Read Donnie Darko with its analysis


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Scene 1 -  Darko's Suburban Saturday
EXT. NEIGHBOURHOOD STREET - DAY (SATURDAY 1 P.M.)

Donnie turns the corner and heads towards the garage.

We pan over to the Darko house... moving through the front
yard where Eddie Darko (forty-four) pulls the cord and his
gas-powered leaf-blower roars to life.

Elizabeth Darko (nineteen) comes out the front door. She
approaches her dad from behind. Eddie turns and aims the
leaf-blower at her face... blasting her with air.

EXT. DARKO DRIVEWAY - NEXT

Donnie parks his bike and goes inside.

EXT. DARKO BACKYARD / PATIO - NEXT

We pull back from Samantha Darko (ten) as she is jumping on
a trampoline and pan over to Rose Darko (forty-two) as she
sits at a table reading a paperback copy of Stephen King's
"IT". She glances over to the kitchen.

INT. KITCHEN - NEXT

Donnie walks into the kitchen. He then goes to the
refrigerator.
2.

Printed in magic marker on the refrigerator notepad is the
phrase:

WHERE IS DONNIE?

INT. FAMILY ROOM - EVENING (5 P.M.)

The opening theme of "Who's the Boss?" begins as we see Tony
Danza's blue van and the title card. We reveal Samantha,
sitting on the floor, singing softly to the theme song "Brand
New Life" performed by Larry Weiss.

We pan over to Donnie, sitting in the La-Z Boy.

INT. KITCHEN - EVENING (6 P.M.)

The Darko family has convened for dinner. They eat silently
for several moments.

ELIZABETH
I'm voting for Dukakis.

EDDIE
Perhaps when you have children of
your own that need braces, and you
can't afford them because half of
your husband's paycheck goes to the
federal government, you'll regret
that decision.

ELIZABETH
(amused bitterness)
I'm not gonna squeeze one out until
I'm thirty.

DONNIE
Will you still be working at Yarn
Barn? 'Cause that's a great place
to raise children.

ROSE
No, a year of partying is enough.
She'll be going to Harvard this fall.

ELIZABETH
I haven't been accepted yet, mother.

ROSE
(smiles)
If you think Michael Dukakis will
provide for this country prior to
the point when you decide to squeeze
one out, then I think you're
misinformed.

SAMANTHA
When can I squeeze one out?
3.

DONNIE
(to his sister)
Not until like... eighth grade.

ROSE
(to Donnie)
Excuse me?

ELIZABETH
Donnie? You're a dick.

DONNIE
Whoa, Elizabeth. A little hostile,
there. Maybe you should be the one
in therapy. Then Mom and Dad can
pay someone two hundred dollars an
hour to listen to all of your
thoughts... so we won't have to.

ELIZABETH
Maybe you'd like to tell Mom and Dad
why you stopped taking your
medication.

An awkward silence.

ROSE
(surprised)
You've stopped taking your medication?

SAMANTHA
When can I squeeze one out, Mom?

DONNIE
(glaring at Elizabeth)
You're such a fuck-ass.

ROSE
When did you stop taking your
medication?

ELIZABETH
(laughing)
Did you just call me a fuck-ass?

ROSE
That's enough.

ELIZABETH
(to Donnie)
You can suck a fuck.

DONNIE
Oh, please tell me, Elizabeth, how
exactly does one suck a fuck?
4.

ROSE
(disgusted)
We will not have this kind of language
at the dinner table.

They are all silent for a moment.

SAMANTHA
What's a fuck-ass?

Despite his brave efforts to hold back laughter, Eddie Darko
lets out a slight guffaw.
Genres: ["Drama","Comedy"]

Summary Donnie returns home and notices 'WHERE IS DONNIE?' written on the notepad. As the family gathers for dinner, tensions rise over politics and Donnie's medication. The scene ends with Samantha's comical question.
Strengths
  • Sharp and witty dialogue
  • Effective portrayal of family dynamics
  • Engaging conflicts
Weaknesses
  • Lack of significant character changes
  • Relatively low stakes

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively establishes the family dynamics and conflicts through witty and sarcastic dialogue. The tension and humor create an engaging and entertaining atmosphere.


Story Content

Concept: 7

The concept of a dysfunctional family dinner is not entirely unique, but the execution and dialogue make it compelling.

Plot: 7

The plot revolves around the family dinner and the conflicts that arise. It effectively sets up the dynamics and tensions within the family.

Originality: 6

The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While the setting and family dynamics are familiar, the dialogue and character interactions have a fresh and humorous approach. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed and their personalities shine through the dialogue. Each character has distinct traits and contributes to the conflicts.

Character Changes: 6

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the conflicts and tensions hint at potential character growth and development.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to assert himself and challenge his sister's behavior. It reflects his need for control and his desire to protect his family from conflict.

External Goal: 6

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to have a peaceful family dinner. It reflects the immediate challenge of maintaining harmony and avoiding conflict within the family.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflicts between family members are intense and create a tense atmosphere throughout the scene.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in this scene is strong as it involves conflicts between multiple characters. The audience is unsure of how the conflicts will be resolved and the tension adds to the engagement of the scene.

High Stakes: 5

The stakes in this scene are relatively low, focusing more on the interpersonal conflicts within the family.

Story Forward: 7

The scene provides insight into the family dynamics and sets up potential conflicts and developments for future scenes.

Unpredictability: 6

This scene is unpredictable because it includes unexpected and humorous dialogue exchanges between the characters. The audience may not anticipate the specific insults and comebacks used by the characters.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

There is a philosophical conflict evident in this scene between Elizabeth and Donnie. Elizabeth values therapy and believes in the importance of expressing thoughts and emotions, while Donnie dismisses therapy and prefers to avoid discussing his own thoughts and emotions. This challenges Donnie's beliefs and values regarding therapy and his own mental health.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene elicits a range of emotions, including amusement, bitterness, and disgust. The tensions and conflicts add depth to the emotional impact.

Dialogue: 10

The dialogue is sharp, witty, and filled with sarcasm. It effectively conveys the tensions and conflicts within the family.

Engagement: 7

This scene is engaging because it presents a conflict within the family and showcases the characters' distinct personalities through their dialogue and actions. The mix of humor and tension keeps the audience interested in the outcome of the scene.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by balancing the slower moments of family dinner with the faster-paced and more intense confrontations between the characters. The rhythm of the dialogue and actions keeps the scene engaging and dynamic.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. The scene headings, action lines, and dialogue are properly formatted and organized. The scene is easy to read and understand.

Structure: 8

The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It introduces the setting, establishes the characters, and presents a conflict that drives the scene forward. The dialogue and actions are well-paced and contribute to the overall structure.


Critique
  • The scene starts with Donnie turning the corner and heading towards the garage, but it is not clear why he is going there or what his intention is. It would be helpful to provide some context or motivation for his actions.
  • The interaction between Eddie Darko and Elizabeth Darko with the leaf-blower feels random and does not contribute much to the overall story. It could be removed or replaced with a more meaningful interaction.
  • The introduction of Samantha Darko jumping on a trampoline and Rose Darko reading a book in the backyard does not add much to the scene and feels disconnected from the rest of the story. It could be integrated more seamlessly or removed.
  • The transition to the evening where Samantha sings the theme song of 'Who's the Boss?' while Donnie sits in a La-Z Boy feels abrupt and does not flow well. It could be smoother and more cohesive.
  • The dinner conversation about politics and Donnie's medication feels forced and unnatural. The dialogue could be more organic and the conflict could be developed more effectively.
  • The use of explicit language and insults in the dialogue may be excessive and could be toned down to maintain a more balanced tone.
  • The scene ends with Samantha asking what a 'fuck-ass' is and Eddie Darko laughing, which feels out of place and does not contribute to the overall story. It could be removed or replaced with a more meaningful ending.
Suggestions
  • Provide clearer context and motivation for Donnie's actions in the scene.
  • Consider removing or replacing the interaction between Eddie Darko and Elizabeth Darko with the leaf-blower.
  • Integrate the introduction of Samantha Darko and Rose Darko in the backyard more seamlessly or remove it if it does not contribute to the overall story.
  • Smooth out the transition to the evening scene with Samantha singing and Donnie sitting in a La-Z Boy.
  • Develop the dinner conversation about politics and Donnie's medication in a more organic and effective way.
  • Consider toning down the explicit language and insults in the dialogue.
  • Replace the ending of the scene with something more meaningful and relevant to the story.



Scene 2 -  Saturday Night Conflicts
INT. ELIZABETH'S ROOM - EVENING (SATURDAY NIGHT, 9 P.M.)

Elizabeth talks on the phone, getting ready for her Saturday
night. Rose knocks and then enters.

ELIZABETH
(into the phone)
No. I took a year off to be with
you.
(beat)
Of course I care. Don't get angry.
(covering the phone)
What?

ROSE
How did you know -

ELIZABETH
(cutting her off)
I didn't realise it was such a big
deal.

ROSE
It is a big deal.

ELIZABETH
I caught him flushing pills down the
toilet. He knows you check the
container.

INT. DONNIE'S ROOM - NEXT

Donnie lies on his bed, reading "Collected Short Stories" by
Graham Greene. His room is an organised wreck.

Rose enters and begins to pick things up of the floor.

DONNIE
Get out of my room.

Rose bitterly turns to leave, but stops at the door.

ROSE
I wish I knew where you went at night.
(MORE)
5.

ROSE (CONT'D)
(beat)
Did you toilet paper the Johnson's
house?

DONNIE
(still reading)
I stopped rolling houses in the sixth
grade, Mom.
(beat)
Get out of my room.

ROSE
You know... it would be nice to look
at you some time... and see my son.
I don't recognise this person today.

DONNIE
Then why don't you start taking the
goddamn pills?

Donnie leans over and turns off his lamp. Rose turns and
leaves her son alone in the dark, closing the door behind
her.

DONNIE (CONT'D)
Bitch.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary Elizabeth confronts Donnie and Rose about flushing pills - and more.
Strengths
  • Powerful dialogue
  • Emotional conflict
  • Character dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Limited character change within the scene

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively portrays the emotional conflict between Donnie and his mother, creating a tense and confrontational atmosphere. The dialogue is sharp and impactful, revealing the deep-seated issues within their relationship.


Story Content

Concept: 7

The concept of the scene revolves around the strained relationship between Donnie and his mother, highlighting the impact of Donnie's refusal to take his medication. It effectively explores the theme of family dynamics and the consequences of personal choices.

Plot: 7

The plot of the scene focuses on the confrontation between Donnie and his mother, showcasing their conflicting perspectives and unresolved issues. It adds depth to the overall story by delving into the complexities of their relationship.

Originality: 7

The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While the situation of a mother and son arguing is a familiar one, the specific details and dialogue in this scene add authenticity and freshness to the situation. The actions and dialogue of the characters feel genuine and true to life.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters in the scene, particularly Donnie and his mother, are well-developed and their personalities shine through their dialogue and actions. Their conflicting traits and emotions create a compelling dynamic.

Character Changes: 7

While there is not a significant character change within the scene, it highlights the existing conflicts and unresolved issues between Donnie and his mother, setting the stage for potential character growth in the future.

Internal Goal: 8

Elizabeth's internal goal in this scene is to maintain a sense of control and connection with her son. She wants to understand and support him, despite the challenges they are facing.

External Goal: 7

Donnie's external goal in this scene is to assert his independence and privacy. He wants his mother to respect his boundaries and leave his room.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The scene is filled with conflict, both verbal and emotional, between Donnie and his mother. Their confrontation escalates the tension and creates a sense of unease.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in this scene is strong, as there is a clear conflict between Elizabeth and Donnie. Donnie's resistance to taking his medication and his desire for privacy create obstacles for Elizabeth, who wants to support and understand her son.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes in the scene revolve around the strained relationship between Donnie and his mother. The confrontation highlights the potential consequences of their actions and choices.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by deepening the understanding of Donnie's strained relationship with his mother and the impact of his refusal to take medication. It sets the stage for further exploration of these dynamics.

Unpredictability: 6

This scene is somewhat predictable because it follows a familiar pattern of conflict between a parent and child. However, there are moments of unpredictability in the dialogue and actions of the characters that keep the scene engaging.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the clash between Elizabeth's desire for Donnie to take his medication and Donnie's resistance to it. This conflict challenges Elizabeth's belief in the importance of medication for mental health and Donnie's belief in his autonomy and control over his own body.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes strong emotions, particularly frustration, anger, and sadness. The strained relationship between Donnie and his mother elicits empathy and creates a powerful emotional impact.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue in the scene is sharp, impactful, and reveals the underlying tension and emotions between the characters. It effectively conveys their conflicting perspectives and adds depth to their relationship.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it presents a conflict between the characters that is relatable and emotionally charged. The dialogue and actions of the characters create tension and suspense, keeping the audience invested in the outcome of the scene.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and maintaining the audience's interest. The dialogue exchanges are quick and snappy, with minimal pauses or breaks, creating a sense of urgency and emotional intensity.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. The scene headings, character names, dialogue, and action descriptions are all properly formatted and organized.

Structure: 8

The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It begins with an establishing shot and then moves into a series of dialogue exchanges between the characters. The scene has a clear beginning, middle, and end, with a conflict introduced and resolved.


Critique
  • The scene starts abruptly with Elizabeth talking on the phone, which may confuse the audience as to who she is talking to and what the conversation is about. It would be helpful to provide some context or establish the other side of the conversation.
  • The dialogue between Elizabeth and Rose feels rushed and lacks natural flow. The characters interrupt each other frequently, which can make it difficult for the audience to follow the conversation.
  • The conflict between Elizabeth and Rose is not fully explored or resolved in this scene. It feels like a missed opportunity to delve deeper into their relationship and the issues they are facing.
  • The visual description of Donnie's room as an 'organised wreck' is contradictory and confusing. It would be more effective to provide a clearer description of the state of the room.
  • The dialogue between Donnie and Rose lacks emotional depth and feels somewhat cliché. It would benefit from more nuanced and authentic language to reflect the complexity of their relationship.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief introduction to the phone conversation to provide context and establish the other side of the conversation.
  • Allow the dialogue between Elizabeth and Rose to flow more naturally, with fewer interruptions and more space for each character to express their thoughts and emotions.
  • Explore the conflict between Elizabeth and Rose further, allowing for a more meaningful and satisfying resolution.
  • Revise the visual description of Donnie's room to provide a clearer and more coherent image for the audience.
  • Enhance the dialogue between Donnie and Rose by using more authentic and nuanced language that reflects the complexity of their relationship.



Scene 3 -  Encounter with Frank
INT. UPSTAIRS HALLWAY - NEXT

Rose stops in her tracks, hearing this. She then walks into
her bedroom and closes the door.

INT. MASTER BEDROOM - NEXT

Rose goes into bed with Eddie, who is reading a hardback
copy of Stephen King's "The Tommyknockers".

ROSE
Our son just called me a bitch.

EDDIE
(beat)
You're not a bitch.

INT. UPSTAIRS BATHROOM - NEXT

Donnie removes his pills from the medicine cabinet. We see
insert that reads: L. THURMAN M.D.

He looks at the bottle for a moment, and then takes three
pills and swallows them... staring at his reflection in the
mirror.

INT. MASTER BEDROOM - NIGHT (12 A.M.)

Eddie sits up in bed, unable to sleep.
6.

INT. FAMILY ROOM - NEXT

The TV pops on. Eddie drops into the La-Z Boy.

They are replaying a Bush/Dukakis debate. Eddie laughs.

INT. FOYER - NEXT

We pull back and pan over to a grandfather clock... as the
hand reaches midnight.

Title card:

OCTOBER 2 1988

INT. DONNIE'S ROOM - NIGHT (EARLY SUNDAY MORNING, 1 A.M.)

VOICE
(whisper)
Wake... up... Donnie.

Donnie jerks upright in his bed, awakened from a bad dream.
He looks over at his alarm clock: 12:50 a.m. His expression
is distant... confused.

INT. FOYER - NEXT

Donnie walks downstairs.

INT. FAMILY ROOM - NEXT

Donnie stares at Eddie, asleep in the La-Z Boy.

INT. KITCHEN - NEXT

Donnie walks into the kitchen, removes the magic marker from
the refrigerator message board.

INT. FOYER - NEXT

Donnie walks to the front and exits the house.

EXT. DARKO HOUSE, FRONT YARD - NEXT

Donnie walks down the front walk to the street.

EXT. NEIGHBOURHOOD STREET - NEXT

Donnie walks down the street.

EXT. SEVENTH HOLE - NIGHT (1:30 A.M.)

Donnie arrives next to the pin and stares off into the
distance.
7.

VOICE
Helluva night for a walk... huh,
Donnie?

Donnie stares off into the distance.

VOICE (CONT'D)
Tonight is very special, Donnie.

DONNIE
What?

VOICE
I've been watching you.
(beat)
Do you believe in God, Donnie?

Donnie doesn't answer. He holds his stomach, taking deep
breaths.

VOICE (CONT'D)
God loves his children, Donnie. God
loves you.

There... standing on the seventh hole is a six-foot-tall
figure dressed in a grotesque bunny suit.

Donnie stares at the Bunny nervously as a wave of nausea
overcomes him.

BUNNY
My name is Frank.
(beat)
I want you to follow me.

DONNIE
Why?

FRANK
I'm here to save you.
(beat)
The world is coming to an end, Donnie.

Donnie doesn't answer.

FRANK (CONT'D)
Look up in the sky, Donnie.

He looks up into the black night.

FRANK (CONT'D)
28 days... 6 hours... 42 minutes...
12 seconds. That is when the world
will end.

Donnie looks back at Frank. His expression is a vacant expanse
of confusion.
8.
Genres: ["Drama","Mystery","Sci-Fi"]

Summary Rose overhears her son calling her a bitch and retreats to her bedroom. Donnie takes pills from the medicine cabinet and contemplates his reflection in the mirror. Eddie, unable to sleep, watches a Bush/Dukakis debate on TV. Donnie, disturbed by a bad dream, goes downstairs and encounters a figure dressed in a bunny suit named Frank. Frank cryptically claims to be here to save Donnie, stating that the world is coming to an end. The scene ends with Donnie looking bewildered as Frank reveals that the world will end in 28 days, 6 hours, 42 minutes, and 12 seconds.
Strengths
  • Tension-building
  • Mysterious atmosphere
  • Engaging dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Lack of clarity in the Bunny's motives

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively creates tension and confusion through the introduction of the Bunny character and the revelation of the impending end of the world. The dialogue and interactions between characters are engaging and contribute to the overall tone of the scene.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of a mysterious figure in a bunny suit appearing to the protagonist and revealing the impending end of the world is intriguing and sets up the central conflict of the story.

Plot: 7

The plot of the scene revolves around the introduction of the Bunny character and the revelation of the impending end of the world. It effectively sets up the central conflict and raises questions about the protagonist's role in the events to come.

Originality: 6

The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While the concept of a mysterious figure predicting the end of the world is not entirely unique, the specific execution and the character dynamics add freshness to the familiar trope. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue contributes to the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters in the scene, particularly Donnie and the Bunny, are well-developed and their interactions create tension and intrigue. Donnie's confusion and the Bunny's mysterious nature add depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 7

Donnie experiences a shift in his perception of the world and his role in it through the revelation of the impending end of the world and the appearance of the Bunny. This sets up his character arc and the journey he will undertake.

Internal Goal: 0

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is not clearly defined.

External Goal: 5

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to follow the figure dressed in a bunny suit named Frank, who claims to be there to save him.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict in the scene arises from the revelation of the impending end of the world and the protagonist's uncertain role in preventing it. The tension between Donnie and the Bunny adds to the conflict.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in this scene is moderate. Donnie is faced with the opposition of whether to believe Frank's claims and follow him or not.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes in the scene are high as the protagonist is faced with the revelation of the impending end of the world and the responsibility to prevent it. The presence of the Bunny adds a sense of urgency and danger.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing the central conflict and raising questions about the protagonist's role in preventing the end of the world. It sets up the events to come and creates anticipation for the audience.

Unpredictability: 9

This scene is unpredictable because it introduces a bizarre and unexpected character, Frank, who claims to know about the end of the world.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

There is a philosophical conflict evident in this scene between Donnie's belief in God and the impending end of the world as predicted by Frank. This challenges Donnie's beliefs, values, and worldview.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene creates a sense of unease and anticipation through the tension and confusion felt by the characters. The impending end of the world adds emotional weight to the scene.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the tension and confusion felt by the characters. The Bunny's cryptic statements and Donnie's reactions create a sense of unease and anticipation.

Engagement: 7

This scene is engaging because it introduces a mysterious and intriguing situation that raises questions and creates suspense.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by gradually building tension and suspense through the use of concise and focused dialogue and visual descriptions.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It uses standard scene headings, action lines, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It introduces the setting, establishes the characters, and sets up the conflict and mystery.


Critique
  • The scene starts with Rose overhearing Donnie calling her a bitch and going into her bedroom. This abrupt transition feels a bit jarring and could be smoother.
  • The dialogue between Rose and Eddie in the master bedroom feels a bit forced and unnatural. It could benefit from more realistic and nuanced conversation.
  • The scene lacks clear visual descriptions and details, making it difficult for the reader to fully visualize the setting and characters' actions.
  • The introduction of the voice whispering to Donnie and the appearance of Frank in the bunny suit feels sudden and confusing. It may be helpful to provide more context or build up to these elements.
  • The dialogue between Donnie and Frank is somewhat vague and cryptic, which may leave the reader feeling confused. Adding more clarity to their conversation could improve the scene.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a smoother transition between Rose overhearing Donnie and her going into her bedroom. This could be achieved by adding a brief moment of reflection or reaction from Rose.
  • Work on making the dialogue between Rose and Eddie in the master bedroom more natural and realistic. Consider adding more depth to their conversation by exploring their emotions and motivations.
  • Provide more visual descriptions and details to enhance the reader's understanding of the setting and characters' actions. This could include describing the bedroom decor, characters' body language, and other visual elements.
  • Build up to the introduction of the voice whispering to Donnie and the appearance of Frank in the bunny suit. This could be achieved by adding hints or foreshadowing earlier in the scene.
  • Clarify the dialogue between Donnie and Frank to ensure that the reader understands the significance of their conversation. Consider adding more explicit explanations or hints about the world ending and Donnie's role in it.



Scene 4 -  Jet Engine Crash
INT. FOYER - NIGHT

Elizabeth comes through the front door, leans back against
it, closes her eyes.

INT. FAMILY ROOM - NIGHT

Eddie Darko sleeps reclined in the La-Z Boy. The final notes
of the Channel 12 National Anthem fade away to static.

From above... a thunderous crash. Plaster rains from the
ceiling ...Books fly off the bookshelf as the entire wall-
mount collapses to the floor.

Eddie jerks awake.

INT. FOYER - NEXT

Elizabeth falls back in horror as plaster rains down from
around the chandelier... debris falling in the dining-room
doorway.

EXT. SEVENTH HOLE - MORNING (SUNDAY MORNING, 10 A.M.)

Donnie is curled up, asleep on the green. A golf ball lands
on the green and rolls within inches of his head.

A golf cart filled with four older men arrives. Dr. Fisher
(forty-five) gets out first.

DR. FISHER
Donnie Darko?
(beat)
Son? What's going on here?

Jim Cunningham (forty), the man riding shotgun, gets out of
the cart and walks over.

JIM CUNNINGHAM
Who is it, Don?

DR. FISHER
Eddie Darko's kid.

Donnie gets up and brushes himself off. On his arm he sees
something written in black magic marker.

Numbers.... 28:06:42:12.

Donnie stares at the numbers on his arm, confused.

DR. FISHER (CONT'D)
(to Jim, kissing his
ass)
Sorry about this, Jim, just a... a
kid from the neighbourhood.
(MORE)
9.

DR. FISHER (CONT'D)
(back to Donnie)
So let's stay off the greens at night,
OK?

Jim Cunningham stares at Donnie with a friendly grin.

DONNIE
Sorry, Dr. Fisher. It won't happen
again.

EXT. NEIGHBOURHOOD STREET / DARKO HOUSE - MORNING (11 A.M.)

Donnie walks down the street towards his house.

A fire engine. Two police cars. A news van... All parked in
front of his house.

There are dozens of neighbours in the street surrounding a
barricade. Donnie moves through the crowd where a Police
Officer is standing.

DONNIE
Hey, I live here!

POLICE OFFICER
Are you... Donnie Darko?

DONNIE
Yeah!

The Officer lets him through.

Near the cul-de-sac there is a large caterpillar crane lifting
something from inside the house. There are firemen roaming
around. Two Police Officers are speaking with Eddie and Rose.

Donnie looks over at the house.

A crane lifts a gigantic jet engine over from the house
towards a large flatbed truck. Firemen kick pieces of wood
and shingle from the roof.

He turns and sees his entire family standing there. Eddie is
holding Samantha.

SAMANTHA
It fell on your room.

EXT. CUL-DE-SAC - LATER ON

Two men in suits approach from a black sedan. A police officer
directs them to Rose. One of the men removes a badge from
his pocket and holds it up for Rose to see.
10.

MAN
Mrs. Darko, my name is Bob Garland
and this is David Coleman. We're
with the FAA. If you don't mind,
we'd like to speak with you and your
husband privately.

Elizabeth looks over at Donnie with a grin.

ELIZABETH
(whispering)
They don't know where it came from.

Donnie looks over in awe as the mammoth engine is now strapped
to the flatbed truck. A man in a silver firesuit sprays the
engine down with water.

EXT. CUL-DE-SAC - MOMENTS LATER

Eddie is signing some documents in front of Garland at a
table that has been set up. Another FAA guy is there.

FAA MAN
(pointing to the
document)
And then here as well.

Eddie signs off, and Garland takes the documents.

GARLAND
We've arranged for you to stay at a
hotel, get some sleep. We'll take
care of things here.

Eddie picks Samantha up into his arms. He stands with Rose
and Elizabeth... turning towards Donnie... who seems lost in
a trance.

EDDIE
Come on, Donnie... we're going to a
hotel.

INT. HOLIDAY INN, ROOM 614 - SUNDOWN (SUNDAY NIGHT, 5:30
P.M.)

Donnie lies in bed, watching television. Elizabeth is spread
out on the other bed. Samantha sits on the edge of Elizabeth's
bed, holding a stuffed unicorn named Ariel.

SAMANTHA
If it fell from a plane, then what
happened to the plane?

ELIZABETH
They don't know, Samantha.
11.

SAMANTHA
Is there any way that we can make
money from this? Couldn't we get on
television if we sue the airline?

INT. HOLIDAY INN, ROOM 615 - NEXT

Rose and Eddie lie awake in the dark.

ROSE
So let me get this straight. No
airline will claim ownership of the
engine. So we have to wait for the
FAA to decide who fixes my roof.
(beat)
Fuck that. We're taking the money
out of savings.

EDDIE
(quoting Rod Serling)
You are entering a new dimension of
sight and sound...

Rose begins to laugh.

INT. HOLIDAY INN, ROOM 614 - NEXT

SAMANTHA
Why do I have to sleep with Donnie?
He stinks.

DONNIE
When you fall asleep tonight, I'm
gonna fart in your face.

SAMANTHA
(walking to the door)
I'm telling Mom.

ELIZABETH
Samantha, don't go over there.

INT. HOLIDAY INN, ROOM 615 - LATER THAT NIGHT

EDDIE
Frankie Feedler.

ROSE
What?

EDDIE
Frankie Feedler. You remember him
from high school?

ROSE
(long beat)
He was a year ahead of us?
12.

EDDIE
He died, remember? On the way to the
prom.
(beat)
He was doomed.

Rose lies there silently.

EDDIE (CONT'D)
Jesus Christ. They could have said
the same thing about Donnie. Our
Donnie.
(beat)
But he dodged it. He dodged his
bullet, Rose.

Rose rolls over to embrace him.

EDDIE (CONT'D)
That's my boy.

Moments later, the door to the adjoining room opens. It is
Samantha.

SAMANTHA
Mom, Donnie said he's gonna fart in
my face.

Title card:

OCTOBER 3 1988
Genres: ["Drama","Mystery","Fantasy"]

Summary Elizabeth and Eddie Darko discover a jet engine has crashed into their house, causing chaos and confusion. Donnie Darko is found on a golf course with numbers written on his arm. The FAA takes over the situation and offers the family a hotel to stay in.
Strengths
  • Mysterious atmosphere
  • Effective introduction of central conflict
  • Strong hook for audience
Weaknesses
  • Limited character development in this scene
  • Dialogue focused on conveying information

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively establishes a sense of mystery and tension through the unexpected event of the engine falling into the house. It also introduces conflicts within the family and raises questions about the supernatural elements at play.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a jet engine mysteriously falling into a suburban house is intriguing and sets up the supernatural elements of the story. It creates a strong hook for the audience and raises questions about the nature of reality and fate.

Plot: 7

The plot in this scene revolves around the aftermath of the engine falling into the house and the family's reaction to it. It sets up the central conflict and mystery of the story.

Originality: 3

The level of originality in this scene is low. It depicts common situations such as a mysterious event and the aftermath of a disaster. The characters' actions and dialogue are not particularly unique or fresh.


Character Development

Characters: 7

The characters in this scene are introduced and their relationships and dynamics are established. There is tension between Donnie and his mother, as well as a sense of concern from Eddie and Elizabeth towards Donnie's behavior.

Character Changes: 6

There is a subtle change in Donnie's character as he becomes more withdrawn and isolated, as well as a shift in Rose's perspective on her son's behavior. However, the changes are not significant in this particular scene.

Internal Goal: 6

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is not explicitly stated or developed. However, based on his confusion and the numbers written on his arm, it can be inferred that his internal goal is to understand the meaning behind the numbers and the events happening around him.

External Goal: 8

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to deal with the aftermath of the jet engine crash, including talking to the FAA representatives and staying at a hotel. It reflects the immediate circumstances and challenges he's facing.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

There is conflict within the family, particularly between Donnie and his mother, as well as the external conflict of the engine falling into the house. These conflicts create tension and drive the story forward.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in this scene is moderate, with the protagonist facing challenges such as the FAA representatives and the aftermath of the crash. The audience is unsure of how these challenges will be resolved.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are high for the Darko family as they face the aftermath of the engine falling into their house. It disrupts their lives and raises questions about their safety and the supernatural forces at play.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing the central conflict and mystery of the engine falling into the house. It raises questions and sets up the events to come.

Unpredictability: 6

This scene is somewhat unpredictable because the audience is unsure of the meaning behind the numbers on the protagonist's arm and the origin of the jet engine. However, the overall plot and events are not highly unpredictable.

Philosophical Conflict: 0

There is no evident philosophical conflict in this scene.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes a sense of shock and confusion, as well as concern for Donnie's well-being. The emotional impact is heightened by the mysterious and tense atmosphere.

Dialogue: 6

The dialogue in this scene is mostly focused on conveying information and reactions to the events. It effectively establishes the relationships between the characters and their concerns.

Engagement: 7

This scene is engaging because it introduces a mysterious event (the jet engine crash) and raises questions about its origin and significance. The dialogue and actions of the characters create tension and curiosity.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and maintaining the audience's interest. The rhythm of the scene is well-paced, with a mix of slower moments and more intense moments.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre, with proper use of action lines, dialogue, and scene transitions.

Structure: 8

The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings and a logical progression of events.


Critique
  • The scene starts with Elizabeth coming home and leaning against the front door, but it is not clear why she is in horror or what caused the thunderous crash and collapse of the wall-mount. This lack of context makes it difficult for the audience to fully understand the impact of the event.
  • The transition from Donnie sleeping on the golf course to him waking up and encountering Dr. Fisher and Jim Cunningham feels abrupt and disjointed. It would benefit from a smoother transition or a clearer connection between the two scenes.
  • The significance of the numbers written on Donnie's arm is not explained or explored further in this scene. It leaves the audience confused and wanting more information.
  • The introduction of the FAA men and the discussion about staying at a hotel feels disconnected from the previous events and lacks a clear purpose or impact on the story.
  • The dialogue between Samantha and Elizabeth about making money from the situation and suing the airline feels out of place and does not contribute to the overall narrative or character development.
  • The scene ends with a humorous exchange between Donnie and Samantha about farting, which feels tonally inconsistent with the rest of the scene and the overall story.
Suggestions
  • Provide more context and explanation for the thunderous crash and collapse of the wall-mount to help the audience understand the impact of the event.
  • Smoothly transition from Donnie sleeping on the golf course to his encounter with Dr. Fisher and Jim Cunningham to create a stronger connection between the scenes.
  • Further explore the significance of the numbers written on Donnie's arm to provide clarity and intrigue for the audience.
  • Consider reevaluating the introduction of the FAA men and the discussion about staying at a hotel to ensure it has a clear purpose and impact on the story.
  • Remove the dialogue between Samantha and Elizabeth about making money and suing the airline as it feels out of place and does not contribute to the overall narrative or character development.
  • Consider ending the scene on a more tonally consistent note that aligns with the tension and mystery established throughout the rest of the scene.



Scene 5 -  Bus Stop Banter
EXT. BUS STOP - MORNING (MONDAY MORNING, 7 A.M.)

Rose drops Donnie and Samantha off at the corner.

ROSE
Ms. Farmer will pick you up from
recital. Bye, now.

She pulls of in the Taurus.

Already waiting at the bus stop is Joanie James (eleven).
Also Cherita Chen (fifteen).

SAMANTHA
Hi, Cherita.

CHERITA
Chut up.

Also there are Donnie's two best friends, Sean Smith (sixteen)
and Ronald Fisher (fifteen)
13.

RONALD
(raising his hands in
victory)
DARKO CHEATS DEATH! Man... you're
famous! I called you, like, a jillion
times last night!

DONNIE
We went to a hotel.

RONALD
My dad said he found you on the golf
course. Are you sleepwalking again?

DONNIE
I don't wanna talk about it.

SEAN
Now that you're famous, you gotta
have a smoke.

Sean hands Donnie a Marlboro Red and he takes it, looking
over at Samantha and Joanie.

DONNIE
What happens if you tell Mom and Dad
about this, Samantha?

SAMANTHA
You'll put Ariel in the garbage
disposal.

JOANIE
So... grody.

Sean, Ronald and Donnie light up. Ronald is the most amateur-
looking.

SEAN
Hey, Cherita... want a cigarette?

CHERITA
Chut up.

RONALD
(mimicking)
Chut up!

SEAN
Go back to China, bitch!

DONNIE
Leave her alone, man.

Cherita looks over at Donnie... her quiet devastation poorly
hidden.
14.
Genres: ["Drama","Comedy"]

Summary At a bus stop on a Monday morning, Donnie, Samantha, Joanie James, and Cherita Chen converse. Donnie's friends, Sean Smith and Ronald Fisher, join them. Ronald teases Donnie about cheating death, and Donnie reveals they went to a hotel. Sean offers Donnie a cigarette, but Donnie warns Samantha not to tell their parents. Sean insults Cherita, but Donnie defends her, leaving Cherita devastated.
Strengths
  • Effective dialogue
  • Establishing character dynamics
  • Foreshadowing future events
Weaknesses
  • Limited emotional impact

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively establishes tension and humor through the interactions between the characters. It also sets up the central conflict of Donnie's sleepwalking and introduces important plot elements.


Story Content

Concept: 7

The concept of Donnie's sleepwalking and the mysterious figure in the bunny suit adds intrigue and sets the stage for the supernatural elements of the story.

Plot: 8

The plot progresses as Donnie's friends discuss his sleepwalking incident and the potential consequences of revealing it to his parents. The conflict between the characters is established, foreshadowing future events.

Originality: 6

The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While the situation of characters interacting at a bus stop is familiar, the specific dynamics and conflicts between the characters, such as the protagonist standing up for Cherita, add a fresh approach to the scene. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue contributes to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed and their personalities shine through their dialogue and interactions. Donnie's protective nature towards Cherita and his strained relationship with his mother are particularly compelling.

Character Changes: 7

Donnie's character undergoes a slight change as he becomes more protective of Cherita and asserts himself against his mother.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to protect Cherita from being bullied by his friends. This reflects his deeper need to stand up for what is right and his desire to be a moral person.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to maintain a sense of normalcy and avoid discussing the events of the previous night with his friends and sister. This reflects the immediate circumstances and challenges he is facing, such as the potential consequences of revealing the truth.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict between Donnie's friends and Cherita adds tension to the scene, as well as the underlying conflict between Donnie and his mother.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in this scene is strong enough to create tension and conflict, but it is not overly difficult to overcome. The audience is unsure of how the situation will go, but there is a sense that the protagonist will be able to stand up for Cherita.

High Stakes: 6

The stakes are moderate in this scene, with the potential consequences of revealing Donnie's sleepwalking incident and the strained relationship between Donnie and his mother.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing important plot elements, establishing character dynamics, and foreshadowing future events.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because it introduces unexpected conflicts and challenges for the protagonist. The audience doesn't know how the situation will unfold and whether the protagonist will be able to stand up for Cherita without causing further conflict.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

There is a philosophical conflict evident in this scene between the values of standing up for others and the values of bullying and racism. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs and values, as he is torn between loyalty to his friends and doing what is right.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

The emotional impact is moderate in this scene, with hints of Donnie's frustration and Cherita's hidden pain.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue effectively conveys the tension and humor in the scene. The banter between the characters reveals their relationships and adds depth to their personalities.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it introduces conflicts and dynamics between the characters that create tension and emotional investment. The dialogue is natural and relatable, making the reader or viewer feel connected to the characters and their experiences.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by maintaining a steady rhythm and allowing the conflicts and interactions between the characters to unfold naturally. The scene progresses at a pace that keeps the reader or viewer engaged without feeling rushed.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. The scene headings, character names, dialogue, and action lines are properly formatted and easy to read. The scene is well-paced and flows smoothly.

Structure: 8

The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It begins with an establishing shot and introduces the characters and their interactions through dialogue. The scene progresses with a clear goal and conflict, leading to a resolution.


Critique
  • The scene starts abruptly without any transition or context. It would be helpful to have a brief establishing shot or description to set the scene and provide some context for the audience.
  • The dialogue feels a bit forced and lacks natural flow. It would benefit from more realistic and organic conversations between the characters.
  • The character introductions are a bit clunky and could be smoother. Consider integrating the introductions more seamlessly into the dialogue or action.
  • The conflict between Ronald and Cherita feels unnecessary and adds a negative tone to the scene. Consider removing or toning down this conflict to maintain a more positive atmosphere.
  • The dialogue between Donnie and Samantha about telling their parents about the smoking feels out of place and doesn't contribute much to the scene. Consider removing or reworking this dialogue to make it more relevant and engaging.
  • The scene lacks visual descriptions and details, making it difficult for the reader to visualize the setting and characters. Consider adding more visual elements to enhance the scene.
  • The scene ends abruptly without a clear resolution or transition to the next scene. Consider adding a closing action or dialogue to provide a smoother transition.
  • Overall, the scene feels disjointed and lacks a clear purpose or direction. It would benefit from a stronger focus and clearer objectives for the characters.
Suggestions
  • Start the scene with an establishing shot or description to set the scene and provide context for the audience.
  • Rewrite the dialogue to make it more natural and organic, focusing on realistic conversations between the characters.
  • Integrate the character introductions more seamlessly into the dialogue or action to avoid clunky and forced introductions.
  • Consider removing or toning down the conflict between Ronald and Cherita to maintain a more positive atmosphere.
  • Rework the dialogue between Donnie and Samantha about telling their parents about the smoking to make it more relevant and engaging.
  • Add more visual descriptions and details to enhance the scene and help the reader visualize the setting and characters.
  • Provide a clearer resolution or transition at the end of the scene to create a smoother transition to the next scene.
  • Refocus the scene to have a stronger purpose and clearer objectives for the characters.



Scene 6 -  Morning at Middlesex Ridge School
EXT. / INT. MIDDLESEX RIDGE SCHOOL - MORNING (8 A.M.)

The following montage is three long Steadicam shots in the
main school hallway and courtyard.

We follow Donnie and his friends as they pour out of the
back of the emergency exit of the school bus to 'Head Over
Heels' by Tears for Fears.

We pick up teachers Karen Pomeroy (twenty-seven) and Dr.
Kenneth Monnitoff (thirty) and Kitty Farmer (forty-two),
with Jim Cunningham, as they make their way through the
hallways.

Swarms of girls surround Donnie as he makes his way to his
locker. There is a huge smile on his face.

We reveal Gretchen Ross (fifteen)... we see Principal Cole
(thirty-eight) and then Samantha's dance team (Sparkle Motion)
practising their routine in the courtyard.

We follow Ms. Pomeroy into English class... then time-lapse
dissolve through the doorway...

INT. ENGLISH CLASS - DAY (8:30 A.M.)

Ms. Pomeroy has been reading from "The Destructors" by Graham
Greene.

MS. POMEROY
"There would be headlines in the
papers. Even the grown-up gangs who
ran the betting at the all-in
wrestling and the barrow-boys would
hear with respect how Old Misery's
house had been destroyed. It was as
though his plan had been with him
all his life, pondered through the
seasons, now in his fifteenth year
crystallised with the pain of
puberty."

Donnie sits in the front.

MS. POMEROY (CONT'D)
What is Graham Greene trying to
communicate in this passage? Why do
the children break into Old Misery's
house?

Joanie James raises her hand.

MS. POMEROY (CONT'D)
Joanie.

JOANIE
They wanted to rob him.
15.

MS. POMEROY
Joanie, if you had actually read the
short story... which, at a whopping
thirteen pages must have kept you up
all night, you would know that the
children find a great deal of money
hidden in a mattress. But they burn
it.

The class gives an "Awwww." Joanie blushes.

MS. POMEROY (CONT'D)
Donnie Darko, perhaps, given your
recent brush with mass destruction,
you can give us your opinion?

DONNIE
Well... they say it right when they
are ripping the place to shreds.
When they flood the house. That
like... destruction is a form of
creation. So the fact that they
burn the money is... ironic. They
just want to see what happens when
they tear the world apart.
(beat)
They want to change things.

Gretchen Ross stands at the doorway to the classroom.

MS. POMEROY
May we help you?

GRETCHEN
I just registered, and I think they
put me in the wrong English class.

Ms. Pomeroy studies her.

MS. POMEROY
You look like you belong here.

GRETCHEN
Umm, where do I sit?

Ms. Pomeroy thinks for a moment. There are several empty
chairs.

MS. POMEROY
Sit next to the boy you think is the
cutest. Girls, get up.

The whole class begins to freak out. The girls all get out
of their seats... eating this up. Ronald fixes his hair.

MS. POMEROY (CONT'D)
Quiet! Let her choose.
16.

Without hesitation, Gretchen scans the class for every guy.
As she gracefully takes her seat next to Donnie, they make
eye contact. Donnie grins ear to ear.

