Read Avatar with its analysis


See Full Analysis here

Scene 1 -  Introducing Jake Sully
  • Overall: 8.5
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 9
  • Dialogue: 8
AVATAR
written by
James Cameron




ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. COPYRIGHT ©2007 TWENTIETH CENTURY FOX FILM
CORPORATION. NO PORTION OF THIS SCRIPT MAY BE PERFORMED, PUBLISHED,
REPRODUCED, SOLD, OR DISTRIBUTED BY ANY MEANS, OR QUOTED OR PUBLISHED IN
ANY MEDIUM, INCLUDING ANY WEB SITE, WITHOUT THE PRIOR WRITTEN CONSENT OF
TWENTIETH CENTURY FOX FILM CORPORATION.
THE SOUND OF DRUMS, from a great distance, growing louder.

FADE IN:

WE ARE FLYING through mist, a dimly glimpsed forest below.

VOICE (V.O.)
When I was lying there in the VA
hospital, with a big hole blown through
the middle of my life, I started having
these dreams of flying.

We are very low over the forest now, gliding fast, the drums
BUILDING to a PEAK --

VOICE (V.O.)
Sooner or later though, you always have
to wake up...
CUT TO:

EXT. CITY - NIGHT

A SCREECH OF BRAKES as a vehicle WIPES FRAME, revealing --

JAKE SULLY, a scarred and scruffy combat vet, sitting in a
beat up carbon-fiber wheelchair. At 22, his eyes are
hardened by the wisdom and wariness of one who has endured
pain beyond his years.

Jake stares upward at the levels of the city. MAGLEV TRAINS
WHOOSH overhead on elevated tracks, against a sky of garish
advertizing.

JAKE (V.O.)
They can fix a spinal, if you’ve got the
money. But not on vet benefits, not in
this economy.

The traffic light changes and Jake pushes forward with the
crowd, pumping the wheels of his chair. Most of the people
wear FILTER MASKS to protect them from the toxic air. In a
LONG LENS STACK it is a marching torrent of anonymous,
isolated souls.

INT. JAKE’S APARTMENT - NIGHT

The room is a tiny CUBICLE, prison cell meets 747 bathroom.
Narrow cot, wall-screen droning away in the B.G. --

PERKY NEWSCASTER
The Bengal tiger, extinct for over a
century, is making a comeback. These
cloned tiger cubs at the Beijing Zoo
are...
2.



Jake laboriously pulls his pants off -- rocking to one side,
pushing the fabric down past his hip, then rocking to the
other, and so on.

His legs are white and atrophied. Utterly useless. But his
arms are tattooed and powerfully muscled. A “Born Loser”
tattoo prominent on his shoulder.

JAKE (V.O.)
I became a Marine for the hardship. To
be hammered on the anvil of life. I told
myself I could pass any test a man can
pass.

Jake struggles with his pants a long time.
CUT TO:

INT. ROWDY BAR -- NIGHT

Not the kind of place you’d bring your mom.

We find Jake near the pool table, BALANCING his chair, front
wheels off the ground, while holding a tequila shot on his
forehead. ONLOOKERS, including some other disabled vets,
CLAP and WHOOP.

Jake grabs the glass, SLAMS down the shot as they cheer.

A WALL-SIZED SCREEN filled with the World Cup game -- men
RUNNING on antelope legs.

CU JAKE, watching what he can’t have. Expression stony.

JAKE (V.O.)
Let’s get it straight up front. I don’t
want your pity. I know the world’s a
cold-ass bitch.

Jake’s eyes shift -- HIS POV, seeing the bar through gaps in
the crowd. A MAN on a barstool SLAPS the WOMAN he’s with.
Hard. She cowers but he’s got her arm, shouting, raising his
fist. An eternal tableau. People look away.

CU JAKE -- not looking away.

JAKE (V.O.)
You want a fair deal, you’re on the wrong
planet. The strong prey on the weak.

TIGHT ON JAKE’S HAND as he starts pushing the wheel of his
chair.

TRACKING WITH HIM as he rolls forward.
3.



JAKE (V.O.)
It’s just the way things are. And nobody
does a damn thing.

Jake stops, unnoticed, next to the bullying man. He leans
down and grabs one leg of the man’s barstool -- and YANKS.

The chair flips. The guy goes down HARD and --

JAKE hurls himself from the wheelchair, toppling on the guy,
getting a grip on him like a pit bull and PUNCHING the crap
out of him, right there on the floor.

THE BOUNCER jumps in, trying to drag him off and it goes into
SLOW MOTION, everybody yelling and pulling...

