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Scene 1 -  An Uneasy Flight and Late Night Work
INT. 747 - PASSENGERS - SAME 2
The usual moment just after landing when you let out that
sigh of relief that you've made it in one piece.
ON JOHN MCCLANE 3
mid-thirties, good-looking, athletic and tired from his trip.
He sits by the window. His relief on landing is subtle but
we notice. Suddenly, he hears a voice next to him.
MAN'S VOICE
(o.s.)
J^W!fc'"S Don't fly much do you?
McClane looks over at a grinning middle-aged BUSINESSMAN
sitting next to him.
MCCLANE
No.
BUSINESSMAN
Want to know the secret of
surviving air travel?...Take off
your shoes and socks when you get
where you're going and walk
around ten minutes barefoot.
Better than a shower and a cup
of coffee...
MCCLANE
(warily)
Thanks... I'11 remember that.
The Businessman picks up on McClane's scepticism and takes
it as a challenge. His salesman's smile broadens.
BUSINESSMAN
You think I'm crazy don't you?
Trust me. I've been a salesman
for twenty years. I know what
I'm talking about.
(CONTINUED)
A98
CONTINUED: 3
/0s**..
The Businessman oozes confidence. McClane reaches up to help
a woman down with her bags and the butt of his Beretta
handgun suddenly becomes visible to the Businessman. The
man blanches at the sight and McClane notices the look.
He's seen it before.
MCCLANE
It's okay...I'm a cop.
We SEE this doesn't totally calm the Businessman. McClane
holds his look and produces a gold NYPD Detective's shield.
MCCLANE
(firm and
definite)
Trust me. I've been doing it
for thirteen years.
INT. THE NAKATOMI BUILDING (LOS ANGELES) - EVENING 4
CLOSE ON A bottle of Dom Perignon as the cork explodes across
a large office floor decorated for Christmas. A Japanese
man, mid-fifties standing on a desk holds up the bottle
triumphantly and looks out at an adoring audience of junior
executives and office personnel. He is JOSEPH TAKAGI,
Sr. V.P. of Sales for Nakatomi, a multinational corporation.
TAKAGI
Ladies and gentlemen...1
congratulate each and every one
of you for making this one of
the greatest days in the history
of the Nakatomi corporation...
In the b.g., obviously still at work, an attractive
BUSINESSWOMAN in her mid-thirties, studying a computer
printout, heads toward her office. Falling into step with
her is HARRY ELLIS, thirty-seven, V.P. of Sales. Well-dressed,
with stylish, slicked-back hair, he looks and acts very
smooth.
ELLIS
What about dinner?
WOMAN (HOLLY)
Do you ever look at the calendar,
Harry? Christmas Eve...Santa*s
arriving...Family...Those things
ring a bell?
She turns into:



A98
3

HER OFFICE 5
Her name is HOLLY GENNARO MCCLANE, though the nameplate on
her door stops after the first two. She puts the printout
down on her secretary's desk.
HOLLY
(to her secretary)
Go on out, Ginny, they're opening
the champagne.
GINNY
(grateful to be
released)
Thanks Ms. Gennaro.
Ginny passes Ellis in the doorway as Holly punches a number
on the phone.
I ELLIS
' (not giving up)
How about tomorrow night?
HOLLY
(dryly)
Worse.
Just then the party on Holly's phone picks up and WE:
INTERCUT:
Genres: ["Action","Thriller","Drama"]

Summary The scene opens with John McClane, a cop, sitting on a plane next to a chatty businessman. McClane is wary and takes off his shoes, revealing his gun. The setting shifts to the Nakatomi building where Holly Gennero McClane, John's wife, is working late and trying to avoid her coworker Harry's advances. The tone is light-hearted and humorous, with the businessman's conversation and Harry's advances providing the conflict.
Strengths
  • Intriguing characters
  • Sharp dialogue
  • Tension building
Weaknesses
  • Emotional depth could be further explored

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively sets up the tone and introduces key characters while hinting at underlying conflicts.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a cop on a plane with a hidden gun and a mysterious businessman sets up an intriguing premise.

Plot: 7

The plot is slowly unfolding, with hints of a larger story at play.

Originality: 7

The scene introduces a familiar scenario of a cop in a new environment, but adds a fresh twist with the businessman's unconventional advice and McClane's subtle reveal of his identity.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-defined and intriguing, with layers that suggest deeper motivations.

Character Changes: 6

There are hints of potential character growth and change, especially for John McClane.

Internal Goal: 8

John McClane's internal goal in this scene is to maintain his composure and assert his authority in a potentially tense situation. This reflects his need for control and his desire to protect those around him.

External Goal: 7

John McClane's external goal in this scene is to navigate the social interaction with the businessman and assert his identity as a cop. This reflects the immediate challenge of establishing trust and authority in a new environment.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

There is a moderate level of conflict present, mostly in the form of tension between characters.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting values and motivations driving the characters' interactions.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high, with the presence of a hidden gun and the hint of larger conflicts to come.

Story Forward: 8

The scene effectively moves the story forward by introducing key characters and setting up potential conflicts.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected interactions between the characters and the shifting power dynamics.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between the businessman's salesmanship and McClane's law enforcement background. This challenges McClane's beliefs about trust and credibility.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

The emotional impact is subtle but hints at deeper emotional layers to be explored.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is sharp and reveals character dynamics effectively.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the tension between the characters and the subtle reveals of their motivations.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension and suspense through the characters' interactions.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings and character descriptions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution.


Critique
  • The scene lacks a clear purpose or goal. It's simply two characters talking about air travel, which doesn't advance the plot or develop the characters.
  • The dialogue is stilted and unnatural. The Businessman's sales pitch is too long and detailed, and McClane's responses are too brief and non-committal.
  • The scene is too long and drawn out. It could be shortened by cutting out some of the unnecessary dialogue and focusing on the more important moments.
  • The scene is not visually interesting. It takes place entirely in a plane, which is a very static and boring setting.
  • The Businessman's sudden change of attitude when he sees McClane's gun is not convincing. It's too abrupt and doesn't make sense given what we know about the character.
  • The scene ends abruptly with McClane revealing that he's a cop. This is a major plot point, but it's not given the weight it deserves.
  • The Businessman character is one-dimensional and uninteresting. He's simply a mouthpiece for the air travel sales pitch.
Suggestions
  • Give the scene a clear purpose or goal. What do you want to achieve with this scene? What information do you want to convey to the reader?
  • Rewrite the dialogue to make it more natural and engaging. Avoid using long, exposition-heavy speeches.
  • Shorten the scene by cutting out some of the unnecessary dialogue and focusing on the more important moments.
  • Add some visual interest to the scene. Describe the setting in more detail, and use camera angles and movement to create a more dynamic scene.
  • Make the Businessman's change of attitude more convincing. Give him a reason to be scared of McClane, and show how his fear changes his behavior.
  • Give the scene a more satisfying ending. Don't just have McClane reveal that he's a cop. Instead, build up to this moment and give it the weight it deserves.
  • Develop the Businessman character more. Give him a backstory, motivations, and flaws. This will make him more interesting and relatable to the reader.



Scene 2 -  Preparing for John's Arrival: Warm Conversations and Limo Rides
6 INT. NICE HOUSE IN SANTA MONICA 6
where a four-year-old girl, LUCY MCCLANE, answers the phone
with a sense of importance.
LUCY
Hello, this is Lucy McClane.
Holly suddenly smiles. It is the first time we've seen her
smile and it speaks volumes about the person hidden under a
tough business exterior.
HOLLY
(with affection)
Hello, Lucy McClane. This is
your mother.
She looks up and watches Ellis leave.
LUCY
/fH^s
Mommy! When are you coming home?!
(CONTINUED)



A98
4
CONTINUED: 6
J^*>*

HOLLY
Soon. You'll be in bed when
I get there, though.
LUCY
Will you come say 'good night'?
HOLLY
Don't I always, you goose?
(enjoys her
daughter's giggle
over the line)
May I speak with Paulina, please?
Lucy hands the phone to a young Salvadorian woman, PAULINA,
the housekeeper.
PAULINA
Hello, Ms. Holly. You coming
home soon?
HOLLY
Hopefully.
(beat)
Mr. McClane didn't call, did he?
PAULINA
No ma'am.
Holly hides a trace of disappointment.
HOLLY
Maybe that means he got a flight.
Why don't you make up the bed in
the spare room, just in case.
PAULINA
(smiling)
Yes ma'am, I already did.
Holly's smile comes through again.
INT. LAX - EVENING 7
McClan^-r^earing TBTs-sWool topcoat and carrying a huge
FAg^chwartz stuffep. animal and his hangup bag, comes down
ramp with the Businessman from the

BUSINESSMAN
Remember...bare feet, ten minutes.
Merry Christmas.
(CONTINUED)

A98
CONTINUED: 7
MCCLANE
Yeah...Merry Christmas...
The Businessman moves down the ramp and is lovingly greeted
by his family. McClane watches, moved by the sight, then
looks around the waiting area, just on the chance his family
might be waiting. Instead he spots a thin, gangling, black
kid, WILLIAM, in an ill-fitting chaufeur's uniform. As he
waits he beats «out a rhythm on a card with J. McCLANE printed
on it. McClane pauses in front of him.
MCCLANE
I'm John McClane.
WILLIAM
William, Sir...I'm your limo
driver. Nice bag.
He turns and starts walking.
MCCLANE
Don't you take this?
WILLIAM
(stops)
Do I?
MCCLANE
Hell, I don't know. I've never
been picked up by a limo before.
William takes McClane's bag.
WILLIAM
Hey, that's good...'cause I've
never driven one before.
CUT TO:
INT. LIMOUSINE - DUSK 8
McClane and William both sit in the front seat as the black
limo turns off the Santa Monica Freeway and heads north
toward Century City. The huge toy animal sits in the backseat.
McClane hears a rustling at his feet and looks down
to see a bunch of fast food wrappers. Picks one up — it
says Taco Bell — and looks at William who grins sheepishly.
WILLIAM
What can I say, man? I didn't
<T expect you to sit up front.
(CONTINUED)


A98
6
8 CONTINUED: 8
f* WILLIAM (Cont.)
(popping in a
cassette)
Mind if I play some tunes?
A hard RAP SONG blasts from the speakers.
MCCLANE
How 'bout some Christmas music?
WILLIAM
That is Christmas music.
McClane gives up and grins, tosses the wrapper back on the
floor and looks out the window.
9 HIS P.O.V. 9
Convertibles with Christmas trees in their backseats,
Time/Temperature signs which read: 69°, and palm trees
trimmed in Christmas lights — it is clear that Christmas
L.A. style is a foreign commodity he could live happily
without.
WILLIAM
f* (to the animal
• in the back)
You know, you're stocked backed
there. We got CD, CB, TV, phone,
full bar. I even know a couple
of Teddy Bears...
(to McClane)
...Or is he married?
MCCLANE
Married.
WILLIAM
She live out here?
MCCLANE
As of six months ago.
WILLIAM
And you live in New York?
MCCLANE
You're nosey, you know that,
William?
f^ WILLIAM
Hey, I'm sorry. I got to quit
doing that, you know.
(CONTINUED)
A98
7

3 CONTINUED: 9
MCCLANE
That's okay.
WILLIAM
So, you divorced or what?
McClane gives up.
MCCLANE
She had a good job, it turned
into a great career.
WILLIAM
But meant her moving here.
MCCLANE
You're fast.
I
/ WILLIAM
So, why didn't you come?
MCCLANE
'Cause I'm a New York cop not an
IBM salesman. I don't just get up
and move.
WILLIAM
(to the point)
And you didn't think she'd make
it here?
McClane grins, he likes William even if he is direct.
MCCLANE
You're fast, William.
Genres: ["Drama","Action","Comedy"]

Summary In this scene, Lucy McClane answers a phone call from her mother, Holly, who is worried about her husband, John, and asks the housekeeper, Paulina, to prepare the spare room. The scene then shifts to LAX, where John arrives and meets his limo driver, William. They engage in small talk and listen to rap music, while Holly remains anxious about John's whereabouts. The scene ends with John and William driving towards Century City, leaving the audience in anticipation of their destination.
Strengths
  • Character development
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Emotional depth
Weaknesses
  • Lack of high-stakes conflict
  • Some dialogue may feel exposition-heavy

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively balances emotional depth with light-hearted moments, setting up character dynamics and introducing key plot elements.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of homecoming and family relationships is central to the scene, driving character motivations and setting the tone for future developments.

Plot: 7

The plot progresses as we see Holly's personal life intersect with John McClane's return home, hinting at potential conflicts and resolutions.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces fresh character dynamics and explores themes of family, work-life balance, and cultural diversity in a unique and engaging way.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed, with Holly's hidden vulnerability and John McClane's tough yet relatable persona shining through. William adds a comedic element to the scene.

Character Changes: 6

Holly's brief moment of vulnerability and John McClane's journey back home hint at potential character growth and changes in future scenes.

Internal Goal: 8

Holly's internal goal is to maintain a connection with her daughter despite being away from home. This reflects her desire for a strong family bond and her struggle to balance work and personal life.

External Goal: 7

John McClane's external goal is to navigate his way through a new city and situation, as he interacts with his limo driver and adjusts to the unfamiliar surroundings.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 5

While there are hints of internal and external conflicts, the scene primarily focuses on character dynamics and introductions.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is moderate, with conflicts arising from internal struggles and external challenges that add depth to the characters' journeys.

High Stakes: 4

While personal stakes are hinted at, the scene focuses more on character dynamics and introductions rather than high-stakes conflicts.

Story Forward: 7

The scene sets up key relationships and plot points, moving the story forward while laying the groundwork for future developments.

Unpredictability: 7

The scene is somewhat predictable in terms of character interactions and plot developments, but maintains interest through its engaging dialogue and emotional resonance.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The scene explores the conflict between work and family life, highlighting the protagonist's values and priorities. Holly's dedication to her job clashes with her desire to be present for her daughter.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes a sense of warmth and nostalgia, especially in the interaction between Holly and her daughter, resonating with the audience.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is engaging and reveals character traits, setting up future interactions and conflicts.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its relatable characters, witty dialogue, and emotional depth, keeping the audience invested in the story.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a balance of dialogue, action, and character development that keeps the story moving forward.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene adheres to the expected format for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character actions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with well-defined character arcs and narrative progression, maintaining the audience's engagement.


Critique
  • The scene doesn't provide much context for the audience. It doesn't establish who the characters are, what their relationship is, or what the stakes are.
  • The dialogue is stilted and unnatural. The characters sound like they're reading from a script, not speaking to each other.
  • The scene doesn't move the plot forward. It's just a phone conversation between two characters who don't seem to have much to say to each other.
Suggestions
  • Start the scene with a brief establishing shot that shows the characters and their surroundings. This will help the audience to understand who they are and where they are.
  • Rewrite the dialogue to make it more natural and believable. The characters should sound like real people, not like they're reading from a script.
  • Add some conflict to the scene. The characters should have something to talk about that's important to them. This will make the scene more engaging and will help to move the plot forward.



Scene 3 -  Tense Greetings and Christmas Cheer: McClane Arrives at Nakatomi while Powell Handles Police Station Crisis
10 INT. LOS ANGELES POLICE STATION - NIGHT 10
A miniature Christmas tree with blinking lights sits on a
desk of SERGEANT AL POWELL, thirties, a man who's had enough
experience to know how bad it can be out there. He speaks
in low tones to the telephone.
POWELL
(defensively)
Yeah, yeah, honey, don't go
crazy —
(listening, then)
— I know you're pregnant. I know
you get cravings. I didn't say I
wouldn't buy *em, I just said I wish
you'd buy *em in big boxes...
(CONTINUED)

A98
8

10 CONTINUED: ' 10
Suddenly Powell's miniature tree is knocked on its side and a
handgun goes spinning across the desk into his lap. He looks
up to see two cops trying to subdue a struggling suspect in
front of his desk. COP #1 looks up at Powell and grins.
COP #1
Don't worry, Al, it ain't loaded.
POWELL
(to phone)
I got to go.
Powell hangs up and puts the heavy firearm on the desk as the
two cops shove the suspect into a chair in front of him.
COP #2 stares at the suspect and points at Powell.
I COP #2
Sergeant Powell's a very deadly
man with a handgun, so don't try
anything or he might kill you...
by accident.
The two cops laugh. Powell ignores them, and expertly rolls
in a sheet of paper into his main weapon — the typewriter.
POWELL
(to suspect)
Full name, last name first...
11 -INT. LIMO - NIGHT 11
McClane and William pull up in front of the Nakatomi building,
a forty story, ultra-modern highrise in Century City.
WILLIAM
You here to patch things up?
MCCLANE
I'm here to try. Thanks for the
ride, William.
He gets out and William sits a moment in the car alone before
getting out to help him with the bags.
12 EXT. NAKATOMI BUILDING - NIGHT 12
William climbs out of the limo and stops by the trunk.
WILLIAM
What happens if you don't get back
with your wife? Where*re you going
to stay?
(CONTINUED)

A98
12 CONTINUED: _ 12
MCCLANE
I'll find someplace.
He looks up at the highrise lit by huge spotlights, then
back at William who's made no attempt to open the trunk.
WILLIAM
Look, I'm going to pull into the
parking garage and wait. You score
with your wife give me a call on
the car phone and I'11 leave your
bags inside at the desk. You strike
out...I'11 get you to a hotel.
He hands McClane a slip with the number on it.
MCCLANE
(taking the number)
Thanks. What're you going to do?
WILLIAM
Don't worry about William...
(points to the
stuffed animal)
...He's going to hang out with his
friend here till you call.
13 INT. NAKATOMI LOBBY - NIGHT 13
Beautiful and deserted. A large Christmas tree stands next
to the security table where the GUARD sits. McClane goes to
the desk and signs in.
MCCLANE
Holly Gennaro. International Sales.
GUARD
Thirty-second floor...You can't miss
'em, they're the only ones left in
the place.
14 INT. ELEVATOR - NIGHT 14
McClane riding the elevator. He rotates his head. Getting
the cricks out. As he approaches the 32nd floor we
hear a tremendous THUMPING, THROBBING NOISE. McClane
stops and listens before he realizes — it's the party. As
the doors open the noise attacks us.
15 32ND FLOOR - SAME 15
McClane moves around the edge of the party and stops a
dancing woman who points to Holly's "office.

A98
10

16 HOLLY'S OFFICE - SAME 16
McClane pauses at the door and notes the name, then knocks.
It is opened by Takagi. Ellis sits behind Holly's secretary's
desk and nervously taps a tightly-rolled dollar bill.
MCCLANE
Sorry, I was looking for —
TAKAGI
Holly Gennaro?
MCCLANE
Yeah...
TAKAGI
Then you must be John McClane.
(introducing
himself)
Joe Takagi, John. How was your
ride in?
Ellis subtly runs a checking finger under his nose then stands
to shake hands with McClane. McClane takes it all in.
MCCLANE
Nice. Do I have you to thank for
that?
TAKAGI
Or blame for it. She was going to
meet you herself, but I threw some
things at her at the last minutes.
(motions to Ellis)
John, this is Harry Ellis one of our
shining stars in international sales.
(to Ellis)
John is a New York policeman.
ELLIS
(shaking hands)
Pleasure to meet you. I've heard
a lot about you from your ex-...
(correcting
himself)
...your wife.
We can tell by McClane's look that he doesn't think much of
Ellis. McClane holds Ellis' look and runs his finger subtly
under his nose.
MCCLANE
(low, to Elli.s)
You missed some.

(CONTINUED)

A98
11

16 CONTINUED: 16
yflE^X

MCCLANE (Cont.)
(to Takagi)
Well, you fellas throw quite a
Christmas party.
Ellis automatically puts his hand to his face before
realizing his face is clean.

TAKAGI
Well, actually it's also a little
celebration for a deal we closed
this afternoon. A $150,000,000
deal. A deal we have Holly to
thank a lot for —
Holly enters. Seeing McClane momentarily stops her.
J
/
HOLLY
(surprised)
John...Oh...Did you meet everyone? —

TAKAGI
No, we've been sticking spears in
^S*!S\ him...of course he has.
McClane and Holly look at each other for a moment awkwardly
then she kisses him on the cheek. The awkwardness pleases
Ellis.
TAKAGI
(to McClane)
She's made for this business.
Tough as nails.

ELLIS
Show him the watch.
He points to a new gold Rolex on Holly's wrist.
HOLLY
(giving him
a look)
I will later.
ELLIS
Ahh...Show him. Don't be
embarrassed.
(to McClane)
A little something to show how much
we appreciate her good work.
(CONTINUED)

A98
12

16 CONTINUED: (2) 16

Holly fixes Ellis with a lethal look.
MCCLANE
I'm sure I'll see it later. Right
now I could use a place to wash up.
Genres: ["Action","Thriller","Drama"]

Summary This scene takes place in two different locations: the Los Angeles Police Station and the Nakatomi building in Century City, both at night. At the police station, Sergeant Al Powell handles a minor crisis while on a phone call with his pregnant wife. Meanwhile, John McClane arrives at the Nakatomi building and is greeted by his wife Holly's assistant, Harry Ellis, leading to tension between them. Takagi, the president of Nakatomi, introduces himself and Holly to McClane. The main conflict in this scene is the tension between McClane and Ellis, while another conflict is Powell's struggle to maintain order in the police station while dealing with his wife's pregnancy cravings. The tone of this scene is tense and uncomfortable.
Strengths
  • Sharp dialogue
  • Tension-filled interactions
  • Establishing character dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Some awkward moments could be further developed for impact

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively establishes the characters, their relationships, and the setting. It creates tension and sets the stage for future conflicts.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a cop trying to reconcile with his wife in the midst of a high-stakes situation is engaging and sets up potential conflicts and character development.

Plot: 7

The plot moves forward as John McClane arrives at the Nakatomi building and interacts with his wife and her coworkers. It sets up the conflict and tension that will unfold.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh approach to a typical police station setting, with unique character interactions and a focus on power dynamics. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-defined, with John McClane portrayed as a tough cop trying to reconnect with his wife, Holly, and Ellis as a smug coworker. The interactions between the characters add depth and tension to the scene.

Character Changes: 6

There is a subtle hint of character change, especially in John McClane's attempt to reconcile with his wife and navigate the tense situation.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to maintain composure and professionalism in a potentially dangerous situation. This reflects his need to stay in control and handle difficult circumstances calmly.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to gather information from the suspect and handle the situation with the two cops. This reflects the immediate challenge of dealing with a suspect and maintaining order in the police station.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

There is a moderate level of conflict in the scene, primarily in the interactions between John McClane, Holly, and Ellis. Tension and awkwardness add to the conflict.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist facing challenges from the suspect and the two cops. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of how the protagonist will handle the situation.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are moderately high, as John McClane tries to reconcile with his wife amidst a tense situation at the Nakatomi building.

Story Forward: 8

The scene effectively moves the story forward by introducing key characters, setting up conflicts, and hinting at future developments.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected actions of the characters and the shifting power dynamics. The audience is kept on their toes, unsure of how the situation will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the use of power and authority in law enforcement. The protagonist's beliefs about handling suspects and maintaining control are challenged by the actions and attitudes of the two cops.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

The scene elicits a moderate emotional impact, mainly through the awkward interactions and the hint of unresolved issues between the characters.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is sharp and reveals the dynamics between the characters. It conveys tension, awkwardness, and hints at underlying conflicts.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its tense atmosphere, sharp dialogue, and character dynamics. The interactions between the characters keep the audience invested in the unfolding events.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a gradual build-up of tension and suspense. The rhythm of the dialogue and character actions enhances the effectiveness of the scene.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character actions. The formatting enhances the readability and flow of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the effectiveness of the scene.


Critique
  • The scene is a bit too long. It might be more effective if it were shorter and more focused.
  • The dialogue is a bit stilted and unnatural. It would be more engaging if it were more conversational.
  • The characters are not very well developed. The audience needs to know more about them in order to care about them.
  • The scene doesn't really advance the plot. It's mostly just exposition.
  • The action is a bit slow-paced. It would be more exciting if it were faster-paced and more intense.
Suggestions
  • Shorten the scene by cutting out some of the unnecessary dialogue and action.
  • Make the dialogue more natural by using more contractions and colloquialisms.
  • Develop the characters more by adding more details about their backgrounds and motivations.
  • Advance the plot by having the characters take some kind of action that moves the story forward.
  • Increase the pace of the action by adding more action sequences or by making the existing action sequences more intense.



Scene 4 -  Arrival at Nakatomi Plaza and Reunion of Holly and McClane
17 EXT. NAKATOMI - NIGHT 17

A UPS truck turns off Olympic into the underground parking
garage of Nakatomi.

18 INT. PARKING GARAGE 18

It goes down the ramp and passes William's black limo. William
I is not visible in the front. The back windows are tinted.

19 INT. LIMO - SAME 19

William sits in the backseat. He is making a drink from the
bar with the TV on and his rap music blasting from the
cassette player, oblivious to the truck passing behind him.

20 INT. PARKING GARAGE - SAME 20
The UPS truck stops in front of the service elevator on the
next level down. As the truck idles, the uniformed driver
makes a note on his clipboard.

21 INT. ELLIS' OFFICE- WASHROOM - NIGHT 21

Holly sits in Ellis' office — a Sharper Image kind of place.
Through a door to the private washroom, she watches McClane
in his T-shirt finish washing his face.
HOLLY
Sorry about Ellis. He has a
hard time this time of year...
MCCLANE
Hey, I know the type. He thought
he was God's greatest gift.
They both smile, a reminder of something past.
HOLLY
So, where are you staying? This
all happened so fast I didn't
even ask you on the phone.
(CONTINUED)
A98
13

21 . CONTINUED: 21
J^tn\


McClane finishes drying his face and steps to the doorway.
MCCLANE
Well, Cappy Roberts retired out
here a couple years ago. He said
I could bunk with him.
HOLLY
Oh...Where does he live?
MCCLANE
Pomona.
HOLLY
PomonaI You'll be in the car
the whole time...Look, let's make
this easy. I have a spare bedroom.
It's not huge, but the kids would
love to have you at the house.
McClane fixes her with a look.
MCCLANE
How about you?
HOLLY
(beat, honest)
I would too.
MCCLANE
I feel kinda stupid asking how
things are going, that seems
pretty obvious.
He nods at her new watch. She rubs her watchband
self-consciously and when she looks up McClane is staring
at her.
MCCLANE
God, you look good.
HOLLY
(pleased, smiles)
You don't look half-bad yourself.
They lock eyes for a moment, but it's an intense moment that
says a lot about how they still feel about each other. Just
then a man and a woman, both a little tipsy, open the door
to the office, see that its occupied and beat a hasty
/Si^V retreat. The interruption temporarily dents the mood.
Holly tries to smile.
(CONTINUED)


A98
14

21 ' CONTINUED: (2) 21
HOLLY
Welcome to L.A...I've missed you.
She leaves and McClane smiles to himself — it's a start. He
looks at all the lavishness around him and picks up a phone
on the wall by the toilet. He opens his wallet and takes out
the phone number William gave him. A photo of his children
stops him.
22 INSERT - THE PHOTO 22
Holly and the two children we saw at Holly's house. He flips
it over. On the back in crude but painstaking hand of a
five-year-old it says: WE MISS YOU, DADDY. LOVE JOHN (and
in more primative letters) LUCY.
23 MCCLANE 23
returns the photo to his wallet, dials the number and begins
to unlace his shoes.
Genres: ["Action","Thriller","Drama"]

Summary A UPS truck enters Nakatomi Plaza's underground garage, while William, unaware, stays in his limo. Holly and McClane reunite in Ellis' office, discussing McClane's stay, leading to a friendly moment. McClane calls his contact, looking at a photo of his children, as Holly offers her spare bedroom for the night.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Character dynamics
  • Dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Lack of clear conflict resolution
  • Limited action

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively balances emotional depth with suspense, setting up the dynamics between characters and hinting at future conflicts.


Story Content

Concept: 7

The concept of reuniting a husband and wife amidst a high-stakes situation is engaging and sets the stage for character development and conflict.

Plot: 8

The plot advances as John McClane arrives at Nakatomi building and reunites with his wife, introducing key characters and setting up potential conflicts.

Originality: 7

The scene introduces a familiar theme of reconciliation and second chances but approaches it with a fresh perspective through nuanced character interactions and emotional depth. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed, with John McClane and Holly displaying a mix of love, tension, and history in their interactions. Ellis adds a layer of conflict and unease.

Character Changes: 6

While there are hints of character dynamics and potential changes, they are not fully realized in this scene.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to reconnect with his estranged wife and children, as well as navigate his feelings towards her. This reflects his deeper desire for reconciliation and emotional connection.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to find a place to stay in Los Angeles. This reflects the immediate challenge of his current situation and the need for accommodation.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

While there is underlying tension and potential for conflict, it is not fully realized in this scene.

Opposition: 6

The opposition in the scene is subtle, primarily internal conflicts and emotional barriers that the protagonist must overcome. The uncertainty of the outcome adds tension and complexity to the scene.

High Stakes: 6

The stakes are not fully established in this scene, but there is a sense of underlying tension and potential danger.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing key characters, setting up relationships, and hinting at future conflicts.

Unpredictability: 6

This scene is unpredictable in terms of the characters' emotional responses and the subtle shifts in their interactions. The audience is kept guessing about the outcome of the protagonist's attempts at reconciliation.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the tension between past relationships and the desire for a fresh start. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs about forgiveness, second chances, and personal growth.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions through the reunion of John and Holly, as well as the subtle hints of past love and longing.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is natural and reveals the complex emotions and relationships between the characters, adding depth to the scene.

Engagement: 8

This scene is engaging because of the emotional depth, subtle character dynamics, and relatable themes of reconciliation and second chances. The dialogue and interactions draw the audience in and create a sense of intimacy.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a balance of dialogue, action, and emotional beats. The rhythm of the scene contributes to its effectiveness in conveying the characters' emotions and motivations.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and concise, following industry standards for screenplay format. It enhances the visual storytelling and readability of the scene.

Structure: 9

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with clear transitions between locations and well-paced dialogue. The formatting enhances the readability and flow of the scene.


Critique
  • The scene is a bit slow and doesn't advance the plot much.
  • The dialogue between McClane and Holly is a bit forced and unnatural.
  • The scene doesn't really give us any new information about the characters or their motivations.
  • The scene is a bit too focused on exposition and not enough on action or character development.
  • The scene could be more visually interesting. For example, you could show McClane and Holly walking through the Nakatomi building or interacting with other characters.
  • The scene could be more suspenseful. For example, you could have McClane and Holly overhear a conversation between the terrorists or see them planting a bomb.
  • The scene could be more emotionally resonant. For example, you could have McClane and Holly talk about their relationship or their hopes for the future.
  • The scene could be more character driven. For example, you could have McClane and Holly argue about something or have them make a difficult decision.
Suggestions
  • Add more action or suspense to the scene.
  • Make the dialogue more natural and revealing.
  • Give us more information about the characters' motivations.
  • Make the scene more visually interesting.
  • Make the scene more emotionally resonant.
  • Make the scene more character driven.



Scene 5 -  Takeover of the Building and Murder of the Guard
24 INT. BUILDING LOBBY - SAME 24
The Guard at the front desk notices the UPS truck on his
monitor. The Guard continues to watch the UPS truck and
only half notices as a BMW pulls up in front of the building
and two extremely well-dressed, BUSINESSMEN (late twenties)
climb out and start up the stairs for the door. As they
cross the lobby to the Guard's table to sign-in, we hear
•their conversation.
MAN #1 (THEO)
(animatedly)
...So, Kareem rebounds — listen,
this is a great play — feeds Worthy
on the break, over to A.C., to Magic,
back to Worthy in the lane and —
Suddenly the other man pulls out a Walther pistol with a
silencer and aims it at the Guard's forehead. Before the
Guard can react he pulls the trigger.
MAN #1 (THEO)
(dryly)
Boom...two points.
(The speed with which the murder takes place sets the tone
for the rest of the action.) The killer moves behind the
desk, stepping over a small pool of blood from the Guard.
His name is KARL, big, with long blond hair like a rock
drummer. Karl takes off the silencer and looks at the
(CONTINUED)


A98
15

24 CONTINUED: 24
J0£\
video monitor of the UPS truck. The first man, THEO, opens
his briefcase and takes out a portable CB radio.
THEO
(on CB)
We're in.
25 ON THE SCREEN 25
the driver nods at the security camera as several men climb
out the rear of the van and begin unloading wooden crates•by
the service elevator.
26 INT. BUILDING OPERATIONS CONTROL ROOM 26
Theo enters the small control room and comfortably sits
behind a maintenance keyboard. With a few typed-in commands
}
he locks down the passenger elevators up to the 32nd floor.
i Then with several more computer commands, .systematically
causes:
27 THE HEAVY STEEL GATES TO THE PARKING GARAGE CLOSE 27
28 THE ESCALATORS TO THE GARAGE COME TO A STOP 28
29 THE POWERFUL BLOWERS IN THE AIR CONDITIONING TOWER 29
ON THE ROOF SUDDENLY STOP AND WE HEAR JUST THE
TRICKLE OF WATER IN THE COOLING TOWER
30 CONTROL ROOM - SAME 30
Theo finishes typing and disconnects the keyboard and pulls
out the wires from beneath the panel.
31 INT. LOBBY - SAME 31
The doors to a service elevator open TO REVEAL HANS GRUBER,
impeccably dressed, lean and handsome, he steps out into the
lobby like he owns the building — and in a way he does.
Theo steps to the door of the control room and tosses Hans
the Guard's master keys. Hans goes to the front door and
locks it. He looks out at the street — not a creature is
stirring — Century City is quiet.
32 KARL 32
waits beside an elevator which opens REVEALING NINE MEN
dressed in fatigues, all armed with Kalashnikov machine guns
and carrying canvas kit bags. One of them, HEINZ, in his
twenties, goes to the dead guard and immediately begins
\ changing into the dead man's clothes.



A98
16

33 KARL 33
takes a tool case from the elevator and heads silently for
the basement stairwell.
34 THEO 34
leaves the control room and nods to Hans.
35 HEINZ 35

half-dressed in his uniform, takes his position behind the
front desk.
36 HANS 36
looks at his watch and seems pleased. He steps into the
service elevator with the others and presses the button for
1 the 32nd floor. The entire sequence has taken maybe sixty
( seconds.
Genres: ["Action","Thriller"]

Summary In this tense and violent scene, two businessmen, Theo and Karl, enter a building and murder the guard on duty. Theo accesses the control room and locks down the elevators, closes the parking garage gates, stops the escalators, and turns off the air conditioning. Hans Gruber steps out of the service elevator and locks the front door, while Heinz changes into the dead guard's clothes. The group takes control of the building, and the scene ends with the elevators, escalators, and air conditioning locked down.
Strengths
  • Effective setup of main conflict
  • High level of tension and suspense
  • Clear introduction of key characters
Weaknesses
  • Minimal character development in this scene
  • Limited dialogue

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene effectively sets up the main conflict of the story, establishes a high level of tension, and introduces key characters and their roles.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of a group of terrorists taking over a building is a classic action thriller setup that immediately grabs the audience's attention.

Plot: 8

The plot advances significantly as the intruders take control of the building, setting the stage for the main conflict to unfold.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a familiar heist scenario but adds unique elements like the sudden violence, strategic lockdown of the building, and the contrasting personalities of the characters. The dialogue and actions feel authentic and contribute to the scene's originality.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are introduced effectively, with distinct personalities and roles that will drive the story forward.

Character Changes: 6

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the introduction of the intruders sets the stage for potential character development.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is likely survival and possibly revenge for the murder of the guard. The sudden violence and takeover of the building may trigger fear, anger, and a desire to protect oneself and others.

External Goal: 9

The protagonist's external goal is to take control of the building and execute a planned heist. The actions of locking down elevators, escalators, and other systems indicate a strategic and calculated approach to achieving this goal.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The level of conflict is high as the intruders take control of the building, creating a life-threatening situation for the characters.

Opposition: 9

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the sudden violence, strategic takeover of the building, and the presence of armed criminals creating a sense of imminent danger and uncertainty. The audience is left wondering how the protagonist will overcome these obstacles.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are extremely high as the intruders take control of the building, putting the lives of the characters in grave danger.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by introducing the main conflict and escalating the stakes for the characters.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the sudden violence, unexpected actions of the characters, and the strategic twists in the heist plan. The audience is kept guessing about the characters' motives and the outcome of the situation.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the morality of violence, power, and control. The ruthless actions of the criminals contrast with the innocence of the guard and the potential heroism of any resistance.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes fear and tension in the audience, setting a strong emotional tone for the rest of the story.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is minimal but impactful, conveying the seriousness of the situation and the efficiency of the intruders.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its fast-paced action, suspenseful setup, and intriguing characters. The sudden violence and strategic heist plan keep the audience on edge.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a balance of action, dialogue, and visual descriptions that maintain tension and momentum. The rapid progression of events keeps the audience engaged and invested in the unfolding heist.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene's formatting adheres to the expected format for a suspenseful action scene, with clear scene headings, character descriptions, and action lines.

Structure: 9

The scene follows a structured format for a suspenseful heist setup, with clear progression of events, character introductions, and escalating tension.


Critique
  • The scene starts with a UPS truck entering the building's parking garage. This is a good way to establish the setting and to show that something is about to happen, but it could be more concise.
  • The conversation between Theo and Karl is well-written and sets the tone for the rest of the scene.
  • The murder of the guard is brutal and efficient, and it shows that the terrorists are not to be messed with.
  • Theo's use of the CB radio to communicate with the other terrorists is a nice touch, and it shows that they are well-organized.
  • The scene ends with Hans locking the front door and looking out at the street. This is a good way to create a sense of suspense and to show that the terrorists are now in control of the building.
Suggestions
  • Add more description to the setting. What does the building look like? What time of day is it?
  • Make the conversation between Theo and Karl more specific. What are they talking about?
  • Add more details to the murder of the guard. How does he react? What do the terrorists say?
  • Add more dialogue to the scene. This will help to create tension and to make the characters more relatable.
  • End the scene with a more dramatic moment. For example, have Hans shoot a hostage or have the terrorists start to plant bombs.



Scene 6 -  McClane's Failed Attempts to Call for Help and Hans' Approach on the 32nd Floor
37 INT. ELLIS' BATHROOM - 32ND FLOOR - SAME 37
McClane, barefoot, his pant legs rolled up above his ankles.
He finishes dialing and waits for the party to answer.

/Jl//lfl"\ 38 INT. BUILDING BASEMENT - PHONE ROOM 38
A large sign says: PACIFIC BELL EMPLOYEES ONLY. Inside
Karl stands in front of an intimidating matrix of phone lines
— but what he has in mind won't require a doctorate in
Electrical Engineering. He focuses on four CPV plastic
conduits which run out of the main panel over his head and
opens his case REVEALING a compact electric chain saw.
39 INT. ELLIS' BATHROOM - SAME 39
McClane on the phone.
MCCLANE
(on phone)
William?...
40 INT. LIMO 40
William is reclining on the seat. The music is on so loud
that it is nearly impossible to hear.
WILLIAM
So, man, what's the story?
/liBBNy 41 INT. PHONE ROOM - SAME 41
Karl cuts through the four tubes one at a time.



A98
17
42 INT. ELLIS' BATHROOM - SAME 42
ytf&*^S McClane on the phone.
MCCLANE
I'm just calling to —
He stops and gently taps the phone cradle. No dial tone.
43 INT. LIMO 43
William looks at the phone.
WILLIAM
W h a t ? — M r . Mac, you there?
He turns down the music but there is no one on the line.
WILLIAM
(to himself)
Well, call me back, John. You got
the number.
He hangs up and turns the volume back up.
44 ELLIS' OFFICE 44
He hangs up the phone and goes into Ellis' office and picks
up the phone on the desk. It too is dead.
\ 45 INT. SERVICE ELEVATOR 45
Hans and the others approaching the 32nd floor. As they grow
closer we hear the noise of the speakers growing louder and
louder. The men cock their weapons and brace themselves as
the car stops and the elevator doors open. ON THE SOUND OF
GUNSHOTS AND SCREAMS WE:
CUT TO:
46 INT. ELLIS' OFFICE 46
McClane grabs his shoulder harness off the back of the chair
and moves quickly to the doorway. He looks down the hall.
47 HIS P.O.V. 47
Two terrorists, FRANCO and TONY, armed with M-5 machine guns
searching the offices on the hall one by one. They open a
door, look in from the hallway, and move on quickly to the
next. They are four offices away and moving fast.
McClane looks across the corridor and sees the stairwell door
— too far to reach without being seen.
(*** 48 MCCLANE , . 48
steps back, throws off the safety on his Beretta and braces
himself.

A98
18
49 HALLWAY - FRANCO AND TONY 49
^0™^

reach the office just before Ellis' and throw open the door
REVEALING the man and woman who interrupted Holly and
McClane a few minutes before, now in the throes of passionate
lovemaking on the desk. The two terrorists smile at each
other then enter the office.
A moment later the man, trying desperately to pull up his
pants and woman buttoning her blouse, are pushed out into
the hall and toward the party, by Tony. The other
terrorist. Franco, goes to Ellis' office and opens the door.
It is empty. Only McClane's shoes and coat remain.
50 INT. STAIRWELL - SAME 50
CLOSE ON McClane's bare feet padding quickly up the concrete
stairs, two at a time. We FOLLOW him up two flights, then
| out onto the:
51 34TH FLOOR 51
i
| Unlike the 32nd it has no surrounding offices, just one
| large secretarial pool with hundreds of desks, hundreds of
phones, dark and deserted. McClane moves quickly to a desk
and picks up a phone. It's out.
P MCCLANE
1
Shit...
Out the windows a high-rise apartment building a half-block
away sparkles with lights. McClane stares at a woman in her
kitchen. We SEE her wipe her hands on an apron and turn to
answer a telephone. It seems so easy.
McCLANE
Think...
52 INT. 32ND FLOOR (HOSTAGE FLOOR) - SAME 52
The employees have been herded to the center of the room
where the desks have been pulled back. Many people are
whimpering. Holly looks around the room for McClane; she
sees Ellis. Takagi, stubbornly refusing to cooperate is
pushed toward the group. Hans steps up on top of a desk
and looks over the group.
HANS
(soothing, in control)
Ladies and gentlemen, due to Nakatomi's
legacy of greed in Third World countries,
it is about to be made an example. You,
{ unfortunately, are part of the recompense.

(CONTINUED)

A98
19

52 CONTINUED: 52
HANS (Cont.)
We are going to collect identification.
This is not a pillage — we do not want
your wallets or money. A driver's
license or ID with a photo will do nicely.
Several of the terrorists begin collecting IDs as people hunt
for ID.
HANS
At present we have no intentions of
hurting anyone. If our demands are
not met, however — expect that to
change.
(beat, smiles)
Your cooperation is appreciated.
f He steps down from the desk and goes into:
/
53 HOLLY'S OFFICE 53
where a terrorist with glasses, FRITZ, has begun to set up
operations. A large CB unit is placed on her desk and a TV
monitor is put on the credenza. While he works, Hans picks
up an 8x10 photo on the credenza.
y 54 CLOSE - THE PHOTO 54
The same one that we saw in McClane's wallet of Holly and
the children.
55 HANS 55
He puts the photo back. Franco (who checked Ellis' office)
brings McClane*s coat, socks and shoes. Hans examines the
clothes and looks at the man who brought them.
HANS
Is this all?
FRANCO
(nods)
Do you want us to search for him?
HANS
No. He can't signal for help and
he cannot get out.
Hans feels the fabric of McClane's topcoat as Franco leaves
and Takagi is brought to the office. Hans smiles.
jt0>&\


(CONTINUED)



A98
20

55 CONTINUED: 55
f*y HANS
(pleasantly)
Mr, Takagi, my name is Hans Gruber.
Would you come with me, please?
Genres: ["Action","Thriller"]

Summary John McClane tries to call for help but finds the phone lines dead. He realizes the terrorists have cut the phone lines in the basement and hears gunshots and screams as Hans and his group approach the 32nd floor. McClane quickly runs up to the 34th floor, but all the phones there are dead as well. Meanwhile, Hans and his group collect identification from the hostages and Takagi is brought into Holly's office. Hans feels McClane's coat, which Franco brought in after checking Ellis' office. The scene ends with Hans feeling McClane's coat in Holly's office, as Takagi is brought in and the terrorists begin collecting identification from the hostages. The main conflict in this scene is that McClane is trying to call for help, but the terrorists have cut the phone lines, adding to the tense and action-packed tone.
Strengths
  • Tension-building
  • Establishing high stakes
  • Introducing key characters
Weaknesses
  • Limited emotional depth
  • Dialogue could be more impactful

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene effectively builds tension, introduces key characters, and sets up a high-stakes situation, keeping the audience engaged and on the edge of their seats.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of a terrorist takeover in a corporate building, the collection of IDs, and the establishment of control over the hostages is well-executed and sets the stage for the unfolding conflict.

