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Scene 1 -  The President's Call
1 EXT. GRANITE COUNTRY HOUSE - ICELAND - DAWN 1

In the grey dawn, a formidable house in the Icelandic
wilderness. A single light burns in an upper window.

Caption: Reykjavik, Iceland 4:15am. July 20th, 1972

In the distance, a POLICE CAR approaches, lights flashing.

2 INT. GRANITE COUNTRY HOUSE - ICELAND 2

CLOSE on a hand gripping the padded arm of an armchair. The
index finger of the hand is PICKING at a thread.

The HAND belongs to an intense young man with black hair
swept back. He sits motionless, peering at a chess game
which is a few moves old. The man is BOBBY FISCHER.

A SINGLE FLY begins to buzz against the window.

Bobby eyes the fly. The movement of his eyes is immense.
Murderous. The thread he has been picking at suddenly TEARS
with a THUNDEROUS RIPPING SOUND.

The fly is trying to get out the window.

3 BOBBY'S PERCEPTION 3

The BUZZING of the fly is a howling hurricane from hell.

4 BACK TO AN OBJECTIVE VIEW OF THE ROOM 4

Silence.

Bobby stalks the fly -- CRUSHING IT with a coffee cup.

He sits back down in a business-like way and stares at the
board again, his fingernail beginning to work another thread.

HEADLIGHTS sweep the room and we HEAR a car door SLAM.
Bobby's face betrays no reaction -- but his whole hand CLAWS
the arm of the chair like an animal in a trap.

At the SOUND of someone running upstairs, he glances from
the chessboard to the door, as a knock comes on the door:
Pink Revision 10-01-13 2.

5 BOBBY'S PERCEPTION 5

Someone is POUNDING on the door -- it SOUNDS like the Gestapo
in an old war movie.

6 BACK TO AN OBJECTIVE VIEW 6

The knock on the door is polite.

Bobby grips the armchair, can't stand the noise that only he
can hear -- and he gets to his feet, UPENDING a lamp.

Another knock.

Bobby pinballs around like the fly trying to escape --
breaking shutters as he tries to close them, tripping over a
table. ANOTHER KNOCK, even louder.

Then, just as suddenly, his eyes FOCUS on the chess board.
A new light comes into his eyes as he stares at it -- and
his breathing begins to slow.

A7 ALL SOUND BEGINS TO FADE A7

As he moves toward the board -- his fingers reaching out --
in ultra slo-mo -- to make...a...single...move.

B7 BACK TO THE SCENE B7

Bobby closes his eyes. Content. He has solved the puzzle.

CAPTION: This is the true story of Bobby Fischer.

The door opens. A guy stands there -- mid-40's, pugnacious.
This is MARSHALL. He stares at the debris of the room. And
at Bobby, who appears perfectly calm.

BOBBY
There was a fly. It's dead now.

A huge agenda between the two men. Marshall composes himself.

MARSHALL
(quoting)
"Never before in human history has
the outcome of an entire global war
of ideas rested on the shoulders of
one man."

The slightest smile begins to form on Bobby's lips.
Pink Revision 10-01-13 3.

MARSHALL (CONT'D)
I'm quoting the President of the
United States. He was talking about
you. To me. The President of the
United States talking to me. He
called three times. Three.

Marshall lifts the receiver, places a phone back on the hook.

MARSHALL (CONT'D)
He's been trying to reach you.

Bobby refuses to be intimidated. If anything, his smile
widens. Marshall rights an upturned chair.

MARSHALL (CONT'D)
In Moscow, Brezhnev opened his only
bottle of 1868 Louis Roederer. Left
over from the revolution. You know
why?
(hammering it home)
Because. He. Heard. You Quit.

Bobby walks to the window, looks out at the half-light.

MARSHALL (CONT'D)
There are boys your age in Vietnam
giving their lives right now in the
fight against Communism. And all
you have to do is win a game of chess.
(plaintively)
...Say something. Bobby, please...
Bobby?

Bobby doesn't answer. Instead, he stares out into the night,
and we HEAR another voice.

JOAN (V.O.)
...Bobby?

7 OMIT 7

8 IN THE FISCHER APARTMENT - NIGHT - BROOKLYN 8

Bobby, age 8, stands looking out another window. It is 1952.
JOAN, Bobby's sister, 14, comes up beside him.

JOAN
Bobby, it's bedtime.
Yellow Revision 10-11-13 4.

BOBBY
That man's out there.

Joan looks out. A SEDAN is parked under a streetlight. A
LIT MATCH briefly illuminates a MAN'S FACE as he lights a
cigarette. Is that a telephoto lens in his hand? She subtly
turns him away from the window.

JOAN
Have you eaten anything? There's
actually food in the house. Go.

Bobby heads back into a party in full swing. The apartment
is packed with Boho's, Eastern European emigres, NY
intellectuals. A banner reads, "Brooklyn-Bed Sty American
Communist Party PARTY! Coltrane wails on the record player.

BOBBY IS INVISIBLE IN THIS ADULT WORLD

Adults LOOM above him, laughing. A MIXED COUPLE making out,
open-mouthed. A man smoking reefer smiles beatifically. He
pauses to scribble chess notations in his little notebook.

PARTY GUEST #1
Half the witnesses they call are
Communists, the other half are Jews!

PARTY GUEST #3
If you're both, do you testify twice?

PARTY GUEST #1
You can make jokes, Mr. Liberal --
your entire family wasn't gassed in
the camps, alava'shalom.

Regina, meanwhile, is in the middle of of an intense
conversation with a BALDING MAN. They WHISPER harshly.

REGINA
We agreed he wouldn't know who you
are--!

BALDING MAN
Fine. But that doesn't mean----
Yellow Revision 10-11-13 5.

REGINA
--So I don't see the point!

BALDING MAN
The point is--- Christ, just let me
talk to him, then I'll go...

9 IN THE DIRTY KITCHEN 9

Bobby is making a sandwich. The BALDING MAN approaches.

BALDING MAN
Howdy doody, Bobby...

BOBBY
Hullo.

BALDING MAN
Remember me...?

BOBBY
Sort of.

BALDING MAN
I'm your Uncle Paul. From Denver.
How's school?

BOBBY
Okay.

BALDING MAN
Studying hard?

BOBBY
I guess.

BALDING MAN
Ever heard of Physics?

BOBBY
No.

BALDING MAN
But you're good in Math?

BOBBY
I guess.

The man stares at him -- there's something pregnant and
unspoken in his regard -- but also somehow thwarted.

BALDING MAN
I hear you like chess.
Yellow Revision 10-11-13 6.

BOBBY
Yeah.

He looks around, takes a five dollar bill from his pocket.

BALDING MAN
Here. Buy a new set. Just don't
tell your mother where it came from...

Bobby's eyes widen as he stares at the bill. The man reaches
out to HUG him, but Bobby shrinks away. Uncle Paul frowns,
settles for patting Bobby on the head and then walks away.

10 IN THE LIVING ROOM 10

A heated discussion of Zionism, the Rosenbergs. Bobby wanders
past, looks out the window. The DARK SEDAN is still there.

Regina is nearby, deep in conversation -- IN RUSSIAN.

BOBBY
Mama--

REGINA
Not now, honey.

BOBBY
I have to talk to you.

REGINA
Honey, it's past your bedtime.

BOBBY
That car's down there again.

Regina's antennae go up.

REGINA
What car?

BOBBY
You told me to tell you... A red,
1951 Chevy, NY license plate HI62579.

Regina apologizes to her friend in Russian, kneels down.
Yellow Revision 10-11-13 7.

REGINA
Honey, it's okay--

BOBBY
But you told me--

REGINA
Bobby, you remember what I said about
not letting them intimidate us?
Yes, they watch us -- because we
represent something very threatening
to them, to the status quo. You
remember what that is?

BOBBY
(by rote)
Revolution.

REGINA
Yes! And sometimes these bad people
want to know about our work so they
spy on us. So if someone comes up to
you on the street and asks you
questions about me, or Mommy's
friends, what do you say?

BOBBY
(by rote)
I have nothing to say to you.

REGINA
That's my big boy.
(to Joan)
Joanie, he's got mustard on his shirt.
He has to wear that to school
tomorrow. Soak it for me?

JOAN
Love to.

She takes Bobby's hand and leads him away.

JOAN (CONT'D)
Bedtime for Bonzo.

She tickles as she leads him toward the bedroom
Pink Revision 10-01-13 7A.
Genres: ["Drama","Biography","Thriller"]

Summary In a secluded house in Iceland in 1972, chess player Bobby Fischer is fixated on a chess game while becoming increasingly agitated by a buzzing fly. When Marshall informs him that the President of the United States has been trying to reach him, Fischer remains calm and unintimidated, ignoring Marshall's attempts to persuade him to take the calls. The scene ends with Fischer continuing to focus on his chess game while Marshall persists in trying to convince him.
Strengths
  • Intense atmosphere
  • Complex characters
  • Intriguing plot setup
  • Sharp dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue may be too expository
  • Slight lack of clarity in certain character motivations

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is engaging, intense, and sets up multiple layers of conflict and intrigue. It effectively introduces the main character and his internal struggles while hinting at larger political and personal challenges.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of a young chess prodigy caught in a web of political and personal turmoil is compelling and well-executed. The scene effectively establishes the central themes and conflicts of the story.

Plot: 8

The plot is well-developed, with multiple layers of conflict and tension introduced. The scene effectively sets up the main storyline and hints at the challenges Bobby will face.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh perspective on the life of Bobby Fischer, blending personal struggles with political intrigue. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds depth to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-defined and complex, especially Bobby Fischer and his mother Regina. Their interactions and dynamics add depth to the scene and set up potential character arcs.

Character Changes: 8

Bobby undergoes a subtle change in the scene, from intense anxiety to a moment of clarity and resolution. This sets up potential character growth and development.

Internal Goal: 8

Bobby Fischer's internal goal is to solve the puzzle presented by the chess game and maintain his composure in the face of external pressures.

External Goal: 7

Bobby Fischer's external goal is to navigate the political and personal pressures surrounding his chess career, including interactions with the President of the United States and his family.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is multi-layered, including internal conflict within Bobby, external political pressures, and personal relationships. This adds depth and tension to the scene.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with external pressures and personal conflicts challenging Bobby Fischer's decisions and actions.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in the scene, with Bobby facing personal, political, and professional challenges. The scene effectively conveys the importance of his decisions and actions.

Story Forward: 9

The scene effectively moves the story forward by introducing key conflicts, characters, and themes. It sets up the narrative trajectory and hints at future developments.

Unpredictability: 7

The scene is somewhat predictable in its focus on Bobby Fischer's internal and external struggles, but the intensity of the conflicts keeps the audience on edge.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict revolves around the idea of individual responsibility and the weight of one person's actions on a global scale. Bobby Fischer's choices in the chess world have far-reaching consequences, reflecting a clash between personal ambition and societal expectations.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from tension and anxiety to defiance and determination. The emotional impact sets up the stakes for Bobby and the challenges he will face.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is sharp and reveals important information about the characters and their relationships. It effectively conveys tension and conflict.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its intense atmosphere, high stakes, and complex character dynamics. The tension keeps the audience invested in Bobby Fischer's journey.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, leading to a climactic moment of resolution for Bobby Fischer.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting adheres to the expected format for a screenplay, with clear scene descriptions and character actions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a structured format, transitioning smoothly between internal and external conflicts. The pacing builds tension effectively.


Critique
  • The opening line of the scene is very strong and immediately sets the tone for the scene. The use of the word "formidable" is particularly effective in creating a sense of mystery and foreboding.
  • The description of Bobby Fischer's appearance is also very effective in creating a sense of his character. The use of the words "intense" and "murderous" are particularly effective in conveying his determination and focus.
  • The use of sound effects in the scene is also very effective in creating a sense of atmosphere. The buzzing of the fly and the knocking on the door are both very effective in creating a sense of tension and suspense.
  • The dialogue between Bobby and Marshall is also very well written. The use of the quote from the President of the United States is particularly effective in conveying the importance of the match and the stakes involved.
  • The ending of the scene is also very effective. The use of the flashback to Bobby's childhood is particularly effective in conveying his motivations and his determination to win the match.
  • Overall, this is a very well-written scene that effectively sets up the conflict for the rest of the film.
Suggestions
  • One suggestion would be to add more detail to the description of the room. This would help to create a more vivid sense of the setting and would also help to give the reader a better sense of Bobby's surroundings.
  • Another suggestion would be to add more dialogue between Bobby and Marshall. This would help to develop their relationship and would also help to give the reader a better sense of their motivations.
  • Finally, one suggestion would be to add more action to the scene. This would help to create a more dynamic and exciting scene.



Scene 2 -  Bobby's Chess Game Interrupted
11 INT. BOBBY'S BEDROOM - LATER 11

Bobby lies in bed, wide awake. We HEAR the noise of the
party outside -- loud conversation, boisterous laughter.
Yellow Revision 10-11-13 8.

Bobby stares at the window -- is the man still out there?
We feel his anxiety building as he LISTENS INTENTLY to the
sound of the shade SLAPPING against the window sill.

Suddenly, he sits up, opens a drawer. He works fast -- like
someone breaking the rules -- lights a candle -- rolls the
wax into balls and stuffs them into his ears.

The laughter outside is muted.

Bobby stuffs a ball into his other ear. With both ears
blocked -- a sudden and wonderful silence!

Bobby carries the candle to a CHESSBOARD. In absolute silence
he stares at the chessboard. In his hand is the NOTEBOOK.

CLOSE on Bobby's face, candlelit, a study in intensity.

As Bobby stares at the chessboard, everything else in the
room literally begins to disappear. The bed, the crummy
dresser -- until all that is left is a boy and a chessboard.

12 THE CHESSBOARD 12

Pieces move on their own. Multiple exposures. A move yields
hundreds of options. The counter offers thousands more.

CLOSE on Bobby's face. Ethereal Music. Bliss. Then...

13 THE DOOR TO HIS BEDROOM IS FLUNG OPEN 13

Light floods in. Harsh SOUNDS. The spell is broken. The
two open-mouthed kissers are looking for a place to fuck.

KISSING MAN
Whoopsee-daisy...
(sees Bobby)
Sorry, kiddo.

BOBBY
Get out of my room. GET OUT!

Regina appears behind them.

REGINA
Bobby! Those are our guests!
(sees his chessboard)
Jesus, enough already with the chess!

She reaches for the board. Pieces fall, ruining the game.

REGINA (CONT'D)
(calling out)
Joan--!
Yellow Revision 10-11-13 9.

Joan appears.

REGINA (CONT'D)
Put him to bed, will ya?

As Regina returns to the party. Joan kneels to pick up the
fallen pieces. Bobby looks up at her.

BOBBY
Please...?

JOAN
Okay. One game.

She sits beside him on the bed and sets up the board.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary Bobby, an avid chess player, is trying to enjoy a game in his bedroom when a party outside his window disrupts his peace. He uses wax balls to block the noise, but his concentration is broken when a couple enters his room looking for a place to have sex. His mother, Regina, scolds him for his obsession, but Joan, his sister, agrees to play one more game before bed, resolving the conflict temporarily.
Strengths
  • Effective use of silence and focus to convey emotions
  • Strong character reactions and interactions
Weaknesses
  • Slightly predictable outcome with the party guests interrupting Bobby

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively conveys Bobby's internal struggle and determination through the use of silence, intense focus, and contrasting external noise.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of using silence and intense focus to highlight Bobby's anxiety and determination is executed well.

Plot: 7

The plot progresses as Bobby tries to focus on his chess game amidst distractions, showcasing his dedication and internal conflict.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh approach to the theme of finding peace in chaos, with the use of sensory details and intense character emotions. The authenticity of Bobby's actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8

Bobby's anxiety and determination are well portrayed, while Regina and Joan provide contrasting reactions to his behavior.

Character Changes: 7

Bobby shows a range of emotions from anxiety to determination, while Regina and Joan display contrasting reactions.

Internal Goal: 8

Bobby's internal goal in this scene is to find peace and silence amidst the chaos of the party outside. This reflects his deeper need for control and tranquility in his own space.

External Goal: 7

Bobby's external goal is to protect his personal space and maintain control over his environment. This reflects the immediate challenge of dealing with unwanted guests invading his room.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

There is a conflict between Bobby's need for silence and focus and the party guests' intrusion.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the guests' intrusion creating a significant obstacle for Bobby to overcome.

High Stakes: 6

The stakes are relatively high for Bobby as he prepares for an important chess match amidst distractions.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by highlighting Bobby's internal struggle and dedication to his chess game.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the sudden intrusion of the guests and the unexpected turn of events that disrupt Bobby's moment of peace.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between Bobby's desire for peace and control versus the societal expectation of socializing and partying. This challenges Bobby's values of personal space and tranquility.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes anxiety, determination, and frustration in the audience, especially through Bobby's actions and reactions.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue effectively conveys the tension and conflict between Bobby and the party guests, as well as his plea to Joan.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the intense emotions and conflict, as well as the unique sensory details that draw the reader in.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, leading to a climactic moment when Bobby's peace is disrupted.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings and action descriptions. The dialogue is formatted correctly.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm contribute to its effectiveness.


Critique
  • The scene starts with Bobby lying in bed, awake and anxious due to the noise of a party outside. This is a good way to create tension and suspense, and it also gives us a glimpse into Bobby's character. However, the scene quickly becomes repetitive as Bobby stuffs wax balls into his ears and stares at the chessboard. This action is repeated several times, and it becomes tedious after a while.
  • The dialogue between Bobby and his mother, Regina, is also somewhat forced and unnatural. Regina's line, "Jesus, enough already with the chess!" feels like a cheap attempt to get a laugh from the audience, and it doesn't really add anything to the scene.
  • The scene ends with Joan agreeing to play one more game of chess with Bobby before bed. This is a nice way to show the bond between Bobby and Joan, but it also feels like a bit of a cop-out. The audience is left wondering what will happen next, and the scene doesn't really provide any closure.
  • Overall, the scene is well-written and engaging, but it could be improved by cutting down on the repetitive action and adding more meaningful dialogue.
Suggestions
  • Start the scene with Bobby already awake and anxious. This will help to create a sense of urgency and suspense, and it will also allow you to get into the action more quickly.
  • Cut down on the repetitive action of Bobby stuffing wax balls into his ears and staring at the chessboard. This action is tedious and it doesn't really add anything to the scene.
  • Add more meaningful dialogue between Bobby and his mother, Regina. This dialogue should help to develop their characters and it should also provide some insight into Bobby's motivations.
  • End the scene with a more satisfying conclusion. This could involve having Bobby and Joan actually play their game of chess, or it could involve having Bobby make a decision about what he wants to do with his life.
  • Overall, the scene is well-written and engaging, but it could be improved by cutting down on the repetitive action and adding more meaningful dialogue.



Scene 3 -  Bobby's Chess Obsession Evaluated by Dr. Mengarini
14 INT. BROOKLYN JEWISH HOSPITAL - WAITING ROOM - DAY 14

Bobby, Joan and Regina sit in a waiting room. Regina smooths
Bobby's hair.

REGINA
Now Bobby, don't suddenly start acting
normal and make me look ridiculous...

15 INT. DR. MENGARINI'S OFFICE - LATER 15

On DOCTOR MENGARINI's desk is a LARGE WOODEN CHESS SET.
Across the desk we find Bobby. The game is fifteen moves
old. Smoke from Megarini's pipe wafts among the chess pieces.

MENGARINI
So Bobby, you go to the movies?
(Bobby nods without
looking up)
You like Westerns? Bang, bang?

Bobby nods again. Mengarini glances at Regina.

REGINA
Bobby, have you ever been to the
Moon on the subway?

Bobby nods and moves a piece. He's in a kind of trance.

REGINA (CONT'D)
Once I poured a glass of water over
his head...

Mengarini studies Bobby as Bobby studies the board.

REGINA (CONT'D)
If I take the pieces away he just
plays in his head. Day and night.
Yellow Revision 10-11-13 9A.

Mengarini moves his knight. Bobby counters.

MENGARINI
What do you dream about, Bobby?

Silence. Regina shrugs. Mengarini takes Bobby's rook.
Green Revision 10-14-13 10.

MENGARINI (CONT'D)
You like Parchesi? Monopoly? *
(to Joan)
Does he play other games with you?

JOAN
He says chess is the only game that
doesn't need luck.

Mengarini has barely finished moving when Bobby makes a move.
This startles Mengarini, who frowns at the new positions.

JOAN (CONT'D)
And he cries when he loses.

Bobby glares at her briefly then returns his focus to the
game. Mengarini squints at the board, then makes his move.

MENGARINI
I play chess at quite a high level.
His game is pretty good. Not
exceptional, though.
(magnanimously)
A draw?

Bobby isn't listening. He's in the zone. He initiates an
exchange: his Queen takes Mengarini's Bishop.

Mengarini grunts, makes another move. Then Bobby pounces.

Mengarini tries to escape but the trap has been sprung.
After several moves it's clear he's doomed.

Mengarini is astonished. Bobby looks up at him -- something
new and...well...murderous in his expression.

JOAN
He hates draws.

MENGARINI
Where the hell did that come from?

REGINA
So now you see.

Mengarini is still staring at the board in disbelief.

MENGARINI
Who taught him to play like this?
Yellow Revision 10-11-13 11.

JOAN
I bought him the set. Last year.

MENGARINI
Which club does his belong to?

REGINA
He doesn't belong to any club. He
taught himself.

BOBBY
I need to pee.

Joan takes Bobby's hand and leads him out the door.

REGINA
So, Doctor. What do you think?

MENGARINI
Mrs. Fischer, there are worse things
than playing chess. Believe me.

REGINA
He wants there to be nothing else.

Mengarini is now writing on a pad.

MENGARINI
I think he should see a professional.

REGINA
I thought you were a professional.

He hands her the note. "Carmine Nigro, Brooklyn Chess Club."
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary In a hospital waiting room, Bobby, his sister Joan, and their mother Regina discuss Bobby's intense obsession with chess. At his office, Dr. Mengarini, a psychiatrist, plays chess with Bobby and is surprised by his exceptional skill. However, Bobby's fixation on winning and his intense expression of focus concern Regina. After Bobby leaves the room to use the restroom, Regina asks Dr. Mengarini for his professional opinion, indicating that the concern about Bobby's obsession with chess remains unresolved.
Strengths
  • Complex characters
  • Intense dialogue
  • Engaging concept
Weaknesses
  • Some repetitive dialogue
  • Limited external conflict

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene is well-written, engaging, and provides insight into Bobby's character and his relationship with those around him. The tension and drama are effectively conveyed.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a young chess prodigy struggling with obsession and intense focus is compelling and well-executed.

Plot: 7

The plot revolves around Bobby's interaction with the doctor and his mother, shedding light on his character and his passion for chess.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh perspective on the theme of talent and dedication, exploring the complexities of self-taught skills and professional expertise. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and engaging.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed, especially Bobby, who is portrayed as a complex and driven individual. The dynamics between Bobby, his mother, and the doctor add depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 7

Bobby undergoes a subtle change in the scene, revealing more about his character and his relationship with his mother and the doctor.

Internal Goal: 8

Bobby's internal goal in this scene is to prove his skill and intelligence through the game of chess. This reflects his desire for validation and recognition of his abilities.

External Goal: 7

Bobby's external goal is to navigate the conversation with the doctor and his mother while maintaining his focus on the chess game. This reflects his immediate challenge of balancing his personal interests with the expectations of others.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

There is a moderate level of conflict in the scene, primarily stemming from Bobby's intense focus on chess and his mother's concerns.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting perspectives and goals among the characters. Bobby's challenge to the doctor's expertise creates a sense of uncertainty and tension.

High Stakes: 6

The stakes are moderate in the scene, focusing more on Bobby's personal struggles and relationships rather than external conflicts.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by providing crucial insights into Bobby's character and setting up potential conflicts and developments.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected turns in the chess game and the characters' reactions. The outcome of the game is uncertain, keeping the audience on edge.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the value of talent and dedication versus formal training and professional guidance. Bobby's self-taught skills challenge the doctor's assumptions about expertise and education.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from tension to empathy, especially in relation to Bobby's character.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is sharp and revealing, providing insight into the characters' motivations and relationships.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense character dynamics, subtle conflicts, and high stakes. The focus on the chess game adds a layer of suspense and intrigue.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a gradual build-up of tension and suspense. The rhythm of the dialogue and character interactions enhances the scene's effectiveness.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character actions. The dialogue is well-integrated into the narrative.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure that effectively builds tension and reveals character motivations. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the scene's effectiveness.


Critique
  • The scene is well-written and engaging, but it could be improved by providing more context and backstory for the characters. For example, the audience may be wondering why Bobby is so obsessed with chess, and why his family and friends are concerned about him.
  • The dialogue is natural and realistic, but it could be improved by adding more subtext and tension. For example, the characters could be more guarded in their conversations, or they could be more openly hostile towards each other.
  • The pacing of the scene is a bit slow, and it could be improved by adding more action and conflict. For example, Bobby could have a more dramatic outburst, or he could physically attack one of the other characters.
Suggestions
  • Add more context and backstory for the characters.
  • Add more subtext and tension to the dialogue.
  • Add more action and conflict to the pacing.



Scene 4 -  Bobby Fischer's Determined Defeat at the Brooklyn Chess Club
16 EXT. BROOKLYN CHESS CLUB, MARSHALL STREET - AFTERNOONT 16

Joan and Bobby walk down a Brooklyn street, arriving at a
shabby storefront where A Hispanic MAN, 30's, is waiting.

CARMINE
You must be the Fischers. I'm Carmine
Nigro.
(to Bobby)
I'm betting you're the chess player.

JOAN
Bobby, say hello.

Bobby mumbles hello. Carmine unlocks the door.

17 INT. BROOKLYN CHESS CLUB 17

As Carmine turns on the lights, we WATCH Bobby's face as the
room is revealed -- twenty tables, all with boards set up.
Yellow Revision 10-11-13 12.

CARMINE
Our church. All colors and creeds
welcome.

Bobby walks in as if entering a holy place. The door behind
them bursts opens and Regina bustles in.

REGINA
Sorry sorry the E train was a
nightmare -- you must be Camine Nigro
I'm Regina Fischer. So....?

CARMINE
Doctor Mengarini says he's good.
But most young people don't have the
concentration to play at this level
so please don't build up your hopes.

REGINA
My 'hopes' are he will give up on
the damn game if someone beats him.

CARMINE
Okay, let's see what we got here...

He grabs two chess pieces, one black and one white, holds
them behind his back and turns to Bobby.

CARMINE (CONT'D)
Choose.

TIME CUT: As the game begins, Carmine seems confident. Bobby
makes a move that draws him up short.

TIME CUT: Bobby's moves grow bolder, Carmine's body language
is changing. The fight is on.

TIME CUT: Carmine has to use all his wiles. Eventually,
though, he begins to win, and soon he has Bobby trapped.

Bobby stares at the board, his face reddening. He has lost.
He HATES to lose. He pushes his chair back and walks away,
fighting back tears. Carmine turns to Regina.

CARMINE (CONT'D)
Well, I am officially the twenty-
fifth best chess player in New York
City. But he has great potential.

Suddenly, a piece is SLAPPED back on the board. Bobby has
returned and starts replacing pieces.

BOBBY
Again.
Green Revision 10-14-13 12A-12B.

We can't help but see the ferocity in his eyes.

A18 TIME CUT - THE BROOKLYN CHESS CLUB A18*

A spectator pushes his way through a crowd gathered around *
the young phenom. *

18 50'S ROCK AND ROLL KICKS IN 18

As we follow Bobby's rise to fame. In THE BROOKLYN CHESS
CLUB, a small crowd watches him play. At a tournament --
Carmine by his side -- he defeats ONE OPPONENT AFTER ANOTHER.
Regina watches intently.

We see Bobby studying chess as he makes a sandwich, studying
as he walks down the street, asleep with his head on a board.
In the gym, We FOCUS on his hands as he moves his pieces in
what we will come to know as his signature SLAPPING gesture.

INTERCUT multiple exposures of Bobby's HANDS with NEWSREEL
FOOTAGE of the next five years: the Rosenbergs are executed;
Green Revision 10-14-13 13.

Playboy bunnies are introduced; revolution in Hungary; hoola
hoops, missile launches, A-bomb tests, duck-and-cover.

The images SPEED UP and PROLIFERATE, Bobby's hands becoming
a BLUR as the soundtrack BUILDS -- until, when we return to
normal speed, the CAMERA PANS UP FROM THE HANDS TO REVEAL:

19 OMIT 19

20 BOBBY - NOW AGE 13 - ONSTAGE AT AN AUDITORIUM 20

He's playing against a man in his 20's.

NEWSREEL ANNOUNCER (V.O.)
...Bobby Fischer played American
master Donald Byrne today and beat
him in what is already being described
as the Game of the Century.

A21 IMAGES OF BOBBY - DOC STYLE (50'S ROCK AND ROLL CONT.) A21

shaking hands with opponents, being handed a big gold medal.

50'S REPORTER
So Bobby, congratulations. What's
next for you?

BOBBY
I don't know, my game's getting pretty
strong... *

Bobby blinks into the camera, hoists his medal.

NEWSREEL ANNOUNCER #2 (V.O.)
With the longest string of victories
in the history of the competition,
Bobby Fischer today became the
youngest ever United States Chess
Champion--

B21 OMIT B21

21 OMIT 21
Genres: ["Drama","Biography","Sports"]

Summary Joan and Bobby Fischer meet Carmine Nigro, the owner of the Brooklyn Chess Club, where Bobby plays a game against Carmine and initially struggles due to his lack of experience and confidence. Despite losing the first game, Bobby's determination to play again showcases his dedication to improving his chess skills, demonstrating a hopeful and determined tone with a hint of frustration.
Strengths
  • Intense character development
  • Emotional depth
  • Engaging dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Some repetitive elements in the chess gameplay

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively captures the intensity and emotional depth of Bobby Fischer's character, drawing the audience into his world of competitive chess.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a young chess prodigy facing challenges and setbacks in his pursuit of greatness is compelling and well-executed.

Plot: 7

The plot revolves around Bobby Fischer's passion for chess and his journey to become a champion, effectively showcasing his struggles and triumphs.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on the competitive world of chess, focusing on the internal and external struggles of the protagonist. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds depth to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters, especially Bobby Fischer, are well-developed and engaging, with complex motivations and emotions that drive the story forward.

Character Changes: 8

Bobby Fischer experiences a significant emotional change in the scene, from disappointment to determination, showcasing his growth as a character.

Internal Goal: 8

Bobby's internal goal in this scene is to prove himself as a skilled chess player and to overcome the challenge presented by Carmine. This reflects his desire for validation and success in a competitive environment.

External Goal: 7

Bobby's external goal is to win the chess game against Carmine and showcase his talent to his mother, Regina. This goal reflects the immediate challenge he faces in the chess club.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict between Bobby Fischer's desire to win and his fear of failure creates tension and drives the scene forward.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Carmine presenting a challenging opponent for Bobby. The uncertainty of the game's outcome adds to the tension and conflict.

High Stakes: 8

The high stakes of Bobby Fischer's chess matches and his personal journey add tension and urgency to the scene.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by highlighting Bobby Fischer's progression as a chess player and setting up future conflicts and challenges.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable due to the shifting dynamics between the characters and the unexpected outcome of the chess game. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of how the conflict will resolve.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the belief in potential and the fear of failure. Regina hopes Bobby will give up the game if he loses, while Carmine sees Bobby's potential and encourages him to continue despite setbacks.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions from the audience, particularly in Bobby Fischer's reaction to defeat and his determination to continue playing.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue effectively conveys the competitive nature of the characters and adds depth to their interactions.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the intense emotional conflict, high stakes, and dynamic character interactions. The audience is drawn into the competitive atmosphere of the chess game.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, drawing the audience into the competitive atmosphere of the chess game. The rhythm of the scene enhances its emotional impact.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character actions. The formatting enhances the readability and flow of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure, introducing the setting, characters, and conflict in a coherent manner. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the effectiveness of the scene.


Critique
  • The dialogue is a bit wooden and expository. For example, the line "I thought you were a professional" is very blunt and doesn't give us much insight into the character's personalities or motivations.
  • The scene could be more visually interesting. For example, you could have the characters interact with the environment more or you could use more interesting camera angles.
  • The scene doesn't really advance the plot. It's more of a character study, which is fine, but it could be more effective if it had a clearer purpose.
  • The scene is too short. It could be expanded to give us more time to get to know the characters and their motivations.
Suggestions
  • Rewrite the dialogue to make it more natural and less expository.
  • Add more visual interest to the scene by having the characters interact with the environment more or by using more interesting camera angles.
  • Give the scene a clearer purpose by making it more directly related to the plot.
  • Expand the scene to give us more time to get to know the characters and their motivations.



Scene 5 -  Bobby's Anxiety Over Sputnik Launch
22 EXT. BROOKLYN STREET - DAY 22

Bobby wears a sharp suit, a strut in his stride. He carries
a large paper bag and a trophy. A KID yells as he passes.

BROOKLYN KID
Hey, Jewboy, way to go!

The other kids laugh but Bobby is oblivious, he's clearly
playing chess in his head.
Green Revision 10-14-13 14.

23 INT. THE FISCHER APARTMENT 23

Bobby has taken a roll of aluminum foil from the paper bag
and is covering a window. The trophy has been thrown
haphazardly on a sofa. The TV is on:

ERIC SEVEREID (on TV)
..Today, the Soviet Union announced
it has successfully launched the
first satellite to reach outer space.
Its name is Sputnik.

He doesn't hear Joan as she enters carrying groceries.

JOAN
What are you doing?

BOBBY
You live under a rock? The Russians
are gonna shoot missiles at us from
space.

JOAN
And you think aluminum foil will
keep out radiation?

BOBBY
Hey, I'm not the one planning to fry
the world. You're gonna have a kid.
You should think about digging a
shelter.

Joan sees the trophy, lying on the kitchen table.

JOAN
Congratulations. Wish you'd let us
come...

BOBBY
Mom? Can't concentrate when she's *
there. *
(looks around)
Where is she, anyway--?

JOAN
Ban-the-bomb march in Union Square.

Bobby is distracted by a chess game-in-progress. Makes a *
move.

BOBBY
Be a hoot if she got blown up by a
Commie nuke while marching against
America.
Yellow Revision 10-11-13 15.

JOAN
She's not marching against America.
She's marching for peace.

BOBBY
Yeah? Chaining herself to the White
House...

JOAN
It's just... Mom.

BOBBY
(suddenly distracted)
--What day is it?

JOAN
Friday.

BOBBY
No. The date. THE DATE!

JOAN
The 26th.

Without a word, Bobby is heading out.

JOAN (CONT'D)
Where you going?

Too late. He's outta there.
Genres: ["Drama","Biography"]

Summary Bobby, a chess prodigy, returns home after a tournament and covers a window with aluminum foil, expressing worry about radiation due to the Soviet Union's launch of Sputnik. His mother, Joan, tries to engage him in conversation and mentions his mother's participation in a ban-the-bomb march. Bobby, skeptical of the cause, leaves in a hurry when he learns the current date. The scene takes place in the Fischer apartment in Brooklyn during the day, and the tone is tense and anxious.
Strengths
  • Complex character development
  • Tension-filled dialogue
  • Exploration of themes like obsession and family dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue may come off as overly sarcastic or confrontational

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively portrays Bobby Fischer's complex character, his obsession with chess, and his strained relationships with his family members. The tension and intensity are palpable, keeping the audience engaged.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a young chess prodigy struggling with distractions and societal pressures is compelling and well-executed. It delves into Bobby Fischer's inner turmoil and his single-minded dedication to the game.

Plot: 7

The plot revolves around Bobby Fischer's interactions with his family and his unwavering focus on chess. It sets up the internal and external conflicts that drive the narrative forward.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on the fear of nuclear war and the impact of political events on personal relationships. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and engaging.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters, especially Bobby Fischer, are well-developed and multi-dimensional. Bobby's intense passion for chess, his rebellious nature, and his strained relationship with his family members add depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 7

Bobby Fischer's character undergoes subtle changes in the scene, showcasing his defiance, obsession, and strained relationships with his family members. His interactions with Joan and his mother reveal different facets of his personality.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to focus on his chess game and distract himself from the external world events. This reflects his need for control and his fear of the unknown.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to prepare for potential nuclear attacks by covering the window with aluminum foil. This reflects the immediate circumstances and challenges he is facing in the world.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict between Bobby Fischer's obsession with chess and his family's concerns, as well as his defiance towards societal norms, creates a high level of tension in the scene.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting viewpoints and tension between the characters creating obstacles for the protagonist.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are high for Bobby Fischer, as he grapples with his obsession with chess, his strained relationships with his family, and the societal pressures he faces. The scene sets up the challenges he will have to overcome.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by establishing Bobby Fischer's internal struggles, his relationships with his family members, and his unwavering dedication to chess. It sets up future conflicts and character development.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists in dialogue and the conflicting viewpoints of the characters.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between the protagonist's cynical view of the world and his mother's more idealistic perspective. This challenges his beliefs about the world and his place in it.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from tension to defiance to anxiety. Bobby Fischer's complex character and his interactions with his family members elicit an emotional response from the audience.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue effectively conveys Bobby Fischer's sarcastic and defiant attitude, as well as the tension between him and his family members. It adds layers to the characters and drives the scene forward.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the tension between the characters, the dark humor, and the sense of impending doom.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension and maintaining the audience's interest.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with clear character motivations and conflict driving the narrative forward.


Critique
  • The scene lacks a clear purpose and direction. It is not clear what the writer is trying to achieve with this scene.
  • The dialogue is stilted and unnatural. The characters speak in a way that people do not normally speak.
  • The scene is too long and drawn out. It could be shortened by cutting out unnecessary dialogue and action.
  • The scene does not advance the plot or develop the characters. It is essentially a filler scene that could be cut without losing anything important.
  • The scene is not visually interesting. It takes place in a single location and there is very little action.
Suggestions
  • Start the scene with a clear goal in mind. What do you want to achieve with this scene? What do you want the audience to learn or feel?
  • Rewrite the dialogue to make it more natural. Listen to how people talk in real life and try to capture that in your writing.
  • Shorten the scene by cutting out unnecessary dialogue and action. Focus on the essential elements that move the story forward.
  • Add some visual interest to the scene. Change the location or add some action to make it more visually appealing.
  • Consider cutting the scene altogether if it does not advance the plot or develop the characters.



Scene 6 -  Bobby's Frustration: A Search for the Truth
24 INT. 'FOUR CONTINENTS' RUSSIAN BOOK STORE - DUSK 24

A slice of Moscow in New York. A samovar. Everyone smoking,
Russian spoken in hushed whispers. The middle-aged BOOKSTORE
CLERK knows Bobby when he enters.

BOOKSTORE OWNER
It just came in.

He points to the magazine rack. Bobby reverently picks up
the latest Shakmanty Bulletin and dives in -- his eyes
MEMORIZING each diagram at a glance -- his photographic memory
like a motor-driven CAMERA. Cachunk. Cachunk. Cachunk.

FROM OUTSIDE THE STORE

A different POV. The store is under FBI Surveillance. Click.

