theft, to make the environment feel more organically connected to the story rather than just a backdrop for the reveal.
  • Overall, while the scene successfully builds suspense and leads to a natural progression into the next part, it could deepen character development, particularly for Malkovich, who is a key figure. His reaction to learning about the service is muted, missing a chance to explore his psychological state more profoundly, which might leave viewers wanting a stronger emotional anchor amidst the absurdity.
Suggestions
  • Refine the portrayal of the waiting line by diversifying the characters' appearances and backgrounds, perhaps including people from different walks of life who share a common fascination with escapism, to add layers and reduce stereotyping while maintaining the humorous tone.
  • Add more internal monologue or subtle physical cues for Malkovich to heighten his emotional response, such as trembling hands or a whispered denial, drawing from his conversation with Kevin Bacon in the previous scene to create continuity and deepen audience empathy.
  • Extend the build-up to the attack by hinting at the line's restlessness or protectiveness earlier, perhaps through overheard mutterings or a close-up on their expressions, to make the conflict feel more earned and less sudden.
  • Enhance dialogue with subtext; for example, have Malkovich's inquiry about the service include a hint of sarcasm or fear, and Craig's intervention could include a smug line that references his puppeteering skills, tying back to his character arc and making interactions more dynamic.
  • Incorporate visual motifs from earlier scenes, like shadows or strings, to subtly reinforce the theme of control and manipulation, such as showing Craig's shadow puppet-like as he steps out, to strengthen thematic cohesion without overloading the scene.
  • Consider tightening the pacing by shortening the beating sequence or integrating it with more meaningful dialogue, ensuring the humor complements the drama rather than overshadowing it, to maintain a balance that aligns with the film's overall tone.



Scene 38 -  The Portal Experience
INT. CRAIG AND MAXINE'S OFFICE - CONTINUOUS
Craig and Malkovich enter. Maxine looks up, startled, but
controlling it.
MAXINE
Darling!
MALKOVICH
What the fuck is going on?
CRAIG
Mr. Malkovich, my name is Craig
Schwartz. I can explain. We operate
a little business her that...
simulates, for our clientele, the
experience of... being you, actually.
MALKOVICH
Simulates?
CRAIG
Sure, after a fashion.

MALKOVICH
Let me try.
CRAIG
You? Why I'm sure it would pale in
comparison to the actual experience.
MALKOVICH
Let me try!
MAXINE
Let him try.
CRAIG
Of course, right this way, Mr.
Malkovich. Compliments of the house.
Craig ushers Malkovich to the portal door, opens it.
MALKOVICH
(repulsed by the slime)
Jesus.
Malkovich climbs in. The door closes.
CRAIG
What happens when a man climbs through
his own portal?
MAXINE
(shrugs)
How the hell would I know? I wasn't
a philosophy major.
CUT TO:
Genres: ["Drama","Fantasy"]

Summary In this tense scene set in Craig and Maxine's office, Malkovich arrives and demands to try a portal that simulates his own experiences. Despite Craig's initial reluctance, Maxine encourages Malkovich, leading to Craig reluctantly allowing him to enter the slimy portal. Malkovich's disgust is palpable as he climbs in, prompting Craig to ponder the consequences of a person entering their own portal, while Maxine dismissively responds, highlighting the bizarre and humorous nature of the situation.
Strengths
  • Unique concept of entering someone else's mind
  • Intense conflict and manipulation between characters
  • Intriguing and mysterious tone
Weaknesses
  • Potential confusion for viewers unfamiliar with the concept
  • Complex character dynamics may require close attention to follow

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene is well-structured, with a unique and engaging concept that drives the plot forward. The execution is intense and keeps the audience curious about the characters' motivations and actions.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of entering someone else's mind and experiencing life through their perspective is innovative and drives the narrative forward. It adds depth to the characters and explores themes of identity and control.

Plot: 8

The plot is driven by the unique concept of experiencing life as John Malkovich and the manipulation between the characters. It advances the story and sets up future conflicts and developments.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh and original concept of a business that simulates the experience of being someone else, offering a unique take on identity and perception. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and engaging, adding depth to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters are complex and engaging, with conflicting motivations and desires. Their interactions drive the tension and intrigue within the scene, making them compelling to watch.

Character Changes: 8

The characters undergo significant changes in their dynamics and motivations throughout the scene. Their actions and decisions shape the plot and set up future developments.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to maintain control over the situation and the business they are running, despite the unexpected arrival of Malkovich. This reflects the protagonist's need for order and stability in their unconventional line of work.

External Goal: 7.5

The protagonist's external goal is to convince Malkovich to try out the simulation experience they offer, showcasing the business's services and potentially securing a new client.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between the characters is intense and drives the scene forward. The power struggles and manipulation create tension and keep the audience engaged.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, as Malkovich's skepticism and the ethical dilemmas posed by the simulation business create obstacles for the protagonist. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of how the conflict will unfold.

High Stakes: 9

The high stakes in the scene, including manipulation, control, and identity, add tension and urgency to the narrative. The characters' actions have significant consequences, raising the stakes for the story.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by introducing new conflicts, deepening character relationships, and setting up future events. It advances the narrative and keeps the audience engaged.

Unpredictability: 8.5

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected turn of events, such as Malkovich's sudden interest in trying out the simulation and the ambiguous consequences of entering the portal. The audience is left uncertain about the outcome.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the ethical implications of entering someone else's mind and experiencing life through their perspective. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs about identity, privacy, and the boundaries of personal experience.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from tension to curiosity to conflict. The characters' emotional turmoil and the high stakes add depth to the narrative.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue effectively conveys the characters' emotions and intentions, adding depth to their interactions. It drives the conflict and reveals the characters' true motivations.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its unique premise, witty dialogue, and the tension created by the characters' conflicting motivations. The audience is drawn into the unfolding mystery and the ethical dilemmas presented.

Pacing: 8.5

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a balance of dialogue-driven interactions and moments of tension that keep the audience engaged. The rhythm of the scene builds suspense and curiosity, leading to a compelling climax.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting adheres to the expected standards for a screenplay, with clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting that aid in visualizing the scene's progression.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a structured format that effectively introduces the setting, characters, and conflict, building tension and intrigue as it progresses. The dialogue and actions flow naturally, enhancing the scene's pacing.


Critique
  • This scene effectively advances the plot by having Malkovich confront the portal directly, creating a pivotal moment that builds suspense and curiosity about the consequences of entering one's own portal. It maintains the script's surreal and absurd tone, with Craig's explanation providing necessary exposition in a concise manner, which helps keep the pacing brisk in a story filled with rapid developments. However, the dialogue feels somewhat expository, with Craig's lines serving primarily to inform rather than reveal character depth or emotional nuance, which could make the scene feel more like a plot device than a lived moment. This might alienate readers or viewers who are looking for more organic character interactions, especially given the high stakes established in previous scenes involving coercion and control.
  • Malkovich's character arc is consistent here, showing his confusion and assertiveness from earlier scenes, but his decision to enter the portal comes across as abrupt. The transition from demanding an explanation to immediately wanting to try it lacks sufficient buildup, which could heighten the dramatic tension. For instance, more hesitation or internal conflict shown through actions or subtle expressions might make his choice feel more earned and emotionally resonant, helping the audience connect with his fear and curiosity. Additionally, Maxine's role is underwhelming; her line about not being a philosophy major adds a touch of humor but doesn't deepen her character or her relationship with Craig and Malkovich, potentially missing an opportunity to explore her pragmatic or manipulative side more fully.
  • Thematically, the scene touches on ideas of identity and simulation, core to the script, but it could be more explicit in reinforcing these elements. Craig's speculation about what happens when a man enters his own portal is intriguing, but it's undercut by Maxine's flippant response, which might diffuse the philosophical weight. This could be an area for improvement to ensure the scene contributes more robustly to the overarching themes, making the audience ponder the implications alongside the characters. Visually, the description of the portal as slimy is effective, evoking disgust and unease, but the scene could benefit from more sensory details or blocking to immerse the viewer, such as describing the office's cluttered state or Malkovich's physical reactions in greater detail to enhance the surreal atmosphere.
  • In terms of pacing, the scene is appropriately short for a transitional moment, fitting into the script's structure as scene 38 out of 60, but it risks feeling rushed in the context of the intense events leading up to it, like Craig's violent actions in scene 34 and his growing control in scene 35. This brevity might not allow enough time for emotional beats, such as Malkovich's shock or Craig's underlying anxiety, which could make the scene more impactful if expanded slightly. Overall, while the scene successfully propels the narrative forward and sets up the dramatic payoff in the next scene, it could better balance action, dialogue, and character development to avoid feeling like a mere setup.
  • The humor in the scene, particularly Maxine's sarcastic remark, aligns with the script's comedic style, providing levity amidst the tension. However, this humor might overshadow the darker undertones established earlier, such as Craig's abusive behavior and Malkovich's trauma, potentially weakening the emotional core. A reader or viewer might find the tone inconsistent if the absurdity doesn't serve to heighten the stakes, and ensuring that comedic elements complement rather than contradict the horror and drama could make the scene more cohesive and engaging.
Suggestions
  • To reduce exposition, integrate Craig's explanation through visual cues or prior actions, such as showing clients waiting outside or using props in the office to hint at the business, allowing the dialogue to focus more on character emotions and conflicts.
  • Add a moment of hesitation for Malkovich before he enters the portal, perhaps through a close-up on his face showing doubt or fear, to build tension and make his decision more dramatic and character-driven.
  • Expand Maxine's involvement by giving her a line that reveals her motivations or relationship dynamics, such as commenting on the business's profitability or her attraction to the chaos, to make her character more active and less peripheral.
  • Incorporate more sensory details in the description, like the sound of the portal door closing or the dim lighting in the office, to enhance immersion and emphasize the surreal elements, making the scene more vivid and engaging.
  • Balance the humor with the scene's darker themes by ensuring Maxine's flippant response ties into her character's cynicism, perhaps by having her reference past events to ground the comedy in the story's ongoing tensions, thus maintaining tonal consistency.



Scene 39 -  Malkovich's Surreal Descent
INT. MEMBRANOUS TUNNEL - DAY
Malkovich crawls through. It's murky. He's tense. Suddenly
there is a slurping sound.
CUT TO:
PSYCHEDELIC MONTAGE
We see Malkovich hurtling through different environments.
It's scary: giant toads, swirling eddies of garish, colored
lights, naked old people pointing and laughing, black velvet
clown paintings.
CUT TO:

INT. RESTAURANT - NIGHT
Malkovich pops into a chair in a swakn night club. He's
wearing a tuxedo. The woman across the table from him is
also Malkovich, but in a gown. He looks around the restaurant.
Everyone is Malkovich in different clothes. Malkovich is
panicked. The girl Malkovich across the table looks at him
seductively, winks and talks.
GIRL MALKOVICH
Malkovich Malkovich Malkovich
Malkovich...
Malkovich looks confused. The Malkovich waiter approaches,
pen and pad in hand, ready to take their orders.
WAITER MALKOVICH
Malkovich Malkovich Malkovich?
GIRL MALKOVICH
Malkovich Malkovich Malkovich
Malkovich.
WAITER MALKOVICH
Malkovich Malkovich.
(Turning to Malkovich)
Malkovich?
Malkovich looks down at the menu. Every item is "Malkovich."
He screams:
MALKOVICH
Malkovich!
The waiter jots it down on his pad.
WAITER MALKOVICH
Malkovich.
Malkovich pushes himself away from the table and runs for
the exit. He passes the stage where a girl singer Malkovich
is singin sensuously into the microphone. She is backed by a
'40's style big band of Malkoviches.
SINGING MALKOVICH
Malkovich Malkovich Malkovich
Malkovich...
Malkovich flies through the back door.
CUT TO:
Genres: ["Fantasy","Comedy","Surreal"]

Summary In this disorienting scene, Malkovich crawls through a murky tunnel, reacting to unsettling sounds, which leads to a psychedelic montage filled with bizarre imagery. He then finds himself in a night club restaurant where everyone, including a seductive female version of himself, is a doppelganger. Overwhelmed by the absurdity and confusion of repeated interactions centered around the word 'Malkovich,' he panics and flees the surreal environment, highlighting his struggle to cope with the nightmarish reality.
Strengths
  • Surreal and comedic elements
  • Exploration of identity and absurdity
  • Engaging visuals
Weaknesses
  • Minimal plot progression
  • Limited character depth

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene is highly engaging due to its surreal and comedic elements, creating a sense of confusion and amusement that keeps the audience intrigued.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of everyone being Malkovich in different roles is innovative and thought-provoking, exploring themes of identity and the absurdity of existence.

Plot: 7.5

While the plot is minimal in this scene, the exploration of Malkovich's bizarre journey adds depth to the narrative and enhances the overall surreal tone.

Originality: 9

The scene showcases a high level of originality through its unconventional premise, surreal imagery, and exploration of identity and reality. The characters' actions and dialogue feel fresh and unexpected, adding depth to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters, especially Malkovich, are engaging and well-portrayed, adding to the humor and confusion of the scene.

Character Changes: 7

Malkovich undergoes a journey of self-discovery and confusion, leading to some character development and growth.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to maintain his sense of identity and sanity amidst the overwhelming confusion and surreal experiences he encounters. His deeper need is to understand his place in this strange world and retain his individuality.

External Goal: 7.5

The protagonist's external goal is to escape the restaurant and the unsettling situation of being surrounded by multiple versions of himself. This reflects the immediate challenge of confronting his own identity and the bizarre circumstances he finds himself in.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

The conflict is minimal but present in Malkovich's internal struggle and the bizarre situations he encounters.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist facing internal and external challenges that test his sense of identity and reality. The uncertainty of the situation adds to the audience's intrigue and investment in Malkovich's journey.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are moderate, with Malkovich facing internal and external challenges in a surreal and comedic setting.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by delving into Malkovich's bizarre experience and setting up further developments in the narrative.

Unpredictability: 9

This scene is unpredictable because of its surreal and fantastical elements, as well as the unexpected twists in the protagonist's experiences. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of what will happen next.

Philosophical Conflict: 8.5

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene revolves around the themes of identity, self-perception, and the nature of reality. The protagonist's struggle to maintain his individuality in a world where everyone is a version of himself challenges his beliefs about identity and existence.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7.5

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from confusion to amusement, creating a memorable and engaging experience for the audience.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is minimal but effective in conveying the surreal and comedic elements of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its blend of humor, suspense, and existential themes. The audience is drawn into Malkovich's surreal journey and the mystery surrounding his predicament.

Pacing: 8.5

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged in Malkovich's surreal journey. The shifts between different environments and the protagonist's escalating sense of disorientation contribute to the scene's effectiveness.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene effectively conveys the surreal and disjointed nature of the protagonist's experiences, enhancing the overall atmosphere and tone of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows an unconventional structure that aligns with its surreal and absurdist tone. The shifts between different environments and the protagonist's escalating sense of disorientation contribute to the scene's effectiveness.


Critique
  • This scene is a masterful example of surrealist humor and thematic depth, effectively capturing the absurdity of self-obsession and identity crisis central to the screenplay. The psychedelic montage and the restaurant sequence where everything revolves around 'Malkovich' cleverly reinforces the film's exploration of ego and the consequences of inhabiting another's mind. It builds tension from Malkovich's panic in the tunnel to his disorientation in the restaurant, creating a visceral, comedic horror that aligns with the overall tone of dark absurdity. However, the repetitive use of 'Malkovich' in dialogue, while intentional and funny, risks becoming monotonous if not paced carefully, potentially alienating viewers who might find it overly simplistic or lacking variation. This could dilute the scene's impact, as the humor relies heavily on repetition without much evolution, which might benefit from subtler layering to maintain engagement. Additionally, the transition from the membranous tunnel to the psychedelic elements and then to the restaurant feels abrupt, which could confuse audiences not fully immersed in the film's fantastical elements, making it harder for readers or viewers to connect emotionally with Malkovich's terror. The visual descriptions are vivid and evocative, but they might overwhelm in a screenplay context, as the montage's rapid succession of images (giant toads, naked old people, etc.) could come across as chaotic without clearer cues for rhythm or emotional beats, potentially weakening the scene's ability to convey Malkovich's internal state. Overall, while this scene is a highlight for its thematic boldness and comedic timing, it could be refined to better balance humor with clarity and emotional resonance, ensuring it serves as a pivotal moment that advances character development and plot without sacrificing accessibility.
  • From a character perspective, Malkovich's portrayal here effectively escalates his arc of losing control, mirroring the broader narrative's focus on manipulation and identity theft. His panicked reactions, such as screaming and fleeing, are relatable and heighten the scene's tension, making his vulnerability palpable. However, the scene misses an opportunity to delve deeper into his psyche; for instance, incorporating more internal monologue or subtle physical cues could humanize him further, allowing audiences to empathize with his confusion beyond the surface-level comedy. The interactions with other 'Malkovich' characters, like the seductive woman or the waiter, are amusing but lack depth, feeling more like gimmicks than meaningful encounters, which might underscore the theme but doesn't fully capitalize on building sympathy or complexity for Malkovich. In terms of story integration, this scene successfully amplifies the consequences of the portal's misuse, as hinted in previous scenes, but it could better foreshadow future events or tie back to Craig's control issues, making the surreal elements feel more earned and less like an isolated gag. The tone maintains the film's blend of dark humor and unease, but the rapid cuts and intense visuals might disrupt the pacing if not handled carefully in editing, potentially making the scene feel disjointed rather than cohesively absurd.
  • Visually and structurally, the scene's use of montage and repetitive dialogue is innovative, drawing from influences like David Lynch or Charlie Kaufman, and it effectively uses repetition to create a hypnotic, nightmarish quality that underscores the film's meta-commentary on fame and self. The restaurant setting, with its doppelganger motif, is a strong visual metaphor for narcissism and the isolation of celebrity, but it could be more grounded in the story's logic by connecting it to earlier portal experiences, ensuring it doesn't feel like a non-sequitur. Critically, the dialogue's uniformity (all 'Malkovich') is a bold choice that emphasizes the theme but might limit character expression, making it harder for actors to infuse nuance or for the audience to distinguish between characters, which could flatten the comedic potential. Furthermore, the scene's length and intensity might overwhelm the narrative flow, especially as scene 39 in a 60-scene script, where maintaining momentum is key; it risks overshadowing subtler emotional beats from prior scenes, such as Craig's manipulation or Malkovich's growing fear, by prioritizing spectacle over character-driven storytelling. Overall, while this scene is a creative high point, refining its elements could enhance its role in the larger narrative, making it not just a funny interlude but a crucial pivot that deepens the audience's understanding of the characters' psyches and the story's philosophical underpinnings.
Suggestions
  • Vary the 'Malkovich' dialogue slightly to add layers of humor and tension; for example, incorporate different intonations, gestures, or contexts (e.g., a Malkovich character whispering seductively or shouting in anger) to prevent repetition from becoming tedious and to better convey Malkovich's escalating panic.
  • Add transitional beats in the psychedelic montage to guide the audience's emotional response, such as brief pauses or close-ups on Malkovich's face to show his reactions, making the sequence less chaotic and more coherent while strengthening its thematic impact.
  • Incorporate subtle hints of Malkovich's internal thoughts or flashbacks during his panic to connect this scene to his earlier experiences of control loss, enhancing character depth and ensuring the surrealism feels integrated into his arc rather than isolated.
  • Refine the pacing by extending or shortening specific elements; for instance, linger on the restaurant interactions to build comedic timing, or use sound design (like echoing 'Malkovich' voices) to heighten the absurdity without rushing the cuts, improving overall flow and audience engagement.
  • Strengthen the scene's connection to the broader narrative by ending with a visual or auditory callback to Craig's influence (e.g., a faint voice-over or shadow), foreshadowing his role and maintaining narrative momentum from the previous scenes where his control is established.



Scene 40 -  The Portal Dispute
EXT. DITCH - DAY
Malkovich lands with a thud in the ditch. Craig is waiting
there with his van. On its side is painted "See The World in
Malk-O-Vision" followed by a phone number. Malkovich is
huddled and shivering and soaking wet.
CRAIG
So how was it?
MALKOVICH
That... was... no... simulation.
CRAIG
I know. I'm sorry...
MALKOVICH
I have been to the dark side. I have
seen a world that no man should ever
see.
CRAIG
Really? For most people it's a rather
pleasant experience. What exactly
did you...
MALKOVICH
This portal is mine and must be sealed
up forever. For the love of God.
CRAIG
With all respect, sir, I discovered
that portal. Its my livelihood.
MALKOVICH
It's my head, Schwartz, and I'll see
you in court!
Malkovich trudges off along the shoulder of the turnpike.
CRAIG
(calling after him)
And who's to say I won't be seeing
what you're seeing... in court?
Cars whiz by Malkovich. Someone yells from a passing car.
MOTORIST
Hey, Malkovich! Think fast!
Malkovich looks up. A beer can comes flying out of the car
and hits him on the head.
CUT TO:
Genres: ["Drama","Dark Comedy"]

Summary In a tense confrontation, John Malkovich is ejected from a portal and lands in a ditch, visibly traumatized and soaked. Craig Schwartz, who relies on the portal for his livelihood, engages Malkovich in a heated argument over ownership, with Malkovich demanding the portal be sealed and threatening legal action. As Malkovich walks away along the turnpike, a passing motorist throws a beer can at him, adding to the absurdity of the situation.
Strengths
  • Intense atmosphere
  • Revealing character dynamics
  • Building suspense
Weaknesses
  • Potential for confusion due to surreal elements

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively builds tension and reveals a dark turn in the story, setting up significant conflict and character dynamics.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of entering Malkovich's mind adds depth to the narrative and introduces a new layer of complexity to the characters' relationships.

Plot: 8.5

The plot advances significantly with Malkovich's discovery and the looming legal threat, driving the story towards a critical turning point.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh concept of experiencing the world through Malk-O-Vision, adding a surreal and thought-provoking element to the narrative. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and contribute to the scene's originality.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters' reactions and interactions in this scene reveal their vulnerabilities, desires, and conflicts, deepening their development.

Character Changes: 8

Malkovich undergoes a significant change in perception and understanding, while Craig's manipulative nature is further revealed, deepening their character arcs.

Internal Goal: 8

Malkovich's internal goal in this scene is to protect his own mind and memories by ensuring the portal is sealed forever. This reflects his fear of losing control over his own consciousness and the trauma he experienced from the unsettling world he witnessed.

External Goal: 7.5

Malkovich's external goal is to legally prevent Craig from exploiting the portal for his own gain. This goal arises from the immediate challenge of protecting his own identity and experiences.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between Craig and Malkovich, as well as the internal conflicts faced by the characters, intensifies the dramatic tension and drives the narrative forward.

Opposition: 8

The opposition between Malkovich and Craig is strong, with conflicting goals and motivations that create uncertainty and tension. The audience is left unsure of how the conflict will be resolved.

High Stakes: 9

The high stakes are evident in Malkovich's demand to seal the portal and the looming legal threat, adding urgency and consequences to the characters' actions.

Story Forward: 9

The scene propels the story forward by introducing a critical revelation and escalating the conflict, setting the stage for further developments.

Unpredictability: 8.5

This scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected twists in dialogue and the uncertain outcome of the conflict between Malkovich and Craig. The introduction of Malk-O-Vision adds a layer of unpredictability to the narrative.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict lies in the clash between personal ownership and commercial interests. Malkovich sees the portal as a deeply personal and potentially dangerous entity, while Craig views it as a source of livelihood and profit.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene evokes fear, shock, and tension, eliciting strong emotional responses from both the characters and the audience.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue effectively conveys the tension and emotional turmoil between Craig and Malkovich, adding layers to their relationship dynamics.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its blend of humor, drama, and mystery. The conflict between the characters and the surreal elements of Malk-O-Vision keep the audience intrigued.

Pacing: 8.5

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension through the characters' dialogue and actions, creating a sense of urgency and conflict that drives the narrative forward.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting adheres to the expected standards for a screenplay, with clear scene descriptions and character dialogue that enhance readability and visual storytelling.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with well-defined character interactions and progression of events. It effectively builds tension and sets up future conflicts.


Critique
  • This scene effectively escalates the central conflict between Craig and Malkovich, serving as a direct confrontation that highlights the themes of identity theft and loss of control. Malkovich's traumatized state, stemming from the surreal horror of scene 39, is portrayed convincingly through his shivering, wet appearance and desperate dialogue, which helps build sympathy for him and underscores the psychological toll of the portal experience. However, Craig's character comes across as somewhat one-dimensional here; his defensive and taunting responses lack the internal conflict that could make him a more compelling antagonist, especially given his background as a puppeteer who should be grappling with the moral implications of his actions. The dialogue is punchy and fits the comedic tone of the screenplay, but it feels a bit too expository, with lines like 'That... was... no... simulation' and 'I have been to the dark side' bordering on clichéd, which might reduce the scene's emotional impact and make it less nuanced for the audience.
  • Visually, the setting in the ditch with Craig's van advertising 'Malk-O-Vision' is a strong element that grounds the surreal elements of the story in a gritty, real-world context, reinforcing the absurdity and commercialization of the portal. This contrast between the mundane (a ditch by the turnpike) and the extraordinary (Malkovich's experience) works well to heighten the humor and horror, but the scene could benefit from more descriptive action to immerse the viewer further— for instance, showing Malkovich's physical disorientation or Craig's smug demeanor in greater detail to enhance the visual storytelling. Additionally, the ending with the beer can thrown by a motorist adds a slapstick comedic beat that ties into the film's dark humor, but it risks feeling tacked on or diminishing the gravity of Malkovich's trauma, potentially making the scene's resolution feel abrupt and less earned.
  • In terms of pacing and structure, this scene serves as a natural progression from the previous scene's disorienting montage, providing a moment of catharsis and advancing the plot toward legal conflict. It fits well within the overall screenplay's exploration of possession and identity, as Malkovich's demand to seal the portal and Craig's taunt about seeing through his eyes in court deepen the stakes. However, the scene could explore the thematic depth more thoroughly by incorporating subtle references to Craig's puppeteering obsession or Malkovich's acting background, which might make the dialogue feel more integrated and less like a simple argument. Overall, while the scene is functional and entertaining, it could use more emotional layering to fully capitalize on the characters' arcs and the screenplay's surreal tone, helping readers and viewers better understand the psychological underpinnings of the story.
Suggestions
  • Enhance Craig's dialogue and actions to show internal conflict or hesitation, such as adding a moment where he pauses or shows a flicker of guilt, to make him a more complex character and add depth to the confrontation.
  • Add more sensory details in the action lines, like describing Malkovich's ragged breathing or the sound of passing cars, to heighten the tension and make the scene more immersive and visually engaging.
  • Refine the dialogue to include subtext or metaphorical language that ties back to the puppeteering theme, for example, having Craig refer to Malkovich as a 'puppet in his own show' to reinforce the central motif without being too on-the-nose.
  • Extend the scene slightly by adding a beat where Malkovich elaborates on his 'dark side' experience, connecting it more explicitly to the events of scene 39, to smooth the transition and build emotional resonance.
  • Consider adjusting the comedic ending with the beer can to ensure it complements rather than undercuts the scene's tension, perhaps by making it a quicker, more integrated gag or tying it to a recurring element in the screenplay for better cohesion.