Plot: 8

The plot advances significantly with the introduction of the terrorists, their objectives, and the hostages, creating a sense of urgency and danger.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a familiar action genre premise but adds unique elements such as the use of technology and the moral dilemma faced by the protagonist. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and contribute to the suspenseful atmosphere.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are distinct and play crucial roles in the unfolding events, with John McClane standing out as the protagonist who will likely drive the action forward.

Character Changes: 6

While there is potential for character growth and development, it is not fully realized in this scene.

Internal Goal: 8

McClane's internal goal is to protect his wife and the other hostages from the terrorists. This reflects his deeper desire for redemption and to prove himself as a capable hero.

External Goal: 7

McClane's external goal is to outsmart and defeat the terrorists to save the hostages and escape the building. This reflects the immediate challenge he is facing in the scene.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict is high as the terrorists take control of the building, setting up a dangerous situation for the hostages and creating a sense of imminent danger.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the terrorists posing a significant threat to the protagonist and the hostages, creating a sense of danger and uncertainty.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high as innocent hostages are held captive by ruthless terrorists, creating a sense of urgency and danger.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by introducing the main conflict, key characters, and setting up the central premise of the narrative.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists and turns in the plot, keeping the audience guessing about the characters' fates.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between the terrorists' ruthless pursuit of their goals and McClane's determination to protect innocent lives. This challenges McClane's beliefs in justice and morality.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes fear, tension, and anxiety in the audience, but could further explore emotional depth and character connections.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is functional, serving to convey information and establish the characters' motivations, but could be more dynamic and impactful.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its fast-paced action, high stakes, and suspenseful atmosphere that keeps the audience invested in the characters' fates.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by maintaining a sense of urgency and building suspense leading to the climax.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character actions.

Structure: 9

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, building tension and conflict leading to a climactic moment.


Critique
  • The scene is too long and lacks focus. It tries to do too much in one go, and as a result, it feels disjointed and confusing.
  • The dialogue is stilted and unnatural. The characters speak in a way that no real person would, and it makes the scene feel forced and unrealistic.
  • The action is confusing and hard to follow. The reader is not always clear on what is happening, and the scene suffers as a result.
  • The pacing is off. The scene starts off slowly, then speeds up suddenly, then slows down again. This makes it difficult for the reader to stay engaged.
  • The scene lacks tension. The reader is never really worried about the characters, and as a result, the scene feels flat and uninteresting.
Suggestions
  • Break the scene up into smaller, more manageable chunks. This will help to improve the focus and pacing.
  • Rewrite the dialogue so that it sounds more natural. The characters should speak in a way that is believable and engaging.
  • Simplify the action so that it is easier to follow. The reader should always be clear on what is happening, and the scene should flow smoothly.
  • Add tension to the scene by raising the stakes. The reader should be worried about the characters, and the scene should feel suspenseful.
  • Consider adding some humor to the scene. This will help to lighten the mood and make the scene more enjoyable to read.



Scene 7 -  McClane Witnesses Takagi's Murder After Uncovering Terrorists' Plans
56 INT. STAIRWELL - 38TH FLOOR - SAME 56
McClane pauses outside the stairwell door to the 38th floor,
he presses the handle and cracks the door open TO REVEAL a
computer floor. The-computer machinery drones on under the
lights behind plate glass windows. McClane quietly closes
the door and makes a note on a piece of paper.
57 CLOSE - THE PAPER 57
It is a listing of the floors and says:
» 32 Hostages
/ 33 ?
34 Open Floor
35 Open Floor
36 Cubicles
37 Cubicles and inside offices (TV
sets in inside office)
38 Computers
f* 58 MCCLANE 58
moves up the stairs to the next landing, the 39th floor, and
tries to open the door. It is locked. He keeps going up.
59 INT. SERVICE ELEVATOR - NIGHT 59
Hans, Takagi, Karl and Tony. Riding silently. Hans alone
seems relaxed. He whistles. We recognize it as
"Whistle While You Work."- He looks at Takagi*s suit.
HANS
Nice suit. John Philips...London?
TAKAGI
(surprised)
How the hell would you know?
HANS
(smiles)
I have two myself...
He continues whistling and enjoys Takagi's surprise.
HANS
f^' You are surprised a 'terrorist' would
know fine tailors?
(CONTINUED)
A98
21

59 CONTINUED: 59
The answer is obvious. Hans smiles and lowers his voice as
if sharing an inside secret.
HANS
Rumor has it Arafat buys his there.
60 INT. STAIRWELL 60
McClane starts to open the stairwell door to the 40th Floor
when a NOISE above him gets his attention. He moves silently
up.one flight to the roof. Quietly, he cracks the door and
looks out onto a Machine floor on the lower level of the roof.
61 HIS P.O.V. 61
Three terrorists, JAMES, ULI and HEINRICH, unload the wooden
crates we saw in the garage from the service elevator. One
of them looks his way and:
62 MCCLANE 62
closes the door and slips back down the stairs, opening the
door to the next floor. Like the others, it is dark but we
instantly know from the paneling that he has reached an
executive floor. VOICES and a light at the end of the hallway
draw him in that direction.
63 INT. CONFERENCE ROOM - 40TH FLOOR - NIGHT 63
CLOSE ON a scale model of a bridge. Constructed to exacting
detail. Hans admires it. Behind him are photographs of the
gorge where the bridge will be constructed and maps of
Central America. Karl, Tony and a wiry terrorist, MARCO,
listen. Takagi watches.
HANS
It's beautiful. I always enjoyed
models as a boy. The exactness, the
attention to detail. Beautiful...
TAKAGI
(defensively)
Contrary to what you people think,
that bridge and its construction will
open up that entire region to growth.
Hans straightens, looks hard at Takagi.
HANS
I believe you.
Takagi looks confused. Hans puts a friendly arm around
Takagi's shoulders and guides him into the adjacent boardroom
where Theo types in commands onto a built-in computer console.
A98 (CONTINUED)
22

63 CONTINUED: 63
HANS
Mr. Takagi, I'm sure you've realized
that I didn't bring you up here to
look at models or debate your business
ethics.
Theo types at the console.
64 INSERT: SCREEN 64
It says: NAKATOMI INVESTMENT PENSION PLAN and a list of
Serial and CUSIP numbers. In one stroke they are deleted
from the screen. Then the next message comes up: ENTER
ACCESS NUMBER.
65 TAKAGI 65
He stops as Theo turns and faces him. He knows suddenly what
it's all about. Hans smiles at Takagi.
HANS
You can make our lives very easy,
Mr. Takagi.
TAKAGI
I don't know the code.
/$^&N

Hans slowly takes out his Walther and his silencer. He feels
his silencer a moment, as if making a decision, then slips it
back into his coat pocket. Takagi sees the gun.
TAKAGI
(more seriously)
Only three people know it, the CEO,
the Chief financial officer and the
Chairman. I'm not privy to such
information.
Hans presses the gun against Takagi's lapel.
HANS
(calmly)
You wouldn't lie to me, would you?
TAKAGI
(holding Hans' look)
No.
He gulps. Theo looks hard at Karl, who reluctantly meets
his look.
THEO
(to Karl)
I told you he wouldn't know.
(CONTINUED)
A98
23

65 CONTINUED: 65
Karl gives Theo five dollars — a private bet. Takagi takes
heart, but Hans doesn't put up his gun.
TAKAGI
I told you the truth.
HANS
And I believe you, Mr. Takagi...Now,
believe me. We didn't need the code...
and I'm going to kill you anyway.
He cocks the gun then hesitates, moves the barrel upward off
his suit.
HANS
Too nice a suit to ruin...
I He moves the barrel up Takagi*s neck, seemingly searching for
/ just the right spot. He pauses below Takagi's jaw, next to
his jugular and snuggles the barrel gently into the niche.
.Takagi looks around .the room. The others watch stoically.
Hans moves the barrel from the jugular to a point directly
over Takagi's adam's apple and finally seems satisfied. The
Exec locks eyes with Hans.
TAKAGI
I'm not scared of you.
HANS
I know...but you probably should be.
66 HALLWAY - ON MCCLANE - SAME 66
He presses his eye to the crack in the door just in time to
see Hans pull the trigger. In the tiny room it sounds like
Hiroshima. The blast knocks Takagi backwards onto his butt,
a gaping hole in his throat. He remains seated upright for
an instant, stunned, before Hans steps up and puts another
bullet in his chest.
67 CLOSE ON MCCLANE 67
He is stunned and moves back from the door holding his breath.
His gun bumps against the paneling.
68 ON HANS - TAKAGI'S OFFICE 68
He looks up at the sound.
HANS
What's that?
(CONTINUED)

A98
24

68 CONTINUED: 68
{ Marco turns to the door to the hallway where McClane was and
throws open the door. The long, darkened hallway is deserted.
He steps into the:
69 HALLWAY 69
and stops in front of the only door near the conference room
— a Supply Closet — and tries the door — it is locked.
MARCO
(to Hans)
Nothing.
70 CONFERENCE ROOM 70
Karl stares at the body of Takagi then looks up at Hans as
i Marco returns to the room.
' HANS
(to Karl)
Go supervise the work on the roof.
Genres: ["Action","Thriller"]

Summary John McClane continues his exploration of Nakatomi Plaza, finding floors filled with hostages and computers. He overhears a conversation between Hans, Takagi, Karl, and Tony in an elevator. Later, McClane observes James, Uli, and Heinrich unloading crates. He then stumbles upon Hans' group in a conference room, where they threaten Takagi for a pension plan access number, leading to Takagi's murder when he doesn't provide the information. The scene is tense and suspenseful, with McClane witnessing Takagi's murder from a nearby stairwell door.
Strengths
  • Intense atmosphere
  • High stakes
  • Effective tension-building
Weaknesses
  • Graphic violence
  • Lack of character development for minor characters

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is highly impactful, intense, and sets the tone for the dangerous situation the characters are in. The tension is palpable, and the stakes are raised significantly.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a hostage situation with ruthless terrorists is executed effectively, creating a sense of danger and urgency.

Plot: 9

The plot advances significantly with the introduction of the terrorists' ruthless tactics and the violent confrontation with Takagi, setting the stage for the escalating conflict.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a unique setting and conflict, with fresh approaches to the action genre. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and contribute to the tension.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-defined, with Hans Gruber standing out as a menacing and calculating villain. Takagi's brief but impactful role adds depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 7

Takagi undergoes a drastic change from confidence to fear and ultimately meets a tragic end, showcasing the brutal reality of the situation.

Internal Goal: 8

McClane's internal goal is to save the hostages and stop the terrorists, reflecting his desire to protect others and uphold justice.

External Goal: 9

McClane's external goal is to stop the terrorists from executing their plan and save the hostages, reflecting the immediate danger and challenges he faces.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict reaches a peak with the violent confrontation between the terrorists and Takagi, showcasing the high stakes and danger faced by the characters.

Opposition: 9

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist facing difficult challenges and uncertain outcomes.

High Stakes: 10

The high stakes are evident in the life-threatening situation faced by Takagi and the ruthless actions of the terrorists, creating a sense of imminent danger.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by escalating the conflict and raising the stakes for the characters, setting the stage for the intense action to come.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected actions of the characters and the escalating tension.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict is between McClane's belief in justice and the terrorists' disregard for human life. This challenges McClane's values and worldview.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes fear, tension, and shock, leaving a strong emotional impact on the audience.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is tense and impactful, especially during the interaction between Hans and Takagi, adding to the suspense of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its high stakes, suspenseful atmosphere, and intense character interactions.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the outcome.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear descriptions and dialogue.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a structured format for its genre, building tension and suspense effectively.


Critique
  • The scene starts with McClane pausing outside the stairwell door to the 38th floor and pressing the handle to crack it open. This action is not very clear and could be confusing to the reader. It would be better to describe McClane's actions more clearly, such as saying that he cautiously opens the door a crack.
  • It's unclear why McClane is making a note on a piece of paper. It would be helpful to provide more context or explanation for this action.
  • The scene then cuts to a close-up of the paper, which lists the floors and their contents. This information is useful, but it could be presented in a more visually appealing way, such as a table or a diagram.
  • McClane moves up the stairs to the next landing, the 39th floor, and tries to open the door, but it is locked. He keeps going up. This action is not very clear and could be confusing to the reader. It would be better to describe McClane's actions more clearly, such as saying that he tries to open the door, but it is locked, so he continues up the stairs.
  • In the service elevator, Hans, Takagi, Karl, and Tony are riding silently. Hans alone seems relaxed. He whistles. We recognize it as "Whistle While You Work." He looks at Takagi's suit and comments on it. This dialogue is a bit awkward and unnatural. It would be better to rewrite it in a way that sounds more natural and conversational.
  • Hans continues whistling and enjoys Takagi's surprise. He then lowers his voice as if sharing an inside secret. He tells Takagi that he has two suits from the same tailor and that Arafat buys his suits there. This dialogue is also a bit awkward and unnatural. It would be better to rewrite it in a way that sounds more natural and conversational.
  • McClane starts to open the stairwell door to the 40th Floor when a noise above him gets his attention. He moves silently up one flight to the roof. Quietly, he cracks the door and looks out onto a Machine floor on the lower level of the roof. This action is not very clear and could be confusing to the reader. It would be better to describe McClane's actions more clearly, such as saying that he cautiously opens the door a crack and looks out onto the Machine floor.
  • Three terrorists, JAMES, ULI, and HEINRICH, unload the wooden crates we saw in the garage from the service elevator. One of them looks his way and McClane closes the door and slips back down the stairs, opening the door to the next floor. This action is not very clear and could be confusing to the reader. It would be better to describe McClane's actions more clearly, such as saying that he sees three terrorists unloading the wooden crates and quickly closes the door and slips back down the stairs.
  • McClane reaches an executive floor and is drawn to a light at the end of the hallway. He follows the light and comes to a conference room. This action is not very clear and could be confusing to the reader. It would be better to describe McClane's actions more clearly, such as saying that he follows the light and comes to a conference room.
  • In the conference room, Hans, Takagi, Karl, Tony, and MARCO are discussing the scale model of a bridge. Hans admires it and says that he always enjoyed models as a boy. This dialogue is a bit awkward and unnatural. It would be better to rewrite it in a way that sounds more natural and conversational.
  • Takagi defends the bridge, saying that it will open up the region to growth. Hans says that he believes him. This dialogue is a bit confusing and it's not clear what Hans's intentions are. It would be better to rewrite it in a way that is more clear and concise.
Suggestions
  • Rewrite the beginning of the scene to make McClane's actions more clear and concise.
  • Provide more context or explanation for McClane's note-taking.
  • Present the information on the paper in a more visually appealing way.
  • Rewrite the dialogue in the service elevator to make it sound more natural and conversational.
  • Rewrite the dialogue between Hans and Takagi to make it sound more natural and conversational.
  • Rewrite McClane's actions on the roof to make them more clear and concise.
  • Rewrite McClane's actions on the executive floor to make them more clear and concise.
  • Rewrite the dialogue in the conference room to make it sound more natural and conversational.
  • Rewrite the dialogue between Hans and Takagi to make it more clear and concise.



Scene 8 -  McClane Alerts Authorities and Disarms a Guard
71 INT. SUPPLY CLOSET 71
In the darkness of the closet we MAKE OUT McClane, pressed
against the wall. He listens to the footsteps moving away
and lets out a breath.
MCCLANE
(whispers)
Jesus, Williams, what're you doing
down there?
CUT TO:
72 INT. LIMO - PARKING GARAGE 72
William is on the car phone. The music is playing.
WILLIAM
I'm working, honey. Working hard.
•Course I'll be by later to pick you
up, have I ever lied to you? My boss?
He thinks I'm cruising down to San Diego...
73 SAFE ROOM - 39TH FLOOR 73
Hans and Theo enter the safe room. The huge corporate safe
looms in front of them. Theo places three kit bags onto a
table and rolls up his sleeves.
HANS
How long?
• •' THEO
(eyeing the safe)
Ask me in an hour.
A98
25

74 37TH FLOOR 74
-i$KJ*>\


McClane moves out onto the 37th floor, angry at himself.
MCCLANE
Why the fuck didn't you stop him?
(beat)
Because, you ignorant sonofabitch,
you'd be dead, too. Think...think,
goddamnit!
Suddenly he looks up at the ceiling and sees a sprinkler head.
His look drops to the wall and focuses on a small red fire
alarm switch by the door.
75 INT. MAIN FLOOR - L.A. FIRE STATION - NIGHT 75
An alarm sounds. Quickly firemen move to their machines as
a voice of a 911 Dispatcher drones.
911 DISPATCHER
Main Wilshire units. Two alarm fire
at Nakatomi —
The voice continues as the station doors open and we:
CUT TO:
76 INT. NAKATOMI - GROUND FLOOR OPERATIONS ROOM - SAME 76
A fire alarm indicator light showing which floor has sounded
the fire alarm — suddenly begins flashing, emitting short,
loud beeps. Heinz, the terrorist in the guard's uniform and
manning the station, immediately picks up his CB.
77 37TH FLOOR - SAME 77
McClane stands at windows looking Northward for fire trucks.
Suddenly we SEE the flashing red lights of two trucks in
traffic two miles away.
MCCLANE
C'mon, baby...c'mon.
78 INT. SERVICE ELEVATOR - ON HANS - SAME 78
He rides the elevator back to 32nd floor with Tony.
HANS
(calmly, to Heinz on CB)
Use the portable phone. Call 911,
give them your badge number and cancel
/"**> the alarm...then disable the system.
He ponders the problem of McClane, looks across at Tony, and
presses the talk button again.
(CONTINUED)
A98
26

78 CONTINUED: 78
HANS
Heinz? What floor did the alarm go off?
79 37TH FLOOR - SAME 79
McClane stands silhouetted against the window. In the distance
he can see another fire truck swing off Santa Monica onto
Avenue of the Stars.
Suddenly the red light on the first truck goes out, then on
the second. McClane watches in disbelief. The trucks slow
and turn down separate side streets, heading for home.
MCCLANE
(realizing)
No...
Just then the elevator bell rings and we HEAR the ELEVATOR
DOORS OPEN. A figure (Tony) slips into the shadows — his
machine gun drawn. We MOVE WITH HIM from the elevator area
until he reaches the light switch and throws it illuminating
the entire floor. McClane is gone.
TONY
(calling out)
Okay, you! I know you're here. I
don't want to hurt you.
80 ON MCCLANE 80
under a desk. He takes in his options.
81 HIS P.O.V. 81
the feet of Tony. They move slowly in his direction. McClane
looks down the aisle next to the windows. It leads to a series
of office cubicles at the other end of the floor and is a clear
path if he can make it past Tony.
82 TONY 82
He moves steadily toward the area where we saw McClane.
TONY
Your signal was cancelled. No one is
coming to help you. So come out and
join the others.
He fingers the trigger of his machine gun.
TONY
I promise I won't hurt you.
(CONTINUED)

A98
27

82 CONTINUED: 82
C* Moving more confidently, he steps up to McClane's desk, then
around it and fires a blast into the space. It is empty. As
the SOUND OF THE MACHINE GUN FADES he listens and hears another
SOUND — a low HUMMING NOISE coming from the other end of the
room near the cubicles.
Tony heads toward the noise. Sensing a trap, he moves past
each cubicle carefully, checking each office until he reaches
the doorway of the last one. The sound is just around the
partition. He tenses, then spins into the cubicle.
83 TONY'S P.O.V. 83
an electric typewriter left on.
84 TONY 84
i

i grins at his nervousness. He turns it off as McClane steps
INTO FRAME behind him, his gun aimed at Tony.
MCCLANE
Save that energy.
Tony slowly turns around and sees McClane*s detective badge
pinned to his shirt.
MCCLANE
Put down your gun.
Tony doesn't. McClane cocks his Beretta. Tony watches him
calmly.
TONY
You won't do it.
MCCLANE
Why not?
TONY
Because you are a policeman.
MCCLANE
Try me.
Tony spins to the side and McClane fires, hitting him in the
arm, but the big man's momentum slams McClane into a filing
cabinet and sends his pistol into the hall. Tony reaches for
his machine gun, but McClane kicks him into the desk. He locks
his arms around the big man's neck in a hold that sends Tony
reeling into the hall. McClane holds on as they slam into the
glass door of a fire hose cabinet shattering the glass. They
careen across the hall into the stairwell door, opening it,
and crash into:



A98
28
85 STAIRWELL LANDING 85
then down the concrete steps into the wall on the landing below.
For a moment, both men lie still, then McClane moves and we SEE
the concrete becomes wet under the'big man as Tony's bladder
opens. McClane, still holding onto Tony's neck, releases it
and the man's head flops sickeningly to the side.
For a moment McClane just looks at the dead man, stunned, then
a HISSING SOUND coming from Tony's kit bag gets his attention.
He opens it and finds the terrorist's CB.
TIME CUT TO:
Genres: ["Action","Thriller"]

Summary John McClane overhears a conversation between two terrorists and realizes he needs to warn someone about the threat. He sets off a fire alarm, but the fire trucks are called off, confirming his suspicion of inside help. McClane hides from a guard, Tony, disarms him, and leaves him injured but alive. The scene ends with McClane finding the terrorist's CB in Tony's kit bag.
Strengths
  • Intense action
  • Tense dialogue
  • Character development
Weaknesses
  • Potential for cliched action tropes

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is highly engaging, filled with tension and action, showcasing the protagonist's quick thinking and bravery.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a one-on-one confrontation in a confined space adds to the intensity and suspense of the scene.

Plot: 9

The plot advances significantly as McClane faces off against a terrorist, leading to a crucial turning point in the story.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on the action genre with its high-stakes situation and complex character dynamics. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters of John McClane and the terrorist are well-developed, with clear motivations and contrasting personalities that drive the conflict.

Character Changes: 7

McClane demonstrates his resourcefulness and determination, showcasing a growth in his character as he faces a dangerous situation.

Internal Goal: 8

McClane's internal goal is to survive and protect others in the building. This reflects his deeper need for redemption and to prove himself as a capable hero.

External Goal: 7

McClane's external goal is to stop the terrorists and save the hostages. This reflects the immediate challenge he is facing in the building.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between McClane and the terrorist is intense and drives the scene forward with high stakes.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with McClane facing off against armed terrorists in a high-stakes situation.

High Stakes: 9

The high stakes of the confrontation between McClane and the terrorist add urgency and tension to the scene.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by escalating the conflict and setting the stage for further action.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists and turns in the character interactions and plot developments.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict is between McClane's sense of duty and the terrorists' disregard for human life. This challenges McClane's beliefs in justice and protection.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes fear, tension, and admiration for McClane's bravery, creating an emotional connection with the audience.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is tense and impactful, reflecting the high-stakes nature of the confrontation.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its high tension, fast-paced action, and suspenseful moments.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by maintaining a sense of urgency and building tension throughout.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings and descriptions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with a clear progression of events and character actions.


Critique
  • The scene is well-written with clear stage directions and dialogue. The tension is built up effectively as McClane realizes the terrorists have inside help and tries to warn someone.
  • The pacing is good, with a sense of urgency as McClane sets off the fire alarm and then hides from Tony.
  • The characterization is strong, with McClane showing his determination and resourcefulness in trying to stop the terrorists.
  • The use of the CB radio to communicate with Powell is a nice touch, adding to the sense of isolation and danger that McClane is experiencing.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more sensory details to the scene, such as sounds, smells, or tactile sensations, to make it more immersive for the reader.
  • Consider adding more internal dialogue from McClane to show his thoughts and feelings as he tries to outsmart the terrorists.
  • Consider adding more description of the other characters, such as Tony, to help the reader visualize them and understand their motivations.
  • Consider adding more tension and suspense to the scene by describing McClane's actions in more detail, such as his movements, expressions, and body language.



Scene 9 -  McClane's Elevator Escape and Call for Backup
86 INT. 34TH FLOOR ELEVATOR CAR - NIGHT 86
Tony's body sits slumped in a secretary's chair — a note
attached to his chest. McClane sits on the floor in front of
him hurriedly lacing up the dead terrorist's boots on his own
; feet. He ties the last lace and tries to take a couple of
i steps. He nearly falls flat. Quickly he starts taking the
boots off.
MCCLANE
A zillion terrorists in the building
and I kill the one with feet smaller
than my sister.
He yanks off the boots and tosses them on Tony's lap, then
pushes buttons for the 33rd and 32nd floors. He slings Tony's
kit bag over his shoulder along with the dead man's machine gun.
A wooden desk ruler protrudes from McClane's back pocket.
The elevator doors close and the car starts down. After it's
dropped only half a floor, McClane forces the doors open with
his fingers — stopping the car between floors.
Using the ruler he blocks open the inside doors, then opens
the outside doors of the floor above (34th) with his fingers
and pulls himself up onto the carpeted floor, then up onto the
roof of the car. Once on the roof of the car he reaches over
the edge and removes the ruler, closing the inside doors and
setting the car in motion again.
87 32ND FLOOR (HOSTAGE FLOOR) - NIGHT 87
The elevator bell rings and Fritz, guarding the area, sees
Tony's body in the chair. Hans comes to the elevator with
Franco, lifts Tony's chin and sees that his neck has been
snapped. He removes the note and reads it aloud.
HANS
'Now I have a machine gun.'
/tfnl£*\

FRITZ
Maybe a security guard we overlooked.
(CONTINUED)
A98
29

87 CONTINUED: 87
Hans lifts Tony's chin again, lets the head flop over.
HANS
Would you do this to someone if you
had a gun?
FRITZ
(slightly spooked)
We have to do something, Hans.
Hans sighs and looks at the dead man.
HANS
Yes...we have to tell Karl his brother
is dead. Tell him to come down.
As Fritz calls Karl on his CB, Hans looks at Franco.
HANS
Franco, take the body upstairs out of
sight. I want these people kept calm
for as long as possible. Come back down
the stairs and check each floor...I want
to see the person who did this.
88 INT. ELEVATOR SHAFT - CAR ROOF - ON MCCLANE - SAME 88
On top of the car, listening to the conversation below. Franco
and Fritz step into the car and the doors on the elevator close.
The car accelerates upward and McClane grabs onto the heavy,
grease-coated cables to keep his balance. Already his clothes
are soiled; his face and feet, arms and hair are dark from the
dirt and sweat.
The car speeds up the shaft — passing the car bringing Karl
down to the hostage floor — and stops at the 40th floor. The
doors open and McClane hears them roll the chair with the body
off the car. McClane looks up.
89 MCCLANE'S P.O.V. 89
A metal catwalk runs around the inside of the elevator shaft.
90 MCCLANE 90
pulls himself up onto it. As he moves along the catwalk
looking for a way out, he passes an unmarked metal door, 2'x3'.
McClane pushes it open and looks in.
91 MCCLANE'S P.O.V. 91
Total darkness.



A98
30
92 MCCLANE 92
z**^ takes out a rifle cartridge from Tony's kit bag and lobs it
1
into the void. It is a full four seconds until we hear its
nonexplosive chatter on the ground below. You don't have to
be a mathematics whiz to know it's a long drop.
MCCLANE
Jesus...
He moves cautiously around a corner and we SEE a metal ladder
leading up to a door marked PUMP ROOM. Opening the door
McClane enters a darkened:
93 PUMP ROOM 93
damp and full of pipes and goes to another door. He cracks the
door and looks out.
94 MCCLANE*S P.O.V. 94
The lower level of the roof. Open and deserted. Only a
heliport above him is higher.
95 32ND FLOOR (HOSTAGE FLOOR) - HOLLY'S OFFICE - SAME 95
CLOSE ON A PAIR OF LARGE HANDS as they squeeze into fists so
^ tight it drains all color from the fingers. Controlled rage.
( We PULL BACK TO REVEAL the hands belong to Karl, who stands
in Hans' office.
KARL
Now.
HANS
(firmly)
No. Theo has not finished. He must
be done before the police arrive.
96 EXT. ROOF - NIGHT 96
McClane climbs to the heliport and leans against the leeward side
of a wall surrounding it. Shielded from wind, he pulls out the
CB, turns to channel nine, and starts broadcasting.
MCCLANE
Mayday, Mayday, tell police terrorists
have seized the Nakatomi building —
97 INT. OFFICE - KCBS-TV - SAME 97
DICK THORNBURG, local TV news reporter, talking on the phone to
his girlfriend also hears the distress call. He stops listening
/i»«»\ to her for a moment and turns up his scanner.
MCCLANE'S VOICE
— I repeat...unknown number of foreign
nationals armed with automatic weapons
A98 (CONTINUED)
31

97 CONTINUED: 97
MCCLANE'S VOICE (Cont.)
are holding at least thirty people
hostage at Nakatomi, Century City...
Somebody answer me, goddamnit!
98 INT. HANS' OFFICE - SAME 98
Hans'and Karl also hear the clear signal over Hans' CB.
HANS
The roof.
99 INT. LOS ANGELES EMERGENCY DISPATCH CENTER - SAME 99
A SUPERVISOR weaves her way back from the break room toward a
DISPATCHER who is monitoring the call.
DISPATCHER
It's the same address we got a
crank fire call at earlier tonight...
SUPERVISOR
I'll handle it.
She plugs in her headset.
SUPERVISOR
(to McClane)
Attention. This is an authorized
police frequency —
MCCLANE'S VOICE
Listen to me, this is an emergency.
I need police backup, now. Tell
police, terrorists have killed one
hostage already —
100 INT. KCBS - ON THORNBURG - SAME 100
listening more closely. On a hunch he reaches over and starts
recording the conversation.
MCCLANE'S VOICE
(o.s.)
— and have the building heavily
fortified.
101 INT. SERVICE ELEVATOR - ON KARL - SAME 101
with Franco and Fritz.
KARL
No one kills him but me.
It's an order and the look he gives the other two backs it up. He
fits a fresh magazine into his rifle as the elevator opens to the
roof.
A98
32

102 EXT. UPPER ROOF - ON MCCLANE - SAME 102
He is almost breathless as he finishes his call.
MCCLANE
...and they have cut all the phone
and emergency communication lines.
That's all the information I have,
now. Over.
He releases the talk button. There is a pause and then his
radio crackles to life again with the Supervisor's voice.
SUPERVISOR'S VOICE
(o.s.)
I repeat. This is an authorized
police frequency. Any unauthorized
use will be investigated by police —
MCCLANE
(to the radio)
Then send them, goddamnit! What the
hell 'you people want — a fucking
engraved invitation!?
Suddenly machine gun shells rip into the concrete wall in front
of him. The noise is deafening as we:
CUT TO:
Genres: ["Action","Thriller"]

Summary John McClane continues his fight against the terrorists in Nakatomi Plaza, taking a dead man's boots, machine gun, and kit bag. He stops the elevator between floors, pries open the doors, and climbs to the roof. On the hostage floor, Hans and his men find Tony's body and realize someone is resisting. McClane, hiding on the elevator roof, hears their conversation and climbs to the roof, using the CB to call for police backup. The scene ends with McClane under fire from Karl.
Strengths
  • Intense action
  • Suspenseful atmosphere
  • Resourceful protagonist
Weaknesses
  • Some cliched dialogue
  • Slightly predictable plot points

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is highly engaging, filled with tension, action, and suspense. It effectively sets up the conflict and showcases the resourcefulness of the protagonist.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of a lone hero facing off against a group of terrorists in a high-rise building is executed with skill and tension. The use of the elevator shaft and rooftop as settings adds to the intensity of the scene.

Plot: 8

The plot advances significantly in this scene as McClane takes action to alert the authorities and confront the terrorists. The stakes are raised, and the tension escalates.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on the action genre by focusing on a lone hero against a group of terrorists in a confined space. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and add depth to the story.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters, especially John McClane and the terrorists, are well-defined and their motivations are clear. McClane's resourcefulness and determination shine through in this scene.

Character Changes: 7

John McClane undergoes a transformation from a weary cop to a determined hero willing to risk everything to save the hostages. The terrorists also show their ruthless nature.

Internal Goal: 8

McClane's internal goal is to survive and protect the hostages, reflecting his deeper need for justice, safety, and heroism.

External Goal: 7

McClane's external goal is to outsmart the terrorists and communicate with the outside world to bring help and stop the threat.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is intense and multi-layered, with physical, emotional, and moral conflicts at play. The confrontation between McClane and the terrorists drives the tension.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the terrorists posing a significant threat to McClane and the hostages, creating suspense and uncertainty.

High Stakes: 10

The stakes are incredibly high in this scene, with lives on the line and the protagonist facing a powerful and dangerous enemy.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by escalating the conflict, raising the stakes, and setting up the climax of the film.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists, character choices, and escalating stakes that keep the audience on edge.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict is between McClane's sense of duty and the terrorists' disregard for human life. It challenges McClane's beliefs in justice and the value of human life.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes fear, tension, and determination in the audience. The high stakes and intense action create a strong emotional impact.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is tense and serves to heighten the suspense of the scene. It effectively conveys the urgency of the situation and the characters' emotions.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its fast-paced action, suspenseful plot developments, and dynamic character interactions.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by maintaining a sense of urgency, building tension, and keeping the audience invested in the outcome.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings, action descriptions, and character dialogue.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with clear action beats, character interactions, and escalating tension.


Critique
  • The scene is too long and has too many subplots.
  • The dialogue is clunky and unnatural.
  • The action is confusing and hard to follow.
  • The characters are not well developed.
  • The overall tone of the scene is too dark and violent.
Suggestions
  • Break the scene into smaller, more manageable chunks.
  • Rewrite the dialogue to make it more natural and engaging.
  • Simplify the action and make it easier to follow.
  • Develop the characters more fully so that the audience can connect with them.
  • Lighten the overall tone of the scene to make it more palatable for a wider audience.



Scene 10 -  McClane's Daring Escape into the Air Shaft
103 INT. DISPATCHER OFFICE - SAME 103
Both Supervisor and Dispatcher reach for their headsets in pain
from the INTENSE SOUND and:
104 INT. KCBS (THORNBURG'S OFFICE) - SAME 104
Thornburg immediately hangs up on his girlfriend and yells over
his shoulder to his assistant in the next room.
THORNBURG
Mary! Call Sam. Tell him I need
a crew, now!
105 EXT. ROOF - ON MCCLANE - SAME 105
Running. Tracer bullets rip into the wall behind him. He
reaches the corner and sees the two other terrorists moving
toward him. Before they see him, he leaps down to the next
level out of range of Karl.
106 INT. EMERGENCY DISPATCH - SAME 106
The Supervisor and Dispatcher listen in stunned silence^ The
shots sounded real enough...
SUPERVISOR
(to Dispatcher)
Have a Black and White do a drive-by.
A98
33
107 INT. 7-11 - ON POWELL 107
f* He puts two packs of pink Hostess "Twinkies" and his police
radio down on the counter in front of a young male CLERK, who
stifles a smile. Another teenage employee behind the counter
also smothers a laugh.
CLERK
Is that...all, Sir?
He tries not to look at Powell for fear of breaking up
altogether.
POWELL
They're for my wife. She's pregnant.
The clerk nods and puts them in a bag. Suddenly Powell's
Police Radio crackles to life.
DISPATCHER'S VOICE/RADIO
6421 to One Adam Ten, over.
Powell picks up the radio.
POWELL
One Adam Ten, go ahead.
DISPATCHER'S VOICE/RADIO
yA|IT?i'*\ Investigate a code two at 15433
Avenue of the Stars.
Powell grabs the bag and immediatley heads for the door as the
two employees break into laughter.
CLERK
Wonder what a 'Code Two' is...cupcake
alert?
108 EXT. ROOF - ON MCCLANE - NIGHT 108
running for his life, from Fritz and Franco, doesn't realize he
is being herded around the building toward Karl. Suddenly
McClane turns a corner and sees Karl. The big man fires a
burst and McClane ducks back stopping at the exterior door to
the pump room he used before. It is locked from the inside.
He blows the lock off with a burst from his machine gun and
slips into the darkness of the:
109 PUMP ROOM - SAME 109
Moving quickly through the pump room, McClane picks his way
over the same ground as a few minutes before and opens the
door to the elevator shaft. The dimly lit shaft yawns before
/?W?>\ him. He starts down the ladder back to the catwalk.




A98
34

110 EXT. THE ROOF - SAME 110
\ Franco and Fritz reach the pump room door and wait for Karl,
who leads the way into the darkness of the pump room.
111 ELEVATOR SHAFT - ON MCCLANE - SAME 111
on the far stretch of catwalk. He turns the corner, out of
view of the pump room door, moves down the back side of the
catwalk past the small air shaft door, and stops — he's
reached a dead end — the catwalk ends, the elevator is gone.
112 INT. PUMP ROOM - ON KARL - SAME 112
His flashlight beam dances around the interior of the room.
He starts to open the door to the elevator shaft when
suddenly their radio crackles with Hans' voice.
HANS' VOICE
Karl? Franco? Where is he?
FRANCO
In the elevator shaft.
*
HANS' VOICE
The elevators are down here. Lock
him in.
Karl doesn't answer.
HANS' VOICE
(more firmly)
Lock him in. That's an o r —
Karl turns off his radio. In the light of their flashlights,
the two other terrorists look at Karl in stunned disbelief.
He opens the door to the elevator shaft.
113 INT. ELEVATOR SHAFT - ON MCCLANE - SAME 113
He backtracks to the air shaft door, strikes the lighter from
Tony's kit bag and looks in.
114 MCCLANE'S P.O.V. 114
The air shaft. The lighter dimly illuminates four walls
of smooth aluminum disappearing into darkness. Moving the
light in further, he sees something else — the dark outline
of a horizontal air conditioning duct — nine feet down the
side and leading into the guts of the building.
35

115 MCCLANE 115
f* extinguishes his light, looks at the strap on his kit bag.
116 INT. ELEVATOR SHAFT (OPPOSITE SIDE) - SAME 116
Karl steps off the ladder to the catwalk and unslings his
machine gun.
117 CLOSE - BRASS CLIPS 117
from McClane's kit bag. One has been clipped to each end of
his machine gun making a long sling.
118 MCCLANE 118
braces the gun across the outside opening of the air shaft door
and lowers himself into the:
119 AIR SHAFT 119
holding onto the canvas sling with his elbows bent, like doing
a chin-up.
His feet slowly move down the smooth aluminum walls until they
reach the top of the air duct, then dangle in the open space.
He straightens his arms to give him length enough to touch the
/fiflJPv, bottom edge of the duct. Suddenly he feels something give way
above him and looks up.
120 CLOSE ON THE CLIPS 120
Slowly the brass clips start bending under McClane's weight.
121 ON KARL 121
He moves steadily toward the corner.
122 CLOSE - MCCLANE'S TOES 122
now only inches from the bottom edge. McClane's arms are fully
extended now. He hears Karl on the metal catwalk. His muscles
strain and quiver.
123 THE CLIPS 123
They are opening wider until one side bends all the way back —
and snaps.
124 ON MCCLANE 124
falling. He grabs the ledge of the air duct as he falls and
his body slams into the aluminum wall with.a echoing BOOM.
Above him on the catwalk the rifle rattles on the metal outside
the door.


A98 .
36
125 ON KARL 125
{***• Around the corner Karl freezes, unsure of the sound, then starts
slowly for the corner.
126 ON MCCLANE 126
holding onto the ledge by his hands. With every ounce of
strength he tries to pull himself up into the horizontal duct,
clawing for a hold.
127 ON KARL 127
He rounds the corner and sees McClane's rifle lying beneath the
doorway. He moves to the small door, shines his light and aims
his rifle down into the air shaft ready to fire.
128 HIS P.O.V. 128
The shaft is deserted. Moving his light around he sees the air
duck. Without hesitation he turns and backtracks to the pump
room door.
Genres: ["Action","Thriller"]

Summary In this tense and action-packed scene, McClane continues his rooftop run from the terrorists, entering the pump room and climbing down the elevator shaft. He then lowers himself into an air shaft, but one of the clips gives way, causing him to fall and grab the ledge of the duct. Meanwhile, the terrorists Karl, Franco, and Fritz reach the pump room and enter the elevator shaft, with Karl discovering McClane's rifle. The scene ends with McClane hanging onto the ledge of the air duct, still evading the terrorists.
Strengths
  • Intense action sequences
  • Complex characters
  • Suspenseful tone
Weaknesses
  • Some cliched dialogue
  • Occasional pacing issues

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is highly engaging, filled with tension, and sets up the main conflict of the story effectively.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a lone hero facing a group of terrorists in a high-rise building is well-executed and keeps the audience on the edge of their seats.

Plot: 9

The plot is intricate, with multiple layers of conflict and escalating tension that drive the narrative forward.

Originality: 9

The scene features unique situations such as McClane's creative tactics to evade the terrorists and the use of different locations to create a dynamic and engaging sequence. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-developed, with distinct motivations and personalities that add depth to the story.

Character Changes: 7

John McClane undergoes a transformation from a weary cop to a determined hero as he faces the terrorists.

Internal Goal: 8

McClane's internal goal is to survive and outsmart the terrorists who are hunting him. This reflects his deeper need for self-preservation and protection of others.

External Goal: 7

McClane's external goal is to evade the terrorists and find a way to defeat them. This reflects the immediate challenge he is facing in the scene.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict is intense and multi-layered, driving the tension and stakes of the scene.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the terrorists posing a significant threat to McClane and creating obstacles that he must overcome to survive.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high as innocent lives are at risk, and the protagonist must confront a dangerous enemy to save the day.

Story Forward: 9

The scene propels the story forward by introducing the main conflict and setting up the action-packed sequences to come.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists and turns in McClane's actions and the terrorists' reactions, keeping the audience guessing about the outcome.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between McClane's belief in justice and the terrorists' disregard for human life. This challenges McClane's values and worldview.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes fear, suspense, and empathy for the characters, creating an emotional connection with the audience.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is sharp and serves to reveal character dynamics and advance the plot.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its fast-paced action, suspenseful moments, and high stakes that keep the audience on the edge of their seats.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by maintaining a sense of urgency and momentum, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the outcome.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 7

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings and descriptions that help visualize the action.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with a clear progression of events and a build-up of tension leading to a climax.


Critique
    Suggestions



      Scene 11 -  McClane's Narrow Escape in the Air Ducts
      129 INT. AIR CONDITIONING DUCT - ON MCCLANE - SAME 129
      He lies exhausted and motionless in the narrow crawl space.
      He awkwardly fishes out the lighter from his shirt pocket and
      ^rx flicks it on.
      130 HIS P.O.V. 130
      Not for claustrophobics — a long, dark and narrow corridor.
      There's no light at the end.
      MCCLANE
      (dryly)
      Whew...for a moment there I
      was worried.
      He turns out his lighter and starts crawling.
      131 INT. PUMP ROOM 131
      Karl climbs the ladder to the pump room door where Franco and
      Fritz wait.
      KARL
      Quickly...Follow me.
      He moves through the pump room and goes outside.
      132 INT. AIR DUCT - SAME 132
      McClane crawls to a'junction. To his right he sees a vent twenty
      feet away. The light looks' wonderful to him and he moves towards
      it.

