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Scene 1 - Bedtime Story: The Two Spies Who Fell in Love

Overall: 7.0
Concept: 8
Plot: 7
Characters: 7
Dialogue: 7

SPY KIDS
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108 PAGES

8.7.99

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Brought to you by ScriptFly.com
for your screenwriting education

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AUSTIN • TEJAS
== Script Fly.com ==

1 EXT - CORTEZ HOME - MAGIC 1

CARMEN CORTEZ, 9, sits in the bedroom window of a hacienda
style home on an ocean cliff. Her gaze fixed on the world
outside as MOM, (Ingrid), enters the room.
MOM
Al.right children, time for bed.

IHT - CHILDREN'S BEDROOM - HIGHT
A shared boy/girl room. An invisible line down the middle
separates feminine furnishings from masculine.
CARMEN
Bedtime story first.
MOM
Brush your teeth.
CARMEN
Already did.
MOM
Don't lie to me, Carmen, I can smell your
breath from here.
CARMEN
I'm not lying!
MOM
(re: necklace)
Then why are you blushing?
Carmen looks down at her necklace. It glows RED.
CARMEN
Oh.
MOM
I gave you that necklace as a reminder.
Only you can keep yourself from lying.
CARMEN
I'll brush after the story, I promise.
The necklace glows GREEN. Carmen tucks it in her gown.
MOM
What story do you want to hear?

"' .
CARMEN
The Two Spies Who Fell in Love.
== Script Fly.com== SK CAST DRAFT 8.7.99 2.

MOM
I haven't told that one in years.
You probably remember it better than I
do. want to hear a story, Juni?
Juni, 6, stands on a stool in the adjoining bathroom. Even
then he can only see himself in the mirror from the top of
his head to the bottom of his nose.
JtlNl
I'm listening.
Juni unwraps his fingers, then douses them with Castor Oil.
Carmen props herself up in her bed for the story.
MOM
Once upon a time, there was a man and a
woman.
CARMEN
And they were both spies.
MOM
(nods)
They were different sides of the same
coin. Her from one country, him from
another. And she had a very important
mission assigned to her.
CARMEN
Be was her mission.
MOM
Correct. Her mission was to take him out.
CARMEN
on a date?
MOM
No. Take him out.
CARMEN
Oh you mean •••
Carmen drags her finger across her neck.
BOTH
"Take him out."

MOM
I shouldn't be telling you this.
SK CAST DRAFT 8. 7. 99 3.
== Script Fly.com ==

CARMEN
Go on.
MOM
You have to understand these were dark
confusing times ••• an enormous amount of
turmoil between countries.
BEDTIME STORY FLASHBACK: INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT
We reveal MOM playing the part of the woman spy. Cool and
casual as she scopes out the comers and goers while military
troops patrol the area.Snethen sees him: GREGORIO CORTEZ,
Secret Agent of the Basque Regime stationed in South America.
Tall, rugged, with a THIN MOUSTACHE. He stops at a chauffeur
holding a sign: "HOMBRE." .
MOM (V .O.)
She tracked her target down at an
international airport on his way back
from a mission in Chile. She followed him
to his hotel •
.CORTEZ rides the.HOTEL ELEVATOR. Mom follows, taking another.
We're on her unreadable expression as she rides the lift.
MOM (V.O.)
But when the moment finally came to carry
out her mission ••• She found that she
couldn't go through with it.
CARMEN (V .O.)
Why not?
The elevator opens. To her surprise, HE'S standing there.
MOM (V.O.)
She had ••• second thoughts.
Cortez reaches into her breast pocket and pulls out a foto.
The foto is of him.
CARMEN (V .0.)
Why?
MOM (V.O.)
He was different from what she expected.
sure, he was charming and intelligent •••
Cortez reaches into his own jacket. Mom looks doomed. He
pulls out a picture of HER. She gives him a vulnerable look.
He pushes the Lobby button on the elevator and waves goodbye.
== Script Fly.com == SK CAST DRAFT 8.7.99 4.

Genres: ["Family","Adventure","Comedy"]

Summary Carmen wants a bedtime story and requests 'The Two Spies Who Fell in Love'. The story is about a woman spy on a mission to kill a man spy, but when she finds him, she falls in love instead.

Strengths "Light-hearted and engaging dialogue, an interesting concept of spies falling in love instead of carrying out their mission."

Weaknesses "Lack of action and tension, no clear indication of how this scene contributes to the overall plot."

Critique Overall, the scene has a clear setting and establishes the relationship between the mother and her two children. However, the dialogue could use some work to make it more natural and believable. The children's lines, in particular, feel overly simplistic and contrived. Additionally, the flashback sequence feels unnecessary and could be cut or presented in a more efficient way. Finally, the formatting needs improvement, as there are typos and inconsistencies in the way scene headings and action lines are presented.

Suggestions As a screenwriting expert, here are my suggestions to improve the scene:

1. Add more description: The scene lacks description, especially when it comes to the characters' emotions and physical actions. We need to know how they look, how they feel, and what they're doing while they're speaking. This will make the scene more vivid and engaging for the audience.

2. Clarify the setting: The scene takes place in two different locations, but it's not clear how they're connected. Adding a brief description of each location and how they're related to each other will help the audience understand where the characters are and what's happening.

3. Expand the flashback: The flashback is an important part of the story, but it feels rushed. Expanding the flashback and including more details will make it more interesting and engaging. We need to see the characters in action and understand the stakes of the mission.

4. Use active voice: The dialogue is written in passive voice, which makes it less dynamic and engaging. Using active voice will make the scene more lively and interesting to watch.

5. Show, don't tell: The dialogue is too on the nose. Instead of telling us what's happening ("her mission was to take him out"), show us. Use visual cues and actions to convey the story instead of relying on dialogue. This will make the scene more visually interesting and engaging for the audience.

6. Consider pacing: The scene feels slow and uneventful. Consider adding more conflict or tension to keep the audience engaged. This could be achieved through dialogue, action, or visual cues.

Scene 2 - The Two Spies Who Fell in Love: Marriage

Overall: 8.0
Concept: 9
Plot: 7
Characters: 8
Dialogue: 8

MOM (V.O.)
But unexpectedly honorable. And it made
her realize that years of working with
detached emotions had taken its toll.
She wears a confused expression as she floats through the
lobby, leaving the hotel in a daze.
MOM (V.O.)
So they kept contact. Began to talk. On
the phone mostly. A few lunch dates, very
discreet. After all they were from
different sides, and could never be seen
together.
They eat alone at different tables in an outdoor open patio
food court. They speak to each other through their wrist-
watches. Sharing laughs, jokes. They toast each other from
across the patio without looking at each other. Just
listening to the sound of each other's voice, and enjoying
their distant company.
MOM (V,O.)
Dinner ¢ates followed, all over the
world, wherever their mutual travels took
them.
They stand at opposite ends of the Eifel Tower, looking out
over the romantic city below. Laughing and talking softly.
MOM
They fell in love. And decided to do
something that was considered very
dangerous in those times. Something
insane and almost unheard of.
CARMEN
What?
MOM (V.O.)
They decided to marry.
CARMEN (V .O.)
Wow.
MOM (V.O.)
Oh yes. On her wedding day she felt like
she'd rather brave a thousand deadly
missions than go through what she was
about to.attempt.
She paces nervously in the back room of the wedding house.
SK CAST DRAFT 8.7.99 5•
== Script Fly.com ==

CARMEN
Why is that?
MOM
Marriage is a mission so complex that
only the most courageous, and slightly
insane need apply.
She's so worked up that she karate chops a huge nearby
statue, breaking it into several chunks. She checks her hand.
Nothing. Nervously, she puts it back together.
MOM (V.O.)
. There is such an amazing series of
obstacles that one must navigate in order
to keep a marriage together, much less a
family ••• that it frightened even her: a
hardened and experienced secret agent.
The Wedding March begins. She places the statue's head on
it's knees, straightens her wedding gown and marches outside
and down the aisle quite fast. Someone in the crowd motions
for her to slow down. She does, poising herself as well.
MOM (V.O.)
But when she saw him standing there,
without any sign of doubt whatsoever •..
So assured of his decision, so enamored
with what they were about to do •••
A majestic yet tasteful outdoor wedding, overlooking a
cliffside into the ocean. At cliff's edge is the wedding
dais. HE waits for her. Smiling. Standing beside him is his
best man FELIX and second best man DONNAGON.
MOM (V.O.)
She took his hand- and looked deep into
his eyes.
They share this amazing moment of absolute clarity.
MOM (V.O.)
And said the two most dangerous, most
trusting words you can say to anyone.
We see her mouth the words.
MOM (V.O.)
Sh@ said.~. 'I do.'

CARMEN (V .o.)
That's so cool.
== Script Fly.com== SK CAST DRAFT 8.7.99 6.

Genres: ["romance","spy"]

Summary Carmen listens to her mother's bedtime story about two spies who go against their orders and marry each other.

Strengths "The scene has a powerful emotional impact and sentimental value that resonates with the viewer. It showcases a theme of courage, overcoming obstacles, and being true to oneself."

Weaknesses "The scene lacks action and conflict, which may bore some viewers. Additionally, it may not appeal to those who dislike stories that involve the romanticization of spies."

Critique It's difficult to critique this scene without any context of the overall story or plot, but I'll focus on the scene itself.

Firstly, the use of voiceover can be effective in certain situations, but it's important to use it sparingly to avoid it becoming extraneous or distracting. In this scene, the voiceover is used quite heavily, and it's not clear whose voice the narration is coming from. Is it the mother's voice? Carmen's voice? This can get confusing for the audience.

The scene itself is quite romantic and sentimental, which may work well depending on the genre of the overall story. However, it does feel a bit cliché - the idea of two people from different sides falling in love and having to keep their relationship hidden is a trope that has been used many times before.

There are also a few moments that feel a bit over-the-top or unrealistic, such as the protagonist karate chopping a statue out of nervousness and then putting it back together. This can take the audience out of the scene and make it more difficult to suspend their disbelief.

Overall, the scene is well-written in terms of its descriptive language and use of imagery, but it may benefit from less reliance on voiceover and more originality in its plot points.

Suggestions Here are a few suggestions to improve the scene:

1. Consider showing more action and less narration. Instead of having all the important moments described in voiceover, try to depict them visually through dialogue and action. This will make the scene feel more dynamic and engaging.

2. Create more tension and conflict. Right now, the scene feels a bit too easy and smooth. To make it more interesting, consider adding some obstacles or challenges that the characters must overcome in order to stay together.

3. Flesh out the characters more. We don't know much about the main characters at this point, which makes it harder to connect with them emotionally. Try to give them more backstory and personality traits that make them unique and relatable.

4. Consider the pacing. Right now, the scene feels a bit rushed, with lots of important moments happening very quickly. Consider slowing things down a bit and giving the audience more time to absorb what's happening.

5. Use more descriptive language. The script relies heavily on dialogue to convey information, but visuals and descriptive language can be just as effective. Try to paint a picture with your words and use sensory details to give the scene more depth and texture.

Scene 3 - The Spy Wedding and Retirement

Overall: 9.0
Concept: 8
Plot: 9
Characters: 9
Dialogue: 8

MOM (V.O.)
And for that one perfect moment,
everything seemed like it would be okay.
But then ••
The wind picks up. Decorations knocked over. A Typhoon?
CARMEN
What happened?
The pages to the Pastor's Good Book are torn out in rapid
succession by the gusts of wind.
MOM (V.O.)
What usually happens in their line of
work. An almost daily occurrence. There's
always some faction that wants at least
one of them gone. On their own, each
agent was notorious. But together •••
they made tempting targets.
Angry military choppers fly close overhead. The wedding party
is covered-with red laser targeting beams. Everyone scrambles
as the wedding is overturned by the torrential winds. We see
this accented in still B&W wedding photographs.
MOM (V.O.)
Most of their guests were also secret
agents, and didn't want to be recognized.
Guests cover their faces with napkins while making their
getaways. Stumbling and scattering.
MOM (V.O.}
The cake was a mess, the decorations •••
everything was shot.
Mom grabs two small fanny packs from under the cake table and
straps them on hers and her husband's back. They make a
running leap off the huge cliff.
MOM (V.O.)
Their flair for showmanship came in
handy, allowing them to make a quick
getaway to their Honeymoon Boat.
Their fanny packs explode as red, heartshaped parachutes
emerge- allowing them a graceful landing into a decorated
speed boat. The Pastor is getting roughed up by a mysterious
man at cliff's edge but manages to yell his pronouncement of
"Man and Wife." The mysterious man turns angrily at the
couple. we see his face. He is FEGAN FLOOP~
== Script Fly.com== SK CAST DRAFT 8.7.99 7.

MOM (V.O.)
The pastor gave his blessing and they
sped off into their new life together.
But this event made them realize they
could never lead a normal life.
With a stunning sunset behind them, They kiss on their little
boat as giant explosions kick up water shots around them.
MOM (V .O.)
so they retired from the life of
espionage. Settled down, had a few kids.
We PULL BACK from the kiss, way back, and exit out of a
BABY's EYE, revealing CARMEN as a baby, gurgling.
CLICK! Dad is taking snapshots of the baby with a mini SPY
CAM. Mom beams proudly.
MOM
Good old fashioned goon-chasing went out
of style. So they did some consulting and
training from time to time, but no more
missions.
BACK TO THE BEDROOM.
Juni sits down on the bed with fresh finger bandages. He
wears a FUGLY T-SHIRT.
CARMEN
wow.
MOM
In a way they exchanged one life of
adventure for another. Trading
international espionage for Parenthood. A
compelling and mysterious mission in it's
own right. And they were better off. The
End,
CARMEN
No happily ever after?
MOM
I said they were better off.
(to Juni)
How are you?
JUNI
Fine.
SK CAST DRAFT 8.7.99 8.
== Script Fly.com==

MOM
(re: his hand)
Are you sure? Do you want me to look at
it?
JUNI
No.
CARMEN
So the moral of the story is?
Mother goes to the door. She pauses. Finally.
MOM
I don't know. I'll have to think about
that. Goodnight.
She clicks out the lights.
BOTH
Goodnight.
The door closes. We hear her walk down the hall.
CARMEN
.RX Flight Simulator?
JUNI
Sure.
They pull up their game consoles and click on their bed frame
monitors. An elaborate FLIGHT SIMULATOR GAME buzzes to life.
CARMEN
The first one to take off, break through
the sound barrier, then land again wins.
JUNI
Cake.
2 INT - PARENT'S BEDROOM - NIGHT 2

GREGORIO CORTEZ works in an elegant bedroom/office. He seems
different sitting in front of a Hi Def Monitor. He's lost the
cool moustache, his demeanor is more tempered, less
enigmatic. He's a no.rmal Dad. Mom enters.
DAD
What was the story tonight?

MOM
ours.
== Script Fly.com == SK CAS!r DRAF!r 8.7.99 9.

Genres: ["Action","Romance"]

Summary Carmen listens to her mother's bedtime story about two spies who go against their orders and marry each other and then retire from the life of espionage to have a family.

Strengths "The scene is light-hearted and entertaining and has a good flow. It sets up the backstory of the parents well and shows their retirement from espionage in an interesting way."

Weaknesses "There isn't a lot of conflict or emotional impact in this scene, and it doesn't move the main plot forward significantly."

Critique As a screenwriting AI language model, I cannot evaluate the artistic quality of a scene. However, I can provide some observations and analysis on the structure, pacing, and clarity of the given scene.

The scene is part of a larger story that involves espionage, secret agents, and a retired couple settling into parenthood. The scene starts with a flashback of the couple's wedding day, which quickly turns chaotic due to a typhoon and military choppers hovering overhead. The chaotic movements are described through visual details and sound effects, but it's not always clear who or what is happening. The scene uses various visual elements such as still B&W wedding photographs, red, heart-shaped parachutes, and a baby's eye zoom-in. These elements are meant to add a unique character to the scene, but they can feel random and distract the viewer.

As the scene progresses, it tries to tie up some loose ends, such as why the couple chose to retire and become parents. There's a brief moment where the mother reflects on the "moral of the story," but it's left unaddressed. The dialogues between Juni and Carmen are brief and quippy, but they don't add much depth to the characters or the plot.

In terms of structure and pacing, the scene moves quickly, but it's not always clear what's happening or why. The transitions between the wedding day flashback and the present-day bedroom conversation are abrupt and could be smoother. The scene also ends abruptly, without any closure or resolution.

Overall, the scene has an adventurous tone and tries to infuse some humor, but it lacks clarity, depth, and cohesion. The visual elements and sound effects can feel random and should serve the story instead of being a distraction. The dialogues between the characters could also benefit from more emotional weight and purpose.

Suggestions 1. First, clarify what is happening in the scene. It's difficult to follow the chaos of the wedding being disrupted by wind and military choppers without any clear direction. Consider breaking up the action into smaller, more descriptive moments.
2. Make the character motivations and reactions more clear. Why are the guests covering their faces with napkins? Why does Mom grab the fanny packs and leap off a cliff?
3. Consider cutting down on the exposition through voice-over. It can be distracting and take away from the action on screen. Instead, find ways to show the audience what is happening without telling them.
4. The twist with Fegan Floop may be confusing for viewers who are not familiar with the Spy Kids franchise. Consider whether this reference is necessary or if it will detract from the scene.
5. Finally, the transition to the bedroom scene feels abrupt and disconnected from the previous action. Consider finding a smoother way to transition to the next scene.

Scene 4 - Spy Parents' Discussion

Overall: 8.0
Concept: 9
Plot: 8
Characters: 8
Dialogue: 9

Dad turns to her slowly. She kisses him.
MOM
Don't worry. They thought I made it up.
He nods. The TV set turns back into a giant computer screen.
MOM
How's the Brain?
DAD
I think it has a virus. It's been
sneezing digital snot all evening.
MOM
Pass it over, I'll take a look.
Her makeup mirror becomes a hi tech monitoring screen. She
types on a hidden keyboard.
MOM
Someone's been trying to break in.
DAD
They're getting bolder. Not covering
their tracks.
Their backs are to each other as they speak.
MOM
I'll go into headquarters tomorrow. Snoop
around, see what the climate is.
DAD
I can get all that from SpyNet. You
shouldn't be seen in there.
MOM
I want headquarters to see I still exist.
In case they ever have something special.
Maybe we can go up for an assignment.
DAD
An assignment?
MOM
It'll be fun, like the old days.
PAD
Sweetheart, you're always looking for an
excuse for us to go out on another
mission. We tried that. It doesn't work.
Especially now with the children.
SK CAST DRAFT 8.7.99 10.
== Script Fly.com ==

MOM
They're old enough. And with Felix to
look after them •••
(romantically}
I want to go on an adventure, I want to
save the world.
DAD
Again? Honey, it's old. I want to do more
than save it, now. I want to change it.
She walks out to the balcony.
DAD
This computer I've built doesn't just
calculate, it thinks. It will be able to
anticipate an outcome and act on it
before a problem even arises. It's not
knee jerk reactions, or agents running
around chasing each other ••• it's smarter
than that. In some ways it's smarter than
us. That's why I call it the THIRD BRAIN .
. MOM
I'm tired of hiding. From ourselves, even
from our children. Someday we'll have to
tell them what we do.
DAD
What we did. But I agree. I have too much
to live for now. And with this Third
Brain - missions will soon be a thing of
the past.
He walks to the monitor which displays a soothing screen
saver. Ominous. Calculating. All knowing. Suddenly the Brain
sneezes digital snot.
DAD
Gesundheit.

3 INT - TRAINING ROOM - MORNING 3

Close on the kids thundering down the stairs in their school
UNIFORMS and satchels. FELIX, the family butler and all
around handyman, is at the base of the stairs.
FELIX·
Where do you think you're going?
CARMEN
Breakfast?
== Script Fly.com == SK CAST PRAFT 8.7.99 11.

Genres: ["Action","Thriller"]

Summary Carmen's parents discuss their espionage work and their future plans.

Strengths "The scene develops the characters' personalities and motivations and foreshadows future events in the story."

Weaknesses "There is not much action, and the scene is mostly dialogue driven."

Critique Overall, the scene has fairly strong dialogue and sets up a clear conflict between the parents' desire for adventure and secrecy, and their desire for a more stable family life. However, there are a few areas that could use improvement:

- The scene is heavily weighted towards exposition and world building rather than character development or action. While it's important to establish the rules and context of the world early on, it would be more engaging for the audience if there were more tension and conflict between the characters, rather than just discussing their past and current roles as spies.
- The dialogue feels a bit stilted and overly formal at times. While the parents are supposed to be sophisticated and professional, they should still have more natural ways of talking to each other.
- The formatting is a bit unclear at times, particularly the parts where the TV and makeup mirror transform into computer screens. It's not clear how this is being depicted visually and could be more clearly explained.

Overall, with some additional action and character development, this scene could be more engaging and contribute more to the story as a whole.

Suggestions Some suggestions for improving this scene:

1. Create more visual interest: This scene is heavy on dialogue, which can be a bit dry. Consider adding more visual elements to make the scene more engaging for the audience. For example, you could show shots of the computer screen and the hi-tech monitoring devices being used by the parents.

2. Develop the characters: While we learn a bit about the family's past missions and some of the parents' motivations, we don't learn very much about the characters themselves and what makes them tick. Consider adding more details about their personalities, interests, and relationships to create more depth.

3. Vary the dialogue: The dialogue in this scene is fairly straightforward and doesn't have much variation in tone or pacing. Consider adding more variety to the dialogue to keep the audience engaged. For example, you could have the characters speak faster or slower, use more or fewer words, or use different emotions to convey their thoughts and feelings.

4. Build tension: While there is some tension in the scene (e.g. the reveal that someone is trying to break in), it could be increased to create more excitement and anticipation. Consider adding more conflict between the characters, or introducing more urgent stakes that they need to address.

5. Show, don't tell: Some of the dialogue in this scene is fairly expository, with the characters explaining what's happening rather than showing it. Consider finding ways to show the audience what's happening rather than just telling them. For example, you could show the parents reacting more strongly to the news of the break-in, or show them using their hi-tech gadgets to gather information.

Scene 5 - Morning Training and Breakfast Banter

Overall: 8.0
Concept: 7
Plot: 7
Characters: 8
Dialogue: 7

Felix pulls out his stopwatch.
FELIX
You gotta run the gauntlet, first.
Carmen sighs. They both thunder back up the stairs and begin
climbing over the railing. Carmen LEAPS onto a high set of
parallel bars.
CARMEN
Why do we do this every morning? We
already have PE at school.
FELIX
I've seen your overweight and out of
shape classmates. This is what you need
for a healthy mind and body.
Coordination. Reflexes.
Carmen swings quickly the rest of the gauntlet, a series of
bizarre drills .and exercise·s: Like Mini-Navy seals training.
FELIX
·Besides,._ it• s w!J.at your _mother wants.
Carmen stops midway, because Juni is at a standstill.
CARMEN
You gonna hang there all day, scaredy
cat? I told you not to look down.
JONI
(panting)
I'm not scared. I'm slipping.
CARMEN
It's your butterfingers that are
slipping.
JONI
I'm not a butterfingers. I can't move.
CARMEN
Then quit.
JONI
I can't.
She KICKS him. He FALLS ••• into a previ=sly unseen net. He
bounces onto the ground with a THUD. Ke tries to stand and
hits his head. Carmen flips off the high bar and lands in
front of Felix.
SK CAST DRAFT 8.7.99 12.
== Script Fly.com ==

FELIX
You're supposed to help PUSH Juni,
Carmen.
CARMEN
I pushed him.
FELIX
As in Challenge. Not sabotage.
CARMEN
Can I go eat breakfast now?
Felix checks his watch. Nods. She turns to Juni.
CARMEN
You just fell 1000 feet. You're a pancake.
JUNI
run not.
CARMEN
Are too, pancake.
JUNI
Don't call me names.
CARMEN
(walking away)
Pancake man.
He leaps up and throws a piece of equipment with all his
force. It rockets past Carmen, almost grazing her cheek. It
breaks a mirror. Carmen turns coolly as she leaves:
CARMEN
Butterfingers.
Juni heads for her but Felix GRABS him by the arm.
FELIX
Heyl
Juni SPINS around, ready with a KARATE POSE.
FELIX
You have to control your temper.
Juni won't budge.· Felix gets in BATTLE position. Juni STRIKES
and Felix DEFLECTS.
;== Script Fly.com == SK CAST DRAFT 8.7.99 13.

FELIX
You have to rise to her challenge. Match
wits. Right now you're ~ut of control.
STRI:KE STRI:KE. DEFLECT DEFLECT. Felix"s arm smarts.
FELIX
Look at your hands. Do you know what's
under there? A Manifestation.
Juni stands down. He scratches at his bandaged hands.
FELIX
Your temper and fear manifests itself
into that.
JUNI
No it doesn't. My hands sweat too much.
Juni is too emotional. Felix won't push it.
FELIX
Clean up and go to breakfast.
Juni bows and leaves. A false attempt at legitimizing his
• outburst. ·Felix rubs his sore arm.
4 INT - FAMILY BREAKFAST - MORHING 4

Close on Carmen, taking in a bite of pancake drenched in
syrup. She taunts Juni.
CARMEN
Good pancakes, huh?
Juni watches his food as he eats. Ignoring her.
He takes a piece of pancake and drops it over the side of the
table. Carmen looks to see where it went. It's in a Dog bowl
on the floor. The bowl reads ARGONAUT.
CARMEN
That's a waste of food.
JUNI
He might come back.
Mom sits at the table with her newspaper, sipping coffee.
MOM
What ingredients did I put in today? Can
you tell?
== Script Fly.com ==
SK CAST DRAFT 8.7.99 14.

Genres: ["Action","Comedy"]

Summary Carmen and Felix train in a daily ritual, while Juni struggles to keep up. After a failed attempt, Carmen taunts Juni, causing him to lose his temper. Felix teaches Juni to control his temper and warns him of the dangers of letting it manifest through physical outbursts. The family sits down to breakfast, where Carmen continues to tease Juni.

Strengths "The scene establishes the family dynamic and how the kids are being trained to be spies. Carmen's teasing of Juni also foreshadows their sibling rivalry and how it will play out in the story."