JAKE (V.O.)
All I ever wanted in my sorry-ass life
was a single thing worth fighting for.
CUT TO:

EXT. ALLEY BEHIND BAR -- NIGHT

THE BOUNCER hurls Jake out the door, sending him SPRAWLING on
the pavement. A moment later, his chair CRASHES down on him,
banging across the alley, landing in the trash.

Jake struggles to rise on one elbow. He’s bleeding and
bruised, but still crazed and ready to fight.

JAKE
I hope you realize you’ve just lost a
customer!

He collapses onto his back, panting.

JAKE
(to himself)
Candy ass bitch.

He stares upwards at the levels of the city. MAGTRAINS ROAR
overhead. It starts to RAIN. He just lies there, blinking --
then shouts jauntily to no one in particular --

JAKE
If it ain’t rainin’ we ain’t trainin’!

CAMERA PULLS BACK high and wide, as Jake lies spread-eagled
amongst the trash, getting drenched.

TWO LONG SHADOWS enter FRAME, coming to rest across him.
4.



Jake sees two pairs of SHINY SHOES stop next to him. He
squints up at --

TWO MEN. Matching suits. Their features unremarkable and
blandly threatening in the way of FBI agents and auditors.

AGENT 1
Are you Jake Sully?

JAKE
Step off. You’re ruinin’ my good mood.

AGENT 2
It’s about your brother.
CUT TO:
Genres: ["Science Fiction","Drama"]

Summary Jake Sully, a scarred and scruffy combat vet, navigates his new life, dealing with his disabilities and the harsh realities of the world he lives in. He gets into a fight defending a woman at a bar, only to be thrown out and beaten. However, when two men approach him, he realizes there may be some hope for his future.
Strengths
  • Strong introduction to the main character and his struggles
  • Strong dialogue that conveys his character's personality and worldview
  • Themes of disability, hardship, and the harsh realities of the world are effectively conveyed
Weaknesses
  • Some exposition-heavy lines in the voiceover
  • Some cliche tropes used like the bar fight
Critique Overall, this scene from Avatar is well-written and effectively establishes the protagonist, Jake Sully, as a complex and flawed character. The use of voiceover narration adds depth and insight into Jake's past and mindset, while also setting up the central conflict of the story. The use of contrasts, such as the dreary, toxic city versus the vibrant forest, also adds visual interest and establishes the theme of man's relationship with nature.

One potential critique of the scene is that it relies heavily on exposition through voiceover and news broadcasts to establish the world and characters. This may be a weakness in terms of visual storytelling, as the audience is being told information rather than shown it through dialogue and action. Additionally, some of the dialogue and voiceover can come across as a bit heavy-handed or melodramatic at times.

Overall, however, this scene effectively sets the stage for the rest of the story and showcases James Cameron's skill as a screenwriter in creating engaging characters and worlds.
Suggestions Here are some suggestions to improve this scene:

- Consider starting the scene with a shot of Jake first, before the voiceover starts. This will ground the audience in the character and help them connect with him before the exposition.
- Instead of using voiceover to explain Jake's backstory, try to show it more visually. For example, you could have a shot of him struggling to get dressed, or of him working out to stay in shape despite his paralysis.
- Be cautious of using cliché lines, such as "I became a Marine for the hardship. To be hammered on the anvil of life." These feel predictable and uninspired. Try to find a more unique and original way to express Jake's motivations.
- Instead of just telling the audience that the world is harsh and unfair, show it more explicitly. For example, you could have a shot of a beggar on the street being ignored by passersby, or of someone getting mugged without anyone intervening.
- When Jake confronts the man who hits his girlfriend, consider adding some more tension or conflict. Right now, the scene feels a little too straightforward. Perhaps the man has some friends who try to jump in and help him, or he pulls out a weapon.
- When the agents shows up, try to make them more distinct and memorable. Right now, they feel like generic government men in suits. Maybe give them some quirks or personality traits that make them stand out, or make them more intimidating or mysterious.



Scene 2 -  Tommy's cremation followed by Jake's awakening
  • Overall: 9.2
  • Concept: 9
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 9
INT. MUNICIPAL CREMATORIUM - NIGHT

DOWN-ANGLE on a large rectangular cardboard box. HANDS ENTER
FRAME, pulling open the top to reveal a DEAD MAN’S FACE. He
looks EXACTLY like a clean-shaven version of Jake. His
IDENTICAL TWIN -- TOMMY.

JAKE (V.O.)
The strong prey on the weak. A guy with
a knife took all Tommy would ever be, for
the paper in his wallet.