The class freaks out laughing.
Genres: ["Drama","Comedy"]

Summary Donnie Darko and his friends arrive at the bustling school, attracting attention. In English class, Ms. Pomeroy discusses "The Destructors." Donnie gives an insightful interpretation, impressing Ms. Pomeroy. Gretchen Ross enters and chooses to sit next to Donnie, causing amusement in the class.
Strengths
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Effective introduction of new characters
  • Balancing humor and tension
Weaknesses
  • Limited character change
  • Low conflict level

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively introduces new characters and sets up the tone and themes of the film. The dialogue is engaging and the comedic moments add levity to the tension. The scene also moves the story forward and creates anticipation for what's to come.


Story Content

Concept: 7

The concept of destruction as a form of creation is intriguing and sets up the central theme of the film. The introduction of Gretchen as a new character adds depth to the story.

Plot: 7

The plot of the scene revolves around Donnie's first day of school and the introduction of Gretchen. It sets up the dynamics between the characters and hints at the conflicts to come.

Originality: 6

The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While the setting and characters are familiar tropes of high school dramas, the dialogue and interactions between the characters feel fresh and authentic. The actions and choices of the characters are believable and contribute to the development of the story.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-developed and their interactions reveal their personalities and motivations. Donnie's enthusiasm and Gretchen's mysteriousness make them compelling characters.

Character Changes: 6

There is minimal character change in this scene, as it primarily focuses on introducing characters and setting up the story. However, Donnie's enthusiasm and connection with Gretchen hint at potential character growth.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to impress Gretchen and make a connection with her. This reflects his deeper desire for companionship and acceptance, as well as his fear of being alone and isolated.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to navigate his way through the school day and fit in with his peers. This reflects the immediate circumstances and challenges he's facing as a high school student.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

The conflict in the scene is relatively low, with the focus being on character introductions and establishing the tone and themes. However, there is tension between Donnie and his classmates.

Opposition: 6

The opposition in this scene is moderate. While there are no major obstacles or conflicts, there is a sense of tension and competition among the students, particularly when Gretchen is asked to choose a seat. The audience is unsure of how the situation will unfold.

High Stakes: 5

The stakes in this scene are relatively low, as it primarily focuses on character introductions and setting up the tone and themes. However, the tension between Donnie and his classmates hints at potential conflicts.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing new characters, establishing the school setting, and hinting at conflicts to come. It creates anticipation for what's to come in the narrative.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because it introduces unexpected elements, such as Gretchen being placed in the wrong English class and choosing to sit next to Donnie. The reactions of the other characters and the twist at the end add an element of surprise and keep the audience guessing.

Philosophical Conflict: 0

There is no evident philosophical conflict in this scene.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene elicits both positive emotions through comedic moments and negative emotions through tension and conflict. Donnie's excitement and connection with Gretchen create emotional engagement.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is sharp, witty, and reveals important information about the characters and their perspectives. Donnie's insight about destruction and change adds depth to the scene.

Engagement: 8

This scene is engaging because it introduces new characters, establishes conflicts and dynamics between them, and ends with a surprising twist. The dialogue is witty and entertaining, and the interactions between the characters create intrigue and anticipation.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by balancing moments of humor and tension. The dialogue exchanges are snappy and keep the scene moving at a brisk pace, while also allowing for moments of reflection and character development.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. The scene headings, action lines, and dialogue are properly formatted and easy to follow. The scene is well-paced and flows smoothly from one moment to the next.

Structure: 9

The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It begins with an establishing shot and then moves into a specific location. The dialogue and actions are clearly presented, and the scene ends with a cliffhanger, leaving the reader wanting to know what happens next.


Critique
  • The scene starts with a montage of three long Steadicam shots, which can be visually engaging but may also feel a bit disjointed and overwhelming for the audience. Consider breaking it up into shorter shots to maintain clarity and focus.
  • The introduction of various characters in the montage feels rushed and doesn't allow for proper character development. It may be more effective to introduce them in separate scenes to give each character their own moment to shine.
  • The dialogue in Ms. Pomeroy's English class feels a bit forced and unnatural. Consider making it more conversational and authentic to how students would actually speak.
  • The transition from the hallway to the classroom is abrupt and could benefit from a smoother transition or a fade-in/fade-out effect.
  • The introduction of Gretchen Ross feels a bit contrived and cliché. Instead of having her choose the cutest boy to sit next to, consider a more organic way for her to find a seat.
  • The reaction of the class to Gretchen choosing Donnie as her seatmate feels exaggerated and unrealistic. Tone down the laughter and make it more subtle.
  • Consider adding more visual elements and actions to enhance the scene and make it more visually engaging.
  • The scene lacks a clear conflict or tension, which can make it feel less impactful. Consider adding a small conflict or tension to drive the scene forward.
  • The scene could benefit from more character development and depth. Explore the characters' motivations, desires, and conflicts to make them more relatable and interesting to the audience.
Suggestions
  • Break up the montage into shorter shots to maintain clarity and focus.
  • Introduce the characters in separate scenes to give each character their own moment to shine.
  • Make the dialogue in Ms. Pomeroy's English class more conversational and authentic.
  • Smooth out the transition from the hallway to the classroom with a fade-in/fade-out effect.
  • Find a more organic way for Gretchen to find a seat instead of having her choose the cutest boy.
  • Tone down the laughter and make the reaction of the class to Gretchen choosing Donnie more subtle.
  • Add more visual elements and actions to enhance the scene and make it more visually engaging.
  • Introduce a small conflict or tension to drive the scene forward.
  • Explore the characters' motivations, desires, and conflicts to add depth and make them more relatable.



Scene 7 -  Donnie and Grandma Death's Encounter
INT. TAURUS - SUNSET (MONDAY NIGHT, 6 P.M.)

Eddie drives Donnie down Old Gun Road, a windy back-road
that goes towards the country.

EDDIE
So how was school today?

DONNIE
It was great. We had peanut-butter
sandwiches and apples and honey at
snacktime. And then during show-and-
tell, my stuffed walrus was a big
hit.

EDDIE
Good Lord.
(beat)
So the construction guys say it'll
take about a week to fix the roof.
Damn airline better not fuck us on
the shingle match.

DONNIE
Do they know yet?

EDDIE
Know what?

DONNIE
Where it came from?

EDDIE
No... apparently they can't tell us
what happened yet. Something about a
matching serial number that got
burned.
(beat)
But I had to sign a form saying I
wouldn't talk to anyone about it.

DONNIE
So we're not supposed to tell anybody
what nobody knows?

EDDIE
You tell Dr. Thurman whatever you
want.

Suddenly, Eddie slams on the brakes and the station wagon
comes to a sudden stop.
17.

EDDIE (CONT'D)
Oh, shit!

DONNIE
Grandma Death.

Standing in the road directly in front of the car is Roberta
Sparrow (101 years old, a.k.a. Grandma Death).

Grandma Death lives in a modest brick house that sits back
in a huge grassy field that overlooks the entire town. Her
mailbox sits on the edge of Old Gun Road.

EXT. OLD GUN ROAD - NEXT

Donnie gets out of the car and takes Grandma Death's hand,
walking her back towards her mailbox. He opens it for her.

DONNIE
No mail today.
(smiles)
Maybe tomorrow.

Grandma Death smiles back at him... and begins to walk slowly
back to her house. She then turns and takes Donnie's hands
into her frail grip.

GRANDMA DEATH
(speaking slowly)
Every living creature... on this
earth...
(beat)
...dies alone.

Donnie stands there silently for a moment, and then Grandma
Death turns back towards her house.

EXT. DR. THURMAN'S RANCH - SUNSET

We see a large colonial rancher in the distance.

INT. THERAPIST'S OFFICE - EVENING

Dr. Lilian Thurman (fifty-eight) is a beautiful older woman.

DR. THURMAN
Your mother said that you've been
skipping cycles of your medication.

DONNIE
I've been taking it. I just like to
make her feel guilty for all of this.
You know, abuse her. Psychologically.

DR. THURMAN
All of this... certainly isn't your
mother's fault, Donald.
18.

He is quiet for a moment.

DONNIE
So, I met a new friend.

DR. THURMAN
Would you like to talk about this
friend?

DONNIE
His name is Frank.

DR. THURMAN
Frank.

DONNIE
I think he saved my life.

DR. THURMAN
How so?

DONNIE
Don't you watch the news?

DR. THURMAN
I don't own a television.

DONNIE
A jet engine fell on my house...
landed on my bed. While I was talking
to Frank on the golf course.

Dr. Thurman looks at him for a long beat, analysing whether
or not he is telling her the truth.

DONNIE (CONT'D)
I'm not kidding.

Concerned, Dr. Thurman leans in closer.

DR. THURMAN
Frank... instructed you... to get
out of bed... just before this
happened.

DONNIE
He said to follow him.

DR. THURMAN
Follow him where?

DONNIE
Into the future.
(beat)
Then he said that the world was coming
to an end.
19.

He rubs his arm, where the numbers are still lightly drawn.

DR. THURMAN
Do you believe that the world is
coming to an end?

DONNIE
(long beat)
No.
(beat)
That's stupid.
Genres: ["Drama","Mystery","Sci-Fi"]

Summary Donnie and Eddie encounter Grandma Death on their drive home, who delivers a cryptic warning about death. Donnie shares this encounter with Dr. Thurman, along with his claims about following Frank into the future and the impending end of the world. Dr. Thurman expresses concern about Donnie's mental state, leaving him to grapple with the possibility of his own mortality and the impending apocalypse.
Strengths
  • Intriguing dialogue
  • Mysterious and suspenseful atmosphere
  • Well-developed characters
Weaknesses
  • Limited exploration of themes
  • Lack of intense conflict

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene effectively introduces several key elements of the story, including Grandma Death's enigmatic message, Donnie's encounter with Frank, and the mysterious jet engine incident. The dialogue is engaging and reveals important information about Donnie's medication, his relationship with his mother, and his belief in Frank's guidance. The scene creates a sense of tension and mystery, leaving the audience intrigued and wanting to know more.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of a mysterious figure named Frank guiding Donnie and warning him about the end of the world adds intrigue and suspense to the story. The introduction of Grandma Death and her cryptic message adds another layer of mystery and foreshadowing. The concept is well-executed and keeps the audience engaged.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene revolves around Donnie's encounter with Grandma Death, his conversation with Dr. Thurman about his medication and Frank, and the revelation of the jet engine incident. These plot points contribute to the overall mystery and set up important events that will unfold later in the story.

Originality: 9

This scene has a level of originality in its depiction of mysterious events and the protagonist's encounters with a 101-year-old woman. The dialogue feels authentic and the situation is fresh and intriguing.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters in the scene, particularly Donnie and Grandma Death, are intriguing and well-developed. Donnie's rebellious behavior and belief in Frank's guidance make him a compelling protagonist. Grandma Death's cryptic message adds depth to her character and raises questions about her role in the story.

Character Changes: 7

Donnie experiences a subtle character change in this scene as he becomes more open about his encounters with Frank and his belief in his guidance. This change sets the stage for his further development throughout the story.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to understand the mysterious events happening around him and make sense of his encounters with Frank. This reflects his deeper need for meaning and his fear of the unknown.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to help Grandma Death and ensure she receives her mail. This reflects the immediate circumstance of encountering her on the road and his desire to be helpful and kind.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

The conflict in the scene is primarily internal, as Donnie grapples with his belief in Frank and his frustration with his mother. There is also a sense of external conflict surrounding the mysterious jet engine incident. However, the conflict is not the central focus of the scene.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in this scene is strong, as the protagonist faces skepticism from Dr. Thurman regarding his experiences. The audience is unsure of how this conflict will be resolved.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes in the scene are relatively high, as Donnie's encounter with Frank and the jet engine incident hint at larger events and potential dangers. However, the full extent of the stakes is not fully revealed in this scene.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing important elements such as Grandma Death, Frank, and the jet engine incident. It also provides insights into Donnie's character and his relationships. Overall, the scene contributes to the overall progression of the story.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because it introduces unexpected events, such as a jet engine falling on the protagonist's house, and the mysterious encounters with Frank. The audience is left wondering what will happen next.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

There is a philosophical conflict evident in this scene between Donnie's belief in the world coming to an end and Dr. Thurman's skepticism. This challenges Donnie's beliefs and values, as he struggles to convince others of the truth he believes he has experienced.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes a sense of intrigue and curiosity, which creates an emotional impact on the audience. Donnie's frustration with his mother and his belief in Frank also add emotional depth to the scene. However, the emotional impact is not as strong as in other scenes in the screenplay.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys important information about the characters and their relationships. It also adds to the overall mystery and tension of the scene. The conversation between Donnie and Dr. Thurman is particularly engaging and reveals key insights into Donnie's beliefs and experiences.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it introduces mysterious elements, develops the protagonist's character, and creates tension between the characters. The dialogue is natural and the events are intriguing.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by balancing moments of tension and reflection. The dialogue and action flow smoothly, keeping the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre, with proper indentation, dialogue formatting, and scene descriptions. It is easy to read and understand.

Structure: 8

The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings, dialogue, and action lines. It effectively moves the story forward and introduces new elements.


Critique
  • The scene starts with a conversation between Eddie and Donnie in the car, but the dialogue feels a bit forced and lacks depth. It could benefit from more natural and meaningful conversation that reveals more about their relationship and the current situation.
  • The introduction of Grandma Death feels abrupt and out of place. There is no clear connection between her appearance and the rest of the scene, and her dialogue about dying alone feels disconnected from the previous conversation.
  • The transition to Dr. Thurman's office is also abrupt and lacks a smooth flow. It would be helpful to have a clearer transition or connection between the previous scene and the therapy session.
  • The dialogue between Donnie and Dr. Thurman feels a bit cliché and lacks depth. It would be more effective to explore Donnie's emotions and thoughts in a more nuanced and authentic way.
  • The scene ends with a vague statement from Donnie about the world coming to an end, which feels disconnected from the rest of the scene and leaves the reader with more questions than answers.
Suggestions
  • Consider rewriting the conversation between Eddie and Donnie to make it more meaningful and revealing of their relationship and the current situation.
  • Find a clearer and more meaningful way to introduce Grandma Death into the scene, or consider removing her altogether if she doesn't serve a clear purpose.
  • Work on creating a smoother transition between the different settings and scenes to improve the flow of the story.
  • Develop the dialogue between Donnie and Dr. Thurman to make it more authentic and nuanced, exploring Donnie's emotions and thoughts in a deeper way.
  • Provide more clarity and context to Donnie's statement about the world coming to an end to make it more impactful and connected to the rest of the scene.



Scene 8 -  Donnie's Journey Begins
INT. MIDDLESEX RIDGE SCHOOL - HALLWAY

In the empty school hallway... a gigantic tidal wave forms
in the distance and comes crashing towards us between the
lockers.

INT. FAMILY ROOM - NIGHT (EARLY TUESDAY MORNING, 2 A.M.)

Donnie lies on the couch... fast asleep. His eyes slowly
open.

There, standing in the corner of the room in the shadows is
Frank.

FRANK
Wake up, Donnie.

INT. MIDDLESEX RIDGE SCHOOL - NIGHT

In the dark school hallway, Donnie rounds the corner with a
flashlight, a can of spray paint, and an axe. Frank stands
in the same hallway where the tidal wave crashed.

INT. SCHOOL BASEMENT - NEXT

Donnie shines the flashlight through the basement. He
approaches some old piping.

Donnie puts the axe back over his shoulder and then lowers
it fiercely. The smashing of metal against metal echoes
through the huge room.

Title card:

OCTOBER 4 1988

EXT. BUS STOP - MORNING (7:45 A.M.)

The same group stands and waits for the bus. The guys smoke.

Cherita stands alone. Samantha is reading something to
Joanie.
20.

SAMANTHA
(reading)
"And then the prince was led into a
world of strange and beautiful magic."

JOANIE
Wow.

Donnie grabs the piece of paper from his sister.

DONNIE
(reading out loud)
"The Last Unicorn!" By Samantha Darko.

SAMANTHA
Donnie! Give it back!

He pushes her away.

SAMANTHA (CONT'D)
You're wrinkling it!

SEAN
Hey, it's 7:45. The bus shoulda been
here, like, twenty minutes ago.

RONALD
Maybe Martha Moo finally went nuts
and hijacked the bus.

SEAN
(excited)
You know, there's, like, this rule.
We get to go home at 7:55.

RONALD
There's no rule!

SEAN
Fuck yeah there is! If the bus doesn't
show up in thirty minutes, you're
supposed to go straight home.

DONNIE
Yeah... he's right. Because if we
keep waiting, some guy in a van might
pull up and try to molest us. And
then our parents could sue the school
board.

Everyone starts to get excited... looking down the road to
see if the bus is coming.

Sean's watch hits 7:55. No bus.
21.

SEAN
All right! 7:55. Everybody goes
home.

RONALD
Let's go to Donnie's house. His
parents are both at work.

The three guys begin walking.

DONNIE
Come on, Sam, you can call Joanie's
mom from home.

The two girls follow them. Cherita stands at the corner.

DONNIE (CONT'D)
Hey, Cherita... you should go home.

SEAN
Yeah, if you're still here and the
bus comes, we'll get in trouble.

CHERITA
Chut up.

SEAN
Hey, porky pig. I hope you get
molested!

Suddenly, Emily Bates (ten) and Susie Bates (eight) run up
to the bus stop.

EMILY
Hey! Our mom said that school is
cancelled today because it's flooded!

JOANIE
No... way.

A horrible expression appears on Donnie's face.
Genres: ["Drama","Mystery","Fantasy"]

Summary "Donnie's Dream:** Donnie witnesses a tidal wave crashing through his school hallway. **Donnie's Awakening:** Donnie wakes up on the couch to find Frank in his room. **Donnie's Mission:** Donnie, guided by Frank, enters the school at night to destroy a pipe in the basement. **Samantha's Story:** Donnie reads Samantha's story, "The Last Unicorn," on the bus stop. **Bus Delay:** The school bus is delayed, and the group decides to go home. **Donnie's Reaction:** Donnie reacts with disbelief and realizes the significance of the flooded school.
Strengths
  • Effective establishment of mystery and tension
  • Engaging dialogue that reveals character personalities and relationships
  • Intriguing plot points and questions raised
Weaknesses
  • Limited emotional impact due to brevity of the scene

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene effectively establishes a sense of mystery and tension through the presence of Frank and the cryptic messages. The dialogue is engaging and the interactions between the characters reveal their personalities and relationships. The scene also introduces important plot points and raises questions that intrigue the audience.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a mysterious figure named Frank appearing to Donnie and guiding him towards certain actions adds an intriguing supernatural element to the story. The scene also introduces the idea of time travel and the potential end of the world, which further adds to the mystery and raises questions about the nature of reality.

Plot: 9

The plot of the scene revolves around Donnie's encounters with Frank and his subsequent actions, such as vandalizing the school and smashing the metal piping. These actions create a sense of anticipation and raise questions about Donnie's motivations and the consequences of his actions.

Originality: 6

The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While the concept of strange occurrences and a protagonist uncovering the truth is not entirely unique, the inclusion of the tidal wave and the specific dialogue choices add freshness to the familiar situation. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue is believable and adds to the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The scene provides insights into the personalities and relationships of the characters, particularly Donnie, Samantha, Sean, and Ronald. Donnie's interactions with Frank and his defiance towards authority figures reveal his rebellious nature and his struggle with his mental health. Samantha's protective nature towards her sister and her close bond with Donnie are also evident. Sean and Ronald's teasing of Cherita highlights their immaturity and insensitivity.

Character Changes: 7

The scene does not depict significant character changes, but it does provide insights into the personalities and relationships of the characters. Donnie's rebellious nature and his struggle with his mental health are further established, while Samantha's protective nature and her close bond with Donnie are also evident.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to uncover the truth about the strange occurrences happening around him. This reflects his deeper desire for understanding and his fear of the unknown.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to go home after the bus doesn't arrive. This reflects the immediate circumstance of waiting for the bus and the challenge of potentially being in danger if they continue to wait.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The scene contains both internal and external conflicts. Donnie's internal conflict is evident in his struggle with his mental health and his defiance towards authority figures. The external conflict arises from the tension between Donnie and his peers, particularly Sean's insults towards Cherita. The conflict adds to the overall tension and raises the stakes for the characters.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in this scene is strong as the characters face the challenge of waiting for the bus and potentially being in danger. The audience is unsure of how the situation will unfold.

High Stakes: 8

The scene raises the stakes for the characters by introducing the concept of time travel and the potential end of the world. Donnie's actions, such as vandalizing the school and smashing the metal piping, also have potential consequences that add to the overall sense of tension and anticipation.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by introducing important plot points, such as Donnie's encounters with Frank and his subsequent actions. It raises questions and creates anticipation for the audience, driving them to continue watching to find out what will happen next.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because it introduces unexpected elements like the tidal wave and the cancellation of school. The audience is left wondering what will happen next and how the characters will react.

Philosophical Conflict: 0

There is no evident philosophical conflict in this scene.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes a range of emotions, including tension, intrigue, and humor. Donnie's interactions with Frank and his defiance towards authority figures create a sense of unease and anticipation. The humorous banter between the characters provides moments of levity. However, the emotional impact is somewhat limited due to the brevity of the scene.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue in the scene is engaging and reveals the personalities and relationships of the characters. The humorous banter between the characters, particularly Donnie's sarcastic remarks, adds levity to the tense atmosphere. The dialogue also effectively conveys important plot information and raises questions that intrigue the audience.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it introduces a mysterious and suspenseful situation, raises questions about the protagonist's role in the events, and creates anticipation for what will happen next.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by gradually building suspense and tension. The rhythm of the dialogue and the use of concise description create a sense of urgency.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It includes clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It introduces the setting, establishes the characters' goals, and builds suspense through dialogue and action.


Critique
  • The scene starts with a dramatic and visually striking image of a tidal wave crashing through the school hallway. While this image is attention-grabbing, it is not clear how it connects to the rest of the scene or the overall story.
  • The transition from the tidal wave to Donnie waking up on the couch feels abrupt and disjointed. It is not clear how these two events are related or what their significance is.
  • The presence of Frank in the corner of the room adds an element of mystery and intrigue, but it is not clear who Frank is or what his role is in the story at this point.
  • The scene then jumps to Donnie in the school hallway with a flashlight, spray paint, and an axe. It is not clear why Donnie is in the school or what his intentions are with these items.
  • The scene ends with a title card indicating the date, but it is not clear how this date is significant or how it relates to the rest of the story.
Suggestions
  • Clarify the connection between the tidal wave and the rest of the scene. Is it a dream or a vision? How does it relate to Donnie's journey?
  • Provide more context and explanation for the presence of Frank. Who is he and what is his role in the story?
  • Establish the motivation and purpose behind Donnie's actions in the school hallway. Why does he have a flashlight, spray paint, and an axe?
  • Consider integrating the date more seamlessly into the scene. How does it contribute to the overall narrative?
  • Ensure that each element of the scene serves a clear purpose and contributes to the overall story and character development.



Scene 9 -  School Chaos: Vandalism and Flooding
INT. MIDDLESEX RIDGE SCHOOL - MORNING

A janitor named Leroy (fifty-five) stands at the end of the
hall with Principal Cole. Water rushes past their feet down
the steps.

LEROY
I got twelve classrooms full of water.
All coming from a busted water main.

PRINCIPAL COLE
What else?
22.

LEROY
What else? Shit, Principal Cole,
you ain't gonna believe what else.

EXT. BACK COURTYARD - MORNING

They stand before the bronze Middlesex mongrel. Spray-painted
on the concrete before it is the phrase: THEY MADE ME DO IT.

There are papers strewn everywhere. Embedded in the head of
the mongrel is an axe.

PRINCIPAL COLE
Christ. Is that an axe?

LEROY
Yep.

PRINCIPAL COLE
How did this happen?

LEROY
(beat)
I guess they made him do it.

Leroy can't help himself. He has to laugh.

PRINCIPAL COLE
You're fired.

Principal Cole walks off.

EXT. BUS STOP 2 - EARLY MORNING (8:15 A.M.)

Donnie, Sean, Ronald, Samantha and Joanie, Emily and Susie
walk from their bus stop.

RONALD
School's closed! Everybody go home!

EMILY
Nu-huh.

SAMANTHA
Yeah-huh. A cat burglar broke him
and trashed everything.

Susie talks with Emily. Joanie and Samantha listen in.

EMILY
Mom said that the boys' locker room
looked like a swimming pool... and
that they found faeces everywhere.

SUSIE
What are faeces?
23.

EMILY
Baby mice.

SUSIE
Aww.

JOANIE
Oh my God, that is so grody.

EXT. BUS STOP 3 - NEXT

Sean looks down to another bus stop down the street.

SEAN
School's cancelled!

A bunch of young kids scream out... jumping up and down.

EXT. BUS STOP 4 - NEXT

Donnie approaches another corner alone. Ricky Danforth
(seventeen) and Seth Devlin (eighteen) stand with Gretchen.

SETH
(smoking a cigarette)
Has anyone ever told you that you're
sexy?

RICKY
I like your boobs.

Gretchen looks at them with disgust.

Donnie walks into the group.

DONNIE
Hey...

GRETCHEN
Hey...

DONNIE
School's cancelled.

They look at one another, surprised.

GRETCHEN
(to Donnie)
Wanna walk me home?

DONNIE
Sure.

They quickly begin to walk off. Seth and Ricky look off at
them, furious.
24.

GRETCHEN
Don't look so freaked.

DONNIE
I'm not. But you should check your
backpack 'cause those guys like to
steal shit.

GRETCHEN
Fuck them.

Gretchen smiles at Donnie, and then turns back and gives
them the middle finger.
Genres: ["Drama","Comedy"]

Summary Principal Cole faces a flooded school and vandalized statue, firing Leroy for laughter. Students spread rumors of a cat burglar and locker room vandalism. Donnie and Gretchen depart, angering Seth and Ricky.
Strengths
  • Effective combination of tension and humor
  • Introduction of new conflicts and plot developments
Weaknesses
  • Lack of high stakes
  • Limited emotional impact

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively combines tension and humor, creating an engaging and entertaining atmosphere. The introduction of the flooded school and the vandalized statue adds intrigue and raises questions about what happened.


Story Content

Concept: 7

The concept of a flooded school and the mysterious vandalism adds an element of mystery and sets up potential conflicts and plot developments.

Plot: 8

The plot progresses as the characters react to the flooded school and discuss the vandalism. The introduction of Gretchen and her interaction with Donnie adds a romantic subplot.

Originality: 6

The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While the concept of a flooded school and vandalized statue is not entirely unique, the specific details and the characters' reactions add freshness to the situation. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue contributes to the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 7

The characters are well-defined and their reactions to the situation are believable. Donnie's protective nature towards Gretchen and his defense of Cherita showcase his character traits.

Character Changes: 6

Donnie's protective nature towards Gretchen and his defense of Cherita show a slight change in his character as he becomes more assertive.

Internal Goal: 8

Leroy's internal goal in this scene is to inform Principal Cole about the unusual and disturbing events that have occurred in the school. This reflects Leroy's desire to fulfill his duty as a janitor and to ensure the safety and well-being of the school community.

External Goal: 7

Leroy's external goal in this scene is to report the flooded classrooms and the vandalized statue to Principal Cole. This reflects the immediate challenge of addressing the physical damage and potential threat to the school's reputation.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

There is a mild conflict between Donnie and the boys who make inappropriate comments towards Gretchen. The vandalism of the school also creates a sense of conflict.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in this scene is moderate. While there is no direct conflict between characters, the presence of the flooded school, vandalized statue, and the characters' reactions create a sense of opposition and potential danger.

High Stakes: 6

The stakes are relatively low in this scene, with the main focus being on the flooded school and the romantic tension between Donnie and Gretchen.

Story Forward: 7

The scene introduces new conflicts and plot developments, such as the romantic subplot between Donnie and Gretchen and the mystery surrounding the vandalism.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because it introduces a series of unusual and unexpected events, such as the flooded classrooms, vandalized statue, and the characters' reactions to these incidents. The audience is left wondering about the cause and consequences of these events.

Philosophical Conflict: 0

There is no evident philosophical conflict in this scene.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

The scene elicits mild emotions through the humor and the budding romance between Donnie and Gretchen.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is natural and reflects the characters' personalities. The humorous exchange between Donnie and Gretchen adds levity to the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it presents a series of intriguing and unexpected events that capture the audience's attention. The dialogue and actions of the characters create suspense and curiosity about what will happen next.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of this scene is effective in maintaining the audience's interest and building tension. The short and concise dialogue exchanges, as well as the quick transitions between different characters and locations, contribute to the scene's effectiveness.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It includes scene headings, character names, dialogue, and action descriptions in a clear and organized manner.

Structure: 8

The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It begins with an establishing shot and then moves into a series of short dialogue-driven scenes that introduce different characters and their reactions to the situation.


Critique
  • The scene starts with Leroy and Principal Cole discussing the flooding in the school due to a broken water main. While the dialogue provides necessary information, the scene lacks visual description and action, making it feel static and unengaging.
  • The discovery of the vandalized Middlesex mongrel statue with an axe embedded in its head is an intriguing visual, but the significance of this event is not explored further in the scene. It feels disconnected from the rest of the story.
  • The interaction between Leroy and Principal Cole lacks depth and emotional impact. Leroy's laughter after revealing the graffiti and axe feels out of place and undermines the seriousness of the situation. Principal Cole's decision to fire Leroy seems abrupt and lacks justification.
  • The introduction of the bus stop scene with Donnie and his friends is a sudden shift in focus without a clear connection to the previous events. The dialogue between the characters about school closure and rumors of vandalism lacks depth and fails to create meaningful conflict or tension.
  • The interaction between Donnie and Gretchen at the bus stop feels rushed and lacks emotional depth. Their decision to walk home together is not adequately motivated or explored.
  • The scene ends abruptly without a clear resolution or sense of purpose. The middle finger gesture from Gretchen towards Seth and Ricky feels forced and lacks impact.
Suggestions
  • Add more visual description and action to engage the reader and create a more dynamic scene. Show the flooding in the school and the vandalized statue in a way that conveys the gravity of the situation.
  • Develop the interaction between Leroy and Principal Cole to create a stronger emotional impact. Explore the consequences of Leroy's laughter and Principal Cole's decision to fire him.
  • Integrate the bus stop scene more seamlessly into the narrative by establishing a clearer connection to the previous events. Develop the dialogue between the characters to create more meaningful conflict and tension.
  • Deepen the interaction between Donnie and Gretchen at the bus stop to establish a stronger emotional connection. Explore their motivations for walking home together and develop their relationship further.
  • Provide a clearer resolution or purpose for the scene. Consider how the interaction between Donnie, Gretchen, Seth, and Ricky can contribute to the overall story and character development.
  • Consider revising the ending to create a stronger impact. Explore alternative ways for Gretchen to express her defiance towards Seth and Ricky that feel more authentic and meaningful.



Scene 10 -  A Shared Burden
EXT. NEIGHBOURHOOD STREET - NEXT (8:30 A.M.)

Donnie and Gretchen walk along the sidewalk together.

DONNIE
So... you just moved here?

GRETCHEN
Yeah. My parents got divorced. My
mom has a restraining order against
my stepdad.
(beat)
He has... emotional problems.

DONNIE
Oh, I... have those too.
(beat)
What kind of problems does your dad
have?

GRETCHEN
(long beat)
He stabbed my mom four times in the
chest.

Donnie is shocked.

DONNIE
Wow. Did he go to jail?

GRETCHEN
He fled. They still can't find him.
(beat)
My mom and I had to change our names
and stuff. I thought Gretchen sounded
kind of cool.

DONNIE
I'm sorry. I was in jail once.
(beat)
I accidentally burned down this house.
It was abandoned.
(MORE)
25.

DONNIE (CONT'D)
I got held back in school again.
Can't drive until I'm eighteen.
(babbling)
I think when I grow up I want to be
a painter. Or maybe a writer or
maybe both. Then I'll write a book
and draw the illustrations like a
comic book. You know, change things.

GRETCHEN
Donnie Darko is a cool name. Sounds
like a superhero.

DONNIE
What makes you think I'm not?

Gretchen smiles. She looks over at her house.

GRETCHEN
I should go. For physics. Monnitoff
says I have to write an essay on the
greatest invention ever to benefit
mankind.

DONNIE
That's easy. Antiseptics.

She gives him a look.

DONNIE (CONT'D)
I mean, the whole sanitation thing.
Joseph Lister... 1895. Before
antiseptics there was no sanitation,
especially in medicine.

GRETCHEN
You mean soap?

DONNIE
Don't knock soap. Without it, disease
would spread rapidly. If we ran out...
you and I would never live to see
the year 2000.

GRETCHEN
Wonder where we'll be then.

DONNIE
The best thing about soap is that
it's the only thing on earth that
can never get dirty. No matter what
crap you throw on it ...it always
rubs off. And there it is again...
perfect.
26.

GRETCHEN
Until it withers away.

She stares at him for a moment.

DONNIE
It's a good thing the school was
flooded today.

GRETCHEN
Why is that?

DONNIE
We never would have had this
conversation.

She smiles.

GRETCHEN
You're weird.

DONNIE
I'm sorry.

GRETCHEN
That was a compliment.

DONNIE
Will you go with me?

GRETCHEN
Where are we going?

DONNIE
No... I mean, will you GO with me?
That's like... what they call it
here. Going together.

GRETCHEN
(beat)
Sure.

She gets up and begins to walk up the hill.

DONNIE
Where are you going?

GRETCHEN
I'm going home.

Title card:

OCTOBER 6 1988
Genres: ["Drama","Romance"]

Summary Donnie and Gretchen bond over their traumatic pasts. Donnie reveals he was in jail for burning down an abandoned house, while Gretchen shares that her stepfather stabbed her mother and fled. Despite their shared experiences of loss and isolation, they find solace in each other's company and agree to go out together.
Strengths
  • Authentic and emotionally charged dialogue
  • Strong character development
  • Poignant exploration of past traumas
  • Compelling connection between Donnie and Gretchen
Weaknesses
  • Limited plot progression

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is highly effective in establishing the emotional depth and connection between the two main characters. The dialogue is poignant and reveals their vulnerabilities, creating a strong sense of empathy for their experiences.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of two damaged individuals finding solace in each other is a familiar one, but the scene executes it with authenticity and emotional resonance.

Plot: 7

The plot of the scene focuses on the developing relationship between Donnie and Gretchen, providing important character development and setting up their future interactions.

Originality: 9

This scene presents a fresh approach to the familiar theme of teenage romance by incorporating elements of trauma and personal history. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The scene delves deep into the characters of Donnie and Gretchen, revealing their troubled pasts and their desire for connection and understanding. Their dialogue and interactions feel genuine and compelling.

Character Changes: 8

Both Donnie and Gretchen experience a shift in their emotional state and perspective through their interaction. They find comfort and understanding in each other, which sets the stage for their future character arcs.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to connect with Gretchen and establish a bond. This reflects his deeper need for companionship and understanding, as well as his fear of being alone.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to spend more time with Gretchen and potentially start a romantic relationship. This reflects the immediate circumstances of their encounter and the challenge of navigating their personal histories.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 4

The conflict in the scene is primarily internal, as the characters grapple with their past traumas and their desire for connection. There is a sense of tension and vulnerability, but it is not overtly dramatic.

Opposition: 6

The opposition in this scene is not particularly strong, as the focus is more on the characters' personal histories and connection rather than external conflicts.

High Stakes: 5

The stakes in the scene are primarily emotional, as the characters open up about their past traumas and seek connection. While there is a sense of vulnerability, the immediate consequences are not high.

Story Forward: 6

The scene primarily focuses on character development and establishing the emotional connection between Donnie and Gretchen. While it doesn't significantly advance the overall plot, it sets the stage for future interactions and character growth.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because it reveals unexpected personal histories and challenges the audience's assumptions about the characters.

Philosophical Conflict: 0

There is no evident philosophical conflict in this scene.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene elicits a strong emotional response, as the characters share their painful pasts and find solace in each other. It evokes feelings of empathy, sadness, and hope.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue in the scene is introspective and emotionally charged, allowing the characters to reveal their inner thoughts and vulnerabilities. It effectively conveys their connection and establishes their unique voices.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it introduces two intriguing characters with complex backgrounds and establishes a connection between them through meaningful dialogue.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by allowing for pauses and beats that enhance the emotional impact of the characters' revelations.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre, with proper scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear dialogue exchanges and scene descriptions.


Critique
  • The dialogue between Donnie and Gretchen feels a bit forced and unnatural. The conversation jumps from one topic to another without much flow or depth.
  • The revelation of Gretchen's traumatic past and Donnie's criminal history feels rushed and lacks emotional impact. These are significant events that should be given more time and attention.
  • The scene lacks subtext and depth. The characters' emotions and motivations are not fully explored or developed.
  • The scene could benefit from more visual descriptions and actions to enhance the storytelling.
  • The transition from Gretchen giving the middle finger to the title card feels abrupt and disconnected.
Suggestions
  • Spend more time developing the conversation between Donnie and Gretchen. Allow the dialogue to flow naturally and delve deeper into their emotions and experiences.
  • Give Gretchen's revelation about her stepfather more weight and emotional impact. Allow the characters to react and process the information in a more realistic and meaningful way.
  • Consider adding more subtext and layers to the scene. Explore the characters' underlying motivations and desires to create a richer and more engaging interaction.
  • Include more visual descriptions and actions to enhance the storytelling. Show the characters' body language, facial expressions, and surroundings to add depth and texture to the scene.
  • Find a smoother and more organic way to transition from Gretchen giving the middle finger to the title card. Consider adding a moment of reflection or a meaningful action to bridge the gap.



Scene 11 -  Therapy Session and Class Disruptions
INT. THERAPIST'S OFFICE - EVENING (THURSDAY, 6 P.M.)

Dr. Thurman sits next to Donnie. His eyes are closed.
27.

DR. THURMAN
And when I clap my hands twice, you
will wake up. Do you understand?

DONNIE
Yes.

DR. THURMAN
So, tell me about your day, Donald.

DONNIE
I met a girl.

DR. THURMAN
What is her name?

DONNIE
Gretchen. We're going together now.

DR. THURMAN
Do you think a lot about girls?

DONNIE
Yes.

DR. THURMAN
How are things going at school?

DONNIE
I think about girls a lot.

DR. THURMAN
I asked you about school.

DONNIE
I think about.. Fucking a lot during
school.

DR. THURMAN
What else do you think about during
school?

DONNIE
I think... about... "Who's the Boss?"

DR. THURMAN
Who is the boss?

DONNIE
I just turn the volume down and think
about fucking Alyssa Milano.

DR. THURMAN
What about your family, Donnie?
28.

DONNIE
No, I don't think about fucking my
family. That's sick!

DR. THURMAN
Donnie... I want to hear about your
friend Frank.

Donnie is now undoing his belt. He is no longer paying
attention.

Dr. Thurman quickly claps her hands. Donnie jolts awake...
disoriented.

INT. ENGLISH CLASS - DAY (FRIDAY, 8:30 A.M.)

Donnie sits with his eyes wide open, staring at something.

POLICE OFFICER
(out of shot)
Aaron Armitage... Cherita Chen.

Donnie's face has gone white.

PRINCIPAL COLE
Donald Darko.

We reveal on the blackboard the phrase, "They made me do
it", written over and over again.

We reveal two Police Officers standing next to Principal
Cole in the corner of the classroom.

Donnie gets up and walks over to the board and writes the
phrase.

He then sits down again without hesitation.

The Police Officer hesitates for a moment, lingering over
Donnie's penmanship. He then places a '?' next to Donnie's
name on the roster. Ms. Pomeroy makes eye-contact with him.

INT. HEALTH CLASS - AFTERNOON (FRIDAY, 1 P.M.)

We pull back from a television: a cloud formation blows across
the screen revealing a logo that reads: CUNNING VISIONS
PRODUCTIONS.

A series of interviews follows.. infomercial style.

LINDA CONNIE
And what I realised was that my entire
life I was a victim of my own FEAR.
I was FEEDING FEAR WITH FOOD... and
finally... I looked in the mirror.
Not just IN THE MIRROR.
(MORE)
29.

LINDA CONNIE (CONT'D)
I looked THROUGH the mirror. And in
that image I saw my EGO REFLECTION.

Donnie's health class is assembled in uniform rows in front
of a television cart. Ms. Farmer paces in front of them.

SHANDA RIESMAN
(with her arm around
her geeky son)
...and for two years I thought it
was NORMAL for a fifteen-year-old to
wet the bed.

Laughter from the students.

MS. FARMER
QUIET!

SHANDA RIESMAN
(choking up)
We tried everything. But the solution
was there... all along.

LARRY RIESMAN
(burst out emotionally)
I'm not AFRAID anymore!

A montage of "family" imagery follows.

NARRATOR
All across America... people have
come together to join hands. People
who believe that human life is too
important... too valuable to be
controlled by FEAR.

A middle-aged man walks out onto a country patio. It is Jim
Cunningham... the guy from the golf course.

JIM CUNNINGHAM
Hello. My name is Jim Cunningham.
And welcome to "Controlling Fear".

The title CONTROLLING FEAR appears on the screen... followed
by PART ONE: ATTITUDINAL BELIEFS.

FRANK (V.O.)
Pay close attention, you could miss
something.

Donnie stares at the screen... at Jim Cunningham.
30.
Genres: ["Drama","Psychological Thriller"]

Summary In therapy, Donnie discusses meeting Gretchen and his views on girls and sex. Dr. Thurman attempts to guide the conversation, but Donnie's disinterest leads to him undoing his belt. She claps to awaken him, and the scene shifts to English class, where authorities mention names and Donnie writes 'They made me do it' on the blackboard. In health class, Donnie attentively watches interviews on overcoming fear, including one with Jim Cunningham.
Strengths
  • Effective portrayal of Donnie's disturbed thoughts and behavior
  • Intriguing introduction of Gretchen and the self-help infomercial
  • Building tension and unease
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue could be more nuanced and subtle

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is highly effective in creating a sense of unease and tension through Donnie's disturbing thoughts and behavior. It also introduces important plot elements and foreshadows future events. The self-help infomercial adds an intriguing layer to the story.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring a troubled teenager's psyche and his interactions with a mysterious figure like Frank is intriguing and sets up the psychological thriller aspect of the story.

Plot: 8

The plot progresses as Donnie's behavior becomes more erratic and he starts to exhibit signs of a troubled mind. The introduction of Gretchen adds a romantic subplot and the self-help infomercial hints at a larger conspiracy.

Originality: 5

The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While there are no unique situations or fresh approaches to familiar ones, the authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds a sense of realism to the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8

Donnie's character is complex and intriguing, with his disturbed thoughts and behavior. The introduction of Gretchen adds depth to the story and the self-help infomercial introduces Jim Cunningham as a significant character.

Character Changes: 7

Donnie's character undergoes a subtle change as he becomes more open about his disturbing thoughts and behavior. The introduction of Gretchen also hints at a potential change in his romantic life.