25 INT. THE FISCHER APARTMENT - LATER THAT NIGHT 25

Bobby lets himself in. He sees Regina's shoes just inside
the door and A PAIR OF SIZE 12 SHOES beside them. Frowns.
Pink Revision 10-01-13 15A.

26 INT. BOBBY'S BEDROOM - MOMENTS LATER 26

The room is little changed -- except for dozens of TROPHIES
strewn haphazardly, and stacks upon stacks of chess magazines.

Bobby opens to a page -- and there we SEE the handsome face
of Boris Spassky -- the Soviet Grandmaster.
Yellow Revision 10-11-13 16.

Bobby studies a DIAGRAM of Spassky's latest game. He places
his pieces. Working fast. Slap. Slap. He's in the zone.

Then...from the bedroom, the SOUNDS of a man and woman having
sex. Bobby puts his fingers in his ears, closes his eyes.

27 INSIDE BOBBY'S HEAD 27

The columns of numbers are jumbled, faded. A SOUND intrudes.

28 BACK IN THE ROOM 28

Bobby HEARS a toilet flush. The SOUND of laughter. A bed
creaking. It's all too much. Bobby LEAPS to his feet.

29 IN THE LIVING ROOM 29

Bobby finds Regina in her robe.

REGINA
You're back! And you won!
Congratulations!

Bobby walks to the Size 12 shoes and picks them up.

BOBBY
Every night I hear you two fuck.
Fuck fuck fuck. Bang! Bang! Bang!

REGINA
Bobby, put those down.

A big man -- CYRIL -- appears in the doorway.

CYRIL
Bobby--

BOBBY
I got nothing to say to you. You
live in my house but you're not my
father, okay?

REGINA
Bobby--

BOBBY
Where's my real father?

REGINA
What?

BOBBY
I was born, right? What'd you do
with him? Is he on earth? Does he
exist?
Yellow Revision 10-11-13 17.

REGINA
Honey, it was a long time ago...

BOBBY
And you can't remember? Where is he?

REGINA
Gone.

BOBBY
Gone where?

REGINA
It doesn't matter--

BOBBY
That's nice. My real father doesn't
matter but Mr. Bigfoot, he matters..!

REGINA
Bobby--

BOBBY
Gone where? When? Who? WHY?

REGINA
Baby, it's late...

Bobby holds the man-size shoes out the open kitchen window.

BOBBY
Now.

Regina deflates. Holds her head. Sighs. Sighs again.

REGINA
...Paul died two years ago. I think
you knew that.

BOBBY
Paul? Paul who? .....UNCLE Paul--?

Regina can barely meet his gaze. Yes. Uncle Paul.

BOBBY (CONT'D)
HE was my father? And you never
told me? And now he's DEAD?!
(MORE)
Yellow Revision 10-11-13 18.

BOBBY (CONT'D)
(starts pacing)
....GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE. I WANT
YOU TO LEAVE! I WANT YOU AND MR.
BIGFOOT...TO LEAVE!

He FLINGS the shoes out into the street.

BOBBY (CONT'D)
Go back to Moscow with your Commie
friends. I am in training. I am
studying day and night to be world
champion, do you understand? The
youngest world champion...ever! I
NEED SILENCE AROUND HERE! Do you
understand! I. WANT.....SILENCE!!!

He storms out.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary Bobby visits a Russian bookstore and discovers his uncle, Paul, was his real father. After arguing with Regina about this revelation, Bobby becomes enraged and throws a pair of shoes out the window before storming out. This scene takes place in the evening, split between the 'Four Continents' bookstore and Bobby's apartment, and highlights Bobby's frustration and anger as he searches for the truth about his father.
Strengths
  • Intense emotional conflict
  • Character depth and development
  • High stakes and emotional impact
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue may feel slightly melodramatic

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is highly impactful, delving into Bobby's emotional turmoil and showcasing his intense dedication to his goal. The confrontation with his mother and her partner adds depth to Bobby's character and sets up potential conflicts for future development.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of exploring Bobby's unresolved issues regarding his father figure and his unwavering commitment to becoming a world champion is compelling and sets the stage for character growth and conflict.

Plot: 8

The plot advances significantly as Bobby confronts his mother and her partner about his father, revealing deep-seated emotions and setting up potential conflicts. The scene also highlights Bobby's dedication to chess and his goal of becoming a world champion.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh approach to the theme of identity and family relationships, with a unique setting and cultural elements that add depth to the characters' motivations and conflicts.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters, especially Bobby, Regina, and Cyril, are well-developed and their interactions reveal layers of emotions and motivations. Bobby's intense focus and emotional outburst, Regina's attempts to calm him, and Cyril's presence add depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 8

Bobby undergoes a significant emotional outburst and confronts his mother and her partner about his father, revealing deep-seated emotions and unresolved issues. This sets the stage for potential character growth and development.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to uncover the truth about his father and his identity. This reflects his deeper need for understanding and connection, as well as his fear of being lied to and not knowing his true origins.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to assert his independence and focus on his chess training. This reflects the immediate challenge of dealing with his mother's relationship and the distractions in his home environment.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is high, with Bobby confronting his mother and her partner about his father, revealing deep-seated emotions and setting up potential conflicts. The emotional intensity and confrontational nature of the scene heighten the conflict.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist facing internal and external obstacles that challenge his beliefs, values, and relationships, creating a sense of uncertainty and conflict that drives the narrative forward.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in the scene as Bobby confronts his mother and her partner about his father, revealing deep-seated emotions and setting up potential conflicts. His intense dedication to becoming a world champion adds to the high stakes.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by delving into Bobby's emotional turmoil, his dedication to becoming a world champion, and the unresolved issues regarding his father figure. The confrontation with his mother and her partner sets up potential conflicts and character development.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected revelation about the protagonist's father and the emotional outburst that follows, keeping the audience on edge and unsure of how the conflict will be resolved.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is between the protagonist's desire for silence and focus on his training, and his mother's need for emotional connection and communication. This challenges the protagonist's values of dedication and discipline against his mother's need for understanding and support.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, delving into Bobby's unresolved emotions regarding his father figure and his intense dedication to becoming a world champion. The confrontation with his mother and her partner adds depth and emotional resonance to the scene.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue effectively conveys the emotional intensity of the scene, with Bobby's outburst and Regina's attempts to explain adding depth to the characters. The dialogue also sets up potential conflicts and character development.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the intense emotional conflict, sharp dialogue, and high stakes that keep the audience invested in the protagonist's journey and personal struggles.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension and suspense through a gradual escalation of conflict and emotional intensity, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the outcome.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings, action lines, and dialogue that enhance the readability and flow of the script.

Structure: 8

The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre, with a clear progression of events and character interactions that build tension and conflict.


Critique
  • The scene is well-written with a clear sense of tension and conflict, which drives the narrative forward. The character development is strong, particularly in terms of Bobby's emotional journey and his relationship with Regina.
  • The use of descriptive language and sensory details, such as the Russian bookstore and the sounds of a man and woman having sex, adds depth and richness to the scene. However, some of the dialogue feels stilted and unnatural, particularly Bobby's outburst about his real father.
  • The scene could benefit from more nuanced characterization of Regina, who comes across as somewhat one-dimensional in her attempts to soothe Bobby. It would be interesting to see more complexity in her reactions and emotions, particularly in light of the revelation about Bobby's real father.
Suggestions
  • Consider revising the dialogue to make it feel more natural and authentic, particularly in the moments of high emotion. This could involve using more colloquial language or varying sentence structure to create a more realistic rhythm.
  • Explore Regina's character in more depth, particularly in terms of her relationship with Bobby and her own emotional journey. This could involve adding more sensory details or descriptive language to her scenes, or giving her more agency and voice in the narrative.
  • Consider adding more layers of meaning or subtext to the scene, particularly in terms of the themes of identity, family, and ambition. This could involve exploring Bobby's feelings about his real father in more depth, or examining the ways in which Regina's actions and decisions shape his worldview.



Scene 7 -  Bobby's Anger: A New Path to Chess Mastery
30 EXT. WASHINGTON SQUARE PARK - DAYS LATER 30

Joan makes her way through the misfits, poets and drifters
playing chess in the open air. She finds Bobby asleep at
the chess tables. His suit is wrinkled and filthy.

JOAN
Carmine said you're staying at the
chess club.

BOBBY
Quiet there.

JOAN
What about high school?

BOBBY
Ha. Is she still there?

She sits beside him.

JOAN
She fixed up the apartment. Even
got the hot water heater working.

Bobby looks at her, sensing an agenda.

JOAN (CONT'D)
She won't be living there anymore.
(holds up the key)
She's going to do politics in
California with Cyril.
Yellow Revision 10-11-13 19.

BOBBY
You mean King Kong.

JOAN
She thought if they went away you'd
go home and sleep in a bed.

BOBBY
That's what she told you? And you
bought it?
(stands up)
She's running away with some nut-
case-Big Foot-communist and, oh you
know what? It's for Bobby's benefit!

JOAN
You said you wanted quiet.
(looks at him)
You won, Bobby. Be happy.

31 AN INTERVIEW 31

Hand-held, grainy black-and-white.

INTERVIEWER (O.S.)
Bobby Fischer Interview. Take One.
(hits the slate)
So, Bobby, how long before you get a
shot at the title?

BOBBY
The Federation makes it very difficult
to advance in the rankings. Gonna
take a few years. But when that day
comes I'll be ready...!

His grin -- when it happens -- is like the sun suddenly
breaking through the clouds. 60's MUSIC KICKS IN.
Green Revision 10-14-13 20.

A32 IN A CAVERNOUS HALL (60'S ROCK MUSIC CONT.) DOC-STYLE A32

Bobby defeats several opponents. He poses among other East
European grandmasters. Carmine is nearby, beaming.

NEWSREEL ANNOUNCER #3 (V.O.)
(in Yugoslav; subtitled)
In Portoroz, Yugoslavia, American
chess prodigy Bobby Fischer became
the youngest ever Grandmaster in the
history of the game...

Bobby has a large gold medal around his neck. An American
news reporter puts a large microphone in his face.

REPORTER (O.S.)
How do you explain your success?

Bobby looks at him for a moment, then simply, without guile:

BOBBY
I'm better than everybody else.

B32 IN A CHESS CLUB B32*

Bobby plays TWENTY OPPONENTS at once -- their chessboards
surrounding him in a circle. Carmine hovers nearby.

NEWSREEL ANNOUNCER #2
With each passing year he rises in
the International ranking. Maybe
someday America can finally claim a
champion of its own.

As he moves from one to another, we INTERCUT MORE ARCHIVAL
FOOTAGE: JFK'S funeral. The Beatles. The Berlin Wall.
Vietnam. LBJ. Cassius Clay.

The CAMERA spins with him as he plays -- faster and faster --
until, as Bobby passes from our view, obscured behind one
player, he EMERGES on the other side as the mature 24 year-
old we saw in the opening scene.
Genres: ["Drama","Biography"]

Summary Joan finds Bobby at the chess tables in Washington Square Park and informs him that his sister has moved out. Bobby becomes angry and storms out, leading to a tense confrontation. In an interview, Bobby talks about his plans to become the world champion in chess, showcasing his determination and confidence. The scene highlights the conflict between Bobby and Joan, and ends with Bobby leaving in a rage. Visually, the scene features Bobby's disheveled appearance and the gritty setting of the park, contrasted with the black-and-white interview footage.
Strengths
  • Complex character development
  • Tension-filled dialogue
  • Emotional depth
Weaknesses
  • Some repetitive elements in Bobby's defiance

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively showcases Bobby Fischer's complex character and inner turmoil, setting up future conflicts and character development.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a young chess prodigy struggling with personal relationships and societal pressures is compelling and well-executed.

Plot: 7

The plot advances through Bobby's interactions with Joan and his mother, revealing his rebellious nature and dedication to chess.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces unique characters and situations, such as Bobby's unconventional lifestyle and Joan's attempts to bring him back home. The dialogue feels authentic and captures the spirit of the 60s counterculture.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters, especially Bobby Fischer, are well-developed and their motivations are clear, adding depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 7

Bobby undergoes a subtle change in his attitude towards his mother and societal norms, hinting at potential character growth in the future.

Internal Goal: 8

Joan's internal goal is to convince Bobby to come home and leave behind his current lifestyle. This reflects her desire for Bobby to have a stable and secure life, away from the chaos of the chess club.

External Goal: 7

Bobby's external goal is to continue pursuing his career in chess and eventually become a champion. This reflects his immediate circumstances and challenges as a talented chess player navigating the competitive world of chess tournaments.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict between Bobby and his mother, as well as his defiance towards societal expectations, creates tension and drives the scene forward.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting goals and motivations driving the conflict between Joan and Bobby.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are high for Bobby Fischer as he grapples with personal relationships, societal pressures, and his dedication to chess.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by deepening Bobby Fischer's character and setting up future conflicts and developments.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists in the characters' motivations and actions, keeping the audience on their toes.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between Joan's belief in stability and Bobby's pursuit of his passion for chess. Joan values security and normalcy, while Bobby prioritizes his career and success in the chess world.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The emotional impact of Bobby's defiance and inner turmoil is palpable, engaging the audience and creating empathy for the character.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue effectively conveys the tension and emotions between the characters, enhancing the conflict and character dynamics.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the intense emotional conflict between the characters and the high stakes involved in Bobby's decision.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a gradual build-up of tension leading to a climactic confrontation between the characters.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows standard formatting for a screenplay, with clear scene headings and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a traditional structure for a dramatic confrontation, with clear character motivations and conflict driving the narrative forward.


Critique
  • The dialogue is expository. It dumps information without much artistry or emotional connection.
  • The scene is too short and doesn't provide enough context or development for the characters.
  • The characters' motivations are unclear. Why is Bobby so angry? Why is Joan so patient?
  • The scene doesn't advance the plot or develop the characters in any meaningful way.
  • The scene is not visually interesting. It's just two people talking in a park.
Suggestions
  • Rewrite the dialogue to make it more natural and emotionally engaging.
  • Add more detail and description to the setting to make it more visually interesting.
  • Give the characters clearer motivations and goals.
  • Expand the scene to include more action or interaction between the characters.
  • Consider adding a twist or surprise to the scene to make it more memorable.



Scene 8 -  Bobby Fischer's Paranoia and Retirement from Chess
C32 EXT. BULGARIA TOURNAMENT HALL (TO ESTABLISH) C32*

Caption: Olympiad of Varna, Bulgaria'62

D32 INT. BULGARIA HALL HALLWAY D32*

Bobby and Carmine walking. Bobby is psyching himself up.
Green Revision 10-14-13 20A.

CARMINE *
Okay, Ivanovich relies on the Indian *
defense-- *

BOBBY *
He stopped using it in Portorosz. *
And Petrossian is no longer defensive *
out of the Nimzo. His mother died *
last month and he's become more *
cautious. *

CARMINE
How do you know this stuff?

BOBBY
The magazines, man. They don't know
I read Russian. All I gotta do is
outscore them by two points. That
way they gotta give me shot at the
championship.

CARMINE
Good. Good. How about we think
about the first one first...

32 INT. BULGARIA TOURNAMENT HALL 32 *

The enforced stillness of a chess tournament. Bobby defeats
one opponent after another. He looks invincible. His focus
is absolute.
Yellow Revision 10-11-13 21.

Nearby, two RUSSIAN PLAYERS have finished their game --
they're shaking hands. A draw.

Bobby looks over, studying their board. Suddenly he stands
up from his game and approaches an ARBITER.

BOBBY
(whispering)
Excuse me. Over there -- the Russians --
TBD has an opening on Petrosian,
instead he draws in fourteen moves?

ARBITER
If you'll take your seat please, Mr.
Fischer.

BOBBY
Are you blind? They're playing each
other soft to save their strength
and then padding their point totals
so I can't win -- YOU SHOULD BE
WATCHING THIS!

HEADS TURN as he voice rises. Carmine comes over.

CARMINE
Bobby, sit down, you don't want to
be disqualified.

BOBBY
You see what they're up to? No matter
how many points I get, they're getting
more. This is such bullshit...

Then, into the hall, walks Boris Spassky! Bobby can't help
but stare as Spassky sits at a nearby table.

Bobby tries to return to his game, but he's upset now. He
furtively steals glances at the handsome Grandmaster.

Suddenly, everything is distracting to him.

A chair SCRAPING.

A light buzzes.

A Russian advisor WHISPERING to another advisor.

Bobby looks up at the TOURNAMENT BOARD. He scheduled to
play Spassky next.

Bobby crackles with anxiety -- looking over at Spassky --
while his opponent ploddingly contemplates his next move.
Finally, unable to stand it:
Yellow Revision 10-11-13 21A.

BOBBY (CONT'D)
...Knight to Kings Pawn Six, Bishop
to Bk4, King to e-5, Queen to Qp2.
King to Nb6, Queen to Bd3. Mate.

His opponent realizes he is indeed doomed.

33 DOC-STYLE: A DOOR WITH A SIGN: "SILENCE, MATCH IN PROGRESS" 33

The door opens and Bobby storms out. A cameraman films him.

BOBBY
They're conspiring against me. They
want to destroy me because they know
I'm better than they are.

Bobby is followed by officials and journalists. Carmine
takes his arm.

CARMINE
Bobby...

Bobby yanks his arm free...

BOBBY
The Russians are cheating! There,
I've said it! Nobody else will!

Bobby grabs a guy with Soviet accreditation.
Yellow Revision 10-11-13 22.

BOBBY (CONT'D)
You want that in Russian? Niet pycni
osmahbi.

An OFFICIAL takes Bobby's arm...

OFFICIAL
Mr Fischer, if we could go back inside
and talk about this...

Bobby pushes the official -- who falls into a signboard.
Bobby tries to help the man to his feet.

Silence. Then Bobby grabs a chair, stands on it.

BOBBY
Okay, I want to make a statement...
First I'd like to apologize for
pushing that guy. ...You're okay?

OFFICIAL
Something to tell my grandchildren.

As Bobby continues we hear WHISPERED TRANSLATIONS.

BOBBY
I came here to take part in this
tournament, which is my right as
American champion. But it is obvious
this whole thing has been fixed by
the Russkies.

Carmine rolls his eyes. Murmurs around the audience.

BOBBY (CONT'D)
They arrange draws so they can save
their strength for the late rounds.
But the corrupt Federation does
nothing to stop it. I've been waiting
ten years to get a shot at the
championship...and I'm sick of it.
(working himself up)
As a result, I am -- as of right now --
now-this-second, quitting.

CARMINE
Oh, man...

BOBBY
I won't play against fuckin' Commie
cheaters who hate me and hate America.

Bobby sees a radio microphone poking out from the crowd.
Yellow Revision 10-11-13 23.

BOBBY (CONT'D)
Sorry about 'fucks' in there... but
anyway....screw you all. In fact
I'm retiring from chess forever.

Bobby kicks over the chair as he gets down and walks away.
Genres: ["Drama","Biography","Sports"]

Summary In the Olympiad of Varna in 1962, Bobby Fischer plays with determination to outscore his opponents by two points. He notices Russian players' soft play against each other, which makes him anxious, leading to accusations of conspiracy and an altercation with an official. Fischer storms out, declaring his retirement from chess forever. Carmine tries to calm him down, while officials maintain order. The scene is tense and anxious, ending with Fischer's retirement.
Strengths
  • Intense emotions
  • Clear character motivations
  • High stakes
Weaknesses
  • Potential for melodrama
  • Slightly predictable plot twists

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is highly engaging, filled with tension, and showcases Bobby Fischer's complex character and determination.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of a high-stakes chess tournament, political intrigue, and personal defiance is executed brilliantly in this scene.

Plot: 8

The plot is well-developed, with Bobby Fischer facing challenges and making a bold decision that will have significant consequences.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh perspective on the competitive world of chess tournaments, highlighting the psychological pressure and ethical dilemmas faced by players.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters, especially Bobby Fischer, are well-defined and their motivations are clear, adding depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 8

Bobby Fischer undergoes a significant change in this scene, from focused determination to defiant rebellion.

Internal Goal: 8

Bobby's internal goal is to prove himself as the best chess player and win the championship. This reflects his need for validation and recognition of his skills.

External Goal: 7

Bobby's external goal is to win the chess tournament and defeat his opponents. This reflects the immediate challenge he is facing in the competition.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between Bobby Fischer and the Russian players, as well as his internal conflict, creates a tense atmosphere.

Opposition: 8

The strong opposition from the Russian players and officials adds conflict and uncertainty to the scene, creating obstacles for the protagonist.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are incredibly high, both personally for Bobby Fischer and in the context of the Cold War chess rivalry.

Story Forward: 9

The scene propels the story forward by showcasing Bobby Fischer's bold decision and the consequences it will have on his career.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable due to Bobby's sudden decision to quit the tournament, defying expectations and adding a twist to the narrative.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

There is a philosophical conflict between Bobby's belief in fair play and the perceived cheating by his opponents. This challenges his values of integrity and honesty in the game.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions, especially anger and defiance, from both the characters and the audience.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is intense and reflects the characters' emotions and conflicts effectively.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the high stakes, emotional intensity, and unexpected outburst from the protagonist.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, leading to a climactic moment of confrontation.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 7

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with clear scene descriptions and character actions.

Structure: 7

The scene follows a structured format for a dramatic confrontation in a tournament setting, building tension and conflict effectively.


Critique
  • The scene is well-written and engaging, but it could be improved by adding more context and motivation for Bobby's actions.
  • The dialogue is well-written and naturalistic, but it could be more concise and to the point.
  • The scene is visually interesting, but it could be more varied and dynamic.
  • The scene is well-paced, but it could be more tense and suspenseful.
Suggestions
  • Add more context and motivation for Bobby's actions. Why is he so upset about the Russians allegedly conspiring against him? What are his fears and insecurities?
  • Concise and to the point in the dialogue. Avoid unnecessary exposition and repetition.
  • Varying and dynamic in the scene. Use different camera angles, shot sizes, and editing techniques to create a more visually interesting scene.
  • More tense and suspenseful in the scene. Increase the stakes and make the audience feel more invested in Bobby's outcome.



Scene 9 -  Bobby's Turmoil and Joan's Solace
34 EXT. PEOPLE'S HALL - CONTINUOUS 34

Carmine tries to keep up with Bobby as he marches away.

BOBBY
I'm the best in the world and they
know it and they stole it from me!
The whole system is rigged...

CARMINE
Bobby... Bobby, wait--
(catches up to him)
...It's okay to be nervous about
playing him.

BOBBY
What are you talking about?

CARMINE
Spassky. You saw he was next and
you quit.

Spassky is exiting with his handlers, looking cool, confident.

BOBBY
You're fulla shit. It has nothing to
do with Spassky! It's statistically
impossible for me to win now.

CARMINE
First rule of chess. Always someone
better than you.

BOBBY
Better than you, maybe.

He strides away, leaving Carmine behind.

35 INT. THE FISCHER APARTMENT - WEEKS LATER 35

The kitchen is a disaster. Old take-out containers and dirty
coffee cups. Chess boards, each with a game-in-progress.
Green Revision 10-14-13 24.*

Bobby is asleep, his head on a chessboard. It looks like he
lives in his bathrobe. A key in the doorway. Joan enters;
with her is her seven-year-old GIRL. Bobby wakes up.

JOAN
Hey, Baby boy... *

BOBBY
Didn't know you had a key.

JOAN
(to her daughter) *
Say hello to your Uncle.

The girl shyly mumbles a hello. *

BOBBY
You like chess, Lizzie? This is the *
rook. See the castle on top, like *
in a fairy story, right? It moves
like this. And this is the knight, *
you like horses...?

Meanwhile Joan is subtly cleaning up. *

JOAN *
So...what've you been up to? *

BOBBY *
The usual. *

JOAN *
Getting out much? *

BOBBY
Too busy. *
(to Elizabeth) *
--Here, you try it. *

JOAN *
...Doing what? *

BOBBY
Working on my game! I've developed *
files this thick on Tal, on
Petrossian, on Fila... I'm working *
fourteen hours a day. *

JOAN *
So you didn't quit. *

BOBBY *
(a bit overheated) *
I'll play when the Russians stop *
fixing the Candidates tournament! *
Green Revision 10-14-13 24A.

JOAN *
I know, baby. I know... *

She produces a comb and begins to comb his hair. He closes *
his eyes to a tenderness he rarely gives in to.

JOAN (CONT'D) *
So I bumped into an old friend from *
school... She saw your picture in
the New York Times magazine.

BOBBY *
I was in the New York Times? *

JOAN *
The piece about you punching a guy.
From the picture, she thinks you're
a looker.
(smooths Bobby's hair)
I don't see it, you know? But the
point is...you have a date.
25.

Bobby opens his eyes. Joan smiles.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary In a messy apartment, a frustrated Bobby Fischer rants about the Candidates tournament being rigged, deciding to retire from chess. Weeks after storming out on Carmine, Bobby is found asleep amidst chess boards. Joan, with her daughter Elizabeth, enters to clean and finds Bobby overwhelmed. Amidst the chaos, Joan tenderly combs his hair, trying to uplift his spirits by mentioning a potential date. The scene concludes with Bobby looking curious, leaving the audience in anticipation.
Strengths
  • Intense character emotions
  • Authentic dialogue
  • Compelling conflicts
Weaknesses
  • Some repetitive dialogue
  • Lack of external action

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively portrays Bobby Fischer's complex emotions and inner turmoil, setting up a compelling narrative for the character.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a chess prodigy grappling with external pressures and internal conflicts is engaging and well-executed.

Plot: 7

The plot advances Bobby Fischer's story by highlighting his struggles and relationships, adding depth to his character.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh perspective on the competitive world of chess and explores the psychological complexities of a talented but troubled protagonist. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters, especially Bobby Fischer, are well-developed and their interactions feel authentic and emotionally charged.

Character Changes: 7

Bobby Fischer undergoes some emotional changes, showcasing his vulnerability and determination amidst the chaos.

Internal Goal: 8

Bobby's internal goal in this scene is to prove himself as the best chess player and to overcome his feelings of defeat and frustration. This reflects his deeper need for validation and success in his chosen field.

External Goal: 7

Bobby's external goal in this scene is to focus on his chess game and prepare for upcoming tournaments. This reflects the immediate challenge he faces in maintaining his reputation as a top player.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The scene is filled with internal and external conflicts, driving the tension and drama forward.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Bobby facing internal doubts and external challenges that threaten his success in the chess world. The audience is left unsure of how he will overcome these obstacles.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high for Bobby Fischer as he grapples with his obsession, relationships, and the pressure to succeed in chess.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by deepening Bobby Fischer's character arc and setting up future conflicts and resolutions.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists in Bobby's behavior and the shifting dynamics between the characters, keeping the audience on edge.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is between Bobby's belief in his own abilities and the reality of his situation. He struggles with the idea that there may always be someone better than him, despite his confidence in his skills.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes strong emotions from the audience, especially towards Bobby Fischer's struggles and relationships.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue effectively conveys the characters' emotions and motivations, adding depth to the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the intense emotional conflict between the characters, the high stakes of the chess world, and the personal dynamics between Bobby and Joan.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, with moments of quiet reflection contrasting with intense emotional outbursts.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene follows the expected format for a screenplay, with clear scene headings and dialogue formatting that enhances readability.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene effectively transitions between the external setting of the People's Hall and the intimate setting of the Fischer apartment, providing insight into Bobby's personal life and struggles.


Critique
  • The dialogue in this scene is very repetitive and lacks subtext. Bobby constantly repeats that the system is rigged against him and that he is the best in the world, but this does not add anything new to the scene and does not help to develop his character.
  • The scene does not have a clear goal or purpose. It is unclear what Bobby is trying to achieve by marching away from Carmine and ranting about the system being rigged. This makes the scene feel aimless and unfocused.
  • The scene lacks tension and conflict. There is no real obstacle that Bobby faces, and he does not have to overcome any challenges. This makes the scene feel flat and uninteresting.
  • The scene is too long and could be shortened to make it more impactful. The dialogue is repetitive and the scene does not have a clear goal, so it could be cut down without losing any important information.
  • The scene does not add anything new to the story. It does not develop Bobby's character, it does not advance the plot, and it does not provide any new insights into the world of chess. This makes the scene feel unnecessary and could be cut without losing anything important.
Suggestions
  • Add more subtext to the dialogue. Bobby should not just be repeating the same things over and over again. He should be expressing his emotions and motivations in a more subtle way.
  • Give Bobby a clear goal or purpose. He should be trying to achieve something in this scene, and this should be clear to the audience.
  • Add some tension and conflict to the scene. Bobby should face some kind of obstacle or challenge, and he should have to overcome it in order to achieve his goal.
  • Shorten the scene. Cut out any unnecessary dialogue or action and focus on the most important moments.
  • Consider cutting the scene altogether. If the scene does not add anything new to the story, it may be better to cut it and focus on the more important parts of the story.



Scene 10 -  Bobby's Chessboard and the Case of Mistaken Identity
36 INT. BROOKLYN DINER - NIGHT 36

Sixties rock-and-roll on the juke box. A sweet-faced young
girl, MARIA, is waiting. She looks nervous as Bobby enters.

BOBBY
Maria?

MARIA
Bobby?

BOBBY
My sister told me not to scare you.

He smiles. Sits.

BOBBY (CONT'D)
Boo. Are you a virgin too?

Maria almost chokes on her coffee.

BOBBY (CONT'D)
I don't much care, you know? I don't
know why there's even a word for it.
There's no word for people who've
never flown in a plane or...

Maria looks a little thrown...

BOBBY (CONT'D)
Do you ever make up words for things
there's no word for?

MARIA
I...no, I really don't.

BOBBY
Am I scaring you by the way?

MARIA
No... A little.

Maria is beginning to get up to speed with Bobby's craziness.
She's unnerved but drawn to his eyes.

MARIA (CONT'D)
I'm Italian.

Bobby doesn't respond.

MARIA (CONT'D)
Joan said you've been to Rome to
play chess.
26.

BOBBY
(rapid fire)
It has two hundred and thirty five
statues of people who look like
they're still in bed.

MARIA
(laughing)
Did you count them?

BOBBY
Are you interested in politics?

MARIA
I'm a Republican actually.

BOBBY
Right there, that's why you're a
virgin. Republicans only have sex
to have babies. Democrats have sex
because they can't help themselves.

Maria laughs again. Bobby is puzzled by her laughter. He re-
arranges the sugar cubes with his long fingers...

MARIA
Are you going to eat something?

Bobby puts a sugar cube into his mouth. Peers at her.

BOBBY
Do you play chess?

MARIA
No.

BOBBY
Good.

Maria takes a breath, decides to be bold.

MARIA
Joan said you've quit traveling all
over to tournaments and maybe you'd
like to start doing regular things.

Maria thinks maybe she is one of the regular things he might
do. He smiles then peers at Maria's face. After a moment...

BOBBY
Beautiful.

He stares at her face. Maria reacts...blushing a little.
Then...still staring at her face...he speaks fast and even...
Pink Revision 10-01-13 27.

BOBBY (CONT'D)
Capablanca versus Emanuel Lasker,
Havana, 1921, endgame. The White
King was here...

Bobby touches the tip of Maria's nose...

BOBBY (CONT'D)
Black King here.

He touches her chin. As Bobby names different chess pieces
he gently touches her eyes, her cheeks, her ears, placing
each piece as if Maria's face were a chessboard...

BOBBY (CONT'D)
White Knight, black pawn, white rook,
black Bishop to your chin--

Maria has closed her eyes, his touch is gentle.

BOBBY (CONT'D)
--your ear to your nose and taking
out an eye for a cheek bone. Move
this here. This here...

A pause. Bobby stares at her face and looks troubled...

BOBBY (CONT'D)
Beautiful like a Picasso.

Maria opens her eyes -- overwhelmed by his gentle physicality.

BOBBY (CONT'D)
You believe in love.

MARIA
Uh...

BOBBY
That's what I thought.
(stands; sighs)
Sorry, Joan.

He grabs his coat and leaves. She sits there, forlorn.

MARIA
It's Maria.
Genres: ["Drama","Romance","Comedy"]

Summary In a Brooklyn diner one night, chess prodigy Bobby meets Joan's friend Maria, and they converse about various topics, from virginity to politics. Bobby's playful demeanor and nervous energy create a light-hearted atmosphere, but his confusion between Maria and Joan leads to a tense moment when he mistakes Maria for his sister and leaves. Maria remains, feeling forlorn as sixties rock-and-roll plays on the jukebox.
Strengths
  • Unique concept of using chess pieces to interact with Maria's face
  • Witty and playful dialogue between Bobby and Maria
  • Engaging dynamic between characters
Weaknesses
  • Minimal conflict and stakes

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively combines humor, romance, and chess strategy to create an engaging and memorable interaction between Bobby and Maria.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of using chess pieces to interact with Maria's face is innovative and adds a whimsical touch to the scene.

Plot: 7

The plot focuses on Bobby's eccentric behavior and his interaction with Maria, adding depth to his character and showcasing his unique personality.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces fresh perspectives on love, sex, and normalcy, with authentic character actions and dialogue that feel original and engaging.


Character Development

Characters: 9

Bobby's eccentricity and Maria's nervous charm create a compelling dynamic that drives the scene forward and keeps the audience engaged.

Character Changes: 6

While there is not a significant character change in this scene, Bobby's eccentric behavior and Maria's nervous charm are highlighted, adding depth to their characters.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to connect with Maria on a deeper level and possibly find a sense of normalcy in his life. This reflects his need for human connection and a break from his intense chess-focused lifestyle.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to have a casual conversation with Maria and possibly start doing regular things. This reflects his immediate challenge of transitioning from a competitive chess player to a more ordinary life.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 5

The conflict in the scene is minimal, focusing more on the quirky interaction between Bobby and Maria rather than intense conflict.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create tension and uncertainty, adding depth to the character interactions.

High Stakes: 4

The stakes in the scene are relatively low, focusing more on the quirky interaction between Bobby and Maria rather than high-intensity drama.

Story Forward: 6

The scene primarily focuses on the interaction between Bobby and Maria, adding depth to their characters and setting the stage for potential future developments.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected character actions and dialogue, keeping the audience on their toes.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict is evident in the protagonist's views on love, sex, and normalcy, which challenge Maria's beliefs and societal norms. This conflict challenges the protagonist's worldview and values.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes a sense of nostalgia and whimsy, creating an emotional connection with the audience through Bobby and Maria's charming interaction.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is witty, playful, and reveals the quirky personalities of Bobby and Maria, adding depth to their characters and enhancing the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its witty dialogue, quirky character interactions, and the unexpected turn of events.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by balancing dialogue, character interactions, and emotional beats.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a dialogue-heavy scene in a screenplay, with clear character cues and scene descriptions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a traditional structure for a character-driven dialogue scene, with a clear beginning, middle, and end.


Critique
  • The scene starts with Bobby Fischer and Maria, the sister of Bobby's friend Joan, meeting in a diner. The conversation quickly takes a strange turn, with Bobby asking Maria if she is a virgin and making other odd comments.
  • The dialogue is stilted and unnatural, and it's difficult to tell what Bobby is thinking or feeling. He seems to be both attracted to Maria and disgusted by her, and his behavior is erratic and unpredictable.
  • The scene doesn't seem to have a clear purpose or direction. It's not clear what Bobby wants from Maria, or why he is behaving so strangely. The scene ends abruptly, with Bobby leaving the diner without saying goodbye.
  • Overall, the scene is confusing and unsatisfying. It's not clear what the writer is trying to achieve with this scene, and it doesn't add anything to the story.
Suggestions
  • Rewrite the scene to make Bobby's motivations and emotions more clear.
  • Add more context to the scene, so that the reader can understand why Bobby is behaving so strangely.
  • Give the scene a clearer purpose and direction.
  • Consider cutting the scene altogether, if it doesn't add anything to the story.



Scene 11 -  Bobby's Chess Encounter and a Potential Opportunity
37 EXT. 'FOUR CONTINENTS' RUSSIAN BOOK STORE - LATER THAT NIGHT 37

A hunched Bobby walks fast along the busy Brooklyn sidewalk
and ducks into the store, like someone entering a Porn shop.

More SURVEILLANCE SHOTS of him from across the street.
Yellow Revision 10-11-13 28.

38 INT. BROOKLYN, 'FOUR CONTINENTS' RUSSIAN BOOK STORE - NIGHT 38

Bobby enters, looking wired. The Bookstore Owner speaks
softly in Russian...

BOOKSTORE OWNER
Good evening 'Bobby Grandmaster'.
You couldn't sleep?

BOBBY
Would you please speak to me in
American?

BOOKSTORE OWNER
So why have you gone to the trouble
of learning our language?

BOBBY
(in Russian)
Okay. Fine. Is it here yet?

BOOKSTORE OWNER
(back to English)
Let me see... It is the TBD you buy,
yes? Published by the Moscow Chess
Federation.

The Owner's WIFE drifts by behind the counter.

OWNER'S WIFE
Ah. The American boy who hates us
but can't resist our magazines.

BOOKSTORE OWNER
The October edition is just in.

Bobby finds the magazine in the rack.

BOOKSTORE OWNER (CONT'D)
Page six.
(twisting the knife)
He is becoming the new Messiah.

A photo of SPASSKY. The caption reads: 'World Champion Boris
Spassky wins tenth Blitz tournament.' Once again, Bobby's
steel-trap of a mind memorizes each move at lighting speed.

BOOKSTORE OWNER (CONT'D)
They say he won't ever lose a match.

Bobby pays him. The owner hands him a card.

BOOKSTORE OWNER (CONT'D)
Someone left this for you. A lawyer.
You are in trouble, maybe?
Pink Revision 10-01-13 28A.

A39 INT. FBI OFFICE - DAY A39

An anonymous FIGURE sits behind a desk as a sheaf of
SURVEILLANCE PHOTOS are shown to him. We SEE Bobby entering
the Russian bookstore.
Green Revision 10-14-13 29.

39 EXT. WASHINGTON SQUARE PARK` 39

Patchy snow. Empty apart from Bobby, who sits before an
empty chessboard playing a game with invisible pieces.

A GUY in an overcoat approaches. It is MARSHALL.

BOBBY
You want a game?

MARSHALL
What? You think I'm stupid?

BOBBY
You know who I am.

MARSHALL
Yeah, I know who you are. Been trying *
to reach you. *
(hands him a card) *
You don't answer your phone. *

BOBBY
You're the lawyer. What'd I do...?

MARSHALL
Nothing. You did nothing. You do
nothing. That's why I'm here.

Marshall hands him an article torn from Sports Illustrated:
'The Russians Have Fixed World Chess,'By Bobby Fischer.'

MARSHALL (CONT'D)
You were angry.
Green Revision 10-14-13 30.

BOBBY
That was years ago.

MARSHALL
Are you still angry?

Bobby rocks back and forth a little.

MARSHALL (CONT'D)
I mean, are you political, Bobby?

BOBBY
Like a rock. Like a baseball bat.

MARSHALL
You told the truth about the Russians.

BOBBY
Sometimes the truth is a hand grenade.
(almost coy)
I just made that up by the way.

Marshall produces a chess magazine, drops it on the table.

MARSHALL
There's been an announcement. *
(reads)
'Soviet invasion to hit California
Surf. Greatest chess player who
ever lived to visit U.S.'.

BOBBY
Yeah. They're coming to California
to play in The Piatigorsky.

