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Scene 1 - Hotel Shootout

Overall: 9.0
Concept: 8
Plot: 9
Characters: 8
Dialogue: 7

THE SILENCE OF THE LAMBS

by

Ted Tally

Based on the novel by

Thomas Harris

This screenplay has been converted to a PDF file by ScreenTalk™
http://www.screentalk.org
FADE IN:

INT. GRUBBY HOTEL CORRIDOR - DAY (DIMLY LIT)

A woman's face BACKS INTO SHOT, her head resting against
grimy wallpaper. She is tense, sweaty, wide-eyed with
concentration. This is CLARICE STARLING, mid-20's, trim,
very pretty. She wears Kevlar body armor over a navy
windbreaker, khaki pants. Her thick hair is piled under a
navy baseball cap. A revolver, clutched in her right hand,
hovers by her ear. She raises a speedloader, in her left
hand, locks it into her cylinder, twists and reloads.

CLOSE ON

A guest room door, with a small, wired pack attached to
its knob. Suddenly, wish a sharp CRACK!, the knob
explodes, and the door bursts open.

WITH CLARICE - MOVING SHOT

as she runs around a corner, through a cloud of smoke. She
shoulders aside the shattered door and rushes inside, gun
at the ready in both hands...

CUT TO:

INT. HOTEL ROOM - DAY

CLARICE'S POV - MOVING - as she first sees, sitting on the
edge of a bed - a FEMALE HOSTAGE. Black, late 20's,
gagged, hands behind her back. Then, SWIVELLING... she
sees a startled MALE SUSPECT, white, mid-20's, standing by
a window with a rifle in his hands. He is turning towards
her...

Clarice drops into a combat crouch, gun extended, and
shouts.

CLARICE
Freeze! FBI!

CLARICE'S POV - SLOW MOTION

all natural SOUND suspended - as the Suspect faces her
with a strange, pleading expression. The rifle is rising
in his hands, but oddly enough, it is held across his
chest, not pointing. Then another puzzling detail
registers...

THE SUSPECT'S HANDS

are taped to his gun, away from the trigger; he couldn't
use it even if he tried. Suddenly we hear a metallic
CLICK, which registers with unnatural amplification, as -
2.

Clarice reacts, drops to the floor, rolling sideways, and -

THE "HOSTAGE"

pulls a revolver out from behind her back, still in SLOW
MOTION, raising it in her untied hands. She fires
repeatedly, flames leaping from the muzzle; the SOUND is
an echoing roar in these close quarters, but -

Clarice has come up on one knee, beside an armchair, and
is already firing back herself, two quick SHOTS, which
send -

THE "HOSTAGE"

pitching over the bed, backwards, to shudder and lie still
in a haze of gunsmoke. Clarice rushes to her, clamping one
knee down on her gun hand, still keeping her covered in
case of movement. HOLD for a few beats... then we hear the
shrill blast of a WHISTLE from somewhere, off screen, as
normal ACTION and SOUND are restored.

BRIGHAM (O.S.)
Okay, people, good exercise...

Clarice relaxes, lowering her gun. The lights brighten.

PULLING BACK

we see that we're in some sort of auditorium, with the
"hotel room" and its "corridor" built as a training set.
JOHN BRIGHAM walks onto this set, thumbing a stopwatch.
Mid-40's, ex-Marine. His T-shirt's lettering says
"Firearms Instructor / FBI Academy."

BRIGHAM
Starling's reaction time was
excellent. Let's break. Critique in
five.

A class of about forty young FBI trainees, of both sexes,
begins to rise from their seats, mingling and chatting.

Clarice nods amiably to the "Suspect", then gives her
"Hostage" a hand up. It's ARDELIA MAPP, her roommate. Her
broad, clever face breaks into a big smile, as they both
remove ear plugs. Clarice's voice has just a soft trace of
southern accent.

ARDELIA
Damn, Clarice, how'd you make me?
3.

CLARICE
(indicating her gun)
Never cock. Just squeeze.

ARDELIA
(grins)
I love it when you talk dirty.

As Brigham joins them, Clarice can't resist a star pupil's
little smile of pride. He frowns good-naturedly.

BRIGHAM
What're you laughin' at, Junior G-Man?
She got off four rounds to your two.

He takes out a steel-coiled grip flexer, drops it onto her
palm.

BRIGHAM
(continuing)
One hundred reps, each hand, every
day. Now tidy up, the Section Chief
wants to see you.

He nods a direction, then moves off. Clarice, with her
smile finally fading, looks out into the auditorium.

SPECIAL AGENT JACK CRAWFORD

sits on the top step of the aisle, looking down at her. He
is 53, strongly built. He rises impassively, exits through
the back door. He carries a think manila envelope under
one arm.

Ardelia who is helping Clarice unbuckle her bullet-proof
vest, follows her worried gaze.

CLARICE
What'd I do?

ARDELIA
Stay cool. Just remember to call him
"God."

CUT TO:

Genres: ["Action","Thriller"]

Summary Clarice Starling engages in a tense shootout in a hotel room with a male suspect and a female hostage. She successfully disarms the suspect and neutralizes the threat.

Strengths "Tense action, strong female protagonist, clear stakes"

Weaknesses "Lack of dialogue, limited character development"

Critique Overall, the scene is well-written and engaging. The descriptions effectively set the tone and atmosphere of the scene. The action is clear and easy to visualize. The dialogue is natural and reveals character traits.

However, there are a few areas where the scene could be improved:

1. The opening description of Clarice could be more specific and vivid. Instead of simply stating that she is "very pretty," it would be more impactful to describe her features or give more details about her appearance.

2. The moment when Clarice sees the suspect and the hostage could be heightened for suspense. The description could include more sensory details to create a sense of tension and anticipation.

3. The dialogue between Clarice and Ardelia at the end of the scene feels slightly forced and cliché. It would be more effective if their exchange felt more natural and authentic to their characters.

4. The introduction of Special Agent Jack Crawford feels abrupt and somewhat disconnected from the rest of the scene. It could be smoother if there was more context or foreshadowing in earlier scenes.

Overall, the scene effectively sets up the action and introduces the main character, but there are some areas that could benefit from further development and refinement.

Suggestions Here are some suggestions for improving this scene:

1. Provide more clarity in the action descriptions: The action descriptions in this scene can be a bit confusing. Try to provide clearer, more concise descriptions of the characters' movements and actions. This will help the reader visualize the scene more easily.

2. Include more sensory details: Add more sensory details to help the reader fully immerse themselves in the scene. Describe the smells, sounds, and atmosphere of the grubby hotel corridor to create a more vivid setting.

3. Heighten the tension: Find ways to heighten the tension in the scene. Use suspenseful language and build up the anticipation as Clarice Starling approaches the room and encounters the suspects. This will make the scene more gripping for the reader.

4. Develop the characters: Give the reader a better sense of who these characters are. Show us more about Clarice Starling and her personality through her actions, dialogue, and internal thoughts. This will make her more relatable and engaging for the audience.

5. Pace the action: Vary the pacing of the action to keep the scene dynamic. Use short, fast-paced sentences during moments of intense action to create a sense of urgency. Slow down the pacing during quieter moments to provide contrast and allow the reader to catch their breath.

6. Clarify the purpose of the scene: Make sure the purpose of the scene is clear to the reader. Is it to introduce Clarice Starling as a capable and determined FBI agent? Is it to establish the dynamic between Clarice and her roommate? Clarify the goals of the scene and make sure they are effectively conveyed to the reader.

Overall, focus on creating a clear and engaging scene that effectively moves the story forward and captures the reader's attention.

Scene 2 - Clarice's Assignment

Overall: 8.0
Concept: 7
Plot: 8
Characters: 7
Dialogue: 6

EXT. FBI ACADEMY GROUNDS, QUANTICO, VIRGINIA - DAY

Crawford is watching a group of trainees on the firing
range, as Clarice joins him. He looks tired, haunted.
Between master and student, we sense a subtle, muted tug
of sexuality.
4.

CRAWFORD
Starling, Clarice M., good morning.

CLARICE
Good morning, Mr. Crawford.

CRAWFORD
Your instructors tell me you're doing
well. Top quarter of the class.

CLARICE
I hope so. They haven't posted
anything.

CRAWFORD
A job's come up and I thought about
you. Not really a job, more of - an
interesting errand. Walk me to my car,
Starling.

They begin to cross the academy grounds. A group of
trainees jogs by, in matching sweats, following a p.e.
coach.

CRAWFORD
(continuing)
We're trying to interview all of the
serial killers now in custody, for a
psychobehavioral profile. Could be a
big help in unsolved cases. Most of
them have been happy to talk to us.
They have a compulsion to boast, these
people... Do you spook easily,
Starling?

CLARICE
Not yet.

CRAWFORD
You see, the one we want most refuses
to cooperate. I want you to go after
him again today, in the asylum.

CLARICE
Who's the subject?

CRAWFORD
The psychiatrist - Dr. Hannibal Lecter.

Clarice stops walking, goes very still. A beat.

CLARICE
The cannibal...
5.

Crawford doesn't respond, except to study her face.

CLARICE
(continuing)
Yes, well... Okay, right. I'm glad for
the chance, sir, but - why me?

CRAWFORD
You're qualified and available. And
frankly, I can't spare a real agent
right now.

He walks on again, at a faster clip. She hurried to keep
up.

CRAWFORD
(continuing)
I don't expect him to talk to you, but
I have to be able to say we tried...
Lecter was a brilliant psychiatrist,
and he knows all the dodges.
(hands her the manila
envelope)
Dossier on him, copy of our
questionnaire, special ID for you...
If he won't talk, then I want straight
reporting. How's he look, how's his
cell look, what's he writing? The
Director himself will see your report,
over your own signature - if I decide
it's good enough. I want that by 0800
Wednesday, and keep this to yourself.

They're reached his car. His driver stamps on a cigarette,
climbs in behind the wheel. BURROUGHS, his assistant, says
something into a walkie-talkie, then opens the back door.
But Crawford pulls her aside, a hand on her shoulder. His
intensity is scary.

CRAWFORD
(continuing)
Now. I want your full attention,
Starling. Are you listening to me?

CLARICE
Yes sir.

CRAWFORD
Be very careful with Hannibal Lecter.
Dr. Chilton at the asylum will go over
the physical procedures used with him.
(more)
6.

CRAWFORD (cont'd)
Do not deviate from them, for any
reason. You tell him nothing personal,
Starling. Believe me, you don't want
Hannibal Lecter inside your head...
Just do your job, but never forget
what he is.

CLARICE
(a bit unnerved)
And what is that, sir?

CHILTON (V.O.)
Oh, he's a monster. A pure
psychopath...

CUT TO:

INT. CHILTON'S OFFICE - BALTIMORE STATE HOSPITAL FOR THE
CRIMINALLY INSANE - DAY

CLOSE ON an ID card held in a male hand. Clarice's photo,
official-looking graphics. It calls her a "Federal
Investigator."

CHILTON (O.S.)
It's so rare to capture one alive.
From a research point of view, Dr.
Lecter is our most prized asset...

DR. FREDERICK CHILTON looks up from her card. A smarmy
little peacock, behind a vast desk; he's conceived an
instant, hopeless letch for Clarice. He smiles, stroking
her card with his beloved gold pen.

CHILTON
You know, we get a lot of detectives
here, but I must say, I can't ever
remember one so attractive...

NEW ANGLE - REVEALS CLARICE

now wearing a more feminine skirt suit. Hair neatly
coiled, elegant shoulder bag, briefcase. He has rudely
left her standing.

CHILTON
Will you be in Baltimore overnight...?
Because this can be quite a fun town,
if you have the right guide.

Clarice tires, unsuccessfully, to hide her distaste for
him.
7.

CLARICE
I'm sure it's a great town, Dr.
Chilton, but my instructions are to
talk to Lecter and report back this
afternoon.

CHILTON
(pause, sourly)
I see.
(beat)
Let's make this quick, then. I'm busy.

CUT TO:

Genres: ["crime","thriller"]

Summary Clarice Starling is given the assignment to interview Dr. Hannibal Lecter, a notorious serial killer. She is warned about the dangers and given instructions to follow during the interview.

Strengths "The scene effectively establishes the main conflict of Clarice interviewing Hannibal Lecter. It also builds tension and intrigue around the character of Lecter. The scene moves the story forward by introducing the assignment and creating a sense of danger and urgency."

Weaknesses "The dialogue between Clarice and Crawford can feel slightly expositional at times. Some may find the flirtation from Dr. Chilton uncomfortable or unnecessary."

Critique Overall, this scene sets up the main conflict of the story and introduces important characters. It effectively establishes the FBI Academy as the setting, and the conversation between Crawford and Clarice reveals the task she is being assigned - to interview Dr. Hannibal Lecter.

The dialogue is well-written and provides necessary exposition while also giving insight into the characters' personalities and motivations. The tension and sexual undertones between Crawford and Clarice add depth to their relationship.

However, the scene could benefit from stronger visual descriptions and more specific details to make the setting and characters come alive. The use of more vivid language could enhance the atmosphere and engage the reader more fully. Additionally, pacing could be improved by breaking up some of the longer lines of dialogue into smaller, more manageable chunks.

Overall, this scene effectively sets up the central conflict and establishes the tone and dynamic between the characters. With stronger visual descriptions and sharper pacing, it could be even more engaging and immersive.

Suggestions Here are some suggestions to improve the scene:

1. Clarify the setting: In the first line, include a brief description of the FBI Academy grounds to help the reader visualize the location.

2. Provide a clearer description of Crawford's appearance: Instead of just saying he looks tired and haunted, give specific details about his physical appearance to better convey his state of mind.

3. Develop the subtle, muted tug of sexuality: Add more visual cues or dialogue to hint at the sexual tension between Crawford and Clarice. This could be subtle gestures, glances, or exchanges that suggest an underlying attraction.

4. Fix formatting and grammar errors: Some sections of the dialogue are not properly formatted. Make sure each line of dialogue begins with the character's name in all capital letters, followed by their spoken lines.

5. Add more specific dialogue: Instead of just saying Clarice hopes she is doing well, allow her to express confidence or acknowledge her own hard work. This will make her character more proactive and self-assured.

6. Make the conversation more dynamic: Add some back-and-forth exchanges between Crawford and Clarice to make the scene feel more engaging. This could be through clarifying questions, additional comments, or reactions from each character.

7. Include more visual cues and actions: In addition to the dialogue, include gestures, movements, or facial expressions to show the characters' emotions and reactions.

8. Build suspense and intrigue: When Crawford mentions the subject is Hannibal Lecter, create a more dramatic moment where Clarice reacts with shock or apprehension. This will make the audience more curious about the character and set up the conflict of the story.

9. Consider adding more descriptions of the characters: It is important to establish visual descriptions of characters early on in the script. Provide some details about their physical appearances, age, or clothing to help the readers visualize them.

10. Proofread for consistency: Check for any inconsistencies in names, formatting, or grammar to ensure the scene reads smoothly.

Scene 3 - Interview at the Asylum

Overall: 8.0
Concept: 7
Plot: 8
Characters: 9
Dialogue: 7

INT. ASYLUM CORRIDOR - UPPER FLOOR - DAY

Clarice flinches as a heavy steel gate CLANGS shut behind
her, the bolt shooting home. Chilton walks ahead of her.

CHILTON
Lecter carved up nine people - that
we're sure of - and cooked his
favorite bits. We've tried to study
him, of course - but he's much too
sophisticated for the standard tests.
And my, does he hate us! Thinks I'm
his nemesis... Crawford's very clever,
isn't he? Using you.

CLARICE
How do you mean, Dr. Chilton?

CHILTON
A pretty young woman, to turn him on?
I don't believe Lecter's ever seen a
woman in eight years. And oh, are you
ever his "taste" - so to speak.

CLARICE
I graduated magna from UVA, Doctor.
It's not a charm school.

CHILTON
Good. Then you should be able to
remember the rules.

CUT TO:

INT. DIFFERENT CORRIDOR - LOWER FLOOR - DAY

A darker, even grimmer area. Heavy grids over the lights.
Distant SLAMMINGS and faint, hoarse SHOUTS. They walk
briskly.
8.

CHILTON
Do not reach through the bars, do not
touch the bars. You pass him nothing
but soft paper - no pens or pencils.
No staples or paperclips in his paper.
Use the sliding food carrier, no
exceptions. Do not accept anything he
attempts to hold out to you. Do you
understand me?

CLARICE
I understand.

CHILTON
I'm going to show you why we insist on
such precautions... On the afternoon
of July 8, 1981, he complained of
chest pains and was taken to the
dispensary. His mouthpiece and
restraints were removed for an EKG.
When the nurse bent over him, he did
this to her...

He hands Clarice a small, dog-eared photo. Looking at it,
she is stopped in her tracks. This pleases Chilton.

CHILTON
(continuing)
The doctors managed to re-set her jaw,
more or less, and save one of her
eyes. His pulse never got over eighty-
five, even when he ate her tongue.
(pauses, he smiles)
I keep him in here.

He turns, pushes a button. A steel door BUZZES slowly
open, and BARNEY - a big, impassive orderly - awaits them
in an anteroom. On its walls: restraints, mouthpieces,
Mace, tranquilizer guns.

CLARICE
(quickly blocking him)
Dr. Chilton - if Lecter feels you're
his enemy - as you've said - them
maybe I'll have more luck by myself.
What do you think?

CHILTON
(annoyed)
You might have suggested that in my
office, and saved me the time.
9.

CLARICE
But then I would've missed the
pleasure of your company.

She holds out the photo. A beat. He grabs it, jaw
twitching.

CHILTON
When she's finished, bring her out.

He turns on his heel, goes. Barney smiles reassuringly.

BARNEY
Hi, I'm Barney. He told you, don't get
near the bars?

CLARICE
(shaking his hand)
Clarice Starling. Yes, he did.

BARNEY
Okay. Past the others, it's the last
cell. Stay to the middle. I put out a
chair for you.

Sensing her tension, he indicates a nearby security
monitor.

BARNEY
(continuing)
I'm watching. You'll do fine.

Clarice nods gratefully. She looks down the long corridor,
takes a deep breath, walks into it. He watches her go.

CUT TO:

Genres: ["Thriller","Crime"]

Summary Clarice Starling prepares to interview Dr. Hannibal Lecter at the asylum, following a tense shootout. She is given strict instructions and warned about the dangers of interacting with him.

Strengths "Tense atmosphere, suspenseful setup, clear character development"

Weaknesses "Some dialogue feels clich\u00e9"

Critique This scene does a good job of establishing the atmosphere and tension of the asylum. The dialogue between Clarice and Chilton reveals important information about Lecter and his past actions, setting up the audience's expectations for what they might encounter inside the asylum. The dialogue also provides some characterization of Chilton as manipulative and calculating.

One suggestion to improve this scene would be to show more of Clarice's emotional reaction to the photo Chilton shows her. Right now, it is simply mentioned that she is "stopped in her tracks," but it would be more powerful to see her visceral response, such as her facial expression or body language. This would further emphasize the disturbing nature of Lecter's actions and the impact they have on those who witness them.

Additionally, the scene could benefit from some more visual description to enhance the setting and atmosphere. For example, describing the sounds and smells of the asylum corridor, or the dim lighting and decaying nature of the lower floor, would help immerse the audience in the environment and make it even more eerie and unsettling.

Overall, this scene effectively sets up the suspense and horror elements of the story, but could be further enhanced with more attention to visual details and character reactions.

Suggestions Here are some suggestions to improve the scene:

1. Show Clarice's physical reaction: Instead of just saying she flinches when the heavy steel gate clanks shut, describe her reaction in more detail. Does she jump or visibly startle? This will help to convey her unease and build tension in the scene.

2. Develop Chilton's character: Currently, Chilton comes across as a one-dimensional antagonist. Consider adding more depth to his character by revealing his motivations or giving him more specific actions to illustrate his manipulative nature.

3. Make the dialogue more natural: Some of the dialogue feels a bit expositional and could be reworked to sound more authentic. For example, instead of Chilton saying "Thinks I’m his nemesis... Crawford's very clever, isn't he? Using you," consider rewriting it to sound more natural and subtle.

4. Use visual cues to enhance the setting: Instead of telling the reader that the area is darker and grimmer in the lower floor corridor, show it through vivid description. Explore the use of lighting, shadows, and atmospheric details to create a more immersive visual experience.

5. Show Clarice's reaction to the photo: Rather than just saying that Clarice is stopped in her tracks when she sees the photo, delve deeper into her emotional response. How does the photo affect her? Does she show anger, sadness, or determination?

6. Add more sensory details: Use sensory language to engage the reader's senses. Describe the sounds of the slammins and shouts in the background or the smell of disinfectant in the anteroom. This will make the scene more vivid and immersive.

7. Show Clarice's internal conflict: Clarice's question to Chilton about going in alone presents an interesting opportunity to explore her character and her internal conflict. Show her hesitation, mixed with determination, as she considers taking on this dangerous task by herself.

8. Build tension through pacing: As Clarice walks down the long corridor towards Lecter's cell, consider adding more details to heighten the suspense and create a sense of anticipation. Use shorter sentences and paragraphs to increase the pace and create a feeling of urgency.

Overall, focus on enhancing character development, adding visual and sensory details, and maximizing the tension and suspense in the scene.

Scene 4 - Clarice Interviews Dr. Hannibal Lecter

Overall: 8.0
Concept: 7
Plot: 9
Characters: 8
Dialogue: 9

INT. DR. LECTER'S CORRIDOR - DAY

MOVING SHOT - with Clarice, as her footsteps ECHO. High to
her right, surveillance cameras. On her left, cells. Some
are padded, with narrow observation slits, others are
normal, barred... Shadowy occupants pacing, MUTTERING...
Suddenly a dark figure in the next-to-last cell hurtles
towards her, his face mashing grotesquely against his bars
as he hisses.

DARK FIGURE
I c-can sssmell your cunt!

Clarice flinches momentarily, but then walks on.
10.

DR. LECTER'S CELL

is coming slowly INTO VIEW... Behind its barred front wall
is a second barrier of stout nylon net... Sparse, bolted-
down furniture, many softcover books and papers. On the
walls, extraordinarily detailed, skillful drawings, mostly
European cityscapes, in charcoal or crayon.

Clarice stops, at a police distance from his bars, clears
her throat.

CLARICE
Dr. Lecter... My name is Clarice
Starling. May I talk with you?

Dr. Hannibal Lecter is lounging on his bunk, in white
pajamas, reading an Italian Vogue. He turns, considers
her... A face so long out of the sun, it seems almost
leached - except for the glittering eyes, and the wet red
mouth. He rises smoothly, crossing to stand before her;
the gracious host. His voice is cultured, soft.

DR. LECTER
Good morning.

CUTTING BETWEEN THEM

as Clarice comes a measured distance closer.

CLARICE
Doctor, we have a hard problem in
psychological profiling. I want to ask
for your help with a questionnaire.

DR. LECTER
"We" being the Behavioral Science
Unit, at Quantico. You're one of Jack
Crawford's, I expect.

CLARICE
I am, yes.

DR. LECTER
May I see your credentials?

Clarice is surprised, but fishes her ID card from her bag,
holds it up for his inspection. He smiles, soothingly.

DR. LECTER
(continuing)
Closer, please... clo-ser...
11.

She complies each time, trying to hide her fear. Dr.
Lecter's nostrils lift, as he gently, like an animal,
tests the air. Then he smiles, glancing at her card.

DR. LECTER
(continuing)
That expires in one week. You're not
real FBI, are you?

CLARICE
I'm - still in training at the Academy.

DR. LECTER
Jack Crawford sent a trainee to me?

CLARICE
We're talking about psychology,
Doctor, not the Bureau. Can you decide
for yourself whether or not I'm
qualified?

DR. LECTER
Mmmmm... That's rather slippery of
you, Officer Starling. Sit. Please.

She sits in the folding metal desk-chair. He waits
politely till she's settled, then sits down himself, faces
her happily.

DR. LECTER
(continuing)
Now then. What did Miggs say to you?
(she is puzzled)
"Multiple Miggs," in the next cell. He
hissed at you. What did he say?

CLARICE
He said - "I can smell your cunt."

DR. LECTER
I see. I myself cannot. You use Evyan
skin cream, and sometimes you wear
L'Air du Temps, but not today. You
brought your best bag, though, didn't
you?

CLARICE
(beat)
Yes.

DR. LECTER
It's much better than your shoes.
12.

CLARICE
Maybe they'll catch up.

DR. LECTER
I have no doubt of it.

CLARICE
(shifting
uncomfortably)
Did you do those drawings, Doctor?

DR. LECTER
Yes. That's the Duomo, seen from the
Belvedere. Do you know Florence?

CLARICE
All that detail, just from memory...?

DR. LECTER
Memory, Officer Starling, is what I
have instead of view.

A pause, then Clarice takes the questionnaire from her
case.

CLARICE
Dr. Lecter, if you'd please consider -

DR. LECTER
No, no, no. You were doing fine, you'd
been courteous and receptive to
courtesy, you'd established trust with
the embarrassing truth about Miggs,
and now this ham-handed segue into
your questionnaire. It won't do. It's
stupid and boring.

CLARICE
I'm only asking you to look at this,
Doctor. Either you will or you won't.

DR. LECTER
Jack Crawford must be very busy indeed
if he's recruiting help from the
student body. Busy hunting that new
one, Buffalo Bill... Such a naughty
boy! Did Crawford send you to ask for
my advice on him?

CLARICE
No, I came because we need -
13.

DR. LECTER
How many women has he used, our Bill?

CLARICE
Five... so far.

DR. LECTER
All flayed...?

CLARICE
Partially, yes. But Doctor, that's an
active case, I'm not involved. If -

DR. LECTER
Do you know why he's called Buffalo
Bill? Tell me. The newspapers won't
say.

CLARICE
I'll tell you if you'll look at this
form.
(he considers, then
nods)
It started as a bad joke in Kansas
City Homicide. They said... this one
likes to skin his humps.

DR. LECTER
Witless and misleading. Why do you
think he takes their skins, Officer
Starling? Thrill me with your wisdom.

CLARICE
It excites him. Most serial killers
keep some sort of trophies.

DR. LECTER
I didn't.

CLARICE
No. You ate yours.

A tense beat, then a smile from him, at this small
boldness.

DR. LECTER
Send that through.

She rolls him the questionnaire, in his sliding food tray.
He rises, glances at it, turning a page or two
disdainfully.
14.

DR. LECTER
(continuing)
Oh, Officer Starling... do you think
you can dissect me with this blunt
little tool?

CLARICE
No. I only hoped that your knowledge -

Suddenly he whips the tray back at her, with a metallic
CLANG that makes her start. His voice remains a pleasant
purr.

DR. LECTER
You're sooo ambitious, aren't you...?
You know what you look like to me,
with your good bag and your cheap
shoes? You look like a rube. A well-
scrubbed, hustling rube with a little
taste... Good nutrition has given you
some length of bone, but you're not
more than one generation from poor
white trash, are you Officer
Starling...? That accent you're trying
so desperately to shed - pure West
Virginia. What was your father, dear?
Was he a coal miner? Did he stink of
the lamp...? And oh, how quickly the
boys found you! All those tedious,
sticky fumblings, in the back seats of
cars, while you could only dream of
getting out. Getting anywhere -yes?
Getting all the way - to the F...B...I.

His every word has struck her like a tiny, precise dart.
But she squares her jaw and won't give ground.

CLARICE
You see a lot, Dr. Lecter. But are you
strong enough to point that high-
powered perception at yourself? How
about it...? Look at yourself and
write down the truth.
(she slams the tray
back at him)
Or maybe you're afraid to.

DR. LECTER
You're a tough one, aren't you?

CLARICE
Reasonably so. Yes.
15.

DR. LECTER
And you'd hate to think you were
common. My, wouldn't that sting! Well
you're far from common, Officer
Starling. All you have is the fear of
it.
(beat)
Now please excuse me. Good day.

CLARICE
And the questionnaire...?

DR. LECTER
A census taker once tried to test me.
I ate his liver with some fava beans
and a nice chianti... Fly back to
school, little Starling.

He steps backwards, then returns to his cot, becoming as
still and remote as a statue. Frustrated, Clarice
hesitates, then finally shoulders her bag and goes,
leaving the questionnaire in his tray. But after just a
few steps, as she passes -

MIGG'S CELL

She sees that creature at his bars again, hissing at her.

MIGGS
I b-bit my wrist so I c-can diiiieeee!
S-ee how it bleeeeeeeeds?

The dark figure suddenly flings his palm towards her, and -

CLARICE

is spattered on the face and neck - not with blood, but
with pale droplets of semen. She gives a little cry,
touching her fingers to the wetness. Stunned, near tears,
she forces herself to straighten up and walk on, fumbling
for a tissue. From behind her, Dr. Lecter calls out, very
agitated.

DR. LECTER (O.S.)
Officer Starling... Officer Starling!

Clarice slows, stops. She shudders, but makes the very
difficult choice to turn, walk back, stand again in front
of -
16.

DR. LECTER
Who's shivering with rage. For an
instant his face opens, and we catch
a glimpse into hell itself. Then he's
composed again.

DR. LECTER
(continuing)
I would not have had that happen to
you. Discourtesy is - unspeakably ugly
to me.

CLARICE
Then please - do this test for me.

DR. LECTER
No. But I will make you happy... I'll
give you a chance for what you love
most, Clarice Starling.

CLARICE
What's that, Dr. Lecter?

DR. LECTER
Advancement, of course.
(beat)
Go to Split City. See Miss Mofet, an
old patient of mine. M-O-F-E-T... Now
go. Go.
(a smile)
I don't think Miggs could manage again
so soon, even if he is crazy - do you?

CUT TO:

Genres: ["Thriller","Crime","Drama"]

Summary Clarice Starling interviews Dr. Hannibal Lecter at the asylum after a tense shootout. She presents a questionnaire and seeks his help with psychological profiling. Dr. Lecter challenges her and engages in a psychological game, making personal remarks about Clarice's background and appearance. In the end, he refuses to take the questionnaire but offers her a chance for advancement.

Strengths "Tense dialogue between Clarice and Dr. Lecter, psychological game, character development"

Weaknesses "Some parts may be too dialog-heavy, lack of physical action"

Critique Overall, this scene is well-written and effectively establishes the atmosphere and tension within the prison. However, there are a few areas for improvement:

1. The dialogue feels somewhat repetitive in terms of the characters introducing themselves and establishing their roles. Consider condensing some of the dialogue to make it more concise and impactful.

2. The description of the characters' actions and emotions could be enhanced to create a more visual and immersive experience for the reader. For example, instead of simply stating that Clarice "flinches momentarily," provide more sensory details to emphasize her reaction.

3. While the dialogue between Clarice and Dr. Lecter is engaging and adds depth to their characters, there are instances where it becomes a bit melodramatic or overwritten. Consider trimming down some of the dialogue to make it more natural and believable.

Overall, this scene effectively captures the unsettling atmosphere of the prison and introduces the dynamic between Clarice and Dr. Lecter. With a few adjustments to the dialogue and description, it could be even more compelling.

Suggestions Here are a few suggestions to improve the scene:

1. Character Development: Explore Clarice's reaction to the dark figure in the cell more. Show her internal conflict and how it affects her. This will help the audience understand her character better.

2. Dialogue: Consider adding more tension and conflict between Clarice and Dr. Lecter. Increase the stakes and disagreement between them to make the scene more engaging.

3. Visual Imagery: Use more vivid descriptions to create a strong visual image of the surroundings and the characters. This will make the scene more visually appealing and immersive for the audience.

4. Pacing: Adjust the pacing of the scene to create a better flow. You can do this by breaking up some of the dialogue paragraphs into smaller, more concise exchanges.

5. Conflict Resolution: Add a resolution to the conflict between Clarice and Dr. Lecter. This could be a moment where they find common ground or a compromise, which will add depth to their relationship and create a more satisfying conclusion to the scene.

These suggestions will help enhance the scene's impact and make it more engaging for the audience.

Scene 5 - Confrontation and Reflection

Overall: 8.0
Concept: 7
Plot: 8
Characters: 9
Dialogue: 7

EXT. THE HOSPITAL - PARKING LOT - DAY

The grim gothic pile of the asylum looms overhead as
Clarice rushes out the front doors. She is badly shaken,
almost stumbling, as she rubs at her face. She looks
around for, and finally, with some relief, spots -

HER CAR

an old Pinto, parked nearby. This image begins to BLUR...

CLOSE ON

her face, fighting tears, as the CAMERA begins to WHIRL
AROUND her, almost dizzily. She is seeing, in her mind's
eye -
17.

IN FLASHBACK

a screen door banging open, on a wooden porch, and a 10-
year old girl - the young Clarice - rushing outside, down
the front steps, and running joyfully across her front
yard to -

MOVING ANGLE - THE GIRL'S POV

a car - late 60's vintage - parked in the dirt road. A
MAN, Clarice's father, is just climbing out. He's tall,
handsome, and has a marshal's badge pinned on his dark
suit. He grins, seeing her, and spreads his arms wide as...

THE YOUNG CLARICE

rushes into them, and he sweeps her up in a hug, spinning
her around, the CAMERA SPINNING with them, and capturing
both their laughing faces, before we abruptly return to -

THE ADULT CLARICE

alone in the parking lot, sagging against her car. Her
face is buried in her arms, she shoulders shaking. SOUND
UPCUT - a steady, rapid series of GUNSHOTS, as we

CUT TO:

INT. FBI ACADEMY FIRING RANGE - DAY

Clarice, in a combat stance, and wearing a sound-muffling
headset, is squeezing off ROUND after ROUND at

A MOVING TARGET

The sillouette of a man, approaching along a track. Her
shots, tightly grouped, are all finding the center chest.
The target stops, quite close to her, still swaying.

Clarice stares at it, deftly working her speedloader. Then
she puts a final, emphatic shot right through THE FIGURE'S
FOREHEAD.

CUT TO:

INT. FBI ACADEMY LIBRARY - NIGHT

CLOSE ON a microfilm monitor - a grainy newsphoto of Dr.
Lecter, scrawling past, with an accompanying story ("New
Horrors in Cannibal Trial"), dated 1980.

Clarice is punching keys on the terminal. Other trainees
study at nearby tables.
18.

She pauses, jotting a note on her pad, as Ardelia comes
by, carrying an armful of books.

ARDELIA
Phone call, Clarice. It's God.

CLARICE
Thanks, Ardelia.

MOVING ANGLE

as Clarice rises, grabbing her notebook, and follows
Ardelia past high metal bookstacks.

ARDELIA
You missed Fourth Amendment law.
Unlawful seizure, real juicy stuff.
Where were you all afternoon?

CLARICE
Pleading with a crazy man, with come
all over my face.

Ardelia stares at her, figures it's a put-on, laughs.

ARDELIA
Damn. Wish I had time for a social
life.

Clarice grins, as Ardelia indicates a phone receiver
resting on the check-out desk, then moves on. Clarice
picks it up.

CLARICE
(on phone)
Mr. Crawford?

CUT TO:

Genres: ["Thriller","Drama"]

Summary Clarice Starling, emotionally shaken after a tense confrontation with Dr. Hannibal Lecter, seeks solace in her car and reminisces about a happy childhood memory. She then exhibits exceptional shooting skills in a shootout exercise at the FBI academy and does research on Dr. Lecter in the library. Ardelia interrupts her to inform her of a phone call from Mr. Crawford.

Strengths "Tense atmosphere, emotional depth, character development"

Weaknesses "Some dialogue could be more impactful"

Critique Overall, the scene is well-written and effectively conveys the emotional state of the character Clarice. The use of flashback adds depth and context to her present state of mind. The imagery and camera movements help to create a sense of unease and dizziness, mirroring Clarice's mental and emotional state. The transitions between the different locations are clear and smooth.

One suggestion for improvement would be to provide more specific details about the grim gothic pile of the asylum. This would help to paint a clearer picture in the reader's mind and enhance the atmosphere of the scene.

In terms of character development, the flashback sequence does a good job of establishing Clarice's relationship with her father and providing insight into her past. However, it might be beneficial to provide more information about her father's occupation as a marshal and how it has influenced her life and career choice as an FBI agent.

Overall, the scene effectively sets up the emotional journey that Clarice is going through and leaves the reader wanting to know more about her story.

Suggestions Here are some suggestions to improve the scene:

1. Clarify the location: Provide some more details about the hospital and the parking lot to set the tone and atmosphere of the scene. Describe any specific architectural details or unique features that make the asylum appear even more eerie and intimidating.

2. Develop Clarice's emotional state: Show more of Clarice's emotions as she rushes out of the hospital. Instead of just stating that she is badly shaken, describe her physical reactions, like trembling hands or a racing heart. This will help the audience empathize with her.

3. Add depth to the flashback: Provide more context for the flashback scene. Why is the young Clarice rushing outside? Is there a specific reason that she is running joyfully toward her father's car? This will add depth to her character and create a stronger emotional connection with the audience.

4. Enhance the transition between flashback and present: Instead of abruptly returning to the adult Clarice in the parking lot, consider using a visual or auditory cue to smoothly transition between the past and present. This could be a sound, object, or gesture that triggers the flashback or brings Clarice back to reality.

5. Show the impact of the gunshots: Instead of just mentioning the sound of gunshots, describe the impact they have on Clarice in the moment. Does she flinch or have a physical reaction? This will help convey her lingering trauma and the weight of her experiences.

6. Provide more context in the FBI Academy scenes: Clarify what training exercise Clarice is participating in at the firing range. Describe the purpose and significance of the exercise, and how it relates to her character development or the overall story.

7. Deepen the conversation between Clarice and Ardelia: Instead of just a brief exchange about a phone call, use this opportunity to explore their relationship and provide more insight into Clarice's personal life. This can be done through deeper dialogue or additional actions that reveal more about Clarice's character.

8. Revise the dialogue: Consider making the dialogue more natural and authentic, with each character speaking in a distinct voice. Add more subtext and subplots to make the conversation more engaging and compelling for the audience.

Scene 6 - Investigating Leads

Overall: 9.0
Concept: 8
Plot: 9
Characters: 9
Dialogue: 8

INT. CRAWFORD'S HOUSE - STUDY - NIGHT

Crawford, in a cardigan, sits in a wing chair in the book-
lined study of his suburban home. He turns the pages of
Clarice's memo as they talk. His tone is sharp.

CRAWFORD
I've read your interim memo on Lecter.
You sure you've left nothing out?
19.

INTERCUTTING

CLARICE
It's all there, sir, practically
verbatim.

CRAWFORD
Every word, Starling? Every gesture?

CLARICE
(a bit heatedly)
Right down to the kleenex I used.
(he is silent)
Sir, why? Is something wrong?

CRAWFORD
He mentioned a name, at the very end.
"Mofet..." Any followup on her?

CLARICE
I spent all evening on the mainframe.
Lecter altered or destroyed most of
his patient histories, prior to
capture. No record of anyone named
Mofet. But "Split City" sounded like
it might have have something to do
with divorce. I tracked it down in the
library's catalogue of national yellow
pages.
(glancing at her
notes)
It's a mini-storage facility outside
Baltimore, where Lecter had his
practice.

She pauses, expecting some soft of approval for her
cleverness.

CRAWFORD
Well? Why aren't you there right now?

CLARICE
Sir, that's a field job. It's outside
the scope of my assignment. And I've
got a test tomorrow on -

CRAWFORD
Do you recall my instructions to you,
Starling? What were they?

CLARICE
To complete and file my report by 0800
Wednesday. But sir -
20.

CRAWFORD
Then do that, Starling. Do just
exactly that.

CLARICE
Sir, what is it? There's something
you're not telling me.

CRAWFORD
(beat)
Miggs has been murdered.