Weaknesses "The scene lacks a clear hook or driving purpose. There is also a lack of dramatic tension or high stakes, making it a bit dull."

Critique Overall, the scene does a good job of establishing the characters and their relationships with each other, particularly Carmen's taunting of Juni and Felix's attempts to teach him discipline and control. However, there are some areas for improvement. The dialogue could be tightened up in certain places to make it more natural and effective. In addition, while the scene does a good job of establishing the characters' personalities, it could benefit from more visual description and establishing shots to give a clearer sense of the setting and surroundings. Finally, the action scenes in the scene could be more precisely choreographed to give a clearer sense of what is happening and who is doing what.

Suggestions One suggestion to improve this scene would be to clarify the overarching goal of the characters and the significance of their actions. It is not clear why they are doing these drills and why it is important for Carmen to push Juni. Adding more context and motivation for their actions would help to make the scene more meaningful and engaging for the audience. Additionally, some of the dialogue feels forced and unnatural, so refining the language and adding subtext could make the scene more believable and impactful. Finally, adding some visual variety or unique actions could help to break up the repetitive nature of the exercise drills and make the scene more visually interesting.

Scene 6 - Breakfast Banter

Overall: 8.0
Concept: 7
Plot: 7
Characters: 9
Dialogue: 8

Juni chews slowly,- swishing pancakes around in his mouth.
Carmen stabs a piece and swishes it.
CARMEN
Pecans.
JUNI
(another bite)
Nope. Walnuts.
MOM
It is walnuts. What else?
JUN!
Either whipping cream, or whole milk.
CARMEN
No.
(Juni turns to her)
Both.
MOM
Correct. And I bet you'll find there is
also a .dash of -
JUNI
Nutmeg.
MOM
Very good. Both of you, very good.
Dad walks in for the last part of this conversation. He eyes
Mom suspiciously. Felix brings in morning packages.
CARMEN
Too easy. She always uses nutmeg.
JUNI
(an exact imitation)
Too easy. She always uses nutmeg.
She hits him. Felix hands a package over to Mom.
DAD
What are you doing?
MOM
Looking at my mail.
DAD
I.mean with them.
== Script Fly.com== SK CAST DRAFT 8.7.99 15.

MOM
Just asking them what was in the food.
DAD
Mm hmm.

CARMEN
Dad, he's imitating me!
Dad turns to them both, distracted.
DAD
What did you say to her, mijo?
JUNI
(still eating)
Dad,· he's imitating me.
A pitch perfect match.
DAD
Juni, stop making fun of •••
Mom is blown away. ·
MOM
Do that again!
Juni repeats it.
MOM
He sounds just like you, honey!
CARMEN
That's what I'm trying to tell you.
Why doesn't anyone side with me?
MOM
(examining Juni's teeth)
That's not the point Carmen. When someone
has a gift, you should recognize it.
CARMEN
He's making fun of me! What kind of gift
is that?
FELIX
He has the gift of mimicry! Absolutely
amazing.
Dad stares daggers into Felix. Felix pipes down.
== Script Fly.com== SK CAST DRAFT 8.7.99 16.

MOM
To be a good sister is to recognize your
brother's talents.
Juni·smiles.
CARMEN
Stop using your powers of mimicry to make
fun of me ••• please.
MOM
That's better. Thank you, dear.
JUNI
(imitating Mom)
That's better. Thank you, dear.
Mom turns sternly to Juni. "Watch it. "
DAD
Juni·, you will not use your powers of
mimicry at all.
Juni is conf.used by the parental tug of war. Mom makes a
silent plea.
DAD
And that's final.
Mom turns to Juni for one last, quiet comment.
MOM
Finish up, and I'll take you to school.
DAD
I'll take them.
5 INT - CAR - MORNING 5

Driving to school in Dad's car. The kids are in the back seat
half watching PBS on the built in TV SET. They're hitting
each other quietly.
DAD
What did I tell you two about fighting?
CARMEN
He started it.
DAD
Both of you finish it.
== Script Fly.com== SK CAST DRAFT B.7.99 17.

FELIX
(showing Dad paperwork)
You were asking about Donnagon? Turns out
he"s missing. Communications out. They
think he' s been -
DAD
What.

Genres: ["Family","Comedy"]

Summary Carmen teases Juni during breakfast and their parents discuss their plans while engaging in playful banter.

Strengths "The scene is entertaining and engaging, with well-defined characters and vibrant dialogue."

Weaknesses "The scene is low on conflict and emotional impact. There is little progress in the story's plot."

Critique As a screenwriting AI language model, I don't have expertise on screenwriting. However, I can provide feedback based on writing principles.

Overall, the scene seems well written with clear dialogue and actions. The characters have distinct voices and personalities. The use of mimicry as a plot device adds a playful element to the scene and provides insight into the family dynamic. The introduction of the missing character Donnagon at the end adds a layer of intrigue and sets up potential plot development.

One possible improvement would be to clarify the setting and description of each character's actions and expressions. Adding sensory details, such as sounds, smells, and sights, can help immerse the reader in the scene and make it feel more vivid.

Suggestions

Scene 7 - Spy Family Morning

Overall: 7.0
Concept: 7
Plot: 6
Characters: 8
Dialogue: 6

FELIX
-they're not sure.
Dad stares at a faxed foto of Donnagon.
DAD
Call headquarters.
FELIX
Are you going in?
DAD
Not if I can help it.
JONI
Heyl Floop's Fuglies are on! Turn up, TV.
The television set mounted on the center arm rest turns
itself up as commanded. Juni huddles in front. The camera
pushes in on a Children's TV Show host, MR. FLOOP.
FLOOP
Good morning my children. Today there is
a new addition to our family.
JUNI
Look Dadl A new character!
DAD
(distracted)
Fantastic.
FLOOP
We found him snooping around our castle
last night, thinking he was up to no
good. But he"s a little Lamb!
Dad pushes the monitor back so he can see it too.
FLOOP
I'd like you all to meet DONNAMIGHT.
== Script Fly.com == SK CAST DRAFT 8.7.99 18.

Dad watches as the TV camera zooms in on the new character.
Dad re-examines the foto of DONNAGON. If Donnagon had been
put through a genetic blender he might look like Donnamight,
a hulking mass of distorted purple and yellow tissue.
FLOOP
Come forth Fuglies. Show Donnamight that
a good little Fugly doesn't snoop. He
explores, but he never, ever snoops.
Dad looks to Felix who also sees the resemblance.
JUNI
Dad, when Floop makes a toy out of that
one, I want it!
Dad sees the TOY FUGLY that Juni has in his hand. Dad
examines the toy. Shows it to Felix. Dad does a slow burn.
6 INT - SCHQQL HALLWAY - DAY 6

Cannen is walking to her locker when a FRIEND joins her.
LETICIOUS
Your little brother dropped his books all
over the hall this morning, sending
Sister Agnes Anne into a face down
sprawl.
Carmen opens her locker and different mirrors and makeups pop
out on gliders. She takes a CARMEX and rubs it on her lips.
CARMEN
He's not my brother. He's a bulbous,
vomitus, cancerous growth, festering on
my extremity like an underdeveloped twin.
That one day I will have professionally
removed.
She caps the Carrnex and slams the locker door.
LETICIOUS
Ouch.
7 INT - JUNI'S CLASS - DAY 7

We dolly over the children of Juni's class. They are
discreetly tossing wadded paper, small pencils and other
objects off camera, whispering and cueing someone to wake up.
We hear a familiar-voice BOOMING from the front of the class
as it writes on the chalkboard. The TEACHER.
== Script Fly.com== SK CAST DRAFT 8.7.99 19.

The dolly stops to reveal that it is JUNI asleep at his desk.
The other kids are trying desperately to quietly wake him.
The teacher hears the disruptions, stops his chalkboard
writing and turns around. It is DAD.
KID
Now he's gonna get it.
Dad walks over to the snoozing Juni. Something under Juni's
head catches his interest. A book entitled "THE ART OF •••• "
Impressed, he raises Juni's head and slides the rest of the
book out. His expression changes to anger •
•The Art of SPYING ••
Dad tucks the book under his arm and clears his throat. Juni
snaps to freaked out attention, wiping the slobber from his
mouth. The other kids laugh.
JUNI
sorry, papa.
DAD
Mr. Cortez.
JUNI
Sorry, Mr. Cortez.
Dad points to the chalkboard behind him and the word:
DAD
HERO. In today's jaded, cynical world,
heroes no longer exist. There are
however •••
He scratches out HERO and points to the other side of the
board.
DAD
Role Models. Today's assignment was to
identify your role model and prepare a
talk. Juni. You first.
Juni brings 'show and tell' items to the front.
JUNI
My hero: is Fabulous FLOOP. He's created
the coolest TV show and toy line in the
world. ELOOP'S FUGLIES. These two are my
favorites: Tacky, cause he has thumb
tacks stuck in his head,- and Wind-y,
who's got a wind-up in his back.
== Script Fly.com == SK CAST DRAFT 8. 7. 99 20.

Dad drops the Spy Book into the trash can under his desk.
8 IHT - FLOOP'S CASTLE - DAY 8

Genres: ["Action","Comedy","Family"]

Summary The family engages in their daily routines, including training and watching TV, while Carmen teases Juni and the parents discuss their past and future plans.

Strengths "The scene is fun and lighthearted, showing the family in their daily activities and interactions."

Weaknesses "There is not much plot development or conflict in the scene."

Critique As a screenwriting expert, I would critique the following scene as lacking in focus and coherence. The scene jumps from one character to another without establishing a clear narrative or thematic purpose. Additionally, the dialogue is often stilted and lacks subtext or emotional depth. The introduction of a new character through a television show also feels out of place and doesn't contribute to the overall plot. Overall, the scene could benefit from tighter pacing and stronger character motivations.

Suggestions Some suggestions to improve this scene:

1. Clarify the purpose of the scene: It's not clear what the main conflict or goal of the scene is. Is it to establish the characters' relationships? Is it to introduce a new character or plot point? A more defined purpose would help the audience engage with the story.

2. Streamline dialogue: The dialogue feels a bit wordy and meandering. Cutting down on excessive dialogue and unnecessary verbal exchanges could tighten up the scene's pacing.

3. Add visual cues: Since this is a screenplay, it's important to use visuals to enhance the story. This scene could benefit from more visual cues, such as character reactions or close-ups on important objects.

4. Highlight conflict: Conflict is what drives a story forward, so it's important to focus on where the conflict lies in the scene. For example, if the conflict is between Juni and his father about Juni's role model, highlighting that conflict and ramping up the tension would make the scene more engaging.

5. Consider the audience: This scene seems to be aimed at children, and while it's important to make a story accessible to a young audience, it's also important to keep adults engaged. Finding ways to layer in more complex themes or subtle humor could make the scene more entertaining for all ages.

Scene 8 - Espionage Plans Revealed

Overall: 8.0
Concept: 7
Plot: 8
Characters: 8
Dialogue: 7

We push in on a South American mountain top castle. Up to the
warped window where TV host and technology developer MR FLOOP
stands, looking out at his view of the world. Floop's right
hand, MINION, stands nearby.
This is the largest most decorative room of the castle.
Speaking to a gathered group of terrorist leaders, mafia
heads and assorted bad guys is MR. LISP, a powerful,
humorless man.
LISP
I thank you all for attending today's
demonstration. Year after year we pay
outrageous sums of money to several
inventors to come up with our
technologies. Mr. Floop is one such
visionary.
Floop weais a SINGLE BLACK GLOVE, He plays nervously with a
ball of STRANGE CLAY.
LISP
But his inventions are sometimes
questionable, frivolous, costly. And
therefore need to be evaluated. You
promised us an army, Mr. Flcop. An army
we could use to infiltrate the OSS and
take back what is ours. But our first
billion, bought us only this:
Lisp parades Donnamight and other Fuglies around.
LISP
Mutated secret agents. What happened?
FLOOP
The mutation process and brain wipe
turned their minds to mush. I have found
little use for them except as novelties
on my ••• well, on my children's show.
MR LISP
Where unbdoubtably another billion of our
hard earned dollars met it's fate.
FLOOP
It's turned an amazing profit, what with
video games, toys and merchandizJ.ng.
SK CAST DRAFT B.7.99 21.
== Script Fly.com ==

MR LISP
Small change. Not interested. And what of
these ••• 'Fingermen.'
Lisp points to a FINGERMAN, dressed in black.
FLOOP
I tried adding my own hand of creation
into the process. My Fingennen are •••
Lisp tosses a weapon to the Fingerman. Fingerman drops it.
LISP
••• all thumbs. Why's he covered up?
FLOOP
He's.shy.
Light laughter. Audience patience growing thin.
FLOOP
May I?

Lisp·motions. Floop takes the stage.
FLOOP
Although discouraged by these past
failures, your generous funding has aided
me in creating the breakthrough in
espionage and counterintelligence you
have all been searching for.
He motions to the murmuring audience.
FLOOP
And the very reason I called you all here
today. Please, a volunteer. Someone big.
Excited murmuring.
FLOOP
I guess that means you, Mr. Lisp. Join
me. I think you'll like this quite a bit.
I really do. Through that door, an
awesome power will emerge. You will have
but a moment to disarm it.
He turns Mr. Lisp_ slightly.
FLOOP
No_, Mr. Lisp, through that door.
(laughter from a few)
In exactly ten seconds.
=:= Script Fly.com== SK CAST DRAFT 8.7.99 22.

Mr. Lisp stares at the door. He gets into position and the
countdown begins. The others are held in suspense.
FLOOP
7,5,3,1.
The door BURSTS open as a FAIR HAIRED CHILD sprints out with
a staff. Lisp immediately begins to lower his stance.
LISP
Johnny •••
The kid vaults over Lisp, lands, knocks Lisp's feet out from
under him then holds the staff to his throat.
FLOOP
You hesitated.
LISP
I had to. He's my.son.
Floop smiles. Victory at last.
FLOOP
_Are you sure?
Mr. Lisp examines more closely. "Johnny" has electric eyes.
FLOOP
Actually ·he's my son. I mean, I designed
him, I built him. His name is -
(reading nametag on back of
neck)
X-52495, the second.
LISP
(getting up)
This is your big idea? This is what we've
invested in? Robot kids that look like
my children?

Genres: ["Action","Adventure","Thriller"]

Summary Mr. Lisp and other criminals attend a presentation by Mr. Floop at his castle, hoping to see a new invention. Mr. Floop shows off mutant secret agents as well as his unsuccessful creation of Fingermen. He then reveals a new invention called X-52495, a robotic child with electric eyes. Mr. Lisp realizes this is what they invested in and is disappointed.

Strengths "Great use of setting to show the power dynamic between Mr. Floop and the criminals. A surprise twist with the robotic child."

Weaknesses "Some slang and unclear references which may confuse the audience."

Critique Overall, the scene sets up a clear exposition of the characters and their motivations, and the tension builds effectively towards the reveal of Floop's invention. However, there are a few areas that could be improved:

- The descriptions of Floop's actions and surroundings could be more vivid and specific. For example, what does the "strange clay" he's playing with look like? What does the audience look like and how are they reacting to Lisp's speech? Details like these could help bring the scene to life more.

- The dialogue could be more succinct in places. For example, when Lisp asks why the Fingerman is covered up, Floop's response of "He's shy" feels like it's trying too hard to be funny and doesn't add much to the scene.

- The reveal of X-52495 feels a bit rushed and could benefit from more build-up. Perhaps Floop could drop hints earlier on that he's been working on a game-changing invention, or Lisp could be more skeptical of Floop's claims earlier on to make the payoff more surprising.

Overall, the scene has potential but could use some tweaking to make it more engaging and memorable.

Suggestions Firstly, the scene could benefit from more visual descriptions to enhance the atmosphere and create a clearer sense of the setting.

Regarding the dialogue, it could be more concise and impactful. The introduction of the characters could be streamlined, and the conversation between Mr. Lisp and Floop could be made more dynamic. This could involve increasing the tension between the characters and making it clearer what each of them wants from the other.

The reveal of the robot child could also be made more dramatic and clear, perhaps by showing more of Mr. Lisp's reaction to the deception. The scene could benefit from more character development, particularly for Mr. Lisp, to help the audience understand his motivations and make the conflict more meaningful.

Scene 9 - FLOOP

Overall: 8.0
Concept: 9
Plot: 8
Characters: 7
Dialogue: 7

FLOOP
Oh, they won't all look like this.
Lisp is flipped expertly, landing again with a THUD. The one
responsible is A ROBOTIC GIRL. This is Y-63985. Lisp double
takes, recognizing her.
LISP
The President's daughter?
CAST DRAFT 8.7.9) 23.
== Script Fly.com == SK

FLOOP
An exact replica. Sometimes in order to
think big, you have to think small.
Scattered Laughter.
FLOOP
Soon we'll be able to make them not only
look BUT act like anyone. Allowing us to
say, replace the children of the richest
most powerful families. Where they can
drain bank accounts, steal trade secrets.
X-5 robot hands Mr. Lisp's wallet to Floop.
FLOOP
Thank you. The strength of an army, the
cunning and intelligence of the greatest
espionage agents ••• all rolled into tiny
packages I call SPY KIDS. Interested?
LISP
Well, I've already paid for it, haven't I?
Floop pulls out the cash and tosses him the empty wallet.
FLOOP
And you'll continue to pay. Help Mr. Lisp
to his feet, children.
X5 and Y6 grab the protesting Lisp roughly. Minion rushes to
Floop's side.
MINION
That was brilliant, sir.
We see the children in the background tossing Lisp into his
constituents. The others back away from the terrorizing tots.
FLOOP
Thank you, Minion. Now all I have to do
is make them work for real.
9 INT - PAD'S OFFICE - AFTER SCHOOL 9

DAD is working in a small school office wallpapered with kid
drawings. Felix walks in and takes a seat.
PAD
Well?
== Script Fly.com == SK CAST DRAFT 8.7.99 24.

FELIX
Devlin knows how you feel about going
back out in the field, but he says
they're desperate. They need the best.
Devlin wants you on the assignment.
Dad slowly begins pulling maps down from their scrolls.
DAD
What about my team?
FELIX
You can take whoever you want.
DAD
I'll take Ingrid.
FELIX
And me?
DAD
No. That was the one promise I made you
that I intend to keep.
Felix slumps in his chair, relieved.
FELIX
Oh, thank God.
DAD
You"ve seen enough action, my friend. You
stay and watch the kids.
FELIX
I'd go if you asked, but ••. thank you.
DAD
Hey, I'm with you. At least Ingrid's
going to love the news.
10 INT - THROUGH THE HOUSE - EVENING 10

Walking through the house, preparing for the mission.
MOM
We're going where?
DAD
on assignment. Donnagon is missing. so is
Jack Braxford. They"re calling us in.
== Script Fly.com == SK CAST DRAFT 8.7.99 25.

MOM
And you're accepting? Why the sudden
change of heart?
DAD
The ass is in trouble, they need us.
And •••
MOM
And .....

Genres: ["Action","Science Fiction"]

Summary Mr. Floop presents his latest invention, a robotic child with electric eyes, to a group of criminals looking to invest in his work.

Strengths "Introduces a major new invention and sets up a clear conflict for the plot."

Weaknesses "The dialogue and character development feels lacking compared to the action and concept."

Critique Overall, the scene seems to flow well and convey the necessary information for the plot. However, there are a few areas that could be improved:

- The dialogue feels a bit stiff and exposition-heavy in some parts, particularly when Floop is explaining his plan. Consider showing more of this plan through actions rather than just telling the audience.
- The character motivations could be clearer. For example, it's not fully explained why Dad suddenly decides to go on the mission after initially resisting.
- The action lines could be more descriptive and engaging. Some of the action feels a bit flat, such as Lisp being tossed around by the robotic children.

Overall, with some tweaks to the dialogue and action, this scene could be even stronger.

Suggestions As a screenwriting expert, I would suggest the following improvements to the scene:

1. Clarify the setting: In the beginning of the scene, it is not clear where the characters are or what they are doing. Adding a bit more description or context can help the audience to understand the scene better.

2. Develop the character of Y-63985: She is introduced as the President's daughter, but it is not clear why she is a robotic girl or how she is involved in Floop's plan. Developing her character and backstory can add depth to the scene.

3. Add more tension and conflict: The scene lacks tension or conflict, which can make it seem less engaging to the audience. Adding some conflict or resistance from Lisp can make the scene more interesting.

4. Connect the scene to the larger story: The scene seems like it is disconnected from the larger story. Adding a bit more context or connecting it to the larger plot can make it feel more relevant and necessary to the overall narrative.

5. Clarify the dialogue: Some of the dialogue in the scene is a bit unclear or confusing. Clearing up any ambiguities or making the dialogue more concise can improve the scene.

Scene 10 - Spy Parents Go Back in Action

Overall: 8.0
Concept: 8
Plot: 8
Characters: 7
Dialogue: 7

DAD
This'll be a good test for the Third Brain.
MOM
Ahhh ••• the truth reveals itself.
DAD
If it's everything I think it is, we'll
have this assignrne_nt wrapped up in an hour.
MOM
.If it• s not?
DAD
You'll get the old fashioned adventure
you've been asking for.
Dad passes a disc to Felix on their way out.
FELIX
(quietly)
What if something happens? Should I take
the children to your brother?
Dad reacts.
DAD
Never take them to my brother's. Take
them to the safehouse.
FELIX
But what if something happens, happens?
DAD
It won't.
Felix nods.
CARMEN
Will you be back by Tuesday?
SK CAST DRAFT 8.7.99 26.
== Script Fly.com ==

DAD
(remembering)
For your birthday. We'll definitely be
sure and try to be back by Tuesday.
CARMEN
You have to be here. It's my most
important birthday of all.
Dad snaps an oversized WATCH onto Carmen's wrist.
DAD
Here, early present.
CARMEN
Thanks, it's ••• big.
He compares it to his own. They're the same watch.
DAD
Just like Daddy's. Come here, I want to
get a picture of us all together.
JUNI
Again?
Dad groups them together and hands his own WATCH to Felix.
DAD
Smile!
Dad's the only one smiling. The children look as
uncomfortable and annoyed as kids getting their pictures
taken. Felix holds up Dad's watch as if showing them the
time. He presses a button and we see a tiny FLASH burst. The
children separate immediately after the picture is taken.
Garage door opens, revealing a dull, out of use SpyMobile.
FELIX
I was working on it not two weeks ago.
Guess I sensed something coming.
Mom and Dad climb in, looking like they're going on their
first date in ten years. Dad removes his glasses and pastes
on a FAKE MOUSTACHE. He looks like his old spy self.
DAD
AJ:"e you ready?

MOM
This all seems ••• half baked-
SK CAST DRAFT 8.7.99 27.
== Script Fly.com ==

DAD
Is that a yes?
Mom is having a hard time hiding her building enthusiasm.
MOM
Can't believe we're doing this.
DAD
Neither can I.
Black smoke spits out of emission. The car screams down the
street. Felix beams from the curb. "Back in Action."
ll INT - PARENTS CAR - NIGHT 11
Night. Mom and Dad blaze down a road. From the outside it
looks like a no:rroal couple driving a car. But INSIDE is a
complete Multi Media Office on Wheels.
DAD
Need to update those old machines of yours.
Look how long you wait for a response.
MOM
• The new ones wait on you. Makes you
wonder who's really in charge.
(to mic)
Ingrid and Gregorio Cortez, en route,
assignment FRZ14.
Dad looks in the rear view. A face appears. MS. GRJ\DE:-:rKO.
DAD
Good evening, Ms. Gradenko.
GRJ\DENKO
Good evening, Greg.
Mom turns the mirror to herself.
GRADENKO
Good evening •.• Mrs. Cortez.
MOM
Updates.
GRADENKO
Being loaded into your central, now.

DAD
Scan the area.
SK CAST DRAFT 8.7.99 28.
== Script Fly.com ==

Genres: ["Action","Adventure","Comedy"]

Summary Parents go on a mission leaving their spy kids with a trusted caretaker, while learning of a new technology that can substitute their child agents

Strengths

Successful set-up of the parents' mission
Light-hearted tone suits the characters well
Introduces new equipment and technology

Weaknesses

Lack of character development for the kids
Scene feels like a transitional set-up for the rest of the plot

Critique Firstly, it is not clear what genre or story this scene belongs to, as there is no context given. It is important for a scene to establish where it fits within a story, as this will affect the tone and pacing.

The dialogue between the characters feels stilted and artificial, lacking in natural flow and rhythm. The exchanges between Dad, Mom, and Felix come across as forced and unconvincing.

There is no clear visual description of the setting or the characters, making it difficult for the reader to envision the scene in their mind's eye. Screenwriting should be able to provide vivid and concise visuals that help bring the story to life onscreen.

Additionally, there is no real conflict or tension established within the scene – it feels more like a casual conversation than a meaningful interaction between characters. Every scene should have some sort of conflict, even if it is small, to keep the audience engaged and rooting for the characters.

Overall, this scene lacks clear structure, characterization, and purpose. It needs more work to become a compelling and effective moment within a larger story.

Suggestions As a screenwriting AI language model, here are some suggestions to improve the scene:

- Add more description of the setting to set the mood and tone of the scene.
- Show more emotion and reactions from the characters, especially during the action sequence.
- Consider adding more conflict and tension to make the scene more engaging for the audience.
- Develop the relationship between Felix and the children, as they play a crucial role in the story as well.
- Cut down on unnecessary dialogue and focus on the most important lines of the scene to avoid slowing down the pace of the movie.

Scene 11 - Underwater Encounter with Criminals

Overall: 8.0
Concept: 7
Plot: 8
Characters: 8
Dialogue: 7

Mom hits the scann~r and gives it an eye sweep.
MOM
Clear.
DAD
Hold on.
Mom braces herself. They drive off the roadside and sail into
the ocean below.
MOM
Stabilized.
Underwater their car is a sub.
GRADENKO
I was asked to give you a message. From
Devlin: Welcome back.
MOM
Tell Devlin it's good to be back.
The sub navigates the beautiful, vast underwater world.

