Read Fargo Pilot with its analysis


See Full Analysis here

Scene 1 -  The Mysterious Crash
EXT. TWO LANE HIGHWAY. RURAL MINNESOTA - DAY

The white becomes snowfall, a blizzard. Through it we can
make out a two lane road. A car emerges from the snow --
rust-spotted, chains on the tires -- coming towards us.

CUT TO:

INT. CAR (TRAVELING) - DAY

LORNE MALVO, age unknown, birth place unknown, sits behind
the wheel, his breath white with frost. If he minds he
doesn’t show it.

As he drives we become aware of THUMPING coming from inside
the trunk. As if someone is in there who doesn’t want to be.
Malvo ignores it.

A DEER

appears in the road ahead of him. Malvo turns too late, HITS
it. The CAR SKIDS off the road, ROLLS twice -- the trunk
popping open -- before coming to rest on its wheels.

Beat. A MAN emerges from the trunk wearing only underwear.
He is stunned from the crash, but sound enough of mind to
know this is his chance. As we watch he LOPES off through
waist-deep snow, making for the tree line.

Beat. The driver’s door opens. Slowly, Malvo climbs out.
His head is bleeding where it hit the windshield. He stands
unsteadily in the snow, getting his bearings.

ANGLE ON THE OTHER MAN

Loping off through the snow. Malvo could catch him if he
tried, but he makes no attempt. Instead he walks into the
center of the road where the deer lays on its side,
struggling to get up. Three of its four legs are broken, but
still it fights for life. Malvo stands over the wounded
animal, looking down.
2.


CLOSE UP ON THE DEER

It’s eyes wild, blood bubbles foaming from its nose and
mouth, mortally wounded.

CLOSE UP ON MALVO

Studying it’s eyes. What does he see in there?

We begin to hear a strange throbbing, churning sound, half
animal, half machine.

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Thriller","Drama"]

Summary In this tense and mysterious scene, Lorne Malvo's car skids off the road and rolls after hitting a deer. A man escapes from the trunk and disappears into the snow. Despite being injured, Malvo walks towards the wounded deer and closely observes it. The scene ends with Malvo standing over the deer, studying its eyes.
Strengths
  • Suspenseful atmosphere
  • Mysterious protagonist
  • Visual and sound design
Weaknesses
  • Minimal dialogue

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene effectively establishes a suspenseful and intense tone, introduces a mysterious protagonist, and creates a sense of foreboding. The visuals and sound design enhance the atmosphere and engage the audience. The scene leaves the viewer intrigued and wanting to know more.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a mysterious protagonist involved in a car accident and encountering a wounded deer in a blizzard is intriguing and sets up the potential for a compelling story. The scene effectively introduces the concept and leaves room for further exploration.

Plot: 7

The plot of the scene revolves around the car accident, the emergence of a man from the trunk, and the encounter with the wounded deer. While it sets up the initial conflict and introduces the protagonist, it is still early in the story and leaves room for further development.

Originality: 6

The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While the setting of a car accident during a blizzard is not entirely unique, the specific details and the philosophical conflict add freshness to the scene. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue contributes to the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The scene introduces Lorne Malvo, a mysterious and enigmatic character. While not much is revealed about him, his actions and demeanor create intrigue and make him compelling. The emergence of the man from the trunk adds another layer of mystery to the scene.

Character Changes: 6

While there is not significant character change in the scene, the emergence of the man from the trunk hints at potential character development and transformation in the future.

Internal Goal: 7

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is not explicitly stated, but it can be inferred that Lorne Malvo is a mysterious and enigmatic character. His calm demeanor and lack of concern for the person in the trunk or the injured deer suggest a deeper need for control, power, or a disregard for human life.

External Goal: 8

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to assess the situation after the car accident and potentially pursue the man who escaped from the trunk. It reflects the immediate circumstances and challenges he's facing, such as the crash, the injured deer, and the man fleeing into the snow.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The scene introduces conflict through the car accident, the emergence of the man from the trunk, and the encounter with the wounded deer. While the conflict is not overtly intense, it creates tension and sets up the potential for further conflict in the story.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in this scene is strong as the protagonist faces challenges such as the car accident, the injured deer, and the man escaping. The audience is unsure of how the protagonist will respond to these obstacles.

High Stakes: 8

The scene establishes high stakes through the car accident, the presence of the mysterious protagonist, and the potential danger lurking in the blizzard. It creates a sense of urgency and raises the tension.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by introducing the protagonist, establishing the mysterious circumstances, and creating a sense of anticipation for what will happen next.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because it introduces unexpected elements, such as the man escaping from the trunk and the protagonist's indifference towards the injured deer. The audience is unsure of what will happen next and how the protagonist will act.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

There is a philosophical conflict evident in this scene between the protagonist's indifference towards human life and the wounded deer fighting for its life. This challenges or relates to the protagonist's beliefs, values, or worldview by highlighting his lack of empathy or moral compass.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a sense of tension and foreboding, which elicits an emotional response from the audience. The visuals and sound design enhance the emotional impact and create a memorable atmosphere.

Dialogue: 6

The dialogue in the scene is minimal, with most of the impact coming from the visuals and sound design. However, the lack of dialogue adds to the suspense and mystery of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it presents a mysterious and intriguing situation, introduces a morally ambiguous protagonist, and creates tension through the car accident and the wounded deer. The audience is drawn into the scene and wants to know more about the characters and their motivations.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by creating a sense of tension and anticipation. The slower moments, such as the protagonist studying the deer's eyes, contrast with the faster-paced moments, such as the car accident and the man escaping.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It uses proper scene headings, action lines, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It begins with an establishing shot, introduces the protagonist, presents the external and internal goals, and ends with a moment of contemplation.


Critique
  • The scene starts with a strong visual description of a blizzard and a car emerging from the snow, which sets the tone and atmosphere effectively.
  • The introduction of the main character, Lorne Malvo, is intriguing with his mysterious background and his nonchalant attitude towards the thumping sound coming from the trunk.
  • The sudden appearance of a deer in the road adds tension and creates a moment of conflict.
  • The emergence of a man from the trunk and his escape through the snow adds an element of surprise and raises questions about his connection to Malvo.
  • The description of Malvo's injuries and his unsteady state after the crash adds to the physicality of the scene and emphasizes the impact of the accident.
  • The focus on the wounded deer and Malvo's contemplation of it creates a sense of introspection and adds depth to his character.
  • The use of close-ups on the deer and Malvo's face helps to intensify the emotional impact of the scene.
  • The introduction of a strange throbbing sound at the end adds an eerie and unsettling element to the scene.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more specific details about Lorne Malvo's appearance and demeanor to further enhance his enigmatic nature.
  • Provide some hints or clues about the identity and significance of the man in the trunk to create intrigue and anticipation for future scenes.
  • Explore the internal thoughts or dialogue of Malvo to give insight into his motivations and intentions.
  • Consider incorporating more sensory details to immerse the reader in the blizzard and the aftermath of the crash.
  • Further develop the symbolism and thematic elements related to the wounded deer to deepen the meaning of the scene.
  • Experiment with the pacing of the scene to create moments of tension and release.
  • Consider foreshadowing or hinting at the strange throbbing sound earlier in the scene to build anticipation and curiosity.



Scene 2 -  Lester's Frustrations
INT. KITCHEN. NYGAARD HOUSE. SAINT CLOUD, MINNESOTA - DAY

LESTER NYGAARD, 40, home for lunch, sits at the kitchen
table. Lester is the kind of guy who apologizes when you
step on his foot. His wife, PEARL, 39, is heating up a can
of soup at the stove. We get the sense she has been talking
nonstop since Lester walked in the door.

PEARL
-- Saturday. I said we’d bring a
Jello salad, but Kitty said
meatloaf, so --

The surging, churning sound is louder now, coming from under
the floor. Nygaard listens to it, both fascinated and
slightly disturbed.

PEARL (CONT’D)
(exasperated)
Hon?

LESTER NYGAARD
(snaps out of it)
What’s that, hon?

Pearl brings the pot over, ladles tomato soup into his bowl.

PEARL
(exasperated)
I said it’s Scotty’s birthday
Saturday. We’re supposed ta be at
your brother’s at one. With
meatloaf.

LESTER NYGAARD
(beat, listening)
It sounds different today, don’t ya
think? Angry.
3.


PEARL
I’m washing towels. That’s the
towel sound.

She sits. They eat.

PEARL (CONT’D)
Kitty says they just got one of
those fancy European all in ones.
Says it washes and dries. One
machine. Can you believe that?

LESTER NYGAARD
I bet that set them back a penny.

PEARL
He can afford it, your brother.
Kitty said he just got a big
promotion. After only working
there a year.

We can tell his brother is a touchy subject for Lester.

PEARL (CONT’D)
Kitty said they got one of those
new surround-sound systems too.
(Lester eats)
Guess I married the wrong Nygaard.
That’s what I said. We had a good
laugh.

LESTER NYGAARD
It’s just slow now. At the shop.

PEARL
Oh, hon. That’s what you always
say. Slow.

Beat. They eat. Lester wipes his mouth, stands.

LESTER NYGAARD
Well, better get back to it.

PEARL
You make your own wins. That’s
what Kitty said Ron told her.
Salesmen make their own wins. You
gotta try harder, hon. Smile, for
Pete sake. Maybe wear a nicer tie.

LESTER NYGAARD
(looks down)
You gave me this tie.
4.


PEARL
Well, if you were a better
salesman, I’da bought you a nicer
tie.

The sound of the washing machine takes on a new urgency.

PEARL (CONT’D)
At least take a look. I keep
thinking maybe it’s the settings.
Kitty said Ron fixes things around
the house all the time. Says he
took the toaster apart over the
weekend. Good as new now. Browns
to beat the band.

Lester’s jaw is tight. He opens the door to the basement.

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Drama","Comedy"]

Summary Lester Nygaard and his wife Pearl have lunch in their kitchen and discuss their plans, Lester's work, and his brother's success. Lester feels inadequate and frustrated with his own situation. The scene ends with Lester opening the door to the basement.
Strengths
  • Natural dialogue
  • Effective portrayal of tension
  • Establishing character dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Minimal plot progression

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively establishes the tone and conflict within the marriage, creating intrigue and setting up potential character arcs.


Story Content

Concept: 7

The concept of a dissatisfied husband and a nagging wife is not groundbreaking, but the scene introduces it in a relatable and engaging way.

Plot: 6

The plot in this scene is minimal, focusing more on character dynamics and establishing the relationship between Lester and Pearl.

Originality: 6

The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While the situation of a couple having a casual conversation in a kitchen is familiar, the specific details and character dynamics add authenticity. The characters' actions and dialogue feel genuine and unique to their personalities.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-defined through their dialogue and actions, particularly Lester and Pearl. Their relationship and individual personalities are effectively portrayed.

Character Changes: 6

There is minimal character change in this scene, but it sets up potential growth and development for Lester.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to find a sense of fulfillment and success in his life. He desires to be a better salesman and to make his own wins. This reflects his deeper need for validation and recognition.

External Goal: 6

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to go back to work. This reflects the immediate circumstances of his lunch break being over and the challenge of trying to succeed in his job.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

There is a moderate level of conflict in the scene, primarily stemming from the tension between Lester and Pearl.

Opposition: 5

The opposition in this scene is not strong. The obstacles or challenges faced by the protagonist are relatively minor and do not create significant tension or suspense.

High Stakes: 5

The stakes in this scene are relatively low, focusing more on personal and relationship conflicts.

Story Forward: 6

The scene does not significantly move the overall story forward, but it establishes important character dynamics and potential conflicts.

Unpredictability: 4

This scene is predictable because it focuses on everyday conversations and does not introduce any unexpected plot twists or surprises.

Philosophical Conflict: 0

There is no evident philosophical conflict in this scene.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene elicits a sense of tension and unease, creating an emotional impact on the audience.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is natural and reveals important information about the characters and their relationship. It effectively conveys tension and subtext.

Engagement: 7

This scene is engaging because it presents relatable characters in a familiar setting. The dialogue and interactions between the characters create a sense of authenticity and draw the audience into their conversation.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by allowing the audience to absorb the characters' dialogue and emotions. The rhythm of the scene feels natural and enhances the realism of the conversation.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. The scene is properly formatted with scene headings, character names, dialogue, and action lines.

Structure: 9

The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It establishes the setting, introduces the characters, and presents their conversation in a clear and coherent manner.


Critique
  • The scene starts abruptly with no transition from the previous scene, which can be disorienting for the audience.
  • The dialogue between Lester and Pearl feels mundane and lacks tension, which is in contrast to the tense and mysterious tone established in the previous scene.
  • The conversation about Scotty's birthday and the washing machine feels irrelevant and doesn't contribute to the overall conflict or plot of the story.
  • The sound of the washing machine is introduced abruptly and doesn't have a clear connection to the previous scene or the following scene.
  • The scene lacks visual elements that could enhance the tension and mystery, such as shots of the blizzard or the aftermath of the car crash.
  • The conflict between Lester and his brother is briefly mentioned but not explored further, leaving it unresolved and disconnected from the scene.
  • The scene ends abruptly with Lester opening the door to the basement, without a clear resolution or transition to the next scene.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a transitional element, such as a visual or auditory cue, to smoothly connect this scene with the previous one.
  • Introduce more tension and mystery into the dialogue between Lester and Pearl, perhaps by hinting at the events of the previous scene or foreshadowing future conflicts.
  • Reevaluate the relevance of the conversation about Scotty's birthday and the washing machine, and consider replacing it with dialogue that directly contributes to the main conflict or plot.
  • Establish a clearer connection between the sound of the washing machine and the overall story, either by integrating it more seamlessly or by providing a stronger narrative purpose for its inclusion.
  • Include visual descriptions that enhance the tense and mysterious tone, such as shots of the blizzard or the aftermath of the car crash.
  • Further explore the conflict between Lester and his brother, either by delving deeper into their relationship or by resolving it in a meaningful way within this scene or later in the screenplay.
  • Provide a clearer resolution or transition at the end of the scene, such as a visual or auditory cue that leads into the next scene.



Scene 3 -  The Unsettling Sales Pitch
INT. BASEMENT. NYGAARD HOUSE - DAY

Lester stands at the bottom of the stairs. The washing
machine is acting like a caged animal, roaring and bucking.
Lester stares at it, hypnotized. We get the sense he’s
looking at his own trapped heart.

CUT TO:

INT. INSURANCE AGENCY. SAINT CLOUD, MINNESOTA - DAY

Lester Nygaard sits across from a YOUNG COUPLE.

LESTER NYGAARD
So, that’s -- like I said, there’s
two kinds of policies you should be
thinking about. You got your Whole
Life and your Whole Life Plus.
Which is -- has all the benefits of
Whole Life -- plus a heck of a lot
more.

YOUNG MAN
We just came in to get Charline on
my health care.

YOUNG WOMAN
On account of I’m having a baby.

YOUNG MAN
Ya. A boy we’re hoping.

YOUNG WOMAN
Or a little girl.
5.


YOUNG MAN
But definitely one or the other.

YOUNG WOMAN
Ya. I’d just about hug the pants
off a little girl.

LESTER NYGAARD
Oh ya? Even more reason to -- all
the more --

He digs through his desk, pulls out a brochure.

LESTER NYGAARD (CONT’D)
-- because, I mean, what happens if
you have an accident at your job?

YOUNG MAN
I work at the library.

LESTER NYGAARD
Well, what if you’re in a car crash
and you go out the windshield? Or
say you’re on a ladder cleaning out
the gutters and fall off the darn
thing and break your neck. These
things happen every day. People
fall asleep smoking in bed and burn
ta death. What I’m saying is the
morgue is full of guys thought they
didn’t need life insurance.

The young couple stares at him, horrified.

LESTER NYGAARD (CONT’D)
(losing steam)
-- for peace of mind, I’m saying.
To know that your little boy --

YOUNG MAN
Or girl.

LESTER NYGAARD
Right. Or little girl is taken
care of.

YOUNG WOMAN
(beat, creeped out)
We’re supposed to be at my mom’s by
four.

YOUNG MAN
Ya, so we’re gonna --
6.


They stand, head for the door.

LESTER NYGAARD
Oh. Okay, well -- at least let me
give you a brochure. Or I got
these nifty pens. Look at that.
Black and red ink. You just click
the -- Okay, well, come on back if
you --

The couple exits. Nygaard sits for a moment.

LESTER NYGAARD (CONT’D)
Well, heck.

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Drama","Comedy"]

Summary Lester Nygaard becomes mesmerized by his chaotic washing machine in the basement. He then tries to sell life insurance to a young couple at an insurance agency, but his examples of accidents and tragedies make them uncomfortable. The couple abruptly leaves, leaving Lester disappointed and alone.
Strengths
  • Effective portrayal of awkwardness and humor
  • Realistic dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Lack of emotional impact
  • Minimal character development

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 7

The scene effectively portrays the awkwardness and ineffectiveness of Lester's sales pitch, providing both comedic and dramatic elements. However, it lacks a strong emotional impact and character development.


Story Content

Concept: 7

The concept of Lester's unsuccessful sales pitch adds humor and highlights his character's lack of confidence and social skills.

Plot: 6

The plot of the scene revolves around Lester's attempt to sell life insurance to the young couple. While it provides some insight into Lester's character and his struggles, it doesn't significantly advance the overall story.

Originality: 6

The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While the situation of an insurance salesman trying to convince potential customers is familiar, the writer adds a unique twist by incorporating humor and awkwardness into the dialogue. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 7

The scene introduces Lester Nygaard as a socially awkward and ineffective salesman. The young couple serves as a contrast to Lester, reacting with horror and discomfort to his pitch.

Character Changes: 4

There is minimal character change in the scene, with Lester remaining socially awkward and ineffective in his sales pitch.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to sell insurance policies to the young couple. This goal reflects his desire for success and validation, as well as his fear of failure and rejection.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to convince the young couple to purchase life insurance. This goal reflects the immediate circumstance of his job as an insurance salesman and the challenge of persuading potential customers.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 5

The conflict in the scene is relatively low, with the young couple's discomfort serving as the main source of tension.

Opposition: 6

The opposition in this scene is moderate. The young couple's hesitation and eventual rejection of the protagonist's sales pitch create a small obstacle for him to overcome. The audience is unsure of how the interaction will go.

High Stakes: 3

The stakes in the scene are relatively low, as it primarily revolves around Lester's personal struggles and his attempt to make a sale.

Story Forward: 5

The scene does not significantly move the story forward, as it primarily focuses on character development and humor.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because the protagonist's attempts to sell insurance take unexpected turns, such as his tangents and awkward interactions with the young couple.

Philosophical Conflict: 0

There is no evident philosophical conflict in this scene.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 4

The scene lacks a strong emotional impact, focusing more on humor and awkwardness rather than eliciting deep emotions from the audience.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue effectively conveys Lester's awkwardness and desperation in his sales pitch. It also provides some comedic moments through the young couple's reactions.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it combines humor, tension, and relatable situations. The dialogue exchanges between the protagonist and the young couple create a sense of anticipation and curiosity.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by alternating between moments of tension and moments of humor. The rhythm of the dialogue exchanges keeps the scene engaging and dynamic.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It uses proper scene headings, action lines, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It begins with a description of the location, followed by a series of dialogue exchanges, and ends with a cut to a different location.


Critique
  • The transition from the previous scene to this one feels abrupt and disjointed. It's not clear how or why we suddenly shift from Lester opening the door to the basement to him sitting in an insurance agency.
  • The description of the washing machine as 'acting like a caged animal, roaring and bucking' is a bit melodramatic and doesn't quite fit with the tone of the previous scene.
  • The dialogue between Lester and the young couple in the insurance agency feels forced and unnatural. The conversation lacks authenticity and doesn't flow smoothly.
  • The dialogue also seems to go off on tangents and doesn't directly address the conflict or tension established in the previous scene.
  • There is a lack of visual elements or actions in this scene, which makes it feel static and unengaging.
  • The scene ends abruptly without a clear resolution or sense of closure.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a smoother transition between the previous scene and this one to create a more seamless flow.
  • Revisit the description of the washing machine to make it more in line with the tone and style of the screenplay.
  • Revise the dialogue between Lester and the young couple to make it more natural and authentic. Focus on addressing the conflict and tension established in the previous scene.
  • Introduce more visual elements or actions to make the scene visually engaging and dynamic.
  • Provide a clearer resolution or sense of closure at the end of the scene to leave the audience with a satisfying conclusion.



Scene 4 -  Humiliation and Violence Outside the Appliance Shop
EXT. APPLIANCE SHOP. SAINT CLOUD, MINNESOTA - DAY

Lester stands outside the store, staring in through the plate
glass window at a brand new washer dryer set. He’s wearing a
puffy orange coat and a wool hat with ear flaps.

An SUV pulls up down the block. SAM HESS, 40, climbs out
with his TWIN SONS, MICKEY and MOE, 15. Hess is a big guy,
intimidating. His boys look like two identical blocking
sleds.

SAM HESS
(to the driver)
Circle for a bit. I’m gonna feed
the boys.

The SUV pulls away. Hess and sons walk towards Lester.

MOE
Dad said I could get pie for lunch.

MICKEY
(snickers)
Ya. Hair pie.

Sam WACKS Mickey in the back of the head. Moe cracks up.
Oblivious, Lester stares at the washer dryer. Walking by,
Hess recognizes him.

SAM HESS
(stopping)
Will ya look at that. It’s Lester
Niggered.

Lester turns, sees Hess. It takes a moment for him to
recognize him, but when he does he looks nervous.
7.


LESTER NYGAARD
Come on now, Sam. It’s -- well,
it’s Nygaard. Same as in high
school.

MICKEY
You went to high school with Lester
Niggered, dad?

MOE
Ya, dad, did you --

SAM HESS
Shut up. How you been, Lester?

LESTER NYGAARD
Oh, can’t complain.

SAM HESS
You look like a damn pumpkin. You
turn into a pumpkin at midnight?
You got stepsisters?

MICKEY
Stepsisters were evil, dad. They
weren’t fairies.

SAM HESS
Shutup.

LESTER NYGAARD
Um, uh. You look good, Sam.

SAM HESS
Why wouldn’t I? Got my own
trucking company now. Hess and
Sons. These are the sons. God help
me.

MICKEY
Yeah, we’re the ...

SAM HESS
Shutup. Got rigs all over the
Great Lakes.
(to his sons)
Hey, you remember I told you the
story of the boy I put in the oil
drum and rolled onto the highway?

MICKEY
Is that him, dad?
8.


MOE
Ya, dad. Is that him?

SAM HESS
Oh you betcha. Good old Lester
pencil dick. Say, Lester. What
was the name of that girl you went
with in high school? The curvy
one?

LESTER NYGAARD
Pearl.

SAM HESS
Ya, Pearl. What a rack on that
girl.

MOE
(to Mickey)
Dad’s saying she had big titties.

MICKEY
I know what rack means, ya fairy.

Hess smacks both boys in the back of the head.

MICKEY (CONT’D)
Ow.

MOE
Ya, dad. Ow.

SAM HESS
(to Lester)
You know she gave me a tug once.
Homecoming, senior year. Had these
nice fat hands. Real soft. Let me
feel up her tits while she did it.

LESTER NYGAARD
We’re married now. Going on
eighteen years.

Sam is taken off guard by this. The kids crack up.

MICKEY
Oh, dad. That’s embarrassing.

MOE
Ya, dad. Super embarrassing.

Hess’s eyes narrow. His face is burning and he doesn’t like
the feeling.
9.


SAM HESS
Eighteen years, huh? That’s
something.
(beat)
Never knew what she saw in you,
really.

LESTER NYGAARD
Oh, well --

SAM HESS
I mean, help me out. No looks. Or
brains. Or money.

Lester can tell he’s in danger.

LESTER NYGAARD
Ya. Well. I should get back to it.

But Hess moves in front of Lester.

SAM HESS
A little guy like you.

MICKEY
He’s real small dad.

MOE
A real pee wee.

LESTER NYGAARD
Ha. Ya. Real good seeing you, Sam.
Real good. And meeting your boys.

But Hess won’t let him go

SAM HESS
(to his sons)
Did I ever tell you how I used to
beat this little guy up in high
school? I’d write my name on my
fist in Sharpie fore I punched him,
so everyone would know who did it.

MICKEY
That’s a good one, dad.

MOE
Ya, dad. A real good one.

Hess lifts his fist, shows Lester.

SAM HESS
Remember?
10.


LESTER NYGAARD
Ha. Ya. That was -- a long time
ago.

Slowly, Hess moves his fist right in front of Lester’s face,
enjoying his fear. Lester stands there, humiliated, not
knowing what to do. Hating his helplessness, his base
cowardice.

Then Hess drops his fist and smiles to show it’s all just a
big joke. Lester starts to relax. Then HESS FAKES A PUNCH.
Lester panics, turns and RUNS FACE FIRST into the PLATE GLASS
WINDOW of the appliance store -- CRACK! He falls to the
ground, lays on his back.

MICKEY
Geez, dad. His face is pretty
messed up.

MOE
Ya, dad. It’s real messed up.

CLOSE UP OF LESTER’S FACE

As he lays there, his nose broken and bleeding, staring up at
the sky. Beat. We PULL OUT and discover we are now in ...
Genres: ["Drama","Dark Comedy","Crime"]

Summary Lester stands outside an appliance shop in Saint Cloud, Minnesota, where he is confronted by Sam Hess and his twin sons. Hess bullies and embarrasses Lester, culminating in a fake punch that causes Lester to run into the plate glass window of the store. The scene ends with Lester lying on the ground, his face broken and bleeding, staring up at the sky.
Strengths
  • Sharp dialogue
  • Intense conflict
  • Effective character development
Weaknesses
  • Use of offensive language

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is highly effective in creating tension and showcasing the power dynamics between the characters. The dialogue is sharp and the conflict is palpable, keeping the audience engaged.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of revisiting a high school bully and exploring the impact it has on the protagonist's life is intriguing and adds depth to the story.

Plot: 9

The plot of the scene revolves around the encounter between Lester and Sam Hess, escalating from a tense reunion to physical violence. It effectively advances the overall plot of the story.

Originality: 7

The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While the situation of a protagonist being bullied is familiar, the specific dialogue and interactions between the characters bring a fresh approach to the scene. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 10

The characters in the scene are well-developed and their interactions reveal their personalities and motivations. Lester is portrayed as a timid and vulnerable individual, while Sam Hess is a menacing bully.

Character Changes: 7

Lester experiences humiliation and physical violence, which may lead to a change in his character and motivate him to take action.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to avoid confrontation and maintain his dignity. This reflects his deeper need for acceptance and his fear of being humiliated.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to leave the situation without getting physically hurt. This reflects the immediate challenge of dealing with a bully and avoiding physical harm.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 10

The conflict in the scene is intense and escalates from verbal confrontation to physical violence. It creates a sense of danger and keeps the audience on edge.

Opposition: 9

The opposition in this scene is strong, as the protagonist is faced with a bully who poses a physical threat. The audience is unsure of how the confrontation will go, adding to the tension and suspense.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in the scene as Lester's physical and emotional well-being are at risk. The encounter with Sam Hess has the potential to impact his life significantly.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by introducing conflict and establishing the power dynamics between characters. It sets the stage for future events and character development.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because it subverts the audience's expectations by faking a punch and causing the protagonist to run into a plate glass window. The unexpected turn of events adds to the tension and keeps the audience on their toes.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

There is a philosophical conflict evident in this scene between the values of respect and humiliation. The protagonist values respect and dignity, while the antagonist values power and dominance. This conflict challenges the protagonist's beliefs and values, as he is forced to confront his fear of humiliation.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a range of emotions, including tension, fear, and empathy for Lester. The physical violence adds to the emotional impact.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is sharp, witty, and reveals the power dynamics between the characters. It effectively conveys tension, humor, and the underlying conflict.

Engagement: 8

This scene is engaging because it creates a sense of tension and discomfort through the interactions between the characters. The dialogue and actions keep the audience invested in the outcome of the scene.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by gradually building tension and suspense. The rhythm of the dialogue and the actions of the characters create a sense of anticipation and keep the scene engaging.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. The scene headings, character names, and dialogue are properly formatted. The action lines are clear and concise, providing a visual representation of the scene.

Structure: 9

The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It begins with an establishing shot and introduces the characters and their goals. The dialogue and actions are structured in a way that builds tension and leads to the climax of the scene.


Critique
  • The scene lacks clear objectives and conflicts. It seems to be a random encounter between Lester and Sam Hess without any clear purpose or resolution.
  • The dialogue feels forced and unnatural. The banter between Sam Hess and his sons comes across as crude and unnecessary, adding little to the scene.
  • The scene lacks subtlety and nuance. The interactions between the characters are heavy-handed and lack depth.
  • The scene lacks visual elements and actions, relying heavily on dialogue to convey the story.
  • The tone of the scene is unclear. It starts off with a somewhat comedic tone but quickly turns violent and unsettling without a clear transition.
  • The scene lacks a clear emotional arc for Lester. He goes from being nervous to relaxed to panicked without a clear motivation or progression.
  • The scene lacks a clear resolution or payoff. It ends abruptly with Lester running into the plate glass window, leaving the reader with no sense of closure or purpose.
Suggestions
  • Clarify the objectives and conflicts in the scene. What does Lester want? What does Sam Hess want? How do their interactions escalate the conflict?
  • Rewrite the dialogue to be more natural and nuanced. Avoid crude and unnecessary banter and focus on creating meaningful interactions between the characters.
  • Add more visual elements and actions to enhance the storytelling. Show the characters' body language, facial expressions, and physical movements to convey their emotions and intentions.
  • Establish a consistent tone for the scene. Decide whether it should be comedic, tense, or unsettling, and make sure the transitions between tones are smooth and purposeful.
  • Develop a clear emotional arc for Lester. Show his progression from nervousness to relaxation to panic in a way that is motivated and believable.
  • Provide a clear resolution or payoff for the scene. Give the reader a sense of closure or purpose by tying the events of the scene to the larger story.
  • Consider restructuring the scene to create a stronger narrative flow and build tension. Introduce clear objectives and conflicts early on and escalate them throughout the scene.
  • Consider adding subtext and layers to the scene. Explore the underlying emotions and motivations of the characters to create depth and complexity.



Scene 5 -  Tense Hospital Encounter
INT. WAITING ROOM. HOSPITAL. SAINT CLOUD, MN - DAY

Lester, now sitting, lifts an ice pack to his nose. He is on
a bench in the emergency room. And just as we realize this,
we see that sitting next to him is LORNE MALVO, a nasty
bruise and cut on his forehead from the car crash.

Lester lowers the ice pack. Beat.

LESTER NYGAARD
What a day.
(to a passing nurse)
Excuse me, miss. Do ya think --
will it be much longer? This thing
hurts like the dickens.

NURSE
We’ll call your name.

LESTER NYGAARD
Ya, but I been here an hour
already.

NURSE
We’ll call your name.
11.


She walks away. Lester opens a soda, tries to drink, but it
hurts too much. He puts the soda down.

MALVO
Could I have a sip?

Lester turns. Malvo is looking at him.

LESTER NYGAARD
Heck, take the whole can. I can’t
drink the darn thing without a
straw.

He hands Malvo the soda. Malvo tips it back and drains it.
Lester tries not to stare at Malvo’s head injury.

MALVO
Obliged.
(puts down the can)
What happened to your nose?

LESTER NYGAARD
Oh, well. That was just -- a
misunderstanding.

MALVO
Is that you misunderstanding the
other fella, or him
misunderstanding you?

LESTER NYGAARD
Pardon?

MALVO
Who misunderstood whom?

LESTER NYGAARD
No. What I’m saying is -- it’s not
good to dwell on these things.

MALVO
Why?

LESTER NYGAARD
Pardon?

MALVO
Why is not good to dwell on things?
Especially things that put you in
the hospital.

Beat. Lester doesn’t know what to say. Malvo watches him.
12.


LESTER NYGAARD
It was -- I was outnumbered if you
wanna know the truth. Three to
one. Big guys too. Well, one of
them. The other two were just
kids. But big fer their age.
(beat, getting worked up)
Ya know -- if I was any kind of man
-- I’da shown that Sam what’s what.

MALVO
Sam?

LESTER NYGAARD
Hess. He was a bully in high
school and he’s a bully now.

MALVO
So why didn’t you?
(off Lester)
Show him what’s what.

LESTER NYGAARD
Well, his, uh, he had his sons with
him, and --

MALVO
So you let a man beat you in front
of his children. To send them a
message.

LESTER NYGAARD
No. That’s not --
(frustrated)
Heck. Just -- heck.

MALVO
In my experience, you let a man
break your nose, next time he’ll
try to break your spine.

LESTER NYGAARD
Sam? No way. I mean, I don’t think.
It’s just -- I guess I embarrassed
him in front of his boys.

MALVO
You embarrassed him.

LESTER NYGAARD
By -- he was telling me about a
time when he and my wife -- see,
they --
(gesturing)
(MORE)
13.

LESTER NYGAARD (CONT'D)
-- but he didn’t know she was my
wife, is the thing. And when I
told him --

MALVO
A man slept with your wife, and
you’re worried you embarrassed him.

LESTER NYGAARD
Not slept with -- they didn’t -- he
said it was just -- she has soft
hands, see? -- and I --

MALVO
Mister, we’re not friends. Maybe
one day we will be. But I gotta
say, if that was me -- in your
position -- I woulda killed that
man.

LESTER NYGAARD
Well, now. Hold on.

MALVO
You said he bullied you in high
school?

LESTER NYGAARD
(reluctantly)
Four years. Gave me an ulcer.
(humiliated)
One time he put me in an oil barrel
and rolled me in the road.

MALVO
Seriously?
(Lester nods)
And now he tells you he had
relations with your wife. Then
bullies you again in front of his
children. Friend, this is not a
man who deserves to draw breath.

Beat. All the humiliation and pain Lester has suffered
threatens to bubble up.

LESTER NYGAARD
Ya. Okay. But here’s the thing --

MALVO
No. That is the thing.
14.


LESTER NYGAARD
(beat)
Well -- heck -- I mean, okay.
Okay. But what am I supposed ta do?
(beat)
Heck, you’re so sure about it,
maybe you should just kill him for
me.

MALVO
(beat)
Are you asking me to kill this man?

LESTER NYGAARD
No. That was -- I was joking.

The nurse walks up.

NURSE
Mr. Nygaard.

Lester looks at Malvo.

LESTER NYGAARD
Ya, that’s -- just a second.
(to Malvo)
We’re just two fellas talking,
right? Just blowing off steam?

