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Scene 1 -  Late-Night Anticipation
FLEABAG


Written by

Phoebe Waller Bridge



Shooting Script 2nd March 2015
1 INT. FLEABAG FLAT. CORRIDOR. NIGHT. 1

Shot of the inside of a front door. Fleabag’s POV.
Shot of Fleabag a few steps away from the door, watching it
as if she’s ready to pounce. Smudged makeup, hair tousled.
Out of breath.
Shot of the inside of a front door. Fleabag’s POV.
Shot of Fleabag. She turns to the camera.
FLEABAG
(Earnest, touch of pain)
You know that feeling when a guy
you like sends you a text at 2
o’clock on a Tuesday night and asks
if he can ‘come and find you’ and
you accidentally make it out like
you’ve just got in yourself, so you
have to get out of bed, drink half
a bottle of wine, get in the
shower, shave everything, put on
some agent provocateur business,
suspender belt, and wait by the
door until the buzzer goes -
(buzzer goes)
And then you open the door to him
like you’d almost forgotten he was
coming over.
She opens the door to a handsome man.
FLEABAG (CONT’D)
(casual)
Oh hi!
GUY YOU LIKE
Hey.
FLEABAG
(to the camera)
Then you get to it immediately
They start snogging violently.
Genres: ["Comedy","Romance"]

Summary Fleabag stands nervously at her front door, reflecting on the thrill and anxiety of a late-night visit from a romantic interest. Disheveled and breathless, she prepares herself for the encounter. When the buzzer sounds, she opens the door to a handsome man, and they immediately share a passionate kiss, resolving her internal conflict of excitement and vulnerability.
Strengths
  • Witty dialogue
  • Engaging monologue
  • Strong character development
Weaknesses
  • Lack of significant conflict
  • Limited character interaction

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively sets up the protagonist's personality and humor, introduces a romantic interest, and engages the audience with its witty dialogue and playful tone.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a late-night rendezvous with a crush is engaging and relatable, and the scene effectively captures the excitement and anticipation of such a moment.

Plot: 7

The plot of the scene revolves around the protagonist's preparation for and interaction with the handsome man, setting up a potential romantic storyline.

Originality: 9

The scene demonstrates a high level of originality through its fresh and honest portrayal of modern dating dynamics and the protagonist's internal struggles. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and relatable, adding depth to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-defined, with the protagonist's witty and self-deprecating personality shining through, and the handsome man adding a romantic interest to the scene.

Character Changes: 6

The protagonist's character is further revealed through her actions and dialogue, showing vulnerability and a desire for connection.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to maintain a facade of confidence and nonchalance in front of the guy she likes, despite feeling vulnerable and insecure. This reflects her deeper need for validation and acceptance.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to impress the guy she likes and engage in a romantic encounter with him. This reflects the immediate challenge of navigating a new relationship or potential connection.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 5

The conflict in the scene is minimal, focusing more on the anticipation and excitement of a romantic encounter.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, as the protagonist faces internal and external obstacles in her pursuit of validation and connection. The audience is left uncertain about the outcome of her interactions.

High Stakes: 4

The stakes in the scene are relatively low, focusing more on the personal and romantic aspects of the protagonist's life.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing a potential romantic interest and setting up future interactions between the protagonist and the handsome man.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the protagonist's unpredictable behavior and the unexpected twists in the dialogue. The audience is kept on their toes, unsure of how the interaction will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the protagonist's struggle between authenticity and performance in her interactions with others. This challenges her beliefs about self-worth and the importance of genuine connection.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene elicits emotions of amusement, excitement, and anticipation from the audience, setting a lighthearted and playful tone.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is sharp, humorous, and revealing of the protagonist's inner thoughts and feelings, adding depth to the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its relatable and emotionally charged dialogue, as well as the dynamic between the characters. The tension and chemistry between Fleabag and the guy she likes create a sense of anticipation and intrigue.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension and suspense, leading to a climactic moment of emotional vulnerability and connection. The rhythm of the dialogue enhances the scene's impact.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene adheres to the expected format for its genre, with concise descriptions and dialogue that enhance the visual storytelling. The scene is well-paced and engaging, keeping the audience invested in the characters' interactions.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm contribute to its effectiveness in conveying the protagonist's emotional journey.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes Fleabag's character as anxious and relatable, capturing the excitement and chaos of modern dating. However, the pacing could be improved; the transition from her monologue to the buzzer feels abrupt. A brief moment of hesitation or a comedic beat before she opens the door could heighten the tension and anticipation.
  • Fleabag's direct address to the camera is a strong stylistic choice that engages the audience, but it may benefit from a more pronounced emotional arc. While she expresses her frantic preparations, adding a layer of vulnerability or self-deprecation could deepen the audience's connection to her character.
  • The dialogue is witty and captures Fleabag's voice well, but the line 'you’d almost forgotten he was coming over' could be rephrased for clarity. It might be more impactful if it conveyed a sense of disbelief or surprise at the situation, enhancing the comedic effect.
  • The physicality of the scene, particularly the 'snogging violently' moment, is a good visual cue for the chemistry between the characters. However, it might be more effective to show a moment of eye contact or a smile before they start kissing, which would build the romantic tension and make the kiss feel more earned.
  • The use of the buzzer as a narrative device is clever, but it could be enhanced by incorporating sound design or a visual cue that emphasizes Fleabag's heartbeat or anxiety as she waits. This would create a more immersive experience for the audience.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief pause or comedic moment after the buzzer goes off to build anticipation before Fleabag opens the door.
  • Infuse more vulnerability into Fleabag's monologue to create a deeper emotional connection with the audience.
  • Rephrase the line about forgetting he was coming over to better convey surprise or disbelief, enhancing the comedic impact.
  • Introduce a moment of eye contact or a smile before the kiss to build romantic tension and make the kiss feel more significant.
  • Incorporate sound design elements to emphasize Fleabag's anxiety, such as her heartbeat or a comedic sound effect, as she waits for the buzzer.



Scene 2 -  Conflicted Desires
2 INT. FLEABAG’S BEDROOM. CONT. 2

They are going at it on the bed. She talks to us during. In a
throw of passion he flips her over onto her side so she is
facing us, with him behind her. She frowns.
FLEABAG
Then after some pretty standard
bouncing you realise that he is
edging towards your arsehole.
(MORE)
Episode 1 SHOOTING SCRIPT 02.03.15 2.
FLEABAG (CONT'D)
But you’re drunk, and he made the
effort to come all the way here so,
you let him. He’s thrilled.
He looks thrilled and faintly whispers “I’m so thrilled”
Genres: ["Drama","Romance"]

Summary In this scene, Fleabag engages in a sexual encounter in her bedroom, where she humorously breaks the fourth wall to share her internal thoughts. As her partner flips her over, she realizes he is moving towards anal sex. Despite her initial hesitation and discomfort, she decides to proceed, influenced by her drunken state and his excitement. The scene captures her internal struggle with consent and comfort, blending humor with discomfort as she navigates her feelings about the experience.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
  • Intimate portrayal
Weaknesses
  • Potentially controversial content

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively conveys the intense emotions and internal struggle of the protagonist, creating a compelling and engaging moment for the audience.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring the protagonist's conflicting emotions and desires in a passionate encounter is well-executed and engaging.

Plot: 7

The scene contributes to the overall plot by revealing more about Fleabag's character and her internal struggles, adding depth to the story.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh and authentic take on the complexities of casual sexual encounters, with a focus on the protagonist's internal struggles and societal pressures.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-developed and their emotions and motivations are effectively portrayed, adding complexity to the scene.

Character Changes: 8

Fleabag undergoes a significant emotional journey in the scene, grappling with her desires and vulnerabilities, leading to a change in her perspective.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to navigate a situation where she is uncomfortable but feels pressured to go along with it due to societal expectations or her own insecurities.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to please her partner and avoid confrontation or awkwardness.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The scene contains internal conflict and emotional tension, adding depth to the character dynamics and the overall story.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist facing internal and external challenges that create uncertainty and tension for the audience.

High Stakes: 6

The stakes are emotional and personal for Fleabag, as she navigates her desires and vulnerabilities in a passionate encounter, adding depth to the character dynamics.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by revealing more about Fleabag's character and her internal struggles, setting up future conflicts and developments.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected emotional depth and complexity of the protagonist's inner conflict.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the protagonist's internal struggle between her own desires and societal expectations regarding sex and relationships.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, drawing the audience into Fleabag's internal struggle and creating a sense of intimacy and vulnerability.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue effectively conveys the characters' emotions and internal conflicts, adding depth to the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it delves into the protagonist's inner thoughts and emotions, creating a sense of tension and conflict.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, enhancing the emotional impact of the protagonist's internal conflict.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, effectively conveying the actions and dialogue.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene effectively conveys the protagonist's internal conflict and external goals, following the expected format for its genre.


Critique
  • The scene effectively maintains the show's signature fourth-wall-breaking style, allowing Fleabag to share her internal thoughts during an intimate moment. This technique adds a layer of humor and relatability, as it contrasts the physicality of the scene with her candid commentary.
  • However, the transition from the passionate kiss in the previous scene to the sexual encounter feels abrupt. While the narrative flow is generally strong, a smoother transition could enhance the pacing and emotional buildup. Consider adding a brief moment of reflection or a humorous thought before diving into the sexual encounter.
  • Fleabag's internal conflict regarding her hesitation about anal sex is a relatable and honest portrayal of modern sexual experiences. However, the phrasing 'you let him' could imply a lack of agency. It might be more empowering to frame her decision as a choice rather than a concession, which could resonate better with the audience.
  • The dialogue is witty and captures Fleabag's voice well, but the phrase 'he's thrilled' feels somewhat redundant after the character has already expressed his excitement. Instead, consider showing his thrill through action or a more unique line that adds depth to his character.
  • The visual aspect of the scene could be enhanced by describing the physicality of the characters more vividly. This would help the audience visualize the moment and feel more engaged in the intimacy of the scene.
Suggestions
  • Introduce a brief moment of humor or reflection before the sexual encounter begins to create a smoother transition from the previous scene.
  • Rephrase the line about her decision to engage in anal sex to emphasize her agency, perhaps by framing it as a choice she is making rather than something she is reluctantly allowing.
  • Replace the line 'he's thrilled' with a more unique expression of his excitement, possibly through a physical action or a more creative line of dialogue.
  • Enhance the visual description of the scene to better convey the intimacy and physicality of the moment, allowing the audience to feel more connected to the characters.
  • Consider adding a moment where Fleabag's thoughts reflect on the complexity of her feelings about the encounter, which could deepen the emotional resonance of the scene.



Scene 3 -  Morning Reflections
3 INT. FLEABAG’S BEDROOM - THE NEXT MORNING 3

She lies in bed. He is sat over her like a mother caring for
a child. Gazing at her. He is incredibly earnest.
FLEABAG
Then the next morning you wake to
find him sitting on the bed, fully
dressed, gazing at you. He says
that-
GUY YOU LIKE
Last night was incredible.
FLEABAG
Which you think is an overstatement
- but he goes on to say / it was -
GUY YOU LIKE
It was particularly special because
I have never managed to actually...
up the bum with anyone before –
FLEABAG
To be fair, he does have a large
penis - and -
GUY YOU LIKE
Although it’s always been a fantasy
of mine, I’ve never found anyone I
could do it with.
FLEABAG
He touches your hair
(he touches her hair)
and thanks you with genuine
earnest.
GUY YOU LIKE
(intensely)
Thank you.
FLEABAG
It’s sort of moving. He kisses you
gently.
(he kisses her gently)
And then he leaves.
(beat)
(MORE)
Episode 1 SHOOTING SCRIPT 02.03.15 3.
FLEABAG (CONT'D)
And you spend the rest of the day
wondering –
CUT TO:

4 INT. CAFE. MORNING. 4

Fleabag sits with a cup of tea looking up into the distance
pensively. A moment of real consideration passes before...
FLEABAG
(to camera, with fear)
Do I have a MASSIVE arsehole?
TITLE: FLEABAG
Genres: ["Drama","Romance","Comedy"]

Summary The scene unfolds in Fleabag's bedroom the morning after a significant night with a man she likes. He expresses his gratitude for their intimate encounter, sharing his excitement about a fantasy they fulfilled together. Fleabag engages in playful banter while grappling with her insecurities about her body and the implications of their connection. After a tender kiss, he leaves, prompting Fleabag to reflect on her self-image throughout the day, culminating in a pensive moment at a café.
Strengths
  • Intimate character exploration
  • Humorous moments
  • Unique storytelling approach
Weaknesses
  • Limited plot progression
  • Lack of external conflict

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively delves into the character's internal conflict and emotional complexity, providing depth to the narrative and engaging the audience.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of exploring the character's internal monologue during a vulnerable moment is innovative and adds layers to the narrative.

Plot: 7

While the scene doesn't significantly advance the plot, it provides valuable insight into the character's psyche and sets the stage for future developments.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh and authentic take on intimate relationships and personal insecurities. The characters' actions and dialogue feel genuine and relatable.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-developed, with nuanced emotions and motivations that drive the scene forward.

Character Changes: 7

The character undergoes a subtle shift in perspective and self-awareness, setting the stage for potential growth and development.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to process and reflect on a recent intimate encounter with someone she likes. This reflects her deeper need for validation, connection, and understanding of her own feelings and desires.

External Goal: 6

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to come to terms with the events of the previous night and understand their implications on her self-image and relationships.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 5

The conflict in the scene is more internal and emotional, focusing on the character's inner turmoil rather than external conflicts.

Opposition: 6

The opposition in the scene is subtle but impactful, challenging the protagonist's self-perception and societal expectations.

High Stakes: 4

The stakes in the scene are more personal and emotional, focusing on the character's internal struggles and desires.

Story Forward: 6

While the scene doesn't significantly move the plot forward, it deepens the character dynamics and sets the stage for future developments.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because it explores unexpected emotions and vulnerabilities in the protagonist's character, keeping the audience engaged and intrigued.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the protagonist's internal struggle with societal expectations, personal desires, and self-acceptance. This challenges her beliefs about intimacy, self-worth, and societal norms.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from humor to introspection, creating a strong emotional impact on the audience.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue effectively conveys the character's inner thoughts and emotions, adding depth to the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it delves into the protagonist's inner thoughts and emotions, creating a sense of intimacy and relatability for the audience.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and emotional depth, allowing the audience to connect with the protagonist's inner turmoil.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and concise, with a good balance of dialogue and action descriptions.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows a natural progression from introspection in the bedroom to reflection in the cafe, effectively conveying the protagonist's emotional journey.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the aftermath of a significant sexual encounter, showcasing Fleabag's internal monologue and her reflections on the experience. However, the dialogue feels somewhat disjointed, particularly with the abrupt transitions between Fleabag's narration and the Guy You Like's lines. This could be smoothed out to create a more cohesive flow.
  • The characterization of the Guy You Like is somewhat one-dimensional. While his earnestness is established, there is little depth to his character beyond his sexual fantasy. Adding more layers to his personality or backstory could enhance the emotional weight of the scene.
  • Fleabag's commentary on the size of the Guy You Like's penis feels a bit gratuitous and could be perceived as objectifying. While humor is a key element of the show, it’s important to balance it with sensitivity to the characters' experiences and emotions.
  • The scene's tone shifts between humor and sincerity, which is a hallmark of Fleabag. However, the transition could be more nuanced. The moment where he thanks her feels genuine, but it could be juxtaposed with a more profound reflection from Fleabag to deepen the emotional impact.
  • The ending of the scene, where Fleabag wonders about her 'massive arsehole,' is humorous but may come off as superficial compared to the deeper themes of self-worth and vulnerability that the show often explores. This could be an opportunity to delve into her insecurities more meaningfully.
Suggestions
  • Consider revising the dialogue to create smoother transitions between Fleabag's narration and the Guy You Like's lines. This could involve more interjections or reactions from Fleabag that reflect her thoughts as he speaks.
  • Develop the Guy You Like's character further by incorporating more personal anecdotes or emotional responses that reveal his vulnerabilities, making him a more rounded character.
  • Reassess the humor surrounding the Guy You Like's penis size. Instead of focusing solely on physical attributes, explore Fleabag's emotional response to the encounter and how it affects her self-image.
  • Enhance the emotional depth of the scene by allowing Fleabag to reflect more profoundly on the implications of the encounter, perhaps by contrasting her feelings of intimacy with her usual defenses.
  • Instead of ending with a humorous quip about her arsehole, consider a more introspective line that encapsulates her feelings of vulnerability and self-doubt, tying it back to the themes of the series.



Scene 4 -  Misunderstood Intentions
5 INT. AN OFFICE. LATER. 5

Black. Sounds of panting breath. Reveal of Fleabag, out of
breath and slightly sweaty. A man sits opposite her reading a
document.
MAN
Thanks for coming in today. We
really appreciate you considering
us for your
(reading it)
small business start-up loan.
FLEABAG
No problem.
MAN
I have read your application.
FLEABAG
Thank you.
MAN
It was funny!
FLEABAG
Oh - ok - that wasn’t my intention
but...
MAN
Great. As you are probably aware we
haven’t had the opportunity to
support many - any women led
businesses since the uh -
FLEABAG
Sexual harassment case
Episode 1 SHOOTING SCRIPT 02.03.15 4.


