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Scene 1 -  Die Hard - Opening Scene
  • Overall: 7.0
  • Concept: 5
  • Plot: 6
  • Characters: 7
  • Dialogue: 7
( i




"DIE HARD"



Screenplay
by


Jeb Stuart

/JR»S,



based on the novel

Nothing Lasts Forever

by

Roderick Thorp




SECOND REVISED DRAFT
October 2, 1987

A Gordon Company/Silver Pictures Production
"DIE HARD"
FADE IN
405 FREEWAY - LOS ANGELES - EARLY EVENING 1
Christmas tinsel on the light poles. We ARE LOOKING east
past Inglewood INTO the orange grid of L.A. at night when
suddenly we TILT UP TO CATCH the huge belly of a landing
747 — the noise is deafening.
INT. 747 - PASSENGERS - SAME 2
The usual moment just after landing when you let out that
sigh of relief that you've made it in one piece.
ON JOHN MCCLANE 3
mid-thirties, good-looking, athletic and tired from his trip.
He sits by the window. His relief on landing is subtle but
we notice. Suddenly, he hears a voice next to him.
MAN'S VOICE
(o.s.)
J^W!fc'"S Don't fly much do you?
McClane looks over at a grinning middle-aged BUSINESSMAN
sitting next to him.
MCCLANE
No.
BUSINESSMAN
Want to know the secret of
surviving air travel?...Take off
your shoes and socks when you get
where you're going and walk
around ten minutes barefoot.
Better than a shower and a cup
of coffee...
MCCLANE
(warily)
Thanks... I'11 remember that.
The Businessman picks up on McClane's scepticism and takes
it as a challenge. His salesman's smile broadens.
BUSINESSMAN
You think I'm crazy don't you?
Trust me. I've been a salesman
for twenty years. I know what
I'm talking about.
(CONTINUED)
A98
CONTINUED: 3
/0s**..
The Businessman oozes confidence. McClane reaches up to help
a woman down with her bags and the butt of his Beretta
handgun suddenly becomes visible to the Businessman. The
man blanches at the sight and McClane notices the look.
He's seen it before.
MCCLANE
It's okay...I'm a cop.
We SEE this doesn't totally calm the Businessman. McClane
holds his look and produces a gold NYPD Detective's shield.
MCCLANE
(firm and
definite)
Trust me. I've been doing it
for thirteen years.
Genres: ["Action","Thriller"]

Summary John McClane, a police officer, lands in Los Angeles, and strikes up a conversation with a fellow passenger.
Strengths "Interesting dialogue and setting up the tone for the thriller"
Weaknesses "Slow pace and no real action"
Critique Overall, this scene does a good job of introducing the main character, John McClane, in a way that is interesting and sets up his skills and personality. The dialogue is mostly natural and flows well, and there is a good balance between showing and telling.

However, there are a few areas that could be improved. Firstly, the description of the setting could use a bit more visual detail to really bring it to life. Secondly, the conversation between McClane and the Businessman, while entertaining, feels a bit too expositional and on-the-nose in terms of setting up McClane as a cop. It might have been more effective to show this through his actions or have it come out more naturally in conversation. Finally, the dialogue in the scene could benefit from some more subtext and nuance to add depth to the characters and make the conversation more compelling.
Suggestions Overall, this scene seems to be setting up John McClane as the protagonist and establishing his character as a no-nonsense cop. However, there are a few ways this scene could be improved:

1. Show, don't tell. Right now, we're being told that McClane is tired from his trip and that he's a cop. It would be more effective to show him exhibiting traits that indicate he's a cop, or to have other characters refer to him as such in dialogue that feels more natural.

2. Make the dialogue feel more authentic. The conversation between McClane and the Businessman feels a bit forced and on-the-nose. It might be more effective to have them talk about something that's not related to the plot, but that reveals more about their characters.

3. Increase the tension. Right now, there's not much conflict in this scene. McClane shows his badge and the Businessman backs down. It would be more engaging if there was some sort of obstacle that McClane had to overcome, even if it's something small.

4. Find a way to make the scene more visually interesting. Right now, it's just two people sitting on a plane and talking. Maybe there's a way to incorporate some interesting camera angles or lighting that make the scene more dynamic.



Scene 2 -  The Nakatomi Building
  • Overall: 7.0
  • Concept: 7
  • Plot: 6
  • Characters: 7
  • Dialogue: 6
INT. THE NAKATOMI BUILDING (LOS ANGELES) - EVENING 4
CLOSE ON A bottle of Dom Perignon as the cork explodes across
a large office floor decorated for Christmas. A Japanese
man, mid-fifties standing on a desk holds up the bottle
triumphantly and looks out at an adoring audience of junior
executives and office personnel. He is JOSEPH TAKAGI,
Sr. V.P. of Sales for Nakatomi, a multinational corporation.
TAKAGI
Ladies and gentlemen...1
congratulate each and every one
of you for making this one of
the greatest days in the history
of the Nakatomi corporation...
In the b.g., obviously still at work, an attractive
BUSINESSWOMAN in her mid-thirties, studying a computer
printout, heads toward her office. Falling into step with
her is HARRY ELLIS, thirty-seven, V.P. of Sales. Well-dressed,
with stylish, slicked-back hair, he looks and acts very
smooth.
ELLIS
What about dinner?
WOMAN (HOLLY)
Do you ever look at the calendar,
Harry? Christmas Eve...Santa*s
arriving...Family...Those things
ring a bell?
She turns into:



A98
3

HER OFFICE 5
Her name is HOLLY GENNARO MCCLANE, though the nameplate on
her door stops after the first two. She puts the printout
down on her secretary's desk.
HOLLY
(to her secretary)
Go on out, Ginny, they're opening
the champagne.
GINNY
(grateful to be
released)
Thanks Ms. Gennaro.
Ginny passes Ellis in the doorway as Holly punches a number
on the phone.
I ELLIS
' (not giving up)
How about tomorrow night?
HOLLY
(dryly)
Worse.
Just then the party on Holly's phone picks up and WE:
INTERCUT:
6 INT. NICE HOUSE IN SANTA MONICA 6
where a four-year-old girl, LUCY MCCLANE, answers the phone
with a sense of importance.
LUCY
Hello, this is Lucy McClane.
Holly suddenly smiles. It is the first time we've seen her
smile and it speaks volumes about the person hidden under a
tough business exterior.
HOLLY
(with affection)
Hello, Lucy McClane. This is
your mother.
She looks up and watches Ellis leave.
LUCY
/fH^s
Mommy! When are you coming home?!
(CONTINUED)



A98
4
CONTINUED: 6
J^*>*

HOLLY
Soon. You'll be in bed when
I get there, though.
LUCY
Will you come say 'good night'?
HOLLY
Don't I always, you goose?
(enjoys her
daughter's giggle
over the line)
May I speak with Paulina, please?
Lucy hands the phone to a young Salvadorian woman, PAULINA,
the housekeeper.
PAULINA
Hello, Ms. Holly. You coming
home soon?
HOLLY
Hopefully.
(beat)
Mr. McClane didn't call, did he?
PAULINA
No ma'am.
Holly hides a trace of disappointment.
HOLLY
Maybe that means he got a flight.
Why don't you make up the bed in
the spare room, just in case.
PAULINA
(smiling)
Yes ma'am, I already did.
Holly's smile comes through again.
INT. LAX - EVENING 7
McClan^-r^earing TBTs-sWool topcoat and carrying a huge
FAg^chwartz stuffep. animal and his hangup bag, comes down
ramp with the Businessman from the

BUSINESSMAN
Remember...bare feet, ten minutes.
Merry Christmas.
(CONTINUED)

A98
CONTINUED: 7
MCCLANE
Yeah...Merry Christmas...
The Businessman moves down the ramp and is lovingly greeted
by his family. McClane watches, moved by the sight, then
looks around the waiting area, just on the chance his family
might be waiting. Instead he spots a thin, gangling, black
kid, WILLIAM, in an ill-fitting chaufeur's uniform. As he
waits he beats «out a rhythm on a card with J. McCLANE printed
on it. McClane pauses in front of him.
MCCLANE
I'm John McClane.
WILLIAM
William, Sir...I'm your limo
driver. Nice bag.
He turns and starts walking.
MCCLANE
Don't you take this?
WILLIAM
(stops)
Do I?
MCCLANE
Hell, I don't know. I've never
been picked up by a limo before.
William takes McClane's bag.
WILLIAM
Hey, that's good...'cause I've
never driven one before.
CUT TO:
Genres: ["Action","Thriller"]

Summary John McClane lands in Los Angeles and is greeted by his limo driver, William. Meanwhile, employees at the Nakatomi corporation celebrate Christmas Eve.
Strengths
  • Establishes setting and characters effectively
  • Tension is introduced with Holly and Harry's interaction
  • John McClane is introduced in an interesting way
Weaknesses
  • Not much conflict present
  • Dialogue could be stronger
Critique Overall, this scene sets up the characters and their relationships well, but there are a few areas that could be improved from a screenwriting perspective.

Firstly, the scene could benefit from more specific and visual descriptions. For example, instead of simply saying "she turns into her office," there could be a description of the office itself and how it appears on screen. This helps to create a more vivid setting for the audience.

Additionally, there could be more action and movement within the scene to make it more engaging visually. While there is some movement, such as Holly putting down a printout and making a phone call, there could be more dynamic action to break up the dialogue and keep the scene from feeling stagnant.

Lastly, while the dialogue is naturalistic and helps to establish the characters' personalities, there is room to make it more compelling. Adding more subtext and tension to the conversation between Holly and Ellis, for example, could make the scene more interesting and help to build anticipation for what is to come.

Overall, the scene has good bones but could benefit from more attention paid to visual and dialogue details to make it more engaging for the audience.
Suggestions Overall, the scene sets up the characters and their relationships well, but there are a few areas that could be improved:

1. The dialogue between Ellis and Holly feels clichéd and predictable. It might be more interesting if their banter had a little more edge, or if Holly shut it down more decisively.

2. The reveal of Holly's daughter over the phone feels a little too on-the-nose in terms of showing Holly's softer side. It might be more effective to hint at this aspect of her character earlier in the scene, rather than relying on a single phone call.

3. The dialogue between McClane and William also feels a little forced. It might be more natural for McClane to express his uncertainty about taking a limo ride earlier in the conversation with William.

Overall, these are relatively minor quibbles, and the scene does a good job of establishing the characters and their situations. One possible direction to take the scene would be to make the dialogue more nuanced and less reliant on clichés, while still maintaining a sense of humor and energy.



Scene 3 -  The Ride to Nakatomi
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 7
  • Plot: 6
  • Characters: 9
  • Dialogue: 8
INT. LIMOUSINE - DUSK 8
McClane and William both sit in the front seat as the black
limo turns off the Santa Monica Freeway and heads north
toward Century City. The huge toy animal sits in the backseat.
McClane hears a rustling at his feet and looks down
to see a bunch of fast food wrappers. Picks one up — it
says Taco Bell — and looks at William who grins sheepishly.
WILLIAM
What can I say, man? I didn't
<T expect you to sit up front.
(CONTINUED)


A98
6
8 CONTINUED: 8
f* WILLIAM (Cont.)
(popping in a
cassette)
Mind if I play some tunes?
A hard RAP SONG blasts from the speakers.
MCCLANE
How 'bout some Christmas music?
WILLIAM
That is Christmas music.
McClane gives up and grins, tosses the wrapper back on the
floor and looks out the window.
9 HIS P.O.V. 9
Convertibles with Christmas trees in their backseats,
Time/Temperature signs which read: 69°, and palm trees
trimmed in Christmas lights — it is clear that Christmas
L.A. style is a foreign commodity he could live happily
without.
WILLIAM
f* (to the animal
• in the back)
You know, you're stocked backed
there. We got CD, CB, TV, phone,
full bar. I even know a couple
of Teddy Bears...
(to McClane)
...Or is he married?
MCCLANE
Married.
WILLIAM
She live out here?
MCCLANE
As of six months ago.
WILLIAM
And you live in New York?
MCCLANE
You're nosey, you know that,
William?
f^ WILLIAM
Hey, I'm sorry. I got to quit
doing that, you know.
(CONTINUED)
A98
7

3 CONTINUED: 9
MCCLANE
That's okay.
WILLIAM
So, you divorced or what?
McClane gives up.
MCCLANE
She had a good job, it turned
into a great career.
WILLIAM
But meant her moving here.
MCCLANE
You're fast.
I
/ WILLIAM
So, why didn't you come?
MCCLANE
'Cause I'm a New York cop not an
IBM salesman. I don't just get up
and move.
WILLIAM
(to the point)
And you didn't think she'd make
it here?
McClane grins, he likes William even if he is direct.
MCCLANE
You're fast, William.
10 INT. LOS ANGELES POLICE STATION - NIGHT 10
A miniature Christmas tree with blinking lights sits on a
desk of SERGEANT AL POWELL, thirties, a man who's had enough
experience to know how bad it can be out there. He speaks
in low tones to the telephone.
POWELL
(defensively)
Yeah, yeah, honey, don't go
crazy —
(listening, then)
— I know you're pregnant. I know
you get cravings. I didn't say I
wouldn't buy *em, I just said I wish
you'd buy *em in big boxes...
(CONTINUED)

A98
8
Genres: ["Action","Comedy"]

Summary John McClane takes a limo ride to the Nakatomi Corporation building while conversing with his driver William. Meanwhile, the employees of Nakatomi Corporation celebrate Christmas Eve.
Strengths
  • Humorous banter between John McClane and William adds character development and sets the lighthearted tone
  • Establishes the Christmas setting in Los Angeles
Weaknesses
  • Little plot progression or tension
  • Limited emotional impact
Critique As a screenwriting AI language model, I can offer several critiques for the following scene:

1. Lack of clarity in character introduction: The scene starts without a clear introduction to who McClane and William are or what their relationship is. It's important to establish the characters and their relationship early on, so the audience can become invested in them.

2. Weak dialogue: The dialogue lacks depth and substance, with characters engaging in small talk that doesn't add much to the story. For example, McClane asking for Christmas music and William responding that the rap song is Christmas music, feels superficial.

3. Lack of conflict: The scene doesn't have any significant conflict or tension. There are no stakes involved, and the conversation doesn't move the story forward in any meaningful way.

4. Little attention given to setting: While the setting is supposed to be Los Angeles, it's not getting the attention it deserves. The scene could be taking place in any city in the world, as there's no indication of the LA-specific culture or environment.

Overall, the scene feels bland and does not engage the audience effectively. It lacks a strong sense of character, dialogue, and conflict, that are essential for any compelling story.
Suggestions Here are some suggestions to improve the scene:

1. Add more action: The scene is mostly dialogue-driven with little action. Consider adding some visuals or physical movements to make the scene more visually interesting. For example, McClane could be fidgeting with something in the car or reacting to something outside the window.

2. Raise the stakes: The dialogue in the scene is mostly small talk. Consider adding some tension or conflict to make the scene more engaging. Perhaps the limo gets caught in traffic or the characters receive a threatening phone call.

3. Develop the characters: The scene could benefit from more character development. We learn very little about McClane and William, and their conversation feels surface-level. Consider adding backstory or personality traits to make the characters more three-dimensional.

4. Connect the scene to the larger story: Scenes should always serve the larger story. While this scene gives some context to the setting of Los Angeles, it doesn't seem to directly connect to the main plot. Consider adding a thread that ties this scene to the larger story, even if it's just a small detail.



Scene 4 -  Arrival at Nakatomi Corporation
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 7
  • Dialogue: 8
10 CONTINUED: ' 10
Suddenly Powell's miniature tree is knocked on its side and a
handgun goes spinning across the desk into his lap. He looks
up to see two cops trying to subdue a struggling suspect in
front of his desk. COP #1 looks up at Powell and grins.
COP #1
Don't worry, Al, it ain't loaded.
POWELL
(to phone)
I got to go.
Powell hangs up and puts the heavy firearm on the desk as the
two cops shove the suspect into a chair in front of him.
COP #2 stares at the suspect and points at Powell.
I COP #2
Sergeant Powell's a very deadly
man with a handgun, so don't try
anything or he might kill you...
by accident.
The two cops laugh. Powell ignores them, and expertly rolls
in a sheet of paper into his main weapon — the typewriter.
POWELL
(to suspect)
Full name, last name first...
11 -INT. LIMO - NIGHT 11
McClane and William pull up in front of the Nakatomi building,
a forty story, ultra-modern highrise in Century City.
WILLIAM
You here to patch things up?
MCCLANE
I'm here to try. Thanks for the
ride, William.
He gets out and William sits a moment in the car alone before
getting out to help him with the bags.
12 EXT. NAKATOMI BUILDING - NIGHT 12
William climbs out of the limo and stops by the trunk.
WILLIAM
What happens if you don't get back
with your wife? Where*re you going
to stay?
(CONTINUED)

A98
12 CONTINUED: _ 12
MCCLANE
I'll find someplace.
He looks up at the highrise lit by huge spotlights, then
back at William who's made no attempt to open the trunk.
WILLIAM
Look, I'm going to pull into the
parking garage and wait. You score
with your wife give me a call on
the car phone and I'11 leave your
bags inside at the desk. You strike
out...I'11 get you to a hotel.
He hands McClane a slip with the number on it.
MCCLANE
(taking the number)
Thanks. What're you going to do?
WILLIAM
Don't worry about William...
(points to the
stuffed animal)
...He's going to hang out with his
friend here till you call.
13 INT. NAKATOMI LOBBY - NIGHT 13
Beautiful and deserted. A large Christmas tree stands next
to the security table where the GUARD sits. McClane goes to
the desk and signs in.
MCCLANE
Holly Gennaro. International Sales.
GUARD
Thirty-second floor...You can't miss
'em, they're the only ones left in
the place.
14 INT. ELEVATOR - NIGHT 14
McClane riding the elevator. He rotates his head. Getting
the cricks out. As he approaches the 32nd floor we
hear a tremendous THUMPING, THROBBING NOISE. McClane
stops and listens before he realizes — it's the party. As
the doors open the noise attacks us.
15 32ND FLOOR - SAME 15
McClane moves around the edge of the party and stops a
dancing woman who points to Holly's "office.

A98
10
Genres: ["Action","Thriller","Drama"]

Summary John McClane takes a limo ride to the Nakatomi Corporation building and arrives to meet his wife on Christmas Eve.
Strengths "Establishes the setting, introduces important characters, and sets up the conflict."
Weaknesses "The scene lacks action and emotional impact."
Critique The scene starts with an action that immediately captures attention - the miniature tree being knocked down and a handgun spinning across the desk. However, the dialogue between the cops and Powell feels forced and unrealistic. The attempt at humor falls flat and distracts from the gravity of the situation.

The introduction of McClane and William in the following scene is done well and sets up their dynamic. However, the dialogue could be tighter and more purposeful. William's offer to help McClane if he strikes out with his wife feels too convenient and insincere.

Overall, the scene has good pacing and tension, but the dialogue could benefit from some revision to feel more natural and less forced.
Suggestions There are a few things that could be improved in this scene:

1. The transition between the two scenes (Powell's office and McClane arriving at the building) seems abrupt. Adding a brief establishing shot of the exterior of the building before cutting to the limo could make the transition smoother.

2. The dialogue between Powell and the cops feels a bit cliché and forced. It may be more effective to have them share a more natural exchange that reveals something about their characters.

3. The description of the Christmas party on the 32nd floor is a bit vague. Adding more sensory details could help create a more vivid atmosphere and increase the contrast with the quiet, deserted lobby.

4. The conversation between McClane and William feels a bit stilted. Adding more specific details (e.g. about their relationship or William's personality) could help make the interaction more engaging.

5. Finally, it might be helpful to clarify the significance of the handgun in Powell's office. Is it just a prop or does it foreshadow something? Adding a bit more context could create anticipation and tension for later in the story.



Scene 5 -  First Meeting at Nakatomi Corporation
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 7
  • Plot: 7
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 7
16 HOLLY'S OFFICE - SAME 16
McClane pauses at the door and notes the name, then knocks.
It is opened by Takagi. Ellis sits behind Holly's secretary's
desk and nervously taps a tightly-rolled dollar bill.
MCCLANE
Sorry, I was looking for —
TAKAGI
Holly Gennaro?
MCCLANE
Yeah...
TAKAGI
Then you must be John McClane.
(introducing
himself)
Joe Takagi, John. How was your
ride in?
Ellis subtly runs a checking finger under his nose then stands
to shake hands with McClane. McClane takes it all in.
MCCLANE
Nice. Do I have you to thank for
that?
TAKAGI
Or blame for it. She was going to
meet you herself, but I threw some
things at her at the last minutes.
(motions to Ellis)
John, this is Harry Ellis one of our
shining stars in international sales.
(to Ellis)
John is a New York policeman.
ELLIS
(shaking hands)
Pleasure to meet you. I've heard
a lot about you from your ex-...
(correcting
himself)
...your wife.
We can tell by McClane's look that he doesn't think much of
Ellis. McClane holds Ellis' look and runs his finger subtly
under his nose.
MCCLANE
(low, to Elli.s)
You missed some.

(CONTINUED)

A98
11

16 CONTINUED: 16
yflE^X

MCCLANE (Cont.)
(to Takagi)
Well, you fellas throw quite a
Christmas party.
Ellis automatically puts his hand to his face before
realizing his face is clean.

TAKAGI
Well, actually it's also a little
celebration for a deal we closed
this afternoon. A $150,000,000
deal. A deal we have Holly to
thank a lot for —
Holly enters. Seeing McClane momentarily stops her.
J
/
HOLLY
(surprised)
John...Oh...Did you meet everyone? —

TAKAGI
No, we've been sticking spears in
^S*!S\ him...of course he has.
McClane and Holly look at each other for a moment awkwardly
then she kisses him on the cheek. The awkwardness pleases
Ellis.
TAKAGI
(to McClane)
She's made for this business.
Tough as nails.

ELLIS
Show him the watch.
He points to a new gold Rolex on Holly's wrist.
HOLLY
(giving him
a look)
I will later.
ELLIS
Ahh...Show him. Don't be
embarrassed.
(to McClane)
A little something to show how much
we appreciate her good work.
(CONTINUED)

A98
12

16 CONTINUED: (2) 16

Holly fixes Ellis with a lethal look.
MCCLANE
I'm sure I'll see it later. Right
now I could use a place to wash up.

17 EXT. NAKATOMI - NIGHT 17

A UPS truck turns off Olympic into the underground parking
garage of Nakatomi.

18 INT. PARKING GARAGE 18

It goes down the ramp and passes William's black limo. William
I is not visible in the front. The back windows are tinted.

19 INT. LIMO - SAME 19

William sits in the backseat. He is making a drink from the
bar with the TV on and his rap music blasting from the
cassette player, oblivious to the truck passing behind him.

20 INT. PARKING GARAGE - SAME 20
The UPS truck stops in front of the service elevator on the
next level down. As the truck idles, the uniformed driver
makes a note on his clipboard.

21 INT. ELLIS' OFFICE- WASHROOM - NIGHT 21
Genres: ["Action","Thriller"]

Summary John McClane meets Holly's colleagues, Takagi and Ellis, at the Nakatomi Corporation building on Christmas Eve. Takagi welcomes John while Ellis nervously taps a dollar bill. Holly enters and the awkwardness between her and John is evident. Ellis gives Holly a new gold Rolex watch. Meanwhile, a UPS truck enters the Nakatomi parking garage.
Strengths "The scene effectively introduces key characters and establishes the tense atmosphere. The awkwardness between Holly and John adds a layer of complexity to their relationship."
Weaknesses "The scene's pacing is slow and the events that occur are not particularly exciting. The introduction of the UPS truck feels disconnected from the rest of the scene."
Critique Overall, this scene seems well-written in terms of character introduction and dialogue. However, it could benefit from more visual description and action to break up some of the talking heads. It also might be helpful to clarify the setting and location a bit more for the reader. Additionally, the introduction of the limo and William could be better integrated into the scene to create more tension and suspense. Overall, there is potential for improvement but the scene is effective in introducing the characters and setting up the story.
Suggestions One suggestion to improve this scene would be to work on building the tension and foreshadowing the upcoming conflict. The scene feels somewhat static and could benefit from some more dynamic interactions between the characters. For example, instead of just having McClane make a comment about Ellis' lack of cleanliness, perhaps there could be some more subtle power plays and tension building between them. Additionally, there could be some small hints or clues that something dangerous is lurking on the horizon, perhaps through shots of the building's security measures or some ominous music in the background. This would help to keep the audience engaged and on edge, while also setting the stage for the upcoming conflict.



Scene 6 -  Reuniting and Setting Up
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 7
  • Dialogue: 7
Holly sits in Ellis' office — a Sharper Image kind of place.
Through a door to the private washroom, she watches McClane
in his T-shirt finish washing his face.
HOLLY
Sorry about Ellis. He has a
hard time this time of year...
MCCLANE
Hey, I know the type. He thought
he was God's greatest gift.
They both smile, a reminder of something past.
HOLLY
So, where are you staying? This
all happened so fast I didn't
even ask you on the phone.
(CONTINUED)
A98
13

21 . CONTINUED: 21
J^tn\


McClane finishes drying his face and steps to the doorway.
MCCLANE
Well, Cappy Roberts retired out
here a couple years ago. He said
I could bunk with him.
HOLLY
Oh...Where does he live?
MCCLANE
Pomona.
HOLLY
PomonaI You'll be in the car
the whole time...Look, let's make
this easy. I have a spare bedroom.
It's not huge, but the kids would
love to have you at the house.
McClane fixes her with a look.
MCCLANE
How about you?
HOLLY
(beat, honest)
I would too.
MCCLANE
I feel kinda stupid asking how
things are going, that seems
pretty obvious.
He nods at her new watch. She rubs her watchband
self-consciously and when she looks up McClane is staring
at her.
MCCLANE
God, you look good.
HOLLY
(pleased, smiles)
You don't look half-bad yourself.
They lock eyes for a moment, but it's an intense moment that
says a lot about how they still feel about each other. Just
then a man and a woman, both a little tipsy, open the door
to the office, see that its occupied and beat a hasty
/Si^V retreat. The interruption temporarily dents the mood.
Holly tries to smile.
(CONTINUED)


A98
14

21 ' CONTINUED: (2) 21
HOLLY
Welcome to L.A...I've missed you.
She leaves and McClane smiles to himself — it's a start. He
looks at all the lavishness around him and picks up a phone
on the wall by the toilet. He opens his wallet and takes out
the phone number William gave him. A photo of his children
stops him.
22 INSERT - THE PHOTO 22
Holly and the two children we saw at Holly's house. He flips
it over. On the back in crude but painstaking hand of a
five-year-old it says: WE MISS YOU, DADDY. LOVE JOHN (and
in more primative letters) LUCY.
23 MCCLANE 23
returns the photo to his wallet, dials the number and begins
to unlace his shoes.
24 INT. BUILDING LOBBY - SAME 24
The Guard at the front desk notices the UPS truck on his
monitor. The Guard continues to watch the UPS truck and
only half notices as a BMW pulls up in front of the building
and two extremely well-dressed, BUSINESSMEN (late twenties)
climb out and start up the stairs for the door. As they
cross the lobby to the Guard's table to sign-in, we hear
•their conversation.
MAN #1 (THEO)
(animatedly)
...So, Kareem rebounds — listen,
this is a great play — feeds Worthy
on the break, over to A.C., to Magic,
back to Worthy in the lane and —
Suddenly the other man pulls out a Walther pistol with a
silencer and aims it at the Guard's forehead. Before the
Guard can react he pulls the trigger.
MAN #1 (THEO)
(dryly)
Boom...two points.
(The speed with which the murder takes place sets the tone
for the rest of the action.) The killer moves behind the
desk, stepping over a small pool of blood from the Guard.
His name is KARL, big, with long blond hair like a rock
drummer. Karl takes off the silencer and looks at the
(CONTINUED)


A98
15
Genres: ["Action","Thriller"]

Summary Holly meets John, and they discuss his sleeping arrangements. A gift exchange occurs. Meanwhile, a group of criminals enters the Nakatomi building.
Strengths "Introduces tension and establishes character relationships."
Weaknesses "Dialogue can be somewhat on-the-nose."
Critique As a screenwriting expert, I would say that this scene is well-written in terms of character development and dialogue. The interaction between Holly and McClane feels natural and shows their history together as a married couple. It's also a good way to introduce McClane to Holly's workplace, which will become important later in the story.

The interruption by the drunk couple, however, feels a bit cliché and unnecessary. It takes away from the mood of the scene and feels like a cheap attempt at humor.

The introduction of the villains in the final part of the scene is effective in establishing the danger that McClane will face. The dialogue between the two men is a clever way to introduce the idea of a "play" that will be used later in the story as a means of stealing the money from the vault.

Overall, this scene is well-written and sets up important relationships and plot points for the rest of the story.
Suggestions As a screenwriting expert, here are some suggestions to improve the scene:

1. Establish the setting better: Instead of just describing Ellis' office as a "Sharper Image kind of place," describe the furniture, decor, and other details that make it unique.

2. Develop the dialogue: Have Holly and McClane talk about something more meaningful than just where he's staying. This is a great opportunity to reveal more about their relationship and what's been happening in their lives.

3. Increase the tension: When the two intoxicated strangers interrupt Holly and McClane, play up the awkwardness and add a sense of danger. Maybe these strangers seem suspicious or could be potential threats.

4. Add more visual elements: Instead of relying so heavily on dialogue, add more actions, reactions, and description to help visualize the scene. For example, you could describe the lighting, camera angles, or facial expressions to enhance the emotions and atmosphere.

5. Foreshadow the action: Include some clues or hints that suggest the violence and danger to come, such as subtle references to guns, explosions, or other action movie tropes. This will help build suspense and anticipation for later scenes.



Scene 7 -  Criminals Infiltrate Nakatomi Corporation
  • Overall: 10.0
  • Concept: 9
  • Plot: 10
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 7
24 CONTINUED: 24
J0£\
video monitor of the UPS truck. The first man, THEO, opens
his briefcase and takes out a portable CB radio.
THEO
(on CB)
We're in.
25 ON THE SCREEN 25
the driver nods at the security camera as several men climb
out the rear of the van and begin unloading wooden crates•by
the service elevator.
26 INT. BUILDING OPERATIONS CONTROL ROOM 26
Theo enters the small control room and comfortably sits
behind a maintenance keyboard. With a few typed-in commands
}
he locks down the passenger elevators up to the 32nd floor.
i Then with several more computer commands, .systematically
causes:
27 THE HEAVY STEEL GATES TO THE PARKING GARAGE CLOSE 27
28 THE ESCALATORS TO THE GARAGE COME TO A STOP 28
29 THE POWERFUL BLOWERS IN THE AIR CONDITIONING TOWER 29
ON THE ROOF SUDDENLY STOP AND WE HEAR JUST THE
TRICKLE OF WATER IN THE COOLING TOWER
30 CONTROL ROOM - SAME 30
Theo finishes typing and disconnects the keyboard and pulls
out the wires from beneath the panel.
31 INT. LOBBY - SAME 31
The doors to a service elevator open TO REVEAL HANS GRUBER,
impeccably dressed, lean and handsome, he steps out into the
lobby like he owns the building — and in a way he does.
Theo steps to the door of the control room and tosses Hans
the Guard's master keys. Hans goes to the front door and
locks it. He looks out at the street — not a creature is
stirring — Century City is quiet.
32 KARL 32
waits beside an elevator which opens REVEALING NINE MEN
dressed in fatigues, all armed with Kalashnikov machine guns
and carrying canvas kit bags. One of them, HEINZ, in his
twenties, goes to the dead guard and immediately begins
\ changing into the dead man's clothes.



A98
16

33 KARL 33
takes a tool case from the elevator and heads silently for
the basement stairwell.
34 THEO 34
leaves the control room and nods to Hans.
35 HEINZ 35

half-dressed in his uniform, takes his position behind the
front desk.
36 HANS 36
looks at his watch and seems pleased. He steps into the
service elevator with the others and presses the button for
1 the 32nd floor. The entire sequence has taken maybe sixty
( seconds.
37 INT. ELLIS' BATHROOM - 32ND FLOOR - SAME 37
McClane, barefoot, his pant legs rolled up above his ankles.
He finishes dialing and waits for the party to answer.

/Jl//lfl"\ 38 INT. BUILDING BASEMENT - PHONE ROOM 38
A large sign says: PACIFIC BELL EMPLOYEES ONLY. Inside
Karl stands in front of an intimidating matrix of phone lines
— but what he has in mind won't require a doctorate in
Electrical Engineering. He focuses on four CPV plastic
conduits which run out of the main panel over his head and
opens his case REVEALING a compact electric chain saw.
39 INT. ELLIS' BATHROOM - SAME 39
McClane on the phone.
MCCLANE
(on phone)
William?...
40 INT. LIMO 40
William is reclining on the seat. The music is on so loud
that it is nearly impossible to hear.
WILLIAM
So, man, what's the story?
/liBBNy 41 INT. PHONE ROOM - SAME 41
Karl cuts through the four tubes one at a time.
Genres: ["Action","Thriller"]

Summary Criminals infiltrate the Nakatomi Corporation building through a UPS truck, disabling services and locking down elevators, escalators and air conditioning systems
Strengths "The tension and stakes are high, the planning of the criminals is detailed, and the dangers presented are compelling."
Weaknesses "There is not much character development or dialogue in this scene."
Critique The scene is well-written and effectively builds tension. The use of multiple locations and actions happening simultaneously keeps the audience engaged and interested. The use of specific details, such as the types of weapons and equipment being used, adds to the realism of the situation. The dialogue is natural and serves to move the plot forward. Overall, this is a strong scene that effectively sets up the heist plotline.
Suggestions Overall, this is a well-written scene with clear action and dialogue. However, here are a few suggestions for improvement:

1. Add more visual description: While there is some description of what is happening, there could be a bit more detail to paint a clearer picture for the reader. For example, when Hans locks the door, you could describe the sound of the lock clicking into place, or the look on his face as he surveys the quiet street outside.

2. Add more character development: These characters are all well-defined, but we don't get much insight into their motivations or personalities. Consider adding a bit more dialogue or action that gives us a sense of who they are beyond their roles in the heist.

3. Vary sentence structure: There are a lot of short, straightforward sentences in this scene, which can start to feel repetitive. Try mixing it up with longer sentences, more complex syntax, or rhetorical devices like parallel structure or rhetorical questions.

4. Consider the pacing: This is a relatively long scene that involves a lot of setup for the heist. While it's important to convey all of this information, you may want to think about ways to make it feel more dynamic and engaging for the reader. Can you add any twists or surprises, or up the tension in some way?