CLARICE
(startled, upset)
Murdered...? How?

CRAWFORD
The orderly heard Lecter whispering to
him, all afternoon, and Miggs crying.
They found him at bed check. He'd
swallowed his own tongue... Chilton is
scared stiff the family will file a
civil rights lawsuit, and he's trying
to blame it on you. I told the little
prick your conduct was flawless.
(beat)
Starling...?

CLARICE
I'm here, sir, I just - I don't know
how to feel about it.

CRAWFORD
You don't have to feel any way about
it. Lecter did it to amuse himself.
Why not, what can they do? Take away
his books for awhile, and no jello...
(a bit softer)
I know it got ugly today. But this is
your report, Starling - take it as far
as you can. On your own time, outside
of class. Now carry on.

ANGLE ON CLARICE

as we hear the loud CLICK of Crawford hanging up. She
stares at her receiver, stung by his abruptness.

CLARICE
Well God damn it! You old creep.
Creepo son of a bitch. Let Miggs
squirt you and see how you like it.
21.

She slams her receiver into its cradle.

ANGLE ON CRAWFORD

as he flips aside her memo, then rises, wearily. He leaves
his study, flicking off the lamp, and pads away in his
slippers.

CUT TO:

INT. CRAWFORD'S BEDROOM - NIGHT

A private nurse, in white, stands marking a clipboard
chart, as Crawford enters his tidy bedroom.

CRAWFORD
I'll take over, Patricia. You get some
rest.

The nurse nods, hands him the chart, and goes. He glances
at it, then sets it aside. He crosses to -

BELLA CRAWFORD

who lies in an elevated hospital bed. Nearby are an oxygen
tank and mask, floral arrangements. Her breathing is
shallow, very labored. Crawford looks down at his comatose
wife for a long moment, tenderly brushes a strand of her
hair back into place, then bends over to kiss her
forehead. SOUND UPCUT - THUNDER and RAIN...

DISSOLVE TO:

EXT. "SPLIT CITY MINI-STORAGE" - DUSK (RAINING)

An orange neon sign, streaked with rain, identifies out
location. It looms over a hurricane fence, topped with
barbed wire. Inside, row on row of garage-sized,
cinderblock sheds.

MR. YOW (V.O.)
Unit 31 was leased for ten years. Pre-
paid in full... The contract is in the
name of "Miss Hester Mofet."

CUT TO:

Genres: ["Thriller","Crime"]

Summary Clarice receives instructions from her superior, Mr. Crawford, about her report on Dr. Lecter. She discovers a potential lead on a name mentioned by Lecter and shares her findings with Crawford. They discuss the murder of an inmate by Lecter, and Crawford urges Clarice to continue her investigation. The scene ends with preparations to investigate a new lead.

Strengths

Tense and dramatic dialogue
Reveals personal struggles of characters
Sets up a new lead for investigation

Weaknesses

Some repetitive dialogue

Critique Overall, this scene effectively conveys important information and progresses the plot. However, there are a few areas where it can be improved.

First, the description of the setting and characters could be more vivid. Instead of simply stating that Crawford is sitting in a wing chair in a book-lined study, it would be more engaging to describe the specific details of the room and how it reflects his character. Similarly, adding more visual details to describe Crawford's appearance and mannerisms would help the reader visualize the scene better.

In terms of dialogue, the conversation between Crawford and Clarice feels a bit stiff and unnatural at times. The tone of their conversation could benefit from more nuance and emotional depth, particularly during the exchange where Crawford reveals that Miggs has been murdered. This is a significant turning point in the scene and it should be conveyed with more impact. Additionally, the dialogue itself can be tightened to make it more concise and to the point.

Finally, the scene could benefit from more sensory details and visual cues to enhance the atmosphere. For instance, describing the sounds of rain and thunder outside the house or the feeling of tension in the room during the phone call would add depth to the scene.

Overall, while the scene effectively delivers necessary information, it could benefit from more vivid description, improved dialogue, and enhanced sensory details to create a more engaging and impactful experience for the reader.

Suggestions Here are a few suggestions to improve the scene:

1. Develop the setting: Add more description to the study to set the tone and atmosphere. For example, you can mention the dim lighting, the smell of old books, or the sound of a ticking clock to create a sense of tension and suspense.

2. Show emotions: Instead of simply stating that Clarice is "a bit heatedly" or "startled, upset," show her emotions through her actions and body language. For example, you can have her clenched fists or her voice trembling to convey her frustration and shock.

3. Increase dialogue tension: Add more conflict to the conversation between Crawford and Clarice. Allow them to have differing opinions or goals to create more tension and a sense of urgency.

4. Pacing: Consider tightening the dialogue and removing any unnecessary repetition. For example, instead of hearing Clarice repeat Crawford's instructions, you can have her interrupt him and say, "But sir, there was something else I wanted to discuss."

5. Character development: Explore Crawford's character more by showing his reaction to the news of Miggs' murder. You can have him show a moment of vulnerability or frustration, which can add depth to his character.

Overall, focus on enhancing the emotional impact of the scene and creating a stronger sense of suspense and urgency.

Scene 7 - Investigating the Storage Unit

Overall: 9.0
Concept: 8
Plot: 9
Characters: 7
Dialogue: 8

EXT. STORAGE UNIT NUMBER 31 - DUSK

Clarice, kneeling before a closed, roll-up metal door,
takes a FLASH photo of its sealed padlock. EVERETT YOW, a
fat, 60ish Chinaman, holds an umbrella over them both. He
looks unhappy.
22.

CLARICE
So no one's been in here since - 1980?

She opens the padlock, using a fat ring of tagged keys,
then sets aside both keys and lock.

MR. YOW
Not to my knowledge. Privacy is a
great concern to my customers. But, if
you say this is an FBI matter...

CLARICE
I won't disturb anything, Mr. Yow, I
promise. Be gone before you know it.

Slinging her camera over a shoulder, she tugs at the
handle, but the door won't budge. Another tug, harder - no
good. Mr. Yow stoops to help, puffing hard, but it's
firmly stuck. He sighs.

MR. YOW
We could return tomorrow, with my son.
Or perhaps some workmen...?

Clarice crosses to her Pinto, which faces the shed,
reaches in to turn on her headlights. Mr. Yow blinks in
the sudden brightness. Then she opens her truck, rummaging
inside, and returns with a bumper jack, a flashlight, and
a rubber floor mat.

CLARICE
Would you hold these, please?

She gives him her flashlight and camera, drops the mat on
the ground, then sets the bumper jack in place, under the
center of the door. She pumps on the jack handle as the
door SQUEALS slowly up, but it won't go higher than about
18 inches, despite all her exertions. She spreads out the
rubber mat on the cement, takes the flashlight from Mr.
Yow, then lies on the mat.

CUT TO:

INT. THE STORAGE SHED - DUSK (VERY DARK)

Clarice, backlit, peers under the door. She reaches in,
makes a sweep with her flashlight. We catch shadowy
outlines - boxes, then the flattened tires of a car...
SOUND of rain on the tin roof, and other noises, too -
small RUSTLINGS. Mr. Yow's chubby face appears down beside
Clarice's.
23.

MR. YOW
It smells like mice... I think I hear
them, too - don't you?

Clarice turns onto her back, starts squirming under the
door.

MR. YOW
(continuing)
You're going in there?

CUT BACK TO:

EXT. STORAGE UNIT NUMBER 31 - DUSK

Clarice pulls her head back out again, reaching to take
her camera from him. She hands him a card, trying to
appear nonchalant.

CLARICE
Mr. Yow, if this door should fall
down -ha ha! - or anything else -
would you be kind enough to call this
number? It's our Baltimore field
office. They know you're here with
me... Do you understand?

MR. YOW
Might I suggest tucking your pants
into your socks? To prevent mouse
intrusion.

CLARICE
(beat)
Good idea.

CUT BACK TO:

Genres: ["Crime","Thriller"]

Summary Clarice and Mr. Yow attempt to enter a storage unit, finding evidence and encountering unsettling sounds.

Strengths "The scene effectively builds tension and mystery as Clarice enters the storage unit."

Weaknesses "The dialogue could be more dynamic and reveal more about the characters."

Critique Overall, the scene is well-written and effectively sets up a sense of mystery and anticipation. The dialogue is natural and helps to develop the characters. However, there are a few areas that could be improved upon:

1. Description: While the scene provides some visual description, it could benefit from more detailed and vivid language. This would help to enhance the atmosphere and make the setting come alive for the reader.

2. Pacing: The dialogue is somewhat exposition-heavy, which slows down the pace of the scene. Consider finding ways to convey information more organically, perhaps through action or visual cues.

3. Characterization: While the characters of Clarice and Mr. Yow are interesting, their motivations and emotions could be further explored. This would add depth and complexity to their interactions and make them more compelling for the audience.

4. Climax: The scene builds suspense effectively, but it would benefit from a stronger climax or payoff. Consider adding a twist or revelation that adds a new layer of intrigue to the story.

Overall, with some refinement and attention to these areas, the scene has the potential to be a strong and engaging part of the screenplay.

Suggestions Here are some suggestions to improve the scene:

1. Clarify the purpose of the scene: It would be helpful to establish why Clarice is at the storage unit and what she hopes to find or accomplish there. This will provide more context and make the scene more engaging for the audience.

2. Add more details to the setting: Describe the storage unit in more detail to create a vivid and atmospheric backdrop for the scene. Include sensory details like the smell of rain on the tin roof, the sound of the wind, etc.

3. Build tension and suspense: Increase the tension by adding more obstacles for Clarice to overcome. For example, instead of the door simply being stuck, make it jammed shut and require even more effort for Clarice to open it. This will make the audience more invested in whether she will succeed or not.

4. Develop the relationship between Clarice and Mr. Yow: Clarice and Mr. Yow have a brief interaction in the scene, but there is potential to delve deeper into their dynamic. Develop their relationship by adding dialogue or actions that show their mutual trust or distrust, or any history they may have.

5. Increase the stakes: Raise the stakes by adding a consequence if Clarice fails to open the storage unit or if they get caught. This will make the audience more engaged and invested in the outcome of the scene.

6. Use visual imagery: Enhance the imagery in the scene by describing the items inside the storage unit in more detail. This will paint a clearer picture for the audience and add to the atmosphere of the scene.

7. Consider pacing: Evaluate the pacing of the scene and make edits to ensure it moves at the appropriate speed. Cut any unnecessary dialogue or actions that may slow down the momentum of the scene.

implementing these suggestions will help to improve the scene and make it more engaging for the audience.

Scene 8 - Gruesome Discovery

Overall: 9.0
Concept: 7
Plot: 9
Characters: 8
Dialogue: 6

INT. STORAGE SHED - DUSK (VERY DARK)

Clarice squirms, on her back, through the narrow opening.
As she squeezes all the way in, she snags one thigh on the
metal edge of the door. She curses softly, shining her
flashlight on her ripped khakis - there's a small streak
of blood.

MR. YOW (O.S.)
Okay, Miss Starling?

CLARICE
Okay, Mr. Yow...

She shines her light around. In its narrow beam, we see -
24.

CLARICE'S POV - UPWARD, SHIFTING

spiderwebs, everywhere... high stacks of cardboard
boxes... a few dusty pieces of furniture... the big car,
oddly long and tall, covered with a tarp... Suddenly
there's a scurrying of loud MUSICAL NOTES. Clarice turns,
scared, her beam capturing... an old upright piano.

MR. YOW (O.S.)
You're playing a piano, Miss Starling?

CLARICE
That wasn't me.

MR. YOW (O.S.)
Oh.

Clarice crawls a bit further. There's hardly room to
stand, but she finally manages to wriggle upright, clawing
away cobwebs, next to the car. Holding her light under one
arm, she takes several FLASH photos of the shed's
interior, ending with the car. Then, slinging her camera
over the shoulder, she folds back the tarp, resting it on
the roof. The resulting clouds of dust make her cough.

THE CAR

is an antique beauty, a 1931 Packard. It's very dusty,
despite the tarp. Curtains close off the back passenger
compartment, but there's a narrow gap in them. More mousy
RUSTLINGS.

CLARICE

peers in through the gap, aiming her flashlight.

HER POV - SHIFTING

as the thin flashlight beam picks out: the broad back
seat... as open album of lacy, old-fashioned Valentines...
a crumpled lap rug, on the floor... and then a pair of
women's shiny, high-heeled pumps... Above these, the hem
of a fancy satin evening gown - and a pair of pale,
stockinged legs.

Clarice recoils, alarmed, then steadies herself.

CLARICE
Mr. Yow? Oh Mr. Yow...? It looks like
somebody is sitting in this car.
25.

MR. YOW (O.S.)
Oh my! Oh my... Maybe you better come
out now, Miss Starling.

CLARICE
Not yet! - just wait for me.
(under the breath)
Maybe in about two seconds.

She leans down with her camera, takes a FLASH through the
gap, then tries the door handle. Locked. So is the front
door. She looks around, aiming her light, and locates a
tangle of coat-hangers, sticking out of a carton of bric-a-
brac. She pulls out one of these, straightens it quickly,
bends the tip into a hook.

CLOSE ANGLE

as she jams this tool inside the join at the top of the
back passenger window, then fishes around till she can
snag the inside door latch, pulling up. A satisfying CLICK.

Clarice opens the door - it hits stacked boxes, and won't
open far -then very cautiously leans inside, aiming her
flashlight.

HER POV - MOVING LIGHT BEAM

revealing more of the evening gown... a pair of hands, in
white, elbow-length gloves - one rests on the lap, the
other atop a large, beaded, drawstring evening bag...
thick strands of costume pearls over the breasts... and
finally the white neck stub of a female mannequin. No face
or head.

CLARICE

sighs with relief. She takes a couple more FLASHES, then
very carefully lifts out the Valentine album, holding it
by the corners, and setting it atop the car. Then she
eases herself inside, onto the back seat, as the springs
SQUEAK loudly.

ONE GLOVED HAND slides off the lap, brushing Clarice's
thigh.

Clarice starts a bit, then pokes at the gloved arm, hard.
She peels back a bit of glove, revealing the white,
synthetic elbow. She smiles, shaking her head at her own
jumpiness, as she reaches over the mannequin's lap to
loosen the evening bag's drawstring.
26.

A SEVERED HUMAN HEAD stares back at her, as the beaded
material slides away.

Clarice lurches back, gasping loudly, and several long,
heart-pounding moments pass before she can make herself
look more closely.

The head bobs gently in a pool of alcohol, in a laboratory
specimen jar. It is a man's head, but grotesquely
transformed, by the addition of heavy makeup, earrings,
and a sodden wig, into a woman's face. Over the years the
makeup has smeared badly, and the pupils have gone almost
milky white.

CLARICE

staring at this terrible thing, is pleased to find herself
quickly regaining control. She murmurs to herself.

CLARICE
Well, Toto, we're not in Kansas
anymore.

CUT TO:

EXT. QUINN'S HOSPITAL - PARKING LOT - NIGHT (RAINING)

A loud clap of THUNDER, as a flash of LIGHTNING
illuminates the eerie towers and barred windows of the
asylum.

MOVING ANGLE on Clarice as she climbs from her car, runs
through heavy rain towards the main entrance, where a
guard admits her.

CUT TO:

Genres: ["Psychological Thriller","Crime"]

Summary Clarice investigates a storage shed and discovers a severed human head disguised as a mannequin. She regains her composure and acknowledges the disturbing reality of her situation.

Strengths

Tense and suspenseful atmosphere
Clear character development for Clarice
Memorable and impactful discovery scene

Weaknesses

Some dialogue feels a bit forced
Some actions could be more subtly portrayed

Critique The scene overall is well-written and sets up a lot of tension and suspense. The descriptions are clear and vivid, allowing the reader to visualize the setting and actions easily. However, there are a couple of points that could be improved or clarified.

1. The dialogue lacks subtext: While the dialogue between Clarice and Mr. Yow serves its purpose of conveying information, it could benefit from more subtext to add depth to the characters and their relationship. This could be achieved by incorporating underlying emotions or hidden agendas.

2. Pacing and suspense: The scene builds suspense effectively, but there are moments where the pacing could be tightened to increase tension. For example, the exchange between Clarice and Mr. Yow before she enters the shed could be condensed to maintain momentum and keep the audience engaged.

3. Characterization: While there is a strong focus on Clarice's actions and reactions, there is room for further development of Mr. Yow's character. Adding more details or hints about his personality, motivations, or relationship with Clarice would enhance the scene and make it richer.

4. Clarity of action: The action in the scene is generally clear, but there are a few instances where it could be clarified for better understanding. For example, when Clarice enters the car, it is initially unclear if she is climbing into the backseat or front seat. Adding a brief clarification would help readers visualize the action more accurately.

Overall, the scene effectively creates suspense and engages readers. With a few adjustments to dialogue, pacing, and clarity of action, the scene could be even stronger.

Suggestions Here are some suggestions to improve the scene:

1. Set the scene description with more detail: Describe the features of the storage shed in more vivid language. Highlight the darkness and the claustrophobic feel of the space. This will enhance the atmosphere and make it more engaging for the reader.

2. Give more insight into Clarice's thoughts and emotions: Add internal dialogue or reactions from Clarice as she navigates through the narrow opening and deals with snagging her thigh. This will help the reader connect with her character on a deeper level.

3. Create more suspense and tension: Build up the scurrying musical notes and make the moment when Clarice discovers the piano more intense. Maybe have the noise cease suddenly, leaving her even more unsettled. This will heighten the sense of danger and mystery.

4. Add sensory details: Describe the musty smell, the feeling of cobwebs sticking to Clarice's skin, and the taste of dust in the air. These details will transport the reader into the shed and make the scene more immersive.

5. Develop Mr. Yow's character: Consider adding more interaction between Clarice and Mr. Yow. This will give the reader a better sense of their relationship and create more opportunity for dialogue and dynamic between the characters.

6. Enhance the reveal of the car: Slow down the pacing of the scene leading up to the discovery of the car. Allow Clarice to take in her surroundings more before shining her flashlight on the car. This will create anticipation and make the moment more impactful.

7. Fine-tune the descriptions of the vintage car: Add more detailed descriptions of the car's features and condition, highlighting its beauty and rarity. This will help establish its significance to the story.

8. Use stronger language to describe Clarice's discovery: Choose specific and evocative language to create a vivid image of the woman's legs and the subsequent reveal of the mannequin and severed head. This will create a stronger emotional response from the reader.

9. Strengthen Clarice's reaction: Expand on Clarice's initial shock and horror at the discovery. Explore her immediate physical and emotional responses in more detail to make the scene more intense and disturbing.

10. Consider adding a cliffhanger: End the scene on a shocking note or revelation that leaves the reader wanting more. This will increase their investment in the story and encourage them to keep reading.

By implementing these suggestions, you can improve the scene and create a more engaging and compelling moment in your screenplay.

Scene 9 - Negotiations and Revelations

Overall: 9.0
Concept: 8
Plot: 9
Characters: 10
Dialogue: 8

INT. DR. LECTER'S CELL AND CORRIDOR - NIGHT (DIM LIGHT)

On a noiseless TV screen, an evangelist rants, waving his
arms. Behind him, a swaying choir in gaudy robes.

CLARICE (O.S.)
It's an anagram, isn't it, Doctor?

PAN TO Clarice, with her wet hair plastered flat, sitting
on the corridor floor to one side of this TV, which has
been stationed so that Dr. Lecter cannot avoid seeing it.

CLARICE
Hester Mofet... "The rest of me." Miss
The-Rest-of-Me... Meaning, you rented
that place.
27.

HER POV

he's lost in shadows; we can't see him. He doesn't respond.

CUTTING BETWEEN THEM

Clarice and the darkened call - as she tries again.

CLARICE
You put those - things in there. Paid
for it in advance, ten years ago...
Why, Dr. Lecter?

The food carrier suddenly SWISHES out of the cell, making
her jump up. In its tray is a clean, folded white towel.
She hesitates, then crosses, takes this.

CLARICE
(continuing)
Thank you.

She sits again, rubbing her wet hair. When he finally
speaks, he's on the floor, too - a deeper, hunching
darkness in the shadows, occasionally striped by the
flickering TV light.

DR. LECTER
Your bleeding has stopped.

CLARICE
How did -
(she stops herself)
It's nothing. A scratch.

DR. LECTER
Why don't you ask me about Buffalo
Bill?

CLARICE
(surprised, a beat)
Why? Do you know something about him?

DR. LECTER
I might if I saw the case file. You
could get that for me.

CLARICE
Why don't you tell me about "Miss
Mofet?" You wanted me to find him. Or
do I have to wait for the lab?
28.

DR. LECTER
(sighs)
His real name is Benjamin Raspail. A
former patient of mine, whose romantic
attachments ran to, shall we say, the
exotic...? I didn't kill him, merely
tucked him away. Very much as I found
him, in that ridiculous car, in his
own garage, after he's missed three
appointments. You'd have him under
"Missing Person" - which, in poor
Raspail's case, could hardly be more
true.

CLARICE
If you didn't kill him, then who did?

DR. LECTER
Who can say...? Best thing for him,
really. His therapy was going nowhere.

CLARICE
Wouldn't it have been easier to just
leave him for the police to find?

DR. LECTER
And have them clomping about in my
life? Oh dear, no... At that time I
still had certain private amusements
of my own.
(beat)
How did you feel when you saw him,
Clarice? May I call you Clarice?

CLARICE
Scared, at first. Then - exhilarated.

DR. LECTER
Ahhh... Why?

CLARICE
Because you weren't wasting my time.

DR. LECTER
Do you have something you use, when
you need to get up your courage?
Memories, tableaux... scenes from your
early life?

CLARICE
I don't know. Next time I'll have to
check.
29.

DR. LECTER
Jack Crawford is helping your career,
isn't he? Apparently he likes you. And
you like him, too.

CLARICE
I never thought about it.

DR. LECTER
Your first lie to me, Clarice. How
sad. Tell me -do you think Crawford
wants you, sexually? True, he's much
older, but - do you think he
visualizes... scenarios, exchanges...?
Fucking you?

CLARICE
That doesn't interest me, Doctor. And
it's the sort of thing Miggs would ask.

DR. LECTER
Not anymore.
(beat)
Surely the odd confluence of events
hasn't escaped you, Clarice. Crawford
dangles you before me. Then I give you
a bit of help. Do you think it's
because I like to look at you, and
imagine how good you would taste...?

CLARICE
I don't know. Is it?

DR. LECTER
Or doesn't this all begin to suggest
to you a kind of... negotiation?
There's something Crawford can give
me, and I want to trade for it. I even
wrote to him, offering my help. But he
hates me, so he won't deal directly.

Dr. Lecter slowly turns up the rheostat in his cell. As
his lights rise, we see that the cell's been stripped
bare. Gone are his books, drawings, mattress - even his
toilet seat. She stands, too, startled. They face each
other.

DR. LECTER
(continuing)
Punishment, you see. For Miggs. Just
like that gospel program. When you
leave, they'll turn the volume way up.
Chilton does enjoy his petty torments.
30.

CLARICE
Who killed Raspail, Doctor...? You
know, don't you?

DR. LECTER
I've been in this room for eight
years, Clarice. I know they will
never, ever let me out while I'm
alive. What I want is a view. I want
a window where I can see a tree, or
even water. I want to be in a federal
institution, away from Chilton - and
I want a view. I'll give good value
for it. Crawford could do that for me,
but he won't. You persuade him.

CLARICE
(almost a whisper)
Who killed your patient?

DR. LECTER
Oh, a very naughty boy. Someone you
and Jack Crawford are most anxious to
meet.

CLARICE
Buffalo Bill...?
(incredulous)
Bill killed him, all those years
ago...? That's impossible.

But Dr. Lecter only smiles, enigmatically.

DR. LECTER
Who is he stalking right now, Clarice?
I wonder, don't you? How many more
young women will have to die, before
you trade with me...?

As Clarice stares at him, unsure how to respond -

DISSOLVE TO:

Genres: ["Thriller","Drama","Crime"]

Summary Clarice confronts Dr. Lecter about the murder of Benjamin Raspail, and learns that Buffalo Bill is responsible. Dr. Lecter reveals his desire for a window and asks Clarice to persuade Crawford to grant him this. The scene ends with the implication that more young women will be killed if Clarice doesn't make a deal with Dr. Lecter.

Strengths

Intense dialogue between Clarice and Dr. Lecter
Revelations about Buffalo Bill
Implication of high stakes and urgency

Weaknesses

Some scenes of the TV evangelist may feel distracting

Critique As a screenwriting expert, I would critique this scene as follows:

1. Dialogue: The dialogue in this scene is engaging and reveals important information about the characters and their motivations. The conversation between Clarice and Dr. Lecter is filled with tension and intrigue, keeping the audience invested in the scene.

2. Description: The description of the setting and the characters' actions is clear and concise. It effectively sets the mood of the scene and creates a visual picture for the reader.

3. Pacing: The pacing of the scene is well done. The back-and-forth dialogue between Clarice and Dr. Lecter keeps the scene moving and maintains the audience's interest.

4. Characterization: The dialogue and actions of the characters reveal their personalities and motivations effectively. Clarice's determination and intelligence come through in her questioning, while Dr. Lecter's manipulative nature is evident in his responses.

5. Conflict: The scene creates conflict between Clarice and Dr. Lecter as they try to gain information from each other. The tension and power dynamics between the two characters add depth to the scene.

Overall, this scene is well-written and engaging. It effectively advances the plot and reveals key information about the characters and their motivations. With some minor improvements, such as adding more visual details and tightening up the dialogue, it could be even stronger.

Suggestions Overall, the scene is well-written and engaging. However, here are a few suggestions to enhance it:

1. Visual Description: Provide more specific visual descriptions to help set the tone and atmosphere of the scene. For example, instead of just saying "DIM LIGHT," you could describe the flickering shadows, the dimly lit corridor, and the eerie glow of the TV screen.

2. Action and Movement: Incorporate more physical action and movement between Clarice and Dr. Lecter. This can create a sense of tension and dynamic interaction. For instance, you can describe their body language, gestures, or reactions to each other's words.

3. Dialogue: While the dialogue is sharp, consider adding more subtext and layers of meaning to their conversation. Explore the characters' motivations and desires that are not overtly expressed. This can add depth to the scene and provide more insight into their relationship.

4. Clarice's Emotional State: Show more of Clarice's internal emotions as she interacts with Dr. Lecter. You can describe her reactions, thoughts, or conflicting feelings to emphasize her vulnerability, determination, or fear.

5. Break up Long Dialogue Exchanges: Break up long dialogue exchanges with shorter beats of action or description. This can provide visual breaks and prevent the scene from feeling overly static.

6. Visual Transition: Use a visual transition or a cinematic technique to enhance the transition between scenes. This can help maintain the flow and pacing of the script.

Remember that these suggestions are subjective, and ultimately, the decisions on how to improve the scene rest with your creative vision for the story.

Scene 10 - Abduction

Overall: 7.0
Concept: 7
Plot: 8
Characters: 7
Dialogue: 6

INT. CATHERINE MARTIN'S APARTMENT - MEMPHIS, TENNESSEE -
NIGHT

CATHERINE MARTIN takes a long toke from a bong pipe. She
is 21, a tall, big-boned, rather fleshy girl with long
brown fair. Her head is on the lap of her boyfriend, CODY;
they're sprawled on a couch in the den of her well-
furnished apartment. The TV in on, with low SOUND.
31.

CATHERINE
This stuff's givin' me the munchies.
Where's that bag of popcorn?

CODY
Shit. Left the groceries in the car.

He starts to rise, but she pushes him back.

CATHERINE
'S okay, I'll go.

She rises, goes out the front door.

CUT TO:

EXT. PARKING LOT - THE APARTMENT COMPLEX - NIGHT

Catherine straightens, with her bag of groceries, shutting
her car's back door. She sees, a short distance away -

A MAN

standing at the open rear door of a brown panel truck. His
right forearm is in a cast and sling; he is struggling,
unsuccessfully, to hoist an armchair into the truck.
Parked nearby, other cars, RVs, a boat on a trailer. A
thin, breast-high fog fills the lot; arc lights make
yellow pools.

Catherine hesitates, then crosses towards the man.

CATHERINE
Help you with that?

MAN
Would you? Thanks.

His voice is odd, strained, very soft. A fog lamp, set on
end on the ground, distorts his features from below. We
can't get a good glimpse of his face, but his body is
plump, above average height; he's in his mid 30's. She
sets down the bag, then together they easily lift the
chair into the truck.

MAN (O.S.)
Let's slide it up, you mind?

CUT TO:
32.

INT. THE PANEL TRUCK - NIGHT

He climbs inside the truck, ducking under a small hand
winch, and grabs the chair. She hesitates again, but
climbs in after him; together they slide the chair
forward, behind the seats.

MAN
Are you about a size 14?

CATHERINE
(surprised)
What?

Suddenly, in the shadowy dark, he clubs her over the back
of her head with his cast. She moans, slumps unconscious,
sliding off the armchair to lie on her stomach. He pulls
off his cast and sling, tosses them aside, then hops out
of the truck, grabs his lamp, climbs back inside, and
pulls the door shut. He bends over her face with the lamp.
We hear her shallow BREATHING.

MAN
Good.

He peels back the collar of her blouse, reading the size
tag.

MAN
(continuing)
Good.

He carefully slits her blouse up the back, with a pair of
bandage scissors, peeling apart the two halves. There's no
bra strap. He strokes her bare skin delicately, very
happily.

MAN
(continuing)
Gooood...

CUT TO:

EXT. THE PARKING LOT - NIGHT

LOW ANGLE - CLOSE - on Catherine's grocery bag, as her
blouse is tossed out beside it. SOUND of the truck's motor
starting. The truck backs up, one rear wheel knocking over
the bag, partly squashing it. Then is drives away,
taillights shrinking, as a lone orange rolls slowly away
from the bag...

DISSOLVE TO:
33.

INT. FBI ACADEMY CLASSROOM - QUANTICO - DAY

CLOSE ON a large video screen, where a BLURRY image
gradually sharpens, resolving into two separate pieces of
fabric.

INSTRUCTOR (O.S.)
Electron microscopy reveals fiber
"signatures" that are nearly as
distinct as fingerprints...

Clarice sits at a long table, with other trainees. Ardelia
is beside her. Other tables and students in the
background. Each trainee has his own microscope. Clarice
is tired, but straightens, hearing -

INSTRUCTOR (O.S.)
(continuing)
Both of these blouses were worn by
victims of Buffalo Bill. They were
found in two different states, and
four months apart. He always slits
them up the back, like a funeral
suit...

ON THE SCREEN

successively CLOSER VIEWS of the cut fabric edges, until
we are seeing individual threads, big as tree limbs. The
cuts match.

INSTRUCTOR (O.S.)
The bunching you see - this
compression - is characteristic of
scissor cuts, rather than a single
blade. And, as you see - Bill always
uses the same pair...

ANGLE ON THE DOOR

as John Brigham, the gunnery instructor, sticks his head
in.

BRIGHAM
Clarice Starling! Are you in here?

CUT TO:

INT. HALLWAY - CLASSROOM BUILDING - DAY

Clarice and Brigham walk briskly down the hall, passing
other trainees. He carries a small canvas bag.
34.

BRIGHAM
Get your field gear, take stuff for
overnight. You're goin' with Crawford.

CLARICE
Where?

BRIGHAM
Some fishermen in West Virginia found
an unidentified girl's body. It's a
Buffalo Bill-type situation. Been in
the water about a week, and Jack needs
somebody that can print a floater.
Think you can handle it?

CLARICE
(thinking quickly)
I'll need the big fingerprint kit...
and the one-to-one Polaroid, the CU-5,
with film packs and batteries.

CUT TO:

Genres: []

Summary Catherine Martin is abducted by a mysterious man pretending to need help. He knocks her unconscious and takes her to his truck.

Strengths

Weaknesses

Critique Overall, this scene is well-written and effectively establishes the setting and introduces the characters. The dialogue is natural and helps to move the plot forward. It also creates tension and foreshadows the danger that Catherine Martin will soon face.

One suggestion for improvement would be to provide more specific details about the characters' appearances and actions to help readers visualize the scene better. For example, instead of simply describing Catherine as tall and big-boned, it would be helpful to include specific details such as her clothing or physical mannerisms. Additionally, when the man clubs Catherine over the back of her head, it would be impactful to describe the action in more detail to highlight the suddenness and violence of the event.

Furthermore, it would be beneficial to include more sensory details to enhance the atmosphere and engage the reader's senses. For example, describing the smell of the marijuana smoke in Catherine's apartment or the sound of her footsteps in the parking lot would help to create a more immersive experience for the reader.

Overall, this scene effectively sets the stage for the suspense and danger that will follow, but a few tweaks to the descriptions and sensory details would make it even stronger.

Suggestions As a screenwriting expert, here are some suggestions to improve the scene:

1. Develop the characters: Provide more specific descriptions of Catherine and Cody to give them more depth and make them more memorable to the audience. Additionally, consider adding more dialogue or action that shows their personalities and their relationship.

2. Set the mood: Add more details about the atmosphere in Catherine's apartment to create a specific atmosphere. Describe the lighting, decorations, and any other elements that contribute to the overall mood of the scene.

3. Strengthen the dialogue: Consider adding some subtext to the dialogue between Catherine and Cody to make it more interesting and revealing about their relationship. For example, they could talk about something unrelated to the popcorn, hinting at their shared history or secrets.

4. Clarify the location: Provide a clearer description of the parking lot and the surroundings to help visualize the scene better.

5. Build tension: Add more suspense and tension leading up to the climax of the scene. Use actions, sounds, or dialogue to foreshadow the imminent danger that Catherine is about to face.

6. Show character reactions: Show Catherine's initial hesitation or uneasiness when approaching the man in the parking lot. This can build tension and make the audience feel more invested in her safety.

7. Improve pacing: Consider condensing some of the action or dialogue to make the scene more concise and engaging. For example, you can remove some of the unnecessary dialogue tags or streamline the action of Catherine and the man loading the armchair.

8. Create visual contrasts: Use visual cues, such as the yellow pools of light and thin fog in the parking lot, to create contrasting elements that enhance the atmosphere and make the scene visually interesting.

9. Enhance the impact of the attack: Instead of stating that the man hits Catherine over the head, consider finding a way to visually represent the attack on screen. This can make the scene more intense and memorable.

10. Improve the transition: Consider finding a smoother transition between this scene and the next scene at the FBI Academy. This can help maintain the flow of the screenplay and keep the audience engaged.

Scene 11 - Preparation and Revelation

Overall: 9.0
Concept: 8
Plot: 9
Characters: 8
Dialogue: 7

INT. BRIGHAM'S JEEP CHEROKEE - DAY (DRIVING)

Brigham steers as they pass hangars, parked planes, an
airstrip. Clarice holds a big fingerprint kit and a
weekend bag.

BRIGHAM
Jack's pretty tough on you, isn't he?
Impatient...

CLARICE
Sometimes.

BRIGHAM
He's got a lot on his mind besides
Buffalo Bill... His wife, Bella, is
real sick. Comatose... I'm tellin' you
about it now, 'cause he may never.

Clarice absorbs this in silence as they stop near an
ancient, rather dilapidated Beechcraft. Its door is open,
the twin props and beacons already turning. Brigham turns
to her, holding out his small canvas bag.

BRIGHAM
(continuing)
You're goin' in the field, so you
gotta have full kit. Take this - it's
my own...
35.

Clarice opens the bag, stares at the big blue gun nestled
in its shoulder holster. She looks up at him, touched.

BRIGHAM
(continuing)
Wear it, don't ever leave it in your
purse. Dry fire it whenever you get
the chance. And do your exercises.

CLARICE
I will... I promise.

BRIGHAM
Listen, I hope you never need a thing
I've taught you. But you've got
something... Jack sees it, I do too.
If you ever need to, you can shoot.

She nods, climbs out. Then she looks back in at him.
They're both moved by this rite of passage, but a little
embarrassed.

BRIGHAM
(continuing)
Bless you, Starling...

CUT TO:

INT. BEECHCRAFT PLANE - DAY (FLYING)

CLARICE'S POV - Out the plane's window, at the landscape
far below. Wisps of cloud, a quilt of farms.

Clarice turns from the window, looks at a think folder in
her lap. The cover reads "Case File: / BUFFALO BILL."
Clarice is moody, distracted. She hesitates, then opens
the file, begins to scan.

INSERTS - HER POV

Police forms, some handwritten... Typed lab reports; we
catch words, phrases: "Autopsy Protocols", "Histamine
Analysis"... Grainy enlargements of bullet slugs, showing
matched grooves... And then a stack of victim photos. The
first one, taken from a good distance away, shows a nude
female body, face down on a pebbly riverbank, surrounded
by bits of litter.

Clarice hesitates again, then flips this photo to look at
the next. It makes her flinch, just slightly. Quickly she
turns through several more photographs, trying hard to
concentrate.
36.

CRAWFORD (O.S.)
He keeps them alive for three days.

NEW ANGLE

shows Crawford standing over her, swaying with the plane's
motion. Behind him, the open cockpit door, the pilot's
back. Crawford sits, removing sunglasses. He rubs his eyes.

CRAWFORD
Why, we don't yet know... There's no
evidence of rape or physical abuse
prior to death. All the mutilation you
see there is post-mortem.
(a beat; he glances
at her)
I'm hot, are you hot? Bobby, it's too
damned hot back here...

The pilot adjusts a valve. Crawford turns to her again.

CRAWFORD
(continuing)
So. Three days. Then he shoots them,
skins them -usually just the torsos -
and dumps them. Each body in a
different river, in a different state,
downstream from an interstate
highway. The water leaves us no
fingerprints, fibers, DNA fluids - no
trace evidence at all. That's Fredrica
Bimmel, the first one...

A COLOR PHOTO - IN CLARICE'S HANDS

shows a pretty, plump-cheeked brunette, in her high school
graduation cap and gown. She smiles at us with touching
optimism.

CRAWFORD (O.S.)
A big girl, like all the rest. Went
about 160... Her corpse was the only
one he took the trouble to weight
down, so actually, she was the third
girl found. After her, he got lazy...

NEW ANGLE

as Clarice stares at the girl's face, moved. Crawford
pulls a map from the file, spreads it out. It shows the
central and eastern U.S., with widely-spaced, hand-drawn
markings.
37.

CRAWFORD
Blue square for Belvedere, Ohio, where
the Bimmel girl was abducted. Blue
triangle where her body was found -
down here in Missouri. Same marks for
the other four girls, in different
colors. This new one, today... washed
up here.
(he marks with a
Flair pen)
Elk River, in West Virginia, about six
miles below U.S. 79. Real boonies.

CLARICE
There's no correlation at all between
where they're kidnapped and where
they're found...?
(he shakes his head)
What if - what if you trace the
heaviest-traffic routes backwards from
the dump sites? Do they converge at
all?

CRAWFORD
Good idea, but he thought of it, too.
We've run simulations, using different
vectors and the best dates we can
assign. You put it all in the
computer, and smoke comes out. No,
this one is different. Then one has
seen us coming...

CUT TO:

Genres: ["Crime","Thriller"]

Summary Clarice prepares for her field assignment and receives a gun from Brigham. She then boards a plane with Crawford, who reveals disturbing details about Buffalo Bill's victims. They discuss the lack of evidence and the difficulty in tracking the killer. A new victim has surfaced in West Virginia.

Strengths "This scene effectively builds suspense and provides important information about the case and characters."

Weaknesses "Some of the dialogue could be more concise and impactful."

Critique Overall, this scene is well-written and effectively conveys important information about the characters and the case they are investigating. Here are a few specific points to consider:

1. Dialogue: The dialogue in this scene is natural and reveals important information about the characters. It helps to establish the relationship between Brigham and Clarice, as well as providing insight into Jack Crawford's personal life.

