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Scene 1 -  A Night of Urgency
1 EXT. APARTMENT BLOCK - ROME - NIGHT 1

A large, modern apartment block in a modest part of the city.
The streets are quiet. Everyone sleeps.

2 INT. APARTMENT - ROME - NIGHT 2

CLOSE on a WINDOW PANE, small, leaded. We HOLD on the glass,
nothing but black night outside, not sure what we’re supposed
to be looking at.

Then, with a sharp ping, the pane cracks.

ON A SLEEPING MAN, his back to us. Woken by the sound, the
man raises his head from the pillow, stares at the cracked
pane.

Silence.

The sudden jangle of a phone in the room. The man turns his
head to stare at the phone.

3 EXT. TUNNEL NEAR VATICAN - ROME - NIGHT 3

CLOSE - PUSHING the MAN as he walks quickly through a tunnel,
his sleep-whorled hair standing in undignified tufts from the
back of his head. A lone car passes.

3A EXT. STREET NEAR VATICAN - ROME - NIGHT 3A

The MAN continues to rush through the empty streets. The only
sound is his heavy breathing and footsteps. Ahe ad of him a
blue light pulses in SOFT FOCUS against the vague bulk of St
Peter’s.

3B I/E. SHOP - STREET NEAR VATICAN - NIGHT 3B

Outside on the street the MAN passes a SHOP WINDOW and for a
moment we hold on the display - rows of PLASTIC PIETÀS.

4 OMITTED 4


4A OMITTED 4A
CONCLAVE by Peter Straughan - Pink Revisions. (27.01.2023) 2.

5 OMITTED 5


6 INT. CASA SANTA MARTA - LIFT PAPAL CORRIDOR - NIGHT 6

In the lift the MAN - CARDINAL LAWRENCE - stares down at his
hand and realises he is clutching his red zucchetto. We are
still on his back as he smoothes down his hair and puts it on
his head. Then he turns to the mirror and we see his face for
the first time: careworn, anonymous. An administrator.

Lawrence glances at his ashen reflection in the mirrored
walls, looks away. The elevator arrives. Lawrence raises his
chin, prepares his public face. The doors slide open to
reveal a solid wall of MEN IN BLACK SUITS.

7 INT. CASA SANTA MARTA - PAPAL CORRIDOR - NIGHT 7

The wall of SECURITY parts with difficulty and he makes his
way through them towards the Papal Suite. White marbled
floors. It could be a hotel, a clinic.

ARCHBISHOP WOZNIAK, built like a labourer, eyes, behind his
glasses, red from crying, comes to meet him.

ARCHBISHOP WOZNIAK
(Helplessly)
Eminence...

Lawrence takes his cheeks in his hand.

LAWRENCE
Janusz, your presence made him so
happy.

Ahead of them a BODYGUARD steps aside and Lawrence walks on
into...

8 INT. PAPAL SUITE - NIGHT 8

Lawrence stops, surprised by the throng of people crowd ed
into the little living room. He realises with a faint stab of
pain, that he must have been one of the last summoned. He
follows Wozniak through the open doors into...
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In a quiet Roman night, Cardinal Lawrence is abruptly awakened by a cracked window and a ringing phone. He rushes through empty streets towards the Vatican, his disheveled appearance reflecting his urgency. After smoothing his hair and donning his red zucchetto, he encounters a distressed Archbishop Wozniak in the Papal corridor, whom he comforts by acknowledging the happiness he brought to someone. The scene culminates as Lawrence enters a crowded Papal Suite, realizing he is among the last summoned, setting the stage for a significant moment ahead.
Strengths
  • Effective atmosphere and tone setting
  • Intriguing introduction of characters
  • Smooth transitions between locations
Weaknesses
  • Minimal character development in this specific scene

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively sets up the atmosphere and introduces key characters while hinting at underlying tensions and conflicts. The pacing and tone are well-executed, drawing the audience in.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the scene, focusing on Cardinal Lawrence's arrival and the tense atmosphere surrounding him, is engaging and sets the stage for future developments.

Plot: 8.5

The plot is advanced through the introduction of key characters and the hint of conflicts to come. The scene effectively establishes the stakes and sets up future events.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh take on a familiar setting, blending elements of mystery and drama with a unique character perspective.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are introduced with depth and hints of complexity, especially Cardinal Lawrence and Archbishop Wozniak. Their interactions and emotions add layers to the scene.

Character Changes: 7

While there are subtle hints of character development, the scene primarily focuses on introducing the characters and setting up the plot.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to navigate a situation that disrupts his sleep and routine, leading to unexpected events that challenge his sense of control and security.

External Goal: 9

The protagonist's external goal is to respond to a sudden phone call and navigate through the empty streets of Rome to reach a specific location near the Vatican.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The scene introduces underlying conflicts and tensions, setting the stage for future confrontations and power struggles.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with obstacles and challenges that test the protagonist's resolve and decision-making.

High Stakes: 8

The scene establishes high stakes through the tense atmosphere, the presence of security, and the anticipation of a significant meeting.

Story Forward: 9

The scene effectively moves the story forward by introducing key characters, setting up conflicts, and hinting at future events.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected events that disrupt the protagonist's routine and lead to a series of mysterious encounters.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict revolves around the protagonist's sense of duty and responsibility as a Cardinal, juxtaposed with his personal emotions and vulnerabilities.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a sense of intrigue and concern, drawing the audience into the characters' emotions and hinting at the challenges they will face.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue is minimal but impactful, conveying the tension and emotions of the characters. It sets the tone for the scene and hints at underlying conflicts.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its atmospheric setting, mysterious events, and the protagonist's compelling journey through the night streets of Rome.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the protagonist's journey.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene adheres to the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings, descriptive action lines, and character interactions.

Structure: 9

The scene follows a structured progression, building tension and intrigue through a series of interconnected events leading to a climactic moment.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes a sense of urgency and tension right from the start, with the cracked window pane and the jangle of the phone serving as strong auditory cues. However, the initial focus on the window pane could be more impactful if it were tied to the character's emotional state or foreshadowing the events to come.
  • The transition from the quiet apartment to the bustling Vatican corridor is well-executed, but the pacing could be improved. The scene feels a bit rushed, especially when moving from the man's awakening to his hurried journey. More internal thoughts or sensory details could enhance the emotional weight of his urgency.
  • The introduction of Cardinal Lawrence is intriguing, but the description of him as 'careworn, anonymous' could be expanded to give the audience a clearer sense of his character. What specific traits or experiences have led him to this moment? A brief flashback or a thought could add depth.
  • The dialogue between Lawrence and Archbishop Wozniak is touching, but it could benefit from more subtext. What is Wozniak really feeling? Is there guilt, fear, or anger beneath his helplessness? Adding layers to their interaction could heighten the emotional stakes.
  • The visual imagery of the plastic Pietàs is a strong metaphor, but it could be more explicitly connected to Lawrence's internal conflict or the themes of the story. Why does this image resonate with him? A moment of reflection could deepen the audience's understanding of his character.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief internal monologue for Lawrence as he wakes up, reflecting on his state of mind or the significance of the call he is about to receive. This could help the audience connect with him on a deeper level.
  • Enhance the sensory details during Lawrence's rush to the Vatican. Describe the sounds, smells, and sights he encounters to create a more immersive experience for the audience.
  • Incorporate a moment of hesitation or doubt for Lawrence as he prepares to enter the Papal Suite. This could add tension and highlight the weight of the situation he is stepping into.
  • Explore the relationship dynamics between Lawrence and Wozniak further. Perhaps include a moment where Wozniak reveals a personal connection to the Pope, which could add emotional depth to their exchange.
  • Revisit the imagery of the plastic Pietàs and consider integrating it into Lawrence's thoughts or dialogue, making it a recurring motif that symbolizes his internal struggle or the broader themes of the story.



Scene 2 -  The Last Rites
9 INT. PAPAL BEDROOM - NIGHT 9

The room is almost shockingly plain - a chest of drawers,
nightstand, an anonymous bed that could be found in any
hotel. And lying on this bed, slightly propped up on pillows,
lies the dead Pope.
CONCLAVE by Peter Straughan - Pink Revisions. (27.01.2023) 3.


Kneeling around the bed are the three other senior cardinals
of the Catholic Church: ALDO BELLINI, JOSEPH TREMBLAY, JOSHUA
ADEYEMI.

The room is so small he has to step over the backs of their
legs to reach the head of the bed.

He stares down at the Pope, the expression of almost wry
amusement on the dead man’s face.

ADEYEMI
Subvenite, Sancti Dei...

Lawrence realises they have been waiting for him to b egin the
liturgy and hurriedly kneels, joints creaking. He glances
back at the sitting room beyond. Everyone is kneeling, head
bowed. He buries his face in his hands as the Nigerian
cardinal’s deep voice reverberates in the tiny room.

ADEYEMI (CONT’D)
... occurrite, Angeli Domini,
Suscipientes animam eius.
Offerentes eam in conspectu
Altissimi...

ALL CARDINALS
Suscipiat te Christus qui vocavit te
et in sinum Abrahae angeli deducant
te.

As the prayer continues Lawrence half-opens his eyes. His
gaze wanders around the scene before him, as if still trying
to comprehend what has happened...

...the folded spectacles on the bedside table, the scuffed
alarm clock beside them, the simple crucifix above the bed...

A heart-breaking detail: the wooden rim of the headboard is
cracked, the padded panel within, fraying...

Finally the familiar face, strangely naked without the
customary spectacles...

He realises Adeyemi has finished. The Cardinals recite the
chorus.

ALL CARDINALS (CONT’D)
Sicut erat in principio et nunc et
semper et in saecula saeculorum.
Amen.

For a few moments the room is completely still. Then...
CONCLAVE by Peter Straughan - Pink Revisions. (27.01.2023) 4.


TREMBLAY
He is with God.

The Canadian Tremblay, Carmerlengo or Chamberlain - silver
hair immaculately coiffed, the trim build of a retired
athlete - stretches out his arms as if in blessing. Two
ASSISTANTS hurry forward and help him up. Lawrence rises
creakily to his feet with the other Cardinals.

TREMBLAY (CONT’D)
Archbishop Wozniak.

Wozniak edges around the bed and, sweating with
embarrassment, struggles to pull a RING from the Pope’s hand.
Finally he works it free and presents it to Tremblay who
produces a pair of shears from a silver box. Grimacing with
effort he cuts free the metal disc of St Peter from the ring.
The snap is audible in the silent room.

TREMBLAY (CONT’D)
Sede vacante. The throne of the
Holy See is vacant.
Genres: ["Drama","Mystery"]

Summary In a stark papal bedroom, three senior cardinals gather around the deceased Pope, participating in a solemn liturgy led by Joshua Adeyemi. As they pray, Lawrence reflects on the personal details of the room, underscoring the gravity of the moment. After the prayer, Joseph Tremblay declares the Pope is with God and announces the vacancy of the Holy See, while Wozniak struggles to remove the Pope's ring, which Tremblay ultimately cuts free, symbolizing the end of an era. The scene concludes with Tremblay's declaration of 'Sede vacante,' marking the official transition of power.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Detailed description
  • Character dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Limited external conflict
  • Slightly slow pacing

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys the gravity and emotional weight of the Pope's passing through the somber tone, respectful sentiment, and reflective atmosphere. The attention to detail in describing the room and the characters' actions enhances the overall impact.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of depicting the passing of the Pope in a small, plain room with senior cardinals performing rituals is compelling and adds depth to the narrative.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene revolves around the passing of the Pope and the declaration of 'Sede vacante,' moving the story forward while also providing insight into the characters' reactions and dynamics.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh perspective on the rituals and traditions of the Catholic Church, presenting them in a detailed and authentic manner.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters in the scene, particularly Lawrence, Tremblay, and Wozniak, are well-developed through their actions and dialogue, showcasing their roles and relationships within the hierarchy of the Catholic Church.

Character Changes: 7

The characters, particularly Lawrence, experience a subtle shift in their roles and responsibilities following the Pope's passing, setting the stage for potential character development in subsequent scenes.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist, Lawrence, seems to be grappling with the emotional weight of the Pope's death and the responsibilities that come with it. His internal goal may be to come to terms with the loss and find the strength to carry out his duties.

External Goal: 7

The external goal of the protagonist in this scene is to participate in the liturgy and rituals following the Pope's death, fulfilling his role as a cardinal.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 3

While there is a sense of internal conflict and tension among the characters due to the Pope's passing, the scene primarily focuses on reverence and ritual rather than overt conflict.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene comes from the characters' conflicting emotions and duties, adding depth to the narrative.

High Stakes: 7

The high stakes in the scene revolve around the transition of power within the Catholic Church following the Pope's passing, setting the stage for potential conflicts and power struggles.

Story Forward: 8

The scene significantly moves the story forward by establishing the vacancy of the Papal throne and hinting at the challenges and decisions that lie ahead for the characters.

Unpredictability: 7

The scene is somewhat predictable in terms of the ritualistic nature of the events, but there is unpredictability in the characters' emotional responses and interactions.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

There is a philosophical conflict between the characters' faith and their duty to the Church. This conflict challenges Lawrence's beliefs and values as he navigates the solemn ceremony.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes a strong emotional response from the audience through its poignant portrayal of the passing of the Pope and the characters' reactions to the loss.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue in the scene is solemn and ceremonial, reflecting the gravity of the situation and the characters' reverence for the Pope. It effectively conveys the rituals and emotions of the moment.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its emotional depth, detailed descriptions, and the tension of the characters' interactions.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and emotion, allowing for moments of reflection and contemplation.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting adheres to the expected format for a dramatic scene, enhancing the clarity and impact of the visuals and dialogue.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a structured format that effectively conveys the progression of the ritual and the characters' interactions.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes a somber and reverent atmosphere, which is appropriate given the context of a deceased Pope. The use of simple, stark visuals in the description of the room enhances the gravity of the moment, contrasting the plainness of the setting with the significance of the event.
  • The dialogue is poignant and reflective of the characters' emotional states. Adeyemi's prayer sets a solemn tone, and the collective response from the cardinals reinforces their unity in mourning. However, the scene could benefit from more individual character reactions to the Pope's death, which would deepen the emotional impact and provide insight into their personalities.
  • The physical actions of the characters, such as Lawrence kneeling and the struggle of Wozniak to remove the Pope's ring, are well-detailed and add to the tension of the moment. However, the scene could explore more internal conflict within Lawrence as he grapples with the weight of the situation, which would enhance his character development.
  • The description of the Pope's belongings, particularly the cracked headboard and the spectacles, serves as a powerful visual metaphor for the fragility of life and the weight of leadership. This detail is effective, but it could be expanded upon to evoke a stronger emotional response from the audience.
  • The transition from the prayer to Tremblay's declaration that the Pope is with God feels slightly abrupt. A moment of silence or reflection could enhance the emotional weight of this transition, allowing the audience to fully absorb the gravity of the situation before moving on to the next action.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding brief internal monologues or thoughts from Lawrence to provide insight into his emotional state and the burden he feels as he enters this pivotal moment.
  • Expand on the individual reactions of the cardinals during the prayer and after Tremblay's declaration. This could include subtle gestures or expressions that reveal their personal connections to the Pope and their feelings about the vacancy of the Holy See.
  • Incorporate a moment of silence or a shared glance among the cardinals after the prayer to emphasize the weight of the moment and allow the audience to feel the collective grief before moving on to the next action.
  • Enhance the visual descriptions of the Pope's belongings to evoke a stronger emotional response. For example, consider describing the spectacles in more detail, perhaps reflecting on their significance in the Pope's life or how they symbolize his vision for the Church.
  • Consider using more varied sentence structures in the dialogue to create a more dynamic rhythm, which can help maintain the audience's engagement during the somber tone of the scene.



Scene 3 -  Reflections in the Papal Suite
10 INT. PAPAL SUITE - NIGHT 10

Groups of dignitaries stand in whispered conference. Lawrence
gingerly works his way through the throng to a lone figure
standing by the desk: the lean, ascetic frame of his friend,
Cardinal Bellini, Secretary of State.

LAWRENCE
(Joining him)
Aldo...

Bellini is staring down at a little plastic travel CHESS SET
on the desk - almost the only personal item in the bland
room. He brushes the pieces, grouped mid-game, with a finger.

BELLINI
Do you think anyone would m ind if I
took this, Thomas? As a keepsake?

LAWRENCE
Of course. Take it. He would have
wanted you to have it.

BELLINI
We used to play quite often at the
end of the day. He said it helped
him relax.

LAWRENCE
Who won?
CONCLAVE by Peter Straughan - Pink Revisions. (27.01.2023) 5.


BELLINI
Oh, he did. Always eight moves
ahead.

His eyes suddenly fill with tears. Moved, Lawrence takes his
arm.

LAWRENCE
Ah, Aldo, I’m so sorry. What
happened, do you know?

BELLINI
They say heart attack. There had
been warnings.

Lawrence blinks in surprise.

LAWRENCE
I hadn’t heard that.

BELLINI
He didn’t want anyone to know. He
thought if word got out they would
start spreading rumours he was
going to resig n.

Lawrence is trying not to show his hurt at being excluded.
Bellini mistakes his silence for puzzlement.

BELLINI (CONT’D)
(Quietly)
The Curia.

Lawrence nods, rouses himself to action. Tremblay, across the
room, is watching.

LAWRENCE
We’ll have to be careful what we
say to the media about his
condition.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary In the Papal Suite at night, Cardinal Bellini reminisces about his friendship with the deceased Pope while fixated on a travel chess set. As he expresses his grief and reveals the Pope's secret heart condition, Lawrence offers comfort and emphasizes the importance of discretion regarding the media's portrayal of the Pope's death. The scene is marked by somber reflections and emotional connections, symbolized by the chess set.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth of characters
  • Subtle tension and intrigue
  • Rich dialogue and character development
Weaknesses
  • Limited action
  • Reliance on dialogue for exposition

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys the emotional depth of the characters, introduces subtle tension through the mention of the Curia's influence, and sets the stage for the upcoming conclave. The dialogue is poignant and reveals layers of complexity within the relationships.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of using a simple chess set to explore the personal connection between characters and hint at larger political machinations is innovative and engaging. It adds layers of complexity to the scene and sets up intriguing possibilities for the plot.

Plot: 8

The plot is advanced through the revelation of the Pope's cause of death, the mention of the Curia's influence, and the preparation for the conclave. The scene sets up key conflicts and establishes the stakes for the upcoming events.

Originality: 9

The scene demonstrates a high level of originality through its exploration of power dynamics and moral ambiguity within a religious institution. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds depth and complexity to the narrative, offering a fresh perspective on familiar themes.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters of Lawrence and Bellini are richly developed, with their emotional vulnerabilities and shared history adding depth to their interactions. The scene sets up potential character arcs and establishes their motivations and relationships.

Character Changes: 8

Both Lawrence and Bellini undergo subtle emotional changes in the scene, revealing their vulnerabilities and deepening their relationship. The scene sets up potential character growth and challenges for the future.

Internal Goal: 9

Lawrence's internal goal in this scene is to console and support his friend, Cardinal Bellini, who is grieving the loss of a mutual friend. This reflects Lawrence's deeper need for connection and empathy, as well as his fear of being excluded or misunderstood.

External Goal: 8

Lawrence's external goal in this scene is to navigate the delicate political situation surrounding the death of their mutual friend and to strategize their response to the media. This reflects the immediate challenges they are facing in maintaining control and authority within the Vatican hierarchy.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

While there is underlying tension and political intrigue hinted at in the scene, the conflict is more emotional and interpersonal in nature. The scene sets up potential conflicts for the future, particularly within the Curia.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting values and motivations driving the characters' actions. The audience is left uncertain about the characters' true intentions and the outcome of their decisions, adding complexity and depth to the narrative.

High Stakes: 7

While the stakes are not overtly high in this scene, the implications of the Pope's death and the power struggles within the Curia hint at the potential for significant consequences in the future. The scene sets up the stakes for the upcoming conclave.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by revealing key information about the Pope's death, the political tensions within the Vatican, and the preparations for the conclave. It sets up future conflicts and establishes the stakes for the upcoming events.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the shifting power dynamics and moral dilemmas faced by the characters. The audience is kept on edge by the characters' hidden agendas and conflicting motivations, adding suspense and intrigue to the narrative.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the tension between transparency and secrecy within the Vatican's power structure. Bellini's desire to keep the cause of their friend's death hidden reflects a belief in maintaining control and avoiding scandal, while Lawrence's concern for honesty and integrity challenges this value system.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, particularly in the interactions between Lawrence and Bellini. The vulnerability and sadness of the characters are palpable, drawing the audience into their personal struggles and relationships.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is poignant and reveals the emotional depth of the characters, as well as hinting at the political tensions within the Vatican. It effectively conveys the complex relationships and motivations at play.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its emotional depth, nuanced character interactions, and subtle tension. The audience is drawn into the intimate and complex relationships between the characters, creating a sense of intrigue and empathy.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by balancing moments of emotional intensity with quiet reflection. The rhythm of the dialogue and character interactions builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the unfolding drama.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene adheres to the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting. The visual descriptions and character actions are effectively conveyed through concise and evocative language.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with a clear establishment of setting, character dynamics, and conflict. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the scene's effectiveness by building tension and emotional depth.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes an emotional connection between Lawrence and Bellini, showcasing their friendship and shared history with the deceased Pope. This adds depth to their characters and highlights the personal stakes involved in the Pope's death.
  • The use of the chess set as a symbol of their relationship with the Pope is poignant. It serves as a tangible reminder of their interactions and the Pope's personality, which enriches the narrative.
  • The dialogue flows naturally, with Bellini's reminiscences providing insight into the Pope's character while also revealing the emotional weight of his passing. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtext to enhance the tension surrounding the Pope's death and the implications for the Church.
  • Lawrence's reaction to Bellini's revelation about the heart attack is understated, which may not fully convey the shock and betrayal he feels at being kept in the dark. This moment could be more impactful with a stronger emotional response.
  • The pacing of the scene is generally good, but it could be tightened to maintain the urgency of the situation. The transition from Bellini's nostalgia to the discussion of the Pope's health feels slightly abrupt and could be smoothed out.
  • The scene's visual elements, such as the chess set and the blandness of the room, effectively reflect the somber mood. However, incorporating more sensory details could enhance the atmosphere, such as the sounds of whispered conversations or the weight of the silence in the room.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more subtext to the dialogue to deepen the emotional stakes and tension. For example, Lawrence could express a hint of frustration or sadness about being excluded from the Pope's health issues.
  • Enhance Lawrence's emotional reaction to the news of the heart attack. A brief moment of silence or a physical gesture could convey his shock and sense of betrayal more effectively.
  • Smooth the transition between Bellini's nostalgia and the discussion of the Pope's health by incorporating a brief pause or a reflective comment from Lawrence that acknowledges the gravity of the situation.
  • Incorporate more sensory details to enrich the scene's atmosphere. Describing the sounds, smells, or even the temperature of the room could help immerse the audience in the moment.
  • Consider using the chess set as a metaphor for the political maneuvering within the Church. This could be subtly woven into the dialogue or visual elements to foreshadow the upcoming conflicts.



Scene 4 -  The Weight of Responsibility
10A INT. PAPAL SUITE - SITTING ROOM - NIGHT 10A

Lawrence and Bellini find Wozniak sitting alone in the dark.
Lawren ce addresses him gently.

LAWRENCE
Janusz, I know this is hard for
you, but we’ll need to prepare a
detailed statement. Who discovered
the Holy Father’s body?
CONCLAVE by Peter Straughan - Pink Revisions. (27.01.2023) 6.


ARCHBISHOP WOZNIAK
I did, Your Eminence.

LAWRENCE
Well, thank God, that’s something.
What did you do?

ARCHBISHOP WOZNIAK
I called the Holy Father’s doctor.
He always spent the night in the
room next door. But... it was too
late.

LAWRENCE
What time was this?

ARCHBISHOP WOZNIAK
Around eleven thirty, Eminence.
(Off Thomas' surprise)
I would have called you sooner,
but...

Wozniak shrugs helplessly. Tremblay arriv es just in time at
the door.

TREMBLAY
Thomas, I’m so sorry. I know His
Holiness had no closer colleagues
than you and Aldo... But I asked
Janusz to hold off calling you.
I... I wanted to ascertain all the
facts.

LAWRENCE
Well, I’m sure you acted for the
best.

TREMBLAY
(walking towards them)
The way rumours can spread. One and
a quarter billion souls watching.

He draws a document from his cassock. Belli ni sits down next
to Wozniak.

TREMBLAY (CONT’D)
I’ve prepared a time-line of His
Holiness’ last day.

Lawrence examines it. He suddenly feels the bulk of Adeyemi,
Cardinal Major Penitentiary or confessor-in-chief - at his
shoulder. Tremblay passes them more sheets.
CONCLAVE by Peter Straughan - Pink Revisions. (27.01.2023) 7.


TREMBLAY (CONT’D)
The Holy Father’s most recent
medical records. He had an
angiogram last month.

Lawrence is holding the x-ray to the light, staring in
silence, struck that he is looking at the very heart of the
man he revered.

TREMBLAY (CONT’D)
(Pointing)
You can see the evidence of a
blockage...just here.

Lawrence and Bellini share a look - a flinch of distress.

LAWRENCE
Joe, perhaps...perhaps we could
release the data, but not the
photograph? It feels too...too....

Tremblay inclines his head sympathetically.

TREMBLAY
I know, Thomas, I know. But there
will have to be an autopsy.

Adeyemi is still scanning the time-line.

ADEYEMI
The ti me before Vespers? What was
he doing then?

TREMBLAY
Routine meetings as far as I
understand it.

ADEYEMI
Who was the last to have a
scheduled meeting with him?

TREMBLAY
I believe that may have been me. I
saw him at four. Is that right
Janusz? Was I the last?

ARCHBISHOP WOZNIAK
You were, Eminence.

ADEYEMI
Put in all the meetings he had that
day. It will show how hard he was
working, right up to the end.
CONCLAVE by Peter Straughan - Pink Revisions. (27.01.2023) 8.


TREMBLAY
That might look as if we were
placing a huge burden on a sick
man.

ADEYEMI
The Papacy is a huge burden.
Especially for an older man.

Silence. A slight tension. Adeyemi is the youngest here. The
contest has begun. Lawrence breaks the awkward silence.

LAWRENCE
Has anyone telephoned Cardinal
Tedesco?

Bellini straightens and for the first time we see that
beneath the grief there is a well of anger.

LAWRENCE (CONT’D)
As a courtesy.

BELLINI
Courtesy? What has he ever done to
deserve courtesy? If anyone can be
said to have killed the Holy
Father, he did!

LAWRENCE
I have to ring him, Aldo.
Genres: ["Drama","Mystery"]

Summary In the dimly lit Papal Suite, Lawrence and Bellini confront Archbishop Wozniak, who reveals he found the Holy Father dead and called for help too late. Tensions escalate as Tremblay presents a timeline of the Holy Father's last day, highlighting a heart blockage. Adeyemi questions the implications of the Holy Father's final meetings, while Bellini directs his anger towards Cardinal Tedesco, blaming him for the tragedy. Despite the rising conflict, Lawrence insists on contacting Tedesco, underscoring the unresolved tensions and grief in the room.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Tension-filled dialogue
  • Revealing character interactions
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue may feel slightly melodramatic

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys the somber tone and tense atmosphere following the Pope's death. It introduces conflicts, reveals secrets, and sets the stage for further developments.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring the aftermath of the Pope's death, including tensions, secrets, and the need for communication, is compelling and well-executed.

Plot: 8.5

The plot advances significantly in this scene, introducing conflicts, revealing secrets, and setting up future events. It adds depth to the story and engages the audience.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh perspective on the aftermath of a religious leader's death, focusing on the internal and external challenges faced by the characters. The dialogue feels authentic and reflects the complex emotions and power dynamics at play.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-developed, each with their own emotions, motivations, and conflicts. Their interactions drive the scene forward and add layers to the narrative.

Character Changes: 8

Several characters undergo changes in this scene, revealing new layers of their personalities, motivations, and relationships. These changes drive the narrative forward.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to navigate the emotional and political aftermath of the Holy Father's death while maintaining his composure and authority. This reflects his deeper need for control and stability in a time of crisis.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to handle the logistics and investigation surrounding the Holy Father's death, ensuring a smooth transition of power and maintaining the reputation of the Church.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The scene is filled with internal and external conflicts, including tensions between characters, secrets, and the weight of responsibilities. These conflicts drive the narrative forward.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting perspectives and power struggles among the characters. The audience is left uncertain about the outcome and the characters' motivations.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in this scene, as the characters grapple with the death of the Pope, tensions between them, and the need for careful communication. The outcome will have significant consequences.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by introducing conflicts, revealing secrets, and setting up future events. It adds depth to the narrative and engages the audience.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the shifting power dynamics and conflicting perspectives among the characters. The audience is kept on edge as they navigate the complex emotions and motivations at play.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the burden of leadership and the moral responsibilities that come with it. Adeyemi's perspective challenges the protagonist's beliefs about the Papacy and the expectations placed on its leaders.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene evokes strong emotions, including sadness, anger, and concern, as the characters grapple with the aftermath of the Pope's death. It engages the audience on an emotional level.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is impactful, revealing emotions, tensions, and conflicts among the characters. It effectively conveys the mood of the scene and advances the plot.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the high stakes, emotional conflicts, and power struggles between the characters. The dialogue and interactions keep the audience invested in the unfolding drama.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and revealing key information at a steady pace. The rhythm of the dialogue and interactions keeps the audience engaged and invested in the unfolding drama.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and easy to follow, with proper scene headings and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with a clear setup of the conflict and the introduction of key characters and plot points.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the somber atmosphere following the Pope's death, with the characters' dialogue reflecting their emotional states. However, the pacing feels uneven at times, particularly with the introduction of Tremblay and Adeyemi, which could benefit from a smoother transition to maintain the tension.
  • The dialogue is generally strong, but some lines could be tightened for clarity and impact. For instance, Wozniak's lines could be more concise to enhance the urgency of the situation. Additionally, the emotional weight of Bellini's anger towards Tedesco could be more vividly expressed through his body language or internal thoughts.
  • The scene introduces multiple characters and their relationships, but it may overwhelm the audience with information. A clearer focus on Lawrence's perspective could help ground the scene and allow viewers to connect more deeply with his emotional journey.
  • The use of medical records and the discussion of the Pope's health adds a layer of complexity, but it risks becoming overly technical. Simplifying this aspect or integrating it more organically into the dialogue could enhance the emotional resonance without losing the necessary details.
  • The conflict regarding Tedesco's involvement in the Pope's death is compelling, but it could be developed further. Exploring the motivations behind Bellini's anger and Lawrence's need for courtesy could add depth to their characters and the overall narrative.
Suggestions
  • Consider streamlining the dialogue to enhance clarity and emotional impact, particularly in Wozniak's lines.
  • Focus on Lawrence's internal conflict and emotional state to provide a clearer perspective for the audience, allowing them to connect more deeply with his character.
  • Use body language and visual cues to convey the characters' emotions more vividly, particularly Bellini's anger and Wozniak's distress.
  • Integrate the medical details more organically into the dialogue to maintain emotional resonance while providing necessary information.
  • Expand on the conflict surrounding Tedesco's involvement in the Pope's death to add depth to the characters' motivations and the overall narrative.



Scene 5 -  The Weight of the Papacy
11 INT. PAPAL OFFICE - NIGHT 11

Lawrence st eps through the open door of the SMALL OFFICE and
dials the desk phone.

LAWRENCE LAWRENCE
(Italian, To Operator) (To Operator)
< The Patriarch’s Palace in Il Palazzo Patriarcale di
Venice, please. Cardinal Venezia, per favore. La linea
Tedesco’s private line. > privata del cardinale
Tedesco.

After a moment.

TEDESCO (O.S.)
(Over phone)
Tedesco.
CONCLAVE by Peter Straughan - Pink Revisions. (27.01.2023) 9.


LAWRENCE LAWRENCE
(Italian) Goffredo? Sono Lawrence.
< Goffredo? It’s Lawrence. Purtroppo devo comunicarvi
I’m afraid I have terrible una terribile notizia. Il
news. The Holy Father has Santo Padre è appena
just passed away.> deceduto.

Lawrence listens to the phone. Silence. The sound of
movement, a door closing?

LAWRENCE (CONT’D) LAWRENCE (CONT’D)
(Italian) Eminenza?
< Your Eminence? >

TEDESCO (O.S.) TEDESCO (O.S.)
(Beat, Italian) (Beat)
< Thank you, Lawrence. I Grazie, Lawrence. Pregherò
shall pray for his soul. > per la sua anima.

He hangs up. The others watch from the doorway.

LAWRENCE
He already knew.

Tremblay takes out what appears to be a small leather bound
prayer book - but turns out to be a mobile phone.

BELLINI
Of course he knew. This place is
full of his supporters. He probably
knew before we did.

TREMBLAY
(Checki ng his phone)
It’s trending.
(Off the stares of the
others)
The rumours that the Pope is dead
are trending.
(A further, smiling,
explanation)
On the internet. We should move
quickly or we’ll fall behind the
news cycle.

ADEYEMI
We should wait until daylight. The
dignity of the office requires...

BELLINI
For God’s sake, Joshua. When did
the Holy Father ever care about the
“dignity of the office?” Look at
h is rooms.
CONCLAVE by Peter Straughan - Pink Revisions. (27.01.2023) 10.


TREMBLAY
The body should be embalmed.
Remember Pius XII? Went off like a
firecracker in his coffin...

Lawrence jumps slightly as Adeyemi addresses him.

ADEYEMI
Well, Dean. The responsibility for
the Conclave falls upon you.

Lawrence looks up and finds the others staring at him. The
dawning realisation of what lies ahead.
Genres: ["Drama","Mystery","Thriller"]

Summary In a small papal office at night, Lawrence delivers the somber news of the Pope's death to Cardinal Tedesco, who is already aware of the situation. As Lawrence's colleagues gather, they debate the urgency of acting quickly versus maintaining dignity in light of the Pope's passing. Tensions rise as Tremblay advocates for immediate action while Adeyemi suggests waiting for daylight. Ultimately, Adeyemi places the responsibility for the upcoming Conclave on Lawrence, who realizes the heavy burden that lies ahead.
Strengths
  • Strong emotional impact
  • Tense atmosphere
  • Effective dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue may be overly expository

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys the somber and tense atmosphere surrounding the death of the Pope, with strong emotional and conflict-driven moments.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of revealing the Pope's death and the subsequent conflicts among the cardinals is engaging and drives the narrative forward effectively.

Plot: 8.5

The plot is advanced significantly in this scene through the revelation of the Pope's death and the conflicts that arise among the characters, setting up future developments.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh perspective on the Vatican hierarchy and the process of electing a new Pope, incorporating elements of social media and modern communication. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-developed, with distinct personalities and motivations that drive their actions and interactions in the scene.

Character Changes: 8

The characters undergo subtle changes in their relationships and dynamics as they react to the news of the Pope's death and the conflicts that arise.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to navigate the complex responsibilities and expectations placed upon him as the Dean in the wake of the Pope's death. This reflects his deeper need for guidance, leadership, and moral integrity.

External Goal: 7.5

The protagonist's external goal is to manage the situation surrounding the Pope's death and prepare for the upcoming Conclave. This reflects the immediate challenge of maintaining order and authority within the Vatican amidst rumors and external pressures.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The level of conflict is high in this scene, with tensions rising among the characters due to the revelation of the Pope's death and the handling of the news.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting viewpoints and hidden agendas among the characters. The uncertainty of how the characters will navigate the situation adds to the tension and drama.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in this scene as the characters grapple with the death of the Pope, the responsibility of handling the news, and the power struggles that ensue.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by revealing crucial information about the Pope's death, setting up conflicts, and foreshadowing future events.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the shifting power dynamics, conflicting viewpoints, and unexpected twists in the characters' actions. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of how the situation will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the clash between tradition and modernity, as seen in the characters' differing opinions on how to handle the Pope's death and the Conclave process. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs in the importance of upholding tradition while adapting to changing times.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking feelings of sadness, suspicion, and urgency in the audience as the characters grapple with the death of the Pope.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is impactful, conveying the emotions and tensions among the characters effectively. It drives the conflicts and reveals important information about the characters.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the high stakes, conflicting opinions, and the sense of urgency surrounding the Pope's death and the upcoming Conclave. The dialogue and character interactions keep the audience invested in the unfolding drama.

Pacing: 8.5

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, with a balance of dialogue, action, and character introspection. The rhythm of the scene keeps the audience engaged and invested in the unfolding events.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene adheres to the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings and dialogue formatting. The visual descriptions enhance the atmosphere and setting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, setting up the conflict and character dynamics effectively. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the tension and suspense of the situation.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the urgency and gravity of the situation following the Pope's death. The dialogue is concise and reflects the characters' emotional states, particularly Lawrence's shock and the others' varying reactions to the news.
  • The use of Italian adds authenticity to the scene, grounding it in its setting. However, the transition between English and Italian could be smoother for readers who may not be fluent in Italian. Providing translations or context for key phrases could enhance understanding.
  • The pacing of the scene is generally good, but it could benefit from more tension-building moments. For instance, after Lawrence delivers the news, a longer pause could heighten the emotional impact before the characters react.
  • The dialogue among the cardinals reveals their personalities and priorities, but it could be more distinct. Each character's voice should reflect their individual motivations and backgrounds more clearly to avoid blending into a single narrative voice.
  • The scene ends with a strong moment of realization for Lawrence, but it could be more visually impactful. Describing his physical reactions or the expressions of the other characters could enhance the emotional weight of the moment.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment of silence or reflection after Lawrence delivers the news to emphasize the gravity of the situation before the characters react.
  • Enhance character differentiation by giving each cardinal a unique way of expressing their emotions or opinions. This could be through specific phrases, gestures, or reactions that align with their established personalities.
  • Incorporate more visual descriptions to convey the atmosphere of the room and the characters' emotional states. For example, describe Lawrence's body language or the expressions of the other cardinals as they process the news.
  • To improve clarity for non-Italian speakers, consider including translations for key Italian phrases or using context clues to convey their meanings without losing the authenticity of the dialogue.
  • Explore the implications of the news further by having Lawrence reflect internally on the weight of the responsibility that now falls on him, perhaps through a brief internal monologue or a visual cue that signifies his realization.



Scene 6 -  The Final Farewell
12 INT. PAPAL SUITE - BEDROOM - NIGHT 12

Lawrence stands, watching WOZNIAK laying a t hin white VEIL
over the dead Pope’s face. He turns to the PRIESTS of the
Apostolic Camera, standing waiting.

LAWRENCE LAWRENCE
(Italian) Sigillate la stanza.
< Seal the room. >

13 TITLES BEGIN 13

The Pope’s body is zipped into a a semi-transparent white
body bag and heaved onto a gurney. Lawrence watches as it is
being wheeled out into the corridor.

The sealing of the suite begins. The door is locked. Red tap e
is fixed on the frame. Wozniak is looking on.

Lawrence stands in the lift. From his place at the bottom of
the gurney, he stares fixedly down at the feet of the Pope,
ghostly through the white plastic, curled like small
foetuses.

The elevator pings and the doors slide open...

The gurney with the dead Pope is wheeled through the
UNDERGROUND GARAGE, past a puddle of oil...a crushed
cigarette pack...

T he only sound is the faint squeal of the wheels, and, the
forbidden click of phone cameras...

The sealing of the door continues - the tape criss-crossing
backwards and forwards, as if this was a crime-scene...

Wax seals bearing the coat of arms of the Cardinal Camerlengo
fix the tape ends to the frame....
CONCLAVE by Peter Straughan - Pink Revisions. (27.01.2023) 11.


Outside the body is loaded into the waiting ambulance....

The final wax seal is put in place...

...as the ambulance drives off, the dead Pope in the body bag
inside.


FADE OUT

TITLE CARD: THREE WEEKS LATER. SUNDAY, 7TH NOVEMBER, EVE OF
CONCLAVE.

FADE IN

13A INT/EXT. CASA SANTA MARTA - FACADE - MORNING 13A

WORKMEN are fitting electronic SHUTTERS over the windo ws. The
whine of power tools as screws are tightened into place.

13B INT. CASA SANTA MARTA - BEDROOM - MORNING 13B

Inside the Casa a WORKMAN tests the closing of the shutters
with a remote control. It works.

13C INT. CASA SANTA MARTA - CORRIDOR - MORNING 13C

More Workmen emerge from the bedrooms, each trundling a dolly
loaded with the TELEVISIONS being removed from the rooms.
Genres: ["Drama","Mystery","Thriller"]

Summary In the somber atmosphere of the Papal Suite's bedroom, Lawrence oversees the preparation of the deceased Pope's body, as Wozniak gently lays a white veil over his face. The priests seal the room with red tape, creating a crime-scene-like environment. The Pope's body is placed in a semi-transparent body bag and wheeled out on a gurney, with Lawrence fixated on the ghostly feet visible through the plastic. The scene shifts to the underground garage where the body is loaded into an ambulance, and the final wax seal is affixed to the door. The ambulance departs, marking the end of the sealing process, followed by a title card indicating 'THREE WEEKS LATER.'
Strengths
  • Effective tone and atmosphere
  • Intriguing introduction of conflicts and mysteries
  • Strong execution of the sealing ritual
Weaknesses
  • Minimal dialogue may limit character development

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively sets a somber and tense tone, with a focus on the ritualistic sealing of the room. It introduces mysteries and conflicts that add depth to the narrative.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of sealing the room where the dead Pope lies adds depth to the narrative and sets the stage for further developments. It introduces intrigue and hints at underlying tensions.

Plot: 8.5

The plot is advanced significantly in this scene through the ritualistic sealing of the room and the introduction of conflicts and mysteries. It sets the stage for future events.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh perspective on the handling of a Pope's death, combining ancient rituals with modern technology. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters' reactions and interactions in the scene add depth to their personalities and hint at their roles within the Vatican hierarchy. The tensions and emotions are effectively portrayed.

Character Changes: 7

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the interactions and reactions of the characters hint at their personalities and roles within the Vatican hierarchy.

Internal Goal: 8

Lawrence's internal goal is to maintain order and secrecy in handling the Pope's death, reflecting his need for control and adherence to protocol.

External Goal: 7

Lawrence's external goal is to ensure the proper handling of the Pope's body and maintain the security of the situation, reflecting the immediate challenges he faces in a high-stakes environment.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The scene introduces underlying conflicts within the Vatican hierarchy, hinting at power struggles and tensions among the characters. The sealing of the room adds a sense of mystery and intrigue.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene, such as the need for secrecy and the challenges of handling the Pope's body, adds complexity and uncertainty to the protagonist's actions.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in this scene as the characters deal with the death of the Pope, the process of sealing the room, and the tensions within the Vatican hierarchy. The outcome will have significant consequences.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by setting the stage for future events, introducing conflicts and mysteries, and advancing the plot through the ritualistic sealing of the room.

Unpredictability: 7

The scene is unpredictable in its handling of the Pope's death and the secretive sealing of the room, keeping the audience on edge.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict lies in the balance between tradition and modernity, as seen in the use of wax seals alongside electronic shutters, challenging the protagonist's beliefs in the face of changing times.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene has a significant emotional impact due to its somber tone, reflective atmosphere, and the weight of the situation. It evokes feelings of sadness, concern, and seriousness.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue in the scene is minimal but impactful, conveying the seriousness and solemnity of the situation. It effectively conveys the characters' emotions and the gravity of the moment.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its suspenseful atmosphere, detailed descriptions, and the high-stakes nature of the situation.

Pacing: 8

The pacing effectively builds suspense and maintains the audience's interest throughout the scene, leading to a satisfying conclusion.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting adheres to the expected format for a screenplay, effectively conveying the visual and auditory elements of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a structured format that effectively builds tension and sets up the narrative for future events.


Critique
  • The scene effectively conveys the somber atmosphere surrounding the Pope's death, utilizing visual elements such as the thin white veil and the semi-transparent body bag to symbolize the fragility of life and the gravity of the moment. However, the emotional weight could be enhanced by incorporating more internal conflict or reflection from Lawrence, allowing the audience to connect more deeply with his character's feelings of loss and responsibility.
  • The dialogue is minimal, which suits the tone of the scene, but it may benefit from a few lines that express Lawrence's thoughts or feelings about the Pope's death. This could provide insight into his character and the weight of the situation he is facing, making the scene more impactful.
  • The transition from the sealing of the room to the ambulance loading could be smoother. The abrupt shift in focus from the internal sealing process to the external loading of the body might disorient the audience. A brief moment of reflection or a visual cue that connects these two actions could enhance the flow.
  • The use of sound is effective, particularly the faint squeal of the wheels and the click of phone cameras, which adds a layer of tension and modernity to the scene. However, the scene could benefit from more ambient sounds that reflect the gravity of the moment, such as distant murmurs or the echo of footsteps, to create a more immersive experience.
  • The visual imagery of the Pope's ghostly feet is striking and thought-provoking, but it may come across as overly metaphorical without further context. Providing a brief moment of Lawrence's internal reaction to this image could ground the metaphor and enhance its emotional resonance.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief internal monologue or reflection from Lawrence as he watches the Pope's body being prepared. This could provide insight into his emotional state and the weight of the responsibility he is about to shoulder.
  • Incorporate a moment where Lawrence interacts with Wozniak or the other priests, perhaps sharing a few words of comfort or acknowledgment of their shared loss. This could deepen the emotional connection between the characters and the audience.
  • Smooth the transition between the sealing of the room and the loading of the body into the ambulance by including a visual or auditory cue that links the two actions, such as a lingering shot of the sealed door before cutting to the ambulance.
  • Enhance the ambient sound design to include subtle background noises that reflect the somber atmosphere, such as distant voices or the sound of footsteps, to create a more immersive experience for the audience.
  • Consider providing a moment where Lawrence reacts to the sight of the Pope's feet in the body bag, allowing the audience to see his emotional response to this poignant image, which could enhance the scene's impact.



Scene 7 -  Chaos in the Chapel
14 INT. SISTINE CHAPEL - MORNING 14

A SPIRA L PATTERN...

Intricate and beautiful. A mosaic floor. As we watch a wide
red carpet is rolled across the frame, obscuring the mosaic.
An easy-lift rises in front of the last judgement.

CLOSE ON LAWRENCE'S FACE

...looking up. As we watch, a SHADOW falls over his face.

Above him, metal panels are being fitted over the high
windows, shutting out the daylight, obscuring the ceiling in
near gloom.

Lawrence stands in the chapel, watching the sealing of the
windows unhappily.
CONCLAVE by Peter Straughan - Pink Revisions. (27.01.2023) 12.


All around him there is teeming activity. Behind him WORKMEN
hurriedly finish laying the temporary wooden floor. At the
other end of the chapel carpet is being rolled over the wood,
followed by the thunk of a nail gun.

ARCHBISHOP MANDORFF, Master of Papal Liturgical Celebrations,
(60’s, German), stands beside him, clipboard in hand.

ARCHBISHOP MANDORFF
Security say they’d like to test
the electronic jammers one last
time, your Eminence.

LAWRENCE
Then they’d better be quick.
(Of the windows)
Is this really necessary, Willi?

ARCHBISHOP MANDORFF
Apparently so. Security say...
(reading, slightly
mystified)
...eavesdroppers can use lasers to
“read the vibrations on the glass?”

LAWRENCE
Let’s hope none of our brothers
suffer from claustrophobia. Who
knows how long we’ll have to be in
here.

Lawrence stares around him at the chaos.

LAWRENCE (CONT’D)
(shouting over the racket)
I assume we are going to finish in
time?

ARCHBISHOP MANDORFF
They will work through the night if
they have to. It will be fine,
Eminence. It always is. Italy, you
know.

Lawrence nods, pats the German’s arm.

LAWRENCE
Sorry to fuss.

He walks to one of the long tables along the length of the
chapel. On it Monsignor O’ Malley and some assistants are
setting up Bible, prayer book, pens and pencils, a ballot
paper and long list of names of the 107 cardinals eligible to
vote for the next Pope.
CONCLAVE by Peter Straughan - Pink Revisions. (27.01.2023) 13.


MONSIGNOR O'MALLEY, Secretary of the College of Cardinals,
(Irish, 40’s) joins them.

MONSIGNOR O'MALLEY
Well, Eminence, I’d say this is a
pretty fair vision of hell.

LAWRENCE
Don’t be blasphemous, Ray. Hell
arrives tomorrow when we bring in
the cardinals.

He examines the list of names.

LAWRENCE (CONT’D)
(Of a name)
How on earth does one pronounce
this? Salso?

ARCHBISHOP MANDORFF
Kahl-koh, Eminence. He’s Indian.

LAWR ENCE
Kahl-koh. Thank you Willi.

He sits, testing the cushion, wondering if it will offer
comfort for the elderly men who will soon be using them.

MONSIGNOR O'MALLEY
Archbishop Wozniak has asked if he
may have a word, Eminence?

Lawrence stands again, prods the cushion.

LAWRENCE
I don’t think that’s possible. The
cardinals will begin arriving in an
hour. What’s it about?

MONSIGNOR O'MALLEY
He didn’t say. (B eat). I wouldn’t
have mentioned it but he seemed
so...upset?

Lawrence frowns at him.

LAWRENCE
We’re going to be sequestered from
six o’clock. He should have come
earlier.

MONSIGNOR O'MALLEY
Yes, your Eminence. I’ll tell him.
CONCLAVE by Peter Straughan - Pink Revisions. (27.01.2023) 13A.


He starts to leave. Lawrence considers.
CONCLAVE by Peter Straughan - Pink Revisions. (27.01.2023) 14.


LAWRENCE
Ray? Tell him I’ll see him after
I’ve met the cardinals. The poor
fellow will be worrying about his
future.

O’Malley nods and leaves.

LAWRENCE (CONT’D)
(Wryly)
Getting puffed up with my own
importance, Willi.

He holds out a hand for Mandorff to help him stand.

LAWRENCE (CONT’D)
(Rising with a wince)
The Conclave will be over in a few
days and then no-one will be
interested in me.

A DRILL starts nearby, the sound deafening in the chapel.
Lawrence winces, feels a headache coming on.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary In the Sistine Chapel, Lawrence observes the frantic preparations for the upcoming papal conclave, where workmen install metal panels to block out light. Archbishop Mandorff updates him on security measures, while Monsignor O'Malley highlights the urgency of the situation, mentioning Archbishop Wozniak's desire to speak with Lawrence, who declines. Amidst the chaos, Lawrence reflects on the temporary nature of his role and expresses concern for the cardinals' comfort, all while maintaining a sense of dark humor. The scene culminates in Lawrence's discomfort as he winces at the noise of a drill, symbolizing the tension and disarray surrounding the conclave.
Strengths
  • Effective establishment of tone and atmosphere
  • Intriguing setup for the upcoming events
  • Authentic character interactions and concerns
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue may feel slightly exposition-heavy

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively sets the tone for the upcoming Conclave, showcasing the somber atmosphere and the high stakes involved. The dialogue and character interactions add depth to the narrative, building anticipation for the events to come.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of preparing for the Conclave after the Pope's death is engaging and sets the stage for significant developments in the story. The scene effectively introduces the central conflict and establishes the importance of the upcoming events.

Plot: 8.5

The plot is advanced through the preparations for the Conclave, setting up the central conflict and introducing key elements that will drive the narrative forward. The scene effectively builds anticipation for the events to come.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh perspective on the behind-the-scenes preparations for a papal election, combining historical accuracy with contemporary security measures and personal interactions among the characters. The authenticity of the dialogue and actions adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters in the scene are well-developed, each with their own concerns and motivations related to the upcoming Conclave. The interactions between the characters add depth to the narrative and foreshadow potential conflicts and alliances.

Character Changes: 7

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, there are hints of character development to come as the tensions and conflicts surrounding the Conclave unfold. The characters' reactions and interactions foreshadow potential growth and transformation.

Internal Goal: 8

Lawrence's internal goal is to maintain composure and leadership amidst the chaos and pressure of preparing for the Conclave. This reflects his desire for order, control, and the well-being of his fellow cardinals.

External Goal: 7

Lawrence's external goal is to ensure the successful completion of the preparations for the Conclave and the smooth running of the election process. This reflects the immediate challenge of managing logistical issues and potential security threats.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The level of conflict in the scene is moderate, primarily stemming from the uncertainty and tension surrounding the preparations for the Conclave. There are hints of potential conflicts to come, adding depth to the narrative.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is moderate, with challenges and conflicts arising from logistical issues, security concerns, and personal interactions among the characters, adding complexity and unpredictability to the narrative.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in the scene as the characters prepare for the Conclave to elect the next Pope, facing uncertainty, power struggles, and the weight of their decisions. The outcome of the Conclave will have far-reaching consequences, heightening the tension and drama.

Story Forward: 8

The scene effectively moves the story forward by setting up the central conflict of the Conclave and introducing key elements that will drive the narrative. The preparations and interactions among the characters lay the groundwork for significant developments to come.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable in terms of the characters' reactions and the potential obstacles they may face during the Conclave preparations, keeping the audience on edge and curious about the outcome.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between the need for security and secrecy in the election process, and the desire for transparency and open communication among the cardinals. This challenges Lawrence's beliefs in tradition and hierarchy versus modern concerns for safety and efficiency.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene has a moderate emotional impact, evoking feelings of sadness, anxiety, and concern among the characters as they prepare for the Conclave. The somber tone and reflective moments contribute to the emotional depth of the scene.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue in the scene is engaging and serves to reveal the characters' personalities and relationships. The conversations feel natural and contribute to the overall tension and drama of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its blend of tension, humor, and personal dynamics among the characters, creating a sense of urgency and intrigue as the Conclave preparations unfold.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and momentum as the characters navigate the chaotic preparations for the Conclave, leading to a sense of urgency and anticipation for the upcoming events.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting that enhances readability and visual storytelling.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a structured format that effectively introduces the setting, characters, and conflicts, leading to a clear progression of events and character interactions.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes a sense of urgency and chaos as preparations for the conclave are underway. The contrast between the intricate beauty of the Sistine Chapel and the mechanical, disruptive activities of the workmen creates a compelling visual metaphor for the tension between tradition and modernity in the Church.
  • Lawrence's character is well-defined through his interactions and dialogue. His concern for the claustrophobic conditions and the chaotic environment reflects his deeper anxieties about the upcoming conclave and his role in it. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtext to enhance the emotional stakes.
  • The use of humor, particularly in Lawrence's exchanges with Archbishop Mandorff and Monsignor O'Malley, adds a layer of relatability to the characters. However, the humor sometimes feels out of place given the somber context of the Pope's recent death. Balancing the tone more carefully could enhance the scene's emotional impact.
  • The scene's pacing is somewhat uneven. While the initial setup is engaging, the dialogue-heavy middle section slows down the momentum. This could lead to a loss of tension as the audience anticipates the arrival of the cardinals. Consider tightening the dialogue or interspersing more action to maintain a sense of urgency.
  • The visual descriptions are vivid, but they could be enhanced by incorporating more sensory details. For example, describing the sounds, smells, or even the temperature of the chapel could immerse the audience further into the setting and heighten the atmosphere.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more internal conflict for Lawrence to heighten the stakes. Perhaps he could reflect on his doubts about his ability to lead during the conclave, which would add depth to his character.
  • Incorporate more sensory details to enrich the scene. Describe the sounds of the workmen, the smell of fresh wood, or the feel of the carpet underfoot to create a more immersive experience.
  • Balance the humor with the gravity of the situation. Ensure that the comedic moments do not undermine the emotional weight of the scene, especially given the context of the Pope's death.
  • Tighten the dialogue to maintain a brisk pace. Consider cutting any lines that do not serve to advance the plot or deepen character relationships.
  • Introduce a moment of foreshadowing regarding the upcoming conclave. Perhaps Lawrence could overhear a snippet of conversation that hints at the tensions among the cardinals, setting the stage for future conflicts.



Scene 8 -  Reflections in the Room of Tears
15 INT. SISTINE CHAPEL - ANTECHAMBER - MORNING 15

Behind the altar of the chapel Lawrence descends a set of
stairs. He crosses a narrow sacristy to descend into a small
room.

15A INT. SISTINE CHAPEL - ROOM OF TEARS - MORNING 15A

Lawrence closes the door, muffling the sound of the work
beyond. He stands for a moment, savouring the relative pe ace.
He finds himself staring at the THRONE, on which the newly-
elected Pontiff will sit. He crosses to a clothes rail and
brushes a hand along the row of cellophane wrapped papal
cassocks.

The door opens and Bellini slips in, closing the door behind
him.

BELLINI
Shelter from the Storm.

Lawrence smiles, examines one of the cassocks.

BELLINI (CONT’D)
Dear Lord, that’s enormous.
CONCLAVE by Peter Straughan - Pink Revisions. (27.01.2023) 15.


LAWRENCE
Apparently Pope John the Twenty-
Third was too fat to fit into the
biggest cassock. They had to split
the seam in the back for him to get
into it.

He picks up a pair of shoes, slip-ons in red leather.

BELLINI
You look tired.

LAWRENCE
All this... it’s a duty I never
thought I’d have to perform.
(Beat)
I always assumed he would out-live
us all.

To his surprise he finds himself continuing....

LAWRENCE (CONT’D)
We... we didn’t part well.

He stares at the shoes to avoid Bellini’s gaze.

LAWRENCE (CONT’D)
I asked for his permission to
retire as Dean. Join an order. I
have been having... difficulties.

BELLINI
(Beat)
What did he say?

LAWRENCE
He refused my resignation. Said
that some were chosen to be
Shepherds, and some to manage the
farm. Apparently, I’m a manager.

He gives Bellini a crooked, painful smile.

LAWRENCE (CONT’D)
Things were a little cold between
us when I left. (Beat). And that
was the last time I saw him.

Bellini hesitates. Then...

BELLINI
The Holy Father told me of your...
crisis of faith. He said you had
difficulties with prayer.
CONCLAVE by Peter Straughan - Pink Revisions. (27.01.2023) 16.


Lawrence feels shocked, obscurely betrayed.

BELLINI (CONT’D)
You know that he had doubts
himself, by the end?

LAWRENCE
The Pope had doubts about God?

BELLINI
Never about God. What he had lost
faith in was the Church.

The two friends stare at each other.

16 I/E. MINIBUS - MORNING 16

A group of NUNS, wearing blue habit, sit on a minibus, the
walls of the Vatican outside the window. In their midst a
woman with an arist ocratic air - SISTER AGNES.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary In the somber setting of the Room of Tears behind the altar of the Sistine Chapel, Lawrence grapples with his faith and feelings of betrayal regarding the late Pope John the Twenty-Third. As he reflects on their past relationship, Bellini enters and offers support, revealing the Pope's own doubts about the Church. Their conversation fosters a moment of shared understanding, leaving Lawrence in contemplation as they share a silent connection, symbolized by the weight of papal vestments around them.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Nuanced character development
  • Poignant dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Limited external conflict
  • Slow plot progression

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys a sense of introspection and emotional depth through the dialogue and interactions between characters. It provides valuable insight into Cardinal Lawrence's inner turmoil and sets the stage for further character development and thematic exploration.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of delving into the personal struggles and doubts of a high-ranking Church official adds depth to the narrative and offers a unique perspective on the inner workings of the Vatican. The exploration of faith, duty, and personal relationships is compelling.

Plot: 8

The plot progression in this scene is focused on character development and thematic exploration rather than advancing the external plot. It lays the groundwork for future conflicts and resolutions while deepening the audience's understanding of the characters.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces fresh perspectives on faith and duty within the context of the Church, with authentic character dynamics and emotional depth.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters in this scene, particularly Cardinal Lawrence and Cardinal Bellini, are well-developed and complex. Their interactions reveal layers of emotion and internal conflict, adding depth to the narrative and setting up potential character arcs.

Character Changes: 8

Cardinal Lawrence undergoes a significant emotional journey in this scene, confronting his past regrets and doubts while grappling with the weight of his responsibilities. His interactions with Cardinal Bellini reveal new layers of his character and set the stage for potential growth and change.

Internal Goal: 8

Lawrence's internal goal in this scene is to come to terms with his strained relationship with the previous Pope and his crisis of faith. It reflects his deeper need for validation, resolution, and spiritual guidance.