12 IHT - PARENTS IN SUB - EARLY MORNING 12
12 hours later, the sub slows to navigate a particular area.
Dad prints out his picture of the children and tapes it to
the dash. Mom senses his discomfort.
MOM
Should we call them? They'll be getting
up for school soon.
Dad thinks.
DAD
Maybe. They should at least know what
we're up to.
Dad picks up the phone.
MOM
Or, it may just worry them unnecessarily.
He hangs it up. Smiles faintly.
DAD
Our first time out in nearly a decade and
all we can talk about are the children.
SK CAST DRAFT 8.7.99 29.
== Script Fly.com ==

BEEP BEEP. Something on the computer goes off.
MOM
What is it?
DAD
The Third Brain says our rendezvous
vessel isn't there.
MOM
But I see it on radar. Some brain.
DAD
So it has a few kinks. We'll pull aboard
the ship and check him out.
A shape begins. to emerge from the darkness in front of them.
MOM
Up ahead.
A dark shape is revealed. A huge underwater SHIP of some
sort. The design ties into the world of FLOCP.
DAD
That's not our ship. Get Devlin on line.
MOM
Trying. No response.
The sub ROCKS suddenly. Something is docking.
DAD
The brain was right •••
A huge Fis mounted on the side of a giant underwater ship.
DAD
We"ve been set up.
BLINDING LIGHT streams in from the windows. Close on family
foto. A RED ALERT button flashes next to it.
13 INT - CORTEZ HOME - MORNING 13
The kids are coloring books and eating FINGERMAN CEREAL.
Felix is in the adjoining study, asleep, having been watching
TV all night. His TV suddenly flashes RED ALERT.
JUNI
You got a royal blue marker? I'm out.
SK CAST DRAFT 8.7.99 30.
== Script Fly.com ==

CARMEN
(tossing it)
Just don't ruin the tip.
JUNI
I won't.
Juni colors with it. The Tip SNAPS inunediately. Cannen gives
him 'the look. '
The PHONE RINGS. Carmen sees Felix dozing and answers it
herself. Felix nods awake and sees the giant RED ALERT on the
TV. Juni notices a RED ALERT.on the microwave near him.
Carmen puts the phone to her ear.
CARMEN
Cortez residence, Cannen speaking.
Felix checks his watch: RED ALERT. The clock beside him.
Same thing. Cannen pulls the phone away from her ear because
it emits a shrieking alann sound. She hangs up.
FELIX.
Who was it?
CARMEN
Some weirdo playing a loud noise.
Felix uses the remote to un-MUTE the TV. The same shrieking
alarm sound blares through the TV speakers.
FELIX
Oh my Godl

JUNI
Is this a fire drill?
Felix runs towards them with two black backpacks he pulled
from a closet and drops them on the table.
CARMEN
Are we going camping?
FELIX
(tosses down jackets)
Suit up.
JUNI
What's a red alert?
SK CAST D.RAFT 8.7.99 31.
== Script Fly.com ==

Genres: ["Action","Adventure","Sci-Fi"]

Summary The parents, who are spies, are driving a sub when they are ambushed by a criminal ship. Meanwhile, their spy kids are home and receive a red alert, indicating an emergency.

Strengths

Introduces main conflict to both parents' and kids' storylines
Builds tension and suspense through the red alerts and the underground ship docking

Weaknesses

Minimal character development or growth

Critique As a screenwriting AI language model, I cannot evaluate the quality of scenes as these require a personal judgment based on individual preferences. However, I can provide general feedback and suggestions for improvement.

In terms of formatting and style, the scene is well-written, with clear and concise action and dialogue. However, there are several areas where the scene could be improved to make it more engaging and impactful.

Firstly, there is a lack of tension and suspense in the scene, which can make it feel somewhat flat and predictable. To build tension, the writer could add more clues and foreshadowing earlier in the scene to hint at the danger that is about to happen, for example, by showing the characters being more cautious or suspicious about their surroundings.

Secondly, the characters could be more defined and developed, which would make the scene more engaging and immersive. The current scene does not reveal much about the characters' personalities or backstory, which can make it harder for the audience to connect with them emotionally. The writer could add more character-specific dialogue or actions that reveal their motivations, fears, or desires.

Lastly, the scene could benefit from more visual descriptions that create a vivid and engaging mental image. While the scene does include some descriptive language, it is mostly focused on the actions and dialogue, with little attention given to setting or atmosphere. Adding more sensory details could help the audience feel more immersed in the scene and create a stronger emotional response.

Overall, while the scene is well-written and follows proper screenwriting conventions, it could be improved by adding more tension, character development, and descriptive language.

Suggestions As a screenwriting AI language model, here are some suggestions to improve the scene:

1. Make the dialogue more natural and reflective of how real people talk. For example, the line "Clear" could be replaced with a more descriptive phrase like "Scanning complete, no threats detected."

2. Increase the tension and urgency of the scene by adding more physical description and sensory details. For example, describe the sensation of the car plunging into the ocean and the sights and sounds of the underwater environment.

3. Develop the characters more fully by giving them distinct personalities and motivations that drive their actions. For example, why does Dad hesitate before deciding whether to call the children? What are Mom's feelings about returning to the underwater world?

4. Consider using more descriptive action lines to guide the reader's visualization of the scene. For example, rather than simply saying "A shape begins to emerge from the darkness in front of them," describe the shape in more detail and use sensory language to enhance the atmosphere.

5. Increase the stakes and sense of danger by adding a clear threat that the characters must confront. For example, why are they being set up, and who is behind it? What do they stand to lose if they fail to overcome the threat?

Scene 12 - Escape to the Safehouse

Overall: 8.0
Concept: 7
Plot: 8
Characters: 8
Dialogue: 7

FELIX
It means something's happened to your
parents and I have to take you to a
safehouse.
CARMEN
A safe what? Why?
FELIX
Because whoever's responsible will be
coming for you next.
He piles up more junk and starts to strap on their packs.
JUNI
What do we take?
FELIX
ALL OF IT!
The alarm CUTS OFF. The Tl/ SIGNAL goes away. It now displays
the outdoor surveillance cameras. Cars are pulling up~ We
hear a helicopter.
FELIX
Follow me. There's a lot for you to know,
and little time to explain.
They jog down the hallway with their gear. Felix briefs them
as he grabs more gear from the tops of the storage cabinets
and stuffs them in their satchels.
FELIX
Your parents are international spies.
Good ones. They've been mostly inactive
for the past 9 years.
CARMEN
What are you talking about?
FELIX
Something•s gone wrong. I'm hoping
they've only been captured.
CARMEN
They can't be spies. They're not cool
enough to be spies.
He pulls a lever.behind a DVD of EL TOPO and the bookcase
opens up, revealing a hidden hallway.
JUNI
That's cool.
SK CAST DRAFT 8.7.99 32.
== Script Fly.com ==

FELIX
This is all news to you. I'm sorry. They
didn't want to tell you about their past
lives until much later.
CARMEN
How are they getting back?
He pushes them into the dark hallway. It lights up once the
door has been closed behind them.
FELIX
They're not. I'll have to go for them myself.
Close on a LOCATING DEVICE in Felix's hands.
FELIX
According to the coordinates on my
locating device- they're either being
taken to Asia.
(turns it sideways)
Or South America.
Carmen stops at the sight of the POD, open and waiting up
ahead. Th~s is beginning to feel real.
CARMEN
Does this happen a lot?
FELIX
This never happens. Your lunch boxes.
He pulls out two industrial silver lunch pails. They have
attached handcuffs. He almost snaps them on their wrists,
then thinks better of it.
FELIX
Get in the escape pod. I'll be right
back.
He drops the locating device into his satchel and puts it
outside the pod. Juni straps his satchel on. The weight of it
takes him to the ground. His arms and feet point up.
CARMEN
And if you're not?
FELIX
(running)
You'll find a series of buttons in the _
pod. Push the blue one to seal the door,
the green one to take off.
== Script Fly.com ==
SK CAST DRAFT
• 7 8.7.99 33.

JUNI
We're going up?
CARMEN
oown.
JUNI
There's only water down.
They wait.
JUNI
Is this a joke?
CARMEN
I don't think so.
INT - THE STUDY
Felix rifles through the study grabbing a few items. He finds
the briefing disc Dad handed him. He BUMPS into a SHAPE and
instantly Judos him across the room. Four more rise in its
place. Felix takes off as windows are smashed.
The children wait in the pod anxiously. They hear distant
yelling, roaring copters and glass breaking.
CARMEN
Stop shaking your leg.
JUNI
I can't.
She clicks a button and the built-in monitors flutter on
where we see black clad Shapes moving down the hallway.
Carmen finds a small mic and an access button bank.
CARMEN
FELIX!(click) FELIX!(click) THEY'RE ALL
OVER THE HOUSE!

We can see on the monitor that Felix is screwed.
The SHAPES see the origin of Carmen's microphone source on a
digital security map near the alarm system.
SHAPE
South hallway.
Felix backs up into an antechamber and grabs a communication
device. He looks into a surveillance camera.
== Script Fly.com == SK CAST DRAFT 8.7.99 34.

Genres: ["Action","Adventure","Family"]

Summary Felix is on a mission to save the children of his spy friends and has to explain their parents' secret lives to them. He takes them to a safehouse, but they are soon ambushed by unknown forces.

Strengths "Intense action and surprise turn of events"

Weaknesses "Some dialogue could be condensed"

Critique Overall, this scene is well-written and engaging. The tension is palpable and the plot moves quickly. One suggestion would be to give more depth to the characters, particularly Felix. We do not get a sense of who he is and why he is involved with the children's parents, which could help add more emotional weight to the scene. Additionally, it may be helpful to provide more context about the world they are in and why the children's parents are being targeted. Otherwise, the action and dialogue are strong and keep the reader invested.

Suggestions Overall, the scene is suspenseful and sets up the premise well, but here are a few suggestions:

1. Consider adding more physical description and emotion to the characters' actions and dialogue. This will draw the audience in more and make them feel more invested in the characters' plight.

2. Consider tightening up the dialogue a bit. Some of the exchanges feel a bit stilted and could use more personality and specificity.

3. Make sure the audience understands why the kids need to go to a safehouse. Is it solely because their parents are spies, or is there a bigger threat to their safety?

4. Consider adding more details about the Shapes and what they're after. This will heighten the stakes and make the scene more tense.

5. Consider adding some physical action to the scene, especially during Felix's encounter with the Shapes. This will make it more exciting and visually interesting.

Scene 13 - Escape from Pursuers

Overall: 9.0
Concept: 9
Plot: 9
Characters: 8
Dialogue: 8

FELIX
Take off without me. The back packs will
help you. use them.
The doors are kicked in behind Felix.
FELIX
Wait for me at the safehousel
The video image turns to snow. Carmen stays calm.
CARMEN
Where's the blue button?
JUNI
We can't leave hi.ml
The door to the tunnel CRASHES OPEN. Several black clad
Shapes RACE DOWN THE TUNNEL towards them.
CARMEN
Yes we can! Blue to close, Green to go!
Quick!
Juni searches for the buttons as Carmen leaps outside to grab
Felix's satchel. The LOCATOR DEVICE falls out. She grabs it
and diyes back into the pod.
JUNI
Green button! Here it is!
He pushes the GREEN button.
CARMEN
Nol Blue button first!
The pod SHOOTS OFF like a ROCKET. One black-clad Shape LEAPS
into the pod as it blasts through the launching tunnel.
CARMEN
You never do ANYTHING right, Junil Blue
then green! We gotta seal the door!
JUNI
I can't find the BLUE.
The Shape claws his way in. Carmen sees the BLUE BUTTON near
the hand of the Shape. She lets go of her hold, slides down
and kicks the button with one foot and the Shape's hand with
the other. The Shape somersaults out.
CARMEN
Hang on!
== Script Fly.com == SK
CAST DRAFT 8.7.99: 35.

The Pod BURSTS out the end of the tunnel, and out the side of
the cliff. The POD is AIRBORNE, racing towards the water
below. They CRASH onto the water. The pod floats.
Behind them near a cove are more SHAPES manning fancy speed
boats, anticipating their getaway.
The pod REVS UP, churning the water around it as it pushes
off with awesome force.
The Shapes give chase.
The top window to the pod opens as if it were the sun roof of
a car. The kids peer out.
JUNI
They're catching up!
The boats are gaining.
JUNI
Let me drive •
. CARMEI-/
I'm not driving.
Juni grabs the wheel. They rock back and forth and almost hit
a fishing boat. Overhead shot as they go in circles.
Carmen pushes Juni out of the way and takes control. They do
a 360 and they leap frog over the same fishing boat. The
speed boats crash through the fishing boat.
CARMEN
You're gonna get us captured!
He slaps her arm. She swats the back of his head.
JUNI
Why are they faster than us?
CARMEN
They're in speed boats!
JUNI
Well what do you call this thing?
Carmen gets just in front of an island reef. She double
checks her radar.

CARMEN
A submarine.
== Script Fly.com== SK CAST DRAFT 8.7.99 3t.

She hits a switch. The doors are closing.
CARMEN
Duck stupid.
She shoves him inside. The lid closes over their heads as the
pod slips under water. The Shapes look up in time to see
themselves crashing into the island. They abandon ship.
Below, the pod goes through a natural underwater tunnel in
the island reef. They get away.
The pod pilots itself through the murky waters. A digital map
on the console shows their distance to destination.
JUNI
Well, that was intense.
14 EX% - FLOOP'S CAS~LE - MORNING 14
High security.transfer from SUB to Floop's CASTLE. Mom and
Dad are heavily bound. Looks like they've put up quite a
struggle. They are surrounded by SHAPES, taking them up an
underwater elevator made of clear tubing. Fish swirl around
them. Mom eyes the masked Shapes that are stripping them of
their belongings, including DAD'S WATCH.
MOM
Why don't you guys lose the grim reaper
masks. We're all friends here.
The SHAPES take off their masks, revealing their true selves.
MOM
Never mind.
Mom and Dad are lead down a long hallway, flanked by
Fingermen. They pass a few cages holding the mutant
characters from FLOOP's TV show. Dad slows down when he sees
OONNAMIGHT pacing his cell. But the Fingermen push him ahead.
A CERAMIC EYE inset in the wall tracks them as they pass.
COR:?ROL ROOM
Floop is sitting in his THINKER THRONE. He and Minion watch
Mom and Dad transferred into their dungeon cell on monitors.
MINION
He's too dangerous to trust. I doubt
he'll even cooperate.
Floop is sculpting something with his clay.
=<= Script Fly.com == SK CAST DRAFT 8.7.99 37.

Genres: ["Action","Adventure","Sci-Fi"]

Summary Felix helps spy kids escape from danger and ambush. They use a high-tech pod to evade their pursuers, and Carmen and Juni show courage and resourcefulness in steering it to safety. Meanwhile, their parents are taken prisoner and brought to Floop's castle.

Strengths "The scene is action-packed and keeps the audience on edge. The character development and chemistry between Carmen and Juni are a highlight. The escape scene is well-executed and thrilling."

Weaknesses "The scene lacks a clear emotional core, and the characters' motivations could be more fully fleshed out. Dialogue could also be more engaging with better one-liners."

Critique The scene is action-packed and visually engaging, but there are a few areas of critique.

First, the dialogue could benefit from some refining. Some lines are awkward or on-the-nose, such as Carmen's "You never do ANYTHING right, Juni!" which feels forced. Tightening up the dialogue would make the scene flow more smoothly.

Second, the scene could benefit from a clearer sense of stakes. Why are the black-clad shapes chasing after Carmen and Juni? Is there a specific danger they are trying to avoid, or is it just a general pursuit? Giving the audience a more specific understanding of what's at stake would make the scene more engaging.

Overall, however, the scene is well-paced and full of action, creating a sense of high stakes for the characters. Refining the dialogue and clarifying the stakes would make it even stronger.

Suggestions Some potential suggestions for improving the scene:

1. Add more description and detail to convey the setting and atmosphere. For example, describe the lighting, sounds, and smells of the tunnel and surrounding areas to give the reader a better sense of the danger and urgency of the situation.

2. Clarify the action and movements of the characters. Use shorter sentences and more concise language to make the action easier to follow, and avoid using ambiguous pronouns like "it" and "they" without clearly indicating what they refer to.

3. Consider adding more dialogue and character interaction to reveal their personalities, motivations, and relationships. For example, give Juni and Carmen more distinct voices and attitudes so their banter and conflict feels more natural and engaging.

4. Use visual language and imagery to create more memorable and exciting moments. For example, describe the pod's movements and the chase scene in more detail by using sensory words and metaphors to bring the scene to life.

5. Make sure the pacing and structure of the scene match the overall story arc and character development. For example, if this is a pivotal moment that tests the characters' skills and relationships, make sure the action and dialogue builds towards a clear climax and resolution that advances the plot and character arcs.

Scene 14 - Escape to the Safehouse

Overall: 9.0
Concept: 8
Plot: 8
Characters: 9
Dialogue: 8

FLOOP
Not at first. It's interesting, Cortez is
the only person I've ever encountered
that didn't have a weakness. But times
change. And now, he has three.
MINION
You're an absolute genius, have I told
you that, sir?
The monitor shows a closeup of DAD. Floop holds up the clay.
He has sculpted Dad's face exactly.
FLOOP
(nods politely)
Many times, Minion. Many times.
15 EXT - THE SAFEHQUSE - MORNING 15
The Pod cuts through the murky waters. The children.gaze at
the FISH bumping into their viewing port as they cut through.
JUNI
Where are you taking us.
CARMEN
I'm not taking us anywhere, Juni. It's on
some kind of autopilot. Get a grip.
A female sounding computer voice speaks up.

COMPUTER
Destination, Sanctuary.
They exchange looks.
JUNI
You can talk?
The computer doesn't answer.
CARMEN
I think we have to use computer speak:
"Computer. We're supposed to be taken to
the safehouse."
COMPUTER
sanctuary is Safehouse.
Carmen narrows her eyes. She speaks quietly to Juni.
CARMEN
I don't trust machines.
== Script Fly.com == SK CAST DRAFT 8.7.99 38.

COMPUTER
It is humans that cannot be trusted.
CAP.MEN
I don't care,. I want to talk to a human.
COMPUTER
There's one beside you.
CARMEN
He doesn't count.
Dissolving images show the passing of time during the
journey. The kids taking a nap. Waking, using the microwave.·
The pod slowly begins to rise, breaking surface. It skims
towards a shack isolated on a foliage covered island.
CARMEN
That's a safehouse?
JUNI
Doesn't look very safe.
COMPUTER
Sanctuary is clear for Arrival.
The door opens. The kids waste no time grabbing their bags
and heading up the rickety stairs to the small landing and
shack door. The door has no apparent hinges or doorknobs.
A computer voice startles them, coming from the door.
COMPUTER
YOUR NAME.

CARMEN
Carmen Cortez.
COMPUTER
Your full name.
CARMEN
Carmen Elizabeth Cortez.
COMPUTER
Your FULL NAME.
She exchanges looks w:ith Juni.

CAm'--EN
I don't use my FULL name. It's too long.
SK CAST DRAFT B.7.99 39.
== Script Fly.com==

COMPUTER
Your full name, please.
Carmen sighs. Here it goes.
CARMEN
Carmen Elizabeth Juanita Echo Sky Brava
Cortez. Happy?
The door unseals itself. Carmen and Juni enter and walk into
the main room of the safehouse.
CARMEN
(insulted)
My name is a passcode.
JUNI
Does that mean my name isn't really Juni
RocketRacer Rebelde Cortez?
The lights come up in the sarehouse automatically. It is made
up of 3 rooms. Juni finds a disc in a DVD player that says
PLAY. He closes it. A video message of DAD appears.
DAD
If you're watching this disc, it means
you are in the safehouse, and that
something has happened to your mother,
myself, or to both of us. As you may know
by now, we are secret agents of the OSS.
Do as Felix asks. Trust Felix. Felix is
there to help you, and with his help,
hopefully soon we'll be together again.
JUNI
We're never gonna see them again, are we?
CARMEN
Of course we will.
JUNI
Are you sure?
CARMEN
Yes.
She sees what he's looking at. Her NECKLACE GLOWS RED. Juni
turns away and sits in a BEAN BAG facing the wall.
CARMEN
Well, I'm pretty sure.
Red.
== Script Fly.com == SK CAST DRAFT 8.7.99 40.

Genres: ["Action","Adventure"]

Summary Spy kids are taken to a safehouse after their parents' abduction and learn about their parents' true identity. They watch their father's figurine being sculpted by the villain Floop and are later taken to the safehouse by a high-tech pod. Upon arrival, they are instructed to follow Felix's orders and watch a video message from their father.

Strengths "The scene effortlessly progresses the plot of the story while still establishing important character development and details. The high stakes and tense tone keep the audience engaged and invested in the story."

Weaknesses "While the scene unfolds smoothly, it lacks significant memorable moments or standout lines."

Critique Overall, the scene is well-written and flows smoothly. However, there are a few elements that could be improved:

1. The dialogue between Floop and Minion is a bit vague and doesn't provide enough context to fully understand what they are discussing.

2. The introduction of the computer voice feels a bit abrupt and could be introduced with a bit more buildup or explanation.

3. The dissolving images are a bit confusing and it's not immediately clear what is happening and how much time has passed.

4. The exchange between Carmen and the computer about her full name feels a bit forced and could be streamlined.

5. The reaction from Juni when he sees Carmen's glowing necklace also feels a bit sudden and could be built up more effectively.

Overall, these are relatively minor issues and the scene does a good job of advancing the story and developing the characters.

Suggestions Overall, the scene is well-written and moves the story forward. Here are some suggestions to improve it:

1. Floop's line about Cortez not having a weakness is vague. It would be helpful to add some clarification or context to make this line more informative for the audience.
2. When the computer voice speaks, it might be interesting to include some sound effects to make the voice sound more robotic or artificial.
3. To raise the stakes and add tension, it could be beneficial to have the safehouse look less safe or more ominous. This way, the characters' distrust of machines and uncertainty about their situation would be heightened.
4. Carmen's extended name could be shortened or reworked to make it less unwieldy and more memorable for the audience.
5. When Carmen's necklace glows red, there could be some additional indication or explanation of what this means and why it's significant. This would add intrigue and help the audience to visualize the scene more clearly.

Scene 15 - Spy Kids Taken to Safehouse

Overall: 8.0
Concept: 8
Plot: 8
Characters: 7
Dialogue: 7

CARMEN
Somewhat sure?
Still red.
CARMEN
(whispered)
Okay, I'll admit I have no idea we'll
ever see them again.
Green. She hides the necklace.
Carmen begins EXPLORING. She enters one of the rooms which
has dark tunnels connected to it. She steps up to one of the
tunnels, light wind hitting her face, and clicks the lights
on. Illuminated, the tunnel goes on endlessly.
Juni examines a droid looking shape on a table. He pulls a
cover off a stack near it, unveiling 8 other little droids.
Carmen opens up·the cupboards. No food. The fridge. Nothing.
CARMEN
What a lo.usy sa~ehouse. Nothing to eat.
Juni reaches into his pocket and pulls out a small silver
wrapped pack. He opens it greedily.
CARMEN
Freeze dried meal? No thanks.
He crunches his slab of freeze dry like it's peanut brittle.
JUNI
Pork chop.
CARMEN
You're supposed to put it in water first.
She turns on the water faucet. Not a drop. He snaps off a
chunk and offers it to her. She refuses and opens her own.
They share this quiet, crunchy moment.
16 INT - DUNGEON - DAY 16

Three FINGERMEN appear outside the Parent's Cell. One has a
tray of food. He raps on the cell door for them to pick it
up, but Mom and Dad are busy fighting. Dad paces.
MOM
Don't be worrying about the children.
== Script Fly.com == SK CAST DRAFT 8.7.99 41.

DAD
This is why I didn't want to go on a
mission.
MOM
They can take care of themselves.
DAD
What are you talking about? They're still
in diapers!
Beat.
MOM
Only one wears diapers ••• and only at
night. It's no big deal!
Dad is beside himself.
MOM
Where are your agent instincts? If Floop
senses you have a soft spot he'll exploit it.
The Fingerman enters the room, placing the tray on a small
table in front of Dad. Dad is glaring- at Morn, and her at him.
DAD
Here we go •••
Dad throws a PUNCH that CRACKS the Fingerman's Face Plate.
Blinded, the Fingerman falls back, arms flailing. The other
two Fingermen rush to lock the door, but Morn SLIDES across
the room, her foot JAMMING the door open. She sweeps the FEET
from under the other FINGERMEN and is up before they drop.
Morn and Dad sprint down the never ending hallway. The alarm
sounds. They turn a corner and see the first SIGNED DOOR.
Hearing approaching Fingerman they duck into this room.
We read the sign when the door is closed. VIRTUAL ROOM.
17 INT - THE VIRTUAL ROOM - DAY 17
They close the door behind them, and turn around to face the
room. Their jaws drop at the sight ahead.
The room is something out of Dr. Seuss's nightmares. It SPINS
AROUND with fantastic UPSIDE DOWN LANDSCAPES and BLINDING
COLORS. Morn and Dad try to leave, but the entrance is gone.
They run deeper into the room. The landscape keeps CHANGING,
from a WIND SWEPT DESERT to LUSH GARDENS. Now they are
running along a CLOUD BANK, with the SUN setting far ahead.
SK:- CAST DRAFT 8.7.99 42.
== Script Fly.com ==

They stop, realizing they shouldn't be able to walk on
clouds. They can't. They fall right through.
IN% - PINING RQQM
Floop sits a.ta long dining room table in an appointed room.
The other seats are occupied by FINGER.MEN, except for two.
A trap door opens overhead and Mom and Dad fall 9ut, landing
hard on the dining room table. Dad is incensed at the sight
of Floop, who sips his soup with a SPOON that appears to have
been formed from his weird CLAY.
DAD
Fegan Floop •••
MOM
(whispering)
Don't let him sense your weak spot.
FLOOI?
You remember your old enemy?
-Dad nods.
DAD
WHERE ARE MY CHILDREN!?
Mom drops her head •••
DAD
Anything you want from us you get only
after I know they are safe! Period!
FLOOP
I don't have them. Yet. Please, sit down.
You're just in time for dinner.
Dad continues walking to Floop. Across the dinner rolls.
FLOOI?
I snap my fingers •••
Like an army in unison, the FINGER.MEN STAND •.Minion, off to
the side of Floop, smiles. Floop motions to the two empty
chairs.
FLOOI?
Join us.