2. Emotional impact: The scene effectively conveys the emotional weight of Clarice's transition into the field and the responsibility she is taking on. The exchange between Brigham and Clarice feels genuine and heartfelt.

3. Visual description: The scene uses visual description to help the reader visualize the setting and actions taking place. The details about the airplane and the landscape add depth to the scene.

4. Pacing: The scene moves at a good pace and keeps the reader engaged. The transitions between different locations and perspectives are smooth and well-executed.

Overall, this scene effectively combines dialogue, visual description, and emotional depth to create an engaging and impactful moment in the screenplay. Well done!

Suggestions Overall, the scene is well-written and establishes important information about the characters and the case they are working on. However, here are a few suggestions to consider for improvement:

1. Clarify the dialogue: Some of the dialogue could be clarified to make the information more easily understandable for the audience. For example, in Brigham's dialogue, it could be made clearer that he is referring to Jack as impatient rather than asking Clarice if she finds Jack impatient.

2. Show emotions more subtly: In certain parts of the scene, the emotions of the characters could be shown more subtly to avoid feeling too on-the-nose. For example, when Clarice looks at the gun in the bag, instead of saying "She looks up at him, touched," it could be shown through her facial expression or a small gesture that she is touched by the gift.

3. Use visuals to enhance storytelling: The scene could benefit from more visual storytelling to engage the audience and create a stronger impact. For example, when describing the landscape below the plane, instead of just saying "Wisps of cloud, a quilt of farms," try to use more vivid and specific descriptions that help paint a more vivid picture for the audience.

4. Consider pacing: The scene could benefit from a bit more variation in pacing. It could be helpful to break up the dialogue with some action lines or moments of silence to create a more dynamic flow.

5. Clarify the timeline: Clarifying the timeline of events could help the audience better understand the case and the progression of the investigation. For example, it could be made clearer how much time has passed since Clarice received the fingerprint kit and the weekend bag from Brigham.

6. Consider the use of flashbacks: With the use of flashbacks, you could show brief glimpses of the victims and crime scenes as the characters discuss them. This would allow the audience to visually understand the severity and importance of the case.

Overall, these suggestions aim to enhance the clarity, emotion, and visual impact of the scene.

Scene 12 - Revealing Secrets

Overall: 8.0
Concept: 7
Plot: 9
Characters: 8
Dialogue: 9

INT. RENTAL CAR - DAY (DRIVING)

Crawford steers, following a highway patrol car along a
winding mountain road. Clarice has the file open on her
lap. He glances at her, inscrutable behind his sunglasses.

CRAWFORD
Talk about him, Starling. Tell me what
you see.

CLARICE
(choosing her words
carefully)
He's a white male... Serial killers
tend to hunt within their own ethnic
group. And he's not a drifter - he's
got his own house, somewhere. Not an
apartment.
38.

CRAWFORD
Why?

CLARICE
What he does with them - takes
privacy... Time, tools... He's in his
30's or 40's - he's got real physical
strength, but combined with an older
man's self-control. He's cautious,
precise, never impulsive... This won't
end in suicide, like they often do.

CRAWFORD
Why not?

CLARICE
He's got a real taste for it now. And
he's getting better at his work.

CRAWFORD
(a beat; impressed)
Maybe you've got a knack for this...
I guess we're about to find out.

CLARICE
(quietly, evenly)
Like I have a "knack" for Dr. Lecter?

He studies her a few moments, measuring her anger.

CRAWFORD
Okay, Starling. Let's have it.

CLARICE
You haven't said a word today about
that garage. Or what I found there.

CRAWFORD
What should I say? You did fine work.
We'll wait on the lab.

CLARICE
You knew. You knew from the start that
Lecter held the key to this... But you
weren't up front with me. You sent me
in to him naked.

CRAWFORD
(beat)
Are you finished?
39.

CLARICE
He starts this - buzzing in me, in my
head. He makes me feel violated... You
used me, Mr. Crawford.

A shadow of regret passes over his face, but he answers
sternly.

CRAWFORD
Number One. Maybe there's a
connection, maybe not. Lying and
breathing are the same thing to
Lecter. Number Two. If I'd sent you in
there with something to hide from him,
he'd have known it, instantly. He'd
never have trusted you.

She starts to answer, then is silent. He is right. By now
the two cars are entering a tidy little town - tree-lined
streets, wooden houses, one-story shops, mountains in the
background. They slow, turn.

CRAWFORD
(continuing)
Number Three, I didn't bring you along
today just because you can do first-
rate forensics. If Lecter is becoming
part of this case, you've got the most
current read on him. And Number
Four - you don't have to like me, or
the way I do things. But you do have
to keep a cool head. Especially now...
Because from here on out, you'll know
everything I do. Are we straight on
that?

Clarice nods, silently; it's as close to an apology as
she's likely to get. She stares out the windshield.

JUST AHEAD OF THEM

the highway patrol cruiser noses into a curb, next to
other police cars, facing a big white frame house. Its
sign reads "Potter Funeral Home." Two troopers climb from
the car.

Crawford parks too, then kills the engine. He turns to
her, removing his sunglasses, gestures to the case file.
40.

CRAWFORD
(softly)
You think about him long enough, you
get a feel for him... Then, if you're
lucky, out of all the stuff you know,
one little part of it tugs at you,
tries to get your attention... You let
me know when that happens, Starling.
Live right behind your eyes, today.
Don't try to impose any patterns on
this guy. Just stay open and let him
show you...

One of the troopers, impassive in his sunglasses and hat,
peers in through Crawford's window. Crawford nods to him,
then turns back to Clarice.

CRAWFORD
(continuing)
School's out, Starling.

CUT TO:

EXT. SIDEWALK OF THE FUNERAL HOME - POTTER, WEST VA. - DAY

SOUND of organ music, as Clarice, carrying her fingerprint
kit, mounts some steps to the sidewalk. She stops, seeing -

COUNTRY PEOPLE

in their somber best, filing into the mortuary for a
service. The music - "Shall We Gather At The River?" - is
issuing from the open double doors. Several of the
mourners glance over at her curiously.

ANGLE ON CLARICE

staring back at the mourners, hearing the music, as a
sense memory is triggered in her...

IN FLASHBACK - LOW ANGLE, MOVING

as we approach, down the aisle of a country chapel, an
open wooden coffin. Sad country faces turn, looking at us
from the flanking pews. The b.g. organ hymn is "Shall We
Gather...?"

THE SAD, 10 YEAR-OLD CLARICE

in her best dress, is reluctantly approaching the casket.
Her hands are held by the plump hands of unseen matrons.
41.

CHILD'S POV

on the looming coffin... closer and closer... until
finally she can see, lying inside it... her dead father,
arms folded, his marshal's badge still pinned to his lapel.

CRAWFORD (V.O.)
Starling...?

NEW ANGLE (PRESENT DAY)

as the grownup Clarice turns towards the impatient
Crawford. Like her, he carries a large case.

CRAWFORD
We're around back.

CUT TO:

Genres: ["Thriller","Crime","Mystery"]

Summary Clarice confronts Crawford about his hidden knowledge of Lecter and expresses her anger and feeling violated. Crawford explains his reasons for keeping her in the dark and emphasizes the importance of her role in the case. They arrive at a funeral home for an investigation.

Strengths "Tense dialogue between Clarice and Crawford, reveals more information about the case and character motivations."

Weaknesses "Some exposition-heavy dialogue"

Critique Overall, this scene has elements of tension and character development, but could benefit from some improvements.

- The dialogue between Crawford and Clarice provides some insight into their characters and their working relationship. However, some of the dialogue feels a bit forced and expository, especially when they discuss the characteristics of the killer. This could be made more subtle and organic.

- The scene could benefit from more visual descriptions and action lines to enhance the tension and atmosphere. For example, describing the winding mountain road and the tension in the air as they follow the highway patrol car.

- The flashback sequence is a powerful tool to give depth to Clarice's character, but it could be made more impactful by incorporating sensory details and emotion.

- The last section of the scene where Clarice sees the mourners filing into the funeral home holds potential for suspense, but could be strengthened with more specific descriptions and details.

- The transitions between settings could be smoother to avoid any confusion for the readers.

Overall, this scene has potential, but with some improvements in the dialogue, visuals, and transitions, it could become a stronger and more engaging moment in the script.

Suggestions Overall, this scene is well-written and effectively conveys the tension between the characters of Crawford and Clarice. However, there are a few suggestions that could enhance the scene:

1. Add more visual description: While the dialogue is strong, it would be beneficial to incorporate more visual description to create a stronger sense of setting and atmosphere. For example, you could describe the winding mountain road they are driving on, the surrounding scenery, and the feeling of isolation or danger.

2. Increase the subtext: The characters' emotions and conflicts are already well-established through the dialogue, but adding more subtext could deepen the scene. This could be achieved through non-verbal cues, such as Crawford gripping the steering wheel tightly or Clarice clenching her fists. Additionally, consider adding more specific actions or movements to help bring the scene to life on screen.

3. Strengthen the impact of the flashback: The flashback to Clarice's childhood is a powerful moment, but it could be enhanced by providing more sensory details and emotional insight. Describe how the music triggers a specific memory for Clarice and how it affects her emotionally in the present moment. This will help to connect the past and present more effectively.

4. Vary the sentence structure: The majority of the dialogue in this scene consists of short, straightforward sentences. Introducing more varied sentence structures, such as longer sentences or fragmented thoughts, can help to create a more dynamic and engaging rhythm to the scene.

Overall, these suggestions aim to enhance the visual and emotional impact of the scene, as well as improve the pacing and flow of the dialogue. Remember, screenwriting is a collaborative process, so these suggestions should be tailored to fit the specific vision and style of the filmmaker.

Scene 13 - Arrival at the Funeral Home

Overall: 7.5
Concept: 7
Plot: 8
Characters: 7
Dialogue: 7

INT. FUNERAL HOME - BACK CORRIDOR - DAY

A young deputy, several state troopers, and a SHERIFF are
all waiting, as Crawford and Clarice enter. The dim,
cluttered corridor doubles as storage space - there's a
treadle sewing machine, a soft-drink machine, a tricycle.
The MUSIC is closer. Crawford shakes hands with the
sheriff.

CRAWFORD
Sheriff Perkins? Jack Crawford, FBI...
This is Officer Starling. We
appreciate your phoning us.

SHERIFF
(grim, unsociable)
I didn't call you. That was somebody
from the state attorney's office...
'For you do a thing else, I'm gon'
find out if this girl's local. It
could just be somethin' that outside
elements has dumped on us.

He casts a sidelong, unhappy glance at Clarice.

CRAWFORD
Wellsir, that's where we can help. If -

SHERIFF
I don't even know you, Mister... Now
we'll extend you ever courtesy, just
soon as we can, but for right now -
42.

CRAWFORD
Sheriff, this, ah - this type of sex
crime has some aspects I'd rather
discuss just between the two of us.
Know what I mean?

He indicates Clarice with his eyes. The sheriff hesitates,
nods, then lets Crawford guide him into a small office,
closing the door behind them. Muffled WORDS from there.

CLARICE

burning at this slight, is left alone with the troopers,
who peek at her with shy curiosity. She pulls her blazer
a bit tighter, self-conscious about her bulging shoulder
holster.

ANGLE ON THE OFFICE DOOR

as, after a few more moments, the sheriff and Crawford
emerge. The sheriff, still not very happy, addresses his
deputy.

SHERIFF
Oscar, run fetch Dr. Akin from the
chapel. And tell Lamar to come on when
he's done playin' that music.

CUT TO:

Genres: ["Thriller","Crime","Mystery"]

Summary Clarice and Crawford arrive at a funeral home to investigate a new victim. The sheriff is initially skeptical but eventually cooperates. Clarice feels self-conscious as the only female officer. They wait for Dr. Akin and Lamar to join them.

Strengths

Tense atmosphere
Building suspense

Weaknesses

Some dialogue feels repetitive

Critique Overall, this scene effectively establishes the setting and introduces the main characters. The use of the funeral home as a location adds an interesting and somewhat eerie atmosphere. The dialogue between Crawford, Sheriff Perkins, and Clarice reveals tension and conflict, creating intrigue for the audience.

One aspect that could be improved is the formatting and description. The scene description is brief and lacks detail, making it difficult to fully visualize the environment. Adding more specific details about the dim lighting, clutter, and overall atmosphere of the corridor could enhance the scene and immerse the reader more fully. Additionally, the use of specific camera angles or character movements could make the scene more dynamic and visually appealing.

In terms of the dialogue, it effectively conveys the personalities and tensions between the characters. However, some of the dialogue feels a bit on-the-nose and could benefit from more subtlety. For example, instead of Sheriff Perkins explicitly stating his suspicions about Clarice being an outsider, it could be shown through his body language or reactions. This would make the scene more nuanced and allow the audience to interpret the tension for themselves.

Another suggestion would be to add more subtext or layers to the dialogue. While the scene is straightforward in presenting the conflict between the FBI and local law enforcement, injecting some deeper underlying motives or hidden agendas could add complexity and create more intrigue.

Overall, this scene effectively sets up the initial conflict and establishes the dynamic between the characters. By adding more descriptive details, visual elements, and subtly nuanced dialogue, the scene could be further enhanced.

Suggestions To improve this scene, here are a few suggestions:

1. Clarify the setting: Provide some descriptions of the funeral home's back corridor to help the reader visualize the environment. Include details that create a specific mood or atmosphere.

2. Develop the characters: Give more depth to the young deputy, state troopers, and Sheriff Perkins. Show their reactions and emotions through their body language, facial expressions, or dialogue. This will make them more interesting and memorable to the audience.

3. Create tension: Increase the tension between Crawford and Sheriff Perkins. Show more conflict and disagreement in their conversation. This will add excitement and make the scene more engaging.

4. Add subtext: Explore the subtext in the dialogue between Crawford and Sheriff Perkins. Show their hidden motivations, desires, or secrets. This will add depth to their characters and make the scene more captivating.

5. Show Clarice's emotions: Instead of just stating that she is burning at the slight, show her emotional reaction through her actions, dialogue, or facial expressions. This will make her character more relatable and allow the audience to empathize with her.

6. Use visual cues: Use visual cues to enhance the scene, such as the tricycle or the sewing machine. These details can help reinforce the overall tone or theme of the script.

7. Consider pacing: Evaluate the pacing of the scene and make adjustments if necessary. It should flow smoothly and keep the audience engaged without dragging or feeling rushed.

By incorporating these suggestions, you can improve the impact and effectiveness of this scene in your movie script.

Scene 14 - Investigating the New Victim

Overall: 8.0
Concept: 8
Plot: 9
Characters: 7
Dialogue: 6

INT. EMBALMING ROOM - DAY

Crawford, in one corner of the room, has set up a Litton
Policefax fingerprint transmitter. SOUND of many men's low
voices, in background. He is on the phone, and has to
speak loudly.

CRAWFORD
I need a six-way linkup! Chicago,
Detroit, Cleveland, St. Louis,
Atlanta, and Dallas... What?... Can
you hear me...?

He looks around, frustrated by the noisy circus atmosphere.

CLARICE

is pulling on a pair of surgical gloves. She raises her
voice, turning up her natural accent by several notches.
43.

CLARICE
Gentlemen. You officers and gentlemen!
Listen here a minute, please. There's
things I need to do for her...

WIDER ANGLE

as we see that the small room is very crowded with
deputies and troopers. They gradually fall silent, looking
at her.

CLARICE (O.S.)
Y'all brought her this far, and I know
her folks would thank you if they
could. Now please - go on out and let
me take care of her... Go on, now.

The men look at one another, a little bashfully, then
begin to to file out, whispering among themselves. As they
go, a bright green body bag is REVEALED, tightly zipped,
lying on a porcelain embalming table. It is almost the
only modern object in this Victorian room, with its glass-
paned cabinets and faded wallpaper, decorated with cabbage
roses.

FAVORING CRAWFORD

as he looks at Clarice with a new degree of respect. Men
brush by him, till finally only two are left: DR. AKIN, a
family g.p., and LAMAR, a lean, whiskey-reddened
mortician. SOUND of the door closing. Lamar dabs around
his nostrils with Vicks VapoRub.

CRAWFORD
(on phone)
We're starting. Tell everybody to
stand by for fingerprint transmission.

CLARICE

at a side counter, has turned back to her open fingerprint
kit. She is lifting out a camera when she hears the ZIPPER
of the body bag being slowly opened, behind her... One
gloved hand flies to her mouth as she reacts,
involuntarily, to the sudden smell. She blinks at her
reflection in the cabinet glass, then steels herself to
turn, look at the corpse.

CLARICE
(pause; softly)
Bill...
44.

She steadies herself by raising her camera, takes a FLASH
photo.

LOW ANGLE - LOOKING UP, FROM BENEATH TABLE

as Dr. Akin gently lifts aside one of the dead girl's
arms. A piece of fishing line, with multiple hooks, is
still snagged around it, dangling. Crawford leans in for
a closer look.

DR. AKIN
Wrongful death... She'll have to go to
the state pathologist at Claxton when
you're done.
(Crawford nods)
I better - get on back for the rest of
that service. Lamar'll help you.
(shaken)
Lord almighty...

He leaves, and Clarice leans INTO SHOT, taking another
photo.

CRAWFORD
What do you see, Starling?

CLARICE
Well, she's not local. Her ears are
pierced three times each, and she's
wearing green glitter nail polish.
Looks like town to me...

CLOSE ANGLE

on the calf of one of the girl's legs, as Clarice trails
the inside of her bare wrist along the skin.

CLARICE (O.S.)
She waxed her legs, I think... A big
girl, just like the others - but she
was careful about her appearance...

UPWARD ANGLE AGAIN

as Lamar joins them for a closer look.

CLARICE
Two of the fingernails are broken off,
and there's - dirt or grit under the
others. She tried to claw her way
through something... I'll scrape out
samples after I've printed her.
45.

She takes another FLASH, then quickly reloads film.

LAMAR
Them fishhooks are set too close
together. No wonder the Franklin boys
was scared to say they found her.

CLARICE
Think they were runnin' a trotline?

Crawford and Lamar both look at her curiously.

CLARICE
(continuing; to
Crawford)
It's a Fish and Game violation. Like
poaching. There's a big fine.

LAMAR
Right... Are you from around here?

CLARICE
They do it lots of places.

CRAWFORD
Get photos of her teeth. Then we'll
fax her fingerprints to Washington,
try to trace her through Missing
Persons.

SIDE ANGLE - CLOSE ON THE DEAD GIRL'S FACE

staring blue eyes, short reddish hair. Clarice sets the
Polaroid, with its special attachments, against the face,
while Lamar gently retracts the lips. Each time the camera
FLASHES, there's a bright glow inside the cheeks.

NEW ANGLE - CHEST HIGH

as Clarice examines a developing print.

CLARICE
She's got something in her throat.

She hands the print to Crawford; he and Lamar look at it,
as she searches in her kit.

LAMAR
When a body comes out of the water,
alots of times there's like, leaves
and things in the mouth.
46.

Clarice holds up a pair of forceps. She glances at
Crawford, who nods. She bends over, partially OUT OF SHOT,
and after a few moments reappears, holding up a small,
brown cylindrical object. She turns this in the air, as
they all stare.

CRAWFORD
What is it - some kind of seed pod?

LAMAR
Nawsir, that's a bug cocoon. But how
come that to get way down in there?
'Less somebody shoved it in...

Clarice and Crawford exchange a glance.

CRAWFORD
She'll be easier to print if we turn
her over. Lamar, will you give me a
hand?

LAMAR
Yessir, I will.

Clarice takes a jar from her kit, carefully drops the
cocoon inside. SOUND of the men's heavy efforts as they
turn over the body, off screen. She seals the jar, staring
into it at the cocoon.

CRAWFORD (O.S.)
Starling - what do you make of these?

She turns to look.

HER POV

low on the corpse's back, over the shoulders, two neat,
triangular patches of skin are missing.

NEW ANGLE - TWO SHOT

as Clarice looks at Crawford.

CLARICE
I don't know. I didn't see those on
any of the other girls...

CRAWFORD
They weren't there. Get close-ups.

Clarice raises her camera, leans in for another FLASH.

CUT TO:
47.

Genres: ["Crime","Mystery","Thriller","Horror"]

Summary Clarice and Crawford arrive at a funeral home to investigate a new victim. They discover strange details, such as pierced ears, green glitter nail polish, and missing patches of skin. They take photos and collect evidence, including a bug cocoon found in the victim's throat. The scene ends with Clarice taking a close-up photo of the triangular patches on the victim's back.

Strengths "Creates suspense and intrigue, reveals new clues about the killer, advances the plot"

Weaknesses "Dialogue could be stronger, emotional impact could be higher"

Critique Overall, this scene is effective in establishing the setting and introducing the main characters. Here are some specific critiques:

1. The dialogue is generally strong and serves the purpose of moving the story forward. However, there are a few moments where it feels a bit forced or expository, such as when Clarice raises her voice and emphasizes her natural accent. It could be more effective to show her frustration and determination through her actions rather than through dialogue.

2. The description of the setting is vivid and paints a clear picture of the embalming room. However, there are a couple of instances where the writing could be tightened up to maintain a more fluid reading experience.

3. The interaction between the characters is realistic and believable. The dynamics between Clarice, Crawford, and Lamar are established well, and their roles and relationships are clear.

4. The revelation of the body and the details uncovered during the examination provide intrigue and hook the reader. This is a strong point in the scene.

Overall, this scene effectively sets up the tone and direction of the story, but it could benefit from some minor tweaks to strengthen the dialogue and improve the flow of the writing.

Suggestions As a screenwriting expert, here are some suggestions to improve the scene:

1. Clarify the objective: It's important to establish what Clarice's objective is in this scene. Is she trying to gather evidence or gain insight into the victim? This will help guide her interactions and actions in the scene.

2. Incorporate visual and auditory cues: Adding specific details and sensory descriptions can enhance the atmosphere and immerse the audience in the scene. For example, instead of just "frustrated by the noisy circus atmosphere," describe the chaos and specific sounds in the embalming room that contribute to the frustration.

3. Strengthen character dynamics: Explore the dynamics between Crawford, Clarice, and the other characters in the room. Clarify their relationships and interactions to add depth and complexity to the scene.

4. Increase tension and stakes: Consider raising the stakes in the scene to create more tension and conflict. This could involve adding a time constraint, complicating the investigation, or introducing an unexpected obstacle.

5. Deepen emotional resonance: Show the emotional impact the task at hand has on Clarice and the other characters. This can be done through their reactions, gestures, or dialogue. Highlight the emotional toll the investigation takes on them.

6. Use symbolism: Consider incorporating symbols or motifs that can be woven throughout the script. These can enhance the themes and provide visual cues for the audience. For example, the Victorian room with its faded wallpaper and glass-paned cabinets could symbolize the past or secrets lurking beneath the surface.

7. Streamline dialogue: Consider condensing and tightening the dialogue to make it more efficient and impactful. Remove unnecessary repetitions or redundancies, ensuring each line serves a specific purpose in advancing the story or revealing character.

8. Consider pacing and flow: Pay attention to the pacing and flow of the scene. Is it clear and easy to follow? Are the actions and reactions smooth and logical? Adjust as needed to maintain the momentum and keep the audience engaged.

9. Enhance visual storytelling: Explore ways to enhance the visual storytelling in the scene. This could involve incorporating more visual cues, utilizing camera angles and movements, or exploring the use of lighting and color to reinforce the mood.

10. Show the impact of discoveries: Highlight the significance of the discoveries made by Clarice and the other characters. Show their reactions and the implications of these findings for the investigation. This will help create a sense of progression and intrigue throughout the scene.

By implementing these suggestions, the overall effectiveness of the scene can be improved, making it more engaging and impactful for the audience.

Scene 15 - Investigating the Funeral Home

Overall: 9.0
Concept: 8
Plot: 9
Characters: 7
Dialogue: 6

EXT. BACK STEPS OF THE FUNERAL HOME - DAY

Clarice sits outside, with her head on her knees, drained.
She looks up wanly as Lamar appears, offers her a can of
Coke.

CLARICE
Thanks, I'm not thirsty.

LAMAR
No, hold it under your chin, there,
and on your temples. Cold'll make you
feel better. It does me.

She smiles, touched, and takes the can. When Lamar sees
Crawford coming outside, he tactfully departs. Crawford
sits beside her; there's a brief silence. She soothes
herself with the can.

CRAWFORD
When I told that sheriff we shouldn't
talk in front of a woman, that really
burned you, didn't it?
(she is silent)
That was just smoke, Starling, I had
to get rid of him. You did well in
there.

CLARICE
It matters, Mr. Crawford... Other cops
know who you are. They look at you to
see how to act... It matters.

CRAWFORD
(beat)
Point taken.

She looks at him a moment, then offers the can. He opens
it.

CRAWFORD
(continuing)
When we get back, I want you to run
that bug by the Smithsonian, see if
they can identify it. Maybe it's got
some limited range, or it only breeds
at certain times of year... You found
it, Starling, you deserve the credit.
48.

CLARICE
I'm wondering if he's done that
before - placed a cocoon, or an
insect. It would be easy to miss in an
autopsy, especially with a floater...
Can we check back on that?

CRAWFORD
(shakes his head)
The other girls are in the ground.
Exhumations are upsetting for the
families. I'll do it if I have to,
but -

CLARICE
Then have the lab check Raspail's head.
(he looks at her)
Dr. Lecter's patient - have them probe
his soft-palette tissues... They'll
find another cocoon.

CRAWFORD
You seem pretty sure of that.

CLARICE
Raspail was killed by the same man
who's killing these girls. And Lecter
knows him. Maybe even treated him...
You think so, too, don't you? Or you'd
never have sent me to that asylum.

He looks at her for a moment, then sips again.

CRAWFORD
Before we caught him, Lecter had a big
psychiatric practice in Baltimore. But
he travelled all over the country -
teaching, consulting... Christ, even
testifying in murder trials. Who knows
how many potential psychos he turned
loose, just for the fun of it...?

DISSOLVE TO:

INT. MR. GUMB'S CELLAR - DAY (DIM LIGHT)

A shadowy male figure looks down at us, leaning over the
edge of a deep hole. He holds a little white poodle in his
arms, stroking it. This is MR. GUMB, aka "Buffalo Bill."
49.

MR. GUMB
(softly)
Rub the cream on your skin. Rub it in
gooood...

CATHERINE MARTIN

looks up at him. She is standing on the cement bottom of
the pit, or oubliette, about 15 feet below floor level.
The pit is bare, except for a futon and a plastic toilet
bucket, from which a thin string rises up to the basement.
She's soaking wet, in an orange jumpsuit, and holds a
squeeze bottle of skin lotion. She struggles to sound calm.

CATHERINE
Mister... my family will pay cash.
Whatever ransom you're askin' for,
they -

REVERSE ANGLE - UP TOWARDS MR. GUMB

MR. GUMB
Rub it in! Or you'll get the hose
again.

The little dog squirms in his arms, BARKING excitedly.

MR. GUMB
(continuing)
Yes, it will, Precious, won't it? It
will get the hose!

SIDE ANGLE - AT PIT BOTTOM

as Catherine kneels, turning slightly away from him.

CATHERINE
(under her breath)
Oh God... oh God...

She unzips her jumpsuit, part-way, then squeezes some of
the lotion onto a palm. She reaches inside her suit, rubs
it on.

CATHERINE
(continuing)
Mister, if you let me go, I won't
press charges, I promise. You've only
has me here a couple days, and -

MR. GUMB (O.S.)
No. Just one day...
50.

CATHERINE
Is that all...? See - see, my mom is
a real important woman... Well, I
guess you already know that. She'll
pay you, no questions asked. Whatever
cause you represent - Iran,
Palestine - she'll see that -

A sudden blinding glare of light silences her. She looks
up, shielding her eyes.

HER POV

a floodlamp is descending, attached to a small basket.

MR. GUMB
Put the bottle in the basket. No funny
business, or you'll be sorry...

NEW ANGLE - CATHERINE

as the basket stops, and she steadies it. But as she slips
the bottle in, she sees something, O.S., just at the
fringe of the light. She hesitates, looks closer... then
begins to scream, hysterically, again and again. Her
outflung hand hits the lamp, and in its swaying glare, we
see - high on the concrete walls, all around her -

BLOODY FINGER TRACKS

dried now, brownish - left by many pairs of frenzied
hands...

CUT TO:

Genres: ["Crime","Thriller","Horror"]

Strengths "Tension-building dialogue, introduction of new plot details, suspenseful ending"

Weaknesses "Some dialogue feels exposition-heavy"

Critique Overall, this scene is effective in building tension and developing the relationship between Clarice and Crawford. However, there are a few areas that could be improved.

Firstly, the physical actions of the characters could be described in more detail. This would help to enhance the visual imagery and make the scene more engaging for the reader. For example, instead of simply stating that Clarice takes the can of Coke, describe how she reaches out her hand, the sound of the can opening, etc.

Additionally, the dialogue could be tightened up to make it more concise and impactful. For example, instead of the back-and-forth between Clarice and Crawford discussing the bug and the cocoon, they could quickly agree on the plan and move on to the next topic. This would help to maintain the momentum of the scene.

Furthermore, the transition between the dialogue on the steps of the funeral home and the scene in Mr. Gumb's cellar could be smoother. Consider using a more seamless transition or a visual cue to connect the two scenes, rather than abruptly cutting to the next location.

Finally, while the description of the cellar scene is vivid and sets a creepy tone, there could be more focus on the emotional state of Catherine Martin. Describe her fear, desperation, and the toll that her captivity has taken on her. This would help to create a stronger connection between the audience and her character.

Overall, this scene has the potential to be engaging and suspenseful, but could benefit from some minor adjustments to enhance the visuals, tighten the dialogue, and strengthen the emotional impact.

Suggestions - Consider adding more visual and sensory details to set the mood and atmosphere of the scene. For example, you can describe the weather, the sounds of the surroundings, and any specific physical sensations the characters experience.
- Develop the emotional journey of Clarice and Lamar more. Show more of their interaction and their feelings towards each other.
- Instead of simply stating that Clarice smiles, show her reaction and the emotions behind it through her body language and facial expressions.
- Add more subtext to the conversation between Crawford and Clarice. Explore the underlying tension and emotions between the two characters.
- Show more of Clarice's investigative skills and deductive reasoning, rather than simply telling the reader what she wants to check or search for.
- Consider using more concise and impactful dialogue that reveals character traits and advances the plot more efficiently.
- Consider adding suspense and tension to the scene in Mr. Gumb's cellar. Use more descriptive language to highlight the dangerous and eerie atmosphere.
- Show Catherine's desperation and fear more vividly, by describing her physical appearance, her actions, and her internal thoughts.
- Set up a strong visual contrast between the back steps of the funeral home and the cellar scene to create a more dynamic and engaging transition.

Scene 16 - Investigating the Victim

Overall: 9.0
Concept: 8
Plot: 9
Characters: 8
Dialogue: 7

INT.CLARICE'S DORM ROOM - FBI ACADEMY - DAWN

Clarice is at her desk, exercising her right hand with the
grip flexer, while simultaneously studying a thick law
book. Ardelia sticks her head in the door, excited.

ARDELIA
You better come see this.

CUT TO:

INT. RECREATION ROOM - FBI ACADEMY - DAWN

CLOSE ON a TV screen, filled with a photo of Catherine
Martin.
51.

TV ANCHOR (V.O.)
... was listed at first simply as a
missing person, but is now believed to
have been kidnapped by the serial
killer known only as "Buffalo Bill."

The photo disappears, replaced by the TV ANCHOR himself.

TV ANCHOR
Memphis Police sources indicate that
the missing girl's blouse has been
identified, sliced up the back, in
what has become a kind of grim calling
card. Young Catherine Martin, as we've
said, is the only daughter of U.S.
Senator Ruth Martin -

CLARICE

looks at Ardelia, surprised. Other trainees are drifting
into the rec room, some whispering among themselves.
Clarice stares back at the TV intently.

TV ANCHOR (O.S.)
... the Republican junior senator from
Tennessee. And while her kidnapping is
not at this point considered to be
politically motivated, nevertheless it
has stirred the government -

BACK ON THE TV ANCHOR

TV ANCHOR
... to its highest levels, the
president himself being said to be,
and I quote, "intensely concerned."
Just moments ago, Senator Martin made
this dramatic personal plea...

SENATOR MARTIN (TV FOOTAGE)

fills the screen, in a halo of lens flare, as she speaks
to a jostling crowd of reporters on the front steps of her
Georgetown home. A tall woman, late 40's, with a strong,
taut face.

SEN. MARTIN
I'm speaking now to the person who is
holding my daughter. Her name is
Catherine... You have the power to let
Catherine go, unharmed. She's very
gentle and kind - talk to her and
you'll see. Her name is Catherine...
52.

Clarice is moved by what she sees. Other trainees are all
around her.

CLARICE
(whispers)
Boy, is that smart...

ARDELIA
Why does she keep repeating the name?

CLARICE
Somebody's coaching her... They're
trying to make him see Catherine as a
person - not just an object.

ON THE TV AGAIN

SEN. MARTIN
You have a chance to show the whole
world that you can be merciful, as
well as strong. Please - I beg you -
release my Catherine...

NEW FOOTAGE

as we see (NIGHT, TELEPHOTO) - a taped-off section of
Catherine's parking lot. Technicians, with instruments,
are kneeling by the crushed grocery bag.

2ND TV ANCHOR (V.O.)
Meanwhile. in Memphis, the
investigation continued throughout the
night, as state and local authorities
were joined at the kidnap scene by
agents of the FBI...

MOVING ANGLE (STILL TV FOOTAGE)

as Jack Crawford is seen striding towards the front door
of Catherine's apartment, followed by Burroughs and other
agents. One of them moves quickly towards the CAMERA,
waving it back.

REC ROOM ANGLE - FAVORING ARDELIA

as the other trainees send up a brief, ironic cheer. But
Ardelia turns sympathetically towards the troubled Clarice.
53.

ARDELIA
I don't know whether to say "I'm
sorry," or "Congratulations." But
girl? - you just went prime time.

CUT TO:

EXT. SMITHSONIAN - MUSEUM OF NATURAL HISTORY - DAY

The massive Victorian building looms over Constitution
Avenue. Clarice quickly mounts the steps, carrying a small
plastic box.

CRAWFORD
I don't think he knew that she's a
Senator's child. She's a big girl,
Starling, like all the rest. We're
going on the theory she was randomly
targeted by size...

CUT TO:

INT. MUSEUM CORRIDOR - DAY

Clarice, now accompanied by a museum guard, walks through
an eerie landscape of dinosaur bones - crouching skeletons
with blank eye sockets, gaping fangs.

CRAWFORD (V.O.)
By now, Bill's had her for 36 hours.
That leaves us just 36 more, before he
kills her... But maybe, just maybe,
Starling, we caught a real break this
time - thanks to you.
(beat)
We found another bug, in Raspail's
head.

CUT TO:

Genres: ["Thriller","Crime"]

Strengths

Intense tone
Strong suspense
Intriguing details

Weaknesses

Dialogue could be stronger

Critique Overall, this scene effectively establishes the inciting incident of the story, which is the kidnapping of Catherine Martin and the subsequent involvement of Clarice and the FBI. The dialogue is engaging and helps to build tension and intrigue. The scene also sets up Senator Martin as a sympathetic character and highlights the stakes of the situation.

However, there are a few areas that could be improved. The transition between Clarice's dorm room and the recreation room at the FBI Academy is somewhat abrupt and could be smoother. Additionally, the description of the TV news anchors could be more vivid and specific, providing more details about their appearance or demeanor. This would help to better characterize the news anchors and make the scene more visually engaging.

Furthermore, the dialogue between Clarice and Ardelia could be expanded to include more of their thoughts and reactions to the information they are receiving. This would give more insight into their characters and their relationship.

Finally, the transition from the TV footage to the conversation between Clarice and Ardelia could be smoother, perhaps by including a brief description of their changing positions or actions.

Overall, this scene effectively introduces the central conflict of the story and establishes the emotional impact on the characters. With a few small improvements, it would be even more engaging for the audience.

Suggestions Overall, this scene is well-written and effectively conveys the important information and emotions. Here are a few suggestions to further improve it:

1. Clarify the location: At the beginning of the scene, it's not clear where Ardelia sticks her head in. Adding a brief description of Clarice's dorm room, such as "INT. CLARICE'S DORM ROOM - FBI ACADEMY - DAWN," would help orient the reader.

2. Visual cues: Add more visual cues to enhance the imagery and immerse the reader in the scene. For example, describe the appearance of Clarice's desk, the thickness of the law book, or the expressions on Clarice and Ardelia's faces as they watch the TV.

3. Character reactions: Show more of Clarice's reaction to the news on the TV. How is she affected emotionally? Does her grip on the flexer tighten, or does her expression change? This will allow the reader to better connect with her character and emphasize the gravity of the situation.

4. Dialogue improvements: Consider adding more dialogue exchanges to provide additional insights and depth to the characters. For example, have Clarice and Ardelia discuss their thoughts and feelings about the abduction or their reactions to Senator Martin's plea. This will add more layers to the scene and make it more engaging for the audience.

5. Transition between scenes: Include a smooth transition between the dorm room scene and the recreation room scene. For example, instead of directly cutting to the recreation room, you could write "FOLLOW ARDELIA as she leads Clarice towards the recreation room" or use a simple transition line like "LATER" before the new scene heading.

6. Descriptive language: Use vivid and engaging language when describing Senator Martin's appearance and her plea on TV. This will help create a more memorable and impactful visual for the reader.

By implementing these suggestions, you can enhance the scene and make it even more compelling for the audience.

Scene 17 - Investigating the Victim

Overall: 9.0
Concept: 8
Plot: 9
Characters: 7
Dialogue: 6

INT. MUSEUM OFFICE - DAY

CLOSE ON an live, enormous, rhinoceros beetle, as it
weaves its clumsy way among the men on a chessboard,
before finally stepping off the edge, onto a lettuce leaf.

RODEN (V.O.)
Time, Pilch! My move.

PILCHER (V.O.)
No fair! You lured him with produce.
54.

WIDER ANGLE

shows two entomologists, both 30ish, hunched over the
board. RODEN is a pudgy redhead; PILCHER is lean, quite
handsome.

RODEN
Tough noogies! It's still my turn.

CLARICE (O.S.)
If the beetle moves one of your men,
does that count?

They look up, delighted to see Clarice in the doorway.
Both men are hopelessly smitten by her.

RODEN
Of course it counts. How do you play?

PILCHER
(grins)
Officer Starling. Welcome back.

CUT TO:

INT. ENTOMOLOGY CORRIDOR - DAY

MOVING ANGLE as Clarice and the two men go briskly down a
hall lined with mounted insects, in all shapes and sizes.
Roden peers at Clarice's new cocoon, in its box.

RODEN
Where the hell did this one come from?
It's practically mush.

CLARICE
You really don't want to know.

PILCHER
Your West Virginia specimen gave us
quite a bit of trouble, but I finally
managed to narrow his species through
chaetaxy - studying the skin.

RODEN
I'm the one who found his perforating
proboscis! Are you wearing a gun,
right now?
(Clarice nods)
Ooh, cool! Can I see it? Can I?
55.

PILCHER
Just ignore him. He's not a Ph.D.

CUT TO:

INT. LABORATORY - DAY

VERY CLOSE (MAGNIFICATION) on the sliced cocoon, as Roden
uses tweezers and a dental probe to ease out the sodden
chrysalis.

RODEN (O.S.)
The whole trick is to remove the
chrysalis without destroying it... The
wings are just like wet tissue paper...