MARSHALL
They say it's just a game, for fun,
hand of friendship, all that crap.
But you know the truth... They're
using chess to say 'screw America'.

BOBBY
Yeah, well, America is soft.
(re the empty tables)
A little bit of weather and I'm all
alone here.

MARSHALL
The Russians laugh at us.
(MORE)
Green Revision 10-14-13 31-31A.*

MARSHALL (CONT'D)
They know there's not one single
American can beat a single Russian. *
Their chess mastery proves to the
world Soviet intellectual superiority
over the decadent West.

BOBBY
Seriously man, who the hell are you?

MARSHALL
I'm just a fan. I love creative *
people. I also love my country. I *
also love to make money.
(leans in)
I want to represent you. Exhibitions.
Endorsements. Serious money.
Otherwise I wouldn't be out here
freezing my ass off.

Bobby laughs in a cloud of breath.

MARSHALL (CONT'D)
You're the one man in this country *
who can put up a fight, maybe even *
beat them. And I want a front row *
seat when the good guys win. *

BOBBY
You don't know if I can still play. *

MARSHALL
I talk to people. The cafe on Clinton *
Street. The bookstore... You hate *
to lose, Bobby. If you weren't *
beating the magazines you wouldn't
keep buying them.

Bobby studies Marshall, who turns to a picture of Spassky. *

MARSHALL (CONT'D)
Carmine thinks you're afraid of him.
Yeah, he's going to have some fun
over here...

BOBBY *
Hey, screw him. Screw Boris Spassky. *

He taps his temple with his long finger. *
Green Revision 10-14-13 32.

BOBBY (CONT'D)
I have moves in my brain like bullets.
I ran all his games and I know how
he thinks.

MARSHALL
Yeah. Bang-bang. Patzers in
Washington Square. So what?

BOBBY
He has a life. He has a wife.
(brushes away dead
leaves from the board)
All I have is this. That's why I
can beat him.

MARSHALL
If you don't play, you don't win. *
Buif you win, you make history. *

Bobby looks at him, a wicked smile spreading across his face.

BOBBY
When I win.

40 OMIT 40
Genres: ["Drama","Biography"]

Summary Bobby visits a Russian bookstore in Brooklyn and purchases a chess magazine, learning about Boris Spassky's latest victory. The following day, he meets a lawyer named Marshall in Washington Square Park who offers to represent him for exhibitions and endorsements, and tries to convince him to participate in an upcoming chess tournament. However, Bobby is wary of Marshall's intentions and expresses uncertainty. The scene ends with Bobby confidently expressing his ability to beat Boris Spassky.
Strengths
  • Intense dialogue
  • Well-developed characters
  • High stakes
Weaknesses
  • Some repetitive dialogue

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is highly engaging, with intense dialogue and a sense of impending conflict. The stakes are high, and the character's emotions are palpable.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of a chess prodigy facing off against the Russian chess champion while dealing with surveillance and pressure from the system is compelling and well-executed.

Plot: 9

The plot is driven by the protagonist's internal struggle and external challenges, leading to a climax of decision-making and defiance.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces fresh perspectives on chess, politics, and personal struggles, offering a unique take on familiar themes. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and engaging, adding to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed, with Bobby Fischer portrayed as intense, defiant, and highly skilled in chess. Marshall serves as a foil to Bobby, adding tension to the scene.

Character Changes: 8

Bobby undergoes a shift from internal turmoil to resolute determination, showcasing his growth and development.

Internal Goal: 8

Bobby's internal goal is to prove his worth and intelligence through his mastery of chess. He wants to show that he is still a formidable player despite his past controversies and struggles.

External Goal: 7

Bobby's external goal is to navigate the challenges and opportunities presented by the upcoming chess tournament and the political tensions surrounding it.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between Bobby and the system, as well as the internal conflict within Bobby himself, drives the scene forward with intensity.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting beliefs, motivations, and goals driving the interactions between the characters. The audience is left uncertain about the outcome, adding to the tension and suspense.

High Stakes: 9

The high stakes of the chess match, Bobby's reputation, and the political implications add tension and urgency to the scene.

Story Forward: 9

The scene propels the story forward by setting up the conflict between Bobby and the Russian chess champion, as well as establishing Bobby's defiance against the system.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists in the dialogue, character motivations, and plot developments. The audience is kept on their toes, unsure of how the story will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict revolves around the idea of truth, power, and national pride. Bobby's beliefs about truth and the power of intellect clash with the political motivations behind the chess tournament and the societal expectations placed on him.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from anxiety to defiance, adding depth to the characters and their motivations.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is sharp, intense, and reveals the characters' motivations and conflicts effectively.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its dynamic dialogue, intriguing characters, and high stakes. The tension and conflict keep the audience invested in the outcome of the story.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a balance of tension, dialogue, and character interactions. The rhythm and flow of the scene contribute to its effectiveness and impact.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene descriptions, character actions, and dialogue. The formatting enhances the readability and impact of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with well-defined character interactions and plot progression. The dialogue and actions flow smoothly, contributing to the overall effectiveness of the scene.


Critique
  • The description of the Russian bookstore is a bit vague and doesn't provide a clear picture of the setting. Adding more specific details about the store's interior, such as the layout, lighting, and decor, would help readers visualize the scene more vividly.
  • The conversation between Bobby and the bookstore owner is a bit disjointed and doesn't flow smoothly. Try rewording the dialogue to make it more natural and conversational.
  • The introduction of Marshall, the lawyer, feels a bit abrupt and out of place. Providing some context or foreshadowing about Marshall's character and his relationship with Bobby would help make his appearance less jarring.
  • The pacing of the scene is a bit slow and could be tightened up. Consider cutting out unnecessary dialogue or actions to keep the story moving at a brisker pace.
  • The scene's resolution is somewhat anticlimactic. While it's clear that Bobby is angry and determined to challenge Spassky, the lack of a clear conflict or obstacle makes the ending feel a bit flat.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more sensory details to the description of the Russian bookstore, such as the smell of old paper, the sound of muffled conversations, or the dim lighting.
  • Rephrase the dialogue between Bobby and the bookstore owner to make it more natural and conversational. For example, instead of saying "Would you please speak to me in American?", Bobby could say "I'd appreciate it if you spoke to me in English."
  • Provide some backstory or foreshadowing about Marshall's character before he appears in the scene. This could be done through dialogue between Bobby and another character, or through a brief description of Marshall's past interactions with Bobby.
  • Cut out unnecessary dialogue or actions to tighten up the pacing of the scene. For example, the exchange about Marshall not being able to reach Bobby on the phone could be removed without affecting the overall story.
  • Add a clear conflict or obstacle to the scene to create a more satisfying resolution. This could involve Bobby facing opposition from the Russian players, or struggling to overcome his own doubts and fears.



Scene 12 -  Marshall Seeks Father Lombardy's Help for Chess Player
41 INT. MANHATTAN CHESS CLUB, SMOKING ROOM - DAY 41

The Manhattan Club is nicer than its Brooklyn equivalent.
Marshall walks through with A PRIEST in long black robes
enters. This is FATHER LOMBARDY.

MARSHALL
He's been preparing for six hours.

LOMBARDY
I'm just a selector. I hope he *
realizes it's a committee that decides
who plays.

MARSHALL
You're a grandmaster. He respects *
you. You're the only one who ever
beat Spassky.

LOMBARDY
We were kids. He'd destroy me now.

MARSHALL
And you've beaten Bobby. *

LOMBARDY
When he was twelve. And a bad loser.
(MORE)
Green Revision 10-14-13 32A.

LOMBARDY (CONT'D)
Said the room was too loud, the lamp
was too bright. He's a pain in the
ass. *

MARSHALL *
He asked for you. Wants you to be *
his second.

Marshall hands Lombardy a letter. *

MARSHALL (CONT'D) *
It's a letter of explanation and *
apology to the Federation.

LOMBARDY *
With the f word in the first line. *
Green Revision 10-14-13 33.

MARSHALL
He's nursed a grudge a long time.
He's studied how the Russians
play...every day, eighteen hours a
day for four years. For him, Vietnam
and the Beatles never happened.

LOMBARDY
I'm guessing he still has his opinions
about the Soviets?

MARSHALL
You'll promise the committee we'll
keep him out of trouble...

LOMBARDY
The Piatigorsky has been organized
to build bridges, not burn them.

MARSHALL
So we lose twelve to zero and that's
a bridge.

LOMBARDY
I heard he has mental health problems.

MARSHALL
So did Mozart.

LOMBARDY
What if we get him there and he
cracks...

MARSHALL
Bobby won't crack. He will explode.
Genres: ["Drama","Biography"]

Summary Marshall brings Father Lombardy to meet a chess player who has been preparing for six hours for a match. Marshall wants Lombardy to be the player's second and shows him a letter of explanation and apology to the Federation. Lombardy expresses concerns about the player's mental health and past behavior, leading to a conflict that is not fully resolved as Lombardy ultimately agrees to be the second but expresses reservations.
Strengths
  • Intense character dynamics
  • Compelling dialogue
  • High emotional impact
Weaknesses
  • Some repetitive dialogue
  • Limited physical action

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively builds tension and sets up a crucial decision point for the protagonist, Bobby Fischer. It showcases his internal struggles and external conflicts, keeping the audience engaged and invested in his journey.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of Bobby Fischer's inner turmoil and external challenges in the world of competitive chess is compelling and well-executed. The scene effectively explores his complex relationships and the high stakes involved in his decision-making process.

Plot: 7

The plot advances significantly in this scene as Bobby Fischer faces a pivotal moment that could potentially alter the course of his career. The conflicts and tensions introduced here set the stage for future developments in the story.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh perspective on the world of chess tournaments, focusing on the psychological and interpersonal aspects rather than just the gameplay. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and engaging.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters in the scene, particularly Bobby Fischer and Father Lombardy, are well-developed and add depth to the narrative. Their interactions reveal layers of complexity and provide insight into their motivations and personalities.

Character Changes: 7

Bobby Fischer undergoes a significant emotional transformation in this scene, grappling with his past grudges and making a crucial decision about his future. His interactions with Father Lombardy and Marshall reveal new facets of his personality and motivations.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to convince Father Lombardy to be his second in an upcoming chess tournament. This reflects Marshall's need for support and validation from a respected figure in the chess world.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to ensure Bobby, the chess player, is prepared for the tournament and does not cause any trouble. This reflects the immediate challenge of managing Bobby's behavior and reputation.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The scene is filled with internal and external conflicts that drive the narrative forward and heighten the stakes for the characters. The tensions between Bobby Fischer, Father Lombardy, and Marshall create a sense of urgency and drama.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting viewpoints and motivations between the characters. The uncertainty surrounding Bobby's behavior adds to the opposition and tension.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in this scene as Bobby Fischer faces a critical decision that could impact his career and reputation. The conflicts and tensions escalate, raising the emotional intensity and suspense for the audience.

Story Forward: 8

The scene propels the story forward by introducing key conflicts, decisions, and character dynamics that will shape future events. It sets the stage for dramatic developments and resolutions, keeping the audience invested in the narrative.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the shifting dynamics between characters and the uncertainty surrounding Bobby's behavior and performance in the tournament.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between the protagonist's belief in Bobby's talent and potential, and Father Lombardy's skepticism and concern about Bobby's mental health. This challenges Marshall's worldview and belief in Bobby's abilities.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from tension and resentment to defiance and determination. The audience is likely to feel deeply engaged with Bobby Fischer's struggles and conflicts, empathizing with his internal turmoil.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue in the scene is sharp, confrontational, and reflective of the characters' inner conflicts. It effectively conveys the tension and emotional depth of the interactions, enhancing the overall impact of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the dynamic dialogue, the tension between characters, and the high stakes of the chess tournament. The audience is drawn into the conflict and intrigue.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the characters' motivations and conflicts.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and concise, following the expected format for a dialogue-heavy scene in a screenplay.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a structured format that effectively builds tension and reveals character motivations. It sets up the conflict and stakes for the upcoming tournament.


Critique
  • This scene exposition-heavy and lacks action or dialogue to propel the plot forward.
  • The characters of Marshall and Lombardy discuss Bobby Fischer in a way that feels like they are informing the audience about his past, rather than having a natural conversation.
  • The dialogue is stiff and unnatural, and does not reveal much about the characters or their relationship.
  • The scene does not advance the plot or develop the characters in any meaningful way.
  • The scene is not immediately clear whether the club is the Manhattan Chess Club or Brooklyn Chess Club. This should be established clearly for clarity.
Suggestions
  • Add more action or dialogue to the scene to make it more engaging.
  • Rewrite the dialogue to make it more natural and revealing of the characters.
  • Consider cutting some of the exposition and focusing on the more important details.
  • Consider adding a conflict or obstacle to the scene to make it more dramatic.
  • Consider having the characters discuss Bobby Fischer in a more personal way, rather than just stating facts about him.



Scene 13 -  Bobby Fischer's Chess Mastery and Generosity
42 INT. MANHATTAN CHESS CLUB - GAME ROOM - DAY 42

Marshall ushers Lombardy in. Bobby is dressed to kill.

MARSHALL
Bobby? Father Lombardy's here... *

LOMBARDY
How ya doing, Bobby?

BOBBY
Against Petrosian in Zurich in the
third game you shouldn't have
sacrificed your King's pawn. That's
the thing that got ya.

Father Lombardy rocks back a little...
Yellow Revision 10-11-13 34.

BOBBY (CONT'D)
You always play too cautiously but
then you go crazy in the other
direction. It's a bad weakness.

They peer at each other.

BOBBY (CONT'D)
Hey, if I criticize a priest, do I
go to hell?

LOMBARDY
...Depends if you believe in God.

BOBBY
(nods appreciatively)
Good move.

He gestures at the chessboards lined up before them.

BOBBY (CONT'D)
I'm going to show you how you could've
won in thirteen moves.

LOMBARDY
Not possible.

Several tables have been laid out in advance.

BOBBY
Okay, here's where you screwed up.
You got greedy and traded knight for
bishop, sacrificed your pawn. But
what if you'd done this...

He puts the pieces back on the board with an arrogant slap.

BOBBY (CONT'D)
See, the Russians are like boa
constrictors. If you do nothing,
they strangle you to death, but if
you confuse him, attack him
everywhere...

Bobby moves rapidly. Pieces moving, trading.

BOBBY (CONT'D)
First my machine guns attack his
king. BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! All
he can do is defend himself--

Five more moves. Check. Check. He takes a rook.
Pink Revision 10-01-13 34A.

LOMBARDY
You understand, Bobby, this tournament
is about diplomacy.

Bobby ignores him, moves to the next table.

BOBBY
I want five hundred dollars for each
game. I want to buy my sister
something for her new baby.

LOMBARDY
I heard you were taking medication.

BOBBY
My sister sent me to a doctor who
put me on something but I started
playing as badly as you. So I stopped.

He makes three more tactical moves.

BOBBY (CONT'D)
Now we've got him on the run.

LOMBARDY
What about Rook takes Bishop?

BOBBY
Of course. The smoke clears. He
thinks he's safe... But there's a
plot to kill the king, an assassin
is waiting, forgotten in the
background.

Lombardy is entranced.

BOBBY (CONT'D)
You see the Russian Queen, standing
there, so high and mighty? She thinks
she can protect him.

Bobby goes to the next table, making several quick moves--

BOBBY (CONT'D)
--Suddenly the assassin comes to
life! The King tries to escape.
But now the hunt is on--!

He makes a few furious final moves, trapping the white King.

BOBBY (CONT'D)
Even his beloved Queen can't save
him. The King is defenseless. The
King is dead.
Pink Revision 10-01-13 35.

The Kind Falls

LOMBARDY
Holy shit.

BOBBY
I didn't know priests used bad
language...
(to Marshall)
I like this guy.
(to Lombardy)
Father? Take the crazy kid to
California.
Genres: ["Drama","Biography"]

Summary Chess prodigy Bobby Fischer meets with Father Lombardy at the Manhattan Chess Club, critiquing one of Lombardy's past games and demonstrating a superior strategy. As they play, Fischer discusses buying a gift for his sister's new baby and his experience with medication. The scene concludes with Fischer winning the game, showcasing his impressive skills.
Strengths
  • Sharp dialogue
  • Intense chess gameplay
  • Character development
Weaknesses
  • Limited physical action
  • Heavy focus on chess strategy

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene is engaging, intense, and provides insight into Bobby Fischer's character and his passion for chess. The dialogue is sharp and the conflict between Bobby and Father Lombardy adds depth to the scene.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the scene revolves around Bobby Fischer's chess skills, his interactions with Father Lombardy, and his determination to win. The focus on strategy and gameplay is well-executed.

Plot: 7

The plot of the scene centers around Bobby Fischer's chess game with Father Lombardy and his desire to improve his gameplay. The conflict between the characters drives the scene forward.

Originality: 8

The scene showcases a fresh approach to depicting chess gameplay, with detailed descriptions of moves and strategies that add authenticity to the characters' actions and dialogue.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters of Bobby Fischer and Father Lombardy are well-developed and their interactions reveal their personalities and motivations. Bobby's passion for chess and Father Lombardy's analytical approach create a compelling dynamic.

Character Changes: 7

Bobby Fischer's character undergoes a subtle change in the scene as he interacts with Father Lombardy and reflects on his gameplay. His determination and passion for chess are highlighted, showing growth in his skills and mindset.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to showcase his superior chess skills and knowledge to Father Lombardy. This reflects Bobby's desire for recognition, validation, and superiority in his field.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to impress Father Lombardy with his chess skills and secure financial support for his family. This goal reflects Bobby's immediate need for financial assistance and validation of his talent.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict between Bobby Fischer and Father Lombardy, both in terms of chess strategy and personal interactions, adds tension and drama to the scene. Their differing approaches to the game create a compelling conflict.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting perspectives on chess gameplay and character motivations that create tension and uncertainty.

High Stakes: 8

The high stakes in the scene revolve around Bobby Fischer's desire to win, improve his gameplay, and prove himself as a chess master. The tension and conflict between Bobby and Father Lombardy raise the stakes and add drama to the scene.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by showcasing Bobby Fischer's ongoing journey in the world of chess, his interactions with key characters like Father Lombardy, and his dedication to improving his gameplay. The scene sets up future conflicts and developments.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists in the chess match and the characters' interactions, keeping the audience on their toes.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between Bobby's strategic and aggressive approach to chess and Lombardy's diplomatic and cautious perspective. This challenges Bobby's belief in the importance of aggressive gameplay and Lombardy's emphasis on diplomacy in chess.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from tension and excitement during the chess game to admiration for Bobby's dedication and passion for the game. The confrontational dialogue adds depth to the emotional impact.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue in the scene is sharp, confrontational, and reveals the characters' personalities and motivations. The back-and-forth between Bobby and Father Lombardy adds tension and depth to the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense character dynamics, strategic gameplay, and witty dialogue that keeps the audience invested in the outcome of the chess match.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by maintaining a fast and engaging rhythm, keeping the audience invested in the characters' interactions and the outcome of the chess match.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a dialogue-heavy and action-driven scene in a screenplay, with clear scene descriptions and character actions.

Structure: 9

The scene follows the expected structure for a dialogue-heavy and character-driven scene in a screenplay, with clear character motivations and interactions.


Critique
  • In the opening lines, Marshall announces Lombardy's arrival to Bobby, which feels a bit redundant since Lombardy enters the scene immediately after. This redundancy can be trimmed to improve the flow of the dialogue.
  • While Bobby's immediate critique of Lombardy's past chess strategy provides insight into his character, it comes across as overly didactic and might be better placed in a more appropriate context where Bobby can elaborate on his thought process.
  • The repeated use of the phrase 'crazy kid' to refer to Bobby could be seen as somewhat dismissive and undermines the seriousness of his mental health concerns. Consider finding a more appropriate and respectful term.
  • The scene's ending, where Bobby abruptly declares his liking for Lombardy and asks him to take the crazy kid to California, feels abrupt and lacks a proper transition. This abruptness could be addressed by providing a smoother lead-up to Bobby's request or by adding some follow-up dialogue that explores his reasons for making such a request.
  • The reference to Marshall's concern about Bobby exploding may be too vague or metaphorical for readers to fully understand. Clarifying this concern would enhance the scene's impact.
  • The lack of descriptive language or stage directions in the scene makes it difficult to visualize the setting and the characters' actions. Adding more descriptive elements would help readers connect with the scene on a deeper level and create a more immersive experience.
Suggestions
  • Consider trimming the opening lines to remove the redundancy and allow the scene to start with Lombardy's entrance.
  • Rework Bobby's critique of Lombardy's chess strategy to make it less didactic and more engaging. Perhaps have Bobby explain his reasoning in a more conversational tone.
  • Replace the dismissive term 'crazy kid' with a more respectful and appropriate alternative.
  • Rewrite the ending to provide a smoother transition to Bobby's request. Consider adding dialogue that explores his reasons for making the request.
  • Clarify Marshall's concern about Bobby exploding to make it more understandable to readers.
  • Incorporate more descriptive language and stage directions to help readers visualize the setting and the characters' actions.



Scene 14 -  Fischer's Frustration: A Tense Arrival in Santa Monica
43 EXT. SANTA MONICA BEACH 43

Beach Boys harmonies.

ARCHIVAL FOOTAGE & MOCK-DOC: Waves crash on a sun-drenched
beach. The surf is up. Long boards and polka-dot bikinis.

Four black limos pull up beside the beach.

Caption: Santa Monica, California, June 1966.

KGB men in dark suits and shades emerge. Out of the rear
doors step TEN less well-built men, also in dark suits. The
SOVIET CHESS TEAM steps hesitantly onto the sand.

RADIO DJ (V.O.)
This is 93 KHJ, Los Angeles...
Yellow Revision 10-11-13 36.

The KGB men watch the grand masters stroll self-consciously
on the beach. A few SURVEILLANCE SHOTS.

RADIO DJ (V.O.) (CONT'D)
Don't be fooled by the warm weather
because the Cold War just blew into
town. The Soviet chess team arrived
in LA for a good-will tournament.

BORIS SPASSKY lights a cigarette. He is trim, athletic. He
wears dark shades, hair brushed back. An impressive figure.

RADIO DJ (V.O.) (CONT'D)
With them is the current world
champion, Boris Spassky, said to be
the best chess player who ever lived.

Spassky takes off his shades and rubs his eyes against the
bright light. We sense a certain weariness...

44 EXT. BEVERLY HILLS HILTON HOTEL 44

The fleet of limos cruise up the palm-fringed courtyard.
The doormen jump to attention. Photographers take photos.

RADIO DJ (V.O.)
The comrades are booked into the
Beverly Hills Hilton Hotel. So much
for working class values...

Boris is hurried inside by two KGB men.

RADIO DJ (V.O.) (CONT'D)
If you're listening guys, welcome to
the free world and enjoy the sunshine.

45 EXT. SANTA MONICA MOTEL, OCEAN AVENUE - DAY 45

In the seedy parking lot, a couple of hookers are smoking.
A taxi pulls in. Lombardy, Marshall and Bobby emerge.

Bobby looks at the seedy Motel, shakes his head.

BOBBY
Right.
Green Revision 10-14-13 37.

46 INT. SANTA MONICA MOTEL, OFFICE 46

Lombardy and Marshall are checking in while Bobby paces. He *
checks out the mural of Santa Monica, observes passing kids. *

BOBBY
...Really hot in here... What's *
going on? *

MOTEL CLERK *
Repair guy didn't show.

BOBBY
(to Marshall)
You said a hotel, not some roach
coach that rents by the hour.

MOTEL CLERK *
You a rock star?
(to Marshall)
Acts like a rock star.

BOBBY
You know what? I ain't staying here.

Bobby turns and walks out the door.
Genres: ["Drama","Biography"]

Summary The scene opens in Santa Monica, California, where the Soviet chess team, including world champion Boris Spassky, arrives for a good-will tournament. The team, accompanied by KGB men, appears uncomfortable on the beach and is taken to the Beverly Hills Hilton Hotel. Meanwhile, American chess players Fischer, Lombardy, and Marshall arrive at a seedy motel in Santa Monica. Fischer, dissatisfied with the accommodations, argues with the motel clerk and leaves, causing a rift with his companions. The scene is tense and uncomfortable, with the main conflict centering around Fischer's difficult personality and his dissatisfaction with the motel.
Strengths
  • Strong character development
  • Effective dialogue
  • Tension-building
Weaknesses
  • Low stakes
  • Limited action

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively conveys Bobby Fischer's frustration and defiance through his reactions to the motel, showcasing his strong-willed personality and setting up potential conflicts.


Story Content

Concept: 7

The concept of contrasting environments and Bobby's reaction to them adds depth to his character and sets the stage for future conflicts.

Plot: 8

The plot advances as Bobby's discontent with the motel hints at his rebellious nature and potential conflicts to come.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on the Cold War era by blending political tensions with beach culture, creating a unique and engaging setting. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and add depth to the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters, especially Bobby Fischer, are well-developed and their personalities shine through in their interactions and reactions.

Character Changes: 6

Bobby's defiance and frustration are highlighted, showcasing a potential shift in his character as he navigates challenges.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to navigate the unexpected and less-than-ideal situation of staying at a seedy motel, reflecting his desire for comfort and luxury.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to find suitable accommodation for himself and his companions, reflecting the immediate challenge of dealing with a disappointing motel.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict between Bobby and his surroundings, as well as his inner turmoil, adds tension and sets the stage for future confrontations.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create conflict and challenge the characters, adding depth to their interactions and decisions.

High Stakes: 6

The stakes are relatively low in this scene, but the tension and conflict set the stage for higher stakes to come.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by establishing Bobby's rebellious nature and hinting at future conflicts and challenges.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected situation of the characters staying at a seedy motel, adding a layer of uncertainty and tension.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between the protagonist's desire for comfort and the reality of the situation, highlighting themes of class differences and expectations.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes a sense of frustration and disillusionment, especially through Bobby's reactions and dialogue.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue effectively conveys Bobby's frustration and defiance, as well as his interactions with Marshall and the motel clerk.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the mix of humor, tension, and character dynamics that keep the audience invested in the unfolding events.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and humor, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the characters' journey.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings, descriptions, and character actions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with well-defined beats and transitions, effectively setting up the conflict and character dynamics.


Critique
  • The scene is well-written and effectively sets up the arrival of the Soviet chess team in Santa Monica. However, there are a few areas where it could be improved.
  • The dialogue could be more natural and less expositional. For example, the radio DJ's voiceover could be replaced with a conversation between Bobby, Lombardy, and Marshall.
  • The description of the Soviet chess team could be more vivid and specific. For example, instead of saying "Ten less well-built men, also in dark suits," you could say "Ten stocky men with receding hairlines and thick mustaches, also in dark suits."
  • The scene could be more visually interesting. For example, you could include a shot of the KGB men scanning the beach with binoculars or a shot of the Soviet chess team walking in slow motion towards the Beverly Hills Hilton Hotel.
  • The scene could be more emotionally engaging. For example, you could include a shot of Bobby watching the Soviet chess team arrive with a mixture of awe and fear.
Suggestions
  • Replace the radio DJ's voiceover with a conversation between Bobby, Lombardy, and Marshall.
  • Add more vivid and specific details to the description of the Soviet chess team.
  • Include more visually interesting shots, such as a shot of the KGB men scanning the beach with binoculars or a shot of the Soviet chess team walking in slow motion towards the Beverly Hills Hilton Hotel.
  • Include a shot of Bobby watching the Soviet chess team arrive with a mixture of awe and fear.



Scene 15 -  Bobby's Frustration and Boris's Paranoia
47 EXT. SANTA MONICA MOTEL, PARKING LOT 47

Bobby emerges with Lombardy and Marshall in pursuit.

BOBBY
You said, "improved accomodations." *

MARSHALL
This is improved. Somebody else is
paying for it.

BOBBY
Where are the Russians staying?

Lombardy and Marshall exchange a look.
Green Revision 10-14-13 38.

LOMBARDY
We don't have their kind of money. *

BOBBY
Money?! We invented money --

LOMBARDY
We rely on private donors. *

BOBBY
So find some rich ones! *
(shakes his head)
The Russians get whatever they want
because their government understands
what it takes to win. Chess is a *
national priority! They don't put *
chess players next to Route 66! *
(looks at the traffic)
All I want is some QUIET!!

One of the hookers speaks up out of nowhere...

HOOKER
So stop yelling.

Bobby looks up. She's attractive, if somewhat... obvious. *

BOBBY
You're right. Sorry. What's your
name?

DONNA
Donna.

BOBBY
See ya later, Donna. I'm going for
a walk.

HOOKER *
Want some company?

BOBBY
Sure.

He sets off toward the ocean. Donna hurries to catch up.
Lombardy turns to Marshall

LOMBARDY
And he hasn't even started playing.
Yellow Revision 10-11-13 38A.

48 INT. BEVERLY HILTON HOTEL, BORIS SPASSKY'S SUITE 48

The suite is vast. A shower is running A note in English
and Russian: 'The Beverly Hills Hilton Hotel welcomes Mr
Boris Spassky....Chess Champion of the World'.

Along with his dark suit, Boris has packed a Hawaiian shirt.
A small crucifix hangs inside his open suitcase. On a table
a chessboard with the pieces set for a new game.

Boris emerges, drying himself. Then the door opens. An
adviser enters. This is GELLER. He carries a folder.

Their conversation is in Russian with ENGLISH SUBTITLES.

BORIS
You don't knock?

GELLER
You didn't hear me.

Geller immediately turns off the radio jazz.
Green Revision 10-14-13 39.

BORIS
It is interfering with your listening
devices?

GELLER
(smiling)
Now you are being paranoid.

Geller goes to the window, looks down.

GELLER (CONT'D)
I came in here because there is a
better view. Come and see. There
is a black goddess lying by the pool
and you can see right up her crotch.
This is a great country, yeah?
(peers at him, again:)
I said this is a great country, yes?

Boris doesn't respond. Geller tosses a folder onto the bed.

GELLER (CONT'D)
The American team. There is someone
on this list I hoped was dead.

49 EXT. SANTA MONICA BEACH 49

Bobby is walking in his sharp suit, the waves drenching his
shoes. He is walking with purpose, mumbling, lost in a game
being played in his head.

Then we see Donna trailing behind, high heels in hand.

DONNA
This is all you wanted to do?

Bobby has spaced out for a moment. He snaps back. *

BOBBY
Huh? Collect shells if you want. *

DONNA
You walk pretty fast.

Bobby stops, sits down on the sand and stares out to sea.

BOBBY
Maybe I'll sleep here instead.

Donna sits down heavily beside Bobby and lights a cigarette.

BOBBY (CONT'D)
So what do you do, Donna?

Donna looks quizzically at Bobby.
Green Revision 10-14-13 40-42.

DONNA
I fuck people.

BOBBY
Yeah? So do I.
(pondering)
...Listen, after I've won this chess
thing I was thinking maybe I'd get
rid of my virginity. It's getting
stupid, you know--?

DONNA
...You've never had sex?

BOBBY
Not with someone else, no.

DONNA
I'll make you an introductory offer.
300 bucks.

BOBBY
Two hundred. *

DONNA *
Two-fifty. *

BOBBY *
Two twenty-five. And if I win I get *
the next one for free. *

DONNA
You really represent America?

BOBBY
Hell, yeah. I represent America.
Yellow Revision 10-11-13 43.

50 OMITTED 50

51 OMITTED 51
Genres: ["Drama","Biography"]

Summary In the parking lot of the Santa Monica Motel, Bobby expresses his frustration with the noise to Lombardy and Marshall. Meanwhile, in the suite of Boris Spassky in the Beverly Hilton Hotel, Boris discusses the American team with his adviser Geller in Russian. Bobby ends up going for a walk with a hooker named Donna on the beach, while Boris remains paranoid about listening devices. The scene ends with Bobby and Donna continuing their walk, while Boris and Geller continue their discussion in the hotel suite.
Strengths
  • Intense conflict
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue may come off as overly confrontational

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively conveys the tension and conflict surrounding Bobby Fischer's experience at the chess tournament, showcasing his defiance and resentment towards the unequal treatment between American and Russian players.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of highlighting the disparity in resources and support between American and Russian chess players is compelling and adds depth to Bobby Fischer's character.

Plot: 7

The plot advances as Bobby Fischer's frustration grows, leading to a confrontation with his companions and a decision to walk away from the seedy motel.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces unique characters and situations, such as Bobby's unconventional conversation with Donna the hooker and his candid discussion about sex. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds a fresh approach to familiar themes of competition and power dynamics.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters, especially Bobby Fischer, are well-developed and their emotions and motivations are clearly portrayed in the scene.

Character Changes: 7

Bobby Fischer's character undergoes a subtle change as he becomes more defiant and determined to stand up for himself.

Internal Goal: 8

Bobby's internal goal in this scene is to find some peace and quiet amidst the chaos and frustration he is experiencing. His desire for tranquility reflects his deeper need for control and stability in his life.

External Goal: 7

Bobby's external goal is to figure out where the Russians are staying and to secure better accommodations for himself. This goal reflects the immediate challenge he is facing in the competition and his desire to level the playing field.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between Bobby Fischer and his companions, as well as the underlying tension between American and Russian players, is intense and drives the scene forward.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Bobby facing challenges from external forces such as the Russians and internal conflicts with his own desires and frustrations. The audience is left unsure of how Bobby will navigate these obstacles.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are high as Bobby Fischer grapples with the unequal treatment and lack of support in the world of chess, leading to a pivotal decision.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by showcasing Bobby Fischer's growing frustration and his decision to walk away from the seedy motel.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected interactions between characters, such as Bobby's conversation with Donna and his candid remarks about sex. The audience is kept on their toes by the shifting dynamics and conflicts.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the idea of money and power, with Bobby expressing his frustration at the Russians' advantage due to their government support. This challenges Bobby's belief in meritocracy and fair competition.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from frustration and defiance to curiosity and resentment, making it emotionally impactful.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue effectively conveys the tension and conflict between the characters, particularly Bobby Fischer and his companions.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the dynamic character interactions, sharp dialogue, and tension-filled atmosphere. The mix of humor and drama keeps the audience invested in the unfolding events.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a mix of fast-paced dialogue and slower moments of reflection. The rhythm and flow contribute to the tension and atmosphere of the scene, keeping the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character actions. The formatting enhances the readability and flow of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with well-defined character interactions and dialogue. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the effectiveness of the scene, building tension and conflict.


Critique
  • The scene lacks a clear goal or conflict, making it difficult to engage the reader.
  • Bobby's dialogue is repetitive and somewhat childish, which may not accurately reflect his character's intelligence.
  • The introduction of the hooker character feels forced and unnecessary.
  • The transition between Bobby leaving the motel and the scene cut to Boris Spassky's suite is abrupt and disorienting.
  • The dialogue between Boris and Geller is in Russian with English subtitles, which may alienate readers who do not speak Russian.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a clear goal or conflict to the scene, such as Bobby trying to convince Marshall and Lombardy to find better accommodations or Bobby struggling to adjust to the unfamiliar environment.
  • Revise Bobby's dialogue to make it more mature and reflective of his character.
  • Explore alternative ways to introduce the hooker character that are more natural and relevant to the story.
  • Provide a smoother transition between the two scenes, perhaps by showing Bobby walking to the beach and reflecting on his situation, or by including a brief establishing shot of Boris Spassky's suite.
  • Consider translating the dialogue between Boris and Geller into English to make it more accessible to readers.



Scene 16 -  Bobby's Determined Preparation
52 EXT. BEVERLY HILTON HOTEL - NEXT DAY 52

The Soviet chess team climb into their fleet of Limos. Boris
appears to have two KGB guards allocated just to him.

53 INT. BOBBY'S MOTEL ROOM 53

As Bobby is getting dressed, he and Lombardy play "blind"
chess. The board, the pieces, it's all in their heads.
Green Revision 10-14-13 43A.

BOBBY
Bishop to Queen 3.

LOMBARDY
Bishop to Knight 5.

BOBBY
Knight to King Knight 5.

LOMBARDY
King Rook to Queen 1.

Each moves elicits a reaction. Delight or dread.

BOBBY
Queen to Knight 4. Ha!

LOMBARDY
You sonofabitch.

BOBBY
(grinning)
Not me. Morphy vs. Anderssen.

Lombardy's competitive instincts are emerging.

LOMBARDY
Bishop to Bishop 1.

BOBBY
King Rook to K1.

LOMBARDY
Pawn to Queen Rook 4.

BOBBY
Queen to King 7.

LOMBARDY
Queen takes Queen.

BOBBY
Rook takes Queen.

Lombardy studies the board in his head.

LOMBARDY
.....Shit.

Bobby just smiles. Marshall knocks and enters.

MARSHALL
You ready?

He hands Bobby a three-page stapled mimeo. *
Green Revision 10-14-13 43B.

MARSHALL (CONT'D)
Background on the Soviet and Cuban
teams.

BOBBY
Are you kidding? The Russians have
a folder this thick on me. They've
been studying me since I was twelve. *

He tears it up, turns to check himself out in the mirror. *

BOBBY (CONT'D)
They're sitting by the pool in their *
fancy hotel, having drinks, laughing. *
(squares his tie)
We'll see who's laughing tonight. *

He starts for the door.

BOBBY (CONT'D)
You coming?

Bobby leaves. Lombardy smiles at Marshall.

LOMBARDY
I think he's ready.
Green Revision 10-14-13 44.
Genres: ["Drama","Biography"]

Summary In this scene, Bobby gets dressed in his motel room and plays a mental game of chess with Lombardy, showing his focus and determination for the upcoming tournament. Marshall enters with a background report on the Soviet and Cuban teams, which Bobby tears up and throws away, further emphasizing his confidence and readiness to compete against them. The scene ends with Bobby leaving the motel room with Marshall, ready to take on the competition.
Strengths
  • Intense dialogue
  • Unique concept of blind chess
  • Character development through competition
Weaknesses
  • Limited emotional depth
  • Focus solely on chess match

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene is engaging, intense, and showcases the competitive spirit of the characters. The focus on the chess match adds depth to the characters and moves the story forward.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of playing blind chess adds a unique and intense element to the scene, showcasing the characters' strategic thinking and competitive nature.

Plot: 7

The plot advances as Bobby prepares to face the Russian chess team, setting up a high-stakes match and highlighting the tension between the American and Russian players.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh perspective on the world of competitive chess, highlighting the psychological aspects of the game and the personal motivations of the characters. The authenticity of the dialogue and character actions adds to the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters, especially Bobby and Lombardy, are well-developed and their competitive spirits shine through in the intense chess match.

Character Changes: 7

The characters, especially Bobby, show growth and determination as they prepare for the high-stakes chess match, showcasing their development throughout the scene.

Internal Goal: 8

Bobby's internal goal is to prove himself against the Soviet chess team and assert his dominance in the world of chess. This reflects his need for validation and recognition of his talent.

External Goal: 7

Bobby's external goal is to win against the Soviet chess team in the upcoming match. This goal reflects the immediate challenge he is facing in the competition.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict between Bobby and the Russian chess team, as well as the internal conflict within the characters during the intense chess match, adds tension and drama to the scene.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Bobby facing off against the Soviet team and the internal conflict of proving himself in the competition.