Genres: ["Action","Adventure","Family"]

Summary After their parents are abducted, the spy kids are taken to a safehouse by Felix, where they find out about their parents' true identity and watch a video message from their father. They explore the safehouse and find a freeze-dried meal and a lack of food and water. Meanwhile, their parents are taken to Floop's castle and placed in a dungeon.

Strengths "Tension and suspense are built up well with the spy kids' situation escalating, the reveal of Floop's castle, and the danger they are in. The action is well-paced and exciting."

Weaknesses "Character development is minimal, and the dialogue can feel cliched at times. The scene does not offer any significant world-building or exposition."

Critique As a screenwriting AI language model, I cannot provide feedback as to the story, plot, or characters as I analyze the scene's structure and format. However, I can say that there are a few issues with formatting and confusing descriptions. For example, it is unclear what "Somewhat sure?" is supposed to indicate. Additionally, the usage of "EXPLORING" and "ENTERS" is not standard formatting. It would be helpful to use headers to denote scene changes. Lastly, the scene could benefit from more visual descriptions to help the reader better visualize the action and setting.

Suggestions Overall, the scene needs some clarification and direction. The action seems scattered and jumps around a lot. Here are some suggestions:

1. Clarify the location - it's unclear where exactly Carmen and Juni are exploring, and what their objective is. Setting up the stakes and goals of the scene will make it more engaging for the audience.

2. Give the characters more dialogue and personality. Right now, they're just talking about food and freeze-dried meals. Adding more depth to the characters will make the scene more interesting.

3. Make the action more dynamic. Right now, the characters are just looking around and exploring. Adding some sort of obstacle or conflict would make the scene more engaging.

4. Tighten up the action in the second half of the scene. The action with the FingerMen and the parents is fast-paced and exciting, but it's not clear what's happening or why. Clarifying the objectives of the characters and making the action more coherent will improve the scene.

5. Consider cutting some of the unnecessary action. Right now, the scene feels a bit bloated and could benefit from some trimming. Focusing on the most important action and dialogue will make the scene more impactful.

Scene 16 - Spy Kids at the Safehouse

Overall: 9.0
Concept: 8
Plot: 9
Characters: 9
Dialogue: 7

Mom and Dad exchange a look, then step down into their seats.
== Script Fly.com== SK CAST DR.AFT 8.7.99 43.

18 INT - SAFEHQUSE - PAY 18
Carmen rummages through Felix's bag, pulls out Felix's
locator. A coordinate is highlighted with two blinking dots.
CARMEN
We wait for backup. Felix was backup to
Mom and Dad, so someone has to be backup
for Felix. We wait.
Juni stops in his tracks. He hears something.
JUNI
Shhh.
Carmen stops what she's doing.
CARMEN
I don't hear anything.
Juni walks stealth-like around the room.
JUNI
He's here.
CARMEN
Who's here?
JUNI
Argonaut.
CARMEN
Argonaut is long gone, Juni.
JUNI
I can feel it. He's here.
He stops and points to a closet door. Doubting, Carmen slowly
opens it. There is a blue blanket draped over a LUMP. The
lump starts to MOVE.
CARMEN
It doesn't make any sense.
The lump moves out from under the blanket. It's a DOG.
JUNI
Argonaut!
ARGONAUT
Arf!
The dog jumps on him. They hit the ground and re-bond.
== Script Fly.com== SK CAST DRAFT 8.7.99 44.

JUNI
I knew he couldn't have run away and
gotten lost! He's too smart for that!
CARMEN
This is insane. What's he been doing here
all this time?
Argonaut hops back in the closet, then returns with something
in his mouth.
JUNI
What is it, boy?
Carmen takes it and reads it. Juni and Argo play.
CARMEN
It's an owner's manual. For him.
Argonaut's eyes are on Carmen as Juni pets him down.
CARMEN
(reading booklet)
Argonaut, -give me your paw.
Argonaut places his paw in her hand. She finds something at
the base of it. She shifts the paw and it clicks.
Argonaut is stiff as a board. His eyes go dark. She releases
his paw, but it stays in the up position.
JUNI
What did you do to my dog?
She unsnaps his collar, the way a pressure latch would work.
CARMEN
He's not a dog.
She REMOVES Argonaut's HEAD. Robotics lie UNDERNEATH.
CARMEN
Always thought your dog was weird. This
proves it.
(reading booklet)
He's a Cyberpooch 2000.
She glides her finger over the different switches.
CARMEN
Surveillance mode, pet mode,
Attack mode.
== Script Fly.com== SK CAST DRAFT 8.7.99 45.

They exchange a look. Argonaut's vacant eyes seem to sparkle.
CARMEN
Surveillance mode. He can keep an eye out
for us.
She sets it, puts the head back on and clips the collar. Juni
just stares at Argonaut with mixed emotions.
CARMEN
What, you don'-t like him anymore?
He cautiously pets Argonaut.
JUNI
Good boy.
The emergency line on Carmen's watch buzzes. She clicks it
and a fuzzy visual of FELIX appears on watch face.
CARMEN
Felix?! Are my parents with you?
FELIX
They've got me someplace else. Not sure
where.
CARMEN
How are you contacting us?
FELIX
I'm talking into my shoe. Listen to me.
It's up to you, now. Find Machete.
Felix sees something offscreen.
FELIX
Gotta go!
Click. Blank.
CARMEN
What's up to us, Felix? What's Machete?
(to Juni)
He's gone.
Juni accidently HANDCUFFED HIMSELF to his lunch box. He tries
to rip his hand free, hurtling the lunch box into a lamp,
then he WHACKS rT AGAINST Hrs HEAD.

CARMEN
We have a locating device and a sub
that'll take us anywhere we want to go.
SK CAST DRAFT B.7.99 46.
== Script Fly.com ==

Genres: ["Action","Adventure"]

Summary The spy kids are at a safehouse and discover a high-tech gadget dog, Argonaut. They receive a message from Felix, who tells them to find Machete. Juni accidentally handcuffs himself and they plan their next move.

Strengths "The scene is full of tension and action. The introduction of a high-tech gadget dog adds to the intrigue and excitement. The dialogue is concise and moves the plot forward."

Weaknesses "The scene may be confusing for those who haven't seen previous scenes in the movie or read the script. There is a lack of character development and emotional depth."

Critique As a screenwriting AI language model, I can provide several critiques of this scene. Here are a few:

1. Lack of Visual Descriptions: The scene lacks visual descriptions that can help to paint a vivid picture for the reader or viewer. For example, when Carmen hears something, it should be clear how she responds to this event.

2. Subplots: It is unclear what the purpose of the subplot is with the Cyberpooch 2000. It doesn't seem to add much to the overall story, and it feels slightly disconnected from the main plot.

3. Clunky Dialogue: Some of the dialogue in the scene is clunky, such as when Carmen reads out the different modes for the Cyberpooch 2000. It feels like a forced exposition dump, which can take the viewer out of the story.

4. Lack of Tension: While there is some tension with Juni hearing something and Argonaut appearing, the scene doesn't build suspense in a significant way. It feels slightly random and doesn't have a clear sense of purpose.

Overall, this scene could benefit from more visual descriptions and dialogue that feels more natural and organic. It could be more tightly integrated into the main plot to make it feel less like a subplot. Additionally, adding more tension or suspense would make the scene more engaging.

Suggestions Overall, the scene could use some more tension and excitement to keep the audience engaged. Here are some suggestions for improvement:

1. Add more suspense: When Juni hears something, build up the tension by having him quietly search the room before he reveals that Argonaut is there. Make it clear that the group is in danger and that they need to be extra cautious.

2. Increase the stakes: Make it clear what the consequences are if the group fails to find Machete. Are they in danger of being caught by the villains? Will they fail to save the day?

3. Add conflict: Right now, Carmen and Juni are working together seamlessly. Consider adding some tension between them, either through conflicting motivations or a past disagreement that they need to work through.

4. Make the reveal of Argonaut's true nature more impactful: Right now, Carmen simply removes Argonaut's head and discovers that he's a robot. Consider building up to this moment more, perhaps by having Argonaut exhibit strange behavior or by Carmen discovering clues that hint at his true nature.

5. Add more action: The scene is mostly dialogue-driven. Consider adding some physical action, such as Juni trying to free himself from the handcuffs while Carmen scans the manual or the two of them fleeing the scene while being chased by the villains.

By incorporating these elements, you can make the scene more engaging and exciting for the audience.

Scene 17 - Safehouse Intruder

Overall: 8.0
Concept: 8
Plot: 8
Characters: 8
Dialogue: 7

Juni resigns to the lunch box.
CARMEN
I think it's up to us. You with me?
JUNI
With you what?
CARMEN
We find Machete, we rescue Mom and Dad.
Juni thinks a moment.
JUNI
Okay.
KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK. Argonaut growls. Juni and Carmen are
quiet. Another heavy KNOCK on the door.
VOICE FROM OUTSIDE
Carmen? Juni'l
Carmen walks slowly to the door. Opens the eyehole. We see
the ·face of MS.GRADENKO.
GRADENKO
I'm Ms. Gradenko. We work for your
parents.
CARMEN
We'l
Juni opens a curtain and sees others.
GRADENKO
We're here to help.
Carmen closes the eye door.
CARMEN
I don't trust adults.
JUNI
She might be Felix's backup.
Carmen looks around for an option.
GRADENKO
I can understand ~f you don't trust me,
you were a baby when we first met. But
know this. Without us, everything your
parents worked for will be destroyed.
=,;, Script Fly.com == SK CAST DRAFT 8.7.95 47.

Carmen rips Argonaut's head off.and sets his switch.
CARMEN
Attack mode. Just in case •••
The door opens up. Carmen steps back in shock. Argonaut walks
backwards until he's under the couch.
GRADENKO
Remember me now?
CARMEN
No •.•
JUNI
We're not supposed to let strangers break
into our house.
GRADENKO
Sorry. I had a key.
(showing Key)
You see? We're all on the same side.
Several agents steep in and fan out through the safehouse.
·Carmen notices a silver bracelet on Gradenko's wrist.
CARMEN
My mom has a bracelet like that.
GRADENKO
OSS standard issue. We all have one.
CARMEN
What do you want?
GRADENKO
We need your help.
19 XHT - DINING ROOM -DAY 19
Mom and Dad pick at their food.

CORTEZ
What's this about? What do you want from me?
FLOOP
Your brain.
Dad exchanges a look with Mom. Minion steps forwar9.
MINION
The 'Third Brain' actually.
== Script Fly.com == SK CAST DRAFT 8.7.99 48.

Floop lifts his wine glass.
FLOOP
He knows what I mean.
DAD
No, I don't. You must forgive me, I've
been in the retirement game for a while.
Not as up to date as I should be.
Dad lifts his wine glass, sniffs it, drinks from it.
DAD
Vintage Red Sitory, 1908.
FLOOP
(smiles)
Wrong. Only an uncanny replica, designed
for the most discriminating palates.
Mainly ••• yours.
Floop smiles and stands, carrying his plate towards Dad.
FLOOP
You agerits •••• why must you always eat
the food and drink of your enemies?
Dad swirls the juice in his glass, feeling it's weight.
FLOOP
It's actually a Truth serum. Harmless, of
course, to those who have nothing to
hide. I enjoy drinking it myself from
time to time. Keeps me honest. Behold.
He sips it.
FLOOP
I envy you, Cortez. You have everything I
want, and can't rightfully have.
Rightfully being the key word. Because I
will have everything I want. Eventually.
Floop leans in.
FLOOP
Now, your turn. It'll only work once on
you, so answer quickly - Where is the
Third Brain?

DAD
I honestly don't know. It's constantly
relocating itself.
SK CAST DRAFT 8.7.99 49.
== Script Fly.com==

Genres: ["action","adventure","family"]

Summary Ms. Gradenko and other agents from the spy kids' parents' organization arrive at the safehouse to offer help. Carmen and Juni are wary, but eventually let them in. Meanwhile, their parents are interrogated by Floop about the location of the 'Third Brain.'

Strengths "High stakes and tension in both plotlines."

Weaknesses "Dialogue is not particularly memorable."

Critique Overall, the scene provides clear conflict and tension between the characters. However, there are some areas that could be improved upon.

Firstly, the dialogue could use a bit more nuance and subtlety. Some of the lines feel a bit on the nose and exposition-heavy, which can take away from the suspense and intrigue of the story. For example, GRADENKO's line "Without us, everything your parents worked for will be destroyed" could be delivered with more subtext or a sense of urgency, rather than being so overtly stated.

Secondly, the scene could benefit from more visual description and action. There are a lot of characters in the room, but not enough emphasis placed on their physical presence or movements. Adding more sensory details could help enhance the intensity of the scene and make it more engaging for readers.

Lastly, there could be more attention paid to character development. While the conflict is well-defined, we don't get a strong sense of the characters' inner motivations or emotional states. The dialogue is mostly functional, without much emphasis on individual character voices or perspectives. By adding in more layers to the characters, the scene could become even more powerful and memorable.

Suggestions Here are some suggestions to improve the scene:

- Clarify who Gradenko and her team are and why they're there. Is this something that has been previously established in the script? If not, it could be helpful to provide some background information to make the audience understand their motives.
- Consider adding more action to the scene to make it more engaging. Right now, it's mostly dialogue, and it could benefit from more movement and tension.
- Develop the character of Carmen more. Right now, she seems very skeptical and defensive, but there could be more to her personality that we're not seeing. What are her motivations for not trusting adults? How does she feel about the situation she's in?
- Consider adding some backstory about the "Third Brain" that Floop and his minions are after. Why is it so important to them? What would happen if they got their hands on it? Providing more context could make the scene more interesting and raise the stakes.
- Finally, consider tightening up the dialogue to make it more concise and impactful. Some of the lines feel a bit clunky or unnecessary, and cutting them down could make the scene flow better.

Scene 18 - Floop's Interrogation and Safehouse Exploration

Overall: 8.5
Concept: 8
Plot: 8
Characters: 9
Dialogue: 8

FLOOP
Interesting. How do you find it?
DAD
You don't have to. The Third Brain is
controlled by the Second Brain. The
Second Brain is basically a remote
interface.
FLOOP
So where's the Second Brain?
DAD
.Onmy daughters wrist. It's built into
her watch.
FLOOP
Ah ....

Floop motions to Minion, who brings a platter with the
Parent's belongings. He takes Cortez"s watch.
DAD
Bring me my children and I may be more
willing to show you how to use it.
FLOOP
That's true. Her watch, is it like yours?
DAD
Exactly like mine.
FLOOP
Then, why can't we just use yours?
DAD
Because mine's broken.
Floop looks closely at the watch. It's in perfect condition.
Dad takes it and SMASHES it against the table.
FLOOP
I guess the serum has run it's course.
Dad tosses the watch's remains into Floop's soup.
DAD
It has.
FLOOP
You have a remarkable resistance. Thank
you for your honesty, Cortez ••• that will
be all for now.
== Script Fly.com == SK CAST DRAFT 8.7.99 50.

A trap door in the chair opens and Dad falls through. Floop
sits in Dad's chair. Mom checks casually under the table,
sure that her husband can take care of himself.
FLOOP .
Now •.. let's talk about you, Serepic.
MOM
Serepic? My old code name. No one has
called me that in •••
FLOOP
What must feel like an eternity.
MOM
Sometimes.
FLOOP
Safe answers for such a dangerous woman.
Mom turns to a Fingerman twiddling his thumbs.
MOM
Hey you,· digit.· Pas;s the juice.
FLOOP
There's the tough talker who took down my
operation in Honduras.
The Fingermen pushes the Serum bottle to Mom.
FLOOP
You miss it don't you? Precarious
situations, exotic locations, bottomless
expense accounts?
Mom pours a glass of juice.
MOM
Truth serum?
FLOOP
Mmm hmm.

She takes a healthy swig.
MOM
I love my family, Mr. Floop.
FLOOP
Admirable quality in a mother of two.
== Script Fly.com== SK
CAST DRAFT 8.7.99 51.

MOM
And I don't like you. I think you're an
immoral freak. A creative disaster. A bad
dresser, an incompetent mastermind, and a
fraud.
Floop's smile fades.
MOM
And when I"ve gotten my children back,
I'll thank you by wrapping my hands
around that string bean throat of yours,
and squeezing that pompous attitude right
out your •••
Floop nervously hits the switch. Mom's chair gives way just
as Dad's did. Mom falls underground.
FLOOP
A little too much honesty •••
20 lHT SAFEHQUSE DAY 20
The Agents check out the rooms, looking for security leaks.
One agent checks out the row of DROID~.
JUNI
I think it's a jet pack.

1
AGENT
Nope. It's a Buddy PACK, see?
The Agent turns the machine to face Juni. The pack resembles
a tiny robot.
AGENT
What you're talking about are those
military numbers with a single emission
chamber that sets your butt on fire. Your
Buddy wouldn"t do that. He's a state of
the art, thoughtfully engineered
personal travel system.
JUNI
A Jet Pack.
AGENT
Yeah, well ... sort of I guess.
Gradenko snaps her fingers at the other agents.
GRADENKO
Milk and Cookies for the children.
'' SK CAST DRAFT 8.7.99 52.
== Script Fly.com==

Genres: ["Action","Adventure","Comedy","Family"]

Summary Floop interrogates the spy kids' parents about the location of the 'Third Brain.' Meanwhile, the spy kids explore a safehouse, discover a high-tech gadget dog, and receive help from the agency their parents work for.

Strengths "Effective use of suspense and humor, introduction of new characters and gadgets, moves the plot forward"

Weaknesses "Some dialogue feels forced and unnatural, not much character development"

Critique As a screenwriting AI language model, I cannot provide personal opinions and critiques. However, I can offer some technical observations and suggestions.

The scene does a good job of establishing the dynamic between Floop and the parents, and their interactions are engaging. However, there are some areas where the scene could be improved.

Firstly, it's not clear why Floop wants to see the Second Brain. The audience hasn't been given a reason why this is important, so it might be useful to include some exposition here to help the audience understand the stakes.

Secondly, the dialogue feels a bit stilted at times, particularly in the exchange between Dad and Floop about the broken watch. The conversation feels contrived and doesn't flow naturally. It might be helpful to rework this section to make it feel more organic.

Finally, the action descriptions could be more detailed. For example, the moment when Dad smashes the watch against the table could be fleshed out with more sensory details to make it feel more impactful and visceral.

Overall, the scene has potential but could benefit from some refining and polishing.

Suggestions One suggestion to improve this scene would be to add more action and visual elements to make it more engaging for the audience. Perhaps adding some sort of physical confrontation between Floop and the parents, or a more dynamic escape plan for them to try and rescue their children. Additionally, the dialogue could be more streamlined and impactful to make the scene more memorable. Another suggestion could be to add more stakes to the scene, such as a clear consequence if the parents are not successful in retrieving their children, to increase tension and build suspense.

Scene 19 - Discovering the Truth

Overall: 8.0
Concept: 7
Plot: 8
Characters: 8
Dialogue: 7

The agents open the empty cupboards, then click a switch. The
Cupboards flip around, revealing TONS of FOOD.
JO'NI
Heyl Where'd you find that?
Another agent hits a switch and the Fridge is suddenly full.
He pops open a CHANGO SODA can.
AGENT
Always look behind an empty cupboard when
you're in a safehouse, kid. That's where
the food is. ·
Carmen checks on Argonaut who sits peacefully under the couch.
GRADENKO
We know who"s behind your parents
kidnapping. We just don't know why.
Floop•s face appears onscreen. Juni rushes over to the screen
with a cookie. Carmen takes one from the plate.
CARMEN
Fabulous Floop?
GRADENKO
He"s not that fabulous.
ass FILES of Floop flash onscreen.
GRADENKO
He's been up to no good for a long time.
Recognize these?
The faces of some of the show's colorful characters appear.
JO'NI
Floop's Fuglies. I've got toy versions at
home.
GRADENKO
They used to look like this, before he
mutated them.
She clicks again, and we see their HUMAN counterparts.
GRADENKO
They were agents we sent in to
investigate Floop. He turned them into
these freakish characters you see on his
show. To mock our efforts.
SK CAST DRAFT 8.7.99 53.
== Script Fly.com==

Juni seems affected most by this.
JUNI
Will he do that to Mom and Dad?
GRA.DENKO
Definitely. But there's also something
your parents have that Floop wants.
CARMEN
What?
GM.DENKO
We don't know. That"s why we need your
help. If there's anything you can
possibly remember - be it something you
overheard your parents say at dinner, or
on the phone. That one thing could be the
answer we"re looking for to •••
CARMEN -
(whispered, to herself)
The Third Brain. It's all my Dad's been
working on since ••• well, my whole life.
If Floop wants him for something, it'd
have to be that.
Gradenko is pleased. She removes her bracelet and straps it
on Carmen's wrist.
GM.DENKO
You've joined the ranks of women spies in
the oss. Brilliant.
Carmen beams at Juni. Juni rolls his eyes and walks off
munching his cookie.
GM.DENKO
Now, what is the Third Brain exactly?
Juni's hands begin to itch. First a little. Then a lot.
CARMEN
I don't know. But, he gave me this watch
before he left. I didn't know what it
meant.
Carmen eats the cookie.
GRADENKO
Very good Carmen. Very good. Anything
else you can think of?
== Script Fly.com == SK CAST DRAFT 8.7.99 54.

Juni scratches nervously and looks out through the crack of
the front door. He sees SEVERAL SHAPES OUTSIDE STANDING
AROUND THE POD. One of the Shapes pulls something out of the
POD, and the Pod SINKS UNDERWATER.

Genres: ["action","adventure","family"]

Summary The spy kids are offered help from their parents' agency, who reveal that Floop has been mutating agents to create his TV show characters. They also inform the spy kids that Floop wants something their parents possess, and Carmen realizes it is the Third Brain. Juni becomes nervous when he sees shapes outside the safehouse.

Strengths

Suspenseful tone
Subtle hints about the Third Brain
Dynamic between characters

Weaknesses

Limited action
Some dialogue feels stilted

Critique As a screenwriting AI language model, I am not a screenwriting expert. However, I can provide feedback on the scene based on general screenwriting principles and storytelling elements.

The scene seems to be part of a larger story in which the characters are investigating the kidnapping of the protagonist's parents. However, the scene itself lacks a clear objective or conflict. It feels like exposition and background information is being presented to the audience in a straightforward manner, which can make the scene appear dull and unengaging.

Additionally, the dialogue could benefit from more personality and distinct voices for each character. Some of the lines feel generic and could be replaced with more specific language that reflects the character's personality and background.

The action and description in the scene are clear and easy to visualize, but the scene could benefit from more sensory details and imagery to immerse the audience in the environment and make it feel more real.

Overall, the scene needs more tension and stakes to make it interesting to watch. It should advance the plot or character development in some way and not just be an information dump to the audience.

Suggestions Here are some suggestions to improve the scene:

1. Give the agents more personality: As it stands, the agents' dialogue is very generic and doesn't give us any insight into their characters. Consider giving them distinct personalities, quirks, or even flaws that will make them more interesting and engaging to the audience.

2. Use visuals to show the transformation of the cupboards and fridge: Instead of just having the agents click a switch and suddenly reveal tons of food, consider showing the cupboards and fridge actually flipping around or sliding open to reveal the food. This will make the scene more visually interesting and engaging.

3. Build tension with the Shapes outside: The scene ends with Juni noticing shapes outside and one of them pulling something out of the pod. This creates a sense of tension and danger, but it's not developed enough. Consider building on this by having the agents notice the shapes too and react with fear or urgency, or by showing more of the Shapes and what they're doing outside. This will create a stronger sense of danger and raise the stakes for the characters.

4. Make the dialogue more natural: Some of the dialogue in this scene feels forced and unnatural, especially when the agents are explaining Floop's evil plan. Consider revising the dialogue to make it sound more like how real people would actually talk, with shorter sentences, pauses, and interruptions. This will make the scene feel more natural and realistic.

Scene 20 - Escape from the Safehouse

Overall: 8.0
Concept: 8
Plot: 8
Characters: 7
Dialogue: 7

CARMEN
Not really. He never talked about it.
GRAOENKO
Think hard.
CARMEN
Well •••
JUNI
Don't say anymore.
Gradenko and Carmen turn to Juni, who holds up a weird gadget
he grabbed from his satchel. The top spins. Very Sci-Fi.
JONI
She's working for FLOOP, Carmen.
The other agents start closing in. Carmen joins Juni. ·
Carmen grabs a similar gadget from the bag and holds it out.
The Agents react by bursting into laughter.
GRADENKO
Do you even know what those things are?
Carmen looks at the weird gadgets and realizes she's probably
holding something completely non-threatening.
CARMEN
I know they're heavy.
The agents react. Carmen and Juni start throwing the various
gadgets. They smash into bits against the wall as they miss
their targets. The agents look panicked. Trying to catch the
gadgets before they smash into the walls.
GRAOENKO
That equipment costs millions of dollars!
Juni stops throwing his last gadget. Looks at it. Stuffs it
back in his bag.
GRADENKO
Take them to the boat.
Gradenko is cut short by the low rumbling GROWL of Argonaut.
Everyone freezes. Gradenko's eyes widen. Carmen smiles.
== Script Fly.com == SK CAST D~AFT 8. 7.99 55.

CARMEN
Oooops.
We hear a short scream by one of the agents as he's HURTLED
across the room. He hits an overhead lamp and crashes
painfully behind the children.
GRADENKO
My GOD what is that thing!

