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Scene 1 -  Morning Catch
EXT. ANGELA ROSE DECK - FISHING WATERS - DAWN

Open ocean. Cape Ann, off the coast of Gloucester,
Massachusetts. A rusty thirty-foot FISHING TRAWLER, the
Angela Rose, slices the grey water. Waves slap the boat, the
engine roars, the winch creaks, and gulls circle overhead as
the nets come up, hoping for a fish. “Something’s Got a Hold
on Me” by Etta James plays from a small radio.

On deck, RUBY (17, in fishing Grundens), belts out the song
as she runs the winch, raising the net above the sorting bin.
She sings along with the radio as she works. Her father,
FRANK (50s, bearded, weathered) and brother, LEO (early 20s,
handsome, tattooed) guide the catch into position. They
signal to Ruby. She pulls the release and the net opens,
dropping an impressive haul of fish onto the deck.

Ruby, Leo and Frank sort the fish into tubs, measuring them
and tossing the bycatch back overboard. Leo and Frank pay no
attention to Ruby’s singing. They sort and clean fish with
the efficiency of guys who have done this their whole lives.

Reaching into the pile of fish, Ruby pulls out an old shoe.
She laughs, tosses it to Leo. He gestures that it’s too
small. Throws it overboard.

Frank shovels ice over the layers of fish. Leo cleans the
fish by slushing them around in a bucket with his boot. The
radio crackles.

RADIO (O.S.)
Angela Rose, do you copy?


INT. ANGELA ROSE WHEELHOUSE - OCEAN - DAWN, CONTINUOUS

Ruby enters the wheelhouse, snatching up the receiver.

RUBY
OK, copy.

RADIO
Are you guys coming in?


EXT. ANGELA ROSE - ON THE WATER - MORNING

As the boat sails past the breakwall into the harbor, Ruby
leans over the rail, watching the rocky granite shoreline.

Gloucester City Hall towers above town. The quaint shopping
district fades into the working wharf. In the harbor,
lobstermen pull up their traps.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary At dawn on the Angela Rose fishing trawler off Cape Ann, Massachusetts, 17-year-old Ruby joyfully sings along to Etta James while helping her father Frank and brother Leo sort their catch. The family shares light-hearted moments, including Ruby tossing an old shoe to Leo, as they work efficiently together. The scene captures their camaraderie and the beauty of the ocean, ending with the boat sailing into the harbor as Ruby admires the shoreline.
Strengths
  • Effective setting establishment
  • Strong character introductions
  • Compelling atmosphere
Weaknesses
  • Low conflict level
  • Minimal character development

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively sets the tone and introduces the main characters while providing a glimpse into their daily lives. The use of music and visuals creates a compelling atmosphere.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of showcasing the daily routine of a fishing family is well-executed, providing insight into their lives and setting the stage for potential conflicts and character development.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene revolves around the family's morning catch, setting up the daily routine and potential conflicts that may arise in their fishing endeavors.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh perspective on the fishing industry, focusing on the family dynamics and personal goals of the characters. The dialogue and actions feel authentic and true to life.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters are introduced effectively through their actions and interactions, showcasing their relationships and dynamics within the family.

Character Changes: 7

There is minimal character change in the scene, as it primarily focuses on establishing the characters and their daily routine.

Internal Goal: 8

Ruby's internal goal in this scene is to prove herself as a capable and valuable member of the fishing crew. This reflects her deeper need for acceptance and recognition from her father and brother.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to successfully complete the fishing trip and bring in a good haul of fish. This reflects the immediate challenge of providing for their livelihood.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6.5

There is a low level of conflict in the scene, primarily focused on the daily challenges of fishing rather than interpersonal conflicts.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene comes from the challenges of the fishing trip and the dynamics between the family members. There is a small obstacle in the form of Ruby's desire for validation.

High Stakes: 6

The stakes are relatively low in the scene, focusing more on the daily challenges of fishing rather than high-stakes drama.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing the main characters, setting up the daily routine, and hinting at potential conflicts to come.

Unpredictability: 6

This scene is somewhat predictable in terms of the characters' actions and the outcome of the fishing trip. However, there are small moments of unpredictability, such as finding an old shoe in the fish pile.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

There is a philosophical conflict between Ruby's desire for validation and her father and brother's focus on the task at hand. This challenges Ruby's beliefs about her role in the family and the fishing business.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7.5

The scene evokes a sense of nostalgia and appreciation for the hard work of the fishing family, creating a subtle emotional impact.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue is minimal but serves its purpose in conveying the characters' interactions and the setting of a fishing trawler at work.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it immerses the audience in the world of commercial fishing, with detailed descriptions and realistic interactions between the characters.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and momentum as the characters work together to complete the fishing trip.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with clear scene headings, action lines, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a fishing industry setting, with a clear introduction, development, and resolution of the characters' goals and conflicts.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes the setting and introduces the main character, Ruby, in a lively and engaging manner. The use of Etta James' song adds a joyful tone that contrasts with the hard work of fishing, which is a nice touch.
  • The dynamic between Ruby, Frank, and Leo is well portrayed through their actions and interactions. Ruby's playful toss of the shoe to Leo showcases her personality and the familial bond, while Frank and Leo's focus on their work emphasizes their experience and routine.
  • The dialogue is minimal, which works well in this context, allowing the visuals and actions to convey the story. However, the radio communication could be expanded slightly to provide more context about their fishing operations and the challenges they face.
  • The transition from the fishing scene to the harbor is smooth, but it could benefit from a more vivid description of the sights and sounds Ruby experiences as they approach the harbor. This would enhance the sensory experience for the audience.
  • While the scene captures the essence of a fishing family's daily life, it could delve deeper into Ruby's internal thoughts or feelings about her role in the family business. This would add depth to her character and set up her motivations for the rest of the screenplay.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief internal monologue for Ruby as she sings and works, reflecting her thoughts on fishing, family, or her dreams. This would provide insight into her character and create a stronger emotional connection with the audience.
  • Expand the radio dialogue to include a brief exchange that hints at the challenges they face as fishermen, such as low quotas or market prices. This would add context and stakes to their work.
  • Enhance the sensory details when Ruby leans over the rail to admire the shoreline. Describe the sights, sounds, and smells of the harbor to immerse the audience further in the setting.
  • Incorporate more physical interactions between the characters, such as Ruby playfully nudging Leo or Frank giving her an encouraging nod. This would strengthen the familial bond and make the scene feel more dynamic.
  • Consider ending the scene with a moment that foreshadows Ruby's internal conflict or aspirations, perhaps by having her gaze longingly at the shoreline or the bustling harbor, hinting at her desire for something beyond fishing.



Scene 2 -  Struggles at Salgado Fish Wharf
EXT. SALGADO FISH WHARF - DAY

The Angela Rose pulls into the dock. Ruby, Frank and Leo off-
load their catch. The processor, TONY SALGADO, (heavy,
Italian) weighs their haul. The Salgados run everything
around here, as evidenced by the family name on warehouses,
trucks and the auction house.

Fishermen mingle, loading and unloading boats. As Ruby weaves
through them, ARTHUR, the ice distributor, calls to her.

ARTHUR
I see you, Ruby! I’m cutting off
your ice! I’m not a freaking
charity!

RUBY
It’s coming!

Ruby approaches Tony and he hands over her paperwork.

TONY
How you doing honey?

Ruby ignores him, flipping through the forms. Another
fisherman, BRADY, loads his boat with his crew.

BRADY
Hey, Ruby! I thought you guys were
fishing First Ledge. You’re done
already for the day?

RUBY
Piece of shit quotas.

BRADY
Bullshit quotas, right?
(gesturing to Tony)
What are you gonna give her on
those haddock, two bucks a pound?

TONY
Two-fifty and I’m being generous.

RUBY
Two-fifty? What’re you guys getting
at auction?

TONY
Calm ya livah, honey, you let me
worry about the numbers. Sign over
here.

Rolling her eyes, Ruby signs.


BRADY
What’re you gonna take her lunch
money too?

Ruby hands over the paperwork and heads back to the boat.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary At Salgado Fish Wharf, Ruby, Frank, and Leo offload their catch, facing frustration over low fish quotas and the low price offered by processor Tony Salgado. Ruby's tense interaction with ice distributor Arthur, who threatens to cut off her ice supply, adds to her stress. Despite her complaints and the support of fellow fisherman Brady, Ruby reluctantly signs the paperwork for the low price of two-fifty per pound for their haddock, leaving her visibly frustrated as she returns to the boat.
Strengths
  • Sharp dialogue
  • Realistic character interactions
  • Effective establishment of conflict
Weaknesses
  • Limited emotional depth
  • Lack of significant character development

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively establishes conflict and tension through the dialogue and interactions between the characters. The tone is consistent and engaging, drawing the audience into the world of the fishermen.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the scene, focusing on the power dynamics and conflicts within the fishing community, is well-developed and engaging. It adds depth to the overall narrative.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene revolves around the fishermen's frustration with the processor's unfair practices, driving the conflict forward and setting up potential future developments. It adds layers to the story.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh perspective on the fishing industry, highlighting the challenges faced by female fishermen and the power struggles within the community. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and engaging.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-defined and their personalities shine through in their interactions. Ruby's defiance and Brady's support add depth to the scene, making the conflict more engaging.

Character Changes: 7

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the interactions hint at potential growth and development for the characters as the story progresses.

Internal Goal: 8

Ruby's internal goal is to assert her independence and competence in a male-dominated industry. It reflects her desire to be respected and treated fairly despite the challenges she faces.

External Goal: 7

Ruby's external goal is to negotiate fair prices for her catch and navigate the competitive environment of the fish wharf.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The level of conflict in the scene is high, with tensions running high between the fishermen and the processor. The confrontational dialogue and interactions escalate the conflict effectively.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Tony's authority and Brady's challenge creating conflict and uncertainty for Ruby.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are moderately high in the scene, as the livelihoods of the fishermen are at risk due to the unfair treatment by the processor. It sets up potential high-stakes conflicts in the future.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by establishing key conflicts and tensions within the fishing community. It sets the stage for future developments and adds depth to the narrative.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the shifting power dynamics and unexpected twists in the negotiation between Ruby and Tony.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict is between Ruby's values of fairness and Tony's values of profit maximization. It challenges Ruby's beliefs about standing up for herself and fighting against exploitation.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene elicits a moderate emotional impact, mainly through the frustration and defiance displayed by the characters. It sets the stage for potential emotional developments in the future.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is sharp, witty, and realistic, capturing the fishermen's frustration and defiance effectively. It adds depth to the characters and drives the conflict forward.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its dynamic dialogue, tense atmosphere, and relatable conflict. The characters' interactions draw the audience in and create suspense.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and maintaining the audience's interest. The rhythm of the dialogue and actions keeps the scene engaging.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows standard formatting for a screenplay, with clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a typical structure for a dramatic interaction at a fish wharf, with clear character introductions, conflict, and resolution.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes the setting at Salgado Fish Wharf, providing a clear sense of place and the bustling activity of the fishing community. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtext and character depth. Ruby's interactions with Tony and Arthur feel somewhat surface-level, lacking emotional stakes or personal history that could enrich the scene.
  • Ruby's frustration with the low fish quotas is a relatable conflict, but it could be heightened by showing more of her emotional response. Instead of just stating 'Piece of shit quotas,' consider adding a line that reveals how this affects her dreams or aspirations, making her struggle more palpable.
  • The dialogue between Ruby and Tony feels a bit clichéd, with Tony's patronizing tone ('Calm ya livah, honey') reinforcing a stereotype of the dismissive male authority figure. This could be an opportunity to subvert expectations by giving Ruby a stronger retort or showing her assertiveness in a way that challenges his authority.
  • The scene lacks a clear emotional arc or progression. While it introduces the conflict of low fish prices, it doesn't build on that tension or lead to a resolution. Consider incorporating a moment where Ruby stands up for herself or takes action that reflects her frustration, which would create a more dynamic scene.
  • The humor introduced by Brady's line about taking Ruby's lunch money feels out of place and detracts from the seriousness of the situation. While humor can be effective, it should serve to enhance the emotional stakes rather than undermine them. A more serious or supportive comment from Brady could strengthen the camaraderie among the fishermen.
Suggestions
  • Add more emotional depth to Ruby's dialogue to reflect her frustrations and aspirations. Consider incorporating a line that connects her feelings about the quotas to her dreams of a better future.
  • Explore the dynamics between Ruby and Tony further. Perhaps Ruby could challenge Tony's dismissive attitude, showcasing her growth and determination in the face of adversity.
  • Introduce a moment of tension or conflict that escalates the stakes for Ruby. This could be a confrontation with another fisherman or a decision she must make regarding her family's fishing business.
  • Consider removing or reworking Brady's humorous line to maintain the scene's emotional tone. Instead, have him offer support or solidarity with Ruby's frustrations, reinforcing the community aspect of the fishermen.
  • Incorporate visual elements that reflect Ruby's emotional state, such as her body language or facial expressions, to enhance the audience's connection to her character.



Scene 3 -  Family Tides
EXT. ANGELA ROSE - SALGADO FISH WHARF - CONTINUOUS

Ruby approaches the boat where Frank and Leo work the boom,
unloading tubs of fish on ice.

ALL following conversations in ITALICS are signed and
subtitled AMERICAN SIGN LANGUAGE. This is where it is clear--
Ruby’s family is deaf.

RUBY
What a dick.

LEO
I keep saying, let’s sell our own
fish.

FRANK
They tried it down the Cape. That
all went to hell.

LEO
So keep bitching. That’ll work.

Ruby’s heard this argument a million times.

RUBY
Gotta go. Love you Daddy.

FRANK
Don’t forget about the doctor. And
the nets.

RUBY
I know.
(to Leo)
Bye shit-face.

LEO
Bye twat waffle.

RUBY
(spoken)
Twat waffle.
(signed and spoken)
That’s a new one! That’s good.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary Ruby visits the Salgado Fish Wharf, where her father Frank and brother Leo are busy unloading fish. Amidst their familiar argument about the feasibility of selling their own catch, Ruby engages in playful banter with Leo, showcasing their close sibling relationship. She affectionately reminds Frank about a doctor's appointment before leaving, highlighting the light-hearted yet tense dynamics of their family business.
Strengths
  • Authentic portrayal of a deaf fishing family
  • Humorous and witty dialogue
  • Unique use of sign language
Weaknesses
  • Limited plot progression
  • Low stakes

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.2

The scene effectively showcases the family dynamics and humor within the deaf fishing family. The use of sign language adds authenticity and depth to the characters, making them more relatable and engaging.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of showcasing a deaf fishing family and their dynamics at the wharf is intriguing and well-executed. The use of sign language as a communication tool adds depth to the scene and the characters.

Plot: 7.5

While the plot doesn't advance significantly in this scene, it serves to establish the family relationships and dynamics, setting the stage for potential conflicts and developments in the future.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh perspective with the use of American Sign Language and the portrayal of a deaf family in a working-class setting. The characters' interactions feel authentic and engaging, adding to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters are well-developed and distinct, with each family member having their own personality and dynamic within the group. The use of sign language adds a unique layer to their interactions.

Character Changes: 7

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, it sets the stage for potential growth and development for the family members as the story progresses.

Internal Goal: 8

Ruby's internal goal is to assert her independence and individuality within her family dynamic. She wants to show her own personality and humor, separate from her father and Leo.

External Goal: 6

Ruby's external goal is to fulfill her responsibilities, such as going to the doctor and taking care of the nets, while maintaining her sense of humor and defiance.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6.5

While there is some underlying tension and frustration in the scene, the conflict is more subtle and internal, setting the stage for potential conflicts to arise in future scenes.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create tension and conflict, but not overwhelming, leaving room for character development and progression.

High Stakes: 6

The stakes are relatively low in this scene, focusing more on the family dynamics and interactions rather than high-stakes conflicts or events.

Story Forward: 7

The scene sets up the family dynamics and relationships, providing a foundation for future conflicts and developments to unfold. While the plot doesn't advance significantly, it establishes important character dynamics.

Unpredictability: 7

The scene is unpredictable in the characters' playful insults and banter, keeping the audience engaged and curious about their relationships and dynamics.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict revolves around the balance between tradition and innovation, as Frank and Leo represent the old ways of doing things while Ruby seeks to challenge and change the status quo.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7.5

The scene evokes a mix of emotions, from frustration to affection, as the family members interact and banter with each other. The use of sign language adds a layer of intimacy and authenticity to their relationships.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is witty, sarcastic, and humorous, reflecting the family's close bond and playful banter. The use of sign language adds a unique element to the communication between the characters.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to the lively banter, humor, and dynamic character interactions. The use of American Sign Language adds a unique and compelling element to the dialogue.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective, balancing dialogue and action to maintain the audience's interest and drive the narrative forward.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene's formatting is clear and consistent, effectively conveying the dialogue and actions of the characters. The use of italics for signed language adds a unique visual element.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with well-defined character interactions and progression. It effectively sets up the relationships and conflicts within the narrative.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes the familial dynamics and the ongoing conflict regarding the fishing business. The playful banter between Ruby and Leo adds a light-hearted touch, which contrasts nicely with the underlying tension of their financial struggles. However, the dialogue could benefit from more depth to convey the emotional weight of their situation. While the humor is appreciated, it may overshadow the seriousness of their plight.
  • The use of American Sign Language (ASL) is a strong choice that adds authenticity to the characters and their interactions. However, the scene could enhance the visual storytelling by incorporating more physicality and expressions in the signing, allowing the audience to feel the emotions behind the words. This would help to create a more immersive experience for viewers unfamiliar with ASL.
  • Ruby's farewell to her father and brother feels somewhat abrupt. While it captures the essence of their relationship, it could be expanded to include a moment of vulnerability or a deeper emotional connection. This would help to ground the scene and provide a more poignant contrast to the humor.
  • The dialogue, while humorous, could be more varied in tone. The repeated arguments about selling their own fish could be interspersed with moments of reflection or frustration that reveal the characters' deeper feelings about their situation. This would add layers to their interactions and make the scene more engaging.
  • The scene transitions smoothly from the previous one, but it could benefit from a stronger visual cue or action that signifies the shift in location and mood. For instance, a shot of the bustling wharf or the sounds of the environment could enhance the setting and draw the audience into the scene.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment where Ruby expresses her frustration about the fishing quotas or the pressure she feels from her family. This could be done through a brief internal monologue or a more serious exchange with Frank or Leo.
  • Incorporate more physicality in the ASL signing to convey emotions more vividly. This could involve facial expressions, body language, and gestures that reflect the characters' feelings, enhancing the emotional impact of the scene.
  • Expand the farewell exchange between Ruby and her family to include a moment of tenderness or concern. This could involve Ruby checking in on Frank's health or expressing her worries about the fishing business, adding depth to their relationship.
  • Vary the tone of the dialogue by introducing moments of silence or pauses that allow the characters to reflect on their situation. This could create a more dynamic rhythm in the conversation and highlight the emotional stakes.
  • Add a visual element that emphasizes the setting, such as the sounds of the wharf, the sight of other fishermen, or the chaos of unloading fish. This would help to ground the scene in its environment and enhance the overall atmosphere.



Scene 4 -  A Sleepy Ride to Class
EXT. GLOUCESTER STREETS - MONTAGE - DAY

Ruby hops on her bike and puts in her headphones. Etta James
drowns out the sounds of the wharf as she bikes to school.

The landscape changes from boarded up warehouses to the
polished commercial district, through town and ending at the
high school.


EXT. HIGH SCHOOL - DAY

Ruby parks her bike at the rack and runs up the empty front
steps of the school, late.


INT. HIGH SCHOOL - CLASSROOM - DAY

MS. SIMON lectures Ruby’s history class.

MS. SIMON
Where the Bill of Rights protected
people from the federal government,
Amendments 13, 14, and 15 protected
them from their state
governments...

The faint sound of SNORING comes from the back of the class.
Ms. Simon stares at Ruby, passed out on her desk.

MS. SIMON (CONT'D)
Sadly, there was no amendment
protecting the right to nap - Ruby!

Disoriented, Ruby awakes with a start and signs as she talks.

RUBY
(signing)
What’s wrong?

Kids exchange looks. Ruby catches herself. She looks around,
embarrassed. The bell rings, saving her.

MS. SIMON
Ok, let’s re-read and we will
resume this tomorrow. You are free
to go!
Genres: ["Drama","Coming-of-age"]

Summary Ruby bikes through Gloucester, listening to Etta James, before arriving at school. In history class, she struggles to stay awake and falls asleep at her desk, only to be called out by Ms. Simon when she wakes up disoriented. Embarrassed by her classmates' looks, Ruby's moment of humiliation is cut short by the ringing bell, signaling the end of class.
Strengths
  • Effective character development
  • Unique use of sign language
  • Contrast between settings
Weaknesses
  • Limited external conflict
  • Some predictable elements

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 7.5

The scene effectively transitions from the peaceful setting on the boat to the hectic school environment, showcasing Ruby's dual life. The embarrassment and disorientation felt by Ruby add depth to her character.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of juxtaposing the fishing boat scene with the school scene is well-executed, providing insight into Ruby's character and the challenges she faces.

Plot: 7

The plot progresses by showing Ruby's struggles with her responsibilities and the contrast between her two worlds. The scene sets up potential conflicts and character development.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh approach to the familiar setting of a high school classroom, with a focus on the protagonist's internal struggles and societal expectations. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters, especially Ruby, are well-developed in this scene. Ruby's embarrassment and disorientation add depth to her character, making her relatable and engaging.

Character Changes: 7

Ruby experiences a minor change in this scene as she navigates her embarrassment and disorientation, showing growth in handling her challenges.

Internal Goal: 8

Ruby's internal goal in this scene is to navigate the challenges of school and social interactions while dealing with her own disorientation and embarrassment. This reflects her deeper need for acceptance and belonging in her environment.

External Goal: 7

Ruby's external goal in this scene is to make it to school on time and participate in her history class. This reflects the immediate challenge she faces in balancing her academic responsibilities with her personal struggles.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

The conflict in this scene is primarily internal, with Ruby facing challenges in balancing her school life and her responsibilities on the fishing boat.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create conflict and tension, with Ruby facing challenges from both external expectations and her own internal struggles. The uncertainty of how she will navigate these obstacles adds to the audience's investment in her journey.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are moderate in this scene, focusing on Ruby's internal struggles and the challenges she faces in balancing her responsibilities.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by highlighting Ruby's struggles and setting up potential conflicts and character development. It provides insight into her character and the challenges she faces.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because it subverts expectations of a typical classroom setting with the introduction of humor and unexpected character actions. The audience is kept on their toes by Ruby's disorientation and the teacher's reaction.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the clash between societal expectations of punctuality and academic performance, and Ruby's own internal struggles with disorientation and embarrassment. This challenges her beliefs about fitting in and succeeding in her environment.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7.5

The scene evokes emotions of frustration, embarrassment, and disorientation, especially through Ruby's experiences. The audience can empathize with her struggles.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue effectively conveys the tension between Ruby and her teacher, as well as Ruby's internal struggles. The use of sign language adds a unique element to the dialogue.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it captures the relatable struggles of a teenage protagonist in a humorous and realistic way. The dialogue and character interactions draw the reader in and create a sense of empathy for Ruby.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by balancing moments of humor and tension, keeping the reader engaged and moving the story forward at a steady pace.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings and dialogue formatting. The visual descriptions enhance the reader's understanding of the setting and characters.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with a clear progression from the outdoor setting to the classroom scene. The pacing and rhythm contribute to its effectiveness in conveying the protagonist's challenges.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures Ruby's transition from the vibrant, chaotic world of the fishing wharf to the more structured environment of the school, highlighting her dual life. However, the montage could benefit from more vivid imagery or specific details that emphasize the contrast between the two settings, such as the sounds, smells, or sights that Ruby experiences as she bikes through town.
  • The use of Etta James as a soundtrack is a strong choice, as it adds emotional depth and character to Ruby's journey. However, the scene could enhance this by incorporating Ruby's emotional state or thoughts during her bike ride, perhaps through brief internal monologue or visual cues that reflect her feelings about leaving the wharf behind.
  • The classroom scene introduces humor with Ruby's snoring and subsequent embarrassment, which is effective in showcasing her character's relatable flaws. However, the dialogue from Ms. Simon feels somewhat generic and could be more tailored to reflect the specific dynamics of Ruby's class or the subject matter, making it feel more authentic and engaging.
  • Ruby's disorientation upon waking up is a nice touch, but the transition from her snoring to her signing could be smoother. The scene could benefit from a brief moment where Ruby realizes she is in class before she starts signing, which would enhance the comedic timing and her embarrassment.
  • The ending of the scene, with the bell ringing and Ms. Simon dismissing the class, feels abrupt. It might be more impactful to include a brief moment of Ruby's reflection or a reaction from her classmates after the bell, which could further develop her character and relationships within the school environment.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more sensory details to the montage, such as the sounds of the city or the sights of the school, to create a richer atmosphere and deepen the contrast between the two settings.
  • Incorporate Ruby's internal thoughts or feelings during her bike ride to provide insight into her character and enhance the emotional resonance of the scene.
  • Revise Ms. Simon's dialogue to make it more specific to Ruby's situation or the subject matter, which could help ground the scene in the reality of their classroom dynamics.
  • Smooth out the transition from Ruby's snoring to her signing by including a moment of realization or confusion, which would enhance the comedic effect and her character's relatability.
  • Add a brief moment of reflection or interaction with classmates after the bell rings to provide closure to the scene and further develop Ruby's relationships within the school.



Scene 5 -  Invisible in the Hallway
INT. HIGH SCHOOL - LOCKERS - DAY

Ruby opens her locker. Her friend GERTIE (17, wry, Gloucester
to the core) launches in without missing a beat.


GERTIE
Guess what!

RUBY
What?

GERTIE
I did it. I hooked up with Tiny
Fingers.

RUBY
Why?!

GERTIE
I don’t know! Curiosity got the
better of me. Also, totally wrong.
Despite those little baby hands...

Gertie holds her hands like a foot apart.

RUBY
Really?!

GERTIE
Yeah, we have to change the
nickname.

AUDRA, beautiful and horrible, walks by them with a group of
girls. She shoots Ruby a look as she passes.

AUDRA
(quietly, to her friends)
Do you smell fish?

The girls snicker. Gertie watches them with disgust.

GERTIE
Well, at least she’s not doing deaf
voice anymore. That’s progress.

Ruby watches as Audra passes MILES, (17, king among choir
kids) carrying his guitar. Audra slaps his ass. Her friends
crack up. Ruby stares at Miles, feeling invisible.
Genres: ["Drama","Teen"]

Summary In a high school hallway, Ruby opens her locker as her friend Gertie excitedly shares her recent hookup with a boy nicknamed Tiny Fingers, while expressing disdain for the popular girl Audra, who mocks Ruby as she passes by. Ruby feels overlooked and invisible, especially as she watches Audra interact with Miles, the boy she admires. The scene highlights the social dynamics and bullying that leave Ruby feeling marginalized and isolated.
Strengths
  • Witty dialogue
  • Realistic teenage interactions
  • Engaging character dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Lack of significant plot progression
  • Limited emotional depth

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 7.5

The scene effectively portrays the high school setting with humor and sarcasm, creating an engaging atmosphere. However, it could benefit from more depth in character interactions and emotional impact.


Story Content

Concept: 7.5

The concept of showcasing high school drama through humor and sarcasm is well-executed. The scene effectively captures the essence of teenage interactions and dynamics.

Plot: 7

The plot in this scene focuses more on character interactions and dynamics rather than significant story progression. It sets the stage for potential conflicts and developments in the future.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces unique characters and situations that feel authentic and relatable. The dialogue is fresh and engaging, offering a new perspective on typical high school interactions.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are distinct and engaging, each with their unique personalities and dynamics. Their interactions drive the scene forward and provide insight into their relationships.

Character Changes: 6

There are subtle hints of character growth and change, particularly in the dynamics between Ruby and her friends. However, more significant changes could enhance the scene.

Internal Goal: 8

Ruby's internal goal in this scene is to navigate the social dynamics of high school and deal with feelings of invisibility and insecurity.

External Goal: 7

Ruby's external goal is to maintain her social standing and avoid being the target of gossip or ridicule.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

While there are hints of conflict in the interactions between characters, the scene primarily focuses on establishing relationships and dynamics.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Ruby facing social challenges and conflicts that add depth to the narrative.

High Stakes: 5

The stakes are relatively low in this scene, focusing more on character interactions and relationships rather than significant plot developments.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by establishing key relationships and dynamics that may impact future events. It sets the stage for potential conflicts and developments.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected interactions between characters and the shifting power dynamics.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict in this scene is the tension between fitting in and being true to oneself. Ruby struggles with feeling invisible and not standing out, while also not wanting to conform to the behavior of others.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6.5

The scene elicits some emotional response, particularly in the awkward and humorous moments. However, it could benefit from deeper emotional engagement.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is witty, humorous, and reflective of teenage speech patterns. It effectively conveys the characters' personalities and relationships.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the witty dialogue, relatable characters, and the tension between social dynamics and personal identity.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and revealing character motivations, leading to a satisfying resolution.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with clear scene descriptions and character actions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a high school setting, with clear character interactions and dialogue that drive the narrative forward.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the dynamics of high school life, showcasing Ruby's friendship with Gertie and the social hierarchy represented by Audra. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtext to deepen the characters' relationships and motivations. For instance, Gertie's casual revelation about hooking up with Tiny Fingers feels a bit surface-level; exploring her feelings about the experience could add depth.
  • The introduction of Audra as a 'beautiful and horrible' character is intriguing, but her line about smelling fish feels somewhat clichéd and could be more creatively phrased to enhance the impact. This moment could also serve as a stronger catalyst for Ruby's feelings of invisibility, perhaps by having Audra make a more direct comment about Ruby or her family.
  • Ruby's internal conflict about feeling overlooked is a strong emotional anchor for the scene, but it could be emphasized more through her reactions. Instead of just staring at Miles, consider adding a physical response or an internal thought that illustrates her feelings of inadequacy or longing.
  • The pacing of the scene is generally good, but the transition from Gertie's humorous revelation to the more serious moment with Audra and Miles could be smoother. A brief pause or a change in Ruby's demeanor could signal the shift in tone more effectively.
  • The scene lacks a clear emotional arc for Ruby. While it establishes her feelings of invisibility, it doesn't show any progression or change by the end. Consider incorporating a moment of resolution or a decision that Ruby makes in response to her feelings, which could set up her character development for future scenes.
Suggestions
  • Enhance Gertie's dialogue to include more emotional depth regarding her experience with Tiny Fingers, perhaps by expressing mixed feelings or regrets that could resonate with Ruby.
  • Revise Audra's line to be more original and impactful, possibly by making a more personal jab at Ruby that highlights her insecurities.
  • Add a physical reaction from Ruby when she sees Miles interacting with Audra, such as fidgeting or a sigh, to better convey her emotional state.
  • Create a more distinct transition between the light-hearted banter with Gertie and the tension introduced by Audra's comment, perhaps by having Ruby's mood visibly shift.
  • Consider ending the scene with Ruby making a choice or taking an action that reflects her feelings of invisibility, such as deciding to confront Audra or reaching out to Miles, to give her character a sense of agency.



Scene 6 -  Choir Dreams and Parental Embarrassment
INT. HIGH SCHOOL - CAFETERIA - DAY

Ruby and Gertie stand in line to sign up for electives.
Gertie flips through a course book.

GERTIE
The goal is to find the elective
that asks the least of you.
(MORE)

GERTIE (CONT'D)
Like film club. Also known as “put
your backpack down and go smoke a
bowl.”

Ruby glances furtively at Miles, inching forward in the line
next to hers.

GERTIE (CONT'D)
Plus, Mr. Wabatch is actually
pretty hot, you know. In a Comic
Con kind of way.

Ruby reaches the registration desk and the GUIDANCE COUNSELOR
behind it. Miles is also at the front of his line. Ruby
eavesdrops.

MILES
Yeah, choir please.

Ruby suddenly turns to her counselor.

RUBY
Choir.

GUIDANCE COUNSELOR GERTIE
Okay. Just fill this out. Choir?! Are you high?

Ruby eye-shushes her as Miles moves away from the table.

RUBY
I sing all the time!

GERTIE
You’re already socially challenged
enough around here, but sure...
(off Ruby’s look)
If you start, you know, beat-
boxing, or doing that cup/clapping
thing, we’re done, yeah?


EXT. HIGH SCHOOL - DAY

Ruby waits at the curb. She watches clusters of kids
socialize. Everyone belongs to a group except her. Suddenly,
a crazy THUMPING BASS makes heads turn. Ruby’s parents pull
up in front of the school, Frank driving and JACKIE,
(beautiful, 40s, heavy-handed makeup), shotgun. They blast
GANGSTA’ RAP. Ruby, mortified, quickly climbs in.

RUBY
(signing)
Turn that down! It’s loud.


JACKIE
You didn’t change after fishing?
You stink.

FRANK
I love this song. Feel that beat.
My whole ass is vibrating.

RUBY
Just drive please!

Ruby stares out the window at the kids laughing.
Genres: ["Drama","Coming-of-age"]

Summary In the high school cafeteria, Ruby and her friend Gertie discuss elective classes, with Gertie suggesting an easy option like film club. However, Ruby, distracted by her crush Miles, unexpectedly decides to join choir, surprising Gertie. Later, Ruby's parents arrive to pick her up, blasting loud gangsta rap, which embarrasses her as she watches her peers socialize outside, highlighting her struggle for acceptance.
Strengths
  • Effective portrayal of character dynamics
  • Humorous tone
  • Establishing conflicts and tensions
Weaknesses
  • Limited exploration of secondary characters
  • Slightly predictable interactions

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.2

The scene effectively portrays Ruby's sense of isolation and embarrassment in her high school setting while maintaining a humorous tone. The conflict introduced adds depth to the story and characters.


Story Content

Concept: 8.3

The concept of exploring Ruby's dual worlds and the conflicts she faces in each is compelling. The scene sets up future character development and plot progression effectively.

Plot: 8

The plot progresses by introducing conflicts and establishing Ruby's internal and external struggles. The scene sets up potential storylines and character arcs.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces familiar high school tropes but adds a fresh perspective through the characters' unique personalities and interactions. The authenticity of the dialogue adds to the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters, especially Ruby, Gertie, and Miles, are well-defined through their interactions and dialogue. Their personalities and relationships are established effectively.

Character Changes: 8

Ruby experiences a shift in her social dynamics and self-perception during the scene. The conflicts and interactions set the stage for potential character growth.

Internal Goal: 8

Ruby's internal goal is to find her place and identity within the high school social structure. She wants to belong and feel accepted.

External Goal: 7

Ruby's external goal is to choose an elective that will help her fit in and potentially make friends.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7.8

The conflict between Ruby and her peers, as well as her internal struggles, adds tension and depth to the scene. It sets up potential resolutions and character growth.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene comes from Gertie's influence on Ruby's decision-making, adding conflict and tension.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are relatively high for Ruby in terms of her social standing, relationships, and self-image. The conflicts and challenges she faces have significant implications for her character development.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing conflicts, establishing character dynamics, and setting up future plot developments. It advances Ruby's journey and challenges.

Unpredictability: 7

The scene is unpredictable in terms of Ruby's decision-making and the unexpected arrival of her parents.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict is between conforming to societal norms and expectations versus staying true to oneself. Gertie represents the former, while Ruby struggles with the latter.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.2

The scene evokes a sense of empathy for Ruby's challenges and frustrations. The embarrassment and isolation she feels are relatable and engaging.

Dialogue: 8.2

The dialogue captures the humor, frustration, and dynamics between the characters. It reveals their personalities and sets up conflicts and relationships.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the relatable high school setting, witty dialogue, and character dynamics.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and humor, keeping the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with clear scene headings and character actions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a high school setting, with clear character introductions and interactions.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures Ruby's internal conflict and her desire to fit in, particularly through her interactions with Gertie and her observations of Miles. However, the dialogue could be more dynamic to better reflect Ruby's emotional state. For instance, her eagerness to join the choir could be contrasted with her embarrassment about her parents' arrival, creating a more layered emotional experience.
  • Gertie's character provides comic relief, but her lines could be sharpened to enhance the humor and make her personality more distinct. The joke about Mr. Wabatch being 'hot in a Comic Con kind of way' feels a bit generic; a more specific reference could make it funnier and more relatable.
  • The transition from the cafeteria to the outside of the school is somewhat abrupt. A brief moment of Ruby's anticipation or anxiety about joining the choir could enhance the emotional stakes. This would help the audience connect more deeply with her character as she navigates her social environment.
  • The introduction of Ruby's parents is humorous but could also serve to deepen the audience's understanding of her character. While the embarrassment is clear, adding a line or two that reflects Ruby's feelings about her parents' behavior could provide more depth to her reaction.
  • The use of sign language is a nice touch, but it could be more integrated into the dialogue. For example, Ruby could sign while speaking, which would emphasize her bilingual nature and the challenges she faces in communication.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment where Ruby hesitates before declaring her choice of choir, showcasing her internal struggle and desire for acceptance. This could heighten the tension and make her decision feel more significant.
  • Enhance Gertie's character by giving her a unique quirk or catchphrase that makes her stand out more. This could help solidify her role as Ruby's supportive friend while also providing comic relief.
  • Include a brief moment of Ruby's reflection as she watches her peers socialize, perhaps a thought about her own insecurities or aspirations. This could create a stronger emotional connection with the audience.
  • When Ruby's parents arrive, consider adding a line that reflects her mixed feelings about them—perhaps a moment of fondness or frustration—before she signs for them to turn down the music. This would add complexity to her character.
  • Incorporate more physicality in Ruby's signing to convey her emotions more vividly. This could help the audience understand her feelings even without dialogue, enhancing the scene's emotional impact.



Scene 7 -  Awkward Consultations
INT. DOCTOR’S OFFICE - EXAM ROOM - DAY

Ruby sits between her parents in a tiny exam room,
translating for them. She’s done this many times. That
doesn’t make it any less awkward.

FRANK
It’s definitely itchy as hell.

RUBY
It itches.

FRANK
My nuts are on fire.

RUBY
His, you know...

FRANK
They’re like angry hard little
beets. Covered in barnacles.

RUBY
I got it.

FRANK
And your mother’s got it even
worse. Like a boiled lobster claw.

Ruby squirms, mortified.

DOCTOR
Right, so the layman’s term for
what you both have is “jock itch.”
It’s common if you spend a lot of
time in damp clothes. And it’s
easily transferable via
intercourse.


RUBY
(to her dad)
You guys have jock itch.

DOCTOR
I’ll give you an antifungal cream.
But you both have to keep the area
dry and avoid sex for two weeks.

RUBY
(to her parents)
You two need clean underwear. And
you’re not allowed to do it
anymore.

FRANK
What?! For how long?

RUBY
(to her parents)
Never again. Done for life.

Frank and Jackie stare at her.

RUBY (CONT'D)
(caving)
Two weeks.

JACKIE
Can’t do it.

FRANK
Impossible.
Genres: ["Drama","Comedy"]

Summary In a cramped doctor's exam room, Ruby translates for her parents, Frank and Jackie, as they discuss their embarrassing jock itch condition. Frank humorously exaggerates his symptoms, causing Ruby to feel mortified. The doctor prescribes antifungal cream and advises abstaining from sexual activity for two weeks, leading to disbelief and humor from Frank and Jackie. The scene captures the comedic tension of Ruby's embarrassment and her parents' humorous banter, culminating in their incredulous reaction to the doctor's advice.
Strengths
  • Witty dialogue
  • Authentic character interactions
  • Humorous tone
Weaknesses
  • Lack of significant plot progression
  • Low conflict level

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively blends humor and awkwardness, providing a light-hearted moment in the midst of the characters' daily struggles. The dialogue is witty and the situation relatable, making it engaging for the audience.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of translating a doctor's diagnosis of jock itch for her parents adds a unique and humorous element to the scene, showcasing the everyday challenges faced by the characters.

Plot: 7.5

While the scene does not significantly advance the main plot, it provides insight into the characters' personal lives and relationships, adding depth to their personalities.

Originality: 8

The scene offers a fresh approach to the common theme of family dynamics and medical situations. The dialogue feels authentic and the characters' reactions are relatable.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-developed, with their personalities shining through in their interactions during the scene. Ruby's role as the mediator between her parents adds depth to her character.

Character Changes: 5

While there is no significant character development in the scene, it does provide insight into the family dynamics and the roles each character plays within the unit.

Internal Goal: 8

Ruby's internal goal is to navigate the uncomfortable situation of translating embarrassing medical information for her parents. This reflects her desire to protect her parents and maintain their dignity.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to ensure her parents understand the doctor's instructions and follow the treatment plan for their jock itch. This reflects the immediate challenge of communicating sensitive information and enforcing lifestyle changes.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 4

The conflict in the scene is minimal, focusing more on the comedic exchange between the characters than on any significant tension or drama.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene comes from the characters' resistance to the doctor's instructions and Ruby's attempts to enforce them. The audience is unsure how the characters will react.

High Stakes: 3

The stakes in the scene are low, focusing more on the comedic situation than on any significant consequences for the characters.

Story Forward: 5

The scene does not significantly move the main story forward but adds depth to the characters and their relationships, enhancing the overall narrative.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected humor and character reactions to the medical situation. The audience is kept on their toes by the awkwardness of the dialogue.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict in this scene is the clash between personal privacy and the necessity of medical treatment. It challenges Ruby's beliefs about boundaries and openness within her family.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

The scene elicits a moderate level of emotional impact, primarily through humor and relatability. The audience may feel a sense of empathy or amusement at the characters' predicament.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is witty, humorous, and realistic, capturing the awkwardness of the situation while providing comedic relief. The banter between the family members feels authentic and engaging.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the humor, awkwardness, and relatable family dynamics. The dialogue and character interactions keep the audience invested.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by balancing humor with the seriousness of the medical situation. The rhythm of the dialogue keeps the scene engaging.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a dialogue-heavy comedic scene in a medical setting. The character actions and dialogue are clearly formatted.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a comedic family interaction in a medical setting. The pacing and dialogue flow naturally.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the awkwardness of Ruby's role as a translator for her parents, which is a unique and relatable situation. However, the humor derived from the explicit descriptions of their condition may come off as excessive or juvenile for some audiences, potentially detracting from the emotional weight of Ruby's discomfort.
  • The dialogue is sharp and humorous, but it could benefit from a more balanced approach. While the comedic elements are strong, the scene might also explore Ruby's emotional response to the situation more deeply. This could enhance the audience's connection to her character and the challenges she faces in her family dynamics.
  • The pacing of the scene feels rushed at times, particularly in the transitions between the humorous exchanges and the doctor's explanations. Allowing for brief pauses or reactions from Ruby could heighten the comedic effect and give the audience a moment to absorb the absurdity of the situation.
  • The doctor's character is somewhat underdeveloped. While he serves his purpose in delivering the medical information, adding a touch of personality or humor to his character could create a more engaging dynamic in the scene. This could also provide a contrast to Ruby's embarrassment and her parents' antics.
  • The ending of the scene, with Frank and Jackie’s incredulous reactions, is amusing but could be strengthened by Ruby's internal thoughts or feelings. A brief moment of reflection from Ruby could provide insight into her perspective on her parents' relationship and her role in their lives.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment where Ruby reacts internally to her parents' comments, perhaps through a voiceover or a brief monologue, to deepen the audience's understanding of her feelings about the situation.
  • Introduce a more distinct personality for the doctor, perhaps through a quirky habit or a humorous comment that contrasts with the awkwardness of the situation, making the scene more dynamic.
  • Allow for pauses in the dialogue to emphasize Ruby's discomfort and the absurdity of her parents' descriptions. This could enhance the comedic timing and give the audience a moment to react.
  • Explore the emotional stakes for Ruby further. Perhaps she could express a desire for her parents to be more responsible or to take their health seriously, adding depth to her character and the family dynamic.
  • Consider ending the scene with a visual cue or a physical reaction from Ruby that encapsulates her feelings, such as her burying her face in her hands or rolling her eyes, to leave a lasting impression of her embarrassment.



Scene 8 -  Dinner Table Distractions
EXT. ROSSI HOME - DECK - NIGHT

Ruby tries to focus on her homework as Jackie cooks. It’s not
easy - Jackie bangs pots and clangs lids. Frank noisily
scrapes the grill, oblivious to the racket. Leo swipes Tinder
on his iPhone, sound on.

Ruby puts her headphones on, drowning them out. Jackie hits
the table to get Ruby’s attention.

JACKIE
Take those off. It’s rude.

RUBY
(signed and spoken)
What’s rude is how noisy you guys
are!
(signed)
I can’t focus.


Jackie heads back to the kitchen, ushering Leo to the table.

JACKIE
(to Leo)
Go eat.

Frank sits. He lets out a fart. Ruby kicks his leg. He looks
up with feigned innocence.

FRANK
You know why God made farts smell?
So deaf people could enjoy them
too.

Frank grins. Ruby rolls her eyes. Jackie comes in with the
wine, taps on Ruby’s shoulders.

JACKIE
Don’t slouch. You’ll get stuck.

Ruby slumps more and puffs out her cheeks, makes her dad
laugh. Frank picks up a wine bottle, looks at the price.

FRANK
Fifteen bucks, really?

JACKIE
You choose weed, I choose wine.

Jackie looks over Leo’s shoulder as he Tinder swipes a couple
of girls. She whacks him.

JACKIE (CONT'D)
You don’t want her! Swipe left.
None of them smile?

LEO
So? She’s hot.

JACKIE
When I was modeling...

RUBY
(aloud)
Here we go.

FRANK RUBY (CONT'D)
Yes! Your mother was the (speaking aloud)
best. First year I met her ...she won the Yankee Miss
she won the Yankee Miss Pageant.
Pageant. Beat all those
hearing girls. She was hotter
than all of them.


Frank lovingly slaps her ass. Jackie beams, turns her
attention back to Tinder.

JACKIE
(back to the phone)
What about her?

RUBY
I thought we said no Tinder at the
table!? How is music rude but
Tinder’s okay?

JACKIE
Because Tinder is something we can
all do as a family.

Frank chews loudly and grins. Ruby stares at him. She looks
around at her crazy family.
Genres: ["Drama","Comedy"]

Summary In a lively scene on the Rossi home deck, Ruby struggles to focus on her homework amidst the noisy cooking and playful banter from her family. Jackie juggles managing the chaos while reminiscing about her modeling days and critiquing Leo's Tinder choices, leading to humorous exchanges. Frank lightens the mood with a fart joke, much to Ruby's annoyance. The scene captures the family's dynamic filled with playful teasing and warmth, highlighting Ruby's frustration against the backdrop of their chaotic yet loving environment.
Strengths
  • Authentic dialogue
  • Strong character dynamics
  • Humorous moments
Weaknesses
  • Lack of significant plot progression
  • Low conflict level

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively captures the essence of a chaotic yet loving family dinner, blending humor with genuine moments of connection. The dialogue is witty and engaging, providing insight into each character's quirks and relationships.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a family dinner as a setting to explore character dynamics and relationships is well-executed in this scene. It provides a glimpse into the daily lives of the characters and sets the stage for further development.

Plot: 7.5

While the scene doesn't significantly advance the main plot, it serves as a crucial moment for character development and relationship building. It adds depth to the characters and sets the tone for future interactions.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh and authentic portrayal of family interactions, with unique character dynamics and witty dialogue. The writer's original voice shines through in the realistic and relatable depiction of everyday moments.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-defined and their personalities shine through in their interactions during the dinner scene. Each character has distinct traits and quirks that make them memorable and engaging.

Character Changes: 7

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, it deepens the audience's understanding of the characters and their relationships, setting the stage for potential growth in future scenes.

Internal Goal: 8

Ruby's internal goal in this scene is to find a sense of peace and focus amidst the chaos of her family. This reflects her need for quiet and concentration, as well as her desire for understanding and respect from her family members.

External Goal: 7

Ruby's external goal is to maintain a sense of order and discipline within her family interactions. She wants to establish boundaries and rules for behavior at the dinner table.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 5

The conflict in the scene is minimal, focusing more on the comedic and lighthearted interactions between family members rather than intense drama or tension.

Opposition: 6

The opposition in the scene is moderate, with conflicts arising from the characters' differing values and behaviors. The audience is left wondering how Ruby will navigate the chaos of her family dynamics.