WIDER, showing Jake and the two agents in a high tech
CREMATORIUM -- a row of stainless steel furnaces. Jake
stares down at his own face.

JAKE
Jesus, Tommy.

JAKE (V.O.)
The Suits’ concern was touching.

AGENT 1
Your brother represented a significant
investment. We’d like to talk to you
about taking over his contract.

The ATTENDANT closes the box and seals it with a tape
dispenser, like it’s a package for shipping. The cardboard
coffin is rolled into the furnace.

JAKE (V.O.)
The egghead and the jarhead. Tommy was
the scientist, not me. He was the one
who wanted to get shot light years out
into space to find the answers.
5.



PUSHING IN ON JAKE as he watches, bathed in orange light.

JAKE (V.O.)
Me -- I was just another dumb grunt
gettin’ sent someplace I was gonna
regret.

INSIDE THE FURNACE the burners quickly eat away the
cardboard; TOMMY’S FACE is, for a moment, wreathed in flame
but not touched by it, as we --
DISSOLVE TO:

JAKE’S FACE, in icy darkness. CLOSE ON his eyes -- they OPEN
suddenly, and he takes a sharp breath.

JAKE’S POV -- the inside of a metal coffin. A SERVO WHINE
and we are moving, emerging into a large chamber --

INT. CRYO VAULT

JAKE’S POV -- A TECH in medical scrubs FLOATS WEIGHTLESSLY
toward us. Wherever we are, we’re not on Earth.

Jake squints as the lights flicker on, revealing --

WIDE SHOT -- the multi-tiered CRYO VAULT. Hundreds of CRYO-
CAPSULES are opening like morgue drawers, as med techs pull
themselves about in ZERO-G, tending to their patients.

JAKE
(a hoarse whisper)
Are we there?

MED TECH
We’re there, Sunshine.

TIME CUT -- SCORES OF PEOPLE emerge from their cryo-capsules
in ZERO-G. Pale spirits of the dead rising from rows of open
coffins.

The MED TECH floats among them, using his announcement voice.

MED TECH
People, you have been in cryo for five
years, nine months and twenty two days.
You will be hungry, you will be weak. If
you feel nausea, please use the sacks
provided for your convenience. The staff
thanks you in advance.
6.



FOLLOWING JAKE as he pushes away from his capsule, gliding to
the LOCKERS across the aisle, his paralyzed legs not an
impediment in weightlessness.
CUT TO:

EXT. SPACE

Against the cold infinity of stars glides an INTERSTELLAR
SPACECRAFT -- ISV VENTURE STAR. As it moves past like an
endless train, we realize this thing is ENORMOUS -- over half
a mile long. PAN WITH IT 180 to REVEAL --

A GAS-GIANT PLANET called POLYPHEMUS, ringed with dozens of
moons which cast beauty-mark shadows on its vast face.

The ISV diminishes away from us toward the largest MOON-- a
blue and surprisingly Earth-like world called PANDORA. The
ship dwindles to a speck against the BLUE MOON.
CUT TO:

EXT. PANDORA ORBIT

ISV Venture Star drifts above a spectacular vista -- the
sapphire seas and unfamiliar continents of Pandora.

CLOSE ON ISV -- two massive “VALKYRIE” SHUTTLES are mated to
a DOCKING NODE. One of them separates from the starship and
moves away, its thrusters FIRING in short bursts.

As the shuttle moves away, descending toward Pandora, we hear
the sound of DRUMS, building, louder and louder until we--
CUT TO:

EXT. RAINFOREST - TWILIGHT

FLYING OVER A LANDSCAPE of massive cliffs and towering mesas
carpeted in rainforest. Great scarves of cloud swirl around
the mesa tops. A primeval landscape, vast and forbidding.

The trees are alien, the color too cyan. There are
waterfalls, rivers, and distant flocks of WINGED CREATURES.

Suddenly the carpet of virgin rainforest gives way to --

AN OPEN-PIT MINE. A lifeless crater -- as if a giant cookie-
cutter took a chunk out of the world. Down among the
terraces are EXCAVATORS and TRUCKS the size of three story
buildings.

And beyond the mine is the HUMAN COLONY --
7.



EXT. HELL’S GATE - TWILIGHT

HELL’S GATE is a cluster of squat concrete and steel
structures surrounded by chain-link FENCE 10 meters high,
topped with razor wire.

At the corners are towers with automated SENTRY GUNS
swiveling on servo mounts.

Visible beyond the gun towers, the VALKYRIE SHUTTLE roars in
across the treetops. VECTORING NOZZLES change angle,
bringing the ship to a SLOW HOVER.