Malvo studies him.

NURSE
Sir, it’s real busy --

LESTER NYGAARD
Ya, like I said -- just a second.

MALVO
Sam. Hess.

LESTER NYGAARD
No. Now wait just a second --
that’s not --

NURSE
Sir!

But Lester is focused on Malvo, like a mouse hypnotised by a
snake.

MALVO
One word. Yes. Or no.
15.


Lester looks at him, feeling a strange tickle down his spine.
All he has to do is say no, but he doesn’t.

NURSE
Sir, I’m gonna give your spot to --

LESTER NYGAARD
(stands)
Ya, I’m -- I’m coming for Pete
sake.

He shares one last moment of eye contact with Malvo, then
grabs his coat and hat, follows the nurse to an exam room.
Malvo watches him go.

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary Lester Nygaard and Lorne Malvo sit in a hospital waiting room, both nursing injuries. Lester asks a nurse about his wait time, but is dismissed. He offers Malvo his soda, leading to a conversation about Lester's recent altercation with Sam Hess. Malvo suggests that Lester should kill Sam, unsettling him. The nurse interrupts, and Lester leaves with her to an exam room, while Malvo watches him go.
Strengths
  • Intense dialogue
  • Tension-building
  • Character development
Weaknesses
  • Some repetitive dialogue

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is highly engaging and gripping, with strong dialogue and intense emotions. It effectively sets up the conflict and raises the stakes for the characters.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a chance encounter between two characters with contrasting personalities and motivations is intriguing. The scene explores themes of revenge, morality, and the consequences of one's actions.

Plot: 8

The plot progresses as Lester's encounter with Malvo leads him to contemplate seeking revenge against Sam Hess. The scene sets up a potential turning point for Lester's character arc.

Originality: 6

The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While the situation of a protagonist seeking revenge is a familiar one, the specific dynamics between the characters and the nuanced exploration of the protagonist's internal conflict add freshness and authenticity to the scene. The characters' actions and dialogue feel believable and true to their motivations.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters of Lester and Malvo are well-developed and their interactions are compelling. Lester's internal conflict and Malvo's manipulative nature add depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 8

Lester experiences a shift in his mindset as he contemplates seeking revenge against Sam Hess. This sets up a potential transformation in his character.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to find validation and support for his feelings of humiliation and desire for revenge. It reflects his deeper need for respect and his fear of being seen as weak or powerless.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to get medical attention for his injuries. It reflects the immediate circumstances and challenges he is facing after being involved in a car crash.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between Lester and Malvo is intense and escalates throughout the scene. The power dynamics and moral dilemma create a high level of conflict.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in this scene is strong, as the protagonist is faced with conflicting viewpoints and choices presented by Malvo. The audience is unsure of how the protagonist will respond and what consequences his decision may have.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high as Lester contemplates seeking revenge against Sam Hess, potentially risking his own safety and moral integrity.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by introducing a new conflict and raising the stakes for Lester. It sets up potential future events and character development.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because it is unclear how the protagonist will respond to Malvo's suggestion of taking action and seeking revenge. The audience is left wondering what choice he will make.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

There is a philosophical conflict evident in this scene between the protagonist's belief in avoiding confrontation and dwelling on past events, and Malvo's belief in taking action and seeking revenge. This challenges the protagonist's values and worldview.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions, including frustration, intimidation, and horror. The audience is invested in Lester's internal struggle and the potential consequences of his decisions.

Dialogue: 10

The dialogue is sharp, impactful, and reveals the contrasting personalities of Lester and Malvo. It effectively conveys tension and builds suspense.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it presents a conflict between the protagonist's desire for revenge and his internal struggle to maintain his sense of morality. The dialogue exchanges between the characters create tension and suspense, keeping the audience invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by gradually building tension and suspense through the dialogue exchanges. The rhythm of the scene is well-paced, allowing for moments of reflection and contemplation.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It uses standard scene headings, action lines, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It begins with a description of the setting, introduces the characters, and progresses through a series of dialogue exchanges that reveal the internal and external goals of the protagonist.


Critique
  • The scene starts off with Lester sitting in the emergency room, but it is not immediately clear why he is there or what has happened to him. It would be helpful to provide some context or explanation earlier in the scene.
  • The dialogue between Lester and the nurse feels repetitive and doesn't add much to the scene. It could be condensed or reworked to make it more engaging.
  • The conversation between Lester and Malvo feels forced and unnatural. The dialogue lacks subtlety and nuance, making it difficult for the audience to connect with the characters.
  • The transition between Lester's conversation with Malvo and his interaction with the nurse feels abrupt and disjointed. It would benefit from a smoother transition or a clearer connection between the two moments.
  • The scene ends with a cliffhanger, but it is not clear what the significance of Lester's interaction with Malvo is or how it will impact the story moving forward. This lack of clarity leaves the audience feeling unsatisfied.
Suggestions
  • Provide some context or explanation at the beginning of the scene to clarify why Lester is in the emergency room and what has happened to him.
  • Condense or rework the dialogue between Lester and the nurse to make it more engaging and informative.
  • Rewrite the conversation between Lester and Malvo to make it feel more natural and nuanced. Focus on developing their characters and their dynamic.
  • Improve the transition between Lester's conversation with Malvo and his interaction with the nurse to create a smoother flow.
  • Provide more clarity and significance to Lester's interaction with Malvo to create a stronger sense of anticipation and intrigue.



Scene 6 -  Investigating the Accident
EXT. TWO LANE HIGHWAY. SAINT CLOUD, MN - DAY

The site of Malvo’s accident. The car is still there, its
trunk now closed. TWO POLICE CARS are parked nearby, lights
flashing. DEPUTY MOLLY SOLVERSON, 29 stands behind the
wreck, kicking her feet to stay warm.

A THIRD CAR pulls up. Police Chief VERN THURMAN (40s) gets
out. Molly comes over to greet him.

MOLLY
Cold enough for ya, chief?

VERN
Supposed to get down to negative
ten later.

MOLLY
Heard that. Don’t much like the
sound of negative.

VERN
Thought I might strip down to my
shorts. Work on my tan.
(nods)
So what’s this here then?

Molly shows him the scene.

MOLLY
Chief, I arrived on the scene at
thirteen hundred hours, found this
late model Ford. Looks like she
rolled a few times. I found a set
of footprints leading away from the
car.
(MORE)
16.

MOLLY (CONT'D)
Possible our driver, injured, got
confused, wandered into the woods.
I was about to investigate.

Vern circles the car, crouches at the front grill.

VERN
Blood here. Hair too.

MOLLY
Saw that. I was thinkin’ maybe a
deer, but couldn’t find the
evidence.

Vern walks out into the road, looking for something. Fresh
snow covers everything. Vern does some mental calculations,
picks a spot and kicks the snow away.

VERN
Here it is.

Molly looks down, sees the underlayer of snow is pink with
blood.

MOLLY
Son of a gun.

Vern walks back to the car. The driver’s door is open.

VERN
(leans in)
Windshield’s cracked. Blood there
too. Driver musta hit his head

MOLLY
Or her head.

Vern hears something, straightens. It comes again louder.
THUMPING. From the trunk.

VERN
You check the trunk?

MOLLY
No, sir.

The thumping continues. Vern and Molly approach the trunk.

ANGLE ON THE TRUNK

Something is inside, banging.
17.


VERN

Thinks about opening it, the pros and cons.

MOLLY (CONT’D)
Should I unholster my sidearm?

VERN
Not unless you think there’s a
ninja inside.

He reaches down and pops the trunk. It swings open,
revealing:

THE DEER

Still alive, flailing weakly.

VERN AND MOLLY

Look at the deer.

MOLLY
Huh.

Vern takes out his gun, puts the deer out of its misery. They
stand for a moment in silence, breath misty.

MOLLY (CONT’D)
(beat)
So -- wanna take a look at those
footprints then?

VERN
Sounds good.

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Crime","Drama","Thriller"]

Summary Deputy Molly Solverson and Police Chief Vern Thurman investigate the scene of Malvo's accident on a cold day in Saint Cloud, MN. They find a rolled car with footprints leading away from it, blood and hair on the car, and a trail of blood in the snow. They hear thumping from the trunk and discover a live deer inside. Vern puts the deer out of its misery. Molly suggests they investigate the footprints further.
Strengths
  • Creating suspense and intrigue
  • Introducing a mysterious accident
  • Establishing the investigative abilities of Molly and Vern
Weaknesses
  • Limited emotional impact
  • Minimal character development

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively creates suspense and intrigue through the mysterious accident and the discovery of the live deer in the trunk. The dialogue between Molly and Vern adds depth to their characters and hints at a larger story.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a car accident with unusual elements and the subsequent investigation by Molly and Vern is intriguing and engaging.

Plot: 7

The plot progresses as Molly and Vern investigate the accident and discover the live deer in the trunk. It adds an unexpected twist to the story.

Originality: 6

The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While the situation of a car accident and the investigation is a familiar one, the inclusion of the live deer in the trunk adds a unique and unexpected element. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue contributes to the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 7

Molly and Vern are introduced as competent and curious investigators. Their interaction reveals their personalities and establishes their roles in the story.

Character Changes: 5

There is minimal character change in this scene as it primarily focuses on the investigation of the accident.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to investigate the car accident and find any clues or evidence that may lead to the driver's whereabouts. This reflects their desire to solve mysteries and uphold justice.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to find the driver of the car accident and ensure their safety. This reflects the immediate challenge of locating a potentially injured or confused person in the nearby woods.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

There is a moderate level of conflict as Molly and Vern investigate the accident and encounter the unexpected presence of the live deer.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in this scene is moderately strong. The potential danger of the situation and the unknown whereabouts of the driver create a sense of opposition and challenge for the protagonist.

High Stakes: 7

The discovery of the live deer in the trunk raises the stakes and adds a sense of danger and intrigue to the scene.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing a mysterious accident and setting up the investigation by Molly and Vern.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because the discovery of the live deer in the trunk is unexpected and adds a twist to the investigation. The audience does not know how the investigation will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 0

There is no evident philosophical conflict in this scene.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 5

The scene does not have a strong emotional impact, but it creates intrigue and curiosity in the audience.

Dialogue: 6

The dialogue between Molly and Vern is realistic and serves to advance the plot and reveal information about the accident.

Engagement: 8

This scene is engaging because it presents a mysterious situation and raises questions about the driver's whereabouts. The dialogue between the characters is also engaging and reveals their personalities.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by gradually building tension and suspense as the characters discover clues and approach the trunk. The rhythm of the dialogue and the description of actions also contribute to the scene's pacing.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It includes scene headings, character names, dialogue, and action descriptions in a clear and organized manner.

Structure: 9

The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It introduces the location, characters, and conflict, and progresses in a logical and coherent manner.


Critique
  • The transition from the previous scene to this scene is abrupt and lacks a clear connection. It would be helpful to have a smoother transition or a brief establishing shot to set the location and time.
  • The dialogue between Molly and Vern feels a bit forced and lacks depth. It would be beneficial to develop their characters more and add some subtext to their conversation.
  • The discovery of the deer in the trunk feels random and disconnected from the previous events. It would be more effective to tie it back to the main storyline or provide a clearer explanation for its presence.
  • The scene lacks visual descriptions and actions, making it feel static and unengaging. Adding more visual elements and character movements would enhance the overall impact of the scene.
  • The emotional tone of the scene is unclear. It would be helpful to establish a specific mood or atmosphere to create a stronger impact on the audience.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a transitional shot or a brief description to connect this scene to the previous one and provide a smoother flow.
  • Develop the dialogue between Molly and Vern to reveal more about their characters and create a sense of tension or intrigue.
  • Reconsider the inclusion of the deer in the trunk or find a way to connect it more closely to the main storyline.
  • Add more visual descriptions and character movements to make the scene more dynamic and engaging.
  • Establish a specific emotional tone for the scene to create a stronger impact on the audience.



Scene 7 -  A Chilling Discovery
EXT. WOODS. SAINT CLOUD, MINNESOTA - DUSK

Vern and Molly, flashlights on, trudge through the deep snow.

MOLLY
(beat, walking)
How’s Ida?

VERN
Any day now.

MOLLY
You got a name picked out?
18.


VERN
I can’t even get that woman to
decide what color to paint the
nursery.

MOLLY
(beat, walking)
Can’t believe I missed that deer in
the trunk.

VERN
Don’t be. I been doin this a long
time. Never checked for a deer in
the trunk. (Beat) Or any wildlife.

Molly sees something.

MOLLY
Chief.

He looks where her flashlight is pointed. There, sitting in
the snow, is A MAN IN HIS UNDERWEAR, frozen to death.

VERN
(beat)
Okay.

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Drama","Crime"]

Summary Vern and Molly are walking through the snowy woods in Saint Cloud, Minnesota at dusk. They discuss Ida's upcoming childbirth and the difficulty of choosing a name. Molly mentions a missed deer in a car trunk, and Vern reassures her. Suddenly, Molly spots a frozen dead man in his underwear in the snow, leaving them in suspense. The scene ends with Vern acknowledging the presence of the frozen dead man.
Strengths
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Tension and suspense
  • Compelling characters
Weaknesses
  • Limited character development
  • Lack of resolution

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is well-written and effectively conveys a sense of tension and unease. The dialogue is engaging and the characters are intriguing. The conflict and emotional impact are high, making it a compelling scene.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the scene, which involves the discovery of a frozen man in the woods, is intriguing and adds to the overall mystery and suspense of the story.

Plot: 9

The plot of the scene is well-developed and moves the story forward. It introduces new conflicts and raises questions about the characters' motivations and actions.

Originality: 7

The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While the situation of discovering a dead body in the woods is not entirely unique, the characters' casual and humorous response adds a fresh approach. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue contributes to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters in the scene are well-defined and their interactions are compelling. Their dialogue reveals their personalities and motivations, adding depth to the story.

Character Changes: 7

The scene doesn't involve significant character changes, but it deepens our understanding of the characters and their motivations.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is not explicitly stated, but it can be inferred that Vern's internal goal is to maintain composure and not show fear or shock upon discovering the frozen dead body. This reflects his deeper need to appear strong and in control, despite the unsettling situation.

External Goal: 9

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to investigate the frozen dead body and determine the cause of death. This reflects the immediate circumstances and challenges they're facing, as they need to solve the mystery and potentially uncover a crime.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is high, with the discovery of the frozen man and the tension between the characters. It creates a sense of suspense and keeps the audience engaged.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in this scene is moderate. While the discovery of the frozen dead body presents a significant obstacle, the characters' casual response and lack of immediate danger reduce the sense of opposition. However, the audience is left wondering about the cause of death and potential conflicts that may arise.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in the scene, with the discovery of the frozen man and the tension between the characters. It creates a sense of danger and raises the stakes for the protagonist.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by introducing new conflicts and raising questions about the characters' actions. It adds to the overall mystery and suspense of the narrative.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because the audience doesn't know how the characters will react to the discovery of the frozen dead body. The casual and humorous response is unexpected and adds an element of surprise.

Philosophical Conflict: 0

There is no evident philosophical conflict in this scene.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a range of emotions, including tension, unease, and curiosity. The characters' reactions and the high stakes contribute to the emotional impact.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue in the scene is engaging and reveals important information about the characters and their relationships. It effectively conveys the tension and conflict between them.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it presents a mysterious and unexpected situation that captures the audience's attention. The dialogue between the characters is intriguing and the discovery of the frozen dead body creates suspense and curiosity.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by gradually building suspense and tension. The dialogue and actions are paced in a way that keeps the audience engaged and curious about what will happen next.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It uses proper scene headings, character names, dialogue format, and action descriptions.

Structure: 9

The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It begins with an establishing shot, followed by character dialogue and actions, and ends with a cut to the next scene.


Critique
  • The scene lacks a clear purpose or conflict. It seems to be a transitional scene with no significant impact on the overall story.
  • The dialogue feels forced and lacks depth. The conversation between Vern and Molly about Ida and the nursery feels out of place and doesn't contribute to the scene or character development.
  • The discovery of the frozen man in his underwear feels random and disconnected from the rest of the story. It doesn't create any tension or advance the plot.
  • The scene lacks visual elements or actions that could enhance the storytelling and engage the audience.
  • The transition from the previous scene is abrupt and doesn't flow smoothly into this one.
Suggestions
  • Clarify the purpose of the scene and ensure it contributes to the overall story arc or character development.
  • Revise the dialogue to make it more meaningful and relevant to the scene or characters.
  • Consider introducing a conflict or tension in the scene to create more engagement.
  • Add visual elements or actions that enhance the storytelling and create a more immersive experience for the audience.
  • Improve the transition from the previous scene to make it more seamless and cohesive.



Scene 8 -  Preparations for Painting
INT. THURMAN HOUSE. SAINT CLOUD, MINNESOTA - NIGHT

Vern comes home. He hangs his heavy coat on the wall.

VERN
Hiya, hon.

IDA (O.S.)
In the kitchen.

CUT TO:

INT. KITCHEN. THURMAN HOUSE - CONTINUOUS

Vern enters, kisses his wife. IDA (30s) is eight months
pregnant.

VERN
Something smells good.

IDA
(touches her belly)
Your boy wanted a hamburger.
19.


VERN
Sounds like my boy.

Vern goes into the

BEDROOM

Takes off his holster, locks his gun in the safe. Heading
back to the kitchen, Vern stops outside the BABY’S ROOM. All
the furniture -- crib, changing table, etc -- has been pushed
to the center. We see a tarp, paint trays and clean rollers
on the floor.

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Drama","Crime","Mystery"]

Summary Vern comes home and greets his pregnant wife Ida. They discuss the smell of food and their unborn child's craving for a hamburger. Vern locks his gun in the safe and notices the baby's room has been cleared of furniture and prepared for painting.
Strengths
  • Effective establishment of tone and atmosphere
  • Introduction of important characters
  • Hinting at potential conflicts and tensions
Weaknesses
  • Lack of strong emotional impact
  • Dialogue could be more engaging

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively establishes the tone and atmosphere of the story, introduces important characters, and hints at potential conflicts and tensions. However, it lacks a strong emotional impact and the dialogue could be more engaging.


Story Content

Concept: 7

The concept of exploring the personal lives of the characters and setting up potential conflicts is well-executed. However, it could benefit from more originality and unique elements.

Plot: 7

The plot progresses by introducing the personal lives of the characters and hinting at potential conflicts. However, it lacks a clear direction or major plot developments in this particular scene.

Originality: 5

The level of originality in this scene is relatively low. It portrays a familiar situation of a husband coming home to his pregnant wife and engaging in domestic activities. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds some freshness to the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-defined and their personalities are established through their interactions and dialogue. Their relationships and potential conflicts are also hinted at.

Character Changes: 5

There are no significant character changes in this scene, as it mainly focuses on introducing the characters and their relationships.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to express affection and support for their pregnant wife. It reflects their deeper need for connection and their desire to be a loving partner and parent.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to prepare the baby's room for painting. It reflects the immediate circumstances of their impending parenthood and the challenge of creating a welcoming space for their child.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

There are hints of potential conflicts and tensions between the characters, but the level of conflict is relatively low in this scene.

Opposition: 3

The opposition in this scene is minimal, as the focus is on the protagonist's domestic activities and their interactions with their pregnant wife.

High Stakes: 6

The stakes are relatively low in this scene, as it mainly focuses on establishing the characters and their relationships. However, potential conflicts and tensions hint at higher stakes in the future.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by introducing the personal lives of the characters and hinting at potential conflicts. However, it lacks major plot developments.

Unpredictability: 4

This scene is not particularly unpredictable as it portrays a typical domestic situation without any major surprises or twists.

Philosophical Conflict: 0

There is no evident philosophical conflict in this scene.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 5

The scene lacks a strong emotional impact, as it mainly focuses on establishing the characters and their relationships.

Dialogue: 6

The dialogue serves its purpose in establishing the characters and their relationships. However, it could be more engaging and memorable.

Engagement: 7

This scene is engaging because it presents relatable characters in a familiar domestic setting. The dialogue and actions are naturalistic, drawing the audience into the characters' lives.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in creating a sense of domestic tranquility and establishing the characters' relationships. It allows the audience to absorb the details of the scene without feeling rushed.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It uses standard scene headings, action lines, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It establishes the setting, introduces the characters, and sets up the conflict of preparing the baby's room.


Critique
  • The scene lacks clear conflict or tension. It seems to be a transitional scene that doesn't contribute much to the overall story.
  • The dialogue between Vern and Ida is mundane and doesn't reveal any significant information or character development.
  • The visual description of the baby's room being prepared is vague and doesn't provide any context or meaning to the scene.
Suggestions
  • Introduce a conflict or tension in the scene to make it more engaging. This could be a disagreement between Vern and Ida about the baby's room or a concern about the upcoming birth.
  • Revise the dialogue to reveal more about Vern and Ida's relationship or their thoughts and feelings about becoming parents.
  • Provide more specific visual details about the baby's room preparation to give it significance and make it visually interesting.



Scene 9 -  A Cozy Dinner Conversation
INT. KITCHEN. THURMAN HOUSE - NIGHT

Vern and Ida eat dinner.

VERN
(beat)
Molly found a wreck out one
thirteen. Looks like the driver
tried ta head out on foot, but got
lost, froze ta death in the woods.

IDA
Oh my.

VERN
Ya. Funny thing is, the fella was
just wearing underpants.

IDA
That so?

VERN
Ya. No ID. Nothin. Couldn’t find
his clothes anywhere.

IDA
Maybe he ate ‘em.

Vern nods like that’s a real possibility, then smiles. They
eat for a bit.

IDA (CONT’D)
I was thinking maybe blue. For the
nursery.

VERN
Ya?
20.


IDA
Earlier. I was thinking maybe
blue, but then I changed my mind.

VERN
Blue’s nice.

IDA
Maybe green.

Vern nods. We can tell they’ve been having this conversation
for months.

VERN
Green’s possible.
(beat)
Well, I’m ready to get painting.
Soon as you decide.

IDA
You’re a good man, Vern Thurman.
My sister was crazy telling me not
to marry you.

VERN
(beat, chews)
Your sister is crazy.

They eat for a while in comfortable silence.

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Crime","Drama"]

Summary Vern and Ida enjoy dinner together in the kitchen of their home. They discuss a wreck that Molly found, where the driver froze to death in the woods. They talk about the driver's peculiar choice of wearing only underpants and not being able to find his clothes. The couple also discusses the color for the nursery, with Vern expressing his eagerness to start painting. Throughout the conversation, they share a loving and comfortable relationship, exchanging affectionate remarks. The scene ends with Vern and Ida continuing to eat in a peaceful silence.
Strengths
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Unique and intriguing elements
  • Effective tone
Weaknesses
  • Lack of high stakes
  • Limited conflict

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively combines dark humor with a sense of melancholy, creating an intriguing tone. The dialogue is engaging and reveals the characters' personalities. The unique elements add interest and contribute to the overall atmosphere.


Story Content

Concept: 7

The concept of investigating a mysterious accident and discovering a frozen dead man in his underwear is intriguing and sets up a sense of mystery. The conversation about choosing a name for the baby adds depth to the characters and their personal lives.

Plot: 7

The plot progresses as Deputy Molly Solverson and Police Chief Vern Thurman investigate the accident and find the frozen dead man. The conversation about the baby's room adds a subplot and character development.

Originality: 3

The level of originality in this scene is low. The situations and conversations depicted are common and familiar in everyday life. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue is realistic but not particularly unique.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-developed and their personalities shine through the dialogue. Molly is curious and determined, while Vern is supportive and caring. Their conversation about the baby reveals their personal lives and adds depth to their characters.

Character Changes: 6

There is a slight character change as Vern expresses his support and love for Ida, showcasing his caring nature. Molly's character remains consistent as she investigates the accident.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to have a peaceful and enjoyable dinner with their spouse. It reflects their deeper need for companionship and emotional connection.

External Goal: 5

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to decide on a color for the nursery. It reflects the immediate circumstance of preparing for the arrival of a baby.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

There is a moderate level of conflict in the scene, primarily in the investigation of the accident and the discovery of the frozen dead man. The conversation about the baby's room adds a lighter tone and contrasts with the darker elements.

Opposition: 3

The opposition in this scene is minimal. There are no significant obstacles or conflicts that the protagonist needs to overcome. The conversation between the characters is mostly harmonious.

High Stakes: 5

The stakes are relatively low in this scene, as it focuses more on character development and setting up future plot points. The discovery of the frozen dead man adds intrigue but doesn't immediately raise the stakes.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by introducing a new mystery with the frozen dead man and deepening the characters' personal lives through the conversation about the baby's room.

Unpredictability: 2

This scene is predictable because it focuses on mundane and everyday conversations. There are no unexpected twists or surprises.

Philosophical Conflict: 0

There is no evident philosophical conflict in this scene.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes a mix of emotions, including curiosity, humor, and a sense of melancholy. The discovery of the frozen dead man and the conversation about the baby's room add emotional depth to the scene.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is engaging and reveals the characters' personalities. It combines dark humor with genuine emotion, creating a unique tone. The conversation about the baby's room adds depth and showcases the characters' relationships.

Engagement: 6

This scene is engaging because it portrays a relatable and familiar interaction between a married couple. The dialogue and dynamics between the characters hold the audience's attention.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in creating a natural and realistic flow. The dialogue and actions are well-timed, allowing for pauses and moments of reflection.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It uses proper scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting. The scene is well-presented and easy to read.

Structure: 7

The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It begins with a location and time description, followed by character dialogue and minimal scene direction. The scene flows smoothly and is easy to follow.


Critique
  • The dialogue in this scene feels a bit disconnected from the previous scenes. It jumps from a discussion about a wreck and a frozen dead man to a conversation about nursery colors. The transition between these topics is abrupt and doesn't flow smoothly.
  • The dialogue between Vern and Ida lacks depth and emotional resonance. It feels like surface-level small talk rather than a meaningful conversation between a married couple. There is an opportunity to explore their relationship and build more depth in their interactions.
  • The scene lacks visual description and action. It primarily consists of dialogue and eating. Adding more visual elements and actions can help to create a more dynamic and engaging scene.
  • The scene ends abruptly without a clear resolution or transition to the next scene. It feels like it cuts off too soon and leaves the reader wanting more.
Suggestions
  • Consider revising the dialogue to create a smoother transition from the previous scenes. Find a way to connect the topics of the wreck and the frozen dead man to the conversation about nursery colors in a more organic way.
  • Develop the dialogue between Vern and Ida to reveal more about their relationship and add depth to their interactions. Explore their emotions, fears, and hopes regarding the upcoming baby and the nursery.
  • Add more visual description and action to the scene. Show the characters interacting with their environment, such as setting the table, pouring drinks, or gesturing while they talk. This will make the scene more visually engaging.
  • Provide a clearer resolution or transition at the end of the scene. Consider adding a final line or action that leads into the next scene or provides a sense of closure for this scene.



Scene 10 -  Suspicion and Tension at Hess Trucking Company
INT. HESS TRUCKING COMPANY. SAINT CLOUD, MINNESOTA - DAY

A large garage housing a raised DISPATCH OFFICE. Through the
office window we see Sam talking to BRUCE GOLD (40s). Gold is
Sam’s lawyer. TWO BIG GUYS sit with them.

In the main garage there is a big rig parked along the far
wall. The logo on the trailer reads NARCOL. Sam Hess’s
truck is parked next to it.

Boxes of INFLATABLE WOMEN are stacked against the wall.
Mickey and Moe have one of them open. Mickey is using a high
pressure air hose to fill up one of the women. She gets
fatter and fatter, then explodes. They crack up.

MOE
Dad said we should take turns.

MICKEY
Dad told me he thinks you’re
retarded.
21.


Moe attacks him. They wrestle. Mickey gets Moe in a
headlock. Lorne Malvo enters the garage, watches them.

MALVO
You’re doing it wrong. You wanna
press your forearm against the back
of his neck, then grab your elbow
with the other hand. Choke him
right out.

The two boys separate, unsettled.

MICKEY
Whatcha want, mister?

MOE
Ya, mister. Whatcha want?

MALVO
Sign outside says Hess and Sons.

Malvo studies them, Tweedle Dum and Dumber.

MALVO (CONT’D)
Which is the older boy?

MICKEY
Me. Mickey. So that means I’m in
charge when dad’s gone.

MOE
Are not. Mom said --

MICKEY
Mom’s got nothing ta do with it,
faggot.

Upstairs, Sam sees his boys talking to Malvo, comes out of
the office.

SAM HESS
Help you with something?

Malvo sizes him up, ignoring the hired muscle.

MALVO
You Hess?

Hess and the two big guys come down the stairs. It’s clear
they don’t like strangers coming around, asking questions.

SAM HESS
Who wants ta know?
22.


Malvo checks to see if there’s another guy behind him asking
questions.

MALVO
Me.

He nods to the big rig.

MALVO (CONT’D)
See you do work for Narcol. You
know Romo?

SAM HESS
You know Romo?

MALVO
(beat)
Never heard of him.

Hess looks at his guys to see if they’re hearing this.

SAM HESS
Is he serious?

Hess closes on him.

SAM HESS (CONT’D)
Only two reasons to come to my
shop, friend. Either you need a
truck. Or you drive a truck. You a
truck driver?

Malvo is unintimidated.

MALVO
I was just talking to your boys. I
think the younger one’s a little
dim.

SAM HESS
What did you say?

MALVO
His IQ seems low, I’m saying. Have
you had him tested?

The two heavies close around Malvo.

MICKEY
Hit him, dad.

MOE
Ya, dad. Hit him.
23.


Bruce Gold clears his throat. Hess looks at him. Gold
shakes his head.

SAM HESS
I’m gonna restrain myself -- on
accounta you got an obvious head
injury -- and not beat you with you
to death with a tire iron. But I’m
gonna` ask you again. What the heck
do ya want?

MALVO
Just wanted to get a look at you.

Malvo gives Sam a slow once over.

MALVO (CONT’D)
Okay. That’ll do it.

Malvo walks out. Off Hess: what the fuck was that about?

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Crime","Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In this scene at the Hess Trucking Company, Sam Hess and his lawyer, Bruce Gold, are confronted by Lorne Malvo. As Mickey and Moe play with inflatable women in the garage, Malvo offers them wrestling advice. However, when Malvo starts questioning Sam about his connection to Narcol, tensions rise. Bruce Gold tries to mediate, but Sam threatens Malvo. The scene ends with Malvo leaving, leaving Sam and his men confused about his intentions.
Strengths
  • Sharp dialogue
  • Intense tone
  • Establishing tension and conflict
Weaknesses
  • Limited emotional impact

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively builds suspense and establishes conflict between the characters. The dialogue is sharp and the tone is intense, keeping the audience engaged.


Story Content

Concept: 7

The concept of a mysterious stranger entering a trucking company and challenging the authority of the owner is intriguing and sets up potential conflicts and power dynamics.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene revolves around the confrontation between Lorne Malvo and Sam Hess, which adds tension and advances the overall story.

Originality: 7

The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While the setting and characters are familiar, the use of inflatable women and the dark humor in the dialogue add a fresh and unexpected element. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue contributes to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-defined and their interactions create a sense of conflict and intrigue. Lorne Malvo's mysterious and intimidating presence adds depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 7

While there is no significant character change in this scene, it sets up potential changes and power dynamics between the characters.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to assert his authority and prove himself as the older and more capable brother. This reflects his deeper need for validation and recognition from his father, as well as his fear of being overshadowed by his younger brother.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to confront the stranger, Malvo, and protect his family's business. This reflects the immediate challenge of dealing with a potential threat to their reputation and safety.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between Lorne Malvo and Sam Hess is intense and creates a sense of danger and unpredictability.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in this scene is strong, as the protagonist is faced with a potential threat in the form of the stranger, Malvo. The audience is unsure of how the protagonist will handle the situation, which creates suspense and adds to the conflict.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high as Lorne Malvo challenges Sam Hess's authority and potentially disrupts the trucking business.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing Lorne Malvo and establishing conflicts and tensions.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because the introduction of the stranger, Malvo, and his confrontational behavior adds an element of uncertainty to the situation. The audience is unsure of how the protagonist will react and what the consequences of their interaction will be.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

There is a philosophical conflict evident in this scene between the protagonist's belief in his own authority and the stranger's disregard for it. This challenges the protagonist's values and worldview, as he is forced to confront the possibility that he may not be as in control as he thinks.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene generates tension and intrigue, but the emotional impact is not as strong as other elements.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is sharp, intense, and reveals the power dynamics between the characters. It effectively conveys their personalities and motivations.

Engagement: 8

This scene is engaging because it introduces a potential threat to the protagonist and establishes a sense of tension and conflict. The dialogue and actions of the characters create intrigue and make the audience curious about what will happen next.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by gradually building tension through the dialogue and actions of the characters. The rhythm of the scene keeps the audience engaged and interested in the unfolding conflict.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. The scene headings, action lines, and dialogue are properly formatted and easy to follow.

Structure: 9

The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It establishes the setting, introduces the characters, and sets up the conflict in a clear and concise manner.


Critique
  • The scene lacks clear objectives and conflicts. It is unclear why Malvo is approaching Sam Hess and what his intentions are. The dialogue between the characters feels forced and lacks depth. The interaction between Mickey and Moe is unrealistic and does not contribute to the overall story.
  • The scene lacks visual descriptions and fails to create a vivid and engaging setting. The garage and the characters' actions are not well-described, making it difficult for the reader to visualize the scene.
  • The dialogue feels unnatural and lacks authenticity. The characters' lines are clichéd and do not reveal much about their personalities or motivations. The conversation between Sam Hess and Malvo lacks tension and fails to create a sense of suspense.
  • The scene lacks a clear resolution or payoff. It ends abruptly without providing any closure or furthering the plot.
  • The scene does not effectively advance the overall story or develop the characters. It feels disconnected from the previous and following scenes, making it difficult for the audience to understand its relevance.
Suggestions
  • Clarify Malvo's objectives and motivations in approaching Sam Hess. Create a clear conflict between the characters to drive the scene forward.
  • Revise the dialogue to make it more authentic and revealing of the characters' personalities and motivations. Avoid clichés and focus on creating unique voices for each character.
  • Provide more visual descriptions to create a vivid and engaging setting. Describe the garage, the characters' actions, and the atmosphere to enhance the reader's visualization of the scene.
  • Consider adding a resolution or payoff to the scene to provide closure and further the plot. This could be achieved through a twist, revelation, or a significant decision made by one of the characters.
  • Ensure that the scene is connected to the overall story and contributes to the development of the characters. Make sure it has a clear purpose and advances the plot in a meaningful way.