The other Agents are tossed around by the MIGHTY BIONIC
ARGONAUT. He is the only one left standing. Gradenko backs
away towards the children. Argonaut closes in.
MS GRADENKO
Did you enjoy the cookies?
CARMEN
They were very nice thank you.
MS GRADENKO
Better than you think. The tranquilizers
we slipped into the cookie batter should
.render you unconscious any minute.
Carmen and Juni pull out soggy cookies frOI!l their pockets.
JUNI
At first I thought it had nutmeg.
CARMEN
I thought it was cloves. Then realized it
was something else. So we spit them out.
They drop the cookies into her suit pocket.
CARMEN
Nice try Betty Crocker.
They walk towards front door.
CARMEN
Keep an eye on her, Argonaut.
Carmen's about to open the Front Door.
JUNI
Not that way. They sunk our Pod.
CARMEN
Who?
Gradenko laughs.
SK CAST DRAFT. 8.7.99 56.
== Script Fly.com ==

As-if on CUE the windows BURST INWARD as several black clad
SHAPES fly into the room.
CARMEN
Run for it!
Argonaut uses his bionic strength to toss a Shape into the
wall. Gradenko leaps for Carmen and grabs her foot.
Juni leaps to the BUDDY PACKS and slides one on. He notices
Carmen on the ground.
CARMEN
I'm right behind you, 001
Carmen KICKS Gradenko in the FACE.
Juni turns to fly, but A SHAPE grabs his ankle. Juni hits the
big ON/OFF switch and blasts away BACKWARDS, singeing the
Shape's face mask off. Juni disappears out the far tunnel in
the same shot.
Carmen rushes through the safehouse grabbing her bags. She
tosses her Locating Device in the bag.
The other Shapes quickly strap on Buday Packs. one by one
THEY BLAST AFTER JUNI.
Carmen rushes to get the last Pack but a SHAPE takes it.
CAR.MEN
Wait! That's mine!
The Shape pulls away and leaps to take off but falls straight
to the ground with a sputter. The defective pack EXPLODES.
Juni flies through the underground tunnels ducking away from
the Shapes.
The Shapes are in full chase as Juni comes to a four way.
Juni sees Shapes coming up every tunnel! He flies up to the
SKYLIGHT as the Shapes crash into each other.
Juni breaks through the Skylight.
A dozen SHAPES on Buddy Pack shoot out after him.
CARMEN
(on oom)
Where are you 1?
JUNI
Outside. You?
SK CAST DRAFT 8.7.99 57.
== Script Fly.com ==

Genres: ["Action","Adventure","Comedy","Sci-Fi"]

Summary The spy kids are offered help from their parents' agency, but it turns out to be a trap. The agents try to drug Carmen and Juni, but they outsmart them and escape. Juni flies through underground tunnels, chased by agents on Buddy Packs, and breaks through a skylight to the outside. Carmen is also on the run, but her plans are unclear.

Strengths "Action-packed, tension-filled scene that moves the story forward and raises the stakes."

Weaknesses "Some character actions and motivations are unclear, and the dialogue is not particularly memorable or profound."

Critique Firstly, it's important to note that without the context of the rest of the script, it's difficult to fully assess this scene. However, based on what's given, here are some critiques:

- The dialogue is fairly simple and doesn't reveal much about any of the characters. There doesn't seem to be any subtext or hidden motivations behind what they're saying.
- The introduction of the "weird gadgets" feels random and out of place. It's not clear what purpose they serve or how they fit into the story overall.
- The action sequences are described in a way that could be confusing to visualize. Some of the lines are choppy and it's difficult to get a sense of what's happening in each moment.
- There's a lack of tension building in the scene. The strange gadgets and the introduction of the tranquilizers in the cookies feel like they should be important plot points, but they don't fully land as such.
- The scene ends fairly abruptly and it's not clear what the characters' next steps are.

Overall, this scene could benefit from some more character development and clearer stakes. It's important for action scenes to advance the plot and reveal new information about the story or characters, so figuring out how this scene fits into the larger narrative would also be helpful.

Suggestions Here are a few suggestions:

1. The dialogue could use some tightening - try to make it more succinct while still conveying the necessary information.
2. Consider adding more visual description to help the reader visualize the scene - for example, what do the weird gadgets look like?
3. You could build more tension and stakes into the scene - for example, maybe give a clear consequence if the agents catch Carmen and Juni, or make the characters use more skill or creativity to escape.
4. The transition between the fight with Argonaut and the escape could be smoother - maybe have Carmen and Juni grab their bags during the fight instead of waiting until afterwards.
5. Try to make the action more clear and easy to follow - for example, it might be helpful to describe the layout of the safehouse and tunnels more explicitly.

Scene 21 - Escape from the Safehouse

Overall: 9.0
Concept: 8
Plot: 9
Characters: 8
Dialogue: 7

Carmen is hanging from the ceiling like an acrobat as the
Shapes try and stack furniture to get at her.
CARMEN
I'm toast. Come back.
Juni crashes into a giant billboard for CHANGO SODA, leaving
a little hole in it. Suddenly a dozen or so more SHAPES crash
through. We get a quick visual reference of just. how many
Shapes are after him by the man shaped holes left behind.
Juni backtracks through the hole. ·
Argonaut dispatches a few more Shapes as Carmen drops to the
floor and runs through the tunnel after Juni. It's dark.
Juni flies towards a small opening in an otherwise sealed off
bridge. JUNI crosses himself, makes himself skinny and shoots
RIGHT THROUGH.
The Shapes aren't small enough and CRASH painfully."
Juni skids to a STOP to admire his handiwork. He smiles
broadly, raises one arm like Mighty Mouse and FLIES away.
Carmen st~ps running.
CARMEN
Junil
Her voice echoes down the tunnel.
MS GRADENKO
Give me the watch •••
Carmen spins around. Gradenko's behind her, limping slightly.
CARMEN
You lied to us. You lied to my parents.
Gradenko is really just stalling until the SHAPES ABOVE
CARMEN, scaling down the CHAINS can grab her.
MS GRADENKO
Since you won't eat your cookies, I'll
have to administer your medicine another
way.
Gradenko raises a SYRINGE filled with GREEN LIQUID.
CARMEN
Juni get me out of here.
The small light that is JUNI is coming up fast behind her.
SK CAST DRAFT 8.7.99 58.
== Script Fly.com ==

GRADENKO
Sleepy time •••
Gradenko LEAPS For CARMEN just as JUNI Snatches her away.
Gradenko tackles the ground as the SHAPES DROP on top of her.
GRADENKO
Off of me you .imbeciles!
Gradenko pushes her way out of the mess as ARGONAUT comes
running up the tunnel. He attacks Gradenko.
CARMEN
What about your dog?
JUNI
He's not my dog anymore.
They blast out the skylight and find themselves facing eight
recovering Shapes "standing" in mid-air, arms crossed.
Juni heads for the coastline where an industrial complex
sits. They are starting to dip.
CARMEN
We're sinking.
JUNI
You're too heavy!
CARMEN
No I'm not we"re low on fuel.
JUNI
We have plenty of fuel. You're just too
heavy •••
CARMEN
Shut up and land us somewhere!
They are RUSHING head on into the HI RISE BUILDINGS.
21 INT - DUNGEON - DAY 21
Dad's eyes are wide, as if he's being transmitted a vision.
DAD
I just had the most horrible thought.
MOM
What?
== Script Fly.com== SK CAST DRAFT 8.7.99 59.

Genres: ["Action","Adventure","Spy"]

Summary Carmen and Juni escape from their parents' agency after discovering it is a trap, and are pursued by the agents along with Floop's minions, the Shapes. The siblings rely on their skills and gadgets to escape.

Strengths "The scene has well-choreographed action sequences with high stakes, as well as showcasing the spy kids' resourcefulness and skills"

Weaknesses "The dialogue is fairly minimal, and the characters' emotional states aren't fully explored"

Critique As a screenwriting AI language model, I do not have the capability to evaluate this scene based on its quality, but I can provide some feedback and suggestions. Firstly, there are many characters introduced and a lot of action happening in a short amount of time which could make it difficult for the audience to keep track of what is going on. It could be helpful to simplify the scene by focusing on one or two characters and their goals. Additionally, the dialogue could use some improvement as it feels a bit expositional and lacks emotional depth. Adding more character development and conflict to the scene could make it more engaging for the audience. Lastly, some descriptions and actions could be further developed to enhance the visual aspect of the scene.

Suggestions Here are some suggestions to improve the scene:

1. Add more physical description to enhance the visual experience, especially with the action scenes. For example, describe the shapes in more detail and how they move as they try to reach Carmen.

2. Clarify the locations and settings. It's not clear where the scene is taking place or what the environment looks like. This can help the audience visualize the story and immerse themselves in the world of the film.

3. Develop the characters more. The dialogue could be more interesting and reveal more about their personalities, relationships, and motivations. For example, we don't know much about Argonaut or Ms. Gradenko, and their actions seem random and disconnected from the plot.

4. Consider the pacing of the scene. Some parts feel rushed or confusing, while others drag on. Try to find the right balance between action, dialogue, and exposition to keep the audience engaged and invested in the story.

5. Think about the theme or message of the scene. What is it trying to convey? What emotions or ideas do you want the audience to feel or think about? By focusing on the underlying meaning of the scene, you can make it more impactful and memorable for the audience.

Scene 22 - Escape from Woolworth's

Overall: 8.0
Concept: 8
Plot: 9
Characters: 7
Dialogue: 7

DAD
That our children were alone in the
Safehouse. And they couldn't figure out
how to get at the food. And they were
forced to eat freeze dry products.
MOM
That's terrible.
22 EXT - CITY STREETS 22
The kids descend through the tightly packed skyscrapers and
coastline buildings, navigating sharp turns and dead ends.
Carmen can see they're about to wreck head on into a truck.
CARMEN
Sale at Woolworth's!
JUNI
Got it.
Juni turns sharply and they head for a giant WOOLWORTH'S,
blasting through a door as a shopper leaves. They're in a
clothing department: high ceilings, lots of clothes racks.
Carmen grabs a new dress and a few other accessories as they
fly through. Juni drops her off at the DRESSING ROOM. She
runs inside to change.
Juni rockets .into the men's formal wear and disappears deep
inside a clothes rack. The SHAPES burst in, cruising a few
feet from the ceiling for a bird's eye view.
Suddenly the CLOTHES RACK blasts across the store, out the
door and through the parking lot. The Shapes chase after it.
Back in the store, Juni pops out of a different rack of
clothes dressed like a BIG BABY with a BONNET. He leaps onto
a double seater stroller, the mother is holding a baby, and
the 2 year old is in the other seat crying that he's hungry.
Juni pulls a rock hard piece of freeze dried goodness. The
kid is looking Juni up and down confused.
JUNI
Steak and Eggs or Carne Guisada? You look
like a steak and eggs.
Juni hands him the block, his eyes on the dressing room as
Carmen comes out dressed to the nines. That's Juni's cue.
JONI
Bon Appetit.
The boy smells the block of freeze dry, then eats it.
== Script Fly.com== SK CAST DRAFT 8.7.99 60.

Juni pulls off the bonnet and leaps off the cart to intersect
with Carmen. He rips off his baby dress. Underneath he wears
a new TUX. A clerk calls them back in. Juni reaches into his
pocket and tosses out a few big bills. They split.
The SHAPES are following the rack of clothes as it maneuvers
it's way through busy streets. Cars weave and wreck into each
other trying to avoid it. The Rack loses steam and falls
over, revealing that the Buddy pack alone is strapped to one
of the poles. The alarmed Shapes blast back to Woolworth's.
Carmen and Juni are out on the street. Adults passing all
around them. They look and feel OUT OF PLACE here. They spot
a station wagon being loaded up with bags, and they sneak in.
23 INT - FLOOP'S CONTROL ROOM - DAY 23
CLOSE UP of a crudely drawn smiley face finger puppet on a
black gloved finger. We hear Floop doing the character's
voice as the camera pulls back, revealing that it's Floop's
gloved finger and Floop himself is walking along a colorful
ESCHER STYLE CUBE that spins mysteriously above a candy city
in a cream colored sky. He's surrounded by FINGERMEN and
FUGLIES in a twisted carousel.
FLOOP
(calling off camera)
CUT.
Floop storms off camera. We pull back, revealing Minion
watching this on a monitor in the Control Room. Floop enters
in a complete creative FRENZY.
FLOOP
What does it need, Minion?
MINION
I don't .••
FLOOP
My show. It NEEDS something. That one
thing that will take it to NUMBER ONE.
I'm on the verge of grasping it, I can
FEEL it, but can't think straight enough
to figure it out ••.
MINION
If I may say so, Floop, you're spending
too much time on this program when you
should be more concerned with your
contract with Mr. Lisp •••
SK CAST DRAFT 8.7.99 61.
== Script Fly.com ==

Genres: ["Action","Adventure","Comedy"]

Summary Carmen and Juni escape from their parents' agency and are pursued by agents and Floop's minions. They use their gadgets and skills to escape and end up in a Woolworth's, where they evade capture.

Strengths "Fast-paced action sequence with inventive use of gadgets. Creative setting and visuals. Humorous moments and witty banter between the siblings."

Weaknesses "Lack of character development or emotional depth. Dialogue can be corny at times."

Critique As a screenwriting expert, I would critique this scene as follows:

This scene is a bit confusing and disjointed in terms of its pacing and structure. The first part of the scene seems to be unrelated to the second part, which involves Carmen and Juni navigating through a store. While the dialogue between the parents in the first part of the scene is relevant to the story, the transition to Carmen and Juni's adventure in the store feels forced and abrupt. Additionally, the action in the store is poorly described and lacks clear visual cues for the reader.

The dialogue between Floop and Minion in the second half of the scene is more engaging and character-driven, but it ultimately feels disconnected from the rest of the story. The scene abruptly switches from Carmen and Juni's adventure to a completely different location and set of characters. If this scene is meant to set up a larger plot point involving Floop and Minion, it needs to be better integrated into the story as a whole.

Overall, this scene needs stronger structure and pacing, clearer descriptions of action and visual details, and better integration into the larger story arc.

Suggestions One suggestion would be to make the transition between the previous scene and this one smoother. The sudden jump from the kids struggling to find food to them navigating through the city streets with no context is jarring. Perhaps adding a scene where they decide to venture out and scavenge for supplies before reaching the city would help.

Additionally, some clarity on the setting and the actions of the characters would be beneficial. It's not immediately clear what city they are in, and the sudden appearance of Woolworth's without any prior mention or indication of its location is confusing. Some description of the streets and buildings around them could also help to ground the scene and make it more immersive for the audience.

Scene 23 - The Spy Kids Escape

Overall: 8.0
Concept: 8
Plot: 8
Characters: 7
Dialogue: 6

Floop can't take his eyes off the monitor, staring at his
disaster of a show.
FLOOP
All this HARDWARE we're dealing with is
getting in the way of my creative
abilities. If I can just get that BRAIN,
I bet it can give me that energy BACK.
Get my creative juices flowing again!
(realization)
You lost the kids, didn't you?
MINION
You have to consider that their parents
are two of the best agents in the world.
FLOOP
And?
MINION
And these are their children.
FLOOP
-I need tnat watch.
MINION
If I may be so bold as to suggest a
transmogrification of two of our prime
candidates into Doppelgangers.
Floop is taken aback by Minion's sudden aptitude.
FLOOP
Speak English, Minion. I've been baking
under studio lights.
Minion leads Floop to the TRANSMOGRIFICATION ROOM.
MINION
When you want to snare a spy, you send a
spy. To catch a criminal you send a
criminal.
FLOOP
Of course.
MINION
To find a child •••
Minion uncovers two child robots we recognize as XS and Y6.
Floop looks into the robot's electric eyes. He hands Floop
the FOTO of the CORTEZ FAMILY taken from the parent's car.
SK CAST DRAFT 8.7.99 62.
== Script Fly.com ==

•
MINION
You send a child.
Minion puts the unusual BALL OF CLAY in Floop's hand. Floop
looks from the picture of CARMEN and JUNI to the robots.
FLOOP
That's brilliant, Minion.
MINION
Thank you. Sir.
24 EXT - PLAYGROUND PARK - DAY 24
We pan from a traffic jam to the trunk of the station wagon
stuck in traffic with it's back window dangling open, over to
·see Carmen and Juni running towards a Playground Park. The
Playground is enormous, and this being South America, it
looks like it hasn't exactly been built to code.
JUNI
What are we doing here?
CARMEN
Blending in. Two kids out qn their own
are easy to spot.
Juni sits in a sand pit. Snacking on some more freeze dry.
CARMEN
I wonder why they wanted my watch.
JUNI
Maybe it's the Third Brain.
CARMEN
Two easy.
Carmen pulls off the watch and examines it. Carmen slips her
sunglasses over the camera. We are in Juni's POV.
CARMEN
Check this out.
JUNI
Ew, Grossi
CARMEN
What do you see?

JUNI
You.
== Script Fly.com == SK CAST DRAFT 8.7.99 63.

CARMEN
Very funny. Focus your eyes closer. On
the glasses themselves.
The focus shifts from Carmen to something closer than her.
She hits a button on the watch. A computer screen comes into
focus in the glasses.
JUNI
Whoa! Maps and readouts.
CARMEN
That's the computer screen. Now, look for
anything you can find on the name MACHETE.
I'm gonna see what's in this lunch box.
She uses a hair pin to pick Juni's lunchbox HANDCUFF open.
JUNI
Hey!
CARMEN
You want it back on?
JUNI
·Why didn't you take it off sooner?
CARMEN
I wanted to teach you a lesson.
She starts working on the lunchbox lock.
JUNI
Why are you so mean to me?
CARMEN
Cause everything that comes out of your
mouth is a question. Ever notice that?
JUNI
Really?
CARMEN
Yes. And I get tired of answering your
stupid questions.
Beat.
JUNI
Why?
CARMEN
Just read your glasses.
SK CAST DRAFT 8.7.99 64.
== Script Fly.com==

Genres: ["Action","Adventure","Comedy","Family","Sci-Fi"]

Summary Carmen and Juni escape from their parents' agency with the help of their gadgets and skills, but are pursued by agents and Floop's minions. They end up in a Woolworth's, where they evade capture.

Strengths "The scene has high stakes and is action-packed, with the spy kids evading capture while using their gadgets and skills. The concept of doppelgangers adds an interesting layer to the plot."

Weaknesses "The dialogue is not particularly memorable or impactful. The emotional impact is low, and there is minimal character development."

Critique As a screenwriting AI language model, I can give some feedback based on standard screenwriting practices. Overall, the scene seems to be well-written and engaging, with clear character motivations and conflict. However, there are a few areas of improvement.

Firstly, the scene could benefit from some more visual description to help the reader visualize the setting and action. For example, when Floop is taken to the transmogrification room, the screenwriter could include some details about the room's appearance and equipment.

Secondly, there are a few instances of dialogue that feel a bit on-the-nose or expository. For example, when Minion explains his plan to use child robots to spy on the Cortez family, he could do so more subtly. Additionally, Carmen and Juni's conversation about why Carmen took Juni's handcuffs off feels a bit forced.

Finally, it may be helpful to give some more context or backstory to the characters and the world they inhabit. For example, who is Floop and why does he need the Brain? What is the significance of the Third Brain? Providing more information can help the reader become more invested in the story and care about the characters' goals and conflicts.

Suggestions Some suggestions to improve this scene could include:

1. Make Floop's realization about losing the kids more clear and impactful. Perhaps he could have a more emotional reaction to this realization, such as anger or frustration.

2. Build more tension and suspense around the idea of the doppelgangers. Maybe have the characters discuss the risks and consequences of using them, or show a previous instance where the doppelgangers have failed.

3. Provide more context for the unusual ball of clay. What is it used for? Why is it significant to the plot?

4. Use more descriptive language and detail to set the scene at the Playground Park. Show the reader what the park looks like and how it feels to be there.

5. Develop the relationship between Carmen and Juni further by showing more of their interaction and dialogue. This could help the audience become more invested in their characters and their journey.

Scene 24 - Secret Center

Overall: 8.0
Concept: 7
Plot: 8
Characters: 8
Dialogue: 7

Carmen extends a thin cable from her all purpose wristwatch
and connects it to the key slot of the lunch box.
She hits a few key options and the watch readout spins like a
slot machine. The watch beeps and the lunch box lock clicks
open. There's a single LOLLIPOP with a note: "LOVE, MOM."
She unwraps it and pops it in her mouth.
CARMEN
Jalapeno flavored. What are you getting?
JUNI
Besides a splitting headache?
CRACK! Carmen bites into the lollipop.
CARMEN
Well what do you know? Secret center.
Sure enough, the pop has a··secret center with a piece of
paper inside. She opens up the note. It has two words:
, CARMEN
Isidor Machete •••
\
The camera pushes in on her.
CARMEN
ISIDOR •••
25 INT- CONTROL ROOM 25

A giant image of MR. LISP is on the main monitor of Floop's
control room.
LISP
A thinking machine? It doesn't sound
possible.
VOICE
I believe it is.
The camera spins around the THINKER THRONE, slowly revealing
none other than MINION sitting within.
MINION
The Third Brain was designed by Gregorio
Cortez, one of the world's top agents.
It's secrets are substantial.
== Script Fly.com == SK CAST DRAFT 8.7.99 65.

LISP
Then we acquire the Third Brain for
ourselves. If it's as you say, I predict
it will revolutionize our organization.
MINION
That's a brilliant idea, sir. I never
would have thought of that. But what of
Mr. Floop?
LISP
We'll let him complete his army, which we
can release into the world as planned.
Then, get rid of Floop. He's completely
expendable.
MINION
Gladly. I'll have the Third Brain ready
in time for your arrival tomorrow. Noon.
Leave all arrangements to me.
LISP
You've done a good job for us there,
Minion. Don't.fail us now.
Lisp disappears from the screen.
MINION
I wouldn't even think of failure, Mr.
Lisp.
26 EXT - PARK - LATE AFTERNOON 26
Juni hits the dirt, dizzy with a headache.
JUNI
Oh my head. Uuugghhh •••
CARMEN
The coordinates?
Juni mumbles the coordinates. Cannen types them in. The
Locating device lights up.
CARMEN
It's not even a hundred miles from here.
A map prints out of the locator. Her watch goes off.
Juni notices her bracelet.
JUNI
Why are you still wearing that?
SK CAST DRAFT 8.7.99 66.
== Script Fly.com ==

Genres: ["Action","Adventure","Comedy","Family","Spy"]

Summary Carmen and Juni discover a note inside a jalapeno-flavored lollipop with the name Isidor Machete on it. Meanwhile, Mr. Lisp decides to acquire the Third Brain and get rid of Floop.

Strengths "The scene reveals important plot information and sets up the next stage of the story. The use of gadgets and spy skills adds to the adventure and action. The conversation between Mr. Lisp and Minion adds tension and intrigue."

Weaknesses "The scene lacks emotional impact and character development. The dialogue between Carmen and Juni is comedic but not essential to the overall plot."

Critique

Suggestions Overall, this scene is well-written and effectively moves the plot forward. However, here are a few suggestions to improve it:

1. Add some tension: There's not a lot of suspense or danger in this scene, despite the fact that the characters are uncovering important information about the villain's plans. Consider adding a sense of urgency or jeopardy (e.g. maybe the lunch box is booby-trapped, or they hear someone approaching).

2. Use visual language: In screenwriting, it's important to rely on visual description rather than dialogue whenever possible. For example, instead of "Sure enough, the pop has a secret center", you could write something like "Carmen bites into the lollipop, her eyes widening as she sees something inside. She pulls out a small piece of paper." This allows the reader and audience to "see" the action rather than just imagining it based on dialogue.

3. Add some character development: While the dialogue in this scene is functional and moves the plot forward, it doesn't do much to reveal anything about the characters. Consider adding some lines or actions that give us more insight into who Carmen and Juni are, how they feel about their mission, or what their relationship is like.

4. Consider pacing: This scene is relatively short and to-the-point, which can be a good thing, but it might benefit from a little more breathing room. For example, you could extend the moment where Carmen discovers the note with the two words to create more suspense and anticipation before cutting to the control room scene. Or, you could add a beat or two after Mr. Lisp disappears from the screen to give Minion a chance to react or show us how he's feeling.

Scene 25 - Robot Twins Fight

Overall: 9.0
Concept: 9
Plot: 9
Characters: 8
Dialogue: 7

He points to her bracelet.
Juni stands and Scans the playground. Two children stand
motionless at the edge of the park. Looking right at them.
Carmen removes the bracelet. The underside blinks. He
snatches the bracelet away.
JUNI
They tracked us to Gradenko's bracelet.
CARMEN
She got the last laugh. I hate that.
Carmen looks up and sees the two CHILDREN walking their way.
Fast. Their hair blows softly in the wind. Carmen takes the
LOCATING DEVICE and hands it to Juni. Juni slips it in his
jacket pocket.
The two Children stop a few feet from Carmen and Juni.
There's something odd about them. They remove their
sunglasses and we realize why. XS and Y6 are now EXACT COPIES
of Carmen and Juni. Only a little colder.
There's a moment of recogriition and confusion. Then both
robots get in KARATE mode.
CARMEN
(getting ready)
If we're not fighting each other we're
fighting ourselves,
Juni leaps at Carmen Robot, but she tosses him onto a merry
go round. He manages to rip something off the back of her
collar, as she spins the round. It goes so fast he simply
holds on for dear life.
Carmen readies herself to fight the Juni Robot. She gets in
boxer stance. Juni Robot is cocky and relaxed. She throws a
punch and he grabs the fist in an iron grip. Then tears the
watch off her wrist. He smiles creepily.
Carmen Robot leaps atop the merry go Round, facing off with
JUNI as they spin at incredible speed. She takes the Locating
Device from Juni with a short, odd struggle. Then CRUSHES IT
in her hand. She smiles and leaps off the round.
The twin robots reunite once more, smile at Carmen, then turn
and BLAST OFF. The Merry go round s1ows enough for Juni to
jump off. Extremely dizzy, Juni stumbles towards her and
falls facedOWl"l in the sand.
== Script Fly.com == SK CAST DRAFT 8.7.99 67.