EXT. RAIN FOREST - TWILIGHT

Through a screen of jungle canopy, we see the VALKYRIE
thunder overhead. Camera TILTS with it until leaves block
the view.

A BLUE INHUMAN HAND reaches INTO SHOT, parting the foliage to
reveal the shuttle hover-taxiing across the compound.

REVERSE -- ECU of two intense, cat-like golden EYES watching.
Genres: ["Science Fiction","Action"]

Summary Jake watches his identical twin Tommy's cremation, who was a scientist involved in a mission in space. Afterward, Jake wakes up from cryo-sleep and arrives on the planet Pandora, where he will be embroiled in a battle between humans and the native alien species.
Strengths "Strong opening scene establishes the conflict between the powerful and weak, sets up the theme of the exploitation of resources, foreshadows the importance of identity, visually stunning description of the alien planet."
Weaknesses "Minor pacing issues, lack of character development in this particular scene."
Critique Overall, this scene is well-structured and effectively sets up the character of Jake, the setting and premise of the story. However, there are some areas for improvement.

Firstly, the opening with the dead twin feels a little abrupt and disconnected from the main action. While it does provide some insight into Jake's motivation, it could be incorporated more smoothly into the narrative.

Additionally, some of the dialogue feels a bit on-the-nose, particularly the exchange with the agents about taking over Tommy's contract. It could be made more subtle and nuanced.

Finally, while the description of the setting is vivid and detailed, it could benefit from more sensory details to fully transport the reader into the world of Pandora.

Overall, this scene shows promise and has a strong foundation, but could benefit from some fine-tuning.
Suggestions Overall, the scene seems quite well-written and engaging. However, here are a few suggestions for improvement:

1. Consider starting the scene with a more active and engaging visual. The current opening shot is simply an angle on a cardboard box. While it sets the tone for the scene, it doesn't hook the reader or viewer in immediately. Perhaps there could be a more dynamic shot of the crematorium or a close-up on Jake's face as he watches his twin's body being cremated.

2. Consider providing more context for the dialogue between the agents and Jake. It's not entirely clear who the agents are or why they're interested in Tommy's contract. Perhaps there could be a bit more exposition here to make it more clear.

3. Consider tightening up the dialogue a bit, especially in the exchange between Jake and the med tech. The dialogue feels a bit meandering and could benefit from more concise and impactful language.

4. Consider adding more sensory details to the description of Pandora and Hell's Gate. The landscape is vividly described, but there could be more emphasis on the sounds, smells, and textures of the alien world to fully immerse the audience.

Overall, though, the scene is well-written and engaging, and with a few tweaks, it could be even more effective.



Scene 3 -  Arrival and Safety Briefing
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 9
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 7
INT./EXT. SHUTTLE

The CREW CHIEF stomps down the aisle yelling --

CREW CHIEF
Exopacks on!

Passengers don their EXO-PACK breathing gear with practiced
moves. Everybody except JAKE, who’s turning his this way and
that trying to figure out the straps.

CREW CHIEF
Remember people, you lose your mask
you’re unconscious in 20 seconds and
you’re dead in four minutes. Let’s nobody
be dead today, it looks bad on my report.

The crew chief stops by Jake long enough to bark --

CREW CHIEF
Exopack on, let’s go!

BENEATH THE SHUTTLE air blasts outward for a hundred meter
radius as it settles onto its landing gear.

INSIDE everybody is queued up in the aisles, with duffles
ready. Rows of tense, expectant faces in breathing masks --
and we DIP DOWN to find Jake, wheelchair putting him at the
level of everyone else’s WAISTS.
8.



THE CARGO RAMP OPENS with a hydraulic whine.

CREW CHIEF
Go directly into the base! Do not stop!
Go straight inside!

HAND-HELD, running with the arriving colonists who double
time down the ramp. They jog across the exposed apron toward
a walkway covered in CHAINLINK which leads to the complex.

Inside the chain-link tunnel are a couple of SEC-OPS
TROOPERS, CORPORAL LYLE WAINFLEET and PRIVATE FIKE. Sec-Ops
is the colony’s private security force. These guys are laid
back, hardened, and haggard.

WAINFLEET
Look at all that new meat.

THEIR POV -- Jake rolls down the ramp.

FIKE
Check it out, man. Meals on wheels.

WAINFLEET
That is just wrong.

Jake, pumping his chair, looks around as --

A huge TRACTOR, taller than a house, ROARS past on muddy
wheels. He notices something sticking in the tires --
ARROWS. The neolithic weapons are jarring amid all the
advanced technology.