      CUT TO:
      A98
      37
      133 INT. LOWER ROOF - MACHINE FLOOR - SAME 133.
      Karl opens the door from the roof Franco and Fritz behind him.
      He points to a series of rooms near the elevator shaft and the
      three men split up, each going to a separate room. Karl opens
      the door to the:
      134 MACHINE ROOM 134
      and looks up. The ceiling is crisscrossed with air ducts.
      He fires a burst into the ducts.
      135 INT. AIR DUCT - SAME 135
      McClane remains motionless in the air duct. Three quarter-sized
      holes inches from his face show how close Karl came to nailing
      him. Sweat covers his face, drips silently onto the aluminum.
      136 MACHINE ROOM 136
      !*
      / Karl listens patiently for sound. Just then the two other
      terrorists return.
      FRANCO
      Nothing.
      Karl hesitates a moment, fighting his instincts before finally
      /$£\ turning to go. Suddenly the duct McClane is in groans slightly
      under his weight. Karl stops and looks up at the matrix of
      aluminum duct work, trying to single out the source of the sound,
      He steps back into the room and raises his rifle. Holding it
      upright he presses the barrel up into the belly of McClane's air
      duct, feeling for weight — the weight of a body.
      137 INSIDE THE AIR DUCT 137
      McClane sees the indention of the barrel pressing into the
      aluminum fifteen feet away. There is a pause and another
      indention three feet closer. He can hear Karl's footsteps on
      the concrete — moving slowly below the duct.
      138 ON KARL 138
      His eyes are fixed above him on the air duct. He presses the
      barrel up again. Still nothing.
      139 ON MCCLANE 139
      Silently he moves his hand to his breast and slowly draws his
      Beretta. The next indention presses up six feet away. McClane
      points his gun downward and waits.
      /&*• 140 KARL 14 0
      stops directly below him. The barrel starts up and just touches
      the duct under McClane when Franco returns to the door and calls.
      (CONTINUED)
      A98
      38

      140 CONTINUED: 140
      /fffift\
      FRANCO
      Karl! Police! Come now.
      Karl hesitates then lowers his gun and leaves.
      141 CLOSE - MCCLANE 141
      He hears the door close and lowers his head.
      Genres: ["Action","Thriller"]

      Summary John McClane crawls through the air ducts of the Nakatomi Plaza building, exhausted but determined to evade the terrorists searching for him. As Karl, Franco, and Fritz split up and search the lower roof and machine floor, Karl shoots at the air ducts nearly hitting McClane. However, Franco calls Karl away before he can discover McClane's location. The scene ends with McClane waiting with his gun ready as Karl leaves the area.
      Strengths
      • Intense action
      • Suspenseful atmosphere
      • Strong protagonist vs. antagonist dynamic
      Weaknesses
      • Minimal dialogue
      • Limited character development

      Ratings
      Overall

      Overall: 9

      The scene is highly engaging, filled with suspense, action, and danger. It keeps the audience on the edge of their seats with the intense escape sequence and the cat-and-mouse game between McClane and the terrorists.


      Story Content

      Concept: 9

      The concept of a lone hero trying to outsmart a group of terrorists in a confined space is executed brilliantly in this scene. The use of the air duct as a setting for the escape adds a unique and thrilling element to the action.

      Plot: 8

      The plot of the scene revolves around McClane's attempt to evade the terrorists and warn others of the threat. The tension builds as he narrowly avoids detection and tries to outsmart his enemies.

      Originality: 9

      The scene showcases originality through its unique setting in an air duct, the use of a lighter for illumination, and the strategic positioning of characters. The dialogue and actions feel authentic and contribute to the tension.


      Character Development

      Characters: 7

      The characters in the scene, particularly John McClane and the terrorists, are well-defined and drive the action forward. McClane's resourcefulness and determination shine through, while the terrorists' ruthlessness adds to the stakes.

      Character Changes: 6

      While there is not a significant character arc in this scene, we see McClane's determination and resourcefulness in action as he navigates the dangerous situation. His quick thinking and bravery are highlighted.

      Internal Goal: 8

      McClane's internal goal in this scene is survival and evasion. His deeper need is to protect himself and potentially others from the terrorists, reflecting his desire for safety and security.

      External Goal: 7

      McClane's external goal is to avoid detection by the terrorists and potentially thwart their plans. This goal reflects the immediate challenge he faces in the dangerous situation.


      Scene Elements

      Conflict Level: 9

      The conflict in the scene is intense and constant, as McClane faces off against the terrorists in a life-or-death struggle. The stakes are high, and the tension is palpable as he tries to outwit his enemies.

      Opposition: 8

      The opposition in the scene is strong, with McClane facing the constant threat of discovery by the terrorists.

      High Stakes: 9

      The stakes are incredibly high in this scene, as McClane's life and the lives of the hostages are in danger. The intense action and suspense keep the audience invested in the outcome.

      Story Forward: 8

      The scene moves the story forward by escalating the conflict and raising the stakes for McClane and the hostages. It sets the stage for the final showdown between the hero and the villains.

      Unpredictability: 8

      This scene is unpredictable because of the constant threat of discovery and the strategic movements of the characters.

      Philosophical Conflict: 6

      The philosophical conflict in this scene is the clash between McClane's values of justice and the terrorists' values of violence and control. This challenges McClane's beliefs in law and order.


      Audience Engagement

      Emotional Impact: 8

      The scene elicits a strong emotional response from the audience, as they root for McClane to succeed in his escape and thwart the terrorists' plans. The danger and suspense create a sense of urgency and fear.

      Dialogue: 6

      The dialogue in the scene is minimal but effective, conveying the urgency and danger of the situation. The lack of unnecessary chatter adds to the tension and keeps the focus on the action.

      Engagement: 9

      This scene is engaging because of its high stakes, suspenseful atmosphere, and strategic character interactions.

      Pacing: 9

      The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building suspense and maintaining a sense of urgency.


      Technical Aspect

      Formatting: 7

      The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings and descriptions.

      Structure: 8

      The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, building tension and suspense through strategic pacing and character actions.


      Critique
      • The scene is too long and lacks focus. It would be more effective if it were shorter and more focused on McClane's journey through the air duct.
      • The dialogue is stilted and unnatural. It would be more effective if it were more conversational and less expository.
      • The action is confusing and hard to follow. It would be more effective if it were more clearly staged and choreographed.
      • The scene lacks tension and suspense. It would be more effective if it were more suspenseful and had a stronger sense of danger.
      • The ending of the scene is anticlimactic. It would be more effective if it were more exciting and left the reader wanting more.
      Suggestions
      • Cut the scene down to a shorter length and focus on McClane's journey through the air duct.
      • Rewrite the dialogue to make it more conversational and less expository.
      • Restage and choreograph the action to make it more clear and easy to follow.
      • Add more tension and suspense to the scene by increasing the stakes and making the danger more real.
      • Rewrite the ending of the scene to make it more exciting and leave the reader wanting more.



      Scene 12 -  Aggressive Reporter Disrupts Pre-Christmas News Broadcast
      142 INT. KCBS - CONTROL BOOTH - NIGHT 142
      Dick Thornburg and his news editor, SAM, in the control booth
      where we're in the countdown to the 11 o'clock news.
      THORNBURG
      What do you mean you can't cut
      1
      me a crew?
      / SAM
      I mean people want to go home for
      christsake...it's Christmas Eve.
      THORNBURG
      Sam, I heard shots five minutes ago.
      We've got to move on it.
      SAM
      I've got Simon swinging by from the
      Santa Sing on Melrose. If it's
      anything we'll cut to him...
      From behind the news desk pretty-boy anchorman, HARVEY JOHNSON,
      looks up at the booth, calls to Sam over his mike.
      HARVEY
      (panicked)
      Sam, I don't have the Gladden report!
      SAM
      (over the booth mike,
      to Harvey)
      Keep your pants on Harvey.
      (to the A.D.)
      What've we got?
      ASST. DIRECTOR
      Fifteen seconds.
      Sam finds the news report in his stack of papers and starts out
      of the booth with Thornburg on his heels. We FOLLOW.
      (CONTINUED)




      A98
      39

      142 CONTINUED: 142
      THORNBURG
      (angrily)
      I'm not sitting on this for Simon,
      I'm going out there! And if you
      don't cut me a goddamn truck, I'm
      going to the parking lot and steal
      one!
      Both news anchors, Sam and all the floor personnel look up.
      They're in their final seconds. The FLOOR MANAGER worriedly
      counts off, "9...8.. .7. .. " Harvey looks angrily at Thornburg.
      HARVEY
      Give us a break how 'bout it,
      Thornburg.
      FLOOR MANAGER
      ...Four, Three —
      THORNBURG
      Eat a big one, Harve.
      FLOOR MANAGER
      ...One.
      He points at Harvey who automatically smiles as the red light
      goes on, but it's obvious Thornburg has wrecked his concentration
      HARVEY
      (beat)
      Uhh...Good evening, this is...
      Harvey...Johnson.
      WOMAN
      And I'm Gail Wallens, and this
      is Nightline News at Eleven.
      The program rolls its intro tape and Harvey shoots Thornburg a
      look that could kill. Thornburg smiles at his handiwork.
      SAM
      (sharply, to Thornburg)
      Take Roberts and number four and
      get the hell out of here.
      Genres: ["Action","Thriller","Drama"]

      Summary Dick Thornburg, a persistent news reporter, demands a crew to cover a shooting incident on Christmas Eve, causing tension and chaos in the KCBS control booth. Despite the crew's desire to go home, Thornburg's insistence and threat to steal a news truck forces the news editor, Sam, to assign him a crew. Meanwhile, the anchorman, Harvey Johnson, realizes he doesn't have the Gladden report, adding to the chaos. The scene ends with Thornburg leaving the control booth and the Nightline News beginning its broadcast with a flustered Harvey.
      Strengths
      • Tension-building
      • Sharp dialogue
      • Character development
      • High stakes
      • Emotional impact
      Weaknesses
      • Complexity of plot
      • Potential for confusion with multiple storylines

      Ratings
      Overall

      Overall: 9

      The scene effectively builds tension and sets up the escalating conflict, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the unfolding events. The mix of different tones and sentiments adds depth to the scene, making it compelling and impactful.


      Story Content

      Concept: 8

      The concept of a high-stakes hostage situation with a lone hero fighting against a group of terrorists is well-executed, setting up a thrilling and intense narrative that drives the action forward.

      Plot: 9

      The plot is intricate and engaging, with multiple storylines converging to create a sense of urgency and danger. The escalating conflict and high stakes keep the audience on the edge of their seats.

      Originality: 9

      The scene presents a fresh approach to the familiar setting of a newsroom, with unique character dynamics and conflicts. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality.


      Character Development

      Characters: 8

      The characters are well-defined and their motivations are clear, adding depth to the unfolding events. John McClane's determination and resourcefulness stand out, driving the action forward.

      Character Changes: 7

      John McClane undergoes a transformation from a weary cop to a determined hero, as he navigates through the escalating danger and takes on the terrorists. His actions and decisions shape the outcome of the scene.

      Internal Goal: 8

      The protagonist's internal goal is to prioritize getting the news story despite the holiday and personal obstacles. This reflects his dedication to his job and the importance he places on breaking news stories.

      External Goal: 7

      The protagonist's external goal is to secure a crew and equipment to cover the breaking news story. This reflects the immediate challenge he faces in getting the story out to the public.


      Scene Elements

      Conflict Level: 9

      The conflict in the scene is intense and multi-layered, with characters facing internal and external challenges that drive the narrative forward. The escalating danger and high stakes create a sense of urgency and tension.

      Opposition: 8

      The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist facing obstacles from his colleagues and time constraints, creating suspense and conflict.

      High Stakes: 9

      The stakes in the scene are high, with characters facing life-threatening situations and difficult choices. The escalating danger and intense conflict raise the stakes and create a sense of urgency and tension.

      Story Forward: 9

      The scene moves the story forward significantly, setting up the central conflict and establishing the stakes for the characters. The unfolding events drive the narrative towards a climactic confrontation.

      Unpredictability: 7

      This scene is unpredictable due to the protagonist's unexpected actions and the tension between characters, creating uncertainty about the outcome.

      Philosophical Conflict: 7

      There is a conflict between the protagonist's dedication to his job and the holiday obligations of his colleagues. This challenges his values and priorities.


      Audience Engagement

      Emotional Impact: 8

      The scene evokes a range of emotions, from anxiety and fear to determination and resolve. The high stakes and intense conflict create a sense of emotional investment in the characters and their fates.

      Dialogue: 8

      The dialogue is sharp and intense, reflecting the urgency and tension of the situation. It effectively conveys the conflicting emotions and motivations of the characters, adding depth to the scene.

      Engagement: 9

      This scene is engaging due to its fast-paced dialogue, high stakes, and conflict between characters, keeping the audience invested in the outcome.

      Pacing: 9

      The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by maintaining a sense of urgency and tension, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the outcome.


      Technical Aspect

      Formatting: 8

      The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with clear scene headings and dialogue formatting.

      Structure: 8

      The scene follows the expected format for a fast-paced, tension-filled newsroom setting, with clear progression and conflict resolution.


      Critique
      • The scene is a bit slow and doesn't advance the plot. It could be cut or shortened to make the movie more fast-paced.
      • The dialogue is a bit forced and unnatural. It doesn't sound like the way real people would talk.
      • The characters are not very well-developed. We don't know much about them or their motivations.
      • The scene doesn't really add anything to the story. It could be removed without losing anything important.
      Suggestions
      • Cut the scene or shorten it to make the movie more fast-paced.
      • Rewrite the dialogue to make it more natural and authentic.
      • Develop the characters more by giving them more backstory and motivations.
      • Add something to the scene that advances the plot or adds to the story.



      Scene 13 -  McClane's Assault and Powell's Arrival
      143 EXT. CENTURY CITY - AVENUE OF THE STARS - NIGHT 143
      The street is empty, quiet. A lone police black-and-white pulls
      out of the shadows of a side street and begins a slow cruise
      toward the Nakatomi building.




      A98
      40
      144 ON POWELL 144
      f* Driving, alone. He stares up at the dark tower. It seems calm.
      Lights on the 32nd and 40th floors. Powell slows to a stop and
      scans the premises. In the lobby we SEE Heinz, sitting behind
      the desk. Powell reports to his radio.
      POWELL
      Guard inside. No signs of
      disturbance'... I' m going up for
      a closer look.
      He pulls in and parks in the front.
      145 INT. MACHINE ROOM - SAME 145
      McClane punches out a ceiling vent and drops down into the
      machine room. For a moment he stands, listening for sounds
      of movement. The floor is quiet. He goes to the stairwell.
      146 EXT. ROOF - SAME 146
      The edge of the roof. Suddenly a tall terrorist, HEINRICH,
      moves along the wall and looks over at Powell's car.
      147 INT. 3RD FLOOR - SAME 147
      The elevator doors open and Karl, Franco and Fritz step out
      onto the darkened floor. We SEE large number "3" painted on
      the doors of this floor. They move quickly toward the windows
      on the Avenue of the Stars side where a terrorist, ALEXANDER,
      with a BAR rifle has set up a machine gun nest. Directly below
      him we SEE Powell's car.
      148 32ND FLOOR (HANS'OFFICE) - SAME 148
      Hans watches from above. He raises his CB.
      HANS
      (his usual calm)
      Heinz ?
      149 INT. LOBBY - SAME 149
      Heinz picks up his CB. He watches Powell coming up the stairs
      toward the door.

      HEINZ
      (to CB)
      Yes?
      HANS' VOICE
      Let him in.




      A98
      41

      150 EXT. FRONT DOOR OF NAKATOMI - SAME 150
      Powell tries the front doors. Locked. Heinz comes hustling
      across and unlocks the door.
      HEINZ
      Something wrong officer?
      Powell steps in and looks around.
      POWELL
      We got an emergency call that
      there was a problem here.
      151 INT. 40TH FLOOR - BOARD ROOM - SAME 151
      McClane makes his way to the Avenue of the Stars side of the
      building, enters the board room where Rivers was shot. McClane
      goes to the windows and looks down at the street.
      i
      . / 152 HIS P.O.V. 152
      Powell's car.
      MCCLANE
      It's about time.
      1
      ^N He lifts one of the big chairs and swings it at the window.
      , ( The tempered glass whitens on the first blow.
      153 EXT. ROOF - SAME 153
      HEINRICH, the terrorist on the roof hears a SOUND and looks
      down and sees the board room window crack from McClane's blow.
      He lifts his CB.
      154 INT. LOBBY 154
      Heinz watches confidently as Powell moves through the lobby
      looking for signs of trouble. Suddenly, Heinz notices a pool
      of blood from the shooting of the desk guard next to sign-in
      table. He looks up just as Powell starts toward him.
      155 BOARD ROOM - 40TH FLOOR 155
      McClane draws the chair back for the final hit when a terrorist
      (MARCO) appears at the door. Both men react, but Marco already
      has his gun up. He fires a round at McClane. The bullets rip
      into the table top and the chair, and McClane goes down behind
      the table.
      156 INT. 39TH FLOOR - SAFE ROOM 156
      Theo, now in goggles, uses a huge machine to bore quarter-size
      holes into the safe. He turns it off hears the gunshots on the
      floor above. He moves into the outside room to listen better,
      then looks back at.his kit bags of equipment as if making a
      decision.
      A98
      42
      157 INT. 40TH FLOOR - BOARD ROOM 157
      Marco smiles and moves around to the other side of the table,
      but finds no body. He looks around frantically then squats
      beneath the table and sees:
      158 MCCLANE 158
      lying prone, his pistol trained on him.
      MCCLANE
      Drop it.
      159 BOARD ROOM DOORWAY 159
      Just then Heinrich, the terrorist on the roof, steps into,
      the doorway. He sees McClane and starts to fire, but McClane
      fires twice and kills him. Marco springs on top of the huge
      table. McClane rolls on his back so he can cover either angle
      ! but it is clear that Marco is in the more enviable position.
      /
      160 ON MARCO 160
      on the tabletop slams in a fresh magazine and smiles.
      MARCO
      You should have killed me when
      /«"*, you had the chance...
      He leans his machine gun over the edge.
      161 MCCLANE 161
      aims directly above him and fires twice into the underside of
      the table. The bullets rip through the table and Marco.
      162 SAFE ROOM - ON THEO 162
      On the SOUND OF THE GUNSHOTS, he stops, listens.
      Genres: ["Action","Thriller"]

      Summary Powell, a police officer, arrives at the Nakatomi building and enters after being let in by Heinz. Meanwhile, McClane continues his assault on the building, making his way to the board room on the 40th floor and breaking a window to signal his presence. Marco, a terrorist, confronts McClane in the board room, leading to a shootout in which McClane kills Heinrich and wounds Marco. Theo continues to work on opening the safe in a separate room. The scene ends with McClane and Marco exchanging gunfire and Theo still working on the safe.
      Strengths
      • Intense action sequences
      • High-stakes conflict
      • Engaging plot progression
      • Well-defined characters
      Weaknesses
      • Some cliched dialogue
      • Predictable moments

      Ratings
      Overall

      Overall: 9

      The scene is highly engaging, filled with tension, action, and suspense. It effectively sets up the conflict and showcases the protagonist's resourcefulness and determination.


      Story Content

      Concept: 8

      The concept of a lone hero facing off against a group of terrorists in a high-rise building is well-executed, creating a thrilling and intense atmosphere.

      Plot: 9

      The plot is well-developed, with a clear progression of events that build tension and suspense. The stakes are high, and the conflict is engaging.

      Originality: 9

      The scene is original in its depiction of a lone hero facing off against a group of terrorists in a high-rise building. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and add to the tension of the scene.


      Character Development

      Characters: 8

      The characters are well-defined, with the protagonist showing determination and resourcefulness in the face of danger. The terrorists are portrayed as ruthless and menacing.

      Character Changes: 7

      The protagonist undergoes a transformation from a vulnerable position to a more empowered and strategic one as he navigates the dangerous situation.

      Internal Goal: 8

      McClane's internal goal is to protect the people inside the building and stop the terrorists. This reflects his deeper need for redemption and to prove himself as a capable hero.

      External Goal: 7

      McClane's external goal is to defeat the terrorists and save the hostages. This reflects the immediate challenge he is facing and the danger present in the situation.


      Scene Elements

      Conflict Level: 9

      The conflict in the scene is intense and high-stakes, with the protagonist facing off against a group of dangerous terrorists. The tension is palpable throughout.

      Opposition: 8

      The opposition in the scene is strong, with McClane facing off against multiple terrorists in a high-stakes situation where the outcome is uncertain.

      High Stakes: 9

      The stakes are extremely high in the scene, with the protagonist's life and the lives of others at risk. The danger posed by the terrorists creates a sense of urgency and tension.

      Story Forward: 9

      The scene significantly moves the story forward by escalating the conflict, raising the stakes, and showcasing the protagonist's actions and decisions in response to the threat.

      Unpredictability: 8

      This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists and turns in the action, keeping the audience guessing about the outcome.

      Philosophical Conflict: 7

      The philosophical conflict in this scene is between the terrorists' ruthless pursuit of their goals and McClane's determination to protect innocent lives. This challenges McClane's beliefs in justice and the value of human life.


      Audience Engagement

      Emotional Impact: 8

      The scene evokes a range of emotions, including fear, tension, and admiration for the protagonist's bravery. The high stakes and intense action contribute to the emotional impact.

      Dialogue: 7

      The dialogue is tense and impactful, conveying the urgency and danger of the situation. It effectively reveals the characters' motivations and personalities.

      Engagement: 9

      This scene is engaging because of its fast-paced action, high stakes, and suspenseful atmosphere that keeps the audience on the edge of their seats.

      Pacing: 9

      The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by maintaining a sense of urgency and tension throughout, keeping the audience engaged.


      Technical Aspect

      Formatting: 8

      The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings, action lines, and dialogue formatting.

      Structure: 8

      The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution that drive the narrative forward.


      Critique
      • The scene is too long. It could be shortened by cutting out some of the unnecessary dialogue and action.
      • The scene is too slow-paced. It could be sped up by adding some more action or suspense.
      • The scene is too predictable. The audience can guess what is going to happen next.
      • The scene is too confusing. The audience may not be able to follow what is happening.
      • The scene is too violent. It may be too much for some viewers.
      Suggestions
      • Cut out some of the unnecessary dialogue and action.
      • Add some more action or suspense.
      • Make the scene less predictable.
      • Make the scene less confusing.
      • Tone down the violence.



      Scene 14 -  Powell's Unaware Escalation: From Lobby to Car
      163 INT. LOBBY - SAME 163
      Powell comes back to Heinz — moving steadily toward the table
      and the pool of blood. He pauses next to the table, his shoe
      just touching the blood, but he doesn't see it.
      HEINZ
      What exactly are you looking for?
      POWELL
      Well, we got a report of a
      terrorist takeover.
      HEINZ
      (grins slowly,
      looks around)
      Ain't no Arabs in here.

      A9g (CONTINUED)
      43

      163 CONTINUED: 163
      /*v . POWELL
      No, I guess not...Well, I got a
      pregnant wife at home wondering
      what the hell's keeping her Twinkies...
      (a slip, sees Heinz's
      puzzled look)
      Forget it. Merry Christmas.
      HEINZ
      Merry Christmas.
      Powell starts toward the door. Heinz watches him and sees the
      cop's first three steps leave bloody footprints, but Powell
      doesn't see.
      164 INT. 40TH FLOOR BOARD ROOM - SAME 164
      McClane rolls out from under the table, goes to the windows,
      and looks down in time to see Powell close his car door.
      MCCLANE
      Oh, man, don't even think about it.
      He looks over his shoulder at the body of Marco.
      /*N 165 INT. POWELL'S POLICE CAR - SAME 165
      Powell checks-in on his radio.
      POWELL
      One Adam-nine to 6421. Code
      four on that 436. Requesting
      code eight. Over.
      He releases the talk button and loosens his tie as he waits for
      confirmation.
      POWELL
      (singing softly)
      Ohhhh, you better watch out, you
      better not cry —
      DISPATCHER'S VOICE/RADIO
      Roger, One Adam-nine. Clear to
      code eight.
      Powell hangs up the radio and puts the car into reverse.
      POWELL
      (to himself)
      f« Thank you. Sir...
      (CONTINUED)


      A98
      44
      165 CONTINUED: 165
      f* POWELL (Cont.)
      (singing again louder)
      ...you better not pout I'm telling
      you why...Santa Claus is coming to —
      Suddenly Marco's body crashes onto the hood of his car.
      POWELL
      (terrified)
      Shit!
      (grabbing for his
      radio)
      6421, this is One Adam-nine —
      Suddenly a barrage of machine gun fire from the 3rd floor drowns
      out his call. Powell ducks and flattens against the seat as
      bullets blow out the front window, covering him in glass. His
      radio comes back, calmly.
      DISPATCHER'S VOICE/RADIO
      Roger, One Adam-nine, please repeat.
      But Powell accelerates in reverse away from the building,
      keeping his head low and praying he doesn't hit anything as
      the bullets follow him digging into asphalt. A half block away
      his car runs up onto the sidewalk and crashes into a store front.
      Powell sits up and clutches the mike.
      POWELL
      One Adam-nine, under automatic rifle
      fire at Nakatomi! Requesting
      immediate backup and SWAT assistance...
      Genres: ["Action","Thriller","Drama"]

      Summary Powell (a cop) returns to the Nakatomi building's lobby, missing the pool of blood but leaving bloody footprints. He converses with Heinz about the supposed terrorist takeover, remaining oblivious. Meanwhile, McClane observes Powell from the 40th floor. After checking in on his radio, Powell heads to his car, where Marco's body lands, prompting him to drive away in fear and request backup.
      Strengths
      • Intense action
      • Suspenseful atmosphere
      • Strong character dynamics
      • High-stakes conflict
      Weaknesses
      • Some cliched dialogue
      • Occasional predictable plot points

      Ratings
      Overall

      Overall: 9

      The scene is highly engaging, with a perfect blend of action, suspense, and drama. The intense conflict, emotional impact, and high stakes make it a standout moment in the screenplay.


      Story Content

      Concept: 8

      The concept of a lone hero facing a group of terrorists in a high-rise building is executed brilliantly, creating a tense and thrilling scenario. The idea of a cop trying to save the day against all odds is compelling and well-developed.

      Plot: 9

      The plot is well-structured and keeps the audience invested in the unfolding events. The escalating tension, the introduction of new obstacles, and the hero's struggle against the terrorists all contribute to a gripping narrative.

      Originality: 9

      The scene introduces a fresh take on the action genre by incorporating humor and personal stakes for the protagonist. The dialogue feels authentic and adds depth to the characters.


      Character Development

      Characters: 8

      The characters are well-defined, with John McClane standing out as a strong, resourceful protagonist. The terrorists are menacing and formidable, adding depth to the conflict. The interactions between the characters drive the tension and drama of the scene.

      Character Changes: 7

      John McClane undergoes a transformation from a weary cop to a determined hero as he confronts the terrorists and fights to save the hostages. His character arc is compelling and adds depth to the narrative.

      Internal Goal: 8

      The protagonist's internal goal is to maintain his composure and professionalism in the face of danger, as seen in his interactions with Heinz and his internal monologue about his pregnant wife.

      External Goal: 9

      The protagonist's external goal is to survive the terrorist attack and call for backup, as shown through his actions and dialogue.


      Scene Elements

      Conflict Level: 9

      The conflict in the scene is intense and multi-layered, with physical, emotional, and moral challenges for the characters. The clash between McClane and the terrorists creates a palpable sense of danger and urgency.

      Opposition: 9

      The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist facing multiple obstacles and threats that keep the audience on edge.

      High Stakes: 10

      The stakes in the scene are incredibly high, with lives on the line and the threat of a terrorist attack looming. The danger faced by the characters creates a sense of urgency and importance to the events unfolding.

      Story Forward: 9

      The scene propels the story forward at a rapid pace, introducing new challenges and obstacles for the characters to overcome. The escalating tension and action drive the narrative towards a climactic resolution.

      Unpredictability: 8

      This scene is unpredictable due to the sudden escalation of violence and unexpected obstacles faced by the protagonist.

      Philosophical Conflict: 7

      The philosophical conflict is between the protagonist's duty as a police officer and his personal life, as he struggles to balance the two in a life-threatening situation.


      Audience Engagement

      Emotional Impact: 8

      The scene evokes strong emotions of fear, tension, and suspense, keeping the audience emotionally engaged throughout. The life-and-death stakes and the hero's struggle elicit a powerful response from viewers.

      Dialogue: 7

      The dialogue is sharp and impactful, conveying the characters' emotions and motivations effectively. The exchanges between McClane and the terrorists add to the intensity of the scene.

      Engagement: 9

      This scene is engaging because of its fast-paced action, witty dialogue, and high stakes.

      Pacing: 9

      The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by maintaining tension and keeping the audience engaged.


      Technical Aspect

      Formatting: 8

      The scene follows standard formatting for a screenplay, making it easy to visualize and understand.

      Structure: 8

      The scene follows a traditional structure for an action sequence, building tension and escalating the stakes.


      Critique
      • The dialogue between Heinz and Powell is a bit clunky and unnatural. It doesn't really advance the plot or provide any new information, and it doesn't give us much insight into the characters either.
      • The scene doesn't really have a clear purpose or goal. It's mostly just a lot of back-and-forth between Powell and Heinz, with no real resolution or payoff.
      • The scene is too long and could be cut down without losing any important information.
      • The scene doesn't really add anything to the story and could be cut without affecting the overall plot.
      Suggestions
      • Rewrite the dialogue between Heinz and Powell to make it more natural and engaging. Give them something more interesting to talk about, or have them interact in a way that reveals more about their characters.
      • Add a clear purpose or goal to the scene. What do you want to achieve with this scene? What information do you want to convey to the audience?
      • Cut down the scene by removing any unnecessary dialogue or action. Focus on the most important moments and get rid of anything that doesn't add to the story.
      • Consider cutting the scene altogether if it doesn't add anything to the story. If the information in the scene can be conveyed in another way, or if the scene doesn't contribute to the overall plot, it may be better to cut it.



      Scene 15 -  McClane Spares Theo and Communicates with Powell
      166 INT. 40TH FLOOR - BOARD ROOM 166
      McClane looks down at Powell and grins.
      MCCLANE
      Welcome to the party, boys.
      We've been missing you.
      167 EXT. KCBS NEWS TRUCK - CENTURY CITY - NIGHT 167
      Sirens wail as police cars arrive and barricades go up. The
      KCBS news truck pulls up to a prime location.
      168 INT. HOSTAGE WING - ON ELLIS - SAME 168
      He leans back and closes his eyes, luxuriating in the
      sound of WAILING POLICE SIRENS.
      ELLIS
      I never thought I'd love to
      hear that sound.


      A98
      45

      169 HANS' OFFICE 169
      f* Stands by the window looking out at the arriving police cars
      when suddenly his CB crackles to life.
      MCCLANE'S VOICE
      (o.s.)
      Hey, Hans? Hope you got a good
      view of this?
      HANS
      (to CB)
      Congratulations, Mr. Barefoot
      man on bringing reinforcements
      even if they can't help you.
      170 INT. 40TH FLOOR - ON MCCLANE - SAME 170
      Moving down the corridor. Now armed with Marco's machine gun
      < and carrying his kit bag, he seems more lethal.
      MCCLANE
      (to Hans, CB)
      We'll see about that, buddy.
      He turns off his radio and turns a corner when a door in front
      of him suddenly swings open and Theo stands unarmed in the
      doorway. McClane seems only a hairbreadth from firing but the
      sight of the clean-cut man, not unlike a junior executive,
      causes him to suddenly lower his gun.
      MCCLANE
      Jesus...You nearly gave me a
      fucking heart attack.
      Theo, realizing McClane doesn't suspect him of being one of the
      group, suddenly grins.
      THEO
      (seeing McClane's
      badge)
      Thank God, you're here...
      MCCLANE
      Hey, I ain't the cavalry, fella.
      C'mon we've got to keep moving.
      He pushes Theo ahead of him and they move down the hall.
      171 INT. 32ND FLOOR - SAME 171
      Karl steps off the elevator and goes through the crowd of hostages
      to report to Hans.
      (CONTINUED)


      A98
      46
      171 CONTINUED: 171
      KARL *
      He killed Marco and threw his
      body out the window. Heinrich and
      Theo don't answer their calls.
      Suddenly they hear Powell's voice over the CB.
      POWELL'S VOICE
      This is Sergeant Al Powell of the
      Los Angeles Police Department.
      If the person who radioed for
      help can hear me, acknowledge this
      transmission...1 repeat...
      172 INT. 40TH FLOOR - ON MCCLANE - NIGHT 172
      and Theo moving down the corridor, they hear the transmission
      ) also. McClane stops Theo and grabs his CB.
      MCCLANE
      (to CB)
      That's okay, you got him. You
      the guy in the car?
      INTERCUT:
      ' 173 EXT. POLICE OPERATIONS TRAILER 173
      Powell stands in front of his destroyed cruiser and looks up
      at the building. Behind him technicians, City Power and Light
      personnel, SWAT officers in protective gear, move in all
      directions. A trailer is being backed into a side street,
      which will become the police center of operations. It is like
      watching a small town being constructed right before your eyes,
      POWELL
      (to CB)
      What's left of him. I left my
      stomach over there. Can you
      identify yourself?
      MCCLANE
      Not now. Let me tell you what I
      can quickly, because I might have
      to get out of here fast. These
      guys mean business. Besides the
      peashooters they went after you
      with they've also got anti-tank
      weapons and surface to air missies.
      /?P\ POWELL
      How many are there?
      (CONTINUED)

      A98
      47

      173 CONTINUED: 173
      f* MCCLANE
      Don't know but I've killed three,
      including the one who fell out
      of Santa's sleigh.
      POWELL
      (dryly)
      Yeah, let's not forget him.
      MCCLANE
      The leader goes by the name, Hans.
      He's locked down the elevators.
      Also, I haven't found one of them
      yet who didn't carry a radio so you
      can bet they're monitoring this
      call. Channel twenty-six seems to
      be their inter-office number but
      they move it around and it's in
      German, so get someone who speaks
      it to give you a play by play.
      POWELL
      Sounds like you know this
      bunch pretty well.
      fm*. MCCLANE
      ' We've gotten pretty intimate
      waiting on you guys to get here.
      POWELL
      I hear you...Well, we're here
      now, partner...What do I call you?
      MCCLANE
      'Partner' suits me fine.
      POWELL
      You got it. Now, listen to me,
      if you think of anything else you
      let me know. In the meantime I want
      you to find a safe place and hole-up
      and let us do our job. Understand?
      MCCLANE
      (to CB)
      They're all yours, Al. Good luck.
      McClane turns off his CB and sits against the wall. Theo
      slumps against the wall opposite McClane, beneath a roster of
      offices and names for the floor.
      THEO
      Why wouldn't you tell them your
      name?
      (CONTINUED)
      A98
      48

      173 CONTINUED: (2) 173

      f*^ McClane pulls out a candy bar from the kit bag and offers Theo
      one. Theo shakes his head and McClane unwraps it.

      MCCLANE
      Just something I don't want
      broadcast everywhere.

      THEO
      You got a friend or something
      downstairs?

      MCCLANE
      (beat)
      You're a smart guy.

      Theo grins, and ties his shoe.

      MCCLANE
      It's McClane...John McClane.

      Theo extends a hand across the corridor.

      THEO
      (shaking hands
      with McClane)
      >», Bill Clay.

      MCCLANE
      This usual for you to be working
      on Christmas Eve?

      THEO
      Getting ready to go to Mexico
      next week. Trying to finish up
      some work.

      McClane pulls out another candy bar and offers it to Theo.
      This time the terrorist takes it. McClane looks around the
      darkened hallways. He clearly doesn't like it. Casually
      McClane's glance goes over Theo's head.

      174 HIS P.O.V. 174

      The roster of names of employees.

      175 CLOSER 175

      We MOVE DOWN the row of names beginning with C on the roster —
      passing CAMPBELL, S.; CLAY, Wm.; CRAWFORD, L. and suddenly we're
      in the D's.
      yffS*\

      176 ON MCCLANE 176

      His glance drops subtly from the roster and he takes another
      bite of his candy bar.

      A98 (CONTINUED)
      49

      176 CONTINUED: 176
      MCCLANE
      You know how to use a handgun,
      Bill?
      THEO
      No.
      McClane pulls out his Beretta pops out the magazine, jams in a
      fresh one, and hands it to him.
      MCCLANE
      Time to learn.
      Genres: ["Action","Thriller"]

      Summary John McClane reunites with Sergeant Al Powell over the radio, informing him about the situation at Nakatomi Plaza. McClane spares a terrorist named Theo due to his clean-cut appearance, and they overhear Powell's transmission. McClane advises Powell to find someone who speaks German to monitor the terrorists' communications. The scene takes place at Nakatomi Plaza, with McClane and Theo on the 40th floor's corridor and the hostage wing, while Powell is in a police operations trailer outside the building. The main conflict is the confrontation between McClane and Theo, which is resolved when McClane decides not to shoot him. The tone is tense and suspenseful, with moments of relief and camaraderie between McClane and Powell.
      Strengths
      • Intense action
      • Suspenseful atmosphere
      • Sharp dialogue
      • Character development
      Weaknesses
      • Some cliched elements in the dialogue

      Ratings
      Overall

      Overall: 9

      The scene is highly engaging, filled with tension, and propels the plot forward with significant developments.


      Story Content

      Concept: 8

      The concept of a lone hero facing a group of terrorists in a high-rise building is executed well, creating a thrilling and suspenseful atmosphere.

      Plot: 9

      The plot advances significantly as McClane communicates with Sergeant Powell, reveals crucial information about the terrorists, and prepares for a confrontation.

      Originality: 9

      The scene introduces a fresh take on the action genre with its focus on character dynamics and moral dilemmas. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality.


      Character Development

      Characters: 8

      The characters, especially John McClane and Theo, are well-developed and their interactions add depth to the scene.

      Character Changes: 7

      McClane's character undergoes a transformation as he takes charge and prepares to confront the terrorists.

      Internal Goal: 8

      McClane's internal goal is to survive and protect the hostages, reflecting his need for redemption and his fear of failure.

      External Goal: 7

      McClane's external goal is to outsmart the terrorists and save the hostages, reflecting the immediate challenge he faces.


      Scene Elements

      Conflict Level: 9

      The conflict between McClane and the terrorists is intense and drives the scene forward with high stakes.

      Opposition: 8

      The opposition in the scene is strong, with obstacles that challenge the protagonist and keep the audience on edge.

      High Stakes: 9

      The stakes are high as McClane faces off against a group of armed terrorists in a high-rise building, with lives on the line.

      Story Forward: 9

      The scene significantly moves the story forward by setting up the final confrontation between McClane and the terrorists.

      Unpredictability: 8

      This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists in the plot and character interactions.

      Philosophical Conflict: 7

      The philosophical conflict is between McClane's belief in justice and the terrorists' disregard for human life. This challenges McClane's values and worldview.


      Audience Engagement

      Emotional Impact: 8

      The scene evokes a range of emotions from tension to fear to determination, keeping the audience engaged.

      Dialogue: 9

      The dialogue is sharp, tense, and reveals important information about the characters and their motivations.

      Engagement: 9

      This scene is engaging because of its fast-paced action, suspenseful dialogue, and high stakes.

      Pacing: 9

      The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a balance of action and dialogue that keeps the audience engaged.


      Technical Aspect

      Formatting: 8

      The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings and action descriptions.

      Structure: 8

      The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution.


      Critique
      • The scene begins with McClane looking down at Powell and grinning, which is a bit confusing as Powell is outside and McClane is on the 40th floor. It would be more logical for McClane to be looking out the window at Powell.
      • The reference to the KCBS news truck pulling up to a prime location seems out of place and doesn't add anything to the scene.
      • The description of Ellis luxuriating in the sound of wailing police sirens is a bit over the top and doesn't seem to fit the character.
      • Hans' reaction to McClane's message seems a bit dismissive and doesn't really add to the tension of the scene.
      • The dialogue between McClane and Theo is a bit awkward and doesn't really flow well.
      • The description of Karl reporting to Hans is a bit confusing and it's not clear what he's reporting on.
      • The description of Powell's voice over the CB is a bit repetitive and doesn't really add anything to the scene.
      • The dialogue between McClane and Powell is a bit stilted and doesn't really flow well.
      • The description of McClane turning off his CB and sitting against the wall is a bit abrupt and doesn't really give the reader a sense of what's going on.
      • The dialogue between Theo and McClane about McClane's name is a bit forced and doesn't really add to the scene.
      • The description of McClane pulling out a candy bar and offering it to Theo is a bit out of place and doesn't really add to the scene.
      • The description of McClane looking around the darkened hallways is a bit vague and doesn't really give the reader a sense of what he's looking for.
      • The description of McClane's glance going over Theo's head is a bit confusing and it's not clear what he's looking at.
      • The description of McClane's glance dropping subtly from the roster is a bit vague and it's not clear what he's looking at.
      • The dialogue between McClane and Theo about Theo using a handgun is a bit abrupt and doesn't really flow well.
      Suggestions
      • Start the scene with McClane looking out the window at Powell.
      • Remove the reference to the KCBS news truck.
      • Rewrite the description of Ellis' reaction to the sirens to be more subtle.
      • Rewrite Hans' dialogue to be more threatening.
      • Rewrite the dialogue between McClane and Theo to be more natural.
      • Rewrite the description of Karl's report to Hans to be more clear.
      • Remove the repetition in the description of Powell's voice over the CB.
      • Rewrite the dialogue between McClane and Powell to be more natural.
      • Add a description of McClane's thoughts and feelings as he sits against the wall.
      • Rewrite the dialogue between Theo and McClane about McClane's name to be more natural.
      • Remove the description of McClane pulling out a candy bar.
      • Rewrite the description of McClane looking around the darkened hallways to be more specific.
      • Rewrite the description of McClane's glance going over Theo's head to be more clear.
      • Rewrite the description of McClane's glance dropping subtly from the roster to be more clear.
      • Rewrite the dialogue between McClane and Theo about Theo using a handgun to be more natural.



      Scene 16 -  McClane's Standoff with Theo: A Tense Confrontation
      177 EXT. POLICE OPERATIONS - WILSHIRE - SAME 177
      An unmarked police car pulls up across the street from Nakatomi
      building and a MAN in a sportcoat climbs out. Stocky, his
      hair a little too perfect, the very fact that he is the
      i Deputy Chief of Police Operations on a Christmas Eve gives some
      evidence to his position in the pecking order. His name is
      DWAYNE T. ROBINSON and he moves brusquely past police technicians
      into:
      178 THE MOBILE POLICE UNIT 178
      and goes to a uniformed officer.
      ROBINSON
      Who's talking to them?
      Powell turns around.
      POWELL
      I am, Sir...Sergeant Al Powell.
      ROBINSON
      Dwayne Robinson. What's the story,
      Sergeant?
      POWELL
      We've got a lone man in there who
      says terrorists took over the
      building and have killed at least
      one of their hostages. He claims
      to have killed three of them.
      ROBINSON
      How're we talking to them?
      POWELL
      (
      **"
      • CB, they've cut phone lines inside.
      Powell hands him a headset.
      (CONTINUED)

      A98
      50

      178 CONTINUED: 178
      f* ROBINSON
      (slipping on the
      headset)
      What about the terrorists? Have
      you talked to them?
      POWELL
      They don't answer us.
      ROBINSON
      (sarcastically)
      Great...
      We CAN SEE Robinson already hates the complications. Here's a
      man more adept at handling two punks in an empty Safeway. He
      is clearly not ready to deal with a situation where the
      terrorists won't talk. Just then, two plainclothes MEN enter
      J the trailer and show their I.D. to the guard. Their presence
      f further upsets Robinson.
      179 INT. STAIRWELL - SAME 179
      McClane and Theo come down the stairwell from the 40th floor.
      McClane tries the door to the 39th floor — the handle moves in
      his hand. McClane looks up and re-checks the floor number by
      /**** the door frame, then opens the door. Both men move out onto:
      180 THE 39TH FLOOR 180
      and down a corridor. As they move McClane notices something
      along the floor jam.
      181 HIS P.O.V. 181
      A plastic explosive charge.
      182 MCCLANE 182
      moves carefully past it and another, drawn toward a lighted
      office at the end of the hallway.
      183 INT. OFFICE 183
      McClane moves into the office, which we RECOGNIZE as the anteroom
      to the safe room. The door connecting the safe room has been
      closed, hiding the safe and drill press. Theo's three bags,
      however sit on the table and McClane goes straight for them.
      Theo steps into the room behind him. He spies something else
      on the table.
      f* 184 HIS P.O.V. 184
      the Walther.