MAN
The sexual harassment case, yes.
Are you alright?
FLEABAG
Yes sorry I just ran from the
station. Bit hot. I’m really
excited about -
MAN
Water?
FLEABAG
No, I’m – I’ll be ok – actually,
yes please, that would be great.
He doesn’t do anything about the water.
MAN
Sure. It says here that your “cafe”
has been up and running for two
years - Traditionally we don’t
consider applications unless the
business is in its embryonic stage
but since this is a - young,
interesting... female-led business
we are willing to... double take -
He laughs. Fleabag laughs. He stops, confused as to why she
is laughing. It’s awkward.
MAN (CONT’D)
Yeah. There are one or two details
that need to be ironed out and a
couple more bits and pieces I’m
going to need to see. It says here
that you opened the cafe with a
partner in -
Fleabag pulls her top above her head. Realises she hasn’t got
a top on underneath and pulls it back down again.
MAN (CONT’D)
Ah ok. Um. (Beat) I’m sorry. That
won’t get you very far here any
more.
FLEABAG
Oh no sorry. I thought I had a top
on underneath.
MAN
Yeah ok but -
FLEABAG
No, in this case, genuine accident.
Episode 1 SHOOTING SCRIPT 02.03.15 5.


MAN
With our history I understand why
you might have thought -
FLEABAG
No, I wasn’t trying to - Jesus I
was hot!
MAN
I take this sort of thing very
seriously now.
FLEABAG
No I’m not trying to shag you, look
at yourself!
Beat.
MAN
Ok. Please leave.
FLEABAG
What? But, you don’t understand, I
need this loan -
MAN
Please just leave.
She gets up and starts to leave
FLEABAG
Perv.
MAN
Slut.
FLEABAG
Wow.
MAN
Please leave.
FLEABAG
You please leave.
MAN
It’s my office.
FLEABAG
Yeah?
MAN
Ok.
He leaves. Fleabag puts her head in her hands.
Episode 1 SHOOTING SCRIPT 02.03.15 6.
Genres: ["Drama","Comedy"]

Summary Fleabag nervously attends a meeting for a small business loan, but the conversation takes a turn when she accidentally exposes herself, leading to an awkward misunderstanding with the man interviewing her. Despite her attempts to clarify the situation, the man becomes uncomfortable and asks her to leave, resulting in a heated exchange of insults. The scene ends with Fleabag distressed after the failed meeting.
Strengths
  • Sharp dialogue
  • Realistic character interactions
  • Exploration of complex themes
Weaknesses
  • Awkward pacing in some moments
  • Slightly predictable outcome

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively conveys a mix of emotions and themes, keeping the audience engaged and intrigued.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of exploring workplace dynamics and gender issues in a comedic yet thought-provoking way is innovative and engaging.

Plot: 7

The plot of the scene moves forward by introducing a conflict and showcasing character development, adding depth to the overall story.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh approach to the theme of gender discrimination in the workplace, with a focus on subtle power dynamics and uncomfortable interactions. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and reflect real-world challenges faced by women in business.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-developed and their interactions feel authentic, adding to the realism of the scene.

Character Changes: 7

Fleabag experiences a shift in her perception of the man and the situation, leading to a subtle but significant character change.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to secure a loan for her small business start-up. This goal reflects her desire for independence, success, and validation of her business idea.

External Goal: 7.5

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to navigate the challenges presented by the male-dominated office environment and secure the loan for her business.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict between Fleabag and the man adds tension and drama to the scene, keeping the audience engaged.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist facing difficult challenges and obstacles in her quest for the loan. The audience is left uncertain about the outcome, adding to the tension.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are relatively high for Fleabag, as she risks losing a potential business opportunity due to a misunderstanding.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing a new conflict and setting up future developments.

Unpredictability: 8.5

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists in the dialogue and character interactions. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of how the confrontation will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the clash between traditional gender roles and expectations, and the protagonist's desire for agency and success. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs about gender equality and the obstacles faced by women in business.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene elicits a range of emotions from the audience, including discomfort, humor, and empathy.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is sharp, witty, and realistic, capturing the essence of the characters and the awkward situation they find themselves in.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its tense atmosphere, sharp dialogue, and unpredictable interactions between the characters. The power dynamics and gender issues keep the audience invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 8.5

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and suspense, with a gradual escalation of conflict and resolution. The rhythm of the dialogue adds to the overall impact of the scene.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings, dialogue, and action descriptions.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the effectiveness of the scene.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the awkwardness and tension of a business meeting gone wrong, showcasing Fleabag's character as both humorous and vulnerable. However, the transition from a serious discussion about a loan to the accidental exposure feels abrupt and could benefit from a smoother lead-in to maintain the flow.
  • Fleabag's accidental exposure serves as a comedic moment, but it also risks undermining the serious themes of sexism and misunderstanding in the workplace. The humor should be balanced with the gravity of the situation to ensure that the audience understands the implications of her actions and the man's reaction.
  • The dialogue is sharp and reflects the characters' personalities well, but the insults exchanged at the end feel somewhat forced and could be more organic. The confrontation escalates quickly, which may detract from the emotional weight of Fleabag's distress. A more nuanced exchange could enhance the impact of the scene.
  • The man's character could be developed further to provide more context for his reaction. Is he genuinely uncomfortable, or is he using the situation to assert power? Adding subtle hints about his motivations could deepen the audience's understanding of the dynamics at play.
  • Fleabag's internal conflict about her business and her identity as a woman in a male-dominated space is a strong theme, but it could be more explicitly tied to her actions in this scene. Exploring her feelings about the loan and the stakes involved could heighten the tension and make her accidental exposure feel more consequential.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment of reflection for Fleabag before the accidental exposure, where she contemplates the seriousness of the meeting and her hopes for the loan. This could create a stronger contrast with the ensuing chaos.
  • Introduce more subtlety in the man's character by giving him a line or two that hints at his discomfort or condescension towards Fleabag, which would make his reaction to her exposure more layered.
  • Revise the ending exchange of insults to feel more natural. Perhaps they could both express frustration in a way that reflects their characters without resorting to name-calling, which could enhance the emotional resonance of the scene.
  • Explore Fleabag's feelings about her business more deeply in her dialogue. For example, she could express her passion for the cafe or her fears about failing, which would make her accidental exposure feel like a larger metaphor for her struggles.
  • Consider using Fleabag's fourth-wall-breaking narration to provide insight into her thoughts during the meeting, which could add depth to her character and help the audience connect with her emotional state.



Scene 5 -  Awkward Encounters on the Bus
6 INT. BUS. LATER. 6

Fleabag is sitting. Bored. She grabs a paper and looks at it.
We see a gratuitous picture of a half-naked women in an
advert for mortgages. Next to it there is an article which
reads: Has the word “feminism” become dirty? She raises her
eyebrows.
She looks up and catches the eye of a man who is looking at
her over his paper. She looks at the camera and raises her
eyebrows slightly. He pulls his paper down and reveals that
he has a REALLY tiny mouth with very large front teeth. Close
up of the mouth.
Fleabag subtly looks at the camera and does an impression of
his tiny mouth. She quickly looks down. She tries not to
smile and we can see she is trying to let her eyes flick to
us in amusement.
He looks down. She looks down. They both look up at the same
time. A couple of people are noticing. Smiling too. It’s all
eyes flicking and subtle grinning. Fleabag grimaces slightly.
Bus Rodent smiles at her. She smiles back. He smiles at her
again. She smiles back again. Someone presses the button.
They both stand up at the same time. They do a little awkward
laugh at each other. They stand next to each other.
BUS RODENT
(really giggly)
Wow... so this doesn’t happen very
often does it?
FLEABAG
(really giggly)
Nooo no... I suppose it’s quite
rare.
(to the camera)
I hate myself.
Bus Rodent smiles at Fleabag awkwardly for a second then -
BUS RODENT
Are you going to work?
FLEABAG
Well actually I -
BUS RODENT
Ok. This might sound a little crazy
but I think I should take your
number and I think I should call it
and ask you to go out for a drink
with me.
FLEABAG
Um... I -
Episode 1 SHOOTING SCRIPT 02.03.15 7.


BUS RODENT
Fuck me, you’ve got a boyfriend.
FLEABAG
No... we actually broke up quite
recently -
BUS RODENT
Oh no I’m so sorry slash really
pleased. How the hell did he fuck
that up?
FLEABAG
Uh...
Genres: ["Drama","Comedy"]

Summary Fleabag, feeling bored on a bus, notices an advertisement and shares a humorous moment with a man known as Bus Rodent, who has an unusual mouth. Their playful banter leads to a flirtatious exchange, where Bus Rodent awkwardly suggests they exchange numbers. Fleabag hesitates, revealing her recent breakup, which surprises Bus Rodent and prompts curiosity about her ex. The scene captures their budding connection amidst Fleabag's internal struggle with her feelings, ending on an open-ended note about her past relationship.
Strengths
  • Sharp dialogue
  • Humorous interactions
  • Insight into Fleabag's character
Weaknesses
  • Limited plot progression
  • Low stakes

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively captures the awkwardness and humor of a chance encounter, providing insight into Fleabag's character and setting up potential future plot developments.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a chance encounter on a bus leading to awkward and humorous interactions is unique and adds depth to Fleabag's character, setting the stage for potential future developments.

Plot: 7

While the scene does not significantly advance the main plot, it introduces a new character and potential storyline, adding layers to the overall narrative.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on a common social interaction, infusing it with humor and introspection. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and relatable.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The scene provides insight into Fleabag's personality through her interactions with the Bus Rodent, showcasing her wit, vulnerability, and ability to navigate awkward situations.

Character Changes: 5

While there is not significant character development in this scene, it provides a glimpse into Fleabag's ability to navigate awkward social interactions.

Internal Goal: 8

Fleabag's internal goal is to navigate the awkward social interaction with Bus Rodent while also dealing with her own self-doubt and insecurities.

External Goal: 7

Fleabag's external goal is to handle the unexpected proposition from Bus Rodent and decide how to respond.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 5

The conflict in the scene is primarily internal, focusing on Fleabag's discomfort and awkwardness in the situation.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene comes from the awkward social interaction between Fleabag and Bus Rodent, creating a small obstacle for Fleabag to navigate.

High Stakes: 4

The stakes in the scene are relatively low, focusing more on character dynamics and humor than on high-stakes conflict.

Story Forward: 6

The scene introduces a new character and potential storyline, adding depth to the overall narrative without significantly advancing the main plot.

Unpredictability: 7

The scene is unpredictable in the sense that the audience is unsure of how Fleabag will respond to Bus Rodent's proposition, adding tension and intrigue.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around societal expectations of relationships and gender roles, as well as Fleabag's own internal struggles with self-worth and confidence.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

The scene elicits a mix of emotions, including amusement, embarrassment, and empathy for Fleabag's predicament.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is sharp, witty, and reflective of the characters' personalities, enhancing the humor and awkwardness of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the witty dialogue, relatable characters, and the tension of the social interaction.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and humor, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the characters' interactions.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting adheres to industry standards and effectively conveys the visual and emotional elements of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with a buildup of tension and resolution, fitting the expected format for a character-driven comedy.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the awkwardness and humor of Fleabag's interactions, particularly through the physical comedy of her impression of Bus Rodent's mouth. This aligns well with the show's tone, which often blends humor with vulnerability.
  • The dialogue between Fleabag and Bus Rodent feels natural and relatable, showcasing their mutual awkwardness and the tension of a potential romantic connection. However, the pacing could be tightened to maintain the comedic rhythm, especially during the back-and-forth exchanges.
  • Fleabag's internal monologue, particularly her comment 'I hate myself,' adds depth to her character and highlights her self-deprecating humor. This moment could be expanded to further explore her feelings about dating and self-worth, enhancing the emotional stakes of the scene.
  • The visual elements, such as the close-up of Bus Rodent's mouth, are effective in establishing his character and creating a memorable moment. However, the scene could benefit from more varied visual descriptions to enhance the setting and the characters' body language, which would add layers to their interaction.
  • The transition from the previous scene to this one feels abrupt. A brief moment of reflection or a visual cue could help bridge the emotional shift from the distress of the meeting to the light-heartedness of the bus scene.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief internal monologue from Fleabag after Bus Rodent's initial compliment to deepen her character's emotional state and provide insight into her thoughts about dating.
  • Tighten the dialogue exchanges to maintain a quicker pace, ensuring that the humor lands effectively without dragging. This could involve cutting unnecessary filler words or phrases.
  • Incorporate more physical comedy or visual gags to enhance the humor of the scene. For example, Fleabag could fumble with her belongings as she tries to maintain her composure around Bus Rodent.
  • Explore the setting more vividly by describing the bus environment and other passengers' reactions to Fleabag and Bus Rodent's interaction, which could add to the comedic atmosphere.
  • Consider ending the scene with a stronger emotional beat or a humorous twist that leaves the audience wanting more, perhaps by having Fleabag reflect on the absurdity of the situation or her feelings about moving on from her breakup.



Scene 6 -  Democracy and Disconnection
7 INT. FLEABAG BEDROOM. NIGHT. FLASHBACK. 7

Fleabag is lying in bed with her computer in her lap and a
pizza. She takes a bite. She is working on a spread sheet.
She flicks over to her CV. She flicks over to BBC news
website. She clicks on a video of Obama giving a speech. She
goes very serious. She starts touching herself.
Suddenly a young man lurches into shot.
HARRY
What are you doing!?
She flips the laptop down quickly
FLEABAG
Nothing.
Beat. Harry gets up, opens the wardrobe, takes out a bag and
starts packing some things.
FLEABAG (CONT’D)
Baby..?
HARRY
I know what you were doing.
FLEABAG
I was watching the news!
HARRY
(genuine)
Really?
FLEABAG
Yes!
HARRY
(genuine)
Really?
Episode 1 SHOOTING SCRIPT 02.03.15 8.


FLEABAG
Yes!
HARRY
(vulnerable)
What was he talking about?
Beat
FLEABAG
What?
HARRY
(vulnerable)
Please. I need to hear this. What
was he talking about?
Long pause
FLEABAG
Iraq?
Hurt and furious Harry manically starts packing again.
FLEABAG (CONT’D)
Baby-
HARRY
Don’t say anything.
She doesn’t.
HARRY (CONT’D)
Please don’t stop me leaving.
She doesn’t move.
HARRY (CONT’D)
Please don’t.
FLEABAG
Ok.
HARRY
DON’T.
He pauses. Then picks up his stuff. He goes into the drawer
and empties all the condoms and her vibrator into his bag.
FLEABAG
Wow.
HARRY
I’ve really tried to be there for
you through this. You can’t say I
haven’t tried.
She nods.
Episode 1 SHOOTING SCRIPT 02.03.15 9.


HARRY (CONT’D)
Don’t say anything. And please
don’t contact me. Or turn up drunk
at my house in your underwear. It
won’t work this time.
FLEABAG
(to camera)
It will.
HARRY
(sadly)
I’m um... I’m taking the posh
shampoo.
(beat, angry)
He was talking about democracy.
Genres: ["Drama","Romance","Comedy"]

Summary In a tense flashback, Fleabag lies in bed with pizza and her laptop, watching a video of Obama when Harry unexpectedly enters, confronting her about their troubled relationship. As he packs his belongings, expressing hurt and frustration, Fleabag attempts to downplay the situation. Their painful exchange reveals deep emotional rifts, culminating in Harry's decision to leave, taking her condoms and vibrator with him. Fleabag insists to the camera that he will return, while Harry bitterly remarks on Obama's discussion of democracy, leaving her alone in her bedroom.
Strengths
  • Strong emotional impact
  • Authentic character interactions
  • Engaging plot progression
Weaknesses
  • Awkward moments may be off-putting for some viewers

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively conveys the emotional turmoil of the characters and keeps the audience engaged with its mix of tension, humor, and conflict.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring a relationship breakdown through a series of tense and emotional interactions is compelling and well-executed.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene is engaging and moves the story forward by revealing key aspects of the characters' relationships and motivations.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh take on relationship dynamics and features authentic dialogue that feels true to life.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed and their interactions feel authentic, adding depth to the scene and driving the emotional impact.

Character Changes: 8

The characters undergo significant emotional changes throughout the scene, particularly in their relationships and perceptions of each other.

Internal Goal: 8

Fleabag's internal goal is to maintain her facade of innocence and deflect Harry's accusations. This reflects her fear of vulnerability and rejection.

External Goal: 7

Fleabag's external goal is to prevent Harry from leaving her. This reflects her immediate challenge of dealing with the consequences of her actions.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The scene has a high level of conflict, both internal and external, which drives the emotional tension and character dynamics.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting desires and emotions driving the characters' actions.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are high in the scene as the characters confront the breakdown of their relationship and face the consequences of their actions.