External Goal: 7

Lawrence's external goal is to navigate his duties as a Dean and manage the upcoming election of a new Pontiff. It reflects the immediate challenge of maintaining his position and responsibilities within the Church.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

While there is emotional conflict and tension between the characters, the scene primarily focuses on internal struggles and personal revelations rather than external conflicts. The conflict is more subtle and introspective in nature.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong in terms of internal conflicts and emotional obstacles faced by the characters, adding depth to the narrative.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are high on an emotional and personal level for Cardinal Lawrence, as he grapples with his past decisions, doubts, and the weight of his responsibilities within the Church. The scene sets the stage for potential conflicts and resolutions that could have far-reaching consequences.

Story Forward: 7

While the scene does not significantly advance the external plot, it deepens the audience's understanding of the characters and sets up important themes and conflicts that will impact future events. It lays the groundwork for character development and narrative complexity.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable in its revelations about the Pope's doubts and Lawrence's crisis of faith, adding complexity to the narrative.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is between faith in God and faith in the Church. Lawrence grapples with his crisis of faith and the Pope's doubts about the institution of the Church, challenging his beliefs and values.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, drawing the audience into the characters' inner turmoil and regrets. The poignant dialogue and intimate moments create a sense of empathy and connection, evoking strong emotions in the viewer.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue in the scene is poignant and thought-provoking, revealing the inner thoughts and struggles of the characters. It effectively conveys the emotional weight of the situation and enhances the audience's connection to the characters.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its emotional depth, character development, and thematic exploration of faith and duty.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and emotional resonance, allowing for introspective moments and character interactions to unfold naturally.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting adheres to the expected format for a dramatic screenplay, with clear scene descriptions and character interactions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a traditional structure for character-driven drama, focusing on dialogue and introspection to develop the narrative.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures a moment of introspection for Lawrence, allowing the audience to see his vulnerability and the weight of his responsibilities. However, the transition from the previous scene to this one feels abrupt. The noise of the drill serves as a good contrast to the peace Lawrence finds in the Room of Tears, but it might benefit from a more gradual shift in tone to enhance the emotional impact.
  • The dialogue between Lawrence and Bellini is engaging and reveals important character backstory, particularly Lawrence's struggles with his faith and his relationship with the late Pope. However, the exposition could be more subtly woven into the conversation. Instead of directly stating their past interactions, consider using more indirect references or metaphors that evoke their history without explicitly detailing it.
  • The use of humor, particularly in the exchange about the cassocks, adds a light touch to an otherwise somber scene. However, the humor could be balanced better with the gravity of the situation. The line about Pope John the Twenty-Third's size, while amusing, might detract from the emotional weight of Lawrence's reflections on his relationship with the Pope.
  • The pacing of the scene feels slightly uneven. While the initial moments of silence and reflection are effective, the dialogue picks up quickly, which can disrupt the contemplative mood. Allowing for longer pauses or moments of silence could enhance the emotional resonance of Lawrence's internal conflict.
  • The visual elements, such as the throne and the wrapped cassocks, are strong symbols that contribute to the atmosphere. However, the scene could benefit from more sensory details to immerse the audience further. Describing the textures, scents, or even the lighting in the Room of Tears could enhance the setting and deepen the emotional experience.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment of silence or reflection before Bellini enters to emphasize Lawrence's solitude and internal struggle.
  • Weave in the backstory more subtly through dialogue, using indirect references or anecdotes that hint at their past without overtly stating it.
  • Balance the humor with the somber tone by ensuring that the comedic lines do not overshadow the emotional stakes of the scene.
  • Incorporate longer pauses in the dialogue to allow the weight of Lawrence's words to sink in, enhancing the emotional impact.
  • Enhance the sensory details of the setting to create a more immersive experience for the audience, describing the atmosphere, sounds, and smells in the Room of Tears.



Scene 9 -  Tensions at Casa Santa Marta
17 EXT. CASA SANTA MARTA - PARKING - MORNING 17

As the buses park inside the Vatican the NUNS descend and
walk up to the Casa.

18 INT. CASA SANTA MARTA - LOBBY - DAY 18

The line of NUNS are entering the building.

19 INT. CASA SANTA MARTA - BACK OFFICE - DAY 19

Sister Agnes arrives in her office. She puts down her bag and
takes off her coat, glances at the plan for the day. In the
corner a canary in a cage. Sister Agnes walks over and feeds
it.

20 EXT. CASA SANTA MARTA - COURTYARD - DAY 20

Lawrence stands, wrapped in a winter coat against the cold,
on the steps of the Casa, staring up at the sky. He is
flanked again by O’Malley and Mandorff, other members of
staff hovering beside them. For a moment LAWRENCE listens to
the faint sound of thousands of voices outside on the
streets, drums echoing.

ARCHBISHOP MANDORFF
Here they come, Your Eminence.
CONCLAVE by Peter Straughan - Pink Revisions. (27.01.2023) 17.


He’s talking about the group of cardinals who are now passing
the gate into the courtyard, crossing towards him. They are
accompanied by two Security Guards, and the clatter of their
wheeled suitcases. As they approach Lawrence opens his arms.

LAWRENCE
Brothers, welcome.

CARDINAL MENDOZA
Are we criminals now? Searched?
Luggage opened...

LAWRENCE
(Taking his hands)
I’m so sorry, Your Eminence, but we
are told there is a heightened
state of security.

CARDINAL MENDOZA shows Lawrence his sleeve.

CARDINAL MENDOZA
(In disgust)
And look at this. Spat upon. The
Protestors. We’re all paedophiles
now, apparently.
(Dropping his voice)
Don Tutino?

LAWRENCE
(Quietly)
Will not be attending.

Mendoza nods grimly and walks on.
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In the morning at Casa Santa Marta, Sister Agnes prepares for her day while Lawrence, accompanied by O'Malley and Mandorff, awaits the arrival of cardinals. As the cardinals arrive, Lawrence greets them, but Cardinal Mendoza expresses frustration over the increased security and negative public perception due to ongoing protests. The atmosphere is tense as Mendoza learns that Don Tutino will not be attending, leaving him with a grim acknowledgment of the situation before he departs, highlighting the ongoing conflict between the clergy and public scrutiny.
Strengths
  • Strong character development
  • Tension-filled atmosphere
  • Engaging dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue may be overly expository
  • Limited visual descriptions

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively sets the tone for the upcoming conclave, establishing a sense of tension and reflection among the characters. The dialogue and interactions provide depth to the characters and hint at the conflicts to come, making it a crucial moment in the story.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the scene, focusing on the beginning of the conclave and the challenges faced by the characters, is well-developed and engaging. It sets the stage for the upcoming events and introduces key themes of power, secrecy, and personal reflection.

Plot: 8.5

The plot of the scene is crucial in advancing the story, as it introduces key conflicts, character dynamics, and the central event of the conclave. It sets up important developments and tensions that will drive the narrative forward.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh perspective on the internal workings of the Vatican during a conclave, exploring themes of security, public perception, and faith in a unique and engaging way. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and relevant to the setting.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters in the scene are well-developed, with distinct personalities and motivations that drive their interactions. Lawrence's leadership and inner turmoil, as well as the tensions between the cardinals, add depth to the scene and foreshadow future conflicts.

Character Changes: 8

The scene shows subtle changes in Lawrence's demeanor and relationships with other characters, hinting at his inner struggles and the challenges he will face in the upcoming events. The interactions with the cardinals also reveal shifts in their dynamics and motivations.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to maintain order and diplomacy amidst heightened security and tensions within the Vatican. This reflects his desire for peace and unity within the religious community.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to welcome the arriving cardinals and ensure their safety amidst security concerns and protests. This reflects the immediate challenge of managing a high-stakes event like a conclave.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The scene has a high level of conflict, both internal and external, as the characters grapple with personal struggles, tensions among themselves, and the challenges of the upcoming conclave. The conflicts drive the narrative forward and add intensity to the scene.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist facing challenges from external security threats, public perception, and internal doubts among the clergy, creating uncertainty and conflict that drive the narrative forward.

High Stakes: 8

The scene establishes high stakes with the beginning of the conclave, as the characters face challenges of power, secrecy, and personal turmoil. The outcome of the conclave will have significant consequences for the characters and the Church, raising the tension and importance of the events.

Story Forward: 9

The scene effectively moves the story forward by setting up the conclave, introducing key conflicts and tensions, and foreshadowing future events. It advances the narrative while deepening the character development and thematic elements.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because it introduces unexpected challenges and conflicts, such as the heightened security measures and the public perception of the clergy, adding layers of complexity to the narrative.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the clash between the public perception of the clergy as criminals and the protagonist's belief in the innocence and integrity of the cardinals. This challenges the protagonist's values of faith and trust in the face of external scrutiny and doubt.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene has a strong emotional impact, evoking feelings of sadness, tension, and concern in the audience. The personal reflections of the characters and the heightened stakes of the conclave create a sense of urgency and emotional depth.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue in the scene is impactful, conveying the emotions, conflicts, and personal reflections of the characters effectively. It adds depth to the interactions and sets the tone for the upcoming events, engaging the audience in the unfolding drama.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it introduces conflict, tension, and intrigue through the characters' interactions and the unfolding events surrounding the conclave, keeping the audience invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by balancing dialogue, action, and description to maintain tension and momentum, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the unfolding events.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with proper scene headings, descriptions, and dialogue formatting that enhance readability and clarity.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with clear transitions between locations and well-paced dialogue that advances the plot and develops the characters effectively.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes the tension surrounding the arrival of the cardinals and the heightened security measures, which reflects the current climate of distrust towards the clergy. However, the dialogue could be more impactful by incorporating subtext that reveals the characters' deeper feelings about the situation rather than just stating facts.
  • Cardinal Mendoza's line about being treated like criminals is a strong moment that could be expanded to explore the emotional weight of the protests and the public perception of the Church. This could add depth to his character and the overall atmosphere of the scene.
  • Lawrence's response to Mendoza about Don Tutino's absence feels somewhat abrupt. It would benefit from a more nuanced reaction that conveys Lawrence's own feelings about the situation, perhaps hinting at his internal conflict regarding the Church's reputation and the implications of Tutino's absence.
  • The visual elements, such as the canary in Sister Agnes's office, could be used more symbolically to reflect the themes of confinement and the fragility of life within the Church. This could create a stronger thematic resonance throughout the scene.
  • The pacing of the scene feels a bit rushed, especially with the transition from the nuns arriving to the cardinals entering. A moment of stillness or reflection for Lawrence could enhance the emotional weight of the scene, allowing the audience to absorb the gravity of the situation.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment where Lawrence reflects on the significance of the cardinals' arrival, perhaps recalling past conclaves or the weight of the decisions they are about to make. This could deepen his character and set a more contemplative tone.
  • Expand Mendoza's dialogue to include a personal anecdote or a more emotional response to the protests, which would help to humanize him and make the audience empathize with his frustrations.
  • Incorporate a brief exchange between Lawrence and O'Malley or Mandorff that reveals their shared concerns about the Church's future, adding layers to their relationships and the stakes involved.
  • Utilize the canary as a metaphor throughout the scene, perhaps having Sister Agnes comment on its well-being or its song, which could parallel the themes of hope and despair within the Church.
  • Slow down the pacing by including more descriptive action beats that allow the audience to visualize the scene more vividly, such as the sounds of the crowd outside or the expressions on the characters' faces as they react to the unfolding events.



Scene 10 -  Arrival at Casa Santa Marta
21 EXT. CASA SANTA MARTA - COURTYARD - LATER 21

In MONTAGE we see further arrivals: The Africans led by the
magisterial Adeyemi, pointing out this building and that to
his party, like a proprietor. From the Eastern Ministries,
the Archbishops of Lebanon and Antioch. From India the
Archbishops of Trivandrum, Ernakulam-Angamaly and...

LAWRENCE
(Pronouncing carefully)
Eminence Khal-Koh, welcome!

Lawrence shakes his hand in the staircase.

Back in the courtyard Tremblay arrives at the same time as
the ove r-weight CARDINAL GUTTOSO. He has his choir dress in a
dry-cleaning bag slung over his shoulder, a Nike sports bag
swinging in the other. He raises both hands to indicate he
cannot shake.
CONCLAVE by Peter Straughan - Pink Revisions. (27.01.2023) 18.


TREMBLAY
Thomas!

Guttoso, in contrast has an assistant struggling behind him
with his three, huge cases. As he waddles past Lawrence and
Tremblay exchange a look.

TREMBLAY (CONT’D)
(Of the cases)
Is he smuggling in his private
Chef?

22 EXT. CASA SANTA MARTA - COURTYARD - AFTERNOON 22

THE SKY -- the drone of a helicopter, either security or
media, hidden from our sight by the low cloud cover.

ON LAWRENCE

...staring up at the clouds, listening to the sinister hum.
He turns back to Mandorff and O’Malley who are waiting with
him in the cold. It’s getting dark now.

LAWRENCE
How many is that, Willi?

ARCHBISHOP MANDORFF
One hundred and three, Eminence.

LAWRENCE
I wonder where Tedesco has got to.

MONSIGNOR O'MALLEY
Perhaps he isn’t coming?

LAWRENCE
That would be too much to hope for.

MONSIGNOR O'MALLEY
(Of the cold)
We can wait inside if you prefer?

LAWRENCE
No, let’s get some fresh air while
we still can.

He notices Bellini striding towards them and descends the
steps to greet his friend.

BELLINI
Am I the last?
CONCLAVE by Peter Straughan - Pink Revisions. (27.01.2023) 19.


LAWRENCE
Not quite. How are you?

BELLINI
Oh fairly dreadful. You’ve seen the
papers? Apparently it’s already
decided it’s to be me.

LAWRENCE
And I happen to agree with them.

BELLINI
What if I don’t want it? No sane
man would want the papacy.

LAWRENCE
Some of our colleagues seem to.

BELLINI
But what if I know in my heart I’m
not worthy?

LAWRENCE
You’re more worthy than any of us.

BELLINI
I’m not.

LAWRENCE
Then... t ell your supporters not to
vote for you. Pass the chalice...

Bellini looks past him, his expression hardening.

BELLINI
And let it go to him? How am I to
live with myself if I don’t try to
stop him?

He walks towards the Casa Santa Marta as Lawrence turns to
face the newcomer: TEDESCO, the Patriarch of Venice. He looks
like a retired butcher, broken-nosed, the physique of a bull.

TEDESCO TEDESCO
< Apologies, Lawr ence. My Chiedo scusa, Lawrence. Il
train was delayed in Venice.> mio treno era in ritardo a
Venezia.

LAWRENCE LAWRENCE
(Italian) Padre Tedesco. Ci siete
< Father Tedesco. We’ve mancato.
missed you. >

Tedesco laughs.
CONCLAVE by Peter Straughan - Pink Revisions. (27.01.2023) 20.


TEDESCO TEDESCO
(Italian) Non c'è dubbio. Ma non
< No doubt. But don’t worry, preoccupatevi, i miei amici -
my friends have kept me well how do you say - mi hanno
informed. > tenuto ben informato.

Lawrence, refusing to be goaded, keeps his smile in place.

LAWRENCE LAWRENCE
(Italian) State bene?
< Are you well? >

TEDESCO TEDESCO
(Italian) Ah, no-one is ever well at
< Ah, no-one is ever well at our age. Come vi trovate con
our age. How have you found le vostre nuove
your new responsibilitie s? responsabilità? Avete tutto
You have everything under sotto controllo?
control? >

LAWRENCE LAWRENCE
< I believe so. > Credo di sì.

TEDESCO TEDESCO
< Good. > Bene.
(To a waiting assistant) (a un assistente)
< Stop hovering. I carry my Smettetela di stare in
own bag. > agguato. La porto io la mia
borsa.

Lawrence watches him stump on to the entrance. He offers up a
quiet prayer.

LAWRENCE
Heavenly Father, Bless this
Conclave, and guide it in Wisdom.

From above the drone of the helicopter is heard again.
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In a montage at Casa Santa Marta, various dignitaries, including African leaders and Eastern Archbishops, arrive for a conclave. Lawrence shares a humorous moment with Tremblay about Cardinal Guttoso's excessive luggage while discussing the attendees and the absence of Tedesco. Bellini confides in Lawrence about his fears of being unworthy for the papacy, and Lawrence encourages him to reject the notion of being voted for. Tedesco arrives late, engaging in light-hearted banter with Lawrence. The scene concludes with Lawrence offering a quiet prayer for guidance, highlighting the tension and camaraderie among the characters.
Strengths
  • Strong character development
  • Tension-filled dialogue
  • Emotional depth
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue may be overly expository
  • Limited visual action

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively sets the tone for the upcoming conclave, establishing a sense of intrigue, conflict, and emotional depth. The interactions between the characters are engaging, and the unfolding events keep the audience invested in the story.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the scene, focusing on the beginning of the conclave and the personal struggles of the characters, is compelling and sets the stage for further developments in the story.

Plot: 8.5

The plot of the scene is engaging, with multiple layers of conflict, intrigue, and personal stakes driving the narrative forward. The introduction of new characters and the revelation of internal struggles add depth to the story.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh perspective on the power dynamics and internal conflicts within the Catholic Church. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and offer a unique take on the political intrigue of a conclave.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters in the scene are well-developed, each with their own motivations, conflicts, and emotional arcs. The interactions between the characters reveal their depth and complexity, adding richness to the narrative.

Character Changes: 8

Several characters undergo significant emotional and psychological changes in the scene, particularly Cardinal Bellini, who grapples with the possibility of becoming the next Pope and the weight of that responsibility. The scene sets up potential character arcs and growth.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist, Lawrence, seems to be grappling with his own sense of worthiness and responsibility in the face of potential papacy. His internal goal reflects his deeper fears of inadequacy and the burden of leadership.

External Goal: 7

Lawrence's external goal is to navigate the political and personal challenges of the conclave, including dealing with rival candidates and maintaining control over the proceedings.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8.5

The level of conflict in the scene is high, with interpersonal tensions, power struggles, and personal dilemmas driving the narrative forward. The conflicting desires and motivations of the characters create a sense of urgency and drama.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is moderate, with hints of conflict and rivalry among the characters. The uncertainty of the papal election adds a layer of tension and unpredictability.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes in the scene are high, as the characters grapple with the impending conclave, personal sacrifices, and the future of the Church. The decisions made in this scene will have far-reaching consequences, adding tension and urgency to the narrative.

Story Forward: 9

The scene effectively moves the story forward by introducing key conflicts, dilemmas, and character dynamics that will shape the narrative of the conclave. The developments in the scene set the stage for further plot progression and character evolution.

Unpredictability: 8

The scene is unpredictable in its character dynamics and the shifting power play among the religious figures. The audience is kept on their toes by the unexpected twists and revelations.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the themes of power, responsibility, and self-worth. Lawrence and Bellini's conversation highlights the internal struggle of accepting or rejecting power and the moral implications of their choices.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene has a strong emotional impact, evoking feelings of sadness, tension, and introspection. The personal struggles and uncertainties faced by the characters resonate with the audience, creating a sense of empathy and engagement.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue in the scene is impactful, conveying the emotions, tensions, and personal dilemmas of the characters effectively. The conversations feel authentic and contribute to the development of the plot and characters.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its blend of intrigue, humor, and emotional depth. The interactions between characters and the unfolding power dynamics keep the audience invested in the story.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a balance of dialogue-driven moments and visual descriptions. The rhythm builds tension and maintains the audience's interest throughout.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting adheres to the expected format for a screenplay, with clear scene descriptions and character actions. The visual elements are well-defined and contribute to the scene's atmosphere.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure that builds tension and develops character relationships effectively. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the scene's overall effectiveness.


Critique
  • The montage format effectively conveys the bustling atmosphere of the arrivals at Casa Santa Marta, but it could benefit from more specific visual details to enhance the imagery. For instance, describing the expressions or reactions of the cardinals as they arrive could add depth to their characters and the overall mood.
  • The dialogue between Lawrence and Bellini is engaging and reveals their relationship dynamics, but it feels slightly expository. Consider weaving in more subtext or emotional stakes to make their conversation feel more organic and less like a direct exchange of information.
  • The introduction of Tedesco is impactful, but his characterization could be strengthened. While the description of him as 'looking like a retired butcher' is vivid, it might be more effective to show his personality through his actions or dialogue rather than relying solely on physical description.
  • The scene's pacing is uneven; the transition from the light-hearted banter about Guttoso's luggage to the more serious conversation between Lawrence and Bellini feels abrupt. A smoother transition could help maintain the flow and emotional continuity of the scene.
  • The use of Italian in Tedesco's dialogue adds authenticity, but it may alienate some viewers if not accompanied by subtitles or context. Consider balancing the use of foreign language with enough English dialogue to keep the audience engaged and informed.
Suggestions
  • Incorporate more sensory details to enhance the atmosphere of the courtyard, such as the sounds of the arriving cardinals or the chill in the air, to immerse the audience in the setting.
  • Add a moment of reflection for Lawrence after Bellini expresses his reluctance about the papacy, allowing the audience to see his internal conflict and concern for his friend.
  • Consider introducing a minor conflict or tension among the cardinals during their arrivals to heighten the stakes and foreshadow the upcoming conclave, such as a disagreement or a moment of rivalry.
  • Use visual motifs, such as the helicopter's drone, to symbolize the looming pressures and scrutiny surrounding the conclave, reinforcing the theme of external observation and judgment.
  • Ensure that the humor in the dialogue does not undermine the gravity of the situation; balance light-hearted moments with the serious undertones of the impending conclave.



Scene 11 -  The Conclave Preparations
22A INT. CASA SANTA MARTA - BEDROOMS - EVENING 22A

The NUNS glide silently around the rooms. Beds are turned
down, pillows smoothed.

22B INT. CASA SANTA MARTA - BATHROOM - EVENING 22B

Little packets of toiletries are placed by the NUNS.

22C OMITTED 22C
CONCLAVE by Peter Straughan - Pink Revisions. (27.01.2023) 21.

23 INT. CASA SANTA MARTA - SECURITY GATE - EVENING 23

The surreal sight of cardinals handing in their mobile phones
at reception, queueing to pass through a METAL DETECTOR.
Sister Agnes watches over the process.

SISTER AGNES SISTER AGNES
(Italian) Anche l'iPad, Eminenza.
< The iPad too, your
Eminence. >

24 INT. CASA SANTA MARTA - STORAGE ROOM - EVENING 24

A NUN is placing the confiscated MOBILE PHONES and devices
into dockets, each in a labelled plastic bag.

25 INT. CASA SANTA MARTA - HALLWAY - EVENING 25

Lawrence walks quickly with Monsignor O’Malley, both trailed
by the young chaplain, FATHER HAAS.

LAWRENCE
(Impatient)
Where is he?

O’MALLEY
The meeting room, Your Eminence.

LAWRENCE * LAWRENCE
(handing coat and scarf Me li porta di sopra, per
to Haas; Italian) favore?
Will you take these upstairs
for me?

O’MALLEY
Do you w ant me to sit in?

LAWRENCE
No, no, I’ll deal with it.
Genres: ["Drama","Mystery"]

Summary In the evening at Casa Santa Marta, nuns prepare for the cardinals' arrival by turning down beds and organizing toiletries. A surreal moment unfolds as cardinals queue to surrender their mobile devices under Sister Agnes's supervision. Lawrence, accompanied by Monsignor O'Malley and Father Haas, is impatiently searching for someone, asserting his authority by instructing Haas to take his belongings upstairs while dismissing O'Malley's offer to assist. The scene captures a tense atmosphere as the cardinals prepare for the upcoming conclave.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Detailed descriptions
  • Character development
Weaknesses
  • Limited conflict development
  • Some dialogue could be more impactful

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively sets the tone for the upcoming conclave, with a mix of somberness, tension, and reflection. The detailed descriptions of the preparations and the emotional depth of the characters enhance the overall impact.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of preparing for the conclave and dealing with the aftermath of the Pope's death is engaging and sets the stage for significant developments in the story. The scene effectively introduces key elements and themes that will drive the narrative forward.

Plot: 8.5

The plot is advanced through the preparations for the conclave and the characters' emotional responses to the Pope's death. The scene sets up important conflicts and tensions that will unfold in the subsequent events.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces unique elements such as the security measures and rituals in a religious setting, adding authenticity to the characters' actions and dialogue.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-developed, with their emotions, relationships, and motivations effectively portrayed. The scene allows for insights into their personalities and sets up potential character arcs.

Character Changes: 8

Some characters show signs of emotional growth and introspection in the scene, setting the stage for potential changes and developments in their arcs. The scene hints at character evolution and transformation.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to maintain control and authority in a high-stakes situation. This reflects their need for power and influence in their position.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to handle a meeting with a sense of urgency and efficiency. This reflects the immediate challenge they are facing in managing a critical situation.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

While there are tensions and conflicts hinted at in the scene, they are not fully developed yet. The conflict level is moderate, with potential for escalation in future scenes.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist facing challenges in maintaining control and making quick decisions.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in the scene as the characters prepare for the conclave and deal with the aftermath of the Pope's death. The decisions made and actions taken have significant consequences for the future of the Church.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by establishing key elements for the upcoming conclave and laying the groundwork for future events. It sets the stage for significant plot developments and character interactions.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected security measures and the protagonist's quick decision-making.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between the protagonist's desire for control and the need to delegate responsibilities. This challenges their beliefs about leadership and decision-making.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene evokes a strong emotional response through its somber tone, reflective moments, and the characters' reactions to the Pope's death. The emotional depth adds layers to the narrative and engages the audience.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue is meaningful and serves to convey the characters' emotions, thoughts, and interactions. It effectively contributes to the scene's tone and progression.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its fast-paced dialogue and the sense of urgency in handling the situation.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by maintaining a sense of urgency and keeping the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene adheres to the expected format for its genre, with proper scene headings and character actions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with clear transitions between locations and characters.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes a sense of urgency and surrealism as the nuns prepare the rooms and the cardinals surrender their devices. This juxtaposition highlights the tension between the sacredness of the conclave and the modern world's intrusion, which is a strong thematic element.
  • The use of visual elements, such as the nuns gliding silently and the cardinals queuing at the metal detector, creates a vivid atmosphere. However, the scene could benefit from more sensory details to enhance the immersion, such as the sounds of the nuns' movements or the metallic clinks of the devices being handed over.
  • The dialogue is minimal, which suits the tone of the scene, but it may come off as too sparse for some readers. Adding a few lines of internal monologue or brief exchanges between characters could deepen the emotional stakes and provide insight into Lawrence's state of mind as he prepares for the meeting.
  • Lawrence's impatience is clear, but the scene could explore his emotional landscape further. What is he feeling as he rushes to the meeting? Is he anxious, determined, or conflicted? A brief moment of reflection could add depth to his character and make the audience more invested in his journey.
  • The transition between the different locations (bedrooms, bathroom, security gate, storage room, hallway) feels somewhat abrupt. A smoother flow or a connecting line could help the audience follow the action more seamlessly and maintain engagement.
Suggestions
  • Incorporate more sensory details to enhance the atmosphere, such as sounds, smells, or tactile sensations that reflect the environment and the characters' emotions.
  • Consider adding a few lines of internal dialogue or brief exchanges between characters to provide insight into Lawrence's thoughts and feelings, making him more relatable and engaging.
  • Explore Lawrence's emotional state more deeply by including a moment of reflection or a brief flashback that connects his current urgency to his past experiences or fears regarding the conclave.
  • Smooth out the transitions between different locations by adding a connecting line or visual cue that helps the audience follow the action more fluidly.
  • Consider using the nuns' actions as a metaphor for the cardinals' upcoming decisions, perhaps by having them whisper or exchange knowing glances, hinting at the weight of the conclave's outcome.



Scene 12 -  Secrets Before the Conclave
26 INT. CASA SANTA MARTA - MEETING ROOM - EVENING 26

He opens the door to the room and finds Wozniak with his back
to him at the far end of the room, staring at the wall.

LAWRENCE
(Closing the door after
him)
Janusz?
CONCLAVE by Peter Straughan - Pink Revisions. (27.01.2023) 21A.


Wozniak turns, looking ashen. He’s been drinking. He sinks to
his knees, makes the sign of the cross.
CONCLAVE by Peter Straughan - Pink Revisions. (27.01.2023) 22.


ARCHBISHOP WOZNIAK
In the name of the Father, the Son
and the Holy Ghost. My last
confession was four weeks ago...

Lawrence walks to him, a little irritated.

LAWRENCE
(Helping him up)
Janusz, Janusz, I’m sorry I don’t
have time to hear your confession.
There is so much still to do.

Wozniak sinks into a chair. Wipes sweat from his face with
trembling hands. Lawrence examines him in surprise.

LAWRENCE (CONT’D)
Have you been drinking?

Wozniak looks at him, wretched. Lawrence sighs inwardly.

LAWRENCE (CONT’D)
What’s troubling you? Tell me.

ARCHBISHOP WOZNIAK
I should have come to you before.
But I promised I wouldn’t say
anything.

LAWRENCE
Promised who?

ARCHBISHOP WOZNIAK
Cardinal Tremblay.

Lawrence feels an instinctive stab of alarm, his natural
aversion to secrets. Almost without realising it, he is
drifting back towards the door.

LAWRENCE
Janusz, the doors close soon and
you’ll have to leave. Now if you
promised Father Tremblay then
perhaps it isn’t right for you
to...

ARCHBISHOP WOZNIAK
(Blurting)
The day the Pope died, the last
person to have an official
appointment with him was Cardinal
Tremblay.
CONCLAVE by Peter Straughan - Pink Revisions. (27.01.2023) 23.


LAWRENCE
(Impatient)
Yes, I know. It’s on the official
timeline for...

ARCHBISHOP WOZNIAK
At that meeting, the Holy Father
dismissed him from all his offices
in the Church.

That stops Lawrence in his tracks.

LAWRENCE
What?

ARCHBISHOP WOZNIAK
He sacked him.

Lawrence stares at him. He starts to speak, stops, dimly
aware that he feels anger - anger at being burdened with
this.

LAWRENCE
(Tight)
Why?

ARCHBISHOP WOZ NIAK
For gross misconduct.

Lawrence stares at him, staggered.

LAWRENCE
You...you tell me this now? We are
about to be sequestered and...

ARCHBISHOP WOZNIAK
Forgive me! But it wasn’t until the
last few days, when I started to
hear the rumours...

LAWRENCE
(Sharply)
What rumours?

ARCHBISHOP WOZNIAK
That he might be elected Pope.

LAWRENCE
And you see it as your duty to
prevent that, do you?

ARCHBISHOP WOZNIAK
I no l onger know what my duty is.
CONCLAVE by Peter Straughan - Pink Revisions. (27.01.2023) 24.


It’s said with such obvious sincerity, such misery, that
Lawrence feels ashamed of his anger. He sits.

LAWRENCE
(Beat)
Were you there at this meeting?

ARCHBISHOP WOZNIAK
No, Your Eminence. The Holy Father
told me about it afterwards, when
we had supper.

LAWRENCE
Did he tell you why he had
dismissed Father Tremblay?

ARCHBISHOP WOZNIAK
No. He said the reasons would
become clear soon enough. He was
very angry .

Lawrence feels a brief flare of hope that he could be lying,
but dismisses it quickly.

LAWRENCE
Does anyone else know about this?

ARCHBISHOP WOZNIAK
Monsignor Morales was at the
meeting.

LAWRENCE
Why hasn’t he mentioned anything to
me? He was there in the apartment
with us the night the Holy Father
died.

ARCHBISHOP WOZNIAK
(Tearing up)
After the Holy Father... after ...
(unable to say it)
I went to see M onsignor Morales to
tell him what the Pope had said but
he was very firm. He said there had
been no dismissal and that the Holy
Father had not been his usual self
in the last weeks. He said I
shouldn’t raise the subject again.
But... it’s not right, Eminence.
God tells me it’s not right.

Lawrence stands, pained, one word in his mind. Scandal.
CONCLAVE by Peter Straughan - Pink Revisions. (27.01.2023) 25.

27 OMITTED 27
Genres: ["Drama","Mystery","Thriller"]

Summary In a tense meeting room at Casa Santa Marta, Lawrence finds Archbishop Wozniak in distress, grappling with a troubling secret about Cardinal Tremblay's dismissal by the Pope for gross misconduct. Initially irritated, Lawrence listens as Wozniak reveals the Pope's directive to keep the information confidential, creating a moral dilemma just before the conclave. The emotional weight of the revelation leaves Lawrence in pained contemplation, burdened by the implications of the scandal.
Strengths
  • Intense dialogue
  • Revealing character dynamics
  • High emotional impact
  • Intriguing plot developments
Weaknesses
  • Potential lack of clarity in some character motivations

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9.2

The scene is highly engaging, filled with tension, drama, and suspense. The revelation of the dismissal adds a layer of complexity to the plot and raises the stakes significantly.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of unveiling a secret dismissal within the Church hierarchy adds depth to the narrative and raises intriguing questions about power dynamics and hidden agendas. It enhances the complexity of the plot.

Plot: 9.2

The plot is significantly advanced through the revelation of the dismissal and the ensuing conflict between characters. It adds layers of intrigue and sets the stage for further developments in the story.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on the internal workings of the Catholic Church, exploring themes of loyalty, truth, and justice within a religious context. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and nuanced, adding to the scene's originality.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed, with Lawrence and Wozniak displaying conflicting emotions and motivations. Their interactions reveal their inner struggles and the power dynamics at play within the Church hierarchy.

Character Changes: 9

Wozniak undergoes a significant emotional change, revealing a hidden secret and expressing his inner turmoil. Lawrence also experiences a shift in his perception of the situation, leading to a deeper understanding of the power dynamics at play.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to navigate the moral complexities of his position within the Church, balancing his duty to uphold tradition with his desire for transparency and justice.

External Goal: 7.5

The protagonist's external goal is to uncover the truth behind Cardinal Tremblay's dismissal and prevent any potential scandal that could affect the Church's reputation.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9.5

The level of conflict in the scene is high, with the revelation of the dismissal creating intense emotional turmoil and power struggles between the characters. The conflicting motivations and hidden agendas heighten the tension.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with characters facing moral dilemmas, conflicting loyalties, and hidden agendas that challenge their beliefs and motivations. The audience is left uncertain of how the conflict will be resolved.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in the scene, with the revelation of the dismissal creating intense conflicts and power struggles within the Church hierarchy. The characters' fates and the future of the Church are at risk.

Story Forward: 9

The scene propels the story forward by unveiling a crucial secret, setting the stage for further developments and conflicts within the narrative. It adds depth to the plot and raises the stakes for the characters.

Unpredictability: 8.5

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected revelations and moral twists that challenge the characters' beliefs and loyalties. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of how the conflict will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict revolves around the protagonist's struggle between loyalty to the Church's hierarchy and his commitment to truth and justice. This challenges his beliefs in the institution's infallibility and the importance of transparency.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9.2

The scene has a strong emotional impact, evoking feelings of anxiety, concern, surprise, anger, and worry in the audience. The intense confrontations and emotional revelations resonate deeply.

Dialogue: 9.2

The dialogue is sharp, intense, and emotionally charged, effectively conveying the tensions and conflicts between the characters. It drives the scene forward and adds depth to the character dynamics.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense emotional stakes, moral dilemmas, and suspenseful revelations. The characters' conflicting motivations and hidden agendas keep the audience invested in the unfolding drama.

Pacing: 8.5

The scene's pacing is effective in building tension and suspense, allowing for moments of emotional depth and character introspection. The rhythm of the dialogue and interactions contributes to the scene's overall effectiveness.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene's formatting adheres to standard screenplay conventions, making it easy to follow and understand. The dialogue is clear and concise, contributing to the scene's effectiveness.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a traditional structure for a dramatic confrontation, building tension through dialogue and character interactions. It effectively sets up the conflict and raises questions for the narrative to explore further.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension through the character of Wozniak, whose emotional state and drinking problem create an atmosphere of urgency and concern. However, the pacing feels uneven; the initial reveal of Wozniak's distress is compelling, but the subsequent dialogue could benefit from a more gradual buildup to the critical information about Tremblay's dismissal.
  • Lawrence's irritation with Wozniak's drinking and confession feels somewhat abrupt. While it establishes his character as someone who is focused and perhaps impatient, it could be enhanced by showing more of Lawrence's internal conflict about balancing his duties with compassion for Wozniak's state.
  • The dialogue is functional but lacks a certain depth that could elevate the emotional stakes. For instance, when Wozniak reveals the dismissal of Tremblay, the dialogue could include more visceral reactions from Lawrence, showcasing his internal struggle and the weight of the revelation.
  • The scene's climax hinges on the revelation of Tremblay's misconduct, but the stakes could be heightened by incorporating more sensory details or physical reactions from the characters. For example, showing Lawrence's physical discomfort or a change in his demeanor could emphasize the gravity of the situation.
  • The emotional tone shifts from irritation to concern, but this transition could be more nuanced. Lawrence's anger at being burdened with Wozniak's secret could be explored further, perhaps through internal monologue or more expressive body language.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment of silence or a pause after Wozniak's confession to allow the weight of the information to settle in for both characters and the audience.
  • Enhance the emotional stakes by incorporating more physicality in the scene. For example, show Lawrence pacing or fidgeting as he processes the information, which could visually represent his internal turmoil.
  • Introduce a flashback or a brief memory from Lawrence about his relationship with Tremblay or the late Pope to deepen the emotional impact of the revelation and provide context for Lawrence's reaction.
  • Explore Wozniak's character further by giving him a moment of vulnerability that contrasts with his earlier bravado. This could make his confession more impactful and relatable.
  • Consider revising the dialogue to include more subtext, allowing the characters to communicate their feelings and motivations without explicitly stating them. This can create a richer, more engaging interaction.



Scene 13 -  The Unexpected Cardinal
28 INT. CASA SANTA MARTA - LOBBY - NIGHT 28

Only the ground floor is now lit, like an aquarium. Lawrence
stands at the entrance in the green light, watching Wozniak
as he walks away. Wozniak raises a hand in awkward farewell
then walks on, as shutters rattle their way down over the
windows, shutting out the world. A SECURITY GUARD closes and
locks the main door.

It is beginning.

29 INT. CASA SANTA MARTA - KITCHENS - NIGHT 29

The kitchen is crowded with NUNS busy preparing the evening
meal for the 107 cardinals. Despite their number, the
atmosphere is hushed, each focussed on her task.

30 INT. CASA SANTA MARTA - DINING ROOM - NIGHT 30

The NUNS are laying the tables for the evening meal.

SISTER AGNES inspects the placement of the silverware,
correcting it with military precision.

31 INT. CASA SANTA MAR TA - STAIRCASE - NIGHT 31

Lawrence is walking up the stairs, eager to get to his room.
Behind him O’Malley calls out from reception.

MONSIGNOR O’MALLEY
Your Eminence...

O’Malley hurries over. The usually cheerful Irishman looks
disconcerted. He hesitates.

LAWRENCE
Oh dear God, one of them’s died.

MONSIGNOR O’MALLEY
What?

LAWRENCE
Have we lost a Cardinal?
CONCLAVE by Peter Straughan - Pink Revisions. (27.01.2023) 26.


MONSIGNOR O'MALLEY
No, Your Eminence. We seem to have
acquired one.
(Off Lawrence’s stern
face)
I mean it literally, Eminence.
Another cardinal has just turned
up.

Lawrence stares at him. The day is turning into a nightmare.
O’Malley leads him up the staircase.

LAWRENCE
If we’ve left someone off the
list...

MONSIGNOR O'MALLEY
He was never on our lists. He says
he was created in pectore.

LAWRENCE
(Beat)
He h as to be an imposter, surely?

MONSIGNOR O'MALLEY
That’s what I thought, Eminence.
But Archbishop Mandorff has spoken
to him and thinks not.

O’Malley guides him up the stairs towards Mandorff who stands
with two NUNS. They take in his expression and quickly glide
away.

LAWRENCE
What’s this I’m hearing?

ARCHBISHOP MANDORFF
(Shaken)
His name is Vincent Benitez,
Eminence. He’s the Archbishop of
Kabul.

Lawre nce almost double-takes.

LAWRENCE
Archbishop of where?

ARCHBISHOP MANDORFF
Kabul. He’s Mexican. The Holy
Father appointed him last year.

LAWRENCE
Last year? And how has this been
kept a secret?
CONCLAVE by Peter Straughan - Pink Revisions. (27.01.2023) 27.


ARCHBISHOP MANDORFF
I thought, perhaps, you would be
aware of his elevation.

LAWRENCE
No. I am not.

He feels the nervous gazes of the others on him and gets
control of himself.

LAWRENCE (CONT’D)
Ray, ask Father Bellini to join us.
Perhaps he knew of this.

O’Malley hurries off.

ARCHBISHOP MANDORFF
He has a letter of appointment from
the Pope addressed to the
archdiocese of Kabul, which they
kept secret at the Hol y Father’s
request.
(Beat)
You don’t think he could have
forged it?

Lawrence sighs.

LAWRENCE
Where is he now?
Genres: ["Drama","Mystery","Thriller"]

Summary In the dimly lit Casa Santa Marta, Lawrence witnesses the departure of Wozniak as nuns quietly prepare dinner for the cardinals. He is approached by Monsignor O'Malley, who reveals the shocking news of a new cardinal, Vincent Benitez, appointed in secret by the Pope. This revelation unsettles Lawrence, who was unaware of Benitez's existence, and raises concerns about the legitimacy of his appointment. As O'Malley and Archbishop Mandorff discuss the implications, tension mounts, leaving Lawrence anxious about the unfolding situation and the whereabouts of the mysterious cardinal.
Strengths
  • Building tension and suspense
  • Introducing a compelling new character
  • Advancing the plot significantly
Weaknesses
  • Potential confusion for the audience due to the sudden introduction of Archbishop Benitez

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene is well-crafted with a strong sense of tension and mystery, introducing a new plot element that adds depth to the story.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of introducing a mysterious character with a hidden agenda adds complexity to the plot and raises questions about the authenticity of Archbishop Benitez.

Plot: 8.5

The plot is advanced significantly with the introduction of Archbishop Benitez, setting the stage for new conflicts and revelations.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh and unexpected twist with the arrival of a new cardinal, challenging traditional beliefs and expectations within the religious setting. The dialogue and interactions feel authentic and engaging.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters react realistically to the unexpected situation, showcasing their individual concerns and reactions to the mystery surrounding Archbishop Benitez.

Character Changes: 7

The characters experience a shift in their perception and understanding of the situation, particularly with the introduction of Archbishop Benitez.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to maintain control and composure in the face of unexpected events, such as the arrival of a new cardinal. This reflects his need for order and adherence to protocol.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to investigate the legitimacy of the new cardinal's arrival and appointment. This reflects the immediate challenge of dealing with a potential imposter in a high-stakes situation.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8.5

The conflict in the scene is high due to the revelation of Archbishop Benitez's unexpected presence and the uncertainty surrounding his legitimacy.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, as the protagonist faces a challenging situation with the arrival of a new cardinal and the potential threat of an imposter. The uncertainty adds to the tension and conflict.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are raised with the arrival of Archbishop Benitez, as his presence challenges the established order and raises questions about the future of the conclave.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by introducing a new plot element that will impact the narrative trajectory.

Unpredictability: 9

This scene is unpredictable due to the sudden arrival of a new cardinal and the mystery surrounding his appointment. The audience is left unsure of the true motives and intentions of the characters.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict revolves around the themes of authenticity, secrecy, and trust. The protagonist's beliefs in tradition and hierarchy are challenged by the unexpected arrival of a new cardinal with a hidden appointment.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7.5

The scene evokes a sense of intrigue and curiosity, keeping the audience emotionally engaged with the unfolding mystery.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue effectively conveys the tension and surprise of the scene, with characters expressing their disbelief and confusion over Archbishop Benitez's sudden appearance.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its unexpected plot developments, tense interactions, and high stakes. The mystery surrounding the new cardinal's arrival keeps the audience invested.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and suspense, with a gradual reveal of information and character interactions. It keeps the audience engaged and eager to learn more.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows standard formatting conventions for a screenplay, with clear scene headings, descriptions, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure, moving between different locations and characters to build tension and intrigue. It maintains a cohesive narrative flow.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension by introducing a new character, Vincent Benitez, whose unexpected arrival raises questions about his legitimacy and the implications for the conclave. This creates a sense of urgency and intrigue, which is essential for maintaining audience engagement.
  • The dialogue between Lawrence and O'Malley is well-crafted, showcasing their relationship and the gravity of the situation. However, the pacing feels slightly rushed, particularly in the transition from Lawrence's concern about a potential death to the revelation of a new cardinal. This could benefit from a more gradual build-up to enhance the emotional impact.
  • The use of visual imagery, such as the aquarium-like lighting and the shutters rattling down, effectively sets the mood and reflects the isolation of the characters. However, the scene could benefit from more sensory details to immerse the audience further, such as the sounds of the kitchen or the atmosphere in the dining room.
  • Lawrence's reaction to the news of Benitez's arrival is appropriate, but it could be more nuanced. Instead of a straightforward disbelief, exploring his internal conflict or fear about the implications of this new cardinal could add depth to his character and heighten the stakes.
  • The introduction of Benitez is intriguing, but the scene lacks a clear sense of his character or motivations. Providing a brief glimpse into who he is or what he represents could enhance the audience's understanding and investment in the unfolding drama.
Suggestions
  • Consider slowing down the pacing in the transition from Lawrence's concern about a potential death to the revelation of Benitez. This could involve adding a moment of reflection or dialogue that emphasizes the weight of the situation before introducing the new character.
  • Incorporate more sensory details to enrich the atmosphere of the scene. Describing the sounds of the kitchen, the smells of the food being prepared, or the ambiance of the dining room could create a more immersive experience for the audience.
  • Explore Lawrence's internal conflict more deeply when he learns about Benitez. Instead of a simple reaction, consider adding layers to his response that reflect his fears or concerns about the implications of this new cardinal's presence.
  • Provide a brief introduction to Benitez's character, perhaps through a line of dialogue or a visual cue that hints at his background or motivations. This will help the audience understand the stakes involved with his arrival.
  • Consider adding a moment of tension or conflict between Lawrence and Mandorff regarding the legitimacy of Benitez. This could heighten the stakes and create a more dynamic interaction that reflects the uncertainty surrounding the conclave.



Scene 14 -  The Cardinal's Dilemma
32 INT. CASA SANTA MARTA - KITCHEN STORAGE - NIGHT 32

We’re looking at a slim man dressed in a somewhat shabby
plain black attire with no skull cap. This is BENITEZ. He
sits on a plastic chair, rosary in hand.

Lawrence, Bellini, Mandorff and O’Malley watch him through
the glass wall of the room.

BEL LINI
A cardinal in Afghanistan? It’s
absurd. How many catholics are
there in Afghanistan?

Lawrence gestures to the LETTER he’s holding.

LAWRENCE
He was the Head of the Catholic
Mission there until his...
elevation.
CONCLAVE by Peter Straughan - Pink Revisions. (27.01.2023) 28.


BELLINI
The Americans will be appalled. How
could we possibly ensure his
safety?

LAWRENCE
Presumably that’s why the Holy
Father wanted it kept secret.
(Beat)
Well it won’t be in pectore now. I
don’t think we have any choice but
to admit him.

He moves to enter the office but Bellini takes his arm. He
stops, turns to Bellini, who seems as surprised as him at his
intervention. For a moment the Italian con tinues to stare at
the newcomer. It’s as if there’s something about Benitez that
Bellini finds obscurely troubling. Then...

BELLINI
(Quietly)
Must we?
(Off Thomas' puzzled look)
Are we sure the Holy Father was
entirely... competent to make this
appointment?

Lawrence stares at him, thinking back to Wozniak’s words,
tempted by the explanation of mental confusion... Bellini
misreads the silence as disapproval.

BELLINI (CONT’D)
Papal infallibility covers
doctrine. It does not extend to
appointments.

LAWRENCE
(Beat)
That man is leg ally a cardinal,
Aldo. He has a right to take part
in the election.
Genres: ["Drama","Mystery"]

Summary In a tense night scene at Casa Santa Marta, Benitez, a cardinal in shabby attire, sits in a kitchen storage area while Lawrence, Bellini, Mandorff, and O'Malley observe him through a glass wall. Bellini questions the legitimacy of having a cardinal in Afghanistan, expressing doubts about the Holy Father's judgment in appointing Benitez. Lawrence defends Benitez's legal status and insists on the necessity of admitting him, highlighting the conflict between skepticism and the gravity of the situation. The scene captures the uncertainty and concern surrounding Benitez's presence, ending with Lawrence affirming Benitez's right to participate in the election.
Strengths
  • Strong character dynamics
  • Intriguing moral dilemmas
  • Tension-building dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Some repetitive dialogue
  • Lack of visual variety in the setting

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene is well-crafted with a strong focus on character dynamics and moral dilemmas, creating tension and intrigue. The introduction of the new cardinal adds depth to the plot and raises important questions about the Pope's decision-making abilities.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of introducing a secret cardinal with a questionable appointment adds depth and complexity to the story, raising moral and ethical dilemmas for the characters to navigate.

Plot: 8.5

The plot is advanced significantly through the introduction of the new cardinal and the resulting tensions among the existing characters. The scene sets up important conflicts and decisions for future developments.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh perspective on the inner workings of the Catholic Church, exploring themes of power, authority, and morality in a unique setting.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters are well-developed and their interactions reveal their conflicting motivations and beliefs. The scene effectively showcases the internal struggles of the protagonist and supporting characters.

Character Changes: 9

The characters undergo significant internal changes as they confront moral dilemmas and make difficult decisions. These changes set the stage for future character development and plot twists.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to navigate the political and ethical implications of admitting the newly appointed cardinal into the election process. This reflects his desire to uphold the integrity of the church while also considering the safety and well-being of the cardinal.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to make a decision on whether to admit the newly appointed cardinal into the election process, considering the potential consequences and reactions from various parties involved.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8.5

The conflict in the scene is primarily internal, as the characters grapple with moral dilemmas and conflicting loyalties. The tension is palpable as decisions with far-reaching consequences are made.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting viewpoints and ethical dilemmas that challenge the characters' beliefs and decisions.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high as the characters grapple with moral dilemmas, questionable appointments, and the future of the conclave. The decisions made in this scene will have far-reaching consequences.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by introducing a new character and setting up important conflicts and decisions that will impact the narrative. It sets the stage for future developments and plot twists.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the moral ambiguity and conflicting viewpoints that create tension and uncertainty about the characters' decisions.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the concept of papal infallibility and the implications of questioning the Holy Father's decision. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs in the established hierarchy and authority of the church.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from suspense and intrigue to moral contemplation. The characters' internal struggles resonate with the audience, creating a strong emotional impact.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is engaging and serves to deepen the characters' relationships and reveal their inner thoughts and conflicts. It effectively drives the scene forward and builds tension.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intriguing premise, complex characters, and high stakes decision-making that keeps the audience invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds suspense and tension, keeping the audience engaged and eager to see how the conflict unfolds.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene adheres to industry standards, making it easy to follow and understand the character dynamics and plot progression.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a structured format that effectively builds tension and conflict through dialogue and character interactions.


Critique
  • The scene effectively introduces Cardinal Benitez and establishes a sense of tension surrounding his unexpected arrival. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtext to enhance the emotional stakes. For instance, Bellini's concerns about Benitez's appointment could be deepened by exploring his personal fears or biases, rather than just presenting them as logistical issues.
  • The pacing of the scene feels slightly rushed, particularly in the transition from Lawrence's explanation to Bellini's intervention. A moment of silence or a beat of hesitation could heighten the tension and allow the audience to absorb the gravity of the situation.
  • The use of the glass wall as a visual barrier is a strong choice, symbolizing the separation between the established cardinals and the newcomer. However, the scene could further utilize visual storytelling to convey the characters' emotions. For example, close-ups on their faces could reveal their apprehension or curiosity about Benitez.
  • Lawrence's dialogue is authoritative, but it lacks a personal connection to the situation. Adding a line that reflects his internal conflict or concern about the implications of admitting Benitez could make his character more relatable and layered.
  • Bellini's character comes across as skeptical, but his motivations could be clearer. Is he concerned about Benitez's safety, or is there an underlying prejudice against someone from a different background? Clarifying his perspective would add depth to the conflict.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment of silence or a pause after Lawrence's line about Benitez's appointment to allow the weight of the situation to sink in for both the characters and the audience.
  • Enhance the emotional stakes by incorporating subtext in the dialogue. For example, Bellini could express a personal anecdote or fear related to Benitez's appointment, making his concerns more relatable.
  • Utilize close-ups or reaction shots to capture the characters' emotions as they observe Benitez. This could help convey their apprehension and curiosity without relying solely on dialogue.
  • Add a line for Lawrence that reflects his internal struggle about admitting Benitez, perhaps hinting at his own doubts about the Holy Father's competence or the implications of this decision.
  • Clarify Bellini's motivations by providing a brief backstory or context for his skepticism. This could be done through a line of dialogue that hints at his past experiences or biases.



Scene 15 -  A Risky Resolve
33 INT. CASA SANTA MARTA - KITCHEN OFFICE - NIGHT 33

Benitez stands as LAWRENCE and Bellini walk in.

LAWRENCE
Welcome to the Vatican, Archbishop.
I’m Father Lawrence, Dean of the
College. This is Father Bellini.
I’m sorry you’ve had to wait. We
had to make checks I’m afraid.
CONCLAVE by Peter Straughan - Pink Revisions. (27.01.2023) 29.


Benitez smoothes a lock of dark hair back from his rather
boyish face.

BENITEZ
It is I who must apologise for such
an unexpected entrance.

BELLINI
(Reluctantly)
Archbishop, forgive me, but I have
to say I think you’ve made a
mistake coming here.

BENITEZ
Why is that, Your Eminence?

Bellini looks between the two men - isn’t it obvious?

BELLINI
I would have thought the position
of Christians in Central Asia w as
perilous enough without you having
been made a cardinal and showing
yourself in Rome.

BENITEZ
I’m aware of the risks.

BELLINI
But now you’re here I don’t see how
you expect to go back.

BENITEZ
I’ll go back. And face the
consequences of my faith, like so
many others.

Bellini tilts a head, as if to say - charming but naive.

BELLINI
Your return will have diplomatic
repercussions and therefore will
not, necessarily, be your decision.

BENITEZ
(Mildly)
Nor yours, Eminence. It will be a
decision for the next Pope.

Bellini opens his mouth and closes it again. Lawrence
examines the fragile looking man, reevaluating. He’s tougher
than he looks.
CONCLAVE by Peter Straughan - Pink Revisions. (27.01.2023) 30.


LAWRENCE
Well, the first thing is to find
you a room. Where’s your luggage?

BENITEZ
I don’t have any.

LAWRENCE
None?

BENITEZ
I thought it best to go to the
airport empty-handed, to disguise
my intentions.

LAWRENCE
(Recovering)
Ray?

O’Malley pops his head in.

LAWRENCE (CONT’D)
His Eminence will require
toiletries, some clean clothes, and
choir dress of course.
(To Benitez)
Monsignor O’Malley will look after
you.

Looking suddenly exhausted, Benitez follows O’Malley out of
the office. Lawrence glances at Bellini, a little puzzled by
his friend’s faint hostility. Bellini shrugs, as if a little
puzzled himself.

BELLINI
(Half-apologetic)
It’s just so...irregular.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary In the kitchen office of Casa Santa Marta at the Vatican, Archbishop Benitez meets with Father Lawrence and Father Bellini. Despite Bellini's concerns about the dangers he faces as a Christian in Central Asia and the diplomatic implications of his presence, Benitez remains resolute in his decision to participate in the election. Lawrence offers to assist him, only to find out that Benitez has no luggage, indicating his intent to disguise his mission. The scene is marked by tension and skepticism, culminating in Benitez's determination to follow his faith as he leaves with Monsignor O'Malley, leaving Lawrence and Bellini puzzled about the irregularity of the situation.
Strengths
  • Effective introduction of a new character
  • Tension and conflict between characters
  • Engaging dialogue and interactions
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue may be too on-the-nose
  • Limited physical action in the scene

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively introduces a new character and sets up conflict and tension among the existing characters. The dialogue is engaging and reveals important information about the characters' beliefs and motivations.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of introducing a new character with a controversial background and exploring the conflicts that arise from his presence is well-executed. The scene effectively sets up future plot developments and character dynamics.

Plot: 8

The plot is advanced through the introduction of Cardinal Benitez and the conflicts that arise from his unexpected arrival. The scene sets up future developments and adds depth to the story.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh perspective on religious and political themes, blending elements of faith, diplomacy, and personal agency. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and nuanced, adding depth to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed and their motivations and beliefs are effectively conveyed through dialogue and interactions. The introduction of Cardinal Benitez adds a new dimension to the existing characters and sets up future conflicts.

Character Changes: 7

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the introduction of Cardinal Benitez and the conflicts that arise from his presence set the stage for potential character development in future scenes.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to assert his faith and determination in the face of opposition and skepticism from Father Bellini. This reflects his deeper need for validation of his beliefs and his desire to stand firm in his convictions.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to navigate the diplomatic and political challenges of his position as a cardinal in Central Asia and to assert his agency in the decision-making process regarding his return.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict between tradition and risk-taking, as well as the tension between the characters due to Cardinal Benitez's unexpected arrival, creates a high level of conflict in the scene. The conflicting beliefs and motivations of the characters add depth to the conflict.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Father Bellini providing a challenging and skeptical perspective that complicates the protagonist's decisions and beliefs. The audience is left uncertain about the outcome of their interactions.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are moderately high in this scene, as the unexpected arrival of Cardinal Benitez creates tension and conflict among the characters. The consequences of his presence and the potential diplomatic repercussions add to the stakes.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing a new character, setting up conflicts and tensions among the existing characters, and foreshadowing future developments. The scene adds depth to the narrative and sets the stage for future plot twists.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the shifting power dynamics, conflicting viewpoints, and uncertain outcomes for the protagonist. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of how the situation will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the clash between the protagonist's unwavering faith and determination and Father Bellini's pragmatic and skeptical view of the situation. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs and values, forcing him to defend his choices and face the consequences.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene has a moderate emotional impact, as the tension and conflict between the characters create a sense of unease and uncertainty. The characters' conflicting beliefs and motivations add emotional depth to the scene.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is engaging and reveals important information about the characters' beliefs, motivations, and conflicts. The tension and conflict are effectively conveyed through the dialogue, keeping the scene dynamic.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense dialogue, complex character dynamics, and moral dilemmas. The audience is drawn into the conflict and uncertainty surrounding the protagonist's decisions and beliefs.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and suspense, with well-timed dialogue exchanges and character interactions. The rhythm of the scene enhances its emotional impact and narrative progression.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and concise, with proper scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting. It adheres to the expected format for its genre, enhancing readability and flow.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with clear character introductions, conflict development, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm of the scene contribute to its effectiveness in building tension and suspense.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes the tension surrounding Cardinal Benitez's unexpected arrival, highlighting the skepticism of Bellini and the contrasting determination of Benitez. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtext to deepen the conflict. For instance, Bellini's reluctance could be more pronounced through his body language or tone, rather than just his words.
  • Benitez's character is introduced as somewhat naive, which is a compelling angle, but the scene could explore his motivations further. Why does he feel compelled to come to Rome despite the risks? Adding a line or two that hints at his personal stakes or a backstory could enhance his depth and make the audience more invested in his character.
  • Lawrence's role as a mediator is clear, but his emotional state could be more vividly portrayed. His puzzlement at Bellini's hostility is a good start, but showing more of his internal conflict about the situation could add layers to his character. Perhaps a brief moment of hesitation or a flash of concern could illustrate his struggle to balance the political implications with his moral obligations.
  • The pacing of the scene feels slightly rushed, particularly in the transition from Benitez's introduction to the logistical concerns about his stay. Allowing for a moment of silence or a reaction shot after Benitez's declaration of facing consequences could heighten the tension and give the audience time to absorb the gravity of the situation.
  • The dialogue is functional but lacks a certain flair that could make it more memorable. Consider incorporating more vivid imagery or metaphors in the exchanges to elevate the stakes and emotional resonance. For example, Bellini's concerns about Benitez's safety could be framed in a more dramatic way, perhaps referencing specific dangers he might face.
Suggestions
  • Add subtext to Bellini's dialogue to convey his skepticism more powerfully, perhaps through physical reactions or a more sarcastic tone.
  • Include a line or two from Benitez that reveals his personal motivations for coming to Rome, which would help the audience connect with him on a deeper level.
  • Show Lawrence's internal conflict more clearly, perhaps through a brief moment of hesitation or a visual cue that indicates his concern about the implications of Benitez's arrival.
  • Slow down the pacing slightly to allow for more dramatic pauses, especially after key lines, to let the weight of the situation sink in for both the characters and the audience.
  • Enhance the dialogue with more vivid imagery or metaphors to make the exchanges more engaging and memorable, particularly in expressing the dangers Benitez faces.