Beyond the tractor, two VTOL vehicles take off. Armored and
heavily armed, they are AT-99 “SCORPION” GUNSHIPS.

MITSUBISHI MK-6 AMPSUITS -- human operated walking machines 4
meters tall -- patrol the perimeter. They are heavily
armored, and armed with a huge rotary cannon called a GAU-90.

Beyond the outer fence stands a black wall of forest hundreds
of feet high. A SENTRY GUN OPENS FIRE from a tower. TRACERS
light up the twilight. A shadowy SHAPE SHRIEKS and drops off
the fence. It is an armed camp in a state of siege.

WAINFLEET and Fike give Jake and his chair the hairy eyeball
as he approaches.

JAKE
What’re you two limpdicks starin’ at?

As Jake rolls past, SOMETHING SWOOPS down behind him and --
9.



K-KRASH! SMASHES against the chain-link right next to his
head.

A vicious AERIAL PREDATOR a meter across gnashes glass fangs
against the steel. It STABS at him through the chain link
with a tail ending in a glistening stiletto. A STINGBAT.

WAINFLEET casually BLASTS IT with his PISTOL. It drops off
the fence, tail still lashing.

WAINFLEET
Seen a lotta guys leave this place in a
wheelchair. Never seen anybody show up
in one.

Jake stares at the gnashing fangs of the dying alien.

ON A WALKWAY of the OPS CENTER, seen from above, a UNIFORMED
FIGURE grips the railing, watching Jake pump his chair
through the tunnel below.

The hair is clipped short. The scalp is etched by long
parallel SCARS where some Pandoran denizen’s claws raked
across it. The bare arms, below tightly rolled sleeves, seem
hewn out of some hard tropical wood. Criss-crossed by scars.

The MAN raises his masked face to look at the sky. He eyes
are an icy steel gray.

HIS POV -- the mighty POLYPHEMUS seems to fill the sky,
beyond the clouds.

MAN (V.O.)
You are not in Kansas any more...
CUT TO:

INT. COMMISSARY - TWILIGHT

THE MAN from the balcony -- COLONEL MILES QUARITCH -- is the
HEAD OF SECURITY for the Hell’s Gate colony. A hundred new
arrivals watch raptly as he paces like a panther across the
front of the large cafeteria. He stops, stance wide.

Without his mask, we see that Quaritch’s features are rugged
and handsome, except for the SCAR, which runs from scalp to
jaw down one side of his face. On one hip he carries a very
large PISTOL.

QUARITCH
... You are on Pandora, ladies and
gentlemen. Respect that fact every second
of every day.
10.



JAKE ROLLS IN, watching from the back.

COLONEL QUARITCH raises his hand and points out the window,
toward the dark treeline.

QUARITCH
Out beyond that fence every living thing
that crawls, flies or squats in the mud
wants to kill you and eat your eyes for
jujubees.

The room gets very quiet.

QUARITCH
We have an indigenous population of
humanoids here called the Na’vi. They’re
fond of arrows dipped in a neurotoxin
which can stop your heart in one minute.
We operate -- we live -- at a constant
threat condition yellow.

PAN ACROSS the solid faces of miners, Cat-machine drivers,
engineers, geologists, as they take that in.

QUARITCH
As head of security, it’s my job to keep
you alive. I will not succeed --
(pausing for effect)
-- not with all of you. If you wish to
survive, you need a strong mental
attitude, you need to follow procedure...

PUSH IN ON JAKE, watching as the briefing continues.

JAKE (V.O.)
Nothing like an old-school safety brief
to put your mind at ease.
CUT TO:
Genres: ["sci-fi","action","drama"]

Summary Jake arrives on Pandora and is greeted by the crew chief who tells everyone to put on their exopacks. Jake notices the primitive weapons on the tire of a tractor. Jake also encounters a stingbat trying to attack him and is saved by security forces. Colonel Quaritch gives a safety briefing telling everyone about the dangers of Pandora and about the indigenous population called the Na'vi.
Strengths
  • Worldbuilding
  • Establishing the dangers of Pandora
  • Introducing important characters
Weaknesses
  • Lack of character development
  • Some dialogue feels cliche
Critique Overall, the scene is well-written and effectively establishes the tension and danger of the environment. However, there are a few areas that could be improved or revised:

1. The dialogue from the crew chief feels a bit generic and clichéd. Consider adding some more specific language or details that would make it stand out and feel more authentic.

2. The introduction of the character Jake could be more subtle and less expositional. Instead of explicitly stating that he is in a wheelchair, it could be revealed more organically through his actions or interactions with others.

