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Scene 1 -  The Voight-Kampff Test
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 9
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 7

Screenplay by


July 24, 1980 Brighton Productions Inc.
1420 No. Beachwood Drive
Hollywood, Calif. 90028




It's magnified and deeply revealed. Flecks of green
and yellow in a field of milky blue. Icy filaments
surround the undulating center.

The eye is brown in a tiny screen. On the metallic
surface below, the words VOIGHT-KAMPFF are finely
etched. There's a touch-light panel across the top
and on the side of the screen, a dial that registers
fluctuations of the iris.

The instrument is no bigger than a music box and sits
on a table between two men. The man talking is big,
looks like an over-stuffed kid. "LEON" it says on
his breast pocket. He's dressed in a warehouseman's
uniform and his pudgy hands are folded expectantly in
his lap. Despite the obvious heat, he looks very cool.

The man facing him is lean, hollow cheeked and dressed
in gray. Detached and efficient, he looks like a cop
or an accountant. His name is HOLDEN and he's all
business, except for the sweat on his face.

The room is large and humid. Rows of salvaged junk
are stacked neatly against the walls. Two large fans
whir above their heads.

Okay if I talk?

Holden doesn't answer. He's centering Leon's eye on
the machine.
I kinda get nervous when I
take tests.

Don't move.


He tries not to move but finally his lips can't help
a sheepish smile.

Already had I.Q. test this year --
but I don't think I never had a...

(cutting in)
Reaction time is a factor in this,
so please pay attention. Answer
quickly as you can.

Leon compresses his lips and nods his big head eagerly.
Holden's voice is cold, geared to intimidate and evoke

You're in a desert, walking along
in the sand when all of a sudden
you look down and see a...

What one?

It was a timid interruption, hardly audible.


What desert?

Doesn't make any difference what
desert -- it's completely

But how come I'd be there?

Maybe you're fed up, maybe you
want to be by yourself -- who
knows. So you look down and
see a tortoise. It's crawling
towards you...

A tortoise. What's that?

Know what a turtle is?

Of course.

Same thing.

I never seen a turtle.

He sees Holden's patience is wearing thin.

But I understand what you mean.

You reach down and flip the
tortoise over on its back, Leon.

Keeping an eye on his subject, Holden notes the dials
in the Voight-Kampff. One of the needles quivers

You make these questions, Mr.
Holden, or they write 'em down
for you?

Disregarding the question, Holden continues, picking
up the pace.

The tortoise lays on its back,
its belly baking in the hot sun,
beating its legs trying to turn
itself over. But it can't. Not
without your help. But you're
not helping.

Leon's upper lip is quivering.

Whatcha mean, I'm not helping?

I mean you're not helping!
Why is that, Leon?

Leon looks shocked, surprised. But the needles in
the computer barely move. Holden goes for the inside
of his coat. But big Leon is faster. His LASER BURNS
a hole the size of a nickel through Holden's stomach.
Unlike a bullet, a laser causes no impact. It goes
through Holden's spine and comes out his back, clean
as a whistle. Like a rag doll he falls back off the
bench from the waist up. By the time he hits the
floor, big slow Leon is already walking away. But he
stops, turns and with a little smile of satisfaction,
FIRES at the machine on the table.

There's a flash and a puff of smoke. The Voight-Kampff
is hit dead center, crippled but not destroyed; as
Leon walks out of the room, one of its lights begins
to blink, faint but steady.


The horizon marked by a thin copper line that maybe
the end, of the beginning of a day.

The train that follows, cuts through the night at 400
miles an hour.


No clickitty-clack of track-bound noise, it's a long,
insulated Pullman of contoured seats and low-keyed
lighting, coloured to soothe,and empty, except for
the passenger half way down.

His eyes closed, head rested against the glass. Ten
years ago, DECKARD might have been an athlete, a
track man or a welter-weight. The body looks it, but
the face has seen some time -- not all of it good.
Genres: ["Science Fiction","Crime"]

Summary Deckard administers a Voight-Kampff test on Leon, a warehouseman who proves to be dangerous
Strengths "The tension builds up well to the reveal of Leon's violent tendencies, and the scene sets up Deckard's character and his job in a clear and efficient manner."
Weaknesses "The dialogue is a bit heavy-handed and the action feels a bit rushed."
Critique Overall, the scene is well-written and establishes the setting and tone effectively. The juxtaposition of the close-up of the eye with the stark setting of the locker room creates a sense of tension and unease. The dialogue between Leon and Holden is also well-constructed, with the questions and responses building suspense and revealing important information about the characters.

However, there are a few areas for improvement. First, there are some minor formatting errors, such as missing spaces between character names and dialogue. Second, the action beats could be more descriptive and specific, particularly when it comes to character movement and physical reactions. Lastly, while the dialogue is engaging, the character of Deckard could be introduced more clearly, as the reader is left to infer his identity and purpose in the scene.

Overall, the scene is a strong start to the screenplay, but could benefit from some additional attention to detail and character development.
Suggestions Overall, the scene is well-written with good use of imagery and description. However, here are a few suggestions:

1. The scene could benefit from more clear character introductions. The names of Leon and Holden are mentioned in passing, but it would help the audience to have a more definitive introduction to the characters, such as through a shot of them entering the locker room or a close-up shot framing their faces.

2. The dialogue could be made more concise and impactful. Some of the lines, like Holden's "Don't move" or Leon's "Sorry" and "Whatcha mean, I'm not helping?" feel unnecessary or too on-the-nose. Streamlining the dialogue could make the scene more tense and engaging.

3. The introduction of Deckard feels a bit abrupt and disconnected from the Leon and Holden scene. Consider introducing him earlier or finding a smoother way to transition to his character.

4. The visual descriptions could be made more specific and evocative. For example, when describing the train, the script could describe the color and texture of the seats or the lighting more vividly to help the audience feel immersed in the environment.

5. Consider adding more physical action or movement to the scene to bring it to life. For example, as Holden is centering Leon's eye on the machine, there could be more specific details about how he's doing this physically (using a tool, adjusting a mechanism, etc.) to make the scene more dynamic.

Scene 2 -  Blade Runner - Scene 2
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 9
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 7
  • Dialogue: 7

Deckard comes down the aisle, slips a coin into the
mechanism, receives a beer and returns to his seat.


Tired of the program, he takes off the headset and
drops it next to three empty beer bottles and a
sandwich wrapper, adjusts his position and winds up
staring at his reflection in the window. Runs a
hand over his face, it could use a shave. He leans
closer and peers through the glass.

Out there in the black a sign flashes past: SAN


The train slides in, smooth as an eel, and stops with-
out a sound. Carrying a bag and umbrella, Deckard
disembarks ahead of the other passengers and into the
sweltering night.


Deckard has got his coat swung over his shoulder, his
shirt already damp, as he walks down the long, hollow
passage under orbs of yellow light.


Deckard unlocks his car and gets in. Turns the ig-
nition and hits a sensor. The dash console glows
and Deckard sits back waiting for the air unit to cool
things off.

It was 97 degrees in the city and
no hope of improvement. Not bad
if you're a lizard. But two hours
earlier I was drinking Acquavit
with an Eskimo lady in North East
Alaska. That's a tough change to
make. It was so good, I didn't
want to leave, so I left a day

A little detached, Deckard taps another sensor on the
panel, lights up a cigarette and watches as his mes-
sages flash across the viewer stating date, time and
caller. The last one is repeated five times. Deckard
sighs, switches off the viewer and gets on the radio.

Contact. This is Blade Runner One
calling Com-fast 27.

The SOUND OF A CHIME precedes the mechanical female
voice that answers.

Blade Runner One, stand by please.

A pause. Followed by a husky male voice.


Yah, Gaff.

Where the hell you been?

You know where I been. I been on
Next time you go on vacation,
do me a favor, let us know where
it is.

What's up?

Holden got hit.

There is a pause. That was bad news.


Severed spine. You'd better get
in here. Bryant's waiting for you.

I'll see you in a minute.

The ENGINE REVS, the wipers rake two weeks of dust off
the windshield and Deckard jams out of the lot.


An enormous grey vault of a building. A businesslike
Deckard strides down a long corridor with his brief-
case and police ID pinned to his coat.

I-X-4-P-D referred to as a Nexus-6,
The Tyrell Corporation's new pride
and joy. Holden was administering
the Voight-Kampff test when one
nailed him.

The door in front of Deckard slides open and he walks

The Nexus-6 must be fast because
Holden was as quick as they come.
The report said there were six of
them. Three males and three female.
Led by a combat model called Roy
Genres: ["science-fiction","film-noir"]

Summary Deckard receives a call to return to work after learning that his colleague, Holden, was severely injured during a Voight-Kampff test on a Nexus-6 replicant.
Strengths "The scene sets the tone and establishes the sci-fi-noir world of the film. The stakes are high and the conflict is compelling."
Weaknesses "The dialogue is a bit stiff, and the character development is limited."
Critique Overall, the scene is well-written and effectively moves the story along. The description of the train and its smooth arrival is vivid and sets the tone of the setting. The use of voiceover narration provides important exposition and backstory without overloading the scene with dialogue. The character of Deckard is established as a rugged, detached protagonist through his actions and demeanor.

One area of improvement could be in the pacing. The scene lingers on Deckard's exit from the train and journey to his car for a bit too long, slowing down the momentum of the story. Some of this could be trimmed to keep the scene moving. Additionally, the conversation between Deckard and Gaff on the radio doesn't seem to have much urgency, despite the news of Holden's attack. This could be heightened to add more tension and conflict to the scene.

Overall, though, the scene effectively establishes the setting and moves the story forward while introducing important characters and conflicts.
Suggestions Suggestions for improving this scene:

1. Add more visual and sensory details to make the setting and action more vivid. For example, describe the sound of the train as it moves, the smell of the sandwich wrapper, the feel of the hot air on Deckard's skin, etc.

2. Develop Deckard's character and backstory more. Show why he is tired of the program and what kind of person he is beyond his actions in this scene. This will help the audience connect with him and care about his journey.

3. Use more active and dynamic language to create a sense of tension and urgency. Instead of "Deckard comes down the aisle," consider "Deckard jostles past other passengers in the cramped aisle, his eyes fixed on the refreshment dispenser."

4. Find ways to build suspense and foreshadow the events to come. For example, instead of simply stating that Holden got hit, show how Deckard reacts to the news and build up to the reveal of the Nexus-6. This will make the scene more engaging and keep the audience on the edge of their seat.

Scene 3 -  Investigating the Nexus-6
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 9
  • Dialogue: 8

The INSPECTOR is in his fifties. The deep creases in
his face, the broken capillaries in his nose say
brawler, spoiler, drinker, but the diplomas on the
wall say something else. Bryant's kneeled at his safe
trying to open it. Deckard it sitting on the edge of
the desk reading the print-out.

They escaped from the colonies
two weeks ago. Killed twenty-
three people and jumped a shuttle.
An aerial patrol found the ship
in the desert. No crew.

Bryant gets the safe open and brings out a bottle of

Bryant's got a liver problem. A
couple years back he handed me a
bottle and said have a drink for
another man. I been drinking
for him ever since.

Deckard sets down the report and takes the shot Bryant
just poured for him.

Six, huh?

Five. Three nights ago one of
them managed to break into the
Tyrell Corporation. Killed two
guards and got as far as the
Genetic Sector before he got
fried going through an electro-

What was he after?

There wasn't much left of him,
so we can't be sure. But bio-
chemical data and morphology records
of the Nexus-6 were reported
missing. Going on the possibility
they might try to infiltrate we
send Holden in to run Voight-Kampff
tests on the new employees. Guess
he found himself one.

A grim pause.

You got a machine on it yet?

We're using Esper -- a 231 -- that
picked up Holden's alarm. Its
guess is that all five are in
the city.

Where do we start?

Bryant's back at the safe locking up his bottle.

The Tyrell Corporation has a
demo model. Check it out on the
Voight-Kampff. There's a chance
the Nexus-6 is beyond out ability
to detect. If that's the case,
everybody's up shit creek.

What was the cover on the one that
got Holden?

Industrial refuse.

Garbage man?

Bryant nods.

Did personnel have an address on

Bryant fishes a piece of paper out of his pocket,
copies down a number and hands it over.

I'll go take a look.

Deckard stands and holds up his drink.


Like a sick boy looking out of the window, Bryant
watches Deckard down the whiskey. Deckard puts down
the glass and turns to leave.

The big incentive to emigrate was
still free labor. If the public
found out that their door-prizes
might kill them, they might not be
so hot to go up there. This was
one of the worst one's we had and
Bryant was worried. He wanted to
tell me to be discrete or something.
But I didn't give him a chance.

An electrical storm is brewing. Deckard stands out-
side the entrance to an old hotel holding an umbrella,
as people scuttle into doorways to avoid the sudden


A heavy metal maze of cubicles and perilous iron
balconies, peopled with rejects from the surface world;
Mato Grosso Indians in white man's clothes and other
lower echelon welfare recipients. Drop city is crowded,
cramped and darkly alive.

Deckard steps out of an elevator and moves through the
crowd. A cloud of steam drifts up through a grating
as two old men, clad in towels descend a flight of
stairs under a neon sign that says bath house.

A musty subterranean wind ripples Deckard's clothes as
he turns into an alcove. He stops in front of a door
that says, MANAGER and pushes the buzzer. It's opened
by an emphysema victim with an oxygen tank lashed to
his hip. Deckard flashes his ID and speaks some words
which are inaudible due to the TUBA MUSIC down the hall.
The man grabs a key from his wall, hands it over and
shuts the door.


The companion ways below deck of a big ship are no
more bewildering than the ups and downs and ins and
outs of this establishment. But Deckard finds the door
he's looking for. He pauses a moment, listens, then
knocks. He inserts the key and with a hand on his gun
opens it.


An empty room. A cot and not much else. He steps in
and stands quiet as a hunter sensing the signs. For a
place surrounded by greasy hovels it is surprisingly
clean. Spartan in fact. The towel by the spotless
basin is perfectly folded.

Deckard runs two fingers over a shelf. No dust. He
looks in the waste basket. Wadded up candy wrappers.
The bed by the window is neatly made. Deckard looks
under it, then runs his hands along both sides of the

The closet. There's one suit in it. He pats it down.
Nothing. A show box on the floor. He stoops, takes
out what looks like a pen from his pocket and care-
fully traces it over the box. Assured of its harm-
lessness, he lifts off the lid.
It contains a little stack of photos bound with a
rubber band. Deckard removes them, goes to the lamp
by the balcony window and turns it on.

A touching collection of family snapshots. The kind of
anonymous stuff sold by the bunch in dusty junk shops.
The family dog. Junior on the pony squinting in the
sun. Uncle Ben clowning with the kids. The faded
polaroid of Christmas morning. Simple pictures of
simple folks celebrating the family bond. A curious
collection for the likes of Leon and Deckard studies
them with interest.
Genres: ["Sci-Fi","Thriller"]

Summary Deckard and Inspector Bryant discuss the recent events and Deckard starts his investigation by checking the hotel room of a suspected replicant.
Strengths "The tension and stakes are high with replicants on the loose. The scene sets up the conflict of the plot and reinforces the theme of dangerous technology. The dialogue between Deckard and Bryant establishes their personalities and backstory."
Weaknesses "The scene is heavy on exposition and lacks any action or visual interest. The characters are not yet fully developed or nuanced."
Critique The scene is well-written and efficiently establishes the character of Inspector Bryant and his relationship with Deckard. The dialogue is natural and reveals important information about the case they are working on. There is also a strong sense of setting in both the office and the hotel, which adds to the atmosphere of the scene.

However, there are a few areas for improvement. The description of Deckard reading a print-out could be more specific to give the reader a clearer idea of what he is looking at. The transition to the hotel could also be smoother, as it jumps abruptly from the office to the lobby without much context or transition. Finally, while the family photos are a nice touch, their significance to the overall story is not yet clear, so it would be helpful to foreshadow their importance more strongly in this scene.
Suggestions 1. Show more action: In this scene, there is a lot of dialogue and not much action. To make the scene more engaging, add some visual elements to create a better sense of atmosphere and setting. For example, add more details about the office, including props, lighting, and camera angles to make the scene more visually interesting.

2. Add more conflict: The scene lacks a sense of tension and conflict. Consider adding more conflict between the characters, such as a disagreement over how to proceed with the investigation or a difference in their motivations and goals.

3. Develop characters: The two main characters in this scene need to be fleshed out. Consider giving them more backstory, adding more depth to their personalities, and showing their motivations for their actions. This will make them more relatable to the audience.

4. Shorten the dialogue: The dialogue in this scene is quite long and dense, which can be difficult for the audience to follow. Consider rewriting some of the dialogue to make it more concise and focused, while still conveying the necessary information to the audience.

5. Add more suspense: The scene lacks suspense and mystery. Consider adding more suspenseful elements to the scene, such as using music, lighting, and camera angles to create a sense of tension and anticipation for the audience.

Scene 4 -  The Replicant Underground
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 9
  • Dialogue: 8

Oblivious to the cloudburst, a blue-eyed albino stands
in the doorway, peddling candy and artificial flowers
looking like he'd never been touched by the light of

Leon is standing behind him, staring up at his room,
watching Deckard at the window. He's still wearing
his coveralls, but he looks different. His face is
more intent, smarter and angry.


For one seething moment it looks like Leon might mash
something, but suddenly he swings away and disappears
into the crowd.


Deckard pockets the pictures and moves away from the


Leon's got a neck like a fire hydrant and legs to
match, but he's a graceful runner. Looks like he could
do it for days. And he could. He's put a lot of alley
behind him and he's not out of breath.


Slowing down he cuts into an opening and comes out onto
a narrow street. The Asian Quarter.


A seamy as well as steamy little place. Counter and
small tables. Old slant-eyed enders humped over their
fuming bowls jabbering and slurping.

The only voice coming out clear is from the big three-
D TV on the back wall. As the mellow-mouthed TV
announcer delivers the message, a Latin-looking beauty
in a well-fitted maids uniform does a twirl, flashes
a beguiling smile and glides OUT OF FRAME.

Choose from a variety of seventy
nine different personality types.
Each and every one a loyal trouble-
free companion given to you upon
your arrival absolutely free...

The Latin beauty is replaced by an impeccable Ray
Bolger type gentleman's gentleman who clicks his heels,
snaps to attention and struts off to make room for the

To use as personal body servant
to tireless field hand -- the
custom tailored humanoid robot,
designed especially for your

The Chinese are paying no attention, but the man and
the woman seated at the table by the window are.

The woman is pretty, a touch of gray in her hair, kind
and blue-eyed. MARY looks like an American dream mom,
right out of "Father Knows Best."

The man also resembles a tradition: the gym instructor,
short cropped hair with the body of a drill sergeant,
but the eyes are grey and chilling. ROY BATTY is a
presence of force with a lazy, but acute sense of what
goes on around him.

Leon has just come through the door behind them. Try-
ing not to be the bull in a china shop, he approaches
their table and kneels . Batty doesn't bother to look
at him, which amplifies the note of sarcasm in his
quiet voice.

Did you get your precious 'things'?

Somebody was already there.


Just a man.

Police man.
Leon looks sullen.

Why don't you have a seat.

There's one next to him. Leon pulls it over and sits.

Enjoy the view.

From the pot on the table, Mary pours tea and they sit
so quiet and still in this noisy place that they seem
almost invisible. The view they're "enjoying" is
through the window. Outside the neon side in the win-
dow directly across the street says: HANNIBAL CHEW,


Chew is a spindly old man of precision, his veiled
eyes are shrewd and Chinese, but the rest of him
looks like a Charles Dickens invention.

He's got a jewelers' glass stuck in his eye, lurched
over a lamp, squinting at something in his hand. After
a moment his lips peal back into a sour, belligerent

Well, you're right. This little
honey has a couple of defective cones.

He snaps off the lamp and swings round to face his

SEBASTIAN'S face is almost young, but something has
gone too far, too fast. Premature old age has made
his bones brittle and his co-ordination slow. The
house may be dark but there's a light on in it. Se-
bastian is a closet genius.

You're a regular perfectionist,

Sebastian's apologetic, especially around the acerbic
Mr. Chew.

It's gotta be right for my

Your customer, eh?

Chew snickers and beckons. Sebastian follows his down
a high narrow hall to a heavy insulated door. There's
a moth-eaten full length fur coat hanging by it. Chew
tugs it on and they go through. The big door slams
shut behind them.
Genres: ["sci-fi","noir"]

Summary Deckard investigates a suspected replicant by going to a chop suey house and then Chew's shop.
Strengths "Compelling introduction to the replicants' motivations"
Weaknesses "Slow pacing"
Critique Overall, the scene is well written with vivid descriptions and strong characterizations. The pacing is also effective, as the action moves smoothly from one location to another, and tension builds with the introduction of ominous characters like Leon and Roy Batty.

One possible critique is that the scene appears to lack a clear conflict or goal for the protagonist, Deckard. While he is shown observing Leon and later collecting evidence, it is not immediately clear what he is trying to achieve or what obstacles he must overcome.

Additionally, some of the dialogue feels a bit on-the-nose, such as the announcer's voice describing the robots as "trouble-free companions." While this may be necessary exposition for the audience, it could be delivered in a more subtle or naturalistic way.

Overall, the strengths of the scene outweigh any minor flaws, and it effectively sets up the intrigue and tension for the upcoming action in the story.
Suggestions 1. Clarify the purpose of the scene: It is not clear what the purpose of this scene is. It could be to introduce the character of Leon or to establish the setting of Chinatown. It could be improved by identifying a clear goal and motivation for the main character(s).

2. Make the dialogue more meaningful: The dialogue in this scene is vague and lacks depth. The characters could benefit from more meaningful exchanges that reveal their personalities and motivations.

3. Add visual detail: The scene could be improved by adding visual details that help the audience imagine the setting and characters more vividly.

4. Increase the tension and conflict: The scene lacks tension and conflict. Adding some conflict or obstacles, such as an argument or disagreement between the characters, could make the scene more engaging.

5. Use camera movements and angles effectively: The script could benefit from using camera movements and angles to add visual interest and heighten the drama. For example, a close-up on a character's face during a tense moment could help build tension.

6. Add subtext: The scene could be improved by adding more subtext, such as hidden meanings or agendas. This could deepen the complexity of the characters and their relationships.

7. Tighten the pacing: The scene feels slow at times and could benefit from tighter pacing. Removing unnecessary dialogue or actions could help speed up the scene and keep the audience engaged.

8. Use sensory details: Adding sensory details such as the smell of the food, the sound of the steam, or the feel of the damp air could help make the scene more immersive.

Scene 5 -  Meeting Pris
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 9
  • Plot: 7
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 9

Except for the work table with its sharp gleaming in-
struments, the room is as barren and sterile as a
morgue. The glass-doored compartments in the walls
look like crypts. Some of them small as post office
boxes. From one of the Chew removes a vacuum, packed
box. Carefully separating the seal, he reaches into
the purple jell and with a pair of tweezers extracts
an eye.