Scene 41 -  Tensions Unleashed
INT. CRAIG AND LOTTE'S APARTMENT - NIGHT
Craig is feeding the animals. His gun is stuck in his pants.
He gets to Lotte's cage. She is bound but ungagged. She looks
haggard.
LOTTE
Once this was a relationship based
on love. Now you have me in a cage
with a monkey and a gun to my head.
CRAIG
Things change. Anyway, you gave up
your claim to that love the first
time you stuck your dick in Maxine.
LOTTE
You fell in love with her first.
CRAIG
Yeah but I didn't do anything about
it. Out of respect for our marriage.
LOTTE
You didn't do anything about it out
of respect for the fact that she
wouldn't let you near her with a ten
foot pole, which is, by the way,
about nine feet, nine inches off the
mark anyway.
CRAIG
(beat)
That's true. Oh, God, Lotte, what
have I become? My wife in a cage
with a monkey. A gun in my hand.
Betrayal in my heart.
LOTTE
Maybe this is what you've always
been, Craig, you just never faced it
before.
CRAIG
Perhaps you're right. I can't let
you go though. Too much has happened.
You're my ace in the hole.
LOTTE
I need a shower.
CRAIG
I'm sorry. Oh God, I'm sorry. I'm
some kind of monster. I'm the guy

CRAIG
you read about in the paper and go,
"he's some kind of monster."
LOTTE
You're not a monster, Craig. Just a
confused man.
CRAIG
I love you so much.
She dials her phone, opens her cage, puts phone to her ear.
CRAIG
But I gotta go now. I've got to go
be Johnny.
MAXINE (O.S.)
J.M. Inc. Be all that someone...
LOTTE
We have to meet.
MAXINE
One hour.
Craig hangs up, tapes Lotte's mouth.
CRAIG
I'll tell you all about it when I
get home.
Craig exits. Lotte fiddles with the ropes on her hands Elijah,
slumped in the corner of the cage, blankly watches her moving
hands. Suddenly his eyes narrow. Something is going on in
his brain. We move slowly into his eyes.
DISSOLVE TO:
EXT. JUNGLE - DAY
It is a memory: blurry and overexposed, the color washed
out. We see a weathered wooden sign which reads "Africa."
The sound of running feet, huffing frantic breathing. We
watch from up in a tree (Elijah's POV) as two men in safari
suits chase a couple of chimps across the jungle floor. The
chimps are screaming as the safari men tackle them and tie
them up. The safari men laugh.
SAFARI MAN
Well, there monkeys ain't going
nowhere. Let's get us a couple a
brews 'fore the boss comes back...

The safari men leave the chimps on the ground. We descend
from the trees to the ground next to the bound chimps. One
of the chimps looks at the camera. He grunts and squeals.
CHIMP ONE (DUBBED VOICE)
Son, untie your mother and me!
Quickly! Before the great bald chimp-
men return.
A small pair of chimp hands enter into the frame and struggle
to untie the ropes, but to no avail. Chimp two speaks.
CHIMP TWO (DUBBED VOICE)
Hurry, Elijah!
SAFARI MAN
Why you little bastard!
Elijah is wrestled to the ground amidst much screaming.
DISSOLVE TO:
INT. CRAIG AND LOTTE'S APARTMENT - DAY
Elijah shakes off the memory and looks determinedly at the
ropes on Lotte's hands. He attempts to untie the knot. He
works furiously and succeeds. Lotte pulls the tape from her
mouth.
LOTTE
Oh, Elijah, you are magnificent!
Elijah beams and screams for ecstatic joy. Lotte unlocks the
cage, and dials the phone.
LOTTE
Maxine! Listen: It hasn't been me
in John the last three times. Craig's
had me locked up in the apartment.
He made me call you at gunpoint.
It's been him! Oh, God, it's been
him!
MAXINE (O.S.)
(beat, calmly)
Really? Well, you know, he's quite
good. I'm surprised. Anyway, I have
a session with Malkovich I have to
attend. I'll speak with you soon.
LOTTE
But Maxine, I thought it was me you
loved.

MAXINE (O.S.)
I thought so too, doll. I guess we
were mistaken.
Maxine hangs up. Lotte, visibly shaken, dials the phone.
LOTTE
Hello, Dr. Lester?
CUT TO:
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In a tense night scene at Craig and Lotte's apartment, Craig confronts Lotte, who is bound in a cage, leading to a heated argument about their failed marriage and Craig's self-loathing. After impersonating Johnny to set up a meeting with Maxine, Craig leaves Lotte gagged. Meanwhile, Elijah the monkey recalls his traumatic past and helps free Lotte. She attempts to alert Maxine about Craig's actions, but is dismissed, prompting her to seek help from Dr. Lester as the scene concludes.
Strengths
  • Intense dialogue
  • Emotional depth
  • Character dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Potentially triggering content
  • Violent themes

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys a high level of tension and emotional depth through the dialogue and character interactions, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the unfolding drama.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring betrayal, control, and emotional manipulation within a deteriorating relationship is well-executed, providing a compelling narrative arc for the characters.

Plot: 8.5

The plot progression in the scene is driven by the intense conflict between Craig and Lotte, revealing deep-seated emotions and tensions that have been building throughout the story.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh take on themes of love, betrayal, and self-realization through its intense character dynamics and emotionally charged dialogue. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds depth and originality to the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters of Craig and Lotte are well-developed, with their conflicting emotions and motivations driving the scene forward and adding layers of complexity to their relationship.

Character Changes: 8

Both Craig and Lotte undergo significant emotional changes in the scene, revealing new depths to their characters and setting the stage for further development.

Internal Goal: 8

Craig's internal goal is to grapple with his own identity and morality. He is facing the realization of his actions and the consequences of his choices, leading to a deep introspection about his character.

External Goal: 7

Craig's external goal is to maintain control over Lotte and the situation, despite his inner turmoil. He aims to keep Lotte captive and maintain a facade of power and authority.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between Craig and Lotte is intense and emotionally charged, driving the scene forward and highlighting the deep-seated tensions within their relationship.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting emotions and power struggles between the characters. The audience is kept engaged by the uncertainty of the characters' choices and actions.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in the scene as Craig and Lotte confront the betrayal and control within their relationship, leading to intense emotional confrontations and revelations.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by deepening the conflict between the characters and setting the stage for further developments in their relationship dynamics.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable due to the shifting power dynamics and emotional revelations between the characters. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of how the situation will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict revolves around themes of love, betrayal, and self-awareness. Craig and Lotte confront their past actions and the complexities of their relationship, questioning their own moral compass and values.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, eliciting strong feelings of tension, betrayal, and regret from the audience as the characters navigate their complex emotions.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue in the scene is intense and impactful, effectively conveying the emotional turmoil and conflict between Craig and Lotte, adding depth to their characters and the overall narrative.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its intense emotional conflict, sharp dialogue, and character dynamics. The audience is drawn into the characters' struggles and moral dilemmas, creating a compelling narrative.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and emotional intensity, allowing for moments of reflection and character development. The rhythm of the dialogue enhances the scene's impact.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene adheres to the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character actions. The formatting enhances the readability and impact of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a structured format that effectively builds tension and emotional depth. The dialogue and actions flow cohesively, contributing to the scene's overall impact.


Critique
  • The scene effectively deepens Craig's character by showcasing his internal conflict and moral descent, making him more than a one-dimensional antagonist. His self-reflective dialogue, such as admitting he's 'some kind of monster,' humanizes him and ties into the film's themes of identity and control, allowing viewers to understand his psychological state. However, this introspection risks feeling overly expository, as Craig's monologue could come across as telling rather than showing, which might dilute the emotional impact in a screenplay that relies heavily on visual and surreal elements.
  • The flashback sequence from Elijah's perspective is a creative way to add backstory and emotional depth to a supporting character, transforming him from a mere pet into a figure with agency and trauma. This enhances the scene's absurdity and humor while providing motivation for his actions, but it may disrupt the pacing. The dissolve transition feels abrupt and could confuse audiences if not executed smoothly, potentially pulling focus from the primary conflict between Craig and Lotte.
  • Dialogue in the scene is sharp and reveals key aspects of the characters' relationships, such as Lotte's accusation and Craig's defensiveness, which heightens tension and advances the plot. However, some exchanges, like Craig's repetitive apologies and Lotte's direct jabs, border on melodrama, which might not align with the film's overall tone of surreal comedy. This could make the scene feel less nuanced, especially in a story that blends humor with darker themes, and might benefit from more subtext to allow for subtler character revelations.
  • Visually, the caging of Lotte serves as a strong metaphor for entrapment and loss of autonomy, reinforcing the puppetry motif central to the narrative. Yet, the gun in Craig's pants feels somewhat clichéd and overly aggressive, potentially clashing with the film's whimsical style and risking desensitization to violence. This element could be refined to better integrate with the surreal elements, ensuring it doesn't overshadow the emotional core of the scene.
  • The scene builds suspense effectively as it leads to Lotte's liberation and her desperate phone calls, setting up future conflicts. However, Maxine's calm and dismissive response undermines the emotional stakes, making her character seem one-dimensional in this moment. This lack of reciprocity in the interaction reduces the impact of Lotte's revelation and could leave viewers feeling that the scene's resolution is anticlimactic, especially given the high tension established earlier.
Suggestions
  • Refine Craig's introspective dialogue to incorporate more action or visual cues, such as him handling a puppet while monologuing, to show his internal conflict rather than relying on direct speech, making it more engaging and true to the film's style.
  • Integrate the Elijah flashback more seamlessly by shortening it or linking it directly to Lotte's situation, perhaps through a parallel edit or a smoother transition, to maintain pacing and ensure it feels organic rather than interruptive.
  • Enhance dialogue subtlety by using implication and subtext; for example, have Craig's guilt shown through hesitant actions or facial expressions instead of explicit admissions, allowing the audience to infer his emotions and adding depth to the characters.
  • Replace or recontextualize the gun with a thematic element, like a puppet string or control device, to better align with the film's motifs and avoid clichéd violence, thereby reinforcing the central theme of manipulation without escalating the tone unnecessarily.
  • Develop Maxine's response in the phone call to show more internal conflict or surprise, perhaps by adding a pause or a hint of regret in her voice, to heighten the emotional stakes and make the interaction more dynamic, ensuring it contributes to character development and plot progression.



Scene 42 -  Possession and Power Play
INT. MALKOVICH'S APARTMENT - NIGHT
The doorbell rings. Malkovich answers it. Maxine stands there,
dressed in an evening gown.
MALKOVICH
Come on in.
MAXINE
I can explain about the portal,
darling.
MALKOVICH
Don't con me, Maxine. We're over. I
just let you up here to tell you
that, and to tell you that I'm taking
you and Schwartz to court.
MAXINE
Oh shut up.
(beat)
Craig, darling are you in there?
Malkovich tenses up, then shakes his head in an awkward,
puppet-like manner. When Malkovich speaks, it seems to be
against him will.
MALKOVICH
Yes. How did you know it was me?
MAXINE
Lotte called me.
MALKOVICH
Oh, so the bitch escaped.
MAXINE
Apparently you can control this
Malkovich fellow now.
MALKOVICH
I'm getting better all the time.

MAXINE
I'll say you are. Let's do it on his
kitchen table, then make him eat an
omelette off of it.
MALKOVICH
(as Malkovich)
No... damn... you...
(as Craig)
Oh shut up, you overrated sack of
shit.
Malkovich begins undressing, and does a lewd bump and grind
while looking mortified. Maxine giggles. Malkovich (Craig)
laughs wildly.
CUT TO:
Genres: ["Drama","Dark Comedy"]

Summary In Malkovich's apartment at night, he confronts Maxine, declaring their relationship over and threatening legal action regarding the portal. However, Maxine suspects Craig is controlling Malkovich, leading to a bizarre power struggle. As Craig boasts about his control, Malkovich internally protests while being forced to undress and perform a humiliating dance, blending dark comedy with discomfort as the scene escalates into absurdity.
Strengths
  • Sharp dialogue
  • Tension building
  • Dark humor
Weaknesses
  • Lack of significant character development in this specific scene

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively blends tension, humor, and discomfort to create a compelling and memorable moment in the story.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of control and manipulation, as well as the breakdown of relationships, is effectively portrayed through the dialogue and actions of the characters.

Plot: 8

The plot advances through the confrontation between the characters, revealing deeper layers of their relationships and motivations.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh and original concept of a portal that allows control over another person, leading to unique interactions and conflicts. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and unconventional.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters' dynamics and conflicts are well-developed, adding depth to the scene and driving the narrative forward.

Character Changes: 7

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, it deepens the existing dynamics and conflicts between the characters.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to assert his independence and power over Maxine, showcasing his emotional turmoil and desire to break free from her influence.

External Goal: 7.5

The protagonist's external goal is to confront Maxine about their relationship and take legal action against her and Schwartz, reflecting his immediate need to establish boundaries and seek justice.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict between the characters is palpable, adding tension and driving the scene forward.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting desires and power struggles between the characters, creating a sense of uncertainty and complexity.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are raised as the characters confront issues of control, manipulation, and betrayal, adding intensity to the scene.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by revealing new layers of the characters' relationships and motivations.

Unpredictability: 8.5

This scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected twists in dialogue and character interactions, keeping the audience on edge and unsure of the outcome.

Philosophical Conflict: 8.5

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around control, manipulation, and the blurred lines between identity and agency. It challenges the protagonist's beliefs about power dynamics and personal autonomy.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from tension to humor, keeping the audience engaged.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is sharp, witty, and revealing, effectively conveying the characters' emotions and intentions.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its blend of humor, drama, and surreal elements that keep the audience intrigued and invested in the characters' conflicts and dynamics.

Pacing: 8.5

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, allowing for moments of humor and introspection to resonate with the audience.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting adheres to the expected format for its genre, enhancing readability and clarity of the scene's progression.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a non-traditional structure that suits its genre, effectively building tension and revealing character dynamics through dialogue and actions.


Critique
  • This scene effectively captures the surreal and disturbing essence of the screenplay's central theme of identity theft and possession, using John Malkovich's body as a battleground for Craig's dominance. The dialogue and actions highlight the absurdity and dark humor inherent in the story, making Malkovich's involuntary responses both comedic and tragic, which helps reinforce the film's exploration of loss of self. However, the scene risks feeling overly reliant on shock value through the lewd bump and grind dance, which might come across as gratuitous and could alienate audiences if not balanced with deeper emotional stakes. From a reader's perspective, the possession mechanic is well-illustrated, but the rapid shift from Malkovich's resistance to full submission might confuse viewers unfamiliar with the buildup, as it assumes prior knowledge of Craig's growing control without sufficient recap or visual cues.
  • Character development in this scene is a mixed bag: Malkovich's internal struggle is portrayed vividly through his tense, puppet-like movements and dialogue, evoking sympathy and horror, which strengthens his arc as a victim of circumstance. Maxine's role, however, feels somewhat underdeveloped; her immediate shift to playful seduction and giggling undermines her earlier complexity, potentially reducing her to a caricature of desire rather than a fully fleshed-out character. This could make it harder for readers to connect with her motivations, especially given her history with both Craig and Lotte. Additionally, the scene's pacing is brisk, which suits the comedic timing but might sacrifice opportunities for building tension or exploring the psychological implications of possession more thoroughly, such as Malkovich's mental state post-portal experience in Scene 39.
  • Thematically, the scene excels in amplifying the screenplay's motifs of control and manipulation, with Craig's takeover symbolizing broader commentary on power dynamics and the erasure of individuality. However, the dialogue occasionally veers into melodrama, such as Malkovich's 'No... damn... you...' line, which feels stilted and could be more nuanced to better convey the horror of being overridden. For readers, this scene provides a clear escalation in conflict, tying back to Malkovich's traumatic portal experience and Craig's hubris, but it might benefit from more subtle foreshadowing of future events, like the legal threats or relational fallout, to maintain narrative cohesion. Overall, while the scene is engaging and true to the film's tone, it could use refinement to avoid over-the-top elements that might detract from its emotional weight.
  • Visually and structurally, the scene uses Malkovich's physicality to great effect, with descriptions like 'tenses up, then shakes his head in an awkward, puppet-like manner' providing strong imagery that aligns with Craig's puppeteering background. This helps readers visualize the possession, but the abrupt cut to the lewd act might feel unearned or hastily resolved, potentially weakening the scene's impact. In the context of the entire script, this scene serves as a pivotal moment in Craig's descent into villainy, but it could better integrate with the preceding scenes (e.g., Malkovich's ejection in Scene 40) by referencing his ongoing trauma, making the transition smoother and more empathetic. Critically, the humor is sharp, but ensuring it doesn't overshadow the horror could make the scene more balanced and resonant for both writers and readers seeking depth in character-driven storytelling.
Suggestions
  • Refine the dialogue to add more subtlety and variation in Malkovich's resistance, perhaps by incorporating internal monologue or fragmented speech to better convey his loss of control without making it feel overly scripted.
  • Enhance Maxine's character depth by adding a moment of hesitation or internal conflict in her reaction to Craig's possession, such as a brief pause or a subtle expression change, to make her motivations clearer and less one-dimensional.
  • Extend the scene slightly to build tension before the lewd act, perhaps by including a short exchange that references Malkovich's recent portal experience, ensuring better continuity and emotional payoff.
  • Incorporate more visual descriptions to emphasize the possession, like detailed facial expressions or body language, to strengthen the cinematic quality and help readers visualize the scene more vividly.
  • Consider toning down the explicit elements of the bump and grind to focus more on psychological horror, aligning it better with the film's themes and avoiding potential overkill that could distract from the narrative's core message.



Scene 43 -  Indoctrination and Confession
INT. LESTER'S OFFICE - NIGHT
Lester's hand is in a bloody bandage. The juicer sits on hi
desk. Lotte sits across from him looking nervous and hollow-
eyed.
LESTER
You know I think it pays to leave
juice-making to the trained
professionals. You look terrible, my
dear.
LOTTE
Craig stole Maxine from me, Dr.
Lester.
LESTER
Hmmm, a lesbian, are you? I must
inform you that I find that highly
arousing.
LOTTE
No, you don't understand. I've been
inside Malkovich when I'm with
Maxine...
LESTER
(slaps Lotte furiously)
What?! That is not allowed. My God,
you are supposed to be one of us.
You know you must never partake of
Malkovich by yourself!
LOTTE
No, I didn't know that.

LESTER
Oh, didn't anyone show you the
indoctrination video?
LOTTE
No.
LESTER
Oh, sorry. Right this way.
CUT TO:
INT. SCREENING ROOM - NIGHT
Lotte site next to Lester in the darkened auditorium. The
projector whirs. The screen lights up.
TITLE: SO YOU WANT TO BE JOHN MALKOVICH
A much younger Lester addresses the camera in this black and
white film, which seems to have been made in the 50's.
LESTER ON FILM
Welcome, my fellow Malkovichians.
As you may already know, today a
baby was born into this sad world.
We see a shot of a newborn.
LESTER ON FILM
His name is John Horatio Hannibal
Malkovich. And we are the keepers of
the door to his soul. One day, when
his brain is big enough, we will all
journey into his head and live there
for all eternity. Following the
teachings of our leader Karl Marx,
we will build the ultimate communist
community, one body and hundreds,
maybe thousands, of brains inside
working together to form a super
human intellect capable of curing
disease, stopping all war, and ruling
the world with a benevolent fist. We
will take a wife, a woman of uncommon
beauty and intellect, who is, as
yet, still an infant herself.
We see a photo of another infant, this one with a ribbon in
her hair.
LESTER ON FILM
Her name is Floris Horatia Hannibella
DeMent.

LOTTE
Does Floris know that she's the
chosen?
LESTER
Well, I tried to explain it to her,
but...
Lester points to his ear and shrugs.
CUT TO:
Genres: ["Dark Comedy","Fantasy"]

Summary In Lester's office at night, he confronts Lotte about her disheveled appearance and her unauthorized use of John Malkovich's mind. After a misunderstanding leads to a violent outburst, Lester decides to educate Lotte on the community's rules by showing her an indoctrination film. The film reveals the bizarre ideology of the Malkovich community, including plans for a utopian society. The scene ends with Lotte questioning the role of an infant named Floris, to which Lester gives a cryptic response.
Strengths
  • Effective blend of dark comedy and sinister elements
  • Intriguing introduction to the cult's beliefs
  • Tension between characters adds depth to the narrative
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue may be too on-the-nose
  • Limited exploration of Malkovich's perspective

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.7

The scene effectively blends dark comedy with sinister undertones, creating a tense and conflicted atmosphere. The introduction to the cult's indoctrination video adds depth to the story, and the shocking revelations about Malkovich's purpose enhance the intrigue.


Story Content

Concept: 8.6

The concept of the cult's indoctrination video and the revelation of Malkovich's purpose are intriguing and add depth to the story. The scene explores themes of control, manipulation, and the blurred lines between reality and fantasy.

Plot: 8.7

The plot progresses effectively with the introduction of new information about the cult and Malkovich's role. The scene sets up future conflicts and developments while maintaining a sense of mystery and tension.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh and original concept of entering John Malkovich's mind for eternal life, combined with dark humor and unconventional character interactions.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters of Lester and Lotte are well-developed in this scene, with their conflicting motivations and dynamics adding depth to the narrative. The introduction of Malkovich's purpose adds complexity to his character.

Character Changes: 8

Lotte experiences a revelation about the cult's beliefs and her role within it, leading to a shift in her understanding of the situation. Lester's reaction to Lotte's revelation also hints at potential changes in his character.

Internal Goal: 8

Lotte's internal goal is to understand her place within the Malkovichian community and her relationship with Maxine. This reflects her need for belonging and acceptance.

External Goal: 7.5

Lotte's external goal is to navigate the rules and expectations of the Malkovichian group and come to terms with her feelings for Maxine.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8.7

The conflict between Lester and Lotte, as well as the revelation of the cult's beliefs, creates a high level of tension and intrigue in the scene. The conflicting motivations and goals of the characters drive the conflict forward.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create conflict and uncertainty, adding depth to the characters' interactions and choices.

High Stakes: 8

The high stakes in the scene revolve around the cult's beliefs, Malkovich's purpose, and the conflict between characters. The revelation of these elements raises the stakes for the characters involved.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by introducing key information about the cult and Malkovich's purpose. It sets up future conflicts and developments while maintaining a sense of mystery and intrigue.

Unpredictability: 8.5

This scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected twists in the characters' beliefs and actions, keeping the audience intrigued.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict lies in the belief system of the Malkovichians, which involves entering Malkovich's mind for eternal life and a utopian society. This challenges traditional beliefs and values.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.6

The scene evokes a range of emotions, including tension, shock, and dark humor. The revelation of Malkovich's purpose and the conflict between characters add depth to the emotional impact.

Dialogue: 8.4

The dialogue effectively conveys the tension and conflict between Lester and Lotte, as well as the dark humor present in the scene. The indoctrination video dialogue adds an eerie and intriguing element to the narrative.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its intriguing premise, dark humor, and the unfolding mystery surrounding the Malkovichian belief system.

Pacing: 8

The pacing effectively builds tension and suspense, enhancing the scene's impact and maintaining the audience's interest.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting aligns with the genre's expectations, effectively conveying the tone and pacing of the scene.

Structure: 8.5

The scene follows a non-traditional structure that enhances the mysterious and surreal elements of the story, fitting the genre's expectations.


Critique
  • This scene effectively advances the plot by revealing key aspects of the cult's ideology and rules, providing essential backstory through the indoctrination video. It deepens the audience's understanding of Lester's character as a fanatical leader and highlights the surreal, comedic tone of the screenplay, which is consistent with the overall narrative. The use of the black-and-white film from the 1950s is a clever device for exposition, blending humor with world-building and making the information digestible without overwhelming dialogue. However, the abrupt shift from Lester's arousal to fury and the physical slap on Lotte feels jarring and potentially excessive, risking alienation of the audience if not balanced with the film's dark comedy; it could undermine Lotte's agency and make her appear too victimized, reducing her as a character to a reactive figure rather than an active participant in the story. Additionally, the dialogue, while functional for plot progression, occasionally veers into on-the-nose exposition, such as Lester's direct explanation of the rules, which might feel unnatural and could be subtler to maintain engagement. The scene's pacing is generally strong, building tension from confession to revelation, but the cut to the screening room and back could be smoother to avoid feeling disjointed, potentially disrupting the flow in a film that relies on rapid, surreal transitions. Overall, while it successfully escalates conflict and ties into themes of control and obsession, it could benefit from more nuanced character interactions to enhance emotional depth and ensure the humor lands without crossing into uncomfortable territory.
  • Lotte's character development in this scene is somewhat limited, as she primarily serves as a conduit for Lester's reactions and the plot's revelations. Her nervous and hollow-eyed state is well-described, evoking sympathy, but her responses lack depth, making her feel like a plot device rather than a fully realized character. This is particularly evident in her confession about being with Maxine inside Malkovich, which could explore her internal conflict more thoroughly, perhaps by showing her growing disillusionment or moral struggle, to make the audience more invested in her arc. The indoctrination video is a highlight, offering absurd comedy through its outdated style and Lester's youthful appearance, which contrasts humorously with the present-day Lester, but it might overwhelm the scene if not integrated tightly, as it shifts focus from interpersonal drama to historical exposition. Furthermore, the visual elements, like Lester's bloody bandage and the juicer, add to the quirky atmosphere but could be used more symbolically to reinforce themes of obsession and self-destruction, making the scene more thematically cohesive. In the context of the previous scenes, where possession and control are escalating, this scene feels appropriately tense, but it could better bridge the gap by referencing recent events, such as Craig's possession, to maintain narrative momentum and remind viewers of the interconnected stakes.
  • The tone of dark comedy is maintained through Lester's misinterpretation of Lotte's confession and his slapstick fury, but this risks inconsistency if the violence isn't handled carefully; the slap, in particular, might clash with the film's absurd humor, potentially making Lester come across as a caricature rather than a complex antagonist. The dialogue exchanges are functional but could be punchier, with more subtext to reveal character motivations— for instance, Lester's arousal comment could hint at his deeper insecurities or desires, adding layers to his personality. Visually, the scene is straightforward, but opportunities for more inventive cinematography, like close-ups on Lester's bandaged hand or the flickering projector light, could heighten the unease and emphasize the cult's eerie devotion. Ending with a cut to the next scene after the video revelation keeps the pace brisk, but it might benefit from a stronger emotional beat or cliffhanger to leave a lasting impact, such as Lotte's reaction shot showing dawning horror or resolve. In summary, while the scene successfully delivers critical information and maintains the screenplay's surreal edge, it could be refined to balance humor, character depth, and thematic consistency for a more engaging viewer experience.
Suggestions
  • Rewrite the moment where Lester slaps Lotte to use psychological manipulation or verbal intimidation instead, preserving the tension without physical violence, which could better align with the film's comedic tone and avoid alienating the audience.
  • Enhance Lotte's dialogue and actions to give her more agency; for example, have her question or challenge Lester's rules more assertively, showing her growth from the passive character in earlier scenes and making her arc more compelling.
  • Refine the exposition in the indoctrination video to be less direct; incorporate visual metaphors or symbolic elements that tie into the main story, such as referencing Craig's possession, to make it feel more integrated and less like a standalone info dump.
  • Add subtle visual cues or actions during the dialogue to reinforce themes, like Lester fidgeting with the juicer while talking about control, symbolizing his obsessive nature and adding depth to his character without additional lines.
  • Improve scene transitions by including a brief moment of hesitation or reaction from Lotte when moving to the screening room, creating a smoother flow and building suspense before the video reveal.
  • Consider shortening or tightening some dialogue for better pacing, such as condensing Lester's explanation of the video to focus on the most humorous or revelatory parts, ensuring the scene doesn't drag in a fast-paced screenplay.
  • Explore adding a humorous or ironic twist at the end, like Lotte recognizing a parallel between the cult's plan and her own experiences, to heighten emotional stakes and connect more strongly to the overarching narrative.