High Stakes: 4

The stakes in the scene are relatively low, focusing more on the everyday interactions and relationships within the family rather than high-stakes conflicts or events.

Story Forward: 7

The scene doesn't propel the main plot forward significantly, but it enriches the character development and relationships, laying the groundwork for future narrative developments.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected humor and banter between the characters. The audience is kept on their toes by the quirky interactions and surprising revelations.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the clash between individual freedom and family unity. Ruby questions the double standard of allowing Tinder at the table but not music, highlighting the different values and priorities within the family.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7.5

The scene elicits a range of emotions, from laughter to affection, as the audience witnesses the genuine connections between family members. It strikes a balance between humor and heartwarming moments.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is witty, humorous, and authentic, reflecting the unique personalities of each character. It drives the scene forward and adds depth to the relationships between family members.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its lively dialogue, relatable family dynamics, and humorous moments. The characters' interactions draw the audience in and create a sense of connection.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is well-balanced, with a mix of dialogue and action that keeps the momentum going. The rhythm of the interactions adds to the effectiveness of the scene.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene is well-formatted and easy to follow, with clear character actions and dialogue cues. The formatting enhances the readability and impact of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a natural flow of conversation and action, effectively capturing the chaotic yet cohesive nature of family interactions. The formatting aligns with the genre expectations for a domestic drama.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the chaotic and humorous dynamics of the Rossi family, showcasing their unique communication style and the challenges Ruby faces in her environment. The use of humor, particularly Frank's fart joke, adds levity to the scene, but it also risks overshadowing Ruby's struggle to concentrate, which is the primary conflict.
  • The dialogue is lively and reflects the characters' personalities well, but it could benefit from more depth in Ruby's reactions. While she rolls her eyes and makes sarcastic comments, exploring her internal thoughts or feelings about her family's noise could enhance the audience's connection to her character.
  • The scene's pacing is brisk, which suits the chaotic atmosphere, but it may feel overwhelming for the audience. Consider allowing moments of silence or slower pacing to emphasize Ruby's frustration and the contrast between her desire for focus and her family's distractions.
  • The visual elements are strong, with clear actions that illustrate the family's dynamics. However, incorporating more sensory details about the environment—like the smell of food or the warmth of the kitchen—could further immerse the audience in the scene and enhance the contrast between Ruby's focus and the chaos around her.
  • The ending feels abrupt, as it doesn't provide a clear resolution to Ruby's struggle. A moment of reflection or a small victory for Ruby, such as her finally getting a moment of quiet or a humorous retort that showcases her wit, could provide a more satisfying conclusion to the scene.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief internal monologue for Ruby to express her feelings about the noise and her family's antics, which would deepen her character and make her frustrations more relatable.
  • Introduce a moment where Ruby successfully asserts her need for quiet, perhaps by playfully negotiating with her family or finding a creative solution to escape the noise, which would provide a sense of agency.
  • Incorporate more sensory details to create a richer atmosphere, such as describing the aroma of the food Jackie is cooking or the sounds of the kitchen, which would enhance the chaotic environment.
  • Allow for a moment of silence or a slower beat in the dialogue to emphasize Ruby's frustration and give the audience a chance to absorb her feelings amidst the chaos.
  • Consider ending the scene with a humorous or poignant line from Ruby that encapsulates her feelings about her family, providing a stronger emotional resonance and a clearer conclusion.



Scene 9 -  The First Note: A Choral Challenge
INT. HIGH SCHOOL - CHOIR ROOM - DAY

First day of choir. KIDS stream in, take their seats. Ruby,
in a flannel, watches Miles socialize with some CHOIR GIRLS.
BERNARDO VILLALOBOS (quick-witted and wearing abnormally
tight pants) stands by the piano, coffee in hand.

BERNARDO
I did not tell you to sit! On your
feet, my friends. Up! They made my
latte with some kind of disgusting
nutmilk this morning, so I’m in a
mood. My name is Bernardo
Villalobos. Berrrnardo. If you
can’t roll your r’s, please don’t
embarrass yourself and just call me
Mr. V. Okay, all of you, on this
side. Come on, move! Let’s see if
you’re an alto, a soprano, or just
watched too many episodes of Glee.

He steps to the piano.

BERNARDO (CONT'D)
My birthday was last Tuesday, so in
lieu of gifts, I will be accepting
the Happy Birthday song. I do not
need an entire meal, I just want to
place your voice. You, Harry
Potter, let’s hear it.

Ruby watches as a BOY WITH ROUND GLASSES steps forward.


HARRY POTTER BOY
(singing)
Happy birthday to you...

BERNARDO
Tenor. Next.

Various kids step forward and sing. Bernardo barks out
critiques and directs them into their sections.

STIFF GIRL
(singing)
Happy birthday to you...

BERNARDO
Alto. Next!

DEEP VOICE BOY
(singing)
Happy birthday to you...

SOFT VOICE GIRL
(singing)
Happy Birthday...

MILES
(singing)
To you. Happy Birthday...

BROADWAY BOY
(singing)
Mr. Berrrrnardo!

VOCALIZING GIRL
(singing)
Happy Bir...ir...ir...

ADELE GIRL
(singing)
Happy birthday...

SMOOTH GUY
...to you.

BERNARDO
Suave. Tenor. Next.

Bernardo turns to Ruby, who has been watching this
progression of singers with growing terror.

BERNARDO (CONT'D)
Next. Yes, you! The red shirt.

Ruby steps to the front.


BERNARDO (CONT'D)
Bless me with your birthday wishes.

Ruby freezes. She glances at Miles, who’s staring right back
at her. She turns red. Bernardo catches this.

BERNARDO (CONT'D)
Forget the words? Don’t look at
them. They’re not gonna help you.

Ruby is unable to make a sound. Faces of judgement stare back
at her. She looks like she might be sick. Without a word, she
bolts from the room.

BERNARDO (CONT'D)
We have a runner!
Genres: ["Drama","Comedy","Musical"]

Summary On the first day of choir class, energetic teacher Bernardo Villalobos humorously assesses students' vocal ranges by having them sing 'Happy Birthday.' As confident classmates take their turns, Ruby, overwhelmed by anxiety, freezes when called to sing and ultimately flees the room in panic, leaving Bernardo to comment on her abrupt exit.
Strengths
  • Effective portrayal of vulnerability and embarrassment
  • Engaging character dynamics
  • Humorous dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Potential lack of depth in secondary characters
  • Slightly predictable outcome

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively captures the emotional turmoil of Ruby in a relatable and humorous way, providing insight into her character and setting up potential conflicts.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of Ruby facing a humiliating moment in the choir class adds depth to her character and sets up potential growth and conflicts in the story.

Plot: 8

The plot advances as Ruby faces a challenging situation in the choir class, setting up potential conflicts and character development in future scenes.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on the high school choir setting, with unique character dynamics and comedic elements. The dialogue feels authentic and the characters' actions are relatable.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters, especially Ruby and Bernardo, are well-defined and their interactions add depth to the scene. Ruby's vulnerability and Bernardo's sharp wit create engaging dynamics.

Character Changes: 7

Ruby experiences a moment of humiliation and self-awareness, which could lead to potential growth and development in her character arc.

Internal Goal: 8

Ruby's internal goal in this scene is to overcome her fear of singing in front of others and to prove herself as a capable singer. This reflects her deeper need for validation and acceptance.

External Goal: 7

Ruby's external goal is to impress Bernardo and her peers with her singing ability. This reflects the immediate challenge she faces in the choir room.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict arises from Ruby's embarrassment and the potential challenges she may face in the choir class, setting up internal and external conflicts for the character.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Ruby facing the challenge of singing in front of her peers and overcoming her fear of failure. The audience is kept on edge as they wonder how Ruby will handle the situation.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are relatively high for Ruby in terms of social standing and personal growth, as her embarrassing moment in the choir class could have lasting effects on her relationships and self-esteem.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing a new setting, potential conflicts, and character dynamics that could impact the narrative progression.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because it keeps the audience guessing about Ruby's performance and the outcome of the choir audition. The unexpected reactions of the characters add a layer of suspense to the scene.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between the fear of failure and the desire for success. Ruby's fear of embarrassment and judgement clashes with her desire to prove herself as a talented singer.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene evokes a strong emotional response from the audience, particularly in relation to Ruby's embarrassment and vulnerability, creating a relatable and engaging moment.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue effectively conveys the humor, tension, and dynamics between the characters, enhancing the scene's emotional impact.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it combines humor, tension, and relatable character dynamics to keep the audience invested in Ruby's journey. The comedic elements add a lighthearted touch to the tense situation.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by balancing humor with tension, allowing for moments of comedic relief and character development. The rhythm of the dialogue and actions keeps the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with clear scene descriptions, character actions, and dialogue. The formatting enhances the readability and flow of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a high school comedy genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the effectiveness of the scene.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes the high-energy atmosphere of a choir class, with Bernardo's humorous and commanding presence setting the tone. However, the pacing could be improved by tightening the dialogue and transitions between students to maintain momentum and keep the audience engaged.
  • Ruby's internal conflict is well-presented through her physical reactions and the mounting pressure as she watches her peers sing. However, the scene could benefit from more internal dialogue or visual cues that illustrate her anxiety, allowing the audience to connect more deeply with her fear of judgment.
  • Bernardo's character is colorful and entertaining, but his humor may come off as harsh to some viewers. Balancing his comedic style with moments of genuine encouragement could create a more nuanced character and make the choir environment feel more supportive.
  • The use of the 'Happy Birthday' song as a means to categorize vocal ranges is clever, but it may feel repetitive. Introducing a variety of songs or vocal exercises could add diversity to the scene and showcase different talents among the students.
  • The abruptness of Ruby's exit is impactful, but it could be enhanced by building up her internal struggle further before she bolts. A moment of hesitation or a brief flashback to a past experience could heighten the emotional stakes and make her departure more poignant.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief internal monologue for Ruby as she watches her classmates sing, which could provide insight into her feelings of inadequacy and fear.
  • Introduce a moment where Bernardo acknowledges Ruby's presence before calling her up, perhaps with a light-hearted comment that could ease her tension and make the audience root for her.
  • Incorporate a few more diverse vocal exercises or songs during the auditions to showcase the range of talents in the choir, which could also serve to highlight Ruby's unique voice when she finally sings.
  • Explore the dynamics between Ruby and Miles further, perhaps by having him offer her a supportive smile or gesture before she sings, which could add depth to their relationship and increase the stakes of her performance.
  • Consider ending the scene with a moment of silence after Ruby bolts, allowing the audience to absorb the weight of her departure and the reactions of her classmates, which could enhance the emotional impact.



Scene 10 -  Echoes of Conflict
EXT. MANSHIP QUARRY - WOODS - DAY

Ruby treks through the woods alone. Breaking through the
trees, she reaches a massive granite quarry. It’s breath-
taking. She sits on the sheer edge, looking out over the
lake. She starts to sing “HAPPY BIRTHDAY.” Her voice is
lovely and clear, echoing off the quarry walls.


INT. ROSSI HOME - KITCHEN/DECK - NIGHT

In her pajamas, Ruby pulls a load out of the laundry, then
heads out of the kitchen. As she passes the porch, she
notices her parents heatedly arguing. She watches, unseen.

JACKIE
The card was declined!

FRANK
I’ll move money around tomorrow.

JACKIE
It’s so embarrassing!

FRANK
What do you want me to do? I gotta
pay for ice, fuel!

JACKIE
Maybe we should sell the boat?

FRANK
And then what? It’s the one thing I
know how to do!


Ruby closes her eyes. She doesn’t want to watch her parents
fight. This is how she turns it off. When she opens her eyes
again, Frank leans against the counter, defeated.

FRANK (CONT'D)
If we lose that boat, we got
nothing.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary In a serene granite quarry, Ruby finds solace in nature, singing 'HAPPY BIRTHDAY' as her voice harmonizes with the beauty around her. However, the tranquility is shattered when she returns home to witness her parents, Jackie and Frank, embroiled in a heated argument over their financial struggles. Jackie suggests selling their boat, while Frank vehemently defends its importance to their identity. The scene shifts from Ruby's peaceful escape to the tense reality of her family's discord, leaving her emotionally affected as she tries to block out the conflict.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth of characters
  • Effective portrayal of family struggle
  • Setting up future conflicts
Weaknesses
  • Limited dialogue

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys the emotional turmoil of the characters and sets up a significant conflict that adds depth to the story.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of family struggle and resilience is effectively explored, adding layers to the characters and their motivations.

Plot: 8

The plot progresses significantly with the introduction of the financial crisis faced by Ruby's family, setting up future conflicts and character arcs.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh take on the theme of family dynamics and financial struggles, with authentic character interactions and emotional depth.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed and their emotional depth is effectively conveyed, especially in the context of the financial struggles they face.

Character Changes: 8

The scene marks a significant turning point for Ruby and her family, leading to potential character growth and development.

Internal Goal: 8

Ruby's internal goal in this scene is to find a way to cope with her parents' financial stress and their arguments. She wants to find a way to escape from the tension and conflict.

External Goal: 7

Ruby's external goal is to maintain a sense of normalcy and stability in her family despite the financial difficulties they are facing.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict between Ruby's parents regarding their financial situation adds tension and drama to the scene.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting viewpoints and emotional stakes that keep the audience engaged.

High Stakes: 9

The high stakes involved in the potential loss of the family's livelihood add urgency and tension to the scene.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by introducing a key conflict and setting up future plot developments.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected turn in the argument between Ruby's parents and the emotional impact it has on Ruby.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between financial security and personal fulfillment. Frank values the boat as a source of income and identity, while Jackie sees it as a burden that causes embarrassment.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes a strong emotional response from the audience, particularly in relation to the struggles faced by Ruby's family.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue effectively conveys the tension and emotions of the scene, adding depth to the character interactions.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the emotional intensity and relatable family dynamics portrayed.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and emotion, leading to a satisfying resolution.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with clear scene headings and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a drama genre, with a clear setup of conflict and resolution.


Critique
  • The transition from the serene setting of the granite quarry to the tension-filled kitchen is effective, but the emotional weight of Ruby's singing could be enhanced. The juxtap of her beautiful voice against her parents' argument is poignant, yet the scene could benefit from more sensory details to immerse the audience in Ruby's experience. For instance, describing the acoustics of the quarry or the way the sun reflects off the lake could heighten the contrast between her peaceful moment and the chaos at home.
  • Ruby's internal conflict is hinted at through her desire to escape her parents' argument, but this could be more explicitly conveyed. The scene could explore her emotional state further, perhaps by showing her physical reactions to the argument or her thoughts as she listens. This would deepen the audience's connection to Ruby and her struggles.
  • The dialogue between Jackie and Frank is realistic and captures the tension of financial strain, but it could be more dynamic. Adding subtext or emotional undertones to their exchanges could make the argument feel more layered. For example, instead of just stating the facts, they could express their fears or frustrations more vividly, which would resonate with Ruby's feelings of helplessness.
  • The scene ends somewhat abruptly after Frank's line about losing the boat. While this line is impactful, it could be strengthened by showing Ruby's reaction to this statement. Does she feel anger, sadness, or a sense of responsibility? Including her emotional response would provide a more satisfying conclusion to the scene and set up her character's arc more clearly.
Suggestions
  • Incorporate more sensory details in the quarry scene to enhance the beauty of Ruby's singing and the tranquility of the setting. Describe the sounds, sights, and even smells to create a vivid contrast with the later argument.
  • Explore Ruby's internal thoughts and feelings more deeply as she listens to her parents argue. Consider using voiceover or internal monologue to give insight into her emotional turmoil.
  • Add layers to Jackie and Frank's dialogue by including emotional subtext. Show their fears and frustrations about their financial situation, which would make their argument feel more relatable and impactful.
  • Include Ruby's reaction to her parents' argument, especially after Frank's line about losing the boat. This could be a moment of realization for her, highlighting her internal conflict and setting the stage for her character development.



Scene 11 -  Caught in the Tide of Change
EXT. ANGELA ROSE DECK - OPEN OCEAN - MORNING

Ruby cleans fish in a bucket with her boot. She pulls a hose
in to wash the deck, but her eyes aren’t on her work, they
keep drifting over to Frank, who looks lost in thought. He
sits on the rail, smoking, looking out over the ocean.


EXT. SALGADO FISH WHARF - LATE MORNING

Frank does paperwork as Ruby and Leo finish unloading fish.
Frank notices Tony Salgado addressing a group of fishermen
gathered at the end of the wharf, including Brady, CHUBS (big
and congenial), JIMMY (rough, 30s), and MONDO (Hispanic,
20s). Frank gestures to Ruby and Leo to join him.

As Ruby and Leo climb up, Frank points out the group.

FRANK
What’s going on?

RUBY
I don’t know.

They join the crowd, which is mid-discussion.

BRADY
I thought they weren’t gonna do
this observer shit!

TONY
Hey, I ain’t making the rules, I’m
just telling you how it is.

BRADY
Yeah, well how it is I can barely
feed my family.

MONDO
It’s bullshit.

As the fishermen talk, Ruby interprets.


TONY
The Feds are insisting on “at sea
monitors.” Observers are gonna come
onto your boat to make sure you’re
not breakin’ any rules.

BRADY
That’s outta my pocket? So I gotta
pay to have a spy on my boat?

CHUBS
How much is that gonna cost?

TONY
Eight hundred bucks a day.

MONDO
Come on, that’s gonna kill us.

Ruby turns to Frank, delivering this blow.

RUBY
Eight hundred a day.

FRANK
That’s more than we make in a day.

RUBY
Don’t tell me, tell them.

Ruby gestures that he should address the group. Frank shakes
her off, not comfortable speaking up.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary On the deck of the Angela Rose, Ruby cleans fish while observing a contemplative Frank. They later join fishermen at the Salgado Fish Wharf, where Tony Salgado reveals new federal regulations mandating costly 'at sea monitors.' The fishermen express their frustration over the financial burden, and Ruby urges Frank to voice their concerns, but he hesitates, leaving the group's anxiety unresolved.
Strengths
  • Intense conflict
  • Realistic portrayal of financial struggles
  • Emotional depth
Weaknesses
  • Limited character development in this specific scene

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys the high stakes and emotional turmoil faced by the characters, drawing the audience into the dilemma they are experiencing.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring the financial challenges faced by the fishermen due to new regulations is compelling and adds depth to the storyline, showcasing the realistic struggles of working in the fishing industry.

Plot: 8.5

The plot progression in the scene is significant as it introduces a major conflict that will likely have repercussions for the characters moving forward. The financial dilemma adds complexity to the narrative.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh perspective on the challenges faced by fishermen in the modern world, blending traditional themes of community and survival with contemporary issues of government regulation and technology. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and grounded in reality.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-developed, with their frustrations and concerns effectively portrayed. The dynamics between the fishermen and their reactions to the new regulations add depth to their personalities.

Character Changes: 7

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the introduction of the financial dilemma sets the stage for potential growth and development in the characters as they navigate the challenges ahead.

Internal Goal: 9

Ruby's internal goal in this scene is to protect her family and livelihood by addressing the issue of the expensive 'at sea monitors' with Frank and the other fishermen. This reflects her deeper need for security and stability.

External Goal: 8

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to navigate the new government regulations regarding 'at sea monitors' and their financial implications for the fishermen. This reflects the immediate challenge they are facing in maintaining their livelihood.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The level of conflict in the scene is high, with the fishermen facing a significant challenge that threatens their way of life. The arguments and disagreements raise the stakes and create a sense of urgency.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the fishermen facing a significant challenge in the form of expensive government regulations that threaten their way of life.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in the scene as the fishermen face the possibility of financial ruin due to the new regulations. The outcome of their dilemma will have a significant impact on their lives and futures.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by introducing a major conflict that will have repercussions for the characters and their livelihoods. It sets the stage for future developments and adds depth to the narrative.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because it introduces a new challenge for the characters that adds complexity to the narrative and raises questions about their future.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict in this scene is the clash between the fishermen's traditional way of life and the government regulations that threaten their livelihood. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs about autonomy and self-sufficiency.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene has a strong emotional impact, eliciting feelings of anxiety, frustration, and defiance from the characters. The audience is likely to empathize with the fishermen's struggles and feel invested in their predicament.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is impactful, conveying the tension and conflict within the scene. The arguments and discussions between the characters feel authentic and heighten the emotional intensity.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it presents a relatable conflict that resonates with the audience, drawing them into the characters' struggles and dilemmas.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by gradually building tension and conflict, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the characters' struggles.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting that enhances readability.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with a clear setup of the conflict, development of character relationships, and a resolution that sets up future conflicts.


Critique
  • The scene effectively transitions from the previous moment of Frank's defeat to a new conflict regarding the financial burden of federal regulations. This creates a sense of continuity and builds on the family's struggles, which is a strong narrative choice.
  • The dialogue captures the frustration and camaraderie among the fishermen, effectively showcasing their shared plight. However, the dialogue could benefit from more distinct voices for each character to enhance their individuality and make the scene more dynamic.
  • Ruby's role as an interpreter is crucial, but her internal conflict about her father's reluctance to speak up could be more pronounced. This would add depth to her character and highlight the pressure she feels to advocate for her family.
  • The visual imagery of the ocean and the fishing wharf is evocative, but the emotional weight of the scene could be enhanced by incorporating more sensory details. For example, describing the sounds of the ocean, the smell of fish, or the expressions on the fishermen's faces could immerse the audience further into the setting.
  • Frank's hesitation to speak up is a pivotal moment, but it could be more impactful if the scene included a moment of Ruby's internal struggle or a flashback to a previous instance where Frank's silence led to negative consequences. This would provide context for her frustration and deepen the emotional stakes.
Suggestions
  • Consider giving each fisherman a unique catchphrase or mannerism to differentiate their voices and personalities, making the dialogue more engaging.
  • Add a moment where Ruby reflects on her father's silence, perhaps through a brief internal monologue or a visual cue, to emphasize her frustration and desire for him to take action.
  • Incorporate more sensory details to enhance the atmosphere of the scene, such as the sounds of the ocean, the smell of fish, or the expressions of the fishermen as they react to the news.
  • Explore the possibility of including a brief flashback or memory that illustrates the consequences of Frank's previous hesitations, reinforcing Ruby's urgency for him to speak up.
  • Consider ending the scene with a stronger emotional beat, perhaps by having Ruby express her disappointment more directly or by showing a moment of solidarity among the fishermen that contrasts with Frank's reluctance.



Scene 12 -  Finding Her Voice
INT. HIGH SCHOOL - CHOIR ROOM - DAY

Ruby enters between classes. She finds Bernardo alone,
sitting at the piano, eyes closed.

RUBY
(hesitant)
Mr. V?

BERNARDO
I’m meditating.

He opens one eye, checks his phone timer. Closes his eyes.

BERNARDO (CONT'D)
Two minutes to go.

RUBY
Okay. Do you want me to wait or --


Bernardo opens his eyes, pauses the timer.

BERNARDO
Most people who are terrified of
singing don’t sign up for choir.

Ruby nods, not sure how to explain herself.

RUBY
Other kids make me nervous. I used
to get made fun of. I talked funny
when I first started school.

BERNARDO
You’re the girl with the deaf
family?

Ruby nods. Bernardo looks her over.

BERNARDO (CONT'D)
Everyone but you?

RUBY
Yeah.

BERNARDO
And you sing? Interesting. Are you
any good?

RUBY
I don’t know.

BERNARDO
Why did you run out of class?

RUBY
I got scared.

BERNARDO
Of what? Other kids?

RUBY
Maybe. Or maybe finding out that
I’m bad.

BERNARDO
Do you know what Bowie said about
Bob Dylan? “A voice like sand and
glue.” There are plenty of pretty
voices with nothing to say. Do you
have something to say?

RUBY
I think so.


BERNARDO
Good. Then, I’ll see you in class,
Bob.

He shoos her out with a wave. As Ruby leaves, a timer goes
off on his phone, signaling the end of his meditation.
Bernardo sighs, annoyed.

BERNARDO (CONT'D)
(calling after Ruby)
Thank you. Thank you!
Genres: ["Drama","Coming-of-age"]

Summary In the high school choir room, Ruby hesitantly approaches her teacher, Bernardo, who is meditating at the piano. She opens up about her fear of singing and her experiences with bullying, revealing her insecurities stemming from coming from a deaf family. Bernardo encourages her to express herself and question whether she has something meaningful to say. Despite her nervousness, Ruby believes she does. The scene captures a mix of vulnerability and encouragement, ending with Bernardo returning to his meditation as the timer goes off, signaling a moment of normalcy.
Strengths
  • Authentic dialogue
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
Weaknesses
  • Limited external conflict
  • Lack of visual dynamics

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively delves into Ruby's internal struggles and sets up a significant character arc. The dialogue is engaging, and the tension is palpable, making the audience empathize with Ruby's fears.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of Ruby overcoming her fear of singing is compelling and relatable. It adds depth to her character and sets the stage for her growth throughout the story.

Plot: 8

The plot progresses by focusing on Ruby's internal struggle and her interaction with Bernardo. It sets up a significant turning point in Ruby's journey.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh approach to the theme of self-expression and overcoming fear, with authentic character interactions and dialogue that feel genuine and relatable.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters, especially Ruby and Bernardo, are well-developed and engaging. Their interactions reveal layers of complexity and add depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 8

Ruby undergoes a significant change in confronting her fear of singing and seeking support from Bernardo. This sets her on a path of growth and self-discovery.

Internal Goal: 8

Ruby's internal goal in this scene is to overcome her fear of singing and gain confidence in her abilities. This reflects her deeper need for acceptance and self-expression.

External Goal: 7.5

Ruby's external goal is to navigate the social dynamics of high school and find her place in the choir class. This reflects the immediate challenge she faces in overcoming her fear of judgment and rejection.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

The conflict in the scene is primarily internal, focusing on Ruby's fear of singing and her past experiences. It sets up a personal struggle for the character.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, as Ruby faces internal and external challenges that push her out of her comfort zone and force her to confront her fears and insecurities.

High Stakes: 6

The stakes are personal for Ruby, as overcoming her fear of singing is crucial for her growth and self-expression.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by establishing Ruby's internal conflict and setting up a key moment in her character development.

Unpredictability: 7.5

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected interactions between Ruby and Bernardo, the shifting power dynamics, and the emotional revelations that challenge the audience's expectations.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the value of authenticity and self-expression versus conformity and fear of judgment. Bernardo challenges Ruby to find her unique voice and message, rather than conforming to societal expectations.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene evokes empathy and emotional connection with Ruby's journey, making the audience root for her success.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is authentic and emotional, capturing Ruby's vulnerability and Bernardo's supportive nature effectively.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the emotional depth, relatable character struggles, and the tension between the characters that keeps the audience invested in Ruby's journey.

Pacing: 8.5

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension, revealing character motivations, and advancing the dialogue in a natural and engaging way that keeps the audience invested in the interaction between Ruby and Bernardo.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting that enhances readability and clarity.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a character-driven dialogue scene, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution that advances the narrative and develops the characters.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes Ruby's anxiety about singing and her background, particularly her connection to her deaf family. However, the dialogue could be more dynamic. Ruby's responses often feel passive, which may not fully convey her internal struggle. Consider giving her more assertive or vivid reactions to Bernardo's questions to enhance her character's depth.
  • Bernardo's character comes across as quirky and somewhat dismissive, which can be engaging, but it risks alienating Ruby. His abruptness could be softened to create a more supportive atmosphere, allowing for a more nuanced mentor-student relationship. This would help balance the humor with the emotional weight of Ruby's fears.
  • The dialogue includes some insightful moments, particularly with the Bowie quote, but it could benefit from more specificity regarding Ruby's feelings. Instead of just saying she thinks she has something to say, she could share a brief anecdote or a specific emotion tied to her singing, which would make her character more relatable and her motivations clearer.
  • The pacing of the scene feels slightly rushed, especially in the transition from Ruby's entrance to the conversation with Bernardo. Allowing for a moment of silence or a more gradual build-up to their exchange could enhance the tension and give the audience a better sense of Ruby's apprehension.
  • The ending, where Bernardo shoos Ruby out, feels abrupt and somewhat dismissive. It might be more impactful if he offered a more encouraging or thought-provoking statement before she leaves, reinforcing the idea that he sees potential in her despite her fears.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment where Ruby physically expresses her anxiety, such as fidgeting or avoiding eye contact, to visually convey her discomfort.
  • Enhance Bernardo's character by incorporating a brief moment of vulnerability or insight that shows he understands Ruby's fears, perhaps by sharing a personal anecdote about his own struggles with performance.
  • Include a specific example of what Ruby wants to express through her singing, which could help the audience connect with her aspirations and fears on a deeper level.
  • Slow down the pacing by adding a few beats of silence or reflection after key lines, allowing the audience to absorb the emotional weight of the conversation.
  • Revise the ending to include a more supportive farewell from Bernardo, perhaps suggesting that Ruby take her time to find her voice, which would leave her feeling more empowered as she exits.



Scene 13 -  Generational Tensions
INT. ROSSI HOME - DECK/KITCHEN/LIVING ROOM - AFTERNOON

Leo lounges in an armchair on the deck, swiping Tinder.
Jackie preps dinner in the kitchen. She looks up as Ruby and
Gertie walk in. She waves down the girls, nodding hello to
Gertie before turning to Ruby.

JACKIE
Do you have a second to call
Grandma?

RUBY
Use the video relay.

JACKIE
It’s awkward to talk to a stranger.

RUBY
(signed and spoken)
I have a friend over!

Leo interjects, exasperated with his mom.

LEO
Leave her alone. She’s with a
friend.

Ruby, momentarily freed, yanks her friend away. Gertie checks
Leo out as she goes.

GERTIE
Damn, Leo got hot.

RUBY
Ew.

GERTIE
What? He can’t hear me.
Genres: ["Drama","Comedy"]

Summary In this light and humorous scene, Leo relaxes on the deck swiping through Tinder while Jackie attempts to persuade Ruby to call her grandmother from the kitchen. Ruby resists, suggesting a video relay instead, which Jackie finds awkward. Leo, annoyed by his mother's insistence, defends Ruby's desire to hang out with her friend Gertie. Gertie comments on Leo's attractiveness, prompting Ruby to express her disgust, highlighting the generational gap and Ruby's quest for independence.
Strengths
  • Authentic dialogue
  • Character development
  • Humorous interactions
Weaknesses
  • Limited plot progression
  • Low stakes

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively portrays the family's dynamics through humor and light-hearted interactions, providing insight into each character's personality.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of showcasing family dynamics through humor and banter is well-executed, adding depth to the characters and advancing the plot.

Plot: 7.5

While the plot does not significantly progress in this scene, it provides valuable insight into the characters' relationships and sets the stage for future developments.

Originality: 8

The scene presents a fresh take on family dynamics and communication, exploring the tensions between privacy and connection within a modern setting. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and relatable, adding to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed and their unique personalities shine through in their interactions, adding depth and authenticity to the scene.

Character Changes: 6

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, it provides insight into the characters' personalities and relationships, setting the stage for potential growth.

Internal Goal: 8

Ruby's internal goal in this scene is to maintain her privacy and autonomy in her interactions with her family. She desires to assert her independence and boundaries, as seen in her reluctance to call her grandmother and her frustration with her mother's intrusion.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to spend time with her friend Gertie without interruptions from her family. Ruby wants to enjoy her time with her friend and avoid awkward or uncomfortable situations.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 5

While there is some tension and conflict in the scene, it is primarily light-hearted and serves to highlight the family's dynamics rather than drive a major plot point.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create tension and conflict between the characters, particularly between Ruby and her mother. The audience is unsure of how the characters will navigate their differences and resolve their conflicts.

High Stakes: 4

The stakes are relatively low in this scene, focusing more on character dynamics and relationships rather than high-stakes conflicts or events.

Story Forward: 7

The scene contributes to character development and sets the stage for future plot developments, moving the story forward in a subtle yet meaningful way.

Unpredictability: 6

This scene is unpredictable because it introduces tensions and conflicts between the characters that are not immediately resolved. The audience is left wondering how the relationships and dynamics will evolve in future scenes.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the balance between family obligations and personal boundaries. Ruby's desire for privacy clashes with her mother's expectations of communication and connection within the family.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6.5

The scene elicits a range of emotions, from humor to embarrassment, creating a relatable and engaging experience for the audience.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is witty, humorous, and reflective of each character's personality, enhancing the scene's authenticity and entertainment value.

Engagement: 8

This scene is engaging because it captures the relatable dynamics of a family, with conflicts and interactions that draw the audience into the characters' lives. The dialogue and character relationships create a sense of intrigue and familiarity.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by balancing dialogue, action, and character interactions to create a natural flow of events. The rhythm of the scene keeps the audience engaged and interested in the characters' relationships.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting. The visual descriptions and character actions are well-defined, enhancing the readability of the scene.

Structure: 9

The scene follows the expected structure for a domestic drama genre, with clear character introductions, conflicts, and resolutions. The pacing and rhythm of the scene contribute to its effectiveness in conveying the family dynamics and tensions.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the dynamics of a typical family interaction, showcasing the tension between Ruby's desire for independence and her mother's expectations. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtext to deepen the emotional stakes. For instance, Jackie’s insistence on Ruby calling Grandma could reflect deeper issues of family obligation versus personal freedom, which could be explored further.
  • The humor in Gertie's comment about Leo being attractive adds a light-hearted touch, but it feels somewhat disconnected from the main conflict of the scene. This could be an opportunity to explore Ruby's feelings about her brother's attractiveness and how it complicates her relationship with her friends, adding layers to her character.
  • The pacing of the scene feels a bit rushed, particularly in the transitions between dialogue. Allowing for more pauses or reactions could enhance the comedic timing and give the audience a moment to absorb the interactions. For example, after Gertie's comment about Leo, a brief pause for Ruby's disgust could amplify the humor.
  • The visual elements of the scene are not fully utilized. Describing the setting in more detail could help ground the audience in the Rossi home environment. For instance, mentioning the smells of dinner cooking or the clutter of the living space could create a more vivid picture.
  • The conflict in the scene is somewhat muted. While there is a clear desire from Jackie for Ruby to engage with family, the stakes feel low. Exploring Ruby's internal struggle about her responsibilities versus her desire to hang out with Gertie could heighten the tension and make the scene more impactful.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more subtext to Jackie's dialogue to reflect her deeper concerns about family connections and Ruby's independence. This could create a richer emotional landscape.
  • Explore Ruby's feelings about her brother's attractiveness and how it affects her friendships. This could add complexity to her character and the dynamics in the scene.
  • Slow down the pacing by incorporating pauses or reactions after key lines, especially after Gertie's comment about Leo. This will enhance comedic timing and allow the audience to connect with the characters' emotions.
  • Enhance the visual description of the setting to create a more immersive experience for the audience. Include sensory details that reflect the atmosphere of the Rossi home.
  • Increase the stakes of the conflict by delving into Ruby's internal struggle regarding her family obligations versus her desire for independence. This could make the scene more engaging and relatable.



Scene 14 -  Flirting and Confusion
INT. ROSSI HOME - RUBY’S ROOM - EVENING

Gertie sprawls across Ruby’s bed. Ruby takes out a record and
puts it on an old Fisher Price record player.

GERTIE
Does he work out, or are those like
fishing muscles?

RUBY
OK, stop. You cannot date my
brother.

GERTIE
Why?

RUBY
Because for you, “dating” just
means sex, which I don’t even want
to think about!

GERTIE
Okay, I’m sure he doesn’t need his
little sister protecting him.

RUBY
Will you go back to trying to get
with teachers? It’s more
entertaining.

Ruby drops the needle onto the record. “My Pal Foot Foot” by
the Shaggs plays. Ruby dances across the room to Gertie.

GERTIE
Oh, okay.
(re: the music)
What the hell are we listening to?

Ruby grins and flops onto the bed next to Gertie, holding up
the record cover with delight.

RUBY
The Shaggs!
(laughs)
This song is called “My Pal Foot
Foot.”

GERTIE
Ruby.

RUBY
Wait, wait...

The chorus of the song kicks in. It’s weird.


RUBY (CONT'D)
That’s my favorite part, right
there!

GERTIE
You find the weirdest shit. Did you
get this in the dollar bin?
(beat)
Wait, I have a serious question.
What’s the sign for, um, for
“You’re really smoking hot”?

RUBY
No.

GERTIE
What about like “We should totally
get it on”?

RUBY
No!

GERTIE
Is it just... this?

Gertie thrusts her hips up and down.

RUBY
Oh my God. No. Stop!

GERTIE
Then show me!

Ruby gives her a hard look, but then smiles, caving.


INT. ROSSI HOME - STAIRS/LIVING ROOM - EVENING

Gertie exits. Leo is lying on the couch. She smiles at him
and SIGNS.

He stares at her. She winks and exits. Ruby appears.

LEO
What’s up with Gertie? She just
told me she has herpes.
Genres: ["Drama","Comedy"]

Summary In Ruby's room, Gertie lounges on the bed while Ruby plays a record by The Shaggs. They discuss Ruby's disapproval of Gertie dating her brother, leading to playful banter about flirting. The scene shifts to the living room where Gertie humorously confuses Leo with a comment about herpes, highlighting the light-hearted and comedic tone of their interactions.
Strengths
  • Witty dialogue
  • Character development
  • Humorous tone
Weaknesses
  • Lack of plot progression
  • Low stakes

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively captures the light-hearted and humorous tone through the witty dialogue and playful exchanges between Ruby and Gertie, providing insight into their relationship and adding a comedic element to the overall narrative.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of showcasing the banter and teasing between Ruby and Gertie adds depth to their characters and provides a moment of levity in the narrative, balancing the more serious themes explored in other scenes.

Plot: 7.5

While the scene doesn't significantly advance the main plot, it serves as a character-building moment for Ruby and Gertie, offering insight into their personalities and relationships.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh take on sibling relationships and boundaries, with a mix of humor and sincerity in the characters' interactions. The dialogue feels authentic and relatable, adding depth to the characters' personalities.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The scene effectively develops the characters of Ruby and Gertie, showcasing their unique personalities, humor, and the dynamics of their friendship.

Character Changes: 5

While there is no significant character change in this scene, it further establishes the relationship between Ruby and Gertie.

Internal Goal: 8

Ruby's internal goal in this scene is to protect her brother from Gertie's advances and maintain a sense of boundaries in their relationship. This reflects her deeper need for family loyalty and her fear of her brother being hurt or taken advantage of.

External Goal: 7

Ruby's external goal is to prevent Gertie from pursuing her brother romantically and to redirect Gertie's attention elsewhere. This reflects the immediate challenge of managing interpersonal relationships within the family dynamic.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 4

The scene lacks significant conflict, focusing more on the comedic interaction between Ruby and Gertie.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting values and desires between the characters that create tension and uncertainty in their interactions. The audience is left unsure of how the conflicts will be resolved.

High Stakes: 2

The scene has low stakes, focusing more on character dynamics and humor than on significant plot developments.

Story Forward: 5

The scene does not significantly move the main story forward but provides insight into the characters' personalities and relationships.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists in the characters' dialogue and actions, keeping the audience on their toes and adding a sense of spontaneity to the interactions.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the differing values of familial loyalty and personal boundaries. Ruby values protecting her brother and maintaining a sense of propriety, while Gertie is more carefree and flirtatious, challenging Ruby's beliefs about relationships and boundaries.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

The scene elicits a light-hearted and amused emotional response from the audience, primarily through the witty dialogue and playful banter.

Dialogue: 9

The witty and humorous dialogue between Ruby and Gertie drives the scene, adding depth to their characters and providing comedic relief within the narrative.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the witty banter, dynamic character interactions, and emotional depth that draw the audience into the relationships and conflicts between the characters.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a balance of dialogue, action, and emotional beats that maintain the audience's interest and drive the scene forward effectively.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings, dialogue formatting, and action descriptions that enhance the readability and flow of the script.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a natural progression of dialogue and action, building tension and humor through the characters' interactions. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the effectiveness of the scene.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the playful dynamic between Ruby and Gertie, showcasing their friendship and the light-heartedness of teenage interactions. However, the dialogue could benefit from more depth to enhance character development. While the humor is present, exploring the underlying insecurities or motivations of Ruby and Gertie could add layers to their conversation.
  • The use of the Shaggs' song adds a quirky and nostalgic element, which fits well with Ruby's character. However, the scene could be strengthened by incorporating more sensory details about the music and the atmosphere in the room. Describing how the music makes them feel or how it influences their actions could create a more immersive experience for the audience.
  • The transition from the playful banter to Gertie's serious question about flirting signs feels abrupt. While it serves to introduce a humorous moment, it might be more effective if the conversation flowed more naturally into this topic. Consider building up to it with a more gradual shift in tone or context.
  • The ending line about Leo and Gertie's comment on herpes is humorous but could be perceived as jarring. It might be beneficial to provide a clearer emotional or narrative connection to this line, perhaps by hinting at Leo's reaction or Ruby's response to it, to maintain the scene's overall tone.
  • The scene lacks a clear emotional arc or conflict. While it is entertaining, adding a subtle tension or underlying issue that Ruby is grappling with could enhance the stakes and make the scene more impactful. This could be related to her feelings about her brother, her own insecurities, or her relationship with Gertie.
Suggestions
  • Consider deepening the dialogue to reveal more about Ruby and Gertie's personalities and backgrounds. This could involve discussing their dreams, fears, or experiences that shape their views on relationships.
  • Incorporate more sensory details about the music and the environment. Describe how the room feels, the colors, and the energy of the moment to create a more vivid scene.
  • Smooth the transition into Gertie's serious question about flirting by introducing a related topic beforehand, such as discussing crushes or past relationships, to make it feel more organic.
  • Clarify the emotional response to Leo's comment about herpes. Perhaps show Ruby's reaction or include a humorous retort to maintain the light-hearted tone while also providing closure to the scene.
  • Introduce a subtle conflict or emotional undertone that Ruby is dealing with, such as her feelings about her brother dating or her own insecurities about relationships, to give the scene more depth and resonance.



Scene 15 -  Finding Confidence in Song
INT. HIGH SCHOOL - CHOIR ROOM - LATER

The choir sings “Let’s Get it On” by Marvin Gaye like it’s a
funeral dirge. Bernardo rants.


BERNARDO
Energy! I’m falling asleep! Guys,
sounds like a funeral.

Bernardo stops playing.

BERNARDO (CONT'D)
Come on! Guys, come on! You’re
teenagers! All you think about is
getting it on!

Ruby snickers. Bernardo’s eyes fall on her.

BERNARDO (CONT'D)
Bob!

Ruby is startled out of her reverie.

BERNARDO (CONT'D)
Come! Get up here. Come on!

Ruby walks to the front of the class, and stands nervously.
Bernardo approaches her.

BERNARDO (CONT'D)
Come on, sing.

RUBY
(tentatively singing)
I’ve been really tryin’ baby...

BERNARDO
No, no, no! You’re not breathing.
There’s no sound without breath and
none of you are breathing. Fill
your belly. Fill it up.

Ruby breathes in. Bernardo stares at her stomach.

BERNARDO (CONT'D)
Come on, that is not a belly!
This... This is a belly!

He grabs his own belly as he puffs it out.

BERNARDO (CONT'D)
Okay, follow me. Remember the
“little dog, big dog” exercise?
Okay, “little dog.”

He holds up his arms in front of his body like paws and hangs
his tongue out, panting like a “little dog.”


BERNARDO (CONT'D)
Hah hah hah.

Ruby doesn’t move. Bernardo claps at her to follow his lead.

BERNARDO (CONT'D)
Do it! Come on! Hah hah hah hah.
Push, push, push!

Embarrassed, Ruby pokes her belly out and pants, holding her
hands up like paws. Bernardo seems completely unfazed.

BERNARDO (CONT'D)
Medium dog!
(slightly deeper pants)
Hah hah hah hah. Big dog!

Bernardo makes a crazy low “big dog” sound. Ruby stops,
completely mortified.

BERNARDO (CONT'D)
You’re embarrassed? Really?

He turns to the class, commanding them all to participate.

BERNARDO (CONT'D)
Everyone! “Little dog, big dog”!
Come on! And...

He makes “little dog” pants again. The class reluctantly
joins the exercise, “paws” up, tongues out.

BERNARDO (CONT'D)
Pant, pant! Push. Medium dog! Big
dog! Engage your core. Blow it out.
Push, push!

Now he is focused on Ruby, pushing only her to breathe.

BERNARDO (CONT'D)
Push, push, push! Engage your core!
More, more! Now... sing!

He sits at the piano, plays the first line of the song.

RUBY
(singing)
I've been really tryin', baby.

Her voice comes out with surprising clarity. Other students
react. As does she. Bernardo smiles.

BERNARDO
Yes!


RUBY
Tryin' to hold back these feelings
for so long...

BERNARDO
Now we’re talking!

RUBY
And if you feel, like I feel, baby.
Come on... come on.

Bernardo stops playing. Ruby stops, unsure.

BERNARDO
Well. It’s not sand and glue.

A flicker of a smile crosses Miles’s face. Bernardo grins.
Genres: ["Drama","Comedy","Musical"]

Summary In a high school choir room, instructor Bernardo confronts his students' lackluster energy during rehearsal. He calls on Ruby, who struggles with confidence, to sing. Through encouragement and playful exercises, including a 'little dog, big dog' breathing technique, Ruby gradually gains confidence and improves her singing. The scene concludes with Bernardo praising her progress and light-heartedly commenting on the performance, creating a positive atmosphere.
Strengths
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Effective character development
  • Humorous moments
Weaknesses
  • Some may find the teaching methods too exaggerated

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively combines humor, embarrassment, and encouragement to create a compelling and engaging moment in the protagonist's character development.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the scene revolves around the protagonist's fear of singing and her journey to overcome it, which is executed with humor and heart.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene focuses on the protagonist's growth and self-discovery through her interaction with the choir teacher, adding depth to her character arc.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh approach to the familiar theme of overcoming self-doubt and embarrassment through unconventional teaching methods. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and relatable, adding to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters are well-developed, with the protagonist facing her fears, the choir teacher providing guidance, and the classmates reacting realistically to the situation.

Character Changes: 8

The protagonist undergoes a significant change in the scene by facing her fear of singing and taking a step towards self-expression.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to overcome her embarrassment and self-consciousness to improve her singing ability. This reflects her desire to gain confidence and skill in a challenging situation.

External Goal: 7.5

The protagonist's external goal is to impress her choir teacher and classmates with her singing ability. This reflects the immediate challenge she faces in the choir room.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict in the scene is primarily internal, as the protagonist struggles with her fear of singing and the pressure to perform in front of her peers.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to challenge the protagonist's beliefs and push her out of her comfort zone, creating conflict and growth. The audience is unsure of the outcome, adding to the tension and engagement.

High Stakes: 6

The stakes are moderate in the scene, focusing more on the protagonist's personal growth and overcoming her fear rather than external conflicts.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by deepening the protagonist's character development and setting up future conflicts and resolutions.

Unpredictability: 7.5

This scene is unpredictable because it introduces unexpected teaching methods and character reactions, keeping the audience guessing about the outcome of the protagonist's singing improvement. The tension and humor add to the unpredictability of the scene.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between the protagonist's fear of embarrassment and the teacher's push for improvement through unconventional methods. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs about her own abilities and the importance of pushing past discomfort to grow.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene elicits a range of emotions, from embarrassment to encouragement, making it emotionally impactful for the audience.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is engaging, humorous, and serves to move the scene forward while revealing character traits and emotions.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it captures the tension and humor of a high school choir class, with relatable character dynamics and a clear character arc for the protagonist. The unconventional teaching methods and character interactions keep the audience invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension and humor through character interactions and dialogue. The rhythm of the scene keeps the audience engaged and invested in the protagonist's journey.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a dialogue-heavy interaction in a high school setting, with clear character actions and dialogue cues. The formatting enhances the readability and flow of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a character development moment in a high school setting, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm of the scene contribute to its effectiveness in conveying the protagonist's growth.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the tension between Ruby's nervousness and Bernardo's energetic teaching style, which creates a dynamic atmosphere. However, the humor derived from the 'little dog, big dog' exercise may come off as juvenile and could risk undermining the emotional weight of Ruby's journey. It might be beneficial to balance the comedic elements with more serious undertones to reflect Ruby's internal struggles.
  • Bernardo's character is well-defined as a passionate and somewhat eccentric teacher, but his methods could be perceived as overly theatrical. While this adds to the humor, it may also detract from the authenticity of the choir setting. Consider grounding his character with moments of genuine empathy or insight that connect with Ruby's fears more deeply.
  • Ruby's initial reluctance to participate is relatable, but her transition from embarrassment to singing with clarity feels somewhat abrupt. A more gradual build-up to her confidence could enhance the emotional impact of the scene. This could involve her hesitating longer or showing more internal conflict before she begins to sing.
  • The dialogue is lively and engaging, but some lines could be tightened for clarity and impact. For instance, Bernardo's instructions about breathing could be more concise, allowing for a smoother flow of dialogue. Additionally, the use of humor should serve to enhance character development rather than distract from it.
  • The reactions of the other students are mentioned but not fully explored. Incorporating their responses could add depth to the scene, showcasing how Ruby's performance affects her peers and highlighting her growth in a more communal context.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment where Ruby reflects on her fear before she begins to sing, allowing the audience to connect with her emotional journey more profoundly.
  • Introduce a brief exchange between Ruby and Bernardo that reveals his understanding of her background and fears, creating a more supportive atmosphere that contrasts with his eccentric teaching style.
  • Explore the reactions of the other students more thoroughly, perhaps showing their surprise or encouragement as Ruby begins to sing, which could enhance the sense of community in the choir.
  • Tighten Bernardo's dialogue to make his instructions clearer and more impactful, ensuring that the humor complements the emotional stakes rather than overshadowing them.
  • Consider incorporating a moment of silence or a pause after Ruby sings, allowing the weight of her performance to resonate with both her and the audience before moving on to the next beat.