THE TWO MEN

are hunched over a formica table, peering through square
magnifiers into stainless trays. Clarice watches
curiously. Of their two specimens, Pilcher's moth is in
much better condition - a big brown creature, its wings
outspread on towel paper.

PILCHER
(without looking up)
What do you do when you're not
detecting, Officer Starling?

CLARICE
I try to be a student, Dr. Pilcher.

PILCHER
Ever get out for cheeseburgers and
beer? The amusing house wine...?

CLARICE
(smiles)
Not lately. But maybe someday.

He looks up at her, shyly. A little moment passes between
them, before Roden straightens, exultant.

RODEN
Positive match!

CLARICE
You're sure?
56.

RODEN
(points with his
dental probe)
West Virginia... Baltimore. Officer
Starling, meet Mister Acherontia styx.

He moves aside for Clarice to get a closer look at
Pilcher's specimen. She leans forward, intently.

HER POV (MAGNIFICATION)

the wide, furry, brown back of the moth. And there, right
between the wing bases - wonderful and terrible to see -
is nature's perfect reproduction of a ghostly human skull.

RODEN (O.S.)
Better known to his friends as the
Death's-head Moth...

PILCHER (O.S.)
The Latin name comes from two rivers
in Hell. Your man - he drops these
girls into rivers, every time. Didn't
I read that?

FAVORING CLARICE

as she looks up at him, awed, excited, almost trembling.

CLARICE
And there's no way - no natural way -
these could've wound up in the bodies?

PILCHER
(shakes his head)
They live in Malaysia. In this
country, they'd have to be specially
raised, from imported eggs.

CLARICE
(pause, then softly)
Dr. Lecter...

As the two men stare at her, puzzled, we hear a SOUND
UPCUT - the wail of police SIRENS - and...

CUT TO:

EXT. U.S. ROUTE 95 - DAY (AERIAL SHOT)

An awesome armada of police vehicles swings through an
intersection, while normal traffic is held back by highway
patrol cruisers.
57.

The lead cars turn off, hit the entrance ramp to the
freeway - SIRENS going, tires SQUEALING, red flashers...

CLOSER ANGLE

on a speeding surveillance van, with long antennas and a
small satellite dish, near the head of the motorcade.

CRAWFORD (V.O.)
Maybe we can trace how he buys the
bugs, starting with U.S. Customs...

CUT TO:

Genres: ["Mystery","Thriller"]

Summary Clarice and Crawford arrive at a funeral home to investigate a new victim. They discover strange details on the victim's body and collect evidence. The scene ends with Clarice taking a close-up photo of the triangular patches on the victim's back.

Strengths "Strong suspense and discovery of key evidence."

Weaknesses "Dialogue could be stronger."

Critique As a screenwriting expert, I would critique this scene by focusing on a few key elements:

1. Setting: The scene begins in a museum office and then transitions to an entomology corridor and a laboratory. The setting establishes the world of the story and gives the audience a sense of the characters' expertise in their field.

2. Characterization: The characters of Roden, Pilcher, and Clarice are introduced through their dialogue and actions. Roden is depicted as playful and competitive, Pilcher as knowledgeable and charming, and Clarice as intelligent and curious. These traits help to establish their dynamic and set up potential conflicts or relationships.

3. Dialogue: The dialogue in this scene is natural and effective in conveying the characters' personalities and the information they need to share. It includes playful banter, scientific explanations, and hints at the broader story and the nature of the serial killer they are investigating.

4. Visuals: The scene includes visual descriptions of the insects, their specimens, and their movements. These descriptions help to create a vivid and engaging visual world for the audience, emphasizing the importance of these insects to the story and the characters.

5. Foreshadowing: The reveal of the Death's-head Moth with its skull-like marking is a powerful moment of foreshadowing. It hints at the nature of the killer they are pursuing and adds an element of intrigue and suspense to the scene.

Overall, this scene effectively introduces the characters, establishes their expertise, and sets up key elements of the story. The dialogue and visuals work together to engage the audience and build anticipation for what is to come.

Suggestions 1. Provide clearer descriptions: The scene begins with a close-up of the rhinoceros beetle, but it is unclear where exactly it is. Consider specifying its location, such as on the edge of the chessboard or on a nearby table. Additionally, describe the entomologists and Clarice in more detail so that readers can visualize them better.

2. Add more visual elements: The scene predominantly consists of dialogue, but it would benefit from more visual moments. Consider including actions or gestures that enhance the characters' personalities or add depth to the scene. For example, instead of just saying the entomologists are hunched over the formica table, describe their focused expressions or gestures as they examine the specimens.

3. Clarify the setting transitions: The scene abruptly shifts from the museum office to the entomology corridor, and then to the laboratory. It would be helpful to clearly establish the physical location in each scene transition, either through a description of the new setting or through a transitional sentence.

4. Specify character emotions: When Clarice sees the moth's wings and realizes its significance, it mentions that she is "awed, excited, almost trembling." However, these emotions could be emphasized more clearly in the script. Consider adding specific actions or expressions to show her increasing excitement or awe in a visual way.

5. Streamline dialogue: Some of the dialogue exchanges feel a bit lengthy and could be tightened to enhance the pace. For instance, consider condensing the conversation between Pilcher and Clarice about cheeseburgers and beer, while still preserving the flirty interaction between them.

6. Inclusion of visual cues: The scene mentions a sliced cocoon and moth specimens, but it would be helpful to include more visual cues that demonstrate the significance of these objects. For example, describe the texture or appearance of the sliced cocoon and Pilcher's moth to better convey their importance to the story.

Scene 18 - Investigating the Victim

Overall: 8.0
Concept: 7
Plot: 9
Characters: 8
Dialogue: 8

INT. THE SURVEILLANCE VAN - DAY (DRIVING)

The van is crammed with an impressive array of hi-tech
equipment, all CLICKING and HUMMING. Burroughs is talking
quietly on a scrambler phone, while another agent works a
computer.

CRAWFORD (O.S.)
Maybe we can locate some of Raspail's
old lovers. Maybe, someday...

CLARICE AND CRAWFORD

sit in swivel seats at the rear, by a big window. Clarice
can't resits an occasional peak at the trailing motorcade,
awed and a bit thrilled to be the center of so much
attention.

CRAWFORD
But for Catherine Martin, it all comes
down to you and Lecter. You're the one
he talks to.

CLARICE
He's already offered to help... What
would happen if we just showed our
cards - asked him for Bill?

CRAWFORD
He offered to help, Starling, not to
snitch. That wouldn't give him enough
chance to show off. Remember, Lecter
looks mainly for fun. Never forget fun.

CLARICE
But if he knew we have so little time -
58.

CRAWFORD
If we act too anxious, he'll make us
wait. He'll let the Senator keep
hoping, day after day, until Catherine
finally washes up. That'd be the most
fun of all.

CLARICE
I think he means it, this time. I
think he'll deal.

CRAWFORD
What would it take?

CLARICE
Transfer to a new prison. With a view
of trees, he said, or even water...
Can we swing that?

CRAWFORD
(shakes his head)
State to federal jurisdiction... We
can do it - eventually - but we'll
never get all the clearances in time.
Can you convince him a deal's already
in place?

CLARICE
You'll back me up with some paperwork?
(he nods)
Then I'll try. But wouldn't this have
more weight coming from the Senator
herself?

CRAWFORD
(hesitates)
She doesn't know what we're up to. And
we can't afford to let her find out.

Clarice looks at him, surprised.

CRAWFORD
(continuing)
She's the mother, Starling. She can't
possibly comprehend what Lecter is.
She'd make the mistake of pleading
with him. Begging him... He'd feast on
her pain till the last second of that
girl's life...

CUT TO:
59.

INT. BALTIMORE STATE HOSP. FOR THE CRIMINALLY INSANE - DAY

Chilton approaches, walking briskly down a corridor in the
administration wing. He looks quite agitated.

CRAWFORD (V.O.)
We can't trust Frederick Chilton,
either. He's greedy and ambitious. If
he knew about Lecter's link to Bill,
he's go straight to the newspapers...

Chilton falls into step beside Clarice, who has her
briefcase. He points his gold pen at her accusingly.

CHILTON
What you're doing, Miss Starling, is
coming into my hospital to conduct an
interview, and refusing to share
information with me. For the third
time!

CLARICE
Dr. Chilton, I told you - this is just
routine follow-up on the Raspail case.

CHILTON
He's my patient! I have rights!
(grabs her arm,
stopping her)
I'm not just some turnkey, Miss
Starling. I shouldn't even be here
this afternoon. I had a ticket to
Holiday on Ice.

She stares at him, with pity and distaste, till he lets go.

CLARICE
I'm acting on instruction, Dr. Chilton.
(handing him a card)
This is the U.S. Attorney's number.
Now please - either discuss this with
him, or let me do my job.

She walks away, leaving him speechless with frustration
and hostility. He clicks his pen, watching her go.

CUT TO:

Genres: ["Thriller","Crime","Mystery"]

Strengths "Suspenseful tone, attention to detail in the investigation, strong conflict between characters"

Weaknesses "Some exposition-heavy dialogue, lacking a strong emotional impact"

Critique Overall, this scene is well-written and effectively establishes the setting and characters. The dialogue between Clarice and Crawford reveals important information about their motivations and the dynamics of their relationship. The use of the surveillance van and hi-tech equipment adds tension and intrigue to the scene.

One suggestion for improvement would be to add more subtext and depth to the conversation between Clarice and Crawford. While the dialogue provides necessary exposition, it could benefit from more emotional subtext or conflict, which would add complexity to their characters and make the scene more engaging.

Additionally, the introduction of Chilton adds an interesting dynamic to the scene, but his dialogue and actions could be further developed to make him a more compelling and multi-dimensional character.

Overall, this scene effectively sets up the various conflicts and motivations of the characters, but could benefit from further development of emotional subtext and deeper character exploration.

Suggestions Here are some suggestions to improve the scene:

1. Add more visual descriptions: Currently, the scene is heavy on dialogue and lacks visual cues. Including more visual descriptions can help the reader imagine the scene more vividly. For example, describe the lighting in the van, the agents' appearances, and the specific hi-tech equipment being used.

2. Provide more context: It's not clear what the characters are trying to achieve in this scene. Consider adding a brief setup to clarify the goals and stakes. This could involve mentioning the main mission or objective of the characters, which could help create suspense and tension.

3. Increase the sense of urgency: The conversation between Clarice and Crawford lacks a sense of urgency, even though they are dealing with a time-sensitive situation. Try to inject more urgency into their conversation by emphasizing the limited time they have or by showing the consequences of not finding the information they need in time.

4. Show non-verbal interactions: In addition to dialogue, include some non-verbal interactions between the characters to add depth and emotion to the scene. This could involve showing their body language, reactions, or gestures. For example, you could describe Clarice's nervousness or Crawford's frustration through their physical actions.

5. Strengthen the conflict: The conflict between Clarice and Chilton could be intensified to create more tension. Consider adding more back-and-forth exchanges between them, highlighting their opposing motives or desires. This can help create a more dynamic and engaging scene.

6. Create a stronger visual transition: The transition from the van scene to the Baltimore State Hospital scene could be improved with a stronger visual transition. Consider including a clear and concise description that seamlessly connects the two scenes, creating a smooth transition for the reader.

By implementing these suggestions, you can enhance the overall effectiveness and impact of this scene in the movie script.

Scene 19 - Negotiating with Lecter

Overall: 9.0
Concept: 8
Plot: 9
Characters: 10
Dialogue: 10

INT. DR. LECTER'S CELL AND CORRIDOR - DAY

Dr. Lecter sits at his table, languidly sketching with
charcoal on butcher paper.
60.

He uses his own hand and forearm as a model. His other
drawings, books, and bedding have been restored.

DR. LECTER
Wouldn't you say, Clarice, that for a
United States Senator, you're an odd
choice of messenger?

Clarice, sitting again at the desk-chair, is taking papers
from her briefcase.

CLARICE
I was your choice, Dr. Lecter. You
chose to speak to me. Would you prefer
someone else now? Or perhaps you don't
think you can help us.

DR. LECTER
That is both impudent and untrue...
Tell me, how did you feel when you
viewed our Billy's latest effort?
(beat; he smiles)
Or should I say, his "next-to-latest"?

CLARICE
By the book, he's a sadist.

DR. LECTER
Life's too slippery for books,
Clarice. Typhoid and swans came from
the same God.
(beat)
Tell me, Miss West Virginia - was she
a large girl?

CLARICE
Yes.

DR. LECTER
Big through the hips. Roomy.

CLARICE
They all were.

DR. LECTER
Mmm. And what else...?

CLARICE
She had an insect deliberately
inserted in her throat. That hasn't
been made public yet. We don't know
what is means.
61.

DR. LECTER
Was it a butterfly?

CLARICE
(pause; staring at
him)
A moth... How did you predict that?

DR. LECTER
I'm waiting for your offer, Clarice.
Enchant me. Clarice looks down at her
papers, taking a moment to collect her
thoughts. She looks up at him again,
evenly.

CLARICE
If you help us find Buffalo Bill in
time to save Catherine Martin, the
Senator promises you a transfer to the
V.A. hospital at Oneida Park, New
York, with a view of the woods nearby.
Maximum security still applies, but
you'd have reasonable access to books.

He is silent. She rises, moves closer, carrying papers.

CLARICE
(continuing)
Best of all, though - one week a year
you'd get to leave the hospital and go
here.
(points to a map)
Plum Island. Every afternoon of that
week you can walk on the beach or swim
in the ocean for up to one hour. Under
SWAT team surveillance, of course...

His face remains neutral. She puts the papers in his food
tray.

CLARICE
(continuing)
Copy of the Buffalo Bill case file,
copy of Senator Martin's terms. Her
offer is final and non-negotiable. If
Catherine dies -
(she slides his tray
through)
You get nothing.

A measured beat, before he rises smoothly, crosses, and
looks down at the papers, without touching them.
62.

DR. LECTER
"Plum Island Animal Disease Research
Center." Sounds charming.

CLARICE
That's just part of the island. It has
a very nice beach. Terns nest there.

DR. LECTER
Terns... If I help you, Clarice, it
will be "turns" with us, too. Quid pro
quo. I tell you things, you tell me
things. Not about this case, though -
about yourself. Yes or no?
(she is silent)
Yes or no, Clarice. Catherine is
waiting. Tick-tock, tick-tock...

She looks at him. A beat. They are standing uncomfortably
close.

CLARICE
Go, Doctor.

DR. LECTER
What's your worst memory of childhood?
(she hesitates)
Quicker than that. I'm not interested
in your worst invention.

CLARICE
The death of my father.

DR. LECTER
Tell me. Don't lie, or I'll know.

Clarice cannot bear the feverish excitement in his eyes.
She looks past him, hesitating again.

CLARICE
He was a town marshal... one night he
surprised two burglars, coming out the
back of a drugstore... They shot him.

DR. LECTER
Killed outright?

CLARICE
No. He was strong, he lasted almost a
month. My mother - dies when I was
very young, so my father had become -
the whole world to me... After he left
me, I had nobody. I was ten years old.
63.

DR. LECTER
You're very frank, Clarice. I think -
it would be quite something to know
you in private life.

CLARICE
Quid pro quo, Doctor.

DR. LECTER
The significance of the moth is
change. Caterpillar into cocoon into
beauty... Billy wants to change, too,
Clarice. But there's the problem of
his size, you see. Even if he were a
woman, he'd have to be a big one...

CLARICE
(puzzled)
Dr. Lecter, there's no correlation in
the literature between transsexualism
and violence. Transsexuals are very
passive.

DR. LECTER
Clever girl. You're so close to the
way you're going to catch him - do you
realize that?

CLARICE
No. Tell me why.

DR. LECTER
After your father's death, you were
orphaned. What happened next?
(Clarice drops her
gaze)
I don't imagine the answer's on those
second-rate shoes, Clarice.

CLARICE
I went to live with my mother's cousin
and her husband in Montana. They had
a ranch.

DR. LECTER
A cattle ranch?

CLARICE
Horses - and sheep...

DR. LECTER
How long did you live there?
64.

CLARICE
Two months.

DR. LECTER
Why so briefly?

CLARICE
I - ran away...

DR. LECTER
Why, Clarice? Did the rancher fuck you?

CLARICE
(angrily)
No.

DR. LECTER
Did he try to?

CLARICE
No...! Quid pro quo, Doctor.

DR. LECTER
Billy's not a real transsexual, but he
thinks he is. He tries to be. He's
tried to be a lot of things, I except.

CLARICE
You said - I was very close to the way
we'd catch him.

DR. LECTER
There are three major centers for
transsexual surgery: Johns Hopkins,
the University of Minnesota, and
Columbus Medical center. I wouldn't be
surprised if Billy has applied for sex
reassignment at one or all of them,
and been rejected.

CLARICE
On what basis would they reject him?

DR. LECTER
The personality inventories would trip
him up. Rorschach, Wechsler, House-
Tree-Person... He wouldn't test like
a real transsexual.

CLARICE
How would he test?
65.

Suddenly Dr. Lecter snarls, loudly, stretching. Clarice
take a sharp step backwards before he smiles, turning his
movement into an elaborate yawn. He gathers the papers
from his tray.

DR. LECTER
That's enough, I think. Happy hunting.
Oh, and Clarice - next time you will
tell me why you ran away. Shall I
summarize?

CLARICE
(shaken)
Yes, Doctor. Please.

CUT TO:

Genres: ["Thriller","Crime"]

Summary Clarice negotiates with Dr. Lecter, offering him a deal to help find Buffalo Bill and save Catherine. Dr. Lecter agrees, but only if Clarice opens up about her own past. They discuss the significance of the moth found on Bill's victims and the possibility of him being a failed transsexual. The scene ends with Dr. Lecter demanding to know why Clarice ran away from her cousin's ranch.

Strengths "Intense dialogue, character development"

Weaknesses "Some repetition in dialogue"

Critique Overall, this scene is well-written and engaging. The dialogue between Dr. Lecter and Clarice is tense and reveals important information about the characters and plot. The scene effectively builds suspense and keeps the audience engaged.

However, there are a few areas where the scene could be improved. Firstly, the physical actions and movements of the characters could be more described to enhance the visual aspect of the scene. For example, instead of simply saying Dr. Lecter sits at his table sketching, more detail about his body language and facial expressions could be included to provide a better visual image.

Secondly, the scene could benefit from more descriptive language to create a clearer atmosphere and mood. For example, instead of saying Dr. Lecter sits "languidly," more description of his demeanor and environment could be included to create a more vivid and immersive experience for the audience.

Additionally, the transitions between Dr. Lecter and Clarice's dialogue could be smoother. Some of the shifts in topic and tone feel abrupt and could be better connected to create a more natural flow.

Overall, this scene effectively creates tension and reveals important information, but could benefit from more vivid descriptions and smoother transitions.

Suggestions One suggestion for improving this scene is to make it more visually engaging. Currently, the majority of the scene consists of dialogue between Dr. Lecter and Clarice. Consider adding some visual elements to break up the dialogue and make the scene more visually dynamic. This could involve showing more of Dr. Lecter's sketching, showing close-ups of his facial expressions, or incorporating shots of the cell and corridor to give the scene a stronger sense of place.

Additionally, consider incorporating more subtext and tension into the dialogue between Dr. Lecter and Clarice. This can be done by using more nonverbal cues, such as body language or facial expressions, to convey their true thoughts and feelings. For example, instead of outright saying "Go, Doctor" at the end of the scene, Clarice could convey her mixed emotions through her body language or a subtle pause before speaking.

Lastly, consider tightening up the dialogue to make it more concise and impactful. Eliminate any unnecessary repetition or excessive dialogue tags, and focus on conveying the essence of what each character is trying to communicate in a more succinct manner. This will help keep the scene engaging and maintain the audience's interest.

Scene 20 - Investigating the Victim

Overall: 9.0
Concept: 8
Plot: 9
Characters: 8
Dialogue: 9

INT. MR. GUMB'S CELLAR - DAY

VERY CLOSE ON a cocoon, split along its back, as a living
Death's-head Moth wriggles torturously free. Trembling and
damp, the new creature clings to a sprig of nightshade.

DR. LECTER (V.O.)
You should try to obtain a list of
males rejected from all three gender
reassignment centers...

PULLING BACK

we see a big wire cage, holding several of the moths. They
crawl over the humus floor or feed at honeycombs, wings
pumping lazily. In the distant background, the incongruous
SOUND of show music.

DR. LECTER (V.O.)
Check first the ones rejected for
lying about criminal records...

CONTINUOUS MOVING ANGLE

at about knee level, as we leave the cage, and begin to
TRAVEL through this eerie, dimly-lit warren of a cellar.
As we go - occasionally TURNING corners, or skirting the
dark openings of unexplored passages - various objects
loom briefly INTO VIEW, overhead - a stainless-steel work
table... a big sink... jars of chemicals... neat racks of
gleaming knives...
66.

DR. LECTER (V.O.)
Among those who tried to conceal their
past, look for severe childhood
disturbances, associated with
violence... Possibly you'll find a
childhood incarceration... Then go to
their personality tests...

We pass a row of female mannequins, some nude, some
wearing colorful leather jackets, designer knockoffs, in
various stages of completion... then a huge maroon
armoire, in Chinese lacquer; its double doors are slightly
ajar... The jaunty background. MUSIC is growing even
louder: Fats Waller singing "Bye Bye Baby." And now we
hear something else, too - the rapid CLICKING of a sewing
machine...

DR. LECTER (V.O.)
(continuing)
Study their drawings, especially.
Billy's house drawings will show no
happy future... No baby carriage, out
in the yard. No pets, no toys, no
flowers, no sun...

We TURN another corner, and there is Mr. Gumb himself. As
we APPROACH, his wide back is to us; he's hunched over an
old-fashioned sewing machine, humming cheerfully, and
working a piece of material that we mercifully cannot see.
A female wig rests near him on a head form. He wears a
hairnet and a beautiful kimono, and pumps the treadle with
his bare feet.

DR. LECTER (V.O.)
(continuing)
His females will be more crudely
sketched than him males - but he'll
compensate by adding exaggerated
adornments... jewelry, big breasts...
And his tree drawings - oh, his trees
will be frightful...

Next to Mr. Gumb is an antique phonograph - source of the
MUSIC. His little dog, Precious, perches by his plump
ankles. As we PASS Mr. Gumb, Precious scurries away from
him, panting happily, and we FOLLOW the little dog down
another corridor, the music starting to fade behind us...
67.

DR. LECTER (V.O.)
(continuing)
Billy hates his own identity, he
always has - and he thinks that makes
him a transsexual. But his pathology
is a thousand times more savage... He
wants to be reborn, Clarice. He will
be reborn...

At the end of this final corridor, the cellar widens into
a low-ceilinged chamber, with two additional doorways, and
in the center of this is the gaping circle of the
oubliette. Precious sniffs her way over to the edge -
excited, tail wagging - than BARKS happily as we hear a
hoarse, ghostly moan from below.

CATHERINE (O.S.)
Pleeeeeeeease.....!

DISSOLVE TO:

INT. DR. LECTER'S CORRIDOR - DAY

MOVING ANGLE - CLOSE ON Dr. Lecter's slippered feet, which
rest on the shelf of a rolling hand truck. RISING along
his tilted form, we see that his ankles are linked by
steel restraints... his legs, waist, upper torso, and arms
are bound by heavy canvas webbing... beneath the webbing
is a strait-jacket... and over his face is a hockey mask.

CHILTON (V.O.)
Bad news, Hannibal...

WIDER ANGLE

shows that Dr. Lecter, on the handtruck, is being pushed
down his corridor by Barney, and back into his open cell.

CHILTON (V.O.)
Gourmet magazine has rejected your
recipe for braised kidneys...

CUT TO:

Genres: ["Crime","Thriller","Horror"]

Strengths "Strong tension and suspense, well-developed investigation process"

Weaknesses "Lacks significant character development"

Critique Overall, the scene is well-written and effectively creates a sense of tension and unease. The visuals and descriptions are vivid and help to paint a clear picture of the setting and characters. Additionally, the use of voiceover from Dr. Lecter adds to the suspense and provides insight into his character.

One suggestion for improvement would be to provide more clarity in the transition between different locations. The scene moves from Mr. Gumb's cellar to Dr. Lecter's corridor without a clear indication, which can be a bit confusing for the reader. Adding brief scene headings or transitional language can help to make the shift more seamless.

Additionally, it would be beneficial to provide more context and background information about the characters and their motivations. While Dr. Lecter's voiceover provides some insight, further development of the characters' personalities and motivations can enhance the scene and make it more engaging for the audience.

Suggestions Overall, the scene is well-written and sets up a mysterious and eerie atmosphere. However, here are a few suggestions to enhance the scene:

1. Add more visual descriptions: While the scene does provide some visual details, you can further enhance the visuals by adding more specific and vivid descriptions. For example, instead of "big wire cage," you could describe it as a "rusty, dilapidated wire cage, barely holding together."

2. Vary sentence structure: The majority of the scene consists of long, descriptive sentences. To add variety and create a more engaging read, consider mixing in shorter, punchier sentences.

3. Clarify location: At the beginning of the scene, it would be helpful to provide a brief description or indication of where the cellar is located. Is it in a house, a basement, or another type of building?

4. Develop the relationship between Mr. Gumb and Precious: The presence of Precious adds an interesting dynamic to the scene, but it needs further development. You can show more interaction between Mr. Gumb and his dog or establish their bond through actions or dialogue.

5. Deepen the tension: To increase the tension and suspense, consider adding moments where the audience isn't sure what will happen next. For example, you could add a moment of uncertainty when Mr. Gumb turns around, revealing the piece of material he is working on.

6. Use dialogue effectively: The use of Dr. Lecter's voiceover dialogue adds depth to the scene. Consider adding some dialogue for Mr. Gumb or use their interactions to add a layer of psychological tension.

7. Clarify transitions: As the scene moves through different areas of the cellar, it would be helpful to provide clearer transitions to indicate the passage of time or the movement from one location to another.

8. Heighten the sensory details: Along with visual descriptions, incorporate other sensory details such as smells, sounds, or textures to further immerse the reader in the scene.

While these suggestions are meant to enhance the scene, ultimately, it is up to the writer and director to decide what best suits their vision for the movie.

Scene 21 - Negotiations and Betrayal

Overall: 9.0
Concept: 8
Plot: 9
Characters: 10
Dialogue: 9

INT. DR. LECTER'S CELL - DAY

Chilton lounges on Dr. Lecter's cot, casually reading his
large stack of private correspondence, and making
notations with his gold pen on a little pad. Another
orderly mops the floor.
68.

CHILTON
Perhaps you should have been less
specific about what kind.
(to Barney)
Stand him by the toilet. Then leave us.

Barney props the hand truck into position, then both
orderlies go. Chilton finishes another letter, sighs
happily.

CHILTON
(continuing)
Such a lot of correspondence! I can
hardly wait to analyze it in more
detail... But first things first.

Tossing letters onto the cot, he rises, crosses out into
the corridor, and bends to remove a small tape recorder
from underneath Clarice's desk. He waggles it triumphantly
at Dr. Lecter.

CHILTON
(continuing)
I thought she might be looking for a
civil rights violation in Migg's
death, so I bugged you... Not a word
to me in all these years, Hannibal.
Then Crawford sends his bit of fluff
over here, and you just turn to jelly.
It's too pathetic.

SIDE ANGLE - TWO SHOT

as Chilton, back in the cell, leans tauntingly close to
the front of Dr. Lecter's mask.

CHILTON
You still think you're going to walk
on some beach, and see the birdies? I
don't think so, Hannibal... I called
Senator Ruth Martin, and she never
heard of any deal with you. She never
heard of Clarice Starling, either.
They scammed you, Hannibal...

CLOSE ON Dr. Lecter's glittering eyes, behind their slits.

CHILTON
(continuing)
When Crawford gets through milking
you, he's giving you to Baltimore
Homicide for the Raspail murder.
(more)
69.

CHILTON (cont'd)
And they're preparing some special
surprises for you right now, in my
electroshock room.

DR. LECTER'S POV (FRAMED BY EYE-SLITS)

first looking at Chilton's moving lips... then LOWERING to
his soft, white, inviting throat...

CHILTON
The Starling bitch wants you to rot
here, in this little box, till your
teeth fall out and you're soiling
diapers. You've seen the old ones,
Hannibal. They weep when their stewed
peaches get cold. That'll be you, too.
Unless - you trade with me.

FAVORING CHILTON

as he sits chummily on the table.

CHILTON
There never was a deal with Senator
Martin - but there is now. I've been
on the phone for hours, Hannibal, on
your behalf. Here's what you get: if
you identify Buffalo Bill, and the
girl is found in time, Senator Martin
will have you transferred to Brushy
Mountain State Prison, in Tennessee...

CLOSE AGAIN ONDR. LECTER'S EYES

as they shift restlessly, away from Chilton - then
suddenly lock onto something. They widen with interest.

CHILTON (O.S.)
The Governor has already agreed. You
get books, a view of the woods, and
plenty of exercise time...

DR. LECTER'S POV - EXTREME CLOSEUP

On the cot, carelessly left there, lying half-hidden under
the letters and the rumpled sheet... is Chilton's gold pen.

CHILTON (O.S.)
And best of all, you'd be out of Jack
Crawford's reach, forever. The Senator
will verify these terms on the phone,
and guarantee them in writing...
70.

BACK ON DR. LECTER

as he stares a moment longer at the pen, then shifts his
eyes towards Chilton. We can almost hear his brain
clicking.

CHILTON (O.S.)
In exchange, I get your full
cooperation in publishing a
professional account of this - my
successful interviews with you. You
publish nothing. And I get exclusive
access to any material from Catherine
Martin... So. Do you accept my demands?
(pause)
Answer me, Hannibal.

A beat. Dr. Lecter is silent. Chilton sticks his face INTO
SHOT, almost intimately close to the mask. He is agitated.

CHILTON
You'll answer me now, or by God,
you'll answer to Baltimore Homicide.
Who is Buffalo Bill?

DR. LECTER
(pause; then softly)
I'll tell the Senator herself. But
only in Tennessee...

CUT TO:

Genres: ["Crime","Thriller"]

Strengths

Intense dialogue
Revealing character dynamics
Suspenseful negotiations

Weaknesses

Some exposition-heavy dialogue

Critique Overall, this scene is well-written with strong dialogue and tension building between the characters. Here are some specific critiques:

1. Setting: The scene takes place in Dr. Lecter's cell, but the description of the setting could be expanded upon. Include more sensory details to create a clearer image in the reader's mind.

2. Character actions: While Chilton's actions of lounging on the cot and reading the correspondence add to his arrogance and disregard for boundaries, it might be helpful to have him do something more active to show his manipulation and cunning. This could include him taking pleasure in taunting Dr. Lecter or physically provoking him in some way.

3. Action beats: Including action beats can help break up dialogue and provide more visual interest. For example, instead of just stating that Chilton "sits chummily on the table," show him fidgeting with his pen or nervously tapping his fingers.

4. Use of POVs: The use of Dr. Lecter's point of view is effective in showing his reactions to Chilton's words, but consider adding more description of his facial expressions or body language to enhance the tension even further.

5. Clarice Starling: It would be helpful to provide some context or connection to Clarice Starling earlier in the scene, as her presence and relationship with Dr. Lecter seems to be a driving factor in Chilton's manipulation.

Overall, the scene effectively builds tension and establishes the power dynamics between Dr. Lecter and Chilton. With some minor adjustments to the setting, character actions, and use of POVs, this scene can become even more engaging for the reader.

Suggestions Here are some suggestions to improve the scene:

- Clarify the physical actions and movements of the characters to create a clearer visual image for the reader. For example, instead of "Chilton lounges on Dr. Lecter's cot," you could write "Chilton sprawls lazily on Dr. Lecter's cot, his feet propped up on the edge."

- Use more descriptive language and imagery to engage the reader. For example, instead of "Chilton finishes another letter, sighs happily," you could write "Chilton relishes the final stroke of his pen, a triumphant grin spreading across his face as he joyfully sighs."

- Consider adding more specific dialogue that reveals the characters' personalities and motivations. For example, you could give Dr. Lecter a line that showcases his intelligence and manipulation, and Chilton a line that demonstrates his arrogance and desperation.

- Add more sensory details to immerse the reader in the scene. For example, describe the smells, sounds, or temperature of the cell to make it feel more real.

- Consider adding more tension and conflict to the scene by adding a power struggle between Chilton and Dr. Lecter. This could be done through their dialogue or physical actions.

- Consider pacing and balance. The scene could benefit from some moments of suspense or anticipation to keep the reader engaged. Maybe Dr. Lecter could hesitate before giving his answer, building up the suspense.

Overall, these suggestions aim to enhance the visual and emotional impact of the scene, as well as deepen the characterization and conflict.

Scene 22 - Negotiations and Ultimatums

Overall: 9.0
Concept: 8
Plot: 9
Characters: 10
Dialogue: 9

INT. JOHNS HOPKINS - GENDER IDENTITY CLINIC - DAY

MOVING ANGLE - as the very impatient Crawford, clutching
a folder, strides down a hall beside DR. DANIELSON - early
50's, severe, in a lab coat. Nurses, doctors, glance as
they pass.

DR. DANIELSON
I'm not having a witch hunt here, Mr.
Crawford! Our patients are decent, non-
violent people with a real problem.

CRAWFORD
Dr. Danielson, the man we want was
never your patient. It would be
someone you refused because he tries
to conceal a record of criminal
violence. Please, Doctor - time is
eating us up. Just show me the ones
you've turned away.
71.

Danielson enters a cramped, stainless steel nurse's
gallery, with Crawford following, and pours himself a cup
of coffee.

DR. DANIELSON
(adamantly)
Examination and interview materials
are confidential. We've never violated
an applicant's trust, and we never
will.

CRAWFORD
You want to see a violation? This is
a violation...

He takes a black & white photo from his folder, slaps it
down in front of Danielson. From our angle, we can't see
it clearly.

CRAWFORD
(continuing)
Her name is Kimberly Jane Emberg, she
was just ID'd. I met her on a slab in
West Virginia. And sometime tomorrow,
or tomorrow night, he's going to do
the same thing to Catherine Martin.

DR. DANIELSON
That's a childish, bullying stunt, Mr.
Crawford. I was a battlefield surgeon,
so you can put away your picture.

Burroughs sticks his head in, looking for Crawford.

BURROUGHS
Phone, Jack. Director Burke.

CRAWFORD
(snaps)
In a minute!

Burroughs hurriedly retreats. Crawford strains for
patience.

CRAWFORD
(continuing)
Look... search your own records, if
you prefer. You can do it a lot faster
than us, anyway. If we find Buffalo
Bill through your information, I'll
suppress it. Nobody has to know this
hospital cooperated.
72.

DR. DANIELSON
I doubt very much that the FBI or any
other government agency can keep a
secret, Mr. Crawford. Truth will
out... And then what? Will you give
Johns Hopkins a new identity? Put a
big pair of sunglasses on this
building, and a funny nose?

CRAWFORD
Oh, that's clever, Dr. Danielson. Very
humorous. You like the truth? Try this.
(right in his face,
enraged)
He kidnaps young women and kills them
and rips their skins off. We don't
want him to do that anymore. If you
don't help me, just as fast as you
can, then the Justice Department is
going to ask publicly for a court
order, We'll ask twice a day, just in
time for the morning and evening news.
And each one of our press conferences
will focus on Dr. Danielson, over at
Johns Hopkins, and how we're still
hoping for his cooperation. And every
time there's any news on the
case -when Catherine Martin floats,
when the next one floats, and the next
one - why, we'll just issue another
press release about good ol' Dr.
Danielson, over at Johns Hopkins -
complete with all his humorous fucking
remarks.

DR. DANIELSON
(pause; stiffly)
It may be that - I could confer with
my colleagues on this. And get back to
you.

CRAWFORD
Would you, Doctor? That would be so
kind.

CUT TO:

INT. THE SURVEILLANCE VAN - DAY

Crawford is on the scrambler phone. Burroughs watches
silently.
73.

CRAWFORD
(on phone; stunned)
Transferred...?

CUT TO:

INT. FBI BUILDING - OFFICE OF THE DIRECTOR - DAY

HAYDEN BURKE, the FBI Director, swivels in his big chair.
Lean, late 40's, very distinguished. His desk is flanked
by flags.

DIRECTOR BURKE
(on phone)
Already airborne for Memphis. Senator
Martin's meeting him at the airport.
(uneasily)
Jack - did you make some soft of
promise to Lecter, in the Senator's
name?

Listening to the answer, he looks uncomfortably across his
desk at PAUL KRENDLER, the Deputy Attorney General - 40,
very tanned, modish haircut. Krendler is irritable,
impatient.

DIRECTOR BURKE
(continuing; on phone)
We're going to have to talk about
this, Jack. The Senator's mad as hell.
Paul Krendler's over here from
Justice, she's asking him to take
charge in Memphis... I know that...
But you're still in command of the
task force, and Lecter's plane can
still be ordered back. It's your call,
Jack - but I want it now.

CUT BACK TO:

INT. THE SURVEILLANCE VAN - DAY

Burroughs starts to make an objection, but Crawford stills
him with a hand motion. He is taut, frustrated. Long pause.

CRAWFORD
(into phone)
Let him land.

CUT TO:
74.

Genres: ["Crime","Thriller"]

Summary Clarice negotiates with Dr. Lecter, offering him a deal to help find Buffalo Bill and save Catherine. They discuss the significance of the moth found on Bill's victims and the possibility of him being a failed transsexual. The scene ends with Dr. Lecter demanding to know why Clarice ran away from her cousin's ranch.

Strengths "Intense dialogue, strong character interactions, and plot progression"

Weaknesses "Could benefit from more development of the theme"

Critique The scene is well-written and effectively communicates the urgency and tension of the situation. The dialogue between Crawford and Dr. Danielson is strong, with both characters displaying their conflicting priorities and motivations. The use of the hospital setting adds to the stakes of the scene and highlights the moral dilemma faced by Dr. Danielson.

However, there are a few areas where the scene could be improved. Firstly, the description of the characters could be more detailed to give a clearer picture of their physical appearance and demeanor. This would help to enhance the visual aspect of the scene and make the characters more memorable.

Secondly, the dialogue could be tightened and made more impactful by removing some unnecessary repetition and tightening the exchanges between the characters. This would make the scene more dynamic and engaging to read and watch.

Lastly, the scene could benefit from some additional visual and sensory details to create a stronger atmosphere and immerse the readers/viewers in the environment. This could include descriptions of the sounds, smells, and visuals of the clinic, further enhancing the setting and adding depth to the scene.

Overall, the scene is well-written but could be improved with more detailed character descriptions, tighter dialogue, and additional visual and sensory details.

Suggestions Here are some suggestions to improve the scene:
1. Clearly establish the urgency of the situation in the beginning of the scene to create tension. For example, Crawford could be shown frantically checking his watch or talking quickly to indicate the limited time they have.
2. Provide more context about why Crawford needs Dr. Danielson's help. This could be done through dialogue or a brief explanation.
3. Show more emotion and conflict between Crawford and Dr. Danielson. Highlight their differing perspectives and the stakes involved.
4. Make the key information in the scene, such as the photo of Kimberly Jane Emberg, more visible to the audience. This will help to engage and intrigue the viewers.
5. Add more visual description to the scene to enhance the setting and atmosphere. For example, describe the appearance of the Gender Identity Clinic and the reactions of the people passing by.
6. Consider adding more inner thoughts or emotions for the characters, such as Crawford's internal frustration or Dr. Danielson's moral dilemma.
7. If possible, make the dialogue more concise and impactful. Remove unnecessary repetitions or filler words to make the conversation flow more smoothly.
8. Consider including body language or action to enhance the scene. For instance, Dr. Danielson could hesitate or show signs of internal struggle before finally agreeing to help.
9. Cut any extraneous or excessive dialogue to keep the scene focused and impactful.
10. Consider adding a small cliffhanger or unresolved tension at the end of the scene to make the audience want to see what happens next.