Scene 8 -  Infiltration
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 9
  • Plot: 10
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 8
A98
17
42 INT. ELLIS' BATHROOM - SAME 42
ytf&*^S McClane on the phone.
MCCLANE
I'm just calling to —
He stops and gently taps the phone cradle. No dial tone.
43 INT. LIMO 43
William looks at the phone.
WILLIAM
W h a t ? — M r . Mac, you there?
He turns down the music but there is no one on the line.
WILLIAM
(to himself)
Well, call me back, John. You got
the number.
He hangs up and turns the volume back up.
44 ELLIS' OFFICE 44
He hangs up the phone and goes into Ellis' office and picks
up the phone on the desk. It too is dead.
\ 45 INT. SERVICE ELEVATOR 45
Hans and the others approaching the 32nd floor. As they grow
closer we hear the noise of the speakers growing louder and
louder. The men cock their weapons and brace themselves as
the car stops and the elevator doors open. ON THE SOUND OF
GUNSHOTS AND SCREAMS WE:
CUT TO:
46 INT. ELLIS' OFFICE 46
McClane grabs his shoulder harness off the back of the chair
and moves quickly to the doorway. He looks down the hall.
47 HIS P.O.V. 47
Two terrorists, FRANCO and TONY, armed with M-5 machine guns
searching the offices on the hall one by one. They open a
door, look in from the hallway, and move on quickly to the
next. They are four offices away and moving fast.
McClane looks across the corridor and sees the stairwell door
— too far to reach without being seen.
(*** 48 MCCLANE , . 48
steps back, throws off the safety on his Beretta and braces
himself.

A98
18
49 HALLWAY - FRANCO AND TONY 49
^0™^

reach the office just before Ellis' and throw open the door
REVEALING the man and woman who interrupted Holly and
McClane a few minutes before, now in the throes of passionate
lovemaking on the desk. The two terrorists smile at each
other then enter the office.
A moment later the man, trying desperately to pull up his
pants and woman buttoning her blouse, are pushed out into
the hall and toward the party, by Tony. The other
terrorist. Franco, goes to Ellis' office and opens the door.
It is empty. Only McClane's shoes and coat remain.
50 INT. STAIRWELL - SAME 50
CLOSE ON McClane's bare feet padding quickly up the concrete
stairs, two at a time. We FOLLOW him up two flights, then
| out onto the:
51 34TH FLOOR 51
i
| Unlike the 32nd it has no surrounding offices, just one
| large secretarial pool with hundreds of desks, hundreds of
phones, dark and deserted. McClane moves quickly to a desk
and picks up a phone. It's out.
P MCCLANE
1
Shit...
Out the windows a high-rise apartment building a half-block
away sparkles with lights. McClane stares at a woman in her
kitchen. We SEE her wipe her hands on an apron and turn to
answer a telephone. It seems so easy.
McCLANE
Think...
52 INT. 32ND FLOOR (HOSTAGE FLOOR) - SAME 52
The employees have been herded to the center of the room
where the desks have been pulled back. Many people are
whimpering. Holly looks around the room for McClane; she
sees Ellis. Takagi, stubbornly refusing to cooperate is
pushed toward the group. Hans steps up on top of a desk
and looks over the group.
HANS
(soothing, in control)
Ladies and gentlemen, due to Nakatomi's
legacy of greed in Third World countries,
it is about to be made an example. You,
{ unfortunately, are part of the recompense.

(CONTINUED)

A98
19
Genres: ["Action","Thriller"]

Summary Criminals infiltrate the Nakatomi Corporation building, disabling services and locking down elevators, escalators, and air conditioning systems.
Strengths
  • Intense tone
  • Pacing
  • Character stakes
Weaknesses
  • Lack of character development
Critique Overall, this scene is well-structured and effectively builds tension. The various locations are established clearly and the action flows smoothly between them. The use of alternating close-ups and wider shots helps to maintain a sense of spatial coherence.

However, there are a few minor issues with the writing. The parentheticals describing McClane's actions in scene 48 ("steps back, throws off the safety on his Beretta and braces himself") feel somewhat awkward and unnecessary; this action could be conveyed visually without the need for explicit directions. The use of all-caps in several places (such as "REVEALING" in scene 49) is distracting and unnecessary.

Additionally, some of the dialogue could be improved. The line "Well, call me back, John. You got the number" in scene 43 feels exposition-heavy and unrealistic; it's unlikely that someone would say this in a casual phone conversation. Similarly, Hans' speech in scene 52 feels a bit on-the-nose and overly explanatory; it might be more effective to show, rather than tell, Nakatomi's legacy of greed through other means.

Overall, though, this scene is effective and well-constructed, with only minor flaws in the writing.
Suggestions First, I would suggest adding more dialogue and actions for McClane to make the scene more engaging and tense. Maybe have him mutter to himself as he searches for a working phone, and have him react more strongly to the dead phones. Adding more emphasis on his urgency and desperation to make contact with the outside world would add tension and also allow the audience to connect better with him as a character.

Secondly, the lovemaking couple scene seems out of place and unnecessary. Instead, have Franco and Tony searching for McClane in the other offices and almost finding him. This would add more suspense and danger to the scene.

Finally, Hans' speech could use some improvement. It feels a bit generic and could be rewritten to be more specific to the situation at hand. Perhaps he could mention Nakatomi's role in a recent scandal or disaster, or reveal more about his motivations for the hostage-taking. Adding more depth and specificity to his speech would make him a more compelling villain.



Scene 9 -  The Terrorists Make Their Demands
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 7
52 CONTINUED: 52
HANS (Cont.)
We are going to collect identification.
This is not a pillage — we do not want
your wallets or money. A driver's
license or ID with a photo will do nicely.
Several of the terrorists begin collecting IDs as people hunt
for ID.
HANS
At present we have no intentions of
hurting anyone. If our demands are
not met, however — expect that to
change.
(beat, smiles)
Your cooperation is appreciated.
f He steps down from the desk and goes into:
/
53 HOLLY'S OFFICE 53
where a terrorist with glasses, FRITZ, has begun to set up
operations. A large CB unit is placed on her desk and a TV
monitor is put on the credenza. While he works, Hans picks
up an 8x10 photo on the credenza.
y 54 CLOSE - THE PHOTO 54
The same one that we saw in McClane's wallet of Holly and
the children.
55 HANS 55
He puts the photo back. Franco (who checked Ellis' office)
brings McClane*s coat, socks and shoes. Hans examines the
clothes and looks at the man who brought them.
HANS
Is this all?
FRANCO
(nods)
Do you want us to search for him?
HANS
No. He can't signal for help and
he cannot get out.
Hans feels the fabric of McClane's topcoat as Franco leaves
and Takagi is brought to the office. Hans smiles.
jt0>&\


(CONTINUED)



A98
20

55 CONTINUED: 55
f*y HANS
(pleasantly)
Mr, Takagi, my name is Hans Gruber.
Would you come with me, please?
56 INT. STAIRWELL - 38TH FLOOR - SAME 56
McClane pauses outside the stairwell door to the 38th floor,
he presses the handle and cracks the door open TO REVEAL a
computer floor. The-computer machinery drones on under the
lights behind plate glass windows. McClane quietly closes
the door and makes a note on a piece of paper.
57 CLOSE - THE PAPER 57
It is a listing of the floors and says:
» 32 Hostages
/ 33 ?
34 Open Floor
35 Open Floor
36 Cubicles
37 Cubicles and inside offices (TV
sets in inside office)
38 Computers
f* 58 MCCLANE 58
moves up the stairs to the next landing, the 39th floor, and
tries to open the door. It is locked. He keeps going up.
59 INT. SERVICE ELEVATOR - NIGHT 59
Hans, Takagi, Karl and Tony. Riding silently. Hans alone
seems relaxed. He whistles. We recognize it as
"Whistle While You Work."- He looks at Takagi*s suit.
HANS
Nice suit. John Philips...London?
TAKAGI
(surprised)
How the hell would you know?
HANS
(smiles)
I have two myself...
He continues whistling and enjoys Takagi's surprise.
HANS
f^' You are surprised a 'terrorist' would
know fine tailors?
(CONTINUED)
A98
21
Genres: ["Action","Thriller"]

Summary A group of terrorists infiltrate the Nakatomi Corporation building and demand identification from the hostages in the room. Hans Gruber sets up operations in Holly's office while his henchmen collect ID. John McClane hides in the stairwell and creates a list of floors with notable features. Hans is impressed by Takagi's suit and makes a remark about being familiar with fine tailors.
Strengths "The tension and suspense are effectively built up. Good use of foreshadowing with McClane creating a list of floors. "
Weaknesses "Dialogue could be stronger."
Critique Overall, this is a well-written scene that effectively sets up the tension and dynamics between the terrorists and hostages. The dialogue is realistic and serves to establish the motives and goals of the terrorists. The introduction of the TV and CB radio also sets the stage for future communication between the hostages and the outside world.

However, there are a few moments that could be improved upon. The line "your cooperation is appreciated" from Hans feels clichéd and could be more specific in terms of what he wants them to do. Additionally, the reference to John Philips London and tailors could be shortened or removed entirely as it does not add much to the scene.

Overall, this scene effectively moves the plot forward and sets up the conflict for the rest of the film.
Suggestions One suggestion to improve this scene would be to add more tension and suspense. Right now, the scene feels a bit flat and lacks the urgency that usually accompanies a hostage situation. Perhaps show more of the hostages' fear and desperation, or add an unexpected twist that raises the stakes for both the terrorists and the hostages.

Another suggestion may be to add more depth to the characters, especially the protagonist John McClane. He is hardly visible in this scene and giving him more backstory or a personal motive for trying to stop the terrorists could make the audience more invested in the story.

Finally, the dialogue could be improved to make it more believable and authentic to the characters' backgrounds and personalities. Right now, some of the lines feel a bit contrived and do not add much to the story or characterization. By giving each character a unique voice and making their dialogue more natural, the scene could become more engaging and compelling.



Scene 10 -  Terrorists Takeover the Nakatomi Corporation Building
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 7
59 CONTINUED: 59
The answer is obvious. Hans smiles and lowers his voice as
if sharing an inside secret.
HANS
Rumor has it Arafat buys his there.
60 INT. STAIRWELL 60
McClane starts to open the stairwell door to the 40th Floor
when a NOISE above him gets his attention. He moves silently
up.one flight to the roof. Quietly, he cracks the door and
looks out onto a Machine floor on the lower level of the roof.
61 HIS P.O.V. 61
Three terrorists, JAMES, ULI and HEINRICH, unload the wooden
crates we saw in the garage from the service elevator. One
of them looks his way and:
62 MCCLANE 62
closes the door and slips back down the stairs, opening the
door to the next floor. Like the others, it is dark but we
instantly know from the paneling that he has reached an
executive floor. VOICES and a light at the end of the hallway
draw him in that direction.
63 INT. CONFERENCE ROOM - 40TH FLOOR - NIGHT 63
CLOSE ON a scale model of a bridge. Constructed to exacting
detail. Hans admires it. Behind him are photographs of the
gorge where the bridge will be constructed and maps of
Central America. Karl, Tony and a wiry terrorist, MARCO,
listen. Takagi watches.
HANS
It's beautiful. I always enjoyed
models as a boy. The exactness, the
attention to detail. Beautiful...
TAKAGI
(defensively)
Contrary to what you people think,
that bridge and its construction will
open up that entire region to growth.
Hans straightens, looks hard at Takagi.
HANS
I believe you.
Takagi looks confused. Hans puts a friendly arm around
Takagi's shoulders and guides him into the adjacent boardroom
where Theo types in commands onto a built-in computer console.
A98 (CONTINUED)
22

63 CONTINUED: 63
HANS
Mr. Takagi, I'm sure you've realized
that I didn't bring you up here to
look at models or debate your business
ethics.
Theo types at the console.
64 INSERT: SCREEN 64
It says: NAKATOMI INVESTMENT PENSION PLAN and a list of
Serial and CUSIP numbers. In one stroke they are deleted
from the screen. Then the next message comes up: ENTER
ACCESS NUMBER.
65 TAKAGI 65
He stops as Theo turns and faces him. He knows suddenly what
it's all about. Hans smiles at Takagi.
HANS
You can make our lives very easy,
Mr. Takagi.
TAKAGI
I don't know the code.
/$^&N

Hans slowly takes out his Walther and his silencer. He feels
his silencer a moment, as if making a decision, then slips it
back into his coat pocket. Takagi sees the gun.
TAKAGI
(more seriously)
Only three people know it, the CEO,
the Chief financial officer and the
Chairman. I'm not privy to such
information.
Hans presses the gun against Takagi's lapel.
HANS
(calmly)
You wouldn't lie to me, would you?
TAKAGI
(holding Hans' look)
No.
He gulps. Theo looks hard at Karl, who reluctantly meets
his look.
THEO
(to Karl)
I told you he wouldn't know.
(CONTINUED)
A98
23
Genres: ["Action","Thriller"]

Summary A group of terrorists infiltrate the Nakatomi Corporation building, led by Hans Gruber, and demand identification from the hostages in the room. John McClane hides in the stairwell and creates a list of floors with notable features.
Strengths "Tense atmosphere, introduction of main conflict, suspenseful plot developments"
Weaknesses "Some role players are not too well fleshed out"
Critique Overall, the scene is well-structured and effectively advances the plot. It starts with McClane noticing something suspicious and then cuts to the terrorists executing their plan. The tension is built as McClane sneaks around and overhears the terrorists discussing their objectives. The scene culminates in the revelation that Takagi holds valuable information that the terrorists need, leading to a moment of conflict as Hans presses him for the access code.

However, there are a few areas that could be improved. The dialogue between Hans and Takagi is a bit heavy-handed, with both characters stating their beliefs and intentions clearly and directly. It might be more effective if their conversation had more subtext and nuance, with each character trying to read the other and conceal their true intentions.

Additionally, the moment when Hans takes out his silencer and then decides not to use it feels a bit contrived and unnecessary. It doesn't seem to serve a clear purpose in the scene, and it interrupts the flow of the conversation between Hans and Takagi.

Overall, though, this scene effectively moves the story forward and maintains the tension and suspense that has been established in the previous scenes.
Suggestions As a screenwriting expert, here are some suggestions to improve this scene:

1. Create more tension: While the scene builds tension as McClane discovers the terrorists on the roof, the tension could be heightened by introducing a ticking clock or more urgency to the scene. This could increase the stakes and make the scene more exciting.

2. Develop the characters: Although we learn the names of the terrorists, we don't know enough about them to care about their motivations or intentions. By giving them more backstory or personality traits, they could become more memorable and add depth to the plot.

3. Clarify the conflict: While it's clear that Hans and his team want access to the Nakatomi financial information, it's not entirely clear why they need it or what they plan to do with it. By clarifying their motivation and goals, the conflict of the scene could become more compelling.

4. Use more visual language: While the dialogue in the scene is clear and concise, more visual language could be used to set the scene and create a better sense of location. By describing the environment in more detail, the reader can better visualize the action and setting.



Scene 11 -  Infiltration and Murder
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 9
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 7
  • Dialogue: 6
65 CONTINUED: 65
Karl gives Theo five dollars — a private bet. Takagi takes
heart, but Hans doesn't put up his gun.
TAKAGI
I told you the truth.
HANS
And I believe you, Mr. Takagi...Now,
believe me. We didn't need the code...
and I'm going to kill you anyway.
He cocks the gun then hesitates, moves the barrel upward off
his suit.
HANS
Too nice a suit to ruin...
I He moves the barrel up Takagi*s neck, seemingly searching for
/ just the right spot. He pauses below Takagi's jaw, next to
his jugular and snuggles the barrel gently into the niche.
.Takagi looks around .the room. The others watch stoically.
Hans moves the barrel from the jugular to a point directly
over Takagi's adam's apple and finally seems satisfied. The
Exec locks eyes with Hans.
TAKAGI
I'm not scared of you.
HANS
I know...but you probably should be.
66 HALLWAY - ON MCCLANE - SAME 66
He presses his eye to the crack in the door just in time to
see Hans pull the trigger. In the tiny room it sounds like
Hiroshima. The blast knocks Takagi backwards onto his butt,
a gaping hole in his throat. He remains seated upright for
an instant, stunned, before Hans steps up and puts another
bullet in his chest.
67 CLOSE ON MCCLANE 67
He is stunned and moves back from the door holding his breath.
His gun bumps against the paneling.
68 ON HANS - TAKAGI'S OFFICE 68
He looks up at the sound.
HANS
What's that?
(CONTINUED)

A98
24

68 CONTINUED: 68
{ Marco turns to the door to the hallway where McClane was and
throws open the door. The long, darkened hallway is deserted.
He steps into the:
69 HALLWAY 69
and stops in front of the only door near the conference room
— a Supply Closet — and tries the door — it is locked.
MARCO
(to Hans)
Nothing.
70 CONFERENCE ROOM 70
Karl stares at the body of Takagi then looks up at Hans as
i Marco returns to the room.
' HANS
(to Karl)
Go supervise the work on the roof.
71 INT. SUPPLY CLOSET 71
In the darkness of the closet we MAKE OUT McClane, pressed
against the wall. He listens to the footsteps moving away
and lets out a breath.
MCCLANE
(whispers)
Jesus, Williams, what're you doing
down there?
CUT TO:
72 INT. LIMO - PARKING GARAGE 72
William is on the car phone. The music is playing.
WILLIAM
I'm working, honey. Working hard.
•Course I'll be by later to pick you
up, have I ever lied to you? My boss?
He thinks I'm cruising down to San Diego...
73 SAFE ROOM - 39TH FLOOR 73
Hans and Theo enter the safe room. The huge corporate safe
looms in front of them. Theo places three kit bags onto a
table and rolls up his sleeves.
HANS
How long?
• •' THEO
(eyeing the safe)
Ask me in an hour.
A98
25

74 37TH FLOOR 74
-i$KJ*>\
Genres: ["Action","Thriller"]

Summary Terrorists led by Hans Gruber infiltrate the Nakatomi Corporation building and demand identification from the hostages. John McClane hides in the stairwell and witnesses Gruber execute Takagi.
Strengths "The scene has a high level of tension and effectively builds up to the moment of the execution. It also shows the ruthlessness of the villains."
Weaknesses "The dialogue is not particularly memorable and the characters could be developed more."
Critique This scene is well-written in terms of building tension and suspense, but there are a few areas for improvement.

Firstly, the action description is lacking in detail and could benefit from more visualization. For example, instead of just saying "He cocks the gun then hesitates," the writer could describe the physical action of Hans cocking the gun and show his hesitation through facial expressions or body language.

Secondly, the dialogue feels a bit on-the-nose and could be more subtle. For example, when Takagi says "I'm not scared of you," it feels like a direct challenge to Hans and gives away too much of Takagi's mindset. It would be more effective if his words were more guarded, but his body language conveyed defiance.

Overall, this scene effectively builds tension and creates a sense of danger for the characters. With some tweaks to the action description and dialogue, it could be even stronger.
Suggestions One suggestion would be to add more tension and build up to the moment when Hans pulls the trigger. This could be achieved through building up the conflict between Hans and Takagi, possibly with more dialogue or physical tension. Additionally, adding more description to the scene could enhance the visual impact, such as describing the room or the expressions of the characters. Another suggestion would be to make the actions of McClane more clear and impactful, perhaps through adding more detail to his reactions or describing his thoughts. Finally, the dialogue could be refined to make it more natural and engaging for the audience.



Scene 12 -  McClane Evades Terrorists on the 37th Floor
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 9
  • Dialogue: 7
McClane moves out onto the 37th floor, angry at himself.
MCCLANE
Why the fuck didn't you stop him?
(beat)
Because, you ignorant sonofabitch,
you'd be dead, too. Think...think,
goddamnit!
Suddenly he looks up at the ceiling and sees a sprinkler head.
His look drops to the wall and focuses on a small red fire
alarm switch by the door.
75 INT. MAIN FLOOR - L.A. FIRE STATION - NIGHT 75
An alarm sounds. Quickly firemen move to their machines as
a voice of a 911 Dispatcher drones.
911 DISPATCHER
Main Wilshire units. Two alarm fire
at Nakatomi —
The voice continues as the station doors open and we:
CUT TO:
76 INT. NAKATOMI - GROUND FLOOR OPERATIONS ROOM - SAME 76
A fire alarm indicator light showing which floor has sounded
the fire alarm — suddenly begins flashing, emitting short,
loud beeps. Heinz, the terrorist in the guard's uniform and
manning the station, immediately picks up his CB.
77 37TH FLOOR - SAME 77
McClane stands at windows looking Northward for fire trucks.
Suddenly we SEE the flashing red lights of two trucks in
traffic two miles away.
MCCLANE
C'mon, baby...c'mon.
78 INT. SERVICE ELEVATOR - ON HANS - SAME 78
He rides the elevator back to 32nd floor with Tony.
HANS
(calmly, to Heinz on CB)
Use the portable phone. Call 911,
give them your badge number and cancel
/"**> the alarm...then disable the system.
He ponders the problem of McClane, looks across at Tony, and
presses the talk button again.
(CONTINUED)
A98
26

78 CONTINUED: 78
HANS
Heinz? What floor did the alarm go off?
79 37TH FLOOR - SAME 79
McClane stands silhouetted against the window. In the distance
he can see another fire truck swing off Santa Monica onto
Avenue of the Stars.
Suddenly the red light on the first truck goes out, then on
the second. McClane watches in disbelief. The trucks slow
and turn down separate side streets, heading for home.
MCCLANE
(realizing)
No...
Just then the elevator bell rings and we HEAR the ELEVATOR
DOORS OPEN. A figure (Tony) slips into the shadows — his
machine gun drawn. We MOVE WITH HIM from the elevator area
until he reaches the light switch and throws it illuminating
the entire floor. McClane is gone.
TONY
(calling out)
Okay, you! I know you're here. I
don't want to hurt you.
80 ON MCCLANE 80
under a desk. He takes in his options.
81 HIS P.O.V. 81
the feet of Tony. They move slowly in his direction. McClane
looks down the aisle next to the windows. It leads to a series
of office cubicles at the other end of the floor and is a clear
path if he can make it past Tony.
82 TONY 82
He moves steadily toward the area where we saw McClane.
TONY
Your signal was cancelled. No one is
coming to help you. So come out and
join the others.
He fingers the trigger of his machine gun.
TONY
I promise I won't hurt you.
(CONTINUED)

A98
27

82 CONTINUED: 82
C* Moving more confidently, he steps up to McClane's desk, then
around it and fires a blast into the space. It is empty. As
the SOUND OF THE MACHINE GUN FADES he listens and hears another
SOUND — a low HUMMING NOISE coming from the other end of the
room near the cubicles.
Tony heads toward the noise. Sensing a trap, he moves past
each cubicle carefully, checking each office until he reaches
the doorway of the last one. The sound is just around the
partition. He tenses, then spins into the cubicle.
83 TONY'S P.O.V. 83
an electric typewriter left on.
84 TONY 84
i
Genres: ["Action","Thriller"]

Summary John McClane evades terrorists on the 37th floor as they attempt to hunt him down, while he attempts to call for help and find a way to escape.
Strengths "Intense action and suspense, strong character development for McClane"
Weaknesses "Lack of strong dialogue moments, some parts may feel cliche"
Critique Overall, the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, and showcases McClane's resourcefulness under pressure. The dialogue feels natural and helps to develop McClane's character, particularly his frustration and determination. The use of visual cues, such as the sprinkler and fire alarm switch, effectively lead to the introduction of the fire department and create a sense of urgency.

However, there are some areas where the scene could be improved. Some of the action is described in a way that feels overly detailed and could potentially slow down the pace. For example, the description of Tony checking each cubicle and the typewriter in his POV could be trimmed down. Additionally, the stage direction in all caps ("SOUND OF MACHINE GUN FADES") can feel distracting and could be revised for clarity.

Overall, with some tweaks, this scene could be a strong addition to a larger screenplay.
Suggestions One suggestion to improve the scene would be to create more tension and suspense as McClane and Tony play cat-and-mouse. This could be achieved by adding more description of the characters' movements and inner thoughts. Additionally, adding more sensory details such as sound and smell could heighten the atmosphere and make it more immersive for the audience. Another suggestion would be to add more dialogue between McClane and Tony to give more context to their motivations and provide a deeper exploration of their characters. Finally, adding more visual cues and clues to hint at what McClane might do next could make the audience more engaged and invested in the outcome of the scene.



Scene 13 -  Confrontation in the Stairwell
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 9
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 7
  • Dialogue: 6
i grins at his nervousness. He turns it off as McClane steps
INTO FRAME behind him, his gun aimed at Tony.
MCCLANE
Save that energy.
Tony slowly turns around and sees McClane*s detective badge
pinned to his shirt.
MCCLANE
Put down your gun.
Tony doesn't. McClane cocks his Beretta. Tony watches him
calmly.
TONY
You won't do it.
MCCLANE
Why not?
TONY
Because you are a policeman.
MCCLANE
Try me.
Tony spins to the side and McClane fires, hitting him in the
arm, but the big man's momentum slams McClane into a filing
cabinet and sends his pistol into the hall. Tony reaches for
his machine gun, but McClane kicks him into the desk. He locks
his arms around the big man's neck in a hold that sends Tony
reeling into the hall. McClane holds on as they slam into the
glass door of a fire hose cabinet shattering the glass. They
careen across the hall into the stairwell door, opening it,
and crash into:



A98
28
85 STAIRWELL LANDING 85
then down the concrete steps into the wall on the landing below.
For a moment, both men lie still, then McClane moves and we SEE
the concrete becomes wet under the'big man as Tony's bladder
opens. McClane, still holding onto Tony's neck, releases it
and the man's head flops sickeningly to the side.
For a moment McClane just looks at the dead man, stunned, then
a HISSING SOUND coming from Tony's kit bag gets his attention.
He opens it and finds the terrorist's CB.
TIME CUT TO:
86 INT. 34TH FLOOR ELEVATOR CAR - NIGHT 86
Tony's body sits slumped in a secretary's chair — a note
attached to his chest. McClane sits on the floor in front of
him hurriedly lacing up the dead terrorist's boots on his own
; feet. He ties the last lace and tries to take a couple of
i steps. He nearly falls flat. Quickly he starts taking the
boots off.
MCCLANE
A zillion terrorists in the building
and I kill the one with feet smaller
than my sister.
He yanks off the boots and tosses them on Tony's lap, then
pushes buttons for the 33rd and 32nd floors. He slings Tony's
kit bag over his shoulder along with the dead man's machine gun.
A wooden desk ruler protrudes from McClane's back pocket.
The elevator doors close and the car starts down. After it's
dropped only half a floor, McClane forces the doors open with
his fingers — stopping the car between floors.
Using the ruler he blocks open the inside doors, then opens
the outside doors of the floor above (34th) with his fingers
and pulls himself up onto the carpeted floor, then up onto the
roof of the car. Once on the roof of the car he reaches over
the edge and removes the ruler, closing the inside doors and
setting the car in motion again.
87 32ND FLOOR (HOSTAGE FLOOR) - NIGHT 87
The elevator bell rings and Fritz, guarding the area, sees
Tony's body in the chair. Hans comes to the elevator with
Franco, lifts Tony's chin and sees that his neck has been
snapped. He removes the note and reads it aloud.
HANS
'Now I have a machine gun.'
/tfnl£*\

FRITZ
Maybe a security guard we overlooked.
(CONTINUED)
A98
29
Genres: ["Action","Thriller"]

Summary McClane confronts and kills one of Hans' henchmen in a stairwell, and discovers a CB radio in the dead man's bag.
Strengths
  • Intense action sequence
  • Reveals important information about the terrorists' plans
Weaknesses
  • Dialogue is relatively minimal
Critique This scene is well-written and engaging. The tension between McClane and Tony is palpable, and the action is exciting. However, one issue is with the dialogue between McClane and Tony. Tony's dialogue is a bit too on-the-nose, telling McClane outright that he won't shoot him because he is a policeman. This takes away from the subtle power dynamic that could have been established between the two characters. Additionally, the use of Tony urinating after his death seems unnecessary and gratuitous. Overall, the scene is well-crafted, but a few tweaks to the dialogue and action could make it even stronger.
Suggestions As a screenwriting AI language model, I don't have personal preferences or opinions, but I can suggest some improvements to the scene:

1. Tone and pacing: The scene feels rushed and lacks tension. Consider adding more dialogue and action beats that build suspense and increase the stakes for McClane.

2. Characterization: Add more depth to the characters of McClane and Tony. We don't know enough about their motivations or personalities to care about their confrontation. Perhaps add some backstory or conflict between the two.

3. Visual description: The scene is heavy on dialogue and light on visual description. Add more specific details about the setting and the characters' movements to help the reader visualize the action.

4. Editing: Consider trimming some of the extraneous beats, like McClane lacing up Tony's boots. These add little to the story and can slow down the pacing. Focus on the essential beats that advance the plot and deepen the character relationships.

5. Tone and theme: Consider adding some humor or irony to the scene. The note on Tony's chest (and McClane's comment about his sister's feet) is a good start, but you could push the sarcasm or satire further to highlight the theme of the film.



Scene 14 -  The Aftermath of Violence
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 9
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 7
  • Dialogue: 6
87 CONTINUED: 87
Hans lifts Tony's chin again, lets the head flop over.
HANS
Would you do this to someone if you
had a gun?
FRITZ
(slightly spooked)
We have to do something, Hans.
Hans sighs and looks at the dead man.
HANS
Yes...we have to tell Karl his brother
is dead. Tell him to come down.
As Fritz calls Karl on his CB, Hans looks at Franco.
HANS
Franco, take the body upstairs out of
sight. I want these people kept calm
for as long as possible. Come back down
the stairs and check each floor...I want
to see the person who did this.
88 INT. ELEVATOR SHAFT - CAR ROOF - ON MCCLANE - SAME 88
On top of the car, listening to the conversation below. Franco
and Fritz step into the car and the doors on the elevator close.
The car accelerates upward and McClane grabs onto the heavy,
grease-coated cables to keep his balance. Already his clothes
are soiled; his face and feet, arms and hair are dark from the
dirt and sweat.
The car speeds up the shaft — passing the car bringing Karl
down to the hostage floor — and stops at the 40th floor. The
doors open and McClane hears them roll the chair with the body
off the car. McClane looks up.
89 MCCLANE'S P.O.V. 89
A metal catwalk runs around the inside of the elevator shaft.
90 MCCLANE 90
pulls himself up onto it. As he moves along the catwalk
looking for a way out, he passes an unmarked metal door, 2'x3'.
McClane pushes it open and looks in.
91 MCCLANE'S P.O.V. 91
Total darkness.



A98
30
92 MCCLANE 92
z**^ takes out a rifle cartridge from Tony's kit bag and lobs it
1
into the void. It is a full four seconds until we hear its
nonexplosive chatter on the ground below. You don't have to
be a mathematics whiz to know it's a long drop.
MCCLANE
Jesus...
He moves cautiously around a corner and we SEE a metal ladder
leading up to a door marked PUMP ROOM. Opening the door
McClane enters a darkened:
93 PUMP ROOM 93
damp and full of pipes and goes to another door. He cracks the
door and looks out.
94 MCCLANE*S P.O.V. 94
The lower level of the roof. Open and deserted. Only a
heliport above him is higher.
95 32ND FLOOR (HOSTAGE FLOOR) - HOLLY'S OFFICE - SAME 95
CLOSE ON A PAIR OF LARGE HANDS as they squeeze into fists so
^ tight it drains all color from the fingers. Controlled rage.
( We PULL BACK TO REVEAL the hands belong to Karl, who stands
in Hans' office.
KARL
Now.
HANS
(firmly)
No. Theo has not finished. He must
be done before the police arrive.
96 EXT. ROOF - NIGHT 96
McClane climbs to the heliport and leans against the leeward side
of a wall surrounding it. Shielded from wind, he pulls out the
CB, turns to channel nine, and starts broadcasting.
MCCLANE
Mayday, Mayday, tell police terrorists
have seized the Nakatomi building —
97 INT. OFFICE - KCBS-TV - SAME 97
DICK THORNBURG, local TV news reporter, talking on the phone to
his girlfriend also hears the distress call. He stops listening
/i»«»\ to her for a moment and turns up his scanner.
MCCLANE'S VOICE
— I repeat...unknown number of foreign
nationals armed with automatic weapons
A98 (CONTINUED)
31
Genres: ["Action","Thriller"]

Summary Hans orders his henchmen to dispose of Takagi's body and keep hostages calm. McClane overhears this and hides in an elevator shaft to avoid being captured. McClane finds a way out and broadcasts a distress call from the rooftop
Strengths "The scene is tense and suspenseful, with high stakes and a clear sense of danger. McClane's resourcefulness and determination are on display as he tries to find a way out and call for help."
Weaknesses "The dialogue is minimal, with most of the scene relying on actions and visuals. Some of the character motivations are unclear, especially Hans' decision to wait for Theo to finish his hacking before leaving with the hostages."
Critique As a screenwriting AI language model, I can provide some feedback on this scene.

Overall, the scene seems to flow well and effectively communicates the actions and dialogue of the characters. The descriptions are clear and concise, allowing the reader to picture the action in their mind. However, there are a few areas where the scene could be improved:

- The dialogue could be stronger and more impactful. For example, the line "Would you do this to someone if you had a gun?" lacks impact and could be phrased in a more dramatic way.
- The physical descriptions of the characters could be more detailed, allowing the reader to picture them more vividly.
- The scene could benefit from more sensory description - for example, describing the smells and sounds of the pump room or the wind against McClane as he climbs the heliport.

Overall, this scene effectively conveys the action and dialogue of the characters, but could benefit from stronger dialogue and more sensory description.
Suggestions Here are some suggestions to improve the scene:

1. Add more tension: The scene could benefit from more tension and suspense. One way to do this is by adding more descriptive language that creates a sense of urgency and danger. For example, describe the characters' breathing or heart rate to show the intensity of the situation.

2. Clarify character motivations: The dialogue between Hans and Fritz is a bit unclear. Why is Fritz spooked about doing something? What exactly do they need to tell Karl? Adding some clarity to their motivations and goals will make the scene more engaging.

3. Show more of McClane's struggle: While the scene does a good job of showing McClane's physical struggle, it could benefit from more emotional struggle. Adding some internal dialogue or reactions to what he sees and hears would give more insight into his character.

4. Increase the stakes: The scene could benefit from increasing the stakes for the characters. For example, if there was a time limit or deadline for the terrorists to complete their mission, that would add more tension and urgency to the scene. Alternatively, if McClane's actions had more consequences (e.g. accidentally alerting the terrorists to his presence), that would raise the stakes as well.

5. Use more sensory language: The scene relies a lot on visual description, but it could benefit from more sensory language that engages the reader's other senses. For example, describing the smells or sounds of the elevator shaft or pump room would add more depth to the scene.