Scene 16 -  Duet Dilemmas
INT. HIGH SCHOOL - CHOIR ROOM - LATER

The class heads out. Bernardo stops Ruby and Miles.

BERNARDO
Ruby. Miles. Come here.

They look at each other and head over.

BERNARDO (CONT'D)
Today, if it’s possible. Thank you.
Do you two know each other?

RUBY MILES
Yeah. Kind of.

Ruby looks mortified. Bernardo clocks this.

BERNARDO
Okay... I need a duet. I need a
duet for the Fall Concert. “You’re
All I Need to Get By,” you know it?

MILES
Yeah.

Ruby shakes her head. Bernardo looks disappointed.

BERNARDO
Educate yourself.

He hands them each music.

BERNARDO (CONT'D)
We’ll work next class.


EXT. GLOUCESTER STREETS - SEQUENCE - DAY

”You’re All I Need to Get By” by Marvin Gaye and Tammi
Terrell plays.

Ruby bikes from school to Salgado’s along the water, passing
sailboats and kids playing on the beach. Bucolic vistas
juxtaposed with “For Lease” signs, boarded up buildings -
this is a beautiful place that has been hit hard.


EXT. SALGADO’S PROCESSING - PARKING LOT - DAY

She reaches the “SALGADO SEAFOOD COMPANY.” Parks her bike.
Takes her earbuds out, the song stops.
Genres: ["Drama","Musical"]

Summary In the choir room, Bernardo assigns Ruby and Miles a duet for the Fall Concert, expressing disappointment when Ruby admits she doesn't know the song 'You’re All I Need to Get By.' While Miles shows confidence in knowing the song, Ruby feels embarrassed and hesitant. The scene shifts to Ruby biking through the scenic yet economically struggling streets of Gloucester, highlighting her internal conflict as she arrives at Salgado’s Seafood Company, ending with her taking out her earbuds.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
  • Thematic resonance
Weaknesses
  • Limited external conflict
  • Some predictable character interactions

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively introduces a key conflict for Ruby, sets up a potential character arc, and establishes the importance of music in her life. The interactions between characters are engaging and provide depth to the story.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of Ruby facing her fear of singing and the potential for growth through music is compelling and relatable. It adds depth to her character and sets up a promising storyline.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene revolves around Ruby's struggle with singing and the introduction of a duet opportunity with Miles. It sets up potential conflicts and character development for future scenes.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a familiar high school setting but adds a fresh twist with the musical element and the contrast between beauty and hardship in the Gloucester streets. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and relatable.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters, especially Ruby, Miles, and Bernardo, are well-developed and show complexity in their interactions. Ruby's vulnerability, Miles' aloofness, and Bernardo's supportive nature add depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 8

Ruby undergoes a significant emotional change in the scene, moving from fear and embarrassment to a glimmer of hope and determination. This sets up a potential character arc for her.

Internal Goal: 8

Ruby's internal goal in this scene is to overcome her embarrassment and lack of confidence in singing. This reflects her deeper need for validation and acceptance, as well as her fear of failure and judgment.

External Goal: 7

Ruby's external goal in this scene is to prepare for the Fall Concert by learning a duet with Miles. This reflects the immediate challenge she faces in meeting Bernardo's expectations and proving herself as a singer.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict in the scene is primarily internal for Ruby, as she grapples with her fear of singing. The external conflict of the duet opportunity adds tension and sets up potential challenges.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in this scene is strong, with Bernardo's high expectations and Ruby's self-doubt creating a compelling conflict. The audience is left unsure of how the characters will overcome this challenge.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes in the scene are primarily internal for Ruby, as she faces her fear of singing and the potential for growth. The duet opportunity adds a layer of external stakes and challenges.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing key conflicts, character dynamics, and thematic elements that will impact future developments. It sets up potential plotlines and character growth.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because it introduces a new challenge for the characters and leaves the outcome uncertain. The conflicting emotions and motivations of the characters add depth and complexity to the scene.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is between Bernardo's high expectations and Ruby's self-doubt. This challenges Ruby's beliefs about her own abilities and the value of hard work and practice.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from Ruby's anxiety to Bernardo's encouragement. The vulnerability of the characters and the potential for growth create a strong emotional impact.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue effectively conveys the emotions and dynamics between the characters. It captures Ruby's anxiety, Bernardo's encouragement, and Miles' indifference.

Engagement: 8

This scene is engaging because it sets up a clear conflict and goal for the characters, drawing the audience into their emotional journey. The dialogue and setting descriptions create a sense of tension and anticipation.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and suspense, with a gradual reveal of the characters' emotions and motivations. The rhythm of the dialogue and action sequences enhances the scene's impact.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for a screenplay, with clear scene headings and dialogue formatting. The visual descriptions enhance the reader's understanding of the setting and characters.

Structure: 9

The structure of this scene follows the expected format for a character-driven drama, with a clear setup of goals and conflicts. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the scene's effectiveness.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes the dynamic between Ruby and Miles, highlighting Ruby's discomfort and insecurity in front of him. This adds depth to her character and sets up potential conflict for the duet. However, the dialogue could be more engaging; it feels somewhat flat and could benefit from more subtext or humor to reflect their awkwardness.
  • Bernardo's character is consistent with his previous portrayal as a supportive yet demanding teacher. His line 'Educate yourself' is a bit abrupt and could be softened to maintain the encouraging tone he has shown in earlier scenes. This would help to keep the emotional continuity of his character.
  • The transition from the choir room to the biking sequence is visually appealing, but the juxtaposition of the beautiful scenery with signs of economic decline is a bit heavy-handed. It might be more effective to weave in subtle hints of this contrast throughout the scene rather than presenting it all at once in the biking montage.
  • The use of the song 'You’re All I Need to Get By' is a nice touch, but it could be more integrated into the scene. Perhaps Ruby could hum or sing a few lines to herself while biking, reflecting her internal struggle with the duet and her feelings for Miles. This would create a stronger emotional connection to the song and foreshadow the upcoming performance.
  • The scene ends rather abruptly after Ruby parks her bike. A moment of reflection or a brief internal monologue could enhance the emotional weight of the scene, allowing the audience to connect more deeply with Ruby's thoughts and feelings about the duet and her relationship with Miles.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more playful or awkward banter between Ruby and Miles to enhance their chemistry and make the scene feel more dynamic.
  • Revise Bernardo's dialogue to maintain his supportive nature, perhaps by rephrasing 'Educate yourself' to something like 'No worries, just give it a listen and we’ll work on it together.'
  • Incorporate subtle visual cues of the economic decline throughout the biking sequence, rather than presenting them all at once, to create a more nuanced atmosphere.
  • Include a moment where Ruby sings or hums a few lines from the song while biking, allowing the audience to hear her internal struggle and connect with her character's emotions.
  • Add a reflective moment at the end of the scene where Ruby contemplates the duet and her feelings for Miles, providing a smoother transition into the next scene.



Scene 17 -  Confrontation at the Auction
INT. SALGADO’S PROCESSING - DAY

Ruby walks through the auction. Workers move pallets of fish,
shovel ice. Graders walk around assessing the tubs. She waves
at some people.

She spots Leo. He types on his iPad, back and forth with GIO
SALGADO (the auction owner). As Ruby approaches, she passes
Tony haggling with another FISHERMAN and eavesdrops.

TONY
Eight hundred for three. It’s as
good as I can do. But I’ll take
them all, okay?

Ruby’s just overheard the price, she’s armed for battle. She
approaches Leo and Gio. Leo’s annoyed to see her.

LEO
Dad’s out back.

Ruby ignores Leo, turning to Gio to negotiate.

RUBY
What are you giving him?

LEO
Ruby, stop, I got this.

GIO
2.75.

RUBY
I just heard Tony tell McKinny it
was three. And his shit looks like
it’s been baking in the sun.
(MORE)

RUBY (CONT'D)
Come on. It’s three or we take our
catch back.

LEO
Ruby, get out of here! Out of here!

RUBY
(signed and spoken)
He’s ripping you off!

Ruby heads out. Leo stares at Gio, livid.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary In a bustling auction at Salgado's Processing, Ruby confronts Gio Salgado over the low price he offers Leo for their fish, insisting it should be higher based on market knowledge she gained from overhearing Tony negotiate with another fisherman. Despite Leo's frustration and attempts to dismiss her, Ruby stands her ground, leading to a tense standoff. The scene concludes with Ruby leaving the auction, leaving Leo angry and exasperated.
Strengths
  • Tension-filled negotiation
  • Strong character development for Ruby
  • Clear conflict and stakes
Weaknesses
  • Limited emotional depth
  • Lack of resolution in the scene

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene is well-executed with a strong focus on conflict and character dynamics, driving the plot forward and showcasing Ruby's determination.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a negotiation over fish prices adds depth to the story and develops Ruby's character, showing her willingness to fight for her family.

Plot: 8.5

The plot progresses significantly as Ruby confronts Gio over the price of fish, setting up future conflicts and showcasing Ruby's determination.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh take on the classic negotiation trope, with a focus on ethical dilemmas and family dynamics. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and true to their motivations.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters, especially Ruby, Leo, and Gio, are well-developed in this scene, with clear motivations and conflicts driving their actions.

Character Changes: 8

Ruby's character undergoes development as she asserts herself in the negotiation, showcasing her determination and loyalty to her family.

Internal Goal: 8

Ruby's internal goal is to stand up for what she believes is right and fair, even if it means going against her brother's wishes. This reflects her values of honesty and integrity.

External Goal: 7

Ruby's external goal is to negotiate a fair price for the fish they caught. She wants to ensure they are not taken advantage of by the auction owner.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is high, with Ruby challenging Gio over the price of fish, leading to a tense negotiation.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting interests and power struggles between the characters, keeping the audience on edge.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high as Ruby challenges Gio over the price of fish, risking the livelihood of her family.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by introducing a significant conflict and developing Ruby's character, setting up future plot points.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the shifting power dynamics and unexpected twists in the negotiation process.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between honesty and deception. Ruby believes in being truthful and fair, while the auction owner may be trying to take advantage of the fishermen.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7.5

The scene evokes tension and defiance, but the emotional impact is not as pronounced as in more personal moments.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is sharp and confrontational, adding to the tension of the negotiation and revealing the characters' personalities.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its high stakes, moral dilemma, and dynamic character interactions. The audience is invested in Ruby's fight for justice.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and suspense, leading to a satisfying resolution of the negotiation.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear action lines and dialogue cues that enhance the pacing and tension.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure of conflict, negotiation, and resolution, fitting the expected format for a dramatic confrontation in a screenplay.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes Ruby's determination and assertiveness as she confronts Gio about the pricing, showcasing her growth as a character. However, the conflict between Ruby and Leo feels somewhat abrupt. While it is clear that Leo is frustrated with Ruby's interference, the scene could benefit from a more gradual build-up to their confrontation, allowing the audience to better understand Leo's perspective and the stakes involved.
  • The dialogue is sharp and conveys the tension well, but it could be enhanced by adding more subtext. For instance, Ruby's insistence on negotiating could reflect deeper issues in her relationship with Leo, such as her desire to prove herself or her frustration with being sidelined. This would add layers to their interaction and make the conflict more impactful.
  • The physical setting of the auction is vivid, but it could be utilized more effectively to heighten the tension. For example, incorporating more sensory details—like the sounds of the auction, the smell of fish, or the chaotic atmosphere—could immerse the audience further into the scene and reflect Ruby's emotional state.
  • Leo's reaction to Ruby's intervention feels a bit one-dimensional. Exploring his internal conflict—perhaps through a brief flash of doubt or concern for Ruby's safety—could add depth to his character and make his frustration more relatable. This would also create a more balanced dynamic between the siblings.
  • The ending of the scene, where Ruby leaves and Leo is left livid, is impactful but could be strengthened by a more explicit emotional reaction from Leo. A line of dialogue or a physical gesture could convey his frustration more clearly, leaving the audience with a stronger sense of the conflict.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment where Leo expresses his concerns about Ruby's involvement before she approaches Gio. This could help establish his protective instincts and make his frustration more understandable.
  • Incorporate more sensory details to enhance the setting. Describing the sounds, smells, and sights of the auction could create a more immersive experience for the audience.
  • Explore Ruby's motivations further. Perhaps include a brief internal monologue or a moment of hesitation before she confronts Gio, which could highlight her determination and the risks she is willing to take.
  • Add a line or two of dialogue from Leo that reflects his internal struggle with Ruby's actions. This could provide insight into his character and create a more nuanced sibling dynamic.
  • Consider ending the scene with a more explicit emotional reaction from Leo, such as a frustrated outburst or a moment of silent contemplation, to emphasize the tension and set up the next scene.



Scene 18 -  Family Tensions
EXT. SALGADO’S PROCESSING - CONTINUOUS

Ruby exits to find Frank, sitting on a stack of lobster
traps, smoking a joint.

RUBY
(signed and spoken)
We’re out in public.

FRANK
It’s medicinal.

RUBY
(signed and spoken)
I don’t think being deaf makes it
legal to spark a fatty.

Leo emerges from the auction house, angry.

LEO
What the hell was that?!

RUBY
I got the price up didn’t I?

LEO
I was handling it! You made me look
stupid.

RUBY
No, you look stupid when Gio throws
out any number he wants and you
can’t cross-check it!

FRANK
Guys! You want to fight, go fight
those assholes! Our family sticks
together.
(beat)
I’d give my left nut to tell them
to go screw themselves.


RUBY
So do it.

FRANK
Who’s gonna sell our fish?

RUBY LEO
Us! Us!

Frank shakes his head. He walks away.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary In a tense confrontation outside Salgado's Processing, Ruby challenges Frank about his public smoking and argues with Leo over her interference in an auction negotiation. Leo feels undermined by Ruby's actions, while Ruby defends her decision to raise the price. Frank attempts to mediate, urging them to focus on their family business, but the conflict escalates, leaving him frustrated as he walks away, highlighting the rift in their teamwork.
Strengths
  • Strong character development
  • Tense family dynamics
  • Emotionally impactful dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Potential lack of resolution in the scene

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively portrays the conflicting emotions and dynamics within the family, creating a tense and engaging atmosphere. The dialogue and character interactions are well-crafted, drawing the audience into the family's struggles.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of family unity and conflict is effectively explored in the scene, providing insight into the characters' relationships and individual struggles.

Plot: 8

The plot progression in the scene focuses on the family's financial struggles and the tensions that arise from conflicting viewpoints. It moves the story forward by deepening the audience's understanding of the characters and their motivations.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on family dynamics and business rivalry, with authentic and relatable character interactions.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed and their personalities shine through in their interactions. The scene allows for character growth and reveals the complexities of their relationships.

Character Changes: 8

The characters undergo subtle changes in their dynamics and relationships, particularly in how they navigate their disagreements and ultimately come together as a family.

Internal Goal: 8

Ruby's internal goal is to assert her independence and prove her worth to the family business. This reflects her deeper need for validation and recognition.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to increase the price of the fish at the auction. This reflects the immediate challenge of competing with Gio and proving her value to the family business.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is palpable, with tensions running high between the family members. The disagreement over financial matters adds depth to the conflict and drives the emotional intensity of the scene.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting goals and emotions driving the conflict.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high for the family as they navigate financial challenges and internal conflicts, highlighting the importance of unity and resilience in the face of adversity.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by deepening the audience's understanding of the characters and their motivations, setting the stage for future developments in the narrative.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists in the characters' actions and dialogue.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between individualism and loyalty to family. Ruby's desire to assert herself clashes with Frank's emphasis on sticking together as a family.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene evokes a strong emotional response from the audience, drawing them into the family's struggles and creating a sense of empathy for the characters.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is sharp and impactful, effectively conveying the characters' emotions and motivations. It adds depth to the scene and enhances the audience's connection to the characters.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the intense conflict and emotional stakes between the characters.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and maintains the audience's interest.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with clear character motivations and conflict driving the narrative forward.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the tension between Ruby and Leo, showcasing their differing approaches to handling the family business. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtext to deepen the emotional stakes. For instance, instead of Ruby simply stating that Leo looks stupid, she could express her frustration in a way that reveals her concern for their family's financial situation, adding layers to their conflict.
  • Frank's character serves as a mediator, but his dialogue feels somewhat clichéd with the phrase 'I’d give my left nut.' This could be rephrased to maintain his protective nature while avoiding overused expressions. Additionally, his response to Ruby's challenge could be more nuanced, reflecting his internal struggle between wanting to support his children and the reality of their situation.
  • The use of sign language alongside spoken dialogue is a strong choice, but the scene could benefit from more visual cues to emphasize the communication dynamics. For example, incorporating more physicality in Ruby's signing could enhance the emotional weight of her words, making the audience feel her urgency and frustration.
  • The pacing of the scene feels rushed, particularly in the transition from Ruby's confrontation with Leo to Frank's intervention. Allowing for a brief moment of silence or a beat after each character's lines could heighten the tension and give the audience time to absorb the emotional impact of the conflict.
  • The scene ends abruptly with Frank walking away, which may leave the audience wanting more resolution. Consider adding a final line or action that encapsulates the family's struggle, perhaps a moment of shared understanding or a lingering look between the siblings that hints at their unresolved issues.
Suggestions
  • Enhance the emotional stakes by incorporating subtext in the dialogue, allowing characters to express their feelings more deeply.
  • Rephrase Frank's dialogue to avoid clichés and better reflect his character's complexity and internal conflict.
  • Add more physicality to Ruby's signing to emphasize her emotional state and enhance the visual storytelling.
  • Slow down the pacing by incorporating pauses or beats after key lines to allow the audience to absorb the tension.
  • Consider adding a closing line or action that provides a sense of closure or foreshadows future conflicts, reinforcing the family's struggles.



Scene 19 -  Finding Harmony
INT. HIGH SCHOOL - CHOIR ROOM - DAY

The Choir sings “It’s Your Thing” by The Isley Brothers.
Bernardo conducts. They stomp and clap for percussion.

CHORUS
(singing)
It's your thing, do what you wanna
do. I can't tell you, who to sock
it to. It's your thing, do what you
wanna do.

They laugh, dance. Excited, Bernardo jumps around, handing
out percussion instruments.

He gives a shaker to a girl with no rhythm and then
immediately takes it back.

The kids jam on the song, having fun.


INT. HIGH SCHOOL - CHOIR ROOM - LATER

Kids head out. Ruby collects her things. She walks up to join
Mr. V and Miles at the piano.

BERNARDO
Did you work on the song?
(off their nods)
Good! Blow my tiny mind.

He begins to play. They begin.

RUBY AND MILES
(singing)
You’re all I need to get by. Like
the sweet morning dew, I took one
look at you. And it was plain --

Bernardo interrupts them.


BERNARDO
You did not work on this.

RUBY
We did. Just not, like, together.

BERNARDO
Dios mio. DU-ET. It’s in the word.
You must DO-ET together! Face each
other. Come on! Face each other.
(to Miles)
You are afraid of her? You are
wise.
(to Ruby)
Come on, he does not have piojos.
(to both)
Guys, this is not the Pledge of
Allegiance. It’s a love song. A
love song. Try to imagine what it’s
like to sacrifice everything for
another human!

They stare at him.

MILES
(carefully)
So, again?

BERNARDO
No.
(he sits)
Of course, again! You go first
Miles. Okay? Let’s take it from the
verse. Ready?

Bernardo nods and plays. They sing again.

MILES
(singing)
Like the sweet morning dew, I took
one look at you. And it was plain
to see, you were my destiny.

RUBY
(singing)
With my arms open wide, I threw
away my pride --

Ruby’s voice soars. Their voices blend nicely.

BERNARDO
Good, good. Stop, stop! Good. In
the chorus, try the harmony up.
(demonstrating)
(MORE)

BERNARDO (CONT'D)
“There’s no, no looking back for
us.” Got it?

MILES
(copying the harmony)
“No looking back for us.”

BERNARDO
Good! I’m not angry at this. Go
work and come back.

Miles steals a look at Ruby, then grabs his stuff and
beelines for the door.

BERNARDO (CONT'D)
(to Miles)
Try it on the guitar.

MILES
Cool.

Ruby collects her things.

BERNARDO
You can sing.
(Ruby turns)
You have no control but your tone
is lovely.

RUBY
Thanks. It’s my favorite thing.

Bernardo takes this in.

BERNARDO
What are you doing next year?

RUBY
I don’t know. Working with my dad.

BERNARDO
No college?

RUBY
I’m not good at school.

BERNARDO
Miles is auditioning for Berklee
College of Music. I’ve been
coaching him for his audition.
(off her blank look)
You don’t know Berklee?


RUBY
I’ve heard of it.

BERNARDO
Come on, I grew up in Mexico City
and even I knew Berklee! Abraham
Laboriel, the famous bassist went
there. I did too.

RUBY
I can’t afford school.

BERNARDO
They have scholarships.
(beat)
How do you feel when you sing?

RUBY
I don’t know. It’s hard to explain.

BERNARDO
Try.

Ruby thinks. Then, unsure of how to express it, she SIGNS.
Her two fingers make a figure standing still while her other
hand circles to become the “universe,” which spins and grows
out of her hands into the air around her.

Bernardo considers her.

BERNARDO (CONT'D)
You would need to sight-read and
learn a classical piece. I need
your nights and weekends. I do not
waste my time. So, if I am
offering, it is because I hear
something.

Ruby takes this in, moved that someone is finally seeing her.
Genres: ["Drama","Musical"]

Summary In a vibrant high school choir room, conductor Bernardo leads the choir in an energetic rendition of 'It’s Your Thing.' After the session, he encourages students Ruby and Miles to connect emotionally while practicing their duet. Bernardo emphasizes the importance of collaboration and challenges Ruby to consider her future in music, suggesting she apply to Berklee College of Music despite her financial concerns. His belief in her talent inspires Ruby, leaving her feeling seen and motivated to pursue her dreams.
Strengths
  • Strong emotional resonance
  • Compelling character development
  • Engaging musical elements
Weaknesses
  • Limited external conflict
  • Some predictable character interactions

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively showcases Ruby's journey of self-discovery through music, with strong emotional resonance and character development.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of using music as a tool for self-expression and growth is compelling and well-executed in the scene, adding depth to Ruby's character arc.

Plot: 8

The plot progresses as Ruby navigates her fear of singing and her aspirations for the future, setting up potential conflicts and resolutions.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on the coming-of-age theme, focusing on the protagonist's musical journey and self-discovery. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and relatable.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters, especially Ruby and Bernardo, are well-developed and engaging, with clear motivations and growth throughout the scene.

Character Changes: 9

Ruby undergoes significant growth in the scene, moving from fear and uncertainty to a newfound confidence in her singing abilities.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist, Ruby, seeks validation and recognition for her talent and passion for singing. She desires to be seen and appreciated for her abilities.

External Goal: 7.5

The protagonist's external goal is to improve her singing skills and potentially pursue a music education at Berklee College of Music.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6.5

While there is some internal conflict for Ruby in overcoming her fear of singing, the scene focuses more on growth and mentorship.

Opposition: 7.5

The opposition in the scene is strong, as the characters face internal and external challenges that test their abilities and motivations.

High Stakes: 6

While there are personal stakes for Ruby in overcoming her fear of singing, the scene focuses more on personal growth and self-expression.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by deepening Ruby's character arc and setting up potential conflicts and resolutions.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected challenges and revelations faced by the characters, adding tension and intrigue to the narrative.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the value of pursuing one's passion and the sacrifices that come with it. Bernardo challenges Ruby to consider her future and the opportunities available to her.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, especially in Ruby's journey of self-expression and finding her voice.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is engaging and serves to deepen the relationships between characters, particularly Ruby and Bernardo.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its dynamic interactions between characters, emotional depth, and the protagonist's journey towards self-discovery.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene enhances its effectiveness by balancing musical performances, character interactions, and emotional moments, maintaining the audience's interest.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting adheres to the expected format for a screenplay, with clear scene descriptions, dialogue, and character actions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a typical structure for a musical performance and character development, with a clear progression of events and interactions.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the dynamic between Ruby, Miles, and Bernardo, showcasing the challenges Ruby faces in expressing herself and the pressure of performing. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtext to deepen the emotional stakes. For instance, when Bernardo pushes Ruby and Miles to face each other, it could be more impactful if their reactions conveyed their insecurities more vividly, perhaps through body language or internal thoughts.
  • Bernardo's character is well-defined as a passionate and somewhat demanding teacher, but his motivations could be clearer. Why is he so invested in Ruby's potential? Adding a line or two that hints at his own struggles or aspirations could create a stronger connection between him and Ruby, making his encouragement feel more personal.
  • The transition from the energetic choir scene to the more intimate duet practice is smooth, but the pacing could be adjusted. The initial excitement of the choir could be contrasted more sharply with Ruby's anxiety about the duet, emphasizing her internal conflict. This would heighten the tension and make her eventual connection with the music more satisfying.
  • Ruby's use of sign language to express her feelings about singing is a beautiful moment, but it could be expanded. Perhaps she could struggle to find the right words before resorting to signing, illustrating her frustration with communication. This would enhance the emotional weight of the scene and highlight her unique perspective as a deaf individual in a hearing world.
  • The scene ends on a hopeful note with Bernardo recognizing Ruby's potential, but it could be more impactful if Ruby's emotional journey throughout the scene is more pronounced. Consider showing her initial reluctance giving way to a sense of possibility, perhaps through a visual cue or a change in her posture as she contemplates the idea of pursuing music.
Suggestions
  • Incorporate more physicality in Ruby and Miles' interactions to convey their nervousness and chemistry. This could include fidgeting, avoiding eye contact, or subtle gestures that reflect their feelings about singing together.
  • Add a moment where Ruby hesitates before signing, emphasizing her struggle to articulate her feelings verbally. This could deepen the audience's understanding of her character and the challenges she faces.
  • Consider including a brief flashback or a line from Bernardo that hints at his own musical journey, creating a parallel between him and Ruby that enriches their interaction.
  • Enhance the emotional stakes by having Ruby express a specific fear or doubt about pursuing music, making her eventual acceptance of Bernardo's challenge more poignant.
  • End the scene with a stronger visual or auditory cue that signifies Ruby's shift in perspective, such as a close-up of her face as she contemplates the possibility of attending Berklee, or a lingering note from the piano that resonates with her newfound hope.



Scene 20 -  Breakfast Tensions
INT. ROSSI HOME - DECK - BREAKFAST

Ruby eats some cereal with Jackie. Jackie nurses her coffee.
Ruby watches her mom for a moment.

RUBY
I joined the choir.

Jackie looks at her, curious.

JACKIE
Why?


RUBY
I like to sing.

Jackie laughs, rolls her eyes.

RUBY (CONT'D)
What?

JACKIE
You’re a teenager. If I was blind,
would you want to paint?

Ruby stares at her.

RUBY
(signed and spoken)
Why is it always about you?

Jackie looks taken aback. Ruby grabs her stuff for school.
She turns back.

RUBY (CONT'D)
(signed and spoken)
I’m meeting people! I’m making
friends. You know what, you should
get out in the world too.

Ruby starts to leave. Jackie bangs the table, gesturing that
Ruby didn’t clear her plate. Ruby grabs her cereal bowl and
stomps into the kitchen. Jackie looks after her.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary During breakfast on the deck, Ruby excitedly shares her decision to join the choir, but her mother Jackie responds with skepticism, comparing it to painting while blind. This dismissive attitude frustrates Ruby, leading her to confront Jackie about her self-centeredness and desire for independence. As Ruby prepares to leave for school, a conflict arises over her unfinished plate, culminating in Ruby angrily leaving the table, leaving the tension between them unresolved.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Character conflict
  • Realistic dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Limited plot progression
  • Low stakes

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.2

The scene effectively portrays the tension and conflict between Ruby and her mother, setting up a compelling dynamic that adds depth to the characters.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring the strained relationship between Ruby and her mother is compelling and adds depth to the characters.

Plot: 7.5

While the plot progression is limited in this scene, the focus on character development and relationship dynamics is crucial for future story arcs.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh take on the mother-daughter conflict trope by incorporating sign language and exploring themes of independence and self-expression.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters of Ruby and her mother are well-developed in this scene, with their conflicting emotions and desires effectively portrayed.

Character Changes: 7

While Ruby's desire for independence is reinforced in this scene, significant character changes are yet to fully manifest.

Internal Goal: 8

Ruby's internal goal is to assert her independence and individuality, as well as to seek validation and understanding from her mother.

External Goal: 7

Ruby's external goal is to express her desire to join the choir and make friends, as well as to challenge her mother's perception of her.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict between Ruby and her mother is palpable in this scene, driving the emotional tension and character development.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting desires and emotional barriers between the characters.

High Stakes: 6

The stakes are relatively low in this scene, centered more on personal relationships and emotional conflicts.

Story Forward: 7

The scene primarily focuses on character development and relationship dynamics, laying the groundwork for future story progression.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected emotional outbursts and shifting power dynamics between the characters.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict is evident in the differing perspectives on personal interests and parental expectations. Ruby values self-expression and social connection, while Jackie prioritizes practicality and control.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a strong emotional response, particularly in highlighting Ruby's frustration and desire for independence.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue effectively conveys the tension and resentment between Ruby and her mother, adding depth to their relationship.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the emotional intensity and relatable conflict between the characters.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and highlights the emotional beats of the characters' interactions.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene is formatted correctly, with clear scene headings and character actions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a traditional structure for a domestic drama, with clear character motivations and conflict.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the tension between Ruby and Jackie, showcasing their differing perspectives on Ruby's aspirations. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtext to deepen the emotional stakes. For instance, Jackie's skepticism about Ruby's singing could be rooted in her own fears or insecurities, which would add layers to their conflict.
  • Ruby's confrontation with Jackie is powerful, but the transition from her excitement about joining the choir to the argument feels abrupt. A smoother transition could enhance the flow of the scene. Perhaps Ruby could initially express her enthusiasm more vividly before Jackie dismisses it, allowing the audience to feel the weight of Ruby's disappointment more acutely.
  • The use of sign language alongside spoken dialogue is a strong choice that emphasizes Ruby's identity and the dynamics of her family. However, the scene could benefit from more visual cues or actions that illustrate Ruby's frustration and Jackie’s dismissiveness. For example, Ruby could physically distance herself from Jackie or engage in a gesture that signifies her desire for independence.
  • Jackie's comparison of Ruby's singing to painting while blind is a striking metaphor, but it could be more impactful if it were tied to Jackie's own experiences or fears. This would create a more relatable and empathetic character, allowing the audience to understand her motivations better.
  • The ending of the scene, with Ruby stomping away, is a strong visual cue of her frustration. However, it might be more effective if Jackie had a moment of reflection or regret after Ruby leaves, hinting at her internal conflict about supporting her daughter versus her own fears.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment where Ruby expresses her excitement about the choir before Jackie responds with skepticism. This would create a stronger emotional contrast when the argument begins.
  • Incorporate more physical actions or visual cues that reflect Ruby's emotional state, such as her body language or facial expressions, to enhance the scene's emotional depth.
  • Explore Jackie's character further by providing a backstory or context for her skepticism. This could be done through a brief flashback or a line of dialogue that hints at her own unfulfilled dreams.
  • Strengthen the metaphor of Jackie's comparison by tying it to her own experiences, perhaps by having her mention a time when she felt limited or unable to pursue something she loved.
  • Consider ending the scene with a moment of silence or reflection from Jackie after Ruby leaves, which could add complexity to her character and hint at her internal struggle regarding Ruby's independence.



Scene 21 -  Fractured Ties at Salgado Fish Wharf
EXT. ANGELA ROSE - SALGADO FISH WHARF - DAY

Frank and Leo dock their boat and tie it off.

LEO
We should do a Co-Op. Look, there’s
empty warehouses all over the
place.

Frank looks annoyed with this conversation, but Leo persists.

LEO (CONT'D)
We could organize a business, get
the other boats on board...

FRANK
(blowing up)
How?! Who’s gonna support us? We’re
the deaf guys!

This is the truth. The reason Frank has been so reluctant.


FRANK (CONT'D)
They look at us like we’re a joke.

Leo stares at his Dad. Frank can’t see it.

A group of fishermen make their way up the wharf. Brady calls
out to some guys.

BRADY
Hey! I’m going to Pratty’s for a
brew. Who wants to go?

Fishermen raise their hands to join him. Leo turns to Frank.

LEO
I’m gonna go.

FRANK
You want me to text Ruby?

LEO
(angry)
No. I’m a grown man.

Leo waves at Brady. The guys look surprised to see him
joining them, but wave him over.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary At Salgado Fish Wharf, Frank and Leo dock their boat, where Leo proposes starting a Co-Op to support local fishermen. Frank reacts negatively, frustrated by their social standing and feeling like a joke. Despite Frank's reluctance, Leo asserts his independence by choosing to join other fishermen heading to a bar, leaving Frank feeling isolated and conflicted.
Strengths
  • Intense conflict
  • Realistic dialogue
  • Emotional depth
Weaknesses
  • Limited character development in this specific scene

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 7.5

The scene effectively conveys the tension and conflict between Frank and Leo, setting up a significant plot point regarding their financial struggles. The dialogue and character interactions are engaging, drawing the audience into the family dynamics.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring the financial struggles of a fishing business and the strained relationship between father and son is compelling. It adds depth to the characters and sets up future conflicts and character development.

Plot: 8

The plot advances significantly in this scene as the financial challenges faced by Frank and Leo are introduced, setting the stage for future conflicts and character arcs. The scene effectively sets up a central dilemma that will drive the narrative forward.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh perspective on disability and discrimination, presenting a nuanced portrayal of the challenges faced by individuals with disabilities in a working-class setting. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and relatable.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters of Frank and Leo are well-developed in this scene, showcasing their conflicting personalities and motivations. The audience gains insight into their struggles and the dynamics of their relationship, setting up potential growth and change for both characters.

Character Changes: 7

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the introduction of the financial dilemma sets the stage for potential growth and development for Frank and Leo. The scene hints at future changes in their relationship and individual perspectives.

Internal Goal: 8

Frank's internal goal is to overcome the feeling of being judged and discriminated against because of his deafness. He wants to be taken seriously and respected by his peers.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to navigate the challenges of starting a business and gaining support from the other fishermen. He wants to prove that he is capable despite his disability.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict between Frank and Leo is central to the scene, driving the emotional intensity and setting up future confrontations. The clash of perspectives and the high stakes involved in their financial dilemma create a compelling conflict that propels the narrative forward.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, as the protagonist faces challenges and discrimination from his peers. The audience is left unsure of how he will overcome these obstacles.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in this scene as Frank and Leo grapple with the financial implications of new regulations and the competitive nature of the fishing industry. The outcome of their decisions could have significant consequences for their business and family.

Story Forward: 8

The scene significantly moves the story forward by introducing a central conflict that will drive future events. The financial challenges faced by Frank and Leo set the stage for upcoming plot developments and character arcs, adding depth to the narrative.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because it subverts expectations about disability and discrimination, presenting a complex and nuanced portrayal of the protagonist's struggles.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the theme of discrimination and societal perceptions of disability. It challenges Frank's beliefs about his own worth and capabilities.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a strong emotional response from the audience, particularly in the tense interactions between Frank and Leo. The frustration and defiance displayed by the characters resonate with the audience, drawing them into the family's struggles.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue effectively conveys the tension and frustration between Frank and Leo, highlighting their differing perspectives on their business and identity. The exchanges feel authentic and drive the emotional impact of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it delves into the protagonist's internal struggles and the challenges he faces due to his disability. The conflict and emotional stakes keep the audience invested in the characters' journey.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and emotional depth, allowing the audience to connect with the characters' struggles and motivations.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene adheres to the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings and dialogue formatting. The visual descriptions enhance the atmosphere of the setting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure that effectively conveys the protagonist's internal and external goals. The pacing and rhythm of the scene contribute to its emotional impact.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the tension between Frank and Leo regarding the Co-Op idea, showcasing their differing perspectives on their situation as deaf fishermen. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtext to deepen the emotional stakes. Frank's frustration feels somewhat surface-level; exploring his internal conflict about being perceived as a 'joke' could add depth.
  • The introduction of the fishermen and Brady's invitation to Pratty's serves to highlight the social dynamics within the fishing community, but it feels a bit abrupt. The transition from the serious conversation between Frank and Leo to the casual banter of the fishermen could be smoother to maintain the scene's emotional flow.
  • Leo's anger towards Frank for suggesting he text Ruby feels somewhat disconnected from the earlier tension. It would be helpful to establish why Leo is so adamant about not involving Ruby. This could be tied to his desire for independence or a need to prove himself, which would resonate more with the audience.
  • The visual elements are somewhat lacking in this scene. While the dialogue is strong, incorporating more descriptive actions or reactions from Frank and Leo could enhance the emotional impact. For instance, showing Frank's body language or facial expressions when he expresses his frustration would help convey his feelings more vividly.
  • The scene ends rather abruptly with Leo joining the group of fishermen. A more poignant closing line or moment could leave the audience with a stronger emotional resonance, perhaps reflecting on the implications of Leo's decision to leave Frank behind.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more internal conflict for Frank regarding his feelings about being perceived as a joke. This could be expressed through his dialogue or through visual cues, such as him looking away or showing signs of vulnerability.
  • Smooth the transition between the serious conversation and the fishermen's banter by incorporating a line that acknowledges the shift in tone, perhaps with Frank or Leo commenting on the need for a break or some camaraderie.
  • Clarify Leo's motivations for wanting to go to Pratty's without Ruby. This could be done through a brief flashback or a line that hints at his desire to assert his independence or frustration with being seen as dependent on Ruby.
  • Enhance the visual storytelling by including more descriptive actions or reactions from the characters. For example, show Frank's hands clenching or Leo's posture changing as the conversation escalates.
  • End the scene with a more impactful moment, such as a lingering look between Frank and Leo that conveys their unspoken feelings about the situation, or a line that encapsulates the weight of their conversation before Leo leaves.



Scene 22 -  Brawl at Pratty's Bar
INT. PRATTY’S BAR - AFTERNOON

Raucous, loud fisherman’s bar. Leo sits at a table with
Brady, Chubs, Jimmy and the other guys. Gertie is working her
shift as a bus-girl.

BRADY
So then, he hooks his arm around
the pole, bear hugging it. But when
he does, he loses his pants! They
go down to his knees. There he is
hanging, with his milky white,
ginger ass hanging out. And he’s
still like thirty feet from the
pole! But of course, he’s shit-
faced--

JIMMY
Shocker!

Leo watches the conversation -- we see it through his eyes.
He focuses on Brady’s lips, but the banter is too fast for
him. He’s only catching some of it. After awhile, he’s
exhausted and tunes out.


MIKE, a meathead, makes his way past the table to join Gio
and Tony at the bar. He accidentally bumps the table,
spilling his beer on Leo. He doesn’t apologize. Leo turns,
gestures “What the fuck?” Mike does fake sign language,
mocking him.

Suddenly, Leo is out of his chair. He yanks Mike off his bar
stool, throwing him to the floor. The bar erupts in chaos.
Mike is up like a rocket and lands a punch back as --

The two guys brawl. Shouts as the fishermen jump in, trying
to separate them. Tony and Gio lead their guy away. Leo,
pissed, shakes off the other guys as they try to corral him.

BRADY
Hey buddy, come have a seat.

Leo brushes them off angrily and heads to the bar.
Genres: ["Drama","Slice of Life"]

Summary In the lively atmosphere of Pratty's Bar, Leo struggles to engage with his friends as Brady shares a humorous fishing story. The mood shifts when Mike, a meathead, spills beer on Leo and mocks him, igniting a violent confrontation. A chaotic brawl ensues, with patrons attempting to intervene. Despite his friends' efforts to calm him, Leo storms off to the bar, still seething with anger.
Strengths
  • Intense conflict portrayal
  • Realistic character reactions
  • Engaging dynamics among characters
Weaknesses
  • Potential for stereotypical portrayal of bar brawl dynamics

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys a high level of tension and conflict through the chaotic bar brawl, showcasing the characters' frustrations and anger in a realistic manner.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of showcasing a moment of intense conflict in a fisherman's bar is engaging and adds depth to the characters and their relationships. The scene effectively explores themes of anger, frustration, and pride.

Plot: 8.5

The plot of the scene revolves around the escalating tension and eventual bar brawl, which serves as a pivotal moment in the story, revealing the characters' true emotions and relationships.

Originality: 8

The scene offers a fresh take on a familiar bar fight scenario, infusing it with authentic dialogue and character dynamics. The actions and dialogue feel genuine and true to the characters.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters are well-developed in this scene, with Leo's frustration and pride driving the conflict, while the supporting characters add depth and dynamics to the bar brawl.

Character Changes: 8

Leo undergoes a significant change in this scene, transitioning from frustration to explosive anger during the bar brawl, showcasing a different side of his character.

Internal Goal: 8

Leo's internal goal in this scene is to assert himself and stand up for himself in the face of disrespect. This reflects his deeper need for respect and validation.

External Goal: 7

Leo's external goal is to defend himself and retaliate against Mike for disrespecting him. This reflects the immediate challenge he faces in the bar.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The level of conflict in the scene is high, with the bar brawl serving as a climactic moment that reveals the characters' pent-up emotions and tensions.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Mike disrespecting Leo and sparking a physical confrontation that adds conflict and tension to the narrative.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in the scene, as the bar brawl not only affects the characters' relationships but also has potential consequences for their future interactions and dynamics.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by revealing the characters' true emotions and relationships, setting the stage for further developments and conflicts.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the sudden escalation of conflict and the unexpected physical confrontation between Leo and Mike.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is the clash between Leo's sense of self-respect and the disrespect he faces from Mike. It challenges Leo's beliefs about standing up for himself and asserting his worth.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene has a high emotional impact due to the intense conflict and aggression displayed in the bar brawl, evoking strong emotions from the characters and the audience.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the escalating tension and conflict among the characters, adding to the realism of the bar brawl.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense action, raw emotions, and fast-paced dialogue that keeps the audience on the edge of their seats.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and keeps the audience engaged, leading to a climactic confrontation between Leo and Mike.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with clear action lines and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a bar fight scenario, building tension and escalating conflict effectively.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the chaotic atmosphere of a fisherman's bar, which is essential for establishing the setting and the culture surrounding the characters. However, the dialogue could benefit from more distinct character voices to enhance individuality and make the banter feel more organic.
  • Leo's struggle to keep up with the fast-paced conversation is a strong choice that highlights his feelings of isolation and frustration. However, the transition from his internal struggle to the external conflict with Mike feels abrupt. A smoother build-up to the confrontation could enhance the emotional impact.
  • The use of physical comedy, such as Mike's mock sign language, is effective in showcasing the tension between the characters. However, it risks coming off as insensitive. It would be beneficial to ensure that this moment serves a purpose in the narrative beyond just humor, perhaps by deepening the conflict or revealing more about Leo's character.
  • The chaotic brawl is visually engaging, but it could be enhanced by incorporating more sensory details. Describing the sounds, smells, and sights of the bar during the fight would immerse the audience further into the scene.
  • The scene ends with Leo angrily brushing off his friends, which effectively conveys his emotional state. However, it might be more impactful if there were a moment of reflection or a line that encapsulates his feelings about the altercation, providing a clearer emotional arc.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a line or two of dialogue that showcases Leo's internal thoughts or feelings about the conversation before the fight breaks out. This could help the audience connect with his character on a deeper level.
  • Introduce a moment of hesitation or a brief internal conflict for Leo before he reacts to Mike's mockery. This could heighten the tension and make his eventual outburst feel more justified.
  • Enhance the physicality of the scene by including more descriptions of the environment during the brawl, such as patrons' reactions, the sound of breaking glass, or the smell of spilled beer, to create a more vivid picture.
  • Explore the dynamics between Leo and his friends more. Perhaps include a moment where they try to calm him down before he reacts, which could add depth to their relationships and highlight Leo's isolation.
  • After the fight, consider adding a moment where Leo reflects on what just happened, either through a line of dialogue or a visual cue, to provide closure to the emotional arc of the scene.



Scene 23 -  Flirting in the Shadows
INT. PRATTY’S BAR - LATER

Leo sits at the bar, fuming, an empty beer glass in front of
him. He rubs a shiner on the left side of his face.

BARTENDER
(loudly, slowly)
Want some ice for your eye?

Leo shakes his head no. He points at the beer tap.

BARTENDER (CONT'D)
(understanding)
Ah, yeah.

The bartender pours him another. Leo notices Gertie, hanging
behind the bar, carefully watching him.

Gertie gestures, “You okay?” He shrugs, “Whatever.”

Leo gestures, “What are you doing in here?” She points to her
bar-rag and apron, indicating that she’s working.

They stare at each other for a moment. Gertie boldly takes
his phone and types in her number. Then pulls her own phone
out of her pocket, waiting. He considers it. Then TEXTS HER.

Leo: You work here? You’re not even old enough to drink.

She texts back.

Gertie: These guys can’t count to 21.

Then...


Gertie: Good punch.

They share a grin, the sexual tension palpable.


INT. PRATTY’S BAR - STORAGE CLOSET - AFTERNOON

Leo and Gertie go at it, making-out in the storage closet.
Genres: ["Drama","Romance"]

Summary At Pratty's Bar, Leo, nursing a black eye, engages in a flirtatious exchange with Gertie, a bartender. Despite his emotional turmoil, their playful texting leads to a romantic moment as they sneak into a storage closet, where they share a passionate kiss, deepening their connection.
Strengths
  • Tension-building
  • Character dynamics
  • Emotional intensity
Weaknesses
  • Potential lack of context for new viewers

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively builds tension and conflict between the characters, leading to a passionate encounter that adds depth to their relationship.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a tense and seductive encounter in a bar setting is well-executed, adding depth to the characters and their relationship.

Plot: 7.5

The plot of the scene focuses on the escalating tension and conflict between Leo and Gertie, driving the emotional intensity of the encounter.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on the classic bar encounter trope by subverting expectations and adding layers of complexity to the characters' motivations. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters of Leo and Gertie are well-developed in this scene, with their conflicting personalities and desires driving the emotional dynamics.

Character Changes: 8

Both Leo and Gertie experience a shift in their dynamic during the scene, as their tension and passion come to the forefront.

Internal Goal: 8

Leo's internal goal in this scene is to connect with Gertie on a deeper level, despite his initial standoffish attitude. This reflects his desire for companionship and intimacy.

External Goal: 7

Leo's external goal is to engage in a flirtatious interaction with Gertie, leading to a physical encounter. This reflects his immediate desire for a romantic connection.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between Leo and Gertie is intense and drives the emotional intensity of the scene, adding depth to their relationship.