Scene 11 -  Unwelcome Arrival
EXT. LESTER’S BROTHER’S HOUSE. MINNEAPOLIS, MINNESOTA - DAY

An expensive two story home. Lester and Pearl stand on the
threshold with a meatloaf. Lester’s broken nose is taped,
his eyes black.

PEARL
How does a grown man fall over his
own feet?

LESTER NYGAARD
It was ice. I slipped on ice.
(feels his nose)
We should have cancelled.

PEARL
Don’t be a baby.

Unhappy, Lester rings the bell. SCOTTY, 9, opens the door.

LESTER NYGAARD
(animated)
We’re here.

The boy SLAMS the door in their face. Beat. Lester rings
the bell again. KITTY NYGAARD, 32, opens the door. She’s
pretty, well appointed.

LESTER NYGAARD (CONT’D)
(tries again)
We’re here.
24.


KITTY
Come on in. Ron’s working the ham.

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Drama","Crime"]

Summary Lester and Pearl arrive at Lester's brother's house with a meatloaf. Lester's nose is taped and his eyes are black from a fall on ice. Scotty, Lester's nephew, slams the door in their face. Lester rings the bell again and Kitty, Lester's sister-in-law, opens the door. The conflict arises when Scotty slams the door, creating a tense and uncomfortable atmosphere. The scene ends with Kitty inviting Lester and Pearl to come inside.
Strengths
  • Effective dialogue
  • Establishing tone and tension
  • Introducing new characters
Weaknesses
  • Limited exploration of emotions
  • Lack of significant character change

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively establishes the tone of unhappiness and confusion through the dialogue and actions of the characters. It also introduces new characters and sets up potential conflicts.


Story Content

Concept: 7

The concept of Lester visiting his brother's house after his injury is interesting and adds depth to his character. It also sets up potential conflicts and reveals more about his family dynamics.

Plot: 7

The plot of the scene revolves around Lester's visit to his brother's house and the strained interactions with his family. It sets up potential conflicts and hints at underlying tensions.

Originality: 4

The level of originality in this scene is relatively low. The situations and dialogue are familiar and do not offer any fresh approaches. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue is average, without any standout moments.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters in the scene, particularly Lester and Kitty, are well-developed and their personalities shine through their dialogue and actions. Their interactions reveal their relationships and add depth to the story.

Character Changes: 6

Lester's character undergoes a slight change as he tries to put on a brave face despite his injury. However, the change is not significant in this scene.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to be accepted and welcomed by his family. This reflects his deeper need for validation and belonging.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to attend a family gathering at his brother's house. This reflects the immediate circumstances and challenges he is facing, such as his broken nose and the cold weather.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The scene has a high level of conflict, both in the strained interactions between Lester and his family and the potential conflicts set up through dialogue and actions.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in this scene is moderate. The protagonist faces resistance from his family, but it is not a major obstacle that the audience is unsure of how it will go.

High Stakes: 6

The stakes in the scene are relatively low, focusing more on the strained relationships and potential conflicts rather than life-or-death situations.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by introducing new characters, setting up potential conflicts, and revealing more about Lester's family dynamics.

Unpredictability: 6

This scene is somewhat unpredictable because the audience does not know how the protagonist's family will react to his arrival. The door being slammed in their face adds a touch of surprise.

Philosophical Conflict: 0

There is no evident philosophical conflict in this scene.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes a sense of unhappiness and tension, which creates an emotional impact on the audience. However, it could have delved deeper into the characters' emotions.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the unhappiness and tension between the characters. It also reveals their personalities and sets up potential conflicts.

Engagement: 7

This scene is engaging because it introduces conflict and tension through the protagonist's physical injuries and his strained relationship with his family. The dialogue and actions of the characters create a sense of anticipation and curiosity.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in creating a sense of tension and anticipation. The short and concise dialogue exchanges, as well as the quick actions, contribute to a steady rhythm.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It includes scene headings, character names, dialogue, and action lines in the correct format.

Structure: 8

The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It begins with an establishing shot and then moves into a series of character interactions and dialogue.


Critique
  • The scene lacks clear context and connection to the previous scenes. It is unclear why Lester and Pearl are at Lester's brother's house and what their purpose is.
  • The dialogue feels generic and lacks depth. There is no indication of the characters' personalities or their relationship with each other.
  • The action and description are minimal, leaving the scene feeling empty and lacking visual interest.
  • The scene lacks conflict or tension, making it unengaging for the audience.
  • There is no clear resolution or payoff in the scene, leaving the reader wondering about its purpose.
Suggestions
  • Provide more context and establish the purpose of Lester and Pearl's visit to Lester's brother's house. This will help the audience understand the stakes and motivations of the characters.
  • Develop the dialogue to reveal the characters' personalities and deepen their relationships. Add subtext and emotional layers to make the scene more engaging.
  • Enrich the action and description to create a vivid visual experience for the reader. Use sensory details and specific imagery to bring the scene to life.
  • Introduce conflict or tension into the scene to create a sense of drama and keep the audience invested. This could be through a disagreement between characters or an unexpected event.
  • Ensure the scene has a clear resolution or payoff that advances the story or reveals something significant about the characters. This will give the scene purpose and make it more satisfying for the audience.



Scene 12 -  A Light-hearted Kitchen Conversation
INT. KITCHEN. BROTHER’S HOUSE - DAY

RONALD NYGAARD (30s) stands at the kitchen counter. It’s
clear he got all the looks and charm in the family. Lester
holds a can of beer with a straw in it. Ron massages honey
into a ham with his bare hands.

Behind them, Kitty and Pearl set the table. Scotty watches
TV in the other room.

RON
-- took the whole team down to
Duluth Tuesday. Big spread at the
Marriot.

PEAL
Ooh. I’ve always wanted ta stay
there.

RON
Ya. It’s real sweet. King sized
bed. View of the lake. You name it.
Boss took me out for dinner.

KITTY
Just the two of them.

RON
Steak big as a catcher’s mitt.
Said, Ronny, you’re going places in
this world.

KITTY
Gave him a raise and a corner
office.

PEARL
Hear that, Lester? A corner
office. Where two walls meet.

LESTER NYGAARD
Ya. Real good.

PEARL
And him your younger brother.

LESTER NYGAARD
Ya. I said I heard.
25.


KITTY
Vice President Sales, Midwest
Region.

Ron massages the ham.

RON
Bought the surround sound to
celebrate. Pretty sweet, huh?

Lester sips beer through a straw, watches his brother work
the meat.

LESTER NYGAARD
You may have ta marry that ham, you
get any more familiar with it.

RON
Saw it on Rachel Ray. She says
massaging breaks the muscle down.
Makes the meat juicier.

PEARL
Lester never wants to try new
things.

LESTER NYGAARD
Now hold on -- that’s not --

KITTY
Oh, we make Scotty try stuff all
the time. Ron says we hafta open
his horizons.

RON
Broaden his horizons. It’s a big
world, ya now. There’s more to
life than just Minnesota.

Lester sips gingerly from his can of beer.

RON (CONT’D)
Took a real tumble, huh?

LESTER NYGAARD
There’s a spot over by the fire
station. Always icy. Don’t know
what the heck I was thinkin’.

Ron washes his hands.
26.


RON
(to Lester)
Come out ta the garage. Help me
get some more beer.

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Drama","Comedy"]

Summary In this scene, Ronald Nygaard massages honey into a ham while Lester holds a can of beer. Kitty and Pearl set the table, and Scotty watches TV. Ron talks about his recent trip to Duluth and his boss taking him out for dinner. Kitty and Pearl tease Lester about Ron's success, and Ron suggests broadening Scotty's horizons. Lester jokes about Ron getting too familiar with the ham. The scene ends with Ron asking Lester to come to the garage for more beer.
Strengths
  • Humorous dialogue
  • Well-developed characters
  • Engaging family dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Lack of significant plot progression
  • Minimal character change

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively establishes the family dynamics and humor, providing an entertaining and engaging experience for the audience.


Story Content

Concept: 7

The concept of a dysfunctional family gathering for dinner is not entirely unique, but the scene executes it well with humor and engaging dialogue.

Plot: 6

The plot in this scene is minimal, mainly focusing on the interactions and conversations between the characters during the dinner.

Originality: 7

The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While the situation of a family gathering and casual conversation is familiar, the specific dialogue and interactions between the characters feel authentic and unique. The characters' actions and dialogue reflect their individual personalities and relationships.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed and distinct, each contributing to the humor and dynamics of the scene. Their interactions and dialogue showcase their personalities effectively.

Character Changes: 3

There is minimal character change in the scene, with the focus more on establishing and showcasing the existing dynamics between the characters.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to feel validated and respected by his family, particularly his brother. He wants to be seen as successful and accomplished.

External Goal: 6

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to bond with his brother and engage in a shared activity (getting more beer). It reflects the immediate circumstances of the family gathering and the need for social interaction.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 4

There is minimal conflict in the scene, with most of the focus on light-hearted conversations and interactions.

Opposition: 4

The opposition in this scene is relatively weak, as there are no significant obstacles or conflicts that the protagonist needs to overcome. The conversation is mostly light-hearted and friendly.

High Stakes: 2

The stakes in the scene are low, mainly revolving around family dynamics and humorous interactions.

Story Forward: 4

The scene does not significantly move the overall story forward, but it provides insight into the characters and their relationships.

Unpredictability: 5

This scene is somewhat unpredictable because it introduces unexpected elements such as the protagonist massaging a ham and the casual banter between the characters. However, the overall progression of the scene is relatively predictable.

Philosophical Conflict: 0

There is no evident philosophical conflict in this scene.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 5

The scene elicits some emotional connection through humor and relatable family dynamics, but it is not particularly emotionally impactful.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is witty, humorous, and natural, capturing the essence of the characters and their relationships. It adds depth and entertainment value to the scene.

Engagement: 8

This scene is engaging because it presents relatable and humorous interactions between the characters. The dialogue flows naturally and keeps the audience interested in the dynamics of the family gathering.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by maintaining a steady rhythm and allowing the dialogue to flow naturally. It keeps the audience engaged without feeling rushed or slow.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It includes scene headings, character names, dialogue, and action descriptions in a clear and organized manner.

Structure: 9

The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It establishes the setting, introduces the characters, and progresses the conversation in a logical and coherent manner.


Critique
  • The scene lacks clear conflict or tension, making it feel flat and unengaging.
  • The dialogue feels mundane and lacks depth or subtext.
  • There is a lack of visual elements or actions to enhance the scene and make it more visually interesting.
  • The scene does not contribute significantly to the overall plot or character development.
  • The pacing of the scene feels slow and could benefit from tighter editing.
Suggestions
  • Introduce a conflict or tension to make the scene more engaging. This could be a disagreement between the characters, a hidden secret, or an unexpected event.
  • Add subtext to the dialogue to create depth and intrigue. The characters could have underlying motivations or hidden agendas that are hinted at through their words.
  • Include more visual elements or actions to make the scene visually interesting. This could involve characters interacting with their environment or engaging in physical actions that reveal their emotions.
  • Ensure that the scene contributes to the overall plot or character development. It should reveal something new about the characters or advance the story in some way.
  • Consider tightening the pacing of the scene by removing any unnecessary dialogue or actions that do not contribute to the scene's purpose.



Scene 13 -  Confrontation in the Garage
INT. GARAGE. BROTHER’S HOUSE - DAY

A sweet setup with tools hanging on the wall. Ron opens a
mini-fridge, hands Lester a beer.

RON
We took Scotty to a specialist last
month. Think he might have the
autism. Won’t stop drawin’ on the
walls. Also, Kitty found a mason
jar in his closet. I guess he pees
in it at night. What’s that about?
Hey. Wanna see something cool?

He goes over to a locked footlocker, opens the padlock with a
key.

RON (CONT’D)
Take a look at this baby.

Lester comes over.

ANGLE ON THE FOOTLOCKER

Inside is a large automatic weapon, gleaming and deadly.

LESTER NYGAARD
Geez. What is it?

RON
That there is your M-249 SAW light
machine gun. Sometimes referred to
as ‘the piglet.’

LESTER NYGAARD
Are you allowed to -- can you even
have that?

RON
Is it legal? Technically no way.
But I got a buddy works supply over
Camp Ripley. And heck, I’m an
American. I pay my taxes. Take a
look. It’s gas operated, air
cooled. Shoots seven-hundred-twenty-
five rounds per minute.
27.


He takes the machine gun out of the box, hefts it, then hands
it to Lester, who, unprepared for the weight, DROPS IT on the
concrete floor.

LESTER NYGAARD
Aw geez.

Ron bends down. The machine gun is clearly damaged.

LESTER NYGAARD (CONT’D)
You shoulda told me it was so
heavy. Is it okay?

RON
No, Lester. It’s not okay. You
bent the darn --
(sighs)
Why are you such a G.D. screw up?

LESTER NYGAARD
Hey, now --

RON
Ever since you were -- And now
Kitty said she talked to Pearl last
week. And she’s had it. Your wife.
Said yer acting just plain weird.
Mopin’ around. Said she caught you
standing in the bathroom with yer
toothbrush in yer hand just looking
in the mirror. Said foam was
comin’ outta yer mouth like a rabid
dog.

LESTER NYGAARD
That’s -- come on -- that’s not --
how I may -- or may not -- be
feeling. And fer yer information I
was -- I hadn’t had a lotta sleep
the night before. So the
toothpaste -- that was just --

RON
Did you really trip on the ice and
break yer nose?

LESTER NYGAARD
Ya. Yes. I told ya. Outside the
fire station. Ya know they run the
hoses and wash the trucks and the
ground gets all wet. Real slippery.

Ron shakes his head.
28.


RON
Guys at work. They talk about how
they look up to their brothers.
Their older brothers.
(beat)
Sometimes I tell people you’re
dead.

LESTER NYGAARD
You --

RON
I mean, heck, Lester. You’re forty
years old. When are you gonna get
yer act together?

Beat. Lester stares at him, ire rising.

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Crime","Drama"]

Summary In this tense and confrontational scene, Ron shows Lester an illegal automatic weapon, but Lester accidentally drops it, damaging the weapon. Ron becomes angry with Lester and confronts him about his strange behavior and his wife's concerns. The scene ends with Ron expressing his disappointment in Lester and questioning when he will get his act together.
Strengths
  • Strong dialogue
  • Suspenseful tone
  • Revealing character moments
Weaknesses
  • None identified

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene is well-written and engaging, with strong dialogue and a suspenseful tone. It introduces a significant plot development and raises the stakes for the characters.


Story Content

Concept: 7

The concept of Ron having an illegal weapon adds tension and danger to the story. It also hints at a darker side of his character.

Plot: 9

The plot takes a significant turn with the introduction of the weapon. It raises questions about Ron's intentions and creates conflict within the scene.

Originality: 8

This scene demonstrates a level of originality through its portrayal of a tense and emotionally charged conversation between two brothers. The dialogue feels authentic and reveals the complexities of their relationship. The presence of the weapon adds a layer of intrigue and foreshadows potential conflicts to come.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The scene reveals more about Ron's character and his relationship with Lester. It adds depth to their dynamic and raises questions about their motivations.

Character Changes: 7

Ron's character is revealed to have a darker side, which changes the audience's perception of him. Lester's character is also further developed through his interactions with Ron.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to prove himself and gain his brother's respect. He wants to show that he is capable and not a screw-up, as his brother implies. This reflects his deeper need for validation and acceptance from his family.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to impress his brother by showing him a cool weapon. This reflects the immediate circumstances of their conversation and the protagonist's desire to prove himself.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between Ron and Lester escalates with the revelation of the weapon. It creates a sense of danger and uncertainty.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in this scene is strong as the protagonist faces criticism and judgment from his brother. The audience is unsure of how the protagonist will respond and whether he will be able to overcome the challenges presented to him.

High Stakes: 9

The revelation of the illegal weapon raises the stakes for the characters and adds a sense of danger and urgency to the story.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by introducing a significant plot development and raising the stakes for the characters.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because it introduces a weapon and raises questions about the characters' motivations and potential conflicts. The audience is left wondering how the protagonist's actions will impact his relationship with his brother and what consequences may arise from the damaged weapon.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

There is a philosophical conflict evident in this scene between the protagonist's desire for validation and acceptance and his brother's judgment and criticism. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs about himself and his worthiness.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene elicits a sense of unease and tension, as well as curiosity about Ron's intentions and Lester's behavior.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is well-crafted and reveals important information about the characters and their relationships. It also creates tension and conflict within the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it presents a tense and emotionally charged conversation between two brothers. The dialogue reveals their complex relationship and the internal struggles of the protagonist. The presence of the weapon adds intrigue and raises questions about the characters' motivations and potential conflicts.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by gradually building tension through the dialogue and actions of the characters. The scene starts with a casual conversation and escalates to a dramatic moment when the protagonist drops the weapon. This pacing keeps the audience engaged and interested in the outcome of the scene.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. The scene headings, character names, and dialogue are properly formatted, and the scene direction is concise and effective in conveying the actions and emotions of the characters.

Structure: 9

The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It begins with an establishing shot and introduces the characters and setting. The dialogue and actions are clearly presented, and the scene ends with a dramatic moment that leaves the audience wanting to know what happens next.


Critique
  • The scene starts with a description of the garage setting, but it lacks specific details that could help create a more vivid image in the reader's mind.
  • The dialogue between Ron and Lester feels forced and unnatural. The conversation jumps from Scotty's potential autism to a machine gun without a clear transition or logical flow.
  • The revelation of the machine gun feels out of place and doesn't seem to serve a clear purpose in the scene. It comes across as a random and unnecessary addition.
  • The dialogue between Ron and Lester lacks depth and emotional resonance. It feels like a surface-level conversation without any real conflict or tension.
  • The ending of the scene, with Ron criticizing Lester and questioning his ability to get his act together, feels abrupt and doesn't provide a satisfying resolution or closure.
Suggestions
  • Provide more specific details about the garage setting to create a more immersive and visually engaging scene.
  • Reorganize the dialogue to create a more natural and logical flow of conversation. Start with Scotty's potential autism and explore that topic before introducing the machine gun.
  • Consider the purpose of the machine gun in the scene. If it doesn't serve a clear narrative or character development purpose, consider removing it to streamline the scene.
  • Add depth and emotional resonance to the dialogue between Ron and Lester. Explore their relationship dynamics and create more conflict or tension between them.
  • Revise the ending of the scene to provide a more satisfying resolution or closure. Consider how the conversation between Ron and Lester can lead to a meaningful moment or revelation.



Scene 14 -  Tense Confrontation and Phone Call
INT. CAR - NIGHT

Lester drives. Pearl sits next to him, fuming.

PEARL
Yer own brother. You didn’t haveta
hit him. I mean, seriously. What
is the matter with you?

Lester drives, jaw clenched. The world is pressing down.

CUT TO:

INT. OFFICE. ST. LOUIS, MS - NIGHT

A MAN sits alone in an office. This is MR. RUNDLE. Outside
his window is the skyline of a mid-western city. His
furniture is bland. No decorations on the wall. The man is
similarly forgettable. His phone rings.

MR. RUNDLE
(answering)
Claims and Adjustments.

INTERCUT WITH:
Genres: ["Drama","Crime"]

Summary Lester drives while Pearl sits next to him, fuming. Pearl confronts Lester about hitting his own brother, expressing her disapproval. The scene then cuts to an office in St. Louis where Mr. Rundle sits alone. His phone rings, and he answers the call, identifying himself as working in Claims and Adjustments.
Strengths
  • Tense atmosphere
  • Realistic dialogue
  • Strong character dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Limited exploration of themes

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively portrays the tension and conflict within the family, creating a sense of unease and anticipation for future events.


Story Content

Concept: 7

The concept of family dynamics and the consequences of Lester's actions is well-executed, providing a compelling narrative thread.

Plot: 7

The plot progresses as Lester's strained relationship with his family is further explored, setting the stage for future conflicts.

Originality: 6

The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While the setting and situation are familiar, the writer adds authenticity to the characters' actions and dialogue, making them feel real and relatable.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed and their interactions effectively convey their emotions and motivations.

Character Changes: 7

Lester's strained relationship with his family and the consequences of his actions lead to some character development.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to control his anger and frustration. Lester's clenched jaw and Pearl's accusation suggest that he is struggling to keep his emotions in check.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to answer the phone call and handle claims and adjustments. This reflects the immediate circumstances of his job and the challenges he faces in dealing with customer complaints.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between Lester and his family is palpable, creating a sense of unease and anticipation.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in this scene is moderate. Pearl's accusation and Lester's internal struggle create a small obstacle for the protagonist, and the audience is unsure of how he will respond.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high as Lester's actions have strained his relationship with his family, potentially leading to further consequences.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by deepening the conflict and setting up future events.

Unpredictability: 6

This scene is somewhat unpredictable because the audience doesn't know how Lester will respond to Pearl's accusation or how the phone call will go.

Philosophical Conflict: 0

There is no evident philosophical conflict in this scene.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene elicits strong emotions from the audience, particularly due to the strained family dynamics.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is natural and reveals the tension and conflict between the characters.

Engagement: 8

This scene is engaging because it presents a conflict between the characters and creates tension through their dialogue and actions.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by creating a sense of tension and urgency. The concise dialogue and minimalistic description maintain a steady rhythm.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It uses proper scene headings, action lines, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 9

The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It introduces the setting and characters, establishes the conflict, and sets up the next sequence.


Critique
  • The transition from Lester and Pearl in the car to Mr. Rundle in his office is abrupt and confusing. It is not clear how these two scenes are connected or why they are being shown together.
  • The dialogue between Lester and Pearl lacks depth and specificity. Pearl's anger and frustration are expressed in a generic and cliched way, which makes her character feel one-dimensional.
  • The description of Mr. Rundle and his office is vague and lacks visual details. It is difficult to form a clear mental image of the setting and the character.
  • The phone call with Mr. Rundle is introduced without any context or explanation. It is unclear why this phone call is important or how it relates to the previous scene.
  • The scene ends abruptly without any resolution or development. It leaves the reader confused and unsatisfied.
Suggestions
  • Provide a smoother transition between the car scene and Mr. Rundle's office. Clarify the connection between these two scenes and why they are being shown together.
  • Develop Pearl's character and dialogue to make her more nuanced and unique. Show specific examples of how Lester's actions have affected her and why she is angry.
  • Add more visual details to the description of Mr. Rundle and his office to create a clearer mental image for the reader.
  • Provide context and explanation for the phone call with Mr. Rundle. Show why this phone call is important and how it relates to the overall story.
  • Give the scene a clearer resolution or development. Provide a sense of closure or progression that leaves the reader satisfied.



Scene 15 -  Malvo's Detour
INT. CAR (TRAVELING). SAINT CLOUD, MN - SAME TIME

Lorne Malvo drives in a newly stolen car, on his phone. We
see an SUV in front of him.

MALVO
It’s me.
29.


MR. RUNDLE
Mr. Malvo. Your call was expected
yesterday.

MALVO
I got delayed.

MR. RUNDLE
Problems?

MALVO
Car trouble. Fixed now.

MR. RUNDLE
But you finished the assignment?

MALVO
Of course.

MR. RUNDLE
And when can they expect you in
Duluth? The new client is anxious
to begin.

MALVO
Soon. I took a detour.

MR. RUNDLE
And the nature of this detour.

The SUV ahead of Malvo pulls into THE LUCKY PENNY, a strip
club. Malvo follows.

MALVO
Personal. Shouldn’t be more than a
day or two.

MR. RUNDLE
I’ll let Duluth know.

Malvo hangs up. He watches Sam Hess get out of the SUV with
his two guys, walk to the front door.

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Crime","Drama","Thriller"]

Summary Lorne Malvo, driving in a stolen car, talks on the phone with Mr. Rundle about his delayed arrival and car trouble. They confirm the completion of his assignment and mention a new client in Duluth. Malvo follows an SUV into The Lucky Penny strip club and watches Sam Hess and his two guys enter before hanging up the phone.
Strengths
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Tension-building
  • Intriguing characters
Weaknesses
  • Limited emotional impact
  • Minimal character change

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively establishes the tone and genre of the story, introduces a new character with a compelling backstory, and creates tension through the conflict between Malvo and Mr. Rundle. The dialogue is engaging and hints at the larger plot.


Story Content

Concept: 7

The concept of a mysterious hitman involved in criminal activities is intriguing and adds depth to the overall story. The introduction of the conflict between Malvo and Mr. Rundle adds an additional layer of suspense.

Plot: 8

The plot progresses as Malvo informs Mr. Rundle about his delayed arrival in Duluth and his detour. This creates anticipation and raises questions about Malvo's motives and the potential consequences of his actions.

Originality: 4

The level of originality in this scene is relatively low. The situations and dialogue are fairly standard for a crime thriller genre, and there are no fresh approaches or unique elements that distinguish it from similar scenes in other screenplays. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue is believable and consistent with their roles.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters in this scene are well-defined and intriguing. Lorne Malvo is mysterious and dangerous, while Mr. Rundle represents a potential threat. Their interaction adds depth to the story and raises the stakes.

Character Changes: 6

There is minimal character change in this scene, as it primarily focuses on introducing Lorne Malvo and establishing the conflict between him and Mr. Rundle.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to maintain his cover and deceive Mr. Rundle about the true nature of his detour. This reflects his deeper need for autonomy and freedom, as well as his fear of being discovered and facing consequences for his actions.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to follow Sam Hess, who is involved in the assignment, to gather information or potentially carry out a task. This goal reflects the immediate circumstances and challenges the protagonist is facing in his role as a criminal.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between Malvo and Mr. Rundle is intense and sets up a power struggle. The scene also hints at potential conflicts to come, adding to the overall tension of the story.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in this scene is moderate. While there is no direct conflict or obstacle, the protagonist's need to maintain his cover and deceive Mr. Rundle creates a sense of opposition and potential consequences.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in this scene as it involves a mysterious hitman involved in criminal activities. The conflict between Malvo and Mr. Rundle suggests potential danger and consequences for the characters involved.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing a new character, establishing conflict, and hinting at the larger plot. It creates anticipation and raises questions about the direction of the story.

Unpredictability: 6

This scene is somewhat unpredictable because the audience is unsure of the protagonist's true intentions and the potential consequences of his detour. However, the overall outcome and direction of the scene are still relatively predictable.

Philosophical Conflict: 0

There is no evident philosophical conflict in this scene.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene creates a sense of unease and anticipation, but the emotional impact is not as pronounced as in other scenes. However, the potential danger and high stakes contribute to the overall emotional impact.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is sharp and engaging, revealing information about the characters and their motivations. It effectively conveys tension and sets up the conflict between Malvo and Mr. Rundle.

Engagement: 7

This scene is engaging because it introduces a sense of mystery and intrigue through the protagonist's evasive dialogue and the unexpected detour he takes. The audience is left wondering about the true nature of the assignment and the potential consequences of the protagonist's actions.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and maintaining the audience's interest. The concise and direct dialogue exchanges contribute to a brisk pace.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It uses standard scene headings, action lines, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It begins with an establishing shot and then transitions to a series of dialogue exchanges between the protagonist and Mr. Rundle.


Critique
  • The scene lacks clear context and connection to the previous scenes. It is unclear how Lorne Malvo's storyline relates to Lester and Pearl's storyline.
  • The dialogue between Malvo and Mr. Rundle is vague and lacks specificity. The audience is left with many unanswered questions about the nature of Malvo's assignment and detour.
  • The scene lacks visual elements and actions, making it feel static and unengaging.
  • The emotional tone of the scene is unclear. It is not clear whether Malvo is being truthful or deceptive in his conversation with Mr. Rundle.
  • The scene ends abruptly without a clear resolution or transition to the next scene.
Suggestions
  • Provide clearer context and connection to the previous scenes. Establish how Lorne Malvo's storyline intersects with Lester and Pearl's storyline.
  • Revise the dialogue to provide more specific information about Malvo's assignment and detour. Clarify the nature of his work and the reason for the detour.
  • Introduce visual elements and actions to make the scene more dynamic and engaging. Show Malvo's reactions or actions that reveal his true intentions or emotions.
  • Establish a clear emotional tone for the scene. Decide whether Malvo is being honest or deceptive in his conversation with Mr. Rundle and convey that through dialogue and actions.
  • Provide a clearer resolution or transition at the end of the scene to create a smoother flow between scenes.



Scene 16 -  A Sudden Murder and an Urgent Phone Call
INT. BACK ROOM. THE LUCKY PENNY - NIGHT

Sam Hess is giving it to a HOOKER, who couldn’t look more
bored, a cigarette dangling from her lips.

HOOKER
Oh, yeah, big fella. Oh, yeah.
30.


Hess works towards his big finish, huffing and puffing. Then
suddenly, he STOPS. BLOOD pours from his mouth. The hooker
screams as Hess falls on top of her, revealing: LORNE MALVO,
who has just stuck a KNIFE into the back of Hess’s head.
Hess blocks the hooker’s view.

CUT TO:

INT. BEDROOM. THURMAN HOUSE. SAINT CLOUD, MINNESOTA - NIGHT

Vern is sleeping next to his wife. The phone rings.

VERN
Ya?
(beat, listening)
Aw geez. Where?
(beat, listening)
Okay. Pick me up, huh?

He sits up, scratches. Ida is half awake.

IDA
Gotta go?

VERN
Homicide. Molly’s coming ta get me.
Go back to sleep, hon.

She throws her arm over him, sleepily.

IDA
Love ya.

VERN
Love ya too.

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Crime","Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In this scene, Sam Hess engages in a sexual encounter with a bored hooker in the back room of The Lucky Penny. Suddenly, Lorne Malvo appears and brutally stabs Hess in the head, causing him to fall on top of the hooker. Meanwhile, Vern receives a phone call about a homicide and prepares to leave with Molly. The emotional tone is tense and violent, with a sense of anticipation and urgency. The conflict arises from the murder, which is partially resolved when Hess falls on top of the hooker, blocking her view. The scene ends with Vern and Ida expressing their love for each other before Vern departs for the homicide.
Strengths
  • Intense and suspenseful atmosphere
  • Effective introduction of a new antagonist
  • Strong emotional impact
Weaknesses
  • Minimal dialogue

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is highly impactful and intense, with a shocking murder and the introduction of a new character. It effectively builds suspense and raises the stakes.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a sudden murder in a strip club adds a layer of danger and unpredictability to the story. It introduces a new antagonist and raises the stakes for the main characters.

Plot: 8

The plot is advanced by the introduction of Lorne Malvo, a dangerous character who will likely have a significant impact on the story. The murder also adds a new layer of conflict and tension.

Originality: 8

This scene demonstrates a level of originality through its portrayal of violence and moral ambiguity. The actions and dialogue of the characters feel authentic and contribute to the overall atmosphere of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters in this scene are well-defined and their actions and reactions contribute to the tension and conflict. Lorne Malvo is introduced as a mysterious and dangerous antagonist.

Character Changes: 7

While there is not a significant character change in this scene, the introduction of Lorne Malvo as a new antagonist sets the stage for potential character transformations in the future.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is not explicitly stated, but it can be inferred that Lorne Malvo's goal is to eliminate Sam Hess, possibly as part of a larger plan or personal vendetta. This goal reflects Malvo's darker nature and his willingness to use violence to achieve his objectives.

External Goal: 9

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to kill Sam Hess. This goal reflects the immediate circumstances and challenges that Lorne Malvo is facing, such as the need to eliminate a potential threat or obstacle.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in this scene is high, with a sudden and brutal murder taking place. It raises the stakes for the main characters and introduces a new source of danger.

Opposition: 9

The opposition in this scene is strong, as Lorne Malvo faces the challenge of killing Sam Hess without being detected or stopped. The audience is unsure of how the situation will unfold, adding to the tension and suspense.

High Stakes: 10

The stakes are high in this scene due to the sudden murder and the introduction of a dangerous antagonist. The characters' lives and safety are at risk.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by introducing a new antagonist and escalating the tension. It sets the stage for future conflicts and developments.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because it introduces a sudden act of violence that is unexpected and shocking. The audience is left uncertain about the future events and the consequences of the characters' actions.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

There is a philosophical conflict evident in this scene between Lorne Malvo's value system, which prioritizes violence and self-interest, and the societal norms and moral values that are being violated through his actions. This conflict challenges Malvo's beliefs and values, as well as the audience's perception of right and wrong.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a strong emotional impact due to the shocking murder and the fear and panic of the characters involved. It elicits a visceral response from the audience.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue in this scene is minimal but effective. It conveys the shock and fear of the characters involved in the murder.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it immediately grabs the audience's attention with its violent and suspenseful opening. The concise dialogue and evocative description keep the audience invested in the unfolding events.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by creating a sense of tension and suspense. The quick cuts between different locations and the concise dialogue keep the scene moving at a brisk pace.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It uses proper scene headings, action lines, and dialogue formatting to clearly convey the events and dialogue.

Structure: 9

The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It effectively establishes the setting, introduces the characters, and presents a conflict that propels the narrative forward.


Critique
  • The scene starts abruptly without any context or buildup. It jumps from a strip club to a bedroom without any transition or connection between the two locations.
  • The dialogue between the hooker and Sam Hess feels cliché and lacks depth. It doesn't add any meaningful information or characterization to the scene.
  • The sudden introduction of Lorne Malvo and his violent act feels disconnected from the rest of the story. There is no clear motivation or purpose for this scene.
  • The transition between scenes is abrupt and confusing. It's not clear how the events in the strip club relate to the phone call in the previous scene.
  • The scene lacks tension and suspense, which is important for a scene involving a violent act.
Suggestions
  • Provide some context or establish a connection between the strip club scene and the previous phone call scene. This will help the audience understand the significance of the events.
  • Develop the dialogue between the hooker and Sam Hess to add depth and characterization. This will make the scene more engaging and meaningful.
  • Establish a clear motivation or purpose for Lorne Malvo's violent act. This will make the scene feel more integrated into the overall story.
  • Improve the transition between scenes to make it smoother and more logical. This will help the audience follow the narrative flow.
  • Increase the tension and suspense in the scene by building up to the violent act. This can be done through pacing, camera angles, and music.



Scene 17 -  Late Night Coffee Chat
EXT. THURMAN HOUSE. SAINT CLOUD, MINNESOTA - NIGHT

Molly pulls up in her prowler. Vern comes out, climbs in.
Molly hands him a coffee.

VERN
Thanks.