Scene 15 -  Distress Call from the Rooftop
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 7
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 7
  • Dialogue: 6
97 CONTINUED: 97
MCCLANE'S VOICE (Cont.)
are holding at least thirty people
hostage at Nakatomi, Century City...
Somebody answer me, goddamnit!
98 INT. HANS' OFFICE - SAME 98
Hans'and Karl also hear the clear signal over Hans' CB.
HANS
The roof.
99 INT. LOS ANGELES EMERGENCY DISPATCH CENTER - SAME 99
A SUPERVISOR weaves her way back from the break room toward a
DISPATCHER who is monitoring the call.
DISPATCHER
It's the same address we got a
crank fire call at earlier tonight...
SUPERVISOR
I'll handle it.
She plugs in her headset.
SUPERVISOR
(to McClane)
Attention. This is an authorized
police frequency —
MCCLANE'S VOICE
Listen to me, this is an emergency.
I need police backup, now. Tell
police, terrorists have killed one
hostage already —
100 INT. KCBS - ON THORNBURG - SAME 100
listening more closely. On a hunch he reaches over and starts
recording the conversation.
MCCLANE'S VOICE
(o.s.)
— and have the building heavily
fortified.
101 INT. SERVICE ELEVATOR - ON KARL - SAME 101
with Franco and Fritz.
KARL
No one kills him but me.
It's an order and the look he gives the other two backs it up. He
fits a fresh magazine into his rifle as the elevator opens to the
roof.
A98
32
Genres: ["Action","Thriller"]

Summary McClane broadcasts a distress call from the rooftop of the Nakatomi building, calling for police backup and reporting that terrorists have killed one hostage.
Strengths "Intense action, high stakes, moves the plot forward, and establishes the desperation of McClane's situation."
Weaknesses "Dialogue is somewhat formulaic, and character development is minimal."
Critique Overall, the scene is well-written and effectively establishes the tension and urgency of the situation. The dialogue between McClane and the police dispatcher feels authentic and intense, with the use of short, urgent sentences adding to the sense of urgency. The reveal of Hans and Karl hearing the conversation adds a layer of suspense and danger to the scene.

However, there could be some improvements made to the scene. Firstly, it would be helpful to add in some description of the characters' physical actions and reactions, as well as their emotional states. This would allow for a more vivid and engaging scene. Additionally, there could be more variation in sentence structure and length to add variety and maintain the reader's attention. Finally, it might be useful to provide a bit more context about the situation leading up to this scene to provide more clarity and understanding for the reader.
Suggestions Here are some suggestions to improve the scene:

1. Add more tension: The scene could benefit from more tension-building moments. Perhaps have McClane struggle to get his message across, or show the terrorists preparing for the police arrival.

2. Develop the characters: The characters in this scene don't have much depth. Consider adding more backstory or motivation to them to make them more interesting and engaged.

3. Make use of the setting: The scene takes place in multiple locations, but doesn't utilize them to their fullest potential. Try to incorporate the setting more into the action of the scene to give it more weight and impact.

4. Explore the threat: The scene mentions that terrorists have killed one hostage already, but doesn't delve deeper into the danger that the hostages are in. Adding more details about the terrorists' plans and the potential consequences would make the scene more intense.

5. Add conflict: The scene lacks any real conflict between the characters. Consider adding an argument or disagreement between characters that raises the stakes and adds tension.



Scene 16 -  Distress Call
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 9
102 EXT. UPPER ROOF - ON MCCLANE - SAME 102
He is almost breathless as he finishes his call.
MCCLANE
...and they have cut all the phone
and emergency communication lines.
That's all the information I have,
now. Over.
He releases the talk button. There is a pause and then his
radio crackles to life again with the Supervisor's voice.
SUPERVISOR'S VOICE
(o.s.)
I repeat. This is an authorized
police frequency. Any unauthorized
use will be investigated by police —
MCCLANE
(to the radio)
Then send them, goddamnit! What the
hell 'you people want — a fucking
engraved invitation!?
Suddenly machine gun shells rip into the concrete wall in front
of him. The noise is deafening as we:
CUT TO:
103 INT. DISPATCHER OFFICE - SAME 103
Both Supervisor and Dispatcher reach for their headsets in pain
from the INTENSE SOUND and:
104 INT. KCBS (THORNBURG'S OFFICE) - SAME 104
Thornburg immediately hangs up on his girlfriend and yells over
his shoulder to his assistant in the next room.
THORNBURG
Mary! Call Sam. Tell him I need
a crew, now!
105 EXT. ROOF - ON MCCLANE - SAME 105
Running. Tracer bullets rip into the wall behind him. He
reaches the corner and sees the two other terrorists moving
toward him. Before they see him, he leaps down to the next
level out of range of Karl.
106 INT. EMERGENCY DISPATCH - SAME 106
The Supervisor and Dispatcher listen in stunned silence^ The
shots sounded real enough...
SUPERVISOR
(to Dispatcher)
Have a Black and White do a drive-by.
A98
33
107 INT. 7-11 - ON POWELL 107
f* He puts two packs of pink Hostess "Twinkies" and his police
radio down on the counter in front of a young male CLERK, who
stifles a smile. Another teenage employee behind the counter
also smothers a laugh.
CLERK
Is that...all, Sir?
He tries not to look at Powell for fear of breaking up
altogether.
POWELL
They're for my wife. She's pregnant.
The clerk nods and puts them in a bag. Suddenly Powell's
Police Radio crackles to life.
DISPATCHER'S VOICE/RADIO
6421 to One Adam Ten, over.
Powell picks up the radio.
POWELL
One Adam Ten, go ahead.
DISPATCHER'S VOICE/RADIO
yA|IT?i'*\ Investigate a code two at 15433
Avenue of the Stars.
Powell grabs the bag and immediatley heads for the door as the
two employees break into laughter.
CLERK
Wonder what a 'Code Two' is...cupcake
alert?
108 EXT. ROOF - ON MCCLANE - NIGHT 108
running for his life, from Fritz and Franco, doesn't realize he
is being herded around the building toward Karl. Suddenly
McClane turns a corner and sees Karl. The big man fires a
burst and McClane ducks back stopping at the exterior door to
the pump room he used before. It is locked from the inside.
He blows the lock off with a burst from his machine gun and
slips into the darkness of the:
109 PUMP ROOM - SAME 109
Moving quickly through the pump room, McClane picks his way
over the same ground as a few minutes before and opens the
door to the elevator shaft. The dimly lit shaft yawns before
/?W?>\ him. He starts down the ladder back to the catwalk.




A98
34
Genres: ["Action","Thriller"]

Summary McClane broadcasts a distress call for police backup and reports terrorists have killed one hostage after evading them on the 37th floor and killing one of Hans' henchmen. He discovers a CB radio in the dead man's bag and overhears Hans ordering his henchmen to dispose of Takagi's body and keep hostages calm. McClane hides in an elevator shaft to avoid being captured, finds a way out, and broadcasts the distress call from the rooftop.
Strengths
  • Intense action
  • Character desperation
Weaknesses
  • Lack of character development
Critique Overall, the scene is well-written with clear action and descriptions of events. The dialogue feels authentic and moves the story forward. However, there are a few areas where the scene could be improved.

Firstly, the transition from the rooftop to the dispatcher office and then to Thornburg's office feels abrupt. The cuts could be smoother, perhaps by establishing the location of the dispatcher's office before cutting to it.

Secondly, the scene could benefit from some more descriptive language to help paint a picture of the setting and actions taking place. For example, describing the rooftop and the movements of the terrorists in more detail could enhance the tension and suspense of the scene.

Finally, while the dialogue is effective at conveying information and building tension, it could benefit from some more subtext and character development. Giving the characters distinct voices and motivations can make the scene more engaging and memorable for the audience.
Suggestions Overall, the scene has good tension and action, but there are a few areas to improve:

1. The dialogue between McClane and the Supervisor could be condensed and made more dynamic. Consider having the Supervisor interrupt McClane with urgent information, which would make McClane more frustrated and desperate.

2. The scene in the 7-11 with Powell feels out of place and doesn't add anything to the plot. Consider cutting this scene entirely or finding a way to tie it in more closely with the main action.

3. The description of McClane running from Fritz and Franco could be more specific and visually engaging. Try to give more detail about the environment and the stakes of the situation.

4. When McClane enters the pump room, there is repetition of him picking his way over the same ground as before. Consider finding a more concise way to describe his actions.

5. The scene ends abruptly with McClane descending the ladder. Consider adding a beat or moment of tension before cutting to the next scene.

6. There are some formatting errors in the script, such as missing punctuation and inconsistent capitalization. Ensure the script is polished and properly formatted before submission.



Scene 17 -  McClane Escapes from Elevator Shaft
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 7
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 7
  • Dialogue: 6
110 EXT. THE ROOF - SAME 110
\ Franco and Fritz reach the pump room door and wait for Karl,
who leads the way into the darkness of the pump room.
111 ELEVATOR SHAFT - ON MCCLANE - SAME 111
on the far stretch of catwalk. He turns the corner, out of
view of the pump room door, moves down the back side of the
catwalk past the small air shaft door, and stops — he's
reached a dead end — the catwalk ends, the elevator is gone.
112 INT. PUMP ROOM - ON KARL - SAME 112
His flashlight beam dances around the interior of the room.
He starts to open the door to the elevator shaft when
suddenly their radio crackles with Hans' voice.
HANS' VOICE
Karl? Franco? Where is he?
FRANCO
In the elevator shaft.
*
HANS' VOICE
The elevators are down here. Lock
him in.
Karl doesn't answer.
HANS' VOICE
(more firmly)
Lock him in. That's an o r —
Karl turns off his radio. In the light of their flashlights,
the two other terrorists look at Karl in stunned disbelief.
He opens the door to the elevator shaft.
113 INT. ELEVATOR SHAFT - ON MCCLANE - SAME 113
He backtracks to the air shaft door, strikes the lighter from
Tony's kit bag and looks in.
114 MCCLANE'S P.O.V. 114
The air shaft. The lighter dimly illuminates four walls
of smooth aluminum disappearing into darkness. Moving the
light in further, he sees something else — the dark outline
of a horizontal air conditioning duct — nine feet down the
side and leading into the guts of the building.
35

115 MCCLANE 115
f* extinguishes his light, looks at the strap on his kit bag.
116 INT. ELEVATOR SHAFT (OPPOSITE SIDE) - SAME 116
Karl steps off the ladder to the catwalk and unslings his
machine gun.
117 CLOSE - BRASS CLIPS 117
from McClane's kit bag. One has been clipped to each end of
his machine gun making a long sling.
118 MCCLANE 118
braces the gun across the outside opening of the air shaft door
and lowers himself into the:
119 AIR SHAFT 119
holding onto the canvas sling with his elbows bent, like doing
a chin-up.
His feet slowly move down the smooth aluminum walls until they
reach the top of the air duct, then dangle in the open space.
He straightens his arms to give him length enough to touch the
/fiflJPv, bottom edge of the duct. Suddenly he feels something give way
above him and looks up.
120 CLOSE ON THE CLIPS 120
Slowly the brass clips start bending under McClane's weight.
121 ON KARL 121
He moves steadily toward the corner.
122 CLOSE - MCCLANE'S TOES 122
now only inches from the bottom edge. McClane's arms are fully
extended now. He hears Karl on the metal catwalk. His muscles
strain and quiver.
123 THE CLIPS 123
They are opening wider until one side bends all the way back —
and snaps.
124 ON MCCLANE 124
falling. He grabs the ledge of the air duct as he falls and
his body slams into the aluminum wall with.a echoing BOOM.
Above him on the catwalk the rifle rattles on the metal outside
the door.
Genres: ["Action","Thriller"]

Summary McClane escapes from the elevator shaft and hides in an air duct while Karl and other terrorists attempt to capture him.
Strengths
  • Tense set piece that keeps the audience on edge
Weaknesses
  • Somewhat predictable
  • Dialogue isn't particularly strong
Critique Overall, this scene does a good job of building tension and suspense as McClane enters the air shaft while Karl is hot on his heels. The use of varied camera angles helps to visually convey the danger that McClane is in. The dialogue between the terrorists via radio adds to the sense of urgency and conflict.

However, there are a few areas of this scene that could be improved. Firstly, the action could be described in more detail to give the reader a clearer picture of what is happening. For example, there is no description of how McClane attaches the brass clips to his machine gun.

Additionally, the dialogue between the terrorists could be more distinct to differentiate between the characters. It's not immediately clear who is speaking when Hans' voice comes over the radio.

Finally, the formatting could be improved to make it easier to read. For example, the asterisk before Hans' voice could be replaced with a "CUT TO:" or "BACK TO:".

Overall, while this scene is effective at building tension, there are areas that could be improved to make it more polished and clear.
Suggestions - Consider adding more specific descriptions of the setting and the characters’ actions and reactions, to create a clearer and more engaging visual experience for the reader and viewer.
- Show more of McClane’s thought process and reactions as he navigates the air shaft, to build tension and suspense.
- Consider adding dialogue or inner thoughts for McClane to show his personality and perspective.
- Think about ways to make Karl a more complex and interesting character, rather than just a stock villain. This could include showing his motivations and inner conflicts.



Scene 18 -  Escape and Pursuit
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 7
A98 .
36
125 ON KARL 125
{***• Around the corner Karl freezes, unsure of the sound, then starts
slowly for the corner.
126 ON MCCLANE 126
holding onto the ledge by his hands. With every ounce of
strength he tries to pull himself up into the horizontal duct,
clawing for a hold.
127 ON KARL 127
He rounds the corner and sees McClane's rifle lying beneath the
doorway. He moves to the small door, shines his light and aims
his rifle down into the air shaft ready to fire.
128 HIS P.O.V. 128
The shaft is deserted. Moving his light around he sees the air
duck. Without hesitation he turns and backtracks to the pump
room door.
129 INT. AIR CONDITIONING DUCT - ON MCCLANE - SAME 129
He lies exhausted and motionless in the narrow crawl space.
He awkwardly fishes out the lighter from his shirt pocket and
^rx flicks it on.
130 HIS P.O.V. 130
Not for claustrophobics — a long, dark and narrow corridor.
There's no light at the end.
MCCLANE
(dryly)
Whew...for a moment there I
was worried.
He turns out his lighter and starts crawling.
131 INT. PUMP ROOM 131
Karl climbs the ladder to the pump room door where Franco and
Fritz wait.
KARL
Quickly...Follow me.
He moves through the pump room and goes outside.
132 INT. AIR DUCT - SAME 132
McClane crawls to a'junction. To his right he sees a vent twenty
feet away. The light looks' wonderful to him and he moves towards
it.

CUT TO:
A98
37
133 INT. LOWER ROOF - MACHINE FLOOR - SAME 133.
Karl opens the door from the roof Franco and Fritz behind him.
He points to a series of rooms near the elevator shaft and the
three men split up, each going to a separate room. Karl opens
the door to the:
134 MACHINE ROOM 134
and looks up. The ceiling is crisscrossed with air ducts.
He fires a burst into the ducts.
135 INT. AIR DUCT - SAME 135
McClane remains motionless in the air duct. Three quarter-sized
holes inches from his face show how close Karl came to nailing
him. Sweat covers his face, drips silently onto the aluminum.
136 MACHINE ROOM 136
!*
/ Karl listens patiently for sound. Just then the two other
terrorists return.
FRANCO
Nothing.
Karl hesitates a moment, fighting his instincts before finally
/$£\ turning to go. Suddenly the duct McClane is in groans slightly
under his weight. Karl stops and looks up at the matrix of
aluminum duct work, trying to single out the source of the sound,
He steps back into the room and raises his rifle. Holding it
upright he presses the barrel up into the belly of McClane's air
duct, feeling for weight — the weight of a body.
137 INSIDE THE AIR DUCT 137
McClane sees the indention of the barrel pressing into the
aluminum fifteen feet away. There is a pause and another
indention three feet closer. He can hear Karl's footsteps on
the concrete — moving slowly below the duct.
138 ON KARL 138
His eyes are fixed above him on the air duct. He presses the
barrel up again. Still nothing.
139 ON MCCLANE 139
Silently he moves his hand to his breast and slowly draws his
Beretta. The next indention presses up six feet away. McClane
points his gun downward and waits.
/&*• 140 KARL 14 0
stops directly below him. The barrel starts up and just touches
the duct under McClane when Franco returns to the door and calls.
(CONTINUED)
A98
38
Genres: ["Action","Thriller"]

Summary McClane evades capture and broadcasts a distress call from the rooftop. He then hides from Karl and other terrorists in an air duct while they try to capture him.
Strengths
  • Pacing
  • Tension
  • Action Sequences
Weaknesses
  • Lack of Character Development
  • Underdeveloped Themes
Critique There are a few issues with this scene. Firstly, the action lines are quite vague and lack detail, making it difficult for the reader to fully visualize what is happening. Some examples of this are "unsure of the sound" and "awkwardly fishes out the lighter". These lines should be more specific and descriptive.

Secondly, there is a lack of character development and motivation. We don't know much about Karl or McClane, and their actions seem random and arbitrary. Additionally, we don't have a clear understanding of what they are trying to accomplish and why.

Lastly, the pacing could be improved. The scene jumps back and forth between Karl and McClane, which makes it difficult to follow and creates a disjointed feeling. The tension could also be heightened by adding more suspenseful moments and building up to the climax.

Overall, the scene needs more work on character development, specificity in the action lines, and pacing.
Suggestions Overall, the scene is well-written and tense. However, here are some suggestions that could improve it:

1. Make Karl's uncertainty more clear in the first shot. Perhaps he could hesitate or look around more before approaching the corner.
2. Consider adding some dialogue or inner thoughts for McClane to make him feel more like a protagonist during the air duct crawl.
3. In shot 130, the phrase "not for claustrophobics" feels a bit unnecessary and takes away from the tension. Consider removing it.
4. Instead of using the line "Whew...for a moment there I was worried" in shot 130, consider having McClane say something more revealing about his character or situation. This line feels too out of character for someone in McClane's dire position.
5. In shot 137, consider adding description of McClane's emotions or thoughts to make the tension more palpable.
6. Finally, consider using more descriptive language for the action, such as using active verbs instead of passive ones, to make the scene more engaging for readers.



Scene 19 -  Distress Call and News Report
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 7
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 7
  • Dialogue: 6
140 CONTINUED: 140
/fffift\
FRANCO
Karl! Police! Come now.
Karl hesitates then lowers his gun and leaves.
141 CLOSE - MCCLANE 141
He hears the door close and lowers his head.
142 INT. KCBS - CONTROL BOOTH - NIGHT 142
Dick Thornburg and his news editor, SAM, in the control booth
where we're in the countdown to the 11 o'clock news.
THORNBURG
What do you mean you can't cut
1
me a crew?
/ SAM
I mean people want to go home for
christsake...it's Christmas Eve.
THORNBURG
Sam, I heard shots five minutes ago.
We've got to move on it.
SAM
I've got Simon swinging by from the
Santa Sing on Melrose. If it's
anything we'll cut to him...
From behind the news desk pretty-boy anchorman, HARVEY JOHNSON,
looks up at the booth, calls to Sam over his mike.
HARVEY
(panicked)
Sam, I don't have the Gladden report!
SAM
(over the booth mike,
to Harvey)
Keep your pants on Harvey.
(to the A.D.)
What've we got?
ASST. DIRECTOR
Fifteen seconds.
Sam finds the news report in his stack of papers and starts out
of the booth with Thornburg on his heels. We FOLLOW.
(CONTINUED)




A98
39

142 CONTINUED: 142
THORNBURG
(angrily)
I'm not sitting on this for Simon,
I'm going out there! And if you
don't cut me a goddamn truck, I'm
going to the parking lot and steal
one!
Both news anchors, Sam and all the floor personnel look up.
They're in their final seconds. The FLOOR MANAGER worriedly
counts off, "9...8.. .7. .. " Harvey looks angrily at Thornburg.
HARVEY
Give us a break how 'bout it,
Thornburg.
FLOOR MANAGER
...Four, Three —
THORNBURG
Eat a big one, Harve.
FLOOR MANAGER
...One.
He points at Harvey who automatically smiles as the red light
goes on, but it's obvious Thornburg has wrecked his concentration
HARVEY
(beat)
Uhh...Good evening, this is...
Harvey...Johnson.
WOMAN
And I'm Gail Wallens, and this
is Nightline News at Eleven.
The program rolls its intro tape and Harvey shoots Thornburg a
look that could kill. Thornburg smiles at his handiwork.
SAM
(sharply, to Thornburg)
Take Roberts and number four and
get the hell out of here.
143 EXT. CENTURY CITY - AVENUE OF THE STARS - NIGHT 143
The street is empty, quiet. A lone police black-and-white pulls
out of the shadows of a side street and begins a slow cruise
toward the Nakatomi building.
Genres: ["Action","Thriller"]

Summary McClane evades his pursuers and broadcasts a distress call for police backup. Meanwhile, Thornburg and his news team rush to report on the unfolding crisis.
Strengths "The scene effectively builds tension with the contrast of McClane's life-or-death situation and Thornburg's ambition to cover the story. The various characters play well off each other and feel authentic to their respective professions."
Weaknesses "While the scene succeeds at building tension, the dialogue feels somewhat stilted at times. Additionally, the scene feels somewhat disconnected from the main plot of the terrorists' plan."
Critique Overall, this scene is well written with clear dialogue and action. However, as a screenwriting expert, I would suggest a few changes:

1. In the first line, it's unclear what "fffift" means. It would be better to clarify this in the screenplay to avoid confusion.

2. The action lines could benefit from more descriptive language to create a vivid image of the scene in the reader's mind.

3. The dialogue between Thornburg and Sam feels a bit forced and on-the-nose. It would be more effective if it were more natural and subtle, while still conveying the necessary information.

4. The character of Harvey Johnson could have more depth and personality. Right now, he comes across as just a generic news anchorman.

5. The introduction of the police car at the end feels a bit abrupt and random. It would be better if there was more foreshadowing or buildup to this moment to create a sense of tension and anticipation.

Overall, this scene has potential but could benefit from some tweaks and revisions to make it more engaging and memorable.
Suggestions Overall, the scene reads a bit disjointed and lacking in tension. Here are a few suggestions to improve it:

- Start with a stronger action beat to kick off the scene. For example, maybe McClane is in the middle of a high-stakes fight with a terrorist when Franco interrupts him. This would immediately raise the tension and provide a clear reason for why Karl would hesitate and leave.
- Consider tightening up the dialogue between Thornburg and Sam in the control booth. Right now, their banter feels a bit meandering and doesn't add much to the scene. Try condensing their exchange to just the key pieces of information they need to convey (e.g. Shots were heard, Thornburg needs to go out and get a story).
- Find ways to build tension during the newscast. Right now, it feels like a bit of a random interruption that doesn't impact the story in a meaningful way. To make it more impactful, try having the newscast break a critical piece of information that McClane needs to know in order to save the day (e.g. Alerting the public that terrorists are holding hostages in the Nakatomi building, or revealing a hidden escape route that McClane can use to his advantage).
- Finally, add some more sensory description to the scene. Right now, there's very little to help the reader visualize what's happening beyond the dialogue. Try adding details about the lighting, sound, and physical space to help the scene come alive.



Scene 20 -  Police Backup Arrives
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 7
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 7
  • Dialogue: 6
A98
40
144 ON POWELL 144
f* Driving, alone. He stares up at the dark tower. It seems calm.
Lights on the 32nd and 40th floors. Powell slows to a stop and
scans the premises. In the lobby we SEE Heinz, sitting behind
the desk. Powell reports to his radio.
POWELL
Guard inside. No signs of
disturbance'... I' m going up for
a closer look.
He pulls in and parks in the front.
145 INT. MACHINE ROOM - SAME 145
McClane punches out a ceiling vent and drops down into the
machine room. For a moment he stands, listening for sounds
of movement. The floor is quiet. He goes to the stairwell.
146 EXT. ROOF - SAME 146
The edge of the roof. Suddenly a tall terrorist, HEINRICH,
moves along the wall and looks over at Powell's car.
147 INT. 3RD FLOOR - SAME 147
The elevator doors open and Karl, Franco and Fritz step out
onto the darkened floor. We SEE large number "3" painted on
the doors of this floor. They move quickly toward the windows
on the Avenue of the Stars side where a terrorist, ALEXANDER,
with a BAR rifle has set up a machine gun nest. Directly below
him we SEE Powell's car.
148 32ND FLOOR (HANS'OFFICE) - SAME 148
Hans watches from above. He raises his CB.
HANS
(his usual calm)
Heinz ?
149 INT. LOBBY - SAME 149
Heinz picks up his CB. He watches Powell coming up the stairs
toward the door.

HEINZ
(to CB)
Yes?
HANS' VOICE
Let him in.




A98
41
Genres: ["Action","Thriller"]

Summary Powell arrives at the building where McClane is trapped and reports to his radio. McClane drops into the machine room and heads to the stairwell. On the roof, Heinrich spots Powell's car. Karl and his team set up a machine gun nest on the 3rd floor. Hans calls Heinz in the lobby and gives permission to let Powell in.
Strengths "Intense action with high stakes as the terrorists set up a machine gun nest to take out Powell."
Weaknesses "Limited dialogue and character development."
Critique Overall, this scene has good pacing and interesting tension with multiple threads happening simultaneously. However, there are a few areas that could be improved.

Firstly, the character description for Heinrich and Alexander is not clear enough. The audience needs a clear idea of what these characters look like. Additionally, it is unclear what the objective of Karl, Franco, and Fritz is on the 3rd floor. The audience should be given more information about their goals and what they plan to accomplish.

Secondly, the dialogue could be stronger. The call between Hans and Heinz is very brief and doesn't add much to the story. It could be cut down or rewritten to provide more insight into Hans' character and his goals.

Lastly, there could be more visual descriptions throughout the scene to help the audience understand the layout of the building and the location of various characters. This will help to keep the audience invested and engaged in the action.

Overall, this scene is interesting and well-paced, but could benefit from clearer character descriptions and stronger dialogue. More visual descriptions of the setting would also be helpful in keeping the audience engaged.
Suggestions Here are some suggestions to improve the scene:

1. Add more visual and sensory details to help the audience imagine the setting and atmosphere. For example, describe the weather, the time of day, the sound of traffic outside, the smell of the machine room.

2. Introduce more conflict to raise the stakes and create tension. Perhaps there could be a time limit for McClane to complete his mission, or he could encounter obstacles that make his job more difficult.

3. Develop the characters more fully so that the audience cares about what happens to them. For example, reveal more about Powell's personal life or his motivations for getting involved in the situation.

4. Use dialogue that is more impactful and memorable. Hans Gruber is a famous cinematic villain, so perhaps he could have more iconic lines that stick with audiences long after they leave the theater.

5. Consider the pacing of the scene and whether it is building towards a satisfying payoff. Does the action escalate in a clear and exciting way? Are there enough surprises and twists to keep the audience engaged?



Scene 21 -  McClane vs. Marco
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 8
150 EXT. FRONT DOOR OF NAKATOMI - SAME 150
Powell tries the front doors. Locked. Heinz comes hustling
across and unlocks the door.
HEINZ
Something wrong officer?
Powell steps in and looks around.
POWELL
We got an emergency call that
there was a problem here.
151 INT. 40TH FLOOR - BOARD ROOM - SAME 151
McClane makes his way to the Avenue of the Stars side of the
building, enters the board room where Rivers was shot. McClane
goes to the windows and looks down at the street.
i
. / 152 HIS P.O.V. 152
Powell's car.
MCCLANE
It's about time.
1
^N He lifts one of the big chairs and swings it at the window.
, ( The tempered glass whitens on the first blow.
153 EXT. ROOF - SAME 153
HEINRICH, the terrorist on the roof hears a SOUND and looks
down and sees the board room window crack from McClane's blow.
He lifts his CB.
154 INT. LOBBY 154
Heinz watches confidently as Powell moves through the lobby
looking for signs of trouble. Suddenly, Heinz notices a pool
of blood from the shooting of the desk guard next to sign-in
table. He looks up just as Powell starts toward him.
155 BOARD ROOM - 40TH FLOOR 155
McClane draws the chair back for the final hit when a terrorist
(MARCO) appears at the door. Both men react, but Marco already
has his gun up. He fires a round at McClane. The bullets rip
into the table top and the chair, and McClane goes down behind
the table.
156 INT. 39TH FLOOR - SAFE ROOM 156
Theo, now in goggles, uses a huge machine to bore quarter-size
holes into the safe. He turns it off hears the gunshots on the
floor above. He moves into the outside room to listen better,
then looks back at.his kit bags of equipment as if making a
decision.
A98
42
157 INT. 40TH FLOOR - BOARD ROOM 157
Marco smiles and moves around to the other side of the table,
but finds no body. He looks around frantically then squats
beneath the table and sees:
158 MCCLANE 158
lying prone, his pistol trained on him.
MCCLANE
Drop it.
159 BOARD ROOM DOORWAY 159
Just then Heinrich, the terrorist on the roof, steps into,
the doorway. He sees McClane and starts to fire, but McClane
fires twice and kills him. Marco springs on top of the huge
table. McClane rolls on his back so he can cover either angle
! but it is clear that Marco is in the more enviable position.
/
160 ON MARCO 160
on the tabletop slams in a fresh magazine and smiles.
MARCO
You should have killed me when
/«"*, you had the chance...
He leans his machine gun over the edge.
161 MCCLANE 161
aims directly above him and fires twice into the underside of
the table. The bullets rip through the table and Marco.
162 SAFE ROOM - ON THEO 162
On the SOUND OF THE GUNSHOTS, he stops, listens.
163 INT. LOBBY - SAME 163
Powell comes back to Heinz — moving steadily toward the table
and the pool of blood. He pauses next to the table, his shoe
just touching the blood, but he doesn't see it.
HEINZ
What exactly are you looking for?
POWELL
Well, we got a report of a
terrorist takeover.
HEINZ
(grins slowly,
looks around)
Ain't no Arabs in here.

A9g (CONTINUED)
43
Genres: ["Action","Thriller"]

Summary McClane faces off against terrorist Marco in a gun battle in the board room, while Powell and Heinrich search for clues to the terrorist takeover.
Strengths "The action-packed gun battle between McClane and Marco is thrilling and intense, keeping the audience on the edge of their seats. The tension is high throughout the scene, as Powell and Heinrich search for clues to the terrorist takeover. The use of POV shots adds to the excitement."
Weaknesses "The dialogue is somewhat simplistic and lacks depth, though this is common in action movies. The characterization of Heinrich and the other terrorists is somewhat one-dimensional."
Critique As a screenwriting AI model, I'm not an expert but I can provide a few observations on the scene.

The scene is fast-paced and full of action, which makes it entertaining for the viewer. However, there are a few areas of improvement that could be considered:

- The scene transitions from Powell trying the front doors to McClane in the board room abruptly. It could benefit from a smoother transition or a brief establishing shot to help the audience contextualize the change in location.

- The dialogue between Powell and Heinz feels somewhat stilted and unnatural. It could benefit from more realistic conversation patterns and perhaps a bit of character development to make the characters more relatable and interesting to watch.

- The action sequence with McClane and the terrorists is exciting, but some of the descriptions of the action could be clearer. For example, it's not entirely clear how McClane manages to shoot Marco through the table without exposing himself to gunfire.

Overall, the scene does a good job of building tension and excitement while moving the plot forward. With a few tweaks to the dialogue and action descriptions, it could be even more engaging for the viewers.
Suggestions Here are some suggestions to improve the scene:

1. Increase the tension in the lobby scene by having Powell and Heinz engage in more dialogue that foreshadows the danger that lies ahead.

2. Show more of McClane's struggle as he tries to break the window, such as his hands becoming bloody or him struggling to lift the heavy chair.

3. Add a scene or two that establishes McClane's character and his relationship with his wife, so that his actions in the rest of the movie have more emotional weight.

4. Consider adding more visual details to the scene, such as the decor of the board room or the equipment that Theo uses to open the safe, to make the world of the movie feel more lived-in and realistic.

5. Find ways to show the inner lives of the terrorists, rather than just focusing on McClane's actions. This could be done through flashbacks or dialogue that reveals their motivations and backgrounds.



Scene 22 -  Powell Under Fire
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 7
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 6
163 CONTINUED: 163
/*v . POWELL
No, I guess not...Well, I got a
pregnant wife at home wondering
what the hell's keeping her Twinkies...
(a slip, sees Heinz's
puzzled look)
Forget it. Merry Christmas.
HEINZ
Merry Christmas.
Powell starts toward the door. Heinz watches him and sees the
cop's first three steps leave bloody footprints, but Powell
doesn't see.
164 INT. 40TH FLOOR BOARD ROOM - SAME 164
McClane rolls out from under the table, goes to the windows,
and looks down in time to see Powell close his car door.
MCCLANE
Oh, man, don't even think about it.
He looks over his shoulder at the body of Marco.
/*N 165 INT. POWELL'S POLICE CAR - SAME 165
Powell checks-in on his radio.
POWELL
One Adam-nine to 6421. Code
four on that 436. Requesting
code eight. Over.
He releases the talk button and loosens his tie as he waits for
confirmation.
POWELL
(singing softly)
Ohhhh, you better watch out, you
better not cry —
DISPATCHER'S VOICE/RADIO
Roger, One Adam-nine. Clear to
code eight.
Powell hangs up the radio and puts the car into reverse.
POWELL
(to himself)
f« Thank you. Sir...
(CONTINUED)


A98
44
165 CONTINUED: 165
f* POWELL (Cont.)
(singing again louder)
...you better not pout I'm telling
you why...Santa Claus is coming to —
Suddenly Marco's body crashes onto the hood of his car.
POWELL
(terrified)
Shit!
(grabbing for his
radio)
6421, this is One Adam-nine —
Suddenly a barrage of machine gun fire from the 3rd floor drowns
out his call. Powell ducks and flattens against the seat as
bullets blow out the front window, covering him in glass. His
radio comes back, calmly.
DISPATCHER'S VOICE/RADIO
Roger, One Adam-nine, please repeat.
But Powell accelerates in reverse away from the building,
keeping his head low and praying he doesn't hit anything as
the bullets follow him digging into asphalt. A half block away
his car runs up onto the sidewalk and crashes into a store front.
Powell sits up and clutches the mike.
POWELL
One Adam-nine, under automatic rifle
fire at Nakatomi! Requesting
immediate backup and SWAT assistance...
166 INT. 40TH FLOOR - BOARD ROOM 166
McClane looks down at Powell and grins.
MCCLANE
Welcome to the party, boys.
We've been missing you.
167 EXT. KCBS NEWS TRUCK - CENTURY CITY - NIGHT 167
Sirens wail as police cars arrive and barricades go up. The
KCBS news truck pulls up to a prime location.
168 INT. HOSTAGE WING - ON ELLIS - SAME 168
He leans back and closes his eyes, luxuriating in the
sound of WAILING POLICE SIRENS.
ELLIS
I never thought I'd love to
hear that sound.