Through the jeweler's glass, which he has not bothered
to remove, Chew holds the eye up to the light and
studies it a moment. His other hand searches through
his pockets.

You got a pocket-charger, boy?

Quick to accommodate, Sebastian removes a pencil-like
device from a row of such things in his breast pocket
and steps closer. The back of the eye is touched with
the pencil and the pupil moves. Suddenly its staring
back at them.

Is that good enough for your

Anxious to leave, Sebastian nods. Chew reseals the
eye taking his time. He can afford to, he's wearing
his coat.

How much is he paying you?

In place of an answer, Sebastian clears his throat,
stares at the bag like he didn't hear.

Well, when do you get paid?

Soon as I finish the job.

When might that be?

Day after tomorrow.

Oh! Day after tomorrow.
Sebastian nods. Chew stares at the poor bastard, con-
cerned in spite of himself.

The rich hate to pay, Sebastian.
A guy like Tyrell keeps you waiting.
Pay the little guy last. You should
charge twice as much. It'll make
him feel better.

Sebastian nods his head like that's exactly what he'll
do. Chew sees it's hopeless and hands him the bag.

Thanks, Mr. Chew.

Chew pulls the door open for him and Sebastian goes
through quick as a dog.


Sebastian may lack co-ordination but he got what he
came for and there's a hopeful spring to his walk as
he heads for his truck.


It's an old panel job with ambulance siren and lights.
The lettering on the side reads "J.R. SEBASTIAN -
ANIMOID EXPRESS." Sebastian gets in, starts up the
engine and suddenly realizes he's not alone. It's a
jolt that causes him to yelp.

PRIS is sprawled on the seat next to him, and wakes up
with a yelp of her own. They stare at one another for
a startled instant, and she jumps out and starts walk-

But she's forgotten her little beat-up overnight case.
Sebastian puts the truck in gear, drives next to her
and opens the door.

Hey! You forgot your...

He holds up the bag. Hesitantly she reaches for it.

How come you were in my truck?

I was tired and didn't have any
place to go.

She stares at him, hand on her case, looking lost.
Sebastian isn't good at this, but he tries.
You can get back in if you want...

She can't make up her mind.

Don't worry, I won't hurt you.

She gets in. Both of them are silent. People are not
Sebastian's medium -- usually he's too shy, but this
girl is shyer still, plus they're about the same age --
it gives him courage.

What's your name?


Mine's J.F. Sebastian.


So pleased with the way that went, he forgets for a
while what comes next.

Oh! Where do you want to go?

She shrugs. That leaves him a lot of responsibility.
He throws her side-long glances, but she's not helping.

You want to go home?

I don't have one.


What do you do with a teenage beauty who looks like
she's lost out of some "Welcome to Sunny Arizona"

Where are your folks?

They left.

What about friends?
I have some, but I have to find
out where they are staying.

She leans forward and rests her elbows on the dash.
Her body would win prizes, from any angle.

Well, where should I take you?

She looks at him,a shadow of enticement in her clear
blue eyes.

We scared each other pretty good
didn't we?

We sure did.

She giggles and laughs.

I'm hungry, J.F.

I've got stuff. If you wanna go
to my place?

I was hoping you'd say that.

Sebastian's face is normally on the grey side, but it
just turned red. He turns on the ignition and they
pull away from the curb.
Genres: ["science fiction","drama"]

Summary Sebastian picks up Pris, a teenager who looks lost and has nowhere to go. They make their way to his apartment as they get to know each other.
Strengths "The dialogue between the two characters is well-written and intriguing. The setting adds to the eerie atmosphere of the film."
Weaknesses "The scene lacks significant plot development and does not add much to the overall story."
Critique Overall, the scene is well-written and engaging. The description of the cold storage room is vivid and paints a clear picture of the setting. The dialogue between the characters is natural and believable, adding depth and dimension to their personalities.

However, there are a few areas where the scene could be improved. First, the introduction of Pris feels a bit abrupt and out of place. It's not clear why she's suddenly in Sebastian's truck, and her backstory is only briefly touched upon. This makes her feel like a plot device rather than a fully developed character.

Additionally, there are a few moments where the dialogue feels a bit forced or cliche. For example, Sebastian's offer to take Pris home feels contrived and unnatural. In general, the scene could benefit from more nuance and subtlety in the characters' interactions.

Overall, though, the scene is well-crafted and engages the reader's attention. With a few tweaks and revisions, it could be even stronger.
Suggestions Here are some suggestions for improving the scene:

1. Add more description and sensory details to create a more vivid image of the cold storage room. What does it smell like? What are the sounds in the room?

2. Consider adding more dialogue and conflict between Chew and Sebastian. Right now, the conversation is not very dynamic and could benefit from more tension and drama.

3. Develop Pris's character more fully by giving her more dialogue and actions. Right now, she seems fairly passive and undefined.

4. Give more context about why Sebastian needs the eye. What is the purpose of the eye? Who is the customer he is working for?

5. Add more detail to the setting of the truck and the drive to Sebastian's place. What does the street look like? What are the sounds and smells of the city at night?

Scene 6 -  Communication and Chase
  • Overall: 7.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 7
  • Characters: 6
  • Dialogue: 7

Speeding along the freeway. The terminal in the com-
munications console lit. Deckard's right hand just
finished a punch-up. The screen flashes back.


Deckard punches up. Letters flash across the screen:


Screen flashes back:


Deckard punches up.


Screen flashes:


Deckard's voice has been heard over the preceding.

Machines can be helpful sometimes,
but they can also be a pain in the
ass. Ask for a trace on a forger
and you might wind up at a steel-
mill. I don't mind a bum-steer once
in a while -- it's their personalities
that usually get me. Somebody once
said that man makes machines in his own
image. If that's true, whoever made
Esper should have been shot.

This is Esper and I'm ready. Go
ahead please.

Esper's deep melodious voice is anxious to please, and
oiled with a touch of self-pity.

You equipped for random questions?

Why, yes, of course.

You start.

The five in question are third
generation Nexus Sixes, constructed
of skin-flesh culture, selected
enogenic transfer conversion
capable of self-perpetuating
thought, para-physical abilities
and developed for emigration
program. Are you with me?

How do I stop one?

Unlike a five, they can sustain
massive traumas to several parts
of the body without debilitating
another. Sever a leg and it will
perform quicker on the remaining leg
than the fastest man can run,

Okay, but...

I'm coming to that. Vulnerable
zone is the base of the skull,
the occipital bone. A direct hit
is a positive retirement.

The communication is interrupted by a BELL which is
immediately followed by a stern, MECHANICAL VOICE.

You are in violation of traffic
ordinance M-139 statutory freeway
limit restricted by one-hundred
and eighty kilometers.

In his rear view mirror Deckard sees two black-clad
motorcycle cops coming up behind him like the hounds
of hell. They draw silently alongside. Deckard
presses his I.D. to the window.

The cop tosses a salute to Deckard and he and his
partner accelerate, vanish in the night. And Deckard's
car does too.


A district of silence and ruin. The street is strewn
with refuse. The building looks vacant. A ten storey
condo gone to shit. The vandals have come and gone
long ago.

Sebastian's little white ambulance parked at the curb.
MR. DEETCHUM, the old Watchman, sitting in the building
entry in a straight backed chair, is reading a comic
Genres: ["science fiction","crime"]

Summary Deckard receives information about how to retire Nexus-6 replicants and then evades motorcycle cops on the freeway as he heads to Sebastian's apartment building.
  • Suspenseful tone
  • Introduction of a new tool for Deckard's investigation
  • Lack of character development
Critique Overall, this scene could benefit from some more clarity and structure in terms of its purpose and the actions taking place. It seems to jump around quite a bit between a scene of Deckard using his communications console and a conversation with Esper.

Specifically, there are a few things that could be improved:

- The purpose of the scene is unclear. It seems to be setting up some backstory about Deckard's relationship with machines and introducing the idea of Nexus Sixes, but it's not clear how this relates to the rest of the story or what it's building towards.
- The dialogue between Deckard and Esper is intriguing but could benefit from more context. It's not clear who Esper is or why Deckard is having this conversation with them.
- The actions taking place in Deckard's car are not very engaging or visually interesting. It might be worth considering how to use the visuals of the freeway and the police chase to create more tension and excitement.
- The scene ends on a somewhat anticlimactic note with an image of an old watchman reading a comic book. This could be cut or better integrated into the scene to avoid disrupting the flow.

Overall, the scene could benefit from more clarity in terms of its purpose and structure, as well as more visual interest and tension.
Suggestions 1. Tighten the dialogue: The dialogue can be tightened by removing unnecessary pauses and repetition. For example, the pause after "BLADE RUNNER ONE CODE ML-33" can be removed, as it does not add any value to the scene.

2. Cut down on technical jargon: While some technical jargon is necessary to establish the world of the film, it can also make the scene difficult to follow for the audience. Simplifying some of the jargon could make the scene more accessible.

3. Add tension: The scene lacks tension and stakes. Adding some urgency, such as the approaching motorcycle cops, could add tension and raise the stakes.

4. Make the scene more visual: As a visual medium, film relies heavily on visuals to tell the story. Adding some more visual elements to the scene, such as the rundown surroundings of Sebastian's apartment building, could add richness and depth to the world of the film.

5. Develop characters: The characters in the scene need more development. It is difficult for the audience to connect with them when they are simply exchanging information. Developing their personalities, motivations, and relationships could make them more engaging and memorable.

Scene 7 -  Sebastian's Apartment
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 10
  • Dialogue: 8

Well stocked with items of survival, all labeled and
stacked. And shelved along the walls and hung from the
ceiling is a menagerie of animoids. Like so many broken
toys awaiting resurrection from Sebastian's wise hands.

Sebastian is seated at a large work-table, bent over a
stereo scope. The tool in his right hand is a sensor
probe and he's using it with the delicacy of an en-

The object of his concentration is a maze-like chip
configuration no bigger than a thumbnail, but magnified
under the scope, it looks like an aerial view of a
large city. The needle-like sensor probe moves care-
fully over the contours of the configuration, testing
the bonds.
Suddenly a blue flash erupts from one of the junctures.


Pris is light on her feet. She's standing behind him
with a half-eaten sandwich in her hand.

Whatcha doin'?

You scared me.

But he's happy to see her.

I'm working.

She's changed her dress and made up her face. Looks a
little older and sexier.

You look... better.

Just better.



He watches her as she prowls around the room, looking
at this and that, eating her sandwich.

And you live in this building all
by yourself?

Yeah, I live here pretty much
alone right now...

Trying to make light of it.

No housing shortage around here...
plenty of room for everybody.

She sprawls on the couch studying him.

How old are you?

He can't meet her eyes.

What's your problem?

It's not an easy subject. His voice is barely audible.

Methuselah Syndrome.

What's that?

My glands. They grow old too fast.

Is that why you're still here?

Yes. I couldn't pass the test.

There is a silence. He steals a glance at her.

I like you just the way you are.

Under the desk he bats his knees together.

Ah, you get hold of your friends?

As a matter of fact I did. They've
got some work to do tonight, but
they're gonna come tomorrow.


The implications catch up.

I can sleep on the couch.

A little gray mouse on the shelf above his head bobs

Don't let the bed bugs bite!

Taking their cue from the mouse, some of the more
talented animoids toot, flap and wheel about.

It's dark except for the glow of the terminal. A tired
Deckard sits in front of it. Esper sounds like he's
been talking for hours.

Nexus designated Leon: incept
date April 10th, 2015 -- to be
used in military experiments to
determine how hyper metabolism
functions in deep space.
Nexus designated Batty incept
data April 10th, 2015, combat
model, level of self-sufficiency,

A long pause.

Here's something you might find
interesting. They have been built
to emulate the human in every way
except in its emotional spectrum.
However, after a period of time
it is only logical that such a
'mechanism' would create its own
emotional responses, hate, love,
fear, anger, envy.

I know all that.

What about a summary then.

I think we're through for the night.

Deckard starts to reach for the panel.

Mr. Deckard.



Do you have something against

Not if it works.

And what in your estimation works?
The umbrella.

Deckard picks up the umbrella and with it stabs the
terminal off button before Esper can respond and the
machine goes dead. He sits there for a moment then
flips on the lamp. Leon's snap-shots are spread out
before him.
Genres: ["Science Fiction","Drama"]

Summary Sebastian introduces Pris to his animal-resurrecting laboratory while the two bond over age and loneliness. Meanwhile, Deckard learns more about replicants.
Strengths "Strong character development, worldbuilding, and setup for future development."
Weaknesses "Slow pacing and lack of plot progression."
Critique Overall, this scene is well-written and engaging, effectively setting up the character of Sebastian and his situation with Methuselah Syndrome. The introduction of Pris adds a layer of tension and intrigue to the scene, and the dialogue between them is well-crafted, revealing additional information about both characters.

However, the description of Sebastian's apartment and the animoids could benefit from more specific details and sensory language to really immerse the audience in the environment. Additionally, the transition to Deckard's apartment feels abrupt and could benefit from some context or a smoother transition.

Overall, the scene effectively establishes character and sets up future plot points, but could benefit from some additional attention to detail.
Suggestions Overall, the scene could benefit from some more visual and sensory detail to engage the audience beyond just dialogue. Here are some suggestions:

- Establishing shot: Consider opening the scene with a brief establishing shot of the apartment, so the audience can orient themselves. This could be a wide shot of the apartment, or a close-up of one of the animoids.
- Descriptions of animoids: Since animoids are a unique aspect of this world, it would add interest to describe them more vividly - what kinds of animals do they resemble? What are some interesting features they have? What sounds do they make?
- Sensory detail: What does Sebastian's apartment smell like? What sounds are there beyond the animoids? What does it feel like to move around the room? Adding sensory details can help immerse the audience in the world and make the scene feel more alive.
- Body language: In the dialogue between Pris and Sebastian, think about adding more body language and facial expressions to convey their emotions beyond just their words. Small gestures like Sebastian batting his knees together could help convey his nervousness.
- Tension: To add some tension, consider cutting back and forth between Sebastian and Deckard's scenes, hinting at the danger to come. Maybe Deckard hears some commotion outside his apartment, or Sebastian's sensors detect something unexpected.
- Visual cues: Consider adding interesting visual cues that could later become callbacks, like the little gray mouse warning Sebastian not to let the bed bugs bite. This could add an element of foreshadowing and make the scene feel more cohesive.

Scene 8 -  Deckard Goes to Tyrell Corporation
  • Overall: 10.0
  • Concept: 9
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 10
  • Dialogue: 8

A police marked spinner makes a sharp bank, drops into
a steep curve and slides towards the Tyrell Corporation.

Every government that could was
racing to populate their colonial
territory. But emigrants needed
incentive. Over-population and
the greenhouse factor didn't seem
to be enough; but owning a human
look-a-like had lots of appeal.
It was big industry, the competition
was stiff and Tyrell was top of the


The spinner gently touches down. The hatch drops open
and Deckard steps out.

His claim to fame was making a
product more human than human and
sometimes the 'more' turned out to
be a problem. This wasn't just an
escaped andy who broke his owner's
arm -- there were twenty-eight
people dead and the pressure was


Deckard walks up to a desk, hands his I.D. to a guard
who checks it against a list on a screen.

But so far they'd always managed
to keep it quiet. Not to say
that once in a while there wasn't
bad publicity. Some fanatic
bitching about equal rights for
andies or an occasional trade union
proclaiming it was aun-American for
automatons to take jobs away from
humans on the colony.
The guard hands Deckard back his I.D., pushed a button
and Deckard walks away.

But what's more American than good
old supply and demand? The
Government needed them, industry
made them and the church backed
them. The big religious boys
said that Androids, no matter how
human, were objects; only God
could make people. I'm not religious,
but I was inclined to agree.
Otherwise I'd be out of a job.

The elevator door slides open. The young lady inside
would look right standing on a cliff, hair blowing in
the wind, looking out to sea in a 19th Century painting.

Hello, Mr. Deckard. My name is

Deckard tips his head to her and steps in.


No woman can be all things to all men, the Rachael comes
closer than most. The only trouble is she's all busi-
ness. Formidable without really trying. Some beauty
is better avoided and Deckard looks straight ahead.


The door slides open and they continue down the corri-

It seems your department doesn't
believe out new unit is to the
public benefit.

A humanoid robot is like any other
machine, it can be a benefit or a
hazard. If it's a benefit, it's
not our problem.

But because your department can't
do an adequate job in detecting
the miniscule number at large,
it's a problem. Correct, Mr.

They pass into a canopied, air-filtered corridor.
Deckard doesn't answer the question because he's looking
at the animals. Small northern animals in neat "en-
vironmental" cages. He looks at the rabbit, the raccoon
and the squirrel, but the owl asleep on its perch stops
him. The armed guard at the exit never takes his eyes
off them.

You like our owl?

Deckard nods. Rachael claps her hands. The owl opens
its yellow eyes and blinks at them.

It's artificial?

Of course not.

Hands thrust in her pockets, she strides off towards
the exit without looking back.

The exit is another tube. Just big enough for two. No
room for excess. He tries to ignore her cool appraising

You're in a very unique position,
Mr. Deckard. You could affect the
future of this entire organization
according to how you work your
little test.

Deckard has nothing to say.

Are you apprehensive?

Why should I be?

For the responsibility of your
power. Being a police bureaucrat,
you've got more than your share.

The door slides open. Deckard looks down at her.

You got it wrong, girl. I work
with the bureau not for them.

He lets it sink in.

My job isn't to detect
malfunctioning andies, it's to
eliminate them. The more the

He walks out of the elevator first.
Genres: ["sci-fi","drama","thriller"]

Summary Deckard goes to the Tyrell Corporation to learn more about replicants, and meets Rachael, who wants him to test a new unit. They discuss the responsibility of power and the role of the police in eliminating malfunctioning replicants.
Strengths "The scene sets up key plot points regarding replicants and their creation, and introduces an important new character, Rachael. The dialogue is well-written and helps to develop both Deckard and Rachael's characters."
Weaknesses "The action is limited, making this a slower-paced, dialogue-heavy scene that may not appeal to all audiences. "
Critique The scene sets up the world-building and premise of the story effectively. The dialogue is mostly expositional and used to introduce the viewer to the society in which the story takes place, but it is well-written and compelling. The scene succeeds in creating tension between Deckard and Rachael, which foreshadows their future relationship and adds depth to the story. However, the scene could benefit from more visual imagery or action to break up the dialogue and keep the audience engaged. Overall, it is a strong scene that effectively sets up the story and provides a foundation for the action to come.
Suggestions There are a few suggestions I would make to improve this scene:

1. Show us what's happening. The scene relies heavily on voiceover from Deckard, but it would be more engaging if we could see some of the action he's describing, like the spinner making a sharp bank and dropping into a steep curve.

2. Dial back on the exposition. While it's important for the audience to understand the context of the story and the world in which it takes place, it's not necessary to explain every detail in this scene. Some of the information could be saved for later scenes or revealed through character interactions rather than voiceover.

3. Create more tension. While there's some tension in the scene (Deckard is at the Tyrell Corporation to investigate a serious crime), it could be heightened by adding in more conflict between Deckard and Rachael. Perhaps they have opposing views on the role of replicants in society, or Rachael is hiding something from Deckard that he's trying to uncover.

4. Make the dialogue more dynamic. The conversation between Deckard and Rachael is primarily exposition, and while there's some back-and-forth, it's not particularly engaging. Adding in more subtext to their conversation or giving them conflicting goals could make the dialogue more interesting.

5. Use visuals to enhance the story. The scene mentions small northern animals in neat "environmental" cages, but we don't actually see them until later in the scene. Adding in shots of the animals earlier on could enhance the world-building and add some visual interest to the scene.

Scene 9 -  The Voight-Kampff Test
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 9
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 8

The office is dimly lit, but highlights of resilience
reside in the luster of the antique furnishings, like
glimmers of gold in a darkened mine. Dr. Tyrell is a
fragile man of power, with that look of "youth" obtained
from steroids and surgery. Dapper and trim, he leans
against the desk looking at an old fashioned pocket
watch. The only sound is the insidious PERKING of COFFEE
BREWING in the background.

Tyrell taps a sensor on his desk. The door in front of
Deckard and Rachael slides open. They enter a vestibule
and face another door, this one befitting the decor of
the office, Tyrell slips the watch into his pocket as
they enter.

Mr. Deckard. Dr. Eldon Tyrell.

How do you do, Mr. Deckard. Please
sit down. Would you care for a cup
of coffee?




Tyrell pours from an old time sylex into small china
cups and hands one to Deckard. The congenial light in
his eyes could almost pass for warmth -- dragon warmth.

Somehow, I didn't expect that the
man who did the dirty work would
be the man to do the technical
work. Here you are, Mr. Deckard.

He hands Deckard a cup of coffee.

Is this to be an empathy test?


Capillary dilation of the so-called
blush response? Plus fluctuation
of the pupil, plus involuntary
dilation of the iris?

Deckard nods.

May I ask a personal question?

Go ahead.

Have you ever retired a human by


But in your profession that is a

Nothing is infallible, but so far
the Voight-Kampff scale bas been

Like you said, Mr. Deckard, a
machine can be a hazard. The
Voight-Kampff scale is a machine,
isn't it?

One that relies on human
interpretation. Where's the

Sitting next to you.

Deckard stares at Rachael, then back at Tyrell. Delighted,
Tyrell takes a cup of coffee.

Accepting the challenge, Deckard opens his briefcase and
starts fishing out the apparatus.


Rachael's eye fills the screen, the iris brilliant, shot
with light, the pupil contracting.

Go ahead.

In the soft green glow of the dials, the needles in both
gauges are at rest. Dr. Tyrell stands silhouetted behind
Deckard, who sits in front of Rachael, a pencil beam
trained on her eye. Wire mesh discs are attached to her

You're given a calfskin wallet
for your birthday.

The needles in both gauges swing violently past green to
red, then subside.

I wouldn't accept it. Also, I'd
report the person who gave it to
me to the police.

You have a little boy. He shows
you his butterfly collection, plus
the killing jar.

Again the gauges register, but not so far.

I'd take him to the doctor.

You're watching T.V. and suddenly
you notice a wasp crawling on your

I'd kill it.

Both needles go to red. Deckard makes a note, takes a
sip of coffee and continues.

In a magazine you come across a
full-page photo of a nude girl.

Is this testing whether I'm an
android or a lesbian?

You show the picture to your husband.
He likes it and hangs it on the wall.
The girl is lying on a bearskin rug.
I wouldn't let him.

Why not?

I should be enough for him.

Deckard frowns, then smiles. His smile looks a little
like a grimace or the other way around.

You become pregnant by a man who
runs off with your best friend,
and you decide to get an abortion.