Story Forward: 8

The scene effectively moves the story forward by revealing key aspects of the characters' relationships and motivations, setting up future conflicts and developments.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists in the characters' behavior and the shifting power dynamics.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict is evident in Fleabag's dishonesty and Harry's desire for honesty and transparency in their relationship. This challenges Fleabag's beliefs about relationships and communication.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a strong emotional impact on the audience, eliciting feelings of sadness, tension, and empathy for the characters.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue effectively conveys the characters' emotions and conflicts, adding depth to their interactions.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its emotional intensity and the high stakes of the characters' interactions.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene builds tension effectively, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the characters' emotional journey.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings and character actions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with well-defined character arcs and conflict resolution.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the tension between Fleabag and Harry, showcasing their complicated relationship. The juxtaposition of a mundane activity like eating pizza and working on a spreadsheet with a moment of intimacy and conflict is intriguing and relatable.
  • Fleabag's attempt to deflect the situation by claiming she was watching the news is humorous yet poignant, highlighting her tendency to avoid confrontation. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtlety; the repetition of 'Really?' from Harry feels slightly overemphasized and could be streamlined to maintain the scene's pacing.
  • The emotional stakes are high, particularly with Harry's vulnerability and Fleabag's defensive posture. However, the transition from humor to tension could be smoother. The shift from the comedic setup to the serious confrontation feels abrupt, which may disrupt the audience's emotional engagement.
  • Fleabag's direct address to the camera at the end is a strong moment, reinforcing her denial and hopefulness. However, it might be more impactful if this moment were preceded by a more intense emotional exchange, allowing the audience to feel the weight of the situation before she breaks the fourth wall.
  • The visual elements, such as Harry packing and the physicality of Fleabag's reactions, are effective in conveying the emotional turmoil. However, incorporating more sensory details (like the smell of pizza or the sound of the news) could enhance the scene's atmosphere and draw the audience deeper into the moment.
Suggestions
  • Consider tightening the dialogue between Fleabag and Harry to enhance the emotional impact. For example, instead of repeating 'Really?', Harry could express his disbelief in a more varied manner, which would keep the dialogue fresh and engaging.
  • Explore the use of subtext in their conversation. Instead of having Fleabag directly state 'I was watching the news!', she could use more evasive language that hints at her discomfort, allowing the audience to infer the tension.
  • Add more physicality to the scene. Fleabag could react more visibly to Harry's packing, perhaps by fidgeting with the pizza or her laptop, which would visually represent her anxiety and the stakes of the moment.
  • Consider extending the pause after Fleabag's 'Iraq?' to build tension. This could allow the audience to feel the weight of the moment before Harry's reaction, making his hurt and anger more impactful.
  • Enhance the final moment where Fleabag speaks to the camera. Perhaps she could briefly reflect on her feelings before asserting her belief that Harry will return, adding depth to her character's denial and hope.



Scene 7 -  Nostalgia Interrupted
8 INT. BUS. CONT. 8

FLEABAG
Oh he was just - he was really
supportive with my work, he’d cook
all the time, run baths, hoover,
laugh at my jokes, he was great
with my family and my friends loved
him.
(beat)
Plus he was really fucking
affectionate.
He laughs like she’s told a brilliant joke. Bus stops.
BUS RODENT
Sounds like a dickhead!
They both get off.
Genres: ["Drama","Comedy"]

Summary On a bus, Fleabag reminisces about a supportive and affectionate past partner, sharing joyful memories that highlight their connection. However, her moment of nostalgia is abruptly disrupted by Bus Rodent, who dismissively calls her partner a 'dickhead,' contrasting her fondness with his cynicism. The scene captures the emotional shift from warmth to sarcasm as they prepare to exit the bus, leaving Fleabag's reflections unresolved.
Strengths
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Authentic character interactions
  • Humorous moments
Weaknesses
  • Some awkward transitions between scenes

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively blends humor, awkwardness, and introspection to create a compelling and thought-provoking narrative that keeps the audience engaged.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring intimacy, relationships, and self-discovery through unexpected encounters is unique and engaging. It adds depth to the narrative and allows for meaningful character development.

Plot: 7

The plot of the scene is driven by the series of encounters that challenge Fleabag's perceptions and emotions, leading to moments of humor, reflection, and conflict. It effectively sets up future developments in the story.

Originality: 8

The scene offers a fresh perspective on relationships and personal dynamics, presenting a nuanced portrayal of human emotions and interactions. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and relatable.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-developed and exhibit a range of emotions and motivations that add complexity to the scene. Their interactions feel authentic and contribute to the overall narrative.

Character Changes: 7

Fleabag undergoes subtle changes in her perceptions and emotions throughout the scene, particularly in her interactions with different characters and the unexpected situations she finds herself in.

Internal Goal: 8

{"What is the protagonist's internal goal in this scene? How does it reflect their deeper needs, fears, or desires?":"Fleabag's internal goal in this scene is to express her feelings about her past relationship and seek validation or understanding from the Bus Rodent. This reflects her need for emotional connection and support, as well as her desire to be heard and acknowledged."}

External Goal: 6

Fleabag's external goal in this scene is to share her experience with the Bus Rodent and possibly gain a new perspective or insight. It reflects her immediate challenge of processing her emotions and seeking closure.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

The scene contains moments of internal and external conflict, primarily driven by the characters' emotions, desires, and misunderstandings. These conflicts add depth and tension to the narrative.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create conflict and tension, keeping the audience engaged and uncertain about the outcome of the interaction between Fleabag and the Bus Rodent.

High Stakes: 5

While the stakes are not extremely high in this scene, the emotional and relational consequences of the encounters have significant implications for Fleabag's character growth and the overall narrative.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by introducing new conflicts, relationships, and emotional dynamics that will impact future events and character development. It sets the stage for further exploration of the themes introduced.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twist in the Bus Rodent's response to Fleabag's story, challenging the audience's expectations and adding depth to the narrative.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

There is a subtle philosophical conflict between Fleabag's positive memories of her ex-partner and the Bus Rodent's dismissive comment. This challenges Fleabag's beliefs about her past relationship and forces her to reconsider her perspective.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from humor and awkwardness to introspection and curiosity, creating a compelling and emotionally resonant experience for the audience.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is witty, humorous, and reflective, capturing the essence of each character and driving the scene forward. It effectively conveys the emotions and conflicts present in the interactions.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the witty dialogue, relatable characters, and emotional depth. The interactions between Fleabag and the Bus Rodent create a sense of tension and intrigue.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a natural flow of dialogue and action that maintains the audience's interest and builds tension effectively.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and concise, following the expected format for its genre. The dialogue is well-paced and engaging, enhancing the overall impact of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the effectiveness of the scene.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures Fleabag's nostalgia and affection for her past partner, which contrasts sharply with Bus Rodent's dismissive comment. This juxtaposition highlights Fleabag's vulnerability and the complexity of her feelings, but it could benefit from deeper exploration of her emotional state.
  • The dialogue is snappy and humorous, particularly in Fleabag's initial description of her partner. However, the punchline delivered by Bus Rodent feels somewhat abrupt and could be perceived as undermining the emotional weight of Fleabag's reflection. This could lead to a tonal dissonance that may confuse the audience about how to feel in this moment.
  • The scene lacks a clear visual or physical action that could enhance the emotional impact. While the dialogue is engaging, adding a visual element—such as Fleabag's body language or facial expressions—could provide more depth to her feelings and the contrast with Bus Rodent's reaction.
  • The pacing of the scene feels rushed, particularly with the transition from Fleabag's fond memories to Bus Rodent's comment. A longer beat after Fleabag's reflection could allow the audience to absorb her feelings before the punchline lands, creating a more impactful moment.
  • The scene could benefit from a stronger sense of setting or context. While it takes place on a bus, there are no specific details that ground the audience in this environment. Adding sensory details or interactions with other passengers could enhance the scene's atmosphere.
Suggestions
  • Consider extending Fleabag's reflection with a few more lines that delve into her feelings about the relationship, perhaps touching on why it ended or what she misses most. This would create a more poignant contrast with Bus Rodent's comment.
  • Rework Bus Rodent's line to maintain humor while also acknowledging the emotional weight of Fleabag's words. For example, he could make a light-hearted joke that still shows he understands her feelings, which would keep the tone balanced.
  • Incorporate more physicality into the scene. For instance, Fleabag could gesture or show a wistful expression as she talks about her partner, which would visually convey her emotional state and enhance the audience's connection to her.
  • Add a moment of silence or a pause after Fleabag's reflection before Bus Rodent speaks. This would allow the audience to feel the weight of her words before the humor interrupts, creating a more impactful transition.
  • Enhance the bus setting by including background noise or interactions with other passengers that reflect the mood of the scene. This could help ground the audience in the moment and provide a richer context for Fleabag's thoughts.



Scene 8 -  Flirtation and Disappointment
8A EXT. STREET. CONT. 8A

BUS RODENT
So um... is that a... ‘Yes, you can
have my number?’
FLEABAG
Um yes! I guess, yes. That’s a yes.
BUS RODENT
Oh my god. Great!
(gives her his phone, she
types her number in)
I’ll be sure to treat you like a
nasty little bitch.
He winks at her. She looks at us with raised eyebrows. She
hands the phone back
Episode 1 SHOOTING SCRIPT 02.03.15 10.


BUS RODENT (CONT’D)
That was a joke, by the way.
FLEABAG
Oh, I know!
She looks at us. Visibly disappointed. She looks back at him.
BUS RODENT
Wow! Ok. Cool. I’ll buzz you then.
(he jogs off, grinning)
Can’t stop smiling!
Genres: ["Drama","Romance","Comedy"]

Summary After getting off the bus, Bus Rodent and Fleabag engage in a flirtatious exchange where he asks for her number. Although she hesitantly agrees, his crude joke about treating her poorly leads to her disappointment. Despite the awkwardness, they exchange numbers, and Bus Rodent leaves excitedly, unaware of Fleabag's mixed feelings.
Strengths
  • Witty dialogue
  • Authentic character interactions
  • Engaging concept
Weaknesses
  • Lack of significant plot progression
  • Some execution could be improved

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 7

The scene effectively captures the awkward and flirtatious tone, but some elements could be improved for better execution.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of awkward flirtation is unique and engaging, providing a fresh perspective on social interactions.

Plot: 6

The plot progression in this scene is minimal but serves to introduce a new character and add a layer of complexity to Fleabag's relationships.

Originality: 8

The scene offers a fresh approach to a common romantic trope, showcasing authentic character interactions and dialogue that feel genuine and relatable. The humor and banter add a unique twist to the familiar scenario.


Character Development

Characters: 7

The characters are well-defined, with distinct personalities that drive the awkward dynamics of the scene.

Character Changes: 4

There is minimal character change in this scene, as it primarily serves to introduce a new dynamic between Fleabag and Bus Rodent.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to navigate a flirtatious encounter with the other character while maintaining her composure and sense of humor. This reflects her desire for connection and validation, as well as her fear of rejection or embarrassment.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to exchange phone numbers with the other character, reflecting her immediate desire for potential romantic interest or connection.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 5

The conflict in this scene is primarily internal, focusing on Fleabag's discomfort and disappointment in the interaction.

Opposition: 6

The opposition in the scene is moderate, with the characters navigating a playful dynamic that adds tension and uncertainty to their exchange.

High Stakes: 3

The stakes in this scene are relatively low, focusing more on social dynamics and awkward humor.

Story Forward: 5

The scene moves the story forward by introducing a new character and setting up potential future interactions.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected humor and playful twists in the characters' dialogue and actions.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the balance between playful banter and genuine connection. The protagonist's beliefs and values are challenged by the other character's flirtatious behavior, forcing her to navigate the line between humor and sincerity.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

The scene elicits a mix of emotions, from awkwardness to disappointment, resonating with the audience.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is witty and humorous, capturing the essence of awkward flirtation between Fleabag and Bus Rodent.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the witty banter, subtle tension, and relatable character dynamics that draw the audience into the interaction.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by maintaining a lively and engaging rhythm that keeps the audience invested in the characters' interaction.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene adheres to the expected format for its genre, with clear dialogue attribution and scene direction.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for a dialogue-driven interaction in a romantic comedy genre, with clear character motivations and progression.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the awkwardness and humor that Fleabag is known for, particularly in her interactions with Bus Rodent. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtext to deepen the emotional stakes. While the humor is present, the disappointment Fleabag feels could be more pronounced, allowing the audience to connect with her on a deeper level.
  • Bus Rodent's line about treating Fleabag like a 'nasty little bitch' is intended to be humorous, but it risks coming off as off-putting or disrespectful. This could alienate the audience from Bus Rodent, making it harder for them to root for his character. A more playful or charming line could maintain the humor without crossing into uncomfortable territory.
  • Fleabag's reaction to Bus Rodent's comment is a key moment in the scene. While she raises her eyebrows and looks at the camera, this could be expanded to include a more visceral reaction, such as a sigh or a sarcastic retort, to emphasize her disappointment and the disconnect between her expectations and reality.
  • The pacing of the scene feels slightly rushed. The transition from the number exchange to Bus Rodent's exit could be slowed down to allow for more comedic timing and to let Fleabag's disappointment linger a bit longer. This would enhance the emotional impact of the moment.
  • The visual elements could be enhanced to reflect Fleabag's internal state. For example, a close-up shot of her face after Bus Rodent's comment could capture her disappointment more effectively, allowing the audience to empathize with her feelings.
Suggestions
  • Consider revising Bus Rodent's line about treating Fleabag like a 'nasty little bitch' to something that maintains the humor but feels less aggressive, such as a playful tease that aligns more with Fleabag's character.
  • Add a moment of silence or a pause after Bus Rodent's comment to allow Fleabag's disappointment to resonate with the audience before he jogs off. This could create a more impactful emotional beat.
  • Incorporate a physical reaction from Fleabag, such as a roll of her eyes or a sarcastic comment, to better convey her feelings about Bus Rodent's joke and to enhance her character's voice.
  • Explore the use of visual storytelling by including a close-up shot of Fleabag's face after the exchange, capturing her disappointment and allowing the audience to connect with her emotional state.
  • Consider adding a brief moment where Fleabag reflects on her feelings about the interaction, either through a direct address to the camera or a voiceover, to provide insight into her internal conflict and enhance the scene's depth.



Scene 9 -  Sisters in Contrast
9 INT. STEPS. LECTURE HALL. CONT. 9

Fleabag runs up the stairs. There is a sign that reads:
“TODAY’S LECTURE: “WOMEN SPEAK”.

9A INT. CORRIDOR. CONT. 9A

Fleabag enters the sparsely full corridor and walks towards a
serious, well dressed woman standing, reading a kindle.
FLEABAG
(to camera)
My sister. She’s uptight and
beautiful and probably anorexic,
but clothes look awesome on her
so...
She reaches Claire who puts her kindle away
CLAIRE
You’re almost late.
FLEABAG
I had to do a flash poo in pret.
CLAIRE
Ugh christ, did you wash your
hands?
FLEABAG
(wiping her hand on
Claire’s face)
Course not.
CLAIRE
Oh my GOD. You are DISGUSTING.
Fucking hell.
She takes a antibacterial gel out of her bag. They walk.
FLEABAG
(to the camera)
Mum died two years ago.
(MORE)
Episode 1 SHOOTING SCRIPT 02.03.15 11.
FLEABAG (CONT'D)
She had a double mastectomy, and
never really recovered. It was
particularly hard because she had
amazing boobs. My sister’s got
whoppers. I mean - just look at
them - But she got all of Mum’s
good bits.
Genres: ["Comedy","Drama"]

Summary Fleabag rushes to a lecture hall on 'Women Speak' and encounters her sister Claire, leading to a humorous exchange where Fleabag jokingly wipes her hand on Claire's face, prompting Claire's disgust. As Claire uses antibacterial gel, Fleabag reflects on their mother's death two years prior, contrasting their physical traits and highlighting the tension between her carefree attitude and Claire's serious demeanor.
Strengths
  • Humorous dialogue
  • Complex character relationships
  • Reflective moments
Weaknesses
  • Awkward interactions
  • Lack of major plot progression

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively balances humor, reflection, and discomfort, providing depth to the characters and advancing the plot.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring family relationships, personal struggles, and humor in everyday situations is well-developed and engaging.

Plot: 7

The plot progresses by introducing conflicts and relationships that will likely impact future events in the story.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces fresh and unconventional approaches to themes of grief, family dynamics, and personal relationships. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and relatable, adding a layer of originality to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-defined, with distinct personalities and relationships that drive the scene forward.

Character Changes: 6

While there are subtle shifts in the characters' dynamics, significant changes are yet to occur in this scene.

Internal Goal: 8

Fleabag's internal goal is to cope with the loss of her mother and navigate her complicated relationship with her sister, Claire. This reflects her deeper need for connection, acceptance, and understanding.

External Goal: 7

Fleabag's external goal is to attend the lecture on time and interact with her sister, Claire, despite their strained relationship. This reflects the immediate challenge of balancing personal issues with daily responsibilities.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

The conflict is primarily internal and relational, setting up future tensions and dynamics between the characters.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting personalities and emotions driving the interactions between Fleabag and Claire. The audience is left uncertain about the outcome of their relationship.

High Stakes: 5

The stakes are relatively low in this scene, focusing more on character dynamics and relationships than major plot developments.