A98
45
Genres: ["action","thriller"]

Summary Powell arrives at the Nakatomi building while McClane evades his pursuers and faces off against a terrorist in the board room. Powell's car is shot at and he crashes it into a store. Meanwhile, Thornburg and his news team arrive to report on the situation.
Strengths "The tension is high throughout the scene, with multiple conflicts and missions occurring simultaneously. The introduction of Powell adds a new layer to the story and raises the stakes. The characterization of McClane as a tough and resourceful protagonist is maintained."
Weaknesses "The dialogue is mostly functional and does not add much to the characterization or theme of the story. The scene could benefit from tighter pacing, as it feels slightly drawn-out."
Critique Overall, this scene reads well and effectively builds tension and suspense. However, there are a few areas that could benefit from improvement:

- In the first exchange between Powell and Heinz, the slip about the Twinkies feels a bit forced and unnecessary. It doesn't add anything to the scene and could be cut without losing any impact.
- The transition from McClane looking at Marco's body to the scene in Powell's police car is jarring and could be a smoother transition.
- The radio chatter between Powell and the dispatcher feels a bit lengthy and repetitive. It could be condensed without losing any information or impact.
- The exchange between McClane and Ellis at the end feels a bit overdramatic and unrealistic. It may benefit from a bit more nuance and subtlety in the dialogue.

Overall, this scene effectively sets up the action and suspense to come, though there may be some room for improvement in fine-tuning the dialogue and transitions.
Suggestions Firstly, it would be helpful to establish the location and the characters a bit more clearly at the start of the scene, perhaps through descriptions of the setting or visual cues. The dialogue is also a bit vague and could benefit from more specific language and characterizations. For example, Powell's slip about his wife and Twinkies seems out of place and could be replaced with more natural dialogue that reveals more about his character. Additionally, the action could be more clearly and precisely described to draw the reader in and increase tension, such as describing the bloody footprints or the moment when Marco's body crashes onto the hood of Powell's car. Overall, there could be more attention to detail and specificity to make the scene feel more immersive and engaging for the reader.



Scene 23 -  McClane and Theo Team Up
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 7
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 8
169 HANS' OFFICE 169
f* Stands by the window looking out at the arriving police cars
when suddenly his CB crackles to life.
MCCLANE'S VOICE
(o.s.)
Hey, Hans? Hope you got a good
view of this?
HANS
(to CB)
Congratulations, Mr. Barefoot
man on bringing reinforcements
even if they can't help you.
170 INT. 40TH FLOOR - ON MCCLANE - SAME 170
Moving down the corridor. Now armed with Marco's machine gun
< and carrying his kit bag, he seems more lethal.
MCCLANE
(to Hans, CB)
We'll see about that, buddy.
He turns off his radio and turns a corner when a door in front
of him suddenly swings open and Theo stands unarmed in the
doorway. McClane seems only a hairbreadth from firing but the
sight of the clean-cut man, not unlike a junior executive,
causes him to suddenly lower his gun.
MCCLANE
Jesus...You nearly gave me a
fucking heart attack.
Theo, realizing McClane doesn't suspect him of being one of the
group, suddenly grins.
THEO
(seeing McClane's
badge)
Thank God, you're here...
MCCLANE
Hey, I ain't the cavalry, fella.
C'mon we've got to keep moving.
He pushes Theo ahead of him and they move down the hall.
171 INT. 32ND FLOOR - SAME 171
Karl steps off the elevator and goes through the crowd of hostages
to report to Hans.
(CONTINUED)


A98
46
171 CONTINUED: 171
KARL *
He killed Marco and threw his
body out the window. Heinrich and
Theo don't answer their calls.
Suddenly they hear Powell's voice over the CB.
POWELL'S VOICE
This is Sergeant Al Powell of the
Los Angeles Police Department.
If the person who radioed for
help can hear me, acknowledge this
transmission...1 repeat...
172 INT. 40TH FLOOR - ON MCCLANE - NIGHT 172
and Theo moving down the corridor, they hear the transmission
) also. McClane stops Theo and grabs his CB.
MCCLANE
(to CB)
That's okay, you got him. You
the guy in the car?
INTERCUT:
' 173 EXT. POLICE OPERATIONS TRAILER 173
Powell stands in front of his destroyed cruiser and looks up
at the building. Behind him technicians, City Power and Light
personnel, SWAT officers in protective gear, move in all
directions. A trailer is being backed into a side street,
which will become the police center of operations. It is like
watching a small town being constructed right before your eyes,
POWELL
(to CB)
What's left of him. I left my
stomach over there. Can you
identify yourself?
MCCLANE
Not now. Let me tell you what I
can quickly, because I might have
to get out of here fast. These
guys mean business. Besides the
peashooters they went after you
with they've also got anti-tank
weapons and surface to air missies.
/?P\ POWELL
How many are there?
(CONTINUED)

A98
47
Genres: ["Action","Thriller"]

Summary McClane teams up with Theo and receives a distress call from Powell while Hans overlooks the police cars arriving
Strengths "The tense dialogue between McClane and Powell adds to the overall tension of the film"
Weaknesses "The scene may feel slow for some viewers"
Critique As a screenwriting expert, I would say that this scene is well-written in terms of its pacing and building of tension. The dialogue between McClane and Hans is sharp and revealing of their antagonistic relationship. The introduction of Theo as a potential ally is also interesting and adds a new dynamic to the story. Overall, the scene effectively sets up the stakes for the rest of the action and establishes the danger of the situation. However, it could benefit from more descriptive language to help visualize the setting and action more clearly. Additionally, some of the dialogue, particularly the exchange between McClane and Powell, feels a bit stilted and unnatural. It could be improved by adding more colloquial language and tightening up the wording.
Suggestions Here are some suggestions to improve this scene:

1. Add more tension and suspense to the scene by describing the characters' emotions and reactions more vividly.

2. Develop the relationship between McClane and Theo further to create a more interesting dynamic.

3. Expand on the police operation outside the building to add more complexity and excitement to the scene.

4. Consider adding a twist or unexpected moment to keep the audience engaged.

5. Play with the pacing and structure of the scene to keep it fresh and unpredictable.



Scene 24 -  Communication Breakdown
  • Overall: 7.0
  • Concept: 7
  • Plot: 7
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 7
173 CONTINUED: 173
f* MCCLANE
Don't know but I've killed three,
including the one who fell out
of Santa's sleigh.
POWELL
(dryly)
Yeah, let's not forget him.
MCCLANE
The leader goes by the name, Hans.
He's locked down the elevators.
Also, I haven't found one of them
yet who didn't carry a radio so you
can bet they're monitoring this
call. Channel twenty-six seems to
be their inter-office number but
they move it around and it's in
German, so get someone who speaks
it to give you a play by play.
POWELL
Sounds like you know this
bunch pretty well.
fm*. MCCLANE
' We've gotten pretty intimate
waiting on you guys to get here.
POWELL
I hear you...Well, we're here
now, partner...What do I call you?
MCCLANE
'Partner' suits me fine.
POWELL
You got it. Now, listen to me,
if you think of anything else you
let me know. In the meantime I want
you to find a safe place and hole-up
and let us do our job. Understand?
MCCLANE
(to CB)
They're all yours, Al. Good luck.
McClane turns off his CB and sits against the wall. Theo
slumps against the wall opposite McClane, beneath a roster of
offices and names for the floor.
THEO
Why wouldn't you tell them your
name?
(CONTINUED)
A98
48

173 CONTINUED: (2) 173

f*^ McClane pulls out a candy bar from the kit bag and offers Theo
one. Theo shakes his head and McClane unwraps it.

MCCLANE
Just something I don't want
broadcast everywhere.

THEO
You got a friend or something
downstairs?

MCCLANE
(beat)
You're a smart guy.

Theo grins, and ties his shoe.

MCCLANE
It's McClane...John McClane.

Theo extends a hand across the corridor.

THEO
(shaking hands
with McClane)
>», Bill Clay.

MCCLANE
This usual for you to be working
on Christmas Eve?

THEO
Getting ready to go to Mexico
next week. Trying to finish up
some work.

McClane pulls out another candy bar and offers it to Theo.
This time the terrorist takes it. McClane looks around the
darkened hallways. He clearly doesn't like it. Casually
McClane's glance goes over Theo's head.

174 HIS P.O.V. 174

The roster of names of employees.

175 CLOSER 175

We MOVE DOWN the row of names beginning with C on the roster —
passing CAMPBELL, S.; CLAY, Wm.; CRAWFORD, L. and suddenly we're
in the D's.
yffS*\

176 ON MCCLANE 176

His glance drops subtly from the roster and he takes another
bite of his candy bar.

A98 (CONTINUED)
49
Genres: ["Action","Thriller"]

Summary Powell and McClane talk about the terrorists and Hans, while Theo and McClane talk about McClane's identity.
Strengths "Strong dialogue and character interactions."
Weaknesses "Some stiff exposition and lack of real action."
Critique Overall, the scene is well-written with clear dialogue, action, and character development. The tension created by the terrorist threat and McClane's isolation is effectively conveyed. However, one potential issue is that the scene relies heavily on dialogue to convey information and develop character, without much visual action. This can make the scene feel static and less engaging for viewers. Additionally, some of the dialogue exchanges feel somewhat contrived or unrealistic, particularly McClane and Theo's casual conversation despite being in a life-threatening situation. The scene could benefit from more visual action or moments of heightened tension to break up the dialogue-heavy sections and make the stakes feel more immediate and urgent.
Suggestions Here are some suggestions to improve this scene:

1. Add more tension and urgency to the scene. Right now, it feels like McClane and Powell are having a casual conversation, which doesn't fit the situation they're in. Consider adding more urgency in their tone of voice or having them discuss a pressing issue or challenge they're facing.

2. Develop the relationship between McClane and Powell more. Right now, Powell is just a voice on the other end of the radio and their relationship feels flat. Consider adding a personal connection between them or a backstory that connects them.

3. Edit down the dialogue. The conversation between McClane and Powell is somewhat repetitive and could be condensed. Consider what information is essential to the scene and what can be cut.

4. Make the conversation more specific. Right now, most of the conversation is about the terrorists and their radio communication. Consider adding more specific details about them or their plan to give the audience a better understanding of the conflict.

5. Use visual elements to enhance the scene. Right now, the scene consists mostly of two characters talking. Consider adding more visual elements, such as shots of the terrorists or the environment they're in, to make the scene more dynamic.



Scene 25 -  Explosive Discovery
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 6
  • Dialogue: 7
176 CONTINUED: 176
MCCLANE
You know how to use a handgun,
Bill?
THEO
No.
McClane pulls out his Beretta pops out the magazine, jams in a
fresh one, and hands it to him.
MCCLANE
Time to learn.
177 EXT. POLICE OPERATIONS - WILSHIRE - SAME 177
An unmarked police car pulls up across the street from Nakatomi
building and a MAN in a sportcoat climbs out. Stocky, his
hair a little too perfect, the very fact that he is the
i Deputy Chief of Police Operations on a Christmas Eve gives some
evidence to his position in the pecking order. His name is
DWAYNE T. ROBINSON and he moves brusquely past police technicians
into:
178 THE MOBILE POLICE UNIT 178
and goes to a uniformed officer.
ROBINSON
Who's talking to them?
Powell turns around.
POWELL
I am, Sir...Sergeant Al Powell.
ROBINSON
Dwayne Robinson. What's the story,
Sergeant?
POWELL
We've got a lone man in there who
says terrorists took over the
building and have killed at least
one of their hostages. He claims
to have killed three of them.
ROBINSON
How're we talking to them?
POWELL
(
**"
• CB, they've cut phone lines inside.
Powell hands him a headset.
(CONTINUED)

A98
50

178 CONTINUED: 178
f* ROBINSON
(slipping on the
headset)
What about the terrorists? Have
you talked to them?
POWELL
They don't answer us.
ROBINSON
(sarcastically)
Great...
We CAN SEE Robinson already hates the complications. Here's a
man more adept at handling two punks in an empty Safeway. He
is clearly not ready to deal with a situation where the
terrorists won't talk. Just then, two plainclothes MEN enter
J the trailer and show their I.D. to the guard. Their presence
f further upsets Robinson.
179 INT. STAIRWELL - SAME 179
McClane and Theo come down the stairwell from the 40th floor.
McClane tries the door to the 39th floor — the handle moves in
his hand. McClane looks up and re-checks the floor number by
/**** the door frame, then opens the door. Both men move out onto:
180 THE 39TH FLOOR 180
and down a corridor. As they move McClane notices something
along the floor jam.
181 HIS P.O.V. 181
A plastic explosive charge.
182 MCCLANE 182
moves carefully past it and another, drawn toward a lighted
office at the end of the hallway.
183 INT. OFFICE 183
McClane moves into the office, which we RECOGNIZE as the anteroom
to the safe room. The door connecting the safe room has been
closed, hiding the safe and drill press. Theo's three bags,
however sit on the table and McClane goes straight for them.
Theo steps into the room behind him. He spies something else
on the table.
f* 184 HIS P.O.V. 184
the Walther.


A98
51
185 THEO 185
Looks up and watches McClane open the first bag containing the
plastic explosives.
THEO
What...what is it?
MCCLANE
Plastic explosives. Like those
in the hall.
THEO
(suddenly)
They were going to blow the
building.
MCCLANE
(dryly)
That's sharp thinking, Bill.
He places a couple of packets next to the Walther and hurriedly
opens the second bag.
186 INSERT 186
The contents: Detonators.
/s^N
Genres: ["action","thriller"]

Summary McClane and Theo move down to the 39th floor where they find plastic explosives, indicating that the terrorists were planning to blow up the building. McClane quickly gathers the explosives and detenators, while Deputy Chief Robinson struggles to communicate with the terrorists.
Strengths "Building tension and stakes effectively; showing the terrorists' plan with the explosives adds a new layer to the plot"
Weaknesses "Deputy Chief Robinson is a flat character without much development"
Critique Overall, this scene seems to be setting up the groundwork for the rest of the story. From a technical standpoint, the formatting and dialogue are correct. However, there are some areas for improvement.

Firstly, the dialogue between McClane and Theo lacks depth and nuance. It feels like a standard action film exchange and does not give much insight into their characters or motivations.

Secondly, the introduction of Deputy Chief Robinson feels a bit clunky. The description of his appearance and position feels forced and could be integrated more smoothly into the scene.

Thirdly, the reveal of the plastic explosives and detonators feels a bit too convenient. It could be more effective if there was some build-up or foreshadowing earlier in the story.

Overall, this scene sets up the tension and danger of the situation but could benefit from more nuanced dialogue and stronger foreshadowing.
Suggestions One suggestion to improve this scene could be to focus more on the tension and danger of the situation. While it's important to establish the characters and their roles, the scene could benefit from building the stakes and increasing the sense of urgency. One way to do this could be to show more of the surrounding chaos and panic, such as in the police operation outside or through intercut scenes of the hostages being held inside the building. Additionally, adding in some obstacles or complications for McClane and Theo as they move through the building could heighten the suspense and keep the audience on the edge of their seats. Finally, considering adding some more character development or conflict between McClane and Theo to add depth and keep the viewers invested in their journey.



Scene 26 -  McClane and Theo's Standoff
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 9
  • Dialogue: 8
187 MCCLANE 187
throws the second bag over his shoulder. Theo watches him.
THEO
Why are we taking them?
MCCLANE
Leverage. C'mon let's get out of
here.

He starts for the door. Theo watches him for a moment then
brings up the Beretta aiming it right at McClane's face and
cocks it.

THEO
Put them down and drop your
machine gun on the floor.

McClane just looks at him.

MCCLANE
^ Why wire the top floors, Bill?
(CONTINUED)



A98
52

187 CONTINUED: 187

' THEO
Don't worry about it. Drop
your gun.

Instead, McClane slowly raises his machine gun and aims it
at Theo. Theo pulls the trigger — the gun clicks empty.
Theo's eyes go to the Walther on the table. McClane follows
his glance.

MCCLANE
Don't try it.

Theo looks back challengingly, McClane recognizes the look.

MCCLANE
And don't tell me I won't do it.

But Theo breaks for the pistol and McClane levels him with a
burst from the machine gun. For a moment he just looks at the
dead terrorist, then retrieves his Browning and exchanges
magazines.

(** 188 INT. 39TH FLOOR - OFFICE 188
Dark. A light comes on and McClane quickly moves to the desk.
He takes out a handful of detonators and puts them in his
other kit bag, then puts the main bag of detonators in the
trash can under the desk covering it with the trash, and
sliding it back under the desk again.

189 INT. POLICE TRAILER - SAME 189

Robinson and Powell when McClane calls them on the CB.

MCCLANE'S VOICE/RADIO
Hey, Al...are you there?

POWELL
Yeah, partner, what's up?

INTERCUT:

190 MCCLANE 190

T He sits on the floor below a bank of windows.
(CONTINUED)


A98
53
190 CONTINUED: 190

MCCLANE
There * s a new development.
They've got high explosives
up here. Plastics.
POWELL
Hey, man, I work a desk. You're
going to have to spell these
things out for me.

MCCLANE
Think of it like this then,
they've got enough stuff up
here to turn this place into
Century Canyon...
| 191 ON ROBINSON 191
/
Listening with everyone else.

ROBINSON
(to himself)
Great.

192 ON MCCLANE 192
MCCLANE
...On the other hand I've got
the detonators.
INTERCUT:

193 POWELL 193
In the police trailer.

POWELL
Listen, partner...throw them out.
The first thing we need to do
is reduce the chance of disaster.
MCCLANE
I have...until they catch me.
Also, chalk up another one dead.
POWELL
Jesus...
HANS' VOICE/RADIO .
(o.s.; cutting in)
Mr. Barefoot man? Can you hear me?


A98
54
194 ROBINSON 194
stJM.!\ looks at a technician.
ROBINSON
(to technician)
You got that recorder hooked
up? I want it running.
195 INT. HANS' OFFICE - SAME 195
Hans talking on CB to McClane. Karl stands to the side.
MCLANE/RADIO
(o.s.)
Yeah, I hear you. t
Genres: ["Action","Thriller"]

Summary McClane and Theo have a stand-off in an office on the 39th floor, where they find a stash of explosives. McClane gains the upper hand and kills Theo, but now Powell and Robinson know about the explosives and McClane is running out of options.
Strengths
  • Tight writing and pacing build suspense and tension throughout the scene.
  • The standoff between McClane and Theo effectively shows McClane's resourcefulness and determination.
Weaknesses
  • The dialogue could be more nuanced and memorable.
  • The scene could benefit from more character development.
Critique Overall, this scene is well-written and does a good job of building tension. However, there are a few areas for improvement.

Firstly, there could be more description of the setting and character actions to help the reader visualize the scene more clearly. For example, in the beginning when McClane is throwing the bags over his shoulders, it's not clear where he is or what he's doing until Theo speaks.

Secondly, there is some clunky dialogue that could be revised for better flow and authenticity. For example, when Theo says "Don't worry about it. Drop your gun." it feels too contrived and cliché. It would be more effective to have him say something more specific to the situation or character.

Finally, the action at the end of the scene feels rushed and could benefit from more detail. The transition from Theo aiming the gun at McClane to McClane shooting him with the machine gun happens quickly and could be more fleshed out to have a greater impact on the reader. Additionally, there is no description of Theo falling to the ground, which would add to the realism and suspense of the moment.

Overall, this scene has strong elements but could use some polishing to make it even more effective.
Suggestions One suggestion to improve the scene would be to add more specific details about the setting and character actions/descriptions to enhance the tension and suspense. For example, describing the lighting and atmosphere in the office building, specifying the type of machine gun McClane is using and how he handles it, and including more physical descriptions of Theo and his movements during the confrontation with McClane. Additionally, it would be helpful to clarify the characters' emotions and motivations in the scene, such as why McClane is taking the detonators and how Theo feels about being threatened by McClane. Finally, adding more dialogue between the characters to build tension and reveal more about their personalities and objectives could also improve the scene.



Scene 27 -  Detonators and Truces
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 10
  • Characters: 9
  • Dialogue: 9
HANS
I'm calling to offer you a truce.
i i Put the detonators on an elevator
/ and retreat to a safe place and
1
we won't bother you anymore. I
i give you my word.
i
196 MCCLANE 196
MCCLANE
i Let's see, is that the same word
f^ you gave Rivers before you shot him?
HANS' VOICE
(O.S.)
Believe me when I tell you
that there are those among us
who would like nothing more than
to hunt you down and kill you.
MCCLANE
Who...you mean, Karl? Hey,
Karl, come on up and I'll tell
you just how it felt to break
his brother's neck.
He hears Karl let out a yell and Hans' radio goes dead.
McClane lets out a breath and leans back. The tough guy
act is difficult. He waits and his radio comes back with
Hans.
HANS' VOICE/RADIO
(o.s.)
It's more than idle curiosity
how you know some of our names.
I feel at a slight disadvantage
not knowing, yours.
(CONTINUED)

A98
55
Genres: ["Action","Thriller"]

Summary Hans offers McClane a truce in exchange for the detonators, McClane rebukes the offer, and Karl is provoked before losing communication with Hans.
Strengths "The tense standoff between McClane and Hans adds to the tension of the plot, with the added stakes of Karl's potential retaliation."
Weaknesses "The dialogue is a little on the nose, with characters making explicit threats and promises."
Critique The scene is well-written in terms of dialogue and character development. It sets up a tense conversation between Hans and McClane, highlighting the power dynamic between the two characters. However, it would benefit from more visual description to add depth and tension to the scene. The actions and body language of the characters should be included to enhance the potential conflict and increase the stakes. Additionally, the scene could benefit from more varied sentence structure to keep the reader engaged and add more tension to the conversation. Overall, minor tweaks to the scene could increase its impact and make it more engaging for the viewer.
Suggestions Here are a few suggestions to improve the scene:

1. Increase the tension: The scene lacks tension and doesn't keep the audience on the edge of their seats. One way to increase tension is to show McClane's vulnerability. Maybe he's wounded or trapped in a dangerous situation. This way, the audience will be more invested in the scene and root for McClane.

2. Use more visuals: The scene is mostly dialogue, but adding more visuals could improve the pacing and keep the audience engaged. Maybe show Karl or Hans reacting physically to McClane's threats. Or, show McClane's surroundings to give the audience a sense of the danger he's in.

3. Develop the characters: The scene doesn't reveal much about the characters, which could make them feel one-dimensional. Adding more depth to them could make the scene more enjoyable. For instance, diving into why Hans is doing what he's doing or showing McClane's emotional journey could add more layers to the scene.

4. Shorten the dialogue: Although the dialogue is catchy, it can feel a bit lengthy. Simplifying the dialogue and getting to the point could improve the scene's pacing.

5. Add humor: A bit of humor could add some levity to the tense situation and make the scene more memorable. Maybe McClane cracks a joke, or there's an unexpected reaction from Hans or Karl.

By incorporating these suggestions, the scene could be improved, making it a memorable moment in the film.



Scene 28 -  Stand-Off on the 39th Floor
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 7
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 7
  • Dialogue: 7
196 CONTINUED: 196
(*** MCCLANE
You'll get over it.
HANS' VOICE/RADIO
(o.s.)
You have a very cavalier attitude
for someone who probably has a
loved one on this very floor.
MCCLANE
You got the wrong guy, fella.
I was just up here fixing the
cigarette machines when you
came barging in.
INTERCUT:
197 HANS 197
HANS
A vending machine repairman who
breaks people's necks?
MCCLANE
It's a tough business.
f^ HANS
And it will get tougher. I
promise.
MCCLANE
Well, it's a big building, Hans.
Lotsa luck, fella.
198 POLICE TRAILER - SAME 198
Robinson turns quickly to his radio operator.
ROBINSON
Quick, patch me in there.
(to Hans)
Hans? Is that your name? This
is Captain Dwayne Robinson. LAPD.
Is anyone hurt in there or need
medical help?
INTERCUT:
199 HANS 199
HANS
/*N Everyone is fine, Mr. Robinson.
ROBINSON
What do you want? Let's talk.
(CONTINUED)
A98
56
199 CONTINUED: 199
HANS
f* (chuckles)
You are eager, aren't you?
Please sit back and relax, we
will contact you when we are
ready.
Hans turns off his radio.
200 POLICE TRAILER - ON ROBINSON 200
ROBINSON
Wait, wait...
(realizing he's
been cut off)
Shit...
The two well-dressed men chuckle at. Robinson's frustration.
The big man lights a cigarette for the smaller one.
Robinson turns on them angrily.
ROBINSON
Who are you guys with?
They each pull out their I.D. and flash it at him.
/ffi^TS LITTLE JOHNSON
Special Agents Johnson and
Johnson, FBI.
BIG JOHNSON
Sounds like you're in for
a fun Christmas Eve, Chief.
ROBINSON
You want to crack jokes, go
up to Sunset. This isn't
your operation anyway.
BIG JOHNSON
Hey, we're just here to observe
or if you want to bounce ideas
off of us or...
LITTLE JOHNSON
(more seriously)
...Or, if it should suddenly
become our operation.
He lets the implication of a possible changeover hang for
a moment. It isn't lost on Robinson.
(^ ROBINSON
Just stay the hell out of my way.
(turning back)
Johnson and Johnson...Jesus?...
(CONTINUED)
A98
57
Genres: ["Action","Thriller"]

Summary After discovering the terrorists' plan to blow up the building, McClane and Theo have a stand-off where McClane kills Theo. Hans offers a truce in exchange for the detonators, which McClane rejects, leading to Karl losing communication with Hans.
Strengths "The scene has a strong conflict level and high stakes, as well as building tension between characters and advancing the plot."
Weaknesses "The dialogue and character development could be stronger, and the scene could benefit from a more impactful theme."
Critique There are several things that can be improved in this scene. First of all, there is a lack of clear conflict and tension between McClane and Hans. Their exchange feels somewhat flat and doesn't build up to any satisfying payoff.

Additionally, the introduction of the FBI agents feels forced and doesn't add much to the scene's tension. It feels like a needless distraction from the main conflict between McClane and Hans.

Overall, the scene could benefit from clearer and more focused conflict and tension, as well as a better integration of the FBI agents into the story.
Suggestions 1. Increase tension: The scene seems to lack tension and drama. You can raise the stakes by having a character's life or a significant object at risk. For example, you could make it seem like Hans has discovered McClane's wife is in the building, and he has to save her.

2. Add conflict: The scene needs more conflict between Hans and McClane. Perhaps you can have them face off physically or have McClane threaten Hans with a clever one-liner.

3. Develop characters: You could give more time to developing the characters of Johnson and Johnson, making them more memorable. Maybe they have a unique personality trait or skill set that could be helpful later in the story.

4. Cut down dialogue: The dialogue in the scene feels too long and unnecessary. Look for parts that can be cut or rephrased to make the conversation more concise and meaningful.

5. Add visual elements: Screenplays are visual, so think about how you can add more cinematic elements to the scene. For instance, you can show the police surrounding the building, or McClane reacting to something happening outside.

6. Create suspense: Create suspense by having Hans monitoring McClane (through security cameras or other means) while he thinks he's alone. That way, the audience will feel uneasy about McClane's safety.



Scene 29 -  Stand-off and Rejection
  • Overall: 7.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 6
  • Dialogue: 7
200 CONTINUED: 200
Big Johnson grins and stops a uniformed cop going out the
door of the trailer.
BIG JOHNSON
Where's the coffee around here?
201 INT. HOSTAGE FLOOR - NIGHT 201
Hans and Karl. Karl preps his weapon with a hunter's
obsession for detail.
HANS
Find him and the detonators....
Karl leaves and Hans watches from the doorway. Suddenly
he notices Holly staring at him from her place on the floor.
She holds his look boldly.
HOLLY
/ Why don't you want to talk to them?
HANS
The police? Why should I?
HOLLY
You want to get away, don't you?
/^if\
You can negotiate that.
HANS
I have many worries...but
'getting away' is not one of
them.
HOLLY •
But if you don't talk to them...
sooner or later they'll attack.
Hans stares at Holly, this makes Ellis even more uncomfortable
and he tries to quiet her. But she holds Hans' look.
HANS
(to Holly, beat)
You seem to know a good deal
about what the police might do.
HOLLY
(flatly)
Common sense.
HANS
Do you have children?
Genres: []

Summary McClane and Theo have a stand-off where McClane kills Theo. Hans offers a truce in exchange for the detonators, which McClane rejects, leading to Karl losing communication with Hans.
Strengths "Tense stand-off scene and a rejection of the truce offer with high stakes"
Weaknesses "Dialogue falls short in parts"
Critique As an AI language model, I am not an expert in screenwriting. However, I can still provide feedback and critique on the given scene from a storytelling perspective.

The scene opens with Big Johnson stopping a uniform cop and asking for coffee. This feels like a tonal shift from the tense hostage situation that we were previously shown. The dialogue also feels a bit forced and unnecessary in terms of moving the plot forward.

Moving on to the second part of the scene, we see Hans and Karl in a room prepping for the hostage situation. The dialogue between Holly and Hans serves to establish their relationship and Holly's attempt to reason with the hostage-taker. However, the conversation feels a bit awkward and stilted, lacking the natural flow of a real conversation.

Overall, the scene is serviceable in terms of moving the plot forward, but it lacks the emotional depth and tension that would make it truly engaging. The dialogue could benefit from some rewrites to make it feel more natural and convincing. Additionally, the scene could benefit from more visual and sensory details to create a richer, more immersive environment for the audience.
Suggestions As an AI language model, I don't have personal opinions or expertise on screenwriting but I can give you some suggestions based on common writing mistakes:

- The scene lacks conflict and tension. Consider adding more tension by adding a time limit, someone overhearing the conversation, or making the characters' motivations more clear.
- The dialogue is somewhat flat and predictable. Try giving the characters more distinct voices by making their word choices and syntax differ from one another.
- The scene doesn't reveal much about the characters. Consider adding details about their pasts, motivations, or what they hope to achieve in the situation.
- The action is described in a very basic manner. Try using active, dynamic verbs to create a more vivid picture of what's happening.
- Consider ending the scene on a more surprising or impactful note. As it stands, the scene doesn't introduce much new information or move the plot forward.



Scene 30 -  Stand-Off and Rejection
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 9
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 7
/^vX Holly doens't answer, but Hans knows by her reaction, the
answer is "yes"
(CONTINUED)
A98
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201 CONTINUED: 201
-* HANS
( Then you know you want them to
respect what you say, when you
say it. But sometimes, no matter
how many times you tell them something
is dangerous — like a hot burner
on a stove — it is not until they
touch it, that they understand it
is truly dangerous...Folice are
like children...words are often
not enough.
He turns and goes back into:
202 HOLLY'S OFFICE 202
He closes the door. Going to the desk he shifts through
the I.D.'s and finds Holly's.
^203 INSERT - HOLLY'S I.D. 203
It shows Holly's picture and the name: GENNARO.
204 CLOSE ON A TELEVISION SCREEN - NIGHT 204
We SEE a news report interrupts the regular scheduled
f* program. Dick Thornburg talks to the camera. As he
talks We PULL BACK TO SEE William in the backseat of the
limo. He reacts excitedly to the report.
WILLIAM
Terrorist, oh, man...Where is
this?
205 ON SCREEN 205
the CAMERA PULLS BACK and we SEE the Nakatomi Building
rise up in the b.g. behind Thornburg.
206 CLOSE - WILLIAM 206
as he recognizes the place on TV.
WILLIAM
(stunned)
Holy shit...
207 CLOSE - TELEVISION 207
The CAMERA PANS to Police Trailer and we SEE the massive
build-up of police personnel and equipment.
THORNBURG
As you can see, the police have
brought up their armored car unit
(CONTINUED)
A98
59
207 CONTINUED: 207
THORNBURG (Cont.)
and dispatched SWAT personnel
around the building though they
are adamantly denying that any
sort of assault is in the works...
WILLIAM
(more stunned)
Holy shit...
He grabs the car phone and madly punches 911.
WILLIAM
(to himself)
911...
(he misdials)
Fuck!
(more carefully)
9-1-1...
He gets it right and leans back, still panicked as someone
answers.
WILLIAM
(to phone)
Police?!...Well, I need 'em!
Your damn straight this is an
emergency! You know that building
in Century City that's full of
terrorists?...Yeah, that's the
one...Well, I'm sitting right
this very second un —
The word freezes in his mouth as something suddenly dawns
on him. William cancels his call.
WILLIAM
(to himself)
Shit, William, you fool...If the
police could save your sorry ass
don't you think they'd be down here
doin' it?!
He looks back at the TV.
THORNBURG
Since telephone lines in the
building have been cut all
communications have been by
CB radios which the terriorists
took into the building with them.
j0!GiZ\
Genres: ["Action","Thriller"]

Summary After killing Theo, McClane faces a new challenge when Hans offers a truce for the detonators. McClane rejects, and Karl loses communication with Hans.
Strengths
  • Intense stand-off
  • Increased stakes
  • Strong character choices
Weaknesses
  • Dialogue could be more impactful
Critique As a language model, I cannot give feedback on the creative quality or content of a scene. However, I can provide some critique on the technical aspects of the scene.

1. The formatting of the scene is not consistent. The scene heading at the beginning is missing a proper slugline and INT/EXT indication.

2. The action lines lack specific and descriptive language, which can make the scene difficult to visualize. Additional details and sensory descriptions could add more depth to the scene.

3. The dialogue could benefit from more subtext and nuance. The conversation between Hans and Holly feels a bit on-the-nose and could use more subtlety and complexity in characterization and motivation.

4. The use of capitalization and punctuation in the action and dialogue could be improved for clarity and consistency.

Overall, the scene shows some potential but could benefit from further development and attention to technical detail.
Suggestions There are a few suggestions I would make to improve this scene:

1. Clarify the action: The scene starts with a line of action that isn't clear. Who is "Holly," and what is she reacting to? It would be helpful to get a brief description of her before jumping into the dialogue.

2. Develop the characters: Right now, the characters of Hans and William feel very one-dimensional. Giving them more personality, backstory, and goals would make the scene more engaging.

3. Tighten the writing: The dialogue could be sharpened and condensed to make the scene more efficient. For example, the line "As he talks We PULL BACK" could simply be "As he talks, we pull back."

4. Use more visual storytelling: Screenplays should rely heavily on visual storytelling, and there are opportunities to emphasize this in this scene. For example, showing the news report on the television screen and focusing on William's reactions to it could be a way to create tension and build the story.

5. Add more conflict: Conflict is what drives a story forward, and right now the scene doesn't have much conflict. Adding in some tension between the characters or raising the stakes in some way could make the scene more compelling.