Scene 44 -  Puppet Mastery in the Bedroom
INT. MALKOVICH'S BEDROOM - NIGHT
Malkovich and Maxine lie naked on the bed, looking quite
relaxed.
MAXINE
You still there, sweets?
MALKOVICH
Yeah. I've figured out how to hold
on as long as I want. Oddly enough,
it's all in the wrists.
MAXINE
Wow.
(little girl pout)
Do a puppet show for me, Craig honey.
MALKOVICH
You mean with Malkovich?
MAXINE
I'd love to see your work.
MALKOVICH
(pleased)
Really? Yeah. Okay.
Malkovich leans over and kisses her, then gets up.
MALKOVICH
I'll do something I call "Craig's
Dance of Despair and Disillusionment."
Malkovich performs the same dance that the Craig pupper did
at the beginning of the film. It is exactly the same, complete
with impossible somersaults and perspiring brow. He finishes
by falling to his knees and weeping.
MAXINE
(moved)
That was incredible. You're brilliant!

MALKOVICH
You see, Maxine, it isn't just playing
with dolls.
MAXINE
You're right, my darling, it's so
much more. It's playing with people!
Malkovich kisses Maxine. She snuggles close to him.
MAXINE
Stay in him forever?
MALKOVICH
(as Malkovich,
screaming)
No!
(as Craig, calmly)
But how will we make a living, my
love, if our clientele doesn't have
access to our product?
MAXINE
Well, we'll have all the money in
Malkovich's bank account, plus he
still gets acting work occasionally.
MALKOVICH
(as Malkovich, breaking
through)
No! Please!
(as Craig, to Malkovich)
Shut up, will you? We're trying to
think here.
(to Maxine)
It is sort of like being a puppeteer.
I like that about it.
MAXINE
No one would ever have to know its
not him.
MALKOVICH
(an idea)
Wait a minute! What if everybody
knew? What if we presented Malkovich
as the world's most complicated puppet
and me as the only puppeteer
sophisticated enough to work him?
We'd wipe the floor with the Great
Mantini!

MAXINE
Oh, Craiggy, that's brilliant!
CUT TO:
Genres: ["Drama","Dark Comedy"]

Summary In scene 44, set in Malkovich's bedroom at night, John Malkovich, possessed by Craig, and Maxine share an intimate moment in bed. Maxine encourages Craig to perform a puppet show, leading to 'Craig's Dance of Despair and Disillusionment,' which impresses her. They discuss the implications of Craig's possession and brainstorm ways to exploit Malkovich's fame for financial gain, with Craig proposing to present Malkovich as a puppet he controls. Despite Malkovich's original consciousness attempting to protest, Craig suppresses it, and the scene ends with Maxine excitedly agreeing to Craig's plan, highlighting their manipulative relationship.
Strengths
  • Complex character dynamics
  • Exploration of power dynamics
  • Dark humor intertwined with intense moments
Weaknesses
  • Potential for confusion due to surreal elements
  • Some dialogue may be too cryptic or metaphorical

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively blends dark humor with intense moments, creating a surreal and engaging atmosphere. The exploration of power dynamics and the characters' conflicting desires adds depth to the narrative.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of exploring identity, control, and manipulation through puppeteering is innovative and thought-provoking. It adds layers of depth to the characters and their interactions.

Plot: 8

The plot advances through the characters' interactions and revelations, deepening the conflicts and setting the stage for further developments. The scene maintains a good balance between character dynamics and thematic exploration.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on the concept of identity and performance, blending humor with existential themes. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and engaging, contributing to the scene's originality.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters are complex and multifaceted, each driven by their desires and flaws. Their interactions reveal layers of vulnerability and manipulation, adding richness to the scene.

Character Changes: 8

The characters undergo subtle shifts in their perspectives and behaviors, particularly in their relationships and power dynamics. These changes hint at deeper transformations to come.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to explore his artistic identity and find validation through his puppetry skills. This reflects his deeper need for recognition and acceptance of his talent.

External Goal: 7.5

The protagonist's external goal is to find a way to sustain himself financially while pursuing his artistic endeavors. This reflects the immediate challenge of balancing passion with practicality.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The scene is filled with internal and external conflicts, driving the characters to confront their desires and vulnerabilities. The tension between control and freedom heightens the emotional stakes.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting desires and ethical dilemmas creating tension and uncertainty. The audience is left wondering how the characters will navigate their complex situation.

High Stakes: 8

The high stakes are evident in the characters' struggles for control, identity, and agency. The consequences of their actions have far-reaching implications, adding tension and urgency to the scene.

Story Forward: 9

The scene propels the story forward by deepening the conflicts and relationships between the characters. It sets the stage for further developments and reveals new layers of complexity in the narrative.

Unpredictability: 8.5

This scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected twists in the characters' decisions and the evolving dynamics between them. The audience is kept on their toes, unsure of how the situation will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the ethical implications of manipulating someone's identity for personal gain. It challenges the protagonist's beliefs about artistry, authenticity, and exploitation.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from tension and unease to dark humor and introspection. The characters' struggles and revelations resonate with the audience, creating a compelling emotional experience.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is sharp, engaging, and reflective of the characters' inner conflicts. It effectively conveys the power dynamics and emotional stakes at play in the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its blend of humor, emotional depth, and thematic richness. The characters' interactions and the unfolding conflict keep the audience invested in the story.

Pacing: 8.5

The pacing of the scene is well-crafted, with a balance of dialogue, action, and introspective moments. The rhythm enhances the scene's emotional impact and thematic resonance.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting adheres to the expected format for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character actions. The dialogue is well-structured and contributes to the scene's dynamics.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a coherent structure that effectively conveys the characters' goals and conflicts. The pacing and dialogue flow naturally, maintaining the audience's engagement.


Critique
  • The scene effectively reinforces the film's central themes of identity theft and manipulation by showing Craig's possession of Malkovich as both intimate and exploitative, which deepens the audience's understanding of the characters' moral decay. However, the rapid shift from a tender, post-coital moment to a business-like discussion about monetizing Malkovich's body feels abrupt and could disrupt the emotional flow, making it harder for viewers to connect with the characters' relationships amidst the absurdity.
  • The callback to Craig's earlier 'Dance of Despair and Disillusionment' is a strong narrative device that provides cohesion and highlights Craig's evolution from a struggling puppeteer to a controller of human lives, but it risks feeling repetitive if not contextualized enough within this new scenario. This repetition might underscore the theme of stagnation in Craig's life, but it could alienate viewers who expect more originality in a key character moment.
  • Dialogue in the scene is sharp and humorous, effectively blending dark comedy with the horror of possession, as seen in Malkovich's brief outbursts. This adds layers to the tone, making the scene engaging, but the internal conflict (e.g., Malkovich screaming 'No!') is underutilized and comes across as superficial, reducing the potential for deeper emotional impact and sympathy for Malkovich as a victim.
  • Pacing is generally good for a comedic scene, with quick exchanges that maintain energy, but the transition to the idea of competing with the Great Mantini feels forced and underdeveloped. This plot point introduces a new conflict without adequate buildup, which might confuse viewers about its relevance to the larger story, especially since Mantini was mentioned earlier but not deeply explored.
  • Overall, the scene excels in portraying the perverse intimacy between Craig (via Malkovich) and Maxine, emphasizing the film's exploration of desire and control, but it could better integrate the broader stakes involving the cult and Lotte to avoid feeling isolated. This might leave readers or viewers questioning how this moment advances the plot beyond character reinforcement.
Suggestions
  • To improve emotional continuity, add subtle transitions or physical actions that bridge the intimate and business-like sections, such as Maxine tracing Malkovich's wrist to reference Craig's comment about 'holding on,' making the shift feel more organic and less jarring.
  • Enhance the callback to the earlier dance by incorporating small variations or reflections on how Craig's control has changed Malkovich's performance, adding depth and avoiding repetition; this could include altered dialogue or movements that symbolize Craig's growing dominance.
  • Develop Malkovich's internal struggle more vividly by extending his moments of breakthrough with fragmented memories or pleas that reveal his backstory, increasing tension and making his character more sympathetic and multidimensional.
  • Flesh out the Mantini competition idea with a brief foreshadowing element, such as a line about past rivalries or a newspaper clipping in the background, to make it feel less abrupt and more connected to the overall narrative arc.
  • To strengthen thematic ties, include a subtle reference to the cult's influence or Lotte's absence (e.g., a mention of 'loose ends' or a distant sound), ensuring the scene doesn't exist in isolation and builds anticipation for upcoming conflicts.



Scene 45 -  Desperate Confrontation at the Portal
INT. LESTER'S SHRINE ROOM - NIGHT
The worshippers are assembled. Lotte stands before them.
LOTTE
I have sinned, unwittingly, against
the community. And for this I am
truly sorry.
MAN #2
W-w-what's it like on the inside?
LOTTE
Oh, it's glorious. It's indescribable.
MAN #2
Oooh, I wanna go. I wanna go. I say
it's time.
LESTER
Perhaps you're right, Terry. We're
all prepared, and perhaps this
Schwartz fellow is forcing our hand
a bit. We will enter the portal
tonight!
Everyone cheers.
CUT TO:
INT. CRAIG AND MAXINE'S OFFICE - NIGHT
Maxine and Malkovich are furiously filling the portal with
cement. Suddenly Malkovich stops and runs to the office door
screaming a bloodcurdling scream. He stops just as suddenly,
begins to strangle himself.
MALKOVICH
(Craig to Malkovich)
Shut up!
(to Maxine)
Sorry, dear, I lost control for a
minute.
MAXINE
(kissing him)
It's okay, my sweet.
They go back to filling the portal. There is the sound of
many shuffling feet in the hallway. The door flies open and

the Malkovichians led by Lester and Lotte burst in. Malkovich
and Maxine turn with a start.
LESTER
Aaaahhhh, the portal!
LOTTE
(to Malkovich)
You bastard!
Lotte lunges for Malkovich. Lester grabs her arm, holds her
back.
LESTER
No! Don't harm the vessel!
LOTTE
It's Craig in there, I can tell.
LESTER
I understand, but we must protect
the vessel at all costs.
(to Malkovich)
Please, Craig, please step aside and
allow us to have what is rightfully
ours.
CRAIG
Squatter's rights, Lester.
Craig laughs somewhat maniacally. Maxine slips her arm through
Craig's, joins him in his laughter, and glances triumphantly
over at Lotte.
MAXINE
Now excuse us, we have an
entertainment legend to create.
LESTER
(to the cult members)
Clear the way for them, my friends.
They will be dealt with in due time.
The Malkovichians grumble and let Malkovich and Maxine exit.
LESTER
Now, let's see what we can do to
salvage this portal... for the sake
of all that is good.
The Malkovichians converge on the sealed portal, and begin
clawing desperately at the quick-drying cement.

Fingers are scraped raw, and we see smears of blood and skin
on the rough gray surface.
CUT TO:
Genres: ["Fantasy","Comedy","Drama"]

Summary In Lester's shrine room, Lotte confesses her sins and inspires the Malkovichians to enter the portal that night. Meanwhile, in Craig and Maxine's office, they attempt to seal the portal with cement. Malkovich experiences a moment of self-strangulation but regains control. The Malkovichians confront Craig and Maxine, with Lester insisting on protecting Malkovich as a vessel, while Craig mocks their efforts. As Craig and Maxine leave, the Malkovichians desperately claw at the cement, resulting in injuries, highlighting the escalating conflict over the portal.
Strengths
  • Intense conflict
  • Complex characters
  • Surreal atmosphere
  • Sharp dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Potentially confusing for some viewers
  • Dark themes may not appeal to all audiences

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.7

The scene is highly engaging with its mix of fantasy, comedy, and drama elements. It effectively builds tension and showcases the power dynamics between the characters, leading to a climactic showdown.


Story Content

Concept: 8.6

The concept of entering John Malkovich's mind and the power struggles that ensue are intriguing and well-developed. The scene explores themes of control, manipulation, and identity in a unique and compelling way.

Plot: 8.7

The plot of the scene is crucial in advancing the story, introducing high stakes, and deepening the conflict between the characters. It propels the narrative forward and sets the stage for future developments.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh take on cult dynamics and the concept of entering a portal, blending elements of mystery, humor, and drama. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and add depth to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 8.8

The characters are complex and multifaceted, each driven by their own motivations and desires. The interactions between them reveal layers of manipulation, betrayal, and emotional turmoil, adding depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 9

Several characters undergo significant changes in the scene, particularly in terms of power dynamics and emotional revelations. These transformations drive the plot forward and deepen the character arcs.

Internal Goal: 8

Lotte's internal goal is to seek redemption for her perceived sins and maintain her standing within the cult. This reflects her need for acceptance, belonging, and absolution.

External Goal: 9

The protagonist's external goal is to protect the vessel, which is Craig, from harm and prevent the cult from taking control of him. This goal reflects the immediate challenge of defending Craig and maintaining control over the situation.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is intense and multi-layered, involving power struggles, manipulation, and betrayal. The high stakes and emotional tension drive the narrative forward and keep the audience engaged.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting goals and motivations among the characters, creating uncertainty and tension about the outcome.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes in the scene are high, involving the control of John Malkovich's body, the power struggle between characters, and the potential consequences of their actions. The outcome will have far-reaching implications.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by introducing key conflicts, escalating tensions, and setting up future developments. It propels the narrative towards a climactic resolution.

Unpredictability: 8.5

This scene is unpredictable because of the sudden shifts in character motivations, the introduction of new obstacles, and the unexpected actions taken by the cult members and protagonists.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict lies in the cult's belief in the portal and their willingness to go to extreme lengths to achieve their goals, contrasting with the protagonists' desire to protect Craig and maintain their own agency.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.7

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from tension and suspense to moments of dark humor and betrayal. The characters' struggles and conflicts resonate with the audience, creating a strong emotional impact.

Dialogue: 8.4

The dialogue is sharp and impactful, conveying the characters' emotions and intentions effectively. It adds tension and humor to the scene, enhancing the overall atmosphere.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its blend of suspense, conflict, and character dynamics. The escalating tensions and unexpected twists keep the audience invested in the unfolding events.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, with well-timed reveals and character interactions that maintain the audience's interest and drive the story forward.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting adheres to the expected standards for the genre, with clear scene headings, dialogue formatting, and action descriptions that enhance visual storytelling.

Structure: 9

The scene follows a well-paced structure with clear transitions between locations and impactful character interactions. It maintains tension and builds towards a climactic moment.


Critique
  • The scene effectively escalates the central conflict between the cult (Malkovichians) and Craig/Maxine over control of the portal, maintaining the screenplay's absurd and surreal tone. It advances the plot by showing the cult's desperation and Craig's growing hubris, which ties into the overarching themes of identity, possession, and obsession. The visual of the cult members clawing at the cemented portal is particularly striking and symbolic, representing their futile grasp for power and adding a layer of horror-comedy that fits the film's style. However, the scene suffers from abrupt transitions between locations—the shift from Lester's shrine room to Craig and Maxine's office feels disjointed, potentially disorienting the audience without clear narrative bridging. This could be improved by better integrating the two settings or using sound design to create a smoother flow.
  • Dialogue in the scene is functional but often lacks subtlety and depth. For instance, lines like 'Squatter's rights, Lester' and 'You bastard!' are direct and expository, which can feel on-the-nose and reduce emotional authenticity. While this might be intentional for comedic effect, it risks making characters seem one-dimensional. Lotte's confession and immediate aggression could benefit from more nuanced expression to show her internal conflict, drawing from her recent emotional turmoil in previous scenes. Additionally, the repetition of themes—such as Craig's maniacal laughter and claims of control—mirrors earlier moments but doesn't introduce new insights, potentially making the scene feel redundant in the context of the script's exploration of possession.
  • Character interactions reveal key dynamics, such as Lester's protective stance toward Malkovich as 'the vessel' and Maxine's supportive role in Craig's schemes, but the scene could delve deeper into their motivations. For example, Lotte's lunge at Malkovich feels impulsive and underdeveloped, given her recent confession and the cult's ideology. The moment where Malkovich briefly regains control and strangles himself is a strong visual beat that highlights the horror of possession, but it could be more impactful with added sensory details or a slower build-up to emphasize the psychological toll. Overall, while the scene captures the chaotic energy of the story, it occasionally prioritizes plot progression over character depth, which might leave readers or viewers wanting more emotional resonance.
  • Pacing is generally good for a high-stakes confrontation, with quick cuts and escalating action keeping the energy high, but the scene's structure—split between two distinct locations—creates a fragmented feel. The cult's decision to enter the portal is a logical escalation from Lotte's confession, but it resolves too hastily without building sufficient tension. The ending, with the cult injuring themselves on the cement, is visceral and memorable, reinforcing the theme of obsessive folly, but it could be more cinematically engaging with better described visuals or sound effects to heighten the absurdity and pain. In the context of the entire script, this scene serves as a pivotal turning point, but it might benefit from tighter editing to avoid overlapping with similar confrontations in adjacent scenes.
  • Thematically, the scene underscores the destructive nature of unchecked desire and the consequences of violating personal boundaries, which is consistent with the script's exploration of identity theft through the portal. However, the humor risks veering into caricature, especially with the cult's exaggerated reactions, which could alienate audiences if not balanced with genuine stakes. The relationship between Craig and Maxine is portrayed as increasingly toxic and codependent, but their exit line about creating an 'entertainment legend' feels underdeveloped and could use more foreshadowing to connect to future events. Overall, while the scene is entertaining and advances the narrative, it could strengthen its impact by focusing on character-driven moments rather than relying on spectacle alone.
Suggestions
  • Improve scene transitions by adding a sound bridge or a brief descriptive intercut (e.g., the sound of shuffling feet from the hallway could carry over from the shrine room to the office) to make the shift less abrupt and more fluid.
  • Refine dialogue for subtlety; for example, replace 'Squatter's rights, Lester' with a more indirect taunt that reveals Craig's arrogance through subtext, such as referencing their shared history or the portal's 'discovery' in a smug way.
  • Enhance character development by adding a short beat for Lotte to show her hesitation or internal conflict before lunging at Malkovich, perhaps through a close-up reaction shot or a line that echoes her confession, to make her actions feel more earned.
  • Strengthen visual elements by expanding descriptions of key actions, like the cement-filling process or the cult's clawing, to include sensory details (e.g., the wet slop of cement or the raw sound of skin tearing) that heighten tension and immerse the audience.
  • Tighten pacing by condensing the cult's decision-making process or Craig's laughter to avoid repetition, ensuring each moment adds unique value and builds toward the scene's climax without dragging.
  • Incorporate more thematic depth by having characters reference past events (e.g., Lotte alluding to her argument with Craig in scene 41) to create continuity and deepen emotional layers, making the confrontation feel more personal and less generic.
  • Consider adding a moment of vulnerability for Malkovich during his brief regain of control, such as a whispered plea, to humanize him and contrast with Craig's dominance, enhancing the scene's emotional range.



Scene 46 -  The Absurd Proposal
INT. AGENT'S OFFICE - DAY
A slick-looking agent answers a buzzing phone.
AGENT
Of course, send him right in. Don't
ever keep him waiting again. Do you
understand?
Malkovich and Maxine enter. The agent stands, holds out his
hand.
AGENT
John! Great to see you! Sorry about
the cunt at reception.
MALKOVICH
This is my fiancee Maxine.
The agent shakes Maxine's hand.
AGENT
Great to see you, Maxine. Sorry about
the cunt at reception. Please have a
seat.
Malkovich and Maxine sit.
AGENT
Can I get you anything? Coffee? Water?
MAXINE
No thanks.
AGENT
(into phone)
Teresa, get me a chicken soup.
(to Malkovich and
Maxine)
Chicken soup?
Maxine and Malkovich shake their heads "no."
MALKOVICH
I'll get right to the point, Larry.
I'm a puppet now...
AGENT
Okay.

MALKOVICH
I'm being controlled by the world's
greatest puppeteer, Craig Schwartz...
AGENT
(no clue)
Oh yeah, he's good.
MALKOVICH
... and I want to show off his skills
by performing a one-puppet
extravaganza in Reno.
MAXINE
Vegas.
MALKOVICH
Vegas. Can you arrange that?
AGENT
Sure, sure. Just let me make a couple
of calls.
CUT TO:
Genres: ["Comedy","Drama"]

Summary In an agent's office, Malkovich and his fiancée Maxine meet with an accommodating agent who quickly agrees to arrange a performance after Malkovich reveals he is now a puppet controlled by Craig Schwartz. The agent's casual demeanor and the bizarre nature of Malkovich's situation create a humorous atmosphere as they discuss the details of the event in Vegas.
Strengths
  • Unique concept of puppeteering a famous actor
  • Effective blend of humor and tension
  • Strong character interactions
Weaknesses
  • Lack of significant character development in this specific scene

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively blends humor and tension, keeping the audience engaged with the absurdity of the puppeteering situation and the conflicting emotions of the characters.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of puppeteering a famous actor like John Malkovich is unique and intriguing, adding layers of complexity to the story.

Plot: 8

The plot advances through the introduction of the puppeteering concept and the ensuing conflicts, driving the narrative forward.

Originality: 8.5

The scene introduces a fresh and quirky premise of a protagonist who believes he is a puppet, blending elements of comedy and surrealism. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and contribute to the scene's originality.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters are well-developed, each reacting authentically to the bizarre situation, adding depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 7

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the dynamics between the characters evolve due to the puppeteering revelation.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to assert his newfound identity as a puppet and seek validation for his desire to perform in Vegas. This reflects his need for recognition and acceptance of his unconventional aspirations.

External Goal: 7.5

The protagonist's external goal is to secure a performance opportunity in Vegas to showcase his puppeteering skills. This goal is a direct response to the immediate challenge of proving his talent and gaining professional success.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8.5

The conflict between the characters, driven by the puppeteering situation, creates tension and engages the audience.

Opposition: 7.5

The opposition in the scene is moderate, with the agent's initial skepticism serving as a minor obstacle for the protagonist. The uncertainty of the agent's response adds a layer of tension.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high as the characters grapple with the implications of puppeteering a famous actor and the potential consequences of their actions.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by introducing the puppeteering conflict and setting up future developments.

Unpredictability: 8.5

This scene is unpredictable because of the protagonist's eccentric claim of being a puppet and the uncertain outcome of his request to perform in Vegas. The audience is left wondering how the agent will react.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict revolves around the protagonist's belief in the value of his puppeteering skills versus the agent's initial lack of understanding or appreciation for this art form. This challenges the protagonist's worldview and highlights the clash between artistic expression and commercial interests.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7.5

The scene elicits a range of emotions from the audience, including humor, tension, and a touch of arousal, enhancing the overall impact.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue effectively conveys the humor, tension, and conflicting emotions of the characters, enhancing the scene's impact.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its blend of humor, intrigue, and character dynamics. The rapid-fire dialogue and quirky premise keep the audience captivated.

Pacing: 8.5

The pacing of the scene is well-crafted, with a balance of dialogue exchanges and character actions that maintain momentum and build tension effectively.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting adheres to industry standards, with clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting that enhance readability and flow.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a standard format for a dialogue-driven interaction in a screenplay, effectively establishing character dynamics and advancing the plot.


Critique
  • The scene feels somewhat disconnected from the high-stakes chaos of the previous scenes, such as the violent confrontation with the Malkovichians in scene 45. This abrupt shift to a casual business meeting in an agent's office dilutes the tension and surreal energy built up earlier, making the transition feel jarring. As a pivotal moment where Craig (through Malkovich) advances his plan for fame, it lacks the emotional weight or conflict that could tie it more seamlessly to the overarching narrative of possession and identity crisis, potentially leaving viewers confused about the rapid change in tone and stakes.
  • Character development is underutilized here. Malkovich, who has shown resistance and distress in earlier scenes (e.g., scene 42), appears oddly compliant and business-like while possessed by Craig. This doesn't fully explore the internal conflict or the horror of being controlled, reducing him to a mouthpiece for exposition. Maxine, introduced as Malkovich's fiancee, has little agency beyond a single line correction; her character, who has been portrayed as sharp and manipulative, could benefit from more active participation to maintain consistency and depth, helping to reinforce her role in the power dynamics.
  • The dialogue is functional but lacks subtext and humor that could elevate the scene's darkly comedic tone. For instance, the agent's crude remark about the receptionist feels gratuitous and doesn't advance character or plot, potentially alienating audiences if not balanced with wit. Malkovich's explanation of being a 'puppet' is direct but misses an opportunity to delve into the psychological implications, such as Craig's internal monologue or subtle physical tics that could visually convey the possession, making the scene more engaging and thematically rich.
  • Pacing is brisk, which suits the scene's purpose as a setup for future events, but it sacrifices depth for efficiency. At around 45 seconds of screen time (based on typical pacing), it rushes through key information without building suspense or allowing for character moments that could make the audience care more about the Vegas performance setup. This brevity might work in a fast-paced film, but it risks feeling like a perfunctory plot device rather than a memorable beat, especially in a screenplay filled with surreal and emotional highs.
  • Visually, the scene is static and dialogue-heavy, relying heavily on talking heads in an office setting without leveraging cinematic elements to enhance the story. For example, there are no subtle reminders of the possession—such as Malkovich's movements appearing slightly unnatural or the agent's reaction shots showing dawning realization—that could add layers of unease and tie into the film's themes of control and puppetry. This makes the scene less visually dynamic compared to earlier sequences with more action and surrealism, potentially diminishing its impact in a film that thrives on visual storytelling.
  • Thematically, while it advances the motif of Craig using others as puppets for his ambition, it doesn't deepen this idea or connect it strongly to the broader conflicts, such as the cult's obsession or Lotte's subplot. The agent's nonchalant acceptance of the absurd situation underscores the world's indifference to Malkovich's plight, but this could be more pointedly satirical or ironic to heighten the critique of fame and exploitation, making the scene a stronger commentary on the story's central themes.
Suggestions
  • Add a brief transitional element, such as a voice-over from Craig or a quick flashback to the portal sealing in scene 45, to smooth the shift in tone and remind the audience of the ongoing possession, ensuring better narrative flow and maintaining tension.
  • Incorporate more conflict or resistance from the agent, such as initial skepticism or demands for proof of Craig's puppeteering skills, to create dramatic tension and give Malkovich (or Craig) a chance to demonstrate control, making the scene more engaging and true to the character's established struggles.
  • Enhance the dialogue with subtext and humor; for example, have Malkovich's speech include slips that reveal Craig's personality or internal conflict, and make Maxine's corrections more flirtatious or manipulative to showcase her agency, adding depth and aligning with the film's darkly comedic style.
  • Extend the scene slightly to include visual cues of possession, like Malkovich's body language becoming jerky or the agent noticing something off, which could heighten the surreal atmosphere and provide opportunities for closer shots that emphasize the theme of lost identity.
  • Give Maxine a more active role, such as her negotiating the deal or adding sarcastic commentary, to maintain her character's strength and avoid her feeling like a passive participant, which would improve character consistency and make the scene more dynamic.
  • Focus on thematic reinforcement by having the agent reference the entertainment industry's exploitative nature, perhaps drawing a parallel to real-world puppeteering in Hollywood, to deepen the satire and connect the scene more explicitly to the film's exploration of control and fame.