Scene 16 -  Reflections of a Manager
34 INT. CASA SANTA MARTA - CORRIDOR - NIGHT 34

Lawrence walks down the corridor to his room and finds
Adeyemi approaching from the other end. He raises a hand in
g reeting. Both stop at the mid-point of the corridor.

LAWRENCE
We’re neighbours, Joshua.

ADEYEMI
It seems so.

They stand smiling, slightly awkwardly, key cards in hand.
CONCLAVE by Peter Straughan - Pink Revisions. (27.01.2023) 31.


LAWRENCE
(making conversation)
I thought - a little more work on
my homily for tomorrow...

ADEYEMI
Ah, yes of course... I look forward
to it.
(Mock conspiratorial)
I understand the trick is to offend
no-one.

He chuckles at his own joke.

ADEYEMI (CONT’D)
Well...

They nod to each other and both go into their rooms.

35 INT. CASA SANTA MARTA - LAWRENCE'S ROOM - NIGHT 35

Lawrence sits, back to us, hunched over the small de sk,
staring at the shuttered window in front of him, lost in
thought.

From the next room, through the thin walls, he hears the
sound of coughing, a toilet flushing...

He stirs, picks up his pen and resumes work on his sermon.

36 INT. CASA SANTA MARTA - LAWRENCE'S BATHROOM - NIGHT 36

CLOSE ON LAWRENCE - staring at us.

LAWRENCE LAWRENCE
(Italian) I nostri ultimi Papi sono
< Our recent Popes have all stati tutti instancabili
been tireless promoters of promotori di pace e
peace and co-oper ation at the cooperazione a livello
international level. Let us internazionale. Preghiamo che
pray that the future Pope il futuro Papa continui
will continue this ceaseless questa incessante opera di
work of charity and love... > carità e amore...

We realise Lawrence is practicing his sermon in his BATHROOM,
before the m irror.

He stops, feels a twinge of contempt for its bland tone.

He puts the sermon aside, examines the cheap little plastic
wrapped package of razor, tooth brush and toothpaste, fumbles
with it for a moment.
CONCLAVE by Peter Straughan - Pink Revisions. (27.01.2023) 32.


He finally rips it open and its contents fall to the floor.
Lawrence sighs, examines his reflection again for a moment.

LAWRENCE (CONT’D)
You’re a manager.
(Beat)
Manage.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary In a corridor at Casa Santa Marta, Lawrence meets his neighbor Adeyemi, leading to a brief, awkward conversation about Lawrence's upcoming homily. After returning to his room, Lawrence reflects on his sermon, feeling frustrated by its blandness and the pressures of his role. He practices in the bathroom, expressing a desire for the future Pope to promote peace, while grappling with his responsibilities. The scene captures his internal struggle and determination as he contemplates his reflection, reminding himself, 'You’re a manager. Manage.'
Strengths
  • Deep character exploration
  • Emotional depth
  • Atmospheric setting
Weaknesses
  • Lack of external conflict
  • Slow pacing

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively captures Lawrence's internal conflict and sets a contemplative tone for the upcoming events. It provides insight into his character and the weight of his responsibilities.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring Lawrence's inner struggles and doubts amidst the preparations for the conclave is compelling. It adds depth to his character and foreshadows the challenges he will face.

Plot: 8

The plot progression in the scene focuses on character development and sets the stage for the upcoming events. It lays the foundation for the internal and external conflicts to come.

Originality: 8

The scene presents a fresh approach to the familiar theme of self-doubt and inspiration in a religious context, with authentic character actions and dialogue that feel genuine and relatable.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The scene provides insight into Lawrence's character, showcasing his sense of duty, self-reflection, and inner turmoil. It deepens the audience's understanding of him as a protagonist.

Character Changes: 7

Lawrence experiences internal growth and self-reflection in the scene, setting the stage for potential character development in the upcoming events.

Internal Goal: 8

Lawrence's internal goal in this scene is to find inspiration and meaning in his work as a priest, as he struggles with the bland tone of his sermon and his own self-doubt.

External Goal: 6

Lawrence's external goal is to prepare for his sermon and deliver it effectively, reflecting the immediate challenge of connecting with his audience and conveying his message.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

While there is internal conflict within Lawrence, the scene lacks external conflict or high stakes. The tension is more subtle and focused on character development.

Opposition: 6

The opposition in the scene is subtle, with Lawrence facing internal doubts and struggles rather than external obstacles, creating a sense of tension and uncertainty.

High Stakes: 6

The stakes are more internal and personal for Lawrence in this scene, focusing on his sense of duty and self-doubt. The external stakes are not as prominent.

Story Forward: 7

While the scene primarily focuses on character development, it subtly moves the story forward by establishing key themes and conflicts. It sets the stage for the narrative to unfold.

Unpredictability: 6

This scene is unpredictable in its emotional depth and character development, keeping the audience engaged and curious about the characters' inner journeys.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between Lawrence's desire to inspire and connect with his audience through his sermon, and his own self-doubt and contempt for the bland tone of his writing.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a sense of empathy and connection with Lawrence's struggles, creating an emotional resonance with the audience. It sets a poignant tone for the narrative.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue in the scene is introspective and reflective, mirroring Lawrence's internal thoughts. It effectively conveys his emotions and struggles.

Engagement: 8

This scene is engaging because it delves into the characters' inner struggles and emotions, drawing the audience into their world and creating a sense of empathy and connection.

Pacing: 7

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by allowing moments of introspection and emotional depth to resonate with the audience, creating a sense of tension and anticipation.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 7

The formatting of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear action lines and dialogue formatting that enhance readability.

Structure: 7

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene transitions and a focus on character development and introspection.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes a sense of camaraderie and tension between Lawrence and Adeyemi, but it feels somewhat underdeveloped. The dialogue is light and lacks the depth that could reflect the weight of the situation they are in, especially considering the impending conclave and the secrets they are both grappling with.
  • The transition from the corridor to Lawrence's room is a bit abrupt. While it serves to show Lawrence's introspection, the shift could be smoother to maintain the emotional flow. The audience might benefit from a brief moment that connects the two spaces, perhaps a lingering thought or a visual cue that ties the two scenes together.
  • Lawrence's internal conflict is hinted at but not fully explored in this scene. The moment where he feels contempt for the blandness of his sermon could be expanded to show more of his emotional state. This would help the audience connect with his character on a deeper level, especially given the high stakes of the conclave.
  • The use of the bathroom as a setting for practicing the sermon is an interesting choice, but it could be more symbolic. The bathroom is often associated with vulnerability and personal reflection, and this could be emphasized further to highlight Lawrence's internal struggle with his role and the expectations placed upon him.
  • The dialogue between Lawrence and Adeyemi, while humorous, could benefit from a more serious undertone. Given the context of their situation, a deeper conversation about their fears or hopes regarding the conclave could add layers to their relationship and the overall narrative.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a line or two of subtext in the conversation between Lawrence and Adeyemi that hints at their shared concerns about the conclave, which would deepen their connection and the stakes of the situation.
  • Introduce a brief moment of hesitation or reflection for Lawrence as he walks to his room, perhaps recalling a significant moment from his past that relates to his current feelings about the papacy. This could serve to enrich his character and provide context for his internal conflict.
  • Expand on Lawrence's feelings of contempt for his sermon. Perhaps he could express frustration aloud, or we could see him crumple the paper or throw it away, emphasizing his struggle with the expectations of his role.
  • Incorporate a visual motif that symbolizes Lawrence's internal conflict, such as a reflection in the bathroom mirror that shows him in a moment of doubt or uncertainty, reinforcing the theme of self-examination.
  • Consider adding a moment where Lawrence hears something from Adeyemi's room that triggers a memory or thought, creating a more seamless transition into his introspection and enhancing the emotional weight of the scene.



Scene 17 -  A Tense Gathering at Casa Santa Marta
37 INT. CASA SANTA MARTA - DINING ROOM - NIGHT 37

CLOSE ON SISTER AGNES

...a watchful silent presence, as ever. She monitors the nuns
as they fan through the...

...LARGE ROOM running down one side of the lobby. White
marble floors, tables set for dinner, the din of conversation
from the assembled cardinals. It could be a business
convention.

Her gaze lands on the Americans seated at one table, talking
loudly. Tremblay in the middle, joking and laughing with
them.

Lawrence takes a knife and glass and raps it for attention.
The room gradually falls silent except for Cardinal
KRASINSKI, the arch-conservative Archbishop Emeritus of
Chicago who continues speaking loudly until he is hushed by
his neighbours, and adjusts his hearing-aid, resulting in an
electronic howl that causes them to wince.

Benitez standing alone, apart.

LAWRENCE
Your Eminences, before we eat I
should like to introduce a new
member of our order, whose
existence was not known to any of
us until a few hours ago.
(Raising a hand to the
stir of surprise)
This is because our brother was
made a cardinal by a perfectly
legitimate procedure known as
creation in pectore. The reason why
it had to be done this way is known
only to God and to the late Holy
Father. But I think we can guess
well enough as our new brother’s
ministry is an extremely dangerous
one.
(MORE)
CONCLAVE by Peter Straughan - Pink Revisions. (27.01.2023) 33.
LAWRENCE (CONT’D)
It has not been an easy journey for
him to join us but now, by the
Grace of God a brotherhood of one
hundred and seven has become one
hundred and eight. Welcome to our
order, Vincent Benitez, Cardinal
Archbishop of Kabul.

A general sense of mystification from his audience. He begins
to applaud and for a painful moment he is the only one
clapping. Gradually the others join in.

LAWRENCE (CONT’D)
Would you bles s our meal, Eminence?

Benitez looks alarmed at the prospect but nods. The cardinals
lower their heads, eyes closed.

BENITEZ
Bless us, O Lord, and these Your
gifts which we are about to receive
from Your bounty.

Several of the cardinals begin to make the sign of the cross,
presuming this is the end.

BENITEZ (CONT’D) BENITEZ (CONT’D)
(in Spanish) Bendice también a todos
Bless too, all those who aquellos que no pueden
cannot share this meal. And compartir esta comida con
help us, O Lord, as we eat nosotros. Y, mientras comemos
and drink, to remember the y bebemos, ayúdanos Señor a
hungry, the thirsty, the sick recordar a los que pasan
and the lonely, and those hambre, a los que están
sisters who prepared this sedientos, a los enfermos y a
food for us. Through Christ los que están solos, y a las
Our Lord, Amen. herma nas que nos han
preparado esta comida. Por *
Cristo Nuestro Señor, Amén.

A rumble of Amens and the Sisters begin to serve the meal.
Lawrence leads Benitez over to a table with Asian cardinals
then heads on himself towards Bellini.

TEDESCO TEDESCO
(Italian) Decano!
< Dean! >

With dismay Lawrence finds himself beside the Patriarch of
Venice’s table. Tedesco indicates an empty seat.

TEDESCO (CONT’D) TEDESCO (CONT’D)
(Italian) Prendete del vino.
< Take s ome wine. >
CONCLAVE by Peter Straughan - Pink Revisions. (27.01.2023) 33A.


Lawrence reluctantly sits and accepts the glass. Tedesco
observes him as he continues to eat with gusto.
CONCLAVE by Peter Straughan - Pink Revisions. (27.01.2023) 34.


TEDESCO (CONT’D) TEDESCO (CONT’D)
(Italian) Sembrate ansioso. E non
< You look anxious. And we abbiamo nemmeno iniziato.
haven’t even begun yet. > (Chewing)
(Chewing) Our new brother.. ho capito
< Our new brother...did I bene? ”Afghanistan”?
hear correctly? Afghanistan?>

LAWRENCE LAWRENCE
(Italian) Sì.
< I did. >

He looks around the dining room.

LAWRENCE (CONT’D) LAWRENCE (CONT’D)
(Italian) Una meravigliosa
< A marvellous testament to testimonianza della Chiesa
the Universal Church, don’t universale, non crede? Tanti
you think ? So many men of uomini di culture e razze
different cultures, races, diverse, legati dalla fede in
bound together by their faith Dio.
in God. >

Tedesco grunts in amusement as he eats.

TEDESCO TEDESCO
(Italian) Guardate bene. Notate come *
< Look again. Notice how tutti hanno gravitato intorno
everyone has gravitated to ai loro connazionali. Noi
their fellow countrymen. i taliani di qua... gli
Italians over here... Spanish spagnoli di là... gli inglesi
speakers ther e...English di là... ‘divided by *
there... Divided by language. language’. Quando eravamo
When we were boys and the ragazzi e la Messa tridentina
Tridentine Mass was still the era ancora la liturgia del
liturgy of the world - we mondo, avremmo parlato tutti
would all have been speaking latino. Ma poi i vostri
Latin. But then your fellow colleghi liberali hanno
liberals insisted we get rid insistito perché ci
of that “dead” language. You liberassimo di quella lingua
say “Universal” Church, but "morta". Lei dice “universal *
we have become a church”, ma semmai siamo *
confederation at best. > diventati una confederazione.

LAWRENCE
(in English)
The church i s evolving, Goffredo.

TEDESCO
(in English)
Disintegrating.
CONCLAVE by Peter Straughan - Pink Revisions. (27.01.2023) 34A.


Tedesco’s fellow traditionalists at the table are staring
stonily at Lawrence, as if holding him personally
responsible.
CONCLAVE by Peter Straughan - Pink Revisions. (27.01.2023) 35.


TEDESCO (CONT’D) TEDESCO (CONT’D)
(Italian) Un altro Santo Padre come
< Another Holy Father like l'ultimo e la nostra Madre
the last one and our Mother Chiesa cesserà di esistere.
the Church will cease to Senza Roma, senza la
exist. Without Rome, without tradizione di Roma...
the tradition of Rome... > (changes to English)
(changes to English) ... “things fall apart, the
... “things fall apart, the centre cannot hold.”
centre cannot hold.”


LAWRENCE
So... what? The next Pope must be
Italian?

TEDESCO TEDESCO
(Italian) Sono più di quarant'anni che
< We haven’t had an Italian non abbiamo un Papa italiano.
Pope for more than forty Può seriamente immaginare
years. Can you seriously l’alternativa? Abyssus *
imagine the alternative? > abyssum invocat.

His gaze slides to the table of African cardinals, Adeyemi in
the middle. This is too much.

LAWRENCE LAWRENCE
(Italian) Scusatemi, devo fare il giro
< Excuse me. I must circulate tra i nostri Confratelli.
amongst our colleagues. >

He stands, bows his head to the circle of hostile faces and
walks off.
Genres: ["Drama","Political","Religious"]

Summary During a dinner at Casa Santa Marta, Sister Agnes observes the lively yet chaotic atmosphere among the cardinals, particularly the loud Americans at one table. Lawrence introduces Vincent Benitez as a new cardinal, who nervously blesses the meal in both English and Spanish. Tension arises when Tedesco expresses skepticism about the church's evolution and the absence of an Italian pope, clashing with Lawrence's progressive views. As the meal progresses, Lawrence feels the hostility from traditionalists and decides to circulate among the other cardinals, leaving the conflict unresolved.
Strengths
  • Effective introduction of a new character
  • Engaging dialogue revealing tensions and power dynamics
  • Setting up potential conflicts within the Church hierarchy
Weaknesses
  • Limited emotional impact
  • Lack of significant character changes

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively introduces a new character and sets up potential conflicts within the Church, creating tension and intrigue. The dialogue is engaging and reveals underlying tensions and power dynamics.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of introducing a new cardinal and exploring the internal dynamics of the Church is well-developed and adds depth to the overall story. The scene effectively sets up future conflicts and character arcs.

Plot: 8

The plot progresses by introducing a new character and setting up potential conflicts within the Church hierarchy. The scene adds layers to the story and sets the stage for future developments.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh approach to exploring power dynamics within the Catholic Church, with a focus on internal and external goals of the protagonist. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters are well-defined, with distinct personalities and motivations. The interactions between characters reveal underlying tensions and power struggles, adding depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 7

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the introduction of Cardinal Benitez and the revelations about the Church hierarchy hint at potential character arcs and transformations in the future.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to navigate the complex relationships and power dynamics within the Church, while also grappling with the evolving nature of the institution. This reflects his desire for unity and tradition, as well as his fear of disintegration and change.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to introduce a new member of the order and maintain order during the dinner. This reflects the immediate challenge of managing a diverse group of cardinals and maintaining the appearance of unity.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The scene has a moderate level of conflict, primarily stemming from the tensions between characters, traditionalist views, and the introduction of a new cardinal. The conflicts set the stage for future developments.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting ideologies and power dynamics creating obstacles for the protagonist.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are moderately high in the scene, as the introduction of Cardinal Benitez and the tensions within the Church hierarchy hint at potential power struggles and conflicts that could have significant consequences.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing a new character, setting up conflicts, and deepening the understanding of the Church dynamics. It adds complexity to the narrative and sets the stage for future plot developments.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected interactions and conflicts that arise between characters, keeping the audience engaged.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between tradition and evolution within the Catholic Church. The protagonist represents the evolving nature of the Church, while Tedesco represents the traditionalists who fear change and disintegration.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7.5

The scene evokes a sense of intrigue and tension, but the emotional impact is not as pronounced. The focus is more on setting up conflicts and character dynamics.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is engaging and reveals the complexities of the Church hierarchy, language barriers, and traditionalist views. It effectively conveys tension and sets up potential conflicts.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the tension and power dynamics between characters, as well as the exploration of philosophical conflicts within the Church.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, leading to a climactic moment of conflict between characters.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and follows the expected format for a screenplay, with proper scene headings and character actions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a dramatic and tense dinner setting, with clear character interactions and dialogue.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes the tension surrounding Cardinal Benitez's unexpected introduction, highlighting the skepticism of the other cardinals, particularly Tedesco. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtext to convey the underlying power dynamics and personal stakes involved in the introduction of a new cardinal, especially one from a controversial background.
  • Lawrence's speech is informative but lacks emotional weight. While he explains the significance of Benitez's appointment, the scene could be enhanced by incorporating more personal anecdotes or reflections from Lawrence that reveal his own struggles with the Church's evolving nature and the implications of Benitez's presence.
  • The humor introduced through Tedesco's character is a nice touch, but it feels somewhat disconnected from the overall tension of the scene. Balancing humor with the gravity of the situation could create a more cohesive tone. Tedesco's comments could be more biting or sarcastic to reflect the seriousness of the conclave's stakes.
  • The visual elements, such as Sister Agnes's watchful presence and the contrasting reactions of the cardinals, are effective in setting the atmosphere. However, the scene could benefit from more dynamic staging, such as physical interactions or movements that reflect the characters' emotional states, rather than relying solely on dialogue.
  • The ending, where Lawrence decides to circulate among the cardinals, feels abrupt. It would be more impactful if it included a moment of internal conflict or reflection, allowing the audience to see how the conversation with Tedesco affects Lawrence's mindset moving forward.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment where Lawrence reflects on his own feelings about Benitez's appointment before introducing him, which would deepen the audience's understanding of his character and the stakes involved.
  • Incorporate more subtext in the dialogue, allowing characters to imply their true feelings rather than stating them outright. This could create a richer, more engaging interaction among the cardinals.
  • Enhance the humor from Tedesco by making his comments more pointed and relevant to the current situation, ensuring they resonate with the tension in the room.
  • Introduce more physicality in the scene, such as characters shifting in their seats or exchanging glances, to visually convey the tension and discomfort among the cardinals.
  • Expand the final moment of the scene to include a brief internal monologue from Lawrence, reflecting on the implications of the conversation and his next steps, which would provide a smoother transition to the following scene.



Scene 18 -  The Weight of Ambition
38 INT. CASA SANTA MARTA - AULA - NIGHT 38

Lawrence sits with Bellini and his circle of liberal
supporters, having a coffee after their meal.

LAWRENCE
I’ll give him this, he clearly has
no i ntention of tempering his views
to win votes.

CARDINAL SABBADIN
It was shrewd of him to stay away
from Rome until today. One
outspoken newspaper interview could
have written Tedesco off. Instead,
he will do well tomorrow, I think.

LAWRENCE
Define “well.”
CONCLAVE by Peter Straughan - Pink Revisions. (27.01.2023) 36.


Sabbadin rocks his head from side to side, appraising.

CARDINAL SABBADIN
I’d say he’s worth fifteen votes in
the first ballot.

LAWRENCE
And your man?

Bellini looks pained as Sabbadin studies him in the same
thoughtful way.

BELLINI
Why do I feel like a cow being
priced by the farmer?

CARDINAL SABBADIN
(Ignoring this)
First ballot? Between twenty and
twenty-five. But it’s tomorrow
night that the real work b egins.
Somehow we have to get him a two-
thirds majority.

BELLINI
By real work, you mean - what,
exactly?

CARDINAL LANDOLFI
Your Eminence, those who seek the
papacy...

BELLINI
(Irritated)
I don’t “seek” the papacy. I...

He is interrupted as the door opens and a Sister comes to
pick up a tray of empty coffee cups. The men sit in
uncomfortable silence until the nun has moved on.

CARDINAL VILLANUEVA
Listen you don’t have to do
anything, leave it to us. But if
they ask us what you stand for...?

BELLINI
Tell them I stand for a common-
sense approach to issues such as
gays, or divorce. Tell them I stand
for never returning to the days of
the Latin liturgy, families of ten
children because Mamma and Papa
know no better.
(MORE)
CONCLAVE by Peter Straughan - Pink Revisions. (27.01.2023) 37.
BELLINI (CONT’D)
It was an ugly, repressive time and
I’m glad it’s over. Tell them I
stand for respecting other faiths,
tolerating other views within our
own Church. And tell them I believe
women should play more of a role
within the Curia...

Sabbadin winces, sucks his teeth.

CARDINAL SABBADIN
Let’s... let’s not mention women.

BELLINI
Brother, I have no intention of
concealing my views or pretending
to be anything oth er than I am in
order to try and sway any of our
number who are undecided. So if you
are going to canvas on my behalf,
make sure my message is clear...
Tell them that I stand for
everything Tedesco does not.
(Beat)
Now, if you’ll excuse me...

He stands up and leaves. Sabbadin sighs, polishes his
glasses.

CARDINAL SABBADIN
Rocco, you talk to the Americans.
Villanueva, I’ll leave the South
Americans to you. Gianmarco, you
take the Africans. And, obviously,
no mention of women.

Lawrence watches Bellini walk away, feeling a stab of pity
for him.

LAWRENCE
He doesn’t want this. Any of it.
You know that don’t you?

CARDINAL SABBADIN
Of course. That’s why I support
him. The men who are dangerous are
the ones who actively desire it.

Lawrence ponders on this.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary In a tense gathering at Casa Santa Marta, Lawrence, Cardinal Sabbadin, and Bellini discuss the upcoming papal election. Sabbadin predicts the candidates' chances, while Bellini expresses his reluctance to pursue the papacy due to his progressive beliefs. After a brief interruption, Bellini leaves the group, standing firm in his convictions. Sabbadin assigns tasks to the other cardinals, highlighting the political maneuvering at play, while Lawrence voices concern for Bellini's situation. The scene concludes with Sabbadin reflecting on the dangers posed by those who actively seek the papacy.
Strengths
  • Sharp dialogue
  • Complex character dynamics
  • Tension-filled atmosphere
Weaknesses
  • Occasional lack of clarity in character motivations

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively captures the complex dynamics and conflicting emotions of the characters as they navigate the high-stakes environment of the papal conclave. The dialogue is sharp and reveals the inner turmoil of the characters, setting the stage for significant developments.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring the behind-the-scenes machinations of the papal conclave is compelling and offers insight into the power struggles and moral dilemmas faced by the characters. The scene effectively conveys the complexity of the situation and the conflicting interests at play.

Plot: 8.5

The plot advances significantly in this scene as the characters discuss their strategies and alliances for the upcoming conclave. It sets the stage for key developments and reveals the underlying tensions that will drive the narrative forward.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces fresh perspectives on political maneuvering and power dynamics within the Catholic Church. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and contribute to the overall authenticity of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters are well-developed and their conflicting motivations and beliefs are effectively portrayed. The scene allows for insight into their personalities and sets up potential character arcs that will unfold during the conclave.

Character Changes: 8

The scene sets the stage for potential character growth and transformation, particularly for Bellini, as he grapples with his reluctance to pursue the papacy. The internal conflicts and revelations hint at significant changes to come for the characters.

Internal Goal: 8

Lawrence's internal goal in this scene is to understand the true desires and motivations of the characters involved in the papal election. He seeks to uncover the authenticity behind their actions and words, reflecting his deeper need for truth and transparency in a world filled with political maneuvering and deception.

External Goal: 7.5

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to navigate the political landscape of the papal election and potentially influence the outcome through his interactions with the other characters.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8.5

The scene is filled with internal and external conflicts as the characters navigate the political landscape of the Vatican and confront their personal beliefs and ambitions. The tension between loyalty, ambition, and morality creates a compelling dynamic.

Opposition: 7.5

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting agendas and motivations creating obstacles for the protagonist and other characters. The audience is left uncertain about the outcome of the papal election.

High Stakes: 9

The high stakes of the papal conclave are palpable in the scene, as the characters strategize and maneuver for power and influence. The outcome of the conclave will have far-reaching consequences, adding urgency and tension to the proceedings.

Story Forward: 9

The scene propels the story forward by establishing key conflicts, alliances, and motivations that will drive the narrative during the papal conclave. It sets the stage for significant developments and hints at the power struggles to come.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the shifting power dynamics and conflicting motivations of the characters. The audience is kept on edge as they try to anticipate the outcome of the papal election.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the tension between authenticity and manipulation in the pursuit of power. Bellini's refusal to compromise his beliefs and Lawrence's quest for truth challenge the traditional values and strategies employed by the other characters.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from tension and uncertainty to empathy and pity for the characters. The internal struggles and high stakes of the papal conclave resonate with the audience, drawing them into the emotional complexity of the narrative.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is sharp, engaging, and reveals the inner thoughts and conflicts of the characters. It drives the scene forward and adds depth to the interactions, showcasing the complexities of the relationships within the Vatican hierarchy.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its tense atmosphere, sharp dialogue, and complex character dynamics. The audience is drawn into the political intrigue and moral dilemmas faced by the characters.

Pacing: 8.5

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and suspense, with well-timed reveals and character interactions driving the narrative forward.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene adheres to the standard format for a screenplay, with clear scene descriptions and character dialogue.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a dialogue-heavy political drama, with clear character motivations and conflicts driving the narrative forward.


Critique
  • The dialogue effectively captures the tension and political maneuvering within the conclave, showcasing the differing perspectives of the cardinals. However, the scene could benefit from more distinct character voices to enhance individuality and make their motivations clearer.
  • Bellini's reluctance to seek the papacy is a strong character trait, but the scene could delve deeper into his internal conflict. Adding a moment of vulnerability or self-doubt could create a stronger emotional connection with the audience.
  • The pacing of the scene feels slightly uneven, particularly during the dialogue exchanges. Some lines could be trimmed or rephrased for a more natural flow, allowing the tension to build more effectively.
  • The introduction of the Sister collecting coffee cups serves as a moment of levity, but it disrupts the flow of the conversation. This interruption could be reworked to maintain the tension while still providing a brief comic relief.
  • The scene ends on a contemplative note with Lawrence's observation about Bellini, which is effective. However, it could be strengthened by showing Lawrence's emotional response more vividly, perhaps through a physical action or a more explicit internal thought.
Suggestions
  • Consider giving each character a unique speech pattern or catchphrase to differentiate their voices more clearly, making it easier for the audience to follow who is speaking.
  • Explore Bellini's internal struggle further by incorporating a flashback or a brief moment of reflection that reveals his past experiences or fears regarding the papacy.
  • Revise the dialogue for smoother transitions between lines, ensuring that the rhythm of the conversation feels more organic and less stilted.
  • Reassess the timing of the Sister's entrance; perhaps she could enter at a moment of heightened tension, allowing for a more impactful interruption that adds to the scene rather than detracts from it.
  • Enhance the emotional weight of the scene's conclusion by including a visual cue or a physical reaction from Lawrence that reflects his concern for Bellini, such as a lingering gaze or a sigh.



Scene 19 -  Shadows of Allegation
39 INT. CASA SANTA MARTA - TREMBLAY’S ROOM - NIGHT 39

Darkness. Silence.
CONCLAVE by Peter Straughan - Pink Revisions. (27.01.2023) 38.


Then a door opens, a switch is flicked and Tremblay’s room
glares into light. It’s a suite, like the Pope’s.

TREMBLAY
(Letting Lawrence in)
I’m enjoying the mystery Thomas but
I suppose you should tell me what
you want to talk about?

Lawrence hesitates, but the sooner he gets this over with the
sooner they can put it behind them.

LAWRENCE
Your last meeting with the Holy
Father.

TREMBLAY
Uhuh? What about it?

LAWRENCE
I’ve been told it was difficult.
Was it?

TREMBLAY
(Surprised)
Difficult? No? Not that I can
recall.

Lawrence hesitates again.

LAWRENCE
I’m sorry to have to ask this, Joe,
but... To be specific, I was told
that the Holy Father demanded your
resignation.

Tremblay looks genuinely shocked.

TREMBLAY
(Beat)
That’s absurd. I don’t know what...
who told you?

LAWRENCE
(Beat)
Archbishop Wozniak.

TREMBLAY
(Beat )
Why would he say such a thing?

LAWRENCE
So, there isn’t any truth in the
allegation?
CONCLAVE by Peter Straughan - Pink Revisions. (27.01.2023) 39.


TREMBLAY
God, no, of course not! It’s
absurd. You didn’t think...?

LAWRENCE
I had to ask.

TREMBLAY
No, I understand, of course. But,
no.
(A sudden thought)
You can ask Monsignor Morales. He
was at the meeting.

LAWRENCE
I would but at the moment we happen
to be sequestered.

Tremblay shakes his head, walks to the coffee machine.

LAWRENCE (CONT’D)
Can you think of any reason why
Archbishop Wozniak would circulate
such a story?

TREMBLAY
I can’t. I really...coffee?
(Lawrence shakes his head)
I’m quite... I’m shocked.
He told you this himself?

Lawrence nods. Tremblay shakes his head again, raises a
baffled hand. He collects his coffee, stares at it.

TREMBLAY (CONT’D)
Do you think...?

He hesitates, embarrassed.

LAWRENCE
What?

Tremblay looks up at him, a little guiltily.

TREMBLAY
The drinking? (Beat) I don’t like
to bring it up, but w e both know
his drinking has been getting
heavier and perhaps it’s affecting
his judgement, his mind even? I
know my name has been mentioned as
a future Pope and if the Archbishop
does not approve of the idea then
perhaps...
CONCLAVE by Peter Straughan - Pink Revisions. (27.01.2023) 40.


He waves a hand again, embarrassed.

TREMBLAY (CONT’D)
I don’t know. I’m just trying to
make sense of... and I know the
poor man was shattered by the Holy
Father’s death.

He finishes his espresso. Lawrence is desperate for this to
be over.

LAWRENCE
Yes. Indeed. Again, Joe, my
apologies for...

TREMBLAY
No, not at all. I quite understand.

They head for the door. Then to his own surprise, Lawrence
says...

LAWRENCE
What did you discuss with the Holy
Father in that final meeting?

Tremblay blinks. When he answers his manner is a little
cooler - as if the insult of the accusation has just caught
up with him.

TREMBLAY
Forgive me, but it was a private
conversation, Thomas. And very
precious. The last words I
exchanged with the Holy Father.

Beat. Then Lawrence inclines his head.

LAWRENCE
I quite understand.

Tremblay open s the door in silence, waits for Lawrence to
step out the room then switches off the brilliant lights,
closes the door plunging us into darkness.

We HOLD in the black...


40 OMITTED 40
CONCLAVE by Peter Straughan - Pink Revisions. (27.01.2023) 41.
Genres: ["Drama","Mystery"]

Summary In Tremblay's room at Casa Santa Marta, Lawrence confronts him about a troubling allegation that the Pope demanded his resignation. Tremblay, shocked and defensive, denies the claim and suggests that Archbishop Wozniak's drinking may have clouded his judgment. The tension escalates as Tremblay insists on the sanctity of his private conversation with the Holy Father. The scene culminates with Tremblay turning off the lights and closing the door, leaving the audience in darkness and suspense.
Strengths
  • Effective tension-building
  • Strong character dynamics
  • Revealing dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Limited physical action
  • Reliance on dialogue for exposition

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene is well-structured, with a strong focus on character dynamics and the revelation of a significant accusation. It effectively builds tension and sets the stage for further developments.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring an accusation within the Vatican hierarchy adds depth to the narrative and introduces a new layer of conflict. It raises questions about trust and loyalty among the characters.

Plot: 8.5

The plot of the scene is engaging and significant, as it introduces a potential scandal that could have far-reaching consequences. It adds complexity to the story and sets up future conflicts.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh approach to the theme of power dynamics within the Vatican, exploring the complexities of loyalty, trust, and personal integrity. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and nuanced, adding depth to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-developed, with distinct personalities and motivations. The interaction between Lawrence and Tremblay reveals their conflicting perspectives and adds depth to their relationship.

Character Changes: 7

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the revelation of the accusation prompts a shift in the dynamics between Lawrence and Tremblay, setting the stage for potential developments.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to uncover the truth behind the allegations of the Holy Father demanding Tremblay's resignation. This reflects Lawrence's need for clarity, honesty, and resolution in a difficult situation.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to navigate the delicate conversation with Tremblay and gather information about the meeting with the Holy Father. This reflects Lawrence's immediate challenge of confronting a sensitive issue without causing further conflict.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict in the scene is primarily internal, as the characters navigate suspicions and uncertainties within their own circle. The accusation creates a sense of unease and distrust.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting narratives, hidden agendas, and emotional stakes at play. The audience is left uncertain about the characters' true intentions and the outcome of the conversation.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in this scene, as the accusation could have serious repercussions for the characters involved and the Vatican as a whole. It adds a sense of urgency and tension to the narrative.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by introducing a new conflict and raising questions about the characters' motives and loyalties. It sets the stage for future revelations and developments.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists in the conversation, the revelation of new information, and the shifting dynamics between the characters. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of how the situation will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the themes of truth, trust, and power. The protagonist must navigate the complexities of loyalty, honesty, and personal integrity in a situation where conflicting narratives are at play.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene elicits a range of emotions, including shock, suspicion, and tension. The revelation of the accusation adds depth to the characters and raises the stakes for the upcoming events.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is sharp and impactful, driving the scene forward and revealing crucial information. It effectively conveys the characters' emotions and the escalating tension.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its suspenseful atmosphere, complex character dynamics, and intriguing dialogue. The audience is drawn into the mystery and tension of the conversation, eager to uncover the truth.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a gradual build-up of tension, strategic pauses in dialogue, and a climactic revelation towards the end. The rhythm of the scene enhances its emotional impact and narrative progression.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene descriptions, character actions, and dialogue cues. The formatting enhances the readability and flow of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a structured format that effectively builds tension, reveals information gradually, and maintains a sense of mystery. The dialogue and character interactions flow naturally, contributing to the scene's effectiveness.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension through the dialogue between Lawrence and Tremblay, highlighting the stakes involved in the papal election and the potential implications of Tremblay's past interactions with the Holy Father. However, the pacing feels slightly uneven; the initial exchanges are engaging, but the latter part of the scene drags as Tremblay's justifications become repetitive.
  • Tremblay's character is portrayed as defensive and somewhat evasive, which adds to the tension. However, his motivations could be clearer. The audience might benefit from a deeper insight into his character—what drives his ambition, and how does he truly feel about the allegations? This would create a more compelling conflict.
  • The use of darkness and light at the beginning and end of the scene is a strong visual metaphor, symbolizing the hidden truths and the weight of the conversation. However, the transition into darkness at the end could be more impactful if it were tied to a specific emotional beat or revelation, rather than just a physical action.
  • The dialogue is generally well-written, but some lines feel overly expository, particularly when Lawrence asks about the allegations. Instead of directly stating the accusation, consider using subtext to convey the tension and suspicion, allowing the audience to infer the stakes without being explicitly told.
  • The scene could benefit from more physical action or visual cues to break up the dialogue-heavy exchanges. For instance, incorporating more gestures or movements could enhance the emotional weight of the conversation and keep the audience visually engaged.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment where Tremblay reflects on his relationship with the Holy Father, perhaps revealing a personal anecdote that adds depth to his character and the gravity of the situation.
  • Introduce a visual element that symbolizes the tension, such as a clock ticking in the background, to emphasize the urgency of the conversation and the impending conclave.
  • Explore the possibility of Lawrence showing more emotional vulnerability during the conversation, perhaps revealing his own doubts or fears about the election, which could create a stronger connection with the audience.
  • Revise some of the dialogue to incorporate more subtext, allowing the characters to imply their feelings rather than stating them outright. This can create a more engaging and layered conversation.
  • Consider ending the scene with a more dramatic or ambiguous note, perhaps with a lingering shot on Lawrence's face as he processes Tremblay's words, leaving the audience with a sense of uncertainty about the truth.



Scene 20 -  A Moment of Clarity
41 INT. CASA SANTA MARTA - LAWRENCE'S ROOM - NIGHT 41

Lawrence wakes suddenly. From the next room comes the sound
of stentorian snoring. He tries to screen it out. But sleep
seems impossible now. He sits up in bed.

42 INT. CASA SANTA MARTA - GYM - NIGHT 42

Lawrence walks on the treadmill, the only figure in the large
room. He stares at his reflection in the mirrored wall as he
speed walks, listening to the h ypnotic thrum, thrum of the
treadmill.

TITLE CARD: FIRST DAY OF CONCLAVE

43 EXT. CASA SANTA MARTA - COURTYARD - MORNING 43

HIGH ANGLE - from the top of the balcony. The courtyard below
is a sea of red: cardinals robed for the coming service.

Lawrence stands staring down at them, an air of trepidation
behind the eyes. Below a single nun in blue is lost among the
red.

FATHER HAAS (O.S.)
Your Eminence?

Behind him Father Haas has appeared in the hall. Lawrence
blinks out of his thoughts.

44 INT. CASA SANTA MARTA - SIDE ROOM - MORNING 44

Haas is robing Lawrence, fussing around like a tailor,
adjusting the heavy red chasuble. He places the tall, white
mitre on Lawrence’s head, stands back to survey its angle
critically. He hands Lawrence the crozier - a golden
Shepherd’s crook.

FATHER HAAS
How does it feel, Your Eminence?

LAWRENCE
Good. Thank you.

We hear the chanting of the Gospel of St John...
CONCLAVE by Peter Straughan - Pink Revisions. (27.01.2023) 42.

45 INT. “ROOM OF CARDINALS” - MORNING 45

A bare space. Lawrence looks out at the rows of the
congregation that have been crammed into the room: the red of
the cardinals, purple of the Bishops, white of the Priests...
They sit and stand in front of him.

Lawrence sits, clutching the sermon in his lap, hiding the
turmoil going on inside him. His gaze flits across the ranks
of cardinals, finding the main co ntenders: Adeyemi, Bellini,
Tremblay and finally Tedesco. Haas appears in front of him
and removes the mitre, catches something in the Dean’s
expression as he does so.

FATHER HAAS
(Concerned, softly)
Are you well, Eminence?

LAWRENCE
I’m fine.

The choir comes to an end.

ON THE MICROPHONE - as Lawrence steps in front of it. For a
moment he stares out over the room of faces. He stares down
at the pages of h omily. The moment hangs until there’s a
faint stirring of unease. Finally...

LAWRENCE (CONT’D) LAWRENCE (CONT’D)
(Reading, Italian) Cari fratelli in Cristo, in
< Dear Brothers in Christ, at questo momento di grande
this moment of great incertezza nella storia della
uncertainty in the history of Santa Chiesa d obbiamo pensare
the Holy Church we must think innanzitutto al defunto Santo
first of the late Holy Father Padre, il cui brillante
whose brilliant pontificate pontificato è stato un dono
was a gift from God. > di Dio.

A murmur of approval from the congregation.

LAWRENCE (CONT’D) LAWRENCE (CONT’D)
< Now we must ask our Lord to Ora dobbiamo chiedere a
send us a new Holy Father n ostro Signore di mandarci un
through the pastoral nuovo Santo Padre attraverso
solicitude of the cardinal la sollecitudine pastorale
fathers and we must pray to dei padri cardinali e
God for that loving dobbiamo pregare Dio per
assistance and ask Him to questa amorevole assistenza e
guide us to the right chiedere la sua guida nel
choice.> compiere la scelta giusta.

He looks out at his audience, his gaze once more falling on
Tedesco watching him with a faint complacent smile.
CONCLAVE by Peter Straughan - Pink Revisions. (27.01.2023) 43.


He turns the page, scans the text, and the next page...
platitudes, platitudes...

Suddenly he puts the sermon aside. For the first time in days
he feels calm.

LAWRENCE (CONT’D)
(In English)
But you all know that.

There is some surprised laughter.

LAWRENCE (CONT’D)
Let me speak from the heart for the
moment.

Now there’s a definite stirring of alarm amongst the
cardinals.

LAWRENCE (CONT’D)
St Paul said “Be subject to one
another out of reverence for
Christ.” To work together, and grow
together, we must be tolerant.

The room is entirely still now...

INTERCUT WITH:
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary Lawrence wakes up at Casa Santa Marta, disturbed by snoring, and decides to walk on the treadmill. As the conclave approaches, he feels anxious observing the cardinals. Father Haas helps him dress in ceremonial attire, and in the 'Room of Cardinals,' Lawrence grapples with his internal turmoil. He begins to read his prepared sermon but chooses to speak from the heart instead, emphasizing tolerance and collaboration, surprising the cardinals and creating a moment of connection.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth of Lawrence
  • Impromptu sermon delivery
  • Unity and tolerance theme
Weaknesses
  • Limited external conflict
  • Some platitudes in the sermon

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively captures Lawrence's emotional journey and the pivotal moment of his impromptu sermon, adding depth to his character and setting the tone for the upcoming events in the conclave.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of Lawrence delivering an impromptu sermon emphasizing tolerance and unity adds depth to his character and sets the stage for the conclave proceedings, showcasing his leadership qualities.

Plot: 8

The plot progression focuses on Lawrence's internal struggle, leading to a significant character moment during the sermon, which sets the stage for the upcoming events in the conclave.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh perspective on the process of electing a Pope, delving into the personal struggles and decisions of the characters. The dialogue feels authentic and resonant with the themes of leadership and faith.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The scene delves into Lawrence's character development, showcasing his emotional depth, leadership qualities, and ability to connect with the cardinals through his impromptu sermon.

Character Changes: 8

Lawrence undergoes a significant emotional change in the scene, transitioning from trepidation to calmness and delivering a powerful sermon that showcases his leadership qualities and emotional depth.

Internal Goal: 8

Lawrence's internal goal is to find calm and speak from the heart during his sermon, deviating from the scripted platitudes and connecting with the audience on a deeper level.

External Goal: 7

Lawrence's external goal is to deliver a successful sermon and navigate the conclave process to potentially become the new Pope.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

The conflict in the scene is primarily internal, focusing on Lawrence's emotional turmoil and the challenge of delivering an impromptu sermon, adding depth to the character but not escalating to high levels of external conflict.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene comes from Lawrence's internal struggle and the expectations of the conclave process, creating uncertainty and conflict.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are moderately high in the scene, as Lawrence's impromptu sermon could impact the cardinals' perceptions of him and set the tone for the conclave proceedings, showcasing the importance of unity and leadership.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by setting the stage for the conclave proceedings, highlighting Lawrence's role as a leader, and emphasizing the themes of unity and tolerance among the cardinals.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of Lawrence's unexpected decision to speak from the heart, deviating from the scripted sermon.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict revolves around the balance between tradition and authenticity in religious leadership. Lawrence challenges the status quo by speaking from the heart instead of following the expected script.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene has a strong emotional impact, especially during Lawrence's impromptu sermon, as he connects with the cardinals and delivers a heartfelt message of unity and tolerance.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue effectively conveys Lawrence's message of tolerance and unity, adding depth to the scene and highlighting his leadership qualities during the conclave.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the emotional stakes, the tension of the conclave process, and Lawrence's internal struggle to find his voice.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, leading to a climactic moment of emotional authenticity.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting adheres to the expected format for a screenplay, with clear scene headings and descriptions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure, moving from Lawrence's internal turmoil to his public speech, building tension and resolution effectively.


Critique
  • The scene effectively transitions from Lawrence's internal struggle with sleep to the external pressures of the conclave, establishing a strong emotional arc. However, the initial setup with the snoring could be more creatively visualized or described to enhance the comedic or frustrating aspect of his situation.
  • The use of the treadmill as a setting for Lawrence's contemplation is a clever metaphor for his internal conflict and the pressure he feels. However, the scene could benefit from more sensory details to immerse the audience in the environment, such as the sounds of the gym or the feeling of the treadmill beneath his feet.
  • The introduction of the title card 'FIRST DAY OF CONCLAVE' is effective in marking the significance of the moment, but it could be more impactful if it were accompanied by a visual cue or sound that emphasizes the gravity of the situation.
  • The transition to the courtyard scene is visually striking, but the emotional weight of Lawrence's trepidation could be further explored. Adding a brief internal monologue or flashback could deepen the audience's understanding of his fears and stakes in the conclave.
  • The dialogue in the scene is functional but lacks a sense of urgency or emotional depth. Lawrence's interactions with Father Haas and the cardinals could be more dynamic, showcasing the tension and stakes involved in the conclave. The humor in Lawrence's comment about speaking from the heart is a nice touch, but it could be expanded to create a more engaging moment.
  • The moment where Lawrence decides to set aside his sermon to speak from the heart is pivotal, but the transition could be smoother. The audience should feel the weight of this decision, and it could be enhanced by showing more of Lawrence's internal struggle leading up to this moment.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more vivid descriptions of the gym environment and Lawrence's physical sensations while on the treadmill to create a stronger connection with the audience.
  • Enhance the comedic aspect of the snoring by incorporating more visual or auditory elements that highlight Lawrence's frustration, perhaps through exaggerated reactions or physical comedy.
  • Explore Lawrence's internal thoughts more deeply during the transition to the courtyard scene, allowing the audience to understand his fears and the significance of the conclave.
  • Revise the dialogue to include more emotional stakes and urgency, particularly in Lawrence's interactions with Father Haas and the cardinals, to better reflect the tension of the situation.
  • Strengthen the moment when Lawrence decides to speak from the heart by incorporating a brief internal monologue that captures his fears and hopes, making the audience feel the weight of his decision.



Scene 21 -  A Call for Doubt and Unity
46 INT. “ROOM OF CARDINALS” ANTECHAMBER - MORNING 46

... whilst right outside the door SISTER AGNES and a few of
her nuns are silently listening to Lawrence’s speech.

LAWRENCE
St Paul said that God’s gift to the
Church is its variety. It is this
variety, this diversity of people
and views that gives our Church its
strength. In the course of a long
life in the service of our Mother
th e Church, let me tell you that
there is one sin I have come to
fear above all others. Certainty.
Certainty is the great enemy of
unity. Certainty is the deadly
enemy of tolerance. Even Christ was
not certain at the end.

Lawrence switches into Italian.
CONCLAVE by Peter Straughan - Pink Revisions. (27.01.2023) 44.


LAWRENCE (CONT’D)
“Dio mio, Dio mio, perché mi hai
abbandonato?"

LAWRENCE (CONT’D)
(back to English)
“My God, my God, why have you
forsaken me?” He cried out in His
agony at the ninth hour on the
cross. Our faith is a living thing
precisely because it walks hand in
hand with doubt. If there was only
certainty, and if there was no
doubt, there would be no mystery,
and therefore no need for faith.
Let us pray that God will grant us
a Pope who doubts. Let Him grant us
a Pope who sins and asks for
forgiveness. And carries on.

He looks out over the cardinals and sees they are unified by
a single emotion. Shock.

47 EXT. CASA SANTA MARTA - COURTYARD - DAY 47

Lawrence is led by Haas and some ASSISTANTS through the
courtyard, crowded with cardinals. Lawrence feels their eyes
upon him.

48 INT. CASA SANTA MARTA - SIDE ROOM - DAY 48

Lawrence stands being disrobed by Haas and the Assistants.
None of the younger men can look Lawrence in the face.
O’Malley arrives holding the discarded sermon.

MONSIGNOR O'MALLEY
(Awkward)
Dean, your homily... I’m not
entirely clear whether or not it
should be placed in the Vatican
archive or not? As it was not the
homily you... actually...
delivered?

LAWRENCE
I’m not sure either.

Lawrence examines the usually ebullient Irishman and realises
even he is avoiding his gaze.

LAWRENCE (CONT’D)
Was it that bad, Ray?
CONCLAVE by Peter Straughan - Pink Revisions. (27.01.2023) 45.


MONSIGNOR O'MALLEY
(Hurriedly)
Not at all, Your Eminence. It has
caused quite a stir. I don’t think
anyone expected you to... to...

LAWRENCE
(Smiling)
Say something interesting?

Haas lifts the chasuble over his head, and LAWRENCE rotates
his stiff neck, relieved to be free of the weight.

LAWRENCE (CONT’D)
(As Haas leaves)
Thank you, Father.

MONSIGNOR O’MALLEY
I’ll have a transcript made of the
text from the tape, Em inence. If
there’s nothing else...

Lawrence hesitates, as O’Malley turns to go. Then...

LAWRENCE
I need you to do something for me.
Monsignor Morales. I’m sure he’s
still in Rome. Could you try and
see him? Use my authority.

MONSIGNOR O’MALLEY
(Surprised)
Today? I...I could try, your
Eminence?

LAWRENCE
I need to know what happened in the
final meeting between the Holy
Father and Cardinal Tremblay.

MONSIGN OR O’MALLEY
What...happened?

Lawrence takes a deep breath, and...

LAWRENCE
Specifically, did anything occur
that might render Cardinal Tremblay
unfit to assume the papacy?

O’Malley gapes at him, recovers himself.

MONSIGNOR O’MALLEY
Of course, Eminence.
CONCLAVE by Peter Straughan - Pink Revisions. (27.01.2023) 45A.


LAWRENCE
Bless you.
Genres: ["Drama","Spiritual"]

Summary In a tense scene, Lawrence delivers a provocative speech on the necessity of diversity and doubt within the Church, arguing that certainty hinders unity. Quoting Christ in Italian, he emphasizes that faith and doubt coexist. Following his speech, Lawrence navigates a courtyard of shocked cardinals and later discusses the implications of his homily with Monsignor O'Malley, who reveals the stir it has caused. Lawrence expresses a desire to investigate Cardinal Tremblay's suitability for the papacy, asking O'Malley to gather information about Tremblay's final meeting with the Holy Father, setting the stage for further intrigue.
Strengths
  • Deep exploration of themes
  • Compelling character dynamics
  • Thought-provoking dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Some moments of exposition may slow the pacing

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9.2

The scene is well-crafted, with a deep exploration of themes and character emotions. The dialogue is thought-provoking and impactful, setting the stage for significant developments in the story.


Story Content

Concept: 9.3

The concept of exploring doubt, faith, and unity within the context of a papal conclave is intriguing and well-developed. The scene effectively conveys the complexities of belief and leadership in a spiritual setting.

Plot: 9

The plot advances significantly in this scene, setting up key conflicts and revelations that will impact the outcome of the conclave. The tension and stakes are heightened, driving the narrative forward.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces fresh perspectives on faith, doubt, and unity within the Church. The dialogue is authentic and thought-provoking, offering a unique take on religious themes.


Character Development

Characters: 9.2

The characters are deeply explored, especially Lawrence, whose internal struggles and moral dilemmas are central to the scene. The interactions between the characters reveal their complexities and motivations.

Character Changes: 9

Several characters, especially Lawrence, undergo significant internal changes as they confront their doubts, fears, and moral dilemmas. These transformations set the stage for character development and growth.

Internal Goal: 9

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to challenge the idea of certainty and emphasize the importance of doubt and faith in the Church. This reflects his deeper belief in the need for unity and tolerance.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to investigate Cardinal Tremblay's fitness to assume the papacy. This reflects the immediate challenge of ensuring the Church's leadership is in capable hands.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8.8

The conflict in the scene is primarily internal, revolving around the characters' struggles with doubt, secrecy, and moral dilemmas. The tension is palpable as revelations and decisions shape the upcoming conclave.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist facing challenges in investigating Cardinal Tremblay's fitness for the papacy. The uncertainty surrounding this investigation adds to the tension and conflict.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in the scene, as the characters grapple with moral dilemmas, secrets, and the future of the Church. The decisions made here will have far-reaching consequences for the conclave and the papacy.

Story Forward: 9

The scene propels the story forward by introducing key conflicts, revelations, and character dynamics that will shape the outcome of the conclave. It sets the stage for significant developments and plot twists.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists in the protagonist's investigation and the revelation of Cardinal Tremblay's potential unfitness for the papacy.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between certainty and doubt, unity and tolerance. The protagonist challenges the idea of certainty and emphasizes the importance of doubt and faith in maintaining unity within the Church.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9.1

The scene evokes a strong emotional response from the audience, as the characters grapple with profound questions of faith and leadership. The themes of doubt and unity resonate on a deep emotional level.

Dialogue: 9.4

The dialogue is rich and meaningful, delving into profound themes of faith, doubt, and unity. The characters' conversations are thought-provoking and reveal their inner conflicts and beliefs.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its deep philosophical themes, moral dilemmas, and character interactions. The tension and mystery surrounding Cardinal Tremblay's fitness add to the intrigue.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension, revealing information gradually, and maintaining the audience's interest. The rhythm of the dialogue adds to the scene's impact.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character dialogue. The formatting enhances the readability and flow of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm contribute to its effectiveness.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures a pivotal moment in Lawrence's character arc, showcasing his internal struggle and the weight of his words. However, the transition from his speech to the reactions of the cardinals could be more pronounced to heighten the emotional impact. The shock of the cardinals is mentioned but not fully explored, leaving the audience wanting more insight into their varied reactions.
  • The dialogue is strong, particularly Lawrence's reflections on certainty and doubt, which resonate with the themes of the story. However, the speech could benefit from a more personal anecdote or a specific example that illustrates his points, making it more relatable and impactful for both the cardinals and the audience.
  • The interaction between Lawrence and Monsignor O'Malley after the speech is a nice touch, providing a moment of levity amidst the tension. However, O'Malley's dialogue feels somewhat awkward and could be streamlined for clarity. The humor in Lawrence's response could be emphasized more to lighten the mood and showcase his character's resilience.
  • The scene's pacing is generally good, but the transition from the speech to the side room feels abrupt. A brief moment of silence or a visual cue could enhance the transition, allowing the audience to absorb the weight of Lawrence's words before moving on to the next interaction.
  • The visual elements are effective, particularly the imagery of Lawrence being disrobed, symbolizing the shedding of his ceremonial role. However, more descriptive language could enhance the atmosphere, such as the expressions on the cardinals' faces or the ambiance of the room, to create a more immersive experience.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment of silence or a visual cue after Lawrence's speech to emphasize the shock and gravity of his words before transitioning to the next scene.
  • Incorporate a personal anecdote or specific example in Lawrence's speech to illustrate his points about certainty and doubt, making it more relatable and impactful.
  • Streamline Monsignor O'Malley's dialogue to make it clearer and more concise, enhancing the flow of the conversation and maintaining the scene's pacing.
  • Emphasize the humor in Lawrence's response to O'Malley to showcase his resilience and lighten the mood after the intense speech.
  • Enhance the descriptive language in the scene to create a more immersive atmosphere, focusing on the expressions of the cardinals and the ambiance of the room.



Scene 22 -  Confrontation in the Lobby
49 INT. CASA SANTA MARTA - LOBBY - DAY 49

Lawrence is heading for the lift when...

TEDESCO (O.S.) TEDESCO (O.S.)
(Booming, Italian) (tonante)
< Well, Dean... > Beh, Decano...

Lawrence turns to find Tedesco advancing on him, drawing the
attention of the crowded lobby.
CONCLAVE by Peter Straughan - Pink Revisions. (27.01.2023) 46.


TEDESCO (CONT’D) TEDESCO (CONT’D)
(Italian) San Paolo come apostolo del
< St Paul as an Apostle of dubbio. Non l'avevo mai
Doubt. I’ve never heard that sentita prima!
one before! >

Lawrence continues to the lift, determined to avoid a public
argument.

TEDESCO (CONT’D) TEDESCO (CONT’D)
< Wasn’t it St Paul who said, Non è stato forse San Paolo a
“If the trumpet shall give an dire: "E s e la tromba emette
uncertain note, who will un suono confuso, chi si
prepare himself for battle?”> preparerà alla battaglia?"

Lawrence presses for the lift and the doors glide open.

LAWRENCE
(in Latin)
Perhaps it would have been more
palatable for you in Latin,
Eminence?

He steps into the lift before Tedesco can reply.

50 INT. CASA SANTA MARTA - LOBBY LIFT - DAY 50

Lawrence, a little pleased with his retort, is about to press
the button for his floor when he su ddenly pats his pockets.
He closes his eyes.

51 INT. CASA SANTA MARTA - LOBBY - DAY 51

Lawrence emerges from the lift again, to the surprise of
Tedesco and the other cardinals. Aware he’s just ruined his
exit, he walks back to the RECEPTION DESK, trying to look
unconcerned.

LAWRENCE
I’m sorry, I forgot my key.

SISTER AGNES examines him sternly from behind the desk.

SISTER AGNES
I hope you take better care of the
Keys of St Peter than you do of the
keys to your room.

She reaches under the counter and hands him a KEY CARD.
CONCLAVE by Peter Straughan - Pink Revisions. (27.01.2023) 46A.


SISTER AGNES (CONT’D)
That’s my pass key. If you could
remember to return it.
CONCLAVE by Peter Straughan - Pink Revisions. (27.01.2023) 47.


Lawrence nods, feeling like a scolded child. Sister Agnes
walks into the back office. Lawrence turns to find Bellini
standing beside him. His friend gives an awful smile.

BELLINI
(Quietly)
Well, I’m puzzled. You tell me you
wanted to resign and then you step
out of the shadows like this?

It takes Lawrence a moment to realise there is anger in
Bellini’s voice.

BELLINI (CONT’D)
Now - who knows how things may tu rn
out?

He’s gone before Lawrence can think of a reply.
Genres: ["Drama","Political","Religious"]

Summary In the bustling lobby of Casa Santa Marta, Lawrence is drawn into a loud debate with Tedesco about St. Paul, which embarrasses him in front of onlookers. Attempting to escape the confrontation, he forgets his key and awkwardly returns to the reception, where Sister Agnes scolds him for his carelessness. Bellini then confronts Lawrence about his resignation, expressing confusion and anger over his indecisiveness, leaving Lawrence frustrated and without a chance to respond as Bellini storms off.
Strengths
  • Sharp dialogue
  • Complex character dynamics
  • Tension-building
Weaknesses
  • Slightly predictable confrontational moments
  • Some dialogue may feel heavy-handed

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively builds tension through confrontational dialogue and reflective moments, providing insight into the characters' motivations and conflicts. The unexpected encounter between Lawrence and Tedesco adds depth to the narrative and sets the stage for future developments.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring the clash of ideologies and power dynamics within the Vatican, as well as the internal struggles of the characters, is compelling and adds depth to the narrative. The scene effectively sets up future conflicts and character development.

Plot: 8.5

The plot is advanced through the tension between Lawrence and Tedesco, as well as the internal struggles of Lawrence and Bellini. The scene sets up important conflicts and character arcs, moving the story forward effectively.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces unique cultural elements and explores power dynamics in a religious or political setting, adding authenticity to the characters' actions and dialogue.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed, with complex motivations and conflicts that drive the scene forward. The interactions between Lawrence, Tedesco, and Bellini reveal layers of their personalities and hint at future developments.

Character Changes: 8

The scene hints at potential character changes, particularly for Lawrence and Bellini, as they grapple with their faith and leadership roles. The encounter with Tedesco sets the stage for future character development.

Internal Goal: 8

Lawrence's internal goal in this scene is to maintain composure and avoid confrontation, as seen by his determination to avoid a public argument with Tedesco.

External Goal: 7

Lawrence's external goal is to retrieve his key and maintain a sense of control in the situation.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict between Lawrence and Tedesco, as well as the internal struggles of Lawrence and Bellini, adds tension and drama to the scene. The confrontational dialogue and ideological clashes heighten the conflict level.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with characters challenging each other's authority and beliefs.