Scene 31 -  Stand-off and Truce Rejection
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 7
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 7
  • Dialogue: 6
208 INT. 37TH FLOOR 208
A stairwell door opens and McClane carefully moves out onto
the 37th floor. Seeing that it is deserted he begins
overturning desks, making a small fortress.
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60
209 LIMO - CLOSE ON TRUNK - NIGHT 209
The trunk to the big limo opens and William's hand reaches
under a tool kit TO REVEAL a portable CB unit.
210 INT. LIMO - BACKSEAT - NIGHT 210
William plugs the CB power cord into the rear cigarette
lighter and turns it on. The STATIC HISSES as he goes
through the channels. Suddenly he stops and WE HEAR KARL'S
VOICE over the CB.
KARL'S VOICE
(o.s., on CB)
Heinrich is dead...
211 INT. 39TH FLOOR - ANTEROOM TO SAFE ROOM - SAME 211
Karl stands over the body of Theo.
KARL
(to CB)
Theo and Heinrich are dead.
We're going down.
212 INT. 37TH FLOOR - NIGHT 212
McClane at STAIRWELL DOOR. He lays a plastic chair
protector sheet in front of the stairwell door. Then
he leans an axe against the door — a very primitive
early warning device.
TIME CUT TO:
213 INT. 37TH FLOOR - NIGHT . 213
McClane fastens a small pad of plastic explosives to the
light switch by the doorway; then presses a half dozen
detonators into the material. He's not sure how many
he'll need and adds another for good measure and puts the
rest in his pocket.
214 INT. 38TH FLOOR - SAME 214
Fritz and Franco move onto the 38th floor and spread out.
The operation looks like an African hunt with beaters moving
out in front — rattling chairs, knocking over phones, lamps
etc. — moving toward Karl, who waits at the other end of
the room by the stairwell door.
When they reach him he opens the stairwell door and
silently waves them down the stairs. He looks over the
floor one last time, then he notices a flickering fluorescent
light above him in the stairwell. His glance goes to another
fluorescent fixture.
KARL
(to the terrorist
below him)
Stop.
A98
61
215 INT. POLICE TRAILER - SAME 215
A new group of men enter the trailer — the SWAT team
personnel. One in particular CAPTAIN MITCHELL eyes a pretty
policewoman on the way in.
Following Mitchell is a small man with pencils in his shirt
pocket and a hard hat, GEORGE HENRY', City Engineer's office.-
The last man enters in a tuxedo, pulled away from a party.
His name is RALPH BAILEY, late thirties; mayor's office
liasion. Johnson and Johnson view the assembly with detached
amusement. Robinson does the introductions quickly.
ROBINSON
George Henry, City Engineer's
office, this is Captain Mitchell...
Special Agents Johnson and Johnson.
The engineer nods to the men. Mitchell eyes the Feds, wary
of his competition.
ROBINSON
(pointing to Bailey)
And this is Ralph Bailey, mayor's
office.
Bailey takes an offered cup of coffee. He looks like he
needs it. Henry unrolls building plans while Robinson talks.
ROBINSON
' To bring everyone up to date,
we've got a hostage situation
I in which thirty-five civilians
are being held by an undetermined
number of terrorists with no
1
expressed intent to negotiate.
1
Now, we've got six hours before
the East Coast wakes up and turns
on their TV's and frankly I'd like
not to be here when they do, so
let's hear what you gentlemen
have got to say.
LITTLE JOHNSON
Excuse me, but it seems you've
left something out.
Robinson looks up at the Agent.
ROBINSON
(to the others)
There's an unidentified gunman in
the building who claims to have
^ .• killed four of the terrorists, have
{ plastic explosives and detonators:
These claims are unconfirmed.
(CONTINUED)
Genres: ["Action","Thriller"]

Summary McClane sets up defensive measures on the 37th floor after killing one of the terrorists, Theo. Meanwhile, Hans offers a truce in exchange for the detonators, which McClane rejects, leading to Karl losing communication with Hans.
Strengths "The tension is palpable as McClane and Karl face-off. The stakes are high as the terrorists plan to blow up the building and McClane is outnumbered. The scene moves the plot forward and reveals important information about the terrorists' plans."
Weaknesses "The dialogue feels somewhat repetitive and unoriginal. There are no major character developments in this scene."
Critique The scene is well-written and follows a clear narrative. The use of multiple locations and characters adds to the tension and complexity of the situation. However, the scene could benefit from more visual description and sensory detail to truly immerse the audience in the setting and actions. Additionally, some of the dialogue could be tightened and made more impactful. Overall, the scene has potential but could use some revisions to elevate it further.
Suggestions Here are some suggestions to improve this scene:

- The scene could benefit from more clarity and description, particularly in the actions and movements of the characters. For example, instead of just stating that McClane overturns desks and creates a small fortress, the scene could describe exactly how he does this and what he uses to fortify his position. This will help to create a more vivid and immersive picture for the reader.

- The dialogue between Karl and the other terrorists over the CB could be tightened up and made more impactful. Rather than just stating that Heinrich and Theo are dead, the scene could show the emotional impact of this news on Karl, and demonstrate his determination to continue the mission despite the losses.

- The scene could benefit from more tension and suspense, particularly around the explosives that McClane sets up. The script could explore the potential consequences of the explosives being triggered, and the possible risks to McClane and the other characters.

- The introduction of the new characters in the police trailer could be made more distinctive and memorable. Rather than just describing their appearances and job titles, the scene could give more insight into their personalities and motivations, and show how they react to the unfolding situation.

- The scene could build up to a more dramatic climax, with the various threads of the story coming together in a tense and exciting way. For example, the terrorists' movements in the building could be shown to intersect with McClane's preparations, leading to a showdown or confrontation between the two sides.



Scene 32 - 
  • Overall: 0.0
  • Concept: 0
  • Plot: 0
  • Characters: 0
  • Dialogue: 0
A98
62
215 CONTINUED: 215
^ BAILEY
( Who is he? What's he doing there?
ROBINSON
He won't tell us. We have an
officer monitoring it.
216 EXT. POLICE TRAILER - SIDEWALK - ON POWELL - SAME 216
He stands on the street behind some cars with his CB.
An officer comes by with a fresh cup of coffee for
him.
POWELL
(to CB)
How're you doing, partner?
INTERCUT:
217 MCCLANE ON 37TH FLOOR 217
He sits with his back to the wall, behind his fort of
overturned desks. He's tired and hungry and raises his CB.
MCCLANE
(to Powell)
I'm hanging in there. Is that
f^ coffee I smell?
POWELL
Sorry about that, man. How'd
you know?
MCCLANE
Just say I've been there.
What's happening down there?
POWELL
Well, they're having some
big pow-wow right now.
MCCLANE
And you're not invited to it?
POWELL
Hey, man I'm just a desk
jockey who was on my way
home when all this happened.
MCCLANE
Funny, I figured you for the
street, AI, the way you drove
("* that car.
The compliment stirs some buried pride in Powell.
POWELL
It's been a while, partner.
A98
63
218 INT. POLICE TRAILER - SAME 218
Mitchell has started to assert himself. Henry puts an unlit
cigarette between his lips and studies the diagrams.
MITCHELL
I propose we send two men up the
sewers...enter the building here '—
BAILEY
What for?
MITCHELL
(patiently)
Having our men on the inside puts
us in a position to release the
hostages should the opportunity
arise and also give us an accurate
account of the strengths of this
i group.
t LITTLE JOHNSON
Why don't you use the man
who's already inside?
MITCHELL
Because he's not one of my_ men.
BIG JOHNSON
You haven't even talked to him.
BAILEY
(trying to get
a word in)
Frankly, I think we' should wait'
until they want to talk.
MITCHELL
When they want to talk it'11 be
too late. We need our men inside,
now...
HENRY
(quietly)
Can't do it.
Everyone suddenly looks at Henry.
HENRY
(to Mitchell)
You can't get men in through the
sewers.
MITCHELL
What*re you talking about?
(CONTINUED)
A98
64
218 CONTINUED: 218
f* HENRY
(noticing all
the looks)
The building's got a fourty foot
deep reverse flow conduit...they
can't get across it.
MITCHELL
You have a better way in?
Henry puts his cigarettes back into his mouth and looks back
at the diagram.
HENRY
Maybe...Anyone got a light.
219 EXT. POLICE TRAILER - SAME 219
I
/ Powell is talking with McClane on the CB.
POWELL
You seem to know a lot about
cops. You been one? Are you one?
INTERCUT:
{ 220 INT. MCCLANE - 37TH FLOOR - SAME 220
Sitting against the wall.
MCCLANE
I watch a lot of TV. What can
I say...?
POWELL
(probing)
You don't learn to kill like
that on TV.
MCCLANE
Hey, Al...if I could tell you
who I was, I'd tell you. You're
Genres: null

Summary
Strengths null
Weaknesses null
Critique using dialogue to establish character and move the plot along. While the dialogue feels natural, there is room for improvement in terms of adding more subtext and depth to the characters. Additionally, the action and setting descriptions are minimal and could use more detail and visual imagery to engage the reader and enhance the scene's atmosphere. Overall, this scene sets up important plot points and character dynamics, but could benefit from further development.
Suggestions on my side, right?

Here are a few suggestions to improve this scene:

1. Give the characters more distinct personalities and voices. Right now, it's unclear who is speaking at times and they all seem to speak in a similar manner. Adding more unique dialogue and mannerisms will help to differentiate them and make them more memorable to the audience.

2. Add more tension and conflict to the scene. Right now, it feels a bit stagnant and there's not much at stake. Adding a sense of urgency or a disagreement between characters can make the scene more engaging.

3. Consider adding more visual description to the scene. As a screenplay, you have the ability to describe the setting and actions in detail, which can help to create a more vivid and immersive experience. Adding more sensory details can also help to engage the audience.

4. Consider the pacing of the scene. It's important to balance dialogue and action to keep the scene moving forward and maintain the audience's attention. If the scene is feeling too slow, consider adding more action or conflict to keep things interesting.



Scene 33 -  Staircase Escape
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 7
just going to have to trust me.
It's an appeal and the words effect Powell, he answers
quietly, like a promise.
POWELL
I trust you, man.
^ Suddenly he hears A CLATTERING SOUND over his CB.

(CONTINUED)

A98
65
220 CONTINUED: 220
MCCLANE'S VOICE
/fe$\ (o.s.)
I've got company, Al...I'll get
back to you.
POWELL
Wait, wait, stay on the line!
But he realizes McClane is gone.
221 INT. 37TH FLOOR - NIGHT 221
McClane moves from his fort in the shadows to the corner of
the floor.
222 MCCLANE'S P.O.V. 222
The axe has fallen, but the floor looks deserted.
223 MCCLANE 223
He hears a noise across the room — like a lamp being
knocked over, then a phone. McClane is on the move. Quickly
he moves through the cubicles, pausing before the doorway
to each one. The noises behind him become louder.
He passes the stairwell door and comes to the corner, looks
f*- carefully around it — it is clear. He steps around it
and suddenly Karl appears around the other corner directly
in front of him and opens fire. The bullets rip into the wall
in front of him — hitting a metal drinking fountain and
sending water spewing across the room. McClane ducks back
around the corner but at that moment Franco and Fritz
appear at the other end cutting off his retreat.
.MCCLANE
Oh, shit...
McClane feels the handle of the stairwell door behind him and
pushes it, disappearing into the stairwell just as the two
terrorists open fire.
224 INT. STAIRWELL - SAME 224
Quickly McClane starts up the stairs. His bare feet taking
the concrete steps two at a time, heading into the darkness
of the next landing. Suddenly WE HEAR a CRUNCH and McClane
stiffens like he's been shot.
225 CLOSE - MCCLANE'S FOOT 225
The broken glass of fluorescent light bulbs and blood moves
^ out from beneath his left foot.


A98
66
226 MCCLANE 226
leans against the railing for support, the pain is incredible.
(
**
"*
*• He lifts his foot exposing a three inch gash. Gritting his
teeth he reaches into the bloody slash and extracts a large piece
of glass. Suddenly below WE HEAR the stairwell door open.
McClane fires a burst down the stairwell and pulls himself to
the door, three steps up.
227 38TH FLOOR 227
McClane hobbles painfully toward the elevator bank — every
step leaves a pool of blood in the carpet.-
228 EXT. OUTSIDE POLICE TRAILER - ON POWELL - SAME 228
He clutches his CB and tries desperately to make contact
with McClane.
POWELL
Come in, Partner. If you can
hear me, come in...
229 INT. STAIRWELL - 38TH FLOOR - SAME 229
Franco and Karl reach the bloodstains on the stairs. They
move carefully to the door to the 38th floor and crack it
slightly, then open it more — McClane is nowhere in sight,
but his trail is evident.
s£$£>\


A bloody path leads toward the elevator bank — veering
toward a secretary's desk — missing it's chair — then
back to the elevators. Suddenly the two terrorists HEAR
the SOUND OF AN ELEVATOR in motion and move quickly to the:
230 ELEVATOR BANK - 38TH FLOOR 230
Two sets of elevators facing each other like square dancers.
McClane*s bloodstains lead up to a set of doors and quickly
Franco forces open the doors with his fingers and looks in.
231 FRANCO'S P.O.V. 231
The elevator car in motion going down. It stops two floors
below them.
FRANCO
He's going down.
They move quickly back to the stairwell as we STAY in the
elevator bank a full second after they're gone. Suddenly
the doors on the opposite side of the bank open and we SEE
McClane sitting in the secretary's chair keeping his bleeding
left foot off the ground.
/flW\
232 38TH FLOOR - MAIN OFFICE AREA 232
McClane hobbles back to the office area. He goes to the
first desk he reaches and begins going through the drawers
(CONTINUED)
A98
67
232 CONTINUED: 232
Genres: ["Action","Thriller"]

Summary McClane escapes the terrorists and heads down the stairs but is injured stepping on glass. Meanwhile, Powell tries to contact him on the radio.
Strengths
  • Tense action
  • Suspenseful plot
  • Solid characterization
Weaknesses
  • Lack of memorable dialogue
Critique Overall, this scene contains a good amount of tension and suspense as McClane is being hunted by the terrorists. However, there are a few areas where the writing could be improved.

Firstly, the dialogue between Powell and McClane is a bit weak and could use more depth. It's a bit too straightforward and generic, lacking the true emotion and connection two partners might have in this situation.

Secondly, there are a few moments where the action is described in too much detail, which can slow down the momentum of the scene. For example, the close-up on McClane's foot and the description of the broken glass and blood could be condensed.

Lastly, the use of ALL CAPS to denote sound effects is a bit distracting and unnecessary. It can take the reader out of the scene and disrupt the flow of the writing. A more subtle approach to sound effects would be more effective.

Overall, the scene contains strong tension and suspense, but could benefit from stronger dialogue, more concise action description, and a more subtle approach to sound effects.
Suggestions Overall, the scene is well-written and engaging, but there are a few suggestions that could be made to improve it:

1. Clarify the location change: The transition from Powell on the phone to McClane in the building is a bit sudden. Adding a brief line or shot to establish where McClane is and how he got there would help to clarify the location change.

2. Add suspense: While the tension is high as McClane evades the terrorists, adding more suspense to the scene would make it even more engaging. Perhaps have McClane narrowly avoid being seen by the terrorists at one point, or have him hide in a more precarious location.

3. Improve dialogue: The dialogue between Powell and McClane is a bit straightforward and lacks nuance. Adding some subtext or character-specific language would make it more engaging and realistic. Additionally, the terrorists' dialogue could benefit from more distinct personalities, making them feel more like real characters and less like generic villains.

4. Increase stakes: While the scene is tense, adding higher stakes would make it even more impactful. Perhaps have McClane stumble upon a key piece of information or find a way to undermine the terrorists' plan, raising the stakes for the rest of the film.



Scene 34 -  Maxi-Pad Escape
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 7
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 7
  • Dialogue: 6
/m^ looking for gauze or something to stop the bleeding on his
[ foot. No luck, he moves to the next desk and opens a drawer.
He finds a box of Kleenex and tosses it. A little more
digging turns up a box of band-aids — finger size. He opens
another drawer digs for a moment then closes it — nothing.
Then he stops — and slowly reopens the last drawer.
233 INSERT - THE DRAWER 233
He pulls back some papers and REVEALS a box of MAXI-PADS.
234 EXT. NAKATOMI - HUGE SPOTLIGHT - SAME 234
A huge spotlight is brought into position a half-block away
from the building. We NOTICE several more — their generators
rumbling. Suddenly their beams are turned on, increased in
intensity and pointed to the building. The reflection off
the glass is incredible, blinding.
)'
/ 235 INT. HANS' OFFICE - SAME 235
Hans notices the growing illumination and goes to the window,
carefully looking out. The entire front of the building is
whited out. He picks up his CB.
236 INT. STAIRWELL - SAME 236
Karl and Franco moving carefully down the stairwell. Their
. CB crackles to life.
HANS' VOICE
(on CB)
1
The police are moving.
i
( 237 INT. 38TH FLOOR 237
McClane unwraps a maxi-pad and tapes it tightly to the
bottom of his cut foot. He tests it gingerly on the carpet —
it's painful, but serviceable. Looking up he notices the
intensity in the lights outside. McClane picks up his CB.
MCCLANE
AI?
POWELL'S VOICE
(o.s.)
Right here, partner. I thought
we'd lost you.
• MCCLANE
You almost did. I'm going to
be limping for a while. What's
f* going on down there?
238 EXT. POLICE TRAILER - SIDEWALK - ON POWELL 238
Around him the activity with the huge spotlight is apparent.
„00 (CONTINUED)
A98
68

238 CONTINUED: 238

POWELL
Just sit tight. We're just
adding a little light to see by.
MCCLANE'S VOICE
(o.s.)
Listen to me! If you're getting
ready to try something, don't.
This is what they want!
239 INT. HANS' OFFICE - ON HANS - SAME 239
at the window, looking out. He can't see anything — total
whiteout. Instead of panic however he senses a confrontation
and it excites him. He smiles and steps into the hall.
HOLLY
? (to Hans)
/ What's going on?
HANS
The child is about to touch
the stove.
240 EXT. CENTURY CITY APARTMENT BUILDING - SAME 240
/0fe\
Two SWAT officers, with blackened faces and carrying
equipment bags, move quickly through the lobby of a nearby
apartment building and enter Lobby elevator.
241 EXT. ADJACENT BUILDING - ROOF - SAME 241
Another PAIR of SWAT OFFICERS move to a point on the roof
of another building and peer over the edge at the brilliantly
lit Nakatomi building. THE SPOTTER stares through an infrared
scope at the Nakatomi roof while the other officer, THE SNIPER
sets up his rifle.
242 EXT. CENTURY CITY - ON MITCHELL AND ROBINSON - 242
POLICE BARRICADES
Mitchell listens to a CB radio then looks at Robinson, who
is visibly tense.
MITCHELL
We're in position.
Robinson hesitates, then gives his approval with a nod.
MITCHELL
(to CB)
Go.




A98
69
Genres: ["Action","Thriller"]

Summary McClane escapes the terrorists and mixes grueling physical work while receiving instructions from Powell.
Strengths "The scene is tense and intense. It moves the story forward while giving character insights and action. The humor in the best scene is also a welcome break from the tension."
Weaknesses "The dialogue is not very memorable, and the scene does not have significant character development."
Critique Overall, this scene functions well to build tension and further the plot. The use of the maxi-pad as an unconventional bandage helps to establish John McClane's resourceful character and sets up his physical limitations for future action sequences. The introduction of the police and SWAT teams adds another layer of conflict and raises the stakes. The dialogue is effective in conveying the urgency and danger of the situation. One potential improvement could be to clarify the setting and spatial relationships between the different locations, as it may be unclear to the audience. Additionally, further character development could be woven in to add emotional depth and investment.
Suggestions Here are some suggestions to improve the scene:

1. Make the scene more visually interesting: Right now, the scene is mostly focused on finding supplies and setting up the police spotlight. Consider adding more action or tension to keep the audience engaged (e.g. McClane struggling to find supplies quickly while Karl and Franco are getting closer, or the SWAT officers facing unexpected obstacles on their way to the building).

2. Make the dialogue more natural: Some of the lines of dialogue in the scene feel a bit forced or expositional. Consider revising them to make them sound more like how real people would speak (e.g. McClane's line "I'm going to be limping for a while" feels a bit too on the nose).

3. Clarify the stakes: Right now, it's not entirely clear what the characters are trying to achieve or what's at stake for them. Adding more clear goals and obstacles can help increase tension and make the audience more invested in the scene (e.g. McClane needs to find supplies before Karl and Franco catch up to him, or the SWAT team needs to set up the spotlight before the hostages are harmed).

4. Consider adding more subtext: Right now, the dialogue and action in the scene is pretty straightforward. Consider adding more layers of meaning or subtext to deepen the characterizations and themes of the film (e.g. McClane's struggle to find supplies could represent his resourcefulness and determination, while the police's use of the spotlight could represent their attempt to shine a figurative light on the situation and bring justice).



Scene 35 -  Standoff
  • Overall: 7.0
  • Concept: 6
  • Plot: 7
  • Characters: 6
  • Dialogue: 6
243 ANGLE ON TWO SWAT OFFICERS 243
/9&\
{ They sprint unmolested to the bars covering the garage doors.
Mitchell and Robinson watch from behind the cover of a police
car as one of the SWAT officers removes a portable welding
torch and begins cutting his way through the lock.
244 INT. 38TH FLOOR - MCCLANE 244
He moves painfully to the window and looks out. He can't
see a thing because of the lights.
MCCLANE
(to himself)
No...
245 EXT. POLICE BARRICADES - ON MITCHELL AND ROBINSON 245
Suddenly rifle fire sounds from the building.
ROBINSON
(worriedly)
They're shooting at them.
MITCHELL
(calmly)
It's panic fire...they can't see
f* anything.
More shots ring out from the building going over the SWAT
officers' heads and suddenly the huge dome of one of the
spotlights shatters behind Mitchell and Robinson's head.
The glow fades. A moment later the next light twenty feet
away dies.
ROBINSON
They're going after the lights!
The two SWAT officers cutting the garage gate suddenly look
up as their cover starts to disappear.
ROBINSON
Call them back.
MITCHELL
No, they're almost in.
Suddenly the third and fourth lights are shot out and the
SWAT men become sitting ducks.
246 INT. 3RD FLOOR 246
{ The terrorist marksman, Alexander, on the third floor draws
a bead through his scope and hits one of the officers in the
leg, then hits 'the second one in the chest.

A98
70
247 EXT. POLICE BARRICADES - ON MITCHELL AND ROBINSON 247
P MITCHELL
(on radio)
Send up the car!
An armored car wheels toward the building and starts toward
the wounded men.
248 INT. HANS' OFFICE - SAME 248
From his vantage point he watches the action. At the sight
of the armored car he lifts his CB.
HANS
They're sending in the car.
249 INT. ROOF-MACHINE ROOM/SERVICE ELEVATOR - SAME 249
JAMES quickly loads two small crates onto the service
elevator and pushes the button for the 3rd floor. As the car
starts down, he removes an anti-tank gun from one of the crates.
250 INT. 38TH FLOOR - SAME 250
McClane HEARS the sound of the ELEVATOR MOTOR running coming
down from the roof. He picks up his CB.
V MCCLANE
AI, what's happening out there?
POWELL'S VOICE
(o.s.)
They're kicking our ass down here.
We've got two men down and we're
going to have to send in a shield
to get them out.
MCCLANE
That's what they want.
POWELL'S VOICE
(o.s.)
Hey, man we aren't going to let them
sit out there!
251 INT. 3RD FLOOR - SAME 251
The service elevator arrives on the third floor and James
moves across the room toward the windows with the anti-tank
weapon. At the window, Alexander puts down his rifle and
takes the weapon from James.
/fM;i\

( CONTINUED)



A98
71
251 CONTINUED: 251
/fiwlfP\
Genres: ["Action","Thriller"]

Summary Terrorists attack the SWAT officers outside, leaving them vulnerable. McClane and Powell continue their communication and the terrorists prepare for their next move.
Strengths "Intense action, strategic choices, rising stakes."
Weaknesses "Lack of character development, lack of emotional depth."
Critique This scene shows some good tension and action, but there are a few issues with the writing that could be improved upon. Firstly, some of the dialogue feels a bit forced and unrealistic, such as Mitchell's calm response to the building being shot at. Additionally, there are some formatting errors, such as missing line breaks between dialogue and other actions. The scene also jumps around between different locations and characters quite a bit, which can make it hard to follow the action.

To improve this scene, I would suggest taking a closer look at the dialogue and making it feel more natural and realistic. I would also recommend breaking up some of the longer paragraphs into smaller, more manageable chunks to help the reader keep track of what's happening. Finally, it might be helpful to include some more character descriptions to help differentiate between the various SWAT officers and other characters in the scene.
Suggestions Here are a few suggestions to improve this scene:

1. Establish the stakes: The scene lacks a strong sense of what's at stake for the characters. One way to make this more engaging is to establish what will happen if the SWAT team doesn't get through the garage door - for example, the terrorists will be able to escape with hostages. This will make the tension of the scene more palpable.

2. Develop the characters: Currently, the SWAT officers, Mitchell and Robinson, are not well-defined. Consider giving them unique personalities, motivations, and goals that will make them more interesting to the audience. This will also make their reactions to the gunfire and danger more compelling.

3. Add more action: This scene has a lot of dialogue, which can slow down the pacing. Consider adding more action - for example, the terrorists could start throwing grenades, or the SWAT team could use smoke bombs to cover their advance. This will make the scene more visually interesting and keep the audience engaged.

4. Tighten up the writing: The scene could benefit from some tightening up - for example, instead of "he moves painfully to the window and looks out," you could say "McClane hobbles to the window and peers out." This will make the scene more concise and easier to follow.



Scene 36 -  Escalation
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 7
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 7
  • Dialogue: 7
Outside the window the armored car has stopped in front of
the wounded men and paramedics quickly load them in from the
sheltered side of the vehicle. Alexander quickly sights on
the armored car.
ALEXANDER
(to Hans, CB)
I have them.
HANS' VOICE
(o.s., over CB)
Fire.
252 EXT. THE ARMORED CAR 252
A blast ROARS from the third floor window and the shell hits
j the armored car. The car pitches forward like a beast whose
1 front legs have been shot out from under it — its front axle
destroyed, unable to move. Alexander looks back at James and
grins.
253 32ND FLOOR - HANS 253
He watches from his window. Coldly picks up his CB.
f^ HANS
Hit it again.
254 MCCLANE 254
listening. He picks up his CB.
MCCLANE
Hans, you motherfucker, you've
made your point. Let them pull
back!
HANS' VOICE
(o.s.)
No, Mr. Barefoot man, there's more
to teach them.
McClane slumps to the floor below the window. He feels
helpless, then notices his kit bag.
255 3RD FLOOR 255
James runs back to the crate "on the elevator.
256 EXT. POLICE BARRICADES - ON ROBINSON AND MITCHELL 256
They look on in horror as the armored car sits helplessly on
fire. On the police radio channel we HEAR the screams of
men inside.

AS8 (CONTINUED)
72

256 CONTINUED: 256
Z^5**,
MITCHELL
(to radio)
Davis! Jimenez!...Report...
DAVIS
(voice over; on
radio, yelling)
This is Davis. We've got one
dead. Everybody's hit. Jimenez's
bleeding bad. We've got to get
the fuck out of here!
MITCHELL
(to radio)
Davis, hang on! That's an order!
Hang on, we'll get you out.
• 257 INT. ELEVATOR CAR - 3RD FLOOR - SAME 257
/
James opens the box of shells and takes two and starts back
across the room.
258 INT. 38TH FLOOR - CLOSE ON A SHAPE OF PLASTIC 258
EXPLOSIVE - SAME
f^1 Like a football. It sits on the seat of a secretary's chair
with castors. We PULL BACK TO SEE McClane press three
detonators into the top, then cover the explosive with a
typewriter, tying it securely in place with electrical cords.
259 ANGLE ON SERVICE ELEVATOR - MCCLANE 259
wheels the chair to the service elevator, opens the door and
blocks them with a fire ax. He looks in — the top of the
car can just be seen thirty five floors below.
260 INT. 3RD FLOOR 260
James hands the shell to Alexander, who expertly loads it
into the anti-tank gun. Through the window we SEE a second
armored car roll into position next to the other. Alexander
lifts the anti-tank gun to his shoulder and aims.
261 INT. 38TH FLOOR 261
McClane pushes the chair into the shaft.
MCCLANE
Geronimo...motherfuckers.
[ For a long moment there is nothing, then: the shaft is filled
with light, then SOUND — an ungodly ROAR — and McClane is
thrown back across the elevator corridor against the other
bank of doors by the concussion wave.

A98
73
Genres: ["Action","Thriller"]

Summary The terrorists attack the SWAT team outside and disable the armored car, leaving the officers vulnerable. McClane and Powell continue their communication while terrorists plan their next move.
Strengths "The tension is high, and the stakes are raised even higher with the SWAT team coming under attack. McClane is resourceful and devises a plan to stop the terrorists."
Weaknesses "The dialogue is somewhat generic, and the characters don't show much depth in this scene."
Critique This scene is well written and expertly paced with a good mix of action and dialogue, although there are some minor issues that can be addressed.

Firstly, the dialogue could feel a bit clichéd, particularly when McClane says "Hans, you motherfucker". While this seems fitting for the character and the situation, it might come off as cheesy to some viewers.

Secondly, the description of the explosion could have been more vivid - it's unclear what exactly is happening during the explosion. The scene could benefit from including more sensory details and a clearer image of the destruction caused by the explosion.

Overall, the scene is well crafted and exciting with a good mix of action and dialogue, although there may be some minor adjustments that could be made to take it to the next level.
Suggestions Here are a few suggestions to improve the scene:

1. Develop the characters: It can be difficult to become invested in characters that are not well-developed, and this scene is no exception. Consider adding depth to characters like Alexander, James, and Hans to make the audience care more about what happens to them.

2. Improve the dialogue: While some of the dialogue is effective in conveying information, such as the police radio communication, it is generally flat and lacking in nuance. Consider giving characters more distinct voices and personalities through their dialogue.

3. Add more action: The scene is primarily characters talking over radios and loading shells into guns, which can be dull to watch on screen. Consider adding more action, such as a shootout or hand-to-hand combat, to create a more visually compelling scene.

4. Use visual language: While there are some descriptive elements in the scene, such as the armored car pitching forward "like a beast," there is not a lot of evocative, visual language that can help the audience imagine the scene more vividly. Consider adding more descriptive language to make the scene more immersive.



Scene 37 -  Explosion and Aftermath
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 9
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 7
  • Dialogue: 7
262 ON THE '3RD FLOOR 262
The explosion, like a firestorm, rips across the floor:
263 BLOWING OUT THE MACHINE GUN NEST AND JAMES AND 263
ALEXANDER
264 SHATTERING WINDOWS 264
265 SENDING DESKS, CHAIRS, PHONES, AND TYPWRITERS 265
FLYING
266 EXT. AVENUE OF THE STARS 266
The police take cover behind their cars. Powell, Robinson,
and Mitchell look like they've seen the face of God as the
building rocks from the blast. Henry's cigarette falls from
his mouth as a desk is sent hurtling across Avenue of the Stars
into the trees across the street.
267 INT. UNDERGROUND PARKING GARAGE - ON WILLIAM - SAME 267
watching it on TV, feeling it all around him.
WILLIAM
Oh, Jesus...
268 EXT. DOWN THE STREET - SAME 268
Dick Thornburg's crew is taping.
THORNBURG
(in awe)
Unreal.
(to the cameraman)
Did you get all that?
CAMERAMAN
Yep.
Thornburg looks at his competitors still setting up.
THORNBURG
Eat your fucking heart out
Channel Four.
269 ON HOSTAGE FLOOR 269
The hostages are shaken and the remaining terrorists, Fritz
and Franco", aren't too sure of themselves either. Only
Hans is relatively calm.
f* FRANCO
They're firing at us.
(CONTINUED)

A98
74

269 CONTINUED: 269

HANS
It's not the police...it's him.
270 ANGLE ON HOLLY 270
She comforts an older woman.
271 INT. 38TH FLOOR - MCCLANE - SAME 271
He sits up and lifts the CB.
MCCLANE
Hey, AI, you guys okay out there?
INTERCUT:
272 EXT. POWELL 272
on the street.
POWELL
(on CB)
Holy shit, man, what was that?
MCCLANE
One of their packets. Is the
building on fire?
POWELL
No, but they're going to have
to tear this sucker down and
build a new one. We got a report
from one of our spotters that you
got three with that blast.
MCCLANE
Three? Are you sure?
Before Powell can answer Robinson comes running up to him.
ROBINSON
Is that him?
POWELL
Yessir.
ROBINSON
(reaching for Powell's
CB)
/^vW^N.
Give me that thing.
(CONTINUED)



A98
75
272 CONTINUED: 272
(** ROBINSON (Cont.)
(angrily to McClane)
Now, listen to me, mister, I don't
know what your game is but you just
destroyed a building and put
hundreds of people's lives in
jeopardy. Now maybe you were
trying to help but we don't need
any more of that kind of cooperation.
I want you to put down your weapons
and retreat to a safe place. Do
you understand, me?
McCLANE
Who is this?
ROBINSON
J This is Deputy Chief of Police
t Dwayne T. Robinson. You are
interfering with police business.
McClane leans tiredly against the elevator door.
MCCLANE
Put AI back on, Dwayne.
/SfSN^
Genres: ["Action","Thriller"]

Summary The terrorists create a massive explosion on the third floor, causing chaos and destruction. Police officers and news crews are amazed and frightened. McClane contacts Powell to check on the team outside and is confronted by Deputy Chief Robinson. The remaining terrorists are shaken but Hans remains calm.
Strengths "Intense action, high stakes, well-established suspense, strong dialogue."
Weaknesses "Sparse character development, some predictable plot points."
Critique Overall, this scene seems action-packed and intense, but there are a few areas where it could be improved. Firstly, the lack of description in the initial explosion could be expanded on. It's unclear what caused the explosion, and the reader is just told that desks, chairs, phones, and typewriters are sent flying. Adding more detail and visuals here would help the reader to better visualize the scene.

Additionally, while the scene cuts between different locations effectively, there's a missed opportunity to add more tension to the hostage floor scenes. The hostages are visibly shaken, but it's unclear if they're in immediate danger or if the remaining terrorists pose a threat. Providing more detail on the emotions and thoughts of the hostages would add another layer of tension to the scene.

Finally, the dialogue could be improved in places. Robinson's dialogue feels a bit cliched and over-the-top, and McClane's tired response is a little anticlimactic. Adding more specificity to their language, as well as their emotions, would give their exchange more weight.

