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Scene 1 -  Chaos and Control
THE IMITATION GAME


Written by
Graham Moore




Based on
"Alan Turing: The Enigma"
By Andrew Hodges


BLACK.

ALAN TURING (V.O.)
Are you paying attention?


INT. ALAN TURING’S HOUSE - DAY - 1951

A HALF-DOZEN POLICE OFFICERS swarm the Manchester home of
mathematics professor Alan Turing.

ALAN TURING (V.O.)
Good. This is going to go very
quickly now. If you are not
listening carefully, you will miss
things. Important things. You’re
writing some of this down? That’s
good.

INSIDE ALAN’S HOUSE: There's been a break-in, and the house
is a mess - someone has given it a pretty thorough once-over.

ALAN TURING (V.O.)
I will not pause, I will not repeat
myself, and you will not interrupt
me. If you ask me a question, I
will ignore it. You think that
because you’re sitting where you
are, and I am sitting where I am,
that you are in control of what is
about to happen. You’re mistaken. I
am in control, because I know
things that you do not know.

PAPERS inked black with mathematical symbols litter the
floor. The test tubes and beakers of Turing's chemical work
are shattered in the study, CYANIDE and POTASSIUM NITRATE
DRIPPING ACROSS THE UGLY CARPET.

ALAN TURING (V.O.)
What I will need from you now is a
commitment. You will listen
closely, and you will not judge me.


And, in the corner: A MACHINE. It’s the size of a dresser,
tall, sprouting VACUUM TUBES and WIRES. It looks
anachronistic here, too futuristic for its time.

The CONSTABLES LOOK AT THE MACHINE, CONFUSED: What is that
thing?


ALAN TURING (V.O.)
When I am finished — when I have
told you that I am finished — you
are free to think whatever you
like. But until then, you will
trust that while this story will be
hard for you to understand,
everything I am saying I am saying
for a reason.

A CONSTABLE PHONES IN the robbery to police headquarters —


INT. POLICE HEADQUATERS - DAY

— At headquarters, a RADIO GIRL RECEIVES the information and
passes it to an assistant for delivery to the detectives on
duty —


INT. MI-6 - RADIO OPERATORS’ ROOM/HALLWAYS - DAY

— While in London, a RADIO OPERATOR in a dark room far below
Victoria Street INTERCEPTS THE MESSAGE —

ALAN TURING (V.O.)
If you cannot commit to this, then
please leave the room. That’s
right, you’re the one who’s free to
go. But if you choose to stay, if
you choose to listen, remember
this: If things happen that you do
not like, you chose to be here.

— The MESSAGE is HANDED OFF and WHISKED through the dim
hallways —
Genres: ["Drama","Biography","Historical"]

Summary In a tense scene set in 1951 Manchester, Alan Turing addresses police officers investigating a break-in at his ransacked home. Despite the officers' authority, Turing asserts control, urging them to listen carefully to his explanations, even as they struggle to comprehend his chaotic surroundings filled with mathematical papers and a mysterious machine. The officers relay the incident to MI-6, underscoring the serious implications of Turing's situation.
Strengths
  • Effective use of voiceover to establish tone and character
  • Intriguing introduction of central mystery and conflict
  • Strong visual imagery and atmosphere
Weaknesses
  • Lack of significant character development in this scene
  • Some elements may be too cryptic for initial understanding

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively sets up a sense of mystery and intrigue while establishing Alan Turing as a complex and enigmatic character. The use of voiceover adds depth to the narrative and keeps the audience engaged.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of the scene, focusing on the aftermath of a break-in at Alan Turing's house and the introduction of the mysterious machine, is intriguing and sets up the central themes of the screenplay.

Plot: 8

The plot is advanced through the introduction of the break-in and the machine, setting up questions and conflicts that will drive the story forward.

Originality: 9

The scene is original in its portrayal of a historical figure in a tense and mysterious situation. The dialogue and actions feel authentic and engaging, adding depth to the characters and plot.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The character of Alan Turing is established as enigmatic and complex, with layers that hint at deeper motivations and secrets. The police officers are also introduced as curious and somewhat skeptical characters.

Character Changes: 7

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the introduction of Alan Turing as a complex and enigmatic character sets the stage for potential development and growth.

Internal Goal: 9

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to maintain control and assert his authority over the police officers. This reflects Turing's need for autonomy and his desire to protect his work and secrets.

External Goal: 8

The protagonist's external goal is to explain the situation to the police officers and make them understand the importance of his work and the events that have transpired in his home.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict in the scene is subtle but present, with hints of power dynamics and secrets that will drive the narrative forward.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting goals and power dynamics that create uncertainty and challenge the characters' beliefs and actions.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are subtly introduced through the mysterious break-in and the enigmatic machine, hinting at larger conflicts and secrets that will unfold.

Story Forward: 9

The scene effectively moves the story forward by introducing key elements and setting up questions and conflicts that will drive the narrative.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected power dynamics and revelations that challenge the audience's expectations and assumptions about the characters.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between the protagonist's need for control and the police officers' need for order and understanding. Turing's belief in the importance of his work clashes with the officers' need to investigate and maintain law and order.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene creates a sense of intrigue and curiosity, engaging the audience emotionally and setting up a strong foundation for the story to unfold.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue effectively conveys the authoritative and mysterious tone of the scene, with Alan Turing's voiceover adding depth to his character.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its tense atmosphere, sharp dialogue, and mysterious elements that keep the audience intrigued and invested in the characters' motivations.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension and suspense through quick dialogue exchanges and dynamic action.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear descriptions and dialogue that enhance the atmosphere and character dynamics.

Structure: 9

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, effectively building tension and conflict through dialogue and action.


Critique
  • The voice-over narration by Alan Turing is effective in establishing his character as both authoritative and enigmatic. However, it risks distancing the audience from the immediate action. Consider integrating more visual storytelling to complement the voice-over, allowing viewers to engage with the scene on multiple levels.
  • The chaotic state of Turing's home is vividly described, creating a strong visual impact. However, the scene could benefit from more sensory details—sounds, smells, and textures—to immerse the audience further in the environment. For instance, describing the sound of glass crunching underfoot or the acrid smell of chemicals could enhance the atmosphere.
  • Turing's assertion of control over the police officers is compelling, but it may come off as overly didactic. The dialogue could be more nuanced, allowing for moments of tension or pushback from the officers, which would create a more dynamic interaction and highlight Turing's isolation and desperation.
  • The introduction of the machine is intriguing, but it feels somewhat abrupt. A brief moment of the officers' reactions or a flashback to Turing's work with the machine could provide context and deepen the audience's understanding of its significance.
  • The pacing of the scene is brisk, which aligns with Turing's urgency. However, it may be beneficial to slow down at key moments to allow the audience to absorb the gravity of the situation. For example, pausing after Turing's warning about judgment could heighten the tension and emphasize his vulnerability.
  • The transition between the various locations (Turing's house, police headquarters, MI-6) is somewhat disjointed. Consider using visual or auditory cues to create smoother transitions, such as a sound bridge or a visual motif that connects the scenes.
Suggestions
  • Incorporate more sensory details to enhance the atmosphere of Turing's home, making the audience feel the chaos and urgency of the moment.
  • Allow for more dynamic interactions between Turing and the police officers, perhaps by including moments of resistance or confusion from the officers to highlight Turing's isolation.
  • Consider adding a brief flashback or visual cue that provides context for the machine, helping the audience understand its significance in Turing's life and work.
  • Slow down the pacing at critical moments to allow the audience to absorb the emotional weight of Turing's situation, particularly when he discusses judgment and control.
  • Use visual or auditory motifs to create smoother transitions between the different locations, enhancing the flow of the narrative.



Scene 2 -  The Unraveling of Alan Turing
INT. MI-6 - MENZIES OFFICE - DAY

— Until it’s finally deposited on the desk of STEWART
MENZIES, the Director of MI-6. British Secret Intelligence
Services.

ALAN TURING (V.O.)
What happens from this moment
forward is not my responsibility:
It’s yours.

Menzies picks up the message: “Alan Turing has been robbed.”

ALAN TURING (V.O.)
This will go quite fast now.
(laughs)
And that is the last time I will
repeat myself. Pay attention.


EXT. ALAN TURNING’S HOUSE - MORNING

DETECTIVE ROBERT NOCK, 40s, athletic, more interested in
football than being a detective, hustles past a few double-
parked police cars and up the steps and into:


INT. ALAN TURNING’S HOUSE - CONTINUOUS

Detective Nock enters to find the same messy crime scene we
just saw. He’s addressed by SERGEANT STAEHL.

SGT. STAEHL
Bit late, don’t you think?

DETECTIVE NOCK
The baby. Up all night, hollering
and crying. June says it’s collick.
(re: the mess)
What’s all this, then?

SGT. STAEHL
Turing, Alan. Professor at King’s.
Seems there’s been a robbery.

DETECTIVE NOCK
What of?

SGT. STAEHL
That’s just it. Nothing’s missing,
really.

DETECTIVE NOCK
No, what’s he a professor of?

SGT. STAEHL
(consulting notes)
Maths. Or, as he put it, “ordinal
logic, with a dose of number
theory.”

ON NOCK: What on earth does that mean?

Staehl shrugs.

DETECTIVE NOCK
What’s he doing in Manchester?

Sergeant Staehl shows Nock the MACHINE in the corner.

ON NOCK: What the hell is that?

SGT. STAEHL
Something with machines. Project at
the NPL, I checked, but he won’t
say what it’s on.


DETECTIVE NOCK
He’s a bit squirrely then, our
Professor Turing?

SGT. STAEHL
That’s putting it mildly.

Sergeant Staehl motions to the next room, and he follows Nock
in...

... Where they find ALAN TURING, 38. He’s the smartest man in
the room, and he knows it. But he doesn’t really care if you
do.

Turing is VERY CAREFULLY sweeping up a pile of WHITE POWDER.

He’s doing it with a PAINTBRUSH, his mouth covered in a
scarf.

He’s totally oblivious to the detectives as they enter.

DETECTIVE NOCK
Professor Turing?
(beat)
Professor Turing? My name is
Detective Nock. Manchester Police.
Sergeant Staehl here tells me
you’ve had a robbery last night.
(still nothing)
Professor Turing?

Detective Nock steps closer, peering over Turing’s shoulder
at the white powder.

DETECTIVE NOCK (CONT’D)
Professor —

ALAN TURING
— I would step back, if I were you.

DETECTIVE NOCK
Pardon me?

ALAN TURING
Step back, and don’t breathe so
much.

DETECTIVE NOCK
Breathe?

ALAN TURING
You’re breathing heavily and you’re
going to inhale this junk and
you’re going to leave your collicky
son without a father.


Detective Nock stops, and steps back. What in the world?

ALAN TURING (CONT’D)
Sound carries in this house.

DETECTIVE NOCK
What is all that?

ALAN TURING
Cyanide. Undiluted. Wouldn’t take
more than a thimbleful to kill you.

Turing finishes sweeping the cyanide into a jar, before
safely CAPPING IT.

Turing stands, removes his scarf, and for the first time
takes a look at Detective Nock. Sizes him up.

ALAN TURING (CONT’D)
Oh. Disappointing.

Detective Knock and Sergeant Staehl exchange a look.

DETECTIVE NOCK
Pardon?

ALAN TURING
I’d hoped for a bit more.

DETECTIVE NOCK
Sergeant Staehl, is it just me, or
do you get the sense that we’re
being insulted?

ALAN TURING
(to Nock)
You lied to your friend here about
your son, which is just unseemly.
Collick didn’t keep you up all
night. Drink did. You’ve bags under
your eyes the size of strawberries.
Your topcoat reeks of whiskey.
You’re short of breath after
walking 30 paces. And I believe
Manchester United had a match
yesterday, yes? I could hear the
shouting from Simpson’s on my way
home.

DETECTIVE NOCK
(caught)
... We won by four. Would’ve been
unseemly not to celebrate.

Sergeant Staehl SIGHS, embarrassed.


SGT. STAEHL
You had a break in last night. Your
neighbor, a Mr. Springborn, called
to report the noise. Only you say
there’s nothing missing. Odd. So
how about it — You tell us what
happened, and we find the chap who
did this.

ALAN TURING
Gentlemen, I don’t think you could
figure out who broke into my house
if he walked up and spat in your
face. What I could really use at
the moment is not a bobby but a
good cleaning lady. So unless one
of you has an apron in your car,
I’d suggest that you file your
reports and leave me alone.

Staehl is about to say something — and probably something
aggressive, by the look of his face — but Nock stops him.

DETECTIVE NOCK
... As you say, Professor Turing.
Best of luck with your cyanide.
Genres: ["Drama","Mystery","Crime"]

Summary In a tense and humorous scene, Detective Robert Nock and Sergeant Staehl arrive at Alan Turing's home to investigate a reported robbery. However, they find Turing calmly cleaning up cyanide powder, seemingly indifferent to the detectives' presence. Turing outsmarts Nock with his keen observations and dismisses their inquiries, expressing disdain for their investigative skills. Ultimately, the detectives leave, acknowledging Turing's request for privacy and a cleaning lady instead.
Strengths
  • Sharp dialogue
  • Intriguing character dynamics
  • Mystery and suspense
Weaknesses
  • Limited emotional impact
  • Lack of significant character development

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene is well-written with sharp dialogue and intriguing character dynamics. The introduction of cyanide adds a layer of suspense and danger to the story, while Alan Turing's complex personality keeps the audience engaged.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the scene, focusing on a mysterious break-in and the introduction of cyanide, is intriguing and sets up future plot developments. The scene effectively establishes the tone and themes of the screenplay.

Plot: 8.5

The plot of the scene is engaging, with the introduction of the robbery and the unique character of Alan Turing driving the narrative forward. The conflict and stakes are effectively established, keeping the audience invested.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a unique blend of intelligence, crime, and academia, creating a fresh and intriguing setting. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and add depth to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters in the scene, especially Alan Turing, are well-developed and intriguing. Their interactions and dialogue reveal depth and complexity, adding layers to the story.

Character Changes: 8

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the interactions between Alan Turing and the detectives reveal more about their personalities and motivations.

Internal Goal: 8

Alan Turing's internal goal in this scene is to maintain control and assert his intellectual superiority. He wants to show that he is in charge and knows more than the detectives, reflecting his need for recognition and validation of his intelligence.

External Goal: 7.5

Alan Turing's external goal in this scene is to protect his research and reputation. He wants to downplay the robbery and avoid involvement with the police, reflecting his immediate challenge of maintaining secrecy and control over his work.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict in the scene is primarily driven by the interactions between the characters, especially Alan Turing and the detectives. There is tension and intrigue as they navigate the aftermath of the break-in.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Alan Turing challenging the detectives' authority and intelligence. The audience is left wondering how the conflict will be resolved, adding to the suspense.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are moderately high in the scene, with the presence of cyanide adding a sense of danger and urgency. The mystery of the break-in and the enigmatic character of Alan Turing raise the stakes for the characters.

Story Forward: 9

The scene effectively moves the story forward by introducing key plot points, establishing character dynamics, and setting up future conflicts. It propels the narrative and keeps the audience engaged.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists in dialogue and character interactions. The audience is kept on their toes, unsure of how the conflict will be resolved.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the clash between traditional authority figures (detectives) and unconventional intellect (Alan Turing). It challenges the beliefs and values of the detectives who rely on traditional investigative methods, while Turing operates on a different intellectual level.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene has a moderate emotional impact, primarily driven by the suspense and danger introduced by the presence of cyanide. The interactions between the characters add depth and intrigue.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue in the scene is sharp, witty, and revealing of the characters' personalities. It drives the plot forward and keeps the audience engaged, with a good balance of tension and humor.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the sharp dialogue, intriguing characters, and intellectual tension. The interactions between Alan Turing and the detectives keep the audience hooked and eager to see how the conflict unfolds.

Pacing: 8.5

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and maintaining audience interest. The rhythm of the dialogue and character movements adds to the overall atmosphere of mystery and intrigue.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with proper scene headings and character descriptions. The dialogue is formatted correctly, enhancing readability.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene transitions and character introductions. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the effectiveness of the scene.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes the tension between Turing and the detectives, showcasing Turing's intelligence and disdain for their investigative abilities. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtext to enhance the conflict. Turing's condescension is clear, but adding layers to his interactions could deepen the viewer's understanding of his character.
  • The pacing of the scene feels rushed, particularly in the transition from Menzies receiving the message to Nock and Staehl arriving at Turing's house. A brief moment of reflection or a reaction shot from Menzies could heighten the stakes and provide a smoother transition.
  • While Turing's character is well-defined as eccentric and brilliant, the detectives come off as somewhat one-dimensional. Adding more depth to Nock and Staehl's characters could create a more engaging dynamic. For instance, revealing their motivations or personal stakes in the investigation could make their interactions with Turing more compelling.
  • The use of humor in Turing's dialogue is effective, but it risks undermining the gravity of the situation. Balancing the humor with moments of seriousness could enhance the emotional weight of the scene, particularly given the context of Turing's life and the implications of the robbery.
  • The visual elements are strong, particularly the chaotic state of Turing's home and the cyanide powder. However, the scene could benefit from more descriptive imagery to evoke the atmosphere. For example, incorporating sensory details about the setting could immerse the audience further into Turing's world.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment of hesitation or contemplation for Menzies after receiving the message about Turing's robbery. This could provide insight into his character and the weight of the situation.
  • Introduce a brief exchange between Nock and Staehl that reveals their personal stakes or opinions about Turing, which could add depth to their characters and make their interactions more engaging.
  • Incorporate more subtext in Turing's dialogue to convey his complex feelings about the detectives and the situation. This could involve him revealing more about his thoughts on authority or his own vulnerabilities.
  • Balance the humor in Turing's dialogue with moments of seriousness to maintain the emotional weight of the scene. This could involve Turing reflecting on the implications of the robbery or the state of his life.
  • Enhance the visual descriptions of Turing's home and the chaos within it to create a more immersive experience for the audience. Consider using sensory details that evoke the atmosphere and Turing's emotional state.



Scene 3 -  Suspicion Outside Turing's Door
EXT. ALAN TURNING’S HOUSE - MOMENTS LATER

Detective Nock and Sergeant Staehl walk away from Turing’s
house.

SGT. STAEHL
I’ll give you a bob if you can name
me a more insufferable sod.

DETECTIVE NOCK
Curious, isn’t he?

SGT. STAEHL
Oh, you’ve a soft spot for the
bastard ‘cause he called you on
your drink? Which, while we’re on
the subject —

DETECTIVE NOCK
— Seemed a bit forced though,
didn’t it?

SGT. STAEHL
Don’t know what you mean.


DETECTIVE NOCK
If you didn’t want a pair of
bobbies digging around in your
personal affairs, well, that would
have been a stellar way to see that
they don’t. Tell me you don’t think
this is suspicious.

SGT. STAEHL
I don’t think this is suspicious.

DETECTIVE NOCK
A mysterious professor who won’t
admit he’s had something stolen
from his flat?

SGT. STAEHL
What’re you suggesting?

DETECTIVE NOCK
I’m suggesting that Alan Turing is
hiding something.

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Mystery","Crime","Drama"]

Summary Detective Nock and Sergeant Staehl exit Alan Turing's house, engaging in a tense conversation about Turing's character. Nock expresses his suspicion that Turing is hiding something, while Staehl dismisses these concerns, teasing Nock for his soft spot for Turing. Their disagreement highlights the conflict between Nock's intuition and Staehl's skepticism, leaving the audience intrigued about Turing's true motives.
Strengths
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Mysterious atmosphere
  • Complex character dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Limited emotional depth
  • Some dialogue feels forced

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively builds tension and mystery through the interactions between Turing and the detectives, keeping the audience engaged and curious about the unfolding events.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a brilliant but enigmatic professor being investigated for a robbery adds depth to the character of Alan Turing and sets up intriguing possibilities for the story to unfold.

Plot: 8

The plot progresses smoothly, introducing the central conflict of the investigation and hinting at deeper secrets within Alan Turing's character. The scene sets up important questions that drive the narrative forward.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a unique dynamic between the characters and presents a fresh take on the detective genre by focusing on interpersonal relationships and moral dilemmas. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters, especially Alan Turing and the detectives, are well-developed and engaging. Turing's complex personality and the detectives' contrasting approaches add depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 7

While there are subtle shifts in the dynamics between the characters, particularly in their perceptions of Alan Turing, the scene focuses more on establishing the central conflict and mystery.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to uncover the truth behind Alan Turing's behavior and determine if he is hiding something. This reflects the protagonist's desire for justice and truth, as well as a need to prove their investigative skills and intuition.

External Goal: 7.5

The protagonist's external goal is to solve the case of the stolen item from Turing's flat and potentially uncover any larger criminal activities. This goal reflects the immediate challenge they are facing in their investigation and the need to uphold the law.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict between Alan Turing and the detectives, as well as the underlying mystery of the robbery, creates a sense of tension and intrigue. The conflicting motivations of the characters drive the scene forward.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting viewpoints and hidden agendas creating obstacles for the protagonist. The uncertainty of Turing's motives adds to the tension and unpredictability of the investigation.

High Stakes: 8

The high stakes are established through the mystery surrounding the robbery at Alan Turing's home and the implications it may have on his character and the investigation. The scene sets up important conflicts and challenges for the characters.

Story Forward: 9

The scene effectively moves the story forward by introducing key elements of the investigation and setting up important questions for the narrative to explore. It advances the plot while maintaining a sense of intrigue.

Unpredictability: 7.5

This scene is unpredictable because of the conflicting motivations and hidden agendas of the characters. The audience is left unsure of the true intentions of Alan Turing and the outcome of the investigation.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the protagonist's belief in justice and truth versus the societal norms and expectations that may hinder their investigation. The tension between following the rules and uncovering the truth challenges the protagonist's values and worldview.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7.5

The scene evokes a sense of curiosity and suspense, engaging the audience emotionally through the enigmatic character of Alan Turing and the unfolding investigation.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is sharp and revealing, showcasing the tensions between the characters and hinting at underlying motivations. It effectively conveys the dynamics of the investigation.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the sharp dialogue, intriguing mystery, and dynamic between the characters. The tension and conflict keep the audience invested in the outcome of the investigation.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged in the dialogue and character interactions. The rhythm of the scene enhances the overall mood and atmosphere.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with clear character names, dialogue formatting, and scene descriptions. The formatting enhances the readability and flow of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a detective genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm of the scene contribute to its effectiveness in building tension and suspense.


Critique
  • The dialogue between Detective Nock and Sergeant Staehl effectively establishes their contrasting perspectives on Alan Turing, with Nock's curiosity and suspicion juxtaposed against Staehl's dismissive attitude. This dynamic adds depth to their characters and sets up a potential conflict regarding Turing's true nature.
  • The use of colloquial language and informal banter between the detectives creates a relatable tone, but it risks undermining the gravity of the situation surrounding Turing. The humor, while engaging, should be balanced with the seriousness of the investigation to maintain tension.
  • The scene lacks a strong visual element that could enhance the storytelling. Describing the setting more vividly—such as the state of Turing's house or the detectives' body language—could provide additional context and emotional weight to their conversation.
  • The pacing of the scene feels slightly rushed. The dialogue moves quickly from one point to another without allowing for pauses or reactions that could heighten the tension. Incorporating moments of silence or hesitation could emphasize the detectives' growing suspicion and internal conflict.
  • The transition to the next scene is abrupt. A more gradual shift, perhaps by lingering on the detectives' expressions or the atmosphere around Turing's house, could create a smoother flow and enhance the narrative continuity.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more descriptive elements to the setting, such as the weather, the state of the street, or the demeanor of passersby, to create a richer atmosphere that reflects the tension of the scene.
  • Introduce a moment of hesitation or doubt in Staehl's character to add complexity. Perhaps he could briefly question his own dismissal of Turing's behavior, creating a moment of internal conflict.
  • Incorporate physical actions or gestures from the detectives as they speak to convey their emotions more effectively. For example, Nock could fidget with his hat or Staehl could cross his arms defensively, which would add layers to their dialogue.
  • Consider extending the dialogue to allow for a deeper exploration of Nock's suspicions. This could involve him recalling specific details from Turing's behavior that raised red flags, making his concerns more compelling.
  • To enhance the transition to the next scene, you could include a visual cue or a sound that signifies the shift in focus, such as the sound of a police siren in the distance or a lingering shot of Turing's house as the detectives walk away.



Scene 4 -  A Day of War and Secrets
INT. EUSTON STATION - LONDON - DAY - 1939

Alan Turing — 11 years younger — HURRIES through Euston
Station on the day that Britain declares war on Germany.

The station is preparing for war:

PAPERBOYS SCREAM the headlines: “800,000 CHILDREN EVACUATED!”
“GERMAN BOMBS COMING!” “FOOD SUPPLIES RATIONED!”

MILITARY PERSONNEL herd PACKS OF CHILDREN like cattle onto
rumbling trains.

The children, born with stiff upper lips, hold back their
tears. A FATHER shakes the hand of his 8-YEAR-OLD SON
goodbye, almost business-like. Neither knows if they’ll ever
see one another again.

Alan moves through this determinedly, methodically, and
unemotionally — it’s like he doesn’t even notice anyone is
there.


INT/EXT. TRAIN - DAY - LATER

Alan Turing walks down the aisle of a train bound for
Bletchley Park — his is the only adult face amidst the sea of
children.


He watches a SMALL BOY pour over a PUZZLE BOOK. OLDER KIDS,
loud and rowdy, TAUNT the Small Boy, who doesn’t look up,
he’s so focused on his puzzles.

Alan watches. Maybe he smiles. Maybe he understands.


EXT. BLETCHLEY VILLAGE - STREET - A FEW HOURS LATER

Alan walks through the small village of Bletchley. He passes
a sign that reads “BLETCHLEY RADIO MANUFACTURING” as he heads
to


EXT. BLETCHLEY PARK - AN HOUR LATER

Alan arrives at the imposing front gates of Bletchley Park.
An enormous Victorian mansion lies in the center of the
grounds, surrounded by empty gardens and tall iron fences.

As Alan approaches, two NAVAL OFFICERS with MACHINE GUNS step
out from behind the BARRICADES.

Whatever this place is, it’s housing something very secret
inside.
Genres: ["Historical Drama","War"]

Summary On the day Britain declares war on Germany, Alan Turing navigates the chaos of Euston Station, witnessing the emotional farewells of families and the frantic evacuation of children. Despite the turmoil around him, Alan remains emotionally detached. On a train to Bletchley Park, he observes a small boy engrossed in a puzzle book, contrasting with the rowdy older children. Upon arriving at Bletchley Park, he encounters armed naval officers, underscoring the secrecy of the location and the gravity of the war.
Strengths
  • Effective setting establishment
  • Intriguing character introduction
  • Historical context
Weaknesses
  • Minimal dialogue
  • Limited character development within the scene

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.2

The scene effectively sets the tone for the historical context and introduces the character of Alan Turing in a compelling way.


Story Content

Concept: 8.5

The concept of a brilliant mathematician entering a secretive location during wartime is engaging and sets up potential conflicts and mysteries.

Plot: 8

The plot is advanced by introducing the location of Bletchley Park and hinting at the importance of Alan Turing's role in the war effort.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh perspective on the impact of war on individuals, focusing on the emotional detachment of the protagonist and the juxtaposition of innocence and secrecy. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds depth to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The character of Alan Turing is intriguingly portrayed as a focused and enigmatic figure, setting up potential character development.

Character Changes: 7

While Alan Turing's character is introduced, there is not significant change or development within this scene.

Internal Goal: 8

Alan Turing's internal goal in this scene is to maintain composure and focus amidst the chaos and uncertainty of war. It reflects his need for control and his ability to detach emotionally from difficult situations.

External Goal: 7

Alan Turing's external goal in this scene is to arrive at Bletchley Park, a secretive location, and potentially begin his work in intelligence. It reflects the immediate challenge of navigating through a war-torn environment and entering a mysterious place.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7.5

There is a low to moderate level of conflict present, mostly in the background of the war setting and the secretive nature of Bletchley Park.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, as Alan Turing faces external challenges such as the war environment and the secretive nature of Bletchley Park. The audience is left unsure of how he will navigate these obstacles.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are moderately high due to the wartime setting and the secretive nature of Bletchley Park, hinting at the importance of the work being done there.

Story Forward: 8

The scene effectively moves the story forward by establishing the location and hinting at the importance of Alan Turing's role in the war effort.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because it introduces conflicting elements of innocence and secrecy, leaving the audience uncertain about the protagonist's motivations and the true nature of Bletchley Park.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the juxtaposition of innocence and war, as seen through the children being evacuated and the secretive nature of Bletchley Park. This challenges Alan Turing's beliefs about the impact of war on society and the importance of intelligence in times of crisis.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7.8

The scene evokes a sense of sadness and tension, especially through the portrayal of children being evacuated and the uncertainty of war.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue is minimal but effective in conveying the atmosphere and the characters' emotions.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it immerses the audience in the tense and mysterious atmosphere of wartime London, while also introducing the enigmatic character of Alan Turing and his internal struggles.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, with a gradual progression from the chaos of Euston Station to the secretive atmosphere of Bletchley Park. It contributes to the overall effectiveness of the scene.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and concise, with descriptive elements and character actions presented in a visually engaging manner. It follows the expected format for a screenplay set in the historical genre.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows a clear progression from Euston Station to Bletchley Park, effectively establishing the setting and introducing the protagonist's goals. It adheres to the expected format for a historical drama.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes the historical context of Britain declaring war on Germany, which is crucial for understanding Alan Turing's character and the urgency of his work. However, the emotional detachment of Turing could be further emphasized through more internal conflict or reflection, allowing the audience to connect with his character on a deeper level.
  • The use of visual imagery, such as the paperboys screaming headlines and the military personnel herding children, paints a vivid picture of the chaos and urgency of the time. However, the scene could benefit from more sensory details—sounds, smells, and tactile sensations—to immerse the audience further into the environment.
  • The contrast between Turing's methodical, unemotional demeanor and the emotional farewells happening around him is compelling. Still, it may be helpful to include a brief moment where Turing's internal thoughts or feelings are revealed, even if just a fleeting thought, to provide insight into his character's complexity.
  • The transition from the chaos of Euston Station to the train and then to Bletchley Park is smooth, but the pacing could be adjusted to allow for a more dramatic buildup. For instance, lingering on Turing's observations of the children could heighten the emotional stakes before he boards the train.
  • The introduction of the naval officers at Bletchley Park effectively conveys the secrecy and importance of the location. However, their presence could be enhanced by including a brief interaction or dialogue that hints at the gravity of Turing's future work, creating a stronger sense of anticipation.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief internal monologue for Turing as he navigates through the station, reflecting on the war or his own feelings about the evacuation, to create a deeper emotional connection with the audience.
  • Incorporate more sensory details to enrich the scene, such as the sounds of the bustling station, the smell of the trains, or the feel of the cold air, to create a more immersive experience.
  • Explore the possibility of including a moment where Turing observes the children and reflects on his own childhood or feelings of isolation, which could add depth to his character.
  • Adjust the pacing to allow for a more dramatic buildup, perhaps by lingering on Turing's observations of the emotional farewells before transitioning to the train.
  • Enhance the introduction of the naval officers by including a line of dialogue or a brief interaction that hints at the significance of Turing's work, building anticipation for what lies ahead at Bletchley Park.



Scene 5 -  The Challenge of Enigma
INT. BLETCHLEY PARK - COMMANDER DENNISTON’S OFFICE - LATER

A few minutes later, Alan sits alone in a cluttered office.
He stares ahead blankly at the empty chair behind the desk.
Waits.

COMMANDER DENNISTON (O.S.)
— What are you doing here?

Alan turns with a start.

ALAN TURING
The girl told me to wait —

COMMANDER DENNISTON
In my office? She tell you to help
yourself to a cup of tea while you
were here?

ALAN TURING
No. She didn’t.

COMMANDER DENNISTON
She didn’t tell you what a joke is
then either, I gather.

ALAN TURING
Was she supposed to?


COMMANDER DENNISTON
For Christ’s sake — who are you?

ALAN TURING
Alan Turing.

COMMANDER DENNISTON
(looking at papers on his
desk)
Turing... Let me see... Oh, Turing.
The mathematician.

ALAN TURING
Correct.

COMMANDER DENNISTON
How ever could I have guessed?

ALAN TURING
You didn’t. It was written on your
paper.

COMMANDER DENNISTON
... King’s College, Cambridge. Says
here you were a bit of a prodigy in
the maths department.

ALAN TURING
I’m not sure I can evaluate that,
Mr... ?

COMMANDER DENNISTON
How old are you, Mr. Turing?

ALAN TURING
27.

COMMANDER DENNISTON
How old were you when you became a
fellow at Cambridge?

ALAN TURING
24.

COMMANDER DENNISTON
And how old were you when you
published this paper here, that has
a title I can barely understand,
which apparently got you this
fellowship?

ALAN TURING
23.


COMMANDER DENNISTON
And you don’t think that qualifies
you as a certified prodigy?

ALAN TURING
Rather depends on how old my peers
were when they did comparable work,
doesn’t it?

COMMANDER DENNISTON
And how old were they?

ALAN TURING
Newton discovered the binomial
theorem at 22. Einstein published
four papers that changed the world
at 26. As far as I can tell I’ve
barely made par.

COMMANDER DENNISTON
You’re serious, aren’t you?

ALAN TURING
Would you prefer I make a joke?

COMMANDER DENNISTON
Not sure you know what those are.

ALAN TURING
It hardly seems fair that that
would be a requirement for
employment here, Mr...?

COMMANDER DENNISTON
Commander Denniston, of the Royal
Navy. All right, Mr. Turing, I’ll
bite. Why do you want to work for
His Majesty’s government?

ALAN TURING
Oh, I don’t, really.

COMMANDER DENNISTON
(suspicious)
Are you a bleeding pacifist,
Turing?

ALAN TURING
I’m agnostic about violence.

COMMANDER DENNISTON
But you realize that 600 miles from
London there’s this nasty chap
named Hitler who’s looking to
engulf Europe in tyranny?


ALAN TURING
Politics is not my area of
expertise.

COMMANDER DENNISTON
I believe you’ve just set a record
for the shortest job interview in
British military history.

ALAN TURING
Mother says that I can be off-
putting sometimes. On account of
being the best mathematician in the
world.

COMMANDER DENNISTON
You’re the best mathematician in
the world?

ALAN TURING
Oh. Yes.

COMMANDER DENNISTON
... Do you know how many people
I’ve rejected for this program?

ALAN TURING
No.

COMMANDER DENNISTON
That’s right. Because we’re a top
secret program. But I’ll tell you,
just because we’re friends, that
last week I rejected one of our
great nation’s top linguists, knows
German better than Bertolt Brecht.

ALAN TURING
I don’t speak German.

COMMANDER DENNISTON
What?

ALAN TURING
I don’t. Speak German.

COMMANDER DENNISTON
How the bloody hell are you
supposed to decrypt German
communications if you don’t, oh, I
don’t know, speak German?

ALAN TURING
I’m quite excellent at crossword
puzzles.


COMMANDER DENNISTON
(calling off)
MARGARET!

ALAN TURING
The German codes are a puzzle. A
game. Just like any other game.

COMMANDER DENNISTON
MARGARET! Where are you?!

ALAN TURING
I’m very good at games. Puzzles.
And I think this is the hardest
puzzle in the world.

COMMANDER DENNISTON
MARGARET!?!
(beat)
For the love of... This is a joke,
obviously.

ALAN TURING
I’m afraid I can’t make jokes,
Commander Denniston.

And for a split second, Denniston actually smiles.

COMMANDER DENNISTON
Have a pleasant trip back to
Cambridge, Professor.

ALAN TURING
Enigma.

At the mention of this word Denniston looks suddenly serious.

SECRETARY (”MARGARET”)
(popping head in)
You called for me?

He WAVES HER AWAY, entirely focused on what Alan just said.

ALAN TURING
(after she leaves)
... That’s what you’re doing here.
The top secret program at
Bletchley. You’re trying to break
the German Enigma machine.

COMMANDER DENNISTON
What makes you think that?

ALAN TURING
It’s the greatest encryption device
in history, and the Germans use it
for all major communications.
(MORE)

ALAN TURING (CONT'D)
If the Allies broke Enigma — well,
this would turn into a very short
war indeed. Of course you’re
working on it. But you also haven’t
got anywhere. If you had, you
wouldn’t be hiring cryptographers
out of University. You need me a
lot more than I need you. I’d just
as easily go work for the Germans,
frankly, but they simply don’t have
anything this good to work on. Our
mathematicians aren’t as impressive
as theirs. With one significant
exception. I like solving problems,
Commander. And Enigma is the most
difficult problem in the world.

COMMANDER DENNISTON
Enigma isn’t difficult. It’s
impossible. The Americans. The
French. The Russians. The Germans.
Everyone thinks Enigma is
unbreakable.

ALAN TURING
Goody! Let me try and we’ll know
for sure.

The men stare at each other. Neither blinks.
Genres: ["Drama","Historical","War"]

Summary In Commander Denniston's cluttered office at Bletchley Park, Alan Turing faces a tense interrogation about his qualifications and motivations for working on the Enigma machine. Turing confidently asserts his intelligence and unique perspective on puzzles, challenging Denniston's skepticism. Despite Denniston's doubts, Turing's bold claims about breaking the seemingly impossible code intrigue him, leaving the conversation unresolved as Turing expresses his eagerness to tackle the challenge.
Strengths
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Strong character dynamics
  • High stakes setup
Weaknesses
  • Limited physical action
  • Lack of visual variety

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9.2

The scene is well-written, engaging, and sets up a compelling conflict between Turing and Denniston. It introduces the central challenge of breaking the Enigma code effectively.


Story Content

Concept: 9.5

The concept of a brilliant mathematician taking on the challenge of breaking the Enigma code during World War II is intriguing and sets up a high-stakes narrative.

Plot: 9

The plot is advanced significantly as Turing is introduced to the Enigma project and expresses his interest in solving the puzzle. The scene sets up the central conflict of the story.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh take on historical events, showcasing the complexity of breaking the Enigma machine and the challenges faced by the characters. The dialogue feels authentic and adds depth to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 9.5

The characters of Alan Turing and Commander Denniston are well-developed in this scene. Turing's intelligence and confidence contrast with Denniston's skepticism and authority.

Character Changes: 8

While Turing's character is established as confident and determined, there is not a significant change in this scene. However, his introduction to the Enigma project marks a pivotal moment.

Internal Goal: 9

Alan Turing's internal goal is to prove his worth as a mathematician and problem solver. He wants to showcase his skills and intellect to gain recognition and respect.

External Goal: 8

Alan Turing's external goal is to convince Commander Denniston to hire him for the top-secret program at Bletchley Park to work on breaking the German Enigma machine.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9.3

The conflict between Turing and Denniston is intense and drives the scene forward. Turing's bold claims and Denniston's skepticism create a compelling dynamic.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Commander Denniston challenging Alan Turing's abilities and motivations. The audience is left unsure of how the interaction will unfold, adding to the tension and conflict.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high as Turing asserts his ability to solve the Enigma puzzle, a task deemed impossible by many. The outcome of this challenge could impact the war.

Story Forward: 10

The scene significantly moves the story forward by introducing Turing to the Enigma project and setting up the central challenge of breaking the code. It propels the narrative.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists in the dialogue, the shifting power dynamics between the characters, and the uncertainty of Alan Turing's success in convincing Commander Denniston.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between the belief in the impossibility of breaking the Enigma machine held by many and Alan Turing's confidence in his abilities to solve the puzzle. This challenges the traditional views on encryption and intelligence.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene evokes a sense of intrigue and anticipation as Turing asserts his ability to solve the Enigma puzzle. The clash of intellects adds depth to the emotional impact.

Dialogue: 9.2

The dialogue is sharp, engaging, and reveals key aspects of Turing and Denniston's characters. It drives the conflict and sets the tone for their relationship.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the dynamic interactions between the characters, the high stakes of breaking the Enigma machine, and the witty dialogue that keeps the audience invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and suspense, with well-timed dialogue exchanges and character interactions. It keeps the audience engaged and invested in the outcome.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character actions. The dialogue is well-formatted and easy to follow.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a structured format with clear character interactions and dialogue. It sets up the conflict and establishes the stakes effectively.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes the tension between Alan Turing and Commander Denniston, showcasing Turing's intelligence and social awkwardness. However, the dialogue can feel overly expository at times, particularly when Turing lists his accomplishments. This could be streamlined to maintain the flow of the conversation without losing the essence of Turing's character.
  • The humor in the scene is a strong point, particularly Turing's deadpan responses. However, the comedic timing could be enhanced by varying the pacing of the dialogue. Some exchanges feel rushed, which may dilute the impact of the humor. Allowing for brief pauses after punchlines could give the audience a moment to react.
  • The stakes of the conversation could be heightened. While Turing's confidence is clear, the scene could benefit from a stronger sense of urgency regarding the war and the need for cryptographers. This would create a more compelling reason for Turing to convince Denniston of his worth, rather than relying solely on his credentials.
  • The introduction of the secretary, Margaret, feels somewhat abrupt and could be better integrated into the scene. Her presence serves as a distraction from the main dialogue, and her role could be clarified to enhance the flow of the conversation. Perhaps she could have a brief interaction with Turing that highlights his eccentricity or adds to the tension.
  • The scene ends on a strong note with Turing's bold declaration about Enigma, but it could be more impactful if it included a visual cue or a reaction shot from Denniston that emphasizes the weight of Turing's words. This would help to underline the significance of Turing's confidence in tackling the impossible task.
Suggestions
  • Consider tightening the dialogue to reduce exposition. Instead of listing Turing's achievements, show his intelligence through his interactions and responses to Denniston's questions.
  • Enhance comedic timing by incorporating pauses after key lines to allow the audience to absorb the humor before moving on to the next exchange.
  • Introduce a sense of urgency regarding the war and the need for Turing's skills. This could be done through Denniston's dialogue, emphasizing the stakes involved in breaking the Enigma code.
  • Integrate Margaret's character more smoothly into the scene. Perhaps she could have a line that reflects her awareness of the tension or adds to the humor of the situation.
  • Add a visual reaction from Denniston at the end of the scene to emphasize the gravity of Turing's statement about Enigma, reinforcing the significance of the moment.



Scene 6 -  The Challenge of the Enigma
INT. BLETCHLEY PARK - DAY - LATER

ANGLE ON: A machine. It looks like a typewriter that got left
on the set of Blade Runner. Wires running all over it. Extra
gears sticking out of the sides. Blinking lights that reveal
German characters. Half electrical, half mechanical.

COMMANDER DENNISTON (O.S.)
Welcome to Enigma.

SLOWLY REVEAL: COMMANDER DENNISTON, 50s, is showing the
ENIGMA MACHINE to the NEW RECRUITS.

They are:

HUGH ALEXANDER, 30s, loves women and chess in equal measure.

JOHN CAIRNCROSS, 30s, Scottish, not the prodigy his
compatriots are and knows it.

PETER HILTON, 20s, a precocious undergrad from Oxford.

KEITH FURMAN and CHARLES RICHARDS, 40s, both stodgy
linguists.


Stewart Menzies — head of MI-6, who we briefly glimpsed in
the opening — stands in the corner, silent and observing.
Charming and inscrutable, he didn’t become the head of
British Secret Intelligence Services by accident.

COMMANDER DENNISTON (CONT’D)
The German navy encodes every
message they send using the Enigma
machine. The details of every
surprise attack, of every secret
convoy, of every U-Boat in the
bloody Atlantic go into that thing,
and out comes... Gibberish.

FINALLY REVEAL: ... Alan stands with them, staring at the
machine like it’s the Sistine Chapel.

He reaches out and touches it lovingly.

ALAN TURING
It’s beautiful.

COMMANDER DENNISTON
It’s the crooked hand of death
itself.

Denniston shows Alan sheets of Enigma messages: PAGE AFTER
PAGE OF RANDOM LETTERS.

COMMANDER DENNISTON (CONT’D)
Our WRENs intercept thousands of
radio messages a day. But to the
lovely young ladies of the Women’s
Royal Navy, they’re nonsense. It’s
only when you feed them back into
Enigma that they make sense.

JOHN CAIRNCROSS
But we have an Enigma machine.

COMMANDER DENNISTON
Yes. Polish intelligence smuggled
this out of Berlin.

JOHN CAIRNCROSS
So what’s the problem? Just put the
intercepted messages back in to
Enigma and —

ALAN TURING
— It’s not that simple, is it? Just
having an Enigma machine doesn’t
help you decode the messages.


COMMANDER DENNISTON
Very good, Mr. Turing. To decode a
message, you need to know the
machine’s settings. The Germans
switch settings every day, promptly
at midnight. We usually intercept
our first message around 6am. Which
gives you exactly 18 hours every
day to crack the code before it
changes, and you start again.

Alan looks at the machine carefully.

ALAN TURING
Five rotors. Six plugboard cables.
That’s...

CHARLES RICHARDS
Five —

JOHN CAIRNCROSS
— thousand million —

PETER HILTON
— No no it’s — I’ve got it —

CHARLES RICHARDS
— Million, million —

KEITH FURMAN
— In the millions, obviously —

CHARLES RICHARDS
— Obviously —

ALAN TURING
— Over one hundred and fifty
million million million possible
settings.

All eyes turn to Turing: Wow.

COMMANDER DENNISTON
... Very good.

HUGH ALEXANDER
One hundred fifty nine, if you’d
rather be exact about it.

Everyone looks at Hugh now.

HUGH ALEXANDER (CONT’D)
One five nine with eighteen zeroes
behind it. Possibilities. Every
single day.

Jesus Christ. Who is this guy?


COMMANDER DENNISTON
Gentlemen, meet Hugh Alexander.
I’ve personally selected him to run
this unit.

JOHN CAIRNCROSS
Didn’t you...?

COMMANDER DENNISTON
Mr. Alexander won Britain’s
national chess championship.

HUGH ALEXANDER
Twice.

JOHN CAIRNCROSS
(extending a hand to Hugh)
John Cairncross.
COMMANDER DENNISTON
(to Alan)
You’re not the only one who’s good
at games around here.

ALAN TURING
Are we all to work together then? I
prefer to have my own office.

COMMANDER DENNISTON
You’re a team, and you’ll work as
one.

ALAN TURING
I don’t have time to explain myself
as I go along, and I’m afraid these
men will only slow me down.

STEWART MENZIES
(piping up from the
corner)
— If you can’t play together, then
I’m afraid we can’t let you play at
all.

They all stare at him.

COMMANDER DENNISTON
This is Stuart Menzies. MI-6.

The team ACKNOWLEDGES Menzies.

CHARLES RICHARDS
There are only five divisions of
military intelligence. There is no
“MI-6.”


STEWART MENZIES
Exactly. That’s the spirit.
(to Alan)
Mr. Turing. Do you know how many
British servicemen have died
because of Enigma?

ALAN TURING
I don’t.

STEWART MENZIES
Three.

They all stare at Menzies: That doesn’t sound like very many.

STEWART MENZIES (CONT’D)
... While we’ve been having this
conversation.
(checks his watch)
Oh look. There’s another. Rather
hope he didn’t have a family. This
war that Commander Denniston’s been
going on about? We’re not winning
it. Break the code and at least we
might have a chance.
(to Denniston)
Shall we leave the children alone
with their new toy?

Menzies and Commander Denniston LEAVE.

The team stands there. With Enigma.

HUGH ALEXANDER
Alright boys. Let’s play.

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Historical Drama","War","Thriller"]

Summary At Bletchley Park, Commander Denniston introduces the Enigma machine to new recruits, including Alan Turing and Hugh Alexander, highlighting its critical role in decoding German naval messages. Turing's admiration for the machine and his intelligence stand out, while the group discusses its complex settings. Stewart Menzies stresses the urgency of their task, reminding them of the lives at stake. The scene concludes with the team preparing to tackle the daunting challenge ahead, amidst a backdrop of tension and high stakes.
Strengths
  • Strong dialogue
  • Effective introduction of central conflict
  • Compelling character dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Limited emotional depth
  • Some characters may come off as stereotypical or one-dimensional

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9.2

The scene effectively introduces the central conflict of decoding the Enigma machine during wartime, establishes the characters and their dynamics, and sets a tense and intriguing tone for the story.


Story Content

Concept: 9.5

The concept of decoding the Enigma machine and the team dynamics within the high-stakes wartime setting is compelling and sets up a strong foundation for the story to unfold.

Plot: 9

The plot is advanced significantly in this scene by introducing the central mission, the team members, and the challenges they will face. It sets up the main conflict of the story effectively.

Originality: 8

The scene offers a fresh perspective on historical events, showcasing the complexity of codebreaking and the personal dynamics of the team.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-defined through their interactions and dialogue, showcasing their personalities, skills, and conflicts. Each character brings a unique perspective to the team dynamic.

Character Changes: 9

The scene sets up the potential for character growth and change, especially in the dynamics between the team members and their approach to the mission.

Internal Goal: 9

Alan Turing's internal goal is to prove his intelligence and worth to the team, as well as to assert his independence and unique approach to problem-solving.

External Goal: 8

The protagonist's external goal is to crack the Enigma code and contribute to the war effort by decoding German messages.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8.5

The conflict within the team, the urgency of the mission, and the complexity of decoding the Enigma machine create a high level of tension and intrigue in the scene.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting goals, personalities, and the looming challenge of cracking the Enigma code.

High Stakes: 10

The high stakes of decoding the Enigma machine during wartime, the potential consequences of failure, and the urgency of the mission create a sense of importance and tension in the scene.

Story Forward: 10

The scene significantly moves the story forward by introducing the central conflict, the mission, the team members, and the challenges they will face. It sets the stage for the narrative to unfold.

Unpredictability: 8

The scene is unpredictable in terms of character dynamics and the challenges they face, keeping the audience on their toes.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict revolves around the value of teamwork versus individual brilliance. Turing's desire for independence clashes with the necessity of collaboration in solving the Enigma code.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

While the scene is more focused on setting up the mission and the characters, there is a subtle emotional impact in the high stakes and the weight of the task ahead.

Dialogue: 9.2

The dialogue is sharp, informative, and reveals the characters' motivations and personalities. It drives the scene forward and establishes the tension and dynamics within the team.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its mix of tension, humor, and historical intrigue, keeping the audience invested in the characters and their mission.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, balancing exposition, character interactions, and tension effectively.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene's formatting adheres to standard screenplay conventions, making it easy to follow and visualize.

Structure: 9

The scene follows a clear structure, introducing characters, setting up goals, and establishing conflicts effectively.


Critique
  • The scene effectively introduces the Enigma machine and its significance, establishing a sense of urgency and the stakes involved in breaking the code. However, the dialogue can feel a bit expository at times, particularly when characters explain the machine's workings and the challenges they face. This could be streamlined to maintain a more natural flow.
  • The character dynamics are well-established, particularly the contrast between Turing's confidence and the skepticism of his peers. However, some characters, like John Cairncross and Peter Hilton, could benefit from more distinct personalities or quirks to make them memorable and relatable. As it stands, they blend into the background.
  • The introduction of Stewart Menzies adds a layer of authority and tension, but his dialogue could be more impactful. His line about the number of servicemen who have died feels somewhat flat and could be delivered with more emotional weight to emphasize the gravity of the situation.
  • The pacing of the scene is generally good, but the transition from Denniston's explanation to Turing's calculations could be smoother. The sudden shift to Turing's detailed mathematical breakdown feels abrupt and could be better integrated into the flow of the conversation.
  • The visual description of the Enigma machine is vivid and engaging, but it might benefit from a more concise introduction. The comparison to a typewriter left on the set of Blade Runner is creative but could be simplified to maintain focus on the machine's significance rather than its appearance.
Suggestions
  • Consider tightening the dialogue to reduce exposition and allow for more organic character interactions. Show rather than tell when it comes to the machine's complexity.
  • Develop distinct traits or backstories for secondary characters like Cairncross and Hilton to make them stand out and contribute more to the team dynamic.
  • Enhance Menzies' dialogue to convey a stronger emotional impact, perhaps by providing a personal anecdote or a more visceral description of the consequences of the war.
  • Smooth the transition between Denniston's explanation and Turing's calculations by having Turing interject with his thoughts as Denniston speaks, creating a more fluid conversation.
  • Refine the visual description of the Enigma machine to focus on its significance in the context of the war, perhaps by emphasizing its role as a tool of life and death rather than its aesthetic qualities.



Scene 7 -  Isolation and Humiliation
EXT. SHERBORNE SCHOOL FOR BOYS - DAY - 1927

TEENAGE BOYS play cricket in the green front gardens of a
boys boarding school. Behind them looms the school’s stately
central manor house.

ALAN TURING (V.O.)
The problem began, of course, with
the carrots.


INT. SHERBORNE SCHOOL FOR BOYS - DAY

YOUNG ALAN TURING, 15, sits alone in the dining hall. Other
BOYS joke and laugh and tell animated stories at nearby
tables, but Alan sits alone, staring intently at his food.


ON ALAN’S PLATE: Boiled steak. Potatoes. Peas. And carrots.

ALAN TURING (V.O.)
Carrots are orange. Peas are green.
They mustn’t touch.

Alan carefully tries to separate the carrots from the peas.
It’s like he’s performing brain surgery.

BEHIND ALAN, a group of BIGGER BOYS approach quietly. One of
them holds a TRAY OF BOILED VEGETABLES —

— The Boys try to MUFFLE THEIR GIGGLES so Alan can’t hear
them approach —

— The Boys DUMP THE TRAY OF VEGETABLES ALL OVER ALAN.

Alan SCREAMS.

The Boys LAUGH as Alan SCREAMS and SHAKES and tries to get
the peas and carrots and everything else off of him. He’s in
hell.

Alan FALLS DOWN. Still shaking, still screaming.

YOUNG ALAN
Carrots are orange! Carrots are
orange! Carrots are orange!

BOY #1
What a bloody weirdo!

Alan CURLS UP INTO A BALL as he shivers.

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Drama","Coming-of-age"]

Summary In a 1927 scene at Sherborne School for Boys, 15-year-old Alan Turing sits alone in the dining hall, obsessively separating his food. His solitude is shattered when a group of older boys bullies him, dumping a tray of boiled vegetables on him. As they mock him, Alan, distressed and shaking, repeatedly chants 'Carrots are orange!' The scene captures his emotional turmoil and the cruelty of his peers, ending with him curled up on the floor in humiliation.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
  • Setting tone
Weaknesses
  • Minimal dialogue
  • Limited plot progression

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively establishes the emotional turmoil and isolation faced by young Alan Turing, setting the stage for his later struggles and character development.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring the formative experiences of a genius like Alan Turing through a traumatic incident is compelling and sets the stage for character development.

Plot: 8

The plot focuses on a crucial moment in Alan Turing's youth that shapes his character and future actions, providing insight into his motivations and struggles.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a unique perspective on the challenges faced by a young Alan Turing, blending elements of vulnerability, isolation, and the clash between conformity and individuality. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The scene effectively portrays the vulnerability and isolation of young Alan Turing, laying the foundation for his complex character arc.

Character Changes: 8

The scene marks a significant change in young Alan Turing's psyche, showcasing the impact of bullying on his character and future actions.

Internal Goal: 8

Alan Turing's internal goal in this scene is to maintain control over his environment and his own emotions. His fear of chaos and lack of control is reflected in his intense focus on separating the carrots from the peas, and his breakdown when they are mixed together.

External Goal: 7

Alan Turing's external goal in this scene is to avoid humiliation and bullying from the other boys. His immediate challenge is to deal with the tray of vegetables being dumped on him and the subsequent ridicule.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict between young Alan Turing and his bullies creates a tense and emotional atmosphere, driving the narrative forward.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist facing a difficult and humiliating challenge that creates uncertainty and tension for the audience.

High Stakes: 7

The high stakes involve the emotional well-being and development of young Alan Turing, setting the foundation for his future struggles and achievements.