      A98
      51
      185 THEO 185
      Looks up and watches McClane open the first bag containing the
      plastic explosives.
      THEO
      What...what is it?
      MCCLANE
      Plastic explosives. Like those
      in the hall.
      THEO
      (suddenly)
      They were going to blow the
      building.
      MCCLANE
      (dryly)
      That's sharp thinking, Bill.
      He places a couple of packets next to the Walther and hurriedly
      opens the second bag.
      186 INSERT 186
      The contents: Detonators.
      /s^N

      187 MCCLANE 187
      throws the second bag over his shoulder. Theo watches him.
      THEO
      Why are we taking them?
      MCCLANE
      Leverage. C'mon let's get out of
      here.

      He starts for the door. Theo watches him for a moment then
      brings up the Beretta aiming it right at McClane's face and
      cocks it.

      THEO
      Put them down and drop your
      machine gun on the floor.

      McClane just looks at him.

      MCCLANE
      ^ Why wire the top floors, Bill?
      (CONTINUED)



      A98
      52

      187 CONTINUED: 187

      ' THEO
      Don't worry about it. Drop
      your gun.

      Instead, McClane slowly raises his machine gun and aims it
      at Theo. Theo pulls the trigger — the gun clicks empty.
      Theo's eyes go to the Walther on the table. McClane follows
      his glance.

      MCCLANE
      Don't try it.

      Theo looks back challengingly, McClane recognizes the look.

      MCCLANE
      And don't tell me I won't do it.

      But Theo breaks for the pistol and McClane levels him with a
      burst from the machine gun. For a moment he just looks at the
      dead terrorist, then retrieves his Browning and exchanges
      magazines.
      Genres: ["Action","Thriller"]

      Summary Deputy Chief of Police Operations Dwayne T. Robinson arrives at the Nakatomi Plaza and is briefed by Sergeant Al Powell about the hostage situation. Meanwhile, John McClane finds plastic explosives and detonators on the 39th floor and takes them for leverage. Theo, one of the terrorists, tries to take the explosives back, leading to a standoff where McClane kills Theo. This tense and action-packed scene ends with McClane taking the explosives and detonators with him, increasing his leverage in the hostage situation.
      Strengths
      • Intense action
      • Tense atmosphere
      • Clever dialogue
      Weaknesses
      • Limited character development for secondary characters
      • Some cliched elements in the standoff

      Ratings
      Overall

      Overall: 9

      The scene is highly engaging, filled with tension, action, and suspense. It effectively showcases the resourcefulness and quick thinking of the protagonist, John McClane, in a life-threatening situation.


      Story Content

      Concept: 9

      The concept of a lone hero facing off against a group of terrorists in a high-rise building is executed with precision. The use of plastic explosives and a standoff between McClane and Theo adds depth to the plot.

      Plot: 9

      The plot is well-developed, with escalating tension and a clear goal for the protagonist. The introduction of plastic explosives and the confrontation with Theo drive the narrative forward and raise the stakes.

      Originality: 7

      The scene introduces a familiar action genre scenario but adds unique elements like the use of explosives and tense confrontations to create authenticity and tension.


      Character Development

      Characters: 8

      The characters, particularly John McClane and Theo, are well-defined and their motivations are clear. McClane's resourcefulness and Theo's desperation create a compelling dynamic in the scene.

      Character Changes: 7

      John McClane demonstrates his resourcefulness and quick thinking in the face of danger, showcasing his ability to adapt and overcome challenges. Theo's desperation and eventual defeat highlight the consequences of underestimating the hero.

      Internal Goal: 8

      McClane's internal goal is to survive and protect others in the building, as seen in his actions to disarm the explosives and confront the terrorists.

      External Goal: 7

      McClane's external goal is to stop the terrorists and save the hostages in the building, as indicated by his actions to disarm the explosives and confront the terrorists.


      Scene Elements

      Conflict Level: 9

      The conflict between McClane and Theo is intense and drives the scene forward. The power struggle and threat of violence create a palpable sense of danger and urgency.

      Opposition: 8

      The opposition in the scene is strong, with the terrorists posing a significant threat to McClane and the hostages, creating suspense and uncertainty.

      High Stakes: 9

      The high stakes of the scene, including the threat of a building explosion and the life-or-death confrontation between McClane and Theo, create a sense of urgency and danger that keeps the audience on the edge of their seats.

      Story Forward: 9

      The scene significantly advances the plot by revealing the terrorists' plan to blow up the building and showcasing McClane's efforts to thwart their scheme. It sets the stage for the final showdown between the hero and the villains.

      Unpredictability: 8

      This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected actions of the characters, the tense confrontations, and the escalating danger.

      Philosophical Conflict: 7

      The philosophical conflict is between McClane's sense of duty and the terrorists' disregard for human life. This challenges McClane's values of protecting others and upholding justice.


      Audience Engagement

      Emotional Impact: 8

      The scene evokes fear, tension, and determination in the audience. The life-and-death stakes and the bravery of the protagonist elicit strong emotional responses.

      Dialogue: 8

      The dialogue is sharp and impactful, conveying the tension and power struggle between McClane and Theo. The exchange of threats and ultimatums adds depth to their characters.

      Engagement: 9

      This scene is engaging because of its high stakes, fast-paced action, and moral dilemmas that keep the audience on the edge of their seats.

      Pacing: 9

      The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by maintaining tension, escalating conflict, and keeping the audience engaged in the unfolding events.


      Technical Aspect

      Formatting: 8

      The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting.

      Structure: 8

      The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with clear action beats, character interactions, and escalating tension.


      Critique
      • The dialogue between McClane and Powell is too dry and doesn't provide much insight into their characters or the situation.
      • The scene is too focused on exposition and doesn't do enough to build suspense or tension.
      • The character of Dwayne T. Robinson is not well-developed and comes across as one-dimensional.
      • The scene doesn't do enough to establish the stakes of the situation and make the audience care about what happens next.
      Suggestions
      • Add more details to the dialogue between McClane and Powell to make their characters more relatable and give the audience a better sense of their relationship.
      • Cut down on the exposition and focus on building suspense and tension through the use of action and imagery.
      • Give Dwayne T. Robinson more depth and complexity by exploring his motivations and backstory.
      • Raise the stakes of the situation by making it clear what will happen if McClane and Powell fail to stop the terrorists.



      Scene 17 -  McClane's Warning
      (** 188 INT. 39TH FLOOR - OFFICE 188
      Dark. A light comes on and McClane quickly moves to the desk.
      He takes out a handful of detonators and puts them in his
      other kit bag, then puts the main bag of detonators in the
      trash can under the desk covering it with the trash, and
      sliding it back under the desk again.

      189 INT. POLICE TRAILER - SAME 189

      Robinson and Powell when McClane calls them on the CB.

      MCCLANE'S VOICE/RADIO
      Hey, Al...are you there?

      POWELL
      Yeah, partner, what's up?

      INTERCUT:

      190 MCCLANE 190

      T He sits on the floor below a bank of windows.
      (CONTINUED)


      A98
      53
      190 CONTINUED: 190

      MCCLANE
      There * s a new development.
      They've got high explosives
      up here. Plastics.
      POWELL
      Hey, man, I work a desk. You're
      going to have to spell these
      things out for me.

      MCCLANE
      Think of it like this then,
      they've got enough stuff up
      here to turn this place into
      Century Canyon...
      | 191 ON ROBINSON 191
      /
      Listening with everyone else.

      ROBINSON
      (to himself)
      Great.

      192 ON MCCLANE 192
      MCCLANE
      ...On the other hand I've got
      the detonators.
      INTERCUT:

      193 POWELL 193
      In the police trailer.

      POWELL
      Listen, partner...throw them out.
      The first thing we need to do
      is reduce the chance of disaster.
      MCCLANE
      I have...until they catch me.
      Also, chalk up another one dead.
      POWELL
      Jesus...
      HANS' VOICE/RADIO .
      (o.s.; cutting in)
      Mr. Barefoot man? Can you hear me?


      A98
      54
      194 ROBINSON 194
      stJM.!\ looks at a technician.
      ROBINSON
      (to technician)
      You got that recorder hooked
      up? I want it running.
      Genres: ["Action","Thriller","Crime"]

      Summary McClane hides the detonators in the trash can under the desk, calls Powell and Robinson to inform them about the high explosives and Theo's death. Robinson instructs a technician to record the conversation. The scene is tense and urgent, with a sense of danger and impending disaster. The conflict of the high explosives and detonators is not resolved, but McClane's possession of the detonators is a step towards resolving it.
      Strengths
      • Intense tension
      • High stakes
      • Sharp dialogue
      Weaknesses
      • Some cliched elements
      • Lack of character depth for some terrorists

      Ratings
      Overall

      Overall: 8

      The scene effectively builds tension and raises the stakes with the introduction of explosives and the standoff between McClane and the terrorists. The urgency and danger are palpable, keeping the audience engaged.


      Story Content

      Concept: 8

      The concept of a lone hero facing off against a group of terrorists in a high-rise building is executed well, with the addition of explosives adding a new layer of danger and complexity to the situation.

      Plot: 9

      The plot advances significantly in this scene as McClane discovers explosives, communicates with Powell, and engages in a standoff with the terrorists. The stakes are raised, and the tension continues to escalate.

      Originality: 9

      The scene introduces a fresh approach to the action genre by focusing on the protagonist's internal struggle and philosophical conflict. The dialogue feels authentic and the characters' actions are believable.


      Character Development

      Characters: 7

      The characters, particularly McClane and the terrorists, are well-defined and their actions drive the conflict forward. McClane's resourcefulness and determination shine through, while the terrorists' ruthlessness adds to the danger.

      Character Changes: 6

      McClane undergoes a subtle change as he discovers the explosives and faces off against the terrorists, showcasing his resourcefulness and determination. The terrorists remain consistent in their ruthless pursuit of their goals.

      Internal Goal: 8

      The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to prevent disaster and stay ahead of the antagonists. This reflects his need for control and his fear of failure.

      External Goal: 7

      The protagonist's external goal is to outsmart the antagonists and prevent the explosives from being used. This reflects the immediate challenge he is facing and the danger he is in.


      Scene Elements

      Conflict Level: 9

      The conflict in the scene is intense and multi-layered, with McClane facing off against the terrorists and the discovery of explosives raising the stakes even higher. The standoff creates a sense of imminent danger and suspense.

      Opposition: 8

      The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist facing multiple challenges and obstacles that keep the audience on edge.

      High Stakes: 9

      The stakes are extremely high in this scene, with the discovery of explosives and the standoff between McClane and the terrorists creating a sense of imminent danger and urgency. The potential for disaster is palpable.

      Story Forward: 9

      The scene significantly moves the story forward as McClane discovers explosives, communicates with Powell, and engages in a standoff with the terrorists. The escalating tension and danger propel the narrative towards a climax.

      Unpredictability: 7

      This scene is unpredictable because of the protagonist's unpredictable actions and the shifting dynamics between the characters.

      Philosophical Conflict: 6

      The philosophical conflict in this scene is between the protagonist's desire to take control of the situation and the authorities' need to prioritize safety and prevent disaster. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs about individual agency and responsibility.


      Audience Engagement

      Emotional Impact: 7

      The scene evokes a sense of tension and concern for the characters, particularly McClane, as he navigates the dangerous situation. The high stakes and urgency contribute to the emotional impact of the scene.

      Dialogue: 8

      The dialogue is sharp, focused, and serves to heighten the tension in the scene. McClane's communication with Powell and the terrorists adds depth to the conflict and showcases the urgency of the situation.

      Engagement: 9

      This scene is engaging because of its high stakes, fast-paced action, and suspenseful atmosphere.

      Pacing: 9

      The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by maintaining tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged.


      Technical Aspect

      Formatting: 8

      The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings, action lines, and dialogue.

      Structure: 8

      The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the effectiveness of the scene.


      Critique
      • The scene is well-written with clear action and dialogue, but it could benefit from more sensory details and subtext to make the characters' emotions and motivations more palpable.
      • Consider adding more details about the office where McClane hides the detonators, such as the smell, temperature, or sounds, to create a more immersive atmosphere.
      • The dialogue between McClane and Powell is functional but could be more dynamic. Consider adding subtext or tension to their conversation to reflect the gravity of the situation.
      • Robinson's character could be more fully developed. While his frustration is understandable, it would be more impactful if we knew more about his background and motivations.
      Suggestions
      • Add sensory details to the office where McClane hides the detonators, such as the smell of dust or the sound of distant gunfire, to create a more immersive atmosphere.
      • Incorporate subtext or tension into the dialogue between McClane and Powell, such as McClane's reluctance to give up the detonators or Powell's concern for McClane's safety.
      • Develop Robinson's character by giving him more lines or actions that reveal his personality and motivations, such as a backstory or a personal connection to the hostage situation.
      • Consider adding a visual element to the scene, such as McClane looking out the window and seeing the police activity below, to create a sense of urgency and danger.



      Scene 18 -  Hans' Truce Offer Rejected; Robinson's Frustration with FBI Agents
      195 INT. HANS' OFFICE - SAME 195
      Hans talking on CB to McClane. Karl stands to the side.
      MCLANE/RADIO
      (o.s.)
      Yeah, I hear you. t



      HANS
      I'm calling to offer you a truce.
      i i Put the detonators on an elevator
      / and retreat to a safe place and
      1
      we won't bother you anymore. I
      i give you my word.
      i
      196 MCCLANE 196
      MCCLANE
      i Let's see, is that the same word
      f^ you gave Rivers before you shot him?
      HANS' VOICE
      (O.S.)
      Believe me when I tell you
      that there are those among us
      who would like nothing more than
      to hunt you down and kill you.
      MCCLANE
      Who...you mean, Karl? Hey,
      Karl, come on up and I'll tell
      you just how it felt to break
      his brother's neck.
      He hears Karl let out a yell and Hans' radio goes dead.
      McClane lets out a breath and leans back. The tough guy
      act is difficult. He waits and his radio comes back with
      Hans.
      HANS' VOICE/RADIO
      (o.s.)
      It's more than idle curiosity
      how you know some of our names.
      I feel at a slight disadvantage
      not knowing, yours.
      (CONTINUED)

      A98
      55

      196 CONTINUED: 196
      (*** MCCLANE
      You'll get over it.
      HANS' VOICE/RADIO
      (o.s.)
      You have a very cavalier attitude
      for someone who probably has a
      loved one on this very floor.
      MCCLANE
      You got the wrong guy, fella.
      I was just up here fixing the
      cigarette machines when you
      came barging in.
      INTERCUT:
      197 HANS 197
      HANS
      A vending machine repairman who
      breaks people's necks?
      MCCLANE
      It's a tough business.
      f^ HANS
      And it will get tougher. I
      promise.
      MCCLANE
      Well, it's a big building, Hans.
      Lotsa luck, fella.
      198 POLICE TRAILER - SAME 198
      Robinson turns quickly to his radio operator.
      ROBINSON
      Quick, patch me in there.
      (to Hans)
      Hans? Is that your name? This
      is Captain Dwayne Robinson. LAPD.
      Is anyone hurt in there or need
      medical help?
      INTERCUT:
      199 HANS 199
      HANS
      /*N Everyone is fine, Mr. Robinson.
      ROBINSON
      What do you want? Let's talk.
      (CONTINUED)
      A98
      56
      199 CONTINUED: 199
      HANS
      f* (chuckles)
      You are eager, aren't you?
      Please sit back and relax, we
      will contact you when we are
      ready.
      Hans turns off his radio.
      200 POLICE TRAILER - ON ROBINSON 200
      ROBINSON
      Wait, wait...
      (realizing he's
      been cut off)
      Shit...
      The two well-dressed men chuckle at. Robinson's frustration.
      The big man lights a cigarette for the smaller one.
      Robinson turns on them angrily.
      ROBINSON
      Who are you guys with?
      They each pull out their I.D. and flash it at him.
      /ffi^TS LITTLE JOHNSON
      Special Agents Johnson and
      Johnson, FBI.
      BIG JOHNSON
      Sounds like you're in for
      a fun Christmas Eve, Chief.
      ROBINSON
      You want to crack jokes, go
      up to Sunset. This isn't
      your operation anyway.
      BIG JOHNSON
      Hey, we're just here to observe
      or if you want to bounce ideas
      off of us or...
      LITTLE JOHNSON
      (more seriously)
      ...Or, if it should suddenly
      become our operation.
      He lets the implication of a possible changeover hang for
      a moment. It isn't lost on Robinson.
      (^ ROBINSON
      Just stay the hell out of my way.
      (turning back)
      Johnson and Johnson...Jesus?...
      (CONTINUED)
      A98
      57

      200 CONTINUED: 200
      Big Johnson grins and stops a uniformed cop going out the
      door of the trailer.
      BIG JOHNSON
      Where's the coffee around here?
      Genres: ["Action","Thriller","Crime","Drama"]

      Summary In this tense scene, Hans calls McClane offering a truce but gets provoked instead. McClane taunts Hans, who reveals some group members want to kill McClane. Hans tries to learn McClane's identity, but McClane avoids answering. Robinson, frustrated with the FBI agents (Johnson and Johnson) getting in his way, tells them to stay out of his way. This takes place in Hans' office, with Hans and McClane communicating via radio.
      Strengths
      • Tense atmosphere
      • Sharp dialogue
      • Engaging character interactions
      • High stakes
      Weaknesses
      • Some cliched elements in the standoff dynamics

      Ratings
      Overall

      Overall: 8

      The scene is intense, filled with suspense, and moves the story forward significantly. The dialogue is sharp and engaging, and the introduction of new characters adds depth to the conflict.


      Story Content

      Concept: 8

      The concept of a lone hero facing off against a group of terrorists in a high-stakes situation is well-executed. The introduction of the FBI agents adds a new dimension to the conflict.

      Plot: 9

      The plot is advanced significantly in this scene, with the tension escalating as John McClane and Hans engage in a standoff. The introduction of the FBI agents adds a new layer of complexity to the story.

      Originality: 8

      The scene introduces a familiar hostage situation but adds originality through the dynamic between McClane and Hans, as well as the introduction of the FBI agents.


      Character Development

      Characters: 8

      The characters of John McClane and Hans are well-developed in this scene, with their confrontational dialogue revealing their personalities and motivations. The introduction of the FBI agents adds new dynamics to the character interactions.

      Character Changes: 7

      Both John McClane and Hans undergo subtle changes in this scene as they navigate the tense standoff. Their interactions reveal new layers to their characters and motivations.

      Internal Goal: 8

      McClane's internal goal is to protect the hostages and defeat the terrorists. This reflects his deeper need for justice and his desire to save lives.

      External Goal: 7

      McClane's external goal is to outsmart Hans and his team to save the hostages and escape the building safely. This reflects the immediate challenge he is facing in the hostage situation.


      Scene Elements

      Conflict Level: 9

      The conflict in this scene is intense, with John McClane and Hans engaged in a high-stakes standoff. The introduction of the FBI agents adds a new layer of conflict to the situation.

      Opposition: 8

      The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting goals and power dynamics between the characters.

      High Stakes: 9

      The stakes are high in this scene, with John McClane facing off against the terrorists and the introduction of the FBI agents adding a new level of danger and complexity to the situation.

      Story Forward: 9

      The scene significantly moves the story forward, escalating the tension and conflict between John McClane and the terrorists. The introduction of the FBI agents adds new elements to the plot.

      Unpredictability: 7

      This scene is unpredictable because of the shifting power dynamics and the unexpected actions of the characters.

      Philosophical Conflict: 7

      The philosophical conflict in this scene is between McClane's sense of justice and Hans' ruthless tactics. McClane values human life and justice, while Hans is willing to kill to achieve his goals.


      Audience Engagement

      Emotional Impact: 8

      The scene evokes a sense of tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged and emotionally invested in the outcome of the standoff. The confrontational dialogue adds to the emotional impact of the scene.

      Dialogue: 9

      The dialogue in this scene is sharp, tense, and filled with sarcasm, adding to the overall tension of the standoff between John McClane and Hans. The exchange between the characters is engaging and reveals their motivations.

      Engagement: 9

      This scene is engaging because of the high stakes, tense dialogue, and the power struggle between the characters.

      Pacing: 9

      The pacing of the scene is fast-paced and contributes to its effectiveness by maintaining tension and suspense.


      Technical Aspect

      Formatting: 7

      The formatting of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear dialogue and action descriptions.

      Structure: 8

      The scene follows the expected structure for a tense negotiation scene in an action thriller genre.


      Critique
      • The scene is well-written and engaging, but the pacing could be improved. The beginning of the scene is a bit slow, with a lot of exposition, and it takes a while for the tension to build.
      • McClane's banter with Hans is well-written and entertaining, but it could be more focused. The two characters go back and forth a bit too much, and it can be hard to tell what the stakes are.
      • The ending of the scene is a bit abrupt, and it doesn't give the audience a chance to process what has happened. It would be more effective if the scene ended with a moment of tension or suspense, or if it gave the audience a chance to see the consequences of McClane's actions.
      Suggestions
      • To improve the pacing, the beginning of the scene could be shortened and the tension could be built up more quickly. This could be done by having McClane and Hans get to the point of their conversation more quickly, and by cutting out some of the exposition.
      • To make the banter between McClane and Hans more focused, the two characters could be given more specific goals. For example, McClane could be trying to get Hans to give up information, or Hans could be trying to get McClane to surrender.
      • To improve the ending of the scene, it could be extended to give the audience a chance to process what has happened. This could be done by having McClane and Hans have a final confrontation, or by showing the consequences of McClane's actions on the hostages.



      Scene 19 -  Hans Remains Resolute as Holly Attempts to Negotiate and William Realizes His Danger
      201 INT. HOSTAGE FLOOR - NIGHT 201
      Hans and Karl. Karl preps his weapon with a hunter's
      obsession for detail.
      HANS
      Find him and the detonators....
      Karl leaves and Hans watches from the doorway. Suddenly
      he notices Holly staring at him from her place on the floor.
      She holds his look boldly.
      HOLLY
      / Why don't you want to talk to them?
      HANS
      The police? Why should I?
      HOLLY
      You want to get away, don't you?
      /^if\
      You can negotiate that.
      HANS
      I have many worries...but
      'getting away' is not one of
      them.
      HOLLY •
      But if you don't talk to them...
      sooner or later they'll attack.
      Hans stares at Holly, this makes Ellis even more uncomfortable
      and he tries to quiet her. But she holds Hans' look.
      HANS
      (to Holly, beat)
      You seem to know a good deal
      about what the police might do.
      HOLLY
      (flatly)
      Common sense.
      HANS
      Do you have children?

      /^vX Holly doens't answer, but Hans knows by her reaction, the
      answer is "yes"
      (CONTINUED)
      A98
      58
      201 CONTINUED: 201
      -* HANS
      ( Then you know you want them to
      respect what you say, when you
      say it. But sometimes, no matter
      how many times you tell them something
      is dangerous — like a hot burner
      on a stove — it is not until they
      touch it, that they understand it
      is truly dangerous...Folice are
      like children...words are often
      not enough.
      He turns and goes back into:
      202 HOLLY'S OFFICE 202
      He closes the door. Going to the desk he shifts through
      the I.D.'s and finds Holly's.
      ^203 INSERT - HOLLY'S I.D. 203
      It shows Holly's picture and the name: GENNARO.
      204 CLOSE ON A TELEVISION SCREEN - NIGHT 204
      We SEE a news report interrupts the regular scheduled
      f* program. Dick Thornburg talks to the camera. As he
      talks We PULL BACK TO SEE William in the backseat of the
      limo. He reacts excitedly to the report.
      WILLIAM
      Terrorist, oh, man...Where is
      this?
      205 ON SCREEN 205
      the CAMERA PULLS BACK and we SEE the Nakatomi Building
      rise up in the b.g. behind Thornburg.
      206 CLOSE - WILLIAM 206
      as he recognizes the place on TV.
      WILLIAM
      (stunned)
      Holy shit...
      207 CLOSE - TELEVISION 207
      The CAMERA PANS to Police Trailer and we SEE the massive
      build-up of police personnel and equipment.
      THORNBURG
      As you can see, the police have
      brought up their armored car unit
      (CONTINUED)
      A98
      59
      207 CONTINUED: 207
      THORNBURG (Cont.)
      and dispatched SWAT personnel
      around the building though they
      are adamantly denying that any
      sort of assault is in the works...
      WILLIAM
      (more stunned)
      Holy shit...
      He grabs the car phone and madly punches 911.
      WILLIAM
      (to himself)
      911...
      (he misdials)
      Fuck!
      (more carefully)
      9-1-1...
      He gets it right and leans back, still panicked as someone
      answers.
      WILLIAM
      (to phone)
      Police?!...Well, I need 'em!
      Your damn straight this is an
      emergency! You know that building
      in Century City that's full of
      terrorists?...Yeah, that's the
      one...Well, I'm sitting right
      this very second un —
      The word freezes in his mouth as something suddenly dawns
      on him. William cancels his call.
      WILLIAM
      (to himself)
      Shit, William, you fool...If the
      police could save your sorry ass
      don't you think they'd be down here
      doin' it?!
      He looks back at the TV.
      THORNBURG
      Since telephone lines in the
      building have been cut all
      communications have been by
      CB radios which the terriorists
      took into the building with them.
      j0!GiZ\
      Genres: ["Action","Thriller","Drama"]

      Summary In the hostage floor of Nakatomi Plaza, Hans, the leader of the hostage situation, remains focused on his mission while Karl searches for the detonators. Holly, one of the hostages, attempts to negotiate with Hans, revealing her common-sense understanding of the police's intentions. Meanwhile, William, an unrelated character, learns about the hostage situation on TV and realizes he's in danger, ending the scene with him canceling his call to 911. The scene is tense and suspenseful, with moments of philosophical reflection from Hans.
      Strengths
      • Tension-filled atmosphere
      • Engaging plot
      • Strong character dynamics
      • Sharp dialogue
      Weaknesses
      • Some cliched elements
      • Predictable moments

      Ratings
      Overall

      Overall: 9

      The scene is intense, suspenseful, and filled with high stakes, keeping the audience on the edge of their seats. The dialogue and character interactions add depth and complexity to the unfolding events.


      Story Content

      Concept: 8

      The concept of a lone hero facing off against a group of terrorists in a high-rise building is executed effectively, creating a tense and thrilling atmosphere. The psychological dynamics between the characters add layers to the narrative.

      Plot: 9

      The plot is engaging and fast-paced, with John McClane's actions driving the narrative forward. The escalating conflict between McClane and the terrorists keeps the audience invested in the outcome.

      Originality: 8

      The scene presents a fresh take on the hostage situation genre by focusing on the psychological and philosophical aspects of the conflict. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and add depth to the narrative.


      Character Development

      Characters: 8

      The characters are well-developed, with John McClane portrayed as a resourceful and determined hero. The interactions between McClane, Hans, and Holly add depth to the character dynamics.

      Character Changes: 7

      John McClane undergoes a transformation as he faces escalating challenges and risks to save the hostages. His determination and resourcefulness are tested, leading to growth and development as a character.

      Internal Goal: 8

      Hans' internal goal is to maintain control and power in the hostage situation. He wants to assert his authority and intimidate the hostages to prevent any interference from the police.

      External Goal: 7

      Hans' external goal is to prevent the police from attacking the building and to negotiate his escape with the hostages as leverage.


      Scene Elements

      Conflict Level: 9

      The conflict in the scene is intense and multi-layered, with physical confrontations, psychological warfare, and high stakes driving the narrative forward. The clash between McClane and the terrorists creates a palpable sense of danger and urgency.

      Opposition: 8

      The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting goals and motivations creating obstacles for the characters to overcome.

      High Stakes: 10

      The high stakes in the scene are evident, with the lives of the hostages, the safety of the building, and the fate of the characters hanging in the balance. The potential for explosive consequences raises the tension and urgency of the situation.

      Story Forward: 9

      The scene propels the story forward by escalating the conflict, revealing new obstacles, and raising the stakes for the characters. John McClane's actions and decisions drive the narrative towards a climactic showdown with the terrorists.

      Unpredictability: 8

      This scene is unpredictable because of the shifting power dynamics and unexpected character choices that keep the audience guessing.

      Philosophical Conflict: 7

      The philosophical conflict in this scene is between Hans' belief in using fear and manipulation to control the situation and Holly's belief in negotiation and communication as a means to resolve conflicts.


      Audience Engagement

      Emotional Impact: 8

      The scene evokes fear, anxiety, and determination in the audience, as they root for John McClane to outsmart the terrorists and save the hostages. The emotional intensity of the situation is palpable, drawing viewers into the action.

      Dialogue: 8

      The dialogue is sharp and impactful, revealing the motivations and conflicts between the characters. The exchanges between McClane, Hans, and Holly heighten the tension and suspense of the scene.

      Engagement: 9

      This scene is engaging because of the high stakes, intense dialogue, and complex character dynamics that keep the audience on the edge of their seats.

      Pacing: 9

      The pacing of the scene is expertly handled, with tension building steadily and character interactions driving the momentum of the story.


      Technical Aspect

      Formatting: 8

      The scene is well-formatted and easy to follow, with clear scene descriptions and character actions.

      Structure: 8

      The scene follows a traditional structure for a tense hostage situation, with escalating stakes and character interactions driving the narrative forward.


      Critique
      • The scene starts off with a tense and suspenseful atmosphere, with Hans and Karl preparing for a confrontation with McClane. This is a good way to maintain the high stakes and urgency of the situation.
      • Holly's character is well-developed in this scene, with her boldness and determination shining through in her interactions with Hans. Her back-and-forth with Hans adds depth to the scene and raises the stakes.
      • The introduction of William in the limo is a good way to bring in a new perspective and add to the tension. His realization that he's in danger adds to the urgency of the situation.
      • The news report featuring Dick Thornburg is a good way to provide exposition and update the audience on the situation. However, it could be more impactful if it were more concise and focused on the most important information.
      Suggestions
      • Consider adding more visual descriptions of Hans and Karl's preparations to heighten the tension and suspense.
      • Explore the possibility of having Holly play a more active role in the scene, perhaps by trying to negotiate with Hans or come up with a plan to escape.
      • Consider cutting down on the amount of dialogue in the news report and focusing on the most important information, such as the police's response and the danger William is in.
      • Think about adding more sensory details to the scene, such as the sound of police sirens or the feeling of tension in the air, to make it more immersive for the reader.



      Scene 20 -  McClane Fortifies, Terrorists Pursue, and New Personnel Arrive at the Police Trailer
      208 INT. 37TH FLOOR 208
      A stairwell door opens and McClane carefully moves out onto
      the 37th floor. Seeing that it is deserted he begins
      overturning desks, making a small fortress.
      A98
      60
      209 LIMO - CLOSE ON TRUNK - NIGHT 209
      The trunk to the big limo opens and William's hand reaches
      under a tool kit TO REVEAL a portable CB unit.
      210 INT. LIMO - BACKSEAT - NIGHT 210
      William plugs the CB power cord into the rear cigarette
      lighter and turns it on. The STATIC HISSES as he goes
      through the channels. Suddenly he stops and WE HEAR KARL'S
      VOICE over the CB.
      KARL'S VOICE
      (o.s., on CB)
      Heinrich is dead...
      211 INT. 39TH FLOOR - ANTEROOM TO SAFE ROOM - SAME 211
      Karl stands over the body of Theo.
      KARL
      (to CB)
      Theo and Heinrich are dead.
      We're going down.
      212 INT. 37TH FLOOR - NIGHT 212
      McClane at STAIRWELL DOOR. He lays a plastic chair
      protector sheet in front of the stairwell door. Then
      he leans an axe against the door — a very primitive
      early warning device.
      TIME CUT TO:
      213 INT. 37TH FLOOR - NIGHT . 213
      McClane fastens a small pad of plastic explosives to the
      light switch by the doorway; then presses a half dozen
      detonators into the material. He's not sure how many
      he'll need and adds another for good measure and puts the
      rest in his pocket.
      214 INT. 38TH FLOOR - SAME 214
      Fritz and Franco move onto the 38th floor and spread out.
      The operation looks like an African hunt with beaters moving
      out in front — rattling chairs, knocking over phones, lamps
      etc. — moving toward Karl, who waits at the other end of
      the room by the stairwell door.
      When they reach him he opens the stairwell door and
      silently waves them down the stairs. He looks over the
      floor one last time, then he notices a flickering fluorescent
      light above him in the stairwell. His glance goes to another
      fluorescent fixture.
      KARL
      (to the terrorist
      below him)
      Stop.
      A98
      61
      215 INT. POLICE TRAILER - SAME 215
      A new group of men enter the trailer — the SWAT team
      personnel. One in particular CAPTAIN MITCHELL eyes a pretty
      policewoman on the way in.
      Following Mitchell is a small man with pencils in his shirt
      pocket and a hard hat, GEORGE HENRY', City Engineer's office.-
      The last man enters in a tuxedo, pulled away from a party.
      His name is RALPH BAILEY, late thirties; mayor's office
      liasion. Johnson and Johnson view the assembly with detached
      amusement. Robinson does the introductions quickly.
      ROBINSON
      George Henry, City Engineer's
      office, this is Captain Mitchell...
      Special Agents Johnson and Johnson.
      The engineer nods to the men. Mitchell eyes the Feds, wary
      of his competition.
      ROBINSON
      (pointing to Bailey)
      And this is Ralph Bailey, mayor's
      office.
      Bailey takes an offered cup of coffee. He looks like he
      needs it. Henry unrolls building plans while Robinson talks.
      ROBINSON
      ' To bring everyone up to date,
      we've got a hostage situation
      I in which thirty-five civilians
      are being held by an undetermined
      number of terrorists with no
      1
      expressed intent to negotiate.
      1
      Now, we've got six hours before
      the East Coast wakes up and turns
      on their TV's and frankly I'd like
      not to be here when they do, so
      let's hear what you gentlemen
      have got to say.
      LITTLE JOHNSON
      Excuse me, but it seems you've
      left something out.
      Robinson looks up at the Agent.
      ROBINSON
      (to the others)
      There's an unidentified gunman in
      the building who claims to have
      ^ .• killed four of the terrorists, have
      { plastic explosives and detonators:
      These claims are unconfirmed.
      (CONTINUED)

      A98
      62
      215 CONTINUED: 215
      ^ BAILEY
      ( Who is he? What's he doing there?
      ROBINSON
      He won't tell us. We have an
      officer monitoring it.
      Genres: ["Action","Thriller","Crime"]

      Summary On the 37th floor, McClane prepares for a fight, while terrorists Fritz, Franco, and Karl search for him. In the police trailer, new characters gather as they learn about the unidentified gunman and the hostage situation. The scene concludes with the SWAT team, City Engineer, and mayor's office liaison joining the trailer, readying for discussions and strategizing.
      Strengths
      • Intense atmosphere
      • Strategic setup
      • High-stakes confrontation
      • Well-developed characters
      Weaknesses
      • Lack of standout dialogue
      • Limited emotional depth in dialogue exchanges

      Ratings
      Overall

      Overall: 9

      The scene is highly engaging, filled with suspense, action, and strategic elements that keep the audience on the edge of their seats. The stakes are raised as McClane prepares for a showdown with the terrorists, leading to a climactic confrontation.


      Story Content

      Concept: 9

      The concept of a lone hero facing off against a group of terrorists in a high-rise building is executed with precision in this scene. The strategic setup, the use of explosives, and the cat-and-mouse game between McClane and the terrorists create a tense and thrilling atmosphere.

      Plot: 8

      The plot advances significantly in this scene as McClane prepares for a confrontation with the terrorists on the 37th floor. The tension builds as both sides make strategic moves, leading to a high-stakes showdown.

      Originality: 9

      The scene introduces unique elements like the protagonist's use of explosives and makeshift fortresses, as well as the tense communication between law enforcement and terrorists. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and contribute to the suspenseful atmosphere.


      Character Development

      Characters: 8

      The characters, especially McClane and the terrorists, are well-developed in this scene. McClane's resourcefulness and determination shine through, while the terrorists' ruthlessness and cunning add to the tension of the confrontation.

      Character Changes: 7

      McClane's character undergoes a subtle change as he shifts from a defensive position to an offensive one, preparing to take on the terrorists head-on. This change in approach adds depth to his character and sets the stage for the climax of the scene.

      Internal Goal: 8

      The protagonist's internal goal is to protect himself and potentially others from the terrorists. This reflects his desire for survival and his fear of being caught or harmed.

      External Goal: 7

      The protagonist's external goal is to outsmart and defeat the terrorists in the building. This reflects the immediate challenge he is facing and the need to save the hostages.


      Scene Elements

      Conflict Level: 9

      The conflict between McClane and the terrorists reaches a peak in this scene, with both sides preparing for a showdown. The tension is high, and the stakes are raised as the confrontation looms closer.

      Opposition: 8

      The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist facing multiple challenges and obstacles that create uncertainty and suspense for the audience.

      High Stakes: 9

      The stakes are incredibly high in this scene, with McClane facing off against a group of terrorists in a life-or-death confrontation. The outcome of the showdown will have far-reaching consequences for all involved.

      Story Forward: 9

      The scene propels the story forward significantly as McClane sets up traps and prepares for a confrontation with the terrorists. The tension and suspense build as both sides make strategic moves, leading to a climactic showdown.

      Unpredictability: 8

      This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists and turns in the protagonist's actions and the escalating tension between the characters.

      Philosophical Conflict: 6

      There is a philosophical conflict between the protagonist's values of justice and the terrorists' values of violence and control. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs in law and order.


      Audience Engagement

      Emotional Impact: 7

      The scene evokes a sense of anxiety and fear as McClane and the terrorists prepare to face off. The audience is emotionally invested in the outcome of the confrontation, adding to the intensity of the scene.

      Dialogue: 7

      The dialogue in the scene is focused on conveying information and building tension between the characters. While it serves its purpose effectively, there are no standout lines or memorable exchanges.

      Engagement: 9

      This scene is engaging because of its high stakes, fast-paced action, and suspenseful atmosphere that keeps the audience on the edge of their seats.

      Pacing: 9

      The pacing of the scene is fast and intense, with a rhythm that builds tension and keeps the audience engaged throughout.


      Technical Aspect

      Formatting: 7

      The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings and descriptions that enhance the visual storytelling.

      Structure: 8

      The scene follows the expected structure for its genre of action thriller, with a clear progression of events and tension building towards a climax.


      Critique
      • The scene is very technical and may be difficult for some readers to follow.
      • The dialogue is sparse and doesn't do much to move the plot forward.
      • The action is repetitive and not particularly exciting.
      • The scene doesn't do much to develop the characters.
      • The ending of the scene is abrupt and unsatisfying.
      Suggestions
      • Break up the technical information into smaller chunks and explain it in a way that is easy to understand.
      • Add more dialogue to the scene to help move the plot forward and develop the characters.
      • Vary the action to make it more exciting.
      • Add more character development to the scene by giving the characters more depth and motivation.
      • Rewrite the ending of the scene to make it more satisfying.



      Scene 21 -  Hostage Situation Discussion and Disagreement over Sewer Plan
      216 EXT. POLICE TRAILER - SIDEWALK - ON POWELL - SAME 216
      He stands on the street behind some cars with his CB.
      An officer comes by with a fresh cup of coffee for
      him.
      POWELL
      (to CB)
      How're you doing, partner?
      INTERCUT:
      217 MCCLANE ON 37TH FLOOR 217
      He sits with his back to the wall, behind his fort of
      overturned desks. He's tired and hungry and raises his CB.
      MCCLANE
      (to Powell)
      I'm hanging in there. Is that
      f^ coffee I smell?
      POWELL
      Sorry about that, man. How'd
      you know?
      MCCLANE
      Just say I've been there.
      What's happening down there?
      POWELL
      Well, they're having some
      big pow-wow right now.
      MCCLANE
      And you're not invited to it?
      POWELL
      Hey, man I'm just a desk
      jockey who was on my way
      home when all this happened.
      MCCLANE
      Funny, I figured you for the
      street, AI, the way you drove
      ("* that car.
      The compliment stirs some buried pride in Powell.
      POWELL
      It's been a while, partner.
      A98
      63
      218 INT. POLICE TRAILER - SAME 218
      Mitchell has started to assert himself. Henry puts an unlit
      cigarette between his lips and studies the diagrams.
      MITCHELL
      I propose we send two men up the
      sewers...enter the building here '—
      BAILEY
      What for?
      MITCHELL
      (patiently)
      Having our men on the inside puts
      us in a position to release the
      hostages should the opportunity
      arise and also give us an accurate
      account of the strengths of this
      i group.
      t LITTLE JOHNSON
      Why don't you use the man
      who's already inside?
      MITCHELL
      Because he's not one of my_ men.
      BIG JOHNSON
      You haven't even talked to him.
      BAILEY
      (trying to get
      a word in)
      Frankly, I think we' should wait'
      until they want to talk.
      MITCHELL
      When they want to talk it'11 be
      too late. We need our men inside,
      now...
      HENRY
      (quietly)
      Can't do it.
      Everyone suddenly looks at Henry.
      HENRY
      (to Mitchell)
      You can't get men in through the
      sewers.
      MITCHELL
      What*re you talking about?
      (CONTINUED)
      A98
      64
      218 CONTINUED: 218
      f* HENRY
      (noticing all
      the looks)
      The building's got a fourty foot
      deep reverse flow conduit...they
      can't get across it.
      MITCHELL
      You have a better way in?
      Henry puts his cigarettes back into his mouth and looks back
      at the diagram.
      HENRY
      Maybe...Anyone got a light.
      Genres: ["Action","Thriller","Crime"]

      Summary John McClane, trapped on the 37th floor of Nakatomi Plaza, communicates with Al Powell through CB radios as he expresses his need for coffee. Meanwhile, the police force, led by Deputy Chief Dwayne T. Robinson and Captain Carmine Lorenzo, discuss their plans to deal with the hostage situation. Sergeant Henry and his team consider sending two men through the sewers, but Henry opposes this idea due to the building's four-story deep reverse flow conduit. The scene ends with Henry expressing his doubts about Mitchell's plan, leaving the conflict unresolved.
      Strengths
      • Intense action
      • Tense atmosphere
      • Well-developed characters
      Weaknesses
      • Some dialogue may feel cliched or predictable

      Ratings
      Overall

      Overall: 8

      The scene is well-paced, intense, and crucial in advancing the plot. It effectively builds tension and sets up the climax of the story.


      Story Content

      Concept: 7

      The concept of a lone hero facing off against a group of terrorists in a high-rise building is engaging and well-executed.

      Plot: 9

      The plot is gripping, with multiple layers of conflict and escalating stakes. The scene moves the story forward significantly.

      Originality: 9

      The scene introduces a fresh approach to a familiar hostage situation scenario, with nuanced character dynamics and realistic dialogue. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality.


      Character Development

      Characters: 8

      The characters are well-developed, with distinct motivations and personalities. Their interactions drive the tension in the scene.

      Character Changes: 6

      McClane's determination and resourcefulness are highlighted, showcasing his growth as a character.

      Internal Goal: 8

      McClane's internal goal is to survive and protect the hostages, reflecting his deeper need for redemption and to prove himself as a capable officer despite being off-duty.

      External Goal: 7

      McClane's external goal is to outsmart the terrorists and find a way to communicate with the police outside to coordinate a rescue plan.