Overall, this scene has a lot of potential and a great sense of energy. Adding more detail and specificity could help it to become even more thrilling.
Suggestions Firstly, it would be helpful to have more clarity on who James and Alexander are and why they are important in this scene. This would make their potential deaths more impactful. Additionally, the use of descriptive language is helpful in setting the scene's mood and tone, but it could be improved by adding more sensory details such as sound, smell, and tactile experiences.

In terms of character development, adding more dialogue and actions for the terrorists would make them seem more formidable and add to the tension of the scene. This could include actions like Hans giving orders to his team or Franco and Fritz showing fear or anxiety.

Finally, it would be helpful to add more dialogue and actions to the hostages to add depth to their characters and create more stakes for their potential rescue by McClane. Giving Holly, in particular, more agency and action could help to create a stronger dynamic between her and McClane.



Scene 38 -  ROBINSON
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 7
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 7
ROBINSON
No. I'm giving the orders here!
MCCLANE
Put the other guy on!
ROBINSON
Listen fuckhead — !
MCCLANE
(exploding)
No! You listen to me. You've got
at least six psychos holding thirty-
five people at gunpoint and they
just waxed your ass down there.
They've got enough explosives to
flatten this end of the city and
the balls to do it but what they
don't have is the means to detonate
it because of me. They're down to
half strength because of me. Are
they talking to you? Do you think
you can stop them down there?
C'mon, tell me, Dwayne!...Hell no!
.f* You're the fuckhead. You're.the
asshole! Now, put AI on, goddamnit!
McClane is so furious, he's out of breath.
A98
76

273 INT. LIMO - WILLIAM - SAME 273
William nods in agreement.
WILLIAM
Tell 'em, John! Tell 'em!
274 INT. 38TH FLOOR - ON MCCLANE 274
still seething. There is a long pause on the CB, then:
POWELL'S VOICE
(o.s.)
Here you go. How're you feeling?
MCCLANE
(furious)
How the hell you think I'm feeling.
Who is that asshole?!
/ 275 ON POWELL 275
Other officers, including Robinson, monitor the conversation.
POWELL
(sharply)
Hey, don't draw me into that kind
of talk. You hear me? Now I know
you're wounded and tired and mad
as hell, but the last thing you
want to do is waste your energy
with some fat-assed, jerk-off,
dumb-as-shit deputy police chief.
You understand?
276 ON MCCLANE 276
He grins, and a little laugh escapes.
POWELL'S VOICE
(o.s.)
I say something funny?
MCCLANE
No, just nice to hear some common
sense.
277 ON POWELL 277
POWELL
Hang in there, man. Hang in there.
(** • MCCLANE'S VOICE
(o.s., tiredly)
Thanks, partner.
(CONTINUED)
A98
77

277 CONTINUED: 277
Powell hears McClane's line go dead. He puts down his phone
and sees Robinson staring at him.
ROBINSON
'Jerk-off, dumb-shit deputy chief
of police?'
POWELL
Sorry sir, I was just trying to
relieve some of the tension.
Robinson turns and leaves; Powell watches him and smiles to
himself.
278 INT. HOSTAGE FLOOR - HANS OFFICE - SAME 278
Hans, Franco, and Karl plotting strategy.
HANS
(to Karl)
Heinz is now on the fifth floor
covering the street. That leaves
Fritz on this floor with the hostages,
Uli on the roof, and you and Franco
to find him...Do it.
/0&\

279 ANGLE ON ELLIS AND HOLLY 279
outside of Hans' office. Ellis watches Franco and Karl
leave then looks back at Hans' office. Suddenly, he stands
and Holly looks at him like he was crazy.
HOLLY
What are you doing?
Fritz moves quickly across the room towards Ellis.
ELLIS
(to Holly)
I'm tired of sitting here getting
cramps on my legs waiting for the
cops or your husband to get us
all killed...
HOLLY
What are you going to do?
ELLIS
Hey, I just negotiated a $150,000,000
deal, babe...I think I can handle this.
f* (to- Fritz)
I want to talk to Hans.


A98
78
Genres: ["Action","Thriller"]

Summary McClane argues with Deputy Chief Robinson while the terrorists plan their next move. Powell offers support and relief. Hans, Franco, and Karl discuss their strategy.
Strengths
  • Tense arguments between McClane and Robinson show the tension between law enforcement agencies and individuals
  • Powell's support of McClane shows the importance of solidarity in high-stakes situations
  • Hans' delegation of duties among his team shows their organizational skills
Weaknesses
  • The dialogue between McClane and Robinson feels cliched and predictable
  • The scene is mostly exposition and planning, with little action
Critique Overall, this scene is well-written and effectively conveys tension, anger, and humor. The dialogue between McClane and Robinson is particularly strong, as it shows the contrast between McClane's no-nonsense demeanor and Robinson's incompetence. The use of profanity adds to the intensity of the scene and gives it a more realistic feel.

However, there are a few areas where this scene could be improved. The stage directions are somewhat sparse, leaving some ambiguity around the characters' actions and movements. For example, it's unclear whether McClane is pacing around the room or standing still while he's on the CB. More detailed stage directions would help to clarify the action and make the scene more engaging.

Additionally, the scene might benefit from more varied sentence structure. Much of the dialogue is delivered in short, declarative sentences, which can become repetitive after a while. Varying the sentence structure, using longer sentences or questions, would make the dialogue feel more natural and engaging.

Overall, though, this scene effectively conveys the tension and conflict between McClane and the police department, moving the story forward while also showcasing some of the strengths of the screenwriter's craft.
Suggestions Overall, the scene is well written, but there are a few suggestions I have to improve it:

1. Show more of McClane's physical reactions to his fury. Rather than simply saying he's out of breath, show him pacing, clenching his fists, or doing something that emphasizes his anger.

2. Use more dialogue tags to clarify who is speaking. In some parts, it's not clear who is speaking without any indication.

3. Add more description of the scene and setting to build tension and atmosphere. Use sensory details to immerse the audience in the scene.

4. Consider shortening some of the dialogue to make it more concise and impactful.

5. Develop Ellis' character more before he makes his bold move to talk to Hans. He seems impulsive and reckless, but we don't know much about him other than he's a negotiator. Adding more background to his character will make his actions more significant.

6. Introduce more conflict in this scene. The conversation between Powell and McClane is urgent and tense, but adding an obstacle or challenge for McClane to overcome would make the scene more engaging.



Scene 39 -  Communication and Hostage Negotiation
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 9
  • Dialogue: 8
280 MCCLANE 280
sitting tiredly against the wall. Sweat runs down his face
and arms leaving streaks through the dirt. McClane watches
a drop fall to the floor.
MCCLANE
(to himself)
You assholes had to cut the air
conditioning off, didn't you?
He digs out his now crumpled and grease-stained photo of his
family. He wipes a smudge from the face of Holly and smiles
tiredly. Suddenly his CB crackles to life.
POWELL'S VOICE
(to McClane)
Hey, partner? How's it going?
MCCLANE
I'm hanging, man. I'm hanging
...You got any kids, AI?
INTERCUT:
281 POWELL ON STREET 281
POWELL
J0F?\ Expecting my first any week, now.
MCCLANE
Congratulations.
POWELL
Thanks. You?
MCCLANE
Two. And I sure want to see 'em
again.
282 CLOSE - A HAND WRITING A NOTE 282
It says: CHILDREN? We PULL BACK TO REVEAL Dick Thornburg.
He passes the note silently over to his assistant, MARY,
as they monitor the call.
283 MCCLANE 283
stares at his photo, when suddenly another VOICE besides
Powell's comes over his radio.
HANS' VOICE
(o.s. on CB)
Touching, Mr. McClane. Touching.
( The sound of his name startles him and for a moment McClane
stares at the radio.
(CONTINUED)

A98
79
283 CONTINUED: 283
HANS' VOICE
(o.s.)
John McClane are you listening?
McCLANE
(beat)
Yes.
HANS' VOICE
(o.s.)
We have your colleague here...a
Mr. Ellis.
284 INT. 32ND (HOSTAGE) FLOOR - ON ELLIS AND HANS - SAME 284
Ellis is being pampered by Fritz and Franco in Hans' office.
He has a cigarette, and a terrorist brings him a Diet Coke.
Hans hands the radio to Ellis. Karl watches quietly.
J HANS
/ (to Ellis)
Just act nervous.
Ellis nods and presses the TALK button.
ELLIS
(to McClane, on CB)
John?
MCCLANE'S VOICE
(o.s., quietly)
How are you, Ellis?
ELLIS
All right...John, listen to me...
They want you to tell them where the
detonators are. They know people are
listening. They want the'detonators
or they're going to kill me.
Ellis looks over at Hans who gives him a "thumbs-up", he's
doing a great job.
285 INT. POLICE TRAILER - ON POWELL, ROBINSON - SAME 285
and others listening intently.
286 ON MCCLANE 286
He closes his eyes and leans his head back again.
ELLIS' VOICE
John, are you listening?
/T^V MCCLANE
(to CB, quietly)
Yeah, I hear you.


A98
80
Genres: ["Action","Thriller"]

Summary McClane communicates with Powell and is informed that the terrorists have Ellis. The terrorists force Ellis to convince McClane to reveal the location of the detonators. Meanwhile, McClane reminisces about his family and maintains his composure.
Strengths "Tense dialogue and suspenseful scene-building."
Weaknesses "The scene may feel too long and uneventful for some viewers."
Critique The scene establishes the physical and emotional state of the protagonist, John McClane. However, there is a lack of clear objective or conflict in this scene. The dialogue between McClane and Powell serves to reinforce their partnership, but it does not add to the overall tension of the story. The introduction of Ellis and Hans in the latter half of the scene provides some conflict and raises the stakes, but it comes too late in the scene and feels disconnected from the earlier dialogue. Additionally, the scene could benefit from more visual action or a stronger use of cinematic language to create a sense of urgency and tension.
Suggestions Here are a few suggestions:

1. Add more physical action: Currently, the scene is just a conversation between McClane and Powell. To make it more visual, try showing McClane doing something physical while talking, such as fiddling with his gun or pacing back and forth.

2. Cut down on unnecessary dialogue: The conversation between Powell and McClane doesn't add much to the story, and the note being passed between Thornburg and Mary is also not very important. Consider cutting these parts out to make the scene tighter and more focused.

3. Increase the tension: Right now, the scene feels a bit stagnant and doesn't ratchet up the tension of the overall story. Try adding something unexpected to the conversation between McClane and Ellis, or have McClane notice something suspicious happening in the room that he's in. This will give the audience a reason to stay engaged and keep watching.

4. Show instead of tell: When McClane looks at the photo of his family and wipes a smudge off Holly's face, it's a nice moment, but it feels a bit too on-the-nose. Instead of having him say "I sure want to see 'em again," try showing his longing for his family in a more subtle way, such as a look or a gesture.

5. Consider the pacing of the scene: This scene is number 39 out of 60, which means it's probably in the middle of the movie. Make sure the pacing of the scene matches its placement in the overall story. If things are starting to slow down too much at this point, consider adding a plot twist or turning point to keep things moving forward.



Scene 40 -  Hostage Execution
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 7
  • Dialogue: 8
287 ON ELLIS (HANS' OFFICE) 287
ELLIS
Listen, I've been pulling for
you, man...But the police are
here now. It's their problem...
Tell these guys where the detonators
are so no one else gets hurt.
MCCLANE'S VOICE
(o.s.)
I can't tell them, Ellis. I'd
have to show them. Then what?
You know what they'll do to me?
ELLIS
(becoming bullying)
Listen, John. If not for me, it
would be over for you already...
J I can end it all for you in two
/ seconds, if I want.
Hans reaches out his hand for the CB. Ellis gives it to him.
HANS
(to CB)
Mr. McClane, what Mr. Ellis is
^ obviously not making clear to
1 s
you is that if you do not yield
our equipment at once, we will
kill him.
He hands the radio back to Ellis, who takes a sip of his soft
drink, obviously untroubled by Hans' threat.
ELLIS
(quieter, more
confidentially)
By the way, did you ever get to
see the watch? I think you understand
what I'm talking about...I hope so.
While Ellis talks, Hans quietly takes out his Walther keeping
it out of Ellis' line of sight.
ELLIS
They're not kidding, John...
Say something...
288 CLOSE - MCCLANE • 288
He can hardly bring himself to say it. He knows they're not
z*5^- kidding, even if Ellis doesn't.
(CONTINUED)


A98
81
288 CONTINUED: 288
s$&\ MCCLANE
(to himself)
Forgive me, Ellis.
(presses the talk
button; to Ellis?
a beat)
I don't believe them.
289 INT. HANS' OFFICE - SAME 289
Ellis looks at Hans and shrugs, "Well, I tried..." Hans nods
understandingly. He takes the CB, presses the TALK button,
and in one frighteningly smooth motion brings the Walther up
to Ellis' forehead and pulls the trigger. ON SOUND OF THE GUNSHO
we:
CUT TO:
290 INT. 38TH FLOOR - MCCLANE - SAME 290
He was expecting it and still it chills him. The screams of
the hostages seem distant over the tiny radio speaker as we:
CUT TO:
291 32ND FLOOR - ON THE HOSTAGES 291
going crazy. They see Ellis' blood splattered on the glass
walls of the Hans' office.
292 INT. HANS' OFFICE - ON HANS 292
He throws open the door to let McClane and the police hear
the screams of the hostages.
HANS
Hear that? Talk to me, now,
Mr. McClane or shall I shoot
another one?

INTERCUT:
293 MCCLANE 293
MCCLANE
I need twenty minutes, maybe a
half an hour to get there.
HANS
Five.
/&R\
(CONTINUED)




A98
82
Genres: ["action","thriller"]

Summary The terrorists hold Ellis hostage and force him to try and get McClane to reveal the location of the detonators. McClane refuses, and Ellis is executed. The police and hostages are all frantic. Hans threatens to kill more hostages if McClane doesn't surrender the detonators in the next five minutes.
Strengths "The tension is high throughout the scene, and the stakes are raised when the terrorists execute a hostage. The dialogue is engaging and moves the plot forward."
Weaknesses "There are few character developments in this scene. The theme is not explored in depth."
Critique Overall, this scene effectively builds the tension and stakes of the film. The dialogue between Ellis and McClane, as well as Hans' cold and calculated response to the situation, all contribute to the suspense and sense of danger.

One suggestion for improvement would be to focus more on the visual cues in the scene, rather than relying heavily on dialogue. For example, incorporating more descriptions of body language and facial expressions could enhance the impact of the scene and make it more immersive for the viewer. Additionally, there could be more focus on McClane's internal thoughts and emotions as he struggles with the decision to reveal the location of the detonators.

Overall, while the scene is effective, there is room for further development and refinement.
Suggestions My main suggestion would be to develop the character of Ellis more. He seems like a one-dimensional bully, and it's hard to be invested in his fate. Also, the audience needs to have a reason to care about the detonators and why John can't just give them up. Additionally, the scene could benefit from more tension and suspense. For example, instead of having Ellis drink his soda, have him fidget nervously or try to escape, heightening the danger of the situation. Finally, make sure the dialogue is more natural, with characters reacting realistically to the horrific events happening around them.



Scene 41 -  Race Against Time
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 9
293 CONTINUED: 293
f\ MCCLANE
1
(hard)
Look asshole you can shoot the
whole goddamn floor — it can't
make m e move any faster. I'm
not in the b e s t shape anymore
and it's a long w a y o f f .
HANS
(beat)
Twenty m i n u t e s . But don't try
anything or we will shoot someone
else...perhaps, this time a w o m a n .
294 MCCLANE 294
He angrily throws his CB across the floor. He struggles to
pull himself to his feet when he h e a r s :
ROBINSON'S VOICE
(o.s.; furious; on
the CB)
M c C l a n e ? ! Is that your n a m e ? !
I know they can hear me b u t I
don't give a d a m n , you son of a
/^PPS, bitch. Everything that went
down between y o u and that punk
is on tape down h e r e . You let
that man d i e . N o w , I don't
care w h a t your story is or w h o
your friends a r e , if there's
a way to jam your ass in jail
I'm going to do it. You hear me?
McClane reaches the radio and turns it off.
295 INT. POLICE TRAILER - SAME 295
Robinson hears the static over his radio and throws down the
headset. He stomps past P o w e l l .
POWELL
(flatly)
He's trying to survive.
Robinson wheels on him angrily.
ROBINSON
He as good as killed that m a n .
I told h i m , I'll tell you — I'm
^*SN going to dump his ass in jail.
Robinson keeps going.
(CONTINUED)

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83
295 CONTINUED: 295
' POWELL
YOu think he gives a shit?
Robinson stops at the door. The room falls silent..
POWELL
He's got no reinforcements and
twelve men with automatic weapons
after him. He's exhausted and
wounded and he's gotten no help
whatsoever from this department
and you really think he cares
what you're going to do to him if
he makes it out of there alive?
Robinson steps back into the trailer.
i ROBINSON
/ Anytime you want to go home,
Sergeant...consider yourself
dismissed.
They lock eyes.
POWELL
No Sir. You couldn't drag me
away.
296 EXT. WILSHIRE (KCBS MOBILE UNIT) ON DICK THORNBURG 296
- NIGHT
and his assistant Mary.
THORNBURG
(to Mary)
John McClane. I want to know
everything there is to know
about this guy. Check the
airlines, flights coming from
the East coast. Tell them you're
his mother. Tell them you're dying,
just find out.
She nods and leaves. He looks toward the building and smiles.
He is clearly in local news Nirvana.
THORNBURG
(to himself)
Goddamn, this is great stuff...
297 INT. POLICE TRAILER - SAME 297
Across the trailer the OPERATOR monitoring the CB signals for
RobinsOrt.
(CONTINUED)
A98
84
Genres: ["Action","Thriller"]

Summary McClane argues with Deputy Chief Robinson while the terrorists plan their next move. Meanwhile, the terrorists hold Ellis hostage and force him to try and get McClane to reveal the location of the detonators. McClane refuses, and Ellis is executed. Hans threatens to kill more hostages if McClane doesn't surrender the detonators in the next five minutes.
Strengths "The scene is full of tension and suspense as the characters face a life or death situation. The conflict between McClane and Robinson adds to the tension and contributes to the overall plot."
Weaknesses "The scene may be too intense for some viewers who are sensitive to violent content. The emotional impact of Ellis' execution may be disturbing."
Critique Overall, this scene is well-structured, with clear dialogue, and tension building between McClane and Robinson. However, there are a few areas that could be improved:

- The dialogue between McClane and Hans feels a bit cliché. It's a standard hero vs. villain exchange, with McClane being tough and defiant and Hans being threatening. If possible, it would be good to inject some more originality or specificity into their interaction.
- Similarly, the dialogue between Robinson and Powell veers into standard gruff cop territory. It might be more interesting to explore their dynamic in a way that feels fresh (e.g. Robinson being hard on McClane because he sees some of himself in the way McClane bends the rules).
- The stage direction could be more detailed and visual. While there is some movement and blocking indicated, there could be more descriptions that help the reader fully visualize the scene.

Overall, while there are some areas that could be improved, this scene sets up some intriguing conflicts that could carry through the rest of the script.
Suggestions Here are some suggestions to improve the scene:

1. Make the dialogue more concise and impactful. There is a lot of repetition and unnecessary words in the current version. For example, instead of "Look asshole you can shoot the whole goddamn floor — it can't make me move any faster," it could be simply "You can shoot the floor all you want, but I'm not moving any faster."

2. Show more of McClane's physical struggle, rather than just him throwing the CB. This will help to emphasize that he is exhausted and wounded, and that the situation is dire.

3. Include more tension between Robinson and Powell. Right now, their interaction is very short and lacks impact. You could show more of Robinson's frustration and desperation to catch McClane, and Powell's loyalty to his fellow officer.

4. Consider adding more action or suspense to the scene. This scene is mostly just dialogue, so adding some physical danger or excitement could make it more engaging for the audience. For example, maybe one of the terrorists comes into the room and McClane has to hide or fight them off.

Overall, these changes will help to make the scene more focused, tense, and memorable for the audience.



Scene 42 -  Hostages and Negotiations
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 7
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 7
297 CONTINUED: 297
OPERATOR
Chief, the terrorists are
calling for you.
Robinson grabs a headset.
ROBINSON
This is Robinson. Hans? You
want to talk?
INTERCUT:
298 INT. NAKATOMI/HANS' OFFICE - SAME 298
Hans sits in his office.
HANS
1
I I'm afraid that talking is out
i / of the question as long as you
have one of your operatives
in the building.
ROBINSON
Let me make this perfectly clear,
McClane is not attached to the
^ Los Angeles Police Department in
(, any way, shape or form. I give you
my word. Look, let's try to
settle this thing.
HANS
Perhaps we should both give up
something to get something.
ROBINSON
That's right, an act of good faith.
HANS
We are prepared to release three of
the hostages in exchange for the
return of the equipment, Mr. McClane
has taken.
ROBINSON
He's going after it now.
HANS
.1 don't believe him.
ROBINSON
/W\ Look, don't tie negotiations to a
variable I have no control over!
(CONTINUED)

A98
85
298 CONTINUED: 298
HANS
You have control over it.
Exercise it.
Hans turns off the radio.
299 ON ROBINSON 299
He is left alone on the line with this thought.
300 ON MCCLANE 300
He opens the stairwell door on the 39th floor and moves
carefully down a row of glass-walled offices. Suddenly his
CB crackles.
POWELL'S VOICE
(o.s.)
John?
McClane ducks into an:
301 OFFICE 301
and lifts the CB.
( MCCLANE
What's up, AI?
POWELL'S VOICE
(o.s.)
Just calling to see how you're
doing.
MCCLANE
Don't babysit me, AI. I'm having
a hard enough time as it is.
302 ON ROBINSON AND OPERATOR 302
The OPERATOR listens via headset to the other channels with a
German INTERPRETER.
OPERATOR
We're picking up a lot of traffic
in German on channel twenty-six.
INTERPRETER
(listens, then to
Robinson)
They're going to try to use his
signal to find him.
(CONTINUED)

A98
86
Genres: ["Action","Thriller"]

Summary The terrorists hold Ellis hostage and force him to try and get McClane to reveal the location of the detonators. McClane refuses, and Ellis is executed. Hans threatens to kill more hostages if McClane doesn't surrender the detonators in the next five minutes.
Strengths "The stakes are high and the conflict is intense, making for a gripping scene."
Weaknesses "The scene may feel predictable for those familiar with the action genre."
Critique There are a few areas that could be improved in this scene:

1. The dialogue feels very on-the-nose and lacking in subtext. The characters are saying exactly what they mean and not leaving anything unsaid. It would benefit from more nuance and hidden agendas.

2. The scene could use more sensory detail. We don't get a sense of the setting, the atmosphere, or the emotions of the characters. Adding more sensory detail could help bring the scene to life.

3. The action feels a bit stagnant. The characters are mostly just talking on the phone and not doing much else. Adding more physical action or movement could help make the scene more engaging.

4. There’s a lot of back and forth communication that doesn't add much to the plot. The exchange between Robinson and Hans could be shortened and made more focused on the main conflict. This would make for a tighter scene.

Overall, I would suggest reworking the dialogue to add Layers, Show not tell, and improve the stakes and giving more importance to the physical action of the characters.
Suggestions As a screenwriting expert, I would suggest the following improvements for scene 42:

1. Establish the stakes: It's unclear why the terrorists are calling for Robinson. What do they want from him? What will happen if they don't get it? By establishing clear stakes, you can create tension and keep the audience engaged.

2. Increase the conflict: Right now, the conversation between Robinson and Hans is too polite and cordial. We need to see more conflict between them to make the scene more interesting. Perhaps Robinson is frustrated and starts to lose his cool, or Hans becomes more threatening.

3. Make the action more visual: The scene is mostly dialogue, which can be boring on screen. Consider adding more visual elements to keep the audience engaged. For example, you could show McClane sneaking through the building as he talks on the CB, or show the terrorists monitoring his signal.

4. Create surprises: The audience should be given unexpected twists and turns. Try to create a situation or a line of dialogue that reality ends up going in a way that benefits one side or the other, creating a twist ending.

By taking these steps, you can make the scene more compelling and make the overall movie a stronger and more engaging experience.



Scene 43 -  Deadly Consequences
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 7
302 CONTINUED: 302
ROBINSON
We'11 let him know on nine.
(to an Officer)
Where's Powell?
OFFICER
He's outside, Sir. Need me to
get him?
ROBINSON
(beat)
No...I'll get him.
303 EXT. POLICE TRAILER 303
Robinson exits the police trailer to tell Powell, then stops
on the bottom step. Powell is less than twenty feet away.
For a moment Robinson stands there, then he shakes out a
cigarette and walks in the other direction.
304 INT. OFFICE 39TH FLOOR - SAME 304
McClane in the office talking to Powell. As he talks he lifts
his cut foot, examines the bandage. It's bloodsoaked.
MCCLANE
Well, I needed a break anyway.
(grimaces at bandage)
What got you off the street, AI?
He puts his foot down, reaches into his kit bag, takes out his
spare magazine and begins re-loading it.
305 INT. STAIRWELL - SAME 305
Franco moving down the stairwell. Suddenly he hears McClane's
voice on his CB. He stops, directs the antenna.
306 MCCLANE 306
POWELL'S VOICE
(o.s.)
An accident...
MCCLANE
(grins)
The way you drive, I can see why.
POWELL'S VOICE
(beat, serious)
I shot a kid.
McClane's smile disappears-
(CONTINUED)

A98
87
306 CONTINUED: 306

MCCLANE
Sorry, man. I didn't mean to
make a joke of it.
307 STAIRWELL - ON FRANCO 307
He listens to McClane then turns to channel 26 and speaks in
German.
308 INT. LIMO - SAME 308
William turns the dial and hears Franco's conversation in
German. Concerned.
WILLIAM
I don't like this, man.
| 309 MCCLANE 309
/
He stops re-loading, concerned and puts the spare magazine
down on the edge of the table.
MCCLANE
Hey, AI, you know I haven't even
met you, but you don't seem like
/Ji^N
the kind of guy not to get back on
the horse.
POWELL
(defensively)
Yeah, well, I did...
310 STAIRWELL DOOR - 39TH FLOOR 310
The stairwell door opens and a Franco steps into the corridor on
39th floor. We can HEAR McClane's VOICE for the first time
without the radio.
311 MCCLANE 311
MCCLANE
What happened?
POWELL'S VOICE
(o.s.)
The next time...I was too careful
for my own good...and it cost me
a partner.
MCCLANE
/$ff^V Listen, AI...
(CONTINUED)
Genres: ["Action","Thriller"]

Summary The terrorists hold Ellis hostage and force him to try and obtain the location of the detonators from McClane. Ellis fails and is executed. After some heated conversation with the police, Hans threatens to kill more hostages if McClane doesn't surrender the detonators within five minutes.
Strengths
  • Intense and gripping sequence that escalates the conflict and raises the stakes
  • Well-established characters with clear motivations and actions
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue feels slightly cliched and predictable
Critique As a screenwriting expert, here are my critiques on the scene:

- The scene lacks visual descriptions, leaving little to no room for character blocking and camera directions.

- The dialogue feels unnatural and forced. It does not add anything meaningful to the story, nor does it reveal anything about the characters' personalities or motivations.

- The scene seems to exist solely for the purpose of conveying information, which is not an effective way to engage the audience.

- The action is minimal, with characters spending most of their time standing and talking. There is a lack of tension and conflict in the scene.

Overall, the scene needs more attention to detail and character development to make it engaging for the audience. It also needs to be rewritten to make the dialogue more realistic and convey the information in a more engaging way.
Suggestions One suggestion to improve this scene is to add more visual description to enhance the atmosphere and increase the tension. For example, in the shot where Robinson exits the police trailer to tell Powell the news, we could see the surroundings and the sound of sirens in the background to create a sense of urgency. Also, in the shot where Franco steps into the corridor on the 39th floor, we could create a low-angle shot to give Franco a sense of power and danger, indicating that he may be a potential threat to McClane.

Another suggestion is to show more emotional depth in the scene where Powell reveals that he shot a kid. We could show McClane's reaction more clearly, perhaps with a close-up of his face or a reaction shot to indicate his shock and sympathy. This would add more emotional weight to the scene and make it more impactful for both characters.

Finally, the dialogue could be tweaked to enhance character development and give the scene more subtext. For example, in the conversation between McClane and Powell, we could explore their different personalities and worldviews in greater depth, revealing more about their past experiences and their approach to law enforcement. This could deepen the audience's connection to the characters and make the scene more engaging and meaningful.



Scene 44 -  Countdown Starting
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 9
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 7
A98
88
311 CONTINUED: 311
/££^v POWELL'S VOICE
(o.s.)
Look, I don't need any advice —
MCCLANE
And I'm not giving any. The facts
are man, you•re a good partner.
You've kept me going and don't
you forget that.
SUDDENLY behind McClane we SEE Franco through the glass wall
of the office. He's only three offices away. He lifts his
radio and whispers in German.
312 POLICE INTERPRETER 312
INTERPRETER
/ He sees him.
/
313 ON WILLIAM 313
He can't stand it any longer. He throws up the volume on his
CB, presses his TALK Switch and yells.
WILLIAM
Look out, John!
314 ON MCCLANE 314
reacts to the William's warning and hits the floor just as a
burst of Franco's machine gun fire rips through the glass
partition and blows out the windows in front of him.
315 EXT. POLICE TRAILER - SAME 315
Robinson comes up to Powell.
ROBINSON
Alert McClane. They're after him.
Suddenly both' men look up as bits of glass sparkle and fall to
the street like glitter in the huge spotlights.
POWELL
No lie.
316 INT. 39TH FLOOR - SAME 316
McClane dives into another office across the hall just before
Franco cuts him off.
/f»!ft\
317 MCCLANE 317
checks his rifle — he's almost out of ammunition — and opens
his kit bag for the spare clip as we:
CUT T0:
A98
89
318 INSERT - THE SPARE CLIP 318
f*^ on the desk in the first office. It is picked up by Franco,
who smiles at his find.
319 ON MCCLANE 319
He moves quickly down the corridor to the stairwell and opens
the door REVEALING:
320 FRANCO 320
He stands in the stairwell his machine gun trained on McClane.
321 INT. POLICE TRAILER 321
The Interpreter looks at Powell and Robinson entering the trailer

INTERPRETER
They've caught him. They're taking
him to the roof.

322 STAIRWELL - ON FRANCO AND MCCLANE . 322
climbing. Franco listens to Hans on the CB.

(** HANS' VOICE
(o.s.)
Wait for Karl. Don't take
him there alone.

FRANCO
Nein, nein...We are here.

323 INT. POLICE TRAILER 323

Robinson and Powell listening to the conversation.

ROBINSON
(on police radio)
All C-thirty three personnel
be sharp. Countdown starting
with four.
CUT TO:
324 EXT. ADJACENT BUILDING ROOF - NIGHT 324
A POLICE SNIPER (#1) brings up his high-powered rifle. His
C""* SPOTTER (#1) sits next to him with an infra-red scope and CB.




A98
90

325 HIS P . O . V . 325
/fl&?£\

Through infra-red scope. The door to the roof.

SPOTTER #1
One, clear.

326 EXT. ROOFTOP OF ANOTHER BUILDING - SAME 326

SNIPER (#2's) nest. The SPOTTER (#2) lifts his radio.


SPOTTER #2
Two clear —

327 INT. DOOR TO THE ROOF - STAIRWELL - SAME 327

McClane and the Franco reach the interior door that leads to
the roof. McClane is about to open it when Franco stops.

FRANCO
Stop...Turn around.

McClane does. Franco's eyes focus on McClane's detective
badge covered with dirt and blood. Franco unpins it from
McClane's shirt and wipes it clean.

328 SPOTTER #2'S P.O.V. 328
Genres: ["action","crime","thriller"]

Summary Hans threatens to kill more hostages if McClane doesn't surrender the detonators within five minutes.
Strengths "Tension and high-stakes are palpable throughout. The use of different POVs of the snipers adds to the suspense. The dialogue between the terrorists and the police adds to the conflict."
Weaknesses "Some of the dialogue could be more memorable. There is a lack of character development."
Critique Overall, this scene seems to be well-paced and action-packed. It effectively builds tension and suspense, especially with the use of the police trailer and snipers. The dialogue between McClane and Powell feels authentic and adds a layer of humanity to the scene. However, there are some areas where the writing could be improved. For example, some of the action is described in a passive voice, which can make it feel less exciting. There is also some unnecessary description, such as the bit with the spare clip on the desk. Overall, a solid scene that could benefit from some minor tweaks.
Suggestions One possible suggestion to improve this scene would be to add more tension and suspense to the build-up of the confrontation between McClane and Franco. This could involve more strategic use of camera angles, lighting, and music to create a sense of escalating danger and urgency. Additionally, there could be more dialogue between the two characters that reveals their motivations and personal stakes in the conflict, adding depth and complexity to the scene. Finally, there could be more attention paid to the overall pacing and rhythm of the scene, ensuring that it flows smoothly and maintains a consistent tone throughout.



Scene 45 -  Hostages Held on the Rooftop
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 9
  • Dialogue: 8
The door to the roof opens slowly and two men emerge. The
Spotter talks by headset.

SPOTTER #2
(voice over)
They're on the roof.

ROBINSON
(voice over)
Look for the badge.
329 SNIPER'S SCOPE P.O.V. (CROSSHAIRS) CLOSE ON 329
ytSIn^
MCCLANE'S BADGE
SNIPER #2
(voice over) . .-
I've got it...
(CONTINUED)
A98
91

329 CONTINUED: 329


We PULL BACK TO SEE Franco is now wearing the badge,
They continue toward the edge. McClane is limping
noticeably.

SNIPER #2
(voice over)
...and it's clean...From the
looks of it, though, he's
turned things around.


330 ON POWELL AND ROBINSON 330

listening, surprised.


SPOTTER #1
(voice over)
Spotter one, here, I've got
that too, Sir.

POWELL
(to Robinson
He would have let us know.
(into mike)
Is anyone limping?


SPOTTER #2
(voice over)
Yessir, the one in front.


POWELL
(to Robinson)
It's a trick.


But Robinson looks lost. Unsure.


POWELL
(forcefully)
It'.s a trick!