High Stakes: 8

The high stakes are evident in the power dynamics within the Vatican, the clash of ideologies between the characters, and the internal struggles they face. The scene sets up significant challenges and conflicts that will impact the characters and the story.

Story Forward: 9

The scene effectively moves the story forward by setting up important conflicts, character arcs, and plot developments. The tension between the characters and the revelations about their internal struggles propel the narrative forward.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected interactions and power shifts between the characters.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around power dynamics and hierarchy, as seen in the interactions between Lawrence, Tedesco, and Sister Agnes. This challenges Lawrence's beliefs about authority and control.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from tension and concern to anger and reflection. The confrontational moments and internal struggles of the characters create an emotional impact that resonates with the audience.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is sharp and impactful, effectively conveying the tension and emotion between the characters. The confrontational moments are particularly well-written and add depth to the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to the tension and power dynamics between the characters, keeping the audience invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension and maintaining the audience's interest.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear dialogue and scene descriptions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with clear character interactions and progression of events.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the tension between Lawrence and Tedesco, showcasing their ideological differences. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtext to deepen the conflict. Tedesco's lines are somewhat straightforward and could be enriched with more layered meanings or personal stakes.
  • Lawrence's reaction to Tedesco's comments feels a bit rushed. His retort in Latin is clever, but it might come off as dismissive rather than engaging. This could be an opportunity to show more of Lawrence's internal struggle or frustration, making his character more relatable.
  • The introduction of Sister Agnes adds a nice touch of humor and grounding to the scene, but her dialogue could be more impactful. Instead of merely scolding Lawrence, she could express concern for his well-being or the implications of his actions, adding depth to her character.
  • Bellini's confrontation with Lawrence at the end of the scene is a strong moment, but it feels slightly abrupt. The transition from the light-hearted exchange with Sister Agnes to Bellini's serious tone could be smoother, perhaps by including a moment of reflection for Lawrence before Bellini speaks.
  • The pacing of the scene is uneven. The initial confrontation with Tedesco is engaging, but the subsequent moments with Sister Agnes and Bellini feel rushed. A more gradual build-up to Bellini's confrontation could enhance the emotional weight of the scene.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more subtext to Tedesco's dialogue to reflect his deeper motivations or fears regarding Lawrence's influence. This could create a more compelling conflict.
  • Expand on Lawrence's internal thoughts or feelings during the exchange with Tedesco. This could be done through brief internal monologues or visual cues that show his frustration or determination.
  • Revise Sister Agnes's dialogue to include a more personal touch, perhaps expressing her concern for Lawrence's mental state or the implications of his actions within the Church.
  • Smooth the transition between the lighter moments and the serious confrontation with Bellini by including a brief pause or reflection from Lawrence, allowing the audience to feel the weight of the situation.
  • Adjust the pacing by allowing more time for the interactions, particularly between Lawrence and Bellini, to build tension and emotional resonance before the scene concludes.



Scene 23 -  A Somber Oath
52 EXT. CASA SANTA MARTA - PARKING - DAY 52

The cardinals are boarding a fleet of white minibuses as it
begins to rain.

MONSIGNOR O'MALLEY
(Directing the boarding)
Cardinal Gambino... Cardinal
Dell’Acqua...

Lawrence waits to board, still thinking of Bellini’s words.
We hear an organ playing, a choir singing Veni Creator
Spiritus...

53 I/E. MINIBUS - DAY 53

As the music continues we find Lawrence sitting alone,
biretta on his lap, staring out the rain-smeared windows to
the security men patrolling the Vatican grounds beyond. The
cardinals all around him are silent, the mood on the bus is
sombre, the moment of responsibility has come.

54 EXT. CORTILE DEL MARESCIALLO - DAY 54

A narrow strip of grey sky above the parked buses. Security
for ces linger about, smoking and chatting. The bus driver
eats a sandwich.
CONCLAVE by Peter Straughan - Pink Revisions. (27.01.2023) 48.

54A INT. SCALA REGIA - DAY 54A

A security guard scrolls through his phone, standing on the
marble staircase. We hear the cardinals taking their oath.

JUNIOR CARDINAL-DEACON JUNIOR CARDINAL-DEACON
GUERRINI (O.S.) GUERRINI (O.S.)
(In Latin) ...Et ego Antonius Cardinalis
< ...I Antonio Cardinal Guerrini spondeo, voveo ac
Guerrini do so promise, iuro, Sic me Deus adiuvet et
pledge and swear, so help me haec Sancta Dei Evangelia,
God and these Holy Gospels quae manu mea tango.
which I touch with my hand. >

55 INT. SISTINE CHAPEL - DAY 55

The last of the cardinals stand taking the oath. The others
have now taken their seats at the rows of desks filling the
room.

CARDINAL BROTZKUS CARDINAL BROTZKUS
(In Latin) ...Et ego Romualdus
< ...I Romuald Cardinal Cardinalis Brotzkus spondeo,
Brotzkus do so promise, voveo ac iuro...
pledge and swear... >

Lawrence finds himself staring up at Michelangelo’s The Last
Judgement. One of the Damned clutches a hand to his face as
demons drag him down...

CARDINAL BROTZKUS (CONT’D) CARDINAL BROTZKUS (CONT’D)
< So help me God and these Sic me Deus adiuvet et haec
Holy Gospels which I touch Sancta Dei Evangelia, quae
with my hand. > manu mea tango.

CARDINAL NAKITANDA
Et ego Irumbus Cardinalis Nakitanda
s pondeo, voveo ac iuro, sic me Deus
adiuvet et haec Sancta Dei
Evangelia, quae manu mea tango.

Lawrence blinks as Mandorff steps up to the microphone that
has been placed before the west wall of the chamber.

ARCHBISHOP MANDORFF
Extra omnes.

The television lights are switched off plunging the chamber
into relative gloom. Mandorff makes his way to the vestibule
as priests, officials, choristers, securit y men, cameramen,
photographer and the commandant of the Swiss Guard leave the
chapel. The three scrutineers, CARDINALS LUKSA, MERCURIO and
LOMBARDI, take their place at a table in front of the altar.
CONCLAVE by Peter Straughan - Pink Revisions. (27.01.2023) 49.


Lawrence catches Adeyemi’s eye. Cardinal Tedesco glances at
Bellini who looks at Tremblay across from him.

In the vestibule Mandorff passes through the huge doors...
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary As rain falls, cardinals board white minibuses under the direction of Monsignor O'Malley, while Lawrence reflects on the weight of their responsibilities. Inside the minibus, he contemplates the gravity of the moment amidst organ music and choir singing. The scene transitions to the Scala Regia, where security personnel interact casually, contrasting with the solemnity of the cardinals taking their oaths in Latin in the Sistine Chapel. Lawrence admires Michelangelo's artwork as Archbishop Mandorff commands the clearing of the chamber, marking the transition to the conclave.
Strengths
  • Building tension
  • Setting the stage for the conclave
  • Creating anticipation
Weaknesses
  • Limited character development
  • Lack of standout dialogue

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively sets the tone for the upcoming events, creating a sense of anticipation and tension. It introduces key elements crucial for the plot progression.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the scene, focusing on the start of the conclave and the cardinals taking their oath, is crucial for advancing the plot and setting the stage for the papal election.

Plot: 8.5

The plot is effectively advanced in this scene as the conclave officially begins, introducing key elements that will impact the outcome of the papal election.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh perspective on the conclave process, highlighting the internal dilemmas faced by the characters and the weight of their decisions. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 7.5

The characters play their roles in setting the tone and building tension, but there is limited character development in this particular scene.

Character Changes: 5

There are no significant character changes in this scene, as the focus is more on the collective action of the cardinals.

Internal Goal: 8

Lawrence's internal goal in this scene is to come to terms with the weight of responsibility and the gravity of the situation he is in. It reflects his deeper need for guidance, strength, and clarity in making important decisions.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to participate in the conclave and fulfill his duties as a cardinal. It reflects the immediate challenge of the conclave process and the responsibilities that come with it.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

While there is an underlying tension and anticipation, the scene lacks overt conflict, focusing more on the impending events.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create conflict and uncertainty, as the characters grapple with their responsibilities and personal beliefs.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high as the cardinals prepare to elect the next Pope, with the scene emphasizing the gravity of their decisions.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by initiating the conclave and setting the stage for the papal election, advancing the central plot.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because it introduces internal conflicts and moral dilemmas that add complexity to the narrative.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the tension between duty and personal beliefs. Lawrence is torn between his responsibilities as a cardinal and his own moral compass, as indicated by his interactions with other cardinals.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7.5

The scene evokes a sense of anticipation and intrigue, but the emotional impact is not as pronounced as in more character-driven or intense conflict scenes.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue serves its purpose in conveying the solemnity of the moment and the importance of the events, but it lacks standout lines or deep character interactions.

Engagement: 8

This scene is engaging because it builds tension and suspense through the characters' internal struggles and the solemn atmosphere of the conclave process.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension gradually, allowing for moments of reflection and introspection, and maintaining a sense of urgency.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is well-executed, with clear scene headings, descriptions, and dialogue formatting that adheres to industry standards.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with clear transitions between locations and a focus on the characters' actions and dialogue.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the somber mood of the cardinals as they prepare for the conclave, using visual elements like the rain and the organ music to enhance the atmosphere. However, the emotional weight could be deepened by incorporating more internal conflict for Lawrence as he reflects on Bellini's words. This could be achieved through brief flashbacks or internal monologue that reveals his doubts and fears about the upcoming responsibilities.
  • The transition between the different locations (minibus, Cortile del Maresciallo, Scala Regia, and Sistine Chapel) feels somewhat abrupt. While the scene does a good job of establishing the setting, the flow could be improved by adding connective tissue that links these locations more seamlessly, perhaps through Lawrence's thoughts or observations as he moves from one place to another.
  • The dialogue is minimal, which works well for the tone of the scene, but it might benefit from a few lines of interaction among the cardinals to highlight their relationships and tensions. This could provide a contrast to Lawrence's solitude and emphasize the collective weight of the moment.
  • The visual imagery, particularly the description of Michelangelo's The Last Judgement, is powerful, but it could be enhanced by drawing parallels between the artwork and the current situation. For instance, Lawrence's contemplation of the damned could reflect his fears about the consequences of the conclave's decisions, adding layers to his character's internal struggle.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief internal monologue for Lawrence that reflects his thoughts on Bellini's words and the gravity of the situation, which would provide insight into his character and heighten the emotional stakes.
  • Introduce a few lines of dialogue among the cardinals in the minibus or while boarding to establish their relationships and tensions, which would create a richer social dynamic and contrast with Lawrence's isolation.
  • Enhance the transitions between locations by incorporating Lawrence's observations or thoughts as he moves, creating a more fluid narrative that connects the different settings and emphasizes his emotional journey.
  • Draw stronger thematic connections between the artwork in the Sistine Chapel and the current events, perhaps by having Lawrence reflect on the implications of the artwork in relation to the choices the cardinals are about to make.



Scene 24 -  The Sacred Vote
56 INT. OUTSIDE SISTINE CHAPEL - DAY 56

...to close them after him.

57 INT. SISTINE CHAPEL - DAY 57

We hear the sound of a key turning. The great bell of St
Peter’s begins tolling five o’clock.

The Conclave has begun .

LAWRENCE walks to the microphone.

LAWRENCE LAWRENCE
< Cardinal brothers, we will Fratelli Cardinali, procederà
now proceed to the first ora al primo scrutinio.
ballot. > (Holding up a paper
(Holding up a ballot ballot)
paper) Troverete davanti a voi la
< You will find in front of vostra scheda elettorale.
you your ballot paper. On the Sulla metà superiore è
top half is written... > scritto...
(Glancing ironically at (Glancing Ironically at
Tedesco) Tedesco)
< Eligo in Summum Pontificem. Eligo in Summum Pontificem.
“I elect as Supreme Pontiff”. ”Eleggo Sommo Pontefice”.
Beneath this you must write Sotto di essa dovete scrivere
the name of your chosen il nome del candidato che
candidate. Please make sure avete scelto. Assicuratevi
your hand-writ ing is che la vostra calligrafia sia
legible.> leggibile.

La wrence returns to his seat and picks up his own ballot
paper. He shields the paper with his arm and writes BELLINI,
folds it and walks back to the altar. He holds it above his
head.

LAWRENCE (CONT’D) LAWRENCE (CONT’D)
(In Latin) Testor Christum Dominum, qui
< I call as my witness Christ me iudicaturus est, me eu m
the Lord who will be my eligere, quem secundum Deum
judge, that my vote is given iudico eligi debere.
to the one who before God I
think should be elected. >

Under the gaze of the three cardinals he places his ballot in
the large urn on the altar.
CONCLAVE by Peter Straughan - Pink Revisions. (27.01.2023) 50.


He returns to his seat, his eyes straying to where Bellini
sits, apparently sunk in meditation. One by one the cardinals
begin to rise and vote, ballots held above their heads...
Genres: ["Drama","Political","Religious"]

Summary Inside the Sistine Chapel, the Conclave commences as Cardinal Lawrence instructs his fellow cardinals on the voting process for the new Pope. He casts his vote for Bellini, invoking Christ as his witness, while subtly acknowledging Cardinal Tedesco, hinting at underlying tensions. The atmosphere is solemn as each cardinal rises to cast their votes, holding their ballots aloft in a ritualistic display, marking the beginning of a pivotal moment for the Church.
Strengths
  • Intense atmosphere
  • Character depth
  • Plot advancement
Weaknesses
  • Limited external action
  • Reliance on dialogue

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9.2

The scene is well-crafted, setting the stage for a crucial event in the story with tension and depth. It effectively conveys the weight of the moment and the characters' emotional turmoil.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of the conclave beginning is crucial to the plot and character development, setting the stage for significant events to unfold. It adds depth and complexity to the narrative.

Plot: 9.2

The plot advances significantly as the conclave commences, leading to potential shifts in power and character dynamics. It sets the stage for intense conflicts and resolutions.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a unique situation of a papal election, exploring the internal and external conflicts of the characters in a sacred and high-stakes setting. The dialogue and actions feel authentic and reflective of the historical context.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters' internal struggles and decisions during the conclave reveal their depth and complexity. Their actions and choices drive the narrative forward and shape the story.

Character Changes: 9

Several characters undergo internal changes and revelations during the scene, particularly in their decision-making process and moral reflections. These changes set the stage for future developments.

Internal Goal: 8

Lawrence's internal goal is to vote for the candidate he believes should be elected as the new Pope. This reflects his sense of duty, faith, and moral convictions.

External Goal: 7

Lawrence's external goal is to participate in the Conclave and fulfill his role as a cardinal in the election of the new Pope. This reflects the immediate challenge he faces in making a decision that will impact the future of the Catholic Church.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8.5

The scene contains internal conflicts within the characters as they grapple with their decisions and allegiances during the conclave. The tension is palpable as they navigate the high-stakes situation.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong as the characters face conflicting beliefs and pressures in the decision-making process.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high as the cardinals cast their votes for the next Pope, determining the future direction of the Church. The outcome of the conclave will have far-reaching consequences.

Story Forward: 9

The scene propels the story forward by initiating the conclave and introducing key conflicts and decisions. It lays the groundwork for subsequent events and character arcs.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because the audience is unsure of how each cardinal will vote and who will ultimately be elected as the new Pope.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is the tension between personal beliefs and institutional responsibilities. Lawrence must balance his own convictions with the expectations of the Conclave and the Church hierarchy.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9.2

The scene evokes a strong emotional response from the audience, drawing them into the characters' struggles and the significance of the conclave. It resonates with themes of faith, duty, and sacrifice.

Dialogue: 8.8

The dialogue is impactful, conveying the characters' convictions and uncertainties as they participate in the conclave. It adds depth to their interactions and reveals their inner thoughts.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it presents a high-stakes decision-making process in a historic and sacred setting, drawing the audience into the characters' moral dilemmas.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged in the decision-making process.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and follows the standard format for a screenplay, making it easy to visualize the actions and dialogue.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a dramatic moment in a screenplay, building tension and conflict effectively.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the gravity of the moment as the Conclave begins, with the tolling of the bell serving as a powerful auditory cue that heightens the tension. However, the transition from the previous scene to this one could be smoother; the abrupt shift from the cardinals' interactions to Lawrence's authoritative role at the microphone feels slightly disjointed. A brief moment of silence or a visual cue could enhance the transition.
  • Lawrence's speech is well-structured, providing clear instructions for the voting process. The use of both English and Italian adds authenticity and reflects the multilingual nature of the audience. However, the ironic glance at Tedesco could be more impactful if it were accompanied by a brief internal thought or a flashback that contextualizes their relationship, deepening the audience's understanding of the tension between them.
  • The dialogue is functional but lacks emotional depth. While Lawrence's instructions are clear, they could benefit from a more personal touch or a rhetorical flourish that reflects the weight of the decision the cardinals are about to make. This would help to elevate the stakes and engage the audience more fully.
  • The visual elements are strong, particularly the imagery of Lawrence holding the ballot above his head. However, the scene could be enhanced by incorporating more sensory details, such as the atmosphere in the chapel, the expressions of the cardinals, or the sound of rustling paper as they prepare to vote. This would create a more immersive experience for the audience.
  • The pacing of the scene is generally effective, but the moment when Lawrence shields his ballot could be expanded to build suspense. A brief pause or a moment of hesitation could emphasize the significance of his choice and the weight of the decision he is making, allowing the audience to feel the tension in the air.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment of silence or a visual cue to transition smoothly from the previous scene to Lawrence's authoritative role at the microphone.
  • Enhance the ironic glance at Tedesco by including a brief internal thought or flashback that provides context for their relationship, deepening the audience's understanding of the tension.
  • Infuse Lawrence's dialogue with more emotional depth or rhetorical flourishes that reflect the gravity of the moment, engaging the audience more fully.
  • Incorporate more sensory details to create a more immersive experience, such as the atmosphere in the chapel, the expressions of the cardinals, or the sound of rustling paper.
  • Expand the moment when Lawrence shields his ballot to build suspense, perhaps by including a brief pause or moment of hesitation that emphasizes the significance of his choice.



Scene 25 -  The Unexpected Candidate
58 INT. SISTINE CHAPEL - DAY / LATER 58

The three Scrutineers sit at the table in front of the altar,
counting the votes from the urn. Luksa unfolds a ballot,
notes the name, passes it to Lombardi who also records the
result an d passes it to Mercurio who pierces the vote through
the word elect and threads it onto a length of scarlet silk
cord.

CARDINAL LOMBARDI CARDINAL LOMBARDI
(Italian) Il primo voto è per il
< The first vote is cast for Cardinale Tedesco.
Cardinal Tedesco. >

Lawrence doesn’t react, just makes a tick next to Tedesco’s
name on his list of cardinals. Lombardi reads the next
ballot.

CARDINAL LOMBARDI (CONT’D) CARDINAL LOMBARDI (CONT’D)
(Italian) Il secondo voto è per il
< The second vote is cast for Cardinale Tedesco.
Cardinal Tedesco. >

Again. Lombardi records the next ballot.

CARDINAL LOMBARDI (CONT’D) CARDINAL LOMBARDI (CONT’D)
(Italian) Cardinale Tremblay.
Cardinal Tremblay.

Lawrence ticks the name...

CARDINAL LOMBARDI (CONT’D) CARDINAL LOMBARDI (CONT’D)
(Reading the next (Reading the next
ballot) ballot)
< Cardinal Tremblay. > Cardinale Tremblay.

...and again...

C ARDINAL LOMBARDI (CONT’D) CARDINAL LOMBARDI (CONT’D)
< Cardinal Lawrence. > Cardinale Lawrence.

Lawrence looks up, startled. He finds Bellini watching him.

CARDINAL LOMBARDI (CONT’D) CARDINAL LOMBARDI (CONT’D)
< Cardinal Bellini. > Cardinale Bellini.

Lawrence focuses on his list again, hurriedly ticking the
names...
CONCLAVE by Peter Straughan - Pink Revisions. (27.01.2023) 51.
Genres: ["Drama","Political","Mystery"]

Summary In the Sistine Chapel during a papal conclave, Cardinals Luksa, Lombardi, and Mercurio meticulously count votes. As they announce the results, tension rises when Cardinal Lawrence is startled to hear his own name as a candidate, while Cardinal Bellini watches him closely. The scene captures the suspense of the election process, culminating in Lawrence's growing anxiety as he hurriedly notes the names on his list.
Strengths
  • Tension-building
  • Intriguing plot twists
  • Strong character reactions
Weaknesses
  • Limited character development during the vote sequence

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively builds tension and intrigue through the voting process, showcasing unexpected twists and character reactions.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the papal conclave vote is well-executed, highlighting the complexities and dynamics of the process.

Plot: 8.5

The plot of the scene revolves around the pivotal moment of the conclave vote, driving the narrative forward with unexpected developments.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh perspective on the power dynamics and ethical dilemmas within the Catholic Church, presenting a unique take on the process of electing a new pope. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds depth and complexity to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters' reactions and choices during the conclave vote add depth and intrigue to the scene, showcasing their individual motivations.

Character Changes: 7

While there are subtle shifts in character dynamics during the conclave vote, the focus is more on the revelations and reactions to the voting outcomes.

Internal Goal: 8

Lawrence's internal goal in this scene is to maintain composure and hide any emotional reactions to the unfolding events. This reflects his need to appear in control and strategic in his decision-making.

External Goal: 7

Lawrence's external goal is to navigate the voting process and potentially influence the outcome of the election for the new pope. This reflects the immediate challenge he faces in securing power and influence within the Church.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict in the scene arises from the competing interests and choices of the cardinals during the conclave vote, heightening the tension.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting interests and hidden agendas among the characters. The uncertainty of the voting process creates a sense of suspense and unpredictability.

High Stakes: 9

The high stakes of the papal conclave vote are palpable in the scene, with the outcome having far-reaching implications for the characters and the narrative.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by revealing key decisions and developments in the papal election process.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected voting results and the characters' hidden agendas. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of how the election will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the themes of power, influence, and morality within the Catholic Church. Lawrence's actions and decisions are challenged by the ethical implications of manipulating the voting process.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7.5

The scene evokes a sense of anticipation and suspense, engaging the audience emotionally in the high-stakes moment of the conclave vote.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the tension and stakes of the conclave vote, with subtle nuances in the interactions between the characters.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its high stakes, moral dilemmas, and character dynamics. The tension and suspense keep the audience invested in the outcome of the voting process.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a gradual build-up of tension and suspense leading to the revelation of the voting results. The rhythm of the dialogue and actions enhances the dramatic impact of the scene.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene adheres to the standard screenplay format, making it easy to follow and visualize the unfolding events.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected format for a dramatic and suspenseful sequence, building tension through the voting process and character reactions.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the tension and gravity of the voting process within the Conclave, using the actions of the Scrutineers to convey the meticulous nature of the election. However, the dialogue is minimal, which may lead to a lack of emotional engagement for the audience. The scene could benefit from more internal monologue or subtle exchanges between the characters to heighten the stakes and reveal their thoughts and feelings about the unfolding events.
  • Lawrence's startled reaction upon hearing his name is a strong moment, but it could be enhanced by providing more context about his internal conflict. The audience may not fully grasp the significance of this moment without a clearer understanding of Lawrence's motivations and fears regarding his candidacy. Adding a brief flashback or a line of internal dialogue could deepen the emotional impact.
  • The use of Italian adds authenticity to the scene, but it may alienate viewers who do not understand the language. Including subtitles or a brief translation could help maintain engagement without sacrificing the scene's authenticity. Additionally, the scene could benefit from more visual descriptions to create a vivid atmosphere, such as the expressions of the cardinals or the ambiance of the Sistine Chapel during this pivotal moment.
  • The pacing of the scene feels somewhat rushed, particularly as the votes are read. While the urgency of the moment is important, allowing for brief pauses or reactions after each vote could build tension and give the audience time to absorb the implications of each result. This would also allow for more character development as the cardinals react to the unfolding situation.
Suggestions
  • Incorporate internal monologue for Lawrence to express his thoughts and fears about being a candidate, enhancing the emotional stakes of the scene.
  • Consider adding brief translations or subtitles for the Italian dialogue to ensure all viewers can follow the action without losing the authenticity of the setting.
  • Include more visual descriptions of the characters' expressions and the atmosphere of the Sistine Chapel to create a more immersive experience for the audience.
  • Slow down the pacing slightly by allowing for pauses or reactions after each vote is read, which would build tension and give the audience time to process the significance of the results.



Scene 26 -  First Ballot Results in the Sistine Chapel
59 INT. SISTINE CHAPEL - DAY / LATER 59

CLOSE on the URN - now almost empty of ballots. Luksa’s hand
reaches in.

Lawrence is hurriedly adding up the votes in pencil beside
his list.

CARDINAL LOMBARDI CARDINAL LOMBARDI
< Cardinal Bellini. > Cardinale Bellini.
(Italian, Receiving the (Italian, Receiving the
next ballot) next ballot)
< Cardinal Tremblay. > Cardinale Tremblay.
(Beat) (Beat)
< Cardinal Adeyemi. > Car dinale Adeyemi.

Lawrence scribbles away...

CARDINAL LOMBARDI (CONT’D) CARDINAL LOMBARDI (CONT’D)
< And finally... Cardinal E infine... Cardinale
Benitez. > Benítez.

Again, Lawrence looks up in surprise. Benitez himself has
raised his head in shock. Whispered conversations break out
around the chamber. The three Scrutineers confer briefly then
Lombardi leans into the microphone again.

CARDINAL LOMBARDI (CONT’D) CARDINAL LOMBARDI (CONT’D)
(Italian) I risultati del primo
< The res ults of the first scrutinio sono i seguenti:
ballot are... Cardinal Cardinale Adeyemi, ventuno
Adeyemi, twenty-one votes. voti. Cardinale Tedesco,
Cardinal Tedesco, eighteen diciotto voti. Cardinale
votes. Cardinal Bellini, Bellini, diciassette voti.
seventeen votes. Cardinal Cardinale Tremblay, sedi ci
Tremblay, sixteen votes. voti. Cardinale Lawrence,
Cardinal Lawrence, five cinque voti...
votes... >

Lawrence flinches, dismayed at this.

CARDINAL LOMBARDI (CONT’D) CARDINAL LOMBARDI (CONT’D)
< Other cardinals assigned a Altri cardinali che hanno
single vote, thirty-one ricevuto un solo voto,
votes. > trentuno voti.

The hum of conversation grows louder as Lawrence stands and
walks to the microphone.
CONCLAVE by Peter Straughan - Pink Revisions. (27.01.2023) 52.


LAWRENCE LAWRENCE
(Raising his voice over (Raising his voice above
the hubbub ) the hubbub)
< My brother cardinals... my Fratelli cardinali. ..
brother cardinals, that fratelli cardinali, con
concludes the first ballot. questo si conclude il primo
No candidate having achieved scrutinio. Poiché nessun
the necessary majority of candidato ha ottenuto la
seventy-two votes, we shall maggioranza necessaria di
adjourn for the evening and settantadue voti, per la
resume voting in the morning. serata la seduta è aggiornata
I now invite the Junior e riprenderemo le votazioni
Cardinal-Deacon to ask for us domattina. Ora invito
to be released. > l’ultimo cardinale diacono a
dire che ci vengano ad
aprire.

His gaze flits to Bellini, who sits, staring into nothing.
Guerrini walks to the back of the chapel and k nocks on the
doors.

JUNIOR CARDINAL-DEACON GUERRINI
Aprite le porte! Aprite le porte!

59A INT. OUTSIDE SISTINE CHAPEL - DAY 59A

Archbishop Mandorff waits outside the Sistine Chapel. He now
unlocks the doors and they begin to swing open...

60 INT. SISTINE CHAPEL - VESTIBULE - LATE AFTERNOON 60

Monsignor O’Malley squats by the stove, their chimneys rising
to a window high above. He bundles inside the threaded ballo t
papers. He ignites them with a fire-lighter, closes the door
as they begin to blaze. He turns to the second stove and
presses a switch.
Genres: ["Drama","Political","Thriller"]

Summary In the Sistine Chapel, Cardinal Lombardi announces the results of the first ballot for the papal election, revealing that no candidate has secured the required majority of seventy-two votes. Cardinal Adeyemi leads with twenty-one votes, while Lawrence is disheartened to learn he only received five. Following the announcement, Lawrence adjourns the session until the next morning, and Junior Cardinal-Deacon Guerrini signals the end of the voting by calling for the doors to be opened, leaving a tense atmosphere among the cardinals.
Strengths
  • Tension-filled atmosphere
  • Intriguing plot developments
  • Strong performances by the actors
Weaknesses
  • Limited character development in this specific scene

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys the high stakes and political maneuvering of a papal conclave, keeping the audience engaged with surprising developments and a somber tone.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a papal conclave and the behind-the-scenes politicking is intriguing and well-executed, adding depth to the story.

Plot: 8.5

The plot of the scene is crucial in advancing the story, revealing the dynamics and power struggles within the conclave.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh perspective on the inner workings of the Vatican and the papal conclave, presenting a unique take on power dynamics and moral conflicts within the Catholic Church.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-developed and their motivations and conflicts are effectively portrayed, adding depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 7

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the dynamics and relationships between the characters are further developed.

Internal Goal: 8

Lawrence's internal goal is to navigate the complex and competitive world of the papal conclave while staying true to his beliefs and values.

External Goal: 7

Lawrence's external goal is to secure enough votes to become the next pope.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict within the conclave and the differing agendas of the cardinals create a tense and suspenseful atmosphere.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Lawrence facing challenges from rival cardinals and internal conflicts.

High Stakes: 9

The high stakes of the papal conclave, with the election of a new Pope hanging in the balance, add urgency and tension to the scene.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by revealing the voting results and setting up further conflicts and developments.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected voting results and the shifting alliances among the cardinals.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the balance between personal ambition and spiritual duty. Lawrence must grapple with the desire for power and influence within the church while upholding his faith and moral principles.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from shock and dismay to curiosity and intrigue, keeping the audience emotionally invested.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is engaging and serves to reveal the characters' thoughts and emotions, driving the scene forward.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its suspenseful atmosphere, complex character dynamics, and high-stakes conflict.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged in the unfolding events.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting adheres to industry standards for a screenplay, with clear scene headings and character actions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a dramatic sequence in a political thriller, building tension and conflict through dialogue and action.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension as the results of the first ballot are announced, creating a sense of urgency and anticipation. However, the emotional stakes could be heightened by delving deeper into Lawrence's internal conflict. His dismay at receiving only five votes is significant, but the scene could benefit from a brief moment of introspection or a flashback that illustrates his hopes or fears regarding the papacy.
  • The dialogue is functional but lacks a distinct voice for each character. While Cardinal Lombardi's announcements are clear, they could be enriched with more personality or emotional weight. For instance, Lombardi could express his own surprise or disappointment at the results, which would add depth to the proceedings.
  • The visual elements are strong, particularly the imagery of the urn and the ballots, which symbolize the weight of the decision at hand. However, the scene could incorporate more sensory details to enhance the atmosphere. Describing the sounds of the chapel, the expressions on the cardinals' faces, or the physical sensations Lawrence experiences could immerse the audience further into the moment.
  • The transition from the announcement of the votes to Lawrence's response feels abrupt. A more gradual build-up to his speech could create a smoother flow. For example, including a moment where Lawrence gathers his thoughts or exchanges glances with other cardinals before addressing the assembly would enhance the pacing.
  • The scene ends with a clear action (the doors being opened), but it could be more impactful if it included a moment of reflection or a poignant line from Lawrence that encapsulates his feelings about the results. This would leave the audience with a stronger emotional takeaway.
Suggestions
  • Incorporate a brief internal monologue or flashback for Lawrence to express his feelings about the voting results, which would deepen the audience's understanding of his character.
  • Enhance Cardinal Lombardi's dialogue with more emotional nuance or personality to make the voting process feel more dynamic and engaging.
  • Add sensory details to the scene, such as the sounds of the chapel or the expressions of the cardinals, to create a more immersive atmosphere.
  • Smooth the transition to Lawrence's speech by including a moment of hesitation or contemplation before he addresses the assembly, allowing for a more natural flow.
  • Consider ending the scene with a reflective line from Lawrence that encapsulates his emotional state regarding the voting results, providing a stronger conclusion.



Scene 27 -  Whispers in the Vatican
60A INT. INSIDE THE STOVE - LATE AFTERNOON 60A

INSIDE THE STOVE - the canister of potassium perchlorate,
anthracene and sulphur activates with a whoosh...

61 EXT. SISTINE CHAPEL - LATE AFTERNOON 61

The temporary metal chimney jutting out above the roof of the
chapel begins t o gush jet-black smoke, illuminated by a
search-light. The smoke streams up to the winter sky and the
waiting world. A dull roar swells and fades. It takes us a
moment to realise it’s the response of the vast crowd
gathered outside.
CONCLAVE by Peter Straughan - Pink Revisions. (27.01.2023) 53.

61A INT. EMPTY ROOMS - LATE AFTERNOON 61A

As the dull roar continues to resound from outside rooms
inside the Vatican lie still and empty in the late afternoon
light. The canary listens in his cage.

62 INT. SALA REGIA - LATE AFTERNOON 62

Lawrence and O’Malley hurry through the hall.

MONSIGNOR O'MALLEY
The media have noticed the presence
of a cardinal who doesn’t appear on
the official lists, Dean. The press
off ice have been receiving requests
for information, so I’ve taken the
liberty of putting together a draft
statement. I’ve also put together
some biographical details for you.
(Glancing through some
sheets of paper)
Ministries in Veracruz, the Congo,
established a hospital for female
victims of the genocidal sexual
violence during the first and
second wars. Then Baghdad. And
finally the Mission in Ka bul.
There was some question of his
resigning on health grounds, but
apparently the Holy Father
convinced him to continue.
(Handing the sheets to
Lawrence)
He’s certainly served his ministry
in some terrible places.

LAWRENCE
(Absently)
On health grounds? Look into that
will you Ray? Kind of thing the
press like to get hold of.

Lawrence glances back at the SECURITY MAN who follows them at
a discrete di stance.

LAWRENCE (CONT’D)
(Quietly)
And the other matter...?
CONCLAVE by Peter Straughan - Pink Revisions. (27.01.2023) 54.
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In a tense scene set in the Vatican, a canister inside a stove activates, producing a whoosh that coincides with jet-black smoke billowing from a temporary chimney outside the Sistine Chapel, signaling a significant event to the gathered crowd. Inside, Lawrence and Monsignor O'Malley rush through the Sala Regia, discussing a cardinal not officially listed, whose health issues and past in conflict zones raise concerns amidst media scrutiny. Lawrence instructs O'Malley to investigate further, hinting at another undisclosed matter, leaving an air of unresolved tension.
Strengths
  • Building tension and intrigue
  • Revealing hidden agendas
  • Establishing complex character dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Lack of significant character development
  • Limited emotional depth in the interactions

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively builds tension and intrigue through the revelation of Benitez's background and the reactions of the other characters. It sets the stage for potential conflicts and reveals the complexities within the Vatican.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of introducing a new cardinal with a secretive past and potential controversies adds depth to the narrative. It raises questions about loyalty, faith, and the power dynamics within the Vatican.

Plot: 8.5

The plot is advanced significantly in this scene by introducing a new character, setting up potential conflicts, and revealing hidden agendas. It adds layers of complexity to the overall story.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh approach to the portrayal of internal conflicts within the Church, with a focus on transparency and integrity. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and nuanced, adding to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-developed, each with their own motivations and concerns. The interactions between them reveal their personalities and hint at future conflicts.

Character Changes: 7

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the introduction of Benitez and the reactions of the other characters hint at potential transformations and conflicts in the future.

Internal Goal: 8

Lawrence's internal goal in this scene is to uncover the truth behind the mysterious cardinal's resignation on health grounds. This reflects his desire for transparency and integrity within the Church, as well as his fear of scandal and deception.

External Goal: 7

Lawrence's external goal is to manage the media's interest in the mysterious cardinal and prevent any negative publicity that could harm the Church's reputation.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The scene contains a moderate level of conflict, primarily driven by the uncertainty surrounding Benitez's appointment and the reactions of the other cardinals. It sets the stage for potential confrontations and power struggles.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the media scrutiny, internal investigations, and potential scandals creating obstacles for the characters to overcome.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in this scene as the arrival of Benitez threatens to disrupt the status quo within the Vatican and potentially reveal hidden truths. The characters' actions and decisions have significant consequences.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by introducing a new character, setting up potential conflicts, and deepening the mystery surrounding the Vatican. It adds layers of complexity to the narrative.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the hidden agendas, conflicting motivations, and potential revelations that could change the course of the narrative.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the tension between maintaining the Church's image of righteousness and the potential exposure of scandal and corruption. This challenges Lawrence's beliefs in the importance of honesty and accountability within the institution.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7.5

The scene evokes a sense of intrigue and curiosity, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the unfolding events. The tension and uncertainty create an emotional impact.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is engaging and serves to convey information about the characters, their relationships, and the unfolding events. It adds depth to the scene and enhances the tension.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its tense atmosphere, intriguing dialogue, and complex character dynamics. The audience is drawn into the mystery surrounding the mysterious cardinal and Lawrence's investigation.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the unfolding events.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene adheres to the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings, dialogue, and action descriptions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the effectiveness of the scene.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the tension and gravity of the conclave process through the imagery of smoke and the reactions of the crowd. However, the transition from the stove to the exterior of the Sistine Chapel could be smoother. The abrupt shift might confuse readers about the significance of the smoke and its connection to the events unfolding inside.
  • The dialogue between Lawrence and O'Malley is informative but feels somewhat expository. While it provides necessary background information about the cardinal not on the official list, it could benefit from a more natural flow. The dialogue should feel less like a briefing and more like a conversation, perhaps incorporating more emotional stakes or urgency.
  • Lawrence's character is portrayed as contemplative and focused, but the scene lacks a deeper emotional connection. It would be beneficial to explore his internal conflict or feelings about the situation, especially given the high stakes of the conclave. This could enhance the audience's investment in his character.
  • The use of the canary as a motif is intriguing, but its significance is not fully explored in this scene. It could serve as a symbol of innocence or the fragility of the situation, and a brief moment reflecting on its presence could add depth to the scene.
  • The pacing of the scene feels uneven. The initial buildup with the smoke and crowd noise is compelling, but the subsequent dialogue slows the momentum. Balancing the visual and auditory elements with the dialogue could create a more cohesive flow.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment of reflection for Lawrence as he observes the smoke and the crowd, allowing readers to connect with his emotional state and the weight of the moment.
  • Revise the dialogue between Lawrence and O'Malley to feel more conversational. Incorporate interruptions or emotional reactions to heighten the tension and urgency of the situation.
  • Explore the significance of the canary further. Perhaps Lawrence could make a comment about it, drawing a parallel between its captivity and the current situation of the Church, enhancing thematic depth.
  • Smooth the transition between the stove and the exterior scenes by incorporating a visual or auditory cue that links the two, such as the sound of the smoke or a visual of the smoke billowing out as O'Malley speaks.
  • Consider breaking up the dialogue with brief visual descriptions or actions that reflect the characters' emotions, creating a more dynamic and engaging scene.



Scene 28 -  Political Maneuvering in the Scala Regia
63 INT. SCALA REGIA - LATE AFTERNOON 63

The two men descend the stairs, dwarfed by the vast sweep of
white marble. Another SECURITY MAN waits below them.

MONSIGNOR O'MALLEY
I spoke to Monsignor Morales. He
was emphatic that he knows of no
reason why Cardinal Tremblay should
not be Pope.

Lawrence nods, wonders why he does not feel any relief.

LAWRENCE
Thank you.

They pass the SECURITY GUARD who turns and wh ispers into his
sleeve. When they are safely past, O’Malley hesitates.
Then...

MONSIGNOR O'MALLEY
(Low)
However, will you forgive me if I
say that I did not entirely believe
the good monsignor?

Lawrence stares at him as they walk on.

MONSIGNOR O'MALLEY (CONT’D)
He was just... so emphatic? My
Spanish is quite poor and I may
have... accidentally... given him
the impression that you had seen a
document that contr adicted that?
And he said you weren’t to worry
about that. His exact words were -
“El informe ha sido retirado.”

LAWRENCE
A “report?” A report on what?
Withdrawn when?

MONSIGNOR O'MALLEY
That I couldn’t say, Eminence.

They walk on towards the Cortile del Maresciallo and the
waiting minibuses.

64 I/E. MINIBUS - LATE AFTERNOON 64

Lawrence is last on the bus and the only seat still available
is at the front, near Sabbadin.
CONCLAVE by Peter Straughan - Pink Revisions. (27.01.2023) 55.


Reluctantly Lawrence sits down across the aisle from him. For
a moment the two sit in silence, Sabbadin staring out of the
window. Then...

CARDINAL SABBADIN
(Sourly)
Third place. Not what we had hoped.
(Beat)
Your sermon didn’t exactly help us.
And your five votes... with the
greatest respect Thomas, you have
far too little support to emerge as
a serious candidate. There hasn’t
been an English Pope f or a thousand
years.

LAWRENCE
(Without looking at him)
My position is an embarrassment to
me. If I find out who my supporters
are I’ll plead with them to vote
for someone else. And I’ll tell
them I’ll be voting for Bellini.

Sabbadin nods, mollified.

CARDINAL SABBADIN
Alright, that’s five votes coming
to us, which takes us to twenty-
two. All the candidates who
received one vote today will fall
away. Tha t leaves thirty-one votes
available. We simply have to pick
up most of them.

Uncomfortable, Lawrence glances at the driver’s face in the
rear-view mirror, trying to gauge if he has been listening.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary Monsignor O'Malley and Lawrence discuss Cardinal Tremblay's candidacy for Pope as they descend the Scala Regia. O'Malley expresses skepticism about assurances from Monsignor Morales, hinting at a conflicting report. Once in the minibus, Lawrence, feeling embarrassed about his own candidacy, reveals his intention to support Bellini instead. Cardinal Sabbadin critiques Lawrence's lack of backing and emphasizes the need for strategic voting. The scene captures the tension and political dynamics of the election, ending with Lawrence's uncertainty about their conversation being overheard.
Strengths
  • Strong character development
  • Tension-filled dialogue
  • Compelling moral dilemma
Weaknesses
  • Limited physical action
  • Reliance on dialogue for conflict resolution

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys the inner turmoil and ethical struggle of Cardinal Lawrence, setting up a compelling narrative arc for his character. The dialogue is sharp and reveals the conflicting motivations of the characters, adding depth to the scene.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of exploring the ethical quandaries and political maneuvering within the Vatican during a papal election is compelling and well-executed. The scene effectively captures the complexities of power dynamics and personal convictions.

Plot: 8

The plot advances significantly in this scene, as Cardinal Lawrence grapples with his position and makes crucial decisions that will impact the outcome of the papal election. The conflict and stakes are heightened, driving the narrative forward.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces fresh perspectives on power dynamics within the Church hierarchy, with nuanced character interactions and moral dilemmas. The dialogue feels authentic and reveals the complexities of the characters' motivations.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed, with Cardinal Lawrence portrayed as a conflicted and morally upright figure, while Cardinal Sabbadin represents the pragmatic and strategic side of the papal election process. Their interactions add depth and tension to the scene.

Character Changes: 8

Cardinal Lawrence undergoes a significant internal change in this scene, as he grapples with his position and makes a pivotal decision that will impact the outcome of the papal election. His character arc is compelling and adds depth to the narrative.

Internal Goal: 8

Lawrence's internal goal in this scene is to navigate the complex web of alliances and betrayals within the Church hierarchy while maintaining his integrity and moral compass.

External Goal: 7.5

Lawrence's external goal is to secure votes and support for the upcoming election of the Pope, despite facing opposition and skepticism from his peers.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict in the scene is primarily internal, as Cardinal Lawrence faces a moral dilemma and struggles with his position in the papal election. The tension between characters adds depth to the conflict and drives the narrative forward.

Opposition: 7.5

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting agendas, power struggles, and hidden alliances that create obstacles for the protagonist to overcome.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in this scene, as Cardinal Lawrence grapples with his conscience and the future of the papal election. The decisions made by the characters will have far-reaching consequences, adding tension and urgency to the narrative.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward significantly, as Cardinal Lawrence's decisions and interactions set the stage for the next phase of the papal election process. The plot advances, and the stakes are heightened, driving the narrative towards a resolution.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable due to the shifting alliances, hidden agendas, and moral dilemmas that keep the audience guessing about the characters' true motivations.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the themes of power, loyalty, and integrity. Lawrence must balance his personal beliefs with the political maneuvering required to succeed in the Church hierarchy.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene has a strong emotional impact, as Cardinal Lawrence's internal struggle and the high stakes of the papal election resonate with the audience. The tension and moral dilemmas evoke empathy and engagement.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is sharp and impactful, revealing the conflicting ideologies and personal motivations of the characters. It drives the scene forward and adds layers to the character dynamics.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its tense atmosphere, complex character dynamics, and subtle reveals that keep the audience invested in the unfolding drama.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and suspense, with a balance of dialogue-driven moments and character introspection.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene descriptions, character actions, and dialogue.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with a clear setup of conflicts, character interactions, and progression of the narrative.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension by revealing Lawrence's internal conflict regarding Cardinal Tremblay's candidacy. However, the dialogue could be more dynamic to reflect the urgency of the situation. The characters' exchanges feel somewhat flat and could benefit from more emotional stakes.
  • O'Malley's hesitation and the revelation about the withdrawn report create intrigue, but the scene lacks a strong visual element to enhance the atmosphere. Describing the setting in more detail could help ground the audience in the moment and emphasize the gravity of their conversation.
  • Sabbadin's sour demeanor adds to the tension, but his dialogue could be more impactful. Instead of merely stating the facts, he could express his frustration or disappointment more vividly, which would deepen the conflict between him and Lawrence.
  • Lawrence's response to Sabbadin feels passive. Given the stakes, it would be more compelling if he displayed a stronger emotional reaction, whether it be anger, determination, or despair. This would help to illustrate his character's depth and the weight of the situation.
  • The transition from the Scala Regia to the minibus is somewhat abrupt. A smoother transition or a brief moment of reflection from Lawrence could enhance the pacing and provide a clearer connection between the two settings.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more subtext to the dialogue. For example, O'Malley could hint at his own doubts about Tremblay's candidacy without explicitly stating them, creating a more layered conversation.
  • Incorporate more sensory details to enhance the setting. Describe the sounds of the Scala Regia, the feel of the marble underfoot, or the atmosphere in the minibus to immerse the audience in the scene.
  • Give Sabbadin a more memorable line that encapsulates his frustration or skepticism about Lawrence's position. This could be a metaphor or a personal anecdote that highlights the stakes of the election.
  • Allow Lawrence to express his feelings more openly. Perhaps he could voice his fears about the implications of his low vote count or his concerns about the Church's future, making his character more relatable.
  • Use the transition between the Scala Regia and the minibus to reflect Lawrence's mental state. A moment of introspection or a brief flashback could provide insight into his character and the weight of the decisions he faces.



Scene 29 -  The Tension of Neutrality
65 INT. CASA SANTA MARTA - DINING ROOM - NIGHT 65

The cardinals stand around in cliques, sipping wine before
the evening meal. Adeyemi, as the front runner, seems to have
gathered the largest crowd.

Alone, Lawre nce is watching Benitez talking to the cardinals
from Asia and Oceania. Cardinal Mendoza arrives beside him,
follows his gaze.

CARDINAL MENDOZA
(Of Benitez)
An interesting man. I am very
pleased to hear of his elevation.
CONCLAVE by Peter Straughan - Pink Revisions. (27.01.2023) 56.


LAWRENCE
You know him?

CARDINAL MENDOZA
Of him. I was with the Mission in
Iraq, after his time, and people
still spoke of him there and the
work he had done.

TEDESCO (O.S.)
(in English)
So...our dark horse.

Lawrence sighs, turns to find Tedesco and Tremblay beside
him, also surveying the room.

LAWRENCE
Don’t be absurd. I will do all in
my power to withdraw my name from
the second vote.

TEDESCO
(English)
Why?

L AWRENCE
Because I don’t wish to compromise
my neutrality as Dean.

TEDESCO
(English)
Too late.

Tedesco chuckles, continuing in Italian.

TEDESCO (CONT’D) TEDESCO (CONT’D)
< Ah, don’t worry about it. Ah, non preoccupatevi.
As far as I’m concerned, I Per quanto mi riguarda,
want you to continue as a voglio che restiate in lizza.
candidate. You’re splitting Grazie a voi il voto dei
the liberal vote. > liberali è diviso.

He pats Lawrence's shoulder and walks off.

LAWRENCE
If anyone brings up my name please
tell them of my intentions. All I
want to do is serve the Conclave. I
can’t do that if I’m seen as a
contender myself.

Tremblay smiles, nods.
CONCLAVE by Peter Straughan - Pink Revisions. (27.01.2023) 56A.


TREMBLAY
Alright.
CONCLAVE by Peter Straughan - Pink Revisions. (27.01.2023) 57.


He gives a short laugh.

TREMBLAY (CONT’D)
Of course, a more Machiavellian
mind might say it will make you
look like a paragon of virtue.

He laughs again, as if at the absurdity of the suggestion.

LAWRENCE
(Cool)
Well, I shall leave you to handle
it as you see fit.

He walks away.
Genres: ["Drama","Political"]

Summary In the dining room of Casa Santa Marta, cardinals mingle before dinner, with Lawrence observing Benitez's interactions with Asian and Oceanic cardinals. Cardinal Mendoza comments on Benitez's reputation, while Tedesco and Tremblay confront Lawrence about his candidacy in the conclave. Lawrence expresses his wish to withdraw to maintain neutrality, but Tedesco insists it's too late, claiming Lawrence is splitting the liberal vote. Despite Tremblay's light-hearted remarks suggesting that Lawrence's stance could make him appear virtuous, Lawrence walks away, leaving the political tension unresolved.
Strengths
  • Sharp dialogue
  • Tension-filled atmosphere
  • Complex character dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Limited emotional depth
  • Some predictable character interactions

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys the tension and internal conflict faced by Lawrence as he navigates the political landscape of the Conclave. The dialogue is sharp and reveals the complex dynamics between the characters.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring the moral and political dilemmas faced by a candidate in a papal election is intriguing and well-executed in the scene.

Plot: 8.5

The plot advances as Lawrence grapples with the decision to withdraw his name from the candidacy, adding depth to his character and setting up future conflicts.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh approach to the political intrigue genre by focusing on the internal and external goals of the protagonist within the context of a Conclave.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters are well-developed, with Lawrence's internal struggle and the political maneuvering of Tedesco and Tremblay adding layers to the scene.

Character Changes: 8

Lawrence experiences a significant internal conflict and makes a decision that will impact his future actions, showing character growth.

Internal Goal: 8

Lawrence's internal goal in this scene is to maintain his neutrality as Dean and withdraw his name from the second vote. This reflects his desire to serve the Conclave without being seen as a contender for the position.

External Goal: 7

Lawrence's external goal in this scene is to ensure that his intentions are clear to the other cardinals and to avoid being seen as a contender for the position in the Conclave.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict arises from Lawrence's internal struggle and the external pressures from other cardinals, creating a tense atmosphere.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Lawrence facing challenges from other cardinals who have different agendas and goals.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high as Lawrence grapples with the decision to withdraw from the papal candidacy, which could have significant consequences for the Conclave.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by setting up future conflicts and revealing the complexities of the characters' motivations.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because it introduces unexpected twists in the power dynamics and character interactions.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the idea of power and influence within the Vatican. Lawrence's desire to maintain neutrality clashes with the political maneuvering of other cardinals.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7.5

The scene evokes a sense of seriousness and concern, but could benefit from more emotional depth to fully engage the audience.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is sharp, revealing the tensions and power dynamics between the characters, especially in the interactions between Lawrence, Tedesco, and Tremblay.

Engagement: 8

This scene is engaging because it sets up the conflict and tension among the characters, drawing the audience into the power struggles within the Vatican.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged in the power struggles among the characters.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of the scene is clear and follows the expected format for its genre, with dialogue and action lines effectively conveying the tension and power dynamics.

Structure: 9

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre by setting up the conflict and tension among the characters in a formal setting.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes the social dynamics among the cardinals, particularly highlighting Lawrence's isolation and the political maneuvering surrounding the papal election. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtext to enhance the tension and stakes. For instance, Tedesco's comments could hint at deeper motivations or alliances, rather than simply stating that Lawrence is splitting the liberal vote.
  • Lawrence's desire to withdraw his name from consideration is a crucial plot point, but the scene lacks emotional weight. The stakes of his candidacy and the implications of his withdrawal could be more vividly expressed through his internal conflict or through more dynamic interactions with Tedesco and Tremblay.
  • The use of wine as a social lubricant is a nice touch, but it could be leveraged further to illustrate the cardinals' varying levels of comfort and camaraderie. For example, showing how some cardinals are more relaxed while others are tense could visually represent the underlying political tensions.
  • The pacing of the scene feels a bit rushed, particularly in the dialogue exchanges. Allowing for pauses or reactions could enhance the tension and give the audience time to absorb the implications of what is being said. This would also help to build a more immersive atmosphere.
  • The scene ends somewhat abruptly with Lawrence walking away. A more impactful conclusion could involve a moment of reflection or a visual cue that emphasizes his internal struggle, perhaps a lingering shot on his face or a reaction from the other cardinals that hints at the consequences of his decisions.
Suggestions
  • Incorporate more subtext in the dialogue to reveal the characters' true motivations and alliances. This could involve Tedesco making veiled threats or Tremblay hinting at past conflicts.
  • Deepen Lawrence's internal conflict by including brief moments of introspection or physical reactions that convey his anxiety about the election and his role in it.
  • Utilize the setting more effectively by showing how the atmosphere changes as the cardinals drink and socialize. This could include contrasting reactions to the wine, such as some becoming more boisterous while others remain serious.
  • Slow down the pacing by adding pauses in the dialogue or moments of silence that allow the audience to feel the weight of the situation. This could also involve visual cues, such as close-ups of characters' expressions.
  • Consider ending the scene with a more poignant moment that encapsulates Lawrence's turmoil, such as a lingering shot on his face as he walks away, or a significant gesture from another character that hints at the political ramifications of his decisions.



Scene 30 -  A Night of Reflection
66 EXT. APOSTOLIC PALACE - PORTONE DI BRONZO - NIGHT 66

Lawrence and O’Malley walk towards the vast bronze entrance
to the palace, past s aluting Swiss Guards.

67 INT. APOSTOLIC PALACE - STAIRCASE - NIGHT 67

The two walk in silence up the deserted staircase of what
would traditionally be the Papal Apartments.

67A INT. APOSTOLIC PALACE - SALA - NIGHT 67A

They cross a big room and walk into...

68 INT. PAPAL SECRETARY’S OFFICE - NIGHT 68

Lawrence stands at a filing cabinet, looking through the
folders of documents inside. He checks the final folder,
clos es the drawer, unsure whether he feels relieved or
disappointed. O’Malley watches. A beat.

MONSIGNOR O’MALLEY
(Tentatively)
I could try and speak to Monsignor
Morales again? See if I could find
out any more?

LAWRENCE
No, no...
(Gesturing to the room,
them)
This is all so... unseemly.
(MORE)
CONCLAVE by Peter Straughan - Pink Revisions. (27.01.2023) 58.
LAWRENCE (CONT’D)
If this report ever existed, then I
think we can rest assured that it
has indeed been withdrawn. We have
done all that could be expected of
us.

He locks the filing cabinet.

69 EXT. VATICAN GROUNDS - FOUNTAIN - NIGHT 69

The two are walking back towards the Casa Santa Marta.
Lawrence spots Benitez standing by a FOUNTAIN staring into
the water.

LAWRENCE
You go on, Ray.

He walks down a flight of stairs to app roach Benitez who is
gazing into a pool with swimming TURTLES.

LAWRENCE (CONT’D)
The Holy Father’s turtles. He was
very fond of them. A gift from
Angola.

Benitez looks up with delight.

BENITEZ
I thought for a moment I was
imagining them... Where I come
from, they are considered very
special animals. They symbolise
healing and transformation.

LAWRENCE
Well, here they keep escaping and
being run over. We should go back -
the evening curfew.
Genres: ["Drama","Mystery"]

Summary In the quiet of the Apostolic Palace at night, Lawrence and O'Malley search for a missing report in the Papal Secretary's office, but their efforts yield no results. O'Malley suggests consulting Monsignor Morales, but Lawrence feels they have done enough. As they leave, Lawrence encounters Benitez by a fountain, where they discuss the turtles kept by the Holy Father, symbolizing healing and transformation. The scene concludes with Lawrence deciding it's time to return due to the evening curfew, reflecting a contemplative and somber mood.
Strengths
  • Effective tension and mystery building
  • Symbolic interaction with Benitez
  • Reflective and somber atmosphere
Weaknesses
  • Limited external conflict
  • Lack of significant character changes

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively builds tension and mystery through the investigation of the withdrawn report, creating a reflective and somber atmosphere. The addition of symbolism with Benitez's interaction adds depth to the scene.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of investigating a withdrawn report adds depth to the plot, creating intrigue and mystery. The scene effectively explores the consequences of the investigation on the characters.

Plot: 8.5

The plot progresses effectively through the investigation of the withdrawn report, adding layers to the overall story. The scene sets up further developments and reveals character motivations.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh approach to the investigation genre by emphasizing the characters' internal dilemmas and moral quandaries. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-developed, with Lawrence and O'Malley's interactions revealing their motivations and concerns. Benitez's symbolic presence adds an additional layer to the scene.

Character Changes: 7

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the investigation and reflection prompt internal shifts in Lawrence and O'Malley as they navigate the withdrawn report.

Internal Goal: 8

Lawrence's internal goal in this scene is to come to terms with the uncertainty and moral ambiguity surrounding the documents he has been investigating. His actions and dialogue reflect his desire for closure and resolution.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to conclude the investigation and move on from the situation. This goal is influenced by the immediate challenges and pressures he faces within the Vatican.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict in the scene is more internal and subtle, revolving around the investigation of the withdrawn report and the characters' reflections on the situation.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create conflict and uncertainty, with the characters facing internal and external obstacles that challenge their beliefs and actions.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are moderate in this scene, as the investigation of the withdrawn report could have significant consequences for the characters and the overall plot.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by delving into the investigation of the withdrawn report, setting up further developments and revealing character motivations. It adds depth to the overall narrative.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the characters' conflicting motivations and the unresolved tension surrounding the investigation. The audience is left unsure of the outcome and the characters' next steps.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the themes of truth, duty, and moral responsibility. Lawrence's reluctance to pursue further investigation reflects his internal struggle with the ethical implications of his actions.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a somber and reflective emotional impact, drawing the audience into the tension and mystery of the investigation. The characters' introspection adds depth to the emotional resonance.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue effectively conveys the tension and mystery of the investigation, as well as the reflective and somber tone of the scene. The interactions between the characters are engaging and reveal their inner thoughts.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the subtle character dynamics, the sense of mystery surrounding the investigation, and the atmospheric descriptions that draw the reader into the world of the Apostolic Palace.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and suspense, with a gradual escalation of conflict and resolution that keeps the reader engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene adheres to the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings, descriptions, and dialogue formatting that enhance readability and flow.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a traditional structure for its genre, with a clear progression of events and character interactions that build tension and suspense.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures a moment of introspection and tension between Lawrence and O'Malley, but it lacks a strong emotional arc. The dialogue feels somewhat flat and could benefit from more subtext to convey the weight of their situation. Lawrence's internal conflict about the report and the implications of their actions could be more vividly expressed through his physicality and emotional reactions.
  • The transition from the Apostolic Palace to the fountain feels abrupt. While it serves to introduce Benitez, the shift could be smoother. Consider adding a brief moment of reflection or dialogue between Lawrence and O'Malley as they walk, which could deepen their relationship and provide context for Lawrence's decision to approach Benitez.
  • The dialogue about the turtles is charming but feels disconnected from the larger narrative tension. While it adds a moment of levity, it may detract from the urgency of the preceding scene. Balancing lighter moments with the overarching themes of the story is crucial to maintain narrative cohesion.
  • The visual descriptions are somewhat generic. More specific details about the setting could enhance the atmosphere. For example, describing the lighting, the sounds of the night, or the ambiance of the Apostolic Palace could create a more immersive experience for the audience.
  • Lawrence's decision to approach Benitez could be more motivated. What compels him to leave O'Malley and engage with Benitez? Adding a line or two that hints at his curiosity or concern for Benitez's well-being could strengthen this moment.
Suggestions
  • Enhance the emotional stakes by incorporating more internal conflict for Lawrence. Show his hesitation or anxiety through his body language or facial expressions as he grapples with the implications of the report.
  • Smooth the transition between locations by adding a brief moment of dialogue or reflection between Lawrence and O'Malley that highlights their camaraderie and the gravity of their situation.
  • Consider revising the dialogue about the turtles to tie it back to the themes of healing and transformation in a way that resonates with Lawrence's current struggles. This could create a more meaningful connection between the characters and the narrative.
  • Add more vivid sensory details to the setting to create a stronger atmosphere. Describe the sounds of the night, the flickering lights, or the coldness of the air to immerse the audience in the scene.
  • Clarify Lawrence's motivation for approaching Benitez. A line that hints at his concern for Benitez or his desire to connect with someone amidst the chaos could provide a clearer rationale for his actions.