3. The description of the landscape and various vehicles could benefit from more vivid and detailed language. As it is, the writing is functional and clear, but it could be more evocative and immersive.

4. The dialogue from Colonel Quaritch is effective in establishing the threat level, but some of the phrasing feels a bit clunky and awkward. Consider revising it to make it more concise and impactful.

Overall, the scene effectively establishes the stakes and danger of the setting, but there is room for improvement in some of the details and dialogue.
Suggestions 1. Add more specific descriptions of the characters: Currently, the characters are not very well developed. Adding more specific descriptions of their appearances, personalities, and motivations could help make the scene more engaging and immersive.
2. Increase pacing: The scene could benefit from a tighter pacing, with quicker cuts between different shots and moments of action. This would help to build tension and excitement.
3. Develop more conflict: There is currently not a lot of conflict in the scene, which could make it feel flat. Introducing some tension between characters, or introducing a new obstacle for the characters to overcome, could help make the scene more dynamic and engaging.
4. Heighten the stakes: While there is mention of the danger posed by the environment and the Na'vi, the stakes could be made more explicit and visceral to help the audience connect emotionally with the scene. Adding in a scene of someone being injured or killed, for example, could help to increase the audience's investment in the story.
5. Clarify the setting: While some details are provided about the environment and the technology being used, it is not entirely clear where the scene is taking place or how it fits into the larger story. Giving more context about the scene's location and how it fits into the narrative could help make it feel more coherent and meaningful.



Scene 4 -  Avatar Research
  • Overall: 7.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 6
  • Characters: 7
  • Dialogue: 6
INT. CORRIDOR

People are roaming in both directions, looking for rooms,
lugging duffels and cases.

An eager young XENOANTHROPOLOGIST, staggering under an
overpacked duffel, runs to catch up to Jake.

NORM
Hey, you’re Jake right? Tom’s brother?
You look just like him.
(off Jake’s wary look)
Sorry, I’m Norm Spellman, I went through
avatar training with him.
11.



Norm offers his hand and Jake shakes it.

NORM
He was a great guy -- funny. It was a
big shock to all of us.

JAKE
Yeah.

Jake pumps the wheels of his chair, rolling on. Norm walks
with him.

NORM
And duh! -- obviously you look like him.
I mean, if you weren’t genetically
identical, you wouldn’t be taking over
his avatar.

JAKE
That’s why I’m here.

NORM
So -- you want to go check it out?
CUT TO:

INT. BIO-LAB - DAY

JAKE AND NORM enter the BIO-LAB -- a large lab complex with
many adjoining rooms.

MAX
Me and Norm were out here to drive these
remotely controlled bodies called
avatars. They’re grown from human DNA
mixed with DNA from the natives here.

A scientist, DOCTOR MAX CULLIMORE, is supervising the
uncrating of two SHIPPING CONTAINERS. The nearer has the
sides removed, revealing -- a ceiling-height acrylic TANK.

Norm stops to stare, and Jake rolls past him as if drawn by
some unseen force, toward --

THE AMNIO TANK. There is a FIGURE floating lanquidly inside,
which looks like a man. A very large, very blue, man.

Blood circulates through a synthetic UMBILICAL in the
abdomen. As the figure turns in the amniotic fluid, we see
that it has a lemur-like TAIL. The skin is cyan-blue. Long
black hair drifts, graceful as seaweed.

JAKE
Damn. They got big.
12.



NORM
Yeah, they mature on the trip out.
(to Max)
So the proprioceptive sims worked pretty
well.

MAX
Yeah, they’ve got great muscle tone. Give
us a few hours, you guys can take them
for a spin.

THE FIGURE’S sleeping face turns toward us, and the features
are -- despite feline ears and a long feral snout --
definitely JAKE’S.

JAKE
It looks like him.

NORM
No, it looks like you. This is your
avatar now, Jake.

ON JAKE, mesmerized as he stares into the tank.

JAKE (V.O.)
The idea is -- every driver is matched to
his own avatar --

STEREOCAM VIDEO SHOT OF JAKE -- facing the camera, talking
directly to the lens. JAKE’S VOICE-OVER up until now has
been part of this VIDEOLOG.

JAKE
-- so their nervous systems are in tune.
Or something. Which is why they offered
me this gig, because I can link with
Tommy’s avatar, which was insanely
expensive.
(looking off camera)
Is this right? I just say whatever in
these videologs?

WIDER, showing Norm working nearby with Max.

NORM
Yeah. You just need to get in the habit
of documenting everything -- what you
see, what you feel -- it’s all part of
the science. Good science starts with
good observation.
13.