Internal Goal: 7

Donnie's internal goal in this scene is to navigate his thoughts and emotions, particularly in relation to his interactions with girls and his friend Frank. It reflects his deeper desires for connection and understanding, as well as his fears and confusion about his own thoughts and actions.

External Goal: 6

Donnie's external goal in this scene is not explicitly stated. However, it can be inferred that he is trying to navigate his interactions with authority figures, such as his therapist and the police officers in his school. This reflects the immediate circumstances and challenges he is facing in terms of his mental health and the potential consequences of his actions.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

There is a conflict between Donnie's disturbed thoughts and behavior and Dr. Thurman's attempts to understand and help him. The self-help infomercial also introduces the conflict between fear and control.

Opposition: 6

The opposition in this scene is not particularly strong. While there are some challenges and conflicts present, they are not presented in a way that creates significant suspense or uncertainty.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are raised as Donnie's behavior becomes more erratic and he starts to exhibit signs of a troubled mind. The introduction of Gretchen adds a romantic subplot and the self-help infomercial hints at a larger conspiracy.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing important plot elements, such as Gretchen and the self-help infomercial. It also deepens the understanding of Donnie's character and his disturbed state of mind.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because it presents unexpected and raw dialogue from the protagonist, revealing his inner thoughts and desires.

Philosophical Conflict: 0

There is no evident philosophical conflict in this scene.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a strong emotional response through Donnie's disturbing thoughts and behavior, as well as the tension between him and Dr. Thurman. The self-help infomercial adds an unsettling and thought-provoking element.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue effectively conveys Donnie's disturbed thoughts and behavior, as well as the tension between him and Dr. Thurman. The self-help infomercial dialogue is engaging and sets up the theme of controlling fear.

Engagement: 8

This scene is engaging because it reveals the protagonist's inner thoughts and emotions, creating a sense of intrigue and curiosity about his character.

Pacing: 7

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by alternating between moments of tension and introspection, creating a dynamic rhythm.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It includes proper indentation, dialogue formatting, and scene descriptions.

Structure: 8

The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It includes clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue.


Critique
  • The dialogue in this scene feels disjointed and lacks focus. Donnie's responses to Dr. Thurman's questions seem random and unrelated to the topic at hand.
  • Donnie's disinterest and distraction during the therapy session make it difficult for the audience to connect with his character and understand his motivations.
  • The transition from the therapy session to the English class feels abrupt and lacks a clear connection between the two scenes.
  • The introduction of the phrase 'They made me do it' on the blackboard feels forced and out of place. It is not clear why Donnie writes this phrase or what it signifies.
  • The scene in the health class with the interviews about overcoming fear feels disconnected from the rest of the scene and does not contribute to the overall narrative.
  • The use of voice-over narration from Frank adds an element of mystery, but it is not clear how it relates to Donnie's experiences or the larger story.
  • The scene lacks a clear sense of tension or conflict, making it difficult for the audience to stay engaged.
  • The visual elements in the scene, such as the cloud formation on the television and the montage of 'family' imagery, feel disconnected and do not enhance the storytelling.
  • The scene ends with Donnie staring at Jim Cunningham on the screen, but it is not clear what significance this has or how it will impact the story going forward.
Suggestions
  • Refocus the dialogue in the therapy session to provide more insight into Donnie's thoughts and feelings about his experiences with Frank and the impending end of the world.
  • Create a stronger connection between the therapy session and the English class, perhaps by having Donnie's thoughts about 'Who's the Boss?' tie into the themes of control and fear explored in the health class.
  • Reconsider the use of the phrase 'They made me do it' on the blackboard, or provide more context and explanation for its inclusion.
  • Streamline the scene in the health class to make it more relevant to the overall narrative and Donnie's character development.
  • Clarify the purpose and significance of Frank's voice-over narration, and how it relates to Donnie's experiences and the larger story.
  • Introduce more conflict or tension in the scene to keep the audience engaged and invested in Donnie's journey.
  • Reevaluate the visual elements in the scene to ensure they enhance the storytelling and contribute to the overall tone and atmosphere.
  • Provide a clearer sense of the impact of Donnie's stare at Jim Cunningham on the screen, and how it will shape his actions and decisions moving forward.



Scene 12 -  Target Practice and Smurf Discussions
EXT. OLD GUN RUINS - AFTERNOON (FRIDAY MAGIC HOUR, 4:30 P.M.)

The ruins of a brick chimney sit in the middle of a field.
Donnie, Sean and Ronald have lined up several empty beer
bottles, cans and stuffed animals on the hearth.

They take turns blasting these targets with a BB gun.

Blam! A can falls over. Ronald hands the gun to Donnie. Sean
pulls out a bottle of Raspberry Night Train and takes a sip.
He hands the bottle to Ronald.

RONALD
What is this shit?

SEAN
Raspberry.

He takes a big sip... which results in a dry heave.

RONALD
Raspberry. That's good shit.

Donnie aims the crosshairs on Smurfette's head. He pulls the
trigger. Smurfette falls over.

RONALD (CONT'D)
Wicked.

SEAN
No more fuckin' for her.

RONALD
Smurfette doesn't fuck.

SEAN
Bullshit. Smurfette fucks all the
other smurfs. That's why Papa Smurf
made her, 'cause the other smurfs
were getting too horny.

RONALD
Not Vanity. He's a homo.

Blam! A bottle shatters.

SEAN
Then she fucks 'em all while Vanity
watches. And Papa Smurf films it.

Ronald takes another sip of Night Train... followed by another
dry heave. Blam! A bottle breaks.

DONNIE
First of all... Papa Smurf didn't
create Smurfette. Gargamel did.
(MORE)
31.

DONNIE (CONT'D)
She was sent in as Gargemel's evil
spy, with the intention of destroying
the smurf village. But the
overwhelming Goodness of the Smurf
Way of Life transformed her into the
Smurfette we all know and love. And
as for the whole gang-bang scenario...
it just couldn't happen. Smurfs are
asexual. They probably don't even
have reproductive organs down there
under those little white pants. The
only reason they exist is because of
magic spells and witchcraft... which
is all a bunch of bullshit if you
ask me.
(beat)
That's what's so illogical about the
smurfs... what's the point of living
if you don't have a dick?

Donnie aims the gun... pulls the trigger. Blam! A bottle
breaks.

RONALD
Dammit, Donnie! Why do you always
gotta get all smart on us!

Donnie takes the bottle of Night Train and takes a small
sip.

Their conversation is interrupted by the squealing of tyres.
Genres: ["Drama","Comedy"]

Summary Donnie, Sean, and Ronald shoot at targets with a BB gun. They drink Raspberry Night Train and discuss Smurfette's sexual activities. Donnie corrects their misconceptions about the Smurfs. Their conversation ends abruptly with the sound of squealing tires.
Strengths
  • Witty dialogue
  • Humorous banter
  • Satirical social commentary
Weaknesses
  • Lack of significant plot development
  • Low emotional impact

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene is well-written and engaging, providing humor and satirical commentary on societal norms. The dialogue is witty and the characters' interactions are entertaining.


Story Content

Concept: 7

The concept of teenage boys engaging in target practice with a BB gun while discussing philosophical topics and questioning societal norms is unique and interesting.

Plot: 6

The plot in this scene is not the main focus, but it serves as a backdrop for the characters' conversations and the introduction of the Smurf philosophy theme.

Originality: 6

The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While the concept of characters engaging in shooting targets and having casual conversations is not unique, the specific topic of the Smurfs and the protagonist's argument about their origins adds a fresh approach to familiar situations. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue contributes to the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters in this scene are well-developed and their interactions are entertaining. Donnie stands out with his philosophical insights and sarcastic wit.

Character Changes: 2

There is minimal character change in this scene. It mainly serves to establish the characters' personalities and dynamics.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to assert his knowledge and intelligence by correcting his friends' misconceptions about the Smurfs. It reflects his desire to be seen as knowledgeable and to challenge the beliefs of others.

External Goal: 6

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is not explicitly stated. However, it can be inferred that it is to have fun and enjoy the activity of shooting targets with his friends.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 4

The conflict in this scene is minimal. It mainly revolves around the characters' differing opinions and sarcastic banter.

Opposition: 6

The opposition in this scene is not strong. The characters' conversation is more of a playful argument rather than a significant obstacle or challenge. The audience can anticipate the outcome of the shooting activity.

High Stakes: 2

The stakes in this scene are low. It mainly focuses on the characters' conversations and philosophical musings.

Story Forward: 5

The scene provides some background information and introduces the theme of questioning societal norms, but it doesn't significantly move the main story forward.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because it introduces unexpected topics of conversation, such as the origins of the Smurfs and the protagonist's argument against their existence. The audience may not anticipate the direction of the dialogue.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

There is a philosophical conflict evident in this scene between the protagonist's belief in logic and reason versus his friends' more casual and uninformed beliefs. This conflict challenges the protagonist's worldview and his need to assert his intelligence.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 3

The emotional impact in this scene is low. It focuses more on humor and satire rather than eliciting strong emotions.

Dialogue: 10

The dialogue in this scene is witty, humorous, and satirical. It showcases the characters' personalities and provides social commentary.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it combines humor, banter, and a playful argument between the characters. The dialogue and actions keep the audience entertained and interested in the outcome of the shooting activity.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by maintaining a steady rhythm between the characters' dialogue and actions. It keeps the scene engaging and allows for comedic timing.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It includes scene headings, character names, dialogue, and action descriptions.

Structure: 8

The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It begins with an establishing shot, introduces the characters, and progresses through their dialogue and actions.


Critique
  • The scene starts with the ruins of a brick chimney in a field, but it is not clear where this location is in relation to the previous scenes or how it relates to the overall story.
  • The dialogue between Donnie, Sean, and Ronald feels disconnected from the rest of the script and does not contribute to the development of the characters or the plot.
  • The conversation about the Smurfs and their sexual activities feels out of place and does not add any depth or meaning to the scene or the story as a whole.
  • The transition from the conversation to the sound of squealing tires is abrupt and lacks a clear connection to the previous dialogue or the following scene.
  • Overall, this scene feels disjointed and does not contribute to the overall narrative or character development.
Suggestions
  • Consider reevaluating the purpose of this scene and how it fits into the larger story. Is there a way to make it more relevant and meaningful?
  • Develop the dialogue between Donnie, Sean, and Ronald to better reflect their personalities and relationships. Make sure the conversation contributes to their character development or the overall plot.
  • If the conversation about the Smurfs is meant to be a metaphor or symbolic of something in the story, make it more clear and integrated into the scene and the script as a whole.
  • Smooth out the transition between the conversation and the sound of squealing tires to create a more cohesive and seamless flow between scenes.
  • Consider removing or reworking this scene if it does not serve a clear purpose or contribute to the overall narrative.



Scene 13 -  Unsettling Nightfall
EXT. OLD GUN ROAD - NEXT (MAGIC HOUR, 5 P.M.)

Down the hill, a Dodge minivan is stopped on Old Gun Road.

Grandma Death is once again in the middle of the street.

DONNIE
Grandma Death.

Ms. farmer leans her head out of the window.

MS. FARMER
Excuse me!

Grandma Death doesn't hear her. She wanders around in circles.

Furious, Ms. Farmer gets out of the car and walks over to
the old woman, walking her by the shoulders back to her
driveway.

MS. FARMER (CONT'D)
Please stay out of the road, Ms.
Sparrow. If this happens again, I'm
going to call social services.
32.

Ms. Farmer gets back behind the wheel and they drive off.

Grandma Death lurks around her mailbox.

RONALD
How old is Grandma Death?

DONNIE
A hundred and one, I think. Every
day she does the same thing. But
there's never any mail.

Grandma Death approaches the mailbox.

SEAN
Here we go... this could be it.

She opens it... then closes it. Walks away.

RONALD
Awwww. That sucks.

She approaches the box again...

SEAN
Wait a minute... we may still have
mail...

Opens it... closes it. Walks away.

RONALD
Noooo!

They continue to watch her, sipping liquor into the sunset,
as Grandma Death repeats this act like an ancient wind-up
doll.

INT. FAMILY ROOM - EVENING (FRIDAY, 7 P.M.)

Donnie lies on the couch watching television... where there
is a news story about the flooded school. Several construction
workers are packing up their things.

INT. UPSTAIRS BATHROOM - MOMENTS LATER (7:15 P.M.)

Looking nauseous, Donnie opens the medicine cabinet and
retrieves his pills. He takes four of them. Donnie takes a
drink of water, closing his eyes. He puts the pills back and
closes the cabinet.

In the mirror's reflection is Frank. Donnie jumps.

FRANK
You got away with it. Don't worry.
33.

Donnie reaches his hand out towards Frank and it presses
against an invisible wall, as if he were pressing his hand
against liquid glass.

DONNIE
How can you do that?

FRANK
I can do anything I want... and so
can you...

Donnie stares closely at Frank. He then removes his hands
and moves back away from him.

EXT. MIDDLESEX SCHOOL AUDITORIUM - EVENING (7:15 P.M.)

A sign reads: EMERGENCY PTA MEETING TONIGHT.

INT. AUDITORIUM - EVENING (7:15 P.M.)

Parents and teachers convene in front of the auditorium
entrance.

Kitty Farmer hands out Xeroxed images of something.

Eddie and Rose chit-chat with other concerned parents.

Ms. Pomeroy approaches Kitty Farmer.

MS. POMEROY
What are you trying to accomplish
here?

MS. FARMER
(indignant)
There was urine and faeces flooded
in my office.

INT. AUDITORIUM - LATER ON

The crowd settles... Principal Cole takes the stage.

PRINCIPAL COLE
In co-operation with the county
police, we have begun an active
investigation into the cause of the
flooding... and our suspects include
several of our own students.

Kitty Farmer stands up in her seat near the front row.

MS. FARMER
I want to know why this FILTH is
being taught to our children.

The crowd stirs.
34.

PRINCIPAL COLE
Kitty, I would appreciate... if you
could wait...

MS. FARMER
Mr. Cole... not only am I a TEACHER...
but I am also a PARENT of a Middlesex
child. Therefore, I am the ONLY
person here who transcends the parent-
teacher bridge.

PRINCIPAL COLE
Kitty...

MS. FARMER
The bottom line... Mr. Cole... is
that there is material being taught
to our children that is cause for
this destructive behaviour.

She stands up.

MS. FARMER (CONT'D)
I have in my hand Graham Greene's
"The Destructors". This short story
is part of my daughter's English
assignment. In this story, several
children destroy an elderly man's
house from inside out. They destroy
his house without motive, without
moral consequence. They destroy
private property ...and they get
away with it.

Ms. Pomeroy shakes her head bitterly.

MS. FARMER (CONT'D)
And how do they do this? They FLOOD
the house... by breaking through the
water main!

PRINCIPAL COLE
(trying to calm her)
This meeting of the PTA was called
to inform the parents of our ongoing
investigation...

MS. FARMER
(enraged)
I AM THE PTA! And I say that this
FILTH is directly related to this
vandalism.

Applause from the crowd.
35.

MS. FARMER (CONT'D)
I think this garbage should be
removed.

Several shouts of approval come from the crowd.
Genres: ["Drama","Mystery","Fantasy"]

Summary In a unsettling evening, Grandma Death wanders aimlessly, sparking concerns from Ms. Farmer. Donnie struggles with hallucinations, while at the PTA meeting, Kitty Farmer accuses a book of causing a school flood.
Strengths
  • Building tension and mystery
  • Effective dialogue and conflicts
  • Introducing new mysteries and conflicts
Weaknesses
  • Lack of strong emotional impact
  • No significant character changes

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively builds tension and mystery through the actions of Grandma Death and the heated PTA meeting. The dialogue and conflicts between characters create a sense of intrigue and anticipation.


Story Content

Concept: 7

The concept of Grandma Death's repetitive behavior and the PTA meeting discussing the school flooding adds depth and complexity to the story.

Plot: 8

The plot progresses as Grandma Death's behavior is observed and the PTA meeting reveals the investigation into the school flooding. The scene sets up future conflicts and mysteries.

Originality: 6

The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While the situation of watching an elderly person's repetitive behavior is not entirely unique, the specific details and dialogue add authenticity to the characters' actions and make the scene feel fresh.


Character Development

Characters: 7

The characters' actions and dialogue contribute to the tension and mystery of the scene. Grandma Death's repetitive behavior and the passionate outburst of Kitty Farmer add depth to their personalities.

Character Changes: 6

There are no significant character changes in this scene.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to observe and understand the behavior of Grandma Death. This reflects their curiosity and desire to make sense of the world around them.

External Goal: 6

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to watch Grandma Death and see if she receives any mail. This reflects their interest in the mundane and their desire for something out of the ordinary to happen.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict between Kitty Farmer and Principal Cole during the PTA meeting creates tension and raises questions about the school's handling of the flooding incident.

Opposition: 4

The opposition in this scene is not particularly strong. The conflict between Ms. Farmer and Grandma Death is resolved quickly and does not create significant obstacles for the protagonist.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are raised as the investigation into the school flooding implicates students and the tension between parents and the school administration escalates.

Story Forward: 8

The scene introduces new mysteries and conflicts, advancing the overall story.

Unpredictability: 5

This scene is unpredictable because the audience does not know if Grandma Death will receive any mail or if something unexpected will happen.

Philosophical Conflict: 0

There is no evident philosophical conflict in this scene.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

The scene evokes curiosity and anticipation, but does not elicit strong emotional responses.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue effectively conveys the tension and conflict between characters, especially during the PTA meeting. The characters' words reveal their motivations and beliefs.

Engagement: 7

This scene is engaging because it presents relatable characters and situations, and creates anticipation through the repetition of Grandma Death's actions.

Pacing: 7

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by alternating between slower moments of observation and faster moments of dialogue and action.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It includes scene headings, character names, and dialogue in the correct format.

Structure: 8

The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It establishes the setting, introduces the characters, and progresses the narrative.


Critique
  • The scene starts with Grandma Death wandering in the street, but it is not clear why this is significant or how it relates to the overall story.
  • The interaction between Ms. Farmer and Grandma Death feels disconnected from the rest of the scene and does not contribute to the development of the characters or the plot.
  • The repeated actions of Grandma Death checking her mailbox without finding any mail are repetitive and do not add depth to the scene.
  • The transition to Donnie lying on the couch watching television feels abrupt and disjointed.
  • The news story about the flooded school is mentioned, but it is not clear how this connects to the previous events or the overall story.
  • The conversation between Donnie, Sean, and Ronald at the ruins of the brick chimney lacks depth and does not contribute to the development of the characters or the plot.
  • The scene ends with the sound of squealing tires, but it is not clear what this signifies or how it relates to the rest of the scene.
Suggestions
  • Consider reworking the opening of the scene to establish a clearer connection to the previous events and the overall story.
  • Develop the interaction between Ms. Farmer and Grandma Death to provide more context and relevance to the scene.
  • Find a way to make the repeated actions of Grandma Death checking her mailbox more meaningful and impactful.
  • Smooth out the transition between the different parts of the scene to create a more cohesive narrative flow.
  • Connect the news story about the flooded school to the previous events or the overall story to create a stronger sense of continuity.
  • Give the conversation between Donnie, Sean, and Ronald more depth and purpose to contribute to the development of the characters and the plot.
  • Provide more clarity and significance to the ending of the scene to create a stronger sense of closure or anticipation for the next scene.



Scene 14 -  October 13, 1988
INT. UPSTAIRS BATHROOM - EVENING

Donnie continues to converse with Frank.

DONNIE
Why did you make me flood the school?

FRANK
We just want to guide you in the
right direction.

DONNIE
Who is... we?

FRANK
You'll know soon enough.

DONNIE
(desperate)
Where did you come from?

FRANK
(beat)
Do you believe in time travel, Donnie?

A moment of silence.

SAMANTHA
Who are you talking to?

Donnie turns to see Samantha is standing in the doorway.
Frank is gone.

INT. AUDITORIUM - NIGHT

A heated debate among the parents is under way. Frustrated,
Rose stands up. Karen Pomeroy is furious.

ROSE
Excuse me... but what is the real
issue here? The PTA doesn't ban
books from school.

MS. FARMER
The PTA is here to acknowledge that
there is pornography in our school's
curriculum.

MS. POMEROY
(standing up)
My GOD... woman, are you drunk?
36.

MS. FARMER
Excuse me? You need to go back to
grad school.

ROSE
(to Kitty)
Do you even know who Graham Greene
is?

MS. FARMER
(to Rose)
I think we've all seen "Bonanza".

Ms. Pomeroy is disgusted. Rose and Eddie burst out laughing,
grab their coats, and leave.

EXT. WIZARD'S ARCADE - AFTERNOON (SATURDAY, 1 P.M.)

Donnie and Gretchen play a Sega race-car driving game. Donnie
drives a souped-up red Ferrari through the Grand Canyon.

GRETCHEN
So when you sleepwalk, can you
remember afterward? Like, do you
dream?

DONNIE
No. I just wake up and I look around,
try to figure out where I am... how
I got there.

GRETCHEN
My dad said never wake a
sleepwalker... because they could
drop dead.

The Trans-Am crashes head on into a tree. Game Over.

DONNIE
It's like this big force... that's
in your brain. But sometimes it grows
bigger... and it spread down into
your arms and legs... and it just
sends you someplace.

GRETCHEN
So when you sleepwalk, you go
somewhere familiar?

DONNIE
No. Every time I wake up somewhere
different. Sometimes my bike is
laying there next to me. Like once
when I woke up on the edge of this
cliff up on Carpathian Ridge.
37.

GRETCHEN
And you'd never been there before?

They sit silently for a moment.

GRETCHEN (CONT'D)
Donnie?

DONNIE
Yeah?

GRETCHEN
Do you ever feel as though there's
always someone watching you?

DONNIE
Why?

GRETCHEN
Well... maybe someone is, like...
giving you these dream steroids. And
sleepwalking ...is someone showing
you the way.

Title card:

OCTOBER 13 1988
Genres: ["Drama","Mystery","Comedy"]

Summary Donnie seeks answers from Frank in the bathroom. At an auditorium meeting, parents clash over banning books. Gretchen and Donnie connect at the arcade, discussing sleepwalking and the possibility of guided experiences.
Strengths
  • Engaging plot
  • Well-developed characters
  • Balancing humor and tension
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue could be more impactful

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is engaging and introduces several important plot points and conflicts. It balances humor and tension effectively.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of time travel and the mysterious events surrounding Donnie's life are intriguing and keep the audience engaged.

Plot: 9

The plot progresses significantly in this scene, with the introduction of new conflicts and the revelation of important information.

Originality: 6

The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While there are no unique situations or fresh approaches to familiar ones, the authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds a sense of realism.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-developed and their interactions reveal their personalities and motivations.

Character Changes: 8

Donnie's character undergoes changes as he becomes more aware of the mysterious events happening around him.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to understand the mysterious figure, Frank, and the purpose behind his actions. This reflects Donnie's curiosity and desire for answers.

External Goal: 6

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is not clearly defined. The immediate circumstances or challenges they're facing are not explicitly mentioned.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

There are multiple conflicts in the scene, including the PTA meeting, Donnie's therapy session, and the revelation of the flooded school.

Opposition: 5

The opposition in this scene is not strong, as there are no significant obstacles or conflicts that the protagonist faces.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high as Donnie's actions and the mysterious events could have significant consequences.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward significantly, introducing new conflicts and advancing the plot.

Unpredictability: 6

This scene is unpredictable because of the sudden appearance and disappearance of Frank, as well as the mysterious conversation about time travel.

Philosophical Conflict: 0

There is no evident philosophical conflict in this scene.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene elicits a range of emotions, from humor to tension, but may not have a deep emotional impact.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is natural and reveals important information about the characters and their relationships.

Engagement: 7

This scene is engaging because it introduces mysterious elements and raises questions about the protagonist's experiences and the presence of Frank.

Pacing: 7

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by alternating between moments of dialogue and moments of silence, creating tension and intrigue.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre, with proper indentation, dialogue tags, and action lines.

Structure: 8

The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings and dialogue formatting.


Critique
  • The conversation between Donnie and Frank in the bathroom lacks clarity and purpose. It is not clear why Frank made Donnie flood the school and who 'we' refers to. This lack of clarity makes the scene confusing and leaves the audience with unanswered questions.
  • The transition from the bathroom conversation to the auditorium meeting feels abrupt and disjointed. There is no clear connection between the two scenes, and it is unclear why the focus shifts from Donnie and Frank to the parents' debate about banning books.
  • The dialogue in the auditorium scene is filled with unnecessary insults and lacks depth. The arguments between Rose and Ms. Farmer feel forced and do not contribute to the overall story or character development.
  • The scene at the arcade between Donnie and Gretchen lacks a clear purpose or direction. The conversation about sleepwalking and dream steroids feels disconnected from the rest of the story and does not add depth to the characters or advance the plot.
  • The scene ends abruptly with a title card indicating the date, leaving the audience without a clear resolution or sense of closure.
Suggestions
  • Clarify the purpose and motivations behind Frank's actions and the conversation in the bathroom. Provide more context and explanation to help the audience understand the significance of these events.
  • Smoothly transition between scenes to create a more cohesive narrative flow. Find a stronger connection between the bathroom conversation and the parents' meeting to create a more seamless transition.
  • Revise the dialogue in the auditorium scene to make it more meaningful and relevant to the overall story. Focus on developing the characters and their conflicts in a more nuanced and authentic way.
  • Reevaluate the scene at the arcade and consider how it can better serve the story and character development. Connect the conversation about sleepwalking and dream steroids to the larger themes and plot of the screenplay.
  • Provide a more satisfying ending to the scene that offers resolution or sets up the next narrative beat. Consider adding a moment of reflection or decision for the characters to create a sense of closure.



Scene 15 -  Donnie Darko's Classroom Confrontations
INT. ENGLISH CLASS - MORNING (THURSDAY, 8 A.M.)

Donnie stands in front of the class. Ms. Pomeroy sits behind
her desk. On the chalkboard is "Poetry Day".

DONNIE
"A storm is coming, Frank says. A
storm that will swallow the
children... and I will deliver them
from the kingdom of pain."
(beat)
"I will deliver the children to their
doorsteps. I will send the monsters
back to the underground. I will send
them back to a place where no one
can see them ...except for me. Because
I am Donnie Darko."

Donnie returns to his seat. Ms. Pomeroy stares at him
intensely.

MS. POMEROY
Who is Frank?

DONNIE
A six-foot-tall bunny rabbit.

The class begins to laugh. Donnie looks over at Gretchen.
38.

INT. HEALTH CLASS - AFTERNOON (THURSDAY, 1 P.M.)

Ms. Farmer stands next to the television where Jim Cunningham
narrates the Lifeline tutorial.

JIM CUNNINGHAM
And so, let us begin Lifeline Exercise
No. 1.

"PLEASE PRESS STOP NOW" appears on the screen.

Ms. Farmer stops the tape and moves to the blackboard. On
it, she has drawn a horizontal line book-ended by the words
"Love" and "Fear".

MS. FARMER
As you can see, the Lifeline is
controlled by two polar extremes:
"Fear" and "Love". Fear is in the
negative energy spectrum. Love is
in the positive energy spectrum.

SEAN
(to Donnie)
No duh.

MS. FARMER
Excuse me?
(defensive)
"No duh" is a product of fear.

She stares them down for a moment... shaking her head.

MS. FARMER (CONT'D)
(handing out cards)
Now, on each card is a CHARACTER
DILEMMA which applies to the Lifeline.
Please read each character dilemma
aloud... and place an X on the
Lifeline in the appropriate place.

The students read their cards.

KITTY FARMER
We'll start in the front.

Cherita Chen stands up and walks over to the blackboard.
Ms. Farmer pulls up large white cards that have black-and-
white animated cartoons on them.

CHERITA
Juanita has an important maths test
today. She has known about the test
for several weeks, but has not
studied.
(MORE)
39.

CHERITA (CONT'D)
In order to keep from failing her
class, Juanita decides that she will
cheat on the maths test.

Cherita places an X near the "Fear" end of the lifeline.

MS. FARMER
Good. Next.

Donnie watches as several more students interpret their
respective human dilemmas.

Finally... it is his turn.

DONNIE
Ling Ling finds a wallet on the ground
filled with money. She takes the
wallet to the address on the driver's
license but keeps the money inside
the wallet.

Donnie looks at the blackboard.

DONNIE (CONT'D)
I'm sorry, Ms. Farmer, I just don't
get this.

MS. FARMER
(impatient)
Just place an X in the appropriate
place on the Lifeline.

DONNIE
I just don't get this. Everything
can't be lumped into two categories.
That's too simple.

MS. FARMER
The Lifeline is divided that way.

DONNIE
Well, life isn't that simple. So
what if Ling Ling kept the cash and
returned the wallet? That has nothing
to do with either fear or love.

MS. FARMER
(impatient)
Fear and love are the deepest of
human emotions.

DONNIE
Well, yeah... OK, but you're not
listening to me.
(MORE)
40.

DONNIE (CONT'D)
There are other things that need to
be taken into account here. Like the
whole spectrum of human emotion.
You're just lumping everything into
these two categories... and, like,
denying everything else.

Ms. Farmer stares at Donnie vehemently. She can't believe
what she's hearing.

DONNIE (CONT'D)
People aren't that simple.

MS. FARMER
(not knowing how to
argue with him)
If you don't complete the assignment,
you'll get a zero for the day.

Donnie thinks for a moment... and then raises his hand.
Genres: ["Drama","Mystery","Sci-Fi"]

Summary In English class, Donnie recites a poem about delivering children from pain. Ms. Pomeroy inquires about 'Frank,' whom Donnie identifies as a six-foot-tall bunny rabbit. Later, in health class, Donnie challenges Ms. Farmer's 'Lifeline' exercise and the oversimplification of categorizing emotions into fear and love, leading to a tense exchange and a warning of zero marks if he doesn't complete the assignment.
Strengths
  • Thought-provoking dialogue
  • Exploration of complex emotions
  • Challenging binary categorization
Weaknesses
  • Lack of immediate conflict or high stakes

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively explores the complexities of human emotions and challenges the simplistic categorization of fear and love. The dialogue is thought-provoking and engages the audience in questioning the limitations of binary thinking.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of exploring the spectrum of human emotions and challenging binary categorization is innovative and thought-provoking.

Plot: 7

The plot in this scene is not the main focus, but it sets up the conflict between Donnie and Ms. Farmer, which will likely have consequences later in the story.

Originality: 7

The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While the concept of exploring the complexity of human emotions is not entirely unique, the specific dialogue and conflicts presented in the scene offer a fresh approach to the topic. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters in this scene, particularly Donnie and Ms. Farmer, are well-developed and their interactions reveal their personalities and beliefs.

Character Changes: 6

There is a slight change in Donnie's behavior as he challenges Ms. Farmer's categorization of human emotions.

Internal Goal: 8

Donnie's internal goal in this scene is to express his belief that life is more complex than the binary categories of fear and love. This reflects his deeper desire for understanding and his fear of oversimplification.

External Goal: 7

Donnie's external goal in this scene is to complete the assignment and avoid getting a zero for the day. This reflects the immediate challenge he faces in the classroom.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

There is a mild conflict between Donnie and Ms. Farmer regarding the categorization of human emotions, but it is not the central conflict of the scene.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in this scene is strong as Donnie challenges Ms. Farmer's beliefs and faces potential consequences for his actions.

High Stakes: 5

The stakes in this scene are relatively low, as it primarily focuses on philosophical and emotional exploration rather than immediate danger or consequences.

Story Forward: 6

The scene sets up a conflict between Donnie and Ms. Farmer, which may have future consequences in the story.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because it introduces unexpected conflicts and challenges the audience's expectations of how the characters will respond.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the clash between Donnie's belief in the complexity of human emotions and Ms. Farmer's adherence to the binary categorization of fear and love. This challenges Donnie's beliefs, values, and worldview.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes a sense of thoughtfulness and introspection, but does not elicit strong emotional reactions.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue in this scene is engaging and thought-provoking, challenging the audience's perspective on human emotions and categorization.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it presents conflicts and tensions between characters, explores deeper philosophical themes, and challenges conventional wisdom.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by allowing for moments of tension and reflection, as well as providing opportunities for character development.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It includes scene headings, character names, dialogue, and action descriptions.

Structure: 8

The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It begins with a clear setting and introduces the characters and their goals. The conflicts and tensions are developed through dialogue and actions.


Critique
  • The scene starts with Donnie reciting a poem in front of the class, which seems out of place and disconnected from the rest of the script. It's not clear why Donnie is reciting this poem or how it relates to the overall story.
  • The dialogue between Donnie and Ms. Pomeroy feels forced and unnatural. The exchange about Frank being a six-foot-tall bunny rabbit comes across as awkward and doesn't add much to the scene.
  • The transition to the health class feels abrupt and disjointed. There is no clear connection between the English class scene and the health class scene, and it's unclear why the Lifeline exercise is being introduced at this point in the story.
  • The dialogue in the health class scene is heavy-handed and lacks subtlety. The characters' reactions to the exercise and their discussions about fear and love feel forced and didactic.
  • The scene ends without any resolution or development of the conflicts introduced earlier in the script. It feels like a disconnected and incomplete scene.
Suggestions
  • Consider reworking the opening of the scene to better connect it to the previous scenes and establish a clear purpose for Donnie reciting the poem.
  • Revise the dialogue between Donnie and Ms. Pomeroy to make it more natural and meaningful. Explore ways to make the conversation about Frank more relevant to the story.
  • Reconsider the transition to the health class scene and find a more seamless way to introduce the Lifeline exercise. Make sure the exercise serves a clear purpose in the overall narrative.
  • Rewrite the dialogue in the health class scene to make it more subtle and nuanced. Find ways to explore the themes of fear and love in a more organic and authentic manner.
  • Develop the conflicts introduced earlier in the script and provide some resolution or progression in this scene. Make sure the scene contributes to the overall story and character development.



Scene 16 -  Uncomfortable Encounter
INT. PRINCIPAL COLE'S OFFICE - AFTERNOON (2 P.M.)

Donnie and his parents sit in front of Principal Cole.

PRINCIPAL COLE
Donald... let me preface this by
saying that your Iowa scores are...
(looking down at the
file)
...intimidating.
(rubbing his temples)
So... let's go over this again. What
exactly did you say to Ms. Farmer?

Donnie does not answer. We reveal Ms. Farmer standing in the
corner.

MS. FARMER
(furious)
He asked me to... forcibly insert
the Lifeline exercise card into my
anus.

Silence. Rose looks down, furious. Eddie lets out a snort
laugh which he tries to conceal with a cough. It doesn't
work.

INT. TEACHERS' LOUNGE / OFFICE - MOMENTS LATER (2:15 P.M.)

Eddie and Donnie exit Cole's office, moving on while Rose
approaches Kitty, who looks visibly shaken.

ROSE
Kitty, I don't know what to say.
They've suspended him for two days.
(MORE)
41.

ROSE (CONT'D)
(beat)
Ever since this jet fiasco, I honestly
don't know what has gotten into him.

MS. FARMER
Rose, I'll tell you this because our
daughters have been on dance team
together for two years and I respect
you as WOMAN. But after witnessing
your son's behaviour today, I have...
significant doubts...
(stopping herself)
Our paths through life must be
righteous. I urge you to go home
and look in the mirror and pray that
your son does not succumb to the
path of fear.

Kitty Farmer turns and walks away.
Genres: ["Drama","Comedy"]

Summary In Principal Cole's office, Donnie's parents confront Ms. Farmer about an incident. Ms. Farmer accuses Donnie of asking her to insert an exercise card into her anus. Donnie remains silent. Later, Ms. Farmer expresses her doubts about Donnie's behavior to his mother, Rose. The matter remains unresolved.
Strengths
  • Sharp and witty dialogue
  • Engaging conflicts
  • Balancing humor and seriousness
Weaknesses
  • Lack of emotional depth

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively combines humor and seriousness, providing a balance between the two tones. It also introduces important plot points and conflicts that drive the story forward.


Story Content

Concept: 7

The concept of Donnie's inappropriate behavior and its consequences is well-executed in this scene. It raises questions about Donnie's mental state and sets up conflicts with other characters.

Plot: 9

The plot in this scene is engaging and moves the story forward. It introduces conflicts between Donnie and Ms. Farmer, as well as between Donnie and his parents. It also sets up the suspension of Donnie and the potential consequences for his future.

Originality: 6

The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While the school setting and disciplinary conflict are familiar elements, the specific dialogue and interactions between the characters provide a fresh approach. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters in this scene are well-developed and their personalities shine through their dialogue and actions. Donnie's inappropriate behavior and his parents' reactions add depth to their characters.

Character Changes: 7

Donnie's behavior in this scene showcases his rebellious nature and disregard for authority. It sets up potential character growth and change as he faces the consequences of his actions.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to maintain his composure and not reveal any guilt or remorse for his actions. This reflects his deeper need to assert his independence and challenge authority figures.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to navigate the consequences of his actions and avoid further punishment or negative consequences. It reflects the immediate challenge of dealing with the fallout from his inappropriate behavior.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict between Donnie and Ms. Farmer is intense and drives the scene. The conflict between Donnie and his parents also adds tension and raises the stakes for Donnie's future.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in this scene is strong, as the protagonist faces disciplinary actions and challenges from authority figures. The audience is unsure of how the protagonist will overcome these obstacles and what the consequences will be.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in this scene as Donnie's inappropriate behavior could have long-term consequences for his future. The conflict with Ms. Farmer also raises the stakes for Donnie's relationship with the school.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by introducing conflicts and consequences that will impact the future events. It sets up potential plot developments and character arcs.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because it includes unexpected dialogue and reactions from the characters. The audience is unsure of how the situation will unfold and what the consequences will be for the protagonist.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

There is a philosophical conflict evident in this scene between the values of authority and rebellion. The protagonist's actions challenge the authority of Principal Cole and Ms. Farmer, who represent the traditional values and rules of the school system. This conflict challenges the protagonist's beliefs and values, as he seeks to assert his own autonomy and challenge the established order.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene elicits a range of emotions, from humor to anger to concern. The consequences of Donnie's behavior and the potential impact on his future create emotional tension.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue in this scene is sharp and witty, providing humor while also conveying important information about the characters and their conflicts. The interaction between Donnie and Ms. Farmer is particularly engaging.

Engagement: 8

This scene is engaging because it presents a conflict between the protagonist and authority figures, creating tension and suspense. The dialogue and character interactions hold the reader's attention and evoke emotional responses.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by maintaining a steady rhythm and flow. The dialogue and action descriptions are balanced, allowing for tension and suspense to build.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It includes scene headings, character names, dialogue, and action descriptions in a clear and organized manner.

Structure: 9

The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It begins with an establishing shot of Principal Cole's office, followed by dialogue and character interactions. The scene then transitions to the teachers' lounge/office, maintaining a clear progression of events.


Critique
  • The scene starts with Principal Cole praising Donnie's test scores, but this praise feels out of place and doesn't contribute to the conflict or tension of the scene.
  • The dialogue between Principal Cole, Donnie, and Ms. Farmer lacks subtlety and nuance. The revelation of what Donnie supposedly said to Ms. Farmer feels forced and unrealistic.
  • The reaction of Donnie's parents, particularly Eddie's snort laugh, undermines the seriousness of the situation and diminishes the impact of the conflict.
  • The transition to the Teachers' Lounge/Office is abrupt and doesn't flow smoothly from the previous scene.
  • The conversation between Rose and Kitty lacks depth and emotional resonance. It feels like a missed opportunity to explore the tension and conflict between the two characters.
  • The dialogue between Rose and Kitty is heavy-handed and lacks subtlety. The mention of the 'jet fiasco' feels forced and doesn't add anything meaningful to the scene.
  • The final line from Kitty Farmer feels clichéd and doesn't provide any new insight or depth to the conflict.
Suggestions
  • Consider reworking the opening of the scene to establish the conflict and tension more effectively. Perhaps Principal Cole could express concern about Donnie's recent behavior instead of focusing on his test scores.
  • Reconsider the dialogue between Principal Cole, Donnie, and Ms. Farmer to make it more realistic and nuanced. Find a way to reveal what Donnie supposedly said without it feeling forced or contrived.
  • Adjust the reactions of Donnie's parents to make them more appropriate for the seriousness of the situation. Eddie's snort laugh could be replaced with a more concerned or worried expression.
  • Smooth out the transition between the Principal's office and the Teachers' Lounge/Office to create a more seamless flow between the scenes.
  • Develop the conversation between Rose and Kitty to explore the tension and conflict between them more deeply. Use this opportunity to reveal more about their characters and motivations.
  • Rewrite the dialogue between Rose and Kitty to make it more subtle and nuanced. Avoid clichéd lines and focus on creating authentic and meaningful interactions between the characters.
  • Consider revising Kitty Farmer's final line to provide a more insightful and thought-provoking conclusion to the scene.



Scene 17 -  Donnie's Reflection
EXT. DARKO BACKYARD / PATIO - SUNSET (MAGIC HOUR, 5:30 P.M.)

Samantha jumps up and down on the trampoline.

INT. DONNIE'S ROOM - NIGHT (5:30 P.M.)

Donnie walks into his room again for the first time since
the accident, looking around at the new furniture, paint and
carpet. Everything is perfect.

Elizabeth appears in the doorway behind him with a cordless
phone in her hand.

ELIZABETH
(into the phone)
Oh my God, remember that gym teacher,
Ms. Farmer?
(beat)
Yeah. Well, I guess my brother called
her a fat bitch today in class and
got suspended. And my parents just
bought him all of this new shit.
(beat)
Yeah, I know. I wish a jet engine
would have fallen on my room.

INT. MARINO'S ITALIAN BISTRO - NIGHT (6 P.M.)

Eddie and Rose sit across from one another at the bistro
patio... having a quiet dinner to themselves.

ROSE
He's too old to be behaving this
way.

Eddie considers this.
42.

EDDIE
Oh, I say we buy him a moped.

INT. DONNIE'S ROM - NIGHT (7 P.M.)

Donnie lies in bed... looking up at the ceiling. He then
rolls over and looks at the calendar on his wall. The days
of the month of October are marked off with an X in each
square. Tacked onto the calendar is a drawing of Frank.

DONNIE
28 days, 6 hours, 42 minutes, 12
seconds.

INT. PHYSICS CLASS - DAY (FRIDAY, 2:30 P.M.)

As everyone is leaving class, Donnie stays behind.

DONNIE
Dr. Monnitoff?

DR. MONNITOFF
Donnie.

DONNIE
I know that this is gonna sound kinda
weird... but do you know anything
about time travel?