Scene 31 -  A Night of Doubt and Understanding
69A EXT. VATICAN GROUNDS - NIGHT 69A

Lawrence and Benitez walk back towards the Casa.

LAWRENCE
How are you bearing up? Your
health?

Benitez seems to tense a little at the question.

BENITEZ
My health is excellent, thank you.
CONCLAVE by Peter Straughan - Pink Revisions. (27.01.2023) 59.


LAWRENCE
Oh, I only meant have you recovered
from your journey?

BENITEZ
I have indeed.

LAWRENCE
Good. And I noticed in the Sistine
that you found someone to vote for?

BENITEZ
(A shy smile)
Yes. I voted for you.
(Off his stricken
expression)
Forgive me! Am I not supposed to
say?

LAWRENCE
No, it’s not... I’m honoured,
but...My dear Vincent - may
I call you Vincent? - I’m not a
serious candidate. My vocation lies
in a different...

He struggles to think of a suitable term, then finds himself,
to his own surprise, continuing...

LAWRENCE (CONT’D)
After the conclave, I hope to
resign as Dean and to leave Rome
altogether. So, you see, I...

BENITEZ
Why?

Lawrence is wrong-footed.

LAWRENCE
I have been experiencing some...
difficulties...

BENITEZ
With your faith?

LAWRENCE
Prayer. I...

He trails off, embarrassed.
CONCLAVE by Peter Straughan - Pink Revisions. (27.01.2023) 60.


BENITEZ
(Understanding)
“I cry out to You, God but You do
not answer.”

Lawrence shifts uncomfortably - why did he tell him?

LAWRENCE
I only mention it to illustrate my
point that I am in no way worthy to
be Pope.

BENITEZ
Any man who is truly worthy must
consider himself unworthy. Isn’t
that the point you were making in
your homily? That without doubt
there can be no faith? It resonated
with my own exper ience. In my
ministry I have witnessed scenes
which would make any man skeptical
of God’s mercy.

LAWRENCE
(Trying again)
You received a vote yourself didn’t
you?

BENITEZ
I did. It was absurd.

LAWRENCE
Then imagine how you would feel if
I insisted on voting for you and by
some miracle you won.

BENITEZ
(Solemnly)
It would be a disaster for the
Church.

LAWRENCE
That is how it would be if I became
Pope. Think a bout what I’m asking.

He squeezes his shoulder again and they walk on.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary In a contemplative night walk through the Vatican grounds, Lawrence and Benitez discuss their health and recent conclave votes. Benitez reveals he voted for Lawrence, who is surprised and expresses his intention to resign due to personal struggles with faith. They share a moment of vulnerability, acknowledging their unworthiness for the papacy and the heavy implications of such a role. The scene captures their camaraderie amidst deep introspection, ending with a gesture of connection as Lawrence squeezes Benitez's shoulder.
Strengths
  • Nuanced character development
  • Thought-provoking dialogue
  • Emotional depth
Weaknesses
  • Limited external conflict
  • Slow pacing in some parts

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys the emotional and psychological complexities of the characters, setting a reflective and introspective tone that adds depth to the narrative. The dialogue is thought-provoking and reveals the inner turmoil of Lawrence and Benitez, enhancing the overall impact of the scene.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of exploring the inner doubts and conflicts of the characters during a pivotal moment in the papal election is compelling and adds depth to the narrative. The scene effectively conveys the thematic elements of faith, doubt, and the responsibilities of leadership.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene focuses on the internal struggles of the characters, particularly Lawrence, as he grapples with the idea of becoming Pope despite his doubts and personal challenges. The plot progression is driven by the characters' emotional journeys and sets up important conflicts for future developments.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh perspective on the internal conflicts and political dynamics within the Catholic Church. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and thought-provoking, contributing to the scene's originality.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters in the scene, especially Lawrence and Benitez, are well-developed and complex. Their internal conflicts and emotional depth drive the narrative forward, adding layers of complexity to the story. The interactions between the characters reveal their vulnerabilities and inner turmoil, making them relatable and engaging.

Character Changes: 8

The scene showcases significant character development, particularly for Lawrence, as he grapples with his doubts and personal challenges. His internal struggles and decision to withdraw from the papal election mark a pivotal moment in his journey, setting the stage for future growth and transformation.

Internal Goal: 8

Lawrence's internal goal is to come to terms with his doubts and struggles with faith, as well as his desire to resign as Dean and leave Rome. This reflects his deeper need for spiritual clarity and personal fulfillment.

External Goal: 7

Lawrence's external goal is to navigate the political dynamics of the conclave and address the unexpected vote for him as Pope. This reflects the immediate challenge he faces in maintaining his integrity and making a decision about his future.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict in the scene is primarily internal, focusing on the characters' struggles with faith, doubt, and the burden of leadership. While there is tension and emotional turmoil, the conflict is more subtle and psychological, adding depth to the narrative.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, as Lawrence faces internal doubts and external pressures related to his potential candidacy as Pope. Benitez's unexpected vote adds a layer of complexity and conflict to the narrative.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes in the scene are high, as the characters grapple with the decision of who will become the next Pope and the implications of their choices. The internal struggles and doubts faced by Lawrence and Benitez highlight the weight of responsibility and the impact of their decisions.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by deepening the characters' internal conflicts and setting up important plot developments. Lawrence's decision to withdraw from the papal election and his conversation with Benitez foreshadow future events and add complexity to the narrative.

Unpredictability: 7

The scene is unpredictable in its exploration of faith, doubt, and leadership dynamics. The characters' unexpected actions and revelations keep the audience guessing about the outcome.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the themes of doubt, worthiness, and faith. Lawrence and Benitez discuss the concept of unworthiness in relation to leadership and the challenges of belief in the face of skepticism.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene has a strong emotional impact, drawing the audience into the characters' internal struggles and dilemmas. The themes of faith, doubt, and responsibility resonate on a deep level, evoking empathy and reflection from the viewers.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue in the scene is poignant and thought-provoking, reflecting the characters' internal struggles and doubts. It effectively conveys the emotional weight of the situation and adds depth to the character interactions. The dialogue enhances the thematic elements of faith, doubt, and leadership.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its introspective dialogue, emotional depth, and moral complexity. The characters' internal struggles and conflicting beliefs captivate the audience's attention.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and emotional resonance, allowing the characters' dialogue and interactions to unfold naturally. The rhythm of the scene enhances its thematic impact.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene's formatting adheres to the expected format for its genre, enhancing readability and clarity. The dialogue and scene directions are well-organized and contribute to the scene's flow.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a structured format that effectively conveys the characters' motivations and conflicts. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the scene's effectiveness.


Critique
  • The dialogue between Lawrence and Benitez effectively conveys their mutual understanding and the weight of their respective struggles with faith and candidacy. However, the scene could benefit from more subtext; while the characters express their feelings directly, adding layers of unspoken tension or hesitation could enhance the emotional depth.
  • Lawrence's internal conflict about his worthiness to be Pope is a strong theme, but it feels somewhat rushed in this scene. The transition from discussing health to the candidacy could be smoother, allowing for a more natural flow of conversation that reflects Lawrence's reluctance and Benitez's encouragement.
  • Benitez's character is introduced as empathetic and insightful, but the scene could explore his background or experiences more deeply to justify his understanding of Lawrence's struggles. This would create a stronger bond between the two characters and make their dialogue feel more impactful.
  • The pacing of the scene is relatively quick, which may detract from the gravity of their conversation. Slowing down the dialogue or incorporating pauses could allow the audience to absorb the weight of their discussion, particularly around the themes of faith and doubt.
  • The visual elements of the scene are minimal. Describing the setting more vividly could enhance the atmosphere and reflect the characters' emotional states. For example, the night setting could symbolize the uncertainty and darkness surrounding their thoughts on faith and leadership.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more subtext to the dialogue, allowing characters to express their feelings indirectly. This could involve body language, pauses, or interruptions that hint at deeper emotions.
  • Expand on Lawrence's internal conflict by incorporating more of his thoughts or hesitations about his candidacy. This could be done through internal monologue or more reflective dialogue with Benitez.
  • Provide more background on Benitez's character to establish why he is so understanding of Lawrence's struggles. This could be done through a brief anecdote or a reference to his own experiences.
  • Slow down the pacing of the scene by incorporating pauses or moments of silence, allowing the audience to fully grasp the emotional weight of the conversation.
  • Enhance the visual description of the setting to create a more immersive atmosphere. Consider how the night, the Vatican grounds, and the characters' movements can reflect their emotional states.



Scene 32 -  Divided Loyalties
70 INT. CASA SANTA MARTA - PAPAL CORRIDOR - NIGHT 70

Lawrence walks along the corridor. He slows as he sees the
entrance to the Papal suite, still criss-crossed with
ribbons.
CONCLAVE by Peter Straughan - Pink Revisions. (27.01.2023) 61.


On tables on either side of the door, dozens of votive
candles flicker. Bellini stands before them, looking lost in
thought. Lawrence approaches.

LAWRENCE
Aldo, I feel wretched that my
meagre tally may have come at your
expense.

He waits for his friend to look at him but Bellini continues
to stare at the door. Then...

BELLINI
I had no idea you were so
ambitious.

LAWRENCE
(Stung)
That’s a ridiculous thing to say.

Bellini turns to him.

BELLINI
Is it...? I thought we had your
support. If we liberals are not
united then Tedesco will become
Pope! You don’t know how bad it
became, Thomas. The way he and his
circle attacked the Holy Father
towards the end? The smears, the
leaks to the press. It was
savage... He fought him every day
of his pontificate and now that
he’s dead he wants to destroy his
life’s w ork. If Tedesco wins he
will undo sixty years of progress!

Lawrence feels his own temper rising.

LAWRENCE
You talk as if you were the only
alternative, Aldo. Adeyemi has the
wind behind him...

BELLINI
Adeyemi? A man who believes
homosexuals should be sent to
prison in this world and hell in
the next? Adeyemi isn’t the answer
to anything and you know it! If you
want to defeat...
CONCLAVE by Peter Straughan - Pink Revisions. (27.01.2023) 62.


LAWRENCE
“Defeat?” This is a Conclave, Aldo.
You talk as if it’s a war.

BELLINI
Because it is a war! And you have
to commit to a side! Save your
famous doubts for your prayers!

This knocks the wind out of Lawrence. Neither can quite
believe that they’re talking to each other like this.
Lawrence tries again, quietly, urgently...

LAWRENCE
For God’s sake, you cannot
seriously believe I have the
slightest d esire to become Pope?

BELLINI
(Dismissing this
contemptuously)
Oh, every cardinal has that desire!
Every cardinal, deep down inside,
has already chosen the name by
which he would like his papacy to
be known!

LAWRENCE
Well, I haven’t!

BELLINI
Deny it if you like. But search
your heart and then tell me it
isn’t so.

He walks away leaving a distressed Lawrence staring after
him.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary In the dimly lit Papal corridor, Lawrence encounters Bellini, who is troubled by the political maneuvering surrounding the Conclave. As they debate the candidates for Pope, tensions rise, with Bellini warning that Tedesco's ascension could undo years of progress. Lawrence, feeling guilty about his ambitions, insists he has no desire for the papacy, but Bellini accuses him of lacking commitment and urges him to choose a side. Their heated exchange ends with Bellini walking away, leaving Lawrence distressed and alone amidst the flickering candles and symbolic ribbons.
Strengths
  • Intense emotional conflict
  • Nuanced character dynamics
  • Compelling dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Some repetitive dialogue
  • Limited physical action

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys the emotional turmoil and ethical quandary experienced by Lawrence, drawing the audience into the intense dialogue and conflicting perspectives presented by the characters.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring the internal struggles and ethical dilemmas of the characters in the context of a high-stakes papal election is engaging and thought-provoking, adding depth to the narrative.

Plot: 8.5

The plot advances significantly in this scene, revealing key conflicts and tensions among the characters, setting the stage for further developments in the story.

Originality: 8.5

The scene introduces fresh perspectives on the internal conflicts and power dynamics within the Catholic Church, presenting a unique portrayal of the Papal election process. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and engaging, adding depth to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed and their conflicting motivations and beliefs are effectively portrayed, adding layers of complexity to the scene and driving the emotional impact.

Character Changes: 8

Both Lawrence and Bellini undergo significant emotional and moral shifts in the scene, challenging their beliefs and convictions, setting the stage for potential character growth and transformation.

Internal Goal: 8

Lawrence's internal goal in this scene is to maintain his integrity and moral compass amidst the political machinations and pressure to choose sides in the Conclave. His desire to not become Pope reflects his deeper need for authenticity and spiritual fulfillment.

External Goal: 7.5

Lawrence's external goal is to navigate the complex dynamics of the Conclave and maintain his relationships with other cardinals, particularly Bellini. He faces the challenge of staying true to his beliefs while also considering the larger implications of the Papal election.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between Lawrence and Bellini is palpable, reflecting the larger ideological and political tensions within the Conclave, adding depth and intensity to the scene.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting viewpoints and personal stakes that create uncertainty and conflict for the characters. The audience is left unsure of how the power dynamics will play out.

High Stakes: 9

The high stakes of the papal election, the clash of ideologies, and the personal dilemmas faced by the characters heighten the tension and significance of the scene, underscoring the importance of the decisions being made.

Story Forward: 9

The scene propels the story forward by revealing key conflicts, motivations, and decisions that will impact the outcome of the papal election, setting the stage for further developments and revelations.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the shifting allegiances, conflicting ideologies, and emotional outbursts that keep the audience guessing about the characters' motivations and decisions.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the themes of ambition, loyalty, and moral compromise. Lawrence and Bellini represent different perspectives on the role of the Church and the responsibilities of its leaders, highlighting the tension between personal desires and ethical obligations.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene evokes a strong emotional response from the audience, as the characters grapple with their beliefs, desires, and the weight of their decisions, creating a sense of empathy and tension.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is sharp, poignant, and reveals the inner thoughts and emotions of the characters, enhancing the dramatic tension and highlighting the ideological differences between Lawrence and Bellini.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense character dynamics, moral dilemmas, and thematic depth. The conflict between Lawrence and Bellini keeps the audience invested in the outcome of the Papal election.

Pacing: 8.5

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, leading to a climactic confrontation between Lawrence and Bellini. The rhythm of the dialogue and character interactions enhances the scene's emotional impact.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene adheres to the expected format for its genre, with clear scene descriptions, character actions, and dialogue cues that enhance readability and visual storytelling.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a well-defined structure that builds tension and conflict effectively, leading to a dramatic confrontation between the characters. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the scene's emotional impact and thematic resonance.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the tension between Lawrence and Bellini, showcasing their differing perspectives on the Conclave and the implications of their choices. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtext; while the characters express their views directly, incorporating more nuanced language or metaphor could deepen the emotional stakes.
  • Bellini's accusation of Lawrence's ambition feels somewhat abrupt and could use more buildup. A few lines of dialogue or internal monologue reflecting Lawrence's internal conflict about his candidacy could enhance the impact of Bellini's accusation.
  • The pacing of the scene is generally good, but the emotional shifts could be more pronounced. For instance, when Lawrence's temper rises, it might be effective to show a physical reaction or a moment of silence before he responds, emphasizing the weight of their conversation.
  • The stakes of the conversation are clear, but the scene could benefit from a stronger visual element to reinforce the emotional turmoil. For example, describing the flickering candles in more detail could symbolize the fragility of their situation and the uncertainty of the Conclave.
  • The ending, where Bellini walks away, leaves Lawrence distressed but could be more impactful if it included a visual cue or a line that encapsulates his emotional state. This would provide a stronger closure to the scene and leave the audience with a lingering sense of Lawrence's turmoil.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment of reflection for Lawrence before he responds to Bellini's accusation, allowing the audience to feel the weight of his internal struggle.
  • Incorporate more descriptive language regarding the setting, particularly the flickering candles, to enhance the atmosphere and symbolize the tension between the characters.
  • Explore the use of pauses or silence in the dialogue to emphasize the emotional stakes and allow the audience to absorb the gravity of their conversation.
  • Add a line or two that hints at Lawrence's true feelings about the papacy, perhaps through a metaphor or a personal anecdote, to create a deeper connection with the audience.
  • Strengthen the final moment of the scene by including a visual or auditory cue that reflects Lawrence's distress, such as the sound of the flickering candles or a lingering shot of his expression as Bellini walks away.



Scene 33 -  Whispers in the Night
71 INT. CASA SANTA MARTA - LAWRE NCE'S ROOM - NIGHT 71

Lawrence kneels by his bed, in prayer. His eyes stray to the
bed itself, anonymous and bland, the padded headboard, a
faint echo of a similar moment...

But before he can locate the memory his exhaustion overcomes
him. His eyelids flutter, close and slowly he begins to sink
forward into sleep...

71A INT. PAPAL BEDROOM - NIGHT 71A

A DREAM IMAGE
CONCLAVE by Peter Straughan - Pink Revisions. (27.01.2023) 63.


Lawrence straightens, still kneeling by a bed. The LATE POPE
lies before him, just as at the opening of the film.

But now his eyes are open and he stares at Lawrence. A
charged moment. Something vital is about to be said. Lawrence
leans in a little.

The Pope opens his mouth to speak and...

72 INT. CASA SANTA MARTA - LAWRENCE'S ROOM - NIGHT 72

... Lawrence wakes in the darkness, hears a muffled
conversation, hushed and urgent. A man’s baritone. Then, in
reply... a woman’s voice.

Lawrence reaches out a fumbling hand and switches on the
light. Gingerly he straightens up from where he had fallen
asleep, slumped over the bed, his joints in agony. He wonders
if he dreamed the voice. He checks the clock: 2.55am.
Silence. Then he hears it again - a woman’s voice, raised,
accusatory, Adeyemi’s low reply. He pushes against the bed,
standing slowly, the un-oiled springs squeak loud ly.

He tiptoes across the room and listens at the wall but the
voices have fallen silent. After a moment he hears the low
rumble of Adeyemi’s voice again, followed by the click of a
door closing.

He hurries to his own door and opens it...

72A INT. CASA SANTA MARTA - CORRIDOR - NIGHT 72A

Lawrence peers out into the corridor, just in time to see a
flash of the blue uniform as it disappears around the corner .

He stands undecided for a moment, then quietly closes the
door and...

72B INT. CASA SANTA MARTA - LAWRENCE’S ROOM - NIGHT 72B

... sits on his bed, mind whirring.


TITLE CARD: SECOND DAY OF CONCLAVE

73 EXT. CASA SANTA MARTA - COURTYARD - MORNING 73

The sea of cardinals mill around the courtyard, ready for the
second day of the Conclave. Lawrence, bleary-eyed from his
broken night, sees O’Malley approach.
CONCLAVE by Peter Straughan - Pink Revisions. (27.01.2023) 64.


MONSIGNOR O'MALLEY
Good morning, Your Eminence. Did
you sleep well?

LAWRENCE
Perfectly, thank you.

MONSIGNOR O'MALLEY
The buses are ready.

Lawrence notices Bellini in the throng, watching him.

LAWRENCE
I think I’ll walk.
Genres: ["Drama","Mystery"]

Summary In a dimly lit room at Casa Santa Marta, Lawrence kneels in prayer, reflecting on a memory before succumbing to exhaustion and dreaming of the Late Pope. He awakens to muffled voices, overhearing a tense conversation between a woman and Adeyemi, which leaves him unsettled. Curious yet hesitant, he peeks into the corridor but only catches a glimpse of a figure in a blue uniform before retreating to his bed, his mind racing with questions. The scene concludes as Lawrence sits in contemplation, marking the transition to the second day of the Conclave.
Strengths
  • Effective portrayal of internal conflict
  • Building anticipation for the Conclave
  • Strong character development
Weaknesses
  • Limited external action
  • Some dialogue could be more impactful

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys Lawrence's emotional state and builds anticipation for the upcoming events in the Conclave. The tension and mystery surrounding the late-night conversations add depth to the narrative.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring Lawrence's inner struggles and the external pressures of the Conclave is compelling. The scene sets up important themes of doubt, ambition, and unity within the Church.

Plot: 8.5

The plot progression in the scene is significant as it sets the stage for the second day of the Conclave and hints at potential conflicts and alliances among the cardinals. The scene moves the story forward by deepening the character development.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh approach to the religious setting by focusing on the personal struggles of the protagonist rather than traditional religious themes. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds depth to the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters, especially Lawrence, are well-developed in this scene, showcasing their internal conflicts and motivations. The interactions between Lawrence, O'Malley, and Bellini add depth to their relationships.

Character Changes: 7

Lawrence undergoes subtle changes in his perspective and decisions throughout the scene, hinting at his evolving character arc. The interactions with other characters also influence his choices.

Internal Goal: 8

Lawrence's internal goal in this scene is to uncover the source of the mysterious voices he hears in the night. This reflects his desire for clarity and understanding in a situation that is unsettling and unfamiliar.

External Goal: 7

Lawrence's external goal is to navigate the second day of the Conclave and maintain his composure despite his lack of sleep. This reflects the immediate challenge he faces in fulfilling his duties as a religious leader.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict in the scene is more internal and subtle, focusing on Lawrence's personal dilemmas and the political tensions within the Conclave. The stakes are high but not overtly dramatic.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create tension and uncertainty, with the mysterious voices and the appearance of the Pope in Lawrence's dream adding layers of conflict.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in terms of the outcome of the Conclave and the future leadership of the Church. Lawrence's personal struggles and the political tensions add complexity to the high stakes.

Story Forward: 8

The scene effectively moves the story forward by setting up key conflicts, alliances, and character dynamics for the upcoming events in the Conclave. It deepens the narrative and builds anticipation.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the mysterious voices Lawrence hears and the unexpected turn of events with the appearance of the Pope in his dream.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the tension between duty and personal well-being. Lawrence must balance his responsibilities as a religious figure with his own physical and emotional needs.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a sense of empathy and intrigue, drawing the audience into Lawrence's emotional journey and the uncertainties he faces. The somber tone and reflective moments add depth to the emotional impact.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue effectively conveys the tension and uncertainty present in the scene. The conversations between characters reveal their conflicting emotions and hidden agendas.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it creates a sense of mystery and suspense, drawing the audience into Lawrence's internal and external struggles.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a gradual build-up of tension and suspense that keeps the audience engaged. The rhythm of the scene contributes to its effectiveness in conveying the protagonist's internal and external struggles.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and easy to follow, with proper scene headings and descriptions. It adheres to the expected format for a screenplay.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with distinct beats that build tension and intrigue. It adheres to the expected format for a dramatic screenplay.


Critique
  • The scene effectively transitions from a moment of introspection and prayer to a sense of urgency and mystery, which is a strong narrative device. However, the dream sequence could benefit from more vivid imagery or emotional weight to enhance its significance. The audience should feel the gravity of the moment when Lawrence dreams of the Late Pope, but the current description feels somewhat flat and lacks emotional resonance.
  • The dialogue in the dream sequence is absent, which could be an opportunity to convey important themes or messages from the Late Pope to Lawrence. Even a single line could add depth to the dream and provide insight into Lawrence's internal struggles or the stakes of the Conclave.
  • The pacing of the scene is generally effective, but the transition from the dream back to reality could be smoother. The abrupt cut back to Lawrence waking up might disorient the audience. Consider adding a brief moment of reflection or a lingering feeling from the dream before he hears the muffled voices.
  • The use of sound in the scene is commendable, particularly the muffled voices that create tension and intrigue. However, the description of the voices could be more specific to enhance the atmosphere. For example, describing the tone or emotional state of the voices could heighten the suspense and draw the audience in further.
  • The final moments of the scene, where Lawrence sees the flash of the blue uniform, are visually compelling but could be expanded upon. Adding a brief internal monologue or reaction from Lawrence could provide insight into his thoughts and feelings about what he just witnessed, enhancing character development.
Suggestions
  • Enhance the dream sequence by incorporating more vivid imagery or emotional context to convey the significance of the Late Pope's presence and what he represents for Lawrence.
  • Consider including a line of dialogue from the Late Pope in the dream to provide thematic depth and insight into Lawrence's internal conflict.
  • Smooth the transition between the dream and waking moments by adding a reflective beat that captures Lawrence's emotional state before he hears the muffled voices.
  • Specify the emotional tone of the muffled voices to create a more immersive atmosphere and build tension in the scene.
  • Expand on Lawrence's reaction after seeing the blue uniform, perhaps through a brief internal monologue that reflects his concerns or suspicions about what he just witnessed.



Scene 34 -  Whispers of Power
74 EXT. VATICAN GARDENS - MORNING 74

Lawrence walks, aware of the inevitable SECURITY MAN trailing
him and the crackle of his walkie-talkie. From the sky above
comes the drone of circling heli copters. A gust of wind
almost takes Lawrence’s zucchetto.

LAWRENCE
(Under his breath)
Oh, do go away.

Moments later a figure appears at his side - Adeyemi.

ADEYEMI
Good morning, Dean.

LAWRENCE
Joshua.

They walk in uncomfortable silence for a moment.

ADEYEMI
I want you to know that I very much
agreed with your homily yesterday.

Lawrence looks at him in surprise.

ADEYEMI (CONT’D)
We are all tested in our faith,
Dean. W e all lapse. But the
Christian faith is, above all, a
message of forgiveness.

LAWRENCE
And tolerance.
CONCLAVE by Peter Straughan - Pink Revisions. (27.01.2023) 65.


ADEYEMI
Exactly. Tolerance. I trust that
when this election is over, your
moderating voice will be heard in
the very highest counsels of the
Church. It certainly will be if I
have anything to do with it. The
very highest counsels.

CARDINAL NAKITANDA (O.S.)
Joshua!

ADEYEMI
Excuse me, Dean.

He falls back to talk to two of the African cardinals walking
behind them. Lawrence walks on, wondering if Adeyemi has just
offered him the position of Secretary of State as a bribe.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary In the Vatican Gardens, Lawrence walks under the watchful eye of a SECURITY MAN and the sound of helicopters, feeling the weight of political tension. Adeyemi joins him, awkwardly praising Lawrence's recent homily while hinting at support for his rise within the Church, which Lawrence interprets as a potential bribe. Their conversation is cut short when Cardinal Nakitanda calls for Adeyemi, leaving Lawrence to contemplate the implications of their exchange as he walks alone, symbolizing the instability of his position.
Strengths
  • Exploration of faith and forgiveness
  • Complex character dynamics
  • Engaging dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Unresolved tensions
  • Lack of external conflict

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys the emotional and psychological depth of the characters, setting a tense and reflective tone. It explores themes of faith, forgiveness, and tolerance in a compelling manner, adding layers to the characters' motivations and conflicts.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring faith, forgiveness, and tolerance within the context of the Church during a high-stakes event like the Conclave is compelling. The scene effectively delves into the internal struggles of the characters, adding depth to the narrative.

Plot: 8

The plot progresses as the characters navigate the complexities of the Conclave, revealing their internal conflicts and motivations. The scene moves the story forward by introducing new tensions and character dynamics, setting up future developments.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces fresh perspectives on the themes of faith and power within the Catholic Church, with authentic character actions and dialogue that feel true to the setting and context.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed, particularly Lawrence and Adeyemi, as they grapple with their faith, doubts, and the pressures of the Conclave. Their interactions reveal layers of complexity and internal struggles, adding depth to the narrative.

Character Changes: 8

The characters, particularly Lawrence, undergo internal changes as they confront their faith, doubts, and the pressures of the Conclave. Their interactions and reflections reveal growth and development, adding complexity to their arcs.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to navigate the political and power dynamics within the Church while staying true to his beliefs and values. This reflects his deeper need for integrity and authenticity in the face of temptation and manipulation.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to maintain his position and influence within the Church hierarchy, while also potentially considering a new opportunity presented to him by Adeyemi.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict in the scene is primarily internal, focusing on the characters' struggles with faith, doubts, and the pressures of the Conclave. While there are tensions and disagreements, the conflict is more subtle and psychological.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Adeyemi presenting a moral and ethical challenge to the protagonist, creating uncertainty and conflict in the narrative.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in the scene as the characters navigate the Conclave, facing internal conflicts, doubts, and the pressures of electing a new Pope. The decisions made and the interactions have significant implications for the Church and the characters involved.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing new tensions, character dynamics, and conflicts within the context of the Conclave. It sets up future developments and reveals the internal struggles of the characters, advancing the narrative.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected offer made to the protagonist by Adeyemi, as well as the underlying tension and subtext in the interactions between the characters.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the themes of faith, forgiveness, and tolerance. Adeyemi's words challenge Lawrence's beliefs and values, forcing him to confront his own convictions and principles.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene has a strong emotional impact, delving into the characters' internal struggles and doubts, as well as themes of forgiveness and tolerance. The reflective and tense atmosphere evokes empathy and connection with the characters.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is engaging and thought-provoking, reflecting the characters' internal conflicts and the themes of faith and forgiveness. It effectively conveys the tensions and emotions of the scene, enhancing the overall impact.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the tension between the characters, the subtle power dynamics at play, and the moral dilemmas faced by the protagonist. The dialogue is sharp and thought-provoking.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and suspense, with a balance of dialogue and action that keeps the audience engaged. The rhythm of the scene enhances its emotional impact.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting. The visual descriptions enhance the atmosphere of the setting.

Structure: 9

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the effectiveness of the scene.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes a sense of tension and unease with the presence of the SECURITY MAN and the helicopters, which adds to the atmosphere of scrutiny surrounding Lawrence. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtext to enhance the underlying tension between Lawrence and Adeyemi. As it stands, the conversation feels somewhat straightforward and lacks the complexity that could make their relationship more intriguing.
  • Lawrence's reaction to Adeyemi's praise of his homily is a pivotal moment, but it could be more nuanced. Instead of merely expressing surprise, Lawrence could exhibit a mix of skepticism and curiosity about Adeyemi's intentions, which would deepen the conflict and tension in their interaction. This would also align with the theme of political maneuvering within the Church.
  • The abrupt interruption by CARDINAL NAKITANDA feels somewhat jarring and could be better integrated into the flow of the scene. It might be more effective if the interruption serves to heighten the tension or reveal something about Adeyemi's character or motivations, rather than simply breaking the moment.
  • The visual imagery of the Vatican Gardens is a strong backdrop, but it could be enhanced by incorporating more sensory details that reflect Lawrence's internal state. For example, describing the weather or the sounds of the gardens could mirror his feelings of being trapped or scrutinized, adding depth to the scene.
  • The ending leaves the audience with a sense of ambiguity regarding Adeyemi's intentions, which is effective. However, it could be strengthened by providing a clearer emotional response from Lawrence, perhaps through a brief internal monologue or a physical reaction that conveys his discomfort with the implied offer.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more subtext to the dialogue between Lawrence and Adeyemi to create a sense of tension and ambiguity about their relationship and intentions.
  • Enhance Lawrence's reaction to Adeyemi's praise by incorporating a mix of skepticism and curiosity, which would add depth to their interaction.
  • Integrate CARDINAL NAKITANDA's interruption more smoothly into the scene, possibly using it to reveal more about Adeyemi's character or motivations.
  • Incorporate more sensory details about the Vatican Gardens to reflect Lawrence's internal state and enhance the atmosphere of the scene.
  • Provide a clearer emotional response from Lawrence at the end of the scene, possibly through an internal monologue or physical reaction, to strengthen the ambiguity surrounding Adeyemi's offer.



Scene 35 -  Tension in the Conclave
75 INT. SISTINE CHAPEL - MORNING 75

Pencils scratch the names of cardinals on ballot papers...

Elderly cardinals labour down the aisle, ballots held aloft
in shaking hands...

Ballot papers are dropped into the urn...

A needle pierces a ballot paper with scarlet thread...

Cardinal Lombardi leans into the microphone.

CARDINAL LOMBARDI CARDINAL LOMBARDI
(Italian ) I risultati del secondo
< The results of the second scrutinio sono i seguenti.
ballot are... Cardinal Cardinale Adeyemi:
Adeyemi: thirty-four votes. trentaquattro voti. Cardinale
Cardinal Tedesco: twenty-five Tedesco: venticinque voti.
votes. Cardinal Bellini: Cardinale Bellini: diciotto
eighteen votes. Cardinal voti. Car dinale Tremblay:
Tremblay: sixteen votes. sedici voti. Cardinale
Cardinal Lawrence: nine Lawrence: nove voti...
votes... >

Lawrence barely has time to register this increase in his
tally before...

CARDINAL LOMBARDI (CONT’D) CARDINAL LOMBARDI (CONT’D)
< Cardinal Benitez: two Cardinale Benítez: due voti.
votes. Other cardinals Cardinali a cui è stato
assigned a single vote: four assegnato un solo voto:
votes. > quattro voti.
CONCLAVE by Peter Straughan - Pink Revisions. (27.01.2023) 66.


Lawrence stands and walks to the microphone, aware of the
whispered conversations around him.

LAWRENCE LAWRENCE
(Italian) Fratelli, in conformità con
< My brothers, in accordance la Costituzione apostolica,
with the Apostolic non ci fermeremo a bruciare
Constitution, we will not le schede a questo punto , ma
stop to burn the ballot procederemo immediatamente al
papers at this point, but successivo scrutinio...
instead proceed immediately
to the next vote... >

76 INT. SISTINE CHAPEL - MORNING / LATER 76

Again...

Pencils scratch the names of cardinals on ballot papers...

Elderly cardinals labour down the aisle, ballots held aloft
in shaking hands...

Ballot papers are dropped into the urn...

A needle pierces a ballot paper with scarlet thread...

Lawrence holds his pen, tip down, on his desk, waiting for
the results. Cardinal Lombardi leans into the microphone.

CARDINAL LOMBARDI CARDINAL LOMBARDI
(Italian) I risultati del terzo
< The results of the third scrutinio sono i seguenti.
ballot are... Cardinal Cardinale Adeyemi:
Adeyemi: fifty-two votes...> cinquantadue voti...

Lawrence glances at Adeyemi. The Nigerian has his head sunk
on his chest in prayer.

CARDINAL LOMBARDI (CONT’D) CARDINAL LOMBARDI (CONT’D)
< ...Cardinal Tedesco: thirty ...Cardinale Tedesco: trenta
votes. Cardinal... > voti. Cardinale...

The pen in his hand suddenly vibrates. A faint tremor runs
through the sound-proofed chamber. Lombardi, feeling it,
hesitates. The rows of cardinals stir. Lombardi, puzzled,
looks to Lawrence, who frowns, nods him to continue...
CONCLAVE by Peter Straughan - Pink Revisions. (27.01.2023) 67.


CARDINAL LOMBARDI (CONT’D) CARDINAL LOMBARDI (CONT’D)
(Resuming) (Resuming)
< Cardinal Tremblay: ten Cardinale Tremblay: dieci
votes. Cardinal Bellini: nine voti. Cardinale Bellini: nove
votes. Cardinal Lawrence: voti. Cardinale Lawrence:
five votes. Cardinal Benitez cinque voti. Cardinale
two votes. > Benítez due voti.

77 INT. CASA SANTA MARTA - KITCHEN CORRIDOR - DAY 77

Two NUNS stand at a window, staring out at the city beyond. A
sinister thread of black smoke is rising from somewhere in
the east, on the Quirinal Hill. Distantly we hear the sound
of sirens wailing. One of the Nuns clasps her hands and
begins to pray in a low, urgent murmur. Sister Agnes appears
behind them. They glance at her nervously, but from her look
understand they are to continue.

78 INT. SALA REGIA - DAY 78

Lawrence walks with O’Malley. Two SECU RITY MEN hurry past
them.

LAWRENCE
(Quietly)
I take it something has happened?

MONSIGNOR O’MALLEY
There’s been an explosion your
Eminence. In the Piazza Barberini.

LAWRENCE
Dear God. A bomb?

MONSIGNOR O’MALLEY
It’s unclear at this moment. There
are injuries but no talk of
fatalities so far.

Lawrence considers for a moment.

LAWRENCE
Say nothing to the cardinal-
electors about this Ray. We are
sequestered and t hey must be
shielded from any news of the
outside world in case it influences
their judgement. You understand?

MONSIGNOR O’MALLEY
Of course your Eminence.
CONCLAVE by Peter Straughan - Pink Revisions. (27.01.2023) 68.


They walk on in silence.
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In the Sistine Chapel during a papal conclave, Cardinal Lombardi announces the results of the second and third ballots as Cardinal Lawrence decides to proceed with the next vote without burning the ballots. A tremor disrupts the proceedings, and outside, nuns witness black smoke rising, hinting at an explosion. Cardinal Lawrence learns from Monsignor O'Malley about an explosion in Piazza Barberini but instructs him to keep this information from the cardinal-electors to maintain their focus. The scene is marked by tension and somberness as the cardinals remain committed to their voting amidst the chaos.
Strengths
  • Tension-building
  • Character dynamics
  • Plot progression
Weaknesses
  • Potential lack of clarity in some character motivations

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged with the high stakes and uncertain outcomes of the papal election. The dialogue and character interactions add depth to the unfolding events, creating a sense of urgency and intrigue.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a papal election amidst uncertainty and potential danger is compelling and well-executed in the scene. It explores themes of power, faith, and intrigue within the context of the Conclave.

Plot: 8.5

The plot of the scene is engaging and moves the story forward, setting up key conflicts and character dynamics within the Conclave. The unfolding events add depth to the narrative and keep the audience invested in the outcome.

Originality: 8

The scene offers a fresh perspective on the inner workings of a papal conclave, presenting a unique blend of political intrigue and spiritual conflict. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and add depth to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters in the scene are well-developed and their reactions to the unfolding events add depth to the narrative. The interactions between the cardinals and their internal conflicts enhance the tension and suspense of the scene.

Character Changes: 8

Several characters undergo changes in the scene, as they grapple with the escalating tensions and uncertainties of the papal election. Their reactions and decisions reflect their evolving motivations and internal conflicts.

Internal Goal: 8

Lawrence's internal goal is to navigate the political and spiritual challenges of the papal conclave while maintaining his integrity and faith.

External Goal: 7.5

Lawrence's external goal is to ensure the smooth progression of the voting process and maintain order within the conclave amidst external disturbances.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8.5

The level of conflict in the scene is high, with tensions rising as the papal election unfolds amidst uncertainty and potential danger. The conflicting motivations of the characters add depth to the conflict and drive the narrative forward.

Opposition: 7.5

The opposition in the scene is strong, with external disturbances and internal conflicts challenging the characters' decisions and actions.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes in the scene are high, with the outcome of the papal election having significant implications for the characters and the Church. The escalating tensions and potential danger add urgency and suspense to the narrative.

Story Forward: 9

The scene effectively moves the story forward, setting up key conflicts and character dynamics within the Conclave. The unfolding events add depth to the narrative and keep the audience invested in the outcome of the papal election.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected external disturbances and the characters' shifting allegiances and decisions.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the balance between tradition and modernity, as well as the ethical considerations of political maneuvering within the church.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene has a strong emotional impact, conveying the characters' anxieties and concerns effectively. The high stakes and uncertain outcomes of the papal election create a sense of urgency and intrigue, keeping the audience emotionally engaged.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue in the scene is tense and impactful, conveying the characters' emotions and motivations effectively. It adds depth to the unfolding events and enhances the overall atmosphere of the Conclave.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its blend of suspenseful moments, moral dilemmas, and political intrigue that keep the audience invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the unfolding events.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting adheres to the conventions of screenplay format, making it easy to follow and visualize the unfolding events.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a dramatic sequence set in a high-stakes environment, effectively building tension and suspense.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the tension and gravity of the conclave process, with the physical act of voting serving as a metaphor for the weighty decisions being made. However, the dialogue could benefit from more emotional depth. The cardinals' reactions to the voting results feel somewhat flat; adding internal thoughts or brief exchanges that reveal their fears or hopes could enhance the stakes.
  • The use of Italian in the dialogue adds authenticity, but it may alienate some viewers who do not understand the language. Consider providing subtitles or translating key phrases to ensure that the audience remains engaged and understands the significance of the dialogue.
  • The transition between the voting results and the subsequent explosion is abrupt. While the tension builds effectively during the voting, the sudden shift to the explosion feels jarring. A smoother transition or a moment of reflection from Lawrence could help bridge these two significant events.
  • The physical descriptions of the cardinals and their actions during the voting process are vivid, but the scene could benefit from more sensory details. Describing the atmosphere—such as the smell of incense, the flickering candlelight, or the sound of rustling robes—could immerse the audience further into the setting.
  • Lawrence's character is central to the scene, but his emotional response to the voting results could be more pronounced. Instead of merely stating the results, consider showing his internal conflict through his body language or a brief moment of introspection that reveals his thoughts on the implications of the votes.
Suggestions
  • Incorporate brief internal monologues or reactions from Lawrence and other cardinals to convey their emotional states during the voting process, enhancing the audience's connection to the characters.
  • Consider adding subtitles for the Italian dialogue to maintain accessibility for all viewers while preserving the authenticity of the setting.
  • Create a more gradual transition between the voting results and the explosion by including a moment of silence or a reflective pause from Lawrence before the news of the explosion is revealed.
  • Enhance the sensory details in the scene to create a more immersive experience, allowing the audience to feel the weight of the moment through sound, smell, and visual cues.
  • Showcase Lawrence's emotional turmoil more explicitly after the voting results are announced, perhaps through a physical reaction or a moment of vulnerability that highlights the pressure he is under.



Scene 36 -  Tensions at the Table
79 INT. CASA SANTA MARTA - DINING ROOM - DAY 79

The cardinals at lunch. Some surreptitiously look to the
windows, searching the skies for the dispersing veil of
distant smoke.

Lawrence comes with a plate from the buffet, hesitates, then
takes a seat at Bellini’s table. The two men avoid each
other’s gaze. The other cardinals continue their stilted
conversation - everyone aware that something has happened in
the outside world.

CARDINAL VILLANUEVA
Well, it would seem that Adeyemi
will be Pope before the day is out.

No-one answers for a moment.

CARDINAL VILLANUEVA (CONT’D)
I suppose the first black Pope will
be a tremendous thing for the
world.

CARDINAL SABBADIN
What am I supposed to tell them in
Milan when they start to discover
our new Pope’s social views?

Lawrence is suddenly awar e of a Cardinal at his shoulder. It
is Guttoso.

GUTTOSO GUTTOSO
(Quietly, Italian) (Quietly)
< Dean, this morning’s Decano, l'incidente di
incident. Have you heard stamattina. Avete sentito
any...? > qualcosa ...?

LAWRENCE LAWRENCE
(Interrupting, Italian) (Interrupting, Italian)
< Your Eminence, we are Eminenza, siamo in
sequestered. > isolamento.

GUTTOSO GUTTOSO
< Of course, but as a Roman Certo, ma essendo io stesso
myself... > romano...
CONCLAVE by Peter Straughan - Pink Revisions. (27.01.2023) 69.


LAWRENCE LAWRENCE
(Firmly) (Firmly)
< I’m sorry. Paragraph four Mi dispiace. Il quarto
of the Apostolic Constitution paragrafo della Costituzione
is quite clear. > Apostolica è piuttosto chiaro
in proposito.

Guttoso hesitates then, disgruntled, nods and walks away.
Lawrence turns back to the table aware that the others have
been listening. There is a beat of embarrassed silence. Then
Bellini steps in, a s if there had been no interruption.

BELLINI
Tell your congregation in Milan to
celebrate the first African pontiff
in the history of the Church.

CARDINAL SABBADIN
If Adeyemi was white we’d all be
condemning him as more reactionary
then Tedesco. It’s only because
he’s...

BELLINI
(Sharp)
Enough! It’s too late for this talk
now.

His eyes flick to Lawrence and away again.

BELLINI (CONT’D)
All too late.

Lawrence is n o longer listening. Under the chatter of the
room he is puzzled to discern a raised voice. Suddenly there
is a crash. He turns, in time to see a NUN hurrying back to
the kitchens, followed by two more SISTERS as Adeyemi leaves
his table and heads out of the room.

LAWRENCE
What happened?

Beside him, Landolfi shrugs, disinterested.

CARDINAL LANDOLFI
She dropped a bottle of wine.

No-one is paying much attention. A Nun appears with mop and
bucket to clear up the mess. Lawrence looks at Adeyemi’s
empty chair.
CONCLAVE by Peter Straughan - Pink Revisions. (27.01.2023) 70.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary During a tense lunch at Casa Santa Marta, cardinals discuss the potential election of Adeyemi as Pope, highlighting the significance of his race. Lawrence enforces isolation rules while Bellini attempts to quell dissenting opinions. The atmosphere is disrupted by a nun's accident, but Landolfi dismisses it. The scene captures the cardinals' unease and unresolved conflicts regarding Adeyemi's candidacy, ending with Lawrence's gaze at Adeyemi's empty chair.
Strengths
  • Intense conflict
  • Emotional depth
  • Strong character dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue may be overly expository

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys the high stakes and emotional turmoil within the conclave, keeping the audience engaged with its tense atmosphere and character dynamics.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring the inner workings of a papal conclave and the personal struggles of the cardinals is compelling and well-executed.

Plot: 8.5

The plot of the scene advances the narrative by revealing the power struggles and personal conflicts within the conclave, adding depth to the overall story.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh take on the power struggles and political intrigue within the Church, with nuanced character interactions and dialogue that feel authentic and engaging.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters are well-developed, each with their own motivations and conflicts, adding layers to the scene's dynamics.

Character Changes: 8

Several characters experience internal conflicts and changes during the scene, adding depth to their arcs and motivations.

Internal Goal: 8

Lawrence's internal goal in this scene is to navigate the complex social dynamics and power struggles within the Church while maintaining his own integrity and beliefs.

External Goal: 7.5

The protagonist's external goal is to maintain order and decorum within the dining room despite the underlying tensions and conflicts among the cardinals.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict among the characters is intense and drives the scene forward, creating a sense of urgency and drama.

Opposition: 7.5

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting viewpoints, power struggles, and unexpected events that challenge the protagonist and keep the audience guessing.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high within the conclave, with the election of a new Pope and the personal ambitions of the cardinals at play, adding tension and drama to the scene.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by revealing key developments in the conclave and the characters' decisions, setting the stage for future events.

Unpredictability: 7.5

This scene is unpredictable due to the shifting power dynamics, conflicting viewpoints, and unexpected events that keep the audience on edge.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the themes of tradition vs. progress, conservatism vs. liberalism, and power vs. integrity. The characters' differing views on the new Pope and social issues highlight these conflicts.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene evokes strong emotions from the audience, particularly feelings of tension, regret, and conflict, enhancing the overall impact.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue effectively conveys the tension and conflict between the characters, revealing their inner thoughts and motivations.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its tense atmosphere, sharp dialogue, and complex character dynamics that keep the audience invested in the unfolding drama.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and suspense, with a rhythmic flow that keeps the audience engaged and invested in the unfolding drama.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and concise, following the expected format for its genre and enhancing the readability of the script.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution that drive the narrative forward.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the tension and unease among the cardinals, reflecting the weight of the events occurring outside. The use of dialogue to convey differing opinions about Adeyemi's potential papacy adds depth to the political dynamics at play.
  • The interaction between Lawrence and Guttoso highlights the strict adherence to the rules of the conclave, but it could benefit from more emotional stakes. Guttoso's disgruntlement feels somewhat flat; exploring his motivations or frustrations could enhance the conflict.
  • The dialogue among the cardinals is realistic, but it risks becoming too expository. The mention of Adeyemi's social views and the implications of his potential papacy could be woven into the conversation more organically to avoid feeling like a lecture.
  • The scene's pacing is uneven, particularly with the transition from the serious discussion to the interruption caused by the nun. While this moment adds a touch of levity, it may detract from the overall tension. A smoother transition or a more significant reaction from the cardinals could help maintain the scene's gravity.
  • The visual elements, such as the distant smoke and the nun's mishap, serve to symbolize the chaos outside, but they could be more explicitly tied to the characters' emotional states. For instance, how does the smoke affect Lawrence's thoughts or feelings about the conclave?
Suggestions
  • Consider deepening Guttoso's character by providing a brief backstory or motivation for his inquiry about the incident. This could create a more engaging conflict with Lawrence.
  • Integrate the discussion about Adeyemi's potential papacy more naturally into the dialogue, perhaps by having characters react to specific events or rumors rather than making broad statements.
  • Enhance the emotional stakes of the scene by showing how the cardinals' discussions about Adeyemi personally affect Lawrence. This could be achieved through internal monologue or more expressive body language.
  • Refine the pacing by ensuring that the interruption caused by the nun feels like a natural part of the scene rather than a jarring shift. Consider using the moment to reflect the cardinals' tension rather than diverting from it.
  • Use the visual symbolism of the smoke and the nun's accident to create a stronger thematic connection to the characters' internal struggles, perhaps by having Lawrence reflect on the implications of the chaos outside as he observes the scene.



Scene 37 -  A Disturbing Encounter
80 INT. CASA SANTA MARTA - DINING ROOM BUFFET - DAY 80

Lawrence stands getting coffee. He turns and finds three of
the African Cardinals behind him, their expressions mournful.
And his heart sinks. For a moment he has a mad impulse to
flee. But...

CARDINAL NAKITANDA
May we have a word, Dean?

LAWRENCE
Of course.

CARDINAL NAKITANDA
Our brother Joshua is troubled.

LAWRENCE
What just happened?

The cardinals exchan ge glances.

CARDINAL NAKITANDA
One of the nuns serving our table
started talking to him. He tried to
ignore her and then she dropped her
tray and shouted something. He got
up and left.

LAWRENCE
What did she say to him?

CARDINAL NAKITANDA
We don’t know. She was speaking
Yoruba.

LAWRENCE
Where is Cardinal Adeyemi now?

Nakitanda shrugs, takes his arm.

CARDINAL NAKITANDA
Clearly something is wrong, Dean,
and he must tell us what. We have
waited a long time for an African
Pope. But he must be pure in heart
and conscience. Anything less would
be a disaster for us all.

81 OMITTED 81
CONCLAVE by Peter Straughan - Pink Revisions. (27.01.2023) 71.
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In the dining room of Casa Santa Marta, Lawrence is approached by three concerned African Cardinals regarding Cardinal Joshua Adeyemi, who left abruptly after a troubling interaction with a nun speaking Yoruba. Cardinal Nakitanda leads the discussion, emphasizing the importance of Adeyemi's purity of heart and conscience as they await the possibility of an African Pope. The scene is tense and somber, highlighting the gravity of the situation and leaving unresolved tension about Adeyemi's future.
Strengths
  • Intense character dynamics
  • Intriguing plot developments
  • Emotional depth
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue may be overly expository

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.7

The scene effectively builds tension and intrigue through the interactions and revelations among the cardinals, setting the stage for significant developments in the plot.


Story Content

Concept: 8.6

The concept of exploring the internal struggles and external pressures faced by Cardinal Lawrence within the high-stakes environment of the papal conclave is compelling and well-developed.

Plot: 8.7

The plot advances significantly in this scene, introducing new conflicts and dilemmas that drive the narrative forward and deepen the character arcs.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh perspective on the selection of a Pope, focusing on the moral integrity of the candidate and the cultural significance of an African Pope.


Character Development

Characters: 8.9

The characters are richly developed, each with their own motivations and conflicts that add depth to the scene and drive the interactions forward.

Character Changes: 9

Several characters experience shifts in their beliefs and alliances during the scene, setting the stage for further development and conflicts.

Internal Goal: 8

Lawrence's internal goal is to understand the situation with Cardinal Joshua and potentially prevent a disaster for the African Cardinals.

External Goal: 7.5

Lawrence's external goal is to uncover the reason behind Cardinal Joshua's troubled state and address any potential issues.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8.8

The level of conflict is high, with internal and external pressures mounting on the characters, leading to intense confrontations and decisions.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, as Lawrence faces challenges in uncovering the truth behind Cardinal Joshua's troubled state and addressing the concerns of the African Cardinals.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high, with the election of a new Pope hanging in the balance and the characters' personal and political futures at risk.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by introducing new revelations, conflicts, and decisions that will impact the outcome of the papal conclave.

Unpredictability: 7.5

The scene is unpredictable due to the mysterious circumstances surrounding Cardinal Joshua's troubled state and the potential consequences for the African Cardinals.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict revolves around the idea of purity of heart and conscience in the selection of an African Pope, highlighting the importance of integrity and moral character.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.6

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from tension and suspense to empathy and introspection, drawing the audience into the characters' dilemmas.

Dialogue: 8.4

The dialogue is impactful and serves to reveal the characters' inner thoughts and tensions, contributing to the overall intensity of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its tense atmosphere, intriguing dialogue, and high stakes involved in the selection of an African Pope.

Pacing: 8.5

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged and eager to learn more about the unfolding events.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting adheres to the expected format for a dramatic scene, allowing for clear communication of character interactions and dialogue.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a structured format that effectively builds tension and reveals key information about the characters and their motivations.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes a sense of urgency and concern regarding Cardinal Adeyemi's well-being, which is crucial given the context of the Conclave and the significance of having an African Pope. However, the dialogue could benefit from more emotional depth to convey the gravity of the situation. The cardinals' expressions are described as 'mournful,' but their dialogue lacks the weight that such expressions suggest.
  • The exchange between Lawrence and the African Cardinals feels somewhat abrupt. While it serves to inform the audience about Adeyemi's distress, the transition from Lawrence's internal conflict to the external dialogue could be smoother. Adding a brief moment of reflection or hesitation from Lawrence before responding could enhance the emotional stakes.
  • The dialogue regarding the nun speaking Yoruba is intriguing, but it could be expanded to provide more context. What was the content of the conversation? Why was it significant? This would help the audience understand the implications of the nun's words and why they affected Adeyemi so deeply.
  • The scene lacks a strong visual element that could enhance the tension. Describing the setting in more detail—such as the atmosphere in the dining room, the reactions of other cardinals, or the physicality of the characters—could create a more immersive experience for the audience.
  • The scene ends rather abruptly after the mention of Adeyemi's need to be 'pure in heart and conscience.' This statement is powerful, but it could be followed by a moment of silence or a shared look among the cardinals to emphasize the weight of their words and the stakes involved.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment of internal conflict for Lawrence before he engages with the African Cardinals. This could involve a brief reflection on his own feelings about the Conclave and the pressure surrounding Adeyemi's candidacy.
  • Expand on the dialogue regarding the nun's comments to Adeyemi. Perhaps include a line or two that hints at what she might have said, even if it's vague, to build intrigue and tension.
  • Incorporate more descriptive language to paint a vivid picture of the dining room and the characters' physical reactions. This could include details about the food, the atmosphere, or the expressions on the faces of other cardinals present.
  • Add a moment of silence or a shared glance among the cardinals after Nakitanda's statement about the need for Adeyemi to be pure. This could heighten the emotional impact and underscore the seriousness of their discussion.
  • Consider ending the scene with a more definitive action or decision from Lawrence, such as him deciding to seek out Adeyemi or calling for a meeting to address the concerns raised. This would provide a stronger narrative hook for the next scene.



Scene 38 -  Authority and Compassion
81A INT. CASA SANTA MARTA - KITCHEN - DAY 81A

The kitchen is full of NUNS preparing food. Lawrence crosses
towards the back, looking for the missing nun. Those closest
to him bow their heads as he passes.

In the back the office is empty. Lawrence returns.

LAWRENCE LAWRENCE
(Italian) Potreste dirmi dove si trova
< Could you tell me, where is la sorella che ha fatto
the sister who just had the cadere la bottiglia prima?
accident? >

NUN NUN
(Italian) È con Suor Agnes, Vostra
< She is with Sister Agnes, Eminenza.
Your Eminence. >

LAWRENCE LAWRENCE
< Would you be kind enough to Sareste così gentile da
take me to her? > portarmi da lei?

The Nun begins to lead him back to the dining room.

LAWRENCE (CONT’D) LAWRENCE (CONT’D)
< Is there a rear exit we can C'è un'uscita posteriore che
use? > possiamo usare?

82 INT. CASA SANTA MARTA - OUTSIDE BAC K OFFICE - DAY 82

The Nun knocks on the door of the office. There is no reply.
Lawrence steps forward and knocks more loudly. After a
moment, the door opens a little and SISTER AGNES peers out.

LAWRENCE
Good afternoon, Sister. I need to
speak to the nun who dropped her
tray just now.

SISTER AGNES
She is safe with me, Your Eminence.
I am dealing with the situation.

LAWRENCE
I am sure you are Sister Agnes. But
I must see her myself.

SISTER AGNES
I hardly think a dropped tray
should concern the Dean of the
College of Cardinals.
CONCLAVE by Peter Straughan - Pink Revisions. (27.01.2023) 72.


LAWRENCE
Even so...

He grips the door handle. Amazed, he finds that as he pushes,
she resists.

SISTER AGNES
The welfare of the Sister is my
responsibility, Dean.

An impasse as both stare at each other.

LAWRENCE
(Icy)
And this Conclave is mine.

Beat. Finally she stands aside.
Genres: ["Drama","Mystery","Thriller"]

Summary In the kitchen of Casa Santa Marta, Lawrence searches for a nun who had an accident. He learns from another nun that she is with Sister Agnes and insists on seeing her. A tense standoff ensues as Sister Agnes asserts her control over the situation, believing she can handle it. However, Lawrence declares that the Conclave is his responsibility, leading Sister Agnes to relent and allow him entry to check on the nun's welfare.
Strengths
  • Tension-filled confrontation
  • Effective portrayal of power dynamics
  • Engaging dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Limited physical action
  • Reliance on dialogue for conflict resolution

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene is well-crafted with a high level of tension and suspense, effectively portraying the power dynamics at play. The confrontation between Lawrence and Sister Agnes adds depth to the narrative and keeps the audience engaged.


Story Content

Concept: 8.5

The concept of showcasing a power struggle within the Conclave setting is intriguing and adds depth to the narrative. The scene effectively explores themes of authority and control.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene revolves around the confrontation between Lawrence and Sister Agnes, adding tension and suspense to the overall story. It moves the narrative forward by highlighting the power dynamics within the Conclave.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh approach to the power dynamics within a religious institution, with authentic dialogue and actions that feel true to the characters and setting.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters of Lawrence and Sister Agnes are well-developed in this scene, with their conflicting personalities and motivations driving the power struggle. Their interactions add depth to the narrative and engage the audience.

Character Changes: 8

Both Lawrence and Sister Agnes undergo subtle changes in their dynamic during the scene, with their power struggle influencing their interactions and decisions.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to ensure the safety and well-being of the nun who had an accident. This reflects his deeper desire to protect and care for those under his authority.