Opposition: 6

The opposition in the scene is moderate, with Leo initially resistant to Gertie's advances but ultimately giving in to the flirtation.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in the scene as Leo and Gertie navigate their conflicting desires and emotions, leading to a pivotal moment in their relationship.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by deepening the relationship between Leo and Gertie, adding complexity to their characters and dynamics.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected shift from verbal banter to physical intimacy, keeping the audience on their toes.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the characters' differing views on age and maturity. Leo questions Gertie's presence in the bar due to her age, while Gertie challenges societal norms by asserting her independence and confidence.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene has a high emotional impact due to the intense and passionate interaction between Leo and Gertie, drawing the audience into their dynamic.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the tension and conflict between Leo and Gertie, adding depth to their interaction.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the dynamic interactions between the characters, the buildup of sexual tension, and the unexpected turn of events in the storage closet.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and maintaining the audience's interest, leading to a satisfying payoff in the storage closet.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings and dialogue formatting. The visual descriptions enhance the atmosphere of the setting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a traditional structure for a flirtatious encounter in a bar setting, with a clear progression from initial tension to physical intimacy. The formatting and pacing contribute to the effectiveness of the scene.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures Leo's emotional state following the brawl, showcasing his frustration and vulnerability through his interactions with the bartender and Gertie. However, the transition from his anger to flirtation feels abrupt. The shift in tone could be smoothed out to better reflect the complexity of Leo's emotions.
  • The dialogue is functional but lacks depth. While it conveys the immediate situation, it could benefit from more subtext or emotional resonance. For instance, Gertie's comments could hint at her own feelings or experiences, adding layers to their interaction.
  • The use of texting as a form of communication is contemporary and relatable, but it may come off as a bit too convenient. It could be more impactful if their conversation included more face-to-face dialogue, allowing for a richer exploration of their chemistry and the tension between them.
  • The physicality of the scene is strong, particularly in the storage closet, but it could be enhanced by incorporating more sensory details. Describing the environment—such as the smell of the storage room or the sounds of the bar—could immerse the audience further into the moment.
  • The pacing of the scene feels rushed, especially in the transition from the bar to the storage closet. A moment of hesitation or internal conflict for Leo before he decides to kiss Gertie could heighten the tension and make the moment feel more significant.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment of reflection for Leo after the brawl, allowing him to process his emotions before engaging with Gertie. This could create a more natural transition into their flirtation.
  • Enhance the dialogue by incorporating more subtext. For example, Gertie could make a comment that reveals her own struggles or aspirations, creating a deeper connection between her and Leo.
  • Instead of relying solely on texting, include more verbal exchanges between Leo and Gertie that reveal their personalities and establish a stronger rapport.
  • Add sensory details to the scene to create a more vivid atmosphere. Describe the sounds, smells, and sights of the bar and storage closet to draw the audience into the moment.
  • Slow down the pacing by including a moment of hesitation or uncertainty before Leo and Gertie kiss. This could build anticipation and make their connection feel more meaningful.



Scene 24 -  Awkward Harmonies
EXT. ROSSI HOME - DRIVEWAY - AFTERNOON

Miles and Ruby walk into the yard, strewn with fishing nets,
buoys, gear. Miles carries his guitar. Ruby looks around,
embarrassed it’s a dump.

RUBY
At least they support you, right?
Your music?

MILES
(shrugs)
Well, my dad insists guitar is a
waste of time because it’s not a
true string instrument. They suck
the fun right out of it.

RUBY
I’m sorry about all of this. My
house is kind of gross.

MILES
It’s cool.

Ruby leads him up the rickety porch steps into the house.


INT. ROSSI HOME - HALLWAY/RUBY’S ROOM - DAY

Ruby leads Miles up the stairs and into her room. Miles spies
the Shaggs record on her player.

MILES
No way! The Shaggs. I’m really here
to just steal these ladies.
(re: the record player)
I can’t believe this actually
works.

RUBY
It sounds like shit, but so does my
stereo. My mom thought it was a
waste of money. It was two dollars
from Goodwill.


MILES
Do they even get what music is?

RUBY
My dad really likes gangsta rap
‘cause of the bass.

Miles laughs. He studies her.

MILES
When we were little I used to see
you guys in town.

RUBY
We were hard to miss.

MILES
This one time, I think it was like
third grade, you were at the
Seaport Grille. You were ordering
for your parents, talking to the
waiter like a total baller. And
then you ordered two beers. I
thought it was so cool.

RUBY
Really?

MILES
Yeah. My parents wouldn’t even let
me ride the bus by myself.
(beat)
They’re weird, and they hate each
other, so there’s that.

Ruby takes this in. No one’s ever seen it like that.

RUBY
So how should we do this? Stand?

MILES
Maybe we face each other.

They face each other, nervously. Miles plays guitar, they
begin to sing.

MILES (CONT'D)
(singing)
Like the sweet morning dew, I took
one look at you. And it was plain
to see, you were my destiny --


RUBY
(singing)
With my arms open wide, I threw
away my pride --
(interrupting herself)
Sorry, this is super weird.

MILES
Okay.

RUBY
I don’t know where to look.

MILES
Well, do you want to try, like,
going back to back?

RUBY
Yeah, please.

Miles turns and leans against her. It’s almost more intimate.

MILES
(singing)
Like the sweet morning dew, I took
one look at you. And it was plain
to see, you were my destiny --

RUBY
(singing)
With my arms open wide, I threw
away my pride. I'll sacrifice for
you, dedicate my life for you. I
will go where you lead. Always
there in time of need --

MILES
(singing)
And when I lose my will, you'll be
there to push me up the hill --

Ruby relaxes. It’s romantic to hear their voices harmonizing.
Through the wall comes a THUMPING SOUND. Ruby ignores it.

RUBY AND MILES
(singing)
There's no, no looking back for us.
We got love sure 'nough, that's
enough. You're all, you're all I
need to get by.

The sounds through the wall grow louder. They are clearly SEX
SOUNDS. LOUD SEX SOUNDS. Grunting and headboard banging.
Miles hears a moan.


MILES
Is that your mom?

RUBY
Uh. Yeah.

MILES
Is she okay?

Ruby stares at him for a beat. The parental sex noises
escalate. Mortified, Ruby abruptly runs from the room.
Genres: ["Drama","Romance"]

Summary Miles and Ruby arrive at Ruby's cluttered home, reminiscing about their childhood and discussing their families' views on music. They share a nostalgic moment singing together, which turns romantic until they are interrupted by loud sexual noises from Ruby's mother, causing Ruby to flee the room in embarrassment.
Strengths
  • Authentic character interactions
  • Emotional depth
  • Effective use of music
Weaknesses
  • Low external conflict
  • Limited plot progression

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively captures the intimate and awkward moments between Ruby and Miles, creating a nostalgic and heartfelt atmosphere. The use of music to convey emotions adds depth to the characters and their relationship.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring the romantic connection between Ruby and Miles through music while juxtaposing it with the embarrassing situation of parental intimacy is engaging and adds depth to the characters and their relationships.

Plot: 8

The plot is advanced through the development of Ruby and Miles' relationship, showcasing their vulnerability and connection. The scene adds layers to the characters and sets up potential conflicts and resolutions.

Originality: 8

The scene demonstrates a level of originality through its nuanced portrayal of relationships, family dynamics, and music. The characters' actions and dialogue feel fresh and authentic, adding depth to the familiar themes.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters of Ruby and Miles are well-developed in this scene, showing vulnerability, affection, and awkwardness in a realistic manner. Their interactions reveal depth and complexity, setting the stage for further character growth.

Character Changes: 7

Both Ruby and Miles experience a subtle shift in their relationship dynamics, moving from awkwardness to a deeper connection through their duet. The scene sets the stage for potential growth and changes in their characters.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to connect with Ruby on a deeper level and express his feelings through music. This reflects his desire for emotional intimacy and understanding.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to bond with Ruby through music and create a romantic moment. This reflects the immediate challenge of navigating their awkwardness and building a connection.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

The conflict in the scene is relatively low, focusing more on the emotional dynamics between Ruby and Miles rather than external conflicts. The tension arises from the awkwardness and vulnerability of the characters.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create tension and conflict, as the characters navigate their awkwardness and vulnerability. The unexpected intrusion of loud sex sounds adds a layer of discomfort and humor.

High Stakes: 5

The stakes in the scene are relatively low, focusing more on the emotional dynamics between Ruby and Miles rather than high-stakes conflicts. The scene is more about character development and relationship building.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by developing the relationship between Ruby and Miles, adding layers to their characters and setting up potential conflicts and resolutions. It deepens the emotional stakes and sets the stage for future developments.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because it subverts expectations by blending romantic moments with awkwardness and humor. The sudden intrusion of loud sex sounds adds a surprising twist to the scene.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the characters' differing views on music, family, and relationships. Miles sees music as a form of expression and connection, while Ruby's family has different values and priorities.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact due to the intimate and vulnerable moments shared between Ruby and Miles, as well as the awkward and embarrassing situation of parental intimacy. The audience is likely to feel a range of emotions while watching.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue between Ruby and Miles is authentic and reflective of their emotions, creating a sense of intimacy and connection. The awkward moments are portrayed realistically, adding depth to the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it captures the audience's attention with its authentic characters, emotional depth, and relatable interactions. The awkwardness and vulnerability of the characters create a sense of intimacy and connection.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by balancing moments of intimacy, humor, and tension. The rhythm of the dialogue and actions keeps the audience engaged and invested in the characters' journey.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with proper scene headings, dialogue formatting, and action descriptions. The visual and auditory elements are well-balanced and enhance the storytelling.

Structure: 9

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm of the scene contribute to its effectiveness in conveying the characters' emotions and motivations.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the awkwardness and intimacy of Ruby and Miles' budding relationship, which is a strong point. Their nervousness is relatable and adds authenticity to their interaction.
  • The dialogue flows naturally, showcasing their personalities and backgrounds. Ruby's embarrassment about her home and Miles' humorous take on his family's attitude towards music create a nice contrast that deepens their connection.
  • The use of music as a bonding element is well-executed, and the choice of lyrics reflects their emotional state. However, the transition from singing to the interruption by Ruby's parents could be more seamless to maintain the flow of the scene.
  • The escalating noise from Ruby's parents is a clever device to introduce humor and tension, but it might benefit from a more gradual build-up to enhance the comedic effect. The suddenness of the interruption feels a bit jarring.
  • The scene ends abruptly with Ruby running out, which effectively conveys her embarrassment, but it could be enhanced by a brief moment of Miles' reaction to the situation. This would provide a more rounded emotional response and deepen the audience's connection to both characters.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a few more lines of dialogue during the singing to further develop their chemistry and ease the transition into the interruption. This could help build tension before the comedic release.
  • Introduce the noise from Ruby's parents earlier in the scene, perhaps as a faint sound that gradually grows louder, to create anticipation and make the eventual interruption feel more natural.
  • Include a brief moment where Miles reacts to the noise before Ruby runs out. This could be a humorous or surprised expression that adds depth to his character and shows his concern for Ruby.
  • Explore Ruby's internal thoughts or feelings during the singing to give the audience insight into her emotional state, which could enhance the scene's impact.
  • Consider using visual cues, such as Ruby's body language or facial expressions, to convey her embarrassment more vividly before she runs out, making the moment more relatable and engaging.



Scene 25 -  Awkward Revelations
INT. ROSSI HOME - HALLWAY/PARENTS’ ROOM - DAY

Ruby opens the door a crack, averts her eyes and then
flickers the lights on and off.


INT. ROSSI HOME - PARENTS’ ROOM/HALLWAY - DAY

As the bedroom lights flicker, Frank and Jackie freeze, like
busted teenagers.


INT. ROSSI HOME - LIVING ROOM - DAY

Ruby and Miles sit awkwardly across from Frank and Jackie,
who wear bathrobes.

FRANK
We need to discuss this.

RUBY
No, we don’t.

JACKIE
We had no idea you were home.

RUBY
The doctor said you’re not even
supposed to have sex!

FRANK
Look at your mother! Hot! How am I
supposed to control myself?

MILES
(gesturing to the door)
Maybe I should go.

Miles stands to leave. Frank gestures for him to sit down.


MILES (CONT'D)
Okay.

FRANK
I want to know what your intentions
are.

RUBY
(signed and spoken)
Dad, no!

FRANK
Are you two having sex?

MILES
What is he saying?

Ruby won’t interpret. Frank signs it again. It’s vulgar
looking and pretty damn clear what he’s saying.

FRANK
You screwing my daughter?

JACKIE
You two have to use condoms.

FRANK
Put a helmet on that soldier.

Frank makes the gesture of putting on a condom. Miles’s eyes
go wide and he laughs. Ruby jumps up.

RUBY
Oh my god! Miles go!
(to her parents)
You guys are the worst!

Miles stands, awkwardly moving toward the door.

MILES
Nice to meet you?

RUBY
Go!

Miles takes off. Ruby stares at her parents, horrified.

RUBY (CONT'D)
(signed and spoken)
Ugh! I hate you!
Genres: ["Drama","Comedy"]

Summary Ruby accidentally discovers her parents, Frank and Jackie, in a compromising situation, leading to an uncomfortable confrontation about her relationship with Miles. As Frank bluntly questions Miles about their sexual activity and Jackie awkwardly advises on safe sex, Ruby's embarrassment and anger escalate. The scene culminates in Miles leaving awkwardly and Ruby expressing her frustration towards her parents, leaving the conflict unresolved.
Strengths
  • Sharp dialogue
  • Humorous tone
  • Realistic character interactions
Weaknesses
  • Slightly predictable outcome
  • Lack of deeper emotional exploration

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene is well-written with a good balance of humor and discomfort, effectively portraying the awkwardness of the situation while also providing comedic relief. The dialogue is sharp and engaging, keeping the audience entertained throughout.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring a taboo subject within a family setting is intriguing and adds depth to the characters and their relationships. The scene effectively uses humor to address a sensitive topic, making it relatable and engaging.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene revolves around the unexpected confrontation between the parents and their daughter's boyfriend, leading to a humorous and awkward exchange. It adds a layer of complexity to the family dynamics and sets up potential conflicts for future development.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh approach to the familiar theme of parental interference in a romantic relationship. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and relatable, adding to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters are well-developed and their personalities shine through in their interactions. The parents' overbearing nature and the daughter's embarrassment are portrayed convincingly, adding depth to the scene. The boyfriend's reactions provide comic relief and contrast to the family dynamic.

Character Changes: 7

The characters experience a shift in their dynamics and boundaries as they confront the taboo topic of sexual activity. The daughter asserts her independence, the parents reveal their overprotective nature, and the boyfriend navigates the awkward situation.

Internal Goal: 8

Ruby's internal goal is to assert her independence and boundaries in front of her parents, while also feeling embarrassed and frustrated by their behavior. This reflects her deeper need for autonomy and respect as a young adult.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to navigate a difficult conversation with her parents about her relationship with Miles. This reflects the immediate challenge of asserting her agency and dealing with her parents' intrusive behavior.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7.5

The conflict in the scene is primarily internal, as the characters navigate their emotions and boundaries in a tense situation. The clash of perspectives and expectations creates tension and humor, driving the scene forward.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting desires and motivations driving the characters' actions. The audience is left uncertain about the outcome of the conversation.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are relatively high in the scene as the characters confront a sensitive and taboo topic, risking their relationships and boundaries. The outcome of the confrontation could have lasting effects on their dynamics and interactions.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by deepening the family dynamics and setting up potential conflicts and resolutions. It adds complexity to the characters and their relationships, paving the way for future developments.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists in the conversation and the characters' reactions. The audience is kept on their toes, unsure of how the conflict will be resolved.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the clash between parental authority and individual autonomy. It challenges Ruby's beliefs about privacy, respect, and communication within the family.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7.5

The scene elicits a range of emotions from the audience, including embarrassment, humor, and shock. The characters' reactions and the awkwardness of the situation create a strong emotional impact, resonating with viewers.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is witty, sharp, and realistic, capturing the awkwardness and humor of the situation. It effectively conveys the characters' emotions and motivations, driving the scene forward with engaging exchanges.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its mix of humor, tension, and emotional depth. The characters' interactions and reactions keep the audience invested in the unfolding drama.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by balancing moments of tension with comedic relief. The rhythm of the dialogue and character movements keeps the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with clear scene headings and character actions. The dialogue is formatted correctly, enhancing readability.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a family drama genre, with clear character motivations and conflict resolution. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the effectiveness of the scene.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the awkwardness and embarrassment of Ruby as she confronts her parents about their inappropriate behavior. The use of humor, particularly through Frank's crude comments, adds levity to an otherwise uncomfortable situation, which is a strong choice for balancing the tone.
  • The dialogue is sharp and reflects the characters' personalities well. Frank's over-the-top reactions and Jackie’s pragmatic advice about condoms create a vivid picture of their dynamic as parents. However, the humor could risk overshadowing the emotional weight of Ruby's feelings, which might need more exploration.
  • The physicality of the scene is well-executed, with the visual of Frank and Jackie in bathrobes juxtaposed against the serious topic of conversation. This contrast enhances the comedic effect but also highlights the absurdity of the situation. However, it may be beneficial to delve deeper into Ruby's emotional state, perhaps through her body language or internal thoughts, to provide a more rounded perspective.
  • The pacing of the scene is brisk, which works well for the comedic elements, but it might benefit from a moment of pause after Ruby's initial shock. Allowing a brief silence could heighten the tension before the humor resumes, giving the audience a moment to absorb Ruby's embarrassment.
  • The use of sign language adds an authentic layer to the scene, but it may be helpful to clarify the signs for the audience who may not be familiar with ASL. This could be done through a brief visual cue or a more explicit interpretation from Ruby, ensuring that the humor is accessible to all viewers.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment of silence or a pause after Ruby's initial reaction to allow the audience to fully grasp her embarrassment before the humor resumes. This could enhance the emotional impact of the scene.
  • Explore Ruby's internal thoughts or feelings more deeply, perhaps through a brief voiceover or a moment of reflection, to provide insight into her emotional turmoil amidst the comedic chaos.
  • Clarify the signs used by Frank through Ruby's interpretation or visual cues to ensure that the humor is accessible to all viewers, regardless of their familiarity with ASL.
  • Introduce a line or two that reflects Ruby's frustration with her parents' lack of awareness about her feelings, which could add depth to her character and highlight the generational gap in understanding relationships.
  • Consider having Miles react more to the situation, perhaps with a line that reflects his own discomfort or embarrassment, to further emphasize the awkwardness of the moment and create a stronger bond between him and Ruby.



Scene 26 -  Rumors and Regrets
INT. HIGH SCHOOL - CAFETERIA - LUNCH

Ruby and Gertie make their way through the cafeteria line.

GERTIE
Good for them. I don’t think my
mom’s had sex since my dad left.
Except with her divorce attorney.

RUBY
It was so embarrassing. I can’t
ever see him again.

GERTIE
I’m sure he’s forgotten about it
already.

Ruby carries her tray to a table. She passes Audra and her
friends. They make SEX NOISES. Ruby stares at them, trying to
figure out what they’re doing. Audra mimes putting a condom
on her own hand. Ruby catches Miles’s eye. He looks slightly
horrified. Finally it clicks. Miles must have told them.

It starts to spread. The next table over makes sex noises
too. The whole school knows.

Horrified, Ruby bolts out of the cafeteria. Miles watches her
go, then jumps up and follows.
Genres: ["Drama","Comedy"]

Summary In the high school cafeteria, Ruby and Gertie discuss their personal lives when Ruby becomes horrified to see Audra and her friends mocking her embarrassing moment, which has spread throughout the school. As the laughter and sexual mimicking escalate, Ruby, overwhelmed by humiliation, flees the cafeteria, with Miles feeling guilty and deciding to follow her.
Strengths
  • Effective blend of drama and comedy
  • Authentic character reactions
  • Engaging and relatable concept
Weaknesses
  • Potential for the scene to veer into cliché or melodrama if not handled carefully

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively combines elements of drama and comedy to create a memorable and engaging moment. The mix of embarrassment, humor, and shock keeps the audience entertained and invested in the characters' reactions.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the scene, focusing on the consequences of a private moment becoming public in a high school setting, is engaging and relatable. The exploration of how rumors spread and affect individuals is effectively portrayed.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene revolves around the escalating embarrassment and shock experienced by Ruby as a private incident is exposed to the entire school. The events unfold in a logical and engaging manner, driving the narrative forward.

Originality: 8

The scene offers a fresh approach to the typical high school cafeteria setting by focusing on the protagonist's embarrassment and public humiliation. The dialogue feels authentic and relatable, adding to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters' reactions to the situation, particularly Ruby's embarrassment and Miles's horror, are well-developed and add depth to the scene. The interactions between the characters feel authentic and contribute to the overall tone of the scene.

Character Changes: 7

The scene leads to a change in Ruby's perception of her privacy and the consequences of rumors. The experience of public embarrassment may impact her character development moving forward.

Internal Goal: 8

Ruby's internal goal is to avoid embarrassment and humiliation in front of her peers. This reflects her deeper need for acceptance and fear of being judged by others.

External Goal: 7

Ruby's external goal is to escape the embarrassing situation in the cafeteria and maintain her reputation.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict in the scene arises from the embarrassment and shock experienced by Ruby as a private incident is exposed to the entire school. The tension and awkwardness between the characters contribute to the overall conflict.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist facing public humiliation and social pressure, creating a challenging situation for her to overcome.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes in the scene are relatively high for Ruby, as her private moment becoming public leads to embarrassment and potential social consequences. The impact of the incident on her relationships and reputation adds tension to the scene.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing a new conflict and highlighting the dynamics between the characters. The repercussions of the embarrassing incident may have implications for future plot developments.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because the protagonist's reaction to the embarrassing situation is unexpected, leading to a dramatic turn of events.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the clash between personal privacy and public humiliation. Ruby's beliefs about privacy and personal boundaries are challenged by the public exposure of her embarrassing moment.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene elicits a strong emotional response from the audience, particularly in terms of embarrassment and shock. The relatability of the situation and the characters' reactions enhance the emotional impact of the scene.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the shock and humor of the situation, with the characters' reactions adding to the comedic elements. The use of non-verbal communication, such as sex noises and gestures, enhances the humor of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it captures the relatable teenage drama and emotional turmoil, keeping the audience invested in the protagonist's struggle.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and emotional intensity, leading to a dramatic climax and character development.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and easy to follow, with proper scene headings and dialogue formatting for a screenplay.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a high school drama genre, with clear character interactions and escalating tension leading to a dramatic climax.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures Ruby's embarrassment and the social dynamics of high school, particularly how rumors can spread quickly. The use of humor in Gertie's line about her mother adds a light touch to an otherwise tense moment, which is a good balance.
  • The escalation of the situation is well-paced, with Ruby's realization of the rumor spreading around her being a strong emotional beat. However, the transition from her internal horror to her physical reaction (bolting out of the cafeteria) could be more pronounced. Adding a moment of hesitation or a brief internal monologue could enhance the emotional impact.
  • The dialogue feels authentic to high school interactions, particularly the banter between Ruby and Gertie. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtext. For instance, Gertie's comment could hint at her own insecurities or experiences, which would deepen her character and provide a contrast to Ruby's situation.
  • The visual imagery of Audra and her friends making sexual noises is effective in conveying the cruelty of high school social dynamics. However, it might be beneficial to include a brief description of Ruby's physical reaction to this—perhaps a tightening of her jaw or a flinch—before she bolts, to emphasize her emotional state.
  • The scene ends abruptly with Ruby running out, which is effective in conveying her panic. However, it might be more impactful if there was a moment where she looks back at Miles, giving a sense of their connection and the weight of the situation before she leaves.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief internal thought or reaction from Ruby as she processes the embarrassment before she runs out. This could help the audience connect more deeply with her emotional state.
  • Enhance Gertie's character by giving her a line that reflects her own feelings about relationships or her parents, which could create a more layered conversation between her and Ruby.
  • Include a physical reaction from Ruby when she sees Audra and her friends, such as a flinch or a moment of disbelief, to visually convey her horror before she reacts.
  • Before Ruby bolts, have her exchange a meaningful glance with Miles that conveys their shared understanding of the situation, adding emotional weight to her departure.
  • Consider using a more descriptive action for Ruby as she leaves the cafeteria, such as pushing through the crowd or knocking over a tray, to emphasize her urgency and emotional turmoil.



Scene 27 -  Rumors and Tears
INT. HIGH SCHOOL - HALLWAY - CONTINUOUS

Ruby hurries down the hallway on the verge of tears. Miles
catches up with her.

MILES
Hey, Ruby --

RUBY
Get away from me!

MILES
Wait, I didn’t do that, okay? I
didn’t tell them --

RUBY
Yes, you did.

MILES
No, no... I didn’t. I told Jay. One
person. We were laughing. I thought
it was funny!

Ruby stares at him, then hurries away. Miles doesn’t follow.


INT. HIGH SCHOOL - STAIRS - CONTINUOUS

Ruby runs into the stairwell. Alone and hidden, she cries.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary In a tense high school hallway, Ruby confronts Miles, believing he is the source of a hurtful rumor about her. Despite Miles's attempts to clarify that he only shared the information jokingly with one person, Ruby dismisses him and runs away, overwhelmed with emotion. The scene culminates with Ruby alone in the stairwell, crying quietly, highlighting her distress and the unresolved conflict between them.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Tension building
  • Character development
Weaknesses
  • Potential for melodrama
  • Lack of resolution

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys Ruby's emotional state through her actions and dialogue, creating a tense and dramatic atmosphere. The conflict between Ruby and Miles adds depth to their relationship and sets up future developments.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of betrayal and confrontation is central to the scene, driving the emotional arc of the characters and setting up future conflicts. The scene effectively explores the consequences of gossip and misunderstandings.

Plot: 8

The plot progresses as Ruby's emotional state is further developed through the confrontation with Miles. The scene sets up future conflicts and character dynamics, moving the story forward.

Originality: 8

The scene offers a fresh take on the familiar high school drama genre by delving into complex emotional dynamics and moral dilemmas. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and relatable, adding depth to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

Ruby's emotional depth and vulnerability are well portrayed, while Miles' role in the conflict adds complexity to their relationship. The scene highlights their individual traits and sets the stage for character growth.

Character Changes: 8

Ruby experiences a shift in her emotional state, moving from hurt and betrayal to anger and determination. This change sets the stage for her character development and future actions.

Internal Goal: 8

Ruby's internal goal in this scene is to deal with the emotional turmoil caused by a betrayal from Miles. She is struggling with feelings of hurt, betrayal, and isolation.

External Goal: 7

Ruby's external goal in this scene is to escape from Miles and find a place to process her emotions in private.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between Ruby and Miles is intense and emotionally charged, driving the scene's tension and drama. The confrontation escalates the stakes and sets up future conflicts.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Ruby facing emotional turmoil and betrayal from Miles. The audience is left uncertain about the outcome of their conflict.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high for Ruby as she navigates the emotional fallout of betrayal and confronts Miles about his role in the situation. The outcome of their conflict will impact their relationship and future interactions.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by deepening the conflict between Ruby and Miles, setting up future plot developments and character arcs. The confrontation adds layers to the narrative and engages the audience.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the shifting dynamics between Ruby and Miles, the unexpected revelations, and the unresolved tension at the end.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around trust, loyalty, and the consequences of gossip. Ruby and Miles have different perspectives on the situation, leading to a clash of values and beliefs.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions from the audience, particularly empathy for Ruby's vulnerable state and anger towards Miles' role in the conflict. The emotional impact drives the narrative forward and engages the audience.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue effectively conveys the emotional turmoil between Ruby and Miles, adding depth to their characters. The confrontation is tense and impactful, driving the scene forward.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the intense emotional conflict between the characters, the high stakes of the situation, and the relatable themes of betrayal and trust.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and emotional intensity, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the characters' emotional journey.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and concise, following the expected format for a screenplay. The scene directions and dialogue are well-organized and easy to follow.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a high school drama, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm of the scene contribute to its effectiveness in building tension and emotional impact.


Critique
  • This scene effectively captures Ruby's emotional turmoil following the previous events, emphasizing her vulnerability and the impact of the rumor mill at school. The dialogue conveys a sense of urgency and frustration, particularly Ruby's defensive reaction to Miles. However, the scene could benefit from deeper exploration of Ruby's internal conflict, allowing the audience to feel her pain more profoundly.
  • The pacing of the scene is quick, which aligns with Ruby's frantic emotional state. However, it might be enhanced by allowing a moment of silence or hesitation before Ruby rushes away. This could give the audience a chance to absorb her feelings and create a more poignant moment.
  • Miles's attempts to clarify his intentions provide a necessary counterpoint to Ruby's anger, but his dialogue could be more impactful. Instead of stating he only told one person, he could express regret about how his actions contributed to the rumor, which would deepen his character's complexity and show his understanding of the situation's gravity.
  • The transition from the hallway to the stairwell is effective in visually representing Ruby's desire for isolation. However, the scene could include a brief moment where she reflects on her feelings before she begins to cry, providing insight into her internal struggle and making her emotional release more powerful.
  • The scene's climax, where Ruby runs away, is strong, but it could be enhanced by including a visual cue or sound that signifies her emotional state—perhaps the sounds of laughter from her classmates echoing in the stairwell as she breaks down. This would reinforce the sense of isolation and despair she feels.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment of hesitation or internal dialogue for Ruby before she reacts to Miles. This could help the audience connect with her emotional state more deeply.
  • Rework Miles's dialogue to include a more empathetic acknowledgment of how his actions contributed to the situation, showcasing his growth and understanding.
  • Include a visual or auditory element that emphasizes Ruby's emotional breakdown, such as the sounds of laughter echoing in the stairwell, to enhance the scene's emotional weight.
  • Explore Ruby's internal conflict further by adding a brief moment of reflection before she cries, allowing the audience to understand her emotional journey.
  • Consider extending the scene slightly to provide a more gradual build-up to Ruby's emotional release, creating a stronger connection between her distress and the audience.



Scene 28 -  Finding Her Voice
INT. BERNARDO’S HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - LATER

Bernardo works with Ruby at the piano, trying to release her
voice. She sings a few bars of “Both Sides Now” by Joni
Mitchell.

RUBY
(singing)
They shake their heads, they say
I’ve changed.

BERNARDO
Breathe!

RUBY
(singing)
Well, something’s lost, but
something’s gained. In living every
day.

BERNARDO
Let it out! Don’t hold it.

RUBY
(singing)
I’ve looked at life from both sides
now. From --

BERNARDO
Don’t hold it!

Ruby stops, frustrated.

BERNARDO (CONT'D)
Ruby, no! If you’re gonna pick Joni
Mitchell, you gotta sing it. This
is one of the great songs.

RUBY
Yeah, I know!

BERNARDO
You either find a way to connect to
it or pick a different song.

He jumps up from the piano.


BERNARDO (CONT'D)
Okay, come on! Shake your body,
shake it. Shake your arms. Now,
sing back at me.

Bernardo sings a note at her. She sings the note back. It’s
fine, but there’s tension in her voice.

BERNARDO (CONT'D)
No, no! You’re holding it.

RUBY
I’m not.

BERNARDO
Yeah, you’re trying to sound
pretty.

RUBY
I’m not.

BERNARDO
Yes, you are.

Bernardo studies her for a moment.

BERNARDO (CONT'D)
Okay, you said, when you started
school you talked funny. Funny how?

RUBY
I talked like a deaf person.

BERNARDO
What does a deaf person sound like?

RUBY
(hesitates)
You know.

BERNARDO
No, no I don’t know. I want you to
tell me.

RUBY
Different?

BERNARDO
Different how?

RUBY
(reluctantly)
Like, wrong. Ugly.


BERNARDO
Ugly, okay. Make an ugly sound for
me.

RUBY
What?

BERNARDO
Come on! Yeah. You think you were
the only kid who ever got bullied?
Who ever had a funny accent?! Look
in my eyes. Push against my hands
as hard as you can. Push! Make the
ugliest, grossest, sound you can.
Come on! URRGHHH!

Ruby lets go with an ugly sound. Reluctantly.

RUBY
UUUUUGH!

BERNARDO
ARRRGGHHH!

RUBY
UURRRRGHHHHHHH!

BERNARDO
No! Be a monster!

BERNARDO (CONT'D)
UARRRRGGHHHH!

RUBY
(screaming)
AAAUURRRRGHHHHHHH!

BERNARDO
Now sing at me!

Ruby belts back at him. Her voice comes out clear, resonant
and LOUD. Bernardo looks satisfied.

BERNARDO (CONT'D)
Yes! That’s it. THAT’S IT. THAT’S
what I was waiting for. Hey!

Bernardo gives her a high five.

BERNARDO (CONT'D)
Yes!
Genres: ["Drama","Music"]

Summary In Bernardo's living room, he mentors Ruby in singing 'Both Sides Now' by Joni Mitchell. Ruby struggles to connect emotionally with the song, leading to frustration. Bernardo encourages her to break free from her inhibitions, pushing her to make unconventional sounds. After initial resistance, Ruby finally unleashes her voice, singing loudly and clearly, which delights Bernardo. The scene transitions from tension to triumph as Ruby discovers her true voice, culminating in a celebratory high five from Bernardo.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
  • Empowerment theme
Weaknesses
  • Limited external conflict
  • Lack of high stakes

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively captures the emotional journey of Ruby as she confronts her insecurities and learns to embrace her unique voice. The interaction between Ruby and Bernardo is compelling and showcases growth and empowerment.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of Ruby struggling to connect emotionally to her singing and the mentorship of Bernardo is engaging and relatable. It explores themes of self-discovery and empowerment through artistic expression.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene revolves around Ruby's internal struggle to break through her emotional barriers and find her true voice. It sets up a clear goal for her character development and showcases her growth.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh approach to the familiar theme of self-acceptance and growth, with authentic character actions and dialogue that resonate with the audience.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters of Ruby and Bernardo are well-developed in this scene, with Ruby's vulnerability and Bernardo's mentorship shining through. Their dynamic drives the emotional core of the scene.

Character Changes: 8

Ruby undergoes significant character growth in the scene, moving from frustration and self-doubt to empowerment and self-expression. Her journey to find her voice marks a pivotal moment in her development.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to overcome her insecurities and fears about her voice and connect emotionally to the music she is singing.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to improve her singing abilities and connect emotionally to the song she is performing.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

The conflict in the scene is primarily internal, as Ruby grapples with her insecurities and struggles to connect emotionally to her singing. The tension comes from her internal barriers rather than external forces.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist facing internal and external challenges that push her to overcome her fears and insecurities.

High Stakes: 5

The stakes in the scene are primarily internal, focusing on Ruby's personal growth and artistic development. While the emotional stakes are high for her character, there are no immediate external consequences at play.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by deepening Ruby's character arc and setting up her trajectory towards self-discovery and artistic fulfillment. It establishes a key moment in her journey.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected emotional depth and character growth that unfolds throughout the interaction between the characters.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict in this scene is the protagonist's struggle with self-acceptance and embracing her unique voice, despite past insecurities and fears.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, as it delves into Ruby's journey of self-discovery and empowerment. The moments of vulnerability and breakthrough resonate with the audience and evoke a strong emotional response.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue effectively conveys the emotional journey of the characters, with Bernardo's guidance and Ruby's internal struggle coming through in their interactions. The dialogue drives the character development and plot progression.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense emotional moments and character growth, keeping the audience invested in the protagonist's journey.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension and emotional depth, keeping the audience engaged in the character's journey.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character actions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with a clear progression of character development and emotional intensity.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures Ruby's struggle with her voice and her emotional barriers, which is a crucial aspect of her character development. The dynamic between Ruby and Bernardo is engaging, showcasing a mentor-student relationship that is both challenging and supportive.
  • The dialogue is sharp and reflects the tension between Ruby's desire to sing beautifully and Bernardo's insistence on authenticity. However, the back-and-forth could benefit from more variation in pacing to enhance the emotional stakes. The urgency in Bernardo's instructions could be heightened to reflect Ruby's internal conflict more vividly.
  • The use of physicality, such as shaking her body and making ugly sounds, is a strong visual element that adds depth to the scene. It effectively illustrates the theme of breaking free from societal expectations of beauty and perfection in performance. However, the transition from frustration to liberation could be more pronounced to emphasize Ruby's emotional journey.
  • The moment where Ruby reveals her insecurities about sounding 'wrong' or 'ugly' is poignant, but it could be expanded to delve deeper into her past experiences with bullying. This would provide more context for her emotional state and make her breakthrough moment more impactful.
  • The climax of the scene, where Ruby finally unleashes her voice, is satisfying, but it could be enhanced by incorporating more sensory details. Describing the atmosphere, such as the acoustics of the room or the expressions on Bernardo's face, would enrich the reader's experience and heighten the emotional resonance.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more internal monologue or reflection from Ruby to provide insight into her emotional state as she struggles with her voice. This could help the audience connect more deeply with her character.
  • Introduce a moment of silence or stillness before Ruby begins to sing loudly, allowing the tension to build and making her eventual release more powerful.
  • Incorporate more physical actions or gestures from Ruby that symbolize her emotional journey, such as clenching her fists or pacing, to visually represent her internal struggle.
  • Explore the mentor-student dynamic further by having Bernardo share a personal anecdote about his own struggles with performance, which could create a deeper bond between them and enhance the emotional stakes.
  • Consider ending the scene with a moment of reflection from Ruby after her breakthrough, perhaps a brief pause where she processes what just happened, to give the audience a sense of closure and growth.



Scene 29 -  A Bold Proposal at the Fisheries Council
INT. CITY HALL - DAY

The Fisheries Council addresses a crowd of fishermen,
including Frank and Leo. Gio Salgado, head of the Council and
JOHN KAUFMAN, a representative of NOAA (National Oceanic and
Atmospheric Administration) run the meeting.

BRADY
You guys raise the quotas every
year. It used to be 100 boats in
that harbor, it must be 15 now.

JIMMY
What are you doing? Taking
kickbacks from the government?

MONDO
You want to control the fishing,
but you don’t know what’s going on
out there!

JOHN KAUFMAN
That’s the point of the monitors.

MONDO
Right, a snitch.

GIO
Hey, hey, settle down. Settle down!
Let’s be respectful.

Ruby sneaks in to join her father and brother.

JOHN KAUFMAN
We’re out there to collect data.

CHUBS
Yeah well, your data is wrong,
okay? The water’s gettin’ warmer,
the fish are goin’ deeper.

JOHN KAUFMAN
Oh you’ve tested?

CHUBS
Yeah. I see what’s coming up in my
nets, you asshole!

RUBY
Sorry.

FRANK
You gotta interpret, I’m lost.


RUBY
What’s going on?

As the meeting continues, Ruby signs.

JOHN KAUFMAN
We understand that the observers
are a financial hardship, but it’s
critical to protect the fishery.

GIO
It’s John’s job to look out for the
fish, and as head of the council,
it’s my job to look out for you!

The fishermen react -- calling bullshit.

GIO (CONT'D)
It’s not the old days anymore.
Everyone has to make some
sacrifices.

JOHN KAUFMAN
Guys, we are not the enemy here.

Frank raises his hand. He stands up suddenly, banging his
chair to get the room’s attention, then...

FRANK
Suck my dick!

Frank gestures for Ruby to translate. She stares at him. Ruby
stands, not sure what to do.

RUBY
Suck my dick.
(quickly)
That’s from him, not me.

GIO
Got a problem, Frank?

Frank looks at Leo, he’s made a decision. Ruby waits
nervously. Here we go. She translates as Frank vents.

FRANK (VIA RUBY)
We’re tired of this shit, Gio! You
don’t care if these guys regulate
us to death, ‘cause you’re the only
one making money here! No one’s
getting paid what their catch is
worth!

The other fishermen look shocked at his ferocity.


FRANK (VIA RUBY) (CONT'D)
My dad fished, and his dad. So I’m
gonna fight like hell to stay out
on the water. Screw yourself. I’m
done with the auction.

GIO
Oh yeah, what are you gonna do?

Frank gestures for Leo to stand.

FRANK (VIA RUBY)
We’re gonna sell our own fish! Any
of you want to join us?

Leo looks shocked. Did his dad really just say that? Looks
are exchanged in the crowd. Brady and Chubs look interested.

GIO
Hey, what is this?

Leo stands up to help him out.

LEO (VIA RUBY)
You like giving this asshole 60% of
your paycheck? Bring us your catch
and we’ll double what you’re
getting now!

There’s silence. Then a few of the fishermen clap. Ruby
shoots Leo a look.

RUBY
Double it?

LEO
I have no idea. It sounded good
though, right?
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary During a heated Fisheries Council meeting at City Hall, fishermen, led by Frank and Leo, confront council members Gio Salgado and John Kaufman over declining fishing quotas and financial burdens. Frank passionately accuses the council of prioritizing profit over their livelihoods, using Ruby to translate his remarks. He proposes that fishermen sell their own catch to bypass council fees, igniting interest among the crowd. The scene is filled with tension as other fishermen express their frustrations, leading to a mix of surprise and intrigue regarding Frank and Leo's radical suggestion.
Strengths
  • Intense conflict
  • Strong dialogue
  • Character development
  • Plot progression
Weaknesses
  • Potential for confusion with multiple characters and dialogue

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene is well-written with strong dialogue and intense conflict, driving the plot forward and revealing key character motivations. The tension and emotional impact are high, making it a compelling and pivotal moment in the story.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of fishermen challenging authority and fighting for their rights is compelling and relevant, adding depth to the story and exploring themes of power dynamics and economic struggle. The scene effectively conveys the importance of solidarity and standing up for what is right.

Plot: 9

The plot is significantly advanced in this scene as Frank makes a bold decision to break away from the established system, setting up future conflicts and developments. The scene is crucial in establishing the fishermen's struggle and the challenges they face, driving the narrative forward.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh approach to the familiar theme of conflict between traditional practices and modern regulations in the fishing industry. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds originality to the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters are well-developed and their motivations are clearly portrayed through their actions and dialogue. Frank's defiance and Leo's support add depth to their relationship and individual arcs, while Ruby's role as a translator adds tension and emotional resonance to the scene.

Character Changes: 8

Frank's decision to break away from the auction system marks a significant change in his character, showing his defiance and determination to fight for his rights. This decision sets up future developments and challenges for the character, driving his arc forward.

Internal Goal: 9

Frank's internal goal in this scene is to stand up for the rights of the fishermen and challenge the authority of the Fisheries Council. This reflects his deeper desire to protect his livelihood and the legacy of his family's fishing tradition.

External Goal: 8

Frank's external goal is to propose a new way of selling fish directly to the fishermen, bypassing the current system and offering them a better deal. This reflects the immediate challenge of the unfair regulations and lack of compensation for the fishermen.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The level of conflict in the scene is high, with intense confrontations and emotional outbursts driving the tension and drama. The clash between the fishermen and the Council members creates a palpable sense of defiance and rebellion, raising the stakes for the characters.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting viewpoints and motivations among the characters. The audience is left uncertain of how the conflict will be resolved, adding to the tension and drama.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in the scene as the fishermen challenge the established system and risk their livelihoods by breaking away from the auction. The outcome of their rebellion will have significant consequences for their futures, adding tension and urgency to the scene.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward significantly by introducing a major conflict and decision that will have lasting repercussions for the characters and the plot. Frank's bold move sets the stage for future developments and challenges, advancing the narrative in a compelling way.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected outbursts and decisions made by the characters, keeping the audience on edge and unsure of the outcome.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between the traditional way of fishing and the modern regulations imposed by the Fisheries Council. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs in the value of hard work and independence.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene has a strong emotional impact, eliciting feelings of anger, frustration, and determination from the characters and the audience. The intense confrontations and bold decisions evoke empathy and investment in the characters' struggles and motivations.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is sharp, impactful, and reveals the characters' emotions and intentions effectively. The confrontational exchanges between the fishermen and the Council members are intense and engaging, driving the scene's tension and conflict.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the intense confrontations, emotional stakes, and unexpected twists in the dialogue. The audience is drawn into the conflicts and motivations of the characters.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension and suspense through the characters' interactions and dialogue. The rhythm of the scene keeps the audience engaged and invested in the outcome.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear dialogue attribution and scene descriptions. The formatting enhances the readability and flow of the scene.

Structure: 9

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm of the scene contribute to its effectiveness in building tension and engaging the audience.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the tension and frustration of the fishermen, particularly through Frank's passionate outburst. However, the dialogue could benefit from more distinct character voices to differentiate the various fishermen. Each character should have a unique way of speaking that reflects their personality and background, which would enhance the authenticity of the scene.
  • Ruby's role as the translator is crucial, yet her internal conflict about translating her father's crude remarks could be explored further. This could add depth to her character and highlight the strain of being the bridge between her family and the hearing world. Consider adding a moment where Ruby hesitates or expresses discomfort before translating Frank's vulgarity.
  • The pacing of the scene feels rushed, especially during Frank's speech. While the urgency of the situation is clear, allowing for pauses or reactions from the audience could heighten the emotional impact. This would give the audience time to absorb the weight of Frank's words and the reactions of the other fishermen.
  • The use of humor, particularly with Frank's crude remark, is a strong choice, but it risks overshadowing the serious nature of the meeting. Balancing the comedic elements with the gravity of the fishermen's plight is essential to maintain the scene's overall tone. Consider toning down the humor slightly to keep the focus on the conflict at hand.
  • The visual elements of the scene could be enhanced by incorporating more physical actions or reactions from the characters. For instance, showing the fishermen's body language—crossed arms, nodding heads, or frustrated gestures—could visually convey their emotions and reactions to the council's decisions.
Suggestions
  • Develop distinct voices for each fisherman to enhance character differentiation and authenticity. This could involve varying their speech patterns, vocabulary, and emotional responses.
  • Explore Ruby's internal conflict more deeply by adding moments of hesitation or discomfort when translating her father's crude remarks. This will add depth to her character and highlight the challenges she faces.
  • Slow down the pacing during key moments, especially during Frank's speech. Allow for pauses and reactions from the audience to emphasize the emotional weight of his words.
  • Balance the humor with the seriousness of the situation by toning down the comedic elements slightly. Focus on the fishermen's struggles to maintain the scene's overall tone.
  • Incorporate more visual elements, such as body language and facial expressions, to convey the emotions of the fishermen and their reactions to the council's decisions.



Scene 30 -  Tensions in the Rossi Living Room
INT. ROSSI HOME - LIVING ROOM - NIGHT

Jackie stares at her family, who look sheepish.

JACKIE
What?!

FRANK
It just came out. I was in the
moment.

JACKIE
How would that even work?


LEO
We get customers to sign up. They
buy fish right off the boat.

JACKIE
Do you know how much work that is?
There are so many steps!

LEO
I’ve looked into it.

JACKIE
There’s no money for it.

FRANK
You do our books. You could work
with the other wives.

JACKIE
Those hearing bitches want nothing
to do with me.

RUBY
(spoken)
Maybe if you didn’t call them
hearing bitches?

JACKIE
(to Frank)
And you! You hate people!

LEO
We could finally be part of the
community.

JACKIE
We have our community.

RUBY
Who? Your deaf friends? You see
them once a month.

LEO
What’s the problem? It’s a great
idea.

Jackie takes them in, seeing her family’s determination.

JACKIE
We can’t talk to these people.

Frank looks to Ruby. Ruby’s heart sinks - what did she just
get herself into? Leo storms out.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary In the Rossi family's living room at night, Jackie confronts her family about a spontaneous business idea of selling fish directly from the boat. While Frank admits it was an impulsive thought, Leo passionately advocates for the idea as a way to connect with the community. Jackie expresses skepticism about its feasibility and her struggles with the local hearing community, leading to a heated exchange. Ruby attempts to mediate but ends up feeling anxious as Leo storms out in frustration, leaving Jackie and Ruby to deal with the aftermath of the confrontation.
Strengths
  • Realistic dialogue
  • Strong character dynamics
  • Tension-building
Weaknesses
  • Limited physical action
  • Heavy reliance on dialogue

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively portrays the conflicting emotions and strong opinions of the characters, creating a tense and engaging atmosphere. The dialogue is sharp and reveals underlying tensions within the family dynamic.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a family disagreement over a new business idea is compelling and relatable. It adds depth to the characters and explores themes of communication, community, and ambition.

Plot: 8.5

The plot revolves around the family's conflicting opinions on starting a new business, driving the tension and conflict in the scene. It advances the overall narrative by highlighting the challenges and dynamics within the family.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh take on the theme of family dynamics and community relationships, exploring the tensions between tradition and innovation in a compelling and relatable way. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and grounded in reality, adding depth to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed and their differing personalities and motivations are effectively portrayed. Each character's unique perspective adds depth to the scene and drives the conflict forward.

Character Changes: 8

The characters undergo subtle changes in their perspectives and relationships during the scene, particularly in terms of understanding each other's motivations and frustrations.