Dr. Monnitoff pauses, turns and looks at Donnie. He seems to
know something.
Genres: ["Drama","Mystery","Sci-Fi"]

Summary Donnie enters his room, adorned with new furniture, while Samantha bounces on the trampoline in the backyard. Elizabeth rants about Donnie's suspension, and Eddie and Rose quietly dine. Donnie studies a calendar marked with crossed-off days and asks Dr. Monnitoff about time travel in physics class.
Strengths
  • Intriguing plot developments
  • Strong character development
  • Effective use of tension and mystery
Weaknesses
  • Dialogue could be more impactful

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene effectively builds tension and intrigue through Donnie's conversation with Dr. Thurman and his subsequent actions in the English and health classes. It also introduces important plot elements and character development.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of time travel and Donnie's role in the events is intriguing and well-developed. The scene also introduces the theme of fate and the consequences of Donnie's actions.

Plot: 9

The plot progresses significantly in this scene, with Donnie's revelation about his connection to Frank and his growing awareness of the time travel events. The scene also sets up future conflicts and developments.

Originality: 6

The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While the situations and dialogue are relatable and familiar, there are some unique elements such as the mention of time travel and the mysterious events surrounding Donnie. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-developed and their interactions reveal important aspects of their personalities and motivations. Donnie's conversation with Dr. Thurman and his interactions with his classmates showcase his introspective nature and growing sense of purpose.

Character Changes: 8

Donnie experiences significant character growth in this scene, as he becomes more aware of his role in the time travel events and the potential consequences of his actions. He also begins to embrace his purpose and take action.

Internal Goal: 7

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is not explicitly stated, but it can be inferred that Donnie is searching for answers and seeking understanding about time travel and his own experiences. This reflects his deeper need for meaning and his desire to make sense of the strange events happening around him.

External Goal: 6

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is not clearly defined, but it can be interpreted as Donnie's desire to uncover the truth about time travel and potentially find a way to change or prevent certain events. This reflects the immediate circumstances and challenges he's facing in dealing with the mysterious occurrences in his life.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

There is a moderate level of conflict in this scene, primarily internal conflict within Donnie as he grapples with his revelations and the potential consequences of his actions.

Opposition: 6

The opposition in this scene is not particularly strong. There are no significant obstacles or conflicts that create tension or uncertainty. The audience has a sense of how the scene will unfold.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in this scene, as Donnie grapples with the potential consequences of his actions and the impact on his own life and the lives of those around him. The introduction of the theme of fate adds to the sense of urgency and importance.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward significantly, introducing important plot elements and character development. It sets up future conflicts and developments, as well as deepening the mystery surrounding Donnie's role in the time travel events.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because it introduces elements like time travel and mysterious events, which create uncertainty and intrigue. The audience is left wondering how these elements will unfold and impact the story.

Philosophical Conflict: 0

There is no evident philosophical conflict in this scene.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a sense of intrigue and tension, as well as empathy for Donnie as he navigates his newfound knowledge and the potential impact on his life and the lives of those around him.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is natural and serves to advance the plot and reveal character traits. Donnie's conversation with Dr. Thurman and his interactions with his classmates provide insight into his thoughts and feelings.

Engagement: 8

This scene is engaging because it introduces intriguing elements like time travel and mysterious events. The dialogue between characters is relatable and captures the audience's attention. The scene also raises questions and creates curiosity about the protagonist's experiences.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by balancing moments of action and dialogue with moments of reflection and introspection. The rhythm of the scene allows for the audience to absorb information and connect with the characters.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It adheres to industry standards with proper scene headings, character names, dialogue formatting, and action lines.

Structure: 8

The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It includes clear scene headings, concise action lines, and dialogue that advances the story and reveals character information.


Critique
  • The scene starts with Samantha jumping on the trampoline, but it is not clear how this connects to the rest of the scene or the overall story. It feels like a random and disconnected opening.
  • The dialogue between Elizabeth and the person on the phone feels forced and unnatural. The conversation about Donnie's suspension and the new furniture seems out of place and does not contribute to the development of the characters or the story.
  • The conversation between Eddie and Rose at the bistro lacks depth and substance. It feels like filler dialogue and does not add anything meaningful to the scene or the overall narrative.
  • Donnie lying in bed and looking at the calendar with marked off days is a repetitive visual that has been used before in the script. It does not provide any new information or insight into the character's state of mind.
  • Donnie's interaction with Dr. Monnitoff about time travel feels abrupt and out of context. There is no clear setup or motivation for Donnie to suddenly ask about time travel in the middle of a physics class.
Suggestions
  • Consider starting the scene with a stronger and more relevant visual that connects to the themes and conflicts of the story.
  • Revise the dialogue between Elizabeth and the person on the phone to make it more natural and meaningful. Focus on developing the characters and advancing the plot.
  • Add depth and substance to the conversation between Eddie and Rose at the bistro. Use this opportunity to explore their relationship and shed light on their perspectives on Donnie's behavior.
  • Find a more creative and visually engaging way to depict Donnie's state of mind and his obsession with time. Avoid repetitive visuals and instead focus on showing his internal struggles and conflicts.
  • Provide a clearer setup and motivation for Donnie's question about time travel. Connect it to his previous experiences or the themes of the story to make it more relevant and impactful.



Scene 18 -  Unveiling Time Travel Secrets
INT. PHYSICS CLASS - LATER ON

Dr. Monnitoff has drawn a diagram on the blackboard. In his
hand he holds a copy of Stephen Hawking's "A Brief History
of Time".

DR. MONNITOFF
So... according to Hawking...
wormholes might be able to provide a
shot cut for jumping between two
distant regions of space-time.

DONNIE
So... in order to travel back in
time, you'd have to have a big
spaceship or something that can travel
faster than the speed of light --

DR. MONNITOFF
Theoretically.

DONNIE
-- and be able to find one of these
wormholes.
43.

DR. MONNITOFF
A wormhole with an Einstein-Rosen
bridge, which is, theoretically... a
wormhole in space controlled by man.

DONNIE
So... that's it?

DR. MONNITOFF
The basic principles of time travel
are there.
(beat)
So you have the vessel and the portal.
And the vessel can be anything.
Most likely a spacecraft.

EXT. SCHOOL COURTYARD - NEXT

Cherita Chen listens to this conversation intently.

INT. PHYSICS CLASS - NEXT

DONNIE
Like a DeLorean.

DR. MONNITOFF
(smiling)
A metal craft of any kind.

Donnie stares at him intently. Dr. Monnitoff walks over to
his desk and picks up a book.

DR. MONNITOFF (CONT'D)
Don't tell anybody that I gave you
this.
(beat)
The woman who wrote it... used to
teach here a long time ago. She was
a nun for many years and then
overnight she just became this
entirely different person. She up
and left the Church, wrote this book,
and started teaching science.

Donnie takes the battered book... we see the cover.

INT. SCHOOL MAIN HALLWAY - MOMENTS LATER

Donnie stands before an array of old photographs. We zoom in
to a black-and-white photograph of a young Robert Sparrow
standing in a class photograph dated 1944.

Donnie looks down at the book, and then at the photograph.

DONNIE
Roberta Sparrow... Grandma Death.
44.

INT. KITCHEN - NIGHT (FRIDAY, 6 P.M.)

Donnie sits down for dinner with his family.

DONNIE
It's called "The Philosophy of Time
Travel".

ELIZABETH
What does time travel have to do
with philosophy?

DONNIE
Guess who wrote it?

No one seems to know.

DONNIE (CONT'D)
Grandma Death.

ROSE
That is a terrible nickname.

EDDIE
Grandma Death.

DONNIE
(to Eddie)
You know, Roberta Sparrow. We almost
hit her with the car the other day.

ROSE
I've heard she's loaded.

The family is taken aback.

EDDIE
You're right. Roberta Sparrow was
famous for her gem collections. Kids
used to try and steal stuff from her
all the time. Over the years... as
she got older, she became more and
more of a recluse... now she just
likes to stay up there all by herself.

DONNIE
I guess she just lost faith in the
world.
Genres: ["Drama","Science Fiction"]

Summary Dr. Monnitoff introduces the concept of time travel via wormholes, handing Donnie a book by Roberta Sparrow. Donnie learns that Roberta Sparrow, the mysterious 'Grandma Death,' is a former nun and author on the topic, revealing her wealth and reclusiveness to the family.
Strengths
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Clear explanation of time travel concept
  • Introduction of intriguing mystery
Weaknesses

    Ratings
    Overall

    Overall: 8

    The scene effectively introduces the concept of time travel and sets up the mystery surrounding Grandma Death. The dialogue is engaging and thought-provoking.


    Story Content

    Concept: 9

    The concept of time travel is explored in a clear and concise manner, providing the audience with a basic understanding of the principles involved.

    Plot: 7

    The plot progresses as Donnie learns about the possibility of time travel and discovers the connection between Grandma Death and the book she wrote.

    Originality: 6

    The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While the concept of time travel and wormholes is not entirely unique, the way it is presented through the dialogue and the connection to Grandma Death adds a fresh approach. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality.


    Character Development

    Characters: 7

    Donnie's curiosity and intelligence are showcased in his conversation with Dr. Monnitoff. The introduction of Grandma Death adds intrigue to the story.

    Character Changes: 5

    There is no significant character change in this scene.

    Internal Goal: 8

    The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to understand the principles of time travel and wormholes. This reflects his deeper desire for knowledge and his fascination with the concept of time travel.

    External Goal: 7

    The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to learn about the book written by Roberta Sparrow and its connection to time travel. This reflects the immediate challenge of uncovering the mystery surrounding Grandma Death and her book.


    Scene Elements

    Conflict Level: 5

    There is a mild conflict between Donnie's curiosity and Dr. Monnitoff's caution, but it is not the central focus of the scene.

    Opposition: 6

    The opposition in this scene is not particularly strong. While there is some skepticism towards the concept of time travel, it is not a major obstacle for the protagonist. The audience is left uncertain about how the protagonist will overcome this opposition.

    High Stakes: 6

    The stakes are not particularly high in this scene, but the concept of time travel and the mystery surrounding Grandma Death add intrigue to the story.

    Story Forward: 8

    The scene moves the story forward by introducing important information about time travel and Grandma Death.

    Unpredictability: 7

    This scene is unpredictable because it introduces the idea of time travel and wormholes, which adds an element of uncertainty and opens up possibilities for the narrative.

    Philosophical Conflict: 7

    There is a philosophical conflict evident in this scene between the belief in the possibility of time travel and the skepticism towards it. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs and worldview as he grapples with the concept of time travel and its implications.


    Audience Engagement

    Emotional Impact: 6

    The scene does not have a strong emotional impact, but it does pique the audience's curiosity and intrigue.

    Dialogue: 8

    The dialogue between Donnie and Dr. Monnitoff is engaging and thought-provoking, providing important information about time travel.

    Engagement: 8

    This scene is engaging because it introduces the concept of time travel and raises questions about its possibility. The dialogue between the characters is intriguing and sparks curiosity in the audience.

    Pacing: 8

    The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by gradually building up the tension and intrigue. The dialogue and actions are paced in a way that keeps the audience engaged and wanting to know more.


    Technical Aspect

    Formatting: 9

    The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. The scene headings, character names, and dialogue are properly formatted. The action lines provide clear descriptions of the characters' movements and the setting.

    Structure: 8

    The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It begins with an establishing shot in the physics class, transitions to the school courtyard, and then returns to the physics class. The dialogue and actions flow smoothly and contribute to the development of the scene.


    Critique
    • The scene starts with a conversation between Donnie and Dr. Monnitoff about time travel. While the dialogue provides some interesting information, the scene lacks visual elements and actions, making it feel static and less engaging.
    • The conversation between Donnie and Dr. Monnitoff feels a bit exposition-heavy and lacks a sense of tension or conflict. It would be beneficial to inject more conflict or disagreement into the scene to make it more dynamic.
    • The transition from the physics class to the school courtyard with Cherita listening feels abrupt and disconnected. It would be helpful to establish Cherita's presence earlier in the scene to create a smoother transition.
    • The introduction of the book written by Roberta Sparrow and the revelation that she is Grandma Death feels rushed and could benefit from more build-up and foreshadowing throughout the script.
    • The dinner scene at the end of the scene feels disconnected from the previous conversation about time travel. It would be helpful to find a stronger thematic connection between the two moments.
    Suggestions
    • Consider adding more visual elements or actions to make the scene more visually engaging. This could include showing Donnie and Dr. Monnitoff interacting with the blackboard diagram or using props to illustrate the concept of time travel.
    • Introduce more conflict or disagreement between Donnie and Dr. Monnitoff to create a more dynamic and engaging scene. This could involve Donnie challenging Dr. Monnitoff's theories or expressing skepticism about the possibility of time travel.
    • Establish Cherita's presence earlier in the scene to create a smoother transition to the school courtyard. This could involve showing Cherita listening to the conversation or reacting to the discussion about time travel.
    • Foreshadow the book written by Roberta Sparrow and her connection to Grandma Death throughout the script. This could include subtle references or hints that build anticipation for the reveal in this scene.
    • Find a stronger thematic connection between the conversation about time travel and the dinner scene at the end of the scene. This could involve exploring the philosophical implications of time travel or connecting it to the family dynamics and themes explored in the script.



    Scene 19 -  Searching for Proof
    EXT. DARKO BACKYARD - SUNSET (SATURDAY, 5:30 P.M.)

    Slow motion. Donnie and Gretchen jump up and down on the
    trampoline, lost among falling autumn leaves.

    INT. THERAPIST'S OFFICE - DAY (SUNDAY, 12 P.M.)

    Donnie is back on Dr. Thurman's couch.
    45.

    DR. THURMAN
    How many times have you seen Frank?

    DONNIE
    Four times... so far.

    DR. THURMAN
    Can anyone else see him?

    DONNIE
    I don't think so. It's like a TV
    station. And they're tuned into
    mine and no one else's.

    DR. THURMAN
    Who is they? Is Frank part of some
    larger group?

    DONNIE
    I don't know. Gretchen has a theory.
    That Frank is a sign. I told her I
    thought it was ridiculous.

    DR. THURMAN
    A sign from whom?

    DONNIE
    (changing the subject)
    I think that Frank wants me to go to
    this woman.
    (holding up the book)
    She wrote a book about time travel.
    Frank asked me if I believed in time
    travel. That can't just be a random
    coincidence.
    (beat)
    My dad almost hit her with the car
    the other day, and she said the
    creepiest thing. She said that every
    living creature on this earth dies
    alone.

    DR. THURMAN
    How does that make you feel?

    DONNIE
    It reminded me of my dog Callie.

    DR. THURMAN
    Is Callie still around?

    DONNIE
    No. She died when I was eight. We
    couldn't find her for days. She
    went and crawled underneath our back
    porch...
    46.

    DR. THURMAN
    Do you feel alone right now?

    He looks at her for a moment.

    DONNIE
    I'd like to believe that I'm not...
    but I've just never seen any proof.
    So I just choose not to bother with
    it. It's, like, I could spend my
    whole life thinking about it...
    debating it in my head. Weighing
    the pros and cons. And in the end,
    I still wouldn't have any proof. So
    ...I don't even debate it any more.
    Because it's absurd.
    (beat)
    I don't want to be alone.
    (beat)
    So, does that make me, like, an
    atheist?

    DR. THURMAN
    No. That makes you keep searching.

    Donnie takes this in for a moment.
    Genres: ["Drama","Mystery","Psychological"]

    Summary Donnie, grappling with loneliness, believes Frank is a sign and wants him to visit a woman who wrote a book about time travel. In therapy, he reveals feeling isolated but chooses not to dwell on it due to a lack of proof. Dr. Thurman suggests his search for proof indicates an ongoing search rather than atheism.
    Strengths
    • Exploration of Donnie's inner thoughts and beliefs
    • Introduction of the concept of time travel
    • Development of Donnie's relationship with Gretchen
    Weaknesses

      Ratings
      Overall

      Overall: 8

      The scene effectively delves into Donnie's inner thoughts and emotions, introducing important concepts and advancing the plot.


      Story Content

      Concept: 9

      The concept of time travel is introduced and explored, adding depth and intrigue to the story.

      Plot: 7

      The plot progresses as Donnie discusses his encounters with Frank and his growing interest in time travel.

      Originality: 6

      The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While the concept of a protagonist grappling with existential questions and seeking guidance from a therapist is not entirely unique, the specific details and dialogue in this scene add freshness to the familiar situation. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue contributes to the originality.


      Character Development

      Characters: 8

      Donnie's character is further developed as he opens up about his beliefs and experiences. Dr. Thurman provides a contrasting perspective.

      Character Changes: 7

      Donnie's character undergoes some development as he opens up about his beliefs and experiences.

      Internal Goal: 8

      The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to understand and make sense of the mysterious figure named Frank and the signs he is receiving. This reflects Donnie's deeper need for meaning and connection in his life, as well as his fear of being alone and his desire to find purpose.

      External Goal: 6

      The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to gather information and seek guidance from his therapist. This reflects the immediate circumstances of Donnie seeking help for his experiences and challenges with Frank and the signs he is receiving.


      Scene Elements

      Conflict Level: 5

      The conflict in this scene is primarily internal, as Donnie grapples with his beliefs and experiences.

      Opposition: 7

      The opposition in this scene is moderately strong. While there are no direct conflicts or obstacles, the protagonist's internal struggles and philosophical conflicts create a sense of opposition and tension. The audience is unsure of how Donnie will navigate these challenges.

      High Stakes: 6

      The stakes are not particularly high in this scene, but it sets up important plot points and character development.

      Story Forward: 7

      The scene provides important information about Donnie's beliefs and motivations, advancing the overall story.

      Unpredictability: 5

      This scene is somewhat predictable because it follows a familiar structure and explores common existential themes. However, the specific details and dialogue add some unpredictability and freshness to the scene.

      Philosophical Conflict: 7

      There is a philosophical conflict evident in this scene between Donnie's skepticism and his desire for proof of meaning and connection. This challenges his beliefs and values, as he grapples with the idea of being alone and the existence of a higher power or purpose.


      Audience Engagement

      Emotional Impact: 7

      The scene evokes a sense of sadness and curiosity as Donnie reflects on his past and contemplates his beliefs.

      Dialogue: 7

      The dialogue is introspective and thought-provoking, revealing important information about Donnie's character and motivations.

      Engagement: 7

      This scene is engaging because it presents a relatable and thought-provoking conversation between the protagonist and his therapist. The dialogue reveals important information about the protagonist's internal and external goals, as well as his philosophical conflicts. The audience is drawn into the scene through the emotional depth and introspective nature of the conversation.

      Pacing: 8

      The pacing of this scene contributes to its effectiveness by allowing for moments of reflection and emotional resonance. The dialogue and action are well-balanced, creating a rhythm that keeps the audience engaged and invested in the conversation.


      Technical Aspect

      Formatting: 9

      The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. The scene headings, action lines, and dialogue are properly formatted and easy to follow. The scene is well-paced and allows for clear visualization of the events.

      Structure: 8

      The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It begins with an establishing shot of the location, transitions smoothly between dialogue and action, and ends with a moment of reflection. The scene effectively progresses the narrative and develops the protagonist's goals and conflicts.


      Critique
      • The scene starts with a slow-motion shot of Donnie and Gretchen jumping on the trampoline, lost among falling autumn leaves. While this visual is visually appealing, it doesn't contribute much to the story or character development.
      • The dialogue between Donnie and Dr. Thurman is informative but lacks depth. It feels like a summary of previous scenes rather than a meaningful conversation that adds new insights or developments.
      • The transition from the backyard to the therapist's office feels abrupt and disjointed. There is no clear connection between the two settings, and it disrupts the flow of the scene.
      • Donnie's revelation about Frank being a sign and his desire to visit the woman who wrote the book on time travel feels forced and out of place. It doesn't connect well with the previous scenes or the overall narrative.
      • The conversation about feeling alone and searching for proof lacks emotional depth. It's a missed opportunity to explore Donnie's inner struggles and fears in a more meaningful way.
      Suggestions
      • Consider reworking the opening shot to make it more relevant to the story or character development. It could be an opportunity to visually convey Donnie's emotional state or foreshadow future events.
      • Develop the dialogue between Donnie and Dr. Thurman to delve deeper into Donnie's thoughts and emotions. Use this scene to provide new insights or revelations that move the story forward.
      • Find a smoother transition between the backyard and the therapist's office. Consider adding a connecting scene or visual element that bridges the two settings.
      • Reconsider the revelation about Frank being a sign and the desire to visit the woman who wrote the book on time travel. Make sure it aligns with the overall narrative and adds depth to Donnie's character.
      • Explore Donnie's feelings of loneliness and the search for proof in a more nuanced and emotionally resonant way. Use this scene to delve into his fears and struggles, making it a pivotal moment in his character arc.



      Scene 20 -  Eerie Visions and a Path to Follow
      INT. FAMILY ROOM - EVENING (SUNDAY, 7:15 P.M.)

      Eddie and Dr. Fisher watch the Redskins game. Ronald and
      Donnie watch the game in the family room.

      EDDIE
      Ahh... we need Theisman.

      DR. FISHER
      We need a miracle.

      INT. KITCHEN - NEXT

      Rose and Anne Fisher (forty-five) share a bottle of wine at
      the kitchen table.

      ANNE
      And so, his tapes made me realise
      that for forty-five years I have
      been a a prisoner of fear. Rose, you
      have to meet Jim Cunningham.
      (taking a sip of wine)
      I can't believe he's not married.

      Samantha bounces through the kitchen and into the family
      room, wearing a Dorothy outfit from "The Wizard of Oz".

      INT. FAMILY ROOM - NEXT

      Donnie sits back in the La-Z Boy, dozing off...
      47.

      John Madden's CBS chalkboard unfolds on the TV screen. Madden
      traces his electronic lines across the screen, tracing the
      movement of the players... as their images are frozen in
      time.

      Donnie's eyes close... and then re-open.

      Donnie turns his head and sees that the room is momentarily
      bathed in artificial white light, as if God hit the slow-
      motion button during a flash of lightning.

      Donnie turns his head and sees that protruding from his
      father's stomach... is a thick spear made of silvery plastic
      gel.

      As Eddie gets up from the couch to walk over to the
      refrigerator ...his spear precedes him... morphing into an
      extruded arrow that reaches the refrigerator several seconds
      before him.

      The spear traces the exact geography of his movement through
      time... using his centre of gravity as its axis point.

      Donnie turns and sees Samantha skipping from the kitchen...
      as her spear bounces several feet in front of her like a
      caterpillar.

      Her spear... smaller than her father's... is proportional to
      her mass.

      SAMANTHA
      (her voice echoing
      through the silence)
      Follow the yellow brick road...

      Donnie looks down at his stomach and sees his own spear
      protruding outward. It then begins to extrude forward towards
      the foyer.

      He does not follow it. It then retreats back in and beckons
      him to follow.

      Like a child transfixed by a firefly... Donnie follows the
      path of his spear into the foyer.
      Genres: ["Drama","Mystery","Sci-Fi"]

      Summary In a somber family setting, Eddie and Dr. Fisher despair over the Redskins game while Anne and Rose share wine. Donnie's haunting vision of his family pierced by spears compels him to follow the spear into the foyer, leaving behind the mundane evening.
      Strengths
      • Unique visual imagery
      • Engaging dialogue
      • Intriguing concept of time travel
      Weaknesses
      • Lack of high stakes
      • Limited character development

      Ratings
      Overall

      Overall: 8

      The scene effectively introduces the concept of time travel and creates a sense of mystery and intrigue. The visual representation of the spears adds a unique and memorable element to the scene. The dialogue between characters is engaging and reveals important information about the plot and characters' motivations.


      Story Content

      Concept: 9

      The concept of time travel is introduced in a visually interesting way through the spears protruding from characters' bodies. This concept adds depth and complexity to the story and raises intriguing questions about fate and destiny.

      Plot: 7

      The plot of the scene revolves around Donnie's discovery of the spears and his subsequent exploration of the concept of time travel. This plot development adds tension and mystery to the story.

      Originality: 6

      The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While the concept of characters having spears protruding from their bodies is unique, the overall situation and dialogue are relatively familiar.


      Character Development

      Characters: 7

      The characters in the scene, particularly Donnie, Samantha, and Eddie, are well-developed and their actions and dialogue reveal important aspects of their personalities and motivations.

      Character Changes: 6

      There is a subtle character change in Donnie as he becomes more intrigued and curious about the concept of time travel.

      Internal Goal: 7

      The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is not explicitly stated. However, based on the context of the scene, it can be inferred that Donnie's internal goal is to understand and make sense of the strange occurrences he is witnessing.

      External Goal: 5

      The protagonist's external goal in this scene is not explicitly stated. The immediate circumstances or challenges they're facing are not clear.


      Scene Elements

      Conflict Level: 6

      There is a mild level of conflict in the scene, primarily between Donnie and his parents regarding his behavior and suspension from school.

      Opposition: 6

      The opposition in this scene is moderate. The protagonist is faced with the challenge of understanding and navigating the supernatural phenomenon of the spears protruding from the characters' bodies.

      High Stakes: 6

      The stakes in the scene are relatively low, primarily focused on Donnie's personal exploration of time travel and the potential consequences of his actions.

      Story Forward: 8

      The scene moves the story forward by introducing the concept of time travel and raising important questions about fate and destiny.

      Unpredictability: 7

      This scene is unpredictable because it introduces a supernatural element with the spears protruding from the characters' bodies. The audience does not know how this situation will develop or be resolved.

      Philosophical Conflict: 0

      There is no evident philosophical conflict in this scene.


      Audience Engagement

      Emotional Impact: 7

      The scene evokes a sense of mystery and intrigue, which creates an emotional impact on the audience. The visual representation of the spears and the exploration of time travel add depth and complexity to the story.

      Dialogue: 8

      The dialogue in the scene is engaging and reveals important information about the plot and characters' motivations. The conversation between Donnie and Samantha about the spears and time travel is particularly thought-provoking.

      Engagement: 8

      This scene is engaging because it introduces a mysterious and intriguing element with the spears protruding from the characters' bodies. It creates a sense of anticipation and curiosity in the audience.

      Pacing: 8

      The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by gradually building tension and intrigue through the use of visual descriptions and character reactions.


      Technical Aspect

      Formatting: 9

      The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It includes scene headings, character names, dialogue, and action descriptions.

      Structure: 8

      The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It begins with an establishing shot, followed by character interactions and visual descriptions.


      Critique
      • The scene lacks clear conflict or tension. It mainly consists of characters watching a football game and having casual conversations.
      • The dialogue feels mundane and does not contribute to the overall plot or character development.
      • There is a lack of visual elements or actions described in the scene, making it visually uninteresting.
      • The scene does not advance the story or provide any significant information or revelations.
      • The emotional tone of the scene is flat and does not engage the audience.
      Suggestions
      • Introduce a conflict or tension to make the scene more engaging. This could be done through a disagreement between characters or the introduction of a new plot point.
      • Revise the dialogue to make it more meaningful and relevant to the story. Each line of dialogue should contribute to character development or advance the plot.
      • Include visual elements or actions to make the scene more visually interesting. This could involve characters interacting with their environment or engaging in physical activities.
      • Ensure that the scene provides new information or revelations that move the story forward. This could be achieved through the introduction of a new plot twist or the deepening of existing conflicts.
      • Consider the emotional tone of the scene and how it aligns with the overall story. If necessary, revise the scene to create a stronger emotional impact on the audience.



      Scene 21 -  The Spear and the Gun
      INT. FOYER / UPSTAIRS HALLWAY - NXT

      Donnie and his spear round the corner and arrive in his
      parents' bedroom.

      INT. MASTER BEDROOM - NIGHT

      His spear leads him to the closet. He opens the closet door...
      and the spear leads him down to a box hidden beneath his
      father's shoe rack.
      48.

      Donnie removes the box from the closet and unlatches it.
      Inside is a gun. Donnie removes the pistol from the box...
      staring at it with the same childlike expression.

      Suddenly... Donnie's universe snaps back to normal. The white
      light strobes... the spear has vanished.

      Donnie still holds the gun. His expression changes to nervous
      shock.

      His eyes linger over the gun for a moment, he then quickly
      puts it back in the box... and carefully places the box back
      under the shoe rack.

      Title card:

      OCTOBER 18 1988

      EXT. BUS STOP - MORNING (TUESDAY, 7:30 A.M.)

      The usual bus stop crew is there. Donnie arrives last... by
      himself. He looks tired and preoccupied.

      A plane flies overhead... they all look up at the sky.

      INT. ENGLISH CLASS - MORNING (8:30 A.M.)

      We see the students placing the Graham Greene books on Ms.
      Pomeroy's desk.

      MS. POMEROY
      It gives me no pleasure to deny you
      the right to read one of the great
      writers of the twentieth century.
      But... alas, I have not yet been
      elected Queen of the Universe. And
      until that day, I will be forced to
      obey the rules... and so will you.
      So... if anyone is found carrying
      this book in school, they will be
      suspended.

      Donnie slips his book into his backpack.

      MS. POMEROY (CONT'D)
      But let's not worry. Someone has
      already pre-ordered several dozen
      copies at Sarasota Mall Waldenbooks.
      now, in Mr. Greene's absence, we
      will be reading another classic.
      Richard Adams' "Watership Down".

      She begins to hand out copies of the paperback novel. Beth
      Farmer smiles when she sees the cover.

      BETH
      Awww. Bunnies.
      49.

      MS. POMEROY
      (whispering in his
      ear)
      Donnie, maybe you and Frank can read
      this one together.
      Genres: ["Drama","Mystery","Fantasy"]

      Summary Donnie follows the spear to his parents' bedroom and finds a hidden gun but hides it when the white light flashes. The next day, Ms. Pomeroy announces the class will read "Watership Down" instead of Graham Greene's book, and Donnie hides his copy of Greene's book in his backpack.
      Strengths
      • Intense atmosphere
      • Revealing a significant plot development
      • Building tension
      Weaknesses
      • Limited dialogue

      Ratings
      Overall

      Overall: 9

      The scene is highly impactful and intense, revealing a significant plot development and raising the stakes for Donnie.


      Story Content

      Concept: 8

      The concept of Donnie finding a gun in his parents' closet adds a new layer of danger and intrigue to the story.

      Plot: 9

      The plot takes a significant turn as Donnie discovers the gun, foreshadowing potential future events and increasing the tension.

      Originality: 6

      The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While the situation of finding a hidden gun in a closet is not entirely unique, the characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and contribute to the scene's authenticity.


      Character Development

      Characters: 8

      The scene provides insight into Donnie's character and his growing sense of unease and curiosity.

      Character Changes: 8

      Donnie experiences a significant shift in his perception of the world and his role within it as he discovers the gun.

      Internal Goal: 8

      Donnie's internal goal in this scene is to confront his fears and desires. The presence of the gun triggers a mix of curiosity, excitement, and nervousness within him.

      External Goal: 7

      Donnie's external goal in this scene is to hide the gun and maintain a sense of normalcy. He wants to avoid getting caught with the gun and facing the consequences.


      Scene Elements

      Conflict Level: 8

      The conflict is heightened as Donnie is faced with a dangerous discovery and the potential implications it holds.

      Opposition: 7

      The opposition in this scene is moderate. While Donnie faces the challenge of hiding the gun, the audience is unsure of the potential consequences or how it will affect his relationships.

      High Stakes: 9

      The stakes are raised as Donnie discovers the gun, foreshadowing potential danger and consequences for his actions.

      Story Forward: 9

      The scene propels the story forward by introducing a new element of danger and raising questions about Donnie's future actions.

      Unpredictability: 7

      This scene is unpredictable because it presents a hidden gun in a seemingly ordinary suburban setting. The audience is left wondering what Donnie will do with the gun and how it will impact the story.

      Philosophical Conflict: 0

      There is no evident philosophical conflict in this scene.


      Audience Engagement

      Emotional Impact: 8

      The scene evokes a sense of unease and anticipation, leaving the audience emotionally invested in Donnie's journey.

      Dialogue: 7

      The dialogue is concise and serves the purpose of conveying important information and building tension.

      Engagement: 9

      This scene is engaging because it introduces a mysterious object (the gun) and raises questions about Donnie's character and his future actions.

      Pacing: 9

      The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by gradually building tension and intrigue. The transitions between locations are smooth, and the scene flows well.


      Technical Aspect

      Formatting: 9

      The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It is properly formatted with scene headings, action lines, and dialogue.

      Structure: 8

      The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It effectively transitions between locations and provides clear visual cues.


      Critique
      • The scene starts with Donnie finding a gun hidden in a box in his parents' bedroom closet. This sudden introduction of a gun feels out of place and raises questions about its purpose and significance in the story. It is not clear why Donnie is drawn to the gun or what his intentions are with it. This lack of clarity can be confusing for the audience and detracts from the overall narrative.
      • The transition from Donnie holding the gun to the scene at the bus stop feels abrupt and disjointed. There is no clear connection between these two moments, and it leaves the audience wondering about the significance of the gun and its impact on Donnie's actions.
      • The introduction of Ms. Pomeroy's English class and the discussion about the banned book feels disconnected from the previous scene. It is not clear how this scene relates to Donnie finding the gun or his overall journey. The mention of the book 'Watership Down' and the comment about bunnies seems out of place and lacks a clear purpose in the scene.
      • The dialogue between Ms. Pomeroy and the students lacks depth and fails to engage the audience. The conversation about the banned book feels forced and lacks authenticity. It would benefit from more meaningful and nuanced dialogue that reflects the characters' emotions and motivations.
      • The scene lacks a clear conflict or tension that drives the story forward. There is no sense of urgency or stakes that make the audience invested in Donnie's journey. It would benefit from the introduction of a clear goal or obstacle that Donnie must overcome.
      Suggestions
      • Provide more context and explanation for Donnie finding the gun. Clarify his motivations and intentions with the gun to make it a more integral part of the story.
      • Create a smoother transition between the scene with the gun and the bus stop. Establish a clear connection between these two moments to maintain continuity and coherence.
      • Reconsider the introduction of Ms. Pomeroy's English class and the discussion about the banned book. Ensure that this scene serves a clear purpose in advancing the plot and developing the characters.
      • Revise the dialogue between Ms. Pomeroy and the students to make it more authentic and engaging. Add depth and nuance to their conversations to reflect their emotions and motivations.
      • Introduce a clear conflict or obstacle that Donnie must face in this scene to create tension and drive the story forward. This will help to keep the audience engaged and invested in Donnie's journey.



      Scene 22 -  Threats and Reflections in the Woods
      INT. SCHOOL BATHROOM - MIDDAY (11:30 A.M.)

      Donnie walks along the edge of the school. Suddenly, a figure
      approaches, grabbing him from behind, placing a switchblade
      next to his throat. It is Seth Devlin.

      SETH
      Did you tell them that I flooded the
      school?

      DONNIE
      I didn't say shit.

      SETH
      That's not what I heard. Now they
      think I did it.

      DONNIE
      Well, if you're innocent, then you
      have nothing to worry about.

      SETH
      You know what? I think that you did
      it.

      Seth takes the knife and pokes the tip softly into the flesh
      of Donnie's neck, drawing a small amount of blood.

      He pushes Donnie away. Donnie touches his neck in shock.

      INT. PHYSICS CLASS - DAY (2:30 P.M.)

      Donnie walks into the classroom and takes his seat next to
      Gretchen. He is sweating profusely.

      Dr. Monnitoff is handing out papers. The bell rings People
      shuffle out.

      DR. MONNITOFF
      Don't forget tomorrow we'll be meeting
      with our partners for the Young
      Inventors Fair.

      Donnie rubs his finger over his neck wound.

      GRETCHEN
      What happened to your neck?

      DONNIE
      I don't want to talk about it.
      (MORE)
      50.

      DONNIE (CONT'D)
      (changing the subject)
      So what happened to your neck?

      EXT. GOLF COURSE FOREST - THAT AFTERNOON (3 P.M.)

      Donnie and Gretchen walk around the trail.

      GRETCHEN
      Were you ever afraid of the dark?

      They pull over to a stop.

      DONNIE
      Why?

      She thinks for a moment.

      GRETCHEN
      Babies cry because they're afraid of
      the dark. And because they have no
      memories... for all they know...
      every night could be the last forever.
      Like, perpetual darkness.

      DONNIE
      Why not just buy your baby a night
      light?

      GRETCHEN
      That's not good enough. You've got
      to go back in time and take all those
      hours of darkness and pain and replace
      them... with whatever you wanted.

      DONNIE
      With, like, images?

      GRETCHEN
      Like... a Hawaiian sunset... the
      Grand Canyon. Things that remind you
      how beautiful the world can be.

      Donnie stops and takes Gretchen's hand.

      DONNIE
      You know... we've been going together
      for a week and a half...

      GRETCHEN
      And what?

      DONNIE
      Well...

      GRETCHEN
      You want to kiss me...
      51.

      Donnie goes in for an awkward kiss... but Gretchen turns and
      denies him.

      Donnie turns away, embarrassed.

      DONNIE
      That's alright... I understand.

      GRETCHEN
      (embarrassed)
      No... Donnie, wait. I've never...

      DONNIE
      I always wanted it to be at a time
      when ...when it reminds you how
      beautiful the world can be.

      GRETCHEN
      Yeah. And right now there's some fat
      guy over there watching us.

      A man in a red jogging suit is standing there in the forest
      smoking a cigarette. He turns away... disappearing into the
      woods.
      Genres: ["Drama","Mystery","Romance"]

      Summary Donnie is threatened by Seth in the school bathroom with a knife, leaving a wound on his neck. In physics class, Gretchen notices his injury. Later, Donnie and Gretchen discuss their fears and the power of positive images while walking through the golf course forest. Donnie tries to kiss Gretchen, but she rejects him. Meanwhile, a mysterious fat man in a red jogging suit observes them from the woods.
      Strengths
      • Engaging dialogue
      • Exploration of personal trauma
      • Intriguing concept of time travel
      Weaknesses
      • Abrupt transition between scenes
      • Underdeveloped supporting characters

      Ratings
      Overall

      Overall: 8

      The scene effectively establishes tension and mystery through the encounter between Donnie and Seth, as well as the conversation between Donnie and Gretchen. The dialogue is engaging and reveals important character information. The scene also introduces the theme of personal trauma and the desire for connection. However, the transition between the bathroom and physics class feels abrupt and could be smoother.


      Story Content

      Concept: 7

      The concept of a troubled teenager experiencing mysterious events and grappling with personal trauma is intriguing. The scene effectively explores themes of fear, loneliness, and the search for meaning. However, the connection between the flooding of the school and Donnie's personal experiences could be further developed.

      Plot: 7

      The plot progresses as Donnie's encounters with Seth and Gretchen deepen his personal journey. The introduction of the mysterious figure of Frank adds intrigue and raises questions about time travel. However, the scene could benefit from clearer connections between the different storylines and a stronger sense of cause and effect.

      Originality: 6

      The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While the situation of a confrontation in a school bathroom is not entirely unique, the dialogue and character dynamics bring a fresh approach to the familiar setting. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality.


      Character Development

      Characters: 8

      The characters of Donnie and Gretchen are well-developed and their interactions reveal their vulnerabilities and desires. Donnie's troubled past and Gretchen's traumatic experiences add depth to their relationship. However, the other characters in the scene, such as Seth and Dr. Monnitoff, could be further developed to enhance their impact on the story.

      Character Changes: 8

      Donnie experiences a subtle change in this scene as he opens up to Gretchen and expresses his desire for connection. His vulnerability and willingness to share his past trauma indicate a shift in his character. However, the change could be further developed to have a stronger impact on the overall story.

      Internal Goal: 8

      The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to protect himself and maintain his innocence. This reflects his deeper need for safety and his fear of being falsely accused.

      External Goal: 7

      The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to navigate the social dynamics of his relationships, particularly with Seth and Gretchen. It reflects the immediate challenge of dealing with conflict and maintaining connections.


      Scene Elements

      Conflict Level: 7

      The conflict between Donnie and Seth adds tension to the scene, as well as the internal conflict within Donnie as he grapples with his past and his desires. However, the conflict could be further developed to increase the stakes and create a stronger sense of urgency.

      Opposition: 8

      The opposition in this scene is strong, as Donnie is faced with a physical threat from Seth and emotional rejection from Gretchen. The audience is unsure of how Donnie will navigate these obstacles.

      High Stakes: 7

      The stakes are moderately high in the scene as Donnie's encounters with Seth and Gretchen have the potential to impact his relationships and his personal journey. The introduction of the concept of time travel also raises the stakes by adding a sense of danger and mystery. However, the stakes could be further heightened to increase the sense of urgency.

      Story Forward: 7

      The scene moves the story forward by deepening Donnie's relationship with Gretchen and introducing the concept of time travel through Dr. Monnitoff. The scene also raises questions and creates intrigue, motivating the audience to continue watching. However, the connection between the different storylines could be clearer to enhance the sense of progression.

      Unpredictability: 7

      This scene is unpredictable because it includes unexpected actions and dialogue, such as Seth poking Donnie's neck with a knife and Gretchen denying Donnie's kiss.

      Philosophical Conflict: 9

      There is a philosophical conflict evident in this scene between Seth and Donnie. Seth believes in taking revenge and asserting power, while Donnie believes in innocence and justice. This challenges Donnie's beliefs and values, as he is forced to confront the possibility that Seth may be right.


      Audience Engagement

      Emotional Impact: 9

      The scene evokes a strong emotional response through the exploration of personal trauma and the desire for connection. Donnie's vulnerability and Gretchen's traumatic experiences elicit empathy from the audience. The scene also raises questions and creates intrigue, adding to the emotional impact.

      Dialogue: 9

      The dialogue is engaging and reveals important character information. The conversation between Donnie and Gretchen about fear and beauty is particularly poignant. The dialogue effectively conveys the characters' emotions and motivations. However, the dialogue between Donnie and Seth could be more nuanced to reflect their complex relationship.

      Engagement: 8

      This scene is engaging because it introduces conflict, develops the characters' relationships, and creates suspense through the dialogue and actions.

      Pacing: 9

      The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by creating a sense of tension and suspense through the quick and impactful dialogue and the concise descriptions of the characters' actions.


      Technical Aspect

      Formatting: 9

      The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre, with proper indentation, capitalization, and punctuation.

      Structure: 9

      The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings, action lines, and dialogue.