External Goal: 7.5

The protagonist's external goal is to speak to the nun who had the accident and assess the situation. This reflects the immediate challenge of maintaining control and authority in the convent.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is high, with the power struggle between Lawrence and Sister Agnes driving the narrative tension. The confrontational exchanges and resistance add depth to the conflict.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting goals and motivations driving the conflict between the characters.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in the scene, as the power struggle between Lawrence and Sister Agnes has implications for the outcome of the Conclave and the characters' fates.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by highlighting the power dynamics within the Conclave and setting up future conflicts and resolutions. The confrontation between Lawrence and Sister Agnes adds depth to the narrative.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected power struggle between the protagonist and the nun, adding tension and intrigue to the narrative.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between the protagonist's sense of duty and responsibility as a leader of the church, and the nun's sense of duty and responsibility to the well-being of her fellow nun. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs about hierarchy and authority.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene has a moderate emotional impact, with the tension and suspense evoking a sense of unease and anticipation. The power struggle between Lawrence and Sister Agnes adds emotional depth to the narrative.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the tension and power dynamics between Lawrence and Sister Agnes. The confrontational exchanges enhance the suspense and keep the audience invested in the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the power struggle and tension between the characters, as well as the mystery surrounding the accident.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene builds tension effectively, with a gradual escalation of conflict leading to a climactic moment.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and easy to follow, with proper scene headings and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with clear character motivations and conflict driving the action.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes a power struggle between Lawrence and Sister Agnes, highlighting the tension between their respective responsibilities. However, the dialogue could be more dynamic to enhance the conflict. The use of Italian adds authenticity, but it may alienate some viewers if not accompanied by subtitles or context.
  • The pacing of the scene feels slightly slow, particularly in the exchanges between Lawrence and Sister Agnes. While the tension is palpable, the dialogue could be tightened to maintain momentum and keep the audience engaged.
  • The physicality of the scene, particularly Lawrence's grip on the door handle, is a strong visual cue of his determination. However, this moment could be expanded to include more body language or facial expressions to convey the emotional stakes more vividly.
  • The stakes of the situation are somewhat unclear. While it is evident that Lawrence is concerned about the nun, the audience may benefit from a clearer understanding of why this incident is significant in the context of the Conclave. Adding a line or two that hints at the broader implications could enhance the urgency.
  • The scene ends on a strong note with Lawrence asserting his authority, but it could benefit from a more explicit transition to the next scene. A brief moment of reflection or a visual cue could help bridge the gap and maintain narrative flow.
Suggestions
  • Consider revising the dialogue to make it more engaging and dynamic. For example, adding a line that reveals Lawrence's personal stakes in the situation could deepen the conflict.
  • Tighten the pacing by cutting any redundant lines or actions. Focus on the most impactful exchanges to keep the audience's attention.
  • Enhance the physicality of the scene by incorporating more descriptive actions or reactions from both Lawrence and Sister Agnes, which can help convey their emotional states without relying solely on dialogue.
  • Clarify the stakes of the situation by including a line that hints at the potential consequences of the nun's accident on the Conclave, thereby increasing the urgency of Lawrence's request.
  • Add a brief moment of reflection or a visual cue at the end of the scene to create a smoother transition to the next part of the story, ensuring the audience remains engaged with the narrative flow.



Scene 39 -  Confrontation at Casa Santa Marta
83 INT. CASA SANTA MARTA - BACK OFFICE - DAY 83

The NUN - a plump middle-aged Nigerian woman - sits in a
corner of the office. She sta nds as Lawrence enters.

LAWRENCE
Please, sit, my child. My name is
Cardinal Lawrence. How are you
feeling?

SISTER AGNES
She’s feeling much better.

LAWRENCE
(To the Nun)
Could you tell me your name?

SISTER AGNES
Her name is Shanumi.

LAWRENCE
(To the Nun)
Please, do sit down.

SISTER AGNES
Eminence, I really do think it
would be better if...

LAWRENCE
(Without looking at her)
Would you be so good as to leave us
now, S ister Agnes?
CONCLAVE by Peter Straughan - Pink Revisions. (27.01.2023) 73.


She opens her mouth to protest again but Lawrence turns and
stares at her with a look of such freezing authority that she
finally bows her head and walks out of the room, closing the
door after her. Lawrence sits, facing SISTER SHANUMI.

LAWRENCE (CONT’D)
Sister Shanumi, I want you to
understand, first of all, that you
are not in any sort of trouble. The
fact of the matter is, I have a
responsibility before God to make
sure that the decisions we make
here are the right ones. Now it’s
important that you tell me anything
that is in your heart and that is
troubling you in so far as it
relates to Cardinal Adeyemi. Can
you do that for me.

Shanumi stares at the floor, shakes her head.

LAWRENCE (CONT’D)
Even if I give you absolute
assurance that it will go no
further than this room?

Again, she shakes her head. Lawrence sits, at a loss. Then,
inspiration strikes. He leans towards her again.

LAWRENCE (CONT’D)
Would you like me to hear your
confession?

84 INT. CASA SANTA MARTA - CORRIDOR - DAY 84

TRACKING with Lawrence as he walks determinedly down the
corridor.

He reaches the door of Adeyemi’s room - the room next to his
own and knocks. After a moment Adeyemi opens the door, drying
his face.

ADEYEMI
I’ll be ready in a moment, Dean.

He walks back into the room. Lawrence hesitates, then follows
him...
CONCLAVE by Peter Straughan - Pink Revisions. (27.01.2023) 74.
Genres: ["Drama","Mystery","Thriller"]

Summary In a tense meeting at Casa Santa Marta, Cardinal Lawrence attempts to engage Sister Shanumi about her concerns regarding Cardinal Adeyemi, but she remains hesitant to speak. Sister Agnes tries to intervene but is dismissed by Lawrence, who asserts his authority. Frustrated by Shanumi's reluctance, Lawrence decides to confront Cardinal Adeyemi directly, ending the scene with a determined knock on his door.
Strengths
  • Tension-filled dialogue
  • Character depth and development
  • Revealing crucial information
Weaknesses
  • Slightly slow pacing in some parts

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene is well-structured, with a clear purpose of revealing crucial information about Cardinal Adeyemi. The tension and mystery surrounding the nun's reluctance to speak add depth to the plot.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of using a nun's revelation to uncover secrets about a cardinal adds intrigue and depth to the storyline.

Plot: 8.5

The plot is advanced significantly through the nun's revelation, setting up future conflicts and developments within the story.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh perspective on the themes of confession, moral responsibility, and institutional power within a religious context. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and contribute to the scene's authenticity.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters, especially Cardinal Lawrence and Sister Shanumi, are well-developed in this scene, showcasing their motivations and inner conflicts.

Character Changes: 7

While there is not a significant character change in this scene, it sets the stage for potential transformations in Cardinal Lawrence and Sister Shanumi.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to uncover the truth about Cardinal Adeyemi and address any concerns or doubts Sister Shanumi may have. This reflects Lawrence's desire for justice, integrity, and moral responsibility.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to investigate the situation surrounding Cardinal Adeyemi and potentially uncover any wrongdoing or secrets. This goal reflects the immediate challenge Lawrence is facing within the church hierarchy.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict in the scene is primarily internal, as Cardinal Lawrence grapples with the nun's reluctance to speak and his own sense of responsibility.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, as Sister Shanumi's reluctance to confess and Lawrence's determination to uncover the truth create conflict and uncertainty. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of how the characters will resolve their differences.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in this scene as Cardinal Lawrence seeks to uncover important information that could impact the papal conclave and the future of the Church.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by revealing crucial information about Cardinal Adeyemi and setting up future conflicts and revelations.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected offer for confession and the unresolved tension between Lawrence and Sister Shanumi. The audience is left unsure of how the characters will navigate the moral complexities of the situation.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the themes of truth, confession, and moral responsibility. Lawrence's offer to hear Sister Shanumi's confession highlights the clash between institutional authority and personal conscience.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The emotional impact of the scene is significant, as it delves into themes of trust, responsibility, and the weight of secrets.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is crucial in revealing the tension and emotional depth of the characters, particularly in the interaction between Cardinal Lawrence and Sister Shanumi.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its tense atmosphere, moral dilemmas, and character dynamics. The dialogue and interactions between Lawrence and Sister Shanumi create suspense and intrigue, keeping the audience invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and suspense, with well-timed pauses and moments of revelation. The rhythm of the dialogue and character movements enhances the scene's emotional impact.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene adheres to industry standards, with clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting. The visual descriptions and action lines enhance the reader's understanding of the setting and character interactions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm of the scene contribute to its effectiveness in building suspense and intrigue.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes Cardinal Lawrence's authority and determination to uncover the truth regarding Cardinal Adeyemi, but it could benefit from deeper emotional engagement. The dialogue feels somewhat procedural, lacking the emotional weight that could enhance the stakes of the situation. Lawrence's interaction with Sister Shanumi could be more nuanced, showcasing his empathy while still maintaining his authoritative stance.
  • Sister Agnes's character is introduced as a protective figure, but her motivations and feelings are not fully explored. This could create a richer dynamic between her and Lawrence, adding layers to their conflict. The scene would be more compelling if Agnes's concerns were articulated, perhaps revealing her own fears about the implications of Lawrence's inquiry.
  • The pacing of the scene feels rushed, particularly in the transition from Lawrence's authoritative dismissal of Sister Agnes to his attempt to connect with Sister Shanumi. A moment of silence or hesitation could heighten the tension and allow the audience to feel the weight of the situation more acutely.
  • Shanumi's reluctance to speak is clear, but her internal struggle could be more vividly portrayed. Consider adding physical actions or expressions that convey her emotional state, making her hesitation more palpable. This would help the audience empathize with her predicament and understand the gravity of her silence.
  • The scene ends with Lawrence's decision to confront Adeyemi, which is a strong narrative choice. However, it could be enhanced by a more explicit connection between his conversation with Shanumi and his subsequent actions. A line reflecting on her silence or a moment of realization could create a stronger narrative thread.
Suggestions
  • Incorporate more emotional depth in Lawrence's dialogue with Sister Shanumi. Consider adding lines that reflect his understanding of her fear and the gravity of the situation, which could help build a connection between them.
  • Explore Sister Agnes's character further by giving her a moment to express her concerns about Lawrence's approach. This could create a more dynamic conflict and add tension to the scene.
  • Slow down the pacing by including a moment of silence or hesitation after Lawrence dismisses Sister Agnes. This could allow the audience to absorb the tension and the stakes involved.
  • Enhance Sister Shanumi's internal struggle by adding physical actions or expressions that convey her emotional state. This could help the audience empathize with her situation and understand her reluctance to speak.
  • Create a stronger narrative connection between Shanumi's silence and Lawrence's decision to confront Adeyemi. A reflective line or moment could tie the two actions together, emphasizing the impact of their conversation.



Scene 40 -  A Moment of Reckoning
85 INT. CASA SANTA MARTA - ADEYEMI’S ROOM - CONTINUOUS 85

Adeyemi is in the bathroom. We hear the steady stream of
urination, followed by the flush. He walks out, buttoning his
cassock, seems surprised to find LAWRENCE there.

ADEYEMI
Shouldn’t we be leaving?

LAWRENCE
In a moment.

ADEYEMI
That sounds ominous.
(Studying himself in the
mirror)
If this is about the incident
downstairs, I have no desire to
talk about it.

Lawrence watches in silence, waiting him out. Adeyemi turns
from the mirror and walks past Lawrence into the room.

ADEYEMI (CONT’D)
I am the victim of a disgraceful
plot to ruin my reputation. Someone
brought that woman here and staged
this melodrama. She’d never left
Nigeria before and suddenly she is
here in the Casa Santa Marta?

LAWRENCE
With respect, Joshua, how she came
here is secondary to the issue of
your relationship with her.

ADEYEMI
(turning)
I have no relationship to her! I
hadn’t set eyes on her for thirty
years until she turned up outside
my room last night!

He catches himself.

ADEYEMI (CONT’D)
It was...it was...
(Helplessly)
A lapse, Dean. A lapse! “Let God
grant us a Pope who sins and asks
forgiveness, and carries on.” Your
words!
CONCLAVE by Peter Straughan - Pink Revisions. (27.01.2023) 75.


LAWRENCE
And have you asked forgiveness?

ADEYEMI
I confessed my sin at the time! My
bishop moved me to another parish
and I never lapsed again! Such
relationships were not uncommon in
those days. You know that!

LAWRENCE
(Quietly)
And the child?

Adeyemi flinches.

ADEYEMI
The child? The child was brought up
in a Christian household, and to
this day he has no idea who his
father is - if indeed it is me.
That is the child.

For a moment the two men stare at each other in silence,
Adeyemi’s jaw jutted in defiance. Then something in him
crumbles. He sits on the bed.

ADEYEMI (CONT’D)
(Beat. Broken)
We were very young.

LAWRENCE
No, Your Eminence. She was very
young. Nineteen years old. You were
thirty.

ADEYEMI
Thomas, please... Listen to me. I
sensed the presence of the Holy
Spirit this morning. I swear it. I
am ready to t ake this burden. Does
a single mistake thirty years ago
disqualify me? I was a different
man! I beg you, please don’t use
this to ruin me.

LAWRENCE
(sadly)
Joshua...the thought is not worthy
of you. The woman will not speak of
this to protect her son, and I am
bound by the vows of the
confessional.
CONCLAVE by Peter Straughan - Pink Revisions. (27.01.2023) 76.


Adeyemi looks up at him.

ADEYEMI
So... I still have hope?

Lawrence hesitates, hating this duty. He steps closer, taking
Adeyemi’s hands in his.

LAWRENCE
(Gently)
No, Joshua. There is no hope. After
such a public scene, there will be
rumours. And you know what the
Curia is like. Nothing terrifies
our colleagues more than the
thought of yet more sexual
scandals.

Adeyemi’s eyes prick with tears.

LAWRENCE (CONT’D)
( Moved)
I am more sorry than I can say. You
will never be Pope. You must begin
again.

He bends closer, grips the Nigerian’s hands tighter.

LAWRENCE (CONT’D)
(Fiercely)
But you are a good man. And you
will find a way to atone.

A long beat. Adeyemi nods blindly, disengages his hands to
wipe his eyes. He breathes deeply, gathers himself.

ADEYEMI
Will you...will you pray with me?

Beat. Lawrence holds out a hand, hel ps the Nigerian sink to
his knees then joins him. They pray.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary Adeyemi confronts the fallout from accusations of misconduct as Lawrence reveals the truth about his past relationship and a child. Despite Adeyemi's pleas for understanding and his claims of change, Lawrence delivers the harsh reality that his aspirations of becoming Pope are shattered. The scene culminates in a moment of shared vulnerability as they kneel together in prayer, reflecting the weight of moral accountability and the struggle for redemption.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Strong character development
  • Poignant dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Limited external conflict
  • Relies heavily on dialogue

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9.2

The scene is powerful and emotionally charged, with strong dialogue and character development. It effectively conveys the internal conflict and moral dilemmas faced by the characters, drawing the audience in with its poignant exploration of forgiveness and redemption.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of exploring themes of forgiveness, redemption, and moral complexity within the context of a papal conclave is compelling and thought-provoking. The scene effectively delves into the inner lives of the characters, challenging traditional notions of morality and virtue.

Plot: 9

The plot of the scene revolves around the emotional confrontation between the two cardinals, delving into their past mistakes and the implications for their future. The scene moves the story forward by deepening the character dynamics and setting up future conflicts and resolutions.

Originality: 8

The scene offers a fresh perspective on themes of sin, forgiveness, and redemption within the context of the Catholic Church, presenting a nuanced portrayal of moral complexity and personal growth.


Character Development

Characters: 9.5

The characters in the scene are complex and multi-dimensional, with layers of emotion and moral ambiguity. Their interactions reveal deep-seated conflicts and vulnerabilities, adding depth to their personalities and motivations.

Character Changes: 9

Both characters undergo significant emotional changes in the scene, confronting their past mistakes and grappling with the consequences. The scene marks a turning point in their arcs, leading to moments of introspection and growth.

Internal Goal: 9

Adeyemi's internal goal is to seek forgiveness and redemption for his past actions, as well as to salvage his reputation and career within the Church.

External Goal: 8

Adeyemi's external goal is to avoid scandal and maintain his position within the Church hierarchy, particularly in light of the recent public incident involving a woman from his past.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8.5

The conflict in the scene is primarily internal, as the characters grapple with their past mistakes and the implications for their future. The emotional tension between the two cardinals drives the scene, creating a sense of unease and moral ambiguity.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting values, moral dilemmas, and personal stakes that challenge the characters' beliefs, decisions, and relationships, creating suspense and emotional depth.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes in the scene are high, as the characters face the consequences of their past actions and the potential impact on their future. The moral dilemmas and personal struggles add tension and urgency to the narrative.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by deepening the character dynamics and setting up future conflicts and resolutions. It adds layers of complexity to the narrative, foreshadowing key developments and character arcs.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists in character revelations, moral dilemmas, and emotional resolutions, keeping the audience on edge and invested in the outcome.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict revolves around the themes of sin, forgiveness, redemption, and the consequences of past actions. Adeyemi grapples with questions of morality, personal responsibility, and the judgment of others within the context of his faith and position in the Church.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9.5

The scene has a high emotional impact, eliciting feelings of empathy, sadness, and introspection in the audience. The raw vulnerability and honesty of the characters resonate deeply, creating a powerful and memorable moment.

Dialogue: 9.2

The dialogue in the scene is poignant and impactful, capturing the emotional turmoil and moral dilemmas faced by the characters. The exchanges between the two cardinals are rich in subtext and nuance, adding depth to their relationship and inner struggles.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its emotional depth, moral complexity, and compelling character dynamics, drawing the audience into the characters' internal struggles and ethical dilemmas.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension, reveals character motivations, and allows for moments of emotional resonance and introspection, contributing to the overall effectiveness of the scene.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene adheres to the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings, dialogue formatting, and descriptive elements that enhance visual storytelling and character development.

Structure: 9

The scene follows a well-defined structure that effectively builds tension, reveals character motivations, and advances the narrative arc, maintaining a strong sense of pacing and rhythm.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the tension between Lawrence and Adeyemi, showcasing the emotional weight of their conversation. The dialogue is sharp and reveals the complexities of Adeyemi's past, which adds depth to his character. However, the pacing feels uneven at times, particularly in the transition from Adeyemi's initial denial to his eventual breakdown. This could be smoothed out to maintain a more consistent emotional arc.
  • The use of physical actions, such as Adeyemi buttoning his cassock and looking in the mirror, adds a layer of visual storytelling that enhances the scene. However, the reliance on the bathroom setting could be seen as somewhat clichéd. It might be more impactful to have the confrontation occur in a more neutral space that reflects the gravity of their discussion.
  • The dialogue is rich with subtext, particularly in Lawrence's responses to Adeyemi's justifications. However, some lines could be tightened for clarity and impact. For instance, Lawrence's line about the Curia could be more concise to heighten the urgency of the situation.
  • The emotional stakes are high, but the scene could benefit from a stronger sense of urgency. As it stands, the pacing allows for reflection, but given the context of the Conclave and the implications of Adeyemi's situation, a more immediate sense of time pressure could enhance the tension.
  • The prayer at the end serves as a poignant moment of connection between the two characters, but it might feel more powerful if it were built up with more emotional resonance throughout the scene. Consider adding more internal conflict for Lawrence as he grapples with his duty versus his compassion for Adeyemi.
Suggestions
  • Consider revising the setting to a more neutral space that reflects the seriousness of their conversation, rather than the bathroom, which may detract from the gravity of the situation.
  • Tighten the dialogue to enhance clarity and impact, particularly in Lawrence's responses. Aim for brevity in lines that convey urgency and emotional weight.
  • Increase the sense of urgency in the scene by incorporating time constraints or external pressures that remind the characters of the impending Conclave and the stakes involved.
  • Build up the emotional resonance of the prayer moment by adding more internal conflict for Lawrence throughout the scene, allowing the audience to feel the weight of his decision-making process.
  • Consider adding a visual cue or action that symbolizes Adeyemi's internal struggle, such as him hesitating before sitting on the bed, to enhance the emotional depth of the scene.



Scene 41 -  The Weight of Choice
86 EXT. VATICAN GARDENS - DAY 86

HIGH ANGLE

...watching the tiny figure of Lawrence below us, walking
through the formal geometries of the gardens. He joins
Nakitanda and his two colleagues on a seat. We watch them
talk for a moment. Nakitanda drops his head in dismay.
CONCLAVE by Peter Straughan - Pink Revisions. (27.01.2023) 77.

87 INT. SISTINE CHAPEL - DAY 87

The Fourth and Fifth Ballots in progress. We’re watching
Adeyemi walk down the aisle, his ballot held high in his
hand. He passes the seats of the African Cardinals who, to a
man, avert their eyes. He reaches the microphone.

ADEYEMI ADEYEMI
(Solemnly, in Latin) (Solemnly)
< I call as my witness Christ Testor Christum Dominum, qui
the Lord, who will be my me iudicaturus est, me eum
judge, that my vote is given eligere, quem secundum Deum
to the one who before God I iudico eligi debere.
think sho uld be elected. >

Lawrence sits, marvelling at the man’s dignity in the face of
his ruined life.

He turns back to his own ballot paper. A beat. Reluctantly,
he writes: Bellini.

- Cardinals shuffle down the aisle, ballots held up in
shaking hands...

- Ballots are dropped into the Ur n...

- High above, the Last Judgement lies cloaked in darkness...

HARD CUT TO:

88 INT. SISTINE CHAPEL - DAY / LATER 88

Cardinal Lombardi is reading the results.

CARDINAL LOMBARDI CARDINAL LOMBARDI
(Italian) I risultati del quinto
< The results of the Fifth scrutinio sono i seguenti.
Ballot are... Cardinal Cardinale Tremblay: quaranta
Tremblay, forty votes. > voti.

The Canadian bows his head and places his hands together, as
his colleagues twist in their seats to examine the new front-
runner.

CARDINAL LOMBARDI (CONT’D) CARDINAL LOMBARDI (CONT’D)
(Italian) Cardinale Tedesco:
< Cardinal Tedesco, thirty- trentaquattro voti. Cardinale
four votes. Cardinal Bellini, Bellini: tredici voti.
thirteen votes. Cardinal Cardinale Lawrence: undici
Lawrence, eleven votes. voti. Cardinale Adeyemi: sei
Cardinal Adeyemi, six voti...
votes... >
CONCLAVE by Peter Straughan - Pink Revisions. (27.01.2023) 78.


You can feel the electric tension in the room now - a
staggering haemorrhage of Adeyemi’s followers. In a sea of
scratching pencils, the Nigerian sits staring at the wall
ahead, as if oblivious.

CARDINAL LOMBARDI (CONT’D) CARDINAL LOMBARDI (CONT’D)
(Italian) Cardinal Benítez: quattro
< Cardinal Benitez, four voti.
votes. >

Lawrence sits, horribly aware of being an object of curiosity
for the cardinals around him, who a re registering his
increased share of votes. He can’t stop himself looking to
Bellini and finds the cardinal’s cold gaze upon him.

LOMBARDI LOMBARDI
(Italian) Fratelli, qui si conclude il
< My brothers, that concludes quinto scrutinio. Poiché
the fifth ballot. No nessun candidato ha ottenuto
candidate having achieved the la maggioranza nece ssaria, le
necessary majority, we shall votazioni riprenderanno
resume voting tomorrow domani mattina.
morning. >
Genres: ["Drama","Political","Thriller"]

Summary In a tense scene set in the Vatican Gardens and the Sistine Chapel, Lawrence encounters Nakitanda and his dismayed colleagues before participating in the Fourth and Fifth Ballots for the papal election. Moved by Adeyemi's dignified vote, Lawrence reluctantly casts his own for Bellini. Cardinal Lombardi announces the results, revealing Cardinal Tremblay as the frontrunner, which escalates the scrutiny among the cardinals. The scene concludes with no candidate achieving a majority, leading to a continuation of the voting process the next day.
Strengths
  • Intense atmosphere
  • Compelling character dynamics
  • High emotional impact
  • Effective plot progression
Weaknesses
  • Limited character growth
  • Some predictable plot developments

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9.2

The scene is well-crafted, effectively building tension and intrigue through the unfolding of the conclave voting process. It skillfully balances the personal conflicts and political dynamics at play, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the outcome.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of the scene revolves around the power dynamics and moral dilemmas within a papal conclave, exploring themes of faith, ambition, and integrity. The scene effectively conveys the complexity of the decision-making process and the personal struggles of the characters involved.

Plot: 9.3

The plot of the scene is crucial in advancing the narrative of the screenplay, as it reveals the outcome of the conclave voting and sets the stage for further developments. The scene effectively builds suspense and conflict, driving the story forward with significant revelations.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh perspective on the inner workings of a papal conclave, with authentic character interactions and dialogue that feel true to the setting and context.


Character Development

Characters: 9.1

The characters in the scene are well-developed, each facing internal and external conflicts that add depth to their portrayal. The interactions between the cardinals reveal their motivations, beliefs, and vulnerabilities, creating a rich tapestry of personalities.

Character Changes: 9

While there are subtle character changes, such as Adeyemi's public downfall and Lawrence's internal conflict, the scene focuses more on the characters' reactions to external events rather than significant personal growth.

Internal Goal: 8

Lawrence's internal goal is to navigate the complex dynamics of the conclave and make a decision that aligns with his beliefs and values.

External Goal: 7.5

Lawrence's external goal is to secure votes and potentially become a front-runner in the papal conclave.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The scene is filled with internal and external conflicts, as the cardinals navigate personal dilemmas, political rivalries, and moral quandaries. The high-stakes nature of the conclave decision intensifies the conflicts, driving the tension and drama of the scene.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting interests and alliances creating obstacles for the characters to overcome.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are incredibly high in the scene, as the cardinals' decisions will determine the next Pope and shape the future of the Catholic Church. The personal, political, and moral consequences of their choices add urgency and intensity to the proceedings.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by revealing the outcome of the conclave voting and setting the stage for the next phase of the narrative. It introduces new conflicts, alliances, and tensions that will drive the plot towards its resolution.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the shifting alliances, unexpected voting results, and the uncertainty of Lawrence's position in the conclave.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict revolves around the idea of integrity and loyalty within the Catholic Church. Lawrence is torn between his personal beliefs and the expectations of the conclave.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9.2

The scene has a high emotional impact, eliciting feelings of suspense, empathy, and anticipation in the audience. The characters' struggles and the weight of their decisions resonate on an emotional level, drawing viewers into the intense atmosphere of the conclave.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue in the scene is impactful, reflecting the tension and emotion of the moment. The speeches given by the cardinals during the voting process convey their convictions and inner turmoil, adding layers to their characters and driving the narrative forward.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the high stakes, emotional turmoil, and suspenseful voting process that keeps the audience invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 8.5

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the outcome of the conclave.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting adheres to the standard conventions of screenplay format, making it easy to follow and visualize the scene.

Structure: 8.5

The scene follows the expected structure for a dramatic moment in a screenplay, building tension and conflict effectively.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the tension and emotional weight of the conclave process, particularly through the juxtaposition of Adeyemi's dignity against Lawrence's reluctant decision. This contrast highlights the stakes involved and the personal struggles of the characters, which is compelling.
  • The use of Latin in Adeyemi's speech adds a layer of authenticity and gravitas to the scene, reinforcing the solemnity of the moment. However, the translation could be included in the script for clarity, especially for readers unfamiliar with Latin, to ensure the emotional impact is fully understood.
  • The high-angle shot at the beginning sets a visually interesting tone, but it could be enhanced by providing more context about the Vatican Gardens and their significance to the characters. This would deepen the audience's connection to the setting and its thematic relevance.
  • The pacing of the scene is generally effective, but the transition between Adeyemi's vote and the ballot counting could be smoother. A brief moment of reflection or a visual cue could help bridge these two moments, enhancing the emotional impact of the results announcement.
  • The dialogue is sparse but impactful, which works well in this context. However, adding a few more internal thoughts or reactions from Lawrence could provide insight into his emotional state as he grapples with the implications of his vote and the unfolding events.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment of silence or a visual cue after Adeyemi's vote to emphasize the weight of his words and the reactions of the other cardinals, creating a more dramatic pause before the ballot counting.
  • Include a translation of Adeyemi's Latin speech in the script to ensure all readers can grasp its significance and emotional weight, enhancing the scene's accessibility.
  • Enhance the description of the Vatican Gardens to provide more context and emotional resonance, perhaps by referencing their historical significance or how they reflect the characters' inner turmoil.
  • Smooth the transition between Adeyemi's voting moment and the ballot counting by incorporating a visual or auditory cue, such as a close-up of Lawrence's face or the sound of the ballots being dropped, to heighten the tension.
  • Add a few internal monologues or reactions from Lawrence during the voting process to give readers a deeper understanding of his conflicted emotions and the weight of the decisions being made.



Scene 42 -  Secrets in the Chapel
89 INT. SISTINE CHAPEL - VESTIBULE - EVENING 89

The chapel has emptied. O’Malley bundles the ballots into the
stove and burns them. He crosses the vestibule and turns to
where Lawrence sits in the chapel, lost in thought, picks up
his clipboard of notes.

LAWRENCE
(Noticing)
Yes, Ray?

MONSIGNOR O’MALLEY
The incident this morning, your
Eminence. I have more information,
if...?

Lawrence considers, finally shakes his head.

LAWRENCE
No, Ray. I too must be shielded
from any knowledge which could act
as an...interference in the process
of this Conclave.

MONSIGNOR O’MALLEY
(Bowing)
Of course, Eminence.
CONCLAVE by Peter Straughan - Pink Revisions. (27.01.2023) 79.


LAWRENCE
Anything else?

O’Malley glances at his clipboard.

MONSIGNOR O’MALLEY
Uhh...Oh, Cardinal Benitez. His
health problems? He was issued with
a return ticket to Geneva, paid for
from the Pope’s own account. I
checked the visa application. The
purpose for travel was given as
“medical treatment.” Anyway,
whatever it was, it can’t have been
serious. The tickets were
cancelled. He never went.

Lawrence nods, barely listening.

LAWRENCE
Alright. Thank you, Ray.

O’Malley lingers. Lawrence gives him a questioning look.

MONSIGNOR O'MALLEY
(Hesitantly)
Forgive me. I know you said we
should forget the matter of the
withdrawn report but...I wondered
in light of Cardinal Tremblay’s
present...position? I could see if
there was anything more I could
find out?

Lawrence feels a flush of anger.

LAWRENCE
I’m not a Wi tchfinder. It isn’t my
job to go hunting for secrets in my
colleagues’ pasts!

O’Malley nods, taken aback. Beat. Lawrence relents, touches
O’Malley’s wrist.

LAWRENCE (CONT’D)
I’m sorry, Ray. No more
investigations. I think we’ve heard
enough secrets.
(Standing)
Let God’s Will be done.

MONSIGNOR O'MALLEY
Good night then, Your Eminence.
CONCLAVE by Peter Straughan - Pink Revisions. (27.01.2023) 80.


He watches the older man walk away.
Genres: ["Drama","Political"]

Summary In the empty vestibule of the Sistine Chapel, Monsignor O'Malley attempts to discuss sensitive matters with Cardinal Lawrence, including Cardinal Benitez's health and the withdrawn report on Cardinal Tremblay. However, Lawrence, preoccupied and dismissive, insists on remaining uninformed to protect the integrity of the conclave. Tension arises as O'Malley pushes for an investigation into Tremblay's past, but Lawrence firmly rejects the idea, leading to a moment of frustration. The scene concludes with Lawrence reaffirming his decision to cease further inquiries and seeking divine guidance.
Strengths
  • Strong character development
  • Tense atmosphere
  • Compelling dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue may be overly expository
  • Lack of visual variety in the setting

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys the tension and moral ambiguity surrounding Cardinal Lawrence's decisions, setting up important conflicts and character dynamics.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring the internal struggles of a cardinal during a papal conclave is compelling and adds depth to the overall narrative.

Plot: 8.5

The plot is advanced significantly in this scene, with key revelations and decisions made by the characters that will impact the story moving forward.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces fresh perspectives on themes of loyalty, integrity, and institutional power within a religious setting. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and contribute to the scene's originality.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters are well-developed, with Cardinal Lawrence's internal conflict and moral dilemmas being particularly well-portrayed. The interactions between characters drive the scene forward.

Character Changes: 9

Cardinal Lawrence undergoes significant internal turmoil and makes important decisions that will likely impact his character arc in the future.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to maintain his integrity and moral compass in the face of temptation and pressure to uncover secrets. This reflects his deeper need for honesty and transparency in a world filled with deception and intrigue.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to navigate the political and personal challenges within the Conclave process while upholding his duties as a Cardinal. This goal reflects the immediate circumstances and power dynamics at play.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8.5

The conflict in the scene is palpable, both internally within Cardinal Lawrence and externally with the political machinations of the other cardinals.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting values and motivations driving the characters' actions. The protagonist's internal and external challenges create uncertainty and tension for the audience.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high as the characters grapple with moral dilemmas, political intrigue, and the future leadership of the Catholic Church.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by revealing key information, deepening character relationships, and setting up future conflicts and resolutions.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the shifting power dynamics and moral choices that the characters face. The audience is kept on edge as they navigate the complexities of the characters' motivations and actions.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the tension between loyalty to the church and the pursuit of truth and justice. The protagonist's reluctance to engage in investigations highlights the clash between institutional loyalty and personal ethics.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a sense of tension and moral weight, drawing the audience into the characters' emotional struggles.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is sharp and meaningful, revealing the characters' motivations and inner turmoil effectively.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its rich character dynamics, moral dilemmas, and thematic depth. The dialogue and interactions between the characters draw the reader into the world of the story.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension and suspense through strategic dialogue exchanges and character interactions. The rhythm of the scene enhances the emotional impact of the protagonist's decisions.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings, dialogue formatting, and descriptive elements that enhance the reader's understanding of the setting and characters.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with a clear progression of events and character interactions that build tension and conflict. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the scene's effectiveness.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the tension and gravity of the conclave process, showcasing Lawrence's internal struggle and the weight of his responsibilities. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtext to convey the emotional stakes without being overly explicit.
  • Lawrence's refusal to hear about the incident and his insistence on being shielded from knowledge feels somewhat abrupt. It would be more impactful if the scene included a brief moment of reflection or a flashback that illustrates why he feels this way, adding depth to his character.
  • Monsignor O'Malley's hesitance and the dynamic between him and Lawrence are well-drawn, but the scene could use more visual cues to enhance the emotional atmosphere. For instance, Lawrence's body language could reflect his inner turmoil more vividly, perhaps through fidgeting or avoiding eye contact.
  • The pacing of the scene feels slightly off, as it moves quickly from O'Malley's information about Benitez to Lawrence's dismissal of further inquiries. A moment of silence or a pause could heighten the tension and allow the audience to absorb the implications of the information being shared.
  • The dialogue, while functional, lacks a certain lyrical quality that could elevate the scene. Given the setting of the Sistine Chapel, incorporating more poetic language or religious imagery could enhance the thematic resonance of the scene.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment of introspection for Lawrence before he dismisses O'Malley's information, allowing the audience to understand his motivations and fears more clearly.
  • Enhance the visual storytelling by including more descriptive actions or reactions from Lawrence that reflect his emotional state, such as pacing, clenching his fists, or looking away.
  • Introduce a metaphor or religious reference in Lawrence's dialogue to deepen the thematic elements of faith and secrecy, which are central to the story.
  • Slow down the pacing slightly by inserting a beat after O'Malley's revelations, allowing the weight of the information to settle before Lawrence responds.
  • Revise the dialogue to include more subtext, allowing the characters' true feelings and motivations to emerge through their words and silences, rather than stating them outright.



Scene 43 -  The Weight of Choice
90 INT. CASA SANTA MARTA - LAWRENCE'S ROOM - NIGHT 90

Lawrence sits on his bed, struggling to unlace his shoes. He
manages to remove one and has to pause to regain his breath.

A KNOCK at the door jerks him upright and startled. He
crosses to the door and opens it to reveal Bellini and
Sabbadin outside.

BELLINI
Thomas.

91 INT. CASA SANTA MARTA - BACK STAIRS - NIGHT 91

Lawrence , Bellini and Sabbadin stand in a staircase.

CARDINAL SABBADIN
(Hushed)
We need to decide how we are going
to proceed.

Lawrence glances around at the shadowy staircase. This feels
absurd.

LAWRENCE
Is this really necessary? I feel as
if I’m at some American political
convention.

CARDINAL SABBADIN
(Gloomily)
Well, it isn’t going to take long.
Our friend here does not have
sufficient support amongst our
colle agues to be elected Pope.

LAWRENCE
It isn’t over yet.

Bellini stirs.

BELLINI
(Heavily)
I’m afraid, as far as I’m
concerned, it is. The question
arises, if I can’t win, whom should
I advise my supporters to vote for?

He clears his throat. An awkward beat.
CONCLAVE by Peter Straughan - Pink Revisions. (27.01.2023) 81.


BELLINI (CONT’D)
Obviously there is you. But...

CARDINAL SABBADIN
(Bluntly)
But you can’t win either. Even if
we delivered you all of Aldo’s
fifteen votes - which I don’t
believe we could - you’d still be
in third place, behind Tremblay and
Tedesco. No-one has enough traction
to catch either of the front-
runners. So, since we all agree
that Tedesco would be a disaster...

He spreads his hands. The three stand i n silence for a
moment.

BELLINI
I’m no more of an enthusiast for
Tremblay than you are, Thomas. But
we have to face the fact that--

A few stories below a door creaks, footsteps on marble echo
throughout the staircase. Bellini peers over the banister at
a cardinal in conversation below. He continues, lowering his
voice.

BELLINI (CONT’D)
He has demonstrated a broad appeal.
(Without much conviction)
Perhaps he wi ll be a unifying
force?

Lawrence shakes his head.

BELLINI (CONT’D)
What?

LAWRENCE
Is this what we are reduced to?
Considering the “least-worst”
option?

BELLINI
(Irritated)
The field has narrowed. If we don’t
change our votes, we’ll be here for
weeks. Which is what Tedesco wants.
CONCLAVE by Peter Straughan - Pink Revisions. (27.01.2023) 82.


LAWRENCE
(Beat)
I have been informed that, shortly
before his death, the Holy Father
had fallen out with Tremblay. In
fact, that he intended to dismiss
him from all offices in the Church.

The two stare at him, stunned.

LAWRENCE (CONT’D)
There is a rumour of a report of
some kind, a report that was
possibly withdrawn...

Sabbadin glances nervously at Bellini, who frowns.

BELLINI
A rumour?
(Beat)
Thomas, in the la st weeks of his
life it is possible that the Holy
Father was not entirely himself. He
had become increasingly secretive
and paranoid...

CARDINAL SABBADIN
(Joining in)
Even if there was a report...

They turn to look at him.

CARDINAL SABBADIN (CONT’D)
What I mean is...We’ve had a Pope
who was in the Hitler Youth and
fought for the Nazis. We’ve had
Popes accused of colluding with
communists and fascists. We’ve had
Popes who have ignored reports of
the most appalling sexual abuse of
children...

BELLINI
(Impatient)
We take the point...

CARDINAL SABBADIN
The point is - we will never find a
candidate who doesn’t have some
kind of black mark against them! We
are mortal men! We serve an ideal -
we cannot always be ideal.
CONCLAVE by Peter Straughan - Pink Revisions. (27.01.2023) 83.


Beat. Lawrence looks at his friend, but Bellini avoids his
gaze.

BELLINI
(Flat)
So we’re agreed. We urge all our
supporters to back Tremblay.

The three stand in silence - the gloom of realpolitik
descending upon them.
Genres: ["Drama","Political"]

Summary In a tense night at Casa Santa Marta, Lawrence struggles with his shoes as he meets with Bellini and Cardinal Sabbadin to discuss the troubling papal election. They express their concerns about the lack of support for Bellini and the dominance of front-runners Tremblay and Tedesco. Despite their reservations about the candidates' integrity, they reluctantly agree to support Tremblay, highlighting the grim reality of their political maneuvering. The scene concludes with a heavy silence, underscoring the weight of their decision.
Strengths
  • Intense dialogue
  • Complex character dynamics
  • High stakes
Weaknesses
  • Some exposition-heavy dialogue

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys the tension and weight of the decision-making process within the conclave, showcasing the characters' internal struggles and the high stakes involved.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of political intrigue and moral quandaries within the papal conclave is compelling and well-developed in this scene.

Plot: 8.5

The plot advances significantly in this scene as the characters grapple with crucial decisions that will impact the outcome of the conclave.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh perspective on the political machinations within the Vatican and the moral dilemmas faced by high-ranking church officials. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and nuanced, adding depth to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-defined and their conflicting motivations and beliefs add depth to the scene, enhancing the tension and drama.

Character Changes: 8

The characters undergo internal shifts as they confront their beliefs and make difficult choices, leading to potential changes in their alliances and convictions.

Internal Goal: 8

Lawrence's internal goal is to uphold his principles and values in the face of political pressure and compromise. He wants to ensure that the right candidate is chosen for the position of Pope, despite the challenges and obstacles he faces.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to influence the outcome of the papal election and prevent a potentially disastrous candidate from being chosen. He wants to ensure the best possible leader for the Church.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8.5

The conflict in the scene is palpable, stemming from the characters' conflicting loyalties, beliefs, and ambitions as they grapple with the decision of whom to support for Pope.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting viewpoints and moral dilemmas creating obstacles for the protagonist. The audience is unsure of how the characters' decisions will impact the outcome of the papal election, adding suspense and intrigue.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in the scene as the characters grapple with the decision that could determine the future leadership of the Catholic Church, with far-reaching consequences.

Story Forward: 9

The scene propels the story forward by revealing key developments in the conclave process and the characters' evolving dynamics, setting the stage for future conflicts and resolutions.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the shifting alliances, conflicting viewpoints, and unexpected revelations. The audience is kept on their toes, unsure of how the characters' decisions will impact the outcome of the election.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the idea of compromise and pragmatism versus idealism and integrity. The characters debate whether to support a candidate they don't fully believe in for the greater good of the Church.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a sense of tension and unease, drawing the audience into the characters' moral struggles and the weight of their decisions.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is sharp and impactful, revealing the characters' inner turmoil and the complexities of their relationships.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its high stakes, moral dilemmas, and political intrigue. The conflict and tension between the characters keep the audience invested in the outcome of the papal election.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged in the characters' debates and decisions. The rhythm of the dialogue and action enhances the scene's impact and emotional resonance.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings, action lines, and dialogue. The formatting enhances the readability and flow of the scene, making it easy to follow.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm of the scene contribute to its effectiveness, building tension and suspense.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the tension and urgency surrounding the papal election, showcasing the characters' conflicting motivations and the weight of their decisions. However, the dialogue can feel somewhat expository, as characters explain their positions and the political landscape rather than engaging in more dynamic interactions that reveal their personalities and stakes.
  • The setting of the shadowy staircase adds a layer of secrecy and urgency, but it could be enhanced with more sensory details to immerse the audience further. Describing the sounds, smells, or even the temperature could help convey the atmosphere more vividly.
  • The characters' motivations are clear, but their emotional stakes could be deepened. For instance, exploring Lawrence's internal conflict about supporting Tremblay could add depth to his character and make the audience more invested in his choices.
  • The pacing of the scene feels a bit uneven. The initial struggle with the shoes sets a slower tone, but the subsequent dialogue picks up speed. A smoother transition between these moments could enhance the flow and maintain the audience's engagement.
  • The dialogue, while informative, sometimes lacks subtext. Characters could express their feelings and motivations through more nuanced dialogue, allowing the audience to infer their true thoughts and emotions rather than stating them outright.
Suggestions
  • Consider incorporating more physical actions or reactions from the characters during the dialogue to convey their emotional states. For example, showing Lawrence's frustration through body language or facial expressions could enhance the scene's emotional impact.
  • Add more sensory details to the setting to create a richer atmosphere. Describing the echo of footsteps, the chill in the air, or the flickering lights could help immerse the audience in the scene.
  • Explore Lawrence's internal conflict more deeply. Perhaps include a moment of hesitation or a flashback that highlights his past experiences with the candidates, making his decision more poignant.
  • Revise the dialogue to include more subtext. Instead of characters directly stating their opinions, allow them to hint at their feelings or use metaphors that reflect their inner turmoil, creating a more engaging and layered conversation.
  • Consider breaking up the dialogue with moments of silence or action that reflect the weight of the decisions being made. This could create a more dramatic tension and allow the audience to absorb the gravity of the situation.



Scene 44 -  Elevator Tensions
92 INT. CASA SANTA MARTA - LIFT - NIGHT 92

Lawrence stands lost in thought as the elevator rises. It
stops at a floor and the doors slide open.

The ancient Cardinal LOWENSTEIN, grey-faced wi th fatigue,
leaning on his walking stick, creeps slowly into the lift.
Lawrence bites down on his impatience, flashes a smile,
holding the door for his elderly colleague.

On the landing beyond a door opens and Tedesco and Adeyemi
emerge from a room.

Adeyemi and Lawrence lock gazes. The Nigerian’s former sorrow
and remorse seems to have passed, to be replaced by a look of
defiance, almost hostility. Then he turns away, following the
Patriarch of Venice.

92A OMITTED 92A


92B INT. CASA SANTA MARTA - LIFT - NIGHT 92B

The doors slide closed again and the elevator continues its
ascent. For a moment the only sound is Lowenstein’s laboured
breathing. Then...

CARDIN AL LOWENSTEIN
If this drags on much longer I
might die before we find a new
Pope.

Lawrence is still thinking about what he’s just seen - the
formation of a new right-wing voting block?

LAWRENCE
(Grimly)
Then let’s try to finish it.
CONCLAVE by Peter Straughan - Pink Revisions. (27.01.2023) 84.

93 INT. CASA SANTA MARTA - UPPER CORRIDOR - NIGHT 93

A door opens a little and Benitez peers cautiously out at us,
his open cassock clutched together at his throat.

BENITEZ
Your Eminence?

Lawrence is a little taken aback by Benitez’ wariness.

LAWRENCE
I’m sorry to disturb you. May I
have a word?

BENITEZ
Of course. One moment.

To Thomas' surprise, Benitez disappears back into the room,
leaving him standing in the corridor. After a moment he
reappears, clothed now.

BENITEZ (CONT’D)
(Ushering him in)
Excuse me, at this time of day I
always try to meditate for an
hour...
Genres: ["Drama","Political","Thriller"]

Summary In a tense elevator ride at Casa Santa Marta, Lawrence grapples with the political turmoil surrounding the papal election as Cardinal Lowenstein expresses frustration over the prolonged selection process. A charged glance between Lawrence and the defiant Adeyemi hints at deeper conflicts, while Benitez cautiously invites Lawrence into his room, reflecting the urgency and weight of their situation.
Strengths
  • Sharp dialogue
  • Tense atmosphere
  • Complex character dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Limited character development
  • Some predictable plot elements

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys the high stakes and internal conflicts of the characters, keeping the audience engaged and intrigued. The dialogue is sharp and reveals the complex dynamics at play.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring the intricacies of a papal conclave and the personal struggles of the cardinals is compelling and well-executed.

Plot: 8.5

The plot of the scene is crucial in advancing the overall narrative, revealing the power dynamics and moral dilemmas faced by the characters during the conclave.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces fresh elements such as the process of selecting a new Pope and the formation of a right-wing voting block, adding authenticity to the characters' actions and dialogue.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-developed and their internal conflicts are effectively portrayed, adding depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 7

While there are subtle shifts in the characters' attitudes and decisions, the scene focuses more on the external conflicts rather than significant character development.

Internal Goal: 8

Lawrence's internal goal in this scene is to navigate the complex dynamics and power struggles within the religious institution. It reflects his desire to maintain control and influence in a challenging environment.

External Goal: 7.5

Lawrence's external goal is to expedite the process of selecting a new Pope and prevent any delays that could impact the outcome.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The level of conflict in the scene is high, with characters facing internal and external challenges that drive the tension.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create conflict and uncertainty, adding depth to the characters' motivations and actions.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high as the characters navigate the complex process of electing a new Pope, with personal and political consequences at play.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by revealing key decisions and developments within the conclave process.

Unpredictability: 7.5

This scene is unpredictable due to the shifting power dynamics and the introduction of new conflicts and challenges.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the tension between tradition and progress, as seen in the formation of a new right-wing voting block. This challenges Lawrence's beliefs about the direction of the institution and the values it should uphold.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a sense of tension and suspense, keeping the audience emotionally engaged with the characters' struggles.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is sharp, engaging, and reveals the complex relationships and tensions between the characters.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its tense atmosphere, subtle character dynamics, and the sense of urgency in selecting a new Pope.

Pacing: 8.5

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and maintains the audience's interest through well-timed dialogue and character interactions.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with proper scene headings and descriptions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with clear transitions between locations and well-paced dialogue.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the tension and urgency surrounding the papal election process, particularly through Lawrence's impatience and Lowenstein's fatigue. However, the dialogue could be more dynamic to reflect the high stakes of the situation. The exchange between Lawrence and Lowenstein feels somewhat flat and could benefit from more emotional weight or subtext.
  • The introduction of Adeyemi's defiance adds an interesting layer to the scene, but it could be more impactful if his motivations were clearer. The audience might benefit from a brief internal reflection from Lawrence on his relationship with Adeyemi, which would enhance the emotional stakes of their interaction.
  • The pacing of the scene is generally good, but the transition from the elevator to Benitez's room feels abrupt. A more gradual build-up or a moment of reflection from Lawrence could help smooth this transition and maintain the scene's flow.
  • The visual elements, such as the aging Cardinal Lowenstein and the claustrophobic lift, effectively convey the weight of the moment. However, the scene could be enhanced by incorporating more sensory details, such as the sounds of the lift or the atmosphere in the corridor, to immerse the audience further in the setting.
  • The dialogue from Lowenstein about potentially dying before a new Pope is found is a strong line, but it could be more impactful if it were delivered with a sense of urgency or desperation. This would better reflect the gravity of the situation and the stakes involved in the conclave.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more subtext to the dialogue between Lawrence and Lowenstein to convey their shared frustration and urgency regarding the papal election. This could involve more nuanced expressions of their fears or hopes.
  • Enhance Adeyemi's character by providing a brief internal monologue or reflection from Lawrence about their past interactions, which would deepen the audience's understanding of the tension between them.
  • Smooth the transition to Benitez's room by including a moment of reflection or hesitation from Lawrence, allowing the audience to feel the weight of the situation before moving on.
  • Incorporate more sensory details to create a richer atmosphere, such as the sounds of the lift or the ambiance of the corridor, to draw the audience deeper into the scene.
  • Revise Lowenstein's line about dying to include a more urgent tone, perhaps by having him express a sense of desperation or frustration, which would heighten the stakes of the conclave.



Scene 45 -  The Weight of Worthiness
94 INT. CASA SANTA MARTA - BENITEZ ROOM - CONTINUOUS 94

Lawrence takes in the room - identical to his own, except for
a few lit candles here and the bathroom beyond.

BENITEZ
(Apologetically)
In my travels I became used to not
always having electricity. Now I
find it helpful when I pray alone.

LAWRENCE
(Politely)
I must see if it helps me.

BENITEZ
Yes. Your difficulty with prayer.

He watches Lawrence, the same keen gaze. Lawrence nods.
CONCLAVE by Peter Straughan - Pink Revisions. (27.01.2023) 85.




BENITEZ (CONT’D)
(Gently)
If I may say... sometimes I find,
instead of speaking, I have to
become silent. And in the silence
wait for God to be heard.

For a moment Lawrence feels affronted - is he, the Dean, to
be given lessons in prayer now? But he fights it down.

LAWRENCE
Yes. I’m sure you’re right.

BENITEZ
Excuse me...

He sits and starts to tie his shoes.

LAWRENCE
The other night you were kind
enough to say yo u had voted for me.
I don’t know if you’ve continued to
do so, but if you have I would like
to repeat my plea to you to stop.

BENITEZ
Why?

LAWRENCE
First, because I lack the spiritual
depth to be Pope. And secondly I
can’t possibly win. A long drawn
out Conclave would be seen by the
media as proof that the Church is
in crisis.

BENITEZ
You have come to ask me to vote for
Cardinal Tremblay?

LAWRENCE
Yes. A nd to urge your supporters to
do the same.

BENITEZ
Cardinal Tremblay has already
spoken to me about this.

LAWRENCE
(Bitterly)
I’m sure he has.
CONCLAVE by Peter Straughan - Pink Revisions. (27.01.2023) 86.


He regrets his tone instantly. Benitez studies him solemnly.

BENITEZ
You want me to vote for a man you
see as ambitious?

LAWRENCE
I do not want to see Tedesco as
Pope. He would take the Church back
to an earlier era.

BENITEZ
I’m sorry. I cannot vote for a man
unless he is the one I deem most
worthy to be Pope. And for me, that
is not Cardinal Tremblay. It is
you.

Lawrence strikes the side of his seat in frustration.

LAWRENCE
I don’t want your vote!

Benitez stares back at him calmly, and once more Lawrence
senses a surprising strength of character in this frail man.

BENITEZ
(Calmly)
Never the less, you have it.

He walks towards the bathroom, blowing out a few candles.

Lawrence watches for a moment and then sighs. He wets thumb
and forefinger and snuffs out the candle beside the bed. As
he does he stares, distracted, at the little razor, out of
place in the bedroom, still in its cellophane wrapper. And
wonders why he has noted this.

95 OMITTED 95


96 INT. CASA SANTA MARTA - DINING ROOM - NIGHT 96

Tedesco sits, holding court with his supporters. Adeyemi and
the African cardinals sit with him now.

On the other side of the room, Tremblay circulates amongst
his supporters, shaking hands, exchanging a few remarks,
every inch the political campaigner.

Lawrence sits watching the two factions, sick at heart. His
gaze drifts to the blue-habited nuns moving between the
tables with trays and wine, eyes downcast.
CONCLAVE by Peter Straughan - Pink Revisions. (27.01.2023) 87.


On a sudden impulse, he stands.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary In the Benitez Room of Casa Santa Marta, Lawrence and Benitez engage in a tense conversation about prayer and the upcoming papal election. Benitez advocates for the power of silence in prayer, which frustrates Lawrence. The discussion turns to the election, where Lawrence pleads with Benitez to support another candidate, Cardinal Tremblay, believing he is unworthy of the papacy. However, Benitez insists that Lawrence is the most deserving candidate, leaving Lawrence frustrated and contemplative as he notices a razor in the room, symbolizing his troubled state of mind.
Strengths
  • Complex character dynamics
  • Tense atmosphere
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Moral dilemmas
  • Political intrigue
Weaknesses
  • Some moments of abrupt transitions
  • Occasional lack of clarity in character motivations

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene is well-structured, with a clear focus on character development and plot progression. The dialogue is engaging and reveals the inner turmoil of Cardinal Lawrence effectively.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring the moral complexities and political maneuvering within the papal conclave is engaging and well-executed. The scene effectively captures the internal and external conflicts faced by the characters.

Plot: 8.5

The plot of the scene is crucial in advancing the narrative of the papal conclave and developing the character of Cardinal Lawrence. It introduces key conflicts and sets the stage for future developments.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh take on the power dynamics within the Catholic Church and the personal struggles of faith and leadership.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters in the scene are well-developed and multi-dimensional, especially Cardinal Lawrence and Cardinal Benitez. Their interactions reveal layers of complexity and add depth to the story.

Character Changes: 8

The scene showcases the internal conflict and moral growth of Cardinal Lawrence as he grapples with difficult decisions and confronts his own beliefs. His interactions with other characters lead to subtle but significant changes in his character.

Internal Goal: 8

Lawrence's internal goal in this scene is to navigate the complexities of his faith and leadership role within the Church. He struggles with his own spiritual depth and the pressure of the papal election.

External Goal: 7

Lawrence's external goal is to convince Benitez to stop voting for him and to support Cardinal Tremblay instead. He wants to avoid a long Conclave that would be seen as a crisis by the media.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The scene is filled with internal and external conflicts, including moral dilemmas, political tensions, and personal struggles. The conflicting motivations of the characters create a tense and engaging atmosphere.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting beliefs and motivations driving the characters' interactions.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in the scene as the characters grapple with the decision of electing the next Pope, facing moral dilemmas, political tensions, and personal conflicts. The outcome of the conclave will have far-reaching consequences.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by introducing key conflicts, advancing the plot of the papal conclave, and deepening the character development of Cardinal Lawrence. It sets the stage for future events and resolutions.

Unpredictability: 8

The scene is unpredictable in the character dynamics and the unexpected decisions made by the characters.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between Lawrence's humility and his ambition. He grapples with his own limitations and the expectations placed upon him as a potential Pope.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a range of emotions, including tension, frustration, and resignation. The inner turmoil of Cardinal Lawrence and the complex relationships between the characters add depth and emotional resonance.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue in the scene is impactful and reveals the inner thoughts and emotions of the characters. It drives the conflict and tension forward, adding depth to the narrative.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to the intense emotional conflict and the high stakes of the papal election.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows standard screenplay formatting, making it easy to read and visualize.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a traditional dialogue-driven structure, effectively building tension and conflict.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the tension between Lawrence and Benitez, showcasing their differing perspectives on prayer and the papal election. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtext to enhance the emotional stakes. For instance, Lawrence's frustration with Benitez's calm demeanor could be more pronounced, allowing the audience to feel the weight of his internal struggle.
  • Benitez's character is intriguing, but his motivations could be clearer. While he expresses a strong conviction about voting for the most worthy candidate, the scene lacks a deeper exploration of why he believes Lawrence is that candidate. Adding a line or two that hints at Benitez's past experiences or insights could enrich his character and make his support for Lawrence more compelling.
  • The pacing of the scene feels slightly uneven. The transition from the discussion about prayer to the political maneuvering could be smoother. Consider adding a moment of silence or a visual cue that emphasizes the shift in tone, allowing the audience to absorb the weight of the conversation before diving into the political implications.
  • Lawrence's internal conflict is evident, but it could be more vividly portrayed through his actions. For example, instead of simply striking the side of his seat in frustration, he could exhibit more physicality, such as pacing or clenching his fists, to visually represent his agitation and the pressure he feels from the situation.
  • The introduction of the razor at the end of the scene is intriguing but feels somewhat abrupt. It could benefit from a clearer connection to Lawrence's emotional state or the themes of the scene. Perhaps a line of dialogue or a brief flashback could tie the razor to Lawrence's internal struggle, enhancing its significance.
Suggestions
  • Enhance the subtext in the dialogue to reflect the characters' deeper emotions and motivations. Consider adding lines that hint at their past experiences or fears regarding the papacy.
  • Clarify Benitez's motivations for supporting Lawrence by incorporating a brief backstory or insight that explains why he sees Lawrence as the most worthy candidate.
  • Smooth the pacing by adding a moment of silence or a visual cue that emphasizes the shift from the discussion about prayer to the political implications of the election.
  • Increase Lawrence's physicality to better convey his internal conflict. Use body language to reflect his frustration and agitation during the conversation.
  • Develop the significance of the razor by connecting it more explicitly to Lawrence's emotional state or the themes of the scene, possibly through a line of dialogue or a brief flashback.



Scene 46 -  Whispers in the Night
97 INT. CASA SANTA MARTA - BACK OFFICE - NIGHT 97

Lawrence sits with Sister Agnes, her eyes darting to the cage
with the canary.

SISTER AGNES
Sister Shanumi is on her way home
to Nigeria.
(Off Thomas' look)
There was a flight to Lagos this
evening. I thought it was best for
everyone if she was on it.

LAWRENCE
(Beat. Quietly)
How did Sister Shanumi come to be
in Rome?

SISTER AGN ES
I received notification from the
office of the Superioress General
that she would be joining us. The
arrangements were made in Paris.
You should ask the Rue de Bac, Your
Eminence.

LAWRENCE
I would, except that, as you know,
I am sequestered for the duration
of the Conclave.

SISTER AGNES
Then you can ask them afterwards.

LAWRENCE
The information is of value to me
now.

Sister Agnes stares at him, her i ndomitable gaze. She gets up
and checks on the bird which has been oddly silent.

LAWRENCE (CONT’D)
I know you were close to the late
Pope. When I tried to resign as
dean, the Holy Father wouldn’t let
me. I didn’t understand why at the
time. But now I think I understand.
I think he knew he was dying and
for some reason he wanted me to run
this Conclave. And that is what I’m
trying to do. For him.
CONCLAVE by Peter Straughan - Pink Revisions. (27.01.2023) 88.


Sister Agnes turns and stares at him in silence for a moment.
Then she puts her glasses on and turns to the computer on the
desk. She types rapidly, then stands and walks away, leaving
Lawrence to view the e-mail she has opened up. It is marked
October 3rd, Confidential. Lawrence's gaze is drawn to the
last paragraph...

“...I would be grateful if you could take particular care of
our sister, as her presence has been requested by the Prefect
of the Congregation for the Evangelisation of Peoples, His
Eminence, Cardinal Joseph Tremblay.”