Scene 47 -  The Portal's Illusion
INT. CRAIG AND MAXINE'S OFFICE - DAY
The cult members are still there, now with picks shovels.
They are worn out and sweaty. The portal is excavated, but
it seems ragged and destroyed. Man #2 emerges from the hole,
a rope tied around his waist.
MAN #2
That's the last of it, boss.
Lester peers through the door.
LESTER
Well, let's see what we've got here.
Lester crawls into the tunnel, the door slams behind him.
CUT TO:
INT. PORTAL - CONTINUOUS
Lester crawls through. There is a slurping sound and a flash
of light.
CUT TO:

INT. BUNKER - DAY
The scene is in black and white. Bombs are dropping. There
is a blonde in forties clothes there. Lester views the scene
through somebody's POV.
LESTER (V.O.)
My God, where am I? This seems so
familiar.
The person walks past a mirror. It's Hitler.
LESTER (V.O.)
My God, I'm Hitler in the bunker!
Aaaahhhh! Aaaah!
DIRECTOR
Cut!
We look over to see a director and camera crew.
LESTER (V.O.)
Oh, I'm just the actor in that
Twilight Zone episode.
There is a popping sound.
CUT TO:
EXT. DITCH - DAY
Lester pops into the ditch. One of his cult members is waiting
with a car, and looking hopeful. Lester sadly shakes his
head "no."
CUT TO:
Genres: ["Drama","Fantasy","Comedy"]

Summary In scene 47, exhausted cult members finish excavating a portal in Craig and Maxine's office. Lester enters the tunnel, only to find himself in a surreal black and white vision of a World War II bunker, where he believes he has become Hitler. Panic ensues until a director calls 'Cut!', revealing it was all part of a film set. Disappointed, Lester returns to the real world, shaking his head at a hopeful cult member, indicating their quest has failed.
Strengths
  • Unique concept blending fantasy and reality
  • Sharp dialogue and character interactions
  • Emotional depth and complexity
Weaknesses
  • Potential confusion due to surreal elements
  • Some scenes may be disturbing or uncomfortable for some viewers

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively combines elements of drama, fantasy, and comedy to create a unique and engaging narrative. The dark and surreal tone, along with the satirical elements, add depth and intrigue to the storyline.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of entering John Malkovich's mind and the exploration of identity and control are intriguing and thought-provoking. The blending of fantasy elements with real-world consequences adds depth to the narrative.

Plot: 8

The plot is engaging and complex, weaving together multiple storylines and character arcs. The progression of events keeps the audience invested and curious about the outcome.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh and unexpected twist by revealing the protagonist's connection to historical figures like Hitler. The authenticity of the characters' reactions and the surreal progression of events contribute to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters are well-developed and exhibit depth and complexity, especially in their interactions and conflicts. Each character's motivations and actions contribute to the overall narrative.

Character Changes: 8

Several characters undergo significant changes during the scene, particularly in their understanding of identity, control, and relationships. These transformations drive the narrative forward and add depth to the characters.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to confront a shocking revelation about his identity or past, as indicated by his realization of embodying Hitler in a past life. This reflects his deeper fears of being associated with evil or historical atrocities, and his desire to understand his own history and actions.

External Goal: 7.5

The protagonist's external goal is to navigate the consequences of his portal experience and his cult's activities, as shown by his interaction with the cult member and his refusal to join the car. This reflects the immediate challenge of reconciling his past actions with his present reality.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The scene is filled with internal and external conflicts, driving the narrative forward and adding tension to the interactions between characters. The stakes are high, leading to compelling drama.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist facing internal and external challenges that create uncertainty and tension. The revelation of his past identity as Hitler and the cult's activities present obstacles that drive the conflict forward.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in the scene, with characters facing personal, emotional, and existential challenges. The consequences of their actions have far-reaching implications, adding tension and drama to the narrative.

Story Forward: 9

The scene effectively moves the story forward by introducing new conflicts, revelations, and character dynamics. Each event propels the narrative towards its climax, keeping the audience engaged.

Unpredictability: 9

This scene is unpredictable due to its surreal and non-linear progression. The sudden shifts in setting and the protagonist's shocking realization add layers of uncertainty and intrigue, keeping the audience guessing about the story's direction.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict revolves around the themes of identity, morality, and the nature of reality. The protagonist's realization of embodying Hitler challenges his beliefs about himself and the world, questioning the boundaries between past and present, reality and fiction.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from shock and confusion to humor and introspection. The characters' struggles and revelations resonate with the audience, creating a strong emotional impact.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is sharp, witty, and reflective of the characters' personalities. It adds depth to the scenes and enhances the overall tone and atmosphere.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its blend of mystery, humor, and psychological depth. The unexpected twists and revelations keep the audience intrigued, while the character dynamics and surreal elements create a compelling narrative.

Pacing: 8.5

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, with well-timed transitions and moments of revelation. The rhythm of the dialogue and action sequences enhances the scene's emotional impact and narrative flow.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting adheres to the expected standards for the genre, effectively conveying the scene's visual and tonal elements. The use of concise action lines and dialogue formatting enhances the readability and impact of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a non-linear structure that enhances the mystery and suspense. The transitions between different settings create a sense of disorientation and intrigue, fitting the genre's expectations.


Critique
  • The scene effectively maintains the film's surreal and absurd tone by using a quick, comedic failure sequence that parodies classic sci-fi tropes, specifically referencing 'The Twilight Zone,' which fits the meta-narrative style of the script. However, the rapid escalation from Lester's entry into the portal to his immediate ejection feels rushed and lacks buildup, diminishing the emotional weight of the cult's desperation and Lester's personal investment in the portal. This could make the scene feel like a throwaway gag rather than a pivotal moment that advances the plot or deepens character understanding.
  • Lester's character is portrayed as increasingly pathetic and comedic, with his voice-over reactions providing exposition that borders on caricature. While this aligns with the film's satirical edge, it doesn't allow for much growth or nuance; for instance, his realization that he's in a TV episode could explore his delusions of grandeur more profoundly, perhaps by showing internal conflict or tying it back to his earlier claims of longevity and wisdom, making him a more tragic figure rather than just a humorous one.
  • Thematically, the scene reinforces ideas of identity and control through the portal's unpredictable nature, but the direct reference to a specific Twilight Zone episode might come across as overly reliant on external homage, potentially distracting from the original story's unique elements. It could benefit from more integration with the film's established motifs, such as the cult's obsession with Malkovich, to feel less like a standalone joke and more like a cohesive part of the narrative arc.
  • Visually and aurally, the black-and-white bunker sequence with bombs dropping and the sudden cut to a film set is a strong visual gag that highlights the disorienting effects of the portal, but the transition is abrupt and could confuse viewers if not handled with clearer directorial cues. Additionally, the humor relies heavily on Lester's over-the-top voice-over, which might not land as effectively in a visual medium, as it tells rather than shows the audience his confusion and fear, reducing the scene's immersive quality.
  • Overall, while the scene serves its purpose in showing the cult's plan failing and escalating the stakes for future conflicts, it feels somewhat isolated from the larger emotional threads of the script, such as Lotte's arc or Craig's manipulations. This could make it less memorable or impactful, especially in a film filled with similar surreal moments, and it might benefit from stronger connections to preceding and subsequent scenes to enhance continuity and viewer engagement.
Suggestions
  • Extend the scene slightly by adding a brief moment of anticipation before Lester enters the portal, such as showing the cult members exchanging nervous glances or Lester muttering a prayer, to build tension and make the failure more satisfying and emotionally resonant.
  • Reduce reliance on voice-over by incorporating more visual storytelling; for example, show Lester's facial expressions and physical reactions in the bunker scene to convey his horror and realization, allowing the audience to infer his thoughts without explicit narration, which could make the scene more cinematic and engaging.
  • Integrate the Twilight Zone reference more subtly or tie it directly to Lester's backstory, perhaps by having him reference his own experiences or the cult's ideology during the vision, to strengthen thematic ties and avoid feeling like a generic pop culture nod, thus making it more original and relevant to the story.
  • Enhance the comedic and dramatic elements by adding a reaction shot from the waiting cult member in the ditch, showing their disappointment or confusion, which could add layers to the group's dynamics and provide a humorous contrast to Lester's failure, improving character relationships and scene depth.
  • Consider adding a small hint of foreshadowing or consequence, such as Lester vowing to try again or discussing the failure with the cult member, to better connect this scene to the ongoing plot and ensure it contributes more actively to the rising action, rather than serving as an isolated comedic beat.



Scene 48 -  Revelations and Resignations
INT. LESTER'S SHRINE ROOM - DAY
The cult members mill about, drinking coffee, chatting.
Lester enters with the cult member who picked him up at the
ditch. All quiet down and look over at him.
LESTER
Thank you all for your efforts, but
I'm afraid we can no longer get into
Malkovich through the portal.
LOTTE
(panicky)
Why not? I need to get in there!

LESTER
I'm not certain, my dear, but I
believe your husband has somehow
psychically diverted the route.
LOTTE
That bastard! I'll gladly dispose of
him in the name of the order, Son of
Malkovich.
LESTER
I'm afraid that no physical harm
must come to him as long as he
inhabits the vessel.
MAN #3
(raises hand)
Oooh, I got an idea! What if we build
another portal to Malkovich, like
around back, and sneak in that way?
MAN #4
Only Captain Mertin knew how to build
a portal, dummy, and he's dead!
LESTER
Actually, my friends, I suppose its
time I told you, I'm Captain James
Mertin.
The members fall into a stunned silence. Lester takes some
refrigerator magnets and spells out L-E-S-T-E-R on a board.
He then rearranges them for a while.
LESTER
You see, Lester is an anagram for
Mertin.
Lester continues to rearrange the letters, getting a little
tense now.
LESTER
It used to work, I'm sure of it.
Several members check their watches.
LESTER
Oh, damn it to hell. Anyway, I am.
L-E-S-T-E-R has been left as E-L R-E-S-T as Lester turns
from the board to face the congregation.
MAN #3
How can this be? I thought you were
only one hundred and five years old.

MAN #3
Mertin would have to be...
LESTER
(chuckles amiably)
I'm two hundred and five, truth be
told.
WOMAN #1
(flirtatiously)
You don't look a day over one hundred
and five, Captain. What's your secret?
LESTER
Lots of carrot juice, little lady.
That, and a deal with the Devil.
There is a lot of murmuring in the room now.
MAN #2
So what exactly are you saying? Are
we in cahoots with the Dark Master
here?
LESTER
Surprise.
The cultists get tense, start to leave en masse.
LESTER
Wait! It's not that bad! When we get
into Malkovich, we still get to rule
the world, just like I told you. The
only difference is that we rule in
the name of evil, instead of good.
People stop in their tracks.
MAN #3
That's the only difference?
LESTER
Absolutely.
The cultists think about is, then shrug and stay put.
LESTER
So anyway...
Lotte stands.
LOTTE
Well, I for one, am resigning. I
will not serve evil. I am ashamed of
all of you.

Lotte heads for the door.
LESTER
My dear, let me assure you that when
we attain power, it will be much
more pleasant for those inside
Malkovich, than for those outside.
Lotte stops and turns.
LOTTE
I'll take my chances.
She exits.
LESTER
Anybody else?
WOMAN #1
Do we get to wear a crown?
LESTER
But of course.
WOMAN #1
Count me in.
LESTER
Good. I think its time to beckon Mr.
Flemmer. Perhaps He can help us out
of this pickle.
FLIP TO:
INT. LESTER'S SHRINE ROOM - A BIT LATER
Mr. Flemmer, a silver-haired gentleman in turtleneck and
blazer, scratches his head. The cultists patiently watch
him.
FLEMMER
Boy, this is a toughie. To be honest,
I didn't anticipate this.
LESTER
And as I said, sir, we can't very
well exert physical persuasion upon
the sacred vessel Malkovich.
FLEMMER
Right, Lester. I heard you the first
time. I'm not a dummy.

LESTER
Didn't mean to imply that you were,
sir.
FLEMMER
Look, I'm going back to my house to
ponder this. So stay calm and keep
track of Schwartz's comings and
goings. Oh, and somebody dispose of
Schwartz's wife, will you?
(to cultists)
Nice to meet you all.
The cult members ad-lib "same here, sir."
CUT TO:
Genres: ["Comedy","Fantasy","Drama"]

Summary In Lester's shrine room, the cult members are thrown into chaos when Lester reveals they can no longer access Malkovich due to Craig's interference. Lotte panics and suggests harming Craig, but Lester, claiming to be Captain Mertin, insists no harm can come to him. He admits to being 205 years old and having made a deal with the Devil, shocking the cultists. While some consider leaving, Lester persuades them to stay for the promise of ruling the world under evil. Lotte, however, resigns in disgust and leaves. Mr. Flemmer later arrives, confirming the issue and instructing the cult to dispose of Lotte and monitor Craig, leaving the group with unresolved tensions.
Strengths
  • Innovative concept of revealing Lester's true identity through an anagram
  • Effective blend of humor, mystery, and character dynamics
  • Smooth transition between tones and themes
Weaknesses
  • Some cult members' reactions could be further developed for added depth and impact

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.7

The scene is highly engaging with its unexpected revelation, blending humor and mystery effectively. The anagram twist adds a unique element to the story, keeping the audience intrigued.


Story Content

Concept: 8.6

The concept of using an anagram to unveil a character's hidden identity is innovative and adds an element of mystery to the scene. It enhances the overall narrative and deepens the audience's understanding of the cult's leader.

Plot: 8.7

The plot development in this scene is significant, shedding light on Lester's true nature and adding complexity to the cult's dynamics. The revelation propels the story forward and sets the stage for further intrigue.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh and imaginative concept of cult members trying to access Malkovich through a portal, blending elements of mystery, humor, and supernatural intrigue. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and contribute to the scene's originality.


Character Development

Characters: 8.4

The characters' reactions to Lester's revelation are authentic and add depth to their personalities. The scene showcases the cult members' loyalty, skepticism, and individuality, enriching the overall character dynamics.

Character Changes: 8

Lester's revelation prompts a shift in the cult members' perceptions and beliefs, leading to internal conflicts and moral dilemmas. The scene sets the stage for potential character growth and transformation.

Internal Goal: 8

Lester's internal goal is to maintain control and authority over the cult members while revealing his true identity as Captain James Mertin. This reflects his need for power and validation, as well as his fear of losing influence over the group.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to find a way to access Malkovich despite the obstacles presented by the psychic diversion and the cult members' doubts. This goal reflects the immediate challenge of maintaining the cult's mission and power dynamics.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8.2

The conflict in the scene arises from the revelation of Lester's true identity and the cult members' reactions to this unexpected twist. Tensions escalate as loyalties are tested and the stakes of their mission become clearer.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting beliefs and values creating tension among the characters. The uncertainty of how the cult members will react to Lester's revelations adds a layer of complexity and unpredictability to the scene.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are raised as the cult members grapple with the revelation of Lester's true identity and the implications for their mission. Loyalties are tested, and the potential consequences of their actions become more pronounced.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly advances the story by revealing crucial information about Lester and the cult's dynamics. It sets the stage for further plot developments and deepens the audience's engagement with the narrative.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists and revelations, such as Lester's true identity as Captain Mertin and the cult members' reactions to his revelations. The audience is kept on their toes, unsure of how the characters will react next.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in the scene revolves around the cult members' allegiance to evil versus good, as Lester reveals their true intentions to rule in the name of evil. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs and values, as well as the moral compass of the cult members.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.4

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from humor to disbelief to resignation. The revelation of Lester's identity adds depth to the characters and creates a sense of intrigue and anticipation for the unfolding events.

Dialogue: 8.3

The dialogue effectively conveys the shock, humor, and tension present in the scene. It captures the diverse reactions of the cult members and Lester, enhancing the character interactions and overall atmosphere.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its blend of humor, suspense, and character dynamics. The witty dialogue and unexpected revelations keep the audience invested in the unfolding events, creating a sense of anticipation and intrigue.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively balances moments of tension and humor, maintaining a steady rhythm that keeps the audience engaged. The scene transitions smoothly between dialogue and action, building suspense and revealing important plot points at a compelling pace.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene adheres to the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene descriptions, character cues, and dialogue formatting. The formatting enhances the readability and visual clarity of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a coherent structure that effectively builds tension and reveals key plot points. The dialogue and character interactions flow naturally, maintaining the audience's interest and advancing the narrative.


Critique
  • The scene effectively advances the plot by revealing Lester's true identity and escalating the conflict with the cult's shift towards evil, which ties into the script's overarching themes of identity, control, and the absurd. However, the anagram demonstration feels contrived and overly comedic, potentially undermining the tension of the revelation. As a key twist, it could be more elegantly integrated to maintain dramatic weight and avoid breaking the scene's momentum.
  • Character development is uneven; Lester's confession about his age and deal with the Devil is a pivotal moment that could deepen his character, but it's rushed and lacks buildup, making it feel like an info-dump rather than a natural progression. Similarly, the cult members' reactions are stereotypical and lack nuance, with their quick acceptance of evil coming across as unconvincing and reducing the scene's emotional stakes.
  • Lotte's arc is not fully capitalized on here. Her panic and resignation are important, but they could be more emotionally resonant given her journey in the script. The dialogue feels on-the-nose and expository, with characters stating motivations explicitly rather than showing them through actions or subtext, which diminishes the cinematic quality and engagement for the audience.
  • Pacing is an issue; the scene crams multiple revelations (Lester's identity, the deal with the Devil, and the introduction of Mr. Flemmer) into a short space, which might overwhelm viewers and dilute the impact of each element. This density could confuse the audience, especially in a surreal script like this, where clarity is crucial to maintain the balance between humor and horror.
  • Thematically, the scene reinforces the script's exploration of manipulation and identity theft, but the humor (e.g., the failed anagram) sometimes overshadows the darker undertones, making the tone inconsistent. Additionally, the transition to Mr. Flemmer feels abrupt, and his character introduction lacks depth, serving more as a plot device than a fully realized figure, which could weaken the scene's cohesion with the larger narrative.
Suggestions
  • Refine the anagram sequence to make it more symbolic or tie it directly to Lester's backstory, perhaps using visual cues like old photographs or artifacts to reveal his identity without relying on a clumsy demonstration, enhancing both humor and tension.
  • Develop the cult members' reactions by adding subtext or internal conflict; for example, show a brief debate or facial expressions that convey hesitation, making their acceptance of evil more believable and giving the scene greater emotional depth.
  • Expand Lotte's emotional response with more subtle actions or a short flashback to her earlier experiences, allowing the audience to connect with her resignation on a deeper level and making her exit more impactful.
  • Break up the exposition by intercutting with other storylines or using visual storytelling techniques, such as Lester handling mementos from his past, to reveal information gradually and improve pacing, ensuring the audience isn't overloaded with dialogue.
  • Strengthen the introduction of Mr. Flemmer by giving him a more distinctive entrance or a line that hints at his motivations, and consider trimming some of the denser expository dialogue to focus on key conflicts, helping the scene flow better and align with the script's surreal tone.



Scene 49 -  Liberation and Escape
INT. CRAIG AND LOTTE'S APARTMENT - NIGHT
Lotte site in the living room, in her pajamas, softly sobbing.
The caged animals watch her.
LOTTE
Oh, my friends. Be thankful you're
not human. People are treacherous
and greedy and corrupt. I've lost my
heart to two of them and I almost
lost my soul to another. And I'm no
better. Look at the way I keep you,
locked in cages, for my own enjoyment.
Well, I've been in a cage too, my
friends. Literally and figuratively.
So tonight I set you free.
Lotte opens the windows and the front door, then unlocks all
the cages. The animals scurry and fly out of their cages,
and out of the house. Lotte watches silently until she is
alone.
LOTTE
Good-bye, friends.
A hand reaches for hers. She looks down. Elijah is still
there and holding her hand. She smiles.
LOTTE
Hello, friend.
CUT TO:
EXT. CITY STREET - NIGHT
We see the menagerie of animals on the otherwise deserted
street, dispersing into the night. A lone dark figure turns

the corner, and walks slowly up the street to Craig and
Lotte's building.
CUT TO:
INT. CRAIG AND LOTTE'S APARTMENT - CONTINUOUS
Lotte and Elijah see the dark figure coming up the steps.
The buzzer rings. Lotte and Elijah jump.
LOTTE
They've come to kill me, Elijah.
See, I know too much. I should get
the door. It's impolite to keep death
waiting.
Elijah looks at her sweetly, a great sadness in his eyes.
Then he leads her by the hand out the window.
CUT TO:
Genres: ["Drama","Fantasy"]

Summary In this poignant scene, Lotte sits alone in her apartment, overwhelmed with emotion as she reflects on her disillusionment with humanity and her own role in keeping animals caged. In a symbolic act of liberation, she frees the animals, allowing them to escape while she bids them farewell. Comforted by Elijah, who holds her hand, she faces a growing fear of a dark figure approaching their building. In a moment of panic, Elijah guides Lotte to escape through the window, leaving their fate uncertain.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth of Lotte's character
  • Symbolism of animal liberation
  • Subtle yet impactful interactions
Weaknesses
  • Limited dialogue
  • Minimal external conflict

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys a poignant moment of introspection and release for Lotte, showcasing her emotional depth and growth. The symbolism of freeing the animals adds layers to the narrative, and the interaction with Elijah provides a touching moment of connection.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of using the animals as symbols of freedom and redemption, intertwined with Lotte's personal reflections, is compelling and adds depth to the scene.

Plot: 7.5

While the scene focuses more on character development than plot progression, it serves as a pivotal moment in Lotte's arc, showcasing her emotional transformation and setting the stage for future events.

Originality: 9

The scene demonstrates originality through its poignant exploration of guilt, redemption, and the interconnectedness of human and animal experiences. The authenticity of the characters' emotions and the unconventional resolution add freshness to familiar themes.


Character Development

Characters: 8

Lotte's character is well-developed, with her internal struggles and growth effectively portrayed. The subtle connection with Elijah adds a layer of complexity to her persona.

Character Changes: 8

Lotte undergoes a significant emotional transformation, moving from a state of despair and self-reflection to a moment of liberation and acceptance, showcasing her growth and resilience.

Internal Goal: 9

Lotte's internal goal in this scene is to confront her own inner struggles and find a sense of liberation from her emotional burdens. Her actions of releasing the caged animals represent her desire for freedom and redemption from past mistakes and regrets.

External Goal: 7

Lotte's external goal is to face a potential threat or danger represented by the dark figure approaching her apartment. This goal reflects the immediate challenge of dealing with a perceived threat to her safety and well-being.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 3

The scene focuses more on internal conflict and emotional resolution rather than external conflicts, emphasizing Lotte's personal struggles and growth.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create suspense and uncertainty, particularly with the arrival of the dark figure and Lotte's ominous dialogue. The audience is left wondering about the impending conflict.

High Stakes: 4

The stakes are more internal and emotional in this scene, focusing on Lotte's personal journey and inner conflicts rather than external threats or conflicts.

Story Forward: 6

While the scene does not significantly advance the main plot, it serves as a crucial moment in Lotte's character development, laying the foundation for future events and interactions.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected actions taken by Lotte, such as releasing the caged animals and confronting the dark figure. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of the outcome.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around themes of guilt, redemption, and the nature of humanity. Lotte's dialogue about human treachery and her own shortcomings challenges the audience to reflect on moral complexities and the capacity for change.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes a strong emotional response through Lotte's poignant act of freeing the animals and her introspective dialogue, creating a sense of empathy and connection with her character.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is minimal but impactful, reflecting Lotte's introspective mood and emotional state. It effectively conveys her inner turmoil and sense of liberation.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its emotional intensity, symbolic imagery, and the suspenseful build-up towards a potential confrontation. The audience is drawn into Lotte's internal struggles and the unfolding events.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and emotional resonance, creating a sense of urgency and introspection. The rhythm of the dialogue and actions enhances the scene's impact.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting adheres to the expected format for its genre, effectively conveying the emotional beats and character dynamics. The scene directions and dialogue are clear and evocative.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a non-linear structure that effectively builds tension and emotional depth. The pacing and transitions contribute to the scene's atmospheric quality and thematic resonance.


Critique
  • The scene effectively uses Lotte's monologue to delve into her character development, showcasing her emotional arc from naivety to disillusionment. This moment of introspection allows the audience to understand her growth throughout the script, particularly her experiences with the cult and her relationships, making it a poignant character beat. However, the monologue risks feeling overly expository, as it directly states Lotte's realizations about humanity and her own flaws, which could be shown more subtly through visual cues or actions to maintain engagement and avoid telling rather than showing.
  • Symbolism is a strong element here, with Lotte freeing the animals representing her desire for personal liberation and critiquing her past actions, which ties into the film's themes of control and identity. This visual metaphor is cinematic and memorable, but it might come across as heavy-handed in a script already rich with surreal elements, potentially overwhelming the audience or diluting the impact if not balanced with lighter moments. Additionally, the abrupt shift to the dark figure's approach introduces suspense, but it lacks buildup, making the transition feel rushed and lessening the tension that could have been amplified with foreshadowing.
  • Elijah's role as a comforting presence adds emotional depth and a touch of humanity to the scene, humanizing the animal characters in a way that reinforces the script's blend of absurdity and sincerity. His actions, like holding Lotte's hand and leading her to safety, are touching and underscore his intelligence, but in a story with fantastical elements, this might stretch credibility if not clearly established earlier. The scene's ending with their escape out the window creates a cliffhanger that heightens stakes, yet it could benefit from more nuanced interaction between Lotte and Elijah to make their bond feel earned and less reliant on Elijah's unexplained perceptiveness.
  • The tone shifts from melancholic reflection to sudden peril, which mirrors the chaotic nature of the overall script, but it may disrupt the pacing in this specific scene. At 60 scenes into the script, this moment serves as a quiet interlude before potential action, but the dialogue, particularly Lotte's line about 'keeping death waiting,' veers into melodrama, which could clash with the film's dark humor if not toned down. Visually, the animal exodus is evocative, but the cuts between interior and exterior feel disjointed, potentially confusing viewers about the spatial relationships and reducing the scene's immersive quality.
  • In terms of plot integration, this scene advances Lotte's subplot and builds on the threat from the cult (as established in scene 48), effectively raising the stakes for her character. However, it feels somewhat isolated from the main Malkovich-Craig conflict, which dominates the latter half of the script. This could make the scene feel like a detour if not connected more explicitly to the larger narrative, such as referencing the cult's plans or Craig's actions to maintain thematic continuity. Overall, while the scene captures Lotte's vulnerability and the script's emotional core, it could refine its execution to better align with the surreal, fast-paced style of the film.
Suggestions
  • Shorten Lotte's monologue to focus on key emotional beats, incorporating more action—like her hesitating before unlocking cages or interacting with specific animals—to show her internal conflict rather than relying solely on dialogue, making it more dynamic and engaging.
  • Add subtle foreshadowing to the dark figure's approach, such as distant sounds or shadows visible through the window earlier in the scene, to build suspense and create a smoother transition from the reflective opening to the tense escape.
  • Enhance Elijah's character moments by including brief flashbacks or references to his established intelligence (e.g., from earlier scenes with his ulcer or therapy), ensuring his supportive actions feel organic and deepening the emotional payoff of their relationship.
  • Incorporate a hint of the script's dark humor, perhaps through a ironic animal reaction or a witty line from Lotte, to maintain tone consistency and prevent the scene from becoming too somber, balancing the drama with the film's overall absurdity.
  • Strengthen plot connections by having Lotte reference the cult's threats or Craig's influence in her monologue, tying her personal crisis more directly to the main storyline and reinforcing the theme of control without overloading the scene with exposition.