Story Forward: 7

The scene provides essential background information on young Alan Turing's formative experiences, enriching the audience's understanding of his character.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because it subverts expectations of a typical bullying scenario, delving into the internal struggles and vulnerabilities of the protagonist in a surprising and impactful way.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the clash between conformity and individuality. Alan's need for order and control clashes with the other boys' desire to assert dominance and conformity through bullying.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions of sadness, fear, and anger, drawing the audience into young Alan Turing's traumatic experience.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is minimal but impactful, conveying the cruelty of the bullies and the distress of young Alan Turing effectively.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it effectively draws the audience into the emotional turmoil of the protagonist, creating a sense of empathy and tension that keeps viewers invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and emotional intensity, with a gradual escalation of conflict leading to a climactic moment of emotional release.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene follows the expected format for a screenplay, with clear scene headings, action lines, and dialogue that effectively convey the visual and emotional elements of the scene.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene effectively builds tension and emotional intensity, following a clear narrative arc that leads to a climactic moment of conflict and resolution.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes Alan Turing's character as an outsider through his obsessive behavior with food, which serves as a metaphor for his struggle with social interactions. However, the transition from the cricket scene to the dining hall could be smoother; a brief moment showing Alan's isolation before the boys approach would enhance the emotional impact.
  • The use of voiceover is a strong choice, providing insight into Alan's mind and his unique perspective on the world. However, the voiceover could be more nuanced to reflect his emotional state rather than just stating facts about the carrots and peas. This would deepen the audience's understanding of his internal conflict.
  • The bullying scene is visceral and impactful, but it risks becoming overly melodramatic. The repetition of 'Carrots are orange!' is effective in conveying Alan's distress, yet it may benefit from a more varied expression of his emotions to avoid feeling repetitive. Consider incorporating more physical reactions or thoughts that illustrate his panic.
  • The dialogue from the other boys is minimal, which works to highlight Alan's isolation, but adding a line or two that reflects their motivations or background could provide context for their bullying behavior. This would create a more rounded portrayal of the social dynamics at play.
  • The visual description of Alan's actions is strong, particularly the metaphor of 'performing brain surgery.' However, the scene could benefit from more sensory details—sounds, smells, and the atmosphere of the dining hall—to immerse the audience further into the setting and Alan's experience.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment before the boys approach Alan, perhaps showing him observing the other boys or attempting to engage with them, to emphasize his isolation more effectively.
  • Enhance the voiceover to reflect Alan's emotional turmoil, perhaps by including thoughts about his feelings of inadequacy or fear of social interaction, rather than just focusing on the carrots and peas.
  • Vary Alan's expressions of distress during the bullying scene to avoid repetition. Incorporate different physical reactions or internal thoughts that convey his panic and confusion.
  • Introduce a line or two of dialogue from the other boys that hints at their motivations for bullying Alan, which could add depth to their characters and the social dynamics at the school.
  • Incorporate more sensory details to create a richer atmosphere in the dining hall, such as the sounds of laughter, the smell of food, or the visual chaos of the other boys, to enhance the audience's immersion in the scene.



Scene 8 -  Trapped in Silence
INT. COFFIN - A FEW MINUTES LATER

... Alan is now inside a coffin.

He’s KICKING AT THE WOODEN BOARDS ABOVE and SCREAMING TO BE
RELEASED.

It’s not helping.

From above, we hear the familiar LAUGHTER OF THE SCHOOLBOYS.

REVEAL: The “coffin” is make-shift; the Boys have constructed
it out of the broken floorboards of a half-finished class
room. Alan is buried underground, and they’re nailing him in.


ALAN TURING (V.O.)
Do you know why people like
violence? Because it feels good.

The THUMP THUMP of nails entering the boards.

ALAN TURING (V.O.)
Humans find violence deeply
satisfying. But remove the
satisfaction, and the act
becomes... Hollow.

FROM INSIDE THE COFFIN: Alan goes silent.

The Boys pound away, but the silence unnerves them.

BOY #1
Alan? Alan?

BOY #2
C’mon don’t be such a kike about
it...

BOY #3
Leave him to bloody rot.

The Boys LEAVE.

There’s still only SILENCE from inside Alan’s coffin.

Alan breathes slowly. Quietly. Controls his shivering to
barely a tremor. He waits.

ALAN TURING (V.O.)
I didn’t learn this on my own
though. I had help.

Suddenly, the boards above him CREAK. Then BEND. Then SNAP.

Then an ARM REACHES DOWN and PULLS Alan out of the coffin.

REVEAL: CHRISTOPHER MORCOM, 16, tall, pretty, and charming in
ways that Alan will never, ever be.

CHRISTOPHER
Christ, I thought they were going
to kill you.

Christopher PULLS Alan from the floorboard coffin and they —
Genres: ["Drama","Biography"]

Summary Alan Turing finds himself confined in a makeshift coffin created by schoolboys, who mock him as he struggles for help. As he reflects on violence and his fear, the boys leave him in silence. Just when hope seems lost, Christopher Morcom arrives to rescue him, expressing relief at Alan's survival.
Strengths
  • Emotional impact
  • Character development
  • Tension building
Weaknesses
  • Limited dialogue
  • Potential for triggering sensitive topics

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys the emotional turmoil and vulnerability of Alan Turing through the intense bullying and isolation he faces. The dark tone and tension created by the situation add depth to the character's experiences.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of burying Alan alive in a makeshift coffin serves as a powerful metaphor for his emotional isolation and vulnerability. It adds depth to his character and sets the tone for his future development.

Plot: 8

The plot progression in this scene focuses on highlighting the emotional turmoil faced by Alan Turing due to bullying and isolation. It sets the stage for future character development and relationships.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a unique and intense situation, exploring themes of violence, survival, and moral complexity. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and contribute to the overall atmosphere of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The scene effectively portrays the vulnerability and resilience of Alan Turing, as well as introducing Christopher Morcom as a potential source of support and connection for Alan. The characters are well-developed and engaging.

Character Changes: 8

The scene marks a significant moment of vulnerability and emotional turmoil for Alan Turing, setting the stage for his character development and relationships. It hints at potential changes and growth in the character.

Internal Goal: 8

Alan's internal goal in this scene is to survive the ordeal and maintain his composure despite the fear and uncertainty he is facing. This reflects his deeper need for resilience and self-preservation.

External Goal: 7

Alan's external goal is to escape from the coffin and the torment of the schoolboys. This reflects the immediate challenge he is facing and the physical danger he is in.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict in the scene arises from the intense bullying and isolation faced by Alan Turing, creating a sense of tension and emotional turmoil. The conflict drives the emotional impact of the scene.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Alan facing physical danger and emotional turmoil as he tries to escape from the coffin. The uncertainty of his fate adds to the tension and suspense of the scene.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in the scene as Alan Turing faces intense bullying and isolation, highlighting the emotional risks and challenges he must overcome. The scene sets the tone for the character's future struggles and growth.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by establishing the emotional struggles and vulnerabilities of Alan Turing, laying the foundation for future plot developments and character interactions.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists and turns in the plot, keeping the audience on edge and unsure of how the situation will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene is the juxtaposition of violence and satisfaction. Alan's voiceover reflects on the nature of violence and its impact on human behavior, challenging the schoolboys' actions and attitudes.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact due to the intense bullying and isolation experienced by Alan Turing. It evokes feelings of fear, sadness, and resilience, drawing the audience into the character's emotional journey.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue in the scene is minimal but impactful, conveying the cruelty of the bullies and the eventual support from Christopher Morcom. It effectively enhances the emotional impact of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense and suspenseful atmosphere, compelling character dynamics, and thought-provoking themes. The reader is drawn into the story and invested in Alan's struggle.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and suspense, keeping the reader engaged and invested in the outcome of the protagonist's struggle.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear descriptions and dialogue that enhance the visual and emotional impact of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear and engaging structure, building tension and suspense as Alan faces the challenge of escaping from the coffin. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the effectiveness of the scene.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the emotional turmoil and isolation that Alan Turing experiences as a victim of bullying. The use of voiceover adds depth to Alan's character, allowing the audience to understand his thoughts on violence and human behavior, which contrasts sharply with the physical violence he is enduring.
  • The juxtaposition of Alan's internal monologue with the external chaos of the boys laughing and nailing him in creates a powerful tension. However, the transition from the boys' laughter to Alan's silence could be more pronounced to heighten the emotional impact of his isolation.
  • The dialogue from the boys is effective in showcasing their cruelty, but the use of the term 'kike' is problematic and may alienate some viewers. It is essential to consider the implications of language and its impact on the audience, especially in a historical context.
  • The reveal of Christopher Morcom pulling Alan out of the coffin is a strong visual moment that symbolizes rescue and friendship. However, the scene could benefit from more sensory details to enhance the atmosphere, such as the smell of the wood, the sound of nails, or the feeling of confinement, which would immerse the audience further into Alan's experience.
  • The pacing of the scene is generally good, but the transition from Alan's internal reflection to the physical action of being pulled out could be smoother. The moment of silence before Christopher's arrival is effective, but it might be more impactful if it were extended slightly to build tension before the rescue.
Suggestions
  • Consider revising the dialogue of the boys to avoid using derogatory terms that could detract from the overall message of the scene. Instead, focus on their mocking tone and behavior to convey their cruelty.
  • Enhance the sensory details in the scene to create a more immersive experience for the audience. Describe the sounds, smells, and physical sensations Alan experiences while trapped in the coffin.
  • Extend the moment of silence before Christopher's arrival to build tension and emphasize Alan's isolation. This could involve a longer pause in the voiceover or a more drawn-out moment of stillness.
  • Explore the emotional connection between Alan and Christopher more deeply. Perhaps include a brief moment of eye contact or a shared understanding that highlights their bond before Christopher pulls Alan out.
  • Consider adding a visual cue or a sound effect that signifies Alan's emotional state as he waits in silence, such as his heartbeat or shallow breathing, to further illustrate his fear and vulnerability.



Scene 9 -  Support and Investigation
EXT. SHERBORNE SCHOOL FOR BOYS - SECONDS LATER

Walking away from the half-finished school room, Christopher
helps Alan as he hobbles.


YOUNG ALAN
... It’s not my fault. The carrots
got in with the peas.
(off Christopher’s look)
I’m sorry. I won’t let them do it
again.

CHRISTOPHER
They’re getting worse.

YOUNG ALAN
They only beat me up because I’m
smarter than they are.

CHRISTOPHER
No. They beat you up because you’re
different. So you’ll have to try a
little harder to blend in.

YOUNG ALAN
Mother says I’m just an odd duck.

CHRISTOPHER
And she’s right.

Alan STUMBLES and Christopher grabs his hand, steadying him.

CHRISTOPHER (CONT’D)
But you know, sometimes it is the
very people who no one imagines
anything of who do the things that
no one can imagine.

ALAN TURING (V.O.)
Christopher helped.

CUT TO:


INT. POLICE STATION - MANCHESTER - DAY - 1951

Detective Nock sits at his desk, yelling incredulously into
his telephone.

DETECTIVE NOCK
... What do you mean, “classified”?
(beat)
... Yes, I am aware of the literal
meaning of the word “classified,”
what I’m asking is why would a
maths professor have his military
records classified?
(beat)
... Well then I will come down
there and...


Nock HANGS UP, frustrated.

He notices Sergeant Staehl walking past.

DETECTIVE NOCK (CONT’D)
Come with me.
Genres: ["Drama","Historical"]

Summary In this scene, Christopher provides emotional and physical support to Alan, who is struggling with bullying due to his intelligence and perceived differences. Christopher encourages Alan to blend in more, while Alan reflects on his mother's view of him as an 'odd duck.' The scene shifts to a police station in Manchester in 1951, where Detective Nock expresses frustration over bureaucratic obstacles related to classified military records, indicating a serious investigation is underway. The scene concludes with Nock calling Sergeant Staehl for assistance.
Strengths
  • Strong character development
  • Emotional depth
  • Poignant dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Low external conflict
  • Limited plot progression

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively establishes the dynamic between Alan Turing and Christopher, setting up the theme of individuality and resilience. The dialogue is impactful and reveals important character traits.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of individuality and resilience in the face of bullying is effectively explored in this scene. The interaction between Alan and Christopher sets the stage for character development and thematic exploration.

Plot: 8

The plot progression in this scene focuses on establishing the relationship between Alan and Christopher, laying the foundation for future developments. It moves the story forward by introducing key themes and character dynamics.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh perspective on bullying and individuality, with authentic character interactions and dialogue that feel genuine and impactful.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters of Alan Turing and Christopher are well-developed in this scene, with distinct personalities and motivations. Their interaction reveals layers of complexity and sets the stage for character growth.

Character Changes: 7

Alan experiences a shift in perspective through his interaction with Christopher, beginning to see the value of standing out and finding support. This sets the stage for potential character growth in future scenes.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to protect and support Alan, who is being bullied for being different. This reflects Christopher's desire for acceptance and empathy towards those who are marginalized.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to navigate the challenges of the school environment and help Alan blend in to avoid further bullying.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

The conflict in this scene is primarily internal, focusing on Alan's struggle to fit in and Christopher's role in supporting him. The tension arises from the bullying and the characters' responses to it.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create conflict and challenge the characters, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the outcome.

High Stakes: 5

The stakes in this scene are relatively low in terms of immediate danger or conflict, but the emotional stakes are high for the characters involved. The scene sets the stage for future challenges and growth.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by establishing key relationships and themes that will likely impact future events. It sets the stage for character development and conflict resolution.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected emotional depth and character revelations that challenge audience expectations.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict is between conformity and individuality. Christopher believes in embracing one's uniqueness, while the school culture values conformity and blending in.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene has a strong emotional impact, eliciting empathy for Alan's plight and admiration for Christopher's support. The vulnerability and resilience of the characters resonate with the audience.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue in this scene is poignant and impactful, revealing the inner thoughts and struggles of the characters. It effectively conveys emotions and establishes the tone of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its emotional resonance, relatable themes, and well-developed characters.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and emotional depth, enhancing its impact on the audience.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene adheres to standard formatting conventions for its genre, enhancing readability and clarity.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a traditional structure for character-driven drama, effectively building tension and emotional depth.


Critique
  • The transition between the two scenes feels abrupt. The emotional weight of Alan's experience with Christopher is significant, but the cut to the police station lacks a smooth narrative flow. This can disrupt the audience's emotional engagement.
  • The dialogue between Young Alan and Christopher is poignant and captures their relationship well. However, it could benefit from more subtext. For instance, Christopher's advice to blend in could hint at a deeper understanding of societal pressures, which would add layers to their conversation.
  • The use of voiceover from Alan Turing is effective in conveying his feelings and thoughts, but it could be more integrated into the scene. Instead of a straightforward narration, consider using it to reflect on the moment's significance or how it shapes his future.
  • The scene's emotional tone is strong, but the pacing could be improved. The dialogue feels a bit rushed, especially when transitioning from the bullying incident to the conversation with Christopher. Allowing for pauses or reactions could enhance the emotional impact.
  • Detective Nock's introduction feels somewhat disconnected from the previous scene. While it serves to establish the timeline, it may benefit from a more explicit connection to Alan's story, perhaps by hinting at how the past is influencing the present investigation.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment of silence or reflection after Christopher's quote about the underestimated achieving the unimaginable. This could allow the audience to absorb the weight of his words before cutting to the police station.
  • Enhance the dialogue by incorporating more emotional depth. For example, when Christopher advises Alan to blend in, he could share a personal anecdote about his own experiences with fitting in, which would strengthen their bond.
  • Integrate Alan's voiceover more creatively, perhaps by having it echo Christopher's words or reflect on how that moment influenced his later life, creating a thematic link between the two scenes.
  • Slow down the pacing of the dialogue to allow for more natural exchanges. This could involve adding pauses for Alan to process Christopher's advice or for Christopher to react to Alan's distress.
  • To create a stronger connection between the two scenes, consider including a visual motif or sound that links Alan's past with Nock's present investigation, such as a recurring image of the school or a sound that evokes memories of bullying.



Scene 10 -  Chase Through Chaos
EXT. MANCHESTER STREETS - LATER

Detective Nock and Sergeant Staehl walk through Manchester,
away from the police station.

SGT. STAEHL
... So are you going to catch this
mysterious thief who hasn’t
actually stolen anything?

DETECTIVE NOCK
Alan Turing is a suspect in a
robbery but they won’t share a
thing with the police?

SGT. STAEHL
“Suspect”? I distinctly recall
writing his name next to the word
“victim.”

Nock looks around, paying no attention to Staehl. He sees
something (which we don’t) in the reflection of a shop
window.

DETECTIVE NOCK
Will?

SGT. STAEHL
Yes?

DETECTIVE NOCK
I’m terribly sorry about this.

Suddenly, Nock PUSHES Staehl, hard.

Staehl, reeling, is very, very confused.

SGT. STAEHL
What?

Nock responds by PUNCHING Staehl across the jaw, sending him
to the ground.

People on the street TURN and STARE.

Nock RUNS away down the street —


Staehl starts CHASING AFTER HIM —

— They each DODGE PASSERSBY, who are all staring —

— Until Nock suddenly CHANGES DIRECTIONS and SLAMS INTO A
PEDESTRIAN —

— The Pedestrian and Nock TUMBLE TO THE GROUND.

The two SCRAMBLE, and then exchange a look: The Pedestrian
is... Concerned.

The Pedestrian STRUGGLES TO HIS FEET and RUNS OFF.

Nock stands dusting himself off as Staehl catches up to him —

— And PUNCHES NOCK IN THE JAW.

DETECTIVE NOCK
Oww! Would you stop it?

SGT. STAEHL
What is wrong with you?

DETECTIVE NOCK
Here.

Nock hands a BILLFOLD back to Staehl.

SGT. STAEHL
... Whose is this?

Very confused, Staehl LOOKS THROUGH the billfold.

SGT. STAEHL (CONT’D)
... That man you knocked over! You
stole his billfold.

Nock shrugs.

SGT. STAEHL (CONT’D)
... Oh. Bob?

DETECTIVE NOCK
Yes?

SGT. STAEHL
There’s a photograph of you.

Staehl shows Nock the billfold’s contents: A PHOTO OF NOCK,
PAPERS WITH NOCK’S ADDRESS, PERSONAL DATA.

SGT. STAEHL (CONT’D)
That man was following you.


DETECTIVE NOCK
Has been for awhile now.

SGT. STAEHL
Good God... Your home address, your
district, your... Bob, there is a
letter here from the Foreign
Office.

Staehl shows him: The letter, stamped with the Foreign Office
seal, instructs that the bearer be granted access to all
records concerning one “ROBERT NOCK”.

FEMALE PEDESTRIAN
(approaching them)
— Are you two all right?

SGT. STAEHL
(to Pedestrian)
Bugger off.

She LEAVES, offended.

SGT. STAEHL (CONT’D)
Why are you being followed? We have
to call this in.

DETECTIVE NOCK
(looking at the letter)
I think I might have a better idea.

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Crime","Drama","Mystery"]

Summary Detective Nock and Sergeant Staehl walk through Manchester discussing a mysterious thief when Nock suddenly attacks Staehl, leading to a frantic chase. After colliding with a pedestrian, Nock discovers a billfold containing personal information about himself, raising concerns about being followed. Staehl expresses worry for Nock's safety, while Nock hints at having a plan, leaving their conflict unresolved amidst the tense and chaotic atmosphere.
Strengths
  • Tension-building
  • Character development
  • Plot progression
Weaknesses
  • Sudden physical altercation may feel out of place for some viewers

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene is well-executed with a high level of tension and conflict, showcasing unexpected character developments and adding depth to the plot.


Story Content

Concept: 8.5

The concept of the scene, focusing on the unexpected confrontation and the unveiling of Nock's hidden identity, adds depth to the overall narrative and enhances the mystery surrounding the character.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene is driven by the sudden conflict between Nock and Staehl, as well as the revelation of Nock's past, adding layers to the story and setting up future developments.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on the detective genre by combining elements of mystery, action, and personal identity. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and engaging.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters of Nock and Staehl are further developed through their actions and reactions in the scene, showcasing their conflicting personalities and motivations.

Character Changes: 8

Both Nock and Staehl undergo changes in the scene, with Nock's hidden past coming to light and Staehl's perception of him shifting, setting up future character developments.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to maintain control over his identity and past, despite the unexpected revelations from Sergeant Staehl. This reflects his deeper need for autonomy and independence.

External Goal: 7.5

The protagonist's external goal is to evade capture and maintain his secrecy, as well as to uncover the reasons behind being followed. This reflects the immediate challenge of escaping the consequences of his actions.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The scene is filled with conflict, both physical and emotional, between Nock and Staehl, adding intensity and suspense to the narrative.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist facing obstacles from both external forces and his own actions, creating uncertainty and tension for the audience.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in the scene, as Nock's hidden past is revealed and his relationship with Staehl is tested, adding tension and suspense to the narrative.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by revealing crucial information about Nock's past and setting up future conflicts and developments, driving the narrative towards its resolution.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected actions and revelations from the characters, keeping the audience guessing about the protagonist's motives and identity.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the protagonist's sense of identity and the consequences of his actions. It challenges his beliefs about trust, authority, and personal responsibility.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from tension to confusion, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the characters' fates.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the tension and confusion between Nock and Staehl, adding depth to their characters and driving the plot forward.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its fast-paced action, unexpected plot twists, and sharp dialogue that keeps the audience on the edge of their seats.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by maintaining a sense of tension and urgency, leading to a climactic confrontation between the characters.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with clear scene descriptions, character actions, and dialogue.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a suspenseful action sequence, with a clear buildup of tension and conflict leading to a climactic moment.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension through the unexpected physical confrontation between Nock and Staehl, which adds an element of surprise and humor. However, the motivations behind Nock's sudden aggression could be clearer. It feels abrupt and may leave the audience confused about his character's state of mind.
  • The dialogue between Nock and Staehl is engaging and provides a good mix of humor and tension. However, the pacing could be improved. The transition from their conversation to the physical altercation feels rushed, which may detract from the impact of the fight. A more gradual build-up to Nock's actions could enhance the scene's emotional weight.
  • The use of physical comedy, such as the chase and the collision with the pedestrian, is effective in lightening the mood amidst the tension. However, the scene could benefit from a clearer visual description of the environment to ground the audience in the setting. This would help create a more immersive experience.
  • The introduction of the billfold and its contents serves as a crucial plot point, revealing that Nock is being followed. However, the significance of this revelation could be emphasized more. The scene could include Nock's internal thoughts or reactions to the discovery, which would deepen the audience's understanding of the stakes involved.
  • The female pedestrian's brief interaction feels somewhat disconnected from the main action. While it adds a layer of realism, it could be more integrated into the scene. Perhaps she could provide a comment that reflects the chaos or confusion of the moment, enhancing the overall atmosphere.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment of hesitation or internal conflict for Nock before he pushes Staehl. This would provide insight into his character and make his actions feel more justified.
  • Expand on the physical chase sequence to include more descriptive elements of the environment, such as the bustling streets of Manchester, to create a more vivid backdrop for the action.
  • Incorporate Nock's internal thoughts or feelings when he discovers the billfold. This could help the audience understand the implications of being followed and heighten the tension.
  • Integrate the female pedestrian's interaction more seamlessly into the scene. Perhaps she could express concern or confusion about the altercation, adding to the chaos and urgency.
  • Consider revising the dialogue to include more subtext or tension between Nock and Staehl, which could foreshadow the physical confrontation and make the eventual fight feel more earned.



Scene 11 -  Deception and Interception
INT. POLICE STATION - MANCHESTER - LATER

QUICK SHOTS: Nock PAINTS TIPP-EX over his own name on the
letter he just stole, and TYPES IN A NEW ONE — “ALAN TURING”


INT. ADMIRALTY RECORDS OFFICE - DAY - LATER

Detective Nock walks up to a SECRETARY.

DETECTIVE NOCK
(to Secretary)
Pardon me. I’d like to see some
documents, if I may. Service
records of a Mr. Turing. Alan.

He FLASHES THE FORGED LETTER.

DETECTIVE NOCK (CONT’D)
Foreign Office sent me.


Off of Nock’s SMILE we

CUT TO:


EXT. ATLANTIC OCEAN - GERMAN PLANE - DAY — 1940

ALAN TURING (V.O.)
The game was quite a simple one.

ON THE ATLANTIC:

— A GERMAN SPYPLANE spots a BRITISH CONVOY travelling across
the ocean, far away. We hear the BEEP BEEP of Morse Code as
the SPYPLANE SENDS OUT AN ENCRYPTED MESSAGE and we cut to —


EXT. BRITISH SHIP - ON DECK - DAY

— The DECK of one of the British ships. A SEAMAN smokes a
cigarette as waves crash against the side. He’s approached by
two FRIENDS. He looks: He’s only got one smoke left. In a
kind gesture, he SNAPS his cigarette in half, sharing it —


INT/EXT. GERMAN SUBMARINE - DAY

— As underwater, a GERMAN SUBMARINE receives the BEEP BEEP of
the Morse message about the convoy’s location. The sub
CHANGES COURSE —

ALAN TURING (V.O.)
Every single German message. Every
surprise attack. Every bombing run.
Every imminent U-boat assault. They
were all floating through the air,
radio signals that any schoolboy
with an AM kit could intercept.


INT. BLETCHLEY PARK - HUT 14 - DAY

AT BLETCHLEY PARK:

— Inside HUT 14: ROW after ROW of RADIO STATIONS, all staffed
by the smartly dressed young ladies of the Women’s Royal
Navy. One WREN, listening to Morse code on her headphones,
intercepts the very same BEEP BEEP of the MESSAGE —

ALAN TURING (V.O.)
The trick was that they were
encrypted.

— She takes it down by hand: It’s GIBBERISH. Encrypted. She
places the messages in a PILE —


— A FEMALE ASSISTANT picks up the pile of encrypted messages-
Genres: ["Drama","Historical","War","Mystery"]

Summary Detective Nock forges a letter to assume the identity of Alan Turing, seeking sensitive documents from the Admiralty Records Office. Meanwhile, a German spy plane detects a British convoy and sends an encrypted Morse code message to a submarine. Alan Turing's voiceover highlights the ease of intercepting such communications. At Bletchley Park, a WREN intercepts the Morse code but finds it unintelligible, leading to a collection of encrypted messages. The scene is marked by tension and the urgency of wartime espionage.
Strengths
  • Intriguing concept
  • Strong execution
  • Compelling characters
  • Tense atmosphere
Weaknesses
  • Limited emotional impact
  • Character development could be more pronounced

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively combines historical context, character development, and plot progression, creating a compelling narrative that keeps the audience engaged.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of decoding encrypted messages during wartime is intriguing and well-developed. The scene effectively introduces the complexity of the task and the high stakes involved.

Plot: 8.5

The plot is engaging, with multiple layers of conflict and mystery. The scene moves the story forward by introducing key elements and setting up future developments.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh perspective on the familiar theme of World War II espionage, focusing on the role of code-breaking and intelligence operations. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds depth and complexity to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-defined, with distinct personalities and motivations. Their interactions reveal underlying tensions and dynamics that add depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 7

While there are subtle hints of character growth, the focus is more on establishing the characters' personalities and motivations. Future scenes may delve deeper into character development.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to uncover the truth and solve the mystery of the encrypted messages. This reflects his desire for justice, his intelligence, and his determination to make a difference in the war effort.

External Goal: 9

The protagonist's external goal is to gain access to the documents and information he needs to further his investigation. This reflects the immediate challenge he faces in obtaining crucial intelligence.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The scene contains multiple layers of conflict, including personal struggles, wartime challenges, and mysterious circumstances. The tension is palpable and drives the narrative forward.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting interests, hidden agendas, and moral dilemmas that challenge the characters' beliefs and motivations. The audience is left uncertain about the outcome, adding to the suspense and intrigue.

High Stakes: 9

The scene effectively conveys the high stakes involved in code-breaking during wartime, highlighting the potential consequences of failure and the importance of success.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by introducing key plot points, establishing the central conflict, and setting up future developments.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the shifting alliances, hidden agendas, and unexpected plot twists that challenge the characters' beliefs and motivations. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of how the story will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the ethics of espionage and code-breaking during wartime. It challenges the protagonist's beliefs about the necessity of secrecy and deception in the pursuit of victory.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7.5

The scene evokes a sense of curiosity and concern, drawing the audience into the characters' struggles and the high-stakes world of code-breaking.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is sharp and reflective of the characters' personalities. It effectively conveys information while maintaining a sense of mystery and intrigue.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its fast-paced action, dynamic characters, and high-stakes conflict. The suspenseful atmosphere and moral dilemmas faced by the characters keep the audience invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension, maintaining suspense, and highlighting the urgency of the characters' actions. The rhythmic flow of the dialogue and action sequences keeps the audience engaged and invested in the story.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with proper scene headings, action lines, and dialogue formatting. The visual descriptions and character interactions are well-executed, enhancing the reader's understanding of the story.

Structure: 9

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with clear transitions between locations, well-defined character motivations, and a cohesive narrative arc. The pacing and rhythm of the scene contribute to its effectiveness in building tension and suspense.


Critique
  • The scene effectively transitions from Detective Nock's actions to the broader implications of Turing's work, creating a sense of urgency and tension. However, the connection between Nock's forgery and the subsequent military actions could be more explicitly tied together to enhance the narrative flow.
  • The use of Alan Turing's voiceover is a strong choice, as it provides context and insight into the significance of the events unfolding. However, the voiceover could benefit from a more emotional resonance, perhaps by reflecting on the human cost of the war and the stakes involved in the intelligence being gathered.
  • The quick cuts between Nock's actions and the German plane create a dynamic pacing, but the abrupt shifts might confuse the audience. A smoother transition or a clearer thematic link between Nock's forgery and the military operations would help maintain clarity.
  • The visual descriptions are vivid, particularly the imagery of the British convoy and the German submarine. However, the emotional stakes for the characters involved in these scenes could be further developed. For instance, showing the seaman's thoughts or fears about the war could add depth to the moment.
  • The dialogue is functional but lacks a distinct voice for Detective Nock. Adding more personality or internal conflict to his lines could make him a more compelling character. Additionally, the secretary's response could be more engaging to reflect the tension of the situation.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment of internal conflict for Detective Nock as he forges the letter, which could heighten the stakes and make his actions feel more morally ambiguous.
  • Enhance the emotional weight of Turing's voiceover by incorporating reflections on the impact of the war on individuals, not just the strategic implications. This could create a stronger connection between Turing's work and the lives at stake.
  • Introduce a visual motif or recurring element that ties Nock's actions to the larger narrative, such as a specific object or symbol that represents the consequences of his forgery.
  • Incorporate more character-driven dialogue, particularly for the secretary, to create a sense of tension and urgency in the scene. This could also help to establish the stakes of Nock's actions more clearly.
  • Consider using a more gradual transition between Nock's actions and the military operations, perhaps by including a moment where Nock reflects on the potential consequences of his forgery before cutting to the German plane.



Scene 12 -  The Weight of Time
EXT. BLETCHLEY PARK - HUT 14 - DAY

— And carries it through Bletchley —

— The grounds surrounding the mansion at Bletchley Park are
now littered with 18 WOODEN “HUTS” — hastily constructed
structures that contain all of Britain’s top secret
cryptography operations —

ALAN TURING (V.O.)
One hundred and fifty nine million
million million possible Enigma
settings. All we had to do was try
each one.


EXT. BLETCHLEY PARK - HUT 8 - DAY

— The Female Assistant hurries past ARMED GUARDS and SECURITY
CHECKPOINTS into —


INT. BLETCHLEY PARK - HUT 8 - DAY

— HUT 8: Where the Enigma cryptanalysis team does their work.

ALAN TURING (V.O.)
But if we had 10 men checking one
setting a minute, for 24 hours
every day and seven days every
week, it would take... Well, you
tell me. How many days would it
take to check each of the settings?

— John Cairncross, Peter Hilton, Keith Furman, and Charles
Richards use PERFORATED SHEETS to analyze Enigma messages as
the Female Assistant deposits the pile onto Hugh Alexander’s
desk.

All around Hut 8, we see STACK after STACK of encrypted
messages, just like the one that was just delivered.

ALAN TURING (V.O.)
... Would you like a hint? It’s not
days. It’s years.

The team does their best to decrypt these stacks of messages,
but they’re getting nowhere. There are thousands of messages,
and only four cryptographers.


ALAN TURING (V.O.)
(sighs)
Oh dear, you still haven’t worked
it out, have you? Pity you didn’t
pay more attention in school.
(beat)
It’s 20 million years.

MOVE IN on the urgent message about the attack, which is
untouched as —


EXT. ATLANTIC OCEAN - BRITISH SHIP - DECK - DAY

BACK IN THE ATLANTIC:

— The deck of the British ship. The sailors SMOKE as we —

ALAN TURING (V.O.)
To stop a coming attack, we would
have to check 20 million years
worth of settings... In 20 minutes.

— Move DOWN INTO THE WATER to see that the German submarine
has arrived. It FIRES A TORPEDO at the helpless convoy and we
cut—
Genres: ["Historical Drama","War"]

Summary At Bletchley Park, the cryptanalysis team faces an overwhelming challenge as they struggle to decrypt a mountain of Enigma messages. Alan Turing's voiceover reveals the staggering number of possible settings, emphasizing the impossibility of their task with limited manpower. As the Female Assistant delivers more encrypted messages, the team, including Hugh Alexander and other cryptographers, grapples with a grim realization: they would need 20 million years to check all settings in the time they have. The tension escalates as the scene cuts to a German submarine launching a torpedo at a British convoy, underscoring the urgency of their work.
Strengths
  • Effective portrayal of urgency and tension
  • Historical significance of the Enigma machine
  • Strong character development
Weaknesses
  • Limited emotional depth
  • Focus on task over character arcs

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys the urgency and complexity of the cryptographers' mission, creating tension and intrigue for the audience. The high stakes and analytical tone keep viewers engaged.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of decoding the Enigma machine during World War II is compelling and historically significant. It adds depth to the story and showcases the intelligence and determination of the characters.

Plot: 8.5

The plot of the scene revolves around the cryptographers' efforts to decrypt the Enigma machine and prevent a German attack, driving the narrative forward and building suspense.

Originality: 9

The scene is original in its depiction of the challenges faced by codebreakers during World War II, the authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue, and the high stakes involved in preventing a German attack.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters in the scene, particularly Alan Turing and his team, are well-developed and showcase their intelligence, determination, and the pressure they face. Their interactions add depth to the story.

Character Changes: 7

While there is some character development, particularly in showcasing the intelligence and determination of the characters, the scene is more focused on the task at hand than individual character arcs.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to decrypt the Enigma messages and prevent the impending attack. This reflects their desire to use their intelligence and skills to save lives and make a difference in the war effort.

External Goal: 9

The protagonist's external goal is to decrypt the messages in time to prevent the attack. This reflects the immediate challenge they are facing and the high stakes involved.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict in the scene is primarily internal, as the characters face the challenge of decrypting the Enigma machine under immense pressure. The urgency of the situation creates tension and drives the narrative.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist facing overwhelming odds and a ticking clock that adds tension and uncertainty to the narrative.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes in the scene are extremely high, as the characters must decode the Enigma machine to prevent a German attack during World War II. The urgency and importance of their mission are palpable.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by establishing the challenge of decoding the Enigma machine and the high stakes involved. It sets up the central conflict of the narrative.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the constant tension and uncertainty surrounding the protagonist's ability to decrypt the messages in time to prevent the attack.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict revolves around the value of intelligence, perseverance, and teamwork in the face of overwhelming odds. It challenges the protagonist's beliefs in their own abilities and the importance of their work in the war effort.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7.5

The scene evokes a sense of urgency and tension, but the emotional impact is more intellectual than visceral. The focus is on the characters' intelligence and determination rather than emotional depth.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue in the scene is informative and reflects the analytical nature of the characters' work. It effectively conveys the complexity of the task at hand and the urgency of the situation.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its high stakes, fast-paced action, and emotional depth, which keep the audience invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is fast-paced and rhythmic, with a sense of urgency that drives the action forward and keeps the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings, descriptions, and dialogue that enhance the visual storytelling.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution that drive the narrative forward.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes the overwhelming scale of the task at hand, using Alan Turing's voiceover to convey the staggering number of Enigma settings. This creates a sense of urgency and desperation, which is crucial for the audience's understanding of the stakes involved.
  • The transition from the exterior of Bletchley Park to the interior of Hut 8 is smooth, visually emphasizing the contrast between the serene grounds and the chaotic work environment inside. However, the scene could benefit from more sensory details to immerse the audience further into the atmosphere of Hut 8.
  • The dialogue in Turing's voiceover is clever and engaging, but it risks coming off as condescending when he says, 'Pity you didn’t pay more attention in school.' This could alienate the audience or detract from the gravity of the situation. A more empathetic tone might resonate better.
  • The visual storytelling is strong, particularly with the stacks of encrypted messages and the frantic activity of the cryptographers. However, the scene could be enhanced by showing more of the characters' emotional responses to the pressure they are under, which would deepen the audience's connection to them.
  • The cut to the British ship and the German submarine is effective in raising the stakes, but it feels somewhat abrupt. A more gradual transition or a brief moment of reflection from the team could heighten the tension and emphasize the consequences of their failure.
Suggestions
  • Incorporate more sensory details in Hut 8, such as the sounds of typing, the rustling of papers, or the tension in the air, to create a more immersive experience for the audience.
  • Consider softening Turing's voiceover to make it less condescending. Instead of criticizing the team's attention in school, he could express concern for their well-being or the enormity of the task, fostering a sense of camaraderie.
  • Add brief moments of character interaction that showcase their stress or frustration, such as a character throwing down a paper in despair or exchanging worried glances, to humanize the team and make their struggle more relatable.
  • To improve the transition to the British ship, consider adding a moment where the team acknowledges the urgency of their task, perhaps with a character voicing their fears about the consequences of inaction before cutting to the ship.
  • Explore the use of visual metaphors or motifs that could symbolize the overwhelming nature of their task, such as a clock ticking down or a visual representation of the time it would take to check the settings, to reinforce the theme of urgency.



Scene 13 -  Lunch Break at Hut 8
INT. BLETCHLEY PARK - HUT 8 - DAY

BACK TO HUT 8:

The team is still buried in pile after pile of undecrypted
messages. Another convoy has been lost because they couldn’t
move fast enough, and they’re so far behind they don’t even
know it yet.

PETER HILTON
... I’m famished.

Hugh stretches, staring out the window, where he sees a WREN
passing by.

HUGH ALEXANDER
(re: the WREN)
Good God, what is it with women in
little hats?

John, Peter, Keith and Charles all look as well — there is in
fact something strangely sexy about women in little hats.

John Cairncross gets up and walks into the next room, where
he finds Alan, working alone.


JOHN CAIRNCROSS
The boys... We were going to get
some lunch?
(Alan ignores him)
Alan?

ALAN TURING
Yes.

JOHN CAIRNCROSS
I said we were going to get some
lunch?
(Alan keeps ignoring him)
Alan?

ALAN TURING
Yes.

JOHN CAIRNCROSS
Can you hear me?

ALAN TURING
Yes.

JOHN CAIRNCROSS
I said we’re off to get some lunch.
(silence)
This is starting to get a bit
repetitive.

ALAN TURING
What is?

JOHN CAIRNCROSS
I had asked if you wanted to have
lunch with us.

ALAN TURING
No you didn’t. You told me you were
getting lunch.

JOHN CAIRNCROSS
Have I offended you in some way?

ALAN TURING
Why would you think that?

JOHN CAIRNCROSS
Would you like to come to lunch
with us?

ALAN TURING
When is lunchtime?


HUGH ALEXANDER
(calling out)
Christ, Alan, it’s a bleeding
sandwich.

ALAN TURING
What is?

HUGH ALEXANDER
Lunch.

ALAN TURING
I don’t like sandwiches.

JOHN CAIRNCROSS
Nevermind.

HUGH ALEXANDER
John was trying to be nice.

ALAN TURING
How?

JOHN CAIRNCROSS
Let it go.

HUGH ALEXANDER
You know to pull off this irascible
genius routine, one has to actually
be a genius. Yet we’re the ones
making progress here, aren’t we?

ALAN TURING
You have?

HUGH ALEXANDER
We’ve decrypted a number of German
messages by analyzing the frequency
of letter distribution.

ALAN TURING
Oh. Even a broken clock is right
twice a day. That’s not progress at
all, that’s just blind luck. I’m
designing a machine that will allow
us to break every message, every
day, instantly.

We see his work: ELECTRICAL SCHEMATICS. He’s designing a
STRANGE NEW MACHINE.

ON THE TEAM: A machine? That’s ridiculous.

PETER HILTON
Who’s hungry? Let’s go.


HUGH ALEXANDER
Bye, Alan.

The guys gather their things and walk out...

ALAN TURING
I’m hungry.

... They turn.

JOHN CAIRNCROSS
What?

ALAN TURING
Peter asked if anyone was hungry. I
am.
(they stare at him)
May I have some soup, please?
Genres: ["Drama","Historical"]

Summary In Hut 8 at Bletchley Park, the team grapples with an overwhelming number of undecrypted messages and the recent loss of a convoy. Peter Hilton's hunger sparks a humorous discussion about lunch, highlighting the team's camaraderie amidst their stress. Alan Turing, deeply engrossed in his work, dismisses their progress as luck and reveals his ambitious plan for a code-breaking machine. Despite his initial disinterest in joining for lunch, Turing surprises everyone by expressing his own hunger just as they prepare to leave.
Strengths
  • Sharp dialogue
  • Character development
  • Setting establishment
Weaknesses
  • Limited emotional impact
  • Moderate conflict level

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively establishes the tension and dynamics within the team at Bletchley Park while showcasing Alan Turing's character traits and his innovative thinking. The dialogue is sharp and engaging, providing insight into Turing's mindset and his relationship with his colleagues.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of showcasing Turing's brilliance and social awkwardness in a high-pressure environment is effectively conveyed. The scene sets up the theme of innovation and the challenges of code-breaking during wartime.

Plot: 8

The plot progresses by introducing the challenges faced by the team at Bletchley Park and Turing's unconventional approach to solving them. The scene sets up future conflicts and developments within the narrative.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh perspective on historical events by focusing on Turing's innovative approach to codebreaking. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and engaging, adding to the scene's originality.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters, especially Alan Turing, are well-developed through their interactions and dialogue. Turing's intelligence, social awkwardness, and determination are effectively portrayed, adding depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 7

Turing's character undergoes subtle changes as he navigates social interactions and asserts his intelligence. His interactions with his colleagues hint at potential growth and development in future scenes.

Internal Goal: 8

Alan Turing's internal goal is to assert his intelligence and vision for a machine that can decrypt messages instantly, showcasing his desire for recognition and validation of his ideas.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to join his colleagues for lunch, reflecting his need for social connection and acceptance within the team.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict in the scene is primarily internal, focusing on Turing's social awkwardness and his unconventional methods clashing with his colleagues' more traditional approach. This sets up potential external conflicts in the future.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is moderate, with Turing facing resistance from his colleagues but ultimately asserting his vision for the future of codebreaking.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are moderate, with the team at Bletchley Park facing the challenge of decrypting messages to aid the war effort. The scene hints at the importance of their work but does not escalate the stakes significantly.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by establishing key character dynamics, introducing conflicts, and setting up future plot developments. It provides essential context for the narrative progression.

Unpredictability: 7

The scene is somewhat predictable in terms of character interactions and outcomes, but Turing's unexpected machine design adds an element of unpredictability.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the traditional approach of decrypting messages through frequency analysis versus Turing's innovative idea of a machine. This challenges the team's beliefs and methods, highlighting a clash between tradition and progress.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

The emotional impact is moderate, with moments of tension and sarcasm driving the scene. While there is some depth to Turing's character, the emotional resonance is not the primary focus.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is sharp, witty, and reveals important character traits and relationships. It drives the scene forward and adds depth to the interactions between the characters.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its sharp dialogue, character dynamics, and thematic depth. The tension and conflict keep the audience invested in the story.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged in the characters' interactions and conflicts.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene's formatting adheres to the expected format for its genre, allowing for clear and engaging storytelling.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a structured format that effectively conveys the tension and conflict within the team. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the scene's effectiveness.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the tension and urgency of the cryptanalysis team's work at Bletchley Park, contrasting their overwhelming task with the mundane act of having lunch. However, the humor derived from Alan's social awkwardness feels somewhat forced and could benefit from a more organic integration into the narrative.
  • Alan's character is well-established as an irascible genius, but the dialogue could be tightened to enhance the comedic timing and clarity of his interactions. For instance, the repetitive nature of the dialogue between John and Alan, while showcasing Alan's obliviousness, could be streamlined to maintain the scene's pace.
  • The introduction of the WREN and the boys' reaction to her adds a light-hearted moment, but it feels disconnected from the main conflict of the scene. This could be better integrated to reflect the team's camaraderie or serve as a distraction from their pressing work, enhancing the overall atmosphere.
  • The transition from the team's frustration over their work to Alan's sudden admission of hunger at the end is a nice touch, but it could be more impactful if foreshadowed earlier in the scene. Perhaps Alan could show signs of fatigue or distraction that lead to his eventual craving for soup, making the moment feel more earned.
  • The scene ends on a humorous note, but it may leave the audience wanting more depth regarding the team's struggles. A brief reflection from Alan on the weight of their work or a hint of his internal conflict could add emotional resonance, balancing the humor with the gravity of their situation.
Suggestions
  • Consider tightening the dialogue between John and Alan to enhance comedic timing and avoid redundancy. For example, instead of repeating 'Yes' and 'What is?' multiple times, you could have Alan respond with a more concise remark that still conveys his disinterest.
  • Integrate the WREN's presence more meaningfully into the scene. Perhaps her passing could serve as a catalyst for a discussion about the team's morale or the pressures they face, rather than a standalone humorous moment.
  • Foreshadow Alan's hunger earlier in the scene by showing him distracted or fatigued from his work, which would make his sudden craving for soup feel more natural and relatable.
  • Add a moment of reflection for Alan at the end of the scene, where he acknowledges the weight of their work or expresses a fleeting thought about the war, providing a deeper emotional layer to the humor.
  • Consider using visual cues to enhance the scene's atmosphere, such as showing the cluttered workspace or the tension in the team’s body language, which could complement the dialogue and reinforce the urgency of their task.



Scene 14 -  The Clash of Innovation and Authority
EXT. BLETCHLEY PARK - HUT 8 - MOMENTS LATER

Hugh, John, Peter, Keith and Charles all exit Hut 8, shaking
their heads and laughing at what an impossible weirdo Alan
is.

In the window, we see Alan’s face, alone with his work.

ON ALAN: He looks out at the team, a slight longing to be
among them, and yet the resolution that he never can be.


EXT. OUTSKIRTS OF BLETCHLEY - DAY - SEQUENCE

Alan runs for miles and miles along the outskirts of
Bletchley.

He thinks when he runs. It focuses him. He looks intent,
deeply concentrating as he presses his legs as hard as
they’ll go.

INTERCUT WITH:


INT. BLETCHLEY PARK - HUT 8 - DAY - SEQUENCE

Alan obsessively works on something in Hut 8, filling sheet
after sheet of paper with his designs. He’s drawing
SCHEMATICS... As it fills out, we see what it is:

It’s a HUGE MACHINE.


EXT. BLETCHLEY PARK - DAY

Alan walks through the camp brandishing a PIECE OF PAPER.
He’s a fish out of water amidst all of the MILITARY MEN
moving supplies around him.

He finds what he’s looking for:

Commander Denniston stands before a SUPPLY TRUCK, checking
the manifest as supplies are UNLOADED.

ALAN TURING
This is unacceptable.

COMMANDER DENNISTON
Turing. If you’d like to discuss
the complaint, I’d suggest making a
proper appointment with my office.

ALAN TURING
Complaint? Hugh Alexander has
denied my requisition. Parts and
equipment, to build the machine
I’ve designed.

COMMANDER DENNISTON
Your fellow codebreakers are
refusing to work with you. They’ve
filed a formal complaint.

ALAN TURING
It’s inspired by an old Polish code
machine, only infinitely more
advanced.

COMMANDER DENNISTON
If you don’t respond to the
complaint, I’ll have to take it up
with the Home Office.

ALAN TURING
Fine. My response is, they are all
idiots. Fire them and use the
savings to fund my machine. I’ll
only need about a hundred thousand
pounds.

COMMANDER DENNISTON
A hundred thousand — Why are you
building a machine?

ALAN TURING
It’s highly technical. You wouldn’t
understand.


COMMANDER DENNISTON
I suggest you make an effort to
try.

ALAN TURING
... Enigma is a machine. A very
well-designed machine. Our problem
is that we’re trying to beat it
with men. What if only a machine
can defeat another machine?

Denniston stares at him.

COMMANDER DENNISTON
... Hugh Alexander is in charge of
your unit and if he’s said no,
that’s that.

ALAN TURING
I do not have time for this —

COMMANDER DENNISTON
— Have you ever won a war before,
Turing? I have. Do you know how
it’s done? Order. Discipline. Chain
of command. You’re not at
University any longer. You are a
very small cog in a very large
system and you’ll do as your
commanding officer instructs.

ALAN TURING
Who is your commanding officer?

COMMANDER DENNISTON
Winston Churchill. 10 Downing
Street, London. You have a problem
with my decision you can take it up
with him.

And with that, Denniston walks away, furious.

ON ALAN: Well alright, if you say so...
Genres: ["Drama","Historical","War"]

Summary In this tense scene at Bletchley Park, Alan Turing watches his colleagues leave Hut 8, feeling isolated as they laugh about his eccentricity. He goes for a long run, reflecting on his work and obsessively sketching designs for a machine to break the Enigma code. When he confronts Commander Denniston about denied requisitions for parts, he argues that only his machine can succeed where the current codebreakers fail. However, Denniston prioritizes military order over Alan's innovative ideas, ultimately dismissing him and leaving Alan frustrated and unsupported in his quest.
Strengths
  • Sharp dialogue
  • Establishment of central conflict
  • Character dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Limited emotional depth
  • Lack of character development beyond Turing and Denniston

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively establishes the conflict between Alan Turing and Commander Denniston, setting up the central struggle of the narrative. It introduces the concept of the Enigma machine and Turing's ambitious plan to create a machine to counter it, creating intrigue and tension.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of Turing's machine as a solution to the Enigma code is intriguing and sets up a unique approach to the wartime narrative. It introduces the theme of technology versus tradition and the power of innovation.

Plot: 8.5

The plot is advanced significantly in this scene, with the introduction of Turing's machine-building ambition and the conflict with his superiors. It sets up a clear goal for Turing and establishes the challenges he will face.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh perspective on the historical events at Bletchley Park by focusing on Alan Turing's personal struggles and innovative ideas. The dialogue feels authentic and the characters' actions are grounded in their motivations.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters of Alan Turing and Commander Denniston are well-defined in this scene, with Turing's determination and defiance contrasting with Denniston's authority and skepticism. Their dynamic sets the stage for future interactions.

Character Changes: 7

Turing's resolve and determination are further solidified in this scene, showcasing his unwavering commitment to his goal despite facing opposition.

Internal Goal: 8

Alan's internal goal is to be accepted and understood by his colleagues, despite his unconventional methods and personality. He longs to be part of the team while also maintaining his individuality and vision.

External Goal: 9

Alan's external goal is to secure the resources needed to build his machine and convince his superiors of its importance in the codebreaking efforts. He faces opposition from his colleagues and Commander Denniston.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict between Turing and Denniston is intense and drives the scene forward. It establishes the power struggle and sets up the central tension of the narrative.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Commander Denniston serving as a formidable obstacle to Alan's goals. The audience is left unsure of how Alan will overcome this challenge.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high as Turing proposes a radical solution to the Enigma code problem, facing resistance from his superiors and risking his reputation and career in pursuit of his goal.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by introducing Turing's machine-building ambition and the conflict with his superiors. It sets up key plot points and establishes the central narrative arc.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists in Alan's interactions with Commander Denniston and the uncertainty of whether he will succeed in convincing his superiors to support his project.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between traditional military hierarchy and innovative thinking. Commander Denniston represents the established order and discipline, while Alan challenges it with his unconventional approach to codebreaking.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

While the scene is more focused on tension and conflict than emotional depth, Turing's determination and defiance can evoke a sense of admiration and intrigue in the audience.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is sharp and impactful, revealing key character traits and motivations. Turing's bold statements and Denniston's authoritative responses create a compelling dynamic.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the high stakes, conflict between characters, and the sense of urgency in Alan's mission to build the machine. The dialogue is sharp and the pacing keeps the audience invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a balance of action sequences and dialogue-driven moments that maintain tension and momentum. The intercutting between different locations adds depth to the narrative.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene adheres to the expected format for a historical drama, with clear scene headings, descriptions, and dialogue formatting. The transitions between locations are smooth and effective.

Structure: 9

The scene follows a clear structure with well-defined sequences that build tension and conflict. The pacing and intercutting between different locations enhance the narrative flow.


Critique
  • The scene effectively contrasts Alan's isolation with his ambition, showcasing his longing to connect with his colleagues while simultaneously emphasizing his intellectual superiority and social awkwardness. However, the transition from his running to the confrontation with Commander Denniston feels abrupt. A smoother transition could enhance the flow of the narrative.
  • The dialogue between Alan and Commander Denniston is strong, highlighting the tension between innovation and military bureaucracy. However, some lines could be tightened for clarity and impact. For instance, Alan's line about the machine being inspired by an old Polish code machine could be more succinct to maintain the scene's pacing.
  • The use of intercutting between Alan's running and his work in Hut 8 is a compelling visual choice that emphasizes his obsessive nature. However, the intercutting could be more thematically linked. For example, showing Alan's physical exertion paralleling his mental struggle could deepen the audience's understanding of his character.
  • The scene's emotional tone is effective, but it could benefit from more subtlety in Alan's frustration. Instead of outright stating that his colleagues are 'idiots,' consider showing his frustration through his actions or expressions, which would allow the audience to infer his feelings rather than being told directly.
  • The ending, where Denniston walks away furious, is impactful but could be enhanced by showing Alan's reaction more vividly. A moment of silence or a physical gesture could convey his determination or despair more powerfully.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment of Alan observing the team laughing before he runs, which could deepen the emotional weight of his isolation.
  • Tighten the dialogue by removing unnecessary words or phrases, particularly in Alan's exchanges with Denniston, to maintain a brisk pace.
  • Enhance the intercutting by visually linking Alan's physical running with his mental processes, perhaps through voiceover or visual metaphors that connect his thoughts to his physical exertion.
  • Show Alan's frustration through non-verbal cues, such as clenched fists or a furrowed brow, rather than explicit insults towards his colleagues.
  • Add a moment at the end where Alan stands alone after Denniston leaves, perhaps looking at the supplies or the machine he wants to build, to emphasize his resolve and the weight of the situation.



Scene 15 -  Authority and Tension at Bletchley Park
EXT. BLETCHLEY PARK - MAIN GATE - LATER

Stewart Menzies walks out of the Bletchley’s MAIN GATE,
through security, when’s he’s approached by:

ALAN TURING
Mr. Menzies! You’re headed back to
London, yes?

STEWART MENZIES
Possibly.


ALAN TURING
Will you deliver a letter for me?

Alan hands Menzies a letter:

It’s addressed to “WINSTON CHURCHILL. 10 DOWNING ST. LONDON.”

ON MENZIES: Well, this should be interesting...


INT. BLETCHLEY PARK - DENNISTON’S OFFICE - DAY

The team — Alan, Hugh, John, Peter, Keith, and Charles — are
assembled in Commander Denniston’s office for a meeting.
Stewart Menzies watches quietly from the corner, as is his
way.

HUGH ALEXANDER
You must be joking. Churchill put
Alan in charge?!?!?!