Lawrence stares at the name.
Genres: ["Drama","Mystery"]

Summary In the back office of Casa Santa Marta, Lawrence discusses Sister Shanumi's unexpected departure to Nigeria with Sister Agnes. She reveals that Sister Shanumi was sent to Rome by the Superioress General and suggests Lawrence inquire further after the Conclave. As Lawrence reflects on his past with the late Pope and his current responsibilities, Sister Agnes checks on a silent canary and types an email that hints at Cardinal Joseph Tremblay's request for Sister Shanumi. The scene is tense and contemplative, culminating in Lawrence's realization as he stares at the email, highlighting the urgency and mystery surrounding the situation.
Strengths
  • Intriguing revelation about Sister Shanumi
  • Well-developed character interactions
  • Engaging dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Limited external conflict
  • Lack of significant character development

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively builds tension and mystery through the revelation of Sister Shanumi's true purpose in Rome, adding depth to the narrative and raising questions about the characters' motivations.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of uncovering hidden connections and secrets within the Vatican adds depth and complexity to the narrative, elevating the stakes and creating a sense of urgency in the papal election process.

Plot: 8.5

The plot is advanced significantly through the revelation of Sister Shanumi's true purpose, introducing a new layer of conflict and intrigue that will impact the characters' decisions and actions moving forward.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh perspective on the inner workings of the Vatican and the dynamics of power and loyalty within the Catholic Church. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and grounded in the context of the religious setting.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters' reactions and interactions in the scene are well-developed, showcasing their individual motivations and concerns. Sister Agnes and Cardinal Lawrence's dynamic adds depth to their relationship and hints at future conflicts.

Character Changes: 7

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the revelation about Sister Shanumi's connection to Cardinal Tremblay hints at potential shifts in the characters' relationships and motivations.

Internal Goal: 8

Lawrence's internal goal in this scene is to understand the late Pope's intentions for him to run the Conclave and to honor his memory by fulfilling that role. This reflects his deeper need for validation, purpose, and a sense of duty to the Church.

External Goal: 7

Lawrence's external goal in this scene is to uncover the truth behind Sister Shanumi's presence in Rome and her connection to Cardinal Joseph Tremblay. This reflects the immediate challenge of navigating the political intrigue and secrets within the Vatican.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict in the scene is more subtle, revolving around the revelation of Sister Shanumi's true purpose and the implications it has for the ongoing papal election. The tension is primarily driven by the characters' internal dilemmas.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, as Lawrence faces obstacles in uncovering the truth about Sister Shanumi and navigating the political intrigue of the Vatican. Sister Agnes's cryptic responses and the confidential email add layers of complexity to the conflict.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are raised with the revelation of Sister Shanumi's true purpose, as it has the potential to influence the outcome of the papal election and the characters' fates.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by introducing a crucial piece of information that will impact the characters' decisions and the direction of the narrative.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected revelations about Sister Shanumi's connection to Cardinal Tremblay and the implications for Lawrence's role in the Conclave. The tension between the characters keeps the audience guessing about their true motives and allegiances.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the themes of duty, loyalty, and trust within the Church hierarchy. Lawrence grapples with his obligations to the late Pope and the Church's authority, while also questioning the motives behind Sister Shanumi's sudden appearance.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a sense of intrigue and concern, drawing the audience into the characters' dilemmas and setting the stage for future emotional developments.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is engaging and serves to reveal important information while maintaining a sense of mystery and tension. The exchanges between characters are meaningful and contribute to the scene's overall impact.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the subtle character dynamics, the unfolding mystery surrounding Sister Shanumi, and the emotional depth of Lawrence's internal struggles. The dialogue is thought-provoking and reveals layers of complexity within the narrative.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and suspense, with pauses and silent moments adding to the emotional weight of the characters' interactions. The rhythm of the dialogue enhances the scene's dramatic impact.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene adheres to standard screenplay formatting conventions, with clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting. The visual descriptions and character actions are effectively conveyed through concise and evocative language.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a traditional format for a dramatic dialogue-driven sequence, with clear character motivations and escalating tension. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the scene's effectiveness in building suspense and intrigue.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension by introducing the character of Sister Shanumi and her connection to Cardinal Tremblay, which raises questions about her role and the implications of her departure. However, the dialogue could be more dynamic; it feels somewhat expository and lacks emotional depth. Lawrence's internal conflict about his responsibilities during the Conclave could be more vividly expressed through his actions or more nuanced dialogue.
  • Sister Agnes's character is portrayed as strong and assertive, which is commendable. However, her motivations and feelings about Sister Shanumi's departure could be explored further to add complexity to her character. This would enhance the emotional stakes of the scene and provide a richer interaction between her and Lawrence.
  • The visual elements, such as the canary and the computer, serve as good symbols of confinement and communication, respectively. However, the scene could benefit from more sensory details to create a stronger atmosphere. Describing the sounds, smells, or even the lighting in the room could enhance the mood and draw the audience deeper into the moment.
  • Lawrence's reflection on his relationship with the late Pope is a poignant moment, but it feels somewhat rushed. Expanding on this reflection could provide more insight into his character and the weight of his current responsibilities. This could also serve to heighten the emotional impact of the scene.
  • The abrupt transition to the email and its content feels slightly jarring. It might be more effective to build up to this revelation with a more gradual reveal, allowing the audience to feel the weight of the information as Lawrence processes it. This would create a more satisfying narrative arc within the scene.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more emotional subtext to the dialogue between Lawrence and Sister Agnes. This could involve them sharing personal anecdotes or feelings about the late Pope or their roles in the Church, which would deepen their connection and the stakes of the conversation.
  • Explore Sister Agnes's character further by giving her a moment of vulnerability or a personal stake in Sister Shanumi's situation. This could create a more layered dynamic between her and Lawrence, making their interaction more compelling.
  • Incorporate more sensory details to enhance the atmosphere of the scene. Describing the sounds of the office, the flickering of lights, or the feeling of the air could help immerse the audience in the setting.
  • Expand on Lawrence's internal conflict regarding his responsibilities and his relationship with the late Pope. This could involve him reflecting on specific moments or lessons learned from the Pope, which would add depth to his character and the narrative.
  • Rework the transition to the email revelation to build suspense. Perhaps have Lawrence's gaze linger on the canary or the computer before he discovers the email, allowing the audience to feel the tension and significance of the information he uncovers.



Scene 47 -  Confrontation in the Shadows
98 INT. CASA SANTA MARTA - STAIRCASE - NIGHT 98

After dinner Cardinals are heading for the stairs and
elevator. Tremblay amongst a group of acolytes.

LAWRENCE (O.S.)
Your Eminence, a word if I may?

Tremblay turns -- Lawrence stands on the st aircase above him,
waiting.

TREMBLAY
(Smiling)
I was just on my way to bed.

LAWRENCE
It won’t take a moment. Come.

Tremblay’s smile is suddenly wary as Lawrence leads him to...

99 EXT. CASA SANTA MARTA - COURTYARD CORRIDOR - NIGHT 99

The corridor is empty and in semi-darkness. Tremblay and
Lawrence stand in the light of the fluorescents, their breath
pluming in the air.

TREMBLAY
(still smiling)
I know you enjoy mystery novels
Thomas but this is...

LAWRENCE
I want you to withdraw your name
from the next ballot.

Tremblay sighs, shakes his head with a sorrowful smile.
CONCLAVE by Peter Straughan - Pink Revisions. (27.01.2023) 89.


LAWRENCE (CONT’D)
You are not the right man to be
Pope.

TREMBLAY
Well, forty of our colleagues would
disagree with you, so...

LAWRENCE
Only because they don’t know you as
I do.

Tremblay looks genuinely shocked at the remark.

TREMBLAY
This is sad, Thomas. I shall pray
for you and...

LAWRENCE
(Over)
I know there was some kind of
report into your activities. I know
the Holy Father raised the matter
with you hours befo re he died and
that he dismissed you from all your
posts. And I know that, somehow,
you discovered Adeyemi’s surrender
to temptation thirty years ago and
arranged for the woman involved to
be brought to Rome, with the
express intention of destroying
Adeyemi’s chance of becoming Pope.

TREMBLAY
I deny that accusation.

LAWRENCE
You deny asking our Superioress to
transfer one of her sisters to
Rome?

TREMB LAY
No. I asked her - but not on my own
behalf.

LAWRENCE
On whose behalf, then?

TREMBLAY
The Holy Father’s.

Lawrence stares at him, staggered.
CONCLAVE by Peter Straughan - Pink Revisions. (27.01.2023) 90.


LAWRENCE
You would libel the Holy Father in
his own home?

TREMBLAY
It isn’t libel, it’s the truth! The
Holy Father gave me the name of a
sister and asked me to make a
private request to bring her to
Rome. I had no idea why. And you...
(Stepping closer)
You should be careful Thomas. Your
own ambition has not gone
unnoticed. This might be
seen as a tactic to blacken the
name of a rival.

LAWRENCE
That is a d espicable accusation.

TREMBLAY
Is it? I wonder if you really are
so very reluctant to have the
chalice passed to you!

He makes a visible effort to catch his anger.

TREMBLAY (CONT’D)
I shall pretend this conversation
never took place.

He walks away.

LAWRENCE
(After him, impotent
anger)
But it has taken place!

Across the courtyard a security guard smokes a cigarette.
Alone in the dark, Lawrence feels his uncomforta ble gaze upon
him.
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary After dinner, Cardinal Tremblay is confronted by Lawrence in a dimly lit corridor, where Lawrence urges him to withdraw from the papal ballot due to concerns about his character. Tremblay, shocked by the accusations, defends his actions as being in service of the late Holy Father. The conversation escalates into a tense exchange filled with accusations of ambition and deceit. Ultimately, Tremblay dismisses the conversation and walks away, leaving Lawrence frustrated and powerless.
Strengths
  • Tense and engaging confrontation
  • Revealing character dynamics
  • High emotional impact
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue may be overly expositional

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9.2

The scene is highly engaging, filled with tension, and reveals crucial information about the characters and their motivations. The confrontation adds depth to the plot and raises the stakes significantly.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of a high-stakes confrontation between two cardinals within the papal conclave is compelling and adds depth to the overall narrative. The scene effectively explores themes of power, manipulation, and moral ambiguity.

Plot: 9.2

The plot is significantly advanced through the revelation of hidden agendas and the escalating conflict between the characters. The scene adds layers of complexity to the story and sets up future developments.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh take on power dynamics and moral dilemmas within the Vatican, with authentic character actions and dialogue.


Character Development

Characters: 9.3

The characters of Cardinal Lawrence and Cardinal Tremblay are well-developed in this scene, with their conflicting motivations and moral dilemmas coming to the forefront. The dialogue reveals their depth and complexity.

Character Changes: 9

Both Cardinal Lawrence and Cardinal Tremblay undergo significant changes during the scene, as their true motivations and vulnerabilities are revealed. The confrontation forces them to confront their own moral dilemmas.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to maintain his reputation and power within the Vatican. This reflects his fear of losing control and being exposed for his manipulative actions.

External Goal: 7.5

The protagonist's external goal is to defend himself against accusations and maintain his position of power within the Vatican.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9.5

The level of conflict in the scene is high, with the confrontation between Cardinal Lawrence and Cardinal Tremblay revealing deep-seated tensions and conflicting agendas. The stakes are raised significantly.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting goals and moral dilemmas creating tension and uncertainty for the characters.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are extremely high in this scene, as the confrontation between Cardinal Lawrence and Cardinal Tremblay exposes hidden agendas and manipulations that could impact the outcome of the papal conclave. The characters' fates hang in the balance.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward significantly by revealing crucial information, escalating the conflict, and setting up future developments within the papal conclave. It adds depth and complexity to the narrative.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected revelations and twists in the dialogue, keeping the audience on edge.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between loyalty to the church and personal ambition. The protagonist's actions challenge the values of honesty and integrity within the church.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9.2

The scene has a strong emotional impact, as the characters' vulnerabilities and hidden truths are exposed during the confrontation. The tension and suspense evoke a range of emotions in the audience.

Dialogue: 9.4

The dialogue in the scene is sharp, confrontational, and reveals crucial information about the characters and their relationships. It drives the conflict forward and keeps the audience engaged.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its tense dialogue, moral conflict, and escalating confrontation between the characters.

Pacing: 8.5

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, leading to a climactic confrontation between the characters.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with clear scene descriptions and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a dramatic confrontation, with clear character motivations and escalating tension.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension through the confrontation between Lawrence and Tremblay, showcasing their conflicting motivations and the stakes involved in the papal election. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtext; while the characters express their thoughts directly, incorporating more nuanced language could enhance the emotional weight of their exchange.
  • Lawrence's accusations against Tremblay are compelling, but the scene risks feeling overly expository. The audience is informed of Tremblay's past actions through dialogue, which can come off as forced. Instead, consider revealing these details through more subtle hints or actions that imply the history without stating it outright.
  • The setting of the dimly lit corridor adds to the atmosphere, but the visual descriptions could be more vivid. Describing the physical sensations of the cold air or the oppressive silence could heighten the tension and immerse the audience further into the scene.
  • Tremblay's character comes across as somewhat one-dimensional in this scene. While he defends himself, his motivations for wanting to be Pope are not fully explored. Adding layers to his character could create a more complex dynamic between him and Lawrence, making the confrontation more impactful.
  • The ending of the scene, where Lawrence is left feeling impotent, is effective in conveying his frustration. However, it could be strengthened by showing a physical reaction or a moment of introspection that illustrates the weight of the conversation on him, rather than just stating it.
Suggestions
  • Incorporate more subtext into the dialogue to allow the audience to infer deeper meanings and motivations behind the characters' words.
  • Reveal Tremblay's past actions through actions or reactions rather than direct exposition, allowing the audience to piece together the history organically.
  • Enhance the visual descriptions of the setting to create a more immersive atmosphere, focusing on sensory details that evoke the cold and tension of the moment.
  • Develop Tremblay's character further by exploring his motivations and fears regarding the papacy, which could add depth to the confrontation.
  • Show Lawrence's emotional response more vividly at the end of the scene, perhaps through a physical gesture or a moment of reflection that underscores the impact of the conversation.



Scene 48 -  A Night of Reckoning
100 INT. CASA SANTA MARTA - LAWRENCE'S ROOM - NIGHT 100

The only source of light shining from the bathroom Lawrence
lies on his bed, praying. After a moment his eyes open and he
stares blindly ahead, hoping for some sign, some guidance...
The sound of Adeyemi’s snoring coming from next door.

Suddenly Lawrence sits up in bed, a decision forming in his
mind. He opens the drawer to his nigh tstand... taking the
pass key Sister Agnes had lent him.
CONCLAVE by Peter Straughan - Pink Revisions. (27.01.2023) 91.

101 OMITTED 101


102 INT. CASA SANTA MARTA - PAPAL CORRIDOR - NIGHT 102

At the end of the corridor the lift doors open, a silhouette
appearing in the hall. Lawrence silently walks down the empty
corridor.

In front of the papal suite the votive candles flicker in
their red glasses. The locked door is still criss-crossed
with red ribbons.

Lawrence stares at the door, building his courage. Then he
takes Sister Agne s’ pass key and unlocks the door. He
hesitates then pushes the door open, the wax seals cracking
free and the ribbons fluttering down...

Lawrence crosses himself and then steps into...

103 INT. PAPAL SUITE - NIGHT 103

Lawrence fumbles on the light and stares around the familiar,
plain room, the few simple items of furniture: the blue
scalloped sofa and matching armchairs, the coffee table, the
prie-dieu.

103A IN T. PAPAL OFFICE - NIGHT 103A

Lawrence sits at the desk, takes the briefcase on his knee
and opens it. Inside is an electric razor, a tin of
peppermints and a battered copy of The Imitation of Christ by
Thomas à Kempis. An ancient bus-ticket acts as a book-mark.
Lawrence opens the book and finds a passage underlined:

“At the Day of Judgement we shall not be asked what we have
read but what we have done. ”

Lawrence stares at the words. They feel like encouragement, a
command almost, from the late Holy father.

Lawrence searches through the Pope’s desk, rooting through
the drawers... An empty spectacles case, a plastic bottle of
lens cleaner, a box of aspirin, a calculator, rubber bands...

He freezes, hearing FOOTSTEPS approach.
CONCLAVE by Peter Straughan - Pink Revisions. (27.01.2023) 92.

103B INT. PAPAL CORRIDOR - CONTINUOUS 103B

SISTER AGNES is walking down the corridor. She slows, seeing
the broken seals of the papal suite and the light showing
beneath the door. She stops at the door, listening.

Then the LIGHT below the Papal Suite door switches off.

103C INT. PAPAL SUITE - CONTINUOUS 103C

Lawrence stands by the light switch in the darkness,
practically holding his breath - aware that someone is ju st
on the other side of the door.
103D INT. OUTSIDE THE PAPAL SUITE - CONTINUOUS 103D

SISTER AGNES hesitates, her hand on the door handle,
considering who the intruder could be.

And suddenly she is certain that it is Lawrence on the other
side of the door.

A strange moment of connection.

Then TWO NUNS cross the corridor behind her, deep in
conversation in Italian, breaking the silence.

Agnes straightens up again and walks on down the corridor.

103E INT. PAPAL SUITE - CONTINUOUS 103E

Lawrence waits in the dark, listening to her footsteps
recede. Then he switches the light back on.

104 INT. PAPAL BEDROOM - MOMENTS LATER 104

Lawrence enters, silhouetted in the door frame. The bed has
been strippe d.

He opens the wardrobe - a simple closet that has been
emptied of everything except two ghost-like cassocks that
hang from the rail. The sight of them makes his heart ache.

He turns to the bedside cabinet, kneels carefully and checks
the small drawer, but it’s empty.

On top of the cabinet lie the late Pope’s spectacles and
alarm clock, just as they were on the night the pope died.
CONCLAVE by Peter Straughan - Pink Revisions. (27.01.2023) 93.


The sight of them finally undoes Lawrence and leans his
elbows on the bed, his face in his hands, and is wracked by a
fit of dry sobbing.

Finally, he opens his eyes again, bleakly accepting that he
has given in to a fit of paranoid madness. He is about to
stand again when he finds himself staring at the headboard
with it’s pitifully frayed edge, the crack in the wood, as if
some implement had been forced into the join...

He reaches out a hand and pulls at the bottom corner of the
padded head-piece. It resists. With both hands now he pulls
harder, grunting with the effort...

The headboard inches out from its frame. The material on the
inside edge, normally hidden, has a frayed six inch slit down
it.

Tentatively Lawrence slips his fingers into the padded
interior.

When he withdraws them he his holding several FOLDED SHEETS
OF PAPER.
Genres: ["Drama","Mystery","Thriller"]

Summary In the quiet of Casa Santa Marta, Lawrence, driven by a mix of determination and grief, uses a pass key to enter the locked papal suite. As he searches through the Pope's belongings, he is struck by the emotional weight of the empty bed and the memories it holds. Just as he feels the presence of Sister Agnes nearby, he hides in the darkness, grappling with his internal conflict. After she leaves, he continues his search and discovers hidden papers within a frayed headboard, hinting at a deeper revelation.
Strengths
  • Effective build-up of tension and suspense
  • Emotionally impactful moment of revelation
  • Strong character development for Lawrence
Weaknesses
  • Minimal dialogue may limit character interactions and depth

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively builds tension and suspense through Lawrence's actions and discoveries, culminating in a poignant emotional moment. The revelation of the hidden papers adds depth to the plot and character development.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of Lawrence uncovering hidden papers in the late Pope's room adds intrigue and depth to the storyline. It raises questions about the past and the secrets within the Vatican.

Plot: 8.5

The plot is advanced significantly in this scene through Lawrence's discovery and emotional reaction. It adds layers to the narrative and sets up future developments.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh perspective on religious themes, blending elements of mystery and personal introspection. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and contribute to the overall authenticity of the setting.


Character Development

Characters: 8

Lawrence's character is explored in depth, showcasing his vulnerabilities and inner struggles. The scene adds complexity to his arc and deepens the audience's understanding of him.

Character Changes: 8

Lawrence undergoes significant emotional turmoil and introspection in this scene, leading to a moment of revelation and potential growth. It marks a turning point in his character arc.

Internal Goal: 8

Lawrence's internal goal in this scene is to find guidance and reassurance in a moment of doubt and uncertainty. This reflects his deeper need for clarity and purpose in his actions.

External Goal: 7

Lawrence's external goal is to investigate the papal suite and potentially uncover hidden information or clues. This reflects the immediate challenge he faces in navigating the secretive and sacred space.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict in the scene is primarily internal, as Lawrence grapples with his emotions and the implications of his discovery. It sets the stage for potential external conflicts to come.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create suspense and uncertainty, with Sister Agnes's presence adding a sense of danger and potential consequences to Lawrence's actions.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are raised as Lawrence uncovers hidden papers that could have far-reaching consequences for the Vatican and the papal election. It adds urgency and tension to the narrative.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by revealing hidden information and deepening the mystery surrounding the late Pope's room. It sets up future plot developments and character dynamics.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists in Lawrence's actions and the revelation of hidden secrets within the papal suite. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of what will happen next.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the tension between obedience to tradition and the pursuit of truth. Lawrence's actions challenge the established norms and raise questions about the boundaries of loyalty and morality.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking feelings of tension, intrigue, and empathy for Lawrence's struggles. The moment of emotional breakdown is particularly poignant.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue is minimal but impactful, focusing on Lawrence's internal monologue and emotional journey. It effectively conveys his state of mind without relying heavily on spoken words.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its blend of mystery, emotional depth, and moral dilemmas. The audience is drawn into Lawrence's internal struggle and the unfolding secrets of the papal suite.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is well-managed, with a gradual buildup of tension, moments of introspection, and a climactic reveal of hidden secrets. The rhythm of the scene enhances its emotional impact and narrative progression.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is well-executed, with clear transitions between locations, concise descriptions, and effective use of visual cues. It follows the expected format for a screenplay in this genre.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with a buildup of tension, a revelation of hidden information, and a moment of emotional catharsis. It adheres to the expected format for a dramatic and suspenseful sequence.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension through Lawrence's internal struggle and the physical act of breaking into the papal suite. The use of light and darkness symbolizes his moral ambiguity and the weight of his actions, which adds depth to his character.
  • The pacing is well-executed, with Lawrence's prayer and subsequent decision to act creating a sense of urgency. However, the transition from his prayer to the act of breaking in could be more fluid. A brief moment of reflection or a flashback could enhance the emotional stakes.
  • The dialogue is minimal, which works well in this context, allowing the visuals and Lawrence's actions to convey his emotional state. However, adding a few internal monologues or thoughts could provide more insight into his motivations and fears.
  • The imagery of the empty papal suite and the sight of the Pope's belongings is poignant, effectively evoking a sense of loss. However, the description of the room could be more vivid to enhance the emotional impact. Consider incorporating sensory details like the smell of the room or the texture of the items.
  • The moment of connection between Sister Agnes and Lawrence is intriguing but feels underdeveloped. Expanding on this interaction could add layers to their relationship and heighten the tension of the scene.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief internal monologue for Lawrence as he prays, reflecting on his doubts and fears about the papacy, which would deepen the audience's understanding of his character.
  • Enhance the sensory details in the description of the papal suite to create a more immersive experience for the audience. Describe the atmosphere, smells, and textures to evoke a stronger emotional response.
  • Expand the moment of connection between Sister Agnes and Lawrence. Perhaps include a line of dialogue or a shared memory that highlights their relationship and adds tension to the scene.
  • Make the transition from Lawrence's prayer to his decision to break in more seamless. A visual cue or a moment of hesitation could emphasize the gravity of his choice.
  • Consider incorporating a flashback or a memory that relates to the Pope, which could serve as a catalyst for Lawrence's actions and provide additional emotional weight to the scene.



Scene 49 -  Moral Dilemma in Casa Santa Marta
105 INT. CASA SANTA MARTA - UPPER CORRIDOR - NIGHT 105

Bellini opens his door and blinks at Lawrence.

106 INT. CASA SANTA MARTA - BELLINI’S ROOM - NIGHT 106

Lawrence stands sipping a glass of water. Bellini sits on the
bed, reading the sheets of paper.

LAWRENCE
It’s the report on the activities
of Tremblay. It’s an overwhelming
prima facie case that he is guilty
of simony - an offence that is
stipulated in the Holy Scripture
as...

BELLINI
(Reading)
I am aware of what simony is, thank
you.

LAWRENCE
He only obtained all those votes on
the first ballot because he bought
them. Cardenas, Diene, Figarella,
Baptiste...
(MORE)
CONCLAVE by Peter Straughan - Pink Revisions. (27.01.2023) 94.
LAWRENCE (CONT’D)
And all of this done in the last
twelve months when he must have
guessed the Holy Father’s
pontificate was coming to an end!

BELLINI
(Of the papers)
How do you know they didn’t use
this money for completely
legitimate purposes?

LAWRENCE
Because I’ve seen their bank
statements.

BELLINI
Dear God.

Lawrence finds himself staring down at the small plastic
CHESS SET which Bellini had taken from the Pope’s apart ment;
the pieces still grouped in the unfinished final game.

LAWRENCE
Ours too. It would seem the Holy
Father was spying on all of us. I
don’t think he trusted anyone.

Bellini looks up from the sheets.

BELLINI
Where did you find these?

Lawrence is silent.

BELLINI (CONT’D)
(Appalled)
You broke the seals?

LAWRENCE
What choice did I have? I suspected
Tremblay of bringing that poor
woman from Africa to embarrass
Adeyem i.

BELLINI
And did he?

LAWRENCE
He asked for the transfer. He
claims he did it at the request of
the Holy Father but... You must
continue with your candidacy, Aldo.
CONCLAVE by Peter Straughan - Pink Revisions. (27.01.2023) 94A.


Bellini stares at the papers in his hand. He holds them out
to Lawrence.
CONCLAVE by Peter Straughan - Pink Revisions. (27.01.2023) 95.


BELLINI
Put them back. Put them back or
burn them or... put them back.
(Off Thomas' stare)
I couldn’t possibly become Pope in
such circumstances, a dirty trick,
a stolen document, the smearing of
a brother cardinal... I’d be the
Richard Nixon of Popes!

LAWRENCE
Then keep clear of this. Leave it
to me. I’m willing to take the
consequences and...

BELLINI
(Over)
You know who will gain most from
this? Tedesc o! The whole basis
of his candidacy is that the Holy
Father led the Church to disaster
by his attempts at reform. If you
reveal this report it isn’t
Tremblay’s reputation which will
suffer - it’s the Church’s.
Accusing the Curia of institutional
corruption...

LAWRENCE
I thought we were here to serve
God, not the Curia...

BELLINI
Oh, don’t be naive!

They stare at each other in shocked silence. Then...

BE LLINI (CONT’D)
(Quietly)
Put them back.

LAWRENCE
(Beat)
And have Tremblay as Pope?

BELLINI
We’ve had worse.

LAWRENCE
(Beat)
What has he offered you? Secretary
of State?
CONCLAVE by Peter Straughan - Pink Revisions. (27.01.2023) 96.


Beat. Bellini looks away. Lawrence studies his friend for a
moment.

LAWRENCE (CONT’D)
Five times I cast my ballot for
you, Aldo. But I was wrong. You
lack the courage required to be
Pope.

He gets up and walks out.

TITLE CARD: THIRD DAY OF CONCLAVE.
Genres: ["Drama","Political","Thriller"]

Summary In a tense confrontation at Casa Santa Marta, Lawrence presents evidence of Tremblay's simony to Bellini, urging him to continue his candidacy for Pope despite the corruption. Bellini grapples with the moral implications of using the evidence, ultimately rejecting it to preserve his integrity and the Church's reputation. The conflict escalates as Lawrence accuses Bellini of lacking courage, leading to Lawrence's departure and leaving Bellini in deep contemplation.
Strengths
  • Sharp dialogue
  • Revealing character interactions
  • Intense conflict
Weaknesses
  • Potential lack of subtlety in moral dilemmas

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9.2

The scene is highly engaging, filled with tension, and reveals crucial information that drives the plot forward. The dialogue is sharp and impactful, highlighting the conflicting motivations of the characters.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of exposing corruption and moral ambiguity within the papal conclave is compelling and thought-provoking. It adds layers of depth to the narrative and challenges the characters' beliefs and values.

Plot: 9.3

The plot is advanced significantly in this scene through the revelation of Tremblay's corruption and the characters' reactions to it. It sets the stage for further conflict and moral dilemmas.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh perspective on the inner workings of the Vatican and the political machinations surrounding the papal election. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and nuanced, adding to the scene's originality.


Character Development

Characters: 9.2

The characters are well-developed, with complex motivations and conflicting loyalties. Their interactions and reactions to the revelations add depth to their personalities and drive the narrative forward.

Character Changes: 9

The characters undergo significant emotional and moral changes in response to the revelations, challenging their beliefs and values. This sets the stage for further character development.

Internal Goal: 9

Bellini's internal goal is to maintain his integrity and moral values in the face of political manipulation and corruption within the Church. He struggles with the decision to reveal incriminating information that could damage the Church's reputation.

External Goal: 8

Lawrence's external goal is to gather evidence against Tremblay and navigate the political landscape of the Conclave to influence the outcome of the papal election.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9.4

The conflict in the scene is intense, driven by the revelation of corruption and the characters' conflicting interests. It creates a sense of urgency and moral dilemma that heightens the tension.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting goals and moral choices creating obstacles for the characters. The audience is left uncertain about the outcome of the Conclave.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in the scene, as the characters grapple with corruption, moral dilemmas, and the future of the papal conclave. The decisions made here will have far-reaching consequences.

Story Forward: 9

The scene propels the story forward by revealing crucial information, deepening the conflict, and setting up future plot developments. It adds layers of complexity to the narrative.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the characters' shifting allegiances, moral choices, and unexpected revelations. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of the characters' next moves.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict revolves around the characters' conflicting views on loyalty to the Church versus personal ambition and the greater good. Bellini prioritizes the Church's reputation, while Lawrence is willing to sacrifice it for justice.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9.2

The scene evokes strong emotions through its revelations, moral dilemmas, and character interactions. It engages the audience on an emotional level and leaves a lasting impact.

Dialogue: 9.5

The dialogue is sharp, impactful, and reveals the inner thoughts and conflicts of the characters. It effectively conveys the tension and emotional depth of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its high stakes, moral dilemmas, and intense character interactions. The dialogue keeps the audience invested in the outcome of the Conclave.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged in the characters' moral dilemmas and political maneuvering.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character actions. The dialogue is well-paced and engaging.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a structured format that effectively builds tension and reveals character motivations. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the scene's effectiveness.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension through the confrontation between Lawrence and Bellini, showcasing their differing moral compasses regarding the use of the evidence against Tremblay. However, the dialogue can feel a bit expository at times, particularly when Lawrence explains simony and its implications. This could be streamlined to maintain the flow of the conversation and keep the audience engaged.
  • The emotional stakes are high, but the scene could benefit from more visual storytelling. For instance, the chess set serves as a powerful symbol of the Pope's distrust and the unfinished business of the Church. Expanding on this visual metaphor could deepen the thematic resonance of the scene.
  • Bellini's reluctance to use the evidence feels justified, but his character could be further developed to clarify his motivations. Why does he feel so strongly about not using the evidence? Adding a line or two that reveals his personal stakes or fears could enhance his character and make the audience empathize with his position.
  • The pacing of the scene is somewhat uneven. The dialogue is dense, which can slow down the momentum. Consider breaking up the dialogue with more action or physical reactions from the characters to create a more dynamic exchange.
  • The ending of the scene, where Lawrence accuses Bellini of lacking courage, is impactful but could be more nuanced. Instead of a straightforward accusation, consider having Lawrence express disappointment in a way that reflects their friendship, which would add emotional depth to their conflict.
Suggestions
  • Streamline the exposition about simony to make it feel more natural within the dialogue. Perhaps have Bellini respond with a more personal anecdote or insight that shows he understands the implications without needing a definition.
  • Incorporate more visual elements that reflect the tension and stakes of the conversation. For example, show Lawrence's physical reactions to the evidence or Bellini's body language as he grapples with the moral implications.
  • Develop Bellini's character further by adding a line that reveals his personal stakes or fears regarding the papacy, which would help the audience understand his reluctance to use the evidence.
  • Consider breaking up the dense dialogue with moments of silence or physical action, such as Lawrence pacing or Bellini fidgeting with the chess set, to create a more dynamic and engaging scene.
  • Add nuance to the final confrontation by having Lawrence express disappointment in Bellini's choices rather than a direct accusation. This could highlight their friendship and make the conflict feel more personal.



Scene 50 -  Revelations at Casa Santa Marta
107 INT. CASA SANTA MARTA - SECURITY GATE - EARLY MORNING 107

Dawn. Security check the line of NUNS arriving to prepare
breakfast. They bow their heads to a Cardinal as he passes.

108 INT. CASA SANTA MARTA - STORAGE ROOM - EARLY MORNING 108

A sheet from the REPORT is placed on the photocopier plate.
The heading reads Strictly Confidential. The names of some
cardinals have been obliterated with pen.

Lawrence, bleary from a sleepless night, stands staring at
the array of settings. He presses a button. “Error” flashes
on the screen. Lawrence stares at the message, wondering if
it’s an obscure judgement...

SISTER AGNES (O.S.)
I’ll do that for you, Your
Eminence.

Started, Lawrence finds Sister Agnes behind him, watching him
with her unwavering gaze. She glances at the sheet, taking in
that heading. Lawrence waits, frozen.

SISTER AGNES (CONT’D)
How many copies do you require?

LAWRENCE
One hundred and eight.

A fractional hesitation. Then Sister Agnes nods and moves to
the copier...

109 INT. CASA SANTA MARTA - DINING ROOM - MORNING 109

Sister Agnes walks from plate to plate, distributing large
brown envelopes. Cardinal Lawrence helps here the first
CARDINALS arrive and take their seats at the dining tables.
CONCLAVE by Peter Straughan - Pink Revisions. (27.01.2023) 97.

110 INT. CASA SANTA MARTA - DINING ROOM - MORNING / LATER 110

The dining room is now full, the buzz of excited
conversation. Cardinals turn in their seats to stare at
Lawrence who sits, impassive, feeling strangely calm.
Sabbadin appears in front of him, tosses the report on the
table before him.

CARDINAL SABBADIN
(Hissing)
You have wasted this report! We
could have used it to control
Tremblay after he was elected Pope.
All you have done is strengthen
Tedesco.

He walks away before Lawrence can reply. Benitez sits at the
table beside him with bread and fruit.

BENITEZ
You should eat Dean.

Lawrence stares blindly at the food.

LAWRENCE
Did I do the right thing, Vincent?

BENITEZ
No one who follows their conscience
ever does wrong, Your Eminence.

The room falls suddenly silent as Tremblay appears, hair
immaculate , chin jutted. He strides towards Lawrence.

TREMBLAY
(Loudly)
You are responsible for this I
believe?

LAWRENCE
No, Your Eminence. You are.

TREMBLAY
(For the room)
This report is entirely mendacious!
It would never have seen the light
of day if you had not broken into
the Holy Father’s apartment to
remove it!
CONCLAVE by Peter Straughan - Pink Revisions. (27.01.2023) 98.


LAWRENCE
(Calmly)
If the report is mendacious then
why did the Holy Father, in his
last official act as Pope, ask you
to resign?

A stir of amazement from the listening CARDINALS.

TREMBLAY
He did no such thing! As Monsignor
Morales, who was at the meeting
will confirm.

LAWRENCE
And yet Archbishop Wozniak insists
that the Holy Father told him
personally of the conversation...

TREMBLAY
(Over)
The Holy Father - may his name be
numbered among the high priests -
was a sick man towards the end of
his life as those of us who saw him
regularly will confirm!

TEDESCO TEDESCO
(Standing, Italian) (Standing)
< If someone else may be Se è possibile aggiungere
allowed to join this dialogue qualcun altro a questa
- the names of eight conversazione... i nomi di
cardinals have been blacked otto cardinali sono stati
out. I assume the dean can oscurati. Immagino che il
tell us who they are? Let Decano possa dirci chi sono?
them confirm, here and now, Lasciamo che siano loro a
whether Cardinal Tremblay confermare, qui ed ora, se il
requested their vot es in Cardinal Tremblay ha
return for the payment. > richiesto i loro voti in
cambio di soldi.

LAWRENCE
(Beat)
No. I won’t do that.

Uproar.

LAWRENCE (CONT’D)
(Almost drowned by the
comm otion)
Let each man examine his
conscience, as I have.
(MORE)
CONCLAVE by Peter Straughan - Pink Revisions. (27.01.2023) 99.
LAWRENCE (CONT’D)
I have no desire to create
bitterness in this Conclave and
will be happy to stand down as
dean...

More uproar. At his table, Bellini watches his old friend
standing alone in the storm of voices, conflicted whether he
should come to his aid, when...

SISTER AGNES (O.S.)
Your Eminences... Your Eminences...

Gradually the words cut through and the cardinals turn to
stare at the small, resolute figure of Si ster Agnes standing
in their midst. A silence falls, perhaps out of shock at her
presumption.

SISTER AGNES (CONT’D)
Eminences, although we Sisters are
supposed to be invisible, God has
nevertheless given us eyes and
ears. I know what prompted the Dean
of the College to enter the Holy
Father’s rooms. He was concerned
that the sister from my order who
made that regrettable scene might
have been brought to Ro me with the
deliberate intention of
embarrassing a member of this
Conclave. His suspicions were
correct. She was indeed here at the
specific request of Cardinal
Tremblay.

She genuflects and then walks out, head held very erect.
Tremblay gapes after her in horror.

TREMBLAY
My brothers, it’s true the Holy
Father asked me to. I had no
knowledge of who she was - I swear
to you!

For a moment no-one speaks. Then Adeyemi stands and points a
finger at him.

ADEYEMI
Judas.

He turns and walks out and Tremblay finds the cardinals
staring at him, stony-faced.
CONCLAVE by Peter Straughan - Pink Revisions. (27.01.2023) 100.
Genres: ["Drama","Political","Thriller"]

Summary In the tense early morning hours of the conclave at Casa Santa Marta, Lawrence faces backlash from Cardinal Sabbadin for mishandling a confidential report. As accusations fly, Tremblay confronts Lawrence, claiming the report is false and accusing him of breaking into the Holy Father's apartment. Sister Agnes intervenes, revealing Tremblay's manipulative tactics, shocking the assembly and shifting the power dynamics. The scene culminates in heightened tensions as Adeyemi accuses Tremblay of betrayal, leaving the cardinals in a state of uncertainty.
Strengths
  • Revealing pivotal information
  • Intense emotional impact
  • Complex character dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Potential for information overload
  • Complexity of political and religious themes

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9.2

The scene is highly impactful, with a significant revelation that changes the course of the story. The tension and conflict are palpable, and the emotional stakes are high, making it a standout moment in the screenplay.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of exposing corruption and betrayal within the Conclave is compelling and drives the narrative forward. The scene's focus on moral dilemmas and power struggles adds depth to the story.

Plot: 9

The plot is significantly advanced through the revelation about Tremblay, leading to a shift in power dynamics and character motivations. The scene propels the story towards a crucial turning point.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh take on the power dynamics and moral dilemmas within a religious institution. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and engaging.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters, especially Lawrence and Tremblay, are well-developed in this scene. Their conflicting motivations and moral choices are central to the dramatic tension and emotional impact.

Character Changes: 8

The scene leads to significant changes in the characters' relationships and motivations, particularly for Lawrence and Tremblay. Their actions and decisions are influenced by the revelations and conflicts.

Internal Goal: 9

Lawrence's internal goal is to navigate the political and moral challenges he faces within the Conclave. He is struggling with his conscience and the consequences of his actions.

External Goal: 8

Lawrence's external goal is to maintain his integrity and reputation amidst the accusations and power struggles within the Conclave.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is intense and multi-layered, involving moral, political, and personal stakes. The revelation about Tremblay creates a high level of tension and drama.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting values and motivations driving the characters' actions and decisions.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in the scene, as the revelation about Tremblay's actions could impact the outcome of the papal election and the integrity of the Church. The characters' reputations and moral standing are on the line.

Story Forward: 9

The scene propels the story forward by revealing crucial information about Tremblay and reshaping the power dynamics within the Conclave. It sets the stage for further developments and conflicts.

Unpredictability: 8

The scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected revelations and twists in the characters' motivations and actions.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict revolves around the themes of morality, power, and loyalty. Lawrence's actions challenge the traditional values and expectations of the church hierarchy.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking feelings of betrayal, shock, and moral dilemma. The audience is deeply engaged in the characters' struggles and revelations.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is sharp, confrontational, and impactful, effectively conveying the characters' emotions and motivations. It drives the conflict and revelations in the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its intense dialogue, moral dilemmas, and dramatic confrontations that keep the audience invested in the characters' fates.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, leading to a climactic confrontation that keeps the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting adheres to the expected format for a screenplay, effectively conveying the setting and character interactions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a structured format that effectively builds tension and conflict, leading to a dramatic climax.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension through the confrontation between Lawrence and Tremblay, showcasing the political maneuvering within the Conclave. However, the dialogue can feel a bit expository at times, particularly when characters reiterate information that the audience already knows. This could be streamlined to maintain a more natural flow.
  • Sister Agnes's intervention is a strong moment that shifts the power dynamics in the scene. However, her entrance could be foreshadowed earlier in the scene to enhance the impact of her revelation. As it stands, her sudden appearance feels somewhat abrupt, which may detract from the buildup of tension.
  • The emotional stakes are high, but the scene could benefit from deeper character exploration. For instance, Lawrence's internal conflict about his actions and the moral implications of his decisions could be more vividly portrayed through his thoughts or flashbacks, adding layers to his character.
  • The pacing of the scene is uneven; while the initial confrontation is gripping, the subsequent dialogue can drag on. Consider tightening the exchanges to maintain momentum and keep the audience engaged. The uproar following Lawrence's statement could be depicted more dynamically to reflect the chaos of the moment.
  • The use of visual elements, such as the setting and the characters' physical reactions, could be enhanced to convey the tension more effectively. For example, Lawrence's body language could reflect his internal struggle, and the reactions of the other cardinals could be more vividly described to heighten the atmosphere.
Suggestions
  • Consider revising the dialogue to reduce exposition and allow characters to express their motivations and emotions more organically. This will help maintain a natural flow and keep the audience engaged.
  • Foreshadow Sister Agnes's role earlier in the scene to create a more cohesive narrative. This could involve subtle hints about her awareness of the situation or her relationship with Lawrence.
  • Incorporate internal monologues or flashbacks for Lawrence to deepen his character development and highlight his moral dilemmas. This will provide the audience with a clearer understanding of his motivations.
  • Tighten the pacing by condensing dialogue exchanges and focusing on the most impactful lines. This will help maintain tension and prevent the scene from dragging.
  • Enhance the visual storytelling by describing characters' physical reactions and the setting in more detail. This will create a more immersive experience for the audience and emphasize the emotional stakes of the scene.



Scene 51 -  A Moment of Reflection
111 INT. CASA SANTA MARTA - PRAYER ROOM - MORNING 111

Lawrence kneels in prayer. He looks up as Bellini kneels
beside him. A beat.

BELLINI
(Wryly)
We seem to be running out of
favourites.

LAWRENCE
You should take over the
supervision of this election, Aldo.

BELLINI
Ha! No, thank you. You are steering
this Conclave. Exactly where I do
not know, but you are certainly
steering it. And that firm hand of
yours has i ts admirers. (Beat) I’ve
come to ask your forgiveness.

Surprised, Lawrence looks at him.

BELLINI (CONT’D)
I had the temerity to tell you to
examine your heart, when all the
time my own was...

He shakes his head.

BELLINI (CONT’D)
Shameful to be this age and still
not know yourself.
(A rueful smile)
Ambition, “the moth of holiness.”
(Beat)
Perhaps it’s time you decided upon
a name?

Lawrence stares at him.

BELLINI (CONT’D)
As the next most senior member of
the Conclave, it will fall to me to
ask you how you wish to be known as
Pope. Rightly or wrongly, it would
seem Tremblay is finished. This
will be a contest between Tedesco
and you. You’re the only one who
can stop him now.
CONCLAVE by Peter Straughan - Pink Revisions. (27.01.2023) 101.


The two old friends stare at each other. Then, as if
admitting to himself for the first time that the thought, the
ambition, was always there...

LAWRENCE
John. I would choose John.

Beat. Then Bellini nods.

BELLINI
It has a weight to it.

112 OMITTED 112
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary In the prayer room of Casa Santa Marta, Lawrence kneels in prayer, joined by Bellini. They discuss the papal election, with Bellini expressing admiration for Lawrence's leadership and seeking forgiveness for his past advice on ambition. Encouraging Lawrence to choose a papal name, Lawrence ultimately decides on 'John,' a choice that carries significant weight, as acknowledged by Bellini. The scene captures their contemplative and introspective dialogue, highlighting the internal struggle with ambition and the solemnity of their decisions.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
  • Poignant dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Limited external conflict
  • Reliance on dialogue for tension buildup

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene is well-crafted, focusing on character development and emotional depth. The dialogue is poignant, revealing the inner struggles of the characters and setting the stage for significant decisions in the plot.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring ambition, forgiveness, and self-awareness within the context of a papal election is compelling and adds depth to the narrative. The scene effectively conveys the internal struggles of the characters and their evolving relationships.

Plot: 8

The plot is advanced through the characters' introspective conversations and decisions, setting the stage for significant developments in the papal election. The scene contributes to the overall narrative by deepening the emotional and moral conflicts of the characters.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh perspective on the power struggles within a religious institution, blending themes of ambition, morality, and personal growth in a compelling and thought-provoking way.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters, particularly Lawrence and Bellini, are well-developed in this scene, showcasing their internal conflicts, growth, and relationships. The dialogue reveals their vulnerabilities and complexities, adding depth to their personalities.

Character Changes: 8

Both Lawrence and Bellini undergo significant internal changes in this scene, grappling with their ambitions, regrets, and decisions in the papal election. Their interactions lead to moments of self-realization and growth.

Internal Goal: 9

Lawrence's internal goal is to reconcile his ambition with his sense of self and morality. He grapples with the idea of becoming Pope and the implications of his choices on his character.

External Goal: 8

Lawrence's external goal is to navigate the power dynamics within the Conclave and secure his position as a candidate for Pope. He must make strategic decisions to outmaneuver his opponents.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

While there is emotional conflict and tension between the characters, the scene primarily focuses on internal struggles and moral dilemmas rather than external conflicts. The conflict arises from the characters' decisions and reflections.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is moderate, with internal conflicts and power struggles providing obstacles for the protagonist to overcome, adding complexity and tension to the narrative.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are high in the scene as the characters confront their ambitions, regrets, and decisions in the papal election. The outcome of their choices will have significant implications for the future of the Church.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by deepening the emotional and moral conflicts of the characters, setting the stage for significant developments in the papal election. It advances the narrative by exploring the characters' internal struggles.

Unpredictability: 7

The scene is somewhat predictable in its outcome, but the emotional and moral complexities keep the audience invested in the characters' choices and conflicts.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict revolves around the tension between ambition and morality. Lawrence must weigh his desire for power against his ethical principles, as reflected in his choice of papal name.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, drawing viewers into the characters' internal struggles and moral dilemmas. The poignant dialogue and character interactions evoke feelings of reflection, regret, and acceptance.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is poignant and introspective, capturing the emotional depth of the characters' inner struggles. It effectively conveys themes of ambition, forgiveness, and self-awareness, driving the scene's emotional impact.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its emotional intensity, moral dilemmas, and strategic intrigue, drawing the audience into the characters' inner conflicts and power dynamics.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and emotional depth, allowing for moments of reflection and character growth amidst the strategic dialogue and power dynamics.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene adheres to standard screenplay formatting conventions, making it easy to read and visualize the character interactions and setting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a traditional format for character-driven dialogue scenes, allowing for emotional depth and thematic exploration.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures a moment of introspection and vulnerability between Lawrence and Bellini, showcasing their friendship and the weight of the papal election. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtext to enhance the emotional stakes. While Bellini's admission of ambition is poignant, it feels somewhat on-the-nose and could be more subtly woven into the conversation.
  • The use of the prayer room as a setting is powerful, symbolizing the spiritual gravity of their discussion. However, the scene could be enriched by incorporating more sensory details to evoke the atmosphere—such as the flickering candles, the scent of incense, or the sound of distant prayers—which would ground the audience in the moment.
  • The transition from Bellini's wry humor to his serious admission of ambition feels abrupt. A smoother transition could help maintain the emotional flow of the scene. Additionally, Lawrence's reaction to Bellini's request for forgiveness could be more nuanced; exploring his internal conflict would deepen the character development.
  • The final lines where Lawrence chooses the name 'John' are impactful, but the moment could be heightened by showing more of Lawrence's internal struggle before making the decision. This would create a stronger emotional payoff and emphasize the significance of the name he chooses.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more sensory details to the setting to create a richer atmosphere that reflects the gravity of the moment.
  • Enhance the subtext in the dialogue to convey deeper emotions and motivations without explicitly stating them. This could involve using metaphors or references that resonate with their shared history.
  • Smooth the transition between humor and seriousness in Bellini's dialogue to maintain emotional continuity. Perhaps include a brief moment of silence or reflection before Bellini's admission.
  • Explore Lawrence's internal conflict more thoroughly before he chooses the name 'John.' This could involve a brief flashback or a moment of hesitation that highlights the weight of his decision.



Scene 52 -  The Weight of Choice
113 INT. SISTINE CHAPEL - DAY 113

A BLANK BALLOT.

Lawrence stares at his own sheet, for the first time at a
loss as to which name to write. He closes his eyes, hoping
f or inspiration, some sign. Nothing comes. He opens his eyes,
looks up...

And finds Tedesco watching him. The Patriarch raises his
eyebrows in amused complicity: Just you and me.

Lawrence picks up his pen, feeling he no longer has a choice.
Slowly he writes a name on the ballot. “Lawrence.”

He stands and holding the ballot above his head, walks down
the aisle to the waiting chalice, knowing he is a bout to sin.

LAWRENCE LAWRENCE
(in Latin) Testor Christum Dominum, qui
< I call as my witness Christ me iudicaturus est, me eum
the Lord, who will be my eligere, quem secundum Deum
judge, that my vote is given iudico eligi debere.
before God to the one who I
think should be elected. >

He holds the ballot over the chalice. Hesitates.

Then he drops the ballot into the chalice.

The explosion is felt first as a ripple in the floor, a bass
vibration throughout his body. Then the boarded windows are
blasted in, raining glass down onto the chapel.

For a moment Lawrence stands, stunned, wondering, almost
hoping, that he is dead. Time slows.
CONCLAVE by Peter Straughan - Pink Revisions. (27.01.2023) 102.


For the first time bright morning light floods the former
gloom of the chapel and Lawrence finds himself dwarfed and
pitiful before Michelangelo’s vast fresco The Last Judgement.
The work burns brilliantly before him, Christ dividing the
Damned from the Saved...

He turns again and finds the doors at the end of the
vestibule beginning to open, screeching across the glass-
strewn floor.

113A INT. SISTINE CHAPEL - VESTIBULE - DAY 113A

Two SECURITY GUARDS, guns drawn, begin to push their way in.
Frightened faces peer from behind them.
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In the Sistine Chapel, Lawrence grapples with a blank ballot, ultimately deciding to vote for himself, invoking Christ as his witness. As he casts his vote, an explosion shatters the chapel's windows, flooding the space with light and revealing Michelangelo's fresco of The Last Judgement. In the ensuing chaos, Lawrence stands in shock as security guards rush in, guns drawn.
Strengths
  • Intense tension and suspense
  • Strong character development
  • Emotional impact
  • High stakes and conflict
Weaknesses
  • Possible lack of clarity in the aftermath of the explosive outcome

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9.2

The scene is intense, well-paced, and filled with high stakes, emotional impact, and significant character changes. The execution of the design is compelling, drawing the audience into the unfolding drama.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of the scene revolves around a critical decision made by Cardinal Lawrence during the papal election, highlighting themes of morality, faith, and the consequences of one's actions.

Plot: 9

The plot of the scene is crucial in advancing the narrative of the papal election, introducing a significant turning point that will have far-reaching consequences for the characters and the story.

Originality: 8.5

The scene introduces a fresh take on the classic trope of moral dilemma in a high-stakes setting. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds depth and complexity to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters in the scene, particularly Cardinal Lawrence, are well-developed and undergo significant changes as a result of the events that unfold. Their interactions and conflicts drive the emotional intensity of the scene.

Character Changes: 9

Cardinal Lawrence undergoes a profound character change in the scene, as he makes a controversial decision that will have lasting repercussions. His moral compass is tested, leading to a transformative moment.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to make a difficult decision that challenges his beliefs and values. He grapples with the weight of his choice and the potential consequences of his actions, reflecting his deeper need for integrity and moral clarity.

External Goal: 7.5

The protagonist's external goal is to cast his vote in the Conclave, a crucial moment in the election process. This goal reflects the immediate circumstances and challenges he faces as a member of the assembly.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is intense and multi-layered, involving moral, ethical, and personal dilemmas that drive the characters to make difficult decisions with significant consequences.

Opposition: 7.5

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist facing internal and external challenges that test his beliefs and values. The uncertainty of the outcome adds to the tension and suspense.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes in the scene are incredibly high, as Cardinal Lawrence's decision could have profound implications for the outcome of the papal election and the future of the characters involved.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by introducing a critical turning point in the papal election, setting the stage for further developments and escalating tensions among the characters.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the protagonist's unexpected choice and the sudden explosion that disrupts the Conclave. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of the outcome.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the protagonist's struggle between personal integrity and loyalty to his faith and community. The tension between individual conscience and institutional expectations challenges his beliefs and values.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions of fear, shock, and confusion, as the characters grapple with the weight of their actions and the explosive outcome that follows. The audience is deeply engaged in the unfolding drama.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue in the scene is impactful, conveying the inner turmoil and moral dilemmas faced by the characters. It adds depth to their interactions and enhances the tension of the moment.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its high emotional stakes, moral complexity, and visual imagery. The tension and suspense keep the audience invested in the protagonist's decision.

Pacing: 8.5

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, with moments of introspection and action balanced to keep the audience engaged. The rhythm of the scene enhances its emotional impact.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and concise, with a focus on visual and emotional impact. It adheres to the expected format for a dramatic scene in a historical setting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a well-paced structure that builds tension and suspense effectively. The formatting aligns with the genre expectations for a dramatic moment in a historical setting.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures Lawrence's internal struggle and the weight of his decision, which is crucial at this pivotal moment in the narrative. The use of a blank ballot symbolizes his uncertainty and moral dilemma, making it relatable and engaging for the audience.
  • The dialogue in Latin adds a layer of authenticity and gravitas to the moment, reinforcing the solemnity of the occasion. However, the scene could benefit from a brief translation or context for viewers unfamiliar with Latin, ensuring that the emotional weight of his words is fully understood.
  • The transition from the quiet tension of the voting process to the explosive chaos is well-executed, creating a stark contrast that heightens the drama. The ripple effect of the explosion serves as a powerful metaphor for the upheaval in Lawrence's life and the Church, but the pacing could be adjusted to allow for a more gradual build-up to the explosion, enhancing the shock value.
  • The imagery of Michelangelo's fresco, particularly 'The Last Judgement,' is a strong visual choice that underscores the themes of judgment and morality. However, the description could be more vivid to evoke a stronger emotional response from the audience, perhaps by elaborating on Lawrence's feelings as he stands before the artwork.
  • The introduction of the security guards at the end of the scene adds an element of urgency and danger, but their entrance feels somewhat abrupt. A more gradual build-up to their arrival could enhance the tension and provide a clearer sense of the chaos unfolding outside the chapel.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief translation or context for the Latin dialogue to ensure all viewers can grasp its significance and emotional weight.
  • Adjust the pacing leading up to the explosion to create a more gradual build-up, allowing the audience to fully absorb the tension before the chaos ensues.
  • Enhance the description of Michelangelo's fresco to evoke a stronger emotional response, perhaps by exploring Lawrence's thoughts and feelings as he contemplates the artwork.
  • Introduce the security guards with more foreshadowing or build-up to their entrance, creating a clearer sense of the chaos outside and increasing the tension in the scene.
  • Explore Lawrence's internal thoughts more deeply during the moment of hesitation before he drops the ballot, providing insight into his emotional state and the gravity of his decision.



Scene 53 -  Reflections of Chaos
114 INT. PAULINE CHAPEL - DAY 114

CLOSE ON A FRESCO - Michelangelo’s Crucifixion of St Peter.

Lawrence stands, staring at the huge fresco. St Pe ter, about
to be crucified upside down, cranes his neck upward, eyes us
reproachfully.

O’Malley pads down the chapel and joins him.

MONSIGNOR O'MALLEY
Everyone has been taken to the Casa
Santa Marta, Your Eminence. No one
was seriously hurt. Some cuts,
that’s all.

Lawrence stares at the fresco for a moment.

LAWRENCE
(Without looking at him)
And outside? In the city? How bad
is it?

O’Malley passes him a s heet of paper. Lawrence reads it.

LAWRENCE (CONT’D)
(Softly)
Dear God.

O’Malley examines his exhausted face.

MONSIGNOR O'MALLEY
How are you feeling?
CONCLAVE by Peter Straughan - Pink Revisions. (27.01.2023) 102A.


LAWRENCE
(Beat)
I was looking at the darkness at
the top of the painting.
(MORE)
CONCLAVE by Peter Straughan - Pink Revisions. (27.01.2023) 103.
LAWRENCE (CONT’D)
I used to think they were clouds.
But I think it’s smoke. There’s a
fire somewhere. Some violence. And
St Peter, straining to keep his
head upright.

O’Malley hesitates, wondering if Lawrence is in shock.

MONSIGNOR O'MALLEY
Your Eminence? The Conclave? Do we
continue?

Lawrence doesn’t know what to say.

115 I/E. POLICE CAR - DAY 115

Lawrence stares out from the back of the car as it speeds
through the court yards of the Vatican, siren blaring, the
startled faces of the Swiss Guards they pass, bathed in
pulsing blue light.

He glances up at the sky, watching the helicopter that buzzes
angrily overhead, missiles protruding from its belly.

116 EXT. CASA SANTA MARTA - LOBBY - DAY 116

PUSHING LAWRENCE as he strides into the Casa, sweeps through
the courtyard, past frightened groups of NUNS and CURIA.
Mandorff wait s for him.

LAWRENCE
(As he passes him)
Complete privacy, Willi.

Mandorff nods grimly and follows him towards the Casa...
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In the Pauline Chapel, Lawrence contemplates Michelangelo's Crucifixion of St. Peter, interpreting its dark imagery as a symbol of the violence engulfing the city. Monsignor O'Malley expresses concern for the Conclave's future, but Lawrence is overwhelmed by the chaos outside. As he observes the turmoil from a police car, he grapples with the implications for the Church. The scene culminates with Lawrence arriving at Casa Santa Marta, demanding privacy to confront the crisis ahead.
Strengths
  • Intense emotional depth
  • High stakes and tension
  • Strong character development
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue could be more concise
  • Pacing may feel slow for some viewers

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively captures the tension and uncertainty following a significant event, with strong emotional depth and high stakes driving the narrative forward.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring the aftermath of a crisis within the Vatican, highlighting the characters' struggles and decisions, is compelling and well-executed.

Plot: 8.5

The plot advances significantly as the characters grapple with the consequences of the incident, leading to crucial decisions and escalating tensions, driving the narrative forward.

Originality: 8

The scene presents a fresh approach to exploring themes of faith, duty, and crisis through the lens of religious symbolism and historical context.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters' reactions and interactions are well-developed, showcasing their emotional depth and internal conflicts in response to the crisis, adding layers to their personalities.

Character Changes: 8

Several characters undergo significant emotional and moral changes in response to the crisis, leading to character development and growth.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to come to terms with the violence and chaos happening outside, as reflected in his contemplation of the fresco and his emotional response to the situation.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to make a decision about whether to continue with the Conclave in the midst of the crisis.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict is high as the characters face internal and external challenges, leading to intense confrontations and decisions that have significant consequences.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, as the protagonist faces internal and external challenges that test his faith and resolve.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high as the characters grapple with the aftermath of a violent incident during the Conclave, facing moral dilemmas, leadership challenges, and personal risks.

Story Forward: 9

The scene propels the story forward by introducing new conflicts, dilemmas, and decisions that will have a lasting impact on the narrative and character arcs.