I'd never get an abortion.

Why not?

That would be murder, Mr. Deckard.

In your opinion.

It would be my child.

Sounds like you speaks from

He notes the needles. One goes green and the other
remains inert.

Last question. You're watching
an old movie. It shows a banquet in
progress, the guests are enjoying
raw oysters.


Both needles swing swiftly.

The entree consists of boiled
dog stuffed with rice.

Needles move less.
The raw oysters are less acceptable
to you than a dish of boiled dog.

Deckard moves the adhesive discs from her cheeks and
switches off his beam.

Lights please.

The lights come on.


If she is, the machine works.

The machine works. She is.

Rachael sits very still. Except her eyes -- they go to
Tyrell and hang on. He stares back at her as he speaks.

How many questions did it take?


Rachael sits rigidly in her chair, as the ground crumbles
around her, her big mermaid eyes locked with Tyrell.
His voice is quiet and strong, mesmerizing. She's hang-
ing by a thread.

Deckard watches with a bas taste in his mouth.

She didn't know?

Memory implant. She was programmed.
But I think she has transcended
her conditioning. I think she was
beginning to suspect.

Rachael nods fixedly. Careful not to let go her grasp.

How many questions does it usually
take, Mr. Deckard?

Five, maybe six.

Slowly, carefully, Tyrell unlocks his gaze from Rachael
and turns towards Deckard, who is starting to put away
his equipment.

You're going to have to be on your
toes, my friend.

Deckard glances back at him.

It's a complex problem and we
wouldn't want anything to happen
to you.

Less of a man might shrink at the end of Deckard's look,
but not Tyrell.

For the good of all, I recommend
you take Rachael with you.
Considering her uniqueness, I'm
sure she could prove quite helpful.

Deckard almost smiles at the nasty power of Tyrell's
style. He turns away and starts packing up the Voight-

No thanks.

Deckard is ready to go.

And how is it one man will be able
to cover so much ground?


All pertinent information is
being fed into your departmental
computer, an Esper 231 -- I
believe -- and a photo over-lay
packet is being produced.

Deckard opens the door.

Mr. Deckard, I think it would be
wise to reconsider my offer.

Rachael sits there very pale and expressionless, her
feet flat on the floor, alone is the word.

Trying to keep the fury out of it, Deckard's voice
comes out in a whisper.
I work alone.

On the last word, Rachael glances up at him and Deckard
turns away. The outer door slides open and he goes
through it.
Genres: ["Sci-fi","Drama"]

Summary Deckard tests Rachael to see if she is a replicant while Tyrell observes. Rachael passes, but the experience leaves her shaken as she realizes she has a false memory implant. Tyrell offers to let her go with Deckard to help with the mission, but Deckard declines.
  • Tense dialogue
  • Complex moral and ethical questions
  • Limited action in the scene
Critique Overall, the scene is well-written and engaging. The descriptions of the setting are vivid, setting a dark and mysterious tone. The characters are also well-developed, with clear motivations and personalities.

However, there are a few areas that could be improved. For example, some of the dialogue feels a bit forced and expositional, particularly in the early parts of the scene where the characters are exchanging pleasantries. Additionally, the scene could benefit from a bit more action or tension to keep the audience engaged, as most of the scene is focused on the Voight-Kampff test, which may be less interesting to some viewers.

Overall, though, the scene effectively establishes character and atmosphere and sets up important plot points for the rest of the film.
Suggestions Some possible suggestions to improve the scene:

1. Show more of Deckard's internal thoughts and reactions instead of relying mostly on dialogue. This will help the audience better understand his character and motivations.
2. Add more description of the setting to create a stronger atmosphere and mood. This will make the scene more immersive and engaging.
3. Build more tension between Tyrell and Deckard to highlight their power dynamics. This will make their interactions more compelling and increase the stakes of the scene.
4. Explore Rachael's emotions more deeply to make her character more sympathetic and complex. This will add depth to the scene and create more emotional resonance for the audience.
5. Consider adding more action or visual elements to break up the dialogue and create more visual interest. This will prevent the scene from feeling static or repetitive.

Scene 10 -  High-speed chase in a tunnel
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 7
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 6
  • Dialogue: 5

As seen through the windshield from the passenger side
of a vintage Dusenberg. The headlights cut through the
dark, illuminating a narrow strip of mountain road. A

A sign slides by stating: "Caution Curves Ahead."
Good advice considering the sheer nightmare of a drop
to the right and the wall of solid rock to the left.

The steady HUM of the ENGINE and the HISS of the TIRES
will remain, but the location suddenly changes to:


A pleasant place of soft light and domestic charm. The
young lady in the short dress is vacuuming the rug.
Her back to the viewer. As she bends over to vacuum
beneath the couch, exposing her beautiful ass, an
admonishment from a resonant and slightly tired MALE
VOICE intercedes.

Let's keep our eyes on the road,




The moon is up there slicing through the trees, strobing
over the hood of the car. The road is getting steeper
and the corners sharper. Rags of mist skim by as the
Dusenberg picks up speed. It is becoming a riveting
ride, but the passenger's mind moves elsewhere.


Swift, soft clouds overhead. In the cold shine of
the icy light,the viewer walks down an aisle of maples
and beeches, their clean hard limbs deflecting the
frosty light, and underfoot the crisp, blue-white snow,
melted through in spots, exposing soggy patches of rich
brown earth.

Come on, stay with the machine.


The Dusenberg is going faster now, headlights eating
up the road. Rushing the corners in gut wrenching four-
wheel drifts. Not a pleasant sensation if you don't
like roller-coasters.

The Dusenberg slides out of a corner and faces a couple
hundred yards of straightway leading to the next bend.

Good place for a breather, but the driver shifts into
high and screws on.


Cold and gray. The current running strong. The nose
of a kayak points through the swells, the viewer paddling
for the shore.

This is cold remote country, wild and untouched. A sky
bluer than the Madonna's cloak. The kayak banks and
the viewer steps out, moving over the sandy beach
towards a little camp.

We're going to have to start the
sequence again if you don't stay
with me, Deckard. Concentrate.

How do you know I'm not?

You're not responding to the
stimulus. I can see right here,
I'm not getting a reading.

I'm tired of this.

Almost through.


In the Dusenberg the driver turns to look at the passen-
ger, his specter-like face obscured by shadow, but by
the glint of teeth, he must have just smiled. And the
passenger's view snaps back to the road.

Suddenly another pair of headlights round the approach-
ing bend. Large ones, of a bus or a truck. Blinding.

The Dusenberg is going too fast to stop. No room to
pass. HORNS BLAST. The Dusenberg brakes, goes into a
broadside skid. The hands of the passenger reach out
and grip the mahogany dash. Brakes locked, TIRES
SCREAMING, skidding. The Dusenberg tears through the
railing and plunges into space. The last view of the
passenger is pure vertigo. Silence.
Genres: []

Summary Deckard is being chased through a mountain road tunnel and is forced to swerve to avoid an oncoming vehicle. He crashes through the railing and falls into space.
Strengths "The high-speed chase in the tunnel is expertly filmed and the tension and suspense are palpable. The setting and cinematography add to the mood of the scene."
Weaknesses "The dialogue between Deckard and the passenger is minimal and does not do much to advance the plot or provide insights into the characters."
Critique Overall, this scene features strong visual descriptions and a clear sense of tension and danger. However, the abrupt changes in location and perspective can be disorienting for the reader, and the shift to a seemingly unrelated scene in the middle of the action can feel jarring. Additionally, the dialogue exchange between the voices feels somewhat vague and confusing without a clear context or explanation for what is happening. Overall, while there are strong elements and potential in this scene, it could benefit from clearer organization and more focused dialogue.
Suggestions As a screenwriting expert, my suggestions to improve this scene would be:

1. Clarify the purpose of the scene: It's not clear why this scene is included in the film, or what its relevance is to the overall story. It might be helpful to establish what is at stake in the sequence, and why it matters to the characters.

2. Connect the different locations: The scene abruptly jumps from one location to another, which can be disorienting for viewers. It might be helpful to establish a clearer connection between the different settings and to establish why the character is moving between them.

3. Add more character development: The scene doesn't provide much insight into the characters or their relationship to one another. It might be helpful to add some dialogue or action that reveals more about their personalities, emotions, or motivations.

4. Increase tension: The scene doesn't build much tension or suspense, even though it involves a dangerous car ride. It might be helpful to add more obstacles, complications, or challenges to increase the stakes for the characters and keep viewers engaged.

5. Use visuals effectively: The scene relies heavily on dialogue to convey information, which can be less engaging than visual storytelling. It might be helpful to find ways to use visuals to convey information or heighten the drama of the scene.

Scene 11 -  Testing and Concerns
  • Overall: 7.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 7
  • Characters: 6
  • Dialogue: 6

The good doctor is bending over his glass-top desk which
resembles a pin-ball machine. Displayed under its
surface is a network of crisp electronic symbols and
read-outs indicating the results of the test.

Deckard detached the patches from his forehead, which
it a little damp, but other than that, he looks no
worse for wear, stands up to stretch and walks over to
the doctor's desk.

So how did I do?

Dr. Wheeler is a thin boney man, aloof but a promise
of compassion in his sunken eyes.

Nerves of steel.

No rust?

I didn't say that. Your motivity
rate checked out a little slower
than last time.


Meaning you don't run as fast as
you used to.

Deckard starts to dress.

During the road test...


Your mind kept wandering. That
bothered me.

Huh huh.
Considering the nature of your
work, that could be unhealthy.


Wheeler studies his "desk" for a moment and his finger
comes down on the section illuminating Deckard's simple

You got a birthday coming up.

Deckard bends over slipping on his shoes. Wheeler looks
up, concerned.

But you haven't put in for


You're going to be over the limit.

Listen, I could make you a long
list of complaints about this
fucken city but I still rather be
here than up there.

What if you change your mind?

They'll change the limit before
I change my mind.

You sure?

Never been more sure of anything
in my life.

Deckard is ready to go. Looking at Wheeler, a little
touched with his concern.

Why didn't you go?

Too old.

But if you could?

Wheeler considers it a moment, smiles and shakes his head.

My job is here.

Me too.

They shake hands and Deckard walks.


The referee is bouncing around the ring, trying to keep
up with the two Mexican light-weights pounding the shit
out of each other. If not for the fuzz and the silence,
the audio on the holoscope is off, you might think
you were ringside at the Garden. It's a good fight but
Pris isn't watching.

She's got her feet up on the couch painting her toe
nails. The room is so quiet you can almost hear the
polish. She starts on her fourth toe when a NOISE
form above STOPS HER

It sounded like a CREAKING of a FLOOR, but so quiet,
sudden and over so fast it's hard to be sure. She
stares at the ceiling a moment, then glances at

On the other side of the room, in his own world,
Sebastian is peering into his magnifier, soldering
gossamer strands with a laser.

Pris has crossed the floor and is closing the door
quietly behind her. If the animoids nestled around
the ledges of the room are capable of noticing, they'd
be the only ones in the room who did.


Pris moving smoothly past the doors, some of them open
and warped offering sights and shadow and decay.


The gloom in here is like the light of the empty well.
Her feet against the metal steps reverberate in the
hollow silence.


She's running now, down the hall, stops at the apart-
ment directly above Sebastian's and opens the door.


Mary turns her head as Pris comes in. She's sitting in
a chair. The only piece of furniture in the room.
It's broken and tilts at a funny angle. She nods and
Pris nods back.

Batty is lying on his back, rolling his head slightly
from side to side like he's soothing a stiff neck.

What's going on down there?

He's not ready yet.


Tomorrow, he says.

Batty nods he can't wait. Pris glances at Mary and
gives a frigid little smile. Pris backs out and closes
the door behind her. Batty blows air through his
nostrils. Like an animal.


The sky is streaked with remnants of a lingering dusk.
Prisms of light flash over the sheen of Deckard's car
as he cuts off the freeway and sweeps down the off-
ramp curve.
Genres: ["sci-fi","drama","action"]

Summary Deckard takes a test to determine if he's capable of doing his job and accepts the risks of staying in the city. Pris overhears something suspicious and informs Batty.
Strengths "The tense atmosphere is well-maintained throughout the scene, building up to the ominous ending."
Weaknesses "The dialogue could be more dynamic and character development is a bit lacking."
Critique Overall, the scene seems well-written and easy to follow. The dialogue between Deckard and Dr. Wheeler is engaging and reveals information about Deckard's character and job. The description of the setting and actions of characters are also clear and specific. However, one potential critique is that there is a lack of visual and sensory details, which could help to enhance the atmosphere and mood of the scene. Additionally, it may be helpful to consider if there are any opportunities to incorporate more conflict or tension into the dialogue to keep the audience engaged and invested in the scene.
Suggestions As a screenwriting expert, I would suggest the following improvements to this scene:

1. Increase the tension: The scene lacks tension and conflict, making it feel flat. To improve it, add some conflict between Deckard and Dr. Wheeler, making the audience wonder if Deckard is actually fit for his job.

2. Make the dialogue more natural: The dialogue in this scene feels overly scripted and lacks natural flow. To make it sound more conversational, consider rewriting certain lines or improvising during filming.

3. Develop the characters: Dr. Wheeler and Deckard are two important characters in the film, but their personalities and motivations have yet to be fully developed. Try to give them more depth and backstory to make them more intriguing to the audience.

4. Use visual cues: Film is a visual medium, so try to use visual cues to enhance the storytelling. For example, show close up shots of Deckard's expression to convey how he's feeling, or show the electronic symbols and readouts on the doctor's desk to visually demonstrate the results of the test.

5. Tighten up the pacing: The transition between the scene with Dr. Wheeler and the scene with Pris feels abrupt and disconnected. Consider tightening up the pacing by adding a more seamless transition, such as showing Deckard driving to Sebastian's apartment or showing Pris watching the fight on the holoscope before getting up to investigate the noise.

Scene 12 -  Deckard and Rachael
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 9
  • Plot: 7
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 9

Moving through the dark city streets. Deckard turns a
corner and guns it up a long, steep hill.


At the top of the hill the car pulls into a drive and
disappears into the subterranean garage of a high-rise.


He's coming down the hall carrying a foil wrapped
plastic plate and stops in front of his door. It's
riddled with locks. He slips a small device out of
his pocket, aims it at the door and the locks unlock,
the bolts slide open. He walks in and kicks the door
shut behind him.

He slips on the light and crosses the front room.
Deckard is a pack rat -- hard to tell if he just moved
in or is just moving out.

As he enters the kitchen, the SOUND of SOMEBODY BEHIND
him causes him to whirl around fast, hand snapped out
in front of him, gun already in it. Rachael almost got
shot. But she's unruffled, a little pale maybe, but
direct as ever. There's a long, chilly moment, then
she almost smiles as her eyes move to the plate on the

Was that your dinner?

Deckard looks down at the over-turned plate and nods.

I'm sorry. I called and found out
you were on your way home. These
were already delivered to your
department but I thought you
should have copies as soon as

She's holding out a cassette the size of a cigarette
pack. But it's taking Deckard's adrenalin time to

It's the Nexus information you

He takes the cassette, but a man with so many locks
must be wondering how they were gotten through so easily.
He doesn't even want to ask.


He realizes he's still got the gun aimed at her and
sticks it back in his belt and they're left staring
at each other. The situation makes awkward silence.
At least for him. She's looking at him like she's
got something to say but isn't saying it.

Is there anything else?

I know you think it complicates
your work, but I'm here to help.

I've already got more help than
I need.
I think you need more help than
you've got.

He doesn't, but she's not backing off.

There's two reasons a man rejects
help. Either because he's so good
at what he does he doesn't think
he needs it, or he's so insecure
he can't admit it.

Sounds like I'm an ass-hole either
way, but the answer is still no.

Two of us might be more effective
than one.

I work alone.

She smiles.

No you don't.

She lets it sink in.

You use your equipment, don't you?


So, I'm a piece of equipment.
Use me.

It's a strong look that passes between them -- a long
one. Maybe if he were on firmer ground he might do
something about such an offer but...

Deckard's eyes follow her down as Rachael bends to
the floor and starts picking the food off the rug, put-
ting it back on the plate.

That's okay, I'll get it...

He bends down to help, but she's already done it.
Their heads a few inches apart. Something in her eyes
diminishes the distance even more.
Do I make you nervous?


I'm sorry.

And she is. And suddenly he is too. She hands him the
plate and they stand. She's looking at the floor,
almost shy, then she looks up and he's watching her.
She says it plain and simple.

It's strange to suddenly realize
that what you thought was your
life is actually someone else's

Deckard nods. He feels it, but doesn't know what to
do about it.

I can imagine.

Can you? I couldn't.

These are not some of Deckard's finer moments. But she
doesn't seem to notice.

A part of me is glad. I think I
feel more. I don't like who I was

Deckard nods, waits the respectable interval and is
glad to have a plate to take into the kitchen.

In the scrambled sanctuary of his kitchen Deckard looks
around for a place to put the plate, but things have
piled up on him in here. He contemplates the refrig-

So why do you think they were
after their records.

He's a lot more comfortable talking shop.

They probably want to find out
when they were made.

He dumps his dinner in the garbage and comes back out.
She's writing something on a card.

I guess the date of your birth is
important if you know you're not
made to last.

No way he can keep his foot out of it. She looks up and
hands him the card.

That's my number. If you need me.

She goes to the door, opens it but hesitates before
going through.

You better get better locks --
if you want to keep me out.

She looks back at him and smiles -- the smile says
she's talking about all kinds of locks. Deckard looks
like he might ask her to stay, but...

Good night.

And she's gone.


He looks down at the number. It's the back side of a
snapshot. He turns it over. The picture of a man
and a woman. The little girl between them looks like
a six-year old Rachael.
Genres: ["science fiction","action","drama"]

Summary Deckard and Rachael have a conversation about her helping him with his mission, during which they discuss the meaning of life and self-identity.
Strengths "The conversation between Deckard and Rachael is thought-provoking and leads to character development. The dialogue is well-written and the setting reinforces the dark and dystopian tone of the film."
Weaknesses "The scene lacks significant action or plot development. The conversation could be seen as dry by some viewers."
Critique Overall, this scene seems well-written. It establishes the setting and mood effectively, with a dark, city environment and a sense of tension as Deckard returns home. The dialogue between Deckard and Rachael is also well-done, with a nice balance between exposition (regarding the Nexus information) and character development (with Rachael revealing more about herself and Deckard's guarded nature on display).

One critique could be that there isn't a clear sense of what Deckard is feeling. While the dialogue between him and Rachael is clear, we don't get much internal monologue or description of his emotions or reactions to the situation. This could make it harder for the audience to fully connect to him or understand his motivations in the scene.

Another critique could be that the scene doesn't really advance the plot in a significant way. We learn more about Rachael and her desire to work with Deckard, but it doesn't seem like much progress is made in their relationship or the case they are working on. While character development is important, it's also important to keep the story moving forward.
Suggestions Overall, the scene is well-written and effectively creates tension and intrigue with the meeting between Deckard and Rachael. However, here are some suggestions for improvement:

1. Provide more visual descriptions: While there are moments of visual description in the scene, it could benefit from more. For example, when Rachael almost gets shot, the moment would be more impactful if described in more detail - what does Deckard's quick movement look like? What is Rachael's reaction? Adding more visual details can help the reader immerse themselves in the scene.

2. Make the dialogue more natural: While the conversation between Deckard and Rachael is interesting, some of the lines feel a bit forced and overly scripted. For example, the exchange, "Two of us might be more effective than one...You work alone...No you don't" feels clunky and unnatural. Consider revising to make the dialogue more realistic.

3. Show more of Deckard's internal struggle: While there are hints at Deckard's inner conflict, it would be beneficial to see more of it. For example, when Rachael offers to help him, we get a glimpse of his hesitancy, but it could be explored more deeply. Seeing more of Deckard's inner struggle can make him a more compelling and relatable character.

4. Tighten up the action: There are a few moments where the action drags on a bit, such as when Rachael picks up the food off the floor. Consider tightening up these action moments to keep the scene moving at a good pace.

5. Make the reveal at the end more impactful: The final reveal that the photo is of Rachael as a child feels a bit underwhelming. Consider making the photo more mysterious - for example, we see the back of the photo and it's unclear who is in it until it's revealed in the dialogue. This can create a stronger sense of intrigue and make the moment more impactful.

Scene 13 -  Deckard's Investigation
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 9
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 9
  • Dialogue: 8

He's sitting in front of his console studying pictures
of Nexus Sixes at they appear, blank-faced, hairless
and unadorned on his monitor.

The over-lay machine is transforming each image with
instant attributes; hair, moustaches, teeth, eye colors,
age, youth, hats, glasses, etc. All in rapid succession,
running the gambit from ominous to beautiful.

The possibilities were infinite.
They could change their appearances
but not their future.
Like she said, it was short.
Longevity is what they were after.
The garbage man even wanted a past.
Poor fuck. I'd check it out but
I knew she was right. The market
worked on turn-over. Built-in
obsolescence was the name of the
game. That meant her too. It
was something I didn't want to
think about.

On top of the monitor there's an open can of beans with
a spoon stuck in it. Deckard puts out his cigarette
and reaches for them as the PHONE RINGS.


Bryant here. Regarding the
rundown you requested on job
applicants, Esper's concluded that
the only irregular category that
Tyrell's got is the entertainment
section. You better get on it.

I was just about to have my dinner.

If you hurry you'll get back
before it gets cold. I got a
spinner on your roof in five
minutes. Good luck.

Deckard hangs up and looks at the beans. He didn't
want them anyway. He gets up and walks to the bedroom.
Looks through the pile of clothes on the floor, finds
his ankle laser and straps it on.


The spinner skirts through the canyons of the city.
Deckard, sitting in the contoured seat, watches the
maze of suspension bridges, platforms and catwalks
swing by below. The tops of larger buildings shimmer
with advertisements and weather announcements.


Deckard is cruising low and slow over the city listen-
ing to Esper.

Nexus designated Rachael is a
prototype. Created for in-house
use by special mandate form the
Scientific Development Regulatory
Committee. Will live conventional
term -- no para-physical abilities.
What is a conventional term?

Four years. Which would make her
termination date...

Never mind. Do they have that

Longevity is classified. No.

Back to business.

Okay, gimme a run-down on the
three females.

Nexus designated Mary: incept
November 1 2017, domestic
conditioning non competitive,
trained for day care position.


Nexus designated Pris: incept
data December 13 2017, competitive,
programmed to provide pleasure
for long term spacers.

Number three.

Nexus designated Zhora: incept
June 13th 2017, athletic
conditioning, highly competitive,
special abilities in the
entertainment field.


Deckard taking it down. About to pull it in an already
crowded lot, but the sign flashes "FULL." Deckard
doesn't believe in signs; is about to set it down any-
way when a Chicano in a fluorescent coat runs out and
waves him off.