JAKE
Right.
(to camera)
So, whatever. Here I am. Doing science.
(looks around)
Never been in a lab before.

MAX
Log off. It’s time to meet your boss for
the next five years.

He leads Jake and Norm through the short corridor to the --
CUT TO:
Genres: ["Science Fiction"]

Summary Jake and Norm arrive on the planet Pandora and are taken to the bio-lab to meet their new avatars. Jake is mesmerized by the avatar that looks like him and learns about the connection between the driver and the avatar.
Strengths "Introduces the concept of the avatars and the connection between the driver and their corresponding avatar. Sets up the relationship between Jake and his avatar."
Weaknesses "Lacks significant action or conflict. Some of the dialogue is expositional and comes off as unrealistic."
Critique Overall, this scene is well-written and effectively sets up some important plot points for the story. The dialogue feels natural and the scene moves at a good pace. However, there are a few small areas that could use improvement:

- The introduction of Norm as an "eager young XENOANTHROPOLOGIST" feels a bit clunky. It would flow better if his profession was revealed more organically through conversation.
- The line "Damn. They got big." from Jake feels a bit too on the nose in describing the avatar he will be controlling. It might be more effective to have him react with more mixed emotions, as he is clearly conflicted about taking over his deceased brother's avatar.
- The transition between the amnio tank and Jake's videolog is a bit abrupt. It might be clearer if there was a brief cutaway to show that Jake is recording his thoughts about the avatar he is looking at before he appears onscreen in the videolog.

Overall, these are minor issues that do not detract significantly from the scene.
Suggestions 1. Consider adding more character development to the characters of Jake and Norm. We don't know much about them other than Jake is taking over his brother's avatar and Norm went through avatar training with him. Adding more depth to their personalities could make the audience care more about what happens to them.

2. Consider adding some conflict or tension to the scene. Right now, it feels like just an exposition dump. Adding a conflict or tension could make the scene more engaging and move the plot forward.

3. Consider adding more details about the setting to make it more immersive for the audience. Right now, the corridor and bio-lab are described fairly minimally. Adding some sensory details could help the audience feel like they are in the space with the characters.

4. Consider shortening some of the dialogue. Some of the lines feel a bit redundant or unnecessary and could be cut without affecting the meaning of the scene. Tightening up the dialogue could make the scene feel more concise and impactful.



Scene 5 -  Avatar: Meeting Grace Augustine
  • Overall: 9.1
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 10
  • Dialogue: 9
INT. LINK ROOM - DUSK

The LINK ROOM contains a dozen PSIONIC LINK UNITS, which look
like coffins crossed with MRI scanners.

NORM
Grace Augustine is a legend. She's the
head of the Avatar Program, and she wrote
the book -- I mean literally wrote the
book -- on Pandoran botany.

MAX
(low, over his shoulder)
That's because she likes plants better
than people.

DR. GRACE AUGUSTINE sits up in her link, stretching and
cracking her neck after a long session. She’s fifty, with a
strong face and fiercely intelligent eyes.

GRACE
(yelling)
Who’s got my goddamn cigarette?!

A TECH scurries to bring it to her, already lit. Around here
they jump when Grace barks.

Grace stands, scowling, as Jake, Norm and Max approach.

MAX
And here she is, Cinderella back from the
ball. Grace, I’d like you to meet Norm
Spellman and Ja --

GRACE
Norm. I hear good things about you.
How's your Na'vi?
14.



NORM
(Na'vi, subtitled)
May the All Mother smile upon our first
meeting.

Grace nods approvingly, taking a drag on her cigarette.

GRACE
(subtitled)
Not bad. You sound a little formal.

NORM
(subtitled)
There is still much to learn.

Jake waits while they ignore him, chattering in fluent Na’vi.

MAX
Uh, Grace, this is Jake S----

GRACE
(turning to Jake)
Yeah, yeah, I know who you are, and I
don’t need you. I need your brother.
(to Max)
You know -- the PhD who trained three
years for this mission.

JAKE
He’s dead. I know it’s a big
inconvenience to everyone.

GRACE
How much lab training have you had? Ever
run a gas chromatograph?

JAKE
No.

GRACE
Any actual lab work at all?

JAKE
High school chemistry. But I ditched.

Grace wheels on Max.

GRACE
You see? You see? They’re pissing on us
without even the courtesy of calling it
rain.
(turning away)
I’m going to Selfridge.
15.



She shoves past Jake.

MAX
Grace, that’s not a good idea.