Molly drives.

MOLLY
Ida sleeping?

VERN
Ya.
31.


MOLLY
Bill’s over the Lucky Penny. Says
it’s a real mess.

VERN
Bar fight?

MOLLY
Nope. Ya know those back rooms
they got for hanky panky? Well,
sounds like a customer was givin’
it to one of the girls. Got
himself stabbed in the head.

VERN
The girl stabbed him?

MOLLY
Bill says no. Says it was an
assassination type deal.

VERN
(thinks about that)
Huh.

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Crime","Thriller"]

Summary Molly picks up Vern in her prowler outside the Thurman House in Saint Cloud, Minnesota. They discuss a messy incident at the Lucky Penny where a customer was stabbed in the head. Vern ponders the possibility of it being an assassination. The scene ends with Vern responding with a thoughtful 'Huh' to Molly's information.
Strengths
  • Intense and impactful assassination scene
  • Strong emotional impact
  • High stakes and conflict
Weaknesses
  • Limited dialogue

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is highly impactful and intense, with a shocking assassination that raises the stakes and adds a new layer of conflict to the story.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a sudden assassination in a strip club is unique and adds a thrilling element to the scene.

Plot: 9

The plot takes a dramatic turn with the assassination, creating a new conflict and raising the stakes for the characters.

Originality: 5

The level of originality in this scene is relatively low. The situation of a bar fight and a stabbing is a familiar one in crime dramas. However, the authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds some freshness to the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters' reactions to the assassination and their involvement in the unfolding events add depth and intrigue to the scene.

Character Changes: 7

The assassination leads to a change in the dynamics and motivations of the characters involved.

Internal Goal: 0

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is not explicitly stated or evident from the dialogue. It is unclear what deeper needs, fears, or desires the protagonist may have.

External Goal: 8

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to inform Vern about a recent incident at the Lucky Penny bar. This goal reflects the immediate circumstances and challenges they are facing, as well as their role as a source of information in the community.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 10

The conflict level is high due to the shocking assassination and the potential consequences it may have for the characters involved.

Opposition: 6

The opposition in this scene is moderate. While there is no direct conflict between the characters, the incident at the Lucky Penny bar creates a sense of tension and potential danger.

High Stakes: 10

The stakes are high as the assassination has the potential to impact the lives of the characters involved.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by introducing a new conflict and raising the stakes for the characters.

Unpredictability: 6

This scene is somewhat unpredictable because the audience does not know the full details of the incident at the Lucky Penny bar or how it will impact the story.

Philosophical Conflict: 0

There is no evident philosophical conflict in this scene.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene elicits strong emotions through the sudden and brutal nature of the assassination.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is concise and serves to convey important information about the assassination and its implications.

Engagement: 7

This scene is engaging because it introduces a mysterious incident at the Lucky Penny bar, creating curiosity and intrigue for the audience.

Pacing: 7

The pacing of the scene is effective in maintaining the audience's interest and moving the story forward. The dialogue is concise and the scene progresses smoothly.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It includes scene headings, character names, and dialogue in the correct format.

Structure: 8

The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It begins with an establishing shot and then moves into a conversation between the characters.


Critique
  • The scene lacks clear and concise description, making it difficult to visualize the actions and setting.
  • The dialogue feels flat and lacks depth, with characters simply exchanging information without much emotion or subtext.
  • There is a missed opportunity to explore the emotional impact of the murder at The Lucky Penny, as the characters' reactions are not shown or explored.
  • The transition between scenes is abrupt and could be smoother to improve the flow of the story.
  • The scene could benefit from more visual elements to enhance the storytelling and engage the audience.
Suggestions
  • Provide more specific and vivid descriptions of the actions and setting to help the reader visualize the scene.
  • Add depth and subtext to the dialogue by incorporating the characters' emotions, thoughts, and motivations.
  • Explore the emotional impact of the murder by showing the characters' reactions and allowing them to process the event.
  • Smoothly transition between scenes by using transitional elements such as fade-outs or establishing shots.
  • Include more visual elements to enhance the storytelling, such as gestures, facial expressions, or visual cues that reveal the characters' emotions.



Scene 18 -  Mysterious Death at The Lucky Penny
INT. BACK ROOM. THE LUCKY PENNY - NIGHT

Sam Hess lays face down on the bed, the knife still sticking
out of the back of his head. Vern and Molly stand by the bed
looking down at him.

MOLLY
Whatcha want me to write for cause
of death?

VERN
Put self-explanatory.

Vern crouches, examines Hess’s profile.

VERN (CONT’D)
Well, heck. That’s Sam Hess.

MOLLY
Hess that owns the trucking
company?

VERN
Ya. With the two boys, both dumb
as a dog’s foot.

Molly looks around. A thought hits her.
32.


MOLLY
Hold on. Isn’t Hess tied to that
syndicate of fellas outta Fargo?
Gun runners and such.

VERN
So they say.

MOLLY
Geez. Ya think this was, like, an
organized crime thing? A hit or
the like?

VERN
(straightens)
Don’t know what I think yet.
Except that I was warm in bed a
half hour ago.

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Crime","Thriller"]

Summary In this scene at The Lucky Penny, Sam Hess is found dead with a knife in the back of his head. Vern and Molly discuss the cause of death and speculate about whether it was a hit by the syndicate from Fargo. The emotional tone is tense as the mystery surrounding Sam Hess's death unfolds. The scene ends with Vern expressing his uncertainty and frustration about the situation.
Strengths
  • Intense and shocking assassination scene
  • Effective establishment of potential organized crime connection
  • Engaging dialogue
Weaknesses

    Ratings
    Overall

    Overall: 9

    The scene is highly impactful and engaging, with a shocking and unexpected event that raises the stakes and introduces a new layer of intrigue.


    Story Content

    Concept: 8

    The concept of a hitman infiltrating a strip club and assassinating a target adds tension and excitement to the story.

    Plot: 9

    The plot takes a significant turn with the introduction of the assassination, creating a new mystery and raising the stakes for the characters.

    Originality: 6

    The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While the situation of investigating a murder and potential organized crime involvement is not entirely unique, the specific details and dialogue contribute to the authenticity of the scene. The characters' actions and dialogue feel realistic and grounded.


    Character Development

    Characters: 8

    The characters are well-defined and their reactions to the assassination add depth to their personalities.

    Character Changes: 7

    The characters' perception of the situation and their understanding of the criminal underworld may change as a result of the assassination.

    Internal Goal: 7

    The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is not explicitly stated. However, it can be inferred that Vern's internal goal is to figure out the truth behind Sam Hess's death and to protect himself from any potential danger.

    External Goal: 6

    The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to investigate Sam Hess's death and determine if it was a result of organized crime or a hit. This goal reflects the immediate circumstances and challenges Vern is facing, as he is now involved in a potentially dangerous situation.


    Scene Elements

    Conflict Level: 9

    The conflict is intense, with the sudden assassination creating a sense of danger and uncertainty.

    Opposition: 8

    The opposition in this scene is strong as the characters are faced with the challenge of investigating a murder and potential organized crime involvement. The audience is unsure of how the investigation will unfold and what dangers the characters may encounter.

    High Stakes: 10

    The stakes are high as the characters are confronted with a brutal assassination and the potential involvement of organized crime.

    Story Forward: 9

    The scene significantly advances the story by introducing a new plot point and raising the stakes for the characters.

    Unpredictability: 7

    This scene is unpredictable because it introduces the possibility of organized crime involvement in the murder, which adds a layer of mystery and uncertainty to the story.

    Philosophical Conflict: 0

    There is no evident philosophical conflict in this scene.


    Audience Engagement

    Emotional Impact: 8

    The scene evokes shock and suspense, leaving the audience emotionally engaged.

    Dialogue: 7

    The dialogue is concise and serves the purpose of conveying information and establishing the characters' reactions.

    Engagement: 8

    This scene is engaging because it introduces a murder mystery and potential organized crime involvement. The dialogue between the characters is intriguing and reveals information that keeps the audience interested in the story.

    Pacing: 9

    The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and maintaining the audience's interest. The dialogue and actions flow smoothly, keeping the scene engaging and propelling the story forward.


    Technical Aspect

    Formatting: 9

    The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It uses standard scene headings, action lines, and dialogue formatting.

    Structure: 8

    The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It begins with a description of the setting, introduces the characters, and progresses through their dialogue and actions.


    Critique
    • The scene lacks visual description, making it difficult for the reader to fully visualize the setting and characters' actions.
    • The dialogue feels a bit on-the-nose and lacks subtext, resulting in a lack of depth and nuance in the characters' interactions.
    • The conversation between Vern and Molly feels a bit forced and unnatural, lacking a sense of authenticity.
    • There is a missed opportunity to explore the emotional impact of the murder on the characters, particularly Molly who is known for her empathetic nature.
    • The scene could benefit from more tension and suspense, especially considering the violent nature of the murder that just occurred.
    Suggestions
    • Add more visual description to help the reader visualize the back room of The Lucky Penny and the characters' actions.
    • Work on the dialogue to make it more nuanced and reflective of the characters' personalities and emotions.
    • Consider adding a moment of reflection or emotional reaction from Molly to highlight the impact of the murder on her.
    • Introduce more tension and suspense by building up the mystery surrounding the murder and the possibility of it being an organized crime hit.
    • Explore the relationship between Vern and Molly further to add depth and authenticity to their conversation.



    Scene 19 -  Confrontation at the Farmdale Motel
    INT. FARMDALE MOTEL. SAINT CLOUD, MINNESOTA - NIGHT

    The owner, a heavyset WOMAN, is yelling at a sullen TEEN.
    Malvo enters.

    WOMAN
    How many times I gotta tell ya?
    You can’t just take dirty sheets
    offa one bed and put ‘em on
    another. It’s unsanitory.

    TEEN
    I shake ‘em out first.

    WOMAN
    You don’t have the sense God gave a
    clam, do you? Go shovel the walk.

    The sullen teen exits.

    MALVO
    I need a room.

    WOMAN
    Just you?

    MALVO
    Pardon?

    WOMAN
    Is it just for you? The room.
    33.


    MALVO
    What difference does that make?

    WOMAN
    Different rate for two. And if ya
    got pets -- dog, cat -- that’s an
    extra ten bucks.

    MALVO
    What about a fish?

    WOMAN
    Excuse me?

    MALVO
    Would a fish cost me ten dollars?

    WOMAN
    Well --

    MALVO
    Or say I kept spiders. Or mice.
    What if I had bacteria?

    WOMAN
    Sir, bacteria are not pets.

    MALVO
    Could be.

    WOMAN
    Sir, perhaps you’d be happier in a
    different motel.

    MALVO
    I just want to know the policy.
    I’m a student of institutions.

    WOMAN
    (exasperated)
    Sir, do ya have a pet or not?

    MALVO
    Nope. Just me.

    CUT TO:
    Genres: ["Crime","Thriller"]

    Summary In this tense scene at the Farmdale Motel in Saint Cloud, Minnesota, the owner confronts a sullen teen for putting dirty sheets on a bed. Malvo enters and asks about a room, leading to a minor conflict with the owner regarding the pet policy. The conflict with the teen is resolved when he exits the scene, but the pet policy issue remains unresolved. The scene ends with Malvo clarifying that he doesn't have a pet and just wants to know the policy.
    Strengths
    • Sharp and witty dialogue
    • Effective establishment of tone and atmosphere
    • Engaging character interaction
    Weaknesses

      Ratings
      Overall

      Overall: 8

      The scene is well-written and effectively establishes the tone and atmosphere of the story. The dialogue is sharp and engaging, and the dark humor adds an interesting layer to the scene. The introduction of the motel owner and her interaction with Malvo provides some comic relief while also revealing more about Malvo's character.


      Story Content

      Concept: 7

      The concept of a mysterious hitman checking into a motel and engaging in a deadpan conversation with the owner is intriguing and sets up the suspenseful and dark tone of the story.

      Plot: 7

      The plot in this scene revolves around Malvo checking into a motel and establishing his presence in the town. It sets up the subsequent events and introduces the character of the motel owner.

      Originality: 6

      The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While the situation of a character trying to secure a room at a motel is familiar, the writer adds a fresh approach by incorporating witty and absurd dialogue exchanges. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality.


      Character Development

      Characters: 8

      The characters in this scene, particularly Malvo and the motel owner, are well-developed and their interaction adds depth to the story. Malvo's deadpan and mysterious personality is intriguing, while the motel owner's exasperation and humor provide a contrast.

      Character Changes: 4

      There is minimal character change in this scene. It primarily serves to introduce the characters and establish their personalities.

      Internal Goal: 8

      The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to secure a room at the motel. This goal reflects their immediate need for shelter and accommodation.

      External Goal: 7

      The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to inquire about the motel's policy regarding pets. This goal reflects the immediate circumstance of the protagonist potentially having a pet with them.


      Scene Elements

      Conflict Level: 6

      There is a subtle conflict between Malvo and the motel owner, as well as an underlying tension due to Malvo's mysterious presence. However, the conflict is not the central focus of this scene.

      Opposition: 6

      The opposition in this scene is not particularly strong. The owner presents some resistance to the protagonist's inquiries, but it is not a significant obstacle that creates tension or uncertainty.

      High Stakes: 5

      The stakes in this scene are relatively low. It focuses more on establishing the tone and atmosphere of the story rather than raising the stakes.

      Story Forward: 7

      The scene moves the story forward by introducing the character of Malvo and establishing his presence in the town. It sets up the subsequent events and adds to the overall narrative.

      Unpredictability: 9

      This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists and turns in the dialogue. The protagonist's unconventional questions and the owner's exasperated responses create an element of surprise.

      Philosophical Conflict: 0

      There is no evident philosophical conflict in this scene.


      Audience Engagement

      Emotional Impact: 5

      The emotional impact of this scene is relatively low. It focuses more on establishing the tone and atmosphere of the story rather than evoking strong emotions.

      Dialogue: 9

      The dialogue in this scene is sharp, witty, and filled with dark humor. It effectively conveys the personalities of the characters and adds depth to the scene.

      Engagement: 7

      This scene is engaging because of the witty and unexpected dialogue exchanges between the characters. It keeps the audience entertained and curious about the outcome of the interaction.

      Pacing: 8

      The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by maintaining a steady rhythm in the dialogue exchanges. It allows the humor and absurdity to land effectively.


      Technical Aspect

      Formatting: 9

      The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It uses proper scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting.

      Structure: 8

      The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It begins with a location and time description, introduces the characters, and progresses through their dialogue exchanges.


      Critique
      • The scene starts with an interaction between the owner and the sullen teen, which seems unrelated to the main story and characters. It feels like a filler scene that doesn't contribute much to the overall plot.
      • The dialogue between the owner and Malvo is somewhat repetitive and lacks depth. It mainly revolves around the topic of pets and the cost associated with them, which doesn't add much to the tension or mystery established in the previous scenes.
      • The dialogue between the owner and Malvo feels forced and unnatural. The owner's responses to Malvo's questions seem overly exasperated and don't flow smoothly.
      • The scene lacks a clear conflict or purpose. It doesn't advance the plot or reveal any new information about the characters or their motivations.
      • The scene could benefit from more visual elements or actions to make it more engaging and visually interesting.
      Suggestions
      • Consider removing or rewriting the interaction between the owner and the sullen teen to make it more relevant to the main story.
      • Revise the dialogue between the owner and Malvo to make it more dynamic and meaningful. Focus on building tension and adding depth to the characters.
      • Introduce a clear conflict or purpose for the scene that advances the plot or reveals new information.
      • Add more visual elements or actions to make the scene visually engaging and enhance the overall storytelling.



      Scene 20 -  Retaliation at the Farmdale Motel
      EXT. FARMDALE MOTEL. SAINT CLOUD, MINNESOTA - NIGHT

      Malvo approaches his room. The teen is shoveling snow
      nearby.
      34.


      MALVO
      Why do you let her talk to you like
      that?

      TEEN
      Aw, she’s not that bad.

      MALVO
      Son, she compared you to a clam.

      The teen thinks about it. The woman is kind of a bitch.

      TEEN
      Well, what should I do?

      MALVO
      Guy insulted me once. I pissed in
      his gas tank. Car never drove
      straight again.

      The teen smiles, puts down the shovel. He walks over to the
      woman’s car. Malvo lets himself into his room.
      Genres: ["Crime","Drama","Thriller"]

      Summary Malvo questions the teen's tolerance for a woman's disrespect at the Farmdale Motel in Saint Cloud, Minnesota. After the teen defends the woman, he realizes she compared him to a clam. Inspired by Malvo's story of retaliation, the teen decides to take action by walking over to the woman's car. Meanwhile, Malvo enters his room, leaving the scene with a mix of curiosity, amusement, and empowerment.
      Strengths
      • Effective tone and atmosphere
      • Intriguing introduction of a new character
      • Engaging dialogue
      Weaknesses
      • Limited plot development
      • Minimal character change

      Ratings
      Overall

      Overall: 9

      The scene effectively establishes the tone and introduces a new character, creating intrigue and anticipation for the audience.


      Story Content

      Concept: 8

      The concept of a mysterious and manipulative character entering a motel and engaging in a conversation with a sullen teen is intriguing and sets up potential conflicts.

      Plot: 7

      The plot in this scene is minimal, serving mainly to introduce Malvo and establish his character.

      Originality: 6

      The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While the situation of giving advice to a teen and sharing a personal story is familiar, the specific actions and dialogue of the characters feel authentic and unique.


      Character Development

      Characters: 9

      The characters in this scene are well-defined and intriguing, particularly Malvo with his manipulative nature and the sullen teen with his vulnerability.

      Character Changes: 5

      There is minimal character change in this scene, as it mainly serves to introduce Malvo and establish his manipulative nature.

      Internal Goal: 8

      The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to give advice to the teen and teach him a lesson about standing up for himself. It reflects the protagonist's desire to assert power and control over others.

      External Goal: 7

      The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to share a personal story with the teen to inspire him to take action against the woman who insulted him. It reflects the immediate challenge of the teen being mistreated and the need for him to assert himself.


      Scene Elements

      Conflict Level: 6

      There is a mild conflict between the teen and the motel owner, but the main conflict is implied through the introduction of Malvo and his potential impact on the story.

      Opposition: 7

      The opposition in this scene is strong as the woman's insults and the protagonist's advice present a challenge for the teen to overcome.

      High Stakes: 6

      The stakes are moderately high, as the scene hints at potential conflicts and the impact Malvo may have on the story.

      Story Forward: 7

      The scene moves the story forward by introducing a new character and setting up potential conflicts.

      Unpredictability: 7

      This scene is unpredictable because the audience doesn't know how the teen will respond to the protagonist's advice and whether he will take action against the woman.

      Philosophical Conflict: 6

      There is a philosophical conflict evident in this scene between the protagonist's belief in taking revenge and the teen's more passive approach to dealing with insults. This challenges the protagonist's belief in the effectiveness of revenge and relates to his worldview of asserting power.


      Audience Engagement

      Emotional Impact: 7

      The scene evokes a sense of suspense and anticipation, creating an emotional impact on the audience.

      Dialogue: 8

      The dialogue is sharp and engaging, showcasing the manipulative nature of Malvo and the vulnerability of the teen.

      Engagement: 9

      This scene is engaging because it presents a conflict and a mystery through the dialogue and actions of the characters, making the audience curious about the outcome.

      Pacing: 8

      The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by maintaining a steady rhythm and building tension through the concise and direct dialogue.


      Technical Aspect

      Formatting: 9

      The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre, with proper indentation, spacing, and punctuation.

      Structure: 8

      The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting.


      Critique
      • The scene lacks clear context and purpose. It seems disconnected from the overall story and doesn't contribute much to the plot or character development.
      • The dialogue feels forced and unnatural. The conversation between Malvo and the teen lacks depth and doesn't reveal much about their characters.
      • The conflict between the teen and the woman is not fully explored or resolved. It feels like a missed opportunity to add tension and depth to the scene.
      • The visual elements are minimal and don't add much to the scene. There is a lack of visual storytelling or interesting camera angles.
      • The scene lacks a clear emotional tone. It doesn't evoke any strong emotions or create a sense of tension or suspense.
      • The scene feels disconnected from the previous and following scenes. It doesn't flow smoothly and feels like a random encounter.
      • The dialogue lacks subtext and depth. It feels too on-the-nose and doesn't leave much room for interpretation or nuance.
      Suggestions
      • Consider reevaluating the purpose of this scene and how it contributes to the overall story. It should have a clear reason for being included.
      • Develop the dialogue to reveal more about the characters and their motivations. Add subtext and depth to their conversations.
      • Explore the conflict between the teen and the woman further. Use it as an opportunity to add tension and create a more engaging scene.
      • Enhance the visual elements of the scene. Use camera angles, lighting, and composition to create a more visually interesting and engaging scene.
      • Establish a clear emotional tone for the scene. Decide what emotions you want to evoke in the audience and craft the scene accordingly.
      • Ensure that the scene flows smoothly from the previous and following scenes. Connect it more closely to the overall narrative.
      • Revise the dialogue to include more subtext and depth. Leave room for interpretation and allow the audience to read between the lines.



      Scene 21 -  Gas Tank Incident
      INT. MOTEL ROOM. SAINT CLOUD, MN - CONTINUOUS

      Malvo goes to the phone, dials the front desk. He looks out
      through the curtain. We can see the Teen with his pants
      undone, pissing into the gas tank.

      WOMAN
      Farmdale motel.

      MALVO
      Yeah, I’m looking out my window and
      there’s a young fella urinating
      into the gas tank of a red Miata.

      WOMAN
      Son of a --

      Malvo hangs up, watches as the woman comes out of the office
      with a shotgun. She YELLS at the teen, who panics and
      stumbles away, his pants falling down.

      Malvo closes the curtain.

      CUT TO:
      Genres: ["Crime","Thriller"]

      Summary Malvo witnesses a teen urinating into the gas tank of a red Miata from his motel room. He calls the front desk to report it, and the woman at the front desk comes out with a shotgun, yelling at the teen. The teen panics and runs away with his pants falling down. Malvo closes the curtain, ending the scene.
      Strengths
      • Engaging dialogue
      • Unexpected twist
      • Dark humor
      Weaknesses
      • Limited exploration of themes
      • Minimal character development

      Ratings
      Overall

      Overall: 9

      The scene effectively combines elements of crime, suspense, and humor, creating an engaging and memorable sequence.


      Story Content

      Concept: 8

      The concept of a character seeking revenge by urinating in someone's gas tank is unique and unexpected, adding a surprising twist to the scene.

      Plot: 9

      The plot of the scene revolves around Malvo's interaction with the motel owner and his subsequent act of revenge, which is both entertaining and drives the story forward.

      Originality: 6

      The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While the situation of a character reporting another character's actions is not entirely unique, the specific details and actions in this scene add a fresh approach to the familiar situation. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue contributes to the originality.


      Character Development

      Characters: 9

      The characters of Malvo and the motel owner are well-developed and their interaction is engaging. Malvo's dark and manipulative personality contrasts with the motel owner's frustration and anger, creating an interesting dynamic.

      Character Changes: 6

      While the scene does not involve significant character development or change, it does reveal aspects of Malvo's manipulative and vengeful nature.

      Internal Goal: 8

      The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is not explicitly stated, but it can be inferred that he wants to cause trouble or chaos by reporting the teen's actions to the woman at the front desk. This reflects his deeper desire for power and control, as well as his enjoyment of manipulating others.

      External Goal: 9

      The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to provoke a reaction from the woman at the front desk by reporting the teen's actions. This reflects the immediate challenge of testing the woman's response and potentially causing chaos or disruption.


      Scene Elements

      Conflict Level: 8

      The conflict between Malvo and the motel owner is evident throughout the scene, escalating when Malvo reveals his act of revenge. The conflict adds tension and suspense to the scene.

      Opposition: 8

      The opposition in this scene is strong as the protagonist's actions directly challenge the woman's authority and provoke a reaction. The audience is unsure of how the situation will unfold.

      High Stakes: 7

      The stakes in the scene involve the motel owner's reputation and the potential consequences of Malvo's revenge. While not extremely high, they add tension to the scene.

      Story Forward: 9

      The scene moves the story forward by introducing the motel owner's conflict with Malvo and setting up future events. It also adds depth to Malvo's character.

      Unpredictability: 7

      This scene is unpredictable because the audience does not know how the woman will react to the protagonist's report. There is a sense of uncertainty and tension in the outcome.

      Philosophical Conflict: 0

      There is no evident philosophical conflict in this scene.


      Audience Engagement

      Emotional Impact: 7

      The scene elicits a mix of emotions, including amusement, shock, and suspense. However, the emotional impact is not the primary focus of the scene.

      Dialogue: 8

      The dialogue in the scene is sharp and witty, with Malvo's dark humor shining through. The exchange between Malvo and the motel owner adds tension and humor to the scene.

      Engagement: 9

      This scene is engaging because it presents a conflict and builds anticipation through the protagonist's actions and the woman's reaction. The unexpected situation of the teen urinating into the gas tank adds a level of intrigue and curiosity.

      Pacing: 9

      The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by maintaining a steady rhythm and building tension through the protagonist's actions and the woman's reaction. The concise and direct dialogue adds to the fast-paced nature of the scene.


      Technical Aspect

      Formatting: 9

      The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It uses proper scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting.

      Structure: 8

      The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It begins with a location and time description, followed by character actions and dialogue, and ends with a cut to the next scene.


      Critique
      • The scene lacks clear motivation or purpose. It seems disconnected from the previous scenes and doesn't contribute much to the overall story.
      • The dialogue is minimal and lacks depth. There is no meaningful interaction or development between the characters.
      • The visual description is sparse and doesn't create a vivid or engaging image for the reader.
      • The scene ends abruptly without any resolution or further development.
      • There is a missed opportunity to explore the characters' emotions or reactions to the events happening around them.
      Suggestions
      • Consider reevaluating the placement of this scene within the overall screenplay. It should serve a clear purpose and contribute to the story's progression.
      • Develop the dialogue to reveal more about the characters' personalities, motivations, or conflicts.
      • Enhance the visual description to create a more immersive and engaging experience for the reader.
      • Provide a more satisfying resolution or continuation of the events in the scene.
      • Explore the characters' emotional reactions to the unfolding events, adding depth and complexity to their interactions.



      Scene 22 -  Coffee Shop Investigation
      INT. COFFEE SHOP. SAINT CLOUD, MINNESOTA - DAY

      A family place. Molly Solverson sits at a table, going over a
      case file. LOU SOLVERSON (60) limps over with a pot of
      coffee.
      35.


      LOU
      Warm ya up, hon?

      MOLLY
      Thanks, dad.

      LOU
      Whatcha lookin’ at?

      MOLLY
      Murder file.

      LOU
      Oh ya?

      MOLLY
      Ya. Sam Hess got himself killed
      last night over The Lucky Penny.

      LOU
      Ya don’t say.

      MOLLY
      Ya. Knife in the head. But ya
      didn’t hear that from me.

      Vern Thurman comes in, sees Molly, comes over.

      VERN
      Hey there, Molly. Lou.

      LOU
      Coffee? Eggs over medium.

      VERN
      Won’t say no. How’s the leg?

      LOU
      Goes from my ass to the ground,
      same as the other. Thinking of
      doin’ some ice fishin’ this
      weekend.

      VERN
      Sorry to hear it.

      LOU
      Interested?

      VERN
      No. Only thing I ever caught
      fishin’ in winter was a cold.

      Lou goes back behind the counter.
      36.


      MOLLY
      Say, Chief. I been thinkin’. That
      fella in the snow. With the
      underpants. Somethin’ odd about
      that.

      VERN
      Yer sayin’ other than the fact he
      was just wearin’ panties.

      MOLLY
      Ya. See, we know from the wreck
      that whoever was driving the
      vehicle cracked their head on the
      windshield. But the fella in the
      snow --

      VERN
      No head injury.

      MOLLY
      Right. So, ya see --

      VERN
      That’s some good police work there,
      deputy.

      MOLLY
      (smiles)
      Thanks.

      VERN
      But if he’s not the driver -- I
      guess we gotta ask -- who is he?

      MOLLY
      I ran his prints. Nothin’. Plus,
      turns out the car was stolen.

      VERN
      Oh ya?

      MOLLY
      Ya. Over in Grand Forks. I called
      the local PD. Waiting for a call
      back.

      VERN
      (nods to Hess file)
      Any thoughts there?
      37.


      MOLLY
      Not as such. The lady Hess was
      with didn’t get a good look at the
      fella killed him on account of all
      the blood in her eyes. But we’re
      checkin’ the knife fer prints.
      Also Bill’s goin’ around to the
      stores, see if the knife was maybe
      bought here in Saint Cloud.

      Vern studies her.

      VERN
      You’ll make a good chief one day.

      MOLLY
      (surprised)
      Me? What about Bill? He’s got
      seniority.

      VERN
      Bill cleans his gun with bubble
      bath. No. It’ll be you. If you
      want.

      Molly nods. She does.

      CUT TO:
      Genres: ["Crime","Mystery","Drama"]

      Summary Molly Solverson reviews a murder case file at a family coffee shop in Saint Cloud, Minnesota. Her father, Lou Solverson, brings her coffee and they discuss the case briefly. Vern Thurman joins them and they exchange pleasantries. Molly shares her suspicions about a man found dead in the snow and a stolen car involved in the case. Vern compliments Molly's police work and suggests she would make a good chief one day. The scene ends with Molly and Vern discussing their investigation.
      Strengths
      • Engaging dialogue
      • Effective introduction of the murder case
      • Humorous moments
      Weaknesses
      • Limited emotional impact
      • Minimal character change

      Ratings
      Overall

      Overall: 8

      The scene effectively introduces the murder case and sets up the investigation while also providing moments of humor.


      Story Content

      Concept: 7

      The concept of investigating a murder and uncovering clues is well-executed, but not particularly innovative.

      Plot: 8

      The plot moves forward as the characters discuss the murder case and analyze the evidence.

      Originality: 5

      The level of originality in this scene is relatively low. The situation of discussing a murder case in a coffee shop is a familiar trope in crime dramas. However, the authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds a sense of realism to the scene.


      Character Development

      Characters: 9

      The characters are well-developed and their interactions reveal their personalities and relationships.

      Character Changes: 5

      There is minimal character change in this scene, as it primarily focuses on introducing the murder case.

      Internal Goal: 8

      The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to solve the murder case of Sam Hess. This reflects Molly's desire to be a competent and successful police officer, as well as her determination to uncover the truth.

      External Goal: 7

      The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to gather information and evidence related to the murder case. Molly is discussing the case with Lou and Vern, and she mentions running prints and checking the knife for prints.


      Scene Elements

      Conflict Level: 7

      There is a moderate level of conflict as the characters discuss the murder case and try to uncover the truth.

      Opposition: 7

      The opposition in this scene is moderate. Molly faces challenges in solving the murder case, such as the lack of evidence and the stolen car. The audience is unsure of how she will overcome these obstacles.

      High Stakes: 7

      The stakes are moderately high as the characters investigate a murder and try to uncover the truth.

      Story Forward: 9

      The scene moves the story forward by providing important information about the murder case and setting up the investigation.

      Unpredictability: 6

      This scene is somewhat unpredictable because it introduces the mystery of the unidentified victim and raises questions about the circumstances of the murder. However, the overall plot development is relatively straightforward.

      Philosophical Conflict: 0

      There is no evident philosophical conflict in this scene.


      Audience Engagement

      Emotional Impact: 6

      The scene does not have a strong emotional impact, focusing more on the investigation and humor.

      Dialogue: 8

      The dialogue is engaging and reveals information about the case and the characters' thoughts.

      Engagement: 7

      This scene is engaging because it introduces a murder case and raises questions about the identity of the victim and the motives behind the crime. The dialogue between the characters is also engaging and reveals information about the case.

      Pacing: 8

      The pacing of the scene is effective in maintaining the reader's interest. The dialogue flows smoothly and the scene progresses at a steady pace.


      Technical Aspect

      Formatting: 9

      The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. The scene is properly formatted with scene headings, character names, and dialogue.

      Structure: 8

      The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It begins with an establishing shot and introduces the characters through dialogue. The scene progresses with a natural flow of conversation.


      Critique
      • The scene lacks a clear objective or conflict. It seems to be a casual conversation between Molly, Lou, and Vern without any significant tension or stakes.
      • The dialogue feels a bit mundane and lacks depth. There is no sense of urgency or intrigue in the conversation.
      • The scene could benefit from more visual elements or actions to make it more engaging and visually interesting.
      • The transition between Molly discussing the fella in the snow and Vern asking about the Hess file feels abrupt and disconnected.
      • The scene does not contribute much to the overall plot or advance the story in a meaningful way.
      Suggestions
      • Introduce a clear objective or conflict for the characters in the scene. This could be related to the murder case or another subplot.
      • Add more tension and intrigue to the dialogue. Create a sense of urgency or mystery to keep the audience engaged.
      • Include visual elements or actions that enhance the scene and make it more visually interesting.
      • Smooth out the transition between different topics of conversation to create a more cohesive flow.
      • Consider whether this scene is necessary for the overall story. If it does not contribute significantly, it may be worth revising or removing.



      Scene 23 -  Indifference and Mystification
      INT. HESS HOUSE. SAINT CLOUD, MINNESOTA - DAY

      Mickey and Moe, wearing black suits too short in the arms and
      legs, sit on the sofa, looking bored. Their mother, GINA
      HESS (30s) sits in a chair, wearing red. She’s not from
      around here. Bruce Gold, Hess’s consigliere, is there,
      drinking coffee. As are the TWO HEAVIES we saw at the
      garage.

      BRUCE GOLD
      When you talk to the police just
      keep it simple. Thanks but no
      thanks in other words. I’ve
      already talked to Fargo and they
      want to deal with this themselves.
      They’re sending guys.

      GINA HESS
      Deal with what? He was in a
      whorehouse. I’m glad he’s dead.

      MICKEY
      Ma, don’t talk like that.
      38.


      MOE
      Ya, mom. Don’t talk like that.

      Through the living room WINDOW we see Vern’s prowler pull up.
      Vern and Molly get out.

      GINA HESS
      Makes me live in the god damn north
      pole and then he has the nerve to --
      I’m not kidding. I’m gonna sing at
      his funeral.

      She breaks into tears, inconsolable. The men of Minnesota
      watch her cry, mystified by her emotional range.

      A MAID comes in.

      MAID
      Mr. Mickey. You have a phone call.

      Mickey and Moe stand together.