Internal Goal: 8

Jackie's internal goal in this scene is to maintain her sense of identity and belonging within her family and community, while also grappling with the idea of stepping outside her comfort zone and engaging with outsiders.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to navigate the proposal of starting a new business venture with her family, despite her reservations about the practicality and social implications of the idea.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is high, with strong emotions and differing opinions leading to a heated argument among the family members. The tension is palpable and drives the scene forward.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting viewpoints and motivations among the characters creating obstacles and challenges for the protagonist. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of how the conflicts will be resolved.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in the scene as the family members grapple with the decision to pursue a new business venture, potentially impacting their relationships and livelihoods.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by introducing a new business idea and highlighting the tensions within the family. It sets up future conflicts and developments within the narrative.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists and turns in the characters' interactions, particularly with Leo storming out at the end. The audience is left unsure of how the situation will unfold, adding suspense and drama to the scene.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the tension between maintaining tradition and embracing change. Jackie is torn between preserving her existing community and venturing into new territory to expand her family's business.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene evokes strong emotions from the audience, particularly in relation to the family's internal struggles and conflicting viewpoints. The characters' frustrations and determination are palpable.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is sharp, realistic, and reveals the characters' emotions and motivations. It effectively conveys the tension and frustration within the family dynamic.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the intense emotional conflicts and interpersonal dynamics between the characters. The sharp dialogue and realistic interactions draw the audience in, creating a sense of tension and intrigue.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a gradual build-up of tension and conflict leading to a dramatic climax with Leo's exit. The rhythm of the dialogue and character interactions enhances the emotional impact of the scene, keeping the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene adheres to the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings, dialogue formatting, and character actions. The formatting enhances the readability and flow of the scene, allowing the dialogue and interactions to take center stage.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a well-defined structure that effectively builds tension and conflict, leading to a dramatic climax with Leo storming out. The pacing and rhythm of the scene contribute to its effectiveness in conveying the characters' emotions and motivations.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the tension within the Rossi family regarding the spontaneous business idea, showcasing the differing perspectives of each character. Jackie’s skepticism contrasts well with Frank and Leo’s enthusiasm, highlighting the family dynamics and the challenges they face as a deaf family in a hearing world.
  • Jackie's dialogue is strong and conveys her frustration and protective instincts, but it could benefit from more specificity regarding her concerns about the business idea. Adding a line that illustrates her past experiences or fears could deepen her character and make her objections more relatable.
  • Ruby's interjection about Jackie calling the other women 'hearing bitches' is a pivotal moment that reflects her desire for her mother to engage positively with the hearing community. However, this line could be expanded to show Ruby's emotional investment in the situation, perhaps by expressing her own feelings about the community or her mother's attitude.
  • The pacing of the scene feels rushed, particularly towards the end where Leo storms out. This moment could be more impactful if it were given a bit more time to breathe, allowing the audience to feel the weight of his frustration and Ruby's sinking heart. A brief pause or a moment of silence before Leo exits could enhance the emotional stakes.
  • The dialogue is generally sharp and engaging, but some lines could be trimmed for clarity. For instance, Leo's line about the community could be more concise to maintain the scene's momentum. Streamlining dialogue can help keep the audience engaged without losing the essence of the characters' motivations.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a line or two from Jackie that reflects her past experiences with the hearing community, which would provide context for her reluctance and make her character more relatable.
  • Expand Ruby's response to Jackie's comment about the 'hearing bitches' to include her own feelings about the community and her desire for her mother to connect with them positively.
  • Allow for a moment of silence or a pause after Leo storms out to emphasize the emotional weight of the situation and give the audience time to absorb Ruby's feelings of anxiety.
  • Trim some of the dialogue for clarity and conciseness, particularly Leo's lines about the community, to maintain the scene's pacing and keep the audience engaged.
  • Consider incorporating a visual element that reflects the family's dynamics, such as a close-up of Ruby's expression as she realizes the implications of the conversation, to enhance the emotional impact of the scene.



Scene 31 -  Ruby's Morning Hustle
INT. ROSSI HOME - RUBY’S ROOM - EARLY MORNING, STILL DARK

Ruby’s alarm goes off. 3 am. She rolls over, exhausted.
Before she does anything else, she presses play on her
stereo.

“I Fought the Law” by The Clash blasts. She turns the volume
up. LOUD. She pulls a sweater over her pajama top and throws
on a wool hat. Her fishing clothes clearly laid out from the
night before.


INT. ROSSI HOME - PARENTS’ ROOM - CONTINUOUS

Ruby enters her parents’ room. Their bed VIBRATES, a BRIGHT
LIGHT FLASHES - the ALARM. Frank, incredibly, sleeps through
it. She shakes him awake.

The SONG continues over the following MONTAGE --


EXT. ANGELA ROSE DECK - OPEN OCEAN - DAY

Out on the water, Leo hoses the decks, throws the fish into a
slushy brine. Ruby is buried in classical sheet music,
working on her Italian pronounciation.

Leo douses her with the hose, she shrieks.


EXT. SALGADO FISH WHARF - DAY

A folding table is set up with flyers for Fresh Catch. Ruby,
Jackie, Leo and Frank pass out information.

RUBY
Get your fresh catch here! Sign up
now and get fish right off the
boat! Ocean to your mouth!


EXT. GLOUCESTER - VARIOUS LOCATIONS - MONTAGE - DAY

Ruby goes from boat to boat, talking to fishermen. Several
shake their heads no, reluctant to join the Fresh Catch
Program. A few sign up.
Genres: ["Drama","Family","Musical"]

Summary Ruby wakes up early, energized by music, and prepares for a day of promoting the Fresh Catch program. After waking her heavy-sleeping father, she and Leo work on the Angela Rose deck, showcasing their playful dynamic. At Salgado Fish Wharf, Ruby passionately engages with fishermen, facing mixed reactions as she encourages them to join the program. The scene captures her determination amidst the challenges of convincing reluctant fishermen, setting the stage for her ongoing efforts.
Strengths
  • Effective introduction of the Fresh Catch Program
  • Authentic family interactions
  • Clear visuals and pacing
Weaknesses
  • Minimal conflict
  • Low stakes

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 7.5

The scene effectively introduces the audience to the characters' daily routines, the new business venture, and the family dynamics. It sets a positive and determined tone while showcasing the characters' emotional connections.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of introducing the Fresh Catch Program and showcasing the family's daily routines is engaging and sets up potential conflicts and developments for the story.

Plot: 7

The plot in this scene focuses on the introduction of the Fresh Catch Program and the family dynamics, setting up potential conflicts and developments for future scenes.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh approach to the fishing industry narrative by focusing on a female protagonist's journey to succeed in a male-dominated field. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds depth and realism to the story.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-developed in this scene, showcasing their daily routines, relationships, and motivations. The interactions feel authentic and set up potential character arcs.

Character Changes: 6

There are subtle hints at potential character changes, especially regarding the family dynamics and the introduction of the Fresh Catch Program.

Internal Goal: 8

Ruby's internal goal in this scene is to prove herself and succeed in the fishing program. This reflects her desire for independence and recognition in a male-dominated industry.

External Goal: 7.5

Ruby's external goal is to recruit fishermen to join the Fresh Catch Program. This reflects the immediate challenge she faces in building the program's success.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 5

The conflict in this scene is minimal, focusing more on introducing the Fresh Catch Program and showcasing the family dynamics.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with some fishermen reluctant to join Ruby's program. This creates tension and conflict that drives the narrative forward.

High Stakes: 4

The stakes in this scene are relatively low, focusing more on the introduction of the new business venture and the family dynamics.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by introducing the Fresh Catch Program, showcasing the family dynamics, and setting up potential conflicts and developments.

Unpredictability: 7.5

This scene is unpredictable because of the varying reactions of the fishermen to Ruby's program. The audience is kept on their toes as they wonder how Ruby will overcome the opposition she faces.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is the traditional mindset of some fishermen who are reluctant to join the Fresh Catch Program versus Ruby's innovative and progressive approach to fishing. This challenges Ruby's beliefs in the value of her program and the importance of change in the industry.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7.5

The scene has a moderate emotional impact, highlighting the characters' connections, motivations, and the potential for new beginnings.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the characters' personalities, relationships, and the introduction of the Fresh Catch Program. It sets up potential conflicts and developments.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its fast-paced action, dynamic character interactions, and high stakes. The audience is drawn into Ruby's journey and invested in her success.

Pacing: 8.5

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by balancing action, dialogue, and character development. The rhythm keeps the audience engaged and invested in the story.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with proper scene headings, action lines, and dialogue formatting. The visual and auditory elements are well-described.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear transitions between locations and a cohesive narrative flow. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the effectiveness of the scene.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes Ruby's determination and the early morning hustle of her family, but it could benefit from deeper emotional resonance. The transition from Ruby's personal struggle with her identity and aspirations to the family dynamic feels somewhat abrupt. The montage, while visually engaging, lacks a strong emotional anchor that connects Ruby's actions to her internal conflict.
  • The use of music, particularly 'I Fought the Law,' sets an energetic tone, but it might overshadow Ruby's emotional state. Consider incorporating moments where Ruby reflects on her feelings about the Fresh Catch program or her family's expectations, allowing the audience to connect more with her internal struggle.
  • The montage format is effective for showing the passage of time and Ruby's efforts, but it could be enhanced by including brief snippets of dialogue or interactions that highlight the challenges she faces with the fishermen. This would add depth to her character and the stakes involved in her efforts.
  • The scene lacks a clear conflict or tension that propels Ruby's actions. While she is busy promoting the Fresh Catch program, there is little indication of the obstacles she faces or the emotional weight of her responsibilities. Adding a moment of doubt or a setback could heighten the stakes and make her triumphs more impactful.
  • The visual elements are strong, but the scene could benefit from more sensory details that evoke the atmosphere of the fishing community. Describing the sights, sounds, and smells of the wharf and the ocean would immerse the audience further into Ruby's world.
Suggestions
  • Incorporate a brief moment of Ruby's internal monologue or a conversation with Leo that reveals her feelings about the Fresh Catch program and her desire to prove herself, adding emotional depth to her actions.
  • Consider adding a moment of conflict during the montage, such as a fisherman rejecting Ruby's pitch or expressing skepticism about the program, which would create tension and highlight the challenges she faces.
  • Include more interactions with the fishermen that showcase their personalities and attitudes towards Ruby's initiative, allowing the audience to see the community's dynamics and Ruby's place within it.
  • Enhance the sensory details in the scene to create a more vivid atmosphere, such as describing the salty air, the sounds of the ocean, and the bustling activity at the wharf, which would help ground the audience in Ruby's environment.
  • End the scene with a moment of uncertainty or a challenge that Ruby must face, setting up the next scene and creating anticipation for her journey ahead.



Scene 32 -  Struggles in Harmony
INT. BERNARDO’S HOUSE - KITCHEN - DAY

Bernardo and Ruby look over music notation together as he
explains the words.


BERNARDO
Forte. Very loudly, fortissimo.
Softly, piano, very softly,
pianissimo.


EXT. WAREHOUSE - DAY

A retired fisherman hands the Rossis the keys to a boarded up
warehouse. Jackie signs the paperwork.


INT. BERNARDO’S HOUSE - EVENING

Ruby sings “The Marriage of Figaro.” Bernardo shows her how
to breathe. Bernardo smells Ruby. She smells fishy.


INT. WAREHOUSE - DAY

The Rossis clean the inside of an old abandoned warehouse.
It’s dingy, but it’s cheap. Ruby stares down at her sheet
music, humming. Jackie observes her, feeling the distance
between them.


EXT. BERNARDO'S HOUSE - DAY

Ruby walks into her lesson, blowing past Miles on his way
out.

MILES
Hey.

She ignores him. Bernardo appears, looking annoyed.

MILES (CONT'D)
Ruby, come on! I said I’m sorry.

BERNARDO
(to Ruby)
You’re late.


EXT. BERNARDO’S HOUSE - BACK DECK - EVENING

Ruby and Bernardo look at sheet music set up on a music
stand. They clap out the rhythm. She repeats what he does.
MISHA, Bernardo’s six-year-old daughter, plays nearby.


EXT. WAREHOUSE - DAY

Frank spray paints a stencil “FRESH CATCH” on the wall.


Leo and Gertie make out against the building. Ruby enters the
warehouse and sees this. She looks disgusted.


INT. WAREHOUSE - DAY

Some FISHERMEN’S WIVES help Ruby and Jackie fill orders, put
fish on ice, wrap packages. Ruby, harried, juggles phone
calls as she moves boxes; this is way more work than she
expected. A few of the wives crack up about something. Jackie
watches, left out of the joke.
Genres: ["Drama","Musical"]

Summary In this scene, Ruby learns music notation from Bernardo in his kitchen before transitioning to a warehouse where she and Jackie work hard alongside the fishermen's wives. While Ruby practices singing and receives guidance from Bernardo, she grapples with feelings of isolation from Jackie and tension with Miles, who attempts to apologize but is ignored. The day unfolds with contrasting moments of camaraderie among the fishermen's wives and Ruby's overwhelming responsibilities, culminating in her sense of being an outsider as she strives to balance her music aspirations with the demands of the warehouse.
Strengths
  • Effective use of music to enhance emotional depth
  • Strong character development
  • Compelling thematic exploration
Weaknesses
  • Some moments of tonal inconsistency
  • Potential for more nuanced conflict resolution

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively blends musical elements with emotional conflicts, creating a rich tapestry of character dynamics and thematic depth.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of using music as a backdrop to explore personal conflicts and growth is engaging and well-executed.

Plot: 8

The plot progression in the scene focuses on character dynamics and emotional arcs, driving the narrative forward through interpersonal conflicts and resolutions.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces unique elements such as the mix of music and fishing industries, the complex relationships between the characters, and the realistic portrayal of the characters' struggles and conflicts.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters are well-developed, each with their own struggles and motivations that drive the emotional core of the scene.

Character Changes: 8

Several characters experience growth and development throughout the scene, particularly in their relationships and personal aspirations.

Internal Goal: 8

Ruby's internal goal in this scene is to find her place and purpose in the world. She is struggling with her identity and her relationships, as seen through her interactions with Bernardo, Miles, and the other characters.

External Goal: 7.5

Ruby's external goal in this scene is to navigate the challenges of her new job and the dynamics of her relationships with Bernardo, Miles, and the other characters.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict in the scene is primarily internal, focusing on the characters' emotional struggles and relationships.

Opposition: 7.5

The opposition in this scene is strong, with conflicts and challenges that test the characters' relationships, goals, and beliefs, creating tension and suspense for the audience.

High Stakes: 8

While the stakes are primarily emotional and personal, the scene sets up important decisions and conflicts that will impact the characters' futures.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by deepening the characters' arcs and setting up future conflicts and resolutions.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected character actions, conflicts, and plot twists that keep the audience guessing about the outcome.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the themes of identity, belonging, and personal growth. Ruby is torn between her passion for music and her responsibilities in the fishing industry, as well as her relationships with Bernardo, Miles, and the other characters.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes a strong emotional response from the audience, drawing them into the characters' personal journeys and struggles.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue effectively conveys the emotional depth of the characters and enhances the thematic exploration of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the conflicts, tensions, and character dynamics that drive the plot forward and keep the audience invested in the story.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by balancing dialogue, action, and character development to keep the story moving forward at a steady pace.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre, with proper scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene transitions, character interactions, and plot development.


Critique
  • The scene effectively juxtaposes Ruby's musical journey with the family's efforts to establish the Fresh Catch program, highlighting the contrast between her aspirations and the practical challenges they face. However, the transitions between locations feel abrupt and could benefit from smoother segues to maintain narrative flow.
  • The dialogue is minimal, which can be effective for pacing, but it may leave the audience wanting more character interaction. For instance, Ruby's relationship with Miles is hinted at but not explored in depth, which could enhance emotional stakes.
  • The visual elements, such as the dingy warehouse and the smell of fish, create a vivid atmosphere, but the scene could further emphasize Ruby's internal conflict. Her disgust at seeing Leo and Gertie making out could be expanded to reflect her feelings of isolation and frustration with her family dynamics.
  • The use of Bernardo's daughter, Misha, adds a layer of domesticity to the scene, but her presence feels underutilized. It could serve as a contrast to Ruby's struggles, emphasizing the normalcy of childhood versus Ruby's adult responsibilities.
  • The pacing of the scene fluctuates, particularly with the montage of Ruby juggling phone calls and filling orders. While this showcases her hard work, it may overwhelm the audience without a clear emotional anchor. A moment of reflection or a brief pause could help ground the scene.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment of dialogue between Ruby and Miles to clarify their relationship and the tension between them. This could deepen the emotional stakes and provide context for Ruby's feelings.
  • Enhance the transitions between locations by using visual or auditory cues, such as the sound of Ruby's singing fading into the background as the scene shifts to the warehouse, creating a more cohesive narrative.
  • Expand on Ruby's reaction to seeing Leo and Gertie together. This could involve an internal monologue or a physical reaction that conveys her feelings of disgust and isolation more vividly.
  • Utilize Misha's presence more effectively by incorporating a moment where she interacts with Ruby, perhaps asking questions about singing or expressing admiration, which could highlight Ruby's dual role as a caregiver and aspiring musician.
  • Introduce a moment of pause during the montage where Ruby reflects on her workload, perhaps through a brief conversation with Jackie or a moment of frustration that allows the audience to connect with her emotional state.



Scene 33 -  Tension Over Time
INT. BERNARDO’S HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - DAY

Ruby lies on the floor with Bernardo, working on deep
breathing. Bernardo looks over at her. She’s sound asleep.


EXT. BERNARDO’S HOUSE - DAY

Bernardo opens the door to find Ruby talking business on the
phone. Ruby holds up a finger, mouths “one second.” Bernardo
shakes his head.

The SONG ends --

BERNARDO
Get your ass inside.


INT. BERNARDO’S HOUSE - KITCHEN - DAY

Bernardo and Ruby argue.

BERNARDO
That’s the third time you’re late!

RUBY
It’s only twenty minutes.

BERNARDO
I don’t care if it’s one minute! It
shows me that you don’t respect me
or my time.

RUBY
I have a lot going on.

BERNARDO
Me too! I have a whole life that
has nothing to do with you. If you
waste my time, I will not work with
you. Okay?


RUBY
I’m sorry, it won’t happen again.

BERNARDO
It better not.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary In Bernardo's living room, Ruby is found resting before being confronted by Bernardo about her repeated tardiness. Their conversation escalates into a heated argument, with Bernardo expressing frustration over Ruby's lack of respect for his time. Ruby defends her busy schedule, but ultimately apologizes and promises to improve. The scene ends with Bernardo issuing a stern warning, leaving the tension between them unresolved.
Strengths
  • Sharp dialogue
  • Intense conflict
  • Character development
Weaknesses
  • Lack of resolution
  • Limited character interaction

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 7.5

The scene effectively conveys the tension and frustration between Ruby and Bernardo, setting up a significant conflict that will likely impact their future interactions. The dialogue is sharp and impactful, revealing the power dynamics at play.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of accountability and respect in a mentor-student relationship is effectively explored in this scene. The confrontation between Ruby and Bernardo sets the stage for potential character growth and development in future scenes.

Plot: 7.5

The plot of the scene revolves around the conflict between Ruby and Bernardo, adding depth to their relationship and setting up potential obstacles for the characters to overcome. The scene moves the story forward by establishing key dynamics and conflicts.

Originality: 8.5

The scene presents a familiar conflict in a fresh and engaging way, with authentic character actions and dialogue that feel true to life.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters of Ruby and Bernardo are well-developed in this scene, with their motivations and frustrations clearly portrayed. The dialogue and interactions between the characters reveal their personalities and set up potential character arcs.

Character Changes: 7

Both Ruby and Bernardo experience a shift in their dynamic during this scene, with Ruby realizing the importance of respecting Bernardo's time and boundaries, while Bernardo asserts his authority and expectations.

Internal Goal: 8

Ruby's internal goal in this scene is to balance her personal life and professional commitments. It reflects her desire to succeed in her career while maintaining relationships.

External Goal: 7.5

Bernardo's external goal is to establish boundaries and maintain professionalism in his business dealings with Ruby.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict between Ruby and Bernardo is intense and drives the scene forward, adding depth to their relationship and setting up potential obstacles for the characters to overcome.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with clear conflicts and obstacles that challenge the characters' goals and values.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are high in this scene as Ruby and Bernardo navigate their working relationship, with the potential for significant consequences if they fail to address their issues.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by establishing key conflicts and dynamics between the characters, setting up potential obstacles and challenges for them to overcome in future scenes.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is somewhat predictable in its conflict resolution, but the emotional intensity keeps the audience invested.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between personal priorities and professional responsibilities. It challenges the characters' beliefs about respect, time management, and communication.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes a sense of tension and frustration, drawing the audience into the conflict between Ruby and Bernardo. The emotional impact is significant, setting the stage for potential character growth and development.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue in the scene is sharp, impactful, and reveals the underlying tensions between Ruby and Bernardo. The confrontational nature of the dialogue adds depth to their relationship and sets up future conflicts.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the intense conflict and emotional stakes between the characters.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and maintains the audience's interest through the characters' dialogue and actions.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows standard formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a typical structure for a confrontational dialogue scene, with clear character motivations and escalating tension.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the tension between Ruby and Bernardo, showcasing their mentor-student dynamic. However, the argument feels somewhat abrupt and lacks a deeper emotional context. It would benefit from more buildup to the conflict, perhaps by including a brief moment that illustrates Ruby's struggles before the argument begins.
  • The dialogue is sharp and conveys the frustration both characters feel, but it could be enhanced by incorporating subtext. For instance, Ruby's late arrival could be tied to her overwhelming responsibilities, which would add layers to her character and make her apology feel more genuine.
  • The transition from Ruby sleeping on the floor to her being on a business call is jarring. A smoother transition could help maintain the flow of the scene. Perhaps a brief moment where Ruby wakes up and reflects on her busy schedule before the phone call would create a more cohesive narrative.
  • Bernardo's character comes off as harsh, which may alienate the audience from him. Adding a moment of vulnerability or a hint of concern for Ruby's well-being could make him more relatable and complex, rather than just a strict mentor.
  • The setting of Bernardo's house is underutilized. Describing the environment more vividly could enhance the atmosphere and reflect the emotional state of the characters. For example, the clutter of music sheets or the warmth of the kitchen could symbolize the chaos in Ruby's life.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief scene or moment before the argument that highlights Ruby's struggles with her responsibilities, making her tardiness more understandable and relatable.
  • Incorporate subtext into the dialogue to reveal deeper emotions. For example, Ruby could express her feelings about the pressure she faces, which would add depth to her character and the conflict.
  • Smooth out the transition between Ruby sleeping and her phone call by including a moment of reflection or a visual cue that indicates her busy life, such as her phone buzzing with notifications.
  • Humanize Bernardo by including a moment where he shows concern for Ruby's well-being, which could create a more balanced dynamic between the two characters.
  • Enhance the setting description to reflect the emotional tone of the scene. Use visual elements in the kitchen to symbolize the chaos in Ruby's life and the pressure she feels from both her responsibilities and her mentor.



Scene 34 -  Unspoken Struggles
INT. HIGH SCHOOL - LOCKERS - DAY

Ruby opens her locker. Miles catches up with her.

MILES
You gonna avoid me till we
graduate?

Ruby ignores him, putting books in her bag.

MILES (CONT'D)
I wasn’t laughing at them for being
deaf.

RUBY
Okay.

MILES
It was the situation.

Miles waits. She’s not giving him anything.

MILES (CONT'D)
Look, I know it’s not an excuse,
but it sucks in my house right now.
And you’ve got, like, this like
perfect life and...

Ruby whips around.

RUBY
What?

MILES
Your parents are madly in love,
they can’t keep their hands off
each other and your house is...

RUBY
Disgusting. My house is disgusting.

MILES
It’s not! It’s a home. You all work
together and laugh and my family’s
not like that! And then I listen to
you sing and... I just do it ‘cause
it’s expected from me.


Ruby stares at him.

RUBY
You have no idea what it’s like to
hear people laugh at your family --

MILES
You’re right. I don’t.

RUBY
And have to protect them. Because
they can’t hear it, but I can.

MILES
I know. I’m sorry, Ruby. I am. I’m
a dick.

Ruby softens.

MILES (CONT'D)
Can I make it up to you? Please.

Ruby rolls her eyes and walks away.

MILES (CONT'D)
(shouting after her)
I’m gonna text you every few
minutes till you agree to hang out
with me!

RUBY
(without stopping)
That’s psychotic!

MILES
Okay! I will NOT DO THAT!
Genres: ["Drama","Romance"]

Summary In a tense high school hallway, Ruby confronts Miles after he attempts to apologize for laughing at a situation involving deaf individuals. Initially dismissive, Ruby reveals her family's challenges, highlighting the burden of protecting them from ridicule. Miles shares his own struggles at home, seeking forgiveness, but Ruby remains distant and walks away. As she leaves, Miles insists he will keep texting her until she agrees to hang out, while Ruby dismissively calls his behavior psychotic.
Strengths
  • Raw and authentic dialogue
  • Emotional depth of characters
  • Exploration of family dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Possible lack of resolution in the conflict between Ruby and Miles

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively delves into the emotional complexities of the characters, highlighting their internal struggles and the tension between them. The dialogue is raw and authentic, capturing the essence of the characters' emotions.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring the complexities of family relationships and communication barriers is well-executed in this scene. The contrast between Ruby's perceived perfect life and Miles' struggles adds depth to the narrative.

Plot: 8

The plot progression in this scene focuses on the emotional conflict between Ruby and Miles, deepening their character development and setting the stage for future interactions. The tension between them drives the narrative forward.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh perspective on teenage relationships and family dynamics, exploring themes of loyalty, insecurity, and understanding. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and relatable, adding to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters of Ruby and Miles are well-developed in this scene, with their internal struggles and emotional turmoil coming to the forefront. Their interactions reveal layers of complexity and add depth to their personalities.

Character Changes: 8

Both Ruby and Miles undergo emotional changes in this scene, revealing new layers of their characters and deepening their relationship dynamics.

Internal Goal: 8

Ruby's internal goal in this scene is to protect her family and their reputation while also dealing with her own feelings of insecurity and frustration. She wants Miles to understand her perspective and the challenges she faces.

External Goal: 7

Ruby's external goal is to maintain her distance from Miles and not let him get too close emotionally. She wants to protect herself from potential hurt or disappointment.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict between Ruby and Miles is palpable in this scene, driving the emotional tension and highlighting the underlying issues between them.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting values and emotions driving the interactions between Ruby and Miles. The unresolved tension and emotional revelations create obstacles for the characters to overcome.

High Stakes: 7

While the stakes are not life-threatening, the emotional stakes are high in this scene, as the characters confront their inner turmoil and navigate their complex relationship dynamics.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by developing the relationship between Ruby and Miles, setting the stage for future interactions and conflicts.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the shifting dynamics between Ruby and Miles, the unexpected emotional revelations, and the unresolved conflicts that leave the audience unsure of the characters' next moves.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the different family dynamics and values that Ruby and Miles come from. Ruby values loyalty and protection, while Miles struggles with his own family issues and insecurities.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking feelings of anger, sadness, and regret in the characters and the audience. The raw emotions displayed by Ruby and Miles resonate strongly.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue in this scene is impactful, conveying the characters' emotions and inner conflicts effectively. The raw and authentic exchanges between Ruby and Miles add depth to their relationship.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the intense emotional exchanges between the characters, the relatable themes of family and relationships, and the unresolved tension that keeps the audience invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and emotional intensity, with well-timed pauses and dialogue exchanges that keep the audience engaged and invested in the characters' emotional journey.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with proper scene headings, dialogue formatting, and action descriptions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a high school drama, with clear character motivations and conflicts driving the narrative forward.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the tension between Ruby and Miles, showcasing their differing perspectives on family dynamics. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtext to deepen the emotional impact. For instance, instead of Ruby simply stating her house is 'disgusting,' she could express a specific memory or feeling that illustrates her discomfort, making her character more relatable.
  • Miles' character comes across as somewhat one-dimensional in this scene. While he expresses his struggles, the dialogue lacks depth in conveying his internal conflict. Adding a line that reveals a specific incident or feeling from his home life could create a stronger connection with the audience and provide a clearer contrast to Ruby's experiences.
  • The pacing of the scene feels slightly rushed, particularly in the exchanges between Ruby and Miles. Allowing for pauses or reactions could enhance the emotional weight of their conversation. For example, after Ruby's outburst about protecting her family, a moment of silence could emphasize the gravity of her words and give Miles a chance to process before responding.
  • The ending feels abrupt, with Ruby walking away without a clear resolution. While this can reflect the unresolved tension in their relationship, it might be more impactful if Ruby's exit is accompanied by a physical action or gesture that symbolizes her emotional state, such as a lingering glance or a frustrated sigh, to leave the audience with a stronger impression of her feelings.
Suggestions
  • Incorporate more subtext in the dialogue to reveal deeper emotions and motivations. For example, have Ruby reference a specific incident that illustrates her protective instincts towards her family.
  • Develop Miles' character further by adding a line that reveals a specific struggle or moment from his home life, allowing the audience to empathize with him more fully.
  • Consider slowing down the pacing of the dialogue to allow for pauses and reactions, enhancing the emotional weight of the conversation. This could involve Ruby taking a moment to reflect before responding to Miles.
  • Add a physical action or gesture from Ruby as she walks away to symbolize her emotional state, such as a frustrated sigh or a lingering glance back at Miles, to create a more impactful ending to the scene.



Scene 35 -  Tangled Priorities
INT. WAREHOUSE - LOADING DOCK - DAY

Ruby, Jackie and a few fishermen’s wives, NINA, BARB and
ANGELA, sort through orders, packaging fish. Ruby is managing
it all. Angela reads an order.

ANGELA
These foodie people eat anything
now...

NINA
Heads, tails, all sorts of garbage.
Next thing you know, fish dick’s
gonna be a new delicacy.


BARB
Fish don’t have dicks.

The women crack up. Jackie watches with a polite smile. An
alarm goes off on Ruby’s phone. She heads out.

NINA
This is your last free batch, kid.

RUBY
Yeah, yeah I got you.


INT. WAREHOUSE - HALLWAY - CONTINUOUS

Leo wheels a stack of crates on a hand-truck toward the
loading dock. Ruby walks alongside him. Jackie appears behind
them, chasing them down.

LEO
I can’t fit all these in the car.

RUBY
(signed and spoken)
We need a truck.

Jackie catches up to them, stopping Ruby at the door.

JACKIE
Where are you going?

RUBY
I have my music practice.

JACKIE
You can’t go...

Jackie gestures to the parking lot, where a NEWS CREW is
unloading their van. Ruby freezes. She turns to her mother.

RUBY
What’s this?

JACKIE
The news! They’re doing a story on
the family!

RUBY
Now? I can’t.

JACKIE
How are we gonna do the interview?


LEO
(stepping in)
I can lip-read.

JACKIE
You’re not going to get all of it!
(to Ruby)
This is important.

RUBY
(signed and spoken)
My stuff is important too! I can’t.

JACKIE
You want us to fail?!

Ruby stares at her mom, furious that she’s in this position.
A reporter, CHET TURNER, appears in the loading dock,
extending his hand.

CHET
Hi, you must be Jackie Rossi?
Genres: ["Drama","Family","Slice of Life"]

Summary In a bustling warehouse loading dock, Ruby and a group of fishermen's wives engage in humorous banter while sorting fish orders. Ruby's excitement for music practice is interrupted when Jackie reveals a news crew is covering their family story, leading to tension between mother and daughter. Despite Leo's offer to help Ruby during the interview, Jackie insists on the importance of the coverage, leaving Ruby frustrated as the reporter, Chet Turner, arrives to begin the segment.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Tension-filled conflict
  • Character dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Potential lack of resolution in the immediate scene

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys the emotional conflict and determination of the characters, setting up a pivotal moment in Ruby's journey towards self-discovery and independence.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of balancing personal aspirations with family expectations is a compelling and relatable theme that drives the emotional core of the scene.

Plot: 8.5

The plot progression in the scene is significant, as it sets up a crucial conflict between Ruby's desire for independence and her family's need for unity. The introduction of the news crew adds a layer of external pressure that raises the stakes.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh perspective on family dynamics and work-life balance, with a humorous take on the foodie trend and the challenges faced by the protagonist.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-developed, with distinct personalities and motivations that drive the conflict in the scene. Ruby's defiance and Jackie's concern for the family's image create a compelling dynamic.

Character Changes: 8

Ruby undergoes a significant internal change as she asserts her independence and challenges her family's expectations, setting the stage for her character development.

Internal Goal: 8

Ruby's internal goal is to balance her responsibilities at work with her personal passion for music practice. This reflects her desire to pursue her own interests while also meeting the expectations of her family.

External Goal: 7

Ruby's external goal is to navigate the unexpected news crew interview and find a way to fulfill her work duties while also attending her music practice.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is palpable, with Ruby's internal struggle mirroring the external pressures she faces from her family and the news crew. The clash of priorities and desires creates a tense and engaging atmosphere.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Ruby facing conflicting demands from her family and her own desires, creating a sense of uncertainty and challenge.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in the scene, as Ruby's decision to prioritize her music practice over the news interview puts her at odds with her family and risks damaging their reputation.

Story Forward: 9

The scene propels the story forward by introducing a crucial conflict that will impact Ruby's journey and the dynamics within the Rossi family, setting up future developments.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected news crew appearance and the protagonist's conflicting priorities.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between Ruby's desire for personal fulfillment and her family's expectations of her. It challenges her values of independence and loyalty to her family.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene elicits a strong emotional response from the audience, as the characters' conflicting emotions and desires are portrayed with authenticity and depth.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue effectively conveys the emotional tension and conflicting priorities of the characters, adding depth to the scene and driving the conflict forward.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the relatable characters, humorous dialogue, and the tension between personal desires and family expectations.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, leading to a climactic moment where Ruby must make a difficult decision.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with well-defined character interactions and progression of events, maintaining the expected format for its genre.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the tension between Ruby's personal aspirations and her family's expectations, particularly through the conflict with Jackie. This dynamic is relatable and adds depth to Ruby's character, showcasing her struggle for independence.
  • The humor introduced by the fishermen's wives is a nice touch, providing levity to the scene and contrasting with the underlying tension. However, the jokes could be more tightly integrated with the overall narrative to enhance their impact.
  • The dialogue is generally strong, but some lines feel a bit on-the-nose, particularly when Ruby states, 'My stuff is important too!' This could be rephrased to sound more natural and less like a direct statement of her feelings, allowing the audience to infer her frustration.
  • The introduction of the news crew adds a layer of external pressure on Ruby, but the transition from the light-hearted banter to this serious moment could be smoother. The shift feels abrupt, and a more gradual build-up to the news crew's arrival would enhance the scene's flow.
  • Jackie's insistence on the importance of the news story is clear, but her motivations could be further explored. Adding a line or two that reveals her fears about the family's business or her desire for recognition could deepen her character and make her conflict with Ruby more compelling.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment where Ruby reflects on her feelings about the news crew before they arrive, perhaps through a brief internal monologue or a conversation with Leo. This would help set the stage for her frustration.
  • Enhance the humor by incorporating more specific and relatable jokes about the fishing industry or the absurdity of food trends, which could resonate more with the audience and feel less generic.
  • Rework Ruby's line about her importance to make it feel more organic. For example, she could express her frustration through a metaphor or a more nuanced statement that reflects her emotional state.
  • Introduce the news crew earlier in the scene to create a sense of anticipation. Perhaps Ruby could overhear Jackie discussing the interview with someone before the crew arrives, building tension.
  • Explore Jackie's character further by including a line that hints at her own insecurities or aspirations, which would provide context for her insistence on the interview and make her conflict with Ruby more relatable.



Scene 36 -  Tension in Translation
INT. WAREHOUSE - DAY

Frank and Jackie sit for the interview with the film crew.
Ruby interprets, but her focus is split. Agitated, she keeps
glancing down at her phone. Leo watches, increasingly
annoyed.

FRANK (VIA RUBY)
Hopefully, people will support us
and will buy their fish here.

CHET
That’s great! So, how does this
program work?

FRANK
Basically, the fishermen are at the
mercy of the big guys.

Ruby glances down at her phone as a text comes in.

BERNARDO: We have a lot to work on.

She TEXTS BERNARDO: Sorry. Family thing. Running late.

Leo kicks Ruby’s chair to get her attention. She looks up,
briefly.


FRANK (CONT'D)
The goal is to sell fish directly
to the people.

Ruby’s eyes drift back to her phone as more texts come in.

BERNARDO: I told you, no more of this.

BERNARDO: I mean it Ruby.

Frank waits for Ruby to translate, but she’s distracted,
looking at her phone.

Ruby glances up to see everyone waiting.


EXT. BERNARDO’S HOUSE - DUSK

Ruby races up to Bernardo’s house. Leaping off her bike, she
knocks on his door. Bernardo doesn’t answer. She bangs
harder. Locked out.

RUBY
Mr. V! Mr. V!

She sits on the stoop, defeated.
Genres: ["Drama","Family","Music"]

Summary In a warehouse, Ruby struggles to focus during an interview with Frank and Jackie, distracted by tense texts from Bernardo. Leo, part of the film crew, grows frustrated with her lack of attention as Frank discusses the fishermen's challenges. Ruby's distraction culminates in a failure to translate for Frank, leading to a shift in the scene where she finds herself locked out of Bernardo's house at dusk, feeling defeated and frustrated.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Tension-filled interactions
  • Character dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Distractions from personal devices
  • Lack of focus during the interview

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys the tension and frustration within the family dynamic while also showcasing the distractions and personal struggles each character faces. The emotional depth and conflict add layers to the narrative, making it engaging and impactful.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of showcasing a family interview for a business venture while exploring the personal distractions and conflicts each character faces is compelling. It adds depth to the narrative and allows for character development and emotional resonance.

Plot: 8.5

The plot of the scene revolves around the family's attempt to promote their fish program while dealing with internal conflicts and distractions. It moves the story forward by highlighting the challenges they face and sets up future developments.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh take on the theme of balancing personal and professional responsibilities, with a focus on the fishing industry and the challenges faced by local fishermen. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and relatable.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters are well-developed, each dealing with their own frustrations and struggles. The interactions between family members reveal their dynamics and add complexity to their relationships.

Character Changes: 8

The characters undergo subtle changes in the scene, revealing their frustrations, motivations, and dynamics within the family. The conflicts and interactions contribute to their development and set the stage for future growth.

Internal Goal: 7

Ruby's internal goal in this scene is to balance her personal issues with her professional responsibilities. She is torn between her family obligations and her job as an interpreter.

External Goal: 6

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to translate the interview accurately and efficiently, despite being distracted by personal messages on her phone.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8.5

The conflict in the scene is palpable, with tensions running high as the family navigates their business interview while dealing with internal struggles and distractions. The emotional stakes are raised, adding intensity to the interactions.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with characters facing internal and external conflicts that are difficult to overcome.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in the scene as the family attempts to promote their fish program while dealing with internal conflicts and distractions. The outcome of the interview could impact their business and relationships, adding tension and importance to the moment.

Story Forward: 9

The scene effectively moves the story forward by introducing new challenges, conflicts, and developments within the family dynamic. It sets up future plot points and character arcs, driving the narrative towards resolution.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected actions and reactions of the characters, keeping the audience on their toes.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between personal loyalty and professional duty. Ruby's loyalty to her family is in conflict with her responsibility to her job.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from frustration and disappointment to tension and defeat. The characters' struggles and conflicts resonate with the audience, creating an emotional impact that drives the narrative forward.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue effectively conveys the tension and emotions present in the scene, showcasing the conflicts and frustrations the characters experience. It adds depth to their interactions and drives the narrative forward.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the tension and conflict between the characters, as well as the relatable theme of balancing personal and professional responsibilities.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and maintaining the audience's interest, with a balance of dialogue and action.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a dialogue-heavy scene in a screenplay, with clear scene headings and character names.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a dialogue-heavy scene in a screenplay, with clear character interactions and a progression of conflict.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures Ruby's internal conflict between her family obligations and her passion for music, which is a central theme of the screenplay. However, the tension could be heightened by showing more of Ruby's emotional struggle rather than just her distraction. This would help the audience empathize with her situation more deeply.
  • The dialogue is functional but lacks emotional depth. Frank's lines are straightforward and informative, but they don't convey the urgency or desperation of their situation. Adding more emotional weight to Frank's dialogue could enhance the stakes of the interview.
  • The use of text messages to convey Ruby's thoughts is a modern touch, but it feels somewhat detached from the scene's emotional core. Instead of relying on texts, consider incorporating Ruby's internal monologue or visual cues that show her frustration and anxiety about the situation.
  • Leo's annoyance with Ruby is mentioned but not fully explored. This could be an opportunity to deepen their sibling dynamic. A brief exchange or a moment of confrontation could illustrate their relationship and add another layer to the scene.
  • The transition from the interview to Ruby's arrival at Bernardo's house feels abrupt. A more gradual shift or a visual cue that connects the two locations could enhance the flow of the narrative.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment where Ruby's internal conflict is visually represented, such as her fidgeting or biting her nails, to show her anxiety about the interview and her music practice.
  • Enhance Frank's dialogue to reflect the emotional stakes of their situation. For example, he could express his fears about losing the family business or the pressure they feel from the community.
  • Instead of using text messages, try incorporating Ruby's thoughts through voiceover or internal dialogue to create a stronger connection with her character's emotional state.
  • Include a brief exchange between Ruby and Leo that highlights their sibling relationship, perhaps where Leo expresses his frustration more directly, adding tension to the scene.
  • Smooth the transition between the warehouse and Bernardo's house by including a visual element, such as Ruby looking back at the warehouse as she leaves, to signify her conflicted feelings about leaving her family responsibilities.



Scene 37 -  Confrontation in the Choir Room
INT. HIGH SCHOOL - CHOIR ROOM - DAY

Bernardo sits at the piano playing a beautiful piece to an
empty room. Ruby appears in the doorway, listening. Bernardo
notices her. He stops.

RUBY
Is that yours?

Bernardo raises his eyebrows, waits. Ruby works up her nerve.

RUBY (CONT'D)
I’m sorry. I want to do this.

BERNARDO
I don’t think so.

RUBY
Are you serious?

Bernardo stands, crosses to his desk.

BERNARDO
You have no discipline. You’re
late, you’re unprepared.
(MORE)

BERNARDO (CONT'D)
You wouldn’t last two days at
Berklee. Out! Go!

Ruby is shocked at his intensity. Bernardo turns away from
her. Ruby starts to leave, then angrily hits back at him.

RUBY
It’s not like that school did you
any good.

Bernardo turns and stares at her.

BERNARDO
You have what, seventeen years on
this planet? You don’t know shit.

Ruby takes this in, stunned.

BERNARDO (CONT'D)
You want to know why I’m a teacher?
I’m good at this. But I can’t do my
job unless you do yours. And I
certainly don’t need a lesson in
failure from someone who’s too
afraid to even try.

Ruby stares at him, silent, trying to form a response.

RUBY
I’ve never done anything without my
family before.

Bernardo takes this in, sensing she’s genuine.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary In a tense encounter in the high school choir room, Ruby approaches Bernardo as he plays the piano, expressing her desire to pursue music. However, Bernardo harshly criticizes her lack of discipline and preparedness, insisting she wouldn't succeed at Berklee. Ruby retaliates by questioning his expertise and revealing her struggles with independence, admitting she has never pursued anything without her family. This confrontation leaves both characters reflecting on their positions, with Ruby feeling vulnerable and Bernardo showing a hint of understanding.
Strengths
  • Intense dialogue
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
Weaknesses
  • Potential lack of resolution in the confrontation

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene is well-crafted with intense emotions, strong dialogue, and significant character development. The confrontation adds depth to the characters and progresses the plot effectively.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the scene revolves around the clash between Ruby's lack of discipline and Bernardo's expectations, highlighting the need for personal growth.

Plot: 8.5

The plot advances significantly as Ruby faces a pivotal moment in her journey towards self-improvement, setting the stage for future developments.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a familiar theme of personal growth and overcoming obstacles, but adds a fresh perspective through the characters' emotional depth and raw dialogue. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue enhances the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters of Ruby and Bernardo are well-developed in this scene, showcasing their conflicting personalities and motivations.

Character Changes: 8

Both Ruby and Bernardo undergo significant emotional changes in the scene, setting the stage for further character development.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to prove herself and overcome her fear of failure. This reflects her deeper need for independence and self-confidence.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to convince the teacher to give her a chance to pursue her passion for music. This reflects the immediate challenge of proving her dedication and talent.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between Ruby and Bernardo is intense and pivotal, driving the emotional intensity of the scene and highlighting the characters' struggles.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the teacher challenging the protagonist's beliefs and pushing her to confront her fears. The audience is left uncertain of the outcome, adding to the tension.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high as Ruby confronts her lack of discipline and faces the consequences of her actions, setting the stage for personal growth.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by highlighting Ruby's internal struggles and the challenges she faces in her journey towards self-improvement.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected emotional outbursts and shifting power dynamics between the characters. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of how the confrontation will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between the protagonist's fear of failure and the teacher's belief in discipline and hard work. This challenges the protagonist's values and worldview, pushing her to confront her insecurities.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions from the audience, particularly in the confrontation between Ruby and Bernardo, adding depth to the characters.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is intense, confrontational, and emotionally charged, adding depth to the characters and driving the scene forward.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the intense emotional conflict between the characters and the high stakes involved. The audience is drawn into the characters' struggles and motivations.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a gradual build-up of tension and emotional intensity. The rhythm of the dialogue and character interactions contribute to the scene's effectiveness.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of the scene is clear and concise, following the expected format for a screenplay. The dialogue is well-structured and easy to follow.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for a dramatic confrontation, with a clear build-up of tension and emotional resolution. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the effectiveness of the scene.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the tension between Ruby and Bernardo, showcasing their conflicting perspectives on discipline and commitment. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtext to deepen the emotional stakes. For instance, instead of Bernardo's outright dismissal, he could express disappointment in a way that reveals his investment in Ruby's potential.
  • Ruby's response to Bernardo's harsh criticism feels somewhat abrupt. While her anger is justified, it might be more impactful if she initially reacts with vulnerability before lashing out. This would create a more nuanced emotional arc, allowing the audience to empathize with her struggle.
  • The pacing of the scene is brisk, which works well for the confrontation, but it may leave the audience wanting more depth in the characters' emotional exchanges. Consider allowing moments of silence or hesitation to emphasize the weight of their words and the gravity of the situation.
  • Bernardo's character comes off as overly harsh without sufficient context for his motivations. Adding a line or two that hints at his own struggles or past failures could make him more relatable and provide a clearer rationale for his tough love approach.
  • The visual elements are minimal in this scene. Incorporating more physical actions or reactions could enhance the emotional impact. For example, Ruby could fidget or show signs of nervousness before speaking, which would visually communicate her internal conflict.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment where Ruby hesitates before responding to Bernardo, allowing the audience to feel her internal struggle and fear of failure.
  • Introduce a line from Bernardo that hints at his own past challenges or failures in music, which would add depth to his character and make his harshness more understandable.
  • Incorporate pauses in the dialogue to allow the weight of their words to resonate, giving the audience time to absorb the emotional stakes.
  • Explore Ruby's body language more; show her fidgeting or avoiding eye contact to convey her discomfort and vulnerability in the face of criticism.
  • End the scene with a more ambiguous note, perhaps with Ruby leaving the room but pausing at the door, indicating her conflict between wanting to prove herself and her fear of failure.



Scene 38 -  Breaking Free
INT. ROSSI HOME - LIVING ROOM - NIGHT

Ruby stands in front of Jackie, Frank and Leo. A hockey game
is on, but she has their attention.

RUBY
I want to go to college. At
Berklee. Music school. My teacher’s
been helping me with my audition.

They stare at her, stunned.

FRANK
College? In Boston? That city is
full of assholes.

RUBY
(signed and spoken)
So is everywhere.


JACKIE
You can’t go now. We just started
the business. With you!

RUBY
That’s all you care about? Losing
your free interpreter?

Frank shakes this off, it’s not about that.

FRANK
You’re an important part of this.

JACKIE
It’s terrible timing.

RUBY
(signed and spoken)
There will never be a good time. I
can’t stay with you for the rest of
my life!

FRANK
Nobody expects that from you.