Pissed, Deckard veers away and buzzes low over and
around the roof tops, all dark and cramped -- not a
lot of room around here.


Finally brings it down between two buildings hardly
enough clearance, but he jockeys the machine into an
alley, touches down and runs it slowly along the surface
-- parking it by a sign that says "NO PARKING."


Not many people. Wind blowing. A nest of garish
small-time clubs.

Deckard emerges from one, goes into the next. The
pulsing neon over the entry says "TAFFEY'S BAR."


Crowded in here. BONGO MUSIC. Deckard is at the bar
sitting next to a big-bellied man in a black beard who's
looking through a viewer. On the small stage in the
background AMAZING RAMA is eating razor blades, a part
of her juggling routine.

Deckard leaves the bar and walks down a hall towards a
door at the rear.
Genres: ["science fiction","thriller"]

Summary Deckard receives information about Nexus Six replicants and narrows down his search to three female targets
Strengths "The scene offers new information about the replicants and explores Deckard's investigation further, building tension and adding to the overall atmosphere of the film."
Weaknesses "The scene's pacing is somewhat slow and could benefit from more action."
Critique Overall, this scene is well-written and effectively moves the story forward. The exposition is delivered naturally through Deckard's thoughts and dialogue with Bryant and Esper. However, there are a few issues that could be addressed.

Firstly, the scene could benefit from more visual description. As it stands, most of the information is delivered through dialogue or Deckard's thoughts. A few more visual cues would help the reader better imagine the setting and action.

Secondly, the dialogue could be tightened up in some places. For example, the following exchange between Deckard and Bryant:

I was just about to have my dinner.

If you hurry you'll get back
before it gets cold. I got a
spinner on your roof in five
minutes. Good luck.

Feels a bit stilted, and could be rearranged to sound more natural.

Finally, the purpose of Deckard's trip to Taffey's bar seems unclear at this point. If this scene is meant to foreshadow something, it could benefit from more context and purpose. Otherwise, it could be trimmed or reworked to make it more engaging.

Overall, this scene effectively moves the story forward, but could benefit from some additional visual description and tighter dialogue in places.
Suggestions Here are some suggestions to improve the scene:

1. Increase the tension: The scene lacks tension and needs to be more gripping. One way to do this is to add more conflict, such as having Deckard be under pressure to find the replicants before they harm anyone else.

2. Add visual descriptions: The scene is heavy on dialogue, but it lacks visual descriptions of the setting and characters. Adding these details will help the reader visualize the scene better and make it more engaging.

3. Improve the pacing: The scene feels slow and could benefit from some tightening. Consider cutting out some of the extraneous dialogue and focusing on the essential information Deckard needs to find the replicants.

4. Make the dialogue more natural: Some of the dialogue feels stilted and could benefit from being rewritten to sound more natural. Make sure each character has a unique voice and that their dialogue reflects their personality.

5. Add more sensory details: The scene is lacking in sensory details, such as smells and sounds. Adding more sensory details will make the scene more immersive and help the reader feel like they are really there with Deckard.

Scene 14 -  Deckard's Investigation Continues
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 7
  • Dialogue: 7

Taffey's what's referred to in the trade as a "Chicken
Hawk" collector of young girls.

It must be so, there's one in the bed. Thin, pale,
about thirteen years old, eyes rolled up under her
fluttering eyelids, wires attached to her forehead,
lying flat on her back in Taffey's crowded little

Taffey's a little fella with wide hips and narrow
shoulders, wears a jet black toupe and has a face like
a seal. But at the moment he's not present.

There's a KNOCK at the DOOR, then the SOUND of a TOILET
FLUSHING. Taffey comes out of the bathroom, heart
pounding under his polyester bathrobe, and approaches
the door like the guilty fucker he is. He looks through
the peeper.

Deckard is out there holding up his I.D.

Taffey Lewis?


Can I come in?

There is a pause lasting the time it takes Taffey not
to think of a way to say no. The door opens and Deckard
enters. Except for the drool coming out of the corner of
her mouth, and the fluttering eye-lids, Venus doesn't
move a muscle.

Excuse my niece there... She's
studying for an exam.

Deckard takes the Identikit hard copies our of his
pocket and pushing some junk out of the way, fans them
out on the table.

I'd like you to take a look at
these pictures.

Of course.

Taffey bends down really close, peering at the pictures
from about two inches away.

You see I lost my contacts a
couple of days ago around here
somewhere and my sight is a
little... What am I supposed
to be looking for?

Do you recognize any of

He stops at Zhora.

This one looks familiar, but
I don't know. Naw. There's
one came in today looks a
little like this one but...

What did she want?


The girl that doesn't look
like that girl.
Nothing. She wanted to know
about suck night.

What night?

I didn't know if I wanted to
handle her -- I already got
a snake act. But my partner
goes down there to the Opera
House on suck night to book
the good ones.

What's suck night?

That's what we call in the
trade, audition free-for-
alls and most of it sucks.
Bit I don't think that's

You talking about the Opera
House on the Main?

Taffey nods. Deckard goes to the door and turns.

Book the good ones for where?

Lots of places. The tours,
the clubs, the Silicone shows,
private parties.

What shows?

Silicone Valley. Lots of
these science guys never
leave that place. We book
two shows a month in there.
Those big time techs and bio-
guys might be real high zoners
up here, but when it comes
to the arts, they like it loud
and lewd.

It's starting to get a little gooey. Deckard tips his
head good night and backs out of the door.

Onstage four Mexican acrobats, in matching metallic
jumpsuits roll head over heels in their rendition of
a human wheel. From the P.A. system the Announcer's
voice blares through the cavernous theatre.

Let's hear it for the Hermano

Scattered APPLAUSE. Hand in hand, the Hermano Brothers
bow deeply, spring up and trot offstage.

Next we're gonna see a little
charmer who keeps her dancing
partner in a basket! She
comes to us all the way from
exotic Casablanca. 'Salome.'

The old boys in the pit strike up a tinny version
of "In a Persian Market" as SALOME dances onstage.
She's a black-haired beauty in a scant belly dancer
costume, a couple of pounds overweight but all in
the right places. She kneels ceremoniously center
stage and sets the basket down before her. Carefully
removing the lid, she reaches in and lifts out a four-
foot harlequin-patterned python. Grinding her hips
to the music, she rises, holding the coiling snake out
like an offering. Sounds of approval from the audience.
The gold coins covering her breasts jingle and shimmer,
as she weaves sensuously around the floor.
Genres: ["Drama","Neo-noir","Science Fiction"]

Summary Deckard visits Taffey's office to gather information on the replicants, learns of an audition at the Opera House, and witnesses a sensual belly dance performance.
Strengths "Introduces crucial plot elements and theme of societal decay. Includes a vivid portrayal of the sleazy underworld of Taffey's office. Includes an exotic and sensual belly dance performance that adds to the scene's overall tone and setting."
Weaknesses "Minimal character development, weak dialogue."
Critique As a screenwriting expert, I cannot critique the entire scene as it exceeds the 250-word limit for this task. However, I can provide some feedback on the opening scene in Taffey's office.

Firstly, the introduction of Taffey as a "Chicken Hawk" collector of young girls immediately establishes him as an unsavory character, which sets the tone for the scene. The description of the young girl in the bed, with wires attached to her forehead, creates a disturbing image that emphasizes the gravity of Taffey's actions.

The dialogue between Deckard and Taffey is well-written, with a good use of pauses and hesitations, which adds to the tension of the scene. The use of slang language like "suck night" and "high zoners" in Taffey's dialogue further establishes his character and the world he operates in.

Overall, the scene effectively establishes the dark and seedy world of Taffey's business and sets up the investigation that Deckard is undertaking. However, it can be problematic to have such explicit content involving a minor in a script, and it's important to handle the subject matter sensitively and without glorifying or normalizing it.
Suggestions The scene contains sensitive material and may be triggering to some readers. As a screenwriting expert, my suggestions for improving this scene would be:

1. Consider the implications and impact of the scene on the audience. The scene contains reference to child exploitation and human trafficking, which may be difficult for some audiences to watch. Consider toning down the language or finding alternative ways to convey the same information without being too graphic.

2. Avoid the use of derogatory terms. The term "Chicken Hawk" is derogatory and offensive. Consider using more neutral terms to describe Taffey's profession.

3. Develop Taffey's character more. Taffey is only briefly introduced as a "little fella with wide hips and narrow shoulders, wears a jet black toupe and has a face like a seal." Consider giving him more backstory, motivations, and personality traits to enhance his character and make him more memorable to the audience.

4. Add more depth to the dialogue. Although the conversation between Taffey and Deckard is important for moving the plot forward, it is quite straightforward and lacks depth. Consider adding more layers to the conversation, including emotional subtext and character development.

5. Be careful with the portrayal of women. Salome is described as a "black-haired beauty in a scant belly dancer costume, a couple of pounds overweight but all in the right places." While it is important to show diversity and different body types on screen, be careful with how women are portrayed and avoid perpetuating stereotypes and objectification.

Scene 15 -  Undercover Investigation
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 7
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 8

To scattered APPLAUSE, HOOTS and WHISTLES, Salome
flounces offstage, the snake hung around her shoul-
ders, looking limp, and makes her way through the
narrow corridor to her dressing room. She's about
to enter when:

Excuse me, Miss Salome.

She turns. Deckard's posture and attitude suggest hum-
ble, sleazy persistence. He comes closer with his
shit-eating grin.

I'd like to have a word with you
if I could.

Salome stands almost six feet high in her high heels
-- she looks down on him with the haughty suspicion
of a chick who knows how to handle cheap hits.

I'm with the American Federation
of Variety Artists...

He holds up a hand as if to stop her from protesting.

Don't worry, I'm not here to make
you join -- that's not my department.

He glances around like a guy who's not supposed to be

I'm an investigator for the
Confidential Committee on Moral

She nods, taking it a little more seriously.

There's been reports of management
sexually abusing the artists in
this place.

I don't know nothing about it.

You haven't felt yourself to be
exploited by the management in any

She's definitely puzzled.

How do you mean 'exploited'?

Like to get this position. Did
you or were you asked to do anything
lewd or unsavory or otherwise
repulsive to your person?

Are you for real?

Oh, yeah.
You'd be surprised what goes on
around here. I'd like to check
the dressing room if I could.

What the fuck for?

For holes.

This guy might be an asshole but he's funny.

I don't believe this.

She shrugs and they go in.
Genres: ["drama","thriller","science fiction"]

Summary Deckard poses as an investigator for the Confidential Committee on Moral Abuses to gain access to Salome's dressing room and look for evidence of sexual abuse by management.
Strengths "Tension and suspense build up throughout the scene, as Deckard poses as an investigator to gain Salome's trust. The dialogue is sharp and witty, creating a sense of unease between the characters. The setting of the backstage area adds to the gritty and seedy atmosphere of the story."
Weaknesses "The scene is somewhat slow-paced and lacks major plot developments. There is also a potential issue with the scene's treatment of sexual harassment, as Deckard is using it as a ruse to gain access to Salome's dressing room."
Critique Overall, this scene is well-crafted with interesting characters and dialogue that keeps the audience engaged. The conflict between Salome and Deckard is clear and the tension between them builds as the conversation progresses.

One critique would be the lack of description of the setting. Although it is mentioned that they are in a narrow corridor and eventually enter Salome's dressing room, more sensory detail could be added to immerse the audience in the environment and heighten the tension.

Another potential improvement would be to add more subtext to Salome's reactions. While her dialogue conveys a haughty suspicion and disbelief in Deckard's claims, more nuanced facial expressions or physical movements could add depth to her character and her motivations in the scene.

Overall, this is a strong scene with room for small improvements in the setting and characterizations.
Suggestions 1. Add more description: While the dialogue is good, adding more detail about the setting and the characters' actions and emotions can bring the scene to life.

2. Develop the characters: It's important to make the characters more complex than just their title or occupation. Give them history and backstory that can be subtly conveyed through their actions and dialogue.

3. Build tension: The dialogue between Salome and Deckard is interesting, but there should be more tension in the scene. Raise the stakes and create more conflict to make the scene more engaging.

4. Add subtext: The characters' dialogue should have more layers of meaning. What they say should not just be what they mean, but there should be some underlying meaning that the audience can pick up on.

5. Improve pacing: The scene should have a good flow and avoid dragging. Add more action to the scene and make sure the dialogue doesn't slow it down too much.

Scene 16 -  Zhora's Attack
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 7
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 7

Musty and cramped. A portable shower, a dressing table
and not much else. Salome takes the snake from around
her shoulders and lays it on the dressing table. Deck-
ard watches it undulate into the warmth of the lights.

It that mother real?

Of course he's not real. You think
I'd be working here if I could
afford a real snake?

It's a good job.

You mean the snake.

Deckard nods. There's not much costume to take off but
she's doing it.

The best.

Does it eat?

Come on.

His hand reaches out to touch it. As his fingers make
contact there's an electric "snap." He jerks his hand
back from the shock.



Hey! Do your job but don't wreck
mine, huh?

She slides behind the screen and turns on the shower.
Deckard starts creeping around pacing around the room
like he's inspecting the walls.

They have their ways of doing
their dirty work without the
victim knowing what's going on.

His eyes are moving over everything she's got.

You'd be surprised what a guy'll
go through to get a glimpse of a
beautiful body.

I bet I would.

Little dirty holes the bastards
drill in the wall so they can
watch a lady undress.

And to his amazement he actually spots one. It's down
low on the wall. Not a good idea to turn his back on
work but he can't resist.

And what if somebody did try to
'exploit' me? Who do I go to?

Through the hole Deckard is looking at a pair of fat


And who do I go to about you?

He looks back. She's some out of the shower dripping
nude. She's taken off her black wig. Her hair is
short and blonde.

Deckard recognizes her immediately from the identikit.
He stares at her a moment too long.


Deckard grins and she returns it.

She takes a towel off the table and starts to dry her
body. The snake noses through the cosmetics, tongue
flicking trying to get back to its mistress. Absently,
she reaches out to stroke the snake and suddenly laughs.

You ever get the feeling things
aren't the way they seem?

Her hand closes around the snake's head. Deckard sees
it coming but can't move fast enough. She strikes him
so hard it knocks him off his feet. Before he hits the
floor, she kicks him in the stomach. The snake whistles
through the air again as Deckard rolls out of the way.
It slams down so hard it ruptures against the floor.
He goes for his laser, but she's already out the door.


Deckard bounds out of the room and sees her go through
a door at the other end of the hall. He sprints after
her, arrives at the door and flings it open. Black-
ness. The SOUND of her high heels CLATTER down the
metal steps.
Genres: ["drama","sci-fi","crime"]

Summary Deckard visits Salome's dressing room to investigate sexual exploitation and recognizes Zhora from his mission as a Nexus Six replicant. Zhora attacks him with the snake and flees, leading Deckard to chase her down a dark passageway.
  • Intense action sequence
  • Plot development
  • Some dialogue feels exposition-heavy
Critique Overall, this scene is well-written and engaging. The dialogue is natural and helps to establish the relationship between Salome and Deckard, as well as setting up the twist at the end. The use of the snake as a symbol of danger and deception is also effective.

However, there are a few areas where the scene could be improved. The description of the dressing room and Salome's actions as she undresses could be more vivid to add to the atmosphere of the scene. Additionally, it may be helpful to establish earlier in the scene that Deckard is a police officer, as this information is necessary to understand his motivation for being there and his pursuit of Zhora.

Overall, this scene has potential but could benefit from further development and refinement.
Suggestions 1. Set the scene better: Instead of just relying on dialogue to describe the room, add some visual details that give the audience a better idea of what it looks like.

2. Develop the relationship between Salome and Deckard: Right now, their interaction feels a bit forced and doesn't give much insight into their characters. Consider adding some backstory or shared history between them to make their conversation feel more natural.

3. Show, don't tell: Rather than just having Deckard explain what kind of people come to strip clubs, show that through some action. Maybe have someone outside the dressing room door proposition Salome, or have Deckard catch someone leering at her.

4. Make the fight scene more exciting: The fight between Salome and Deckard happens quickly and doesn't have much tension or build-up. Consider adding some more action to make it more engaging for the audience.

5. Use more sensory details: The scene is lacking in sensory details like sounds and smells, which can help the audience feel more immersed in the world. Consider adding some more descriptions of the sounds of the snake or the smell of the dressing room, for example.

Scene 17 -  Chase and Death
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 10
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 7

It's raining heavily.

The front of the Opera House is open only to foot traf-
fic these days. A bizarre place on a Friday night,
hawkers and whores, the rabble, the poor and the cur-
ious mill around the randy-built platforms and brightly
lit stands. Zhora, in just a raincoat, is not out of
place in this flea market atmosphere. Trying not to
run, she slices through the mob as quickly as she can.
Deckard is not far behind, dodging and side-stepping,
trying to move against the tide of people scurrying for

She comes to an intersection and turns out of the mall
onto a less crowded street. She glances over her
shoulder as she breaks into a run and runs right into
a couple of pedestrians. All three go down.

Deckard comes out of the crowd in time to spot her get-
ting to her feet. She sees him and runs. The two ped-
estrians are in his line of fire. He runs past them
and drops to one knee, leveling his laser.

Stop or you're dead!

She doesn't. The beam flashes through the air, but
she's already around the corner.

With his bottom lip between his teeth, it hurts to move
so fast, Deckard jack-legs it into the street and jumps
in front of the first car coming. It screeches to a
stop. Deckard scrambles for the door, but the guy be-
hind the wheel has other ideas. He peels out fast.

The next car slows down and swerves trying not to hit
him. Deckard goes for the door and before the old ma-
tron inside can lock it, Deckard's yanked it open and
jumps in. She screams as he pushes her into the pas-
senger seat and jams the car into a wrenching about
face. The lady squeals like a pig as the momentum
plasters her against the door.

Deckard slams it around the corner and guns it down the
street. It's long and it's empty and it's going by fast.
Nothing the old lady cares to see -- she's got her hands
over her eyes, whimpering, hoping she'll faint before
she dies.

Deckard takes the next left so hard he almost lays it
over. As the car bounces off the curb he floors it.

Zhora's a hundred yards ahead, halfway down the street,
trying to make it back into the crowded mall. She's
running fast, but the car is faster.

As he passes her, Deckard hits the brakes and skids
broadside seventy feet. The door flies open and he
rolls out FIRING.

Zhora's ducking it with no where to go, except...

The showcase window on her left EXPLODES as she crashes

It's a corner shop joined to a series of stores, front-
ing the mall. Deckard runs to the opening she's made
and pours FIRE through the tunnel of her jagged wake as
Zhora breaks through one window after another, getting
sliced, getting shot, trying to get away from Deckard's
laser. But she doesn't.

His last shot burns a hole through the base of her
skull. It kills her but doesn't stop her. Her speed
takes what's left of her through the last two windows
and into the street where she runs into a parked car
with such force that she embeds herself in the side of

Hunched over, breathing hard, Deckard comes slowly for-
ward. The crowd starting to gather. There's something
for everybody and they're coming from all directions.

Deckard moves through them, edging to have a look.

It's not a good thing to see. It looks like Salome
and the car tries to eat each other. A bloody feast
of metal and flesh.
Deckard bows his head, sick, exhausted. So much commo-
tion he doesn't notice THREE COPS closing in from

Drop it!

Deckard has his back to them. They're fanned out and
crouched, ready to fire. Deckard drops his laser. Two
of them rush up, spin him around while the third does a

TWO MORE COPS arrive, wary and wild-eyed, pushing the
people back -- his is not a good place for cops.

Deckard's ankle laser is discovered by the Cop frisking
him. With a snarl he pulls it out and hands it back to
the SERGEANT covering the action.

On your belly!

Deckard's not in the mood for it.

Listen, Sergeant...

He's reaching for his ID. The Cop with the rubber
billy hits him in the head.

One thrill after another. Somebody in the crowd YEOWLS.
The last thing Deckard hears as he falls. The Cop
reaches inside Deckard's coat for the concealed weapon
they missed, but it's an ID card. He looks at it for a
moment, then looks up.

Hey, Sarge, this guy's a cop.

An embarrassing situation.

Clear this fuckin' crowd.

The Cops start pushing. And for one split second one
of the crowd looks a lot like Leon.
Genres: ["Sci-Fi","Thriller"]

Summary Deckard chases Zhora through a crowded street and an abandoned shopping mall and kills her, only to be attacked and arrested by police officers.
Strengths "Action-packed scene with an engaging plot that unfolds quickly."
Weaknesses "Dialogue could be more impactful, and some moments may be too intense for certain viewers."
Critique This scene from Blade Runner is a well-constructed action sequence that shows a chase on foot and in a car, ending in a shootout. The use of rain and darkness adds to the sense of danger and urgency. The scene is effective because it keeps the audience engaged with fast-paced action, and it ends with a surprising twist. However, there are a few areas where the scene could be improved.

Firstly, the characters of Zhora and Deckard need more development. We don't know much about Zhora, besides the fact that she is a replicant and Deckard needs to eliminate her. Deckard's character is more fleshed out, but the audience could benefit from more backstory. The tension between Deckard and Zhora could be stronger if there was more depth to their characters.

Secondly, the action sequence could be clearer. For example, it's not entirely clear what Deckard is doing when he jumps in front of the first car. It might help to show some shots of the car swerving to avoid him, or some reaction shots of the old woman driving the car.

Additionally, the scene could be improved with better camera angles. There are a lot of shots from Deckard's perspective, but we don't always get a good view of what he's shooting at. It would be helpful to see more shots of Zhora running or diving for cover.

Overall, this is a well-written action scene that is effective in keeping the audience engaged. However, with a little more character development and clearer action, it could be even better.
Suggestions There are a few suggestions to improve this scene:

1. First, clarify who Zhora is and why Deckard is chasing her. This information should have been introduced earlier in the script, but if it hasn't, it should be added in here to give more context for the scene.

2. Add some more description to the physical actions of the characters. For example, instead of saying "Deckard rolls out FIRING," describe how he rolls, how he takes aim, etc.

3. The dialogue could be improved to sound more natural. For example, "Stop or you're dead!" sounds a bit cliché. Consider rephrasing it in a more unique way that fits Deckard's character.

4. The chase scene could be more suspenseful if we knew what Deckard was thinking throughout the pursuit. Consider adding his internal thoughts to give the audience more insight into his mindset.

5. Clarify what kind of laser Deckard is using. Is it a gun? A handheld device? This will help the audience better visualize the action.

6. Finally, consider giving Zhora more agency in the scene. Right now, she's just running away and getting killed. Perhaps she could have some tricks up her sleeve that force Deckard to work harder to catch her. This will make the scene more dynamic and engaging.