      MICKEY
      She said me, doofus.

      MOE
      Can’t I come?

      MICKEY
      No. Geez. Stay here with ma.

      Mickey follows the maid into the ...

      KITCHEN

      He picks up the phone.

      MICKEY
      Hello?

      INTERCUT WITH:
      Genres: ["Crime","Drama"]

      Summary Mickey, Moe, and their mother Gina Hess sit on the sofa looking bored in their house in Saint Cloud, Minnesota. Bruce Gold, Hess's consigliere, advises them to keep it simple when talking to the police. Gina expresses her indifference towards the death of someone in a whorehouse, causing Mickey and Moe to try to stop her. Vern and Molly arrive outside the house, and Gina breaks into tears, mystifying the men of Minnesota. The scene ends with Mickey answering a phone call in the kitchen.
      Strengths
      • Sharp dialogue
      • Effective blend of tension and humor
      • Well-developed characters
      Weaknesses
      • Limited character change in this scene

      Ratings
      Overall

      Overall: 9

      The scene effectively blends tension, humor, and mystery to create an engaging and memorable sequence.


      Story Content

      Concept: 8

      The concept of exploring the aftermath of a murder and the emotional impact it has on the characters is intriguing and well-executed.

      Plot: 8

      The plot progresses as the characters discuss the murder case and their suspicions, leading to further investigation.

      Originality: 6

      The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While the setting and characters may be familiar tropes in crime dramas, the specific dynamics and interactions between the characters feel fresh and authentic. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


      Character Development

      Characters: 9

      The characters are well-developed and their interactions reveal their personalities and motivations.

      Character Changes: 7

      While there is not significant character change in this scene, the interactions and discussions reveal more about the characters' personalities and motivations.

      Internal Goal: 8

      The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to maintain control and composure in the face of his mother's emotional outburst. This reflects his need to keep the family together and protect them from the consequences of their actions.

      External Goal: 7

      The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to handle a phone call. This reflects the immediate circumstance of the phone call and the need to address any potential issues or threats.


      Scene Elements

      Conflict Level: 8

      There is a moderate level of conflict as the characters navigate their emotions and the investigation of the murder case.

      Opposition: 7

      The opposition in this scene is moderate. The protagonist's mother's emotional outburst creates a small obstacle for him to overcome, but it is not a major challenge that the audience is unsure of how it will go.

      High Stakes: 7

      The stakes are moderately high as the characters deal with the aftermath of a murder and the potential consequences of their actions.

      Story Forward: 8

      The scene moves the story forward by introducing new information and advancing the investigation of the murder case.

      Unpredictability: 7

      This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected emotional outburst of the protagonist's mother. The audience does not know how the characters will react or what consequences this outburst may have.

      Philosophical Conflict: 0

      There is no evident philosophical conflict in this scene.


      Audience Engagement

      Emotional Impact: 7

      The scene elicits a range of emotions, including tension, amusement, and curiosity.

      Dialogue: 9

      The dialogue is sharp, witty, and reveals important information about the characters and the plot.

      Engagement: 9

      This scene is engaging because it introduces conflict and tension through the characters' interactions and emotional outbursts. The dialogue and emotional depth of the characters draw the audience in and make them invested in the story.

      Pacing: 8

      The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by balancing moments of tension and emotional depth with moments of dialogue and character interaction. The rhythm of the scene keeps the audience engaged and interested in the unfolding events.


      Technical Aspect

      Formatting: 9

      The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It uses standard scene headings, action lines, and dialogue formatting.

      Structure: 8

      The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It establishes the setting and characters, introduces conflict and tension, and sets up future events.


      Critique
      • The scene lacks clear objectives and conflicts for the characters. It is unclear what the purpose of this scene is and how it advances the overall story.
      • The dialogue feels forced and unnatural. The characters' lines do not flow smoothly and their reactions to each other's statements are not believable.
      • The emotional tone of the scene is inconsistent. Gina Hess goes from expressing indifference towards her husband's death to breaking into tears, which feels abrupt and unconvincing.
      • The introduction of new characters, such as Bruce Gold and the two heavies, feels unnecessary and adds confusion to the scene.
      • The visual elements and actions are not described, making it difficult for the reader to visualize the scene and understand the characters' movements.
      • The transition to the next scene is abrupt and lacks a clear connection to the previous events.
      Suggestions
      • Clarify the objectives and conflicts for the characters in this scene. What do they want and what obstacles are they facing?
      • Rewrite the dialogue to make it more natural and believable. Focus on creating authentic reactions and interactions between the characters.
      • Develop a consistent emotional tone for the scene. If Gina Hess is meant to be indifferent towards her husband's death, explore that further and make her reactions more consistent.
      • Consider removing unnecessary characters and focusing on the core characters and their dynamics.
      • Include more visual descriptions and actions to enhance the reader's understanding of the scene and the characters' movements.
      • Create a smoother transition to the next scene by establishing a clear connection or continuation of the previous events.



      Scene 24 -  Inheritance Anger
      INT. FARMDALE MOTEL. SAINT CLOUD, MINNESOTA - SAME TIME

      Lorne Malvo sits on his bed, clipping his toe nails.

      MALVO
      Mickey, it’s Lewis Grossman. Your
      dad’s estate attorney. First let
      me say how sorry I am for your
      loss.

      MICKEY
      Ok.
      39.


      MALVO
      Next thing is, I’m responsible for
      overseeing the dispersal of your
      dad’s vast estate.

      MICKEY
      (brightening)
      You mean the money?

      MALVO
      Right. Money, real estate
      holdings, automobiles. And --
      well, there’s no delicate way to
      put this -- the will is very clear.
      Your dad decided to leave
      everything to your younger brother,
      Moe.

      MICKEY
      Are you fucking kidding me?

      MALVO
      I know it’s hard to hear. But the
      will is very specific. Quote, I
      leave the entirety of my vast
      estate to my second born -- and
      favorite -- son, Moe. That’s
      sweet. He musta really loved that
      boy. Anyway, that’s it. Again,
      sorry for your loss. If you have
      any questions please don’t hesitate
      to call.

      Malvo hangs up, finishes clipping his toe nails.

      CUT TO:
      Genres: ["Crime","Drama"]

      Summary Lorne Malvo sits in a motel room, clipping his toenails while talking on the phone with Mickey. He informs Mickey that his late father's estate is to be left to his younger brother, Moe, which angers Mickey. The conflict remains unresolved as Malvo hangs up the phone and finishes clipping his toenails.
      Strengths
      • Sharp and witty dialogue
      • Engaging plot
      • Well-defined characters
      Weaknesses

        Ratings
        Overall

        Overall: 8

        The scene effectively combines dark humor with suspenseful moments, creating an engaging and entertaining atmosphere. The exploration of family dynamics and inheritance adds depth to the story.


        Story Content

        Concept: 7

        The concept of inheritance and the conflict it creates within the family is intriguing and drives the plot forward.

        Plot: 8

        The plot is well-developed, with the revelation of the will and the conflict it creates between Mickey and Moe. It keeps the audience engaged and curious about the outcome.

        Originality: 7

        The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While the situation of a character being disappointed by their inheritance is not entirely unique, the specific dialogue and the dark humor infused into the scene add a fresh approach. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue contributes to the originality.


        Character Development

        Characters: 9

        The characters are well-defined and their interactions reveal their personalities and motivations. The emotional range of Gina Hess adds depth to the scene.

        Character Changes: 7

        Mickey experiences a significant change in his emotions and perspective upon learning about the will. This sets up potential character development in future scenes.

        Internal Goal: 8

        The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to process and react to the news that his father left everything to his younger brother. This reflects his deeper fear or desire of not being valued or loved by his father.

        External Goal: 7

        The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to understand and come to terms with the fact that his father's estate will be inherited by his younger brother. This reflects the immediate circumstance and challenge of dealing with the loss of his father and the implications for his own financial situation.


        Scene Elements

        Conflict Level: 8

        The conflict between Mickey and Moe regarding the inheritance creates tension and drives the scene forward.

        Opposition: 8

        The opposition in this scene is strong as the protagonist faces the challenge of accepting his father's will and the loss of his inheritance. The audience is unsure of how the protagonist will react and what actions he will take.

        High Stakes: 7

        The stakes are high for Mickey, who has lost his inheritance, and for the family dynamics as a whole. The outcome of the conflict has significant consequences.

        Story Forward: 8

        The scene moves the story forward by introducing the conflict between Mickey and Moe and setting up potential future developments.

        Unpredictability: 7

        This scene is unpredictable because the audience does not expect the protagonist's father to leave everything to his younger brother. The unexpected news adds a layer of surprise and uncertainty to the scene.

        Philosophical Conflict: 6

        There is a philosophical conflict evident in this scene between the protagonist's belief that he should have received a share of his father's estate and the reality of his father's will. This challenges his belief in fairness and the value he places on his relationship with his father.


        Audience Engagement

        Emotional Impact: 7

        The emotional impact is primarily driven by Gina Hess's tears and the audience's curiosity about the outcome of the inheritance conflict.

        Dialogue: 8

        The dialogue is sharp and witty, capturing the dark humor of the scene. It also reveals the characters' emotions and conflicts.

        Engagement: 8

        This scene is engaging because it presents a conflict and reveals unexpected information that creates tension and emotional investment for the audience. The sharp dialogue and the protagonist's strong reaction contribute to the engagement.

        Pacing: 9

        The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by maintaining a steady rhythm. The dialogue exchanges are well-timed, allowing for moments of tension and reaction. The scene progresses smoothly without unnecessary delays.


        Technical Aspect

        Formatting: 9

        The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It uses proper scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting. The action lines are concise and effectively convey the characters' actions.

        Structure: 9

        The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It begins with a clear location and time description, followed by character actions and dialogue. The scene ends with a cut to a new location.


        Critique
        • The scene lacks visual elements and actions, making it feel static and unengaging.
        • The dialogue between Malvo and Mickey feels forced and unnatural, lacking depth and authenticity.
        • The conflict of Mickey discovering he has been disinherited is not explored or developed enough, resulting in a missed opportunity for emotional impact.
        • The scene lacks subtext and layers of meaning, making it feel shallow and one-dimensional.
        • The transition between the previous scene and this one is abrupt and disjointed, leaving the reader confused and disconnected.
        Suggestions
        • Introduce visual elements and actions to make the scene more dynamic and visually engaging. For example, Malvo could be pacing the room while talking on the phone, or Mickey could be nervously fidgeting with an object.
        • Revise the dialogue to make it more natural and authentic. Add subtext and layers of meaning to create depth and complexity in the characters' interactions. Consider adding moments of hesitation, vulnerability, or emotional outbursts to make the scene more compelling.
        • Develop the conflict between Mickey and Malvo further. Show Mickey's emotional reaction to the news of being disinherited and explore the underlying dynamics of his relationship with his father and brother. This will add depth and emotional resonance to the scene.
        • Improve the transition between scenes by providing a smoother segue or establishing a clear connection between the previous scene and this one. This will help maintain the reader's engagement and understanding of the story.



        Scene 25 -  Confrontation at the Hess House
        INT. LIVING ROOM. HESS HOUSE - DAY

        Vern and Molly have come in while Mickey was on the phone.
        They stand talking to Gina, Moe and Bruce Gold.

        VERN
        Well, like I said, Mrs. Hess, we’re
        checking some things on our end.
        But anything you could tell us --
        about yer husband’s business, or --

        BRUCE GOLD
        Appreciate the visit, Vern. But
        Mrs. Hess had no kind of
        involvement in Sam’s business.
        Frankly, she’s mystified.
        (MORE)
        40.

        BRUCE GOLD (CONT'D)
        Her husband being a pillar of the
        community and all. I mean, heck,
        voted Saint Cloud Businessman of
        the Year, 1996 and 98.

        VERN
        Ya. Like I said, it’s a puzzler.
        But if you or these big fellas have
        any information --

        Mickey comes back from the kitchen, stands in the doorway.

        MOE
        (mouths)
        Who was it?

        Mickey waves Moe over (come outside and I’ll tell ya). The
        two go to the front door.

        VERN
        -- about enemies Mr. Hess mighta
        made or --

        There is a HOCKEY STICK resting against the wall. Mickey
        GRABS it on his way out.

        VERN (CONT’D)
        -- you know, differences he mighta
        had with certain individuals, well,
        we’d appreciate the sharing of such
        information.

        GINA HESS
        When do I get the fat bastard’s
        body back?

        BRUCE GOLD
        Gina.

        Vern and Molly exchange a look. Through the LIVING ROOM
        WINDOW we see Mickey and Moe walk out into the front yard,
        Mickey holding the hockey stick.

        VERN
        Well, there’ll be an autopsy today.
        And they’re real delicate with
        that. I wanna reassure you. You
        won’t be able to tell a thing.

        MOLLY
        Ya. It’s amazin’ what those fellas
        can do. My aunt had a stroke in
        the bathtub. Just real bloated
        when they found her.
        41.


        Outside, MICKEY CLOBBERS MOE with a hockey stick. Moe
        staggers. Mickey hits him again.

        MOLLY (CONT’D)
        Puffed up like a fish. But -- what
        do ya know? -- we had an open
        casket.

        Moe goes down. Mickey BEATS him mercilessly.

        GINA HESS
        (stares at Molly)
        What the hell are you talking
        about?

        MOLLY
        -- just, they do nice work is --

        Molly glances out the window, sees Moe on the ground, taking
        a beating.

        MOLLY (CONT’D)
        Chief! 217! 217!

        She sprints for the door and out into the yard. We watch
        through the window as she TACKLES Mickey.

        CUT TO:
        Genres: ["Crime","Drama"]

        Summary Vern and Molly visit the Hess house to gather information about Sam Hess's business. They talk to Gina, Moe, and Bruce Gold. Mickey and Moe have a confrontation outside, resulting in Mickey beating Moe with a hockey stick. Molly witnesses this and calls for help. She tackles Mickey in the yard, resolving the conflict.
        Strengths
        • Tension-building
        • Sharp dialogue
        • Character development
        Weaknesses

          Ratings
          Overall

          Overall: 9

          The scene effectively builds tension and establishes the central conflict between the police and the Hess family. The dialogue is sharp and reveals important information about the characters and their motivations. The scene also introduces the theme of deception and raises the stakes in the murder case.


          Story Content

          Concept: 8

          The concept of the scene revolves around the investigation of a murder case and the conflicting interests of the police and the Hess family. It effectively sets up the central conflict and introduces the theme of deception.

          Plot: 9

          The plot of the scene revolves around the police questioning the Hess family about the murder case and the family's attempts to hide their involvement. The tension escalates as Mickey brutally attacks Moe, adding a shocking twist to the plot.

          Originality: 2

          The level of originality in this scene is low. It follows a typical dialogue-driven format and does not introduce any unique situations or fresh approaches.


          Character Development

          Characters: 9

          The characters in the scene are well-developed and their motivations and conflicts are clearly established. Molly Solverson is portrayed as a determined and intelligent police officer, while Gina Hess is shown as a cold and indifferent woman. Mickey's violent outburst adds depth to his character.

          Character Changes: 8

          Mickey's violent outburst showcases a significant change in his character, revealing his capacity for brutality. The scene also hints at potential character changes for other characters, such as Molly's determination to solve the murder case.

          Internal Goal: 0

          The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is not explicitly stated.

          External Goal: 7

          The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to gather information about the husband's business and potential enemies.


          Scene Elements

          Conflict Level: 9

          The conflict in the scene is high, as the police question the Hess family about the murder case and the family tries to hide their involvement. Mickey's violent outburst adds a shocking twist to the conflict.

          Opposition: 6

          The opposition in this scene is moderate, as the characters have conflicting interests and goals.

          High Stakes: 9

          The stakes in the scene are high, as the police investigate a murder case and the Hess family tries to hide their involvement. The violent outburst by Mickey raises the stakes even further.

          Story Forward: 9

          The scene moves the story forward by revealing important information about the murder case and the conflicting interests of the police and the Hess family. Mickey's violent outburst adds a shocking twist and raises the stakes in the story.

          Unpredictability: 4

          This scene is somewhat unpredictable because it includes a sudden act of violence by Mickey towards Moe.

          Philosophical Conflict: 0

          There is no evident philosophical conflict in this scene.


          Audience Engagement

          Emotional Impact: 8

          The scene evokes a sense of tension and suspense, as well as shock and surprise when Mickey brutally attacks Moe. The emotional impact is heightened by the contrasting emotions of the characters, such as Gina's indifference and Molly's determination.

          Dialogue: 8

          The dialogue in the scene is sharp and reveals important information about the characters and their motivations. It effectively conveys the tension and conflict between the police and the Hess family.

          Engagement: 6

          This scene is engaging because it introduces a mysterious situation and raises questions about the husband's business and potential enemies.

          Pacing: 7

          The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by gradually building tension through the characters' dialogue and actions.


          Technical Aspect

          Formatting: 9

          The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre, with proper scene headings and character names.

          Structure: 8

          The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear dialogue and scene direction.


          Critique
          • The scene lacks clear focus and purpose. It starts with Vern and Molly talking to Gina, Moe, and Bruce Gold, but the conversation feels aimless and doesn't contribute much to the overall story.
          • The dialogue feels forced and unnatural. The characters' lines don't flow smoothly and the exchanges between them lack depth and authenticity.
          • The transition from Vern and Molly talking to Gina and Bruce to Mickey and Moe going outside is abrupt and confusing. It's not clear why Mickey grabs the hockey stick or what his intentions are.
          • The violence towards Moe comes out of nowhere and feels gratuitous. There is no build-up or justification for Mickey's sudden attack, which makes it feel out of place and shocking in a negative way.
          • The scene lacks visual descriptions and actions, which makes it difficult for the reader to visualize the events and engage with the scene.
          • The dialogue between Molly and Gina about the autopsy and open casket feels disconnected from the rest of the scene and doesn't serve a clear purpose.
          • The transition from Molly talking to Gina to Molly seeing Mickey beating Moe is unclear and poorly executed. It's not clear how Molly goes from inside the house to outside in the yard.
          • The scene ends abruptly with Molly tackling Mickey, leaving the reader with a sense of confusion and unresolved conflict.
          Suggestions
          • Clarify the purpose and focus of the scene. What is the main objective or conflict that the characters are trying to resolve?
          • Rewrite the dialogue to make it more natural and authentic. Focus on creating distinct voices for each character and ensuring that their lines contribute to the overall story.
          • Provide clearer transitions between different parts of the scene to improve the flow and coherence of the narrative.
          • Reconsider the use of violence in the scene. If it is necessary for the story, make sure to build up to it and provide a clear motivation for the character's actions.
          • Add more visual descriptions and actions to enhance the reader's engagement with the scene. Show the characters' body language, facial expressions, and physical movements to bring the scene to life.
          • Remove or revise the dialogue between Molly and Gina about the autopsy and open casket to make it more relevant and connected to the rest of the scene.
          • Improve the transition from Molly talking to Gina to Molly seeing Mickey beating Moe. Clearly establish Molly's movement from inside the house to outside in the yard.
          • Provide a more satisfying resolution or conclusion to the scene. Consider how the conflict or tension can be resolved and what impact it has on the characters and the overall story.



          Scene 26 -  Mickey's Silence and Lester's Observation
          INT. POLICE CAR (TRAVELING). SAINT CLOUD, MN - DAY

          Mickey sits in back, handcuffed. Molly drives. Vern is in
          the passenger seat.

          MOLLY
          I don’t understand. Why would ya
          do a thing like that? And to yer
          own brother.

          Mickey says nothing. They drive in silence.

          CUT TO:

          INT. LESTER’S CAR. SAINT CLOUD, MINNESOTA - DAY

          Lester is driving to work. As he passes the Farmdale Motel,
          he sees Lorne Malvo exit his room. Lester slows, watches
          Malvo go into the Arby’s next door.

          LESTER NYGAARD
          What the heck?

          CUT TO:
          42.
          Genres: ["Crime","Drama","Thriller"]

          Summary In this scene, Mickey is handcuffed and silent in the back of a police car while Molly questions him about why he would harm his own brother. Vern sits in the passenger seat. Meanwhile, Lester is driving and sees Lorne Malvo leaving his room at the Farmdale Motel and entering the Arby's next door. The scene ends with Lester expressing confusion at Malvo's actions.
          Strengths
          • Tension-building
          • Character development
          • Sharp dialogue
          Weaknesses

            Ratings
            Overall

            Overall: 9

            The scene effectively builds tension and introduces intriguing elements that keep the audience engaged. The dialogue is sharp and reveals important information about the characters and their motivations. The emotional impact of the scene is heightened by the conflict and character changes.


            Story Content

            Concept: 8

            The concept of exploring the criminal family dynamics and introducing a mysterious character adds depth and complexity to the story. It keeps the audience guessing and creates anticipation for future developments.

            Plot: 9

            The plot progresses significantly in this scene as the police interact with the criminal family and gather information about the murder case. The introduction of Lorne Malvo adds a new layer of intrigue and raises questions about his role in the story.

            Originality: 3

            The level of originality in this scene is relatively low. The situations and actions are familiar, such as a character being handcuffed in a police car and another character observing someone suspiciously. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue is realistic but not particularly unique.


            Character Development

            Characters: 10

            The characters are well-developed and their interactions reveal their personalities, motivations, and conflicts. Each character has a distinct voice and contributes to the overall tension and emotional impact of the scene.

            Character Changes: 8

            Mickey's betrayal of his brother and Molly's confrontation with Mickey showcase significant character changes. These changes contribute to the overall tension and emotional impact of the scene.

            Internal Goal: 5

            The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is not explicitly stated or shown. However, based on the context, it can be inferred that Mickey may be feeling guilty or conflicted about his actions towards his own brother.

            External Goal: 8

            The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to understand why Lorne Malvo would be staying at the Farmdale Motel and going into the Arby's next door. This reflects the immediate challenge or mystery that Lester is facing.


            Scene Elements

            Conflict Level: 9

            The conflict between the police and the criminal family, as well as the internal conflicts within the family, create a high level of tension and suspense.

            Opposition: 7

            The opposition in this scene is moderate. Lester encounters a mysterious situation with Lorne Malvo, but the audience doesn't know how it will go or what the outcome will be.

            High Stakes: 9

            The stakes are high in this scene as the police investigate a murder case involving a criminal family. The introduction of Lorne Malvo raises the stakes even further.

            Story Forward: 9

            The scene moves the story forward by providing important information about the murder case, introducing a mysterious character, and deepening the conflicts and tensions between the police and the criminal family.

            Unpredictability: 6

            This scene is somewhat unpredictable because the audience doesn't know why Lorne Malvo is staying at the motel and going into the Arby's next door. It creates a sense of intrigue and uncertainty.

            Philosophical Conflict: 0

            There is no evident philosophical conflict in this scene.


            Audience Engagement

            Emotional Impact: 8

            The emotional impact of the scene is heightened by the conflicts, character changes, and the revelation of family secrets. It evokes empathy and curiosity in the audience.

            Dialogue: 9

            The dialogue is sharp, realistic, and reveals important information about the characters and their relationships. It effectively conveys tension, emotion, and conflict.

            Engagement: 7

            This scene is engaging because it introduces a mystery or potential conflict with the appearance of Lorne Malvo and leaves the audience curious about what will happen next.

            Pacing: 8

            The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and curiosity. It moves at a steady pace, allowing the audience to absorb the information and feel the suspense.


            Technical Aspect

            Formatting: 9

            The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It includes scene headings, character names, and dialogue in the correct format.

            Structure: 8

            The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It starts with an establishing shot and then cuts to different locations to show different characters' perspectives.


            Critique
            • The scene lacks clear transitions between locations and characters, making it confusing for the reader. It jumps abruptly from the police car to Lester's car without any indication of the change.
            • The dialogue between Molly and Mickey feels forced and lacks depth. It doesn't effectively convey the emotional tension between them.
            • The scene lacks visual descriptions and actions, making it visually uninteresting and static.
            • The transition from Molly tackling Mickey to Lester seeing Lorne Malvo feels disjointed and doesn't flow smoothly.
            • There is a missed opportunity to explore the conflict between Molly and Mickey further, as well as the consequences of Molly tackling him.
            Suggestions
            • Add clear scene headings and transitions to indicate changes in location and characters.
            • Revise the dialogue between Molly and Mickey to make it more emotionally charged and reflective of their relationship.
            • Include visual descriptions and actions to make the scene more engaging and dynamic.
            • Consider reordering the scenes to create a smoother transition from Molly tackling Mickey to Lester seeing Lorne Malvo.
            • Expand on the conflict between Molly and Mickey, as well as the aftermath of Molly tackling him, to add depth and tension to the scene.



            Scene 27 -  A Shocking Revelation
            INT. INSURANCE AGENCY. SAINT CLOUD, MINNESOTA - DAY

            Lester Nygaard arrives for work. He takes off his puffy
            coat, hangs it on the coat rack. His boss, BO MUNK (50s)
            comes over.

            BO
            Heya, Lester.

            LESTER NYGAARD
            Oh, hiya, Bo.

            BO
            What happened to yer face there?

            LESTER NYGAARD
            Ya know that spot near the fire
            station?

            BO
            Where they wash the trucks?

            LESTER NYGAARD
            Yah, slipped on the ice.

            BO
            Ouch. Say, Lester. I needya ta
            pull the policy for Sam Hess.

            LESTER NYGAARD
            (beat)
            For -- who now?

            BO
            Sam Hess, owns the truck depot over
            on Winslow. You know. Big fella.
            Well, he’s dead.

            The color goes out of Lester’s face.

            LESTER NYGAARD
            Oh ya?

            BO
            Ya. Shame. That’s a big policy.
            (lowers his voice)
            Murder, they’re sayin’. Stabbed ta
            death is what I heard.
            (off Lester)
            You okay there, Lester?

            LESTER NYGAARD
            Oh sure. I, uh -- you know I went
            ta high school with him.
            43.


            BO
            Ya don’t say. Well, anyway. I need
            ya ta pull the policy. Gotta get
            on the phone with his wife later.

            Bo walks away. Lester stands there, feeling both terror and
            a peculiar elation.

            CUT TO:
            Genres: ["Crime","Drama","Thriller"]

            Summary Lester Nygaard arrives at the insurance agency in Saint Cloud, Minnesota where his boss, Bo Munk, asks about a spot on his face and instructs him to pull the policy for Sam Hess, who has been murdered. Lester, shocked by the news, reveals that he went to high school with Sam. Bo walks away, leaving Lester feeling both terrified and strangely excited.
            Strengths
            • Building tension and suspense
            • Emotional impact
            • Revealing important plot information
            Weaknesses
            • Dialogue could be more nuanced and complex

            Ratings
            Overall

            Overall: 9

            The scene effectively builds tension and emotion through the revelation of Sam Hess's murder and the unexpected inheritance twist. It keeps the audience engaged and eager to know more.


            Story Content

            Concept: 8

            The concept of a murder mystery and unexpected inheritance adds intrigue and suspense to the scene. It introduces a major plot point and raises questions about the characters' motivations.

            Plot: 9

            The plot unfolds with the revelation of Sam Hess's murder and the inheritance twist. It creates a strong sense of conflict and sets the stage for further developments in the story.

            Originality: 5

            The level of originality in this scene is relatively low. The situation of a character being asked to handle paperwork related to a murder is a familiar one in crime dramas. However, the authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds a layer of realism to the scene.


            Character Development

            Characters: 8

            The characters' reactions to the news of Sam Hess's murder and the inheritance twist are believable and emotionally charged. Their actions and dialogue contribute to the tension and conflict in the scene.

            Character Changes: 8

            Mickey undergoes a significant change in the scene, transitioning from indifference towards Sam Hess's death to violent anger. This change sets up potential character development and future conflicts.

            Internal Goal: 8

            The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to conceal his involvement in the murder of Sam Hess and maintain a facade of innocence. This reflects Lester's deeper fear of being caught and his desire to protect himself from the consequences of his actions.

            External Goal: 7

            The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to pull the insurance policy for Sam Hess, who has been murdered. This reflects the immediate circumstance of Bo needing the policy for a phone call with Sam's wife and the challenge of handling the situation professionally despite Lester's personal connection to the victim.


            Scene Elements

            Conflict Level: 9

            The conflict in the scene is high, with the revelation of Sam Hess's murder and the inheritance twist causing emotional turmoil and leading to physical violence.

            Opposition: 7

            The opposition in this scene is moderate. Lester faces the opposition of having to handle the insurance policy for a murder victim while concealing his involvement in the crime. The audience is unsure of how Lester will navigate this challenge, creating a sense of tension and uncertainty.

            High Stakes: 9

            The stakes are high in the scene, with the murder of Sam Hess and the inheritance twist impacting the characters' lives and potentially leading to further violence and conflicts.

            Story Forward: 9

            The scene moves the story forward by revealing important information about Sam Hess's murder and the inheritance twist. It raises new questions and sets up future conflicts and developments.

            Unpredictability: 6

            This scene is somewhat unpredictable because the audience is unsure of how Lester will react to the news of Sam Hess' murder and how he will handle the insurance policy request. However, the overall outcome is still within the realm of expectations for a crime drama.

            Philosophical Conflict: 0

            There is no evident philosophical conflict in this scene.


            Audience Engagement

            Emotional Impact: 9

            The scene evokes strong emotions through the characters' reactions to the shocking news. It elicits sympathy for Gina's grief and anger towards Mickey's violent actions.

            Dialogue: 7

            The dialogue effectively conveys the characters' emotions and reactions to the shocking news. It reveals their relationships and motivations, but could benefit from more depth and complexity.

            Engagement: 7

            This scene is engaging because it introduces a significant plot development (the murder of Sam Hess) and creates tension through the protagonist's internal conflict. The audience is compelled to learn more about Lester's involvement and how he will navigate the situation.

            Pacing: 8

            The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and maintaining the audience's interest. The dialogue exchanges are paced to allow for moments of suspense and reflection, while the narrative description keeps the scene moving forward.


            Technical Aspect

            Formatting: 9

            The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. The scene heading, character names, dialogue, and action lines are all properly formatted.

            Structure: 8

            The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It begins with an establishing shot and then moves into a series of dialogue exchanges between the characters. The scene ends with a cut to a new location.


            Critique
            • The scene starts abruptly without any transition from the previous scene, which can be disorienting for the audience.
            • The dialogue feels a bit forced and lacks naturalness. The characters' lines sound too scripted and don't flow smoothly.
            • There is a missed opportunity to explore Lester's emotional reaction to the news of Sam Hess's death. The description only mentions the color going out of his face, but there is no further exploration of his feelings.
            • The scene lacks visual elements and actions, making it feel static and unengaging.
            • The pacing of the scene is slow, with long pauses between lines of dialogue.
            • The scene doesn't contribute much to the overall plot or character development. It feels like filler material rather than a meaningful scene.
            • The transition at the end of the scene is abrupt and doesn't provide a clear connection to the next scene.
            Suggestions
            • Consider adding a transitional element or a brief recap of the previous scene to provide context and help the audience orient themselves.
            • Work on making the dialogue more natural and conversational. Add subtext and layers to the characters' lines to make them feel more authentic.
            • Explore Lester's emotional reaction to the news of Sam Hess's death. Show his internal conflict and conflicting emotions to make the scene more engaging.
            • Introduce visual elements or actions to make the scene more dynamic and visually interesting.
            • Improve the pacing by tightening the dialogue and reducing unnecessary pauses.
            • Ensure that each scene contributes meaningfully to the overall plot and character development. Cut or rewrite scenes that feel like filler material.
            • Create a smoother transition at the end of the scene to provide a clear connection to the next scene.



            Scene 28 -  Confrontation at Arby's
            INT. ARBY’S. SAINT CLOUD, MINNESOTA - DAY

            Lorne Malvo sits at a formica table, finishing his meal.
            Lester comes in, hat on, agitated. Malvo recognizes him.

            MALVO
            Lester.

            Lester comes over.

            LESTER NYGAARD
            Did you -- geez.
            (leans in)
            Did you really kill him?
            (almost can’t say it)
            Sam.

            MALVO
            Oh my god. Is Sam dead?
            (off Lester)
            How do you feel about that?

            LESTER NYGAARD
            I mean, of course. It’s -- ya
            know, tragic --

            MALVO
            Then why’d you kill him?

            LESTER NYGAARD
            (too loud)
            Now hold on a second.

            Lester looks around, sits.

            LESTER NYGAARD (CONT’D)
            (quiet)
            I never --

            MALVO
            You did actually. Remember? Yes or
            no.
            44.


            LESTER NYGAARD
            (hisses)
            I never said yes.

            MALVO
            Well, you didn’t say no.

            Beat. Lester is tied up in knots.

            LESTER NYGAARD
            Now, that’s not -- that won’t -- in
            a court a law -- that won’t --

            MALVO
            (dangerous)
            Who said anything about a court of
            law?

            LESTER NYGAARD
            No. I just mean -- Aw geez. He had
            a wife. And those boys.

            MALVO
            He put you in a barrel and rolled
            you in the road. Your problem is,
            you lived your whole life thinking
            there are rules. There aren’t. We
            used to be gorillas. All we ever
            had was what we could take and
            defend. The truth is, you’re more
            of a man today than you were
            yesterday.

            LESTER NYGAARD
            How do ya figure?

            MALVO
            It’s a red tide, Lester. This life
            of ours. The shit they make us
            eat. Day after day -- the boss,
            the wife, etcetera -- wearin’ us
            down. If you don’t stand up to it -
            - show ‘em you’re still an ape
            deep down where it counts -- you’re
            just gonna get washed away.

            Off Lester: this resonates.

            CUT TO:
            Genres: ["Crime","Drama","Thriller"]

            Summary Lorne Malvo confronts Lester Nygaard at an Arby's restaurant in Saint Cloud, accusing him of killing Sam. Despite Lester's denial, Malvo challenges his perception of rules in life and societal pressures. The tense conversation leaves Lester both terrified and strangely empowered.
            Strengths
            • Tense dialogue
            • Psychological manipulation
            • Character development
            • Building tension
            Weaknesses

              Ratings
              Overall

              Overall: 9

              The scene is highly engaging and effectively builds tension through the dialogue and the interaction between the characters. The confrontation between Lester and Malvo is gripping and leaves the audience on edge.


              Story Content

              Concept: 8

              The concept of the scene revolves around the exploration of moral ambiguity and the manipulation of characters. It delves into the idea that there are no clear rules in life and that individuals must assert their dominance to survive.