RUBY
I have been interpreting my whole
life. This is exhausting. Singing
is what I love. It’s everything.

Ruby, frustrated, storms upstairs. Jackie turns to Leo.

JACKIE
Did you know about this?

Leo shakes his head.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary In the Rossi living room at night, Ruby reveals her ambition to attend Berklee College of Music, causing shock and concern among her family. Frank fears losing her support as their interpreter, while Jackie believes it's poor timing. Ruby, feeling exhausted from her responsibilities, argues for her independence and storms upstairs, leaving her family to grapple with her decision.
Strengths
  • Intense emotional conflict
  • Realistic dialogue
  • Strong character dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Lack of resolution in the scene
  • Limited external action

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys the emotional turmoil and conflict within the family, highlighting Ruby's struggle to assert her independence and follow her passion despite her family's objections. The dialogue is intense and realistic, capturing the frustration and determination of the characters.


Story Content

Concept: 8.5

The concept of the scene revolves around the clash between familial expectations and individual aspirations, particularly in the context of pursuing a creative passion. It delves into themes of independence, sacrifice, and following one's dreams.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene centers on Ruby's decision to pursue music at Berklee and the ensuing conflict with her family. It advances the overarching narrative by highlighting Ruby's internal struggle and the external challenges she faces in asserting her independence.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh perspective on the theme of pursuing one's passion against familial expectations. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed, with Ruby's determination and frustration coming through strongly. Jackie, Frank, and Leo are portrayed realistically, each with their own motivations and conflicts that contribute to the tension of the scene.

Character Changes: 8

Ruby undergoes a significant change in the scene, asserting her desire to pursue music at Berklee and standing up to her family's resistance. This moment marks a turning point in her character arc, showcasing her growing independence and determination.

Internal Goal: 8

Ruby's internal goal in this scene is to pursue her passion for music and break free from the role of being an interpreter. This reflects her deeper desire for personal fulfillment and autonomy.

External Goal: 7.5

Ruby's external goal is to convince her family to support her decision to go to Berklee music school. This reflects the immediate challenge she faces in pursuing her dream while balancing family expectations.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is intense and multi-layered, involving both internal and external struggles for the characters. Ruby's desire to pursue music clashes with her family's expectations, leading to a high-stakes confrontation.

Opposition: 7.5

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Ruby facing resistance from her family in pursuing her dreams, creating uncertainty for the audience.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in the scene, as Ruby's dream of attending Berklee and pursuing music is at odds with her family's expectations. The outcome of this confrontation will have significant implications for Ruby's future.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by highlighting Ruby's decision to pursue music at Berklee and the resulting conflict with her family. It sets the stage for future developments in Ruby's journey towards following her passion.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected decision by Ruby to pursue music school, challenging the audience's expectations.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between familial obligations and personal aspirations. Ruby's desire to pursue music clashes with her family's expectations for her to continue interpreting for the family business.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, eliciting feelings of frustration, disappointment, and determination from the audience. The raw emotions displayed by the characters resonate strongly, drawing viewers into the conflict.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is sharp and impactful, effectively conveying the emotional turmoil and conflicting perspectives of the characters. It drives the scene forward and adds depth to the relationships between the family members.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the emotional conflict and relatable themes of pursuing one's dreams and family dynamics.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and emotional stakes, keeping the audience engaged in the characters' conflicts.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting adheres to the standard screenplay format, making it easy to follow the dialogue and action.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a family drama genre, with clear character motivations and conflicts driving the narrative.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures Ruby's internal conflict and desire for independence, which is a central theme of the screenplay. Her passionate declaration about wanting to attend Berklee College of Music is a strong moment that highlights her aspirations and the tension between her dreams and family obligations.
  • The dialogue is sharp and conveys the characters' emotions well. Ruby's frustration is palpable, especially in her exchanges with Jackie and Frank. However, the scene could benefit from more subtext in the dialogue. For instance, while Ruby's statements are direct, adding layers of emotional nuance could enhance the tension. For example, instead of just stating that she can't stay with them forever, she could reflect on specific moments that have made her feel trapped.
  • The reactions of Frank and Jackie are somewhat predictable. While they express concern about Ruby's timing, it would be more impactful if they shared personal anecdotes or fears that reveal their deeper motivations. This would create a more complex dynamic and allow the audience to empathize with both sides.
  • The pacing of the scene feels rushed, particularly in Ruby's emotional outburst. While her frustration is justified, allowing for a moment of silence or a pause after her declaration could heighten the emotional stakes and give the audience time to absorb the weight of her words.
  • The visual elements could be enhanced to reflect the emotional turmoil in the scene. For instance, incorporating Ruby's physicality—such as her body language or facial expressions—could provide a visual representation of her internal struggle. Additionally, the setting of the living room could be described in a way that reflects the family's tension, perhaps by showing clutter or distractions that symbolize their chaotic lives.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more subtext to the dialogue to deepen the emotional impact. Allow characters to express their fears and motivations indirectly, which can create a richer conversation.
  • Introduce a moment of silence or a pause after Ruby's declaration to allow the weight of her words to resonate with the audience and the other characters.
  • Incorporate more physicality and visual cues to reflect Ruby's emotional state. Describe her body language and expressions to enhance the audience's connection to her struggle.
  • Explore the backstory of Frank and Jackie more deeply in their responses. Adding personal anecdotes or fears could create a more complex dynamic and allow the audience to empathize with their perspective.
  • Consider revising the pacing to allow for a more gradual build-up to Ruby's emotional outburst, which can make her frustration feel more earned and impactful.



Scene 39 -  Tensions at Home
INT. ROSSI HOME - PARENTS’ ROOM - NIGHT

Frank lies in bed as Jackie paces the room. They argue.

JACKIE
We can’t let her go.

FRANK
It’s college.

JACKIE
It’s not! It’s music school. And
what if she can’t sing? Maybe she’s
awful.


FRANK
She’s not awful.

JACKIE
Really? Have you heard her?

Frank rolls his eyes, puts his book away.

JACKIE (CONT'D)
I’m worried. What if she fails?

FRANK
I’m tired. I don’t wanna talk
anymore.

Frank rolls over, turning away. Jackie smacks him to get his
attention. He looks at her.

JACKIE
What do we do if she gets in? Then
she’s gone. Our baby is gone!

FRANK
She’s not a baby.

JACKIE
She’s my baby.

FRANK
She was never a baby!


INT. ROSSI HOME - RUBY’S ROOM - NIGHT

Ruby crawls into bed and sets her alarm for 3am. She stares
at it. She lets out a scream of frustration.

RUBY
AAAUURRRRGHHHHHHH!

Her phone pings. A text from Miles.

MILES: What do I have to do to make it up to you? ANYTHING!

Ruby stares for a moment. A small smile flickers across her
face. She types back.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary In the Rossi home, Jackie and Frank clash over their daughter Ruby's potential acceptance into music school. Jackie is anxious about Ruby's future and fears her failure, while Frank dismisses her concerns, insisting Ruby is capable and not a child anymore. Meanwhile, Ruby, feeling frustrated, screams in her room but is momentarily uplifted by a text from Miles, which brings a smile to her face. The scene captures the unresolved conflict between the parents and Ruby's emotional turmoil.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Tension-filled dialogue
  • Character dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Lack of resolution
  • Limited character development within the scene

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively portrays the deep-seated concerns and conflicting emotions within the family, creating a tense and emotionally charged atmosphere. The dialogue and interactions between Frank and Jackie reveal the underlying anxieties and fears they have about Ruby's future, adding depth to the narrative.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring the family's conflicting emotions and fears regarding Ruby's future aspirations is compelling and adds depth to the overall narrative. The scene effectively conveys the internal struggles and anxieties of the characters, resonating with the audience.

Plot: 8

The plot progression in the scene revolves around the central conflict of Ruby's desire to attend music school and her parents' concerns about her future. The scene advances the storyline by highlighting the family dynamics and setting the stage for further developments in Ruby's journey.

Originality: 7

The scene introduces a familiar theme of parental concern for a child's future but adds a fresh perspective by exploring the protagonist's passion for music and her relationships.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters of Frank and Jackie are well-developed in this scene, showcasing their individual fears, worries, and conflicting emotions regarding Ruby's aspirations. The nuanced portrayal of their relationship and the depth of their concerns add layers to the narrative.

Character Changes: 7

While there are no significant character changes within the scene, it sets the stage for potential growth and development, particularly for Ruby as she navigates her aspirations and her family's concerns.

Internal Goal: 8

Ruby's internal goal in this scene is to prove herself and pursue her passion for music despite her parents' doubts. This reflects her deeper need for validation and independence.

External Goal: 7

Ruby's external goal is to respond to Miles' text and potentially reconcile with him. This reflects the immediate challenge of navigating her relationships while pursuing her dreams.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is palpable, with tensions running high between Frank and Jackie as they grapple with their fears and concerns about Ruby's future. The emotional intensity and the clash of perspectives contribute to the scene's high conflict level.

Opposition: 7

The opposition between the parents and Ruby creates conflict and uncertainty, driving the scene forward.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in the scene as Ruby's future aspirations and her family's concerns come to a head. The outcome of this conflict could have significant implications for Ruby's journey and the dynamics within the family.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by deepening the conflict within the family, setting up future developments regarding Ruby's decision to pursue music school. It adds layers to the narrative and sets the stage for further exploration of familial relationships and personal aspirations.

Unpredictability: 6

This scene is somewhat predictable in terms of character interactions and resolutions, but the emotional depth keeps the audience invested.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between parental protection and a child's desire for autonomy and self-expression. This challenges Ruby's beliefs about her own abilities and her parents' expectations.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a strong emotional response from the audience, tapping into themes of family dynamics, parental worries, and the pursuit of personal dreams. The raw emotions, the underlying anxieties, and the familial tensions create a poignant and impactful moment.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the tension, frustration, and emotional turmoil present within the family. The exchanges between Frank and Jackie reveal their innermost fears and concerns, adding depth to their characters and the overall narrative.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the emotional intensity between the characters and the relatable themes of family dynamics and personal ambition.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and emotional stakes, keeping the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting adheres to standard screenplay conventions, making it easy to follow and visualize the action.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a traditional structure for a domestic drama, with clear character motivations and conflict resolution.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the tension between Frank and Jackie regarding Ruby's future, showcasing their differing perspectives on her pursuing music. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtext to deepen the emotional stakes. For instance, instead of Jackie simply stating her fears, she could reference personal experiences or insecurities that make her more relatable and her concerns more poignant.
  • Jackie's pacing and Frank's physicality (rolling over) are good visual cues for their emotional states, but the scene could be enhanced by incorporating more physical actions or reactions that reflect their feelings. For example, Jackie could be fidgeting with something or looking out the window, which would visually represent her anxiety about Ruby leaving.
  • The transition to Ruby's room is abrupt. A smoother transition could be achieved by including a moment where Jackie and Frank's argument escalates, leading to Ruby's reaction. This would create a stronger emotional connection between the two scenes, emphasizing how the argument impacts Ruby.
  • Ruby's scream of frustration is a powerful moment, but it could be more impactful if it were preceded by a brief moment of silence or a visual cue that shows her internal struggle. This would heighten the emotional release of her scream and make it resonate more with the audience.
  • The text exchange with Miles adds a nice touch of levity and connection for Ruby, but it feels slightly disconnected from the intensity of the previous argument. Consider integrating the text message into the scene more fluidly, perhaps by having Ruby glance at her phone during the argument, hinting at her desire for support and connection amidst the chaos.
Suggestions
  • Add more subtext to Jackie's dialogue to reveal her deeper fears and insecurities about Ruby leaving for music school.
  • Incorporate more physical actions or reactions from both Frank and Jackie to visually represent their emotional states during the argument.
  • Create a smoother transition between the argument and Ruby's reaction by escalating the tension before cutting to her room.
  • Enhance the impact of Ruby's scream by including a moment of silence or a visual cue that shows her internal struggle leading up to it.
  • Integrate Ruby's text exchange with Miles more fluidly into the scene to maintain emotional continuity and highlight her need for connection.



Scene 40 -  Turbulent Waters
EXT. ANGELA ROSE DECK - SALGADO FISH WHARF - EARLY MORNING

Frank and Leo prep the boat for departure.

LEO
Where’s Ruby?


FRANK
(shrugs)
She’s pissed.

LEO
Yeah, but today?

He gestures down the dock. A middle-aged woman, JOANNE BILES,
dressed in a paddler’s hat and brand new fleece, is stepping
gingerly toward them. She wheels a rolling bag.

FRANK
Is that the observer? Seriously?

JOANNE
Hello!

LEO
I should make her jump.

She reaches the edge of the dock. Leo hesitates.

JOANNE
I’m Joanne Biles. I’m your “At Sea
Monitor.” I’ll be going out with
you today.

Leo stares at her, giving her nothing. Reluctantly, he takes
the wooden plank and throws it across with a bang.

Joanne awkwardly hoists her bag up onto the plank.

JOANNE (CONT'D)
Could you help me with... I don’t
think I can get across.

Leo lets her struggle with it for a moment, then grabs the
bag and pulls it onboard.


EXT./INT. ANGELA ROSE DECK/WHEELHOUSE - OPEN OCEAN - DAY

The Angela Rose leaves harbor with Joanne on board.

Out in open water, Frank drives in the wheelhouse, eating a
jar of peanut butter with a spoon. Joanne, oblivious, tries
to make conversation.

JOANNE
Feels like rough seas today.

Frank doesn’t respond. Joanne is used to being ignored. No
one likes having her there. She awkwardly climbs into some
brand new Grundens, pulling the tag off them.


Leo enters the wheelhouse, joining his dad by the captain’s
chair. He and Frank exchange a look.

LEO
Should I throw her overboard?
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary As Frank and Leo prepare their boat, the Angela Rose, for departure, they encounter Joanne Biles, their 'At Sea Monitor.' Leo's dismissive attitude towards Joanne creates tension, as he jokingly suggests throwing her overboard. While Frank drives the boat and eats peanut butter, he ignores Joanne's attempts at conversation, highlighting the discomfort surrounding her presence. The scene captures the unresolved conflict and humor in their interactions as they head out to sea.
Strengths
  • Tension-filled interactions
  • Authentic dialogue
  • Effective conflict setup
Weaknesses
  • Limited character development
  • Lack of resolution in the scene

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys the tension and awkwardness between the characters, setting up a conflict that adds depth to the story. The dialogue and interactions feel authentic, enhancing the overall drama of the scene.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of introducing a new character who disrupts the established dynamics of the fishermen adds depth to the story and sets up future conflicts. The scene effectively conveys the clash of personalities and the challenges of adapting to change.

Plot: 8.5

The plot of the scene revolves around the fishermen's reaction to the new observer, setting up a conflict that will likely have repercussions in the story. It moves the narrative forward by introducing a new element that adds complexity to the characters' relationships.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh approach to the familiar trope of an unwanted observer on a boat, adding humor and tension to the situation. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and contribute to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters are well-developed in this scene, with distinct personalities and clear motivations. The tension between the fishermen and the observer is effectively portrayed, adding depth to their interactions.

Character Changes: 8

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the introduction of the new observer and the reactions of the fishermen hint at potential developments in their relationships and dynamics. It sets the stage for future character growth.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to maintain his composure and professionalism despite his annoyance with the new observer, Joanne Biles. This reflects his need to control his emotions and navigate difficult situations.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to successfully depart on the boat with Joanne as the observer. This reflects the immediate challenge of dealing with an unwanted presence on the boat.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8.5

The level of conflict in the scene is high, with the tension between the fishermen and the observer palpable throughout. The conflicting personalities and motivations create a sense of unease and anticipation for future developments.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the characters facing a difficult challenge in dealing with Joanne's presence. The audience is left wondering how the characters will navigate the situation.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are moderately high in this scene, as the tension between the fishermen and the observer could have significant consequences for their relationships and the overall narrative. The outcome of their interactions will likely impact future events.

Story Forward: 9

The scene effectively moves the story forward by introducing a new conflict and setting up future developments. It adds complexity to the narrative and keeps the audience engaged in the evolving dynamics of the characters.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the characters' conflicting motivations and the uncertain outcome of their interactions. The audience is kept on their toes, unsure of how the situation will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the clash between professionalism and personal feelings. Leo and Frank must balance their duty to accommodate Joanne with their personal dislike for her presence.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene has a moderate emotional impact, primarily driven by the tension and discomfort between the characters. The audience can feel the awkwardness and unease in the interactions, adding depth to the storytelling.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the characters' emotions and the underlying tension between them. It adds authenticity to the interactions and enhances the overall drama of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the witty dialogue, subtle tension, and dynamic character interactions. The audience is drawn into the conflict and invested in the outcome of the characters' interactions.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension and maintaining the audience's interest. The rhythm of the dialogue and action keeps the scene moving at a steady pace.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting. The visual descriptions enhance the reader's understanding of the setting and characters.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm of the scene contribute to its effectiveness.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes the tension between the characters, particularly Leo's dismissive attitude towards Joanne, which reflects the broader conflict of the fishing community's resistance to oversight. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtext to convey the underlying emotions and stakes involved in having an 'At Sea Monitor' on board.
  • Joanne's introduction feels somewhat abrupt. While her character is essential for the plot, her initial interaction lacks depth. Providing a brief backstory or a hint of her motivations could make her more relatable and add complexity to the scene.
  • The humor in Leo's suggestion to throw Joanne overboard is a good attempt to lighten the mood, but it may come off as too harsh without further context. A more nuanced approach to Leo's character could help balance the humor with the seriousness of the situation.
  • Frank's character is portrayed as indifferent, but this could be expanded to show his internal conflict about having an observer on board. A moment of reflection or a line that hints at his feelings about the fishing regulations could add depth to his character.
  • The physical actions, such as Joanne struggling with her bag, are a good visual element, but they could be enhanced with more descriptive language to create a stronger sense of the environment and the characters' physicality. This would help ground the scene in its setting.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a line or two that hints at Joanne's background or her perspective on being an 'At Sea Monitor.' This could create empathy for her character and make the audience more invested in her interactions with Frank and Leo.
  • Incorporate more subtext in the dialogue to convey the characters' feelings about the situation. For example, Frank could express a hint of frustration or resignation about the new regulations, which would add layers to his character.
  • Explore Leo's character further by showing a moment of vulnerability or conflict regarding his attitude towards Joanne. This could be achieved through a brief flashback or a line that reveals his own struggles with authority or change.
  • Enhance the physicality of the scene by using more vivid descriptions of the setting and the characters' movements. This will help create a more immersive experience for the audience.
  • Consider adding a moment of tension or conflict between Frank and Leo regarding Joanne's presence. This could lead to a more dynamic interaction and highlight the strain that the new regulations are placing on their relationship.



Scene 41 -  Leap of Faith
EXT. MANSHIP QUARRY - WOODS - EARLY MORNING

Ruby and Miles march along a trail. Aspen leaves quiver,
throwing dappled light down onto the path. Ruby blows past a
“NO SWIMMING” sign.

MILES
So, you gonna murder me?

RUBY
I haven’t decided.

They exit the woods, stepping out onto the edge of the
quarry, thirty feet above the water. Ruby walks to the edge.
She glances back at Miles. She strips off her sweatshirt and
kicks off her shoes.

MILES
Really? No, no, no...

RUBY
Just don’t belly flop.

Ruby leaps off the edge, flies through the air and hits the
water with a smack. Miles watches, stunned, as she surfaces
and swims out, hair glistening in the sun. He peels off his
clothes and takes a deep breath, swallowing his fear.

MILES
Are you crazy? That looks freezing.

RUBY
Get in!

MILES
Clear! Incoming!

Miles leaps after her, yelling on the way down. He surfaces.

MILES (CONT'D)
Oh god, it’s so cold. It went up my
nose!

Ruby splashes him and begins to swim away. He follows.

MILES (CONT'D)
So, we good now?


RUBY
After we do The Barge.

MILES
Which one’s The Barge?

Ruby points across the quarry to an even taller cliff.

MILES (CONT'D)
Wait, that’s like, 40 feet.
Genres: ["Drama","Coming-of-age","Romance"]

Summary In the early morning at Manship Quarry, Ruby's adventurous spirit leads her to impulsively jump into the water despite a 'NO SWIMMING' sign. Miles, initially hesitant and concerned about the cold, eventually follows her into the water. They share playful banter about the experience, with Ruby teasingly mentioning their next challenge: jumping from a higher cliff known as 'The Barge.' The scene captures the tension between Miles' fears and Ruby's carefree attitude, setting the stage for their upcoming adventure.
Strengths
  • Authentic character interactions
  • Emotional depth
  • Symbolism of trust and growth
Weaknesses
  • Limited plot progression
  • Low external conflict

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively captures a mix of playfulness, intimacy, and reflection, providing a moment of emotional depth and character development for Ruby and Miles. The dialogue and actions feel authentic and engaging, contributing to the overall impact of the scene.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of two characters facing their fears and building trust through a shared experience is compelling and well-executed. The scene effectively explores themes of risk-taking, vulnerability, and personal growth.

Plot: 8

While the scene may not directly advance the main plot, it serves as a crucial moment for character development and relationship building between Ruby and Miles. It adds depth to their individual arcs and sets the stage for future interactions.

Originality: 8

The scene demonstrates a level of originality through its fresh approach to the familiar trope of characters facing their fears and taking risks. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds depth and realism to the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

Ruby and Miles are portrayed with depth and authenticity in this scene, showcasing their vulnerabilities, strengths, and evolving relationship. Their chemistry and growth as characters are compelling and engaging.

Character Changes: 8

Both Ruby and Miles experience growth and transformation in this scene, as they confront their fears and insecurities together, leading to a deeper bond and mutual understanding.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to feel alive and free, as evidenced by her willingness to take risks and push boundaries. This reflects her deeper desire for excitement and liberation from constraints.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to conquer her fear and prove her bravery by jumping off the cliff. This reflects the immediate challenge she is facing of overcoming her own doubts and insecurities.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

While there is a mild conflict in terms of the characters facing their fears and uncertainties, the overall tone of the scene is more about overcoming obstacles and building connections.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, as the characters face internal and external obstacles that challenge their beliefs and motivations. The uncertainty of the outcome adds to the tension and drama of the scene.

High Stakes: 6

The stakes in the scene are relatively low in terms of immediate danger or conflict, but the emotional stakes for Ruby and Miles are high as they navigate their fears and vulnerabilities.

Story Forward: 7

While the scene may not directly propel the main plot forward, it contributes to the development of the characters and their relationships, laying the groundwork for future narrative arcs.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the characters' unexpected actions and reactions, keeping the audience on their toes and unsure of how the situation will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is between the characters' desire for adventure and the fear of the unknown. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs about taking risks and embracing uncertainty.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes a strong emotional response, particularly in the moments of vulnerability and connection between Ruby and Miles. The audience is likely to feel a sense of empathy and investment in the characters' journey.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue in the scene is natural, engaging, and reveals insights into the characters' personalities and emotions. It effectively conveys the evolving dynamics between Ruby and Miles, adding depth to their interaction.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the dynamic action, witty dialogue, and emotional stakes. The characters' interactions and the sense of adventure draw the reader in and create a sense of anticipation.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension and suspense, leading up to the climactic moment of the characters jumping off the cliff. The rhythm of the dialogue and action keeps the reader engaged and invested in the outcome.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings, action lines, and dialogue. The visual descriptions and character interactions are well-crafted and engaging.

Structure: 9

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm of the scene contribute to its effectiveness by building tension and excitement.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the thrill and spontaneity of youth through Ruby and Miles' playful banter and the daring act of jumping into the quarry. The dialogue is light and humorous, which helps to establish their relationship and the carefree nature of their adventure.
  • The contrast between Ruby's impulsive nature and Miles' hesitance is well-drawn, showcasing their differing personalities. Ruby's confidence in jumping off the cliff highlights her adventurous spirit, while Miles' reluctance adds a layer of tension and relatability, making the audience root for him to take the leap.
  • The visual imagery of the quarry, with the dappled light and the height of the cliffs, creates a vivid backdrop that enhances the emotional stakes of the scene. The description of Ruby's hair glistening in the sun after her jump adds a poetic touch, emphasizing her freedom and joy.
  • However, the scene could benefit from deeper emotional stakes. While the playful banter is engaging, it might be more impactful if there were hints of underlying tension or stakes related to their personal lives or the challenges they face. This could create a more profound connection for the audience.
  • The transition from the previous scene to this one feels abrupt. While the humor in Leo's comment about throwing Joanne overboard is amusing, it doesn't seamlessly lead into the adventurous tone of Ruby and Miles' quarry escapade. A smoother transition could enhance the flow of the narrative.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment of reflection for Ruby before she jumps, perhaps a brief flash of doubt or a memory that connects her leap to her desire for independence. This could deepen the emotional resonance of the scene.
  • Incorporate more sensory details to enhance the atmosphere. Describe the sounds of the water, the feeling of the wind, or the smell of the woods to immerse the audience further in the setting.
  • Explore the dynamics of Ruby and Miles' relationship more explicitly. Perhaps include a line or two that hints at their feelings for each other or their shared history, which could add depth to their playful banter.
  • To improve the transition from the previous scene, consider adding a brief moment where Ruby and Miles discuss their day or reflect on the events leading up to this adventure, creating a more cohesive narrative flow.
  • After the jump, you could include a moment where they both float in the water, allowing for a brief conversation that reveals more about their characters and their thoughts on the future, enhancing the emotional stakes of the scene.



Scene 42 -  Communication Barrier
EXT. ANGELA ROSE DECK - OPEN OCEAN - DAY

Frank and Leo work setting out the nets. Joanne lays out all
of her marine kit, her scales. She approaches Frank.

JOANNE
Hey, is the engine regularly
maintained?

Frank shrugs. She tries again.

JOANNE (CONT'D)
When was the last time you had your
engine checked?

Frank gestures to his ears and shakes his head - Can’t hear.

JOANNE (CONT'D)
Yeah, it’s loud! That’s why I’m
asking.

Finally Frank grabs her notebook from her and scribbles.

Deaf.

Joanne stares at him in surprise. She gestures to Leo.

JOANNE (CONT'D)
Him too?

Frank nods, then returns to work. Joanne sits down, stunned.
She looks concerned, pulls out her phone and turns away from
them a call.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary On the deck of the Angela Rose, Frank and Leo, both deaf, are setting fishing nets when Joanne approaches Frank to ask about the engine maintenance. Unable to hear her, Frank reveals his deafness by writing 'Deaf' in her notebook. Surprised and concerned, Joanne steps away to make a phone call, leaving the communication barrier unresolved.
Strengths
  • Unique communication dynamic with deaf characters
  • Tension between characters
  • High stakes of boat maintenance
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue moments could be more impactful
  • Character changes not fully realized

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.2

The scene effectively introduces a unique communication dynamic with deaf characters, creates tension through conflicting personalities, and raises the stakes with the maintenance of the fishing boat.


Story Content

Concept: 8.5

The concept of exploring communication barriers and tension within a fishing crew is engaging and well-executed, adding depth to the characters and the overall narrative.

Plot: 8

The plot advances through the introduction of the boat maintenance issue and the communication challenges, setting up potential conflicts and character developments.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh approach to communication barriers and character dynamics, with the deafness of Frank and Leo adding a unique element to the story. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue enhances the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters are well-defined, each with distinct personalities and motivations that contribute to the tension and dynamics within the scene.

Character Changes: 7

While there are hints of potential character changes, such as understanding the importance of communication and teamwork, they are not fully realized in this scene.

Internal Goal: 8

Joanne's internal goal is to ensure the safety and efficiency of the boat by checking on the engine maintenance. This reflects her need for control and responsibility in her work, as well as her desire to prevent any potential accidents or issues.

External Goal: 7

Joanne's external goal is to communicate with Frank and Leo about the engine maintenance. This reflects the immediate challenge of overcoming the communication barrier and ensuring the boat's functionality.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict between the characters, especially regarding communication and boat maintenance, adds intensity to the scene and sets up potential resolutions.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong due to the communication barrier and the characters' conflicting needs and goals. The audience is left unsure of how the situation will be resolved.

High Stakes: 8

The high stakes of maintaining the fishing boat, navigating communication challenges, and resolving tensions between characters add urgency and importance to the scene.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by introducing key conflicts, themes, and character dynamics that will likely impact future events.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected revelation of Frank and Leo's deafness, which adds a new layer of complexity to the story.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict in this scene is the clash between different communication styles and abilities. Joanne's reliance on verbal communication contrasts with Frank and Leo's deafness, challenging her beliefs about effective communication and understanding.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7.5

The scene elicits concern, surprise, and dismissiveness from the characters, creating an emotional impact that resonates with the audience.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue effectively conveys the communication struggles and tensions between the characters, although some moments could have been more impactful.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the unique character dynamics, communication challenges, and emotional depth. The tension between the characters keeps the audience invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension and suspense through the characters' interactions and non-verbal communication.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm contribute to its effectiveness.


Critique
  • The scene effectively introduces a moment of tension and surprise with the revelation that both Frank and Leo are deaf. This adds depth to their characters and highlights the challenges they face in a world that often overlooks their needs. However, the scene could benefit from more emotional resonance. Joanne's reaction feels somewhat flat; exploring her internal conflict or surprise could enhance the stakes.
  • The dialogue is functional but lacks a sense of urgency or emotional weight. While the communication barrier is clear, the scene could be enriched by incorporating more subtext or non-verbal cues that convey the characters' feelings. For instance, Frank's shrug could be accompanied by a frustrated or resigned expression, indicating his awareness of the challenges they face.
  • The pacing of the scene feels a bit rushed. The transition from Frank's initial indifference to Joanne's concern happens quickly, which may leave the audience wanting more context. Expanding on the interaction could provide a clearer understanding of the dynamics at play and the implications of their communication barriers.
  • Joanne's character is introduced but not fully developed in this scene. Providing a glimpse into her motivations or background could make her more relatable and create a stronger connection with the audience. For example, showing her initial enthusiasm for the job before realizing the communication barrier could add depth to her character.
  • The visual elements are somewhat lacking in this scene. While the setting is established, there is an opportunity to use the environment to reflect the characters' emotions. For instance, the ocean's vastness could symbolize the isolation Frank and Leo feel, while Joanne's concern could be mirrored in the turbulent waves.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more internal thoughts or reactions from Joanne to convey her surprise and concern more vividly. This could be done through brief flashbacks or reflections that highlight her previous experiences with deaf individuals.
  • Incorporate more physicality and non-verbal communication in the scene. For example, Frank could use more expressive gestures or facial expressions to convey his feelings about the engine maintenance, enhancing the emotional depth of the interaction.
  • Expand the dialogue to include more back-and-forth between Joanne and Frank, allowing for a more dynamic exchange. This could involve Joanne trying different ways to communicate her questions, showcasing her determination to ensure safety despite the barriers.
  • Introduce a moment where Joanne reflects on her own feelings about working with deaf individuals, perhaps revealing her own biases or misconceptions. This could create a more nuanced character and deepen the audience's understanding of her perspective.
  • Use the setting to enhance the emotional tone of the scene. For example, as Joanne realizes the communication barrier, the ocean could become more turbulent, reflecting her internal conflict and the challenges faced by Frank and Leo.



Scene 43 -  Leap of Courage
EXT. MANSHIP QUARRY - TRAIL - DAY

Ruby and Miles climb out of the water, up the rocks.

MILES
Haven’t kids like died doing this?


RUBY
It will definitely flip your
eyelids inside out and give you the
worst wedgie of your life.

Miles reluctantly follows.

RUBY (CONT'D)
Your legs are gonna start shaking,
like cartoon style. So jump fast to
save yourself.

MILES
Okay.

RUBY
And there’s a branch sticking out
about halfway down. So jump out.

MILES
You’re really selling this.

They emerge from the woods at the top of the cliff.

MILES (CONT'D)
Is that poison ivy?

Ruby shrugs, walks to the edge. Miles cautiously joins her.

MILES (CONT'D)
Holy shit. Should we leave a note?
In case people think this was a
joint suicide?

RUBY
Let’s keep ‘em guessing.

They look down over the edge. It’s really high.

MILES
Yeah, there’s the shaky legs.

RUBY
Okay. One. Two...

MILES
Wait, wait, wait.

Ruby stops. As soon as she does, Miles leaps off the edge.

MILES (CONT'D)
Three! Saving myself!


RUBY
No!

Ruby jumps after him. It’s a huge leap. They fly, screaming
in terror and joy. They hit the water with a resounding
smack. They both disappear. After a moment, they break the
surface, gasping.

MILES
Yeah! That hurt!

RUBY
OWWWW!

Their laughter and howls echo off the quarry walls.
Genres: ["Drama","Comedy"]

Summary At Manship Quarry, Ruby playfully encourages a hesitant Miles to jump off a cliff into the water below, warning him of the dangers. After a countdown, they both leap, screaming in a mix of terror and joy, hitting the water with a loud smack. They resurface, laughing and gasping, embracing the thrill of their adventurous jump.
Strengths
  • Humorous banter between characters
  • Exciting and adventurous moment
  • Strong portrayal of camaraderie and friendship
Weaknesses
  • Limited impact on main plot
  • Low level of conflict

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively captures the essence of youthful recklessness and friendship, providing a lighthearted and entertaining moment amidst the overall drama of the screenplay.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of two characters taking a daring leap off a cliff adds a sense of adventure and risk to the scene, showcasing their carefree attitudes and willingness to embrace the moment.

Plot: 7.5

While the scene may not directly impact the main plot, it serves as a refreshing break from the heavier themes of the screenplay, providing a moment of levity and fun for the characters.

Originality: 8

The scene offers a fresh approach to the theme of facing fears and embracing adventure, with authentic character actions and dialogue that feel genuine and relatable.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The scene effectively highlights the personalities of Ruby and Miles, showcasing their adventurous and playful sides. Their dynamic and camaraderie shine through in this moment.

Character Changes: 6

While the characters do not undergo significant changes in this scene, it does showcase their adventurous and daring sides, adding depth to their personalities.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to experience a sense of freedom and adrenaline rush. This reflects their deeper desire for excitement and living in the moment.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to conquer their fear and take a leap of faith. This reflects the immediate challenge of facing their fears and embracing the unknown.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 5

While there is a sense of danger in the characters' leap off the cliff, the overall conflict level is relatively low, focusing more on the adventurous spirit and camaraderie between Ruby and Miles.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create suspense and uncertainty, adding depth to the characters' journey.

High Stakes: 6

The high stakes come from the characters' risky leap off the cliff, adding a sense of danger and excitement to the scene.

Story Forward: 6

The scene does not significantly move the main story forward but provides a refreshing break and adds depth to the characters' relationships and personalities.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because the characters' actions and decisions keep the audience on edge, unsure of the outcome of their daring leap.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is between the characters' desire for adventure and the fear of consequences. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs about risk-taking and living life to the fullest.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a sense of excitement and joy, drawing the audience into the characters' carefree moment of adventure. The emotional impact is high due to the exhilarating nature of the leap.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue between Ruby and Miles is light-hearted and humorous, adding to the playful tone of the scene. It effectively conveys their excitement and banter.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it captures the thrill of the characters' risky leap, creating tension and excitement for the audience.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, building tension and excitement as the characters prepare for and execute their daring leap.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings, dialogue formatting, and action descriptions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution that drive the narrative forward.


Critique
  • The dialogue between Ruby and Miles effectively captures their playful banter and the mix of excitement and fear associated with jumping off the cliff. However, the humor could be enhanced by incorporating more specific references to their personalities or shared experiences, which would deepen their connection and make the dialogue feel more organic.
  • The scene successfully builds tension as Miles hesitates before jumping, which adds to the emotional stakes. However, the transition from hesitation to action could be more pronounced. Consider adding a moment where Miles visibly grapples with his fear before ultimately deciding to jump, which would heighten the impact of his leap.
  • The physicality of the scene is strong, particularly with the description of the characters climbing out of the water and the cliff's height. However, the visual imagery could be enriched by incorporating more sensory details, such as the sound of the water, the feel of the rocks, or the temperature of the air, to immerse the audience further in the setting.
  • The emotional tone shifts effectively from playful to exhilarating, but the moment of impact when they hit the water could be more vividly described. Instead of just stating they hit the water with a 'resounding smack,' consider elaborating on the sensation of the water, the shock of the cold, and their immediate reactions to create a more visceral experience.
  • The ending of the scene, with their laughter echoing off the quarry walls, is a nice touch that conveys their joy. However, it might be beneficial to include a brief moment of reflection after they surface, where they acknowledge the thrill of the jump or share a quick exchange about how they feel, which would add depth to their experience.
Suggestions
  • Enhance the dialogue by incorporating more specific references to Ruby and Miles' past experiences or inside jokes to make their banter feel more authentic and relatable.
  • Add a moment of internal conflict for Miles before he jumps, showcasing his fear and hesitation more clearly to heighten the tension and emotional stakes.
  • Incorporate more sensory details to enrich the setting, such as the sounds of nature, the feel of the water, and the atmosphere around the quarry, to create a more immersive experience.
  • Elaborate on the moment of impact when they hit the water, describing the sensations and reactions in more detail to create a more vivid and engaging experience for the audience.
  • Include a brief moment of reflection or dialogue after they surface to capture their exhilaration and deepen their emotional connection, reinforcing the significance of the jump in their relationship.



Scene 44 -  Silent Violation
EXT. ANGELA ROSE DECK - OPEN OCEAN - AFTERNOON

Frank and Leo work on deck, sorting the fish. Joanne weighs a
fish, makes some notes in her notebook, but she scans the
horizon, waiting. The guys continue to work, oblivious. A
RADIO TRANSMISSION comes in.

RADIO (V.O.)
Fishing vessel Angela Rose, fishing
vessel Angela Rose. Coast Guard. 25
off your starboard quarter. Channel
16. Over.

A WARNING LIGHT FLASHES in the empty wheelhouse. No one sees
it except Joanne, who watches, but doesn’t alert them. The
RADIO CRACKLES and goes unanswered.

RADIO (V.O.)
Fishing vessel Angela Rose. Coast
Guard. 24, E21. 25, E21. Channel
16. Come in. Over.

Leo and Frank continue to work. A COAST GUARD BOAT
approaches, speeding toward them, SIRENS BLARING.

RADIO (V.O.)
Fishing vessel Angela Rose. Fishing
vessel Angela Rose. Coast Guard.
24, E21. 25, E21. Come in, over.
Fishing vessel Angela Rose. Fishing
vessel Angela Rose. Coast Guard 25.
You are in violation.

The Coast Guard boat speeds up alongside the Angela Rose. Two
BOARDING OFFICERS clear the rail, leaping onto deck. Frank
and Leo jump up, startled by the flashing lights and the
angry faces of the officers.


COAST GUARD OFFICER
You sir, stand up! Drop the pick.
Stand up! Stand up!

Frank and Leo throw their hands up, confused and terrified,
trying to understand what’s happening.

COAST GUARD OFFICER (CONT'D)
What’s going on here? Why is no one
answering the radio?

Frank points at his ear. The Coast Guard officers turn to
Joanne. Dialogue fades out and we watch the scene from
Frank’s perspective as Joanne explains that they’re deaf.

Frank stares at Joanne, the revelation slowly washing over
him - this is her doing.


EXT. MANSHIP QUARRY - WATER - DAY

Ruby and Miles float on a downed tree in the quarry. They
attempt to jump up on the log at the same time.

MILES
Nailed it.

The log spins. They tumble into the water.

MILES (CONT'D)
Check it out!

Miles scrambles up, loses his balance, splashes in. Ruby
makes it up and runs the length as Miles cheers.

Exhausted, they rest their arms on opposite sides, drifting
quietly. Miles leans over and kisses her. It’s perfect.
Genres: ["Drama","Romance"]

Summary On the fishing vessel Angela Rose, Frank and Leo are sorting fish when the Coast Guard arrives, demanding answers about a radio warning they didn't hear. Confused and terrified, they learn from Joanne that they are deaf, leading to a tense realization for Frank about the implications of their silence as the officers express frustration over the lack of communication.
Strengths
  • Effective blend of tension and romance
  • Surprising twist with the reveal of deaf characters
  • Emotional impact on the audience
Weaknesses
  • Possible lack of clarity in some character motivations
  • Dialogue could be more nuanced in certain interactions

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively combines tension, romance, and surprise elements, keeping the audience engaged and emotionally invested.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of deaf characters facing a conflict with the Coast Guard adds depth and uniqueness to the scene. The romantic moment between Ruby and Miles provides a contrasting emotional layer.

Plot: 8.5

The plot advances significantly with the introduction of conflict with the Coast Guard and the romantic development between Ruby and Miles. The scene contributes meaningfully to the overall story.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh take on the familiar trope of authority figures confronting rebels, adding a twist with the revelation of the crew's deafness. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters' reactions to the conflict and the romantic interaction are well-portrayed, adding depth to their personalities. The tension and emotional nuances are effectively conveyed.

Character Changes: 8

The characters, particularly Frank and Leo, undergo a significant change when their deafness is revealed to the Coast Guard, leading to a shift in the dynamics of the scene.

Internal Goal: 8

Joanne's internal goal in this scene is to protect her crew members and maintain control of the situation. This reflects her deeper need for responsibility and leadership, as well as her fear of losing control in a dangerous situation.

External Goal: 9

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to avoid being caught by the Coast Guard for violating regulations. This reflects the immediate challenge they are facing of dealing with the authorities and potential consequences.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict with the Coast Guard and the romantic tension between Ruby and Miles elevate the scene's conflict level, keeping the audience engaged and invested.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the Coast Guard representing a formidable obstacle for the fishermen. The uncertainty of the outcome adds to the tension and suspense.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are raised with the conflict between the deaf characters and the Coast Guard, adding tension and uncertainty to the scene.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by introducing a new conflict with the Coast Guard and developing the romantic subplot between Ruby and Miles, adding depth to the overall narrative.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twist of the crew's deafness and the escalating tension with the Coast Guard. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of how the situation will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is the clash between following regulations and maintaining independence. The fishermen value their freedom to operate as they see fit, while the Coast Guard represents authority and control.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from tension and frustration to joy and confusion, creating a compelling emotional impact on the audience.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue effectively conveys the tension, conflict, and romantic undertones in the scene. It captures the characters' emotions and motivations convincingly.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the high stakes, suspenseful buildup, and emotional character dynamics. The audience is drawn into the conflict and invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a gradual buildup of tension, emotional beats, and character revelations. The rhythm of the dialogue and action enhances the effectiveness of the scene.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of the scene is clear and concise, following industry standards for screenplay format. It effectively conveys the visual and auditory elements of the setting.

Structure: 9

The scene follows the expected structure for a suspenseful confrontation, building tension through escalating actions and dialogue. The formatting effectively conveys the setting and character dynamics.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension through the use of the radio transmission and the Coast Guard's approach, creating a sense of impending conflict. However, the emotional stakes could be heightened by exploring Frank and Leo's internal reactions more deeply as they realize the gravity of the situation. Their confusion and fear are palpable, but adding more internal dialogue or visual cues could enhance the audience's connection to their plight.
  • The dialogue from the Coast Guard officers is straightforward but lacks a sense of urgency or personality. Infusing their dialogue with more character or urgency could make the scene more engaging. For example, instead of just commanding Frank and Leo to stand up, the officers could express frustration or disbelief at the situation, which would add depth to their characters.
  • The transition from the tension on the Angela Rose to the lighter moment with Ruby and Miles at the quarry feels abrupt. While the juxtaposition of the two scenes can be effective, it may benefit from a smoother transition that ties the emotional weight of the first scene to the carefree nature of the second. Perhaps a visual or auditory cue, like the fading sound of the Coast Guard sirens, could help bridge the two moments.
  • Joanne's character is somewhat passive in this scene. While she plays a crucial role in revealing the communication barrier, her motivations and feelings about the situation are not explored. Adding a moment where she expresses concern or frustration about the misunderstanding could make her character more relatable and add complexity to the scene.
  • The visual elements are strong, particularly the imagery of the Coast Guard boat approaching and the confusion on deck. However, the scene could benefit from more sensory details that immerse the audience in the environment. Describing the sounds of the ocean, the feel of the wind, or the tension in the air could enhance the atmosphere.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding internal thoughts or reactions from Frank and Leo as they process the situation with the Coast Guard. This could help the audience empathize with their confusion and fear.
  • Revise the Coast Guard officers' dialogue to include more personality or urgency, making them feel more dynamic and engaging.
  • Create a smoother transition between the tense scene on the Angela Rose and the lighter moment with Ruby and Miles by incorporating a visual or auditory cue that connects the two.
  • Explore Joanne's character further by adding a moment where she expresses her feelings about the situation, making her role more active and relatable.
  • Enhance the sensory details in the scene to create a more immersive experience for the audience, describing the sounds, smells, and feelings present on the boat.



Scene 45 -  Tensions in the Kitchen
INT. ROSSI HOME - KITCHEN - NIGHT

Ruby enters, riding high from her day. Her parents and Leo
are arguing fiercely in the kitchen.

RUBY
What happened?

FRANK
You didn’t come to work. We’re done
fishing. They suspended my license.

Ruby stares at him - oh shit.


RUBY
Who did?

LEO
Coasties. The observer saw we were
deaf and tipped them off.

RUBY
(signed and spoken)
They can’t do that!

LEO
We were just working and they came
to board us. We didn’t know.

RUBY
I told you. You need a hearing
deckhand.

FRANK
Yeah, that’s you! You were that
person.

RUBY
(signed and spoken)
I can’t always be that person.

LEO
She’s right. We need another guy.

JACKIE
We can’t afford it!

FRANK
If you’d told me you weren’t
coming, I’d have figured something
out. But you didn’t.

RUBY
You’re seriously blaming me?

JACKIE
Your father was counting on you.

RUBY
(signed and spoken)
No. Don’t put this on me! It’s not
my fault.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary Ruby enters the kitchen feeling positive but is quickly drawn into a heated argument between her parents, Frank and Jackie, and Leo. Frank reveals his fishing suspension due to Ruby's absence at work, leading to accusations and frustration directed at Ruby. Despite her attempts to defend herself, asserting that she cannot always be the hearing deckhand, the argument escalates, highlighting family expectations and disappointment. The scene ends with Ruby standing her ground, leaving the conflict unresolved.
Strengths
  • Intense emotional conflict
  • Realistic family dynamics
  • Strong character interactions
Weaknesses
  • Lack of resolution in the scene
  • Limited external context provided

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene is well-written with intense emotions and high stakes. The conflict between family members is palpable, and the consequences of miscommunication and lack of support are evident.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of family conflict and miscommunication is effectively explored, adding depth to the characters and their relationships. The scene delves into the consequences of not addressing issues within the family.

Plot: 8.5

The plot progression in this scene is crucial as it reveals the impact of Ruby's absence on her family's livelihood. The conflict adds layers to the overall story and sets up future developments.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh approach to the family drama genre by incorporating the unique setting of the fishing industry and exploring themes of responsibility and autonomy. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters are well-developed, each with their own motivations and struggles. Their interactions feel authentic, showcasing the complexities of family dynamics.

Character Changes: 8

The characters undergo subtle changes in their dynamics and perceptions of each other, especially in terms of blame and responsibility. The scene sets the stage for potential character growth.

Internal Goal: 8

Ruby's internal goal in this scene is to assert her independence and push back against her family's expectations of her always being the reliable one. It reflects her deeper need for autonomy and recognition of her own limitations.

External Goal: 7

Ruby's external goal is to defend herself against her family's blame for the fishing license suspension and assert that it's not her fault.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is intense and multi-layered, involving personal, familial, and financial stakes. The characters' conflicting emotions drive the narrative forward.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting viewpoints and emotional barriers that create obstacles for the characters to overcome.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in this scene as the family faces financial repercussions and strained relationships due to miscommunication and neglect. The characters' livelihoods are at risk.