Scene 50 -  The Magical Performance of John Malkovich
EXT. VEGAS HOTEL - NIGHT
The marquee reads: World's Greatest Puppeteer Craig Schwartz
and his Magical Puppet John Malkovich.
CUT TO:
INT. DRESSING ROOM - NIGHT
Malkovich sits in a tuxedo and watches himself in the dressing
table mirror. Maxine, in a tight black number, reclines on
the couch.
MAXINE
This is it, lover. You're stepping
onto that stage a nobody and presto-
change-o, you're coming back the
greatest puppeteer the world has
ever seen.
MALKOVICH
I'm nervous. Malkovich is fighting
me hard today.
Malkovich jerks a bit, gets it under control.
MAXINE
Doesn't he know how important tonight
is to us?
MALKOVICH
He's a selfish bastard.
CUT TO:

INT. LAS VEGAS THEATER - NIGHT
The house is filling with formally dressed audience members.
The cultists and Lester, also in tuxes and gowns, are among
them. The lights go down.
ANNOUNCER (O.S.)
Ladies and gentlemen, it is the great
privilege of the Luxor hotel and
Casino to present Craig Schwartz and
his magical puppet John Malkovich.
The orchestra starts up. The curtains part.
LESTER
Blasphemous bastard.
Malkovich tap dances out onto the stage. He is amazingly
nimble and the audience "oohs" and "aahs."
LESTER
(grudgingly)
Pretty good though.
Malkovich does an amazing triple somersault, lands on one
knee and, with spread arms, begins singing: "Kiss Today
Goodbye." in a beautiful tenor. The orchestra catches up
with him. The audience goes wild. A pretty-boy young man
with a big tousle of black hair and a shiny, tight suit
appears at the back of the house. An usher glances over at
him.
USHER
Oh, Mr. Mantini! We weren't expecting
you tonight, sir. Um, I'm afraid
there's not an empty seat in the
entire house.
MANTINI
(not taking his eyes
from the stage)
Make one empty.
USHER
Y-y-y-es sir.
The usher looks nervously around for someone to boot. Martini
waits in the back. On stage, Malkovich is now performing the
"back of the car scene" from "On The Waterfront." He
alternates between the Marlon Brando part and the Rod Steiger
part, moving back and forth from one stool to the another.
He performs it magnificently. We see Lester in the audience
wiping a small tear from his eye.

LESTER
Not too shabby.
Mantini is now sitting in a good aisle seat next to a
beautiful woman. Her boyfriend is being hauled toward the
exit by the usher. The beautiful woman watches, with some
concern, as the boyfriend is taken away. Then she turns and
smiles flirtatiously at Mantini. Mantini smiles back. On
stage Malkovich is dressed in a ringmaster's outfit and
juggling chainsaws.
MANTINI
Nothing more than a Goddamn clown.
At this point the entire audience stands and gives Malkovich
a spontaneous standing ovation. All except Mantini. Even the
cultists get up.
CUT TO:
Genres: ["Comedy","Drama"]

Summary In a Las Vegas hotel, John Malkovich, under the control of puppeteer Craig Schwartz, prepares nervously for a performance while Maxine encourages him. The audience, including critics and cultists, fills the theater as Malkovich impressively tap dances and sings, earning mixed reactions. While Lester begrudgingly admires the act, Mantini remains critical and causes tension by demanding a seat. Malkovich showcases his talent through various performances, culminating in a standing ovation from the audience, except for the unyielding Mantini.
Strengths
  • Strong emotional depth
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Complex character interactions
Weaknesses
  • Potential confusion with multiple character perspectives

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.7

The scene is well-structured, with a mix of comedy and drama that keeps the audience engaged. The execution is strong, especially in portraying the emotional turmoil of the characters. The concept of puppeteering and manipulation adds depth to the plot.


Story Content

Concept: 8.6

The concept of puppeteering and manipulation is intriguing and adds layers to the narrative. It explores themes of control, identity, and the consequences of fame.

Plot: 8.7

The plot is engaging, with a focus on the conflict between characters and the manipulation of John Malkovich. It moves the story forward while delving into the emotional complexities of the situation.

Originality: 8.5

The scene introduces a fresh perspective on the world of puppeteering and performance art, blending elements of comedy and drama in a unique way. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and engaging.


Character Development

Characters: 8.8

The characters are well-developed, each with their own motivations and conflicts. The dialogue reflects their personalities and adds depth to their interactions.

Character Changes: 9

The characters undergo subtle changes, especially in their relationships and perceptions of each other. These changes contribute to the evolving dynamics within the scene.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to overcome his nerves and self-doubt to deliver a successful performance. This reflects his need for validation, recognition, and mastery in his craft.

External Goal: 7.5

The protagonist's external goal is to impress the audience and prove his talent as a puppeteer. This goal is driven by the immediate challenge of performing in front of a critical audience.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8.9

The conflict is intense, with high stakes and emotional repercussions for the characters. It drives the narrative forward and keeps the audience engaged.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicts arising from internal doubts, external pressures, and unexpected reactions from other characters, creating obstacles for the protagonist to overcome.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high, with the characters' reputations, relationships, and identities on the line. The outcome of the puppeteering performance has significant consequences for all involved.

Story Forward: 9

The scene effectively moves the story forward by introducing new conflicts, deepening character relationships, and setting the stage for future developments.

Unpredictability: 7.5

This scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected reactions of the characters, such as Mantini's disdain and the audience's standing ovation, creating tension and intrigue.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict revolves around the protagonist's struggle with his own identity and the expectations placed upon him by others. It challenges his beliefs about success, selfishness, and the nature of performance art.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.8

The scene has a significant emotional impact, especially in portraying the struggles and vulnerabilities of the characters. It evokes empathy and adds depth to the storytelling.

Dialogue: 8.6

The dialogue is witty, emotional, and reflective of the characters' inner struggles. It drives the scene forward and reveals the dynamics between the characters.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its blend of tension, humor, and spectacle, keeping the audience invested in the protagonist's performance and personal struggles.

Pacing: 8.5

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and excitement, leading up to the climactic performance moment while balancing character interactions and reactions.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting adheres to the conventions of screenplay format, effectively conveying the visual and auditory elements of the performance.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a theatrical performance sequence, with a buildup of tension, a climactic performance moment, and a resolution that sets up future developments.


Critique
  • This scene effectively captures the absurd, surreal humor of the screenplay by showcasing Craig's control over Malkovich in a high-stakes performance, which aligns with the film's overarching themes of identity, control, and obsession. The visual elements, such as Malkovich's tap dancing, somersaults, and impressions, are vividly described, making it easy for readers to imagine the spectacle and reinforcing the puppeteering motif that runs throughout the script. However, the introduction of Derek Mantini as a rival feels abrupt and underdeveloped; while it adds immediate conflict, it lacks sufficient foreshadowing from earlier scenes, making his presence seem like a convenient plot device rather than a natural escalation. This could weaken the audience's emotional investment, as Mantini's character is not given enough depth or backstory to make his criticism ('Nothing more than a Goddamn clown') feel earned or impactful. Additionally, the scene's pacing is uneven— it rushes through Malkovich's performance highlights without lingering on key emotional beats, such as Craig's internal struggle or Maxine's stake in the outcome, which might leave viewers feeling that the moment lacks the personal resonance it deserves in a story about transformation and loss of self. The audience reactions, including Lester's grudging admiration and the standing ovation, are well-handled to build tension and contrast opinions, but they could be more varied to reflect the script's satirical edge, perhaps by including dissenting voices beyond Mantini to heighten the stakes. Overall, while the scene advances the plot toward the climax and maintains the film's comedic tone, it prioritizes spectacle over character depth, potentially missing an opportunity to deepen the exploration of Craig's hubris and its consequences in the larger narrative.
  • One strength of this scene is its use of visual comedy and staging, such as the usher awkwardly removing a patron to make room for Mantini, which adds a layer of absurdity that fits the film's style. However, the dialogue feels somewhat functional and expository, with lines like 'Blasphemous bastard' and 'Not too shabby' serving to convey character attitudes but lacking subtlety or wit that could elevate the humor. For instance, Lester's shift from disdain to reluctant appreciation could be explored through more nuanced interactions, perhaps with internal thoughts or subtle physical cues, to make his arc in this moment more compelling. Similarly, the interaction between Mantini and the beautiful woman in the audience introduces a flirtatious subplot that feels underdeveloped and tangential, distracting from the main focus without contributing significantly to the story's themes. The scene also relies heavily on Malkovich's performance to drive the energy, but it doesn't fully capitalize on the irony of Craig puppeteering a human being in a public setting, which could be amplified by contrasting it with Craig's earlier, more intimate puppet shows. This might make the scene feel like a highlight reel rather than a cohesive narrative beat, and in the context of being scene 50 in a 60-scene script, it could benefit from stronger ties to the building climax, such as referencing the cult's threat or Lotte's absence to heighten urgency. Finally, the ending with the standing ovation and Mantini's isolation effectively sets up future conflict, but it could be more emotionally charged by showing Craig's (through Malkovich) reaction to the applause, helping to humanize his descent into megalomania.
Suggestions
  • Foreshadow Mantini's rivalry earlier in the script, perhaps by having Craig mention him in passing or showing a news clipping about his performances, to make his appearance in this scene feel more organic and build anticipation.
  • Add more internal monologue or voice-over for Malkovich/Craig during the performance to reveal his thoughts and emotions, deepening the character's arc and making the audience care more about his success or failure.
  • Refine the dialogue to be sharper and more character-specific; for example, give Mantini a signature phrase or backstory reference that ties into his jealousy, making his criticism more personal and impactful.
  • Slow down the pacing in key moments of the performance by focusing on fewer, more symbolic acts that tie back to earlier scenes, such as referencing Craig's garage puppet shows, to create thematic continuity and emotional depth.
  • Enhance Maxine's role by giving her a more active reaction to the performance, such as her expressing quiet concern or ambition, to strengthen her character development and the romantic tension with Craig.
  • Incorporate subtle nods to the larger conflicts, like a cult member in the audience whispering about their plans or a visual cue of Lotte's absence, to better integrate this scene into the escalating narrative and maintain suspense.



Scene 51 -  Despair and Strategy
INT. SEWER - NIGHT
Lotte sits sadly in the wet tunnel. She is scrunched-up
against the damp cold. A small fire smolders in front of
her. We hear footsteps approaching. It is Elijah, carrying
supplies: food and blankets. He covers her with a blanket
and sits down next to her.
LOTTE
They're going to take over the world,
Elijah. Evil will reign. But, then,
evil already reigns, doesn't it? So
what difference does it make if John
Malkovich is wearing the fucking
crown while it's reigning?
Elijah sighs, then holds his stomach. The ulcer is returning.
CUT TO:
INT. FLEMMER'S APARTMENT - DAY
It's a conservatively furnished upper westside apartment.
Looks like it belongs to a Columbia professor. The walls are
lined with books. Mr. Flemmer sits at his desk, his head in
his hands, deep in thought. The doorbell rings.
FLEMMER
It's open.
The door opens and Lester pokes his head in.
LESTER
It's just me, boss. I brought
croissants.

Lester enters with a greasy white paper bag.
FLEMMER
Have a seat. I wracking my brain
over this Malkovich thing.
LESTER
We saw his show at the Luxor last
night.
FLEMMER
(impressed)
Vegas? What'd you think?
LESTER
The kid's got talent. You've never
seen Malkovich like this. Schwartz
had him up there singing and dancing.
Impressions.
FLEMMER
Impressions? Those are hard.
LESTER
Very talented son of a bitch. Too
bad we can't kill him.
FLEMMER
I suppose I could come to him in a
dream. I don't know. That's the best
I can think of right now.
LESTER
A scary dream?
FLEMMER
No, a sexy dream. Of course, a scary
dream.
LESTER
(noncommittally)
I like that.
CUT TO:
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In a somber sewer scene, Lotte expresses her hopelessness about the world's evil while Elijah provides comfort despite his own physical pain. The scene shifts to Mr. Flemmer's apartment, where he and Lester discuss John Malkovich's recent performance and brainstorm strategies to counter him, including the idea of a scary dream. The contrasting settings highlight Lotte's despair and Flemmer's strategic plotting.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth of characters
  • Tension and suspense building
  • Complex thematic exploration
Weaknesses
  • Potential for confusion due to complex plot elements

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively delves into the emotional depths of the characters, creating a tense and introspective atmosphere. The dialogue and character interactions are compelling, driving the narrative forward with a sense of impending doom.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of power struggles, manipulation, and existential crises is intriguing and well-developed. The scene effectively conveys the complexities of the characters' internal struggles.

Plot: 8.5

The plot progression is engaging, with significant developments in character relationships and the overarching conflict. The scene adds depth to the narrative and sets the stage for future events.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on the struggle against evil, incorporating elements of humor and introspection. The characters' dialogue feels authentic and adds depth to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are richly portrayed, with complex motivations and emotional arcs. Their interactions drive the scene forward and add layers of depth to the story.

Character Changes: 8

The characters undergo significant emotional shifts and revelations, particularly Lotte, whose disillusionment and resolve to break free are central to the scene.

Internal Goal: 8

Lotte's internal goal in this scene is to grapple with the concept of evil and its influence on the world. Her dialogue reflects her deeper need for understanding and her fear of the power of evil.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is not explicitly stated in this scene, but it seems to revolve around dealing with the threat posed by John Malkovich and finding a way to stop him.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict is palpable, with emotional stakes running high. The power struggles and internal battles heighten the tension and drive the scene forward.

Opposition: 7.5

The opposition in the scene is subtle but present, with the characters facing internal conflicts and external threats that add complexity to the narrative.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high, with characters facing internal and external threats that could have far-reaching consequences. The tension is palpable, adding urgency to the scene.

Story Forward: 9

The scene propels the story forward by deepening character dynamics, introducing new conflicts, and setting the stage for future events. It adds layers of complexity to the narrative.

Unpredictability: 7.5

The scene is unpredictable in its exploration of moral dilemmas and the characters' responses to impending threats, keeping the audience on edge.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the nature of evil and the moral implications of taking action against it. Lotte questions the significance of who holds power in a world already tainted by evil.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes a strong emotional response from the audience, delving into themes of despair, fear, and disillusionment. The characters' struggles resonate deeply, creating a poignant atmosphere.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is impactful, revealing the characters' inner turmoil and building tension effectively. It adds depth to the scene and enhances the emotional impact.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its blend of suspense, dark humor, and philosophical dialogue that keeps the audience intrigued and invested in the characters' dilemmas.

Pacing: 8

The pacing effectively builds tension and allows for moments of introspection, enhancing the emotional impact of the scene.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting adheres to standard screenplay conventions, making the scene easy to follow and visualize.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a traditional structure for a dramatic moment, effectively building tension and setting up character dynamics.


Critique
  • The scene effectively contrasts Lotte's personal despair in the sewer with the strategic plotting in Flemmer's apartment, highlighting the thematic elements of isolation, control, and the absurdity of evil in the story. However, the abrupt cut between these two locations feels disjointed, potentially disrupting the narrative flow and making it hard for the audience to emotionally invest in both segments without a stronger transitional device. This could be improved by ensuring that the shift serves a clearer purpose in advancing the plot or character development, as the sewer scene focuses on Lotte's internal conflict while the apartment scene shifts to external scheming, which might alienate viewers if not handled with more cohesion.
  • Lotte's monologue in the sewer is a strong moment of character exposition, revealing her disillusionment and tying into the film's themes of identity and power. That said, the dialogue can come across as overly expository and didactic, with lines like 'evil already reigns, doesn't it?' feeling a bit on-the-nose and less nuanced. This risks reducing Lotte's emotional depth, as it tells rather than shows her state of mind, and could benefit from more subtle integration through actions, facial expressions, or interactions with Elijah to make her turmoil more visceral and engaging for the audience.
  • Elijah's non-verbal role is a clever use of the character's established traits, such as his ulcer, to convey empathy and shared suffering, adding a layer of pathos. However, as a monkey character, his actions might confuse viewers if not clearly directed or contextualized, especially in a scene with minimal dialogue. The return of the ulcer is a good callback, but it could be more impactful if tied to visual or symbolic elements that reinforce the story's surreal tone, rather than feeling like a repetitive gag. Additionally, the cut to Flemmer's apartment introduces important plot points but lacks emotional stakes, making the conversation between Flemmer and Lester feel functional rather than dramatic, which diminishes the scene's overall tension.
  • The setting changes are visually evocative—the damp, cold sewer versus the intellectual, book-lined apartment—but they could be utilized more effectively to build atmosphere and symbolism. For instance, the sewer represents Lotte's descent into despair and marginalization, while Flemmer's apartment signifies calculated intellect and privilege, yet these contrasts aren't fully exploited to heighten the scene's thematic resonance. This might leave the audience with a sense of missed opportunity for deeper visual storytelling, especially in a screenplay that relies heavily on surreal elements.
  • Overall, the scene serves as a necessary breather after the high-energy performance in Scene 50, allowing for reflection and planning, but it risks feeling slow or inconsequential in comparison. The tone shifts from melancholic introspection to casual banter, which can work to underscore the script's absurdity, but it may not maintain the momentum needed to keep viewers engaged, particularly since the stakes are high in the surrounding scenes. This could be addressed by ensuring that each moment builds toward a clearer climax or revelation, making the scene more integral to the story's progression rather than a transitional interlude.
Suggestions
  • To improve the transition between the sewer and apartment settings, consider adding a brief auditory or visual link, such as a sound bridge (e.g., the echo of Lotte's voice fading into the ring of a doorbell) or a narrative device like a shared motif (e.g., a reference to Malkovich) to make the cut feel less abrupt and more purposeful.
  • Refine Lotte's monologue by breaking it up with more action and reaction shots—perhaps intercutting her words with close-ups of Elijah's expressions or the flickering fire—to make it more dynamic and less expository. This would show her emotional state through performance rather than dialogue alone, enhancing audience empathy and aligning with screenwriting best practices for visual storytelling.
  • Enhance Elijah's character moments by incorporating more specific, meaningful actions that convey his intelligence and bond with Lotte, such as him signing a simple phrase or reacting in a way that foreshadows future events. This could add depth and humor while clarifying his role for the audience.
  • For the apartment scene, inject more conflict or subtext into the dialogue between Flemmer and Lester to heighten tension—perhaps by having Flemmer show physical signs of frustration or Lester question the plan subtly, making their conversation more engaging and less straightforward.
  • Consider tightening the overall pacing by reducing redundant lines or combining elements from adjacent scenes if possible, ensuring that the scene advances the plot efficiently while maintaining its thematic weight. Additionally, add more sensory details to the settings to immerse the audience, such as describing the smell of the sewer or the clutter in Flemmer's apartment, to make the scene more vivid and cinematic.



Scene 52 -  Nightmares and Rivalries
INT. HOTEL SUITE - NIGHT
Malkovich sits on the floor in silk pajamas. He is surrounded
by newspaper clippings. He is drinking champagne from the
bottle. Maxine is at a dressing table, brushing her hair.
MALKOVICH
They love me, darling! "Craig Schwartz
is fantastic!"

MALKOVICH
The New York Times. "If only Craig
Schwartz had always been inside
Malkovich!" Women's Wear Daily.
"Craig Schwartz - The world's greatest
puppeteer!" Paul Wunder, WBAI Radio.
MAXINE
Oh, darling. It's a dream come true.
We're going to ride this straight to
the top.
MALKOVICH
Sleepy suddenly.
MAXINE
Busy day, my little fire chief. Why
don't you climb into bed, and I'll
meet you there in just...
But Malkovich is already passed out on the floor on top of
his clippings. Maxine smiles maternally, gets up and puts
blanket over him. We stay on Malkovich's face.
DISSOLVE TO:
INT. HELL - NIGHT
Craig wanders across a jagged, rocky landscape. Geysers of
flame shoot up around him. The sky is red. He is frightened.
He arrives at a desk. The man behind the desk is facing away
from him. He swivels to face Craig. It is Flemmer, looking
the same as usual except for little red horns and a sinister
grin.
CRAIG
Who are you?
FLEMMER
I am the Devil.
CRAIG
Oh.
FLEMMER
Leave Malkovich. He is mine.
CRAIG
Okay. Sorry. I didn't know.
CUT TO:
INT. HOTEL SUITE - CONTINUOUS
Malkovich awakes with a start. Maxine looks over at him.

MAXINE
Bad dream, darling?
MALKOVICH
I've got to leave Malkovich.
MAXINE
You've got to be kidding.
MALKOVICH
I just had the most horrifying
nightmare. The devil was in it.
Flemmer crouches behind a bureau and listens. He is pleased
with himself.
MAXINE
Malkovich is our meal ticket. You
can't back out because of some stupid
dream.
FLEMMER
(to himself)
Shit.
MALKOVICH
Honey, we can be happy and poor
together.
MAXINE
(laughs derisively)
Perhaps you'll want to consult that
Ouija board again.
There is a knock at the door. Maxine opens it, angry.
MAXINE
Yeah what?!
MALKOVICH
Derek Mantini!
Mantini enters. Maxine is suddenly interested. Mantini and
Maxine give each other the once over.
MANTINI
(still eyeing Maxine)
Hello, Schwartz. I saw your show.
MALKOVICH
Did you see the reviews?
MANTINI
Yeah, I saw them

MALKOVICH
Because if you missed any, I just
happen to have copies here you can
take with you when you leave now.
MAXINE
I'm Maxine. I produced the evening
with Malkovich.
MANTINI
Very impressive. I could use a
producer with your vision. And other
outstanding attributes.
MALKOVICH
She's not available.
MANTINI
We'll see, Schwartz. We'll see.
MAXINE
Yeah, we'll see, Schwartz. We'll
see.
MANTINI
I won't waste your time Schwartz, or
more importantly, mine. Here's my
proposal: There's only room in this
world for one "World's Greatest
Puppeteer." Correct? So let's allow
the puppet-going public to crown
their king.
MALKOVICH
How do we do that?
MANTINI
A friendly competition, if you will.
Your Malkovich puppet and my Harry
S. Truman puppet appear opposite
each other in a play. Not some Vegas
Burly-Q pyrotechnics, but a real
play that requires actual acting.
The audience decides who is more
deserving of the title. The losing
puppeteer bows out graciously. Goes
back to obscurity as a file clerk.
MALKOVICH
What's the play?
MANTINI
Say... "Equus"? It's got everything.

MALKOVICH
Never heard of it.
MANTINI
Broadway's finest three hours. It's
about the suppression of the
individual. Conformity as God in
modern society.
MALKOVICH
Sounds boring. Are there any songs?
MANTINI
Nothing but acting to hide behind,
buddy-boy.
MALKOVICH
I'm not afraid. I toured for a year
with the National Puppet Company's
production of "Long Day's Journey
Into Night."
MANTINI
Great then.
MALKOVICH
Is there dancing?
MANTINI
No.
MALKOVICH
Who needs dancing?
CUT TO:
Genres: ["Drama","Comedy"]

Summary In a hotel suite, John Malkovich, possessed by Craig Schwartz, revels in praise for his puppeteering while Maxine supports him. After a nightmarish dream featuring Flemmer as the Devil urging Craig to leave Malkovich, he awakens fearful but is reassured by Maxine, who prioritizes their fame. The tension escalates with the arrival of Derek Mantini, who proposes a competitive puppet showdown, introducing rivalry and flirtation, leaving Malkovich intrigued yet hesitant.
Strengths
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Character dynamics
  • Tension building
Weaknesses
  • Potential lack of clarity on Flemmer's role

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene is engaging with a mix of tension, humor, and character dynamics. It introduces new conflicts and sets up potential developments.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of dreams, deals, and the introduction of a competitive challenge adds depth to the scene, setting up future conflicts and character arcs.

Plot: 8.5

The plot progresses with Malkovich's internal conflict and the external proposition by Mantini, adding layers to the story and setting up potential confrontations.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces original elements through the surreal transition to Hell, the competitive puppeteer proposal, and the blend of humor with darker themes. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and engaging.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-developed, with Malkovich's internal struggle, Maxine's manipulative nature, and Mantini's competitive spirit adding complexity to the scene.

Character Changes: 7

Malkovich experiences internal conflict and a realization about his situation, setting the stage for potential character growth and change.

Internal Goal: 8

Malkovich's internal goal in this scene is to confront his fears and desires, as indicated by his nightmare about the Devil and his subsequent decision to leave Malkovich.

External Goal: 9

The protagonist's external goal is to navigate a competitive proposal from Mantini, involving a puppeteer showdown to determine the 'World's Greatest Puppeteer.'


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflicts between Malkovich's dreams and fears, Maxine's manipulations, and Mantini's competitive challenge create tension and drive the scene forward.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting desires, external pressures, and unexpected proposals creating obstacles for the protagonist and driving the narrative forward.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are raised with Malkovich's internal struggle, the proposition by Mantini, and the potential consequences of his decisions, adding urgency and tension to the scene.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by introducing new conflicts, character dynamics, and potential plot developments, keeping the audience invested in the narrative progression.

Unpredictability: 8.5

The scene is unpredictable due to the sudden transition to Hell, Malkovich's nightmare, and the competitive proposal, introducing unexpected twists that challenge the characters and audience.

Philosophical Conflict: 7.5

The philosophical conflict revolves around the themes of individuality, conformity, and ambition. It challenges Malkovich's beliefs about success and the sacrifices he may need to make.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a range of emotions from anxiety to amusement, keeping the audience emotionally engaged with the characters and their dilemmas.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is sharp, reflecting the tensions and dynamics between the characters, especially in the interactions between Malkovich, Maxine, and Mantini.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its blend of humor, tension, and unexpected developments, keeping the audience intrigued by the characters' interactions and the unfolding narrative.

Pacing: 8.5

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, alternating between moments of introspection and external conflict, maintaining a dynamic flow that enhances the scene's impact.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8.5

The formatting adheres to the expected format for the genre, with clear scene descriptions, character actions, and dialogue cues that enhance readability and visualization.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a coherent structure, transitioning smoothly between Malkovich's internal conflict and the external proposal, maintaining a good pace and rhythm.