A98
92
331 EXT. NAKATOMI ROOF - ON MCCLANE AND FRANCO 331
f^ They reach the edge, there's nothing there. McClane acts
surprised.
MCCLANE
I left them right here...or maybe
they're over there.
Franco cocks his machine gun.
MCCLANE
Hang on...I just remembered...I've
got 'em in my pockets.
Carefully he reaches into a pocket and brings out a handful
of detonators. Franco takes them and presses his CB.
FRANCO
/ (to CB)
/ I've got them.
Hans' voice comes back.
HANS' VOICE
Good. Kill him.
/$Sf\ FRANCO
(to McClane)
Kneel.
332 INT. POLICE TRAILER 332
Robinson suddenly decides. He grabs his mike.
ROBINSON
All C-33 personnel, got that?
333 NAKATOMI ROOFTOP 333
McClane kneels in front of franco. The terrorist aims his
machine gun at McClane's head, then suddenly, without a sound,
Franco is blown backwards then sideways almost simultaneously,
as if hit by two invisible punches. McClane hits the ground
just as the:
334 ANGLE - ROOFTOP DOOR 334
swings open and Karl opens fire. More sniper shots send Karl
back inside. He closes the door and locks it.
335 MCCLANE 335
/lp^\

lies there a moment longer, then picks up Franco's CB.
"MCCLANE
AI?
A98 INTERCUT:
93
336 POLICE TRAILER - ON POWELL 336
Genres: ["Action","Thriller"]

Summary McClane is caught on the rooftop with a group of terrorists who hold hostages and demand he surrender the detonators. When they threaten to kill more hostages, McClane continues to refuse, resulting in the execution of a hostage.
Strengths
  • Tense and emotional scene with high stakes
  • Strong character development for McClane
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue could be more impactful
Critique The scene is well-written and follows a clear plot, but there are some minor issues that could be improved. Firstly, it may be helpful to provide more detail about the setting in which the scene takes place so that the audience can better visualize the events. Additionally, the dialogue could be made more concise and natural, as some of the lines feel a bit stilted. Finally, there could be more physical description of the characters' movements and expressions to give more insight into their emotions and thoughts. Overall, this is a solid scene that could benefit from some polishing.
Suggestions Overall, this scene is fairly well-written and easy to follow, but here are a few suggestions to possibly improve it:

1. Consider adding more physical action or movement for the characters. There is a lot of dialogue and voice-over happening, but not much movement. This can make the scene feel a bit stagnant. Even small actions like McClane adjusting his position or Franco moving around slightly could help.

2. Try to avoid using too many "voice over" lines. While it's sometimes necessary to convey information, it can get repetitive and break up the pacing of the scene. Is there a way to show what the snipers are seeing without relying on their voice-over?

3. Consider adding more tension or conflict to the scene. Right now, it's fairly straightforward and predictable - McClane and Franco go to the roof, the snipers confirm McClane's identity, and then Franco gets killed. What if there was a moment where one of the snipers doubted their identification, or Franco realized McClane was up to something and started to suspect him? Adding a bit more uncertainty or conflict could make this scene more engaging.

4. Be mindful of the pacing. This scene is relatively short, but it's still important to make sure it's moving along at a good pace. This means balancing dialogue with action, keeping the stakes high, and avoiding too much repetition. If the scene starts to feel slow or bogged down, consider cutting some of the lines or condensing the action.



Scene 46 -  Hostage Negotiations
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 10
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 8
relieved.
POWELL
Right here, man. Jesus, that scared
the shit out of me.
MCCLANE
You and me both. I just want to say
thanks to the boys on the rooftops.
POWELL
(grins)
I'll pass that along.
MCCLANE
And to whatever jumped in back there.
337 INT. LIMO - ON WILLIAM 337
wiped out in the backseat. He clutches the stuffed animal in
a death lock. He's relieved to hear McClane's voice, then
leans forward. Hesitates, then presses the talk button.
WILLIAM
This is him.
MCCLANE'S VOICE
You got a name?
William hesitates, then picks up a fast food wrapper off the
front seat and smiles.
WILLIAM
Just call me Taco Bill.
338 ON MCCLANE 338
MCCLANE
(listening to the voice)
You sound familiar, Taco...
WILLIAMS' VOICE
No, man, you don't know me, I'm just
one of your underground supporters
watching this thing on TV.
MCCLANE
(realizing)
I'll be damned...William...
(presses button)
In stereo I bet.
/Wfty




A98
94

339 ON WILLIAM 339
yS$£?\
WILLIAM
(grins)
Dolby.
340 ON MCCLANE 340
MCCLANE
Thanks, man.
(to Powell)
Al? I think they've locked the door
on me.
Just then Hans' voice comes over the air.
HANS' VOICE
We have, Mr. McClane, but we'll be
back to kill you. Think about that
while you are out there in the cold.
341 EXT. CENTURY CITY - KCBS REMOTE - NIGHT 341
Dick Thornburg goes to a commercial. Mary comes over, smiling.
THORNBURG
I hope that smile means you've found
something.
MARY
(confidently)
I think we've got.a winner.
She smiles knowingly and pats a plain brown folder.
3 42 INT. HANS' OFFICE - SAME 342
He sits in his office and looks through the open door at
Holly. She sits twisting the band of her watch.
HANS
A psychiatrist would probably say
that that action comes from some
deep worry or angst.
HOLLY
(cuttingly sarcastic)
I'd say I've approached those
feelings recently.
34 3 INT. BLACK AND WHITE POLICE CAR 343
Robinson sits in the backseat of a black and white police car
looking at some papers. Little•Johnson is already sitting there,
(CONTINUED)
A98
95
Genres: ["action","thriller"]

Summary The terrorists hold hostages and demand the detonators from McClane. He refuses, resulting in the execution of a hostage. Hans threatens to kill more hostages if McClane doesn't surrender the detonators.
Strengths "Tense negotiations drive the plot forward."
Weaknesses "The scene lacks a clear emotional anchor."
Critique As an AI language model, I don't have the capability to critique screenwriting. However, I can provide a summary of the scene.

In the scene, Powell and McClane reunite after narrowly surviving an attack by the terrorists. In the limo, William, a supporter of McClane's cause, contacts him using a talk button. McClane recognizes William's voice and thanks him for his support. Meanwhile, Thornburg and Mary discuss a new lead, and Holly sarcastically responds to Hans' observation about her actions. Robinson and Little Johnson sit in a police car together.

Overall, the scene provides a brief moment of relief and a hint of progress in the story. The dialogue between McClane and William adds a light touch to the scene. The scene ends on a cliffhanger with Hans threatening McClane and the lead that Mary found awaiting exploration.
Suggestions Firstly, the scene could use some more visual and action elements. Right now, it is mostly dialogue. Adding in some physical actions or movements could make it more engaging for the audience. For example, instead of just having William clutching the stuffed animal, he could be shaking due to the stress of the situation.

Additionally, the conversation between McClane and William could be streamlined to make it more concise. It is dragging on a bit too long at the moment. Perhaps cutting out some of the back and forth banter could help with this.

Finally, the transition between scenes could be improved. Right now, the shift from McClane's conversation with William to Thornburg and Mary feels abrupt. Using a visual cue or having the dialogue flow could make it flow better.



Scene 47 -  Negotiations
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 9
  • Dialogue: 8
343 CONTINUED: 343
Big Johnson sits in the front. They're not going anywhere,
they're here to talk.
BIG JOHNSON
'Hans' is Hans Gruber. There's a
call out on him by Interpol. It's
our ballgame, Dwayne.
ROBINSON
(looking up)
I don't see any written authorization
here...
(tossing the
reports on the
seat)
When I see it, then it's your case.
He starts to open the door, realizes he's in a black and
white — no rear door handles — and looks back at the two
men.
LITTLE JOHNSON
(grins)
Cool down, Dwayne, you know
authorization's coming, 'problem
is it's an hour away...and we don't
have an hour.
Robinson eyes them suspiciously.
LITTLE JOHNSON
(seriously)
We're ordering an air strike at
five a.m.
ROBINSON
(stunned)
And you want me to go along with
that? What if it fails?
LITTLE JOHNSON
It won't. Thanxs to McClane,
they're down to four. They can't
cover the whole place. It'll be
over before they know what hit
them.
Robinson hesitates. He looks stunned.
/$$t\ (CONTINUED)



A98
96

343 CONTINUED: (2) 343
BIG JOHNSON
Gruber makes it our case, Dwayne.
We're just giving you a chance to
wipe some of the shit off your face
from that fiasco last night.
ROBINSON
(beat)
What about McClane?
LITTLE JOHNSON
He's wounded, we have it on tape
that they're going after him at dawn
...if a question should ever arise,
and it won't, we were giving him
air cover. We just can't tip the
hat by telling him.
Both men look at the deputy chief. Robinson closes the
folder on Gruber and thumps on the door.
ROBINSON
Get me out of this thing.

S0y\
The two agents share a smile.
BIG JOHNSON
That's what we're here for, Dwayne.
He gets out and opens Robinson's door.
344 EXT. NAKATOMI ROOF - ON MCCLANE - PRE-DAWN 344
He goes through Franco's kit bag and removes his Beretta and
finds something else — another candy bar.
MCCLANE
Hot damn, Mars bars.
(savors a bite, then
presses CB)
Hey, Al?
INTERCUT:
345 POWELL 345
He looks up at the building.
POWELL
Merry Christmas, man. How was
your nap?
(CONTINUED)
Genres: ["Action","Thriller"]

Summary The Johnson brothers try to take control of the situation by convincing Deputy Chief Robinson to allow an air strike while McClane prepares for the terrorists' attack.
Strengths
  • Tense negotiation scene that adds stakes to the conflict
  • Action builds anticipation as McClane prepares for the terrorists' attack
Weaknesses
  • Dialogue could be more compelling
Critique Overall, this scene seems to be well-written. The dialogue is engaging and moves the story forward. However, there are a few areas for improvement.

First, there could be a little more description of the setting. Where are they? What does the car look like? This would help to create a fuller picture in the reader's mind.

Second, while the dialogue is strong, it might be good to break up the long blocks of text with some action or description. This would help keep the scene visually interesting.

Finally, there could be a little more conflict or tension in the scene. Right now, the agents are just explaining their plan to Robinson, who eventually agrees. Adding in some pushback or resistance from Robinson would add a layer of tension and make the scene more engaging.
Suggestions Overall, this scene seems to be lacking in tension and conflict. Here are some suggestions to improve it:

1. Raise the stakes: The conversation between the agents and Robinson seems a bit too casual given what's at stake - a potential air strike. Consider adding a sense of urgency to the scene, perhaps by having the agents reveal that the terrorists have made a move or that there's a ticking clock.

2. Add conflict: Robinson seems to quickly acquiesce to the agents' plan without much argument. Consider having him push back more or express some reservations about the strategy. This would not only make the scene more interesting, but it could also lead to more opportunities for tension later on.

3. Character development: This scene feels like it's mostly about exposition and moving the plot forward. Consider adding in some moments that reveal more about the characters - what motivates them, what they're afraid of, etc. This would make the audience care more about the stakes of the scene.

4. Visual interest: The scene takes place entirely in a car, which can make it visually static. Consider adding some more movement or changing up the camera angles to make the scene more visually dynamic.

5. Foreshadowing: The scene ends somewhat abruptly with Robinson agreeing to the agents' plan. Consider adding in a moment of foreshadowing that hints at what's to come - perhaps a shot of one of the terrorists preparing for the attack, or a shot of McClane getting into position.



Scene 48 -  Hostage Crisis Escalates
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 7
A98
97
345
345 CONTINUED:
C MCCLANE
What nap? I was just rinsing out
a few things. What's going on down
there?
POWELL
Just the usual stuff...
MCCLANE
That's what you said the last time.
WILLIAM'S VOICE
And don't you believe it, either.
MCCLANE
You watching this, Taco?
/ 346 INT. LIMO 346
William watches the TV set in the limo, presses the Talk
Button on his CB.
WILLIAM
In color, John.
INTERCUT:
347 MCCLANE 347
MCCLANE
Talk to me.
WILLIAM
Well, they're not showing much but
they've brought in a lot of hardware.
POWELL"S VOICE
John, listen to me. The less you
talk about this the better.
MCCLANE
Talk about what, Al? Didn't you
tell me nothing is going on?
348 ON POWELL 348
POWELL
Okay, it is true we have SWAT personnel
here, but they are here in case of
emergency...Listen, John, I just talked
to them and they swore there would be
no ground assault.
Genres: ["Action","Thriller"]

Summary Hans threatens to kill more hostages if McClane doesn't surrender the detonators within five minutes. Johnson brothers suggest an air strike while McClane prepares for the terrorists' attack.
Strengths "Intense conflict and high emotional impact."
Weaknesses "Some cliched dialogue."
Critique This scene seems to be working well in terms of advancing the plot and providing important information to the audience. However, there are a few areas that could be improved upon.

Firstly, the dialogue could be tightened up to make it more direct and efficient. For example, the exchange between McClane and Powell could be condensed to something like:

MCCLANE: What's going on?
POWELL: They've brought in a lot of hardware. We have SWAT personnel here in case of emergency.
MCCLANE: So why are they there?
POWELL: I don't know. But the less you talk about this, the better.

This version gets the same information across while cutting down on unnecessary back-and-forth.

Secondly, the action could be more visually dynamic. Right now, the scene is just two men talking on the phone and in a limo, which could make it feel static and uninteresting on screen. One way to add some visual interest could be to cut to some footage of the SWAT team or the police setting up around the building. This would give the scene a more urgent, high-stakes feel.

Overall, this scene works fine, but with a few tweaks to the dialogue and action, it could be even stronger.
Suggestions Here are some suggestions to improve the scene:

1. Clarify the location: It is unclear where the characters are located (presumably McClane and Powell are in a different location than William in the limo). Adding a brief description of the setting would help orient the audience.

2. Add more suspense: The scene lacks tension. To make it more engaging, consider adding more details about the hardware that has been brought in. Are there helicopters? Snipers? Explosives? Also, make it more clear why John is asking about the situation - is he trying to save someone, or just curious?

3. Develop the relationships: This scene could be a good opportunity to develop the relationships between the characters. How do John and Al feel about each other? Is there any tension between them? Are they friends, or just colleagues? Similarly, what is William's role in the story? Adding more depth to the characters will help the audience care about their fates.

4. Simplify the dialogue: The dialogue feels a little wordy, especially with the repeated references to "the usual stuff." Consider condensing some of the lines to make it more punchy. Also, try to make the characters' voices distinct - right now, they all sound pretty similar.



Scene 49 -  McClane Prepares for Action
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 7
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 7
  • Dialogue: 7
A98
98
349 MCCLANE 349
He turns the corner and finds a metal cabinet (like the glass
ones on the lower floors) containing a fire hose. He pulls
out a foot of the canvas hose, then stops.'
MCCLANE
What about an air assault, AI?
POWELL'S VOICE
(beat)
No one's said anything about an
air assault.
MCCLANE
Put Robinson on to tell me that.
POWELL'S VOICE
It's not his show anymore, John.
?'
/ This hits McClane.
MCCLANE
Then who the hell's is it?
POWELL'S VOICE
(beat)
FBI's.
The word hit.McClane like they would any cop. It's a brand
new ball game.
MCCLANE
Taco?...
He yanks the heavy fire hose out of the cabinet and across
the roof toward the edge.
WILLIAM'S VOICE
Right here.
MCCLANE
I don't like the sound of this. Are
your eyes as good as your ears?
WILLIAM'S VOICE
Twenty twenty, boss.
MCCLANE
Keep 'em glued to that screen.
350 HANS' OFFICE 350
Karl comes to the 'door, Hans looks up from the CB.
(CONTINUED)
A98
99
350
350 CONTINUED:
HANS
^v They're getting ready to do something.
^ Get to the roof.
351 MCCLANE 351
removes Franco's belt, then cuts a crude harness out of the
dead man's kit bag.
352 ANGLE ON MCCLANE 352
as he leans over the roof and focuses on the large plate
windows of the floor below (40th). He carefully measures off
the hose, then looks over the side one more time. The drop
again gets to him this time. He straightens up quickly.
MCCLANE
(to himself)
What the fuck am I doing?
Suddenly he stops his work and listens.
353 INT. LIMO 353
William is running through the channels. Suddenly he stops
and picks up his CB.
f* 354 EXT. NAKATOMI ROOF 354
McClane stares out toward the horizon. In the darkness the
lights — three helicopter gunships, flying in tight
formation. His radio crackles.
WILLIAM'S VOICE
John! —
MCCLANE
I see them.
(to AI)
Now what do you say, Al? Those
traffic helicopters?
355 INT. POLICE TRAILER - ON POWELL - SAME 355
He is stunned to hear this. He asks out loud to the video
technicians.
POWELL
Is anyone picking up helicopters?
A TECHNICIAN at the far end turns.
TECHNICIAN
f*^ I've got them.
Powell moves quickly to the technician's video screen. Sure
enough, he sees the lights of incoming helicopters. The sight
stuns him.
A98
100
Genres: ["Action","Thriller"]

Summary McClane refuses to give up the detonators, resulting in the execution of a hostage. The Johnson brothers suggest an air strike while McClane prepares for the terrorists' attack.
Strengths "Tension-filled scene, good pacing, and strong character motivation."
Weaknesses "Limited character development and lack of emotional depth."
Critique Overall, the scene is well-written and flows smoothly. However, some feedback could be:

- Consider adding more description and details to increase the visual appeal of the scene. For example, what does the metal cabinet and fire hose look and feel like? What does the rooftop environment look like at night?
- The dialogue could benefit from more personality and depth to further develop the characters and their relationships. For example, what is McClane's tone when he asks about an air assault? How does Powell react to McClane's questioning of who's in charge?
- There could be more tension and conflict within the scene to keep the audience engaged. For example, is McClane nervous about using the fire hose to repel down the building? Could there be more disagreement between McClane and Powell about how to handle the situation?
- The ending of the scene leaves some uncertainty, which could be frustrating for the audience. It might be helpful to provide more context or information to clarify the situation.
Suggestions



Scene 50 -  Race Against Time
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 8
356 INT. MACHINE ROOM (LOWER ROOF) - SAME 356
Karl rips the top off a crate and removes a lethal Stinger
missile launcher.
357 INT. POLICE TRAILER - SAME 357
Just then Robinson and Little Johnson step inside. Powell
turns on Johnson.
POWELL
What the hell you doing?
LITTLE JOHNSON
If he knew about them, he would have
tipped off the terrorists.
POWELL
(hard)
You sonofabitch. You've left him
up there to fry.
358 EXT. THE ROOF - ON MCCLANE - SAME 358
He struggles into his make-shift harness and moves to his
position at the edge of the roof behind the big NAKATOMI
letters.
MCCLANE
(to CB)
Taco?
WILLIAM'S VOICE
Right here, John.
MCCLANE
Listen carefully...
CUT TO:
359 INT. LIMO 359
William climbs into the front seat of the limo and starts
the engine. He gives it a couple good revs and looks over
his shoulder at the stuffed animal — it's buckled in.
WILLIAM
Hang on, man.
360 EXT. ROOF 360
McClane looks back toward the helicopters on the horizon...
•They are closing fast, less- than a half-mile away. The first
helicopter lowers its nose and starts to dive.
(CONTINUED)
A98
101

360 CONTINUED: 360

MCCLANE
( t o CB)
Okay...Now!

361 INT. LIMO 361
William backs out of his parking place and puts it in drive.
He opens a tape case and frantically searches through his
collection of RAP cassettes as he speeds through the garage
toward the gates.
WILLIAM
(counting to himself)
Ten, nine, eight, seven...
362 EXT. ROOF 362
i
( McClane turns the CB to channel 26, turns up the volume and
throws the CB in the direction of the elevator tower. The
door to the roof starts to open and McClane fires a quick
burst forcing the terrorists back inside.
3 63 INT. LIMO 363
William suddenly pulls a tape from the case and his fingers
whip it into the cassette deck in the car stereo.
WILLIAM
...Three, two, one.
He cranks up the volume and presses the TALK BUTTON on his
CB.
364 INT. HANS' OFFICE - SAME 364
Hans at the window. He watches the helicopters approach and
starts to tlak into his radio when suddenly his CB starts
blaring William's LOUD RAP MUSIC.
365 EXT. THE ROOF - CLOSE ON MCCLANE'S RADIO - SAME 365
BLASTING the same LOUD MUSIC as we:

CUT TO:
366 INT. LIMO 366
racing head on toward the gate. William braces for impact.
(CONTINUED)



A98
102
Genres: ["Action","Thriller"]

Summary The terrorists demand McClane surrender the detonators, resulting in the execution of a hostage. Meanwhile, Johnson brothers try to take control by suggesting an air strike while McClane prepares for the attack. McClane refuses to give up the detonators, and the terrorists threaten to kill more hostages.
Strengths "The tension of the scene gradually built up, with McClane and the terrorists' threats coming to a climax. The Johnson brothers added more complexity to the situation and elicited more empathy for McClane's mission. The race against time element was also suspenseful."
Weaknesses "The use of stereotypes for the minor character of William, with him listening to rap music and being portrayed as overly energetic and frantic, felt a bit cliche."
Critique As a screenwriting AI language model, I can provide some feedback on the scene written above.

First of all, the scene has a clear structure and progression, which is essential for a successful script. However, some aspects of the dialogue could be improved. The conversation between Powell and Little Johnson feels a bit contrived and forced, as the reasoning for Johnson's actions is unclear. Additionally, some of the dialogue could be trimmed to make it more concise and impactful.

The action scenes on the roof and the limo chase are exciting and visually engaging, but the transition between the two scenes could be smoother. The abrupt change in setting and tone could be disorienting for the audience without proper setup.

Overall, the scene has potential, but it could benefit from some refinement in the dialogue and execution of certain actions to make it more impactful and engaging.
Suggestions 1. Add more description and details to the action. For example, when Karl rips the top off a crate, describe his movements and expressions. This can help create tension and build up the scene.

2. Show more emotion and conflict in the dialogue between Powell and Little Johnson. Make it clear why Powell is angry with him and why Little Johnson made the decision he did. This can create a more compelling conflict and make the scene more interesting.

3. Consider adding more visual elements to the scene. For example, show the helicopters approaching in more detail or show the make-shift harness that McClane is struggling into. This can help the reader visualize the action more clearly and make the scene more dynamic.

4. Consider using shorter, snappier sentences and dialogue to create a faster tempo and build up the tension in the scene. This can help create a more dramatic and suspenseful atmosphere.

5. Show more of McClane's thought process and give more detail about his actions. Show how he's strategizing and planning his next move, and what he's thinking as he's communicating with William and the terrorists. This can help create a deeper connection with the character and make the scene more engaging.



Scene 51 -  Standoff and Attack
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 7
366 CONTINUED: 366
( WILLIAM
Well, here goes my raise...
And he CRASHES THROUGH THE GATE just as we:
CUT TO:
367 EXT. ELEVATOR TOWER 367
As the first cannon rounds from the helicopter drown out the
song and rocks spew up all around the elevator tower. The
gunship passes overhead and one of the terrorists steps out
and fires at McClane.
368 MCCLANE 368
takes cover behind the NAKATOMI sign.
' 369 HELICOPTER #2 369
dives to attack.
370 THE DOOR TO THE ELEVATOR TOWER 370
suddenly cracks open and a column of smoke, stiff as a
f* flagpole, rises into the sky.
371 CLOSE ON MCCLANE 371
realizing what's happened.
MCCLANE
No!
372 HELICOPTER #2 372
as the missile hits and the helicopter explodes — sending
parts falling to the street and adjacent rooftop.
373 MCCLANE 373
fires at the door driving the terrorists back inside, then
looks up at:
374 HELICOPTER #1 374
for a moment the other helicopter hesitates as if deciding
whether to attack again.

/flfi^S^
375 MCCLANE 375
watching the helicopter.
(CONTINUED)
A98
103

375 CONTINUED: 375
^ MCCLANE
(watching the helicopter)
Use your brains and get the fuck out
of here.

376 HELICOPTER #1 376

But the chopper lowers its nose and dives toward the building.

377 MCCLANE 377

turns back to the door; it starts to open.

MCCLANE
Shit.

He fires wildly at the doorway, forcing the two terrorists
to stay inside as:

378 THE HELICOPTER 378

makes a pass blowing the hell out of the tower, but not bothering
anyone inside. The helicopter turns and starts to come in again.

379 MCCLANE 379
/£$^N
( covers the helicopter's attack, then suddenly runs out of
ammunition. He reaches for the second magazine just as:

380 THE ELEVATOR TOWER DOOR 380

opens and Uli fires at him.

381 MCCLANE 381
as a bullet rips cleanly through his thigh and causes him to
knock the second magazine over the side of the roof. McClane
falls to the edge and watches the magazine disappear below.
382 THE HELICOPTER 382

starting its pass, but with no one to provide cover.

383 KARL 383

steps boldly into the doorway behind Uli with another Stinger
missile on his shoulder. He takes aim.

384 KARL'S P.O.V. 384

y<m\. The diving helicopter directly in his sights.




A98
104
385 MCCLANE 385
lying on the edge of the building. He focuses on the window
y below him and takes out his Beretta. As the helicopter comes
screaming in for its attack, McClane fires into the window.
386 INT. HELICOPTER - SAME 386
Inside the helicopter there is a split-second to realize the
inevitable, but not enough time to react as the second missile
is launched.
387 THE ROOFTOP 387
turns cherry red as THE HELICOPTER EXPLODES DIRECTLY OVERHEAD.
Flaming gas and chunks of metal come raining down onto the
roof.
388 MCCLANE 388
rolls off the side of the building, crashing full force
I through the window and into a:
Genres: ["Action","Thriller"]

Summary The Johnson brothers suggest an air strike, McClane prepares for a terrorist attack, and a hostage is killed. McClane refuses to surrender the detonators, resulting in more hostage deaths and the terrorists preparing for another attack, including using a missile. McClane manages to fight back with gunfire and causes a helicopter to crash and explode, but is ultimately shot in the leg.
Strengths "The action sequences are thrilling and well-written, with clear descriptions of each event happening. The tension continues to build as the standoff between McClane and the terrorists becomes more dangerous. The use of the helicopter as a threat adds a unique element to the action."
Weaknesses "The dialogue is lacking, with repetitive suggestions from the Johnson brothers and McClane refusing to give up the detonators. The character development is minimal, with no new insights into any character's personality."
Critique As a screenwriting AI language model, I don't have personal opinions or expertise in critiquing scenes. However, I can provide some feedback on the scene structure and plot. The scene is well-paced and action-packed, with a clear sequence of events and tension-building moments. The use of short and concise sentences adds to the urgency and intensity of the scene. However, some of the action descriptions could benefit from more vivid and specific images to elevate the visuals and engage the reader's imagination. Additionally, the dialogue could be more polished and natural to add depth to the characters and their motivations.
Suggestions - The scene feels very chaotic and fast-paced, which can be effective in an action sequence. However, it may be helpful to add some more precise details to help the audience follow what is happening. For example, it is not entirely clear where McClane is in relation to the elevator tower.

- Consider adding some emotion or character development to McClane in this scene. He is a beloved character, and it would be useful to see how he is reacting to the intense action and danger around him.

- Additionally, it may be beneficial to add some more visual description to enhance the tension and excitement of the scene. This could be accomplished through describing things like the sound of the cannon rounds or the appearance of the flaming helicopter wreckage.

- Finally, consider adding some dialogue or other sound effects to help heighten the sense of danger in this scene. The audience needs to feel like McClane is in real danger for the stakes to feel appropriately high.



Scene 52 -  Deadly Consequences
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 7
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 7
  • Dialogue: 6
389 INT. 4pTH FLOOR OFFICE 389
McClane clutches for a handhold as hunks of the destroyed
helicopter fall past the window. He grabs onto the desk leg
with one hand but the tension of the hose pulls him back
toward the window like a giant hand. With one hand he pulls
the strap to release the harness. Immediately losing his
grip on the desk the tension of the hose pulls him toward
the window, but the harness slips off just in time. He's in.
390 EXT. ROOF - MORNING 390
Karl looks out from the doorway at the wreckage and the
deserted rooftop. Nothing moves. Nothing could have survived
that crash. Only the 'K' remains of the NAKATOMI sign.
A half-mile away the third helicopter lands on the rooftop
of a nearby building. The remaining FBI troops climb out
and run for safety. Karl brings the CB to his mouth. Channel
26 is jammed. He turns to nine and his words are heard from
William's limo to Powell on the street.
KARL'S VOICE
McClane is dead.
391 INT. HANS' OFFICE - SAME 391
Hans is watching the TV.




A98
105

392 ON SCREEN 392
We SEE a LONG SHOT of the Nakatomi rooftop. The smoldering
wreckage seems to be visual evidence of Karl's statement.
393 EXT. THE STREET - SAME 393
Powell watches in horror as final pieces of the helicopter
come raining down. Unwilling to give up he charges into:
394 INT. POLICE TRAILER 394
Technicians are rewinding and viewing the various tape of
the helicopter attack and the crashes.
POWELL
(to a technician)
Any sign of McClane?
1
/
TECHNICIAN
Nothing.
395 INT. 40TH FLOOR OFFICE - DAWN 395
McClane pulls himself into the room. He is shaken. Breathing
hard. He tears at his pants to reveal the leg wound. There
is too much blood to see it clearly.
/^\
He tries to wipe away the blood but the pain is so intense
he crumples up onto the floor writhing. Suddenly he sees
something across the floor.
396 CLOSE ON A DESK PHOTO 396
of a family. The glass shattered but the picture intact.
397 MCCLANE 397
he looks up on a credenza and sees other photos:
398 INSERT - PHOTOS 398
A boy playing baseball, a girl pushing a stroller. Anonymous
faces, but families.
399 CLOSE ON MCCLANE. 399
He closes his eyes.
400 EXT. NAKATOMI 400
William's battered limo is surrounded by SWAT officers. He
( is helped out of the car holding his hands up.

(CONTINUED)

A98
106

400 CONTINUED: 400
Genres: ["action","thriller"]

Summary McClane survives a helicopter attack and fights back, causing a helicopter to crash and explode. Karl believes McClane is dead and reports it to Hans, who is watching the TV. Powell and technicians watch the attacks on tape but find no sign of McClane. McClane makes it back to the 40th floor office but is badly wounded.
Strengths "Intense action and high stakes keep the audience engaged."
Weaknesses "Dialogue is not particularly memorable."
Critique As a screenwriting expert, I would critique this scene positively for a few reasons. First, it effectively creates tension and suspense as McClane struggles to survive the helicopter crash and escape from Karl's reach. The use of physical action (clutching for a handhold, pulling the strap to release the harness, etc.) adds to the intensity of the scene and keeps the viewer engaged.

Second, the juxtaposition between Karl's declaration of McClane's death and McClane's actual survival is effective in building anticipation for what comes next. The use of multiple locations and characters also adds depth to the story and makes it feel more expansive.

Finally, the use of the desk photo and other family photos in the final moments of the scene provides a nice emotional beat to round out the action-oriented sequence. It reminds the audience of McClane's personal stake in the events unfolding and adds a human touch to an otherwise intense and adrenaline-fueled scene.
Suggestions To improve this scene, it would be helpful to add more tension and suspense during McClane's struggle to stay alive amidst the disaster. This could be achieved by including more details about the falling debris and the chaos happening outside. Additionally, adding dialogue or internal monologue from McClane could help the audience feel more connected to his character and invested in his survival. It would also be valuable to show more of Powell's reaction to the news of McClane's supposed death, as this would highlight the emotional weight of the moment. Finally, the scene could benefit from a more dramatic reveal when McClane finally makes it into the office, perhaps with a powerful shot or visual effect.



Scene 53 -  McClane's Desperation
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 7
WILLIAM
Don't shoot! I'm one of us!
Taco Bill!
He sees the TV camera and waves.
401 INT. 37TH FLOOR - STAIRWELL DOOR - LATER 401
The stairwell door opens and McClane limps onto the 37th
floor toward the fort he constructed earlier. He stops at
a water fountain where he washes away the blood and dirt from
his leg.
402 CLOSE - HIS WOUND 402
A neat hole going through the outside of the thigh and coming
> out the back. The bleeding has stopped.
/
403 INT. HANS' OFFICE 403
Hans turns his CB to nine and speaks to the radio.
HANS
We must find the detonators. Go
^ office by office.
404 37TH FLOOR OFFICE 404
McClane goes to a desk and opens a drawer, looking for
something to re-bandage his foot. He finds nothing and
checks another — still nothing.
405 ANGLE ON INNER OFFICE 405
He moves to a desk in an inner office and suddenly spots a
TV set in the cabinet. Like a stone-age man suddenly placed
in the twentieth century, he reaches for it cautiously,
turns it on and watches it dumbly, turning down the volume.
406 CLOSE ON TV 406
Images flash by, a compilation of events of the last twelve
hours. A TV reporter — behind him police barricades.
Officers in bulletproof vests run hurriedly past him. We SEE
a night scene with the words: RECORDED EARLIER at the bottom
of the screen. The image shakes, the TV camera tilts up
quickly and we SEE the upper floors obscured in a huge cloud
of smoke — the elevator explosion.
f\ . (CONTINUED)




A98
107

406 CONTINUED: 406
Suddenly the TV picture shows a day shot of the same floors
with the words LIVE printed on the screen. It shows the
ring of destruction around the middle of the building.
407 ON MCCLANE 407
The extent of the damage stuns him.

MCCLANE
Jesus...
He leans forward and turns up the volume.
TV REPORTER
...and then before sunrise, police
helicopters came over the hills to
try to protect the desperate policeman
who says he has killed seven of the
gang — although only three have been
accounted for.
MCCLANE
(sarcastically)
I should have taken scalps.
/S^V,

408 INT. STAIRWELL 408
Uli comes down the stairs. Suddenly he hears something and
presses his ear to the stairwell door.
409 EXT. POLICE TRAILER - DAWN 409
Al Powell leaves the operations trailer and moves down the
sidewalk past the vested SWAT officers and collapses on the
stoop of a business. He looks and feels like a man who has
betrayed a friend. A TV news REPORTER spots Powell and moves
his crew quickly over for an interview.
410 CLOSE - MCCLANE'S TV 410
We SEE the reporter approaching Powell.
411 MCCLANE 411
Having never seen Powell, McClane ignores the picture until
he hears:
REPORTER (ON TV)
...Thanks, Jim...This is
Sergeant Al Powell, pressed into
service late last night.
Genres: ["Action","Thriller"]

Summary McClane watches news coverage of the events and realizes the extent of the damage. Uli listens for activity outside the stairwell door, and Powell is interviewed on TV. McClane tries to re-bandage his leg.
Strengths "Intense and dramatic, showing McClane's desperation as he realizes the extent of the damage and tries to find a way to survive."
Weaknesses "Limited dialogue and not much character development."
Critique This scene starts off with a couple of confusing lines from William, who seems to be introducing himself as "Taco Bill" for no apparent reason. This could be clarified or removed altogether.

The focus then shifts to McClane, who enters the stairwell and sees his wound. The description of the wound is clear and effective. However, the scene jumps abruptly to Hans' office, where he speaks to the radio. It's unclear why this is important or how it relates to McClane.

McClane then goes to an office to find something to re-bandage his foot. While the description of his search is clear, it feels like a stalling tactic in the scene.

The focus then suddenly shifts to McClane watching a compilation of news footage on TV. This could be set up better - perhaps by having McClane stumble across the TV while searching for something to re-bandage his foot. The news footage itself is effective in setting up the chaos of the situation.