      Critique
      • The scene starts with a tense and dramatic moment as Donnie is grabbed from behind by Seth Devlin, creating a sense of danger and conflict. However, the dialogue between Donnie and Seth feels a bit cliché and lacks depth. It would benefit from more nuanced and realistic dialogue that reveals the characters' motivations and emotions.
      • The transition to the next scene in the physics class feels abrupt and disjointed. There is no clear connection between the bathroom confrontation and Donnie's sweating and discomfort in the classroom. This transition could be smoother and more seamless to maintain the flow of the story.
      • The conversation between Donnie and Gretchen in the forest lacks depth and substance. It touches on the theme of fear of the dark and replacing bad memories with positive images, but it feels superficial and doesn't delve into the characters' emotions and experiences. Adding more depth and complexity to their conversation would make it more engaging and meaningful.
      • The awkward kiss between Donnie and Gretchen feels forced and lacks authenticity. It would be more effective to build up the romantic tension between them and create a more natural and believable moment for their first kiss.
      • The appearance of the man in the red jogging suit at the end of the scene feels random and disconnected from the rest of the scene. It doesn't serve a clear purpose or contribute to the development of the story or characters. This element could be better integrated into the scene to create a stronger sense of intrigue and foreshadowing.
      Suggestions
      • Revise the dialogue between Donnie and Seth to make it more realistic and nuanced, revealing their motivations and emotions.
      • Improve the transition between the bathroom confrontation and the physics class to create a smoother and more seamless flow.
      • Expand and deepen the conversation between Donnie and Gretchen in the forest, exploring their fears, desires, and experiences in a more meaningful way.
      • Build up the romantic tension between Donnie and Gretchen to create a more natural and believable moment for their first kiss.
      • Integrate the appearance of the man in the red jogging suit more effectively into the scene, giving it a clear purpose and connection to the rest of the story.



      Scene 23 -  Carving Pumpkins
      EXT. NEIGHBOURHOOD STREET - LATER THAT AFTERNOON (4 P.M.)

      Donnie rides along the sidewalk... and skids to a stop, seeing
      a wallet lying there.

      Donnie opens the wallet, looking at the ID. It reads:

      JIM CUNNINGHAM
      42 POWDERHAM DRIVE
      MIDDLESEX, VA 23113

      FRANK (V.O.)
      (echoing in Donnie's
      head)
      Now you know where he lives.

      Donnie looks over and sees that he is in front of Cunningham's
      Tudor mansion.

      INT. KITCHEN - EVENING (7:15 P.M.)

      Donnie sits at the kitchen island with Elizabeth, carving a
      pumpkin.

      ELIZABETH
      So I hear you have a girlfriend.

      DONNIE
      Yeah.

      ELIZABETH
      What's her name?
      52.

      DONNIE
      You're not gonna tell Mom, are you?

      ELIZABETH
      (defensive)
      Why would I tell Mom?

      DONNIE
      Because you tell Mom everything.

      ELIZABETH
      No I don't.
      (long beat)
      She worries about you.

      DONNIE
      Well, don't worry... I'm taking my
      medication.

      ELIZABETH
      It's not that. I mean mouthing off
      to your teachers. I'll admit... when
      Dad told me what you said to Ms.
      Farmer, I laughed my ass off.

      DONNIE
      I was just being honest.

      ELIZABETH
      Yeah... well, that's not the way the
      world works. If you keep being too
      honest, the world will eventually
      find a way to destroy you.

      DONNIE
      Her name is Gretchen.

      ELIZABETH
      That's a nice name.
      (beat)
      OK, let me see it.

      Donnie turns the carved jack o' lantern around and we see
      that it looks remarkably like Frank.
      Genres: ["Drama","Mystery","Sci-Fi"]

      Summary Donnie finds Jim Cunningham's wallet and carves a jack-o'-lantern with Elizabeth, telling her about his girlfriend and her advice on honesty.
      Strengths
      • Engaging dialogue
      • Strong character development
      • Mysterious and intriguing elements
      Weaknesses
      • Some dialogue could be more concise

      Ratings
      Overall

      Overall: 9

      The scene is highly engaging and sets up multiple plot threads and conflicts. It effectively combines character development, mystery, and thematic exploration.


      Story Content

      Concept: 8

      The concept of time travel and the presence of a mysterious bunny rabbit guide add intrigue and depth to the story.

      Plot: 9

      The plot progresses significantly in this scene, introducing new information, conflicts, and setting up future events.

      Originality: 7

      This scene demonstrates a moderate level of originality. While the situation of Donnie finding a wallet and having a conversation with his sister is not entirely unique, the authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds freshness to the scene. The writer effectively captures the complexities of sibling relationships and explores philosophical conflicts in a relatable and engaging manner.


      Character Development

      Characters: 9

      The characters are well-developed and their interactions reveal their personalities, motivations, and conflicts.

      Character Changes: 8

      Donnie experiences personal growth and begins to confront his inner demons and fears.

      Internal Goal: 8

      Donnie's internal goal in this scene is to maintain a sense of normalcy and hide his true feelings and experiences from his sister. This reflects his deeper need for acceptance and his fear of being judged or misunderstood.

      External Goal: 7

      Donnie's external goal in this scene is to have a casual conversation with his sister and avoid any confrontation or conflict. This reflects the immediate circumstances of their interaction and the challenges of maintaining a harmonious family dynamic.


      Scene Elements

      Conflict Level: 8

      There are multiple conflicts present, including Donnie's internal struggles, conflicts with authority figures, and the mysterious events happening around him.

      Opposition: 7

      The opposition in this scene is moderate, as there is a subtle conflict between Donnie's desire for honesty and Elizabeth's belief in conformity. The audience is unsure of how the conversation will unfold and whether Donnie will reveal more about his experiences.

      High Stakes: 8

      The stakes are high for Donnie as he navigates personal struggles, mysterious occurrences, and potential consequences of his actions.

      Story Forward: 9

      The scene moves the story forward by introducing new information, conflicts, and deepening the mystery.

      Unpredictability: 6

      This scene is somewhat predictable because it follows a familiar pattern of sibling conversation and explores common themes of honesty and conformity. However, the specific dialogue and character interactions add some unpredictability and freshness to the scene.

      Philosophical Conflict: 9

      There is a philosophical conflict evident in this scene between Donnie's belief in honesty and Elizabeth's belief in the necessity of conforming to societal norms. This challenges Donnie's values and worldview, as he struggles with the tension between being true to himself and fitting in with the world around him.


      Audience Engagement

      Emotional Impact: 9

      The scene evokes strong emotions through the characters' revelations and the tense atmosphere.

      Dialogue: 8

      The dialogue is natural and reveals important information about the characters and their relationships.

      Engagement: 8

      This scene is engaging because it presents relatable and authentic sibling dynamics, creating a sense of familiarity and emotional connection. The dialogue is natural and captures the nuances of the characters' relationship, keeping the reader invested in their conversation.

      Pacing: 9

      The pacing of this scene is effective in maintaining the reader's interest and creating a natural rhythm. The dialogue exchanges are well-timed, allowing for pauses and beats that enhance the emotional impact of the conversation.


      Technical Aspect

      Formatting: 9

      The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. The scene headings, action lines, and dialogue are properly formatted, making it easy to read and understand the scene.

      Structure: 9

      The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It begins with an exterior location and then transitions to an interior location, providing a clear sense of time and place. The dialogue and actions are well-paced, allowing for a natural flow of the conversation.


      Critique
      • The scene starts with Donnie finding Jim Cunningham's wallet on the sidewalk, which leads him to Cunningham's Tudor mansion. This sudden discovery feels a bit contrived and lacks a clear motivation for Donnie to investigate further.
      • The conversation between Donnie and Elizabeth in the kitchen lacks depth and emotional resonance. It feels like a surface-level exchange that doesn't reveal much about their relationship or the characters themselves.
      • The transition from Donnie finding the wallet to carving a pumpkin in the kitchen feels abrupt and disjointed. There is a missed opportunity to explore Donnie's thoughts and emotions after discovering the wallet.
      • The dialogue between Donnie and Elizabeth about his girlfriend and their conversation about honesty and the world's response to it feels forced and lacks subtlety. The themes of honesty and destruction could be explored in a more nuanced and organic way.
      • The visual element of the carved jack o' lantern resembling Frank is an interesting touch, but it could be further developed to create a stronger connection to the overall story and themes.
      Suggestions
      • Consider providing a stronger motivation for Donnie to investigate Cunningham's mansion, such as a previous encounter or suspicion about Cunningham's actions.
      • Develop the conversation between Donnie and Elizabeth in the kitchen to reveal more about their relationship and their individual struggles. This could be done through deeper exploration of their emotions and conflicts.
      • Smooth out the transition between Donnie finding the wallet and carving the pumpkin by adding a scene or moment that allows Donnie to process his discovery and its implications.
      • Refine the dialogue between Donnie and Elizabeth to make it more natural and nuanced. Explore the themes of honesty and destruction in a way that feels organic to the characters and the story.
      • Further develop the visual element of the carved jack o' lantern resembling Frank by connecting it to the larger themes and symbolism of the screenplay.



      Scene 24 -  Donnie's Diagnosis
      INT. THERAPIST'S OFFICE - NIGHT (8 P.M.)

      Rose and Eddie sit in front of Dr. Thurman.

      ROSE
      Thank you for seeing us... We...
      just felt that it was time to
      discuss...

      DR. THURMAN
      What I think is going on with your
      son.
      53.

      ROSE
      Well, you know about his past. And
      when you said to look for signs of
      aggression ...He was recently
      suspended from school for insulting
      his gym teacher.

      EDDIE
      She deserved it.

      DR. THURMAN
      Rose... let me just lay out what I
      believe is happening here. Donnie's
      aggressive behaviour seems to stem
      from his increased detachment from
      reality. His inability to cope with
      the forces in the world that he
      perceives to be threatening.

      Rose smiles nervously.

      DR. THURMAN (CONT'D)
      Has your son ever told you about
      Frank?

      ROSE
      Come again?

      DR. THURMAN
      Frank... the giant bunny rabbit?

      ROSE
      Frank?

      DR. THURMAN
      Donnie is experiencing what is
      commonly called a daylight
      hallucination.

      ROSE
      You're telling me my son has an
      imaginary friend?

      DR. THURMAN
      He has described lengthy
      conversations... physical encounters
      with what I believe to be a
      manifestation of his subconscious
      mind.

      Rose looks over at Eddie with an expression of panic.

      ROSE
      I... What can we do?
      54.

      DR. THURMAN
      I would like to put him through more
      hypnotherapy... and increase his
      medication.

      Eddie looks at Rose... who nods in approval.

      ROSE
      If that's what you think is necessary.

      DR. THURMAN
      But let me remind you that this
      treatment is... experimental.
      Genres: ["Drama","Psychological Thriller"]

      Summary Concerned parents Rose and Eddie meet with Dr. Thurman regarding Donnie's aggressive behavior and hallucinations. Dr. Thurman diagnoses Donnie with daylight hallucinations and a possible subconscious manifestation (Frank, the bunny rabbit). He recommends increased medication and hypnotherapy, acknowledging the experimental nature of the treatment. Rose and Eddie agree to the plan despite the uncertainty.
      Strengths
      • Building tension
      • Exploring psychological themes
      • Strong emotional impact
      Weaknesses
      • Some unclear dialogue

      Ratings
      Overall

      Overall: 9

      The scene effectively builds tension and introduces important plot elements, but could benefit from more clarity in certain areas.


      Story Content

      Concept: 8

      The concept of Donnie's hallucination and its impact on his behavior is intriguing and adds depth to the story.

      Plot: 9

      The plot progresses significantly in this scene, with the revelation of Donnie's hallucination and the decision to increase his medication.

      Originality: 6

      The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While the concept of a therapist discussing a child's hallucinations is not entirely unique, the specific details and emotional depth of the characters' experiences add freshness to the familiar situation. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue contributes to the originality of the scene.


      Character Development

      Characters: 8

      The characters are well-developed and their interactions reveal important aspects of their personalities.

      Character Changes: 8

      Donnie's character undergoes significant changes in this scene, as his detachment from reality becomes more pronounced.

      Internal Goal: 8

      The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to understand and find a solution for her son's aggressive behavior and detachment from reality. This reflects her deeper need to protect and help her son, as well as her fear of not being able to understand or control his behavior.

      External Goal: 7

      The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to seek professional help and guidance for her son's issues. It reflects the immediate circumstances and challenges they are facing in dealing with his aggressive behavior and detachment from reality.


      Scene Elements

      Conflict Level: 8

      There is a high level of conflict in this scene, both internally within Donnie and externally with his parents and therapist.

      Opposition: 7

      The opposition in this scene is strong as the therapist challenges the protagonist's beliefs and offers a different perspective on her son's condition. The audience is unsure of how the protagonist will respond and what decisions she will make.

      High Stakes: 8

      The stakes are high in this scene as Donnie's mental state deteriorates and his aggressive behavior becomes a concern.

      Story Forward: 9

      The scene moves the story forward by introducing important plot elements and escalating the conflict.

      Unpredictability: 7

      This scene is unpredictable because it introduces the concept of the protagonist's son having hallucinations and raises questions about the nature of his condition and the appropriate treatment. The audience is unsure of how the characters will respond to this revelation and what actions they will take.

      Philosophical Conflict: 6

      There is a philosophical conflict evident in this scene between the protagonist's belief in the reality of her son's experiences and the therapist's belief that they are hallucinations. This challenges the protagonist's worldview and forces her to question the nature of her son's condition and the appropriate course of treatment.


      Audience Engagement

      Emotional Impact: 9

      The scene evokes strong emotions of anxiety, fear, and confusion, particularly through Donnie's experiences.

      Dialogue: 7

      The dialogue effectively conveys the characters' emotions and motivations, but some lines could be clearer.

      Engagement: 8

      This scene is engaging because it presents a compelling conflict and emotional stakes for the characters. The dialogue and interactions between the characters create tension and suspense, making the audience invested in the outcome of the scene.

      Pacing: 8

      The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by gradually building tension and suspense. The dialogue and character interactions are paced in a way that allows for emotional impact and reflection, without feeling rushed or stagnant.


      Technical Aspect

      Formatting: 9

      The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It includes scene headings, character names, dialogue, and action descriptions in a clear and organized manner. The formatting enhances the readability and understanding of the scene.

      Structure: 9

      The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It begins with an establishing shot and introduces the characters and their situation through dialogue. The scene progresses with a clear goal and conflict, leading to a resolution and decision. The structure effectively conveys the necessary information and emotional impact of the scene.


      Critique
      • The scene starts off with Rose and Eddie sitting in front of Dr. Thurman, but it is not clear why they are there or what they want to discuss. It would be helpful to provide some context or background information to set up the scene.
      • The dialogue between Rose, Eddie, and Dr. Thurman feels a bit stiff and unnatural. The characters' reactions to the information about Donnie's hallucinations and the proposed treatment seem unrealistic. It would be beneficial to add more depth and emotion to their responses.
      • The scene lacks tension or conflict. There is no sense of urgency or stakes involved in the conversation. It would be more engaging if there was some disagreement or tension between the characters, such as Rose and Eddie having different opinions on the treatment.
      • The dialogue could be more specific and detailed. For example, instead of saying 'Donnie is experiencing what is commonly called a daylight hallucination,' Dr. Thurman could provide more specific information about the hallucinations and their impact on Donnie's daily life.
      • The scene could benefit from more visual elements or actions to break up the dialogue. This would help to create a more dynamic and visually interesting scene.
      Suggestions
      • Provide some context or background information at the beginning of the scene to set up the conversation between Rose, Eddie, and Dr. Thurman.
      • Add more depth and emotion to the characters' reactions to the information about Donnie's hallucinations and the proposed treatment.
      • Introduce some conflict or tension into the scene, such as differing opinions between Rose and Eddie on the treatment.
      • Make the dialogue more specific and detailed, providing more information about the hallucinations and their impact on Donnie's life.
      • Include more visual elements or actions to break up the dialogue and create a more dynamic scene.



      Scene 25 -  Donnie's Descent into Madness
      INT. KITCHEN - NIGHT

      Donnie walks into the kitchen and removes a butcher's knife
      from a drawer.

      INT. UPSTAIRS BATHROOM - NIGHT

      Donnie stands in front of the bathroom mirror... catatonic...
      looking at his reflection.

      Frank stands behind him.

      Suddenly, Donnie turns around with the butcher's knife and
      lunges at Frank with all of his weight.

      The knife collides with Frank's invisible force field as if
      it were liquid steel. Donnie lunges repeatedly at Frank with
      psychotic rage... but the knife bounces off.

      Title card:

      OCTOBER 20 1988

      INT. SCHOOL AUDITORIUM - MORNING (10 A.M.)

      The auditorium is packed with Middlesex mongrels. Jim
      Cunningham takes the stage.

      JIM CUNNINGHAM
      (shouting)
      Good morning, mongrels!

      AUDIENCE
      (scattered voices)
      Good morning...

      JIM CUNNINGHAM
      That's all the gusta you can musta?
      I said, "Good morning!"

      AUDIENCE
      (yelling louder)
      Good MORNING!
      55.

      JIM CUNNINGHAM
      Now that's better... but I still
      sense some students out there... who
      are AFRAID ...just to say GOOD
      MORNING!

      AUDIENCE
      (screaming)
      GOOD MORNING!

      JIM CUNNINGHAM
      Are you AFRAID?

      AUDIENCE
      (screaming louder)
      GOOD MORNING!

      JIM CUNNINGHAM
      Now that's what I like to hear!
      (suddenly serious)
      Because too many young men and women
      today are paralysed by their fears.
      They give in to their feelings of
      self-doubt... they surrender their
      bodies to the temptations of drugs,
      alcohol and premarital sex. Empty
      solutions. These are toxic chemicals
      ...and disease-spreading behaviour.

      A large screen lowers behind him.

      JIM CUNNINGHAM (CONT'D)
      I would like to tell you a story
      today about a young man whose life
      was destroyed by the instruments of
      fear. A young man searching for
      love... in all the wrong places.
      (shaking his head
      tragically)
      His name was Frank.

      On the giant screen, an image slide appears of a young cartoon
      teenager whose eyes are whacked out on drugs. The title
      appears: HIS NAME WAS FRANK.

      Upon hearing the name Frank, Donnie falls into a paranoid
      trance.

      Gretchen, who looks extremely bored, leans over to Donnie.

      GRETCHEN
      Let's get out of here.

      Donnie ignores her. His eyes are locked on Jim Cunningham,
      who begins his rousing re-enactment of the sad, unfortunate
      downfall of Frank.
      56.

      Within minutes, Jim Cunningham has the crowd laughing...
      enamoured of him with his cartoon slide show.

      Note: during this sequence, the camera speed ramps to 4 bps.
      Genres: ["Drama","Mystery","Sci-Fi"]

      Summary Donnie retrieves a butcher's knife and becomes catatonic. He lunges at Frank but is thwarted by Frank's force field. At the auditorium, Jim Cunningham's speech triggers Donnie, who falls into a trance, ignoring Gretchen's concerns.
      Strengths
      • Engaging dialogue
      • Intriguing concept
      • Building tension
      • Compelling character development
      Weaknesses
      • Some elements may be confusing without prior knowledge of the story

      Ratings
      Overall

      Overall: 8

      The scene effectively builds tension and introduces important plot elements, such as Donnie's increasing detachment from reality and his search for answers about time travel. The dialogue is engaging and the conflict between Donnie and Frank adds intrigue.


      Story Content

      Concept: 9

      The concept of a troubled teenager experiencing hallucinations and questioning the nature of reality is intriguing and thought-provoking. The introduction of time travel adds an additional layer of complexity to the story.

      Plot: 8

      The plot progresses as Donnie's hallucinations and paranoia intensify. The scene introduces new conflicts and raises questions about Donnie's mental state and the significance of Frank.

      Originality: 6

      The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While the suburban setting and school assembly are familiar elements, the protagonist's intense reaction to the name 'Frank' and the philosophical conflict add a fresh and intriguing twist. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue contributes to the originality.


      Character Development

      Characters: 7

      The characters are well-developed and their interactions reveal their personalities and motivations. Donnie's increasing instability and search for answers are particularly compelling.

      Character Changes: 7

      Donnie's character undergoes changes as he becomes more detached from reality and starts questioning the nature of his experiences. His increasing instability and search for answers drive his character arc.

      Internal Goal: 8

      The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to confront his fears and find a sense of purpose or meaning in his life. This is reflected in his intense reaction to the name 'Frank' and his fixation on Jim Cunningham's speech.

      External Goal: 7

      The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to understand the story of Frank and how it relates to his own life. This reflects the immediate challenge of finding answers and seeking guidance.


      Scene Elements

      Conflict Level: 8

      The conflict between Donnie and Frank, as well as the conflicts between Donnie and his surroundings, create tension and drive the plot forward.

      Opposition: 7

      The opposition in this scene is strong, as the protagonist's internal fears and doubts are presented as obstacles to his growth and happiness. The audience doesn't know how the protagonist will overcome these challenges or what the consequences of his actions will be.

      High Stakes: 7

      The stakes are raised as Donnie's mental state deteriorates and his actions become increasingly unpredictable. The introduction of time travel adds a sense of urgency and importance to his search for answers.

      Story Forward: 8

      The scene introduces important plot elements, such as Donnie's hallucinations, his search for answers about time travel, and the discovery of a hidden gun. It also raises questions and builds tension.

      Unpredictability: 7

      This scene is unpredictable because the protagonist's reaction to the name 'Frank' and the introduction of Jim Cunningham's speech come as surprises to the audience. The audience doesn't know how the protagonist will respond or what revelations will be made.

      Philosophical Conflict: 7

      There is a philosophical conflict evident in this scene between the protagonist's desire for meaning and purpose, and the societal pressures and expectations placed on young people. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs and values, as he is confronted with the idea that his fears and doubts are holding him back.


      Audience Engagement

      Emotional Impact: 7

      The scene evokes a sense of paranoia and intrigue, as well as empathy for Donnie's struggles. The revelation of Donnie's hallucinations and his increasing detachment from reality adds emotional depth.

      Dialogue: 7

      The dialogue effectively conveys the characters' emotions and drives the plot forward. The conversation between Donnie and Dr. Thurman about time travel is particularly engaging.

      Engagement: 9

      This scene is engaging because it introduces a mystery and raises questions about the protagonist's connection to the name 'Frank'. The intense and dramatic moments, as well as the comedic elements in Jim Cunningham's speech, keep the audience interested and curious about what will happen next.

      Pacing: 8

      The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by alternating between intense and slower moments. The quick cuts between different locations and actions create a sense of urgency and intrigue, while the slower moments allow for reflection and build-up of tension.


      Technical Aspect

      Formatting: 9

      The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It includes scene headings, action lines, dialogue, and character names. The use of title cards and the clear separation of different locations and actions enhance the readability and flow of the scene.

      Structure: 8

      The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It begins with a specific location and action, transitions to a different location and action, and includes dialogue and character interactions. The title card and the introduction of Jim Cunningham's speech provide a clear structure and progression.


      Critique
      • The scene lacks clear motivation for Donnie's actions. It is not clear why he suddenly decides to retrieve a butcher's knife and attack Frank. This lack of motivation makes the scene feel forced and unrealistic.
      • The use of a title card to indicate the date disrupts the flow of the scene and feels unnecessary. The date could have been conveyed through dialogue or visual cues instead.
      • The dialogue between Jim Cunningham and the audience feels contrived and overly dramatic. The exaggerated reactions from the audience, such as screaming 'GOOD MORNING' repeatedly, come across as forced and unrealistic.
      • The transition from Donnie's trance to Gretchen suggesting they leave the auditorium feels abrupt and disjointed. There is no clear connection between Donnie's trance and Gretchen's suggestion, which makes the scene feel disjointed.
      • The camera speed ramping to 4 bps during Jim Cunningham's presentation feels unnecessary and distracting. It adds a stylistic element that does not enhance the scene or contribute to the story.
      Suggestions
      • Provide clearer motivation for Donnie's actions in the scene. This could be achieved through additional dialogue or visual cues that establish his emotional state and reasoning.
      • Consider removing the title card indicating the date and find alternative ways to convey the passage of time.
      • Revise the dialogue between Jim Cunningham and the audience to make it feel more natural and believable. Avoid exaggerated reactions and focus on creating a more authentic interaction.
      • Smooth out the transition between Donnie's trance and Gretchen's suggestion to leave the auditorium. Find a way to connect these two moments more seamlessly.
      • Reconsider the use of camera speed ramping during Jim Cunningham's presentation. Evaluate whether it adds value to the scene or if it is simply a distracting stylistic choice.



      Scene 26 -  Donnie's Confrontation
      INT. SCHOOL AUDITORIUM - NEXT (10:30 A.M.)

      Donnie is in a trance.

      DONNIE
      We're moving through time.

      GRETCHEN
      What?

      The huge screen rises upwards and Jim Cunningham takes
      questions from the crowd from portable mike stands in the
      back of the auditorium.

      Several students get up and go to the mikes.

      DORKY GIRL
      Hi. Um... my stepsister... like... I
      sometimes worry that she eats too
      much.

      OVERWEIGHT GIRL
      (mortified; yelling
      at her sister from
      the crowd)
      Shut up, Kim!

      DORKY GIRL
      I'm just trying to help you!

      JIM CUNNINGHAM
      There's no need to be embarrassed.
      Many times we eat because we are
      afraid to face the reality of our
      ego reflections. We shouldn't just
      look INTO the mirror. We should look
      THROUGH the mirror.

      DORKY GIRL
      Thanks.

      Kitty Farmer runs out onto the stage and hands Jim Cunningham
      a bottle of water and a towel. She gives him the thumbs-up
      sign, and runs back offstage.

      LANKY KID
      Um... How can I decide what I want
      to be when I grow up?
      57.

      JIM CUNNINGHAM
      I think you should look deep within
      yourself... deep within your heart...
      and find what it is in the world
      that makes you feel LOVE. Just pure
      LOVE. And then go to that. In your
      studies... in your athletics... go
      towards love.

      LANKY KID
      Thank you.

      Donnie gets up from his seat and goes to the mike.

      LARRY RIESMAN
      What can I do to learn how to fight?

      JIM CUNNINGHAM
      Violence is a product of fear. Those
      who love themselves enough should
      have no need to fight another person.
      Learn to truly love yourself... and
      the world will be yours.

      LARRY RIESMAN
      Okay.

      Donnie steps up to the mike stand.

      DONNIE
      (furious)
      How much are they paying you to be
      here?

      JIM CUNNINGHAM
      Excuse me? What's your name, son?

      DONNIE
      Gerald.

      JIM CUNNINGHAM
      Well, Gerald, I think you're afraid.

      DONNIE
      Well, Jim, I think you're full of
      shit!

      There are rumblings from the faculty. Some laughter from the
      student body.

      DONNIE (CONT'D)
      Are you telling us this crap because
      you want us to buy your book? Because
      I'll tell you something, that was
      some of the worst advice I've ever
      heard!
      (MORE)
      58.

      DONNIE (CONT'D)
      (to Dorky Girl)
      If you want your sister to lose
      weight... tell her to get off the
      couch, stop eating Twinkies... and
      maybe go out for field hockey.
      (to Lanky Kid)
      You're never gonna know what you
      want to be when you grow up. Most of
      the time, nobody does. How about
      you, Jim?
      (to Larry)
      And you... Sick of some jerk shoving
      your head in a toilet? Then go lift
      some weights... take a karate lesson.
      And when he tries to do it again...
      kick him in the balls.

      More rumblings from the faculty... Laughter from the students
      gets louder.

      JIM CUNNINGHAM
      (getting angry)
      I think you are afraid to ask me for
      advice. I think that you are a very
      troubled... confused young man. I
      think you're searching for answers
      in all the wrong places.

      DONNIE
      (long beat)
      Well, I think you're the fucking
      Anti-Christ.

      The crowd is stirring. Students break out into applause.
      Principal Cole approaches Donnie and removes him from the
      auditorium.

      Gretchen watches him go with a smile.
      Genres: ["Drama","Comedy"]

      Summary Donnie interrupts Jim Cunningham's sermon in the school auditorium, denouncing his false advice. Principal Cole removes Donnie as Gretchen observes with amusement.
      Strengths
      • Sharp and confrontational dialogue
      • Engaging conflict
      • Satirical tone
      Weaknesses
      • Limited exploration of other characters

      Ratings
      Overall

      Overall: 9

      The scene is highly engaging and impactful, with strong dialogue and conflict that drives the story forward.


      Story Content

      Concept: 8

      The concept of challenging societal norms and exposing hypocrisy is well-executed in this scene.

      Plot: 8

      The plot is advanced through Donnie's confrontation with Jim Cunningham, revealing his rebellious nature and setting up further conflicts.

      Originality: 7

      The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While the situation of a protagonist challenging a motivational speaker is not entirely unique, the specific dialogue and actions of the characters bring a fresh approach to the familiar scenario. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality.


      Character Development

      Characters: 9

      The characters, particularly Donnie and Jim Cunningham, are well-developed and their personalities shine through their dialogue.

      Character Changes: 8

      Donnie's character undergoes a change as he confronts Jim Cunningham and stands up against societal norms.

      Internal Goal: 8

      The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to challenge and confront Jim Cunningham's advice and expose him as a fraud. This reflects Donnie's deeper need for truth and authenticity, as well as his desire to rebel against societal norms and authority figures.

      External Goal: 7

      The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to disrupt the event and express his dissenting opinions. This reflects the immediate challenge of standing up against a popular figure and risking social consequences.


      Scene Elements

      Conflict Level: 9

      The conflict between Donnie and Jim Cunningham is intense and drives the scene forward.

      Opposition: 8

      The opposition in this scene is strong as the protagonist challenges a popular figure and faces resistance from the faculty. The audience is unsure of how the confrontation will unfold, adding to the tension.

      High Stakes: 7

      The stakes are high for Donnie as he challenges a respected authority figure and risks facing consequences.

      Story Forward: 9

      The scene moves the story forward by establishing Donnie's rebellious nature and setting up further conflicts.

      Unpredictability: 8

      This scene is unpredictable because it subverts the audience's expectations of a typical motivational speaker event. The protagonist's bold and unexpected actions and dialogue add an element of surprise.

      Philosophical Conflict: 9

      The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is between conformity and rebellion. Jim Cunningham represents conformity and the idea of following societal norms, while Donnie represents rebellion and the desire to question and challenge those norms. This conflict challenges Donnie's beliefs and values, as he must decide whether to conform or rebel.


      Audience Engagement

      Emotional Impact: 8

      The scene elicits strong emotions through the confrontational dialogue and the audience's support for Donnie's rebellion.

      Dialogue: 10

      The dialogue is sharp, confrontational, and satirical, effectively conveying the conflict between Donnie and Jim Cunningham.

      Engagement: 9

      This scene is engaging because it presents a conflict between the protagonist and a popular figure, creating tension and curiosity. The dialogue is sharp and confrontational, keeping the audience invested in the outcome.

      Pacing: 9

      The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by gradually building tension and suspense. The dialogue and actions are paced in a way that keeps the audience engaged and interested.


      Technical Aspect

      Formatting: 9

      The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It includes scene headings, character names, dialogue, and action descriptions in a clear and organized manner.

      Structure: 8

      The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It begins with an establishing shot and introduces the characters and setting. The dialogue and actions progress logically, leading to a climax and resolution.


      Critique
      • The scene starts with Donnie in a trance, but it is not clear why he is in this state or what has led up to it. It would be helpful to provide some context or explanation for Donnie's trance-like state.
      • The dialogue between Donnie and Gretchen is brief and lacks depth. It would be beneficial to explore their relationship and emotions more fully in this scene.
      • The questions asked by the students at the microphone feel contrived and do not flow naturally. It would be more effective to have the questions reflect the concerns and issues that the characters are facing in the story.
      • The dialogue between Donnie and Jim Cunningham becomes confrontational very quickly, without much build-up or tension. It would be more impactful to gradually escalate the conflict between them.
      • The resolution of the scene, with Principal Cole removing Donnie from the auditorium, feels abrupt and lacks a satisfying conclusion. It would be beneficial to have a more significant consequence or resolution to the conflict between Donnie and Jim Cunningham.
      Suggestions
      • Provide more context and explanation for Donnie's trance-like state at the beginning of the scene.
      • Expand the dialogue between Donnie and Gretchen to explore their relationship and emotions more fully.
      • Make the questions asked by the students at the microphone more authentic and reflective of the characters' concerns and issues.
      • Gradually escalate the conflict between Donnie and Jim Cunningham to create more tension and impact.
      • Provide a more significant consequence or resolution to the conflict between Donnie and Jim Cunningham.



      Scene 27 -  Donnie's Struggles and Confessions
      EXT. OLD GUN ROAD - AFTERNOON (3:30 P.M.)

      Donnie and Gretchen walk down the wooded road.

      DONNIE
      (mumbling)
      They suspended me for two days.

      GRETCHEN
      (stopping)
      Are you okay?

      DONNIE
      (long beat)
      I've been seeing stuff... a lot of
      really messed-up stuff.
      (MORE)
      59.

      DONNIE (CONT'D)
      (beat)
      Do you know who Grandma Death is?

      GRETCHEN
      Who?

      DONNIE
      The old crazy woman who lives off
      Old Gun Road.

      Donnie takes out the book by Roberta Sparrow.

      GRETCHEN
      Oh, yeah.
      (taking the book)
      "The Philosophy of Time Travel".
      What is this?

      DONNIE
      She wrote it.
      (beat)
      There are chapters in this book that
      describe the stuff I've been seeing.
      It can't just be a coincidence.
      (beat)
      Will you come see her with me?

      EXT. OLD GUN ROAD - NEXT (3:45 P.M.)

      Donnie and Gretchen stand at the end of Grandma Death's
      driveway.

      Gretchen leads Donnie up to the front porch of the decrepit
      house. She then rings the doorbell. They wait for several
      moments ...nothing happens.

      Gretchen then goes and peers through a window.

      DONNIE
      I know she's here. She never leaves
      the house.

      GRETCHEN
      Maybe she's asleep.

      They walk to the end of the driveway, and Donnie stops at
      the mailbox. He opens it... empty.

      GRETCHEN (CONT'D)
      (pointing at the house)
      Donnie, look.

      In an upstairs window of the house, the silhouette of Grandma
      Death peers down at them ominously.
      60.

      INT. DONNIE'S ROOM - AFTERNOON

      Donnie sits at his desk, sealing an envelope. The address
      reads:

      MS. ROBERTA SPARROW
      22 OLD GUN ROAD
      MIDDLESEX, VA 23113

      Title card:

      OCTOBER 23 1988

      INT. THERAPIST'S OFFICE - EVENING (6 P.M.)

      Dr. Thurman looks at a diagram from Sparrow's boo. Donnie is
      pacing around her office.

      DR. THURMAN
      And they grow out of our stomachs?

      DONNIE
      It was just like she described them
      in her book. Like they were alive.
      The way that they looked... moved...
      smelled. They were like workers...
      assigned to each one of us.
      (long beat, then
      distant)
      I followed my spear... and I found
      something...

      DR. THURMAN
      What did you find?

      Donnie is silent for a moment.

      DONNIE
      Nothing.

      DR. THURMAN
      Have you told Gretchen about the
      spears?

      DONNIE
      Yeah, but if I told her about the
      other stuff about Frank...

      DR. THURMAN
      Are you embarrassed by these things
      that you see?

      DONNIE
      You know... every week I come in
      here and I tell you stuff... and
      it's all embarrassing.
      (MORE)
      61.

      DONNIE (CONT'D)
      I tell you stuff that I don't tell
      anyone else... and you know what?
      It's your turn, Dr. Thurman. I'm not
      saying anything else until you tell
      me something embarrassing about
      yourself.

      Donnie makes a "zipper lip" gesture.

      DR. THURMAN
      (long, stubborn beat)
      I once had an extended sexual fantasy
      involving Mr. Rogers.

      Donnie just stares at her.

      DONNIE
      Whoa.
      (beat)
      That's OK, Dr. Thurman, it's nothing
      to be embarrassed about. I have sexual
      fantasies all the time too.

      DR. THURMAN
      I know.

      DONNIE
      I mean... Gretchen... She won't even
      let me kiss her. She says because
      it's our first kiss... she's, like,
      waiting for this big... moment or
      something. I just don't get it. I
      just want to get it over with so we
      can move on to the good stuff.

      DR. THURMAN
      The good stuff.

      DONNIE
      Yeah... you know...
      (whispering)
      Fucking.

      DR. THURMAN
      (cutting him off)
      Have you ever made love, Donald?

      Donnie looks at her... and we know the answer.
      Genres: ["Drama","Mystery","Sci-Fi"]

      Summary Donnie and Gretchen discuss Donnie's suspension and the strange things he has been seeing. Donnie shows Gretchen a book written by Grandma Death that describes his experiences. They visit Grandma Death's house but she doesn't answer. Donnie sends her a letter. In therapy, Donnie shares his experiences with Dr. Thurman and asks her to reveal something embarrassing about herself. Dr. Thurman confesses to a sexual fantasy involving Mr. Rogers. Donnie opens up about his sexual frustrations with Gretchen. Dr. Thurman asks if he has ever made love, and the scene ends with Donnie looking at her, implying an answer.
      Strengths
      • Engaging dialogue
      • Mysterious atmosphere
      • Strong emotional impact
      Weaknesses

        Ratings
        Overall

        Overall: 9

        The scene effectively builds tension and intrigue, introducing important plot elements and deepening the mystery surrounding Donnie's experiences. The dialogue is engaging and thought-provoking, and the scene has a strong emotional impact.


        Story Content

        Concept: 9

        The concept of time travel and the exploration of parallel universes is intriguing and adds depth to the story. The introduction of Grandma Death as a key figure and the connection between her and Donnie's experiences adds an element of mystery and suspense.

        Plot: 9

        The plot progresses significantly in this scene, with Donnie's search for answers and his growing realization of the strange occurrences he has been witnessing. The introduction of the book by Roberta Sparrow and the decision to visit her adds a new layer to the story.

        Originality: 7

        The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While the concept of a protagonist experiencing strange phenomena is not entirely unique, the inclusion of Grandma Death and her book adds a fresh approach. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue contributes to the scene's originality.


        Character Development

        Characters: 8

        The characters in this scene, particularly Donnie and Gretchen, are well-developed and their interactions reveal their personalities and motivations. Donnie's increasing detachment and Gretchen's supportive nature are highlighted.

        Character Changes: 8

        Donnie undergoes a significant character change in this scene as he becomes more determined to uncover the truth and confronts his own fears and desires. His growing detachment from reality is also evident.

        Internal Goal: 8

        The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to find answers and make sense of the strange things he has been seeing. This reflects his deeper need for understanding and his fear of the unknown.

        External Goal: 7

        The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to meet Grandma Death and seek her guidance and knowledge. This reflects the immediate challenge of finding answers and overcoming his confusion.


        Scene Elements

        Conflict Level: 7

        There is a moderate level of conflict in this scene, primarily internal conflict within Donnie as he tries to make sense of his experiences and decides to visit Grandma Death. The conflict between Donnie and Gretchen regarding their relationship is also hinted at.

        Opposition: 6

        The opposition in this scene is not particularly strong. While there is some resistance from Gretchen and skepticism from the therapist, it does not pose a significant obstacle to the protagonist's goals.

        High Stakes: 8

        The stakes are high in this scene as Donnie's experiences become increasingly intense and he seeks answers to the strange occurrences. The introduction of time travel and the mysterious Grandma Death raise the stakes and add a sense of urgency.

        Story Forward: 9

        The scene moves the story forward significantly, introducing new plot elements and deepening the mystery surrounding Donnie's experiences. The decision to visit Grandma Death and the revelation of her connection to the book by Roberta Sparrow propel the story forward.

        Unpredictability: 7

        This scene is unpredictable because it introduces the character of Grandma Death and her potential role in the protagonist's journey. The audience is left wondering what will happen next and how it will impact the story.

        Philosophical Conflict: 6

        There is a philosophical conflict evident in this scene between the protagonist's belief in the significance of the strange things he has been seeing and the skepticism of others, including his therapist. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs, values, and worldview.


        Audience Engagement

        Emotional Impact: 9

        The scene has a strong emotional impact, particularly in Donnie's vulnerability and his search for answers. The revelation of his experiences and his frustration with Gretchen's reluctance to be intimate add depth to his character.

        Dialogue: 9

        The dialogue in this scene is engaging and thought-provoking. It effectively conveys the characters' emotions and motivations, and the conversations about time travel and personal experiences add depth to the story.

        Engagement: 8

        This scene is engaging because it introduces a mystery and raises questions about the protagonist's experiences. The dialogue and actions of the characters create tension and curiosity.

        Pacing: 8

        The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by balancing moments of introspection and action. The rhythm of the dialogue and the progression of the characters' movements maintain the audience's interest.


        Technical Aspect

        Formatting: 9

        The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It includes scene headings, character names, dialogue, and action descriptions in a clear and organized manner.

        Structure: 9

        The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It begins with an establishing shot, introduces the characters and their goals, and progresses through a series of actions and dialogue.


        Critique
        • The scene starts with Donnie and Gretchen walking down Old Gun Road, but there is no clear reason or purpose for this scene. It feels disconnected from the rest of the story and doesn't contribute to the overall plot or character development.
        • The dialogue between Donnie and Gretchen lacks depth and substance. They briefly discuss Donnie's suspension and Grandma Death, but there is no real exploration of these topics or their significance to the story.
        • The scene transitions to Grandma Death's house, but nothing happens there. They ring the doorbell, wait, and then leave. This adds unnecessary length to the scene without adding any meaningful content.
        • The conversation between Donnie and Dr. Thurman in the therapist's office feels forced and lacks authenticity. Donnie's demand for Dr. Thurman to share something embarrassing about herself feels out of character and doesn't contribute to the scene or the story.
        • The scene ends with Donnie asking Dr. Thurman if she has ever made love, which feels inappropriate and out of place in a therapy session. It doesn't serve any purpose in advancing the plot or developing the characters.
        Suggestions
        • Consider removing or reworking the scene of Donnie and Gretchen walking down Old Gun Road. If it doesn't serve a clear purpose or contribute to the story, it may be better to cut it.
        • Develop the dialogue between Donnie and Gretchen to provide more depth and insight into their characters and their relationship. Use this scene as an opportunity to explore their thoughts, feelings, and motivations.
        • If the scene at Grandma Death's house is meant to be significant, consider adding more tension or conflict to make it more engaging. Alternatively, if it doesn't serve a clear purpose, consider removing it.
        • Reconsider the dialogue between Donnie and Dr. Thurman in the therapist's office. Make it more authentic and meaningful, focusing on Donnie's struggles and the therapist's guidance.
        • Remove the inappropriate question about Dr. Thurman's sexual experiences. Instead, focus on Donnie's emotional journey and his need for guidance and support.



        Scene 28 -  Family Dinner and Physics Class
        INT. KITCHEN - NIGHT (7:15 P.M.)

        The entire family is having dinner. Donnie is lost in a
        trance.
        62.

        SAMANTHA
        Donnie, are you coming to my talent
        show tomorrow?

        Donnie ignores her.

        ROSE
        He can't, Samantha. He's been
        suspended from after-school
        activities. Donnie... are you still
        with us?
        (beat)
        How was your therapy session tonight?

        DONNIE
        Fine. You know, Dr. Thurman isn't so
        bad a lady. I can tell her anything.

        Rose appears surprised and then sad at this comment. She
        looks at Eddie, who just looks down at his plate of food.

        EXT. PHYSICS CLASS - DAY (12 P.M.)

        Donnie and Gretchen are at the front of the room, presenting
        their invention. Dr. Monnitoff presides.