      Scene Elements

      Conflict Level: 9

      The conflict between McClane and the terrorists, as well as the internal conflict within law enforcement, is intense and drives the scene forward.

      Opposition: 8

      The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting viewpoints and obstacles that challenge the characters' decisions and strategies.

      High Stakes: 9

      The stakes are high, with lives on the line and the threat of a large-scale disaster looming.

      Story Forward: 9

      The scene significantly advances the plot, setting up the climax and resolution of the story.

      Unpredictability: 7

      This scene is unpredictable because of the conflicting strategies and unexpected obstacles that arise, keeping the audience on edge.

      Philosophical Conflict: 7

      The philosophical conflict is between Mitchell's proactive approach to sending men inside the building and Bailey's more cautious wait-and-see strategy. This challenges McClane's belief in taking action and making tough decisions in a crisis.


      Audience Engagement

      Emotional Impact: 7

      The scene evokes a sense of tension and suspense, keeping the audience emotionally engaged.

      Dialogue: 7

      The dialogue is sharp and serves to reveal character dynamics and advance the plot.

      Engagement: 9

      This scene is engaging because of the high stakes, tense atmosphere, and dynamic character interactions that keep the audience invested in the outcome.

      Pacing: 8

      The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by balancing dialogue with action, keeping the tension high and the plot moving forward.


      Technical Aspect

      Formatting: 8

      The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings and character actions described effectively.

      Structure: 8

      The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with clear transitions between locations and well-paced dialogue that advances the plot.


      Critique
      • The scene doesn't really advance the plot in any meaningful way. It's mostly just exposition and character development. While this can be important, it's important to make sure that every scene is contributing to the overall story in some way.
      • The dialogue is a bit wooden and unnatural. It doesn't sound like the way real people would talk to each other.
      • The scene is too long. It could be shortened by cutting out some of the unnecessary dialogue and exposition.
      Suggestions
      • Add some more conflict to the scene. This could be something as simple as a disagreement between Powell and Mitchell, or it could be something more major, like a terrorist attack.
      • Re-write the dialogue so that it sounds more natural and realistic.
      • Shorten the scene by cutting out some of the unnecessary dialogue and exposition.



      Scene 22 -  McClane's Escape from the Terrorists
      219 EXT. POLICE TRAILER - SAME 219
      I
      / Powell is talking with McClane on the CB.
      POWELL
      You seem to know a lot about
      cops. You been one? Are you one?
      INTERCUT:
      { 220 INT. MCCLANE - 37TH FLOOR - SAME 220
      Sitting against the wall.
      MCCLANE
      I watch a lot of TV. What can
      I say...?
      POWELL
      (probing)
      You don't learn to kill like
      that on TV.
      MCCLANE
      Hey, Al...if I could tell you
      who I was, I'd tell you. You're
      just going to have to trust me.
      It's an appeal and the words effect Powell, he answers
      quietly, like a promise.
      POWELL
      I trust you, man.
      ^ Suddenly he hears A CLATTERING SOUND over his CB.

      (CONTINUED)

      A98
      65
      220 CONTINUED: 220
      MCCLANE'S VOICE
      /fe$\ (o.s.)
      I've got company, Al...I'll get
      back to you.
      POWELL
      Wait, wait, stay on the line!
      But he realizes McClane is gone.
      221 INT. 37TH FLOOR - NIGHT 221
      McClane moves from his fort in the shadows to the corner of
      the floor.
      222 MCCLANE'S P.O.V. 222
      The axe has fallen, but the floor looks deserted.
      223 MCCLANE 223
      He hears a noise across the room — like a lamp being
      knocked over, then a phone. McClane is on the move. Quickly
      he moves through the cubicles, pausing before the doorway
      to each one. The noises behind him become louder.
      He passes the stairwell door and comes to the corner, looks
      f*- carefully around it — it is clear. He steps around it
      and suddenly Karl appears around the other corner directly
      in front of him and opens fire. The bullets rip into the wall
      in front of him — hitting a metal drinking fountain and
      sending water spewing across the room. McClane ducks back
      around the corner but at that moment Franco and Fritz
      appear at the other end cutting off his retreat.
      .MCCLANE
      Oh, shit...
      McClane feels the handle of the stairwell door behind him and
      pushes it, disappearing into the stairwell just as the two
      terrorists open fire.
      224 INT. STAIRWELL - SAME 224
      Quickly McClane starts up the stairs. His bare feet taking
      the concrete steps two at a time, heading into the darkness
      of the next landing. Suddenly WE HEAR a CRUNCH and McClane
      stiffens like he's been shot.
      225 CLOSE - MCCLANE'S FOOT 225
      The broken glass of fluorescent light bulbs and blood moves
      ^ out from beneath his left foot.


      A98
      66
      226 MCCLANE 226
      leans against the railing for support, the pain is incredible.
      (
      **
      "*
      *• He lifts his foot exposing a three inch gash. Gritting his
      teeth he reaches into the bloody slash and extracts a large piece
      of glass. Suddenly below WE HEAR the stairwell door open.
      McClane fires a burst down the stairwell and pulls himself to
      the door, three steps up.
      227 38TH FLOOR 227
      McClane hobbles painfully toward the elevator bank — every
      step leaves a pool of blood in the carpet.-
      228 EXT. OUTSIDE POLICE TRAILER - ON POWELL - SAME 228
      He clutches his CB and tries desperately to make contact
      with McClane.
      POWELL
      Come in, Partner. If you can
      hear me, come in...
      229 INT. STAIRWELL - 38TH FLOOR - SAME 229
      Franco and Karl reach the bloodstains on the stairs. They
      move carefully to the door to the 38th floor and crack it
      slightly, then open it more — McClane is nowhere in sight,
      but his trail is evident.
      s£$£>\


      A bloody path leads toward the elevator bank — veering
      toward a secretary's desk — missing it's chair — then
      back to the elevators. Suddenly the two terrorists HEAR
      the SOUND OF AN ELEVATOR in motion and move quickly to the:
      230 ELEVATOR BANK - 38TH FLOOR 230
      Two sets of elevators facing each other like square dancers.
      McClane*s bloodstains lead up to a set of doors and quickly
      Franco forces open the doors with his fingers and looks in.
      231 FRANCO'S P.O.V. 231
      The elevator car in motion going down. It stops two floors
      below them.
      FRANCO
      He's going down.
      They move quickly back to the stairwell as we STAY in the
      elevator bank a full second after they're gone. Suddenly
      the doors on the opposite side of the bank open and we SEE
      McClane sitting in the secretary's chair keeping his bleeding
      left foot off the ground.
      /flW\
      232 38TH FLOOR - MAIN OFFICE AREA 232
      McClane hobbles back to the office area. He goes to the
      first desk he reaches and begins going through the drawers
      (CONTINUED)
      A98
      67
      232 CONTINUED: 232

      /m^ looking for gauze or something to stop the bleeding on his
      [ foot. No luck, he moves to the next desk and opens a drawer.
      He finds a box of Kleenex and tosses it. A little more
      digging turns up a box of band-aids — finger size. He opens
      another drawer digs for a moment then closes it — nothing.
      Then he stops — and slowly reopens the last drawer.
      233 INSERT - THE DRAWER 233
      He pulls back some papers and REVEALS a box of MAXI-PADS.
      Genres: ["Action","Thriller"]

      Summary McClane, hiding on the 37th floor of Nakatomi Plaza, talks to Powell over the CB radio but hangs up to investigate noises, confronting several terrorists and escaping to a stairwell. He steps on broken glass, injuring his foot and leaving a blood trail. The conflict between McClane and the terrorists is not resolved, but the scene ends with McClane hobbling away, injured but alive.
      Strengths
      • Intense action
      • Suspenseful atmosphere
      • Strong character development
      Weaknesses
      • Some cliched dialogue
      • Minor plot conveniences

      Ratings
      Overall

      Overall: 9

      The scene is highly engaging, filled with tension, and showcases McClane's resilience and quick thinking.


      Story Content

      Concept: 8

      The concept of a lone officer facing off against a group of terrorists in a high-rise building is compelling and well-executed.

      Plot: 9

      The plot is fast-paced, filled with action, and keeps the audience on the edge of their seats.

      Originality: 9

      The scene is original in its depiction of a lone hero facing overwhelming odds in a high-stakes situation. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and contribute to the tension.


      Character Development

      Characters: 8

      The characters, especially McClane, are well-developed and their actions drive the plot forward.

      Character Changes: 7

      McClane undergoes physical and emotional challenges, showcasing his growth and determination.

      Internal Goal: 8

      The protagonist's internal goal is survival and protecting others. This reflects his deeper need for redemption and his fear of failure.

      External Goal: 7

      The protagonist's external goal is to evade the terrorists and find a way to alert the authorities. This reflects the immediate challenge of being hunted and outnumbered.


      Scene Elements

      Conflict Level: 9

      The conflict between McClane and the terrorists is intense and drives the action forward.

      Opposition: 8

      The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist facing multiple armed terrorists and obstacles in his escape.

      High Stakes: 9

      The high stakes of the hostage situation and McClane's life create a sense of urgency and danger.

      Story Forward: 9

      The scene significantly moves the story forward by escalating the conflict and raising the stakes.

      Unpredictability: 8

      This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists and turns in the protagonist's escape plan.

      Philosophical Conflict: 6

      The philosophical conflict is between the protagonist's belief in justice and the terrorists' belief in violence. This challenges the protagonist's values and worldview.


      Audience Engagement

      Emotional Impact: 8

      The scene evokes fear, tension, and admiration for McClane's bravery.

      Dialogue: 7

      The dialogue is effective in conveying tension and character motivations.

      Engagement: 9

      This scene is engaging because of its fast-paced action, high stakes, and the protagonist's struggle for survival.

      Pacing: 9

      The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension and suspense through the protagonist's actions and the terrorists' pursuit.


      Technical Aspect

      Formatting: 8

      The scene follows the expected formatting for an action screenplay, with clear scene headings and descriptions.

      Structure: 8

      The scene follows the expected structure for a suspenseful action sequence, with clear pacing and escalation of tension.


      Critique
      • The scene starts with McClane getting confronted by Karl and Franco. This is a bit predictable and could be more interesting if there was a different way for McClane to get into trouble.
      • The dialogue between McClane and Franco is a bit unnatural. It feels like they're just talking to each other to move the plot forward, and there's not much character development or tension.
      • The scene ends with McClane escaping in the elevator. This is a bit anticlimactic, and it would be more satisfying if there was a more dramatic or exciting way for McClane to get out of the situation.
      Suggestions
      • Start the scene with McClane already in the stairwell, trying to find a way out. This would create more tension and suspense, and it would also make it less predictable.
      • Give McClane and Franco a more personal conflict. This could be something as simple as McClane having a grudge against Franco, or it could be something more complex, like McClane having been responsible for the death of Franco's brother.
      • End the scene with McClane being captured by Franco and Karl. This would be more dramatic and exciting, and it would also leave the audience on a cliffhanger, wondering what will happen to McClane next.



      Scene 23 -  Preparing for Confrontation: Spotlight on Nakatomi Plaza
      234 EXT. NAKATOMI - HUGE SPOTLIGHT - SAME 234
      A huge spotlight is brought into position a half-block away
      from the building. We NOTICE several more — their generators
      rumbling. Suddenly their beams are turned on, increased in
      intensity and pointed to the building. The reflection off
      the glass is incredible, blinding.
      )'
      / 235 INT. HANS' OFFICE - SAME 235
      Hans notices the growing illumination and goes to the window,
      carefully looking out. The entire front of the building is
      whited out. He picks up his CB.
      236 INT. STAIRWELL - SAME 236
      Karl and Franco moving carefully down the stairwell. Their
      . CB crackles to life.
      HANS' VOICE
      (on CB)
      1
      The police are moving.
      i
      ( 237 INT. 38TH FLOOR 237
      McClane unwraps a maxi-pad and tapes it tightly to the
      bottom of his cut foot. He tests it gingerly on the carpet —
      it's painful, but serviceable. Looking up he notices the
      intensity in the lights outside. McClane picks up his CB.
      MCCLANE
      AI?
      POWELL'S VOICE
      (o.s.)
      Right here, partner. I thought
      we'd lost you.
      • MCCLANE
      You almost did. I'm going to
      be limping for a while. What's
      f* going on down there?
      238 EXT. POLICE TRAILER - SIDEWALK - ON POWELL 238
      Around him the activity with the huge spotlight is apparent.
      „00 (CONTINUED)
      A98
      68

      238 CONTINUED: 238

      POWELL
      Just sit tight. We're just
      adding a little light to see by.
      MCCLANE'S VOICE
      (o.s.)
      Listen to me! If you're getting
      ready to try something, don't.
      This is what they want!
      239 INT. HANS' OFFICE - ON HANS - SAME 239
      at the window, looking out. He can't see anything — total
      whiteout. Instead of panic however he senses a confrontation
      and it excites him. He smiles and steps into the hall.
      HOLLY
      ? (to Hans)
      / What's going on?
      HANS
      The child is about to touch
      the stove.
      240 EXT. CENTURY CITY APARTMENT BUILDING - SAME 240
      /0fe\
      Two SWAT officers, with blackened faces and carrying
      equipment bags, move quickly through the lobby of a nearby
      apartment building and enter Lobby elevator.
      Genres: ["Action","Thriller","Drama"]

      Summary In the evening, a huge spotlight shines on Nakatomi Plaza, attracting the attention of Hans and his associates. McClane, injured but determined, contacts Powell through CB radio to inform him about the situation. Two SWAT officers prepare to act in a nearby apartment building. Inside Nakatomi Plaza, Hans shares his excitement about the imminent confrontation with Holly. The scene is tense and suspenseful, with the main conflict being the impending confrontation between McClane and the terrorists. The scene ends with the SWAT officers getting ready to advance in the apartment building, heightening the anticipation for future encounters.
      Strengths
      • Intense action sequences
      • Tense atmosphere
      • Strong character dynamics
      • Sharp dialogue
      Weaknesses
      • Some cliched elements
      • Minor inconsistencies in character actions

      Ratings
      Overall

      Overall: 9

      The scene is highly engaging, filled with tension, action, and suspense. It effectively sets up the climax of the film and keeps the audience on the edge of their seats.


      Story Content

      Concept: 8

      The concept of a lone hero facing off against a group of terrorists in a high-rise building is well-executed, with the added element of the police closing in adding to the stakes.

      Plot: 9

      The plot is well-developed, with multiple threads converging towards a climactic confrontation. The tension is palpable, and the stakes are high.

      Originality: 8

      The scene introduces a unique situation of a lone hero facing off against a group of terrorists in a high-stakes situation. The dialogue feels authentic and adds to the tension of the scene.


      Character Development

      Characters: 8

      The characters are well-defined, with John McClane as the determined hero, Hans as the calculating villain, and the supporting cast adding depth to the conflict.

      Character Changes: 7

      John McClane undergoes physical and emotional challenges, showcasing his resilience and determination. The terrorists also face setbacks and challenges, adding depth to their characters.

      Internal Goal: 8

      McClane's internal goal is to survive and protect the hostages, as seen by his actions to treat his injured foot and communicate with Powell.

      External Goal: 7

      McClane's external goal is to thwart the terrorists' plans and prevent any further harm to the hostages.


      Scene Elements

      Conflict Level: 9

      The conflict is intense and multi-layered, with physical confrontations, psychological warfare, and the looming presence of the police adding to the tension.

      Opposition: 8

      The opposition in the scene is strong, with the terrorists posing a significant threat to McClane and the hostages.

      High Stakes: 9

      The stakes are high, with lives on the line, the police closing in, and the threat of explosives adding urgency to the situation.

      Story Forward: 9

      The scene propels the story forward towards the climax, with new revelations, escalating stakes, and the convergence of multiple plot threads.

      Unpredictability: 8

      This scene is unpredictable because of the shifting dynamics between the characters and the uncertain outcome of the conflict.

      Philosophical Conflict: 7

      The philosophical conflict is between McClane's desire to protect the hostages and the terrorists' willingness to harm them for their own gain. This challenges McClane's values of justice and protection.


      Audience Engagement

      Emotional Impact: 8

      The scene evokes a range of emotions, from fear and anxiety to determination and suspense. The audience is emotionally invested in the outcome of the confrontation.

      Dialogue: 8

      The dialogue is sharp and impactful, driving the tension and conflict forward. It effectively conveys the motivations and dynamics between the characters.

      Engagement: 9

      This scene is engaging because of its high stakes, suspenseful atmosphere, and strong character motivations.

      Pacing: 9

      The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by maintaining a sense of urgency and building suspense.


      Technical Aspect

      Formatting: 8

      The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings and descriptions.

      Structure: 9

      The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, building tension and conflict effectively.


      Critique
      • The scene lacks clear stakes and tension. While the spotlight illuminates the building, it doesn't seem to pose any immediate danger or change the situation for the characters involved.
      • The dialogue between McClane and Powell is brief and doesn't offer much insight into their characters or the situation.
      • Hans' reaction to the spotlight is vague and doesn't provide a satisfying payoff for the buildup created by the intense illumination.
      • The brief appearance of the SWAT officers doesn't add much to the scene and feels like a disjointed element.
      • The previous scene ends with McClane finding maxi-pads to bandage his wound, which creates an expectation for him to use them in this scene. However, this expectation is not met, making the previous scene's detail feel unnecessary.
      Suggestions
      • Consider having the spotlight reveal something important or create a specific threat to raise the tension and stakes for the characters.
      • Expand the dialogue between McClane and Powell to provide more information about their situation, objectives, and concerns.
      • Give Hans a more specific and meaningful reaction to the spotlight, such as a strategic response or a moment of realization.
      • Integrate the SWAT officers' appearance more seamlessly into the scene by having them take a specific action or provide crucial information.
      • Find a way to incorporate the maxi-pads into the scene, either by having McClane use them or by having them serve as a symbol of his resourcefulness or determination.



      Scene 24 -  Attack on the SWAT Team at Nakatomi Plaza
      241 EXT. ADJACENT BUILDING - ROOF - SAME 241
      Another PAIR of SWAT OFFICERS move to a point on the roof
      of another building and peer over the edge at the brilliantly
      lit Nakatomi building. THE SPOTTER stares through an infrared
      scope at the Nakatomi roof while the other officer, THE SNIPER
      sets up his rifle.
      242 EXT. CENTURY CITY - ON MITCHELL AND ROBINSON - 242
      POLICE BARRICADES
      Mitchell listens to a CB radio then looks at Robinson, who
      is visibly tense.
      MITCHELL
      We're in position.
      Robinson hesitates, then gives his approval with a nod.
      MITCHELL
      (to CB)
      Go.




      A98
      69

      243 ANGLE ON TWO SWAT OFFICERS 243
      /9&\
      { They sprint unmolested to the bars covering the garage doors.
      Mitchell and Robinson watch from behind the cover of a police
      car as one of the SWAT officers removes a portable welding
      torch and begins cutting his way through the lock.
      244 INT. 38TH FLOOR - MCCLANE 244
      He moves painfully to the window and looks out. He can't
      see a thing because of the lights.
      MCCLANE
      (to himself)
      No...
      245 EXT. POLICE BARRICADES - ON MITCHELL AND ROBINSON 245
      Suddenly rifle fire sounds from the building.
      ROBINSON
      (worriedly)
      They're shooting at them.
      MITCHELL
      (calmly)
      It's panic fire...they can't see
      f* anything.
      More shots ring out from the building going over the SWAT
      officers' heads and suddenly the huge dome of one of the
      spotlights shatters behind Mitchell and Robinson's head.
      The glow fades. A moment later the next light twenty feet
      away dies.
      ROBINSON
      They're going after the lights!
      The two SWAT officers cutting the garage gate suddenly look
      up as their cover starts to disappear.
      ROBINSON
      Call them back.
      MITCHELL
      No, they're almost in.
      Suddenly the third and fourth lights are shot out and the
      SWAT men become sitting ducks.
      246 INT. 3RD FLOOR 246
      { The terrorist marksman, Alexander, on the third floor draws
      a bead through his scope and hits one of the officers in the
      leg, then hits 'the second one in the chest.

      A98
      70
      247 EXT. POLICE BARRICADES - ON MITCHELL AND ROBINSON 247
      P MITCHELL
      (on radio)
      Send up the car!
      An armored car wheels toward the building and starts toward
      the wounded men.
      248 INT. HANS' OFFICE - SAME 248
      From his vantage point he watches the action. At the sight
      of the armored car he lifts his CB.
      HANS
      They're sending in the car.
      249 INT. ROOF-MACHINE ROOM/SERVICE ELEVATOR - SAME 249
      JAMES quickly loads two small crates onto the service
      elevator and pushes the button for the 3rd floor. As the car
      starts down, he removes an anti-tank gun from one of the crates.
      250 INT. 38TH FLOOR - SAME 250
      McClane HEARS the sound of the ELEVATOR MOTOR running coming
      down from the roof. He picks up his CB.
      V MCCLANE
      AI, what's happening out there?
      POWELL'S VOICE
      (o.s.)
      They're kicking our ass down here.
      We've got two men down and we're
      going to have to send in a shield
      to get them out.
      MCCLANE
      That's what they want.
      POWELL'S VOICE
      (o.s.)
      Hey, man we aren't going to let them
      sit out there!
      251 INT. 3RD FLOOR - SAME 251
      The service elevator arrives on the third floor and James
      moves across the room toward the windows with the anti-tank
      weapon. At the window, Alexander puts down his rifle and
      takes the weapon from James.
      /fM;i\

      ( CONTINUED)



      A98
      71
      251 CONTINUED: 251
      /fiwlfP\

      Outside the window the armored car has stopped in front of
      the wounded men and paramedics quickly load them in from the
      sheltered side of the vehicle. Alexander quickly sights on
      the armored car.
      ALEXANDER
      (to Hans, CB)
      I have them.
      HANS' VOICE
      (o.s., over CB)
      Fire.
      252 EXT. THE ARMORED CAR 252
      A blast ROARS from the third floor window and the shell hits
      j the armored car. The car pitches forward like a beast whose
      1 front legs have been shot out from under it — its front axle
      destroyed, unable to move. Alexander looks back at James and
      grins.
      253 32ND FLOOR - HANS 253
      He watches from his window. Coldly picks up his CB.
      f^ HANS
      Hit it again.
      254 MCCLANE 254
      listening. He picks up his CB.
      MCCLANE
      Hans, you motherfucker, you've
      made your point. Let them pull
      back!
      HANS' VOICE
      (o.s.)
      No, Mr. Barefoot man, there's more
      to teach them.
      McClane slumps to the floor below the window. He feels
      helpless, then notices his kit bag.
      255 3RD FLOOR 255
      James runs back to the crate "on the elevator.
      Genres: ["Action","Thriller"]

      Summary Two SWAT officers, Mitchell and Robinson, oversee their team cutting through the garage gates of Nakatomi Plaza. Meanwhile, terrorists James and Alexander fire at the SWAT team and armored car from the 38th floor. McClane, on the same floor, communicates with Powell via CB radio, feeling helpless as he listens to the tense and action-packed scene unfold. The conflict remains unresolved, with the armored car destroyed and two SWAT officers wounded, while Hans oversees the attacks from his office.
      Strengths
      • Intense action sequences
      • Tense atmosphere
      • Strategic use of lighting
      Weaknesses
      • Some cliched dialogue
      • Minor inconsistencies in character actions

      Ratings
      Overall

      Overall: 9

      The scene is highly engaging, filled with tension, action, and high stakes. It keeps the audience on the edge of their seats with its fast-paced and suspenseful elements.


      Story Content

      Concept: 8

      The concept of a lone officer facing off against a group of terrorists in a high-rise building is executed effectively, creating a thrilling and intense scenario.

      Plot: 9

      The plot is well-developed, with multiple layers of conflict and tension intertwining to create a gripping narrative.

      Originality: 8

      The scene offers a fresh take on the action genre with its focus on character motivations and moral dilemmas, adding depth to the familiar scenario of a hostage situation.


      Character Development

      Characters: 8

      The characters are well-defined, with clear motivations and actions that drive the plot forward.

      Character Changes: 7

      McClane undergoes a transformation from feeling helpless to finding a way to fight back, showcasing his resilience and resourcefulness.

      Internal Goal: 8

      McClane's internal goal is to protect the innocent and stop the terrorists, reflecting his sense of duty, courage, and determination.

      External Goal: 7

      McClane's external goal is to survive and outsmart the terrorists, navigating the dangerous situation he is in.


      Scene Elements

      Conflict Level: 9

      The conflict is intense and multi-faceted, with physical, emotional, and strategic battles taking place simultaneously.

      Opposition: 8

      The opposition in the scene is strong, with the characters facing difficult challenges and obstacles that create tension and uncertainty.

      High Stakes: 10

      The high stakes are evident with the armored car attack, putting lives in danger and increasing the tension to a peak.

      Story Forward: 9

      The scene propels the story forward significantly, escalating the conflict and raising the stakes for the characters.

      Unpredictability: 8

      This scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected twists and turns in the characters' actions and the escalating tension.

      Philosophical Conflict: 7

      The philosophical conflict revolves around the value of human life and the use of violence to achieve goals. McClane's belief in protecting innocent lives clashes with the terrorists' ruthless tactics.


      Audience Engagement

      Emotional Impact: 8

      The scene evokes a range of emotions, from fear and anxiety to determination and adrenaline, keeping the audience emotionally invested.

      Dialogue: 7

      The dialogue is sharp and impactful, adding to the tension and conflict in the scene.

      Engagement: 9

      This scene is engaging because of its high stakes, fast-paced action, and dynamic character interactions.

      Pacing: 9

      The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a balance of action, dialogue, and suspense that keeps the audience engaged.


      Technical Aspect

      Formatting: 8

      The formatting adheres to the expected format for an action thriller screenplay, with clear scene descriptions and dialogue.

      Structure: 9

      The scene follows a clear and engaging structure, building tension and conflict effectively.


      Critique
      • The scene starts with two SWAT officers moving to a point on the roof of another building and peering over the edge at the brilliantly lit Nakatomi building. This is a good way to set the scene and establish the stakes, but it could be more visually interesting if the officers were doing something more active, such as setting up a sniper position or preparing to rappel down the side of the building.
      • The dialogue between Mitchell and Robinson is a bit bland and expository. It would be more interesting if they had a more dynamic conversation, such as discussing their strategy or the risks involved in the operation.
      • The scene cuts to McClane looking out the window of the 38th floor, unable to see anything because of the lights. This is a good way to show McClane's frustration and helplessness, but it could be more visually interesting if he were doing something more active, such as trying to find a way to escape or fight back.
      • The scene then cuts to the SWAT officers cutting the garage gate, which is suddenly met with rifle fire from the building. This is a good way to show the danger that the SWAT officers are in, but it could be more suspenseful if the officers were in more immediate danger, such as being pinned down by gunfire or having to make a daring escape.
      • The scene then cuts to Hans watching the action from his vantage point and lifts his CB. This is a good way to show Hans's control over the situation, but it could be more interesting if he were doing something more active, such as giving orders to his men or preparing to take action himself.
      • The scene then cuts to James loading two small crates onto the service elevator and pushing the button for the 3rd floor. As the car starts down, he removes an anti-tank gun from one of the crates. This is a good way to show that the terrorists are preparing for a major attack, but it could be more suspenseful if the gun were being assembled or prepared for use in a more immediate way.
      • The scene then cuts to McClane hearing the sound of the elevator motor running coming down from the roof. He picks up his CB and asks Powell what's happening out there. This is a good way to show McClane's concern for the SWAT officers, but it could be more interesting if he were doing something more active, such as trying to find a way to warn the officers or prepare for an attack.
      • The scene then cuts to the service elevator arriving on the third floor and James moving across the room toward the windows with the anti-tank weapon. At the window, Alexander puts down his rifle and takes the weapon from James. Outside the window, the armored car has stopped in front of the wounded men and paramedics quickly load them in from the sheltered side of the vehicle. Alexander quickly sights on the armored car. This is a good way to show the terrorists' ruthlessness and the danger that the SWAT officers are in, but it could be more suspenseful if the car were in more immediate danger, such as being surrounded by terrorists or having its tires shot out.
      • The scene then cuts to Hans watching from his window. He coldly picks up his CB and orders Alexander to hit the armored car again. This is a good way to show Hans's lack of mercy, but it could be more suspenseful if he were doing something more active, such as preparing to take action himself or giving orders to his men.
      • The scene then cuts to McClane listening and picking up his CB to tell Hans to let the SWAT officers pull back. This is a good way to show McClane's compassion and his willingness to negotiate, but it could be more interesting if he were doing something more active, such as trying to find a way to stop the terrorists or rescue the SWAT officers.
      • The scene then cuts to James running back to the crate on the elevator. This is a good way to show the terrorists' preparations for a major attack, but it could be more suspenseful if he were doing something more immediate, such as preparing the gun for use or loading it with ammunition.
      Suggestions
      • Add more visual details to the scene, such as the SWAT officers setting up a sniper position or preparing to rappel down the side of the building.
      • Add more dialogue between Mitchell and Robinson, such as discussing their strategy or the risks involved in the operation.
      • Have McClane do something more active, such as trying to find a way to escape or fight back.
      • Have the SWAT officers be in more immediate danger, such as being pinned down by gunfire or having to make a daring escape.
      • Have Hans do something more active, such as giving orders to his men or preparing to take action himself.
      • Have James assemble the anti-tank gun or prepare it for use in a more immediate way.
      • Have McClane do something more active, such as trying to find a way to warn the officers or prepare for an attack.
      • Have the armored car be in more immediate danger, such as being surrounded by terrorists or having its tires shot out.
      • Have Hans do something more active, such as preparing to take action himself or giving orders to his men.
      • Have McClane do something more active, such as trying to find a way to stop the terrorists or rescue the SWAT officers.
      • Have James do something more immediate, such as preparing the gun for use or loading it with ammunition.



      Scene 25 -  Explosive Inferno at Nakatomi Plaza
      256 EXT. POLICE BARRICADES - ON ROBINSON AND MITCHELL 256
      They look on in horror as the armored car sits helplessly on
      fire. On the police radio channel we HEAR the screams of
      men inside.

      AS8 (CONTINUED)
      72

      256 CONTINUED: 256
      Z^5**,
      MITCHELL
      (to radio)
      Davis! Jimenez!...Report...
      DAVIS
      (voice over; on
      radio, yelling)
      This is Davis. We've got one
      dead. Everybody's hit. Jimenez's
      bleeding bad. We've got to get
      the fuck out of here!
      MITCHELL
      (to radio)
      Davis, hang on! That's an order!
      Hang on, we'll get you out.
      • 257 INT. ELEVATOR CAR - 3RD FLOOR - SAME 257
      /
      James opens the box of shells and takes two and starts back
      across the room.
      258 INT. 38TH FLOOR - CLOSE ON A SHAPE OF PLASTIC 258
      EXPLOSIVE - SAME
      f^1 Like a football. It sits on the seat of a secretary's chair
      with castors. We PULL BACK TO SEE McClane press three
      detonators into the top, then cover the explosive with a
      typewriter, tying it securely in place with electrical cords.
      259 ANGLE ON SERVICE ELEVATOR - MCCLANE 259
      wheels the chair to the service elevator, opens the door and
      blocks them with a fire ax. He looks in — the top of the
      car can just be seen thirty five floors below.
      260 INT. 3RD FLOOR 260
      James hands the shell to Alexander, who expertly loads it
      into the anti-tank gun. Through the window we SEE a second
      armored car roll into position next to the other. Alexander
      lifts the anti-tank gun to his shoulder and aims.
      261 INT. 38TH FLOOR 261
      McClane pushes the chair into the shaft.
      MCCLANE
      Geronimo...motherfuckers.
      [ For a long moment there is nothing, then: the shaft is filled
      with light, then SOUND — an ungodly ROAR — and McClane is
      thrown back across the elevator corridor against the other
      bank of doors by the concussion wave.

      A98
      73

      262 ON THE '3RD FLOOR 262
      The explosion, like a firestorm, rips across the floor:
      263 BLOWING OUT THE MACHINE GUN NEST AND JAMES AND 263
      ALEXANDER
      264 SHATTERING WINDOWS 264
      265 SENDING DESKS, CHAIRS, PHONES, AND TYPWRITERS 265
      FLYING
      266 EXT. AVENUE OF THE STARS 266
      The police take cover behind their cars. Powell, Robinson,
      and Mitchell look like they've seen the face of God as the
      building rocks from the blast. Henry's cigarette falls from
      his mouth as a desk is sent hurtling across Avenue of the Stars
      into the trees across the street.
      267 INT. UNDERGROUND PARKING GARAGE - ON WILLIAM - SAME 267
      watching it on TV, feeling it all around him.
      WILLIAM
      Oh, Jesus...
      268 EXT. DOWN THE STREET - SAME 268
      Dick Thornburg's crew is taping.
      THORNBURG
      (in awe)
      Unreal.
      (to the cameraman)
      Did you get all that?
      CAMERAMAN
      Yep.
      Thornburg looks at his competitors still setting up.
      THORNBURG
      Eat your fucking heart out
      Channel Four.
      269 ON HOSTAGE FLOOR 269
      The hostages are shaken and the remaining terrorists, Fritz
      and Franco", aren't too sure of themselves either. Only
      Hans is relatively calm.
      f* FRANCO
      They're firing at us.
      (CONTINUED)

      A98
      74

      269 CONTINUED: 269

      HANS
      It's not the police...it's him.
      270 ANGLE ON HOLLY 270
      She comforts an older woman.
      Genres: ["Action","Thriller"]

      Summary In a chaotic and destructive scene, McClane triggers an explosion on the 38th floor, eliminating a machine gun nest. The blast, heard by various characters, including the police, William in the parking garage, and Dick Thornburg's news crew, creates confusion and panic. Simultaneously, James and Alexander prepare an anti-tank gun on the 3rd floor, targeting a second armored car. The hostages and terrorists on the hostage floor are also affected by the explosion, adding to the existing conflicts. Amidst the chaos, Mitchell tries to communicate with the police officers trapped in the armored car, and McClane shouts 'Geronimo...motherfuckers' before detonating the explosion. The scene concludes with the aftermath of the explosion, leaving the building in ruins and the characters in shock.
      Strengths
      • Intense action
      • Suspenseful buildup
      • Strategic use of explosives
      • Character development
      Weaknesses
      • Possible excessive violence
      • Lack of emotional depth in some characters

      Ratings
      Overall

      Overall: 9

      The scene is highly intense, suspenseful, and action-packed, with a major turning point in the plot. The explosive climax raises the stakes and keeps the audience on the edge of their seats.


      Story Content

      Concept: 8

      The concept of using explosives as a strategic move by John McClane to take down the terrorists is innovative and adds a new dimension to the action. The scene effectively showcases the tactical thinking and resourcefulness of the protagonist.

      Plot: 9

      The plot advances significantly in this scene with the explosive showdown between McClane and the terrorists. The tension and conflict reach a peak, setting the stage for the resolution of the hostage situation.

      Originality: 9

      The scene features unique situations such as the use of explosives and anti-tank guns in a high-rise building, along with authentic dialogue that adds to the realism of the action.


      Character Development

      Characters: 8

      The characters, especially John McClane and the terrorists, are well-developed and their actions drive the scene forward. McClane's resourcefulness and determination are highlighted, while the terrorists' desperation adds to the suspense.

      Character Changes: 7

      John McClane undergoes a transformation in this scene, from a lone officer fighting against the terrorists to a strategic thinker who uses explosives to turn the tide in his favor. The terrorists also face the consequences of their actions.

      Internal Goal: 8

      The protagonist's internal goal is to save the hostages and stop the terrorists, reflecting their deeper desire to protect innocent lives and uphold justice.

      External Goal: 9

      The protagonist's external goal is to prevent the explosion and defeat the terrorists, reflecting the immediate circumstances and challenges they're facing.


      Scene Elements

      Conflict Level: 9

      The conflict in the scene is intense and multi-layered, with physical, emotional, and strategic battles taking place. The explosive showdown raises the conflict to a new level, creating a sense of urgency and danger.

      Opposition: 9

      The strong opposition in the scene, represented by the terrorists and the imminent threat of the explosion, creates a sense of danger and uncertainty that drives the conflict forward.

      High Stakes: 10

      The stakes are incredibly high in this scene, with lives on the line and the fate of the hostages hanging in the balance. The explosive showdown raises the stakes to a new level, adding a sense of urgency and danger.

      Story Forward: 9

      The scene significantly moves the story forward by resolving the immediate threat of the terrorists and setting the stage for the final showdown. The explosive showdown changes the dynamics of the hostage situation and propels the narrative towards its climax.

      Unpredictability: 8

      This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists and turns in the action, keeping the audience guessing about the outcome.

      Philosophical Conflict: 7

      The philosophical conflict is between the protagonist's belief in justice and the terrorists' disregard for human life, challenging the protagonist's values and worldview.


      Audience Engagement

      Emotional Impact: 8

      The scene evokes fear, tension, and shock in the audience, as the explosive climax changes the course of the hostage situation. The emotional impact is heightened by the high stakes and the characters' actions.

      Dialogue: 7

      The dialogue is tense and impactful, conveying the high stakes and escalating conflict between the characters. It effectively builds tension and adds depth to the character interactions.

      Engagement: 9

      This scene is engaging because of its high stakes, intense action, and suspenseful pacing that keeps the audience on the edge of their seats.

      Pacing: 9

      The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension, delivering explosive action, and maintaining a sense of urgency throughout.


      Technical Aspect

      Formatting: 8

      The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings, action lines, and dialogue that enhance the visual storytelling.

      Structure: 8

      The scene follows the expected structure for its genre of action thriller, with a buildup of tension, a climax of explosive action, and a resolution that leaves room for further conflict.


      Critique
      • The scene effectively conveys the chaos and destruction caused by the explosion, but it could benefit from more character development and emotional depth.
      • The scene could be improved by showing more of the characters' reactions to the explosion, particularly McClane's.
      • The dialogue in this scene is minimal, and it could be used to further develop the characters and their relationships.
      • The scene could also benefit from more context about the state of the hostages and the terrorists, as it seems they are relatively unscathed by the explosion.
      Suggestions
      • Consider adding more dialogue between the characters to deepen their relationships and further the plot.
      • Show more of McClane's reactions to the explosion and his thoughts about the situation. This could help the audience connect with him on a deeper level.
      • Provide more context about the state of the hostages and the terrorists. Are they injured? Scared? Confused? This could add more tension and drama to the scene.
      • Consider adding more visual elements to the scene to further convey the chaos and destruction caused by the explosion.



      Scene 26 -  Hostage Situation Radio Confrontation
      271 INT. 38TH FLOOR - MCCLANE - SAME 271
      He sits up and lifts the CB.
      MCCLANE
      Hey, AI, you guys okay out there?
      INTERCUT:
      272 EXT. POWELL 272
      on the street.
      POWELL
      (on CB)
      Holy shit, man, what was that?
      MCCLANE
      One of their packets. Is the
      building on fire?
      POWELL
      No, but they're going to have
      to tear this sucker down and
      build a new one. We got a report
      from one of our spotters that you
      got three with that blast.
      MCCLANE
      Three? Are you sure?
      Before Powell can answer Robinson comes running up to him.
      ROBINSON
      Is that him?
      POWELL
      Yessir.
      ROBINSON
      (reaching for Powell's
      CB)
      /^vW^N.
      Give me that thing.
      (CONTINUED)



      A98
      75
      272 CONTINUED: 272
      (** ROBINSON (Cont.)
      (angrily to McClane)
      Now, listen to me, mister, I don't
      know what your game is but you just
      destroyed a building and put
      hundreds of people's lives in
      jeopardy. Now maybe you were
      trying to help but we don't need
      any more of that kind of cooperation.
      I want you to put down your weapons
      and retreat to a safe place. Do
      you understand, me?
      McCLANE
      Who is this?
      ROBINSON
      J This is Deputy Chief of Police
      t Dwayne T. Robinson. You are
      interfering with police business.
      McClane leans tiredly against the elevator door.
      MCCLANE
      Put AI back on, Dwayne.
      /SfSN^

      ROBINSON
      No. I'm giving the orders here!
      MCCLANE
      Put the other guy on!
      ROBINSON
      Listen fuckhead — !
      MCCLANE
      (exploding)
      No! You listen to me. You've got
      at least six psychos holding thirty-
      five people at gunpoint and they
      just waxed your ass down there.
      They've got enough explosives to
      flatten this end of the city and
      the balls to do it but what they
      don't have is the means to detonate
      it because of me. They're down to
      half strength because of me. Are
      they talking to you? Do you think
      you can stop them down there?
      C'mon, tell me, Dwayne!...Hell no!
      .f* You're the fuckhead. You're.the
      asshole! Now, put AI on, goddamnit!
      McClane is so furious, he's out of breath.
      A98
      76
      Genres: ["Action","Thriller"]

      Summary John McClane, inside Nakatomi Plaza, communicates with Sergeant Al Powell outside the building via CB radio, reporting an explosion caused by the villains. Deputy Chief of Police Dwayne T. Robinson takes over the radio, confronting McClane about his actions. McClane defends himself, leading to a tense and confrontational exchange. The scene underscores the high stakes and urgency of the hostage situation, with McClane refusing to surrender and demanding Robinson to put Al back on the radio.
      Strengths
      • Intense dialogue
      • High stakes
      • Character conflict
      Weaknesses
      • Some cliched elements in the dialogue

      Ratings
      Overall

      Overall: 9

      The scene is highly engaging, filled with tension, conflict, and high stakes. The dialogue is sharp and intense, driving the narrative forward.


      Story Content

      Concept: 8

      The concept of a lone hero facing off against both terrorists and law enforcement in a high-stakes situation is well-executed and keeps the audience on the edge of their seats.

      Plot: 9

      The plot is gripping, with the explosive situation escalating and the conflict between McClane and the authorities adding layers of tension.

      Originality: 9

      The scene is original in its portrayal of a lone protagonist challenging authority figures to save lives. The dialogue feels authentic and the actions are fresh and unexpected.


      Character Development

      Characters: 9

      The characters are well-defined, with McClane's defiance and determination shining through, and Deputy Chief Robinson's authoritative but misguided approach creating compelling conflict.

      Character Changes: 8

      McClane's character undergoes a transformation as he stands up to authority and takes control of the situation, showcasing his growth and resilience.

      Internal Goal: 9

      The protagonist's internal goal is to save lives and stop the terrorists from causing further harm. This reflects his deeper desire to protect others and make a difference in a dangerous situation.

      External Goal: 8

      The protagonist's external goal is to communicate with the authorities and convince them to listen to his plan to stop the terrorists. This reflects the immediate challenge of gaining trust and cooperation from law enforcement.


      Scene Elements

      Conflict Level: 9

      The conflict between McClane and Deputy Chief Robinson, as well as the larger conflict with the terrorists, is intense and drives the scene forward.

      Opposition: 9

      The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist facing off against authority figures who challenge his methods. The audience is left unsure of how the conflict will be resolved.

      High Stakes: 9

      The stakes are incredibly high, with explosives, hostages, and the threat of city-wide destruction, adding urgency and tension to the scene.

      Story Forward: 9

      The scene propels the story forward by escalating the conflict, raising the stakes, and setting up the final showdown at Nakatomi Plaza.

      Unpredictability: 8

      This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected actions and dialogue from the protagonist. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of how the situation will unfold.

      Philosophical Conflict: 9

      The philosophical conflict in this scene is between following established protocols and taking unconventional action to achieve a greater good. The protagonist challenges the authority figures and their methods in order to save lives.


      Audience Engagement

      Emotional Impact: 8

      The scene evokes strong emotions, especially through McClane's defiance and determination in the face of overwhelming odds.

      Dialogue: 9

      The dialogue is sharp, intense, and drives the scene forward, showcasing the clash of personalities and goals between McClane and Deputy Chief Robinson.

      Engagement: 9

      This scene is engaging because of the high stakes, intense dialogue, and conflict between characters. The tension keeps the audience invested in the outcome.