Story Forward: 7

The scene introduces new conflicts and relationships that will likely impact the future direction of the story.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected humor and emotional revelations that subvert audience expectations. The characters' actions and reactions add a layer of unpredictability to the narrative.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the themes of family, loss, and identity. Fleabag's irreverent attitude towards her mother's death contrasts with Claire's more serious demeanor, highlighting different coping mechanisms and perspectives on grief.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from humor to reflection, creating a compelling and engaging experience for the audience.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is witty, reflective, and reveals important information about the characters and their relationships.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its mix of humor, drama, and character dynamics. The witty dialogue and emotional depth keep the audience invested in the story and characters.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, balancing moments of humor, drama, and introspection. The rhythm of the dialogue and character interactions contributes to the scene's effectiveness.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene's formatting is consistent and easy to follow, with proper scene headings, character cues, and dialogue formatting. It aligns with the expected format for its genre, enhancing readability.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a coherent structure with clear transitions between locations and character interactions. It adheres to the expected format for its genre, maintaining a smooth flow of events.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes the contrasting personalities of Fleabag and Claire, showcasing Fleabag's irreverent humor against Claire's seriousness. This dynamic is engaging and sets the tone for their relationship.
  • Fleabag's direct address to the camera provides insight into her character and adds a layer of intimacy with the audience. However, the transition from the humorous interaction with Claire to the more serious reflection on their mother's death feels abrupt. A smoother transition could enhance the emotional impact.
  • The humor in Fleabag's actions, such as wiping her hand on Claire's face, is consistent with her character's playful and rebellious nature. However, it may come off as too juvenile or off-putting for some viewers, potentially overshadowing the deeper themes of loss and familial relationships that follow.
  • The mention of their mother's death and the contrast between her physical attributes and Claire's is poignant, but it could benefit from more depth. Fleabag's reflection feels somewhat superficial; exploring her emotional state regarding their mother's death could create a stronger connection with the audience.
  • The pacing of the scene is generally good, but the dialogue could be tightened. Some lines, like 'I mean - just look at them - But she got all of Mum’s good bits,' could be more concise to maintain the flow and keep the audience engaged.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment of silence or a visual cue after the humorous exchange to allow the audience to absorb the gravity of Fleabag's reflection on her mother's death before moving on.
  • Explore Fleabag's emotional response to her mother's death more deeply. Perhaps include a memory or a specific moment that highlights her feelings, which could add depth to her character and the scene.
  • Tighten the dialogue by removing any unnecessary filler words or phrases. For example, streamline Fleabag's comment about Claire's physical attributes to make it more impactful.
  • Introduce a visual element that symbolizes their mother's absence, such as a family photo or a piece of jewelry, to enhance the emotional weight of the scene.
  • Consider having Claire respond to Fleabag's reflection on their mother in a way that reveals her own feelings, creating a more dynamic interaction that showcases their differing coping mechanisms.



Scene 10 -  Unspoken Struggles
10 INT. LECTURE THEATRE. CONT. 10

Claire and Fleabag enter and look for seats amongst the
gradually filling lecture theatre.
CLAIRE
Heard from Dad?
FLEABAG
No.
(to camera)
Dad’s way of coping with two
motherless daughters was to buy us
tickets to feminist lectures, start
fucking our Godmother and
eventually stop calling.
(to Claire)
You look tired.
CLAIRE
Thanks. I’ve been sleeping really
well recently.
They sit. Fleabag is taking her coat off. Claire eyes her
top.
FLEABAG
Shit.
(pulls the coat back on)
I’m wearing the top that she “lost”
years ago. Shit.
CLAIRE
Do you wanna take your coat off?
FLEABAG
Nope.
CLAIRE
Ok.
Beat. Someone squeezes through the row. They’re all really
polite. They sit back down.
CLAIRE (CONT’D)
So any luck with -
FLEABAG
Oh GOD, can we just relax / for
Episode 1 SHOOTING SCRIPT 02.03.15 12.


CLAIRE
I WAS GOING TO ASK HOW IT WAS GOING
WITH THE CAFE?!
FLEABAG
I KNOW I JUST DON’T WANT TO TALK
ABOUT IT YET.
CLAIRE
FINE. WE WONT TALK THEN.
FLEABAG
FINE.
Beat.
FLEABAG (CONT’D)
Hair looks nice.
CLAIRE
Fuck off.
Beat. Claire reads her kindle. Fleabag stares at her.
FLEABAG
(to camera)
The only thing harder than telling
your super-high-powered-rich-
anorexic-super-sister you have run
out of money is having to ask her
to bail you out.
(beat she looks at Claire)
I’m just going to ask her.
(beat)
I’m just going to ask her.
(beat)
I’m just gonna as-
CLAIRE
Do you need to borrow money?
FLEABAG
(petulant)
NO.
(to camera)
Can’t do it. Can’t do it.
CLAIRE
So business is good then?
FLEABAG
(petulant)
Yes. Really good. Really really
good. It’s really good.
CLAIRE
Sounds like it’s really good.
Episode 1 SHOOTING SCRIPT 02.03.15 13.


FLEABAG
It is.
Genres: ["Drama","Comedy"]

Summary In a crowded lecture theatre, sisters Claire and Fleabag navigate their complex relationship as they discuss their emotionally distant father and the impact of their mother's death. Fleabag, wearing a top from their godmother, avoids discussing her struggling cafe business, leading to a tense exchange with Claire, who is skeptical of Fleabag's insistence that everything is fine. The scene captures the blend of humor and tension in their interactions, highlighting the unresolved conflict surrounding Fleabag's financial troubles.
Strengths
  • Strong character development
  • Effective dialogue
  • Compelling themes
Weaknesses
  • Some moments of petulance and sarcasm may be off-putting to some viewers

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively establishes the complex dynamic between the two sisters, introduces conflict and tension, and sets up potential storylines related to financial struggles and family relationships.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring the relationship between two sisters, their financial struggles, and the impact of loss is compelling and sets up interesting storylines for future development.

Plot: 7

The plot of the scene focuses on the strained relationship between the sisters and hints at future conflicts related to financial struggles. It moves the story forward by establishing key character dynamics and conflicts.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh take on sibling dynamics and financial struggles, with authentic and relatable dialogue.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters of Claire and Fleabag are well-developed, with distinct personalities and motivations. Their interactions reveal underlying tensions and set up potential character arcs related to their financial struggles and family dynamics.

Character Changes: 7

The scene hints at potential character changes for both Claire and Fleabag, setting up future character arcs related to their financial struggles and family dynamics.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to ask her sister for money, reflecting her fear of failure and dependence on others.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to maintain a facade of success in front of her sister, reflecting her desire to appear independent and capable.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The scene establishes a moderate level of conflict between the sisters, hinting at future conflicts related to their financial struggles and family dynamics.

Opposition: 7

The opposition between the characters adds conflict and drama to the scene, creating uncertainty and tension.

High Stakes: 6

The stakes in the scene are moderate, focusing on the financial struggles and strained relationship between the sisters. However, the potential for future conflicts and character development raises the stakes for future episodes.

Story Forward: 8

The scene effectively moves the story forward by establishing key character dynamics, conflicts, and themes that will likely be explored in future episodes.

Unpredictability: 7

The scene is unpredictable in terms of the characters' interactions and the outcome of their conversation.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict is between the protagonist's need for financial help and her pride in appearing self-sufficient.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene has a moderate emotional impact, conveying the underlying tensions and emotions of the characters effectively.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the characters' emotions, motivations, and the underlying tension between the sisters. It sets up future conflicts and storylines related to their financial struggles.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its witty dialogue, tension between the characters, and underlying emotional conflicts.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged in the characters' interactions.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows standard formatting for a screenplay, with clear scene descriptions and character actions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a traditional structure for a dialogue-driven scene, with clear character motivations and conflicts.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the tension between Fleabag and Claire, showcasing their contrasting personalities and the underlying issues in their relationship. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtext to deepen the emotional stakes. While the humor is present, the stakes of Fleabag's financial struggles and her reluctance to ask for help could be more pronounced to enhance the audience's investment in her plight.
  • Fleabag's fourth-wall breaks are a strong element of the script, but in this scene, they feel slightly repetitive. The internal conflict about asking Claire for money is clear, but the pacing could be improved by varying the rhythm of her thoughts. Instead of repeating 'I'm just going to ask her,' consider using different phrasing or imagery to convey her anxiety and hesitation more vividly.
  • The physicality of the scene, such as Fleabag pulling her coat back on, is a nice touch that adds to the visual storytelling. However, the moment could be expanded to include more physical comedy or reactions from Claire that highlight the awkwardness of the situation. This would enhance the comedic elements while also emphasizing the emotional weight of the conversation.
  • The dialogue exchange about Claire's appearance and Fleabag's comment on her hair feels a bit forced. While it serves to lighten the mood, it could be more organic. Consider integrating more natural banter that reflects their history and the complexity of their relationship, rather than relying on surface-level compliments.
  • The scene ends on a somewhat unresolved note, which is effective in maintaining tension. However, it might benefit from a stronger emotional beat or a moment of vulnerability from Fleabag that hints at her deeper struggles. This could create a more poignant contrast to the humor and set up the stakes for future scenes.
Suggestions
  • Introduce more subtext in the dialogue to convey the emotional stakes of Fleabag's financial struggles and her relationship with Claire. This could involve more nuanced exchanges that hint at their shared history and unresolved issues.
  • Vary the phrasing in Fleabag's internal monologue to avoid repetition and enhance the emotional impact of her anxiety about asking for help. Use different imagery or metaphors to illustrate her feelings.
  • Incorporate more physical comedy or reactions from Claire to emphasize the awkwardness of the situation. This could involve Claire's body language or facial expressions that reflect her discomfort or concern.
  • Make the dialogue about Claire's appearance feel more organic by integrating it into the flow of their conversation. Consider using humor that reflects their shared experiences rather than surface-level compliments.
  • Add a moment of vulnerability for Fleabag at the end of the scene to deepen the emotional resonance. This could be a brief reflection on her struggles or a subtle indication of her desire for support, setting up the stakes for future interactions.



Scene 11 -  Café Conundrum
11 INT. CAFE. FLASH BACK. 11

Fleabag is at the counter. A man walks in.
FLEABAG
Hey.
YOUNG MAN
Hey.
He goes to sit down.
FLEABAG
Can I get you anything?
YOUNG MAN
No thanks. I’m good.
He sits down. Beat. He then plugs in his computer. Fleabag
frowns. He then plugs in his phone. He then thinks, unplugs
his phone. Plugs in a multi-plug, plugs in his phone again.
He then plugs in his kindle.
FLEABAG
Um - you sure I can’t get you
anything.
YOUNG MAN
Oh sorry. Course. I’ll have a...
tap water please.
Fleabag begrudgingly gets a guineapig shaped cup out of the
cupboard. YOUNG MAN looks at all the pictures.
YOUNG MAN (CONT’D)
What’s with all the guinepigs?
Genres: ["Drama","Comedy"]

Summary In a flashback scene at a café, Fleabag serves a young man who initially hesitates before ordering only tap water. As he sets up multiple devices, Fleabag's annoyance grows, particularly at his indecisiveness and excessive tech setup. Their interaction is marked by awkward humor, culminating in the young man's curiosity about the café's guinea pig pictures, leaving their conversation unresolved.
Strengths
  • Humorous dialogue
  • Insightful character development
  • Engaging social dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Limited plot progression
  • Low stakes

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 7

The scene effectively combines humor, awkwardness, and reflection to create an engaging and memorable moment in Fleabag's life.


Story Content

Concept: 7

The concept of exploring social interactions and miscommunications in a cafe setting is well-executed, providing insight into Fleabag's character and her struggles with communication.

Plot: 6

While the plot of the scene is relatively simple, focusing on a brief encounter in a cafe, it serves to further develop Fleabag's character and provide context for her social interactions.

Originality: 8

The scene is original in its portrayal of a mundane interaction in a cafe, adding humor and depth through the characters' actions and dialogue. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue enhances the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters in the scene, particularly Fleabag and the Young Man, are well-defined and engaging, with distinct personalities and motivations that drive the interaction.

Character Changes: 5

While there is not significant character development in this scene, it provides insight into Fleabag's social struggles and her interactions with others.

Internal Goal: 8

Fleabag's internal goal in this scene is to engage with the young man and potentially make a connection. This reflects her deeper need for human connection and validation.

External Goal: 7

Fleabag's external goal is to serve the young man and make him feel comfortable in the cafe. This reflects the immediate circumstances of her job as a cafe worker.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 5

The conflict in the scene is primarily internal, focusing on Fleabag's struggle with communication and social interactions.

Opposition: 6

The opposition in the scene is moderate, with the young man's aloof attitude providing a small obstacle for Fleabag to overcome.

High Stakes: 4

The stakes in the scene are relatively low, focusing on a brief and awkward social encounter in a cafe.

Story Forward: 5

The scene does not significantly move the main plot forward but adds depth to Fleabag's character and relationships.

Unpredictability: 6

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected actions and reactions of the characters, adding a layer of surprise to the interaction.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

There is a philosophical conflict between Fleabag's casual and friendly demeanor and the young man's slightly aloof attitude. This challenges Fleabag's belief in the importance of making connections with others.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

The scene elicits a range of emotions, from humor to discomfort to curiosity, making it emotionally engaging for the audience.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue in the scene is witty, humorous, and reflective, capturing the essence of Fleabag's character and the awkwardness of the situation.

Engagement: 8

This scene is engaging because of the witty dialogue and humorous interactions between Fleabag and the young man.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and humor, with a good balance of dialogue and action.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with proper scene headings and clear dialogue formatting.

Structure: 9

The scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene direction and dialogue that advances the plot and develops the characters.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures Fleabag's character through her interactions with the young man, showcasing her quirky and somewhat frustrated demeanor. However, the dialogue feels a bit flat and could benefit from more subtext or humor to enhance the dynamic between the characters.
  • The young man's actions of plugging in multiple devices create a visual gag, but it lacks a strong payoff. While it establishes a sense of annoyance for Fleabag, the scene could explore this tension further, perhaps by having Fleabag comment on his behavior in a more humorous or sarcastic way.
  • The introduction of the guinea pig-themed cup is a nice touch that ties back to the cafe's theme, but it feels somewhat disconnected from the rest of the scene. It would be more impactful if Fleabag had a witty or self-deprecating remark about the cup that reflects her feelings about her cafe's struggles.
  • The pacing of the scene is a bit slow, particularly during the young man's plugging in of devices. This could be tightened up to maintain audience engagement, perhaps by interspersing Fleabag's internal thoughts or reactions to his actions.
  • The scene lacks a strong emotional arc or conflict. While there is a hint of annoyance from Fleabag, it doesn't escalate into anything significant. Adding a moment of tension or a more pronounced reaction from Fleabag could elevate the stakes and make the scene more memorable.
Suggestions
  • Incorporate more witty banter between Fleabag and the young man to create a more engaging dialogue. This could involve Fleabag making sarcastic comments about his excessive need for charging devices.
  • Consider adding a moment where Fleabag reflects on her cafe's struggles while interacting with the young man, perhaps revealing her frustrations in a humorous way that connects to the guinea pig theme.
  • Tighten the pacing by cutting down on the repetitive actions of the young man plugging in devices. Instead, focus on Fleabag's reactions and thoughts during this process to keep the audience engaged.
  • Introduce a small conflict or tension in the scene, such as Fleabag feeling overshadowed by the young man's tech-savvy nature, leading to a humorous exchange that highlights her insecurities.
  • End the scene with a stronger hook or emotional beat, perhaps by having Fleabag express a moment of vulnerability or frustration about her cafe, leaving the audience wanting to know more about her journey.



Scene 12 -  Fleabag's Financial Fiasco
11A INT. LECTURE HALL. CONT 11A

Claire is reading.
Episode 1 SHOOTING SCRIPT 02.03.15 14.


FLEABAG
(to camera)
I run a guineapig themed cafe, but
it’s out of cash and it’s going to
close unless a cheque falls out of
the sky or a banker comes on my
arse, but neither are going to
happen and I don’t want to justify
the banker man with a proper
mention so I’m not going to talk
about him or how I do sometimes
wish I could admit to not having
morals and let him come on my arse
for ten thousand pounds but
apparently we’re not supposed to do
that. So I won’t. Even though I
could.

11B INT. CAFE. FLASHBACK. CONT. 11B

Fleabag turns to the YOUNG MAN
FLEABAG
It’s a long story... my- it’s -
(she hesitiates)
It’s just a theme. A quirky,
pretentious theme. Y’know. Gets the
punters in.
Shot of the cafe. Painfully empty. Man smiles gently.
Genres: ["Drama","Comedy"]

Summary In this scene, Fleabag candidly shares her frustrations about her struggling guinea pig-themed cafe, which is on the brink of closure due to financial issues. She grapples with the moral dilemma of seeking help from a banker while reflecting on her cafe's quirky charm during a flashback conversation with a sympathetic young man. The tone blends humor and melancholy, highlighting her internal conflict and the desolate state of her business.
Strengths
  • Sharp dialogue
  • Emotional depth
  • Humorous moments
Weaknesses
  • Awkward interactions
  • Lack of clear resolution in some character dynamics

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively balances humor and emotion, providing insight into Fleabag's character while moving the story forward.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of blending humor with emotional reflection in quirky encounters is well-executed, providing a unique and engaging perspective on Fleabag's character.

Plot: 7

The plot progresses through Fleabag's interactions with various characters, revealing her inner struggles and past experiences, adding depth to the narrative.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh and quirky concept of a guineapig themed cafe, blending it with themes of financial struggle and moral ambiguity. The authenticity of the protagonist's actions and dialogue adds to the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-developed, with distinct personalities and motivations that drive the interactions and add layers to the scene.

Character Changes: 7

Fleabag undergoes some emotional growth and self-reflection throughout the scene, particularly in her interactions with various characters and her inner monologue.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to navigate her moral boundaries and financial struggles. She grapples with the idea of compromising her values for money, showcasing her deeper fears and desires for financial stability.

External Goal: 7.5

The protagonist's external goal is to save her failing guineapig themed cafe from closure. This reflects the immediate challenge she is facing in the scene.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

There is a moderate level of conflict in the scene, primarily stemming from Fleabag's internal struggles and awkward interactions with other characters.

Opposition: 7.5

The opposition in the scene, represented by the protagonist's moral dilemma and financial challenges, adds complexity and uncertainty to the narrative.