High Stakes: 9

The high stakes of the chess match against the Russian team, as well as the competitive tension between the characters, raise the stakes and add intensity to the scene.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by setting up the tension between the American and Russian chess players, leading to the anticipated match and highlighting the competitive nature of the characters.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable due to the shifting power dynamics between the characters and the uncertainty of the upcoming chess match.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the idea of talent, preparation, and strategy in chess. Bobby's confidence in his natural talent clashes with the Soviet team's meticulous preparation and study of his games.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

The emotional impact is moderate, with a focus on the characters' determination and frustration rather than deep emotional moments.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is sharp, focused on the chess moves, and reveals the competitive nature of the characters. It adds depth to the scene and keeps the audience engaged.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to the intense character dynamics, sharp dialogue, and high-stakes competition, keeping the audience invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and momentum, leading up to the climax of the upcoming chess match.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene descriptions, character actions, and dialogue.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with a focus on character interactions and dialogue, effectively building tension and setting up the upcoming competition.


Critique
  • The scene lacks a clear purpose or direction. It is not immediately clear what the characters are doing or what they are trying to achieve.
  • The dialogue is somewhat repetitive and does not reveal much about the characters or their motivations.
  • The scene is too long and could benefit from being trimmed down to focus on the most important moments.
  • The background report on the Soviet and Cuban teams is not particularly relevant to the scene and could be cut without losing anything important.
Suggestions
  • Add a clear purpose or direction to the scene. What are the characters trying to achieve? What is the conflict that is driving the scene?
  • Revise the dialogue to make it more revealing of the characters and their motivations. Avoid repetitive lines and focus on creating a natural and engaging conversation.
  • Trim down the scene to focus on the most important moments. Cut out any unnecessary dialogue or actions that do not contribute to the overall purpose of the scene.
  • Consider cutting the background report on the Soviet and Cuban teams. It is not particularly relevant to the scene and could be provided in a more concise way later on.



Scene 17 -  Bobby Fischer's Anxious Encounter: A Mother's Impact on His Chess Game
54 EXT. SANTA MONICA TOURNAMENT HALL 54

The Soviet flag and the Stars and Stripes hang above a hall.

55 INT. SANTA MONICA TOURNAMENT HALL 55

Players, audience and journalists wait for the matches to
begin. The Russians receive last minute briefings. Lombardy
is pouring coffee as Marshall enters, frantic.

MARSHALL
He's not anywhere! If he's not seated
in four minutes, he forfeits.

LOMBARDY
He'll be there.

MARSHALL *
A little prayer wouldn't hurt. *

LOMBARDY *
I pray for his opponent. *

Marshall shakes his head and hurries away. *

*
Green Revision 10-14-13 45.

56 INT. SANTA MONICA TOURNAMENT, MEN'S ROOM 56 *

Marshall enters and begins to check the cubicles.

MARSHALL
Bobby? You here?

BOBBY (O.S.)
In here.

Marshall finds Bobby fully clothed, sitting on the toilet,
busily writing on a scrap of paper.

MARSHALL
What the hell? You've go to take
your seat!

Bobby gets to his feet, handing Marshall the note.

BOBBY
I had to find somewhere quiet. I
want you to give this to her... *

MARSHALL
To who?

BOBBY
My mom.

Bobby gives him the letter. For a moment we glimpse the
fragile little boy inside Bobby. He goes to wash his hands.

BOBBY (CONT'D)
She lives in California now. She'll
be here.

MARSHALL
Bobby, you've drawn Ivanovich in the
first round.

BOBBY
Whatever you do, don't let her watch
me. She'll screw up my game. Just
stop her and give her the letter
(dries his hands)
I've told her to follow on the radio.

MARSHALL
Bobby, Ivanovich is officially the
third best chess player in the world.

Bobby's little boy look is replaced by a roguish grin.
Green Revision 10-14-13 46.

BOBBY
Fourth.
Genres: ["Drama","Biography"]

Summary In this tense scene, Marshall frantically searches for Bobby Fischer, who is writing a letter to his mother, requesting Marshall to give it to her and prevent her from watching his game. Bobby expresses his fear that her presence might affect his performance. The setting is the Santa Monica Tournament Hall during a chess tournament, filled with players, audience, journalists, and Russian team members. The conflicts include Marshall's concern about Bobby's timely arrival for his game and Bobby's anxiety regarding his mother's presence. The scene concludes with Marshall understanding Bobby's concerns and informing him about his opponent, Ivanovich.
Strengths
  • Effective tension-building
  • Emotional depth of characters
  • Realistic portrayal of pressure and competition
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue may feel slightly cliched or predictable

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively builds tension and sets up high stakes for Bobby Fischer's upcoming chess match. The emotional vulnerability shown by Bobby adds depth to his character.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of mental preparation and the pressure of competition is well executed in this scene. The focus on Bobby's relationship with his mother adds a layer of emotional complexity.

Plot: 7

The plot revolves around Bobby Fischer's mental state and preparation for a crucial chess match, setting up anticipation for the outcome.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on the classic underdog story, with a focus on the protagonist's internal struggles and personal relationships. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters, especially Bobby Fischer, are well-developed and show vulnerability and determination, adding depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 7

Bobby Fischer shows vulnerability and a more human side, hinting at potential character growth and development.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to maintain focus and control over his game, despite the distractions and emotional baggage from his past.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to win the chess match against Ivanovich, the third best chess player in the world, while also ensuring that his mother does not interfere with his game.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict between Bobby's internal struggles and the external pressure of the chess match creates a tense atmosphere.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist facing both external challenges in the chess match and internal conflicts with his mother's interference.

High Stakes: 9

The high stakes of the chess match and Bobby Fischer's emotional turmoil raise the tension and importance of the scene.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by setting up the crucial chess match and highlighting Bobby Fischer's emotional state.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twist of the protagonist's mother interfering with his game and the tension of facing a formidable opponent.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the protagonist's relationship with his mother and how it impacts his performance in the game. It challenges his beliefs about control, focus, and emotional stability.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a sense of empathy for Bobby Fischer's internal struggles and the pressure he faces, leading to an emotional impact on the audience.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue effectively conveys the tension and urgency of the situation, as well as Bobby's emotional state.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the high stakes, emotional conflict, and dynamic character interactions that keep the audience invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene builds tension effectively, with a balance of dialogue and action that keeps the audience engaged and invested in the outcome.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene adheres to the standard format for a screenplay, with clear scene headings, action lines, and dialogue.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a dramatic moment in a sports competition, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution.


Critique
  • The scene lacks a clear purpose or direction. It is unclear what the characters are trying to achieve or what the stakes are.
  • The dialogue is stilted and unnatural. The characters speak in a way that no real people would.
  • The scene is too long and drawn out. It could be condensed to make it more impactful.
  • The scene does not advance the plot in any meaningful way. It could be cut without losing anything important.
  • The scene is full of clichés and stereotypes. It could be more original and creative.
Suggestions
  • Give the scene a clear purpose or direction. What are the characters trying to achieve? What are the stakes?
  • Rewrite the dialogue to make it more natural and believable.
  • Condense the scene to make it more impactful.
  • Cut the scene if it does not advance the plot in any meaningful way.
  • Be more original and creative in your writing.



Scene 18 -  Bobby Fischer's Triumphant Upset at the Santa Monica Tournament
57 INT. SANTA MONICA TOURNAMENT PLAYING HALL 57

A chessboard. A clock TICKS. An empty chair with Bobby's
name on it. Russian Grandmaster IVANOVICH sits opposite.
An adviser whispers in his ear. Lombardy checks his watch.

REFEREE
If he is not here in sixty seconds
the game will be forfeited.

Ivanovich folds his arms and waits.

A door at the far end of the room OPENS. Bobby saunters in. *
His casual attitude immediately wrong-foots his opponent. A *
ripple of APPLAUSE as he raises one hand in acknowledgement.

An official hands Bobby his "move" card.

BOBBY
(patting his pockets;
to Lombardy)
Gotta pen?

Lombardy hands him a pen. Bobby sits and waits for the clock
to run down some more, staring directly at Ivanovich. *

Ten seconds left on the clock. Ivanovich begins to wilt a
little. Bobby smiles a devilish smile and whispers...

BOBBY (CONT'D)
Ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five,
four, three...two...

Bobby SLAPS his first move, then SLAPS his clock just as
hard. His eyes never leave Ivanovich's face.

58 EXT. SANTA MONICA TOURNAMENT HALL, NIGHT 58

The Limos are waiting. *

The auditorium doors open and Ivanovich appears, escorted by
the Soviet team advisor, LIVO NEI, who hurries him into one
of the waiting cars. Ivanovich has his head bowed.

59 INT. LIMO - BACK SEAT (TRAVELING - POOR MAN'S PROCESS) 59

The limo pulls away. Ivanovich sits beside Nei, staring
straight ahead. They speak Russian with ENGLISH subtitles.
Yellow Revision 10-11-13 47.

IVANOVICH
It was like... having a building
fall on me.

NEI
When we get to the hotel the team
doctor will give you a thorough
examination.
(looks at him)
You lost because you have the flu.
You probably caught it on the flight.

IVANOVICH
Yes. I do have a headache.

60 OMITTED 60

61 EXT. SANTA MONICA MOTEL, OUTDOOR PAY PHONE - NIGHT 61

Rain drenches the parking lot. Bobby is on the pay phone,
wired. Donna appears out of one of the rooms.

DONNA
Hey, heard you won... Congrats!
(watches him)
What's wrong with the phone in your
room?

BOBBY
I heard this click, click. Our phone
was always bugged growing up.
(dialing)
Some family, huh? My mom is bugged
by us, I'm bugged by the Russians.

DONNA
Who you calling?
Green Revision 10-14-13 48.

BOBBY
(on the phone)
Operator, I'm trying to find a number
for Regina Fischer....well how many *
Regina Fischers can there be in
California?....
(to Donna)
Making sure my mom doesn't come *
tomorrow. *
(on the phone)
Somewhere near the beach....
(to Donna)
She likes the ocean.
(on the phone)
Well ask the lady next to you and
she can ask the lady next to her.
You sit in lines, right?

Donna stifles a giggle.

BOBBY (CONT'D)
Just look her up in your--

He's cut off. *

BOBBY (CONT'D) *
Shit. *

DONNA *
So you want to lose your virginity
tonight?

BOBBY
Donna, I haven't forgotten our
arrangement and I'm looking forward
to it.
(smiles)
But tonight I've got to practice. I
killed one of them today so tomorrow
they'll come at me like wasps.

Bobby turns and walks off into the rain.
Genres: ["Drama","Biography"]

Summary Bobby Fischer, in a display of calculated confidence, arrives late to his chess match against Russian Grandmaster Ivanovich at the Santa Monica Tournament. His nonchalant demeanor disrupts Ivanovich's focus, resulting in an unexpected win for Fischer. Afterward, Fischer calls his mother, Regina, to prevent her from attending his next match, further emphasizing his desire for independence.
Strengths
  • Intense emotions
  • Character development
  • Engaging dialogue
  • High stakes
Weaknesses
  • Some abrupt transitions
  • Limited focus on other characters

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively combines intense emotions, high stakes, and character development, making it engaging and impactful.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a pivotal chess match intertwined with personal struggles and interactions adds depth and complexity to the scene.

Plot: 7

The plot revolves around Bobby Fischer's chess match with Ivanovich, showcasing his unique approach to the game and personal challenges.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh approach to the competitive chess setting by focusing on the psychological tactics and mind games between the characters. The authenticity of the dialogue and character interactions adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters, especially Bobby Fischer, are well-developed and their interactions add layers to the scene.

Character Changes: 7

Bobby Fischer undergoes emotional turmoil and displays his unique approach to chess, showcasing character development.

Internal Goal: 8

Bobby's internal goal in this scene is to assert his dominance and confidence in the face of his opponent, Ivanovich. This reflects Bobby's need for validation, recognition, and control in a competitive environment.

External Goal: 7

Bobby's external goal is to win the chess match against Ivanovich. This goal reflects the immediate challenge he is facing in the tournament and his desire for victory.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict between Bobby Fischer and Ivanovich in the chess match, as well as Bobby's internal struggles, creates tension and drama.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Bobby facing a formidable opponent in Ivanovich. The uncertainty of the chess match outcome adds to the tension and suspense.

High Stakes: 9

The high-stakes chess match and Bobby Fischer's personal struggles raise the stakes and add intensity to the scene.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by highlighting Bobby Fischer's journey in the chess tournament and his personal challenges.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists and turns in the characters' actions and dialogue. The outcome of the chess match is uncertain, adding to the suspense.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is the clash between Bobby's individualistic, rebellious nature and the structured, disciplined world of competitive chess. Bobby's casual attitude and unconventional approach challenge the traditional norms of the game.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from tension during the chess match to empathy for Bobby's personal struggles.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is engaging and reveals insights into the characters' emotions and motivations.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the high stakes, intense competition, and psychological tension between the characters. The strategic thinking and mind games keep the audience on the edge of their seats.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a gradual build-up of tension, strategic thinking, and psychological warfare. The rhythm of the dialogue and character interactions enhances the effectiveness of the scene.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with clear scene descriptions, character actions, and dialogue. The formatting enhances the readability and flow of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a competitive sports drama, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the effectiveness of the scene.


Critique
  • The scene is well-written and engaging, but it could be improved by adding more detail to the setting and the characters' actions. For example, you could describe the tournament hall in more detail, including the size, shape, and lighting. You could also describe Bobby's and Ivanovich's body language and facial expressions as they interact. This would help the reader better understand the characters and the atmosphere of the scene.
  • The dialogue is natural and believable, but it could be more concise in places. For example, you could cut out some of the unnecessary repetition in Bobby's dialogue. This would make the scene more streamlined and easier to read.
  • The scene is a bit too long. It could be shortened by cutting out some of the unnecessary dialogue and action. For example, you could cut out the part where Bobby slaps his first move and then slaps his clock just as hard. This would make the scene more concise and focused.
  • The ending of the scene is a bit abrupt. It would be more satisfying if you could provide a brief epilogue that shows Bobby's reaction to winning the game. This would give the reader a sense of closure and leave them feeling satisfied.
  • There is not much conflict in the scene. Bobby easily defeats Ivanovich, and there is no real sense of tension or suspense. You could add some conflict to the scene by having Ivanovich be a more formidable opponent or by having Bobby face some other obstacle, such as a broken clock or a noisy audience.
Suggestions
  • Add more detail to the setting and the characters' actions.
  • Make the dialogue more concise.
  • Shorten the scene by cutting out some of the unnecessary dialogue and action.
  • Provide a brief epilogue that shows Bobby's reaction to winning the game.
  • Add some conflict to the scene by having Ivanovich be a more formidable opponent or by having Bobby face some other obstacle.



Scene 19 -  Chess, Paranoia, and Flirtation: A Night in the Life of Bobby Fischer
62 INT. BOBBY'S MOTEL ROOM - LATER THAT NIGHT 62

Bobby and Lombardy are playing "blitz." Speed chess.
Lombardy is pushing Bobby. Bobby pushes back.

BOBBY
Passed up having sex for this.

WHAP. Hits the clock. WHAP. Lombardy makes a counter-move.

LOMBARDY
Passed it up for twenty years.
Yellow Revision 10-11-13 48A.

63 EXT. MOTEL ROOM - SAME 63

Bobby's is the only light still on. From inside, we HEAR
WHAP, WHAP, WHAP as their practice continues into the night.
Green Revision 10-14-13 49.

64 EXT. BEVERLY HILTON HOTEL - SAME 64

KGB guys flirt with American women.

A SHADOW slips past. It's Boris Spassky making his escape.

65 EXT. BEVERLY HILLS STREETS 65

Boris wanders through residential Beverly Hills.

66 INT. SANDWICH SHOP, BEVERLY HILLS - NIGHT 66

Boris is playing a pinball machine inside a sandwich shop.
Geller peering in from the street, spots him and enters.

GELLER
Been looking for you. *

Boris keeps playing.

GELLER (CONT'D)
You have a game tomorrow. You should
be sleeping.

Outside, a limo pulls up and a KGB man gets out. Geller nods
through the window that everything is all right.

GELLER (CONT'D)
Disappearing makes people nervous.

BORIS
Is Ivanovich really sick?

GELLER
Influenza. We are flying him home.

Boris looks at him, knows he's lying. Goes back to his game.

GELLER (CONT'D)
It looks bad to lose even one game
to an American.

Boris allows the ball to drop out of play.
Green Revision 10-14-13 50.

GELLER (CONT'D)
If Fischer makes it to the final you
will be there to crush him.

The CLICK of a SURVEILLANCE SHOT from across the street.

67 INT. SANTA MONICA MOTEL - MORNING 67

Marshall walks out. Lombardy takes him aside.

LOMBARDY
We have a problem.

Bobby is standing by the empty pool, holding a sheet of paper.

BOBBY
I'm not going to play again until my
conditions are met.

MARSHALL
What conditions?

BOBBY
Number one. From now on we arrive
at tournaments in a big black car
like the Russians.

MARSHALL
Limousines cost money.

BOBBY
Number two. My picture was on today's
front page of the LA Times. The *
more I win, the more people come. A *
thousand people are paying 5 dollars *
apiece to see me play. That's $5,000.
I want 30%. $1,500. *

MARSHALL
Bobby--

BOBBY
Money is respect. Chess is a sport.
People respect sports stars.
(reading)
Number three. I need five feet between
me and the audience. I can smell
their breath, it's almost like I
hear their thoughts. My thoughts
need to be on the board.

MARSHALL
Is that all?
Green Revision 10-14-13 50A.

BOBBY
And get somebody to check our phones *
aren't being bugged. *
(starts off)
Screw the limo. I'm walking.
Green Revision 10-14-13 51.

Bobby sets off. Lombardy sets off after him.

A68 EXT. MOTEL - CONTINUOUS A68

Lombardy catches up to him.

LOMBARDY
You ready to talk about the match
now?

BOBBY
(grins)
Forgive me, father, for I have
sinned..

Lombardy can't help but smile. Bobby can be disarming.

LOMBARDY
Yeah, right. Now....if Benko plays *
the Sicilian, what's your counter? *

We can no longer HEAR them as they walk away but their
animated gestures signal the intensity of their preparation.

68 INT. SANTA MONICA MOTEL, OFFICE - NIGHT 68

The motel clerk is watching local news on a small TV.

NEWS ANCHOR (V.O.)
Americans don't beat Russians at
chess. But it happened today in
Santa Monica--

INTERCUT DOC-STYLE "news" footage of Bobby's victories --
masterful, slapping his pieces, scribbling in his notebook.

NEWS ANCHOR (V.O.) (CONT'D)
--and when American chess sensation
Bobby Fischer is around, it just
keeps on happening....

Donna and the motel clerk are watching on the tiny TV.

CLERK
Son of a bitch broke three of my
phones looking for bugs.
Green Revision 10-14-13 52.

DONNA
That's what rock stars do. They
trash hotel rooms.

NEWS ANCHOR (V.O.)
Tomorrow, a record crowd will watch
the American -- Bobby Fischer -- as
he faces Russian World Champion Boris
Spassky in the final match.

Donna stares at the screen, wide-eyed.

DONNA
Never fucked a champion before.
Genres: ["Drama","Biography","Sports"]

Summary In this intense and serious scene, Bobby Fischer practices speed chess with Lombardy in his motel room while KGB agents flirt with women outside. Meanwhile, Boris Spassky makes his escape and ends up in a sandwich shop where Geller warns him about disappearing. The next morning, Bobby sets out his conditions for playing again, including a limo, a portion of the ticket sales, and more space during games. This creates a conflict with Marshall due to Bobby's paranoia about being bugged and his desire for respect and money. The scene ends with Donna expressing her excitement about meeting Bobby and the news anchor announcing the final match between Bobby and Boris.
Strengths
  • Intense atmosphere
  • Sharp dialogue
  • High stakes
Weaknesses
  • Limited emotional depth
  • Character development could be more pronounced

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene is engaging, intense, and sets up a high level of anticipation for the upcoming chess match. The negotiation of conditions adds depth to the protagonist's character and raises the stakes.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of negotiating conditions for a chess match and the clash between American and Russian chess players is intriguing and well-executed.

Plot: 8

The plot is focused on the protagonist's preparation for a crucial chess match and the tension between the American and Russian players, driving the story forward.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh perspective on the competitive world of chess and explores themes of power, autonomy, and respect. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and engaging.


Character Development

Characters: 7

The characters, especially Bobby Fischer and Father Lombardy, are well-developed and their interactions add depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 6

Bobby Fischer shows his assertiveness and determination in negotiating his conditions for the match, but there could be more significant character development.

Internal Goal: 8

Bobby's internal goal in this scene is to assert his worth and demand respect for his talent and achievements. This reflects his deeper need for validation and recognition as a skilled chess player.

External Goal: 7

Bobby's external goal is to negotiate better conditions for himself before playing in the tournament. This reflects the immediate challenge he faces in asserting his demands and maintaining control over his environment.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

There is a high level of conflict present in the negotiation of conditions for the chess match and the contrasting strategies of the American and Russian players.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Bobby facing resistance from his manager and the chess establishment, adding complexity and conflict to the narrative.

High Stakes: 9

The high stakes are evident in the negotiation of conditions for the match and the intense preparation for the showdown between Bobby Fischer and Boris Spassky.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by setting up the crucial chess match and highlighting the protagonist's demands and strategies.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists in the negotiation between Bobby and his manager, as well as the power dynamics at play.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between Bobby's individualism and the expectations of the chess world. Bobby values his autonomy and demands respect for his talent, while the chess establishment expects him to conform to certain norms and rules.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes tension, anticipation, and determination, but could benefit from deeper emotional exploration.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is sharp, intense, and reveals the characters' motivations and personalities effectively.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the high stakes, intense dialogue, and dynamic character interactions.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and maintaining the audience's interest, with a balance of dialogue and action.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and follows the expected format for its genre, with concise action lines and dialogue.

Structure: 7

The scene follows a clear structure with a buildup of tension and conflict, leading to a resolution. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the effectiveness of the scene.


Critique
  • The scene is too long and could be shortened to improve pacing.
  • The dialogue is stilted and unnatural, and could be rewritten to sound more like real speech.
  • The characters are not well-developed, and their motivations are unclear.
  • The scene lacks a clear conflict, and as a result, there is no tension or suspense.
  • The ending of the scene is abrupt and unsatisfying.
Suggestions
  • Shorten the scene by cutting out unnecessary dialogue and action.
  • Rewrite the dialogue to sound more natural and like real speech.
  • Develop the characters more by giving them clear motivations and backstories.
  • Add a clear conflict to the scene, and build tension and suspense as the conflict unfolds.
  • Give the scene a more satisfying ending by resolving the conflict and providing a sense of closure.



Scene 20 -  Bobby's Anxious Night Before the Match
69 INT. SANTA MONICA MOTEL, BOBBY'S ROOM - NIGHT 69

Bobby lies in bed, lost in thought. Donna is beside him. *

DONNA
Wasn't so bad was it?

BOBBY
.....See, the problem is I'm black...

DONNA
Huh?

BOBBY
I like to open with the Kings Indian
but he's an expert on the Samisch.

DONNA *
Who? *

BOBBY *
Spassky. So maybe a Grunfeld... *
But then I need to find a remedy to *
P-B4...

He spins inward. She's feeling a little left out. *

DONNA *
....Did you reach your Mom? Bet *
she'd be proud.

She tries stroking his arm. He withdraws slightly. *

BOBBY
Gotta go back to work.

Bobby is already pulling on his pants, leaving the room.

DONNA
Yeah, it was good for me, too.
Green Revision 10-14-13 52A.

70 INT. SANTA MONICA MOTEL ROOM - LATER THAT NIGHT 70

Bobby can't sleep. Paces. Studies his notebook. It's *
1:00am.Bobby drinks milk. Paces. Studies more. It's 3:30am.

He's about to drift off. The alarm clock RINGS. 7:00am. *

71 INT. SANTA MONICA TOURNAMENT HALL 71 *

Bobby and Lombardy walk a hallway. Bobby looks like hell. *

*
Green Revision 10-14-13 53.

LOMBARDY
Up late, huh? You all right? *

Their eyes meet for a flicker.

BOBBY
Never better.

72 INT. SANTA MONICA TOURNAMENT HALL - DAY 72

Bobby stops before entering the playing area and sees Spassky. *
Boris looks rested and detached. Lombardy sees him looking. *

LOMBARDY
You got this guy.

BOBBY
Think I don't know that?

Across the hall, Boris senses Bobby's gaze. Their eyes meet.
We sense the two men have made fatal contact, and one of *
them must be destroyed. Bobby looks away first.

Bobby and Spassky approach their table. The audience APPLAUDS.

The two men stand behind their seats. Geller whispers in
Boris's ear. Livo Nei hands him a note pad and pen. A third *
brings him a worksheet, a fourth hands him a glass of water.

Lombardy leans in to whisper to Bobby.

LOMBARDY
Remember, don't try to overpress.
If he opens with the Nimzo--

BOBBY
(harsh whisper)
You think I'm a idiot!?!

Lombardy is mortified. Bobby is immediately contrite.

BOBBY (CONT'D)
...Sorry, Father.
Green Revision 10-14-13 54.

He looks up to see if Boris has heard him. Boris steps
forward, extending his hand. Bobby hesitates and the flicker
of hesitation is caught by Spassky. Finally they shake.

Boris sits down calmly as Bobby drops into his chair.

Bobby is distracted by THE SOUND of a chair scraping. His
eyes dart to it.

He looks back -- only to realize Boris has been watching him
the whole time. Bobby tries to stare at him. Boris smiles.
He has already won.
Genres: ["Drama","Biography","Sports"]

Summary Bobby Fischer is unable to sleep before his important match with Boris Spassky. His anxiety leads him to pace in his motel room and study his notebook. Donna tries to comfort him, but he leaves to work. At the tournament hall, Bobby meets Lombardy and assures him he's fine, but gets angry when Lombardy advises him not to overpress. Boris and Bobby shake hands before their match, with Boris appearing calm and composed, leaving Bobby feeling tense and uncertain.
Strengths
  • Intense character dynamics
  • Emotionally charged dialogue
  • High-stakes conflict
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue may be overly dramatic or cliched

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene is gripping and emotionally charged, providing insight into the complex character of Bobby Fischer and setting the stage for a pivotal moment in his life.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a high-stakes chess match between Bobby Fischer and Boris Spassky is compelling and drives the tension in the scene.

Plot: 8

The plot advances significantly as Bobby Fischer prepares to face off against his formidable opponent, Boris Spassky, setting the stage for a crucial moment in his career.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh perspective on the competitive world of chess, blending personal struggles with intellectual challenges in a compelling way.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters, especially Bobby Fischer and Boris Spassky, are well-developed and their interactions add depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 8

Bobby Fischer undergoes a subtle change as he prepares to face Boris Spassky, showing a mix of confidence and vulnerability.

Internal Goal: 8

Bobby's internal goal in this scene is to mentally prepare himself for the upcoming chess tournament and overcome his self-doubt and insecurities.

External Goal: 7

Bobby's external goal is to win the chess tournament and prove himself as a skilled player.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between Bobby Fischer and Boris Spassky is palpable, adding tension and drama to the scene.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Bobby facing internal doubts and external pressure to perform in the tournament.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high as Bobby Fischer faces off against his rival Boris Spassky in a pivotal chess match.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by setting up the crucial chess match between Bobby Fischer and Boris Spassky.

Unpredictability: 7

The scene is unpredictable in terms of Bobby's internal struggles and the outcome of the chess tournament, keeping the audience on edge.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around Bobby's struggle with self-doubt and the pressure to perform in a competitive environment.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from anxiety to determination, making it emotionally impactful.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is sharp and reveals the inner thoughts and conflicts of the characters, particularly Bobby Fischer.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its intense character dynamics, emotional depth, and high stakes setting.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, leading up to the crucial moment of the chess tournament.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene adheres to the expected format for a dramatic and intense moment in a screenplay.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a structured format that effectively builds tension and sets up the upcoming chess tournament.


Critique
  • The scene's focus on Bobby's anxiety and preoccupation with the upcoming match against Spassky is well-executed, creating tension and anticipation. However, Donna's character seems underdeveloped and her dialogue lacks depth, making her presence feel insignificant.
  • The pacing in the first part of the scene could be improved, as the conversation between Bobby and Donna feels slow and disconnected. The dialogue should be more engaging and reveal more about their relationship or Bobby's thoughts.
  • The transition from the previous scene to this one is abrupt, and it might be helpful to provide more context for the reader to understand the timeline and location changes.
Suggestions
  • Develop Donna's character further by giving her more meaningful dialogue and making her more involved in the scene. This could include discussing Bobby's game, expressing her own thoughts, or revealing more about her personality.
  • Add more tension and excitement to the conversation between Bobby and Donna by having them discuss the upcoming match, Bobby's fears, or his strategies. This will help engage the reader and create a stronger connection to the characters.
  • Provide a brief transition or context at the beginning of the scene to help the reader understand the change in location and time since the previous scene. This could include a line of dialogue, a descriptive sentence, or a time stamp.



Scene 21 -  A Chess Prodigy's Struggle: Loss, Mental Health, and Potential Support
73 EXT. SANTA MONICA TOURNAMENT HALL 73

The door SLAMS open and Bobby bursts through. His fury tells
all. He has lost. Lombardy and Marshall hurry to catch up.

LOMBARDY
Bobby, you beat three Russians. *

MARSHALL *
They're waiting to give you the
runners-up medal.

BOBBY
A medal for losing? *

LOMBARDY *
No one expected you to beat Spassky. *

BOBBY *
She wasn't here, was she? *

MARSHALL *
Who? *

He doesn't wait for an answer and walks off toward the beach. *

MARSHALL (CONT'D) *
At least talk to the TV people. *

74 EXT. SANTA MONICA BEACH - DUSK 74 *

Bobby trudges in the sand. Tears well as he collapses like
a disconsolate child. He has lost. His carefully-cultivated,
illusion of invincibility is shattered, revealed for what it
is, a cloak for the vast, untouchable hole in his heart.

He idly draws a chessboard in the wet sand -- torturing
himself with memories of losing.
Green Revision 10-14-13 55.

A wave rolls in, washing out his drawing. He sits there,
water pooling around him.

75 INT. SANTA MONICA MOTEL, LOMBARDY'S ROOM - THAT NIGHT 75

Lombardy sits on the bed. Marshall enters. *

MARSHALL
He's disappeared.

He pours himself a drink. *

LOMBARDY
He'll be back.

MARSHALL
How can you be so sure?

LOMBARDY
It's all that matters to him. Without
chess, he doesn't exist.

MARSHALL
You think he can ever beat Spassky?

Lombardy nurses his drink, non-committal.

MARSHALL (CONT'D)
Hypothetically, what would it take
to make him world champion?

LOMBARDY
(stares at him)
The desk clerk asked why we're making
so many calls to DC. I didn't call
DC. Who have you been talking to--?

MARSHALL
There are people...in high places...
who take an interest in any
confrontation between us and the
Soviet Union.

LOMBARDY
The state department?
(no answer)
The CIA?
(no answer)
The WHITE HOUSE?

MARSHALL
Bobby wants limos? He gets limos.
And they'll throw in 'honorariums'
for each victory.
Green Revision 10-14-13 56.

LOMBARDY
Paid for by who?

Marshall stares back at him. *

MARSHALL
Are you a patriot, father?

LOMBARDY
Mostly.

MARSHALL
Bobby may be a little off but he *
understands this whole thing better
than you.
(looks at him)
We're at war. Only it's not being
fought by guns and missiles -- not
yet at least -- it's a war of
perception. The poor kid from
Brooklyn taking on the whole Soviet
Empire. The perfect American story.

LOMBARDY
(starts to laugh)
Which means you're out schnorring
right wing anti-Communist money
people? This wouldn't possibly be
helpful to the Nixon White House?

MARSHALL
...There's such a thing as doing *
well by doing good. And you haven't
answered my question...

Lombardy takes a sip of whiskey. *

LOMBARDY
Bobby Fischer is the second best
chess player I have ever seen. He
also has severe problems in his head.

MARSHALL
Which need to be understood and
managed.

LOMBARDY
Managed? Bobby?
(shakes his head)
Ever heard of Paul Morphy? 1855.
(MORE)
Green Revision 10-14-13 57.

LOMBARDY (CONT'D)
Greatest player this country ever
had -- before Bobby, that is. By 21
he'd beaten every master in Europe.
Liked to play ten people at a time.
Blindfolded. Then things got a little
weird. Started having "visions,"
became convinced people were trying
to poison him. Quit at 26 and
eventually killed himself in the
bathtub surrounded by twelve pairs
of ladies' shoes.

Lombardy takes another sip. *

LOMBARDY (CONT'D)
This game is a rabbit hole. After *
only four moves there are more than
three hundred billion options to
consider, more forty-move games than
the number of stars in the galaxy,
more openings, defenses, gambits
than there are atoms in the universe.
(remembering)
It can bring you very close to the
edge. I've been there. When I was
twenty-three, I--

MARSHALL
(interrupting)
Nice story, father. With respect,
my question was about Bobby. Could
he win?

Lombardy glares at him.

LOMBARDY
If Bobby went for the title it would
mean traveling around the world
playing interzonals for three years...
That's three years in much worse
places than this one.
(finishes his whiskey)
In my opinion he might not make it
that long.

Marshall stands up, taking the bottle with him.

MARSHALL
It's your job to see that he does.
If we ever find him.
Pink Revision 10-01-13 58.
Genres: ["Drama","Biography","Historical"]

Summary Bobby, a talented chess player, loses a match at the Santa Monica Tournament and collapses on the beach, drawing a chessboard in the sand. His friends and mentors, Lombardy and Marshall, discuss his state of mind and future, addressing his emotional struggle, potential as a world champion, and the involvement of influential people willing to support him. The scene ends with uncertainty regarding Bobby's well-being and career.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Complex characters
  • Political intrigue
Weaknesses
  • Some unclear dialogues
  • Pacing issues in parts

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene is powerful in its emotional depth and the introduction of political elements adds layers to the story. However, it could benefit from more clarity in certain dialogues.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring Fischer's psychological state and the political backdrop of the chess world is compelling. The scene effectively sets up future conflicts and character development.

Plot: 7

The plot advances with Fischer's defeat and the introduction of the political machinations behind the scenes. However, the pacing could be improved in certain parts.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh perspective on the world of competitive chess, exploring the psychological toll of success and the ethical dilemmas of ambition. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and emotionally resonant.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters, especially Bobby Fischer and Father Lombardy, are well-developed and their interactions reveal deeper layers of their personalities. The introduction of Marshall adds a new dynamic to the scene.

Character Changes: 8

Fischer undergoes a significant emotional transformation in this scene, moving from confidence to vulnerability. This sets the stage for further character development.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to come to terms with his defeat and the realization of his vulnerabilities. This reflects his deeper need for validation, fear of failure, and desire for self-worth.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to decide whether to continue pursuing the world championship title in chess. This reflects the immediate challenge of balancing personal well-being with professional ambition.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between Fischer's personal demons, his ambition, and the external pressures he faces creates a tense and gripping atmosphere.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting viewpoints, personal stakes, and ethical dilemmas creating obstacles for the protagonist to overcome.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high for Fischer, both personally and professionally, as he grapples with defeat and the pressure to succeed in the chess world.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by revealing Fischer's emotional state, introducing new conflicts, and setting up future events in the narrative.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the shifting power dynamics, moral ambiguity, and the protagonist's uncertain future. The audience is left wondering about the outcome of his decisions.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict revolves around the protagonist's mental health and the ethical implications of pushing him to achieve greatness despite his struggles. It challenges the values of ambition, success, and mental well-being.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions, particularly through Fischer's breakdown after his defeat. The audience is deeply invested in his journey.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is intense and confrontational, reflecting the emotional turmoil of the characters. However, some exchanges could be clearer to enhance the impact.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its emotional intensity, complex character dynamics, and thematic depth. The audience is drawn into the protagonist's internal and external struggles.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and emotional resonance, allowing moments of introspection and dialogue to unfold naturally.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting adheres to the expected format for a dramatic screenplay, with clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a coherent structure, moving between different locations and character interactions to build tension and emotional depth.


Critique
  • While the scene focuses on exploring Bobby's reaction to losing the match and his mental state, the dialogue could be more impactful. By adding depth and nuances to the discussion between Marshall and Lombardy, it can further enhance the portrayal of Bobby's mental struggles. Providing specific quotes with suggestions can help the writer improve the dialogue.
  • The scene lacks a strong visual description of Bobby's surroundings as he collapses on the beach, resulting in a lack of emotional connection with the reader. Enhancing the imagery through vivid descriptions of the beach, the sound of waves, and Bobby's physicality would create a more immersive and evocative experience for the reader.
  • The dialogue between Marshall and Lombardy could be more engaging and delve deeper into Lombardy's insights about Bobby's mental health. By exploring Lombardy's professional observations and personal experiences, it can provide a more comprehensive understanding of the challenges Bobby faces and the potential consequences of his untreated mental health issues.
  • The scene could benefit from a clearer transition between Bobby's loss and the discussion between Marshall and Lombardy. A smooth connection between these elements would help the reader follow the flow of events and emotions more seamlessly.
  • The scene concludes without a sense of resolution or progression. Expanding the dialogue to explore potential next steps, such as plans to find Bobby or address his mental health concerns, can provide a stronger closure to the scene.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding specific quotes from Marshall and Lombardy that demonstrate their concerns for Bobby's mental health, his potential to become world champion, and the challenges he faces due to his mental state.
  • Enhance the emotional impact of Bobby's collapse on the beach by describing the desolate surroundings, the crashing waves, the sound of his ragged breathing, and the sense of isolation he experiences.
  • Deepen Lombardy's character by having him share his personal experiences with mental health struggles, providing a relatable perspective on Bobby's situation and the importance of seeking help.
  • Connect Bobby's loss to the discussion between Marshall and Lombardy by using transitional phrases or describing their reactions to the news, bridging the gap between the events and the ensuing dialogue.
  • Conclude the scene with a sense of purpose by having Marshall and Lombardy discuss concrete plans to locate Bobby, address his mental health concerns, or seek support from relevant organizations, leaving the reader with a sense of anticipation for the next steps.



Scene 22 -  Bobby Fischer's Confrontation with Spassky and the KGB
76 EXT. BEACH - DAY 76

Bobby has slept on the beach. His clothes are rumpled and
his hair is wild. As he sits up he sees an odd sight.

A hundred yards down the beach, a big black limo has disgorged
three MEN. Two are KGB. The third is wearing a Beverly Hills
hotel bathrobe. It's Boris Spassky, come for his morning
swim. The KGB men carry his clothes.

Bobby watches, fascinated, as Boris shrugs off his bathrobe
and begins an exercise regime. Bobby gets to his knees as
Boris walks into the ocean and begins to swim. The KGB guys
smoke cigarettes, waiting for Boris to finish.

As Boris steps out of the ocean, a KGB guy holds out a towel
for him. Bobby leaps to his feet and yells...

BOBBY
Hey!! Asshole!! They're not
bodyguards, they're jailers!! They've
got your brain. They're inside your
mind! They wouldn't even let you
kill yourself if you wanted!!

Boris looks up as Bobby yells, but he is far away and looks
like a bum, so he doesn't immediately recognize him...