Critique
  • The scene effectively maintains the film's surreal and comedic tone by blending dream sequences with real-world conflicts, such as the hellish dream where Flemmer appears as the Devil, which humorously underscores the theme of possession and control. However, this dream element might feel somewhat predictable given the story's frequent use of supernatural interventions, potentially diluting the impact if similar devices have been overused in prior scenes. It serves to advance the plot by introducing doubt in Malkovich/Craig about continuing the possession, but the resolution—Maxine's quick dismissal—underscores a recurring issue in the screenplay where female characters like Maxine are often portrayed as manipulative enablers, which could reinforce gender stereotypes and limit character depth.
  • Dialogue in the scene is sharp and witty, particularly in exchanges involving Mantini, which heightens tension and sets up a compelling conflict for future scenes. However, some lines, such as Malkovich's excited reading of reviews, come across as overly expository and self-congratulatory, which might break immersion by telling rather than showing the characters' success. Additionally, the flirtation between Mantini and Maxine feels somewhat gratuitous and could distract from the core conflict, making the scene feel crowded with subplots that aren't fully integrated, especially when contrasted with the immediate aftermath of Scene 51, where Lotte's despair and the cult's machinations are left hanging.
  • Visually, the dissolve transitions and the hell landscape are evocative and fit the film's style, helping to convey Craig's internal turmoil. Yet, Flemmer's hidden presence in the hotel suite adds a layer of spy-like intrigue that isn't fully paid off within the scene, as his frustration is muttered to himself without advancing the plot significantly. This could confuse viewers who are not deeply familiar with Flemmer's role from earlier scenes, potentially weakening the scene's coherence in the broader narrative arc. Furthermore, the scene's ending with the puppet competition proposal is a strong hook, but it might benefit from more buildup to make Mantini's entrance less abrupt and more thematically connected to Craig's origins as a puppeteer.
  • Character motivations are generally clear, with Malkovich/Craig's excitement about fame contrasting Maxine's pragmatic ambition, but the dream sequence's influence on Malkovich's decision to leave feels underdeveloped. It hints at moral conflict but resolves too easily through Maxine's persuasion, which could make Craig's arc seem less dynamic and more reactive. In the context of the entire script, this scene highlights the escalating absurdity, but it risks feeling like a placeholder for bigger confrontations, especially since the cult subplot from Scene 48 and Lotte's escape in Scene 49 are not referenced, creating a sense of disconnection that might alienate viewers tracking multiple threads.
  • Thematically, the scene reinforces ideas of identity theft and the cost of fame, with Malkovich's possession symbolizing broader commentary on performance and authenticity in the entertainment industry. However, the humor occasionally overshadows deeper emotional stakes, such as Craig's potential regret, which is only superficially explored. This could be an opportunity to deepen the critique of puppeteering as a metaphor for control, but the scene prioritizes spectacle over introspection, which might leave readers or viewers wanting more nuance in how characters grapple with their actions.
Suggestions
  • To improve the dream sequence, add more personal elements tied to Craig's backstory, such as references to his failed puppeteering career or Lotte's influence, to make it feel more integral to his character development and less like a generic nightmare. This could enhance emotional resonance and provide clearer motivation for his brief desire to leave Malkovich.
  • Refine the dialogue to reduce exposition; for example, instead of Malkovich directly quoting reviews, show him reacting to them visually or through subtext, allowing the audience to infer his excitement. Additionally, build more tension in Mantini's entrance by foreshadowing his rivalry earlier in the act or through a brief flashback, ensuring his proposal feels like a natural escalation rather than a sudden introduction.
  • Strengthen the integration with previous scenes by including a subtle nod to the cult's threats or Lotte's situation, perhaps through Craig's internal monologue or a newspaper headline in the suite, to maintain narrative continuity and remind viewers of the larger stakes involving the Malkovichians and Lotte's rebellion.
  • Enhance character depth by giving Maxine more agency beyond manipulation; for instance, explore her own ambitions or fears in a short exchange, making her less of a one-dimensional figure and adding layers to her relationship with Craig/Malkovich. This could involve her questioning the sustainability of their plan, creating a more balanced dynamic.
  • Adjust pacing by extending the moment after Malkovich wakes from the dream to allow for a brief, introspective pause, emphasizing the psychological toll of possession. This would build suspense before Mantini's arrival and make the scene's transitions feel less rushed, improving overall flow and emotional impact.



Scene 53 -  Plant Care and Puppet Plans
INT. FLEMMER'S APARTMENT - DAY
Lester is watering Flemmer's plants. A key is heard in the
door. Flemmer enters, a small carry-on bag slung over his
shoulder.
LESTER
How'd it go? Did you say the
philodendron gets water or no?
FLEMMER
No, for God's sake, I just watered
it yesterday.
(beat)
It almost went well. I gave a pretty
good dream, but circumstances arose.
LESTER
What kind of circumstances?

FLEMMER
Maxine says she'll leave him if he
leaves Malkovich, plus he's been
challenged to a puppet-duel by
Mantini.
LESTER
The Great Mantini?
FLEMMER
No, the Mediocre Mantini. Of course
the Great Mantini!
LESTER
Oh, he's good! Great, actually. I
saw him do "Tru" with his sixty foot
Robert Morse puppet. Sensational.
FLEMMER
But I think I have another plan.
LESTER
(snippy)
Do tell. I love a good plan.
FLEMMER
Why are you being like this?
Lester shrugs.
LESTER
I missed you. I'm sorry. Tell me the
plan.
FLEMMER
Well, if Mantini wins, Schwartz will
leave Malkovich, right? So, if he
needs it, I help Mantini's performance
a bit, give him an edge. Spice up
the show.
LESTER
Can you do that? I mean, do you know
anything about puppetry?
FLEMMER
I am the Devil, Lester. I think I
can handle it.
LESTER
I was just asking. No disrespect
intended.
FLEMMER
Fine. Let's drop it.

LESTER
Fine. I mean, it's not like I was
doubting you, it's just that I know
puppetry is a skill that takes a
long time to acquire.
FLEMMER
Fine. I'm not mad. Let's just drop
it.
LESTER
Fine. Your mail's on the kitchen
table. Mostly junk. Oh, there's a
letter from Alex Trebek.
CUT TO:
Genres: ["Drama","Comedy"]

Summary In Flemmer's apartment, Lester waters plants and asks about Flemmer's recent trip. Flemmer, irritated, shares that his plan was thwarted by Maxine's ultimatum and a challenge from the Great Mantini. Lester admires Mantini but doubts Flemmer's puppetry skills, leading to a brief conflict that resolves with apologies and mutual affection. The scene ends with Lester mentioning Flemmer's mail, including a letter from Alex Trebek.
Strengths
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Intriguing plot development
  • Humorous tone
Weaknesses
  • Limited emotional depth
  • Lack of significant character development

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene is well-structured, engaging, and introduces a new plot development with humor and tension, making it a compelling segment.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of using dreams and puppetry to influence events is intriguing and adds depth to the storyline.

Plot: 8.5

The plot thickens with the introduction of a new plan involving puppetry and dreams, adding complexity and intrigue to the narrative.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces fresh and unconventional elements such as a puppet-duel and interactions with the Devil, adding a unique twist to the narrative. The characters' dialogue feels authentic and engaging, contributing to the scene's originality.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters of Lester and Flemmer are well-developed and their interactions add depth to the scene, showcasing their personalities and motivations.

Character Changes: 8

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, it sets the stage for potential shifts in the characters' dynamics and motivations.

Internal Goal: 8

Lester's internal goal in this scene seems to be seeking validation and approval from Flemmer. His need for connection and reassurance is reflected in his attempts to engage with Flemmer and understand his plans.

External Goal: 7.5

Flemmer's external goal is to influence the outcome of Mantini's puppet-duel in order to help Schwartz leave Malkovich. This goal reflects the immediate challenge of navigating complex relationships and dynamics.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7.5

There is a moderate level of conflict present as the characters discuss their differing perspectives and intentions regarding the plan.

Opposition: 7.5

The opposition in the scene is moderate, with tensions arising from conflicting viewpoints and goals between the characters. The uncertainty surrounding the puppet-duel outcome adds a layer of opposition and intrigue.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are raised with the introduction of a puppet-duel challenge and the potential consequences for the characters involved.

Story Forward: 9

The scene propels the story forward by introducing a new plot element and raising the stakes for the characters involved.

Unpredictability: 8.5

This scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected twists in the characters' interactions and the introduction of surreal elements like the Devil and puppet-duel. The audience is kept on their toes, unsure of how the situation will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the characters' differing approaches to problem-solving and their levels of confidence. Lester's skepticism contrasts with Flemmer's self-assuredness, challenging their beliefs about each other's abilities and intentions.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes a mix of emotions, including tension, humor, and intrigue, but does not delve deeply into emotional depth.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is engaging, witty, and drives the scene forward, capturing the essence of the characters and their intentions.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its blend of humor, tension, and character dynamics. The witty dialogue and quirky situations keep the audience intrigued and invested in the unfolding events.

Pacing: 8.5

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a good balance of dialogue, action, and character interactions. The rhythm of the scene enhances its comedic timing and emotional beats, keeping the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting adheres to the expected standards for a screenplay, with clear scene descriptions and character actions. The dialogue is properly formatted, enhancing readability.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a coherent structure with clear character interactions and progression of events. The dialogue flows naturally, contributing to the scene's effectiveness.


Critique
  • This scene effectively serves as a transitional bridge in the narrative, advancing the plot by revealing Flemmer's new plan to counter Craig's possession of Malkovich through aiding Mantini in the puppet duel. It highlights the ongoing conspiracy theme, showing how secondary characters like Lester and Flemmer are actively working against the protagonist, which reinforces the larger story's exploration of control and manipulation. However, the scene feels somewhat exposition-heavy, with dialogue that primarily recaps events from previous scenes (e.g., the failed dream sequence and the Mantini challenge), which might make it less engaging for the audience if not balanced with more dynamic action or character revelation. The interpersonal tension between Lester and Flemmer adds a layer of humor and realism to their relationship, but it resolves too quickly, lacking depth and emotional stakes, which could make their conflict feel superficial in a story filled with high-stakes possession and identity crises. Visually, the domestic setting of Flemmer's apartment contrasts with the surreal elements elsewhere in the script, providing a moment of grounding, but it doesn't fully capitalize on this by incorporating more symbolic or atmospheric details that could tie into the themes of normalcy versus chaos. Additionally, the abrupt ending with the mention of a letter from Alex Trebek comes across as a non-sequitur, potentially confusing viewers or diluting the scene's focus unless it serves a specific comedic or foreshadowing purpose that's not immediately clear. Overall, while the scene maintains the script's witty dialogue and brisk pacing, it risks feeling like a necessary but unremarkable interlude in a highly fantastical narrative, underscoring the need for stronger integration with the emotional arcs of the characters.
  • Character development in this scene is moderately effective, as it reveals more about Lester and Flemmer's dynamic—Lester's snippy attitude and Flemmer's defensiveness humanize them beyond their roles as antagonists. However, their bickering over puppetry skills and the quick apology might come off as clichéd, reducing them to stock comedic relief rather than fully fleshed-out characters. In the context of the entire script, where identity and possession are central themes, this scene could explore how Flemmer's self-proclaimed role as the Devil affects his psyche or relationships, but it doesn't delve deep enough, missing an opportunity to add psychological complexity. The dialogue, while snappy and humorous, includes repetitive phrases like 'Fine. Let's drop it,' which can make the exchange feel stagnant and less polished, potentially alienating viewers who expect tighter writing in a screenplay with such inventive premises. Furthermore, the scene's placement as scene 53 out of 60 suggests it's building toward a climax, but it doesn't heighten tension sufficiently, as the plan to help Mantini feels reactive rather than proactive, which might weaken the antagonists' agency in the story.
  • From a structural standpoint, the scene adheres to the script's fast-paced style with short, punchy exchanges, but it could benefit from better visual storytelling to engage the audience more fully. For instance, the action of Lester watering plants and Flemmer entering with a carry-on bag is a good start for establishing setting and character routines, but it lacks innovative camera work or descriptive elements that could make the scene more cinematic—such as close-ups on Flemmer's frustrated expressions or symbolic shots of the plants wilting, mirroring the characters' schemes. The tone shifts from casual domesticity to scheming conspiracy, which fits the overall surreal humor of the script, but the transition feels abrupt, not fully leveraging the contrast for comedic or dramatic effect. In terms of thematic consistency, the scene touches on the hubris of control (Flemmer claiming he can 'handle' puppetry as the Devil), but it doesn't connect as strongly as it could to the protagonist's journey, making it feel somewhat isolated. Lastly, the ending cut to the next scene is standard, but it doesn't provide a strong hook or cliffhanger, which might make the scene forgettable in a densely plotted screenplay.
Suggestions
  • Enhance the emotional depth of Lester and Flemmer's argument by adding specific backstory or personal stakes— for example, have Lester reference a past failure in puppetry or a shared history with Mantini to make their conflict more personal and less generic, helping to build character arcs within the scene.
  • Reduce repetitive dialogue, such as the multiple 'Fine. Let's drop it' exchanges, by condensing them into a single, more impactful line or replacing them with non-verbal actions (e.g., Flemmer slamming a door or Lester turning away) to improve pacing and maintain the scene's energy without losing the humorous tension.
  • Incorporate more visual elements to support the dialogue and themes— suggest adding symbolic props, like a puppet on a shelf that Flemmer interacts with to demonstrate his 'Devilish' skills, or use lighting changes to emphasize the shift from casual conversation to sinister planning, making the scene more engaging and cinematic.
  • Strengthen the connection to the larger narrative by foreshadowing future events— for instance, have Flemmer hint at the consequences of his plan failing or reference Lotte's subplot to tie this scene more closely to the overall story, ensuring it feels integral rather than transitional.
  • End the scene with a stronger hook to build anticipation— instead of abruptly cutting after mentioning the mail, have Flemmer receive a cryptic message or show a subtle reaction to the Alex Trebek letter that teases a larger plot point, encouraging the audience to anticipate the next development.



Scene 54 -  Tensions and Discontent
INT. SEWER - NIGHT
Lotte and Elijah, now dirty and drawn, are talking. Elijah
uses sign language.
ELIJAH (SUBTITLES)
You've got to tell Craig what's going
on. He must never leave Malkovich.
LOTTE
I'm glad you learned sign language,
Elijah, but I'm tired of your nagging.
I'm tired of this conversation. I'm
tired period. What has the world
ever done for me that I should feel
personally responsible for saving
it?
ELIJAH
It is better to light one candle
than curse the darkness. I learned
that from you.
Lotte turns away, shaken. A tear rolls down her face.
LOTTE
What have I become?
CUT TO:
EXT. BROADHURST THEATER - NIGHT
The Marquee reads: Derek Mantini's sixty-foot Harry S. Truman
puppet and Craig Schwartz's actual-size John Malkovich puppet
in Peter Shaffer's "Equus."
CUT TO:

INT. BROADHURST THEATER - NIGHT
The house is packed. On stage is a minimalist set: wood planks
and metal poles. Six guys in brown turtlenecks and stylized
wire horse heads mill about. The 60 foot Harry S. Truman
puppet is pacing, his strings extending up into the flyspace
and out of sight. Malkovich sits on a bench. Truman and
Malkovich both take stabs at British accents.
HARRY S. TRUMAN PUPPET
Do you dream often?
MALKOVICH
Do you?
HARRY S. TRUMAN PUPPET
It's my job to ask the questions.
Yours to answer them.
MALKOVICH
Says who?
HARRY S. TRUMAN PUPPET
Says me. Do you dream often?
MALKOVICH
Do you?
We see the audience fidgeting in their seats, coughing.
CUT TO:
INT. BROADHURST BACKSTAGE - CONTINUOUS
The dialogue drones on as Maxine watches coolly from the
wings. She drags on a cigarette. Mr. Flemmer, dressed as a
stagehand, stands behind Maxine. He also watches the actors,
with an occasional sideways glance at Maxine.
MAXINE
(without turning around)
Keep your eyes in your pants, old
timer.
CUT TO:
INT. THE BROADHURST LOBBY - A BIT LATER
It's intermission. The lobby is crowded. Maxine moves through
the crowd listening to snippets of conversation. Flemmer,
now in a tuxedo, moves about also. First couple:
THEATERGOER #1
That Truman puppet is downright boring
as the psychiatrist.

THEATERGOER #2
It's a wooden performance, really.
Get it? Wooden?
Second couple:
THEATERGOER #3
What's with the Malkovich puppet?
He was much better in Vegas when he
played the piano with his feet.
THEATERGOER #4
I hate it when they try to stretch.
It's like Woody Allen.
Third couple:
THEATERGOER #5
They both stink! I'm going across
the street to second act Miss Saigon.
CUT TO:
INT. DRESSING ROOM - A FEW MINUTES LATER
Malkovich watches himself in his dressing table mirror.
Maxine enters, flops herself down on the couch and lights up
a cigarette.
MAXINE
You'd better turn on the pyrotechnics,
lover, 'cause right now you're running
neck and neck with the dead president.
And you're both in last place.
Malkovich continues to watch himself in the mirror, nods his
head.
CUT TO:
Genres: ["Drama","Comedy"]

Summary In Scene 54, Lotte and Elijah argue in a sewer, where Elijah urges Lotte to inform Craig about a critical situation, but she feels overwhelmed and emotional. The scene shifts to the Broadhurst Theater, showcasing a lackluster play featuring puppets of Truman and Malkovich, which bores the audience. Backstage, Maxine critiques Malkovich's performance, while theatergoers express their dissatisfaction during intermission. The scene concludes with Maxine warning Malkovich to improve, leaving unresolved tensions in both the sewer and theater.
Strengths
  • Effective juxtaposition of themes and settings
  • Strong emotional resonance
  • Engaging dialogue and character dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Limited plot progression
  • Some tonal shifts may be jarring for the audience

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively balances emotional depth with comedic elements, providing a rich tapestry of contrasting tones and sentiments that engage the audience.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of juxtaposing personal despair with public performance is compelling and adds depth to the characters and themes explored in the scene.

Plot: 7.5

While the plot progression is limited in this scene, the thematic exploration and character development compensate for the lack of significant plot advancement.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces unique elements such as the theatrical performance involving puppets and actors, blending fantasy with reality. The characters' dialogue feels authentic and adds depth to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed, with Lotte's internal conflict and Malkovich's struggle for control adding layers of complexity and depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 8

Lotte experiences a significant emotional shift, moving from resignation to a moment of realization and action, while Malkovich grapples with his control and identity.

Internal Goal: 8

Lotte's internal goal is to grapple with her sense of purpose and responsibility towards the world. She questions her role in saving the world and her own identity.

External Goal: 7.5

The protagonist's external goal is to navigate the complexities of the theatrical performance and the dynamics with other characters like Elijah and Maxine.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict in the scene is more internal and emotional rather than external, focusing on the characters' inner struggles and dilemmas.

Opposition: 7.5

The opposition in the scene is moderate, with conflicts arising from the characters' differing beliefs and goals, adding tension and uncertainty to the narrative.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high on a personal level for Lotte as she confronts her inner turmoil, while the public performance adds a layer of professional stakes for Malkovich and Maxine.

Story Forward: 7

While the scene does not significantly advance the main plot, it deepens the character arcs and thematic exploration, adding layers to the narrative.

Unpredictability: 8.5

This scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected interactions between characters, the surreal nature of the performance, and the philosophical undertones.

Philosophical Conflict: 8.5

The philosophical conflict revolves around the themes of responsibility, purpose, and self-reflection. Lotte's existential crisis contrasts with Elijah's belief in making a difference.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene evokes a strong emotional response from the audience, particularly through Lotte's despair and the contrast with the theatrical performance.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue effectively conveys the emotional turmoil of the characters while incorporating humor and wit to maintain engagement.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its blend of humor, drama, and surreal elements, keeping the audience intrigued by the characters' conflicts and the theatrical setting.

Pacing: 8.5

The pacing of the scene enhances its effectiveness by balancing dialogue-driven moments with introspective pauses, creating a dynamic rhythm that keeps the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting adheres to the expected standards for the genre, making the scene easy to follow and engaging.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a structured format that suits its genre, transitioning smoothly between different locations and character interactions.


Critique
  • The scene effectively contrasts Lotte's intimate, emotional struggle in the sewer with the public spectacle of the puppet show, highlighting themes of personal despair versus performative absurdity. However, the rapid cuts between locations—sewer, theater exterior, interior, backstage, lobby, and dressing room—create a fragmented feel that might disorient the audience. This choppiness could dilute the emotional impact of Lotte's moment, as it shifts abruptly from her vulnerable conversation with Elijah to the high-energy theater setting without a strong transitional thread, potentially making it hard for viewers to fully engage with either storyline.
  • Lotte's dialogue and emotional breakdown in the sewer are poignant, revealing her exhaustion and moral conflict, which ties into the film's exploration of identity and responsibility. Yet, Elijah's use of sign language, while innovative, might come across as gimmicky or overly expository if not handled with care in production. The subtitles for Elijah's lines are necessary, but they could overshadow Lotte's performance, and the tearful moment feels somewhat clichéd, lacking unique visual or auditory elements to make it more memorable and distinct from similar scenes in the script.
  • The theater segment captures the satire of the puppet performance well, with stilted dialogue and bored audience reactions emphasizing the failure and rivalry central to the plot. However, the repetition in the 'Equus' dialogue (e.g., the back-and-forth of 'Do you dream often?') risks becoming tedious for the audience, mirroring the in-universe boredom but potentially alienating viewers if it drags on too long. Additionally, the intermission snippets of conversation are a clever way to convey public opinion, but they feel somewhat formulaic and could benefit from more varied or witty remarks to heighten the humor and critique.
  • Maxine's interaction with Mr. Flemmer backstage adds tension and foreshadows conflicts, but her line 'Keep your eyes in your pants, old timer' is direct and humorous, yet it might come off as too on-the-nose or stereotypical, reducing the subtlety of her character. The scene as a whole builds suspense for Malkovich's performance, but it doesn't fully capitalize on the visual potential of the theater setting—such as dynamic camera angles or close-ups on the puppets—to immerse the audience in the absurdity, making the critique feel more tell than show in places.
  • In the context of the entire script, this scene serves as a midpoint escalation, connecting Lotte's subplot to the main conflict involving Malkovich and the puppets. However, it could better integrate the overarching themes of control and deception by drawing clearer parallels between Lotte's caged existence and the performative cage of the stage. The ending in the dressing room, with Maxine urging Malkovich to improve, effectively raises stakes, but it feels rushed, leaving little room for character reflection or deeper insight into Malkovich's internal state under Craig's influence.
Suggestions
  • To improve pacing, consider reducing the number of cuts or using transitional devices like fade-ins/fade-outs or voice-over narration to link the sewer and theater sequences more fluidly, ensuring each segment has time to build emotional weight before shifting.
  • Enhance the sewer scene by incorporating more visual storytelling, such as symbolic imagery (e.g., the smoldering fire representing fading hope) or subtle sound design to convey Elijah's sign language without relying heavily on subtitles, making Lotte's emotional arc more cinematic and less dialogue-driven.
  • Refine the 'Equus' dialogue to make it more engaging or absurdly comedic, perhaps by adding unexpected twists or meta-references to the film's themes, which could heighten the satire and keep the audience entertained even as the characters struggle on stage.
  • Strengthen character interactions by adding layers to Maxine's confrontation with Flemmer, such as non-verbal cues or backstory hints, to make her quip more impactful and reveal more about their motivations, while using wider shots in the lobby to show a more diverse range of audience reactions for better world-building.
  • To better tie into the climax, include subtle foreshadowing in the dressing room scene, like Malkovich glancing at his reflection with a hint of his true self emerging, or Lotte's subplot echoing through a parallel action cut, ensuring the scene advances the plot while maintaining thematic consistency and building anticipation for the resolution.



Scene 55 -  Frozen Moments and Upstaged Performances
INT. CATWALK ABOVE STAGE - CONTINUOUS
Mantini leans against a rail and smokes a cigarette. Charles
Nelson Reilly, in a tuxedo, confers with him in hushed tones.
CHARLES NELSON REILLY
You're doing beautifully, my boy. I
wept at the speech about your wife.
Flemmer materializes behind Mantini
CHARLES NELSON REILLY
What the hell? Nyong-nyong!

Mantini spins around to face Flemmer. Reilly makes a break
for it. Flemmer points a finger and Reilly freezes in mid-
strut. Flemmer then points a finger at Mantini, and he, too,
freezes. Flemmer picks up the giant wooden controls for the
marionette, and pulls a copy of the play from his pocket.
CUT TO:
INT. BROADHURST STAGE - NIGHT
We watch the second act in progress. The Truman puppet pace
as he delivers a monologue. Somehow he doesn't even seem to
be a puppet anymore, so subtle and graceful are his movements
and the changes in his facial expressions. It's as if there's
a giant actual Harry Truman on stage.
HARRY S. TRUMAN PUPPET
I can hear the creature's voice.
It's calling me out of the black
cave of the Psyche. I shove in my
dim little torch, and there he stands --
waiting for me. He raises his matted
head. He opens his great, square
teeth and says
(mocking)
'Why? ... Why me? ... Why --
ultimately -- Me? ... Do you really
imagine you can account for Me?
Totally, infallibly, inevitably
account for Me? ... Poor Dr. Dysart!'
Malkovich watches impressed and a little scared by this
bravura performance. He glances out into the audience and
sees a silent, rapt crowd.
DISSOLVE TO:
INT. BROADHURST STAGE - A BIT LATER
Malkovich is delivering a monologue. Acting up a storm.
During Malkovich's speech, Truman repeatedly attempts to
upstage him, nodding his head, looking thoughtful, raising
his ten foot eyebrows in surprise...
MALKOVICH
Eyes! ... White eyes -- never closed!
Eyes like flames -- coming -- coming!
... God seest! ... God seest! ...
NO!
CUT TO:

EXT. NEW YORK STREET - CONTINUOUS
A man hole cover is pushed off. Lotte climbs out onto the
street. She is dirty but determined.
CUT TO:
Genres: ["Drama","Comedy","Fantasy"]

Summary In this suspenseful scene, Mantini receives praise from Charles Nelson Reilly on a catwalk, but their moment is interrupted when Flemmer appears and freezes them in place. The action shifts to the Broadhurst stage, where the Harry S. Truman puppet delivers a captivating monologue that upstages Malkovich's intense performance. The scene concludes with Lotte emerging from a manhole onto a New York street, determined despite her disheveled appearance.
Strengths
  • Complex character dynamics
  • Emotional depth
  • Surreal elements
  • Innovative use of puppetry as metaphor
Weaknesses
  • Potential confusion due to surreal elements
  • Some dialogue may be overly complex or symbolic

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.7

The scene effectively combines tension, emotional depth, and surreal elements to captivate the audience. The intricate character dynamics and thematic exploration contribute to a compelling narrative.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of using puppetry as a metaphor for control and manipulation is innovative and thought-provoking. The scene explores themes of power dynamics and internal struggles in a unique way.

Plot: 8.6

The plot of the scene advances the narrative by delving into the characters' internal conflicts and relationships. The introduction of high stakes and conflicting motivations adds depth to the storyline.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces fresh elements such as marionettes, puppetry, and a surreal theatrical setting, offering a unique take on performance, control, and identity. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and layered, adding depth to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 8.8

The characters in the scene are well-developed and exhibit complex emotions and motivations. Their interactions drive the narrative forward and create engaging dynamics.

Character Changes: 9

Several characters undergo significant emotional changes during the scene, grappling with internal conflicts and external pressures. These transformations drive the narrative forward.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to impress the audience and assert his talent and presence on stage. This reflects his deeper need for validation, recognition, and artistic fulfillment.

External Goal: 7.5

The protagonist's external goal is to deliver a compelling performance and maintain control of the stage despite Truman's attempts to upstage him. This reflects the immediate challenge of maintaining focus and professionalism in the face of distractions.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8.9

The scene is filled with internal and external conflicts, driving the tension and emotional impact. The characters' conflicting desires and motivations create a compelling dynamic.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with characters facing challenges, power struggles, and unexpected obstacles that create suspense and drive the narrative forward. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of how the conflicts will resolve.

High Stakes: 9

The high stakes in the scene, including control over John Malkovich's body, the puppet duel, and the characters' personal struggles, heighten the tension and drive the narrative forward.

Story Forward: 9

The scene effectively moves the story forward by introducing new conflicts, deepening character relationships, and setting up future developments. The plot progresses in a compelling manner.

Unpredictability: 8.5

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists, character dynamics, and surreal elements that challenge the audience's expectations and keep them intrigued. The shifting power dynamics and the blurred lines between reality and performance add layers of unpredictability.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict revolves around the themes of identity, performance, and control. The struggle between the characters mirrors the internal conflicts they face regarding authenticity, manipulation, and the blurred lines between reality and illusion.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes a strong emotional response from the audience through its portrayal of despair, resignation, hope, and fear. The characters' struggles resonate on a deep emotional level.