Story Forward: 9

The scene propels the story forward by introducing a significant conflict that will have repercussions on the characters' relationships and future decisions. It sets up new challenges and developments.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the shifting dynamics between the characters and the unexpected revelation of the fishing license suspension.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is the clash between familial duty and personal autonomy. Ruby's desire to break free from always being the responsible one conflicts with her family's expectations of her.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene evokes strong emotions from the audience, particularly feelings of frustration, anger, and concern. The family conflict resonates on an emotional level.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue effectively conveys the characters' emotions and motivations, driving the conflict forward. The exchanges feel natural and contribute to the scene's intensity.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the high emotional stakes, intense conflict, and relatable family dynamics that draw the audience in.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and allows for the emotional beats to land, enhancing the overall impact of the confrontation.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with clear scene headings and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a dramatic family confrontation, with clear character motivations and escalating tension.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the tension and conflict within the Rossi family, showcasing the stakes involved in Ruby's absence from work. The dialogue is sharp and conveys the frustration of each character, particularly Frank and Jackie, who feel let down by Ruby's decision. However, the emotional weight could be enhanced by incorporating more physical reactions or expressions from the characters, allowing the audience to feel the intensity of the moment.
  • The use of sign language alongside spoken dialogue is a strong choice that emphasizes the family's deafness and Ruby's role as the interpreter. However, the scene could benefit from clearer visual cues or descriptions of the signing, as not all viewers may be familiar with sign language. This would help to ensure that the emotional nuances of Ruby's communication are fully understood.
  • The pacing of the scene feels rushed, particularly in the dialogue exchanges. While the urgency of the argument is appropriate, allowing for brief pauses or interruptions could heighten the tension and give the audience a moment to absorb the gravity of the situation. This would also provide opportunities for the characters to react more authentically to each other's words.
  • The conflict centers around Ruby's responsibility and the family's reliance on her, which is a compelling theme. However, the scene could delve deeper into Ruby's internal struggle. Adding a moment of reflection or a flashback to her earlier experiences could provide context for her reluctance to take on the role of the hearing deckhand, making her position more relatable and sympathetic.
  • The scene ends on a confrontational note, which is effective for building tension. However, it might be beneficial to include a moment of vulnerability or a hint of reconciliation, even if it's subtle. This could set the stage for future character development and show that despite the conflict, there is still love and concern within the family.
Suggestions
  • Incorporate more physical actions or expressions to convey the emotional stakes of the argument, such as Ruby's body language or facial expressions reflecting her frustration and hurt.
  • Provide clearer descriptions of the sign language being used, perhaps by including brief explanations or visual cues that help the audience understand the nuances of Ruby's communication.
  • Consider adding pauses or interruptions in the dialogue to create a more natural rhythm and allow the audience to absorb the emotional weight of the conversation.
  • Explore Ruby's internal conflict further by including a moment of reflection or a flashback that highlights her past experiences with the family business and her feelings about her responsibilities.
  • Introduce a moment of vulnerability or a hint of reconciliation at the end of the scene to suggest that despite the conflict, the family bond remains strong and can be repaired.



Scene 46 -  Navigating Compliance
INT. COAST GUARD OFFICE - DAY

Frank, Jackie and Leo sit in front of a couple of COAST GUARD
HEARING OFFICERS reviewing their case. Ruby interprets.


COAST GUARD OFFICER
You failed to obey an order by
federal law enforcement to board
your vessel. On top of that, you
were operating your vessel in a
negligent and dangerous manner due
to your... disability. I have no
choice but to administer the
minimum fine, which is $1,000. And
an additional penalty of $1,500.

FRANK
We can’t pay that unless we can get
back on the water.

RUBY
Officer, what do they need to do to
be able to fish again?

COAST GUARD OFFICER
You will be required to have a
hearing individual on board at all
times to answer radios, hear ship
whistles, etcetera. We will be
monitoring you regularly to make
sure you are in compliance. Do you
have that person?

Ruby stares at him, considering this.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary In a tense Coast Guard office hearing, Frank, Jackie, and Leo face fines for operating their vessel unsafely due to Frank's disability. With a total fine of $2,500, Frank expresses concern about their financial struggles and the need to resume fishing. Ruby, acting as their interpreter, inquires about the requirements to fish again, learning that they must have a hearing individual on board at all times for safety compliance. The scene ends with Ruby contemplating the implications of this requirement.
Strengths
  • Intense conflict
  • Realistic dialogue
  • Character agency
Weaknesses
  • Limited character development in this specific scene

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively builds tension and drama through the conflict between the Rossi family and the Coast Guard, introducing high stakes with the financial penalty and the requirement for a hearing individual. Ruby's pivotal role adds depth to the narrative and showcases her determination to navigate challenging situations.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the scene revolves around the repercussions of the Rossi family's actions, the challenges they face with the Coast Guard, and the need for adaptation to comply with regulations. It effectively introduces external obstacles that test the characters' resilience.

Plot: 8.5

The plot advances significantly in this scene as the Rossi family is confronted with financial penalties and compliance requirements, setting the stage for future developments. The conflict with the Coast Guard adds depth to the narrative and raises the stakes for the characters.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh approach to the familiar theme of conflict between individuals and authority figures, with a focus on the consequences of violating maritime laws. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and contribute to the authenticity of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-developed in this scene, with each member of the Rossi family reacting authentically to the challenges they face. Ruby's role as an interpreter and decision-maker is particularly highlighted, showcasing her agency and determination.

Character Changes: 7

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the interactions with the Coast Guard officers and the financial penalties imposed on the Rossi family set the stage for potential growth and development in future scenes.

Internal Goal: 8

Frank's internal goal is to find a way to continue fishing despite the penalties imposed by the Coast Guard. This reflects his desire to maintain his livelihood and independence, as well as his fear of losing his way of life.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to negotiate a solution with the Coast Guard that allows them to get back on the water and continue fishing. This goal reflects the immediate challenge they are facing in terms of financial penalties and compliance requirements.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is intense and multi-faceted, involving the financial penalties, compliance requirements, and the strained relationship between the Rossi family and the Coast Guard. The high stakes and confrontational tone heighten the drama.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, as the Coast Guard officers present formidable obstacles to the protagonists' goals and force them to make difficult decisions.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in this scene, as the Rossi family faces financial penalties, compliance requirements, and the threat of being unable to fish without a hearing individual on board. The consequences of non-compliance add urgency and tension to the situation.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by introducing new obstacles for the characters, escalating the conflict with the Coast Guard, and setting up future plot developments. The financial penalties and compliance requirements drive the narrative in a new direction.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because the outcome of the negotiation with the Coast Guard officers is uncertain, leaving the audience unsure of how the protagonists will resolve their situation.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between the protagonists' desire to maintain their way of life and independence, and the Coast Guard's duty to enforce maritime laws and ensure safety. This challenges the protagonists' beliefs about authority, responsibility, and the consequences of their actions.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene elicits a range of emotions, including concern for the Rossi family's predicament, frustration at the obstacles they face, and determination to overcome the challenges. The emotional impact is heightened by the high stakes and personal consequences for the characters.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue effectively conveys the tension and conflict between the characters, especially during the interaction with the Coast Guard officers. The exchanges are realistic and contribute to the overall atmosphere of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it presents a high-stakes conflict, realistic dialogue, and complex characters facing difficult decisions.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, with a gradual escalation of conflict and a climactic resolution that leaves room for future developments.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a dialogue-heavy scene in a screenplay, with clear character names, dialogue cues, and scene descriptions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a dramatic confrontation between the protagonists and the Coast Guard officers, with a clear conflict, rising tension, and a resolution that sets up future conflicts.


Critique
  • The scene effectively conveys the tension and stakes involved in the Coast Guard's decision, highlighting the family's financial struggles and the implications of their deafness. However, the dialogue could benefit from more emotional depth. The characters' reactions to the fine and the requirements imposed on them feel somewhat flat, lacking the visceral impact of their situation.
  • Ruby's role as the interpreter is crucial, yet her internal conflict about being blamed for the situation is not fully explored in this scene. It would be beneficial to show her emotional struggle more vividly, perhaps through her body language or facial expressions, as she interprets the officer's words.
  • The Coast Guard officer's dialogue is somewhat clinical and lacks a personal touch. Adding a line or two that acknowledges the family's situation could humanize the officer and create a more dynamic interaction. This would also help to contrast the bureaucratic nature of the Coast Guard with the personal stakes for the Rossi family.
  • The scene ends on a note of contemplation for Ruby, but it could be more impactful if it included a stronger visual or emotional cue that signifies her realization of the burden placed on her. This could be a close-up shot of her face, a lingering look at her family, or a physical reaction that encapsulates her internal conflict.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment where Ruby reacts emotionally to the officer's words, perhaps showing her frustration or fear about the implications of needing a hearing individual on board. This could be done through a brief flashback or a visual metaphor that connects her to her family's struggles.
  • Enhance the Coast Guard officer's dialogue to include a line that acknowledges the family's challenges, which would create a more empathetic tone and deepen the conflict. For example, the officer could express understanding of their situation while still emphasizing the need for compliance.
  • Incorporate more physicality into the scene. For instance, show Frank's hands clenching or Jackie looking away in distress as the fine is announced. This would add layers to their emotional responses and make the scene more visually engaging.
  • Consider ending the scene with a more definitive emotional beat for Ruby, such as a close-up of her face as she processes the officer's requirements, or a moment where she looks at her family, indicating her willingness to shoulder the burden despite the pressure.



Scene 47 -  Tides of Tension
INT. ROSSI HOME - DECK - NIGHT

The Rossi family eats a subdued, sad dinner.

FRANK
I’ll sell the boat. Take the money
we can. That’ll be that.

RUBY
It’s fine. I’ll stay. I’ll work
with you on the boat.

Her family stares at her.

LEO
No!

RUBY
Yes. We can’t afford to pay someone
else. And there’s nobody that’s
gonna know how to sign.


FRANK
Are you sure?

RUBY
School can wait. I already decided.
I’m excited.

Her parents look relieved. Frustrated, Leo pushes back.

LEO
Oh, Saint Ruby! We’ll make a shrine
to you on the boat.

JACKIE
Wait. She’s trying to help!

LEO
Well, thank God you have her.

Leo storms out, leaving the three of them looking after him.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary During a somber dinner on the Rossi family's deck, Frank suggests selling their boat to ease financial burdens. Ruby, determined to help, offers to stay and work on the boat, which her parents support. However, Leo reacts with sarcasm and frustration, criticizing Ruby's selflessness before storming out, leaving the family in a state of unresolved tension.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Character dynamics
  • Family conflict resolution
Weaknesses
  • Leo's initial resistance could be further explored

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys the emotional turmoil within the family and the sacrifice Ruby is willing to make. The dialogue and character interactions are compelling, drawing the audience into the family dynamics.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of family sacrifice and loyalty is central to the scene, driving the characters' actions and decisions. The idea of putting personal dreams on hold for the greater good is a powerful theme.

Plot: 8

The plot progresses significantly in this scene as Ruby makes a major decision that will impact her future and the family dynamics. The conflict and resolution add depth to the overall story.

Originality: 8

The scene presents a fresh approach to the theme of family sacrifice and financial struggles. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters are well-developed, each with their own motivations and conflicts. Ruby's selflessness and determination, Frank's concern for his family, Jackie's protective nature, and Leo's frustration are all effectively portrayed.

Character Changes: 8

Ruby undergoes a significant change in this scene, shifting her focus from her personal dreams to supporting her family. This decision marks a turning point in her character arc.

Internal Goal: 8

Ruby's internal goal in this scene is to sacrifice her own desires for the sake of her family's financial stability. This reflects her deeper need to support her family and her fear of letting them down.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to convince her family to let her stay and work on the boat with them instead of hiring someone else. This reflects the immediate challenge of financial strain and the need for her contribution to the family business.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict between family members regarding Ruby's decision creates tension and emotional depth in the scene. The differing opinions and strong emotions contribute to the overall conflict.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Leo's resistance to Ruby's decision creating conflict and uncertainty. The audience is unsure of how the family dynamics will be affected by Ruby's choice.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in this scene as Ruby makes a life-altering decision that will impact her future and the well-being of her family. The financial and emotional consequences add weight to the situation.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing a major development in Ruby's journey and the family dynamics. It sets the stage for future conflicts and resolutions.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected decision Ruby makes to stay and work on the boat, defying her brother's expectations and challenging the family dynamic.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between individual sacrifice for the greater good and personal desires. Ruby's decision to stay and work on the boat challenges her brother's belief that she should prioritize her education.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking feelings of sadness, relief, and frustration in the audience. The sacrifice Ruby is willing to make for her family resonates strongly.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is impactful, revealing the inner thoughts and emotions of the characters. The exchanges between family members are authentic and drive the scene forward.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the emotional tension between the characters and the high stakes of the family's financial situation. The audience is invested in Ruby's decision and the outcome of the conflict.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and emotional stakes, with a gradual escalation of conflict and resolution. The rhythm of the dialogue and character interactions contributes to the scene's effectiveness.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and concise, with proper scene headings and dialogue formatting that adheres to industry standards.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for a dramatic family interaction, with clear character motivations and conflicts driving the dialogue and action.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the emotional weight of the family's situation, particularly through Ruby's willingness to sacrifice her education for the sake of the family business. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtext to convey the underlying tensions and frustrations among the characters, especially between Ruby and Leo.
  • Leo's reaction feels somewhat one-dimensional, as he quickly resorts to sarcasm without delving deeper into his feelings about Ruby's decision. This could be an opportunity to explore his insecurities and fears about being overshadowed by Ruby's talent and the family's reliance on her.
  • The pacing of the scene is slightly uneven. The transition from Ruby's hopeful offer to Leo's outburst feels abrupt. A moment of silence or a visual cue could enhance the emotional impact of the moment, allowing the audience to absorb the weight of the situation before the conflict escalates.
  • The setting of the dinner table is a strong choice, symbolizing family unity, but the subdued atmosphere could be enhanced with more sensory details. Describing the food, the sounds of utensils clinking, or the dim lighting could help to create a more immersive experience for the audience.
  • Jackie's role in the scene is supportive, but she could be given a stronger voice to express her own concerns about Ruby's decision. This would add depth to her character and highlight the complexity of family dynamics in times of crisis.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment of silence after Ruby's offer to stay and help, allowing the weight of her decision to settle in before Leo reacts. This could heighten the emotional stakes of the scene.
  • Explore Leo's character further by giving him a line that reveals his deeper feelings about Ruby's decision. Perhaps he could express fear of losing her to the boat or frustration at being left behind.
  • Incorporate more sensory details to enhance the setting. Describe the food on the table, the sounds of the family eating, or the atmosphere in the room to create a more vivid scene.
  • Give Jackie a more active role in the conversation. Allow her to voice her concerns about Ruby's decision, which would add complexity to her character and the family dynamic.
  • Consider using body language and facial expressions to convey the characters' emotions more subtly. For example, Ruby's excitement could be contrasted with Leo's frustration through their physical reactions.



Scene 48 -  A Moment of Connection
INT. ROSSI HOME - RUBY’S ROOM - NIGHT

Ruby lies in bed, headphones on, listening to “Both Sides
Now.” Jackie enters, sets a shopping bag down.

JACKIE
Don’t kill me. I bought you a red
dress for your concert. If you
don’t like it, you don’t have to
wear it.

Ruby makes a face. Jackie lingers.

JACKIE (CONT'D)
I’m really glad you’re staying.

RUBY
Leo isn’t.

JACKIE
It’s complicated. He feels left
out.

RUBY
That’s crazy. It’s always the three
of you and then me.

JACKIE
I get it.

They take each other in for a beat.


RUBY
(genuine)
Do you ever wish I was deaf?

Jackie sits on the edge of the bed. She thinks for a long
moment before she speaks.

JACKIE
When you were born, at the
hospital, they gave you a hearing
test. And there you were, so tiny
and sweet, with these electrodes
all over you. And I... prayed that
you would be deaf. When they told
us that you were hearing, I felt...
my heart sank.

RUBY
Why?

JACKIE
I was worried that we wouldn’t
connect. Like me and my mom, we’re
not close. I thought I would fail
you. That being deaf would make me
a bad mom.

RUBY
Don’t worry. You are a bad mom for
so many other reasons.

Jackie smiles.

JACKIE
I know I drive you crazy, with the
clothes, the makeup. But honestly,
I’m happy that you know who you
are. You’re brave. Not like me.

Ruby hugs her. It’s been a long time since she’s hugged her
mom like this. Ruby folds into Jackie’s lap like a little
kid. Jackie strokes her hair.
Genres: ["Drama","Family"]

Summary In Ruby's bedroom, Jackie surprises Ruby with a red dress for her concert, but Ruby feels disconnected and expresses her feelings of being an outsider. They discuss Leo's jealousy and Jackie shares her fears about not connecting with Ruby due to her hearing. This leads to a heartfelt exchange where Ruby reassures Jackie, culminating in a rare hug that symbolizes their emotional bond and understanding.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Authentic dialogue
  • Character development
Weaknesses
  • Limited plot progression
  • Low external conflict

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9.2

The scene is beautifully crafted, delving into the emotional depth of the characters and their relationship. The dialogue is poignant, and the interaction between Ruby and Jackie is heartfelt and authentic.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of exploring the complex mother-daughter relationship and the fears and regrets they hold is compelling. The scene effectively delves into the emotional core of the characters and their dynamic.

Plot: 8.5

While the scene doesn't significantly advance the main plot, it adds depth to the characters and their relationships, providing insight into Ruby and Jackie's inner struggles and fears.

Originality: 9

The scene explores a unique and sensitive topic of parental expectations and acceptance in a heartfelt and honest way. The characters' dialogue feels authentic and relatable, adding to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9.5

The characters of Ruby and Jackie are richly developed in this scene, with their vulnerabilities and complexities shining through. Their emotional journey and the depth of their relationship are portrayed with authenticity.

Character Changes: 8

Both Ruby and Jackie experience emotional growth and vulnerability in this scene, deepening their bond and understanding of each other.

Internal Goal: 9

Ruby's internal goal in this scene is to feel understood and accepted by her mother, Jackie. She wants to connect with her on a deeper level and express her true feelings.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to navigate her relationship with her mother and address the underlying tensions between them.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 3

The conflict in the scene is more internal and emotional, focusing on the fears and regrets of the characters rather than external conflicts.

Opposition: 6

The opposition in the scene is subtle but impactful, with the underlying tensions between Ruby and Jackie creating a sense of conflict and emotional complexity.

High Stakes: 2

The stakes in the scene are more personal and emotional, focusing on the relationship between Ruby and Jackie and their inner struggles.

Story Forward: 6

While the scene doesn't significantly move the main plot forward, it adds depth to the characters and their relationships, providing important emotional context.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected emotional revelations and honest conversations between the characters. The audience is kept on their toes by the raw and authentic dialogue.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the struggle between acceptance and expectations in a parent-child relationship. Jackie's desire for Ruby to be deaf reflects her own fears and insecurities about motherhood.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9.5

The scene has a high emotional impact, drawing the audience into the intimate and vulnerable moment between Ruby and Jackie. The raw emotions and heartfelt conversation resonate strongly.

Dialogue: 9.2

The dialogue in the scene is poignant and heartfelt, capturing the emotional depth of the characters' conversation. The exchanges between Ruby and Jackie are raw and honest, adding layers to their relationship.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the emotional intensity and vulnerability displayed by the characters. The audience is drawn into the intimate and heartfelt conversation between Ruby and Jackie.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and emotional depth, allowing the audience to fully engage with the characters' feelings and motivations.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and concise, following the expected format for a dialogue-heavy domestic scene.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows a natural progression of dialogue and character interactions, effectively conveying the emotional depth of the relationship between Ruby and Jackie.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures a moment of vulnerability and connection between Ruby and Jackie, showcasing their complex mother-daughter relationship. The dialogue feels authentic and relatable, particularly in the way Ruby expresses her feelings about being the only hearing member of the family.
  • Jackie's admission about her initial hopes for Ruby's deafness adds depth to her character and highlights her insecurities as a mother. This revelation creates an emotional weight that resonates with the audience, making the scene impactful.
  • The use of the song 'Both Sides Now' as Ruby listens in bed serves as a poignant backdrop, reinforcing the themes of perspective and connection. However, the scene could benefit from a more explicit connection between the song's lyrics and the dialogue, enhancing the emotional resonance.
  • The pacing of the scene is generally good, but it could be tightened in places. For instance, some of the dialogue exchanges could be more concise to maintain the emotional intensity without losing the essence of the conversation.
  • The humor in Ruby's playful jab about Jackie being a bad mom for other reasons lightens the mood effectively, but it might overshadow the emotional gravity of the previous moment. Balancing humor with the serious undertones could enhance the overall impact.
Suggestions
  • Consider incorporating specific references to the lyrics of 'Both Sides Now' to deepen the thematic connection between the song and Ruby's feelings about her family dynamics.
  • Tighten the dialogue by removing any redundant phrases or words that do not add to the emotional weight of the conversation, ensuring that each line serves a purpose.
  • Explore the physicality of the characters more; for example, describe Ruby's body language as she listens to the music or reacts to Jackie's comments, which can add layers to their emotional exchange.
  • Introduce a visual element that reflects Ruby's internal struggle, such as a framed photo of her family or a piece of art that symbolizes her feelings about being the only hearing member, to enhance the scene's emotional depth.
  • Consider ending the scene with a more definitive emotional beat, perhaps by having Ruby express a desire for more connection or understanding, leaving the audience with a lingering sense of hope or tension.



Scene 49 -  Tides of Frustration
EXT. BEACH - EVENING

Leo sits on a rock, looking out at the water. Ruby walks
toward him. Leo sees her. She waves, joins him.

RUBY
You hiding?

LEO
Not very well.


Leo hops down, walking away from her. Ruby chases him down.

RUBY
You still mad at me?

LEO
You can’t fish full time.

RUBY
Why not?

LEO
Gertie told me that you can really
sing. That’s special.
(beat)
You can’t stay here. They’ll keep
looking to you for everything.

RUBY
What else am I supposed to do?

Leo erupts, his frustration exploding.

LEO
Let me do this! I got this! I’m the
older brother and I get treated
like a baby. I haven’t been able to
do a thing with Fresh Catch!

RUBY
Because it all involves talking to
hearing people!

LEO
So what? Who cares! You’re so
afraid that we’ll look stupid. Let
them figure out how to deal with
deaf people! We’re not helpless!
(beat)
Our family was fine before you were
born. Go!

Ruby is at a loss for how to respond. She knows they’ll be
fine. It’s not them she’s worried about.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary On a serene beach at dusk, Leo sits on a rock, grappling with his feelings of frustration towards his sister Ruby, who approaches him to discuss her desire to fish full-time. Their conversation escalates into a heated argument, revealing Leo's wish for independence and Ruby's struggle to balance her aspirations with family expectations. As tensions rise, both characters leave feeling misunderstood, with Ruby feeling lost and unsure of how to respond to Leo's outburst.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Character conflict
  • Realistic dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Some repetitive dialogue
  • Lack of resolution

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively portrays the escalating tension and emotional turmoil within the family, with strong performances and impactful dialogue.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of family conflict and the struggle for individuality is effectively explored, adding depth to the characters and storyline.

Plot: 8

The plot advances through the exploration of Ruby and Leo's conflicting desires for independence and their roles within the family.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh perspective on the challenges faced by deaf individuals in a hearing world, with authentic dialogue and emotional depth that sets it apart.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters of Ruby and Leo are well-developed, with their conflicting emotions and desires driving the emotional core of the scene.

Character Changes: 8

Both Ruby and Leo undergo significant emotional changes during the scene, challenging their perceptions of themselves and their family roles.

Internal Goal: 8

Leo's internal goal is to prove himself as capable and independent, especially in the eyes of his younger sister Ruby.

External Goal: 7

Leo's external goal is to assert his independence and ability to run the family business, Fresh Catch, without relying on Ruby.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between Ruby and Leo is intense and emotionally charged, driving the scene's tension and drama.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting desires and beliefs between Leo and Ruby creating a compelling dynamic that drives the narrative forward.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high as Ruby and Leo confront their desires for independence and the impact on their family dynamic.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by deepening the conflict and character dynamics, setting the stage for further developments.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable in the sense that the audience is unsure of how Leo and Ruby's conflict will be resolved, adding tension and intrigue to the scene.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene is the tension between Leo's desire for independence and Ruby's protective nature towards him, stemming from their differing beliefs on how to navigate the hearing world as deaf individuals.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions from the audience, particularly in the portrayal of familial conflict and the characters' internal struggles.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue effectively conveys the emotional turmoil and resentment between Ruby and Leo, adding depth to their characters and the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to the emotional intensity and conflict between the characters, drawing the reader into their struggles and motivations.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and emotional intensity, keeping the reader engaged and invested in the characters' struggles.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear dialogue and scene descriptions that enhance the reader's understanding.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a natural progression of conflict and resolution, fitting the expected structure for a dramatic interaction between characters.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the tension between Ruby and Leo, showcasing their sibling dynamics and differing perspectives on responsibility and independence. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtext to deepen the emotional stakes. For instance, Leo's frustration could be more nuanced, revealing not just anger but also fear of inadequacy in the family business.
  • The pacing of the scene feels rushed, particularly during Leo's outburst. Allowing for more pauses and beats could enhance the emotional weight of his words and give Ruby's reactions more time to resonate with the audience. This would also help to build tension before the eruption, making it feel more impactful.
  • While the setting of the beach is visually appealing, it could be used more effectively to reflect the characters' emotional states. For example, the sound of the waves could symbolize the turmoil in their relationship, or the fading light could mirror the uncertainty Ruby feels about her future.
  • The dialogue is straightforward but lacks a layer of complexity that could make it more engaging. For instance, instead of Leo simply stating, 'You can’t fish full time,' he could express his feelings about Ruby's talent in a way that reveals his own insecurities, making the conflict more relatable.
  • The ending of the scene leaves Ruby at a loss, which is effective, but it could be strengthened by showing a physical reaction or a moment of reflection that illustrates her internal struggle. This would provide a clearer emotional takeaway for the audience.
Suggestions
  • Incorporate more subtext in the dialogue to reveal deeper emotions and motivations behind Leo's frustration and Ruby's defensiveness. This could involve using metaphors or references to their past experiences.
  • Slow down the pacing during key moments, especially during Leo's outburst. Allow for pauses that let the weight of his words sink in, giving Ruby time to process and react.
  • Utilize the beach setting more symbolically. Consider adding descriptions of the environment that reflect the characters' emotional states, such as the changing tides or the setting sun.
  • Enhance the complexity of the dialogue by having Leo express his feelings about Ruby's talent in a way that reveals his own fears or insecurities, making the conflict more relatable and layered.
  • Show Ruby's internal struggle more explicitly at the end of the scene. This could be achieved through a physical reaction, such as her body language or a moment of silence that conveys her confusion and concern for her family's future.



Scene 50 -  A Disheartening Performance
INT. HIGH SCHOOL - AUDITORIUM - DAY

Ruby peeks through the curtain, watching her parents find
their seats. Bernardo bustles around, getting kids in place.
As a boy passes, Bernardo pulls off his Red Sox hat.


BERNARDO
We are not at Fenway, my friend.
You must be ready to walk on stage
in two minutes or you are not
performing!

Ruby looks nervous.


INT. HIGH SCHOOL - AUDITORIUM - DAY

Frank, Jackie and Leo sit in the audience, looking around,
taking in the other families. Gertie walks in and slides into
the seat next to Leo. Bernardo comes on stage.

BERNARDO
Good evening, ladies and gentlemen!
For those of you who don’t know,
I’m Bernardo Villalobos, the
choirmaster. Most of these kids
call me Mr. V... to my face, I
don’t know what they call me behind
my back!

The crowd laughs. Jackie notices. She nudges Leo.

JACKIE
Can you read his lips?

Leo shakes his head “no.” Jackie looks back to the stage.

BERNARDO
But I am very proud of this group.
They have worked hard. So, I will
shut up now and let you see your
children, which is what you came
for...

The Choir busts out with “I’ve Got the Music in Me" by Kiki
Dee. Frank and Jackie watch Ruby with pride.

JACKIE
Ruby looks beautiful.

FRANK
You have good taste.

JACKIE
I like how her dress matches the
curtains.

Gertie signs to Leo that Ruby’s good. Leo nudges his mom.


LEO
She’s good.

JACKIE
No idea.

LEO
No, she said.

JACKIE
Oh!

The audience claps, dances in their seats. Frank and Jackie
look around. Trying to participate, they clap along.

Leo laces fingers with Gertie. They sit there, holding hands,
both newbies to this kind of intimacy.

The Choir sings “Starman” by David Bowie. Ruby watches her
parents in the audience. Jackie mom picks her nails. Frank
looks around, fiddles with his shirt.

JACKIE (CONT'D)
What’s wrong?

FRANK
My buttons are off.

Jackie sits for a beat, then turns to him again.

JACKIE
What do you want for dinner?

FRANK
Spaghetti.

JACKIE
I’ll have to go to the grocery
store.

Ruby watches this from the stage. They’re clearly bored. Her
heart sinks.
Genres: ["Drama","Family"]

Summary Ruby anxiously observes her parents from backstage as the choir prepares to perform. Despite the energetic introduction by Bernardo and the initial pride expressed by Frank and Jackie, their attention quickly shifts to mundane conversations about dinner, leaving Ruby feeling disappointed and disheartened as she realizes they are disengaged during her performance.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Authentic dialogue
  • Character development
Weaknesses
  • Lack of external conflict
  • Slow pacing in some moments

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively captures the emotional complexity of the characters and their relationships, providing depth and insight into their individual struggles and desires. The dialogue and interactions feel authentic and poignant, creating a compelling narrative.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring family dynamics, communication barriers, and personal aspirations within the context of a choir performance is engaging and well-developed. The scene effectively conveys the complexities of the characters' relationships and individual journeys.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene revolves around the family's attendance at Ruby's choir performance, highlighting their internal conflicts and external challenges. The progression of the scene adds depth to the characters and sets up future developments in the story.

Originality: 8

The scene offers a fresh perspective on a familiar setting, showcasing authentic family interactions and subtle character dynamics.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-defined and multi-dimensional, each grappling with their own struggles and desires. The interactions between Ruby, Frank, Jackie, and Leo reveal layers of complexity and emotional depth, driving the narrative forward.

Character Changes: 8

The scene showcases subtle shifts in the characters' perspectives and relationships, particularly between Ruby and her parents. Their interactions reveal moments of growth, reflection, and understanding, setting the stage for future developments.

Internal Goal: 8

Ruby's internal goal is to impress her parents and prove her talent as a performer. This reflects her desire for validation and acceptance from her family.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to successfully perform in the choir concert. This reflects the immediate challenge of stage fright and the pressure to deliver a good performance.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict in the scene is primarily internal, revolving around the characters' struggles with communication, expectations, and personal growth. The tensions between family members drive the emotional stakes and narrative progression.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene comes from Ruby's internal struggle with stage fright and the external pressure to perform well.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes in the scene are primarily emotional and relational, focusing on the characters' internal struggles and conflicts. The outcome of their interactions and decisions has significant implications for their relationships and personal growth.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by deepening the audience's understanding of the characters' motivations, conflicts, and aspirations. It sets up future plot developments and character arcs, adding layers of complexity to the narrative.

Unpredictability: 6

The scene is somewhat predictable in its focus on a school performance and family dynamics, but still offers moments of surprise and humor.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

There is a philosophical conflict between the characters' perceptions of Ruby's performance. Jackie and Leo have differing opinions on Ruby's abilities, highlighting the subjective nature of talent and success.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, eliciting feelings of sadness, affection, and nostalgia through the characters' struggles and vulnerabilities. The intimate moments and heartfelt interactions resonate with the audience, creating a poignant experience.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is authentic and emotionally resonant, capturing the tensions and vulnerabilities of the characters. The conversations reveal insights into their motivations, fears, and aspirations, adding depth to the scene.

Engagement: 8

This scene is engaging because it captures the tension and anticipation of a live performance, while also exploring the dynamics between family members.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and anticipation leading up to the choir performance, keeping the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene is well-formatted and easy to follow, adhering to the expected format for a screenplay.

Structure: 9

The scene follows a clear structure with distinct character interactions and progression towards the choir performance.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures Ruby's anxiety and the contrast between her performance and her family's engagement. However, the dialogue between Frank and Jackie feels somewhat mundane and detracts from the emotional weight of Ruby's moment on stage. Their conversation about dinner and clothing distracts from the significance of Ruby's performance, making it seem like they are not fully present for her.
  • The use of humor with Bernardo's character is a nice touch, but it could be balanced better with the emotional stakes for Ruby. While it's important to lighten the mood, the humor should not overshadow Ruby's vulnerability and the tension she feels about her family's support.
  • The scene lacks a strong visual representation of Ruby's internal struggle. While we see her parents' reactions, there could be more emphasis on Ruby's perspective—perhaps through close-ups or specific actions that illustrate her feelings of disappointment and longing for their attention.
  • The pacing of the scene feels uneven. The initial buildup with Bernardo and the choir is engaging, but the transition to Ruby's parents' disinterest feels abrupt. A smoother transition could enhance the emotional impact and allow the audience to feel Ruby's heartache more deeply.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more internal monologue or visual cues that reflect Ruby's feelings as she watches her parents. This could include her thoughts about their support or her fears of being overlooked, which would deepen the audience's connection to her character.
  • Revise Frank and Jackie's dialogue to be more reflective of their pride in Ruby while still showing their everyday concerns. This could involve them discussing how proud they are of Ruby's performance while also joking about their dinner plans, creating a balance between the mundane and the significant.
  • Incorporate more physicality into Ruby's performance, such as her body language or facial expressions, to convey her nervousness and desire for her family's attention. This would help the audience empathize with her emotional state.
  • Consider using a visual motif, such as Ruby's dress or the stage lights, to symbolize her feelings of being seen or unseen. This could enhance the thematic depth of the scene and create a more cohesive emotional arc.



Scene 51 -  Silent Serenade
INT. HIGH SCHOOL - AUDITORIUM - LATER

As a song finishes up, Bernardo walks out on stage.

BERNARDO
And now, I have a special treat.
Sometimes you hear a voice. And it
reminds you to keep making music.
Please welcome Miles Patterson and
Ruby Rossi.


Ruby and Miles walk onstage, Miles carrying his guitar. Frank
and Jackie perk up when they see Ruby. This is what they’ve
been waiting for. Miles gives Ruby an encouraging nod and
begins to play.

We view this performance from Frank and Jackie’s perspective.
After the first few bars of music, we hear ONLY SILENCE. They
watch Ruby’s lips move, but no sound comes out.

Miles and Ruby are lost in the song. Frank and Jackie look
around at the enthralled faces in the audience. People wipe
away tears, visibly moved. They stare at their daughter,
watching her mouth open and close, trying to feel what other
people are feeling. A confluence of art and audience.

The song ends and the audience leaps to its feet. Jackie and
Frank clap along with the crowd. Ruby and Miles take a bow.
Genres: ["Drama","Music"]

Summary In a high school auditorium, Bernardo introduces a special performance by Ruby Rossi and Miles Patterson. As Ruby sings silently, her parents, Frank and Jackie, watch with a mix of pride and confusion. The audience, moved by the emotional depth of the performance, responds with a standing ovation, validating Ruby's artistry despite her parents' inability to hear her. The scene captures a bittersweet moment of connection through art, culminating in applause as Ruby and Miles take their bow.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Powerful performance
  • Effective use of silence
Weaknesses
  • Limited dialogue
  • Subtle conflict

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9.2

The scene is beautifully crafted, evoking strong emotions through the performance and the silent reaction of Ruby's parents. It effectively conveys the themes of music, family, and communication.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of using music as a means of communication and emotional connection is powerful and well-executed in the scene. It explores themes of family, talent, and the power of art.

Plot: 8.5

The plot of the scene focuses on Ruby and Miles' performance and the reaction of Ruby's parents, driving the emotional core of the scene. It effectively advances the themes of the screenplay.

Originality: 8

The scene offers a fresh approach to the theme of music and connection, with authentic character actions and dialogue that feel genuine and relatable.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed, with Ruby and her parents showcasing complex emotions and relationships. The scene allows for character growth and exploration of their dynamics.

Character Changes: 7

While there are subtle shifts in the characters' emotions and relationships, the scene primarily focuses on showcasing their existing dynamics and connections through the performance.

Internal Goal: 9

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to connect with the audience through her music and express her emotions. This reflects her deeper desire for validation and recognition for her talent.

External Goal: 8

The protagonist's external goal is to deliver a successful performance and impress the audience. This reflects the immediate challenge of showcasing her musical abilities.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 3

The conflict in the scene is subtle, focusing more on emotional tension and internal struggles rather than external conflicts. It adds depth to the characters and their relationships.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the unexpected silence creating a challenge for the protagonist and adding depth to the emotional conflict.

High Stakes: 6

The stakes in the scene are more emotional and personal, focusing on the characters' relationships and aspirations rather than external conflicts. The outcome of the performance holds significance for the characters.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by highlighting Ruby's talent and passion for music, as well as the impact of her performance on her family. It sets the stage for further character development.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected silence during the performance, creating a moment of tension and surprise for the audience.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the power of music to evoke emotions and create a connection between people. It challenges the protagonist's beliefs about the impact of her art on others.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, eliciting strong feelings of pride, connection, and hope in the audience. The performance and reactions create a poignant and memorable moment.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue in the scene is minimal but impactful, conveying emotions and connections through silence and music. It effectively enhances the themes and character interactions.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its emotional resonance and the tension built around the performance. The audience is invested in the outcome and the characters' reactions.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and emotion, leading to a climactic moment of silence that heightens the impact of the performance.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of the scene is clear and concise, with effective use of scene headings and action lines to guide the reader through the performance.

Structure: 9

The scene follows the expected structure for a performance scene in a screenplay, effectively building tension and emotion leading up to the climax of the song.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the emotional weight of Ruby's performance, emphasizing the disconnect between her experience and her parents' perception. The use of silence to represent Ruby's deafness is a powerful choice, allowing the audience to feel the isolation she experiences while performing.
  • The contrast between the audience's emotional response and Frank and Jackie's inability to hear the music creates a poignant moment that highlights the theme of communication barriers within the family. This juxtaposition deepens the emotional impact of the scene.
  • The visual imagery of the audience wiping away tears while Frank and Jackie struggle to connect with the performance is compelling. It illustrates the broader theme of understanding and connection that runs throughout the screenplay, particularly in the context of Ruby's unique challenges.
  • However, the scene could benefit from a more explicit emotional reaction from Frank and Jackie as they watch Ruby perform. While their initial perk-up is noted, their ongoing emotional journey during the performance could be more vividly portrayed to enhance the audience's connection to their experience.
  • The dialogue is minimal, which works well in this context, but adding a few internal thoughts or expressions from Frank and Jackie could provide deeper insight into their feelings. This would help the audience understand their struggle to connect with Ruby's performance on a more personal level.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding brief internal monologues or expressions from Frank and Jackie during the performance to convey their emotional journey more clearly. This could help the audience empathize with their struggle to connect with Ruby's art.
  • Explore the use of visual metaphors or symbols during the performance that could represent Ruby's journey and her family's challenges. This could enhance the emotional depth of the scene.
  • Incorporate subtle physical reactions from Frank and Jackie as they watch Ruby perform, such as tears welling up in their eyes or a moment of realization that they are missing out on something profound. This would add layers to their emotional response.
  • Ensure that the audience's reactions are varied and include a mix of emotions, not just tears. Some audience members could be smiling or nodding along, which would create a more dynamic atmosphere and emphasize the impact of Ruby's performance.
  • Consider ending the scene with a moment of connection between Ruby and her parents after the performance, even if it's non-verbal. This could provide a sense of hope and reconciliation, reinforcing the theme of family connection despite challenges.



Scene 52 -  A Comical Misunderstanding
INT. HIGH SCHOOL - AUDITORIUM - LOBBY - AFTERNOON

Families stream out of the concert hall. Ruby and her family
make their way out. They pass Bernardo, with his wife, TANYA
and his daughter, Misha.

TANYA
Hey Ruby, that was lovely.

RUBY
Oh, thanks.

BERNARDO
Bob! Great job! Are these your
parents?

RUBY
Yeah, Frank and Jackie. And this is
my brother Leo.
(to her parents)
This is my teacher, Mr. V. And his
family.

Ruby’s family waves hello. Then Bernardo signs.

BERNARDO
Nice to fuck you.

Ruby’s eyes go wide.

BERNARDO (CONT'D)
I learned that on YouTube. What?
Isn’t that “nice to meet you”?


RUBY
No. Meet is one finger, not two.
See, this is like legs...

She demonstrates the similar signs. Bernardo looks horrified.

BERNARDO
No, no, no! I mean... Oh my God!

FRANK
It’s fine, I get it. Nice to screw
you too.

Bernardo laughs, getting his signed joke.

BERNARDO
These are my kind of parents.
(to Ruby)
Please tell them their daughter is
very talented. And they’re making a
terrible mistake not sending her
off to school.

RUBY
I’ll just do the first part.

Ruby smiles, rolls her eyes and translates.

BERNARDO
I’m meeting Miles at his audition
tomorrow. You still have your slot,
if you change your mind.

RUBY
You have to stop.
(signing and speaking)
But thank you.
Genres: ["Drama","Comedy"]

Summary After a concert performance, Ruby introduces her family to her teacher, Bernardo, in the lobby of a high school auditorium. A humorous misunderstanding occurs when Bernardo mistakenly signs 'nice to fuck you' instead of 'nice to meet you,' leading to laughter and embarrassment. Ruby corrects him, and Bernardo praises her talent, encouraging her to audition with Miles. Ruby politely declines the offer, maintaining a warm and respectful atmosphere among the families.
Strengths
  • Humorous interaction
  • Character depth
  • Cultural exploration
Weaknesses
  • Limited character development
  • Lack of major plot progression

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.2

The scene effectively combines humor, sentiment, and tension, providing a light-hearted moment amidst the family drama. The interaction between characters is engaging and adds depth to the relationships portrayed.


Story Content

Concept: 8.3

The concept of miscommunication and cultural differences is effectively explored in the scene, adding depth to the characters and highlighting the challenges they face. The scene's focus on talent, family dynamics, and decision-making enhances the overall concept.

Plot: 8

The plot is subtly advanced through the interaction between characters, particularly in showcasing Ruby's talent and the family's conflicting views on her future. The scene adds layers to the overall narrative by introducing tension and humor.

Originality: 8.5

The scene introduces a fresh take on miscommunication through sign language, adding a unique and comedic element to the interaction.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters are well-developed, with distinct personalities and motivations. The scene allows for moments of vulnerability, humor, and pride, deepening the audience's connection to the characters. The dialogue reflects the characters' relationships and dynamics effectively.

Character Changes: 7

The scene does not involve significant character changes but allows for moments of vulnerability and reflection, particularly in Ruby's interactions with her family and teacher.

Internal Goal: 8

Ruby's internal goal is to navigate social interactions with her family and teacher in a humorous and light-hearted manner.

External Goal: 7.5

Ruby's external goal is to maintain her composure and handle the awkward situation with Bernardo gracefully.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

The conflict in the scene is primarily centered around miscommunication and differing perspectives on Ruby's future. While there is tension and disagreement, it is resolved in a light-hearted and humorous manner.

Opposition: 7.5

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create tension and humor, keeping the audience engaged in the interaction.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes in the scene are moderate, focusing on Ruby's future and the family's conflicting views on her talent and aspirations. While there is tension and disagreement, the resolution is not high-stakes.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing new dynamics and conflicts within the family, particularly regarding Ruby's decision about attending music school. It sets the stage for future developments and resolutions.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected miscommunication and comedic twists in the dialogue.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict is between the miscommunication caused by sign language and spoken language, highlighting the importance of clear communication.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7.5

The scene evokes a range of emotions, including embarrassment, pride, and humor. The audience is likely to feel connected to the characters and their struggles, adding depth to the overall narrative.

Dialogue: 8.2

The dialogue is engaging, capturing the humor, sentiment, and tension present in the scene. The use of sign language adds a unique element to the conversation, highlighting the characters' communication challenges and cultural differences.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its comedic elements, witty dialogue, and humorous misunderstandings that keep the audience entertained.

Pacing: 8.5

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a good rhythm in the dialogue and interactions that contribute to its comedic effectiveness.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and easy to follow, adhering to the expected format for a screenplay.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with well-paced dialogue and interactions, fitting the expected format for a comedic screenplay.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures a light-hearted moment following an emotionally charged performance, providing a nice contrast to the previous tension. However, the humor derived from the misunderstanding of sign language feels somewhat forced and could detract from the emotional weight of Ruby's performance. It may come off as trivializing the significance of communication within the deaf community.
  • The dialogue flows naturally, but the comedic misunderstanding could benefit from a more subtle approach. Instead of a direct and explicit joke, consider incorporating a more nuanced misunderstanding that allows for humor without undermining the characters' depth or the significance of the moment.
  • Ruby's reaction to Bernardo's mistake is appropriate, showcasing her role as a bridge between her family and the hearing world. However, the scene could delve deeper into her feelings about her family's perception of her talent and the pressure she feels to pursue music. This would add layers to her character and enhance the emotional stakes.
  • The scene introduces Bernardo's family, but they remain underdeveloped. Providing a brief interaction or insight into their dynamic could enrich the scene and create a more rounded portrayal of Bernardo as a character, rather than just a comedic figure.
  • The pacing of the scene is brisk, which works well for the comedic elements. However, it might benefit from a moment of reflection after the humor, allowing Ruby to process the compliment from Bernardo about her talent and the implications of his suggestion to pursue further opportunities.
Suggestions
  • Consider reworking the misunderstanding to be more subtle, perhaps by having Bernardo misinterpret a sign that is less explicit, allowing for humor without overshadowing the emotional significance of the moment.
  • Add a brief moment where Ruby reflects on her performance and her parents' reactions, enhancing the emotional depth of the scene and providing insight into her internal struggles.
  • Introduce a line or two that hints at Bernardo's family dynamics, perhaps through a quick exchange that showcases their support or humor, making them feel more integrated into the scene.
  • After the humorous exchange, allow for a moment of silence or a pause where Ruby can absorb the compliment about her talent, reinforcing her journey and the weight of her decisions regarding her future.
  • Consider adding a visual element that emphasizes the contrast between the light-heartedness of the moment and the emotional weight of Ruby's performance, such as a lingering shot of Ruby's face reflecting her mixed feelings.



Scene 53 -  Under the Stars
EXT. ROSSI HOME - DRIVEWAY - NIGHT

The Rossi family exits the car and heads toward the house.
Frank peels off.

FRANK
I’m going to get some air.

Ruby starts to head inside, then thinks better of it. She
joins her dad, sitting on the tailgate of the truck.

RUBY
What are you doing?


FRANK
Just thinking.

Frank gestures up to the sky.

FRANK (CONT'D)
Stars don’t look half as good on
land as they do out on the water.

They sit for a moment.

FRANK (CONT'D)
The song you sang tonight. What was
it about?

RUBY
I guess it’s about sacrifice. What
it means to need someone else.

FRANK
Can you sing it for me?

RUBY
What, now?

FRANK
Please.

Ruby hesitates, then starts to sing quietly.

RUBY
(singing)
Like the sweet morning dew, I took
one look at you. And it was plain
to see, you were my destiny. With
my arms open wide, I threw away my
pride. I'll sacrifice for you,
dedicate my life for you --

FRANK
Louder!

Ruby sings louder. Frank lays his hand on her throat to feel
the vibrations. As the song continues, Ruby’s voice becomes
clear and resonant, drifting up into the night.

RUBY
(singing)
I will go, where you lead, always
there in time of need. And when I
lose my will, you'll be there to
push me up the hill --


Frank moves his hands around on her neck to find her voice.
He closes his eyes - that’s it. He can feel it. He moves his
hand to her plexus, “listening.”

RUBY (CONT'D)
(singing)
There's no, no looking back for us.
We got love sure 'nough, that's
enough. You're all, you're all I
need to get by.

Frank opens his eyes. He takes in his daughter. He kisses
Ruby on the forehead. She leans into her dad and they look up
at the night sky.


INT. ROSSI HOME - RUBY’S ROOM - EARLY MORNING

The sun’s coming up. Frank shakes a disoriented Ruby awake.

RUBY
(confused)
Are we fishing?

FRANK
No.


EXT. ROSSI HOME - DRIVEWAY - MORNING

Ruby’s whole family scrambles excitedly into the car.

RUBY
(signed and spoken)
You guys this is ridiculous.