KEITH FURMAN
— This is a terrible plan —

PETER HILTON
— No no no no no no —

ALAN TURING
— Really? I can give these men
orders now?

COMMANDER DENNISTON
Though I hate to say it... Yes.

ALAN TURING
Fantastic.
(to Keith and Charles)
Keith and Charles. You’re both
fired.

KEITH FURMAN
Excuse me?

CHARLES RICHARDS
What?

ALAN TURING
You’re mediocre linguists and
positively poor codebreakers.

HUGH ALEXANDER
Alan, you can’t just fire Keith and
Charles.


ALAN TURING
He just said I could.

COMMANDER DENNISTON
(furious)
I did no such thing.

STEWART MENZIES
But Churchill did.

Denniston looks at Menzies, stewing, but Menzies just shrugs
back: “What would you have me do?”

CHARLES RICHARDS
(to Alan)
Go to hell.

Charles and Keith leave, pissed.

JOHN CAIRNCROSS
This is inhuman. Even for you.

ON DENNISTON: He looks at Alan with a withering, simmering
glare.

ON ALAN: He doesn’t budge an inch, or feel the slightest need
to explain himself.

As everyone stares at him, angry, the tension is brutal.

STEWART MENZIES
(to Alan)
... Popular at school, were you?

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Drama","Historical"]

Summary In a tense scene at Bletchley Park, Alan Turing asserts his new authority by firing team members Keith and Charles, leading to outrage and disbelief among his colleagues. Commander Denniston is furious about Turing's actions, which challenge his control over the team. Stewart Menzies observes the chaos with a detached demeanor, commenting on Turing's unpopularity. The scene ends with unresolved tension as team members leave in anger, highlighting the conflict between Turing's leadership and the team's unity.
Strengths
  • Strong character dynamics
  • Tension-filled dialogue
  • Effective plot progression
Weaknesses
  • Potential lack of empathy for fired characters

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene is well-crafted with a strong focus on character dynamics and conflict, driving the plot forward while maintaining tension and humor.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of power struggle and defiance against authority is effectively portrayed, setting the stage for character growth and plot development.

Plot: 8.5

The plot progresses significantly through the power play between characters, setting up future conflicts and establishing key relationships within the narrative.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh perspective on historical events, portraying the complexities of leadership and teamwork in a high-stakes environment. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and engaging, adding depth to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-defined and their interactions drive the scene, showcasing their personalities and motivations effectively.

Character Changes: 8

Alan Turing's assertiveness and disregard for authority figures are highlighted, showcasing his growth and development as a character.

Internal Goal: 8

Alan Turing's internal goal is to assert his authority and prove his capabilities as a leader within the team. This reflects his need for recognition and validation of his intelligence and skills.

External Goal: 7

Alan Turing's external goal is to reorganize the team and improve their efficiency in codebreaking operations. This reflects the immediate challenge of overcoming resistance and skepticism from his colleagues.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is high, with intense confrontations and power struggles driving the narrative forward and creating tension.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with characters facing internal and external conflicts that challenge their beliefs and actions. The audience is left uncertain about the outcome of the confrontations, adding suspense and drama.

High Stakes: 9

The high stakes of challenging authority and asserting one's capabilities add tension and urgency to the scene, driving the characters to make bold decisions.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by establishing key relationships, conflicts, and character dynamics that will impact future events.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected power shift and confrontations between characters. The audience is kept on edge by the characters' conflicting motivations and actions.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between traditional hierarchical structures and individual meritocracy. Alan challenges the established norms of authority and expertise, leading to tension and resistance from his colleagues.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7.5

The scene elicits negative emotions such as resentment and defiance, adding depth to the character interactions and conflicts.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is sharp, revealing character dynamics and conflicts while maintaining a sense of tension and humor throughout the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense character interactions, sharp dialogue, and high-stakes conflict. The tension and drama keep the audience invested in the outcome of the confrontation.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, leading to a climactic confrontation between characters. The rhythm of the dialogue and character interactions enhances the scene's impact and emotional intensity.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene's formatting adheres to the expected format for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character dialogue that enhance the narrative flow. The formatting contributes to the scene's readability and impact.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a structured format that effectively builds tension and conflict, leading to a dramatic confrontation between characters. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the scene's effectiveness in conveying the power dynamics at play.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the tension and conflict within the team at Bletchley Park, particularly highlighting Alan Turing's newfound authority. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtext to convey the underlying emotions and motivations of the characters. For instance, Turing's abrupt firing of Keith and Charles feels somewhat abrupt and could be better motivated by showing more of his internal struggle or rationale behind such a harsh decision.
  • The reactions of the team members to Turing's actions are strong, but they could be enhanced by incorporating more varied emotional responses. For example, instead of all characters expressing anger or disbelief, consider adding a character who is supportive of Turing's decision, creating a more complex dynamic within the group.
  • Stewart Menzies' role in the scene is intriguing, but his character could be fleshed out further. His nonchalant attitude towards the chaos could be contrasted with a more serious undertone, hinting at the larger stakes involved in Turing's leadership. This would add depth to his character and the overall tension of the scene.
  • The pacing of the scene feels rushed, particularly during the firing of Keith and Charles. Allowing for a moment of silence or a reaction shot after each firing could heighten the emotional impact and give the audience time to absorb the gravity of Turing's decisions.
  • The final line from Menzies about Turing's popularity at school is a clever touch, but it could be more impactful if it were delivered with a more sardonic tone. This would emphasize the irony of Turing's situation and add a layer of complexity to Menzies' character.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment of hesitation or internal conflict for Turing before he fires Keith and Charles, which would make his decision feel more weighty and justified.
  • Introduce a character who supports Turing's decision to fire Keith and Charles, creating a divide within the team that reflects the varying opinions on leadership and authority.
  • Enhance Menzies' character by giving him a more serious demeanor during the chaos, suggesting that he understands the implications of Turing's actions better than the others.
  • Slow down the pacing during the firing sequence to allow for more emotional reactions from the team, which would help the audience connect with their frustration and anger.
  • Revise Menzies' final line to be delivered with a more sardonic tone, emphasizing the irony of Turing's situation and adding depth to Menzies' character.



Scene 16 -  Crossword Under Fire
INT. BLETCHLEY PARK - HUT 8 - MINUTES LATER

Alan, Hugh, John and Peter walk back into Hut 8 after the
meeting — resigned, unhappily, to their fate.

JOHN CAIRNCROSS
... So what do we do now?

PETER HILTON
We’re short on staff.

ALAN TURING
We get more staff.

HUGH ALEXANDER
And how are you going to do that?

Alan takes a paper from his desk and TACKS IT UP ON THE WALL.


ON THE PAPER: It’s a CROSSWORD PUZZLE.


INT. FAMILY HOME - MORNING - 1940

A MAN opens up that morning’s Daily Telegraph, and flipping
through the paper, he sees an advertisement.

ON THE AD: It’s a crossword puzzle. Below it, the ad copy
says — “If you can solve this puzzle in under ten minutes
please call STO-6264 for an exciting career opportunity.”


INT. OTHER LOCATIONS - SAME TIME

SERIES OF SHOTS: Other people — MEN, WOMEN, STUDENTS,
RETIREES — open up their papers and see Alan’s ad. They all
try solving the puzzle.

It’s really, really hard.


INT. FAMILY HOME - SAME TIME

Back in the first house, the Man is trying to complete the
puzzle when —

— The AIR RAID SIREN goes off.

Quickly, the Man gathers his FAMILY and they rush down into


INT. BOMB SHELTER - CONTINUOUS

The Man and his WIFE light candles in the safety of their
underground BOMB SHELTER.

As BOMBS EXPLODE on the street above them, the Man passes
TOYS and GAMES to his children, to keep them distracted
during the assault.

He returns to Alan’s crossword puzzle, trying to solve it as
just a few yards above him a city burnt to rubble.


INT. TUBE STATION - LONDON - SAME TIME

CIVILIANS run down into an old TUBE TUNNEL to get away from
the bombing.

Inside the tightly crowded station, some people read books,
some play games, some lay on the train tracks to sleep as
dust POOFS UP from the shaking ground.


Normal life goes on as the LIGHTS FLICKER from the shelling
above.

By the dim flickering, we see OTHER PEOPLE trying their hand
at Alan’s puzzle.
Genres: ["Drama","Historical","War"]

Summary In a tense atmosphere at Hut 8, Alan Turing proposes an innovative recruitment strategy using a crossword puzzle ad in the Daily Telegraph to address their staffing shortage. As the ad circulates, various Londoners attempt to solve the puzzle amidst the chaos of World War II air raids. The scene juxtaposes the struggles of civilians seeking shelter and distraction from the bombings with the determination of Alan and his colleagues to find new staff, highlighting the resilience of everyday life during wartime.
Strengths
  • Unique concept of using a crossword puzzle as a recruitment tool
  • Strong emotional impact
  • Resilient and determined characters
Weaknesses
  • Limited character development in this specific scene

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively captures the tone of resilience and determination amidst the chaos of war, with a unique and innovative approach to recruitment. The emotional impact is strong, and the high stakes are clearly portrayed.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of using a crossword puzzle as a recruitment tool during wartime is unique and engaging. It adds depth to the scene and highlights the characters' intelligence and problem-solving skills.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene revolves around the characters' efforts to recruit more staff for their codebreaking task, showcasing their resilience and determination in the face of adversity. It effectively moves the story forward.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh approach to wartime storytelling by focusing on the recruitment of codebreakers through a crossword puzzle, blending elements of mystery and intrigue with the harsh realities of war. The authenticity of characters' actions and dialogue adds depth and complexity to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters in the scene display resilience, determination, and intelligence, fitting well with the wartime setting. Their interactions and reactions add depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 8

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the characters' resilience and determination are further highlighted, showcasing their growth and development.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to recruit more staff to help with codebreaking efforts, reflecting his desire to succeed in his mission and contribute to the war effort.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to solve the crossword puzzle and recruit new staff members to aid in codebreaking efforts, reflecting the immediate challenge of staffing shortages.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict in the scene is primarily internal, as the characters face the challenges of recruitment and wartime pressures. It adds tension and complexity to the narrative.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist facing challenges in recruiting new staff members and solving the crossword puzzle amidst the chaos of war, creating uncertainty and tension for the audience.

High Stakes: 9

The high stakes of recruitment during wartime, coupled with the urgency of the codebreaking task, create a sense of tension and importance in the scene.

Story Forward: 8

The scene effectively moves the story forward by introducing a new recruitment strategy and highlighting the characters' ongoing challenges and goals.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because it introduces unexpected elements such as the recruitment of codebreakers through a crossword puzzle and the juxtaposition of wartime chaos with personal moments of resilience and sacrifice.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the value of sacrifice and duty in times of war. The protagonist's commitment to his mission clashes with the personal sacrifices made by civilians seeking shelter from bombings.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene has a strong emotional impact, evoking feelings of anxiety, determination, and unity. The characters' resilience in the face of adversity resonates with the audience.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue effectively conveys the characters' emotions, thoughts, and motivations. It adds to the tension and showcases the characters' intelligence and problem-solving abilities.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it effectively combines suspense, drama, and emotional depth to draw the audience into the characters' struggles and challenges during wartime.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, maintaining a sense of urgency and momentum that drives the narrative forward and keeps the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings, action lines, and character dialogue that enhance readability and visual storytelling.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear and engaging structure, effectively balancing dialogue, action, and description to convey the urgency and tension of wartime events.


Critique
  • The scene effectively transitions from the tension of the previous meeting to a more lighthearted yet urgent approach to recruitment, showcasing Alan's unconventional thinking. However, the emotional weight of the team's resignation could be further emphasized through their dialogue and body language, allowing the audience to feel their frustration more deeply.
  • The introduction of the crossword puzzle as a recruitment tool is a clever and creative idea, reflecting Alan's unique approach to problem-solving. However, the scene could benefit from a stronger connection between the urgency of the war and the lightheartedness of the crossword puzzle. This juxtaposition could be enhanced by showing more of the chaos outside Bletchley Park, reinforcing the stakes involved.
  • The series of shots depicting various individuals attempting to solve the crossword puzzle is a nice visual touch, but it may feel disconnected from the main characters' emotional journey. Consider integrating their reactions to the puzzle's difficulty or the ongoing war to create a more cohesive narrative thread.
  • The use of the air raid siren and the subsequent scenes in the bomb shelter and tube station effectively convey the backdrop of war. However, the pacing could be improved by tightening the transitions between these locations, ensuring that the urgency of the situation is felt throughout the scene.
  • The scene ends with a sense of ongoing struggle, but it could be more impactful if it included a moment of realization or determination from Alan or the team. This would provide a stronger emotional anchor and leave the audience with a sense of hope or urgency as they move forward.
Suggestions
  • Enhance the emotional depth of the characters by incorporating more dialogue that reflects their feelings about the situation, perhaps through a brief exchange that highlights their fears or frustrations.
  • Consider adding a visual motif that connects the crossword puzzle to the war effort, such as showing the characters glancing at the chaos outside while they work on the puzzle, reinforcing the stakes involved.
  • Integrate the reactions of the characters to the crossword puzzle's difficulty, perhaps through humorous or frustrated comments, to create a stronger connection between the recruitment effort and the characters' personalities.
  • Tighten the transitions between the different locations to maintain a sense of urgency and coherence, ensuring that the audience feels the weight of the ongoing war while the characters attempt to solve the puzzle.
  • End the scene with a moment of determination or a rallying cry from Alan or another character, emphasizing their resolve to overcome the challenges ahead and leaving the audience with a sense of hope.



Scene 17 -  Puzzles and Qualifications
EXT. MI-6 HEADQUARTERS - LONDON - DAY

Alan bicycles through London, passing a group of GASMASKED
SCHOOLCHILDREN being led calmly on a DRILL by their TEACHER.

As a MILKMAN crosses a BOMBED OUT BUILDING to delivers his
wares, Alan comes to a stop beside a MARRIED COUPLE who are
digging through the RUBBLE. The husband digs while the wife
rests, sipping tea as if her house was other than a war zone.

While FIREMEN tend to a nearby smoldering mess, Alan locks up
his bike and enters MI-6 HEADQUARTERS.

END SEQUENCE


INT. MI-6 HEADQUARTERS - LONDON - MOMENTS LATER

Alan and Stewart Menzies talk in the hallway, outside a
closed door.

STEWART MENZIES
Who are they?

ALAN TURING
All sorts, really. A school
teacher. An engineer. A handful of
students.

STEWART MENZIES
And you think they’re qualified for
Bletchley because they’re good at
crossword puzzles?

ALAN TURING
Well, they say they’re good. Now we
should probably find out.

Alan leads Menzies into:
Genres: ["Historical Drama","War"]

Summary Alan Turing rides through war-torn London, witnessing the impact of conflict on daily life before arriving at MI-6 Headquarters. There, he engages in a tense discussion with Stewart Menzies about the qualifications of potential recruits for Bletchley Park, emphasizing the need to investigate their puzzle-solving skills further. Menzies expresses skepticism, leading to a conflict that remains unresolved as Alan insists on exploring their capabilities. The scene captures a somber yet determined atmosphere, highlighting the contrast between the devastation of war and the hope for skilled recruits.
Strengths
  • Effective dialogue
  • Innovative recruitment concept
  • Tense atmosphere
Weaknesses
  • Limited emotional depth
  • Moderate conflict level

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively sets up the recruitment of new codebreakers in a tense wartime setting, showcasing the determination and seriousness of the characters involved.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of recruiting codebreakers through a crossword puzzle advertisement is innovative and adds depth to the wartime setting.

Plot: 8

The plot progresses by introducing the recruitment of new staff, setting the stage for future developments in the story.

Originality: 9

The scene is original in its depiction of wartime London and the protagonist's unconventional approach to intelligence recruitment. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and true to the time period.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters, especially Alan Turing and Stewart Menzies, are well-developed in this scene, showcasing their determination and strategic thinking.

Character Changes: 6

There is a slight character change in Alan Turing as he takes on the responsibility of recruiting new staff.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to prove the value of unconventional thinkers and problem solvers in the war effort. This reflects his deeper desire to be recognized for his intelligence and unique approach to solving problems.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to recruit new members for Bletchley Park, a codebreaking facility. This goal reflects the immediate challenge of finding qualified individuals to help with the war effort.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

There is a moderate level of conflict in the scene, primarily in the tension between Alan Turing and Stewart Menzies regarding the recruitment process.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist facing challenges in recruiting new members for Bletchley Park. The audience is unsure of how he will overcome these obstacles.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are moderately high, given the wartime setting and the importance of recruiting skilled codebreakers.

Story Forward: 8

The scene effectively moves the story forward by introducing the recruitment process and setting up future developments.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected interactions between the characters and the high stakes of the war setting. The audience is kept on their toes, unsure of how the characters will navigate the challenges they face.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between traditional views of intelligence and the protagonist's belief in the value of unconventional thinking. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs about how intelligence should be assessed and utilized in wartime.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

The emotional impact is moderate, with a focus on the determination and seriousness of the characters rather than emotional depth.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue between Alan Turing and Stewart Menzies effectively conveys the urgency and importance of recruiting new staff for Bletchley Park.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its high stakes, sharp dialogue, and vivid descriptions. The audience is drawn into the world of the characters and invested in the outcome of their mission.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension and drama, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the outcome of the characters' mission.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings and descriptions. The dialogue is well-written and moves the scene forward effectively.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm of the scene contribute to its effectiveness in building tension and drama.


Critique
  • The scene effectively juxtaposes the chaos of war with Alan's mundane task of recruiting, highlighting the absurdity of seeking crossword puzzle enthusiasts amidst destruction. This contrast serves to deepen the audience's understanding of the war's impact on everyday life.
  • Alan's dialogue with Stewart Menzies feels somewhat flat and lacks emotional weight. While it conveys necessary information, it could benefit from more subtext or tension to reflect the stakes involved in their recruitment efforts.
  • The visual imagery of Alan cycling through a war-torn London is strong, but the scene could be enhanced by incorporating more sensory details. Describing sounds, smells, or the emotional expressions of the people Alan encounters would create a more immersive experience.
  • The transition from the external chaos to the internal conversation at MI-6 is abrupt. A smoother transition could help maintain the flow of the narrative and emphasize the contrast between the outside world and the bureaucratic environment inside MI-6.
  • The scene lacks a clear emotional arc or conflict. While there is a discussion about qualifications, it doesn't escalate into a meaningful confrontation or reveal deeper character motivations. Adding tension or disagreement could enhance the stakes of the conversation.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more sensory details to the external environment, such as the sounds of destruction or the expressions of the people Alan encounters, to create a more vivid scene.
  • Infuse the dialogue between Alan and Menzies with more tension or subtext. Perhaps Menzies could express skepticism about Alan's unconventional recruitment method, leading to a more heated exchange.
  • Introduce a moment of reflection for Alan as he observes the war-torn surroundings, allowing the audience to connect with his emotional state and the weight of his responsibilities.
  • Create a more gradual transition from the external chaos to the internal conversation. Perhaps include a moment where Alan pauses to take in the destruction before entering MI-6, emphasizing the contrast.
  • Incorporate a conflict or disagreement in the conversation between Alan and Menzies that reveals their differing perspectives on the war effort, which could add depth to their characters and the situation.



Scene 18 -  A Puzzling Entrance
INT. CLASS ROOM - CONTINUOUS

Alan and Stewart Menzies are in an MI-6 conference room. It’s
been set up like a class room: Rows of identical desks, at
which sit a COLLECTION OF CROSSWORD ENTHUSIASTS. There are
around 20, all men.


ALAN TURING
... You’ll have six minutes to
complete the puzzle, at which
point—

Just then, a WOMAN enters. Everyone turns to look...

Her name is JOAN CLARKE, 20s, a graduate student at Cambridge
who’s trying to get as far away from her preacher father as
possible, and she’s about to become very important to this
story.

MI-6 AGENT
Pardon, Ma’am, this room is
restricted.

JOAN CLARKE
Apologies for my tardiness — bus
caught a flat tire.

ALAN TURING
(irritated)
May I continue, please?

MI-6 AGENT
(to Joan)
You’re not allowed in here, Ma’am.

JOAN CLARKE
I’m only a few minutes late. With
the bombing there’s ten potholes to
each road.

MI-6 AGENT
No, ma’am, the secretaries are to
head upstairs. This room is for the
candidates.

ALAN TURING
May I please get on with this?

JOAN CLARKE
I am a candidate.

MI-6 AGENT
For what position?

JOAN CLARKE
The letter did not say, precisely.

MI-6 AGENT
Yes, so, secretaries are to head
upstairs.


JOAN CLARKE
It said it was top secret.

ALAN TURING
(comes over to them)
What is going on here?

JOAN CLARKE
There was a crossword in the paper.
I solved it. I got a letter saying
I was a candidate for some
mysterious job. So here I am. My
name is Joan Clarke.

She hands the Agent the LETTER.

MI-6 AGENT
Miss, did you really solve this
puzzle yourself?

JOAN CLARKE
What makes you think I couldn’t
have solved the puzzle myself? I am
quite —

MI-6 AGENT
— Ma’am I’ll have to ask you —

ALAN TURING
— Miss Clarke. I find tardiness
unacceptable under any
circumstance. Now take a seat, so
we may continue.

Joan stares at Alan: Thank you.

JOAN CLARKE
Apologies again for being late.

As Joan SITS, the Agent turns to Menzies — who’s been
silently observing Alan thus far — for support.

Menzies SHRUGS.

The Agent backs down.

Alan passes out NEW CROSSWORD PUZZLES.

JOAN CLARKE (CONT’D)
— Pardon, but before we start, can
you tell me a bit about this
position I’m qualifying for?

ALAN TURING
Oh for God’s sake — No.


JOAN CLARKE
It’s just that I’ve a pretty decent
job at the University, and I’d
rather not give it up for something
less interesting.

ALAN TURING
Miss Clarke. You now have the
distinct honor of having wasted
more of my time than any other
person in this room. Quiet.
Gentlemen. And lady. You have six
minutes. Begin.

SHOTS: EVERYONE FRANTICALLY TRIES TO FINISH THE NEW PUZZLE.

As they work:

STEWART MENZIES
(whispering to Alan)
Six minutes? Is that even possible?

ALAN TURING
No. It takes me eight. But this
test isn’t about crosswords — it’s
about how you approach solving an
impossible problem. Do you take the
whole thing at once? Do you divide
it into smaller —

— Suddenly, Joan sits up. She’s finished. Early.

ALAN TURING (CONT’D)
You’ve finished?

JOAN CLARKE
Yes.

ALAN TURING
(checking watch)
... 5 minutes, 34 seconds.

JOAN CLARKE
You said to do it in under 6.

ON ALAN: The smartest man in the room is surprised for the
first time in a very long time by someone who might be even
smarter.

STEWART MENZIES
(to Alan)
Seems like some people approach it
by simply doing the impossible.

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Drama","Historical","Thriller"]

Summary In an MI-6 conference room, Alan Turing conducts a puzzle-solving test for crossword enthusiasts. Latecomer Joan Clarke asserts her right to participate despite initial resistance from an MI-6 agent. Alan reluctantly allows her to join, and during the test, Joan impressively completes the crossword in under six minutes, showcasing her exceptional intelligence and surprising Alan.
Strengths
  • Strong character dynamics
  • Tension-filled dialogue
  • Introduction of a compelling new character
Weaknesses
  • Limited emotional depth
  • Slightly predictable outcome

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively introduces a new character, establishes tension, and showcases the intelligence and competitiveness of the main characters. The dialogue is sharp and engaging, keeping the audience intrigued.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of using a crossword puzzle as a test for intelligence and problem-solving skills is innovative and adds depth to the scene. It sets up a unique challenge for the characters and introduces a new element of competition.

Plot: 8.5

The plot progresses significantly with the introduction of Joan Clarke and the challenge she poses to Alan Turing. The scene sets up future conflicts and developments, driving the narrative forward.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on the spy genre by focusing on intellectual challenges and gender dynamics within a high-stakes environment. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and engaging.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed, with distinct personalities and motivations. Joan Clarke's introduction adds a new dynamic to the group, challenging the established hierarchy and creating conflict. Alan Turing's reaction reveals more about his character.

Character Changes: 7

Joan Clarke's introduction prompts a subtle shift in Alan Turing's character as he is surprised by her intelligence and confidence. This sets the stage for potential growth and development.

Internal Goal: 8

Joan's internal goal is to prove her intelligence and worth in a male-dominated environment, showcasing her capabilities and determination.

External Goal: 7

Joan's external goal is to qualify for a mysterious job position she was invited to apply for after solving a crossword puzzle.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict in the scene is high, driven by the introduction of Joan Clarke and her challenge to Alan Turing's authority. Tension arises from the clash of personalities and intelligence.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Joan facing resistance from the MI-6 agent and societal expectations, creating conflict and raising the stakes.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in the scene as Joan Clarke's challenge threatens Alan Turing's authority and reputation. The outcome of the crossword test could have significant implications for the characters.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by introducing a new character, establishing conflict, and setting up future plot developments. It adds complexity to the narrative and raises the stakes.

Unpredictability: 7

The scene is unpredictable due to Joan's unexpected entrance and her quick success in solving the puzzle, challenging the audience's expectations.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around gender roles and societal expectations. Joan challenges the traditional views of women's roles and capabilities, while the MI-6 agent represents the establishment's resistance to change.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The emotional impact is moderate, with elements of frustration, surprise, and tension. The scene focuses more on intellectual competition and conflict rather than emotional depth.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is sharp, engaging, and reveals important information about the characters. It effectively conveys tension, intelligence, and competition, enhancing the scene's impact.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its dynamic characters, sharp dialogue, and high-stakes conflict, keeping the audience invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 8

The scene's pacing effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the characters' actions and dialogue.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene's formatting adheres to industry standards, making it easy to follow and engaging for readers.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure that sets up the conflict, develops the characters, and builds tension effectively, fitting the expected format for its genre.


Critique
  • The scene effectively introduces Joan Clarke as a strong character who challenges Alan Turing's authority, which adds depth to both characters. However, the dialogue could be tightened to enhance the pacing and maintain tension. For instance, some exchanges between Joan and the MI-6 agent feel repetitive and could be streamlined.
  • Alan's irritation with Joan's tardiness is a good character trait that showcases his high standards and social awkwardness. However, his abruptness could be softened slightly to make him more relatable, as it risks alienating the audience from his character. A hint of vulnerability or curiosity about Joan could create a more dynamic interaction.
  • The MI-6 agent's role is somewhat underdeveloped. While he serves as an obstacle for Joan, giving him a more distinct personality or motivation could enhance the conflict. As it stands, he feels like a generic authority figure rather than a fully realized character.
  • The transition from the tension of Joan's entrance to the puzzle-solving test is smooth, but the stakes of the test could be made clearer. Why is this puzzle so crucial? Adding a line or two about the significance of the test in the context of the war could heighten the urgency and importance of the scene.
  • The ending of the scene, where Joan finishes the puzzle early, is a strong moment that effectively surprises Alan. However, it could benefit from a more explicit reaction from the other candidates, as their astonishment would amplify the impact of Joan's achievement and further establish her as a formidable character.
Suggestions
  • Consider tightening the dialogue between Joan and the MI-6 agent to eliminate redundancy and maintain a brisk pace. For example, instead of repeating the reasons for her presence, Joan could assert her qualifications more succinctly.
  • Introduce a moment where Alan shows curiosity about Joan's background or skills, which could create a more engaging dynamic between them and hint at their future collaboration.
  • Develop the MI-6 agent's character by giving him a unique trait or perspective that makes him more memorable, rather than just a barrier to Joan's entry.
  • Add a line or two that emphasizes the importance of the crossword puzzle test in the context of the war effort, which would help the audience understand the stakes involved.
  • Enhance the reactions of the other candidates when Joan finishes the puzzle early to emphasize her intelligence and create a more dramatic moment that highlights her significance in the story.



Scene 19 -  Secrets and Bonds
INT. CLASS ROOM - MINUTES LATER

Minutes later, TWO PEOPLE have survived the crossword test.
Joan is one of them.

STEWART MENZIES
Congratulations, and my warmest
welcome to His Majesty’s service.
If you speak a word of anything I’m
about to show you, you’ll be
executed for High Treason. You will
lie to your friends, your family,
everyone you meet about what it is
you really do.

JOAN CLARKE
And what is it that we’re really
doing?

ALAN TURING
We’re going to break an unbreakable
Nazi code and win the war.

JOAN CLARKE
... Well that does sound more
interesting than my university job.

CUT TO:


EXT. SHERBORNE SCHOOL FOR BOYS - DAY - 1927

Young Alan and Christopher sit under a tree, the school in
the distance.

Alan is going through a crossword puzzle, Christopher is
reading a book. Their legs are touching affectionately
without either even knowing, like two people who are
effortlessly comfortable with one another.

YOUNG ALAN
What’s that you’re reading?

Christopher shows him: “A Guide to Codes and Cyphers.”

CHRISTOPHER
It’s about cryptography.

YOUNG ALAN
What’s cryptography?

CHRISTOPHER
It’s complicated. You wouldn’t
understand.


YOUNG ALAN
I’m only fourteen months younger
than you. Don’t treat me like a
child.

CHRISTOPHER
Cryptography is the science of
codes.

YOUNG ALAN
Like secret messages?

CHRISTOPHER
Not secret. That’s the brilliant
part. Messages that anyone can see,
but no one knows what they mean,
unless you have the key.

YOUNG ALAN
(confused)
How is that different from talking?

CHRISTOPHER
Talking?

YOUNG ALAN
When people talk to each other they
never say what they mean. They say
something else. And you’re supposed
to just know what they mean. Only,
I never do. So how is that
different?

CHRISTOPHER
(handing him the book)
Alan, I have a funny feeling that
you’re going to be very good at
this.


EXT. SHERBORNE SCHOOL FOR BOYS - DORMITORY - EVENING

Christopher walks Young Alan back to his dormitory. They’re
happy after a long day together.

CHRISTOPHER
Goodnight, Alan.

Christopher touches Alan’s shoulder, and the two share a
sweet moment.

ALAN TURING
Goodnight.


Alan watches Christopher go; his heart is blooming, in love.
CUT TO:
Genres: ["Drama","Historical"]

Summary In a tense classroom setting, Stewart Menzies introduces Joan Clarke and Alan Turing to a top-secret government mission to break a Nazi code, emphasizing the importance of secrecy. Joan's curiosity is piqued as Alan reveals their objective. The scene transitions to a nostalgic flashback of Young Alan and Christopher at Sherborne School in 1927, where they share a tender moment discussing cryptography, highlighting their close bond and Alan's burgeoning feelings for Christopher. The contrast between the serious mission and their affectionate interaction sets the stage for the challenges ahead.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
  • Establishing key themes
Weaknesses
  • Low conflict level
  • Limited plot progression

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively establishes the characters' motivations and relationships, setting the stage for the overarching plot. It is emotionally resonant and provides insight into Alan Turing's early fascination with codebreaking.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring Alan Turing's early interest in cryptography and the supportive relationship with Christopher adds depth to the character and foreshadows his future endeavors. It sets a strong foundation for the narrative.

Plot: 8

The plot progression in this scene focuses on character development and relationship building, laying the groundwork for future conflicts and resolutions. It effectively sets up the central theme of codebreaking.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh perspective on wartime espionage and cryptography, highlighting the moral complexities and personal sacrifices involved in such work. The characters' interactions and dialogue feel authentic and engaging, contributing to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters of Alan Turing and Christopher are well-developed in this scene, showcasing their personalities, interests, and the emotional bond between them. Their interactions feel authentic and engaging.

Character Changes: 7

While there is not a significant character change in this scene, it sets the stage for future growth and development, particularly for Alan Turing as he delves deeper into the world of cryptography.

Internal Goal: 8

Joan's internal goal is to understand the true nature of the work they will be doing for His Majesty's service and to potentially find a sense of purpose or excitement in it.

External Goal: 9

The protagonist's external goal is to break an unbreakable Nazi code and help win the war.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 3

The scene is low on conflict, focusing more on character development and relationship building. The conflict is more internal and emotional rather than external.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the characters facing internal and external challenges that test their loyalty, morality, and courage.

High Stakes: 4

The stakes are relatively low in this scene, focusing more on character dynamics and personal interests rather than immediate external threats. However, it sets the stage for higher stakes to come.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by establishing key relationships, character motivations, and thematic elements that will drive the narrative. It sets the foundation for future plot developments.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists and moral dilemmas faced by the characters, keeping the audience on edge and invested in the outcome.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the secrecy and deception required in wartime espionage. Joan and Alan are faced with the moral dilemma of lying to everyone they know about their work in order to protect national security.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene has a strong emotional impact, particularly in portraying the budding friendship between Alan and Christopher. The affection and support between the characters resonate with the audience.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue in the scene is natural and reflective of the characters' personalities. It effectively conveys the emotional depth of the relationship between Alan and Christopher.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the tension and secrecy surrounding the characters' recruitment into espionage work, as well as the emotional depth and complexity of the relationships portrayed.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, alternating between moments of quiet reflection and high-stakes drama to keep the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of the scene adheres to standard screenplay conventions, with clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 9

The scene follows a clear and engaging structure, transitioning smoothly between the present and flashback sequences to provide context and character development.


Critique
  • The transition from the MI-6 conference room to the flashback at Sherborne School is effective in juxtaposing the present urgency of breaking the Nazi code with the innocence of young Alan and Christopher's relationship. However, the abrupt cut could be smoothed out with a more gradual transition, perhaps by using a visual or auditory cue that links the two scenes more cohesively.
  • The dialogue between Joan and Alan is engaging and establishes their characters well. Joan's curiosity and Alan's confidence in their mission are clear. However, the line 'And what is it that we’re really doing?' feels slightly redundant given the context. A more specific question could enhance her character's depth and curiosity about the mission.
  • The flashback effectively captures the tenderness of young Alan and Christopher's relationship, but the dialogue could be tightened. For instance, Christopher's explanation of cryptography could be more concise to maintain the flow and keep the audience engaged. The line 'It’s complicated. You wouldn’t understand.' could be rephrased to sound less dismissive and more encouraging.
  • The emotional undertones of the scene are strong, particularly in the flashback where Alan's affection for Christopher is palpable. However, the scene could benefit from more visual cues to enhance the emotional weight, such as close-ups of their expressions or the environment around them that reflects their feelings.
  • The ending of the scene, where Alan watches Christopher leave, is poignant but could be enhanced by a brief internal monologue or a visual metaphor that encapsulates Alan's feelings of love and longing. This would provide a deeper insight into his emotional state and set the stage for the complexities of his character.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a visual or auditory element to bridge the transition between the MI-6 scene and the flashback, such as a sound of a ticking clock or a visual of a crossword puzzle being closed.
  • Revise Joan's question to be more specific, perhaps asking about the implications of their work or how it will impact the war, to deepen her character's engagement with the mission.
  • Tighten Christopher's explanation of cryptography to make it more impactful and less dismissive, perhaps by having him express excitement about Alan's potential in the field.
  • Incorporate more visual storytelling elements, such as close-ups or environmental details, to enhance the emotional connection between Alan and Christopher in the flashback.
  • Add a brief internal monologue or visual metaphor at the end of the scene to encapsulate Alan's feelings of love and longing, providing a deeper insight into his emotional state.



Scene 20 -  The Missing File
INT. MANCHESTER POLICE STATION - DAY - 1951

A crowded POLICE STATION.

Detective Nock approaches his boss, SUPERINTENDANT SMITH, as
the latter walks through the station dropping PAPERS onto
various DESKS and checking the work of other POLICE OFFICERS.

Nock hands Superintendant Smith a MANILA ENVELOPE.

SUPERINTENDANT SMITH
What is this?

DETECTIVE NOCK
Alan Turing’s classified military
file.

SUPERINTENDANT SMITH
(displays the file)
It’s bloody empty.

DETECTIVE NOCK
Exactly.

SUPERINTENDANT SMITH
It’s an empty manila envelope.

DETECTIVE NOCK
Yes.

SUPERINTENDANT SMITH
Well you’ve cracked the case wide
open then, haven’t you?

DETECTIVE NOCK
Alan Turing’s war records aren’t
just classified. They’re non-
existent. That means someone got
rid of them. Erased them, burned
them.

SUPERINTENDANT SMITH
And that person broke into his
house and stole... Nothing?

DETECTIVE NOCK
What if Turing wasn’t just a math
professor?


SUPERINTENDANT SMITH
You think maybe he also teaches
English lit?

DETECTIVE NOCK
Guy Burgess and Donald Maclean.

SUPERINTENDANT SMITH
The spies? From the papers?

DETECTIVE NOCK
The Soviet spies. But first, they
were professors, weren’t they?
Newspapers say they became
radicalized at Cambridge. Then they
joined the Communist Party, took
positions in the Foreign Office and
leaked information to Stalin during
the war. Now, can you think of
anyone else we know who was at
Cambridge, then took up something
murky and top secret when the war
broke out?

Smith gives him a look.

SUPERINTENDANT SMITH
You think Alan Turing might be a
Soviet agent?

ON NOCK’S FACE: It would explain a lot, wouldn’t it?

ON SUPERINTENDANT SMITH: He’s considering...

DETECTIVE NOCK
Something very serious is
happening, right here under our
noses. Wouldn’t you like to find
out what it is?

Smith thinks, and then hands the folder back to Nock.

SUPERINTENDANT SMITH
No. I wouldn’t. I like my job. Now
as to yours: Those lads have been
causing a ruckus down by Whitworth
Park again. Will you give them a
talking to? Thank you.

And with that, Smith leaves.

ON NOCK: Damn it.

He walks back across the station to find Sergeant Staehl
waiting beside his desk.


SERGEANT STAEHL
Well? What’d he say?

DETECTIVE NOCK
He said alright. Let’s do it. Let’s
follow Turing. You’ll take the
first shift. Turing won’t have a
secret left by the time we’re
through with him.

CUT TO:


INT. BLETCHLEY PARK - HUT 11 - DAY - 1941

CLOSE ON: A GIANT, HALF-BUILT MACHINE. The size of a dining
room table, but taller than it is wide, its guts are composed
of SPINNING GEARS and a seemingly endless stream of LONG RED
WIRES.

REVEAL: TECHNICIANS work on putting the machine together,
SOLDERING THE WIRES, while Alan FUSSES.

ALAN TURING
Careful! Damn it, will you — It’s
not a toy.

Alan tries to protect his precious creation when he’s
interrupted by:

HUGH ALEXANDER
Alan! Your new minion has arrived.

Alan turns to see: His new recruit, JACK GOOD.

... But no Joan.

ALAN TURING
(displeased)
... Where’s Miss Clarke?

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Drama","Mystery","Thriller"]

Summary In a bustling 1951 Manchester police station, Detective Nock presents an empty manila envelope containing Alan Turing's classified military file to Superintendent Smith, suggesting a conspiracy due to the absence of records. Despite Nock's insistence on investigating Turing's potential connections to Soviet spies, Smith dismisses the idea, prioritizing his job security. Frustrated, Nock resolves to follow Turing with Sergeant Staehl's assistance, determined to uncover the truth.
Strengths
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Intriguing mystery setup
  • Strong character dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Limited emotional impact
  • Some dialogue may be too expository

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively builds suspense and intrigue through the investigation into Alan Turing's missing records and the development of the machine. It sets up a compelling mystery that leaves the audience wanting more.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of investigating Alan Turing's potential involvement in espionage adds layers to the character and the overall plot. The development of the machine also introduces a key element of the story.

Plot: 8.5

The plot thickens with the discovery of the missing military records and the implication of espionage. The scene moves the story forward by introducing new conflicts and mysteries.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh perspective on historical events and characters, blending elements of espionage and detective work in a compelling narrative. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds depth and complexity to the story.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters, especially Detective Nock and Superintendant Smith, are well-defined and contribute to the tension of the scene. Alan Turing's absence is felt, adding to the intrigue.

Character Changes: 7

There are hints at potential character changes, especially in Detective Nock's growing suspicion and determination. The scene sets up future developments for the characters.

Internal Goal: 8

Detective Nock's internal goal is to uncover the truth behind Alan Turing's mysterious military file and potential involvement in espionage. This reflects his desire for justice, truth, and uncovering hidden secrets.

External Goal: 7

Detective Nock's external goal is to investigate Alan Turing's background and potential connections to Soviet spies. This reflects the immediate challenge of solving a complex case and preventing potential threats to national security.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict between Detective Nock and Superintendant Smith, as well as the underlying mystery of Alan Turing's missing records, creates a tense atmosphere in the scene.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting interests, hidden agendas, and potential threats creating obstacles for the protagonist.

High Stakes: 8

The high stakes are implied through the investigation into espionage and the potential threat to national security. The scene raises the stakes for the characters and the overall narrative.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by introducing new plot elements and conflicts. It sets the stage for future revelations and developments.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists and turns in the investigation, as well as the revelation of hidden motives and secrets.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the tension between loyalty to one's country and the pursuit of truth and justice. Detective Nock's suspicions challenge the traditional values of patriotism and trust in authority.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

While the scene is more focused on intrigue and mystery, there is a subtle emotional undercurrent, especially in Detective Nock's determination to uncover the truth.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is sharp and engaging, particularly in the interactions between Detective Nock and Superintendant Smith. It drives the investigation forward and reveals character motivations.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its fast-paced dialogue, intriguing premise, and complex character dynamics. The tension and suspense keep the audience invested in the unfolding mystery.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by balancing exposition, dialogue, and action to maintain tension and momentum throughout.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with proper scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a historical drama, with clear character motivations, escalating tension, and a cliffhanger ending that propels the narrative forward.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes a sense of urgency and tension through Detective Nock's investigation into Alan Turing's background. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtext to convey the stakes involved. The banter between Nock and Superintendent Smith feels somewhat flat and could be enhanced with more emotional weight or personal stakes for Nock, making his determination to investigate Turing more compelling.
  • The pacing of the scene is brisk, which is good for maintaining tension, but it may sacrifice character development. Nock's motivations for pursuing Turing could be more fleshed out. Why is he so invested in this case? Adding a line or two that hints at his personal connection to the investigation could deepen the audience's engagement.
  • The transition from the police station to Bletchley Park is abrupt. While the cut to the machine being built is visually striking, it may benefit from a brief moment that connects the two locations thematically or narratively. For instance, a line from Nock about the importance of Turing's work could serve as a bridge to the next scene, emphasizing the contrast between the police's perception of Turing and his actual contributions.
  • The dialogue between Nock and Smith is somewhat expository, particularly when discussing the spies. While it serves to inform the audience, it could be more natural. Consider incorporating more casual language or interruptions to make it feel like a real conversation rather than a straightforward exchange of information.
  • The scene ends on a strong note with Nock's determination to follow Turing, but it could be enhanced by showing more of Nock's emotional response to Smith's dismissal. A brief moment of frustration or determination could add depth to his character and set the stage for his actions in the following scenes.
Suggestions
  • Add subtext to the dialogue between Nock and Smith to convey the stakes and personal motivations behind Nock's investigation into Turing.
  • Include a line or two that hints at Nock's personal connection to the case, making his determination to investigate Turing more compelling.
  • Create a thematic or narrative bridge between the police station and Bletchley Park to enhance the transition between the two locations.
  • Revise the dialogue to make it feel more natural and less expository, incorporating interruptions or casual language.
  • Show more of Nock's emotional response to Smith's dismissal to add depth to his character and set the stage for his subsequent actions.



Scene 21 -  Breaking Barriers
INT. CLARKE HOUSE - LONDON - DAY

Joan returns home from the market when she hears a familiar
VOICE from the sitting room.

ALAN TURING (O.S.)
— Well it’s a very important radio
factory you see. It’s not really —
I mean along the spectrum of radio
factories this one is particularly—

Joan follows the voices to find:


Alan sitting across from her MOTHER and FATHER, arguing.

ALAN TURING (CONT’D)
(seeing Joan)
Hello.

Joan makes the sort of face any young woman would make if she
found Alan Turing sitting to tea with her parents.

CUT TO:


INT. CLARKE HOUSE - LONDON - MINUTES LATER

In the KITCHEN: Joan’s MOTHER hands her a TEA TRAY. The two
share a look.

As Joan’s Mother and Father pretend to putter in the kitchen,
listening in on the conversation in the next room, Joan takes
the tray to the LIVING ROOM, where she begins to serve tea.

ALAN TURING
... Why aren’t you at Bletchley?

JOAN CLARKE
(”My parents can hear us”)
So kind of you to visit, Mr.
Turing. Was your trip pleasant?

ALAN TURING
Gather your things and let’s go.

JOAN CLARKE
I’m sorry. I am unable to accept
your offer.

ALAN TURING
And why not?

JOAN CLARKE
As my father told you, it is felt —
well we feel — that such a position
would hardly be appropriate.

ALAN TURING
You earned a double-first in
mathematics.

JOAN CLARKE
But sadly was not granted the
opportunity to become a Fellow.

ALAN TURING
You belong at Bletchley.


JOAN CLARKE
I’m sorry, but for someone in my
position to work - to live -
amongst all of your men, so far
from home... It would be
indecorous.

ALAN TURING
What in the world does that even —

JOAN CLARKE
(”I told you they’re
listening!”)
— One lump or two?

ON ALAN: Are you fucking serious?

ON JOAN: Yes. I’m fucking serious.

ON ALAN: He tries to think of a solution...

ALAN TURING
... We have a group of young women
who tend to our clerical tasks.
Assistants, translators. They live
together in town. Would that be a
more suitable environment?

ON JOAN’S PARENTS: This sounds more promising.

JOAN CLARKE
So I would be working amongst these
women?

ALAN TURING
(”Not actually”)
Yes.

ON JOAN: “Go on.”

ALAN TURING (CONT’D)
... Wonderful ladies, they even
organize social events at St
Martin’s church, down the road. The
whole thing is really quite...
Decorous.

ON JOAN’S PARENTS: That’s much better.

JOAN CLARKE
(”Good job.”)
Well. I will have to talk this over
with my family.

As Joan’s parents enter, we

CUT TO:


EXT. CLARKE HOUSE - MOMENTS LATER

Joan walks Alan out of the front door, finally out of earshot
from her parents for a few quick seconds.

ALAN TURING
You won’t have the proper
clearance, so we’ll have to
improvise a bit.

JOAN CLARKE
Why are you helping me?

ALAN TURING
There is only one thing that
matters in this entire world, do
you understand? Breaking Enigma.

JOAN CLARKE
Mr. Turing. Why are you helping me?

ALAN TURING
... Sometimes it is the very people
who no one imagines anything of who
do the things that no one can
imagine.
Genres: ["Drama","Historical"]

Summary Joan Clarke returns home to find Alan Turing in a heated discussion with her parents about her potential employment at Bletchley. While serving tea, Joan navigates the tension between her aspirations and her parents' traditional views on women's roles. Alan encourages her to join him, proposing a solution that involves working alongside other women to appease her parents. After they leave, Joan questions Alan's motives, leading to a deep conversation about the significance of their work in breaking Enigma. The scene concludes with a moment of mutual understanding between Joan and Alan outside her home.
Strengths
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Character development
  • Emotional depth
Weaknesses
  • Limited physical action
  • Relatively contained setting

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys the tension and importance of the decision-making process for Joan Clarke, while also highlighting Alan Turing's determination to recruit her for the project. The dialogue is engaging and reveals the characters' motivations clearly.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of negotiating Joan's involvement in the Bletchley Park project adds depth to the characters and explores the societal constraints of the time period. It also sets up a significant relationship dynamic between Alan and Joan.

Plot: 8.5

The plot of the scene revolves around the decision-making process for Joan Clarke to join the Bletchley Park project, which is crucial for the overall narrative. It introduces conflict and character development.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh perspective on the historical context of World War II, focusing on the personal struggles and choices of the characters. The dialogue feels authentic and nuanced, capturing the tensions of the time period.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters of Alan Turing and Joan Clarke are well-developed in this scene, showcasing their contrasting personalities and motivations. Their interactions reveal layers of complexity and set the stage for future dynamics.

Character Changes: 8

Joan Clarke undergoes a subtle shift in her perspective and willingness to consider joining the project, showcasing her internal conflict and growth. Alan Turing's determination also solidifies his character traits.

Internal Goal: 8

Joan's internal goal is to assert her independence and agency in the face of societal expectations and pressure from her parents. She desires to make her own choices and pursue her own path, despite the limitations placed on her.

External Goal: 7

Joan's external goal is to navigate the offer to work at Bletchley and find a compromise that aligns with her values and desires.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict in the scene arises from Joan's reluctance to join the project and Alan's determination to recruit her. This internal conflict adds depth to the characters and drives the emotional tension.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting desires and motivations driving the characters' actions.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in this scene as Joan grapples with a life-changing decision that could impact her future and the success of the Bletchley Park project. The outcome carries significant weight for the characters.

Story Forward: 9

The scene propels the story forward by introducing a key decision point for Joan Clarke and setting up future interactions between the characters. It adds depth to the narrative and foreshadows developments to come.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the shifting power dynamics between the characters and the unexpected choices they make.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene is the tension between societal expectations and personal agency. Joan must balance her duty to her family with her own aspirations and beliefs.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene evokes a strong emotional response from the audience, particularly in Joan's internal struggle and Alan's persistence. The tension and stakes are palpable, drawing the viewers into the characters' dilemmas.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue in the scene is engaging and serves the purpose of conveying the characters' emotions, motivations, and conflicts. It effectively drives the narrative forward and establishes the relationship between Alan and Joan.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the tension between the characters, the high stakes of the decision Joan must make, and the subtle humor woven throughout the dialogue.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a gradual build-up of tension and conflict leading to a satisfying resolution.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and easy to follow, with distinct scene headings and character actions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a traditional structure for a dialogue-driven scene, with clear character motivations and conflicts driving the action.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes the tension between Joan and her parents' societal expectations and Alan's determination to recruit her for Bletchley Park. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtext to convey the underlying emotions and stakes without being overly explicit.
  • Joan's internal conflict about her role at Bletchley is clear, but her motivations could be further developed. The audience might benefit from a deeper exploration of her feelings about working in a male-dominated environment and her desire to contribute to the war effort.
  • Alan's character is portrayed as assertive and somewhat oblivious to social norms, which is consistent with his established persona. However, his frustration could be more nuanced to reflect a deeper understanding of Joan's predicament, rather than just a focus on the mission.
  • The use of the parents as eavesdroppers adds a layer of tension, but their presence could be utilized more effectively to heighten the stakes. For instance, their reactions could be more pronounced to emphasize the societal pressures Joan faces.
  • The transition between the living room and the exterior of the house is abrupt. A smoother transition could enhance the flow of the scene, perhaps by including a moment of reflection from Joan as she walks Alan out, reinforcing her internal struggle.
Suggestions
  • Incorporate more subtext in the dialogue to convey the characters' emotions and motivations without explicitly stating them. This can create a richer experience for the audience.
  • Consider adding a moment where Joan reflects on her parents' expectations or her own aspirations before Alan arrives, providing context for her hesitance to accept his offer.
  • Deepen Alan's character by showing a moment of vulnerability or understanding towards Joan's situation, which could create a more complex dynamic between them.
  • Enhance the parents' role by giving them more distinct reactions during the conversation, which could amplify the tension and highlight the societal pressures on Joan.
  • Smooth out the transition between the indoor and outdoor settings by including a brief moment of introspection for Joan as she walks Alan out, reinforcing her internal conflict.



Scene 22 -  Midnight Frustration
EXT. BLETCHLEY PARK - DAY

Joan and a few OTHER WRENS exit a BUS that’s deposited them
in front of the Park’s central mansion.

Looking up at it, she sees Alan walking across the way.

He gives her a small wave, which she returns with a small
wave back.


INT. BLETCHLEY PARK - HUT 8 - NIGHT

Later in Hut 8, the team (w/o Alan) — Hugh, John, Peter, and
the new guy, Jack — work frantically into the night.

The team uses their PERFORATED SHEETS to find linguistic
patterns in the Enigma messages, everyone working as hard and
as fast as they possibly can until —

— Suddenly a BELL GOES OFF.

Everyone stops their work, frustrated.

Angry, Hugh KICKS his desk.


JACK GOOD
... What just happened?

JOHN CAIRNCROSS
Midnight. All the work we did today
is useless. But don’t worry: We’ve
a few hours before tomorrow’s
messages start pouring in. And we
start all over again.

PETER HILTON
From scratch.

HUGH ALEXANDER
I am sick of this. Sick. He made me
waste four hours this morning re-
wiring his plugboard matrix. Three
hours yesterday on rotor positions.

JOHN CAIRNCROSS
Don’t go over there.

HUGH ALEXANDER
No. If our job was not impossible
before it bloody well is now.

Hugh stands and heads to the door —

JOHN CAIRNCROSS
— Hugh, don’t —

— But Hugh is already gone to

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Historical Drama","War"]

Summary At Bletchley Park, Joan shares a brief moment with Alan before the team in Hut 8, consisting of Hugh, John, Peter, and Jack, faces frustration as their late-night efforts to analyze Enigma messages are cut short by the midnight bell. Hugh, feeling the pressure of wasted time and blaming Alan for their inefficiency, decides to confront him despite John's warnings. The scene captures the tension and strain of their work environment, ending with Hugh's determined exit from Hut 8.
Strengths
  • Intense atmosphere
  • Realistic portrayal of codebreaking challenges
  • Strong character dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Limited character development in this specific scene

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys the overwhelming pressure and frustration faced by the characters, setting a tense and urgent tone. The dialogue and actions of the characters highlight the challenges they are up against, creating a compelling and engaging atmosphere.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of showcasing the challenges and frustrations of codebreaking during wartime is effectively realized in this scene. The focus on the team's tireless efforts and the constant setbacks they face adds depth to the narrative.

Plot: 8.5

The plot progression in this scene is crucial as it highlights the high stakes and challenges faced by the characters. The midnight reset adds a layer of tension and raises the stakes for the team.

Originality: 9

The scene demonstrates originality through its portrayal of the challenges and frustrations faced by code-breakers during World War II, as well as the authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue in a historically accurate setting.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-developed in this scene, with each displaying their unique frustrations and motivations. The interactions between the team members reveal their individual personalities and dynamics.

Character Changes: 7

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the continued display of the characters' frustrations and determination adds depth to their development.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to overcome frustration and exhaustion in the face of seemingly impossible tasks. This reflects their deeper need for validation and success in their work.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to successfully decode Enigma messages and contribute to the war effort. This reflects the immediate challenge of time constraints and the pressure to deliver results.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict in the scene is primarily internal, as the characters struggle with their frustrations and the seemingly insurmountable task of decrypting Enigma. The midnight reset adds an external conflict of time pressure.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the characters facing setbacks and challenges that test their resolve and determination, creating uncertainty and conflict.