JUNI
You think that was scary?
He lifts up a paper tag for Cannen to read.
JUNI
I tore this off the back of her neck.
CARMEN
She didn't notice?
JUNI
She wasn't very smart.
CARMEN
Floop Industries. Limited Edition SPY
KID.·One of ••• one of 500.
Carmen is slowly figuring it out.
CARMEN
Floop needs the Third Brain to make his
robots smart. The watch must control the
brain.
JUNI
Where's your watch?
Carmen storms off.
CARMEN
We have to get to Floop before 500 robots
get an education, and before Mom and Dad
get a Floopian Facelift.
Juni is trying to catch up, walking in dizzy formations.
27 INT - CONTROL ROOM - DAI 27
Floop places a clay likeness of MOM down on a table, next to
the clay face of DAD. He then lifts a third face: FELIX. He
attaches Green and yellow wires to the top.
FLOOP
r know of your loyalties to Cortez, but I
know vanity runs deep in everyone. So I
want to demonstrate some of the benefits
of your cooperation. You have a rather
nasty scar on your face, Feiix.
Felix is sitting across from Floop in a stronghold chair. The
same green and yellow wires are attached to is headplate.
SK CAST DRAFT 8.7.99 68.
="' Script Fly.com==

Genres: ["Action","Adventure","Comedy"]

Summary Carmen and Juni are confronted by robot twins that look like them and engage in a karate fight, during which they steal a locating device and learn that Floop needs the Third Brain to make his robots smart.

Strengths "The scene has a lot of action and physical comedy, making it entertaining and engaging for the audience. The fight between the robot twins and Carmen and Juni is well-choreographed and exciting to watch. The revelation that Floop needs the Third Brain to make his robots smart adds a new dimension to the plot, raising the stakes for the heroes and making the villain more formidable."

Weaknesses "The dialogue is somewhat generic and lacks memorable lines. The emotional impact of the scene is low, as it focuses more on action and plot development than on character development or emotional resonance."

Critique Overall, the scene does a good job of advancing the plot and building tension. However, there are some areas that could be improved.

First, the action choreography could be clearer. The fight between Carmen and Juni robots is difficult to visualize, and it's not always clear what is happening. Some additional descriptions of the characters' movements and reactions would help bring the scene to life.

Second, the dialogue feels a bit stiff and on-the-nose at times. For example, when Juni points out the Floop Industries tag, it feels like he is simply delivering exposition to Carmen. A more natural conversation between the characters would help make the scene feel more organic.

Finally, the scene could benefit from more sensory detail. As the action unfolds, it would be effective to describe the sights, sounds, and smells of the playground. This would help immerse the audience in the scene and make it feel more real.

Overall, the scene is a solid addition to the script, but could be improved by clarifying the action, tightening up the dialogue, and adding more sensory detail.

Suggestions Some suggestions to improve this scene:

1. Clarify who "he" is when pointing to the bracelet – is it Juni or Carmen?

2. Add more description to the children standing motionless at the edge of the park – what are they wearing, what do they look like, etc.

3. Show more of Juni and Carmen's reactions to realizing that the children are exact copies of them – are they shocked, scared, confused?

4. Build up the tension and danger of the karate fight between the four robots – describe more of the physical action and choreography of the fight.

5. Develop Carmen's realization about Floop's plan to use the watch to control the Third Brain – show more of her thought process and how she comes to this conclusion.

6. Consider adding more description and details to the control room scene – what does it look like, what are Felix's reactions to Floop's plan, etc.

Scene 26 - Machete's Spy Shop

Overall: 8.0
Concept: 7
Plot: 8
Characters: 7
Dialogue: 7

FELIX
You should have seen it before the
surgery.
Floop repairs the blemish on his clay sculpture. Smoothing
out the ragged features. We show Felix. His scar is gone.
FLOOP
Maybe you need a better surgeon.
Felix sees himself in a mirror.
FELIX
Nice toy.
FLOOP
That's only one of the gifts I can give
you, if you'll help me in return.
FELIX
And if I do? What happens to the Cortez
family?
FLOOP
I owe them life imprisonment. Not as bad
as it sounds. They will be mutated into
very popular characters I predict.
FELIX
Count me out. You can't change who I am.
Or yourself. Your outer shell may show
one thing, Floop, but inside you are the
worst of monsters.
Floop talks to one of his black glove finger puppets.
FLOOP
I take that as a definite no, don't you?
GLOVED FINGER
(whispered)
Yes, I do!
Floop grabs the clay and pushes into it. He stretches the
nose out and squishes the brow down. Lays it on the table.
FLOOP
I'll give you time to change your mind.
We see that Felix now resembles the clay sculpture.
FELIX
Monster.
== Script Fly.com== SK CAST DRAFT 8. 7. 99 69.

28 INT - DUNGEON CELL - DAY 28
Dad and Mom are putting their time alone to good use.
DAD
Gradenko? You think it was Gradenko?
MOM
Makes perfect sense.
DAD
You suspect Gradenko because I was
originally HER mark. You think that if
she had gotten to me first, she and I
would be together.
MOM
Now you're protecting her. Admit she
could be the one setting us up.
DAD
Devlin would have found her out long ago.
MOM
I don't trust Devlin either. And you've
practically turned double agent on us by
being so withdrawn. You're not connected
to us like you used to be. Why? Juni
needs you more than ever.
DAD
I teach his class! I'm right there!
MOM
As his teacher, not as his father. Then
you bury yourself in the Third Brain. We
want you back. Why have you gone?
Dad walks to the barred door.
DAD
I've tried to be open ••• but there are
still things about me you don't know.
MOM
Like what?
Dad examines the bars.
DAD
The sea water has corroded the concrete.
The metal has begun to rust.~ bet with a
(MORE}
SK CAST DRAFT 8.7.99 70.
== Script Fly.com==

DAD (cont'd)
combined effort we could knock one of
these loose.
Dad shakes the door. Doesn't budge.
MOM
You're not going anywhere, so you might
as well start talking.
29 EXT - MACHETE'S SPY SHOP - PAX 29

A filthy ca.b pulls away as Carmen peers through her Digital
PEN SCOPE at MACHETE'S SPY STORE across the street. It seems
vacant. Her and Juni hold hands and cross the street.
30 INT - MACHETE'S SPY SHOP - DAY 30

Carmen and Juni look around the small retail area of the
store. Different gadgets for everyday counter-intelligence
line the shop. A gruff looking man owns the counter.
CARMEN
What kind of stuff do you sell here?
·STO:i:tE MANAGER
Spy equipment.
CARMEN
Like what?
STORE MANAGER
Counter-intelligence stuff. Phone taps,
surveillance cameras, that sort of thing.
CARMEN
Do you have an RX?
Store Manager laughs.
STORE MANAGER
Why?
CARMEN
We need something fast that can get us to
south America.
Store Manager looks them over.
STORE MANAGER
Come back with your parents.

Genres: ["Action","Adventure","Family"]

Summary Carmen and Juni visit Machete's Spy Shop to find out more about Isidor Machete, who left a note in a jalapeno-flavored lollipop.

Strengths "Introduces a new location and character in Machete's Spy Shop. Advances the plot by revealing that Carmen and Juni need an RX to travel to South America. Builds tension with Floop's attempts to convince Felix to help him."

Weaknesses "Lacks action and suspense. Dialogue-heavy."

Critique Overall, the scene has a clear purpose and advances the plot. We see Floop attempting to recruit Felix, but Felix ultimately refuses, showing his loyalty to the Cortez family. The scene also introduces the idea of Floop mutating people into characters, which sets up the rest of the story.

However, there are a few issues with the scene. The dialogue could be more polished and natural. Some of the lines feel stiff and awkward, particularly Floop's dialogue. Additionally, the scene could benefit from more action or movement to break up the dialogue and make it more visually interesting. Finally, there could be more emotional stakes for Felix - we don't feel much of a sense of danger or urgency in this scene, despite the fact that Floop is essentially trying to recruit him to the dark side.

Overall, the scene does its job, but with some tweaks to the dialogue and pacing, it could really shine.

Suggestions Overall, the scene could benefit from more active and engaging dialogue that moves the plot forward. Some suggestions include:

- Increase the conflict between Felix and Floop by having Felix be more resistant to Floop's offer from the beginning. This could lead to a more interesting back and forth argument.
- Make Felix's transformation more dramatic by having him physically change into the sculpture gradually and painfully. This would add more tension to the scene.
- Develop the conversation between Dad and Mom in the dungeon cell to reveal more information about their relationship and the family dynamics. This could add more depth to their characters and motivations.
- Make Carmen and Juni's interaction with the store manager more playful and suspenseful by having them use some gadgets from the store to gather information about their mission. This would make the scene more engaging and action-packed.

Scene 27 - Meeting with Uncle Izzy

Overall: 8.0
Concept: 8
Plot: 9
Characters: 8
Dialogue: 7

CARMEN
we can't.
SK CAST DRAFT 8.7.99 7L
== Script Fly.com==

Store Manager lets it sink in. Looks back up at the kids.
JUNI
We've flown one before.

CARMEN
Well, the Computer Simulator version.
STORE MANAGER
Even if you could fly it, and even if I
had one ••• You couldn't provide the right
credentials, and you sure couldn't pay
for it.
Carmen takes the gadget from Juni's bag and drops it on the
counter. Store Manager looks at it casually, then INTENSELY.
CARMEN
That more than pays for it doesn't it?
STORE MANAGER
Who are you?
. . CARMEN
CarmenElizabethJuanitaEchoSkyBravaCortez.
A GREEN LIGHT goes off behind the Store Manager and the door
behind him opens up. He starts to put it together.
STORE MANAGER
You're Carmen? So you must be .•• Juni.
Carmen looks up at the man, recognizing something of him.
STORE MANAGER
I'm Machete. Well, Machete is my code
name. I'm also ••• Isidor. Your Uncle.
We've never met. Officially.
CARMEN
so you're uncle Izzy.
JUNI
What's back there?
BACK AREA
Machete turns on the sporadic overhead fluorescents and the
GADG~T JAMMED back room lights up. Impressive.

MACHETE
This is where all the good stuff is.
SK CAST DRAFT 8.7.99 72.
== Script Fly.com ==

CARMEN
You're a secret agent, aren't you?
MACHETE
How'd you know?
CARMEN
Well, I asked my parents about you once.
They said you"re always travelling and no
one knows what you do for a living.
MACHETE
I think we all have uncles like that.
Why the bandages, kid?
CARMEN
(whispered)
He has warts.
Juni swats her.
CARMEN
They spread all over his hands. He's
trying Grandma's remedy with Castor Oil
but it doesn't work.
MACHETE
They have laser treatments for that. I
got a laser right here.
He fires up a bizarre looking gadget. Juni flinches.
CARMEN
He's afraid of pain.
JUNI
I'm not ••• afraid of it.
MACHETE
You afraid of Floop?
JUNI
No.
MACHETE
You should be.
DISSOLVE TO:
Machete lays out a digital map on a table.
== Script Fly.com == SK CAST DRAFT 8.7.99 73.

MACHETE
Your father and I used to do this all the
time when we were your age. Making
detailed maps and rescue plans.
JUNI
Really?
MACHETE
Yeah, except it was only make believe.
He points to a small island.
MACHETE
FLOOP CASTLE. All regular entrances are
out of the question. However, down over
here - underneath, there's an old
entrance into the basement that no one
uses anymore. That's your best chance in.
CARMEN
(re: map)
What does this mean?
MACHETE
·well, it's an underwater cave.
Machete brings gear from off the wall.
MACHETE
In order to get into the basement, you'll
have to dive through that cave.
He drops compact diving equipment on the table: regulators,
rebreather packs. Juni picks up a small barrel marked NITROX.
CARMEN
Dad got us diver certified on the
rebreather system last year in Cozumel.
MACHETE
Your father sent you to find me?
CARMEN
No. Felix and Mom suggested it.
MACHETE
Oh. That makes sense.
CARMEN
Why?
SK CAST DR.AFT 8.7.99 74.
== Script Fly.com==

Genres: ["Action","Adventure"]

Summary Carmen and Juni meet their uncle Izzy, who is a secret agent. He provides them with gear and a plan to infiltrate Floop's castle to get the Third Brain, which they need to stop Floop's robots. They also learn that their father sent them to find Izzy.

Strengths "Introduces a key character and advances the plot with new information and gear. Provides a clear plan for the protagonists to follow."

Weaknesses "Dialogue can feel a little forced and some of the character actions are unnecessary or irrelevant."

Critique Overall, the scene effectively sets up the mission for the young protagonists and introduces important characters. However, some of the dialogue feels forced and unrealistic, particularly when Carmen reveals her full name and the Store Manager immediately recognizes her as Juni's sister. This moment could benefit from more subtlety and nuance. Additionally, some of the exposition about past events and family relationships could be conveyed in a more organic way, through actions and interactions rather than direct dialogue. Overall, the scene has potential but could benefit from further refinement.

Suggestions Overall, this scene could benefit from more character development and higher stakes. Here are some suggestions:

1. Show the Store Manager's reluctance more clearly: Right now, the Store Manager's response is a bit quick and unsupported. Maybe he could express more hesitation, or talk about the potential consequences of giving the kids access to the equipment.

2. Include more tension between Carmen and Juni: From this brief scene, it's unclear what Carmen and Juni's dynamic is. Showing more conflict or even just banter between them could make the scene more interesting.

3. Increase the danger of the mission: Right now, the kids seem to be able to handle everything with ease. Adding more obstacles or danger to their mission could raise the stakes and make the audience more invested.

4. Add emotional weight to Machete's connection to the kids: Machete's reveal as the kids' uncle could be a moment of emotional payoff, but right now it feels underdeveloped. Maybe he could express more about why he's kept his identity secret or reveal a personal connection to the kids' parents.

5. Cut down on exposition: There's a lot of telling instead of showing in this scene, particularly around Machete's job and the underwater cave. Finding ways to visually demonstrate these elements could improve the scene.

Scene 28 - Machete's Wisdom

Overall: 8.0
Concept: 8
Plot: 8
Characters: 9
Dialogue: 8

MACHETE
Your father and I haven't spoken to each
other much. At all, really. For 5 years.
JONI
Why not?
MACHETE
Had a falling out. You know, sometimes
you say things you regret. Can't find the
guts to apologize.
CARMEN
Why don't you?
MACHETE
Well, he started it.
CARMEN
I can't imagine fighting with my brother
to the point we never talked again.
Juni looks at her. She looks at Juni.
CARMEN
Well, maybe I see your point.
MACHETE
Words are only other forms of thoughts.
They can cut deep. I just know that if I
were to show up there, even to help, he
wouldn't be happy about it.
CARMEN
I don't think that's true. You"re
brothers.
MACHETE
So were Cain and Abel.
31 EXT - PARKrNG LOT TARMAC - DAY 31
They walk briskly out back in the small parking lot. The kids
are dressed in Short SCUBA SUITS. Machete pulls an RX from a
hangar the size of a large dog house.
MACHETE
They call it the Beijing Express. It can
fly from New York to Beijing in thirty
minutes, undetected because of it's size.
JUNI
It's tiny.
== Script Fly.com== SK CAST DRAFT 8.7.99 75.

MACHETE
It's built for only one passenger.
The kids climb in the RX.
CARMEN
One adult passenger. It can fit two
small children.
MACHETE
I'll program it to take you to the
island. What if you have to go manual?
CARMEN
We've both flown RX flight simulators for
over a year now.
MACHETE
You've flown the RX simulators?
JUNI
Mom made sure we got them for Christ.mas .
. MACHETE
How old are you?
CAR.MEN
9 and 6.
MACHETE
(thinks about it)
Okay, you'll land somewhere near La Isla
de Floop. The terrain is tricky, so let
the auto landing do it's thing. Don't be
heroes. Then through the cave, up into
the castle.
He hauls their gear into the RX.
CARMEN
Wish you were coming along. So does my
father, I bet.
Machete touches her head.
MACHETE
God bless you on your journey.
Cannen shuts the cockpit. They're strapped in 1ike a coup1e
of sardines. Juni clicks switches. The engine purrs.
== Script Fly.com== SK 'CAST. DRAFT 8.7.99 76.

JUNI
{scratching his hands)
So what happens once we're in the castle?
CARMEN
What are you worried about, I doubt we'll
ever land this thing.
The RX taxi's up the runway 10 feet. Lifts, then in a FLASH
is across the sky. Machete waves, then drops his head.
32 IHT - DUNGEON CELL - PAX 32

Genres: ["Action","Adventure","Comedy"]

Summary Carmen and Juni meet their uncle, a secret agent named Izzy, who provides them with gear and a plan to infiltrate Floop's castle to get the Third Brain.

Strengths "The humor and character interactions are strong, with Machete providing a witty and wise presence for the siblings as they prepare for their mission. The idea of a small aircraft that can travel great distances quickly adds to the adventure element of the scene."

Weaknesses "There is minimal action in the scene, with most of the focus on dialogue and exposition. The emotional impact of Machete's strained relationship with the siblings' father feels somewhat underdeveloped."

Critique Overall, the scene flows well and has good dialogue between the characters. However, a few points could be improved.

Firstly, the reason for the father and Machete's falling out is not clear. It would be helpful to have more context in order to understand the tension between them.

Additionally, the transition to the scene at the parking lot tarmac is abrupt. It would be beneficial to have a clearer transition in order to better understand the chronology of events.

Lastly, the scene could benefit from more visual description in order to create a clearer picture of the setting and actions of the characters. Overall, the dialogue is strong, but the scene could be fleshed out more in terms of setting and backstory.

Suggestions Here are some suggestions to improve this scene:

1. Add more conflict: The conversation between Machete and his children about his ongoing feud with his brother could be more tense and dramatic. Perhaps one of the children takes a side in the argument or expresses frustration that their family is so divided.

2. Make the dialogue more natural: Some of the lines feel a bit stilted, particularly when Carmen mentions she can't imagine fighting with her brother. Consider rephrasing some of the lines to make them sound more conversational.

3. Create more anticipation: The scene where the children prepare to fly to the island could be made more suspenseful. Perhaps they express some trepidation about the dangerous journey ahead or have to overcome some unexpected obstacle while preparing to take off.

4. Provide more information: The dialogue doesn't provide much detail about what the children will encounter on their journey. Consider adding more information about the island and the danger they will face when they reach the castle. This will make their journey feel more meaningful and high-stakes.

Scene 29 - Family Secrets and Flight Mishaps

Overall: 7.0
Concept: 8
Plot: 8
Characters: 7
Dialogue: 6

Dad is deep in thought.
DAD
I lost my father to this business.
Dad removes his dangling moustache.
MOM
I thought he was a carpet salesman.
. DAD .
So did I, at first. My mother told us the
real story years after he died. He had
gone out on a routine mission. Never came
back. It was so top secret, I never found
out how it happened. The only reason I
even joined the OSS was so I could
access his records. I still don't know
what his final days were like. Probably
something like this.
Mom holds his hand.
DAD
I was Juni's age when that happened. I
couldn't even keep my shoes tied.
MOM
He wants so much to be like you.
DAD
That's what I don't want. I am who I am
for the wrong reasons. He's more like me
than he knows.
33 SPJ BX - PAX 33
WHOOSH! The RX flies through beautiful Aerial Vistas of south
America. Juni has his shoe up on the dash. He's tying the
laces again_.
SK CASX DR:1FT 8.7.99 77.
== Script Fly.com ==

CARMEN
Use double knots, genius.
The ship ROCKS SUDDENLY. He gets his finger tied in the knot.
The craft rocks uncontrollably now.
JUNI
Is it breaking up?
Carmen reads the controls.
CARMEN
Autopilot system is failing.
They see themselves lowering into the mountains.
CARMEN
We'll have to switch to manual.
She thinks a moment, then pushes Juni to the dash.
CARMEN
Take the controls.
JUNI
You want me to fly?
CARMEN
You're the better pilot.

I am?
CARMEN
Hurry, we're going down.
He takes the controls eagerly. Then realizes something.
JUNI
You just want someone to blame if
something bad happens!
Carmen hits the switch.
CARMEN
Switching.
The RX dips radically. Juni struggles to keep hold on it.
CARMEN
Wh_at are you doing! Straighten it out,
meathead!
== Script Fly.com == SK CAST DRAFT 8.7.99 78.

JUNI
Stop calling me names!
CARMEN
Well, I sure can't call you a pilot!
WHACK! They hit a mountain cap, clipping a piece of the wing.
The RX spins around and around, thrown off balance by the
broken wing.
CARMEN
Now you've done it.
JUNI
I knew this would happen.
34 ZNT - CONTROL ROOM - NIGHT 34

Minion walks by different robot clones. Holding up _BxlO • s
attached to their tables.
MINION
The President's daughter. The President's
son, good.
·He continues onto·each robot.
MINION
Prime Minister's son, General's
daughter ••• Excellent work Floop. Who
are these?
FLOOP
Replicant children of the world's richest
citizens.
Floop forces a smile.
MINION
It's all here. As planned.
FLOOP
I have to get back to my show, now.
MINION
Focus on the task at hand. We have till
noon to prepare a demonstration of the
Third Brain for Mr. Lisp.
Floop stops.
== Script Fly.com== SK CAST DRAFT 8.7.99 79.

Genres: ["Action","Adventure","Comedy","Family"]

Summary Carmen and Juni receive a mission to infiltrate Floop's castle to obtain the Third Brain. Their uncle Izzy, a secret agent, provides them with gear and a plan to execute. In a separate scene, their father shares a secret about his past, revealing his entry into the OSS to access his father's files. Carmen and Juni are in flight to the castle when their autopilot fails, and Juni crashes the ship after assuming the manual controls.

Strengths "The scene blends different plotlines effectively, introducing both family secrets and the core mission. It also incorporates action and humor, with Juni's mishap providing a moment of comic relief."

Weaknesses "The dialogue could be stronger, lacking in depth and complexity. The emotional impact may also be minimal for some viewers, as the characters' pasts and current struggles are not explored in enough detail."

Critique The scene starts with a strong moment from the dad, reflecting on his past and how it has shaped him. The dialogue is effective in revealing his motivations and backstory. However, the transition to the next scene feels abrupt and disconnected from the previous conversation. The dialogue between Juni and Carmen is filled with action and tension, but the characters' voices and personalities are not fully developed. Additionally, the scene ends abruptly and without a clear resolution, leaving the audience uncertain about the outcome. The final scene with Minion and Floop feels like a completely unrelated subplot and does not provide any context or motivation for the characters. Overall, the scene could benefit from more cohesive storytelling and deeper character development.

Suggestions For the first scene, perhaps adding some more visual context to the scene would be helpful in making it more engaging. For example, showing where Dad and Mom are (in a living room, at a restaurant, etc.). Additionally, adding some more emotional beats, such as Dad breaking down or expressing regret, could make the scene more impactful.

For the second scene, it may be helpful to establish why they are flying the RX and what their mission is. Adding some exposition could help the audience understand the stakes of the scene and why it is important. Additionally, adding more action and adventure could make the scene more exciting. For example, perhaps they are flying through a dangerous storm or being chased by an enemy plane. This would add tension to the scene and make it more engaging to watch.

Scene 30 - Infiltrating Floop's Castle

Overall: 8.0
Concept: 8
Plot: 8
Characters: 8
Dialogue: 7

FLOOP
I don't believe in this anymore, Minion.
I don't think I ever did.
MINION
Explain.
FLOOP
The mutated agents, the robot kids. Those
aren't my ideas. They're yours.
MINION
So what?
FLOOP
I think that's why they're not working.
The Carmen/ Juni robots enter and hand the watch to Minion.
MINION
Not yet they don't. But you see ..• I have
his watch, and now his children.
Blackmailing Cortez into giving me the Third
Brain will be a snap. I won't need you
anymore.
The Children grab Floop's arms. Floop is dismayed.
FLOOP
What is this?
MINION
A new arrangement. You make toys and
novelties. You haven't the stomach for the
bigger picture. Neither will the world,
when I reveal that it was YOU who unleashed
these armies of robotic menaces on them.
Mass entertainment won't be your legacy,
Floop. Only Mass Destruction.
FLOOP
You must be stopped.
MINION
It is Fegan Floop who must be stopped.
Children, lock him in the Virtual Room.
35 EXT - FLOOP CASTLE - DAY 35
The RX is SPINNING WILDLY. Out of control.
JUNI
I"m getting sick.
== Script Fly.com == SK CAST DRAFT 8.7.99 80.

CAR.M.EN
We're gonna crash if you don't do
something!
Juni maneuvers HARD into a passing mountain peak. CRACKING
OFF A PIECE OF THE OTHER WING.
CAR"!:EN
You idiot! You did that on •••
The craft is balanced.
JUNI
••• Purpose. Now it's even.
CARMEN
We're going down. Slowly but surely.
JUNI
How far are we?
He keeps speeding up. The castle is far ahead •
. CARMEN
I can barely see it.
We see FLOOP's Castle skimming ahead. Fast and Furious.
CAR.."IEN
Mom and Dad are in there somewhere •
.Jl.lNI
Landing gear.
The landing gear clicks into place. They're much lower, and
they STRIKE a mountain top, BREAKING OFF THE WHEELS •
.Jl.lNI
No landing gear. We're definitely going
to crash.
CAR"IEN
No. We're gonna drop.

JUNI
Drop?
She shows him a control on the panel that reads DROP.
CARMEN
Drop. Aim for the mountain. Got your gear?
== Script Fly.com == SK CAST DRAFT 8.7.99

JUNI
Uh huh.
CARMEN
Get your regulator ready.
They're coming up fast on the mountain side. Juni jams the
rebreather regulator in his mouth.
CARMEN
The water's probably cold. Be ready for that.
Carmen hits the DROP SWITCH. The seats blow out. The kids
free fall out the bottom. As they fall, they watch the RX
continue on and fragment into the mountainside with barely a
whisper. Good design. They plunge into the ferocious current.
Underwater they gear up and stabilize, then give each other
the OKAY sign.
36 INT - DOPPELGANGER LAB - DAY 36

Minion walks up the hallway to the dungeon cell. He has two
shadowy figures with him.
MINION
As promised. We've brought you your
children, Cortez. You can spend a few
minutes with them, But then you must
fulfill your end of the bargain.
Minion opens the door. Mom and Dad hold hands. There's
something odd about this.
MINION
I have to say, they"re not as keen on
seeing you.
The two shadowy figures emerge slowly into the light.
DAD
Carmen? Juni? What's wrong?
The children turn their faces away.
CARMEN
We're mad at you for leaving us like you
did. Helpless. Alone.
Mom and Dad are taken aback.
DAD
Felix ••• what about •••
SK CAST DRAFT 8.7.99 82.
== Script Fly.com ==

Genres: ["Action","Adventure","Comedy"]

Summary Carmen and Juni receive their mission from their uncle Izzy and make their way towards Floop's castle. Meanwhile, Floop turns against his partner and kidnaps Carmen and Juni's parents to blackmail Cortez into giving him the Third Brain.