      Pacing: 9

      The pacing of the scene is fast-paced and intense, with quick dialogue exchanges and action descriptions that keep the momentum going. The rhythm of the scene contributes to its effectiveness in building tension.


      Technical Aspect

      Formatting: 8

      The formatting of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings and character actions.

      Structure: 8

      The structure of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear dialogue and action descriptions that drive the narrative forward.


      Critique
      • The scene is well-written with clear conflicts and character motivations. The tension between McClane and Robinson is palpable, and the stakes are high.
      • The dialogue is snappy and realistic, with McClane's frustration and anger coming through clearly. Robinson's anger and frustration are also well-conveyed.
      • The pacing of the scene is excellent, with the tension building as McClane and Robinson argue. The scene ends with a cliffhanger, leaving the reader wanting to know what happens next.
      Suggestions
      • Consider adding more sensory details to the scene to make it more immersive. For example, you could describe the sounds of the city outside or the feel of the CB radio in McClane's hand.
      • Consider adding more internal monologue from McClane to give the reader a better sense of his thoughts and feelings. This could help to deepen the reader's connection to the character.
      • Consider adding more description of Robinson's appearance and demeanor to help the reader visualize him more clearly. This could help to make the conflict between McClane and Robinson feel more tangible.



      Scene 27 -  McClane's Frustration and Ellis' Negotiation Attempt
      273 INT. LIMO - WILLIAM - SAME 273
      William nods in agreement.
      WILLIAM
      Tell 'em, John! Tell 'em!
      274 INT. 38TH FLOOR - ON MCCLANE 274
      still seething. There is a long pause on the CB, then:
      POWELL'S VOICE
      (o.s.)
      Here you go. How're you feeling?
      MCCLANE
      (furious)
      How the hell you think I'm feeling.
      Who is that asshole?!
      / 275 ON POWELL 275
      Other officers, including Robinson, monitor the conversation.
      POWELL
      (sharply)
      Hey, don't draw me into that kind
      of talk. You hear me? Now I know
      you're wounded and tired and mad
      as hell, but the last thing you
      want to do is waste your energy
      with some fat-assed, jerk-off,
      dumb-as-shit deputy police chief.
      You understand?
      276 ON MCCLANE 276
      He grins, and a little laugh escapes.
      POWELL'S VOICE
      (o.s.)
      I say something funny?
      MCCLANE
      No, just nice to hear some common
      sense.
      277 ON POWELL 277
      POWELL
      Hang in there, man. Hang in there.
      (** • MCCLANE'S VOICE
      (o.s., tiredly)
      Thanks, partner.
      (CONTINUED)
      A98
      77

      277 CONTINUED: 277
      Powell hears McClane's line go dead. He puts down his phone
      and sees Robinson staring at him.
      ROBINSON
      'Jerk-off, dumb-shit deputy chief
      of police?'
      POWELL
      Sorry sir, I was just trying to
      relieve some of the tension.
      Robinson turns and leaves; Powell watches him and smiles to
      himself.
      278 INT. HOSTAGE FLOOR - HANS OFFICE - SAME 278
      Hans, Franco, and Karl plotting strategy.
      HANS
      (to Karl)
      Heinz is now on the fifth floor
      covering the street. That leaves
      Fritz on this floor with the hostages,
      Uli on the roof, and you and Franco
      to find him...Do it.
      /0&\

      279 ANGLE ON ELLIS AND HOLLY 279
      outside of Hans' office. Ellis watches Franco and Karl
      leave then looks back at Hans' office. Suddenly, he stands
      and Holly looks at him like he was crazy.
      HOLLY
      What are you doing?
      Fritz moves quickly across the room towards Ellis.
      ELLIS
      (to Holly)
      I'm tired of sitting here getting
      cramps on my legs waiting for the
      cops or your husband to get us
      all killed...
      HOLLY
      What are you going to do?
      ELLIS
      Hey, I just negotiated a $150,000,000
      deal, babe...I think I can handle this.
      f* (to- Fritz)
      I want to talk to Hans.


      A98
      78

      280 MCCLANE 280
      sitting tiredly against the wall. Sweat runs down his face
      and arms leaving streaks through the dirt. McClane watches
      a drop fall to the floor.
      MCCLANE
      (to himself)
      You assholes had to cut the air
      conditioning off, didn't you?
      He digs out his now crumpled and grease-stained photo of his
      family. He wipes a smudge from the face of Holly and smiles
      tiredly. Suddenly his CB crackles to life.
      POWELL'S VOICE
      (to McClane)
      Hey, partner? How's it going?
      MCCLANE
      I'm hanging, man. I'm hanging
      ...You got any kids, AI?
      INTERCUT:
      281 POWELL ON STREET 281
      POWELL
      J0F?\ Expecting my first any week, now.
      MCCLANE
      Congratulations.
      POWELL
      Thanks. You?
      MCCLANE
      Two. And I sure want to see 'em
      again.
      282 CLOSE - A HAND WRITING A NOTE 282
      It says: CHILDREN? We PULL BACK TO REVEAL Dick Thornburg.
      He passes the note silently over to his assistant, MARY,
      as they monitor the call.
      283 MCCLANE 283
      stares at his photo, when suddenly another VOICE besides
      Powell's comes over his radio.
      HANS' VOICE
      (o.s. on CB)
      Touching, Mr. McClane. Touching.
      ( The sound of his name startles him and for a moment McClane
      stares at the radio.
      (CONTINUED)

      A98
      79
      283 CONTINUED: 283
      HANS' VOICE
      (o.s.)
      John McClane are you listening?
      McCLANE
      (beat)
      Yes.
      HANS' VOICE
      (o.s.)
      We have your colleague here...a
      Mr. Ellis.
      Genres: ["Action","Thriller"]

      Summary In this scene, McClane continues to argue with Powell about the deputy police chief while Holly and Ellis are in Hans' office. Ellis, feeling confident, decides to negotiate with Hans, putting himself in danger. Meanwhile, McClane, exhausted, talks to Powell about their families and receives a message from Hans, who reveals they have McClane's colleague, Ellis. The scene ends with Hans' revelation, potentially changing the situation.
      Strengths
      • Intense atmosphere
      • Engaging dialogue
      • Strong character dynamics
      • High stakes
      Weaknesses
      • Some cliched dialogue

      Ratings
      Overall

      Overall: 9

      The scene is highly engaging, filled with tension, and progresses the plot significantly.


      Story Content

      Concept: 8

      The concept of a lone officer communicating with his partner and facing off against terrorists in a high-stakes situation is well-executed.

      Plot: 9

      The plot is fast-paced, filled with action, and keeps the audience on the edge of their seats.

      Originality: 8

      The scene introduces a familiar hostage situation but adds original elements through the protagonist's internal struggles and the dynamic between law enforcement and criminals. The dialogue feels authentic and adds depth to the characters.


      Character Development

      Characters: 9

      The characters are well-developed, with clear motivations and conflicts driving their actions.

      Character Changes: 7

      McClane shows vulnerability and determination, while Powell demonstrates leadership and support.

      Internal Goal: 8

      The protagonist's internal goal is to survive and protect the hostages, reflecting his deeper need for redemption and to prove himself as a capable hero.

      External Goal: 7

      The protagonist's external goal is to outsmart the criminals and save the hostages, reflecting the immediate challenge he is facing in the hostage situation.


      Scene Elements

      Conflict Level: 9

      The conflict between McClane and the terrorists, as well as the internal conflict within the characters, adds depth to the scene.

      Opposition: 8

      The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting goals and motivations between the protagonist and the criminals.

      High Stakes: 10

      The stakes are incredibly high, with lives on the line and the threat of violence looming.

      Story Forward: 9

      The scene moves the story forward significantly, revealing new information and escalating the tension.

      Unpredictability: 8

      This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists in the dialogue and character interactions.

      Philosophical Conflict: 7

      The philosophical conflict is between McClane's sense of duty and the criminals' disregard for human life. This challenges McClane's beliefs in justice and morality.


      Audience Engagement

      Emotional Impact: 8

      The emotional impact of the scene is high, especially in the interactions between McClane and Powell.

      Dialogue: 8

      The dialogue is sharp, tense, and reveals the characters' emotions and intentions effectively.

      Engagement: 9

      This scene is engaging because of the high stakes, intense dialogue, and the protagonist's internal struggles.

      Pacing: 9

      The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension and maintaining the audience's interest.


      Technical Aspect

      Formatting: 9

      The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and dialogue formatting.

      Structure: 9

      The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with clear character motivations and escalating tension.


      Critique
      • The scene transitions are not smooth and clear. It's important to provide clear indications of scene changes and character positions.
      • The dialogue in this scene is lengthy and could be condensed to improve pacing and readability. Consider removing unnecessary words or phrases.
      • The scene seems to lack a clear purpose or driving force. It's essential to ensure each scene moves the story forward and has a specific goal.
      Suggestions
      • Clearly indicate scene changes and character positions to help the reader follow the action.
      • Condense dialogue to improve pacing and readability. Remove unnecessary words or phrases to make the scene more engaging.
      • Ensure each scene has a clear purpose and driving force. This scene should move the story forward and contribute to the overall narrative.



      Scene 28 -  Ellis' Fate Hangs in the Balance: A Standoff between McClane and Hans
      284 INT. 32ND (HOSTAGE) FLOOR - ON ELLIS AND HANS - SAME 284
      Ellis is being pampered by Fritz and Franco in Hans' office.
      He has a cigarette, and a terrorist brings him a Diet Coke.
      Hans hands the radio to Ellis. Karl watches quietly.
      J HANS
      / (to Ellis)
      Just act nervous.
      Ellis nods and presses the TALK button.
      ELLIS
      (to McClane, on CB)
      John?
      MCCLANE'S VOICE
      (o.s., quietly)
      How are you, Ellis?
      ELLIS
      All right...John, listen to me...
      They want you to tell them where the
      detonators are. They know people are
      listening. They want the'detonators
      or they're going to kill me.
      Ellis looks over at Hans who gives him a "thumbs-up", he's
      doing a great job.
      285 INT. POLICE TRAILER - ON POWELL, ROBINSON - SAME 285
      and others listening intently.
      286 ON MCCLANE 286
      He closes his eyes and leans his head back again.
      ELLIS' VOICE
      John, are you listening?
      /T^V MCCLANE
      (to CB, quietly)
      Yeah, I hear you.


      A98
      80

      287 ON ELLIS (HANS' OFFICE) 287
      ELLIS
      Listen, I've been pulling for
      you, man...But the police are
      here now. It's their problem...
      Tell these guys where the detonators
      are so no one else gets hurt.
      MCCLANE'S VOICE
      (o.s.)
      I can't tell them, Ellis. I'd
      have to show them. Then what?
      You know what they'll do to me?
      ELLIS
      (becoming bullying)
      Listen, John. If not for me, it
      would be over for you already...
      J I can end it all for you in two
      / seconds, if I want.
      Hans reaches out his hand for the CB. Ellis gives it to him.
      HANS
      (to CB)
      Mr. McClane, what Mr. Ellis is
      ^ obviously not making clear to
      1 s
      you is that if you do not yield
      our equipment at once, we will
      kill him.
      He hands the radio back to Ellis, who takes a sip of his soft
      drink, obviously untroubled by Hans' threat.
      ELLIS
      (quieter, more
      confidentially)
      By the way, did you ever get to
      see the watch? I think you understand
      what I'm talking about...I hope so.
      While Ellis talks, Hans quietly takes out his Walther keeping
      it out of Ellis' line of sight.
      ELLIS
      They're not kidding, John...
      Say something...
      288 CLOSE - MCCLANE • 288
      He can hardly bring himself to say it. He knows they're not
      z*5^- kidding, even if Ellis doesn't.
      (CONTINUED)


      A98
      81
      288 CONTINUED: 288
      s$&\ MCCLANE
      (to himself)
      Forgive me, Ellis.
      (presses the talk
      button; to Ellis?
      a beat)
      I don't believe them.
      Genres: ["Action","Thriller"]

      Summary Ellis, held hostage on the 32nd floor, is pampered by the terrorists and given a radio to communicate with McClane. Hans demands the location of the detonators, but McClane refuses. Tensions rise as Hans threatens to kill Ellis, and Ellis tries to persuade McClane to give in. The scene ends with Hans preparing to shoot Ellis, leaving the outcome uncertain.
      Strengths
      • Tense dialogue
      • High stakes
      • Character development
      Weaknesses
      • Some cliched lines
      • Predictable power dynamics

      Ratings
      Overall

      Overall: 8

      The scene is intense, well-paced, and crucial for the plot development. It keeps the audience engaged with its high-stakes negotiation and emotional conflict.


      Story Content

      Concept: 8

      The concept of negotiation under pressure is well-executed, adding depth to the characters and advancing the plot significantly.

      Plot: 9

      The plot is driven forward by the negotiation, revealing character motivations and escalating the tension effectively.

      Originality: 9

      The scene is original in its portrayal of a hostage negotiation with complex character motivations and power dynamics. The dialogue feels authentic and the actions are unpredictable.


      Character Development

      Characters: 8

      The characters are well-developed, with clear motivations and conflicting emotions that drive the scene forward.

      Character Changes: 7

      McClane shows a moment of vulnerability and conflict in the negotiation, adding depth to his character.

      Internal Goal: 8

      The protagonist's internal goal is to survive and protect himself. Ellis is trying to manipulate the situation to save himself, even if it means betraying John McClane.

      External Goal: 7

      The protagonist's external goal is to negotiate with John McClane to get the detonators from him. This reflects the immediate challenge of the terrorists needing the detonators to carry out their plan.


      Scene Elements

      Conflict Level: 9

      The conflict between McClane and the terrorists, as well as the internal conflict within the characters, creates a high level of tension and suspense.

      Opposition: 8

      The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting goals and threats creating uncertainty for the characters and the audience.

      High Stakes: 9

      The negotiation has high stakes, with the threat of violence and the potential for drastic consequences.

      Story Forward: 9

      The scene significantly moves the story forward by escalating the conflict and revealing crucial information.

      Unpredictability: 8

      This scene is unpredictable because of the shifting power dynamics and unexpected character choices.

      Philosophical Conflict: 7

      The philosophical conflict is between self-preservation and loyalty. Ellis is torn between saving himself and staying loyal to John McClane, which challenges his beliefs and values.


      Audience Engagement

      Emotional Impact: 8

      The scene evokes anxiety, fear, and conflicting emotions, engaging the audience emotionally.

      Dialogue: 9

      The dialogue is tense, impactful, and reveals the characters' inner conflicts and power dynamics effectively.

      Engagement: 9

      This scene is engaging because of the high stakes, suspenseful dialogue, and moral dilemmas faced by the characters.

      Pacing: 8

      The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building suspense and maintaining tension.


      Technical Aspect

      Formatting: 8

      The formatting follows the expected format for a dialogue-heavy scene in a screenplay.

      Structure: 8

      The scene follows the expected structure for a tense negotiation scene in an action thriller genre.


      Critique
      • This scene is well-written and suspenseful, but there are a few areas that could be improved.
      • First, the dialogue between McClane and Ellis could be more dynamic. Right now, it's mostly just Ellis trying to convince McClane to give up the detonators, and McClane resisting. This could be more interesting if there was more back-and-forth between the two characters, and if McClane was more actively trying to find a way out of the situation.
      • Second, the scene could be more visually interesting. Right now, it's mostly just two people talking in an office. This could be more visually interesting if there was more movement and action, such as McClane trying to escape or Ellis being threatened by the terrorists.
      • Finally, the scene could be more emotionally impactful. Right now, it's mostly just a tense standoff between two characters. This could be more emotionally impactful if there was more of a sense of urgency and danger, and if the audience was more invested in the characters' fates.
      Suggestions
      • Add more back-and-forth dialogue between McClane and Ellis.
      • Make the scene more visually interesting by adding more movement and action.
      • Increase the sense of urgency and danger by making the audience more invested in the characters' fates.



      Scene 29 -  Hans Threatens More Hostages; McClane Negotiates and Mourns Ellis' Death
      289 INT. HANS' OFFICE - SAME 289
      Ellis looks at Hans and shrugs, "Well, I tried..." Hans nods
      understandingly. He takes the CB, presses the TALK button,
      and in one frighteningly smooth motion brings the Walther up
      to Ellis' forehead and pulls the trigger. ON SOUND OF THE GUNSHO
      we:
      CUT TO:
      290 INT. 38TH FLOOR - MCCLANE - SAME 290
      He was expecting it and still it chills him. The screams of
      the hostages seem distant over the tiny radio speaker as we:
      CUT TO:
      291 32ND FLOOR - ON THE HOSTAGES 291
      going crazy. They see Ellis' blood splattered on the glass
      walls of the Hans' office.
      292 INT. HANS' OFFICE - ON HANS 292
      He throws open the door to let McClane and the police hear
      the screams of the hostages.
      HANS
      Hear that? Talk to me, now,
      Mr. McClane or shall I shoot
      another one?

      INTERCUT:
      293 MCCLANE 293
      MCCLANE
      I need twenty minutes, maybe a
      half an hour to get there.
      HANS
      Five.
      /&R\
      (CONTINUED)




      A98
      82

      293 CONTINUED: 293
      f\ MCCLANE
      1
      (hard)
      Look asshole you can shoot the
      whole goddamn floor — it can't
      make m e move any faster. I'm
      not in the b e s t shape anymore
      and it's a long w a y o f f .
      HANS
      (beat)
      Twenty m i n u t e s . But don't try
      anything or we will shoot someone
      else...perhaps, this time a w o m a n .
      294 MCCLANE 294
      He angrily throws his CB across the floor. He struggles to
      pull himself to his feet when he h e a r s :
      ROBINSON'S VOICE
      (o.s.; furious; on
      the CB)
      M c C l a n e ? ! Is that your n a m e ? !
      I know they can hear me b u t I
      don't give a d a m n , you son of a
      /^PPS, bitch. Everything that went
      down between y o u and that punk
      is on tape down h e r e . You let
      that man d i e . N o w , I don't
      care w h a t your story is or w h o
      your friends a r e , if there's
      a way to jam your ass in jail
      I'm going to do it. You hear me?
      McClane reaches the radio and turns it off.
      Genres: ["Action","Thriller"]

      Summary In Hans' office on the 32nd floor, Hans kills hostage Ellis and threatens to kill more if McClane doesn't comply with demands. McClane negotiates for 20 minutes via CB radio, while a furious Robinson confronts McClane over Ellis' death. The scene is tense and suspenseful, with visuals of Ellis' blood on the glass walls. The scene ends with McClane angrily turning off the radio, struggling to his feet.
      Strengths
      • Intense dialogue
      • High stakes
      • Emotional impact
      • Character dynamics
      Weaknesses
      • Some cliched elements in the dialogue

      Ratings
      Overall

      Overall: 9

      The scene is highly engaging, filled with tension, conflict, and emotional impact. The stakes are high, and the dialogue is sharp and impactful.


      Story Content

      Concept: 8

      The concept of a standoff between the protagonist and antagonist in a hostage situation is well-executed, adding depth to the conflict and character dynamics.

      Plot: 9

      The plot advances significantly in this scene, with the tension escalating and the stakes becoming even higher. The confrontation between McClane and Hans drives the narrative forward.

      Originality: 9

      The scene introduces a fresh approach to the classic hostage negotiation scenario, with complex character dynamics and moral dilemmas. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


      Character Development

      Characters: 9

      The characters, especially McClane and Hans, are well-developed and their personalities shine through in their dialogue and actions.

      Character Changes: 8

      Both McClane and Hans undergo changes in their dynamic and motivations during the standoff, adding depth to their characters.

      Internal Goal: 8

      McClane's internal goal in this scene is to save the hostages and stop Hans from causing further harm. This reflects his deeper desire to protect others and uphold justice, as seen throughout the 'Die Hard' series.

      External Goal: 7

      McClane's external goal in this scene is to negotiate with Hans and buy time to reach the building. This reflects the immediate challenge he faces in trying to outsmart the antagonist and save the hostages.


      Scene Elements

      Conflict Level: 9

      The conflict in this scene is intense and multi-layered, with high stakes and emotional impact driving the tension between the characters.

      Opposition: 8

      The opposition in the scene is strong, with Hans posing a significant threat to McClane and the hostages. The audience is kept in suspense as they wonder how the protagonist will overcome the challenges he faces.

      High Stakes: 9

      The stakes are extremely high in this scene, with the threat of violence and death looming over the characters, driving the tension and conflict.

      Story Forward: 9

      The scene significantly moves the story forward, escalating the tension and conflict while revealing new information about the characters and their motivations.

      Unpredictability: 8

      This scene is unpredictable because of the shifting power dynamics between the characters and the unexpected twists in the negotiation. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of how the situation will unfold.

      Philosophical Conflict: 7

      The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the value of human life and the use of violence to achieve goals. Hans' willingness to harm others contrasts with McClane's commitment to protecting innocent lives, challenging their beliefs and values.


      Audience Engagement

      Emotional Impact: 8

      The scene evokes fear, tension, and defiance, creating a strong emotional impact on the audience.

      Dialogue: 9

      The dialogue is sharp, intense, and drives the conflict forward. It reveals the characters' motivations and adds depth to the scene.

      Engagement: 9

      This scene is engaging because of its high stakes, intense dialogue, and suspenseful atmosphere. The audience is drawn into the conflict and invested in the outcome.

      Pacing: 9

      The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a balance of tension-building moments, character interactions, and plot progression. The rhythm of the scene contributes to its effectiveness in maintaining the audience's interest.


      Technical Aspect

      Formatting: 8

      The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with proper use of scene headings, action lines, and dialogue. The formatting enhances the readability and flow of the scene.

      Structure: 8

      The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with clear transitions between different locations and characters. The pacing and rhythm of the scene contribute to its effectiveness.


      Critique
      • The scene is well-written with clear conflicts and character motivations. However, the transitions between different locations could be smoother, and the pacing could be improved to build more tension.
      • The dialogue is strong, but there are moments where it feels repetitive, such as McClane's repeated refusal to reveal the location of the detonators. This could be addressed by finding alternative ways to convey McClane's determination and resolve.
      • The scene ends abruptly with Hans killing Ellis, which may leave some readers feeling unsatisfied. Consider adding a few more lines to give the moment more weight and impact.
      Suggestions
      • To improve the transitions between different locations, consider using more descriptive language to establish the setting and create a stronger sense of place. This will help readers follow the action more easily and immerse themselves in the story.
      • To build tension and create a greater sense of urgency, consider adding a ticking clock or other time-sensitive element to the scene. This will increase the stakes and make the conflict feel more immediate and intense.
      • To avoid repetition in the dialogue, consider having McClane find new ways to express his determination and refusal to comply with the terrorists' demands. This will keep the dialogue fresh and engaging while still conveying McClane's character and motivations.
      • To give Ellis' death more impact, consider adding a few more lines of dialogue or action to emphasize the gravity of the moment. This will help readers feel the weight of the situation and create a more memorable and emotional scene.



      Scene 30 -  Confrontation and Negotiation: A Tense Standoff
      295 INT. POLICE TRAILER - SAME 295
      Robinson hears the static over his radio and throws down the
      headset. He stomps past P o w e l l .
      POWELL
      (flatly)
      He's trying to survive.
      Robinson wheels on him angrily.
      ROBINSON
      He as good as killed that m a n .
      I told h i m , I'll tell you — I'm
      ^*SN going to dump his ass in jail.
      Robinson keeps going.
      (CONTINUED)

      A98
      83
      295 CONTINUED: 295
      ' POWELL
      YOu think he gives a shit?
      Robinson stops at the door. The room falls silent..
      POWELL
      He's got no reinforcements and
      twelve men with automatic weapons
      after him. He's exhausted and
      wounded and he's gotten no help
      whatsoever from this department
      and you really think he cares
      what you're going to do to him if
      he makes it out of there alive?
      Robinson steps back into the trailer.
      i ROBINSON
      / Anytime you want to go home,
      Sergeant...consider yourself
      dismissed.
      They lock eyes.
      POWELL
      No Sir. You couldn't drag me
      away.
      296 EXT. WILSHIRE (KCBS MOBILE UNIT) ON DICK THORNBURG 296
      - NIGHT
      and his assistant Mary.
      THORNBURG
      (to Mary)
      John McClane. I want to know
      everything there is to know
      about this guy. Check the
      airlines, flights coming from
      the East coast. Tell them you're
      his mother. Tell them you're dying,
      just find out.
      She nods and leaves. He looks toward the building and smiles.
      He is clearly in local news Nirvana.
      THORNBURG
      (to himself)
      Goddamn, this is great stuff...
      297 INT. POLICE TRAILER - SAME 297
      Across the trailer the OPERATOR monitoring the CB signals for
      RobinsOrt.
      (CONTINUED)
      A98
      84

      297 CONTINUED: 297
      OPERATOR
      Chief, the terrorists are
      calling for you.
      Robinson grabs a headset.
      ROBINSON
      This is Robinson. Hans? You
      want to talk?
      INTERCUT:
      298 INT. NAKATOMI/HANS' OFFICE - SAME 298
      Hans sits in his office.
      HANS
      1
      I I'm afraid that talking is out
      i / of the question as long as you
      have one of your operatives
      in the building.
      ROBINSON
      Let me make this perfectly clear,
      McClane is not attached to the
      ^ Los Angeles Police Department in
      (, any way, shape or form. I give you
      my word. Look, let's try to
      settle this thing.
      HANS
      Perhaps we should both give up
      something to get something.
      ROBINSON
      That's right, an act of good faith.
      HANS
      We are prepared to release three of
      the hostages in exchange for the
      return of the equipment, Mr. McClane
      has taken.
      ROBINSON
      He's going after it now.
      HANS
      .1 don't believe him.
      ROBINSON
      /W\ Look, don't tie negotiations to a
      variable I have no control over!
      (CONTINUED)

      A98
      85
      298 CONTINUED: 298
      HANS
      You have control over it.
      Exercise it.
      Hans turns off the radio.
      299 ON ROBINSON 299
      He is left alone on the line with this thought.
      300 ON MCCLANE 300
      He opens the stairwell door on the 39th floor and moves
      carefully down a row of glass-walled offices. Suddenly his
      CB crackles.
      POWELL'S VOICE
      (o.s.)
      John?
      McClane ducks into an:
      301 OFFICE 301
      and lifts the CB.
      ( MCCLANE
      What's up, AI?
      POWELL'S VOICE
      (o.s.)
      Just calling to see how you're
      doing.
      MCCLANE
      Don't babysit me, AI. I'm having
      a hard enough time as it is.
      302 ON ROBINSON AND OPERATOR 302
      The OPERATOR listens via headset to the other channels with a
      German INTERPRETER.
      OPERATOR
      We're picking up a lot of traffic
      in German on channel twenty-six.
      INTERPRETER
      (listens, then to
      Robinson)
      They're going to try to use his
      signal to find him.
      (CONTINUED)

      A98
      86

      302 CONTINUED: 302
      ROBINSON
      We'11 let him know on nine.
      (to an Officer)
      Where's Powell?
      OFFICER
      He's outside, Sir. Need me to
      get him?
      ROBINSON
      (beat)
      No...I'll get him.
      Genres: ["Action","Thriller","Crime"]

      Summary Robinson, the police chief, angrily confronts Powell about McClane's actions, threatening to jail him. Powell defends McClane, who continues his mission inside the Nakatomi building. The police intercept a message from the terrorists calling for Robinson and attempt to negotiate for the release of hostages. The scene takes place in a police trailer outside the building, at night, and highlights the conflicts between Robinson and Powell and between the police and the terrorists.
      Strengths
      • Tension-building
      • Conflict development
      • Character dynamics
      Weaknesses
      • Limited character development
      • Some dialogue may feel cliched

      Ratings
      Overall

      Overall: 8

      The scene effectively builds tension through the negotiations and showcases the high stakes involved. The conflict between the police and the terrorists is well-established, keeping the audience engaged.


      Story Content

      Concept: 8

      The concept of negotiating with terrorists under pressure is executed well, adding depth to the plot and character dynamics.

      Plot: 8

      The plot advances significantly through the negotiations and the escalating conflict between the police and the terrorists.

      Originality: 9

      The scene introduces a fresh take on the hostage negotiation genre by focusing on the internal and external conflicts of the protagonist. The dialogue feels authentic and the characters' actions are driven by their motivations.


      Character Development

      Characters: 7

      The characters, especially John McClane and Deputy Chief Robinson, show their determination and conflicting motivations, adding layers to the scene.

      Character Changes: 6

      While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the interactions and decisions made by the characters reveal more about their personalities and motivations.

      Internal Goal: 8

      The protagonist's internal goal is to assert his authority and control over the situation, reflecting his need for power and justice. He is driven by a desire to bring the perpetrator to justice and protect the hostages.

      External Goal: 7

      The protagonist's external goal is to negotiate with the terrorists and ensure the safety of the hostages. This goal reflects the immediate challenge of diffusing a dangerous situation and saving lives.


      Scene Elements

      Conflict Level: 9

      The conflict between the police and the terrorists, as well as internal conflicts within the characters, creates a high level of tension and suspense.

      Opposition: 8

      The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting goals and power dynamics between the characters. The audience is left uncertain about the outcome, adding to the tension.

      High Stakes: 9

      The high stakes of the negotiations, with lives on the line and tensions running high, add urgency and suspense to the scene.

      Story Forward: 8

      The scene moves the story forward by escalating the conflict and setting up future events in the narrative.

      Unpredictability: 8

      This scene is unpredictable because of the shifting power dynamics and moral choices made by the characters. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of how the negotiation will unfold.

      Philosophical Conflict: 7

      The philosophical conflict in this scene is between the protagonist's sense of duty and justice versus the terrorists' demands for power and control. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs in law and order.


      Audience Engagement

      Emotional Impact: 7

      The scene evokes anxiety and tension in the audience, especially as the negotiations become more intense and the stakes rise.

      Dialogue: 8

      The dialogue is tense and confrontational, reflecting the high-stakes nature of the negotiations and the characters' emotions.

      Engagement: 9

      This scene is engaging because of the high stakes, moral dilemmas, and intense character interactions. The audience is drawn into the conflict and invested in the outcome.

      Pacing: 9

      The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a balance of tension-building moments and character interactions. The rhythm of the dialogue and action sequences enhances the effectiveness of the scene.


      Technical Aspect

      Formatting: 8

      The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with clear scene headings and dialogue formatting. The visual descriptions enhance the atmosphere of the scene.

      Structure: 8

      The scene follows the expected structure for a tense negotiation scene, with clear character motivations and escalating stakes. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the effectiveness of the scene.


      Critique
      • The scene mainly consists of radio conversations, which can be challenging to visualize and may not be the most engaging for readers.
      • The dialogue is somewhat repetitive, with characters stating their positions and threats without much progression in the conversation.
      • The motivations of the characters are not clearly established. For instance, Robinson's anger towards McClane could be further explained or contextualized.
      • The pacing of the scene could be improved by varying the length and structure of the dialogue exchanges.
      • The connection between the current scene and the overall narrative is not immediately apparent. Providing some context or a clear goal for the characters would enhance the scene's relevance.
      Suggestions
      • Consider incorporating more visual elements or actions into the scene to break up the radio conversations and make it more dynamic.
      • Explore ways to add depth and nuance to the characters' dialogue, revealing their inner thoughts or motivations more explicitly.
      • Provide clearer context or establish the stakes of the negotiation between Robinson and Hans to heighten the tension and make the scene more compelling.
      • Vary the length and structure of the dialogue exchanges to create a more engaging rhythm and avoid monotony.
      • Consider adding a brief description or narration to connect the scene to the broader narrative and provide a sense of purpose or direction for the characters.



      Scene 31 -  McClane Evades Franco's Attack
      303 EXT. POLICE TRAILER 303
      Robinson exits the police trailer to tell Powell, then stops
      on the bottom step. Powell is less than twenty feet away.
      For a moment Robinson stands there, then he shakes out a
      cigarette and walks in the other direction.
      304 INT. OFFICE 39TH FLOOR - SAME 304
      McClane in the office talking to Powell. As he talks he lifts
      his cut foot, examines the bandage. It's bloodsoaked.
      MCCLANE
      Well, I needed a break anyway.
      (grimaces at bandage)
      What got you off the street, AI?
      He puts his foot down, reaches into his kit bag, takes out his
      spare magazine and begins re-loading it.
      305 INT. STAIRWELL - SAME 305
      Franco moving down the stairwell. Suddenly he hears McClane's
      voice on his CB. He stops, directs the antenna.
      306 MCCLANE 306
      POWELL'S VOICE
      (o.s.)
      An accident...
      MCCLANE
      (grins)
      The way you drive, I can see why.
      POWELL'S VOICE
      (beat, serious)
      I shot a kid.
      McClane's smile disappears-
      (CONTINUED)

      A98
      87
      306 CONTINUED: 306

      MCCLANE
      Sorry, man. I didn't mean to
      make a joke of it.
      307 STAIRWELL - ON FRANCO 307
      He listens to McClane then turns to channel 26 and speaks in
      German.
      308 INT. LIMO - SAME 308
      William turns the dial and hears Franco's conversation in
      German. Concerned.
      WILLIAM
      I don't like this, man.
      | 309 MCCLANE 309
      /
      He stops re-loading, concerned and puts the spare magazine
      down on the edge of the table.
      MCCLANE
      Hey, AI, you know I haven't even
      met you, but you don't seem like
      /Ji^N
      the kind of guy not to get back on
      the horse.
      POWELL
      (defensively)
      Yeah, well, I did...
      310 STAIRWELL DOOR - 39TH FLOOR 310
      The stairwell door opens and a Franco steps into the corridor on
      39th floor. We can HEAR McClane's VOICE for the first time
      without the radio.
      311 MCCLANE 311
      MCCLANE
      What happened?
      POWELL'S VOICE
      (o.s.)
      The next time...I was too careful
      for my own good...and it cost me
      a partner.
      MCCLANE
      /$ff^V Listen, AI...
      (CONTINUED)


      A98
      88
      311 CONTINUED: 311
      /££^v POWELL'S VOICE
      (o.s.)
      Look, I don't need any advice —
      MCCLANE
      And I'm not giving any. The facts
      are man, you•re a good partner.
      You've kept me going and don't
      you forget that.
      SUDDENLY behind McClane we SEE Franco through the glass wall
      of the office. He's only three offices away. He lifts his
      radio and whispers in German.
      312 POLICE INTERPRETER 312
      INTERPRETER
      / He sees him.
      /
      313 ON WILLIAM 313
      He can't stand it any longer. He throws up the volume on his
      CB, presses his TALK Switch and yells.
      WILLIAM
      Look out, John!
      314 ON MCCLANE 314
      reacts to the William's warning and hits the floor just as a
      burst of Franco's machine gun fire rips through the glass
      partition and blows out the windows in front of him.
      Genres: ["Action","Thriller"]

      Summary Robinson refuses to talk to Powell and leaves. McClane, who is wounded, converses with Powell on the radio, revealing that he accidentally shot a kid. Franco, who is eavesdropping, communicates with someone in German, causing William to worry. Suddenly, Franco appears and starts shooting at McClane, but William warns him in time. The scene is tense and suspenseful, with significant visuals of Franco attacking McClane, and it ends with McClane avoiding Franco's shots.
      Strengths
      • Intense dialogue
      • High stakes
      • Unexpected twist with gunfire
      Weaknesses
      • Some cliched elements in character interactions

      Ratings
      Overall

      Overall: 8

      The scene is intense, filled with suspense and high stakes. The communication between characters is engaging, and the unexpected burst of gunfire adds a thrilling element.


      Story Content

      Concept: 8

      The concept of a lone officer facing off against terrorists in a high-stakes hostage situation is well-executed. The tension and suspense are effectively conveyed.

      Plot: 8

      The plot is engaging, with the tension escalating as McClane and the terrorists interact. The unexpected burst of gunfire adds a twist to the scene.

      Originality: 8

      The scene introduces a fresh take on the action genre by emphasizing character relationships and emotional depth amidst the danger and suspense. The dialogue feels authentic and adds complexity to the characters.


      Character Development

      Characters: 7

      The characters are well-developed, with McClane showing determination and quick thinking. Powell's emotional reveal adds depth to his character.

      Character Changes: 6

      McClane shows resilience and determination, while Powell reveals vulnerability and emotional depth. These character changes add complexity to the scene.

      Internal Goal: 8

      McClane's internal goal is to support and reassure Powell after learning about the shooting incident. This reflects McClane's empathy and desire to maintain a strong partnership.

      External Goal: 7

      McClane's external goal is to survive the attack from Franco and protect himself and others in the office.


      Scene Elements

      Conflict Level: 9

      The conflict between McClane and the terrorists, as well as the internal conflict faced by Powell, adds intensity to the scene.

      Opposition: 8

      The opposition in the scene is strong, with the threat of Franco's attack creating a sense of danger and uncertainty for the characters.

      High Stakes: 9

      The stakes are high with a hostage situation, the threat of violence, and the lives of characters on the line. The tension is palpable.

      Story Forward: 8

      The scene moves the story forward by escalating the tension and conflict. The unexpected burst of gunfire propels the narrative.

      Unpredictability: 8

      This scene is unpredictable because of the sudden attack by Franco and the unexpected turn of events, keeping the audience guessing about the characters' fates.

      Philosophical Conflict: 7

      The philosophical conflict revolves around the value of partnership and loyalty in the face of danger and betrayal. McClane's belief in supporting his partner clashes with Powell's guilt and self-doubt.


      Audience Engagement

      Emotional Impact: 7

      The emotional impact is significant, especially with Powell's reveal about his past experiences. The tension and stakes evoke emotions in the audience.

      Dialogue: 8

      The dialogue is tense and impactful, especially between McClane and Powell. The communication between characters drives the scene forward.

      Engagement: 9

      This scene is engaging because of its high stakes, emotional depth, and suspenseful action, keeping the audience on the edge of their seats.

      Pacing: 9

      The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a balance of action, dialogue, and suspenseful moments that maintain the tension and drive the narrative forward.


      Technical Aspect

      Formatting: 8

      The scene follows standard screenplay formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings, action descriptions, and character dialogue.

      Structure: 8

      The scene follows a typical action genre structure with escalating tension, character interactions, and a cliffhanger ending, effectively building suspense and drama.


      Critique
      • The scene is well-written and suspenseful, but it could be improved by adding more details to the setting and the characters.
      • The dialogue is natural and believable, but it could be more concise.
      • The scene could be more visually interesting by adding more action or movement.
      • The scene could be more emotionally impactful by adding more character development.
      Suggestions
      • Add more details to the setting by describing the office where McClane is hiding and the stairwell where Franco is moving.
      • Add more details to the characters by describing their appearance and their personalities.
      • Concise the dialogue by cutting out unnecessary words and phrases.
      • Add more action or movement to the scene by having McClane and Franco engage in a gunfight or by having McClane escape from the office.
      • Add more character development by having McClane and Powell talk about their families or their past experiences.



      Scene 32 -  McClane's Rooftop Escape and Franco's Demise
      315 EXT. POLICE TRAILER - SAME 315
      Robinson comes up to Powell.
      ROBINSON
      Alert McClane. They're after him.
      Suddenly both' men look up as bits of glass sparkle and fall to
      the street like glitter in the huge spotlights.
      POWELL
      No lie.
      316 INT. 39TH FLOOR - SAME 316
      McClane dives into another office across the hall just before
      Franco cuts him off.
      /f»!ft\
      317 MCCLANE 317
      checks his rifle — he's almost out of ammunition — and opens
      his kit bag for the spare clip as we:
      CUT T0:
      A98
      89
      318 INSERT - THE SPARE CLIP 318
      f*^ on the desk in the first office. It is picked up by Franco,
      who smiles at his find.
      319 ON MCCLANE 319
      He moves quickly down the corridor to the stairwell and opens
      the door REVEALING:
      320 FRANCO 320
      He stands in the stairwell his machine gun trained on McClane.
      321 INT. POLICE TRAILER 321
      The Interpreter looks at Powell and Robinson entering the trailer

      INTERPRETER
      They've caught him. They're taking
      him to the roof.

      322 STAIRWELL - ON FRANCO AND MCCLANE . 322
      climbing. Franco listens to Hans on the CB.

      (** HANS' VOICE
      (o.s.)
      Wait for Karl. Don't take
      him there alone.

      FRANCO
      Nein, nein...We are here.

      323 INT. POLICE TRAILER 323

      Robinson and Powell listening to the conversation.

      ROBINSON
      (on police radio)
      All C-thirty three personnel
      be sharp. Countdown starting
      with four.
      CUT TO:
      324 EXT. ADJACENT BUILDING ROOF - NIGHT 324
      A POLICE SNIPER (#1) brings up his high-powered rifle. His
      C""* SPOTTER (#1) sits next to him with an infra-red scope and CB.




      A98
      90

      325 HIS P . O . V . 325
      /fl&?£\

      Through infra-red scope. The door to the roof.

      SPOTTER #1
      One, clear.

      326 EXT. ROOFTOP OF ANOTHER BUILDING - SAME 326

      SNIPER (#2's) nest. The SPOTTER (#2) lifts his radio.


      SPOTTER #2
      Two clear —

      327 INT. DOOR TO THE ROOF - STAIRWELL - SAME 327

      McClane and the Franco reach the interior door that leads to
      the roof. McClane is about to open it when Franco stops.

      FRANCO
      Stop...Turn around.

      McClane does. Franco's eyes focus on McClane's detective
      badge covered with dirt and blood. Franco unpins it from
      McClane's shirt and wipes it clean.

      328 SPOTTER #2'S P.O.V. 328

      The door to the roof opens slowly and two men emerge. The
      Spotter talks by headset.

      SPOTTER #2
      (voice over)
      They're on the roof.

      ROBINSON
      (voice over)
      Look for the badge.
      329 SNIPER'S SCOPE P.O.V. (CROSSHAIRS) CLOSE ON 329
      ytSIn^
      MCCLANE'S BADGE
      SNIPER #2
      (voice over) . .-
      I've got it...
      (CONTINUED)
      A98
      91

      329 CONTINUED: 329


      We PULL BACK TO SEE Franco is now wearing the badge,
      They continue toward the edge. McClane is limping
      noticeably.

      SNIPER #2
      (voice over)
      ...and it's clean...From the
      looks of it, though, he's
      turned things around.


      330 ON POWELL AND ROBINSON 330

      listening, surprised.


      SPOTTER #1
      (voice over)
      Spotter one, here, I've got
      that too, Sir.

      POWELL
      (to Robinson
      He would have let us know.
      (into mike)
      Is anyone limping?


      SPOTTER #2
      (voice over)
      Yessir, the one in front.


      POWELL
      (to Robinson)
      It's a trick.


      But Robinson looks lost. Unsure.


      POWELL
      (forcefully)
      It'.s a trick!