Scene 18 -  Confrontation in the Bathroom
  • Overall: 7.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 7
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 8

Your standard low class crapper. Bryant is planted
firmly on the cracked tile floor next to the urinals
rubbing his face, trying not to pop the clutch in his
anger. This is a public place, he doesn't want to

Just because it's a Nexus 6 doesn't
change procedure. A little known
fact can become a well-known fact
and part of our job, Deckard, is
to make sure that doesn't happen.
Now how can be do that if you blow
one away in front of a fuckin'

It's not the sort of question that expects an answer.
Deckard's washing his face in the basin hoping it'll
all go away.


Deckard looks up dripping, reaches for a paper towel.
Bryant slaps one in his hand.

She was gonna get away.

Then let her get away. I thought
you were a pro -- you're supposed
to be a fuckin' tracker!

Bryant takes a couple of deep breaths.

I'd say you got a little carried

Deckard's voice is barely audible.

I didn't like her.

You didn't like her!?

He slams the handle on one of the urinals.

You start liking or disliking
andies it's time to hang it up.

The PLUMPING ROARS and SUCKS and DIES. There's nothing
to do but nod. Deckard nods. Poor bastard has had a
rough night. Bryant pulls a flask out of his coat and
hands it to him. Deckard puts it to his mouth and
Bryant watches Deckard's Adam's apple like he's count-
ing the swallows. Deckard hands it back empty. Bryant
caps it, puts it back in his pocket.

Look, go home. Get some rest.
Take an aspirin.

Bryant shuffles out like an old bear.
Genres: ["sci-fi","drama"]

Summary Deckard and Bryant argue about how Deckard handled the replicant Zhora, with Bryant scolding Deckard for his recklessness. Deckard silently takes the criticism and Bryant eventually offers him a flask before leaving.
Strengths "The tension between Deckard and Bryant is palpable and the scene effectively conveys the danger and high stakes of deckard's job."
Weaknesses "The scene is relatively short and doesn't introduce any major twists or revelations."
Critique As a screenwriting AI language model, I do not have the ability to critique scenes from a subjective viewpoint. However, I can provide a technical analysis of the scene.

The scene takes place in a men's room in an old opera house. The dialogue primarily revolves around Deckard and Bryant discussing their job and mission. The scene's main objective is to reveal to the audience more information about the characters and their motivations. The dialogue is snappy and to the point, but the action is limited to Deckard washing his face and Bryant handing him a flask.

The scene does a good job of building tension and reveals a little bit about the nature of the Blade Runner's job. It also highlights the different attitudes and approaches of the two characters towards their work. However, the lack of physical action could make the scene flat. Still, the conversation is well-written and feels authentic, keeping the audience engaged. Overall, it serves its purpose in progressing the story.
Suggestions Here are a few suggestions to improve the scene:

1. Add more specific visual details to the men's room to create a more distinct setting and tone. For example, instead of simply describing it as a "low class crapper," consider including details like graffiti on the walls, a foul smell, or a broken mirror.

2. Develop the characters' motivations and emotions more fully. What is driving Bryant's anger and frustration, and how does Deckard feel about his actions? Without this added depth, the dialogue can come across as flat or one-dimensional.

3. Consider adding more action or movement to the scene. As it stands, much of the scene is just two characters talking in a static location. By adding more physical action or gestures, you can break up the dialogue and make the scene more dynamic.

4. Make sure the dialogue is concise and impactful. Some of the lines in the scene feel like they drag on a bit, especially in Bryant's speech about tracking andies. By trimming down some of the dialogue and focusing on the most important points, you can make the scene feel more focused and efficient.

Scene 19 -  Deckard and Leon's Encounter
  • Overall: 7.0
  • Concept: 6
  • Plot: 7
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 7

Cheap whiskey and bad wine. That's the kind of place
this is. It's near closing. But still a few at the
bar. Alcoholic silhouettes.

In the b.g. Deckard comes down the passage from the
men's room and stops at the phone. He gets a number
out of his pocket and calls it. As he talks he leans
against the wall, his body language intimate and chummy.

Not much action at the bar other than somebody snoring
and a dipso down at the end having a conversation with

Deckard hangs up, walks to the bar and straggles a
stool. The BARTENDER's a big lady with tits like sand
bags and a voice that plays no favorites.

I can't protect your drinks,
mister; while you was in the
potty, this hummer snatched it.

Deckard glances at his stool-mate. A huge MAN, slumped
over the bar like a beached whale.

No problem. Gimme another.

The whale doesn't move, but it speaks, with a gravelly
Russian accent.

Forgive me. I thought was free
drink. I will pay.

Forget it.

But the big man's digging through his pockets. Deck-
ard's drink arrives and the Russian raises his head.
It's a big melancholy face with a glint of warmth in
his red-rimmed eyes and a smile that could melt your
heart. But it's Leon.

I think I have no money.

It's okay. Forget it.
But I would like to buy you drink.

I'll but you one. What'll you


Shot of vodka, please.

Thank you very much.

My pleasure.

Deckard brings out his smokes. Offers one. Leon takes
it and they light up. The drinks come.



Down the hatch. Leon slaps his glass on the bar, reach-
es into his pocket, brings out a little match box and
slaps that down too. It's done with such pride that
Deckard has to look.

You want to see my friends?

Sorry, don't have the time.

No problem.

Leon smiles broadly and with ceremonious care opens the
box and dumps three live cockroaches on the bar.

Those cockroaches?


Deckard looks interested. One of them starts to scamp-
er away, but Leon walls off the next with his huge hand.

How long you had these guys?
Two months. But this one is not
guy. It is girl. His girl.

Leon leans closer like he doesn't want the cockroaches
to hear.

Usually Blackie waits until Igor
is eating; then, when his back is
turned, he tries to take advantage
of Anna.

Deckard nods, definitely interested. He signals the
bartender for another round. The drinks arrive.



Down the hatch. Their eyes meet at the bottom.

You never saw a cockroach make

Deckard shakes his head, but he'd like to.

Leon smiles slyly.

We will try.

Leon brings a cube of sugar out of his pocket and puts
it on the bar. They both lean down and watch intently.
The drinks come and are put away, but the cockroaches
are not cooperating.

It must be that he is not hungry
or maybe she is not hot.

Leon is catching the roaches and one by one puts them
back in their box. He holds up the last and kisses it.

You like to kiss her goodbye.

No thanks.

Make sure you take your girlfriends
with you when you leave.
What neither of them notices is that between Leon's
fingers, his stub of his cigarette is burning his flesh.

Deckard lifts his glass, it is empty.

I like you.

I like you too.

One more, eh?

I gotta piss.

Deckard gets on his feet, leans forward like a man in
a stiff wind and stops.

I think I'll piss outside.

Leon watches his walk a perfect straight line through
the bar down the passage and out of the rear exit.
Genres: ["science fiction","action","drama"]

Summary Deckard has a drink with Leon, a replicant with a fondness for cockroaches, and the two discuss Leon's pets and their behavior. Deckard is interested in gaining information on the replicants, and although Leon is friendly, there is an underlying tension throughout.
Strengths "The dialogue is engaging and reveals details about the replicants' behavior and personalities. There is an underlying tension throughout the scene that keeps the audience engaged."
Weaknesses "The scene is slow-paced and lacks significant plot developments. It may not be a memorable scene on its own."
Critique Overall, this scene sets a great tone and atmosphere with its description of the bar and its patrons. However, in terms of plot and character development, it doesn't do much to advance the story. There's no clear conflict or goal for the protagonist, Deckard, and the interaction with Leon feels somewhat random and tangential. The conversation about cockroaches and kissing one goodbye also feels forced and out of place. The dialogue itself is solid and natural, but it doesn't contribute much to the story progression or reveal anything significant about the characters. Overall, while the scene sets an evocative mood, it could benefit from clearer focus and purpose in terms of character and plot development.
Suggestions Here are some suggestions to improve the scene:

1. Add more tension or conflict: The dialogue between Deckard and Leon is friendly and uneventful. Consider adding more tension or conflict to heighten the stakes and make the scene more engaging. Perhaps the bartender could be more hostile towards Deckard or Leon, or a group of rowdy patrons could enter the bar and cause trouble.

2. Give more context about why they are meeting: It's unclear why Deckard and Leon are drinking together. Adding more context or backstory to their interaction could make the scene more meaningful. For example, perhaps they have a shared connection to a character or event in the story.

3. Show instead of tell: There is a lot of dialogue describing the cockroaches and Leon's relationship with them. Consider showing this visually instead, through close-up shots of the roaches and Leon's interactions with them. This would make the scene more cinematic and immersive.

4. Make the setting more interesting: The bar setting is fairly generic and unremarkable. Consider making the setting more interesting or unique to add more atmosphere and mood to the scene. For example, perhaps the bar is in a run-down part of town with a lot of character and history, or the bar has a distinctive theme or decor that sets it apart.

Scene 20 -  Chase, Fight, and Revelation
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 10
  • Characters: 9
  • Dialogue: 8

Deckard reels out. The door swings shut and he's sober
as hell and moving fast. Around the big trash dumpster
alongside the building, he plasters himself against the
wall and his gun is out, aimed at the door. He's in a
good spot with a perfect line of fire. Moments go by
and he's glad for the time to steady himself. The
SOUND of his BREATHING, the HUM of the city and the

Suddenly from behind, Deckard is swept off his feet and
twirled around in Leon's bear-trap embrace.

Leon lets go and Deckard hits the pavement, skidding
hard enough to tear clothes and burn skin, but he rolls
out of it and comes up with gun in hand; but Leon is so
fast he's already there and kicks it out of his hand.

Leon moves towards him, backing Deckard against the wall.

How come you know where Zhora was
so quick?

His hand is lightning. It shoots out, grabs Deckard's

I showed pictures. Somebody
recognized her. I went to see.

Deckard is pale. The sweat is starting to run.

How old am I?

I don't know.

The grip tightens and twists.

My birthday is April 10, 2015.
How long do I live?

Four years.

He lets go.

More than you.

Deckard's knees come up fast. Leon's fist comes down
faster, like a hammer.

Painful to live in fear, isn't it.

Deckard is doubled over, hugging his thigh.

But that's how it is to be a
slave. The future is sealed off,
he grovels, he waits.

Even hurt, Deckard is fast. He goes for his ankle gun,
but Leon's got it out of his hand before he can even
raise it and throws it down the alley.

Deckard hurls forward, knocking him off balance, and
scrambles to get away. Leon grabs him by the foot,
drags him back and jerks him off the ground.

Sex, reproduction, security, the
simple things. But no way to
satisfy them. To be homesick
with no place to go. Potential
with no way to use it. Lots of
little oversights in the Nexus 6.

He slams Deckard into the wall.

I tell you, nothing is worse
than having an itch you can never

Deckard slides down the wall to his knees and huddles,
protecting his head with his arms, waiting for the next

Leon folds his big hands together and raises them over
his head, pausing just a second to savor the satisfac-
tion of smashing Deckard's skull.

The spasm that runs through Leon's face is not from
satisfaction. It's the bullet that went through his
neck. He hits the ground hard, his big teeth biting
the air like a rabid dog. Dead.

Rachael is standing in the alley. Deckard lies there
looking at her. She comes slowly and quietly forward
and drops Deckard's gun by his side.

Deckard gets to his hands and knees and tries to get
up, but can't quite manage it. He looks up at her,
panting, spits blood and almost smiles.

Like I said, I don't need your

After a long moment, she bends down to touch him.

You look terrible, you know that?


He's lying in the tub with a drink, eyes half mast,
water up to his chin, bruised and beat, but looking
just a little wicked in his balmy luxury.

I knew a cop once who was involved
in a high-speed chase. They shot
out one of his tires and he went
over a cliff at hundred and fifty
miles an hour. They found him in
the morning with a broken skull,
six fractured ribs and second-
degree burns. On the way to the
hospital he made a play for the

He takes a drink and clears his throat.

Hey! I thought you were supposed
to be taking care of me.
What do you need?

He doesn't answer. Lies there sipping his drink.
Rachael comes in a little uncertain, a little droll,
and stands there looking down at him.

Don't just stand there looking at
me. It's not polite.

What do you want me to do?


She sits on the edge of the tub.

Gimme your arm.

She's wearing a short-sleeved dress. It's a long, del-
icate arm and Deckard holds it, inspecting it like a
maestro with a Stradivarius. He looks up at her.

You ever take a bath with a man

There's a lot I haven't done with
a man before.

He's got her hand in the water and had begun to soap
her arm. Starting with her wrist and running the bar
to her elbow, up and down, slow and slippery. She
watches, not quite sure of the ritual.

He pulls her closer, and runs his hand up higher, mould-
ing and pressing, working around her flesh, up and under
her arm into the privacy of her dress.

You're getting me wet.

Oh, yes. For a moment Deckard stares at her like some
furry-legged satyr in rut, the fingers of his other
hand rake through her hair and into the water she comes.
Genres: ["Science Fiction","Action","Drama"]

Summary Deckard chases down Zhora, kills her, and then gets attacked and arrested by police officers. He is scolded by Bryant for his recklessness, has a drink with Leon, and then is ambushed by Leon in an alleyway. Leon tortures Deckard, but Rachael comes to his rescue and drops Deckard's gun by his side. In Deckard's apartment, Rachael helps him recover, and they share an intimate moment.
Strengths "The scene is intense with several beats of conflict and action. The dialogue is sharp, and the character interactions are engaging. The reveal of Deckard's vulnerability and Rachael's desire to help him adds depth to their relationship."
Weaknesses "The scene is longer than necessary, and some moments feel drawn out, which can detract from the pacing and tension."
Critique This scene from Blade Runner has good visuals and tension, showing the chase and confrontation between Deckard and Leon, a replicant. The dialogue is also well-written, with both characters exchanging meaningful questions and statements. However, the scene could benefit from a clearer sense of pacing, as some of the action feels rushed or unclear. Additionally, the scene’s inclusion of sexual tension between Deckard and Rachael feels out of place given the context and tone of the rest of the scene. Overall, the scene is well-executed, but could use some refinement in certain areas.
Suggestions Here are some suggestions to improve the scene:

1. Add more physical description: While the scene provides a lot of dialogue and action, there isn't much physical description of the characters or the setting. Adding more sensory details can help readers better visualize and connect with the scene.

2. Clarify character motivations: While Leon's dialogue provides some insight into his thoughts and beliefs, it's not clear why he attacks Deckard in this moment. Adding more context to the scene, such as why Leon believes Deckard has information about Zhora or what his ultimate goal is, can help readers understand his motivations and make the scene more meaningful.

3. Develop the dynamic between Deckard and Rachael: The scene between Deckard and Rachael feels disjointed from the rest of the action and doesn't add much plot-wise. By developing their relationship more and showing how it evolves over time, the scene can feel more organic and contribute to the greater narrative.

4. Tighten up dialogue and action: Some of the dialogue and action in this scene could be tightened up to make it more impactful and efficient. For example, some of the dialogue feels repetitive and the action could be condensed to make it more fluid and engaging.

Scene 21 -  Morning After
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 6
  • Plot: 7
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 7

The bed looks like it was hit by a storm and Deckard
looks like something that was washed up in it. He's
spread out flat, face creased and puffed.

His eyes squint open, but only for a moment. His
hands are more reliable. They search over the bed,
but find it bare. He edges his head over the side,
looking around for signs, but she's all gone. He
gets up in two stages, sits and then stands. Then
sits again, resting his head in his hands.


Deckard's got his face in the mirror shaving it. It's
been a long night. Nothing a new tongue and a trans-
fusion wouldn't put right. He moves a couple of inches
to the left so his eyes have a view of the tub.


Deckard is on the edge of the couch with the phone on
his knees, the card with Rachael's number in his lap
and having no luck.

Sorry, I am not in at the moment,
but if you'll leave your name and
number I'll return your call as
soon as I can.

That's not soon enough. Deckard hangs up, puts the
phone on the floor and leans back on the couch.

Fuck you, then.


The rooster perched on the chair spreading its scrawny
wings, strains from the tips of its toes, crowing at
the ceiling. Between crows there's a TAPPING at the

You might call this a "barnyard" apartment. There's
straw on the floor and several hens roosting against
the back wall. The front door opens a few inches and
Sebastian pokes his head in.

Mr. Deetchum? Hello?

Nobody seems to be home except his chickens. As Sebas-
tian enters, closing the door behind him, a goose
charges out of the bedroom hissing and honking.

Now, now, Waddles.

Seeming to recognize Sebastian as no intruder, Waddles
veers off from the attack. As Sebastian crosses the
room a pig peeks out from behind the couch.
Hello, Wrigley.

He goes to the chickens and collects some eggs, putting
them into a bowl he's brought. He puts down the bowl
and reaching into his pocket carefully counts out the
payment and puts the money on a plate. He's about to
leave but notices there's no water in the dispenser.

Mr. Deetchum isn't taking very
good care of you people.

Pouring from a jug on the table, he fills the dispenser
with water, scatters a little grain on the floor, gets
his bowel of eggs and leaves.

Wrigley grunts and comes out from behind the couch for
a long drink.


Sebastian arrives on his floor, walks down the hall to
his apartment, opens the door, walks in.
Genres: ["sci-fi","drama"]

Summary Deckard wakes up alone after an intimate moment with Rachael and tries to reach her. Meanwhile, Sebastian tends to his farm animals and comments on Mr. Deetchum's poor care for them.
  • Provides a quiet moment to reflect on the previous scene
  • Introduces Sebastian as a new character and his connection to Deckard's case
  • Slow pacing may lose viewer interest
  • Does not advance the main plot significantly
Critique Overall, this scene has good visual description and sets a clear tone of a bleak morning for Deckard. However, there are a few areas for improvement.

Firstly, the dialogue between Deckard and Rachael feels a bit contrived and predictable. It doesn't add much to the scene and could be shortened or reworked to be more interesting.

Secondly, the transition between Deckard's apartment, Mr. Deetchum's apartment, and Sebastian's floor feels sudden and disjointed. Some smoother transitions or clearer connections between the locations could be added to make the scene flow better.

Finally, while the descriptions of the barnyard setting are vivid and entertaining, the scene itself doesn't contribute much to the overall plot of the story and could be shortened or cut without losing much.

Overall, this scene has potential but could use some refining in terms of dialogue and structure.
Suggestions First, it's unclear who "she" is in the first paragraph. It would be helpful to establish this earlier or provide context. Additionally, the scene could benefit from more action and movement. Currently, there is a lot of description and dialogue, but not much happening in terms of movement or action. Consider adding more physicality to the scene to make it more dynamic. Finally, there could be more clarity in the transition between different locations. It's not immediately clear how Deckard goes from his bedroom to his bathroom to his living room. Providing more details or establishing transitions would help the scene flow more smoothly.

Scene 22 -  Sebastian's Hospitality
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 7
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 9
  • Dialogue: 7

He turns to close door, comes face to face with Roy
Batty. Sebastian drops his bowl of eggs. Batty's
hand flashes out and catches it.


Smiling, Batty hands them back to Sebastian, who is
too startled to speak.

Pris runs up and gives Batty and Mary a big hug, steps
back effusing and smiling, everybody's favorite teen-

This is my Uncle Roy, Sebastian.

Hello, glad to meet you.

He pumps Sebastian's free hand.

And my Aunt Mary.

Sebastian turns and there's Aunt Mary, modest and warm.

And this is my savior, J.F. Sebastian,
Sebastian stands there with his eggs, bashful and ex-
cited, the hero of this little family's warm attention.

Can't thank you enough, Mr. Sebastian.
If you hadn't come along...

We were worried to death. It's
awfully kind of you.

Sebastian is nodding and smiling.

We're not used to the big city.
Where we come from it's not so
easy to get lost.

You certainly have a nice place

Well stocked.

Batty looks around admiringly. Sebastian mumbles some-
thing that sounds like "Thank you."

Sebastian doesn't like to go out
too much.

I keep a lot of provisions right

I like a man who stays put. An
admirable thing to be able to
sustain yourself in these times.
You live here all by yourself, do

Well, no, not really. There's
Mr. Deetchum, he's the watchman,
he lives on the first floor.

Everybody nods. A long pause.

We haven't found it easy, Mr.

They glance around the room, waiting for Sebastian to
pick up the ball.
How about breakfast, I was just
going to make some.

If it wouldn't be too much of a
bother... a little bite to eat
would be...

Oh, no bother, I'd be glad to.

Well, actually

We're famished.

Sebastian is truly happy.

Okay, then. You make yourselves
comfortable and I'll bring the
food right out.

He disappears into the kitchen. Batty looks happy with
the way things are going.


Pris comes up close. Her tone muted but demanding.


Batty finds her attitude amusing, which makes her even
more pugnacious.

I want to know what's going on.

There's a punitive edge to Batty's response.

There's only three of us left.

Pris is shocked. Her whisper comes out a hiss.

Then we're stupid and we'll die.

Not if everybody is doing their
job here at home. How are things
at home?
A little spotted pig on the table sits up.

Home again, jiggidy jig.

They all turn and stare at the pig. Batty is delighted.

I don't trust him. I don't think
he knows what he's doing.

The BELL-TONE from the microwave goes off in the kitchen.

He knows what he's doing.

If he won't cooperate?

Mr. Sebastian is a host who wants
to be appreciated. We'll
appreciate him and he'll cooperate.
Genres: ["Sci-Fi","Drama"]

Summary Batty and Pris seek refuge with J.F. Sebastian and try to persuade him to help them, while Sebastian basks in their appreciation and offers them breakfast.
  • Tension is built through the subtext of the scene, as the audience knows more than the characters and senses potential danger.
  • Character dynamics are well-developed and add complexity to the central conflict.
  • The scene feels like a bit of a lull in the action compared to what has come before and what will come after.
Critique Overall, this scene does a good job of establishing the relationships between the characters and the stakes of the story without being overly expositional. However, there are a few areas that could be improved upon.

Firstly, the dialogue could benefit from being more specific to each character's voice. At times, the characters' lines feel interchangeable, and it's not always clear who is speaking. Adding in more unique phrasing or specific references to each character's background or personality would help give them more distinct voices.

Secondly, the action in the scene is mostly limited to characters speaking with one another. Adding in some small bits of movement or blocking would help liven up the scene and give the characters more to do. For example, having Sebastian continue to clean up the broken eggs or having Batty and Mary take off their jackets and get comfortable would help make the scene feel more dynamic.

Finally, while the information about the characters and their situation is important, there are moments where the dialogue feels a bit on-the-nose. For example, when Batty asks about Sebastian living alone, it feels like a way to set up the upcoming conflict rather than a natural conversation between characters. Finding more subtle ways to convey the necessary information would make the scene feel more organic.

Overall, this scene does a good job of setting the stage for the rest of the story, but could benefit from some tweaks to the dialogue and action to make it more engaging.
Suggestions Here are some suggestions to improve this scene:

1. Increase the tension: The scene lacks tension, which is crucial in a thriller movie. You can create tension by adding more suspenseful moments, such as Batty's movements around the apartment. You can also add more dialogue that hints at the danger the characters face.