Unpredictability: 7

The scene is unpredictable in terms of the protagonist's decision-making process and the uncertain outcome of the crisis.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the protagonist's struggle to reconcile his faith and duty with the violence and chaos surrounding him.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions from the audience, capturing the characters' turmoil and dilemmas with authenticity and intensity.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue effectively conveys the characters' emotions, motivations, and conflicts, contributing to the scene's tension and character development.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its emotional depth, philosophical conflict, and the protagonist's internal struggle.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense as the protagonist grapples with his emotions and the external crisis.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting adheres to the expected format for a dramatic scene set in a chapel.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a structured format that effectively conveys the protagonist's internal and external conflicts.


Critique
  • The scene effectively uses the visual symbolism of Michelangelo's fresco to reflect Lawrence's internal turmoil and the chaos outside. The juxtaposition of the serene art with the violence in the city creates a powerful contrast that enhances the emotional weight of the moment.
  • Lawrence's dialogue is introspective and contemplative, which suits the gravity of the situation. However, the pacing feels slightly slow, particularly in the exchange with O'Malley. The dialogue could be tightened to maintain tension and urgency, especially given the context of the violence occurring outside.
  • O'Malley's role as a supportive figure is clear, but his character could benefit from more depth. Adding a line or two that reveals his own feelings about the situation or his relationship with Lawrence could enhance the emotional stakes and provide a more dynamic interaction.
  • The transition from the chapel to the police car is visually striking, but the emotional impact could be heightened by incorporating Lawrence's thoughts or feelings as he observes the chaos outside. This would deepen the audience's connection to his character and the gravity of the situation.
  • The scene ends abruptly with Lawrence demanding privacy, which feels somewhat disjointed from the preceding contemplative tone. A more gradual transition or a reflective moment before this demand could provide a smoother narrative flow.
Suggestions
  • Consider tightening the dialogue between Lawrence and O'Malley to increase the sense of urgency and tension. For example, O'Malley could express concern more directly, prompting a quicker response from Lawrence.
  • Add a line or two for O'Malley that reveals his own emotional state or perspective on the violence, which would create a more layered interaction and deepen their relationship.
  • Incorporate Lawrence's internal thoughts or feelings as he observes the chaos from the police car. This could be done through voiceover or internal monologue, enhancing the emotional resonance of the scene.
  • Rework the ending of the scene to provide a more gradual transition from contemplation to action. Perhaps include a moment of reflection or a decision-making process before Lawrence demands privacy, allowing the audience to feel the weight of his choice.



Scene 54 -  Divided Responses: A Crisis in the Conclave
117 INT. CASA SANTA MARTA - AULA - DAY 117

The assembled cardinals look up anxiously from their seats.

LAWRENCE
My brothers, I would like to have
the authority of the Conclave to
discuss what has happened.

Archbishop Krasinski, a Tedesco supporter, stands.
CONCLAVE by Peter Straughan - Pink Revisions. (27.01.2023) 104.


KRASINSKI
Paragraph four of the constitution
states that nothing can be done in
the College of Cardinals that “in
any way affects the procedures
governing the election of the
Supreme Pontiff.” The very fact
that you are holding this meeting
outside the Sistine Chapel is an
interference!

Beside Lawrence, Bellini is already on his feet.

BELLINI
It’s quite clear that something
serious has occurred and I for one
would like to know what it is.

TEDESCO
(Italian)
You are merely looking for an
excuse to delay the decision!
(English)
We are here to listen to God, not
news bulletins.

BELLINI
No doubt you think we shouldn’t
listen to explosions either, but we
all heard one!

There is a murmur of approval and Tedesco colours. Lawrence
seizes the moment.

LAWRENCE
Will all those who wish the
Conclave to receive thi s
information, please raise their
hands?

Scores of hands are raised - a clear majority.

LAWRENCE (CONT’D)
Very well.

LAWRENCE (CONT’D)
(Reading from the sheet of
paper)
At eleven twenty this morning, a
car bomb exploded in the Piazza del
Risorgimento.
(MORE)
CONCLAVE by Peter Straughan - Pink Revisions. (27.01.2023) 105.
LAWRENCE (CONT’D)
Shortly afterwards, as people were
fleeing the scene, an individual
with explosives strapped to his
body detonated himself. There are
reports of further attacks in
Louvain and Munich...

A ripple of dismay is spreading throughout the room.

LAWRENCE (CONT’D)
The current death toll stands at
fifty two. Hundreds have been
injured.

The expressions of horror grow in volume. Tedesco lumbers to
his feet again hand r aised like an Old Testament prophet,
something horribly triumphant in his manner.

TEDESCO TEDESCO *
(Italian) Qui. Qui vediamo il risultato
< Here! Here we see the della dottrina del
result of the doctrine of relativismo tanto amata dai
relativism so beloved of our nostri fratelli liberali! Un
liberal brothers! A relativismo che vede tutte le
relativism that sees all fedi e le fantasie passeggere
faiths and passing fancies avere lo stesso peso, tanto
accorded equal weight, so che ora, quando ci guardiamo
that now, when we look around intorno, vediamo la patria
us, we see the homeland of della Santa Chiesa Cattolica
the Holy Roman Catholic romana punteggiata dalle
Church dotted with the moschee e dai minareti di
mosques and minarets of Maomett o! Sembra che non ci *
Muhammad! Sembra che non ci * sia più la vera Fede. *
sia più la vera Fede.

TEDESCO (CONT’D)
(switching to English)
Perhaps there is to be no Truth at
all! >

BELLINI
(English))
You should be ashamed, Tedesco!

Tedesco wheels on him, scarlet with anger - a rare moment of
loss of control.

TEDESCO
(English)
Ashamed? Yes! We should ALL be
ashamed!
CONCLAVE by Peter Straughan - Pink Revisions. (27.01.2023) 106.


TEDESCO (CONT’D) TEDESCO (CONT’D)
(Italian) Noi tolleriamo l'Islam nella
< We tolerate Islam in our nostra terra, ma loro ci
land, but they revile us in ripudiano nella loro! Li
theirs! We nourish them in nutriamo nella nostra patria,
our homelands, but they ma ci sterminano nella loro!
exterminate us in theirs! And E ora sono letteralmente alle
now they are literally at our nostre porte e noi non
walls and we do nothing! How facciamo nulla! Fino a quando
long will we persist in this persisteremo in questa
weakness...? What we need now debolezza? Quello di cui
is a leader who will accept abbiamo bisogno è di una
that we are once more facing guida che accetti che ci
a religious war! > troviamo di nuovo di fronte a
una guerra di religione!

Krasinski, sensing he is going too far, reaches up a
restraining hand but Tedesco brushes him angrily aside.

TEDESCO (CONT’D) TEDESCO (CONT’D)
(Italian) Una guida che sia saldamente
< A leader who will hold fast legata alle nostre
to our traditions! A leader tradizion i! Una guida che
who will put a stop to the ponga fine alla deriva che
drift that has gone on almost continua quasi
ceaselessly for the past incessantemente da
fifty years and that has cinquant'anni e che ci ha
rendered us so weak in the reso così deboli di fronte a
face of this evil! We need a questo male! Abbiamo bisogno
leader who will find the di un capo --
strength to fight these * (in English)
animals! > * -- di un leader who will find
the strength to fight these *
animals! *

BENITEZ *
(to Tedesco, over the *
uproar) *
My brother Cardinal... *

The cardinals fall silent. *

BENITEZ (CONT’D)
With respect... what do you know *
about war? *

Te desco turns to look at him in surprise. *
CONCLAVE by Peter Straughan - Pink Revisions. (27.01.2023) 107.


BENITEZ (CONT’D)
I carried out my ministry in the *
Congo, in Baghdad and Kabul. I have *
seen the lines of the dead and *
wounded, Christian AND Muslim. When *
you say “we have to fight” - what *
is it you think we’re fighting? You *
think it’s those deluded men who *
have carried out these terrible *
acts today. *
No my brother. *
*
(continues in Spanish) *

BENITEZ (CONT’D) * BENITEZ (CONT’D) *
La lucha está aquí... aquí * (in Spanish) *
dentro de cada uno de * < The thing you’re fighting *
nosotros si cedemos al odio y* is here... inside each and *
al temor, si hablamos de * every one of us, if you give *
“bandos” en vez de hablar por* into hate now, if we speak of *
cada hombre y cada mujer. * “sides” instead of speaking *
* for every man and woman. *
Esta es mi primera vez entre * *
ustedes y probablemente sea * This is my first time amongst *
mi última. Y perdónenme, pero* you and I suppose it will be *
en estos días solo hemos * my last. Forgive me, but *
demostrado ser un grupo de * th ese last few days we have *
hombres pequeños y mezquinos.* shown ourselves to be small *
Interesados solamente en * and petty men. We have seemed *
nosotros mismos, en Roma, en * concerned only with *
la elección y el poder. * ourselves, with Rome, with *
* these elections, with power. *
Pero estas cosas no son la * *
iglesia. La iglesia no es la * But these things are not the *
tradición. La iglesia no es * Church. The Church is not a *
el pasado. La iglesia es lo * tradition. The Church is not *
que hagamos en adelante. * the past. The Church is what *
we do next. > *
Genres: ["Drama","Political"]

Summary In a tense meeting at Casa Santa Marta, cardinals confront the aftermath of a devastating car and suicide bombing that killed fifty-two people. Lawrence reveals the tragic news, prompting a heated debate between Tedesco, who calls for a strong response against perceived liberal ideologies, and Benitez, who advocates for compassion and unity. The scene captures the emotional turmoil and differing perspectives among the cardinals as they grapple with the implications for the Church's future.
Strengths
  • Intense conflict
  • Compelling dialogue
  • Emotional depth
  • Exploration of complex themes
Weaknesses
  • Potential for heavy exposition
  • Overly dramatic moments

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene is intense and gripping, with a high level of conflict and emotional impact. It effectively conveys the moral and ethical dilemmas faced by the characters, driving the plot forward and setting the stage for significant character development.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of the scene, focusing on the clash of ideologies and the moral complexities of leadership, is compelling and thought-provoking. It raises important questions about faith, tradition, and the role of religion in society.

Plot: 8.5

The plot of the scene is crucial in advancing the overall narrative, introducing key conflicts and dilemmas that will have a significant impact on the characters and the outcome of the papal election.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh perspective on religious and political themes, presenting a nuanced portrayal of characters' beliefs and values. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters in the scene are well-developed and their motivations are clearly portrayed. The interactions between the cardinals reveal their conflicting beliefs and values, adding depth to the story.

Character Changes: 8

The characters undergo significant emotional and moral changes during the scene, particularly in their beliefs and convictions. The events and revelations challenge their perspectives and force them to confront difficult truths.

Internal Goal: 8

Lawrence's internal goal is to convince the other cardinals to allow him to discuss the recent events, reflecting his desire for transparency, justice, and accountability within the Church.

External Goal: 7

Lawrence's external goal is to inform the Conclave about the recent terrorist attack and its implications, reflecting the immediate challenge of addressing a crisis within the Church.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The scene is filled with intense conflict, both ideological and personal, which drives the tension and drama. The clash of beliefs and values among the characters creates a compelling dynamic.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting viewpoints, power struggles, and moral dilemmas that create uncertainty and tension.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in the scene, with the characters facing moral, ethical, and political challenges that could have far-reaching consequences for the Church and the papal election. The decisions made in this scene will shape the future of the story.

Story Forward: 9

The scene propels the story forward by introducing key conflicts, dilemmas, and revelations that will have a lasting impact on the characters and the outcome of the papal election. It sets the stage for significant developments in the narrative.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected twists in character interactions, shifting power dynamics, and moral revelations.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the clash between traditionalist views represented by Tedesco and more progressive, compassionate views represented by Lawrence and Benitez. This conflict challenges the protagonist's beliefs about the role of the Church in a changing world.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene evokes a strong emotional response from the audience, with moments of horror, shock, and reflection that resonate deeply. The characters' struggles and dilemmas are portrayed with raw emotion.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue in the scene is powerful and impactful, effectively conveying the characters' emotions and beliefs. It drives the conflict and reveals important information that shapes the direction of the narrative.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its high stakes, emotional intensity, and moral dilemmas that keep the audience invested in the characters' decisions and conflicts.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, leading to a climactic confrontation between the characters.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting adheres to the expected standards for a screenplay, with clear scene descriptions, character actions, and dialogue.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a structured format that effectively builds tension and conflict, leading to a climactic moment of revelation.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the tension and urgency of the moment, with Lawrence attempting to address a crisis amidst a divided group of cardinals. The stakes are high, and the dialogue reflects the gravity of the situation, particularly with the news of the bombings. However, the pacing could be improved; the scene feels a bit rushed, especially when transitioning from Lawrence's call for attention to the reading of the report. A moment of silence or a brief pause could heighten the emotional impact before revealing the tragic news.
  • The character dynamics are well-established, particularly the conflict between Lawrence and Tedesco. Tedesco's aggressive rhetoric serves to highlight the ideological divide within the Church, but his speech could benefit from more subtlety. Instead of outright condemnation, a more nuanced approach could make his character more complex and relatable, allowing the audience to see the fear and desperation driving his views.
  • Benitez's intervention is a strong moment that shifts the tone of the scene, but it could be more impactful if his character had been developed earlier in the script. As it stands, his sudden prominence feels a bit abrupt. Providing more background on his experiences and beliefs in earlier scenes would enhance the weight of his words and make his perspective resonate more with the audience.
  • The use of multiple languages adds authenticity to the dialogue, but it may confuse viewers who are not bilingual. Consider providing context or translations for key phrases to ensure that the audience fully grasps the implications of what is being said, especially during Tedesco's passionate speech.
  • The visual elements of the scene are compelling, particularly the imagery of the cardinals' anxious expressions and the physicality of their reactions to the news. However, incorporating more specific visual cues—such as close-ups on individual characters during key moments—could enhance the emotional stakes and allow the audience to connect more deeply with their internal struggles.
Suggestions
  • Introduce a brief moment of silence or reflection before Lawrence reads the report to build tension and allow the audience to absorb the gravity of the situation.
  • Consider softening Tedesco's rhetoric to create a more complex character, perhaps by showing his fear or vulnerability alongside his anger, making him more relatable.
  • Develop Benitez's character earlier in the script to provide context for his strong stance, allowing the audience to appreciate the significance of his intervention.
  • Provide translations or context for key phrases in Italian and Spanish to ensure clarity for all audience members, enhancing their understanding of the dialogue's implications.
  • Incorporate close-ups or specific visual cues during key moments to heighten emotional engagement and allow the audience to connect with the characters' internal conflicts.



Scene 55 -  A Walk of Unity
117A EXT. CASA SANTA MARTA - SECOND FLOOR - DAY 117A *

A nun walks quickly away from camera *


117B INT. CASA SANTA MARTA/ EXT AULA - DAY 117B *

Cardinals exit down the steps. *


117C INT. CASA SANTA MARTA/ EXT AULA - DAY 117C *

A group of Nuns walk quickly down a stairway. *
CONCLAVE by Peter Straughan - Pink Revisions. (27.01.2023) 107A.

117D EXT. CASA SANTA MARTA COURTYARD - DAY 117D *

Nun’s walk hurriedly past Cardinals standing in small groups *
having animated conversations *


117E EXT CASA SANTA MARTA COURTYARD - DAY 117E *

Many Cardinals stand in small groups having animated *
conversations *


117F EXT CASA SANTA MARTA COURTYARD - DAY 117F *

Three Cardinals have a hushed conversation. Dozens of other *
cardinals in the background do the same. *


117G EXT CASA SANTA MARTA COURTYARD – SECOND FLOOR - DAY 117G *

Two Nun’s look at someone below. Small groups of Cardinals *
continue their discussions. *


117H EXT CASA SANTA MARTA COURTYARD – SECOND FLOOR - DAY 117H *

POV of Nuns looking at scores of Cardinals gathered below *
talking. Cardinal Benetiz sits alone on a bench with a *
sandwich as other Cardinals glance at him. *


118 EXT. CASA SANTA MARTA - PARKING - DAY 118

Lawrence sits alone, digest ing the contentious gathering, as
a light drizzle of rain hits the pavement. Archbishop
Mandorff quietly approaches.

ARCHBISHOP MANDORFF
The drivers aren’t ready, Your
Eminence.

Lawrence tears himself away from his thoughts.

LAWRENCE
Then we shall walk, Willi.
CONCLAVE by Peter Straughan - Pink Revisions. (27.01.2023) 108.

119 EXT. VATICAN GARDENS - DAY 119

Lawrence leads the cardinals from the hostel. Overhead
helicopters drone. Lawrence ignores them and opens up his
umbrella. It has begun to rain.

The mass of cardinals follow, walking in silence, a sea of
white umbrellas crossing the gardens.

A sense of silent solidarity. Bellini arrives beside
Lawrence. He takes his arm in his. The two friends look at
each other, united again. They walk on.
Genres: ["Drama","Political","Spiritual"]

Summary At Casa Santa Marta, a sense of urgency fills the air as nuns and cardinals bustle about. Cardinal Benetiz sits alone, while Archbishop Mandorff informs Lawrence that the drivers are not ready. In a decisive move, Lawrence opts to walk instead, leading a group of cardinals through the Vatican Gardens under a light drizzle, each holding white umbrellas. This silent procession symbolizes their unity, culminating in a moment of solidarity as Bellini joins Lawrence, reinforcing their shared purpose.
Strengths
  • Complex character dynamics
  • Tension-filled dialogue
  • Exploration of moral dilemmas
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue may be overly expository
  • Limited physical action

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively captures the tension and complexity of the papal election process, showcasing the conflicting emotions and ethical dilemmas faced by the characters. The dialogue is engaging, and the unfolding events keep the audience invested in the outcome.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring the moral and ethical challenges faced by the cardinals during a papal conclave is compelling and well-executed. The scene effectively delves into the complexities of the characters' decisions and the high stakes involved in electing a new pope.

Plot: 8.5

The plot of the scene is engaging, focusing on the unfolding events of the papal conclave and the personal struggles of the characters involved. The tension and conflict drive the narrative forward, keeping the audience invested in the outcome.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces fresh elements such as the secretive conversations and tense interactions between the characters, adding depth and complexity to the narrative. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue enhances the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters are well-developed, each facing their own moral dilemmas and internal conflicts. The interactions between the cardinals reveal their individual motivations and beliefs, adding depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 8

Several characters undergo significant changes in the scene, grappling with their beliefs, values, and personal convictions. The internal conflicts and moral dilemmas they face lead to moments of growth and self-discovery.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to navigate the complex web of relationships and power dynamics within the conclave, while also grappling with his own doubts and uncertainties.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to maintain control and authority in the face of challenging circumstances and opposition from other cardinals.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8.5

The scene is filled with internal and external conflicts, as the characters grapple with ethical dilemmas, political pressures, and personal convictions. The tension between the cardinals and the high stakes of the papal conclave create a sense of urgency and drama.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting agendas and hidden motives creating obstacles for the protagonist to overcome.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in the scene, as the characters navigate the complex political landscape of the papal conclave, facing moral dilemmas, personal conflicts, and the weight of their decisions on the future of the Church.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by revealing key developments in the papal conclave, the characters' evolving motivations, and the escalating tensions among the cardinals. The unfolding events drive the narrative towards a climactic resolution.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the shifting alliances, hidden agendas, and unexpected twists that keep the audience on edge.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the themes of loyalty, trust, and betrayal. The protagonist must navigate conflicting loyalties and alliances within the conclave, leading to moral dilemmas and ethical challenges.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from tension and frustration to contemplation and reflection. The characters' internal struggles and the high stakes of the papal conclave create a sense of emotional depth and engagement.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is impactful, conveying the emotional depth and conflicting viewpoints of the characters. The conversations between the cardinals reveal their inner turmoil and the ethical considerations guiding their decisions.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the high stakes, complex relationships, and moral dilemmas that drive the narrative forward.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the unfolding events.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and concise, effectively conveying the action and dialogue in a visually engaging manner.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, effectively building tension and suspense through the interactions between the characters.


Critique
  • The scene effectively conveys a sense of urgency and activity within Casa Santa Marta, reflecting the chaotic atmosphere surrounding the conclave. However, the transitions between the various shots could be more fluid to enhance the visual storytelling. The abrupt shifts from nuns to cardinals may confuse the audience about the focus of the scene.
  • The dialogue is minimal, which works well in creating a sense of tension and urgency. However, the lack of character interaction limits the emotional depth of the scene. Adding brief exchanges or reactions among the cardinals could provide insight into their thoughts and feelings about the ongoing situation.
  • The visual imagery of the cardinals and nuns moving through the courtyard is strong, but it could benefit from more descriptive language to evoke the atmosphere. For instance, incorporating sensory details such as the sound of rain, the texture of the umbrellas, or the expressions on the characters' faces would enhance the scene's emotional impact.
  • The introduction of Cardinal Benetiz sitting alone adds an interesting layer of isolation amidst the collective activity. However, this moment could be expanded to explore his internal conflict or feelings of exclusion, which would deepen the audience's understanding of his character and the dynamics at play.
  • The scene concludes with a moment of silent solidarity as Lawrence and Bellini walk together. While this is a powerful visual, it could be strengthened by a brief moment of dialogue or a shared glance that encapsulates their bond and the weight of the situation they face.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a few lines of dialogue or internal monologue to provide insight into the characters' thoughts and emotions during this tense moment. This could help the audience connect more deeply with the characters.
  • Enhance the transitions between shots by using more descriptive language or visual cues that link the various elements of the scene together, creating a more cohesive flow.
  • Incorporate sensory details to enrich the atmosphere, such as the sound of rain, the feel of the umbrellas, or the expressions of the characters, to create a more immersive experience for the audience.
  • Expand on Cardinal Benetiz's moment of isolation by including a brief internal reflection or interaction that highlights his feelings about the conclave and his place within it.
  • Consider concluding the scene with a more explicit emotional exchange between Lawrence and Bellini, such as a shared sentiment or acknowledgment of their friendship, to reinforce the theme of unity amidst chaos.



Scene 56 -  The Election of Innocent
120 INT. SISTINE CHAPEL - DAY 120

The broken glass has been swept away. A faint breeze blows
through the space where the windows were.

Lawrence stands at the microphone. The beginning of what he
senses will be the final ballot of the Conclave.

LAWRENCE LAWRENCE
(Latin) Ecclesiae tuae, Domine,
< O Father, so that we may rector et custos, infunde,
guide and watch over Your quaesumus, famulis tuis
Church, give to us, Your spiritum intelligentiae,
servants, the blessings of veritatis et pacis, ut, quae
intelligence, truth and tibi placita sunt, toto corde
peace, so that we may strive cognoscant et agnita tota
to know Your will, and serve virtute sectentur. Per
You with total dedication. Christum Dominum nostrum.
For Christ our Lord... >

From the assembled Conclave comes the low rumble o f “Amen.”

ON LAWRENCE...

...sitting staring up at the painted ceiling high above. His
gaze slips to the rows of cardinals, lingers a moment on
Tedesco, Tremblay, Adeyemi, Benitez, Bellini... He feels a
sudden wave of love for them all, in all their imperfection:
the crooked timber of humanity...

From outside comes a strange, soft sound - the rise and fall
of an immense wave. The cardinals raise thei r heads,
listening, puzzled, until they realise: it is the sound of
tens of thousands gathering in St Peter’s Square.

Droplets of water are trickling through the shattered
windows, and down the stone walls.
CONCLAVE by Peter Straughan - Pink Revisions. (27.01.2023) 109.


Lawrence watches the raindrops for a moment. Then he picks up
his pen. His mind feels suddenly calm, clear. A moment of
grace.

He begins to write.

121 INT. SISTINE CHAPEL - MONTAGE - DAY 121

...ballots fall into the waiting urn....

...the ballots are pierced by the needle, threaded on the
scarlet strand.

...the hands of the Scrutineers take ballots from the urn and
pass it along...

...the white cloth is smoo thed over the table, the final urn
of counted votes is placed at its centre, ready for the
announcement...

Still in SLO-MO, the cardinals rise, one by one to their
feet, applauding...

A crowd of cardinals are gathered around someone, their backs
to us. We PUSH slowly through the crowd, which parts for us,
until we reach the cardinal at the centre, the only seated
man in the chapel...

Benitez.

Lawren ce, having reached him, stares down at the slight
figure.

LAWRENCE LAWRENCE
(Latin) Acceptasne electionem de te
< In the name of the whole canonice factam in Summum
College of Cardinals, I ask Pontificem?
you, Cardinal Benitez, do you
accept your canonical
election as Supreme Pontiff?>

Benitez, as if he hasn’t heard, continues to stare down at
his feet, his face obscured by a tumbling lock of black hair .
A long silence, a collective holding of fearful of breath. If
he should refuse...

LAWRENCE (CONT’D) LAWRENCE (CONT’D)
(Latin) Acceptasne electionem de te
< Do you accept? > canonice factam in Summum
Pontificem?

At last Benitez raises his head and stares at Lawrence.
CONCLAVE by Peter Straughan - Pink Revisions. (27.01.2023) 110.


BENITEZ BENITEZ
(Latin) Accepto.
< I accept. >

A murmur of relief, of pleasure, erupts around them. Lawrence
smiles, pats his heart to indicate his own relief.

LAWRENCE LAWRENCE
(Latin) Quo nomine vis vocari?
< And by what name do you
wish to be called? >

Benitez stands.

BENITEZ BENITEZ
(Latin) Innocentius.
< Innocent. >

A moment of silence. No Pope has derived a title from one of
the virtues for generations. The n applause of approval builds
again. Holding the table for support, Lawrence sinks to his
knees before the new Holy Father. Benitez stares down at him,
smiling, thinking...
Genres: ["Drama","Spiritual"]

Summary In the Sistine Chapel, Lawrence leads the final ballot of the Conclave, praying for guidance as the crowd gathers outside. After a tense voting process, he asks Cardinal Benitez if he accepts his election as Supreme Pontiff. Initially hesitant, Benitez ultimately accepts and chooses the name Innocent, bringing relief and applause from the cardinals. The scene concludes with Lawrence kneeling before the newly elected Pope Innocent, who smiles down at him.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Ceremonial significance
  • Character development
Weaknesses
  • Limited conflict
  • Predictable outcome

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9.2

The scene is beautifully crafted, with a mix of emotions and a significant event that marks a turning point in the story.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of electing a new Pope and the naming process is well-executed and adds depth to the story.

Plot: 9

The plot progresses significantly with the election of the new Pope, setting the stage for future developments.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh perspective on the election of a new Pope, focusing on the internal and external challenges faced by the characters. The dialogue and actions feel authentic and rooted in the historical and cultural context of the setting.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are portrayed with depth and emotion, especially Lawrence and Benitez, in this pivotal moment.

Character Changes: 7

Benitez undergoes a significant change by accepting the role of Pope, showcasing his growth and responsibility.

Internal Goal: 8

Lawrence's internal goal is to guide and watch over the Church, seeking blessings of intelligence, truth, and peace. This reflects his desire for clarity, understanding, and dedication to his faith.

External Goal: 9

Lawrence's external goal is to oversee the final ballot of the Conclave and ensure a smooth transition of power to the new Pope. This reflects the immediate challenge and responsibility he faces in the scene.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 3

While there is tension in the acceptance moment, the overall tone is more about resolution and unity.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, as the outcome of Benitez's decision is uncertain and could have significant consequences for the characters and the Church.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high as the future of the Church rests on the election of the new Pope.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by establishing the new Pope and the direction of the narrative.

Unpredictability: 8

The scene is unpredictable in the sense of the outcome of Benitez's decision, creating suspense and uncertainty for the characters and the audience.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between tradition and innovation, as seen in Benitez choosing the title 'Innocent' which breaks from generations of tradition. This challenges the established norms and beliefs within the Church.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9.5

The emotional impact is high, with a sense of relief, joy, and reverence palpable in the scene.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is impactful and ceremonial, adding to the gravity of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its emotional depth, symbolic gestures, and the high stakes of the decision being made. The tension and anticipation hold the audience's attention.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene builds tension and suspense effectively, leading to a climactic moment of decision. The slow-motion montage adds visual interest and enhances the emotional impact.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting adheres to the expected format for a screenplay, with clear scene descriptions, character actions, and dialogue cues.

Structure: 9

The scene follows a structured format that builds tension and anticipation, leading to a climactic moment of decision. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the effectiveness of the scene.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the gravity of the moment as Lawrence leads the final ballot of the Conclave. The use of Latin adds authenticity and gravitas, immersing the audience in the ceremonial atmosphere of the Vatican. However, the transition from the chaos of the previous scene to this moment of calm could be more pronounced to enhance the emotional impact.
  • The montage sequence is visually engaging, but it could benefit from more varied imagery to maintain the audience's interest. The repetition of actions (ballots falling, threading, etc.) risks becoming monotonous. Consider incorporating more dynamic visuals or emotional reactions from the cardinals to heighten the tension and anticipation.
  • The dialogue is succinct and impactful, particularly Lawrence's questions to Benitez. However, the silence before Benitez's response could be expanded to build tension further. The audience should feel the weight of the moment, and a longer pause could amplify the stakes of Benitez's acceptance.
  • The emotional arc of Lawrence is well-established, showcasing his moment of grace and clarity. However, the scene could delve deeper into his internal conflict leading up to this moment. A brief flashback or a visual cue reflecting his past struggles could enrich his character development and make his acceptance of the role more poignant.
  • The final reveal of Benitez's name, 'Innocent,' is powerful, but the scene could explore the significance of this choice more. A brief moment of reflection from Lawrence or the other cardinals could underscore the historical weight of the name and its implications for the Church.
Suggestions
  • Enhance the transition from chaos to calm by incorporating a brief moment of reflection or a visual metaphor that symbolizes the shift in atmosphere.
  • Introduce more varied visuals in the montage to keep the audience engaged, such as close-ups of the cardinals' expressions or symbolic imagery related to the Church's history.
  • Extend the silence before Benitez's response to build tension, allowing the audience to feel the weight of the moment and the potential consequences of his acceptance.
  • Consider adding a flashback or visual cue that highlights Lawrence's internal struggles, providing context for his emotional state during this pivotal moment.
  • Include a moment of reflection from Lawrence or the cardinals after Benitez reveals his name, emphasizing the historical significance and potential implications of the choice 'Innocent.'



Scene 57 -  Unsettled Reflections
122 INT. SISTINE CHAPEL - DAY / LATER 122

Lawrence stands with Mandorff preparing the deed of
acceptance. Mandorff is filling in Benitez’s name on the deed
ready for the Pontiff’s and witnesses’ signatures. Lawrence
glances at O’Malley and finds him standing at a table,
staring with strange fixity.

LAWRENCE
(amused)
Monsignor, I’m sorry to interrupt
you...

O’Malley doesn’t react.

LAWRENCE (CONT’D)
Ray...?

Startled, O’Malley looks at him.

LAWRENCE (CONT’D)
I think you should start gathering
the cardinal’s notes. The sooner we
light the stoves, the sooner the
world will know we have a new Pope.

O’Malley blinks at him, looking confused, almost frightened.
CONCLAVE by Peter Straughan - Pink Revisions. (27.01.2023) 111.


LAWRENCE (CONT’D)
Are you alright?

MONSIGNOR O'MALLEY
It wasn’t... It wasn’t the outcome
I expected.

LAWRENCE
No. But it’s wonderful all the
same.

He examines O’Malley, puzzled.

LAWRENCE (CONT’D)
(Quietly)
If it’s my position you’re worried
about, let me reassure you I feel
nothing but relief. Our new Holy
Father will make a much greater
Pope than I ever would have done.

O’Malley nods, a stricken smile. He begins to walk away.
Suddenly he wheels around and returns.

MONSIGNOR O’MALLEY
May I speak with you in private?

Lawrence feels a stab of alarm.
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In the Sistine Chapel, Lawrence and Mandorff prepare the acceptance deed for the new Pope, Benitez. Lawrence notices a troubled O'Malley, who expresses confusion and fear about the election's outcome. While Lawrence reassures him about Benitez's leadership, O'Malley's stricken smile hints at deeper concerns. The scene ends with O'Malley requesting a private conversation, leaving an air of tension and uncertainty.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Character dynamics
  • Revelations
  • Tension
Weaknesses
  • Some confusion in character motivations

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys a range of emotions and conflicts, setting the stage for further developments in the story. The dialogue and character interactions are compelling, drawing the audience into the characters' inner struggles.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the scene revolves around the aftermath of a pivotal event and the characters' reactions to it. It explores themes of acceptance, resilience, and the complexities of leadership.

Plot: 8.5

The plot progresses significantly in this scene, with revelations and character dynamics driving the narrative forward. The conflict and stakes are heightened, adding depth to the story.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh perspective on the process of electing a new Pope, delving into the personal struggles and doubts of the characters involved. The authenticity of the dialogue and actions adds to the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters are well-developed, with nuanced motivations and conflicts. Their interactions reveal layers of complexity and add depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 8

Several characters undergo significant emotional shifts in this scene, grappling with new revelations and decisions. Their growth adds depth to the narrative.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to reassure and comfort Monsignor O'Malley, who is feeling conflicted and disappointed. This reflects Lawrence's empathy and desire to maintain harmony within the church.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to ensure a smooth transition of power and acceptance of the new Pope. This reflects the immediate circumstances of the conclave and the need for stability within the church.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict in the scene is palpable, with characters facing internal and external challenges. Tensions are high, adding intensity to the interactions.

Opposition: 6

The opposition in the scene is subtle but impactful, with O'Malley's internal conflict and Lawrence's attempts to reassure him creating a sense of uncertainty and tension.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in this scene, with characters facing crucial decisions and revelations that could impact the future of the Church. The tension is palpable, adding urgency to the narrative.

Story Forward: 9

The scene propels the story forward by revealing key information and character developments. It sets the stage for the next phase of the narrative, building anticipation.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected emotional reactions of the characters and the shifting power dynamics within the church.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is between personal disappointment and acceptance of divine will. O'Malley's unexpected outcome challenges his beliefs and values, while Lawrence's reassurance highlights a sense of faith and trust in the greater plan.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes a strong emotional response from the audience, with moments of tension, relief, and introspection. The characters' struggles resonate, creating a powerful impact.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is impactful, conveying the characters' emotions and conflicts effectively. It drives the scene forward and adds depth to the character interactions.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the emotional depth of the characters, the tension in the interactions, and the subtle hints at underlying conflicts.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and emotional resonance, leading to a satisfying resolution.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene adheres to the expected format for its genre, with proper scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm contribute to its effectiveness.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the emotional aftermath of the conclave, showcasing Lawrence's relief and O'Malley's confusion. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtext to enhance the tension. O'Malley's reaction hints at deeper issues, but the dialogue doesn't fully explore this, leaving the audience wanting more insight into his feelings.
  • Lawrence's character is portrayed as optimistic and supportive, but O'Malley's fear introduces an interesting conflict that isn't fully developed. The contrast between their reactions could be emphasized further to create a more dynamic interaction. This could also serve to foreshadow potential issues with Benitez's papacy.
  • The pacing of the scene feels slightly rushed, especially given the weight of the moment. The transition from the joyous conclusion of the conclave to the private conversation could be more gradual, allowing the audience to absorb the significance of Benitez's election before diving into O'Malley's concerns.
  • The visual elements are somewhat lacking in this scene. While the dialogue is important, incorporating more visual cues or actions could enhance the emotional weight. For example, showing Lawrence's physical reactions or O'Malley's body language could convey their internal struggles more effectively.
  • The scene ends on a note of alarm with O'Malley's request for a private conversation, which is effective in creating suspense. However, it might benefit from a stronger lead-in to this moment. A brief pause or a more explicit indication of O'Malley's internal conflict could heighten the tension before he asks to speak privately.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more subtext to O'Malley's dialogue to hint at his deeper concerns about Benitez's papacy and how it might affect the Church's future.
  • Explore the contrast between Lawrence's optimism and O'Malley's fear more deeply. This could involve additional dialogue or actions that reveal their differing perspectives on the new Pope.
  • Slow down the pacing slightly to allow the audience to fully absorb the significance of the conclave's outcome before transitioning to the private conversation.
  • Incorporate more visual storytelling elements, such as close-ups of the characters' expressions or physical reactions, to enhance the emotional impact of the scene.
  • Strengthen the lead-in to O'Malley's request for a private conversation by adding a moment of hesitation or a more explicit indication of his internal conflict, which would build suspense before the scene concludes.



Scene 58 -  Urgent Revelations in the Vatican
123 INT. SALA REGIA - DAY 123

The two men stand, alone.

MONSIGNOR O'MALLEY
I’m sorry Your Eminence, I should
have told you this morning as soon
as I found out, but then...with
everything that happened...and I
didn’t dream that Cardinal Benitez
would become...

He trails off, helpless .

LAWRENCE
Just tell me what’s troubling you.

MONSIGNOR O'MALLEY
I found out... Switzerland.
Cardinal Benitez’ trip to
Switzerland.
CONCLAVE by Peter Straughan - Pink Revisions. (27.01.2023) 111A.


LAWRENCE
Switzerland? You mean the hospital
in Geneva?

O’Malley looks at him, stricken.
CONCLAVE by Peter Straughan - Pink Revisions. (27.01.2023) 112.


MONSIGNOR O'MALLEY
It wasn’t a hospital. It was a
clinic.

LAWRENCE
(Beat)
A clinic for what?

124 INT. SISTINE CHAPEL - DAY 124

Lawrence strides through the chapel towards the “Room of
Tears.”

124A INT. SISTINE CHAPEL - ANTECHAMBER - DAY 124A

He descends the stairs and crosses the sacristy, knocking on
the door. Father Haas opens it a little and looks at Lawrence
in alarm.

HAAS
His Holiness won’t get robed, Your
Eminence .

LAWRENCE
If you please, Father Haas...

Haas steps hurriedly aside. Lawrence enters the little room.
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary Monsignor O'Malley confesses to Lawrence about Cardinal Benitez's alarming trip to Switzerland, revealing it was to a clinic rather than a hospital. This news leaves Lawrence alarmed and seeking clarification. As he moves through the Sistine Chapel, he encounters Father Haas, who expresses concern about the Pope not being robed, heightening the tension. The scene captures a sense of urgency and foreboding as Lawrence prepares to confront the unfolding crisis.
Strengths
  • Revealing a shocking revelation
  • Building tension and suspense
  • Advancing the plot significantly
Weaknesses
  • Dialogue could be more impactful

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene is well-crafted, with a strong sense of tension and suspense. The revelation about Cardinal Benitez adds depth to the story and keeps the audience engaged.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of uncovering a hidden truth about Cardinal Benitez's past adds complexity to the plot and raises the stakes for the characters involved.

Plot: 8.5

The plot is advanced significantly with the revelation about Cardinal Benitez, setting the stage for further developments and conflicts in the story.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on the theme of corruption and secrecy within religious institutions, presenting a nuanced portrayal of characters grappling with moral dilemmas. The dialogue feels authentic and layered, adding depth to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters' reactions to the revelation showcase their depth and motivations, adding layers to their personalities and relationships.

Character Changes: 8

The revelation about Cardinal Benitez prompts a shift in the characters' perceptions and motivations, setting the stage for potential character development.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to uncover the truth behind the troubling information about Cardinal Benitez's trip to Switzerland. This reflects Lawrence's desire for transparency and justice within the Church.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to confront Father Haas and address the issue with the robing of His Holiness. This reflects Lawrence's immediate challenge of maintaining order and protocol within the Church.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8.5

The revelation about Cardinal Benitez creates internal and external conflicts among the characters, raising the stakes and driving the narrative forward.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with characters facing internal and external conflicts that challenge their beliefs and values. The audience is kept on edge as they navigate the moral complexities of the situation.

High Stakes: 8

The high stakes are established with the revelation about Cardinal Benitez, adding urgency and tension to the narrative.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by revealing a crucial piece of information that will impact future events and character dynamics.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected revelation about Cardinal Benitez's trip to Switzerland and the moral implications it raises. The audience is left wondering about the true nature of the situation.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the themes of secrecy, trust, and morality within the Catholic Church. The characters are faced with the dilemma of how to handle sensitive information and maintain the integrity of their faith.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a sense of concern, alarm, and tension, drawing the audience into the characters' emotional turmoil.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue effectively conveys the characters' emotions and the gravity of the situation, but could be more impactful with stronger exchanges.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the high stakes, cryptic dialogue, and moral dilemmas faced by the characters. The audience is drawn into the mystery and tension of the situation.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and suspense, with well-timed pauses and dramatic reveals. The rhythm of the dialogue adds to the emotional impact of the confrontation.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene adheres to the standard screenplay format, with clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting. The visual descriptions enhance the atmosphere of the setting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a dramatic confrontation in a religious setting, with clear character motivations and escalating tension. The pacing and rhythm of the scene contribute to its effectiveness in building suspense.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension through Monsignor O'Malley's hesitance and Lawrence's growing concern. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtext to enhance the emotional stakes. O'Malley's reluctance to share the troubling news feels somewhat abrupt; a more gradual build-up could heighten the suspense.
  • The transition from O'Malley's revelation about Benitez's trip to the clinic is jarring. The scene could better establish the significance of this information and its implications for the characters and the Church. Adding a line or two that hints at the gravity of the situation would help the audience grasp why this news is so alarming.
  • Lawrence's reaction to O'Malley's news is somewhat muted. Given the context of the story, where the stakes are incredibly high, a more visceral response from Lawrence could amplify the tension. This could be achieved through physicality or a more emotional verbal reaction.
  • The pacing of the scene feels rushed, particularly in the dialogue exchange. Allowing for more pauses or beats could give the audience time to absorb the weight of the conversation. This would also enhance the dramatic tension as O'Malley struggles to articulate his concerns.
  • The visual elements in the scene are minimal. Incorporating more descriptive actions or reactions from both characters could enrich the scene. For instance, showing Lawrence's body language or O'Malley's physical discomfort could convey their emotional states more effectively.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a line or two from O'Malley that hints at the implications of Benitez's trip to the clinic, perhaps referencing past scandals or health issues that would make this news particularly alarming.
  • Enhance Lawrence's emotional response to O'Malley's revelation. This could be done through a more dramatic reaction, such as a physical gesture or a more intense verbal response that reflects the gravity of the situation.
  • Introduce more pauses in the dialogue to allow the weight of O'Malley's words to sink in. This would create a more suspenseful atmosphere and give the audience time to process the implications of the news.
  • Incorporate more visual cues to reflect the tension in the scene. For example, describe O'Malley's fidgeting or Lawrence's pacing to illustrate their emotional states and the urgency of the conversation.
  • Consider ending the scene with a stronger emotional beat or cliffhanger that leaves the audience eager to see how Lawrence will respond to this troubling news, perhaps by showing him taking decisive action or expressing a sense of dread.



Scene 59 -  A Revelation in the Room of Tears
125 INT. SISTINE CHAPEL - ROOM OF TEARS - CONTINUOUS 125

A pale Benitez sits on a narrow bench in the corner, hunched
over, looking small. The PAPAL TAILOR helplessly holds the
white cassock of the Pope, not knowing what to do.

LAWRENCE
May I speak to you alone?

BENITEZ
Of course.

The TAILOR puts the cassock away and withdraws.

LAWRENCE
You too, Father.

Surprised, Haas bows and leaves, closing the door behind him.
Lawrence and Benitez remain for a moment in silence.
CONCLAVE by Peter Straughan - Pink Revisions. (27.01.2023) 113.


BENITEZ
(ruefully)
It seems that even the smallest
vestments are too large... I was
waiting for you to come.

LAWRENCE
You must tell me about this
treatment at the clinic in Geneva.

He’s expecting anger, denial, but Benitez merely smiles,
gently.

BENITEZ
Must I, Dean?

LAWRENCE
Yes, you must! Within the hour you
will be the most famous man in the
world! So tell me - what is your
situation?

BENITEZ
My “situatio n,” as you call it, is
the same as when I was ordained a
priest, the same as when I was made
a cardinal.

LAWRENCE
But the... treatment... in
Geneva...

BENITEZ
There was no treatment. I
considered it, prayed for guidance.
And decided against it.

LAWRENCE
And what would it have been, this
treatment?

BENITEZ
It was called a laparoscopic
hysterectomy.

A beat. A stunned Lawrence sinks into the nearest chair.
A fter a moment, Benitez pulls up a chair across from him,
their knees almost touching.

BENITEZ (CONT’D)
(Gently)
You have to understand, when I was
a child, there was no way of
knowing my “situation” was more...
(MORE)
CONCLAVE by Peter Straughan - Pink Revisions. (27.01.2023) 114.
BENITEZ (CONT’D)
complicated. I was born to poor
parents, in a community where boys
were more prized than girls. And
the life in the seminary is, as you
know, a very modest one. But the
truth is, there simply was no
reason to think I was different
from the other young men. Then, in
my late thirties, I had an
operation to remove my appendix.
And that was when the doctors
discovered that I had a uterus and
ovaries. My chromosomes would
commonly define me as being a
woman. And yet I am also... as you
see me.

Lawrence stares at him and tries to absorb this. Benitez
smiles sympathetically.

BENITEZ (CONT’D)
It was a very dark time for me. I
felt as if my entire life as a
priest had been lived in a state of
sin. Of course, I offered my
resignation to the Holy Father. I
flew to Rome and told him
everything.

LAWRENCE
He knew?

BE NITEZ
Yes. He knew.

LAWRENCE
And he thought it was acceptable
for you to continue as an ordained
minister?

BENITEZ
I would assume so. After all, he
made me a cardinal in pectore in
full knowledge of who I am.

Lawrence is baffled, trying to absorb what he has just
learned. Benitez gently continues.

BENITEZ (CONT’D)
We considered surgery to have what
you might regard as the “female”
parts of my body removed. But th e
night before I was due to fly I
realised I was mistaken.
(MORE)
CONCLAVE by Peter Straughan - Pink Revisions. (27.01.2023) 115.
BENITEZ (CONT’D)
I was who I had always been. It
seemed to me more of a sin to
correct His handiwork than to leave
my body as it was.

LAWRENCE
Then you... you are still...?

BENITEZ
I am what God made me. And perhaps
it is my difference that will make
me useful. I think again of your
sermon. I know what it is to exist
between the world’s certainties.

Lawrence considers that.

LAWRENCE
Who knows about this, apart from
O’Ma lley?

BENITEZ
Only yourself.

Lawrence nods, thinking that O’Malley can be trusted, that
this can be kept secret.

BENITEZ (CONT’D)
And one other of course.

Lawrence looks at him.

BENITEZ (CONT’D)
God.

The two stare at each other.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary In the Room of Tears within the Sistine Chapel, Cardinal Benitez confides in Lawrence about his complex identity as someone born with both male and female biological characteristics. He shares his past struggles, including the discovery of his female anatomy during an appendectomy and his decision not to undergo surgery, believing it would be a sin to alter God's creation. As Lawrence grapples with this revelation, the emotional tone shifts to one of vulnerability and acceptance, culminating in a profound connection between the two as they acknowledge the shared secret of Benitez's identity.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
  • Revealing dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Limited external conflict
  • Reliance on dialogue for exposition

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9.2

The scene is emotionally charged, revealing a significant and unexpected truth about Cardinal Benitez. It is well-written, engaging, and thought-provoking, adding depth to the character and the overall narrative.


Story Content

Concept: 9.5

The concept of revealing Cardinal Benitez's hidden truth is compelling and adds layers to the character. It explores themes of identity, acceptance, and faith in a nuanced and thought-provoking manner.

Plot: 9

The plot is advanced significantly through the revelation of Cardinal Benitez's secret, leading to character development and setting the stage for potential conflicts and resolutions. It adds depth and complexity to the narrative.

Originality: 9

The scene explores a unique and sensitive topic related to gender identity within the context of the Catholic Church. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9.5

The characters are well-developed, especially Cardinal Benitez, whose revelation adds depth and complexity to his persona. Lawrence's reaction and interaction with Benitez showcase empathy and understanding, enhancing their character dynamics.

Character Changes: 9

Both Cardinal Benitez and Lawrence undergo significant emotional and psychological changes in the scene. Benitez reveals his truth and finds acceptance, while Lawrence grapples with understanding and empathy.

Internal Goal: 9

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to come to terms with his identity and the decisions he has made regarding his gender and role in the church. This reflects his deeper need for acceptance and understanding of himself.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to maintain the secrecy of his situation and navigate the potential consequences of his decisions. This reflects the immediate challenge of preserving his reputation and position within the church.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7.5

The conflict in the scene is more internal and emotional, centered around Cardinal Benitez's revelation and Lawrence's reaction. It creates tension and introspection rather than external confrontation.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, as the protagonist faces internal and external challenges that threaten his identity and reputation.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in the scene as Cardinal Benitez's revelation could impact his candidacy for Pope, the Church's reputation, and the characters' relationships. The personal and political consequences are significant.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by revealing a crucial aspect of Cardinal Benitez's character, which has implications for the election and the dynamics within the Vatican. It sets the stage for further developments and conflicts.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected revelation about the protagonist's gender identity and the emotional impact it has on the other characters.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the tension between societal expectations and personal identity. The protagonist grapples with the idea of conforming to traditional norms versus embracing his true self.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9.5

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking sympathy, understanding, and introspection from the audience. The revelation of Cardinal Benitez's truth is poignant and resonant, eliciting strong emotions.

Dialogue: 9.2

The dialogue is poignant and impactful, effectively conveying the emotional weight of the scene. It captures the vulnerability and honesty of the characters, creating a compelling and authentic exchange.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the emotional depth of the characters, the tension of the situation, and the revelation of a sensitive topic.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and allows for emotional moments to resonate with the audience. It contributes to the effectiveness of the scene.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and concise, with proper scene headings and dialogue formatting. It follows the expected format for its genre.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene effectively builds tension and reveals key information through dialogue and character interactions. It follows the expected format for its genre.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension and emotional weight through the intimate dialogue between Lawrence and Benitez. The revelation of Benitez's complex identity is handled with sensitivity, allowing for a deeper exploration of themes such as acceptance and the nature of identity within the Church.
  • The pacing of the scene is well-structured, with moments of silence that allow the audience to absorb the gravity of Benitez's revelations. This creates a contemplative atmosphere that contrasts with the urgency of the situation outside.
  • Benitez's character is fleshed out through his backstory, which adds depth and complexity to his identity. However, the exposition could be streamlined to maintain the audience's engagement without losing the emotional impact.
  • Lawrence's reactions are appropriately stunned and contemplative, reflecting his struggle to process the information. However, there could be more physicality in his response to enhance the emotional stakes—perhaps he could fidget or show signs of distress as he grapples with the implications of Benitez's identity.
  • The dialogue is generally strong, but some lines could be tightened for clarity and impact. For example, Benitez's explanation of his past could be more concise while still conveying the necessary emotional weight.
Suggestions
  • Consider condensing some of Benitez's backstory to maintain the scene's momentum. Focus on the most impactful elements that reveal his character and the significance of his identity.
  • Enhance Lawrence's physical reactions to Benitez's revelations to convey his emotional turmoil more vividly. This could involve subtle gestures or changes in posture that reflect his internal conflict.
  • Explore the use of visual metaphors or symbols in the setting to reinforce the themes of identity and acceptance. For example, the contrast between the white cassock and Benitez's complex identity could be visually emphasized.
  • Revise some of the dialogue for brevity and clarity, ensuring that each line serves to advance the emotional stakes or character development without unnecessary elaboration.
  • Consider adding a moment of silence or a shared look between Lawrence and Benitez after a particularly heavy revelation, allowing the audience to feel the weight of the moment before moving on.



Scene 60 -  A Moment of Reflection Amidst Celebration
126 INT. PAULINE CHAPEL - LATE AFTERNOON 126

Silence. Lawrence sits, staring blankly ahead, trying to
absorb what he has just learned. Does it fundamentally change
who Benitez is?

He finds himself small i n a place so vast, staring at the
floor, trying to pray, hoping for guidance, some sense of
connection. His mind remains numb.

Suddenly he turns and stops, seeing...

A small TURTLE that is working its way across the marble.

Lawrence stares at the surreal sight - this little creature
inching towards him.
CONCLAVE by Peter Straughan - Pink Revisions. (27.01.2023) 116.


He walks to the turtle and picks it gently up. There’s
something so absurd about this.

127 INT. SISTINE CHAPEL - VESTIBULE - LATE AFTERNOON 127

O’Malley places ballot papers and notes, any record of the
Conclave into the stove and lights them.

Then he activates the chemical canister.

His eyes are drawn slowly up the length of the flue to the
point where it projects through the open window and out into
th e sky.

128 EXT. VATICAN GROUNDS - LATE AFTERNOON 128

Lawrence walks back to the fountain and places the turtle
gently back into the water.

And then he hears it.

The distant roar of a quarter of a million voices raised in
hope and acclamation as they react to the white smoke now
rising from the Vatican.

Lawrence listens as the great wave of joy rolls on, and on.

129 INT. CASA SANTA MARTA - LAWRENCE’S BEDROOM - EVENING 129

Lawrence packs his clothes and few belongings into his case.
Finally he sits, at the same time feeling an overwhelming
exhaustion as well as the sensation of having accomplished
his task.

He looks up, hearing an electronic whine. The metal shutters
at his window are slowly ascending.

He opens the window and looks outside, letting in the air and
the sun, as the cool winter breeze plays with the curtains.
He smiles, content.

129A INT. CASA SANTA MARTA - LOBBY - EVENING 129A

The shutters in the lobby rise, letting in the evening light.

129B INT. CASA SANTA MARTA - BACK OFFICE - EVENING 129B

In the office the canary sits in his cage, reacting to the
sound from outside. He begins to quietly chirp.
CONCLAVE by Peter Straughan - Pink Revisions. (27.01.2023) 117.

130 EXT. STREETS IN ROME - EVENING 130

Deserted streets in this ancient city. A newspaper in the
gutter. An abandoned car on the corner. Next to it an old
statue in crumbling marble under the steady stream of a
fountain.

130A I/E. SHOP - STREET NEAR VATICAN - EVENING 130A

The store with the PLASTIC PIETÀS from the beginning. And
suddenly there is Cardinal Lawrence, suitcase in hand,
resting his gaze on the small statues.

Then he heads down the street and disappears around the
corner. We HOLD on the display, the Pietàs, the compassion of
the WOMAN cradling the Man of Sorrows.

131 INT. SALE E TABACCHI - EVENING 131

A near-empty bar in a small café. On the counter a cold
espresso that someone didn’t have time to finish.

Behind it, in the background, the faint flicker of a TV. The
screen shows the balcony of St. Pet er. The red shape of a
Cardinal steps through the curtains.

CARDINAL BROTZKUS
Annuntio vobis gaudium magnum.
Habemus Papam!

A small figure in a white cassock steps out next to him,
bowing his head in humble submission. And now we hear it, the
roar rising to a deafening volume, the sounds of distant
celebrations coming through on the TV.


THE END
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In the Pauline Chapel, Lawrence reflects on unsettling revelations about Benitez while finding solace in a small turtle he encounters. After returning the turtle to a fountain, he hears the jubilant cheers of a crowd celebrating the election of a new Pope, marked by the rising white smoke from the Vatican. As he packs his belongings, he feels a mix of exhaustion and accomplishment, before witnessing the vibrant celebration in the streets of Rome. The scene culminates in a café where Cardinal Brotzkus announces the new Pope, igniting a deafening celebration that contrasts with Lawrence's earlier introspection.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Symbolism
  • Character development
  • Atmosphere
Weaknesses
  • Limited external conflict
  • Reliance on internal struggle

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9.2

The scene effectively blends tension, reflection, and hope, creating a compelling and emotionally resonant moment. The surreal addition of the turtle adds depth and symbolism to Lawrence's internal struggle, enhancing the overall impact of the scene.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of the scene, focusing on Lawrence's internal conflict and the surreal appearance of the turtle, is engaging and thought-provoking. The blending of tension, reflection, and hope adds depth to the narrative and enhances the character development.

Plot: 9

The plot of the scene revolves around Lawrence's emotional journey and the revelation he experiences, driving the narrative forward and deepening the character development. The inclusion of the turtle as a symbolic element adds layers to the plot and enhances the scene's impact.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh perspective on the Vatican setting, exploring themes of duty and sacrifice in a unique way. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and grounded in the context of the story.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters, particularly Lawrence, are well-developed in this scene, with Lawrence undergoing a significant internal struggle and revelation. The emotional depth and complexity of the characters drive the scene forward and engage the audience.

Character Changes: 8

Lawrence undergoes a significant internal change in this scene, experiencing a profound revelation that impacts his perspective and emotional state. The scene marks a pivotal moment in Lawrence's character development and sets the stage for future growth.

Internal Goal: 8

Lawrence's internal goal in this scene is to come to terms with the weight of his responsibilities and decisions. He is seeking guidance and connection, grappling with the impact of his actions on others.

External Goal: 7

Lawrence's external goal is to complete his task and leave the Vatican. He is focused on practical matters like packing his belongings and hearing the announcement of the new Pope.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict in the scene is primarily internal, as Lawrence grapples with a profound revelation and the uncertainty of the situation. While there are moments of tension and reflection, the conflict is more subtle and emotional in nature.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to challenge Lawrence's beliefs and values, creating conflict and tension. The audience is kept engaged by the uncertainty of how he will overcome his internal and external obstacles.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes in the scene are primarily internal, as Lawrence grapples with a profound revelation and the uncertainty of the situation. While the outcome has significant implications for Lawrence's character arc, the immediate external stakes are lower.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by deepening Lawrence's character development, introducing a key revelation, and setting the stage for future events. While the focus is more on internal conflict than external plot progression, the scene is crucial for advancing the narrative.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected emotional turns and symbolic moments that challenge the protagonist's beliefs and values. The audience is kept on their toes, unsure of how Lawrence will navigate his internal and external conflicts.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the themes of duty, faith, and personal sacrifice. Lawrence is torn between his obligations as a Cardinal and his own moral compass.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, drawing the audience into Lawrence's internal struggle and the surreal moment with the turtle. The blend of tension, reflection, and hope evokes a range of emotions and resonates on a deep level.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the tension, reflection, and hope present in the moment. While there are moments of silence and introspection, the dialogue that does occur is impactful and enhances the emotional depth of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its emotional depth, symbolic imagery, and character development. The reader is drawn into Lawrence's internal struggles and external challenges, creating a sense of tension and resolution.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is well-crafted, balancing moments of introspection with action and dialogue. The rhythm builds tension and emotional depth, leading to a satisfying resolution.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting adheres to the expected format for a screenplay, with clear scene headings, descriptions, and dialogue. The visual elements are well-crafted and enhance the reader's understanding of the setting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a coherent structure, moving between different locations and character perspectives to build tension and emotional depth. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the overall effectiveness of the scene.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures a moment of introspection for Lawrence, allowing the audience to witness his emotional state after the revelations about Benitez. However, the transition from the Pauline Chapel to the Sistine Chapel and then to the Vatican grounds feels abrupt. A smoother transition could enhance the flow of the narrative.
  • The turtle serves as a symbolic element, representing innocence and perhaps the slow, deliberate nature of understanding one's identity. However, the significance of the turtle could be further emphasized. What does it mean for Lawrence to interact with this creature at this moment? A brief internal monologue or reflection could deepen the audience's connection to this moment.
  • The juxtaposition of Lawrence's personal journey with the larger events occurring outside (the announcement of the new Pope) is compelling. However, the emotional weight of Lawrence's experience could be heightened by incorporating more sensory details. For instance, describing the sounds, smells, or sights of the Vatican grounds as he returns the turtle could create a richer atmosphere.
  • The pacing of the scene is generally effective, but the transition from Lawrence's moment of reflection to the external celebration could be more pronounced. The shift from his internal struggle to the external joy feels a bit jarring. A more gradual build-up to the celebration could enhance the emotional impact.
  • The final moments of the scene, where Lawrence packs his belongings and opens the window, convey a sense of closure and accomplishment. However, the emotional resonance of this moment could be amplified by exploring Lawrence's thoughts or feelings about leaving. What does this departure mean for him? A brief reflection could add depth.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief internal monologue for Lawrence as he interacts with the turtle, reflecting on its symbolism and what it represents in relation to his own journey.
  • Enhance the sensory details in the scene to create a more immersive experience for the audience. Describe the sounds, sights, and smells of the Vatican grounds as Lawrence returns the turtle.
  • Smooth out the transitions between locations to maintain narrative flow. Consider using visual or auditory cues to bridge the gap between Lawrence's introspection and the external celebration.
  • Build up the emotional impact of the transition from Lawrence's internal struggle to the external celebration by incorporating a gradual shift in tone or atmosphere.
  • Explore Lawrence's feelings about leaving the Vatican and what it signifies for his future. A brief reflection could add emotional depth to his departure.