High Stakes: 5

The stakes are relatively low in this scene, focusing more on character development and emotional exploration rather than high-stakes conflict.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by deepening the audience's understanding of Fleabag's character, her past relationships, and her current struggles.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable in terms of the protagonist's moral dilemma and the uncertain outcome of her financial struggles.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the protagonist's moral dilemma of compromising her values for financial gain. It challenges her beliefs about integrity and the lengths she is willing to go to save her business.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene has a high emotional impact, delving into Fleabag's complex emotions and past experiences, eliciting empathy and connection from the audience.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is sharp, witty, and emotionally resonant, capturing the essence of each character and driving the scene forward.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to the protagonist's relatable struggles, witty dialogue, and the blend of humor and darker themes.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and highlights the protagonist's internal struggles, contributing to its overall effectiveness.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene adheres to the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, effectively setting up the protagonist's internal and external goals while introducing the philosophical conflict.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures Fleabag's internal conflict regarding her struggling cafe and her moral dilemmas about seeking financial help. However, the transition between the present and the flashback could be smoother. The abrupt shift might confuse the audience, as it lacks a clear visual or narrative cue to indicate the change in time and setting.
  • Fleabag's voiceover is humorous and relatable, but it could benefit from more specificity regarding her feelings about the banker. While she expresses a desire for financial support, elaborating on her emotional state or past experiences with the banker could deepen the audience's understanding of her reluctance.
  • The dialogue in the flashback feels somewhat disconnected from the voiceover. While Fleabag's explanation of the cafe's theme is amusing, it doesn't fully convey her desperation or the stakes involved. Adding a line that reflects her anxiety about the cafe's future could enhance the tension.
  • The visual description of the cafe being 'painfully empty' is effective, but it could be strengthened by showing more of Fleabag's reactions to the emptiness. For instance, a close-up of her face could illustrate her disappointment or frustration, making the emotional weight of the scene more palpable.
  • The humor in Fleabag's monologue is strong, but it risks overshadowing the seriousness of her situation. Balancing the comedic elements with moments of vulnerability could create a more nuanced portrayal of her character and her struggles.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a visual cue or a line of dialogue that clearly indicates the transition from the lecture hall to the cafe flashback, helping the audience follow the narrative flow.
  • Incorporate more specific details about Fleabag's feelings towards the banker and her financial situation to create a deeper emotional connection with the audience.
  • Enhance the dialogue in the flashback to reflect Fleabag's anxiety about her cafe's future, perhaps by including a line that hints at her fear of failure or her desperation for success.
  • Include a close-up shot of Fleabag's face in the flashback to capture her emotional response to the empty cafe, emphasizing her disappointment and the stakes of her situation.
  • Aim for a balance between humor and vulnerability in Fleabag's monologue, allowing moments of seriousness to shine through the comedic elements to create a more layered character portrayal.



Scene 13 -  Sandwiches and Secrets
12 INT. LECTURE THEATRE. 12

Fleabag is eating a sandwich. Claire is not.
CLAIRE
Is Harry helping?
FLEABAG
We broke up.
CLAIRE
What?! Again?
FLEABAG
If you see him, I’m a wreck ok.
CLAIRE
God. Just don’t get drunk and
scream through his letter box
again.
FLEABAG
Thanks for the vote of confidence.
Don’t get drunk and shit in your
sink again.
Episode 1 SHOOTING SCRIPT 02.03.15 15.


CLAIRE
(flipping out)
When are you going to stop bringing
that up?
FLEABAG
When you do something better.
CLAIRE
I have two degrees, a husband and
burberry coat.
FLEABAG
You shat in a sink. Nothing is ever
going to be good enough.
Someone squeezes past. They’re really polite again. They sit.
FLEABAG (CONT’D)
I swear there are pants that give
you thrush.
CLAIRE
Where are they from?
FLEABAG
(checks, then is thrown)
Dunno.
CLAIRE
(sees them)
There you go. You shouldn’t wear
such cheap materials. They don’t
let your fanny breathe.
FLEABAG
I know.
Genres: ["Comedy","Drama"]

Summary In a lecture theatre, Fleabag eats a sandwich while discussing her breakup with Harry with her sister Claire, who expresses concern. Their conversation turns heated as Fleabag sarcastically reminds Claire of her past indiscretion, leading to a humorous yet tense exchange about their lives. Claire boasts about her accomplishments, but Fleabag dismisses them, insisting nothing can overshadow Claire's embarrassing moment. The dialogue shifts to a light-hearted discussion about uncomfortable pants, ending with a hint of camaraderie as Fleabag acknowledges Claire's advice.
Strengths
  • Witty dialogue
  • Natural character interactions
  • Humorous banter
Weaknesses
  • Lack of significant plot progression
  • Minimal conflict

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively establishes the dynamic between the two sisters through clever dialogue and humorous interactions, providing insight into their personalities and history.


Story Content

Concept: 7

The concept of showcasing the relationship between two sisters through humorous banter is engaging and relatable, providing a glimpse into their shared history and individual quirks.

Plot: 6

While the scene does not significantly advance the main plot, it serves as a crucial moment for character development and relationship building between Fleabag and Claire.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh approach to sibling relationships and personal struggles, with authentic dialogue and relatable situations. The characters' actions and dialogue feel genuine and engaging.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters of Fleabag and Claire are well-defined and engaging, with distinct personalities and a complex dynamic that drives the scene forward.

Character Changes: 5

While there are no significant character changes in the scene, it deepens the understanding of Fleabag and Claire's personalities and their shared history.

Internal Goal: 8

Fleabag's internal goal is to cope with her recent breakup and seek validation from her sister Claire. This reflects her deeper need for support and understanding in a time of emotional turmoil.

External Goal: 7

Fleabag's external goal is to navigate her relationship with her sister Claire and maintain a sense of humor in the face of personal challenges. This reflects the immediate circumstances of their strained relationship and the need for emotional connection.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 4

The conflict in the scene is minimal, primarily revolving around past mistakes and sibling rivalry, adding depth to the characters without escalating to high stakes.

Opposition: 6

The opposition in the scene is moderate, with conflicting values and perspectives between Fleabag and Claire. The audience is left wondering how their relationship will evolve.

High Stakes: 3

The stakes in the scene are low, focusing more on character dynamics and humor rather than high-stakes conflict or plot twists.

Story Forward: 5

The scene does not significantly move the main story forward but provides essential character development and relationship building between Fleabag and Claire.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected twists in dialogue and character interactions. The audience is kept on their toes, unsure of how the conversation will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the characters' differing values and perspectives on personal success and self-worth. Fleabag challenges Claire's definition of achievement and happiness, highlighting the contrast between material possessions and personal growth.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

The scene elicits a mix of emotions, from humor to nostalgia, as the characters navigate their complicated relationship and past mistakes with a blend of sarcasm and affection.

Dialogue: 9

The witty and sarcastic dialogue between Fleabag and Claire is a highlight of the scene, showcasing their unique personalities and the depth of their relationship.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its witty dialogue, relatable characters, and emotional depth. The banter between Fleabag and Claire keeps the audience invested in their relationship dynamics.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by balancing humor and emotional depth, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the characters' journey.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with proper scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting. It is easy to follow and visually engaging.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with clear character interactions, dialogue, and scene direction. The pacing and rhythm contribute to its effectiveness.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the sibling dynamic between Fleabag and Claire, showcasing their contrasting personalities through humor and tension. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtext to deepen the emotional stakes. While the humor is present, the underlying pain of Fleabag's breakup could be explored further, allowing for a more poignant moment amidst the comedy.
  • Fleabag's sarcastic remarks about Claire's past indiscretion are funny but may come off as overly harsh, potentially alienating the audience from Fleabag's character. Balancing humor with empathy could create a more relatable and nuanced portrayal of their relationship.
  • The transition from the previous scene to this one feels a bit abrupt. A brief moment of reflection or a visual cue could help bridge the emotional gap between Fleabag's struggles with her cafe and her current conversation with Claire, enhancing the narrative flow.
  • The dialogue about uncomfortable pants is humorous but feels somewhat disconnected from the main conflict of the scene. While it adds levity, it might detract from the emotional weight of the breakup discussion. Integrating this humor more seamlessly into the context of their conversation could strengthen the scene.
  • The scene ends rather abruptly after the discussion about pants, leaving the audience wanting more resolution or insight into Fleabag's emotional state. A closing line or moment that reflects her feelings about the breakup or her relationship with Claire could provide a more satisfying conclusion.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment where Fleabag reflects on her breakup before diving into the humor. This could be a brief pause or a direct address to the camera that highlights her vulnerability.
  • Introduce a moment of vulnerability from Claire, perhaps revealing her own insecurities or struggles, which could create a more balanced dynamic and allow for deeper character development.
  • Incorporate a visual element that symbolizes the tension between the sisters, such as a shot of Fleabag's uneaten sandwich or Claire's pristine appearance, to visually reinforce their contrasting lives.
  • Weave the humor about uncomfortable pants into the context of their conversation about relationships, perhaps by having Fleabag relate her discomfort with her pants to her feelings about her breakup, creating a thematic connection.
  • End the scene with a line that encapsulates Fleabag's emotional state, perhaps a humorous yet poignant remark that ties back to her breakup, leaving the audience with a clearer sense of her character's journey.



Scene 14 -  Changing Room Confessions
13 INT. CHANGING ROOMS. FLASH BACK. 13

Boo and Fleabag are in adjacent changing rooms. Boo is
manically trying things on. Fleabag is dressed and exiting
her cubicle. There is a deep affection between the girls.
FLEABAG
I need new sexy pants.
BOO
(in her cubicle)
I hate my body I hate my body I
hate my body. Have you found
anything? Fucking last minute
bastard trendy parties. Why do we
do it to ourselves?! I look
PREGNANT.
Episode 1 SHOOTING SCRIPT 02.03.15 16.


She steps out of her cubicle in a badly fitted dress to find
Fleabag holding her coat.
BOO (CONT’D)
Oh god definitely not. That does
nothing for you. I hate that.
Fleabag just looks at her.
BOO (CONT’D)
What?
FLEABAG
These are my clothes, Boo. I’ve
been wearing these all day.
BOO
Oh my god. Were you wearing your
coat?
FLEABAG
Yes. But - nothing here looked good
so I thought I’d just wear what I
was wearing today.
BOO
Are you joking?
FLEABAG
Are you joking?
BOO
(unsure)
Yes...?
Beat. They chuck clothes at each other.
FLEABAG
OH MY GOD. I’VE GOT TO GET A WHOLE
NEW OUTFIT NOW WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL
ME BEFORE I’VE BEEN SO MANY PLACES
TODAY.
BOO
YOU HAD YOUR COAT ON!! IT’S NOT
THAT BAD IT’S JUST NOT - OH GOD I’M
SORRY I LOVE YOU I’LL BUY YOU PANTS
I’LL BUY YOU SEXY PANTS!
Genres: ["Drama","Comedy"]

Summary In a flashback set in adjacent changing rooms, Boo struggles with body insecurities while trying on clothes, expressing her self-hate. Fleabag, more relaxed, exits her cubicle and humorously reveals her need for new sexy pants. Their conversation shifts from deep affection to playful banter about their outfits, with Boo criticizing Fleabag's choice of wearing her coat all day. They engage in a light-hearted exchange, throwing clothes at each other, and the scene concludes with Boo apologizing and offering to buy Fleabag new pants, reinforcing their strong friendship.
Strengths
  • Authentic character interactions
  • Humorous dialogue
  • Emotional depth
Weaknesses
  • Lack of significant plot progression
  • Low stakes

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively balances humor, reflection, and tension, providing insight into the characters' relationships and insecurities.


Story Content

Concept: 7

The concept of friends sharing insecurities and last-minute fashion dilemmas in a changing room is relatable and engaging.

Plot: 6

The plot in this scene focuses more on character interactions and relationships than on advancing a central storyline.

Originality: 8

The scene offers a fresh take on the familiar theme of self-image and friendship, with authentic dialogue and relatable situations.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed, with distinct personalities and dynamics that drive the scene.

Character Changes: 5

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, it deepens the audience's understanding of the characters' insecurities and relationships.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to feel confident and attractive, as reflected in her self-deprecating comments about her body and her desire for new clothes.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to find a new outfit for a trendy party, reflecting the immediate challenge of last-minute fashion decisions.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 4

The conflict in the scene is more subtle, revolving around the characters' insecurities and tensions.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene comes from the characters' conflicting views on fashion and self-image, creating tension and humor in their interactions.

High Stakes: 3

The stakes are relatively low in this scene, focusing more on personal insecurities and relationships.

Story Forward: 4

The scene does not significantly move the main storyline forward but provides valuable insight into the characters.

Unpredictability: 6

The scene is somewhat predictable in its focus on fashion dilemmas and self-image issues, but the characters' dynamic and humor add an element of unpredictability.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict revolves around self-image and societal pressures to conform to beauty standards, challenging the protagonist's beliefs about body image and self-worth.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene elicits a range of emotions, from humor to reflection to tension.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is witty, humorous, and reveals the characters' insecurities and affection for each other.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its humor, relatable characters, and emotional depth, drawing the audience into the characters' friendship and insecurities.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and humor, with well-timed comedic beats and character interactions.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene is well-formatted with clear scene descriptions and dialogue, following the expected format for a screenplay.

Structure: 9

The scene follows a clear structure with well-defined character interactions and comedic beats, fitting the expected format for a character-driven comedy.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the playful and affectionate dynamic between Fleabag and Boo, showcasing their friendship through humor and body image insecurities. However, the dialogue could benefit from more distinct character voices to further differentiate Fleabag and Boo's personalities.
  • The pacing of the scene feels slightly rushed, particularly in the dialogue exchanges. While the frantic energy is appropriate given the context of trying on clothes, allowing for more pauses or beats could enhance the comedic timing and emotional weight of their conversation.
  • Boo's self-deprecating remarks about her body are relatable and add depth to her character, but the repetition of 'I hate my body' could be streamlined. Instead of repeating the phrase, consider varying her expressions of insecurity to maintain engagement and avoid redundancy.
  • The physicality of the scene, such as throwing clothes at each other, is a great visual element that adds to the humor. However, it could be enhanced by incorporating more specific actions or reactions that reflect their personalities, such as Fleabag's playful sarcasm or Boo's dramatic flair.
  • The transition from the serious topic of body image to the light-hearted banter about clothes feels a bit abrupt. A smoother segue could help maintain the emotional flow of the scene, perhaps by Fleabag acknowledging Boo's insecurities before diving into the playful exchange.
Suggestions
  • Consider giving Boo a more unique way of expressing her insecurities, perhaps through a specific anecdote or a humorous metaphor that reflects her personality.
  • Add more physical comedy or visual gags to the scene, such as Fleabag trying on an outrageous outfit or Boo dramatically collapsing in despair over her appearance, to enhance the humor.
  • Incorporate a moment of vulnerability where Fleabag reassures Boo about her body, which could deepen their bond and provide a contrast to the humor, making the scene more emotionally resonant.
  • Experiment with the dialogue structure to create more back-and-forth banter, allowing for interruptions or overlapping dialogue that can heighten the comedic effect and reflect their close friendship.
  • Consider ending the scene with a more definitive emotional beat or a humorous callback to an earlier joke, which could provide a satisfying conclusion and set the tone for the next scene.



Scene 15 -  Feminism and Flaws
14 INT. LECTURE HALL. CONT. 14

Claire now eats a sandwich. Fleabag watches her.
FLEABAG
(whispers to camera)
Maybe she’s not anorexic. Maybe
clothes just - bitch.
Episode 1 SHOOTING SCRIPT 02.03.15 17.


Everyone claps. Sound of a mic as the lecturer settles on
stage. She is a middle aged, confident, middle class woman.
We intercut with their reactions.
LECTURER
Gosh look at you all! Thank you so
much for coming to “Women’s Speak -
opening women’s mouths since 1998”.
I am overwhelmed by how many faces
I see before me! What an honour.
Now, before I begin, I want to ask
you a question. The same question
that inspired me to give this
lecture. The same question that was
posed to women all around this
country with, well frankly,
shocking results. Now, I don’t know
about you, but I need some
reassurance.
(little laugh)
So, I pose the same question to the
women in this room today: Please
raise your hands if you would trade
five years of your life for the so-
called “perfect body”?
Fleabag and Claire raise their hands instinctively. Everyone
stares at them. They put their hands down guiltily.
FLEABAG
(whispering to Claire)
We are bad feminists.
CLAIRE
(slight smile)
I want my top back.
FLEABAG
Ok.
Genres: ["Drama","Comedy"]

Summary In a lecture hall during a women's empowerment event, Fleabag observes her sister Claire as they listen to a confident lecturer who poses a provocative question about sacrificing years of life for a perfect body. Fleabag and Claire instinctively raise their hands but quickly feel guilty and lower them, leading to a humorous exchange about their perceived failures as feminists. The scene blends humor and introspection, highlighting the complexities of body image and feminism, ending with the sisters sharing a light-hearted moment about wanting their top back.
Strengths
  • Sharp dialogue
  • Emotional depth
  • Humorous moments
  • Exploration of complex themes
Weaknesses
  • Lack of traditional plot progression
  • Limited external conflict

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively combines humor with deeper emotional themes, creating a compelling and thought-provoking narrative. The dialogue is sharp, and the character dynamics are engaging.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring body image, feminism, and personal struggles within the context of a lecture on women's issues is innovative and engaging. The scene effectively weaves together humor and deeper themes.