              Plot: 8

              The plot of the scene revolves around the revelation of Sam Hess's murder and the confrontation between Lester and Malvo. It effectively advances the overall plot by deepening the conflict and raising the stakes for the characters.

              Originality: 7

              The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While the situation of a character grappling with guilt and facing an antagonist is familiar, the specific dialogue and character dynamics bring a fresh approach to the scene. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality.


              Character Development

              Characters: 9

              The characters in the scene, particularly Lester and Malvo, are well-developed and their motivations and actions are intriguing. Their interaction creates a sense of tension and unpredictability.

              Character Changes: 9

              Lester experiences a significant character change in the scene as he begins to embrace his primal instincts and assert his dominance. This sets him on a new path and drives his actions in the subsequent events.

              Internal Goal: 8

              The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to come to terms with the fact that he killed someone. It reflects his deeper need for self-justification and his fear of facing the consequences of his actions.

              External Goal: 7

              The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to defend himself and deny his involvement in the murder. It reflects the immediate challenge of trying to avoid being implicated in the crime.


              Scene Elements

              Conflict Level: 9

              The conflict in the scene is high, both in terms of the physical confrontation between Lester and Malvo and the psychological power struggle between them.

              Opposition: 8

              The opposition in this scene is strong as the antagonist challenges the protagonist's beliefs and forces him to confront his actions. The audience is unsure how the confrontation will unfold, adding to the tension.

              High Stakes: 10

              The stakes in the scene are high as Lester confronts the man who may have killed Sam Hess. The outcome of their interaction has significant consequences for Lester's future.

              Story Forward: 9

              The scene moves the story forward by revealing Sam Hess's murder and deepening the conflict between the characters. It sets the stage for further developments and escalates the tension.

              Unpredictability: 8

              This scene is unpredictable because the audience is unsure how the protagonist will respond to the antagonist's accusations. The dialogue and character dynamics create a sense of uncertainty and tension.

              Philosophical Conflict: 9

              The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the clash between the protagonist's belief in rules and order versus the antagonist's belief in survival of the fittest and taking what one wants. This challenges the protagonist's values and worldview, forcing him to question his own beliefs.


              Audience Engagement

              Emotional Impact: 8

              The scene evokes a range of emotions, including tension, fear, and intrigue. The audience is emotionally invested in the outcome of the confrontation between Lester and Malvo.

              Dialogue: 10

              The dialogue in the scene is sharp, intense, and filled with subtext. It effectively conveys the power dynamics and psychological manipulation between Lester and Malvo.

              Engagement: 9

              This scene is engaging because of the intense dialogue exchanges between the characters. The tension and conflict keep the audience invested in the outcome of the conversation.

              Pacing: 9

              The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by gradually building tension through the dialogue exchanges. The rhythm of the scene keeps the audience engaged and invested in the characters' interactions.


              Technical Aspect

              Formatting: 9

              The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It uses standard scene headings, action lines, and dialogue formatting.

              Structure: 9

              The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It begins with an establishing shot, introduces the characters, and progresses through a series of dialogue exchanges that build tension and reveal information.


              Critique
              • The scene lacks clear objectives for both characters. It is unclear what Lester wants from Malvo and what Malvo wants from Lester. This lack of clarity makes the dialogue feel aimless and unfocused.
              • The dialogue feels unnatural and forced at times. The characters' reactions and responses do not always feel authentic or believable.
              • The scene lacks visual elements and actions, which makes it visually uninteresting and static.
              • The emotional tone of the scene is inconsistent. It starts off tense and confrontational, but then shifts to a more philosophical and introspective tone. This shift feels abrupt and disjointed.
              • The scene does not effectively advance the plot or develop the characters. It feels like a standalone conversation that does not contribute to the overall story.
              • The scene lacks subtext and depth. The dialogue is mostly on-the-nose and does not leave much room for interpretation or nuance.
              Suggestions
              • Clarify the objectives of both characters in the scene. What does Lester want from Malvo? What does Malvo want from Lester? This will help give the scene a clear direction and purpose.
              • Rewrite the dialogue to make it more natural and authentic. Consider how the characters would realistically respond to each other's statements and questions.
              • Introduce visual elements and actions to make the scene more visually engaging. This could include gestures, facial expressions, or movements that reflect the characters' emotions and intentions.
              • Ensure consistency in the emotional tone of the scene. If the scene starts off tense and confrontational, maintain that tone throughout. If there is a shift in tone, make it more gradual and seamless.
              • Make sure the scene serves a purpose in the overall story. It should either advance the plot, develop the characters, or reveal important information. If it does not contribute to the story, consider removing or reworking it.
              • Add subtext and depth to the dialogue. Leave room for interpretation and allow the audience to read between the lines. This will make the scene more engaging and thought-provoking.



              Scene 29 -  Investigating Head Injuries
              INT. NURSE’S STATION. EMERGENCY ROOM. SAINT CLOUD, MN - DAY

              Molly enters, approaches the nurse’s station. SUE ROUNDTREE
              (30s), the same nurse from earlier, is working.
              45.


              MOLLY
              Slow day.

              SUE ROUNDTREE
              Bars just opened. Wait an hour.

              Molly takes off her gloves and hat.

              MOLLY
              How’s the Hess boy?

              SUE ROUNDTREE
              The which now?

              MOLLY
              Brother attacked him with a hockey
              stick.

              SUE ROUNDTREE
              Oh, Sure. Outta surgery. Doctor
              had to drill holes in his head, on
              account of the swelling. May have
              some brain damage is what I heard.

              MOLLY
              That’s a shame. With their dad
              dead and all.

              SUE ROUNDTREE
              Family.

              MOLLY
              Ya.

              Beat. Small talk over, Molly gets to the real reason she
              came.

              MOLLY (CONT’D)
              Say, while I’m here -- we found a
              car wreck out by Moose Lake
              yesterday morning.

              SUE ROUNDTREE
              Icy out there.

              MOLLY
              Sure is. Here’s the thing though.
              The windshield was cracked. There
              was blood and all, but no driver.
              So I’m wondering -- you see any
              head injuries in the last day or
              so, coulda been caused by those
              circumstances.
              46.


              SUE ROUNDTREE
              There was this one fella.

              MOLLY
              Oh ya?

              SUE ROUNDTREE
              Ya. Looked like he banged his head
              real bad, but wouldn’t give ID. So
              we couldn’t treat him.

              MOLLY
              Can you describe him?

              SUE ROUNDTREE
              Real intense. Average height.
              Brown pants, if that helps.

              Molly takes out her notepad, writes.

              MOLLY
              Brown pants. Anything else?

              SUE ROUNDTREE
              Just real intense. His eyes, ya
              know?
              (beat)
              Oh, and he was talkin’ ta this
              other fella.

              MOLLY
              Other fella.

              SUE ROUNDTREE
              Ya. Here for a broken nose. Looked
              like they were maybe havin’ an
              argument.

              MOLLY
              Ya don’t say.

              Sue looks through her files.

              SUE ROUNDTREE
              Lester Nygaard. He was here around
              four in the P.M.

              MOLLY
              You remember what they were arguing
              about?
              47.


              SUE ROUNDTREE
              Well, ya know, it’s funny, but I
              wanna say they were arguing about
              that dead fella.

              MOLLY
              Who?

              SUE ROUNDTREE
              Hess.

              MOLLY
              (that’s interesting)
              Really.

              SUE ROUNDTREE
              (nodding)
              Ya. Heard ‘em say his name. Is
              that, like, a lead?

              MOLLY
              Oh ya.

              Molly nods absently for a moment, thinking jackpot.

              CUT TO:
              Genres: ["Crime","Drama","Thriller"]

              Summary Molly enters the nurse's station and talks to Sue Roundtree about the Hess boy who was attacked with a hockey stick. They discuss his surgery and the possibility of brain damage. Molly then asks about a car wreck and describes a man with head injuries. Sue remembers a man named Lester Nygaard who was arguing with another man about the dead fella, Hess. Molly considers this a lead. The scene ends with Molly realizing that the information about Lester Nygaard and the argument is a potential lead.
              Strengths
              • Tense dialogue
              • Intriguing investigation
              • Well-developed characters
              Weaknesses
              • Limited emotional impact
              • Minimal character change

              Ratings
              Overall

              Overall: 8

              The scene effectively builds tension and intrigue through the dialogue and reveals important information about the ongoing investigation. The intense conversation between Molly and Sue adds depth to the story and keeps the audience engaged.


              Story Content

              Concept: 7

              The concept of investigating the attack on the Hess boy and connecting it to the car wreck at Moose Lake is intriguing and adds complexity to the plot. It raises questions and keeps the audience guessing about the connections between the characters.

              Plot: 8

              The plot progresses as Molly gathers information about the car wreck and the possible connection to the attack on the Hess boy. The scene adds depth to the overall story and raises the stakes for the characters involved.

              Originality: 6

              The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While the situation of investigating a car wreck and gathering information is familiar, the specific details and dialogue exchanges between the characters add a fresh approach. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue contributes to the originality of the scene.


              Character Development

              Characters: 9

              The characters in this scene, particularly Molly and Sue, are well-developed and their interactions reveal their personalities and motivations. Molly's determination and Sue's helpfulness add depth to the story.

              Character Changes: 6

              There is minimal character change in this scene, as it primarily focuses on gathering information and advancing the investigation. However, Molly's determination and Sue's helpfulness showcase their consistent traits.

              Internal Goal: 8

              Molly's internal goal in this scene is to gather information about the car wreck and the potential head injuries. This reflects her desire to solve the case and find the missing driver. It also reflects her dedication to her job as a police officer and her determination to uncover the truth.

              External Goal: 7

              Molly's external goal in this scene is to gather information about the car wreck and the potential head injuries in order to progress in her investigation. It reflects the immediate challenge of finding leads and evidence related to the case.


              Scene Elements

              Conflict Level: 7

              There is a subtle conflict in the scene as Molly tries to gather information from Sue, who is initially reluctant to share details. The conflict adds tension and keeps the audience engaged.

              Opposition: 6

              The opposition in this scene is moderate. While there is a small obstacle in the form of the missing driver and the need to gather information, the audience is not left in complete suspense as the conversation between Molly and Sue provides some answers.

              High Stakes: 7

              The stakes are relatively high in this scene as the investigation into the attack on the Hess boy intensifies. The mention of brain damage and the connection to the car wreck raises the stakes and adds urgency to the story.

              Story Forward: 8

              The scene moves the story forward by introducing a new lead in the investigation and raising questions about the connection between the attack on the Hess boy and the car wreck at Moose Lake. It adds depth to the overall plot and keeps the audience engaged.

              Unpredictability: 7

              This scene is unpredictable because it introduces new information about the car wreck and the potential head injuries, which adds a layer of mystery to the overall narrative. The audience is left wondering about the connection between the car wreck and the Hess family.

              Philosophical Conflict: 0

              There is no evident philosophical conflict in this scene.


              Audience Engagement

              Emotional Impact: 6

              The emotional impact of the scene is relatively low, as it focuses more on building tension and intrigue. However, the mention of the Hess boy's condition and the impact of violence on families adds a layer of empathy.

              Dialogue: 8

              The dialogue in this scene is engaging and reveals important information about the investigation. The conversation between Molly and Sue is tense and mysterious, keeping the audience intrigued.

              Engagement: 9

              This scene is engaging because it presents a mystery and the audience is invested in finding out more about the car wreck and the missing driver. The dialogue exchanges between Molly and Sue create tension and intrigue.

              Pacing: 8

              The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by maintaining a steady rhythm. The dialogue exchanges are well-timed and keep the audience engaged. The scene progresses smoothly without any unnecessary delays.


              Technical Aspect

              Formatting: 9

              The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It uses proper scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting. The action lines are clear and concise.

              Structure: 8

              The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It begins with a clear location and time description, introduces the characters, and progresses through a conversation that reveals important information for the investigation.


              Critique
              • The scene lacks a clear objective for Molly. It is not clear why she is at the nurse's station or what she hopes to achieve.
              • The dialogue feels forced and unnatural, lacking in subtext or depth.
              • There is a lack of tension or conflict in the scene, making it feel flat and uninteresting.
              • The scene lacks visual elements or actions to engage the reader and bring the scene to life.
              • The transition between scenes is abrupt and could be smoother.
              Suggestions
              • Give Molly a clear objective in the scene, such as trying to gather information about the car wreck or investigating the connection to the Hess family.
              • Work on the dialogue to make it more natural and engaging. Add subtext and depth to the conversation between Molly and Sue.
              • Introduce some conflict or tension in the scene to make it more interesting. This could be through a disagreement between Molly and Sue or by adding a sense of urgency to Molly's mission.
              • Include visual elements or actions to make the scene more dynamic and engaging. This could be through Molly observing something in the hospital or interacting with the environment.
              • Smooth out the transition between scenes to create a more seamless flow.



              Scene 30 -  Excitement for the Baby
              INT. SAINT CLOUD POLICE STATION, SAINT CLOUD, MN - DAY

              Vern sits in his office, eating take out. DEPUTY BILL OLSEN
              knocks.

              BILL
              Phone call, chief. It’s the wife.

              Vern picks up the phone.

              VERN
              Hey hon.

              INTERCUT WITH:

              INT. THURMAN HOUSE. SAINT CLOUD, MINNESOTA - SAME TIME

              Ida is in the kitchen.

              IDA
              White.

              VERN
              White what?
              48.


              IDA
              I decided. We’re gonna paint the
              nursery white.

              VERN
              It’s already white.

              IDA
              White on purpose.

              VERN
              New coat.

              IDA
              Yah.

              VERN
              Any particular shade?

              IDA
              What do ya mean?

              VERN
              Well, ya got yer bright white, yer
              snow white.

              BILL
              (hasn’t left)
              Eggshell.

              VERN
              Right. There’s eggshell.

              IDA
              Oh. Hadn’t thoughta those.

              Vern realizes he’s opened a whole other can of worms.

              VERN
              Tell ya what. Why don’t I stop at
              the Home Depot, pick up some
              different shades and we’ll figure
              it out tonight?

              IDA
              We’re havin’ a baby, Vern.

              VERN
              That’s true.

              IDA
              No. I mean, it’s finally sinkin’
              in. We’re gonna have a baby.
              49.


              VERN
              (beat, happy)
              I can’t wait. See ya soon.

              He hangs up.

              CUT TO:
              Genres: ["Crime","Drama","Thriller"]

              Summary Vern is interrupted by Deputy Bill Olsen with a phone call from his wife, Ida. Ida and Vern discuss the color of the nursery and express their excitement about having a baby. Vern hangs up the phone.
              Strengths
              • Compelling dialogue
              • Strong character development
              • Tense atmosphere
              Weaknesses
              • Limited action

              Ratings
              Overall

              Overall: 9

              The scene effectively combines elements of suspense, character development, and thematic exploration to create a compelling and engaging sequence.


              Story Content

              Concept: 8

              The concept of exploring the aftermath of a murder and the impact it has on various characters is intriguing and well-executed.

              Plot: 9

              The plot progresses significantly in this scene, with new information and conflicts introduced that will likely have a significant impact on the story's direction.

              Originality: 7

              The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While the situation of a couple discussing nursery colors is familiar, the dialogue and character interactions feel authentic and unique. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


              Character Development

              Characters: 9

              The characters are well-developed and their reactions to the events unfolding in the scene feel authentic and compelling.

              Character Changes: 8

              Lester experiences a significant shift in his emotions and mindset throughout the scene, moving from terror to a sense of empowerment.

              Internal Goal: 8

              The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to connect with his wife and share in the excitement of their upcoming baby. This reflects Vern's deeper need for emotional connection and his desire to be a supportive partner and father.

              External Goal: 6

              The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to decide on a color to paint the nursery. This reflects the immediate circumstances of preparing for the baby's arrival and the challenge of making decisions together as a couple.


              Scene Elements

              Conflict Level: 9

              There is a high level of conflict in the scene, both in terms of external conflicts (murder investigation) and internal conflicts (Lester's internal struggle).

              Opposition: 3

              The opposition in this scene is minimal, as the conversation between Vern and Ida is mostly harmonious and focused on making decisions together. There is no significant obstacle or conflict that creates tension.

              High Stakes: 9

              The stakes are high in the scene, with a murder investigation, personal revelations, and the potential consequences of past actions all at play.

              Story Forward: 9

              The scene moves the story forward by introducing new conflicts, deepening character development, and setting up future plot developments.

              Unpredictability: 4

              This scene is predictable because it focuses on a familiar topic and does not introduce any unexpected twists or surprises.

              Philosophical Conflict: 0

              There is no evident philosophical conflict in this scene.


              Audience Engagement

              Emotional Impact: 8

              The scene evokes a range of emotions, from fear and tension to excitement and reflection, creating a strong emotional impact on the audience.

              Dialogue: 8

              The dialogue is tense and thought-provoking, effectively conveying the conflicting perspectives of the characters and adding depth to their interactions.

              Engagement: 8

              This scene is engaging because it captures a relatable and emotionally charged moment between two characters. The dialogue and interactions between Vern and Ida create a sense of intimacy and anticipation.

              Pacing: 8

              The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by allowing the dialogue to flow naturally and creating a sense of intimacy. The rhythm of the conversation reflects the characters' emotions and builds anticipation.


              Technical Aspect

              Formatting: 9

              The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. The scene headings, character names, dialogue, and action descriptions are properly formatted and easy to follow.

              Structure: 9

              The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It establishes the location, introduces the characters, and progresses the conversation in a logical and coherent manner.


              Critique
              • This scene feels disconnected from the previous scenes and does not advance the main plot or conflicts.
              • The dialogue between Vern and Ida about painting the nursery white feels irrelevant and does not contribute to the overall story.
              • There is a lack of tension or conflict in this scene, which is inconsistent with the tense and mysterious tone established in the previous scenes.
              • The scene does not provide any significant visual elements or actions to engage the reader or viewer.
              • The phone call between Vern and Ida does not reveal any new information or develop the characters in a meaningful way.
              Suggestions
              • Consider removing this scene altogether as it does not contribute to the overall story or advance the plot.
              • If the scene is necessary, rewrite the dialogue to include conflict or tension that aligns with the tone and conflicts established in the previous scenes.
              • Introduce visual elements or actions that enhance the scene and engage the reader or viewer.
              • Use the phone call between Vern and Ida to reveal new information or develop the characters in a meaningful way.



              Scene 31 -  Investigating a Potential Connection
              INT. VERN’S CAR (TRAVELING). ST. CLOUD, MINNESOTA - NIGHT

              Vern pulls into the Home Depot parking lot. His radio
              squawks.

              MOLLY
              Come in, Chief.

              Vern picks up the handset.

              VERN
              This is Vern, go ahead.

              INTERCUT WITH:

              EXT. HOSPITAL. ST. CLOUD, MN - SAME TIME

              Molly stands beside her prowler outside the hospital.

              MOLLY
              Chief, I’m over at the hospital. I
              was checkin on the Hess boy and --

              VERN
              How is he?

              MOLLY
              Uh, he’s, uh -- you know, there
              could be some brain damage.

              VERN
              That’s a shame.

              MOLLY
              Ya. Hey, so I got ta talkin to Sue
              Roundtree, and I asked her if
              they’d had any head injuries lately
              -- ya know my theory about the
              driver in that wreck -- and Sue
              says they did yesterday. A
              peculiar fella, she says. Real
              intense. And here’s where it gets
              interesting. Cause she says the
              fella with the head injury was
              talkin to another fella. About Sam
              Hess.
              50.


              VERN
              Oh yeah?

              MOLLY
              Yessir. Says the two was thick as
              thieves. So suddenly I’m thinking,
              maybe these two cases, maybe
              they’re connected, huh?

              VERN
              (impressed)
              Could be. She say who the other
              fella was?

              MOLLY
              (looks in her pad)
              Lester Nygaard.

              VERN
              Really.

              MOLLY
              You know him.

              VERN
              Sure. I know Lester. Sells
              insurance over at Bo’s shop.

              MOLLY
              Ya. I called over. They’re closed.
              So I was gonna go by Lester’s
              place.

              VERN
              No. I know Lester. I’ll do it.
              You call it a day. Good work.

              CUT TO:
              Genres: ["Crime","Drama","Thriller"]

              Summary Vern pulls into the Home Depot parking lot and receives a radio call from Molly who is at the hospital. Molly informs Vern about a potential connection between the head injury case and Sam Hess. Vern decides to investigate Lester Nygaard, who works at Bo's shop. The conflict arises when Molly discovers the connection, but it is resolved when Vern decides to investigate Lester. The scene ends with Vern telling Molly to call it a day.
              Strengths
              • Building tension
              • Intriguing plot development
              • Engaging dialogue
              Weaknesses

                Ratings
                Overall

                Overall: 9

                The scene effectively builds tension and intrigue by connecting the dots between the two cases and introducing a potential suspect. The dialogue is engaging and the tone creates a sense of fear and empowerment.


                Story Content

                Concept: 8

                The concept of connecting seemingly unrelated cases and introducing a suspect is intriguing and keeps the audience engaged.

                Plot: 9

                The plot progresses significantly as the connection between the cases is established and a potential suspect is introduced.

                Originality: 6

                The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While the situation of investigating potential connections between head injury cases is not entirely unique, the specific details and dialogue add authenticity to the characters' actions and make the scene feel fresh.


                Character Development

                Characters: 8

                The characters are well-developed and their interactions create tension and intrigue.

                Character Changes: 7

                Lester experiences a shift in his emotions, feeling both terrified and strangely empowered by Malvo's words.

                Internal Goal: 8

                The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to uncover any potential connections between the head injury cases and the ongoing investigation. This reflects their desire to solve the case and their dedication to their job as a police officer.

                External Goal: 7

                The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to gather information about Lester Nygaard and his potential involvement in the case. This reflects the immediate circumstances and challenges they are facing in the investigation.


                Scene Elements

                Conflict Level: 8

                There is a significant level of conflict in the scene, both in terms of the tension between characters and the potential connection between the cases.

                Opposition: 8

                The opposition in this scene is strong as the protagonist faces the challenge of uncovering the truth behind the head injury cases and their potential connection to the investigation. The audience is unsure of how the protagonist will navigate this obstacle.

                High Stakes: 8

                The stakes are high as the scene introduces the possibility of a suspect and connects the cases, potentially leading to a resolution.

                Story Forward: 9

                The scene significantly moves the story forward by establishing a connection between the cases and introducing a potential suspect.

                Unpredictability: 7

                This scene is unpredictable because it introduces new information and raises the possibility of a connection between the head injury cases and the ongoing investigation. The audience is left wondering how this new development will impact the protagonist's actions.

                Philosophical Conflict: 0

                There is no evident philosophical conflict in this scene.


                Audience Engagement

                Emotional Impact: 8

                The scene evokes fear, intrigue, and a sense of empowerment, creating an emotional impact on the audience.

                Dialogue: 9

                The dialogue is engaging and effectively conveys the tension and fear felt by the characters.

                Engagement: 8

                This scene is engaging because it presents new information and raises questions about the potential connection between the head injury cases and the protagonist's investigation. The dialogue is fast-paced and keeps the audience interested in the unfolding events.

                Pacing: 9

                The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by maintaining a fast pace through concise dialogue and intercutting between locations. This keeps the audience engaged and creates a sense of urgency.


                Technical Aspect

                Formatting: 9

                The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. The scene headings, character names, and dialogue are properly formatted, making it easy to read and understand.

                Structure: 9

                The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It begins with an establishing shot and then alternates between two locations through intercutting. The dialogue is clear and concise, driving the scene forward.


                Critique
                • The scene lacks visual elements and actions, making it feel static and unengaging.
                • The dialogue is mostly exposition and lacks depth or emotional impact.
                • The scene lacks conflict and tension, which makes it feel uninteresting.
                • The scene lacks a clear purpose or goal for the characters, making it feel aimless.
                • The scene lacks character development or meaningful interactions between the characters.
                Suggestions
                • Introduce visual elements or actions to make the scene more dynamic and engaging. For example, Vern could be fidgeting with the radio or looking around the parking lot.
                • Add depth and emotional impact to the dialogue by exploring the characters' thoughts, feelings, and motivations. For example, Vern could express concern for the Hess boy's condition or Molly could show frustration at the lack of progress in the investigation.
                • Introduce conflict and tension into the scene to make it more interesting. For example, Vern could disagree with Molly's theory or they could have a difference of opinion on how to proceed with the investigation.
                • Give the scene a clear purpose or goal for the characters to achieve. For example, Vern could be on a mission to gather evidence or Molly could be trying to convince Vern of her theory.
                • Develop the characters and their interactions to make the scene more engaging. For example, Vern and Molly could have a history or personal connection that adds depth to their conversation.



                Scene 32 -  A Fatal Repair Attempt
                INT. KITCHEN. NYGAARD HOUSE. SAINT CLOUD, MN - NIGHT

                Pearl comes home, sees Lester’s coat.

                PEARL
                Lester?

                LESTER NYGAARD (O.S.)
                (calling)
                In the basement.

                CUT TO:
                51.


                INT. BASEMENT. NYGAARD HOUSE. SAINT CLOUD, MINNESOTA - NIGHT

                Pearl comes downstairs. Lester has his tool kit out. He’s
                trying to fix the washing machine.

                PEARL
                Whatcha doin’, hon?

                LESTER NYGAARD
                Trying ta fix the darn thing.
                Looks like the motor mount broke.

                PEARL
                Ya sure ya know what yer doin’?

                LESTER NYGAARD
                Seems pretty straight forward.

                He puts the screwdriver down.

                LESTER NYGAARD (CONT’D)
                Okay. Give that a try.

                PEARL
                But there’s nothing in it.

                LESTER NYGAARD
                I’m sayin’ just fer a test.

                Pearl turns the machine on. Beat. It fills with water, then
                the agitator kicks in. A harsh shriek fills the air.

                LESTER NYGAARD (CONT’D)
                (panicked)
                Turn it off.

                Pearl tries to turn it off. The shriek worsens. SMOKE
                starts to pour out of the back of the washing machine.
                Lester finally pulls the plug. The shriek fades slowly, as
                the engine cycles down.

                They stare at the now dead washing machine.

                LESTER NYGAARD (CONT’D)
                Well --

                PEARL
                You killed it.

                LESTER NYGAARD
                I, uh --

                PEARL
                You killed my washing machine.
                52.


                LESTER NYGAARD
                It’s -- I was -- ya know, the tide.
                I was standing up to the -- I was
                bein’ a man.

                PEARL
                But yer not a man, Lester. Yer not
                even half a man.

                Lester stares at her, his nuts cut once again.

                PEARL (CONT’D)
                Honestly. I don’t know what got
                into me, marrying you. My mom
                said, don’t do it, Pearl. She
                said, he’s the kind of boy who
                loses all the time. And you know
                what those boys grow up ta be,
                don’t ya? Losers.

                LESTER

                Looks at his tools.

                ANGLE ON A CLAW HAMMER

                Resting on top of the tool box.

                LESTER NYGAARD
                Take it back.

                PEARL
                Or what? What are you gonna do?
                Ya can’t even face me when we’re
                having sex.

                LESTER NYGAARD
                What? It’s you not facin’ me.

                PEARL
                Well, yah. So I can picture a real
                man.

                LESTER NYGAARD
                Now that’s not very nice.

                PEARL
                Loser.

                Lester picks up the claw hammer. He walks towards Pearl.

                PEARL (CONT’D)
                What are you doon? You gonna hit
                me with a hammer? That’s a laugh.
                53.


                The first blow catches her by surprise. The pain of it, the
                blood that runs down her face. The moment hangs there. Then
                Lester BEATS HER TO DEATH with the hammer. Each blow is a
                release. Eventually, he stops. Stands there panting.
                Slowly the red haze lifts. He looks down at his blood
                spattered clothes.

                LESTER NYGAARD
                Aw geez.

                He is about to panic, when he looks up.

                CLOSE UP ON AN INSPIRATIONAL POSTER

                taped to a bare concrete wall. On it a school of yellow fish
                all face the same direction, except one. The poster reads
                There’s Always One. Be the One.

                LESTER

                Stares at it. As he does, an idea hits him. A brilliant,
                dangerous plan. Could he really do it? As we watch, Lester
                strips off his clothes, shoves them in a garbage bag.

                Carefully Lester wipes the handle of the claw hammer to
                remove his finger prints. Over this we hear:

                LESTER NYGAARD (O.S.) (CONT’D)
                (pre-lap, distraught)
                Ya, it’s me. I -- you need ta -- I
                need help.

                CUT TO:
                Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

                Summary Pearl berates Lester for his failed attempt to fix the washing machine, leading to a violent outburst where Lester beats Pearl to death with a hammer. Afterward, he cleans the hammer and makes a distressed phone call for help.
                Strengths
                • Intense and impactful
                • Strong character development
                • Effective dialogue
                Weaknesses
                • None

                Ratings
                Overall

                Overall: 9

                The scene is highly impactful and intense, effectively conveying the transformation of Lester's character and the escalation of conflict.


                Story Content

                Concept: 8

                The concept of a character reaching their breaking point and resorting to violence is not entirely unique, but the execution and the way it ties into the overall story is compelling.

                Plot: 9

                The plot of the scene is crucial in showcasing Lester's descent into darkness and setting up future events in the story.

                Originality: 6

                The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While the situation of a domestic argument and the theme of masculinity are familiar, the specific actions and dialogue of the characters feel authentic and unique. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


                Character Development

                Characters: 9

                The characters in the scene, particularly Lester and Pearl, are well-developed and their interactions drive the emotional impact of the scene.

                Character Changes: 9

                Lester undergoes a significant character change, transitioning from a meek and timid individual to a violent and desperate man.

                Internal Goal: 8

                The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to assert his masculinity and prove himself as a man. This reflects his deeper need for validation and his fear of being seen as a loser.

                External Goal: 7

                The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to fix the washing machine. This reflects the immediate challenge he is facing.


                Scene Elements

                Conflict Level: 10

                The conflict in the scene is intense and reaches its peak with Lester's violent act.

                Opposition: 9

                The opposition in this scene is strong as the protagonist faces conflict with his wife and ultimately resorts to violence. The audience is unsure of how the situation will unfold.

                High Stakes: 10

                The stakes are incredibly high in the scene, as Lester's violent act has severe consequences for his future and the lives of those around him.

                Story Forward: 8

                The scene moves the story forward by establishing the consequences of Lester's actions and setting up future conflicts.

                Unpredictability: 8

                This scene is unpredictable because it takes a sudden and unexpected turn with the protagonist beating his wife to death. The audience does not anticipate this outcome.

                Philosophical Conflict: 7

                There is a philosophical conflict evident in this scene between the protagonist's belief in his own masculinity and his wife's belief that he is a loser. This challenges the protagonist's values and worldview.


                Audience Engagement

                Emotional Impact: 10

                The scene elicits strong emotions from the audience, particularly fear, tension, and shock.

                Dialogue: 8

                The dialogue effectively conveys the tension and power dynamics between Lester and Pearl, as well as Lester's internal struggle.

                Engagement: 9

                This scene is engaging because it presents a conflict between the characters and builds tension through their dialogue and actions. The dramatic twist at the end adds to the engagement level.

                Pacing: 9

                The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by gradually building tension and then delivering a shocking and impactful moment. The rhythm of the dialogue and actions adds to the overall pacing.


                Technical Aspect

                Formatting: 9

                The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It includes scene headings, character names, dialogue, and action descriptions in the correct format.

                Structure: 8

                The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It begins with an establishing shot, followed by a series of dialogue exchanges and actions, and ends with a dramatic twist.


                Critique
                • The scene lacks clear conflict and tension. It starts off with Pearl coming home and Lester trying to fix the washing machine, but there is no sense of urgency or stakes in this interaction.
                • The dialogue feels flat and lacks depth. The conversation between Pearl and Lester about fixing the washing machine is mundane and does not reveal much about their characters or their relationship.
                • The escalation of violence at the end of the scene feels abrupt and out of place. There is no build-up or foreshadowing to Lester's sudden act of murder, which makes it feel forced and unrealistic.
                • The transition from Lester beating Pearl to him looking at the inspirational poster and coming up with a plan is not clear. It is unclear how the poster inspires him or how it relates to his decision to cover up the murder.
                • The scene lacks visual elements and actions, which makes it feel static and uninteresting.
                Suggestions
                • Introduce clear conflict and tension in the scene. Perhaps Pearl could express frustration with Lester's inability to fix the washing machine, leading to an argument that escalates the tension between them.
                • Develop the dialogue to reveal more about Pearl and Lester's characters and their relationship. Use their conversation to show their underlying dissatisfaction and resentment towards each other.
                • Foreshadow Lester's violent tendencies earlier in the scene to make his act of murder feel more believable. This could be done through subtle hints or clues in his behavior or dialogue.
                • Clarify the connection between the inspirational poster and Lester's decision to cover up the murder. Show how the poster triggers a realization or inspiration in him that leads to his plan.
                • Add visual elements and actions to make the scene more dynamic and engaging. This could include showing Lester's frustration as he tries to fix the washing machine or using camera angles and movements to create tension.



                Scene 33 -  Desperate Call for Help
                INT. KITCHEN. NYGAARD HOUSE. SAINT CLOUD, MIN - NIGHT

                Lester, dressed in new clothing, stands with his back to us.
                We move towards him as he practices for his phone call.

                LESTER NYGAARD
                Ya, it’s me. I can’t talk long.
                She’s -- I did something --
                (beat)
                Ya, it’s -- there’s been an
                accident and I --

                Beat. He picks up the phone, dials.

                INTERCUT WITH:

                INT. FARMDALE MOTEL. SAINT CLOUD, MN - SAME TIME

                Malvo sits on his bed, watching tv. The phone rings, which
                is strange, because no one has this number.
                54.


                MALVO
                (answers)
                Yes?

                LESTER NYGAARD
                (worked up)
                Ya, it’s me -- Lester -- she’s --
                my wife, she’s -- aw hell -- she’s
                in the basement, and --

                MALVO
                How did you get this number?

                LESTER NYGAARD
                What? I was -- I saw you this
                morning on my way ta -- look, I’m
                freakin’ out here -- I don’t know
                what ta do.

                MALVO
                Lester, have you been a bad boy?

                LESTER NYGAARD
                Aw geez. I just -- can you come
                over? It’s -- I’m on Willow Creek
                Drive. Number six thirteen.

                MALVO
                (beat, thinking)
                Sure, Lester. I’ll be right there.

                Lester hangs up. Beat. He thinks about his next step.