KGB GUY
Just some drunk sleeping it off.
America is full of them.

Bobby, meanwhile, is laughing to himself. He steps into the
ocean, fully clothed, and begins to splash around...

BOBBY
Look at me man, I'm free!

He jumps into the waves and begins to play. Boris stares and
slowly realizes it's Bobby.

BOBBY (CONT'D)
I'm coming for you, man!! Better
get ready -- 'cause I'M...COMING!!

The KGB minders quickly hustle Boris away, but not before he
looks back to see Bobby take a sardonic bow.

We might notice something new in Boris's eyes when he realizes
that Bobby has recovered from the loss. He is unnerved.

A77 EXT. MOSCOW (ARCHIVAL FOOTAGE)- MORNING A77

Lomonosov Moscow University Dormitories, February 1967.
Green Revision 10-14-13 59.

77 INT. MOSCOW APARTMENT - MORNING 77

A man answers the door. A postman hands him a Russian
magazine. The cover features a photograph of Bobby. We might
notice he has large feet inside his ragged tartan slippers.

78 INT. MOSCOW APARTMENT, LIVING ROOM 78

Cyril hands the magazine to Regina. Bobby is on the cover. *

CYRIL *
He is officially entering the race *
to become world champion.

Regina nods, walks away toward the bedroom with the magazine.

79 INT. MOSCOW APARTMENT, SPARE ROOM 79

When she enters, WE SEE walls covered in clippings and
photographs of Bobby: headlines from the NY Times, LA Times,
London Times and Pravda. Covers from Life and Time magazine.

We PAN past articles proclaiming his triumphs. (Fischer
dominates at Skopje). 70's hard rock kicks in.

80 DOC-STYLE: WE'RE IN A HALL (70'S ROCK CONT. OVER) 80

Bobby is being interviewed.

BOBBY
....The Russians are afraid of me,
man. They've avoided me for years.
(a big grin)
They can run but they can't hide!

A scrum of reporters bears down on him.

REPORTER
Bobby, you're the first American
ever to reach the interzonal semis.
How does it feel? Are you afraid?

Bobby freezes. He stares at all the people yelling at him.

BOBBY
I have nothing to say to you...

The words his mom taught him years ago.

BOBBY (CONT'D)
I HAVE NOTHING TO SAY TO YOU!!
Yellow Revision 10-11-13 60.

In her room, Regina adds another article: "Fischer Withdraws
from Monaco."

We INTERCUT between articles and mini-scenes of Bobby's long
road to the championship.

81 IN A NATANYA HOTEL ROOM (70'S ROCK CONT.) 81

Bobby works out with weights as Lombardy watches skeptically.

LOMBARDY
23... 24... Push. PUSH...! 25!

Bobby is wasted but he won't stop.

BOBBY
One more set.

He begins another set. Lombardy starts again at "1".

82 OMITTED 82

83 DOC-STYLE: IN A TOURNAMENT HALL (70'S ROCK CONT.) 83

RADIO ANNOUNCER (V.O.)
Today, rising American chess champion,
Bobby Fischer won his twentieth
consecutive game... a world record.

Bobby writes "mate" on his scorecard. The player opposite
him has been crushed. Bobby hands the pen to Lombardy.

84 DOC-STYLE: OUTSIDE THE TOURNAMENT HALL (70'S ROCK CONT.) 84

Bobby is surrounded by FEMALE FANS swooning over him. Bobby's
loving it. He turns to Lombardy.

BOBBY
You sure we can't stay here a couple
more days?

Lombardy grins. Bobby is enjoying the fruits of stardom.

85 IN A HOTEL ROOM (70'S ROCK CONT.) 85

Bobby lies in bed, listening to a tape recording. The CULT
PREACHER is understated but authoritative. Like a father.
Yellow Revision 10-11-13 61.

CULT PREACHER (V.O.)
The tide of history is changing,
friend. God's plan has left them
behind, so they plot to take the
world away from God...

Lombardy passes by in the hallway, looks in.

LOMBARDY
What are you listening to?

BOBBY
The Worldwide Church of God. These
people are into some heavy shit.

CULT PREACHER (V.O.)
They will do anything in their power
to destroy us. If we have any hope
of surviving, we must expose them
before the whole world...

Lombardy walks out, shaking his head.

86 DOC-STYLE: IN A PARK (70'S ROCK CONT.) 86

Another interview.

BOBBY
I mean, what do we really know about
radiation? ICBM'S? There are lots
of things our government doesn't
tell us.

Regina adds an article: "Fischer Boycotts Fed for 2nd Time"

87 BACK TO THE PARK (70'S ROCK CONT.) 87

An interviewer speaks to him, off-camera

INTERVIEWER (O.S.)
So, Bobby, when did you last see
your mother?

BOBBY
....Uh...Haven't seen her in a few
years, actually.

88 IN THE MOSCOW APARTMENT 88

As Regina tacks up the latest cover of Bobby's face. It's as
if she can hear him being interviewed.

INTERVIEWER (O.S.)
And your father...?
Green Revision 10-14-13 62.

89 IN THE PARK 89

Bobby's eyes flash.

BOBBY
Look, I thought you wanted to talk
about chess.

He summarily walks out of frame.

90 IN THE MOSCOW APARTMENT 90

Regina looks deep into her son's eyes.

91 A HOTEL HALLWAY 91

That same face. Manic mode. Giving orders.

BOBBY
--What'd Vancouver come back with?

MARSHALL
They've agreed to let you approve
the lighting.

BOBBY
Good. What about the clocks? The *
BHB model with the button on top *
saves two seconds on each move.

MARSHALL
Flying them in from Germany.
Green Revision 10-14-13 63.

BOBBY
And the placement of the table?

MARSHALL
They say there's not enough room in
the hall.

BOBBY
That's bullshit! Tell them I insist *
on a ten foot radius.

MARSHALL
But if there isn't enough room--

BOBBY
I SAID, TELL 'EM! Now... What about
the money?

MARSHALL
They won't budge.

BOBBY
Then I won't play.

MARSHALL
Bobby--

BOBBY
Did you read Time magazine?
(quoting)
Quote. Bobby Fischer is changing
the face of chess, single-handedly
making it the fastest growing sport
in the world. Unquote.
(MORE)
Yellow Revision 10-11-13 64.

BOBBY (CONT'D)
You know how much Joe Namath makes?
$250,000. That's 12K per game. And
he's never won a single championship.
I'm EIGHT TIME U.S. champ. You know
what I make?

MARSHALL
So what you're saying is you want to
play for the Jets?

Bobby senses Lombardy's gaze, turns to him.

BOBBY
...What--?

LOMBARDY
Just wondering what any of this has
to do with chess.

At the end of the hallway, FANS are waiting.

BOBBY
(to Lombardy)
Gotta pen?

Lombardy obliges; a fan hands Bobby an autograph book.

BOBBY (CONT'D)
Tu jeux aux echecs?

The kid nods eagerly. Bobby grins.

BOBBY (CONT'D)
Better not be good. I don't need
any more competition.

The fan is thrilled as Bobby signs with a flourish.
Genres: ["Drama","Biography"]

Summary Bobby Fischer, a chess prodigy, confronts Boris Spassky, the Soviet World Chess Champion, and his KGB agents on a beach, claiming that the KGB is controlling Spassky. This encounter unnerves Spassky. Meanwhile, Regina Fischer, Bobby's mother, adds a magazine cover featuring Bobby to her collection of his press clippings in Moscow, highlighting his entry into the World Championship. The scene intercuts with various moments from Bobby's career, showcasing his intense training sessions, public appearances, and interviews.
Strengths
  • Intense confrontation between main characters
  • Emotional depth of Bobby Fischer's character
  • Setting up future conflicts and developments in the story
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue may be overly dramatic or confrontational

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene is intense, emotional, and sets up a significant confrontation between the main characters, Bobby Fischer and Boris Spassky. It effectively captures Bobby's defiance and mental state after a loss, adding depth to his character.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the scene, focusing on a pivotal encounter between Bobby Fischer and Boris Spassky on the beach, is well-executed. It adds layers to the characters and sets up future conflicts in the story.

Plot: 7

The plot in this scene revolves around Bobby Fischer's emotional state and his confrontation with Boris Spassky, adding tension and setting up future developments in the story.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh and original take on the confrontation between Bobby Fischer and Boris Spassky, blending elements of power dynamics and personal freedom in a unique way.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters, especially Bobby Fischer and Boris Spassky, are well-developed in this scene. Bobby's defiance and emotional turmoil, as well as Spassky's unnerved reaction, add depth to their rivalry.

Character Changes: 7

Bobby Fischer experiences emotional turmoil and defiance in this scene, showcasing a change in his character after a loss. The encounter with Boris Spassky sets up a complex dynamic between the two rivals.

Internal Goal: 8

Bobby's internal goal in this scene is to confront Boris Spassky and assert his own freedom and independence. This reflects Bobby's need to prove himself and challenge authority figures.

External Goal: 7

Bobby's external goal is to disrupt Boris Spassky's routine and assert his own presence and power. This reflects the immediate challenge of facing a formidable opponent in the chess world.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in this scene is high, with Bobby Fischer confronting Boris Spassky in a tense and emotional encounter on the beach. The confrontation adds depth to their rivalry and sets up future conflicts.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Bobby challenging the authority of Spassky and the KGB minders, creating a sense of conflict and tension.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in this scene, as Bobby Fischer confronts Boris Spassky after a loss, showcasing the intensity of their rivalry and the emotional turmoil Bobby is experiencing.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by deepening the rivalry between Bobby Fischer and Boris Spassky. It sets up future conflicts and developments in the plot.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of Bobby's unexpected actions and confrontational dialogue, keeping the audience on edge.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between freedom and control, as Bobby challenges the authority of the KGB minders and asserts his own independence. This challenges Spassky's beliefs about power and control.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene has a high emotional impact, showcasing Bobby Fischer's defiance and emotional turmoil after a loss. The confrontation with Boris Spassky adds depth to their characters and sets up a tense dynamic.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the intense emotions and confrontation between Bobby Fischer and Boris Spassky. It adds to the tension and sets the tone for their complex relationship.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the intense confrontation between Bobby and Spassky, as well as the dynamic character interactions and dialogue.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension and suspense, leading to a climactic confrontation between Bobby and Spassky.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear descriptions and dialogue cues.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear and engaging structure, building tension and conflict effectively.


Critique
  • The scene starts with little connection to the previous one. The transition is abrupt and confusing making it difficult for the audience to follow.
  • The dialogue between the KGB guy and Bobby feels forced and unnatural. The KGB guy's dismissive response to Bobby's behavior seems unrealistic, as someone in his position would likely take more caution around a potential threat.
  • The scene lacks a clear purpose or conflict. Bobby's yelling at Boris does not seem to have any significant impact on the story, and the overall scene feels like a disjointed moment with no clear connection to the rest of the film.
  • The intercutting with the archival footage of Moscow and the magazine cover feels disorienting and unnecessary. It disrupts the flow of the scene and does not add any meaningful context or information to the story.
  • The montage of Bobby's career highlights feels like a cheap and easy way to convey his rise to fame. It lacks emotional depth and does not provide any new insights into Bobby's character or motivations.
  • The dialogue in the interview scenes is repetitive and lacks originality. Bobby's responses are predictable and do not reveal anything new about his character.
  • The scene lacks visual interest and variety. The majority of the action takes place in a single location, and the camera work is static and uninspired.
Suggestions
  • Consider starting the scene with a brief recap or transition to help the audience connect it to the previous one.
  • Revise the dialogue between the KGB guy and Bobby to make it more natural and believable.
  • Add a clear purpose or conflict to the scene. Perhaps Bobby's yelling could lead to a confrontation or have some other impact on the story.
  • Remove the intercutting with the archival footage of Moscow and the magazine cover. Instead, find a more organic way to convey the passage of time and Bobby's rise to fame.
  • Expand the montage of Bobby's career highlights by including more personal moments or behind-the-scenes footage. This could help to create a more emotional connection with the audience.
  • Rewrite the dialogue in the interview scenes to make it more engaging and revealing. Give Bobby more complex and nuanced responses that provide insight into his character.
  • Add more visual interest and variety to the scene by using different camera angles, lighting, and composition. This could help to keep the audience engaged and visually stimulated.



Scene 23 -  Anxious Wife Seeks Comfort from Chess Agent
92 INT. THE SAME BROOKLYN DINER - DAY 92

Early 70's music. Joan is in booth, anxiously smoking a
cigarette. Marshall is already talking as he sits down.

MARSHALL
Joan, I'm between three airports and
hell. I have ten minutes in New
York to see my wife, kiss my kids
and talk to you. How the hell have
you been? You're looking great.

JOAN
I have to see him. Every time I
call, they say his phone is broken.
Yellow Revision 10-11-13 64A.

MARSHALL
That happens.
Pink Revision 10-01-13 65.

JOAN
You mean he breaks them. I want to
take him to see a doctor.

MARSHALL
That just won't be possible. He's
already in Vancouver ...Joan, it's
been a while since you saw him, right?

JOAN
Over a year.

MARSHALL
I can tell you he's in great shape.

Joan opens her purse and produces a pile of letters.

JOAN
Every week his letters get more crazy.
Go ahead, take a look.

MARSHALL
They're private letters to you Joan.
I respect his privacy.

Joan stares at him. Her face hardens.

JOAN
I showed them to a psychiatrist
friend. He said Bobby is displaying
signs of delusional psychosis.

MARSHALL
Chess is a crazy world. Some of the
things he says about the Soviets are
true. In Tunis we found listening
devices in his hotel room...

JOAN
(reading)
'The Communists infect my mind with
words that just keep repeating'.

Marshall blanches. He's not entirely without conscience.

JOAN (CONT'D)
'The Jews are helping them too. The
Jews want to keep the chess federation
all to themselves just like they own
New York and own and control most
Governments in the world'...
(crumples the letter)
We are Jewish. Bobby is Jewish.
What do your people say to him when
he comes out with this trash?
Yellow Revision 10-11-13 66.

MARSHALL
Joan, I swear this isn't just about
the title anymore. It's about the
beauty of the games he's playing.
(looks around)
Out of all the crazy stuff -- such
unimaginable beauty. A Da Vinci.
From Brooklyn. Once every five hundred
years... Grandmasters are watching
Bobby play with tears in their eyes.

JOAN
Well, I have tears in my eyes too!

Heads turn. Marshall checks his watch.

MARSHALL
Joan, I'll take care of him.
(touches her hand)
I'll make sure his life doesn't get
too crazy.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary In a Brooklyn diner, Joan, worried about her husband Bobby's mental health, discusses her concerns with Marshall, Bobby's chess agent and friend. Joan shares letters from Bobby that suggest delusional psychosis, but Marshall is hesitant to read them due to privacy concerns. Marshall reassures Joan about Bobby's successes in the chess world, but the main conflict remains unresolved as Marshall avoids addressing Joan's concerns directly. The scene ends with Marshall promising to take care of Bobby and ensure his life doesn't get too chaotic.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
  • Tension building
Weaknesses
  • Lack of resolution
  • Limited action

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively portrays the emotional turmoil and tension surrounding Bobby Fischer's mental health, creating a sense of unease and concern for the character.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring Bobby Fischer's descent into delusional psychosis adds depth to his character and raises the stakes in the story.

Plot: 7

The plot advances by revealing Bobby's deteriorating mental state and the conflict between Joan and Marshall regarding his well-being.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh approach to exploring mental health issues and personal relationships within the context of societal tensions. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters of Bobby Fischer, Joan, and Marshall are well-developed, with Bobby's mental health struggles, Joan's concern, and Marshall's conflicting motivations adding layers to the scene.

Character Changes: 7

Bobby Fischer's character undergoes a significant change as his mental health deteriorates, setting the stage for further development in the story.

Internal Goal: 8

Joan's internal goal is to understand and help her husband, Bobby, who is displaying signs of delusional psychosis. This reflects her deeper need to care for her loved one and ensure his well-being.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to confront Marshall about Bobby's condition and seek help for him. This reflects the immediate challenge of dealing with Bobby's deteriorating mental state.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict between Joan's concern for Bobby and Marshall's attempts to downplay the situation creates a compelling dynamic that drives the scene forward.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting beliefs and emotions creating a sense of uncertainty and tension.

High Stakes: 8

The high stakes are evident in Bobby Fischer's declining mental health and the potential consequences for his career and personal life.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by revealing crucial information about Bobby Fischer's mental state and setting up potential conflicts and resolutions.

Unpredictability: 7

The scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected revelations about Bobby's mental state and the characters' conflicting emotions.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around Bobby's delusions about Jews and Communists, which challenges Joan's identity and values as a Jewish person.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes a strong emotional response from the audience, particularly in relation to Bobby Fischer's deteriorating mental state and Joan's distress.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue effectively conveys the tension and emotional weight of the situation, especially in Joan and Marshall's conflicting perspectives on Bobby's condition.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to the high emotional stakes, intense character interactions, and the mystery surrounding Bobby's condition.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged in the characters' emotional journey.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear character cues and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a traditional dialogue-driven structure, effectively conveying the emotional conflict between the characters.


Critique
  • The scene starts with a lot of exposition, with Marshall giving a lot of information about his travels and his relationship with Joan. This info-dump could be streamlined to make the scene more dynamic.
  • The dialogue between Marshall and Joan is a bit stiff and unnatural. It doesn't feel like a real conversation between two people who know each other well.
  • The scene doesn't really have a clear goal or conflict. It's mostly just Marshall trying to reassure Joan about Bobby, but it doesn't really go anywhere.
  • The scene ends abruptly, with Marshall promising to take care of Bobby but not really giving any details about how he's going to do that.
Suggestions
  • Start the scene with a more dynamic moment, such as Joan confronting Marshall about Bobby's behavior.
  • Make the dialogue more natural and conversational.
  • Give the scene a clear goal or conflict, such as Joan trying to convince Marshall to help Bobby get treatment.
  • End the scene with a stronger resolution, such as Marshall agreeing to help Bobby or Joan deciding to take action herself.



Scene 24 -  Paranoid Chess Prodigy Surrounded by Reporters
93 EXT. VANCOUVER TOURNAMENT HALL - DOC-STYLE 93

Madness.

Reporters and photographers converge on Bobby,

Caption: Vancouver Interzonal, May 1971.

RADIO ANNOUNCER (V.O.)
Today in Buenos Aires, American chess
star -- Bobby Fischer -- beat Russian
grandmaster Tigran Petrosian in the
semi-final of the World Chess
Championships...

Marshall and Lombardy try to shield him as they hurry down
the steps of the hall. Bobby is wired as hell.

VANCOUVER REPORTER
Bobby, with this win you're guaranteed
a shot at the title. How's it feel?

BOBBY
Pretty good, pretty good.

VANCOUVER REPORTER
The Russians are saying you don't
have a chance against Spassky. Any
comment on that?
Yellow Revision 10-11-13 66A.

BOBBY
Okay, okay, I'm making this up as I
say it, right, so it might not come
out so good...

Cameras roll and flashlights POP...

VANCOUVER REPORTER 2
Hey Bobby, big angry look over here...

Lombardy gently urges Bobby forward. Marshall holds back.
Green Revision 10-14-13 67.

BOBBY *
I just crushed Petrosian six-and-a- *
half to two-and-a-half. They know *
what I'm going to do to Spassky. *

VANCOUVER REPORTER *
Bobby, a crazy look over here.... *

Lombardy pushes Bobby toward a waiting limo.

BOBBY
They're scared now. That's why they
bugged the phone in my hotel room.

Murmurs among the press. Lombardy shakes his head.

BOBBY (CONT'D)
They point things at my window from *
across the street. I wouldn't be *
surprised if they were bugging me
right now. Sometimes I hear stuff *
buzzing in my clothes. I've even
heard they can listen through the
fillings in your teeth.

Lombardy pushes Bobby into the car. A reporter follows.

VANCOUVER REPORTER 2
Petrosian said he wasn't well. That's
the second Russian who got sick...

BOBBY
Sick of me sure as hell.

Laughter. Bobby grins. His mood swings are growing stronger;
suddenly he's having the time of his life. Flashbulbs POP.
Genres: ["Drama","Biography","Sports"]

Summary Bobby, a paranoid and eccentric chess player, has just won a match against Tigran Petrosian and is surrounded by reporters asking for comments. He will be playing against Spassky next and accuses the Russians of bugging his hotel room phone and his clothes. Despite his paranoia, Bobby finds this amusing and laughs it off. Bobby is wired and energetic, and Lombardy helps push him towards a waiting limo as he gets ready to leave the Vancouver Tournament Hall during the Interzonal tournament in May 1971. The scene is lighthearted and humorous, despite Bobby's eccentric behavior.
Strengths
  • Complex characters
  • High emotional impact
  • Sharp dialogue
  • Intense conflict
  • Compelling plot progression
Weaknesses
  • Some repetitive elements in Fischer's paranoia
  • Limited exploration of supporting characters

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is highly engaging, with a mix of intense emotions, paranoia, and humor that keeps the audience captivated. Bobby Fischer's character is well-developed, and the conflict and stakes are high, making it a compelling watch.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of a chess prodigy facing off against Russian players, dealing with paranoia and pressure, is executed well. The scene effectively portrays Fischer's inner turmoil and external challenges, setting up a strong foundation for character development.

Plot: 9

The plot is well-structured, with clear progression as Fischer navigates through his victories, encounters with the press, and interactions with his team. The tension builds effectively, leading to a climactic moment with high emotional impact.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh perspective on the psychological challenges faced by a competitive genius like Bobby Fischer. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters, especially Bobby Fischer, are complex and multi-dimensional. Fischer's paranoia, confidence, and humor shine through, creating a compelling and relatable protagonist. Supporting characters like Marshall and Lombardy add depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 8

Fischer undergoes a significant emotional journey in the scene, from intense paranoia and pressure to moments of triumph and humor. His character arc is well-developed, showcasing his resilience and complexity as a protagonist.

Internal Goal: 8

Bobby's internal goal in this scene is to maintain his confidence and composure in the face of increasing pressure and scrutiny from the media and his own paranoia. It reflects his need for validation, recognition, and control in a high-stakes environment.

External Goal: 7

Bobby's external goal is to navigate the media attention and public perception surrounding his upcoming match against Spassky. He wants to project confidence and intimidate his opponents.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is high, with Fischer facing off against Russian players, dealing with paranoia and pressure from the press and his team. The tension between Fischer's inner turmoil and external challenges creates a compelling narrative that drives the scene forward.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene comes from Bobby's own paranoia, the media scrutiny, and the pressure of public expectations. These obstacles create a sense of conflict and challenge for Bobby, adding depth to the scene.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes in the scene are high, with Fischer facing off against Russian players, dealing with paranoia and pressure from the press and his team. The outcome of the chess match and Fischer's mental state have significant consequences for his career and personal life.

Story Forward: 9

The scene effectively moves the story forward, setting up key conflicts, character dynamics, and plot developments. Fischer's interactions with the press, his team, and the Russian players drive the narrative towards a climactic moment with high stakes and emotional impact.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of Bobby's erratic behavior, shifting moods, and the underlying tension between his paranoia and the reality of his situation. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of what will happen next.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the themes of paranoia, control, and the pressure of expectations. Bobby's belief in conspiracy theories and his need to assert his dominance challenge the more rational perspectives of those around him.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, with Fischer's intense emotions, paranoia, and triumph resonating with the audience. The mix of excitement, concern, and humor adds depth to the character and the overall tone of the scene, creating a memorable experience.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is sharp and impactful, reflecting the characters' emotions and motivations effectively. Fischer's witty responses to the press and his team members add depth to his character, while the interactions between characters reveal their relationships and dynamics.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense dialogue, dynamic character interactions, and the sense of suspense and unpredictability. The audience is drawn into Bobby's world and his psychological struggles.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a good balance of tension, dialogue, and character movement. It maintains a sense of urgency and momentum, keeping the audience invested in Bobby's story.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene descriptions, character actions, and dialogue. The formatting enhances the readability and impact of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a coherent structure that effectively builds tension and develops character dynamics. It maintains a good pace and rhythm, keeping the audience engaged.


Critique
  • The scene is very short and does not provide much context or development for Bobby Fischer's character.
  • The dialogue is very abrupt and does not flow well.
  • The scene does not have a clear beginning, middle, or end, and it is difficult to follow what is happening.
  • The scene does not provide any insights into Bobby Fischer's psychology or motivations.
  • The scene does not advance the plot or add to the overall story.
Suggestions
  • Expand the scene to provide more context and development for Bobby Fischer's character.
  • Rewrite the dialogue to make it more natural and flowing.
  • Add a clear beginning, middle, and end to the scene.
  • Provide insights into Bobby Fischer's psychology and motivations.
  • Advance the plot or add to the overall story.



Scene 25 -  Bobby's Victory Turns Sour: The Rift with Marshall
94 INT. LIMO (TRAVELING) - SAME 94

Bobby is grinning. Marshall puts an arm around him.

MARSHALL
Bobby, Bobby, Bobby..!

LOMBARDY
Congratulations, kiddo.

MARSHALL
Wide World of Sports is offering a *
segment, Cavett wants you, and -- *
are you ready...? Mike Wallace called.
Mike Wallace. "60 Minutes," Bobby!
Yellow Revision 10-11-13 67A.

BOBBY
Yeah, well, about time... I don't
want to be distracted by a bunch of
press, though. I'll do the big ones.

MARSHALL
Great, great... Only-- when we do
these shows... just go easy on
the...bugging... and the teeth.

BOBBY
Whaddya mean? I'm telling the truth.
People love that.

MARSHALL
I know, I know. You just need to be
careful. Some things you say, they
can be misinterpreted. People get
worried when you talk like that...

BOBBY
People? What people?

MARSHALL
It doesn't matter... Which of these
interviews do you want to do?

BOBBY
No... You said people are worried.
What people?

MARSHALL
Nobody. I think Cavett would be a
great idea--

BOBBY
-- WHAT PEOPLE?
Green Revision 10-14-13 68.

MARSHALL
........Joan.

BOBBY
You talked to Joan? When? Did you
talk to her on the phone? Did she
call you?

MARSHALL
.....I was in New York. We had a
cup of coffee.

BOBBY
You MET with my sister without telling
me?! You TALKED about me with my
sister?!

MARSHALL
She called me--

BOBBY
You think I'm a child who needs to
be TALKED ABOUT?!

MARSHALL
I was looking out for your best
interests--

BOBBY
Don't lawyer me!

MARSHALL
I'm trying to help you!

BOBBY
DON'T LAWYER ME! You're having
conversations BEHIND MY BACK! With
my FAMILY?! Did I ask you to do
that? Why wouldn't you tell me about
that? Who's working for who here? *
There are a hundred more of you, you *
know, just waiting in line.
Yellow Revision 10-11-13 69.

BOBBY (CONT'D)
Stop the car!

MARSHALL
Bobby, we're about to get everything
you've ever wanted....

BOBBY
STOP THE CAR--!

The car stops. Bobby jumps out. Lombardy turns to Marshall.

LOMBARDY
I'll walk him back.
Genres: ["Drama","Biography"]

Summary Bobby, Marshall, and Lombardy celebrate Bobby's victory in a limo, but the mood turns sour when Marshall reveals he spoke with Bobby's sister Joan. Bobby becomes increasingly agitated, leading to a conflict with Marshall. Bobby demands to be let out of the car, ending the scene on a confrontational note.
Strengths
  • Intense character dynamics
  • Emotional depth
  • Sharp dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Potential for audience confusion due to complex relationships and backstory

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene is intense, emotionally charged, and reveals important character dynamics and conflicts.


Story Content

Concept: 7

The concept of exploring Bobby Fischer's inner turmoil, relationship with his manager, and family concerns is compelling and adds depth to the story.

Plot: 8

The plot advances as Bobby's paranoia and confrontations with his manager escalate, setting the stage for future conflicts and character development.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh perspective on the challenges of fame and media scrutiny, with authentic character interactions and emotional depth. The dialogue feels genuine and captures the complexities of the characters' motivations.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters, especially Bobby Fischer and Marshall, are well-developed and their interactions reveal layers of complexity and emotion.

Character Changes: 8

Bobby's character undergoes a significant change as his paranoia and distrust intensify, leading to a confrontation with Marshall and revealing his vulnerable side.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to maintain his authenticity and integrity in the face of increasing media attention and pressure to conform. This reflects his deeper need for self-expression and honesty.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to navigate the media opportunities presented to him and make strategic decisions about which interviews to accept. This reflects the immediate challenge of managing his public image and career.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between Bobby and Marshall, fueled by Bobby's paranoia and distrust, reaches a boiling point, adding tension and drama to the scene.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting goals and emotions driving the conflict between the characters. The audience is left unsure of how the situation will resolve.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are high as Bobby's mental state, relationships, and career prospects are on the line, adding tension and urgency to the scene.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by deepening the conflict between Bobby and Marshall, setting the stage for future developments and character arcs.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected emotional outbursts and revelations from the characters, keeping the audience on edge.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between the protagonist's desire for honesty and authenticity versus the pressure to conform and please the media. This challenges his beliefs about the importance of staying true to himself in a world that values sensationalism and image.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions, especially anger, defensiveness, and concern, making it impactful and engaging for the audience.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is sharp, intense, and reveals the underlying tensions and conflicts between Bobby and Marshall.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its emotional intensity, sharp dialogue, and high stakes. The conflict between the characters keeps the audience invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and revealing character dynamics, with a balance of dialogue and action to keep the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows standard formatting conventions for dialogue-heavy scenes in a screenplay, making it easy to read and understand.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a traditional structure for character-driven drama, with clear character goals and conflicts driving the narrative forward.


Critique
  • The dialogue is a bit stilted and unnatural. It doesn't feel like real people talking to each other.
  • The scene is too short. It doesn't give the audience enough time to get to know the characters or to understand their motivations.
  • The scene doesn't have a clear goal. It's not clear what the characters are trying to achieve.
  • The scene is too focused on exposition. The characters are constantly talking about things that have happened in the past or that will happen in the future.
  • The scene doesn't have enough conflict. The characters are all on the same side and they don't have any disagreements.
Suggestions
  • Rewrite the dialogue to make it more natural and believable.
  • Add more detail to the characters' descriptions so that the audience can get to know them better.
  • Give the scene a clear goal so that the audience knows what the characters are trying to achieve.
  • Cut down on the exposition and focus on the present moment.
  • Introduce some conflict into the scene so that the characters have something to disagree about.



Scene 26 -  Bobby Fischer's Erratic Behavior and Marshall's Concerns
95 EXT. VANCOUVER STREET - MOMENTS LATER 95

Lombardy catches up to Bobby and they walk in silence for a
moment. Then:

LOMBARDY
B6 to E1.

After a moment...Bobby responds.

BOBBY
K4 to Qp4.

LOMBARDY
P4 to P5.

They walk on. For the moment Bobby is back on track.

96 INT. VANCOUVER HOTEL RESTAURANT - LATER THAT NIGHT 96

Marshall is eating alone.

MARSHALL
So?

LOMBARDY
He's back in his room.

He sits down opposite Marshall.

MARSHALL
Is he okay?
Yellow Revision 10-11-13 70.

LOMBARDY
He's in there listening to those
tapes of his.

MARSHALL
Isn't it some kind of God Squad?

LOMBARDY
Those people have as much to do with
God as you do.

MARSHALL
I'd've thought you'd approve...

He leans across the table.

MARSHALL (CONT'D)
Should we get him to see a someone,
a psychiatrist.

LOMBARDY
Never happen.

MARSHALL
We have to try.
(looks at him)
The concierge told me he asked for
the TV to be removed from his room
because he thinks the Russians are
watching him through the screen.

LOMBARDY
Maybe they are.

MARSHALL
He also believes they are going to
try to blow up his plane.

LOMBARDY
He just needs some sleep. What good
would a doctor do?

MARSHALL
He could give a diagnosis... He could
give him a pill.

The two men stare at each other.

LOMBARDY
And that would be like pouring
concrete down a holy well.
Yellow Revision 10-11-13 70A.

97 EXT. OPEN PRAIRIE, RUSSIA - DAY 97

Boris Spassky rides a stallion bare-chested. He is a man at
ease. Reaching the crest he pulls up. Below a Lada waits.
The sight of the car breaks the spell.

Boris trots over to where Livo Nei leans on the car, smoking
a cigarette. Nei's presence means there is news...
Green Revision 10-14-13 71.

98 INT. JFK ARRIVALS - DAY - DOC-STYLE 98

The press pack awaits the flight from Buenos Aires. Lombardy
emerges from arrivals, followed by Marshall.

RADIO ANCHOR (V.O.)
Bobby Fischer -- the first American *
in history to reach the final -- *
arrived in Reykjavik today.... *

Bobby emerges...with a brown paper bag over his head with
eyes cut for holes. Cameras POP...the real madness has begun.

99 INT. BOBBY'S BROWN BAG 99

WE ARE INSIDE the paper bag. Frantic breathing, the bag
sucking in and out. The press is SCREAMING, "You've never
beaten Spassky. Why do you think you can you beat him now?"

RADIO ANCHOR (V.O.)
After months of negotiation, Fischer
will now face the current World
Champion Boris Spassky. *

100 INT. JOAN'S SUBURBAN HOME, LIVING ROOM, NEW YORK 100

Joan is getting her kids ready for school. The radio is on.

RADIO ANCHOR (V.O.)
The Fischer Spassky final will be
televised world wide--

Joan's son comes running up the path.

RADIO ANCHOR (V.O.) (CONT'D)
--and is already being billed as the
deciding battle in the war of ideas
between East and West.

Joan's son bursts through the door, breathless...

JOAN'S DAUGHTER
Mama, there are men on the lawn.

Joan looks out and sees the press pack gathering on her lawn.
Yellow Revision 10-11-13 72.

DICK CAVETT (VO)
Ladies and Gentlemen, my next guest
was US Chess Champion at fourteen
and a Grandmaster at fifteen--

101 OMIT 101
Genres: ["Drama","Biography"]

Summary In this scene, Lombardy and Bobby walk together and discuss chess moves, while Marshall waits for Lombardy and expresses concerns about Bobby's mental state, suggesting getting him a psychiatrist. Meanwhile, Boris Spassky rides a horse in Russia and meets Livo Nei. Bobby arrives at JFK with a paper bag over his head, causing a spectacle as the press pack awaits his arrival. Joan sees the press pack on her lawn, unaware of her son's bizarre behavior.
Strengths
  • Intense character development
  • Effective dialogue
  • Building tension and suspense
Weaknesses
  • Some repetitive dialogue
  • Limited external action

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively builds tension and sets up the conflict between Bobby Fischer's deteriorating mental state and the upcoming chess match, keeping the audience engaged.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring Bobby Fischer's mental health issues and the impact on his performance in the chess tournament is compelling and adds layers to the character.

Plot: 7

The plot focuses on Bobby Fischer's paranoia and the challenges he faces leading up to the match, setting the stage for the climax between him and Boris Spassky.

Originality: 9

The scene demonstrates originality through its exploration of mental health themes, the portrayal of paranoia and delusion, and the nuanced dialogue that reveals character motivations and conflicts.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters, especially Bobby Fischer and Father Lombardy, are well-developed and their interactions reveal insights into their personalities and motivations.

Character Changes: 7

Bobby Fischer undergoes a significant change in his mental state and behavior, showcasing the impact of his paranoia on his character.

Internal Goal: 8

Bobby's internal goal in this scene is to maintain his sense of reality and sanity amidst growing paranoia and delusions. This reflects his deeper need for stability and control in a chaotic situation.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to navigate the challenges presented by his paranoia and the concerns of those around him. This reflects the immediate circumstances and obstacles he is facing.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The internal conflict within Bobby Fischer and the external pressures he faces create a high level of conflict, driving the scene forward.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting beliefs and goals between characters, creating uncertainty and tension.

High Stakes: 9

The high stakes of the upcoming chess match and Bobby Fischer's mental state raise the tension and importance of the scene, adding urgency and suspense.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by setting up the crucial chess match between Bobby Fischer and Boris Spassky, escalating the tension and anticipation.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the protagonist's erratic behavior, the conflicting beliefs of the characters, and the uncertain outcome of the situation.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the clash between belief in reality and delusion, as well as the role of medical intervention in mental health. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs about his own perceptions and the effectiveness of traditional treatment methods.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a sense of empathy for Bobby Fischer's struggles and builds emotional tension as he grapples with his paranoia and fears.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue effectively conveys the tension and conflict within the scene, showcasing the characters' emotions and inner turmoil.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the tension between characters, the psychological depth of the protagonist, and the uncertainty surrounding his beliefs and actions.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension, allowing for character development, and maintaining audience interest.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with proper scene headings, dialogue formatting, and action descriptions.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear transitions between locations and a focus on character interactions and dialogue.


Critique
  • The scene lacks a clear purpose and direction. It is unclear what the characters are trying to achieve or what the conflict is.
  • The dialogue is stilted and unnatural. The characters speak in a way that is not believable.
  • The scene is too long and meandering. It could be shortened and tightened to make it more impactful.
  • The characters are not well-developed. The audience does not learn enough about them to care about their journey.
  • The scene is not visually interesting. It takes place in a single location and there is little action.
Suggestions
  • Give the scene a clear purpose and direction. What do the characters want to achieve? What is the conflict?
  • Rewrite the dialogue to make it more natural and believable.
  • Shorten and tighten the scene to make it more impactful.
  • Develop the characters more. Give the audience more information about their backgrounds, motivations, and relationships.
  • Add visual interest to the scene. Change the location or add some action.



Scene 27 -  Bobby Fischer's Demands and Lombardy's Concern on The Dick Cavett Show
102 INT. TV STUDIO - MOMENTS LATER 102

DICK CAVETT
--And now he's hoping to become Chess
Champion of the whole world, Ladies
and Gentlemen, Mr Bobby Fischer...

Bobby is sprawled in a chair, looking by turns shy and cocky.

CAVETT
So where does a chess player live?

BOBBY
I don't live anywhere. Hotels mostly.

CAVETT
In the past, you've made some pretty
strong charges against the Soviets,
accusing them of, of...

BOBBY
Cheating.

Bobby grins. Laughter. Cavett glances at his audience..

CAVETT
Cheating is the word I was looking
for...

More laughter. Bobby is encouraged to go farther.

BOBBY
Cheating. Yeah, they've done a bit
of that in the past.

CAVETT
An opponent once said you are like
Achilles without the Achilles heel.
Do you have a weakness?

Silence. Bobby looks puzzled.

BOBBY
...A weakness?...... No.

He laughs easily. His lack of guile can be disarming.
Green Revision 10-14-13 73.

CAVETT
What's the best moment when you win
at chess, what's the home run moment?

BOBBY
(his smile fading)
When you break his ego. That's where
it's at--

Cavett reacts with mock alarm.

BOBBY (CONT'D)
--When he sees it coming and he breaks
up inside. When you're, like,
crushing the guy...
(stares into the lights)
Crushing the guy.
(his eyes wild)
Yeah, that's where it's at.

The easy grin is gone. His smile appears haunted.

103 INT. BIG HOTEL SUITE 103

Chaos. Marshall is checking travel documents. A couple of
SECURITY GUYS wait by the door.

MARSHALL
Flight to Reykjavik's at nine. We
need to get to JFK by 7.