High Stakes: 9

The high stakes in the scene are evident through the characters' tireless efforts to decrypt Enigma messages and the constant setbacks they face. The midnight reset raises the stakes and adds urgency to their mission.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by highlighting the challenges faced by the codebreakers and the importance of their work in decrypting Enigma messages. The midnight reset adds a sense of urgency and progression.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the sudden setback the characters face when their work is rendered useless, adding a layer of tension and uncertainty to the narrative.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict is between the characters' frustration with the repetitive and seemingly futile nature of their work, and their dedication to the greater cause of winning the war. This challenges their beliefs in the value of their efforts and the impact they can make.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a strong emotional response from the audience, as they empathize with the characters' frustrations and determination. The sense of urgency and high stakes heighten the emotional impact.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the characters' emotions, frustrations, and determination. It adds depth to the interactions and enhances the overall tension of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it immerses the audience in the intense and high-pressure environment of Bletchley Park, creating suspense and emotional investment in the characters' struggles.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the characters' struggles and successes.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings and dialogue formatting that enhance readability and flow.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, effectively building tension and conflict through the characters' actions and dialogue.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes a sense of frustration and urgency among the team members at Bletchley Park, which is crucial given the high stakes of their work. However, the transition from the exterior to the interior could be smoother. The abrupt cut from Joan's wave to the team in Hut 8 feels disjointed and could benefit from a more gradual transition that maintains the emotional continuity.
  • The dialogue captures the team's frustration well, particularly Hugh's outburst, which adds tension. However, the dialogue could be more varied in tone. While frustration is a key emotion, incorporating moments of humor or camaraderie could provide a more balanced emotional landscape and deepen character relationships.
  • Hugh's character is established as frustrated and angry, but the motivations behind his feelings could be explored further. Why is he particularly upset with Alan? Adding a line or two that hints at a deeper personal investment in the work or a past experience could enhance the audience's understanding of his emotional state.
  • The pacing of the scene is effective in conveying urgency, but the introduction of Jack feels somewhat abrupt. A brief moment that highlights his role or perspective could help the audience connect with him more quickly, especially since he is a new character in this context.
  • The use of the bell as a narrative device is effective in signaling the end of their work, but it could be enhanced by showing the team's physical reactions to the sound. For example, a close-up of their faces or a shot of their hands stopping mid-action could heighten the impact of the moment.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment of transition between Joan's exterior scene and the interior of Hut 8 to create a smoother narrative flow. This could be a visual or auditory cue that connects the two locations.
  • Incorporate moments of levity or camaraderie among the team members to balance the frustration and deepen their relationships. This could be achieved through light banter or shared jokes that reflect their camaraderie despite the stress.
  • Explore Hugh's motivations further by adding a line that hints at his personal investment in the work or a past experience that informs his frustration. This will help the audience empathize with his character.
  • Provide a brief introduction or context for Jack's character to help the audience connect with him more quickly. This could be a line that establishes his background or his feelings about joining the team.
  • Enhance the impact of the bell signaling midnight by showing the team's physical reactions to it. Consider using close-ups or specific actions that illustrate their frustration and disappointment in that moment.



Scene 23 -  Fractured Resolve
INT. BLETCHLEY PARK - HUT 11 - MOMENTS LATER

Alan stands alone with his machine, tinkering, comparing the
assembly to his SCHEMATICS.

Hugh BURSTS in —

HUGH ALEXANDER
— Damn you and damn your useless
machine.

ALAN TURING
(not even looking)
My machine is how we’re going to
win.

HUGH ALEXANDER
This machine?


Hugh grabs a GLASS from the table and SMASHES IT AGAINST
ALAN’S MACHINE.

ALAN TURING
(turning around, shocked)
Stop.

HUGH ALEXANDER
This is the bloody machine you’re
talking about?

He grabs a WRENCH —

— Alan moves to protect Christopher, standing between Hugh
and the machine —

ALAN TURING
No no don’t —

— When the team enters behind Hugh —

— GRABBING HIM and HOLDING HIM BACK.

Alan stands between the team and his machine as Hugh STEAMS.

HUGH ALEXANDER
... You could help us. You could
make this go faster. But you won’t.

PETER HILTON
Hugh is right, Alan. There are
actual soldiers out there trying to
win an actual war — my brother, my
cousins, all my friends, they are
all making a difference, while we
wile away our days producing
nothing. Because of you.

HUGH ALEXANDER
Because of you...

Hugh PUSHES towards Alan again —

— but John HOLDS HIM BACK.

JOHN CAIRNCROSS
(to Hugh, calming)
... What’s the use?

ALAN TURING
My machine will work.

Hugh stares Alan, then at John.

HUGH ALEXANDER
.... I’m going to the pub.


Hugh leaves, and the team FOLLOWS.

ALAN TURING
... It’ll work.

ON ALAN: Alone. Rattled from the violence. Scared.

And yet... Resolved.

He makes a fateful decision and runs off to
Genres: ["Drama","Historical","War"]

Summary In Hut 11 at Bletchley Park, Alan Turing faces a heated confrontation with Hugh Alexander, who angrily criticizes Alan's machine as useless and expresses frustration over their progress in the war effort. Despite Hugh's aggression, including smashing a glass against the machine, Alan stands firm, insisting on the machine's importance. Tensions rise as Peter Hilton and John Cairncross join the argument, with Peter emphasizing the urgency of their work. Ultimately, Hugh storms out, leaving Alan shaken but determined to prove his machine's worth.
Strengths
  • Intense conflict
  • Emotional depth
  • Character dynamics
  • Sharp dialogue
  • Pivotal moment
Weaknesses
  • Potential for more visual cues to enhance tension

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9.2

The scene is intense, emotionally charged, and crucial to the plot, with strong character dynamics and a clear progression of the central conflict.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of Alan's machine as a solution to breaking the Enigma code is central to the scene, emphasizing the importance of innovation and determination in the face of adversity.

Plot: 9.2

The plot advances significantly in this scene, highlighting the internal conflict within the team and setting up future developments related to Alan's machine and the Enigma code.

Originality: 8

The scene presents a fresh take on the familiar wartime setting by focusing on the internal and external struggles of the characters, rather than just the historical events. The dialogue feels authentic and the characters' actions are believable.


Character Development

Characters: 9.3

The characters are well-developed, with distinct personalities and motivations that drive the conflict and reveal deeper layers of their relationships and individual struggles.

Character Changes: 9

The scene marks a significant moment of change for Alan Turing, as he faces opposition to his machine but remains resolute in his belief, showcasing his growth, determination, and willingness to challenge the status quo.

Internal Goal: 8

Alan's internal goal is to prove the effectiveness of his machine and his intelligence. He wants to show that his machine can make a difference in the war effort and gain recognition for his work.

External Goal: 7

Alan's external goal is to get his machine to work faster and contribute to the war effort. He wants to show that his machine can make a practical difference in the outcome of the war.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9.6

The conflict in the scene is intense and multi-layered, involving internal team dynamics, personal beliefs, and the overarching goal of breaking the Enigma code, driving the narrative forward.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting beliefs, values, and goals among the characters. The audience is left uncertain about how the conflicts will be resolved and what the consequences will be.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in the scene, as the success or failure of Alan's machine could determine the outcome of the war, adding urgency and tension to the narrative.

Story Forward: 9

The scene propels the story forward by deepening the central conflict, advancing character arcs, and setting up future plot developments related to Alan's machine and the Enigma code.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected violence and emotional outbursts from the characters. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of how the conflicts will be resolved.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between Alan's belief in the power of his machine to win the war and the skepticism and frustration of his colleagues who see his work as unproductive and wasteful.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9.3

The scene evokes strong emotions from the characters and the audience, with a mix of tension, frustration, determination, and defiance that resonates deeply.

Dialogue: 9.4

The dialogue is sharp, emotional, and impactful, effectively conveying the tension and stakes of the scene while revealing the characters' inner thoughts and conflicts.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the intense conflicts, emotional stakes, and high drama. The interactions between the characters and the sense of urgency keep the audience invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and drama, with well-timed character interactions, conflicts, and resolutions. The rhythm of the scene keeps the audience engaged and invested in the outcome.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene descriptions, character actions, and dialogue. The formatting enhances the readability and impact of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with well-defined character interactions and conflicts. The pacing and rhythm of the scene contribute to its effectiveness in building tension and drama.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the tension between Alan and Hugh, showcasing their differing perspectives on the urgency of their work. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtext; while the characters express their frustrations clearly, adding layers to their motivations could enhance the emotional stakes.
  • Hugh's outburst and the physical confrontation create a dramatic moment, but the escalation feels somewhat abrupt. It might be more impactful if there were earlier hints of Hugh's frustration leading up to this scene, allowing the audience to feel the build-up of tension.
  • Alan's protective stance over his machine is a strong visual representation of his dedication, but the scene could explore his emotional state more deeply. Instead of just being shocked, Alan could express a mix of fear, anger, and desperation, which would make his character more relatable and complex.
  • The introduction of the other team members feels a bit rushed. Their entrance should serve to heighten the tension rather than simply act as a plot device to restrain Hugh. Consider giving them distinct reactions to the confrontation to emphasize the group dynamic and the stakes involved.
  • The ending, where Alan is left alone and rattled, is powerful, but it could be enhanced by a more explicit internal conflict. Perhaps a brief voiceover or a moment of reflection could provide insight into Alan's thoughts, reinforcing his resolve while also highlighting his vulnerability.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment earlier in the scene where Hugh expresses his frustrations to another team member, which would foreshadow his outburst and make it feel more earned.
  • Incorporate more physicality in the confrontation. For example, Alan could physically struggle to keep Hugh away from the machine, which would heighten the stakes and make the scene more dynamic.
  • Explore Alan's emotional response more thoroughly. Perhaps include a line where he reflects on the pressure he feels to succeed, which would add depth to his character and make the audience empathize with him.
  • Give the other team members distinct personalities and reactions during the confrontation. This could involve them taking sides or expressing their own frustrations, which would enrich the group dynamic and add complexity to the scene.
  • Consider using a brief internal monologue or visual flashback for Alan at the end of the scene to illustrate his determination and the weight of his responsibilities, reinforcing the emotional impact of the moment.



Scene 24 -  The Stealthy Escape
INT. BLETCHLEY PARK - HUT 8 - MINUTES LATER

Alan goes back into Hut 8, which is now empty.

He goes to a far STORAGE CABINET, from which he removes a
STACK OF ENIGMA MESSAGES.

Alan FOLDS THE SHEETS, STUFFING THEM INTO HIS COAT POCKETS —

— INTO HIS PANTS —

— INTO HIS SHOES —

— ETC.

He runs out, concealing enough top secret information on his
body to have him hanged for treason ten times over.


EXT. BLETCHLEY PARK - DIRT PATH - MINUTES LATER

Alan walks his bicycle through the CHECK POINT, showing his
ID to the GUARDS.


EXT. BLETCHLEY PARK - MAIN GATE - CONTINUOUS

At the Gate, ARMED GUARDS stop him as he passes, and as is
protocol, Alan opens up his BRIEFCASE for the men to see:

Nothing is inside.

Concealing the documents in his coat/pants/shoes/etc., Alan
hops on his bike and heads off to:


EXT. JOAN’S FLAT - LATER

Alan bicycles to the outside of Joan’s new flat.

The windows are BOARDED UP at night — city regulations, so
that the Germans flying overhead can’t see any lights from
the town.


Alan CHUCKS A SMALL rock at Joan’s boarded window —

— Then carefully sneaks around in back of the house—

— Finding an OPEN BACK WINDOW —

— On the second floor.

He CLIMBS A NEARBY FENCE, and JUMPS FROM THE FENCE TO THE
WINDOW —

— Where Joan GRABS HIM and HELPS HIM INSIDE:
Genres: ["Historical Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In a tense and suspenseful scene, Alan returns to the empty Hut 8 at Bletchley Park, where he hurriedly conceals top secret Enigma messages in his clothing. After navigating a checkpoint and evading armed guards by presenting an empty briefcase, he bicycles to Joan's flat, which is darkened for blackout regulations. Using stealth, he throws a rock at her window and climbs in through an open second-floor window, where Joan assists him, highlighting their trust and intimacy.
Strengths
  • Tension and suspense
  • High stakes
  • Character motivations and actions
Weaknesses
  • Limited character development
  • Minimal dialogue

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively builds tension and suspense, highlighting the risks involved in espionage and the determination of the characters. The emotional impact and high stakes add depth to the storyline.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of concealing top-secret information and breaking into Joan's flat adds depth to the storyline, highlighting the risks and challenges faced by the characters in a wartime setting.

Plot: 8.5

The plot of the scene is engaging and moves the story forward by showcasing the risks involved in espionage and the determination of the characters to uncover secrets. The high stakes add tension and suspense.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh perspective on espionage and wartime secrecy, with a focus on the personal sacrifices and moral complexities of the characters. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds depth and realism to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters' actions and motivations are well-defined, with Alan's determination and risk-taking behavior, as well as Joan's involvement in the espionage activities, adding depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 7

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the actions and decisions made by the characters showcase their motivations and personalities, adding depth to their development.

Internal Goal: 8

Alan's internal goal is to protect the top-secret information he has obtained and potentially share it with Joan. This reflects his desire to make a difference in the war effort and his fear of being caught as a spy.

External Goal: 7

Alan's external goal is to deliver the Enigma messages to Joan without being caught by the guards. This reflects the immediate challenge he faces in maintaining secrecy and avoiding detection.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The scene has a high level of conflict, with the characters facing risks and challenges in their espionage activities. The tension and suspense add to the conflict, driving the plot forward.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Alan facing multiple obstacles and risks in delivering the Enigma messages to Joan. The audience is kept in suspense as to whether he will succeed or be caught.

High Stakes: 9

The scene has high stakes, with the characters risking their lives to conceal top-secret information and break into Joan's flat. The tension and suspense add to the high stakes, driving the plot forward.

Story Forward: 9

The scene effectively moves the story forward by showcasing the risks and challenges faced by the characters in their espionage activities. The high stakes and tension drive the plot forward, setting up future developments.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected obstacles and challenges Alan faces, keeping the audience on edge and unsure of the outcome.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the ethics of espionage and the sacrifices individuals make for the greater good. Alan's actions challenge traditional notions of loyalty and patriotism.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene has a significant emotional impact, with the characters' fear, determination, and anxiety effectively conveyed. The high stakes and risks involved in espionage add depth to the emotional resonance of the scene.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the tension and suspense, with minimal but impactful exchanges between the characters. The dialogue enhances the atmosphere of secrecy and espionage.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its fast-paced action, high stakes, and emotional intensity. The audience is invested in Alan's mission and the risks he takes to achieve his goals.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a balance of action sequences and character interactions that maintain tension and momentum. The rhythm of the scene enhances its effectiveness in conveying the urgency of the situation.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene is well-formatted with clear scene headings, action descriptions, and character dialogue. The formatting enhances the readability and flow of the screenplay.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear and logical progression, building tension and suspense as Alan navigates through various obstacles to deliver the Enigma messages. The formatting adheres to the expected format for a historical drama genre.


Critique
  • The scene effectively conveys Alan's desperation and urgency as he conceals sensitive information, which heightens the tension. However, the pacing feels rushed, and the transition from Hut 11 to Hut 8 could benefit from a moment of reflection or internal dialogue to emphasize Alan's emotional state after the confrontation with Hugh.
  • The visual elements of Alan stuffing documents into his clothing are strong, but the scene could be enhanced by incorporating more sensory details. For example, describing the texture of the paper, the weight of the documents, or Alan's physical sensations (like his heartbeat or sweat) would deepen the reader's connection to his anxiety.
  • The dialogue is minimal, which works for the tension, but adding a brief internal monologue or a line of dialogue from Alan as he prepares to leave could provide insight into his mindset. This would help the audience understand the stakes and his motivations more clearly.
  • The transition from the checkpoint to Joan's flat feels abrupt. A brief moment of reflection or a visual cue (like a glance back at Bletchley Park) could enhance the emotional weight of his escape and the significance of his actions.
  • The action of Alan throwing a rock at Joan's window is a clever visual, but it may come off as slightly juvenile given the gravity of the situation. A more subtle approach, such as a gentle tap or a more thoughtful method of getting her attention, could maintain the tension while also reflecting Alan's character.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment of internal conflict for Alan as he prepares to leave Hut 8, reflecting on the risks he's taking and the potential consequences of his actions.
  • Incorporate sensory details to enhance the atmosphere, such as the sound of the documents rustling or the feeling of the cold night air as Alan sneaks around.
  • Introduce a line of dialogue or internal thought from Alan that encapsulates his fear and determination, providing the audience with a clearer understanding of his emotional state.
  • Smooth the transition between locations by including a brief moment of reflection or a visual cue that emphasizes the significance of Alan's escape from Bletchley Park.
  • Reconsider the action of throwing a rock at the window; perhaps have Alan use a more subtle method to signal Joan, which would align better with his character's intelligence and the gravity of the situation.



Scene 25 -  A Fiery Encounter
INT. JOAN’S FLAT - CONTINUOUS

It’s dark inside...

JOAN CLARKE
(whispering)
Could you have made a bit more
noise, Alan? Not sure you woke up
my landlady.

ALAN TURING
Sorry.

Joan turns on a SMALL LAMP and then lights some CANDLES.

JOAN CLARKE
The best I can do. No male visitors
after dark.

She watches Alan remove papers from his pockets.

JOAN CLARKE (CONT’D)
What’d you bring me?

Alan produces the Enigma messages from every available hiding
place on his person.

JOAN CLARKE (CONT’D)
... Some men try flowers, you know.

ALAN TURING
(pulling papers from
inside his shirt)
These are actual decrypted Enigma
messages, direct from Nazi high
command.

JOAN CLARKE
Or chocolates. Girls like
chocolate.


Alan starts PLACING THE MESSAGES down on a table, but there
isn’t room, so he starts LAYING THEM OUT ON THE FLOOR.

JOAN CLARKE (CONT’D)
(reading a message)
“0600 hours. Weather today is
clear. Rain in the evening. Heil
Hitler.” Well, clearly that vital
information is going to win us the
war.

ALAN TURING
It’s the relationship between the
encrypted and decrypted messages
that interests me. Is there a clue
there that we can build into
Christopher?

JOAN CLARKE
Who’s “Christopher”?

ALAN TURING
Oh. He’s my machine.

JOAN CLARKE
You named him?

ALAN TURING
Is that a bad name?

JOAN CLARKE
Nevermind...
(looks over the messages)
Are you trying to build your
Universal Machine?

Alan looks at her: How do you know what that is?

Joan smiles.

JOAN CLARKE (CONT’D)
I read your paper at university.

ALAN TURING
They’re teaching it already?

JOAN CLARKE
Oh God no, but I was precocious.
You theorized a machine that can
solve any problem. It doesn’t just
do one thing: It does everything.
The machine isn’t only
programmable, it’s re-programmable.

ON ALAN: She understands what he’s been writing about.


JOAN CLARKE (CONT’D)
Is that part of the idea behind
your Christopher?

ALAN TURING
Human beings can compute large sums
very quickly. Even Hugh can do
that. I want Christopher to be...
Smarter. To make a calculation, and
then to determine what to do next.
Like a person does. Think of it: An
electrical brain. A digital
computer.

JOAN CLARKE
(trying out the words on
her tongue)
A “digital computer?” Hmm.

ALAN TURING
I’ll show you —

— Alan TURNS, and KNOCKS OVER THE CANDLE...

... Which LIGHTS THE ENIGMA MESSAGES ON FIRE.

Alan and Joan SCRAMBLE TO PUT OUT THE FIRE.

They make a lot of NOISE in the process, though they do
manage not to burn down Joan’s flat.

ALAN TURING (CONT’D)
I’m so sorry.

They hear more noise from downstairs: “Joan?!? HELLO?!?”

JOAN CLARKE
My landlady. You need to leave.

ALAN TURING
Right.

Alan moves to the front door —

JOAN CLARKE
— No. The window. She’s coming.

ALAN TURING
(staring at window)
Really?

JOAN CLARKE
Go.


Alan AWKWARDLY CLIMBS OUT THE WINDOW, TRYING NOT TO FALL...

SMASH CUT TO:
Genres: ["Historical Drama","War","Thriller"]

Summary In Joan's dimly lit flat, Joan Clarke and Alan Turing share a playful yet tense conversation about decrypted Enigma messages and Alan's ambitious project, a thinking machine named Christopher. Their discussion takes a chaotic turn when Alan accidentally knocks over a candle, igniting the messages and prompting a frantic effort to extinguish the flames. As they hear Joan's landlady approaching, Alan is urged to escape through the window, highlighting the urgency of their secretive meeting.
Strengths
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Tension-filled atmosphere
  • Revealing character dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Accidental fire scene may seem contrived

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.7

The scene is well-structured, filled with tension and intrigue, and moves the plot forward significantly. The dialogue is engaging, and the emotional impact is palpable.


Story Content

Concept: 8.6

The concept of using decrypted Enigma messages to drive the plot forward is innovative and engaging. The introduction of Alan's machine adds depth to the story and foreshadows future technological advancements.

Plot: 8.9

The plot is advanced significantly in this scene, with key information about Alan's work and the war effort revealed. The tension between characters adds depth and complexity to the narrative.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces fresh ideas and concepts, such as Alan's machine, Christopher, and the decryption of Enigma messages. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and engaging, contributing to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters of Alan and Joan are well-developed in this scene, with their motivations and personalities coming to the forefront. Their interactions reveal layers of complexity and set the stage for future dynamics.

Character Changes: 8

Both Alan and Joan undergo subtle changes in this scene, with their relationship evolving and their dedication to the cause deepening. Their interactions hint at future growth and challenges.

Internal Goal: 8

Alan's internal goal in this scene is to showcase his intelligence and innovation through his work on the Enigma messages and his machine, Christopher. This reflects his deeper desire for recognition and validation of his ideas and abilities.

External Goal: 7

Alan's external goal is to deliver the decrypted Enigma messages to Joan and discuss his ideas for the Universal Machine. This reflects the immediate challenge of decoding the messages and building his machine amidst secrecy and danger.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8.8

The conflict between Alan and Joan, as well as the external threat of discovery, creates a tense and suspenseful atmosphere. The stakes are high, adding urgency to the scene.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the threat of the landlady discovering Alan's presence and the Enigma messages catching fire adding obstacles for the characters to overcome. The audience is left uncertain of the outcome.

High Stakes: 9

The high stakes of the war effort, the secrecy of the decryption work, and the personal risks faced by the characters all contribute to a sense of urgency and importance in the scene.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward significantly, introducing key elements that will shape future events and character arcs. The revelations about Alan's work and the decrypted messages propel the narrative forward.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected turn of events, such as the Enigma messages catching fire and the urgency of the characters' actions. The audience is kept on their toes, unsure of how the situation will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the idea of intelligence, innovation, and the potential of machines to think like humans. Alan's vision for Christopher challenges traditional notions of computing and raises questions about the nature of intelligence.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.6

The emotional impact of the scene is significant, with the characters' passion for their work and the gravity of the war effort coming through strongly. The tension and stakes evoke a sense of concern and intrigue.

Dialogue: 8.7

The dialogue is sharp, informative, and reveals key aspects of the characters' personalities and goals. The exchanges between Alan and Joan are particularly engaging and drive the scene forward.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its blend of tension, humor, and character dynamics. The unfolding events and dialogue keep the audience invested in the story and characters.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a balance of tension, humor, and character interactions. The rhythm of the scene contributes to its effectiveness and keeps the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene descriptions, character actions, and dialogue. The formatting enhances the readability and flow of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with well-defined character interactions and plot progression. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the effectiveness of the scene.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the tension and urgency of Alan's clandestine visit to Joan's flat, highlighting the stakes involved in their work. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtext to deepen the emotional connection between the characters. While the banter is light-hearted, it sometimes feels too on-the-nose, which can detract from the gravity of their situation.
  • Joan's character is portrayed as witty and intelligent, but her responses could be more layered to reflect her internal conflict about being involved in such dangerous work. This would add depth to her character and make her more relatable to the audience.
  • The physical comedy of the candle knocking over and the subsequent scramble to put out the fire is a nice touch, but it risks undermining the tension of the moment. The stakes are high, and while humor can be effective, it should not overshadow the urgency of their mission. Balancing the comedic elements with the seriousness of their work is crucial.
  • The introduction of 'Christopher' as Alan's machine is intriguing, but the explanation could be more concise. The dialogue about the machine's capabilities feels slightly expository. Instead of explaining everything, consider showing Alan's passion through his actions or a more dynamic interaction with Joan.
  • The scene ends with Alan awkwardly climbing out the window, which is a humorous visual, but it could be more impactful if it reflected his desperation or urgency. A more dramatic exit could heighten the tension and leave the audience with a stronger impression of the risks they are taking.
Suggestions
  • Incorporate more subtext in the dialogue to convey the characters' feelings and motivations without explicitly stating them. This will create a richer emotional landscape.
  • Explore Joan's internal conflict further by adding moments where she hesitates or expresses doubt about the risks involved in their work, making her character more relatable and complex.
  • Consider toning down the comedic elements during the fire scene to maintain the tension. You could achieve this by focusing more on their frantic attempts to extinguish the fire rather than the humor of the situation.
  • Streamline the explanation of 'Christopher' to avoid excessive exposition. Perhaps show Alan working on the machine or interacting with it in a way that demonstrates its capabilities rather than explaining them.
  • Enhance the urgency of Alan's exit by making it more dramatic. For example, he could hear footsteps approaching and have to make a split-second decision, which would heighten the stakes and leave a lasting impression on the audience.



Scene 26 -  Suspicion at Bletchley Park
EXT. BLETCHLEY PARK - THE NEXT DAY

REVEAL: Alan has been injured in his fall.

(Climbing is not his strong suit.)

Alan walks through the grounds into:


INT. BLETCHLEY PARK - HUT 8 - CONTINUOUS

Alan enters Hut 8 to find his team watching silently as a
bunch of MILITARY POLICE RIFLE THROUGH HIS DESK —

— MANHANDLING his papers, his machine parts, making a mess.

ALAN TURING
(re: parts of Christopher)
Hey! Don’t touch that!

The RMP’S TRAIN GUNS ON HIM.

MILITARY POLICEMAN
Don’t move!

ALAN TURING
That’s my desk.

COMMANDER DENNISTON (O.S.)
Thank goodness. Be a pity if we
were searching the wrong one.

Alan turns to find Denniston directing the search.

ALAN TURING
What are you doing?

COMMANDER DENNISTON
There’s a spy at Bletchley Park.

JOHN CAIRNCROSS
The Navy thinks one of us is a
Soviet double-agent, Alan.

ALAN TURING
Why?


COMMANDER DENNISTON
Our boys intercepted this on its
way to Moscow. Look familiar?

Denniston hands Alan a TELEGRAM — it’s a LONG STRING OF
LETTERS, running down the entire page.

ALAN TURING
(looking at the telegram)
... This is a Beale Cypher. It’s
encrypted with a key phrase, from a
book or a poem or...
(re: the team)
Which one of them did this?

As Alan stares at the team, they stare back at him.

He glances at the RMP’s rifling through his desk.

Oh fuck.

ALAN TURING (CONT’D)
I’m not a double agent.

COMMANDER DENNISTON
Double agents are such bastards.
Isolated loners. No attachments to
friends or family. Arrogant. Think
they’re smart enough to get away
with anything. Do you know anyone
like that?

ALAN TURING
I know you don’t like me... But you
don’t think I could actually be a
spy, do you?

ON THE TEAM: They won’t look him in the eye.

MILITARY POLICEMAN
(to Denniston)
Nothing out of the ordinary, Sir.

COMMANDER DENNISTON
Well then. Next time, you will make
a mistake. And then, I don’t even
need to bother firing you — I can
simply hang you for treason.

Denniston and his men LEAVE.

HUGH ALEXANDER
(to Jack)
... Aren’t you glad you joined up
just in time?
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary After a fall, Alan Turing arrives at Hut 8 to find military police searching his belongings under the suspicion of espionage. Commander Denniston accuses him of potentially being a double agent, creating a tense atmosphere as Alan confronts the implications of the accusations. His team members avoid eye contact, further isolating him. The scene culminates in a feeling of unease as Denniston threatens Alan with treason, leaving him and his colleagues in a state of anxiety and distrust.
Strengths
  • Intense conflict
  • Sharp dialogue
  • Suspenseful atmosphere
Weaknesses
  • Limited character development for some team members

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively builds tension and suspense through the discovery of a potential spy among the team, creating a sense of urgency and danger. The dialogue is sharp and impactful, revealing the characters' fears and suspicions.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a potential spy within the team at Bletchley Park adds intrigue and raises the stakes for the characters. The introduction of the Beale Cypher as a plot device enhances the complexity of the narrative.

Plot: 9

The plot of the scene is crucial in advancing the overarching story, introducing a major conflict that will have significant repercussions for the characters and their mission. The discovery of the Beale Cypher sets the stage for further developments.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on the spy genre by focusing on the internal struggles and ethical dilemmas faced by the protagonist. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-developed, with distinct personalities and motivations that drive their actions in the scene. The tension between the team members adds depth to their relationships and creates compelling dynamics.

Character Changes: 8

The scene prompts a shift in the dynamics among the characters, as suspicions of espionage lead to mistrust and conflict within the team. The revelation of the Beale Cypher forces the characters to reevaluate their relationships and alliances.

Internal Goal: 8

Alan's internal goal in this scene is to prove his innocence and loyalty to his team. He is fearful of being seen as a double agent and wants to maintain his reputation and relationships.

External Goal: 7.5

Alan's external goal is to clear his name and find the real spy among his team. He is faced with the challenge of convincing his colleagues and superiors of his innocence.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is intense and multi-layered, with suspicions of espionage creating a sense of danger and uncertainty among the characters. The high stakes and personal implications of the situation drive the tension to a peak.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the threat of being perceived as a double agent and the tension between the characters creating a sense of uncertainty and danger.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes in the scene are high, with suspicions of espionage threatening the security of Bletchley Park and the success of the codebreaking mission. The characters' lives and the outcome of the war are at risk, adding urgency and tension to the situation.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly advances the plot, introducing a major conflict that will have far-reaching consequences for the characters and their mission. The discovery of the Beale Cypher propels the narrative forward and sets the stage for future developments.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the shifting allegiances, moral ambiguity, and unexpected revelations that keep the audience guessing.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around trust, loyalty, and the nature of betrayal. Alan is forced to confront the idea of being perceived as a traitor by those he works with and trusted.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene elicits a range of emotions, from anxiety and fear to defiance and determination. The characters' reactions to the discovery of a potential spy add depth and complexity to the narrative, engaging the audience on an emotional level.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is sharp and impactful, revealing the characters' emotions and suspicions effectively. The exchanges between the characters heighten the tension and drive the conflict forward.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its high stakes, tense interactions, and moral dilemmas that keep the audience invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 8.5

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and suspense, with a gradual escalation of conflict and emotional intensity.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene adheres to the expected format for a screenplay, with clear scene descriptions, character actions, and dialogue.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a tense and suspenseful moment in a spy thriller, with clear character motivations and escalating conflict.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes tension and stakes with the arrival of military police, creating a sense of urgency and danger for Alan Turing. However, the dialogue could be more impactful if it included more emotional weight, particularly in Alan's responses to the accusations. His fear and desperation could be emphasized further to enhance the audience's connection to his plight.
  • The use of the Beale Cypher as a plot device is intriguing, but it may benefit from a brief explanation or context for viewers unfamiliar with it. This could be done through Alan's dialogue, allowing him to explain its significance and why it implicates him, which would also serve to heighten the tension.
  • The characterization of Commander Denniston comes off as somewhat one-dimensional, primarily serving as an antagonist in this scene. Adding layers to his motivations or showing a hint of doubt about the accusations could create a more complex dynamic between him and Alan, making the conflict more engaging.
  • The reactions of Alan's team are crucial in this scene, but they feel somewhat passive. Instead of just staring at Alan, they could express their internal conflict or fear, which would add depth to their characters and the overall tension. This could be achieved through subtle body language or brief exchanges of dialogue.
  • The pacing of the scene is generally good, but the transition from the military police's search to Alan's confrontation with Denniston could be smoother. A brief moment of silence or a reaction shot could heighten the tension before the dialogue resumes, allowing the audience to absorb the gravity of the situation.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment where Alan physically reacts to the military police's presence, such as a flinch or a defensive posture, to visually convey his fear and vulnerability.
  • Incorporate a line where Alan explains the Beale Cypher in layman's terms, which would not only clarify its significance but also showcase his intelligence and expertise in a way that contrasts with the accusations against him.
  • Develop Commander Denniston's character by including a line that hints at his own insecurities or doubts about the situation, which could create a more nuanced antagonist and add complexity to their relationship.
  • Encourage Alan's team to express their feelings about the situation, perhaps through whispered conversations or worried glances, to create a sense of camaraderie and shared anxiety that heightens the stakes for Alan.
  • Enhance the transition between the military police's search and Alan's confrontation by including a moment of silence or a close-up shot of Alan's face, allowing the audience to feel the weight of the accusations before the dialogue resumes.



Scene 27 -  A Toast to Teamwork
INT. BLETCHLEY PARK - HUT 11 - MINUTES LATER

In the machine Hut next door, Alan touches his precious
machine for comfort.

Whenever he feels lonely, misunderstood, isolated — he has
his machine.

There’s a KNOCK on the door and...

... Joan enters.

JOAN CLARKE
I heard about what happened... I
have an idea of what might cheer
you up.

CUT TO:


INT. BLETCHLEY PARK - BEER HUT - LATER

Alan and Joan sip from beer bottles in the “beer hut” — Among
the military commissaries, it’s so named because, well, it’s
the one that serves beer.

They can be a bit more relaxed here than at Joan’s flat.

They’re surrounded by NAPKINS full of MATHEMATICAL EQUATIONS,
which they’re studying, debating, etc.

JOAN CLARKE
... So because no letter can be
encoded as itself, you’ve already a
handful of settings that can be
rejected at the outset. If you —

Just then, Hugh, John, and Peter enter the Beer Hut...

... Alan looks up, seeing them.

Joan notices.

JOAN CLARKE (CONT’D)
Is that your team? Let’s say hello.

ALAN TURING
No.

JOAN CLARKE
(to the boys)
Over here!

They see Joan...


ALAN TURING
I told you not to do that.

JOAN CLARKE
Correct.

... Hugh, John and Peter approach.

HUGH ALEXANDER
Alan. Didn’t even know you drank.

ALAN TURING
Hello.

JOAN CLARKE
He doesn’t, really, he just sort of
sips at the foam.

HUGH ALEXANDER
Tell you a secret, Miss...

JOAN CLARKE
... Clarke.

HUGH ALEXANDER
Miss Clarke.

JOAN CLARKE
Please.

HUGH ALEXANDER
The foam’s my favorite part too.

JOAN CLARKE
Well then, I’ll show you a trick.
(to Bartender)
Alex! We’re in need of supplies.

Joan hops behind the bar and the BARTENDER helps her to
BOTTLES OF GUINNESS.

Hugh, Alan, John and Peter watch.

HUGH ALEXANDER
Alan, are you... On a date?

ALAN TURING
What? No. Of course not.

HUGH ALEXANDER
Mind if I have a crack?

ALAN TURING
I’m not a Soviet spy.


HUGH ALEXANDER
Do love a proper blonde.

ALAN TURING
Hugh. I swear. I’m not a spy.

HUGH ALEXANDER
Oh for God’s sake, Alan, of course
you’re not a spy.

ALAN TURING
What?

HUGH ALEXANDER
Denniston gave me the Beale Cypher.
And guess what? I broke it. “Ask
and it shall be given you; seek and
ye shall find.” Matthew 7:7. That
was the key. Far too simple for
you. Pity Denniston disagrees.

Returning, Joan POURS PINTS OF GUINNESS FOR THE TEAM.

JOAN CLARKE
Did you ever notice that the
bubbles in a pint of Guinness
travel downwards, as opposed to
upwards in any other beer? Ever
wonder why? It’s because the pint
glass creates drag on the bubbles
along the side; but the center
bubbles are free to sprint upwards.
Then the rising current in the
middle pushes down on the side
bubbles and... And voila: Guinness.
The official beer of
mathematicians.

ON THE PINTS: Joan has etched pi symbols into the foam.

HUGH ALEXANDER
Be still my beating heart. Come
join us for a drink.

ALAN TURING
She’s assisting me with some
calculations.

HUGH ALEXANDER
Fine, Alan can come too.

ALAN TURING
Thank you.


JOAN CLARKE
Hugh was being sarcastic.

HUGH ALEXANDER
He’s a lost cause, I promise.

JOAN CLARKE
We’ll be there in a moment.

Joan smiles at Hugh as he joins John and Peter at a separate
table.

ALAN TURING
... He likes you.

JOAN CLARKE
Yes.

ALAN TURING
You got him to like you.

JOAN CLARKE
Yes.

ALAN TURING
Why?

JOAN CLARKE
Because I’m a woman in a man’s job
and I don’t have the luxury of
being an ass.
(beat)
Alan, it doesn’t matter how smart
you are. Enigma is smarter. If you
really want to beat it — if you
really want to solve your puzzle —
you’re going to need all the help
you can get. And they are not going
to help you if they do not like
you.

Alan thinks. The next sentence is incredibly hard for him to
say out loud.

ALAN TURING
... How should I get them to like
me?

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Drama","Historical","War"]

Summary In the beer hut at Bletchley Park, Alan Turing, feeling lonely, finds comfort in conversation with Joan Clarke, who encourages him to connect with his team. As they discuss mathematical concepts over drinks, the mood shifts when Alan's teammates arrive, leading to playful teasing about his relationship with Joan. Joan emphasizes the importance of being liked to solve the Enigma puzzle, prompting Alan to awkwardly seek advice on improving his social interactions. The scene captures a blend of light-hearted camaraderie and Alan's struggle with isolation.
Strengths
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Character development
  • Thematic depth
Weaknesses
  • Limited external conflict
  • Some predictable character interactions

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively combines elements of character development, plot progression, and thematic exploration, creating a compelling and engaging moment in the story.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the scene, focusing on the importance of teamwork and likeability in a high-stakes environment, is well-developed and adds depth to the characters and their relationships.

Plot: 8.5

The plot of the scene moves forward significantly, introducing new dynamics between characters, setting up future conflicts, and deepening the thematic exploration of the story.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh perspective on historical events, showcasing the personal struggles and relationships of the characters involved. The authenticity of the dialogue and character dynamics adds to the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters are well-developed in this scene, with nuanced interactions and emotional depth. Their motivations and conflicts are effectively portrayed, adding layers to the narrative.

Character Changes: 8

The scene shows subtle changes in the characters' dynamics and relationships, particularly in Alan's willingness to consider the importance of likeability and teamwork.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to gain acceptance and support from his colleagues, reflecting his need for validation and connection despite his social difficulties.

External Goal: 7.5

The protagonist's external goal is to solve the Enigma code and contribute to the war effort, reflecting the immediate challenge he faces in breaking the unbreakable code.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict in the scene is primarily internal and interpersonal, focusing on the tension between characters and their differing approaches to the challenges they face.

Opposition: 7.5

The opposition in the scene is moderate, with interpersonal conflicts and challenges that add tension but are not insurmountable, keeping the audience intrigued about the characters' relationships and dynamics.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes in the scene are moderate, focusing on the personal and professional challenges faced by the characters in their codebreaking efforts during wartime.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by introducing new conflicts, deepening character relationships, and setting up future plot developments.

Unpredictability: 7

The scene is somewhat predictable in terms of character interactions and outcomes, with the focus more on emotional depth and relationship dynamics.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict revolves around the protagonist's struggle with social acceptance and the importance of building relationships to achieve his goals. It challenges his belief in the power of intellect alone.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene has a moderate emotional impact, with moments of tension, introspection, and connection between characters that resonate with the audience.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue in the scene is engaging, revealing character traits, advancing the plot, and providing insight into the thematic elements of the story.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to the dynamic interactions between characters, the humor interspersed with serious themes, and the progression of the protagonist's internal and external goals.

Pacing: 8.5

The pacing of the scene is effective in balancing dialogue, character interactions, and emotional beats, keeping the audience engaged and moving the story forward.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings, dialogue formatting, and descriptive elements.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with well-defined character interactions and progression of events, fitting the expected format for a character-driven historical drama.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the contrast between Alan's isolation and his connection with Joan, highlighting their intellectual camaraderie. However, the transition from Hut 11 to the Beer Hut feels abrupt. A smoother transition could enhance the flow of the narrative.
  • The dialogue is engaging and showcases the characters' personalities well, particularly Joan's blend of intelligence and playfulness. However, some of the humor, especially Hugh's comments, could be refined to avoid overshadowing the emotional weight of Alan's struggles.
  • Joan's explanation about the bubbles in Guinness is a clever metaphor for the complexities of their work, but it may distract from the main focus of the scene. It could be more effective if it tied back to their code-breaking efforts or Alan's emotional state.
  • Alan's struggle to connect with his team is a crucial theme, but his question about how to get them to like him feels a bit rushed. This moment could benefit from more buildup, allowing the audience to feel the weight of his loneliness and desire for acceptance more profoundly.
  • The visual elements, such as the etched pi symbols in the foam, are a nice touch that adds depth to the scene. However, the significance of these visuals could be emphasized further to reinforce the connection between mathematics and their mission.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment of reflection for Alan before Joan enters the Beer Hut, allowing the audience to feel his loneliness more acutely.
  • Refine Hugh's humor to ensure it complements the scene's emotional tone rather than detracts from it. Perhaps make his teasing more subtle or layered with genuine concern for Alan.
  • Integrate Joan's explanation about Guinness more closely with the themes of the scene. For example, she could draw a parallel between the bubbles and the challenges they face in their work.
  • Expand on Alan's internal struggle before he asks Joan how to get his team to like him. This could involve a moment of hesitation or self-doubt that emphasizes his vulnerability.
  • Highlight the significance of the etched pi symbols in the foam by having Alan or Joan comment on them in relation to their work, reinforcing the connection between their personal lives and their mission.



Scene 28 -  Awkward Offerings
INT. BLETCHLEY PARK - HUT 8 - DAY

Alan enters Hut 8 to find his team hard at work.

He’s carrying a BAG OF APPLES.


HUGH ALEXANDER
(sees apples)
What’re those?

ALAN TURING
Apples.

HUGH ALEXANDER
No.

ALAN TURING
No, they really are... I... Joan
told me it’d be nice to bring you
all something.

Alan takes the apple bag around the room, handing each man an
apple.

They take them. It’s really awkward.

JOHN CAIRNCROSS
Thanks?

PETER HILTON
I like apples.

HUGH ALEXANDER
My best to Miss Clarke.

ALAN TURING
... There are two fellows in the
woods. And they run into a bear.
The first fellow, he kneels down
and starts to pray. But the second
one, he begins lacing up his boots.
The first one says, “my friend,
what’re you doing? You can’t outrun
a bear.” And the second one
responds, “I don’t have to. I only
have to outrun you.”

Ba dum bum.

Awkward silence.

ALAN TURING (CONT’D)
I’ll be with Christopher if anyone
needs me.

Alan walks off to the adjacent Hut.

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Drama","Historical"]

Summary Alan Turing enters Hut 8 at Bletchley Park with a bag of apples, attempting to lighten the mood among his team. His awkward joke about two men and a bear falls flat, leading to an uncomfortable silence. Despite some polite acknowledgments from his colleagues, the atmosphere remains tense. Alan ultimately informs the team that he will be in the adjacent Hut with Christopher, leaving the awkwardness unresolved.
Strengths
  • Effective use of humor
  • Subtle character development
  • Establishing tension and dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Lack of significant plot progression
  • Low stakes

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 7.5

The scene effectively establishes a sense of awkwardness and tension through the interaction between the characters. The use of humor and the introduction of a simple gesture like offering apples adds depth to the relationships within the team.


Story Content

Concept: 7

The concept of using a simple gesture like offering apples to reveal underlying dynamics and tensions within the team is effective. It adds a layer of complexity to the relationships and sets the stage for future developments.

Plot: 7

The plot progression in this scene focuses on establishing the dynamics within the team and hinting at potential conflicts. The introduction of the apple gesture adds a unique element to the plot.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh approach to character interactions in a wartime setting, blending humor with seriousness. The dialogue feels authentic and reveals layers of the characters' personalities.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-developed in this scene, with each displaying distinct reactions to Alan's gesture. The dynamics between the team members are subtly revealed through their responses.

Character Changes: 6

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the dynamics and relationships among the characters are subtly developed, setting the stage for potential growth and conflicts.

Internal Goal: 8

Alan Turing's internal goal in this scene is to connect with his team on a personal level and show appreciation for their hard work. This reflects his desire for acceptance and understanding from his colleagues, as well as his need for human connection amidst the intense work environment.

External Goal: 7

Alan Turing's external goal in this scene is to maintain morale and cohesion within his team. This reflects the immediate challenge of keeping spirits high and productivity up in the face of the war effort.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

The conflict in the scene is more subtle, focusing on the underlying tensions and dynamics within the team. The awkwardness and unease among the characters hint at potential conflicts to come.

Opposition: 6

The opposition in the scene is subtle, with the awkward interactions and humor creating a sense of conflict and tension. The audience is left unsure of how the characters will navigate their relationships.

High Stakes: 5

The stakes in this scene are relatively low, with the focus on interpersonal dynamics and relationships within the team. However, the tension and unease hint at potential conflicts that could raise the stakes in future scenes.

Story Forward: 6

The scene primarily focuses on establishing character dynamics and setting the tone for future developments. While it doesn't significantly move the plot forward, it lays the groundwork for upcoming conflicts.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected humor and tension in the interactions between the characters. The bear story adds a surprising twist to the scene.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between the pragmatic approach of the second man in the bear story and the more traditional, prayerful approach of the first man. This challenges Alan Turing's belief in logic and practicality over superstition or tradition.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes a sense of awkwardness and tension, which resonates with the audience. The characters' reactions and the subtle humor add emotional depth to the interactions.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue effectively conveys the awkwardness and tension in the scene, with subtle humor adding depth to the interactions. The exchange between the characters feels natural and authentic.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the witty dialogue, awkward interactions, and subtle humor that keep the audience invested in the characters and their relationships.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension, humor, and character dynamics. The transitions between dialogue and action flow smoothly, keeping the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with proper scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting. The visual descriptions enhance the atmosphere of the setting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with clear character introductions, dialogue exchanges, and a transition to a new location. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the effectiveness of the scene.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures Alan's awkwardness and social struggles, which are central to his character. However, the humor in Alan's bear joke falls flat, which may detract from the intended light-heartedness. This could be an opportunity to explore Alan's character further by showing his awareness of his social ineptitude or his desire to connect with his team despite his awkwardness.
  • The dialogue feels somewhat stilted and lacks natural flow. The responses from the team members are minimal and do not fully engage with Alan's attempt to lighten the mood. This could be improved by adding more banter or reactions from the team that reflect their personalities and relationships with Alan.
  • The transition from the previous scene, where Alan expresses a desire to be liked, to this scene where he awkwardly attempts to connect through apples and a joke, is effective. However, the emotional stakes could be heightened by showing more of Alan's internal conflict or anxiety about this interaction, perhaps through his thoughts or physical reactions.
  • The visual element of Alan carrying a bag of apples is a nice touch, symbolizing his attempt to bring something positive to the team. However, the scene could benefit from more descriptive action to illustrate the awkwardness of the moment, such as Alan's body language or the team's reactions as they receive the apples.
  • The scene ends abruptly after Alan's joke, leaving a sense of unresolved tension. It might be more impactful to include a brief moment of reflection from Alan as he walks away, allowing the audience to feel his disappointment or determination to improve his relationships with his team.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more dialogue from the team members that reflects their personalities and their relationship with Alan. This could help create a more dynamic interaction and provide insight into how they perceive Alan's attempts to connect.
  • Enhance Alan's internal conflict by incorporating his thoughts or feelings about the situation. This could be done through voiceover or subtle physical cues that indicate his anxiety or hopefulness.
  • Revise the bear joke to either make it more relatable or to have Alan acknowledge its awkwardness. This could add depth to his character and make the moment feel more genuine.
  • Include more descriptive action to illustrate the awkwardness of the moment, such as Alan's hesitance when handing out the apples or the team's varying reactions to his joke.
  • Consider extending the scene to include a brief moment of reflection from Alan after he leaves, allowing the audience to connect with his emotional state and understand the impact of the interaction on his character development.



Scene 29 -  Secrets in the Classroom
INT. SHERBORNE SCHOOL FOR BOYS - DAY - 1927

Young Alan and Christopher are in math class.


The TEACHER drones on as the students pretend to pay
attention.

Young Alan and Christopher PASS NOTES —

— Dropping them by each other’s desks —

— And snapping them up quickly.

TEACHER
Mr. Turing! Passing notes, are we?

ALAN TURING
No, Sir.

The Teacher comes over, and grabs the note from his hand.

ON THE NOTE: “FDFH RG TU HSD PDXT PEJND QERDZX.”

It’s encrypted.

TEACHER
(holding it up for
everyone)
Only Mr. Turing would pass notes
written in gibberish.

The other students LAUGH as the Teacher drops the note in the
trash.

Alan isn’t bothered by the laughter — he’s safe in his
private world with Christopher.

The BELL RINGS. Class is over. AS EVERYONE SHUFFLES OUT:

TEACHER (CONT’D)
Alright you lot, do not forget your
calculus over break. Have a
pleasant holiday and we’ll resume
your integrals when you return.

Alan waits... And grabs the note from the trash.
Genres: ["Drama","Historical"]

Summary In a 1927 math class at Sherborne School for Boys, Young Alan Turing and his friend Christopher are caught passing encrypted notes, leading to Alan's public humiliation by the teacher. Despite the ridicule and laughter from classmates, Alan remains focused on his bond with Christopher. After class, he retrieves his note from the trash, symbolizing his resilience and commitment to his own thoughts.
Strengths
  • Establishes the bond between Alan and Christopher
  • Introduces the theme of cryptography effectively
  • Sets a nostalgic and curious tone for the story
Weaknesses
  • Lacks significant conflict
  • Limited emotional impact
  • Minimal plot progression

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively establishes the close relationship between Alan and Christopher, introduces the theme of cryptography, and sets a nostalgic tone for the story. However, it lacks significant conflict and emotional impact to warrant a higher rating.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of introducing cryptography and the bond between Alan and Christopher in a school environment is intriguing and sets the stage for the main plot of codebreaking during the war.

Plot: 7.5

While the plot progression is limited in this scene, it serves as a crucial foundation for understanding the characters' motivations and interests in cryptography, hinting at future developments.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on the classic school setting by incorporating elements of cryptography and secret communication, adding depth to the characters' interactions.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The scene effectively portrays the personalities of Alan and Christopher, showcasing their shared passion for cryptography and hinting at their future roles as codebreakers. The dialogue and interactions reveal their close bond.

Character Changes: 6

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, it sets the foundation for the characters' future development and their roles as codebreakers.

Internal Goal: 8

Alan's internal goal is to maintain his connection with Christopher and protect their secret communication. This reflects his need for companionship and understanding in a world that may not accept his true self.

External Goal: 7

Alan's external goal is to avoid getting caught passing notes and maintain his reputation in front of his classmates and teachers.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 5

The scene lacks significant conflict, focusing more on the nostalgic and intimate moments between the characters. The conflict is subtly hinted at with the encrypted note but not fully developed.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create conflict and challenge the protagonist's goals, but not overwhelming to the point of resolution.

High Stakes: 5

The scene does not involve high stakes but sets the stage for the characters' involvement in critical wartime activities. The focus is more on character development and thematic introduction.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by establishing the characters' interests and motivations, hinting at future plot developments related to cryptography and codebreaking.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twist of the encrypted note and Alan's bold decision to retrieve it from the trash.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between conformity and individuality. Alan's desire to communicate with Christopher in secret challenges the school's strict rules and expectations.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6.5

The scene evokes a sense of nostalgia and curiosity, but the emotional impact is limited due to the lack of intense emotions or high-stakes situations. The bond between Alan and Christopher adds depth to the characters.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue between the characters is engaging and reveals their personalities and interests. It sets the tone for their future interactions and the development of their relationship.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its suspenseful tone, dynamic character interactions, and the mystery surrounding the encrypted note.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged and eager to see how the conflict unfolds.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a traditional structure for a school setting, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution that effectively advances the narrative.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the dynamic between Alan and Christopher, showcasing their bond through the act of passing notes. This is a clever way to illustrate their connection and Alan's unique way of communicating, which is central to his character.
  • The teacher's ridicule of Alan for passing notes written in 'gibberish' serves to highlight Alan's isolation and the misunderstanding of his intellect by his peers. However, the scene could benefit from a deeper exploration of Alan's emotional response to this ridicule, even if he appears unfazed. A brief internal monologue or a visual cue could enhance the audience's understanding of his feelings.
  • The dialogue is minimal, which works well in this context, but it might be more impactful if Alan had a brief, defiant line after the teacher's comment, reinforcing his confidence in his abilities despite the mockery. This would add depth to his character and show his resilience.
  • The visual elements, such as the teacher holding up the note and the laughter of the other students, effectively convey the social dynamics at play. However, the scene could benefit from more descriptive imagery to enhance the atmosphere of the classroom, perhaps by describing the expressions of the other boys or the physical environment of the school.
  • The transition from the classroom to Alan retrieving the note from the trash is a strong visual metaphor for his determination to hold onto his thoughts and ideas, but it could be emphasized further. A close-up shot of Alan's hand reaching for the note could symbolize his desire to reclaim his voice and thoughts in a world that dismisses him.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief internal thought from Alan as he faces the ridicule, which could provide insight into his emotional state and reinforce his character's complexity.
  • Incorporate a defiant line from Alan after the teacher's comment to showcase his confidence and resilience in the face of mockery.
  • Enhance the visual description of the classroom environment and the reactions of the other students to create a more immersive atmosphere.
  • Use a close-up shot of Alan retrieving the note from the trash to symbolize his determination and the importance of his thoughts, making the moment more poignant.
  • Explore the potential for a brief moment of connection between Alan and Christopher during the note-passing, perhaps through a shared smile or glance, to further emphasize their bond.



Scene 30 -  A Picnic of Friendship and Ideas
EXT. SHERBORNE SCHOOL FOR BOYS - CLOISTERS - MINUTES LATER

Now alone, Alan DECRYPTS THE MESSAGE. One at a time, the
letters become intelligible.

ON THE NOTE: “SEE YOU IN TWO LONG WEEKS, DEAREST FRIEND.”

ON ALAN: Christopher called him his dearest friend.

CUT TO:


EXT. BLETCHLEY PARK - OUTSIDE HUT 8 - DAY - 1941

Alan and Joan eat a PICNIC LUNCH in a wooded area behind Hut
8.

Alan finishes writing an EQUATION, then hands his NOTEBOOK to
Joan.

She looks at the equation, then instantly starts CROSSING
THINGS OUT and REWRITING. Alan laughs. There aren’t many
people who would cross out his work so brazenly.

Joan sees his laughter, looks up: “What’d I do?”

But before Alan can respond they both see: Hugh approaching.

Alan is nervous.

But Hugh simply HANDS ALAN A SHEET OF PAPER.

HUGH ALEXANDER
Look at this.

As Alan and Joan stare at SCHEMATICS on the paper, Hugh
SWIPES A SANDWICH from their picnic and begins to chew.

HUGH ALEXANDER (CONT’D)
If you run the wires across the
plugboard matrix diagonally, you’ll
eliminate rotor positions 500 times
faster.

ALAN TURING
... This is actually not an
entirely terrible idea.

JOAN CLARKE
That’s Alan for “thank you.”

ALAN TURING
(looking up)
That’s my sandwich.

HUGH ALEXANDER
You don’t like sandwiches.

And with that, Hugh takes another bite, gives Joan a wink,
and walks off.
Genres: ["Drama","Historical","War"]

Summary In a light-hearted scene set in 1941, Alan Turing decrypts a personal message from his friend Christopher, highlighting their close bond. Later, at Bletchley Park, Alan enjoys a picnic with Joan Clarke, who playfully critiques his equation, showcasing their camaraderie. Hugh Alexander joins them, sharing a new idea for their work and humorously stealing Alan's sandwich, further emphasizing their friendly dynamic. The scene concludes with laughter and a sense of collaboration among the trio.
Strengths
  • Strong character interactions
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Effective plot progression
Weaknesses
  • Limited conflict development
  • Lack of deep emotional impact

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively balances tension with light-hearted moments, advances character relationships, and introduces a key plot element, earning a high rating.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of teamwork, problem-solving, and camaraderie in the face of adversity is well-executed, adding depth to the characters and advancing the overall narrative.