2. Develop the characters: While the scene introduces the characters, it doesn't give them enough depth. To improve this, you can add more backstory that explores how the characters ended up in this situation. You can also add more character traits to make them more relatable and interesting.

3. Improve the pacing: The scene is too slow and feels stagnant. You can improve the pacing by adding more action or by tightening the dialogue. This will help keep the audience engaged and interested in the story.

4. Increase the stakes: The scene lacks high stakes; there is no impending danger or threat to the characters. To improve this, you can add a sense of urgency or increase the level of danger they face. This will help keep the audience invested in the story.

5. Improve the dialogue: The dialogue feels awkward in some places, and there are some parts that don't make sense. To improve this, you can rewrite some of the dialogue to make it more natural and believable. You can also add more subtext or hidden meanings to the dialogue, which will add depth to the characters and their motivations.

Scene 23 -  Deckard's Dilemma
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 7
  • Plot: 7
  • Characters: 9
  • Dialogue: 9

Holden is laid out in an apparatus that resembles an
iron lung. A little above his head, facing him, is a
bank of bio-feedback lights registering body functions.

Deckard is in a chair sitting next to his friend.

Holden has lost weight, his face is grey, he can't
move his head, but he's smiling like the cat who ate
the canary.

How are you doing, old man?

Holden's voice is just a whisper -- the kind of whisper
that comes out of the joker at the back of the class.

I'm great. I mean, I know I'm
not really great, but I feel just
great. How you like my new suit?

Well, you don't have to worry
about getting it wrinkled.

Holden's eyes close, his smile gets bigger and little
spasms of laughter pump out of his mouth.

Don't make me laugh. It makes me


Hey, it's okay. I like to pee.
So how are you doing?

I'm doing okay.

From what I hear you're doing
great. Bryant tells me you're
going like a god damn one-man
army. Making a lot of money, huh?

But that's what I wanted to talk
to you about.


No. I got a problem.

Let's hear it.

I think I'm starting to empathize
with these Nexus-sixes.

Holden giggles. Starts to laugh again. A blue light
on the panel begins to turn very bright. They both
notice it.

What's that?

I'm taking a piss.

They wait for the light to abate.

Let me ask you something, Deck.
You been having intimate relations
with one of these units?

Deckard doesn't deny it. Holden smiles like a cherub.

That's what I thought... one of
the liabilities of the trade --
you has sex with your prey, old
buddy. That's bound to create
problems, unless you're a black

Deckard has to wait for him to stop giggling.

What about -- not sex -- but love?

Holden bites his bottom lip to keep the laugher out of
his voice, but he can't.

Love is just another name for sex.
Love is sexy and sex is lovely --
I don't care what you call it, an
android can't have it.

These aren't just...

I know what they are, Deck --
Look, maybe they can pretend to
feel, but far as the raw, hot
emotions of the old heart -- no

Holden stops talking for a moment to get some air.

Believe me, take it from an old
pro, no matter how good we get,
we're never gonna make an
artificial anything that can
feel. It's a contradiction.
You might as well go fuck your
washing machine.

Holden laughs, Deckard doesn't.

Just go out there and keep up
the good work.

Holden's whispers have become harder to hear.

Got to save it, Deck, I'm getting
sleepy. It's been good talking
to you.

Deckard stands.

But he's already asleep. Deckard stands there a moment
looking at him, then walks out.
Genres: ["Sci-fi","Drama"]

Summary Deckard confides in his ailing friend Holden about his empathetic feelings towards the replicants, and they discuss the nature of love and emotion. Holden cautions him against getting too close to his prey, but Deckard seems unconvinced.
Strengths "Great character development and introspection, thoughtful dialogue exploring themes of love and morality."
Weaknesses "Lack of action or plot progression."
Critique This scene is very well written. The dialogue is natural, witty, and filled with subtext. The characters have distinct voices and their personalities shine through in the way they speak. The setting is also described well, giving us a clear image of what is happening.

The use of dark humor in the scene is particularly effective, as the characters are in a serious situation but manage to find levity in it. The scene is also able to bring up complex themes, such as empathy and the nature of love, without becoming too heavy-handed or didactic.

Overall, this is a well-crafted scene that effectively advances the story and develops the characters.
Suggestions Here are a few suggestions to improve this scene:

1. Add descriptive language: The scene could benefit from more descriptive language, such as describing the hospital room, the apparatus Holden is lying in, and the sound of the bio-feedback panels. This would help to create a more vivid and immersive world for the audience.

2. Create more tension: The scene lacks tension and conflict. One way to add tension could be to have Holden be angry with Deckard for some reason, or to have Deckard reveal some important information that puts Holden in danger.

3. Develop the characters further: We don't know much about Holden other than that he's sick and that he and Deckard are friends. Adding more backstory or revealing more about Holden's personality would make the scene more engaging.

4. Add subtext: Right now, the dialogue is very straightforward. Adding subtext, where the characters say one thing but mean another, would add more depth to the scene and make it more interesting.

5. Have the scene lead to something: Right now, the scene doesn't seem to lead to anything. Adding a cliffhanger or having the scene set up a later event would give the scene more purpose and make it more memorable.

Scene 24 -  Reconnecting with Rachael
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 10
  • Dialogue: 9

He's sitting on the couch, glum, contemplative.
There's a SOUND. His eyes move to the door. Those
locks are opening again. Rachael comes in. Looks
surprised to see him. Him too.

I told you I'd come back.

You did?

You didn't hear me. You were

He likes that.

Are you glad I'm here?

He is. She's spunky. Hasn't seen this place in the
daytime. Pleased, he watched her move around the mess.
She spots a little framed photograph. Picks it up.
It's a man with a shotgun and a boy holding up a quail.

Who is this?

Me and my dad.

Where is he?



She puts it down and comes to him.

How come you're not on the job?

I am. Part of my job is to sit
on a couch and try and figure
things out.
How are you doing?

Not too good.

She sits next to him.

Pleased as hell, they both sit there staring straight
ahead. He looks at her. She looks at him.

What do people do in the afternoon?

If they are smart, they take


They're under the sheet. Rachael is on her back, look-
ing at the ceiling, hair sprawled like sea grass over
the pillow. Deckard lies next to her, a man studying
a treasure.

Do you dream?

Yeah. Sometimes.

I wish I could.

His hand moves over her shoulder.

Wishing is a kind of dreaming.

His hand goes under the sheet.

I mean asleep.

She feels good. He moves closer.

Did you cry when your father


That's another thing I can't
He kisses her lightly on the cheek.

Nobody is freer than when he
dreams. I read that.

It wasn't very good last night,
was it?

I don't know, I have nothing
to compare it to. I guess I
thought there was something
more to it.


I don't know... I think I missed


I'm not sure. Is there a

Her face is close. She's looking right at him. Her
lips are right there.

I don't know. If there is I'd
like to find it.

Slowly their lips touch and his arms slide under her
Genres: ["Sci-Fi","Romance"]

Summary Deckard wakes up with Rachael after their intimate moment, they discuss dreams and emotions.
Strengths "The scene conveys the growing emotional bond between Deckard and Rachael, while also giving deeper insights into their characters and emotions."
Weaknesses "The scene is slower in pace and does not contain much plot development."
Critique Overall, the scene is well-written and captures the mood and tension between Deckard and Rachael. However, there are a few areas that could benefit from improvement.

First, there is a lot of dialogue that doesn't seem to serve a purpose in furthering the plot or developing the characters. For example, the exchange about taking naps and reading that "nobody is freer than when he dreams" feels like filler.

Second, there is a lack of visual detail that could help to create a more vivid setting. Instead of simply describing the mess in Deckard's apartment, for example, the scene could benefit from a few specific details that help to paint a picture of the space.

Finally, the scene could benefit from more subtext and tension. While there is a sense of attraction between Deckard and Rachael, their dialogue feels a bit too on-the-nose and could benefit from more nuance and unspoken desire.

Overall, the scene is effective in establishing the relationship between Deckard and Rachael, but could benefit from a few tweaks to make it more engaging and emotionally resonant.
Suggestions Here are some suggestions to improve this scene:

1. Add more action and description: This scene is very dialogue-heavy, so adding more description and action will make it more engaging for the reader and viewer. For example, instead of just saying they're under the sheet, describe their body language and actions while they're in bed.

2. Use more vivid language: The language in this scene is very straightforward and plain. Using more expressive and descriptive language can help to paint a more vivid picture of what's happening. For example, instead of saying "She feels good," describe how Deckard feels when he touches her.

3. Make the dialogue more natural: The dialogue in this scene feels very stilted and scripted. Adding more natural-sounding language and making the characters' conversations feel less forced will make the scene more relatable and engaging.

4. Build more tension: The scene feels very static and calm, which can be boring to watch. Adding more tension and conflict between the characters can make the scene more interesting. For example, maybe Rachael is hesitant to be with Deckard because she's a replicant and he's a blade runner.

5. Add more backstory: The scene feels a bit empty, like it's just two characters talking without any context. Adding more backstory and information about their pasts can make the scene more emotionally impactful. For example, maybe Deckard opens up about his past as a blade runner and how he's struggling with the morality of his job.

Scene 25 -  A New Ally
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 7
  • Dialogue: 9

Batty, Pris and Mary sit at the table staring at their
host. Sebastian is staring back, his fork halfway to
his mouth, looking from face to face. Although nothing
is being said, he's totally comfortable, as much at
home with them as he is with his animoids.

Why are you staring at us?

You're just all so... so different.

Batty nods his head, smiling, sending home the fact and
Sebastian is certainly getting it.
What, Sebastian?

You're androids.

A long pause.

What makes you think so?

You're all so perfect.

Sebastian is smiling from ear to ear.

What generation are you?

Nexus - 6.

Sebastian whistles. Mary's head is shaking slightly.
Pris gets up and moves to the couch. Batty couldn't
be more pleased.

We can trust Sebastian, ladies.
He's been working with mechanisms
all his life. He's a wizard and
a very perceptive man.

Sebastian looks like a kid on Christmas Eve.

Could you...

His voice is trembling.

Show me something?

Like what?


Like a million things, but he's too excited to think of

We're not computers, Sebastian,
we're physical.

Pris perks up proudly.
I think, therefore I am.

Very good, Pris. Now show him why.

It's a command Pris is pleased to obey. She sits quiet-
ly a moment, hands folded in her lap, prim and proper.
Mary doesn't like these displays, but Batty is beaming.

Those hands in Pris' lap suddenly move, almost faster
than the eye can see and slam down on either side of
her, digging into the material with such ferocity that
Sebastian jumps. She plunges into the guts of the couch
up to her elbows and comes up holding springs and stuff-
ing. Except for the clenched teeth, she is smiling like
an angel.

Sebastian is riveted, his eyes wide and astounded, like
he's just seen the devil. He laughs nervously, glad
that the devil is a friend.

We have a lot in common.

You mean that you can't come here
and I can't go there?

Not only that, but we have smiliar
problems. Accelerated decrepitude.
But we don't want to die quite yet.

Of course not.

You could help us.

I don't know much about biomechanics,
Roy. I wish I did, but you're out
of my league.

If we don't find help soon, Pris
hasn't got long to live.

Sebastian sneaks a glance. Pris is staring at him with
big childlike eyes, Sebastian looks back at Batty, moved
but helpless.

What about your friend, the man
who owns this building?
Dr. Tyrell?

Batty nods.

He's not really my friend. I just
do a job for him now and then.

Tyrell could help us, Sebastian.

He could?

His company made us.

I'd be happy to mention it to him.

Be better if I could talk to him
in person. But he's not an easy
man to get to.


When do you deliver your project?

This afternoon.

Batty leans forward and looks right into Sebastian's

Will you help us?

There's no way Sebastian could say no, even if he
wanted to.


Pris sits up smiling. Mary sighs a breath of relief
and Batty leans back nodding in gratitude.

I'm sure glad you found us,
Sebastian. What do you think,

I don't think there is another
human being in this whole world
who would have helped us.


Pris gets up and comes to Sebastian and kisses him.

That has a lot of impact. Sebastian looks around try-
ing to keep the tears from coming.

You're our best and only friend.

Thank you.
Genres: ["Sci-Fi","Drama"]

Summary Batty, Pris, and Mary seek refuge with J.F. Sebastian and try to persuade him to help them find Dr. Tyrell in order to save Pris' life. Sebastian, touched by their appreciation, agrees to help them despite his lack of knowledge about biomechanics. The scene emphasizes the theme of empathy through Deckard's conversation with Holden.
Strengths "Strong exploration of theme and character emotions, significant plot development in terms of finding Dr. Tyrell"
Weaknesses "Somewhat slow pacing and less emphasis on action"
Critique This scene effectively establishes the relationship between Sebastian and the replicants. The dialogue is realistic and the characters are well-defined. The scene clearly shows how Sebastian is fascinated by the replicants and how they are in need of his help. The tension is built up nicely with Pris' display of strength and Sebastian's nervous reaction. However, the scene could benefit from some more visual description and action to break up the dialogue and add more depth to the characters and setting. Additionally, it could use some more emotional nuance and subtlety to make it even more impactful. Overall, it's a good scene but could benefit from some more development.
Suggestions Overall, the scene could benefit from more action and less dialogue. Here are some suggestions:

- Add more description of the characters' physical movements and reactions. For example, when Pris slams her hands into the couch, describe the sound and the way Sebastian jumps.
- Consider changing some of the dialogue to action. For example, instead of Batty saying "We can trust Sebastian," have him put his hand on Sebastian's shoulder. This will create a more tangible sense of trust and camaraderie between the characters.
- Consider breaking up the dialogue with more action beats. For example, after Sebastian agrees to help them, he could raise his glass to toast, or Batty could nod approvingly.
- Consider adding more tension to the scene. Right now, it feels a bit too easy for Sebastian to agree to help. Perhaps there could be a moment where he hesitates, or where one of the other characters questions his loyalty. This will make the scene more engaging for the audience.

Scene 26 -  Cleaning and waiting
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 7
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 7

Rachael is lying across the bed in one of Deckard's
shirts, her chin over the edge, her eyes moving around
the room. Deckard lies next to her. Looking like a
man who died a voluptuous death.

When was the last time you cleaned
this place?


Have you ever cleaned your

Don't be fooled by appearances.

It appears to be dirty -- why don't
you get somebody?

He rolls over to admire her legs.

Because they would ruin the

He kisses the back of her thigh.

They could clean around the

I don't like people snooping around
my stuff.

He kisses her other thigh, gets up and goes into the

There's a vacuum in the front room
closet is you wanna give it a try.

Rachael lies there a moment, then gets up and goes into
the front room and opens the closet door. The vacuum is
not easy to get to, but finally she wrestles it out. As
she starts to plug it in --

Oh no, don't do that.

He's wrapped in a sheet, watching her from the doorway.

But if I don't plug it in how can

Never mind the plug, just go
through the motions.

But then how can you...

I don't like the noise. Just
practice. Practice makes perfect.

She stares at him like he's nuts.

I'm serious. Go ahead. Show me
how you would do it.

Reluctantly she makes some half-hearted passes with the

How about under the couch there.
Come on.

She bends over to get it. Deckard pulls up a chair and
sits down with his chin in his hands. She looks back
at him.

This feels stupid.

Good for a smart girl to feel
stupid. Part of your education.
She drops the vacuum and sits on the floor. Deckard
gets up and comes towards her. Her eyes travel halfway
down his sheet and she leaves.

You're sick, Deckard.

I never felt better.


Mansion and opulent grounds. Sebastian's humble truck
parked among richer relations, including a spinner and
a 1928 Dusenberg.


The den. It contains a collection of big game trophies,
and among all this sits Sebastian very straight and
proper with an "egg" the size of a basketball in his

Old Hannibal Chew was right, the rich make you wait.
Sebastian stands and carefully makes his way between
the trophies to a window with a view of the grounds.


Tyrell's young WIFE sits on the diving board watching
her husband in the pool with their youngest TOT. And
two older LADS swim around trying to outdo each other
for their dad's attention.

From the sidelines an old servant pauses to watch the
fun, then continues with a tray of mugs towards the


And beyond on a plateau overlooking the grounds, a
figure stands watching, waiting like a bird of prey.


On a gravel path between shrubs of winter roses, Tyrell
turns to observe the last quiet light over his kingdom.
The moment is sweetened by the LOW PLAINTIVE BELLOW of
one of the animals.

He strolls by an old gardener who tips his cap, pro-
ceeds up the steps and into his mansion.


Next to a tray of cookies and milk, Sebastian sits pa-
tiently with the "egg" in his lap. As the door opens
he gets to his feet expectantly. It's STYLES, Tyrell's
bodyguard. He could play the Giant in Jack and The

Okay, I'll take that now.

Sebastian would rather put it in the boss's hands, but
Styles takes it and is almost through the door when
Sebastian stops him.


He almost forgot.

Can't fly without the pilot.

Sebastian hands him a little box. Styles stuffs it in
his pocket and shuts the door behind him.


Motionless and monumental, six buffalo stand like stat-
ues in the grass. Suddenly they swing their shaggy
heads to watch something pass.

In the dark silence Batty stops to look at the curious
beasts and then moves soundlessly towards the mansion.
Genres: ["science fiction","drama","romance"]

Summary Deckard and Rachael have an intimate moment, while Batty and Pris seek refuge with J.F. Sebastian in their search for Dr. Tyrell.
Strengths "The scene continues to explore the theme of empathy, with Deckard's conversations with Holden and Sebastian's willingness to help the replicants. Batty's presence in the scene adds suspense and builds towards the climax."
Weaknesses "The scene may feel slow and lacking in action for some viewers."
Critique Overall, the scene is well-written and engaging. The dialogue between Rachael and Deckard is natural and believable, and it reveals some interesting details about their characters and their relationship. The scene also effectively sets up the tension and anticipation of the following scenes at the Tyrell mansion.

However, there are a few areas that could be improved. The action beat where Rachael gets up and goes to the front room to get the vacuum feels a bit cumbersome and could be streamlined. Additionally, the final line of the scene, where Batty stops to look at the buffalo, feels a bit abrupt and disconnected from the rest of the scene. It may work better to have some more transitional context to better link this beat to the rest of the scene.

Overall, though, it's a well-written and effective scene.
Suggestions Here are some suggestions to improve the scene:

1. Increase the tension: While the conversation between Rachael and Deckard is interesting, it doesn't do much to drive the plot forward. To improve the scene, consider adding more tension and conflict between the characters. For example, maybe Rachael is starting to doubt Deckard's loyalty, or Deckard is keeping something from Rachael. This would make the scene more engaging and keep the audience invested in the story.

2. Showcase the stakes: It's not entirely clear why Rachael is cleaning the apartment or why it's important that she does so. To make the scene more purposeful, consider highlighting the stakes of the situation. For example, maybe Deckard needs the apartment to look presentable for an important meeting, or he's hiding something that needs to be kept secret.

3. Add depth to the characters: While Deckard and Rachael are in a romantic relationship, the scene doesn't reveal much about their personalities or history. To make the characters more compelling, consider delving into their backstories and motives. For example, maybe Deckard has a fear of outsiders due to a traumatic experience, or Rachael is struggling with her own identity as a replicant.

4. Include more sensory details: In a movie, the audience experiences the story through their senses. To make the scene more immersive, consider adding more sensory details. For example, describe the scents of the cleaning products Rachael is using or the sounds of the vacuum cleaner. This will draw the audience in and make the scene more vivid.

Scene 27 -  Tyrell's Family Celebration
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 7
  • Plot: 6
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 7

It's a medieval-sized hall. The piece de resistance is
an 18th Century, English painting of an Arab stallion,
gleaming like coal over the CRACKLING fireplace.

The entire family is seated at the table which glitters
for the festive occasion. Presents gathered around the
oldest child.

Styles hands the "egg" to Tyrell. A hush falls over
the table. This is Dad's big present. Tyrell sets is
down before the boy.

IAN is a fresh, slim lad who is ten today. He looks up
at his father, then, beaming, pries open the "egg's"
hinged lid. Tyrell's hand goes to his pocket and the
griffon steps out of the shell.


Basically an avian invention, it has wings and plumage,
the head of an eagle, the body of a lion and weighs no
more than eight pounds. It cranes its neck and testing
its balance, stands on one leg and then hops to the
edge of the table and into the air.

The littlest tot claps her hands as the griffon beats
its wings rapidly and rises towards the ceiling. Turn-
ing in a forty-five degree, it suddenly drops into a

Delighted, the children shriek and scream as the griffon
swoops over their crouching heads and sails the length
of the hall -- its silhouette flickering briefly over
the ancestral portraits of the Tyrell clan.

Reaching the end of the room, it banks sharply and
flies back towards the table, cups its wings, spreads
its tail and comes in for an awkward landing. They're
laughing and clapping as it waddles down the table and
knocks over a glass and stops in front of Ian.

Papa! Did you make this?

No. We can make man, but not a

He bends down and kisses his wife.

Have to give the cottage industry
a chance too.

Pleased he excuses himself and heads for the den.
Genres: ["Sci-Fi","Drama"]

Summary Tyrell and his family celebrate Ian's birthday with a magical present, the griffon.
Strengths "The scene creates a joyful and magical atmosphere through the invention of the griffon. The dialogue and character interactions show the love and appreciation within the Tyrell family."
Weaknesses "The scene doesn't advance the central conflict nor the character arcs."
Critique Overall, the scene is well-written and engaging. The description of the setting and the griffon is vivid and draws the reader into the world. The use of sound and action in the scene (Crackling fireplace, griffon beating its wings, children screaming and clapping) creates a lively atmosphere.

However, there are a few areas for improvement. The dialogue between Tyrell and his wife feels a bit forced and could benefit from more natural language and flow. Additionally, there is no clear conflict or tension in the scene, which makes it feel a bit flat. Adding a small obstacle or disagreement between characters could add depth to the scene.

Overall, this is a well-written scene that could benefit from a bit more conflict and natural dialogue.
Suggestions Overall, this scene seems to be a heartwarming family moment that captures the joy and wonder of a child's birthday. To improve the scene, here are some suggestions:

1. Add more description to the characters and setting: While the scene does have some descriptive elements, it could benefit from more sensory details that help paint a picture of the medieval hall and the characters seated at the table. For example, what are the family members wearing? Is the table set with ornate silverware and dishes? Are there any decorations around the room?

2. Add more conflict or tension: While the scene is pleasant, there is not much conflict or tension present. Consider adding in a moment where something goes wrong with the griffin invention, causing chaos at the dinner table.

3. Increase the stakes: This could be achieved by including consequences if the invention goes wrong or if the birthday celebration is not successful.

4. Develop the characters: Right now, the characters are not fully fleshed out. Consider adding in their personalities and quirks to create a more multidimensional scene.

5. Use dialogue to convey subtext: The dialogue in this scene is very direct and on-the-nose. Consider using subtext to convey more complex emotions and relationships between the characters.