        DONNIE
        So, we call them... IMGs.

        GRETCHEN
        Infant Memory Generators.

        DONNIE
        Yeah. So the idea is that... you buy
        these glasses for your infant, and
        they wear them at night when they
        sleep.

        GRETCHEN
        And inside these glasses are these
        slide photographs. And each photograph
        is of something peaceful... or
        beautiful. Whatever pictures the
        parent wants to put inside.

        DR. MONNITOFF
        What effect do you think this would
        have on an infant?

        DONNIE
        Well... the thing is, nobody remembers
        their infancy. And anyone who says
        they do is lying. We think that this
        would help develop memory earlier in
        life.
        63.

        DR. MONNITOFF
        Did you stop and think that maybe
        infants need darkness? That darkness
        is part of their natural development.

        Seth Davis raises his hand.

        SETH
        What if the parents, like... put in
        photographs of Satan... pentagrams,
        dead people... stuff like that?

        GRETCHEN
        Is that what you'd show your kids?

        SETH
        I mean, didn't your dad, like, stab
        your mom?

        Dr. Monnitoff looks over at Seth calmly.

        SETH (CONT'D)
        Get out.

        Seth begins to walk out. Gretchen doesn't answer. There is
        only the 80 IQ grin... staring back at her face. The room is
        silent.
        Genres: ["Drama","Mystery","Psychological"]

        Summary At the Darko family dinner, Donnie ignores Samantha's question about attending her talent show. Rose expresses concern about Donnie's behavior, and Donnie responds surprisingly positively about his therapy session. In physics class, Donnie and Gretchen present their Infant Memory Generator invention, facing skepticism from Dr. Monnitoff and a cruel joke from Seth Davis about Donnie's family. Gretchen remains silent and unresponsive to Seth's taunt.
        Strengths
        • Engaging dialogue
        • Exploration of character's inner turmoil
        • Thought-provoking themes
        Weaknesses
        • Lack of high stakes

        Ratings
        Overall

        Overall: 8

        The scene effectively portrays Donnie's detachment and inner turmoil, as well as his defiance towards authority. The dialogue is engaging and thought-provoking.


        Story Content

        Concept: 7

        The concept of exploring Donnie's hallucinations and his search for meaning in his experiences is intriguing. It adds depth to the story and raises questions about perception and reality.

        Plot: 7

        The plot progresses as Donnie's suspension and therapy sessions are discussed, and his interactions with Jim Cunningham and Gretchen provide further insight into his character and his experiences.

        Originality: 6

        The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While the concept of an invention and a family dinner are familiar elements, the specific details and conflicts presented add freshness to the scene. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue contributes to the originality.


        Character Development

        Characters: 8

        The characters are well-developed and their interactions reveal their personalities and motivations. Donnie's defiance and detachment, as well as Gretchen's support, are particularly compelling.

        Character Changes: 7

        Donnie's character undergoes subtle changes as he becomes more defiant and detached from reality. His interactions with authority figures shape his perspective and behavior.

        Internal Goal: 8

        The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to express his feelings of vulnerability and trust towards his therapist, Dr. Thurman. It reflects his deeper need for emotional support and understanding.

        External Goal: 7

        The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to present his invention, the Infant Memory Generators, to his physics class. It reflects the immediate challenge of gaining recognition and approval for his idea.


        Scene Elements

        Conflict Level: 7

        There is a moderate level of conflict in the scene, primarily between Donnie and authority figures such as Dr. Monnitoff and Jim Cunningham. Donnie's defiance and refusal to conform create tension.

        Opposition: 7

        The opposition in this scene is strong as Seth challenges the protagonist's invention and Dr. Monnitoff questions its effectiveness. The audience is unsure of how the protagonist will respond.

        High Stakes: 6

        The stakes are relatively low in this scene, focusing more on character development and exploration of themes. However, Donnie's defiance and detachment hint at potential consequences and conflicts.

        Story Forward: 7

        The scene provides further insight into Donnie's experiences and his search for meaning. It also sets up future conflicts and developments in the story.

        Unpredictability: 7

        This scene is unpredictable because it includes unexpected dialogue exchanges and conflicts, such as Seth's provocative question and Dr. Monnitoff's calm response.

        Philosophical Conflict: 7

        There is a philosophical conflict evident in this scene between the belief that the Infant Memory Generators would help develop memory earlier in life and the belief that darkness is part of infants' natural development. This challenges the protagonist's belief in the effectiveness of his invention.


        Audience Engagement

        Emotional Impact: 7

        The scene evokes a sense of unease and tension, particularly during Donnie's confrontation with Jim Cunningham. Donnie's detachment and inner turmoil also elicit empathy from the audience.

        Dialogue: 9

        The dialogue is engaging and thought-provoking, especially during Donnie's presentation in physics class and his confrontation with Jim Cunningham. It reveals the characters' perspectives and adds depth to the scene.

        Engagement: 9

        This scene is engaging because it presents conflicts and tensions between characters, creates curiosity about the protagonist's invention, and includes moments of humor and emotional depth.

        Pacing: 8

        The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by balancing moments of dialogue and action. It allows for the development of tension and emotional depth.


        Technical Aspect

        Formatting: 9

        The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It uses proper scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting. The action lines are clear and concise.

        Structure: 8

        The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It begins with a location and time description, followed by character dialogue and actions. The scene transitions smoothly between the kitchen and the physics class.


        Critique
        • The scene lacks clear conflict and tension. While there is some tension between Donnie and his family, it is not fully explored or developed.
        • The dialogue feels flat and lacks depth. There is a missed opportunity to delve into the emotional turmoil that Donnie is experiencing.
        • The scene could benefit from more visual elements to enhance the storytelling and engage the audience.
        • The pacing of the scene feels slow and could be tightened to maintain the audience's interest.
        • The emotional impact of Donnie's trance and his family's reaction to it is not fully explored or conveyed.
        Suggestions
        • Introduce a clear conflict or tension in the scene, such as Donnie's family expressing their concern about his recent behavior or Donnie struggling to communicate his experiences to them.
        • Add more depth to the dialogue by exploring the emotional turmoil that Donnie is experiencing. This could be done through a heartfelt conversation between Donnie and his family or a monologue where Donnie expresses his inner thoughts and struggles.
        • Incorporate more visual elements to enhance the storytelling. For example, show Donnie's trance through close-up shots of his face or use visual metaphors to represent his internal struggle.
        • Consider tightening the pacing of the scene by removing unnecessary dialogue or condensing certain moments. This will help maintain the audience's interest and keep the scene moving forward.
        • Focus on conveying the emotional impact of Donnie's trance and his family's reaction. Show their concern, confusion, and frustration through their facial expressions, body language, and dialogue.



        Scene 29 -  The Kiss and the Vision
        EXT. SCHOOL FRONT ENTRANCE - NEXT (2:15 P.M.)

        Gretchen walks out the front door. Donnie comes chasing after
        her.

        DONNIE
        Gretchen! Gretchen... wait up!

        She turns and faces him, tears in her eyes.

        DONNIE (CONT'D)
        I'm so sorry.

        They embrace... kissing for the first time.

        EXT. BYRD THEATRE - MAGIC HOUR (5:30 P.M.)

        The old-fashioned theater marquee reads:

        HALLOWEEN FRIGHTMARE
        THE EVIL DEAD / THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST

        Donnie and Gretchen approach the box office.

        DONNIE
        Two for "Evil Dead", please.
        64.

        INT. BYRD THEATRE - NEXT

        Donnie and Gretchen sit in the middle of the huge, empty
        theater.

        "The Evil Dead" unfolds. They eat popcorn and watch silently.
        Donnie looks over and sees that Gretchen is asleep.

        Donnie turns back to the movie... beginning to look ill.

        FRANK
        Feeling sick?

        Donnie turns his head over and looks across Gretchen. Frank
        is sitting next to her.

        FRANK (CONT'D)
        I want to show you something.

        DONNIE
        You have to do something for me first.

        FRANK
        You have a request?

        DONNIE
        Yeah. Tell me why you're wearing
        that stupid bunny suit.

        FRANK
        Why are you wearing that stupid man
        suit?

        DONNIE
        Take it off. I want to see you.

        After a moment, Frank slowly reaches up and removes the rabbit
        headpiece.

        Donnie's eyes widen.

        Underneath the headpiece is the human face of a handsome
        young man. His left eye does not exist, because it has
        imploded into the socket. There is blood oozing from the
        wound.

        FRANK
        Satisfied?

        Donnie just stares at him.

        DONNIE
        What happened to your eye?

        FRANK
        I am so sorry.
        65.

        DONNIE
        Why do they call you Frank?

        FRANK
        It is the name of my father... and
        his father before me.

        DONNIE
        How much longer is this gonna last?

        FRANK
        You should already know that.
        (beat)
        Watch the movie, Donnie. I have
        something to show you.

        Donnie looks at the screen.

        On the screen, "The Evil Dead" morphs into a Time Portal.

        FRANK (CONT'D)
        There's a storm coming.
        (beat)
        Have you ever seen a Portal, Donnie?

        Suddenly... the screen morphs into an image of a large Tudor
        house.

        FRANK (CONT'D)
        Burn it to the ground.

        Donnie pulls out Jim Cunningham's wallet from his pocket.

        Donnie contemplates his fate for several more moments, and
        then gets up and walks out.
        Genres: ["Drama","Mystery","Sci-Fi","Thriller"]

        Summary Donnie and Gretchen reconcile; they kiss and watch a film. During the film, Donnie has a vision involving Frank; Frank instructs him to burn down a Tudor house. Donnie leaves the theater in contemplation.
        Strengths
        • Engaging and suspenseful
        • Reveals important information
        • Advances the plot
        • Deepens the mystery
        Weaknesses
        • Some dialogue could be more concise

        Ratings
        Overall

        Overall: 9

        The scene is highly engaging and suspenseful, with significant revelations and confrontations that advance the plot and deepen the mystery.


        Story Content

        Concept: 9

        The concept of time travel and the connection between Donnie and Frank are introduced, adding a layer of intrigue and complexity to the story.

        Plot: 9

        The plot advances significantly with the introduction of time travel and the revelation of Grandma Death's true identity. The scene also sets up conflicts and tensions that will drive the story forward.

        Originality: 8

        This scene demonstrates a level of originality through the combination of horror and surrealism. The presence of a Time Portal and the mysterious character of Frank add unique elements to the scene. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue contributes to the originality.


        Character Development

        Characters: 8

        The characters, particularly Donnie and Frank, are intriguing and complex. Their interactions and revelations deepen the mystery and add depth to their personalities.

        Character Changes: 8

        Donnie undergoes significant changes in this scene, as he learns more about his visions, confronts Jim Cunningham, and explores his feelings for Gretchen.

        Internal Goal: 8

        The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to understand and confront the mysterious character Frank. This reflects his curiosity and desire for answers about the strange events happening around him.

        External Goal: 7

        The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to burn down a Tudor house, as instructed by Frank. This reflects the immediate challenge or task he is facing and his willingness to follow Frank's instructions.


        Scene Elements

        Conflict Level: 8

        There is a high level of conflict in the scene, both internal (Donnie's struggle with his visions and the pressure to conform) and external (Donnie's confrontation with Jim Cunningham and Seth Devlin).

        Opposition: 7

        The opposition in this scene is moderately strong. Donnie challenges Frank's motives and existence, while Frank presents obstacles and instructions for Donnie to follow. The audience is unsure of how Donnie will respond to the opposition.

        High Stakes: 8

        The stakes are high for Donnie, as he grapples with his visions, confronts Jim Cunningham, and explores the concept of time travel. The consequences of his actions and choices are significant.

        Story Forward: 9

        The scene moves the story forward by introducing important concepts, revealing new information, and setting up conflicts and tensions that will drive the plot.

        Unpredictability: 8

        This scene is unpredictable because it introduces unexpected elements, such as the revelation of Frank's true face and the request to burn down a Tudor house. These surprises challenge the audience's expectations and create intrigue.

        Philosophical Conflict: 9

        There is a philosophical conflict evident in this scene between Donnie and Frank. Donnie questions Frank's motives and existence, while Frank challenges Donnie's perception of reality and his willingness to follow instructions.


        Audience Engagement

        Emotional Impact: 8

        The scene evokes a range of emotions, including tension, curiosity, and empathy for Donnie's struggles.

        Dialogue: 8

        The dialogue is intense and thought-provoking, particularly in the conversations between Donnie and Frank, and Donnie and Dr. Thurman. It reveals important information and adds depth to the characters.

        Engagement: 9

        This scene is engaging because it introduces new information about the mysterious character Frank, raises questions about his motives and the protagonist's role, and includes surreal elements that pique the audience's curiosity.

        Pacing: 8

        The pacing of this scene contributes to its effectiveness by gradually building tension and suspense. It allows for moments of reflection and contemplation, while also maintaining a sense of forward momentum.


        Technical Aspect

        Formatting: 9

        The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre, with proper use of dialogue formatting, scene headings, and action lines. It is well-organized and easy to read.

        Structure: 8

        The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings, dialogue, and action lines. It effectively transitions between different locations and maintains a cohesive narrative flow.


        Critique
        • The scene lacks clear transitions between locations and time. It jumps abruptly from the school front entrance to the Byrd Theatre without any indication of how much time has passed.
        • The dialogue between Donnie and Gretchen feels rushed and lacks depth. It would benefit from more meaningful conversation and emotional exploration.
        • The introduction of Frank and the revelation of his disfigured face feels forced and out of place. It doesn't flow naturally with the rest of the scene.
        • The significance of the Time Portal and the instruction to burn down the Tudor house is not adequately explained or developed. It feels random and disconnected from the rest of the story.
        • The scene lacks visual descriptions and details that would enhance the reader's understanding of the setting and characters' actions.
        • The pacing of the scene is uneven, with moments of slow dialogue and sudden jumps in action. It could benefit from a more consistent and cohesive flow.
        • The emotional depth and impact of the scene could be improved by delving deeper into Donnie and Gretchen's relationship and their individual struggles.
        • The scene could benefit from clearer foreshadowing and setup for future events, as well as stronger connections to the overall plot and themes of the screenplay.
        Suggestions
        • Consider adding transitional elements, such as time stamps or visual cues, to indicate the passage of time and location changes.
        • Develop the dialogue between Donnie and Gretchen to explore their emotions, fears, and desires more deeply. This will help create a stronger connection between the characters and the audience.
        • Reconsider the introduction of Frank and the disfigured face reveal. It may be more effective to introduce Frank's character and his role in the story in a more gradual and organic way.
        • Provide more context and explanation for the significance of the Time Portal and the instruction to burn down the Tudor house. This will help the audience understand the stakes and the impact of Donnie's actions.
        • Include more visual descriptions and details to enhance the reader's understanding of the setting and the characters' actions. This will create a more immersive and engaging reading experience.
        • Work on the pacing of the scene to create a more consistent and cohesive flow. This can be achieved by balancing dialogue, action, and emotional beats.
        • Deepen the emotional depth and impact of the scene by exploring Donnie and Gretchen's relationship and their individual struggles in more detail. This will make their actions and choices more meaningful and relatable.
        • Ensure that the scene is well-connected to the overall plot and themes of the screenplay. Foreshadow future events and establish stronger links between the scene and the larger narrative.



        Scene 30 -  A Night of Performances and Arson
        EXT. BYRD THEATRE - NIGHT (6:30 P.M.)

        Donnie walks slowly past the theatre marquee.

        INT. AUDITORIUM - NIGHT (7 P.M.)

        On the stage, among blowing autumn leaves, Cherita Chen
        performs a strangely beautiful mime act to Symphony No. 3 by
        Henryk Gorecki.

        When her act is finally over, the crowd is indifferent, with
        scattered applause and laughter. Ms. Pomeroy stands up and
        applauds enthusiastically.

        Clearly affected by the laughter, Cherita walks offstage.

        In the front row, the entire Darko family has assembled.
        66.

        INT. AUDITORIUM BACKSTAGE - NIGHT (7:15 P.M.)

        Kitty Farmer stands with the five-member dance team in a
        huddle.

        MS. FARMER
        Now girls... I want you to
        concentrate. Failure is not an
        option. And Bethany... if you feel
        the need to vomit up there. Just
        swallow it.

        BETH
        OK, Mom.

        Jim Cunningham walks past them towards the stage. He stops
        and touches Samantha on the shoulder... smiling.

        JIM CUNNINGHAM
        Good luck out there.

        She smiles nervously back at him. He exits onto the stage.

        INT. AUDITORIUM STAGE - NEXT (7:20 P.M.)

        JIM CUNNINGHAM
        Thank you... Cherita Chen. That was
        Autumn Angel.
        (clearing throat)
        Next... it is my distinct pleasure
        to introduce to you... Emily Bates...
        Suzy Bailey... Samantha Darko...
        Beth Farmer ...and Joanie James.
        They are... SPARKLE MOTION!

        The audience roars with applause as the lights dim.

        The following montage alternates between the auditorium stage
        and Jim Cunningham's house.

        The stage lights slowly raise as the opening beat of 'West
        End Girls' by the Pet Shop Boys begins.

        Under the soft stage lights... Sparkle Motion unfolds.

        Donnie approaches Jim Cunningham's house.

        Sparkle Motion... in perfect synchronicity.

        In the living room of the house... Donnie walks through,
        dousing gasoline all over the place with psychotic force. A
        trail of fire spreads.

        A mystery woman emerges from the back wall of the auditorium.

        A couch and curtains become engulfed in flames.
        67.

        Middlesex girls are jumping up and down in the aisles.

        Eddie and Rose are smiling ear to ear.

        Elizabeth Darko is cracking up at the entire scene.

        Kids are going bonkers in the aisles.

        The mystery woman takes off her glasses.

        Slow motion: fire engulfs a deer taxidermy.

        Ms. Pomeroy gets into the groove.

        The parents are now on their feet.

        The crowd roars even louder.

        Slow motion: Sparkle Motion stands triumphant.

        Slow motion: Donnie stands before a wall of flames.
        Genres: ["Drama","Sci-Fi","Thriller"]

        Summary At the Byrd Theatre, Cherita Chen's mime act receives a lukewarm response, while Donnie Darko infiltrates Jim Cunningham's house and sets it ablaze. Meanwhile, the Sparkle Motion dance team, including Samantha Darko, performs onstage amidst Donnie's destructive actions.
        Strengths
        • Intense atmosphere
        • Mysterious elements
        • Tension and conflict
        Weaknesses
        • Some dialogue could be more impactful

        Ratings
        Overall

        Overall: 9

        The scene effectively combines multiple elements to create a tense and mysterious atmosphere. The introduction of the Sparkle Motion performance adds anticipation and excitement. The conflict between Donnie and Jim Cunningham adds depth to the plot.


        Story Content

        Concept: 8

        The concept of Donnie's hallucinations and his belief in time travel is intriguing and adds a layer of mystery to the story. The idea of burning down a house as a symbol of change and transformation is also interesting.

        Plot: 9

        The plot of the scene revolves around Donnie's hallucinations, his confrontation with Jim Cunningham, and the Sparkle Motion performance. These elements create tension and move the story forward.

        Originality: 9

        This scene has a level of originality in its depiction of a rebellious protagonist causing chaos during a performance. The actions and dialogue of the characters feel authentic and fresh, adding to the uniqueness of the scene.


        Character Development

        Characters: 8

        The characters in the scene, particularly Donnie and Jim Cunningham, are well-developed and their interactions add depth to the story. Donnie's internal struggle and Jim's false persona create interesting dynamics.

        Character Changes: 8

        Donnie experiences a significant character change in this scene as he confronts Jim Cunningham and stands up for what he believes in. This moment marks a turning point in his journey.

        Internal Goal: 8

        The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is not explicitly stated, but it can be inferred that Donnie is seeking some form of release or catharsis. His actions of dousing gasoline and setting fire to Jim Cunningham's house suggest a desire to rebel against societal norms and express his inner turmoil.

        External Goal: 7

        The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to disrupt the performance and cause chaos. This reflects the immediate circumstances of feeling trapped in a conformist society and wanting to break free from it.


        Scene Elements

        Conflict Level: 9

        The conflict between Donnie and Jim Cunningham adds tension and suspense to the scene. Donnie's internal conflict and struggle with his hallucinations also contribute to the overall conflict.

        Opposition: 8

        The opposition in this scene is strong, as the protagonist's actions directly challenge the conformist society and its values. The audience is unsure of how the situation will be resolved.

        High Stakes: 8

        The stakes are high in this scene as Donnie confronts Jim Cunningham and risks exposing his own beliefs and struggles. The Sparkle Motion performance also carries high stakes for Samantha and the other girls.

        Story Forward: 9

        The scene moves the story forward by introducing new elements, such as the Sparkle Motion performance and Donnie's confrontation with Jim Cunningham. It also deepens the mystery surrounding Donnie's hallucinations and his belief in time travel.

        Unpredictability: 8

        This scene is unpredictable because it includes unexpected actions, such as Donnie dousing gasoline and setting fire to the house. The audience is unsure of how the scene will unfold.

        Philosophical Conflict: 9

        There is a philosophical conflict evident in this scene between conformity and rebellion. The protagonist's actions challenge the values and beliefs of the conformist society, represented by the indifferent audience and the strict instructions given by Kitty Farmer.


        Audience Engagement

        Emotional Impact: 8

        The scene evokes a range of emotions, including tension, anticipation, and curiosity. Donnie's internal struggle and the intensity of the Sparkle Motion performance add to the emotional impact.

        Dialogue: 7

        The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the tension and conflict between Donnie and Jim Cunningham. It also reveals Donnie's inner thoughts and struggles.

        Engagement: 9

        This scene is engaging because it creates a sense of anticipation, tension, and chaos. The actions and dialogue of the characters keep the audience invested in the outcome.

        Pacing: 9

        The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension and suspense. The alternating shots between the stage and the house create a sense of urgency and chaos.


        Technical Aspect

        Formatting: 9

        The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It includes clear scene headings, action lines, and dialogue.

        Structure: 8

        The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It starts with an exterior shot, transitions to the auditorium, and then alternates between the stage and Jim Cunningham's house.


        Critique
        • The scene starts with Donnie walking past the theatre marquee, but there is no clear reason or purpose for this action. It feels disconnected from the rest of the scene and doesn't contribute to the overall story.
        • Cherita Chen's mime act to Symphony No. 3 by Henryk Gorecki is described as strangely beautiful, but the audience's reaction is indifferent with scattered applause and laughter. This creates a confusing and contradictory tone.
        • The transition from Cherita's performance to the Darko family in the front row is abrupt and lacks a smooth flow. It feels like a disjointed jump in time and space.
        • The backstage scene with Kitty Farmer and the dance team doesn't add much to the overall story and feels unnecessary. It could be cut to streamline the scene.
        • The introduction of Sparkle Motion and their performance to 'West End Girls' by the Pet Shop Boys is described in a montage format, which makes it difficult to visualize the scene and connect with the characters.
        • The mystery woman who emerges from the back wall of the auditorium is not properly introduced or explained. Her presence feels random and confusing.
        • The scene ends with Donnie contemplating his fate, but there is no clear resolution or direction for his character. It leaves the audience hanging without a clear sense of what will happen next.
        Suggestions
        • Consider removing the opening shot of Donnie walking past the theatre marquee unless it serves a specific purpose or adds to the overall story.
        • Provide more clarity and consistency in the audience's reaction to Cherita's performance. Decide whether it is meant to be beautiful or indifferent, and adjust the tone accordingly.
        • Smooth out the transition between Cherita's performance and the Darko family in the front row to create a more seamless flow.
        • Consider removing the backstage scene with Kitty Farmer and the dance team to streamline the scene and focus on the main characters.
        • Instead of describing Sparkle Motion's performance in a montage format, provide more specific details and actions to help the reader visualize the scene and connect with the characters.
        • Introduce the mystery woman in a clearer and more meaningful way to avoid confusion and random appearances.
        • Provide a clearer resolution or direction for Donnie's character at the end of the scene to give the audience a sense of what will happen next.



        Scene 31 -  A Night of Reflection and Paternal Encouragement
        EXT. SCHOOL AUDITORIUM - NIGHT (8 P.M.)

        Cherita sits alone in the courtyard at the base of the mongrel
        statue... defeated and alone.

        INT. BYRD THEATRE - NIGHT (9 P.M.)

        Donnie walks into the theatre and sits next to Gretchen, who
        is asleep. As the credits to the film roll, Donnie wakes
        her.

        GRETCHEN
        (disoriented)
        What? How long was I asleep?

        DONNIE
        The whole movie. Let's go.

        INT. JIM CUNNINGHAM'S HOUSE - NIGHT (9:45 P.M.)

        Firemen walk through the charred room shining flashlight.

        A Fireman shines his flashlight onto a mysterious door with
        smoke emerging from it.

        He kicks the door in... and shines the flashlight into the
        dark hole.

        EXT. CARPATHIAN RIDGE - SUNRISE (5 A.M.)

        Donnie and Gretchen lie awake on a pile of blankets... staring
        out into the abyssal canyon.
        68.

        Helicopter shot: we swoop down over Carpathian Ridge... past
        Donnie and Gretchen... over the canyon and the endless expanse
        of evergreen forest.

        Title card:

        OCTOBER 22 1988

        EXT. DARKO HOUSE BACKYARD / PATIO - MORNING (11 A.M.)

        Donnie and Eddie are in the backyard raking leaves onto a
        giant sheet.

        DONNIE
        I know everyone thinks I'm a nutcase.
        I've been getting a lot of weird
        looks from people lately.

        They rake in silence for a moment.

        EDDIE
        (angry)
        Who's been giving you weird looks?

        DONNIE
        A lot of people. Teachers. Younger
        kids. It's like they're afraid of
        me for some reason.
        (beat)
        But that's OK... because I know I
        deserve it.

        Eddie stops raking.

        EDDIE
        You're my only son...

        DONNIE
        I know, Dad.

        EDDIE
        I know I'm not the best...
        communicator.
        (beat)
        But whatever happens in your life...
        whatever obstacles you come up
        against... you just say... and do
        whatever is in your heart. You be
        honest... and tell the truth... even
        if they look at you funny... and
        they will. They'll tell you that
        you're wrong. They'll call you a
        fool.
        (beat)
        But what you've got to understand,
        son, is that almost all of those
        (MORE)
        69.

        EDDIE (CONT'D)
        people are full of bullshit... and
        they're scared of people like you.
        Because you're smarter than all of
        them.

        Donnie smiles at his father.
        Genres: ["Drama","Sci-Fi","Thriller"]

        Summary Cherita sits alone and defeated in the courtyard. Donnie and Gretchen attend a movie, spend the night on Carpathian Ridge, and Donnie receives encouragement from Eddie to be honest and truthful. Firemen investigate Jim Cunningham's charred house, discovering a mysterious door with smoke emerging from it.
        Strengths
        • Intense and impactful moments
        • Exploration of internal struggles and character development
        • Building tension and suspense
        Weaknesses
        • Dialogue could be more memorable and impactful

        Ratings
        Overall

        Overall: 9

        The scene is highly impactful and intense, with a strong focus on Donnie's internal struggles and the revelation of his destructive actions.


        Story Content

        Concept: 8

        The concept of Donnie's hallucinations and his belief in time travel is intriguing and adds depth to the story.

        Plot: 9

        The plot progresses significantly as Donnie takes a drastic action by burning down Jim Cunningham's house, leading to potential consequences and further exploration of his character.

        Originality: 6

        The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While the situations and themes explored are not entirely unique, the authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds a fresh and relatable perspective.


        Character Development

        Characters: 8

        The characters, especially Donnie, are well-developed and their actions and motivations are explored in depth.

        Character Changes: 9

        Donnie undergoes a significant change as he embraces his darker impulses and takes a destructive action.

        Internal Goal: 8

        The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to find validation and acceptance despite feeling like a 'nutcase' and receiving weird looks from people. This reflects his deeper need for understanding and connection.

        External Goal: 7

        The protagonist's external goal in this scene is not explicitly stated. However, it can be inferred that he wants to have a meaningful conversation with his father and receive his support.


        Scene Elements

        Conflict Level: 9

        The conflict between Donnie's internal struggles and his actions, as well as the potential consequences of burning down Jim Cunningham's house, creates a high level of tension.

        Opposition: 4

        The opposition in this scene is not strong. The protagonist's father is supportive and understanding, which reduces the tension and conflict.

        High Stakes: 9

        The stakes are high as Donnie's actions could have severe consequences for himself and those around him.

        Story Forward: 9

        The scene moves the story forward by revealing Donnie's descent into darkness and setting up potential consequences for his actions.

        Unpredictability: 6

        This scene is unpredictable because it explores the protagonist's vulnerability and his father's unexpected support. The audience may not have anticipated this level of understanding and acceptance.

        Philosophical Conflict: 0

        There is no evident philosophical conflict in this scene.


        Audience Engagement

        Emotional Impact: 9

        The scene evokes strong emotions, particularly in Donnie's moments of introspection and his destructive actions.

        Dialogue: 7

        The dialogue is effective in conveying the emotions and conflicts of the characters, but it could be more impactful and memorable.

        Engagement: 9

        This scene is engaging because it delves into the protagonist's inner struggles and his relationship with his father. The emotional dialogue and the desire for acceptance create a sense of empathy and intrigue.

        Pacing: 7

        The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by allowing moments of silence and reflection. It gives the audience time to absorb the emotional dialogue and the characters' reactions.


        Technical Aspect

        Formatting: 9

        The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It includes proper scene headings, character names, dialogue formatting, and action lines.

        Structure: 8

        The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It includes clear scene headings, concise action lines, and dialogue.


        Critique
        • The scene lacks clear direction and purpose. It seems to be a transitional scene with no significant conflict or development.
        • The dialogue between Donnie and Gretchen is minimal and lacks depth. It does not reveal much about their characters or their relationship.
        • The visual elements of the scene are also lacking. There is no description of the setting or any visual cues to enhance the atmosphere or mood.
        • The scene ends abruptly with Donnie smiling at his father, which feels out of place and does not provide a satisfying conclusion.
        • Overall, the scene feels disjointed and does not contribute much to the overall story or character development.
        Suggestions
        • Consider adding more conflict or tension to the scene to make it more engaging and meaningful.
        • Develop the dialogue between Donnie and Gretchen to reveal more about their characters and their relationship.
        • Include more visual descriptions to enhance the atmosphere and mood of the scene.
        • Provide a clearer purpose or goal for the scene to drive the story forward.
        • Consider reworking the ending to provide a more satisfying conclusion or transition to the next scene.



        Scene 32 -  Shocking Discovery
        INT. DONNIE'S ROOM - AFTERNOON (1 P.M.)

        Donnie sits on his bed and stares at the calendar on his
        wall. Each day is marked with an X.

        He takes his pills from his nightstand... and downs three.

        There are noises coming from downstairs.

        INT. FAMILY ROOM - AFTERNOON

        Donnie comes downstairs to see Elizabeth glued to the TV.

        ELIZABETH
        Oh my God, that's him. That's the
        guy from last night.

        On the television: a Newscaster stands in front of the charred
        heap of what was once a large suburban house. Firefighters
        mill about behind her.

        NEWSCASTER
        As firefighters continue their
        investigation, arson has not been
        ruled out as a cause of the fire,
        particularly because of the shocking
        discovery made earlier today among
        the burned ruins. In the basement of
        the house, authorities have discovered
        what has been described as a kiddie-
        porn dungeon.

        Policemen emerge from the basement with several large boxes
        of evidence.

        NEWSCASTER (CONT'D)
        Cunningham, who has become a recent
        celebrity for his motivational books,
        audio tapes and videos, ducked his
        head from cameras when he was arrested
        at the Sarasota Heights Golf Club
        this morning. In a vicious statement,
        Cunning Visions executive Linda Connie
        attacked the Middlesex Fire
        Department... claiming a vast
        conspiracy.

        Donnie stares at the television... speechless, horrified. On
        the TV, Jim Cunningham hides his face from the camera.
        70.

        ELIZABETH
        Oh my God. Dad played golf with
        that guy.

        Donnie says nothing, turns around... and walks upstairs.
        Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

        Summary Donnie takes three pills from his nightstand and hears noises downstairs. He investigates and sees a news report about Jim Cunningham's arrest for child pornography and arson. Donnie is horrified and speechless. He turns around and walks upstairs.
        Strengths
        • Shocking revelation
        • Intense emotional impact
        • Strong character reactions
        Weaknesses

          Ratings
          Overall

          Overall: 9

          The scene is highly impactful and intense, with a shocking revelation that adds a new layer of darkness to the story.


          Story Content

          Concept: 8

          The concept of a seemingly respectable motivational speaker being exposed as a pedophile adds a disturbing twist to the narrative.

          Plot: 9

          The plot takes a significant turn with the revelation about Jim Cunningham, raising the stakes and adding a sense of urgency.

          Originality: 7

          The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While the concept of a respected public figure being involved in illegal activities is not entirely unique, the specific circumstances and the protagonist's emotional reaction add freshness to the familiar trope. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue contributes to the originality of the scene.


          Character Development

          Characters: 8

          The characters' reactions to the news reveal their moral compass and further develop their arcs.

          Character Changes: 7

          The revelation about Jim Cunningham prompts a shift in the characters' perception of him and their understanding of the world around them.

          Internal Goal: 8

          The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to process and come to terms with the shocking revelation about Jim Cunningham, the celebrity motivational speaker. This reflects Donnie's deeper need for truth and justice, as well as his fear of the dark secrets that may exist beneath the surface of seemingly respectable individuals.

          External Goal: 7

          The protagonist's external goal in this scene is not explicitly stated, but it can be inferred that Donnie's immediate challenge is to navigate the emotional impact of the scandal and decide how to respond to the information he has learned.


          Scene Elements

          Conflict Level: 8

          The conflict in this scene arises from the shocking revelation and the emotional impact it has on the characters.

          Opposition: 7

          The opposition in this scene is strong as the protagonist is faced with a shocking revelation that challenges his beliefs and potentially puts him in conflict with the respected public figure involved. The audience is unsure of how Donnie will respond to this opposition.

          High Stakes: 10

          The discovery of a kiddie-porn dungeon raises the stakes significantly and adds a sense of danger and urgency to the narrative.

          Story Forward: 9

          The revelation about Jim Cunningham adds a new layer of complexity to the story and propels it forward with increased tension.

          Unpredictability: 8

          This scene is unpredictable because it introduces a surprising twist in the form of Jim Cunningham's involvement in illegal activities. The audience does not expect a respected public figure to be connected to such a scandal.

          Philosophical Conflict: 9

          There is a philosophical conflict evident in this scene between the facade of respectability and success that Jim Cunningham presents to the world and the dark truth of his involvement in illegal activities. This challenges Donnie's beliefs about the nature of authority figures and the importance of authenticity.


          Audience Engagement

          Emotional Impact: 10

          The scene evokes strong emotions of horror, shock, and disbelief, leaving a lasting impact on the audience.

          Dialogue: 7

          The dialogue is minimal in this scene, but the news report and Elizabeth's reaction provide impactful lines.

          Engagement: 9

          This scene is engaging because it presents a shocking revelation that challenges the protagonist's beliefs and sets up a potential conflict. The concise and impactful dialogue and the protagonist's emotional reaction create a sense of suspense and intrigue.

          Pacing: 9

          The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by gradually building tension through the protagonist's silent reaction and the revelation in the television news report. The scene moves at a steady pace, allowing the audience to absorb the shock and process the information.


          Technical Aspect

          Formatting: 9

          The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. The scene headings, action lines, and dialogue are properly formatted and clear.

          Structure: 8

          The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It begins with an establishing shot of Donnie's room, then transitions to the family room where the revelation is made through a television news report. The scene ends with Donnie's emotional reaction and decision to leave.


          Critique
          • The scene starts abruptly without any context or transition from the previous scene. It would be helpful to have a smoother transition to establish the time and location.
          • The dialogue between Donnie and Elizabeth feels forced and lacks depth. It would benefit from more natural and meaningful conversation that reveals their relationship and emotions.
          • The news report on the TV feels like an exposition dump and lacks subtlety. It could be more effective to show Donnie's reaction to the news rather than relying on the TV to provide information.
          • Donnie's reaction to the news is not explored in depth. It would be more impactful to show his emotional turmoil and internal struggle.
          • The scene lacks visual descriptions and details, making it difficult to visualize the setting and characters' actions.
          • The pacing of the scene feels rushed, with important information being delivered quickly without allowing the audience to fully absorb it.
          • The dialogue could be more nuanced and reflective of the characters' personalities and relationships.
          • The scene could benefit from more subtext and layers of meaning to create a sense of tension and intrigue.
          • The scene could be improved by incorporating more sensory details and vivid imagery to engage the reader's imagination.
          • The ending of the scene feels abrupt and leaves the reader wanting more resolution or a clearer sense of what comes next.
          Suggestions
          • Consider adding a transitional element to connect this scene to the previous one, such as a visual or auditory cue.
          • Rewrite the dialogue between Donnie and Elizabeth to make it more authentic and revealing of their relationship dynamics.
          • Instead of relying on a news report, show Donnie's reaction to the news through his facial expressions, body language, or internal thoughts.
          • Explore Donnie's emotional journey more deeply, allowing the audience to empathize with his shock and horror.
          • Include more visual descriptions to set the scene and create a vivid atmosphere.
          • Slow down the pacing of the scene to give the audience time to process the information and emotions.
          • Revise the dialogue to make it more nuanced and reflective of the characters' unique voices and perspectives.
          • Add layers of subtext and hidden meanings to create intrigue and suspense.
          • Incorporate sensory details and vivid imagery to enhance the reader's immersion in the scene.
          • Consider adding a concluding moment or resolution to provide a sense of closure or anticipation for the next scene.



          Scene 33 -  Time Travel and Destiny
          INT. PHYSICS CLASS - DAY (2 P.M.)

          Donnie and Dr. Monnitoff are having another in-depth
          conversation.

          DR. MONNITOFF
          Each vessel travels along a vector
          path through space-time... along its
          centre of gravity.

          DONNIE
          (to himself)
          Like a spear.

          DR. MONNITOFF
          Beg pardon?

          DONNIE
          Like a spear that comes out of your
          stomach?

          DR. MONNITOFF
          Uhh... sure. And in order for the
          vessel to travel through time it
          must find the portal, in this case
          the wormhole, or some unforeseen
          portal that lies undiscovered.

          DONNIE
          Could these wormholes appear in
          nature?

          DR. MONNITOFF
          That... is highly unlikely. You're
          talking about an act of God.

          DONNIE
          If God controls time... then all
          time is pre-decided. Then every living
          thing travels along a set path.

          DR. MONNITOFF
          I'm not following you.

          DONNIE
          If you could see your path or channel
          growing out of your stomach, you
          could see into the future. And that's
          a form of time travel, right?
          71.

          DR. MONNITOFF
          You are contradicting yourself,
          Donnie. If we could see our destines
          manifest themselves visually... then
          we would be given the choice to betray
          our chosen destinies. The very fact
          that this choice exists... would
          mean that all pre-formed destiny
          would end.

          DONNIE
          Not if you chose to stay within God's
          channel...

          DR. MONNITOFF
          (cutting him off)
          Donnie, I'm afraid I can't continue
          this conversation. I could lose my
          job.
          Genres: ["Drama","Sci-Fi","Thriller"]

          Summary Donnie and Dr. Monnitoff debate the nature of time travel and destiny. Donnie suggests that if humans could see their future paths, they would have the choice to alter them, contradicting the idea of pre-determined destinies. Dr. Monnitoff argues that if choices exist, then destiny does not. They discuss the scientific theories about time travel and the unlikely possibility of natural wormholes. Dr. Monnitoff ends the conversation due to concerns about losing his job.
          Strengths
          • Engaging dialogue
          • Intense confrontation
          • Revelation of a dark secret
          • Exploration of time travel and destiny
          Weaknesses
          • Limited emotional depth in dialogue

          Ratings
          Overall

          Overall: 9

          The scene is highly engaging and thought-provoking, with intense moments of confrontation and a significant revelation. The exploration of time travel and destiny adds depth to the story.


          Story Content

          Concept: 9

          The concept of time travel and the idea of pre-determined destiny are explored in a compelling way. The scene raises intriguing questions about free will and the nature of reality.

          Plot: 9

          The plot progresses significantly in this scene, with the discovery of Jim Cunningham's dark secret and Donnie's confrontation with him. The scene also sets up future events by introducing the idea of burning down a Tudor house.

          Originality: 9

          This scene demonstrates a level of originality through its exploration of the philosophical implications of time travel. The dialogue presents fresh approaches to familiar concepts and challenges the audience's beliefs and values. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


          Character Development

          Characters: 8

          The characters in this scene, particularly Donnie and Jim Cunningham, are well-developed and their motivations and conflicts are clearly portrayed. Donnie's anger and determination to uncover the truth make him a compelling protagonist.

          Character Changes: 8

          Donnie experiences a significant change in this scene as he confronts Jim Cunningham and takes a stand against his false advice. This confrontation marks a turning point in Donnie's journey.

          Internal Goal: 8

          The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to explore the concept of time travel and its implications. This reflects their curiosity and desire for knowledge.

          External Goal: 6

          The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to engage in a meaningful conversation with Dr. Monnitoff about time travel. It reflects their interest in the subject and their desire to understand it better.


          Scene Elements

          Conflict Level: 8

          There is a high level of conflict in this scene, both internal (Donnie's struggle with his beliefs and visions) and external (his confrontation with Jim Cunningham). The conflict adds tension and drives the plot forward.

          Opposition: 7

          The opposition in this scene is moderate. While there is a difference of opinion between the protagonist and Dr. Monnitoff, it is not a strong or intense conflict. The audience is left uncertain about the outcome of the conversation.

          High Stakes: 9

          The stakes are high in this scene as Donnie confronts Jim Cunningham and risks exposing his dark secret. The revelation of child pornography and arson adds a sense of danger and urgency.

          Story Forward: 9

          The scene moves the story forward significantly by revealing Jim Cunningham's dark secret and setting up future events with the mention of burning down a Tudor house. It also deepens the exploration of time travel and destiny.

          Unpredictability: 6

          This scene is unpredictable because it challenges the audience's expectations by presenting conflicting viewpoints on the concept of time travel. The protagonist's unique perspective adds an element of unpredictability to the scene.

          Philosophical Conflict: 9

          The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the debate between pre-determined destiny and free will. The protagonist believes that if all time is pre-decided, then every living thing travels along a set path. Dr. Monnitoff, on the other hand, argues that the existence of choice means that pre-formed destiny would end.


          Audience Engagement

          Emotional Impact: 8

          The scene evokes a range of emotions, from curiosity and intrigue to anger and horror. The revelation of Jim Cunningham's dark secret and Donnie's determination to uncover the truth create a strong emotional impact.