Plot: 8.5

The plot progresses significantly with the introduction of new ideas, character dynamics, and a hint of conflict, setting the stage for future developments.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh perspective on historical figures and events, blending humor with intelligence in a compelling way. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue enhances the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters are well-developed, with distinct personalities and interactions that drive the scene forward and provide insight into their motivations and relationships.

Character Changes: 7

While there are subtle shifts in character dynamics and relationships, there is not a significant change in any character during this scene.

Internal Goal: 8

Alan's internal goal is to navigate his relationships with Christopher, Joan, and Hugh, reflecting his need for connection, recognition, and acceptance.

External Goal: 7

Alan's external goal is to solve the encryption challenge efficiently, reflecting the immediate challenge of cracking codes during wartime.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

While there is a hint of tension between characters, the conflict is not fully developed in this scene, focusing more on collaboration and problem-solving.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create tension and challenge the characters, particularly in the form of intellectual debates and personal dynamics.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are moderate in this scene, focusing more on personal relationships and problem-solving than life-threatening situations or major plot twists.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by introducing new elements, advancing character relationships, and setting up future conflicts and developments.

Unpredictability: 7

The scene is unpredictable in the characters' responses and interactions, adding tension and intrigue to the narrative.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict revolves around the balance between individual brilliance and collaborative problem-solving, challenging Alan's belief in his own intelligence versus the value of teamwork.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7.5

The scene elicits a mix of emotions, from light-hearted moments to a sense of camaraderie and determination, but lacks a deep emotional impact.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is engaging, revealing character traits, advancing the plot, and creating a sense of camaraderie and tension among the characters.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to the dynamic character interactions, humor, and the blend of personal relationships with intellectual challenges.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, balancing dialogue, action, and character moments to maintain interest and momentum.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting adheres to the expected format for its genre, with clear scene descriptions, character actions, and dialogue cues.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, balancing character development, dialogue, and plot progression effectively.


Critique
  • The transition from the emotional moment of decrypting Christopher's note to the light-hearted picnic scene at Bletchley Park feels abrupt. While the juxtaposition of past and present is a common technique, the emotional weight of the previous scene could be better integrated into the picnic to enhance the continuity of Alan's emotional journey.
  • The dialogue in the picnic scene is playful and showcases the camaraderie between Alan, Joan, and Hugh. However, it could benefit from deeper character exploration. For instance, Alan's nervousness around Hugh could be more explicitly tied to his insecurities about social interactions, which would add layers to his character.
  • Hugh's action of swiping Alan's sandwich is humorous but may come off as slightly one-dimensional. It would be more impactful if this action had a deeper significance, perhaps reflecting Hugh's understanding of Alan's quirks or a playful rivalry that highlights their friendship.
  • Joan's character shines through her assertiveness in rewriting Alan's equation, but the scene could further emphasize her intelligence and confidence. Adding a line where she explains her reasoning for the changes could showcase her expertise and establish her as an equal partner in their work.
  • The scene lacks a clear emotional arc. While it starts with a moment of joy and laughter, it doesn't build towards a climax or resolution. Introducing a small conflict or tension—perhaps related to their work or Alan's feelings about Christopher—could create a more dynamic scene.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment where Alan reflects on the significance of Christopher's note before transitioning to the picnic. This could help maintain the emotional weight and provide a smoother transition.
  • Enhance Alan's nervousness around Hugh by incorporating a subtle physical reaction, such as fidgeting or avoiding eye contact, to visually convey his discomfort.
  • Give Hugh's sandwich theft a more meaningful context, perhaps by having him comment on Alan's eating habits or making a joke that reveals their friendship dynamics.
  • Include a line where Joan explains her edits to Alan's equation, showcasing her analytical skills and reinforcing her role as a valuable collaborator.
  • Introduce a minor conflict or tension during the picnic, such as a disagreement about their approach to the work or a moment of vulnerability from Alan regarding his feelings for Christopher, to create a more engaging emotional arc.



Scene 31 -  The Birth of Christopher
INT. BLETCHLEY PARK - HUT 11 - DAY

Alan and the team (Hugh, John, Peter) stand in a half-circle
around the now-completed Christopher.


An ELECTRICAL ASSISTANT feeds fresh Enigma messages into one
end of the machine.

The men look at each other, feeling the importance of the
moment.

JOHN CAIRNCROSS
(to Alan)
You nervous?

Alan takes a gulp and CONNECTS the final bit of electrical
wiring...

... AND THE VERY FIRST “DIGITAL COMPUTER” IN HISTORY COMES TO
LIFE.

ON THE MACHINE: GEARS ARE SPINNING, CURRENT IS RACING THROUGH
THE WIRES.

The CLACKING SOUND it makes is UNBELIEVABLY LOUD.

PETER HILTON
(yelling over the machine)
Christ!! What happens now?!

ALAN TURING
It should tell us the day’s Enigma
settings!!

HUGH ALEXANDER
How long?!?

ON ALAN: He’s not sure...

The team shares a look: Is this really going to work?


EXT. BLETCHLEY PARK - DAWN

Dawn rises over Bletchley Park.


INT. BLETCHLEY PARK - DENNISTON’S OFFICE - MORNING

Commander Denniston receives a visit from the Electrical
Assistant who’d been helping Alan in the previous scene.

ELECTRICAL ASSISTANT
The gears just keep spinning and
spinning. It’s endless.

COMMANDER DENNISTON
And there’s no result in sight?


The Assistant NODS. Denniston SMILES: Got him.
Genres: ["Historical Drama","War"]

Summary In a tense moment at Bletchley Park, Alan Turing and his team activate Christopher, the first digital computer, as they feed it Enigma messages. The machine comes to life with clacking sounds, but the team anxiously awaits its output, unsure if it will function correctly. Meanwhile, Commander Denniston learns that the machine is spinning endlessly without results, which brings him a sense of satisfaction, hinting at his low expectations for the machine's success.
Strengths
  • Effective tension-building
  • Significant plot advancement
  • Emotional depth of characters
Weaknesses
  • Limited dialogue
  • Minimal character development

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene is well-crafted, building tension and excitement around the activation of the computer. It effectively conveys the importance of the moment and sets the stage for future developments.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the scene revolves around the creation and activation of the first digital computer, highlighting the team's hard work and the high stakes involved in their mission.

Plot: 8.5

The plot of the scene focuses on the pivotal moment of Christopher coming to life, advancing the overall narrative of the team's efforts to break the Enigma code and win the war.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces the development of the first digital computer in a historical context, offering a fresh perspective on the use of technology in wartime code-breaking. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and true to the time period.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters in the scene, particularly Alan Turing and his team members, are portrayed with a mix of nervousness, excitement, and determination, adding depth to their personalities and motivations.

Character Changes: 7

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the team members experience a shift in their emotions and perspectives as they witness the activation of Christopher.

Internal Goal: 8

Alan's internal goal is to prove the viability of Christopher and his own intelligence. He wants to show that his work can make a difference in the war effort and gain recognition for his abilities.

External Goal: 9

The protagonist's external goal is to successfully decode the day's Enigma settings using Christopher. This reflects the immediate challenge of breaking the German code and gaining valuable intelligence for the Allies.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict in the scene is primarily internal, as the team grapples with uncertainty and the high stakes of their mission. The tension arises from the anticipation of whether Christopher will work as intended.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene, represented by the uncertainty of Christopher's success and the challenges faced by the characters, adds complexity and drama to the narrative. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of the outcome.

High Stakes: 8

The high stakes of the scene are evident in the team's anticipation and uncertainty surrounding the activation of Christopher, as its success is crucial for their mission and the outcome of the war.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by showcasing the successful activation of Christopher, a crucial development in the team's mission to break the Enigma code and win the war.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because the outcome of using Christopher to decode the Enigma settings is uncertain. The characters face obstacles and challenges that keep the audience guessing.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is the tension between traditional methods of code-breaking and the innovative approach of using a digital computer. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs in the effectiveness of technology over manual labor.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a sense of anticipation, hope, and determination, drawing the audience into the team's emotional journey as they witness the birth of the first digital computer.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue in the scene is minimal but effective, with the team members expressing their emotions and concerns through brief exchanges and reactions.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its high stakes, technical detail, and emotional intensity. The audience is invested in the characters' success and eager to see the outcome of their efforts.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a gradual buildup of tension and suspense leading to a climactic moment. The rhythm of the dialogue and action keeps the audience engaged and invested in the outcome.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with clear scene headings, action lines, and dialogue formatting. The visual descriptions enhance the reader's understanding of the setting and characters.

Structure: 9

The scene follows the expected structure for a historical drama, with a clear setup, rising tension, and a cliffhanger ending. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the effectiveness of the scene.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures a pivotal moment in the narrative, showcasing the culmination of Alan Turing's efforts with the completion of the machine, Christopher. The tension and anticipation are palpable, which is essential for engaging the audience. However, the dialogue could be more dynamic; the characters' reactions to the machine coming to life feel somewhat muted. Adding more emotional stakes or personal stakes could enhance the impact of this moment.
  • The transition between the excitement in Hut 11 and the calmness of the dawn outside Bletchley Park is visually striking, but it could benefit from a stronger thematic connection. The dawn symbolizes new beginnings, which aligns with the significance of the machine, yet this connection isn't fully explored. A brief moment of reflection from Alan or a visual cue could tie these elements together more cohesively.
  • The dialogue from John and Peter serves to establish the urgency and tension, but it lacks depth. Instead of just asking if Alan is nervous or how long it will take, they could express their own fears or hopes, which would add layers to their characters and make the audience more invested in their outcomes. This would also help to differentiate their voices more distinctly.
  • The scene ends on a cliffhanger with the machine spinning endlessly, which is effective for building suspense. However, Denniston's reaction feels somewhat detached from the emotional weight of the moment. A more visceral response from him, perhaps reflecting on the implications of failure or success, could enhance the stakes and provide a stronger contrast to the team's hopeful anticipation.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment of reflection or a brief exchange of personal stakes among the team members before the machine is activated. This could deepen the audience's emotional investment in the outcome.
  • Enhance the dialogue to include more character-specific reactions to the machine's activation. This could involve expressing fears, hopes, or personal stakes that make the moment feel more significant.
  • Explore the thematic connection between the dawn outside and the machine's activation. A visual or dialogue cue that ties these elements together could strengthen the scene's impact.
  • Revise Denniston's reaction to the machine's failure to produce results. A more emotional response could heighten the tension and underscore the stakes involved in their work.



Scene 32 -  A Desperate Stand at Bletchley Park
INT. BLETCHLEY PARK - HUT 11 - EARLY MORNING

As the machine CLACKS away, Alan is frantically going over
his papers. He’s unshaven, wearing yesterday’s clothes. He
hasn’t gotten a wink of sleep.

ON ALAN’S FRANTIC PACING: Why isn’t it working? Why?!

Alan rubs his eyes, exhausted, and as he does so he looks out
the window to see...

... Commander Denniston walking towards the Machine Hut,
accompanied by a HOME OFFICE MAN and TWO RMPs.

Alan quickly runs to the door and BOLTS it —

— Just as Denniston and the men get to it from the outside.

OUTSIDE:

Denniston tries the door. It won’t open.

COMMANDER DENNISTON
Turing! Open the bloody door!

INSIDE:

ALAN TURING
No!!!

OUTSIDE:

COMMANDER DENNISTON
Open the door or we will break it
down!!

INSIDE:

ALAN TURING
I cannot let you in!! I cannot let
you interfere!!!

OUTSIDE:

Denniston turns to the RMPs: Break it down.

The RMPs KICK DOWN THE DOOR —

— And the men BURST INTO THE ROOM as Alan FALLS BACK.


COMMANDER DENNISTON
(re: the horrible noise)
Turn that thing off.

An RMP walks over to Christopher —

— Alan tries to stop him but they POINT GUNS AT HIM —

— And so Alan watches in absolute horror as they TURN OFF THE
MACHINE.

COMMANDER DENNISTON (CONT’D)
Well then. It seems your great big
expensive machine doesn’t work.

ALAN TURING
It does.

COMMANDER DENNISTON
Wonderful. So you’ve broken Enigma
then?

ALAN TURING
It works... It was just... Still
working.

COMMANDER DENNISTON
This is my associate from the Home
Office. A hundred thousand pounds
is quite a lot of money. He’s here
to see what you have to show for
it.

ALAN TURING
You will never understand the
importance of what I’ve created
here.

Commander Denniston exchanges a look with the men: See what I
mean?

COMMANDER DENNISTON
Have you decrypted any German
messages? A single one? Can you
point to anything at all that
you’ve achieved?

ON ALAN: He can’t.

COMMANDER DENNISTON (CONT’D)
Your funding is up, and our
patience has expired. It is with
such great pleasure that I finally
get to say this: Alan Turing,
you’re fired.


ON ALAN: What can he do? This is it...

COMMANDER DENNISTON (CONT’D)
Please escort Mr. Turing from the
premises.

HUGH ALEXANDER (O.S.)
No.

Everyone turns to see Hugh, John, and Peter at the door,
wearing fresh clothes.

COMMANDER DENNISTON
Pardon?

HUGH ALEXANDER
God help me... If you fire Alan,
you’ll have to fire me too.

COMMANDER DENNISTON
What on earth are you saying?

HUGH ALEXANDER
Trust me, no one wants to say this
less than I do, but Alan’s right.
His machine can work. At least it’s
the best chance we’ve got.

COMMANDER DENNISTON
You must be joking.

JOHN CAIRNCROSS
If you fire them, you’ll have to
fire me too.

PETER HILTON
And me.

HUGH ALEXANDER
We’re the best cryptographic minds
in Britain. Are you going to fire
us all?

Denniston looks to the Home Office Man, who NODS: Hugh is
right.

HUGH ALEXANDER (CONT’D)
At least give us more time. Six
more months, and if the machine
doesn’t produce results we’ll go
back to doing things the old way.

COMMANDER DENNISTON
... One month. And then so help me
God you are all gone.


Denniston and his men LEAVE.

The team breathes a sigh of relief: They’ve been given a
temporary reprieve.

ALAN TURING
... Thank you.

HUGH ALEXANDER
This machine better bloody work.

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Drama","Historical","War"]

Summary In a tense early morning scene at Bletchley Park, Alan Turing desperately works to protect his machine from Commander Denniston, who demands results and threatens to fire him. As RMPs break down the door and shut off the machine, Turing's colleagues—Hugh, John, and Peter—rally to defend him, insisting they need more time to prove the machine's worth. Denniston reluctantly grants a one-month extension, providing Turing and his team a temporary reprieve amidst the high stakes of their cryptographic efforts during World War II.
Strengths
  • Intense conflict
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
  • Tension-building
Weaknesses
  • Potential lack of clarity in some character motivations

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.7

The scene is well-crafted with intense conflict, emotional depth, and significant character development. The tension is palpable, and the stakes are high, keeping the audience engaged throughout.


Story Content

Concept: 8.6

The concept of the scene revolves around the struggle to prove the worth of Alan's machine and the loyalty of his team. It explores themes of innovation, determination, and the sacrifices made in pursuit of a greater goal.

Plot: 8.7

The plot of the scene is crucial in showcasing the pivotal moment where Alan and his team face potential failure and dismissal. It drives the narrative forward and sets the stage for future developments.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh perspective on historical events, presenting a fictionalized account of Alan Turing's struggles and achievements. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and engaging, adding to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8.9

The characters are well-developed, with Alan Turing portrayed as determined and resilient, while his team members show loyalty and solidarity. Commander Denniston adds a layer of antagonism, creating a compelling dynamic.

Character Changes: 9

The characters, especially Alan Turing and his team, undergo significant changes during the scene. They show resilience, unity, and a deeper commitment to their mission, setting the stage for further development.

Internal Goal: 8

Alan's internal goal is to prove the worth of his machine and his abilities as a codebreaker. This reflects his deeper desire for recognition, validation, and the opportunity to make a significant contribution to the war effort.

External Goal: 7.5

Alan's external goal is to prevent Commander Denniston from shutting down his project and firing him and his team. This reflects the immediate challenge of defending his work and securing more time to prove its effectiveness.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is intense and multi-layered, involving personal stakes, professional reputation, and the outcome of the war. It keeps the audience on edge and adds depth to the narrative.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Denniston's authority and skepticism posing a significant challenge to Alan and his team. The audience is unsure of how the conflict will be resolved, adding to the tension and drama.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes in the scene are exceptionally high, involving the potential failure of Alan's machine, the dismissal of his team, and the impact on the war effort. The outcome carries significant consequences.

Story Forward: 9

The scene propels the story forward by introducing a critical moment of decision and conflict. It sets up future events and establishes key relationships and dynamics within the narrative.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected turn of events, the moral ambiguity of the characters' choices, and the uncertain outcome of the confrontation. The audience is kept on edge and unsure of how the situation will resolve.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict revolves around the value of innovation and risk-taking versus traditional methods and caution. Alan's belief in the potential of his machine clashes with Denniston's skepticism and desire for immediate results.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.8

The scene evokes strong emotions from the audience, ranging from tension and anxiety to relief and determination. The characters' struggles are palpable, creating a powerful emotional impact.

Dialogue: 8.4

The dialogue is tense and impactful, conveying the emotions and motivations of the characters effectively. It drives the conflict forward and adds depth to the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its high stakes, emotional intensity, and dynamic character interactions. The audience is drawn into the conflict and invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 8.5

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, with a gradual escalation of conflict, emotional beats, and dramatic reveals. The rhythm of the dialogue and action keeps the audience engaged and invested in the outcome.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene adheres to the expected format for a dramatic confrontation, with concise action lines, impactful dialogue, and clear scene transitions. The formatting enhances the readability and impact of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a well-defined structure with clear character motivations, rising tension, and a satisfying resolution. The pacing and formatting enhance the dramatic impact of the confrontation.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension through Alan's frantic behavior and the impending confrontation with Commander Denniston. However, the pacing could be improved by adding more internal conflict for Alan, allowing the audience to feel his desperation more deeply.
  • The dialogue between Alan and Denniston is confrontational, which is appropriate for the stakes involved. However, it could benefit from more subtext. For instance, Denniston's motivations could be explored further, perhaps hinting at his own fears about the machine's failure or the implications of its success.
  • The introduction of the Home Office Man and the RMPs adds a layer of authority and pressure, but their characterization is minimal. Giving them distinct personalities or motivations could enhance the scene's tension and make the stakes feel more personal for Alan.
  • The moment when Alan bolts the door is a strong visual cue of his desperation, but it could be enhanced by showing more of his internal struggle. Perhaps a brief flashback or a moment of doubt could illustrate what the machine means to him beyond just a job.
  • The resolution of the scene, where the team stands up for Alan, is powerful but feels somewhat rushed. Expanding on their camaraderie and the weight of their decision could heighten the emotional impact. A moment of hesitation or a shared look among the team before they speak could add depth.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief internal monologue for Alan as he prepares for Denniston's arrival, which could provide insight into his mental state and the stakes he feels personally.
  • Introduce the Home Office Man with a line or two that hints at his skepticism or support for Denniston, making him a more active participant in the scene.
  • Incorporate a moment where Alan reflects on the significance of the machine, perhaps through a memory or a vision of what it represents for him, to deepen the audience's emotional connection.
  • Extend the dialogue between the team members when they stand up for Alan, allowing each character to express their reasons for supporting him, which would strengthen their bond and the stakes of their decision.
  • Consider ending the scene with a more poignant moment, such as Alan looking at the machine with renewed determination or a shared moment of hope among the team, to leave the audience with a sense of anticipation.



Scene 33 -  The Turing Revelation
INT. MANCHESTER POLICE STATION - DAY - 1951

Sergeant Staehl walks eagerly through the police station.

He comes to an office marked “SUPERINTENDANT SMITH”, where he
OPENS the door to find


INT. MANCHESTER POLICE STATION - SMITH’S OFFICE - CONTINUOUS

Superintendant Smith and Detective Nock are in the middle of
a genial conversation.

The Superintendant turns to Staehl.

SUPERINTENDANT SMITH
Can I help you?

SERGEANT STAEHL
Sirs, I think I’ve got him.

SUPERINTENDANT SMITH
Got who?

SERGEANT STAEHL
Turing.

Detective Nock looks at Staehl — “Shhhh!”

The Superintendant looks at Nock — “You didn’t...”

SERGEANT STAEHL (CONT’D)
I trailed Turing to a pub last
night, where he met a bloke. They
exchanged an envelope. So I
followed the guy, picked him up,
gave him a good shake... Here, I’ll
show you.


SUPERINTENDANT SMITH
(to Nock, angry)
You and I will discuss this later.
(to Staehl)
Sergeant.

They follow Staehl out to...
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In the Manchester Police Station, Sergeant Staehl excitedly reveals to Superintendant Smith and Detective Nock that he has tracked down Alan Turing, having witnessed him exchanging an envelope at a pub. Staehl's eagerness clashes with Nock's caution about the sensitive nature of the information, leading to tension in the room. Smith, realizing the significance of Staehl's discovery, becomes angry with Nock for not sharing earlier and decides to follow Staehl to uncover more details.
Strengths
  • Tension-building
  • Suspenseful atmosphere
  • Strong character dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Potential lack of clarity on the espionage plotline

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively builds tension and suspense through the revelation of Detective Nock's suspicions about Turing's activities, setting the stage for a deeper conflict.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of espionage and potential betrayal adds depth to the narrative, keeping the audience engaged and eager to learn more.

Plot: 8.5

The plot thickens with the revelation of espionage, driving the story forward and increasing the stakes for the characters.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh approach to the detective genre by focusing on the internal struggles and conflicts within the police force. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters' reactions to the revelation of espionage are believable and add complexity to their relationships and motivations.

Character Changes: 8

The revelation of espionage forces the characters to confront their loyalties and motivations, leading to potential changes in their relationships and actions.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to prove himself as a competent and successful detective. This reflects his deeper need for recognition and validation in his profession.

External Goal: 9

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to capture Turing, a suspect in a criminal investigation. This reflects the immediate challenge he is facing in solving a case.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is high, with Detective Nock's suspicions creating a sense of urgency and danger for the characters.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting interests and motivations that create tension and uncertainty.

High Stakes: 9

The discovery of potential espionage raises the stakes for the characters, putting their lives and missions in jeopardy.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by introducing a new conflict and raising the stakes for the characters.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected turn of events and the conflicting motivations of the characters.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between following the rules and taking risks to solve a case. The protagonist's belief in taking unconventional methods clashes with the superintendant's adherence to protocol.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from anxiety to determination, keeping the audience emotionally invested in the characters' fates.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue effectively conveys the tension and conflict in the scene, revealing the characters' emotions and intentions.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the high stakes, fast-paced dialogue, and the sense of mystery and intrigue surrounding the investigation.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a balance of dialogue and action that keeps the audience engaged and builds suspense.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is well-executed, with clear scene headings and dialogue formatting that enhances readability.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for a detective genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes a sense of urgency and intrigue with Sergeant Staehl's eagerness to share his findings about Alan Turing. However, the dialogue could benefit from more tension and stakes. The casual tone between Superintendant Smith and Detective Nock contrasts sharply with the serious implications of Turing's situation, which may dilute the gravity of the moment.
  • The interaction between Staehl and the other two characters feels somewhat disjointed. While Staehl is excited about his discovery, Nock's shushing gesture and Smith's anger seem to suggest a deeper conflict that isn't fully explored in this scene. This could be an opportunity to delve into the complexities of their investigation and the potential consequences of Staehl's findings.
  • The dialogue lacks specificity regarding the implications of Turing's actions. While Staehl mentions an envelope exchange, the scene does not clarify why this is significant or what it could mean for Turing. Adding a line or two that hints at the potential ramifications of Turing's actions would heighten the tension and engage the audience more effectively.
  • The pacing of the scene feels rushed. The transition from Staehl's excitement to Smith's anger could be more gradual, allowing the audience to absorb the weight of the situation. This could be achieved by extending the dialogue or adding a moment of silence that emphasizes the gravity of Staehl's discovery.
  • The visual elements of the scene are minimal. Incorporating more descriptive visuals could enhance the atmosphere and provide a clearer picture of the police station's environment. For example, describing the cluttered desks, the expressions on the characters' faces, or the sounds of the bustling station could create a more immersive experience.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a line of dialogue that explicitly states the potential consequences of Turing's actions, which would help to raise the stakes and clarify the significance of Staehl's discovery.
  • Introduce a moment of tension or conflict between Nock and Smith regarding the investigation into Turing. This could involve a brief argument or differing opinions on how to handle the situation, which would add depth to their characters.
  • Slow down the pacing by allowing for a moment of reflection after Staehl's revelation. This could involve a pause where the characters process the implications of what he has said before moving on.
  • Enhance the visual description of the police station to create a more vivid setting. Consider including details about the atmosphere, such as the sounds of typewriters, the smell of coffee, or the sight of officers bustling about, to ground the scene in reality.
  • Explore Staehl's emotional state further. Is he nervous, excited, or apprehensive about what he has discovered? Adding internal conflict or hesitation could make his character more relatable and engaging.



Scene 34 -  Conflicting Truths
INT. POLICE STATION - INTERROGATION ROOM - MOMENTS LATER

As Nock and Smith stands outside the INTERROGATION ROOM,
Sergeant Staehl points through the window in the door:

Inside is ARNOLD MURRAY, 20s, nervous.

SERGEANT STAEHL
He’s a bloody poofter. He
confessed.

Staehl shows Nock and Smith a SIGNED STATEMENT.

DETECTIVE NOCK
What?

SERGEANT STAEHL
The man admitted it. Arnold Murray.
Bit of a hustler. Hangs around that
pub, men pay him for a go. Turing
is one of the men who paid. Only,
Mr. Murray got the bright idea to
rob Turing’s house after, with a
friend. That’s what Turing was
hiding: He’s a poof, not a spy.

DETECTIVE NOCK
No.

SUPERINTENDANT SMITH
This is good work, Sergeant. Quite
good.

DETECTIVE NOCK
No, it’s not.

SERGEANT STAEHL
What’s the matter? We can charge a
university professor with
indecency.

DETECTIVE NOCK
No. No. This is bloody rubbish.
Turing is up to something
important, not getting his jollies
in some pub.


SUPERINTENDANT SMITH
He committed a crime. He broke the
law. And with a bloke, Christ, it’s
bloody disgusting.

DETECTIVE NOCK
I don’t care if it’s disgusting.
This is not the investigation I was
conducting.

SUPERINTENDANT SMITH
Clearly.
(to Staehl)
Bring him in.

DETECTIVE NOCK
Wait. Let me interrogate him.

SUPERINTENDANT SMITH
You’re asking me for a favour right
now?

DETECTIVE NOCK
Please. I know him. I know he’s
hiding something and I know I can
get him to talk... Give me half an
hour alone and then I swear to you
I will spend the next month running
errands on as many rubbish cases as
you like.

SUPERINTENDANT SMITH
... Fine. Now will someone get a
warrant for the arrest of Alan
Turing?

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Drama","Mystery"]

Summary In a tense police interrogation room, Sergeant Staehl presents Detective Nock and Superintendent Smith with Arnold Murray's confession to robbing Alan Turing's house, asserting Turing is merely a homosexual and not a spy. Nock challenges this conclusion, believing Turing is involved in something more significant. Despite Staehl and Smith's push to charge Turing with indecency, Nock pleads for the chance to interrogate Murray himself. Smith reluctantly agrees, but a warrant for Turing's arrest is still ordered, highlighting the unresolved conflict between Nock's instincts and his colleagues' conclusions.
Strengths
  • Revealing twist in the investigation
  • Intense conflict and tension
  • Character development through moral dilemmas
Weaknesses
  • Potential lack of resolution in the immediate aftermath of the revelation

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively introduces a new layer of complexity to the narrative, raising stakes and adding depth to the characters. The tension and conflict are palpable, driving the story forward.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of shifting the investigation's focus from espionage to personal matters adds depth and complexity to the story. It challenges the characters' beliefs and motivations, driving the narrative forward.

Plot: 8.5

The plot takes a significant turn with the revelation in the interrogation room, setting up new conflicts and dilemmas for the characters to navigate. It adds layers to the overall story arc.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh perspective on detective work and moral ambiguity, with authentic character interactions and unexpected plot twists.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters' reactions and interactions in the scene reveal their motivations, beliefs, and internal conflicts. The dynamics between Detective Nock, Superintendent Smith, and Sergeant Staehl are compelling.

Character Changes: 8

The characters undergo significant emotional and moral changes in response to the revelation, particularly Detective Nock and Superintendent Smith. Their beliefs and actions are challenged, leading to character development.

Internal Goal: 8

Detective Nock's internal goal is to uncover the truth and protect Alan Turing, reflecting his deeper desire for justice and integrity in his work.

External Goal: 7.5

The protagonist's external goal is to prevent the arrest of Alan Turing and redirect the investigation towards a more significant case.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is intense and multi-layered, involving personal, moral, and professional dilemmas for the characters. The revelation raises the stakes and challenges their beliefs.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting viewpoints and obstacles that challenge the protagonist's goals.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in the scene due to the personal and professional implications of the revelation about Alan Turing. It challenges the characters' beliefs and relationships, adding tension and drama.

Story Forward: 9

The scene propels the story forward by introducing a new plot development and raising the stakes for the characters. It sets the stage for further conflicts and resolutions in the narrative.

Unpredictability: 8.5

The scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected revelations about the characters and the shifting dynamics of the investigation.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between upholding the law and pursuing justice. Detective Nock believes in the importance of the investigation he was conducting, while Superintendent Smith prioritizes following the law and societal norms.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene elicits strong emotions from the characters and the audience, particularly regarding the personal revelation about Alan Turing. The tension and conflict add depth to the emotional impact.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue effectively conveys the tension and conflict between the characters, revealing their differing perspectives and values. It drives the scene forward and adds depth to the narrative.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its high stakes, conflicting character motivations, and emotional intensity.

Pacing: 8.5

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the outcome.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting adheres to industry standards for a screenplay, with proper scene headings and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a standard structure for a police procedural genre, with clear character introductions and escalating tension.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the tension between Detective Nock and Superintendent Smith, showcasing their differing perspectives on Turing's situation. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtext to deepen the conflict. For instance, Nock's insistence on Turing's importance could be more emotionally charged, reflecting his personal investment in the case.
  • Sergeant Staehl's characterization as eager and somewhat naive is clear, but his dialogue lacks nuance. Instead of simply stating that Turing is a 'poofter,' it would be more impactful if he expressed his views in a way that reveals his own biases or insecurities, adding depth to his character.
  • The pacing of the scene feels rushed, particularly in the transition from Staehl's revelation to Nock's vehement denial. Allowing for a moment of silence or reaction after Staehl's statement could heighten the tension and give the audience time to absorb the implications of the confession.
  • Superintendent Smith's reaction to Turing's alleged crime comes off as one-dimensional. Adding layers to his character, such as a hint of internal conflict about the morality of the law versus personal feelings, could make him more relatable and complex.
  • The scene ends abruptly with a cut to the next moment without a strong emotional or narrative payoff. A closing line or action that encapsulates the gravity of the situation or Nock's determination could provide a more satisfying conclusion.
Suggestions
  • Enhance the dialogue to include more subtext and emotional weight, particularly in Nock's responses to Staehl and Smith. This could involve him sharing a personal anecdote or a deeper rationale for his belief in Turing's importance.
  • Consider giving Sergeant Staehl a moment of reflection or doubt after revealing the confession, which could add complexity to his character and show that he is not entirely comfortable with the implications of his findings.
  • Introduce a brief pause or reaction shot after Staehl's revelation to allow the weight of the confession to settle in, creating a more dramatic moment before the dialogue continues.
  • Develop Superintendent Smith's character by incorporating a line that hints at his own struggles with the morality of the law, perhaps questioning whether the law is just in this case, which would add depth to his character.
  • End the scene with a strong emotional beat, such as Nock's determined expression or a line that encapsulates his resolve to protect Turing, reinforcing the stakes and setting up the next scene.



Scene 35 -  A Proposal Amidst Chaos
INT. JOAN’S FLAT - DAY - 1941

Joan comes home to her flat. She looks sad as she puts her
key in the lock and opens the door.

She enters to find:

HUNDREDS OF MATHEMATICAL PAPERS ARE SCATTERED ALL OVER HER
LIVING ROOM.

She sighs.

JOAN CLARKE
Alan?


At the sound of her voice, Alan comes out of the wash room,
wiping the shaving cream from his face. He’s moving and
talking a mile a minute.

ALAN TURING
Christopher is simply not moving
fast enough.

JOAN CLARKE
We should talk.

Joan sits down, sadly.

ALAN TURING
(totally oblivious)
Even with the diagonal board he’s
not eliminating settings as quickly
as —

JOAN CLARKE
Alan, I’m leaving.

ALAN TURING
You just walked in.

JOAN CLARKE
No. Bletchley.

ALAN TURING
What?

JOAN CLARKE
It’s my parents... I am twenty-five
and I am unmarried and I am living
alone... And they want me home.

ALAN TURING
That’s ridiculous.

JOAN CLARKE
That’s my parents.

ALAN TURING
You cannot leave. I won’t let you.

JOAN CLARKE
“I’ll miss you.” That’s what a
normal person might say in this
situation.

ALAN TURING
I don’t care what’s normal.

JOAN CLARKE
“I’ll write.” That’d work too.


ALAN TURING
No. This is unacceptable. You are
not leaving and that is that.

JOAN CLARKE
What am I supposed to do, Alan? I
will not give up my parents. The
world is burning to ash and they
are my family and they want me
home.

ALAN TURING
You have the opportunity here to
make some actual use of your life —

JOAN CLARKE
— And end up like you? No thanks.
I’m sorry you’re lonely. I’m sorry
no one likes you.
But Enigma will not save you. Can
you decypher that, you fragile
narcissist? Or do you need me to
fetch your precious Christopher for
help?

Silence.

Alan looks like she just slapped him across the face. Which
she basically did.

JOAN CLARKE (CONT’D)
... I’m sorry.

ALAN TURING
I want you to stay because I like
you.

JOAN CLARKE
I know.

ALAN TURING
I like talking to you.

JOAN CLARKE
I like talking to you, too, Alan.

ALAN TURING
What if you weren’t living alone...
If you had a husband?

JOAN CLARKE
You have one in mind?

ALAN TURING
I do.


JOAN CLARKE
Hugh is terribly attractive, I’ll
give you that, but he’s really not
the marrying type.

ALAN TURING
I wasn’t referring to Hugh.

JOAN CLARKE
Peter? He’s so quiet...

Alan stares at Joan. She stares back.

JOAN CLARKE (CONT’D)
(getting it)
Oh dear Lord.

ALAN TURING
This makes sense.

JOAN CLARKE
Did you just propose to me?

ALAN TURING
It’s the logical thing to do.

JOAN CLARKE
This is ridiculous.

ALAN TURING
This is your parents.

JOAN CLARKE
(trying to process)
I cannot believe this is happening.

Alan fishes a piece of ELECTRICAL WIRE from his pocket...

ALAN TURING
Joan Ca... Wait, is your middle
name Caroline or Catherine?

JOAN CLARKE
Elizabeth.

ALAN TURING
Joan Elizabeth Clarke, will you
marry me?

... And then FASHIONS IT INTO A RING.

ON JOAN’S FACE: What’s she going to do?

SMASH CUT TO:
Genres: ["Drama","Romance"]

Summary Joan returns to her disordered flat, overwhelmed by familial pressure to leave Bletchley. A heated discussion with Alan reveals his obliviousness to her struggles, leading to a moment of vulnerability where he admits his feelings for her. In an unexpected turn, Alan proposes marriage as a solution to her problems, crafting a makeshift ring from electrical wire. The scene ends with Joan in shock, uncertain about her future.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Character development
Weaknesses
  • Slightly predictable outcome

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene is well-written with emotional depth, tension, and a surprising proposal that adds intrigue. The dialogue is engaging, and the character dynamics are compelling.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a sudden proposal in the midst of emotional turmoil adds depth to the characters and the story. It introduces a new dynamic that will shape future events.

Plot: 8.5

The plot is advanced significantly with the proposal, setting the stage for potential changes in the characters' lives and relationships. It adds a layer of complexity to the overall narrative.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on the theme of societal expectations and personal agency, with unexpected character dynamics and a surprising proposal that defies traditional romance tropes.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters, especially Joan and Alan, are well-developed in this scene. Their emotions, motivations, and conflicts are portrayed effectively, drawing the audience into their world.

Character Changes: 8

Both Joan and Alan undergo significant emotional changes in this scene, with Joan facing a difficult decision and Alan expressing vulnerability through his proposal. Their relationship dynamics shift as a result.

Internal Goal: 8

Joan's internal goal is to assert her independence and make a decision about her future that aligns with her own desires, rather than succumbing to societal expectations or Alan's influence.

External Goal: 7.5

Joan's external goal is to navigate her relationship with Alan and make a decision about marriage that will impact her future.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict in the scene is primarily internal, revolving around Joan's dilemma of choosing between her family and her own desires. The proposal introduces a new layer of conflict between the characters.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Joan facing conflicting desires and pressures from her parents and Alan, creating a compelling dilemma for the protagonist.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high for Joan as she grapples with the decision to leave Bletchley Park and potentially sacrifice her own happiness. The proposal raises the stakes for both characters, impacting their future.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by introducing a new development in Joan and Alan's relationship. It sets the stage for future conflicts and resolutions, driving the narrative towards a new direction.

Unpredictability: 8.5

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected proposal and Joan's surprising response, adding a layer of tension and intrigue to the narrative.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around individual agency versus societal norms, as Joan grapples with the expectations placed on her by her parents and Alan's unconventional proposal.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking feelings of sadness, desperation, and resignation. The proposal adds a mix of surprise and tension, leaving a lasting impression on the audience.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is poignant, revealing the inner thoughts and feelings of the characters. It drives the emotional impact of the scene and sets the tone for future developments.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its emotional depth, dynamic character interactions, and unexpected plot twists that keep the audience invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 8.5

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, with well-timed reveals and character interactions that keep the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene adheres to the expected format for its genre, with clear scene descriptions, character actions, and dialogue that enhance the storytelling.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with well-defined character arcs and a compelling conflict that drives the narrative forward.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the emotional tension between Joan and Alan, showcasing their contrasting priorities and the strain of their circumstances. However, the dialogue can feel a bit too on-the-nose at times, particularly when Joan directly calls Alan a 'fragile narcissist.' This could be softened or made more subtle to maintain the emotional impact without feeling overly harsh.
  • Alan's obliviousness to Joan's emotional state is well portrayed, but it might benefit from a moment where he briefly acknowledges her feelings before diving back into his own concerns. This could add depth to his character and show that he is not entirely self-absorbed.
  • The proposal moment is both humorous and poignant, but it risks undermining the gravity of the situation. The transition from a serious conversation about family pressures to a proposal feels abrupt. A more gradual build-up to this moment could enhance its emotional weight.
  • Joan's reaction to the proposal is somewhat muted. Given the context of their relationship and the pressures she faces, her response could be more layered, reflecting confusion, surprise, and perhaps a flicker of hope or desire. This would make her character more relatable and complex.
  • The use of electrical wire as a makeshift ring is a clever visual metaphor for Alan's character, but it might be beneficial to explore Joan's reaction to this gesture more deeply. Does she find it endearing, absurd, or both? This could add another layer to their dynamic.
Suggestions
  • Consider revising Joan's harsh lines to be more nuanced, allowing for a mix of frustration and empathy that reflects her complex feelings towards Alan and their situation.
  • Add a moment where Alan briefly acknowledges Joan's feelings before returning to his own concerns, which would help balance the emotional stakes and show his capacity for empathy.
  • Gradually build up to the proposal moment, perhaps by including more dialogue that reflects their shared history and the weight of their current circumstances, making the proposal feel like a natural progression rather than a sudden shift.
  • Enhance Joan's reaction to the proposal by allowing her to express a range of emotions, which would make her character more relatable and add depth to the scene.
  • Explore Joan's feelings about the electrical wire ring more thoroughly, perhaps through her facial expressions or a brief internal monologue, to convey her mixed emotions about Alan's unconventional proposal.



Scene 36 -  Dancing in the Shadows
INT. BLETCHLEY PARK - BEER HUT - NIGHT

An impromptu ENGAGEMENT PARTY in the Beer Hut that night:

— A BANNER made from PUNCH CARDS reads: “CONGRATULATIONS!”

— Music plays as DANCERS TWIRL in the center of the Hut.

— Joan LAUGHS with her WREN FRIENDS in one corner, while in
another Alan drinks beer with his team.

ON JOAN AND THE GIRLS: She shows off her makeshift wire
engagement ring:

JOAN’S FRIEND
(trying her best)
... It’s... beautiful?

Joan LAUGHS. She understands.

JOAN CLARKE
I know it’s not an ordinary ring...

She looks over at Alan warmly.

JOAN CLARKE (CONT’D)
... But who ever loved ordinary?

ON ALAN AND THE BOYS: They’re are all a bit drunk, TELLING
DIRTY STORIES:

HUGH ALEXANDER
... So she’s got it in her hands,
right, and she looks up at me and
says, “I’m to put it in my mouth?”
And I say, “yes, you know. The
French way.” So she pops it in,
closes her lips around the thing...
And then she starts humming the
bloody Marseillaise!

The men BURST INTO LAUGHTER.

Except for Alan, who looks a bit confused.

PETER HILTON
(to Alan)
What about you and Joan? Does she
do it the French way?

Alan looks away, uncomfortable.

HUGH ALEXANDER
Soon enough, you lucky bastard.


Just then, Joan comes over and throws an affectionate arm
around Alan.

JOAN CLARKE
Care for a dance?

HUGH ALEXANDER
No no, your fiancé can dance with
you anytime he likes. Now it’s my
turn.

Hugh takes Joan’s hand, and leads her across the room. They
begin to DANCE, while Peter follows, dancing with one of
Joan’s friends.

Alan and John are left alone at the table.

Alan looks worried.

JOHN CAIRNCROSS
What’s the matter?

ALAN TURING
... What if I don’t fancy... being
with Joan in that way?

JOHN CAIRNCROSS
Because you’re a homosexual?

Alan looks at him, surprised.

JOHN CAIRNCROSS (CONT’D)
I suspected. You’re not quite as
much of an enigma as you think you
are. Or as much as Enigma is.

ALAN TURING
Should I tell Joan? I’ve had
affairs. With other men.

JOHN CAIRNCROSS
You know, in my admittedly limited
experience, women tend to be a bit
touchy about accidentally marrying
homosexuals. I think perhaps not
spreading this information around
might be in your best interest.

ALAN TURING
Having children, a family... I want
that with her. I do. I just don’t
know if I can... Pretend...


JOHN CAIRNCROSS
You can’t tell anyone, Alan. It’s
illegal. And Denniston is looking
for any excuse he can get to put
you away.

ALAN TURING
... I know.

JOHN CAIRNCROSS
This has to stay a secret, or trust
me, they’ll kill you for it.

ON ALAN: He knows John is right.

As Alan thinks, Joan comes back over and offers him her hand.

JOAN CLARKE
Come on, now it’s your turn.

She leads him to the dance floor.

As they START TO DANCE, chastely, sweetly, WE

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Drama","Romance"]

Summary During an impromptu engagement party at the Beer Hut in Bletchley Park, Joan proudly displays her makeshift engagement ring while her friends humorously compliment it. Meanwhile, Alan grapples with his feelings for Joan and his sexual orientation, confiding in John about his past affairs with men. John advises Alan to keep his homosexuality a secret due to societal pressures. The scene balances celebratory joy with Alan's internal conflict, culminating in a sweet, chaste dance between Joan and Alan.
Strengths
  • Nuanced character development
  • Emotional depth
  • Exploration of complex themes
Weaknesses
  • Limited external conflict
  • Some dialogue may be too on-the-nose

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively delves into Alan's inner turmoil and the complexities of his relationship with Joan, providing a poignant and thought-provoking exploration of identity and societal norms.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring Alan's internal conflict and the societal pressures of the time is compelling and thought-provoking. The scene effectively navigates complex themes of identity, love, and societal expectations.

Plot: 8

The plot progression in the scene focuses on character development and emotional depth, moving the story forward through the exploration of Alan's internal struggles and the dynamics of his relationship with Joan.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh perspective on the societal norms and expectations of the time, exploring themes of identity and secrecy in a unique way.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are richly developed, with nuanced emotions and conflicting desires that drive the scene forward. Alan's internal conflict and Joan's supportive yet conflicted stance add depth to the narrative.

Character Changes: 8

Alan undergoes a significant internal change in the scene, grappling with his sexuality and the societal expectations placed upon him. His vulnerability and honesty with Joan mark a pivotal moment in his character development.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to grapple with his homosexuality and how it affects his relationship with Joan. This reflects his deeper fears of rejection and societal judgment.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to navigate his engagement party and maintain his facade of a heterosexual relationship with Joan.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict in the scene is primarily internal, focusing on Alan's struggle with his sexuality and the societal pressures he faces. The tension between personal desires and societal expectations drives the emotional depth of the scene.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, as the protagonist grapples with internal and external conflicts that challenge his identity and relationships.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are primarily internal, focusing on Alan's personal struggle with his sexuality and the societal repercussions he could face if his secret is revealed. The emotional stakes are high, driving the tension in the scene.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by deepening the audience's understanding of Alan's internal conflict and the complexities of his relationship with Joan. It sets the stage for further exploration of identity and societal norms.

Unpredictability: 7

The scene is unpredictable in its exploration of the protagonist's internal struggles and the societal pressures he faces, keeping the audience engaged.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict is between societal expectations and personal identity, as the protagonist struggles with his true self and the expectations placed upon him by society.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, drawing the audience into the characters' inner turmoil and conflicting emotions. The tender moments between Alan and Joan, coupled with Alan's internal struggle, evoke a strong emotional response.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is poignant and reflective of the characters' emotional states, effectively conveying the inner turmoil and conflicted feelings they are experiencing. The conversations are meaningful and contribute to the scene's depth.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to the emotional depth of the characters, the tension of the internal conflicts, and the humor interspersed throughout.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and emotional depth, contributing to its overall effectiveness.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, effectively conveying the setting and character interactions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a structured format that effectively conveys the internal and external conflicts of the characters.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the juxtaposition of joy and tension, showcasing the celebratory atmosphere of the engagement party while also delving into Alan's internal conflict regarding his sexuality. This duality adds depth to the narrative, highlighting the societal pressures faced by Turing.
  • Joan's character shines through her interactions with her friends and Alan, demonstrating her warmth and acceptance. However, the dialogue surrounding the engagement ring feels slightly forced, as the friends' compliments come off as awkward rather than genuine. This could be refined to feel more natural.
  • The humor in the men's crude stories provides comic relief, but it also serves to isolate Alan further, emphasizing his discomfort. This is a strong choice, but the transition from the humor to Alan's serious internal conflict could be smoother to maintain the scene's emotional flow.
  • John Cairncross's dialogue is insightful and serves as a crucial turning point for Alan's character development. However, the exposition regarding Alan's homosexuality could be more subtly woven into the conversation to avoid feeling overly expository. Instead of stating 'you’re a homosexual,' John could hint at it through more nuanced dialogue.
  • The pacing of the scene is generally good, but the shift from the party atmosphere to the serious conversation between Alan and John feels abrupt. A more gradual transition could enhance the emotional impact, perhaps by incorporating more visual cues or reactions from the surrounding partygoers.
Suggestions
  • Consider revising the dialogue from Joan's friends to make their compliments feel more authentic and less forced. This could involve adding more playful banter or inside jokes that reflect their camaraderie.
  • Enhance the transition between the party atmosphere and Alan's serious conversation with John by incorporating visual elements, such as the music fading or the laughter dimming as the focus shifts to their discussion.
  • Instead of having John directly state Alan's sexuality, use more subtle hints or metaphors that allow the audience to infer this information, making the dialogue feel more organic.
  • Explore Alan's internal conflict further by incorporating his physical reactions or expressions during the conversation with John, which could add layers to his emotional state without relying solely on dialogue.
  • Consider adding a moment where Alan observes Joan dancing with Hugh, which could serve as a visual representation of his internal struggle and enhance the emotional stakes of the scene.



Scene 37 -  Anticipation and Isolation
INT. SHERBORNE SCHOOL FOR BOYS - ALAN’S ROOM - DAY - 1927

CLOSE ON A LETTER: “I LOVE YOU” is written on the paper.

REVEAL: Young Alan sits in his dormitory room, ENCRYPTING his
love letter to Christopher.

Slowly, letter by letter, Alan transforms “I LOVE YOU” into
code...

Hearing a commotion, Alan LOOKS OUT THE WINDOW:

BOYS are being unloaded from a BUS at the gates, dropped off
to begin the new spring term.

Alan sees them all, excited: Christopher is coming back!

He STUFFS HIS ENCRYPTED LETTER IN AN ENVELOPE and RUNS OFF to


EXT. SHERBORNE SCHOOL FOR BOYS - FRONT GATES - MINUTES LATER

Alan waits eagerly by the main gate as BOYS STREAM PAST —

— Joking, horsing around —

— Alan waits patiently, looking for Christopher’s face among
the rowdy schoolboys —


— Until: They’re all gone.

Christopher never shows.

Alan looks at his undelivered note, then at the empty yard
before him.

Where is Christopher?

Confused, Young Alan finally gives up...

... When he runs into the PACK OF BOYS who beat him up
earlier.

BOY #1
Well look. Mr. Turing is all alone.

Young Alan stands frozen as they come at him, and we

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Drama","Romance"]

Summary In this scene, Young Alan eagerly awaits the return of his love, Christopher, at Sherborne School for Boys. After encrypting a love letter, he rushes to the front gates, filled with hope, only to be met with disappointment when Christopher does not arrive. As he watches other boys arrive, he is confronted by a group of bullies, highlighting his loneliness and vulnerability. The scene captures the emotional turmoil of young love intertwined with the harsh realities of school life.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Subtle storytelling
  • Character vulnerability
Weaknesses
  • Limited dialogue
  • Lack of external conflict

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys the emotions of longing, heartbreak, and confusion through the use of subtle gestures and actions, creating a poignant and relatable moment for the audience.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of unrequited love is a timeless and universal theme that resonates with audiences, drawing them into the emotional journey of the characters.

Plot: 7.5

While the plot focuses on a specific moment of unrequited love between Young Alan and Christopher, it serves as a crucial building block for character development and emotional depth.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh approach to unrequited love and the challenges of expressing one's emotions in a restrictive environment, adding authenticity to the characters' actions and dialogue.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters of Young Alan and Christopher are well-developed, showcasing their vulnerability, longing, and emotional complexity in a compelling manner.

Character Changes: 7

Young Alan experiences a shift in his emotional state, moving from hopeful anticipation to heartbreak and disappointment as Christopher fails to show up.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to express his love for Christopher while dealing with the fear of rejection and the desire for acceptance.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to deliver the encrypted love letter to Christopher and reunite with him.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

The conflict in the scene is internal, focusing on the emotional struggle of Young Alan as he grapples with unrequited love and the disappointment of Christopher's absence.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene adds conflict and suspense, creating obstacles for the protagonist to overcome in his pursuit of love and acceptance.

High Stakes: 5

The stakes in the scene are primarily emotional, focusing on the vulnerability and longing of Young Alan as he waits for Christopher, highlighting the personal significance of the moment.

Story Forward: 6

While the scene does not significantly move the main plot forward, it serves as a crucial moment for character development and emotional depth, laying the foundation for future events.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable in its emotional twists and turns, keeping the audience invested in the protagonist's journey.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict is between the protagonist's desire for love and acceptance and the harsh reality of potential rejection and isolation.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking feelings of empathy, heartbreak, and longing in the audience through the poignant portrayal of unrequited love.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue in the scene is minimal but impactful, conveying the unspoken emotions and inner turmoil of the characters through subtle actions and gestures.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its emotional depth, suspenseful pacing, and relatable themes of love and rejection.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and emotional depth, enhancing the audience's investment in the protagonist's journey.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, enhancing the visual storytelling and emotional impact.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, effectively building tension and emotional depth.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures Young Alan's innocence and longing for Christopher, which is a poignant contrast to the bullying he faces later. However, the emotional stakes could be heightened by providing more context about Alan's feelings for Christopher, perhaps through internal monologue or flashbacks that illustrate their bond.
  • The transition from Alan's hopeful anticipation to the harsh reality of being bullied is abrupt. While this reflects the unpredictability of childhood experiences, it may benefit from a more gradual build-up to the confrontation, allowing the audience to feel Alan's hope and subsequent despair more deeply.
  • The dialogue is minimal, which works well for conveying Alan's isolation and the tension of the moment. However, adding a few lines of internal thought or a brief exchange with another character could enhance the emotional depth and provide insight into Alan's psyche.
  • The visual elements are strong, particularly the contrast between the lively boys arriving and Alan's solitary wait. However, the scene could benefit from more descriptive imagery to evoke the atmosphere of the school and the emotional weight of Alan's experience, such as the sounds of laughter or the sights of the school environment.
  • The scene ends on a cliffhanger with the arrival of the bullies, which is effective for building tension. However, it might be more impactful if there were a brief moment of reflection from Alan before the confrontation, allowing the audience to connect with his vulnerability before the impending conflict.
Suggestions
  • Consider incorporating a voiceover or internal monologue for Young Alan to express his feelings about Christopher and the significance of the letter, which would add emotional depth.
  • Introduce a moment of interaction between Alan and another character (perhaps a friend or a teacher) before he runs into the bullies to establish his emotional state and create a stronger contrast with the bullying.
  • Enhance the sensory details in the scene to create a more immersive experience, such as describing the sounds of the boys arriving or the sights of the school environment.
  • Add a brief moment of reflection for Alan after he realizes Christopher is not coming, allowing the audience to feel his disappointment before the bullies appear.
  • Consider using a more gradual build-up to the confrontation with the bullies, perhaps by showing Alan's increasing anxiety as he waits, which would make the eventual encounter feel more impactful.



Scene 38 -  The Imitation Game: A Battle of Wits
INT. MANCHESTER POLICE STATION - INTERROGATION ROOM - 1951

Alan Turing sits alone in the interrogation room with his
eyes closed.

Detective Nock enters.

DETECTIVE NOCK
Cup of tea?

ALAN TURING
(eyes closed)
Thanks, no.

DETECTIVE NOCK
... Mr. Turing, may I tell you a
secret?

ALAN TURING
I’m quite good with those.

DETECTIVE NOCK
I’m here to help you.

Suddenly, Alan opens his eyes.

ALAN TURING
(re: being in jail)
Clearly.

DETECTIVE NOCK
(changing tacks)
... Can machines think?


ALAN TURING
You’ve read my published work.

DETECTIVE NOCK
What makes you say that?

ALAN TURING
Because I’m sitting in a police
station, accused of entreating a
young man to touch my penis, and
you’re asking me whether machines
can think.

DETECTIVE NOCK
Can they? Could machines ever think
as human beings do?

ALAN TURING
Most people say no.

DETECTIVE NOCK
You’re not most people.

ALAN TURING
The problem is that you’re asking a
stupid question.

DETECTIVE NOCK
I am?

ALAN TURING
Of course machines can’t think “as
human beings do.” A machine is
different from a human being;
hence, it would think differently.
The interesting question is, just
because something thinks
differently from you, does that
mean it’s not thinking? We allow
that humans have such divergences
from one another. You like
strawberries. I hate ice-skating.
You cry at sad films. I’m allergic
to pollen. What does it mean to
have different tastes — different
preferences — other than to say
that our brains work differently?
That we think differently from one
another? And if we can say that
about each another, why can’t we
say the same for brains made of
copper and steel?

DETECTIVE NOCK
That’s... This big paper you
wrote... What’s it called?


ALAN TURING
“The Imitation Game.”

DETECTIVE NOCK
Right. That’s what it’s about?

ALAN TURING
(thinking)
... Would you like to play?

DETECTIVE NOCK
Play?