Plot: 7

The plot in this scene focuses more on character dynamics and thematic exploration rather than traditional plot progression. It deepens the audience's understanding of the characters and sets up future conflicts and resolutions.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh approach to the topic of body image and feminism, with authentic character actions and dialogue that feel true to life.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed, with distinct personalities and complex relationships. Their interactions feel authentic and provide insight into their inner struggles and motivations.

Character Changes: 7

The characters undergo subtle changes in their perspectives and relationships, particularly in their interactions with each other and the themes explored in the scene.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to grapple with her own beliefs and values regarding body image and feminism. This reflects her deeper need for self-acceptance and her fear of not living up to societal standards.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to engage with the lecture and participate in the discussion. This reflects the immediate challenge of confronting societal expectations and norms.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

While there are moments of conflict, particularly in the interactions between the characters, the scene's focus is more on introspection, humor, and thematic exploration.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with societal expectations and internalized misogyny posing a significant challenge for the protagonist.

High Stakes: 5

The stakes in this scene are more personal and emotional, focusing on the characters' inner struggles, relationships, and societal pressures rather than high-stakes external conflicts.

Story Forward: 7

While the scene doesn't significantly advance the main plot, it deepens the audience's understanding of the characters, their relationships, and the thematic elements of the story.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected reactions of the characters and the challenging philosophical conflict presented.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the tension between societal beauty standards and feminist ideals. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs and values, forcing her to confront her own internalized misogyny.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene elicits a range of emotions, from humor to reflection to empathy. The characters' struggles and relationships resonate with the audience, creating a strong emotional impact.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is sharp, witty, and emotionally resonant. It effectively conveys the characters' personalities, relationships, and the themes of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its relatable themes, witty dialogue, and thought-provoking content.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension and allowing for moments of reflection.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings and character actions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the tension between societal expectations of women's bodies and the personal insecurities of the characters, particularly through Fleabag's internal monologue and the lecturer's provocative question. However, the humor could be enhanced by further exploring the absurdity of the situation, particularly the guilt Fleabag and Claire feel after raising their hands. This could be achieved by adding more exaggerated reactions from the audience or a humorous inner dialogue from Fleabag.
  • The dialogue between Fleabag and Claire is light-hearted and serves to establish their relationship, but it feels somewhat disconnected from the larger theme of the lecture. While the mention of being 'bad feminists' is a clever commentary, it could be deepened by having Fleabag reflect more on what that means to her personally, perhaps contrasting her feelings with Claire's more conventional views.
  • The lecturer's introduction is engaging, but it could benefit from a more dynamic delivery. Consider incorporating physical comedy or visual gags that highlight the audience's reactions to her statements, which would enhance the comedic tone of the scene. This could also serve to emphasize the absurdity of the question posed to the audience.
  • The pacing of the scene feels a bit rushed, particularly in the transition from the lecturer's introduction to Fleabag and Claire's exchange. Slowing down the moment when the lecturer asks her question could build tension and allow for a more impactful comedic payoff when Fleabag and Claire react. This would also give the audience time to absorb the weight of the question being posed.
Suggestions
  • Add a brief moment of silence or a comedic pause after the lecturer asks her question to heighten the tension before Fleabag and Claire react. This could allow for a more dramatic buildup to their guilty response.
  • Consider including a humorous visual element, such as a close-up of Fleabag's face as she realizes the implications of raising her hand, or a shot of the audience's shocked expressions, to enhance the comedic impact.
  • Incorporate a brief flashback or memory that illustrates Fleabag's past experiences with body image or societal pressures, which could provide context for her reaction and deepen her character development.
  • Explore the dynamic between Fleabag and Claire further by having them engage in a more playful banter about their insecurities or past experiences related to body image, which could add depth to their relationship and the scene's humor.



Scene 16 -  Awkward Connections
15 INT. STEPS. LECTURE HALL. CONT. 15

Fleabag hands Claire her top and ties her coat up tightly.
CLAIRE
Won’t you get cold?
FLEABAG
No, I have really hairy nipples.
Pause. Claire looks sadly at her.
FLEABAG (CONT’D)
What?
Claire suddenly tries to hug Fleabag. Fleabag flinches and
ends up whacking her head.
Episode 1 SHOOTING SCRIPT 02.03.15 18.


CLAIRE
OW FUCK.
FLEABAG
What was that!
CLAIRE
What!? It was a - fucking hug.
FLEABAG
Well it was terrifying! Never do it
again. Fuck.
CLAIRE
(hurt)
I’m just trying to - I’m trying -
(this is not easy)
Do you want to go for a drink or -
FLEABAG
I have plans.
CLAIRE
(frosty again)
Ok. Fine. Sure. See you next time
Women Speak, then.
FLEABAG
Yeah.
She leaves. Fleabag watches her go. A tinge of regret for
turning her down. A woman from the lecture passes.
FLEABAG (CONT’D)
Do you want to go for a drink?
WOMAN
(confused)
No.
Some time goes past. She gets a text. It reads: “BUS RODENT:
Still smiling. :)” She grimaces. And then texts back: “Oh my
god me too!.. You free tonight?”
Genres: ["Drama","Comedy"]

Summary In a lecture hall, Fleabag helps her sister Claire with her coat, leading to a humorous yet awkward exchange about Fleabag's hairy nipples. When Claire attempts to hug her, Fleabag flinches and accidentally hits her head, causing tension. Claire, feeling rejected, suggests going for a drink, but Fleabag declines, resulting in a frosty farewell. After Claire leaves, Fleabag expresses regret but quickly shifts her focus when she receives an enthusiastic text from someone named 'BUS RODENT.'
Strengths
  • Authentic character interactions
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Emotional depth
Weaknesses
  • Some moments of awkwardness may feel forced or contrived

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively combines humor, tension, and emotional depth through the interactions between characters and the exploration of personal struggles.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring awkward encounters, sibling relationships, and personal struggles is well-executed and adds depth to the overall narrative.

Plot: 7

The plot progresses through the interactions between characters, revealing insights into their relationships and personal challenges.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh take on social interactions and emotional dynamics, with authentic character actions and dialogue that feel relatable and engaging.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed, with distinct personalities and motivations that drive the scene forward. Their interactions feel authentic and contribute to the emotional impact of the scene.

Character Changes: 7

The characters experience subtle changes in their relationships and perspectives, particularly in the dynamics between Fleabag and Claire.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to maintain emotional distance and avoid vulnerability, as seen in her reaction to Claire's attempt to hug her.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to navigate social interactions and maintain her cool facade, as shown in her interactions with Claire and the woman from the lecture.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

The conflict in the scene is primarily internal and interpersonal, adding tension and emotional depth to the interactions between characters.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to challenge the protagonist's emotional barriers and create tension, keeping the audience invested in the outcome.

High Stakes: 5

The stakes in the scene are primarily emotional and interpersonal, focusing on the dynamics between characters and the personal challenges they face.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by revealing key insights into the characters' relationships, personal struggles, and the challenges faced by Fleabag in her cafe business.

Unpredictability: 7

The scene is unpredictable in its emotional shifts and character reactions, adding depth and complexity to the narrative.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict revolves around the protagonist's struggle between emotional connection and self-preservation, highlighting themes of vulnerability and authenticity.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a range of emotions, including humor, tension, and regret, creating a strong emotional impact on the audience.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is engaging, witty, and reveals important aspects of the characters' personalities and relationships. It effectively conveys humor, tension, and emotional depth.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its blend of humor, vulnerability, and relatable social dynamics, keeping the audience invested in the characters' interactions.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene enhances its effectiveness by balancing humor with emotional depth, creating a dynamic and engaging rhythm.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene's formatting adheres to industry standards, enhancing readability and clarity for the reader.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a coherent structure with clear character motivations and interactions, fitting the expected format for its genre.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the awkwardness and complexity of Fleabag and Claire's relationship, showcasing their contrasting emotional states. However, the humor derived from Fleabag's flinching reaction to the hug feels slightly forced and could benefit from a more organic build-up to the moment.
  • Fleabag's line about her 'really hairy nipples' is a humorous touch, but it may come off as a bit jarring in the context of the emotional undercurrents of the scene. It could be more impactful if it were tied more closely to the themes of vulnerability and body image that have been explored in previous scenes.
  • The dialogue between Fleabag and Claire is sharp and reflects their dynamic well, but Claire's hurt feelings could be more deeply explored. A moment of silence or a more poignant line from Claire could enhance the emotional weight of her disappointment.
  • The transition from the awkward hug to Claire's invitation for a drink feels abrupt. It might be beneficial to include a brief moment of reflection or hesitation from Fleabag before she declines, emphasizing her internal conflict and regret.
  • The ending with the text from Bus Rodent serves as a nice comedic contrast to the earlier tension, but it could be more impactful if it were foreshadowed earlier in the scene. Perhaps Fleabag could glance at her phone before the interaction with Claire, hinting at her desire for connection.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment of silence or a shared look after the hug to allow the emotional weight of the moment to resonate before moving on to the next beat.
  • Explore Claire's feelings more deeply by giving her a line that expresses her hurt or frustration more explicitly, which could enhance the emotional stakes of the scene.
  • Revisit the humor surrounding Fleabag's hairy nipples to ensure it aligns with the emotional tone of the scene. Perhaps it could be a more self-deprecating comment that ties back to her insecurities.
  • Introduce a brief moment where Fleabag hesitates before declining Claire's invitation for a drink, allowing the audience to feel her internal struggle and regret more acutely.
  • Foreshadow the text from Bus Rodent earlier in the scene to create a stronger connection between Fleabag's desire for companionship and her interactions with Claire.



Scene 17 -  The Pub Encounter
16 INT. PUB. NIGHT. 16

Bus Rodent now sits with Fleabag. He is talking animatedly
through his tiny mouth. They both have drinks. She pushes
some crisp towards him. He eats one like a hamster. Fleabag
raises her eyes to the camera.
FLEABAG
He’s telling me that-
BUS RODENT
Yah, my sister is deaf.
Episode 1 SHOOTING SCRIPT 02.03.15 19.


FLEABAG
Which is his way of letting me know
that he is interesting and
sensitive. Which is fine.
(to Bus Rodent)
So you use sign language with her?
BUS RODENT
(genuine)
God no. I didn’t have time to learn
sign.
FLEABAG
(to camera)
Didn’t have time.
BUS RODENT
Yah, but you see we grew up
together so she can lip read me
like, really well.
FLEABAG
Really!? Wow. Lip reading is very
dependent on -
BUS RODENT
Yah also she’s like really into
really deep base because she can
feel the vibrations y’know -
The sound of his voice fades out as Fleabag imagines she is
deaf, lipreading him. All she can see is OOoooOOOOooo which
is written on the screen next to his mouth. She looks at
another punter. He is clearly saying “When was the last time
you fucked a teenager?”, which is written on the screen. She
looks at a woman with a scarf round her head clearly saying
“and I woke up and he had just shaved my whole body.. My
eyebrows and everything. See (she points), pencilled”. She
looks back at Bus Rodent who is still talking. No sound.
OOOOOooooo written on the screen.
FLEABAG
(to camera)
Poor deaf bitch.
BUS RODENT
So, I’m just going to go for a
wazz.
He goes. Fleabag nicks a twenty pound note out of his wallet.
He reappears and picks up his wallet from the table.
BUS RODENT (CONT’D)
Same again while I’m up? Or a
little cockytail? Or a shot!?
FLEABAG
Or we could just go back to mine?
Episode 1 SHOOTING SCRIPT 02.03.15 20.


BUS RODENT
Oh! Wow thanks, but I’ve got work
tomorrow.. another drink though?
FLEABAG
I could just come back to yours?
BUS RODENT
It’s a pretty early start though so-
FLEABAG
I’ll could get you a cab in the
morning.
BUS RODENT
(laughing)
That’s ridiculous!
FLEABAG
What’s your problem?
BUS RODENT
Oh. Nothing. I just... I like you.
FLEABAG
(grabbing her bag)
Ok. You’re a dick.
BUS RODENT
What’s going on? I-
FLEABAG
You’re pathetic.
She gives a smug look to the camera as she gets up and walks
to the door. Bus Rodent follows.
FLEABAG (CONT’D)
Don’t follow me. It’s too late.
BUS RODENT
I’m not- you just- dropped this.
He hands her the twenty pounds she stole from him. She takes
it and struts off towards the door.
Genres: ["Drama","Comedy"]

Summary In a pub, Fleabag engages in a flirtatious yet confrontational conversation with Bus Rodent, who shares stories about his deaf sister. As he talks, Fleabag imagines the experience of being deaf, leading to a moment of distraction where she steals a twenty-pound note from his wallet. After an awkward flirtation, Bus Rodent declines her invitation to his place, prompting Fleabag to insult him as 'pathetic.' The scene concludes with her confidently strutting away, leaving Bus Rodent confused and embarrassed.
Strengths
  • Sharp dialogue
  • Complex characters
  • Humorous yet poignant tone
Weaknesses
  • Awkwardness may be uncomfortable for some viewers
  • Lack of clear resolution in the scene

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively conveys a mix of humor and discomfort, showcasing the characters' flawed communication and underlying tensions. The sharp dialogue and awkward interactions keep the audience engaged and intrigued.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the scene revolves around miscommunication, manipulation, and self-preservation in human relationships. It explores the complexities of social interactions and the challenges of genuine connection in a humorous yet poignant way.

Plot: 7

The plot of the scene revolves around Fleabag's awkward encounter with Bus Rodent, highlighting the challenges of communication and the dynamics of power in their interaction. The scene moves the story forward by revealing more about Fleabag's character and her struggles with relationships.

Originality: 9

The scene showcases originality through its unconventional character dynamics, dark humor, and exploration of complex themes. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds depth to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters of Fleabag and Bus Rodent are well-developed and complex, with layers of humor, vulnerability, and manipulation. Their interactions reveal their flaws and desires, adding depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 7

Both Fleabag and Bus Rodent undergo subtle changes in the scene, revealing more about their personalities and motivations. Fleabag's self-preservation instincts and Bus Rodent's vulnerability are highlighted through their interactions.

Internal Goal: 8

Fleabag's internal goal in this scene is to maintain her facade of disinterest and detachment, while also seeking validation and connection through her interactions with Bus Rodent.

External Goal: 7.5

Fleabag's external goal is to engage in a casual flirtation with Bus Rodent, potentially leading to a romantic or sexual encounter.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The scene has a high level of conflict, both internal and external, as Fleabag and Bus Rodent navigate their awkward and manipulative interaction. The tension between the characters drives the scene forward and adds depth to their relationship dynamics.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting desires and motivations driving the interactions between Fleabag and Bus Rodent. The audience is left unsure of the outcome.

High Stakes: 6

The stakes in the scene are moderate, focusing on the characters' emotional and social dynamics rather than life-threatening situations. The tension and conflict between Fleabag and Bus Rodent drive the scene forward and add depth to their relationship dynamics.

Story Forward: 8

The scene effectively moves the story forward by revealing more about Fleabag's character, her struggles with relationships, and the challenges of genuine connection. The interaction between Fleabag and Bus Rodent adds depth to the narrative and sets up future developments.

Unpredictability: 7.5

This scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected shifts in tone, character motivations, and dialogue. The audience is kept on their toes as the interactions unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the themes of honesty, manipulation, and self-preservation. Fleabag's actions challenge traditional moral values and societal norms.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene has a moderate emotional impact, eliciting feelings of discomfort, humor, and intrigue as the characters navigate their awkward encounter. The audience is drawn into the complexities of the characters' emotions and intentions.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue in the scene is sharp, witty, and filled with subtext, adding depth to the characters' interactions. The banter between Fleabag and Bus Rodent captures the awkwardness and tension of their encounter.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its blend of humor, drama, and character dynamics. The dialogue and actions keep the audience invested in the unfolding interactions.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, leading to a satisfying resolution. The rhythm of the dialogue and actions enhances the scene's effectiveness.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene adheres to the expected format for its genre, enhancing readability and clarity.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a coherent structure that effectively conveys the characters' motivations and conflicts. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the scene's effectiveness.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the awkwardness and humor of Fleabag's interactions with Bus Rodent, showcasing her tendency to push boundaries in social situations. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtext to deepen the emotional stakes. Fleabag's motivations for stealing the money and her subsequent confrontation with Bus Rodent feel somewhat abrupt and could be better foreshadowed.
  • Fleabag's fourth-wall breaks are a strong element of the series, but in this scene, they occasionally disrupt the flow of the conversation. The transition between Bus Rodent's dialogue and Fleabag's internal thoughts could be smoother to maintain the comedic rhythm.
  • The visual gags, such as Fleabag imagining herself as deaf, are clever and add a layer of humor. However, the execution could be tightened to ensure that the audience fully grasps the absurdity of the situation without losing track of the main conversation.
  • The character of Bus Rodent is portrayed as quirky and somewhat endearing, but his responses can come off as overly simplistic. Adding more depth to his character could enhance the dynamic between him and Fleabag, making their interactions more engaging.
  • The ending of the scene, where Fleabag calls Bus Rodent 'pathetic' and struts off, feels a bit one-dimensional. It would be more impactful if Fleabag's actions reflected a deeper internal conflict or vulnerability, rather than just a surface-level dismissal.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more layers to Fleabag's motivations for stealing the money. Perhaps she could express a moment of guilt or rationalization that adds depth to her character.
  • Enhance the dialogue between Fleabag and Bus Rodent by incorporating more subtext. This could involve Fleabag subtly probing Bus Rodent's feelings or insecurities, which would create a richer interaction.
  • Refine the transitions between dialogue and Fleabag's internal monologues to maintain a consistent comedic tone. This could involve using visual cues or physical comedy to bridge the gaps.
  • Develop Bus Rodent's character further by giving him a more complex backstory or unique quirks that make him more relatable and interesting, which would elevate the stakes of their interaction.
  • Explore Fleabag's emotional state more deeply at the end of the scene. Instead of simply calling Bus Rodent 'pathetic,' consider having her reflect on her own feelings of inadequacy or loneliness, which would resonate more with the audience.