Scene 23 - Clarice's Anger

Overall: 9.0
Concept: 8
Plot: 9
Characters: 8
Dialogue: 8

INT.CLARICE'S DORM ROOM - DOORWAY - DAY

Clarice opens her door, stares out at Crawford. She's just
slipping on her blazer, over her shoulder holster. She's
furious.

CLARICE
Chilton has killed her, hasn't he?
That slimy little bastard! We were so
close with Lecter - and now her last
chance is gone.

CRAWFORD
Let's get some coffee and talk.

CUT TO:

EXT. FBI ACADEMY GROUNDS - QUANTICO - DAY

MOVING ANGLE on Clarice and Crawford, as they walk along
a sidewalk, sipping from paper cups. The surveillance van
trails them slowly, radios CRACKLING.

CLARICE
Are you in trouble over this, Mr.
Crawford? Can Senator Martin do
something to you?

CRAWFORD
I'm 53, Starling. If I found Jimmy
Hoffa on national TV, I'd still have
to retire in two years. It's not a
consideration. But you are...
(beat)
You've done enough. If I keep you out
of school any longer, you'll be
recycled. Cost you six months, at
least. I can guarantee you readmission
here, but that's about it.
(he stops,
looks at her)
Now's your chance, Starling. Go back to
class. Leave Bill to me.

CLARICE
If you didn't want me chasing him, you
shouldn't have taken me to that
funeral home.

He looks at her steadily, then nods. They walk on.
75.

CLARICE
(continuing)
Lecter is still the key, I know he is.
Whatever he told me about Bill is just
as good now as it was before.

CRAWFORD
Or just as worthless. But I want you
in Memphis, close to him. Maybe when
he gets tired of toying with Senator
Martin, he'll talk to you again.
There's a plane waiting for you now at
the airstrip.

She smiles at this acknowledgment; he never thought she's
quit.

CLARICE
I lied to Lecter. I'll need some kind
of peace offering... Can I get the
drawings from his cell?

CRAWFORD
Good idea. Meantime, try to get a feel
for Catherine Martin. Her apartment,
her friends... how he might've stalked
her. I'm going to the other two
clinics, Minnesota and Ohio.
(he crumples his cup,
tosses it)
Now's the hardest part, Starling. Use
your anger, don't let it keep you from
thinking. Just keep your eyes on
Catherine. We've got less than 30
hours.

CLARICE
(hesitates)
Mr. Crawford... can those cops down
there handle Dr. Lecter?

CRAWFORD
(grimly)
They'll use their best men. But they
better by paying attention...

CUT TO:

Genres: ["Crime","Thriller"]

Summary Clarice opens up to Crawford about her anger and frustration over losing the chance to save Catherine. They discuss their plan and Clarice's return to school. Crawford acknowledges her determination and sends her to Memphis to be closer to Lecter. He advises her to use her anger to stay focused. Clarice asks about the ability of the local authorities to handle Lecter.

Strengths "Strong dialogue and character development"

Weaknesses "Lack of action or suspense"

Critique As a screenwriting expert, I would critique the following scene positively for its effective dialogue and character development.

One aspect of the scene that stands out is the strong emotional intensity between Clarice and Crawford. Clarice's fury and frustration are evident in her dialogue, and it helps to establish her determination to catch the killer. Crawford's calm demeanor and practical approach highlight his experienced and wise character.

The scene also effectively conveys the urgency of the situation. The mention of Senator Martin and the potential consequences for both Clarice and Crawford adds tension and stakes to the scene. The time limit of less than 30 hours creates a heightened sense of urgency and reinforces the crucial nature of their mission.

Additionally, the scene utilizes visual elements well. The description of Clarice slipping on her blazer over her shoulder holster helps to visually establish her character and her readiness for action. The inclusion of the surveillance van trailing them and the radios crackling enhance the feeling of being under constant surveillance and add to the overall atmosphere of suspense.

Overall, the scene effectively advances the plot, develops the characters, and maintains a sense of tension and urgency.

Suggestions Here are some suggestions to improve the scene:

1. Add more description: Instead of just stating that Clarice is furious, use specific actions and facial expressions to show her anger. For example, "Clarice slams open the door, her face flushed with rage. She fumbles to put on her blazer, frustration evident in her trembling hands."

2. Show the characters' emotions through dialogue: Instead of explicitly stating Clarice's feelings, let her emotions come through in her words. For example, instead of saying "I'm furious," Clarice could say something like, "I can't believe Chilton got away with this. He's ruined everything!"

3. Provide more context and details: Clarify the information being discussed in the dialogue. For example, instead of just stating that Clarice and Crawford were close to catching Lecter, add a line of dialogue or narration explaining what happened. This will help the audience understand the stakes and why Clarice is so upset.

4. Show the characters' actions and reactions: Instead of just stating that Clarice and Crawford are walking, incorporate their movements and gestures into the scene to make it more visually interesting. For example, they could be walking briskly, with Clarice occasionally stopping to make an emphatic point, while Crawford listens attentively.

5. Add camera directions or visual cues: Use camera directions or visual cues to enhance the impact of the scene. For example, when Clarice mentions the funeral home, you could include a close-up shot of her face, capturing her anger and determination.

6. Expand on the character dynamics: Clarify the relationship between Clarice and Crawford. Are they allies? Mentors? Let their dynamic shine through in their interactions and dialogue.

7. Provide a more distinct ending: Consider ending the scene on a stronger note, leaving the audience intrigued or wanting more. You could end with a line that hints at the tension or danger to come, or a cliffhanger that leaves the audience intrigued about what will happen next.

Scene 24 - Transfer to Memphis

Overall: 8.0
Concept: 8
Plot: 7
Characters: 5
Dialogue: 6

INT. AIR NATIONAL GUARD HANGER - MEMPHIS, TENNESSEE - DAY

CLOSE ON Dr. Lecter. Behind his mask, the alert, searching
eyes.
76.

CRAWFORD (V.O.)
He will...

OFFICERS PEMBRY AND BOYLE

two sturdy, well-armed, veteran prison guards - are
checking Dr. Lecter's restraints with clever, careful
fingers.

BOYLE
Welcome to Memphis, Dr. Lecter. I'm
Officer Boyle, this is Officer Pembry.
We aim to treat you just as nice as
you treat us. Act like a gentlemen,
you'll get three hots and a cot.

PEMBRY
But we ain't pussy-footin' with you,
buddy ruff. You get cute, try to bite
somebody? - we'll tie your asshole in
a knot. You savvy?

DR. LECTER
Oh yes, Officer Pembry. I certainly do.

The officers turn away, Boyle signing a clipboarded form.

PEMBRY
(under his breath)
Shit, he's just an ol' broke-dick.
Won't be no trouble as all if he don't
flip out.

BOYLE
Dr. Chilton...?

NEW ANGLE - WIDER

as we see that we're in a vast, dusty hangar. Parked to
one side: an EMS ambulance and four highway patrol
cruisers; a dozen troopers stand quietly chatting and
smoking over there. Prentiss is pacing impatiently,
casting anxious glances towards the open hanger doorway.

BOYLE
If you'll please sign right here, sir,
we'll have us a legal transfer.

Chilton instinctively pats his shirt pocket for his gold
pen; it's gone. He searches other pockets, with growing
unhappiness.
77.

BOYLE
(continuing)
Use mine.

PEMBRY
Here they come.

TWO BLACK STRETCH LIMOSINES

glide smoothly into the hangar, stop. Secret Service
agents pour out of the lead car, form a cordon. A driver
opens the rear door of the second car, and Krendler steps
out, followed by the Senator's assistant, with a
briefcase, followed, as last, by the Senator herself.
Barely glancing around, she strides towards Lecter.

NEW ANGLE -DR. LECTER AND SEN. MARTIN

as she stops, struck by the bizarre spectacle of his
restraints. The others instinctively keep a distance, but
Chilton, with theatrical relish, unstraps and removes Dr.
Lecter's mask.

CHILTON
Senator Martin, meet Dr. Hannibal
Lecter.

They stare at one another for a long moment: the Senator
tense, almost haggard, the madman with his unearthly poise.

SEN. MARTIN
Dr. Lecter, I've brought an affidavit
guaranteeing your new rights... You'll
want to read it before I sign.

He assistant unsnaps his briefcase, reaches for the form.

DR. LECTER
I won't waste your time and
Catherine's time bargaining for petty
privileges. Clarice Starling and that
awful Jack Crawford have wasted far
too much already. I only pray they
haven't doomed the poor girl... Let me
help you now, and I'll trust you when
it's all over.

SEN. MARTIN
You have my word. Paul?

Krendler raises a pad, poised to take notes.
78.

DR. LECTER
Buffalo Bill's real name is William
Rubin. I met him just once. He was
referred to me in April or May, 1980,
by my patient Benjamin Raspail. They
were lovers, but Raspail had become
very frightened. Apparently Rubin had
murdered a transient, and - done
things with the skin. He thought if I
could cure Billy, then Billy'd be safe
from the police, and he's be safe from
Billy... Obviously, he was wrong.

KRENDLER
We need his address, a physical descr-

DR. LECTER
Did you nurse Catherine?

SEN. MARTIN
(pause; startled)
What...?

DR. LECTER
Did you breast-feed her?

He flicks his tongue obscenely.

KRENDLER
You son-of-a -

The Senator stills him with a hand. She is trembling.

SEN. MARTIN
Yes... I did.

DR. LECTER
Toughened your nipples, didn't it...?
(a beat; then
rapidly, bored)
Six foot one, strongly built, about
190 pounds. Hair brown, eyes pale
blue. He'd be about 35 now. He said he
lived in Philadelphia, but may have
lied. That's really all I can
remember, Senator - but if I think of
any more, I'll let you know.

SEN. MARTIN
(to the others)
Let's go with it.

They start towards the car, but he calls out, stopping her.
79.

DR. LECTER
Senator Martin...! You can't trust
Jack Crawford or Clarice Starling.
It's such a game with these people.
They're determined to get the arrest
for themselves. The "collar," I think
they say.

SEN. MARTIN
Thank you, Doctor. I'll keep it in
mind.

DR. LECTER
Oh, and Senator...? Love you suit.

DISSOLVE TO:

Genres: []

Summary Clarice and Crawford transfer Dr. Lecter to a new location in Memphis. They meet with a team of officers who check the restraints and make introductions. Chilton realizes he has lost his pen. Secret Service agents and Senator Martin arrive in limousines. The Senator is struck by the sight of Lecter's restraints. Chilton removes Lecter's mask and introduces him to the Senator. Lecter agrees to help find Buffalo Bill and reveals his real name and the fact that he was referred to Lecter by his lover, Benjamin Raspail. Lecter asks the Senator if she nursed Catherine, which unsettles her. He gives a physical description of Buffalo Bill and warns the Senator about Crawford and Clarice. The Senator and her team decide to trust Lecter and begin to leave, but he compliments her suit before they go.

Strengths ""

Weaknesses ""

Critique Overall, the scene is well-written and effectively establishes the tension and dynamics between the characters. However, there are a few areas that could be improved to enhance the clarity and impact of the scene.

1. Dialogue: The dialogue between Officer Boyle and Pembry contains some unnecessary repetition and slang that might make it confusing for the audience to understand. Simplifying and refining the dialogue while still maintaining the tough and authoritative tone would make it more effective.

2. Action and Setting Description: The scene lacks sufficient descriptions of the physical environment and the actions of the characters. Providing more detail on the appearance of the characters, their body language, and the atmosphere of the hangar would help to create a stronger visual image for the audience.

3. Pacing: The scene could benefit from a more varied pacing, as the dialogue exchanges between the characters can feel a bit static. Introducing some movement or action within the scene would break up the dialogue and make it more engaging.

4. Character Motivation: The motivation for Senator Martin to trust Dr. Lecter's information and disregard the warnings about Crawford and Starling could be further developed. Clarifying her reasoning behind this decision would strengthen the conflict and tension in the scene.

Taking these factors into consideration and making these revisions would improve the overall impact and effectiveness of the scene.

Suggestions Here are a few suggestions to improve the scene:

1. Clarify the location: At the beginning of the scene, it would be helpful to establish the location more clearly. For example, instead of just mentioning "INT. AIR NATIONAL GUARD HANGER - MEMPHIS, TENNESSEE - DAY," you can add a brief description of the hangar to give the readers a better visual understanding of the setting.

2. Develop the characters: Pembry and Boyle should have distinct personalities to make the scene more engaging. Consider adding a few lines of dialogue or actions that highlight their individual traits. This will make the scene more dynamic and create a stronger contrast between them and Dr. Lecter.

3. Increase tension: The interaction between Dr. Lecter and the guards can be more intense. Explore ways to create a sense of unease or anticipation, such as adding subtle body language or dialogue cues that hint at the underlying danger of the situation.

4. Use visuals to enhance the setting: Rather than just mentioning "a vast, dusty hangar," describe specific details that can help create a visual atmosphere for the scene. This could include the sound of footsteps echoing, the smell of oil or dust, or the flickering light from the overhead lamps.

5. Vary sentence structure: The dialogue in the scene can benefit from some variety in sentence structure. Currently, most of the lines follow a similar pattern of "Character A says... Character B responds." By mixing up the sentence structure, you can make the dialogue more engaging and natural.

6. Deepen Senator Martin's reaction: When Dr. Lecter asks Senator Martin about breastfeeding her daughter, her response can be more emotional. Show her discomfort, shock, or anger through her body language and facial expressions. This will add depth to her character and emphasize the impact of Dr. Lecter's question.

Implementing these suggestions will help improve the scene's visuals, character development, and overall tension, making it more compelling for the audience.

Scene 25 - Desperation in the Basement

Overall: 8.0
Concept: 7
Plot: 9
Characters: 8
Dialogue: 6

INT. MR. GUMB'S BASEMENT - DAY (DIMLY LIT)

CLOSE ON scraps of food - peas, chicken bones - lying on
the cement floor of the pit, near the foil tray of a TV
dinner.

CATHERINE (O.S.)
(muttering, feisty)
Close enough to fuck is close enough
to fight...

CATHERINE

is hunched over in concentration. The plastic toilet
bucket is on her lap, and she has yanked down its cotton
string.

CATHERINE
Get my legs round your neck, you
goddamn creep, I'll send you home to
Jesus...

HER FINGERS

are tying a chicken bone to the bucket's handle, where it
meets the string. The other end of the string is tied to
her wrist.

SHE STANDS

gathers the coiled string in one hand, and swings the
bucket by its handle, calculating this distance up to the
basement floor.

CATHERINE
Okay, Precious. Time for a treat...
80.

She hurls the bucket upwards.

AT THE LIP OF THE OUBLIETTE

the bucket sails out, bounces LOUDLY, then falls back
inside.

ANGLE ON THE DOG, PRECIOUS

who is elsewhere in the basement, worrying a toy. She
cocks an ear, making a low GROWL, then sets off to
investigate.

DOWN IN THE PIT

Catherine swings the bucket again, trying another cast.

THE BUCKET LANDS

two feet beyond the pit's edge, rolls a bit, stops.

PRECIOUS TROTS UP

then pauses, staring curiously towards...

VERY LOW ANGLE (DOG'S POV)

the enticing chicken bone, six feet away. It twitches as
Catherine tugs on the string, edging the bucket back
towards the pit.

Precious with her tail wagging, BARKS - greedy but
suspicious.

CATHERINE

staring upwards, pulls again, even so gently, at the
string.

CATHERINE
(softly)
Preeeeecious...! C'mon, boy, nice
yummy bone... c'mon, you little shit...

PRECIOUS

edges reluctantly closer... then suddenly rushes in,
seizing the bone in her teeth. She tries to run away with
it, but Catherine is pulling her towards the hole, working
her like a hooked fish. Her toenails scrabble as she tries
to stop.
81.

CATHERINE

stares desperately, unable to see how she's doing.

CATHERINE
Hang on, boy... hang on...

PRECIOUS

still fights for the bone, GROWLING, as the bucket rocks
precariously on the edge of the pit. A long, seesaw
battle... until finally, when one of her forelegs slips
momentarily into the hole, she panics and lets go. The
bucket flops over the edge.

CATHERINE

crouches, covering her head as the bucket bounces off her.

CATHERINE
Nooooo...!

THE LITTLE DOG

furious, BARKS down at her, then trots away in disgust.

CLOSE ON CATHERINE

as she sinks to the cold cement. She slaps aside the foil
tray, the scraps of food, sobbing in utter despair...

DISSOLVE TO:

INT. CATHERINE MARTIN'S APARTMENT - LIVING ROOM - DAY

CLOSE ON a framed photo of Sen. Martin and Catherine, held
in Clarice's cotton-gloved hands. Powdered fingerprints on
the glass.

Clarice glances up from the photo, smiles disarmingly at -

A young STATE TROOPER sitting in Catherine's easy chair.
He smiles back at her, then relaxes, returns to his
newspaper. He also wears gloves.

CUT TO:

INT. KITCHEN

Clarice closes the refrigerator door, glances around.
82.

A big REEL-TO-REEL TAPE RECORDER has been set up on the
breakfast counter, attached to Catherine's phone. Two new
red phones are hooked up as well.

CUT TO:

INT. BATHROOM

Clarice slides open the medicine cabinet's mirror, looks
inside. She reaches in, pokes carefully amongst the
lotions.

CUT TO:

INT. ATTIC CRAWL-SPACE

A ceiling hatch bangs open, sending up dust clouds.
Clarice, lit from underneath, pokes her head through,
looking around.

CUT TO:

INT. BEDROOM

Flat on her back, Clarice wriggles out from under
Catherine's bed. She sits up, brushing dust from her face
and hair.

CUT TO:

Genres: []

Summary Clarice continues her desperate attempts to escape, using a bucket and a chicken bone to lure the dog Precious. However, her plan fails, leaving her in despair. The scene then shifts to Clarice investigating Catherine Martin's apartment, setting up surveillance equipment and searching for any clues.

Strengths "The scene effectively builds suspense and showcases Clarice's determination. It keeps the audience engaged and invested in the plot."

Weaknesses "The dialogue could be stronger to enhance the tension in the scene. The theme could also be explored more deeply."

Critique Overall, the scene is well-written and effectively establishes the atmosphere and tension of the basement setting. The dialogue between Catherine and her actions are gritty and intense, adding depth to her character. The use of visual details, like the chicken bone and the string, also helps to bring the scene to life.

However, there are a few areas that could be improved upon. Firstly, there could be more clarity in terms of the characters' movements and positions in the scene. Some of the action is a bit unclear, such as when Catherine swings the bucket and when Precious tries to run away with the bone.

Additionally, the scene could benefit from a clearer objective or goal for Catherine. While it is clear that she is trying to lure Precious towards the hole, it would be helpful to understand why she is doing this. Is she trying to escape the basement? Is she trying to trap the dog? Providing more context and motivation for Catherine's actions would enhance the scene.

Finally, it is important to consider the pacing of the scene. It is quite detailed and there may be opportunities to condense certain actions or descriptions to keep the momentum of the scene moving forward.

Overall, with a few small improvements, this scene has the potential to be a compelling and suspenseful moment in the screenplay.

Suggestions Suggestions to improve this scene:

1. Clarify the atmosphere: The scene description states that the basement is dimly lit, but it would be helpful to add some specific details about the lighting, such as a single bare lightbulb or a small, flickering lantern. This will help set the mood and enhance the tension.

2. Show instead of tell: Instead of having Catherine mutter her lines about fighting and Jesus, it would be more effective to show her frustration through her actions and expressions. This will make the scene more dynamic and engaging.

3. Create a sense of urgency: Add more urgency to Catherine's actions as she tries to lure the dog with the bone. This can be achieved by using shorter, more concise sentences, and by emphasizing the suspenseful moments when the bone is on the verge of falling into the pit.

4. Use vivid language: Instead of using generic terms like "the enticing chicken bone," try to make the description more vivid and specific. For example, describe the bone as juicy or dripping with meat, which will make it more appealing to the dog and add to the readers' visual experience.

5. Highlight emotional reactions: Show Catherine's emotions more explicitly. For example, describe her face contorting with desperation as she tries to lure the dog. This will help the readers empathize with her and intensify the stakes of the scene.

6. Enhance the setting transitions: Instead of using generic transition phrases like "DISSOLVE TO" and "CUT TO," try using more descriptive language to smoothly transition between scenes. For example, instead of "DISSOLVE TO:," you can write "INT. CATHERINE MARTIN'S APARTMENT - LIVING ROOM - DAY - CONTINUOUS" to create a seamless flow.

By implementing these suggestions, you can improve the scene and make it more compelling for both readers and viewers.

Scene 26 - Confrontation and Consequences

Overall: 8.0
Concept: 7
Plot: 8
Characters: 8
Dialogue: 7

INT. BEDROOM

CLOSE ON an open, multi-tiered jewelry box, resting atop
a bureau, as Clarice's fingers pick through costume
jewelry.

Clarice closes the box, and is just turning away when a
figure suddenly looms INTO SHOT, giving her a bad start;
she cries out softly.

Senator Martin is revealed, staring at her suspiciously.

SEN. MARTIN
Who are you, please? I thought the
police were through in here.

CLARICE
I'm Clarice Starling, Senator. FBI.
83.

SEN. MARTIN
(softly, very angry)
Clarice Starling...
(calls out)
Paul? Would you come in here,
please...?

Krendler enters from the hallway, looks at Clarice.

SEN. MARTIN
(continuing)
Miss Starling, you may know the Deputy
Attorney General, Mr. Krendler. Paul,
this is the trainee that Jack Crawford
sent to Lecter... She lied to him,
pretending to have my authority, and
thus jeopardized this entire
investigation. Now she has the further
gall to invade my daughter's privacy,
again without permission. If her
little games have killed my baby...

Overcome, she hurries from the room. Krendler shuts the
door behind her, points sternly at Clarice.

KRENDLER
You're out of line, Starling, and
you're off this case. Back to Quantico.

CLARICE
Sir, Mr. Crawford instructed me -

KRENDLER
Your instructions are what I'm giving
you now. Jack Crawford answers to the
Director, and the Director answers to
me. My God, Crawford's losing it...!
He shouldn't even be on this, with his
wife sick as she is... How the hell
did you get in here, anyway? He gave
you -what? Some kind of special ID?
Let's have it.

CLARICE
(stubbornly)
I need the ID to fly with my gun. The
gun belongs in Quantico.

KRENDLER
Gun. Jesus. Turn in the ID as soon as
you get back. The gun, too. Be on the
next plane, Starling, there's one in
90 minutes.
84.

Clarice, burning, starts for the door, then turns back.

CLARICE
Mr. Krendler... Dr. Lecter trusts me.
Or at least, he used to. If I could
just -

KRENDLER
Lecter has already named Buffalo Bill.

Clarice reacts, surprised. Krendler takes a folded
computer sheet from his pocket, shoves it at her. She
takes it, reads.

KRENDLER
(continuing)
He gave us a perfectly good
description, and we're on it now, so
we won't be needing your little
novelty act any longer - or his,
either. He's under close guard at the
courthouse, pending a prison transfer.
The next plane, Officer.

CLARICE
Sir, doesn't this "William Rubin"
strike you as - I don't know - kind of
vague?

Krendler moves in very close to her, pale with anger.

KRENDLER
Do you need a police escort, Starling?
Or do you think you can find the
airport by yourself?

CLARICE
Yes sir. I can find it by myself.

CUT TO:

EXT. SHELBY COUNTY COURTHOUSE - DAY

The old courthouse is a massive Gothic stronghold, with an
armada of police cruisers parked at the curb.

Clarice climbs from her rented car, SLAMMING the door
angrily. Holding a rolled-up pile of papers - Dr. Lecter's
drawings - she starts determinedly up the steps. A nearby
commotion makes her pause.

Dr. Frederick Chilton in a sea of interviewers and mini-
cams, is preening grandly.
85.

Clarice carefully avoiding his gaze, slips up the steps
and inside.

CUT TO:

INT. COURTHOUSE - GROUND FLOOR - DAY

SGT. TATE, a Memphis policeman, is studying Clarice's ID.
He looks up at her from his command desk, a bit doubtfully.

SGT. TATE
Are you with Mr. Krendler's people?

CLARICE
I just left him.

SGT. TATE
Access to Lecter is strictly limited.
We've been getting death threats.
(hesitates again)
Log in, and check your weapon.

He picks up a phone, murmurs into it. As he does so,
Clarice glances around this main ground floor lobby.

HER POV

The building looks like an armed fort. Cops with shotguns
guard the front door, both ends of the hall, the foot of
the stairs, the single elevator. More of them are coming
and going.

MURRAY (V.O.)
Shoot, we haven't had this kinda
security since the President came
through town...

CUT TO:

INT. ELEVATOR - MOVING

Clarice and OFFICER MURRAY, a young patrolman, ride up in
an old-fashioned, CREAKING, metal-cage elevator. He is
excited.

MURRAY
Every cop in Tennessee wants a look at
this guy. 'Sit true what they're
sayin' - he's some kinda vampire?
86.

CLARICE
(beat)
I don't have a name for what he is.

CUT TO:

Genres: ["crime","drama","thriller"]

Summary Clarice is confronted by Senator Martin, who accuses her of lying and invading her daughter's privacy. Deputy Attorney General Krendler reprimands Clarice and removes her from the case. Clarice tries to plead her case, but Krendler dismisses her and reveals that Lecter has already given them valuable information. Clarice is then instructed to leave and return to Quantico.

Strengths "Tense dialogue between characters, high stakes and consequences for Clarice's actions."

Weaknesses "Limited physical action, lack of visual elements."

Critique Overall, the scene establishes tension and conflict between Clarice and Senator Martin, as well as between Clarice and Krendler. However, there are a few areas that could be improved:

1. The dialogue could be more concise. Some of the exchanges between characters drag on and could be shortened to maintain pacing and momentum.

2. The character introductions could be clearer. It is not immediately clear who Senator Martin is or what his relationship is to Clarice. Providing more context or a brief introduction to Senator Martin would help the audience understand the dynamics at play.

3. The physical actions and reactions could be highlighted more. For example, when Clarice cries out, there is no description of how she physically reacts to the figure looming over her. Adding more physicality to the scene would help build tension and create a stronger visual image for the audience.

4. The transitions between locations could be smoother. The transition from the bedroom to the Shelby County Courthouse is abrupt and could be better connected to maintain a seamless flow between scenes.

Overall, there is potential in the scene, but some improvements could be made to enhance the clarity and impact of the storytelling.

Suggestions Overall, the scene is well-constructed and provides important plot and character information. However, here are some suggestions to improve it:

1. Specify character blocking and movement: In some parts of the scene, it's unclear where characters are positioned in the room. Clarifying their movements and positions will make the scene easier to visualize.

2. Increase tension and suspense: This scene is an opportunity to build tension and suspense, especially since Clarice is confronted by Senator Martin and Krendler. Consider adding more suspenseful elements, such as longer pauses, intense close-ups, or heightened reactions to create a sense of danger and urgency.

3. Make the audience feel Senator Martin's anger: Senator Martin is angry at Clarice for invading her daughter's privacy and jeopardizing the investigation. To make this anger come across more strongly, consider using more explicit dialogue or literal actions that show her anger. This will help the audience understand her frustrations and motivations more clearly.

4. Show Clarice's emotional reaction: Clarice is determined to prove herself and regain trust. Enhance her emotional state by depicting her conflicting emotions and her desire to make things right with Senator Martin and prove herself to Krendler.

5. Add more subtext in the dialogue: The dialogue should not only convey the characters' actions and motivations but also provide subtext. This means that characters might not say exactly what they mean, forcing the audience to read between the lines. This creates more depth in the characters' interactions and adds to the tension and conflict.

6. Heighten the stakes: The scene mentions death threats and heightened security at the courthouse. Try to emphasize these high stakes by incorporating visuals or dialogue that show the seriousness of the situation.

7. Consider a visual transition: Instead of a straight cut, you can add a visual transition between the bedroom scene and the courthouse scene. For example, you can use a montage of shots to show Clarice's emotional state or have a shot of her getting into the elevator as a transitional moment.

By implementing these suggestions, the scene can be improved to engage the audience more effectively and add depth to the overall story.

Scene 27 - Confrontation

Overall: 9.0
Concept: 8
Plot: 9
Characters: 9
Dialogue: 9

INT. HISTORICAL SOCIETY ROOM - 5TH FLOOR

Pembry, at a desk by the door, looks up from examining the
unrolled pile of Dr. Lecter's drawings.

PEMBRY
You know the rules, ma'am?

CLARICE
Yes, Officer Pembry. I've questioned
him before.

He waves her on her way, but retains the drawings for now.

MOVING ANGLE - WITH CLARICE

as she crosses the big, spare, white octagonal room. A
massive, temporary iron cage has been installed; Officer
Boyle sits facing its barred door. He rises, nods, moving
away to allow her privacy.

INSIDE THE CAGE

a cot and a small table, each bolted to the floor, and a
limsy paper screen, hiding a toilet. Dr. Lecter sits at
the table, his back to her, studying the Buffalo Bill case
file. He now wears a green prison jumpsuit. A small
cassette player is chained to the steel table.

DR. LECTER
(without turning)
Good afternoon, Clarice.

She stops at a striped police barricade, before his bars.

CLARICE
I thought you might want your drawings
back... Just until you get your view.

DR. LECTER
How very thoughtful... Or did Crawford
send you here for one last wheedle -
before you're both booted off the case?

CLARICE
Nobody sent me. I came on my own.
87.

He spins in his swivel chair, stops neatly. A coy smile.

DR. LECTER
People will say we're in love.
(beat)
Pity you tried to fool me, isn't it?
Pity for poor Catherine. Tick-tock...

He spins again in his chair, playfully.

MOVING ANGLE - FAVORING CLARICE

as she circles the cage, trying to keep his face in sight.

CLARICE
Dr. Lecter, you find out everything.
You couldn't have talked with this
"William Rubin", even once, and come
out knowing so little about him... You
made him up, didn't you?

DR. LECTER
Clarice... you're hardly in a position
to accuse me of lying.

CLARICE
I think you were telling me the truth
in Baltimore - or starting to. Tell me
the rest now.

DR. LECTER
I've studied the case file, have
you...? Everything you need to find
him is right in these pages. Whatever
his name is.

CLARICE
Then tell me how.

DR. LECTER
First principles, Clarice. Simplicity.
Read Marcus Aurelius. Of each
particular thing, ask: What is it, in
itself, what is its nature...? What
does he do, this man you seek?

CLARICE
He kills w-

DR. LECTER
(sharply, as he stops)
No! That's incidental.
88.

CLOSE ANGLE - TWO SHOT

as he rises, pained by her ignorance, and crosses to the
bars.

DR. LECTER
What is the first and principal thing
he does, what need does he serve by
killing?

CLARICE
Anger, social resentment, sexual frus-

DR. LECTER
No, he covets. That's his nature. And
how do we begin to covet, Clarice? Do
we seek out things to covet? Make an
effort to answer.

CLARICE
No. We just -

DR. LECTER
No. Precisely. We begin by coveting
what we see every day. Don't you feel
eyes moving over your body, Clarice?
I hardly see how you couldn't. And
don't your eyes move over the things
you want?

CLARICE
All right, then tell me how -

DR. LECTER
No. It's your turn to tell me,
Clarice. You don't have any more
vacations to sell, on Anthrax Island.
Why did you run away from that ranch?

CLARICE
Dr. Lecter, when there's time I'll -

DR. LECTER
We don't reckon time the same way,
Clarice. This is all the time you'll
ever have.

CLARICE
Later, listen, I'll -
89.

DR. LECTER
I'll listen now. After your father's
murder, you were orphaned. You were
ten years old. You went to live with
cousins, on a sheep and horse ranch in
Montana. And - ?

CLARICE
And - one morning I just - ran away...

She turns from him. He presses closer, gripping the bars.

DR. LECTER
Not "just," Clarice. What set you off?
You started what time?

CLARICE
Early. Still dark.

DR. LECTER
Then something woke you. What? Did you
dream...? What was it?

IN FLASHBACK

The 10-year old Clarice sits up abruptly in her bed,
frightened. She is in a Montana ranch house; it almost
dawn. Strange, fearful shadows on her ceiling and walls...
a window, partly fogged by the cold; eerie brightness
outside.

CLARICE (V.O.)
I heard a strange sound...

DR. LECTER (V.O.)
What was it?

THE CHILD RISES

crosses to the window in her nightgown, rubs the glass.

CLARICE (V.O.)
I didn't know. I went to look...

HIGH ANGLES (2ND STORY) - THE CHILD'S POV

Shadowy men, ranch hands, are moving in and out of a
nearby barn, carrying mysterious bundles. The mens' breath
is steaming... A refrigerated truck idles nearby, its
engine adding more steam. A strange, almost surrealistic
scene...
90.

CLARICE (V.O.)
Screaming! Some kind of - screaming.
Like a child's voice...

THE LITTLE GIRL

is terrified; she covers her ears.

DR. LECTER (V.O.)
What did you do?

CLARICE (V.O.)
Got dressed without turning on the
light. I went downstairs... outside...

Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary Clarice confronts Dr. Lecter in his cage and asks for his help in finding Buffalo Bill. Dr. Lecter taunts her and questions her motives. Clarice shares a childhood flashback that reveals her motivation for seeking justice. Dr. Lecter continues to push her to face her fears and desires.

Strengths "Intense dialogue, well-developed characters, high stakes"

Weaknesses "Some dialogue may be overly dramatic"

Critique Overall, this scene is well-written and engaging. The dialogue between Pembry and Clarice effectively establishes their previous interaction and sets the stage for Clarice's meeting with Dr. Lecter. The scene also successfully showcases the tension and power dynamic between Clarice and Dr. Lecter.

One potential area for improvement is to provide more visual description and sensory details. For example, when describing the cage, the scene could benefit from more specific details about the size, appearance, and atmosphere of the cage, as well as the surrounding room. This would help to enhance the setting and create a clearer picture for the reader.

Additionally, the dialogue between Clarice and Dr. Lecter is engaging, but it could be further strengthened by adding more subtext and layers. While the conversation touches upon their hunt for Buffalo Bill and Lecter's manipulation, it could delve deeper into their psychological motivations and the underlying power dynamics at play. Adding more depth and complexity to their interaction would make the scene more compelling and provide deeper insight into their characters.

Overall, this scene effectively establishes the setting and characters, and the dialogue between Clarice and Dr. Lecter drives the plot forward. With some additional visual description and deeper exploration of subtext, this scene could be even stronger.

Suggestions Overall, the scene is effective in terms of dialogue and character development. However, there are a few suggestions to consider for improvement:

1. Add more visual description: While the dialogue is important, it's also essential to paint a clear picture for the reader. Include more visual cues to enhance the imagery, such as describing the historical society room, the iron cage, and Dr. Lecter's surroundings.

2. Clarify character actions: Clearly indicate when Pembry waves Clarice on her way and when Boyle moves away to give her privacy. These actions help depict the physical movement of the characters and make the scene more engaging.

3. Create stronger emotional tension: Clarice and Dr. Lecter have a complex relationship, filled with tension and psychological games. Emphasize this tension through their body language, eye contact, and subtle facial expressions.

4. Simplify some of the dialogue: Consider simplifying some of the dialogue exchanges, making them more concise and impactful. Streamlining the conversation can help maintain momentum and prevent the scene from feeling overwritten.

5. Reveal more about Dr. Lecter's character: Given Dr. Lecter's enigmatic persona, find opportunities to delve deeper into his psyche and reveal more about his motivations. This can add layers to his character and make him even more intriguing to the audience.

By incorporating these suggestions, you can refine the scene and make it more dynamic, visually appealing, and emotionally charged.

Scene 28 - The Little Girl

Overall: 9.0
Concept: 9
Plot: 8
Characters: 10
Dialogue: 9

THE LITTLE GIRL

in her winter coat, slips noiselessly towards the open
barn door. She ducks into the shadows to avoid a ranch
hand, who passes her with a squirming bundle of some kind.
He goes into the barn, and she edges after him reluctantly.

CLARICE (V.O.)
I crept up to the barn... I was so
scared to look inside - but I had to...

THE LITTLE GIRL'S POV

as the open doorway LOOMS CLOSER... Bright lights inside,
straw bales, the edges of stalls, then moving figures...

DR. LECTER (V.O.)
And what did you see, Clarice?

A SQUIRMING LAMB

is held down on a table by two ranch hands.

CLARICE (V.O.)
Lambs. The lambs were screaming...

A third cowboy stretches out the lamb's neck, raises a
bloody knife. Just as he's about to slice its throat -

BACK TO THE ADULT CLARICE

staring into the distance, shaken, still trembling from
the child's shock. We see Dr. Lecter, over her shoulder,
studying her intently.

DR. LECTER
They were slaughtering the spring
lambs?
91.

CLARICE
Yes...! They were screaming.

DR. LECTER
So you ran away...

CLARICE
No. First I tried to free them... I
opened the gate of their pen - but
they wouldn't run. They just stood
there, confused. They wouldn't run...

DR. LECTER
But you could. You did.

CLARICE
I took one lamb. And I ran away, as
fast as I could...

IN FLASHBACK

a vast Montana plain, and crossing this, a tiny figure -
the little Clarice, holding a lamb in her arms.

DR. LECTER (V.O.)
Where were you going?

CLARICE (V.O.)
I don't know. I had no food or water.
It was very cold. I thought - if I can
even save just one... but he got so
heavy. So heavy...

The tiny figure stops, and after a few moments sinks to
the ground, hunched over in dispair.

CLARICE (V.O.)
(continuing)
I didn't get more than a few miles
before the sheriff's car found me. The
rancher was so angry he sent me to
live at the Lutheran orphanage in
Bozeman. I never saw the ranch again...

DR. LECTER (V.O.)
But what became of your lamb?
(no response)
Clarice...?
92.

BACK TO SCENE

as the adult Clarice turns, staring into his feverish
eyes. She shakes her head, unwilling - or unable - to say
more.

DR. LECTER
You still wake up sometimes, don't
you? Wake up in the dark, with the
lambs screaming?

CLARICE
Yes...

DR. LECTER
Do you think if you saved Catherine,
you could make them stop...? Do you
think, if Catherine lives, you won't
wake up in the dark, ever again, to
the screaming of the lambs? Do you...?

CLARICE
Yes! I don't know...! I don't know.

DR. LECTER
(a pause; then, oddly
at peace)
Thank you, Clarice.

CLARICE
(a whisper)
Tell me his name, Dr. Lecter.

DR. LECTER
Dr. Chilton... I believe you know each
other?

NEW ANGLE

as Clarice turns, startled, and the fuming Chilton seizes
her elbow. Pembry and Boyle are beside him, looking grim.

CHILTON
Out. Let's go.

PEMBRY
Sorry, ma'a m - we've got orders
tohave you put on a place.

Clarice struggles, pulling free of them for a moment.
93.

DR. LECTER
Brave Clarice. Will you let me know if
ever the lambs stop screaming?

CLARICE
(moving closer to the
bars)
Yes. I'll tell you.

DR. LECTER
Promise...?
(she nods. He smiles)
Then why not take your case file? I
won't be needing it anymore.

He holds out the file, arm extended between the bars. She
hesitates, then reaches to take it.

VERY CLOSE ANGLE - SLOW MOTION

as the exchange is made, his index finger touches her
hand, and lingers there, just for a moment.