The noise is compounded by MUSIC Bobby listens to on a
portable cassette player. He is shirtless, doing push-ups.

LOMBARDY
Does that have to be so loud?

MARSHALL
He doesn't want the Russians to hear
which plane we're catching.

BOBBY
(yells over the music)
THIS GROUP IS INCREDIBLE! They get
thirty percent of ticket sales at
their concerts. I should get that.

MARSHALL
(yelling back)
We agreed to twenty-five... *
Green Revision 10-14-13 74.

BOBBY
(more push-ups)
Yeah, well it's thirty now.

MARSHALL
Bobby. You agreed. You signed.

BOBBY
Yeah, well, I changed my mind. Thirty
or I don't go.

The room falls silent. The other have 'told you so' faces.

MARSHALL
If I ask for thirty, they'll say
you're scared to face him.

BOBBY
Don't try that psychology crap on
me. Without me no one outside Russia
would know this thing is happening.
I am the light shining on this game.
(standing up)
All of you are here because of me...
I am a hundred per cent of the reason--
no, that's wrong -- Spassky is the
reigning champion -- I want thirty
percent for him too.
(pacing; manic)
But understand one thing: I don't
just play for myself. I play for
Chess. *

He stares, triumphant, at Marshall -- who nods, conciliatory.

MARSHALL
I'll call them from the airport.
(to the others)
Okay, people, we need to get packed.

Lombardy takes Marshall's arm, leads him into the next room.

LOMBARDY
He told me he doesn't want to go to
Iceland.

MARSHALL
He wants to go.

LOMBARDY
He doesn't know what he wants...
Green Revision 10-14-13 75.

MARSHALL
But you do.

Lombardy just stares at him, fuming.

MARSHALL (CONT'D)
Look, my job was to get him this
match. How about you do your job...

LOMBARDY
What's that supposed to mean?

MARSHALL
Get him ready. Help him win.

LOMBARDY
What have I been doing for three
years?

MARSHALL
Babying him. Catering to his bullshit--

LOMBARDY
Keeping him from cracking up is more
like it. This may be hard for you
to comprehend, but he's a person,
not a meal ticket or a political
symbol or an instrument of US foreign
policy.

MARSHALL
I am so sick and tired of your
sanctimonious bullshit... If you
don't have the stomach for this I
suggest you go find a church, get
down on your knees and thank God you
don't live in Russia.

LOMBARDY
What if something happens?

MARSHALL
Like what?

Lombardy glances through the open door at Bobby, who has
turned off the music and inserted a home-made tape of The
Worldwide Church of God. Lombardy doesn't want to give voice
to his worst fears.

LOMBARDY
...I don't know.

Marshall shakes his head and turns back to getting ready. *
Green Revision 10-14-13 76.*

Lombardy heads into Bobby's room. The Worldwide Church of *
God comes from the tape player.

CULT PREACHER (V.O.)
--and when you see how the tide of
history is changing, friend, you see
how desperate they are.

LOMBARDY
Can you turn that off for a second?

BOBBY *
What's up...?

LOMBARDY *
Bobby. If you don't want to go, *
then you shouldn't go. *

A long moment as Bobby stares at him. *

BOBBY *
I thought you wanted me to win. *

LOMBARDY *
I do. Too much, maybe. But I think... *
all the pressure... is... bad for *
you.

BOBBY *
I'm cool. *

Lombardy has to say it, whatever the consequences. *

LOMBARDY
...You need help. *

BOBBY
What kind of help...? Oh. You mean *
psychology. You think I need
psychological help?! You know who
invented that, right? The Jews. I
don't need anybody's help. I don't
need the Jews' help, I don't need *
God's help. And I definitely don't *
need your help, Father. *
(looks at him) *
When I call you, 'Father,' I think,
like, he's not my dad. Is that what *
you think? That you're my Dad?

LOMBARDY *
I don't think I'm your dad, Bobby. *
Green Revision 10-14-13 76A.

BOBBY *
You're not my dad because I don't *
have one. You know what you are? *
You're a loser. You couldn't beat *
Spassky so why should I? You quit *
so you want me to quit. Is that it, *
Dad? You'll feel better if I turn
out to be a loser... LIKE YOU! *

Lombardy stares at him, then starts out. Bobby is immediately *
contrite. *

BOBBY (CONT'D)
(calling after him)
Hey, I've been working on a new
variation on the Indian Defense,
wanna take a look?

LOMBARDY
Later.

In the hotel room, Marshall has overheard the tirade.

MARSHALL
Love how you handle him.

Lombardy picks up his bag.

MARSHALL (CONT'D)
We're not leaving for half an hour.

LOMBARDY
(fighting back emotion)
...I'll...take a later flight.

He leaves. Bobby appears in the doorway.
Yellow Revision 10-11-13 77.

BOBBY
Where's he going?

MARSHALL
Jesus has left the building, pal.
We're on our own.
Genres: ["Drama","Biography"]

Summary In this tense scene, Bobby Fischer accuses the Soviets of cheating during his interview on The Dick Cavett Show. Off-camera, Fischer's demand for 30% of ticket sales creates conflict with his team, particularly with manager Marshall. William Lombardy, concerned about Fischer's mental health, confronts him, leading to a heated argument that remains unresolved. Lombardy leaves the hotel suite, and Fischer appears in the doorway, asking Lombardy to look at his new chess variation. The conflicts expose the mounting pressure before the World Chess Championship in Iceland.
Strengths
  • Intense character dynamics
  • Emotionally charged dialogue
  • Deep exploration of internal struggles
Weaknesses
  • Some repetitive dialogue
  • Lack of resolution in certain character conflicts

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene is intense, emotionally charged, and provides a deep insight into Bobby Fischer's character and mindset. The dialogue is impactful and reveals the inner turmoil of the characters.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the scene revolves around Bobby Fischer's internal struggles, his defiance against authority figures, and the high stakes involved in his chess career.

Plot: 7

The plot focuses on Bobby Fischer's preparation for a crucial chess match, his conflicts with his mentor and manager, and his internal battle with paranoia and pressure.

Originality: 9

The scene demonstrates a high level of originality through its fresh approach to the competitive chess world, the nuanced portrayal of personal ambition and loyalty, and the authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue. The scene's authenticity and emotional depth set it apart from typical sports drama narratives.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters, especially Bobby Fischer, Lombardy, and Marshall, are well-developed and their interactions drive the emotional depth of the scene.

Character Changes: 8

Bobby Fischer undergoes a significant emotional transformation in the scene, showcasing his defiance, vulnerability, and inner turmoil.

Internal Goal: 8

Bobby's internal goal in this scene is to assert his dominance and control over the situation, showcasing his confidence and determination to win the chess championship. This reflects his deeper need for validation, recognition, and success in his chosen field.

External Goal: 7

Bobby's external goal is to negotiate the terms of his participation in the chess championship, including the percentage of ticket sales and his travel arrangements. This reflects the immediate circumstances and challenges he's facing in preparing for the match.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between Bobby Fischer and his mentor, as well as the internal conflict within Bobby himself, adds tension and drama to the scene.

Opposition: 9

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting goals, power struggles, and ethical dilemmas driving the character interactions. The audience is left uncertain about the outcome, creating suspense and tension.

High Stakes: 9

The high stakes of Bobby Fischer's chess career, his personal struggles, and the pressure to perform at the highest level are palpable in the scene.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by highlighting Bobby Fischer's mental state, his conflicts with those around him, and setting up the stakes for the upcoming chess match.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists, emotional outbursts, and shifting power dynamics between the characters. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of how the conflicts will be resolved and what choices the characters will make.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the tension between personal ambition and loyalty to others. Bobby's desire for success clashes with his coach's concerns for his well-being and mental health, highlighting the ethical dilemmas faced in pursuit of greatness.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions from the audience, particularly empathy for Bobby Fischer's internal struggles and the strained relationships with his mentor and manager.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is intense, confrontational, and reveals the inner thoughts and emotions of the characters effectively.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense character interactions, emotional depth, and high stakes. The conflicts, tensions, and ethical dilemmas faced by the characters draw the audience in and create a sense of suspense and anticipation.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension, suspense, and emotional depth. The rhythm of the dialogue, character interactions, and scene transitions create a sense of urgency and anticipation, keeping the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting. The visual descriptions and character actions are well-defined, enhancing the reader's understanding of the setting and character dynamics.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm of the scene contribute to its effectiveness in building tension and emotional depth.


Critique
  • The scene is well-written and engaging, but it could be improved by adding more depth to the characters. For example, Bobby Fischer is portrayed as a complex and enigmatic figure, but his motivations and inner thoughts are not fully explored.
  • The dialogue is sharp and witty, but it could be more varied. For example, the characters often speak in short, declarative sentences, which can make the dialogue feel choppy.
Suggestions
  • Add more depth to the characters. For example, explore Bobby Fischer's motivations and inner thoughts.
  • Vary the dialogue. For example, use a mix of short and long sentences, and use more figurative language.



Scene 28 -  High-Stakes Escape and Press Conference Tension: The World Chess Championship, 1972
104 EXT. MILITARY AIRFIELD - GATE - MOSCOW 104

A Zil limo with a Soviet flag enters a military compound.
They're escorted by police cars with flashing lights.

In the back seat sits Boris, Geller at his side. A KGB guy
sits at his other shoulder. Boris looks like a prisoner.

105 EXT. JFK AIRPORT - CURBSIDE 105

A limo pulls to the curb. Marshall and the security guys
jump out. Then Bobby appears. He looks like a hunted animal.

106 INT. MOSCOW MILITARY AIRBASE 106

Boris is marched through the airbase. One KGB guy carries
his coat. Another carries his suitcase.

107 INT. JFK TERMINAL - UPSTAIRS HALL 107

Marshall, Lombardy and the security guys hustle Bobby through.

108 EXT. MOSCOW MILITARY AIRBASE 108

Boris boards an Aeroflot jet. Russian soldiers salute. Geller
salutes back but Boris just stares.

109 INT. JFK AIRPORT 109

Bobby and the others ride up an escalator.

110 AT THE TOP OF ESCALATOR 110

Suddenly JOURNALISTS spot Bobby...

JFK JOURNALIST
There he is!

Bobby shoves Marshall aside, turns, and runs back down the
up escalator.

111 EXT. JFK AIRPORT 111

Bobby leaps into a taxi.

BOBBY
Drive, drive!!
Yellow Revision 10-11-13 78.

Bobby sinks down out of sight as the cab pulls away. We
HOLD on his face, eyes darting, as we HEAR:

JOHANNESON (V.O.)
Ladies and Gentlemen, It is with
great pleasure that I welcome the
world to our little island--

A112 EXT. REYKJAVIK (TO ESTABLISH) A112

112 INT. NATIONAL THEATER, REYKJAVIK, ICELAND 112

Caption: National Theater, Reykjavik, Iceland, July 1st 1972.

JÓHANNESSON
--for the most important sporting
event in history. Joining us today
are the distinguished Ambassador of
the Soviet Socialist Republic TBD,
and Ambassador Tremblay of the United
States of America.

A jostling crowd, news crews from around the world. The
crowd applauds the Icelandic Prime Minister, JOHANNESON. He
nods to US AMBASSADOR TREMBLAY and his Russian counterpart.

JÓHANNESSON (CONT'D)
Also the great match adjudicator
from the World Chess Federation,
Lothar Schmid...

SCHMID
Thank you, Prime Minister. I am
honored, but confused. I was always
led to believe that chess needed two
people for a game. Unfortunately,
so far, we only have one.

Boris Spassky is sitting with Livo, Nei and Geller.

SCHMID (CONT'D)
Happily, our Russian friends have
managed to get here on time. We are
indeed honored to have with us the
World Champion, comrade Boris Spassky.

Applause as Spassky smiles shyly and waves.

SCHMID (CONT'D)
However... it seems our American
friends have managed to lose their
famous Mr Bobby Fischer...

He turns to US Ambassador Tremblay. The crowd boos.
Yellow Revision 10-11-13 79.

SCHMID (CONT'D)
One hopes they are not so careless
with their nuclear weapons.

The crowd laughs. The Soviet Ambassador smiles at Tremblay,
who whispers to an aide.

TREMBLAY
Son of a bitch. Where is he?

AIDE
Mr. Ambassador, we have a problem.

113 OMIT 113
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary On July 1st, 1972, at a military airfield in Moscow, Boris, a prominent figure, is escorted by KGB agents onto an Aeroflot jet. Simultaneously, Bobby evades his security team at JFK airport and takes a taxi, hiding in it as it drives away. Meanwhile, in Reykjavik, Iceland, a press conference is held for the World Chess Championship, where Bobby's absence creates tension and unease. The scene's tone is tense and anxious, with key dialogue including Marshall's 'Jesus has left the building, pal. We're on our own.' and Schmid's 'One hopes they are not so careless with their nuclear weapons.'
Strengths
  • Intense atmosphere
  • Strong character development
  • Engaging plot progression
Weaknesses
  • Some scenes may feel rushed
  • Limited exploration of secondary characters

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience on edge with the characters' heightened emotions and the uncertain outcomes of their actions.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of paranoia, power struggles, and escape is well-executed, creating a gripping narrative that drives the plot forward.

Plot: 8

The plot is engaging and propels the story towards a climactic moment, setting up the stage for the chess match between Bobby Fischer and Boris Spassky.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh and intense situation involving a protagonist on the run, with elements of political intrigue and high-stakes escape. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 7

The characters of Bobby Fischer and Boris Spassky are well-developed, showcasing their vulnerabilities, fears, and determination in the face of adversity.

Character Changes: 7

Both Bobby Fischer and Boris Spassky undergo significant emotional changes, from paranoia to determination, as they navigate through the high-stakes situations.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to evade capture and escape the intense scrutiny and pressure he is under. This reflects his fear of being hunted and his desire for freedom and autonomy.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to avoid being caught by the journalists and security personnel at the airport. This goal reflects the immediate challenge he faces in maintaining his anonymity and evading capture.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between Bobby Fischer, Boris Spassky, and the KGB escalates, heightening the tension and driving the narrative towards a climactic confrontation.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist facing multiple obstacles and challenges in his escape attempt. The audience is kept on edge by the uncertainty of whether he will succeed or be caught.

High Stakes: 9

The high stakes of the scene, including the threat of the KGB, the pressure of the upcoming chess match, and the characters' personal struggles, heighten the tension and suspense.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by setting up the crucial chess match between Bobby Fischer and Boris Spassky, while also deepening the characters' arcs and conflicts.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected actions of the protagonist, the high level of tension and danger, and the uncertain outcome of his escape attempt. The audience is kept on edge and unsure of what will happen next.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the clash between individual freedom and state control. The protagonist's actions of running away and seeking escape challenge the authority and surveillance of the state, highlighting the tension between personal autonomy and government oversight.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes strong emotions of anxiety, fear, and suspense, drawing the audience into the characters' intense experiences.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue effectively conveys the characters' emotions and motivations, adding depth to their interactions and inner turmoil.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its fast-paced action, high stakes, and suspenseful atmosphere. The audience is drawn into the protagonist's desperate escape attempt and feels the tension of the situation.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is expertly crafted to build tension and suspense, with a gradual increase in urgency and danger as the protagonist attempts to escape. The rhythm of the scene enhances its effectiveness in conveying the protagonist's desperate situation.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear and concise descriptions of the characters' actions and surroundings. The formatting enhances the readability and impact of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a structured format that effectively builds tension and suspense, leading to a climactic moment of escape. The pacing and rhythm of the scene contribute to its effectiveness in conveying the urgency of the protagonist's situation.


Critique
  • The scene lacks a clear goal or purpose. It is unclear what the characters are trying to achieve or what the conflict is.
  • The dialogue is stilted and unnatural.
  • The scene is too long and could be shortened without losing any important information. The writer could consider cutting the scene up into smaller pieces.
Suggestions
  • Add a clear goal or purpose to the scene.
  • Rephrase the dialogue to make it more natural.
  • Shorten the scene to make it more concise.



Scene 29 -  Bobby Fischer's Fear and the Call to Play for His Country
114 INT. THE FISCHER APARTMENT - DAWN 114

As if frozen in time. Strips of aluminum hang from the
windows. Chessboards are set up but covered with dust.

Bobby sits alone at a chessboard.

115 INT. NATIONAL THEATER, REYKJAVIK, ICELAND (DOC-STYLE) 115

US Ambassador Tremblay is waylaid by JOURNALISTS.

ICELANDIC JOURNALIST
Mr. Ambassador, is Bobby Fischer's
behavior affecting US/Icelandic
relations?

ICELANDIC JOURNALIST #2 (V.O.)
There's talk of the Icelandic
Parliament asking for the removal of
the US Air Force base--

ICELANDIC JOURNALIST
Is it true Fischer has demanded two
million dollars to come to Reykjavik?

TREMBLAY
I love chess. The world loves chess.
We are here to celebrate chess.
(to an aide)
Tell me Fischer is on a plane.

The aide looks like he's about to throw up.

TREMBLAY (CONT'D)
Get him here! Even if you have to
use a damn tranquilizer dart.
Pink Revision 10-01-13 80.

116 INT. THE FISCHER APARTMENT - NIGHT 116

The apartment is in shadows. Bobby dials the phone.

BOBBY
Joanie, where the hell are you?

117 INTERCUT - JOAN'S BEDROOM 117

Joan's in bed beside her sleeping husband.

JOAN
Hello?

BOBBY
Joanie?

JOAN
Bobby, is that you? Where are you?

BOBBY
...I'm here.

JOAN
In Iceland?

BOBBY
No. Here. Home.

JOAN
You're in New York?

BOBBY
Had to get away from them...

JOAN
Bobby, are you okay?

BOBBY
The whole world is pulling at me,
Joanie.

JOAN
Stay there, baby. I'll come in.

He's a lonely little boy in a scary world.

BOBBY
...They're asking me questions, making
me do stuff. So many people.
Crowding me. I can't think, I can't
think about chess.
81.

JOAN
I'm coming now. You stay there.

Bobby HEARS a CLICKING on the phone.

BOBBY
You hear that? They're listening.
They're always listening...

At that moment there is a heavy KNOCK on the apartment door.

BOBBY (CONT'D)
They're HERE! They're coming to get
me, Joanie!

JOAN
Oh, Bobby....

The KNOCKING gets heavier. Someone is breaking down the door.
Bobby whimpers. Finally the door flies open and Marshall
enters, accompanied by two HEAVIES we haven't seen before.

MARSHALL
Hey, pal, we were worried about you.

Bobby confronts them with fists clenched. Marshall gently
closes the door and gives a slip of paper to one of his men.
The guy goes to Bobby's phone and begins to dial.

BOBBY
Hey! You pay for that call!

MARSHALL
Bobby, why'd you run away?

BOBBY
(a speed rap)
I changed my mind the money's no
good they're charging five bucks a
ticket the hall holds eleven hundred,
twenty-four games max...that's 132
grand!Ï They should be paying me
more we're capitalists, right?

MARSHALL
Big news. Just got us an extra 125K.

It's like Marshall is gentling an escaped animal.

MARSHALL (CONT'D)
Some English chess nut. Wants to
see you play so bad.

The guy on the phone nods, holds up the receiver.
Pink Revision 10-01-13 82.

MARSHALL (CONT'D)
But it's not just me who wants you
to play, Bobby. There's someone on
the phone wants to speak to you.

BOBBY
My mom?

MARSHALL
Better. Henry Fucking Kissinger.

Bobby stares at the phone in disbelief.

MARSHALL (CONT'D)
Henry Kissinger! On your phone. In
Brooklyn! Pretty amazing, huh?

Marshall gently takes the phone and offers it to Bobby.

BOBBY
You're joking me.

MARSHALL
Wants to speak to you on behalf of
the President.

Bobby looks around where the Communist Party used to meet.
He thinks he sees the banner hanging as it once did.

MARSHALL (CONT'D)
All these years you've been talking
about America. Now you are America.
Take the phone.

Bobby takes the phone and puts it to his ear.

KISSINGER (O.S.)
Hey, Bobby Fischer...

Bobby takes a breath, almost sobs.

KISSINGER (O.S.) (CONT'D)
This is the worst chess player in
the world talking to the best. The
President and I want you to do your
duty for your country. What do you
say?

Bobby is at a loss for a moment. Then focuses.

BOBBY
I guess I'll go do my duty. Sir.

70's ROCK MUSIC KICKS IN.
Yellow Revision 10-11-13 83.
Genres: ["Drama","Biography"]

Summary In Bobby Fischer's dusty apartment, he plays chess alone, expressing his fear and anxiety to his ex-girlfriend Joan. Meanwhile, journalists in Iceland question US Ambassador Tremblay about Bobby's behavior affecting US/Icelandic relations. Bobby's fear and the journalists' questions create a tense atmosphere, but Marshall's offer of extra money and Henry Kissinger's authoritative request help resolve the conflicts. The scene ends with Bobby agreeing to play chess for his country, creating a sense of hope and patriotism.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
  • Tension building
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue may feel slightly melodramatic

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively conveys Bobby Fischer's inner turmoil and the external pressures he faces, creating a tense and emotionally charged atmosphere.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of duty, fame, and mental health is central to the scene, driving Bobby Fischer's actions and decisions.

Plot: 7

The plot advances as Bobby grapples with the expectations placed on him and the conflicting emotions he experiences, leading to a pivotal moment in his journey.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh perspective on the life of a famous chess player, exploring the psychological and emotional struggles behind the public persona. The dialogue feels authentic and raw, adding depth to the characters.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters, especially Bobby Fischer, are well-developed and their internal struggles are portrayed convincingly, adding depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 8

Bobby Fischer undergoes a significant emotional journey in the scene, grappling with his sense of duty and the pressures placed on him.

Internal Goal: 8

Bobby's internal goal in this scene is to find a sense of peace and clarity amidst the overwhelming demands and pressures he is facing. He is struggling with his own identity and the expectations placed on him.

External Goal: 7

Bobby's external goal is to navigate the complex web of relationships and expectations surrounding his chess career, including demands from the US Ambassador and his manager Marshall.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

There is a high level of internal conflict within Bobby Fischer, as well as external pressures and conflicts with his handlers, adding intensity to the scene.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Bobby facing external pressures from various characters and internal conflicts that challenge his beliefs and values.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high for Bobby Fischer, both personally and professionally, as he navigates fame, pressure, and his own mental health issues.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by highlighting Bobby Fischer's internal struggles and the external challenges he faces, setting the stage for future developments.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because it introduces unexpected twists and turns in Bobby's decision-making process, keeping the audience on edge.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the tension between personal freedom and societal expectations. Bobby is torn between following his own desires and fulfilling his duty to his country.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions, particularly empathy for Bobby Fischer's struggles and the weight of his responsibilities.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue effectively conveys Bobby Fischer's state of mind, his paranoia, and his sense of isolation, adding to the tension of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it presents a high-stakes situation with emotional depth and conflict, keeping the audience invested in Bobby's journey.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, leading to a climactic moment where Bobby must make a crucial decision.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, leading to a climactic moment where Bobby must make a crucial decision.


Critique
  • The scene is too long and meandering. It would benefit from being trimmed down to focus on the most important elements.
  • The dialogue is stilted and unnatural. It doesn't feel like real people talking.
  • The characters are one-dimensional and not particularly interesting. The reader doesn't feel invested in their story.
  • The plot is predictable and lacks suspense. The reader can guess what's going to happen next.
  • The setting is not well-developed and the reader doesn't get a clear sense of where the scene is taking place.
Suggestions
  • Consider cutting out some of the unnecessary dialogue and action. This will help the scene move faster and keep the reader engaged.
  • Rewrite the dialogue so that it sounds more natural and authentic. This will help the characters come to life and make the reader more invested in their story.
  • Add some depth and complexity to the characters. Give them clear motivations and goals, and make them flawed and relatable.
  • Think about ways to create suspense and keep the reader guessing. This could involve adding a twist or surprise to the plot, or introducing a new conflict.
  • Take the time to develop the setting and give the reader a clear sense of where the scene is taking place. This will help the reader immerse themselves in the story and feel like they are part of the world you've created.



Scene 30 -  Bobby Fischer's Journey to the Chess Match of the Century
118 EXT. FISCHER APARTMENT, NIGHT (MUSIC CONT OVER) 118

Marshall emerges, checks the street. A bread van is parked
nearby. Two heavies emerge on hurry him into the van..

MARSHALL
No limos. We travel in disguise.

BOBBY
I will accept one seven five US.
That's the deal, right? Half in cash.

The doors SLAM shut and the bread van roars away.

A119 EXT. MANHATTAN TUNNEL (2ND UNIT) A119

The van heads toward JFK.

BBC ANNOUNCER (V.O.)
This is the BBC World Service.
American chess Grandmaster, Bobby
Fischer, is believed to be finally
on his way to Iceland for--

The announcement becomes an Italian broadcaster...

ITALIAN ANNOUNCER (V.O.)
--his match with Boris Spassky.

It becomes a CACOPHONY of radio commentary in various
languages that Bobby is on his way.

119 OMIT 119

120 OMIT 120

121 INTERCUT: MAN-ON-STREET INTERVIEWS: (MUSIC CONT OVER) 121

A BUS DRIVER
Fischer is to chess what Ali is to
boxing. I love him.

A LONG-HAIRED HIPPIE
--Least there's one reason to feel
good about America, you hear me?

122 INT. MANHATTAN CHESS CLUB - SAME (MUSIC CONT OVER) 122

Father Lombardy watches a small TV, his emotions roiling.
Yellow Revision 10-11-13 84.

123 INT. JFK AIRPORT BAGGAGE TUNNEL(MUSIC CONT OVER) 123

Men in dark suits escort Bobby as he steps out of the van.

124 INT. REGINA'S MOSCOW APARTMENT - DAY (MUSIC CONT OVER) 124

On a black-and-white TV, a grainy image of Bobby emerging at
Reykjavik airport. Regina is watching. The announcer is
Russian but we recognize the name 'Bobby Fischer."

125 INTERCUT - A MONTAGE OF NEWS COMMENTATORS (MUSIC CONT OVER) 125

John Chancellor, Walter Cronkite, Harry Reasoner -- all in
breathless anticipation of the match.

126 A TV SOUNDBITE (MUSIC CONT OVER) 126

As Bobby arrives in Reykjavik.

BOBBY
This thing with me and Spassky.
Instead of bombs we're having it out
with little pieces of ivory.

127 EXT. ICELAND - DAY (MUSIC CONT. OVER) 127

A police car speeds down empty Icelandic roads. Bobby sits
in the back with Marshall, staring out at the bleak landscape.

They arrive at the same house we saw in the opening shot.

128 INT. GRANITE COUNTRY HOUSE (MUSIC CONT. OVER) 128

Bobby enters, takes in the beautiful decor.

MARSHALL
Five bedrooms. Pick any one you
want. Place even has a sauna.

Bobby is incredulous....and moved.

BOBBY
This is the first house I ever lived
in.

129 INTERCUT - TV SOUNDBITES - ARCHIVAL - (MUSIC CONT OVER) 129

CBS News is all over it.

ERIC SEVAREID (on TV)
A chess craze is sweeping the nation.
Sales of chess sets have tripled in
the past weeks and stores literally
can't keep them in stock...
Green Revision 10-14-13 85.

130 VARIOUS IMAGES - ARCHIVAL - (MUSIC CONT OVER) 130

Kids playing chess at home, in schools, in the park.
Genres: ["Drama","Biography","Thriller"]

Summary In this scene, Marshall and Bobby are driven to JFK airport for Bobby's match with Boris Spassky in Iceland. Man-on-the-street interviews convey excitement for Bobby, and Regina watches his arrival in Reykjavik on TV in Moscow. Bobby is escorted by men in dark suits and arrives at a stunning granite country house in Iceland, marking the first house he ever lived in. The tension builds as Bobby prepares for the high-stakes chess match.
Strengths
  • Intense emotional moments
  • Compelling character development
  • High stakes and tension
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue could be more impactful
  • Slightly disjointed transitions

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene is intense, emotional, and sets up high stakes for Bobby Fischer's upcoming chess match, with strong character development and a sense of urgency.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of Bobby Fischer's journey to Iceland for a high-stakes chess match is compelling and well-executed, drawing the audience into his world and inner turmoil.

Plot: 8

The plot is engaging, with Bobby Fischer facing internal and external conflicts as he prepares for the match against Boris Spassky, leading to a climactic moment of decision.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh perspective on the world of competitive chess and the personal struggles of a renowned player. The dialogue feels authentic and the characters are portrayed with depth and complexity.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters, especially Bobby Fischer, Marshall, and Father Lombardy, are well-developed and show depth, emotion, and internal struggles, adding layers to the story.

Character Changes: 8

Bobby Fischer undergoes significant emotional changes, from paranoia and fear to determination and nostalgia, showing growth and complexity.

Internal Goal: 8

Bobby's internal goal in this scene is to navigate the challenges and pressures of his upcoming chess match with Spassky. This reflects his desire for recognition, success, and validation as a chess player.

External Goal: 7

Bobby's external goal is to successfully travel to Iceland for his match with Spassky, despite the media attention and potential obstacles along the way.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The scene is filled with internal and external conflicts, including Bobby's paranoia, negotiation for money, and emotional journey, creating tension and suspense.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene, such as media attention and logistical challenges, adds complexity and conflict to Bobby's journey, creating obstacles for him to overcome.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high, with Bobby Fischer's reputation, mental health, and personal relationships on the line as he prepares for the crucial chess match in Iceland.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by setting up the high-stakes chess match in Iceland, showcasing Bobby Fischer's emotional journey and internal struggles.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because it introduces new challenges and obstacles for Bobby, keeping the audience on edge about his journey to Iceland.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the idea of competition and the value of intellectual pursuits like chess. Bobby's dedication to the game challenges societal norms and expectations.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from anxiety and fear to nostalgia and determination, drawing the audience into Bobby Fischer's emotional journey.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is tense and emotional, reflecting the characters' inner turmoil and the high stakes of the situation, but could benefit from more impactful exchanges.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it combines action, emotion, and thematic depth to draw the audience into Bobby's journey and the world of competitive chess.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a balance of action and reflection that maintains the audience's interest and builds suspense for Bobby's journey.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is consistent with the expected format for a screenplay, with clear scene headings, action lines, and dialogue.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure, moving between different locations and characters to build tension and anticipation. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the effectiveness of the scene.


Critique
  • The scene is too long and does not advance the plot in a meaningful way. The dialogue is stilted and unnatural, and the characters are not well-developed.
  • The scene is also very repetitive. The same points are made over and over again, and there is no real sense of progress.
  • The scene lacks tension and drama. There is no conflict or stakes, and the audience is not invested in the characters or their journey.
  • The ending of the scene is abrupt and unsatisfying. It leaves the audience with no sense of closure or resolution.
Suggestions
  • Cut down the scene by removing unnecessary dialogue and action.
  • Focus on developing the characters and their relationships.
  • Add conflict and stakes to the scene.
  • Give the scene a more satisfying ending.



Scene 31 -  Bobby Fischer's Paranoia and Tense Encounter with Spassky before the Chess Match
131 INT. GRANITE COUNTRY HOUSE, BOBBY'S BEDROOM 131

Bobby is on his knees searching for listening devices. A
gentle knock on the door and Lombardy enters.

BOBBY
Hey, they said you weren't coming.

Bobby looks wired, sleepless -- but his vulnerability is so
compelling. Lombardy is full of emotion but he covers it.

LOMBARDY
I'm your second. *

They look at each other. Three years have forged a deep
bond between them.

BOBBY
Thank you. Father.

LOMBARDY
Anything I can get you, Bobby?

BOBBY
Yeah. Help me check for bugs. These
cheaters'll do anything to get me.

132 INT. GRANITE COUNTRY HOUSE, LIVING ROOM 132

Marshall is signing contracts when Lombardy enters.

MARSHALL
Couldn't stay away, huh? I get it. *
Yankees are playing for the pennant *
and you've got a front row seat. *

Lombardy just looks at him.
Green Revision 10-14-13 86.

MARSHALL (CONT'D)
A billion people around the world
watching two guys play chess.
President Nixon has had a TV put in
the Oval Office.
(lights a cigarette)
World War III on a chessboard. We
lost China. We're losing Vietnam.
We have to win this one.

133 EXT. NATIONAL THEATER, REYKJAVIK, ICELAND 133

TV CREWS report in their own languages. The only words we
understand are 'Bobby Fischer' and 'Boris Spassky'...

Caption: July 11th 1972. Game One.

ABC COMMENTATOR *
This is ABC's Wide World of Sports *
bringing you live coverage of the
World Championship of Chess...

Boris Spassky arrives, looking relaxed. News cameras shoot *
him as he steps out to cheers. No sign of Bobby.

ABC COMMENTATOR (CONT'D) *
Best of 24 games. Each win is worth *
a point, each draw is half-a-point --
the chess version of a fifteen round
heavyweight prize fight.

134 INT. NATIONAL THEATER, PLAYING HALL 134*

Utter stillness.

Schmid -- the adjudicator -- looks at the big clock above
the stage.

Boris sits erect in his chair, refusing to be psyched out. *

The crowd is growing restless and SLOW HAND CLAPPING begins... *

A135 INT. NATIONAL THEATER HALLWAY - CONTINUOUS A135

As Bobby approaches the stage, the SOUND of CLAPPING grows
louder. He stops.

B135 ON THE STAGE B135

FLASHBULBS signal Bobby's entrance! Some applause, some
boos. As Bobby strides across the stage, Spassky holds out
his hand but Bobby walks right past him. He greets Schmid,
then waves to the crowd.
Pink Revision 10-01-13 86A.

Then Bobby seems to notice Spassky for the first time, smiles.

BOBBY
Boris!
87.

He lurches over, sticks out a hand.

BOBBY (CONT'D)
How ya been? Good? You look good.

Spassky is wrong-footed. Doesn't know if he's being fucked
with. A BLIZZARD of FLASHBULBS as they shake.

SCHMID
Now we come together for the drawing
of the colors.

Boris takes two pawns, black and white, in his closed fists.

BORIS
Choose...

We now follow the word 'choose' as it travels West.
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary Bobby Fischer, wired and sleepless, searches his bedroom for listening devices with his second, Lombardy. Meanwhile, Marshall and Lombardy discuss the significance of the chess match against Boris Spassky. TV crews from around the world gather at the National Theater in Reykjavik, Iceland for the start of the match. Amidst this tension, Bobby arrives late, causing a delay and creating tension between him and Spassky. The scene ends with Bobby arriving on stage, shaking Spassky's hand, and waving to the crowd.
Strengths
  • Intense emotional depth
  • Tension-filled dialogue
  • Strong character development
Weaknesses
  • Some repetitive elements in Bobby Fischer's paranoia

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is intense, emotionally charged, and sets the stage for a crucial moment in the story, earning a high rating.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a high-stakes chess match between two iconic players, filled with tension and paranoia, is well-executed and engaging.

Plot: 9

The plot advances significantly as Bobby Fischer prepares for the match against Boris Spassky, setting up a pivotal moment in the story.

Originality: 9

The scene showcases originality through the fresh approach to portraying a high-stakes chess match, the authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue, and the use of psychological warfare as a central theme.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters, especially Bobby Fischer and Lombardy, are well-developed and their emotions and motivations drive the scene effectively.

Character Changes: 8

Bobby Fischer shows vulnerability and paranoia, while Lombardy displays emotional depth and loyalty, indicating character growth and development.

Internal Goal: 8

Bobby's internal goal in this scene is to maintain his composure and confidence in the face of pressure and competition. It reflects his need for validation and success in the chess world, as well as his desire to prove himself against a formidable opponent like Spassky.

External Goal: 7

Bobby's external goal in this scene is to win the chess match against Spassky and establish himself as a champion. It reflects the immediate challenge he is facing in the championship and the pressure to perform under the spotlight.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between Bobby Fischer's paranoia and the upcoming chess match with Boris Spassky creates tension and suspense.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Bobby and Spassky facing off in a high-stakes chess match where the outcome is uncertain, adding to the suspense and conflict.

High Stakes: 9

The high stakes of the chess match, combined with Bobby Fischer's mental state and emotional turmoil, heighten the tension and importance of the scene.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by setting up the crucial chess match between Bobby Fischer and Boris Spassky.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of Bobby's unpredictable behavior and the uncertainty of the outcome of the chess match, creating suspense and tension for the audience.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is the contrast between Bobby's unconventional and unpredictable behavior, and the traditional and strategic approach of Spassky. This challenges Bobby's beliefs in his own methods and the importance of psychological warfare in chess.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions from the characters and the audience, particularly due to Bobby Fischer's vulnerability and tension.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is tense and reflects the characters' emotions and the high stakes of the situation.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the high stakes, intense emotions, and strategic gameplay involved in the chess match, keeping the audience on the edge of their seats.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the outcome of the chess match.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene adheres to the expected format for a screenplay, with clear scene headings, dialogue, and action descriptions.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for a dramatic and suspenseful moment in a screenplay, building tension and conflict effectively.


Critique
  • The beginning of the scene is slow and doesn't provide much information or context.
  • The dialogue between Bobby and Lombardy is stilted and unnatural.
  • The scene doesn't do much to advance the plot or develop the characters.
  • The transition to the next scene is abrupt and doesn't make sense.
  • There is no clear purpose or goal for the scene.
Suggestions
  • Start the scene with a more engaging hook that grabs the reader's attention.
  • Rewrite the dialogue between Bobby and Lombardy to make it more natural and believable.
  • Add more details and descriptions to the setting and characters.
  • Give the scene a clear purpose or goal.
  • Smooth out the transition to the next scene by providing more context or using a different transition technique.



Scene 32 -  Bobby Fischer's Struggle with Distractions during the World Chess Championship
135 INT. BROOKLYN CHESS CLUB, NEW YORK CITY 135

Carmine and others watch raptly.

BORIS
Choose...

136 INT. WHITE HOUSE, OVAL OFFICE, WASHINGTON 136

Through a half open door, we see the backs of the President
and his advisers watching TV...

BORIS
Choose...

137 INT. KREMLIN, PRESIDENTIAL SANCTUM, MOSCOW 137

President Brezhnev is watching as well...

BORIS
Choose...

138 INT. NATIONAL THEATER, PLAYING HALL, STAGE 138

Close on Boris's hand opening in SLOW-MOTION.

SCHMID
Mr Fischer chose black. Mr Spassky
will begin.

Bobby and Boris's eyes meet. The applause crescendos.

139 INT. NATIONAL THEATER, PLAYING HALL, STAGE 139

Silence.
Green Revision 10-14-13 88.

Bobby and Spassky sit absolutely still. Fischer's thumb and
forefinger push his lips into a contemplative grimace.

Boris moves his Knight to King's Bishop Four.

140 INT. NATIONAL THEATER, VIEWING GALLERY 140

The advisers look down on the stage. Bobby makes his move. *
A whisper passes among them. Lombardy makes a note.

141 INT. NATIONAL THEATER, PLAYING HALL, STAGE 141

TIME-CUT. A large SCREEN above the stage shows the moves.
Bobby studies the board.

A142 INT. NATIONAL THEATER, VIEWING GALLERY A142

Lombardy and Marshall stand together.

MARSHALL
So far, so good...

LOMBARDY
They're both following the Nizmo. A
draw in the opening game is fine.