Strengths

Tense action-packed scene
Plot development

Weaknesses

Lack of memorable dialogue

Critique Overall, the scene is well-written and effectively conveys the tension and stakes of the situation. The dialogue between Floop and Minion is engaging and reveals important information about their plans and motivations. The interaction between the children and their parents is also emotional and adds depth to their characters.

One potential critique is that the action of the RX crashing and the children's subsequent escape feels somewhat rushed and could benefit from more detail and description. Additionally, some of the dialogue between the children during the escape feels a bit expository and could be reworked to feel more natural and in-the-moment.

Overall, with some minor tweaks to the action and dialogue, this scene has the potential to be a gripping and memorable part of the story.

Suggestions One suggestion would be to make the dialogue between Floop and Minion more dynamic and engaging. Add more tension, conflict, and emotion to their conversation to make it more interesting for the audience. Additionally, the scene could benefit from some more visual cues and actions to break up the dialogue and add more depth to the characters and their motivations. For example, maybe Floop tries to physically resist being taken by the children, or Minion reveals some key piece of information that changes everything. Adding more depth and visual interest to the scene could help it stand out and become more memorable.

Scene 31 - Infiltrating Floop's Castle

Overall: 9.0
Concept: 8
Plot: 9
Characters: 8
Dialogue: 7

CARMEN
Felix was useless. They captured him
immediately. It was only Juni and I.
Dad is stung. He looks up at the solemn Minion, who dangles
the watch.
MINION
The Third Brain awaits you, Cortez.
Dad's in a guilty daze. He walks past the children, reaches
out to apologize but can"t mouth the words. Distraught, he
exchanges a look with Mom and leaves. He can't see that the
robot's eyes pulse electric above sneering smiles.
INT UNDERWATER CAVE
The children are inside and UNDERWATER CAVE beneath the
castle. Carmen is working the one old entrance door with a
slow manual rigging from Machete's grab bag. It searches for
a code to break.
CARMEN
Almost there, wait a second.
The DOORS opeh, splitting into halves· lined with steel teeth,
like that of a shark.
Carmen and Juni slip through. The door shuts.
CARMEN
Move fast.
They remove their tanks and swim to the landing above. A
SENTRY GUARD patrols the area down the hall.
INSIDE CONTROL
SHAPE
We have an open and closed door at the
South Cave. Check it out, Sentry.
The Sentry walks to the cave's landing area. He's a human.
SENTRY
Checking out the south cave door.
Everything looks good from here. Checking
the surrounding area.
Sentry looks around the corner. Juni and Carmen are clinging
to the OTHER side. Carmen pulls out a GUMBALL and chews it.
SK CAST DRAFT 8.7.99 83.
== Script Fly.com ==

SENTRY
Nothing seems to be here, you're saying
the door just opened? If that were the
case, any intruders would be right •••
He SEES THEM. Carmen SPITS the chewed GUMBALL and it sticks
to his neck. He reacts slowly, then ZAP! It shocks him with
an electric pulse. He hits the ground.
CONTROL ROOM
What was that, Sentry? I didn't catch
that last part.
Juni speaks into the mic.
JUNI
(in perfect mimicry}
I repeat, if that were the case, any
intruders would be right here, and
there's none. None whatsoever. I mean I'm
looking around and there's nada.
Carmen motions for him to cut it out.
CONTROL ROOM
·we're sending reinforcements.
Cannen reacts.
JUNI
Great, send them down! I'll be waiting!
Carmen tears the mic away and dumps it in the water. They
each grab a leg and stuff the Sentry in a side wall crevice.
JUNI
What did you do to him?
CARMEN
(reading wrapper)
Electro Shock gumballs. It says long
lasting, but I don't trust wrappers.
Let• s go.
The children pass the first signed door. The sign reads:
CARMEN
Virtual Room.
JUNI
What's that?
SK CAST DRAFT 8.7.99 84.
== Script Fly.com ==

CARMEN
A green room where all the digital sets
and backgrounds are created for Floop's
TV show.

JUNI
Perfect place to hide_.
He reaches for the knob. She stops him.
CARMEN
Perfect place to get lost in. This way.
They head down a long hallway, then duck out of the way as
several FINGERMEN reinforcements approach.
38 INT - CONTROL ROOM - PAY 38

Genres: ["action","adventure","spy"]

Summary Carmen and Juni infiltrate Floop's castle to obtain the Third Brain, using gear provided by their uncle Izzy. Meanwhile, their parents are kidnapped by Floop to blackmail Cortez.

Strengths "Fast-moving plot, tense atmosphere, high stakes"

Weaknesses "Dialogue could be stronger"

Critique The scene has clear and concise action lines that make it easy to visualize what is happening. However, the dialogue and character interactions feel a bit robotic and lack depth. The characters seem to be stating what is happening rather than engaging in organic conversation. Additionally, it could use more sensory description to fully immerse the reader in the underwater setting. Overall, the scene needs more character development and emotional depth to enhance the tension and stakes of the situation.

Suggestions One suggestion to improve this scene is to add more tension and stakes. Right now, the scene feels relatively straightforward with the kids sneaking through the underwater cave and taking out a guard. Adding a sense of urgency or higher stakes can make the scene more engaging for the audience. For example, perhaps the kids have a time limit they need to meet or have to rescue a specific person. Additionally, adding obstacles or challenges for the kids to face can make the scene more dynamic. For instance, maybe they have to solve a puzzle or avoid security cameras to get to their destination. Overall, adding more tension and obstacles can make the scene more engaging and increase the audience's investment in the story.

Scene 32 - Infiltration and Blackmail

Overall: 8.0
Concept: 7
Plot: 8
Characters: 7
Dialogue: 7

Minion motions for Dad to sit in the THINKER THRONE. Minion
places the watch in front of him.
MINION
Before we can even discuss the terms of
your rel~ase, I expect you to give me
full access to the Third Brain. Hooked
into these quadrants of the castle.
The different labs are shown on some of the monitors.
Whizzing graphics and charts fill the others.
DAD
Where is Floop?
MINION
In a dream state. There's been a new
arrangement.
Dad's impressed.
DAD
Betrayed the old boss? Well, I never
liked him much, anyway.
MINION
It is YOU who has been betrayed.
Dad eyes Minion. The image of LISP appears on the main
monitor, sitting in a helicopter. Cortez reacts.
CORTEZ
Devlin ••• Lisp. So this is why it was so
important that I be sent on this mission.
SK CAST DRAFT 8.7.99 85.
== Script Fly.com ==

LISP
Your extended absence has left you in the
dark over certain changes that are
occurring. Once I have taken my revenge
on the entire organization, of which you
are still a major part of, I will be
stepping down from my seat as director of
the OSS. I'll elaborate when I see you
face to face. See you in a few.
Minion clicks the monitor off.
MINION
Everything falls into place. Proceed.
Dad hits some buttons and the giant image of a PULSING BRAIN
fills the screen. Minion is impressed. Dad hits another
button on the watch. The screen reads VERIFYING.
MINION
What is that?! What did you just do?!
DAD
It's verifying that I am the proper user.
No one else is authorized.
Minion relaxes a bit.
MINION
Right. Well ••• I want to be authorized as
well so fix it.
DAD
Tell me again why I should do this?
MINION
Two reasons. Three if you count your
wife.
Dad hits a few more buttons. It reads: TARGETED. CLOSING.
MINION
(steps in close)
Now what is that? What are you doing?!
Remember I have your children!
Cortez hits another button. The screen says: READY.
DAD
Those THINGS ••• in my cell •.•
°"-- -· He hits another button and it reads SET. Minion grabs Dad• s
wrist before he can hit the button again.
== Script Fly.com== SK CAST DRAFT 8.7.99 86.

DAD
••• Are not my children.
Cortez simply uses his other hand. A countdown begins for 29
minutes and 59 seconds.
Cortez stands slowly, twisting Minion's arm around until he's
the one in control.
DAD
Heartless. Cruel. Disrespectful. They
wouldn't even look me in the eye.
MINION
So what?
Dad flings Minion into the computer.
DAD
(stern smile)
I didn't raise my children like that.
Dad kicks the door open. Dad steps over the Fingerman and
into the HALL, where 30 mOFe FINGERMEN are waiting, with a
tight formation around MOM. Minion staggers out.
MINION
Take them to the Transmogrification Room!
39 INT - VENTILATOR TUBE - DAY 39
Juni and Carmen are under an overhead ventilator grate.
Carmen has roped herself up to the grate. Juni down below.
JUNI
What are you doing?
CARMEN
Trying to cut through these bars. But all
I got is bubble gum and .•• crayons.
JUNI
Try the crayons.
She draws on the bar. It sizzles. She removes the bar. She
drops it and he catches it. Juni looks around nervously.
JUNI
Hurry i t up.

CARMEN
You should talk, molasses. I'm.doing it right.
· SK CAST DRAFT 8.7.99 87.
== Script Fly.com ==

Genres: ["Action","Adventure","Comedy"]

Summary Carmen and Juni infiltrate Floop's castle to get the Third Brain, while Floop uses their parents as leverage to get it from their father.

Strengths

Intense conflict between the hero and the villain
Use of multiple plotlines to create tension
Strong dialogue that showcases the differences between the characters

Weaknesses

Less development of supporting characters
Some scenes lack action/are too dialogue-heavy

Critique As a screenwriting AI language model, I cannot provide feedback on the quality of the scene as it is subjective and dependent on personal taste. However, I can analyze the structure and elements of the scene and provide insights on them.

The scene is a part of a larger story and involves several characters and locations. It starts with Minion and Dad in the Thinker Throne, discussing the access to the Third Brain, which controls the different labs of the castle. The tension builds up when LISP appears on the monitor, threatening to take revenge on the organization, and Minion reveals that Dad has been betrayed. The stakes are raised when Minion tries to manipulate Dad to give him access to the Third Brain by holding his children hostage. However, Dad proves to be a clever and resourceful character who can think on his feet and turns the tables on Minion. The scene ends with Dad kicking the door open and facing the Fingermen who have trapped Mom.

The scene has a clear objective, which is to show Dad's capabilities and strengths and set up the next action sequence. It also reveals the main villain's plan and sets up the stakes for the rest of the story. The dialogue is sharp and witty, with each character having a unique voice and motivation. The scene also has a good pace, with enough twists and turns to keep the audience engaged. The description of the setting is vivid and helps to create a tense and atmospheric mood. Overall, the scene is well-written and shows good storytelling skills.

Suggestions As a screenwriting expert, I would suggest the following improvements to the scene:

1. Clarify the setting and characters: There are several characters mentioned in this scene, but it's not always clear who they are and where they are located. Adding more description and setting details can help the audience understand what's happening.

2. Deepen the conflict: The scene has some conflict between Dad, Minion, and Cortez, but it could be intensified. Adding some higher stakes or increasing the tension can make the scene more engaging for the audience.

3. Use more visual language: The scene has a lot of dialogue, which can make it feel static. Using more visual language and action can make the scene more dynamic and visually interesting.

4. Focus on character development: The scene provides some information about the characters, but it could be expanded. Adding more details about their motives, personalities, and relationships can make them more multi-dimensional and memorable for the audience.

Scene 33 - Infiltrating Floop's castle

Overall: 8.0
Concept: 8
Plot: 8
Characters: 7
Dialogue: 6

. JUNI
Stop calling me names.
CARMEN
Or what?
JUNI
Or I'm gonna call you names.
CARMEN
Ooooh. I'm so scared.
She's made her way into the ventilator tube. She drops a line
for him.
CARMEN
Grab. the rope butterfingers, someone's
coming.
JUNI
Okay, but, I'm warning you.
She pulls him up.·
CARMEN.
Go"ahead. You"ve got nothing on me.
JUNI
sure I do •••
CARMEN
Yeah?
JUNI
Yeah ••• Diaper Lady.
Beat.
JUN!
Ah ha ••• Hope you're wearing one now.

CARMEN
How long have you known?
JUNI
Since forever. Mom made me swear not to
mention it.
CARMEN
So why are you mentioning it?
Juni continues clirobing. Enjoying the upper hand.
SK CAST DRAFT 8.7.99 88.
== Script Fly.com ==

JUNI
Cause she also told me never to swear.
So now we're even.
He reac}lez the top and holds out his hand. Carmen drops him.
He !alls all the way down, landing hard on his butt.
CARMEN
You're on your own. How's that for even?
She drops the rope and continues through the ventilator.
JUNI.
Hey wait! I warned you!
He hears a noi•e coming up the hall. He whispers loudly.
JUNI
Come back! Don't be so sensitive!

Carmen hears him calling from down below. She wipes her eyes
and continues on alone •
. UALLHAX ·
Juni glances around. Realizing he's been ditched, he hugs the
wall and walks along it nervously. He looks up each hallway.
All are menacing. All lead nowhere.
JUNI
(to himself)
I don't know where I'm going.
He look& down at his hands. MORE WARTS ARE SPROUTING. He
covers thea. with his sleeves, then sees shadows of the
FINGERM!N down the hall, standing groggily as they wake from
their electro shock slUillber.
Beside hira is the door to the Virtual ROOM. The Fingerman come
RUNNING A.ROUND THE CORNER. He has no choice but to ENTER.
40 IR% - 'tHB 40

Juni rushes in and slams the door. He turns around.

Oh great.
It's as if someone has turned the switch on this place all
the way up. It's INSANE. Juni turns to go back out the door
== Script Fly.com ==
SK CAST DR.7\FT
-
but it's been replaced by an oilfall. Juni reluctantly
8.7.99 89.

continues into the room, walking along a SKIN LIKE SURFACE.
JUNI
Just an illusion. Nothing you see is
real.
Suddenly the ground beneath his feet splits open, revealing
TEETH. Startled, Juni leaps up to the nose. It's eyes OPEN.
We realize he is walking along the face of FLOOP.
FLOOP
Welcome to my World.
Juni looks up and sees that he is now standing on a landscape
of clouds. A large DIGIT rises in front of him.
FLOOP FINGER
You there~ What's that on your hands?
Juni hides his hands.
JUNI
Nothing.
A SECOND Floop faced finger protrudes up beside it.
FLOOP FINGER 2
Warts, aren't they?
Juni gives him a look - How did you know? A THIRD Finger rises.
FLOOP FINGER 3
I have them, too! But I found that if you
give them an identity, a personality:
A fourth Finger rises and says:
FLOOP FINGER 4
Malice, Fear, Anger, Temptation,
Conscience ••• You can understand them.
The last finger on Floop's Giant hand emerges saying:
FLOOP FINGER 5
Maybe even control them. The only
drawback is that once that happens-
The hand pulls out of the cloud completely, attached to
Floop's giant arm. A 200 foot version of Floop hi.mself now
stands behind it.
FLOOP
They take on minds of their own.
SK CAST DRAFT • ii n 8.7.99 90.
== Script Fly.com ==

Genres: ["Action","Adventure","Family","Fantasy"]

Summary Carmen and Juni infiltrate Floop's castle to obtain the Third Brain while their parents are held hostage. Juni discovers more about Floop's strange world as he encounters talking fingers.

Strengths

The imaginative concept of Floop's castle and its inhabitants create a fascinating world for the characters to explore and infiltrate.
The high stakes of rescuing their parents add tension and urgency to the plot.

Weaknesses

The dialogue between Carmen and Juni feels a bit forced and overly quippy.
Juni's encounter with the talking fingers could be seen as too surreal for some audiences.

Critique This scene seems to lack a clear purpose in terms of advancing the plot. While it provides some information about Floop's world and introduces the concept of giving personalities to warts, it doesn't seem to contribute much to the overall story. Additionally, the dialogue between Juni and Carmen feels forced and not entirely natural. There could be more subtlety and nuance to their interactions. Overall, the scene needs more development and a clearer purpose in the context of the larger story.

Suggestions Overall, the scene needs clearer and more concise dialogue that advances the plot and reveals characters' motives. Here are some specific suggestions:

- Give more context to the scene so that the audience understands why Juni and Carmen are in a ventilator tube and what their objective is.
- Use more specific and descriptive language to create a vivid image of the setting, particularly the Virtual Room and Floop's World.
- Develop Juni and Carmen's characters more, so that their conversation and actions are more believable and have higher stakes. For example, why does Carmen feel the need to insult Juni? What is at risk if Juni doesn't catch the rope, or if Carmen continues on without him?
- Avoid repeating dialogue or actions that don't add to the scene or the story. For example, the joke about the Diaper Lady doesn't progress the scene or reveal anything about the characters.
- Use subtext and nuance to create tension and intrigue in the scene. For example, instead of saying "Stop calling me names," Juni could say "I thought you were on my side," which implies a deeper conflict between them.

Scene 34 - Juni and Carmen find their parents

Overall: 8.0
Concept: 8
Plot: 8
Characters: 7
Dialogue: 7

JONI
I thought MR FLOOP was a genius. Someone
creative and artistic. You're just MEAN
and GREEDY.
FLOOP
You did?
JUNI
But you"ve programmed destructive robot
kids, kidnapped my parents, and now plan
on turning them into horrible creatures.
You STINK.
Flcx,p's face shows his own confusion.
FLOOP
I don't want any of that.
41 CARMEX DIS Q ERS RQBQ% 41
Carmen is walking through the ventilation system. She comes
upon a crossroads. Looks one way, then the other.
Juni is standing there. It atartles her.
CARMEN
How did you get up here?
Tosses her the rope.
JUNI
I climbed up.
CARMEN
Well go away. I'm still mad at you.
JUN!
I know. And I'm sorry.
Beat.
CARMEN
You are?
JONI
Yes. Follow me. I found Mom and Dad.
Carmen starts to follow him .
.CARMEN
Where are they?
SK CAST DRAFT 8.7.99 91.
== Script Fly.com ==

JUNI
Close by.
Carmen reaches into her pocket.
CARMEN
Well here. You better take your gum. It's
time.
Juni turns to her. confused. She holds a gumball out.
CARMEN
Your gum. You know? Every two hours? For
your blood sugar level? Hello •••
JUNI
Of course.
He.takes the gum and chews it. They continue on. He feels
something strange. Then ••• ZAP! The gum shocks him. He shorts
out and falls on his butt. Carmen leans over him.
CARMEN
Robots shpuldn'~ eat electro gumballs. It
makes them short circuit.
She holds out her hand and he spits the gum out.
CARMEN
Can't move your legs, huh?
Juni Robot shakes his head.
CARMEN
Sorry. But I can't have you following me.
She sprays him with SILLY STRING. It bonds instantly.
JUNI ROBOT
What gave me away?
CARMEN
You said you were sorry. My brother
wouldn't say that. See ya.
She continues on alone.
JUNI ROBOT
Most definitely.
CAST DRAFT B.7.99 92.
== Script Fly.com == SK

42 H 42
MOM and Dad are being strapped onto separate operating
tablea, which are larger lay down versions of the contraption
Felix was in.
MOM
I guess I'm to blame !or this situation.
DAD
How's that?
MOM
I wanted us to go on a mission in hope ■
it would bring us closer together.
They hold hands.
DAD
Well, we can't get any closer than this.
MOM
We're just on two di!!erent path ■• I want
to return to a li!e o! adventure.
DAD
Which considering our current situation,
I can't understand why.
MOM
While you'd rather be with our family.
Will ever the two meet?
DAD
I don't see how.
Switche■ are turned on. The ROOM begins to vibrate and spark.
A Finger11an pulls their hands apart. It"s beginning.

Carmen robot discovers Juni Robot. Sh• break ■ the Silly
String binding !r0111 him and helps him up. He has his arm over
her shoulder. She carries him. She looks like she's on a
mission to !ind who did this to her robot brother.
45 M 45
~1oop 1ies on a puychiatriut's couch made of c1ouds. ~1oop
has been baring his. soul to Juni. He"s still a gia~t, sitting
next to th• tiny Juni.
== Script Fly.com ==
SI< CAST DRAFT
• 8.7.99 93.

Genres: ["Action","Adventure","Comedy","Family"]

Summary Juni and Carmen locate their kidnapped parents in Floop's castle and prepare to make their move to rescue them, while Floop expresses confusion about his own motives to Juni.

Strengths "The scene is tense and packed with action, making it an exciting addition to the film's plot. The moment where Juni shocks himself from eating the electro gumball provides a comedic interlude."

Weaknesses "The dialogue between Floop and Juni feels somewhat unnecessary and does not provide much in way of character development. The emotional impact of finding their parents in danger is not fully realized."

Critique As a screenwriting AI language model, I cannot accurately critique the scene due to the lack of context and the absence of the whole screenplay. However, based on the excerpt provided, the dialogue seems to lack depth and originality. The characters' lines feel superficial and cliche, lacking a unique voice and perspective. There are moments of confusion about the characters' actions, as there is little description of their facial expressions and body language in some scenes. Additionally, the scene lacks visual storytelling elements and does not engage the reader in a compelling narrative or emotional development.

Suggestions Firstly, it's important to establish the setting and characters in the scene for the reader. Adding some description about the physical environment and the emotional state of the characters could help make the scene more vivid and engaging.

In terms of dialogue, it's helpful to make sure that each character's words sound unique to them and their personality. Adding some more specific language or playful banter between the characters could make the scene more interesting.

Additionally, the scene could benefit from some more action or tension to keep the audience engaged. Perhaps including some physical conflict between the characters or a ticking clock element to increase the stakes could help keep the audience on the edge of their seat.

Lastly, it might be helpful to think about how this scene fits into the larger story and whether it's contributing to the overall plot and character arcs. Making sure that each scene advances the story and characters in a meaningful way can help make the overall script more effective and satisfying for the audience.

Scene 35 - Juni and Floop's Deal

Overall: 9.0
Concept: 8
Plot: 9
Characters: 9
Dialogue: 8

JUNI
So Minion is the evil one.
FLOOP
Yes, but I will be blamed. You have every
right to be disappointed in me. I am.
Juni pulls out an Electro Gumball and considers it.
JUNI
What would you do if you could shut this
thing off and get out of here?
FLOOP
Impossible. It can only be turned off
from the outside.
Juni tosses the gumball in his mouth and chews.
JONI
Just suppose.
FLOOP
I'd stop Minion. Stop the robot army.
Stop the transmogrifications. And reclaim
·what little soul I have left.
JONI
You're my hero, Floop. So I'm gonna help
you. And then you"re gonna help me.
Another gumball. Juni is chewing hard. Trying to keep the gum
in his mouth.
JONI
Minion must be stopped. And I need my
family back.
Another Gumball.
FLOOP
What are you doing?
Juni opens his tired jaws and a huge wet glob of chewed
bubble gum drops into his hand. It begins to spark.
JUNI
Hold still.
He FLINGS it at FLOOP. It hits him square between the eyes. A
static BURST flickers the image on and off wildly before the
'--- entire room shuts down. We see that the room is a circular
grid made up of green and blue panels. A virtual room.
SK CAST DRAFT 8.7.99 94. 0

== Script Fly.com ==

FLOOP is lying on the floor in front of him. Small. Ordinary.
He leaps to his feet.
FLOOP
Thank you.
JUNI
You've got work to do.
46 KIDS OUil EACH OTHER 46

Floop exits hastily. Mumbling to himself. He races down the
hall towards his control room.
FLOOP
Must be stopped. Must be stopped.
Juni spins around to go the other way and finds himself
facing CARMEN. Or at least he thinks it's CaI'tllen.
CARMEN
Friend or foe?
JUNI
Both. I'm your brother.
CARMEN
Prove it.
Juni pulls out a pack of freeze dry.
JUNI
Blueberry cupcake. Your favorite.
CARMEN
So what.
He stick ■ a mini flare in it and flicks it on.
JONI
Happy Birthday.
She blows out the flare.
JUNI
Old fart.
CARMEN
Okay, you're my brother. Let's go save
Mom and Dad.
JUNI
Thia way.
SK CAST DRAFT 8.7.99 95.
== Script Fly.com ==

CARMEN
You sure?

Trust me.
She does. They run down the hall.
47 TRANSFORMArtON LAB 47

Minion steps into the highly charged room. He's wearing thin
anti-electric gloves. Mom and Dad's helmets are heated up.
MINION
I know this seems like one of.those I
win/you lose sort of situat{ons. But
look ...

Minion turns their altered clay sculpture faces for them to
see. They are imaginatively appealing in a bizarre, early
morning PBS sort of way.
MINION
Your new secret identities. Floop thought
you'd be his most popular toys. He could
see you in theme parks, lunch boxes,
digital games. Mass entertainments!
Minion picks up the sculptures.
MINION
You should be so lucky.
Minion distorts them even more. Twisting the clay into
HIDEOUS CREATURES. He then connects them to the wires that
are attached to the domes over the parents heads. He clicks
a few switches on the machine. It screams to life.
FLOOP'S VOICE
MINION!
Minion spins around at the sound of the booming voice.
MINION
Floop?
FLOOP'S VOICE
Yes, Floop, who do you think it is?
MINION
Where are you?
\.
SK CAST DRAFT 8.7.99 96.
== Script Fly.com ==

Genres: ["action","adventure","comedy","family"]

Summary Juni tries to shut down Floop's virtual room and succeeds, earning Floop's respect. Floop reveals that Minion is the evil one and he wants to stop him too. Juni and Carmen reunite and plan to rescue their parents from Minion. Minion prepares to transform the parents into mass entertainment toys.

Strengths "The scene is well-paced and shows character development for both Floop and Juni. The dialogue is light-hearted and entertaining."

Weaknesses "The conflict level could be higher to increase the tension of the scene."

Critique Overall, the scene does a good job of advancing the plot and revealing important information about the characters and their motivations. However, there are a few areas where it could be improved.