JACKIE
If we’re kicking you out, we’re all
doing it together.
Genres: ["Drama","Family"]

Summary In the Rossi home driveway at night, Frank and Ruby share a tender moment after returning from an outing. Frank, captivated by the stars, asks Ruby to sing a song she performed earlier. Initially hesitant, Ruby eventually sings, creating a deep emotional connection between them as Frank physically engages with her voice. The scene concludes with a kiss on Ruby's forehead, transitioning to the next morning where the family prepares for another outing together.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
  • Authenticity of relationships
Weaknesses
  • Limited plot progression
  • Low external conflict

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9.2

The scene is beautifully crafted, focusing on the emotional connection between Frank and Ruby. The use of music and silence enhances the intimacy of the moment, providing a touching and reflective atmosphere.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of exploring the father-daughter relationship under the stars is compelling and well-executed. The scene effectively conveys the emotional connection between the characters through music and silence.

Plot: 8.5

While the scene does not significantly advance the main plot, it serves as a crucial moment of character development and emotional depth, particularly for Frank and Ruby.

Originality: 8

The scene offers a fresh approach to exploring family dynamics and emotional expression through music. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and genuine.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters of Frank and Ruby are portrayed with depth and authenticity, showcasing their emotional bond and individual vulnerabilities. The scene allows for a deeper understanding of their relationship.

Character Changes: 8

While there is not a significant change in the characters' dynamics, the scene deepens the emotional connection between Frank and Ruby, showcasing their bond and mutual understanding.

Internal Goal: 9

Ruby's internal goal is to connect with her father on a deeper level and express her emotions through music. This reflects her need for validation and understanding from her family.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to spend quality time with her family and share a meaningful moment with her father. This reflects the immediate circumstances of their bonding time together.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 2

The scene is low on conflict, focusing more on emotional depth and character interaction rather than external tensions.

Opposition: 6

The opposition in the scene is minimal, with the focus on emotional connection rather than external conflict.

High Stakes: 3

The stakes are low in this scene, focusing more on personal relationships and emotional intimacy rather than external conflicts or high-risk situations.

Story Forward: 7

The scene does not propel the main plot forward significantly but adds depth to the characters and their relationships, providing essential emotional context for future developments.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected emotional depth and vulnerability displayed by the characters.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict is between the importance of sacrifice and dedication in relationships. This challenges Ruby's beliefs about love and commitment.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9.5

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking feelings of warmth, love, and vulnerability. The tender moment between Frank and Ruby resonates with the audience.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is poignant and heartfelt, effectively conveying the emotions and thoughts of the characters. The use of silence and music enhances the communication between Frank and Ruby.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the emotional depth, intimate character moments, and the genuine connection between Ruby and her father.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene enhances its emotional impact, allowing moments of reflection and connection to resonate with the audience.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings, dialogue formatting, and character actions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a natural progression of events and character interactions, maintaining a cohesive narrative flow.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures a tender moment between Ruby and Frank, showcasing their emotional bond through music. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtext to deepen the emotional impact. For instance, instead of Ruby simply stating the song is about sacrifice, she could reflect on her personal struggles, making the moment feel more intimate and relatable.
  • The physicality of Frank feeling the vibrations of Ruby's voice is a powerful visual element that emphasizes their connection. However, it might be enhanced by incorporating more sensory details, such as the sounds of the night or the feeling of the cool air, to create a more immersive atmosphere.
  • The transition from the emotional moment to the morning scene feels abrupt. While it serves to show the passage of time, it could be smoother. Consider adding a brief moment of silence or reflection after the song before cutting to the next scene, allowing the audience to absorb the emotional weight of the moment.
  • Ruby's initial hesitation to sing could be expanded upon. This moment of vulnerability is crucial and could be emphasized with more internal conflict or a flashback to a previous performance where she felt judged or insecure, adding depth to her character.
  • The dialogue in the morning scene feels somewhat disconnected from the emotional weight of the previous scene. While it introduces a light-hearted tone, it might benefit from a line that acknowledges the previous night's connection, reinforcing the theme of family support.
Suggestions
  • Add more subtext to Ruby's dialogue about the song, allowing her to express her personal feelings and struggles related to sacrifice and connection.
  • Incorporate sensory details to enhance the atmosphere, such as the sounds of the night or the feeling of the cool air, to create a more immersive experience for the audience.
  • Consider adding a moment of silence or reflection after Ruby finishes singing before transitioning to the morning scene, allowing the audience to fully absorb the emotional impact.
  • Expand on Ruby's hesitation to sing by including internal conflict or a brief flashback to a past performance, deepening her character's vulnerability.
  • Include a line in the morning scene that acknowledges the emotional connection from the previous night, reinforcing the theme of family support and continuity.



Scene 54 -  Facing the Stage Alone
INT. ROSSI CAR - MOVING - DAY

Frank drives. Ruby looks out of the back window. She watches
the New England landscape pass.

She pulls out her phone, TEXTS BERNARDO: I’m coming.


EXT. HIGHWAY - DAY

The car speeds along the highway. Frank drives as Jackie
navigates on her phone. The skyline of Boston appears before
them.


EXT. BERKLEE MUSIC HALL - DAY

The Rossis pull up in front of Berklee. They jump out of the
car. They look around at the bustle of the city.

FRANK
I’m gonna park.

Frank jumps back in the car as Jackie, Ruby and Leo run for
the entrance.


INT. BERKLEE MUSIC HALL - CHECK IN - DAY

Ruby enters the lobby for her audition. She takes in the
other kids, dressed in recital attire. She feels out of place
in her shabby sweater.

RUBY
Look how they’re dressed.

JACKIE
It’s fine. You look pretty.

She is greeted by a female STUDENT at a check-in table.

RUBY
Hey, I’m here for my audition.

STUDENT
Okay, what’s your name?

RUBY
Ruby Rossi.

STUDENT
It looks like you’re about half an
hour late. Are you ready to go?

Ruby nods. The student looks past her at Ruby’s family.

RUBY
We roll deep.

STUDENT
Your family can’t go in with you.

Ruby signs to her family.

RUBY
You can’t go in.

Jackie shoots a death look at the girl.
Genres: ["Drama","Family"]

Summary As the Rossi family arrives at Berklee Music Hall for Ruby's audition, excitement fills the air, but Ruby feels insecure about her appearance compared to the other auditioning kids. After checking in, she learns she is late and that her family cannot accompany her inside, leading to a moment of anxiety as she signals to them to stay outside. The scene captures the tension between Ruby's eagerness and her feelings of inadequacy, highlighting the family's supportive yet strained dynamic.
Strengths
  • Strong emotional impact
  • Authentic family dynamics
  • Effective portrayal of character growth
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue could be more impactful
  • Limited external conflict

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively captures the tension and emotions of Ruby's audition while incorporating moments of humor and family support.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of Ruby's audition and the family's support adds depth to the storyline, highlighting themes of ambition, family bonds, and self-discovery.

Plot: 8

The plot progresses as Ruby faces a significant moment in her journey, setting up potential character growth and future conflicts.

Originality: 7

The scene introduces a familiar setting of a music audition but adds originality through the nuanced interactions between the characters, particularly in Ruby's struggle for acceptance and her family's support.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters are well-developed, with Ruby's nervousness and determination shining through, and the family dynamics adding layers to the scene.

Character Changes: 8

Ruby undergoes a subtle but significant change as she faces her fears and gains confidence in her abilities.

Internal Goal: 8

Ruby's internal goal in this scene is to feel confident and accepted despite feeling out of place. This reflects her deeper need for validation and belonging.

External Goal: 7

Ruby's external goal in this scene is to successfully audition at Berklee Music Hall. This reflects the immediate challenge she is facing in pursuing her passion for music.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

The conflict is more internal and emotional in this scene, with Ruby facing her fears and doubts about the audition.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, as Ruby faces both internal doubts and external challenges that threaten her audition success, creating suspense and conflict.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are high for Ruby as she faces her audition, representing a pivotal moment in her journey.

Story Forward: 7

While the scene focuses more on character development, it sets up potential future storylines and character arcs.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the tension between Ruby's internal struggles and the external challenges she faces, keeping the audience guessing about the outcome of her audition.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict in this scene is the clash between Ruby's sense of self-worth and the judgment she perceives from the other kids at the audition. This challenges her beliefs about fitting in and being accepted for who she is.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions, particularly in Ruby's vulnerability and the family's support, resonating with the audience.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue effectively conveys the emotions and relationships between the characters, though some moments could be more impactful.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the emotional stakes involved in Ruby's audition, the dynamic interactions between the characters, and the sense of anticipation as the story unfolds.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and emotion, moving seamlessly between the different locations and character interactions to maintain the audience's interest.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with clear scene headings, action lines, and dialogue formatting that enhance readability.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a character-driven drama, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution that advance the narrative.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures Ruby's anxiety and feelings of inadequacy as she prepares for her audition, which is a crucial moment in her character arc. However, the dialogue could be more dynamic to reflect the tension and excitement of the moment. Ruby's line about the other kids' attire is relatable, but it could be enhanced with more emotional depth or humor to better convey her insecurity.
  • The interaction between Ruby and the check-in student is functional but lacks tension. The student's line about Ruby being late could be more impactful if it included a hint of judgment or surprise, emphasizing Ruby's feelings of being out of place. This would heighten the stakes for Ruby as she faces the audition.
  • Jackie's protective nature is evident, but her 'death look' at the check-in girl feels somewhat clichéd. Instead, consider showing her frustration through more subtle body language or dialogue that reflects her concern for Ruby without resorting to overt hostility. This would add complexity to her character and the family dynamic.
  • The pacing of the scene feels rushed, particularly as they transition from the car to the audition. A moment of pause or reflection from Ruby as she steps into the Berklee Music Hall could enhance the emotional weight of the scene, allowing the audience to fully grasp her internal struggle.
  • The setting of Berklee Music Hall is significant, yet it feels underutilized in this scene. Incorporating more sensory details about the environment—such as the sounds of the bustling city or the atmosphere inside the hall—could help immerse the audience in Ruby's experience and amplify her feelings of being overwhelmed.
Suggestions
  • Add a moment of Ruby's internal monologue as she observes the other auditioning kids, which could provide insight into her insecurities and set the emotional tone for the scene.
  • Consider enhancing the dialogue between Ruby and the check-in student to include more tension, perhaps by having the student express surprise at Ruby's late arrival or by making Ruby's response more defensive.
  • Revise Jackie's reaction to the check-in student to be more nuanced, perhaps by having her express concern for Ruby's feelings rather than outright hostility, which would add depth to her character.
  • Include a brief moment where Ruby takes a deep breath or reflects on her journey before entering the audition room, allowing the audience to connect with her emotional state.
  • Incorporate more vivid descriptions of the Berklee Music Hall environment to create a stronger sense of place and enhance the emotional stakes for Ruby as she prepares for her audition.



Scene 55 -  Nerves and Support
INT. BERKLEE MUSIC HALL - WAITING AREA - DAY

Ruby stands outside the auditorium, pacing nervously. She
listens to another VOCALIST SING OPERA. She’s intimidatingly
good. Miles spots Ruby at the end of the hallway and heads
over. They speak in hushed voices.

MILES
Ruby.

RUBY
Hey!

MILES
You came!

RUBY
Is Mr. V here?

MILES
He just left. I can call him.

RUBY
I texted him. How did it go?

MILES
I choked.

RUBY
What?

The MONITOR interrupts them, gestures it’s Ruby’s turn.

MONITOR
Ruby Rossi.

Miles squeezes her hand. Ruby takes a breath and enters.
Genres: ["Drama","Music"]

Summary In the tense waiting area of Berklee Music Hall, Ruby paces anxiously before her audition, listening to an impressive opera performance. She seeks reassurance from Miles, who reveals he choked during his own audition, heightening her anxiety. Their conversation is interrupted when the monitor calls Ruby's name, prompting Miles to squeeze her hand in a gesture of support as she prepares to face the stage.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
  • Intimacy
Weaknesses
  • Lack of external conflict
  • Limited dialogue

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively builds tension and emotion as Ruby prepares for her audition, showcasing her nervousness and the support she receives from Miles and her father. The intimate moment with Frank adds depth to their relationship and sets up a poignant moment for Ruby's performance.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of Ruby's audition serves as a pivotal moment in her character development and the overall narrative, highlighting her passion for music and the support she receives from her family.

Plot: 8

The plot of Ruby's audition adds tension and emotional depth to the story, showcasing her aspirations and the relationships she values. It sets up potential conflicts and resolutions for her character.

Originality: 7

The scene introduces a familiar setting of an audition but adds originality through nuanced character interactions and emotional depth. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue enhances the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters, particularly Ruby and Frank, are well-developed in this scene, with their emotions and relationships driving the narrative forward. The dynamic between Ruby and Miles also adds depth to their connection.

Character Changes: 8

Ruby experiences growth and vulnerability as she prepares for her audition, showcasing her determination and passion for music. The scene sets up potential changes in her character moving forward.

Internal Goal: 8

Ruby's internal goal in this scene is to overcome her nerves and perform well in her audition. This reflects her deeper desire to succeed in her musical career and prove herself.

External Goal: 7

Ruby's external goal is to impress Mr. V, the person in charge of auditions, and secure a spot in the program. This reflects the immediate challenge she is facing in the audition process.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

While there is internal conflict for Ruby in facing her audition, the scene focuses more on emotional tension and anticipation rather than external conflict.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Ruby facing internal doubts and external challenges in the audition process.

High Stakes: 7

While Ruby's audition is important to her, the scene does not have extremely high stakes in terms of external consequences. The focus is more on internal emotions and relationships.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by highlighting Ruby's aspirations and the dynamics within her family. It sets up future conflicts and resolutions for the characters.

Unpredictability: 6

This scene is unpredictable because of the uncertainty surrounding Ruby's performance and the outcome of the audition.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between self-doubt and determination. Ruby's fear of failure and Miles' encouragement represent this conflict, challenging her beliefs and values.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking feelings of nervousness, intimacy, and hopefulness. The audience is likely to empathize with Ruby's journey and emotional state.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue effectively conveys the nervousness and support between Ruby, Miles, and Frank. It sets the tone for the scene and establishes the relationships between the characters.

Engagement: 8

This scene is engaging because of the tension and emotional stakes involved in Ruby's audition. The audience is invested in her success.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene builds tension effectively, leading up to Ruby's audition and creating a sense of anticipation.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with proper scene headings, dialogue formatting, and action descriptions.

Structure: 9

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm contribute to its effectiveness.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures Ruby's anxiety and anticipation before her audition, which is crucial for building tension. However, the pacing could be improved by adding more internal thoughts or feelings from Ruby to deepen the audience's connection to her emotional state.
  • The dialogue between Ruby and Miles is natural and serves to establish their relationship, but it feels somewhat rushed. Expanding their conversation could provide more insight into their characters and the stakes of the audition, enhancing the emotional weight of the moment.
  • The introduction of the MONITOR is abrupt, which can disrupt the flow of the scene. A smoother transition or a brief moment of hesitation from Ruby before the Monitor calls her name could heighten the tension and reflect her internal struggle.
  • While the scene conveys Ruby's nervousness well, it lacks a visual element that could further illustrate her anxiety. Describing her physical actions, such as fidgeting with her clothes or biting her nails, could enhance the visual storytelling.
  • The mention of Mr. V is intriguing but feels underdeveloped. A brief explanation of who he is and why his presence matters to Ruby could add depth to the scene and clarify the stakes for the audience.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a few internal monologue lines for Ruby to express her fears or hopes about the audition, which would help the audience connect with her on a deeper level.
  • Expand the dialogue between Ruby and Miles to include more personal stakes or shared experiences that highlight their friendship and the pressure Ruby feels about the audition.
  • Introduce the MONITOR with a bit more context or description to make the moment feel less abrupt. Perhaps Ruby could glance at the Monitor before being called, heightening her anxiety.
  • Incorporate more physical actions or nervous habits from Ruby to visually convey her anxiety, such as pacing, fiddling with her hair, or taking deep breaths.
  • Provide a brief backstory or context for Mr. V to clarify his significance in Ruby's journey, which could help the audience understand her urgency in wanting to see him.



Scene 56 -  The Jury's Gaze
INT. BERKLEE MUSIC HALL - AUDITORIUM - DAY

A FACULTY JURY, comprised of three JURORS, two men and a
woman, sit in the audience.

FEMALE JURY MEMBER
Hello there. You are?

RUBY
Ruby. Ruby Rossi.


MALE JURY MEMBER
Okay, Ruby Rossi. Looking at your
application, aside from your
involvement in the school choir and
a very nice letter from Bernardo
Villalobos, you don’t have much of
a history with music...

Ruby stares at him, unsure.

RUBY
I don’t understand. Is there a
question?


INT. BERKLEE MUSIC HALL - LOBBY - SAME

Frank, Jackie, and Leo pace. Frank spots a sign - “Balcony.”
He gestures to Jackie and Leo that they should sneak in. They
make sure no one is watching, then slip up the stairs.
Genres: ["Drama","Musical"]

Summary In this tense scene at Berklee Music Hall, Ruby Rossi faces a faculty jury that questions her limited musical experience, leaving her confused and anxious. As she struggles to articulate her background, her friends Frank, Jackie, and Leo plot to sneak into the auditorium to support her from the balcony. The contrasting actions highlight Ruby's vulnerability and the supportive camaraderie of her friends.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
  • Tension building
  • Family dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue could be more impactful
  • Lack of clarity in certain character motivations

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene is well-structured, emotionally impactful, and moves the plot forward significantly. The tension and conflict add depth to the story, while the emotional moments between characters enhance the overall impact.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of Ruby's audition at Berklee Music Hall is engaging and sets up a significant turning point in the story. The scene effectively explores themes of family support, pursuing dreams, and the challenges of following a passion.

Plot: 8.5

The plot of the scene is crucial as it revolves around Ruby's audition, family dynamics, and emotional connections. It advances the story by introducing high stakes and character development.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh approach to the coming-of-age genre by exploring the challenges of pursuing a passion in a competitive environment. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and relatable.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-developed, with each having distinct personalities and motivations. The interactions between characters drive the scene forward and reveal deeper layers of their relationships.

Character Changes: 8

Ruby experiences growth and self-discovery during her audition, while Frank and Ruby's bond deepens through music. These character changes are pivotal in advancing the story and relationships.

Internal Goal: 8

Ruby's internal goal is to prove herself as a musician despite her lack of formal training or experience. This reflects her deeper desire to pursue her passion for music and be accepted by the jury and her peers.

External Goal: 7

Ruby's external goal is to impress the faculty jury and secure a spot in the music program. This reflects the immediate challenge she faces in proving her worth as a musician.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict in the scene is palpable, with tensions running high during Ruby's audition and the family dynamics. The emotional conflicts add depth to the narrative and characters.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the jury questioning Ruby's abilities and background. This creates conflict and raises the stakes for the protagonist.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high during Ruby's audition, as it represents a crucial moment in her pursuit of a music career. The family dynamics and emotional connections add further stakes to the scene.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by introducing key developments, such as Ruby's audition outcome, family dynamics, and emotional connections. It sets the stage for future plot progression.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the jury's reactions and Ruby's unexpected responses. The audience is unsure of the outcome, adding suspense to the narrative.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict is evident in the jury's skepticism towards Ruby's unconventional background in music and her own belief in her talent and passion. This challenges Ruby's values and self-confidence.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, especially during Ruby's audition and the intimate moment between Frank and Ruby. The audience is likely to feel a range of emotions, from tension to heartwarming connections.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue is effective in conveying the tension, emotions, and conflicts within the scene. It reveals the characters' thoughts and feelings, adding depth to their interactions.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the high stakes, relatable characters, and realistic dialogue. The tension keeps the audience invested in Ruby's journey.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene builds tension effectively, with a balance of dialogue and action. The rhythm keeps the audience engaged and invested in the characters' struggles.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with proper scene headings and character cues. The visual descriptions enhance the reader's understanding of the setting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a drama genre, with a clear setup of conflict and character motivations. The pacing and rhythm contribute to its effectiveness.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes Ruby's vulnerability and uncertainty as she faces the faculty jury, which is crucial for building empathy with the audience. However, the dialogue could be more dynamic. The jurors' lines feel somewhat flat and could benefit from more personality or distinctiveness to make them memorable.
  • Ruby's confusion is a strong emotional anchor, but the scene lacks a clear sense of urgency or stakes. The audience needs to feel the weight of this audition for Ruby, and the jurors' questioning could be more probing to heighten the tension. Instead of simply stating her lack of experience, they could ask more challenging questions that force Ruby to confront her insecurities.
  • The parallel action of Frank, Jackie, and Leo sneaking into the auditorium adds a layer of tension and familial support, but it feels somewhat disconnected from Ruby's immediate experience. Integrating their actions more closely with Ruby's audition could enhance the emotional impact. For example, they could overhear part of the jury's questioning, which would heighten the stakes for Ruby.
  • The transition between Ruby's audition and her family's sneaking in could be smoother. The abrupt cut between the two locations may confuse the audience. A visual or auditory cue that links the two scenes could create a more cohesive flow.
  • The scene could benefit from more visual descriptions that convey Ruby's emotional state. For instance, describing her body language, facial expressions, or even the physical environment of the auditorium could enhance the audience's connection to her internal struggle.
Suggestions
  • Consider giving the jurors more distinct personalities through their dialogue. This could make the scene more engaging and allow Ruby's responses to reflect her character more deeply.
  • Add a moment where the jurors ask Ruby a specific question that challenges her, prompting her to articulate her passion for music despite her lack of formal experience. This could create a more dynamic exchange and showcase her determination.
  • Integrate the family's sneaking into the auditorium with Ruby's audition by having them overhear part of the jury's conversation or Ruby's responses, which would create a sense of shared experience and heighten the emotional stakes.
  • Enhance the transition between Ruby's audition and her family's actions by using a visual or auditory cue, such as the sound of Ruby's voice echoing in the auditorium as her family sneaks in, to create a more seamless flow.
  • Incorporate more visual descriptions of Ruby's physical state and the auditorium's atmosphere to convey her anxiety and the significance of the moment, helping the audience to feel her emotional weight more acutely.



Scene 57 -  Finding Her Voice
INT. BERKLEE MUSIC HALL - AUDITORIUM - DAY

Ruby stands awkwardly on stage being questioned.

FEMALE JURY MEMBER
What is your first song today?

RUBY
“Both Sides Now” by Joni Mitchell.

FEMALE JURY MEMBER
Do you have your sheet music?

Ruby freezes.

RUBY
I don’t. I forgot.

The Female Jury Member turns to THE PIANIST.

FEMALE JURY MEMBER
Do you know that song?

The pianist shakes her head “No.”

FEMALE JURY MEMBER (CONT'D)
Alright. You are just going to have
to sing it a cappella.

RUBY
Okay.


Ruby stands there, frozen, as the jury stares back at her.
She clears her throat, preparing to sing. From the back of
the orchestra, a VOICE speaks up.

BERNARDO (O.S.)
I can accompany her.

Bernardo walks down the aisle into the light. He smiles at
Ruby, who is incredibly relieved.

BERNARDO (CONT'D)
Sorry for interrupting. Hi, how are
you? I’m Bernardo Villalobos. Class
of ‘89. Nice to see you all.
(gesturing to the stage)
May I?

FEMALE JURY MEMBER
I guess so.

BERNARDO
Thank you.

The jury members exchange confused glances.

The pianist steps away from the piano and Bernardo takes her
place. He gives Ruby a look - “You can do this.”

He begins to play “Both Sides Now.” Ruby begins to sing. Her
voice is timid, cautious, she’s paralyzed with fear.

RUBY
(singing)
Rows and floes of angel hair and
ice cream castles in the air, and
feather canyons everywhere--

Bernardo deliberately plays the wrong note. Ruby falters.

BERNARDO
So sorry, my mistake. Let’s take it
from the top.

He gives Ruby a hard look - “now or never.” Ruby nods,
understanding. Bernardo starts to play again.

Ruby looks up at the balcony and notices Frank, Jackie and
Leo sneaking into the auditorium. They take their seats
quietly. She glances at the jury to see if they noticed. They
didn’t. She closes her eyes and takes a deep breath.


RUBY
(singing)
Rows and floes of angel hair and
ice cream castles in the air, and
feather canyons everywhere.
I've looked at clouds that way.

She glances up at her family. They smile down at her.

RUBY (CONT'D)
(singing)
But now they only block the sun,
they rain and snow on everyone, so
many things I would have done but
clouds got in my way.

Ruby begins to SIGN, fluidly interpreting the lyrics with her
hands as she sings. The movement releases her voice, which
comes out with increasing purity and resonance.

RUBY (CONT'D)
(singing)
I've looked at clouds from both
sides now, from up and down and
still somehow, it's cloud's
illusions I recall. I really don't
know clouds at all --

Ruby’s voice sails out. Bernardo grins. The jury, surprised,
turns to see who she is signing to.

RUBY (CONT'D)
Moons and Junes and Ferris wheels,
the dizzy dancing way you feel, as
every fairy tale comes real, I've
looked at love that way.

She sings directly to her parents. This is for them. They
watch her, moved and proud.

RUBY (CONT'D)
(singing)
But now it’s just another show, you
leave ‘em laughing when you go. And
if you care, don’t let ‘em know.
Don’t give yourself away. I’ve
looked at love from both sides now.
From give and take and still
somehow, it’s love’s illusions I
recall. I really don’t know love at
all.

Ruby’s song continues as we see the following story unfold --
Genres: ["Drama","Musical"]

Summary In a tense audition at Berklee Music Hall, Ruby nervously prepares to sing 'Both Sides Now' but realizes she has forgotten her sheet music. The jury instructs her to perform a cappella, and Bernardo, a former student, offers to accompany her on piano, easing her anxiety. As she begins to sing, Ruby's timid voice transforms into a powerful performance as she connects emotionally with her family in the audience. The scene culminates in a heartfelt display of her talent, surprising the jury and showcasing her emotional depth.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
  • Musical performance
  • Family dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Minimal external conflict
  • Some dialogue could be more impactful

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9.2

The scene is emotionally charged, well-structured, and pivotal in Ruby's character development. It effectively conveys her internal struggles and showcases her musical talent and growth.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of Ruby facing her fears and showcasing her talent in a high-stakes audition is compelling and well-executed. It explores themes of self-discovery, family support, and artistic expression.

Plot: 9

The plot of the scene revolves around Ruby's audition at Berklee Music Hall, highlighting her growth, struggles, and the support of her family. It advances her character arc and sets up future developments.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh take on the familiar theme of overcoming stage fright and self-doubt through music. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds depth to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters, especially Ruby, Frank, Jackie, and Bernardo, are well-developed and contribute significantly to the emotional depth of the scene. Their relationships and dynamics add richness to the storytelling.

Character Changes: 9

Ruby undergoes significant growth and transformation in the scene, overcoming her fears and doubts to deliver a moving performance. Her relationship with her family and mentor evolves, shaping her future path.

Internal Goal: 9

Ruby's internal goal is to overcome her fear and insecurity in performing in front of the jury. This reflects her deeper need for validation and acceptance as a musician.

External Goal: 8

Ruby's external goal is to successfully perform her song and impress the jury despite the unexpected challenges she faces.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict in the scene is primarily internal, as Ruby grapples with her fears and insecurities. The external conflict is minimal but adds tension to her audition.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Ruby facing unexpected challenges that test her abilities and resolve.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high for Ruby in the audition, as it represents a pivotal moment in her musical career and personal growth. The outcome will impact her future aspirations and relationships.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by advancing Ruby's character arc, deepening her relationships, and setting up future conflicts and resolutions. It marks a crucial turning point in her journey.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected entrance of Bernardo and the tension created by Ruby's performance.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is the idea of overcoming obstacles and taking risks to achieve one's dreams. This challenges Ruby's beliefs about her own abilities and resilience.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9.5

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking feelings of tension, relief, pride, and joy. Ruby's journey and performance resonate deeply with the audience, creating a powerful connection.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is poignant and impactful, conveying the characters' emotions and motivations effectively. The use of sign language and music enhances the communication and adds layers to the interactions.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it captures the audience's attention with its emotional intensity and relatable themes of overcoming obstacles.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, leading to a satisfying resolution.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting adheres to the expected format for a screenplay, clearly delineating dialogue and action sequences.

Structure: 9

The scene follows a well-defined structure for a music audition setting, building tension and resolution effectively.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension and emotional stakes as Ruby prepares to sing at her audition. The initial conflict of forgetting her sheet music creates a relatable moment of anxiety that many viewers can empathize with. However, the transition from panic to relief when Bernardo steps in is somewhat abrupt. While it serves to alleviate Ruby's immediate fear, it could benefit from a more gradual build-up to this moment, allowing the audience to feel the weight of her anxiety longer before the resolution.
  • Ruby's character development is highlighted through her singing, especially when she begins to sign the lyrics. This moment not only showcases her talent but also emphasizes her connection to her family and her identity. However, the jury's reaction to her signing could be more pronounced. Their surprise and eventual engagement with her performance could be elaborated upon to enhance the emotional impact of the scene.
  • The dialogue is functional but lacks depth in the jury's characterization. They come off as somewhat generic and could be given more distinct personalities or reactions to Ruby's performance. This would help to create a more dynamic interaction and make the stakes feel higher for Ruby.
  • The visual elements are strong, particularly the moment when Ruby looks up at her family. This visual connection is powerful and should be emphasized further. Consider adding more descriptive language to capture the expressions on her family's faces and the atmosphere in the auditorium, which would enhance the emotional resonance of the scene.
  • The pacing of the scene is generally good, but the moment when Ruby begins to sing could be drawn out slightly longer to build anticipation. Allowing the audience to sit with her nervousness before she starts singing would heighten the emotional payoff when she finally finds her voice.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment where Ruby takes a deep breath and closes her eyes before she begins to sing, allowing the audience to feel her internal struggle and build anticipation.
  • Enhance the jury's characterization by giving them distinct reactions to Ruby's performance, perhaps through subtle facial expressions or whispered comments to each other, which would add layers to their evaluation.
  • Incorporate more descriptive visuals of Ruby's family as they watch her perform, capturing their pride and emotional investment in her success to deepen the audience's connection to the moment.
  • Explore the possibility of having Bernardo interact with the jury after Ruby's performance, perhaps defending her talent or expressing his pride in her, which would further establish his role as a mentor and ally.
  • Consider extending the moment when Ruby begins to sign the lyrics, allowing the audience to fully appreciate the significance of this act in her performance and its connection to her identity.



Scene 58 -  A New Horizon
EXT. ANGELA ROSE DECK - OPEN OCEAN - DAY

Ruby looks out over the ocean as gulls circle the boat.

On deck, Frank signs furiously at the NEW DECKHAND, showing
this idiot how to correctly sort the fish. The guy looks
cowed. Ruby, watching from the wheelhouse, laughs. She’ll
miss this.


EXT. BEACH - SUNSET

Ruby and Miles sit on a stone wall. Ruby forms his fingers
into letters, teaching him how to sign his name.


EXT. WAREHOUSE - LOADING DOCK - DAY

Frank gives Leo shit as they load boxes of fish into the back
of a new truck. It’s painted with the Fresh Catch logo.


EXT. FARM STAND - DAY

Jackie works alongside the fishermen’s wives, Nina and
Angela, distributing fish at a bustling farmers’ market.
Jackie counts cash. The women joke around. Jackie laughs with
them, now in on the jokes.


INT. PRATTY’S BAR - EVENING

Leo and Frank enter the bar. They are greeted by waves from
the other fishermen. They join them.


INT. ROSSI HOME - LIVING ROOM - DAY

Ruby and her family crowd around the computer. She logs into
the Berklee website to view her ACCEPTANCE STATUS. They wait
anxiously, staring at the screen.


INT./EXT. BERNARDO’S HOUSE - FRONT DOOR - DAY

Ruby bikes up to Bernardo’s house, tossing her bike and
running up the steps. Bernardo opens his door to see Ruby
standing on the stoop. He looks at her nervously, awaiting
the verdict --


INT. ROSSI HOME - LIVING ROOM - DAY

The Rossis lean in as Ruby clicks one last button on her
computer. Her acceptance status pops up on the screen.

She’s IN. She lets out a joyful whoop as Frank, Jackie and
Leo erupt in cheers and celebration.
Genres: ["Drama","Family"]

Summary In this scene, Ruby joyfully observes the ocean while laughing at Frank's struggles to teach a new deckhand. She shares a tender moment with Miles at sunset, teaching him to sign his name. The action shifts to Frank and Leo loading fish at a warehouse, and Jackie engaging with fishermen's wives at a farmers' market. Later, Frank and Leo enjoy camaraderie at a bar. Meanwhile, the Rossi family anxiously awaits Ruby's Berklee acceptance status. The tension peaks when Ruby discovers she has been accepted, leading to a heartfelt celebration with her family, marking a bittersweet farewell to her current life and excitement for the future.
Strengths
  • Strong emotional impact
  • Family unity theme
  • Character growth
Weaknesses
  • Limited conflict
  • Predictable outcome

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively captures the emotional journey of the characters, setting up a new chapter in their lives with a mix of hope, tension, and heartwarming moments.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of family support and personal growth is central to the scene, driving the character interactions and plot progression.

Plot: 8

The plot focuses on Ruby's acceptance to Berklee and the family's reaction, setting up a new direction for the characters and their relationships.

Originality: 8

The scene offers a fresh perspective on the fishing community genre by blending elements of music, family dynamics, and personal aspirations. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and relatable.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters are well-developed, with each member of the Rossi family playing a significant role in supporting Ruby and showcasing their individual growth.

Character Changes: 8

Several characters, especially Ruby, experience growth and change in the scene as they confront new opportunities and challenges, deepening their relationships and personal journeys.

Internal Goal: 9

Ruby's internal goal is to find acceptance and validation, as seen through her pursuit of her dreams and the support of her family and friends.

External Goal: 8

Ruby's external goal is to get accepted into Berklee, a music school, and to succeed in the fishing industry with her family and friends.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

While there are tensions and conflicts within the family, the overall tone of the scene is more hopeful and supportive, focusing on unity and growth.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create tension and uncertainty, particularly in Ruby's pursuit of acceptance and the challenges she faces in balancing her dreams with family expectations.

High Stakes: 7

While the stakes are not extremely high in this scene, the emotional and personal growth of the characters are at stake, shaping their future paths and relationships.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing new developments in Ruby's music career and the family dynamics, setting the stage for future conflicts and resolutions.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable due to the emotional stakes involved in Ruby's acceptance status and the dynamic relationships among the characters. The audience is kept on their toes.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict revolves around the balance between pursuing personal dreams and maintaining family and community ties. Ruby's desire for acceptance at Berklee challenges her loyalty to her family's fishing business.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking feelings of joy, anxiety, and support as the characters navigate new challenges and opportunities.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue effectively conveys the emotions and conflicts within the family, highlighting their relationships and personal struggles.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its emotional depth, relatable characters, and dynamic interactions. The audience is drawn into the characters' journeys and relationships.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene enhances its effectiveness by maintaining a balance between emotional moments and character interactions. It builds tension and anticipation towards Ruby's acceptance status.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene adheres to the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings, descriptions, and character actions. The visual elements are well-defined.

Structure: 9

The scene follows a coherent structure, transitioning smoothly between different locations and character interactions. It maintains a consistent pacing and rhythm.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures a sense of community and familial support, showcasing the Rossi family's dynamics and their individual roles. However, the transitions between different settings feel somewhat abrupt, which can disrupt the flow of the narrative. Each location change could benefit from smoother transitions or connective dialogue to maintain continuity.
  • The use of visual storytelling is strong, particularly in the way Ruby teaches Miles to sign his name, which symbolizes their growing connection. However, the emotional weight of Ruby's acceptance into Berklee could be heightened. The scene could delve deeper into Ruby's internal thoughts and feelings about this pivotal moment, perhaps through a brief voiceover or a moment of reflection before the celebration.
  • While the celebration at the end is joyful, it feels slightly rushed. The buildup to this moment could be enhanced by including more reactions from each family member, allowing the audience to fully absorb the significance of Ruby's acceptance. This would also provide an opportunity to explore the family's hopes and fears regarding her future.
  • The dialogue in the scene is minimal, which works well for the visual storytelling but could be enriched with more character interactions. For instance, a brief exchange between Frank and Jackie about Ruby's future could add depth to their characters and highlight their differing perspectives on her pursuing music.
  • The scene's pacing is uneven, particularly with the quick cuts between different locations. Slowing down the transitions and allowing for more moments of character interaction would create a more immersive experience for the audience.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment of introspection for Ruby before she checks her acceptance status, allowing the audience to connect with her emotions and anxieties about the future.
  • Enhance the transitions between scenes by incorporating dialogue or visual cues that link the different settings, creating a more cohesive narrative flow.
  • Expand the celebration scene to include more dialogue and reactions from each family member, emphasizing their individual hopes and fears regarding Ruby's acceptance into Berklee.
  • Incorporate a brief moment of reflection or a voiceover from Ruby as she contemplates what this acceptance means for her and her family, adding emotional depth to the scene.
  • Slow down the pacing of the scene by allowing for more character interactions and reactions, creating a more immersive experience for the audience.



Scene 59 -  A Leap of Faith
EXT. MANSHIP QUARRY - THE BARGE - DAY

Miles and Ruby sit atop The Barge, looking out.

RUBY
Visit me in Boston?

MILES
You’ll forget about me after two
weeks. Run off with some jazz
drummer who wears a fedora.

RUBY
Obviously.

Ruby laughs. She leans in and gives him a lingering kiss.

RUBY (CONT'D)
Ready?

MILES
Ready.

Together they stand and hold hands. They take a flying leap
off the cliff together. They hit the water with a smack.

After a moment they both emerge, howling to the sky.

RUBY MILES (CONT'D)
OWWWWW! OOOWWWW!
Genres: ["Romance","Drama"]

Summary Miles and Ruby sit atop The Barge, discussing their future as Ruby invites him to visit her in Boston. Miles playfully expresses his insecurities about their relationship, fearing she might forget him. They share a tender kiss, reinforcing their bond, and then, hand in hand, they leap into the water below, emerging with joyful howls, symbolizing their commitment despite uncertainty.
Strengths
  • Romantic chemistry between Miles and Ruby
  • Emotional impact of the scene
  • Symbolism of taking a leap of faith
Weaknesses
  • Limited focus on external conflicts or obstacles

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys the romantic and adventurous tone while showcasing the characters' emotional connection. The dialogue and actions create a sense of hope and joy, making it a memorable and impactful moment in the story.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of two characters taking a leap of faith together, both literally and metaphorically, symbolizes their growing relationship and willingness to embrace new experiences. It adds depth to their characters and the overall narrative.

Plot: 8

The scene contributes to the plot by further developing the relationship between Miles and Ruby, adding a romantic element to the story. It also sets the stage for potential conflicts and resolutions in their budding romance.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh approach to a classic romantic moment by adding humor and a sense of adventure. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and relatable.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters of Miles and Ruby are well-portrayed in this scene, showcasing their chemistry, emotions, and sense of adventure. Their interactions and dialogue reveal their personalities and the dynamics of their relationship.

Character Changes: 7

The scene showcases a subtle change in the characters of Miles and Ruby as they take a significant step in their relationship, deepening their emotional bond and sense of adventure.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to feel connected and alive. The kiss and the leap off the cliff symbolize a desire for excitement and shared experiences.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to have a thrilling experience with Ruby. The leap off the cliff represents a physical challenge and a test of courage.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 3

While there is a hint of potential conflict in Miles and Ruby's relationship, the scene primarily focuses on their romantic connection and shared sense of adventure, resulting in a low conflict level.

Opposition: 6

The opposition in this scene is not strong, as the characters' challenges are mostly internal and resolved through their shared experience.

High Stakes: 4

While the scene involves a leap off a cliff, the stakes are relatively low in terms of immediate danger. The high stakes lie in the emotional connection and potential outcomes of Miles and Ruby's budding romance.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by developing the romantic subplot between Miles and Ruby, setting the stage for future conflicts and resolutions in their relationship.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected leap off the cliff and the characters' playful banter.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

There is a philosophical conflict between the protagonist's fear of being forgotten and the desire for a memorable experience. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs about relationships and self-worth.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact due to the romantic and joyful moments shared between Miles and Ruby. Their leap off the cliff evokes feelings of hope, excitement, and connection, resonating with the audience.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the romantic and playful tone, capturing the essence of the characters' emotions and connection. It adds depth to their relationship and enhances the overall impact of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the dynamic interaction between the characters, the sense of adventure, and the humor woven throughout.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene builds tension effectively, leading to a climactic moment of action.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with clear scene headings and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 9

The scene follows the expected structure for a romantic adventure genre, with a buildup of tension and a climactic moment of action.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures a moment of joy and freedom for Ruby and Miles, serving as a fitting transition from the previous celebratory scene of Ruby's acceptance into Berklee. The dialogue is light and playful, reflecting their youthful relationship and the bittersweet nature of impending separation.
  • The use of physical action, such as the leap off the cliff, symbolizes their commitment to each other and the leap into the unknown that Ruby is about to take as she heads to Boston. This visual metaphor is powerful and resonates well with the themes of growth and change.
  • However, the dialogue could benefit from a bit more depth. While the playful banter is enjoyable, adding a line or two that reflects Ruby's genuine feelings about leaving or her hopes for the future could enhance the emotional weight of the moment. This would provide a stronger contrast to the lightheartedness of their interaction.
  • The scene's pacing is effective, but it could be improved by including a brief moment of hesitation before the leap. This could heighten the tension and anticipation, making the jump feel more significant. A moment of eye contact or a shared smile before they leap could deepen their connection and emphasize the importance of this moment.
  • The sound design could also be highlighted in the script. Describing the sound of the water, the wind, or even the echo of their howls could enhance the sensory experience for the audience, making the scene more immersive.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a line where Ruby expresses her excitement or anxiety about moving to Boston, which would ground the scene in her emotional journey and provide a more poignant farewell.
  • Introduce a moment of hesitation or reflection before the leap, allowing the characters to share a meaningful glance or a brief exchange that underscores the significance of this moment in their lives.
  • Incorporate sensory details to enhance the scene, such as the sound of the water splashing or the wind rushing past them as they jump, to create a more vivid experience for the audience.
  • Explore the possibility of including a visual cue, like Ruby looking back at the quarry or the horizon before they jump, to symbolize her transition from one chapter of her life to another.
  • Consider ending the scene with a line that hints at their future, perhaps a playful comment from Ruby about what she hopes to find in Boston, which could leave the audience with a sense of anticipation.



Scene 60 -  Bittersweet Farewell
EXT. ROSSI HOME - DRIVEWAY - DAY

The car is packed full of stuff. Gertie finishes loading
Ruby’s duffle. Ruby efficiently hugs her family goodbye,
trying to avoid a big emotional scene.

JACKIE
You sure you don’t want us to come?
We can help set up your dorm room.

RUBY
(signed and spoken)
No! Let’s not make this a thing.


Jackie gives her a squeeze. Ruby peels her off, turns to Leo.

RUBY (CONT'D)
Bye bye, ass monkey.

LEO
Bye, shit nugget.

Ruby quickly hugs Frank, who hands her the last of her
belongings. She breaks away and climbs into the car.


INT./EXT. GERTIE’S CAR/ROSSI HOME - CONTINUOUS

Gertie drives away. Ruby looks back at her family, getting
smaller as they pull down the road. Suddenly, as they are
almost out of sight, Ruby panics.

RUBY
Wait, wait, stop!

Gertie stops. Ruby leaps from the car and runs back to her
family. She dives into their embrace. The four of them hug,
holding each other tight.

Frank takes Ruby’s face in his hands. He uses his voice.

FRANK
Go.

Ruby smiles and nods. She runs back toward the car and climbs
in. Her family watches as the car pulls away. Ruby waves at
them out the window. As they disappear into the distance, she
holds up her hand and signs -- “I love you forever.”

THE END.
Genres: ["Drama","Family"]

Summary In the driveway of the Rossi home, Ruby prepares to leave for college, attempting to keep her goodbye light-hearted. However, as the car drives away, she panics and jumps out to embrace her family one last time. After a heartfelt hug, Frank encourages her to go, and Ruby returns to the car, waving goodbye and signing 'I love you forever' as they drive off, capturing the bittersweet emotions of new beginnings and leaving loved ones behind.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Authentic performances
  • Character growth
Weaknesses
  • Limited external conflict
  • Predictable resolution

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9.2

The scene is emotionally charged, well-structured, and executed with depth and authenticity, providing a strong conclusion to Ruby's journey.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of saying goodbye and embarking on a new chapter in life is well-developed and resonates with the audience, providing a satisfying conclusion to Ruby's character arc.

Plot: 9

The plot progression in the scene effectively resolves Ruby's internal conflict and sets the stage for her future journey, adding depth to the overall narrative.

Originality: 8

The scene offers a fresh approach to the familiar theme of leaving home for college by infusing it with humor and genuine emotion. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and resonate with the audience.


Character Development

Characters: 9.2

The characters' emotional depth and growth are showcased in their interactions, especially Ruby's decision to pursue her dreams and her family's support, adding layers to their relationships.

Character Changes: 9

Ruby undergoes a significant change by deciding to pursue her dreams, showcasing growth and maturity, while her family shows support and understanding, deepening their relationships.

Internal Goal: 9

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to show her love and appreciation for her family while also asserting her independence as she leaves for college. This reflects her deeper need for connection and belonging while also desiring to establish her own identity.

External Goal: 8

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to physically leave for college and start a new chapter in her life. This reflects the immediate circumstances of her transition to adulthood and the challenges of leaving her family behind.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 3

The conflict in the scene is internal, focusing on Ruby's decision to leave her family, adding emotional depth without intense external conflict.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create tension and uncertainty, as Ruby's conflicting desires to leave and stay are in direct conflict. The audience is left wondering how she will resolve this internal struggle.

High Stakes: 6

The stakes are emotional, focusing on Ruby's decision to leave her family and pursue her dreams, adding personal significance without high external stakes.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by resolving Ruby's internal conflict and setting the stage for her new journey, providing closure to her character arc.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because the protagonist's sudden change of heart adds a surprising twist to the expected farewell scene. The audience is kept on their toes wondering what Ruby will ultimately decide.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the balance between independence and family bonds. Ruby struggles with wanting to assert her independence by leaving for college but also feeling the strong pull of her family's love and support.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9.5

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking feelings of love, sadness, and hope, leaving a lasting impression on the audience.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is heartfelt and authentic, reflecting the characters' emotions and relationships, enhancing the scene's emotional impact.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it captures the universal experience of leaving home and the emotional complexity of family relationships. The dialogue and actions of the characters draw the audience in and evoke empathy.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a gradual build-up of tension as Ruby prepares to leave, followed by a sudden moment of reversal when she decides to stay. The rhythm of the scene enhances its emotional impact.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of the scene adheres to the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting. The visual descriptions enhance the reader's understanding of the setting and characters.

Structure: 9

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for a heartfelt family moment in a screenplay, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the emotional impact of the scene.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the emotional weight of Ruby's departure, showcasing her desire to maintain a light-hearted facade while grappling with the reality of leaving her family. This internal conflict is relatable and resonates well with the audience.
  • The dialogue is sharp and humorous, particularly the playful exchanges between Ruby and her family. This adds a layer of authenticity to their relationships, making the emotional moments more impactful when they occur.
  • The use of sign language alongside spoken dialogue is a strong choice, emphasizing Ruby's identity and her family's dynamics. However, it could be beneficial to include more visual cues or context for viewers unfamiliar with sign language, ensuring that the emotional weight is fully conveyed.
  • The pacing of the scene is effective, moving quickly through the goodbyes and then slowing down for the emotional climax when Ruby returns to her family. This contrast enhances the emotional impact of her final embrace.
  • The ending, with Ruby signing 'I love you forever,' is a poignant touch that encapsulates the theme of family connection. However, it might benefit from a brief moment of silence or reflection after the car drives away to allow the audience to absorb the weight of the moment.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment where Ruby hesitates before leaving the car, allowing for a visual cue of her internal struggle before she ultimately decides to return to her family. This could heighten the emotional tension.
  • Incorporate a visual element that highlights the packed car, perhaps showing specific items that symbolize Ruby's journey or her connection to her family, which could deepen the audience's understanding of her emotional state.
  • Explore the possibility of including a line or two from Gertie that reflects her support for Ruby, reinforcing their friendship and providing a contrast to the family dynamic.
  • To enhance the emotional resonance, consider adding a moment where each family member shares a quick, heartfelt sentiment before the final hug, which could serve to deepen the audience's connection to the characters.
  • After Ruby signs 'I love you forever,' consider a moment where the family exchanges glances or gestures that signify their mutual understanding and love, reinforcing the theme of connection despite physical distance.