                CUT TO:
                Genres: ["Crime","Drama","Thriller"]

                Summary Lester, dressed in new clothing, practices for a phone call. He picks up the phone and dials. Meanwhile, Malvo sits on his bed in a motel room and answers the phone, surprised by the call. Lester tells Malvo about an accident involving his wife and asks for help. Malvo questions how Lester got his number and asks if Lester has been a bad boy. Lester pleads for Malvo to come over. The scene ends with Lester hanging up the phone and thinking about his next step.
                Strengths
                • High emotional impact
                • Engaging plot
                • Strong character development
                Weaknesses
                • Dialogue could be more nuanced

                Ratings
                Overall

                Overall: 9

                The scene is highly impactful and intense, with a shocking act of violence and a phone call that creates suspense and intrigue.


                Story Content

                Concept: 8

                The concept of the scene, involving a sudden act of violence and a mysterious phone call, is gripping and keeps the audience engaged.

                Plot: 9

                The plot of the scene is highly engaging, with the introduction of a major turning point as Lester commits a brutal murder and makes a distressing phone call.

                Originality: 6

                The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While the situation of a character seeking help is a familiar one, the specific circumstances and dialogue add a fresh approach. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue contributes to the originality.


                Character Development

                Characters: 8

                The characters in the scene, particularly Lester, are well-developed and their actions drive the plot forward.

                Character Changes: 9

                Lester undergoes a significant character change as he transforms from a meek and timid individual to a violent and desperate murderer.

                Internal Goal: 8

                The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to seek help and find a solution to the situation he has found himself in. This reflects his deeper need for safety and security, as well as his fear of the consequences of his actions.

                External Goal: 9

                The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to get Malvo to come to his location and help him with the situation involving his wife. This reflects the immediate circumstances and challenges he is facing.


                Scene Elements

                Conflict Level: 9

                The scene is filled with conflict, both internal and external, as Lester struggles with his emotions and ultimately commits a heinous act.

                Opposition: 8

                The opposition in this scene is strong as Lester faces the challenge of convincing Malvo to help him. The audience is unsure of how Malvo will respond, creating tension and conflict.

                High Stakes: 10

                The stakes are extremely high in the scene, as Lester commits a brutal murder and reaches out to a mysterious individual for help.

                Story Forward: 9

                The scene moves the story forward by introducing a major turning point and setting up a mysterious meeting between Lester and Malvo.

                Unpredictability: 7

                This scene is unpredictable because the audience doesn't know how Malvo will respond to Lester's request for help. The phone call and the introduction of a mysterious character add an element of uncertainty.

                Philosophical Conflict: 0

                There is no evident philosophical conflict in this scene.


                Audience Engagement

                Emotional Impact: 10

                The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking shock, horror, and distress in the audience.

                Dialogue: 7

                The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the distress and panic of Lester as he makes the phone call, but could benefit from more depth and complexity.

                Engagement: 9

                This scene is engaging because it immediately presents a problem and creates a sense of urgency. The dialogue between the characters is intense and keeps the audience invested in the outcome.

                Pacing: 9

                The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by maintaining a sense of urgency and keeping the audience engaged. The concise dialogue and minimal narrative description contribute to a fast-paced rhythm.


                Technical Aspect

                Formatting: 9

                The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It uses standard scene headings, action lines, and dialogue formatting.

                Structure: 8

                The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It establishes the location and characters, introduces the conflict, and ends with a cliffhanger.


                Critique
                • The scene lacks clear visual descriptions, making it difficult for the reader to visualize the actions and emotions of the characters.
                • The dialogue feels rushed and lacks depth, especially considering the intense and dramatic nature of the situation.
                • There is a lack of tension and suspense in the scene, which could be heightened to create a more engaging and impactful moment.
                • The intercut with Malvo in the motel room feels disconnected from the main action and doesn't add much to the scene.
                • The transition between the previous scene and this one is abrupt and could be smoother to maintain continuity.
                • The emotional journey of Lester is not fully explored, leaving the audience with a shallow understanding of his state of mind.
                • The scene could benefit from more visual elements and actions to enhance the overall storytelling.
                • The dialogue could be improved to better convey the urgency and desperation of Lester's situation.
                Suggestions
                • Provide more visual descriptions to help the reader visualize the actions and emotions of the characters. For example, describe Lester's body language, facial expressions, and the overall atmosphere of the kitchen.
                • Take the time to develop the dialogue and allow the characters to express their emotions and thoughts more fully. This will add depth and authenticity to the scene.
                • Build tension and suspense by incorporating moments of silence, pauses, and strategic line breaks in the dialogue. This will create a more intense and engaging atmosphere.
                • Consider removing the intercut with Malvo in the motel room, as it doesn't contribute significantly to the scene and may distract from the main action.
                • Smoothly transition from the previous scene by establishing a clear connection or bridge between the two scenes. This will help maintain continuity and keep the audience engaged.
                • Explore Lester's emotional journey more deeply by delving into his thoughts, fears, and motivations. This will allow the audience to connect with his character on a deeper level.
                • Introduce more visual elements and actions to enhance the storytelling. For example, describe Lester's physical reactions, the sound of his voice, and any props or objects he interacts with.
                • Revise the dialogue to better convey the urgency and desperation of Lester's situation. Use more specific and impactful language to heighten the emotional impact of his words.



                Scene 34 -  Tense Encounter
                INT. LIVING ROOM. NYGAARD HOUSE. SAINT CLOUD, MN - NIGHT

                Lester pulls a chair over to the armoire. He climbs up,
                roots around on top, pulls down a SHOTGUN. He finds some
                shells, loads it. Malvo will be here soon and Lester plans
                to kill him and frame him for his wife’s murder.

                CUT TO:

                INT. FRONT HALLWAY. NYGAARD HOUSE - NIGHT

                Lester holds the gun in one hand. Practices opening the door
                with the other, raising the gun. It’s too clunky. Plus he
                needs to lure Malvo inside the house before he shoots him.

                LESTER NYGAARD
                (practicing)
                What did you do? You killed her.
                You killed her.
                55.


                Lester looks around. He decides to hide the shotgun against
                the LIVING ROOM WALL, just on the other side of the doorway.

                Looking around, Lester loses his nerve a little. But no. He
                has a plan. This will work. He sets the shotgun in its
                hiding place, looks around. Has he forgotten anything?

                THERE IS A KNOCK ON THE FRONT DOOR

                Lester panics, tries to calm down.

                LESTER NYGAARD (CONT’D)
                (under his breath)
                You killed her. You killed her.

                Lester goes to the front door, takes a deep breath, opens it.

                VERN THURMAN stands outside.

                VERN
                Evenin’, Lester.

                LESTER NYGAARD
                (nervous)
                What -- what do ya want?

                VERN
                Well, I suppose first I’d like ta
                come in.

                Lester looks behind him.

                LESTER NYGAARD
                Uh, ya. Well -- it’s just -- now’s
                not a good --

                VERN
                Just take a second.

                Vern steps forward and Lester, by instinct, steps back. Now
                Vern is in the house. He takes off his gloves and hat.

                VERN (CONT’D)
                Supposed ta get down to negative
                ten tonight, I hear.

                Lester is a mass of nerves. Vern steps towards the kitchen.

                VERN (CONT’D)
                Pearl home?

                Lester moves to block him, putting his back to the kitchen
                doorway.
                56.


                LESTER NYGAARD
                Uh -- no -- she’s, uh -- at my
                brother’s.

                VERN
                Okay then. How’s the nose?

                LESTER NYGAARD
                Huh? Oh, hurts.

                VERN
                How’d that happen anyway?

                LESTER NYGAARD
                Slipped. Over at the fire station.

                VERN
                Ouch. Go to the hospital?

                LESTER NYGAARD
                Ya. They, uh, set it.

                VERN
                Talk to anyone while you were
                there?

                LESTER NYGAARD
                What do ya mean?

                VERN
                Well, the reason I’m here -- not
                sure if ya heard -- but Sam Hess
                got himself killed last night over
                at the Lucky Penny. Nasty business.
                And, well, I heard you were talkin’
                to another fella about Hess before
                he died. Over at the hospital.

                LESTER NYGAARD
                (pale)
                No. I don’t think --

                VERN
                What was his name again? The other
                fella?

                Lester tries to decide what to say. Then the cuckoo clock
                chimes from the living room. 8 o’clock. Lester jumps,
                startled.

                VERN (CONT’D)
                Ya okay there, Lester? Ya seem a
                bit jumpy.
                57.


                LESTER NYGAARD
                Ya, I’m, uh -- it’s just Pearl’s
                gonna be home soon and --

                Looking past Lester, Vern sees the basement door is open. He
                Genres: ["Crime","Thriller"]

                Summary Lester retrieves a shotgun and hides it against the living room wall. Vern Thurman arrives and engages in conversation with Lester. Lester becomes nervous and tries to block Vern from entering the kitchen. Vern asks about Lester's injured nose and mentions Sam Hess's death. Lester denies talking to anyone and becomes startled when the cuckoo clock chimes. Vern notices the open basement door.
                Strengths
                • Tension-building
                • Strong dialogue
                • Character dynamics
                Weaknesses
                • Limited exploration of theme

                Ratings
                Overall

                Overall: 9

                The scene is highly effective in building tension and suspense, with strong dialogue and character dynamics.


                Story Content

                Concept: 8

                The concept of Lester planning to frame Malvo for his wife's murder is intriguing and adds a layer of complexity to the story.

                Plot: 9

                The plot is well-developed and moves the story forward by introducing a major conflict between Lester and Vern.

                Originality: 5

                The level of originality in this scene is relatively low. The situation of a character planning to kill someone and frame them for a crime is a familiar one in the crime genre. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue is believable.


                Character Development

                Characters: 9

                The characters are well-defined and their interactions create tension and suspense.

                Character Changes: 7

                Lester's character undergoes a significant change as he plans to frame Malvo for his wife's murder.

                Internal Goal: 8

                The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to gather the courage to confront and kill Malvo. This reflects Lester's deeper desire for revenge and to regain control over his life.

                External Goal: 7

                The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to lure Malvo inside the house before shooting him. This reflects the immediate challenge of executing his plan successfully.


                Scene Elements

                Conflict Level: 9

                The conflict between Lester and Vern is intense and drives the scene forward.

                Opposition: 8

                The opposition in this scene is strong as Lester is faced with the challenge of luring Malvo inside the house without raising suspicion. The audience is unsure of how Lester will overcome this obstacle.

                High Stakes: 9

                The stakes are high as Lester plans to frame Malvo for murder, risking his own safety.

                Story Forward: 9

                The scene moves the story forward by introducing a major conflict and setting up future events.

                Unpredictability: 7

                This scene is unpredictable because the audience doesn't know how Lester's plan will unfold and whether he will be successful in framing Malvo for his wife's murder.

                Philosophical Conflict: 0

                There is no evident philosophical conflict in this scene.


                Audience Engagement

                Emotional Impact: 8

                The scene evokes fear and anxiety in the audience, creating an emotional impact.

                Dialogue: 9

                The dialogue is sharp and effectively conveys the characters' emotions and motivations.

                Engagement: 9

                This scene is engaging because it builds tension and suspense through the protagonist's actions and dialogue. The audience is invested in whether Lester will be able to execute his plan successfully.

                Pacing: 9

                The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by gradually building tension and suspense. The rhythm of the scene keeps the audience engaged and eager to see what happens next.


                Technical Aspect

                Formatting: 9

                The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It includes scene headings, action lines, and character dialogue in the correct format.

                Structure: 8

                The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It starts with an establishing shot, then moves to specific locations within the house, and ends with a cliffhanger moment.


                Critique
                • The scene lacks tension and conflict, which makes it feel flat and uninteresting. There is no sense of urgency or stakes for the characters.
                • The dialogue feels forced and unnatural, especially when Lester is practicing his lines. It doesn't flow organically and comes across as contrived.
                • The actions and decisions of the characters are not well motivated or explained. It's unclear why Lester suddenly decides to hide the shotgun and why he is so nervous when Vern arrives.
                • The pacing of the scene is slow and could benefit from more tension and suspense. It feels like there is a missed opportunity to build suspense as Vern enters the house.
                • The scene lacks visual elements or actions that could enhance the storytelling and engage the audience.
                • The transition from the previous scene to this one feels abrupt and disjointed. There should be a smoother transition to maintain continuity and flow.
                Suggestions
                • Introduce a conflict or obstacle that Lester needs to overcome in order to achieve his goal of framing Malvo for his wife's murder. This will create tension and make the scene more engaging.
                • Rewrite the dialogue to make it more natural and believable. Focus on the characters' emotions and motivations to create more depth and authenticity.
                • Provide clearer explanations for Lester's actions and decisions. Show his thought process and the reasons behind his nervousness and sudden change of plans.
                • Add suspenseful moments and build tension as Vern enters the house. Use visual cues and actions to enhance the storytelling and create a more dynamic scene.
                • Smoothly transition from the previous scene to this one by establishing a connection or link between the two. This will help maintain continuity and keep the audience engaged.



                Scene 35 -  Bloody Footprint
                notices something on the floor. A BLOODY FOOTPRINT.
                Alarmed, Vern DRAWS HIS GUN.

                VERN
                Lester. Listen to me very
                carefully. I need ya to get down
                on the ground.

                LESTER NYGAARD
                No. Wait. Just -- listen to me --
                it’s not what it --

                VERN
                Lester. On the ground. Now.

                Gun on Lester, Vern backs into the kitchen.

                LESTER NYGAARD
                No. Now hold on. Hold on. Don’t -
                - there’s nothin’ down there --

                Vern glances down the basement stairs.

                ANGLE ON PEARL’S FEET

                Visible at the bottom of the stairs.

                LESTER NYGAARD (CONT’D)
                -- That’s not -- I didn’t do
                nothin’ -- I just got home. I just
                got home and --

                CLOSE UP ON VERN

                Trying to catch up to events. He keeps the gun on Lester,
                reenters the front hall. With his free hand, he keys his
                radio handset

                VERN
                This is Chief Thurman. I’m at six
                one three Willow Creek Drive.
                Requesting --

                A SHOTGUN BLAST catches VERN in the BACK, spins him around.

                REVEAL: LORNE MALVO holds LESTER’S SHOTGUN. It’s 8 PM, and
                Malvo has come in through the back door. He FIRES AGAIN, the
                spray catching Vern in the chest and throat. Vern falls.
                58.


                MALVO
                Any more?

                Lester is in shock, white as a sheet.

                MALVO (CONT’D)
                Lester. Are there any more cops?

                Lester shakes his head. Malvo kicks Vern’s gun away, looks
                down.

                ANGLE ON VERN

                Eyes wild, like the deer in the opening. He is mortally
                wounded, blood bubbles coming out of his mouth as he
                struggles for air.

                CLOSE UP ON MALVO

                Struck by the synchronicity of this. He studies the dying
                man’s eyes.

                MALVO (CONT’D)
                What did you tell him?

                LESTER NYGAARD
                Nothing -- I, uh -- he asked about
                Sam.

                MALVO
                You got any more shells for this?

                Lester shakes his head. Malvo lays the shotgun on the table.

                MALVO (CONT’D)
                Where’s the basement?

                Lester points. Malvo enters the kitchen, goes down the
                stairs.

                ANGLE ON LESTER

                He pulls two shotgun shells out of his pocket, eyes the
                shotgun. How long to grab it and reload?

                He reaches out his other hand, then realizes it’s bleeding.
                There’s a shotgun pellet buried in the meat of his thumb.
                Then Lester becomes aware that his injured hand is now lit by
                flashing red and blue lights. Another police car has just
                pulled up outside.

                CUT TO:
                59.
                Genres: ["Crime","Thriller"]

                Summary Vern notices a bloody footprint on the floor and draws his gun. Lester tries to explain but Vern insists he gets on the ground. Vern glances down the basement stairs and sees Pearl's feet. Vern calls for backup but is shot by Lorne Malvo. Malvo asks Lester if there are any more cops and kicks Vern's gun away. Malvo studies Vern's dying eyes and asks Lester what he told him. Lester denies saying anything and Malvo asks if he has more shotgun shells. Lester points to the basement and Malvo goes downstairs. Lester realizes his injured hand is now illuminated by police lights outside.
                Strengths
                • Intense and suspenseful atmosphere
                • Shocking twist
                • Strong emotional impact
                Weaknesses
                • Dialogue could be more memorable

                Ratings
                Overall

                Overall: 9

                The scene is highly impactful and intense, with a shocking turn of events that leaves the audience on the edge of their seats.


                Story Content

                Concept: 8

                The concept of a character committing a brutal murder and then attempting to cover it up is gripping and adds a layer of suspense to the story.

                Plot: 9

                The plot takes a major turn with the murder of Pearl and the arrival of Malvo, creating a sense of urgency and raising the stakes for the protagonist.

                Originality: 6

                The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While the situation of a protagonist being confronted by an antagonist is familiar, the specific actions and dialogue of the characters feel authentic and unique. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


                Character Development

                Characters: 8

                The characters' actions and reactions in this scene reveal their true nature and motivations, adding depth to their development.

                Character Changes: 8

                Lester undergoes a significant character change as he transforms from a meek and timid individual to a desperate and ruthless murderer.

                Internal Goal: 8

                The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to survive and protect himself. This reflects his deeper need for self-preservation and his fear of being caught or harmed.

                External Goal: 9

                The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to escape from the antagonist and avoid being captured or killed. This reflects the immediate circumstances and challenges he is facing.


                Scene Elements

                Conflict Level: 10

                The conflict in this scene is intense and multi-layered, involving the tension between Lester and Vern, the discovery of the murder, and the arrival of Malvo.

                Opposition: 9

                The opposition in this scene is strong, as the protagonist is faced with a life-threatening situation and must confront the antagonist. The audience is unsure of how the protagonist will overcome this obstacle, adding to the tension and suspense.

                High Stakes: 10

                The stakes are incredibly high in this scene, as Lester's actions have severe consequences and he is now faced with the arrival of a dangerous character.

                Story Forward: 10

                The scene propels the story forward by introducing a major plot twist and raising the stakes for the protagonist.

                Unpredictability: 9

                This scene is unpredictable because it introduces unexpected events and twists that keep the audience guessing. The sudden appearance of the antagonist and the violent actions create a sense of uncertainty and suspense.

                Philosophical Conflict: 0

                There is no evident philosophical conflict in this scene.


                Audience Engagement

                Emotional Impact: 9

                The scene elicits strong emotions from the audience, particularly shock, fear, and suspense.

                Dialogue: 7

                The dialogue is tense and impactful, particularly during the confrontation between Vern and Lester. However, it could benefit from more memorable lines.

                Engagement: 10

                This scene is engaging because it immediately grabs the reader's attention with a shocking event and maintains a high level of tension and suspense throughout. The fast-paced dialogue and action keep the reader invested in the outcome.

                Pacing: 9

                The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by maintaining a fast and intense rhythm. The quick dialogue exchanges and action sequences create a sense of urgency and keep the reader engaged.


                Technical Aspect

                Formatting: 9

                The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It is properly formatted with clear scene headings, character names, dialogue, and action descriptions.

                Structure: 8

                The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It begins with an inciting incident, builds tension through escalating actions and dialogue, and ends with a cliffhanger.


                Critique
                • The scene starts abruptly with Vern noticing a bloody footprint on the floor and drawing his gun. It would be helpful to provide some context or build up to this moment to create tension and suspense.
                • The dialogue between Vern and Lester feels rushed and lacks depth. It would be beneficial to explore their emotions and motivations more thoroughly to make their interactions more compelling.
                • The transition from Vern backing into the kitchen to keying his radio handset feels abrupt and disjointed. It would be helpful to provide a smoother transition or bridge between these actions.
                • The introduction of Lorne Malvo and his sudden appearance in the scene feels forced and lacks proper setup. It would be beneficial to establish his presence earlier in the screenplay to make his entrance more impactful.
                • The action and violence in the scene are described in a straightforward manner without much detail or sensory elements. Adding more vivid descriptions and sensory details would enhance the impact of the violence and create a more visceral experience for the reader.
                • The scene ends abruptly with the introduction of flashing red and blue lights outside. It would be helpful to provide a clearer resolution or conclusion to this scene before transitioning to the next.
                Suggestions
                • Consider adding a buildup or foreshadowing to Vern's discovery of the bloody footprint to create more tension and suspense.
                • Develop the dialogue between Vern and Lester to delve deeper into their emotions and motivations, making their interactions more engaging.
                • Smoothly transition from Vern backing into the kitchen to keying his radio handset to create a more seamless flow of actions.
                • Establish Lorne Malvo's presence earlier in the screenplay to make his sudden appearance more impactful and believable.
                • Enhance the descriptions of the action and violence by incorporating vivid sensory details to create a more immersive reading experience.
                • Provide a clearer resolution or conclusion to this scene before introducing the flashing red and blue lights outside.



                Scene 36 -  Trapped in the Basement
                INT. MOLLY’S SQUAD CAR - SAME TIME

                Pulling up to Nygaard’s house, Molly sees Vern’s prowler.
                She CLIMBS OUT of the car, approaches the door.

                CUT TO:

                INT. KITCHEN. NYGAARD HOUSE. SAINT CLOUD, MINNESOTA - SAME
                TIME

                Lester hurries over to the basement door.

                LESTER NYGAARD
                They’re here. The police.

                No response. Lester starts down the stairs into ...

                THE BASEMENT

                LESTER NYGAARD
                I said the police are here. What
                do we ...

                But Malvo is gone. Vanished like a ghost. Pearl lays alone
                on the floor, a bloody mess. The hammer next to her.

                Off Lester: trapped.

                CUT TO:
                Genres: ["Crime","Thriller"]

                Summary Molly arrives at Nygaard's house and spots Vern's prowler. She approaches the door while inside, Lester hurriedly informs Malvo that the police have arrived. Lester goes down to the basement but discovers Malvo has vanished and finds Pearl dead with a hammer nearby. Lester is left trapped in the basement, realizing he is in a dire situation.
                Strengths
                • Intense and gripping plot
                • Strong emotional impact
                • Surprising twist
                Weaknesses
                • Lack of standout dialogue

                Ratings
                Overall

                Overall: 9

                The scene is highly impactful and intense, with a shocking act of violence that grabs the audience's attention. The tension is maintained throughout, and the twist at the end adds an unexpected element.


                Story Content

                Concept: 8

                The concept of a character committing a brutal murder and then trying to cover it up is a familiar one in crime thrillers. However, the scene adds a twist by introducing another character who disrupts the protagonist's plans.

                Plot: 9

                The plot of the scene is gripping and full of suspense. It starts with Pearl finding Lester in the basement, leading to a confrontation and the murder. The introduction of Vern and Malvo adds further complexity and raises the stakes.

                Originality: 6

                The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While the situation of a character being trapped and trying to hide evidence is a familiar one, the specific details and the moral conflict add a fresh approach. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue contributes to the originality of the scene.


                Character Development

                Characters: 8

                The characters in the scene are well-developed and their actions and dialogue are consistent with their personalities. Lester's transformation from a timid and incompetent man to a desperate and ruthless killer is particularly compelling.

                Character Changes: 9

                Lester undergoes a significant character change in the scene, transforming from a meek and passive individual to a cold-blooded killer. This change is driven by his desperation and the fear of being caught.

                Internal Goal: 8

                The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to survive and escape from the dangerous situation he is in. This reflects his deeper need for self-preservation and his fear of being caught by the police or harmed by Malvo.

                External Goal: 9

                The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to avoid being caught by the police and to hide any evidence of his involvement in the crime. This reflects the immediate circumstances and challenges he is facing, as the police have arrived at his house and he needs to cover his tracks.


                Scene Elements

                Conflict Level: 9

                The conflict in the scene is intense and multi-layered. It starts with the confrontation between Pearl and Lester, escalates with Vern's arrival, and reaches its peak with Malvo's unexpected appearance and the subsequent shootout.

                Opposition: 8

                The opposition in this scene is strong as Lester is trapped and faced with the challenge of hiding evidence and avoiding the police. The audience is unsure of how he will overcome this obstacle.

                High Stakes: 10

                The stakes in the scene are extremely high. Lester's life is on the line as he tries to cover up his crime and avoid being caught by the police. The introduction of Vern and Malvo adds additional danger and uncertainty.

                Story Forward: 9

                The scene moves the story forward by introducing new conflicts and complications. It reveals the consequences of Lester's actions and sets up further confrontations and developments.

                Unpredictability: 7

                This scene is unpredictable because it introduces a sudden twist with Malvo disappearing and the revelation of the bloody mess in the basement. The audience is left wondering what will happen next and how Lester will navigate the situation.

                Philosophical Conflict: 7

                There is a philosophical conflict evident in this scene between the protagonist's values of self-preservation and the moral consequences of his actions. Lester is faced with the choice of continuing to lie and cover up his crimes or facing the consequences of his actions and taking responsibility.


                Audience Engagement

                Emotional Impact: 9

                The scene elicits strong emotions from the audience, ranging from shock and horror at the murder to tension and anxiety during the confrontation and shootout. The brutal act of violence and the characters' desperate actions create a powerful emotional impact.

                Dialogue: 7

                The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the tension and conflict between the characters. However, there are no standout lines or memorable exchanges.

                Engagement: 9

                This scene is engaging because it immediately presents a dangerous and suspenseful situation. The quick pacing, concise dialogue, and the revelation of the bloody mess in the basement create a sense of urgency and intrigue.

                Pacing: 9

                The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by maintaining a fast and suspenseful rhythm. The quick scene transitions and concise dialogue keep the audience engaged and create a sense of urgency.


                Technical Aspect

                Formatting: 9

                The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It uses standard scene headings, action lines, and dialogue formatting.

                Structure: 8

                The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It starts with an establishing shot, transitions to the interior of the house, and then focuses on the specific actions and dialogue of the characters in the basement.


                Critique
                • The transition from Molly's squad car to the kitchen of the Nygaard house feels abrupt and disjointed. It would benefit from a smoother transition or a clearer connection between the two scenes.
                • The dialogue between Lester and Malvo is lacking in tension and urgency. Given the high stakes and the presence of the police, the dialogue should reflect the heightened emotions and the urgency of the situation.
                • The description of Malvo disappearing like a ghost feels cliché and lacks originality. It would be more effective to find a unique and unexpected way to convey Malvo's disappearance.
                • The discovery of Pearl's dead body and the hammer next to her is a shocking and pivotal moment in the story. However, the impact of this moment is diminished by the lack of emotional reaction from Lester. It would be more powerful to show his immediate shock, horror, or disbelief.
                • The scene ends abruptly, leaving the reader wanting more. It would be beneficial to include a final action or line of dialogue that provides a sense of closure or sets up the next scene.
                Suggestions
                • Consider adding a brief transition scene between Molly's squad car and the kitchen to establish a stronger connection between the two locations.
                • Revise the dialogue between Lester and Malvo to heighten the tension and urgency. Use shorter, more impactful sentences and include more specific details about the police presence.
                • Find a more unique and unexpected way to convey Malvo's disappearance, rather than relying on the cliché of him disappearing like a ghost.
                • Amplify Lester's emotional reaction to the discovery of Pearl's dead body. Show his shock, horror, or disbelief through his physical and emotional reactions.
                • Include a final action or line of dialogue that provides a sense of closure or sets up the next scene, rather than ending the scene abruptly.



                Scene 37 -  Molly Discovers Vern Dead
                EXT. NYGAARD HOUSE. SAINT CLOUD, MINNESOTA - SAME TIME

                Molly pounds on the door.

                MOLLY
                Saint Cloud Police. Open up.

                Nothing. She looks in the nearest window, sees Vern laying
                dead on the hall floor.

                MOLLY (CONT’D)
                (upset)
                Oh. Oh.

                She keys her handset.

                MOLLY (CONT’D)
                Officer -- officer down! Send help.

                She pulls her weapon, starts kicking the front door.

                CUT TO:
                60.


                INT. BASEMENT. NYGAARD HOUSE - SAME TIME

                Nygaard hears the front door CRASH OPEN upstairs. He is
                trapped. He looks around. No exit. Can he hide? No. They’ll
                find him. Then his eyes hit the inspirational poster on the
                wall. There’s only one way out. Lester, knowing he will be
                found at any moment, RUNS towards the wall, his head down.
                Crack. He knocks himself out.

                CUT TO:

                INT. FRONT HALLWAY. NYGAARD HOUSE - SAME TIME

                Molly kneels next to Vern, checks his pulse. But her mentor
                and friend is dead. Struggling to stay professional, she
                straightens, her gun up.

                MOLLY
                Saint Cloud Police! If there’s
                someone in the house, come out with
                yer hands up.

                Nothing. Cautiously, Molly goes room to room, searching. We
                know Malvo could still be in the house. Each blind corner
                and dark space offers certain death. We can tell Molly is
                afraid, out of her league, but she keeps her wits.

                CUT TO:
                Genres: ["Crime","Thriller"]

                Summary Molly pounds on the door of the Nygaard house in Saint Cloud, Minnesota and sees Vern dead on the floor through a window. She becomes upset and calls for help. Meanwhile, Lester is trapped in the basement and realizes there is no way out. He runs towards a wall and knocks himself out. Molly checks Vern's pulse and confirms his death. Cautiously, she searches the house, aware that Malvo could still be inside.
                Strengths
                • Intense and suspenseful atmosphere
                • Effective use of setting to create a sense of entrapment
                • Well-developed characters with consistent actions and dialogue
                • Gripping plot with shocking twists
                Weaknesses
                • None

                Ratings
                Overall

                Overall: 9

                The scene is highly intense and suspenseful, keeping the audience on the edge of their seats. It effectively builds tension and delivers a shocking twist, leaving a lasting impact.


                Story Content

                Concept: 8

                The concept of the scene, which involves a confrontation between the protagonist and antagonist, is well-executed and engaging. The use of the basement as a setting adds to the claustrophobic atmosphere and sense of entrapment.

                Plot: 9

                The plot of the scene is gripping and full of suspense. It advances the overall story by revealing important information and escalating the conflict between the characters.

                Originality: 5

                The level of originality in this scene is relatively low. The situations and actions are familiar within the crime genre, and the dialogue is straightforward and functional rather than particularly unique or fresh. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue is believable and consistent with their roles as a police officer and a suspect.


                Character Development

                Characters: 9

                The characters in the scene are well-developed and their actions and dialogue are consistent with their established personalities. The tension between Lester and Malvo is palpable, and Molly's determination and professionalism are evident.

                Character Changes: 8

                Lester undergoes a significant change in the scene as he realizes the consequences of his actions and becomes trapped. This change adds depth to his character arc.

                Internal Goal: 8

                The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to maintain her professionalism and keep her wits about her despite the fear and danger she is facing. This reflects her deeper need to prove herself as a capable police officer and her desire to protect others.

                External Goal: 7

                The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to search the house and ensure there are no other threats present. This reflects the immediate circumstances and challenge of potentially encountering the dangerous individual who may still be in the house.


                Scene Elements

                Conflict Level: 10

                The conflict in the scene is intense and high-stakes. It involves a life-or-death situation and the power struggle between the characters.

                Opposition: 8

                The opposition in this scene is strong, as the protagonist is faced with the challenge of searching a potentially dangerous house while being at a disadvantage. The audience does not know how the situation will unfold, adding to the tension.

                High Stakes: 10

                The stakes in the scene are extremely high, with the protagonist's life on the line and the antagonist's presence posing a constant threat.

                Story Forward: 10

                The scene moves the story forward by revealing important information, escalating the conflict, and leaving the protagonist in a dire situation.

                Unpredictability: 6

                This scene is somewhat unpredictable because the audience does not know if Molly will encounter the dangerous individual in the house or what her next actions will be.

                Philosophical Conflict: 0

                There is no evident philosophical conflict in this scene.


                Audience Engagement

                Emotional Impact: 9

                The scene evokes strong emotions of fear and sadness. The shocking events and the characters' reactions create a powerful emotional impact.

                Dialogue: 8

                The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the characters' emotions and motivations. It is tense and impactful, driving the conflict forward.

                Engagement: 9

                This scene is engaging because it presents a high-stakes situation with a sense of urgency and danger. The protagonist's actions and dialogue keep the audience invested in the outcome and create tension.

                Pacing: 9

                The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by maintaining a sense of urgency and tension. The quick transitions and concise dialogue keep the scene moving at a fast pace.


                Technical Aspect

                Formatting: 9

                The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It includes scene headings, character names, dialogue, and action descriptions in a clear and organized manner.

                Structure: 8

                The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It begins with an exterior location and then transitions to interior locations, maintaining a clear progression of events.


                Critique
                • The scene starts abruptly with Molly pounding on the door without any transition or buildup. It would be helpful to have a smoother transition to this scene.
                • The dialogue feels a bit generic and lacks depth. Molly's reaction to finding Vern dead could be more emotional and impactful.
                • The action lines are concise but could benefit from more detail and description to enhance the tension and suspense of the scene.
                • The transition from Nygaard in the basement to Molly in the front hallway feels disjointed and could be smoother.
                • The description of Molly searching the house lacks specificity and doesn't fully convey the danger and fear she is experiencing.
                • The scene ends abruptly without a clear resolution or cliffhanger, leaving the reader wanting more.
                Suggestions
                • Consider adding a brief transition or establishing shot to set the scene before Molly pounds on the door.
                • Enhance the dialogue to reflect Molly's emotional state and the gravity of the situation.
                • Add more sensory details and vivid descriptions to the action lines to heighten the tension and suspense.
                • Find a smoother way to transition between Nygaard in the basement and Molly in the front hallway, perhaps by intercutting their actions.
                • Provide more specific details about Molly's search, including her thoughts, reactions, and the physical obstacles she encounters.
                • Create a stronger ending for the scene that leaves the reader with a sense of anticipation or a cliffhanger.



                Scene 38 -  A Gruesome Discovery
                INT. BASEMENT. NYGAARD HOUSE - NIGHT

                Slowly, Molly comes down the stairs, gun drawn. She sees
                Pearl and Lester, laying face down. The basement looks like
                the scene of a massacre. From upstairs she hears ...

                BILL (O.S.)
                Molly?

                MOLLY
                Down here!

                Molly assesses the situation. Pearl is clearly dead. Molly
                holsters her weapon, kneels next to Lester, takes his pulse.

                MOLLY (CONT’D)
                Husband’s alive!

                She looks up. There on the poster she sees A BLOODY HUMAN
                FACE PRINT with what appears to be a HALO over it.

                There’s always one. Be the one.
                61.


                Off Molly: what does it mean?