          Dialogue: 7

          The dialogue in this scene is mostly focused on the discussion of time travel and destiny between Donnie and Dr. Monnitoff. While it is thought-provoking, it could benefit from more emotional depth and variety.

          Engagement: 7

          This scene is engaging because it presents a thought-provoking conversation between the protagonist and Dr. Monnitoff. The audience is drawn into the intellectual debate about time travel and its implications.

          Pacing: 8

          The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by allowing the audience to absorb and contemplate the philosophical ideas presented. It gives enough time for the dialogue to unfold naturally.


          Technical Aspect

          Formatting: 9

          The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It uses proper scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting.

          Structure: 8

          The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It begins with a location and time description, followed by character dialogue and minimal scene direction.


          Critique
          • The conversation between Donnie and Dr. Monnitoff feels a bit disjointed and lacks a clear focus. The dialogue jumps from discussing time travel to the concept of pre-determined destinies without a smooth transition.
          • The dialogue could benefit from more clarity and specificity. Some of the statements made by Donnie and Dr. Monnitoff are vague and could be further developed to provide a deeper understanding of the concepts being discussed.
          • The scene could benefit from more visual elements to break up the dialogue and add visual interest. This could help to engage the audience and make the scene more dynamic.
          • The ending of the scene, where Donnie says nothing and walks upstairs, feels abrupt and lacks a clear resolution or transition to the next scene.
          Suggestions
          • Consider restructuring the dialogue to have a clearer progression of ideas. Start with a clear focus on time travel and then transition into the concept of pre-determined destinies.
          • Add more specific examples and explanations to the dialogue to make the concepts more concrete and easier for the audience to understand.
          • Introduce visual elements to break up the dialogue and add visual interest. This could include showing diagrams or illustrations of the concepts being discussed.
          • Consider adding a closing line or action to provide a smoother transition to the next scene and give the audience a sense of closure.



          Scene 34 -  Conflict and Passion at Middlesex Ridge School
          INT. TEACHER'S LOUNGE - AFTERNOON (2:30 P.M.)

          Ms. Pomeroy sits across from Dr. Monnitoff. They both grade
          papers silently.

          Dr. Monnitoff stares at her for a long moment.

          DR. MONNITOFF
          (incredulous)
          Donnie... Darko.

          She stares at him for a while, haunted by something.

          INT. PRINCIPAL COLE'S OFFICE - AFTERNOON (3 P.M.)

          Ms. Pomeroy sits across from Principal Cole.

          PRINCIPAL COLE
          I'm sorry, Karen, this is a
          specialised school. We don't think
          the methods you've undertaken here
          are appropriate.

          MS. POMEROY
          "Appropriate".
          (trying to contain
          her anger)
          With all due respect, sir, what
          specifically about my methods do you
          find inappropriate?

          Principal Cole stares at her for a moment.

          PRINCIPAL COLE
          I don't have to get myself into a
          debate about this, Karen, I believe
          I have made myself clear.
          72.

          MS. POMEROY
          You call this... clarity? I don't
          think you have a clue what it's really
          like to communicate with these kids.
          You don't think that they can smell
          your bullshit from a mile away? Every
          day that goes by ...that we fail
          to... inspire them... is another
          moment that we all lose. And we are
          losing them to apathy, and this...
          prescribed nonsense. They are slipping
          away...

          PRINCIPAL COLE
          I am sorry that you have failed. Now
          if you'll excuse me, I have another
          appointment. You can finish out the
          week.

          INT. SCHOOL OFFICE / TEACHER'S LOUNGE - NEXT (3:15 P.M.)

          Ms. Pomeroy steps out from Principal Cole's office. She sees
          Kitty Farmer and the Sparkle Motion girls milling about. The
          mystery woman is there as well.

          Ms. Pomeroy glares at Kitty Farmer before leaving.

          EXT. MIDDLESEX RIDGE SCHOOL - NEXT (3:30 P.M.)

          Ms. Pomeroy steps outside through an emergency exit. She
          stares out at the beautiful forest. Her eyes are filled with
          tears.

          MS. POMEROY
          FUUUUUUUCKKKKKK!!!!!

          Hearing the scream from the distance, we see Cherita Chen
          turn her head in shock as she walks alone along the edge of
          the school building, eating her lunch.

          She and Ms. Pomeroy share a moment of eye contact before she
          turns and heads back into the school.

          INT. MAIN SCHOOL HALLWAY - NEXT (3:45 P.M.)

          Ms. Pomeroy walks slowly through the hallway, wiping tears
          from her face.

          PRINCIPAL COLE
          (over the intercom)
          Good afternoon. It is my great
          pleasure to announce that the
          Middlesex Middle School dance team
          has been invited to perform on Ed
          McMahon's Star Search '88 in Los
          Angeles, California...
          73.

          INT. PRINCIPAL COLE'S OFFIC - NEXT (3:45 P.M.)

          The Sparkle Motion girls squeal with excitement... jumping
          up and down. Kitty Farmer pumps her fist in victory.

          Suddenly... Linda Connie bursts into the office, grabbing
          Kitty by the arm. The teacher holds up a newspaper... where
          there is a headline that reads: JIM CUNNINGHAM CHARGED.

          Kitty's facial expression goes from elation to horror.

          INT. ENGLISH CLASS - MORNING (8:30 P.M.)

          The classroom is dark. The students watch "Watership Down",
          the movie.

          Donnie is asleep. Gretchen stares at him. Ms. Pomeroy stares
          at Gretchen.

          Suddenly, she turns on the lights, turning off the TV.

          Donnie wakes up... with dark circles under his eyes.

          MS. POMEROY
          And when the other rabbits hear of
          Fiver's vision, do they believe him?
          (cough)
          It could be the death of an entire
          way of life, the end of an era.

          DONNIE
          Why should we care?

          MS. POMEROY
          Because the rabbits are us, Donnie.

          DONNIE
          Why should I mourn for a rabbit like
          it was a human?

          MS. POMEROY
          Is the death of one species less
          tragic than another?

          DONNIE
          Of course. A rabbit is not like us.
          It has no history books... it has no
          knowledge of sorrow or regret. I
          like bunnies and all. They're cute...
          and they're horny. And if you're
          cute and horny... then you're probably
          happy that you don't know who you
          are... or why you're even alive. But
          the only thing I've known rabbits to
          do is have sex as many times as
          possible before they die.
          74.

          He looks over at Gretchen, who looks angry at this.

          DONNIE (CONT'D)
          There's no point in crying for a
          dead rabbit... who never feared death
          to begin with.

          The class is silent for a moment.

          GRETCHEN
          You're wrong.
          (beat)
          You're wrong about these rabbits.
          These rabbits can talk. They are the
          product of the authors imagination.
          And he cares for them. So we care
          for them too. We care that their
          home has been destroyed... and that
          their lives are in danger. Otherwise
          ...we've missed the point.

          MS. POMEROY
          But aren't we forgetting the miracle
          of storytelling? The dea ex machina.
          The god machine. That is how the
          rabbits are saved.

          Gretchen looks across the room at Donnie with a disdainful
          expression.
          Genres: ["Drama","Psychological Thriller"]

          Summary This scene captures the passionate debate over teaching methods between Ms. Pomeroy and Principal Cole. Ms. Pomeroy's unconventional approach conflicts with the school's traditionalism, leading to her resignation. Amidst this, Donnie and Gretchen engage in a philosophical discussion about life and storytelling, exploring the power of imagination and empathy.
          Strengths
          • Intense emotional performances
          • Powerful dialogue
          • Effective portrayal of internal conflict
          Weaknesses
          • Some dialogue could be more nuanced

          Ratings
          Overall

          Overall: 9

          The scene is highly impactful and emotionally charged, with intense confrontations and revelations. It effectively builds tension and raises the stakes for the characters.


          Story Content

          Concept: 8

          The concept of the scene revolves around the characters' struggle with their own identities and the consequences of their actions. It delves into the themes of truth, deception, and the impact of authority figures on individuals.

          Plot: 8

          The plot of the scene focuses on the conflict between Ms. Pomeroy and Principal Cole regarding her teaching methods. It also introduces the revelation of Jim Cunningham's arrest, which adds a new layer of tension and raises the stakes for the characters.

          Originality: 7

          The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While the conflict between teachers and the educational system is a familiar theme, the specific dialogue exchanges and emotional intensity bring a fresh approach to the topic. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


          Character Development

          Characters: 9

          The characters in the scene are well-developed and their emotions and motivations are effectively portrayed. Ms. Pomeroy's frustration and passion, Principal Cole's dismissiveness, and the Sparkle Motion girls' excitement and horror are all convincingly portrayed.

          Character Changes: 8

          The characters undergo significant emotional changes in the scene. Ms. Pomeroy expresses her frustration and passion, Principal Cole reveals his dismissiveness, and the Sparkle Motion girls experience a shift from excitement to horror.

          Internal Goal: 8

          Ms. Pomeroy's internal goal in this scene is to defend her teaching methods and express her frustration with the school's approach to education. This reflects her deeper need to make a meaningful impact on her students' lives and her fear of losing them to apathy.

          External Goal: 7

          Ms. Pomeroy's external goal in this scene is to confront Principal Cole about his disapproval of her teaching methods. This reflects the immediate challenge she is facing in maintaining her position as a teacher at the school.


          Scene Elements

          Conflict Level: 9

          The conflict in the scene is intense and multi-layered. There is a conflict between Ms. Pomeroy and Principal Cole, as well as the internal conflicts faced by the characters regarding their identities and actions.

          Opposition: 7

          The opposition in this scene is strong, as Ms. Pomeroy faces resistance from Dr. Monnitoff, Principal Cole, and the school system. The audience is unsure of how the conflict will be resolved.

          High Stakes: 9

          The stakes in the scene are high, as the characters' identities, careers, and relationships are at risk. The revelation of Jim Cunningham's arrest adds a new layer of danger and uncertainty.

          Story Forward: 9

          The scene moves the story forward by introducing new conflicts and raising the stakes for the characters. It also deepens the audience's understanding of the characters' motivations and emotions.

          Unpredictability: 6

          This scene is somewhat predictable because it follows a familiar conflict between teachers and the educational system. However, the specific dialogue exchanges and emotional intensity add some unpredictability to the scene.

          Philosophical Conflict: 9

          The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the clash between Ms. Pomeroy's belief in the importance of inspiring and connecting with students and Principal Cole's adherence to prescribed educational methods. This challenges Ms. Pomeroy's values and worldview, as she sees the students slipping away due to the lack of inspiration.


          Audience Engagement

          Emotional Impact: 10

          The scene is highly emotionally impactful, with intense confrontations and revelations. The characters' emotions are effectively portrayed, and the audience is likely to be deeply affected by the emotional turmoil depicted.

          Dialogue: 8

          The dialogue in the scene is impactful and reveals the characters' emotions and motivations. The confrontation between Ms. Pomeroy and Principal Cole is particularly intense and well-written.

          Engagement: 9

          This scene is engaging because it presents a conflict between characters with high stakes and emotional intensity. The dialogue exchanges and emotional outbursts capture the audience's attention and create a sense of tension.

          Pacing: 8

          The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by alternating between intense dialogue exchanges and moments of silence or reflection. This creates a rhythm that keeps the audience engaged and allows for the emotional impact of the scene to resonate.


          Technical Aspect

          Formatting: 9

          The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It includes proper scene descriptions, character names, dialogue formatting, and transitions between locations.

          Structure: 8

          The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It includes clear scene headings, character actions, and dialogue.


          Critique
          • The scene lacks clear focus and purpose. It jumps between different locations and characters without a clear narrative thread.
          • The dialogue between Ms. Pomeroy and Principal Cole feels forced and lacks depth. The conflict between them is not fully explored or resolved.
          • The emotional outburst from Ms. Pomeroy feels out of place and melodramatic. It doesn't add much to the overall story or character development.
          • The introduction of the Sparkle Motion dance team and the news about Jim Cunningham's arrest feels disconnected from the rest of the scene and doesn't contribute to the main plot.
          • The conversation between Donnie and Ms. Pomeroy in the English class lacks depth and meaningful exploration of the themes introduced.
          • The scene lacks visual descriptions and fails to create a vivid and engaging visual experience for the reader.
          Suggestions
          • Refocus the scene to have a clear narrative purpose and advance the main plot.
          • Develop the conflict between Ms. Pomeroy and Principal Cole, giving it more depth and resolution.
          • Reconsider the emotional outburst from Ms. Pomeroy and find a more organic and meaningful way to convey her frustration.
          • Integrate the introduction of the Sparkle Motion dance team and the news about Jim Cunningham's arrest more seamlessly into the scene, making them relevant to the main plot.
          • Revise the dialogue between Donnie and Ms. Pomeroy to delve deeper into the themes and create more meaningful character interactions.
          • Add more visual descriptions to create a vivid and engaging visual experience for the reader.



          Scene 35 -  A Day of Mixed Emotions
          INT. MAIN SCHOOL HALLWAY - LATER (9 A.M.)

          Donnie approaches Gretchen at her locker.

          DONNIE
          You want to skip fourth period and
          go to the Ridge?

          GRETCHEN
          (angry)
          What's wrong with you?

          DONNIE
          What do you mean?

          She turns and walks off, leaving Donnie broken and dejected.

          INT. DONNIE'S ROOM - NIGHT (6:30 P.M.)

          Donnie sits at his desk looking at an intricate drawing of a
          cloud formation. On it he has written: THE PORTAL.

          INT. KITCHEN - NIGHT (7 P.M.)

          Rose and Eddie are in the kitchen. He is getting ready for a
          business trip.
          75.

          Samantha is jumping up and down. Elizabeth is jumping up and
          down, dancing with her.

          Donnie looks into the kitchen from the foyer, catching his
          family in a serene, contented moment of happiness. A moment
          that he chooses not to interrupt.

          Title card:

          OCTOBER 25 1988

          INT. / EXT. FOYER / FRONT PORCH - DAY (3 P.M.)

          Doorbell rings. Rose answers the door.

          Kitty Farmer is there on the front porch. She is wearing a T-
          shirt that reads: GOD IS AWESOME!

          MS. FARMER
          Rose.

          ROSE
          Kitty...

          MS. FARMER
          Rose, we have a crisis.
          (beat)
          I am sure that you are aware of the
          horrible allegations against Jim
          Cunningham.

          ROSE
          Yes, I saw the news. Something about
          a kiddie-porn dungeon.

          MS. FARMER
          (holding up her hand)
          Please! Don't say those words.
          (shaking her head)
          Well... as you can see... many of us
          are devastated by this news. This is
          obviously some kind of conspiracy
          meant to destroy an innocent man.
          And I have taken it upon myself to
          spearhead the Jim Cunningham defence
          campaign. But unfortunately my civic
          duties have created a conflict of
          interest... which involves you.

          ROSE
          Beg pardon?

          MS. FARMER
          Rose... I have to appear at his
          arraignment tomorrow morning.
          (MORE)
          76.

          MS. FARMER (CONT'D)
          And as you know, the girls also leave
          for Los Angeles tomorrow morning.
          Now, as their coach... I was the
          obvious choice to chaperone them on
          the trip.

          ROSE
          But now you can't go.

          MS. FARMER
          Yes. And believe me, of all the other
          mothers I would never dream of asking
          you, given the predicament with your
          son. But none of the other mothers
          are able to go.

          ROSE
          Oh, Kitty, I don't know. This is so
          last-minute... Eddie is in New York...

          MS. FARMER
          Rose... I don't know if you realise
          how great an opportunity this is for
          our daughters. This has been a dream
          of ours for a long time.
          (beat)
          Sometimes I doubt your commitment to
          Sparkle Motion.
          Genres: ["Drama","Mystery","Thriller"]

          Summary Donnie's attempt to persuade Gretchen to skip class is met with anger, leaving him dejected. In contrast, the Darling family enjoys a moment of happiness in the kitchen, which Donnie observes. The scene shifts to Kitty Farmer asking Rose to chaperone a girls' trip, creating a conflict due to Donnie's arraignment. The scene ends with Kitty questioning Rose's commitment to Sparkle Motion, leaving the conflicts unresolved.
          Strengths
          • Building tension and suspense
          • Exploring the impact of a major plot development
          • Conveying strong emotions and character reactions
          Weaknesses
          • Possible lack of clarity in some dialogue

          Ratings
          Overall

          Overall: 8

          The scene effectively builds tension and suspense as the characters grapple with the shocking news of Jim Cunningham's arrest. The dialogue and actions of the characters convey the seriousness of the situation and create a sense of unease.


          Story Content

          Concept: 7

          The concept of a beloved community figure being exposed as a criminal adds depth and complexity to the story. It raises questions about appearances, trust, and the dark secrets that can lurk beneath the surface.

          Plot: 8

          The plot progresses significantly in this scene as the characters are confronted with the consequences of Jim Cunningham's actions. It sets up further conflicts and challenges for the characters to navigate.

          Originality: 4

          The level of originality in this scene is relatively low. The situations and dialogue are familiar and do not present any fresh approaches. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue is realistic but not particularly unique.


          Character Development

          Characters: 9

          The characters' reactions to the news of Jim Cunningham's arrest reveal their individual personalities and motivations. Their emotions and actions drive the scene and deepen our understanding of their relationships.

          Character Changes: 8

          The characters undergo significant changes in this scene as they are forced to confront the truth about Jim Cunningham. Their beliefs and perceptions are challenged, leading to personal growth and transformation.

          Internal Goal: 8

          The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to connect with Gretchen and understand why she is angry with him. This reflects Donnie's desire for emotional connection and his fear of being rejected or misunderstood.

          External Goal: 6

          The protagonist's external goal in this scene is not clearly defined. However, it can be inferred that Donnie's immediate circumstances involve navigating his relationships and dealing with the news about Jim Cunningham.


          Scene Elements

          Conflict Level: 8

          The conflict in this scene is high, as the characters are forced to confront the shocking truth about Jim Cunningham and the impact it has on their lives. The tension and emotional stakes are palpable.

          Opposition: 6

          The opposition in this scene is moderate. Gretchen's anger and rejection create a small obstacle for Donnie, but it is not a significant challenge that the audience is unsure of how it will go.

          High Stakes: 9

          The stakes are high in this scene as the characters grapple with the shocking revelation of Jim Cunningham's arrest. Their lives and relationships are deeply affected, and the consequences of this revelation have far-reaching implications.

          Story Forward: 8

          The scene moves the story forward by introducing a major plot development and setting up further conflicts and challenges for the characters to navigate. It raises the stakes and propels the narrative towards its climax.

          Unpredictability: 5

          This scene is somewhat unpredictable because it is unclear why Gretchen is angry with Donnie and how their relationship will develop. However, the overall events and outcomes are relatively predictable.

          Philosophical Conflict: 0

          There is no evident philosophical conflict in this scene.


          Audience Engagement

          Emotional Impact: 9

          The scene elicits strong emotions from the characters and the audience, as they grapple with the betrayal and shock of Jim Cunningham's arrest. The emotional impact is heightened by the characters' reactions and the gravity of the situation.

          Dialogue: 7

          The dialogue effectively conveys the shock and disbelief of the characters, as well as their conflicting emotions. It provides insight into their thoughts and motivations.

          Engagement: 7

          This scene is engaging because it presents a conflict between the protagonist and Gretchen, creating tension and curiosity about their relationship. The emotional impact of the scene is heightened by the characters' dialogue and actions.

          Pacing: 8

          The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by maintaining a steady rhythm and flow. The dialogue exchanges and character actions are well-timed and keep the scene moving forward.


          Technical Aspect

          Formatting: 9

          The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It uses standard scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting.

          Structure: 7

          The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It begins with a location and time description, followed by character interactions and dialogue.


          Critique
          • The scene lacks clear conflict or tension, making it feel flat and unengaging.
          • The dialogue between Donnie and Gretchen is abrupt and lacks depth, making it difficult to understand their motivations and emotions.
          • The transition between Donnie feeling broken and dejected to sitting at his desk looking at a drawing is unclear and disjointed.
          • The kitchen scene with Rose, Eddie, Samantha, and Elizabeth feels disconnected from the previous scene and lacks a clear purpose or impact on the story.
          • The introduction of Kitty Farmer and her request for Rose to chaperone the girls' trip to Los Angeles feels forced and out of place in the scene.
          • The dialogue between Rose and Kitty Farmer lacks subtlety and comes across as heavy-handed exposition.
          • The scene ends abruptly without a clear resolution or sense of direction.
          Suggestions
          • Introduce a clear conflict or tension in the scene to engage the audience and drive the story forward.
          • Develop the dialogue between Donnie and Gretchen to reveal their emotions and motivations more effectively.
          • Provide a smoother transition between Donnie feeling broken and dejected to sitting at his desk, perhaps by showing a moment of reflection or introspection.
          • Consider reworking the kitchen scene to make it more relevant to the overall story and to provide a clearer purpose or impact.
          • Find a more organic and seamless way to introduce Kitty Farmer and her request for Rose to chaperone the girls' trip, ensuring it feels more integrated into the scene and the story as a whole.
          • Refine the dialogue between Rose and Kitty Farmer to make it more nuanced and subtle, avoiding heavy-handed exposition.
          • Provide a clearer resolution or sense of direction at the end of the scene to give the audience a sense of closure or anticipation for what comes next.



          Scene 36 -  A Mother's Farewell
          INT. DONNIE'S ROOM - NIGHT (7 P.M.)

          Rose is standing in Donnie's room alone. She stares at a
          drawing of Frank that he has tacked onto his bulletin board.

          Donnie appears in the doorway. Rose jumps.

          DONNIE
          I feel like... I'm approaching
          something horrible.

          Donnie walks over and sits on his bed. Rose goes and sits
          next to him.

          ROSE
          I have to take the girls to Los
          Angeles tomorrow.

          DONNIE
          Do you get to meet Ed?

          ROSE
          If I'm lucky.
          (beat)
          So... I won't be back until the first.
          (MORE)
          77.

          ROSE (CONT'D)
          Your dad will be back on Sunday, so
          I've put Elizabeth in charge until
          then. She has the car... so she can
          drive you to your therapy tomorrow.

          DONNIE
          How does it feel to have a wacko for
          a son?

          ROSE
          (embracing him)
          It feels wonderful.

          EXT. DARKO HOUSE DRIVEWAY - MORNING (10 A.M.)

          Rose brings her luggage out to the airport van. Mystery Woman
          loads Beth Farmer into the van.

          Donnie sits on the back-porch steps, watching everyone
          silently. Elizabeth gives Samantha a hug.

          ELIZABETH
          You're gonna win. I know it.

          SAMANTHA
          So do I.
          (to Donnie)
          Bye, Donnie.

          Donnie waves goodbye.

          ROSE
          Here are the keys to the Taurus.
          There's plenty of groceries in the
          fridge. And I left money on the
          kitchen table. And don't forget...

          ELIZABETH
          Don't worry, Mom. Just go, you'll
          miss your flight.

          Rose turns... wanting to say goodbye to Donnie, but not
          knowing how. She smiles and waves goodbye.

          Donnie waves back.

          Rose turns and goes to the van... handing the driver her
          last bag.

          DONNIE
          Mom...

          Donnie stands up and reluctantly approaches from the porch.

          DONNIE (CONT'D)
          There's nothing broken... in my brain.
          78.

          Rose stands there for a moment, looking at her only son.

          SAMANTHA
          Come on, Mom!

          ROSE
          (to Donnie, holding
          back tears)
          I know.

          She gets into the van, as Donnie and Elizabeth watch them
          drive off.
          Genres: ["Drama","Mystery","Thriller"]

          Summary Rose and Donnie share a heartfelt moment before she leaves for Los Angeles. Donnie expresses his concerns about the future, but Rose reassures him and embraces him. Elizabeth, Samantha, and Donnie see Rose off at the airport, where she entrusts Elizabeth with the household and Donnie reassures her about his well-being. As Rose drives away, a sense of love and bittersweet uncertainty lingers in the air.
          Strengths
          • Emotional depth
          • Realistic dialogue
          • Strong character development
          Weaknesses
          • Limited external conflict

          Ratings
          Overall

          Overall: 9

          The scene effectively conveys the emotional turmoil Donnie is experiencing and the support he receives from his mother. The tension and intensity of the scene keep the audience engaged.


          Story Content

          Concept: 8

          The concept of Donnie's internal struggles and his mother's support is well-executed and adds depth to the story.

          Plot: 9

          The plot progresses as Donnie's internal struggles become more apparent and his relationship with his mother is explored.

          Originality: 3

          The level of originality in this scene is low. The situations and dialogue are relatively common and do not offer fresh approaches or unique perspectives.


          Character Development

          Characters: 9

          The characters are well-developed and their emotions and motivations are effectively portrayed.

          Character Changes: 8

          Donnie experiences a shift in his perspective and opens up to his mother about his struggles.

          Internal Goal: 8

          The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to express his fear and anxiety about something horrible approaching.

          External Goal: 6

          The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to say goodbye to his mother before she leaves for Los Angeles.


          Scene Elements

          Conflict Level: 7

          There is a moderate level of conflict in the scene, primarily in Donnie's internal struggles.

          Opposition: 5

          The opposition in this scene is not strong. The protagonist's goal of saying goodbye to his mother is not met with significant obstacles.

          High Stakes: 7

          The stakes are moderately high as Donnie grapples with his mental health and seeks support from his mother.

          Story Forward: 8

          The scene moves the story forward by deepening the audience's understanding of Donnie's internal struggles and his relationship with his mother.

          Unpredictability: 4

          This scene is predictable because it follows a typical emotional farewell between a mother and son.

          Philosophical Conflict: 0

          There is no evident philosophical conflict in this scene.


          Audience Engagement

          Emotional Impact: 9

          The scene evokes strong emotions from the audience, particularly in Donnie's vulnerability and his mother's support.

          Dialogue: 8

          The dialogue is realistic and reveals the characters' emotions and thoughts.

          Engagement: 7

          This scene is engaging because it explores the protagonist's emotional state and his relationship with his mother.

          Pacing: 7

          The pacing of the scene is effective in conveying the emotional tension and allowing for moments of reflection.


          Technical Aspect

          Formatting: 9

          The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre, with proper indentation, dialogue formatting, and scene descriptions.

          Structure: 8

          The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings, character actions, and dialogue.


          Critique
          • The scene lacks clear conflict and tension. While there is a sense of unease from Donnie's statement about approaching something horrible, it is not fully explored or developed.
          • The dialogue between Rose and Donnie feels somewhat disconnected and lacks emotional depth. There is an opportunity to delve deeper into their relationship and the impact of Donnie's mental health on their family dynamic.
          • The scene could benefit from more visual and sensory details to create a stronger atmosphere and enhance the emotional impact.
          • The transition between Rose standing in Donnie's room and the next morning at the Darko house driveway feels abrupt and could be smoother.
          • The ending of the scene, with Rose waving goodbye to Donnie, lacks a strong emotional payoff and could be more impactful.
          Suggestions
          • Introduce a clear conflict or tension in the scene to create a sense of anticipation and engage the audience.
          • Develop the dialogue between Rose and Donnie to explore their relationship and the impact of Donnie's mental health on their family dynamic. This could include discussing their fears, concerns, and hopes for the future.
          • Add more visual and sensory details to create a stronger atmosphere and enhance the emotional impact. This could include describing the lighting, the sounds of the airport van, and the emotions on the characters' faces.
          • Smoothly transition between Rose standing in Donnie's room and the next morning at the Darko house driveway. This could be achieved by adding a transitional action or dialogue.
          • Strengthen the ending of the scene by adding a more emotional moment between Rose and Donnie. This could include a heartfelt exchange of words or a meaningful gesture.



          Scene 37 -  The Fired Teacher
          INT. SCHOOL MAIN HALLWAY - AFTERNOON (3 P.M.)

          Donnie walks up to Gretchen, who stands at her locker with
          several other girls. The girls whisper to each other as he
          approaches.

          DONNIE
          Will you please talk to me?

          GRETCHEN
          Not now, Donnie. It isn't a good
          time.

          DONNIE
          Then when? I have to talk to you.

          Gretchen walks away, looking back at him with apologetic
          eyes.

          INT. ENGLISH CLASS - MOMENTS LATER (3:15 P.M.)

          Donnie walks alone through the hallways... lost.

          He stumbles upon Ms. Pomeroy's room. She sits behind her
          desk... which has been packed up into a cardboard box.

          DONNIE
          (knocking on the door)
          Ms. Pomeroy... what's going on?

          MS. POMEROY
          Donnie... it's Friday. Shouldn't you
          be off with your friends, scaring
          old people?

          DONNIE
          Where are you going?

          MS. POMEROY
          I don't know. That's a good
          question... but suffice to say that
          I am no longer your English teacher.
          They fired me.
          79.

          DONNIE
          That's bullshit. You're a good
          teacher.

          MS. POMEROY
          Thank you, Donnie. And you're a good
          student. Lazy... but a good student.
          Unlike most of the others, you
          question Mom and Dad's rules.

          DONNIE
          What do I tell the rest of the class
          when they ask about you?

          MS. POMEROY
          (long beat)
          Tell them that everything is going
          to be just fine.
          (beat)
          It is up to the children to save
          themselves these days. Because the
          parents ...they don't have a clue.

          Donnie looks at the blackboard. On it she has written in
          perfect penmanship: "Cellar Door".

          DONNIE
          What's "Cellar Door"?

          MS. POMEROY
          (spaced out)
          A famous linguist once said... that
          of all the phrases in the English
          language, of all the endless
          combinations of words in all of
          history... that "Cellar Door" is the
          most beautiful.

          She is silent for a moment.

          DONNIE
          Cellar door.

          MS. POMEROY
          Sometimes it's the only thing that
          keeps us going.

          She takes the box and crosses the room towards Donnie.

          MS. POMEROY (CONT'D)
          So... will Donnie find his Cellar
          Door?

          DONNIE
          I think I already have.
          (beat)
          But now she won't even talk to me.
          80.

          MS. POMEROY
          Then go find her, Donnie. Don't let
          her get away.
          (stopping at the door)
          She was right about the rabbits. Go.
          Genres: ["Drama","Mystery","Thriller"]

          Summary Donnie walks through the halls and finds Ms. Pomeroy's packed up classroom. He learns that she was fired and asks about her replacement. Ms. Pomeroy tells him to tell the class everything will be fine and that the children need to save themselves. She writes "Cellar Door" on the blackboard and says that sometimes it is the only thing that keeps us going.
          Strengths
          • Exploration of existential themes
          • Impactful dialogue
          • Strong character development
          Weaknesses
          • Limited external conflict

          Ratings
          Overall

          Overall: 9

          The scene effectively conveys the emotional turmoil and existential crisis that Donnie is experiencing. It explores deep themes and raises thought-provoking questions about destiny, choice, and the nature of reality. The dialogue is impactful and the conflict is intense, keeping the audience engaged.


          Story Content

          Concept: 9

          The concept of the scene revolves around Donnie's search for meaning and his struggle with the idea of pre-determined destinies. It delves into existential themes and explores the power of choice in shaping one's own path.

          Plot: 8

          The plot of the scene focuses on Donnie's interactions with various characters and his internal struggle. It moves the story forward by deepening the audience's understanding of Donnie's character and his journey towards self-discovery.

          Originality: 6

          The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While the school setting and the conflicts between students and teachers are familiar, the specific dynamics and dialogue between the characters feel authentic and fresh. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


          Character Development

          Characters: 9

          The characters in the scene, particularly Donnie and Ms. Pomeroy, are well-developed and contribute to the exploration of the scene's themes. Donnie's emotional turmoil and Ms. Pomeroy's resignation add depth to the scene.

          Character Changes: 8

          Donnie experiences a shift in his perspective and understanding of the world. He begins to question his pre-determined destiny and seeks personal enlightenment.

          Internal Goal: 8

          The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to talk to Gretchen and resolve their issues. This reflects his deeper need for connection and understanding, as well as his fear of losing Gretchen's attention and affection.

          External Goal: 7

          The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to find out what is happening with Ms. Pomeroy, his English teacher. This reflects the immediate challenge of dealing with the uncertainty and changes happening in his school environment.


          Scene Elements

          Conflict Level: 8

          The conflict in the scene is primarily internal, as Donnie grapples with his existential crisis and his desire to connect with Gretchen. The tension between Donnie and Ms. Pomeroy also adds to the conflict.

          Opposition: 7

          The opposition in this scene is strong enough to create conflict and uncertainty. The protagonist faces obstacles in his attempts to talk to Gretchen and understand what is happening with his teacher. The audience is unsure of how these conflicts will be resolved.

          High Stakes: 7

          The stakes in the scene are primarily internal, as Donnie grapples with his existential crisis and the search for meaning in his life. The outcome of his choices and the impact on his relationships are at stake.

          Story Forward: 8

          The scene moves the story forward by deepening the audience's understanding of Donnie's character and his journey towards self-discovery. It also introduces the concept of the 'Cellar Door' and sets up future plot developments.

          Unpredictability: 7

          This scene is unpredictable because it introduces unexpected changes and conflicts in the protagonist's school environment. The audience is unsure of how the characters will react and what the consequences of their actions will be.

          Philosophical Conflict: 6

          There is a philosophical conflict evident in this scene between the protagonist's questioning of authority and the teacher's belief in the importance of children saving themselves. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs about the role of parents and authority figures in his life.


          Audience Engagement

          Emotional Impact: 9

          The scene evokes strong emotions, particularly sadness and hope. Donnie's struggle and Ms. Pomeroy's resignation elicit empathy from the audience.

          Dialogue: 9

          The dialogue in the scene is impactful and thought-provoking. It effectively conveys the characters' emotions and explores deep themes. The conversation between Donnie and Ms. Pomeroy is particularly memorable.

          Engagement: 9

          This scene is engaging because it presents conflicts and emotional moments between the characters. The dialogue and interactions create tension and curiosity, making the audience invested in the outcome of the scene.

          Pacing: 8

          The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by creating a sense of tension and urgency. The dialogue and scene descriptions are concise and move the story forward, maintaining the audience's interest.


          Technical Aspect

          Formatting: 9

          The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It includes scene headings, character names, dialogue, and scene descriptions. The formatting is clear and easy to follow.

          Structure: 8

          The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It begins with a location and time description, followed by character interactions and dialogue. The scene transitions smoothly from the hallway to the classroom, maintaining a clear narrative flow.


          Critique
          • The scene lacks clear objectives for the characters. Donnie wants to talk to Gretchen, but it is not clear why or what he hopes to achieve from the conversation. Gretchen's response of 'Not now, Donnie. It isn't a good time' feels vague and doesn't provide a clear reason for her reluctance to talk.
          • The dialogue between Donnie and Ms. Pomeroy feels forced and unnatural. The sudden mention of 'Cellar Door' and its supposed beauty feels out of place and doesn't contribute to the overall story or character development.
          • The scene lacks visual elements or actions that could enhance the storytelling. It mostly consists of characters talking in a hallway and a classroom, which makes it visually uninteresting.
          • The conflict between Donnie and Gretchen is not resolved in this scene, leaving the audience with a sense of dissatisfaction and unresolved tension.
          • The scene lacks a clear transition or connection to the previous scene, making it feel disjointed and disconnected from the rest of the story.
          Suggestions
          • Clarify the objectives of the characters in this scene. Why does Donnie want to talk to Gretchen? What does he hope to achieve? Similarly, what is Gretchen's reason for not wanting to talk?
          • Revise the dialogue between Donnie and Ms. Pomeroy to make it more natural and meaningful. Consider removing the mention of 'Cellar Door' unless it serves a clear purpose in the story.
          • Introduce visual elements or actions that can enhance the storytelling and make the scene more visually engaging. This could include gestures, facial expressions, or interactions with the environment.
          • Resolve the conflict between Donnie and Gretchen in this scene or provide a clear indication of how it will be resolved in future scenes. This will provide a sense of closure and satisfaction for the audience.
          • Create a smoother transition or connection to the previous scene to maintain the flow and continuity of the story. This could be achieved through visual or thematic links, or by referencing events or emotions from the previous scene.



          Scene 38 -  Seeking Answers and Comfort
          INT. MAIN HALLWAY - NEXT (3:15. P.M.)

          And with that... Ms. Pomeroy turns and walks down the hallway
          with her career in a cardboard box... heading towards the
          bright Friday afternoon sunlight.

          Donnie walks back down the hallway... lost in his own
          introspection.

          Across the way... at her locker... as Cherita Chen. Donnie
          approaches her slowly like a cat.

          She turns from her locker... and they make eye contact.

          She looks at him warily, frightened. A book falls from her
          arms onto the floor.

          Written in large letters on the brown book cover is his name.

          DONNIE DARKO.

          He comes face to face with her, grabs her earmuffs with both
          hands, and touches his forehead to hers as if he were going
          to kiss her.

          DONNIE
          (long beat)
          I promise that one day things will
          get better for you.

          Cherita holds still for a moment, trembling, and then jerks
          back from him. Her earmuffs come off in his hands.

          She backs away from him slowly. A single tear rolls down her
          cheek.

          CHERITA
          Chut... up!

          She then turns and runs down the hall... disappearing from
          sight.

          EXT. OLD GUN ROAD - AFTERNOON (4 P.M.)

          Donnie walks by himself... thinking... wearing Cherita's
          earmuffs.

          Title card:

          OCTOBER 29 1988
          81.

          INT. THERAPIST'S OFFICE - DAY (1:30 P.M.)

          Donnie is under hypnosis.

          DR. THURMAN
          And when I clap my hands together
          twice, you will wake up. Do you
          understand?

          DONNIE
          Yes.

          DR. THURMAN
          So, your parents... why did you
          disappoint them?

          DONNIE
          I... I was playing with fire.

          DR. THURMAN
          Is it Frank who wants you to destroy
          the world, to set the world on fire?

          Donnie doesn't answer.

          DONNIE
          People get hurt.

          DR. THURMAN
          But it was an accident. The house
          was under construction.

          DONNIE
          People get hurt. I don't want to
          hurt anyone.

          DR. THURMAN
          But you were punished.

          DONNIE
          Yes. I went to jail.

          DR. THURMAN
          Do you wish that you were punished
          by your parents instead?

          DONNIE
          They... didn't buy me what I wanted
          for Christmas that year.

          DR. THURMAN
          What did you want for Christmas that
          year?

          DONNIE
          Hungry Hungry Hippos.
          82.

          DR. THURMAN
          How did you feel... being denied
          those Hungry Hungry Hippos?

          DONNIE
          Regret.

          DR. THURMAN
          What else makes you feel regret?

          DONNIE
          That I did it again.

          DR. THURMAN
          (alarmed)
          You've done it again?

          DONNIE
          Yes. I flooded my school... and I
          burned down that pervert's house. I
          think I only have a few days left...
          before they catch me.

          DR. THURMAN
          Why did you do these things, Donnie?
          Did Frank tell you to commit these
          crimes?

          He does not respond.

          DONNIE
          I have to obey him... because he
          saved my life. He controls me and I
          have to obey him or I'll be left all
          alone... and I'll never figure out
          what all of this means...

          DR. THURMAN
          If God exists?

          DONNIE
          I think now that he might...

          DR. THURMAN
          Why?

          DONNIE
          Because I'm so horny.

          DR. THURMAN
          God exists because you're horny.

          DONNIE
          I think so. I think that's one of
          the clues. It's a clue that tells
          us... to keep going.
          83.

          DR. THURMAN
          Where are we going?

          No answer.

          DR. THURMAN (CONT'D)
          Where are we going, Donald?

          DONNIE
          I have the power to build a time
          machine.

          DR. THURMAN
          How is that possible?

          DONNIE
          Grandma Death will teach me how.
          Soon.

          DR. THURMAN
          Then how is time travel possible?

          DONNIE
          It would have to be God's portal.
          They will lead me to it. Then I will
          go back in time... and I won't feel
          regret anymore.

          DR. THURMAN
          When will this happen?

          DONNIE
          Soon. Time is almost up.

          Donnie gets up on his feet, staggering around the room. He
          looks frightened... childlike.

          DONNIE (CONT'D)
          It has to happen soon, it has to
          happen soon.

          Dr. Thurman gets up and tries to control Donnie... following
          him around the room.

          DR. THURMAN
          What is going to happen?

          DONNIE
          (freaking out)
          Frank is going to kill.

          DR. THURMAN
          Who is he going to kill?

          Dr. Thurman grabs him, trying to get him under control in an
          awkward embrace.
          84.

          DR. THURMAN (CONT'D)
          Who is he going to kill?

          Donnie stares across the office like a frightened child...
          as the room becomes white with artificial light.

          Frank is there in the office... staring back at him.

          DONNIE
          (freaking out)
          I can see him right now!

          DR. THURMAN
          Where is he, Donald?

          DONNIE
          He's right there... He can read my
          mind and he'll show me the way out
          of this. The sky is going to open
          up... and then He will reveal himself
          to me.

          DR. THURMAN
          If the sky were to suddenly open
          up... there would be no law... there
          would be no rule. There would only
          be you and your memories... the
          choices you've made and the people
          you've touched. The life that has
          been carved out from your subconscious
          is the only evidence by which you
          will be judged... by which you must
          judge yourself. Because when this
          world ends, there will only be you
          and him... and no one else.

          DONNIE
          It's too late. I've already ruined
          my life.

          DR. THURMAN
          You will survive this... Donald. I
          promise you that you will survive.
          You must let me help you.
          (beat)
          And when I clap my hands together,
          you will wake up.

          She claps her hands together twice... and Donnie snaps out
          of his trance.
          Genres: ["Drama","Psychological","Thriller"]

          Summary Donnie comforts Cherita after her encounter with Ms. Pomeroy. Later in therapy, under hypnosis, he reveals his belief in God and his desire to build a time machine. Donnie experiences a vision of Frank, emphasizing that he must confront his past alone.
          Strengths
          • Intense and suspenseful atmosphere
          • Strong character development
          • Exploration of complex themes
          Weaknesses
          • Some dialogue could be more concise

          Ratings
          Overall

          Overall: 9

          The scene is highly impactful and intense, effectively conveying Donnie's inner turmoil and the escalating tension in the story.


          Story Content

          Concept: 8

          The concept of time travel and the exploration of destiny versus choice are intriguing and thought-provoking.

          Plot: 9

          The plot is gripping and keeps the audience engaged, with the revelation of Jim Cunningham's dark secrets and Donnie's increasing involvement with Frank.

          Originality: 6

          The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While the concept of a protagonist grappling with fate and control is not entirely unique, the specific circumstances and dialogue in this scene add freshness to the familiar theme. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue contributes to the originality.


          Character Development

          Characters: 8

          The characters are well-developed and their actions and dialogue contribute to the overall tension and mystery of the scene.

          Character Changes: 9

          Donnie undergoes significant changes in this scene, as his belief in a higher power and his willingness to commit destructive acts become more pronounced.

          Internal Goal: 8

          The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to understand and make sense of the events happening to him. He is seeking answers and trying to figure out the meaning behind his experiences.