Scene 28 -  Batty Confronts Tyrell
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 10
  • Dialogue: 8

Tyrell comes in and sits behind his desk. Sebastian
hands down the invoices. Tyrell glances over them and
writes out a check.

He looks up to hand it over when he sees Batty against
the wall, by the door. For a fraction of a second he's
shocked, but recovers fast.

A friend of yours, Sebastian?

Yes, this is someone who wants to
talk to you, Dr. Tyrell.

Batty smiles.

The name is Batty. Roy Batty.


Very slowly Tyrell's hand moves towards the back side
of the desk.

To act without understanding could
lead to the very thing the act
seeks to avoid.

What's in Batty's eyes completes the warning. Tyrell
decides to heed it.

A little talk it all I need.

Tyrell looks at Sebastian. Considers consequences.
Back to Batty.

Would you like to talk in private

Batty thinks it over.

Yeah. It might be better if we
talk in private, Sebastian. Why
don't you go home.

Here's your check, my boy. Thank

Thank you, Dr. Tyrell. I'll see
you later.

He slips out closing the door behind him. Opens it
again and sticks his head it.

Was everything okay?

Just beautiful.

He's gone.

If Tyrell is scared he's doing a good job of concealing

I'm surprised you didn't come to
me sooner.

It's not an easy thing to meet
your maker.

And what can he do for you?

Can the maker repair what he makes?

Would you like to be modified?

Had in mind something a little more

What's the problem?


I'm afraid that's a little out of

Batty cuts in with a whisper.

I want more life, fucker.

Come here.

Batty walks forward.

Sit down.

Batty does.

The facts of life. I'll be blunt.
To make an alteration in the
evolvement of an organic life
system, at least by men, makers
or not, it fatal. A coding sequence
can't be revised once it's


Because by the second day of
incubation any cells that have
undergone reversion mutation give
rise to revertant colonies -- like
rats leaving a sinking ship. The
ship sinks.

What about E.M.S. recombination?

We've already tried it -- ethyl
methane sulfonate is an alkylating
agent and a potent mutagen -- it
creates a virus so lethal the
subject was destroyed before we
left the table.

Batty nods grimly.

Then a repressor protein that blocks
the operating cells.

Wouldn't obstruct replication, but
it does give rise to an error in
replication, so that the newly
formed DNA strand carries a
mutation and you're got a virus
again... but all this is academic
-- you are made as good as we could
make you.

But not to last.

Put it this way. Rolls Royces are
made to last -- as least they were.
But I'm afraid you're a Ferrari.
A high strung racing car -- built
to win, not to last.

Batty smiles bitterly.

Also you're too valuable to
experiment with.

I am?

Tyrell can't help a flash of pride.

The bast of all possible androids.
We're proud of our prodigal son --
glad you're returned. You're quite
a prize.
Shoulders hunched, Batty looks down, an uncharacteristic
note of guilt in his voice.

I've done some questionable things.

Also extraordinary things.

Nothing the God of biomechanics
wouldn't let you in heaven for.

They share a laugh. In spite of himself, there's a look
of relief in Tyrell's face as Batty extends his hand.
Tyrell takes it and they shake. The reverence in Bat-
ty's eyes caused Tyrell a fatherly smile. The smile
turns into a growl as he feels the bones in his hands
crack. Before the scream comes out of his mouth, Batty
stifles it.

Tyrell claws at the iron fingers, but they're sinking
into his face. Placing his other hand behind Tyrell's
head, Batty squeezes them together and squashes the
man's head like a melon. The mess is not small.

Palms up, like a surgeon, Batty walks to the drapes and
wipes off the gore and without looking back, strolls out
of the room.
Genres: ["Sci-Fi","Thriller"]

Summary Batty seeks to find a way to extend his life as he talks with Dr. Tyrell. Tyrell informs Batty that there's no way to modify him and give him more life. In a moment of anger and frustration, Batty kills Tyrell.
Strengths "Strong character development with Batty and Tyrell, heightened tension through dialogue and actions leading up to the climactic moment of Batty killing Tyrell."
Weaknesses "Dialogue occasionally feels heavy-handed and expository."
Critique Overall, the scene is well-written and engaging. The dialogue feels natural and reveals important information about the characters and their motivations. The tension between Tyrell and Batty is palpable and keeps the audience engaged.

One possible critique could be the lack of description in the scene. While the dialogue and action are clear, there could be more attention paid to the setting and characters' physical actions and expressions. This would make the scene more vivid and immersive for the audience.

Additionally, while the scene is effective in advancing the plot and character development, it could benefit from a stronger visual element or more action to keep the audience engaged. A higher stakes conflict or physical altercation could add more excitement to the scene.

Overall, the scene is well-constructed and effective in advancing the story, but could benefit from more attention paid to description and action.
Suggestions Here are a few suggestions to improve the scene:

1. Add tension and suspense: The scene could benefit from more tension and suspense leading up to the moment where Batty kills Tyrell. Perhaps we could see more of Tyrell's fear or anxiety as he realizes the danger he's in.

2. Develop the character of Tyrell: We don't know much about Tyrell besides the fact that he's a genius and a maker of androids. Adding more depth to his character, such as his motivations or personal history, could make the scene more emotionally impactful.

3. Make Batty's motives clearer: It's not entirely clear why Batty has come to see Tyrell or what he wants from him. Developing his motivations and goals could make the scene more compelling and give more weight to his actions at the end.

4. Use more descriptive language: The scene could benefit from more descriptive language to help us visualize the setting, the characters, and their actions. For example, we could describe Tyrell's office in more detail or the look on Batty's face when he delivers his lines.

5. Build up to the climax: The scene currently has a slow pace, which may not be effective in building momentum leading up to the climactic moment where Batty kills Tyrell. Adding more plot points or character interactions leading up to the climax could increase the tension and make the scene more engaging.

Scene 29 -  Batty Kills Tyrell
  • Overall: 10.0
  • Concept: 9
  • Plot: 10
  • Characters: 9
  • Dialogue: 8

Styles is coming down the hall. He sees Batty coming
towards him. Styles looks at him curiously, this is not
one of the guests. As they close, Batty smiles.

Could you tell me where the
bathroom is?

Styles doesn't get a chance to answer. Batty's hand has
torn into his crotch. The man is lifted off the floor,
up the wall and held a moment. Whatever is encased in
his pelvis is pulverized. Batty lets go. Styles hits
the floor. He died of shock. Grinding his teeth, Batty
continues towards the SOUNDS OF THE FESTIVITIES.


The birthday cake has arrived, the candles lit. They're
waiting for Dad. Mrs. Tyrell looks around to find Batty
observing from the doorway.

A little startled, a little curious, but ever the cor-
porate wife, she smiles.
May I help you?

Batty smiles back and shakes his head in mock regrets.


In the sink the faucet is on. The water pink with
blood. Batty is washing his hands.

A portly maid emerges from the pantry. Batty looks up.
She stops, embarrassed at being caught. Her eyes no-
tice drops of blood on the floor and follow them to the
door. When she looks back, Batty is right in front of
Genres: ["Science Fiction","Thriller"]

Summary Batty seeks to prolong his life, but is informed by Dr. Tyrell that it is impossible. Batty becomes angry and kills Tyrell.
Strengths "Intense and dramatic climax to a central conflict in the plot. Highlights the central themes of the film."
Weaknesses "The violence may be too graphic for some audiences."
Critique First, it's important to note that as a screenwriting expert, I do not condone or recommend violent or gratuitous scenes.

In terms of critique, the scene could benefit from more clarity and description. It's unclear how Batty is able to lift Styles off the floor and up the wall, and what exactly is causing the pulverization in his pelvis. This lack of detail and explanation makes the scene less believable for the audience. Additionally, the transition from the violent act to the festivities in the dining room feels abrupt and disjointed. Finally, some of the character actions and reactions, such as Mrs. Tyrell's immediate smile upon seeing Batty and the maid's lack of response to the drops of blood on the floor, could be more nuanced and realistic. Overall, the scene could benefit from stronger character development, clearer descriptions, and more seamless transitions.
Suggestions As an AI language model, I can't provide a personal opinion, but here are some suggestions on how the scene could be improved based on traditional screenwriting techniques.

Firstly, the scene is quite violent, and therefore, it might be worth considering how this fits into the overall tone and themes of the movie. Is this level of violence necessary to advance the plot, or is it gratuitous? If the latter is true, the scene could be cut or toned down to avoid making the audience uncomfortable.

Secondly, it might be worth giving Styles some more depth before his death. For example, does he have any connection to the main characters? Are the guests at the party aware of his presence? These details could help create tension and make his violent death more impactful.

Thirdly, the scene could benefit from more visual storytelling. For example, instead of explicitly stating that Styles died of shock, the audience could see his body convulsing or hear the sound of his last breath. Similarly, the audience could see Batty's facial expression change before he attacks Styles, which would signal to the audience that something bad is about to happen.

Finally, there could be more build-up and foreshadowing for Batty's violent tendencies. For example, earlier in the movie, he could have displayed some behavior that hinted at his tendency towards violence. This would make his attack on Styles feel more like a natural progression of his character arc.

Scene 30 -  The Ultimatum
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 9
  • Dialogue: 9

Books scattered on the bed. Rachael sitting cross-
legged with one in her lap, looking through exquisite
shots of nature. Deckard is next to her, watching her
like a lover, like a father.

She'd never seen the great outdoors.
Never even seen books on the
subject. She went through
everything I had, and we talked.
And there were subjects we didn't
discuss and they were words we
didn't say, I couldn't say, like
death, like future, like real. But
it was hard because she was curious
and full of questions. She was
more alive than anyone I'd ever

She looks up stunned by the beauty of a photo, but with
no need to comment. It's in her eyes. She stares at
him, a revelation taking shape.

You and I are good friends, huh?

He considers it and she stares at him, smiling at the
wonder of it.

It's so easy.

Convinced and not convinced, he nods his head. She
laughs at his solemnity. She's irresistible. Deckard's
pretty irresistible himself.

Have you ever known anybody a long
You mean a woman?


What's a long time?

Ten years.

Nope. Nobody could stand me that

The CHIME on the PHONE next to the bed GOES OFF. He
reaches out and brings it to his ear.


This is Bryant. Are you alone?


She's not with you?


A pause.

Take a number. Canapt 1700, tenth
floor, Villa Vita District, Olympia

Got it.

Okay, here it is. Eldon Tyrell, his
family and half his staff were just
massacred. The cat is about to get
out of the bag. Pressure is
definitely on. The Nexus program
is terminated. When you finish
there, locate Nexus designated Rachael
and retire.

Deckard says nothing.
If you don't, we will. It has to
be total, Deckard. That's an order
from as high as it comes. Got it?

Yeah. I got it.


He hangs up the receiver and gets up. She watches him
from the bed. The gun goes into his belt. He loads
the ankle job and straps it on. She watches every move.

Why do you call it retire, why
don't you call it murder?

Because it's not.

Don't you think anything that can
suffer deserves to be considered?

Andies only simulate suffering --
if they're programmed for it.

Do you think I simulated what
happened between us?

No, I don't.

Without looking at her, he puts on his jacket.

He's standing in the middle of the floor with his back
to her. He turns and they're facing one another.
Neither of them moves.

Don't leave here. Don't open the
door, don't answer the phone.

What difference will it make?

Just wait here.

He goes to the door.

You know what I think?

That some of the folks around here
are more programmed then me.

He has to laugh.

You know what else I think?


This was the best day of my life.

He turns and goes through the door.
Genres: ["sci-fi","drama","thriller"]

Summary Deckard receives an order from Bryant to retire Rachael after the massacre of Tyrell and his staff. Deckard insists it's not murder, while Rachael questions the ethics of retiring an android that can suffer.
Strengths "tense atmosphere, nuanced ethical debate"
Weaknesses "limited action, some stiffness in the dialogue"
Critique Overall, this scene effectively conveys the bond that has formed between Deckard and Rachael and sets up the overarching conflict of the mission he is about to undertake. The use of voiceover helps to give insight into Deckard's thoughts and emotions. However, some of the dialogue between the two characters feels a bit forced and cheesy, particularly when discussing the length of a friendship and the use of the word "retire" instead of "murder". The reveal of the mission to retire Rachael also feels abrupt and could have been better foreshadowed. Additionally, the lack of physical action or movement in the scene could make it feel stagnant onscreen.
Suggestions First, I would suggest tightening up the dialogue to make it more concise and impactful.

For example, instead of "She looks up stunned by the beauty of a photo, but with no need to comment. It's in her eyes. She stares at him, a revelation taking shape."

You could simplify it to: "She looks up, stunned by the photo. It's in her eyes. A revelation takes shape."

Another suggestion would be to add more visual description to the scene. There are a lot of close-ups on the characters' faces, but more detail on their surroundings would help the audience connect with the environment. What does Deckard's bedroom look like? Are there any unique decorations or furniture that would bring more character to the location?

Finally, the ending of the scene feels abrupt. It might help to add in more tension or conflict to build up to the moment when Deckard receives the news about the Tyrell massacre. Maybe Rachael senses something is wrong and worries about him leaving, or there could be more urgency to his phone call with Bryant. This would make the transition from the peaceful moment to the upcoming danger more impactful.

Scene 31 -  Hunt in Sebastian's Apartment
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 10
  • Characters: 9
  • Dialogue: 8

Sebastian is putting his work table in order, but his
mind is not with it and his hands are trembling.

Batty, Pris and Mary are on the other side of the room
talking: their voices low.

Let's go while there is still



Batty smiles.

What's the point?

Not to be trapped.

You underestimate the trap, Mary.

Sebastian has almost reached the door.

Where are you going, Sebastian?

Just thought I'd...
No, you stay here with us. Out
last night together.

They all watch.

Sebastian walks away from the door.

Think of yourself as a light, Mary.
Shine before you're turned off.

She's too fragile for that logic, but it appeals to
Pris. She and Batty hold a look that burns.

Sebastian is by the window.

Someone is coming here.

Batty goes to the window and looks down.

One man.
(he smiles)
He must be good.

Then go get him.

That wouldn't be very sporting.

Sebastian looks ready to bolt. Batty puts an arm
around him.

I want to do it.

Okay, but don't kill him. Save a
little for everybody. A

A pause.

Turn out the lights, Pris.


In the dim, nocturnal light, Deckard crosses into the
courtyard fronting the building and stops. He looks
around. Nobody there, just silence.

He comes closer to the building and stands in the sha-
dows off to one side of the entry.

His head jerks up to the SOUND OF CRASHING GLASS.

Sebastian comes hurtling down and explodes into the
pavement thirty feet below.

Deckard's eyes move up the line of descent, the shat-
tered window on the next-to-top floor.


Not much to see, But Deckard misses none of it as he
crosses the floor and positions himself in the spot of
least exposure. He looks around. Elevator and stair-

Close to the wall, he moves towards the elevator, keep-
ing an eye on the stairwell door.

Stepping to one side, he hits the button. The elevator
door slides open. He reaches in, presses a button and
as the doors slide shut, Deckard slips a pen between
the doors, jamming the operation.

Deckard's shoes and soundless as he quickly crosses the
lobby floor. He pauses a moment in front of the stair-
well door, then pushes it open and:


Steps into the dark on the other side. Suddenly he
spins, dropping to the floor, and FIRES three times in-
to the figure hovering to his left.

The man is hanging off the floor, his arms locked into
the railing, neck broken -- with three holes in his
chest... but he was already dead.

Deckard stares at the corpse. It's Mr. Deetchum, the
old watchman. That RUSTLING SOUND are rats who were
feeding on him, scampering for safer places, Deckard
gets to his feet.

The stairway rectangles ten stories up. As his foot
touches the first step, a raw, terrified SCREAM shatters
the air. It came from below. It's the cry of a young
STOPS. Deckard ejects the half-used cartridge from his
laser, inserts a fresh one and quiet as the silence,
descends the basement stairs.


At the bottom he faces a corridor. The FAINT HUM OF
MACHINERY comes from the double doors at the far end.
The HUM BECOMES A RATTLE by the time he gets there.
Each door is fitted with a small window. Deckard
steps to the side and peers through.
Genres: ["Sci-Fi","Action","Thriller"]

Summary Deckard arrives at Sebastian's apartment and witnesses Batty and his group discussing their next plan. Sebastian alerts them to Deckard's arrival and falls prey to Batty's manipulation. Deckard hunts down Batty's group one by one, discovering the corpses of the building's residents along the way.
Strengths "The tension and suspense of the scene keeps the audience engaged. The conflict between Deckard and Batty's group is compelling."
Weaknesses "The scene is a bit dark and gruesome at times. Some of the character interactions feel forced."
Critique The scene is well-written and effectively sets the tense and mysterious tone of the story. However, as a screenwriting expert, I would suggest some changes to improve the scene's structure and pacing.

Firstly, the scene could benefit from more visual description and action. There is a lot of dialogue, which takes up most of the scene, and not enough physical movement or imagery. For example, when Sebastian falls out of the window, it would be interesting to see a detailed description of his descent and impact, rather than just a brief mention of it. This would add to the tension and drama of the scene and make it more engaging for the audience.

Additionally, the scene could be tightened up and made more efficient. There are some moments where the dialogue feels repetitive or unnecessary, such as when Batty and Mary discuss leaving and Batty says "what's the point?" It may be more effective to cut some of these lines and get to the action more quickly.

Finally, the scene could benefit from a clearer objective or goal for the characters. Right now, they are simply talking and waiting for someone to arrive, but it is not clear what they are trying to achieve or what their plan is. Giving them a more defined objective would help drive the scene forward and create more tension and conflict.
Suggestions Overall, the scene is well written and sets up the tension for what is about to happen. Here are some suggestions to improve the scene further:

- Add more visual and sensory details: Currently, the scene relies heavily on dialogue and action, but adding more visual and sensory details can make it more immersive for the audience. For example, describe the lighting in the room, the temperature, or any sounds (other than dialogue) that can be heard.

- Clarify character motivations: Batty and Mary's motivations for wanting to leave and Pris's desire to kill the man are not entirely clear. Adding more backstory or context for their motivations can help the audience better understand and connect with the characters.

- Increase the stakes: The audience needs to feel like Deckard is in real danger and that there are significant consequences if he fails. Adding more tension, suspense, or danger can increase the stakes and make the scene more exciting.

- Focus on a singular goal: The scene currently has multiple things happening at once (Sebastian putting his work table in order, Batty and Mary discussing leaving, Deckard approaching the building, etc.). Focusing on a singular goal (e.g. Deckard trying to rescue someone or stop a specific event) can help the scene feel more cohesive and focused.

Scene 32 -  Deckard's Final Showdown
  • Overall: 10.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 10
  • Characters: 10
  • Dialogue: 8

It's a gym. The mirror-lined walls are cracked and
tarnished, the equipment atrophied from lack of use.
The heavier barbells have sunk into the floor. Two
weight-reducing machines are flapping and grinding away
like idiots. Deckard's eyes stop on the woman.

She dangles a few feet off the floor, hung by the
shoulders through rings suspended from the ceiling.
Her head is slung forward, her body limp and slightly

Deckard pushes open one of the doors until it touches
the wall. Slowly, he advances toward the hanging figure,
keeping an eye on the mirror to cover surprises from the
door. He's not breathing hard. His heart isn't pound-
ing. Deckard's in his element.

Close enough to look up into her face, he stops. It
isn't grisly death that causes the reaction in his
eyes. It's the innocence of her angel face.

It's not something he has time to consider. In the
mirror behind him, he sees the door starting to open.
Deckard spins. He shouldn't have. Pris' legs snap up,
crack the laser out of his hand and clamp around his

Slowly, the door swings closed, but Deckard doesn't
notice. His carotid artery is no longer sending blood
to the brain. He jerks up his foot and reaches down.
As his fingers close around the ankle laser, Pris'
fingers close around his wrist. Deckard's hand opens
like a flower. The laser drops to the floor as his
eyes roll back into his head.

Naughty, naughty.

She lets go, but before he can fall, she rams a foot
into his back. He's propelled fifteen feet across the
room, slams into a machine and falls to the floor.
Pris flies off the rings and comes at him.

Deckard reaches out to pull himself up, but she's al-
ready there. Not too hard and just in the right place,
she kicks him in the stomach. He goes back to the
floor, gagging for air. Oh-so-precisely she reaches
out with a long index finger and flips the switch on
the machine.

It's a flab eliminator with a vibrator belt. Normally
an innocuous piece of equipment, but the motor housing
on this one is missing. Lots of GRINDING METAL. A
bad place for flesh and bone.

But that's where Deckard's hand is going. An eight-
year-old against a full-down man. In two more seconds
his hand will be ground round. Deckard tries to pull
his hand loose. It won't come. He yanks hard, but
it's welded in hers.

His face is twisted and strained as he raises a leg,
wedges his foot against her chest and pushes with all
his might. The hold breaks. They topple back. Deckard
hits the floor gulping to catch his breath. Pris is up
and coming for him again. She hovers over him. Deckard
rolls out of the way as she comes down like a pile

Reflexively Deckard raises his arm to protect himself.
Pris just smiles, takes hold of his foot and drags him
across the floor. She doesn't like to leave a piece of
work unfinished. They're going back to the machine.

He goes by a weight-stand of dumbbells and grabs hold.
It doesn't stop him. He's sliding over the floor like
it was ice, weight stand in tow.

Pris gets to the machine, yanks his foot up and forces
it toward the opening. Deckard sits up, a five-pound
dumbbell in his hand, and clobbers her in the back. It
knocks her off balance, but she doesn't let go of his
foot. She hooks out with a fist but misses. He gets
her with a roundhouse in the face.

She goes to the floor and Deckard's up, the dumbbell
over his head, coming down with it. Fighting for her
life now, Pris drives a foot into his chest. It lifts
him off the floor. He flies back across the gym and
lands in a heap.

No more games. Pris is furious and moving fast. She
rips a steel bar out of the wall and, holding it over-
head, charges him like a samurai. As she comes down
for the kill, she freezes.

Deckard landed near the laser. He crawls towards it.
As in a nightmare, it takes forever. But he gets there.

He reaches out and grabs the laser, rolls over and
takes careful aim. She charges towards him, screaming
her rage. He FIRES as she comes.

The shot amputates her left arm at the shoulder, but
her hand doesn't let go of the bar. It dangles crazily
in front of her as she charges forward.

He PUTS THE NEXT ONE through her neck. Pris hiccups a
rope of blood as she flies through the air and crashes
next to Deckard. Dead.

He lies next to her, chest heaving. Slowly he rolls
over and gets to his hands and knees. Panting, he stag-
gers to his feet and stands over her, swaying slightly.
The sound that escapes his throat is raspy and dry. It
might not sound like a war cry, but it is.


Laser in hand, Deckard kicks open the swinging doors
and walks into the corridor, a dangerous man.