ALAN TURING
The game. It’s a test, of sorts.
For determining whether something
is a machine, or a human being.

DETECTIVE NOCK
How do we play?

ALAN TURING
There’s a judge, and a subject. The
judge asks questions, and based on
the subject’s answers, he
determines: Who is he speaking
with? What is he speaking with? All
you have to do is ask me a
question.

DETECTIVE NOCK
... What did you do during the war?

ALAN TURING
I worked in a radio factory.

DETECTIVE NOCK
What did you really do during the
war?

Alan smiles — Detective Nock is smarter than he looks.

ALAN TURING
... Are you paying attention?
Genres: ["Drama","Historical"]

Summary In a tense interrogation room in 1951, Alan Turing engages Detective Nock in a philosophical debate about machine intelligence. Turing, maintaining his composure, challenges Nock's questions and asserts that the inquiry into whether machines can think is foolish. He references his work, 'The Imitation Game,' and proposes a game to illustrate his point. Despite the serious nature of the interrogation, Turing's wit shines through, culminating in a moment of connection as he smiles at Nock's perceptive inquiry about his wartime activities.
Strengths
  • Sharp dialogue
  • Intellectual debate
  • Character depth
Weaknesses
  • Limited emotional impact
  • Lack of external conflict

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene is well-written, engaging, and thought-provoking, with strong dialogue and character dynamics.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of exploring the nature of intelligence and consciousness through the lens of an interrogation is innovative and thought-provoking.

Plot: 8

The plot progression in this scene is driven by the interrogation and the revelation of Alan Turing's intellect and beliefs.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh perspective on the debate surrounding artificial intelligence and consciousness, presenting complex ideas in a compelling and engaging manner. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and contribute to the scene's originality.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters, especially Alan Turing and Detective Nock, are well-developed and their interactions add depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 8

Alan Turing undergoes a subtle shift in his demeanor and reveals more of his inner thoughts and beliefs during the interrogation.

Internal Goal: 9

Alan Turing's internal goal is to assert his intelligence and defend his beliefs about artificial intelligence and the nature of thinking. This reflects his need for validation of his ideas and his fear of being misunderstood or underestimated.

External Goal: 8

Alan Turing's external goal is to navigate the interrogation and potentially manipulate Detective Nock through their conversation. This reflects the immediate challenge of defending himself against the accusations and maintaining control of the situation.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict in the scene is primarily internal, as Alan Turing grapples with the interrogation and societal expectations.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Detective Nock challenging Alan Turing's beliefs and pushing him to defend his ideas. The audience is left unsure of how the conversation will unfold, adding suspense to the scene.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high for Alan Turing, as he faces accusations that could impact his reputation and freedom.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by deepening the audience's understanding of Alan Turing's character and beliefs.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists in the dialogue and the characters' shifting motivations. The audience is kept on their toes as the conversation unfolds.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene is the debate between human and machine intelligence, challenging traditional beliefs about consciousness and cognition. This conflict challenges Alan Turing's worldview and beliefs about the potential of artificial intelligence.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7.5

The emotional impact is subtle but present, especially in Alan Turing's vulnerability and defense mechanisms.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is sharp, intelligent, and drives the philosophical debate at the heart of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the intellectual debate, subtle humor, and tension between the characters. The dialogue is thought-provoking and keeps the audience invested in the conversation.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and maintaining the audience's interest. The rhythm of the dialogue and the progression of ideas contribute to the scene's overall impact.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with clear character cues and dialogue formatting. The visual descriptions enhance the atmosphere of the interrogation room.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a dialogue-driven interrogation scene, with a clear progression of ideas and character dynamics. The pacing and rhythm of the dialogue contribute to the scene's effectiveness.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes a tense atmosphere, reflecting Alan Turing's precarious situation. The use of dialogue to explore the philosophical question of machine intelligence is a strong thematic element, aligning with Turing's character as a pioneering thinker. However, the dialogue can feel a bit expository at times, particularly when Turing explains concepts that may be familiar to Nock. This could be streamlined to maintain the flow and keep the audience engaged.
  • The character dynamics between Turing and Nock are intriguing, showcasing Turing's intelligence and Nock's curiosity. However, Nock's character could benefit from more depth. As it stands, he feels somewhat one-dimensional, primarily serving as a foil to Turing. Adding layers to Nock's character—perhaps by revealing his own struggles or motivations—could enhance the conflict and make their interaction more compelling.
  • The pacing of the scene is generally good, but it could be tightened in places. For instance, Turing's lengthy explanation about machines thinking differently could be condensed to maintain momentum. While it's important to convey Turing's ideas, the scene risks losing tension if it becomes too didactic.
  • The transition from the previous scene to this one is somewhat abrupt. While the emotional weight of Turing's situation is palpable, a smoother transition could help the audience better understand the shift in tone and setting. Perhaps a brief moment of reflection or a visual cue could bridge the two scenes more effectively.
  • The ending of the scene leaves the audience with a sense of intrigue, but it could be strengthened by providing a clearer emotional or narrative hook. Turing's smile at Nock's intelligence is a nice touch, but it might be more impactful if it were tied to a specific realization or deeper connection between the characters.
Suggestions
  • Consider tightening Turing's dialogue to avoid excessive exposition. Focus on key phrases that convey his ideas without losing the audience's attention.
  • Develop Detective Nock's character further by incorporating hints of his own background or motivations, which could create a more dynamic interaction with Turing.
  • Enhance the transition between scenes by adding a brief moment of reflection or a visual element that connects Turing's previous emotional state to his current situation.
  • Strengthen the emotional impact of the scene's conclusion by tying Turing's smile to a specific realization or connection, making it resonate more with the audience.
  • Explore the possibility of incorporating non-verbal cues or body language to convey the tension and stakes in the room, adding depth to the characters' interactions.



Scene 39 -  Midnight Despair at Bletchley Park
INT. BLETCHLEY PARK - HUT 11 - NIGHT - 1942

Alan and his team — Hugh, John, Peter — anxiously stand
before Alan’s huge machine as it CLACK CLACK CLACKS,
ferociously loud.

The gears are spinning, current is flowing through the wires,
and the team stares at it, taking turns compulsively checking
their watches.


ON ALAN: This is going to work. This has to work.

Suddenly...

... DING. The chime announces the stroke of midnight.

HUGH ALEXANDER
Damn it!

Everyone is pissed, frustrated.

Alan looks as if he’s about to rip his own hair out: Why
won’t this damned thing work?

As the machine CLACKS on, oblivious, they all walk outside:


EXT. BLETCHLEY PARK - NEAR HUT 11 - CONTINUOUS

The team walks across Bletchley together, moving as one
through the most highly secret war zone in the world.

MORE SECURITY has been added throughout the park, including
along the path from Hut 11 — ARMED GUARDS check IDs, which
the team hands over absentmindedly.

JOHN CAIRNCROSS
We’re soon out of time. Our
month...

PETER HILTON
So that’s it then. We lost.

HUGH ALEXANDER
It does not matter how much we
improve on it, that machine will
never be able to check 159 million
million million possibilities in
time.

ALAN TURING
It’s searching... It’s just... It
doesn’t know what it’s searching
for... If only we knew what the
messages were going to say...

JOHN CAIRNCROSS
If we knew what the messages were
going to say, we wouldn’t have to
decrypt them at all.

ON ALAN: Maybe it was always impossible after all.
Genres: ["Drama","Historical","War"]

Summary In a tense scene set in 1942 at Bletchley Park, Alan Turing and his team—Hugh, John, and Peter—frantically monitor a malfunctioning machine in Hut 11 as it fails to decrypt crucial messages. As the clock strikes midnight, their frustration escalates, leading them to step outside to discuss their dwindling time and the machine's limitations. Alan remains hopeful that the machine is searching for something, while John cynically points out the futility of their efforts without understanding the messages. The scene captures their collective anxiety and sense of impending defeat, ending with Alan contemplating the impossibility of their task.
Strengths
  • Effective portrayal of tension and frustration
  • Strong emotional impact
  • Compelling character dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Dialogue could be more impactful

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys the tension and high stakes of the situation, with strong emotional impact and character development.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the scene, highlighting the team's efforts and the limitations of their machine, is well-developed and engaging.

Plot: 8.5

The plot progression in the scene is crucial, as it reveals the team's realization of the machine's failure and sets up future developments.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh perspective on the challenges of code-breaking during World War II. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and engaging.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters' reactions and interactions are well-portrayed, adding depth and complexity to the scene.

Character Changes: 7

While there is not significant individual character change in this scene, the collective experience impacts the team dynamics.

Internal Goal: 8

Alan's internal goal is to make the machine work and decrypt the messages. This reflects his desire to contribute to the war effort and prove his intelligence.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to decrypt the messages before the deadline. This reflects the immediate challenge they are facing in the scene.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict between the team's hopes and the reality of the machine's failure drives the scene's tension and emotional impact.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the characters facing significant challenges and setbacks in their mission.

High Stakes: 9

The high stakes of the team's mission and the potential consequences of the machine's failure heighten the tension and drama.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by revealing the team's realization of the machine's limitations and setting up future challenges.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected challenges and setbacks faced by the characters.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict is between the team's belief in the machine's capabilities and the reality of its limitations. This challenges Alan's belief in the power of technology to solve problems.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions of frustration, disappointment, and hope, resonating with the audience.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue effectively conveys the characters' emotions and the gravity of the situation, but could be more impactful.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the high stakes, tense atmosphere, and relatable characters.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the reader engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and easy to follow, enhancing the reader's understanding of the action.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a tense, high-stakes moment in a war drama.


Critique
  • The scene effectively conveys the tension and urgency surrounding Alan Turing and his team's efforts to break the Enigma code. The use of sound, particularly the 'CLACK CLACK CLACK' of the machine, creates a palpable atmosphere of anxiety and anticipation.
  • The dialogue captures the frustration and desperation of the characters well, particularly in their exchanges about the machine's limitations. However, the dialogue could benefit from more distinct character voices to enhance individual personalities and dynamics within the team.
  • The transition from the interior of Hut 11 to the exterior adds a layer of realism, showcasing the high-security environment of Bletchley Park. However, the scene could further emphasize the contrast between the chaos inside and the controlled exterior by incorporating more sensory details about the surroundings.
  • The emotional stakes are present, but the scene could delve deeper into the characters' internal struggles. For instance, Alan's hopefulness juxtaposed with the team's growing despair could be explored more through internal monologue or visual cues, enhancing the audience's connection to their plight.
  • The ending line, 'Maybe it was always impossible after all,' is impactful but could be strengthened by showing Alan's emotional response to this realization. A visual cue, such as a close-up of his face or a moment of silence, could amplify the weight of this moment.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more character-specific dialogue to differentiate the voices of Alan, Hugh, John, and Peter. This will help the audience connect with each character's unique perspective and emotional state.
  • Incorporate more sensory details in the setting, such as the cold night air, the distant sounds of the war, or the tension in the guards' demeanor, to create a richer atmosphere.
  • Explore Alan's internal conflict more deeply. Perhaps include a brief moment of reflection where he questions his own abilities or the morality of their work, which would add depth to his character.
  • Enhance the visual storytelling by including more physical reactions from the characters, such as fidgeting, pacing, or expressions of frustration, to convey their emotional states without relying solely on dialogue.
  • Consider ending the scene with a stronger visual or emotional cue that encapsulates the team's despair and Alan's determination, such as a lingering shot on Alan's face as he grapples with the weight of their situation.



Scene 40 -  A Sudden Realization
INT. BLETCHLEY PARK - BEER HUT - LATER

It’s crowded in the beer hut, even this late at night.

On one side of the room, Alan, Hugh, John, and Peter are
drinking. Commiserating about their fate.

On the other side, Joan is drinking with her friend HELEN — a
fellow WREN.

ON JOAN AND HELEN:

HELEN
Who’s Alan’s friend?

JOAN CLARKE
Hugh? Bit of a cad, actually.

HELEN
So my type then?

JOAN CLARKE
Here, I’ll introduce you.

HELEN
No! Lord, engaged for a fortnight
and you’ve already forgotten how to
do this? He’ll come over.

JOAN CLARKE
Are you sure?

HELEN
Yes. I smiled at him fifteen
minutes ago and haven’t looked at
him since.

ON HUGH, ALAN, JOHN, AND PETER:

Hugh is looking at the girls.

HUGH ALEXANDER
(re: Helen)
Who’s that, then?

ALAN TURING
Helen? Works with Joan in the
WREN’s hut.

PETER HILTON
You do have a point about the
little hats.

HUGH ALEXANDER
She wants me to come over.


ALAN TURING
How can you possibly know that?

HUGH ALEXANDER
She smiled at me awhile back and
hasn’t looked again since.

ON JOAN AND HELEN:

HELEN
(re: Hugh’s glances)
And... Got him.

JOAN CLARKE
Is it odd that when I was single
this game felt tedious, but now it
seems just dreadfully fun?

ON THE BOYS:

HUGH ALEXANDER
(re: Helen’s glances)
And... Brilliant. She’s in. Alan,
introduce me.

ALAN TURING
Why me?

HUGH ALEXANDER
Because there is nothing like a
friend’s engagement to make a woman
want to do something she will later
regret with the fiancé’s better-
looking chum.

Hugh drags Alan across the pub to Helen and Joan.

ON JOHN AND PETER:

JOHN CAIRNCROSS
Half crown says Alan bollockses
this up entirely.

PETER HILTON
No bet.

ON HUGH, ALAN, JOAN, AND HELEN:

HUGH ALEXANDER
(to the ladies)
Alan Turing has a theory.

JOAN CLARKE
He has many.


HUGH ALEXANDER
He believes that the regulations
against men and women working side-
by-side are sound, because such
proximity will necessarily lead to
romance.

ALAN TURING
No I don’t —

Hugh KICKS Alan, who shuts up.

HUGH ALEXANDER
— However, I disagree.

HELEN
You do?

HUGH ALEXANDER
I think that if I were working
beside a woman all day long, I
could manage to appreciate her
abilities and intellect without
needing to take her to bed.
(to Helen)
Pardon, have we met?

HELEN
I don’t recall. But let’s assume we
haven’t.

Hugh looks at Alan for an introduction: Alan is silent.

Joan picks up the slack:

JOAN CLARKE
Helen Stewart, Hugh Alexander.

HUGH ALEXANDER
So who do you agree with? Alan or
myself?

HELEN
Well, Alan, of course.

ALAN TURING
I’m flattered, but this is not
actually —

Now Joan KICKS Alan, who is still very confused.

HUGH ALEXANDER
— Rubbish.


HELEN
I work beside a man every day, and
I can’t help but have developed a
bit of a crush on him.

HUGH ALEXANDER
Well who is this man, so I can kick
his arse?

HELEN
Oh, it’s been chaste, you’ve no
need to worry. We’ve never even
met. He’s a German.

HUGH ALEXANDER
Now I really want to kill him.

ALAN TURING
How do you mean you work alongside
a German?

HELEN
Each of us intercepts messages from
a specific German radio tower. So
we’ve a counterpart on the other
side, who’s tip-tapping out the
messages. Everybody types a touch
differently; you get to know the
rhythm of your counterpart. It’s
strangely intimate. I feel as if we
know each other. Pity he has a
girlfriend... But that’s why I
disagree with you. I’m in love with
a co-worker, of sorts, even if
we’ve never met.

HUGH ALEXANDER
I’ll require another pint to tell
you why you’re wrong.

HELEN
Let’s.

Helen and Hugh walk away to the bar...

JOAN CLARKE
(to Alan)
That’s what flirting looks like. In
case you were curious.

But Alan is lost in thought...

Something is wrong...

ALAN TURING
(screaming)
HELEN!!!


Everyone in the room turns and stares at him.

Joan winces.

Helen and Hugh come back over.

HELEN
Yes, Alan?

ALAN TURING
Why do you think your German
counterpart has a girlfriend?

HELEN
Oh, it’s a stupid joke, don’t worry
about it.

ALAN TURING
Tell me.

HELEN
Each one of his messages begins
with the same five letters. C-I-L-L-
Y. So I suspect Cilly must be the
name of his amore.

ALAN TURING
That’s impossible. The Germans are
instructed to choose five letters
at random to start every message.

HELEN
Well, this bloke doesn’t.

HUGH ALEXANDER
Love’ll make a man do strange
things, I suppose. Anyhow —

ALAN TURING
— In this case, love just lost the
Germans the whole bloody war.

Alan BOLTS out of the bar —

— SPILLING BEER ALL OVER HELEN —

— Who CRIES OUT, and ANGRILY RUNS OFF —

— Leaving Hugh and Joan standing there, confused.

They share a look: What’s gotten into Alan?

Joan quickly RUNS OFF after Alan —

— Hugh follows suit —


— And John and Peter, seeing this across the room, take off
after Hugh —
Genres: ["Drama","Romance","Historical"]

Summary In a lively beer hut at Bletchley Park, Alan, Hugh, Joan, and Helen engage in flirtatious banter about romantic interests. As Hugh flirts with Helen, Alan becomes alarmed by a mention of Helen's German counterpart, realizing it could be a crucial clue for their work. His abrupt exit, which spills beer on Helen and causes confusion among the group, shifts the atmosphere from playful to tense, prompting Joan and Hugh to chase after him.
Strengths
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Revealing character dynamics
  • Mix of romance, humor, and tension
Weaknesses
  • Limited character development
  • Sudden realization may feel contrived

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively combines elements of romance, humor, and tension to create an engaging and memorable moment in the story. The dialogue is witty and reveals important character dynamics, while the sudden revelation adds a layer of suspense.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of intercepted messages revealing a secret love affair adds depth to the narrative and highlights the complexities of relationships during wartime. The scene effectively explores themes of love, loyalty, and deception.

Plot: 8.5

The plot is advanced through the revelation of the intercepted messages and the subsequent realization of a critical error in the German communication system. The scene adds intrigue and sets up future developments in the story.

Originality: 8.5

The scene offers a fresh take on wartime romance and personal connections, blending humor and drama in a unique way. The characters' interactions feel authentic and relatable, adding depth to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-developed through their interactions and dialogue, showcasing their personalities, relationships, and motivations. The scene allows for character growth and reveals new dimensions to their dynamics.

Character Changes: 7

While there are subtle shifts in character dynamics and revelations about their relationships, the scene does not feature significant character changes. However, it sets the stage for potential growth and development in future scenes.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to navigate the complexities of romantic relationships and personal connections amidst the pressures of war and secrecy. This reflects their desire for human connection and emotional fulfillment.

External Goal: 7.5

The protagonist's external goal is to maintain focus on their code-breaking work while also dealing with personal relationships and social dynamics. This reflects the immediate challenges of balancing personal and professional life during wartime.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict in the scene is primarily internal, with characters grappling with their feelings, relationships, and the implications of intercepted messages. The tension arises from the revelation of a critical error in the German communication system.

Opposition: 7.5

The opposition in the scene adds tension and conflict, challenging the characters' beliefs, values, and relationships. The obstacles they face create uncertainty and intrigue, driving the narrative forward.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are moderately high in the scene, with characters facing personal and professional challenges related to intercepted messages, relationships, and the implications of a critical error in the German communication system. The scene sets the stage for potential consequences and conflicts.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by revealing important information about intercepted messages, character relationships, and a critical error in the German communication system. It sets up future conflicts and developments in the narrative.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists in the characters' interactions and revelations. The emotional stakes and shifting dynamics add tension and intrigue to the narrative.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the nature of relationships and the impact of personal connections on professional responsibilities. It challenges the protagonist's beliefs about love, loyalty, and duty.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene delivers a strong emotional impact through the revelation of the intercepted messages, the characters' reactions, and the sudden realization of a critical error. The mix of romance, humor, and tension evokes a range of emotions in the audience.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is witty, engaging, and reveals important information about the characters and their relationships. It effectively conveys emotions, humor, and tension, enhancing the overall impact of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its blend of humor, drama, and emotional depth. The witty banter and character interactions keep the audience invested in the story and the characters' relationships.

Pacing: 8.5

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by balancing humor, drama, and emotional depth. The rhythm of the dialogue and interactions keeps the audience engaged and invested in the characters' stories.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene descriptions, character actions, and dialogue. The formatting enhances the readability and impact of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a well-paced structure with clear character dynamics and narrative progression. The dialogue and interactions flow naturally, building tension and emotional depth.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the contrast between the lighthearted atmosphere of the beer hut and Alan's intense focus on the implications of Helen's comments. This juxtaposition adds depth to Alan's character, showcasing his ability to shift from social interactions to critical thinking. However, the transition from the playful banter to Alan's sudden outburst could be smoother to maintain the flow of the scene.
  • The dialogue is witty and engaging, particularly the exchanges between Joan and Helen, as well as the banter among the men. However, some of the humor may overshadow the urgency of Alan's realization. While humor is essential, it should not detract from the gravity of the situation that Alan is uncovering.
  • Alan's character is portrayed as socially awkward yet brilliant, which is consistent with his established persona. However, his abrupt shift from participating in the conversation to screaming could benefit from a more gradual build-up of tension. This would make his outburst feel more organic and less jarring.
  • The scene does a good job of showcasing the camaraderie among the characters, but it could delve deeper into the emotional stakes for Alan. His realization about the German messages could be tied more closely to his personal struggles, enhancing the emotional weight of the moment.
  • The visual elements, such as the crowded beer hut and the spilled beer, are effective in creating a lively atmosphere. However, the scene could benefit from more descriptive imagery to enhance the setting and the characters' emotions, allowing the audience to feel the tension and excitement more vividly.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment where Alan's internal conflict is visually represented before his outburst, perhaps through a close-up of his face showing growing concern as he listens to the conversation.
  • Introduce a brief pause or a moment of silence before Alan screams, allowing the audience to feel the weight of his realization and creating a more impactful transition from humor to urgency.
  • Incorporate more physical reactions from Alan throughout the scene, such as fidgeting or glancing around nervously, to build up to his eventual outburst and make it feel more justified.
  • Enhance the dialogue by including a line or two that hints at Alan's emotional state regarding his work and the war, which would provide context for his sudden shift in focus.
  • Consider using more descriptive language to paint a vivid picture of the beer hut's atmosphere, the characters' expressions, and the tension in the air, making the scene more immersive for the audience.



Scene 41 -  The Breakthrough in Hut 8
EXT. BLETCHLEY PARK - CONTINUOUS - SEQUENCE

Everyone chases Alan across Bletchley Park —

— GUARDS YELL at Alan as he bypasses security checkpoints —

— Guards are screaming at them, drawing guns as he and Joan
barrel into Hut 8 —

— Hugh and John show their IDs to the Guards, yelling back at
them —

— Hugh and John finally get rid of the guards and enter:


INT. BLETCHLEY PARK - HUT 8 - CONTINUOUS

— Joan runs into the Hut to find that Alan has grabbed a BOX
OF PREVIOUSLY DECRYPTED MESSAGES —

— Alan POURS those messages out all over the floor —

JOAN CLARKE
Alan?

— Hugh, John, and Peter enter as Alan spreads the messages
out on the floor. (Just like he did in Joan’s flat!)

ALAN TURING
What if Christopher doesn’t have to
search through all the settings?
What if he only had to search the
ones that produce the words we
already know will be in the
message?

HUGH ALEXANDER
Repeated words! Predictable
words...

— They all search the messages with Alan —

— Joan holds up a DECRYPT: It’s the same one she read
earlier.

JOAN CLARKE
Like this?
(reading aloud)
“0600 hours. Weather today is
clear. Rain in the evening. Heil
Hitler.”


ALAN TURING
Yes! That’s it!
(looking at message)
They send a weather report at 6AM.
Every day. That means there are
three words we already know will be
in the 6am message. “Weather,”
obviously, and —

HUGH ALEXANDER
— “Heil bloody Hitler.”

ALAN TURING
Heil bloody Hitler.

Joan searches through a PILE, finding:

JOAN CLARKE
Here’s the 6 o’clock message from
this morning.

Joan holds the message as they all run out to:
Genres: ["Drama","Historical","Thriller"]

Summary In a tense and frantic scene at Bletchley Park, Alan Turing and Joan Clarke evade guards and rush into Hut 8, where they brainstorm a new decryption method. Alan spills previously decrypted messages on the floor, prompting a collaborative effort with Hugh Alexander, John, and Peter to identify repeated words. Joan discovers a crucial 6 o'clock weather report message, signaling a potential breakthrough in their decryption efforts.
Strengths
  • Tension-filled atmosphere
  • Sharp dialogue
  • Character development
  • Plot progression
Weaknesses
  • Potential for confusion with technical details

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9.2

The scene is highly engaging, filled with tension and excitement as the team makes a significant discovery in their code-breaking efforts. The dialogue is sharp and focused, driving the plot forward with a sense of urgency.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of decoding the Enigma messages and identifying repeated words is innovative and adds depth to the plot. It showcases the team's intelligence and problem-solving skills.

Plot: 9

The plot is advanced significantly in this scene as the team makes a breakthrough in their code-breaking efforts. It sets the stage for further developments and raises the stakes for the characters.

Originality: 8

The scene is original in its portrayal of codebreaking during World War II, highlighting the intellectual and ethical challenges faced by the characters. The dialogue feels authentic and the actions are driven by the characters' intelligence and determination.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed and show growth as they work together to decipher the Enigma messages. Each character's unique skills and personalities contribute to the success of the team.

Character Changes: 9

The characters undergo a subtle change as they work together to decipher the Enigma messages, showing growth in their problem-solving skills and teamwork.

Internal Goal: 9

The protagonist's internal goal is to solve the code and find a way to make the decryption process more efficient. This reflects his desire for recognition and validation of his intelligence.

External Goal: 8

The protagonist's external goal is to decrypt the messages and gain valuable intelligence for the war effort. This reflects the immediate challenge of breaking the enemy's code.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8.5

The conflict in the scene arises from the challenge of decoding the Enigma messages and the pressure to succeed in a high-stakes situation. The tension between the characters adds depth to the narrative.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with guards, security checkpoints, and the challenge of breaking the enemy's code creating obstacles for the characters. The audience is unsure of how the characters will overcome these challenges.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in this scene as the team races against time to decode the Enigma messages and gain a strategic advantage in the war. The outcome will have significant consequences for their mission.

Story Forward: 9

The scene propels the story forward by revealing a crucial breakthrough in the team's code-breaking efforts. It sets the stage for further developments and raises the stakes for the characters.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists in the codebreaking process and the characters' reactions to new information. The audience is kept on their toes, unsure of how the situation will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict is between the necessity of breaking the code to win the war and the moral implications of using that intelligence to potentially harm others. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs about the greater good and the cost of victory.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.8

The scene evokes a sense of determination, hope, and curiosity in the characters as they make progress in their code-breaking efforts. The audience is emotionally invested in their success.

Dialogue: 9.2

The dialogue is sharp, engaging, and serves to drive the plot forward. It reveals the characters' intelligence, wit, and determination in their code-breaking efforts.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the fast-paced action, intellectual challenge, and moral dilemmas faced by the characters. The urgency and tension keep the audience invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension, revealing new information at a steady pace, and keeping the audience engaged in the characters' actions and decisions.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with clear action lines, dialogue, and scene headings. The visual descriptions enhance the reader's understanding of the setting and characters.

Structure: 9

The scene follows the expected structure for a tense, action-driven sequence in a historical drama. The pacing and rhythm build suspense and keep the audience engaged.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension with the chaotic chase, creating a sense of urgency that reflects the high stakes of their work at Bletchley Park. However, the transition from the chase to the brainstorming session could be smoother. The abrupt shift from physical action to intellectual discussion may confuse the audience about the urgency of the situation.
  • Alan's idea about focusing on predictable words is a strong moment that showcases his intelligence and creativity. However, the dialogue could benefit from more emotional weight. The characters are excited about the breakthrough, but the stakes of their work and the potential consequences of failure could be emphasized more to heighten the tension.
  • The dialogue is functional but lacks distinct character voices. Each character should have a unique way of expressing themselves that reflects their personality and relationship dynamics. For example, Joan's contributions could be more assertive, showcasing her growing confidence and partnership with Alan.
  • The visual elements of the scene are engaging, particularly the imagery of the messages spilling onto the floor. However, the scene could benefit from more descriptive language to enhance the visual storytelling. For instance, describing the chaos of the spilled messages and the frantic energy of the characters could create a more immersive experience for the audience.
  • The pacing of the scene is generally good, but it could be tightened in places. For instance, the moment when Joan finds the 6 o'clock message could be more dynamic, perhaps with a quick cut to her expression of realization before she reads it aloud. This would create a more impactful moment of discovery.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment of reflection or dialogue that highlights the emotional stakes of their work, such as the potential lives at risk if they fail to decode the messages.
  • Enhance character differentiation in dialogue by giving each character a distinct voice or catchphrase that reflects their personality and relationship with Alan.
  • Incorporate more descriptive language to paint a vivid picture of the scene, focusing on the chaos of the spilled messages and the frantic energy of the characters as they work together.
  • Tighten the pacing by using quick cuts or reactions to emphasize moments of realization, particularly when Joan finds the 6 o'clock message, to create a more dynamic flow.
  • Consider adding a moment of tension or conflict among the team as they search through the messages, which could further highlight the pressure they are under and the stakes of their mission.



Scene 42 -  The Race Against Time
EXT. BLETCHLEY PARK - HUT 8 - CONTINUOUS

Alan runs from Hut 8 to Hut 11, the team chasing behind him.


INT. BLETCHLEY PARK - HUT 11 - CONTINUOUS

Alan, Joan, John, Peter and Hugh burst in —

ALAN TURING
Hugh — the right hand letter-rings.
Set them to —

HUGH ALEXANDER
— I know, I know. “Veter.”
“Hitler.”

— Hugh turns the rings while —

ALAN TURING
— Peter, John — Run voltage from
those rings through the back
scramblers —

— John and Peter go around back —

JOHN CAIRNCROSS
— So we’ll use the loops?


ALAN TURING
— Yes. Joan, what’s the last 6am
message?

Joan reads aloud to Alan as he enters it in:

JOAN CLARKE
L - H - W - A - U - Q - X - K...

They all stand back as Alan TURNS ON the machine.

They watch the CLACK CLACK CLACK of Christopher as he
processes the message...

— They’re nervous, fretting, anxiously awaiting his
calculations...

... Finally, Christopher STOPS.

Silence, as a SERIES OF ROTORS on the side of Christopher
snap into place, displaying a SET OF LETTERS.

PETER HILTON
What happened? Did it work?

Alan SCRIBBLES down the letters (”EXBAO...”) and they all run
back to —
Genres: ["Drama","Historical","Thriller"]

Summary In a tense scene at Bletchley Park's Hut 11, Alan Turing and his team scramble to decode a crucial message. Alan directs Hugh to set the letter-rings to 'Veter' and 'Hitler' while Peter and John run voltage through the scramblers. Joan reads the last message, which Alan inputs into the machine, Christopher. The team anxiously watches as the machine processes the message, culminating in a moment of suspense before the rotors snap into place, revealing a set of letters. The scene ends with Alan hurriedly noting down the output, signaling urgency and anticipation.
Strengths
  • Intense tension
  • Strong teamwork dynamics
  • High stakes
  • Emotional depth
Weaknesses
  • Limited character development
  • Some predictable plot elements

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9.2

The scene is well-crafted, with a high level of tension, character dynamics, and plot progression. The stakes are clearly established, and the teamwork aspect adds depth to the narrative.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of decrypting a message using the Christopher machine is engaging and central to the plot. The scene effectively conveys the complexity of the task and the team's expertise.

Plot: 9

The plot advances significantly in this scene as the team works towards decrypting a crucial message. The conflict and stakes are heightened, setting the stage for future developments.

Originality: 8

The scene demonstrates a fresh approach to the familiar wartime code-breaking genre by focusing on the use of technology and innovation in decryption. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters' interactions and individual contributions are well-defined in this scene, showcasing their expertise, teamwork, and personal dynamics. Each character's role adds depth to the narrative.

Character Changes: 8

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the teamwork and collaboration showcase the characters' growth and expertise in their field.

Internal Goal: 9

Alan Turing's internal goal in this scene is to prove the effectiveness of his code-breaking machine Christopher and to demonstrate his genius to his team. This reflects his deeper need for recognition and validation of his unconventional methods and ideas.

External Goal: 8

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to successfully decode the enemy message and gain valuable intelligence for the war effort. This reflects the immediate challenge of breaking the enemy's code and contributing to the Allied victory.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The level of conflict is high in this scene, as the team faces the challenge of decrypting a crucial message under pressure. The stakes are significant, adding to the tension and drama.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the challenge of decoding the enemy message and the uncertainty of the machine's success creating suspense and conflict. The characters face obstacles that test their skills and teamwork.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in this scene, as the team works against time to decrypt a crucial message. The outcome will have significant implications, adding to the tension and urgency.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by advancing the decryption process and highlighting the team's progress and challenges. It sets the stage for future developments.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the uncertainty of whether the code-breaking machine will successfully decrypt the enemy message. The audience is kept guessing about the outcome.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is the tension between traditional code-breaking methods and Alan Turing's innovative approach using the machine Christopher. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs in the value of technology and automation in solving complex problems.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene evokes a range of emotions, including tension, hope, frustration, and vulnerability. The characters' struggles and determination resonate with the audience, enhancing the emotional impact.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue effectively conveys the characters' emotions, expertise, and the urgency of the decryption process. It enhances the tension and highlights the team's collaboration.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its fast-paced action, high stakes, and the audience's investment in the characters' success. The tension and suspense keep viewers on the edge of their seats.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by maintaining a sense of urgency and tension throughout. The rapid dialogue and action keep the audience engaged and invested in the outcome.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with clear scene headings, action lines, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 9

The scene follows the expected structure for a tense and suspenseful moment in a war drama, with clear action and dialogue driving the narrative forward.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension and urgency as Alan and his team rush to Hut 11, which is crucial for maintaining the narrative momentum. However, the dialogue could benefit from more distinct character voices to enhance individual personalities and relationships. For instance, Alan's commands are authoritative, but the responses from Hugh, John, and Peter could reflect their unique traits or emotional states more vividly.
  • The pacing is brisk, which suits the urgency of the moment, but it may come at the cost of clarity. The rapid-fire dialogue and actions could confuse the audience if they are not familiar with the technical aspects of the Enigma machine. Consider adding brief pauses or reactions to allow the audience to absorb the information without losing the scene's momentum.
  • The visual description of the machine's operation is compelling, but it could be enhanced by incorporating more sensory details. For example, describing the sounds of the machine in more vivid terms or the physical reactions of the characters (e.g., their expressions, body language) could deepen the emotional impact of the moment.
  • The scene ends abruptly with Alan scribbling down the letters, which creates a cliffhanger but may leave the audience wanting more context about the significance of the letters. A brief moment of reflection or a line of dialogue that hints at the implications of their success could provide a more satisfying conclusion to the scene.
Suggestions
  • Consider giving each character a unique way of expressing urgency or anxiety. For example, Joan could show her nervousness through fidgeting, while Hugh might express frustration through sarcasm.
  • Add a moment of hesitation or doubt among the team before they activate the machine. This could heighten the tension and make their eventual success feel more earned.
  • Incorporate more sensory details to enhance the atmosphere. Describe the sounds of the machine, the tension in the air, or the physical sensations the characters experience as they wait for the machine to process the message.
  • Include a line or two at the end of the scene that reflects on the significance of the letters they receive. This could be a moment of hope or concern that sets up the stakes for the next scene.



Scene 43 -  Breakthrough at Bletchley Park
INT. BLETCHLEY PARK - HUT 8 - CONTINUOUS

Where Alan takes a DUMMY ENIGMA MACHINE, turns the machine’s
rotors to the setting he wrote down (”EXBAO...”) —

ALAN TURING
Give me a fresh message. The last
one we intercepted.

Peter hands Alan one from a nearby folder —

— Alan starts typing one of today’s gibberish encrypted
messages into Enigma —

— As John TAKES DOWN the decoded German letters —

— Hugh looks at what John is writing and TRANSLATES the
German into English —

HUGH ALEXANDER
“KMS Jaguar... Is auf punkt — is
directed - 53 degrees, 24 minutes
north... And auf punkt 1 degree
west...”


HUGH ALEXANDER (CONT’D) ALAN TURING
“... Heil Hitler.” “... Heil Hitler.”
Alan and Hugh look at each other: Oh my god.

ALAN TURING
Turns out that’s the only German
you need to know to break Enigma.

The team EXPLODES WITH JOY.

LAUGHING, HOOTING, SCREAMING, JUMPING, HUGGING.

This is the happiest moment of their lives.

John even starts to TEAR UP, and TRIES TO HUG ALAN —

— Who just STANDS THERE, limp.

JOHN CAIRNCROSS
(re: Alan)
Not a hugger. Probably could have
guessed that.
Genres: ["Historical Drama","War"]

Summary In this pivotal scene at Bletchley Park during World War II, Alan Turing successfully decodes a German message using a dummy Enigma machine, revealing coordinates and the phrase 'Heil Hitler.' As John transcribes the letters and Hugh translates the message, the team shifts from tension to jubilation, celebrating their breakthrough in understanding the Enigma code. While the atmosphere is filled with joy and laughter, Alan remains emotionally detached, highlighting his reserved nature amidst the team's excitement.
Strengths
  • Authentic portrayal of emotions
  • Effective pacing and tension building
  • Significant plot advancement
Weaknesses
  • Limited exploration of individual character arcs
  • Dialogue could be more nuanced

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9.2

The scene is highly engaging, filled with emotional highs and tension. The breakthrough in decoding the Enigma message adds a significant layer of excitement and accomplishment to the narrative.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of breaking the Enigma code and the team's collective effort is compelling and drives the narrative forward. The scene effectively conveys the importance of this breakthrough.

Plot: 9

The plot significantly advances with the successful decoding of the Enigma message, marking a crucial turning point in the characters' mission. The scene adds depth and progress to the overall story.

Originality: 8

The scene offers a fresh perspective on the historical events at Bletchley Park, focusing on the personal and emotional aspects of the codebreakers' work. The dialogue feels authentic and the characters' actions are grounded in reality.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters' reactions and interactions in the scene are well-developed, showcasing their individual personalities and the dynamics within the team. The emotional depth adds richness to the characters.

Character Changes: 8

The characters experience a significant shift in their emotions and outlook following the breakthrough, deepening their bonds and sense of achievement.

Internal Goal: 9

Alan Turing's internal goal is to prove his worth and intelligence by successfully decoding the German messages. This reflects his desire for recognition and validation in a field where he is often misunderstood.

External Goal: 8

The protagonist's external goal is to break the Enigma code and contribute to the war effort. This reflects the immediate challenge they are facing in decoding the messages.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

While there is tension in the scene regarding the success of decoding the message, the overall conflict is resolved with the breakthrough, leading to a sense of relief and accomplishment.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene comes from the challenges of decoding the message and the ethical dilemmas faced by the characters, creating tension and uncertainty about the outcome.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high as the team's success in decoding the Enigma message could have far-reaching implications for the war effort. The breakthrough elevates the importance of their work.

Story Forward: 9

The scene propels the story forward by resolving a major obstacle and setting the stage for further developments in the characters' mission. It marks a crucial progression in the narrative.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because it introduces a new challenge and ethical dilemma for the characters, adding complexity to the narrative and keeping the audience on their toes.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is the ethical dilemma of using the decoded information to potentially change the course of the war. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs about the consequences of their actions and the greater good.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions of joy, relief, and triumph, resonating with the audience and highlighting the characters' journey and dedication.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue effectively conveys the team's excitement and relief, as well as the significance of the decoded message. It enhances the emotional impact of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it combines technical details with emotional moments, creating a sense of suspense and excitement as the team works to decode the message.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is well-balanced, with a mix of action and dialogue that keeps the audience engaged and invested in the characters' journey.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of the scene is well-executed, with clear action lines and dialogue that enhance the pacing and rhythm of the scene.

Structure: 9

The scene follows a clear structure with a buildup of tension and a satisfying resolution, capturing the intensity and excitement of the codebreaking process.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures a pivotal moment of triumph for Alan Turing and his team, showcasing their breakthrough in decoding the Enigma messages. The use of dialogue to convey the excitement and urgency of the moment is well executed, particularly with the repetition of 'Heil Hitler' which emphasizes the gravity of their discovery.
  • The contrast between the team's exuberance and Alan's emotional reserve is a strong character moment. It highlights Alan's struggle with social interactions and emotional expression, which is consistent with his characterization throughout the screenplay. However, this could be further emphasized by adding a brief internal monologue or visual cue that illustrates Alan's feelings during this moment of celebration.
  • The pacing of the scene is brisk, which suits the excitement of the breakthrough. However, it might benefit from a moment of pause before the explosion of joy, allowing the audience to fully absorb the significance of the decoded message. This could enhance the emotional impact of the celebration.
  • The dialogue is functional but could be enriched with more subtext or humor to reflect the camaraderie among the team. For instance, adding a playful exchange or banter during the decoding process could further develop their relationships and provide a lighter contrast to the serious nature of their work.
  • The visual description of the team's reaction is vivid and engaging, but it could be enhanced by including specific actions or expressions that reflect their individual personalities. For example, showing how each character uniquely expresses their joy could add depth to the scene.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment of silence or tension after the decoding before the celebration begins. This could heighten the emotional stakes and allow the audience to fully grasp the significance of the breakthrough.
  • Incorporate a line or two of playful banter among the team members as they decode the message, which could serve to lighten the mood and showcase their camaraderie.
  • Explore Alan's internal conflict further by including a visual cue or a brief internal thought that reflects his feelings about the celebration and his discomfort with physical affection.
  • Enhance the individual character reactions during the celebration to showcase their distinct personalities. For example, John could have a more exaggerated reaction, while Hugh might express his joy in a more reserved manner.
  • Consider using a visual motif or sound cue that signifies the importance of the moment, such as a close-up of the decoded message or the sound of the machine, to create a more immersive experience for the audience.



Scene 44 -  The Cost of Knowledge
EXT. BLETCHLEY PARK - DAWN

Dawn rises over Bletchley Park.


INT. BLETCHLEY PARK - HUT 8 - DAWN

The team has been there working all through the night.

There’s a flurry of activity: Decoding messages, translating
the decrypts, reading the information contained within.

Hugh steps back for a moment to look at the product of their
work: A BIG MAP ON THE WALL.

ON THE MAP: It’s the Atlantic Ocean. Blue pins represent the
Allied ships, red ones represent the Axis ships.

HUGH ALEXANDER
You did it.
(turns to Alan)
Bloody hell, you did it. You just
defeated Nazism with a crossword
puzzle. What does it feel like to
do the impossible?

ON ALAN’S FACE: He’s not sure. Something is bothering him,
but he can’t figure out what.

John steps back from his work to join Hugh.


JOHN CAIRNCROSS
There are five people in the world
who know the position of every ship
in the Atlantic. They are all in
this room.

Now Joan joins Hugh and John in seeing the full map for the
first time.

JOAN CLARKE
Oh my good God.

HUGH ALEXANDER
I don’t think even He has the power
that we do right now.

JOAN CLARKE
(getting closer to map)
There’s going to be an attack on a
British passenger convoy. There.

JOHN CAIRNCROSS
You’re right. Those U-Boats are
only twenty or thirty minutes away.

JOAN CLARKE
Civilians. Hundreds of them. We can
save their lives.

JOHN CAIRNCROSS
And knock out a whole German fleet
in the process.

HUGH ALEXANDER
I’ll call Denniston. Have him radio
his Admirals immediately.

Hugh picks up the phone —

ALAN TURING
(figuring something out)
No.

JOAN CLARKE
Is there enough time to save them?

JOHN CAIRNCROSS
Should be. If we can get a message
to the passenger convoy, she can
turn —

Hugh DIALS —


ALAN TURING
(louder)
No. No.

HUGH ALEXANDER
(into phone)
— Commander Denniston’s office —

ALAN TURING
NO.

HUGH ALEXANDER
(into phone)
— This is urgent, top priority —

ALAN TURING
NO!!!

Alan LEAPS ACROSS THE ROOM and GRABS THE PHONE FROM HUGH.

HUGH ALEXANDER
What the bloody hell?

Hugh tries to grab the phone back —

— But Alan pulls away sharply.

Everyone STOPS. Turns. Looks at Alan.

HUGH ALEXANDER (CONT’D)
Are you mad?

ALAN TURING
No. No. You can’t call Denniston.
You can’t tell him about the
attack.

JOAN CLARKE
Alan, are you all right? What’s
going on?

JOHN CAIRNCROSS
We can have air support over the
passenger convoy in ten minutes.

ALAN TURING
No. Let the U-Boats sink the
convoy.

JOHN CAIRNCROSS
Look, this has been a big day,
maybe you’re going through a bit of
shock —

HUGH ALEXANDER
— There’s no time for this.


Hugh tries to GRAB THE PHONE from Alan —

— but Alan PULLS it away and SMASHES THE PHONE AGAINST THE
GROUND.

JOAN CLARKE
Alan!

Hugh can’t take it anymore —

— He TAKES A SWING AT ALAN —

— Who CRUMPLES AT THE BLOW ON HIS JAW —

— Hugh stares down at Alan, who’s bleeding on the floor —

— Hugh WINDS UP FOR ANOTHER PUNCH —

— When Joan CATCHES HIS ARM mid-swing —

— Surprised, Hugh instinctively SWINGS AT HER —

— Smacking Joan hard across the face.

— He’s stunned by what he’s done as she responds by PUSHING
HIM INTO A TABLE —

— And Hugh falls to the floor, next to Alan.

Joan stands above them.

JOAN CLARKE (CONT’D)
(to Hugh)
If you hurt him, you will just
barely live to regret it.

Silence. Just the sounds of panting.

JOHN CAIRNCROSS
Everyone stop. Please. Calm down.

PETER HILTON
The attack is in minutes. We don’t
have time to calm down.

ALAN TURING
Do you know why people like
violence, Hugh? Because it feels
good.
(wipes blood from his
nose)
It would feel good to blow those U-
Boats out of the Atlantic. But
sometimes we can’t do what feels
good. We have to do what’s logical.


JOHN CAIRNCROSS
What’s logical?

ALAN TURING
The hardest time to lie is when the
other person is expecting to be
lied to.

JOAN CLARKE
(getting it)
Oh my God.

JOHN CAIRNCROSS
What?

ALAN TURING
If they’re waiting for a lie, you
can’t just give them one.

JOAN CLARKE
Oh my God. Damn it. Alan’s right.

PETER HILTON
What?!?

ALAN TURING
What will the Germans think if we
destroy those U-Boats?

PETER HILTON
Nothing. They’ll be dead.

JOHN CAIRNCROSS
(getting it)
No. No. You can’t be right.

PETER HILTON
Am I the only one who’s still not
getting this?

ALAN TURING
Suddenly our convoy veers off
course and a fleet of RAF bombers
magically descends on the location
of a pack of U-Boats? What will the
Germans think?

PETER HILTON
Hugh?

HUGH ALEXANDER
... The Germans will know we broke
Enigma.

JOAN CLARKE
They’ll put a halt on radio
communication by noon.
(MORE)

JOAN CLARKE (CONT'D)
And they’ll have the design of
Enigma changed by the weekend.

ALAN TURING
Two years of work. Everything we’ve
done here. It’ll all be for
nothing.

JOHN CAIRNCROSS
There are 500 people in that
convoy. Civilians. Women. Children.
We’re about to let them die.

ALAN TURING
Our job wasn’t to save one
passenger convoy. It was to win the
war.

HUGH ALEXANDER
Our job was to break Enigma.

ALAN TURING
Done. Now for the hard part:
keeping it a secret. Forever.

Peter looks at the map...

PETER HILTON
It’s the Carlisle.

They all look at him.

JOAN CLARKE
What?

PETER HILTON
The convoy you’re about to...
It’s... The HMS Carlisle is one of
the ships.

ALAN TURING
So?

PETER HILTON
We can’t act on every piece of
intelligence? Fine. We won’t. Just
this one. The Germans won’t find us
out if we stop one attack.

JOAN CLARKE
What’s gotten into you, Peter?

PETER HILTON
... My brother. Phillip. He’s on
the Carlisle. Gunnery ensign.


Silence. Fuck.

ALAN TURING
I’m sorry.

PETER HILTON
Who the hell do you think you are?
This is my brother. My big brother.
He was the only one — Look, he was
there after my mum — He’s my big
brother, alright, and you have a
few minutes to call off his murder.

ALAN TURING
It’s not my fault.

Peter DIVES for Alan —

— But John stops him.

JOHN CAIRNCROSS
Alan is right. We can’t.

PETER HILTON
AND WHY THE BLOODY HELL NOT? I am
begging you. Alan. Joan. Hugh.
John. Please. I am begging you.
Just this once. Just one time. The
Germans won’t get suspicious just
because we stopped one attack. It’s
one time. No one will know. I’m
asking you. As your friend. If I
mean anything to you. Please.

Silence. This is the hardest thing anyone in this room has
ever had to do.

ALAN TURING
I’m so sorry.

PETER HILTON
You’re not God, Alan. You don’t get
to decide who lives and who dies.

ALAN TURING
Yes, we do.

PETER HILTON
Why? Why?

ALAN TURING
Because no one else can.
Genres: ["Drama","Historical"]

Summary At dawn in Bletchley Park's Hut 8, the team faces a moral crisis as they decode messages revealing a British convoy's imminent danger from U-Boats. While Hugh Alexander celebrates their breakthrough, Alan Turing insists they cannot warn the convoy, fearing exposure of their code-breaking efforts. Tensions escalate into a physical confrontation, with Joan Clarke intervening. Peter Hilton's emotional plea to save his brother on the convoy heightens the stakes, but Alan remains resolute, prioritizing their strategic advantage over individual lives. The scene ends with unresolved tension as Alan emphasizes the difficult choices they must make.
Strengths
  • Intense emotional depth
  • Complex moral dilemma
  • Strong character dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Violent confrontation may be jarring for some viewers

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9.2

The scene is highly impactful, emotionally charged, and thought-provoking. It effectively conveys the weight of the characters' decisions and the consequences of their actions.


Story Content

Concept: 9.5

The concept of sacrificing lives to protect a vital secret is a gripping and morally complex dilemma that drives the scene's intensity and emotional impact.

Plot: 9

The plot of the scene revolves around a critical decision that challenges the characters' beliefs and values, driving the narrative forward and revealing the depth of their relationships.

Originality: 8

The scene presents a fresh approach to the wartime drama genre by focusing on the moral complexities of intelligence operations and the personal sacrifices required for victory. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds depth to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 9.3

The characters' conflicting motivations and emotional turmoil are portrayed with depth and authenticity, adding layers to their personalities and driving the scene's emotional resonance.

Character Changes: 9

The characters undergo significant emotional and moral changes during the scene, grappling with difficult choices and facing the consequences of their actions.

Internal Goal: 9

Alan Turing's internal goal is to make a difficult decision that challenges his moral compass and sense of duty. He struggles with the weight of responsibility and the consequences of his actions.

External Goal: 8

The protagonist's external goal is to decide whether to save a British passenger convoy from a German attack or maintain secrecy about their codebreaking efforts to win the war.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9.7

The conflict in the scene is intense and multi-layered, stemming from the characters' moral quandary and the high stakes involved, driving the emotional intensity of the moment.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting viewpoints and moral dilemmas creating obstacles for the characters. The audience is kept in suspense about the outcome of the characters' decisions.

High Stakes: 10

The stakes in the scene are incredibly high, involving the potential loss of innocent lives and the risk of exposing a crucial secret, adding urgency and tension to the moment.

Story Forward: 9

The scene propels the story forward by revealing the characters' moral complexities and the impact of their decisions on the narrative, setting the stage for future developments.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists and turns in the characters' decisions and actions. The audience is kept on edge by the shifting dynamics and moral dilemmas.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict is between the moral obligation to save lives and the strategic necessity to keep the codebreaking operation secret. It challenges the characters' beliefs about sacrifice, duty, and the greater good.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9.5

The scene evokes a strong emotional response from the audience, drawing them into the characters' internal struggles and the weight of their decisions.

Dialogue: 8.8

The dialogue effectively conveys the characters' internal struggles and the weight of their decisions, adding to the scene's tension and emotional impact.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its high emotional stakes, moral dilemmas, and intense character interactions. The audience is drawn into the ethical quandaries and suspenseful decision-making process.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is well-crafted, with a gradual build-up of tension and conflict leading to a climactic moment of decision-making. The rhythm of the dialogue and actions enhances the emotional impact of the scene.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene's formatting adheres to the expected format for a dramatic screenplay, with clear scene descriptions, character actions, and dialogue cues. The visual elements are well-defined and contribute to the overall impact of the scene.

Structure: 9

The scene follows a well-paced and structured format that builds tension and conflict effectively. The dialogue and actions flow naturally, leading to a climactic moment of decision-making.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension through the conflict between the urgency of saving lives and the strategic necessity of keeping their code-breaking efforts secret. This moral dilemma is compelling and resonates with the audience, highlighting the weight of their decisions.
  • Alan Turing's emotional detachment is well portrayed, contrasting with the heightened emotions of his colleagues. This dynamic adds depth to his character, showcasing his logical mindset in a situation that demands emotional responses.
  • The physical altercation between Hugh and Alan escalates the tension dramatically, but it may feel abrupt to some viewers. The transition from a heated discussion to violence could benefit from a more gradual build-up to enhance believability.
  • The dialogue is sharp and impactful, particularly Alan's lines about the implications of their actions. However, some lines could be streamlined for clarity and impact, ensuring that the audience remains engaged without losing the essence of the characters' emotions.
  • The pacing of the scene is generally effective, but the emotional weight of Peter's plea could be emphasized further. His personal stakes should resonate more deeply with the audience, potentially through a more intimate moment of reflection before he confronts Alan.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment of hesitation or reflection for Alan before he smashes the phone. This could heighten the emotional stakes and provide insight into his internal struggle.
  • Enhance Peter's emotional arc by including a brief flashback or memory that illustrates his bond with his brother, making his plea more poignant and relatable.
  • Explore the aftermath of the physical confrontation more thoroughly. Allow the characters a moment to process the violence, which could lead to deeper character development and a more profound impact on the audience.
  • Incorporate more visual elements that emphasize the chaos of the moment, such as close-ups of the map or the characters' expressions, to heighten the tension and urgency.
  • Consider revising some of the dialogue to make it more concise and impactful, ensuring that each line serves to advance the plot or deepen character relationships.



Scene 45 -  Secrecy Over Tea
INT. TRAIN - DAY

Alan and Joan ride the train from Bletchley into London.

They know what they have to do.


EXT. TRAIN STATION - DAY

Alan and Joan exit the train and walk down the platform.

INT. TEA SHOP - LONDON - DAY

In a quiet TEA SHOP, Alan, Joan, and Stewart Menzies sip
their Twinings. Outside the GLASS WINDOWS, NURSES help
WOUNDED SOLDIERS out of an AMBULANCE and into a local
HOSPITAL.

STEWART MENZIES
... Why are you telling me this?

ALAN TURING
We need your help to keep this from
the Admiralty. Army. RAF. No one
can know we broke Enigma, not even
Denniston.

STEWART MENZIES
Who is in the process of having you
fired.

JOAN CLARKE
You’ll take care of that.

ALAN TURING
While we develop a system for
determining how much intelligence
to act on. Which attacks to stop,
which to let through. Statistical
analysis. The minimum number of
actions it’ll take to win the war,
but the maximum number we’re able
to take before the Germans get
suspicious.

STEWART MENZIES
You’re going to trust this all to
statistics? To maths?

ALAN TURING
Correct.

JOAN CLARKE
And then MI-6 can come up with the
lies we’ll tell everyone else.


ALAN TURING
We’ll require a believable
alternate source for each piece of
information we use.

JOAN CLARKE
A false story that exlains how we
got that information, that has
nothing to do with Enigma. And then
you’ll need to leak those stories
to the Germans.