Scene 18 -  A Night at the Bus Stop
17 EXT. BUS STOP. NIGHT. 17

There is an incredibly drunk girl sitting on the curb.
Fleabag watches her. Drunk Girl suddenly slips off and
crashes to the floor. Her bag empties over the floor, her
boob falls out of her top. Fleabag helps her back up and puts
her boob back in. They both settle. Then the whole thing
happens again. Fleabag helps her up and then sits next to her
so the girl rests her head on Fleabag’s shoulder. After a
while she looks up.
Episode 1 SHOOTING SCRIPT 02.03.15 21.


FLEABAG
You ok?
Drunk girl nods.
DRUNK GIRL
Are you ok?
(touches Fleabag’s face)
Sad face.
FLEABAG
I’m fine.
Long pause. Then the girl looks at her intensely before
DRUNK GIRL
Aw.
(beat)
You’re such a lovely man.
Fleabag looks at the camera. A cab passes. Fleabag hails it.
FLEABAG
Do you want to - spend the night
with me?
DRUNK GIRL
WHAT?! NO WAY! Naughty boy...!
Fleabag picks the girl up and walks her to the cab.
DRUNK GIRL (CONT’D)
Hey! Bad man! I said NO!
She puts Drunk Girl into the cab, puts the stolen twenty quid
note into her hand and closes the door. She sits at the bus
stop again. A drunk man sits too close beside her on the
curb. He looks a little leery.
GOOD MAN
Alright?
They sit in silence for a while before -
FLEABAG
I’m not wearing a top under here.
GOOD MAN
(so lovely)
Oh no! You need me to get you
something to wear?
FLEABAG
No I - Do you want to come home
with me?
Episode 1 SHOOTING SCRIPT 02.03.15 22.


GOOD MAN
Aw, no thanks honey. I got my girl
already. Good luck with that
though. He’d be a lucky fella.
FLEABAG
(to camera)
Arsehole.
GOOD MAN
Isn’t London beautiful?
(smiles at her)
‘Specially when it’s shutting up
shop.
Fleabag looks at him suddenly, thrown by the words...
Genres: ["Drama","Comedy"]

Summary Fleabag encounters a very drunk girl at a bus stop in London, helping her after she falls and spills her belongings. They share a moment of intimacy, leading to a humorous misunderstanding when the girl mistakenly thinks Fleabag is a man. After assisting her into a cab and giving her a stolen twenty-pound note, Fleabag interacts with a leery man who declines her invitation to go home, instead complimenting her. The scene blends humor and vulnerability, highlighting themes of loneliness and connection as Fleabag reflects on the man's words about London.
Strengths
  • Humorous dialogue
  • Complex character development
  • Emotional depth
Weaknesses
  • Some awkward interactions may be off-putting to some viewers

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively balances humor, reflection, and character development, creating an engaging and multi-layered narrative.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring Fleabag's past relationships, struggles with her business, and interactions with various characters is engaging and adds depth to the narrative.

Plot: 7

The plot progresses through Fleabag's interactions with different characters, revealing insights into her past and current struggles.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh take on human connection and vulnerability, with authentic character interactions and unexpected moments.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed and add depth to the scene, especially Fleabag, who is portrayed as complex, vulnerable, and humorous.

Character Changes: 7

Fleabag experiences moments of reflection, regret, and vulnerability, showing some growth and self-awareness throughout the scene.

Internal Goal: 8

Fleabag's internal goal is to connect with someone in a meaningful way, despite her sarcastic and detached exterior. This reflects her deeper need for genuine human connection.

External Goal: 7

Fleabag's external goal is to help the drunk girl and ensure she gets home safely. This reflects the immediate challenge of dealing with a vulnerable stranger.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

The conflict in the scene is more internal and emotional, focusing on Fleabag's struggles and relationships rather than external conflicts.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is subtle but adds complexity to Fleabag's interactions, creating uncertainty and tension.

High Stakes: 5

The stakes are more emotional and personal, focusing on Fleabag's relationships and struggles rather than high-stakes external conflicts.

Story Forward: 7

The scene provides insights into Fleabag's past and current struggles, moving the story forward by deepening the audience's understanding of her character.

Unpredictability: 8

The scene is unpredictable in its character interactions and emotional shifts, keeping the audience on their toes.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict is between Fleabag's cynical view of the world and the drunk girl's innocent kindness. This challenges Fleabag's beliefs about human nature and connection.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from humor to reflection to empathy, creating a strong emotional impact on the audience.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is witty, humorous, and reflective, capturing the essence of Fleabag's character and the dynamics between her and other characters.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its mix of humor, drama, and character dynamics that keep the audience invested.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene enhances its emotional impact and allows for moments of tension and reflection.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting effectively conveys the tone and pacing of the scene, enhancing the reader's experience.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a non-linear structure that enhances the emotional impact and character development.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the absurdity and vulnerability of both Fleabag and the drunk girl, showcasing the show's signature blend of humor and pathos. However, the humor derived from the drunk girl's state could risk coming off as insensitive if not handled carefully. The balance between comedy and empathy is crucial, and the scene does well to maintain this balance, but it could be further refined.
  • Fleabag's interaction with the drunk girl is a strong moment of connection, but the transition from helping her to the awkward proposition feels abrupt. The dialogue could benefit from a smoother flow to enhance the comedic timing and emotional resonance. The sudden shift from a caring gesture to a suggestive proposition may feel jarring to the audience.
  • The introduction of the 'Good Man' character adds an interesting dynamic, but his dialogue feels somewhat generic and lacks depth. While he serves as a foil to Fleabag, giving her a moment of reflection, his lines could be more distinctive to leave a stronger impression.
  • Fleabag's fourth wall break is a hallmark of the series, but the line 'Arsehole' feels a bit flat and could be more impactful. This moment is an opportunity to deepen her character's voice and perspective on the situation, perhaps by reflecting on her own choices or the absurdity of the interactions she's having.
  • The visual elements of the scene are strong, particularly the physical comedy of the drunk girl falling and Fleabag's attempts to help her. However, the scene could benefit from more descriptive action lines to enhance the visual storytelling and clarify the characters' physical states and emotions.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment of reflection for Fleabag after the drunk girl rejects her proposition, perhaps a line that highlights her own loneliness or desire for connection, which would deepen the emotional impact of the scene.
  • Enhance the dialogue of the 'Good Man' character to make him more memorable. Perhaps give him a quirky perspective on London or a humorous observation that resonates with Fleabag's situation.
  • Refine the transition between helping the drunk girl and the proposition to ensure it feels more organic. This could involve a few more lines of dialogue that build up to the suggestion, allowing for a more natural comedic rhythm.
  • Explore the possibility of Fleabag's internal monologue during her interactions, which could provide insight into her thoughts and feelings, adding layers to her character and the scene's humor.
  • Consider using more vivid descriptions in the action lines to enhance the visual storytelling, such as detailing the drunk girl's appearance or Fleabag's physical reactions to the situations, which would help the audience visualize the scene more clearly.



Scene 19 -  From Camaraderie to Solitude
18 INT. CAFE. NIGHT. FLASH BACK. 18

Boo closing the door. The girls are drunk on wine.
BOO
Shutting up shop!
FLEABAG
Shorry, what are you doing?
BOO
(locking the door)
I’m SSHHUTTING UP SSHHOOP.
Fleabag laughs picks up a ukulele and starts playing
FLEABAG
Shing a shong Boo Boo!!
BOO
(singing)
Another lunch break another
abortion! Another piece of cake
another two fuck it twenty
cigarettes.
(with Fleabag)
And we’re happy, so happy, to be
modern women.
They high five. Boo pulls Fleabag’s face close to hers
BOO (CONT’D)
Let’s never ask anyone for
anything. They don’t get it.
FLEABAG
Deal.
They shake on it.
Episode 1 SHOOTING SCRIPT 02.03.15 23.

19 EXT. STREET. NIGHT. 19

Fleabag is swaying down a quiet street. Drunk. We stay on her
for a while. She checks her phone. Nothing. A girl calls out.
GIRL (O.C.)
HARRY! HARRY! HARRY WAIT! HARRY!
Fleabag rolls her eyes. She looks at her phone.
FLEABAG
Fuck it.
Genres: ["Drama","Comedy"]

Summary In a flashback, Fleabag and Boo celebrate their independence in a cafe, singing a humorous song about modern womanhood and solidifying their bond with a handshake. The scene shifts to the present, where a now lonely and drunk Fleabag sways down a quiet street, dismissively reacting to a girl calling for someone named Harry, highlighting her feelings of isolation.
Strengths
  • Witty dialogue
  • Emotional depth
  • Character interactions
  • Reflective moments
Weaknesses
  • Subtle conflict
  • Internal focus

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively balances humor with emotional depth, providing insight into the characters' relationships and personal struggles. The mix of tones keeps the audience engaged and invested in the story.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring friendship, self-discovery, and past relationships through humor and emotional depth is well-realized in the scene. The mix of tones and themes adds layers to the narrative.

Plot: 7

The plot progresses through character interactions and reflective moments, providing insight into the characters' pasts and current struggles. The scene sets up conflicts and resolutions that drive the story forward.

Originality: 9

The scene is original in its portrayal of modern women navigating societal expectations and personal desires. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and fresh, offering a unique perspective on female independence and friendship.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed, with distinct personalities and motivations. Their interactions reveal vulnerabilities, strengths, and complexities that drive the narrative and engage the audience.

Character Changes: 7

The characters undergo subtle changes in the scene, revealing vulnerabilities, strengths, and growth through their interactions and reflections. These changes drive the narrative and deepen the character arcs.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to maintain her independence and self-sufficiency. This reflects her deeper need for autonomy and her fear of relying on others for support.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to enjoy a carefree night out with her friend. This reflects the immediate circumstances of the scene where they are drunk and having fun.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

The conflict in the scene is primarily internal, focusing on the characters' emotional struggles and past relationships. While there are tensions and disagreements, the conflict is more subtle and character-driven.

Opposition: 6

The opposition in the scene is moderate, with the protagonist facing internal and external challenges that add tension and conflict to the narrative. The audience is left wondering how the protagonist will overcome these obstacles.

High Stakes: 5

The stakes in the scene are primarily emotional and personal, focusing on the characters' relationships, self-discovery, and coping with past traumas. While there are tensions and conflicts, the stakes are more internal and character-driven.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by setting up conflicts, resolutions, and character developments that drive the narrative. It provides insights into the characters' pasts and motivations, advancing the plot.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the characters' spontaneous actions and unexpected dialogue. The audience is kept on their toes, unsure of what will happen next.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between the characters' desire for independence and self-reliance, and the societal expectation of asking for help when needed. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs about modern womanhood and self-sufficiency.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene has a strong emotional impact, blending humor with reflective moments to evoke empathy and connection with the characters. The mix of tones and sentiments resonates with the audience.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is witty, humorous, and emotionally resonant, capturing the characters' personalities and relationships. It drives the plot forward and adds depth to the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its witty dialogue, relatable characters, and humorous interactions. The audience is drawn into the characters' world and emotions, making them invested in the outcome of the scene.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by balancing humor, drama, and introspection. The rhythm of the dialogue and action keeps the audience engaged and invested in the characters' journey.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with proper scene headings, action lines, and character dialogue. The formatting enhances the readability and flow of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear dialogue, action, and description. The pacing and rhythm of the scene contribute to its effectiveness in conveying the characters' emotions and motivations.


Critique
  • The transition from the flashback scene in the cafe to Fleabag swaying down the street is effective in showcasing the contrast between her joyful past with Boo and her current state of loneliness. However, the emotional weight of the flashback could be enhanced by adding more depth to Boo's character, allowing the audience to feel the loss more acutely in the present.
  • The dialogue in the flashback is humorous and captures the carefree spirit of the characters, but it could benefit from a bit more specificity or unique phrasing to make it feel more distinct and memorable. The lines about modern womanhood and the humorous take on serious topics like abortion are engaging, but they risk feeling a bit generic without more personal touches.
  • Fleabag's reaction to the girl calling out for Harry is relatable and adds to her character's complexity, but the line 'Fuck it' feels somewhat abrupt. It could be more impactful if it were preceded by a brief moment of reflection or a more vivid internal thought that illustrates her frustration or sadness.
  • The visual storytelling in the scene is strong, particularly in the way it captures Fleabag's drunken state. However, the scene could benefit from more sensory details to immerse the audience further in the atmosphere—sounds of the street, the feel of the night air, or even the sights around her could enhance the mood.
  • The pacing of the scene feels slightly uneven. The flashback is lively and energetic, while the transition to the present is more subdued. A smoother transition could help maintain the emotional flow and keep the audience engaged.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a line or two that gives Boo a more distinct personality or backstory, which would make her absence in the present feel more poignant.
  • Revise the dialogue in the flashback to include more unique phrases or personal anecdotes that reflect Fleabag and Boo's friendship, making it feel more authentic and memorable.
  • Before Fleabag says 'Fuck it,' include a brief internal monologue that captures her feelings of disappointment or longing, which would deepen the emotional impact of the moment.
  • Incorporate more sensory details in the present scene to create a richer atmosphere, such as the sounds of the city at night or the feeling of the cool air, to enhance the audience's immersion.
  • Work on the pacing by ensuring that the transition from the lively flashback to the quieter present moment feels more fluid, perhaps by using a visual cue or a sound that bridges the two scenes.



Scene 20 -  Late Night Confessions
20 EXT. DAD’S HOUSE. FRONT DOOR. 20

Fleabag is drunk. She is ringing relentlessly on the bell.
She hammers at the door. She yells through the letter box.
FLEABAG
HHEEELLLOOOEEELLOOOELLLOOEELLOOOO!?
(to camera)
This is totally fine.
A light goes on. Eventually the door opens. It’s an exhausted
man in his fifties.
FLEABAG (CONT’D)
Alright Dad!
DAD
What’s going on?
FLEABAG
Oh I’m absolutely fine!
DAD
Ok.
FLEABAG
It’s just -
DAD
Yeah.
FLEABAG
Uh - nothing.
DAD
It’s almost two o’clock in the
morning.
FLEABAG
Ok.
(beat)
No I - Oh Jesus - I ok ok ok - I
just - whoa - um -
Episode 1 SHOOTING SCRIPT 02.03.15 24.


He sighs.
FLEABAG (CONT’D)
Ok fuck it. I have a horrible
feeling I am a greedy, perverted,
selfish, apathetic, cynical,
depraved, mannish looking woman who
can’t even call herself a feminist.
Long beat. She looks desperately at him. She needs him now.
DAD
Well...
(pathetic, trying to make
a joke)
You get all that from your mother!
She laughs a sad laugh. He tries to laugh too.
FLEABAG
Good one!
DAD
I’m - I’m going to call you a cab,
darling.
He turns to go inside. Stops, looks back at her.
DAD (CONT’D)
Don’t go upstairs.
Genres: ["Drama","Comedy"]

Summary Fleabag, drunk and distressed, arrives at her father's house late at night, seeking connection but revealing her deep insecurities about her identity. Despite her insistence that she is fine, she candidly expresses feelings of being a flawed and selfish woman. Her father, exhausted, tries to lighten the mood with humor but ultimately offers practical help by suggesting a cab, warning her against going upstairs. The scene captures the tension between Fleabag's vulnerability and her father's concern, ending with her left in uncertainty.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
  • Humor
Weaknesses
  • Potential lack of clarity in Fleabag's motivations

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively conveys Fleabag's emotional turmoil and inner conflict through a mix of humor and poignant moments. The interaction with her father adds depth to her character and sets up potential growth.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of Fleabag seeking comfort and validation from her father in a vulnerable moment is compelling and adds depth to her character. It explores themes of self-worth and family dynamics.

Plot: 7

The plot progresses by revealing more about Fleabag's emotional state and her relationship with her father. It sets up potential conflicts and resolutions for future developments.

Originality: 9

The scene is original in its portrayal of a complex, flawed protagonist grappling with internal demons. The dialogue feels authentic and raw, capturing the messy reality of human relationships.


Character Development

Characters: 8

Fleabag's character is well-developed in this scene, showcasing her vulnerability and complex emotions. Her father adds depth to the interaction, highlighting their strained relationship.

Character Changes: 7

Fleabag undergoes a subtle change in this scene, revealing her vulnerability and seeking help from her father. It sets up potential growth and development for her character.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to seek validation and understanding from her father. This reflects her deeper need for acceptance, her fear of being judged, and her desire for connection.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to get a cab home safely. This reflects the immediate challenge of being drunk and vulnerable late at night.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

The conflict in the scene is internal, focusing on Fleabag's emotional struggles and her need for validation. The tension lies in her desperation and her father's response.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create conflict and tension, but not overwhelming. The audience is left unsure of how the interaction between the protagonist and her father will unfold.