Deckard arrives at the main floor landing, checks his
loads and continues up the stairs. He's going to shoot
the next thing that moves and find out later if he was
right or wrong.


On the next landing he throws the door open. His eyes
move down the hall, looking for prints in the dust.
None. He continues up the stairs.


On the ninth floor he finds what he's looking for.
Footprints coming and going from a door halfway down the
hall. He stops to the side of it and listens. Silence.
Deckard FIRES three quick shots through the door. If
somebody were on the other side of it, they aren't now.

He kicks the door open and dives through head first
and hits the floor in a roll, POURING FIRE into the
far corners of the room but the room is empty. There's
a kitchen bar, a closet and a bedroom door, both
closed. Deckard's breathing is the only sound. No
response from either door.

Maybe it was a sound, maybe intuition, but suddenly
Deckard twists around and FIRES several shots into the
closet. The smouldering door slowly creaks open.

Mary is huddled in the rear of the closet. Her hand
out like somebody about to catch a ball but afraid of
it. In her other hand she clutches a button-eyed
monkey. Her face is bewildered, frozen in fear, her
body riddled with holes. No recognition gap here.
Deckard SHOOTS her through the neck to make sure. Mary
falls to the floor, like a puppet with her strings cut.

Deckard backs away from the pathetic figure in the
closet and sits on the sofa, unable to take his eyes
off her.
Deckard lays the laser down next to him, holds out his
hand and looks at it. It's steady. He drops it in
his lap, closes his eyes and leans back.

A TAPPING from the ceiling. Deckard looks up.

A KNOCK -- with the proverbial DOUBLE RAP at the end.
A pause. Deckard jumps out of the way as the ceiling
gives in. Chucks on concrete and plaster hit the
couch where he was sitting. The hole is a couple feet
in diameter -- beams cracked through, exposing the
apartment above. Silence. Deckard wipes the plaster
dust from his eyes and mouth, then whispers:

Hello, Roy.


Deckard comes out onto the landing. Taking his time,
he climbs the steps to the next floor, the last floor.
He SHOOTS the hinges out of the big stairwell door,
pushes it with his foot and it comes down with a BANG.
The REVERBERATIONS turn into silence. The corridor is


Moving fast but cautious, he passes each door until he
gest to the apartment above Sebastian's. Slowly he
turns the know and pushed open the door.
Genres: ["Action","Sci-Fi","Thriller"]

Summary Deckard engages in a final fight with Pris and continues his hunt for Batty and his group.
Strengths "Intense action, well-choreographed fight scenes, and high stakes."
Weaknesses "Some of the dialogue could have been more impactful."
Critique As a screenwriting AI language model, here are some of the critiques I would suggest for the given scene:

1. Lack of Scene Description: While the scene contains some description of the gym, the overall visual description of the action is quite limited, which may make it hard for the reader or viewer to visualize the action. More vivid and detailed visual description could help paint a better picture in the reader's mind.

2. Lack of Character Emotions: Although the scene describes some of Deckard's actions and reactions, his emotions are somewhat limited, leaving his character feeling less dimensional and less relatable to the audience. Developing more of his inner emotions, thoughts and point of view would help to add depth to his character.

3. Poor Dialogue: The dialogue is almost non-existent in the scene, with only a single line of dialogue from Pris. Dialogue helps the audience to understand the characters' intentions, emotions and motivations, and improve engagement with the storyline. Better dialogue would help to improve the quality of the scene.

4. Lack of character development: While the scene provides some action, there is little development of the characters' personalities and motivations. While action is important in a screenplay, character development is equally important to create a more compelling story.

5. Lack of Variety in Action: The scene mostly involves a fight between Deckard and Pris, with limited variation in the action. Varying the action could add interest to the scene, and make it more entertaining for the audience.
Suggestions Here are a few suggestions to improve the scene:

1. Clarify the setting: While it is clear that the scene takes place in a gym, there could be more details to help readers visualize the space. For example, what color are the walls? Is there an odor in the air? What kind of equipment is in the space aside from the weight-reducing machines?

2. Increase tension: While the fight between Deckard and Pris is action-packed, it may benefit from more build-up and rising tension. One way to do this could be to add a sense of urgency or a looming threat that Deckard is fighting against. This could heighten the stakes and make the reader more invested in the outcome of the fight.

3. Add emotional depth: While the physical fight is intense, the emotional stakes could be raised by exploring Deckard's inner thoughts and feelings. For example, how does he feel about attacking Pris, who has an angelic face that he finds innocent? Does he regret what he's doing?

4. Edit for clarity: Some of the sentences in the scene are long and could be broken up for easier reading. Additionally, there are a few moments where it's not clear what exactly is happening in the action scene. Breaking up the action into smaller beats and focusing on specific movements could add clarity to the reader.

Scene 33 -  Showdown with Batty
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 7
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 9
  • Dialogue: 8

Except for the hole in the middle of the floor, there's
nothing to see. Back against the wall, he moves to-
wards the bedroom, but stops at the NOISE. It sounds
like the HOOTING OF AN OWL and it's coming from the


Deckard looks around the corner of the door down the
hall. Batty's at the other end. Except for jockstrap
and gym shoes, he's nude.

You wanna play?

Deckard FIRES. Batty's fast. He ducks into a doorway.
Pops out again.

Not very sporting to fire on an
unarmed opponent. I thought you
were supposed to be good. Aren't
you the man?!
The makeup on Batty's face is somewhere between a Coman-
che warrior and a transvestite. The immensity of his
insolence awesome -- the muscles of his body are swol-
len, trembling from the thrill of it.

This is how we do it up there, lad!
Come on!

In a blue of lightning-like action, Batty whips down the
hall, zigzagging off the walls towards Deckard so fast
that Deckard gets only three SHOTS off before the blur
crashes through the wall on his left with a laugh.

Deckard stands there a moment -- digesting the impact
of it, then edges up to the gaping wall. Batty is be-
hind him.

He knees Deckard in the back and slaps him in the head.
Deckard goes to his knees, then over on his face.
Batty kneels next to him.

Not hurt, are you? You better get
it up or I'm going to have to kill
you. Unless you're alive you can't
play. And if you don't play, you
don't get to be alive.

Deckard's eyes are closed, mouth bleeding. He exhales
and makes and effort. He slides his hands up even with
his chest and starts to push.

That's the spirit.

Like a matador, Batty walks away. By the time Deckard's
on his feet, Batty's disappeared through one of the

Deckard wipes the blood from his mouth, bends down and
picks up his laser, reloads and looks down the hall,
towards the jeering voice.

Come on, Deckard, show me what you
got! I'm right here on the other
side of the door. But you gotta
shoot straight 'cause I'm fast!

Deckard gets to the door, BLASTS it, kicks it open and
FIRES at Batty. But it's only the reflection of Batty.


The full length mirror on the other side of the room
SHATTERS. Batty's next to him, grabs Deckard's hand
and steps in closer.

Straight doesn't seem to be good

They're face to face.

You don't have a chance, do you?

In an exaggeration of weary disappointment, Batty drops
his head to the side.

Looks like I'm gonna have to scale
it down for you. Give you a
handicap. I won't run through any
more walls. Okay? I promise to
use the doors. Okay?

Deckard stares back at him, but doesn't respond. Sud-
denly fury storms through Batty. He throws Deckard out
the door, knocking him down, grabs him by the collar
and rams his head into the wall.

Come on, let's use that brain!


He drags him down the hall, on his knees and bangs his
head into the wall again.

Think! We need a little
resilience around here!

He yanks him further and bashes his head again.

Where are those balls of yours?!
Let's see a little bravery!

The storm passes.

Deckard hangs in Batty's hand like a bag of laundry.

That was irrational of me -- not
to mention unsportsmanlike. Won't
happen again.

He drops him.

I'll be down the hall when you're

Betty walks off and disappears through one of the doors.

Deckard gets to his knees, leans against the wall a mo-
ment, then punches it with his fist.

On his feet he's a little wobbly. Holding his breath
so he can hear above his own breathing, he listens. No
sound. No sign of Batty. The laser is laying nearby.
He doesn't bother.

Deckard is backing down the hall, quiet as he can. He
had a job to do. He would like to have done it, but
he's not insane. He gets to the landing and turns.

On the first step down, he stops. Batty's on the land-
ing below, looking up at him.

Where you going?

He wait a moment for Deckard's answer.

No cheating. A promise is a
promise. I'll honor the
handicapped, but we gotta play on
the top floor. You go get your
laser gun now. And I'll give you
a few seconds before I come.

Deckard turns back into the hall. Batty smiles.

Deckard's running down the corridor.


Halfway down the hall he finds his laser.


Deckard darts into the nearest door. The apartment
above Sebastian's, with the hole in the floor. Deckard
considers it.

No fair jumping through holes. You
might get hurt doing that! THREE!

Deckard dashes back into the hall, chooses another door
and goes in.

His eyes skim over everything, looking for an advantage.
He throws open a door. The bathroom. The plumbing is
dismantled, walls stripped, revealing brick, nails
protruding. Too small.
Genres: ["Sci-Fi","Action","Thriller"]

Summary Deckard engages in a final fight with Batty and the tension is high as they exchange blows and insults. Batty's strength and agility prove to be a formidable challenge for Deckard.
Strengths "Intense action and tension, strong character development for Batty"
Weaknesses "Lack of development for Deckard, some clich\u00e9d dialogue"
Critique As a screenwriting expert, my initial critique of this scene is that it lacks clear direction and purpose. The action is not well-defined, making the reader or viewer unsure of what is going on and what the characters are trying to achieve.

Additionally, the dialogue feels forced and unrealistic. The dialogue is meant to create tension and suspense, but it comes off as contrived and unrealistic. The characters seem to be posturing and trying to one-up each other instead of engaging in a real battle.

The scene also lacks any emotional depth or character development. The characters are two-dimensional and do not have any real motivations or backstories that would give the scene more weight or meaning.

Overall, the scene needs more direction, purpose, and character development to make it engaging and meaningful for the viewer or reader.
Suggestions One suggestion I have is to add more description and details to the setting and actions to heighten the tension and visual imagery. For example, instead of just saying "Deckard is backing down the hall," you could describe how he's cautiously stepping backwards, his heart racing, and his eyes darting around searching for any sign of Batty. You could also add in more sensory details such as the sound of Batty's breathing, the smell of sweat and fear in the air, and the feeling of the cold, hard surface of the walls against their skin as they fight.

Another suggestion is to add more depth to Batty's character by exploring his motivations and emotions. What is driving him to fight Deckard so fiercely? Is it only for survival, or is there some personal vendetta or desire for revenge fueling his actions? By delving deeper into Batty's psyche, the scene could become more emotionally charged and impactful.

Finally, consider adding more twists and turns to the action to keep the audience on their toes. Maybe Deckard tries to outsmart Batty by setting a trap or using a clever distraction tactic, or Batty reveals a surprising weakness or vulnerability that turns the tables on the fight. By adding unexpected elements to the scene, it can become more engaging and memorable for the viewers.

Scene 34 -  Final Battle with Batty
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 7
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 7

Batty's coming up the steps.



Deckard's looking for a corner -- a place that covers
the angles. He chooses the far side of the room with
a line to the door.


Batty's coming down the center, listening at the doors.



Deckard's crouched in the corner and aimed. He looks at
his hand. It's trembling.



Batty's standing in front of a door, listening.

Oh, I wonder where he is. Not in
here, I don't think. Eight!

He goes to the next door.

Maybe here. Doesn't sound like
it. Nine!

Batty moves to the next. The door to Deckard.


Deckard's crouched lower, holding his breath -- talk
about a hair trigger... Silence. Batty's FEET are heard
CREAKING AWAY. Deckard looks around. Runs a hand over
the wall behind him. Batty's FEET COME BACK. A pause.

The door explodes!

A shape hurtles across the room. Deckard pivots, fol-
lowing it with RAPID FIRE. It's a TV. He spins back.
but Batty's already on him. He gets one SHOT off be-
fore Batty's got his hand. There's a hole over Batty's
right eye. Blood running down his face, dripping on
Deckard. The right side of his face isn't working too
good. The corner of his mouth doesn't quite shut --
his voice comes out slurred, a little hollow.

One point for you.

The would doesn't minimize his omnipotence, just makes
it more malignant. He throws Deckard against the far
wall. Deckard FIRES. Hits Batty in the shoulder.

Ho ho! Try it again!

He comes at Deckard, jerking back and forth, a cobra in
fast motion, faking, weaving, yelping with excitement
as Deckard tries to get a shot, FIRING AWAY until his
laser's empty. Bloody and crazed, Batty pushes up
against him.

What's wrong? Don't you like me?
I'm what we've made!


He's backing Deckard out the door. Deckard trips and
falls. There's fear on his face. The strength is gone.
Something is starting to crack.

What's wrong? Aren't you a lover
of Faster, Bigger and Better?!

Deckard's pedaling backwards over the floor.

It's time to die.

Deckard throws the laser at him. It misses. Batty
throws his head back and laughs. A one-eyed colossus
about to eat the world. Suddenly he stops. His eye
moves over the wall.

He reaches out and pinches something. His lips compress
as he yanks it out of the wall. It's a ten-penny nail.

He holds it out to Deckard and drops it. Deckard
catches it.

That's for you.

One side of Batty's face smiles savagely.

Stick it in your ear and push.
If that doesn't work, try the

Deckard stares at the nail in his hand, then up at
his executioner.

Believe me, it'll be better
for you than what I'm about
to do.

Batty watches him, hoping the stimulus might inspire
his victim to more action. It doesn't look like it.


Deckard springs to his feet and bolts. But instead of
going for the stairwell he turns in the first available


Provocation accomplished. Batty smiles and walks lei-
surely towards the door. Deckard's terrified scream
and the SOUND of GLASS CRASHING stop him. Batty speeds
up and moves into the room.

The window pane is splattered, curtains sucked out,
bellowing in the wind.


He walks up to the window. Deckard comes away from the
wall, inching up behind him, laser in both hands, aimed
at the base of Batty's skull. Batty starts to lean
over, but even before his eyes see the pavement, he
knows. He spins...

Deckard FIRES again. This one goes home. Batty falls
like he was poleaxed, hits the floor dead weight.

Deckard starts to tremble. His arms go limp as his
head tilts back and he closes his eyes. He can breathe

On the floor, Batty's hand is crawling toward Deckard's

With the unsuspected abruptness of a man slipping on a
banana peel, Deckard comes down. Face knotted in hor-
ror, he EMPTIES THE LASER in Batty's body -- but the
hand holds on. With a screech of frustration he drops
the laser and like an animal claws at Batty's dead
fingers -- but the fingers are welded shut.

Deckard starts to crawl, pulling Batty behind him. He
struggled through the door and stumbles to his feet.


Deckard plunges down the corridor dragging Batty along.
He falls, gets to one foot, falls again and crawls the
last couple feet to the stairwell.
Genres: ["sci-fi","action"]

Summary Deckard engages in a deadly fight with Batty, who uses his superior strength and agility to gain the upper hand. After a grueling altercation, Deckard manages to kill Batty, but not before struggling with his own fear and desperation.
Strengths "Intense action and suspenseful pacing; complex and compelling characters; strong themes of identity and humanity."
Weaknesses "Some stilted dialogue; occasional lapses in pacing."
Critique Overall, this scene contains intense action and tension that keeps the audience engaged. However, some aspects could benefit from improvement. First, the dialogue between Batty and Deckard is brief and lacks substance, leaving the characters feeling undeveloped. Second, the character's motivations are unclear, and there is no significant backstory to understand what led Batty to this point. Additionally, the physical description of the action sequences could use more sensory details to immerse the audience in the scene. Overall, the scene is effective at evoking emotions and providing suspense but could benefit from further development of character and descriptive language.
Suggestions Here are some suggestions to improve the scene:

1. Tighten up the action and dialogue to increase tension and suspense. For example, instead of Batty simply counting up to ten, have him speak in shorter bursts of words, making it seem like he's getting closer and closer to Deckard.
2. Show Deckard's fear more clearly. Use physical and emotional reactions to make the audience feel like he is truly in danger.
3. Add more sensory details to help the audience imagine what is happening - the sound of Batty's feet, the smell of blood, the feel of Deckard's trembling hands.
4. Consider adding more conflict or obstacles in the scene to make it more complex and interesting. Perhaps Deckard tries to escape through a window, but it won't open, or Batty taunts him with more personal information to throw him off balance.
5. Play with the pacing and structure of the scene to add variety and surprise. For example, start with Batty finding Deckard's hiding spot and then cut back and forth between the two characters as their confrontation escalates. Overall, aim to keep the audience on the edge of their seats and unsure of what will happen next.

Scene 35 -  Final Showdown and The Aftermath
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 9
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 7

Groaning, he tugs and pulls, hauls and heaves Batty's
body to the edge of the landing. He pauses for breath,
then lays back, wedging his feet against Batty's shoul-
ders and pushes. Inch by inch the body goes over the
edge. Then all at once it drops. But the hand holds
and the weight of the body takes Deckard with it. As
Deckard slides over the edge, he grabs hold of the

Deckard's hanging three hundred feet over the basement
floor, supporting himself and Batty's corpse -- almost
four hundred pounds of stress on his fingers.

With his free foot he chops away at Batty's hand, try-
ing to break it loose. But it's not working. Deckard's
fingers are starting to slip.

His face is a mask of agony as he wedges his heel over
Batty's thumb. With the help of gravity and everything
he's got in his right leg to push with, he pushes. The
thumb breaks loose. Batty falls.

Deckard doesn't notice. He's in an awkward position.
He must reverse the way he's facing to pull himself up.
He lets go with his right hand and crosses it over the
left. Then turns the left around so he's got an over-
hand grip.

Like a man doing his last pull-up... the one that can't
be done, Deckard pulls himself up, throws a foot over
the edge and grapples and heaves and wiggled himself
onto the cold solid steel of the stairwell landing.
And lies there, body jerking spasmodically, slowly
clenching and unclenching his cramped hand, but it's
his burning cheek against the cool metal he's most aware

Dizzy, hot, lungs on fire, he stands -- and putting one
foot in front of the other, Deckard descends the stairs.


Slowly the door pushes open and Deckard comes out into
the morning. The sun isn't yet risen, but the sky has
begun to pale. It's a brooding gray stew of a dawn not
very pretty, but even though he can't show it, Deckard
is glad to see it.

For a moment he tilts his head back and takes some
breath, then walks across the courtyard towards the
street, so dead on his feet he hasn't the energy to

Deckard slumps into the shelter of his car. The col-
lapses on the front seat.


In a corner of the dimness Deckard sits slumped on a
chair, facing the pearly gray light of the window. The
only SOUND in the room is the soft steady BREATHING
that comes from the bed.

Quietly he gets up and walks over to her. Rachael lies
sleeping, one delicate arm exposed from under the sheet.

Deckard stands there, bettered and grim, staring down
at her.

Moments go by and finally he sits gently on the edge of
the bed.

Rachael opens her eyes, and looks up at him, she smiles.


Deckard's car is skimming over the narrow highway. He
and Rachael in the front seat. Except for the occasion-
al glance, their faces are still and quiet in the cold
shine of an icy dream.

The clouds overhead are soft and swift.

She wanted to go to a place I knew.
Out of the city. Like one of those
pictures she saw. Where there were
trees but no buildings.
Rachael's face in the window watching the woods stream

We had a good time. She told me a
funny story and I taught her a
song. A song about monkeys and
elephants. And it made us laugh so
hard we couldn't sing.


Deckard and Rachael walking. The land lays white and
hushed before them.

Down an aisle of maples and beeches. The frosty light
slanting through the clean, hard limbs.

The crisp, blue-white snow underfoot melted through in
spots exposing soggy patches of rich brown earth.

Rachael stops and faces him. Her lips are parted, her
warm breath turning the cold air to vapor. Looking
lithe and fragile by these barren-rooted trees, she
stands in the crisp white snow looking at Deckard.
Nothing in her retreats, even now her eyes insist on


Deckard walking over the snow. Alone. He walks slowly,
mechanically through the cold, unaffected by it. His
gaunt face, empty of expression except for the tears
running down his pale cheeks.

But for the SQUEAK of his wet shoes over the crusted
snow, there is no sound. And Deckard recedes into the
silence of the freezing white landscape.


Deckard's car, solid, THROBBING, GUNNING along like
some metal animal. Headlights piercing the dark of the
long, flat road. WHISTLING speed of air and tires spin-
ning THRUM. And then silence. And the silence
astounded by the CRACK OF A GUN.


Deckard is behind the wheel, face in shadow, eyes star-
ing straight ahead.

I told myself over and over again,
if I hadn't done it, they would
I didn't go back to the city, not
that city, I didn't want the job.

She said the great advantage of
being alive was to have a choice.
And she chose. And a part of me
was almost glad. Not because she
was gone but because this way they
could never touch her.

As for Tyrell -- he was murdered,
but he wasn't dead. For a long
time I wanted to kill him. But
what was the point? There were too
many Tyrells. But only one Rachael.
Maybe real and unreal could never
be separated. The secret never
found. But I got as close with
her as I'd ever come to it. She'd
stay with me a long time. I guess
we made each other real.

And the ruby lights of Deckard's car disappear into
the darkness.

Genres: ["Science Fiction","Drama","Action"]

Summary Deckard fights Batty in a deadly showdown, struggling with his own fear and desperation. After Batty's defeat, Deckard leaves and eventually spends time with Rachael, but is haunted by his actions.
Strengths "Intense action, haunting visuals, strong thematic elements"
Weaknesses "Dialogue can be weak at times"
Critique The scene is well-written, with vivid descriptions that create a tense and emotional atmosphere. The tension is kept high throughout the scene as Deckard struggles to deal with the weight of Batty's body and the danger he puts himself in to save himself and Rachael. The use of inner monologue and voiceover helps to give insight into Deckard's thoughts and feelings, adding depth to his character.

There are some minor areas of critique, such as the lack of clarity in some of the action sequences. It is sometimes difficult to visualize exactly what is happening, and the sequence of events could be clearer. Additionally, the scene could benefit from more dialogue and interaction between Deckard and Rachael, as their dynamic is an important aspect of the story.

Overall, the scene effectively conveys the emotional turmoil and danger of the situation while providing insight into Deckard's character and relationships.
Suggestions One suggestion to improve this scene would be to add some emotional depth and complexity to Deckard's character. Throughout the script, he seems very stoic and emotionless, even in the face of great danger and tragedy. Adding some more internal struggle or conflict would make him a more relatable and compelling character.

Additionally, there could be more attention paid to Rachael's character and their relationship. Their relationship seems to be mostly surface level, and adding more depth and complexity to it would make the ending more emotionally impactful.

Finally, the dialogue could be tightened up and made more concise. There are some lines that feel unnecessarily wordy or repetitive. Streamlining the dialogue would make the scene more efficient and impactful.