DR. LECTER'S EYES

widen, crackling at this touch, like sparks in a cave.

DR. LECTER
Good-bye, Clarice.

CLARICE

hugging the case file to her chest, stares back at him as
the men crowd in on her, pushing her away.

HER POV - MOVING

as Dr. Lecter, head cocked in a smile, slowly recedes...

DISSOLVE TO:

Genres: ["Thriller","Psychological Drama","Crime"]

Summary Clarice recalls a traumatic childhood experience of witnessing lambs being slaughtered. Dr. Lecter uses this to probe her motivations and fears.

Strengths "Intense and psychological dialogue between characters, the revelation of Clarice's traumatic past, strong character development."

Weaknesses "Limited action, slow pacing."

Critique This scene is from the movie "The Silence of the Lambs" and is a pivotal moment between the characters Clarice and Dr. Lecter. Here are some key aspects to consider when critiquing this scene:

1. Atmosphere and setting: The scene effectively creates a tense and eerie atmosphere, with the open barn door, shadows, and bright lights inside. The use of a cold winter setting adds to the sense of isolation and vulnerability.

2. Visual storytelling: The scene utilizes visual storytelling to convey the little girl's perspective and emotions. By showing the little girl's point of view and the images she sees, such as the squirming lamb and the ranch hands preparing to slaughter it, the scene emphasizes her traumatic experience.

3. Dialogue and voiceover: The use of dialogue and voiceover helps to provide additional context and insight into Clarice's character and her past trauma. The dialogue between Clarice and Dr. Lecter reveals her strong emotional connection to the lambs and her desire to save them, which parallels her current mission to save Catherine.

4. Acting and characterization: Both Jodie Foster (Clarice) and Anthony Hopkins (Dr. Lecter) deliver powerful performances in this scene. Foster effectively portrays Clarice's vulnerability and trauma, while Hopkins brings an unsettling calmness to Dr. Lecter.

5. Symbolism: The scene's symbolism, particularly the lambs and their screams, serves to represent innocence and victimization. The lambs' screams mirror the fear and helplessness felt by Clarice and the victims she is trying to save.

Overall, this scene effectively creates tension, conveys emotional depth, and advances the characters' development and motivations. The combination of visual storytelling, dialogue, and strong performances makes it a standout moment in the film.

Suggestions Here are some suggestions for improving this scene:

1. Clearly establish the location and atmosphere of the barn. You can use description to paint a vivid picture of the setting, including the sights, sounds, and smells, to immerse the reader in the scene.

2. Consider adding more action and movement to the characters. For example, instead of stating that the little girl slips noiselessly towards the barn door, you can show her tiptoeing or stepping carefully to add tension and suspense.

3. Show more of the little girl's emotions and reactions. Instead of just stating that she was scared, describe her facial expressions, body language, and internal thoughts to make the audience empathize with her fear.

4. Add more sensory details to enhance the description of the lambs and their suffering. Use vivid language to convey the sounds of their screams, the smell of blood, and the sight of their struggling bodies.

5. Explore the relationship between Dr. Lecter and Clarice further. Show more of their interaction and the dynamics between them. For example, instead of just stating that he studies her intently, show the intensity of his gaze and how it makes her feel.

6. Consider adding some dialogue or internal thoughts for the ranch hands or other characters in the barn scene to provide more context and deepen the atmosphere.

7. Think about the pacing of the scene and how it fits into the overall story arc. You may want to adjust the length or intensity of the scene to maintain momentum and tension in the narrative.

8. Add a resolution or conclusion to the scene. For example, instead of ending abruptly with Dr. Lecter's goodbye, you can show Clarice's reaction or have her reflect on what she has learned from this conversation.

Overall, aim to make the scene more engaging, emotional, and impactful by using descriptive language, strong character reactions, and meaningful dialogue.

Scene 29 - Desperate Escape

Overall: 8.0
Concept: 7
Plot: 8
Characters: 9
Dialogue: 7

INT. GARMENT SWEATSHOP - DAY

MOVING ANGLE - MR. GUMB'S POV as he pushes a rolling rack
of completed leather garments, each wrapped in plastic,
down as aisle. SOUND of many sewing machines, all
clattering at once, as he passes row on row of work
tables. The seamstresses, mostly black or Hispanic, glance
up as he passes, then quickly avert their eyes, his
presence disturbing them in some nameless way.
94.

A thin FOREMAN in a flowery shirt, sees him approaching.
He rises from his desk and comes over cheerfully, as the
rack rolls to a stop.

FOREMAN
Hello, dear! Punctual as always. And
what have you brought us today?

He seizes one of the dangling jackets, pulling up the
plastic wrapper. He examines it, stroking the sleeve.

FOREMAN
(continuing)
Oh, marvelous... You know, I always
say you're the Leonardo of leather.

MR. GUMB (O.S.)
(a harsh whisper)
Oil.

FOREMAN
Pardon...?

MR. GUMB (O.S.)
You're leaving oil on the skin.

The foreman quickly releases the jacket.

FOREMAN
Of course... You'll be wanting your -

Mr. Gumb's hand reaches INTO SHOT, snatching an envelope
from him. The foreman is watching him walk away, as a
seamstress comes over to take the rack of garments. The
foreman is vaguely troubled, but shakes it off. He strokes
the jacket again, admiringly.

FOREMAN
(continuing; to
seamstress)
I wish we had a dozen like him...

SOUND UPCUT - Glenn Gould playing Bach's Goldberg
Variations...

CUT TO:

INT. MEMPHIS INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT - LOUNGE AREA - DUSK

Clarice, in a line of other passengers, is moving slowly
towards a departure ramp. Through a huge plate glass
window, we can see her plane. She glances back over her
shoulder at
95.

A pair of UNIFORMED COPS brawny and impassive, their arms
folded, waiting to make sure she board the flight.

Clarice sighs, turning wearily back towards the jetway.
The BACH CONTINUES, as we...

CUT TO:

Genres: ["Thriller","Drama"]

Summary Clarice's failed attempt to escape leads to her confronting Senator Martin, getting reprimanded by Deputy Attorney General Krendler, pleading for Dr. Lecter's help, and investigating the case further before being removed from the case and instructed to return to Quantico.

Strengths "Intense atmosphere, strong character dynamics, high stakes"

Weaknesses "Some dialogue could be stronger and more impactful"

Critique As a screenwriting expert, I would provide the following critique for the scene:

Overall, the scene sets a strong visual and auditory tone with the moving angle and sound of the sewing machines. The description of the sweatshop and its workers gives a clear sense of the environment and the dynamics between the characters.

The dialogue between Mr. Gumb and the foreman is effective in conveying the tense and uncomfortable atmosphere in the sweatshop. The foreman's cheerfulness contrasts with the discomfort felt by the workers, creating a sense of unease. However, the transition from Mr. Gumb's harsh whisper to the foreman's line, "Pardon...?" could be smoother to avoid confusion.

The interaction between Mr. Gumb and the foreman builds tension and intrigue. Mr. Gumb's actions, such as snatching the envelope, add to his mysterious and unsettling character.

The use of Glenn Gould's performance of Bach's Goldberg Variations adds depth and emotion to the scene. It enhances the mood and provides a juxtaposition to Clarice's situation at the airport, creating a sense of connection between the two storylines.

In terms of improvement, it would be beneficial to provide more specific details about the characters' actions and emotions to enhance the visual storytelling. Additionally, adding more subtext and layering to the scene could further develop the characters and their relationships.

Overall, the scene effectively sets up tension, establishes a unique atmosphere, and provides a strong continuation of the narrative. With a few small adjustments to clarify and enhance certain elements, it has the potential to be a compelling and engaging scene.

Suggestions Here are some suggestions to improve the scene:

1. Add more visual descriptions: Instead of just stating that Mr. Gumb is pushing a rolling rack, describe the rack and the garments in more detail. For example, mention the variety of leather garments and their colors or styles.

2. Show the emotions of the seamstresses: Instead of just stating that the presence of Mr. Gumb disturbs the seamstresses, show their reactions through their body language or facial expressions. This will help to convey the tension in the scene more effectively.

3. Develop the interaction between Mr. Gumb and the foreman: Instead of just having the foreman compliment the garments, add more dialogue or actions to show the dynamics between the two characters. For example, have the foreman try to engage Mr. Gumb in conversation or react differently to Mr. Gumb's harsh whisper.

4. Include more sounds in the sweatshop: Besides the clattering of sewing machines, add other sounds that contribute to the atmosphere of the sweatshop, such as the humming of ventilation systems, the rustling of fabric, or the chatter among the seamstresses.

5. Clarify the connection between the sweatshop and the airport: As the scene transitions from the sweatshop to the airport, make the connection more explicit. For example, describe the time gap between the two settings and establish a visual link, such as having Clarice look at her watch or a sign showing the departure time of her flight.

6. Use the Bach music as an emotional cue: Instead of just mentioning that Glenn Gould is playing Bach's Goldberg Variations, describe how the music affects the mood of the scene. For example, mention how the music intensifies Clarice's feelings of exhaustion or anticipation as she looks at her departing plane.

By incorporating these suggestions, you can enhance the visual and emotional impact of the scene, making it more engaging for the audience.

Scene 30 - Confrontation in the Cell

Overall: 8.0
Concept: 8
Plot: 9
Characters: 8
Dialogue: 7

INT. SHELBY CO. COURTHOUSE - HISTORICAL SOCIETY ROOM -
NIGHT

CLOSE ON a steaming, rather elegant dinner tray, being
carried by Pembry, as he approaches Dr. Lecter's cell.

PEMBRY
(shouts)
Ready when you are, Doc!

IN THE CELL

the BACH is issuing from the cassette player. Beside it,
on the table, the pile of Dr. Lecter's drawings. The top
one is an accurate, sensitive portrait, from memory, of
Clarice. Beyond the table, we see Lecter's shadowy form,
seated behind the paper screen. He calls out from there.

DR. LECTER (O.S.)
Just another minute, please!

Pembry grunts, sets the tray down. Boyle joins him,
handing him a riot baton and a Mace cannister, which
Pembry fastens to belt clips. Boyle is similarly armed,
and carries a ring of keys.

PEMBRY
Sumbitch demanded lamb chops for
dinner, extra rare.

BOYLE
(laughs)
What you reckon he'll want for
breakfast - some fuckin' thing from
the zoo?

INSIDE THE SCREEN

Dr. Lecter sits fully clothed on the toilet - swaying
slightly, eyes closed, lost in the music, tongue working
in his cheek. Suddenly, like magic, a little shiny piece
of metal protrudes from his lips. He plucks it out, opens
his eyes.
96.

IN EXTREME CLOSEUP

he is holding the pocket clip from Prentice's disassembled
pen - a straight, thin strip of metal, with a circular
collar at one end, a square edge at the other.

DR. LECTER

lines up his thumbnail just shy of the square edge, then
braces it against the stainless steel toilet rim. He
pushes down, hard, using both hands for leverage. After a
moment he smiles, holding up the result, and twirling it
before his eyes.

IN EXTREME CLOSEUP

the straight end of the clip now forms a tiny right angle,
and the circular end anchors nicely between his fingers.

OUTSIDE THE CELL

Pembry and Boyle turn as the toilet FLUSHES, and Dr.
Lecter reappears, looking jaunty.

PEMBRY
Okay, Doc, grab some floor. Same drill
as lunchtime.

Dr. Lecter sits on the floor, legs straight, then wriggles
backwards. He stretches his arms behind him, hands and
wrists through the bars, with two bars between them, and
clasps his hands.

DR. LECTER
I'm ready when you are, Officer Pembry.

Pembry comes around the cell to squat behind Dr. Lecter.
He tugs his hands farther out, rather roughly, handcuffs
his wrists. He shakes the cuffs, making sure of them, then
nods to Boyle.

NEW ANGLE - AT CELL DOOR

as Boyle picks up the dinner tray, and Pembry crosses
around. Pembry takes the keys from Boyle, unlocks the cell
door, and pushes it inward. Boyle goes inside with the
tray.

DR. LECTER

watches as Boyle approaches the table, above five feet
from him. Boyle has to set his tray down on the floor to
clear off some of the mess of drawings. The MUSIC plays on.
97.

VERY CLOSE ON

... Dr. Lecter's hands, outside the bars, as the makeshift
key, held between the tips of his right index and middle
fingers, searches for the keyhole of the cuffs. And finds
it.

NEW ANGLE - FAVORING BOYLE

as he finishes clearing the drawings, then turns back
towards Dr. Lecter, stooping to pick up the tray.

BOYLE'S RIGHT HAND

is just inches from the tray when Dr. Lecter's hand darts
INTO SHOT, snapping a handcuff onto his wrist.

BOYLE

looks up, astonished, to find himself right in the
grinning face of Dr. Lecter - who just as quickly rolls
sideways, and snaps -

THE OTHER CUFF

around the bolted leg of the table. And suddenly all
natural SOUND and MOTION are suspended, as the MUSIC soars
much louder, each separate note of it now echoing
distinctly, and we see...

VARIOUS ANGLES - EACH BLURRING INTO STOP-ACTION

Pembry starting into the cell, reaching for his riot
baton...

Dr. Lecter smashing against the cell door, driving it into
Pembry, pinning him across the chest, against the door
frame...

Boyle, on one knee on the floor, digging desperately in
his pants pocket for his handcuff key...

Pembry's hand, mashed against his body by the door, as he
strains frantically to reach the baton at his waist...

Pembry's eyes, widening in horror as he stares at...

Dr. Lecter's bared teeth, flashing towards him...

Dr. Lecter gripping Pembry's face in his jaws, shaking it
like a dog shakes a rat...

Boyle finding his key, but in his terror dropping it...
98.

Dr. Lecter yanking the mace can and riot baton from the
dazed Pembry's belt, spraying him in his bloody face, then
clubbing him to his knees...

Boyle, mouth open in a silent scream, finding his key
again, unlocking the handcuff, but then, as he starts to
rise, seeing...

Dr. Lecter standing over him, with the riot baton raised
high; he swings it viciously down, again and again and
again... Then normal SOUND and MOTION are restored as we
go to -

CLOSE ANGLE ON

the cassette player, and the portrait of Clarice, both now
flecked with blood. In addition to the Bach, we now hear
soft PANTING, close by, and whimpering SOBS in the
background.

ANGLE ON DR. LECTER

eyes closed, lost in a favorite passage of the music. His
bloody fingers drift airily with the notes, as his
breathing slows to normal. He opens his eyes, sighs
contentedly, looks down.

HIS POV

By the sprawled legs of Boyle lie various objects that
spilled from his pants pocket - coins, a comb, a big
pocketknife.

DR. LECTER

picks up the pocketknife, examines it happily. About a
four-inch blade. He becomes aware of the WHIMPERING, off
screen, turns.

LOW ANGLE ON PEMBRY

as he crawls, with torturous slowness, towards the command
desk, and the phone. He is crying, but frantically
determined.

PEMBRY'S POV - PARTIALLY BLURRED, THEN CLEARING

Above the desk, hanging from pegs, are his and Boyle's
holstered revolvers...

CUT TO:
99.

Genres: ["Thriller","Horror"]

Summary Clarice confronts Dr. Lecter in his cell, seeking his help in finding Buffalo Bill. Dr. Lecter taunts her and questions her motives. Clarice shares a traumatic childhood experience, and Dr. Lecter uses it to probe her motivations. Dr. Lecter overpowers Pembry and Boyle in his cell, resulting in a bloody confrontation. The scene ends with Dr. Lecter examining a pocketknife and Pembry crawling towards a phone for help.

Strengths "The scene is tense and impactful, with strong conflict between the characters and a high-stakes situation."

Weaknesses "Some dialogue could be more impactful and memorable."

Critique This scene is filled with tension and suspense, which is effective in engaging the audience and keeping them on the edge of their seats. The writing effectively sets the mood with its descriptions and dialogue, creating a dark and ominous atmosphere.

The use of visual and auditory details adds to the intensity of the scene. The description of the drawings and the music playing in the background adds depth to the character of Dr. Lecter and creates contrasting emotions for the audience. The use of extreme close-ups and different angles also helps to enhance the visual experience.

The action in the scene is well-paced and described in a way that allows the reader to visualize the events clearly. The sequence of Dr. Lecter escaping from his handcuffs and overpowering Pembry and Boyle is suspenseful and provides a thrilling climax to the scene.

One suggestion for improvement would be to provide more context and characterization for Pembry and Boyle. As minor characters in this scene, their dialogue and actions could be better developed to give the audience a stronger understanding of their personalities and motivations.

Overall, this scene is well-written, engaging, and effectively conveys the tension and suspense of the moment.

Suggestions As a screenwriting expert, here are some suggestions to improve the scene:

1. Add more visual description: The scene lacks vivid and specific visual descriptions. Include details about the lighting, set design, and character movements to enhance the visual experience for the reader.

2. Clarify character actions and blocking: Clearly describe the physical actions and movements of characters in the scene. This will help the actors and director understand the logistics of the scene.

3. Deepen character relationships: Explore the dynamics between Pembry and Boyle, as well as their relationship with Dr. Lecter. This can be done through dialogue and subtext, revealing their attitudes and feelings towards each other.

4. Build tension: Amp up the tension in the scene by utilizing pacing, suspenseful moments, and foreshadowing. Add moments of silence or heightened sound effects to create a more intense atmosphere.

5. Emphasize the emotional impact: Show the emotional reactions of the characters when they realize the danger they are in. Highlight the fear, panic, and desperation they experience.

6. Heighten the violence: While it's important to strike a balance, consider adding more intensity to the violence of Dr. Lecter's attack. Use descriptive language and specific details to create a more impactful and visceral scene.

7. Incorporate sensory details: Bring in more sensory details to immerse the audience in the scene. Describe the scents, sounds, and physical sensations to enhance the readers' experience.

8. Show the aftermath: Consider including a moment after the violence has ended to show the aftermath and the emotional and physical state of the characters involved.

By incorporating these suggestions, you can enhance the impact and effectiveness of the scene, making it more engaging for readers and potentially for audiences.

Scene 31 - Escape and Confrontation

Overall: 8.0
Concept: 7
Plot: 9
Characters: 8
Dialogue: 6

INT. COURTHOUSE - GROUND FLOOR LOBBY - NIGHT

The bronze arrow above the elevator swings towards "5,"
then indicates a stop there, at the top floor.

FAVORING SGT. TATE

at his command desk, as he stares at the indicator.
Another cop, JACOBS, sits on the desk's edge, flipping
through a magazine; many more cops can be seen beyond
them, idling in the lobby.

SGT. TATE
What is this shit...? Did somebody go
up to five?
(Jacobs shakes his
head)
Call Pembry, ask him what -

A GUNSHOT, and then, moments later, TWO MORE quick ones,
echo down the nearby stairwell. Sgt. Tate jumps to his
feet, grabs a radio mike, as the other cops stir, confused
and noisy.

SGT. TATE
(continuing; into
mike)
CP, shots fired on five! Repeat, shots
fires on five! Outside posts look
sharp, we've got a... Ho-ly shit.

THE BRONZE ARROW

has begun to descend. Down to 4, then past 4...

BACK ON SGT. TATE

as he reacts. The other cops, behind him, are now in a
full uproar, shouting, pulling out guns.

SGT. TATE
(to the others)
SHUT UP...! Guard mount, double up on
your outside posts. Bobby, get the
vests. Rainey, Howard, cover that
fucking elevator if it comes all the
way to -

A COP (O.S.)
It stopped!
100.

THE BRONZE ARROW

has, indeed, frozen at 3.

Sgt. Tate lifts the microphone again.

SGT. TATE
(into mike)
Seal off a ten-block radius. Get me
the SWAT team and an ambulance, double
quick. We're going up.

CUT TO:

INT. STAIRWELL - NIGHT (DIMLY LIT)

HIGH ANGLE on Sgt. Tate as he leads a five-man squad, all
in bulletproof vests, up the stone stairs. They move fast
but carefully, covering each other from landing to landing
with drawn revolvers, shotguns. The distant Back MUSIC
makes a ghostly echo in here...

CUT TO:

INT. THIRD FLOOR CORRIDOR - NIGHT (DIMLY LIT)

A thin rectangle of light on the floor from the open
elevator door. We can't see inside. The MUSIC sounds
closer.

SGT. TATE

approaches very cautiously, gun aimed. The other cops,
behind him, fan out silently to set up angles of fire,
checking the various office doors - all locked - as they
creep up.

MOVING ANGLE - OVER TATE'S SHOULDER

as he reaches the side of the elevator, hesitates, then
spins to point his gun inside. It's empty. He backs away.

SGT. TATE
(shouts at ceiling)
Pembry? Boyle...?

CUT TO:

INT. HISTORICAL SOCIETY ROOM - NIGHT (BRIGHTLY LIT)

ANGLE on the door, from inside, its lettering reversed on
the frosted glass. The Bach is VERY LOUD.
101.

After a moment the door is shouldered open, hard enough
for the glass to shatter, Tate following his gun inside,
moving low, then other cops appearing behind him in the
doorframe. They all freeze, staring in utter horror.

SGT. TATE
Oh no... no...

THEIR POV

is a brief snapshot from hell. The two uniformed bodies,
one sprawled on its back near the door, the other still in
the cell, have been savaged by a knife. Blood and gore
everywhere. The faces are unrecognizable.

SGT. TATE

struggles for control, as the other cops move grimly
around him, into the room. He pulls his walkie-talkie from
his belt.

SGT. TATE
(into mike)
Command post... Two offi-
(a beat; clears his
throat)
Two officers down. Prisoner is
missing. Repeat, Lecter is missing...
He's stripped the bed, might be making
a rope, check all windows. Where the
fuck is my ambulance?

IN THE CELL

a cop angrily punches OFF the music. Jacobs kneels with
his fingers on Boyle's neck.

JACOBS
Boyle is dead, Sarge. His gun's gone...

AT THE OTHER BODY

a cop gently removes a revolver from the bloody fist.
Murray, the young patrolman, brings his ear reluctantly
close to the gory face. A bloody bubble appears there; the
wreckage GROANS, very softly.

MURRAY
This one's alive!

Tate crosses, kneels to see for himself. Murray looks
green.
102.

SGT. TATE
Take ahold of him where he can feel
your hands, son. Talk to him.

MURRAY
What's his name, Sarge?

SGT. TATE
It's Pembry, now talk to him, God
dammit.
(into radio, looking
around)
Boyle's dead, Pembry's read bad.
Lecter is missing and armed - he took
Boyle's gun...

The other cop, checking the cylinder of Pembry's gun,
holds up one finger to Tate.

SGT. TATE
(continuing; into
radio)
Pembry got off one round - there's a
chance Lecter was hit. We heard a
total of three shots fired, so he's
got four left... He's got a knife, too.

CUT TO:

Genres: ["Mystery","Thriller"]

Summary Dr. Lecter overpowers his guards and escapes from his cell, resulting in a brutal confrontation.

Strengths "Strong tension and suspense, well-paced action, high stakes"

Weaknesses "Dialogue could be stronger and more impactful"

Critique Overall, the scene is well-written and effectively builds tension. The use of specific details, such as the bronze arrow above the elevator and the sound of gunshots, adds authenticity and helps to immerse the reader in the story. The dialogue between Sgt. Tate and the other cops feels realistic and natural, capturing the chaos and urgency of the situation.

One area for improvement is the description of the setting. While the reader gets a sense of the location being a courthouse and the actions of the characters, there is minimal description of the physical space. Adding more details about the surroundings, such as the layout of the lobby or the appearance of the stairs and corridors, would help to create a more vivid picture for the reader.

Additionally, the scene could benefit from more sensory details to enhance the atmosphere. For example, describing the sound of footsteps echoing in the stairwell or the smell of gunpowder in the air would help to engage the reader's senses and make the scene more immersive.

Overall, the scene effectively captures the tension and urgency of the situation, but could be enhanced with more detailed setting descriptions and sensory details.

Suggestions Overall, the scene is quite strong and effective in building tension and setting up the upcoming events. However, here are a few suggestions to further improve the scene:

1. Clarify the location: Provide a clearer description of the layout of the courthouse, especially the lobby area. This will help the reader visualize the scene better and understand the characters' positions within the space.

2. Add more sensory descriptions: Use more sensory details to enhance the atmosphere and make the scene more immersive. For example, describe any sounds, smells, or lighting conditions that stand out in the courthouse.

3. Vary the dialogue tags: Instead of using repetitive tags like "Sgt. Tate" or "SGT. TATE (into mike)," look for opportunities to vary the dialogue tags. This will make the conversation flow more smoothly and prevent the repetition from becoming distracting.

4. Show the characters' emotions: Explore the emotional reactions of the characters in the scene in more depth. How do they feel when they hear the gunshots? How do they react to the horrific scene in the Historical Society Room? Show their emotions through their actions, dialogue, and internal thoughts.

5. Tighten the pacing: Consider condensing some of the long descriptions and streamlining the action sequences to maintain a fast-paced and suspenseful rhythm. You can achieve this by focusing on the most essential details and cutting out any extraneous information.

6. Build tension with visual cues: Use visual cues and imagery to build tension. For example, describe the characters' body language, their expressions, or the way they hold their guns. These details can add to the suspense and create a more intense atmosphere.

7. Diversify the sentence structure: Vary the length and structure of sentences to keep the writing engaging and add a sense of energy to the scene. Use shorter, punchier sentences during intense moments and longer, more descriptive sentences during quieter moments.

By implementing these suggestions, you can enhance the scene's impact and improve its overall effectiveness in the story.

Scene 32 - Confrontation and Escape

Overall: 9.0
Concept: 8
Plot: 9
Characters: 8
Dialogue: 7

EXT. STREET IN FRONT OF COURTHOUSE - NIGHT

VARIOUS ANGLES on a floodlit scene of barely controlled
pandemonium. Flashing red lights, men shouting commands,
SIRENS in the distance. SWAT members, in full gear, leap
from a black van... fan out... swarm up the steps... EMS
orderlies unload a gurney from an ambulance... Cops kneel
for cover behind cars, aiming guns and rifles up at the
windows...

CUT TO:

INT. HISTORICAL SOCIETY ROOM - NIGHT

A trio of EMS orderlies work fast over the body, already
strapped on its gurney. Then bandage a big plastic airway
into place, over the butchered face, checking for a pulse
at the neck. Young Murray crouches, sickened, gripping a
bloody fist.

MURRAY
You're just fine, Pembry, lookin'
good, buddy, you're gonna make it...
103.

One orderly massages the heart. Another is popping a
plasma bag, ready to insert the needle, when the body
starts convulsing.

ORDERLY
Downstairs - let's go!

Quickly the gurney is elevated, wheeled out of the room,
with cops rushing forward to open the doors, help push,
SWAT men are running by in the hall, automatic rifles at
the ready...

CUT TO:

INT. THE ELEVATOR - DESCENDING - NIGHT

Sgt. Tate, riding down with Jacobs, has his radio out.

SGT. TATE
(into mike)
Ten-four, Lieutenant. I'm on the
elevator, bringing it down. Pembry and
Boyle are both cleared, top three
floors secured, main stairwell
secured. He's somewhere on -

A spot of blood falls on his cheek. He and Jacobs stare at
each other. Another spot hits his shoulder. They look up.

THEIR POV

Blood is dripping slowly from the corner of the service
hatch.

Sgt. Tate motions for silence, as both men draw their guns.

SGT. TATE
(into mike)
Uh, we're pretty sure he's somewhere
on two, sir... That's all for now,
over.

CUT TO:

INT. GROUND FLOOR LOBBY - NIGHT

The elevator doors open, and Tate and Jacobs hurry out,
stepping quickly to the side. Tate reaches back in and -

CLOSE ANGLE

Locks the elevator into position, with its doors open.
104.

OTHER COPS are rushing up to them, curious, as Tate
frantically pushes them aside, gesturing for silence.

SGT. TATE
(whispers)
He's on the roof of the elevator!

CUT TO:

INT. THIRD FLOOR CORRIDOR - NIGHT

Two SWAT officers, PETERSON and KUBELL, turn a key,
unlocking and opening this floor's elevator doorway. The
shaft is dark. Lying prone, they inch up to the edge,
Peterson extends a mirror, on a long pole, out into the
shaft.

IN THE MIRROR (DISTORTED BY THE ANGLE)

Is a distant figure, in a green prison jumpsuit, lying on
his stomach, atop the elevator. A shiny revolver is near
one hand.

PETERSON

whispers into a radio, as Kubell carefully tips an assault
rifle, with a flashlight taped to its barrel, over the
edge.

PETERSON
I see him... There's a weapon by his
hand. He's not moving...

RADIO VOICE
Can you get the drop?

PETERSON
We got the drop.

RADIO VOICE
One warning. Then take him out.

Peterson nods to Kubell, who switches ON the flashlight,
as Peterson shouts down the shaft.

PETERSON
Quinn!! put your hands on your head!!

IN THE MIRROR

the green figure shows no movement.
105.

ANGLE ON THE COPS AGAIN

as Peterson mutters to Kubell.

PETERSON
Put one in his leg.

VERY CLOSE ON

The figure below, as Kubell's gunshot ROARS, echoing
hugely in the shaft, and a slug rips through the
jumpsuited leg. The figure doesn't stir.

PETERSON

staring down the shaft, raises his mike again.

PETERSON
No movement.

RADIO VOICE
Okay, Johnny, hold your fire...

CUT TO:

Genres: ["Thriller","Crime","Drama"]

Summary Dr. Lecter overpowers his guards and escapes from his cell, leading to a brutal confrontation.

Strengths "Intense action, high stakes, memorable visuals"

Weaknesses "Dialogue could be stronger, theme could be further emphasized"

Critique Overall, the scene is well-written and effectively conveys the sense of chaos and urgency. The use of short, concise sentences and vivid descriptions helps to build tension and keep the reader engaged. The scene transitions are also clear and seamless, allowing for an easy flow of visuals.

However, there are a few areas that could be improved upon. Firstly, the action and dialogue in the scene could benefit from more specific details, such as providing more specific directions or actions for the characters. This would help to add clarity and create a stronger visual image for the reader.

Additionally, some of the dialogue could be made more natural and realistic. For example, the line "You're just fine, Pembry, lookin' good, buddy, you're gonna make it..." feels slightly forced and could be revised to sound more authentic.

Lastly, although the scene effectively captures the chaos and urgency of the situation, it would be beneficial to provide more context and background information for the reader. This would help to give the scene more depth and allow the audience to better understand the significance of the events taking place.

Overall, this scene is well-written and effectively conveys the heightened emotions and tension of the situation. With a few revisions to enhance clarity and authenticity, this scene has the potential to be a compelling and engaging part of a screenplay.

Suggestions Overall, this scene is well-written and effectively conveys the chaotic and suspenseful atmosphere. Here are a few suggestions to enhance the scene further:

1. Visualize the setting: Provide more specific and vivid details about the street in front of the courthouse. What kind of buildings surround it? Are there any distinctive features or landmarks? This will help the reader picture the scene more clearly.

2. Build tension: Introduce more suspense as to why there is pandemonium outside the courthouse. Consider adding a mysterious detail or a visual cue that hints at the danger or urgency of the situation.

3. Show character reactions: Describe the emotions and reactions of the characters in more detail. For example, how does Murray's sickened state manifest? Does he tremble or turn pale? This will help the reader better understand his emotional state.

4. Clarify character actions: Make the actions of the EMS orderlies and cops more explicit. For example, specify if they are wearing protective gear, how they are handling their weapons, or how they position themselves for cover. This will make the scene more dynamic and visually engaging.

5. Vary sentence structure: Experiment with sentence structure to create a rhythm and flow that matches the intensity of the scene. Use shorter sentences for quick actions or bursts of dialogue, and longer, descriptive sentences to emphasize important moments.

6. Stick to present tense: Keep the narrative consistently in present tense throughout the scene to maintain immediacy and action.

7. Consider adding dialogue: If appropriate, include brief snippets of dialogue between characters to reveal their thoughts, provide additional context, or enhance the tension.

By implementing these suggestions, you can enhance the visual and emotional impact of the scene and create a more engaging experience for the reader.

Scene 33 - Escape and Revelation

Overall: 8.0
Concept: 7
Plot: 9
Characters: 8
Dialogue: 7

INT. GROUND FLOOR LOBBY - NIGHT

A small army of cops is now covering the elevator doorway,
from both sides. Tate crouches next to the SWAT COMMANDER.

SWAT COMMANDER
(into radio mike)
We're coming into the car, we're
opening the hatch. Watch his hands.
Any fire will come from us. Affirm?

PETERSON'S VOICE
Got it.

The SWAT commander hands his radio to another cop, then
looks at Tate. A long, tense moment. Then he waves a
signal.

MOVING ANGLE

as we follow a picked team of four SWAT cops, in full body
armor, rushing into the elevator car. Two men move to the
corners, aim assault rifles at the ceiling. A third man
sets a stepladder in place, and the fourth man, armed with
a big Colt, hurries up the ladder and unclips the hatch.
106.

CLOSE ON

... the service hatch, as the hinged cover drops open, and
a body tumbles through, dangling head first, until it's
caught at the waist. We see the back of the head.

SGT. TATE

shoulders through the SWAT cops for a closer look. He
turns towards the SWAT commander, astonished.

SGT. TATE
That's Pembry!

CUT TO:

INT. EMS AMBULANCE - MOVING

In the rear chamber, a young EMS ATTENDANT is braced
against the vehicle's sway. Behind him, the stretchered
form of his patient, and, through a curtained opening, the
driver. SOUND of the siren.

ATTENDANT
(into radio mike)
He's comatose, but his vital signs are
good. Pressure's 130 over 90... Yeah,
90! Pulse 85...

Behind him, in slightly BLURRED FOCUS, the bloody figure
sits slowly upright...

ATTENDANT
(continuing)
His convulsions have stopped, but he's
got so much loose skin on his face,
it's hard to tell if -

Suddenly he stops, becoming aware of a strange HISSING. He
turns, puzzled...

THE POCKETKNIFE BLADE

in Lecter's fist, flashes high in the air...

CUT TO:

EXT. SIX-LANE FREEWAY - NIGHT (ARC LIGHTS)

MOVING ANGLE on the EMS ambulance, as it races along
normally, its SIREN blazing, the heavy flow of traffic
parting to make way for it.
107.

Then suddenly it begins to weave erratically, changing
lanes, before drifting dangerously to a full stop, almost
side-ways. Cars swerve to avoid hitting it, HONKING
angrily...

CLOSER ANGLE

on the stopped ambulance. After a long, still moment, the
wind-shield wipes come one, incongruously, then stop. Then
the SIREN is shut OFF, and the flashers. The ambulance
starts rolling again - at first jerkingly, then with
increasing speed. We follow it for several more moments,
until is passes - and we LINGER on...

A BIG GREEN INTERSTATE SIGN

... that reads "Memphis International Airport / 2 miles."

CLOSE ANGLE - THROUGH AMBULANCE WINDSHIELD

Dr. Lecter's face is slowly REVEALED, as he wipes across
it with a fistful of gauze, tossing it aside...

DISSOLVE TO:

EXT. MONTANA PLAIN - DUSK - (IN FLASHBACK)

MOVING ANGLE, rushing with dizzy swiftness over the
prairie, over waving grasses... a long passage... before
we come at last to the girl Clarice, sitting with her
lamb, hunched in despair. She rises, her face tear-
stained, and turns from us. Holding the lamb, she starts
back the way she came...

CUT TO:

EXT. COUNTRY DIRT ROAD - NIGHT - BRIGHT MOONLIGHT

MOVING ANGLE, very rapid, down this road... coming at last
to a stopped highway patrol car. Clarice, with her lamb,
is standing in the car's headlights. She starts wearily
towards the sheriff...

CUT TO:

EXT. RANCH BARNYARD - NEAR DAWN

CRANE ANGLE - sweeping rapidly DOWN into the barnyard
towards the arriving highway patrol car, as it stops...
RUSHING to the little girl as she steps from the car,
holding the lamb.
108.

The dark figure of the rancher ENTERS FRAME. As he roughly
takes the lamb from her, we HOLD on a CLOSEUP of her
face - stunned, blank. She EXITS FRAME...

CUT TO:

EXT. BARN - NIGHT

MOVING ANGLE - CLARICE'S POV as she walks towards the open
barn doorway... It looms CLOSER... The rancher is
revealed, a shadowy figure, pinning the lamb on the
killing table. His knife hand sweeps up high, then
holds... He turns TO CAMERA, his face breaking into the
light - and it is the face of Dr. Lecter. He smiles his
terrible smile at the young Clarice...

CUT TO:

INT. FBI DORM - PAY PHONE IN HALLWAY - NIGHT

MOVING ANGLE - coming in very CLOSE on the adult Clarice's
face -shocked, devastated - as she stands alone by the
dangling receiver...

CUT TO:

INT. SHOWER STALL - FBI DORM - NIGHT

CLOSE ON a shower head, as water suddenly blasts out.
Clarice moves INTO SHOT, as she scrubs her face and hair
compulsively, almost desperately, unable to get clean...

ARDELIA (V.O.)
They found the ambulance...

CUT TO:

Genres: ["Thriller","Drama"]

Summary Dr. Lecter escapes from his cell, leading to a brutal confrontation. Clarice reflects on a traumatic childhood experience.

Strengths "The scene is filled with tension and suspense, with Dr. Lecter's escape and the aftermath of his actions. The dialogue between Clarice and Dr. Lecter is intense and reveals insights into their characters. The reveal of Clarice's traumatic childhood experience adds depth to her character."

Weaknesses "The scene could benefit from more specific descriptions of the actions and movements of the characters. The transition between the different locations could be clearer."

Critique Overall, the scene is well-written and effectively builds tension. The action is clear and easy to visualize. However, there are a few areas that could be improved:

1. Dialogue: The dialogue between characters feels a bit on-the-nose and lacks subtlety. For example, the exchange between the SWAT Commander and Peterson could benefit from more natural and nuanced language. Consider adding some subtext or character-specific dialogue to make the conversation more engaging.

2. Character development: While the scene effectively conveys the intensity of the situation, there is limited character development. Take the opportunity to delve deeper into the characters' personalities, motivations, and emotions. This will make the audience more invested in their actions and increase the overall impact of the scene.

3. Pacing: The scene moves quickly, which works to build tension, but it could benefit from some moments of pause or reflection. Consider adding brief beats of silence or internal thoughts to allow the audience to process the events unfolding and to give the scene a more dynamic rhythm.

4. Visual descriptions: The scene includes a lot of action and movement, but the visual descriptions could be more vivid and evocative. Enhance the sensory details and use stronger language to paint a more vivid picture for the reader and ultimately the viewer.

Overall, the scene is effective in building tension and advancing the plot. With a few adjustments, mainly in dialogue and character development, it could be even stronger and more engaging.

Suggestions - Clarify the location of the ground floor lobby. Is it in a specific building? Provide a brief description to help the audience visualize the setting.
- Add more specific details about the small army of cops covering the elevator doorway to create a more vivid image.
- Consider adding some tension or suspense to the scene by describing the SWAT team's movements and actions in more detail.
- When Tate sees Pembry's body, describe his emotions or reactions to convey the shock or surprise.
- Make the transition to the EMS ambulance scene smoother and clearer. It is currently unclear if the events are happening simultaneously or if there is a time jump.
- Add more details about the EMS attendant's surroundings and actions to paint a clearer picture of the scene.
- Use stronger, more impactful language to describe Lecter's actions in the ambulance. For example, instead of "the blade flashes high in the air," you could use "Lecter brandishes the pocketknife, the blade glinting menacingly in the air."
- Improve the transition to the scene on the freeway. Clarify why the ambulance is stopped or why it is weaving erratically.
- Provide more description of Dr. Lecter's face as it is revealed, highlighting his expression or any noticeable features.
- Clarify the purpose of the flashback scenes. Are they meant to provide background information or add emotional depth to the character of Clarice?
- Improve the transitions between the flashback scenes to make them smoother and easier for the audience to follow.
- Enhance the description of Clarice's emotions and reactions in the final few scenes to convey her shock and devastation more clearly.
- Consider adding more descriptive details to the scene in the FBI dorm shower stall to create a more vivid and emotionally charged image.