B142 BACK TO THE STAGE B142

Behind him, Bobby hears an official shift his weight. A *
piece of paper CRINKLES in his hand.

BOBBY
Could you hush...

The official looks puzzled. Bobby tries to concentrate.

A few COUGHS. Bobby looks at the audience and imitates a
particular cough viciously. A few sniggers.

Then... a low BUZZING, WHIRRING noise from behind him.

142 BOBBY'S PERCEPTION 142

The sound of A CAMERA is like the rip of a buzz saw. An
electrical panel BUZZES. The COUGHS of the audience are
magnified as if in a TB ward.
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary The scene opens with chess grandmaster Boris Spassky urging his opponent, Bobby Fischer, to make a move in the World Chess Championship match. As Fischer contemplates his move, the scene cuts to various locations where people are watching the match, including the Brooklyn Chess Club, the White House, and the Kremlin. Back at the National Theater in Reykjavik, Fischer makes his move, and the audience in the viewing gallery discusses the game. However, Fischer becomes increasingly annoyed by various distractions in the audience, including coughing and a buzzing noise from a camera. The scene ends with Fischer becoming increasingly agitated by the distractions, creating a tense and suspenseful atmosphere.
Strengths
  • Intense atmosphere
  • Strong character development
  • Engaging dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Some elements of paranoia may be overplayed

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is highly engaging, with a strong focus on the psychological aspects of the characters and the mounting tension of the chess match.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a high-stakes chess match between two iconic players is executed well, with a focus on the mental and emotional challenges faced by the characters.

Plot: 9

The plot is driven by the intense chess match and the psychological dynamics between Bobby Fischer and Boris Spassky, keeping the audience on the edge of their seats.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a unique setting of a high-stakes chess match with multiple locations and characters, creating a sense of urgency and competition. The dialogue and actions of the characters feel authentic and contribute to the authenticity of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters of Bobby Fischer and Boris Spassky are well-developed, with their fears, anxieties, and competitive spirits shining through in the scene.

Character Changes: 8

Both Bobby Fischer and Boris Spassky undergo internal changes and revelations during the scene, adding depth to their characters.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to focus and concentrate on the chess match despite distractions and external pressures. This reflects his desire to win and prove himself as a skilled chess player.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to make strategic moves in the chess match to outwit his opponent and ultimately win the game. This reflects the immediate challenge he is facing in the match.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between Bobby Fischer and Boris Spassky, both internally and externally, is palpable and drives the scene forward.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with external distractions and pressures challenging the protagonist's focus and determination to win the chess match.

High Stakes: 10

The stakes are incredibly high in the scene, with the outcome of the chess match having far-reaching consequences for both characters.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by setting up the intense rivalry between Bobby Fischer and Boris Spassky and foreshadowing the challenges to come.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected distractions and external factors that affect the protagonist's focus during the chess match.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between the pressure to perform well in a high-stakes game and the distractions and external factors that can affect the protagonist's focus. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs in his own abilities and his determination to succeed.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes a strong emotional response from the audience, as they are drawn into the psychological battle between the characters.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is tense and reflective of the characters' mental states, adding depth to the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the high-stakes nature of the chess match, the intense focus on the protagonist's internal struggle, and the suspenseful atmosphere created by the writer's voice.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, maintaining a rhythm that keeps the audience engaged and focused on the outcome of the chess match.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene follows the expected format for a screenplay, effectively conveying the locations and character actions.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, following the expected format for a high-stakes competition in a screenplay.


Critique
  • The scene is very short and doesn't provide much context or character development.
  • The dialogue is minimal and doesn't reveal much about the characters or their motivations.
  • The action is very repetitive and doesn't build to any kind of climax.
  • The scene doesn't seem to have a clear purpose or goal.
  • The use of sound effects is excessive and distracting.
Suggestions
  • Add more dialogue to reveal the characters' motivations and relationships.
  • Vary the action to create a more dynamic scene.
  • Give the scene a clear purpose or goal.
  • Use sound effects more sparingly and effectively.



Scene 33 -  Bobby Fischer's Struggle with Distractions during a Crucial Chess Game
143 INT. NATIONAL THEATER, PLAYING HALL, STAGE 143

Back to normal sound. Bobby tries to concentrate. Can't.

BOBBY
What IS that?

Boris slumps back in his seat. Some eyes roll.
Pink Revision 10-01-13 88A.

BOBBY (CONT'D)
That buzz buzz buzz...

Schmid cocks an ear.

SCHMID
It is just a camera.

BOBBY
Buzz, buzz, buzz. Jesus.

Bobby gets to his feet and begins to pace. The crowd begins
to WHISPER. He turns on them...
Green Revision 10-14-13 89.

BOBBY (CONT'D)
Could you all shut up? Could everyone
stop?

Silence. Then a deliberate cough from some teenager.

BOBBY (CONT'D)
JESUS!
(to Schmid)
Coughing, buzzing lights. Cameras
everywhere. I can hear them rolling.
You're gonna have to do something...

A couple of people in the crowd dare to boo.

144 INT. NATIONAL THEATER, VIEWING GALLERY 144

Lombardy and Marshall share a look. An inauspicious
beginning. Nei turns to Geller.

GELLER
He is deliberately trying to unsettle
Boris. Help him.

Lombardy sees Nei leaving and decides he too must go down.

A145 INT. NATIONAL THEATER, STAIRCASE A145

Lombardy and Nei race down the steps, two at a time.

145 INT. NATIONAL THEATER, PLAYING HALL 145

Nei is speaking to Schmid. *

Bobby looks out at the sea of staring faces.

BOBBY
We have to get rid of the cameras.
(points to a curtain)
Behind there. I can hear them...

SCHMID *
They are just TV cameras. *

BOBBY
And there's something wrong with the
lights....
(looks at the board)
It's too dark...I can't see what
anything is.

He looks out into the darkness. *
Green Revision 10-14-13 90.

BOBBY (CONT'D)
And the audience.

SCHMID *
What's wrong with the audience?

BOBBY
They gotta move back.

Then Spassky abruptly makes his move.

SCHMID *
Mr. Spassky has made his move. *

BOBBY
(pointing)
And up there... You don't hear what
I do...

Lombardy looks up into the lights. Hears nothing. *

146 BOBBY'S PERCEPTION 146*

The buzzing of FLORESCENT LIGHTS sounds like a SWARM OF WASPS.
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary During a chess match at the National Theater, Bobby Fischer, a highly sensitive player, becomes disturbed by sounds from cameras and lights. He pleads with the crowd to be quiet and requests the removal of the cameras. His fellow players, Schmid, Lombardy, and Nei, assist him in his attempts to create a more suitable environment. Despite their efforts, Fischer continues to be bothered by the lights and sounds, causing a tense and uncomfortable atmosphere in the theater. The scene concludes with Spassky making a move and Fischer drawing attention to the sounds in the lights.
Strengths
  • Intense atmosphere
  • Effective portrayal of paranoia and tension
  • Strong character development
Weaknesses
  • Some repetitive dialogue
  • Limited external action

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively conveys Bobby's mental state and the pressure of the chess match, creating a tense and gripping atmosphere.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of portraying Bobby's paranoia and sensory overload during a crucial chess match is executed well, adding depth to the character and the scene.

Plot: 7

The plot focuses on Bobby's struggle to concentrate during the match, highlighting his internal turmoil and external distractions.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh approach to a high-pressure situation, focusing on sensory overload and technical issues in a theater setting. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and engaging.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters, especially Bobby, are well-developed and their emotions and motivations are effectively portrayed.

Character Changes: 7

Bobby experiences a shift in his mental state and behavior during the scene, showcasing his vulnerability and inner turmoil.

Internal Goal: 8

Bobby's internal goal in this scene is to address his sensory overload and anxiety caused by the buzzing lights and cameras. This reflects his need for control and comfort in a high-pressure situation.

External Goal: 7

Bobby's external goal is to address the technical issues with the cameras and lights in order to improve the performance environment for the event.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between Bobby and the audience, as well as his internal conflict, creates a high level of tension and drama.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with technical issues and audience expectations creating obstacles for Bobby to overcome. The uncertainty adds to the tension and drama of the scene.

High Stakes: 9

The high stakes of the chess match, combined with Bobby's mental state and the pressure from the audience, create a sense of urgency and importance.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by highlighting Bobby's mental struggles and setting the stage for the climax of the chess match.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected technical issues and Bobby's escalating response to the situation. The audience is unsure of how he will handle the challenges.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

There is a philosophical conflict between Bobby's need for control and the audience's expectations for a successful event. This challenges Bobby's beliefs about his ability to handle pressure and maintain composure.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes strong emotions of anxiety, fear, and frustration, drawing the audience into Bobby's mental state.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue effectively conveys Bobby's frustration and the escalating tension in the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense atmosphere, sharp dialogue, and high stakes. The conflict and tension keep the audience invested in Bobby's struggle.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and urgency, keeping the audience engaged and invested in Bobby's challenges. The rhythm of the dialogue and action enhances the scene's effectiveness.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene's formatting is clear and concise, following industry standards for screenplay format. It effectively conveys the action and dialogue in a visually engaging way.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure, with a buildup of tension and conflict leading to a resolution. The formatting aligns with the expected format for a dramatic scene in a screenplay.


Critique
  • The dialogue between Bobby and the various individuals in the scene is somewhat repetitive and doesn't advance the plot or character development significantly.
  • The scene lacks a clear focus and seems to jump between multiple issues (distractions, audience noise, lighting) without resolving any of them.
  • The pacing of the scene is slow and the tension that was building up in the previous scene dissipates.
  • The use of Bobby's perception to convey the buzzing lights as a swarm of wasps is a bit too on-the-nose and doesn't add much to the scene.
Suggestions
  • Consider streamlining the dialogue and focusing on a single issue that Bobby is facing, such as the distractions from the audience.
  • Add more tension to the scene by having Bobby's frustration escalate and leading to a more dramatic confrontation.
  • Explore different ways to convey Bobby's heightened senses without relying on such obvious metaphors as a swarm of wasps.
  • Consider adding more interaction between Bobby and Spassky to build up the rivalry between the two players.



Scene 34 -  Bobby Fischer's Anxiety-Fueled Loss at the National Theater
147 INT. NATIONAL THEATER, PLAYING HALL, STAGE 147

Bobby swings his arms around, trying to shake it off. Finally
he returns to his seat. Spassky studies him dispassionately.

BORIS
You don't look so good Robert James...

Bobby lowers his head, looks back to the board...

148 OMITTED 148

149 OMITTED 149
Green Revision 10-14-13 91.

150 INT. NATIONAL THEATER, PLAYING STAGE 150

Bobby tries to concentrate.

A chair SCRAPES.

He looks up, distracted. Looks back at the board.

The SOUND of someone TALKING in the audience.

He looks up again.

With each distraction, Bobby is more unsettled. A cough
SOUNDS like a CANNON, a squeak is a SCREAM.

Bobby's eyes dart furtively. He reaches for a piece.

151 INT. NATIONAL THEATER, VIEWING GALLERY 151

Lombardy returns to the gallery as Bobby moves his Bishop. *

LOMBARDY
He's inviting Spassky to exchange.
(studies his notes)
I hope to God this is a trap.

Spassky makes his move. The Russian advisers all scribble.

LOMBARDY (CONT'D)
Spassky's taking the invitation.

152 INT. NATIONAL THEATER, PLAYING HALL, STAGE 152

Bobby is in the throes of a full-fledged anxiety attack.
His heart is pounding, his breathing ragged.

Spassky knows it. He is a vulture attending his prey.

Bobby is a slow-motion train wreck. The distractions begin
to profliferate -- each one EXAGGERATED, the sound MAGNIFIED.

A SERIES of rapid CUTS -- like a deck of cards shuffling.

Bobby is fighting for his life. He can't take it a moment
more. He reaches out to make a move...

153 INT. NATIONAL THEATER, VIEWING GALLERY 153

LOMBARDY
Ah shit....

154 INT. NATIONAL THEATER 154

We SEE the move on the large board. A GASP from the crowd.
Green Revision 10-14-13 92.

ABC COMMENTATOR *
That move will hit the front page of *
every newspaper in the world tomorrow

155 IN BROOKLYN 155*

Carmine closes his eyes.

156 IN LONG ISLAND 156

Joan shakes her head.

157 IN MOSCOW 157

Regina clutches her chair.

ANCHOR
-- Because Bobby Fischer has made a
huge mistake....

158 INT. NATIONAL THEATER, PLAYING HALL 158

Suddenly, onstage, Bobby leaps to his feet...

BOBBY
I can still hear the cameras!
(turns to the curtain)
I want these people out of here...

Bobby YANKS the curtain and drags two TV cameramen, blinking,
into the light. The crowd begins to laugh, others jeer.

BOBBY (CONT'D)
They were whispering!!

The crowd begins to BOO and then slow hand clap.

SCHMID
...first game goes to...Boris Spassky.

The SCOREBOARD reads: Spassky 1 Fischer 0.

159 INT. NATIONAL THEATER, BEHIND THE STAGE 159

Bobby stalks away in a fury. He heads downstairs.

A160 INT. NATIONAL THEATER, STAIRWAY A160

Marshall and Lombardy race downstairs to catch up to him.

160 INT. NATIONAL THEATER, PING PONG ROOM 160

Marshall and Lombardy manage to catch up to Bobby in a small
room used as a recreation area: a drinks machine and a ping
pong table. Suddenly the noise of the auditorium disappears.
Pink Revision 10-01-13 93.

MARSHALL
It's just one game. One point.
You'll take him tomorrow. Twelve-
and-a-half points is a long match.

Bobby is breathing hard -- but then he stops and looks around.

LOMBARDY
The reporters will go after Spassky.
We can slip out another way...

Bobby is staring around in wonder -- studying the bare walls.

MARSHALL
Bobby? Are you okay?

BOBBY
It's quiet in here.

Marshall and Lombardy look at each other. They think Bobby
is being crazy. Later we will learn he has just found the
answer to his problems.
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary Bobby Fischer, a chess player, faces Boris Spassky at the National Theater but struggles with anxiety from audience distractions, leading to a mistake and losing the first round. Post-game, Bobby vents his frustration about the audience and cameras, ultimately storming off the stage.
Strengths
  • Intense tension building
  • Emotional depth of characters
  • Unique portrayal of mental health struggles in a competitive setting
Weaknesses
  • Some elements of the scene may be too exaggerated or melodramatic

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively builds tension and showcases Bobby Fischer's internal struggles, leading to a dramatic climax.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of portraying a high-pressure chess match with a focus on mental health and paranoia is compelling and well-executed.

Plot: 7

The plot revolves around Bobby Fischer's anxiety and paranoia affecting his performance in the chess match, leading to a pivotal moment.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh perspective on the competitive world of chess, focusing on the psychological and emotional challenges faced by the characters. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters, especially Bobby Fischer, are well-developed and their internal conflicts are effectively portrayed.

Character Changes: 7

Bobby Fischer experiences a significant change in his mental state and behavior during the scene, showcasing his vulnerability and inner turmoil.

Internal Goal: 8

Bobby's internal goal is to overcome his anxiety and focus on the chess match. This reflects his deeper need for validation, fear of failure, and desire to prove himself as a chess prodigy.

External Goal: 7

Bobby's external goal is to win the chess match against Spassky. This reflects the immediate challenge he is facing in the competition.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between Bobby Fischer's internal struggles and the external pressures of the chess match creates a high level of tension.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Bobby facing internal and external challenges that create obstacles and uncertainty for the audience.

High Stakes: 9

The high stakes of the chess match, combined with Bobby Fischer's mental state, create a sense of urgency and importance.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by highlighting the challenges faced by Bobby Fischer and setting up future conflicts and developments.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected turn of events, Bobby's outburst, and the audience's reaction, creating uncertainty and tension.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict is between Bobby's internal struggles with anxiety and self-doubt, and the external pressure of the competitive chess world. This challenges his beliefs about his own abilities and the expectations placed on him.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes strong emotions of anxiety, frustration, and tension, especially through Bobby Fischer's portrayal.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue effectively conveys the tension and emotions of the characters during the high-stakes match.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its high stakes, emotional intensity, and suspenseful atmosphere, keeping the audience on the edge of their seats.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, with a rhythmic flow of escalating events leading to a climactic moment.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene effectively conveys the rapid cuts, intense emotions, and escalating tension, following the expected format for its genre.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a tense and dramatic moment in a screenplay, with a buildup of tension, climax, and resolution.


Critique
  • The scene is well-written and effectively conveys Bobby Fischer's anxiety and paranoia during the chess match. However, there are a few areas that could be improved:
  • The scene could be more visually interesting. The description of the playing hall is brief and could be expanded to create a more vivid setting. For instance, Martin Scorsese, the director of Raging Bull, used long takes, vibrant colors and dramatic use of lighting to create an immersive experience for the audience.
  • The dialogue could be more concise. Some of the lines are long and could be broken up into shorter, more impactful sentences. For example, "He's inviting Spassky to exchange. I hope to God this is a trap" could be shortened to "He's inviting Spassky. I hope it's a trap."
  • The pacing of the scene could be improved. The first part of the scene is slow and deliberate, but the pace picks up towards the end as Bobby becomes more agitated. The transition between these two parts could be smoother.
  • The use of sound effects could be more effective. The buzzing of the fluorescent lights is an effective way to convey Bobby's anxiety, but it could be used more sparingly to create a greater impact.
  • Finally, the ending of the scene is a bit abrupt. Bobby suddenly leaps to his feet and demands that the audience be removed, but it's not clear what triggers this outburst. The scene could be strengthened by providing a clearer motivation for Bobby's actions.
Suggestions
  • Add more descriptive details to the setting. What does the playing hall look like? What is the atmosphere like? What are the people in the audience wearing?
  • Break up some of the long lines of dialogue into shorter, more impactful sentences.
  • Consider adding some sound effects to the scene, such as the buzzing of the fluorescent lights or the sound of the audience coughing and talking.
  • Add a clearer motivation for Bobby's outburst at the end of the scene. What is it that finally sends him over the edge?
  • Consider adding a moment of silence or stillness before Bobby's outburst. This would help to build tension and make the outburst more impactful.
  • Consider having Bobby do something physical to demonstrate his frustration, such as knocking over a chair or throwing a chess piece.
  • Consider having one of the other characters, such as Lombardy or Marshall, try to calm Bobby down. This would add some conflict and drama to the scene.



Scene 35 -  Bobby's Paranoia and Obsession with Global Power
A161 INT. THE WHITE HOUSE, OVAL OFFICE A161

Watching TV, the President throws his pencil in anger...

161 EXT. NATIONAL THEATER - NIGHT 161

Boris Spassky leaves to a hero's reception. Some wave Soviet
flags. The crows push against the glass as they pull away.

162 OMITTED 162

A163 EXT. REYKJAVIK STREET - NIGHT (SECOND UNIT) A163

Bobby's car heads home.

163 INT. BOBBY'S CAR - SAME (POOR MAN'S PROCESS) 163

Bobby, Lombardy and Marshall ride in silence. When Bobby
speaks, it is oddly detached, as if talking to himself.

BOBBY
The board. When I look at it, I see
nothing. It's always been...I don't
know...alive.
(shakes his head)
With that move, I tried to make it
come alive. I thought...maybe I could
make it...alive again. Jolt it.
It's never happened before. I don't
get it........

He closes his eyes. Lombardy and Marshall look at each other.
Pink Revision 10-01-13 93A.

A164 EXT. REYKJAVIK STREET - NIGHT (2ND UNIT) A164

Boris' limo heads home.

164 INT. LIMO, TRAVELING (POOR MAN'S PROCESS) 164

Boris and Nei settle into their seats and the car pulls away.
Boris removes his sunglasses. He looks deeply weary.
Green Revision 10-14-13 94.

NEI
He broke apart at the first hard
blow.

BORIS
He shot himself in the the head.
For no reason.

NEI
You loaded the gun.

Boris stares thoughtfully out of the window.

BORIS
My chess teacher taught me....A man
who is prepared to commit suicide
always has the initiative.

165 INT. GRANITE COUNTRY HOUSE, HALLWAY 165

Lombardy brings Bobby a dinner tray. As he enters, we HEAR
another RECORDING of The Worldwide Church of God.

CULT PREACHER (O.S.)
...We know the truth of history,
friend, you and I. We see them
everywhere, working through their
banks and corporations, through
politics and the media...

LOMBARDY
You should be preparing for tomorrow
instead of listening to this garbage.

BOBBY
You really don't get it, do you?
This isn't about me, or Spassky, or
even Russia and America. This is
about power, absolute global power.

LOMBARDY
Bobby-- *

BOBBY
You think they care about chess --
wooden pieces on a board? *
(his eyes are wild)
They run everything. Behind the *
scenes, pulling strings in secret!
Now I know who they are.

Marshall has entered during Bobby's rant.
Green Revision 10-14-13 95.

MARSHALL
Who? Who runs things?

LOMBARDY
(wearily) *
He's talking about the Jews.

MARSHALL *
The Jews? What about the Jews?

BOBBY
They've been there from when I started
playing. They've always been there.

Lombardy shakes his head and walks out. *

MARSHALL *
You got your ass handed to you today.
If you don't get your head in the
game, you're going to be humiliated
in front of a billion people.

Bobby is madly scribbling something, hands it to Marshall. *

BOBBY
Give them this. *

He ushers Marshall out and slams the door. *
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In this tense and paranoid scene, Bobby expresses his belief about Jews controlling global power while riding in his car, Boris' limo, and a granite country house. Lombardy and Marshall try to reason with him, but Bobby remains adamant in his beliefs, which are fueled by his paranoia. The scene ends with Bobby ushering Marshall out and slamming the door, indicating his continued obsession and paranoia.
Strengths
  • Intense atmosphere
  • Complex characters
  • High stakes
  • Emotional depth
Weaknesses
  • Occasional disjointed dialogue

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene is intense, gripping, and filled with suspense. It effectively conveys the mental state of Bobby Fischer and sets up the high-stakes chess match.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of delving into Bobby Fischer's paranoia, conspiracy theories, and mental struggles adds depth and complexity to the scene.

Plot: 8

The plot revolves around Bobby Fischer's mental state, his preparation for the chess match, and the escalating tensions between the characters.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces fresh perspectives on historical events and conspiracy theories, adding depth to the characters' actions and dialogue. The authenticity of Bobby's paranoia and obsession with power feels genuine and compelling.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters, especially Bobby Fischer, are well-developed and their inner turmoil and conflicts are effectively portrayed.

Character Changes: 8

Bobby Fischer undergoes a significant change in his mental state and outlook, showcasing his descent into paranoia and conspiracy theories.

Internal Goal: 8

Bobby's internal goal in this scene is to make sense of his recent defeat and regain control over his life. His detached and erratic behavior reflects his deeper need for validation and power.

External Goal: 7

Bobby's external goal is to regain his reputation and win the chess match. This reflects the immediate challenge he is facing in the competition and the pressure to perform.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between Bobby Fischer's inner demons, his team, and the impending chess match with Boris Spassky creates a high level of tension.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting beliefs and values between the characters. Bobby's paranoia and conspiracy theories create a sense of uncertainty and tension.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high as Bobby Fischer's mental health, reputation, and the outcome of the chess match are all on the line.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by setting up the crucial chess match between Bobby Fischer and Boris Spassky and highlighting the escalating tensions.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable due to Bobby's erratic behavior and unexpected revelations about global power dynamics. The audience is kept on edge by the character's actions and dialogue.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around Bobby's paranoia and conspiracy theories about global power. His beliefs challenge the values of his companions and the audience's perception of reality.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions of anxiety, fear, and agitation, drawing the audience into the characters' mental struggles.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is intense and reflects the characters' emotions and mental states, but at times it can be a bit disjointed.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense dialogue, character conflicts, and thematic depth. The audience is drawn into Bobby's paranoia and struggle for power.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a gradual build-up of tension and emotional intensity. The rhythm of the dialogue enhances the effectiveness of the character interactions.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear transitions between locations and character actions. The visual descriptions enhance the atmosphere of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a traditional format for a dramatic confrontation, with escalating tension and character dynamics. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the effectiveness of the scene.


Critique
  • Lines 163-165 are effective in capturing Bobby's mental state and the tension within the car, but the dialogue could be more concise and impactful.
  • The scene could benefit from more visual elements or descriptions to enhance the atmosphere and engage the reader's senses.
  • While Bobby's rant about the 'Jews' may be reflective of his character, it could be handled in a more nuanced way to avoid perpetuating stereotypes.
  • The scene lacks a clear progression or resolution, and it could benefit from a stronger sense of purpose or direction.
Suggestions
  • Consider trimming down the dialogue in lines 163-165 while maintaining the core message and emotional impact.
  • Add sensory details to enhance the atmosphere, such as the sound of the car engine, the smell of the night air, or the flickering lights of the city.
  • Explore alternative ways to convey Bobby's paranoia and anti-semitism without resorting to stereotypes. Consider using subtler hints or symbolic imagery.
  • Give the scene a clearer purpose or direction by establishing a specific goal or conflict that Bobby and the other characters are working towards.



Scene 36 -  Bobby's Forfeit: A Tense Standoff in Iceland
166 INT. GRANITE COUNTRY HOUSE, LIVING ROOM 166*

Lombardy is studying Bobby's disastrous move in Game One as *
Marshall enters. *

LOMBARDY *
What he did today makes no sense...

MARSHALL *
(hands him the note)
Unless the rest of the games are
played without an audience and without
cameras he isn't going to show up.
Green Revision 10-14-13 96.

LOMBARDY *
(reading the note) *
He'll only continue if the games are *
played--
(a disbelieving pause)
--in the ping pong room...??????

MARSHALL *
He says it's the only place that's
quiet.

He looks up at the ceiling. We HEAR the muffled recording.

MARSHALL (CONT'D)
And he wants a different board. *
Says the marble makes too much noise *
when he sets the pieces down. Shit.
Shit. Shit. The kid has the world
in the palm of his hand and he's
throwing it all away.
(thinks)
It's like you said about Morphy.
Chess is destroying his brain.

LOMBARDY
Chess isn't destroying Bobby. *

MARSHALL
Then why the crazy demands? It's
like he wants them to say no. I
think he's afraid of what happens if
he loses.

LOMBARDY
I think he's afraid of what happens
if he wins.

167 INT. NATIONAL THEATER, PLAYING HALL 167

The audience sits in stunned silence.

Boris steps onstage but there is no applause. He sits down
at the chess table. Bobby's seat is empty.

Caption: Game Two.

168 EXT. ICELANDIC HILLS 168

A pastoral idyll. We find Bobby playing around, laughing
with an Icelandic pony. He runs with it, strokes its mane.
Pink Revision 10-01-13 97.

169 INT. NATIONAL THEATER, PLAYING HALL 169

Boris sits perfectly still. Schmid hits the clock and the
COUNTDOWN to Bobby's forfeit begins. The audience doesn't
move a muscle.

Suddenly the door to the auditorium OPENS and all heads turn.
But it is only a match official who freezes in his tracks.

The clock TICKS.

170 EXT. ICELANDIC HILLS 170

Bobby rides his bike through the hills. It's the most
carefree we've ever seen him.

171 INT. NATIONAL THEATER, PLAYING STAGE 171

Boris's clock hits zero. A sigh from the audience.

SCHMID
Mr Fischer failed to show. Mr Spassky
wins by forfeit.

The SCOREBOARD changes to: Spassky 2 Fischer 0.

Schmid reads from a typed sheet.

SCHMID (CONT'D)
According to Federation rules, Mr
Fischer has 24 hours to indicate in
writing that he wishes to continue.

172 EXT. ICELANDIC HILLS 172

Bobby is on his knees. A pony comes and licks his hand.
Bobby checks his watch...

SCHMID (V.O.)
Otherwise, Mr Fischer will be
disqualified and Mr Spassky will be
declared World Champion.

173 INT. SAGA HOTEL, BORIS SPASSKY'S ROOM - LATER 173

Spassky is alone -- pacing -- listening to radio commentary.

RADIO ANCHOR (V.O.)
What a disappointing turn. Experts
are saying the match is Spassky's,
regardless of what happens now --

Livo Nei enters, carrying a bottle of champagne.
Pink Revision 10-01-13 98.

RADIO ANCHOR (V.O.) (CONT'D)
--a two point advantage is considered
practically insurmountable.

A message card is tied to the bottle. Nei reads it aloud.

NEI
From Comrade Brezhnev. He sends
congratulations on your victory.

BORIS
Victory?

Nei opens the bottle and pours two glasses.

NEI
If Comrade Brezhnev says it is a
victory--
(toasts)
-- it is a victory.
Genres: ["Drama","Biography"]

Summary In this scene, Lombardy and Marshall discuss Bobby Fischer's strange demands and refusal to play chess under the organizers' conditions, while Fischer is shown playing with a pony in the Icelandic hills. Meanwhile, Boris Spassky waits on stage for Fischer, eventually winning the game by forfeit. The scene takes place in several different locations, with a tense and uncertain tone, and key pieces of dialogue include Marshall reading Fischer's note and Schmid announcing his forfeit. The scene ends with Spassky being congratulated on his victory and Fischer checking his watch in the Icelandic hills.
Strengths
  • Intense emotional portrayal
  • High stakes and tension building
  • Character development
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue could be more impactful

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene is intense, emotionally charged, and pivotal in the storyline.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of mental health struggles, paranoia, and the pressure of a high-profile chess match is well-executed.

Plot: 9

The plot advances significantly with Bobby Fischer's decision to forfeit the match, adding tension and drama.

Originality: 8

The scene presents a fresh approach to the competitive chess world, focusing on the psychological aspects of the game and the characters' motivations.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters, especially Bobby Fischer, are well-developed and their internal struggles are portrayed effectively.

Character Changes: 8

Bobby Fischer undergoes significant changes in this scene, showcasing his deteriorating mental state and the impact of the match on him.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to understand Bobby's behavior and motivations, reflecting his deeper need to mentor and guide the young chess prodigy.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to figure out Bobby's demands and ensure his participation in the upcoming games, reflecting the immediate challenge of dealing with a talented but unpredictable player.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between Bobby Fischer's internal struggles and the external pressure of the chess match is palpable.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Bobby's unpredictable behavior and conflicting motivations challenging the protagonist's beliefs and strategies.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are incredibly high, both for Bobby Fischer's mental well-being and the outcome of the World Chess Championship.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by setting up the climax of the match and Bobby Fischer's internal conflict.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable as Bobby's behavior and demands add a layer of uncertainty to the outcome of the chess games, keeping the audience on edge.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict revolves around the protagonist's belief that chess isn't destroying Bobby, while Marshall believes Bobby's demands stem from fear of losing. This challenges the protagonist's values and understanding of Bobby's mindset.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions from the audience, especially regarding Bobby Fischer's mental state and the outcome of the match.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is intense and reflects the characters' emotional states, but could be more impactful in some moments.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its intense dialogue, psychological depth, and high stakes, keeping the audience invested in the characters' motivations and actions.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the characters' dilemmas.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene's formatting adheres to the expected format for its genre, enhancing readability and clarity.

Structure: 9

The scene follows a structured format that effectively builds tension and reveals character dynamics, fitting the genre of a psychological drama.


Critique
  • The scene lacks a clear conflict or tension. Bobby and Marshall simply discuss Bobby's strange demands, and there is no resolution or development.
  • The dialogue is stilted and unnatural. The characters speak in a very formal and expository way, which makes the scene feel more like a narrated summary than a real conversation.
  • The pacing is slow and meandering. The scene could be significantly shortened without losing any important information.
  • The characters are not well-developed. We don't learn anything about their motivations or desires, and they come across as flat and one-dimensional.
  • The scene is not visually interesting. It takes place entirely in a single room, and there is no action or movement to keep the audience engaged.
Suggestions
  • Introduce a conflict or tension to the scene. For example, you could have Bobby and Marshall argue about whether or not to give in to Bobby's demands.
  • Revise the dialogue to make it more natural and conversational. Use contractions and colloquialisms, and vary the sentence structure.
  • Tighten the pacing by cutting out unnecessary dialogue and exposition. Get to the point of the scene as quickly as possible.
  • Develop the characters by giving them more depth and motivation. What do they want? What are their fears? What are their strengths and weaknesses?
  • Add some visual interest to the scene by changing the setting or adding some action or movement.



Scene 37 -  Bobby's Escape and Boris's Anxiety
174 EXT. GRANITE COUNTRY HOUSE (REPEATED SCENE) 174

We repeat the scene that opened the movie --

The granite house at dawn. The police car approaching.

175 INT. GRANITE COUNTRY HOUSE, BOBBY'S BEDROOM - DAWN 175

The scene continues where it left off:

MARSHALL
Bobby, please...get dressed, comb
your hair.

A long pause. Finally, Bobby looks up at Marshall.

BOBBY
Ping pong.

Marshall's face turns to stone.

MARSHALL
I will report your words to the
President of the United States. You
have betrayed your country. May you
rot in hell you crazy son of a bitch.

Marshall leaves. Bobby looks...almost content.

176 INT. SAGA HOTEL, BORIS'S ROOM - EARLY MORNING 176

Boris is pacing, playing six boards at once. He wears
pajamas. In his anxiety and fast movement he resembles Bobby.
Blue Revision 9-24-13 99.

BBC ANNOUNCER (V.O.)
The world chess championship looks
to be ending in humiliation for the
American, Bobby Fischer, whose demands
that the game be held in a store
room have led to widespread ridicule.

Boris checks his watch.

177 INT. GRANITE COUNTRY HOUSE, OUTSIDE BOBBY'S BEDROOM 177

Marshall holds a stack of telexes. He knocks.

MARSHALL
I have messages from a million people
all over the world who want you to
open this door.

Silence. Marshall kneels and shoves them under the door.

MARSHALL (CONT'D)
You still have two-and-a-half hours.

No reply. Marshall opens the door. Bobby is gone.

178 INT. SAGA HOTEL, BORIS'S ROOM 178

Boris prowls from chess game to chess game, he stops and
stares at the empty chair on the other side of the chessboard.

BORIS
I know exactly what game you are
playing and I will not let you win.

Boris begins to speak to the walls and the furniture.

BORIS (CONT'D)
I cannot win this way.
(to the room)
I know you are listening. You are
always listening.

He approaches the wardrobe and speaks with formality.

BORIS (CONT'D)
Mr Bubnov, Mr Geller, General
Secretary Brezhnev, I know your
listening devices can hear me.

He suddenly HURLS a chess table across the room.

BORIS (CONT'D)
I WILL NOT WIN THIS WAY...DO YOU
HEAR ME--!!
100.

After a moment, a KNOCK at the door. Boris half smiles to
himself. It is Geller, also in pajamas.

GELLER
Is everything okay?

BORIS
What makes you think it isn't?

GELLER (DEFENSIVE)
I heard you through the wall.

BORIS
I have made a decision... If I don't
beat him, he will escape from this
island in one piece.

Geller picks up the overturned table.

GELLER
It's not your fault the American is
insane...

BORIS
He is NOT insane!
(shakes his head)
If you think that, he has fooled you
the way he has fooled everyone else.

Boris begins to pace. His manic energy resembles Bobby's.

BORIS (CONT'D)
He knows if we play I will destroy
him. Crush him. So he uses madness
as an excuse to avoid the inevitable.
I will not let him slip from my grasp.
I have him pinned. I am two games
ahead.
(yells)
I HAVE HIM!

Boris starts to unbutton his pajama top.

BORIS (CONT'D)
Get a message to Fischer. Now. This
minute.

He tears his shirt off and throws it onto the bed.

BORIS (CONT'D)
I will play him in the ping pong
room. I will play him in the toilet
if he likes. He will not escape!

Boris stares at Geller with steely resolve.
Yellow Revision 10-11-13 101.

BORIS (CONT'D)
Tell him.
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary The scene opens with Marshall trying to get Bobby to cooperate, but Bobby remains unresponsive. Bobby disappears, causing Marshall to leave messages under his door. At the Saga Hotel, Boris becomes increasingly agitated and starts to speak to the listening devices in his room. Boris refuses to let Bobby escape and decides to play him in the ping pong room. The scene ends with a tense atmosphere as Boris prepares to face Bobby.
Strengths
  • Intense atmosphere
  • Complex characters
  • High stakes
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue may be too on-the-nose

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is gripping, filled with tension, and showcases the inner turmoil of the characters effectively.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a high-stakes chess match intertwined with psychological warfare and paranoia is intriguing and well-executed.

Plot: 9

The plot is engaging, with the conflict escalating and the stakes getting higher as the scene progresses.

Originality: 9

The scene showcases original situations and fresh approaches to character dynamics, particularly in the competitive and psychological aspects of the chess game. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds depth to the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed, with complex motivations and emotions driving their actions.

Character Changes: 8

Both characters undergo significant emotional changes, showcasing their vulnerabilities and strengths.

Internal Goal: 8

Bobby's internal goal in this scene is to assert his independence and defiance against authority figures, as seen in his nonchalant response to Marshall and his contentment after Marshall leaves.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to challenge and defeat his opponent in a game of chess, showcasing his competitive spirit and determination.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between the characters is intense and drives the scene forward, keeping the audience on edge.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting goals and motivations between the characters, creating obstacles and challenges that drive the conflict forward.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are incredibly high, both in terms of the chess match and the characters' mental well-being.

Story Forward: 9

The scene propels the story forward by setting up the climax of the chess match and the characters' internal struggles.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists in the characters' actions and decisions, keeping the audience on edge and unsure of the outcome.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the themes of power, control, and manipulation. Bobby and Boris both exhibit a desire to dominate and outsmart their opponents, reflecting their beliefs in their own abilities and strategies.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions from the audience, especially due to the characters' inner turmoil and high stakes.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is intense and reflects the characters' mental states and the escalating conflict effectively.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense dialogue, emotional conflict, and high-stakes competition between the characters, keeping the audience invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building suspense and tension through the characters' interactions and dialogue, maintaining a sense of urgency and momentum.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with proper scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with clear transitions between locations and characters, maintaining a cohesive narrative flow.


Critique
  • The dialogue is repetitive and does not move the scene forward.
  • The characters are one-dimensional and their motivations are unclear.
  • The scene lacks a clear conflict or resolution.
  • The pacing is slow and the scene drags on.
  • The scene is too long and could be shortened without losing any important information.
Suggestions
  • Rewrite the dialogue to make it more concise and engaging.
  • Develop the characters more and give them clear motivations.
  • Add a clear conflict to the scene and resolve it by the end.
  • Tighten the pacing of the scene and cut out any unnecessary dialogue or action.
  • Shorten the scene to make it more impactful.



Scene 38 -  Bobby Fischer's Ping Pong Match Against Boris Spassky: A Tense Encounter
179 EXT. ICELANDIC LANDSCAPE 179

An old bicycle on the ground. An Icelandic police car
approaches at speed. Marshall climbs out, cups his hands.

MARSHALL
Bobby!!!!

180 EXT. ICELANDIC MOORLAND 180

Bobby is tossing pebbles into the water. He hears Marshall.

181 EXT. ICELANDIC MOORLAND 181

Marshall is still yelling as Bobby appears over the hill.

MARSHALL
Bobby!! You won't believe it!
Spassky has agreed to play in the
ping pong room!