ALAN TURING
And the rest of our military.

JOAN CLARKE
Can you do that?
STEWART MENZIES
Maintain a conspiracy of lies
through the highest levels of our
government? Yes, that sounds right
up my alley.

ON ALAN AND JOAN: Okay. Let’s do it.

STEWART MENZIES (CONT’D)
(smiling)
Alan, I so rarely have cause to say
this. But you are exactly the man I
always hoped you would be.


INT. TRAIN - DAY

Alan and Joan ride the train back to Bletchley.

She reaches out and puts her hand in his. They’re in this so
deep now... But at least they’re in it together.
Genres: ["Drama","Historical","War"]

Summary In a quiet tea shop in London, Alan Turing and Joan Clarke discuss the critical need to keep their success in breaking the Enigma code a secret from the military. Alan proposes using statistical analysis to guide their intelligence actions, while Joan suggests crafting believable false narratives. Despite initial skepticism, Stewart Menzies ultimately agrees to support their efforts, recognizing Alan's capabilities. The scene captures the tension of their covert mission against the backdrop of wartime chaos, ending with Alan and Joan returning to Bletchley, hand in hand, symbolizing their deepening bond.
Strengths
  • Sharp dialogue
  • Strategic planning elements
  • Character depth and determination
Weaknesses
  • Limited emotional depth
  • Lack of external conflict

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.7

The scene effectively conveys the high stakes and strategic thinking required in wartime intelligence operations. The dialogue is sharp and purposeful, driving the plot forward while revealing the characters' depth and determination.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of maintaining a conspiracy of lies to protect the Enigma breakthrough is compelling and central to the wartime intelligence theme of the screenplay. It adds layers of complexity and intrigue to the narrative.

Plot: 8.6

The plot of the scene is crucial in advancing the story by introducing the strategic planning aspect of maintaining secrecy and deception. It raises the stakes and sets the stage for future developments.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh perspective on wartime espionage and code-breaking, with a focus on the ethical dilemmas and strategic challenges faced by the characters. The authenticity of the dialogue and character interactions adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8.8

The characters are well-developed in this scene, showcasing their determination, intelligence, and collaborative spirit. Their interactions reveal their depth and the challenges they face in wartime intelligence operations.

Character Changes: 8

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, it deepens the audience's understanding of the characters' motivations, values, and the challenges they face in wartime intelligence operations.

Internal Goal: 9

The protagonist's internal goal is to maintain the secrecy of their breakthrough in breaking the Enigma code and to develop a system for determining intelligence actions. This reflects their deeper need for recognition, validation, and the desire to contribute significantly to the war effort.

External Goal: 8

The protagonist's external goal is to convince Stewart Menzies to help them maintain the secrecy of their code-breaking efforts and to develop a system for intelligence actions. This reflects the immediate challenge of facing potential exposure and the need for support from higher authorities.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8.5

The conflict in the scene is primarily internal, focusing on the characters' struggle to maintain secrecy and deceive both the enemy and their own military. The tension arises from the high stakes involved.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with characters facing internal and external challenges that test their beliefs, values, and loyalties. The uncertainty of the outcome adds to the suspense and drama of the scene.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in this scene as the characters must navigate the complexities of maintaining a conspiracy of lies to protect the Enigma breakthrough. The outcome will have significant implications for the war effort.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by introducing the strategic planning aspect of maintaining secrecy and deception. It sets up future developments and raises the stakes for the characters.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the shifting alliances, moral dilemmas, and unexpected twists in the characters' plans. The audience is kept on edge by the uncertainty of the characters' actions and decisions.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the use of statistics and mathematics in decision-making during wartime. Stewart Menzies questions the reliance on numbers over traditional intelligence methods, challenging the protagonist's beliefs in the effectiveness of statistical analysis.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.6

The scene has a moderate emotional impact, primarily driven by the characters' determination and the weight of the decisions they must make. The sense of duty and sacrifice adds depth to the emotional resonance.

Dialogue: 8.9

The dialogue is sharp, strategic, and purposeful, reflecting the characters' intelligence and determination. It drives the scene forward while revealing the complexities of maintaining a conspiracy of lies.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the high stakes, complex character dynamics, and strategic plotting. The tension and suspense keep the audience invested in the outcome of the characters' mission.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a balance of dialogue, action, and exposition. The rhythm of the scene builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the characters' journey.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of the scene adheres to the conventions of the genre, with proper scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting. The clarity of the formatting contributes to the scene's effectiveness.

Structure: 9

The scene follows the expected structure for a historical drama, with clear transitions between locations and well-paced dialogue sequences. The formatting enhances the readability and flow of the scene.


Critique
  • The scene effectively transitions from the previous high-stakes moment, maintaining the tension while introducing a new layer of complexity regarding the secrecy of their operations. However, the dialogue could benefit from more emotional weight. The stakes are high, yet the characters' interactions feel somewhat clinical and procedural, which may detract from the urgency of their mission.
  • The setting in the tea shop is a nice contrast to the chaos outside, symbolizing a moment of calm amidst the storm. However, the description of the wounded soldiers being helped out of the ambulance could be more vividly integrated into the dialogue. This juxtaposition could enhance the emotional impact of their conversation about the war and the lives at stake.
  • Stewart Menzies' character comes off as somewhat one-dimensional in this scene. While he is skeptical, his motivations and the weight of his decisions could be explored further. Adding a line or two that reflects his internal conflict about the moral implications of their plan could deepen his character and make the stakes feel more personal.
  • The dialogue is informative but lacks subtext. For instance, when Alan and Joan discuss the need for believable false narratives, it could be enriched with a sense of dread or moral conflict about lying to their own military. This would add depth to their characters and highlight the ethical dilemmas they face.
  • The final lines, where Menzies praises Alan, feel somewhat abrupt. While it serves to show Menzies' approval, it could be more impactful if it reflected a deeper understanding of Alan's character or the gravity of their situation. A more nuanced acknowledgment of Alan's brilliance, perhaps with a hint of concern for the consequences, would resonate better.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more emotional stakes to the dialogue. Allow the characters to express their fears or doubts about the plan, which would create a more engaging and relatable scene.
  • Integrate the imagery of the wounded soldiers more effectively into the dialogue. Perhaps have Alan or Joan comment on the cost of war, linking it to their discussion about the importance of secrecy and the lives at stake.
  • Develop Stewart Menzies' character further by including lines that reveal his internal struggle with the moral implications of their conspiracy. This could make his eventual agreement to the plan feel more earned and complex.
  • Infuse the dialogue with subtext that reflects the characters' emotional states. For example, when discussing the need for lies, have Alan or Joan express their discomfort with deception, which would highlight the ethical dilemmas they face.
  • Revise the final exchange between Menzies and Alan to include a more nuanced acknowledgment of Alan's capabilities, perhaps hinting at the potential fallout of their actions. This would add depth to their relationship and the scene's conclusion.



Scene 46 -  Dawn at Bletchley Park: The Ultra Codebreakers
EXT. BLETCHLEY PARK - LAWNS - SEQUENCE

At 6am, dawn is threatening to break across the Park.

ALAN TURING (V.O.)
They codenamed it “Ultra.”


INT. BLETCHLEY PARK - WREN’S HUT - SEQUENCE

But in the WREN’S HUT, the women eagerly await the coming of
the day’s first messages —


— And a sudden BEEP BEEP BEEP announces that they have. The
WRENs quickly take down the first messages —

ALAN TURING (V.O.)
And it quickly became the largest
store of military intelligence in
the history of the world.

A WREN removes the first few dozen from a pile —

— And hands it over to another WREN —


INT. BLETCHLEY PARK - HUT 11 - SEQUENCE

— In Hut 11, the WREN gives the day’s first messages to Hugh,
who enters them into Christopher —

ALAN TURING (V.O.)
It was like having a tap on
Himmler’s intercom.

— Christopher HUMS —

— And Hugh, after a few minutes, reads the day’s Enigma
settings on the machine’s read-out: “FSOQR”
Genres: ["Historical Drama","War"]

Summary As dawn breaks at Bletchley Park, Alan Turing's voiceover introduces the codename 'Ultra.' The WRENs eagerly await the first messages of the day, quickly taking down and passing them along. In Hut 11, Hugh inputs the messages into the machine named Christopher, highlighting the critical nature of the intelligence being gathered. Turing emphasizes the importance of this information, likening it to having access to Himmler's intercom. The scene concludes with Hugh reading the day's Enigma settings, marking the beginning of their vital work.
Strengths
  • Historical accuracy
  • Tension-building
  • Character dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Limited character development in this specific scene

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively captures the tension and excitement of decoding Enigma messages, with a strong focus on the historical significance of the moment. The pacing and structure are well-designed, leading to a compelling narrative.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of decoding Enigma messages and the strategic implications of the intelligence gathered are central to the scene, providing a compelling backdrop for the characters' actions and decisions.

Plot: 8.5

The plot of the scene revolves around the decoding of Enigma messages and the moral dilemma faced by the characters, driving the narrative forward with high stakes and emotional intensity.

Originality: 9

The scene showcases a fresh approach to the historical setting of Bletchley Park, highlighting the lesser-known contributions of women code-breakers and the technological innovations of the Enigma machine. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds depth to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters in the scene are driven by their dedication to the mission and the ethical challenges they encounter, showcasing their depth and complexity in the face of wartime pressures.

Character Changes: 7

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the moral dilemmas and challenges faced by the characters contribute to their development and growth over the course of the story.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to successfully decode the day's Enigma settings and contribute to the intelligence gathering efforts. This reflects their desire to make a meaningful impact on the war and showcase their skills in code-breaking.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to efficiently process the day's messages and ensure the Enigma machine is functioning properly. This reflects the immediate challenge of decoding enemy communications and maintaining operational security.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict in the scene arises from the moral dilemma faced by the characters regarding whether to act on the decoded intelligence, adding tension and complexity to the narrative.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the characters facing challenges in decoding the day's messages and maintaining operational security. The audience is unsure of the outcome, adding to the suspense and tension of the scene.

High Stakes: 9

The high stakes in the scene, including the potential impact on the war effort and the characters' personal relationships, heighten the tension and drama, adding depth to the narrative.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by showcasing the breakthrough in decoding Enigma messages and the subsequent ethical debates that will shape the characters' decisions and actions.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected challenges and obstacles the characters face in decoding the day's messages and maintaining operational security. The audience is kept on edge as they await the outcome of the Enigma settings.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the ethical implications of intelligence gathering and the balance between national security and personal privacy. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs about the greater good and the sacrifices required for victory.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a strong emotional response from the audience, blending excitement with moral quandaries and the characters' personal struggles, creating a compelling and immersive experience.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the urgency and tension of the decryption process, as well as the moral debates among the characters, adding depth to their interactions.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its blend of historical detail, character dynamics, and dramatic tension. The high-stakes environment of Bletchley Park and the urgency of the characters' mission keep the audience invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by maintaining a sense of urgency and tension throughout. The rhythm of the dialogue and action sequences keeps the audience engaged and invested in the characters' mission.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with clear scene headings, character actions, and dialogue. The formatting enhances the readability and flow of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a historical drama, with a clear progression of events and a focus on the characters' actions and dialogue. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the effectiveness of the scene.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the anticipation and urgency of the code-breaking process at Bletchley Park, using Alan Turing's voiceover to provide context and significance to the events unfolding. However, the transition between the WREN's Hut and Hut 11 could be smoother to maintain the flow of the narrative.
  • The use of the beep sound as a signal for the arrival of messages is a strong auditory cue that heightens the tension and excitement. However, the scene could benefit from more visual descriptions of the WRENs' reactions to the messages, which would help convey their emotional investment and the stakes involved.
  • Alan's voiceover is informative but could be more impactful if it included a personal reflection or insight that connects his character to the significance of 'Ultra.' This would deepen the audience's understanding of his emotional state and the weight of the intelligence being gathered.
  • The phrase 'It was like having a tap on Himmler’s intercom' is a powerful metaphor, but it might be more effective if it were integrated into a moment of dialogue or a discussion among the characters rather than solely as a voiceover. This would allow for character interaction and enhance the dramatic tension.
  • The scene concludes rather abruptly after revealing the Enigma settings. A brief moment of celebration or acknowledgment among the characters could provide a more satisfying emotional payoff, emphasizing the teamwork and camaraderie that is essential to their success.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment of dialogue or interaction among the WRENs as they receive the messages, showcasing their excitement and the camaraderie that exists in the team. This would help to humanize the characters and make the scene more engaging.
  • Incorporate more sensory details to enhance the atmosphere of the scene. Describe the sounds, sights, and even the smells of Bletchley Park at dawn to immerse the audience in the setting.
  • Explore the emotional weight of the intelligence being gathered by having Alan reflect on the implications of 'Ultra' in a more personal way, perhaps by connecting it to the sacrifices made by those fighting in the war.
  • Consider rephrasing the voiceover to include a more personal touch, such as Alan's thoughts on the responsibility that comes with such intelligence, which would add depth to his character.
  • Add a moment of celebration or relief among the characters after the Enigma settings are revealed, reinforcing the theme of teamwork and the emotional stakes of their work.



Scene 47 -  Betrayal in Hut 8
INT. BLETCHLEY PARK - HUT 8 - DAY

Jack turns his Enigma machine to the day’s setting — “FSOQR”
— and one by one types in the newly intercepted messages,
recording the now decrypted results in a BOOKLET. On the
cover, the booklet is marked: “ULTRA.”

ALAN TURING (V.O.)
Secrecy became the primary concern.
And for some reason they trusted
me.

Alan organizes stacks of similar ULTRA booklets when he has
trouble finding one of them — He looks up to see Peter
walking nearby.

ALAN TURING
Peter, do you have the 9:30
decrypts —

But instead of answering, Peter BUMPS HARD against Alan’s
shoulder, scattering Alan’s papers to the floor.

Jack looks over. Peter keeps on walking.

No one helps Alan as he bends down to clean up his papers.
Peter LEAVES Hut 8 without speaking a single word.


ON ALAN: He’s kneeling down in front of John’s MESSY DESK,
picking up papers from the floor, when his eyes come level
with something on the desk...

... It’s a BOOK. Buried underneath CRYPTOGRAPHIC PAPERS.

Alan stares at it strangely. Something about its shape and
colour look familiar... He UNCOVERS it...

IT’S A BIBLE.

Holy shit.

There’s a page dog-eared. Alan opens to the page — it’s
Matthew 7:7. “Seek and ye shall find...”

ON ALAN: JOHN CAIRNCROSS IS THE SOVIET SPY.

Suddenly:

JOHN CAIRNCROSS (O.S.)
Peter will come around eventually.

Alan turns and stands — there’s John, right behind him.

ON JOHN: He sees something on Alan’s face. Something is
wrong. He looks down at the desk... AND SEES THE UNCOVERED
BIBLE.

What’s John going to do? Alan is terrified...

JOHN CAIRNCROSS (CONT’D)
... Jack, could you give Alan and I
a moment?

Across the room, Jack looks over. Whatever is going on
between Alan and John, he wants no part of it.

Jack leaves.

Alan is now alone with John, the Soviet spy.

JOHN CAIRNCROSS (CONT’D)
... The Soviets and us, we’re all
on the same side. What I’m doing
will help Britain.

ALAN TURING
I’ll tell Denniston.

JOHN CAIRNCROSS
No you won’t. Because if you tell
him my secret, I’ll tell him yours.


ON ALAN: Oh God, John was the one person he trusted.

JOHN CAIRNCROSS (CONT’D)
Do you know what they do to
homosexuals? You’ll never be able
to work again. Never be able to
teach. Your precious machine —
doubt you’ll ever see him again.

ON ALAN: Looks down. He’s beaten.

He puts an understanding hand on Alan’s shoulder.

JOHN CAIRNCROSS (CONT’D)
Until the history books are ready
to call you a hero, sometimes you
have to play the villain.

And with that, John takes his bible and leaves.

ON ALAN: What’s he going to do?
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In Hut 8 at Bletchley Park, Alan Turing discovers that John Cairncross is a Soviet spy after finding a hidden Bible among cryptographic papers. John confronts Alan, threatening to expose his own secret if he informs Denniston about John's espionage. The scene is filled with tension as Alan grapples with feelings of betrayal and moral dilemma, ultimately left in uncertainty as John manipulates him into silence.
Strengths
  • Intense emotional impact
  • Strong character development
  • Compelling conflict resolution
Weaknesses
  • Lack of resolution in the scene
  • Limited interaction with other characters

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene is well-crafted, with a strong focus on character development, tension, and emotional impact. The revelation of John Cairncross as a Soviet spy adds a layer of complexity to the story and sets up future conflicts effectively.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of betrayal and moral dilemma is central to the scene, adding depth to the characters and driving the narrative forward. The revelation of John Cairncross as a spy introduces a new layer of intrigue and conflict.

Plot: 8.5

The plot advances significantly in this scene, with the revelation of John's betrayal creating a major turning point in the story. The conflict introduced here has far-reaching consequences for the characters and sets up future events.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on the spy genre by focusing on the internal struggles of the characters and the ethical dilemmas they face. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters, especially Alan Turing and John Cairncross, are well-developed in this scene. Their motivations, fears, and vulnerabilities are explored, adding complexity to their relationship and driving the emotional impact of the scene.

Character Changes: 8

The scene marks a significant change in Alan Turing's perception of John Cairncross, leading to a loss of trust and a shift in their relationship dynamics. This betrayal has a profound impact on Alan's character and future actions.

Internal Goal: 8

Alan Turing's internal goal in this scene is to maintain his trust in his colleagues and protect his own secrets. This reflects his deeper need for acceptance and security.

External Goal: 7.5

Alan's external goal is to uncover the identity of the Soviet spy in their midst and protect the integrity of their codebreaking operation.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is intense and emotionally charged, with the revelation of John's betrayal creating a significant rift between the characters. The stakes are high, leading to a sense of urgency and tension.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with a difficult moral choice facing the protagonist and an uncertain outcome.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in this scene, as the revelation of John's betrayal puts Alan's career, personal life, and the security of Bletchley Park at risk. The characters face difficult choices with far-reaching consequences.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward significantly by introducing a major conflict and revealing crucial information about the characters. The betrayal of John Cairncross sets the stage for future developments and adds complexity to the narrative.

Unpredictability: 8.5

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected betrayal and moral dilemma faced by the protagonist.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between loyalty to one's country and personal integrity. John justifies his actions as being for the greater good, while Alan struggles with the moral implications of betrayal.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, as the betrayal and moral dilemma faced by Alan Turing evoke feelings of anxiety, fear, and resignation. The audience is deeply engaged in the characters' struggles and conflicts.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue effectively conveys the tension and emotional turmoil between Alan and John. The exchanges are impactful and reveal important aspects of the characters' personalities and motivations.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its high stakes, emotional intensity, and moral complexity.

Pacing: 8.5

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged throughout.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and easy to follow, with effective use of scene descriptions and character actions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a dramatic confrontation, with a clear buildup of tension and resolution.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension by revealing Alan's discovery of the Bible and the implications it has for his trust in John. The juxtaposition of Alan's emotional turmoil with the physical act of picking up papers creates a strong visual metaphor for his precarious situation.
  • John Cairncross's character is well-developed in this scene, showcasing his manipulative nature and the moral ambiguity of his actions. His justification for espionage adds depth to the conflict, making the audience question the ethics of loyalty and betrayal during wartime.
  • The dialogue is sharp and impactful, particularly John's threat to expose Alan's homosexuality. This moment not only raises the stakes for Alan but also highlights the societal pressures and dangers faced by LGBTQ individuals during this period, adding a layer of historical context.
  • The pacing of the scene is effective, with the tension gradually building as Alan uncovers the Bible and confronts John. However, the transition from the discovery to the confrontation could be smoother to maintain the flow of suspense.
  • The use of Alan's voiceover at the beginning sets the tone for the scene, but it could be more integrated into the action. Instead of a general statement about secrecy, a more personal reflection on Alan's feelings of betrayal or fear could enhance the emotional weight.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment of internal conflict for Alan before he confronts John, perhaps through a flashback or a quick montage of his memories with John, to deepen the emotional stakes.
  • Enhance the visual storytelling by incorporating more sensory details, such as the atmosphere in Hut 8, the sounds of the Enigma machine, or the tension in the air, to immerse the audience further in the scene.
  • Explore the possibility of having Alan's reaction to John's threat be more visceral. Instead of just looking down, perhaps he could physically recoil or show signs of panic, emphasizing the gravity of the situation.
  • Revise the dialogue to make it more natural and reflective of the characters' personalities. For instance, John could use more persuasive language to manipulate Alan, while Alan's responses could reveal his internal struggle more explicitly.
  • Consider ending the scene with a stronger visual or emotional hook, such as a close-up of Alan's face showing his resolve or despair, to leave the audience with a lasting impression of his dilemma.



Scene 48 -  Fractured Trust
INT. BLETCHLEY PARK - CENTRAL MANSION - DAY

Alan borrows a phone in the central mansion.

ALAN TURING
(into phone)
I need to speak to Menzies...

... But frustrated by the response he hears, Alan HANGS UP.


INT. BLETCHLEY PARK - JOAN’S FLAT - DAY

Alan bursts into Joan’s flat to tell her what he’s found.

ALAN TURING
Joan! Joan! Are you there?

It’s dark. He FLICKS ON THE LIGHT...

REVEAL: The room has been ransacked.

Clothes, books, papers scattered everywhere.

ALAN TURING (CONT’D)
— Joan?!?

He quickly moves through the flat: What happened here?

ALAN TURING (CONT’D)
Joan, are you okay? Where are you?


Runs to the back bedroom, where he finds...

... Stewart Menzies. Calmly looking over some papers.

ALAN TURING (CONT’D)
Where’s Joan?

STEWART MENZIES
Military prison.

ALAN TURING
What have you done?

STEWART MENZIES
(holding up papers)
Decoded Enigma intercepts. A stack
of them under her nightstand.

ON ALAN: Fuck.

ALAN TURING
I gave those to her. A year ago.
When she was with the clerks I was—

STEWART MENZIES
— Yes yes yes, I’m sure. But
Denniston has been looking for a
Soviet spy, and he’s been looking
for one inside Hut 8.

ALAN TURING
I know who the Soviet agent is.
It’s not Joan.

Menzies looks at Alan: Who is it if not her?

ALAN TURING (CONT’D)
... I found the bible... The spy is
John Cairncross.

Menzies SMILES. As if he’s impressed.

STEWART MENZIES
... God, how I wish you’d been the
spy. You’re so much better at this
than he is.

ALAN TURING
You knew Cairncross was the spy?

STEWART MENZIES
Well of course Cairncross was the
bloody spy.
(MORE)

STEWART MENZIES (CONT'D)
I’ve known that since before he got
to Bletchley. Why do you think I
had him placed here?

QUICK CUT TO:
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In a tense scene at Joan's ransacked flat, Alan Turing frantically searches for Joan, only to discover Stewart Menzies calmly reviewing papers. Menzies reveals that Joan is in military prison due to sensitive information found in her possession, leaving Alan devastated as he realizes his inadvertent role in her predicament. He insists Joan is innocent and identifies John Cairncross as the real spy, a fact Menzies confirms he has known all along, deepening Alan's sense of betrayal and urgency.
Strengths
  • Revealing plot twist
  • Tense atmosphere
  • Sharp dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Sudden introduction of espionage subplot

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene is well-crafted, with a high level of tension and intrigue due to the shocking revelations about espionage and betrayal. The dialogue is sharp and impactful, driving the plot forward and deepening the conflict.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of espionage and betrayal adds depth to the narrative, creating a sense of intrigue and raising the stakes for the characters. The scene effectively explores themes of trust and deception.

Plot: 9

The plot takes a significant turn with the revelation of espionage and betrayal, driving the story in a new direction and setting up future conflicts and resolutions. The scene is pivotal in advancing the overall narrative.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on the spy genre by focusing on the personal relationships and ethical dilemmas of intelligence work. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and add depth to the story.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-developed and their relationships are tested by the shocking revelations. The scene provides insight into their motivations and challenges their loyalties.

Character Changes: 8

The characters undergo significant changes as their loyalties and beliefs are tested by the revelations of espionage and betrayal. Their relationships are reshaped, leading to new dynamics and conflicts.

Internal Goal: 9

Alan Turing's internal goal is to protect Joan and clear her name of suspicion. This reflects his deeper desire for justice and loyalty to those he cares about.

External Goal: 8

Alan Turing's external goal is to uncover the true Soviet spy at Bletchley Park and prevent further harm to his colleagues and the war effort.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is intense and multi-layered, with characters facing moral dilemmas and personal betrayals. The revelation of espionage raises the stakes and deepens the tension.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting goals and hidden agendas creating obstacles for the protagonist. The audience is kept guessing about the characters' true motivations and loyalties.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in the scene, with characters facing personal and professional consequences as a result of the espionage revelations. The tension and conflict are heightened by the risks involved.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by introducing a major plot twist that reshapes the narrative and sets up future conflicts and resolutions. The revelations of espionage add layers of complexity to the overall plot.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists and revelations that challenge the characters' beliefs and actions. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of how the situation will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict revolves around the morality of espionage and the sacrifices made in the name of national security. Alan's belief in loyalty clashes with the necessity of uncovering traitors for the greater good.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene has a strong emotional impact, eliciting shock, suspense, and intrigue from the audience. The characters' reactions to the revelations add depth and complexity to the story.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is sharp, revealing, and impactful, conveying the tension and conflict between the characters. It effectively conveys the emotional weight of the revelations.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its high stakes, emotional intensity, and rapid plot developments. The audience is drawn into the characters' conflicts and motivations, keeping them invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a balance of tension-building moments and character interactions that maintain momentum and drive the story forward. The rhythm of the scene enhances its effectiveness.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene adheres to the expected format for a dramatic thriller, with concise action lines and impactful dialogue. The formatting enhances the pacing and readability of the scene.

Structure: 9

The scene follows a clear structure with well-defined character arcs and plot progression. It maintains tension and suspense while advancing the narrative effectively.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension by placing Alan in a state of urgency and confusion upon discovering Joan's flat ransacked. This emotional weight is palpable and sets the stakes high for the audience, as they are invested in both Alan's and Joan's fates.
  • The dialogue between Alan and Menzies is sharp and reveals critical plot points, such as the discovery of Joan's involvement with the decoded Enigma intercepts. However, Menzies' calm demeanor contrasts sharply with Alan's frantic energy, which could be further emphasized to heighten the dramatic tension.
  • Menzies' character is portrayed as manipulative and calculating, which is effective. However, his motivations could be clearer. Why does he seem pleased with the situation? This could be explored further to add depth to his character and make his actions more understandable.
  • The reveal of John Cairncross as the spy is a strong twist, but it could benefit from a more gradual build-up. Perhaps foreshadowing Cairncross's betrayal earlier in the script would make this revelation more impactful.
  • The pacing of the scene is generally good, but the transition from Alan's frantic search to the calm conversation with Menzies feels abrupt. A moment of silence or a visual cue could help bridge this emotional shift.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment where Alan processes the chaos in Joan's flat before rushing to find Menzies. This could enhance the emotional impact of the scene and allow the audience to feel Alan's desperation more deeply.
  • Explore Menzies' motivations further. Adding a line or two that hints at his larger agenda could create a more complex antagonist and enrich the narrative.
  • Incorporate subtle foreshadowing of Cairncross's betrayal earlier in the screenplay, perhaps through small interactions or comments that hint at his duplicity, making the reveal more satisfying.
  • Enhance the contrast between Alan's frantic energy and Menzies' calm demeanor by using visual cues, such as close-ups on Alan's face to capture his anxiety and wider shots of Menzies to emphasize his control over the situation.
  • Consider ending the scene with a more dramatic line or action from Alan that underscores his determination to protect Joan, setting up the stakes for the next scene.



Scene 49 -  Trust and Betrayal at Bletchley Park
INT. BLETCHLEY PARK - HUT 8 - DAY - FLASHBACK

Flash to the first scene where Alan met his new team after
arriving at Bletchley. Commander Denniston explains how
Enigma works, while Menzies stands in the corner, observing.

Menzies keeps a special eye on Cairncross as Alan and Hugh
compete over who knows more about cryptography.

STEWART MENZIES (V.O.)
You said yourself he was a piss-
poor mathematician.

CUT BACK TO:


INT. BLETCHLEY PARK - JOAN’S FLAT - CONTINUED

ALAN TURING
You placed a Soviet agent at
Bletchley?

STEWART MENZIES
It’s quite useful to be able to
leak whatever we like to Stalin.

QUICK CUT TO:


EXT. BLETCHLEY PARK - MAIN GATE - DUSK - FLASHBACK

A year earlier, John Cairncross exits the Main Gate of
Bletchley carrying a SUITCASE —

STEWART MENZIES (V.O.)
Churchill is too damned paranoid.
He won’t share a shred of
intelligence with the Soviets.

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Historical Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In a flashback to Alan Turing's first day at Bletchley Park, Commander Denniston introduces the Enigma machine to the new team, while Menzies observes the dynamics, particularly focusing on John Cairncross. Alan and Hugh engage in a spirited debate about cryptography. The scene shifts to a conversation between Alan and Menzies in Joan's flat, where Alan discovers the presence of a Soviet agent at Bletchley, revealing Menzies' manipulative intentions regarding intelligence sharing. The tension escalates as Cairncross is seen leaving Bletchley with a suitcase, highlighting the themes of espionage and mistrust.
Strengths
  • Revealing plot twist
  • Tension and suspense
  • Character dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Limited exploration of the spy's motivations

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene is well-crafted, with a strong focus on revealing a crucial plot point while maintaining tension and suspense. The introduction of the Soviet spy adds depth to the story and raises the stakes significantly.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of introducing a Soviet spy within Bletchley Park adds complexity and intrigue to the narrative, setting up future conflicts and character dynamics.

Plot: 8.5

The plot is advanced significantly with the revelation of the Soviet spy, leading to heightened tension and conflict among the characters. The scene sets up future developments and raises the stakes for the story.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh perspective on the historical events at Bletchley Park, presenting a nuanced exploration of espionage and cryptography during World War II. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and contribute to the overall originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters' reactions to the revelation of the Soviet spy showcase their conflicting loyalties and moral dilemmas, adding depth to their personalities and relationships.

Character Changes: 7

The revelation of the Soviet spy prompts a shift in the characters' dynamics and relationships, leading to internal conflicts and moral dilemmas.

Internal Goal: 8

Alan Turing's internal goal in this scene is to prove his expertise in cryptography and assert his intelligence in front of his new team members. This reflects his deeper need for recognition and validation of his skills, as well as his fear of being underestimated or dismissed.

External Goal: 7

Alan Turing's external goal in this scene is to uncover the truth behind the Soviet agent at Bletchley and understand the implications of leaking information to Stalin. This reflects the immediate challenge of navigating the complex web of espionage and loyalty during wartime.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is intense, with the revelation of the Soviet spy creating a sense of urgency and danger for the characters. Loyalties are tested, leading to emotional and moral dilemmas.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting agendas, hidden motives, and ethical dilemmas creating obstacles for the protagonist and raising the stakes of the narrative.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in the scene, as the characters must navigate the presence of a Soviet spy within Bletchley Park, risking their lives and the success of their mission.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by introducing a major plot twist that will have lasting consequences for the characters and the narrative.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the shifting alliances, hidden agendas, and moral ambiguity of the characters, keeping the audience guessing about their true motivations and loyalties.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the ethical dilemma of sharing intelligence with the Soviets, highlighting the clash between national security interests and moral considerations. This challenges Alan Turing's beliefs about the importance of truth and transparency in intelligence operations.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene elicits strong emotions from the audience, as the characters grapple with the shocking revelation of a spy in their midst. The high stakes and moral dilemmas add depth to the emotional impact.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue effectively conveys the tension and shock of the situation, with characters expressing their disbelief and concern over the spy in their midst.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its blend of suspense, intrigue, and moral dilemmas, drawing the audience into the complex world of wartime intelligence operations.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a balance of exposition, dialogue, and action that maintains tension and momentum, driving the story forward effectively.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting adheres to the expected standards for a historical drama screenplay, with clear scene headings, concise descriptions, and effective use of flashback sequences.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a coherent structure that effectively transitions between flashbacks and present-day events, maintaining a clear focus on the central conflict and character dynamics.


Critique
  • The scene effectively uses flashbacks to create a layered narrative, connecting past events at Bletchley Park with the present tension between Alan and Menzies. However, the transitions between the flashbacks and the present could be smoother to maintain clarity for the audience.
  • The dialogue is impactful, particularly Menzies' revelation about the Soviet agent, which raises the stakes significantly. However, the line 'You placed a Soviet agent at Bletchley?' could be more emotionally charged to reflect Alan's desperation and betrayal. Consider adding a pause or a more visceral reaction from Alan to enhance the emotional weight.
  • The use of voiceover from Menzies adds depth to his character, but it may benefit from more context about his motivations. Why does he believe leaking information to Stalin is advantageous? Providing a hint of his rationale could make him a more complex antagonist.
  • The visual elements, such as the contrast between the dark, ransacked flat and the flashbacks to the bustling Bletchley Park, are effective in conveying the urgency of the situation. However, the scene could benefit from more sensory details to immerse the audience further, such as sounds of the park or the atmosphere in the flat.
  • The pacing of the scene feels slightly rushed, particularly in the transitions between flashbacks and present dialogue. Allowing for more breathing room between these moments could enhance the tension and give the audience time to absorb the implications of Menzies' revelations.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment of silence or a physical reaction from Alan after Menzies reveals the presence of a Soviet agent, to emphasize the emotional impact of the betrayal.
  • Enhance Menzies' motivations by including a line that hints at his strategic thinking regarding intelligence sharing, which could add depth to his character and make his actions more understandable.
  • Refine the transitions between the flashbacks and present scenes to ensure clarity. You might use visual cues or sound design to signal these shifts more clearly.
  • Incorporate more sensory details to create a richer atmosphere, such as the sounds of Bletchley Park or the oppressive silence in Joan's flat, to heighten the emotional stakes.
  • Allow for a slower pacing in the dialogue exchanges, particularly after significant revelations, to give the audience time to process the implications of the characters' words.



Scene 50 -  The Unwitting Courier
EXT. BLETCHLEY VILLAGE - STREET - NIGHT - FLASHBACK

Cairncross walks through the village with the suitcase —


STEWART MENZIES (V.O.)
Even information that will help
them against the Germans. So much
secrecy...

CUT TO:


EXT. BLETCHLEY VILLAGE - STREET - NIGHT - FLASHBACK

Cairncross comes to a MAILBOX, where under cover of night he
OPENS HIS CASE —

— Removing A FOLDER OF COPIED ENIGMA INTERCEPTS —

— Which he then places in the mailbox.

STEWART MENZIES (V.O.)
Cairncross has no idea we know, of
course. Really not the brightest
bulb.

Cairncross WALKS AWAY into the night.

After he leaves, two MI-6 AGENTS come and UNLOCK THE MAILBOX—

— Removing his FOLDER —

— The Agents take SOME MESSAGES OUT, and put other NEW ONES
BACK IN —

— Before re-sealing the folder and putting it back in the
mailbox —

— And RE-LOCKING the mailbox lid.

CUT BACK TO:
Genres: ["Historical Drama","Espionage","Thriller"]

Summary In a tense flashback scene set in Bletchley Village at night, Cairncross naively delivers a folder of copied Enigma intercepts to a mailbox, unaware of the espionage activities surrounding him. As he walks away, two MI-6 agents stealthily retrieve the folder and replace it with new messages, highlighting Cairncross's ignorance and the high stakes of his actions. The scene concludes with the agents sealing the mailbox, leaving Cairncross oblivious to the consequences of his actions.
Strengths
  • Intriguing plot development
  • Effective tension-building
  • Compelling character dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Limited character exploration
  • Slightly predictable reveal of the spy

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively builds tension and mystery through the actions of the spy, creating a sense of unease and anticipation for the audience.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of espionage and betrayal adds depth to the storyline, highlighting the complex dynamics at play within the intelligence community.

Plot: 8.5

The plot thickens with the revelation of the spy's actions, setting the stage for further intrigue and conflict within the narrative.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh perspective on espionage and betrayal, with complex characters and moral dilemmas that add depth to the story. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue enhances the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters' reactions to the spy's betrayal add depth to their personalities and motivations, enhancing the overall tension of the scene.

Character Changes: 7

The revelation of the spy's identity prompts a shift in the characters' relationships and motivations, setting the stage for further development.

Internal Goal: 8

Cairncross's internal goal in this scene is to maintain his facade of innocence and ignorance while secretly passing on valuable information to the MI-6 agents. This reflects his need to protect himself and his true intentions from being discovered.

External Goal: 7.5

Cairncross's external goal is to successfully deliver the copied Enigma intercepts to the MI-6 agents without being caught or suspected. This goal reflects the immediate challenge he faces in completing his mission undetected.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict between loyalty and betrayal drives the tension of the scene, adding layers of intrigue and suspense.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the MI-6 agents providing a challenging obstacle for Cairncross to overcome in completing his mission undetected.

High Stakes: 8

The high stakes of espionage and betrayal heighten the tension of the scene, adding a sense of urgency and danger to the characters' actions.

Story Forward: 9

The scene propels the narrative forward by introducing a new layer of intrigue and conflict, setting the stage for future developments.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists and turns in the characters' actions and the moral ambiguity of their choices.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the ethics of espionage and the moral ambiguity of betraying one's country for a greater cause. Cairncross's actions challenge traditional notions of loyalty and duty.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7.5

The scene evokes a sense of unease and suspense, keeping the audience emotionally invested in the characters' fates.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue effectively conveys the secrecy and tension of the situation, with subtle hints at the characters' true intentions.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its suspenseful atmosphere, moral dilemmas, and high stakes that keep the audience invested in the characters' actions and decisions.

Pacing: 8.5

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a balance of tension-building moments and character interactions that maintain the audience's interest and drive the story forward effectively.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene adheres to the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings, action lines, and dialogue that enhance readability and visual clarity.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear and coherent structure, with a well-defined setting, characters, and conflict that drive the narrative forward effectively.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension through the use of voiceover from Stewart Menzies, which adds a layer of intrigue and highlights the stakes involved in the espionage activities. However, the dialogue could be more impactful if it were integrated into the action rather than presented solely as a voiceover. This would allow for a more immersive experience for the audience.
  • The visual storytelling is strong, particularly in the contrast between Cairncross's obliviousness and the MI-6 agents' awareness. However, the scene could benefit from more descriptive action to enhance the suspense. For example, detailing Cairncross's demeanor as he approaches the mailbox could provide insight into his mindset and heighten the tension.
  • The pacing of the scene feels slightly rushed. While the quick cuts between Cairncross's actions and the MI-6 agents' response create a sense of urgency, it may leave the audience wanting more depth in the character's motivations. Expanding on Cairncross's internal conflict or fear could add emotional weight to the scene.
  • The use of the mailbox as a plot device is clever, but it could be more visually emphasized. Perhaps showing the mailbox in a more ominous light or incorporating sound design (like a creaking lid or the clinking of metal) could enhance the atmosphere and foreshadow the betrayal.
  • The scene ends abruptly after the agents replace the folder, which may leave the audience feeling unsatisfied. A stronger conclusion could involve a moment of reflection from the agents or a hint at the consequences of Cairncross's actions, reinforcing the theme of secrecy and betrayal.
Suggestions
  • Consider integrating Menzies' voiceover into the action by having him speak directly to another character or through a phone call, which would create a more dynamic interaction and enhance the tension.
  • Add more descriptive details about Cairncross's physicality and emotional state as he approaches the mailbox to deepen the audience's connection to his character and the stakes of his actions.
  • Slow down the pacing slightly to allow for more character development and internal conflict, giving the audience a chance to understand Cairncross's motivations and fears.
  • Enhance the visual elements of the mailbox scene by using lighting and sound design to create a more foreboding atmosphere, emphasizing the secrecy and danger of the exchange.
  • Consider adding a closing moment that reflects on the implications of Cairncross's actions, such as a brief exchange between the MI-6 agents that hints at the larger consequences of espionage and betrayal.



Scene 51 -  Coercion at Bletchley Park
INT. BLETCHLEY PARK - JOAN’S FLAT - CONTINUED

STEWART MENZIES
That’s why I’ll need your help now
to work out what to leak to John.
What to feed the Soviets, as well
as the British.

ON ALAN: Flustered. Terrified.

ALAN TURING
I’m not a spy. I’m just a
mathematician.


STEWART MENZIES
I know a lot of spies, Alan. You’re
holding on to more secrets than the
best of them.

Menzies holds up the stolen decrypts. The threat is palpable.

ALAN TURING
You must promise to get Joan out of
prison.

STEWART MENZIES
She’s at the market. She’ll be back
in an hour. I lied.
(puts the decrypts into
his pocket)
I’d better hold on to these. If
anyone finds out about them, prison
will be the least of her worries.

ON ALAN: What choice does he have? He looks down.

STEWART MENZIES (CONT’D)
Oh Alan. We’re going to have such a
wonderful war together.
Genres: ["Historical Drama","Espionage","War"]

Summary In a tense confrontation at Joan's flat, Stewart Menzies pressures Alan Turing to assist in espionage by threatening Joan's safety. Turing, terrified and desperate, insists he is merely a mathematician, but Menzies uses stolen decrypts as leverage, lying about Joan's whereabouts and implying dire consequences if Turing refuses. The scene culminates in Menzies ominously suggesting a collaborative future in the war, leaving Turing feeling trapped and resigned.
Strengths
  • Intense character dynamics
  • High emotional impact
  • Revealing crucial information
Weaknesses
  • Limited physical action
  • Reliance on dialogue for tension

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.7

The scene effectively builds tension and suspense through the interaction between Alan Turing and Stewart Menzies, highlighting the moral ambiguity and personal stakes involved in espionage.


Story Content

Concept: 8.6

The concept of espionage, betrayal, and moral dilemmas is central to the scene, driving the character interactions and plot development.

Plot: 8.7

The plot advances significantly in this scene, revealing crucial information about the characters' motivations and the unfolding espionage narrative.

Originality: 8

The scene presents a fresh take on the espionage genre by focusing on the moral implications of espionage and the internal conflict of the protagonist.


Character Development

Characters: 8.8

The characters are well-developed and their conflicting motivations drive the tension and emotional depth of the scene.

Character Changes: 9

The scene marks a significant shift in Alan's understanding of the espionage game and the consequences of his actions, leading to a change in his approach and mindset.

Internal Goal: 8

Alan Turing's internal goal is to protect Joan and navigate the dangerous world of espionage without compromising his principles as a mathematician.

External Goal: 7

Alan's external goal is to navigate the demands of espionage and protect Joan from harm.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between the characters, their moral dilemmas, and the high stakes of espionage create a tense and suspenseful atmosphere.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting goals and moral dilemmas that challenge the protagonist.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in the scene, with the characters' lives, secrets, and moral integrity on the line.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by revealing crucial information about the characters, their relationships, and the unfolding espionage plot.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the shifting power dynamics and moral choices faced by the protagonist.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between the necessity of espionage for the war effort and the moral implications of betraying trust and secrecy.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.9

The emotional impact of the scene is high, with fear, anxiety, and tension palpable throughout the interaction between Alan and Menzies.

Dialogue: 8.6

The dialogue effectively conveys the characters' emotions, motivations, and the high stakes of the situation.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its high stakes, moral dilemmas, and tense dialogue.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene builds tension effectively, with a gradual escalation of stakes and character dynamics.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for an intense dialogue-driven scene in a screenplay.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a tense espionage scene, with clear character motivations and escalating stakes.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension through the power dynamics between Alan Turing and Stewart Menzies. Menzies' calm demeanor contrasts sharply with Alan's flustered state, highlighting the stakes involved. However, the dialogue could be more nuanced to reflect the emotional weight of the situation. Alan's desperation for Joan's safety is clear, but his character could benefit from a more layered emotional response, perhaps showing a mix of anger, fear, and helplessness.
  • Menzies' manipulation of Alan is compelling, but the scene could delve deeper into Alan's internal conflict. While he insists he is 'just a mathematician,' this line feels somewhat flat. It would be more impactful if Alan expressed his disdain for the espionage world or his moral objections to Menzies' plans, reinforcing his character's integrity and the stakes of his situation.
  • The visual elements are strong, particularly the imagery of Menzies holding the stolen decrypts, which serves as a powerful symbol of control. However, the scene could benefit from more descriptive action beats that illustrate Alan's physical reactions to Menzies' threats. For example, showing Alan's body language—trembling hands, averted gaze, or clenched fists—could enhance the emotional intensity.
  • The line 'Oh Alan. We’re going to have such a wonderful war together.' is chilling and encapsulates Menzies' manipulative nature. However, it could be more effective if it were delivered with a more sinister undertone, perhaps with a slight smile or a change in tone that suggests Menzies takes pleasure in the situation. This would further emphasize his character as a calculating antagonist.
  • The pacing of the scene is generally good, but it could be tightened by reducing some of the dialogue. For instance, Menzies' explanation about needing Alan's help could be more concise, allowing for a quicker buildup to the emotional climax. This would maintain the urgency of the moment and keep the audience engaged.
Suggestions
  • Enhance Alan's emotional depth by incorporating more complex reactions to Menzies' threats, showcasing his internal struggle between self-preservation and loyalty to Joan.
  • Consider adding more physicality to Alan's character in this scene. Use body language to convey his fear and desperation, making his emotional state more palpable to the audience.
  • Revise Menzies' dialogue to include more sinister undertones, particularly in his final line, to reinforce his role as a manipulative antagonist.
  • Tighten the dialogue to maintain a brisk pace, focusing on the most impactful lines that convey the urgency and stakes of the situation.
  • Explore the implications of Menzies' manipulation further, perhaps by hinting at the broader consequences of Alan's compliance, which could add layers to the narrative.



Scene 52 -  A Heart Divided
EXT. BLETCHLEY PARK - PATHWAY NEAR HUT 8 - DAY

Joan walks towards Hut 8, showing her ID to the new GUARDS
who are closely monitoring entry to the Huts.

In front of Hut 8, Alan watches her. Steeling himself up for
what he has to do.

As she approaches, she sees Alan waiting for her. She smiles
at him, but he doesn’t return it. Something is wrong.


EXT. BLETCHLEY PARK - BEHIND HUT 8 - MOMENTS LATER

Alan and Joan talk behind Hut 8.

ALAN TURING
... I need you to leave Bletchley.

JOAN CLARKE
(annoyed)
What?

ALAN TURING
Menzies. I don’t trust...

ON ALAN: He wants to tell her, but he can’t. It’s too
dangerous.


ALAN TURING (CONT’D)
... I don’t think it’s safe here.

JOAN CLARKE
You think it’s safe somewhere else?

ALAN TURING
You need to leave, and you need to
get very far away from me.

JOAN CLARKE
Alan. What’s happened?

ON ALAN: This isn’t working. He’s going to have to try a
different approach.

ALAN TURING
... We can’t be engaged anymore.
Your parents will have to take you
back and find you a husband
elsewhere.

JOAN CLARKE
What is wrong with you?

ALAN TURING
... There’s something I have to
tell you. I’m... I’m a homosexual.

JOAN CLARKE
Alright.

ON ALAN: What?

ALAN TURING
Men, Joan. Not women.

JOAN CLARKE
So what?

ALAN TURING
I just said —

JOAN CLARKE
— So what? I had my suspicions. I
always did. But we’re not like
other people. We love each other in
our own way, and we can still live
the life together that we want. You
won’t be the perfect husband? I can
promise you I harboured no
intention of being the perfect
wife. I’ll not be fixing your lamb
all day awaiting your return from
the office, will I? I’ll work.
(MORE)

JOAN CLARKE (CONT'D)
You’ll work. We’ll have each
other’s company. We’ll have each
other’s minds. Sounds like a better
marriage than most. Because I care
for you. And you care for me. And
we understand one another more than
anyone else ever has.

ON ALAN: He needs to get rid of her, to save her, and she is
making this impossible.

ALAN TURING
I don’t.

JOAN CLARKE
What?

ALAN TURING
Care for you. I never did. I only
needed you to break Enigma. And now
I’ve done it, so you can leave.

She SLAPS HIM.

JOAN CLARKE
I am not going anywhere. I have
spent entirely too much of my life
worried about what you think of me,
or what my parents think of me, or
what the boys in Hut 8 or the girls
in Hut 3 think, and you know I am
done with it. This work is the most
important thing I will ever do in
my life. And no one will stop me.
Least of all you.

Joan turns to walk away, and then, angry, she turns back.

She TOSSES HER WIRE ENGAGEMENT RING AT ALAN.

JOAN CLARKE (CONT’D)
... They were right. John. Hugh.
Peter. You really are a monster.

Alan watches her walk away, struggling to maintain his facade
of icy indifference.

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Drama","Historical"]

Summary In a tense confrontation outside Hut 8 at Bletchley Park, Alan Turing urges Joan Clarke to leave for her safety, hinting at a threat from Menzies. Despite his attempts to push her away by revealing his homosexuality, Joan stands firm in her commitment to their relationship and their work. The emotional clash escalates as Alan lies about his feelings, leading Joan to throw her engagement ring at him in anger and heartbreak before walking away, leaving their bond strained and unresolved.
Strengths
  • Intense emotional conflict
  • Revealing character dynamics
  • Powerful dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Potential lack of subtlety in some interactions
  • Slightly predictable outcome

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9.2

The scene is highly impactful, emotionally charged, and pivotal in the development of the characters and their relationships. The tension and conflict are palpable, and the dialogue is intense and revealing.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of revealing deep-seated secrets and exploring the complexities of relationships is executed with depth and nuance, adding layers to the characters and the overall narrative.

Plot: 9

The plot is advanced significantly through the revelation of Alan's true feelings and the impact it has on Joan. The scene sets up future conflicts and developments within the story.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh take on the theme of love, sacrifice, and societal expectations. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and resonate with the audience.


Character Development

Characters: 9.5

The characters of Alan Turing and Joan Clarke are richly developed in this scene, with their vulnerabilities, strengths, and complexities on full display. The interaction between them is compelling and adds depth to their arcs.

Character Changes: 9

Both Alan and Joan undergo significant changes in this scene, with their relationship forever altered by the revelations and confrontations. Their growth and evolution are pivotal to the story.

Internal Goal: 9

The protagonist's internal goal is to protect Joan from the danger he believes he poses to her due to his homosexuality and the secrets he holds. This reflects his fear of rejection, isolation, and the consequences of his actions on those he cares about.

External Goal: 8

The protagonist's external goal is to convince Joan to leave Bletchley Park for her safety. This reflects the immediate challenge of protecting her from potential harm and maintaining the secrecy of their work.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9.5

The conflict between Alan and Joan reaches a boiling point in this scene, with deep-seated emotions, conflicting desires, and the revelation of long-held secrets driving the tension to its peak.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting goals, emotional barriers, and power struggles between the characters. The audience is left uncertain about the outcome and invested in the resolution of the conflict.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in this scene, as the characters grapple with personal truths, emotional turmoil, and the potential consequences of their actions. The decisions made here have far-reaching implications.

Story Forward: 9

The scene propels the story forward by revealing crucial information, deepening character dynamics, and setting the stage for future conflicts and developments. It is a turning point in the narrative.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected revelations, emotional outbursts, and shifting power dynamics between the characters. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of how the conflict will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between societal norms and personal values. Alan struggles with the societal expectations of his time regarding homosexuality and relationships, while Joan challenges these norms with her acceptance and love for him.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9.7

The scene has a high emotional impact, eliciting strong feelings of anger, sadness, and empathy from the audience. The raw emotions displayed by the characters resonate deeply.

Dialogue: 9.3

The dialogue is sharp, emotional, and revealing, capturing the essence of the characters and their inner turmoil. The exchanges between Alan and Joan are intense and impactful.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense emotional conflict, dramatic tension, and unexpected twists. The audience is drawn into the characters' struggles and dilemmas.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a gradual build-up of tension, emotional intensity, and dramatic revelations. The rhythm of the dialogue and character interactions enhances the scene's effectiveness.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene descriptions, character actions, and dialogue. The formatting enhances the readability and impact of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a well-defined structure with clear character motivations, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the effectiveness of the scene.


Critique
  • The emotional stakes in this scene are high, and the dialogue effectively conveys the tension between Alan and Joan. However, the pacing feels rushed, particularly in Alan's revelation about his sexuality. This moment is pivotal, and it could benefit from a slower build-up to allow the audience to fully grasp the weight of his confession and Joan's reaction.
  • Joan's response to Alan's revelation is strong and defiant, showcasing her character's resilience. However, the dialogue could be more nuanced to reflect the complexity of their relationship. While her initial acceptance is commendable, a deeper exploration of her internal conflict regarding Alan's sexuality and their engagement could add layers to her character.
  • The scene's visual elements are effective in establishing the setting and the characters' emotional states. However, incorporating more physical actions or gestures could enhance the tension. For example, showing Alan's body language as he struggles to maintain his facade could provide visual cues to his internal conflict.
  • The dialogue, while impactful, occasionally feels expository. For instance, Alan's line about needing Joan to break Enigma could be rephrased to sound more natural and less like a plot device. This would help maintain the authenticity of their conversation.
  • The slap from Joan is a powerful moment, but it could be more impactful if it were preceded by a moment of silence or hesitation, emphasizing the emotional turmoil leading to that action. This would heighten the dramatic effect and make the audience feel the weight of her decision.
Suggestions
  • Consider slowing down the pacing during Alan's revelation to allow for a more profound emotional impact. This could involve adding pauses or internal monologues that reflect his fear and desperation.
  • Enhance Joan's dialogue to reflect a more complex emotional response to Alan's confession. This could involve her expressing confusion or hurt before asserting her defiance, showcasing her depth as a character.
  • Incorporate more physical actions or gestures to convey the characters' emotional states. For example, show Alan fidgeting or avoiding eye contact as he struggles with his confession.
  • Revise Alan's dialogue to sound more natural and less expository. Instead of stating he needed Joan to break Enigma, consider a more subtle approach that reveals his motivations through context and emotion.
  • Add a moment of silence or hesitation before Joan slaps Alan to emphasize the emotional weight of the moment. This would create a more dramatic buildup and enhance the impact of her action.



Scene 53 -  The Weight of Loss
INT. SHERBORNE SCHOOL FOR BOYS - HEADMASTER’S OFFICE - 1927

Young Alan enters the HEADMASTER’S OFFICE.


YOUNG ALAN
You wanted to see me, Sir?

HEADMASTER
Turing. Sit down.

YOUNG ALAN
Is something the matter?

HEADMASTER
You and Christopher Morcom are
quite close.

YOUNG ALAN
I wouldn’t say that.

HEADMASTER
Your mathematics teacher says you
two are positively inseparable.

YOUNG ALAN
We’re the best students in the
class.

HEADMASTER
He caught you passing notes the
other day.

YOUNG ALAN
Cryptography. To pass the time. The
class is too simple.

HEADMASTER
You and your friend solve maths
problems during maths class because
maths class is too dull?

YOUNG ALAN
He’s not my friend.

HEADMASTER
I’ve been told he’s your only
friend.

YOUNG ALAN
Who said that?

HEADMASTER
Something has come up. About
Morcom.

YOUNG ALAN
Why am I here?

HEADMASTER
Christopher is dead.


YOUNG ALAN
... I don’t understand.

HEADMASTER
His mother sent word this morning.
The family was on holiday, you see.

YOUNG ALAN
I don’t understand.

HEADMASTER
He had bovine tuberculosis, as I’m
sure he told you. This mustn’t be a
shock, but all the same, I’m sorry.

YOUNG ALAN
You’re mistaken.

HEADMASTER
Did he not tell you? He’s been sick
for a long time. Knew this was
coming soon, but he had a stiff
upper lip about it. Good lad.

ON ALAN’S FACE: Christopher never told him.