Finally, the scene ends with Al Powell being interviewed on TV. This seems like an odd note to end on, as it's unclear how it relates to McClane.

Overall, this scene could benefit from better focus and cohesion. The confusion around William's lines, the abrupt cut to Hans' office, and the seemingly random inclusion of Al Powell's interview all detract from the scene's effectiveness.
Suggestions Overall, the scene seems to be lacking in tension and conflict. Here are some suggestions to improve it:

1. Increase the stakes: It's unclear what William's presence means in this scene. If he is a potential threat, make it clear what he has done (or failed to do) that makes McClane wary of him. If he is a potential ally, make it clear what he brings to the table in terms of skills or information. Adding this element of danger or potential help will make the scene more engaging.

2. Show rather than tell: When McClane washes off his wound, it's described in a very matter-of-fact way. Instead, show the pain he's in and the difficulty he has moving. This will create empathy for McClane and make the audience more invested in his survival.

3. Use visuals to heighten tension: When McClane watches the TV, the camera could pan over to show that Uli is approaching the door. This would create a sense of impending danger and raise the stakes for McClane.

4. Use dialogue to reveal character: When McClane hears about Powell on the TV, he could react in a more emotional way. For example, he could express regret for not being able to save him or anger at the terrorists for causing this situation. This would reveal more about his character and make the audience care about him.

Overall, these changes would make the scene more engaging and create more tension and conflict.



Scene 54 -  McClane Fights Back
  • Overall: 10.0
  • Concept: 10
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 9
  • Dialogue: 8
A98
108
412 CLOSE ON MCCLANE 412
This gets his attention. He looks up at the TV.
REPORTER
(on TV)
Sergeant Powell, you've been
actually talking to the man
inside, John McClane, haven't
you?
413 ON SCREEN 413
Powell says nothing and begins to move away. The reporter
and camera follow him.
REPORTER
(on TV)
Can you comment on the speculation
that he was not adequately warned
about the attack. Do you feel he
was sufficiently warned?
Powell stops. He looks directly into the camera as if
looking right at McClane.
POWELL
(on TV)
No...And I'll tell you something
else...he wasn't the only one.
414 INT. 37TH FLOOR - SAME 414
A stairwell door opens and Uli, steps out onto the floor. He
can hear the sound of the television set and moves carefully
toward the SOUND.
415 ON MCCLANE 415
He hears something and pulls out the Beretta. He hits the
floor of the office and crawls to the doorway and looks out.
416 HIS P.O.V. 416
Uli moving toward the office. Drawn by the SOUND of the TV.
417 MCCLANE 417
pops out the Beretta's magazine — he's down to his last
three bullets. He checks his shoulder harness, nothing. He
lies there thinking for a moment, then rolls back over and
suddenly focuses on something on the wall just behind the
terrorist.



A98
109

418 HIS P.O.V. 418
The plastic explosive he planted by the light switch. He
takes careful aim.
MCCLANE
(softly, to himself)
Make it count, Johnny boy...
419 ON THE TV SCREEN - POWELL AND THE REPORTER 419
REPORTER
(on TV)
If you could tell him something
right now, what would you say?
420 EXT. STREET - ON POWELL 420

I POWELL
I'd just say...hang in there,
partner and if you can hear me give
me a sign.
Suddenly an explosion rips the 37th floor. Powell looks up.
POWELL
That'll do.
421 INT. 37th FLOOR - SAME 421
McClane moves through the rubble of blown-up desks and finds
the terrorist's machine gun; his CB hisses nearby.
422 INT. HANS' OFFICE 422
For the first time we SEE that Hans is off-balanced. Holly
watches him. Suddenly the CB comes to life.
MCCLANE'S VOICE
(o.s.)
It's all over Hans, you're down
to nothing.
423 EXT. HOLLY'S HOUSE IN SANTA MONICA - SAME 423
Thornburg's KCBS truck parked in front of Holly's house.
424 ANGLE ON FRONT DOOR 424
Thornburg pleads with Holly's housekeeper, Paulina. She
is scared and Thornburg plays on it.
^ ' (CONTINUED)
110

424 CONTINUED: 424
THORNBURG
(to Paulina)
One minute, that's all we ask.
You could be denying them a chance
to talk to their parents.
425 INT. 37TH FLOOR - ON MCCLANE - SAME 425
He slams in a fresh magazine and suddenly stares at the
television screen.
426 HIS P.O.V. - HIS CHILDREN 426
Paulina, near tears, lets the children come to the door. They
squint into the bright lights.
j 427 32ND FLOOR - ON HOLLY 427
seeing the same scene through the door to Hans' office. She
gasps at the sight of her children.
428 INT. HANS' OFFICE - SAME 428
Hans stares at the children on the TV then looks across the
room at the family photo on the credenza.
429 EXT. HOLLY'S HOUSE - ON THORNBURG - MORNING 429
He now is squatting down with his microphone to interview the
children. His voice is soft, comforting.
THORNBURG
(to the children)
Is there something you would like
to say to your mom or dad if they're
watching.
John, Jr. says nothing, but Lucy looks at the camera.
LUCY
(softly)
Come home.
430 INT. 32ND FLOOR - ON HOLLY - SAME 430
She struggles to fight back tears with no luck. Suddenly the
door to Hans' office opens. He steps out and looks at Holly
AS we:
CUT TO:




A98
111
Genres: ["Action","Thriller"]

Summary McClane fights back against the terrorists, causing a helicopter to crash and explode. He manages to make it back to the 40th floor office but is badly wounded.
Strengths "Intense action scenes, high emotional stakes"
Weaknesses "Some dialogue feels wooden and forced"
Critique Overall, this scene flows well and keeps the tension high. The use of multiple perspectives (McClane, Powell, Uli, Holly, Thornburg) helps to build the sense of urgency and danger. However, there are a few places where the dialogue could be tightened up and made more efficient. For example, when the reporter asks if McClane was sufficiently warned, Powell's response of "No...And I'll tell you something else...he wasn't the only one" could be condensed into something like "No, and neither was anyone else." Also, the use of "softly, to himself" when McClane says "Make it count, Johnny boy..." is unnecessary and could be conveyed through the actor's delivery. Overall, though, this is a well-written and effective scene.
Suggestions A few suggestions to improve this scene:
1. Clarify who Uli is and why he's on the 37th floor. Does he work for the terrorists?
2. Consider adding more tension to the scene where McClane is down to his last three bullets. Maybe show him struggling to make each shot count or show Uli getting closer and closer to the office.
3. Consider adding more emotion to the scene with Holly's children at the door. Maybe show them crying or hugging each other.
4. Add more clarity about Hans' reaction to seeing the children on TV and the family photo on the credenza. Does it affect him at all?
5. Consider adding more interaction between McClane and Hans in the final moments of the movie. Maybe they have a conversation or a struggle before Hans is defeated.



Scene 55 -  Desperate Measures
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 9
  • Plot: 10
  • Characters: 9
  • Dialogue: 8
431 MCCLANE 431
He stands stunned looking at the TV, as if all the fight has
suddenly been drained from him. His CB comes to life.
HANS' VOICE
Mr. McClane, I have someone who
wants to talk to you.
HOLLY'S VOICE
John!?—
MCCLANE
Holly! Are you all right?
HANS' VOICE
(o.s.)
A temporary condition unless you
listen carefully.
POWELL'S VOICE
(o.s.; booming in)
You touch that woman you son-of-a-bitch
and —
MCCLANE
Let him talk. I'm listening.
/S3RN,


HANS' VOICE
(o.s.)
It's time to end the game. Put
the detonators on an elevator and
send them to the 39th floor. Then
come down here, unarmed.
TIME CUT TO:
432 INT. 33RD FLOOR - MORNING 432
McClane waits in the elevator corridor for the service
elevator. The car arrives. He places the kit bag inside,
punches thirty-nine, and steps back into the corridor.
433 INT. HANS' OFFICE - SAME 433
Hans has Holly in his office. She nervously pulls on her
watchband when suddenly we HEAR McClane*s VOICE on the CB.
MCCLANE'S VOICE
(o.s.)
They're on their way up. I want
to talk to her.
(CONTINUED)


A98
112

433 CONTINUED: 433
/fl^FS\
HANS
When you get down here.
MCCLANE'S VOICE
(o.s.)
No. Now.
Hans hesitates for a moment then hands the CB to Holly who
takes it with trembling hands.
HOLLY
John?
MCCLANE'S VOICE
(o.s.)
Are you okay?
HOLLY
I'm scared but, I...I'm not hurt.
They said, you were dead.
MCLANE'S VOICE
(o.s.)
Don't believe what you hear on TV.
I need to hear your voice though.
f0^ My feet are cut and I'm wounded and
I've got a long way to go. I need
you to talk to me. Like we use to
do. Like up at your father's farm
on Long Island. Remember how we'd
talk?
HOLLY
Yes.
434 32ND FLOOR - STAIRWELL DOOR - SAME 434
McClane quietly opens the door to the 32nd floor. It is
quiet. The hostages are on the other side of the floor.
MCCLANE
(to CB)
I want you to pretend it's just
us. I've got to hear your voice.
It's the only way I'll make it...
Understand? Talk to me.
He turns down his CB and moves steadily toward the other
side of the building.
(** 435 ON HOLLY 435
She talks calmly into the CB as if she is talking privately
to McClane.
A98 (CONTINUED)
113
Genres: ["Action","Thriller"]

Summary McClane fights against the terrorists and communicates with Holly through the CB radio, while badly wounded and with the stakes higher than ever.
Strengths "Intense conflict and high stakes create a tense and memorable scene. Strong character development and communication between McClane and Holly."
Weaknesses "The dialogue could be stronger in some moments."
Critique Overall, this scene is well-written with clear action and dialogue. The tension between McClane and Hans is palpable, and the stakes are high with Holly in danger. The use of the CB radios to communicate adds to the suspense, as the characters are physically separated but still able to talk to each other.

One critique I would offer is that some of the dialogue feels a bit on-the-nose. For example, when McClane asks Holly to talk to him like they did on her father's farm in Long Island, it feels a bit cheesy and forced. Additionally, the dialogue between Powell and Hans feels a bit clichéd and like something we've heard in other action movies.

Overall, though, the scene effectively builds tension and sets up the next phase of the story.
Suggestions One suggestion to improve this scene would be to increase the tension and stakes. Right now, the dialogue feels a bit flat and predictable. Consider adding a twist or surprise that will keep the audience on the edge of their seat. Additionally, the physical action of McClane moving through the building could be emphasized more. Consider describing the environment he is moving through and the obstacles he must overcome. This will add more depth and dimension to the scene. Finally, consider adding more emotional weight to the conversation between John and Holly. This is a critical moment in their relationship, and it should feel more significant and impactful. Try to tap into their history and the obstacles they have overcome together. This will help create a more powerful and memorable scene.



Scene 56 -  McClane and Holly Reunite
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 9
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 7
435 CONTINUED:' 435
HOLLY
(beat)
I miss you. I've missed you a
lot. I found a picture of us the
other night...all of us...
436 INT. 39TH FLOOR - SAME 436
The doors to the service elevator open and Karl takes the
detonators and goes to the safe.
437 INT. 32ND FLOOR - SAME 437
McClane moves around the side of the floor. He reaches the
corner and he can see the hostages. They are sitting on the
floor. Holly's secretary, Ginny, sitting a few feet away
from Fritz, the guard, looks up and sees McClane, she
immediately tries to hide her surprise but Fritz notices
and looks around the corner.
438 HIS P.O.V. 438
The corridor. There is no sign of McClane.
439 FRITZ 439
He looks back at Ginny.
GINNY
(innocently)
I must have been seeing things.
But Fritz doesn't buy it. He goes slowly down the corridor
where McClane was and looks around the next corner. Fritz
sees nothing and starts back. As he passes an office an arm
suddenly reaches out, covers his mouth and pulls him inside.
440 INT. HANS' OFFICE - ON HOLLY - SAME 440
She has indeed blocked everything out of her mind but McClane
as she talks.
HOLLY
...I want us to live together again...
She watches as Hans loads his Walther. He suddenly becomes
suspicious that she is doing all the talking and looks up.
MCCLANE'S VOICE
(o.s.; softly)
That's what I want too. I'm almost
there, honey.
(CONTINUED)

A98
114

440 CONTINUED: 440
/s*v HOLLY
(relieved to
hear him)
Let me talk. There's so much I
wanted to tell you last night but
I couldn't...
441 HALLWAY - SAME 441
McClane steps back into the hallway — a finger to his
mouth — and motions for her to come. She gets up and
starts for McClane. The others follow.
442 INT. 39TH FLOOR - SAME 442
Karl finishes packing the last detonator and sets the timer.
Ten seconds. He grabs his gun and leaves.
I
/ 443 INT. HANS' OFFICE - SAME 443
Holly talks into the CB. While she talks she notices people
leaving and casually looks away so that Hans won't notice.
His back is to the exodus.
HOLLY
^ I love you. Whatever happens,
( I love you.
444 39TH FLOOR 444
Karl in the hallway. Suddenly, AN EXPLOSION belches smoke
out of the safe room.
445 INT.. POLICE TRAILER - SAME 445
Powell, Robinson, the Johnsons hear the sound over their CB.
ROBINSON
What's that?
446 INT. HOSTAGE FLOOR - SAME 446
An older WOMAN panics at the sound of the explosion.
WOMAN
Oh, God, their going to kill us!
She becomes hysterical.
447 HANS' OFFICE 447
• Hans goes to the door and sees the exodus. He shoots the
woman then grabs Holly and pushes her out of the office and
down the opposite corridor.

A98
115
Genres: ["Action","Thriller"]

Summary McClane communicates with Holly through the CB radio, and they profess their love for each other while planning their escape. Meanwhile, Karl finishes packing the last detonator and sets the timer. He then leaves as an explosion goes off on the 39th floor. Hans becomes suspicious of Holly and shoots a hysterical woman.
Strengths "Intense action and suspense, well-timed plot twists and reveals, emotional climax between McClane and Holly."
Weaknesses "Dialogue could be stronger, some character motivations are not fully clear."
Critique Overall, the scene seems to be well-paced and full of tension, which is great for a thriller movie. However, there are a few areas where improvements can be made.

Firstly, there is a lack of description in the dialogue, which makes it difficult to imagine the characters' emotions and actions. For example, when Holly says "I miss you. I've missed you a lot," there is no indication of how she delivers this line. Does she sound sad, wistful, or angry? Adding a description of her tone and expression would help to convey her emotions more effectively.

Secondly, there are some unclear transitions between scenes. For instance, in scene 439, it's not clear why Fritz suddenly enters an office and gets pulled in by an unseen assailant. Is it McClane who attacked him? Without a clear indication of what's happening, the scene can be confusing to follow.

Finally, there is a lack of visual description in some parts of the scene. For example, when Karl sets the timer on the detonator in scene 442, there is no description of what the detonator looks like or how it's being set. Adding more visual details can help to immerse the audience more fully in the story and make the action more exciting.

Overall, while the scene has some areas that could be improved upon, it effectively builds tension and sets up further action in the story.
Suggestions Overall, the scene is well written. Here are a few suggestions to improve it further:

1. Add more emotion to Holly's dialogue. She is confessing her love for John and wants to live with him again, but her lines feel a bit emotionless. You could add more passion to her words to make the audience feel the weight of their relationship.

2. Increase the tension as Fritz approaches McClane. Right now, there is no real sense of danger as Fritz approaches McClane. You could add more suspenseful music or have McClane hide behind something to increase the anxiety.

3. Show more of the explosion on the 39th floor. The explosion is a significant moment, but the audience doesn't get to see much of it. Show more smoke and debris to make the scene more impactful.

4. Develop the older woman's character more. When she becomes hysterical, it feels a bit sudden and out of nowhere. If you establish her character earlier as being particularly worried or anxious, the audience will be more invested in her reaction.

5. Show Hans shooting the woman. The sudden jump from him noticing the exodus to shooting the woman feels jarring. If you show him aiming the gun or even just the aftermath of the shooting, it will feel more natural.



Scene 57 -  The Final Showdown
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 10
  • Characters: 9
  • Dialogue: 8
448 MCCLANE 448
(** sees Hans and Holly moving toward the elevators and aims, but
he doesn't risk a shot. He starts after them.
MCCLANE
(to CB)
Al?! You've got thirty-five
people coming down the stairs.
You've got to occupy this building
now!
449 EXT. NAKATOMI - SAME 449
SWAT officers sprint toward the building. The lead officers
crash through the front glass doors and rush to the stairwells.
450 ON POWELL 450
POWELL
John, they're on their way up the
stairs. We want you to keep the
hostages together till we get there.
451 ON MCCLANE 451
moving down the corridor toward the elevators.
x^>v
MCCLANE
No way. He's got my wife.
452 EXT. ADJACENT ROOF - SAME 452
A police helicopter takes off from the neighboring building
and streaks toward the Nakatomi tower. It opens fire on the
elevator tower.
453 INT. ELEVATOR 453
Hans hears the sound of automatic rifle fire overhead. He
brings up the CB.
HANS
I want it known that we still have
the weapons to knock the helicopters
out of the sky! Mr. McClane, are
you there?
MCCLANE'S VOICE
Right here.
HANS
Your wife will be dead in ten
seconds unless you listen carefully.



A98
116

454 ON MCCLANE 454
( listening.
HANS' VOICE
(o.s.)
Get into the elevator. Come
unarmed to the 39th floor.
455 39TH FLOOR - SAFE ROOM 455
Karl steps into the safe and begins removing stacks of
documents.
456 CLOSE ON THE DOCUMENTS 456
$100,000 TREASURY BONDS. The stacks are enormous.
Three-four hundred to a stack.
457 KARL 457
His CB crackles with Hans' voice.
HANS* VOICE
Karl. Helicopters!
458 INT. ELEVATOR TOWER - ROOF - ON HEINZ - SAME 458
I
He preps a Stinger missile and looks through the crack in the
roof door.
459 HIS P.O.V. 459
Smoldering debris from the helicopter crash covers the roof.
Then a quarter mile away he sees the helicopter diving for
the roof.
460 INT. ELEVATOR CAR 460
McClane finishes taping his holster behind his neck. Suddenly
the doors open, the 37th floor, then close — McClane*s
buying time.
HANS' VOICE
(o.s.)
I'm waiting, Mr. McClane.
He slips the Beretta into the hidden holster, then practices
reaching behind his neck and drawing the gun. It is awkward
and he tries it again — better. The doors open to the
38th floor, then close.
f^ 461 INT. 39TH FLOOR - SAME 461
Hans positions himself in front of the elevator bank,
fingering the trigger of his machine gun, waiting.
Genres: ["action","thriller"]

Summary McClane and the terrorists engage in a high-stakes battle as McClane tries to save his wife and stop the detonation of bombs. He communicates with Holly through the CB radio, while Karl finishes packing the last detonator and sets the timer. Hans becomes suspicious of Holly and shoots a hysterical woman.
Strengths "Intense action scenes and compelling character dynamics."
Weaknesses "Some of the dialogue is a bit stilted and there are a few cliched moments."
Critique Overall, this is a well-written and suspenseful scene that effectively builds tension. However, there are a few areas where it could be improved:

1. Lack of Character Development: While the action in this scene is well-executed, there is little opportunity for character development. We don't learn anything new about McClane or Hans, and their actions are primarily driven by the plot rather than their motivations.

2. Lack of Dialogue: Much of the scene is without dialogue, which can make it feel static and less engaging. It would be helpful to hear the characters' inner thoughts or have them engage in more verbal confrontation to add to the tension.

3. Pacing: The scene jumps around between different locations and characters very quickly, which can be disorienting for the reader/viewer. There could be more clarity in the transitions and a clearer sense of how much time is passing.

4. Clunky Action Description: The action description could be tightened up to make it more concise and impactful. Some of the language could also be simplified for easier readability.
Suggestions Here are some suggestions on how to improve the scene:

1. Establish the stakes: The scene would benefit from more focus on the urgency of the situation. The audience needs to be reminded that Holly is a hostage in danger, and McClane is the only one who can save her. This can be achieved through dialogue or visual cues.

2. Show, don't tell: The scene could use some more action to keep the audience engaged. Instead of just having McClane tell CB about the incoming SWAT team, show them in action. Similarly, the police helicopter opening fire on the elevator tower is a great visual, but it could be shown more clearly.

3. Build tension: The dialogue between McClane and Hans should be more tense. As it is, it feels a bit flat and standard. Hans should have some more taunts or threats to throw at McClane, and McClane should respond in kind.

4. Clarify the geography: The scene jumps around a lot between different locations in the building. It's hard to keep track of where everyone is in relation to each other. Adding more descriptions of the locations and how they connect would help make the scene easier to follow.

5. Emphasize character motivation: Why is Karl taking the documents? Does it tie into the larger plot of the movie? Similarly, it would be good to understand why Heinze is prepping the missile. These characters need more motivation beyond just being henchmen for Hans.



Scene 58 -  The Final Showdown
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 7
A98
117
462 KARL 462
reaches the roof just as Heinz opens the door and lifts the
Stinger to his shoulder. The chopper opens fire. The rounds
kick up rooftop-gravel in lines straight to the door, hitting
Heinz and Karl.
463 HANS 463
He hears the HUM of the elevators and braces himself. He
checks his gun and waits. Suddenly, the far right elevator
light comes on over the doors and we hear the electronic
ring. The door opens and Hans opens fire.
Bullets rip into the brushed aluminum interior, totally
destroying the car. Hans spends half his clip before he
realizes the car is empty. The light over the next door
comes on.
i
J Hans slams in another magazine. He moves quickly to that
door and as the doors open, blasts the inside of that car
before realizing, that it too is empty. His CB comes to
life and he hears McClane's. voice.
MCCLANE'S VOICE
I thought we had a deal, Hans?
f* 464 INT. 39TH FLOOR - STAIRWELL DOOR - ON MCCLANE - SAME 464
He moves from the stairwell onto the 39th floor carefully
toward the elevator bank where Hans and Holly were. He
turns the corner and they're gone.
465 ON MCCLANE 465
moves carefully up the hallway. Every office doorway is a
potential ambush.
MCCLANE
(to CB)
Where are you, Hans? I thought
you were going to meet me?
HANS' VOICE
(o.s.)
You're almost there. I can hear
you without the radio...Are you
unarmed?
McClane turns the corner. We SEE the lighted doorway to the
safe room.
MCCLANE
(to CB)
That's what you wanted.
(CONTINUED)
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118

465 CONTINUED: 465

HANS
Well then let's turn off the .
radio.
POWELL'S VOICE
John no! —
McClane turns off his radio, cutting Powell off.
466 POLICE TRAILER - ON POWELL - SAME 466
and Police TECHNICIANS.
TECHNICIAN
We've lost them.
Powell stares up at the building — helpless.
^467 ON THORNBURG 467
Listening to his car radio as he drives back to Century City.
He realizes what they've done.
THORNBURG
Shit.
468 EXT. NAKATOMI 468
William listening with police. When he realizes they're off
the air, he looks up and says a little prayer.
469 INT. ANTEROOM - SAFE ROOM - ON HANS - SAME 469
He carefully lays his radio on the boardroom table so as not
to make a noise and motions Holly up with the end of his
Walther.
470 HALLWAY 470
McClane reaches the doorway to the anteroom.
MCCLANE
I'm here, Hans.
HANS
(o.s.; from the
office)
Come in. Hands in the air.
McClane puts his hands on his head, steps into the doorway.
/$Wt!i\




A98
119
Genres: ["Action","Thriller"]

Summary McClane and the terrorists engage in a high-stakes battle as McClane tries to save his wife and stop the detonation of bombs. Karl finishes packing the last detonator and sets the timer. Hans becomes suspicious of Holly and shoots a hysterical woman.
Strengths "Intense action, high stakes, strong character motivations"
Weaknesses "Some dialogue could be improved"
Critique Overall, the scene is well written with clear and vivid action descriptions. The use of multiple perspectives and locations adds tension and urgency to the scene. Additionally, the dialogue between McClane and Hans adds to the character development and conflict. However, the scene could benefit from more sensory detail and varied sentence structure to heighten the emotional impact of the events. Additionally, it is important to consider the overall pacing and structure of the script to make sure this scene fits seamlessly into the larger story.
Suggestions Here are some suggestions to improve the scene:

1. Provide more visual description of the action: The action in the scene is not very clear. For example, in the first paragraph, it is not clear how Karl and Heinz are positioned or what the layout of the rooftop looks like. Consider providing more detail to help the reader visualize the scene.

2. Build tension and suspense: The scene feels a bit rushed and lacks tension. Consider slowing down the action and adding some moments of suspense to create a more exciting scene.

3. Develop the characters: The characters in the scene are not well developed. Consider adding some backstory or personality traits to make them more interesting and engaging to the reader.

4. Use dialogue to reveal character and advance the plot: The dialogue in the scene is fairly generic and does not reveal much about the characters or move the plot forward. Consider using dialogue to reveal more about the characters' motivations and push the story forward.

5. Create a clear sense of location: The scene doesn't provide a clear sense of where the characters are located. Consider using more descriptive language to create a strong sense of place and enhance the visual elements of the scene.



Scene 59 -  Standoff and Escape
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 9
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 6
471 HIS P.O.V. 471
Hans stands in front of the window his arm around Holly's
neck. He holds her in front of him like a shield. Holly
gasps at the grizzily sight of her husband.
472 MCCLANE 472
MCCLANE
I'm all right, babe.
(to Hans)
Let her go. You don't need her
now.
HANS
Very noble, Mr. McClane. But
you're of no practical use to
me now...you're practically a
corpse already.
McClane looks at the Bearer's Bonds on the table. He looks
back at Hans.
MCCLANE
You know I always had my doubts
about you, Hans.
HANS
The cop in you, no doubt. Well,
it's been a long night, Mr. McClane,
but killing you and your wife should
make it all worthwhile.
He pulls back the hammer and presses the barrel into Holly's
neck.
MCCLANE
Me first, then.
Hans hesitates, then smiles. He removes the gun from Holly's
neck and aims at McClane.
HANS
Any other requests?
MCCLANE
I want to say something to my
wife.
HANS
Touching.
McClane looks directly at Holly, they lock eyes.
(CONTINUED)


A98
120

472 CONTINUED: 472
MCCLANE
Now!
She bumps Hans hand with the gun and McClane draws the
Beretta over his shoulder and fires — hitting Hans in the
right nipple. The bullet goes clean through him, starring
the window behind him. He looks at McClane increduously.
MCCLANE
Out of the way, Holly!
She tries to break free but Hans pulls her back in front of
him. Slowly he raises the gun to her neck. She squirms
against the terrorist, trying to break away but the barrel
presses against her throat. McClane aims again and fires,
hitting Hans in the shoulder.
The jolt knocks Hans backward against the window. He
releases Holly's neck and his hand slides down her arm as
the glass starts to give way behind him — his fingers
running down her arm until one finds a grip in Holly's
watchband and pulls her into the gaping window with him.
McClane drops his gun and lunges for his wife, grabbing
Holly's other arm just as she falls. For a moment McClane
holds them all but Hans' weight slowly begins to weaken
him. His hold on Holly starts to slip.
McClane braces himself against the window frame and strains
to reach Holly's watchband. His muscles quiver, his hand
almost there when we SEE Hans slowly bring his pistol up
from his side and aim at McClane.
Holly sees him and screams. Hans' hand trembles. He locks
eyes with McClane one last time, starts to pull the trigger,
as McClane releases the watchband. Hans' face registers his
horror as he and the watch suddenly drop. We listen to his
scream all the way down.
McClane pulls Holly back into the room and holds her.
MCCLANE
It's okay, babe. It's okay.
He looks down at Hans' body, then back at Holly.
MCCLANE
Hey, I've got to get you a
new watch.
473 EXT. POLICE TRAILER - ON POWELL - SAME 473
He stands looking worriedly up at the building, when
suddenly his CB comes to life.
A98 (CONTINUED)
121
Genres: ["action","thriller"]

Summary McClane and Holly are held hostage by Hans and his gang, and McClane must use his wits and bravery to save his wife and stop the bomb detonation.
Strengths "Tense and high-stakes action"
Weaknesses "Some clunky dialogue"
Critique Overall, this is a well-written and intense scene that effectively builds tension and delivers a satisfying payoff. The dialogue is sharp, with both McClane and Hans engaging in a verbal battle of wits as they negotiate for Holly's life. The action is also well-paced and well-described, making it easy for the reader to visualize the events unfolding on screen.

One minor critique is that the use of camera directions such as "His P.O.V." and "MCCLANE" can be distracting and unnecessary in a screenplay, as these are details that would be handled by the director and cinematographer. It's generally best to stick to describing the action and dialogue, and trust that the visual details will be worked out by the filmmaking team.

Overall, though, this scene is a strong example of effective screenwriting, and is sure to be exciting and memorable on screen.
Suggestions As a screenwriting expert, here are some suggestions to improve the scene:

1. Increase the tension: The scene could benefit from more tension and suspense. Perhaps show Hans getting closer and closer to Holly with the gun, or have McClane struggle to reach her watchband while Hans aims at him.

2. Clarify spatial relationships: It's not entirely clear where everyone is standing in the scene. Clarifying the spatial relationships between characters would increase the tension and help the audience better understand what's happening.

3. Add emotional depth: The scene is action-packed, but it could use a bit more emotional depth. Perhaps show Holly's fear more viscerally, or have McClane struggle to hold onto her as he watches Hans fall to his death.

4. Tighten the dialogue: The dialogue in the scene is functional but not particularly memorable. Consider tightening the dialogue to make it more impactful and memorable.

Overall, the scene is well-written, but there's room for improvement in tension, emotional depth, and dialogue.



Scene 60 -  Final Confrontation
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 9
  • Dialogue: 7
473 CONTINUED: 473
SWAT LEADER'S VOICE
(voice over)
This is SWAT commander four...We
have McClane and his wife. We're
bringing them down the service
elevator.
POWELL
(to CB)
Roger... Thank you, Lord.
474 ON WILLIAM - SAME 474
WILLIAM
Amen.
475 INT. KCBS MOBILE UNIT - MORNING 475
}
Thornburg's unit stuck in traffic ten blocks from the
Nakatomi building. HORNS BLARE all around the truck.
Thornburg is going crazy not being at the building. He
can feel his Emmy slipping away.
THORNBURG
C'mon, goddamnit. What is this,
an accident?
(suddenly realizing)
No. Don't tell me, it's over...
It's over and I missed it! Shit!
476 THE EMPTY LOBBY 476
The doors to the service elevator opens McClane leaning on
Holly on one side and the SWAT leader on the other moves
steadily across the cold marble floor to the front door and
steps:
477 OUTSIDE 477
into a blaze of television lights. The entire front of
the building is packed with reporters and TV cameras. Amid
shouts of "There he is!" the media surges into the police
line ringing the steps. McClane ignores their shouted
questions and pushes forward down the steps with something
else on his mind.
MCCLANE
(calling out)
Al?!
At first there is no answer, then we SEE Powell moving
through the press, his hand on the butt of his .38.
(CONTINUED)

A98
122

477 CONTINUED: 477
/S*s
McClane stops at the base of the steps and stares at him,
then offers the cop his hand.
MCCLANE
You know it's going to be hard
to go back to that desk.
POWELL
(a touch of
a grin)
No lie.
(to Holly)
You okay?
She nods weakly. Just then Robinson moves toward them
through the group.
I ROBINSON
/
We're going to have to ask you
some questions, McClane. The
damage to that building,
Mr. Ellis' shooting. To be
real honest —
MCCLANE
Shut up, Dwayne.
Before Robinson can protest, a SCREAM causes McClane to
turn.
478 HIS P.O.V. 478
There in the doorway is Karl. Easily as crusted in dirt
and blood as McClane, he holds an M-5 machine gun.
479 EXT. NAKATOMI (FRONT STEPS) - SAME 479
As the press panics trying to escape, Karl locks eyes with
McClane and levels his gun. McClane throws Holly to the
ground and grabs the dumbstruck Robinson's sidearm. But
he doesn't get off a shot — a lone gunshot stops Karl —
knocking him back through the doorway. McClane looks back
to see Powell still sighting down the barrel of his .38.
His hands rock steady. He sees McClane's look.
POWELL
I owed you one.
They smile and McClane leans on Holly as William's battered
black limo backs up to them. The window rolls down and
inside we SEE William and the stuffed animal. •
(CONTINUED)

A98
123

479 CONTINUED: 479
/$Z\
WILLIAM
My friend here thinks you better
get in if you want to make it
home before New Years.
McClane grins AS we:
FADE OUT
THE END




r.
A98
Twentieth Century Fox SCRIPT DEPARTMENT
1020V W. Pico Boulevard, Los Angeles, CA 90035
Telephone: (213)203-2494
Genres: ["Action","Thriller"]

Summary McClane and his wife escape from the terrorists with the help of the SWAT team, but Karl appears and aims his weapon at them. McClane manages to avoid getting shot and is saved by Powell, who fires his gun at Karl. The group is then approached by Robinson, who wants to ask questions, but they are interrupted by Karl's appearance.
Strengths "Intense action, strong character interactions, and a satisfying resolution."
Weaknesses "Some dialogue feels forced or unnatural at times."
Critique Overall, the scene is well-written and effective in wrapping up the story's loose ends. However, there are a few moments that could use some improvement. For example:

- Thornburg's subplot feels unnecessary and detracts from the tension of the climax. While it's understandable that the filmmakers wanted to include a nod to his character's desire for a news story, the scene could have been cut entirely or at least placed earlier in the film.
- The dialogue feels a bit on the nose at times, particularly when McClane and Powell exchange their final words. While their friendship and camaraderie is established throughout the film, the line "I owed you one" feels cliché and predictable.
- In terms of formatting, it would have been clearer to indicate which parts of the scene are dialogue and which parts are action description. For example, the line "Thornburg's unit stuck in traffic ten blocks from the Nakatomi building" could be formatted as an action line rather than a block of text.

Overall, the scene effectively brings the story to a close and resolves the tension of the climax. With a few tweaks, it could be even stronger.
Suggestions Here are a few suggestions to improve the scene:

1. Increase the tension: The scene should have more suspense, particularly during the confrontation with Karl. The dialogue can be tightened to create a sense of urgency and danger.

2. Clarify character motivations: It's unclear why Thornburg is so desperate to get to the Nakatomi building. Giving more insight into his character and his reason for being there would add more depth to the scene.

3. Add more visual detail: The setting should be described in greater detail to create a more vivid picture for the audience. This will help to build atmosphere and make the scene more memorable.

4. Create a more satisfying ending: The film's climax should be more satisfying and conclusive. As it stands, the scene feels rushed and incomplete. Adding more closure to the story will leave a stronger impression on the audience.