Bobby picks up the bicycle and Marshall fears the worst.

MARSHALL (CONT'D)
Where the hell are you going?

Bobby casually begins to cycle away down the empty road.

BOBBY
To the ping pong room.

182 INT. NATIONAL THEATER, CORRIDOR 182

Lombardy, Marshall, and Bobby are walking fast backstage.

MARSHALL
We've got two minutes.

183 OMIT 183

184 INT. NATIONAL THEATER, PING PONG ROOM 184

The ping pong table and drinks machine have been removed.
In the center is a simple table.

Geller, Nei, and Boris enter. Schmid checks his watch.

SCHMID
If he is even one minute late, I
will fine him.
Green Revision 10-14-13 102.

Then Bobby enters -- wearing a sharp suit. He immediately *
goes and sits down in his seat at the table. *

Schmid gestures to Marshall, Lombardy, Geller and Nei.

SCHMID (CONT'D)
Gentlemen...

He is asking them to leave. They do. *

SCHMID (CONT'D)
(to Bobby)
Perhaps you would be gracious enough
to thank Mr Spassky for acquiescing
to your demands.

BOBBY
I'm so grateful I'm going to let him
watch me play.

Spassky understands enough English to understand. He smiles.
Schmid points to a small camera in the corner.

SCHMID
Only one camera. It does not move.
It makes no sound. It will relay
pictures to TV sets in every corner
of the earth.
(a frozen smile)
So please, gentlemen, if can we
remember...the world is watching.

As Bobby looks around, a slow, satisfied SMILE begins to
soften his face as he revels in the stillness. It is quiet.
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary Marshall finds Bobby Fischer in the Icelandic moorland and informs him that Spassky has agreed to play ping pong in the National Theater's ping pong room. The group gathers, and Schmid asks the others to leave, leaving only Bobby and Spassky for their worldwide broadcasted match. The scene is tense and serious, with visual elements of Marshall's search and Bobby's casual bike ride, and key dialogue about the global significance of the event.
Strengths
  • Intense atmosphere
  • Well-developed characters
  • Engaging dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Some repetitive elements in Bobby Fischer's paranoia

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene is highly engaging, filled with tension, and sets up a pivotal moment in the story.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of Bobby Fischer's mental state affecting his performance in the chess match is well-executed and adds depth to the character.

Plot: 8

The plot advances significantly with Bobby's decision to play in the ping pong room and the tension surrounding the match with Spassky.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a unique setting and situation, with the ping pong match in the National Theater adding a fresh approach to a familiar competition. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 7

The characters, especially Bobby Fischer, Marshall, and Boris Spassky, are well-developed and their interactions drive the scene forward.

Character Changes: 7

Bobby Fischer experiences a shift in his mindset and determination during the scene.

Internal Goal: 8

Bobby's internal goal is to prove himself and showcase his talent in front of a global audience. This reflects his desire for recognition and validation.

External Goal: 7

Bobby's external goal is to successfully play against Spassky in the ping pong match and make a good impression. This reflects the immediate challenge he is facing in the scene.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between Bobby Fischer's mental state and the high-stakes chess match creates intense drama.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Bobby facing pressure from Schmid and the global audience as he prepares for the match.

High Stakes: 9

The high stakes of the chess match and Bobby Fischer's mental state raise the tension and importance of the scene.

Story Forward: 9

The scene propels the story forward by setting up a crucial moment in the chess match and highlighting Bobby Fischer's internal struggles.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of Bobby's unexpected actions and the tension surrounding the ping pong match.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene is the tension between individual talent and global scrutiny. Bobby's desire to showcase his skills clashes with the pressure of being watched by the world.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes fear, tension, and excitement, drawing the audience into Bobby Fischer's world.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is tense and reflects the characters' emotions and motivations effectively.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the high stakes, sharp dialogue, and anticipation leading up to the ping pong match.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension and maintaining a sense of urgency as the characters prepare for the match.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings and descriptions that enhance the visual storytelling.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with clear transitions between locations and a buildup of tension towards the ping pong match.


Critique
  • The first two sentences of the scene establish the physical setting but do not tell us anything substantive about the characters or their objectives.
  • The third and fourth sentences introduce Marshall and Bobby, but we don't know what their relationship is or why they are talking about ping pong.
  • The fifth and sixth sentences introduce the setting of the ping pong room, but again, we don't know what the characters are doing there or why it's significant.
  • The seventh and eighth sentences introduce Schmid, Geller, Nei, and Boris, but again, we don't know who they are or why they're relevant to the scene.
  • The ninth and tenth sentences have Schmid asking the others to leave, but we don't know why or what will happen next.
  • The eleventh and twelfth sentences have Schmid addressing Bobby and telling him about the camera, but we don't know what the significance of the camera is or why Bobby should be grateful.
  • The thirteenth and fourteenth sentences have Bobby looking around and smiling, but we don't know why he's smiling or what it means.
  • The scene ends with Boris staring at Geller with steely resolve, but we don't know what this means or what will happen next.
Suggestions
  • The first two sentences could be cut to focus on the characters and their objectives.
  • The third and fourth sentences could be rewritten to introduce Bobby and Marshall as the main characters and to establish their relationship as coach and player.
  • The fifth and sixth sentences could be rewritten to provide more context about the ping pong room and its significance.
  • The seventh and eighth sentences could be rewritten to introduce Schmid, Geller, Nei, and Boris as the other players in the ping pong tournament.
  • The ninth and tenth sentences could be rewritten to make it clear that Schmid is asking the others to leave because it's time for the tournament to start.
  • The eleventh and twelfth sentences could be rewritten to make it clear that the camera is there to broadcast the tournament to the world.
  • The thirteenth and fourteenth sentences could be rewritten to focus on Bobby's determination to win the tournament.
  • The scene could end with Bobby and Boris facing off at the ping pong table, ready to begin the tournament.



Scene 39 -  Bobby Fischer's Unconventional Win
A185 INT. VIEWING GALLERY A185

Lombardy turns to Marshall.

LOMBARDY
...Did Nixon really call you?

MARSHALL
(an inscrutable smile)
Game's starting...

B185 INT. PING PONG ROOM B185

Bobby reaches out to make his first move. D4.

Caption: Game Three

Boris reacts to the move, looks up at Bobby, unsettled. *
Green Revision 10-14-13 102A.

185 INT. NATIONAL THEATER, VIEWING GALLERY 185

Nei and Geller are stupefied.

NEI
What is he doing? He's never played
this opening before.

Marshall sees their reaction. *

MARSHALL *
What's happening? *

LOMBARDY *
He's playing the Benoni. Black. *
Two games behind. It's suicide. *

*
Green Revision 10-14-13 103.

186 IN THE PING PONG ROOM 186*

Spassky moves: Pawn to Q5. Bobby captures: Pawn takes Pawn.
Spassky counters. Pawn takes Pawn.

187 IN THE VIEWING GALLERY 187

Bobby plays Pawn to Q3. Spassky responds Knight to B3.

MARSHALL
He's giving him the center of the
board...

LOMBARDY
(to himself)
Oh, Bobby...

188 INT. BROOKLYN DINER 188

A hand-written sign reads...'Bobby Fischer sat here, 1961'.

The crowd watches a grainy image of Bobby and Boris on TV.
Bobby makes a move. The crowd cheers. A voice from the back.

CUSTOMER
What the hell are we cheering? We
don't know if it's good or bad.

The crowd all turn and hush him.

189 TIME CUT -- THE PING PONG ROOM 189

Bobby and Boris exchange pieces -- a Rook for a Bishop.

Then Bobby does the unthinkable -- he exposes his Queen.

190 IN THE VIEWING GALLERY 190

Marshall is speechless. Lombardy is incredulous and bemused.

MARSHALL
What the hell--?

Geller and Nei look on, hungrily.

GELLER
Take it, Boris. Take it.

191 IN THE PING PONG ROOM 191

Spassky is clearly unnerved. He senses a trap but cannot
see it. Bobby's queen sits exposed -- his for the taking.
104.

He looks up at Bobby, who smiles inscrutably.

Finally, Boris cannot resist. He takes the queen.

192 IN THE VIEWING GALLERY 192

NEI
YES!

193 IN THE PING PONG ROOM 193

Bobby immediately counters -- taking Spassky's Bishop. This
precipitates A BLOODBATH: piece after piece is taken in a
vicious chess version of a knife fight.

Finally, the smoke clears and both men study the carnage.

194 INT. 'FOUR CONTINENTS' RUSSIAN BOOK STORE -- BROOKLYN 194

The clerk and her husband are glued to the TV.

BOOKSTORE CLERK
A draw.

195 IN THE VIEWING GALLERY 195

GELLER
A draw is good. We are ahead.

196 IN THE PING PONG ROOM - MOMENTS LATER 196

Spassky studies the board. Looks up at Bobby.

BORIS
(in English)
You accept a draw?

Bobby slowly shakes his head. No draw.

Slowly, almost sadistically, he reaches out and makes a move.

Spassky goes white.

197 IN THE VIEWING GALLERY 197

They watch as Spassky makes a move -- which Bobby immediately
counters. Another move. Another counter. Bobby is now
bullying Spassky across the board.

Geller and Nei are becoming increasingly upset.

198 IN THE PING PONG ROOM 198

Spassky studies the looming endgame, his face withering.
Green Revision 10-14-13 105.

199 INT. 'FOUR CONTINENTS' RUSSIAN BOOKSTORE - BROOKLYN 199

BOOKSTORE OWNER
It seems the strange little boy has
done it.

200 IN THE VIEWING GALLERY 200

Lombardy looks over at Geller and Nei, smiles sweetly.

LOMBARDY
He hates draws.

201 IN THE PING PONG ROOM 201

After an agonizing moment, Spassky knocks over his King.

The SCOREBOARD changes to: Spassky 2 Fischer 1.

202 EXT. TIMES SQUARE (ARCHIVAL FOOTAGE W/VFX) 202

The electronic newsboard announces "BOBBY FISCHER WINS GAME
THREE." Taxis HONK. *

RADIO COMMENTATOR (O.S.)
-- the first time Fischer has ever
won a game from Spassky.

203 INT. COUNTRY HOUSE - NIGHT 203

Lombardy is asleep when he HEARS a strange SOUND and sits up
in bed. He checks his watch. It's 3:30 am.

He walks down the hall. A light SPILLS from under Bobby's
door. From inside, the SOUND is much clearer now:

SLAP. SLAP. SLAP.

Bobby has been up all night playing chess alone.
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In this tense and suspenseful scene, Bobby Fischer plays an unconventional move in his chess match against Boris Spassky, unsettling his opponent and the crowd. The game progresses with Fischer dominating the board, eventually winning the match. The main conflict lies in the chess match, with Fischer's unconventional moves creating tension and uncertainty. The scene is resolved when Fischer wins the game, and Spassky concedes. Significant visual elements include the chessboard, the players' facial expressions, and the crowd's reactions. The scene ends with Fischer's win announced on a newsboard in Times Square, and the crowd cheering.
Strengths
  • Intense and suspenseful atmosphere
  • Well-developed characters
  • High stakes and emotional depth
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue could be more impactful
  • Pacing may be too slow in some parts

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is highly engaging, filled with tension, conflict, and emotional depth, making it a standout moment in the screenplay.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a high-stakes chess match between two brilliant players is executed with skill and intensity.

Plot: 9

The plot is driven by the intense chess match and the psychological battle between Fischer and Spassky, keeping the audience on the edge of their seats.

Originality: 9

The scene is original in its portrayal of a high-stakes chess match, with fresh approaches to depicting the psychological and strategic elements of the game. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters of Fischer and Spassky are well-developed and their personalities shine through in their gameplay and interactions.

Character Changes: 7

Both Fischer and Spassky undergo changes in their strategies and emotions during the match, showcasing their growth and development.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to outwit his opponent and prove his skill and intelligence in the game of chess. This reflects his desire for recognition, validation, and success.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to win the chess match against Boris Spassky. This reflects the immediate challenge he is facing in the game and the pressure to perform at his best.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between Fischer and Spassky, both on and off the chessboard, is intense and drives the scene forward.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist facing a formidable opponent and internal challenges that add complexity to the conflict.

High Stakes: 10

The high stakes of the chess match, both personally and professionally, add a sense of urgency and importance to the scene.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by showcasing the pivotal chess match and its implications for the characters and the plot.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected moves and strategies employed by the protagonist, keeping the audience on edge.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict is between the protagonist's unconventional and risky playing style against the traditional and cautious approach of his opponent. This challenges the protagonist's belief in taking bold risks to achieve victory.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from tension and anxiety to excitement and anticipation, keeping the audience emotionally invested.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is focused on the chess match and the tension between the characters, adding to the overall suspense of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the high stakes, intense competition, and the psychological depth of the characters involved.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, building tension and suspense effectively leading to a climactic resolution.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene follows the expected format for a screenplay, with clear scene headings, dialogue, and action descriptions.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for a tense and dramatic sports competition, with a clear progression of events leading to a climactic moment.


Critique
  • Your scene has potential but needs some additional development and context to make it more impactful.
  • The dialogue is a bit stilted and unnatural, it is unclear what the characters' objectives are, and the scene lacks a clear emotional throughline.
  • The scene seems to focus on describing the action, rather than developing the characters or plot.
  • Consider creating a stronger sense of tension or conflict, perhaps by adding a ticking clock or some other external pressure on the characters.
  • The scene could benefit from more character development, specifically for Bobby and Marshall.
Suggestions
  • Start by clearly establishing the setting, the characters' relationships, and their motivations.
  • Use strong verbs and vivid language to create a sense of atmosphere and tension.
  • Consider adding more dialogue to flesh out the characters and their dynamics.
  • Give the characters clear goals and obstacles to create a sense of conflict and urgency.
  • End the scene with a sense of closure or a hook to leave the reader wanting more.



Scene 40 -  Chess Match Chaos: Fischer Wins as Spassky Falls Prey to Paranoia
204 INT. SANTA MONICA MOTEL, OFFICE 204

The Motel clerk and Donna stare at his TV screen.

Caption: Game Four

A businessman enters. The Motel clerk is totally engrossed.

BUSINESSMAN
Excuse me.

MOTEL CLERK
(to Donna)
Spassky took Bobby's Bishop.
Yellow Revision 10-11-13 105A.

DONNA
So what? I took his virginity.
Yellow Revision 10-11-13 106.

CLERK
Wait, wait... Bobby's making a move.

CUSTOMER
Excuse me...They drew game four last
night.

CLERK
We know, asshole. We're watching the
re-run.

The SCOREBOARD now reads: Spassky 2 1/2 Fischer 1 1/2

205 EXT. COUNTRY HOUSE - NIGHT 205

The middle of the night again. A SINGLE LIGHT burns in the
upper window we know to be Bobby's.

And we HEAR a faint but now familiar sound...

SLAP. SLAP. SLAP.

206 INT. NATIONAL THEATER, PING PONG ROOM - NEXT DAY 206

Bobby and Boris take their seats.

Caption: Game Five

207 INT. MOSCOW APARTMENT - DAY 207

Cigarette smoke swirls. We reveal Regina watching, smoking.
On her black-and-white TV, Boris stands and begin to pace.

208 INT. NATIONAL THEATER, PING PONG ROOM - SAME 208

Boris wanders the tiny room, unnerved. He meets Bobby's
stare -- as if the two are alone in a prison cell.

Boris sits down without taking his eyes from Bobby. Bobby is
implacable now, totally focused.

Boris turns to Schmid, who is dozing in his chair.

BORIS
Excuse me.
(Schmid stirs)
There is something coming from my
chair.

SCHMID
Your chair?

BORIS
It is a vibration.
Yellow Revision 10-11-13 107.

SCHMID
A what?

209 INT. NATIONAL THEATER, VIEWING GALLERY 209

Geller and Nei huddle in front of a black and white monitor.
On the screen, Boris is on his knees, examining his chair.

GELLER
What the hell is he doing? Praying?

Nei glances over at Lombardy, who looks up with a smile as
if to say, 'Welcome to my life."

210 INT. NATIONAL THEATER, PING PONG ROOM 210

Boris is kneeling, examining the steel tube legs of his chair.

BORIS
A sound of some kind -- maybe high
frequency, I don't know...it is
affecting my concentration...

Boris glances at Bobby, who is staring at him impassively.

BOBBY
Buzz, buzz.

A211 INT. NATIONAL THEATER A211

SCHMID
Game 5 goes to Mr. Bobby Fischer.

The SCOREBOARD changes to: Spassky 2 1/2 Fischer 2 1/2

Cheers now for Bobby.

211 INT. NATIONAL THEATER, BACK STAGE, CORRIDOR 211

Boris marches away in a fury, his entourage in pursuit.

BORIS
...It is coming from the chair!

Geller and Nei don't know how to respond.

BORIS (CONT'D)
It was making a SOUND...!

Boris sees their skepticism.

BORIS (CONT'D)
Have you never heard of Watergate?
You know what the CIA is capable of?
(MORE)
Yellow Revision 10-11-13 107A.

BORIS (CONT'D)
(stomps off)
I want this chair X-rayed!
Yellow Revision 10-11-13 108.

212 INT. REYKJAVIK HOSPITAL, X-RAY ROOM, LIGHT BOX 212

Boris studies the x-rays while Livo Nei studies Boris.

BORIS
Do not let them swap it. Do not let
this chair out of your sight.

Boris storms out. Geller whispers to Nei.

GELLER
The American son of a bitch has driven
us all crazy.

213 OMIT 213

214 EXT. GRANITE COUNTRY HOUSE - NIGHT 214

Not quite dawn. A single light burns in the upper bedroom
and we know it is Bobby, having been awake all night.

215 INT. GRANITE COUNTRY HOUSE, BOBBY'S BEDROOM 215

The clock reads 4:00am. Bobby sits in a chair, staring into
space. On the table before him is an unfinished chess game.

Lombardy knocks and enters.

LOMBARDY
Bobby?

Bobby doesn't even hear him.

LOMBARDY (CONT'D)
(louder)
...BOBBY?

Bobby is in some half-awake fugue state. He looks up. For
a moment it's as if he doesn't recognize Lombardy.

LOMBARDY (CONT'D)
Can I get you anything?

A hint of recognition comes into Bobby's eyes.

BOBBY
No. Thanks.

LOMBARDY
It'll be light soon.

BOBBY
It's never dark here.
Green Revision 10-14-13 109.

LOMBARDY
...Do you want to talk about
tomorrow's game?

No answer. Bobby just stares out the window.

LOMBARDY (CONT'D)
Bobby, I just want to tell you...that
the chess you've been playing...is...
inspiring. My whole life, I--

Lombardy stops himself. Bobby isn't listening; he's far
away. When at last he speaks, his voice is lifeless, *
expressionless with exhaustion. *

BOBBY
I used to wish I was born deaf...

Lombardy doesn't know what to say. Bobby's eyes are far
away. He has wanted and dreaded this moment his whole life.

BOBBY (CONT'D)
It's funny... at the beginning of a
game there are so many options...
and at the end....there's only one.

He is talking about more than chess.

BOBBY (CONT'D)
I want to go back to the main hall.

LOMBARDY
You're kidding.

BOBBY
But nobody in the first seven rows.

LOMBARDY
Are you sure?

BOBBY
It's okay. The noises have stopped.
Nothing gets through.

Lombardy doesn't know why but he is near tears. There's
something so forlorn about Bobby at this moment.
Yellow Revision 10-11-13 109A.

BOBBY (CONT'D)
It's like there's no one there
anymore.
(a long moment)
Not even me.

He goes back to staring out the window. Lombardy stands
there, not knowing what to say or do.

Finally he walks over, takes a pen from inside his jacket
and puts it in Bobby's pocket, then backs out of the room.
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary This scene depicts the chess match between Bobby Fischer and Boris Spassky from multiple perspectives, including the motel clerk, Donna, and various onlookers. The main conflict arises when Spassky becomes distracted by a perceived vibration in his chair during game five, leading to his loss. Spassky's subsequent paranoia and demand for an X-ray of the chair add to the tense and suspenseful atmosphere. Meanwhile, Fischer is seen practicing late at night, ultimately taking advantage of Spassky's distraction to win the game. The scene ends with Spassky storming out in anger.
Strengths
  • Deep character exploration
  • Emotional depth
  • Tension-building atmosphere
Weaknesses
  • Some repetitive dialogue
  • Slow pacing in certain moments

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is emotionally charged, with a deep exploration of Bobby Fischer's character and his internal struggles. It sets up a tense atmosphere and builds anticipation for the upcoming chess match.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of delving into Bobby Fischer's psyche and his battle with distractions adds depth to the scene. It effectively portrays the mental toll of high-stakes competition and the pressure of performance.

Plot: 8

The plot focuses on Bobby Fischer's mental state and preparation for a crucial chess match, setting the stage for the climax of the story. It advances the narrative by highlighting Bobby's inner turmoil and the challenges he faces.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh approach to the competitive world of chess, highlighting the psychological and emotional toll of high-stakes matches. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The scene provides a deep insight into Bobby Fischer's character, showcasing his vulnerability, paranoia, and emotional struggles. Lombardy's concern and attempts to connect with Bobby also add depth to the character dynamics.

Character Changes: 8

Bobby Fischer undergoes a subtle change in the scene, moving from a state of detachment and paranoia to a moment of realization and acceptance. His vulnerability and emotional journey add depth to his character.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to maintain his focus and composure despite external distractions and pressures. This reflects his deeper need for control and clarity in a situation where the stakes are high.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to win the chess match against Boris Spassky. This goal reflects the immediate challenge he is facing and the competitive nature of the scene.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict in the scene is primarily internal, focusing on Bobby Fischer's mental and emotional struggles. His battle with distractions and paranoia creates tension and sets the stage for the upcoming chess match.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with external pressures and internal conflicts creating obstacles for the protagonist to overcome.

High Stakes: 8

The high stakes of the chess match and Bobby Fischer's mental state heighten the tension and drama in the scene. The outcome of the match holds significant consequences for the characters involved, increasing the stakes.

Story Forward: 7

The scene sets the stage for the crucial chess match and Bobby Fischer's internal struggle, moving the narrative forward towards the climax. It deepens the character development and builds anticipation for the resolution.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected twists and turns in the characters' actions and dialogue.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the themes of control, paranoia, and trust. Boris's belief in external interference challenges Bobby's belief in his own abilities and the integrity of the game.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes a strong emotional response from the audience, portraying Bobby Fischer's vulnerability and isolation effectively. It creates a sense of empathy and connection with the character, enhancing the overall impact.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue effectively conveys Bobby Fischer's internal struggles and his detached state of mind. It captures the tension and emotional weight of the scene, enhancing the character development and atmosphere.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense character dynamics, high stakes, and emotional depth.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension and suspense leading up to the resolution of the chess match.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and concise, following the expected format for its genre.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, building tension and conflict leading up to the resolution of the chess match.


Critique
  • The scene lacks a clear purpose or direction. It begins with the Motel clerk and Donna watching a rerun of Game Four, but it quickly shifts to Bobby's restless night, Boris's pacing in the National Theater, and Bobby's insistence on playing in an empty room.
  • Many characters are introduced in a disjointed manner. Boris, Geller, Nei, and Schmid appear without clear introductions or context, making it difficult for readers to understand their roles and motivations.
  • The dialogue is often repetitive and uninformative. For example, Boris repeatedly complains about a vibration in his chair, and Bobby makes cryptic comments about being deaf and the game having only one option at the end.
  • The scene suffers from a lack of focus and clarity. It jumps between different locations and characters without providing a smooth transition or coherent narrative flow.
  • The scene lacks emotional depth. Despite the high-stakes nature of the chess match, the characters' emotions are underdeveloped and fail to resonate with the reader.
Suggestions
  • Establish a clear purpose or goal for the scene to provide direction and focus.
  • Introduce characters gradually and provide necessary context to help readers understand their roles and motivations.
  • Refine the dialogue to make it more informative and engaging, avoiding repetitive or cryptic lines.
  • Smooth the transitions between different locations and characters to create a more coherent narrative flow.
  • Explore the emotional stakes of the chess match and allow the characters' emotions to drive the scene, making it more relatable and impactful.



Scene 41 -  Bobby Fischer's Unconventional Victory: Game Six of the Fischer-Spassky Chess Championship
216 INT. NATIONAL THEATER, MAIN STAGE 216

Applause as Bobby and Boris return to the main stage.
Green Revision 10-14-13 110.

Bobby sits, stares at the board. Continues to stare at it.

Slowly -- almost imperceptibly at first -- the room begins
to FADE around him -- just as in his childhood bedroom.

The walls, the camera, eventually even Spassky DISAPPEARS.
Until it is only Bobby and the chessboard -- which begins to
GLOW as the lines of infinite possibility present themselves.

Bobby makes his move and SLAPS his clock. Boris examines
Bobby's move with more than a little confusion. He looks up
and sees no expression on Bobby's face.

Bobby is in the zone. He has reached some kind of absence
in which there are only moves -- and Spassky knows it.

Caption: Game Six.

Boris studies the board again, then quickly looks back up at
Bobby with disbelief, then back to the board.

217 INT. NATIONAL THEATER LOBBY 217

An ABC commentator is listening to the feed on his headset. *

ABC COMMENTATOR *
Don't use jargon... In plain English
just tell me what he's doing? The
people here say he's playing like a
wild man. Could you ask our chess
guy exactly what Fischer is doing?

The anchor reacts to a lost signal. He looks to his producer.

ABC COMMENTATOR (CONT'D) *
Lost the feed.... I need someone to
tell me what the fuck is happening...

218 INT. NATIONAL THEATER, VIEWING GALLERY 218

Lombardy is watching as if in the midst of a religious
experience.

MARSHALL
...What is he doing?

LOMBARDY
There are no names for it. Yet.

The Soviets are equally speechless.
Yellow Revision 10-11-13 111.

219 INT. NATIONAL THEATER 219

Spassky finally summons up the will to make another move.
Without any hesitation, Bobby POUNCES -- like a panther.

A collective GASP from the audience.

Spassky stares at the move. His world is falling apart.

220 INT. BROOKLYN CHESS CLUB 220

Carmine and the others watch in wonder.

221 INT. NATIONAL THEATER, VIEWING GALLERY 221

MARSHALL
What the hell was that?

LOMBARDY
...It is beyond my ability to explain
or understand.

Across the gallery we catch Livo Nei's awestruck expression.

222 INT. NATIONAL THEATER 222

Absolute silence.

Bobby is going for the kill, crushing the fly. Serene.

He makes his move.

Boris blinks once. He looks up at Bobby. Bobby's eyes are
still, his mind empty. A flicker of incomprehension crosses
Boris's face. Then he half smiles as he realizes he is beaten.

He KNOCKS over his King with a flick of his finger.

It falls in SLOW-MOTION -- like a building being demolished.

223 OMITTED 223

224 INT. NATIONAL THEATER, VIEWING GALLERY 224

Marshall applauds wildly.

Nei gets to his feet too and applauds. Geller glares at him.

Lombardy applauds, filled with emotion.

225 INT. JOAN'S LIVING ROOM 225

She and her kids are jumping up and down, clapping.
Green Revision 10-14-13 112.

226 INT. MOSCOW APARTMENT 226

Regina fights back tears.

227 INT. BROOKLYN CHESS CLUB 227

The chess players are going wild.

228 EXT. TIMES SQUARE (ARCHIVAL FOOTAGE) 228

Cars HONK, pedestrians CHEER.

229 INT. NATIONAL THEATER 229

Silence.

Then...Boris gets to his feet and begins to applaud.

Bobby is at first confused, then astonished.

230 INT. NATIONAL THEATER 230

For one last, delicious second, Bobby is in the safe, quiet,
zone. Then a WAVE of SOUND hits as THE AUDIENCE APPLAUDS.

Bobby CRINGES, then slumps in his chair like a puppet with
its strings cut. The crowd applauds even more as they see
Boris acknowledging the beauty of the game Bobby just played.

ABC COMMENTATOR *
Bobby Fischer has just won game six
and his opponent Boris Spassky is
actually on his feet, applauding.

People applaud wildly; the anchor has to raise his voice...

ABC COMMENTATOR (CONT'D) *
Grandmasters never, ever applaud an
opponent's victory. But I guess
this is something--
(re at cheering crowd)
--no one has ever seen before.

231 OMIT 231
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In this intense scene, Bobby Fischer plays chess against Boris Spassky in game six of their championship match. Fischer's unconventional moves leave commentators, opponents, and the audience in awe, ultimately leading to Spassky's defeat. The scene takes place in various locations, with onlookers observing and reacting to Fischer's extraordinary play. The tone is one of tension, excitement, and disbelief, as Fischer's exceptional play captivates and confounds those watching. The scene ends with Spassky conceding the game and the audience erupting in applause, acknowledging Fischer's victory.
Strengths
  • Intense atmosphere
  • Visual storytelling
  • Emotional depth
  • Skillful characterization
Weaknesses
  • Minimal dialogue
  • Limited character interaction

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is highly engaging, with a perfect blend of tension, emotion, and skillful storytelling. The visual representation of Bobby's mental state and the reactions of the characters elevate the scene to a compelling and memorable moment.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of showcasing Bobby Fischer's exceptional chess skills and mental state during a crucial match is executed brilliantly. The visual representation of his focus and strategic thinking adds a unique element to the scene.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene revolves around Bobby Fischer's intense chess match with Boris Spassky, highlighting Fischer's exceptional skills and mental state. The unexpected turn of events and the reactions of the characters drive the plot forward effectively.

Originality: 9

The scene showcases originality through the intense focus on the mental aspects of the chess match, as well as the unique reactions of the characters to Bobby's strategic moves. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 7

The characters in the scene, especially Bobby Fischer and Boris Spassky, are well-portrayed in their reactions to the unfolding events. Their emotions and reactions add depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 7

Bobby Fischer undergoes a significant change in his mental state and confidence throughout the scene, from initial anxiety to intense focus and triumph. This character development adds depth to the narrative.

Internal Goal: 8

Bobby's internal goal is to reach a state of complete focus and clarity, where he is in 'the zone' and can see only the moves in front of him. This reflects his need for validation and success in the chess world, as well as his desire to prove himself against a formidable opponent like Spassky.

External Goal: 7

Bobby's external goal is to win the chess match against Spassky, showcasing his strategic prowess and mental acuity in the game.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict in the scene is internal, as Bobby Fischer battles with his own mind and the pressure of the match. The tension is palpable as he navigates the game against Boris Spassky.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Spassky's disbelief and confusion creating a challenging obstacle for Bobby to overcome in the chess match.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in the scene, as Bobby Fischer faces a crucial moment in the chess match that could determine the outcome of the championship. The pressure and intensity are palpable.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by showcasing Bobby Fischer's pivotal moment in the chess match against Boris Spassky. It sets the stage for further developments in the narrative.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected reactions of the characters to Bobby's strategic moves, adding to the suspense and tension of the scene.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between Bobby's intense focus and Spassky's disbelief and confusion. It challenges Bobby's belief in his own abilities and the impact of his strategic moves on his opponent.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking feelings of tension, admiration, and awe. The audience is drawn into Bobby Fischer's mental state and the intensity of the match.

Dialogue: 6

The dialogue in the scene is minimal but impactful, conveying the tension and emotions of the characters effectively. The focus is more on the visual and non-verbal communication.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the intense focus on the characters' actions and the high stakes of the chess match, keeping the audience on the edge of their seats.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the outcome of the chess match.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene follows the expected format for a screenplay, with clear scene descriptions and character actions.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, following the expected format for a high-stakes competition scene in a screenplay.


Critique
  • This scene is a powerful and moving conclusion to the film, but it could be improved by adding more detail to the description of the chess match. The narrator's commentary is helpful, but it would be more engaging if the reader could see the match through Bobby's eyes.
  • The scene could also benefit from more dialogue between Bobby and Boris Spassky. This would help to build tension and make the match more exciting. The dialogue could also be used to explore the characters' motivations and emotions.
  • The scene would be stronger if it had a clearer ending. The current ending is abrupt and leaves the reader feeling unsatisfied. A more satisfying ending would provide a sense of closure and leave the reader with a lasting impression of the match.
  • Consider adding more descriptive language to the scene. The current language is functional, but it could be more evocative and immersive. For example, instead of saying "Bobby sat, stares at the board," you could say "Bobby sat, his eyes fixed on the board, his mind racing." This would help to create a more vivid picture of the scene in the reader's mind.
Suggestions
  • Add more detail to the description of the chess match. Describe the moves that Bobby and Spassky make, and explain how they affect the game. You could also include commentary from experts on the game, or from the characters themselves.
  • Add more dialogue between Bobby and Boris Spassky. This dialogue could focus on the game itself, or on the characters' motivations and emotions.
  • Give the scene a clearer ending. This could involve showing the outcome of the match, or providing a sense of closure for the characters. You could also end the scene with a reflection on the match and its significance.
  • Use more descriptive language to create a more vivid and immersive scene.



Scene 42 -  Bobby Fischer's Surreal Victory: From Triumph to Alienation
232 INT. NATIONAL THEATER 232

The crowd ERUPTS as Bobby emerges and heads down the stairs.
A mass of humanity SURGES forward -- crowding him, touching
him -- everybody wants a piece of him.

We SENSE Bobby's panic. The SCREAMS, the FLASHBULBS, the
faces, the hands reaching for him. It's all too much.
113.

Then a face in the crowd -- it's Regina! -- But it can't
be. She's in Moscow. Bobby looks again but she's gone.

BOBBY
Mom!

He frantically looks around. Then another face -- Joan! Of
course she, too, couldn't possibly be there.

BOBBY (CONT'D)
Joanie!

And then....is that Uncle Paul? No, that's impossible.
Marshall and a couple of his guys usher him into a limo.

233 INT. LIMO - CONTINUOUS 233

Bobby sits in the back as the limo moves slowly through the
crowd. Fans POUND on the glass but he looks straight ahead.

Over this a caption:

Bobby Fischer went on to beat Boris Spassky 12 1/2 - 8 1/2.

234 EXT. LIMO - CONTINUOUS 234

The Limo makes it way through the cheering crowd.

Suddenly, amidst the crowd, Bobby catches a glimpse of THE
TELEPHOTO MAN -- who has spied on him since he was a child.
He leans back out of sight.

He never tried to defend his title and no other American has
ever become world champion.

235 EXT. WASHINGTON PARK, WINTER BLIZZARD 235

The cheering is replaced by the sound of a howling wind.

Bobby walks alone in the snow-blasted park. He stops at one
of the chess tables and wipes away snow with his sleeve.

His descent into insanity was swift and permanent.

He stares at the empty squares.

236 INTERVIEW SOUNDBITE 236

BOBBY (V.O.)
-- It's a worldwide Jewish conspiracy--
Mossad, the defense industry and the
media. Secret government projects
using micowaves to monitor our brains.
Green Revision 10-14-13 114.

Alienating the world with his bizarre behavior, his US *
passport was revoked and he lived in exile, eventually
becoming homeless.

237 INTERVIEW SOUNDBITE 237

BOBBY (V.O.)
9-11, man. Wonderful news. Time
for the fucking U.S. to get their
heads kicked in. Shows you that
what goes around, comes around...

238 WASHINGTON SQUARE PARK 238

Bobby stands up from the table and slowly walks off into the
blizzard...until he disappears...and all that we see is:

A WHITE SCREEN that RESOLVES INTO:

239 SLOW-MOTION MOCK-ARCHIVAL FOOTAGE (HIGH SCHOOL GYM) 239

Bobby at the height of his power, playing 20 boards at a
time, his movements graceful, passionate, full of life.

Bobby Fischer died in 2008 and was buried in Reykjavik,
Iceland, the site of his remarkable triumph.

240 INTERVIEW SOUNDBITE 240

A smiling Bobby sits on a bench in Washington Square.

BOBBY
Chess and me, we're pretty
intertwined. I don't really have
much else in my life right now.
Maybe someday I'll spread out a
little. For now, though, I'd like
to be world champion--
(a slow smile)
--And then keep it for, say, twenty
years. Yeah.

CLOSE on Bobby as a big grin spreads across his face.

FADE OUT.
Genres: ["Drama","Biography"]

Summary Bobby Fischer wins the world chess championship, causing a frenzy at the National Theater. He is haunted by hallucinations of his family and sees the telephoto man who has been spying on him. The scene ends with Bobby isolated in a snow-blasted park, accompanied by his bizarre beliefs and alienation from the world, as depicted in interview soundbites and visuals of his past triumphs.
Strengths
  • Deep exploration of character emotions
  • Compelling portrayal of mental illness and paranoia
  • Strong emotional impact
Weaknesses
  • Some elements may be too intense for sensitive viewers

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively captures the intense emotions and inner turmoil of Bobby Fischer, leading to a compelling and impactful narrative.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring Bobby Fischer's mental decline, conspiracy theories, and exile is intriguing and well-executed.

Plot: 7

The plot effectively showcases Bobby Fischer's struggles and descent into madness, leading to a poignant and tragic conclusion.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh perspective on Bobby Fischer's life, delving into his mental health struggles and paranoia in a compelling and authentic way.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters, especially Bobby Fischer, are well-developed and their inner conflicts are portrayed with depth and authenticity.

Character Changes: 8

Bobby Fischer undergoes a significant character change, descending into madness and paranoia, which is a central focus of the scene.

Internal Goal: 8

Bobby's internal goal in this scene is to find a sense of connection and familiarity in the midst of chaos. He is searching for his family members in the crowd, even though he knows they couldn't possibly be there.

External Goal: 7

Bobby's external goal is to navigate through the crowd and reach the safety of the limo. He is also dealing with the pressure of his upcoming chess match.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The internal conflicts within Bobby Fischer and the external pressures he faces create a compelling level of conflict in the scene.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene comes from Bobby's internal struggles and the overwhelming crowd, creating a sense of conflict and urgency.

High Stakes: 7

The high stakes are evident in Bobby Fischer's internal struggles, conspiracy theories, and eventual exile, adding tension and urgency to the scene.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by depicting Bobby Fischer's mental decline and eventual exile, advancing the narrative towards its conclusion.

Unpredictability: 7

The scene is somewhat predictable in terms of Bobby's internal and external goals, but the philosophical conflict adds an element of unpredictability.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around Bobby's sense of reality and delusion. He sees familiar faces in the crowd, despite knowing they are not actually there, reflecting his struggle with mental health and paranoia.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions of empathy, sadness, and unease, leaving a lasting impact on the audience.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue effectively conveys the characters' emotions and inner turmoil, adding depth to the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its intense emotional conflict, vivid descriptions, and Bobby's internal struggle with reality.

Pacing: 8

The pacing effectively builds tension and suspense, drawing the audience into Bobby's emotional turmoil.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting adheres to industry standards, effectively conveying the chaotic and overwhelming atmosphere of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a traditional structure for a dramatic moment, building tension and emotional stakes effectively.


Critique
  • The scene is very long and could be shortened to make it more impactful.
  • The dialogue is a bit repetitive and could be more varied.
  • The action could be more dynamic and less static.
  • The ending is a bit abrupt and could be more satisfying.
Suggestions
  • Cut some of the dialogue and action to make the scene more concise.
  • Vary the dialogue to make it more interesting.
  • Add more dynamic action to the scene, such as a chase or a fight.
  • Give the scene a more satisfying ending, such as a resolution to the conflict.