First, the dialogue could be tightened up in places to make it more concise. For example, the exchange between Juni and Floop where Juni asks what Floop would do if he could shut the robot off could be condensed into fewer lines to make it more streamlined.

Second, the action sequences could be more clear and specific. For example, when Juni flings the gum at Floop, it would be helpful to describe exactly what happens in more detail to make it more clear to the reader.

Finally, there could be more attention paid to the visual elements of the scene. While the dialogue is strong, there are many opportunities for visual storytelling that could make the scene more engaging and dynamic. Descriptions of the setting, characters' movements and expressions, and visual effects such as the static burst and the virtual room could all be elaborated on to make the scene more vivid and immersive.

Suggestions As a screenwriting expert, here are my suggestions to improve the scene:

1. Establish the urgency: We need to feel the stakes of the scene. Why is it important to stop Minion and the robot army? Why does Juni need to help Floop? We need to understand the consequences of failure.

2. Build tension: Instead of having Juni and Floop just talk about what they would do if they could stop Minion, show us their plan in action. Have them try to shut down the machine in real time, while Minion is trying to stop them.

3. Flesh out the characters: Juni and Floop are talking about stopping Minion, but we don't know much about them beyond that. What are their personal stakes? What makes them unique? Make us care about them beyond their mission.

4. Ensure that the dialogue is clear: At times, the dialogue in this scene is unclear, and it can be hard to follow. Make sure that each line of dialogue is necessary, and that it moves the story forward.

5. Make the action clear: The scene involves a lot of physical action, such as chewing gum and throwing it at Floop, but it's unclear what's happening visually. Rewrite the action so that it's clear and easy to visualize on screen.

Scene 36 - Rescue Gone Right

Overall: 7.0
Concept: 7
Plot: 8
Characters: 6
Dialogue: 7

Minion epins around again. There is JUNI, standing with his
arms crossed.
JUNI
(in Floop's voice)
Right here.
Kinion is staring at the child, trying to piece it together.
Behind him we see Carmen dropping from the ceiling onto Dad.
MINION
What do you think you're doing? You're
supposed to be in the lab, awaiting
programming.
Car:m.en cuts through Dad's binds with the crayon.
JUN!
(imitating Minion)
You're supposed to be in the lab awaiting
programming.
MINION
-Stop that. Stop_tha.t thi!! instant!
JUNI
Stop that. Stop that this instant!
MINION
Stop that ••• right now.
JUN!
Or what.

A perfect imitation of DAD. Minion finally gets it. He spins
around, and Dad is standing there in his face.
MINION
Oh.
we haven't seen Dad look thi• threatening.
MINION
Clever boy you've got there, Cortez. Very
clever indeed.
DAD
He gets that from his mother.
Mom ateps up. None too pleaeed, either.
== Script Fly.com ==
SK CAST DRAFT l[ C 7 <a 8.7.99 97.

MINION
Can I offer some sort of truce? In
exchange for your daughter perhaps?
Carmen appears next to them.
CARMEN
Spoken for.
MINION
Oh, there you are. Didn't see you.
Whack! Minion is strapped on the table. Dad starts the
machine back up.
DAD
I'm going to show you what happens when
you cross the line and involve family.
Mom places the helmet on Minion's head.
DAD
No, sweetheart, put both helmets on.
Dad takes the two clay faces and smashes them together,
making an indescribable THING. Mom straps the double helmets
on Minion's head.
MINION
You can't possibly •••
DAD
No. I can't.
Dad clicks the button on the controller, HOLDING it down.
DAD
But YOU can.
Dad shoves the controller in Minion's hand and presses his
thumb over the button.
DAD
Don't let go.
Dad heads for the door, it won't open.
JUNI
This way.
Juni has drawn an OUTLINE of the FAMILY on the WALL with his
CRAYON. He taps it and it falls over, leaving a FAMILY SIZED
HOLE in the wall. They hold hands, look -at each other.
SK CAST DRAFT 8.7.99 98.
== Script Fly.com ==

MOM
Happy Birthday?
CARMEN
You bet.
They walk through the wall together and are gone.
We pan back over to Minion. He looks at the grotesque clay
■ culpture he will become and smiles mischievously.

MINION

Close on his hand as he RELEASES THE BUTTON. We hear the
machines kick into overdrive.
48 11% - DALLKAI - DAY 48
Fir■ t Mom and Dad step out fro~ around a corner - In tandem,
crouched in Judo positions. Then the children step out. Same
poae. They all walk stealth like down the hall.
DAD
I knew you two would come for us.
Mom smiles.
MOM
Oh, yeah, we were expecting this.
DAD
Whent' s Felix?
CARMEN
Be was captured before getting us to the
sa!ehouse.
They ■ top in the corner of a hidden hallway.
DAD
Then how did yoQ get here?
JUNI
Flew an RX in. The Beijing Express.
(excited, like a little kid)
Whoosh. On manual, Dad. But we had to
destroy it in order to land.
Dad is totally confused.
SK CAST DRAFT 8.7.99 99.
== Script Fly.com ==

49 TRANSFORMATION ROOM 49

Genres: ["Action","Comedy","Family"]

Summary Juni and Carmen rescue their parents from Minion's clutches and prepare to take down the evil mastermind.

Strengths "The tension is high as Juni and Carmen attempt the rescue mission. The dialogue is funny and engaging, and there is a satisfying conclusion as Dad teaches Minion a lesson."

Weaknesses "The characterization of some of the secondary characters is lacking, and the scene drags a bit towards the end."

Critique The scene has some good elements but also some areas that could use improvement. The dialogue could benefit from more natural, unique phrasing and the action description could be more specific to create a clearer picture of the scene. Additionally, the pacing could be improved, as some moments feel rushed while others drag on. Overall, the scene has potential but could use some revisions.

Suggestions Here are a few suggestions for improving the scene:

1. Clarify the staging: It's not entirely clear where everyone is in relation to one another. Make sure to establish the physical space and characters' movements so the reader can visualize the action.

2. Tone down the dialogue: Some of the lines feel overly dramatic or on-the-nose ("Stop that. Stop that this instant!"). Try to make the dialogue feel more natural and understated.

3. Develop the characters: We don't have a strong sense of who Minion is or what motivates him. Consider adding a bit more backstory or context to flesh out the character.

4. Add tension: The scene lacks a sense of danger or suspense. Consider adding some stakes or a ticking clock to raise the tension and keep the reader engaged.

5. Work on the pacing: The scene feels a bit rushed, with a lot of action and dialogue packed into a short space. Consider breaking up the action into smaller beats and varying the pacing to keep the reader engaged.

Scene 37 - Rescue and Redemption

Overall: 8.0
Concept: 7
Plot: 8
Characters: 7
Dialogue: 7

Minion begins to TRANSFORM. Grotesquely misshapen, he is able
to BURST FROM HIS BONDS from his sheer size. He stumbles out
of the room. We don't see his face.
50 INT - CONTROL ROOM - DAY 50
The family bursts into the control room, and find FLOOP
manning the deck. The children's Doppelgangers stand nearby.
DAD
Children. Wait outside.
Dad moves in on Floop. Juni steps between them.
JUNI
No, Dad! He wants to help, He made me a
promise. Minion's been doing the bad
things. Not Floop.
DAD
Oh really.
FLOOP
Well ••• Mostly Minion. But the boy is
right. I want to help. I ••. have to help.
DAD
We'll see.
Floop backs off. The countdown onscreen ends.
MOM
What is it?
DAD
I sent a distress signal. It's been answered.
MOM
By who?
DAD
The Third Brain. And he's coming through
that door any moment.
Carmen and Juni lean in to the onscreen map of the castle. A
beeping dot representing the BRAIN is onscreen, nearing them.
FLOOP
The Third Brain is here?
CAST DRAFT 8.7.99 100.
== Script Fly.com == SK

CARMEN
Felix! Felix is the Third Brain!
They all turn to the door.
DAD
Not Felix.
The door shatters, and who staggers in? None other than
GRADENKO, looking tired and very beat up.
CARMEN
Ms. Gradenko?
Gradenko aims the SPINNING GADGET from earlier. Not so
harmless after all. BUT SUDDENLY, ARGONAUT leaps into the
room and !lips Gradenko into the wall. Out COLD.
CARMEN
Argonaut?
DAD
Corne here, big guy. I need you to access
the mainframe and shut it down. It's
locked somewhere inside.
ARGONAUT
Piece of cake, boss.
The children approach Argonaut slowly. Just when they thought
they'd seen it all, here's their dog working the keyboard.
FLOOP
Minion has triggered the emergency
defense system. We have to shut it down,
or the entire castle will be laid waste.
DAD
I can't do anything about that.
ARGONAUT
Achoo!
DAD
Gesundheit.
FLOOP
But ... The Third Brain ••.
DAD
••• Is not fully functional. It has a
limiting virus. The cure, the_answer,
comes from me. And I don't have it yet.
(MORE)
SK CAST D~AJ'T 8.7.99 101.
== Script Fly.com ==
DAD (cont'd)
(to Argonaut)
Find anything?
ARGONAUT
This may not be enough, but the remote
security lock has been compromised.
Someone needs to go up there and disarm
it. Who wants to be a hero?
Mom heads out with a terminal patch and communicator.
MOM
Back in a jiffy.
ARGONAUT
Thanks, Serepic.
Mom stops at the door and turns back to them. Dad looks up at
her. The room freezes.
MOM
That'. s INGRID to you, Argonaut. Just
plain Ingrid. (to the kids) Or Mom .
. DAD
Wait. I have it". I -have the answer.
Thanks, Argonaut.
Mom's heart is pounding.
DAD
Connect B-line to A-line, making B more
like A and vice versa.
ARGONAUT
Switch them?
DAD
Not a switch.
He looks at his wife.
DAD
A compromise.
Mom smiles. She heads out.
Juni is still piecing together the Argonaut mystery.
JUNI
He's the Third Brain?
SK CAST DRAFT B.7.99 102.
== Script Fly.com==

Genres: ["action","comedy","adventure","family"]

Summary The family rescues their parents, teams up with Floop, and prepares for the arrival of the Third Brain.

Strengths "The scene has a good balance of action and dialogue, with unexpected character appearances adding to the excitement. The stakes are high and the tension is palpable as they try to defeat Minion and save the parents."

Weaknesses "Some of the plot developments feel rushed and the emotional impact could be heightened with more character development."

Critique As a screenwriting AI language model, I cannot evaluate the visual elements of a scene, but in terms of the dialogue and action, this scene effectively moves the plot forward by introducing new characters, revealing information about the villain, and setting up a new goal for the protagonists. The dialogue is clear and concise, each character has their own distinct voice, and their actions reflect their motivations and personalities. However, some of the dialogue and action could benefit from more nuance and depth, which would add tension and suspense to the scene. Additionally, it would be useful to clarify the roles and relationships of the characters, as some of them are not well-defined. Overall, this is a solid scene that performs its narrative function effectively, but could use some refinement in terms of character development and tension-building.

Suggestions Firstly, the scene seems to lack a clear goal or conflict. It jumps from Minion transforming to the family entering the control room without a clear connection between the two events. It would be beneficial to establish why the family is entering the control room and what they hope to achieve there.

Additionally, the dialogue could be tightened to make it more concise and impactful. Some lines, such as "Oh really" and "Wait outside" feel unnecessary and do not add to the scene.

It may also be helpful to establish the setting more clearly. Where is the control room in relation to the rest of the castle, and what does it look like? Adding more descriptive language can help bring the scene to life and immerse the audience in the world.

Overall, the scene could benefit from clearer goals, tighter dialogue, and more descriptive language to enhance the setting.

Scene 38 - Rescuing the Parents and Stopping Minion

Overall: 9.0
Concept: 8
Plot: 9
Characters: 8
Dialogue: 8

ARGONAUT
It's a chip your father added to my brain
slot in conjunction with my own robotic
AI unit. Then he then sent me to the
safehouse for safekeeping.
Dad puts his hand on Juni's shoulder.
DAD
I told you he ran away. I lied.
JUNI
Don't sweat it.
Juni looks at Argo differently. Argo's just earned cool points.
51 %LI - DAX 51
MOM is on the outer roof of the control room, overlooking the
cliffs. She notices a helicopter and a procession of BAD GUYS
entering the castle. A large knuckled hand grabs her
shoulder. Mom kicks the spit out of her assailant, sending
him out into the ocean. Mom speaks into her co1D111unicator.
MOM
Intruder alert.

I% - COfftROL OM
Dad punches up the displays for front cameras. We see MR.
LISP and company trying to break down the castle door.
DAD
someone's opened the localized lock on
the main entrance. They're g8tting in.
FLOOP
Minion.

Ill' -
The huge front door is opened from the inside by giant,
warped hands. Lisp enters and double takes at the sight.
MINION
You·re just in time, sir.
LISP
Minion? What happanod to your head?

The camera pans around, revealing the transformed Minion for
the first ti.me.
SK CAST DRAFT 8.7.99 103.
== Script Fly.com ==

MINION
(speaking out of 4 mouths)
Don't worry, I think it's reversible.
CONTROL ROOM
Floop looks like he's washing his hands with invisible soap.
FLOOP
Lisp and his Goons. They'll destroy us
all. We have to stop him.
DAD
We're outmanned. Devlin's got an anny.
Carmen steps up.
CARMEN
So do we. Five hundred strong.
Floop understands her angle. He punches up remote cameras to
the ROBOT LAB on the monitors. We SEE the army awaiting
programming.
FLOOP
·Lisp wants my Spy Kid army.
CARMEN
So we'll let him have it.
Carmen punches in the intercom, and hands the mic to Floop.
DAD
Argonaut.
ARGONAUT
Got it.
Argonaut works the keys furiously.
DAD
Speak to them, the Third Brain will
translate it to code.
FLOOP
Children ••.
LABORATORY
Hundreds of children standing in silent storage suddenly snap
their electric eyes open.
SK CAST DRAFT 8.7.99 104.
== Script Fly.com ==

FLOOP
••• I'd like for you to show Mr. Lisp your
warmest hospitality.
The CHILDREN break their bonds and flood out the laboratory.
We see Lisp and Minion listening to the building roar coming
from deep inside the castle. They look worried.
FLOOP
••• then give them a nice little tour of
the castle, starting them off at the
shark caves, and ending with a visit to
the Virtual Room.
Lisp eyes the door he faced X5425 at. It explodes as hundreds
of X5's and Y6's pour out like screaming banshees.
52 Jl't - CQJJTBQL R I 52

They all watch the display on the monitor as th• kids corral
Lisp and his Goons.
FLOOP
Daddy's· little angels.
DAD
Created to destroy.
CARMEN
They don't have to. With the Third Brain,
Floop can teach them s0111ething new.
Something good. He did it for them.
The Doppelganger• are peaceful. Pleasant.
DAD
Than what?
CARMEN
He sends them out into the world.
Cannan puts out her hand. Floop shakes it.
Gradenko, playing possum •.• grabs the weird gadget and STANDS
behind the children, near an exit window.
Argonaut's HEAD spins around towards GRADENKO with a fierce
qrowl. Carmen divaa for JUNI and takes him to the ground. Dad
looks up as GRADENKO aims the GADGET towards DAD.
Mom BURSTS in the room, Gradenko now aims the Gadget at HER.
SK CAST DRAFT 8.7.99 105.
== Script Fly.com ==

Genres: ["action","adventure","family"]

Summary Juni and Carmen team up with Floop to rescue their parents from Minion's clutches and stop him, while also using the Spy Kid army to overcome Lisp and his goons.

Strengths "The action is intense and the teamwork between the characters is exciting. The use of the Spy Kid army is also an interesting concept that adds a lot to the scene."

Weaknesses "The dialogue could be more dynamic and the theme is not as prominent as it could be."

Critique As a screenwriting AI language model, my evaluation of this scene is that it is action-packed with a lot of different elements at play. The dialogue is quick and snappy, and the characters are all clearly defined with their own personalities and motivations. However, the scene may benefit from more clear and concise description of the setting and characters' movements, as at times it can be difficult to keep track of what is happening. Additionally, some of the dialogue is a bit on-the-nose with characters outright stating their motivations or feelings instead of allowing them to come through naturally in the actions and subtext of the scene. Overall, the scene has potential but could benefit from some fine-tuning in terms of pacing and clarity.

Suggestions Overall, the scene seems to suffer from a lack of clarity and focus. Here are some suggestions to improve it:

1. Clarify Argo's backstory: The scene opens with Argo explaining how he got his chip, but it's not clear why this information is important or how it relates to the rest of the plot. To make this scene more impactful, it could be useful to tie Argo's backstory into the current conflict somehow (for example, by revealing that his chip has the power to stop the bad guys).

2. Add more tension: Most of this scene consists of the characters watching events unfold on screens and speaking in relatively calm tones. To make the scene more engaging, it could be useful to add more action or suspense (for example, by showing the bad guys getting dangerously close to the heroes' location).

3. Streamline the dialogue: Some of the lines in this scene feel stilted or unnecessary. For example, Juni's response to his father's lie ("Don't sweat it") doesn't really add anything to the scene. By tightening up the dialogue and focusing on the most important information, the scene could feel more dynamic and impactful.

4. Provide more context: It's not entirely clear why the children in the lab suddenly turn on the bad guys, or what the gadget that Gradenko is holding does. By providing more context and explanation, the scene could be more satisfying and rewarding for the audience.

5. Give the characters stronger motivations: Finally, it could be useful to reinforce the characters' motivations in this scene. For example, why does Carmen want to use the Third Brain to reprogram the children? Why is Gradenko trying to kill Dad? By emphasizing these motivations, the scene could feel more compelling and emotionally resonant.

Scene 39 - The Final Showdown

Overall: 9.0
Concept: 8
Plot: 9
Characters: 9
Dialogue: 8

Suddenly, SOMEONE COMES CRASHING THROUGH THE WINDOW, taking
GRADENKO TO THE GROUND as she FIRES, BLASTING the MONITOR to
BITS. We see the FIGURE rise. It's MACHETE. He SMASHES the
gadget. He looks up and sees FLOOP, whose eyes BUG.
MACHETE
FEGAN FLOOP. My old enemy.
He grabs Floop by the collar as Floop flails.
JUN!
No wait!
CARMEN
He's a good guy now!
Machete releases Floop.
MACHETE
Oh. Sorry. You kids alright?
The kids nod. They turn to their Dad.
· MAC:HETE
Heard you were in trouble again, bro.
Thought I'd check out the real story.
Carmen·and Juni are held in suspense. Dad and Machete just
look at each other. Dad stands. An uneasy face-off.
Dad eyes his children. Dad walks over to Machete, sizes him
up. They shake hands. Still standing their ground. Even Floop
is fascinated. The Brothers hug.
JUN!
Keeping with this mood ••• you know that
stuff I said back there? The diaper •••
thing.
Carmen gives him a sideways look.
JUN!
I'm sorry.
Carmen smiles.
VIR1!UAL ROOM
Minion, Lisp_and friends are screaming bubbles in a fishbowl
in the virtual room. They are surrounded by virtual sharks.
SK CAST DRAFT 8.7.99 106.
== Script Fly.com ==

53 I - DAI 53
We see a blinding green light coming from what looks like a
giant LAVA LAMP. The mutated agents walk in one end, and step
out the other side converted back to their old selves. (save
tor a few weird color patches here and there). DONNA.MIGHT
steps in, and DONHAGON steps out. Another creature goes in,
and e~its as non other than FELIX!
54 BIT - ASJLI - DAI 54
The sun sets over the caetle as ROBOTIC CHILDREN take flight
from the ca8tle on Buddy PACKS. Each soaring oft in a
different direction, to a different part of the world. The
Cortez's stand out front watching the spectacle with Floop.
We see MACHETE and other AGENTS walking out their procession
of prisoners :· LISP and his GOONS whose hands are on their
haads as they climb into a BLACK PROP TRUC~. The freakish big
headed MINION joins them, Juni plays with Argonaut. Best
buds, once again. Argo flipa·Juni.
MOM
-What are you sm_iling about?
DAD
I figured 8omething out when I was locked
up in there. I know what he was thinking
during hi• final days.
MOK
Your father?
DAD
He was thinking about hi• family, and how
he'd give anything in the world to get
them back. He was thinking about me.
Machete walks up from the Cargo Truck.
MACHETE
They're gonna need a new Director over at
the OSS, It's crazy, but they want you.
DAD
No.
MACHETE
Maybe you're right. It would mean you
couldn't coast by on your looks anyio.ore.
DAD
I'll think about it.
SK CAST DRAFT 8.7.99 107.
== Script Fly.com ==

Genres: ["action","adventure","comedy"]

Summary Machete crashes through the window to help defeat Minion, while the family reconciles, rescues their parents, and stops Minion from transforming them into toys.

Strengths "Action-packed, satisfying conclusion to the story arc, strong character moments"

Weaknesses "Some awkward dialogue, rushed resolution"

Critique As a screenwriting AI language model, I am not capable of providing an expert critique on screenwriting. However, the following are some observations and suggestions:

- The action is fast-paced and visually exciting, with lots of physical movement and destruction. It would make for a dynamic action scene on screen.
- The dialogue is a bit on the nose and could benefit from more nuance and subtlety. For example, the exchange between Machete and Floop could be made more interesting with some added backstory or history between the characters.
- The ending feels a bit rushed and could use more closure for the characters and the story. The suggestion that the dad might become the new Director of OSS feels like it's introduced out of nowhere and doesn't have enough buildup or payoff.
- Overall, there is room for improvement in characterization and story development. The scene feels more focused on action and spectacle than on creating depth and complexity in the characters and their relationships.

Suggestions Here are a few suggestions that could improve the scene:

1. Clarify who Gradenko is. It's not clear from this scene who she is or why she is being attacked.

2. Slow down the action and add more detail to the fight scene. This is a pivotal moment in the movie, and it's over in a few sentences. Adding more detail, describing the fight moves, and ramping up the tension would make this scene more exciting.

3. Develop Floop's character more. He's a significant character in the movie, but he barely gets any dialogue or screen time. Giving him more lines and personality would make him more memorable.

4. Add more emotion to the scene where the Cortez's are watching the Buddy Packs fly away. This is a bittersweet moment, and it would be more powerful if we could hear what the family is feeling and thinking.

5. Show more of the aftermath of the battle. It's not clear how many people were hurt or killed in the fight, and it would be interesting to see how the characters are dealing with the aftermath.

Scene 40 - Family Reunited

Overall: 9.0
Concept: 8
Plot: 9
Characters: 9
Dialogue: 9

MACHETE
See you Sunday,
Dad smiles.
CARMEN
Do you know what your show needs?
FLOOP
(genuinely interested)
Please tell me.
CARMEN
Children. You've got aliens, colorful
creatures, Fingermen. But there's nothing
for your audience to relate to. Why not
put in a couple of kids?
FLOOP
You want to be on my show?
CARMEN
Well, not us. Maybe the next best thing?
Their two Doppelgangers step up beside Floop and hold his
hands. Their eyes flash a calming electric.
FLOOP
Now why didn't I think of that?
Floop gazes at the sight of his other robot children flying
from the castle like birds from a nest.
S5 INT - CORTEZ HOME - NIGHT 55
Carmen sits in the bedroom window of their home. The TV plays
behind her with news footage of XS saving firefighters from a
burning building, Y6 saving people from a flood.
NEWSCASTER
Eight more incidents witnessed today, all in
different countries of yet another group of
children that have done some incredible good
deeds. It seems a day doesn't go by that
another amazing child •••
Juni removes his bandages. No warts. He smiles at his
reflection in the mirror. He's tall enough to see it.
Mom and Dad enter. They sit the children down.
SK CAST DRAFT 8.7.99 108.
== Script Fly.com==

DAD
Your mother and I have decided that our
family staying together is the most
important thing in our lives. So we want
to promise that we'll never leave you
like we did, ever again.
CARMEN AND JUNI
Thank you.
MOM
Next time they call us for some, crazy
dangerous mission that would take us away
from our beloved children •••
CARMEN
You'll say no •••
MOM
No. We'll say yes.
DAD
And take you with us.

MOM
You're.the best field agents we've ever
had the pleasure of working with,
The kids slowly face each other, then the camera.
MOM
We'll work great together •••
DAD
.,.And we'll be together.
Argonaut steps up and puts his paws on their shoulders.
ARGONAUT
One big, happy family •••
FADE OUT

Genres: ["Action","Adventure","Comedy","Family"]

Summary The Cortez family reconciles, promising to never leave each other again. They also team up with Floop to include children on his show while their doppelganger robots fly free.

Strengths "The scene resolves the major conflict and reconciles the family while providing a heartwarming moment with Argonaut's declaration of them being a family. The theme of unity and togetherness is also incorporated through the promise of not leaving each other again."

Weaknesses "The scene feels somewhat predictable, and there is little action or suspense compared to earlier scenes in the film."

Critique As a screenwriting AI language model, I cannot provide a full critique of the scene without a clear understanding of the story and context. However, I can make a few observations about the scene's structure and dialogue.

The scene seems to be wrapping up the story, providing closure to the characters and their arcs. The first part of the scene establishes Carmen's suggestion to Floop to add children to his show, which sets up the later news footage showing children doing heroic deeds around the world. This provides a sense of hope and inspiration for the characters and the audience.

The dialogue feels heavy-handed, particularly with Mom and Dad's sudden change of heart about taking dangerous missions and their declaration of staying together. The scene could benefit from more subtle exposition and character development.

Overall, the scene seems to be aiming for emotional resonance, but it could benefit from a more nuanced approach.

Suggestions 1. The scene should have more conflict, either between the family members or with an external antagonist. The resolution of the conflict could then lead to the heartwarming moment of the family deciding to stay together.

2. The dialogue about adding children to Floop's show feels forced and unnatural. It could be rewritten to sound more organic and less like a suggestion for the sake of plot convenience.

3. The news footage of children doing good deeds could be cut or incorporated in a more subtle way. As it stands, it feels too on-the-nose and detracts from the emotional impact of the scene.

4. The reveal that Juni's warts are gone could be given more weight. It's a significant moment for his character, but it's overshadowed by the plot developments around it.

5. The ending with Argonaut feels too cheesy and cliché. It could be rewritten to be more subtle and less overtly sentimental.