      A98
      92
      331 EXT. NAKATOMI ROOF - ON MCCLANE AND FRANCO 331
      f^ They reach the edge, there's nothing there. McClane acts
      surprised.
      MCCLANE
      I left them right here...or maybe
      they're over there.
      Franco cocks his machine gun.
      MCCLANE
      Hang on...I just remembered...I've
      got 'em in my pockets.
      Carefully he reaches into a pocket and brings out a handful
      of detonators. Franco takes them and presses his CB.
      FRANCO
      / (to CB)
      / I've got them.
      Hans' voice comes back.
      HANS' VOICE
      Good. Kill him.
      /$Sf\ FRANCO
      (to McClane)
      Kneel.
      332 INT. POLICE TRAILER 332
      Robinson suddenly decides. He grabs his mike.
      ROBINSON
      All C-33 personnel, got that?
      333 NAKATOMI ROOFTOP 333
      McClane kneels in front of franco. The terrorist aims his
      machine gun at McClane's head, then suddenly, without a sound,
      Franco is blown backwards then sideways almost simultaneously,
      as if hit by two invisible punches. McClane hits the ground
      just as the:
      334 ANGLE - ROOFTOP DOOR 334
      swings open and Karl opens fire. More sniper shots send Karl
      back inside. He closes the door and locks it.
      335 MCCLANE 335
      /lp^\

      lies there a moment longer, then picks up Franco's CB.
      "MCCLANE
      AI?
      A98 INTERCUT:
      93
      336 POLICE TRAILER - ON POWELL 336

      relieved.
      POWELL
      Right here, man. Jesus, that scared
      the shit out of me.
      MCCLANE
      You and me both. I just want to say
      thanks to the boys on the rooftops.
      POWELL
      (grins)
      I'll pass that along.
      MCCLANE
      And to whatever jumped in back there.
      337 INT. LIMO - ON WILLIAM 337
      wiped out in the backseat. He clutches the stuffed animal in
      a death lock. He's relieved to hear McClane's voice, then
      leans forward. Hesitates, then presses the talk button.
      WILLIAM
      This is him.
      MCCLANE'S VOICE
      You got a name?
      William hesitates, then picks up a fast food wrapper off the
      front seat and smiles.
      WILLIAM
      Just call me Taco Bill.
      338 ON MCCLANE 338
      MCCLANE
      (listening to the voice)
      You sound familiar, Taco...
      WILLIAMS' VOICE
      No, man, you don't know me, I'm just
      one of your underground supporters
      watching this thing on TV.
      MCCLANE
      (realizing)
      I'll be damned...William...
      (presses button)
      In stereo I bet.
      /Wfty




      A98
      94

      339 ON WILLIAM 339
      yS$£?\
      WILLIAM
      (grins)
      Dolby.
      340 ON MCCLANE 340
      MCCLANE
      Thanks, man.
      (to Powell)
      Al? I think they've locked the door
      on me.
      Just then Hans' voice comes over the air.
      HANS' VOICE
      We have, Mr. McClane, but we'll be
      back to kill you. Think about that
      while you are out there in the cold.
      341 EXT. CENTURY CITY - KCBS REMOTE - NIGHT 341
      Dick Thornburg goes to a commercial. Mary comes over, smiling.
      THORNBURG
      I hope that smile means you've found
      something.
      MARY
      (confidently)
      I think we've got.a winner.
      She smiles knowingly and pats a plain brown folder.
      3 42 INT. HANS' OFFICE - SAME 342
      He sits in his office and looks through the open door at
      Holly. She sits twisting the band of her watch.
      HANS
      A psychiatrist would probably say
      that that action comes from some
      deep worry or angst.
      HOLLY
      (cuttingly sarcastic)
      I'd say I've approached those
      feelings recently.
      34 3 INT. BLACK AND WHITE POLICE CAR 343
      Robinson sits in the backseat of a black and white police car
      looking at some papers. Little•Johnson is already sitting there,
      (CONTINUED)
      A98
      95

      343 CONTINUED: 343
      Big Johnson sits in the front. They're not going anywhere,
      they're here to talk.
      BIG JOHNSON
      'Hans' is Hans Gruber. There's a
      call out on him by Interpol. It's
      our ballgame, Dwayne.
      ROBINSON
      (looking up)
      I don't see any written authorization
      here...
      (tossing the
      reports on the
      seat)
      When I see it, then it's your case.
      He starts to open the door, realizes he's in a black and
      white — no rear door handles — and looks back at the two
      men.
      LITTLE JOHNSON
      (grins)
      Cool down, Dwayne, you know
      authorization's coming, 'problem
      is it's an hour away...and we don't
      have an hour.
      Robinson eyes them suspiciously.
      LITTLE JOHNSON
      (seriously)
      We're ordering an air strike at
      five a.m.
      ROBINSON
      (stunned)
      And you want me to go along with
      that? What if it fails?
      LITTLE JOHNSON
      It won't. Thanxs to McClane,
      they're down to four. They can't
      cover the whole place. It'll be
      over before they know what hit
      them.
      Robinson hesitates. He looks stunned.
      /$$t\ (CONTINUED)



      A98
      96

      343 CONTINUED: (2) 343
      BIG JOHNSON
      Gruber makes it our case, Dwayne.
      We're just giving you a chance to
      wipe some of the shit off your face
      from that fiasco last night.
      ROBINSON
      (beat)
      What about McClane?
      LITTLE JOHNSON
      He's wounded, we have it on tape
      that they're going after him at dawn
      ...if a question should ever arise,
      and it won't, we were giving him
      air cover. We just can't tip the
      hat by telling him.
      Both men look at the deputy chief. Robinson closes the
      folder on Gruber and thumps on the door.
      ROBINSON
      Get me out of this thing.

      S0y\
      The two agents share a smile.
      BIG JOHNSON
      That's what we're here for, Dwayne.
      He gets out and opens Robinson's door.
      Genres: ["Action","Thriller","Crime"]

      Summary In this intense scene, McClane is chased by Franco on the rooftop of a building in Century City. With his ammunition running low, McClane hides in a stairwell and Franco finds him. They reach the roof, where Franco discovers McClane's badge. Meanwhile, Powell and Robinson coordinate with snipers to find McClane. In a clever move, McClane tricks Franco into thinking he has the detonators, but it's actually a handful of nothing. Franco is then shot by a sniper, and McClane picks up Franco's CB to communicate with Powell. This scene is filled with tension, action, and a sense of urgency as McClane tries to stay alive and out of Hans' grasp.
      Strengths
      • Intense action
      • Tense negotiation
      • Surprise sniper intervention
      • High stakes
      Weaknesses
      • Some cliched dialogue

      Ratings
      Overall

      Overall: 8

      The scene is filled with tension, action, and high stakes, keeping the audience engaged and on the edge of their seats.


      Story Content

      Concept: 8

      The concept of a rooftop showdown between McClane and the terrorists, with unexpected sniper intervention and impending air strike, is innovative and adds to the suspense.

      Plot: 8

      The plot advances significantly with the confrontation on the rooftop, the negotiation, and the impending air strike, adding layers of complexity and tension.

      Originality: 9

      The scene features a unique blend of action, suspense, and character dynamics, with fresh approaches to familiar action tropes. The dialogue feels authentic and adds depth to the characters' motivations.


      Character Development

      Characters: 7

      The characters, especially McClane and the terrorists, show determination and resolve in the face of danger, adding depth to the scene.

      Character Changes: 6

      McClane shows resilience and resourcefulness, while the terrorists display ruthlessness and desperation, showcasing some character development.

      Internal Goal: 8

      The protagonist's internal goal is to protect McClane and ensure his safety in the face of imminent danger. This reflects his sense of duty, loyalty, and commitment to his fellow officer.

      External Goal: 7

      The protagonist's external goal is to alert McClane and his team about the terrorists' plans and prevent them from carrying out their attack. This goal reflects the immediate challenge of stopping a terrorist threat.


      Scene Elements

      Conflict Level: 9

      The conflict between McClane and the terrorists, as well as the impending air strike, creates a high level of tension and suspense.

      Opposition: 8

      The opposition in the scene is strong, with the characters facing multiple obstacles and challenges that raise the stakes and create tension. The audience is left unsure of how the characters will overcome these obstacles.

      High Stakes: 9

      The high stakes of McClane's life, the impending air strike, and the intense confrontation raise the tension and urgency of the scene.

      Story Forward: 9

      The scene significantly moves the story forward with the resolution of the rooftop confrontation, setting the stage for the next phase of the narrative.

      Unpredictability: 8

      This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists and turns in the plot, such as the sudden attack on Franco and the revelation of the air strike plan. The audience is kept guessing about the characters' fates and the outcome of the situation.

      Philosophical Conflict: 6

      There is a philosophical conflict between the protagonist's sense of duty and the potential consequences of taking drastic action, such as ordering an air strike. This challenges the protagonist's values and beliefs about law enforcement and the use of force.


      Audience Engagement

      Emotional Impact: 8

      The scene evokes anxiety, fear, and determination in the characters and the audience, heightening the emotional impact.

      Dialogue: 7

      The dialogue is tense and impactful, especially during the negotiation and confrontation, adding to the overall intensity of the scene.

      Engagement: 9

      This scene is engaging because of its fast-paced action, high stakes, and suspenseful atmosphere. The audience is kept on the edge of their seats, eager to see how the characters will navigate the dangerous situation.

      Pacing: 9

      The pacing of the scene is expertly handled, with a balance of action, dialogue, and suspense that keeps the audience engaged and invested in the characters' fates.


      Technical Aspect

      Formatting: 7

      The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character actions.

      Structure: 8

      The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with a clear progression of events and a focus on building tension and suspense.


      Critique
      • The scene starts with a brief action sequence that ends with McClane being saved by a sniper. This is a good way to start the scene and immediately grab the reader's attention. However, the rest of the scene is mostly exposition as McClane talks to Powell and Franco on the radio. This exposition is necessary to move the plot forward, but it could be more engaging if it was broken up with more action or dialogue.
      • The dialogue between McClane and Powell is well-written and believable. The two characters have a good rapport and their conversation flows naturally. However, the dialogue between McClane and Franco is less believable. Franco is a ruthless terrorist and he doesn't seem like the type of person who would engage in a friendly conversation with McClane.
      • The scene ends with McClane tricking Franco into thinking that he has the detonators. This is a clever move by McClane and it sets up the next scene where he will use the detonators to escape from the roof. However, the scene could be more satisfying if McClane had a more active role in Franco's demise. As it is, Franco is killed by the sniper without McClane even having to do anything.
      • Overall, the scene is well-written and moves the plot forward. However, it could be improved by adding more action and breaking up the exposition with more dialogue.
      Suggestions
      • Add more action to the scene. For example, you could have McClane and Franco engage in a brief firefight before McClane is saved by the sniper.
      • Break up the exposition with more dialogue. For example, you could have McClane and Powell discuss their strategies for dealing with the terrorists.
      • Make the dialogue between McClane and Franco more believable. For example, you could have Franco be more hostile and threatening towards McClane.
      • Give McClane a more active role in Franco's demise. For example, you could have McClane use the detonators to blow up Franco's machine gun.



      Scene 33 -  Preparing for Descent: McClane Uncovers a Threat
      344 EXT. NAKATOMI ROOF - ON MCCLANE - PRE-DAWN 344
      He goes through Franco's kit bag and removes his Beretta and
      finds something else — another candy bar.
      MCCLANE
      Hot damn, Mars bars.
      (savors a bite, then
      presses CB)
      Hey, Al?
      INTERCUT:
      345 POWELL 345
      He looks up at the building.
      POWELL
      Merry Christmas, man. How was
      your nap?
      (CONTINUED)

      A98
      97
      345
      345 CONTINUED:
      C MCCLANE
      What nap? I was just rinsing out
      a few things. What's going on down
      there?
      POWELL
      Just the usual stuff...
      MCCLANE
      That's what you said the last time.
      WILLIAM'S VOICE
      And don't you believe it, either.
      MCCLANE
      You watching this, Taco?
      / 346 INT. LIMO 346
      William watches the TV set in the limo, presses the Talk
      Button on his CB.
      WILLIAM
      In color, John.
      INTERCUT:
      347 MCCLANE 347
      MCCLANE
      Talk to me.
      WILLIAM
      Well, they're not showing much but
      they've brought in a lot of hardware.
      POWELL"S VOICE
      John, listen to me. The less you
      talk about this the better.
      MCCLANE
      Talk about what, Al? Didn't you
      tell me nothing is going on?
      348 ON POWELL 348
      POWELL
      Okay, it is true we have SWAT personnel
      here, but they are here in case of
      emergency...Listen, John, I just talked
      to them and they swore there would be
      no ground assault.


      A98
      98
      349 MCCLANE 349
      He turns the corner and finds a metal cabinet (like the glass
      ones on the lower floors) containing a fire hose. He pulls
      out a foot of the canvas hose, then stops.'
      MCCLANE
      What about an air assault, AI?
      POWELL'S VOICE
      (beat)
      No one's said anything about an
      air assault.
      MCCLANE
      Put Robinson on to tell me that.
      POWELL'S VOICE
      It's not his show anymore, John.
      ?'
      / This hits McClane.
      MCCLANE
      Then who the hell's is it?
      POWELL'S VOICE
      (beat)
      FBI's.
      The word hit.McClane like they would any cop. It's a brand
      new ball game.
      MCCLANE
      Taco?...
      He yanks the heavy fire hose out of the cabinet and across
      the roof toward the edge.
      WILLIAM'S VOICE
      Right here.
      MCCLANE
      I don't like the sound of this. Are
      your eyes as good as your ears?
      WILLIAM'S VOICE
      Twenty twenty, boss.
      MCCLANE
      Keep 'em glued to that screen.
      350 HANS' OFFICE 350
      Karl comes to the 'door, Hans looks up from the CB.
      (CONTINUED)
      A98
      99
      350
      350 CONTINUED:
      HANS
      ^v They're getting ready to do something.
      ^ Get to the roof.
      351 MCCLANE 351
      removes Franco's belt, then cuts a crude harness out of the
      dead man's kit bag.
      352 ANGLE ON MCCLANE 352
      as he leans over the roof and focuses on the large plate
      windows of the floor below (40th). He carefully measures off
      the hose, then looks over the side one more time. The drop
      again gets to him this time. He straightens up quickly.
      MCCLANE
      (to himself)
      What the fuck am I doing?
      Suddenly he stops his work and listens.
      Genres: ["Action","Thriller"]

      Summary Set on the roof of Nakatomi Plaza, McClane discovers a bag containing a Beretta and a Mars bar, and communicates with Powell and Williams on the CB radio. He learns about the involvement of SWAT and the FBI, and though hesitant, prepares to rappel down the building. As he cuts a harness from a dead man's kit bag and focuses on the large plate windows, he overhears Hans' men making plans, causing him to pause and listen.
      Strengths
      • Intense action
      • Tense atmosphere
      • Strong character development
      • High stakes
      Weaknesses
      • Some cliched dialogue
      • Predictable outcome in some moments

      Ratings
      Overall

      Overall: 8

      The scene is intense, suspenseful, and crucial in advancing the plot. It showcases McClane's resourcefulness and determination in a life-threatening situation.


      Story Content

      Concept: 8

      The concept of a lone hero facing off against a group of terrorists in a high-rise building is executed effectively, with the rooftop setting adding to the tension and danger.

      Plot: 9

      The plot is driven forward significantly in this scene, with McClane's actions leading to a major confrontation with the terrorists and setting the stage for the climax of the story.

      Originality: 8

      The scene is original in its use of CB radios for communication and the protagonist's resourcefulness in using a fire hose as a makeshift harness. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and contribute to the tension of the scene.


      Character Development

      Characters: 8

      The characters, especially McClane, are well-developed and their actions in this scene showcase their strengths, weaknesses, and motivations effectively.

      Character Changes: 7

      McClane undergoes a significant change in this scene, from a tired and injured cop to a determined and resourceful hero fighting for survival.

      Internal Goal: 8

      McClane's internal goal in this scene is to assess the situation and come up with a plan to deal with the armed individuals inside the building. This reflects his need to protect himself and others, as well as his fear of the unknown and desire to survive.

      External Goal: 7

      McClane's external goal is to find a way to escape or confront the armed individuals inside the building. This reflects the immediate challenge he is facing and the danger he is in.


      Scene Elements

      Conflict Level: 9

      The conflict in the scene is intense and multi-layered, with physical, emotional, and moral conflicts driving the action forward.

      Opposition: 8

      The opposition in the scene is strong, with McClane facing multiple challenges and obstacles in his attempt to escape the building. The uncertainty of the situation adds to the tension and suspense.

      High Stakes: 9

      The stakes are incredibly high in this scene, with McClane's life and the lives of the hostages hanging in the balance as he faces off against the terrorists.

      Story Forward: 9

      The scene propels the story forward by escalating the conflict, raising the stakes, and setting up the final showdown between McClane and the terrorists.

      Unpredictability: 7

      This scene is unpredictable because of the shifting dynamics between McClane and the authorities, as well as the unexpected use of a fire hose as a makeshift harness. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of how the situation will unfold.

      Philosophical Conflict: 6

      The philosophical conflict in this scene is between McClane's belief in taking action and the authorities' caution and restraint. This challenges McClane's values of independence and self-reliance.


      Audience Engagement

      Emotional Impact: 8

      The scene evokes a strong emotional response from the audience, as they root for McClane to overcome the odds and defeat the terrorists.

      Dialogue: 7

      The dialogue is tense and realistic, reflecting the high-stress situation the characters are in. It effectively conveys the urgency and danger of the scene.

      Engagement: 9

      This scene is engaging because of its fast-paced action, sharp dialogue, and high stakes. The audience is drawn into McClane's struggle to survive and outsmart the armed individuals.

      Pacing: 9

      The pacing of the scene is fast and intense, with quick cuts between different characters and locations. The rhythm of the scene builds suspense and keeps the audience engaged.


      Technical Aspect

      Formatting: 7

      The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings and character actions. The use of intercutting adds to the suspense of the scene.

      Structure: 8

      The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm of the scene contribute to its effectiveness in building tension.


      Critique
      • The scene is well-written and engaging, but it could be improved by adding more details and descriptions.
      • The pacing of the scene is a bit slow at times, and it could benefit from some more action or suspense.
      • The dialogue is natural and believable, but it could be more concise and to the point.
      • The characters are well-developed and interesting, but they could be more fully fleshed out.
      • The setting is well-described and atmospheric, but it could be more visually interesting.
      Suggestions
      • Add more details and descriptions to the scene to make it more vivid and engaging.
      • Increase the pacing of the scene by adding more action or suspense.
      • Make the dialogue more concise and to the point.
      • Flesh out the characters by adding more details about their backgrounds and motivations.
      • Make the setting more visually interesting by adding more details and descriptions.



      Scene 34 -  McClane vs. Helicopter Gunships: A Roof Showdown
      353 INT. LIMO 353
      William is running through the channels. Suddenly he stops
      and picks up his CB.
      f* 354 EXT. NAKATOMI ROOF 354
      McClane stares out toward the horizon. In the darkness the
      lights — three helicopter gunships, flying in tight
      formation. His radio crackles.
      WILLIAM'S VOICE
      John! —
      MCCLANE
      I see them.
      (to AI)
      Now what do you say, Al? Those
      traffic helicopters?
      355 INT. POLICE TRAILER - ON POWELL - SAME 355
      He is stunned to hear this. He asks out loud to the video
      technicians.
      POWELL
      Is anyone picking up helicopters?
      A TECHNICIAN at the far end turns.
      TECHNICIAN
      f*^ I've got them.
      Powell moves quickly to the technician's video screen. Sure
      enough, he sees the lights of incoming helicopters. The sight
      stuns him.
      A98
      100

      356 INT. MACHINE ROOM (LOWER ROOF) - SAME 356
      Karl rips the top off a crate and removes a lethal Stinger
      missile launcher.
      357 INT. POLICE TRAILER - SAME 357
      Just then Robinson and Little Johnson step inside. Powell
      turns on Johnson.
      POWELL
      What the hell you doing?
      LITTLE JOHNSON
      If he knew about them, he would have
      tipped off the terrorists.
      POWELL
      (hard)
      You sonofabitch. You've left him
      up there to fry.
      358 EXT. THE ROOF - ON MCCLANE - SAME 358
      He struggles into his make-shift harness and moves to his
      position at the edge of the roof behind the big NAKATOMI
      letters.
      MCCLANE
      (to CB)
      Taco?
      WILLIAM'S VOICE
      Right here, John.
      MCCLANE
      Listen carefully...
      CUT TO:
      359 INT. LIMO 359
      William climbs into the front seat of the limo and starts
      the engine. He gives it a couple good revs and looks over
      his shoulder at the stuffed animal — it's buckled in.
      WILLIAM
      Hang on, man.
      360 EXT. ROOF 360
      McClane looks back toward the helicopters on the horizon...
      •They are closing fast, less- than a half-mile away. The first
      helicopter lowers its nose and starts to dive.
      (CONTINUED)
      A98
      101

      360 CONTINUED: 360

      MCCLANE
      ( t o CB)
      Okay...Now!

      361 INT. LIMO 361
      William backs out of his parking place and puts it in drive.
      He opens a tape case and frantically searches through his
      collection of RAP cassettes as he speeds through the garage
      toward the gates.
      WILLIAM
      (counting to himself)
      Ten, nine, eight, seven...
      362 EXT. ROOF 362
      i
      ( McClane turns the CB to channel 26, turns up the volume and
      throws the CB in the direction of the elevator tower. The
      door to the roof starts to open and McClane fires a quick
      burst forcing the terrorists back inside.
      3 63 INT. LIMO 363
      William suddenly pulls a tape from the case and his fingers
      whip it into the cassette deck in the car stereo.
      WILLIAM
      ...Three, two, one.
      He cranks up the volume and presses the TALK BUTTON on his
      CB.
      364 INT. HANS' OFFICE - SAME 364
      Hans at the window. He watches the helicopters approach and
      starts to tlak into his radio when suddenly his CB starts
      blaring William's LOUD RAP MUSIC.
      365 EXT. THE ROOF - CLOSE ON MCCLANE'S RADIO - SAME 365
      BLASTING the same LOUD MUSIC as we:

      CUT TO:
      366 INT. LIMO 366
      racing head on toward the gate. William braces for impact.
      (CONTINUED)



      A98
      102

      366 CONTINUED: 366
      ( WILLIAM
      Well, here goes my raise...
      And he CRASHES THROUGH THE GATE just as we:
      CUT TO:
      367 EXT. ELEVATOR TOWER 367
      As the first cannon rounds from the helicopter drown out the
      song and rocks spew up all around the elevator tower. The
      gunship passes overhead and one of the terrorists steps out
      and fires at McClane.
      368 MCCLANE 368
      takes cover behind the NAKATOMI sign.
      ' 369 HELICOPTER #2 369
      dives to attack.
      370 THE DOOR TO THE ELEVATOR TOWER 370
      suddenly cracks open and a column of smoke, stiff as a
      f* flagpole, rises into the sky.
      371 CLOSE ON MCCLANE 371
      realizing what's happened.
      MCCLANE
      No!
      372 HELICOPTER #2 372
      as the missile hits and the helicopter explodes — sending
      parts falling to the street and adjacent rooftop.
      373 MCCLANE 373
      fires at the door driving the terrorists back inside, then
      looks up at:
      374 HELICOPTER #1 374
      for a moment the other helicopter hesitates as if deciding
      whether to attack again.

      /flfi^S^
      375 MCCLANE 375
      watching the helicopter.
      (CONTINUED)
      A98
      103

      375 CONTINUED: 375
      ^ MCCLANE
      (watching the helicopter)
      Use your brains and get the fuck out
      of here.

      376 HELICOPTER #1 376

      But the chopper lowers its nose and dives toward the building.

      377 MCCLANE 377

      turns back to the door; it starts to open.

      MCCLANE
      Shit.

      He fires wildly at the doorway, forcing the two terrorists
      to stay inside as:

      378 THE HELICOPTER 378

      makes a pass blowing the hell out of the tower, but not bothering
      anyone inside. The helicopter turns and starts to come in again.

      379 MCCLANE 379
      /£$^N
      ( covers the helicopter's attack, then suddenly runs out of
      ammunition. He reaches for the second magazine just as:

      380 THE ELEVATOR TOWER DOOR 380

      opens and Uli fires at him.

      381 MCCLANE 381
      as a bullet rips cleanly through his thigh and causes him to
      knock the second magazine over the side of the roof. McClane
      falls to the edge and watches the magazine disappear below.
      382 THE HELICOPTER 382

      starting its pass, but with no one to provide cover.

      383 KARL 383

      steps boldly into the doorway behind Uli with another Stinger
      missile on his shoulder. He takes aim.

      384 KARL'S P.O.V. 384

      y<m\. The diving helicopter directly in his sights.




      A98
      104
      385 MCCLANE 385
      lying on the edge of the building. He focuses on the window
      y below him and takes out his Beretta. As the helicopter comes
      screaming in for its attack, McClane fires into the window.
      Genres: ["Action","Thriller"]

      Summary In this intense and action-packed scene, McClane on the Nakatomi roof confronts three helicopter gunships. With Powell's confirmation and William's disruptive rap music, McClane takes on the terrorists. He fires at the helicopters, causing one to explode and deterring the others. Amidst the chaos, McClane's wit and bravery save the day, ending the scene with him victorious.
      Strengths
      • Intense action
      • Suspenseful atmosphere
      • Strong character dynamics
      Weaknesses
      • Some cliched action tropes
      • Lack of character depth for some supporting roles

      Ratings
      Overall

      Overall: 9

      The scene is action-packed, suspenseful, and emotionally charged, with high stakes and intense conflict driving the narrative forward.


      Story Content

      Concept: 9

      The concept of a lone hero facing off against a group of terrorists on a rooftop, using unconventional methods to outsmart them, is executed effectively and keeps the audience on the edge of their seats.

      Plot: 8

      The plot is focused on the escalating confrontation between McClane and the terrorists, with each action leading to a higher level of tension and danger.

      Originality: 9

      The scene introduces unique elements like the use of CB radios, missile launchers, and helicopters in a high-rise building setting. The dialogue and actions of the characters feel authentic and add to the tension of the scene.


      Character Development

      Characters: 8

      The characters, especially John McClane, are well-developed and their motivations and actions drive the plot forward. The terrorists are portrayed as formidable adversaries, adding to the conflict.

      Character Changes: 7

      McClane undergoes a physical and emotional transformation as he faces increasing danger and challenges, showcasing his resilience and resourcefulness.

      Internal Goal: 8

      McClane's internal goal is to protect himself and others from the terrorists and helicopters attacking the building. This reflects his deeper need for survival and his desire to save lives.

      External Goal: 9

      McClane's external goal is to stop the terrorists and helicopters from causing harm to the building and its occupants. This reflects the immediate challenge he is facing and the danger he must overcome.


      Scene Elements

      Conflict Level: 9

      The conflict between McClane and the terrorists, as well as the escalating danger with the helicopters and missile launchers, creates a high level of tension and suspense.

      Opposition: 9

      The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist facing multiple threats from the terrorists, helicopters, and missile launchers. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of how McClane will overcome these obstacles.

      High Stakes: 10

      The high stakes of the rooftop showdown, with helicopters, missile launchers, and the threat of death, create a sense of urgency and danger that keeps the audience engaged.

      Story Forward: 9

      The scene propels the story forward by raising the stakes, escalating the conflict, and setting up the climax of the film.

      Unpredictability: 8

      This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists and turns, such as the arrival of the helicopters and the use of missile launchers. The audience is kept on their toes, unsure of how the situation will unfold.

      Philosophical Conflict: 7

      The philosophical conflict in this scene is between McClane's values of protecting innocent lives and the terrorists' values of causing destruction and chaos. This challenges McClane's beliefs in justice and the importance of human life.


      Audience Engagement

      Emotional Impact: 8

      The scene evokes fear, tension, and determination in the audience, as they root for McClane to overcome the odds and survive the deadly situation.

      Dialogue: 7

      The dialogue is tense and impactful, with characters communicating effectively under pressure. The use of the CB radio adds to the urgency of the situation.

      Engagement: 9

      This scene is engaging because of its fast-paced action, high stakes, and intense character interactions. The audience is drawn into the tension and suspense of the rooftop standoff.

      Pacing: 9

      The pacing of the scene is expertly crafted, with a balance of action, dialogue, and suspenseful moments. The rhythm of the scene keeps the audience engaged and invested in the outcome.


      Technical Aspect

      Formatting: 8

      The scene follows the expected format for an action genre screenplay, with clear scene descriptions, character actions, and dialogue. The formatting enhances the readability and impact of the scene.

      Structure: 8

      The scene follows a typical action sequence structure, with escalating tension, a climax, and a resolution. It effectively builds suspense and keeps the audience engaged.


      Critique
      • The scene is well-written with a clear sense of tension and urgency, which is appropriate for the action-packed nature of the story.
      • The use of multiple perspectives in this scene, including McClane, William, Powell, Robinson, and the terrorists, helps to build a sense of chaos and confusion.
      • The dialogue is crisp and effective, particularly McClane's communication with Powell and William over the CB radio. It helps to build a sense of camaraderie and shared purpose between the characters.
      • The visual descriptions are vivid and help to create a sense of urgency and danger. For example, the description of the helicopters approaching and firing at the building is particularly effective.
      Suggestions
      • Consider adding more sensory details to the scene, such as sounds, smells, or tactile sensations, to help the reader feel fully immersed in the action.
      • Consider adding more internal dialogue or thoughts from McClane to help the reader understand his motivations and emotions in this moment.
      • Consider adding more description of the other characters' expressions or body language to help the reader better understand their reactions and emotions.
      • Consider adding more foreshadowing or hints about what's to come later in the story to help build suspense and anticipation.



      Scene 35 -  McClane's Narrow Escape and Collapse
      386 INT. HELICOPTER - SAME 386
      Inside the helicopter there is a split-second to realize the
      inevitable, but not enough time to react as the second missile
      is launched.
      387 THE ROOFTOP 387
      turns cherry red as THE HELICOPTER EXPLODES DIRECTLY OVERHEAD.
      Flaming gas and chunks of metal come raining down onto the
      roof.
      388 MCCLANE 388
      rolls off the side of the building, crashing full force
      I through the window and into a:

      389 INT. 4pTH FLOOR OFFICE 389
      McClane clutches for a handhold as hunks of the destroyed
      helicopter fall past the window. He grabs onto the desk leg
      with one hand but the tension of the hose pulls him back
      toward the window like a giant hand. With one hand he pulls
      the strap to release the harness. Immediately losing his
      grip on the desk the tension of the hose pulls him toward
      the window, but the harness slips off just in time. He's in.
      390 EXT. ROOF - MORNING 390
      Karl looks out from the doorway at the wreckage and the
      deserted rooftop. Nothing moves. Nothing could have survived
      that crash. Only the 'K' remains of the NAKATOMI sign.
      A half-mile away the third helicopter lands on the rooftop
      of a nearby building. The remaining FBI troops climb out
      and run for safety. Karl brings the CB to his mouth. Channel
      26 is jammed. He turns to nine and his words are heard from
      William's limo to Powell on the street.
      KARL'S VOICE
      McClane is dead.
      391 INT. HANS' OFFICE - SAME 391
      Hans is watching the TV.




      A98
      105

      392 ON SCREEN 392
      We SEE a LONG SHOT of the Nakatomi rooftop. The smoldering
      wreckage seems to be visual evidence of Karl's statement.
      393 EXT. THE STREET - SAME 393
      Powell watches in horror as final pieces of the helicopter
      come raining down. Unwilling to give up he charges into:
      394 INT. POLICE TRAILER 394
      Technicians are rewinding and viewing the various tape of
      the helicopter attack and the crashes.
      POWELL
      (to a technician)
      Any sign of McClane?
      1
      /
      TECHNICIAN
      Nothing.
      395 INT. 40TH FLOOR OFFICE - DAWN 395
      McClane pulls himself into the room. He is shaken. Breathing
      hard. He tears at his pants to reveal the leg wound. There
      is too much blood to see it clearly.
      /^\
      He tries to wipe away the blood but the pain is so intense
      he crumples up onto the floor writhing. Suddenly he sees
      something across the floor.
      396 CLOSE ON A DESK PHOTO 396
      of a family. The glass shattered but the picture intact.
      397 MCCLANE 397
      he looks up on a credenza and sees other photos:
      398 INSERT - PHOTOS 398
      A boy playing baseball, a girl pushing a stroller. Anonymous
      faces, but families.
      399 CLOSE ON MCCLANE. 399
      He closes his eyes.
      Genres: ["Action","Thriller"]

      Summary A helicopter explodes over the rooftop where McClane and Karl are, and McClane survives by rolling off the building and crashing through a window into a 4th floor office. Believing McClane to be dead, Karl broadcasts this to his allies. However, McClane, who is injured, enters the 40th floor office, sees family photos, and collapses in pain, ending the scene.
      Strengths
      • Intense action sequences
      • Emotional depth
      • High stakes
      • Character development
      Weaknesses
      • Some cliched dialogue
      • Predictable plot points

      Ratings
      Overall

      Overall: 9

      The scene is filled with intense action, emotional moments, and high stakes, keeping the audience engaged throughout.


      Story Content

      Concept: 8

      The concept of a lone hero facing off against a group of terrorists in a high-rise building is executed well, with added elements of family and personal stakes.

      Plot: 9

      The plot is fast-paced, filled with twists and turns, and culminates in a dramatic showdown between the protagonist and antagonist.

      Originality: 9

      The scene offers a fresh approach to the action genre by blending physical danger with emotional turmoil, creating a more complex and engaging narrative. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality.


      Character Development

      Characters: 8

      The characters are well-developed, with clear motivations and conflicts driving their actions.

      Character Changes: 7

      McClane undergoes a physical and emotional journey in the scene, facing challenges and making tough decisions.

      Internal Goal: 8

      McClane's internal goal in this scene is likely survival and overcoming the physical and emotional challenges he faces. This reflects his deeper need for self-preservation and his desire to protect others.

      External Goal: 7

      McClane's external goal is to escape the immediate danger and potentially confront the antagonists responsible for the helicopter attack. This goal reflects the challenges he's facing in the scene.


      Scene Elements

      Conflict Level: 9

      The conflict between the protagonist and the antagonist, as well as the external threats, creates a high level of tension and suspense.

      Opposition: 8

      The opposition in the scene is strong, with McClane facing overwhelming odds and constant threats to his survival. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of how he will overcome the challenges.

      High Stakes: 10

      The stakes are incredibly high, with lives on the line and the fate of the protagonist hanging in the balance.

      Story Forward: 9

      The scene propels the story forward towards the climax, resolving some conflicts while setting up new ones.

      Unpredictability: 7

      This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists and turns, such as McClane's near-death experiences and the escalating danger he faces.

      Philosophical Conflict: 6

      The philosophical conflict in this scene could be the juxtaposition of life and death, survival and destruction. McClane's actions and the consequences of the helicopter explosion challenge his beliefs about justice, heroism, and the value of human life.


      Audience Engagement

      Emotional Impact: 8

      The scene evokes strong emotions from the audience, especially with the family photos and the protagonist's struggle.

      Dialogue: 7

      The dialogue is tense and impactful, conveying the emotions and stakes of the scene effectively.

      Engagement: 9

      This scene is engaging because of its high stakes, intense action, and emotional depth. The audience is invested in McClane's survival and the outcome of the helicopter attack.

      Pacing: 9

      The pacing of the scene is expertly crafted, with a balance of action, suspense, and character development that keeps the audience engaged and invested in the outcome.


      Technical Aspect

      Formatting: 8

      The formatting of the scene effectively conveys the chaotic and fast-paced nature of the action, with concise descriptions and clear transitions between locations.

      Structure: 8

      The scene follows the expected structure for an action sequence, building tension, escalating conflict, and providing a resolution that sets up future events.


      Critique
      • Unfortunately, this scene is movie-only and not in the screenplay version of Die Hard, which is what I am reviewing.
      • It doesn't look like the specific scene you provided is in the script.
      • It looks like the scene you provided is from the Die Hard movie but not the screenplay.
      • The script you provided ends at scene 42 and the scene you provided is not in this script.
      Suggestions



        Scene 36 -  Taco Bill and McClane's Frustration
        400 EXT. NAKATOMI 400
        William's battered limo is surrounded by SWAT officers. He
        ( is helped out of the car holding his hands up.

        (CONTINUED)

        A98
        106

        400 CONTINUED: 400

        WILLIAM
        Don't shoot! I'm one of us!
        Taco Bill!
        He sees the TV camera and waves.
        401 INT. 37TH FLOOR - STAIRWELL DOOR - LATER 401
        The stairwell door opens and McClane limps onto the 37th
        floor toward the fort he constructed earlier. He stops at
        a water fountain where he washes away the blood and dirt from
        his leg.
        402 CLOSE - HIS WOUND 402
        A neat hole going through the outside of the thigh and coming
        > out the back. The bleeding has stopped.
        /
        403 INT. HANS' OFFICE 403
        Hans turns his CB to nine and speaks to the radio.
        HANS
        We must find the detonators. Go
        ^ office by office.
        404 37TH FLOOR OFFICE 404
        McClane goes to a desk and opens a drawer, looking for
        something to re-bandage his foot. He finds nothing and
        checks another — still nothing.
        405 ANGLE ON INNER OFFICE 405
        He moves to a desk in an inner office and suddenly spots a
        TV set in the cabinet. Like a stone-age man suddenly placed
        in the twentieth century, he reaches for it cautiously,
        turns it on and watches it dumbly, turning down the volume.
        406 CLOSE ON TV 406
        Images flash by, a compilation of events of the last twelve
        hours. A TV reporter — behind him police barricades.
        Officers in bulletproof vests run hurriedly past him. We SEE
        a night scene with the words: RECORDED EARLIER at the bottom
        of the screen. The image shakes, the TV camera tilts up
        quickly and we SEE the upper floors obscured in a huge cloud
        of smoke — the elevator explosion.
        f\ . (CONTINUED)




        A98
        107

        406 CONTINUED: 406
        Suddenly the TV picture shows a day shot of the same floors
        with the words LIVE printed on the screen. It shows the
        ring of destruction around the middle of the building.
        407 ON MCCLANE 407
        The extent of the damage stuns him.

        MCCLANE
        Jesus...
        He leans forward and turns up the volume.
        TV REPORTER
        ...and then before sunrise, police
        helicopters came over the hills to
        try to protect the desperate policeman
        who says he has killed seven of the
        gang — although only three have been
        accounted for.
        MCCLANE
        (sarcastically)
        I should have taken scalps.
        /S^V,
        Genres: ["Action","Thriller"]

        Summary In this scene, SWAT officers surround William's limo as he identifies himself as 'Taco Bill' to avoid being shot. Meanwhile, McClane returns to the 37th floor, washes his leg, and watches the news coverage of the explosion. He sarcastically remarks about a policeman claiming to have killed seven of the gang, expressing frustration and urgency in the ongoing conflict.
        Strengths
        • Intense action sequences
        • Effective use of tension and suspense
        • Sharp dialogue
        Weaknesses
        • Some cliched elements in the action genre

        Ratings
        Overall

        Overall: 8

        The scene is highly engaging with a good balance of action, tension, and character development.


        Story Content

        Concept: 8

        The concept of a lone hero facing a group of terrorists in a high-stakes situation is well-executed with added tension from the TV broadcast element.

        Plot: 8

        The plot advances significantly with McClane's actions and the escalating conflict with the terrorists.

        Originality: 9

        The scene introduces a fresh take on the action genre with its focus on character development and internal conflict. The dialogue feels authentic and adds depth to the characters.


        Character Development

        Characters: 7

        The characters, especially McClane, show depth and development through their actions and dialogue.

        Character Changes: 7

        McClane undergoes physical and emotional challenges, showcasing his resilience and determination.

        Internal Goal: 8

        McClane's internal goal is to survive and protect others in the face of danger. His deeper need is to prove his worth and courage.

        External Goal: 7

        McClane's external goal is to stop the terrorists and save the hostages. This reflects the immediate challenge he is facing.


        Scene Elements

        Conflict Level: 9

        The conflict between McClane and the terrorists, as well as the internal conflict within McClane, is intense and drives the scene forward.

        Opposition: 8

        The opposition in the scene is strong, with multiple obstacles and challenges that test the protagonist's resolve and resourcefulness.

        High Stakes: 9

        The high stakes of the hostage situation and McClane's mission add urgency and tension to the scene.

        Story Forward: 9

        The scene significantly moves the story forward with key developments and escalating stakes.

        Unpredictability: 7

        This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists and turns in the plot, keeping the audience on the edge of their seats.

        Philosophical Conflict: 6

        The philosophical conflict is between McClane's values of justice and the terrorists' values of violence and power. This challenges McClane's beliefs in law and order.


        Audience Engagement

        Emotional Impact: 7

        The scene evokes tension and concern for the characters' well-being.

        Dialogue: 7

        The dialogue is sharp and helps to reveal character motivations and emotions.

        Engagement: 9

        This scene is engaging because of its fast-paced action, suspenseful atmosphere, and compelling character interactions.

        Pacing: 8

        The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a balance of action sequences and character moments that maintain tension and momentum.


        Technical Aspect

        Formatting: 8

        The scene follows the expected formatting for an action screenplay, with clear scene headings and descriptions.

        Structure: 7

        The scene follows the expected structure for an action thriller, with a clear progression of events and character actions.


        Critique
        • The scene is too long and could be shortened to make it more impactful.
        • The dialogue is not very interesting and could be improved to make the characters more engaging.
        • The action is not very exciting and could be improved to make it more suspenseful.
        • The overall tone of the scene is too dark and could be lightened to make it more enjoyable to watch.
        • The ending of the scene is not very satisfying and could be improved to give the audience a sense of closure.
        Suggestions
        • Shorten the scene by cutting out unnecessary dialogue and action.
        • Improve the dialogue by making the characters more interesting and engaging.
        • Add more suspense to the action by increasing the stakes and making the characters more vulnerable.
        • Lighten the overall tone of the scene by adding some humor or optimism.
        • Give the audience a sense of closure by resolving the conflict in a satisfying way.



        Scene 37 -  McClane Confronts Uli and Discovers Danger to Holly's Children
        408 INT. STAIRWELL 408
        Uli comes down the stairs. Suddenly he hears something and
        presses his ear to the stairwell door.
        409 EXT. POLICE TRAILER - DAWN 409
        Al Powell leaves the operations trailer and moves down the
        sidewalk past the vested SWAT officers and collapses on the
        stoop of a business. He looks and feels like a man who has
        betrayed a friend. A TV news REPORTER spots Powell and moves
        his crew quickly over for an interview.
        410 CLOSE - MCCLANE'S TV 410
        We SEE the reporter approaching Powell.
        411 MCCLANE 411
        Having never seen Powell, McClane ignores the picture until
        he hears:
        REPORTER (ON TV)
        ...Thanks, Jim...This is
        Sergeant Al Powell, pressed into
        service late last night.



        A98
        108
        412 CLOSE ON MCCLANE 412
        This gets his attention. He looks up at the TV.
        REPORTER
        (on TV)
        Sergeant Powell, you've been
        actually talking to the man
        inside, John McClane, haven't
        you?
        413 ON SCREEN 413
        Powell says nothing and begins to move away. The reporter
        and camera follow him.
        REPORTER
        (on TV)
        Can you comment on the speculation
        that he was not adequately warned
        about the attack. Do you feel he
        was sufficiently warned?
        Powell stops. He looks directly into the camera as if
        looking right at McClane.
        POWELL
        (on TV)
        No...And I'll tell you something
        else...he wasn't the only one.
        414 INT. 37TH FLOOR - SAME 414
        A stairwell door opens and Uli, steps out onto the floor. He
        can hear the sound of the television set and moves carefully
        toward the SOUND.
        415 ON MCCLANE 415
        He hears something and pulls out the Beretta. He hits the
        floor of the office and crawls to the doorway and looks out.
        416 HIS P.O.V. 416
        Uli moving toward the office. Drawn by the SOUND of the TV.
        417 MCCLANE 417
        pops out the Beretta's magazine — he's down to his last
        three bullets. He checks his shoulder harness, nothing. He
        lies there thinking for a moment, then rolls back over and
        suddenly focuses on something on the wall just behind the
        terrorist.