                CUT TO:
                Genres: ["Crime","Thriller"]

                Summary Molly cautiously enters the basement of the Nygaard house at night, with her gun drawn. She finds Pearl and Lester lying face down, appearing to be dead. Bill calls Molly from upstairs, and she responds. Molly determines that Pearl is dead but discovers that Lester is still alive. As she assesses the situation, she notices a bloody human face print with a halo on a poster, sparking her curiosity about its meaning. The scene ends with Molly pondering the significance of the mysterious print.
                Strengths
                • Intense suspense
                • Shocking twist
                • Strong character dynamics
                Weaknesses
                • None identified

                Ratings
                Overall

                Overall: 9

                The scene is highly engaging and suspenseful, keeping the audience on the edge of their seats. The shocking twist and the introduction of a new threat (Malvo) adds to the intensity and raises the stakes.


                Story Content

                Concept: 8

                The concept of a trapped protagonist facing multiple threats (Vern and Malvo) in a confined space creates a claustrophobic and high-stakes situation. The use of the basement as a setting adds to the tension and sense of danger.

                Plot: 9

                The plot is well-structured and keeps the audience engaged throughout. The scene advances the main plot by revealing the presence of Malvo and his connection to Lester. It also sets up a new conflict for Molly as she investigates the crime scene.

                Originality: 6

                The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While the situation of a character investigating a potentially dangerous basement is familiar, the presence of the bloody human face print with a halo adds a unique and mysterious element. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue is believable.


                Character Development

                Characters: 9

                The characters are well-developed and their actions and dialogue are consistent with their established traits. Lester's panic and attempts to deceive Vern, Molly's determination and resourcefulness, and Malvo's cold and calculated nature all contribute to the tension and conflict in the scene.

                Character Changes: 8

                Lester experiences a significant change in this scene as he goes from attempting to deceive Vern to realizing the gravity of his situation and ultimately knocking himself out in desperation. This change highlights the consequences of his actions and sets up further character development.

                Internal Goal: 8

                The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to understand the meaning behind the bloody human face print with a halo over it. This reflects Molly's curiosity and desire for answers.

                External Goal: 7

                The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to assess the situation and determine if Lester is alive. This reflects the immediate challenge of the potentially dangerous situation in the basement.


                Scene Elements

                Conflict Level: 10

                The conflict in the scene is intense and multi-layered. There is a conflict between Lester and Vern, as well as the imminent threat of Malvo. The discovery of Pearl's body and the escalating tension between the characters raise the stakes and create a sense of danger.

                Opposition: 7

                The opposition in this scene is moderate. While the protagonist faces the challenge of assessing the situation and potentially encountering danger, the outcome is not completely uncertain.

                High Stakes: 10

                The stakes are incredibly high in this scene. Lester's life is in danger from both Vern and Malvo, and Molly's investigation could potentially expose his involvement in the crimes. The discovery of Pearl's body adds to the sense of danger and raises the stakes even further.

                Story Forward: 9

                The scene moves the story forward by introducing a new threat (Malvo) and raising the stakes for the characters. It also sets up a new conflict for Molly as she investigates the crime scene and further explores the consequences of Lester's actions.

                Unpredictability: 7

                This scene is unpredictable because the meaning behind the bloody human face print with a halo is unknown, creating a sense of mystery and uncertainty.

                Philosophical Conflict: 0

                There is no evident philosophical conflict in this scene.


                Audience Engagement

                Emotional Impact: 9

                The scene evokes strong emotions, including fear, suspense, and shock. The audience becomes invested in the characters' fates and feels the tension and danger they are facing.

                Dialogue: 8

                The dialogue is tense and impactful, revealing important information and driving the conflict forward. The exchanges between Lester and Vern, as well as Malvo's chilling lines, add depth to the scene.

                Engagement: 8

                This scene is engaging because it presents a mysterious and potentially dangerous situation that captures the audience's attention. The dialogue and visual details create suspense and intrigue.

                Pacing: 8

                The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by gradually building tension and suspense. The slow and deliberate actions of the protagonist create a sense of anticipation.


                Technical Aspect

                Formatting: 9

                The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It is properly formatted with scene headings, action lines, and dialogue.

                Structure: 9

                The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It begins with a clear location and action description, followed by dialogue and visual details.


                Critique
                • The scene lacks clear and concise description, making it difficult for the reader to visualize the setting and actions.
                • The dialogue is minimal and lacks depth, leaving the characters feeling underdeveloped.
                • The emotional tone of the scene is not effectively conveyed, resulting in a lack of tension and suspense.
                • The transition from the previous scene is abrupt and could benefit from a smoother connection.
                • The significance of the bloody human face print and the phrase 'There's always one. Be the one.' is unclear and needs further explanation.
                Suggestions
                • Provide more detailed and vivid descriptions of the basement and the aftermath of the massacre to create a stronger visual impact.
                • Develop the dialogue between Molly and Lester to reveal more about their relationship and add depth to their characters.
                • Use descriptive language and sensory details to enhance the emotional tone and create a sense of tension and suspense.
                • Add a transitional element to smoothly connect this scene with the previous one, such as Molly hearing a noise that leads her to the basement.
                • Clarify the meaning and significance of the bloody human face print and the phrase 'There's always one. Be the one.' to provide a clearer understanding for the audience.



                Scene 39 -  Night Patrol in Rural Minnesota
                EXT. TWO LANE HIGHWAY. RURAL, MINNESOTA - NIGHT

                A state police car is parked on the blind side of an
                overpass. Nearby a sign reads Duluth 10 miles.

                CUT TO:

                INT. STATE POLICE CAR - NIGHT

                Patrolman GUS GRIMLY (30s) sits behind the wheel, sipping a
                cup of coffee. His walkie talkie crackles.

                KURT GRIMLY (O.S.)
                Dad. Come in, dad. Over.

                Gus picks up the walkie talkie.

                GUS GRIMLY
                Dad here. Come back.

                KURT GRIMLY
                Vikings up by thirteen. Over.

                GUS GRIMLY
                What happened? Over.

                KURT GRIMLY
                Walsh kicked another field gold.
                Over.

                GUS GRIMLY
                Sweet. Did you brush your teeth?
                Over.

                KURT GRIMLY
                Yes. Over.

                GUS GRIMLY
                Homework? Over.

                KURT GRIMLY
                Did my math and science. Still
                have to do English. Over.

                GUS GRIMLY
                Okay, well. As soon as the game’s
                over. Over.

                A CAR SPEEDS PAST.
                62.


                Gus hits his siren, pulls out onto the road. We stay with
                him as he follows the speeding car, it’s tail lights visible
                through the front windshield.

                The car in front of him pulls over. Gus pulls in behind it.
                Beat. He writes down the license plate number, notes the
                time. Then climbs out of the car.
                Genres: ["Crime","Thriller","Drama"]

                Summary Patrolman Gus Grimly sits in his state police car on a two-lane highway in rural Minnesota at night. He receives a call from his son Kurt, discussing the Vikings game and Kurt's dental hygiene. Gus then pursues a speeding car, pulls over another vehicle, and notes down its license plate number before getting out of the car.
                Strengths
                • Building suspense and tension
                • Shocking twist
                • Authentic character reactions
                Weaknesses
                • Possible lack of clarity in some action descriptions

                Ratings
                Overall

                Overall: 9

                The scene effectively builds suspense and tension, keeping the audience on the edge of their seats. The shocking twist of Vern being shot by Lorne Malvo adds a layer of unpredictability and raises the stakes for the protagonist.


                Story Content

                Concept: 8

                The concept of the scene revolves around the protagonist's desperate attempt to escape from the antagonist and the unexpected obstacles he encounters. It effectively creates a sense of danger and urgency.

                Plot: 9

                The plot of the scene is gripping and full of twists. It advances the overall story by putting the protagonist in a life-threatening situation and introducing new challenges for him to overcome.

                Originality: 4

                The level of originality in this scene is relatively low. The situations and actions are familiar and there are no unique or fresh approaches. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue is realistic and believable.


                Character Development

                Characters: 9

                The characters in the scene are well-developed and their actions and reactions feel authentic. The audience can empathize with the protagonist's fear and desperation, while the antagonist's cold and calculated demeanor adds to the tension.

                Character Changes: 8

                The protagonist undergoes a significant change in the scene as he transitions from a state of panic and fear to a determination to survive. The shocking events force him to confront his own vulnerability and find inner strength.

                Internal Goal: 7

                The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is not explicitly stated, but it can be inferred that Gus Grimly wants to maintain order and safety on the highway by pulling over the speeding car.

                External Goal: 9

                The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to pull over the speeding car and enforce the law. This goal reflects the immediate circumstances and challenges of maintaining order on the highway.


                Scene Elements

                Conflict Level: 10

                The conflict in the scene is intense and high-stakes. The protagonist is faced with the immediate threat of the antagonist and the challenge of escaping from the basement. The conflict drives the tension and suspense throughout the scene.

                Opposition: 7

                The opposition in this scene is moderately strong. The speeding car presents a small obstacle for the protagonist, and the audience is unsure of how the interaction will unfold.

                High Stakes: 10

                The stakes in the scene are extremely high, with the protagonist's life hanging in the balance. The unexpected death of Vern and the protagonist's entrapment create a sense of urgency and danger.

                Story Forward: 9

                The scene moves the story forward by introducing a major turning point and raising the stakes for the protagonist. It sets up the climax and resolution of the overall narrative.

                Unpredictability: 6

                This scene is somewhat unpredictable because the audience doesn't know how the interaction between Gus and the speeding car will go. However, the overall outcome is relatively predictable.

                Philosophical Conflict: 0

                There is no evident philosophical conflict in this scene.


                Audience Engagement

                Emotional Impact: 9

                The scene evokes strong emotions in the audience, particularly fear, shock, and sadness. The sudden death of Vern and the protagonist's desperate situation create a powerful emotional impact.

                Dialogue: 8

                The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the characters' emotions and motivations. It is concise and impactful, driving the plot forward and adding depth to the interactions between the characters.

                Engagement: 8

                This scene is engaging because it introduces a conflict and creates tension through the protagonist's pursuit of the speeding car. The dialogue between Gus and Kurt also adds a touch of humor and character development.

                Pacing: 9

                The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by maintaining a steady rhythm and building tension as Gus follows the speeding car.


                Technical Aspect

                Formatting: 9

                The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. The scene headings, character names, dialogue, and scene description are properly formatted and easy to read.

                Structure: 8

                The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It begins with an establishing shot, followed by an interior shot, and then transitions back to an exterior shot. The dialogue and actions are presented in a clear and logical sequence.


                Critique
                • This scene feels disconnected from the previous scenes and lacks relevance to the main plot. It introduces a new character, Gus Grimly, without any clear connection to the existing characters or conflicts.
                • The dialogue between Gus and Kurt is mundane and does not contribute to the overall story or character development. It feels like filler dialogue that does not add any depth or tension to the scene.
                • The action of Gus pulling over a speeding car and writing down the license plate number is not engaging or compelling. It lacks any sense of urgency or conflict.
                • The scene does not advance the main plot or provide any new information or insights. It feels like a detour from the main story and slows down the pacing.
                • The transition from the previous scene to this scene is abrupt and jarring. There is no clear connection or continuity between the two scenes.
                Suggestions
                • Consider removing this scene altogether or finding a way to integrate it more seamlessly into the main plot.
                • If you decide to keep this scene, make sure it serves a clear purpose and contributes to the overall story or character development.
                • Revise the dialogue between Gus and Kurt to make it more meaningful and relevant to the main plot. Use the dialogue to reveal important information or deepen the conflict.
                • Add more tension and conflict to the action of Gus pulling over the speeding car. Make it a pivotal moment that has consequences for the main characters or plot.
                • Improve the transition between the previous scene and this scene to create a smoother flow and maintain the reader's engagement.



                Scene 40 -  A Tense Encounter on a Dark Highway
                EXT. TWO LANE HIGHWAY. RURAL MINNESOTA - CONTINUOUS

                Gus approaches the driver’s side, flashlight out. The inside
                of the car is dark, ominous. We can’t see the driver.

                Then the driver’s side window rolls down. Now we see the
                driver is Lorne Malvo.

                MALVO
                Evening, officer.

                GUS GRIMLY
                License and registration please.

                MALVO
                Well, we could do it that way. You
                ask me for my papers and I tell you
                it’s not my car. That I borrowed
                it. And see where things go from
                there. We could do that. Or, you
                could just get back in your car and
                drive away.

                GUS GRIMLY
                Why would I do that?

                MALVO
                Because some roads you shouldn’t go
                down. Because maps used to say
                there be dragons here. And now
                they don’t. But that don’t mean
                the dragons aren’t there.

                From the prowler, we hear Kurt’s walkie talkie.

                KURT GRIMLY (O.S.)
                Dad. Come in, dad. Over.

                GUS GRIMLY
                Step out of the car, please.

                MALVO
                How old is your son?

                Gus puts his hand on his revolver.
                63.


                GUS GRIMLY
                I said step out of the car.

                KURT GRIMLY (O.S.)
                Dad. Come in, dad. Over.

                MALVO
                Let me tell you what’s going to
                happen, Officer Grimly. I’m gonna
                roll up my window. And then I’m
                gonna drive away. And you’re gonna
                go home to your son. And every few
                years you’re gonna look at his face
                and know that you’re alive because
                you chose not to go down a certain
                road on a certain night. Because
                you chose to walk into the light,
                instead of into darkness. Do you
                understand?

                GUS GRIMLY
                Sir.

                MALVO
                I’m rolling up my window.

                The window rolls up. Gus stands there, knowing he should
                pull his gun. That he should order Malvo out of the car, but
                something stops him. The feeling the rabbit gets in the
                presence of the wolf.

                So he stands there as Malvo’s car pulls away.

                KURT GRIMLY (O.S.)
                Dad. Come in, dad. Over.

                Gus walks back to the car, climbs in, closes the door. Beat.
                He picks up the walkie talkie.

                GUS GRIMLY
                Dad here. Over.

                KURT GRIMLY
                Detroit just got a touchdown. Over.
                (beat)
                Dad? Are you there? Over.

                Beat. Gus sits, shaken.

                GUS GRIMLY
                I hear ya. We’ll get ‘em in the
                fourth. And hey, don’t forget ta do
                yer English homework, okay? I love
                you.
                64.


                A long silence.

                KURT GRIMLY
                Ya didn’t say over. Over.

                GUS GRIMLY
                (smiles)
                Over and out.

                Beat. Gus sits in his warm car, while outside the
                temperature drops. Then he picks up his note pad, examines
                Malvo’s license plate number.

                CUT TO:
                Genres: ["Crime","Thriller"]

                Summary Gus Grimly pulls over Lorne Malvo on a rural Minnesota highway. Malvo tries to manipulate Gus into letting him go by suggesting hidden dangers on certain roads. Gus hesitates but ultimately decides not to arrest Malvo. He writes down Malvo's license plate number before the scene ends with Gus talking to his son on the walkie talkie, shaken by the encounter.
                Strengths
                • Tension-building dialogue
                • Strong character dynamics
                • Suspenseful atmosphere
                Weaknesses

                  Ratings
                  Overall

                  Overall: 9

                  The scene is highly effective in building tension and suspense through the dialogue and the interaction between the characters. The confrontation between Gus and Malvo is gripping and keeps the audience on the edge of their seats.


                  Story Content

                  Concept: 8

                  The concept of a police officer facing a dangerous criminal and being tempted to let him go creates a moral dilemma and adds depth to the scene.

                  Plot: 9

                  The plot of the scene is crucial as it sets up the conflict between Gus and Malvo and establishes the high stakes involved.

                  Originality: 6

                  The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While the situation of a police officer encountering a suspicious individual is familiar, the dialogue and philosophical conflict add a fresh approach. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue contributes to the scene's originality.


                  Character Development

                  Characters: 9

                  The characters of Gus and Malvo are well-developed and their interaction is compelling. Gus's internal struggle and Malvo's manipulative nature add depth to the scene.

                  Character Changes: 8

                  Gus experiences a moment of internal conflict and makes a decision that could have long-lasting consequences. This change in his character adds depth to the scene.

                  Internal Goal: 8

                  The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to maintain control and make the right decision in a dangerous situation. It reflects his deeper need for safety and protection, as well as his fear of making a mistake that could harm himself or his son.

                  External Goal: 7

                  The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to handle a potentially dangerous encounter with the driver of the car, Lorne Malvo. It reflects the immediate circumstance of being a police officer and facing a suspicious individual.


                  Scene Elements

                  Conflict Level: 10

                  The conflict between Gus and Malvo is intense and filled with suspense. The power dynamics and the high stakes create a sense of urgency.

                  Opposition: 8

                  The opposition in this scene is strong as the protagonist is faced with a potentially dangerous individual who challenges his authority and beliefs. The audience is unsure of how the encounter will unfold.

                  High Stakes: 10

                  The stakes are high in the scene as Gus has to decide whether to let a dangerous criminal go or arrest him. The potential consequences of his decision are significant.

                  Story Forward: 9

                  The scene moves the story forward by raising the stakes and setting up future conflicts. It adds momentum to the narrative.

                  Unpredictability: 7

                  This scene is unpredictable because the reader is unsure of how the protagonist will respond to Malvo's threats and whether he will choose to follow the rules or make a different decision.

                  Philosophical Conflict: 9

                  There is a philosophical conflict evident in this scene between the protagonist's belief in following the rules and maintaining order, and Malvo's belief in the existence of hidden dangers and the need to make unconventional choices for survival. This challenges the protagonist's values and worldview.


                  Audience Engagement

                  Emotional Impact: 9

                  The scene evokes strong emotions through the tension and suspense. Gus's internal struggle and the potential consequences of his decision create emotional impact.

                  Dialogue: 10

                  The dialogue in the scene is sharp, intense, and filled with subtext. It effectively conveys the power dynamics and the psychological game being played between Gus and Malvo.

                  Engagement: 9

                  This scene is engaging because it creates a sense of tension and suspense through the dialogue and the protagonist's internal struggle. The reader is invested in the outcome of the encounter between the protagonist and Malvo.

                  Pacing: 9

                  The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by gradually building tension and suspense. The dialogue and actions are paced in a way that keeps the reader engaged and wanting to know what will happen next.


                  Technical Aspect

                  Formatting: 9

                  The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It includes scene headings, character names, dialogue, and action descriptions.

                  Structure: 8

                  The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It begins with a description of the location, introduces the characters, and progresses through dialogue and action.


                  Critique
                  • The scene starts off with a strong sense of tension and suspense as Gus approaches the driver's side of the car. The darkness and ominous atmosphere inside the car adds to the suspense.
                  • The dialogue between Gus and Malvo is well-written and effectively conveys the power dynamic between the two characters. Malvo's cryptic and threatening remarks create a sense of unease.
                  • The use of Kurt's walkie talkie as a narrative device to interrupt the scene and add an additional layer of tension is a clever choice.
                  • The decision to have Gus hesitate and not pull his gun when he clearly senses danger from Malvo is an interesting character choice that adds depth to Gus's character.
                  • The scene ends on a poignant note with Gus picking up his note pad and examining Malvo's license plate number, hinting at future consequences and potential conflict.
                  Suggestions
                  • Consider adding more visual descriptions to enhance the tension and suspense in the scene. For example, describing the darkness inside the car in more detail or highlighting Gus's physical reactions to the situation.
                  • Explore Gus's internal thoughts and emotions more to further develop his character and provide insight into his decision to hesitate.
                  • Consider adding more subtext to the dialogue between Gus and Malvo to deepen the power dynamic and create more layers of meaning.
                  • Experiment with the pacing of the scene to build tension gradually and create a more intense climax.
                  • Consider foreshadowing or hinting at the potential consequences of Gus's decision to let Malvo go, either through visual cues or dialogue.



                  Scene 41 -  Uncertainty and Responsibilities
                  EXT. LESTER’S HOUSE. SAINT CLOUD, MN - NIGHT

                  It’s really snowing now. Every police car in town is there,
                  along with fire trucks and an ambulance. Patrolmen go in and
                  out of the house. Molly sits on a planter by the front door,
                  in shock.

                  Inside the lobby we can see Vern’s body covered with a
                  blanket. After a moment, Molly gets to her feet and walks
                  down the driveway.

                  She passes Vern’s prowler. Something inside catches her eye.

                  ANGLE ON TWO CANS OF HOUSE PAINT

                  In the back seat.

                  MOLLY

                  Stands looking in at them, and all they represent.

                  CUT TO:

                  EXT. VERN’S HOUSE. SAINT CLOUD, MN - NIGHT

                  Molly’s car pulls up. She gets out, grabs the paint cans,
                  starts for the house. There are responsibilities she will
                  take on now, unspoken promises that must be kept.

                  The front door opens. Ida comes out. She knows from Molly’s
                  face that the worst has happened.

                  CUT TO:

                  INT. HOSPITAL ROOM. ST. CLOUD, MN - DAY

                  Lester is in bed, unconscious. His head is bandaged. He
                  looks terrible. Outside, snow falls. He wakes up.
                  65.


                  Gets his bearings. He is in the hospital. Not dead. Better
                  still, he is not handcuffed to the bed. There are no cops.

                  Could it be? Could he have gotten away with it? He lifts
                  his right hand to get some water, sees the BANDAGE.

                  He examines the spot where the shotgun pellet caught him. On
                  his face is a hint of uncertainty.

                  CUT TO:
                  Genres: ["Crime","Drama","Thriller"]

                  Summary Molly sits in shock outside Lester's house as emergency vehicles surround the area. Vern's body is covered inside. Molly notices two cans of house paint in Vern's prowler, symbolizing her determination to take on responsibilities. Ida comes out and realizes the worst has happened. In the hospital, Lester wakes up and examines his bandaged head, showing a hint of uncertainty. The aftermath of Vern's death and the uncertainty surrounding Lester's involvement remain unresolved.
                  Strengths
                  • Effective portrayal of shock and uncertainty
                  • Building suspense and tension
                  • Setting up potential conflicts and plot developments
                  Weaknesses
                  • Minimal dialogue

                  Ratings
                  Overall

                  Overall: 9

                  The scene effectively conveys the shock and uncertainty experienced by the characters, creating a suspenseful and intense atmosphere. It sets up potential conflicts and plot developments, leaving the audience eager to see what happens next.


                  Story Content

                  Concept: 8

                  The concept of exploring the aftermath of a violent event and its impact on the characters is compelling and engaging. It adds depth to the story and raises questions about the consequences of their actions.

                  Plot: 9

                  The plot progresses as Molly discovers the aftermath of the violent event and realizes that Malvo may still be a threat. It sets up potential conflicts and raises the stakes for the characters.

                  Originality: 6

                  The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While the situation of a death and the protagonist's reaction to it is a familiar one, the specific details and actions of the characters add authenticity and freshness. The dialogue and actions feel genuine and true to the characters.


                  Character Development

                  Characters: 8

                  The characters' reactions to the violent event and their emotional states are well-portrayed, adding depth and complexity to their personalities. Molly's determination and Lester's uncertainty create intrigue.

                  Character Changes: 7

                  Lester experiences a hint of uncertainty and doubt as he wakes up in the hospital, suggesting a potential change in his character. Molly's determination and resilience are reinforced.

                  Internal Goal: 8

                  The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to come to terms with the death of Vern and the implications it has for her. It reflects her deeper need for closure, her fear of the unknown, and her desire to fulfill her responsibilities and promises.

                  External Goal: 7

                  The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to take on the responsibilities and unspoken promises that come with Vern's death. It reflects the immediate circumstances and challenges she is facing.


                  Scene Elements

                  Conflict Level: 8

                  The conflict level in the scene is high, as Molly discovers the aftermath of the violent event and realizes that Malvo may still be a threat. It creates tension and suspense.

                  Opposition: 7

                  The opposition in this scene is moderate. While there are no direct obstacles or conflicts, the protagonist is faced with the challenge of accepting and fulfilling her new responsibilities.

                  High Stakes: 9

                  The stakes are high in the scene, as Molly realizes that Malvo may still be a threat and Lester wakes up in the hospital with uncertainty about the consequences of his actions.

                  Story Forward: 8

                  The scene moves the story forward by revealing the aftermath of the violent event and setting up potential conflicts and plot developments. It leaves the audience eager to see what happens next.

                  Unpredictability: 6

                  This scene is unpredictable because it introduces the possibility of the protagonist getting away with a crime. The uncertainty of Lester's realization adds a layer of unpredictability.

                  Philosophical Conflict: 0

                  There is no evident philosophical conflict in this scene.


                  Audience Engagement

                  Emotional Impact: 9

                  The scene has a strong emotional impact, as the characters react to the shocking events and face uncertainty. It evokes feelings of shock, suspense, and anticipation.

                  Dialogue: 7

                  The dialogue in the scene is minimal but effective in conveying the characters' emotions and reactions. It serves the purpose of advancing the plot and setting up potential conflicts.

                  Engagement: 8

                  This scene is engaging because it presents a dramatic and emotional moment in the story. The reader is invested in the protagonist's journey and wants to know how she will handle the situation.

                  Pacing: 8

                  The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by balancing moments of stillness and reflection with moments of action and progression. The snowfall and the characters' reactions create a sense of urgency and tension.


                  Technical Aspect

                  Formatting: 9

                  The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It is properly formatted with scene headings, action lines, and dialogue.

                  Structure: 9

                  The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It establishes the location, introduces the characters, and progresses the narrative.


                  Critique
                  • The scene lacks clear focus and purpose. It jumps between different locations and characters without a clear narrative thread.
                  • The emotional impact of Molly discovering Vern's body is not fully explored. The scene could benefit from more emphasis on Molly's reaction and the gravity of the situation.
                  • The significance of the paint cans in the back seat of Vern's prowler is not clear. It feels like a random detail that doesn't add much to the scene.
                  • The transition between Molly sitting on the planter and Molly arriving at the hospital is abrupt and disjointed.
                  • The hospital scene with Lester waking up feels disconnected from the previous events. It introduces a new character and setting without proper context or explanation.
                  • The ending of the scene with Lester's uncertainty about getting away with his actions feels out of place and doesn't fit with the overall tone and conflict of the story.
                  Suggestions
                  • Focus on Molly's emotional journey and the impact of discovering Vern's body. Show her reaction and the weight of the situation to create a stronger emotional connection with the audience.
                  • Provide more context and explanation for the significance of the paint cans in Vern's prowler. Make sure it serves a purpose in the story and is not just a random detail.
                  • Smooth out the transitions between different locations and characters to create a more cohesive and coherent narrative flow.
                  • Consider reevaluating the inclusion of the hospital scene with Lester waking up. Make sure it serves a clear purpose in advancing the plot and developing the characters.
                  • Reconsider the ending of the scene with Lester's uncertainty. It may be more effective to end on a stronger note that aligns with the overall tone and conflict of the story.



                  Scene 42 -  A Father's Offer
                  EXT. ICE. SAINT CLOUD, MN - DAY

                  Molly’s dad, Lou, unpacks fishing gear from the back of his
                  Suburban. Molly, in civilian clothes, sits on the tailgate,
                  looking out at the snow. Her prowler is parked nearby.

                  LOU
                  I got two kinds of sandwiches.
                  Tuna and turkey.
                  (beat, off her)
                  Tuna’s for the fish. Unless ya
                  think they’d think that’s
                  cannibalism.

                  Molly doesn’t answer. Lou offloads a cooler.

                  LOU (CONT’D)
                  Nice service yesterday, I thought.
                  Simple.

                  Beat. Molly is lost in thought.

                  LOU (CONT’D)
                  Ya know, I been looking for some
                  more help at the restaurant.
                  Someone to seat customers. Answer
                  the phones.

                  MOLLY
                  (absently)
                  A hostess.

                  LOU
                  That what they call it? Anyway,
                  not sure if that was somethin’ you
                  might be interested in.

                  MOLLY
                  (this gets a look)
                  I’m a police officer, dad.
                  66.


                  LOU
                  Well, sure. I know that. I also
                  know that people in this world are
                  less inclined to shoot a hostess,
                  than, say, an officer of the law.

                  MOLLY
                  (beat)
                  That’s true.

                  He kicks snow off his boots.

                  LOU
                  So, does that mean you’re gonna
                  help yer old man out?

                  MOLLY
                  No. But maybe you could put that
                  in the ad.

                  Molly jumps down from the tailgate.

                  MOLLY (CONT’D)
                  On second thought, I’m gonna head
                  in ta work. Coroner’s report should
                  be in. Rain check on the fishin’?

                  He nods. She kisses his cheek.

                  MOLLY (CONT’D)
                  Love ya, dad.

                  LOU
                  Love ya too, hon.

                  Molly walks to her cruiser. Her father watches as we ...

                  FADE TO WHITE:


                  END OF PILOT
                  Genres: ["Crime","Drama","Mystery"]

                  Summary Molly's dad, Lou, unpacks fishing gear while Molly sits on the tailgate. Lou offers her sandwiches and suggests she work as a hostess at his restaurant. Molly declines and decides to go to work instead. She kisses her dad goodbye and walks to her cruiser.
                  Strengths
                  • Authentic dialogue
                  • Character development
                  • Emotional depth
                  Weaknesses
                  • Lack of significant conflict
                  • Minimal plot progression

                  Ratings
                  Overall

                  Overall: 8

                  The scene effectively showcases the complex relationship between Molly and her father, providing a moment of emotional depth and character development. The dialogue is engaging and reveals insights into their personalities. However, the scene lacks significant conflict and high stakes, which slightly lowers the overall rating.


                  Story Content

                  Concept: 7

                  The concept of exploring the personal life of a police officer and the dynamics within their family is interesting and adds depth to the story. However, it could have been further developed to create more tension and conflict.

                  Plot: 6

                  The plot in this scene is minimal, primarily focusing on the conversation between Molly and her father. While it provides a moment of reflection and character development, it doesn't significantly advance the overall plot.

                  Originality: 6

                  The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While the situation of a character resisting a different career path suggested by a family member is not entirely unique, the specific dynamics and dialogue between Molly and her father add authenticity. The characters' actions and dialogue feel genuine and contribute to the overall authenticity of the scene.


                  Character Development

                  Characters: 9

                  The scene delves into the characters of Molly and her father, Lou, revealing their personalities, their bond, and their individual struggles. Their dialogue feels authentic and adds depth to their relationship.

                  Character Changes: 7

                  Molly experiences a subtle change in her perspective regarding her career and her relationship with her father. She shows a willingness to consider alternative paths, indicating potential growth and development.

                  Internal Goal: 8

                  Molly's internal goal in this scene is to assert her identity as a police officer and resist her father's suggestion of working as a hostess. It reflects her deeper need for independence and her fear of being seen as less capable or powerful in a different role.

                  External Goal: 7

                  Molly's external goal in this scene is to go to work and check the coroner's report. It reflects the immediate circumstances and challenges she faces as a police officer.


                  Scene Elements

                  Conflict Level: 4

                  The conflict in this scene is minimal, primarily revolving around Molly's internal conflict regarding her career choices. There is no external conflict or high stakes present.

                  Opposition: 7

                  The opposition in this scene is moderate. Molly's resistance to her father's suggestion creates a small obstacle, but it is not a highly intense or difficult-to-overcome opposition. The audience is left uncertain about Molly's decision, adding some suspense.

                  High Stakes: 3

                  The stakes in this scene are low, primarily revolving around Molly's personal and career choices. There is no immediate danger or intense conflict present.

                  Story Forward: 5

                  The scene does not significantly move the main story forward. It primarily focuses on character development and relationship dynamics.

                  Unpredictability: 5

                  This scene is somewhat predictable because it follows a familiar pattern of a character resisting a career suggestion. However, the specific dialogue and dynamics between Molly and her father add some unpredictability to the scene.

                  Philosophical Conflict: 6

                  There is a philosophical conflict evident in this scene between Molly's belief in her identity as a police officer and her father's belief in her safety and well-being. It challenges Molly's values and worldview by presenting her with an alternative career option that may be perceived as safer.


                  Audience Engagement

                  Emotional Impact: 7

                  The scene evokes a sense of nostalgia and emotional connection between Molly and her father. It provides a moment of reflection and adds depth to their characters. However, the emotional impact could have been heightened with stronger conflict or stakes.

                  Dialogue: 9

                  The dialogue in this scene is well-crafted, capturing the natural flow of conversation between a father and daughter. It reveals their personalities, emotions, and conflicts, creating a compelling and engaging interaction.

                  Engagement: 7

                  This scene is engaging because it presents a relatable and emotionally charged conversation between Molly and her father. The dialogue and dynamics between the characters create tension and intrigue, making the audience curious about their relationship and the choices Molly will make.

                  Pacing: 8

                  The pacing of the scene is effective in maintaining the audience's interest. The dialogue and actions flow smoothly, creating a natural rhythm. The scene progresses at a steady pace, allowing for moments of reflection and tension.


                  Technical Aspect

                  Formatting: 9

                  The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It includes scene headings, character names, dialogue, and action descriptions. The formatting is clear and easy to follow.

                  Structure: 8

                  The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It begins with an establishing shot, introduces the characters, and progresses through their conversation and actions. The scene has a clear beginning, middle, and end.


                  Critique
                  • The scene feels disconnected from the previous scenes and lacks a clear purpose or conflict. It seems to serve as a brief moment of interaction between Molly and her father, but it doesn't add much to the overall story or character development.
                  • The dialogue between Molly and Lou feels forced and unnatural. The conversation about sandwiches and the restaurant job feels out of place and doesn't contribute to the tension or suspense that has been built up in the previous scenes.
                  • The transition from the previous scene to this one is abrupt and jarring. There is no clear connection or continuity between the two scenes, which can be confusing for the audience.
                  • The scene lacks visual elements or actions that could enhance the storytelling or convey the emotions of the characters. It mostly consists of dialogue and static shots of Molly and Lou.
                  • The ending of the scene, with Molly walking to her cruiser and her father watching, feels anticlimactic and doesn't leave a strong impression or sense of closure.
                  Suggestions
                  • Consider reworking the scene to make it more connected to the previous scenes and the overall story. It should have a clear purpose and conflict that advances the plot or develops the characters.
                  • Revise the dialogue to make it more natural and meaningful. Focus on creating tension or adding depth to the relationship between Molly and her father.
                  • Improve the transition between scenes to create a smoother flow and maintain continuity. Find a way to connect the events or emotions of the previous scene to this one.
                  • Add visual elements or actions that can enhance the storytelling and convey the emotions of the characters. This can help create a more engaging and immersive experience for the audience.
                  • Consider reworking the ending of the scene to leave a stronger impression or sense of closure. It should leave the audience with a clear understanding of the characters' emotions or motivations.