          External Goal: 6

          The protagonist's external goal in this scene is not explicitly stated, but it can be inferred that he wants to avoid getting caught for the crimes he has committed and to find a way to prevent further harm.


          Scene Elements

          Conflict Level: 9

          The conflict between Donnie's belief in Frank's guidance and the skepticism of others creates tension and drives the scene forward.

          Opposition: 7

          The opposition in this scene is strong, as the protagonist is facing internal and external challenges. He is conflicted between his belief in fate and his desire for control, and he is also trying to avoid getting caught for the crimes he has committed.

          High Stakes: 9

          The stakes are high as Donnie's actions become increasingly dangerous and unpredictable, and the revelation of Jim Cunningham's crimes adds another layer of tension.

          Story Forward: 9

          The scene moves the story forward by revealing important information about Donnie's mental state, his connection to Frank, and the escalating conflicts in the plot.

          Unpredictability: 7

          This scene is unpredictable because it introduces new information and raises new questions about the protagonist's experiences and motivations. The reader is left wondering what will happen next and how the protagonist's journey will unfold.

          Philosophical Conflict: 7

          There is a philosophical conflict evident in this scene between the protagonist's belief in fate and his desire for control. He believes that he is being guided by a higher power and that events are predetermined, but he also wants to take control of his own destiny and prevent further harm.


          Audience Engagement

          Emotional Impact: 10

          The scene evokes strong emotions of fear, confusion, and anxiety, as the audience is drawn into Donnie's increasingly unstable mental state.

          Dialogue: 8

          The dialogue is impactful and reveals important information about the characters' motivations and beliefs.

          Engagement: 7

          This scene is engaging because it raises questions and creates a sense of mystery. The dialogue between the characters is intense and emotional, and the reader is drawn into the protagonist's internal struggle.

          Pacing: 8

          The pacing of this scene is effective in building tension and maintaining the reader's interest. The dialogue and action are well-paced, and the scene transitions smoothly between different locations and time periods.


          Technical Aspect

          Formatting: 9

          The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It uses proper scene headings, action lines, and dialogue formatting. The scene is well-paced and easy to read.

          Structure: 8

          The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It begins with a location and time description, followed by character actions and dialogue. The scene transitions smoothly between different locations and time periods.


          Critique
          • The scene lacks clear focus and purpose. It jumps between different settings and characters without a clear narrative thread.
          • The dialogue feels disjointed and lacks depth. There is a lack of meaningful interaction between the characters.
          • The scene lacks emotional impact. The conflicts and tensions between the characters are not effectively conveyed.
          • The visual elements are not utilized effectively to enhance the storytelling.
          • The scene lacks a clear resolution or conclusion, leaving the audience with a sense of confusion and dissatisfaction.
          Suggestions
          • Refocus the scene to have a clear central conflict or objective that drives the characters' actions and interactions.
          • Develop the dialogue to be more meaningful and engaging, with deeper exploration of the characters' emotions and motivations.
          • Utilize visual elements to enhance the storytelling and create a more visually engaging scene.
          • Ensure that the scene has a clear resolution or conclusion that provides a sense of closure and satisfaction for the audience.



          Scene 39 -  Donnie's Pre-Party Preparations
          INT. THERAPIST'S OFFICE - AFTERNOON (2 P.M.)

          Donnie, calmed down and putting his jacket on, walks slowly
          to the doorway.

          Dr. Thurman stands looking out the window.
          85.

          DR. THURMAN
          Donald?

          Donnie turns back and faces her. Beat.

          DR. THURMAN (CONT'D)
          Your medication. They're placebos.
          Just pills made out of water.

          DONNIE
          Thank you.

          DR. THURMAN
          Donald, an atheist is someone who
          denies altogether the existence of a
          God. You are an agnostic. An agnostic
          is someone who believes that there
          can be no proof of the existence of
          God... but does not deny the
          possibility that God exists.

          DONNIE
          Goodbye, Dr. Thurman.

          DR. THURMAN
          Goodbye, Donald.

          INT. KITCHEN - DAY

          Donnie walks into the kitchen, where Elizabeth is sitting at
          the table.

          ELIZABETH
          (in shock)
          I got in. I'm going to Harvard.

          DONNIE
          Congratulations.

          Donnie sits down across from her.

          DONNIE (CONT'D)
          Mom and Dad won't be back until Sunday
          night. It's Halloween Carnival. We
          should throw a party. We could totally
          get away with it.

          ELIZABETH
          (long beat)
          Okay, but it has to be a small one.

          DONNIE
          Everything is going to be just fine.
          86.

          EXT. DARKO HOUSE - NIGHT (9 P.M.)

          Neighbourhood kids are trick-or-treating. The man in the red
          jogging suit shines a flashlight towards the house.

          There are at least two dozen cars parked in front... and
          somebody is already throwing toilet paper in the trees.

          INT. FOYER - NIGHT (9:30 P.M.)

          The doorbell rings. Donnie answers the door... only to find
          Sean and Ronald dressed in black with monster masks. They
          are both carrying backpacks.

          Donnie is dressed in a black skeleton suit, and his face is
          painted white like a skull.

          SEAN
          We got eggs, water balloons, and a
          dozen rolls of toilet paper.

          RONALD
          I stole four beers from my dad.

          DONNIE
          There's a keg here.

          SEAN
          Only pussies drink keg beer.

          They go back into the house towards the kitchen. There are
          at least forty people, already quite wasted, many carrying
          their own twelve-packs of beer under their arms.

          Almost everyone is wearing a costume. Donnie and his friends
          weave through the crowd toward the patio.
          Genres: ["Drama","Thriller","Mystery"]

          Summary Donnie discovers his medication was a placebo and his sister, Elizabeth, shares exciting news about her acceptance to Harvard. They plan a Halloween party, and Donnie arrives with friends Sean and Ronald to find it already in full swing.
          Strengths
          • Emotional impact
          • Character development
          • Plot progression
          • Engaging dialogue
          Weaknesses
          • None

          Ratings
          Overall

          Overall: 9

          The scene is highly impactful and emotionally charged. It reveals important plot developments and character revelations. The tension and mystery are heightened, and the stakes are raised with the burning of Jim Cunningham's house. The dialogue is engaging and thought-provoking.


          Story Content

          Concept: 8

          The concept of time travel and the exploration of destiny and choice are intriguing and thought-provoking. The scene delves deeper into these concepts through Donnie's conversation with Dr. Monnitoff.

          Plot: 9

          The plot progresses significantly in this scene with the revelation of Jim Cunningham's arrest and the burning of his house. It raises the stakes and adds a sense of urgency to the story.

          Originality: 7

          The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While the setting of a Halloween party is familiar, the specific details and interactions between the characters add freshness to the scene. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue contributes to the originality.


          Character Development

          Characters: 9

          The characters are well-developed and their emotions and motivations are effectively portrayed. Donnie's internal struggle and his relationship with Gretchen and his family are explored in depth.

          Character Changes: 9

          Donnie experiences significant character growth in this scene, particularly in his conversation with Elizabeth. He becomes more accepting of himself and his abilities.

          Internal Goal: 8

          The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to find a sense of belonging and acceptance. He wants to throw a party and have a good time with his friends, which reflects his desire to fit in and be a part of the social scene.

          External Goal: 7

          The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to throw a successful party without getting caught by his parents or the authorities. It reflects the immediate circumstances of Halloween and the challenge of organizing a party without parental supervision.


          Scene Elements

          Conflict Level: 9

          The conflict is high in this scene, with the revelation of Jim Cunningham's arrest and the burning of his house. Donnie's internal conflict is also evident as he grapples with his visions and the choices he must make.

          Opposition: 7

          The opposition in this scene is strong, as the protagonist faces the challenge of organizing a party without getting caught. The presence of the man in the red jogging suit adds an element of opposition and uncertainty.

          High Stakes: 10

          The stakes are high in this scene with the burning of Jim Cunningham's house and the revelation of his arrest. Donnie's choices and actions have significant consequences.

          Story Forward: 9

          The scene moves the story forward significantly with the revelation of Jim Cunningham's arrest and the burning of his house. It raises the stakes and adds a sense of urgency to the narrative.

          Unpredictability: 6

          This scene is somewhat unpredictable because it is unclear how the party will unfold and whether the protagonist will be successful in avoiding detection. The presence of the man in the red jogging suit adds an element of mystery.

          Philosophical Conflict: 6

          There is a philosophical conflict evident in this scene between atheism and agnosticism. Dr. Thurman explains the difference between the two beliefs, challenging Donnie's worldview and beliefs about the existence of God.


          Audience Engagement

          Emotional Impact: 10

          The scene is highly emotional, with Donnie's shock and horror at the news of Jim Cunningham's arrest and the burning of his house. The conversation between Donnie and Elizabeth is also poignant and heartfelt.

          Dialogue: 8

          The dialogue is engaging and thought-provoking, particularly in Donnie's conversation with Dr. Thurman. It reveals important insights into the characters' thoughts and emotions.

          Engagement: 8

          This scene is engaging because it introduces a conflict between the protagonist's desire to throw a party and the potential consequences of getting caught. The dialogue and actions of the characters create tension and anticipation.

          Pacing: 8

          The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by creating a sense of anticipation and building tension. The dialogue and actions are well-paced, keeping the reader engaged.


          Technical Aspect

          Formatting: 9

          The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It includes scene headings, character names, dialogue, and action descriptions. The formatting is clear and easy to follow.

          Structure: 9

          The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It begins with an establishing shot and then moves into dialogue and action sequences. The scene has a clear beginning, middle, and end.


          Critique
          • The scene starts abruptly with Donnie leaving his therapy session and learning that his medication was just a placebo. This revelation is a significant moment for Donnie's character, but it is not given enough emotional weight or exploration in the scene.
          • The dialogue between Donnie and Dr. Thurman is brief and lacks depth. There is an opportunity to delve deeper into Donnie's feelings about his medication and his beliefs about God, but these topics are only touched upon briefly.
          • The transition from the therapist's office to the kitchen is too abrupt and lacks a smooth transition. It would be helpful to have a clearer indication of the passage of time and a smoother transition between locations.
          • The conversation between Donnie and Elizabeth about her acceptance to Harvard feels rushed and lacks emotional depth. This is a significant moment for Elizabeth's character, but it is not given enough attention in the scene.
          • The decision to throw a party is introduced suddenly and without much context. It would be helpful to have a clearer motivation for Donnie's desire to throw a party and a stronger connection to the overall story.
          Suggestions
          • Expand the scene between Donnie and Dr. Thurman to allow for a more in-depth exploration of Donnie's feelings about his medication and his beliefs about God.
          • Add a smoother transition between the therapist's office and the kitchen to indicate the passage of time and create a more seamless flow between locations.
          • Give more attention to Elizabeth's acceptance to Harvard and the impact it has on her and Donnie's relationship. This could be a moment of celebration and reflection for both characters.
          • Provide clearer motivation for Donnie's desire to throw a party and establish a stronger connection to the overall story. This will help make the decision to throw a party feel more organic and meaningful.



          Scene 40 -  A Chaotic Encounter
          EXT. BACKYARD / PATIO - NEXT

          Donnie and his friends watching the party unfold.

          The party grows larger.

          INT. THERAPIST'S OFFICE - NIGHT

          Dr. Thurman paces around her office with the phone to her
          ear.

          INT. MASTER BEDROOM - NIGHT

          The phone is ringing. The answering machine picks up.

          INT. FOYER - LATER ON (11 P.M.)

          The doorbell rings... and once again Donnie is the one to
          answer it. To his surprise... it is Gretchen standing on his
          front porch.
          87.

          GRETCHEN
          (very upset)
          Hey.

          DONNIE
          Hey. You OK?

          GRETCHEN
          (walking inside)
          My mom is gone.

          DONNIE
          Where is she?

          GRETCHEN
          (close to tears)
          I don't know. She didn't leave a
          note.

          The house is all messed up.

          DONNIE
          But you're OK?

          She nods yes.

          DONNIE (CONT'D)
          Did you call the cops?

          GRETCHEN
          Yeah, they told me to get out of the
          house.

          Donnie takes Gretchen into the hallway and gives her a hug.

          GRETCHEN (CONT'D)
          I'm so scared... I just keep thinking
          that something awful has happened.
          It's my fucking stepdad. I know it.

          DONNIE
          (embraces her)
          It's safe here.

          Donnie takes Gretchen upstairs. We reveal Elizabeth watching
          them go.

          INT. FAMILY ROOM - NEXT

          Elizabeth walks over to a friend.

          ELIZABETH
          (yelling over the
          music)
          Have you seen Frank?
          88.

          FRIEND
          No. I think they said they were going
          on a beer run.

          INT. MASTER BEDROOM - NEXT (11:15 P.M.)

          Donnie and Gretchen sit on the bed. Gretchen takes a sip of
          beer.

          GRETCHEN
          Some people are just born with tragedy
          in their blood.

          He kisses her. He then pulls back.

          GRETCHEN (CONT'D)
          What?

          DONNIE
          There's something you have to know,
          Gretchen.
          (beat)
          Everything is going to be just fine.

          They lie down together... silently listening to the party
          below.

          The phone is ringing. The answering machine picks up.

          ROSE
          (on the answering
          machine)
          If you're there, please pick up.
          (beat)
          Oh well... there's good news. The
          girls... they got three and a half
          stars... and they get to come back
          for the quarter-finals.

          INT. LAX TERMINAL - NIGHT (9 P.M. PST)

          Rose stands at a payphone while the Sparkle Motion girls
          wait at the terminal.

          SAMANTHA
          Semi-finals, Mom!

          ROSE
          Sorry... semi-finals. Anyway... we're
          taking the red-eye back tonight and
          we should arrive around six a.m. I
          hope everything is alright. Bye.

          INT. FOYER - NIGHT (12 A.M.)

          We move towards the grandfather clock and see the minute
          hand reach midnight.
          89.

          INT. FOYER - NIGHT (12:30 A.M.)

          Donnie and Gretchen walk downstairs. They kiss, and she goes
          towards the family room.

          Donnie walks towards the kitchen, but then doubles over
          against the wall in pain.

          Suddenly... the room blows out with a strobe of white light...
          as costumed teenagers and their vector spears intersect in a
          shimmering maze of chaos.

          Donnie slowly follows his spear as it leads him through the
          crowd... directly towards the refrigerator.

          Donnie stares blankly at what he sees... scrawled in magic
          marker on the memo board.

          It reads: FRANK WAS HERE... WENT TO GET BEER!!

          Donnie stares at the board for several moment... he then
          turns his head and sees a teenager with a Ronald Reagan mask
          walk by.

          He then sees another spear come towards him. Gretchen rounds
          the corner, coming in from the family room.

          Donnie falls to his knees and puts his face inside the end
          of Gretchen's spear. We see his P.O.V. - an abyssal tunnel
          of light.

          DONNIE
          Come with me.

          GRETCHEN
          Where are we going?

          He grabs her and pulls her out the back of the kitchen into
          the back yard. Ronald and Sean follow.
          Genres: ["Drama","Thriller","Mystery"]

          Summary As the party rages on, Donnie and his friends witness a scene unfold while Gretchen arrives upset over her missing mother. Amidst the chaos, Donnie experiences a painful episode, followed by a blinding strobe light and the sudden appearance of costumed teenagers. Donnie guides Gretchen to safety in the backyard, creating a sense of urgency and suspense.
          Strengths
          • Strong emotional impact
          • Tense atmosphere
          • Revealing important plot developments
          Weaknesses
          • Some dialogue could be more impactful

          Ratings
          Overall

          Overall: 9

          The scene is highly impactful and emotionally charged, with a strong sense of tension and impending danger. It effectively reveals important plot developments and showcases the internal conflict and determination of the protagonist.


          Story Content

          Concept: 8

          The concept of uncovering a dark secret and taking drastic action to confront it is compelling and drives the plot forward. The idea of burning down the antagonist's house adds a sense of urgency and danger.

          Plot: 9

          The plot is well-developed and engaging, with the revelation of Jim Cunningham's true nature and Donnie's decision to take matters into his own hands. The scene sets up the climax of the film and raises the stakes for the protagonist.

          Originality: 6

          The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While the situation of a missing parent and the comfort between two characters is a familiar trope, the specific details and dialogue feel authentic and fresh.


          Character Development

          Characters: 8

          The characters are well-defined and their actions and emotions are believable. Donnie's determination and Gretchen's vulnerability create a strong emotional connection with the audience.

          Character Changes: 9

          Donnie undergoes a significant change in this scene, as he confronts the truth about Jim Cunningham and decides to take action. His determination and willingness to risk everything show his growth and transformation.

          Internal Goal: 8

          The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to provide comfort and support to Gretchen, who is upset and scared about her missing mother. This reflects Donnie's deeper need to protect and care for those he loves.

          External Goal: 7

          The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to find out what happened to Gretchen's mother and ensure her safety. This reflects the immediate circumstance of her mother's disappearance and the challenge of dealing with the unknown.


          Scene Elements

          Conflict Level: 9

          The conflict in the scene is intense, with Donnie discovering the truth about Jim Cunningham and deciding to take drastic action. The stakes are high, as Donnie risks his own safety to confront the antagonist.

          Opposition: 6

          The opposition in this scene is moderate, as Donnie faces the challenge of comforting Gretchen and dealing with the unknown circumstances of her mother's disappearance.

          High Stakes: 10

          The stakes are extremely high in this scene, as Donnie risks his own safety and potentially the safety of others by deciding to burn down Jim Cunningham's house. The consequences of his actions could have far-reaching effects.

          Story Forward: 9

          The scene moves the story forward by revealing important plot developments and setting up the climax of the film. Donnie's decision to burn down Jim Cunningham's house has significant consequences for the narrative.

          Unpredictability: 5

          This scene is somewhat unpredictable because the audience is unsure of the outcome of Gretchen's mother's disappearance and the potential danger she may be in.

          Philosophical Conflict: 0

          There is no evident philosophical conflict in this scene.


          Audience Engagement

          Emotional Impact: 10

          The scene evokes strong emotions, including fear, sadness, and anxiety. The audience is deeply invested in Donnie's journey and feels the weight of his decisions.

          Dialogue: 7

          The dialogue effectively conveys the characters' emotions and motivations. The conversation between Donnie and Gretchen reveals their fears and strengthens their bond.

          Engagement: 9

          This scene is engaging because it presents a moment of emotional connection and vulnerability between the characters, creating a sense of empathy and investment for the audience.

          Pacing: 7

          The pacing of the scene is effective in creating tension and anticipation, particularly in the moments of silence and the reveal of the message on the memo board.


          Technical Aspect

          Formatting: 9

          The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre, with proper use of capitalization, punctuation, and spacing.

          Structure: 8

          The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings and concise action and dialogue descriptions.


          Critique
          • The scene starts with Donnie and his friends watching the party unfold, but there is no clear purpose or conflict in this scene. It feels like a transitional scene that doesn't add much to the overall story.
          • The dialogue between Donnie and Gretchen about her missing mother feels rushed and lacks emotional depth. It would be more impactful to explore Gretchen's fear and Donnie's empathy in a more meaningful way.
          • The revelation of the message on the memo board feels forced and contrived. It doesn't have a strong connection to the previous events and feels like a random plot point.
          • The scene lacks tension and suspense, which is important for building anticipation towards the climax of the story. It would benefit from more dramatic elements or conflicts to keep the audience engaged.
          • The transition from the party to the revelation of the message on the memo board is abrupt and could be smoother. It feels like a disjointed sequence of events.
          Suggestions
          • Consider adding a clear conflict or purpose to the scene that drives the story forward. This could be a confrontation between Donnie and another character, or a revelation that adds depth to the characters' motivations.
          • Take more time to develop the emotional impact of Gretchen's missing mother. Show Donnie's empathy and support in a way that resonates with the audience.
          • Reconsider the revelation of the message on the memo board. It should have a stronger connection to the previous events and contribute to the overall plot.
          • Introduce more tension and suspense in the scene to keep the audience engaged. This could be achieved through the use of dramatic elements, conflicts, or unexpected twists.
          • Improve the transition between the party and the revelation of the message on the memo board. Make it feel more seamless and connected to the previous events.



          Scene 41 -  Encounter with Grandma Death
          EXT. BACKYARD / PATIO - NEXT

          They move through the backyard.

          GRETCHEN
          Donnie, what's going on!

          She stops him.

          DONNIE
          Time is running out. We have to go
          see Grandma Death. We have to talk
          to her.

          GRETCHEN
          Why? Is this about the book?
          90.

          DONNIE
          No. Frank.

          GRETCHEN
          Who's Frank?

          Ronald and Sean approach.

          SEAN
          Donnie? Where are we going?

          Donnie looks at Gretchen... This is it.

          DONNIE
          She knows. I know she knows.

          EXT. NEIGHBOURHOOD STREET - NIGHT (1:15 A.M.)

          The group of hour ride their bikes down the street.

          EXT. FOREST - NIGHT (1:45 A.M.)

          They ride their bikes through the forest.

          EXT. GRANDMA DEATH'S HOUSE - NIGHT (1:30 A.M.)

          They stand in front of the dark house. It is pitch-black. No
          lights anywhere.

          SEAN
          There's nobody here... Just forget
          it.

          Then... there is a clanking noise from somewhere around the
          side of the house. Everyone hears it.

          Donnie looks towards the lower front of the house where there
          is a cellar door.

          GRETCHEN
          Is that a cellar door?

          DONNIE
          (his eyes widen)
          Yeah...

          The cellar door is ajar... and there is a dim light coming
          out from inside.

          RONALD
          Don't open it, Donnie. Let's just
          leave.

          INT. GRANDMA DEATH'S CELLAR - NEXT

          Donnie and Gretchen open the door to the cellar... and descend
          down into a murky pit with a stone floor.
          91.

          Inside... the room is quite large... filled with row after
          row of boxes, paintings, antique furniture and chandeliers.
          There is even an ancient piano in the back.

          Gretchen slowly reaches her hand out and places her finger
          on the deepest piano key.

          Suddenly a figure emerges from the shadows and slams Donnie
          into the wall. He then grabs Gretchen by placing an arm
          around her neck with a butcher's knife.

          It is Ricky Danforth. Seth comes out from another corner...
          also brandishing a butcher's knife. Both have pantyhose pulled
          over their heads.

          RICKY
          Get the fuck out! Now!

          Ricky drags Gretchen out. Seth drags Donnie out.

          EXT. GRANDMA DEATH'S HOUSE - NEXT

          The four of them come bursting out of the cellar.

          Seth holds Donnie's arms down with his knees and places the
          butcher's knife against his throat.

          Ricky throws Gretchen down hard onto the shoulder of Old Gun
          Road. She lets out a gasp of pain as her head hits the
          gravel.

          RICKY
          Motherfuckers!

          SETH
          I have... a bigger knife now.

          Sean and Ronald watch... dumbfounded, backing away.

          Seth just stares down at Donnie with his dead eyes... pushing
          the knife down harder, cutting off Donnie's air supply.

          SEAN
          Hey... there's someone coming! Look,
          there's a car coming!

          Seth slowly turns his head and sees... far down Old Gun
          Road... approaching headlights.

          DONNIE
          (barely audible whisper)
          Dea ex machina...

          SETH
          What did you say?
          92.

          DONNIE
          Our saviour...

          The headlights are getting close.

          RICKY
          They called the fuckin' cops!

          Gretchen struggles to breathe on the shoulder of the road...
          the wind knocked out of her, semi-conscious.

          SETH
          That's no cop...

          The headlights are getting close.

          GRETCHEN
          (in a hoarse whisper)
          Donnie...

          Even closer...

          DONNIE
          You better run.

          RICKY
          Forget it... let's go!

          Seth doesn't move... He just stares down at Donnie.

          RICKY (CONT'D)
          Come on! Let's go!

          SETH
          You're dead, Donnie Darko.

          Seth gets up and runs off with Ricky into the forest... just
          as the approaching car crests the top of Old Gun Road at
          breakneck speed.

          Suddenly, in the bright glow of the car's headlights... is
          the silhouette of Grandma Death... standing in the middle of
          the road. In her right hand she is clutching a letter.

          Donnie's letter.

          GRETCHEN
          Donnie...

          The car swerves left, barely missing Grandma Death.

          The Pontiac tries to brake hard... but the wheels lock...
          and it goes skidding onto the shoulder.

          Gretchen raises her head from the gravel... into bright
          headlight beams.
          93.

          The Trans-Am goes barrelling over her like a speed-bump...
          and her limp body rolls off into the grassy ditch.

          The Trans-Am skids off into the grass and collides head-on
          with the crumbling stone chimney... which explodes into the
          crumpled hood of the car... as it eventually comes to a stop
          in a fury of smoke.

          Donnie staggers to his feet... regaining his breath. He runs
          over to Gretchen and kneels down next to her.

          DONNIE
          Gretchen... wake up. Wake up.

          Her neck is broken. She has no pulse.

          The passenger door to the Trans-Am opens, and a passenger in
          a clown costume gets out.

          The driver's side door opens and the driver gets out.

          He is wearing a rabbit suit. A Halloween costume.

          He is holding the grotesque rabbit helmet in his hand.

          It is Frank.

          PASSENGER
          Frank... what'd you do... what'd you
          do!

          Frank approaches Donnie... who raises his head from Gretchen
          to see him for the first time... face to face... with an
          expression of shocked horror.

          PASSENGER (CONT'D)
          She's dead. You killed her, Frank!

          Frank is in shock.

          FRANK
          She's dead.

          Donnie slowly nods his head. Sean and Ronald approach him
          slowly. Grandma Death looms behind them.

          FRANK (CONT'D)
          What the fuck. Look at my fucking
          car!

          PASSENGER
          Let's get out of here. Let's get out
          of here, Frank!

          FRANK
          What were you stupid fucks doing in
          the middle of the road?
          94.

          DONNIE
          Waiting for you.

          Donnie raises the gun from his father's closet with his right
          hand, and to his own surprise, he pulls the trigger.

          Frank's left eye implodes as the bullet passes through his
          head. His body falls limply to the ground.

          PASSENGER
          Holy shit...

          The Passenger turns and runs off into the woods.

          RONALD
          What'd you do, Donnie? What'd you
          do!

          DONNIE
          (very calm)
          Go home. Go home and tell your parents
          that everything is going to be just
          fine.

          After contemplation of the recent events... Sean and Ronald
          turn and run off in the opposite direction.

          Donnie is left alone... with the dead bodies.

          He turns and stares at Grandma Death... who is calmly standing
          there... with his letter in her hand.

          GRANDMA DEATH
          A storm is coming.
          (beat)
          You must hurry.

          Donnie is still in shock.
          Genres: ["Drama","Thriller","Mystery"]

          Summary Donnie and Gretchen lead Ronald and Sean to Grandma Death's house. They find a cellar door ajar and descend inside, where they are attacked by Ricky and Seth. A car approaches, scaring off Ricky and Seth, but Gretchen is killed in the crash. Donnie shoots Frank, and Sean and Ronald flee. Donnie remains with the dead bodies and Grandma Death.
          Strengths
          • Intense emotional impact
          • Effective use of suspense and tension
          • Compelling character development
          • Engaging plot progression
          Weaknesses
          • Some dialogue could be more nuanced

          Ratings
          Overall

          Overall: 10

          The scene is highly impactful and emotionally charged, with a tragic turn of events and a shocking revelation. It effectively builds tension and suspense, leading to a climactic moment that leaves a lasting impact on the audience.


          Story Content

          Concept: 9

          The concept of the scene revolves around the idea of fate and the consequences of choices. It explores the themes of sacrifice and the blurred lines between good and evil. The concept is executed effectively, with the revelation of Frank's true identity and the tragic death of Gretchen.

          Plot: 10

          The plot of the scene is highly engaging and intense. It follows the characters as they confront Grandma Death and face the consequences of their actions. The revelation of Frank's true identity and the tragic death of Gretchen propel the plot forward and create a sense of urgency and suspense.

          Originality: 6

          The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While the situation of characters being confronted by unknown assailants and the use of a cellar as a setting are familiar elements, the specific details and the way they are presented add freshness to the scene. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue contributes to the originality of the scene.


          Character Development

          Characters: 9

          The characters in the scene are well-developed and their emotions and motivations are effectively portrayed. Donnie's transformation from a confused teenager to a determined hero is particularly compelling. The scene also introduces the complex and mysterious character of Grandma Death.

          Character Changes: 9

          The scene marks a significant change in Donnie's character. He goes from being a confused and troubled teenager to a determined hero willing to make sacrifices. The death of Gretchen and the confrontation with Frank force him to confront his own destiny and make difficult choices.

          Internal Goal: 8

          The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to confront Grandma Death and talk to her. This reflects his deeper need to understand the events happening around him and his fear of the unknown.

          External Goal: 7

          The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to find Grandma Death's house and enter the cellar. This reflects the immediate challenge of uncovering the truth and solving the mystery surrounding his life.


          Scene Elements

          Conflict Level: 10

          The conflict in the scene is intense and multi-layered. There is a physical confrontation between Donnie and Frank, as well as an emotional conflict between Donnie and Gretchen. The stakes are high, with the lives of the characters hanging in the balance.

          Opposition: 8

          The opposition in this scene is strong, with the protagonist facing physical threats from Ricky Danforth and Seth, as well as the emotional and psychological challenges of confronting Grandma Death. The audience is unsure of how the situation will unfold, adding to the tension and suspense.

          High Stakes: 10

          The stakes in the scene are incredibly high, with the lives of the characters hanging in the balance. The death of Gretchen and the confrontation with Frank have far-reaching consequences for Donnie and the world around him. The scene raises the stakes and creates a sense of urgency.

          Story Forward: 10

          The scene moves the story forward significantly, with the revelation of Frank's true identity and the tragic death of Gretchen. It sets up the final act of the film and raises the stakes for the protagonist. The scene is a turning point in the narrative.

          Unpredictability: 7

          This scene is unpredictable because it includes unexpected events such as the appearance of Ricky Danforth and Seth, the clanking noise from the cellar, and the confrontation with Grandma Death. These elements add suspense and surprise to the scene.

          Philosophical Conflict: 0

          There is no evident philosophical conflict in this scene.


          Audience Engagement

          Emotional Impact: 10

          The scene has a high emotional impact, with tragic events and intense moments of confrontation. The death of Gretchen and the revelation of Frank's true identity evoke strong emotions in the audience. The scene is designed to elicit a strong emotional response.

          Dialogue: 8

          The dialogue in the scene is impactful and reveals important information about the characters and their motivations. The confrontation between Donnie and Frank is particularly intense and memorable. However, there are moments where the dialogue could be more nuanced and subtle.

          Engagement: 9

          This scene is engaging because it is filled with suspense, action, and dramatic moments. The high stakes and the mystery surrounding the characters' actions keep the audience invested in the scene.

          Pacing: 9

          The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by maintaining a sense of urgency and tension. The quick and concise dialogue exchanges, combined with the vivid and atmospheric narrative description, create a rhythm that keeps the scene engaging and propels the story forward.


          Technical Aspect

          Formatting: 9

          The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It uses proper scene headings, action lines, and dialogue formatting. The scene is well-paced and easy to follow.

          Structure: 8

          The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It begins with an establishing shot and then moves through different locations, building tension and suspense. The scene ends with a dramatic climax and sets up the next part of the narrative.


          Critique
          • The scene lacks clear motivation for Donnie's decision to go see Grandma Death. It is not clear why he believes she knows something important.
          • The dialogue between Donnie and Gretchen feels forced and unnatural. Their conversation about the book and Frank does not flow smoothly.
          • The introduction of Ricky and Seth as antagonists feels sudden and out of place. Their appearance and attack on Donnie and Gretchen is not adequately set up.
          • The resolution of the conflict with Ricky and Seth is rushed and lacks tension. Their sudden departure and the arrival of Grandma Death feels contrived.
          • The scene lacks emotional depth and fails to fully explore the impact of Gretchen's death on Donnie and the other characters.
          Suggestions
          • Provide clearer motivation for Donnie's decision to go see Grandma Death. Show why he believes she knows something important and why it is necessary for him to talk to her.
          • Rewrite the dialogue between Donnie and Gretchen to make it more natural and believable. Focus on their emotional connection and the impact of recent events on their relationship.
          • Introduce Ricky and Seth earlier in the story to establish them as potential antagonists. Build tension and conflict between them and Donnie throughout the script.
          • Develop the resolution of the conflict with Ricky and Seth to create a more satisfying and impactful climax. Show the consequences of their actions and the emotional aftermath for Donnie and the other characters.
          • Explore the emotional impact of Gretchen's death on Donnie and the other characters. Show their grief and the ways in which it changes them.



          Scene 42 -  Donnie's Destiny Fulfilled
          EXT. NEIGHBOURHOOD STREET - EARLY MORNING (4:30 A.M.)

          Donnie carries Gretchen home.

          INT. FAMILY ROOM - NEXT

          Donnie looks down at Elizabeth asleep on the couch. He then
          leans down and gives her a kiss on the forehead.

          EXT. DARKO HOUSE DRIVEWAY - NEXT

          Donnie walks out to the Taurus, then stops and looks up at
          the sky.

          EXT. DARKO HOUSE - DRIVEWAY - NEXT

          The Time Portal begins to form above the house.
          95.

          Donnie touches his stomach... feeling sick once again.

          Donnie then steps into the car, where Gretchen sits in the
          passenger seat. He turns on the engine and peels out of the
          driveway.

          INT. FORD TAURUS - EARLY MORNING

          Donnie drives the Taurus up Carpathian Ridge.

          EXT. CARPATHIAN RIDGE - EARLY MORNING (5:30 A.M.)

          Donnie sits on the roof of the Taurus looking out.

          He smiles, lighting a cigarette.

          DONNIE
          28 days, 6 hours, 42 minutes, 12
          seconds. We're almost home.

          EXT. SKY - NEXT

          We see the Time Portal in the distance, forming.

          INT. FLIGHT 2806 - DAWN (6 A.M.)

          Samantha Darko is fast asleep. Her head rests on Rose's
          shoulder. She looks out of the window at the rising sun.

          EXT. DARKO HOUSE - DAWN

          The Portal continues to form above the Darko house.

          Police cars pull up in front of the house.

          EXT. CARPATHIAN RIDGE - DAWN

          Donnie continues to stare out at the canyon.

          EXT. SKY - NEXT

          We see the Time Portal once again.

          INT. FORD TAURUS - NEXT

          Donnie steps off the hood and gets into the car.

          He takes Gretchen's hand.

          INT. FLIGHT 2806 - NEXT

          On the plane, Rose looks out of the window as the jet wing
          explodes (audio only... we don't see it). She screams out as
          the cabin shakes violently.
          96.

          EXT. DARKO HOUSE - DAWN

          The Time Portal continues to form over the house.

          EXT. SKY - NEXT

          The left jet engine from Flight 2806 falls downward through
          the sky. Beneath it, the Portal forms itself.

          EXT. SKY - NEXT

          The falling jet engine approaches the hexagonal plate of
          light which accelerates downwards... forming a tunnel with
          walls made of swirling liquid marble.

          The jet engine passes into the hexagonal plate.

          INT. / EXT. VARIOUS

          In a series of inter-velometer time-lapse shots... the entire
          suburban landscape retreats backward in a fury of speed.

          Shot 1: a time-lapse of the mongrel statue.

          Shot 2: a time-lapse of the main school hallway.

          Shot 3: a time-lapse of the main school building.

          Shot 4: a time-lapse of neighbourhood street/Darko house.

          INT. FOYER - NIGHT

          We Steadicam up the stairs.

          INT. DONNIE'S ROOM - NIGHT

          We move towards Donnie's empty bed.

          Title card:

          OCTOBER 2 1988

          INT. VARIOUS BEDROOMS - NIGHT (1:30 A.M.)

          Dr. Thurman wakes up.

          Jim Cunningham wakes up... sobbing.

          Kitty Farmer wakes up... coming to a horrible realisation.

          Karen Pomeroy and Dr. Monnitoff wake up together.

          Cherita Chen wakes up.
          97.

          EXT. SKY - NIGHT (1:30 A.M.)

          The jet engine falls silently through the night down towards
          the Darko house... having travelled back in time.

          INT. DONNIE'S ROOM - NEXT

          Donnie wakes up. He is laughing hysterically.

          The engine crashes through his ceiling... engulfing the room.

          INT. FAMILY ROOM - NEXT

          Eddie jumps up from the La-Z Boy... startled awake by the
          impact.

          INT. MASTER BEDROOM - NEXT

          Rose sits up in bed, hearing the crash.

          ROSE
          Eddie?

          INT. FOYER - NEXT

          Elizabeth leans against the wall, screaming.

          INT. DONNIE'S ROOM - NEXT

          The mammoth jet engine has plummeted all the way down through
          the house, creating a cavernous hole that splits Donnie's
          room in half. The smoke from the wreckage begins to clear.

          Above the engine is Donnie... impaled through the stomach by
          a wooden beam that was once part of the floor beneath his
          bed. There is blood gushing from his mouth, as his face is
          contorted into an expression that could almost be a smile.

          EXT. NEIGHBOURHOOD STREET - MORNING (11 A.M.)

          The same disaster scene as before... only more media, more
          neighbours, and a Coroner. People stand around in shock...
          disbelief.

          From the other end of the street, a girl comes riding along
          on a bike... slowly taking in the entire scene. She pulls
          up to the kerb where a kid named David (eleven) is standing
          around.

          It is Gretchen Ross.

          GRETCHEN
          Hi... what's going on here?

          DAVID
          Horrible accident. My neighbour...
          he got killed.
          98.

          GRETCHEN
          What happened?

          DAVID
          He got smooshed. By a jet engine.

          She stares at the house, where paramedics wheel a body out
          of the front door.

          GRETCHEN
          What was his name?

          DAVID
          Donnie. Donnie Darko.

          They stare at the front yard for a while. We see Elizabeth.
          We see Eddie, carrying Samantha... who is crying.

          DAVID (CONT'D)
          I feel bad for his family.

          GRETCHEN
          (long beat)
          Yeah.

          DAVID
          Did you know him?

          She stares at the family for several moments... and then
          shakes her head slowly as if trying to locate a memory that
          is slipping away.

          GRETCHEN
          No.

          Rose, leaning against a tree while smoking a cigarette,
          notices them. She seems to recognise Gretchen... from
          somewhere in the vast reservoir of her memory.

          She waves at her.

          She waves back.

          FADE OUT.

          THE END
          Genres: ["Drama","Sci-Fi","Mystery"]

          Summary Donnie and Gretchen's journey comes to an end as the Time Portal forms over the Darko house. Donnie embraces his destiny and travels through the portal in the Taurus with Gretchen, while Samantha witnesses the plane's wing explode on Flight 2806. The jet engine crashes through Donnie's room, tragically ending his life. Gretchen arrives at the scene to find Donnie's lifeless body. As she grieves, Rose acknowledges her presence, a poignant reminder of the interconnectedness of time and the sacrifices made for the greater good.
          Strengths
          • Strong emotional impact
          • Thought-provoking themes
          • Engaging plot
          Weaknesses
          • Dialogue could be more memorable

          Ratings
          Overall

          Overall: 9

          The scene is highly impactful and thought-provoking, with strong emotional resonance and a shocking twist. It effectively combines elements of drama, sci-fi, and mystery to create a compelling narrative.


          Story Content

          Concept: 9

          The concept of time travel and the exploration of predeterminism versus free will are central to the scene. The Time Portal and the consequences of altering the past add depth and intrigue to the story.

          Plot: 8

          The plot is engaging and keeps the audience on the edge of their seats. The revelation of Jim Cunningham's dark secret and the impending jet engine crash create tension and drive the story forward.

          Originality: 2

          The level of originality in this scene is low. It depicts a common disaster scenario and does not present any fresh approaches or unique situations. The authenticity of characters' actions and dialogue is not evident from the given text.


          Character Development

          Characters: 8

          The characters are well-developed and their actions and choices have significant consequences. Donnie's transformation and ultimate sacrifice add depth and emotional weight to the scene.

          Character Changes: 9

          Donnie undergoes a significant character change throughout the scene, from a troubled and confused teenager to a selfless hero willing to sacrifice himself for the greater good.

          Internal Goal: 0

          The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is not explicitly stated or shown.

          External Goal: 0

          The protagonist's external goal in this scene is not explicitly stated or shown.


          Scene Elements

          Conflict Level: 8

          The conflict in the scene is high, with the impending jet engine crash and the revelation of Jim Cunningham's dark secret. The characters are faced with difficult choices and must confront the consequences of their actions.

          Opposition: 7

          The opposition in this scene is moderately strong. The protagonist faces the opposition of the impending disaster and his own mortality.

          High Stakes: 10

          The stakes are incredibly high in the scene, with the impending jet engine crash threatening the lives of the characters and the revelation of Jim Cunningham's dark secret putting their safety and well-being at risk.

          Story Forward: 9

          The scene moves the story forward by revealing important information about the Time Portal, Jim Cunningham's dark secret, and the impending jet engine crash. It sets up the climax and resolution of the film.

          Unpredictability: 6

          This scene is somewhat unpredictable because it introduces the unexpected event of a jet engine crashing into the protagonist's room. However, the overall outcome and resolution are still unclear.

          Philosophical Conflict: 0

          There is no evident philosophical conflict in this scene.


          Audience Engagement

          Emotional Impact: 10

          The scene is highly emotional, with the tragic death of Gretchen and the sacrifice of Donnie. It elicits strong feelings of sadness, shock, and reflection.

          Dialogue: 7

          The dialogue effectively conveys the emotions and motivations of the characters. It is concise and impactful, but could benefit from more memorable and quotable lines.

          Engagement: 7

          This scene is engaging because it presents a dramatic moment with the protagonist's impending fate and the aftermath of a disaster. The introduction of Gretchen at the end adds intrigue and raises questions.

          Pacing: 9

          The pacing of this scene is effective in building tension and suspense. The quick succession of events and the time-lapse shots create a sense of urgency and anticipation.


          Technical Aspect

          Formatting: 8

          The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It includes proper scene descriptions, character names, and dialogue formatting.

          Structure: 8

          The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It includes clear scene headings, action lines, and dialogue.


          Critique
          • The scene lacks clear direction and purpose. It seems to be a transition scene leading up to the climax, but it doesn't provide enough tension or build-up.
          • The dialogue is minimal and doesn't contribute much to the overall story or character development.
          • The visual descriptions are vague and don't create a strong sense of atmosphere or emotion.
          • The pacing of the scene is slow and doesn't effectively build suspense or anticipation.
          • The ending of the scene feels abrupt and doesn't provide a satisfying resolution or cliffhanger.
          Suggestions
          • Consider adding more conflict or tension to the scene to make it more engaging for the audience.
          • Develop the dialogue to reveal more about the characters' motivations and emotions.
          • Enhance the visual descriptions to create a more vivid and immersive setting.
          • Adjust the pacing of the scene to create a better sense of rhythm and build-up.
          • Revise the ending of the scene to leave the audience with a stronger impression or anticipation for the next scene.