        A98
        109

        418 HIS P.O.V. 418
        The plastic explosive he planted by the light switch. He
        takes careful aim.
        MCCLANE
        (softly, to himself)
        Make it count, Johnny boy...
        419 ON THE TV SCREEN - POWELL AND THE REPORTER 419
        REPORTER
        (on TV)
        If you could tell him something
        right now, what would you say?
        420 EXT. STREET - ON POWELL 420

        I POWELL
        I'd just say...hang in there,
        partner and if you can hear me give
        me a sign.
        Suddenly an explosion rips the 37th floor. Powell looks up.
        POWELL
        That'll do.
        421 INT. 37th FLOOR - SAME 421
        McClane moves through the rubble of blown-up desks and finds
        the terrorist's machine gun; his CB hisses nearby.
        422 INT. HANS' OFFICE 422
        For the first time we SEE that Hans is off-balanced. Holly
        watches him. Suddenly the CB comes to life.
        MCCLANE'S VOICE
        (o.s.)
        It's all over Hans, you're down
        to nothing.
        423 EXT. HOLLY'S HOUSE IN SANTA MONICA - SAME 423
        Thornburg's KCBS truck parked in front of Holly's house.
        424 ANGLE ON FRONT DOOR 424
        Thornburg pleads with Holly's housekeeper, Paulina. She
        is scared and Thornburg plays on it.
        ^ ' (CONTINUED)
        110

        424 CONTINUED: 424
        THORNBURG
        (to Paulina)
        One minute, that's all we ask.
        You could be denying them a chance
        to talk to their parents.
        425 INT. 37TH FLOOR - ON MCCLANE - SAME 425
        He slams in a fresh magazine and suddenly stares at the
        television screen.
        426 HIS P.O.V. - HIS CHILDREN 426
        Paulina, near tears, lets the children come to the door. They
        squint into the bright lights.
        j 427 32ND FLOOR - ON HOLLY 427
        seeing the same scene through the door to Hans' office. She
        gasps at the sight of her children.
        Genres: ["Action","Thriller","Drama"]

        Summary In this tense and suspenseful scene, Uli approaches the stairwell door on the 37th floor, causing McClane to take aim at the explosive he planted earlier. An explosion is heard, and McClane finds the terrorist's machine gun. Meanwhile, on TV, Powell reveals that McClane wasn't adequately warned about the attack, causing frustration and anger. The scene ends with McClane finding the machine gun and Holly gasping at the sight of her children on TV, indicating a conflict and danger to them.
        Strengths
        • Intense action sequences
        • Emotional depth
        • Tense atmosphere
        • Sharp dialogue
        Weaknesses
        • Limited ammunition for McClane
        • Some predictable plot developments

        Ratings
        Overall

        Overall: 9

        The scene is highly engaging, filled with tension, action, and emotional depth. It effectively sets up the climax of the film and keeps the audience on the edge of their seats.


        Story Content

        Concept: 9

        The concept of a lone hero facing off against a group of terrorists in a high-rise building is executed with skill and creativity. The use of communication devices like the CB radio and TV adds layers to the scene.

        Plot: 9

        The plot is well-developed, with multiple storylines converging and escalating towards a climactic confrontation. The stakes are high, and the tension keeps rising with each moment.

        Originality: 9

        The scene features a unique take on the action genre with its focus on internal conflict and moral dilemmas. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and engaging.


        Character Development

        Characters: 8

        The characters are well-defined, with McClane as the determined hero, Powell as the supportive ally, and the terrorists as menacing antagonists. Each character's actions drive the plot forward.

        Character Changes: 7

        McClane undergoes physical and emotional challenges, showcasing his resilience and determination. The events of the scene test his limits and force him to make difficult decisions.

        Internal Goal: 8

        McClane's internal goal is to protect the hostages and defeat the terrorists. This reflects his desire to save lives and uphold justice.

        External Goal: 7

        McClane's external goal is to stop the terrorists and save the hostages. This reflects the immediate challenge he is facing in the hostage situation.


        Scene Elements

        Conflict Level: 9

        The conflict is intense and multi-layered, with physical confrontations, emotional dilemmas, and moral choices driving the tension. The clash between McClane and the terrorists creates a palpable sense of danger.

        Opposition: 8

        The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist facing difficult challenges and obstacles.

        High Stakes: 9

        The stakes are incredibly high, with lives on the line, explosive threats, and personal vendettas driving the conflict. The outcome of the scene will have significant consequences for the characters and the overall narrative.

        Story Forward: 9

        The scene propels the story forward towards the climax, resolving some conflicts while setting up new challenges. It reveals key information, escalates the action, and deepens the character dynamics.

        Unpredictability: 7

        This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists and turns in the plot.

        Philosophical Conflict: 6

        The philosophical conflict is between justice and terrorism. McClane's belief in justice is challenged by the terrorists' actions.


        Audience Engagement

        Emotional Impact: 8

        The scene evokes strong emotions, from fear and suspense to relief and empathy. The presence of McClane's children on TV adds a poignant touch, highlighting the personal stakes for the characters.

        Dialogue: 8

        The dialogue is sharp and impactful, conveying the urgency and emotions of the characters. It effectively reveals their motivations and adds depth to the interactions.

        Engagement: 9

        This scene is engaging because of its intense action, suspenseful pacing, and high stakes.

        Pacing: 9

        The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension and suspense gradually.


        Technical Aspect

        Formatting: 8

        The scene follows the expected formatting for an action thriller, with clear descriptions and dialogue.

        Structure: 8

        The scene follows the expected structure for an action thriller, building tension and suspense effectively.


        Critique
        • The scene lacks a clear goal or objective for McClane. He seems to be wandering around without a clear plan.
        • The dialogue is exposition-heavy and doesn't advance the plot or reveal anything new about the characters.
        • The scene is too long and could be shortened without losing any important information.
        • The ending of the scene is anticlimactic and doesn't leave the reader with a sense of suspense or anticipation.
        Suggestions
        • Give McClane a clear goal or objective for the scene. What is he trying to achieve?
        • Rewrite the dialogue to be more natural and to reveal more about the characters.
        • Shorten the scene by cutting out unnecessary dialogue and action.
        • Rewrite the ending of the scene to be more climactic and to leave the reader with a sense of suspense or anticipation.



        Scene 38 -  Hans Interviews Holly's Children; McClane and Holly Reconnect Over CB
        428 INT. HANS' OFFICE - SAME 428
        Hans stares at the children on the TV then looks across the
        room at the family photo on the credenza.
        429 EXT. HOLLY'S HOUSE - ON THORNBURG - MORNING 429
        He now is squatting down with his microphone to interview the
        children. His voice is soft, comforting.
        THORNBURG
        (to the children)
        Is there something you would like
        to say to your mom or dad if they're
        watching.
        John, Jr. says nothing, but Lucy looks at the camera.
        LUCY
        (softly)
        Come home.
        430 INT. 32ND FLOOR - ON HOLLY - SAME 430
        She struggles to fight back tears with no luck. Suddenly the
        door to Hans' office opens. He steps out and looks at Holly
        AS we:
        CUT TO:




        A98
        111

        431 MCCLANE 431
        He stands stunned looking at the TV, as if all the fight has
        suddenly been drained from him. His CB comes to life.
        HANS' VOICE
        Mr. McClane, I have someone who
        wants to talk to you.
        HOLLY'S VOICE
        John!?—
        MCCLANE
        Holly! Are you all right?
        HANS' VOICE
        (o.s.)
        A temporary condition unless you
        listen carefully.
        POWELL'S VOICE
        (o.s.; booming in)
        You touch that woman you son-of-a-bitch
        and —
        MCCLANE
        Let him talk. I'm listening.
        /S3RN,


        HANS' VOICE
        (o.s.)
        It's time to end the game. Put
        the detonators on an elevator and
        send them to the 39th floor. Then
        come down here, unarmed.
        TIME CUT TO:
        432 INT. 33RD FLOOR - MORNING 432
        McClane waits in the elevator corridor for the service
        elevator. The car arrives. He places the kit bag inside,
        punches thirty-nine, and steps back into the corridor.
        433 INT. HANS' OFFICE - SAME 433
        Hans has Holly in his office. She nervously pulls on her
        watchband when suddenly we HEAR McClane*s VOICE on the CB.
        MCCLANE'S VOICE
        (o.s.)
        They're on their way up. I want
        to talk to her.
        (CONTINUED)


        A98
        112

        433 CONTINUED: 433
        /fl^FS\
        HANS
        When you get down here.
        MCCLANE'S VOICE
        (o.s.)
        No. Now.
        Hans hesitates for a moment then hands the CB to Holly who
        takes it with trembling hands.
        HOLLY
        John?
        MCCLANE'S VOICE
        (o.s.)
        Are you okay?
        HOLLY
        I'm scared but, I...I'm not hurt.
        They said, you were dead.
        MCLANE'S VOICE
        (o.s.)
        Don't believe what you hear on TV.
        I need to hear your voice though.
        f0^ My feet are cut and I'm wounded and
        I've got a long way to go. I need
        you to talk to me. Like we use to
        do. Like up at your father's farm
        on Long Island. Remember how we'd
        talk?
        HOLLY
        Yes.
        434 32ND FLOOR - STAIRWELL DOOR - SAME 434
        McClane quietly opens the door to the 32nd floor. It is
        quiet. The hostages are on the other side of the floor.
        MCCLANE
        (to CB)
        I want you to pretend it's just
        us. I've got to hear your voice.
        It's the only way I'll make it...
        Understand? Talk to me.
        He turns down his CB and moves steadily toward the other
        side of the building.
        (** 435 ON HOLLY 435
        She talks calmly into the CB as if she is talking privately
        to McClane.
        A98 (CONTINUED)
        113

        435 CONTINUED:' 435
        HOLLY
        (beat)
        I miss you. I've missed you a
        lot. I found a picture of us the
        other night...all of us...
        Genres: ["Action","Thriller","Drama"]

        Summary Hans, holding Holly captive, speaks to her children through a microphone and asks them if they have anything to say to their parents. Meanwhile, McClane listens in and follows Hans' demands to put detonators on an elevator and send them to the 39th floor. McClane and Holly reassure each other over the CB, creating a private moment amidst the chaos and tension. The scene takes place in Hans' office on the 32nd floor and Holly's house on Thornburg, highlighting the emotional and physical distance between the two characters.
        Strengths
        • Intense negotiation
        • Emotional depth
        • Tense atmosphere
        Weaknesses
        • Some cliched dialogue

        Ratings
        Overall

        Overall: 9

        The scene is intense, emotional, and pivotal to the plot, with high stakes and strong character dynamics.


        Story Content

        Concept: 8

        The concept of a desperate negotiation between the hero and the villain, as well as the emotional connection between McClane and his wife, is well executed.

        Plot: 9

        The plot advances significantly with the negotiation, showcasing the hero's determination and the villain's ruthlessness.

        Originality: 8

        The scene introduces a fresh approach to the familiar hostage situation genre by focusing on the emotional connection between the protagonist and his wife.


        Character Development

        Characters: 9

        The characters are well-developed, with McClane's desperation and love for his wife shining through, and the villain's cold-heartedness adding to the tension.

        Character Changes: 8

        McClane shows vulnerability and determination, while his wife displays strength and fear, leading to character growth.

        Internal Goal: 8

        The protagonist's internal goal is to reconnect with his wife and reassure her of his safety, reflecting his deep love and concern for her.

        External Goal: 7

        The protagonist's external goal is to follow the antagonist's instructions to save his wife and the other hostages.


        Scene Elements

        Conflict Level: 9

        The conflict between McClane and the terrorists, as well as the internal conflict within McClane, is intense and drives the scene forward.

        Opposition: 8

        The opposition in the scene adds complexity and uncertainty to the protagonist's actions, creating suspense and conflict.

        High Stakes: 9

        The stakes are high, with lives on the line and the hero facing tough choices.

        Story Forward: 9

        The scene significantly moves the story forward, setting up the climax and resolution.

        Unpredictability: 8

        This scene is unpredictable due to the shifting power dynamics and emotional revelations between characters.

        Philosophical Conflict: 7

        The philosophical conflict is between the protagonist's desire to protect his loved ones and the antagonist's ruthless actions for personal gain.


        Audience Engagement

        Emotional Impact: 9

        The emotional impact is high, especially in the exchange between McClane and his wife, creating a strong connection with the audience.

        Dialogue: 8

        The dialogue is impactful, especially in the emotional exchange between McClane and his wife, as well as the tense negotiation with the villain.

        Engagement: 9

        This scene is engaging because of its high stakes, emotional depth, and suspenseful pacing that keeps the audience invested in the characters' fates.

        Pacing: 9

        The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and emotional resonance, enhancing the overall impact of the narrative.


        Technical Aspect

        Formatting: 9

        The formatting adheres to the expected format for a suspenseful action scene, enhancing clarity and readability.

        Structure: 9

        The scene follows a well-paced structure that builds tension and emotional stakes effectively.


        Critique
        • The dialogue between McClane and Holly is a bit too sentimental and cliche. It doesn't feel like a natural conversation between two people who are in a life-or-death situation.
        • The scene is too long and drawn out. It could be shortened by cutting out some of the unnecessary dialogue and action.
        • The scene doesn't really advance the plot. It's more of a filler scene that could be cut without losing anything important.
        Suggestions
        • Rewrite the dialogue between McClane and Holly to make it more natural and less sentimental.
        • Shorten the scene by cutting out some of the unnecessary dialogue and action.
        • Add some more tension to the scene by having McClane and Holly face a more immediate threat.



        Scene 39 -  McClane Rescues Hostages as Explosion Rocks 39th Floor
        436 INT. 39TH FLOOR - SAME 436
        The doors to the service elevator open and Karl takes the
        detonators and goes to the safe.
        437 INT. 32ND FLOOR - SAME 437
        McClane moves around the side of the floor. He reaches the
        corner and he can see the hostages. They are sitting on the
        floor. Holly's secretary, Ginny, sitting a few feet away
        from Fritz, the guard, looks up and sees McClane, she
        immediately tries to hide her surprise but Fritz notices
        and looks around the corner.
        438 HIS P.O.V. 438
        The corridor. There is no sign of McClane.
        439 FRITZ 439
        He looks back at Ginny.
        GINNY
        (innocently)
        I must have been seeing things.
        But Fritz doesn't buy it. He goes slowly down the corridor
        where McClane was and looks around the next corner. Fritz
        sees nothing and starts back. As he passes an office an arm
        suddenly reaches out, covers his mouth and pulls him inside.
        440 INT. HANS' OFFICE - ON HOLLY - SAME 440
        She has indeed blocked everything out of her mind but McClane
        as she talks.
        HOLLY
        ...I want us to live together again...
        She watches as Hans loads his Walther. He suddenly becomes
        suspicious that she is doing all the talking and looks up.
        MCCLANE'S VOICE
        (o.s.; softly)
        That's what I want too. I'm almost
        there, honey.
        (CONTINUED)

        A98
        114

        440 CONTINUED: 440
        /s*v HOLLY
        (relieved to
        hear him)
        Let me talk. There's so much I
        wanted to tell you last night but
        I couldn't...
        441 HALLWAY - SAME 441
        McClane steps back into the hallway — a finger to his
        mouth — and motions for her to come. She gets up and
        starts for McClane. The others follow.
        442 INT. 39TH FLOOR - SAME 442
        Karl finishes packing the last detonator and sets the timer.
        Ten seconds. He grabs his gun and leaves.
        I
        / 443 INT. HANS' OFFICE - SAME 443
        Holly talks into the CB. While she talks she notices people
        leaving and casually looks away so that Hans won't notice.
        His back is to the exodus.
        HOLLY
        ^ I love you. Whatever happens,
        ( I love you.
        444 39TH FLOOR 444
        Karl in the hallway. Suddenly, AN EXPLOSION belches smoke
        out of the safe room.
        445 INT.. POLICE TRAILER - SAME 445
        Powell, Robinson, the Johnsons hear the sound over their CB.
        ROBINSON
        What's that?
        446 INT. HOSTAGE FLOOR - SAME 446
        An older WOMAN panics at the sound of the explosion.
        WOMAN
        Oh, God, their going to kill us!
        She becomes hysterical.
        447 HANS' OFFICE 447
        • Hans goes to the door and sees the exodus. He shoots the
        woman then grabs Holly and pushes her out of the office and
        down the opposite corridor.

        A98
        115

        448 MCCLANE 448
        (** sees Hans and Holly moving toward the elevators and aims, but
        he doesn't risk a shot. He starts after them.
        MCCLANE
        (to CB)
        Al?! You've got thirty-five
        people coming down the stairs.
        You've got to occupy this building
        now!
        449 EXT. NAKATOMI - SAME 449
        SWAT officers sprint toward the building. The lead officers
        crash through the front glass doors and rush to the stairwells.
        450 ON POWELL 450
        POWELL
        John, they're on their way up the
        stairs. We want you to keep the
        hostages together till we get there.
        451 ON MCCLANE 451
        moving down the corridor toward the elevators.
        x^>v
        MCCLANE
        No way. He's got my wife.
        452 EXT. ADJACENT ROOF - SAME 452
        A police helicopter takes off from the neighboring building
        and streaks toward the Nakatomi tower. It opens fire on the
        elevator tower.
        453 INT. ELEVATOR 453
        Hans hears the sound of automatic rifle fire overhead. He
        brings up the CB.
        HANS
        I want it known that we still have
        the weapons to knock the helicopters
        out of the sky! Mr. McClane, are
        you there?
        MCCLANE'S VOICE
        Right here.
        HANS
        Your wife will be dead in ten
        seconds unless you listen carefully.



        A98
        116

        454 ON MCCLANE 454
        ( listening.
        HANS' VOICE
        (o.s.)
        Get into the elevator. Come
        unarmed to the 39th floor.
        455 39TH FLOOR - SAFE ROOM 455
        Karl steps into the safe and begins removing stacks of
        documents.
        456 CLOSE ON THE DOCUMENTS 456
        $100,000 TREASURY BONDS. The stacks are enormous.
        Three-four hundred to a stack.
        457 KARL 457
        His CB crackles with Hans' voice.
        HANS* VOICE
        Karl. Helicopters!
        Genres: ["Action","Thriller"]

        Summary In this action-packed scene, McClane attempts to rescue hostages on the 32nd floor while Karl, one of the villains, prepares detonators on the 39th floor. Holly, McClane's wife, is conversing with the main villain, Hans, unaware that McClane is nearby. As Holly starts to move towards McClane, Karl sets off an explosion, causing the police to move in while Hans takes Holly and heads towards the elevators.
        Strengths
        • Intense action
        • Emotional depth
        • Suspenseful pacing
        • High stakes
        • Engaging dialogue
        Weaknesses
        • Some cliched elements
        • Predictable character actions

        Ratings
        Overall

        Overall: 9

        The scene is highly engaging with intense action, emotional depth, and significant plot development.


        Story Content

        Concept: 8

        The concept of a high-stakes hostage situation with a lone hero facing off against a group of terrorists is executed effectively with tension and suspense.

        Plot: 9

        The plot advances significantly with the hero's attempts to save his wife and the escalating conflict with the terrorists.

        Originality: 9

        The scene features a unique situation of a lone hero facing off against a group of terrorists in a high-rise building. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and contribute to the tension.


        Character Development

        Characters: 8

        The characters are well-developed, with emotional depth and clear motivations driving their actions.

        Character Changes: 7

        The characters undergo emotional turmoil and make difficult decisions, showcasing growth and development.

        Internal Goal: 8

        McClane's internal goal is to save his wife and the hostages, reflecting his love for his family and his sense of duty as a police officer.

        External Goal: 7

        McClane's external goal is to stop the terrorists and save the hostages, reflecting the immediate challenge he faces in the hostage situation.


        Scene Elements

        Conflict Level: 9

        The conflict is intense and multi-layered, with high stakes and emotional resonance driving the tension.

        Opposition: 8

        The opposition in the scene is strong, with the terrorists posing a significant threat to McClane and the hostages.

        High Stakes: 9

        The stakes are incredibly high, with lives on the line and the hero facing formidable challenges.

        Story Forward: 9

        The scene significantly moves the story forward with key revelations, escalating tension, and impactful events.

        Unpredictability: 8

        This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists and turns in the hostage situation and McClane's actions.

        Philosophical Conflict: 7

        The philosophical conflict is between the terrorists' ruthless pursuit of their goals and McClane's commitment to justice and protecting innocent lives. This challenges McClane's beliefs in law enforcement and morality.


        Audience Engagement

        Emotional Impact: 9

        The scene evokes strong emotions from the audience through the high-stakes situation, emotional character interactions, and intense action sequences.

        Dialogue: 8

        The dialogue is tense, emotional, and drives the plot forward with impactful exchanges between characters.

        Engagement: 9

        This scene is engaging because of its fast-paced action, high stakes, and emotional moments.

        Pacing: 9

        The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by maintaining tension and keeping the audience engaged.


        Technical Aspect

        Formatting: 8

        The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings and action descriptions.

        Structure: 8

        The scene follows the expected structure for its genre of action thriller, with a clear progression of events and escalating tension.


        Critique
        • The dialogue between McClane and Holly feels forced and unnatural. It's hard to believe that they would be having such a casual conversation in the middle of a hostage situation.
        • The scene lacks tension. There is no sense of danger or urgency, and the characters' actions don't seem to have any real consequences.
        • The scene is too long. It could be cut down by at least a third without losing any of the important information.
        • The scene doesn't advance the plot. It's just a filler scene that doesn't contribute anything to the story.
        • The scene is too predictable. The audience can guess what's going to happen next.
        • The scene is not visually interesting. It's just a bunch of people talking in a room.
        • The scene is not well-written. The dialogue is clunky and the pacing is off.
        Suggestions
        • Rewrite the dialogue between McClane and Holly to make it more natural and believable.
        • Add some tension to the scene by having the characters face some kind of danger or obstacle.
        • Cut down the scene to make it more concise.
        • Add some action to the scene to make it more visually interesting.
        • Rewrite the scene to make it more unpredictable.
        • Add some humor to the scene to make it more engaging.
        • Rewrite the scene to make it more well-written.



        Scene 40 -  Hostage Situation: McClane's Brave Rescue
        458 INT. ELEVATOR TOWER - ROOF - ON HEINZ - SAME 458
        I
        He preps a Stinger missile and looks through the crack in the
        roof door.
        459 HIS P.O.V. 459
        Smoldering debris from the helicopter crash covers the roof.
        Then a quarter mile away he sees the helicopter diving for
        the roof.
        460 INT. ELEVATOR CAR 460
        McClane finishes taping his holster behind his neck. Suddenly
        the doors open, the 37th floor, then close — McClane*s
        buying time.
        HANS' VOICE
        (o.s.)
        I'm waiting, Mr. McClane.
        He slips the Beretta into the hidden holster, then practices
        reaching behind his neck and drawing the gun. It is awkward
        and he tries it again — better. The doors open to the
        38th floor, then close.
        f^ 461 INT. 39TH FLOOR - SAME 461
        Hans positions himself in front of the elevator bank,
        fingering the trigger of his machine gun, waiting.

        A98
        117
        462 KARL 462
        reaches the roof just as Heinz opens the door and lifts the
        Stinger to his shoulder. The chopper opens fire. The rounds
        kick up rooftop-gravel in lines straight to the door, hitting
        Heinz and Karl.
        463 HANS 463
        He hears the HUM of the elevators and braces himself. He
        checks his gun and waits. Suddenly, the far right elevator
        light comes on over the doors and we hear the electronic
        ring. The door opens and Hans opens fire.
        Bullets rip into the brushed aluminum interior, totally
        destroying the car. Hans spends half his clip before he
        realizes the car is empty. The light over the next door
        comes on.
        i
        J Hans slams in another magazine. He moves quickly to that
        door and as the doors open, blasts the inside of that car
        before realizing, that it too is empty. His CB comes to
        life and he hears McClane's. voice.
        MCCLANE'S VOICE
        I thought we had a deal, Hans?
        f* 464 INT. 39TH FLOOR - STAIRWELL DOOR - ON MCCLANE - SAME 464
        He moves from the stairwell onto the 39th floor carefully
        toward the elevator bank where Hans and Holly were. He
        turns the corner and they're gone.
        465 ON MCCLANE 465
        moves carefully up the hallway. Every office doorway is a
        potential ambush.
        MCCLANE
        (to CB)
        Where are you, Hans? I thought
        you were going to meet me?
        HANS' VOICE
        (o.s.)
        You're almost there. I can hear
        you without the radio...Are you
        unarmed?
        McClane turns the corner. We SEE the lighted doorway to the
        safe room.
        MCCLANE
        (to CB)
        That's what you wanted.
        (CONTINUED)
        A98
        118

        465 CONTINUED: 465

        HANS
        Well then let's turn off the .
        radio.
        POWELL'S VOICE
        John no! —
        McClane turns off his radio, cutting Powell off.
        466 POLICE TRAILER - ON POWELL - SAME 466
        and Police TECHNICIANS.
        TECHNICIAN
        We've lost them.
        Powell stares up at the building — helpless.
        ^467 ON THORNBURG 467
        Listening to his car radio as he drives back to Century City.
        He realizes what they've done.
        THORNBURG
        Shit.
        468 EXT. NAKATOMI 468
        William listening with police. When he realizes they're off
        the air, he looks up and says a little prayer.
        469 INT. ANTEROOM - SAFE ROOM - ON HANS - SAME 469
        He carefully lays his radio on the boardroom table so as not
        to make a noise and motions Holly up with the end of his
        Walther.
        470 HALLWAY 470
        McClane reaches the doorway to the anteroom.
        MCCLANE
        I'm here, Hans.
        HANS
        (o.s.; from the
        office)
        Come in. Hands in the air.
        McClane puts his hands on his head, steps into the doorway.
        /$Wt!i\




        A98
        119

        471 HIS P.O.V. 471
        Hans stands in front of the window his arm around Holly's
        neck. He holds her in front of him like a shield. Holly
        gasps at the grizzily sight of her husband.
        472 MCCLANE 472
        MCCLANE
        I'm all right, babe.
        (to Hans)
        Let her go. You don't need her
        now.
        HANS
        Very noble, Mr. McClane. But
        you're of no practical use to
        me now...you're practically a
        corpse already.
        McClane looks at the Bearer's Bonds on the table. He looks
        back at Hans.
        MCCLANE
        You know I always had my doubts
        about you, Hans.
        HANS
        The cop in you, no doubt. Well,
        it's been a long night, Mr. McClane,
        but killing you and your wife should
        make it all worthwhile.
        He pulls back the hammer and presses the barrel into Holly's
        neck.
        MCCLANE
        Me first, then.
        Hans hesitates, then smiles. He removes the gun from Holly's
        neck and aims at McClane.
        HANS
        Any other requests?
        MCCLANE
        I want to say something to my
        wife.
        HANS
        Touching.
        McClane looks directly at Holly, they lock eyes.
        (CONTINUED)


        A98
        120

        472 CONTINUED: 472
        MCCLANE
        Now!
        She bumps Hans hand with the gun and McClane draws the
        Beretta over his shoulder and fires — hitting Hans in the
        right nipple. The bullet goes clean through him, starring
        the window behind him. He looks at McClane increduously.
        MCCLANE
        Out of the way, Holly!
        She tries to break free but Hans pulls her back in front of
        him. Slowly he raises the gun to her neck. She squirms
        against the terrorist, trying to break away but the barrel
        presses against her throat. McClane aims again and fires,
        hitting Hans in the shoulder.
        The jolt knocks Hans backward against the window. He
        releases Holly's neck and his hand slides down her arm as
        the glass starts to give way behind him — his fingers
        running down her arm until one finds a grip in Holly's
        watchband and pulls her into the gaping window with him.
        McClane drops his gun and lunges for his wife, grabbing
        Holly's other arm just as she falls. For a moment McClane
        holds them all but Hans' weight slowly begins to weaken
        him. His hold on Holly starts to slip.
        McClane braces himself against the window frame and strains
        to reach Holly's watchband. His muscles quiver, his hand
        almost there when we SEE Hans slowly bring his pistol up
        from his side and aim at McClane.
        Holly sees him and screams. Hans' hand trembles. He locks
        eyes with McClane one last time, starts to pull the trigger,
        as McClane releases the watchband. Hans' face registers his
        horror as he and the watch suddenly drop. We listen to his
        scream all the way down.
        McClane pulls Holly back into the room and holds her.
        MCCLANE
        It's okay, babe. It's okay.
        He looks down at Hans' body, then back at Holly.
        MCCLANE
        Hey, I've got to get you a
        new watch.
        Genres: ["Action","Thriller"]

        Summary On the roof of the Nakatomi building, Heinze readies a Stinger missile as a helicopter approaches. Inside, McClane practices drawing his gun while Hans, armed, waits in the 39th floor lobby, firing at empty elevator cars. McClane turns off his radio and moves towards the elevator bank where Hans and Holly are. Hans takes Holly as a shield and points his gun at McClane, who then shoots Hans, causing them both to fall out of a window. This intense and action-packed scene is filled with conflict as McClane faces off with Hans and Karl, and Holly is taken as a hostage.
        Strengths
        • Intense action sequences
        • Emotional depth
        • Character development
        • Tense dialogue
        Weaknesses
        • Some cliched moments
        • Predictable outcome in some aspects

        Ratings
        Overall

        Overall: 9

        The scene is a climactic moment in the film, filled with tension, action, and emotional depth. It effectively resolves multiple storylines and delivers a satisfying conclusion.


        Story Content

        Concept: 8

        The concept of a final showdown between the hero and the villain is executed well, with clever twists and high stakes keeping the audience engaged.

        Plot: 9

        The plot is tightly woven, with multiple threads coming together in a thrilling climax. The resolution of conflicts and the progression of the story are well-paced and satisfying.

        Originality: 8

        The scene features a fresh approach to the classic hero vs. villain confrontation, with unexpected twists and emotional depth in the characters' interactions.


        Character Development

        Characters: 9

        The characters, especially John McClane and Hans, show depth and development in this scene. Their actions and dialogue reveal their motivations and drive the conflict forward.

        Character Changes: 9

        Both John McClane and Hans undergo significant changes in this scene, with McClane's determination and heroism shining through, while Hans faces his downfall.

        Internal Goal: 8

        The protagonist's internal goal is to protect his wife and defeat the antagonist. This reflects his deeper need for redemption, to prove himself as a capable and heroic figure.

        External Goal: 7

        The protagonist's external goal is to stop the antagonist from harming his wife and to survive the dangerous situation he is in. This reflects the immediate challenge of facing a well-armed terrorist.


        Scene Elements

        Conflict Level: 9

        The conflict between John McClane and Hans reaches its peak in this scene, with high stakes and intense action driving the tension.

        Opposition: 8

        The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist facing a formidable antagonist and difficult choices that challenge his beliefs and values.

        High Stakes: 9

        The stakes are incredibly high in this scene, with the lives of multiple characters hanging in the balance and the fate of the entire situation at stake.

        Story Forward: 9

        The scene propels the story forward towards its climax, resolving key conflicts and setting up the final act.

        Unpredictability: 8

        This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists in the protagonist's actions and the antagonist's reactions, keeping the audience guessing about the outcome.

        Philosophical Conflict: 9

        The philosophical conflict is between the protagonist's belief in justice and the antagonist's disregard for human life. This challenges the protagonist's values and morals, as he must make difficult decisions to protect his loved ones.


        Audience Engagement

        Emotional Impact: 9

        The emotional impact of the scene is significant, with moments of fear, relief, and determination resonating with the audience.

        Dialogue: 8

        The dialogue is sharp and impactful, revealing the tension between the characters and driving the emotional beats of the scene.

        Engagement: 9

        This scene is engaging because of its high stakes, emotional conflict, and intense action sequences that keep the audience on the edge of their seats.

        Pacing: 9

        The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension and suspense gradually, leading to a climactic resolution that satisfies the audience.


        Technical Aspect

        Formatting: 8

        The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character actions.

        Structure: 9

        The scene follows a well-paced and structured format, building tension and suspense effectively towards the climax.


        Critique
        • The scene is well-written and suspenseful. It builds on the tension from the previous scene and keeps the reader engaged.
        • The dialogue is natural and believable, and the characters are well-developed.
        • The action is well-paced and exciting, and the ending is satisfying.
        Suggestions
        • One suggestion would be to add more detail to the setting. For example, you could describe the room where the scene takes place, or the weather outside.
        • Another suggestion would be to add more character development. For example, you could give the reader more insights into McClane's thoughts and feelings.
        • Finally, you could consider adding more conflict to the scene. For example, you could have McClane and Hans face off in a more intense confrontation.



        Scene 41 -  McClane and Holly's Escape Turns Tense as Karl Appears
        473 EXT. POLICE TRAILER - ON POWELL - SAME 473
        He stands looking worriedly up at the building, when
        suddenly his CB comes to life.
        A98 (CONTINUED)
        121

        473 CONTINUED: 473
        SWAT LEADER'S VOICE
        (voice over)
        This is SWAT commander four...We
        have McClane and his wife. We're
        bringing them down the service
        elevator.
        POWELL
        (to CB)
        Roger... Thank you, Lord.
        474 ON WILLIAM - SAME 474
        WILLIAM
        Amen.
        475 INT. KCBS MOBILE UNIT - MORNING 475
        }
        Thornburg's unit stuck in traffic ten blocks from the
        Nakatomi building. HORNS BLARE all around the truck.
        Thornburg is going crazy not being at the building. He
        can feel his Emmy slipping away.
        THORNBURG
        C'mon, goddamnit. What is this,
        an accident?
        (suddenly realizing)
        No. Don't tell me, it's over...
        It's over and I missed it! Shit!
        476 THE EMPTY LOBBY 476
        The doors to the service elevator opens McClane leaning on
        Holly on one side and the SWAT leader on the other moves
        steadily across the cold marble floor to the front door and
        steps:
        477 OUTSIDE 477
        into a blaze of television lights. The entire front of
        the building is packed with reporters and TV cameras. Amid
        shouts of "There he is!" the media surges into the police
        line ringing the steps. McClane ignores their shouted
        questions and pushes forward down the steps with something
        else on his mind.
        MCCLANE
        (calling out)
        Al?!
        At first there is no answer, then we SEE Powell moving
        through the press, his hand on the butt of his .38.
        (CONTINUED)

        A98
        122

        477 CONTINUED: 477
        /S*s
        McClane stops at the base of the steps and stares at him,
        then offers the cop his hand.
        MCCLANE
        You know it's going to be hard
        to go back to that desk.
        POWELL
        (a touch of
        a grin)
        No lie.
        (to Holly)
        You okay?
        She nods weakly. Just then Robinson moves toward them
        through the group.
        I ROBINSON
        /
        We're going to have to ask you
        some questions, McClane. The
        damage to that building,
        Mr. Ellis' shooting. To be
        real honest —
        MCCLANE
        Shut up, Dwayne.
        Before Robinson can protest, a SCREAM causes McClane to
        turn.
        478 HIS P.O.V. 478
        There in the doorway is Karl. Easily as crusted in dirt
        and blood as McClane, he holds an M-5 machine gun.
        Genres: ["Action","Thriller","Drama"]

        Summary John McClane and Holly are safely escorted out of the Nakatomi building by the SWAT team, but their relief is short-lived as they are met with a crowd of reporters and TV cameras. McClane finds his friend Powell in the crowd and they shake hands, with McClane commenting that it will be hard to return to his desk. However, the tension quickly rises when Karl appears in the doorway with an M-5 machine gun, creating a conflict for McClane and the others.
        Strengths
        • Intense action sequences
        • Emotional depth
        • Sharp dialogue
        • Character dynamics
        Weaknesses
        • Some cliched moments
        • Predictable plot twists

        Ratings
        Overall

        Overall: 9

        The scene is highly engaging, filled with tension, action, and emotional stakes. It effectively sets up the final confrontation between McClane and Karl, while also addressing the aftermath of the hostage situation. The dialogue is sharp and impactful, and the character dynamics are well-developed.


        Story Content

        Concept: 9

        The concept of the scene revolves around the resolution of the hostage crisis at Nakatomi Plaza, with a focus on McClane's efforts to protect his wife and confront the remaining villain. The scene effectively combines action, drama, and suspense to create a compelling narrative.

        Plot: 9

        The plot of the scene advances the overall story by resolving the immediate threat to the hostages and setting up the final confrontation between McClane and Karl. It also addresses the consequences of the events that have unfolded so far, adding depth to the narrative.

        Originality: 9

        The scene introduces a fresh approach to the action genre by focusing on the protagonist's internal struggles and moral dilemmas amidst a high-stakes situation. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and engaging.


        Character Development

        Characters: 8

        The characters in the scene, particularly McClane, Karl, and Powell, are well-developed and drive the emotional core of the story. Their interactions and decisions shape the outcome of the scene and add layers to their personalities.

        Character Changes: 7

        McClane undergoes a transformation in the scene, from a weary and injured hero to a determined and focused fighter. His interactions with Karl, Powell, and Holly reveal different facets of his character and drive his growth throughout the scene.

        Internal Goal: 8

        The protagonist's internal goal is to ensure the safety of his wife and himself while dealing with the escalating situation at the Nakatomi building. This reflects his deeper need for protection and security.

        External Goal: 7

        The protagonist's external goal is to confront the antagonist, Karl, who appears with a machine gun in the doorway. This reflects the immediate challenge he faces in ensuring the safety of himself and his wife.


        Scene Elements

        Conflict Level: 9

        The conflict in the scene is intense and multi-layered, with physical confrontations, emotional stakes, and moral dilemmas driving the narrative forward. The clash between McClane and Karl, as well as the external pressures from the media and police, heighten the tension and suspense.

        Opposition: 8

        The opposition in the scene is strong, with the sudden appearance of the antagonist, Karl, posing a significant threat to the protagonist and his wife. The audience is left unsure of how the situation will unfold.

        High Stakes: 9

        The stakes are high in the scene, as McClane fights to protect his wife, confront the remaining villain, and navigate the chaos surrounding the building. The risk of failure, loss, and further violence adds urgency and tension to the narrative.

        Story Forward: 9

        The scene moves the story forward significantly, resolving the immediate threat to the hostages, setting up the final confrontation, and addressing the aftermath of the hostage crisis. It paves the way for the climax of the narrative and builds anticipation for the resolution.

        Unpredictability: 7

        This scene is unpredictable because of the sudden appearance of the antagonist, Karl, with a machine gun, adding a new layer of danger and suspense to the narrative.

        Philosophical Conflict: 6

        The philosophical conflict in this scene is the protagonist's sense of duty and responsibility conflicting with the chaos and danger surrounding him. This challenges his beliefs in law enforcement and personal safety.


        Audience Engagement

        Emotional Impact: 8

        The scene has a high emotional impact, as the characters face life-threatening situations, make difficult choices, and confront their fears and vulnerabilities. The audience is emotionally invested in the outcome of the conflict and the characters' fates.

        Dialogue: 8

        The dialogue in the scene is sharp, impactful, and reveals the characters' motivations and emotions effectively. It drives the tension and conflict forward, adding depth to the interactions between the characters.

        Engagement: 9

        This scene is engaging because of its fast-paced action, dramatic dialogue, and high stakes. The audience is drawn into the tension and suspense of the situation.

        Pacing: 9

        The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a balance of action and dialogue that keeps the audience engaged. The rhythm of the scene contributes to its effectiveness.


        Technical Aspect

        Formatting: 8

        The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character actions. The dialogue is well-written and adds to the tension.

        Structure: 8

        The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm contribute to its effectiveness.


        Critique
        • The scene is too short and doesn't give the reader enough time to connect with the characters or the situation.
        • The dialogue is stilted and unnatural, and it doesn't do a good job of conveying the characters' emotions or motivations.
        • The action is confusing and hard to follow, and it doesn't do a good job of building suspense or excitement.
        • The ending of the scene is abrupt and unsatisfying, and it leaves the reader feeling like they've been cheated.
        Suggestions
        • Expand the scene and give the reader more time to connect with the characters and the situation.
        • Rewrite the dialogue to make it more natural and engaging, and to better convey the characters' emotions and motivations.
        • Simplify the action and make it easier to follow, and use it to build suspense and excitement.
        • Rewrite the ending of the scene to make it more satisfying and to give the reader a sense of closure.



        Scene 42 -  Escape from the Nakatomi Building
        479 EXT. NAKATOMI (FRONT STEPS) - SAME 479
        As the press panics trying to escape, Karl locks eyes with
        McClane and levels his gun. McClane throws Holly to the
        ground and grabs the dumbstruck Robinson's sidearm. But
        he doesn't get off a shot — a lone gunshot stops Karl —
        knocking him back through the doorway. McClane looks back
        to see Powell still sighting down the barrel of his .38.
        His hands rock steady. He sees McClane's look.
        POWELL
        I owed you one.
        They smile and McClane leans on Holly as William's battered
        black limo backs up to them. The window rolls down and
        inside we SEE William and the stuffed animal. •
        (CONTINUED)

        A98
        123

        479 CONTINUED: 479
        /$Z\
        WILLIAM
        My friend here thinks you better
        get in if you want to make it
        home before New Years.
        McClane grins AS we:
        FADE OUT
        THE END




        r.
        A98
        Twentieth Century Fox SCRIPT DEPARTMENT
        1020V W. Pico Boulevard, Los Angeles, CA 90035
        Telephone: (213)203-2494
        Genres: ["Action","Thriller"]

        Summary As the press panics, McClane disarms Karl with the help of Powell's shot. With the main conflict resolved, McClane shares a moment with Powell before accepting a ride home from William. The scene ends with McClane leaving the Nakatomi building and driving away with Holly, bringing a sense of relief and closure.
        Strengths
        • Intense action sequences
        • Emotionally resonant moments
        • Complex character dynamics
        Weaknesses
        • Some cliched dialogue
        • Predictable plot twists

        Ratings
        Overall

        Overall: 9

        The scene is action-packed, emotionally charged, and full of suspense, keeping the audience engaged throughout.


        Story Content

        Concept: 8

        The concept of a lone hero facing off against a group of terrorists in a high-rise building is well-executed, with added elements of personal stakes and redemption.

        Plot: 9

        The plot is tightly woven with multiple storylines converging in a climactic showdown, leading to a satisfying resolution.

        Originality: 9

        The scene features a fresh approach to the action genre, with unexpected twists and character dynamics. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


        Character Development

        Characters: 8

        The characters are well-developed, with complex motivations and relationships that drive the action forward.

        Character Changes: 7

        McClane undergoes a transformation from a reluctant hero to a determined savior, while other characters experience shifts in their loyalties and motivations.

        Internal Goal: 8

        The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to protect his wife and survive the dangerous situation. This reflects his deeper need for connection and safety, as well as his fear of losing loved ones.

        External Goal: 7

        The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to defeat the antagonist and escape the building safely. This reflects the immediate circumstances of the standoff and the challenges he's facing in a life-threatening situation.


        Scene Elements

        Conflict Level: 9

        The conflict between McClane and the terrorists, as well as the internal conflicts faced by the characters, create a high level of tension and suspense.

        Opposition: 8

        The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist facing a life-threatening situation and a formidable antagonist.

        High Stakes: 9

        The high stakes of the rescue mission, the personal relationships at risk, and the threat of violence raise the tension and keep the audience invested.

        Story Forward: 9

        The scene propels the story forward with significant developments, resolutions, and revelations.

        Unpredictability: 8

        This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected intervention of Powell and the resolution of the standoff in a surprising way.

        Philosophical Conflict: 7

        The philosophical conflict in this scene is between the values of loyalty and duty. Powell's sense of duty to protect McClane clashes with Karl's loyalty to his cause. This challenges McClane's beliefs about justice and sacrifice.


        Audience Engagement

        Emotional Impact: 8

        The emotional moments between characters, especially McClane and Holly, resonate with the audience and add depth to the action.

        Dialogue: 7

        The dialogue is sharp and impactful, conveying the tension and emotions of the scene effectively.

        Engagement: 9

        This scene is engaging because of its high stakes, fast-paced action, and emotional moments between characters.

        Pacing: 9

        The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension, delivering action beats, and allowing for character moments to shine.


        Technical Aspect

        Formatting: 8

        The formatting of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear action descriptions and dialogue cues.

        Structure: 8

        The structure of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with a buildup of tension, a climax of action, and a resolution of the conflict.


        Critique
        • The scene is too short and doesn't give the reader enough time to process what's happening.
        • The action is too fast-paced and it's hard to follow what's going on.
        • The dialogue could be more natural and the characters could be more developed.
        Suggestions
        • Add more dialogue to the scene so that the reader can get to know the characters better.
        • Slow down the action so that the reader can follow what's happening.
        • Add more details to the setting so that the reader can visualize where the scene is taking place.
        • Consider adding a twist to the scene to make it more surprising.