High Stakes: 6

The stakes are emotional in this scene, as Fleabag seeks comfort and validation from her father in a moment of vulnerability. The outcome could impact her self-perception and relationships.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by deepening Fleabag's character and her relationships. It sets up potential conflicts and resolutions for future developments.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the protagonist's erratic behavior and the unexpected emotional revelations that unfold between her and her father.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the protagonist's struggle with her self-image and identity. She grapples with feelings of inadequacy, self-doubt, and internalized misogyny, which challenge her beliefs and values.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, drawing the audience into Fleabag's vulnerable state and her search for comfort. It evokes empathy and connection with the character.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue effectively conveys Fleabag's inner turmoil and her attempt to reach out for help. The interaction with her father is poignant and realistic.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its emotional depth, relatable characters, and witty dialogue. The audience is drawn into the protagonist's internal struggle and her complex relationship with her father.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and emotional resonance. The dialogue and character interactions flow naturally, creating a sense of intimacy and vulnerability.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm contribute to its effectiveness.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures Fleabag's drunken state and emotional turmoil, showcasing her vulnerability and need for connection. However, the transition from her previous scene, where she dismisses a call for Harry, to this moment of desperation could be more explicitly linked to enhance the emotional continuity.
  • Fleabag's dialogue is humorous yet poignant, particularly her self-deprecating remarks. However, the pacing feels slightly rushed, especially in the back-and-forth with her dad. Allowing for more pauses could heighten the emotional weight of her confession and make her father's responses feel more impactful.
  • The father's attempt at humor in response to Fleabag's confession feels somewhat forced and could undermine the gravity of the moment. While humor is a staple of the series, balancing it with the seriousness of Fleabag's admission would create a more nuanced interaction.
  • The visual elements of Fleabag ringing the doorbell and yelling through the letterbox effectively convey her state of mind. However, incorporating more physicality or visual cues from her father could enhance the scene. For example, showing his weariness or concern through body language would deepen the emotional stakes.
  • The ending, where the father warns Fleabag not to go upstairs, feels abrupt. This could be an opportunity to explore the father's concern further, perhaps by having him express why he doesn't want her to go upstairs, which would add depth to their relationship.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment where Fleabag reflects on her previous interactions with her father before this scene, which could provide context for her current emotional state and enhance the audience's understanding of her desperation.
  • Allow for more pauses in the dialogue to give weight to Fleabag's confession and her father's responses. This would create a more natural rhythm and allow the audience to absorb the emotional gravity of the moment.
  • Rework the father's joke to be more subtle or relatable, perhaps by referencing a shared memory or experience that highlights their relationship, rather than making a generic comment about her mother.
  • Incorporate more visual storytelling by showing the father's physical reactions to Fleabag's state, such as his body language or facial expressions, to convey his concern and weariness more effectively.
  • Expand on the father's warning about not going upstairs. This could be an opportunity to reveal more about their family dynamics or past experiences, adding layers to their relationship and increasing the emotional stakes of the scene.



Scene 21 -  Unspoken Tensions
21 INT. SPARE BEDROOM/ STUDIO. CONT. 21

Fleabag climbs the stairs silently. Fleabag walks into a room
where her Godmother is stood, in bizarre overralls, painting
thick black paint onto a canvas. Fleabag watches her.
FLEABAG
(to camera)
To be fair. She’s not an evil
stepmother.
(beat)
She’s just a cunt.
ALTERNATIVE LINE:
She’s just a cock.

(to godmother)
Hi!
GODMOTHER/STEPMOTHER
(Really lovely)
Darling! I thought that must have
been you. Everything alright?
Episode 1 SHOOTING SCRIPT 02.03.15 25.


FLEABAG
(really nice)
Yeah! Just thought I’d swing by.
GODMOTHER/STEPMOTHER
How lovely. Lucky us.
FLEABAG
Don’t worry. Dad has already
ordered me a taxi. What you doing?
GODMOTHER/STEPMOTHER
I’m painting. I find the night time
very... peaceful.
(she laughs)
Usually!
Fleabag laughs too.
FLEABAG
(to camera)
Oop. She’s warming up.
GODMOTHER/STEPMOTHER
Look. I know it’s not really my
place. But - are you ok? Everyone’s
been worried abou-
Fleabag sees a small tin sculpture of a female legs and torso
with large breasts but no arms. She strokes it.
FLEABAG
Poor fucker.
GODMOTHER/STEPMOTHER
Yes. She’s actually an expression
of how women are subtle warriors...
strong at heart. How we don’t have
to use brute, muscular force to get
what we want. We just need to use
our -
FLEABAG
Tits.
GODMOTHER/STEPMOTHER
Innate femininity.
FLEABAG
Yeah. Tits don’t get you anywhere
these days. Trust me.
She touches the sculpture again. God Mother tries to smile
GODMOTHER/STEPMOTHER
Yes. That’s very valuable actually.
Episode 1 SHOOTING SCRIPT 02.03.15 26.


FLEABAG
How much?
GODMOTHER/STEPMOTHER
Thousands.
FLEABAG
Can I have it?
GODMOTHER/STEPMOTHER
(laughs)
No.
Fleabag points to the canvas covered in black paint.
FLEABAG
Ok. What’s that?
GODMOTHER/STEPMOTHER
That’s my self-portrait.
FLEABAG
Oh!
GODMOTHER/STEPMOTHER
Oo.
(wanting her to leave)
Is your father - ?
Dad’s voice weakly from the bottom of the stairs.
DAD (O.C.)
Um... It’s uh... It’s here.
Beat
FLEABAG
(a bit too loud)
THANKS.
GODMOTHER/STEPMOTHER
Ah. Nice of him.
She ushers Fleabag out. They kiss on each cheek.
GODMOTHER/STEPMOTHER (CONT’D)
Take care of yourself.
(she holds Fleabag’s arm)
You really do look ghastly darling.
Genres: ["Drama","Comedy"]

Summary Fleabag enters her Godmother's spare bedroom, where the Godmother is painting. Initially dismissive, Fleabag observes her Godmother's unusual attire and engages in a humorous exchange about femininity and a sculpture representing women. As the conversation unfolds, the Godmother subtly hints at wanting Fleabag to leave, leading to an uncomfortable tension between them. The scene blends dark humor with vulnerability, ending with the Godmother ushering Fleabag out while commenting on her appearance.
Strengths
  • Sharp dialogue
  • Complex character dynamics
  • Humorous yet reflective tone
Weaknesses
  • Limited plot progression
  • Low external conflict

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively balances humor with deeper emotional undertones, providing insight into Fleabag's complex relationships and inner struggles.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring femininity, self-image, and family dynamics through the interactions between Fleabag and her Godmother/Stepmother is well-developed and engaging.

Plot: 7

While the scene does not heavily focus on plot progression, it provides valuable insights into Fleabag's character and relationships, contributing to the overall narrative.

Originality: 9

The scene demonstrates a high level of originality through its fresh approach to family dynamics and gender roles, as well as the authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue. The writer's unique voice adds a layer of complexity and depth to the familiar themes.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The scene delves deep into Fleabag's character, as well as her dynamic with her Godmother/Stepmother, showcasing their complexities and vulnerabilities.

Character Changes: 7

Fleabag's character undergoes subtle changes as she navigates her interactions with her Godmother/Stepmother, revealing more layers of her personality.

Internal Goal: 8

Fleabag's internal goal in this scene is to maintain a facade of niceness and normalcy while dealing with her complicated feelings towards her Godmother/Stepmother. This reflects her deeper need for acceptance and connection, despite her sarcastic and cynical exterior.

External Goal: 7

Fleabag's external goal in this scene is to politely interact with her Godmother/Stepmother and leave without causing any conflict. This reflects the immediate challenge of navigating family relationships and social expectations.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 5

The conflict in the scene is more internal and emotional, focusing on Fleabag's struggles and relationships rather than external conflicts.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong but subtle, with underlying tensions and conflicting perspectives between Fleabag and her Godmother/Stepmother. The audience is left wondering how these differences will play out in future interactions.

High Stakes: 4

The stakes in the scene are more personal and emotional, focusing on Fleabag's internal struggles and relationships rather than high external stakes.

Story Forward: 6

While the scene does not significantly move the main plot forward, it provides crucial insights into Fleabag's character and relationships, enriching the overall narrative.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the shifting power dynamics between Fleabag and her Godmother/Stepmother, as well as the unexpected emotional revelations and conflicts. The audience is kept on their toes, unsure of how the interaction will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the clash between Fleabag's irreverent, cynical worldview and her Godmother/Stepmother's more idealistic and spiritual perspective. This challenges Fleabag's beliefs about femininity, power, and self-expression.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from humor to vulnerability, creating a strong emotional impact on the audience.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is sharp, witty, and revealing, adding depth to the characters and their relationships.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its sharp dialogue, dynamic character interactions, and underlying tension. The humor and emotional depth keep the audience invested in the unfolding drama.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by balancing moments of tension with humor and introspection. The gradual reveal of emotions and motivations keeps the audience engaged and invested in the characters' journey.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with proper scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting. The visual descriptions are concise and effective in setting the tone.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear character introductions, dialogue exchanges, and a gradual build-up of tension. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the scene's effectiveness.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the tension between Fleabag and her Godmother, showcasing their complicated relationship through humor and sarcasm. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtext to deepen the emotional stakes. While the humor is present, the underlying tension regarding Fleabag's state of mind and her relationship with her family could be more pronounced.
  • Fleabag's interaction with the sculpture is a clever metaphor for her feelings of inadequacy and the societal expectations placed on women. However, the dialogue surrounding the sculpture could be expanded to explore these themes further. The Godmother's explanation of the sculpture as a representation of 'subtle warriors' feels somewhat superficial and could be enriched with more personal anecdotes or insights that resonate with Fleabag's struggles.
  • The pacing of the scene is generally good, but the transition from light-hearted banter to the Godmother's concern for Fleabag feels abrupt. A smoother transition could enhance the emotional flow of the scene, allowing the audience to feel the weight of Fleabag's turmoil more acutely.
  • The Godmother's character comes across as somewhat one-dimensional. While she is portrayed as a well-meaning figure, adding layers to her character could create a more dynamic interaction. For instance, revealing her own insecurities or struggles could create a more relatable and complex relationship with Fleabag.
  • The ending of the scene, where the Godmother comments on Fleabag's appearance, is a strong moment that encapsulates their relationship. However, it could be more impactful if it were tied back to Fleabag's earlier self-deprecating remarks, reinforcing her internal conflict and the theme of self-image.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more subtext to the dialogue between Fleabag and her Godmother to highlight their emotional distance and the complexity of their relationship. This could involve Fleabag's reluctance to open up or the Godmother's attempts to connect that fall flat.
  • Expand on the metaphor of the sculpture to delve deeper into Fleabag's feelings of inadequacy and societal pressures. Perhaps Fleabag could share a personal story or a moment of vulnerability that relates to the sculpture's symbolism.
  • Smooth out the transition between the light-hearted banter and the Godmother's concern for Fleabag. This could involve a moment of silence or a shift in Fleabag's demeanor that signals her internal struggle more clearly.
  • Develop the Godmother's character further by giving her her own insecurities or struggles. This could create a more nuanced dynamic between her and Fleabag, allowing for a richer exploration of their relationship.
  • Tie the Godmother's final comment about Fleabag's appearance back to Fleabag's earlier self-perception. This could reinforce the theme of self-image and create a more resonant conclusion to the scene.



Scene 22 -  A Night in the Taxi
22 INT. TAXI. NIGHT. 22

Fleabag is in a taxi riding smoothly through London.
DRIVER
A cafe eh?
Episode 1 SHOOTING SCRIPT 02.03.15 27.


FLEABAG
Yup.
DRIVER
On your own?
FLEABAG
Kind of.
DRIVER
Kind of? Go on then!
FLEABAG
It’s kind of funny actually.
DRIVER
Good! It’ll keep me going! Shoot.
FLEABAG
I opened the cafe with my friend
Boo.
DRIVER
Cute name.
FLEABAG
Yeah. She’s dead now. She
accidentally killed herself. It
wasn’t her intention but it wasn’t
a total accident. She didn’t think
she’d actually die, she just found
out her boyfriend fucked someone
else and wanted to punish him by
ending up in hospital and not
letting him visit her for a bit.
She decided to walk into a busy
cycle lane, wanting to get tangled
in a bike, break a finger maybe.
But as it turns out bikes go fast
and flip you into the road. Three
people died.
(beat, she laughs)
She was such a dick.
He doesn’t know what to say. She laughs.
FLEABAG (CONT’D)
So yeah.. Kinda on my own.
He looks at her in the rear view mirror. She drunkenly, and
sadly smiles. He drives in on silence. Her coat falls open.
She only has her bra on underneath. She pulls out the little
tin sculpture of the woman with no arms. It sits on her lap.
Two women. One real. One not. Both with their innate
femininity out. End.
Genres: ["Drama","Dark Comedy"]

Summary In a London taxi at night, Fleabag shares a darkly humorous and tragic story about her deceased friend Boo with the surprised driver. As she recounts Boo's accidental death linked to a failed act of revenge, Fleabag reveals her own vulnerability and struggles with grief and loneliness. The scene captures a blend of dark humor and sadness, culminating in Fleabag holding a tin sculpture of a woman without arms, symbolizing her emotional state.
Strengths
  • Rich character development
  • Emotional depth
  • Dark humor
Weaknesses
  • Limited plot progression
  • Lack of external conflict

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively combines dark humor with poignant reflections on loss and loneliness, creating a compelling and emotionally resonant moment.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of using a taxi ride as a confessional space to explore themes of loss, loneliness, and dark humor is innovative and engaging.

Plot: 7

The plot progression in this scene focuses more on character development and emotional depth rather than advancing the overall story.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh approach to exploring grief and guilt through dark humor and candid dialogue. The authenticity of the characters' actions and emotions adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

Fleabag's character is richly developed, with layers of humor, sadness, and vulnerability. The taxi driver serves as a contrasting figure, providing a space for Fleabag to open up.

Character Changes: 7

Fleabag undergoes a subtle emotional transformation as she opens up about her past and confronts her inner demons.

Internal Goal: 8

Fleabag's internal goal in this scene is to cope with the loss of her friend Boo and the guilt she feels over her death. It reflects her deeper need for connection and understanding in the face of tragedy.

External Goal: 7

Fleabag's external goal is to navigate the awkward conversation with the taxi driver and find a way to express her emotions about Boo's death.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 5

The conflict in this scene is more internal, focusing on Fleabag's emotional turmoil and past experiences.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is subtle but present in the form of the taxi driver's discomfort and Fleabag's emotional vulnerability, creating a sense of unease and tension.

High Stakes: 4

The stakes in this scene are more personal and emotional, focusing on Fleabag's internal struggles and past traumas.

Story Forward: 6

While the scene doesn't significantly advance the main plot, it deepens our understanding of Fleabag's character and emotional journey.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected blend of humor and tragedy, keeping the audience on edge about Fleabag's emotional state.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the themes of guilt, grief, and the complexity of human relationships. Fleabag's dark humor and the taxi driver's discomfort highlight the clash between coping mechanisms and societal norms.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, delving into themes of loss and loneliness with a mix of dark humor and vulnerability.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is sharp, witty, and emotionally resonant, capturing Fleabag's unique voice and inner struggles.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the emotional depth of the characters, the dark humor, and the tension between Fleabag and the taxi driver.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and emotional resonance, allowing for moments of reflection and introspection.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and concise, following the expected format for a dialogue-heavy scene in a screenplay.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a traditional structure for character-driven dialogue scenes, allowing for a natural flow of emotions and interactions.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures Fleabag's dark humor and vulnerability, showcasing her coping mechanisms through storytelling. However, the abrupt transition from the previous scene to this one feels slightly jarring. The emotional weight of her interaction with her Godmother could be better reflected in her conversation with the taxi driver, creating a smoother narrative flow.
  • Fleabag's story about Boo is both tragic and absurd, which aligns with the show's tone. However, the pacing of the story could be improved. The punchline about Boo being a 'dick' feels rushed and could benefit from a more gradual build-up to enhance the comedic impact.
  • The visual elements, particularly the tin sculpture of the woman with no arms, serve as a poignant metaphor for Fleabag's emotional state. However, the significance of this sculpture could be more explicitly tied to her dialogue, allowing the audience to draw deeper connections between her story and her current feelings of isolation and loss.
  • The dialogue between Fleabag and the taxi driver is engaging, but the driver's responses could be more varied to reflect his discomfort and surprise at Fleabag's story. This would enhance the comedic tension and highlight the absurdity of the situation.
  • The scene ends on a somewhat ambiguous note, which can be effective, but it might leave the audience wanting more resolution. A brief moment of reflection from Fleabag after sharing her story could provide a stronger emotional closure, reinforcing her vulnerability.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment of silence after Fleabag shares her story to allow the weight of her words to sink in, both for her and the audience.
  • Expand on the taxi driver's reactions to Fleabag's story. This could include awkward laughter, disbelief, or even a moment of empathy, which would enhance the comedic and emotional layers of the scene.
  • Incorporate a line or two that connects the tin sculpture more explicitly to Fleabag's feelings about her relationship with Boo, perhaps reflecting on how she feels about femininity and loss.
  • Revisit the pacing of Fleabag's story about Boo. Allow for a more gradual build-up to the punchline to maximize its comedic effect.
  • Consider adding a final line or thought from Fleabag that encapsulates her emotional state, providing a clearer sense of her journey and leaving the audience with a poignant takeaway.