Scene 34 - Clarice's Revelation

Overall: 9.0
Concept: 8
Plot: 9
Characters: 8
Dialogue: 8

INT.CLARICE'S DORM ROOM - NIGHT

Clarice is hunched on her cot, in a bathrobe, her hair
wet. The Buffalo Bill case file, a think bundle, rests by
her feet. Ardelia hovers anxiously nearby.

ARDELIA
In the parking garage at Memphis
airport. The crew was dead. He killed
a tourist, too. Got his clothes,
cash... By now he could be anywhere.

Clarice looks up. Her eyes are red-rimmed with exhaustion,
and something close to despair. She reads Ardelia's
thought.
109.

CLARICE
No. He won't come after me.

ARDELIA
Why not?

CLARICE
(bitterly)
It would be rude. And he wouldn't get
to ask any more questions...

Ardelia sits beside her, touches her arm.

ARDELIA
Clarice - you did the best anybody
could have for Catherine Martin. You
stuck your neck out for her and you
got your butt kicked for her and you
tried. It's not your fault it ended
this way.

CLARICE
The worst part - the thing that's
making me crazy - is that Bill is
right in front of me. Only I can't see
him...
(touching the case
file)
Lecter said, everything I need to
catch him is right here, in these
pages...

ARDELIA
Lecter said a lot of things.

CLARICE
(shakes her head)
He's here, Ardelia.

Ardelia stares back at her. SOUND UPCUT - the low throb of
a washing machine...

CUT TO:

INT. LAUNDRY ROOM - ACADEMY DORM - NIGHT (VERY LATE)

Clarice has spread out the case file across two washing
machines. Ardelia, cross-legged on a dryer, studies
another pile of forms. Nearby is their laundry basket,
detergent box.
110.

ARDELIA
(surprised)
Hey, is this Lecter's handwriting?

She holds up the map, with its location markings for the
kidnapping and body dump sites. Clarice takes it, looks.

INSERT - THE MAP

with newly inked words in Dr. Lecter's precise, elegant
hand.

DR. LECTER (V.O.)
Clarice, doesn't this random
scattering of sites seem overdone to
you? Doesn't it seem desperately
random - like the elaborations of a
bad liar? Ta... Hannibal Lecter.

NEW ANGLE - TWO SHOT

as Clarice looks up at Ardelia, puzzled but excited.

CLARICE
"Desperately random." What does he
mean?

ARDELIA
Not random at all, maybe. Like there's
some pattern here...?

CLARICE
But there is no pattern. There's no
connection at all among these places,
or the computers would've nailed it!
They're even found in random order.

ARDELIA
Well, except for the one girl.

CLARICE
(beat)
What girl?

ARDELIA
The one that was weighted down. Where
is she...? Fred something.

They search among the inserts. Clarice finds the
graduation photo.
111.

CLARICE
Fredrica Bimmel, from Belvedere, Ohio.
The first girl taken, but the third
body found... Why?

ARDELIA
'Cause she didn't drift. He weighted
her down.

CLARICE
But why? He didn't weight the others.

Clarice moves, on fire, unable to keep still.

CLARICE
(continuing)
The first, what the hell did Lecter
say about... "First principles," he
said. Simplicity... What does this guy
do, he "covets." How do we first start
to covet? "We covet what we see -"

She stops, turns. She grabs the photo of Fredrica from
Ardelia, stares at it. She looks up, trembling.

CLARICE
(continuing)
"- every day."

ARDELIA
(softly)
Hot damn, Clarice.

CLARICE (V.O.)
He knew her...!

CUT TO:

Genres: ["Thriller","Crime"]

Summary Clarice and Ardelia analyze the Buffalo Bill case file in Clarice's dorm room. They discover a possible pattern in the locations of the kidnappings and body dump sites. Clarice realizes that the killer must know one of the first victims personally.

Strengths "Intense and suspenseful dialogue, strong character development for Clarice, a significant revelation that moves the plot forward"

Weaknesses "Limited external action or conflict"

Critique Overall, this scene effectively builds tension and further develops the character of Clarice. The dialogue between Clarice and Ardelia is well-written and reveals the emotional toll that the Buffalo Bill case has taken on Clarice. The use of Ardelia as a supportive friend adds depth to Clarice's character and provides some relief from the intensity of the scene.

One area that may benefit from improvement is the pacing of the scene. The transition from Clarice's dorm room to the laundry room feels abrupt and could be smoother. Additionally, while the dialogue helps to move the plot forward and provide important information, there are moments where it may feel slightly forced or unnatural. Some lines, such as "The worst part - the thing that's making me crazy - is that Bill is right in front of me. Only I can't see him..." could be rewritten to sound more organic and less on-the-nose.

The revelation about the map and Dr. Lecter's message adds a layer of intrigue to the story and helps to propel the plot forward. It effectively creates suspense and anticipation for what comes next.

Overall, this scene is well-written and effectively serves its purpose of advancing the plot and building tension. With some minor improvements to pacing and dialogue, it could be even stronger.

Suggestions - Consider adding more visual description to set the atmosphere of the scene. For example, describe the dimly lit dorm room, the sound of the washing machine, and the cluttered space with the case file spread out.
- Give the characters more physical actions to create movement and add depth to the scene. For example, Clarice could be flipping through pages of the case file or pacing while thinking.
- Explore the emotional state of Clarice further. Show her frustration and desperation more explicitly through her dialogue and actions.
- Consider pacing the dialogue to create more tension and suspense. You can achieve this by breaking up the dialogue with action beats or pauses.
- Provide more context or clarification about certain elements. For instance, explain how Clarice and Ardelia obtained the case file or why they are looking at it in the laundry room.
- Consider adding more specific details about Dr. Lecter's voiceover. For example, mention the tone or intensity of his voice to evoke a sense of foreboding.
- Examine the flow of the scene and consider if any lines can be shortened or omitted to improve clarity and pacing.
- Lastly, ensure that the audience can follow the thought process and discoveries made by the characters. Make sure the connections and revelations are clear and understandable.

Scene 35 - Suspension and Departure

Overall: 9.0
Concept: 8
Plot: 9
Characters: 9
Dialogue: 8

INT. FBI BUILDING - OFFICE OF THE DIRECTOR - DAY

Clarice and Crawford are seated in front of Director
Burke, who's at his desk. Another chair is empty, because
Krendler is pacing. All four are nearing their boiling
points.

CLARICE
Maybe he lives in this, this
Belvedere, Ohio, too! Maybe he saw her
every day, and killed her sort of
spontaneously. Maybe he just meant
to... give her a 7-Up and talk about
the choir. But then -
112.

KRENDLER
Starling -

CLARICE
But then he had to cover up, make her
seem just like all the rest of them.
That's what Lecter was hinting!

KRENDLER
The market in Lecter hints is way
down, today, okay? I've got two good
men dead in Memphis, and three
civilians. I've got -

CRAWFORD
Who the hell's fault is -

KRENDLER
- a U.S. Senator who's half out of her
head because her daughter's going to
be murdered today! And all because of
your mind games with fucking Lecter!

CRAWFORD
If you hadn't interfered, he'd still
be in custody in Baltimore!

BURKE
Jack -

KRENDLER
You sent in a green recruit, with a
phony goddamn offer -

CRAWFORD
You're just trying to cover your ass
for letting him escape!

BURKE
THAT'S ENOUGH! All of you...

A long silence, as they all struggle to regain composure.
Crawford, who was at the point of striking Krendler,
finally retakes his seat. Burke looks sadly at Crawford
and Clarice.

BURKE
(continuing; very
reluctantly)
Starling, I'm afraid I have no choice.
You're suspended from the Academy.
(more)
113.

BURKE (cont'd)
(Crawford starts to
interrupt)
Not another word!
(to Clarice)
This is pending a reevaluation of your
fitness for the service. I promise
you'll get a fair hearing.
(pause)
Jack... you're ordered to take
compassionate leave. You'll spend the
rest of the day briefing the AG's
office, then transfer command of the
task force, effective by 1800 hours.
(beat)
I'm sorry, Jack... Go home. Take care
of Bella.

Clarice and Crawford stare back at him, drained. A long
and very painful silence. Not even Krendler looks happy.

CUT TO:

EXT. SIDEWALK OUTSIDE FBI BUILDING - DAY

Clarice and Crawford walk out slowly, stand there a
moment, not knowing what to say, not wanting to face each
other.

CLARICE
All his victims are women... His ob-
session is women, he lives to hunt
women. But not one women is hunting
him - except me. I can walk in a
woman's room and know three times as
much about her as a man would.
(beat)
I have to go to Belvedere.

CRAWFORD
You heard them. I don't have that
authority anymore.

CLARICE
You do until six p.m.

He stares at her sadly. He looks, for the first time,
defeated, old beyond his years.

CRAWFORD
Ohio is cold ground. Picked over, ten
months ago. Our people worked it, so
did the locals.
114.

CLARICE
But not from this angle. Not thinking
he knew her. You've got to send me!

CRAWFORD
I'm Bureau for 28 years, Starling. I
won't disobey orders, not even now.

CLARICE
But I just became a private citizen.
I can go anywhere I want to.

CRAWFORD
With ID and a gun...? Impersonating a
federal agent is a felony.

CLARICE
He's going to kill her, Mr. Crawford.
This morning, or maybe at noon, but
today, and Belvedere's our last
chance. I'm flying there, right now,
unless you stop me. You want my ID?
Here - take it...

He stares at her, a long moment. Catherine's life.
Clarice's passion, and future. His loyalty to the Bureau.
Call it.

CRAWFORD
(pulls out his wallet)
There's about $300 here... And a
hotline code number. They'll patch you
through to me, wherever I am.

She raises her hand to him. She wants to touch him face,
or his neck, but can't. Finally she takes his money and
card.

CLARICE
Thank you.

He watches, frightened for both of them, as she backs
away, smiles, then turns, racing towards the surveillance
van.

SOUND UPCUT - the scratchy recording of Fats Waller
SINGING, as we...

CUT TO:
115.

Genres: ["Crime","Drama","Thriller"]

Summary Clarice is suspended from the Academy and Crawford is ordered to take compassionate leave. Clarice is determined to go to Belvedere to save the next victim and Crawford reluctantly gives her his support.

Strengths "Intense dialogue and confrontation between characters, emotional impact, high stakes"

Weaknesses "Limited setting and lack of scenic description"

Critique Overall, this scene is tense and dramatic, effectively capturing the high stakes and emotions of the characters involved. The dialogue is strong and highlights the conflict and personal tensions between the characters. However, there are a few areas for improvement:

1. Lack of visual description: The scene lacks visual description, which is important in a screenplay. It would be helpful to include more details about the characters' gestures, expressions, and body language to enhance the emotional impact of the scene.

2. Pacing and clarity: The arguments and interruptions between the characters can feel slightly chaotic and rushed. It would be beneficial to slow down the pace of the dialogue and give each character more defined moments to speak without interruption, allowing the audience to fully understand their perspective.

3. Transition: The transition from the FBI building to the sidewalk feels abrupt. It would be beneficial to add a smoother transition or a short description to better connect the two locations and maintain the flow of the scene.

4. Character motivations: Although the characters' emotions and frustrations are evident, their motivations for their actions could be explored further. Providing more insight into their personal stakes and reasons for their behavior would add depth and further engage the audience.

By addressing these areas, the scene could be even more compelling and effectively convey the tension and conflict between the characters.

Suggestions Here are some suggestions to improve the scene:

1. Clarify the character's objectives: It's important to clearly establish what each character wants in the scene. In this scene, it seems that Clarice wants permission to go to Belvedere to catch the killer, while Crawford is torn between his loyalty to the Bureau and his concern for Clarice's safety. Adding clear dialogue or actions that highlight their objectives will help engage the audience and create tension.

2. Add more visual elements: Screenplays are a visual medium, so it's important to incorporate more visual elements to enhance the scene. Consider adding descriptions of the characters' body language, facial expressions, or the details of their surroundings. This will help bring the scene to life and create a more vivid and engaging experience for the reader.

3. Strengthen the conflict: The conflict between the characters is an essential part of the scene, so it could be beneficial to heighten the tension and create a sense of urgency. This could be achieved through sharper dialogue exchanges, emotional outbursts, or physical actions that demonstrate the characters' frustration or anger. Increasing the stakes and intensifying the conflict will make the scene more engaging and compelling.

4. Show, don't tell: Instead of having the characters explicitly state their thoughts and feelings, try to show them through their actions and behavior. For example, instead of having Clarice say "All his victims are women... His obsession is women, he lives to hunt women," consider showing her investigating a case involving a female victim or finding a personal connection to the killer. This will make the scene more dynamic and interesting for the audience.

5. Create a stronger ending: The ending of the scene feels a bit abrupt and could benefit from a stronger resolution. Consider having the characters make a clear decision or take a significant action that sets up the next scene or advances the plot. This will leave the audience with a stronger impression and make them eager to see what happens next.

By incorporating these suggestions, you can improve the clarity, conflict, and visual impact of the scene, making it more engaging and effective in conveying the story.

Scene 36 - Confrontation and Revelation

Overall: 9.0
Concept: 8
Plot: 9
Characters: 9
Dialogue: 8

INT. MR. GUMB'S CELLAR - DAY (DIM LIGHT)

CLOSE ON the needle of the Victrola, on the spinning
record, as Mr. Gumb's fingers lift away. MUSIC continues
in background.

MR. GUMB (O.S.)
(calling out)
Preeeeecious...!

CLOSE ON the moth cage, as Mr. Gumb's fingers search
through the humus, and find a plump new cocoon, lifting it
out. The door of the cage is left open, and one or two of
the adult moths flutter out.

MR. GUMB (O.S.)
(continuing)
Precious, come on Precious! Busybusy
day today...

CLOSE ON a clean towel, beside the sink. The cocoon is
gently placed in readiness alongside four shiny skinning
knives.

MR. GUMB (O.S.)
(continuing)
Momma's gonna be sooo beautiful!

CLOSE ON a stainless steel Colt Python, with a six-inch
barrel, as the cylinder is spun, and the hammer gets a
practice cock. The metallic CLICK is deep and loud. A note
of alarm has entered Mr. Gumb's voice.

MR. GUMB (O.S.)
(continuing)
You come here this minute, you little
scamp!

LOW ANGLE on Mr. Gumb, wearing the kimono, as he walks
through his sewing workroom. His back is to us; he is
looking anxiously under the furniture. He stops,
straightens. Genuinely scared.

MR. GUMB
Precious...?

LOW ANGLE - OVER THE PIT OPENING

Towards Mr. Gumb, as he stops at one of the doorways of
the oubliette chamber. He stares inside; his face in
shadows.
116.

MR. GUMB
Sweetheart...?

From the distant bottom of the pit, we hear Catherine's
voice.

CATHERINE (O.S.)
She'd down here you sack of shit.

Mr. Gumb's fist flies to his mouth, and he sags against
the doorframe. A little groan escaped him; the dog answers
with a series of YIPS.

UPWARD ANGLE, FROM THE PIT BOTTOM

as Mr. Gumb's dark shape leans cautiously over the edge.

MR. GUMB
Precious, are you all right?

REVERSE ANGLE ON CATHERINE

crouched to one side, clutching the dog to her chest.
Seeing Mr. Gumb, the dog squirms frantically, BARKING.

CATHERINE
Get me a telephone. Lower it down to
me. Do it now, mister! I don't want to
have to hurt this little dog.

UPWARD ANGLE

on Mr. Gumb, as, with a cry of fury, he whips the Colt
from inside his kimono. The muzzle gleams as he takes aim.

Catherine yanks the dog up, into his line of fire,
screaming at him,.

CATHERINE
You shoot motherfucker you better kill
me quick or I'll break her fucking
neck, I swear to God!

MR. GUMB (O.S.)
(wails)
Nooooooo!

Tucking the dog under one arm, she grabs its muzzle,
twisting the head. The dog WHINES piteously.

CATHERINE
Back off, you son of a bitch! Back off!
117.

UPWARD ANGLE

as Mr. Gumb cries out again - a terrible, inarticulate
scream of rage and anguish. But then he slowly lowers his
gun.

REVERSE ANGLE

On Catherine, as she maintains her grip.

CATHERINE
That's better... Now get me a live
telephone. Get a long extension and
lower is down here... And you better
do it fast, too, 'cause I think her
leg's broken. She's in pain, mister,
she need a vest.

MR. GUMB

stares down at her, a long beat, breathing heavily.

MR. GUMB
You think she's in pain? You don't
know what pain is. But you're going to
find out...

And abruptly he vanishes. SOUND of his footsteps, rushing
off.

CATHERINE

begins shaking, hands and arms twitching uncontrollably.
She hugs the little dog tight to her chest, buries her
face in its fur, sobbing...

DISSOLVE TO:

EXT. RESIDENTIAL STREET - BELVEDERE, OHIO - DAY

HIGH ANGLE as a rented sedan pulls up to the curb, stops.
After a moment Clarice climbs out, a bit stiffly. Double-
checking this address, she glances up from a folded street
map to -

AN OLD, THREE-STORY WOODEN HOUSE

in a row of similarly shabby homes, all backing onto a
narrow river. A path of boards, laid over mud, leads back
along this house towards the brown water. SOUND of
hammering from there.

CUT TO:
118.

EXT. BIMMEL HOUSE - BACK YARD - DAY

An awesome huddle of pigeon coops sprawls by the brackish
water. The birds' COOING mixes with the HAMMERING. A tall,
gaunt man in a knit cap is obsessively pounding nails into
a new coop.

CLARICE

approaches him, and the man lowers his hammer. He has red-
rimmed eyes of watery blue. His face is deeply seamed.

CLARICE
Mr. Bimmel...?

He stares back at her, warily.

CUT TO:

Genres: ["Thriller","Drama"]

Summary Dr. Lecter escapes from his cell, leading to a brutal confrontation. Clarice reflects on a traumatic childhood experience. Clarice and Ardelia analyze the Buffalo Bill case file and make a crucial discovery. Clarice is suspended from the Academy and Crawford is ordered to take compassionate leave. Clarice is determined to go to Belvedere to save the next victim and Crawford reluctantly gives her his support. Sgt. Tate and his team witness the aftermath of Dr. Lecter's escape. The scene ends with a suspenseful moment and a difficult decision for Clarice.

Strengths "Tense atmosphere, suspenseful ending, strong character development"

Weaknesses "Some dialogue could be improved"

Critique Overall, the scene is well written and effectively conveys tension and suspense. The use of visual details and specific actions helps create a clear mental image of the setting and characters. The dialogue is also strong, with each character's voice distinct and their emotions evident.

One suggestion for improvement would be to provide more description and detail surrounding Mr. Gumb's character. While his actions and dialogue hint at his disturbed nature, more explicit descriptions could enhance the audience's understanding of his psychological state.

Additionally, the pacing of the scene could be tightened in certain areas to maintain the intensity and build suspense. For example, some of the descriptions and actions could be condensed to maintain a more rapid pace, particularly towards the end of the scene when tension is at its highest.

Overall, this scene effectively conveys the sense of danger and struggle between the characters, and with some minor adjustments, it could become even more impactful.

Suggestions Here are a few suggestions to improve the scene:

1. Provide clearer visual descriptions: Be more specific in describing the visuals of the scene, such as the lighting in Mr. Gumb's cellar and the surroundings of the Bimmel house. This will help set the mood and give the reader a better understanding of the environment.

2. Streamline the dialogue: Some of the dialogue can be tightened up to make it more impactful and concise. For example, instead of "You come here this minute, you little scamp!", it could be shortened to "Come here, Precious!". This will make the dialogue more natural and focused.

3. Add more sensory details: Include sensory details to enhance the reader's experience and immerse them in the scene. For example, you could describe the smell of the humus in the moth cage or the sound of the dog whining in pain.

4. Explore character emotions: Provide more insight into the characters' emotions and reactions. Show Mr. Gumb's fear and desperation when searching for Precious and Catherine's determination when threatening him. This will make the scene more engaging and heighten the tension.

5. Consider the pacing: Some moments in the scene, such as Mr. Gumb's reaction to seeing Catherine and the dog, can be prolonged for dramatic effect. Allow the reader to feel the tension and suspense build up before the resolution.

6. Utilize camera angles and shots: Think about how the scene can be visually presented on screen. Consider using camera angles and shots to enhance the storytelling. For example, close-ups could be used to emphasize the characters' emotions, or aerial shots could be used to show the scale of the pigeon coops in the Bimmel house.

By implementing these suggestions, you can enhance the overall impact and visual experience of the scene.

Scene 37 - Clarice Discovers the Killer's Secret

Overall: 9.0
Concept: 8
Plot: 9
Characters: 7
Dialogue: 6

INT. BIMMEL HOUSE - STAIRCASE - DAY

HIGH ANGLE - LOOKING DOWN as Mr. Bimmel leads Clarice up
a steep flight of steps. The bannister is worn, sags a bit.

MR. BIMMEL
I don't know nothin' new to tell ya.
The police been back here so many
times already... Fredrica went into
Columbus on the bus to see about a
job. She left the interview OK. She
never come home.

Clarice pauses, at the landing, to look at a framed photo:
the familiar graduation portrait. Others pictures show
Fredrica as a young girl, toddler, infant - plump and
hopeful at each age.

MR. BIMMEL
(continuing)
Her room's how she left it. Just shut
the door when you're done.

CUT TO:

INT. FREDRICA'S BEDROOM - DAY

CLARICE'S POV - MOVING SLOWLY as she takes in flowery
chintz curtains... posters of Madonna and Blondie... a
twin bed, with worn, stuffed animals on the pillow... . a
big sewing machine in the corner.
119.

CLARICE

turns, absorbing nuances. There is loneliness here, an
echo of desperation under this steeply pitches ceiling. A
shrill MEOW, and she looks down...

A BIG TORTOISESHELL CAT

is rubbing against her ankles.

CLARICE

picks up the cat, scratches behind his ears. She glances
up.

IN A FULL-LENGTH MIRROR

she and the cat stares back at their own reflection...

CUT TO:

CLARICE

sitting at the desk, turns the pages of a high school
yearbook. The cat is curled on her lap...

CUT TO:

CLARICE

kneeling by the old Decca record player, flips through LPs
and singles. The cat has wandered off...

CUT TO:

CLARICE

pulling a string to light up the closet. She is surprised
and intrigued to see an extensive wardrobe, groaning from
the rod. A shelf above the rod is stacked high with sewing
supplies, in clear plexiboxes. She flips through the
hanging clothes, pulls out one dress, on its hanger, for
a closer look.

THE DRESS

is very big, to fit Fredrica, but beautifully cut. Some of
the seams still look unfinished. She turns it around, sees
a blue tissue dressmaker's pattern still pinned to the
back.
120.

FAVORING THE SEWING MACHINE

as Clarice turns, looks towards it. She hangs the dress on
the closet door knob, crosses to sit at the machine. She
takes off its dust cover. She runs one hand over the cool
metal, as a taunting memory forms in her mind.

DR. LECTER (V.O.)
Billy wants to change, too, Clarice.
But there's the problem of his size,
you see...

She turns, looks again at the unfinished dress. Suddenly
she straightens, her attention riveted by something...

CLARICE'S POV

On the printed pattern, down at the lower back of the
outlined dress, are two bold black triangles. We RUSH
CLOSER to there shapes, before jumping back to -

CLARICE

who stares at them, starting to tremble.

DR. LECTER (V.O.)
Even if he were a woman, he'd have to
be a big one...

IN FLASHBACK

those missing triangles of skin on the dead girl's back,
in the funeral home in West Virginia...

CLOSE ON CLARICE

as she jumps to her feet, with a fierce joy.

CLARICE
Sewing darts. You bastard.

CUT TO:

INT. BIMMEL PARLOR - DOWNSTAIRS - DAY

Clarice paces, in an exuberant rush, amidst the worn
furniture.

CLARICE
(into phone)
He's making himself a "woman suit,"
Mr. Crawford - out of real women!
(more)
121.

CLARICE (cont'd)
And he can sew, this guy, he's really
skilled. A dressmaker, or a tailor -

CRAWFORD (V.O.)
Starling -

CLARICE
That's why they're all so big -
because he needs a lot of skin! He
keeps them alive to starve them
awhile - to loosen their skin, so
that -

CRAWFORD (V.O.)
Starling, we know who he is! And where
he is. We're on our way now.

CLARICE
(pause; surprised)
Where?

CUT TO:

Genres: ["Thriller","Crime"]

Summary Clarice analyzes the Buffalo Bill case file and makes a crucial discovery, linking the killer to one of the first victims personally. She realizes he is making a 'woman suit' out of real women's skin. She informs Mr. Crawford about her discovery and they are on their way to apprehend the killer.

Strengths "Suspenseful tone, crucial plot development, high stakes"

Weaknesses "Limited dialogue, average character development"

Critique Overall, the scene is well-written and effectively conveys the information and emotions necessary for the story. Here are a few points to consider for critique:

1. Visual description: The scene starts with a high angle shot looking down the staircase, which gives a sense of the physical space and the worn bannister. However, it could benefit from more descriptive details to create a stronger visual image.

2. Dialogue: The dialogue between Mr. Bimmel and Clarice provides important information about Fredrica's disappearance, but it could be more concise and impactful. Consider tightening the dialogue to make it more engaging and memorable.

3. Pacing: The scene transitions smoothly from the staircase to Fredrica's bedroom, and then to Clarice exploring the room. The pacing feels appropriate, allowing for moments of introspection and discovery.

4. Characterization: The scene effectively conveys Clarice's curiosity and determination as she explores Fredrica's room. The introduction of the cat adds a touch of warmth and connection to the space. However, there could be more exploration of Mr. Bimmel's emotions and reactions to Fredrica's disappearance to deepen his character.

5. Foreshadowing: The scene makes use of Dr. Lecter's voiceover to create suspense and foreshadow Clarice's realization about the dress and the connection to the serial killer. This technique is effective in building tension and anticipation for what is to come.

Overall, this scene effectively progresses the plot and develops Clarice's character while building suspense for the upcoming reveal. With some tweaks to description and dialogue, it has the potential to be even stronger.

Suggestions Here are some suggestions to improve the scene:

1. Clarify the location: Instead of just stating "INT. BIMMEL HOUSE - STAIRCASE - DAY," provide a brief description of the staircase, such as "INT. BIMMEL HOUSE - OLD, CREAKY STAIRCASE - DAY." This will help set the atmosphere and give the reader a better sense of the location.

2. Develop Mr. Bimmel's character: Give Mr. Bimmel a unique voice and provide more context for his relationship with Clarice. Consider adding a line or two that shows their connection or reveals something about his personality.

3. Add more visual details: Use vivid and specific descriptions to bring the setting and characters to life. For example, instead of just saying "The bannister is worn," you could say "The chipped and splintered bannister creaks under Mr. Bimmel's hand." This will engage the reader's senses and make the scene more immersive.

4. Show Clarice's emotions: Clarice's reactions and emotions are crucial to the scene. Instead of just stating that she pauses or turns, show her thoughts and feelings through her actions and dialogue. This will allow the reader to connect with her on a deeper level.

5. Enhance the reveal of the dress: Build suspense and anticipation when Clarice finds the dress and the pattern. Add more description to evoke a sense of mystery and intrigue. For example, you could emphasize the color, texture, or unique features of the dress that catch Clarice's attention.

6. Tighten the dialogue: Make the dialogue more concise and impactful. Remove any unnecessary words or repetitions. Consider breaking up Mr. Bimmel's dialogue into smaller sentences to make it easier to read.

7. Improve the transition between scenes: Instead of using "CUT TO," you can use more visual cues to smoothly transition between the different locations and actions. For example, you can use phrases like "Clarice glances up" or "Clarice moves to" to indicate the shift in focus.

Scene 38 - On the Hunt

Overall: 8.0
Concept: 9
Plot: 8
Characters: 7
Dialogue: 7

INT. FBI TURBOJET - FLYING - DAY

Crawford sits at a communications console, with Burroughs,
in headphones, by his side. This forward section of the
cabin is crammed with hi-tech equipment, all lit up and
WHIRRING. Through a window we see clouds, part of the
jet's wing.

CRAWFORD
(into speaker phone)
Calumet City, edge of Chicago. I'll be
on the ground in 45 minutes with the
Hostage Rescue Team. I'm back in
charge, Starling. He's mine.

INTERCUTTING

as Clarice reacts; her happiness for Crawford is tinged
with disappointment at being so suddenly out of the hunt.

CLARICE
(on phone)
Sir, that's great news. But how -

CRAWFORD
Johns Hopkins finally came up with a
name for us. We fed him into Known
Offenders, and he came up cherries.
(more)
122.

CRAWFORD (cont'd)
(takes a paper from
Burroughs)
Subject's name is "Jamie Gumb," AKA
"John Grant." Lecter's description was
accurate, he just lied about the name.

INSIDE THE JET - MOVING ANGLE

from the rear of the cabin forward, as we slowly PASS the
twelve-man HRT. They're seated in full gear, hardshell
armor, quietly checking and rechecking their bulging cases
of weapons - silencer automatics, shotguns, stun
grenades...

CRAWFORD (O.S.)
This Gumb's a real beauty. Slaughtered
both his grandparents when he was
twelve, and did nine years in juvenile
psychiatric. Where, Starling, he took
vocational rehab, and learned a useful
trade...

INTERCUTTING

CLARICE
Sewing...

CRAWFORD
Take a bow. Customs had some paper on
his alias. They stopped a carton two
years ago at LAX - live caterpillars
from Surinam. The addressee was "John
Grant." Calumet Power & Light's given
us two possible residences under that
alias. We're hitting one, Chicago
SWAT's taking the other.

CLARICE
(eagerly)
Chicago's only about 400 miles from
here. I could be there in -

CRAWFORD
No, Starling, there isn't time. And
you've still got crucial work to do in
Ohio. We want him for murder, not
kidnapping. I'm counting on you to
link him to the Bimmel girl, before
he's indicted.

Clarice tries hard to swallow her disappointment.
123.

CLARICE
Yes sir... I'll do my best.

CRAWFORD
(pause; gently)
Starling - you've earned back your
place in the Academy. We never
would've found him without you, and
nobody's ever going to forget that.
Least of all me.

CLARICE
Yes sir. Thank you, sir...

CRAWFORD

switches off, feeling bad for her. On the console near
him, the fax machine starts to CHATTER. He turns, looks.

BURROUGHS (O.S.)
Here he comes, Jack.

CLOSE ON

an emerging sheet, as Gumb's face is printed out. We see
just his hair, then the top of his forehead, before we...

CUT TO:

EXT. BIMMEL BACK YARD - DAY

Clarice walks slowly across the yard, absorbing all this
news, before suddenly leaping into the air and pumping her
fist in triumph, with a happy yelp. Then she sees -

MR. BIMMEL

staring at her in surprise. He sits by his coops, smoking.

CLARICE

somewhat embarrassed, crosses over to him.

CLARICE
Mr. Bimmel... did Fredrica ever
mention a man named Jamie Gumb, from
Calumet City? Or John Grant?
(he shakes his head)
Did she know any men that sew?
124.

MR. BIMMEL
She sewed for everybody. Stores,
ladies, whatever. I don't know about
men.

CLARICE
Who was her best friend, Mr. Bimmel?
Who'd she hang out with?

CUT TO:

EXT. AN ISOLATED RUNWAY - O'HARE AIRPORT - DAY

The FBI turbojet is parked, its gangway down. Crawford,
Burroughs, and the HRT squad, carrying their bags of
weapons, CLATTER rapidly down the metal steps...

STACY (V.O.)
Freaked me out. Get your skin peeled
off, is that a bummer...?

CUT TO:

Genres: ["Crime","Thriller"]

Summary Clarice analyzes the Buffalo Bill case file and discovers a crucial piece of information that links the killer to one of the first victims personally. She informs Mr. Crawford and they prepare to apprehend the killer.

Strengths "Strong suspense and tension building, emotionally impactful moments, strong plot development"

Weaknesses "Limited character development, dialogue could be more engaging"

Critique The scene is well-written and effectively conveys the information needed to advance the plot. The setting is clear, and the use of intercutting between characters adds tension and keeps the scene engaging.

One suggestion for improvement would be to provide more visual details to enhance the reader's visualization of the scene. For example, instead of simply stating that the forward section of the cabin is crammed with hi-tech equipment, it would be more impactful to describe specific pieces of equipment or highlight the atmosphere of the space. This would give the reader a better sense of the environment and add to the overall imagery of the scene.

Additionally, while the dialogue effectively conveys necessary information, it could benefit from more natural and distinct voices for each character. Consider giving each character a unique speech pattern or specific word choices that reflect their personality, which would make the dialogue more dynamic and memorable.

Overall, the scene effectively sets up the next plot development and maintains the tension of the story. With some minor adjustments to visual description and dialogue, it could be even stronger.

Suggestions 1. Add more specific and descriptive action lines to enhance the visual experience for the readers and viewers. For example, instead of "This forward section of the cabin is crammed with hi-tech equipment," you can describe the equipment in more detail or use specific technical terms.

2. Consider changing the location to make it more dynamic and visually interesting. For instance, instead of just showing clouds and the jet's wing, you can show the jet flying over a city skyline or a dramatic landscape to create a more engaging visual backdrop.

3. Develop the characters' emotions and reactions further. Show more of Clarice's disappointment and her struggle to hide it, as well as her determination to continue her work in Ohio.

4. Find opportunities for character interactions and dynamics. For example, you can add a brief conversation or exchange between Crawford and Burroughs to show their relationship or add tension between them.

5. Consider adding some suspense or foreshadowing to heighten the tension. For example, you can hint at something ominous happening or a potential danger that the characters will face later in the scene or the story.

6. Focus on the visuals and create more vivid imagery. For instance, instead of just mentioning the twelve-man HRT, describe their appearance and actions in more detail, such as how they buckle up their gear or the sound of their equipment clattering down the metal steps.

7. Add a bit of humor or levity to break up the tension and create a more balanced tone. This can be done through dialogue or character actions.

8. Consider the pacing of the scene and find opportunities to tighten it or add more rhythm to keep the readers and viewers engaged. This can be done through shorter and snappier dialogue exchanges or quickening the pace of the action.

Scene 39 - The Confrontation

Overall: 10.0
Concept: 8
Plot: 9
Characters: 8
Dialogue: 7

INT. SAVING & LOAN - BELVEDERE - DAY

STACY HUBKA - short, perky, early 20's - sits nervously at
her desk, talking to Clarice, who jots in her notebook. In
the background. beyond them, bank tellers, lines of
waiting customers, MUZAK.

STACY
They said she was just rags, like
somebody -

CLARICE
Stacy, did Fredrica ever mention a man
named Jamie Gumb? Or John Grant?
(Stacy shakes her
head)
Do you think she could've had a friend
you didn't know about?

STACY
No way. She had a guy, I'da known,
believe me. Sewing was her life, she
was really great at it. Poor Freddie.

CLARICE
Did you ever work with her?
125.

STACY
Oh sure, me'n Pam Malavesi used to
help her do alterations for old Mrs.
Lippman. Lots of people worked for
her, she had the business from all
these retail stores? But she was like,
totally old, it was more'n she could
handle.

CLARICE
Where does Mrs. Lippman live? I'd like
to talk to her.

STACY
She died. She went to Florida to
retire, like two years ago? She dies
own there.

Clarice reacts, disappointed at the ending of this trail.

STACY
(continuing; beat;
shyly)
Is that a pretty good job, FBI agent?

CLARICE
I think so.

STACY
You get to travel around and stuff? I
mean, better places then this?

CLARICE
Sometimes you do.

STACY
Freddie was so happy for me when I got
this job. This - toaster giveaways,
and Barry Manilow on the speakers all
day - she thought this was really hot
shit. What did she know, big dummy...

Suddenly she's fighting tears. Clarice reaches to hug her.

CUT TO:

EXT. RESIDENTIAL STREET - CALUMET CITY, ILLINOIS - DAY

WIDE ANGLE on what appears to be, at first, a calm,
ordinary neighborhood of working class two- and three-
story houses. But the street is strangely quiet, deserted.
126.

After a few moments, we become aware of movement - armed,
dark-clad figures creeping swiftly and in silence from
shrubs to garage corners, from parked cars to porches,
appearing and then disappearing...

CUT TO:

INT. MR. GUMB'S CELLAR - DAY (DIM LIGHT)

CLOSE ON Mr. Gumb, as he settles a big pair of infra-red
night-vision goggles over his eyes. Moths flutter past his
face. His mouth is set in a grim line...

CUT TO:

EXT. STREET IN CALUMET CITY - FRONT YARD - DAY

An HRT cop, prone beneath a hedge, is joined by a 2nd HRT
Cop, who throws himself to the grass beside him. They both
take aim with their scoped rifles at -

TELEPHOTO ANGLE (WITH RIFLE CROSSHAIRS)

The front door of a big, nearby, split-level house...

CUT TO:

INT. MR. GUMB'S CELLAR - DAY (DIM LIGHT)

CLOSE ON a fuse box, as Mr. Gumb reaches in, flips a
switch. The lights go out. SOUND of a second switch, and
the cellar is bathed in a green glow...

CUT TO:

EXT. STREET IN CALUMET CITY - NEIGHBOR'S HOUSE - DAY

A little boy, riding his tricycle in his driveway, is
suddenly startled to find himself staring into the grim
face of -

A MEMBER OF THE HRT

crouched by his garage, armed to the teeth. As the little
boy starts to cry, the cop pulls him into the shadows,
covering his mouth.

CUT TO:
127.

INT. MR. GUMB'S CELLAR - DAY (GREEN LIGHT)

Mr. Gumb, in his kimono and goggles, creeps silently
through his workrooms - knees bent, painted toes places
ever so delicately, the Colt held aloft - as more moths
flutter past him in the eerie light...

CUT TO:

EXT. STREET IN CALUMENT CITY - DAY

A florist's van turns the corner, comes slowly down the
street and stops at the curb in front of the split-level.
The driver, in a gray deliveryman's uniform and cap,
climbs out of the cab, walks briskly to the panel door, on
the street side of the van, and slides it open. He leans
in, comes out with a long, thin red-ribboned floral box,
starts calmly towards the house...

CUT TO:

INT. MR. GUMB'S CELLAR - DAY (GREEN LIGHT)

MR. GUMB'S POV - MOVING ANGLE on the top of the oubliette,
a glowing green circle in the dark, as it draws closer and
closer... and then Catherine comes INTO VIEW, at the
bottom of the pit. She is crouched, exhausted, staring
straight up at him - but she can't see him in this infra-
red darkness. Precious is curled into her stomach, asleep.
The futon is up to Catherine's waist, but there's a clear
shot at her head and neck.

MR. GUMB

Looking down at her, smiles...

CUT TO:

EXT. STREET IN CALUMET CITY - SUSPECT'S HOUSE - DAY

MOVING ANGLE on the "deliveryman," seen from behind, as he
mounts three steps to the split-level's front porch.
Tucked into the small of his back if a 9 mm. automatic.

CRAWFORD AND BURROUGHS

have slipped out of the van, and are crouched behind it
now, with drawn guns, watching tensely as -
128.

THE "DELIVERYMAN"

settles the floral box in the crook of his left arm,
reaches out with his right hand towards the buzzer...