Dialogue: 8.4

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the characters' emotions and conflicts. The exchanges between characters reveal their inner turmoil and motivations.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its blend of drama, humor, and suspense. The dynamic interactions between characters, the surreal theatrical elements, and the thematic depth keep the audience captivated and invested in the unfolding events.

Pacing: 8.5

The pacing of the scene is well-crafted, with a balance of tension-building moments, character interactions, and dramatic reveals. The rhythm enhances the scene's emotional impact and keeps the audience engaged from start to finish.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting adheres to the expected standards for a screenplay, with clear scene descriptions, character actions, and dialogue cues. The format enhances the readability and visual clarity of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a coherent structure that effectively builds tension, transitions between settings, and develops character dynamics. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the scene's overall effectiveness and engagement.


Critique
  • The scene effectively escalates the fantastical elements of the screenplay by showcasing Flemmer's supernatural abilities, such as freezing characters with a finger point, which adds to the surreal tone but risks feeling unearned if not sufficiently foreshadowed in earlier scenes. This abrupt display of power could confuse audiences unfamiliar with the story's magic system, potentially disrupting immersion in a narrative already heavy with absurdity and possession themes.
  • The transition from the catwalk to the stage performance is visually dynamic with the dissolve, but the shift to Lotte emerging from the manhole feels disconnected and abrupt. This lack of smooth narrative flow might leave viewers disoriented, as Lotte's subplot is reintroduced without clear linkage to the immediate action, weakening the overall cohesion in a late-stage scene that should be building towards climax.
  • Flemmer's takeover of the marionette controls is a clever visual metaphor for control and manipulation, aligning with the film's central themes of identity and puppeteering. However, the execution lacks depth in character motivation; Flemmer's actions come across as plot-driven rather than stemming from his established personality or relationships, which could make him seem like a deus ex machina rather than a fully realized antagonist.
  • The Truman puppet's monologue is well-integrated with its lifelike movements creating a sense of awe, but it borrows heavily from the source material of 'Equus' without sufficiently adapting it to serve the screenplay's unique voice. This could result in moments that feel like filler or overly reliant on external references, diluting the originality and emotional impact that the story has built up to this point.
  • Malkovich's reaction to the performance is appropriately conveyed through his expressions of fear and admiration, adding a layer of personal stakes. However, the scene underutilizes opportunities for deeper emotional exploration, such as delving into Malkovich's internal conflict over his loss of agency, which might make his character arc feel underdeveloped in this critical moment near the story's end.
  • The cut to Lotte at the end provides a parallel narrative thread but lacks payoff or resolution within the scene. Her determined emergence feels like a setup for future events rather than a satisfying beat, potentially frustrating audiences who are expecting more immediate consequences or connections to the main plotline involving the puppet duel.
  • Overall, while the scene maintains the screenplay's blend of humor and surrealism, the rapid shifts in focus and the heavy reliance on visual spectacle over character-driven dialogue may overwhelm viewers. In a story with multiple converging subplots, this scene could benefit from tighter editing to ensure that each element advances the narrative without sacrificing clarity or emotional resonance.
Suggestions
  • Add subtle foreshadowing in earlier scenes to establish Flemmer's powers, such as hints in dialogue or visual cues, to make his intervention feel more organic and less sudden.
  • Improve transitions by including a brief auditory or visual link, like a sound bridge from the stage applause to Lotte's movements in the sewer, to create a smoother narrative flow and better connect disparate story threads.
  • Enhance Flemmer's character motivation by including a short internal monologue or a line of dialogue that references his personal stake in the conflict, making his actions more relatable and tied to the story's themes of control.
  • Adapt the puppet's monologue to include more original elements that tie directly to the film's themes, such as references to self-identity or possession, to make it feel less derivative and more integral to the plot.
  • Expand Malkovich's reaction shots with closer camera angles or added voice-over to explore his internal turmoil, providing deeper insight into his character and strengthening the emotional core of the scene.
  • Integrate Lotte's subplot more effectively by ending the scene with a clearer indication of her intentions or a visual parallel to the stage action, such as her determination mirroring the puppet's performance, to heighten thematic resonance.
  • Refine the pacing by consolidating or expanding key moments— for example, lingering longer on the audience's reactions or shortening the monologue if it runs too long—to maintain tension and ensure the scene propels the story forward without dragging.



Scene 56 -  The Battle for the Spotlight
INT. BROADHURST STAGE - LATER STILL
Malkovich is in convulsions on the floor. Big dramatic
convulsions. Truman scoops him up, and places him on the
bench. Malkovich continues with the convulsions, milking it.
Truman speaks.
HARRY S. TRUMAN PUPPET
Here ... Here ... Sssh ... Sssh ...
Calm now ... Lie back. Just lie back!
Now breathe in deep. Very deep. In
... Out ... In ... Out ... That's
it ... In. Out .. In ... Out ...
Malkovich is breathing insanely now, trying to keep the focus
on himself. Flemmer is in the catwalks, watching the crowd.
The audience is watching Malkovich.
AUDIENCE MEMBER
(to his wife)
That Malkovich puppet is a damn fine
actor.
FLEMMER
(blood boiling)
Bastard is stealing my thunder.
Malkovich and Truman on the stage. Truman is pacing, swirling,
dancing, juggling enormous bowling pins as he talks.
HARRY S. TRUMAN PUPPET
All right! I'll take it away! He'll
be delivered from madness. What then?
He'll feel himself acceptable! What
then?
Malkovich has upPed his convulsions now. He watches Truman
out of the corner of his eye while writhing tormentedly on
the bench. He levitates. Spins in mid-air. Falls on all fours
and does an uncanny impression of a yelping dog. Truman
watches Malkovich, continues to speak. But now, when he talks,
fire comes out of his mouth.
HARRY S. TRUMAN PUPPET
I'll heal the rash on his body. I'll
erase the welts cut into his body by
flying manes.

The audience "ooohs" at the flames. Malkovich rips off his
clothes and convulses into the dying swan-bit from "Swan
Lake." The audience applauds. Truman continues his speech,
now transforming himself into an actual 60 foot swan and
flying around the auditorium as he speaks.
HARRY S. TRUMAN PUPPET
You won't gallop anymore, Alan. Horses
will be quite safe. You'll save your
pennies every week, till you can
change that scooter into a car...
The audience watches the giant swan overhead, necks craned,
in awe. Malkovich sighs. He is out of his league. He goes
into a remarkable tap dance routine and sings "Mr.
Bojangles", but nobody even looks at the stage. The giant
swan bursts into flames, flies back onto the stage, burns to
a crisp, then rises from his ashes as the actual Harry S.
Truman. Truman looks confused and disoriented, as if just
raised from the dead.
ACTUAL TRUMAN
Where am I? Aren't I dead?
(possessed)
Vote for Mantini!
Truman grows and grows until he is again just a giant puppet.
The audience bursts into applause, then delivers a standing
ovation. Truman bows. Flemmer laughs wildly in the catwalks.
Malkovich walks dejectedly from the stage.
CUT TO:
INT. BACKSTAGE - CONTINUOUS
Malkovich walks past Maxine. She doesn't even look at him.
Thunderous applause is heard in the background.
MALKOVICH
Good-bye, Maxine.
MAXINE
Whatever.
Malkovich drops limply to the floor. He lifts his head.
MALKOVICH
(weak but relieved)
I'm back! My nightmare is over.
CUT TO:
Genres: ["Drama","Fantasy","Comedy"]

Summary In scene 56, set on the Broadhurst stage during a puppet performance, John Malkovich, portrayed as a puppet, struggles for attention as he convulses dramatically. Harry S. Truman, also a puppet, intervenes and begins an energetic performance that captivates the audience, overshadowing Malkovich's antics. As Truman transforms into a giant swan and performs spectacular acts, Malkovich's attempts to compete fail, leading to his humiliation. The scene culminates with Truman's resurrection as a confused human, eliciting applause, while Malkovich exits dejectedly. Backstage, he encounters Maxine, who dismisses him, but he ultimately finds relief in realizing he has returned to normal.
Strengths
  • Innovative puppetry performance
  • Intense character interactions
  • Surreal elements
  • High stakes competition
Weaknesses
  • Potential confusion due to surreal elements

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.7

The scene is well-structured, engaging, and filled with unique elements that captivate the audience. The execution is strong, with a blend of drama, fantasy, and comedy creating a memorable experience.


Story Content

Concept: 8.6

The concept of a puppet duel intertwined with surreal elements and intense character interactions is intriguing and well-developed, adding depth to the narrative and engaging the audience.

Plot: 8.7

The plot advances significantly through the puppet showdown, revealing character motivations, escalating conflicts, and setting the stage for future developments.

Originality: 9

The scene showcases a high level of originality through its unconventional premise of puppetry, surreal performances, and thematic exploration of identity and self-expression. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic within the fantastical setting, adding depth and complexity to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters are dynamic and engaging, with clear arcs and motivations driving their actions. The interactions between characters add depth to the scene and enhance the overall narrative.

Character Changes: 8

Character growth and transformation are evident, especially in Malkovich's realization and Maxine's manipulative nature, adding depth to their arcs and setting the stage for future developments.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to regain a sense of control and identity after being overshadowed and outperformed by Truman. This reflects his need for recognition, validation, and a desire to break free from the constraints of his own insecurities.

External Goal: 7.5

The protagonist's external goal is to captivate the audience and prove his worth as a performer. This goal is driven by the immediate challenge of competing with Truman's showmanship and reclaiming his spotlight.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8.8

The conflict in the scene is high, with intense rivalries, emotional stakes, and power struggles driving the narrative forward and engaging the audience.

Opposition: 7.5

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Truman posing a significant challenge to Malkovich's spotlight and self-esteem. The audience's shifting attention and Flemmer's jealousy add layers of conflict and tension to the narrative.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in the scene, with intense competition, power struggles, and personal revelations driving the characters to make critical decisions that will impact their futures.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by introducing new conflicts, escalating tensions, and setting up future plot developments, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the narrative.

Unpredictability: 8.5

This scene is unpredictable because of its surreal twists, unexpected character actions, and fantastical transformations. The audience is kept on their toes, unsure of what will happen next in the whimsical narrative.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict revolves around the themes of identity, self-worth, and the struggle for recognition. It challenges the protagonist's beliefs about his own talent and the nature of performance art.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.6

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from tension and confusion to relief and disappointment, creating a compelling and immersive experience for the audience.

Dialogue: 8.4

The dialogue is impactful, reflecting the intense emotions and conflicts present in the scene. It effectively conveys character dynamics and adds depth to the storytelling.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its blend of spectacle, emotion, and humor. The audience is drawn into the surreal world of the stage performance, experiencing a range of emotions from awe to amusement to introspection.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by balancing moments of high energy and emotional intensity with quieter, reflective beats. The rhythm enhances the dramatic impact of the performance and keeps the audience engaged throughout.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8.5

The formatting of the scene aligns with the genre's expectations by effectively conveying the visual and emotional elements of the performance. It utilizes stage directions and dialogue to create a dynamic and engaging reading experience.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows a non-linear and theatrical format, which suits the surreal and dreamlike nature of the story. It deviates from traditional screenplay conventions to enhance the sense of unpredictability and artistic expression.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the chaotic and surreal essence of the film's themes of identity, control, and performance art, with the puppet duel serving as a metaphor for Craig's possession of Malkovich. However, the rapid escalation of visual effects—from convulsions to fire-breathing and transformations—might overwhelm the audience, potentially diluting the emotional impact. As a screenwriting teacher, I'd note that while the spectacle is engaging, it risks prioritizing visual flair over character-driven moments, making it harder for viewers to connect with Malkovich's internal struggle. This could be improved by balancing the high-energy sequences with quieter beats that allow the audience to process the absurdity and stakes.
  • The dialogue, particularly Truman's monologues, feels somewhat disconnected from the overall narrative arc, as it recycles themes from the play 'Equus' without fully integrating them into the story's exploration of possession and rivalry. This might confuse readers or viewers who aren't familiar with the source material, and it could benefit from more subtle nods to earlier scenes, such as Craig's puppeteering background or Flemmer's manipulations, to reinforce continuity. Additionally, the audience member's comment about Malkovich being a 'damn fine actor' is a nice touch for humor and meta-commentary, but it feels underutilized; expanding on such interactions could deepen the satirical edge and make the scene more memorable.
  • Flemmer's role in the catwalks adds a layer of antagonism and visual interest, but his jealousy and wild laughter come across as cartoonish, which might undercut the tension. In screenwriting terms, this character beat could be more nuanced to heighten the stakes, as his actions drive the plot but lack depth in motivation here. For instance, referencing his earlier failures or alliances (from scenes 53 and 55) would help contextualize his behavior, making him a more formidable antagonist rather than a comedic relief figure. This scene is pivotal in showing the consequences of Craig's hubris, but Flemmer's portrayal feels like a missed opportunity to explore the theme of external control more profoundly.
  • The ending, where Malkovich regains control and expresses relief, provides a satisfying emotional release, but it feels abrupt and underdeveloped. The transition from the high-stakes performance to his quiet declaration 'I'm back! My nightmare is over' lacks buildup, which could leave viewers feeling the resolution is unearned. As an expert, I'd suggest that this moment could be strengthened by foreshadowing Malkovich's resistance earlier in the scene or through subtle visual cues, ensuring it ties into the film's exploration of autonomy. Overall, the scene's strengths lie in its visual dynamism and thematic relevance, but it could use tighter pacing to avoid feeling like a series of disconnected gags.
  • From a reader's perspective, the scene is vivid and imaginative, effectively using the stage setting to amplify the absurdity of the puppet competition. However, the heavy reliance on physical comedy and transformations might make it challenging to film on a budget, as it demands elaborate effects that could distract from the character dynamics. Critically, while it advances the plot by defeating Malkovich and setting up future conflicts, it doesn't fully capitalize on the opportunity to develop Maxine's character, who remains somewhat passive despite her presence. This could be addressed by giving her more agency or reaction shots to emphasize her role in the love triangle and business partnership with Craig.
Suggestions
  • Incorporate more gradual build-up to the visual effects, such as starting with smaller convulsions and slowly escalating to the swan transformation, to maintain tension and allow the audience to absorb each element without feeling rushed.
  • Add subtle references to previous scenes, like a quick flashback or voice-over reminder of Craig's initial puppeteering in the garage, to strengthen thematic connections and remind viewers of the larger narrative arc.
  • Enhance character depth by including internal monologue or close-up shots of Malkovich's face to show his internal conflict during the performance, making his eventual regain of control more emotionally resonant and believable.
  • Refine the dialogue to be less reliant on direct 'Equus' quotes; adapt them to better fit the film's unique voice, perhaps by having Truman's lines subtly reference Craig's possession or Flemmer's influence for added irony.
  • Consider adding a moment of audience interaction or a cutaway to Lotte's perspective (from her emergence in the previous scene) to create parallel action, increasing suspense and tying into the broader conflict involving the cult and rebels.



Scene 57 -  The Possession of Malkovich
INT. CATWALK - CONTINUOUS
Flemmer watches Malkovich from above. He pulls out a walkie-
talkie.
FLEMMER
(into walkie-talkie)
Okay, now!
CUT TO:
INT. CRAIG AND MAXINE'S OFFICE - CONTINUOUS
Lester is surrounded by all the Malkovichians. He holds the
walkie-talkie, has just received word. He nods, and the
Malkovichians crawl in single file into the portal, while
shrieking a war cry.
CUT TO:
INT. BACKSTAGE - CONTINUOUS
Maxine watches as Malkovich pulls himself up off the ground.
Suddenly, he is again possessed, first by one person, then
by two, then by three, his body jerking and pulsating with
each new occupant. It's almost like popping corn, starting
out slowly, then going faster and faster, until Malkovich is
possessed by all fifty Malkovichians. He shrieks a war cry
and runs out onto the stage.
CUT TO:
INT. STAGE - CONTINUOUS
The Truman puppet now hangs limply from the catwalks.
Malkovich hovers just above the stage and addresses the
audience.
MALKOVICH
(now sounding like
fifty voices)
I am your earthly king! Kneel before
me!
The audience scoffs at first, but then are compelled to their
knees.
CROWD
(like automatons)
Hail Malkovich, king of the damned.
Malkovich laughs, gives the thumbs up sign to Flemmer in the
catwalks. Flemmer gives the thumbs up sign back.

Lotte appears in the back of the theater, an out-of-breath
figure in shadows. It is too late. She runs from the theater.
CUT TO:
INT. BACKSTAGE - CONTINUOUS
Maxine watches, somewhat amused. She turns and heads for the
exit.
CUT TO:
EXT. NEW JERSEY TUNPIKE - NIGHT
A dejected Craig walks along the shoulder. He is wet and
cold. We hold on him for a long while until he eventually
merges with the landscape.
FADE OUT
FADE IN
Genres: ["Drama","Fantasy","Comedy"]

Summary In this chaotic scene, Flemmer signals the start of a possession event, prompting a group of Malkovichians to crawl into a portal and possess Malkovich one by one. As the number of possessors increases, Malkovich's body jerks violently before he emerges on stage, declaring himself the 'earthly king' and commanding the audience to kneel. Initially resistant, the crowd submits mechanically, hailing him as 'king of the damned.' Meanwhile, Lotte arrives too late to intervene and flees, while Maxine watches amusedly before leaving. The scene concludes with Craig walking dejectedly along the New Jersey Turnpike, merging with the night landscape.
Strengths
  • Surreal and absurd elements
  • Strong character development
  • Innovative concept
  • Emotional impact
Weaknesses
  • Potential confusion for some viewers due to surreal nature

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene is highly engaging and impactful due to its surreal and absurd elements, dark undertones, and fantastical climax. It effectively builds tension and intrigue, leaving a lasting impression on the audience.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of Malkovich being overtaken by multiple personalities and declaring himself as king is innovative and thought-provoking. It explores themes of identity, power, and manipulation in a unique and engaging way.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene is crucial in advancing the narrative towards a climactic moment where Malkovich's possession takes center stage. It adds depth to the story and sets the stage for further developments.

Originality: 9

The scene showcases a high level of originality through its unconventional premise of mind possession, the absurdity of the characters' actions, and the unexpected turn of events. The authenticity of the characters' dialogue and reactions adds to the scene's fresh and engaging quality.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters in the scene, especially Malkovich and Flemmer, are well-developed and play pivotal roles in the unfolding events. Their interactions and reactions add layers to the narrative and enhance the overall impact.

Character Changes: 8

Malkovich undergoes a significant transformation during the scene, moving from a state of possession to a declaration of power and control. This change in his character adds depth and complexity to the narrative.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to assert dominance and control over others, reflecting a deeper need for power and recognition. This desire for authority and obedience stems from the protagonist's insecurities and desire for validation.

External Goal: 7.5

The protagonist's external goal is to establish himself as a leader and gain the allegiance of the audience and his followers. This goal reflects the immediate challenge of maintaining control and influence over the situation.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict in the scene is intense and multi-layered, involving internal struggles within Malkovich, power dynamics between characters, and the overarching battle for control and dominance. It heightens the stakes and drives the narrative forward.

Opposition: 8.5

The opposition in the scene is strong, with characters facing internal conflicts of power and control, as well as external challenges of resistance and defiance. The uncertainty of the outcome adds suspense and complexity to the narrative.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in the scene, with the power struggle and manipulation reaching a critical point. The outcome of Malkovich's possession and declaration as king has significant implications for the characters and the story.

Story Forward: 9

The scene propels the story forward by introducing a climactic moment that alters the dynamics between characters and sets the stage for further developments. It adds depth and complexity to the overall narrative.

Unpredictability: 9

This scene is unpredictable because of the rapid shifts in power dynamics, the unexpected possession of multiple characters, and the surprising reactions of the audience. These elements create a sense of suspense and intrigue, keeping the audience on edge.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the themes of power, manipulation, and free will. It challenges the protagonist's beliefs about authority and the boundaries of control, as well as the audience's willingness to submit to external influence.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from suspense and intrigue to tension and awe. The surreal and dark elements contribute to a heightened emotional impact, leaving a lasting impression on the audience.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the surreal and dark tone, with impactful lines that contribute to the tension and drama. The interactions between characters are engaging and serve the plot well.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its blend of suspense, humor, and unpredictability. The escalating tension and unexpected twists keep the audience invested in the characters' fates and the outcome of the surreal events.

Pacing: 8.5

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension through quick cuts between locations, dynamic action sequences, and dramatic dialogue exchanges. The rhythm of the scene enhances its emotional impact and keeps the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting adheres to the expected format for its genre, with proper scene headings, action descriptions, and character dialogue. This clarity enhances the scene's visual and narrative impact.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with clear transitions between locations and a coherent progression of events. The pacing and formatting contribute to the scene's effectiveness and readability.


Critique
  • The scene effectively escalates the surreal and chaotic elements of the story by depicting the mass possession of Malkovich, which visually and thematically reinforces the central theme of loss of identity and control. This moment serves as a climactic peak, showing the consequences of the characters' actions in a visually striking way, with the jerking and pulsating body evoking a sense of horror and comedy that aligns with the film's tone. However, the rapid cuts between locations can feel disjointed, potentially confusing the audience and diluting the impact of key moments, such as Lotte's realization and escape, which lack sufficient buildup or emotional weight in this context.
  • The possession sequence, while inventive, risks becoming overly gimmicky with the 'popping corn' description of multiple possessions. This could alienate viewers if it feels more like a special effects showcase than a meaningful narrative beat, especially since it happens late in the script. Additionally, the dialogue for the possessed Malkovich, sounding like 'fifty voices,' is a strong conceptual choice that highlights the invasion of his identity, but it may come across as muddled or unclear in execution, making it hard for the audience to discern individual voices or emotional nuances, thus weakening the scene's dramatic tension.
  • Lotte's brief appearance at the back of the theater is a missed opportunity for character development. As a key character with her own arc, her sudden entrance and immediate exit feel perfunctory and underexplored, reducing her to a plot device rather than allowing for a poignant moment that could tie into her earlier struggles and decisions. This lack of depth might leave viewers disconnected from her journey, especially in a scene that should be building towards resolution.
  • The interaction between Malkovich and the audience, where they are compelled to kneel and hail him, is a powerful visual metaphor for manipulation and authoritarianism, fitting the story's themes. However, the transition from skepticism to automaton-like obedience is abrupt and lacks buildup, which could make it feel unearned or contrived. Furthermore, the thumbs-up exchange with Flemmer adds a layer of villainous camaraderie but might come off as cartoonish, undermining the scene's potential for genuine dread.
  • Maxine's amused reaction and departure backstage provides a contrast to the chaos, highlighting her detachment and self-interest, which is consistent with her character. Yet, this moment is underdeveloped, as it doesn't fully explore her motivations or emotional state, making her exit feel inconsequential. Similarly, the cut to Craig walking dejectedly on the turnpike serves as a poignant bookend to his arc but feels tacked on, with the fade out and fade in disrupting the momentum and not providing a strong cliffhanger or resolution to the scene's events.
  • Overall, while the scene successfully amplifies the stakes and surrealism, it suffers from pacing issues due to its choppy structure and reliance on quick cuts, which can overwhelm the audience. The fade out to Craig merging with the landscape is an evocative image that symbolizes his defeat, but it might be more effective if integrated more seamlessly into the narrative, ensuring that the scene contributes to the film's emotional and thematic closure without feeling rushed or disconnected.
Suggestions
  • Refine the cutting structure by reducing the number of rapid cuts and using dissolves or smoother transitions to better connect the locations, allowing the audience to absorb the possession sequence without disorientation and giving more weight to Lotte's emotional response.
  • Enhance the possession effects by adding specific sensory details, such as sound design for the 'fifty voices' (e.g., overlapping echoes or layered audio) and visual cues like facial distortions, to make the scene more immersive and less reliant on description, helping to convey the horror and humor more effectively.
  • Expand Lotte's moment in the theater to include a brief internal monologue or a subtle action that shows her conflict and history with the events, making her character more integral to the scene and providing a stronger emotional anchor for the audience.
  • Develop the audience compulsion sequence by showing a gradual build-up, such as starting with hesitant compliance and escalating to full automaton behavior, to make the shift feel more organic and impactful, strengthening the thematic elements of control.
  • Add depth to Maxine's reaction by including a line of dialogue or a facial expression that reveals her internal thoughts, such as a smirk or a muttered comment about the chaos, to better tie her arc into the scene and make her exit more meaningful.
  • Consider adjusting the ending fade out to a more dynamic close, such as ending on Craig's dejected walk with a voice-over or a symbolic image that directly links back to earlier scenes, ensuring a tighter connection to the overall narrative and providing a stronger sense of finality or anticipation for the next part.



Scene 58 -  The Tyranny of Gray
EXT. MANHATTAN STREET - DAY
CHYRON: LATER THAT WEEK
Something is wrong. It's a typical midtown street, but
everything is painted gray: the buildings, the streets, the
sidewalks, the cars. People walk along the streets, carrying
gray briefcases, wearing gray jumpsuits. Nobody talks, nobody
smiles. Gray birds fly silently in the sky. There is no
noise whatsoever. There are several movie theaters on the
block. All marquees advertise John Malkovich movies. Around
the corner comes Malkovich. He is floating about ten feet
off the ground on an enormous, bright red, jeweled throne.
He wears a gold crown and purple silk robe and smiles
condescendingly, majestically. Floris sits on his lap. She
is dressed in an orange satin gown. Nobody on the street
looks up.
MALKOVICH
(fifty voices)
Greetings, my lowly subjects.
FLORIS
Great things, my lonely subtext?
MALKOVICH
(rolls his eyes)
Boy, be careful what you wish for.
(to Floris)
Never mind, dear. Just enjoy the
ride, will you?
Floris shrugs, picks at her finger nails.

MALKOVICH
(to the people on the
street)
I am bored. You will dance for your
king now.
Without pause the entire street of gray clad people breaks
into a meticulously choreographed production number. Totally
silent, totally joyless, but exquisitely executed. We see
that Maxine is one of the anonymous dancers. Her face is
void of expression. Malkovich laughs.
MALKOVICH
Faster! Faster, my little trained
monkeys!
The crowd dances faster and faster. Older people fall over,
exhausted, clutching their hearts. Nobody stops dancing to
help, nobody dares.
CUT TO:
Genres: ["Fantasy","Dystopian"]

Summary In a surreal, gray-painted Manhattan, John Malkovich floats on a vibrant red throne, commanding gray-clad citizens to dance in a joyless, choreographed performance. Despite their exhaustion, they obey his oppressive demands, highlighting themes of control and detachment. Floris, seated on his lap, engages in a confused dialogue with Malkovich, who dismisses her with condescension. The scene culminates in a darkly humorous yet dystopian atmosphere as the dancers collapse from fatigue, underscoring the absurdity of their situation.
Strengths
  • Strong visual storytelling
  • Effective atmosphere building
  • Symbolism and thematic depth
Weaknesses
  • Limited dialogue
  • Lack of character development beyond Malkovich

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys a dark and surreal atmosphere, utilizing symbolism and visual cues to immerse the audience in a dystopian world ruled by Malkovich. The choreographed dance sequence adds an element of tension and control, enhancing the overall impact.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of portraying Malkovich as a despotic king in a dystopian world where people are forced to dance for him is innovative and thought-provoking. It explores themes of power, control, and submission in a unique and engaging way.