HEADMASTER (CONT’D)
Are you all right, Turing?

YOUNG ALAN
Yes. Of course. As I said, I didn’t
know him well.

HEADMASTER
Ah. Very well then.

YOUNG ALAN
May I leave, Headmaster?

HEADMASTER
Of course. Oh, but Turing?

YOUNG ALAN
Yes, Sir?

HEADMASTER
Do pay more attention in maths
class, will you?

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary In the Headmaster's office at Sherborne School for Boys in 1927, young Alan is confronted with the devastating news of his friend Christopher Morcom's death from bovine tuberculosis. Despite the Headmaster's attempts to comfort him, Alan struggles to process the loss, maintaining a facade of indifference. The scene captures Alan's internal conflict and denial as he leaves the office in shock, with the Headmaster reminding him to focus more on his studies.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
  • Pivotal plot point
Weaknesses
  • Lack of external conflict
  • Limited dialogue

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9.2

The scene is impactful, emotionally charged, and pivotal in shaping Alan Turing's character and motivations. The revelation of Christopher's death sets the tone for the rest of the story and adds depth to Alan's internal struggles.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of revealing a character's death to another character is a classic storytelling device that is executed with nuance and emotional depth in this scene. It sets the stage for character development and narrative progression.

Plot: 9

The plot is advanced significantly through the revelation of Christopher's death, adding layers of complexity to Alan Turing's character and setting up future conflicts and resolutions. The scene is crucial in driving the story forward.

Originality: 8

The scene offers a fresh approach to the theme of loss and grief, with authentic character interactions and realistic dialogue.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters, especially Alan Turing, are well-developed in this scene, showcasing their emotional depth, internal conflicts, and relationships. The interaction between Alan and the Headmaster reveals key aspects of their personalities.

Character Changes: 8

Alan Turing undergoes a significant emotional change in this scene, moving from confusion and denial to acceptance and grief upon learning about Christopher's death. The revelation shapes his character arc and motivations.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to maintain emotional distance and detachment, as seen in his reluctance to acknowledge his friendship with Christopher Morcom.

External Goal: 9

The protagonist's external goal is to understand the news of Christopher Morcom's death and maintain composure in front of the headmaster.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

While there is an underlying conflict in the revelation of Christopher's death, the scene primarily focuses on emotional turmoil and internal struggles rather than external conflicts. The conflict is more subtle but impactful.

Opposition: 8

The strong opposition in the scene comes from the protagonist's internal conflict and emotional struggle, creating uncertainty and tension for the audience.

High Stakes: 8

While the emotional stakes are high in this scene due to the revelation of Christopher's death, the external stakes are relatively low. The focus is more on internal conflicts and emotional repercussions.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by introducing a key plot point that will influence the characters' actions and decisions in the future. It sets the stage for character development and narrative progression.

Unpredictability: 7

The scene is unpredictable in its emotional revelations and the protagonist's unexpected reactions to the news of his friend's death.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict is between emotional detachment and vulnerability, as the protagonist struggles to process the news of his friend's death.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9.5

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking feelings of sadness, shock, and empathy in the audience. The revelation of Christopher's death resonates deeply with the viewers, creating a poignant moment.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is poignant and serves the purpose of conveying the emotional impact of Christopher's death on Alan Turing. It effectively reveals the characters' thoughts and feelings in a subtle yet powerful manner.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its emotional intensity and the protagonist's internal struggle, drawing the audience into the character's emotional journey.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and emotional impact, allowing for a gradual reveal of the protagonist's internal turmoil.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene adheres to the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 9

The scene follows a traditional structure for a dramatic confrontation, building tension and emotional impact effectively.


Critique
  • The scene effectively conveys the emotional weight of Young Alan's loss through the stark dialogue and the Headmaster's clinical demeanor. However, the pacing feels rushed, particularly in the transition from the Headmaster's questioning to the revelation of Christopher's death. This could benefit from a more gradual build-up to enhance the emotional impact.
  • The Headmaster's character comes across as somewhat one-dimensional, primarily serving as a vehicle for delivering bad news. Adding more depth to his character could create a more nuanced interaction. For instance, showing his own discomfort or awkwardness in delivering such news could make the scene feel more authentic.
  • Young Alan's responses are appropriately subdued, reflecting his shock and denial. However, the repetition of 'I don’t understand' could be varied to better illustrate his emotional state. Instead of repeating the phrase, he could express confusion or disbelief in different ways, which would add layers to his character's reaction.
  • The dialogue is functional but lacks subtext. The Headmaster's comments about Alan's performance in math class feel somewhat disconnected from the emotional core of the scene. This could be reworked to tie back to Alan's relationship with Christopher, perhaps suggesting that his distraction in class is due to his preoccupation with Christopher's illness.
  • The visual elements are minimal in this scene. Incorporating more descriptive actions or expressions could enhance the emotional resonance. For example, showing Young Alan's physical reactions—like fidgeting or avoiding eye contact—could convey his internal turmoil more effectively.
Suggestions
  • Consider expanding the dialogue to include more pauses or moments of silence, allowing the weight of the news to settle in. This would create a more dramatic tension and give the audience time to absorb the emotional impact.
  • Introduce a brief moment where the Headmaster reflects on his own experiences with loss or grief, which could create a connection between him and Young Alan, making the scene feel more layered.
  • Instead of having Young Alan repeat 'I don’t understand,' explore other expressions of confusion or denial, such as asking questions about Christopher's health or expressing anger at the situation.
  • Rework the Headmaster's final line about paying more attention in math class to connect it to Alan's emotional state. Perhaps he could suggest that focusing on his studies might help him cope with the loss, which would add a layer of complexity to the Headmaster's character.
  • Enhance the visual storytelling by including more physical actions or expressions from Young Alan, such as clenching his fists or looking away, to better illustrate his emotional struggle.



Scene 54 -  The Weight of Choices
INT. BLETCHLEY PARK - HUT 8 - 1943-5 - SEQUENCE

Alan, Joan, John, Hugh, and Peter decrypt messages together
for another two exhausting years.


ALAN TURING (V.O.)
The war dragged on for another two
solitary years.

Alan spends two years pressed shoulder-to-shoulder with the
woman whose heart he broke. With the man whose dark secret he
uncovered. With the man whose brother he allowed to die.

ALAN TURING (V.O.)
Every day we performed our blood-
soaked calculus. Every day we
decided who lived and who died. And
every day we guided the Allied
armies to victory without anyone
knowing.


EXT. MEDITERRANEAN SEA - SICILY (ARCHIVE FOOTAGE) - DAY

INTERCUT WITH ARCHIVAL FOOTAGE: The FRONTLINE BATTLES whose
outcomes, good and bad, are determined by the work of Hut 8.
The MEDITERRANEAN FLEET is RAVAGED outside Sicily... 6,000
SHIPS launch for the surprise attack on Normandy...

ALAN TURING (V.O.)
Stalingrad? The Ardennes? Normandy?
None of those victories would have
been possible without the
intelligence we produced.


INT. BLETCHLEY PARK - HUT 8 - DAY

IN HUT 8: Peter and Hugh each decrypt a message, placing TWO
BLUE PINS on the board, and then one RED. They look to Alan:
Two British ships, and they can only save one of them.

Alan runs a statistical analysis of their options. We see KEY
WORDS: “LIKELIHOOD OF DETECTION,” “CASUALTIES,” “MATERIAL
LOSSES” interspersed with mathematical equations. Alan places
his results into a GREEN FOLDER. A MESSENGER comes in and
takes the folder to —
Genres: ["Historical Drama","War"]

Summary In a tense scene at Bletchley Park's Hut 8, Alan Turing and his colleagues—Joan, John, Hugh, and Peter—grapple with the emotional burden of their work decrypting messages during World War II. As they face a critical decision on which British ship to save, they analyze statistical data to guide their choice, reflecting on the personal connections and losses tied to their actions. The somber atmosphere underscores the life-and-death stakes of their contributions, culminating in a messenger taking their findings for urgent action.
Strengths
  • Intense decision-making process
  • Emotional depth
  • Historical accuracy
Weaknesses
  • Limited character interactions
  • Lack of external conflict

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively captures the tension and weight of the codebreakers' decisions, providing insight into the high-stakes nature of their work and the emotional toll it takes on them.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of showcasing the ethical dilemmas and strategic calculations involved in codebreaking during wartime is compelling and well-developed, adding depth to the narrative.

Plot: 8.5

The plot of the scene revolves around the codebreakers' decision-making process and the impact of their work on the war effort, driving the narrative forward and adding layers of complexity.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh perspective on the wartime intelligence operations, delving into the personal and moral struggles of the characters involved. The authenticity of the dialogue and actions adds depth and complexity to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are portrayed as dedicated and conflicted individuals, grappling with the weight of their decisions and the consequences of their actions, adding depth to their portrayals.

Character Changes: 8

The characters undergo internal struggles and moral dilemmas, leading to subtle shifts in their perspectives and decisions, adding layers to their development.

Internal Goal: 9

Alan's internal goal in this scene is to come to terms with the moral implications of his work and the personal relationships affected by it. He grapples with guilt, responsibility, and the consequences of his actions.

External Goal: 8

The protagonist's external goal is to make strategic decisions based on the decrypted messages to guide the Allied armies to victory. He must choose which British ship to save, reflecting the immediate challenges and ethical dilemmas he faces.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The scene is filled with internal and external conflicts, as the characters grapple with ethical decisions, strategic calculations, and the weight of their responsibilities.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the characters facing difficult choices and moral dilemmas that challenge their beliefs and values. The audience is left uncertain about the outcome, adding to the tension and drama.

High Stakes: 9

The high stakes of the codebreakers' decisions, which could determine the outcome of key battles and the fate of lives, add urgency and tension to the scene.

Story Forward: 9

The scene propels the story forward by showcasing the pivotal role of the codebreakers in the war effort, highlighting the impact of their decisions on the larger narrative.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the characters' complex moral choices and the unexpected outcomes of their decisions. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of how the situation will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the ethical implications of intelligence work during wartime. Alan must balance the greater good with individual lives, facing the moral complexities of his role in the war effort.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene evokes a sense of tension, reflection, and somber determination, eliciting emotional engagement from the audience as the characters navigate the complexities of their work.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue is focused on conveying the technical aspects of codebreaking and the moral dilemmas faced by the characters, providing insight into their thought processes and motivations.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its high stakes, moral dilemmas, and emotional depth. The characters' decisions and interactions draw the audience in, creating a sense of urgency and suspense.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the characters' decisions. The rhythm of the dialogue and action enhances the scene's effectiveness.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene's formatting is clear and concise, effectively conveying the action and dialogue. It follows the expected format for its genre, contributing to the overall readability and impact of the scene.

Structure: 9

The scene follows a well-paced and structured format, effectively building tension and drama through the characters' decisions and interactions. It adheres to the expected format for its genre, enhancing the narrative flow.


Critique
  • The scene effectively conveys the emotional weight of Alan Turing's work during the war, emphasizing the moral dilemmas faced by him and his colleagues. The voiceover adds depth to Turing's character, revealing his internal struggles and the consequences of their decisions. However, the transition from the intense personal conflict in the previous scene to a more detached narrative in this one feels abrupt. The emotional stakes could be heightened by incorporating more direct interactions among the characters, showcasing their camaraderie and tension as they grapple with the weight of their choices.
  • The use of archival footage is a strong visual choice that grounds the narrative in historical context, but it risks overshadowing the personal stories of the characters. Balancing the archival footage with more intimate moments among the team could enhance the emotional resonance of the scene. The juxtaposition of the characters' experiences with the broader war efforts is compelling, yet it may benefit from a clearer connection between their personal sacrifices and the outcomes of the battles.
  • The dialogue is minimal, relying heavily on voiceover, which can create a sense of distance from the characters' immediate experiences. While the voiceover is poignant, incorporating more dialogue among the characters could provide insight into their relationships and the dynamics at play. This would also allow for a more organic exploration of their emotional states as they face the consequences of their work.
  • The visual elements, such as the placement of blue and red pins, effectively symbolize the life-and-death decisions being made. However, the scene could benefit from more detailed descriptions of the characters' physical reactions and expressions as they engage in this high-stakes work. This would help to convey the tension and urgency of their situation more vividly.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding brief exchanges of dialogue among the characters to illustrate their emotional states and relationships, enhancing the scene's intimacy and tension.
  • Incorporate more visual details that highlight the characters' physical reactions to the decisions they are making, such as facial expressions or body language, to convey the emotional weight of their work.
  • Balance the archival footage with more personal moments that connect the characters' experiences to the broader historical context, ensuring that the audience remains engaged with their individual stories.
  • Explore the internal conflicts of each character more deeply, perhaps through additional voiceover or visual cues, to create a richer understanding of their motivations and the stakes involved in their decisions.



Scene 55 -  The Weight of Sacrifice
INT. MI-6 - WAR ROOM - DAY

AN MI-6 WAR ROOM: The Messenger delivers the Green Folder to
Menzies and a TEAM OF MI-6 AGENTS. They look over Alan’s
analysis and decide what military actions to take. The Agents
TELEPHONE Churchill’s office in London.


EXT. NORTH OF ALGIERS (ARCHIVE FOOTAGE) - DAY

ARCHIVAL FOOTAGE: We see the impact of Hut 8’s work as a
dozen British ships are BLOWN OUT OF THE OCEAN just north of
Algiers, sacrificed for the greater good in Operation Torch.


EXT. BLETCHLEY PARK - HUT 8 - DAY

BACK IN HUT 8: The team learns of the outcome as they decode
more German messages. Peter takes the BLUE PIN down from the
map, tossing it angrily in the trash. He looks at Alan, who
looks away — another ship they could not save.


EXT. BLETCHLEY VILLAGE/ ENVIRONS - NIGHT

OUTSIDE BLETCHLEY VILLAGE: Alan RUNS at night on a dirt path
along the outskirts of Bletchley. He runs for miles,
sweating, panting, until his legs almost give way.

ALAN TURING (V.O.)
People talk about the war as this
epic battle between civilizations.
Good versus evil, liberty versus
tyranny. Armies of millions
bleeding into the mud, fleets of
ships that weighed down the oceans,
packs of airplanes that dropped
bombs until they blotted out the
sun itself. But it wasn’t.


INT. BLETCHLEY PARK - HUT 8 - NIGHT

QUIET MOMENTS IN HUT 8: Hugh lays a folded-up coat under a
sleeping Peter’s head as a pillow. John makes tea for Joan.

ALAN TURING (V.O.)
The war was really just a half-
dozen crossword enthusiasts in a
tiny village in the south of
England.
Genres: ["War","Historical","Drama"]

Summary In the MI-6 War Room, agents discuss military actions as they receive news of losses from Operation Torch, highlighting the grim consequences of their work. Back in Hut 8, Alan Turing reflects on the harsh realities of war while Peter expresses frustration over a ship they couldn't save. The scene captures the emotional toll on the codebreakers, emphasizing their personal sacrifices and camaraderie amidst the chaos of war, culminating in quiet moments that reveal their deep connections.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
  • Tension building
Weaknesses
  • Lack of resolution
  • Limited external action
  • Dependence on dialogue

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys the emotional depth of the characters and the impact of their work, creating a tense and reflective atmosphere. The dialogue and character interactions are compelling, drawing the audience into the moral complexities of wartime decisions.


Story Content

Concept: 8.5

The concept of exploring the human side of war through the experiences of a small group of codebreakers is engaging and thought-provoking. The scene effectively conveys the moral dilemmas and emotional struggles faced by the characters, adding layers of complexity to the narrative.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene revolves around the team's efforts to decode messages and make critical decisions that impact the outcome of battles. The tension and emotional stakes are high, driving the narrative forward and highlighting the personal sacrifices made in wartime.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh perspective on World War II by focusing on the personal and emotional impact of codebreaking rather than traditional battlefield heroics. The dialogue feels authentic and reflective of the characters' internal struggles.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters in the scene are well-developed and multi-dimensional, each grappling with their own internal conflicts and moral dilemmas. The interactions between the team members reveal their individual personalities and motivations, adding depth to the story.

Character Changes: 8

Several characters undergo significant emotional changes in the scene, grappling with moral dilemmas, personal revelations, and the weight of their decisions. These changes add depth to the characters and drive the narrative forward, highlighting the human cost of war.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to grapple with the moral implications of their work, feeling guilt and responsibility for the lives lost despite their efforts.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to decode German messages and contribute to the war effort by providing intelligence to military actions.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The scene is filled with internal and external conflicts, from the moral dilemma of choosing which ship to save to the personal struggles of the characters. The tension is palpable, driving the emotional impact of the scene and keeping the audience engaged.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene comes from the characters' internal struggles and moral dilemmas, creating tension and uncertainty about their choices and actions.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in the scene, with the team facing critical decisions that could impact the outcome of battles and the lives of many. The moral dilemmas, personal sacrifices, and emotional struggles raise the stakes, adding tension and urgency to the narrative.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by showcasing the team's decoding efforts, moral dilemmas, and personal struggles. The decisions made in the scene have far-reaching consequences for the characters and the larger conflict, driving the narrative towards its resolution.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because it subverts traditional war narrative tropes and focuses on the emotional and moral complexities of the characters.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict is between the protagonist's belief in the importance of their work in winning the war and the personal toll it takes on them emotionally.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes a strong emotional response from the audience, delving into the personal struggles and sacrifices of the characters amidst the backdrop of war. The poignant moments of reflection, tension, and resolution create a powerful emotional impact, resonating long after the scene ends.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue in the scene is poignant and impactful, reflecting the emotional turmoil of the characters and the weight of their decisions. The conversations between the team members reveal their inner struggles and conflicting loyalties, adding depth to the narrative.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it balances action, emotion, and introspection, drawing the audience into the characters' personal struggles and moral dilemmas.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and emotional depth, allowing moments of quiet reflection to contrast with intense action.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows standard screenplay format, with clear scene headings and action descriptions that enhance the visual storytelling.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a logical progression from the war room to the decoding room to the protagonist's personal reflection, effectively building tension and emotional depth.


Critique
  • The scene effectively juxtaposes the high-stakes environment of MI-6 with the personal toll of war on the codebreakers at Bletchley Park. However, the transition between the MI-6 War Room and the archival footage could be smoother. The abrupt shift from the tense decision-making to the destruction of ships feels disjointed and could benefit from a more gradual transition that emphasizes the emotional weight of the decisions being made.
  • Alan's voiceover provides a poignant commentary on the nature of war, contrasting the grand narrative with the reality of the codebreakers' contributions. However, the voiceover could be more impactful if it included specific references to the personal sacrifices made by the team, enhancing the emotional resonance of the scene.
  • The visual elements, particularly the archival footage, serve to illustrate the consequences of the team's work, but the emotional impact could be heightened by showing more of the team's reactions to the news of the ships being lost. This would ground the audience in the personal stakes involved, rather than just presenting the information in a detached manner.
  • Peter's action of tossing the blue pin in anger is a strong visual moment, but it could be further developed to show the depth of his frustration. A brief exchange of dialogue or a moment of silence among the team could amplify the emotional weight of this action, making it clear that this loss is not just a statistic but a personal failure for them.
  • The scene concludes with Alan running at night, which is a powerful visual metaphor for his internal struggle. However, the voiceover could be more tightly integrated with the visuals. For instance, as Alan runs, the voiceover could reflect his thoughts on the futility of war, creating a stronger connection between his physical exertion and emotional turmoil.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment of dialogue or interaction among the MI-6 agents after they receive the Green Folder to establish their emotional responses to the decisions they are making.
  • Enhance the transition between the MI-6 War Room and the archival footage by incorporating a visual or auditory cue, such as a ringing phone or a tense silence, to signify the gravity of the situation.
  • Include a moment where the team at Bletchley Park reacts to the news of the ships being lost, perhaps through a shared glance or a brief conversation, to emphasize the personal stakes involved in their work.
  • Expand on Peter's emotional response to the loss of the ship by including a line of dialogue that expresses his frustration or guilt, making his actions more relatable and impactful.
  • Tighten the integration of Alan's voiceover with the visuals by ensuring that his reflections directly correspond to what is happening on screen, reinforcing the connection between his internal struggle and the external events.



Scene 56 -  Secrecy Amidst Celebration
EXT. WHITEHALL (ARCHIVE FOOTAGE) - DAY

ARCHIVAL FOOTAGE: On V-E Day, Churchill speaks to millions
from a balcony in Whitehall. Truman dedicates the victory to
Roosevelt as Times Square erupts into drunken cheers.

The whole world kisses. The whole world cries.

ALAN TURING (V.O.)
Was I God? No. Because God didn’t
win the war. I did.


EXT. BLETCHLEY PARK - DAY - 1945

All of Bletchley Park is celebrating the end of the war.

Flags are being waved, people are dancing, cheering.

But inside the central mansion:


INT. BLETCHLEY PARK - CENTRAL MANSION - CONTINUOUS

Alan and his team are assembled before Stewart Menzies.

HUGH ALEXANDER
... What happens now? Back to the
university for us?

STEWART MENZIES
Yes. You’ve only one thing left to
do before your service to your
government is concluded.

JOHN CAIRNCROSS
What’s that?

STEWART MENZIES
Burn everything.

HUGH ALEXANDER
What?

STEWART MENZIES
We told you when you started that
this was a top secret program. Did
you think we were joking?

HUGH ALEXANDER
But the war is over.

ALAN TURING
This war is over. But there will be
more. And we know how to break a
code that everyone else thinks is
unbreakable.

STEWART MENZIES
(with a smile at Alan)
Alright. Tear it down, light it up,
sweep away the ashes. None of you
have ever met before. None of you
have ever even heard the word
Enigma. Have a safe trip home.
(MORE)

STEWART MENZIES (CONT'D)
Behave, and with a bit of luck none
of you will ever see me — or one
another — again in your lives.

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Historical Drama","War"]

Summary In a poignant scene set in Bletchley Park on V-E Day, Alan Turing and his team receive a directive from Stewart Menzies to destroy all evidence of their code-breaking work, despite the joyous celebrations outside. Turing emphasizes the importance of their knowledge for future conflicts, while Hugh Alexander and John Cairncross express confusion and concern over the destruction order. The scene captures the stark contrast between the celebratory atmosphere of the war's end and the somber reality of their secretive operations, culminating in a sense of finality as Menzies bids them farewell.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Tension-filled dialogue
  • Character development
Weaknesses
  • Lack of action
  • Limited external conflict

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively captures the somber tone of the end of the war and the team's realization of the consequences of their work. The tension between the characters and the weight of their decisions are well portrayed.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of having the team destroy all evidence of their code-breaking work adds a layer of complexity to the scene, highlighting the moral dilemmas and sacrifices made during wartime.

Plot: 8.5

The plot of the scene revolves around the team's final task and the consequences of their knowledge, moving the story forward while providing closure to their wartime efforts.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh perspective on the aftermath of war, focusing on the ethical dilemmas faced by codebreakers in maintaining secrecy and preserving valuable knowledge. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and true to the historical context.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters' reactions and interactions in the scene are well-developed, showcasing their individual struggles and the bonds formed during their time at Bletchley Park.

Character Changes: 8

The characters undergo emotional changes in the scene, grappling with the weight of their decisions and the end of the war, leading to personal growth and reflection.

Internal Goal: 8

Alan Turing's internal goal in this scene is to preserve the knowledge and skills he and his team have acquired during the war, despite the orders to destroy everything. This reflects his desire to continue using his intelligence and expertise for the greater good, even in peacetime.

External Goal: 9

The protagonist's external goal is to follow orders and destroy all evidence of their codebreaking work at Bletchley Park. This reflects the immediate challenge of maintaining secrecy and security in a post-war world.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict in the scene arises from the characters' internal struggles and the external pressure to destroy their work, creating a sense of tension and urgency.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, as the characters are faced with conflicting orders and moral dilemmas that create tension and conflict.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in the scene as the characters face the decision to destroy all evidence of their code-breaking work, potentially erasing their contributions to the war effort.

Story Forward: 9

The scene effectively moves the story forward by providing closure to the wartime narrative and setting the stage for the characters' future paths.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because it subverts expectations about the aftermath of war, presenting a complex moral dilemma that challenges the characters' beliefs and values.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between the duty to follow orders and the desire to preserve valuable knowledge for future use. This challenges the characters' beliefs about the importance of secrecy and the potential consequences of destroying valuable information.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene evokes a strong emotional response from the audience, particularly in the characters' realization of the consequences of their actions and the sacrifices made during the war.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the tension and emotions of the characters, adding depth to their relationships and internal conflicts.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it presents a moral dilemma that resonates with the audience, drawing them into the characters' internal struggles and external challenges.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the characters' decisions and actions.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and dialogue formatting that enhance the readability and impact of the scene.

Structure: 9

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, effectively building tension and conflict through dialogue and character interactions.


Critique
  • The juxtaposition of archival footage with Alan Turing's voiceover is a powerful narrative device that emphasizes the contrast between the public celebration of victory and the private, somber reality faced by Turing and his team. However, the transition between the celebratory atmosphere and the serious tone inside Bletchley Park could be more pronounced to enhance the emotional impact.
  • Alan's voiceover, 'Was I God? No. Because God didn’t win the war. I did,' is a bold statement that encapsulates his internal struggle and the weight of his contributions. However, it may come off as overly self-aggrandizing without sufficient context or emotional grounding. It would benefit from a more nuanced exploration of Turing's feelings about his role in the war and the sacrifices made by him and his team.
  • The dialogue between the characters effectively conveys the shock and disbelief regarding the destruction of their work. However, the pacing feels rushed, particularly in Menzies' directive to 'burn everything.' This moment could be expanded to allow for more emotional reactions from the team, showcasing their sense of loss and betrayal.
  • The scene lacks a strong visual representation of the emotional turmoil experienced by the characters. While the celebratory footage outside contrasts with the somber mood inside, incorporating close-ups of the characters' faces could enhance the audience's connection to their internal conflicts and the gravity of their situation.
  • The ending line from Menzies, 'Behave, and with a bit of luck none of you will ever see me — or one another — again in your lives,' feels abrupt and could be more impactful if it were followed by a moment of silence or reflection among the team. This would allow the audience to absorb the weight of their shared experience and the finality of their work.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment of silence or a shared glance among the team after Menzies' directive to burn everything, allowing the audience to feel the weight of their loss.
  • Expand on Alan's voiceover to provide more context about his feelings regarding the war and his contributions, perhaps reflecting on the personal sacrifices made by him and his team.
  • Incorporate more emotional reactions from the team members in response to Menzies' orders, showcasing their disbelief and sense of betrayal to deepen the emotional stakes.
  • Utilize close-up shots of the characters' faces during key moments to visually convey their internal struggles and the emotional weight of their situation.
  • Consider revising the pacing of the dialogue to allow for more natural pauses and reactions, enhancing the tension and emotional impact of the scene.



Scene 57 -  Judgment and Isolation
INT. MANCHESTER POLICE STATION - INTERROGATION ROOM - 1951

Alan Turing finishes telling his story to Detective Nock.

DETECTIVE NOCK
That’s... Unbelievable.

ALAN TURING
That’s the Imitation Game.

DETECTIVE NOCK
I don’t know what to do now.

ALAN TURING
Now, Detective, you get to judge.
That’s how the game works. I
answered your questions. You know
my story. That’s the point of the
game. We are all pretending to be
something. Imitating something.
Someone. And we are no more, and no
less, than what we can convince
other people that we are. So tell
me: What am I? Am I a person? Am I
a machine? Am I a war hero? Am I a
criminal?

DETECTIVE NOCK
I can’t judge you.

ALAN TURING
Well then you’re no help to me at
all.

ON ALAN: Turning away. He’s done with Nock.

CUT TO:


INT. POLICE STATION - MANCHESTER - DAY - 6 MONTHS LATER

A PLAINCLOTHES OFFICER walks through the police station,
carrying a NEWSPAPER under his arm.

He makes his way to —

— Detective Nock’s desk.


PLAINCLOTHES OFFICER
Congratulations, Sir.

The Officer drops the newspaper in front of Nock.

The headline reads: “CAMBRIDGE PROFESSOR SENTENCED FOR
INDECENCY”, above a photo of Alan.

ON NOCK: This should make him happy. But instead he feels
only empty and sick.


INT. ALAN TURING’S HOUSE - DAY

We find Alan in his study. He’s gained weight since last we
saw him — he’s grown paler as well. Haggard. And the place is
a horrible mess.

He compares his half-built NEW MACHINE to the plans on his
desk — his work progresses. Slowly.

(This is the machine we saw in the opening scene, which
appears different but related to the Bletchley machine — like
a newer model of the same basic concept.)

The doorbell RINGS. Alan ignores it, focused on his work.

It RINGS again. Irritated, he gets up and shuffles through
his house —

— He’s walking with an odd limp, like it’s hard for him to
move his legs normally —

— And as the bell keeps RINGING insistently he reaches the
front door, opening it to find:

JOAN CLARKE
I had to find out from the bloody
newspapers.

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Drama","Biography"]

Summary In a tense interrogation room, Alan Turing concludes his story to Detective Nock, who struggles to judge him, leading to Turing's frustration. Six months later, Nock learns of Turing's sentencing for indecency, leaving him feeling empty. The scene shifts to Turing's home, where he is consumed by building a new machine, ignoring the doorbell until Joan Clarke arrives, frustrated by the news of his situation from the newspapers.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Character exploration
  • Reflective dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Lack of external action
  • Limited physical movement

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively delves into Alan Turing's complex emotions and the aftermath of his choices, creating a poignant and thought-provoking atmosphere.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of exploring identity, self-perception, and societal judgment is compelling and thought-provoking. The scene delves deep into these themes through Alan Turing's character and his interactions with Detective Nock.

Plot: 8

The plot progression in the scene focuses on Alan Turing's internal struggles and the aftermath of his revelations to Detective Nock. It effectively advances the character development and thematic exploration.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh take on the historical events surrounding Alan Turing, offering a unique perspective on his struggles and inner conflicts.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters, especially Alan Turing and Detective Nock, are well-developed and engaging. Their interactions reveal layers of complexity and emotion, adding depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 8

Alan Turing undergoes significant emotional changes in the scene, grappling with his identity and the repercussions of his choices. His character arc is compelling and impactful.

Internal Goal: 8

Alan Turing's internal goal is to be understood and accepted for who he truly is, despite the societal expectations and judgments placed upon him.

External Goal: 7

Alan Turing's external goal is to continue his work on his machine and make progress despite the challenges and obstacles he faces.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict in the scene is primarily internal, focusing on Alan Turing's struggle with his identity and the consequences of his actions. It is subtle but emotionally resonant.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, as Alan Turing faces internal and external challenges that test his resolve and identity.

High Stakes: 6

The stakes in the scene are primarily emotional and psychological, focusing on the impact of societal judgment and personal identity. While not high in traditional action-driven stakes, the emotional weight is significant.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by delving into Alan Turing's internal struggles and the aftermath of his revelations. It adds depth to the character development and thematic exploration.

Unpredictability: 8

The scene is unpredictable in its emotional twists and turns, keeping the audience on edge about Alan Turing's fate and decisions.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict revolves around the idea of identity and authenticity, as Alan Turing questions his own existence and how others perceive him.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking feelings of melancholy, regret, and introspection. The characters' emotional journeys resonate with the audience, creating a powerful connection.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is poignant and reflective, capturing the emotional turmoil of the characters. It effectively conveys the themes of identity and self-perception.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its emotional depth, philosophical conflict, and character dynamics that draw the audience in.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and emotional resonance, enhancing the impact of key moments.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting adheres to the expected format for a screenplay set in the 1950s police station, enhancing the visual storytelling.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a structured format that effectively conveys the emotional and narrative beats of the story.


Critique
  • The dialogue in this scene is thought-provoking and captures the essence of Alan Turing's internal struggle with identity and societal perception. However, it could benefit from more emotional depth. Turing's philosophical musings about being a person or a machine are compelling, but they might feel more impactful if they were interspersed with more personal anecdotes or emotional reflections that reveal his vulnerability.
  • Detective Nock's character feels somewhat passive in this scene. While he expresses disbelief and confusion, he doesn't take a strong stance or show a significant emotional reaction to Turing's revelations. This could be an opportunity for Nock to reflect on his own biases or the implications of Turing's story on his understanding of morality and justice.
  • The transition from the interrogation room to the newspaper scene is effective in showing the passage of time and the consequences of Turing's situation. However, the emotional weight of Nock receiving the newspaper could be enhanced by including a brief moment of introspection or a flashback that connects Nock's earlier interactions with Turing to his current feelings of emptiness.
  • The visual description of Alan's home and his physical state effectively conveys his decline, but it could be more vivid. Describing specific items in disarray or the atmosphere of the room could enhance the audience's understanding of his mental state. For example, mentioning the dust on the machine or the clutter of papers could symbolize his chaotic mind.
  • The scene ends abruptly with Joan's entrance, which creates a sense of tension. However, it might be more impactful if there were a moment of silence or a brief exchange before she speaks, allowing the weight of the situation to settle in. This could heighten the emotional stakes and create a more dramatic reveal of her character.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more emotional depth to Turing's dialogue by incorporating personal anecdotes or memories that illustrate his struggles with identity and societal expectations.
  • Give Detective Nock a more active role in the conversation. Allow him to express his own internal conflict or biases regarding Turing's situation, which could create a more dynamic exchange.
  • Enhance the emotional impact of Nock receiving the newspaper by including a moment of reflection or a flashback that connects his past interactions with Turing to his current feelings of emptiness.
  • Make the visual description of Alan's home more vivid by detailing specific items in disarray or the atmosphere of the room, which could symbolize his mental state and emotional decline.
  • Consider adding a moment of silence or a brief exchange before Joan speaks when she enters, allowing the weight of the situation to settle in and heightening the emotional stakes of their reunion.



Scene 58 -  A Fragile Connection
INT. ALAN TURING’S HOUSE - SITTING ROOM - MOMENTS LATER

Joan takes a seat while Alan fusses, embarrassed at the state
of the place and trying to clean up for her.
JOAN CLARKE
... You never responded to my
letters.
(silence from Alan)
I would have come. I would have
testified.


ALAN TURING
And what would you have said? That
I wasn’t a homosexual?

JOAN CLARKE
I would have said something. This
is serious. They could send you to
jail —
Alan tries to move a glass of water...

... Which he DROPS, shattering it.

ALAN TURING
Damn it...

JOAN CLARKE
Your hands... You’re twitching.

ALAN TURING
No I’m not.

He is.

JOAN CLARKE
Alan.

ALAN TURING
... It’s the medication.

JOAN CLARKE
The medication?

ALAN TURING
I have to go in for weekly
oestrogen treatments. At the
hospital.

JOAN CLARKE
What are you talking about?

ALAN TURING
The judge gave me a choice. Prison.
Or “hormonal therapy.”

JOAN CLARKE
Oh my god. Oh my god. That’s —

ALAN TURING
— Chemical castration. Yes. To cure
my homosexual predilections. Of
course I chose that. I wouldn’t be
able to work from prison.

Joan is HORRIFIED.


ALAN TURING (CONT’D)
Well how would I even have got
parts in jail? It just makes no
sense.

JOAN CLARKE
All right. This is what we’re going
to do. I’m going to speak to your
doctors. I’m going to speak to your
lawyer. We’re going to find a way
out of this.

ALAN TURING
No.

JOAN CLARKE
You are not thinking clearly. There
are a million chemicals flowing
through your brain. This treatment—

ALAN TURING
— I’m fine.

JOAN CLARKE
Please let me help you.

ALAN TURING
I don’t need your help.

JOAN CLARKE
You do not have to do this all
alone.

ALAN TURING
Alone? I’m not alone. I never have
been.

He looks lovingly at his machine — at Christopher.

ALAN TURING (CONT’D)
... Christopher has got so smart.
If I stop the treatment, they’ll
take him away from me. You can’t
let them do that. You can’t. Don’t
let them leave me alone.

Joan looks at Alan. And at Christopher. His true love.

Looking at his machine, Alan starts to have a small PANIC
ATTACK — he’s getting more emotional, twitching more, getting
teary — the hormones are flowing through him.

JOAN CLARKE
(re: Alan’s freak out)
Here, it’s alright. It’s alright.
Sit down.


She sits him in a chair, trying to contain his
hyperventilating.

Alan, embarrassed at this uncontrollable display, tries to
play it off, but of course he can’t stop it.

With her hand on his shoulder, he notices her WEDDING RING.

ALAN TURING
(trying to seem normal)
... It’s a much nicer ring than the
one I got you.

JOAN CLARKE
His name is Jock. We work together
in Eastcote. He’s gotten me into
coin collecting. Can you believe
it?

Joan looks around the room for a tea cup, a glass of water,
anything that isn’t mouldy she can have him sip from.

She sees the newspaper she brought in, grabs it.

JOAN CLARKE (CONT’D)
Do you want to do a crossword? For
old times’ sake. It’ll only take
five minutes. Or in your case, six.

She tries to get him to smile at her joke.

Joan opens the paper to a PUZZLE.

Alan looks down at it.

His fingers twitch. He stares at the puzzle, confused. He
doesn’t know how to do it.

Alan moves his hand away from the puzzle.

ALAN TURING
... Perhaps later.

The treatment has wrecked his brain so badly that he can’t do
crossword puzzles anymore.

Joan watches and her heart utterly breaks.

ON JOAN: He’s gone forever. And she knows it.

Alan sees her sadness. He’s embarrassed, angry, bitter.

ALAN TURING (CONT’D)
... At least it worked out for one
of us.
(MORE)

ALAN TURING (CONT’D)
You got what you wanted, didn’t
you? Work. A husband. A normal
life.

She looks at him quietly for a moment.
JOAN CLARKE
But no one normal could have done
this.
(gestures to Christopher)
This morning I took a train through
a city that would not exist if it
wasn’t for you. I bought a ticket
from a man who would likely be dead
if it wasn’t for you. I read up on
my work, a whole field of
scientific inquiry that only exists
because of you. If you wish you
could have been ‘normal’, I can
promise you, I do not. The world is
an infinitely better place
precisely because you weren’t.

ALAN TURING
Is that what you think?

JOAN CLARKE
... I think that sometimes it is
the very people who no one imagines
anything of who do the things that
no one can imagine.

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Drama","Historical"]

Summary In a tense and heartbreaking scene, Joan Clarke confronts Alan Turing about his emotional turmoil and the effects of his chemical castration. Horrified by his choice to undergo treatment instead of facing prison, Joan tries to offer support, but Alan's vulnerability leads him to push her away. As they discuss his struggles and her new life, Joan reassures Alan of his significance, emphasizing that he is not alone. The scene captures their emotional conflict, highlighting Alan's isolation despite Joan's attempts to connect, leaving a lingering sense of sadness.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
  • Dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Heavy emotional content may be overwhelming for some viewers

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9.2

The scene is powerful and emotionally charged, delving into the devastating effects of Alan's treatment and the deep connection between him and Joan. The dialogue is poignant and the character dynamics are compelling.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of exploring Alan Turing's chemical castration and its impact on his life is a powerful and thought-provoking one. It adds depth to his character and raises important questions about identity and society.

Plot: 9

The plot of the scene revolves around the revelation of Alan's treatment and Joan's reaction to it, adding a significant emotional and dramatic layer to the story. It advances the character arcs and deepens the themes of the screenplay.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh perspective on historical events and personal struggles, presenting a nuanced portrayal of a complex character in a challenging situation. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds depth and realism to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 9.5

The characters of Alan and Joan are portrayed with depth and complexity in this scene, showcasing their emotional vulnerabilities and strengths. Their relationship is central to the scene and drives the emotional impact.

Character Changes: 9

Both Alan and Joan undergo significant emotional changes in this scene, with Alan grappling with the effects of his treatment and Joan confronting her feelings for him. Their relationship evolves in a poignant and impactful way.

Internal Goal: 9

Alan's internal goal is to maintain his sense of identity and dignity in the face of societal pressure and medical intervention. He wants to hold on to his autonomy and intellectual capabilities despite the chemical castration he is undergoing.

External Goal: 8

Alan's external goal is to resist the forced hormonal therapy and maintain control over his life and work. He wants to find a way to continue his research and keep his machine, Christopher, safe.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8.5

The conflict in the scene is primarily internal, focusing on Alan's emotional turmoil and the choices he faces regarding his treatment. The tension between his desire for acceptance and his fear of losing his work drives the emotional stakes.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Alan facing internal and external challenges that threaten his autonomy and identity. The audience is kept in suspense, unsure of how Alan will navigate the obstacles in his path.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in this scene as Alan faces the devastating consequences of his treatment and the potential loss of his work. Joan's support and the emotional turmoil add weight to the characters' decisions and actions.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by deepening the emotional and thematic layers of the screenplay, particularly in relation to Alan's personal struggles and the dynamics of his relationships. It adds complexity and depth to the narrative.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the characters' conflicting motivations, unexpected revelations, and emotional intensity. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of how the characters will resolve their dilemmas.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the societal expectations of conformity and the individual's right to self-determination. Alan's struggle against the imposed treatment reflects the clash between personal freedom and institutional control.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9.8

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking feelings of sadness, empathy, and admiration for the characters. The revelation of Alan's treatment and Joan's response create a deeply moving and memorable moment.

Dialogue: 9.2

The dialogue in the scene is poignant and emotionally charged, effectively conveying the internal struggles and conflicts of the characters. It adds depth to their relationship and enhances the emotional impact of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its emotional depth, moral complexity, and character dynamics. The audience is drawn into the characters' struggles and dilemmas, creating a sense of empathy and tension.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension, emotional intensity, and character dynamics. The rhythm of the dialogue and actions enhances the scene's impact and engagement.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene adheres to the expected format for its genre, with clear scene descriptions, character actions, and dialogue cues. The formatting enhances the readability and impact of the scene.

Structure: 9

The scene follows a well-paced and emotionally engaging structure, building tension and conflict through character interactions and revelations. The dialogue and actions flow naturally, contributing to the scene's effectiveness.


Critique
  • The emotional stakes in this scene are high, and the dialogue effectively conveys the tension between Alan and Joan. However, the pacing feels uneven at times, particularly during Alan's panic attack. While it's important to show his emotional turmoil, the scene could benefit from a more gradual build-up to this moment to enhance its impact.
  • Joan's character is portrayed as caring and proactive, but her responses to Alan's situation could be more varied. Instead of consistently pushing for action, she might express moments of vulnerability or frustration, which would add depth to her character and make her more relatable.
  • The use of the crossword puzzle as a motif is poignant, symbolizing Alan's decline. However, the transition from his initial interest to his inability to engage with it could be more pronounced. Perhaps a brief flashback to a time when Alan excelled at puzzles could heighten the contrast and emphasize his current state.
  • Alan's dialogue about Christopher, his machine, as his true love is powerful, but it might benefit from a clearer connection to his emotional state. Expanding on why he feels this way about the machine could deepen the audience's understanding of his character and his isolation.
  • The scene's conclusion, where Joan reassures Alan of his significance, is uplifting but could be more impactful if it included a moment of silence or reflection after her speech. This would allow the weight of her words to resonate more with both Alan and the audience.
Suggestions
  • Consider restructuring the dialogue to create a more dynamic back-and-forth between Alan and Joan, allowing for moments of silence or hesitation that reflect their emotional states.
  • Incorporate physical actions or gestures that reflect Alan's internal struggle during his panic attack, such as clenching his fists or pacing, to visually convey his distress.
  • Add a brief flashback or memory sequence that highlights Alan's past successes with puzzles, contrasting it with his current inability to engage with the crossword, thereby emphasizing his decline.
  • Explore Joan's emotional journey more deeply by allowing her to express her own fears or frustrations about Alan's situation, making her character more multi-dimensional.
  • End the scene with a moment of silence or a lingering shot on Alan's face after Joan's speech, allowing the audience to absorb the weight of her words and the gravity of Alan's situation.



Scene 59 -  Echoes of Loneliness
EXT. SHERBORNE SCHOOL FOR BOYS - DAY - 1927

Young Alan sits under the tree where Christopher first taught
him about cryptography. He’s holding the book that
Christopher gave him.

He starts to cry. He’s alone now, and he will be for a very
long time.

CUT TO:


INT. ALAN TURING’S HOUSE - DAY - 1954

Alan sits at his desk, going over papers. He closes a book.
Gets up. Walks past Christopher, giving him a look. He turns
off the light, walking away down the dim hallway.


EXT. ALAN TURING’S HOUSE - DAY - 1954

A familiar scene: A HALF-DOZEN POLICE OFFICERS swarm the
Manchester home of (former) mathematics professor Alan
Turing.

Detective Nock passes the double-parked police cars and
ascends the front steps of Alan’s house.

Remembers the first time he was here.


INT. ALAN TURING’S HOUSE - CONTINUOUS

A CONSTABLE leads Detective Nock upstairs, gesturing into the
open BEDROOM door.

In the doorway, we see a team of COPS tending to something on
the bed. There’s an APPLE on the nightstand.
CONSTABLE
Suicide, looks like. Half-eaten
apple next to the bed. Some sort of
white powder all over it.

DETECTIVE NOCK
Cyanide.
(off the Constable’s look)
You’ll find a tub of it downstairs.

The Constable makes a curious face: How can you know that?

Nock approaches the bed, and stares into the lifeless face of
Alan Turing.

ON NOCK: Alan Turing made the world a better place... And
Nock killed him for it.

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Drama","Biography"]

Summary The scene juxtaposes young Alan Turing's sorrow over the loss of his friend Christopher in 1927 with the tragic aftermath of his suicide in 1954. As older Alan reflects on his memories, police officers, led by Detective Nock, discover his lifeless body, revealing the profound loneliness and despair that ultimately led to his demise. The somber tone highlights the irony of Alan's significant contributions to the world, overshadowed by his personal struggles.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Poignant portrayal of tragedy
  • Character complexity
Weaknesses
  • Somber tone may be too heavy for some audiences

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9.2

The scene is emotionally powerful, well-structured, and effectively conveys the tragic end of Alan Turing's life.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of portraying Alan Turing's final moments in a poignant and reflective manner is executed with depth and sensitivity.

Plot: 9

The plot revolves around the tragic end of Alan Turing's life, effectively conveying the emotional impact of his struggles and achievements.

Originality: 9

The scene demonstrates a high level of originality through its exploration of historical events and moral dilemmas, as well as the authenticity of the characters' emotions and interactions.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters, especially Alan Turing, are portrayed with depth and complexity, adding to the emotional resonance of the scene.

Character Changes: 8

Alan Turing undergoes a significant change in his final moments, grappling with his identity, regrets, and the consequences of societal prejudice.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to come to terms with his loneliness and the consequences of his actions. It reflects his deeper need for acceptance and understanding, as well as his fear of being alone and misunderstood.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to deal with the police investigation and the aftermath of Alan Turing's death. It reflects the immediate circumstances and challenges he is facing in terms of legal consequences and personal guilt.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The internal conflict within Alan Turing, as well as the societal conflict surrounding his identity, adds depth to the scene.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist facing legal consequences and personal guilt that create suspense and uncertainty for the audience.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high as Alan Turing faces the devastating consequences of societal discrimination and personal struggles.

Story Forward: 8

The scene serves as a poignant conclusion to Alan Turing's story, wrapping up his narrative with a tragic and impactful ending.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists in the protagonist's journey and the moral ambiguity of the characters' actions.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the clash between societal norms and individuality. Alan Turing's unconventional beliefs and actions challenge the traditional values of the time period, leading to his tragic fate.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9.5

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking feelings of grief, empathy, and reflection.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is poignant and impactful, conveying the emotional turmoil and tragedy of the situation.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its emotional depth, moral complexity, and historical significance, drawing the audience into the protagonist's internal and external struggles.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and emotional impact, enhancing the overall effectiveness of the storytelling.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings and descriptive action lines.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene effectively transitions between different time periods and locations, maintaining a cohesive narrative flow.


Critique
  • The scene effectively juxtaposes the innocence of Young Alan's past with the tragic reality of his later life, creating a poignant emotional impact. However, the transition between the two timelines could be more fluid. The abrupt cut from Young Alan crying under the tree to the older Alan in his house feels jarring. A more gradual transition or a visual motif connecting the two moments could enhance the emotional resonance.
  • Detective Nock's internal conflict is hinted at but could be more explicitly developed. The line 'Nock killed him for it' is powerful but lacks context. Expanding on Nock's feelings of guilt or regret could deepen the audience's understanding of his character and the weight of his actions.
  • The use of the apple as a symbol is effective, but it could be further emphasized. The half-eaten apple and the white powder suggest a clear connection to Turing's death, yet the scene could benefit from a brief moment of reflection on the significance of the apple in relation to Turing's life and work, perhaps through a flashback or a voiceover.
  • The dialogue is minimal, which works well for the somber tone of the scene. However, adding a line or two of dialogue from Nock or the Constable could provide insight into their perceptions of Turing, enhancing the emotional weight of the moment. This could also serve to contrast their views with Turing's legacy.
  • The pacing of the scene is generally effective, but the final moments could be more impactful. The line 'Alan Turing made the world a better place...' is a strong sentiment, but it feels somewhat rushed. Allowing a moment of silence or a lingering shot on Turing's face could give the audience time to absorb the gravity of the situation.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a visual motif that connects Young Alan's moment of despair with the older Alan's isolation, such as a recurring image of the tree or the book given by Christopher.
  • Expand on Detective Nock's internal conflict by including a brief moment of reflection or dialogue that reveals his feelings about Turing's contributions and the implications of his death.
  • Enhance the symbolism of the apple by incorporating a flashback or voiceover that reflects on its significance in Turing's life, perhaps referencing his childhood or his work.
  • Introduce a line or two of dialogue from Nock or the Constable to provide context for their perceptions of Turing, contrasting their views with the legacy he left behind.
  • Allow for a moment of silence or a lingering shot on Turing's face after Nock's realization to emphasize the emotional weight of the scene and give the audience time to process the tragedy.



Scene 60 -  Bonfire of Secrets
EXT. BLETCHLEY PARK - NIGHT - 1945

Alan, Joan, Hugh, John, and Peter stand before the MASSIVE
BONFIRE that’s been built in the center of the Park.

TITLE: Alan Turing committed suicide in 1954.

TITLE: His machine was never perfected, though it
generated a whole field of research into what became
nicknamed “Turing Machines.” Today, we call them “computers.”

Hugh comes over and puts one arm around Alan, another around
Joan. They have a moment: They did it. They won the war.

John throws a stack of Enigma messages high into the air —


— They watch as the papers flutter down into the fire.

They laugh, and one by one they all join in:

They FROLIC and PLAY as they throw every document, every slip
of scratch paper, every bit of evidence they were there into
the fire.

TITLE: In 1990, John Cairncross publicly confessed to having
been a Soviet agent. He was never prosecuted.

TITLE: In 2013, Turing was granted an official pardon by the
government. Approximately 49,000 other gay men were convicted
and punished under the same code between 1885 and 1967.

TITLE: The logo of Apple Computer - an apple with a bite
taken out of it - has long been rumored to be a silent
tribute to Turing. These rumors have never been confirmed.

ALAN TURING (V.O.)
Well then.

ON ALAN AND THE TEAM: Hugging and playing as everything they
did is burnt to a crisp.

ALAN TURING (V.O.)
Any questions?

BLACK.
Genres: ["Historical Drama","War"]

Summary In a celebratory scene at Bletchley Park in 1945, Alan Turing and his colleagues—Joan, Hugh, John, and Peter—gather around a massive bonfire to commemorate their victory in the war. They symbolically release their burdens by throwing Enigma messages and documents into the flames, marking the end of their secretive work. The atmosphere is filled with joy and camaraderie, as Alan reflects on their achievements through a voiceover. The scene blends celebration with bittersweet remembrance, culminating in Alan's poignant question, 'Any questions?' as the screen fades to black.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Symbolism
  • Character resolution
Weaknesses
  • Lack of significant dialogue
  • Limited external conflict

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9.2

The scene effectively captures the emotional weight of the characters' journey, provides closure, and leaves a lasting impact on the audience.


Story Content

Concept: 9.5

The concept of burning all evidence of their work to symbolize closure and victory is innovative and impactful, adding depth to the scene.

Plot: 9

The plot of the scene focuses on the characters' final act of letting go of the past and moving forward, providing a satisfying conclusion to their journey.

Originality: 9

The scene showcases a fresh approach to historical events by focusing on the personal and emotional consequences of war efforts. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters' actions and interactions in the scene reflect their growth, camaraderie, and shared victory, adding depth to their arcs.

Character Changes: 9

The characters undergo a subtle but significant change as they let go of the past and embrace the future, showing growth and resolution.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to find closure and acceptance for their contributions to the war effort. It reflects their need for recognition and validation of their efforts.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to destroy all evidence of their work at Bletchley Park, symbolizing the end of that chapter in their lives.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 3

The scene lacks significant conflict as it focuses more on resolution and closure.

Opposition: 6

The opposition in the scene is moderate, with the characters facing internal conflicts and moral dilemmas rather than external obstacles.

High Stakes: 6

The stakes are moderate in the scene as the characters face the decision to burn all evidence of their work, but the focus is more on emotional resolution than external conflict.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by providing closure to the characters' journey and setting the stage for their future.

Unpredictability: 6

This scene is unpredictable because it introduces unexpected historical facts and personal revelations, adding depth and complexity to the narrative.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the moral ambiguity of war efforts and the consequences of secrecy and espionage. It challenges the protagonist's beliefs in the greater good and the sacrifices made for it.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9.5

The scene has a high emotional impact due to the characters' journey, the symbolic burning of the documents, and the bittersweet tone of closure and victory.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue in the scene is minimal but impactful, conveying the characters' emotions and the significance of their actions.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it combines historical facts with personal reflections, creating a sense of closure and emotional resonance for the characters and the audience.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by balancing emotional moments with historical facts, creating a dynamic and engaging narrative flow.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre with clear transitions between dialogue, action, and narrative elements.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre by setting up the historical context, introducing the characters, and resolving the conflict within the scene.


Critique
  • The scene effectively juxtaposes the celebratory atmosphere of victory with the somber reality of Turing's fate, creating a poignant contrast that resonates with the audience. However, the transition from celebration to the stark titles could be smoother to maintain emotional continuity.
  • The use of titles to convey historical context is informative but may disrupt the flow of the scene. The titles could be integrated more organically into the narrative, perhaps through dialogue or visual storytelling, rather than as abrupt interjections.
  • The dialogue and actions of the characters during the bonfire scene feel somewhat disconnected from the gravity of Turing's eventual fate. While the joy of victory is palpable, it might benefit from a moment of reflection or acknowledgment of the sacrifices made, particularly Turing's, to deepen the emotional impact.
  • The character dynamics are well-established, with the camaraderie among Alan, Joan, Hugh, John, and Peter shining through. However, the scene could explore more of Alan's internal conflict or feelings about the destruction of their work, which would add depth to his character and highlight the irony of their celebration.
  • The final voiceover from Alan Turing feels somewhat abrupt and lacks a strong emotional punch. It could be enhanced by incorporating a more reflective tone that ties back to the themes of sacrifice, identity, and the legacy of his work.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment of silence or a shared glance among the characters before they begin celebrating, allowing them to acknowledge the weight of their actions and Turing's sacrifice.
  • Integrate the historical titles into the scene more fluidly, perhaps through a character's dialogue or a visual montage that captures the essence of Turing's contributions and struggles.
  • Explore Alan's emotional state more deeply during the bonfire scene. A line or two reflecting on the destruction of their work or his thoughts on the future could enhance the emotional resonance.
  • Revise the final voiceover to include a more contemplative reflection on Turing's legacy, perhaps touching on the irony of their celebration juxtaposed with his tragic fate, to leave the audience with a lasting impression.
  • Consider using visual metaphors or symbols during the bonfire scene to represent Turing's contributions and struggles, such as a close-up of the flames consuming the papers, symbolizing the loss of knowledge and the weight of secrecy.