CUT TO:

Genres: ["Thriller","Crime"]

Summary Clarice and Stacy talk about the victim, Fredrica, and Clarice gathers information about Fredrica's connections. Clarice reacts disappointedly when she learns Mrs. Lippman, a potential lead, has died. Meanwhile, armed figures are seen moving silently through a neighborhood in Calumet City. Mr. Gumb prepares in his cellar, wearing night-vision goggles. The HRT cops take aim at a split-level house. Mr. Gumb cuts the power in his cellar, bathing it in a green glow. The scene ends with Mr. Gumb creeping through his workrooms, armed, while a florist's van arrives at the suspect's house, with the deliveryman approaching the front door carrying a floral box.

Strengths

Suspenseful tone
Tension-building atmosphere

Weaknesses

Limited emotional impact
Dialogue could be stronger

Critique

Suggestions Overall, the scene could benefit from some tightening and clarity. Here are some suggestions:

1. Character introduction: Instead of describing Stacy as "perky," consider using more specific descriptors that reveal her personality or appearance. This will help the audience visualize her better.

2. Dialogue: Clarice's question about Jamie Gumb and John Grant feels a bit random and forced. It might be helpful to provide some context or explanation as to why she is asking about these specific individuals.

3. Pacing: Consider condensing some of the dialogue to maintain a faster pace. For example, in Stacy's response to Clarice's question about working with Freddie, you could remove the line about helping old Mrs. Lippman.

4. Emotional impact: To enhance the emotional impact of Stacy's revelation about Freddie's death, you could show some reaction from Clarice beyond just disappointment. This could give the scene more depth and create a stronger connection between the characters.

5. Transition: Instead of using a simple cut to transition to the next scene, consider using a more creative transition technique to create a smoother flow between the two scenes. This could involve finding a visual or thematic link between the two settings.

6. Description: Provide more specific details about the setting in Calumet City to create a stronger visual image for the audience. This will help establish the tension and atmosphere of the scene.

7. Action and suspense: To increase the suspense in the scene set in Calumet City, consider adding more visual cues or hints about the impending danger. This could be done through the use of sound, shadows, or quick cuts.

8. Clarity: Make sure the action in both settings is clear and easy for the audience to understand. Double-check that the characters' actions and movements are clearly described.

By implementing these suggestions, you can improve the pacing, emotional impact, and visual clarity of this scene, creating a more engaging and compelling narrative.

Scene 40 - Confrontation at Mr. Gumb's House

Overall: 9.0
Concept: 8
Plot: 9
Characters: 7
Dialogue: 7

INT. MR. GUMB'S CELLAR - DAY (GREEN LIGHT)

Slowly, savoring the moment, Mr. Gumb aims the big Colt,
which is already cocked, using both hands... He is just
about to squeeze the trigger, when we hear his DOOR
BUZZER, surprisingly loud and close by. He turns,
startled, and sees -

A DUSTY BLACK METAL BOX

the extension buzzer, mounted high on the wall, which is
making the hideous, grating JANGLE. It finally stops, but
not before waking Precious, who starts frantically
BARKING, off screen., as -

MR. GUMB

raises his gun again, spinning back towards -

HIS POV - THE PIT BOTTOM

where Catherine, hearing but still not seeing him, quickly
yanks the futon over both herself and the dog. Instantly
the two of them become one squirming, indistinguishable
mass.

MR. GUMB

bites his lip, his aim wavering, as he can't decide where
to safely place his shot. The maddening BUZZER sounds
again, even more insistently, and he cries out with
frustration and fury. But as the BUZZER continues, he
reluctantly uncocks his gun, looking up angrily towards
his front door...

CUT TO:

INT. MR. GUMB'S FRONT DOOR - DAY

The door opens, on a chain, and Clarice peers in, smiling.

CLARICE
Good afternoon... I wonder if you
could help me. I'm looking for Mrs.
Lippman's family?
129.

Mr. Gumb frowns out at Clarice. For the first time ever,
we get a well-lit view of his bland, pale-eyed moon of a
face.

MR. GUMB
They don't live here anymore.

CUT TO:

EXT. FRONT DOOR OF SUSPECT'S HOUSE - CALUMET CITY

The "deliveryman" yanks a 12 lb. sledgehammer from the
floral box, swings it with all his might against the door
knob, blowing it through as -

MOVING ANGLE

Crawford and Burroughs race towards the door, guns up...

CUT TO:

EXT. MR. GUMB'S FRONT DOOR - DAY

Mr. Gumb starts to close the door, only to have Clarice
push back against it, politely but firmly. She holds up
her ID.

CLARICE
Excuse me, but I really do need to
talk to you. This was Mrs. Lippman's
house. Did you know her?

MR. GUMB
(beat)
Just briefly. What's the problem,
Officer?

CUT TO:

INT. SUSPECT'S HOUSE - CALUMENT CITY - DAY

A bedroom window disintegrates as a flash grenade is shot
through it, EXPLODING on the floor. An instant later, a
black-clad HRT cop dives through the shattered glass,
rolls across the floor, comes up on one knee swivelling
his sawed-off shotgun...

CUT TO:

EXT. MR. GUMB'S FRONT DOOR - DAY

Clarice and Mr. Gumb, still eyeing each other through the
door crack...
130.

CLARICE
I'm investigating the death of
Fredrica Bimmel. Who are you, please?

MR. GUMB
Jack Gordon.

CLARICE
Mr. Gordon, did you know Fredrica when
she worked for Mrs. Lippman?

MR. GUMB
No. Wait... Was she a great, far
person? I may have seen her, I'm not
sure...

CUT TO:

INT. SUSPECT'S HOUSE - CALUMET CITY - DAY

MOVING ANGLE as Burroughs moves quickly down a hallway and
enters the living room, where Crawford is standing, with
his gun held down by his side, surrounded by several other
cops. Burroughs shakes his head: Nothing here...

CUT TO:

INT. MR. GUMB'S FRONT HALLWAY - DAY

Mr. Gumb glances briefly over his shoulder, towards his
kitchen, then turns back to Clarice with a smile.

MR. GUMB
Mrs. Lippman had a son, maybe he could
help you. I have his card somewhere.
Do you mind stepping inside, while I
looks for it?

CLARICE
Thanks.

ANGLE FAVORING THE COLT PYTHON

which rests on a counter, just inside the open kitchen
doorway. THROUGH this doorway, we watch as Mr. Gumb, at
the end of his front hall, slips the chain. Clarice
enters, closing the door behind her.

CUT TO:
131.

EXT. FRONT YARD OF SUSPECT'S HOUSE - CALUMET CITY - DAY

MOVING ANGLE - towards the front door, as frustrated HRT
cops file out of the empty house, rifles slung across
their shoulders.

WE PICK OUT CRAWFORD

walking across the grass towards the van, when all at once
he stops in his tracks, shaken by a sudden flash of
intuition.

CAMERA RUSHES VERY CLOSE

on his stricken face...

CRAWFORD
Clarice.

CUT TO:

Genres: ["Thriller","Crime"]

Summary Clarice confronts Mr. Gumb at his house while the SWAT team prepares to raid the suspect's house.

Strengths

Suspenseful atmosphere
Tension between Clarice and Mr. Gumb
The impending raid of the suspect's house

Weaknesses

Limited character development
Some dialogue feels forced

Critique Overall, this scene effectively builds tension and suspense leading up to the encounter between Mr. Gumb and Clarice. The use of sound, such as the buzzing doorbell and the barking dog, adds to the sense of urgency and danger. The description of Mr. Gumb's internal struggle when deciding where to place his shot also shows his inner conflict and further heightens the tension.

One suggestion for improvement would be to provide more visual descriptions to enhance the atmosphere and setting. For example, by describing the lighting, props, or specific details of the cellar, readers can better visualize the scene. Additionally, incorporating more sensory details, such as smells or textures, can help create a more immersive experience for the audience.

Furthermore, it would be beneficial to provide clearer scene transitions to avoid confusion. By explicitly indicating when the scene changes or when the perspective shifts, the reader can easily follow the action.

Lastly, when critiquing a scene, it would be helpful to know the intended tone or purpose of the scene. Understanding the overarching story and the specific goals of the scene would allow for a more tailored critique.

Suggestions Overall, the scene is tense and well-written, but there are a few suggestions to make it even stronger:

1. Utilize more descriptive language: Instead of simply stating "The door opens, on a chain, and Clarice peers in, smiling," add more details to enhance the atmosphere. For example, "The door creaks open, revealing a sliver of dim light and Clarice's warm smile slicing through the darkness."

2. Heighten the suspense: After Mr. Gumb uncocks his gun, create a moment of anticipation by describing him taking slow, deliberate steps towards the front door as the buzzer continues to sound. This will increase tension and keep the audience on the edge of their seats.

3. Include a reaction shot: As Clarice pushes back against the door, add a brief reaction shot of Mr. Gumb's face, showing his growing anxiety or frustration. This will help to emphasize the conflict between the two characters and heighten the stakes of the scene.

4. Use visual cues to enhance clarity: When Clarice presents her ID, include a description of how Mr. Gumb examines it, his eyes darting between the ID and Clarice's face. This will make it clear to the audience that he's trying to assess the validity of her claim.

5. Expand on Crawford's intuition: Instead of simply stating that Crawford is shaken, provide more context to build suspense. For instance, describe how he grips the van's handle tightly, his knuckles turning white, or how his breathing quickens as he feels an ominous presence. This will not only convey his concern but also foreshadow the impending danger.

By implementing these suggestions, the scene can be enhanced to create even more suspense and engage the audience further.

Scene 41 - Showdown with Mr. Gumb

Overall: 9.0
Concept: 9
Plot: 10
Characters: 8
Dialogue: 7

INT. MR. GUMB'S PARLOR - DAY

Clarice, pulling her notebook from her shoulder bag,
glances around the musty-looking room.

MR. GUMB (O.S.)
That horrible business, I shiver every
time I think about it...

Overstuffed furniture, porcelain figurines. One archway
onto the front hall, another onto a dining alcove, and
through there, the kitchen. Mr. Gumb is crossing to a
rolling desk, raising the top. He bends over, begins
poking through cubby holes. His tone is casual, neutral.

MR. GUMB
Are they close to catching somebody,
so you think?

CLARICE
I think we may be, yes.

Mr. Gumb stiffens, almost imperceptibly. His back is to
her, as he continues opening drawers, rustling papers.

CLARICE
(continuing)
Mr. Gordon, did you take over this
place after Mrs. Lippman died?
132.

MR. GUMB
Yes. I bought the house from her, two
years ago.

CLARICE
Did she leave any records here? Tax or
business records? Maybe a list of
employees?

CLOSE ON MR. GUMB'S BACK

as he continues his rummaging.

MR. GUMB
No, nothing at all. Has the FBI
learned something? Because the police
here don't seem to have the first
clue...

Out of the folds of his kimono crawls a Death's-head Moth.
It creeps slowly to the center of his back, raising its
wings.

MR. GUMB
(continuing)
Do you have his description yet, or
some fingerprints...?

CLARICE

unaware, is still glancing around the room. For several
agonizing moments, we think she won't see the moth - but
then she turns, does see it, and her eyes freeze. A beat
of pure fear. A tremendous struggle to keep her voice calm.

CLARICE
No... no, we don't.

Very carefully, she drops her notebook back into her bag,
lowers the bag to the floor. With her fingertips she
brushes back the edge of her blazer, loosening its drape.

MR. GUMB

turns back towards her cheerfully, holding out a business
card.

MR. GUMB
Ahhh. Here's that number.

CLARICE

keeps her distance. They are about ten feet apart.
133.

CLARICE
Good, thank you. Mr. Gordon, do you
have a phone I can use?

MR. GUMB

is about to reply when the moth suddenly flies up from
behind him, flutters past his face. He turns, looking at
it. He looks back at Clarice, his mouth still open.

HER EYES

are unmoving, locked on his.

HIS EYES

stare back at her, widen. And they know each other.

MR. GUMB
(softly)
In the kitchen. I'll show you.

CLARICE

whips her gun out, gripping it in both shaking hands.

CLARICE
Freeze!

MR. GUMB

slowly tilts his head to one side, smiles at her.

CLARICE

tries to force more authority into her voice.

CLARICE
Okay... Okay, Mr. Gumb, you're under
arrest. Down on the floor, hands and
legs spread, move it.

MR. GUMB

turns, then all at once, in two quick steps, he is gone,
disappearing into his dining alcove, then kitchen.

CLARICE

hesitates, just a split second, to shoot him in the
back - and then it's too late.
134.

CLARICE
Shit!

CUT TO:

INT. MR. GUMB'S KITCHEN - DAY

Clarice hurries inside, moving low, swivelling her gun.

HER POV - MOVING

The kitchen is empty. To one side, a door still shuddering
on its hinges...

CLARICE

rushes to this - pauses - then elbows the door aside,
aiming her gun down -

AN EMPTY STAIRWELL

brightly lit, leading to the cellar. Two doors facing the
bottom, both open. No sign of Mr. Gumb.

CLARICE

hates this, hates this, which door, it's a trap, what to
do: she is very scared, but suddenly hears -

The distant SCREAM of Catherine Martin, somewhere down
there in that killing maze.

CLARICE

rushes through the doorway, and down the stairs.

BEHIND HER, ON THE KITCHEN COUNTER

there's an empty space; the Colt Python is gone.

CUT TO:

Genres: ["Thriller","Horror"]

Summary Clarice confronts Mr. Gumb at his house while the SWAT team prepares to raid. She realizes he is the killer and tries to arrest him, but he escapes into the basement where Catherine Martin is being held captive.

Strengths "Intense suspense, fast-paced action, compelling plot developments"

Weaknesses "Some dialogue feels slightly weak or cliche"

Critique Overall, this scene is well-written and effectively conveys tension and suspense. The dialogue between Clarice and Mr. Gumb is natural and helps to develop their characters and the plot. The descriptions of the setting and action are clear and vivid, allowing the reader to visualize the scene.

One aspect that could be improved upon is the pacing. There are moments where the scene lingers too long on mundane details, such as the description of the room and Mr. Gumb's rummaging. These moments could be trimmed down to maintain a faster pace and keep the audience engaged.

Additionally, there could be more sensory details incorporated into the scene to enhance the atmosphere. For example, describing the musty smell in the room or the sound of Mr. Gumb's footsteps as he moves around could help immerse the audience in the environment.

Overall, this scene effectively builds tension and suspense, and with some minor adjustments to pacing and sensory details, it could be even more engaging.

Suggestions Overall, this scene is suspenseful and well-written. However, there are a few suggestions to improve it:

1. Clarify the setting: At the beginning of the scene, add some visual description to set the atmosphere of Mr. Gumb's parlor. For example, if there are any specific details about the room, such as dim lighting, dusty furniture, or creepy decorations, include them to enhance the mood.

2. Build tension: Increase the suspense by utilizing shorter, snappier dialogue exchanges. This will help convey the high stakes of the scene and keep the audience on the edge of their seats.

3. Use visual cues: Instead of stating that Mr. Gumb stiffens subtly, show his reaction through body language or facial expressions. This will make the scene more visually engaging and add depth to the characters.

4. Amp up the fear element: When Clarice sees the Death's-head Moth, emphasize her fear by describing her physical reactions, such as her heart pounding or her body tensing up. This will help convey the danger of the situation and increase the intensity of the scene.

5. Clarify actions and geography: In the final moments of the scene, make it clear where Mr. Gumb disappears to when he moves into the dining alcove and kitchen. Clarify the layout of the kitchen and the stairwell to avoid confusion for the audience.

6. Enhance the urgency: Once Clarice realizes that she's lost sight of Mr. Gumb, emphasize her urgency by incorporating more detailed descriptions of her movements. Show her rushing through the kitchen and down the stairs to create a sense of adrenaline and heighten the tension.

7. Include sensory details: Consider adding sensory details to make the scene more immersive. For example, describe any sounds or smells that contribute to the atmosphere, such as the creaking hinges of the door or the musty scent of the cellar.

By implementing these suggestions, you can further enhance the suspense and intensity of this scene in your screenplay.

Scene 42 - Confrontation in the Cellar

Overall: 9.0
Concept: 8
Plot: 10
Characters: 9
Dialogue: 7

INT. MR. GUMB'S CELLAR - DAY

MOVING ANGLE - WITH CLARICE - hurrying down the steps.
More SCREAMS; they seem to be coming from the left door.
Clarice goes that way, entering a brick-walled passage -
pipes over-head, naked bulbs. The lighting, though dim, is
incandescent; Mr. Gumb has switched off his infra-red
system. Clarice comes to a T-shaped intersection, stops.
Another SCREAM, again to her left, and the BARKING of a
dog...
135.

CLARICE

follows her gun around the corner, looking right.

EMPTY PASSAGEWAY

but doors opening off it - he could be lurking behind any
of them. She looks left... sees an opening onto some kind
of chamber. The noises are LOUDER, coming from there.

CLARICE

moves cautiously towards this chamber...

CUT TO:

INT. OUBLIETTE CHAMBER - DAY (DIMLY LIT)

Clarice moves in, hugging the wall, gun swivelling...

HER POV - MOVING

the open top of the pit... beyond it, the other two
doorways, opening onto this room - Jesus, he could come
through either one of them, or come up behind her... She
moves to the pit, looks down, very briefly, sees Catherine
SCREAMING, hysterical, and a little white dog BARKING...

CLARICE

kneels, staring up from one door to another, she can't
cover them all, she's totally exposed - and what's a dog
doing there?

CLARICE
FBI, Catherine, you're safe.

CATHERINE
Safe, SHIT, he's got a gun! Getmeout.
GET ME OUT!

CLARICE
You're all right! Where is he?

CATHERINE
Get me out!

CLARICE
I'll get you out! Just be quiet so I
can hear. Shut that dog up.
(still swivelling)
Is there a ladder? Is there a rope?
136.

CATHERINE
I don't know! get me out!!

CLARICE
Catherine. Listen to me. I have to
find a rope. I have to leave this
room, just for a minute, but -

CATHERINE
NOOOOO! You fucking bitch don't you
LEAVE ME down here, DON'T YOU-

CLARICE
Shut UP!
(then, louder)
The other officers will be here any
minute! you're perfectly safe now!

Ignoring Catherine, whose shouts turn to sobs, she backs
away, turns, picks one of the other doorways, moves into
it quickly.

CUT TO:

INT. NEW PASSAGEWAY - DAY (DIMLY LIT)

CLARICE'S POV - MOVING down this passageway, towards a new
room... pausing at the doorway, straining to hear... no
sound except Catherine's CRYING, not in the background.,
and Clarice's own RAPID BREATHING. Then she crouches -
LOWER ANGLE - bursts forward, through the doorframe,
sidestepping...

CUT TO:

INT. WORKROOM - DAY (DIMLY LIT)

Clarice weaves back and forth, half-crouched, gun out,
back to the wall. Her face glistens with sweat, as she
takes in...

HER POV - MOVING NERVOUSLY

Mr. Gumb's sewing machine... his swivel chair... the old
Victrola... Big moths are crashing into the light bulbs,
overhead; they're everywhere. Suddenly, from just behind
her, a CLICK and a HUM, and -

CLARICE

spins, almost shoots, before seeing -
137.

A SMALL REFRIGERATOR

with its thermostat just switching ON.

CLARICE

gasps for breath, fighting for calm. She turns again,
slashing her free hand at the moths, moving quickly on...

CUT TO:

INT. SKINNING ROOM - DAY (DIMLY LIT)

Clarice moves past the mannequins, all of them naked
now... then quickly past the huge Chinese armoire, ready
to shoot into it. Its doors yawn open; it is empty except
for several padded hangers... She moves on, past the big
sink, with its DRIPPING faucet... the counter, with its
gleaming knives... the rows of chemical jars. At the end
of this room is

A CLOSED DOOR

Clarice starts to open it, then hesitates. Looking around,
she seizes a wooden chair, wedges it under the door know,
sealing off this section of the cellar. With her back thus
defended, she turns, softly retracing her steps.

CUT TO:

INT. WORKROOM - DAY (DIMLY LIT)

Passing again through the workroom, Clarice pauses, seeing
a half-curtained door, to one side, that she had
previously skirted. She crosses to the door, listens and
hears no sound inside, takes a deep breath and reaches for
the knob. She twists it, and, as it turns, shoves hard and
follows her gun inside, all in one quick move...

CUT TO:

INT. BATHROOM - DAY (BRIGHTLY LIT)

An old-fashioned bathroom: tiled floor, sink, toilet - and
a big, free-standing tub. An opaque shower curtain,
suspended from an oval ring, hides whatever might be
inside.

CLARICE

centers her gun on the curtain, at chest height, and yanks
it aside with her left hand. No one standing there.
Something lower down catches her eye.
138.

She leans in, stares more closely, not understanding, at
first, that she's seeing -

A FEMALE HAND AND WRIST

sticking up from the tub, which is filled with hard red-
purple plaster. The hand is dark and shrivelled, with pink
nail polish and a dainty wristwatch. As -

CLARICE

is reacting with horror to this sight, the lights go out,
to be replaced, a split-second later, by the eerie green
glow of Mr. Gumb's infra-red system. Clarice cries out,
turns blindly, reaching for the door, can't find it, free
hand clawing desperately into what is, for her, utter
darkness. SOUND of Catherine KEENING again, in the far
distance. Clarice stumbles, goes to her knees, rights
herself, finally clutches the door frame...

CUT TO:

Genres: ["Crime","Thriller","Horror"]

Summary Clarice confronts Mr. Gumb in his cellar while the SWAT team prepares to raid. She discovers Catherine Martin being held captive and tries to rescue her.

Strengths "Suspenseful atmosphere, intense confrontation, unexpected discoveries"

Weaknesses "Some dialogue could be stronger, lacks memorable lines"

Critique Overall, this scene effectively builds tension and suspense as Clarice searches for Catherine in Mr. Gumb's cellar. The use of descriptive language helps to create a vivid picture of the environment and heighten the sense of danger. However, there are a few areas that could be improved upon.

First, the formatting is a bit confusing. The use of multiple line breaks between action lines disrupts the flow of the scene and makes it harder to follow. It would be more effective to group related actions together and use shorter paragraphs for easier readability.

Second, some of the dialogue feels a bit unnatural and forced. For example, Catherine's outburst of profanity and anger towards Clarice doesn't come across as authentic. It would be more believable if Catherine's fear and desperation were conveyed through her words and actions rather than relying on excessive swearing.

Lastly, there could be more sensory details to immerse the reader/viewer in the scene. Adding descriptions of the sounds, smells, and physical sensations that Clarice experiences as she navigates through the cellar would help to fully engage the audience and enhance the suspenseful atmosphere.

Overall, this scene has the potential to be compelling but would benefit from some tweaks in formatting, dialogue, and sensory details.

Suggestions Here are some suggestions to improve the scene:

1. Clarify the goal: It would be helpful to establish Clarice's objective in this scene, whether it is to rescue Catherine, apprehend Mr. Gumb, or find a way out. This will give the audience a clearer understanding of what she is trying to achieve and create more tension.

2. Build suspense: Explore ways to build suspense throughout the scene. For example, instead of immediately revealing Catherine in the pit, create a sense of anticipation by having Clarice search for her, hearing her cries but not seeing her. This will keep the audience on edge and engaged in the scene.

3. Use more visual and sensory details: Bring the setting to life by describing it in more vivid detail. What does the brick-walled passage look like? What is the atmosphere like in the cellar? Describe the sounds, smells, and lighting to create a more immersive experience for the audience.

4. Show Clarice's emotions: Show Clarice's emotional state through her actions and reactions. Let the audience see her fear, determination, and desperation as she navigates through the cellar. This will help the audience connect with her character and root for her success.

5. Use dialogue effectively: The dialogue in this scene could be improved by adding subtext and increasing the tension. Instead of Catherine simply shouting for help, have her reveal something that adds to the stakes or creates a moral dilemma for Clarice. This will make the dialogue more meaningful and impactful.

6. Add variety in camera angles: Experiment with different camera angles to create visual interest. This can include close-ups on Clarice's face to show her emotions, or wide shots to establish the geography of the cellar. Varying the camera angles can enhance the suspense and keep the audience engaged.

7. Consider the pacing: Pay attention to the pacing of the scene. It should be fast-paced to maintain the suspense and keep the audience on edge. Consider tightening the dialogue and action to ensure the scene moves smoothly and efficiently.

Overall, focus on maintaining tension, character development, and engaging visuals to improve the scene.

Scene 43 - Confrontation and Rescue

Overall: 9.0
Concept: 9
Plot: 9
Characters: 8
Dialogue: 7

INT. MR. GUMB'S WORKROOM - DAY (GREEN LIGHT)

Clarice emerges from the bathroom in a half-crouch, arms
out, both hands on the gun, extended just below the level
of her unseeing eyes. She stops, listens. In her raw-
nerved darkness, every SOUND is unnaturally magnified -
the HUM of the refridgerator... the TRICKLE of water...
her own terrified BREATHING, and Catherine's faraway,
echoing SOBS... Moths smack against her face and arms. She
eases forward, then stops again, listens... She eases
forward again, following her gun, and creeps directly in
front of, and then past -

MR. GUMB

who has flattened himself against a wall, arms spread like
a high priest, Colt in one hand. He wears his goggles and
kimono, and under that - draping down over his naked arms,
like some hideous mantle - his terrifying, half-completed
suit of human skins. This is an exquisite moment for
him - a ritual of supreme exhaltation. He smiles at
Clarice as, completely unaware, she moves beyond him,
exposing her back. Very slowly and quietly he steps out
behind her, taking his gun in both hands, aiming...

CLOSE ON

the Colt Python as - in SLOW MOTION - his thumbs cock the
hammer, the SOUND registering as a LOUD METALLIC CLICK,
and -
139.

CLARICE

spins, still in SLOW MOTION, flame already leaping from
her gun muzzle, as we see -

THE TWO FIGURES

almost at point-black range, guns ROARING hugely, one
FLASH from Mr. Gumb, and onetwothreefour FLASHES from
Clarice, overlapping his, and then, as the ECHOES crash
deafeningly -

CLOSE ONCLARICE - LOW ANGLE -

with NORMAL SPEED RESTORED, as the side of her face hits
the floor, and she is gasping, stunned by the noise and
flames; there is blood on her check, and an ugly powder
burn, but she ignores them, twisting to yank her
speedloader from her jacket pocket, locking it blindly
onto her gun's cylinder, reloading, right in front of her
face, then rolling onto her stomach, aiming her gun upward
again, blinking her dazzled eyes, straining to locate him
in the darkness... Where is he, where...? Then, as the
ECHOES finally fade, she hears something else - a
tortured, sucking, WHISTLE from perhaps eight feet away...

MOVING ANGLE - WITH CLARICE

as she crawls forward, on her elbows, following her gun,
until it bumps against Mr. Gumb's shoulder. He is lying on
his back, chest a bloody mess. She slides her muzzle
against his head, hard, but he doesn't move; another shot
isn't needed. He stares upwards, through his goggles,
bloody lips working. He tries to speak, but cannot. One
hand reaches slowly upwards, the fingers twitching, as if
to seize something, overhead... Then a final, ghastly
groan, his hand drops, he is head. Clarice feels for a
pulse at his neck, making sure. Then, and only then, does
she permit herself to roll over, collapsing onto her back
beside him.

OVERHEAD ANGLE

down at the two faces - intimately close together, like
lovers on their pillow. Then, as we PULL SLOWLY AWAY, we
see that her staring eyes, and his dead gaze, are both
locked onto -
140.

A DEATH'S-HEAD MOTH -

perched on an infra-red bulb, overhead, its wings pumping
slowly. SOUND UPCUT - wailing SIRENS, many excited VOICES,
as we...

DISSOLVE TO:

EXT. MR. GUMB'S HOUSE - DUSK

The front porch of the tall Victorian house is bathed in
a glare of TV lights, police and ambulance flashers. Cars
and vans and even a firetruck choke the street; cops,
reporters, EMS workers and curious civilians swarm around
the ineffective barricades. The BUZZ of their voices goes
even higher as

CLARICE

dazed, her face bandaged - comes out of the house, walking
protectively beside Catherine, who is wheeled on a gurney.
They are followed out by uniformed cops, then two firemen
with an extension ladder. Catherine, blinking in
confusion, is still clutching the little dog, and refuses
to give her up even as she's trundled into an ambulance.
Clarice sways with exhaustion; everyone seems to be
shouting at her at once, pulling her sleeve. She tries to
fight free of them, desperate for a familiar face.

AN OHIO HIGHWAY PATROL CAR

pulls up, stops, and Crawford climbs out of the back seat.
He makes his way anxiously through the press of bodies,
stopping when he sees Clarice.

THEY LOOK AT ONE ANOTHER

for a long moment, Crawford choked with pride for her,
with sorrow for her ordeal, with love, but unable to find
any words. And then he does.

CRAWFORD
Starling... your father sees you.

And then all at once she is sobbing, her knees giving way,
but he is there to catch her, he is hugging her fiercely.
HOLD ON them for a long beat.
141.

DIRECTOR BURKE (V.O.)
(over loudspeaker)
Congratulations! You are now officers
of the Federal Bureau of
Investigation...

DISSOLVE TO:

EXT. GROUNDS OF THE FBI ACADEMY - WEEKS LATER - DAY

The forty members of Clarice's class, resplendent in their
best dark suits and dresses, rise, cheering themselves,
then turn happily to wave to their audience, as APPLAUSE
mounts. Beyond them, on a gaily tented platform, the
Director stands behind his podium.

CLARICE AND ARDELIA

look at one another solemnly. Ardelia holds up both fists,
in a power shake, and Clarice taps them with her own. She
is radiantly beautiful in a navy dress and pearls, the
thin scar on her cheek almost healed. Ardelia turns,
waving towards the crowd, the Clarice's thoughts are
elsewhere. She turns, searching among the dignitaries on
the platform, till she locates

CRAWFORD

who smiles back at her with quiet pride, and offers a
little salute.

CLARICE

grins - more happy than we've ever seen her - then turns
to wave towards the crowd with the others.

MOVING ANGLE

over the admiring sea of spectators, several hundred of
them, still rising from their folding chairs, APPLAUDING
in celebration of these special young people, this
perfect, sunlit day. SOUND UPCUT - rock music, laughter -
as we...

DISSOLVE TO:

Genres: ["Thriller","Crime","Drama"]

Summary Clarice confronts Mr. Gumb in his cellar while the SWAT team prepares to raid. She discovers Catherine Martin being held captive and tries to rescue her. The scene ends with a shocking discovery and a struggle in darkness.

Strengths "Intense confrontation and action, high stakes, suspenseful tone"

Weaknesses "Some dialogue could be more impactful and memorable"

Critique Overall, this scene is well-written and effectively builds tension and suspense. The use of sensory details, such as the magnified sounds and physical sensations that Clarice experiences in the workroom, helps to create a sense of claustrophobia and increased stakes.

The description of Mr. Gumb and his grotesque appearance is vivid and unsettling, contributing to the horror of the moment. The slow motion and close-ups add to the intensity and allow the reader to feel the impact of each shot.

The juxtaposition of the intimate moment between Clarice and Mr. Gumb and the death’s-head moth creates a haunting and eerie atmosphere. The use of sound cues, such as the wailing sirens and excited voices as the scene transitions, helps to create a sense of chaos and urgency.

The final part of the scene, where Clarice emerges from Mr. Gumb’s house, is a fitting resolution to the suspense built throughout the scene. The reunion with Crawford and the emotions that are conveyed in this moment are well-written and evoke a strong response from the reader.

However, one area for improvement is the pacing of the scene. There are instances, such as the detailed description of Clarice reloading her gun, that slow down the action and could be condensed to maintain a sense of urgency. Additionally, the transition between the action in the workroom and the aftermath outside the house could be smoother to create a more seamless flow.

Overall, this scene effectively builds tension and suspense, vividly describes the setting and characters, and evokes emotions from the reader. With some minor adjustments, it could be even stronger.

Suggestions Here are a few suggestions to improve the scene:

1. Add more sensory details: While the scene provides some description of the sounds and visuals, you can further enhance the atmosphere by incorporating more sensory details. For example, you can describe the smell of chemicals in the workroom, the taste of copper in Clarice's mouth after being hit, or the feel of the blood on her cheek.

2. Enhance the tension: The scene builds up the tension well, but you can further heighten it by elongating certain moments. For example, you can slow down the description of Clarice reloading her gun, adding more suspense and anticipation before she resumes her search for Mr. Gumb.

3. Clarify the physical actions: Some parts of the action are a bit confusing. Add clearer instructions to help the reader visualize the scene better. For example, when describing Clarice reloading her gun, specify if she is doing it blindly or if she is using her sense of touch to guide her.

4. Show the emotional impact: After the intense action, take a moment to show the emotional impact on Clarice. Describe her reactions, both physical and emotional, to emphasize the toll the situation has taken on her.

5. Rewrite the ending: The ending feels a bit rushed and could benefit from more emotional depth. Instead of a short description of the crowd cheering, consider adding a moment where Clarice reflects on her journey and how far she has come. Show her gratitude towards the people who supported her, like Crawford, and her own sense of accomplishment.

Overall, focus on creating vivid visuals, maintaining tension, and showcasing the emotional journey of the characters to enhance the impact of the scene.

Scene 44 - Final Confrontation

Overall: 10.0
Concept: 9
Plot: 10
Characters: 9
Dialogue: 8

INT. ACADEMY DORM - REC ROOM - THAT NIGHT

A LOUD party is underway - food, beer, dancing - as the
new grads celebrate ferociously. Ardelia weaves her way
through the crowded room, reaches Clarice, who is flanked
by her special guests - Pilcher and Roden, the two ardent
scientists. Ardelia has to shout at Clarice over the din.
142.

ARDELIA
Agent Starling! Telephone!

CLARICE
(surprised)
Agent Mapp! Thank you!

She nods to Pilcher, leaves them. Roden, who is quite
happily drunk, grabs the startled Ardelia around the waist.

RODEN
Hel-lo, gorgeous! Let's get down.

Ardelia looks at Pilcher, confused.

PILCHER
Just ignore him. He's not a Ph.D.

CUT TO:

INT. DORM HALLWAY - NIGHT

Clarice picks up the dangling pay phone, speaks happily.

CLARICE
Starling.

DR. LECTER (V.O.)
Well, Clarice, have the lambs stopped
screaming...?

She freezes, stunned by the familiar voice. Then she
turns, waving frantically towards

ARDELIA

who is just inside the rec room door, at the end of the
hall, lost in conversation with Pilcher and Roden. Ardelia
glances at her briefly but misunderstands, waves
cheerfully back.

DR. LECTER (V.O.)
Don't bother with a trace, I won't be
on long enough.

CLARICE

turns back, gripping the phone more tightly.

CLARICE
Where are you, Dr. Lecter?

CUT TO:
143.

EXT. A CLEAR NIGHT SKY

Very beautiful, glittering with countless stars.

DR. LECTER (O.S.)
Where I have a view, Clarice...

MOVING DOWN

we see a rolling lawn, a curving bay. Boats ride at
anchor, lights shimmering...

DR. LECTER (O.S.)
Orion is looking splendid tonight, and
Arcturus, the Herdsman, with his
flock...

DR. LECTER

smiles into his mobile phone. He is stretched out on a
lounger, on a tiled patio, languidly paring an orange with
a penknife. His appearance is quite altered - a beard,
glasses, lighter hair. He's has some cosmetic surgery, as
well.

DR. LECTER
(into phone)
Your lambs are still for now, Clarice,
but not forever... You'll have to earn
it again and again, this blessed
silence. Because it's the plight that
drives you, and the plight will never
end.

CLARICE
Dr. Lecter -

DR. LECTER
I have no plans to call on you,
Clarice, the world being more
interesting with you in it. Be sure
you extend me the same courtesy.

CLARICE (V.O.)
You know I can't make that promise.

DR. LECTER
Goodbye, Clarice...
(and then, softly)
You looked - so very lovely today, in
your blue suit.

CUT TO:
144.

INT. DORM HALLWAY - NIGHT

As Clarice reacts, the fill weight of his words sinking in.

CLARICE
Dr. Lecter... Dr. Lecter...!

But only a DIAL TONE comes from the phone. She is still
staring at her receiver, in shock, as we -

CUT BACK TO:

EXT. THE MOONLIT PATIO

Dr. Lecter sighs, sets his phone down, then rises. Popping
an orange section into his mouth, he turns towards the
brightly lit house. Stepping delicately over the sprawled
body of a uniformed security guard, he walks in through
open french doors.

CUT TO:

INT. A BOOKLINED STUDY

In a swivel chair, amidst the wreckage of his papers and
books, is the writhing figure of Dr. Frederick Chilton.
The extreme intricacy of his bindings recalls Dr. Lecter's
own former restraints. His screams are muffled by the tape
over his mouth; he stares at Dr. Lecter like a rabbit
trapped in headlights.

DR. LECTER

Considers him for a genial moment, then raises the little
pen-knife. His eyes are twinkling.

DR. LECTER
Well, Dr. Chilton. Shall we begin?

FADE OUT

THE END

Genres: ["Thriller","Horror"]

Strengths "Strong tension and suspense, compelling dialogue, high stakes"

Weaknesses "Some dialogue may be clich\u00e9, the shocking discovery ending may feel abrupt"

Critique This scene effectively creates tension and suspense, providing a compelling continuation of the story. The dialogue between Clarice and Dr. Lecter is engaging and showcases their complex dynamic. The setting of the dorm room and the image of the rolling lawn and bay adds visual interest to the scene.

One suggestion for improvement would be to clarify the action and character movements. In some instances, it is unclear who is speaking or what they are doing. For example, when Ardelia waves cheerfully back at Clarice, it is not clear that she misunderstands Clarice's distress. Providing more specific actions and reactions would help to enhance the clarity and impact of this scene. Additionally, it may be beneficial to add more description to highlight the emotional state of Clarice and the atmosphere of the dorm room party.

Overall, this scene effectively sets up the continuation of tension and suspense in the story, but could benefit from further clarity and description to enhance the impact.

Suggestions 1. In the beginning of the scene, establish the atmosphere of the party more vividly. Use descriptive language to paint a picture of the lively party with food, beer, and dancing. Show the energy and excitement of the graduates celebrating.

2. Give more characterization to Ardelia. Show her personality and her relationship with Clarice through their interaction. Instead of just having her shout at Clarice, give her a distinct voice and mannerisms that reflect her personality.

3. Clarify the relationship between Clarice and Pilcher and Roden. Are they colleagues or mentors? If they are significant characters, give them more depth and background to make their presence in the scene more meaningful.

4. Consider adding a small conflict or tension in the scene to make it more dynamic. It could be a disagreement or misunderstanding between characters that adds an additional layer of complexity to the scene.

5. Make the transition from the party scene to the dorm hallway more seamless. Add a visual or auditory cue to indicate the shift in location, such as someone mentioning the pay phone or playing with it in the party scene.

6. Slow down the pacing when Clarice answers the phone in the dorm hallway. Show her surprise and shock more explicitly, maybe even have her pause for a moment before answering.

7. Think about ways to make the conversation between Clarice and Dr. Lecter more gripping and suspenseful. Add more tension and emotion to their exchange to make it more engaging for the audience.

8. Consider giving Dr. Lecter's appearance more dramatic impact. Instead of just mentioning his changed appearance, show it in a powerful and striking way. Use visual cues to make it clear that he has undergone extensive cosmetic surgery.

9. Show Dr. Lecter's interactions with the security guard and Dr. Chilton in a more vivid and intense manner. Make these moments in the story more memorable and impactful.

10. Consider ending the scene on a stronger note. Find a way to leave the audience on a cliffhanger or with a lingering sense of anticipation for what happens next.