Plot: 7.5

While the scene does not have a traditional narrative plot, it effectively conveys the concept and themes through visual storytelling and symbolic elements. The progression of Malkovich's character as a tyrannical ruler is evident.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh and original concept of a colorless, authoritarian world ruled by a whimsical dictator, blending elements of dystopia with dark comedy. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic within the surreal setting, enhancing the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters in the scene, particularly John Malkovich as the despotic king and the silent, obedient population, play crucial roles in establishing the oppressive atmosphere and conveying the themes of control and submission.

Character Changes: 7

While there is not a significant character arc in the scene, the portrayal of Malkovich as a despotic king showcases a transformation in his character from a regular individual to a tyrannical ruler.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is likely to maintain a facade of compliance and indifference while feeling trapped and oppressed by the oppressive regime represented by Malkovich.

External Goal: 7.5

The protagonist's external goal is to survive and navigate the demands of the authoritarian ruler, Malkovich, without drawing attention or facing repercussions.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict in the scene arises from the power dynamics between Malkovich as the despotic king and the subdued population forced to dance for him. The tension and unease are palpable, adding depth to the narrative.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the characters facing a challenging and oppressive environment controlled by Malkovich. The uncertainty of the characters' fates adds a layer of tension and suspense to the narrative.

High Stakes: 8

The high stakes in the scene revolve around the power dynamics between Malkovich and the population, highlighting themes of control, submission, and rebellion. The consequences of defiance are implied through the oppressive atmosphere.

Story Forward: 8

The scene contributes to the overall narrative by showcasing Malkovich's descent into tyranny and the oppressive world he creates. It adds depth to the story and sets up further developments in the plot.

Unpredictability: 8.5

This scene is unpredictable because of its blend of surreal elements, dark humor, and unexpected character interactions. The audience is kept on edge by the bizarre and ever-evolving dynamics within the dystopian world.

Philosophical Conflict: 8.5

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around individuality, freedom, and conformity. The protagonist's compliance with Malkovich's demands challenges their beliefs in personal agency and self-expression.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a range of emotions, including unease, oppression, and submission. The visual and thematic elements combine to create a powerful emotional impact on the audience.

Dialogue: 6

The scene is primarily driven by visual and physical storytelling rather than dialogue. The limited dialogue that is present serves to enhance the atmosphere and characterization rather than drive the plot.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its intriguing premise, dark humor, and surreal imagery that captivate the audience's attention. The tension between the characters and the oppressive setting keeps the viewers invested in the unfolding events.

Pacing: 8.5

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, creating a sense of unease and anticipation as the characters navigate the authoritarian demands of Malkovich. The rhythm of the dialogue and actions enhances the scene's impact.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting aligns with the genre expectations of a screenplay, effectively translating the visual and tonal aspects of the scene onto the page. It enhances the reader's understanding of the unique world and characters.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a unique structure that deviates from traditional norms, effectively conveying the surreal and dystopian elements of the narrative. The formatting enhances the atmosphere and thematic depth of the scene.


Critique
  • The scene effectively amplifies the film's surreal and dystopian themes, showcasing the dire consequences of Craig's actions and the possession of Malkovich. The gray, colorless world serves as a powerful visual metaphor for the loss of individuality, emotion, and humanity, directly tying into the overarching narrative of identity theft and control. However, this metaphor might feel overly abrupt or heavy-handed if not sufficiently foreshadowed in earlier scenes, potentially alienating viewers who haven't fully grasped the escalating stakes from the possession plotline. As a teaching point, this highlights the importance of building thematic elements gradually to ensure emotional payoff rather than relying on a sudden, stark reveal.
  • Malkovich's portrayal as a tyrannical, multi-voiced figure floating on a throne is a strong character evolution, emphasizing his transformation from a victim to a symbol of oppressive power. The use of 'fifty voices' in his dialogue reinforces the collective possession by the Malkovichians, adding a layer of horror and absurdity that fits the film's tone. That said, the dialogue exchange with Floris, particularly her mishearing 'subjects' as 'subtext,' introduces a comedic element that could clash with the otherwise grim atmosphere. This might undermine the scene's intensity, making it feel tonally inconsistent; as a critique for improvement, screenwriters should ensure that humor serves the narrative rather than diluting key moments of dread, perhaps by integrating such quirks more seamlessly into Floris's character or reserving them for lighter scenes.
  • The silent, joyless dance sequence is a visually striking and innovative choice that conveys the mechanization of society under Malkovich's rule, with Maxine's inclusion as an anonymous dancer adding ironic depth given her earlier agency. This visual storytelling is commendable for its efficiency in showing rather than telling the audience about the loss of free will. However, the lack of sound or emotional variation in the dance could make it feel repetitive or monotonous on screen, risking disengagement. From a teaching perspective, this scene could benefit from more dynamic direction, such as varying shot lengths or subtle audio cues (e.g., faint heartbeats or breathing) to heighten tension and maintain viewer interest, illustrating how sensory elements can enhance visual metaphors without overpowering them.
  • The scene's brevity and surreal nature make it a fitting penultimate moment, contrasting sharply with Craig's dejection in the previous scene to underscore themes of isolation and consequence. However, the transition via fade-in might not provide enough contextual clarity for all audiences, especially regarding the time jump indicated by the chyron 'LATER THAT WEEK.' This could confuse viewers about how the world changed so drastically, potentially weakening the narrative flow. As a suggestion for writers, ensuring smoother transitions between scenes can help maintain coherence in a non-linear or fantastical story, reminding creators to use transitional devices like chyrons or brief establishing shots more effectively to guide the audience.
  • Overall, the scene excels in visual symbolism and thematic closure but could be criticized for underdeveloping the human cost of the dystopia. For instance, while people collapse during the dance, there's no exploration of their suffering or resistance, which might make the world feel too abstract. This lack of emotional depth could leave readers or viewers feeling detached, as it prioritizes spectacle over character impact. In teaching screenwriting, this underscores the balance between style and substance: while surrealism is a strength here, grounding it with more personal stakes—perhaps through a closer focus on Maxine's internal conflict or a brief flashback—could make the scene more resonant and emotionally engaging.
Suggestions
  • Refine Floris's dialogue to better align with the scene's tone; for example, change her mishearing to something more subtle or character-specific that adds to the absurdity without breaking immersion, ensuring it ties back to her established traits from earlier scenes like her miscommunications in the office.
  • Enhance the visual and auditory elements of the dance sequence by adding varied camera angles, such as close-ups on collapsing dancers or wide shots to emphasize the scale, and incorporate minimal sound design (e.g., muffled thuds or rhythmic breathing) to build tension and make the silence more impactful, preventing the sequence from feeling static.
  • Strengthen the transition from the previous scene by adding a short voiceover or visual cue during the fade-in that references Craig's defeat or the possession event, clarifying the cause-and-effect relationship and making the dystopian shift feel more organic and less jarring for the audience.
  • Introduce a moment of subtle resistance or emotion from a character like Maxine during the dance—perhaps a fleeting expression or a hesitant step—to add layers to her arc and highlight the theme of lost autonomy, making the scene more dynamic and emotionally charged without altering its core concept.
  • Extend the scene slightly to include a brief aftermath, such as a cut to Malkovich's reaction or a wide shot of the street returning to normalcy, to provide closure and reinforce the scene's role in the narrative, ensuring it doesn't end too abruptly and allows the audience to process the surreal elements.



Scene 59 -  A Bittersweet Farewell
EXT. CENTRAL PARK - DAY
Bird's eye view of the park. It's all painted gray. Every
tree, every leaf. There's no sign of life. The camera moves
in, through some gray trees and gray brush to:
A LUSH GREEN OASIS CAMOUFLAGED ON THE TOP AND SIDES WITH
GRAY PAINT
This place is filled with life: Colorful birds, lizards,
cats, a rooster. All the animals are active, happy, but
totally silent, as if they know the precariousness of their
position. Lotte and Elijah sit among them. These are the
animals that she freed earlier. Lotte and Elijah hold hands
and look into each other's eyes. We see that they both wear
gold bands. They are husband and wife. Elijah signs.
ELIJAH
Must you take this terrible demon on
yourself, my love?
LOTTE
Yes. I'm the only one. I have to
enter Malkovich and destroy him from
the inside. If not me, who?
ELIJAH
If there was any way I could go in
your place. But I'm only a monkey
and...

LOTTE
(puts finger to his
lips)
Hush, sweetheart.
Lotte slips into a gray jumpsuit. She stuffs a homemade bomb
on her pocket. She and Elijah kiss passionately, then embrace.
LOTTE
(to the animals)
I'll be with you always, my friends.
Who knows, maybe if I'm lucky, I'll
rejoin you with wings and a beak.
ELIJAH
Wings and a halo, my darling. Wings
and a halo.
Lotte turns quickly. This is too much to bear. She descends
into a storm drain. The animals stop what they're doing.
PARROT
(softly)
Good-bye. Good-bye.
DISSOLVE TO:
Genres: ["Fantasy","Drama","Surreal"]

Summary In a hidden green oasis within a gray-painted Central Park, Lotte and Elijah share an intimate moment before Lotte embarks on a dangerous mission to confront a demon. Despite Elijah's concerns about her safety, Lotte is resolute, preparing herself with a gray jumpsuit and a homemade bomb. They exchange a passionate farewell, with Lotte joking about returning as an animal, while Elijah corrects her with a more hopeful notion. As she descends into a storm drain, the animals pause in silence, and a parrot softly bids her goodbye, marking a poignant and emotional departure.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Symbolism
  • Visual contrast
  • Character sacrifice
Weaknesses
  • Limited dialogue
  • Potential for confusion in the surreal elements

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene is rich in emotional depth, symbolism, and visual contrast, creating a compelling and thought-provoking narrative. The sacrifice and determination of the characters, along with the surreal setting, make it a standout moment.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of sacrifice, redemption, and the contrast between life and emptiness is powerfully portrayed. Lotte's decision to enter Malkovich adds a unique twist to the narrative.

Plot: 8

The plot advances significantly with Lotte's decision to enter Malkovich and the introduction of the gray world contrasted with the oasis. It sets the stage for a dramatic and emotional resolution.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh approach to the theme of sacrifice and duty, set against a unique backdrop of a hidden oasis in a desolate world. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and contribute to the scene's originality.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

Lotte's determination and sacrifice, Elijah's support, and the silent, obedient gray-clad people all contribute to the emotional depth of the scene. Each character's actions drive the narrative forward.

Character Changes: 8

Lotte undergoes a significant change as she prepares to sacrifice herself to destroy Malkovich. Her resolve and determination showcase her growth and selflessness.

Internal Goal: 9

Lotte's internal goal is to sacrifice herself by entering Malkovich to destroy him from the inside. This reflects her sense of duty, selflessness, and willingness to take on a dangerous task for the greater good.

External Goal: 8

Lotte's external goal is to enter Malkovich and eliminate him to protect others from his threat. This goal is driven by the immediate danger posed by Malkovich.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The internal conflict within Lotte as she prepares to sacrifice herself and the external conflict of Malkovich's control over the gray-clad people create tension and emotional stakes.

Opposition: 7.5

The opposition in the scene is strong, as Lotte faces internal and external obstacles in her mission to confront Malkovich. The uncertainty of the outcome adds to the tension and suspense.

High Stakes: 8

The high stakes are evident in Lotte's decision to sacrifice herself to destroy Malkovich and the control he exerts over the gray-clad people. The outcome will have significant consequences for the characters and the world.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by setting up a climactic confrontation between Lotte and Malkovich, highlighting the themes of sacrifice and redemption, and deepening the emotional stakes.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected turn of events, such as Lotte's decision to sacrifice herself and the surreal elements like the hidden oasis in the gray park.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict lies in the sacrifice and duty that Lotte feels compelled to undertake, juxtaposed with Elijah's desire to protect her and his own limitations. This challenges their beliefs about sacrifice, love, and personal responsibility.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes a strong emotional response through themes of sacrifice, determination, and the contrast between life and emptiness. Lotte's decision and the silent dance of the gray-clad people create a poignant and haunting atmosphere.

Dialogue: 7

The scene relies more on visual storytelling and actions rather than dialogue. The limited dialogue enhances the silent, surreal atmosphere of the gray world and the emotional weight of the characters' decisions.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its blend of mystery, emotional depth, and impending danger. The characters' decisions and the surreal setting captivate the audience's attention.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and emotional resonance, leading to Lotte's pivotal decision. The rhythm of the dialogue and actions enhances the scene's effectiveness.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting adheres to the expected format for the genre, with clear scene descriptions, character actions, and dialogue that enhance the visual and emotional impact of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a structured format that effectively transitions between settings, develops character relationships, and builds tension towards Lotte's decision to enter Malkovich.


Critique
  • This scene effectively captures a poignant emotional farewell, emphasizing Lotte's sacrificial journey and her bond with Elijah, which serves as a touching culmination of her character arc from a passive wife to an active resistor. The contrast between the gray, lifeless exterior of Central Park and the hidden green oasis is a strong visual metaphor for hope and resistance amidst oppression, reinforcing the film's surreal and dystopian themes. However, the dialogue occasionally feels overly expository and sentimental, such as Lotte's line about rejoining the animals with 'wings and a beak,' which might come across as clichéd and reduce the scene's authenticity, potentially alienating viewers who expect more nuanced emotional beats in a screenplay with such absurd elements.
  • The use of Elijah's sign language is innovative and adds depth to their relationship, humanizing the monkey and highlighting themes of communication and empathy. Yet, it risks feeling gimmicky or cartoonish in a live-action context, especially if not executed with careful visual translation (e.g., subtitles or clear acting choices), which could undermine the scene's seriousness and make it harder for the audience to connect emotionally. Additionally, the silent animals create a eerie, tense atmosphere that builds suspense, but this choice might be underutilized; without more dynamic visual or auditory cues, the scene could feel static and less engaging during what should be a high-stakes moment leading into the climax.
  • Pacing-wise, the scene builds tension effectively with Lotte's preparation and farewell, but it might rush through the emotional core, particularly in the embrace and departure, which could benefit from more lingering shots or subtle actions to allow the audience to absorb the weight of the moment. The homemade bomb prop is a clever nod to Lotte's resourcefulness and the story's DIY aesthetic, but it lacks buildup or explanation, potentially confusing viewers about its origin and significance, especially since it appears suddenly without prior foreshadowing in the immediate context.
  • In terms of overall narrative fit, this scene provides a necessary emotional pause before the finale, contrasting the chaotic possession in previous scenes with a moment of quiet resolve. However, it could better tie into the broader themes of identity and control by drawing more explicit parallels to earlier events, such as Lotte's experiences with the portal or her cult involvement, to make her decision feel more earned and less abrupt. The surreal elements, like the gray-painted world, are consistent with the film's style, but they might overshadow the human elements here, making Lotte's internal conflict feel secondary to the spectacle.
  • Finally, the tone strikes a balance between melancholy and hope, with the parrot's soft 'good-bye' adding a bittersweet humor that fits the film's quirky voice. Nevertheless, this humor could inadvertently lighten the gravity of Lotte's sacrifice, and without stronger directional cues or actor performances, the scene might not fully convey the urgency and stakes, leaving some viewers disconnected from the emotional payoff in the lead-up to the climax.
Suggestions
  • Refine the dialogue to be more subtle and character-specific; for instance, rephrase Lotte's farewell to the animals to incorporate personal references from earlier scenes, making it feel more organic and less on-the-nose, while ensuring Elijah's sign language is visually depicted through close-ups of his hands and Lotte's reactions to enhance authenticity and engagement.
  • Amplify the visual storytelling by adding more sensory details, such as subtle sounds from the animals breaking the silence at key moments or using camera movements to emphasize the transition from the gray exterior to the vibrant oasis, which could heighten the contrast and immerse the audience more deeply in the scene's emotional and thematic layers.
  • Extend the pacing of the farewell sequence with additional beats, like a slow pan across the animals' faces to show their silent support or a brief flashback to Lotte's earlier life with the pets, to build tension and make the sacrifice feel more profound and connected to her character development.
  • Incorporate subtle foreshadowing for the homemade bomb earlier in the script or through visual cues in this scene, such as Lotte assembling it off-screen or referencing her resourcefulness, to make its introduction less abrupt and more believable within the story's logic.
  • Strengthen the integration with the overall narrative by including a line or visual nod to Lotte's past experiences, such as a quick cut to her reflection in a puddle showing her cult days, to reinforce her motivations and ensure the scene feels like a natural progression rather than an isolated emotional interlude.



Scene 60 -  Strings of Deception
EXT. MERTIN-FLEMMER BUILDING - DAY
A man-hole cover lifts. Lotte pokes her head out. The coast
is clear. She emerges. Assumes the dead-eyed expression of
the others, and enters the building.
CUT TO:
INT. ELEVATOR - DAY
Lotte watches the floors change. After seven, she presses
the emergency stop button. The elevator jerks to a halt.
She picks up the crow bar in the corner, pries open the door.
The 7 1/2 floor is gone. Nothing is there but pipes and wires
and beams. She climbs out onto the floor.
CUT TO:
INT. BETWEEN FLOORS - CONTINUOUS
Lotte searched the floor for some sign of the portal. It is
nowhere to be found. There is a noise behind her. She turns
with a start. It's Craig, ragged and ill-shaven.
LOTTE
My God!

CRAIG
I'm so glad you're safe. You look
really wonderful.
LOTTE
I'm in love. For the first time.
It's funny, but when it happens to
you, there's no question.
CRAIG
He's a lucky man.
(beat)
Do I know him?
LOTTE
It's Elijah.
CRAIG
The iguana?
LOTTE
The monkey.
CRAIG
Oh, right. As long as you're happy.
I'm sure he's a better lover than I
ever was.
LOTTE
A better friend.
CRAIG
(beat)
I'm sorry for everything.
LOTTE
(pecking him on the
cheek)
It's okay, Craig. It all worked out,
in an odd sort of way.
CRAIG
You came up here looking for the
portal?
LOTTE
Yeah. I was going to kill him from
the inside.
CRAIG
And yourself too in the process.
God, you're so beautiful. Why couldn't
I see that before?

LOTTE
You saw it once. Now you see it again.
That's life, isn't it? And you were
up here to try the same thing, weren't
you?
CRAIG
I suppose. But they got here first,
the lousy bastards. So now it's all
over, I guess.
LOTTE
I don't know. There's a small
community of us. We have a place
they don't know about. We're happy.
We'll keep trying to figure out a
way. Come stay with us. Join the
struggle.
CRAIG
You'll have me, after all I've done
to you?
LOTTE
People make mistakes.
CRAIG
I'm through with puppets, Lotte. I
just want you to know that.
LOTTE
I know.
CRAIG
I'd like to be a farmer. I want to
help things grow, to encourage life.
Do you and your friends need a farmer?
LOTTE
Sure. We could really use a farmer.
We'd be grateful for the help.
(beat)
Also, I think, you know, if you
wouldn't mind too terribly, a little
puppet show every once in a while,
would do a lot to lift our spirits.
You know, if you wouldn't mind too
terribly.
Craig's eyes well up with tears. Lotte looks at him sweetly.
LOTTE
Oh honey. It's gonna be okay.
She puts her arm around him and leads him toward the elevator.

CRAIG
I love you, Lotte.
We come on very close to Craig's arm as he lifts it to put
it around Lotte. We see a thin almost invisible filament.
We follow it up, and discover that Craig is now a marionette
being controlled from above by an emotionless Mantini in a
gray jumpsuit.
MANTINI
(in Craig's voice)
I can't wait to see where you and
your friends live, Lotte.
LOTTE (O.S.)
It's beautiful, Craig, like Eden.
Now we see filaments attached to Mantini's arms, and w follow
them up to find that Flemmer is controlling Mantini.
FLEMMER
One serpent, coming up.
Flemmer throws his head back and laughs. The camera moves
into his mouth and down his throat, which, oddly enough,
looks exactly like the membranous John Malkovich portal
tunnel.
MUSIC IN: "Put Your Hand Inside The Puppet Head" by They
Might Be Giants. It plays throughout the credits.
FADE OUT
THE END
Genres: ["Fantasy","Surreal","Drama"]

Summary In scene 60, Lotte emerges from a man-hole cover and enters the Mertin-Flemmer building, where she has a heartfelt conversation with Craig, revealing her love for Elijah and inviting him to join her rebel community. Their emotional reconciliation is abruptly subverted when it's revealed that Craig is a marionette controlled by Mantini, who is in turn manipulated by Flemmer. The scene culminates in a darkly humorous twist as the camera moves into Flemmer's mouth, leading into the credits with the song 'Put Your Hand Inside The Puppet Head,' highlighting themes of control and deception.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Surreal atmosphere
  • Character development
  • Symbolism through puppetry
Weaknesses
  • Potential confusion due to surreal elements
  • Complex thematic layers may require multiple viewings to fully grasp

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.7

The scene effectively combines fantasy elements with emotional depth, showcasing character growth and redemption. The concept of controlling characters through marionette strings adds a unique twist to the narrative, enhancing the overall impact.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of using marionette strings to symbolize control and redemption is innovative and adds a layer of depth to the scene. It explores themes of manipulation, forgiveness, and personal growth in a creative and engaging way.

Plot: 8.5

The plot of the scene revolves around redemption, love, and forgiveness, with a focus on character growth and self-realization. The narrative progression is engaging and thought-provoking.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces unique elements such as hidden floors, secret communities, and characters controlled like puppets, offering fresh and imaginative storytelling. The dialogue feels authentic and reveals the characters' inner conflicts effectively.


Character Development

Characters: 8.6

The characters in the scene undergo significant development, particularly Craig and Lotte. Their interactions and emotional journey drive the narrative forward and add depth to the storytelling.

Character Changes: 9

The characters undergo significant changes throughout the scene, particularly in terms of self-realization, forgiveness, and growth. Their emotional journey drives the narrative forward and adds depth to the storytelling.

Internal Goal: 8

Lotte's internal goal in this scene is to find the portal and confront Elijah from the inside. This reflects her need for closure, resolution, and possibly revenge, showcasing her determination and emotional depth.

External Goal: 7.5

Lotte's external goal is to find a way to resist the control of Mantini and Flemmer, and to offer Craig a chance at redemption and a new purpose. This goal reflects the immediate challenge of escaping manipulation and finding hope in a seemingly hopeless situation.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7.5

The conflict in the scene is primarily internal, focusing on the characters' struggles with control, forgiveness, and self-acceptance. The tension arises from their emotional journey and inner conflicts.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with characters facing internal and external conflicts that challenge their beliefs and motivations. The uncertainty of outcomes adds to the dramatic tension.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes in the scene are primarily emotional and psychological, focusing on the characters' internal struggles and personal growth. The outcome of their journey has significant implications for their relationships and self-acceptance.

Story Forward: 9

The scene effectively moves the story forward by exploring key themes, developing characters, and setting the stage for future events. It advances the narrative while providing emotional depth and reflection.

Unpredictability: 8.5

This scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected revelations about characters being controlled like puppets, the hidden community, and the shifting dynamics between Lotte, Craig, and the manipulative figures. These elements keep the audience on edge.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around themes of control, redemption, and the nature of free will. It challenges the characters' beliefs about agency, forgiveness, and the possibility of change.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking feelings of empathy, reflection, and hope. The characters' emotional journey and the themes of redemption resonate with the audience, creating a powerful connection.

Dialogue: 8.3

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the emotional depth and inner turmoil of the characters. It adds to the surreal atmosphere and enhances the overall impact of the narrative.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its blend of mystery, emotional depth, and unexpected twists. The interactions between characters, the unfolding secrets of the world, and the evolving relationships keep the audience captivated.

Pacing: 8.5

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, allowing moments of introspection and emotional connection to resonate. The rhythm of the dialogue and actions enhances the scene's impact.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting adheres to the expected format for a screenplay, with clear scene descriptions, character dialogue, and transitions. It effectively conveys the visual and emotional aspects of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a non-linear structure that enhances the sense of mystery and suspense. It effectively transitions between different locations and character interactions, maintaining a cohesive narrative flow.


Critique
  • This scene serves as a poignant and ironic conclusion to the screenplay's themes of identity, control, and deception, effectively tying together the motif of puppetry with a final twist that reinforces the absurdity and cyclical nature of the narrative. However, the emotional reconciliation between Lotte and Craig feels somewhat rushed and overly sentimental, potentially clashing with the film's established tone of dark humor and surrealism. This shift from heartfelt dialogue to the marionette reveal might undermine the sincerity of their interaction, making it difficult for the audience to invest in the characters' emotions before the twist invalidates them, which could leave viewers feeling manipulated rather than satisfied.
  • The twist revelation—that Craig is a puppet controlled by Mantini, who is in turn controlled by Flemmer— is a clever callback to the central metaphor of the story, emphasizing how no one is truly in control. Yet, it risks feeling unearned if not sufficiently foreshadowed in earlier scenes, as the summary of previous events shows a focus on possession and external influences, but this specific layer of nested control might come across as abrupt. This could confuse audiences or dilute the impact of the twist, especially in a finale where clarity and emotional payoff are crucial for a strong ending.
  • Visually and thematically, the scene is strong, with the camera movement into Flemmer's mouth mirroring the portal entrance, creating a seamless transition to the credits and evoking the film's dreamlike quality. However, the dialogue during the reconciliation is expository and on-the-nose, such as Craig's declaration of wanting to be a farmer and Lotte's invitation to join the community, which spells out character arcs too explicitly. This reduces subtlety and might make the scene feel less cinematic, as it prioritizes telling over showing, potentially weakening the dramatic tension in a key moment.
  • As the final scene, it attempts to provide closure by resolving Lotte and Craig's personal conflict and hinting at ongoing struggle, but it leaves major plot threads—such as the fate of Malkovich and the dystopian world—unresolved or ambiguously addressed. This could frustrate viewers expecting a more definitive ending, especially since Lotte's mission to destroy the demon is abandoned without confrontation, shifting focus to the infiltration of her community. While this open-endedness fits the absurdist genre, it might benefit from stronger thematic resolution to avoid a sense of incompleteness.
  • The use of multiple cuts and the progression from emotional intimacy to horrific revelation builds suspense effectively, but the pacing feels uneven. The heartfelt exchange takes up significant screen time, which contrasts with the swift, shocking twist, potentially disrupting the rhythm. Additionally, the humor in the twist—Flemmer's laugh and the song cue—works well for the tone, but it might overshadow the emotional weight, making the scene more comedic than cathartic, which could misalign with the story's deeper explorations of loneliness and identity.
Suggestions
  • Add subtle foreshadowing in earlier scenes to build toward the nested puppet revelation, such as hints of unnatural movements or references to Mantini and Flemmer's influence, to make the twist feel more organic and less sudden, enhancing audience engagement and payoff.
  • Refine the dialogue to be more nuanced and less expository; for example, show Craig's desire to change through actions or indirect speech, allowing the audience to infer his transformation rather than having him state it outright, which would maintain the film's surreal tone and improve emotional depth.
  • Extend or adjust the pacing to balance the emotional beats with the twist; perhaps intercut the reconciliation with brief, ominous visuals (e.g., subtle string-like shadows) to create tension and prevent the sentimentality from dominating, ensuring a smoother transition and better integration of humor and drama.
  • Strengthen thematic closure by incorporating a small resolution or callback to unresolved elements, such as a line about the gray world or Malkovich's fate, to provide a sense of finality while preserving ambiguity, helping the audience feel that the story arcs are addressed even in this absurd context.
  • Consider enhancing the visual storytelling to emphasize the puppetry theme; for instance, use more dynamic camera work or symbolic imagery during the reconciliation to hint at the manipulation, making the reveal more visually striking and reinforcing the film's core metaphors without relying solely on dialogue.