But she’s already out the door and clomping down the
corridor. Max turns to Jake with a pained look.

MAX
Here, tomorrow, oh eight hundred. Try to
use big words.
CUT TO:
Genres: ["Sci-Fi"]

Summary Jake, Norm, and Max meet Dr. Grace Augustine, the head of the Avatar Program and a botanist. After a brief introduction, Grace insults Jake and leaves to speak with Selfridge.
Strengths "The dialogue is witty and entertaining. The introduction of Dr. Grace Augustine shows her strong personality."
Weaknesses "The lack of respect given to Jake, who is the main character."
Critique Overall, this scene has some strengths in terms of developing the characters and introducing conflicts, but there are also areas for improvement.

One strength is the use of action to introduce the setting and technology. The description of the PSIONIC LINK UNITS helps the audience to visualize the futuristic world of the film. The dialogue between characters also reveals important information about the protagonist's mission and introduces a central conflict between Grace and the main character.

However, there are some areas for improvement in terms of pacing and dialogue. The scene feels somewhat slow-paced, with a lot of time spent on character introductions and small talk in Na'vi. While this may be necessary for establishing the worldbuilding, it could be made more engaging through the use of specific conflict or tension.

Additionally, the dialogue itself could be tightened and made more impactful. For example, some lines feel clunky or unnecessary, such as Max's "That's because she likes plants better than people." This line doesn't add much to the scene and feels like a cliche.

Finally, there are some areas for improvement in terms of character development. While Grace is given some important character traits (she's intelligent, tough, and committed to her work), Jake feels like a somewhat passive character who simply reacts to what's happening around him. There could be more effort to make him a more dynamic protagonist with clear goals and desires.

Overall, this scene has some strong elements but could be improved through tighter dialogue, stronger pacing, and more dynamic character development.
Suggestions Overall, the dialogue in this scene seems natural and realistic, but there are a few suggestions to strengthen it:

1. Establish the setting: Start the scene with a brief description of the Link Room to help the audience visualize where the characters are. Also, consider using sensory details (such as sounds or smells) to add depth to the setting.

2. Show, don't tell: Instead of having Norm tell Max about Grace's reputation, find a way to show the audience why she's considered a legend. You could have her give an impressive speech or show her work in action.

3. Character motivation: Why does Grace care so much about her cigarette? There could be an opportunity to reveal more about her character here. Perhaps she's stressed and uses smoking as a coping mechanism, or maybe it's a symbolic representation of her desire for control.

4. Jake's introduction: Jake seems to be a minor character in this scene, but his presence is still important. Consider introducing him earlier in the scene and having him participate in the conversation more actively. This will help establish his relationship with the other characters and make his later reveal about his brother's death more impactful.

5. Conflict: The scene ends with Grace storming out, but there could be an opportunity for more conflict between the characters before she leaves. For example, Max could push back on Grace's dismissal of Jake and defend his abilities. This would add tension and make Grace's exit feel more earned.



Scene 6 -  Unobtanium and Diplomacy
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 9
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 9
INT. OPS CENTER - DUSK

It looks like an air-traffic control tower, with lots of
screens and bay windows showing the whole complex.

ADMINISTRATOR PARKER SELFRIDGE takes a ball from a newly
opened case of TITLEISTS and sets it on the floor. Selfridge
is young, charismatic, focused. Some would say ruthless.

He assumes the stance and lines up his putt, toward a
practice cup across the control room floor. He glances up as
Grace strides toward him.

GRACE
Parker, I used to think it was benign
neglect, but now I see you’re
intentionally screwing us.

SELFRIDGE
Grace. You know I enjoy our little
talks.

GRACE
I need a research assistant, not some
jarhead dropout.

Selfridge looks down and hits the ball.

Grace kicks the practice cup aside, and the ball rolls past.
Selfridge looks at her with a sigh.

SELFRIDGE
Actually, we got lucky with him.

GRACE
Lucky? How is this in any way lucky?

As Selfridge saunters over to retrieve the ball --
16.



SELFRIDGE
Well -- lucky your guy had a twin
brother, and lucky the brother wasn’t an
oral hygienist or something. A Marine we
can use. I’m assigning him to your team
as security escort.

GRACE
The last thing I need is another trigger
happy asshole out there!

SELFRIDGE
Look, you’re supposed to be winning the
hearts and minds of the natives. Isn’t
that the whole point of your little
puppet show? If you look like them, if
you talk like them, they’ll trust you?

Selfridge crosses to his office, behind a glass wall nearby.
Grace follows.

SELFRIDGE
But after -- how many years? -- relations
with the indigenous are only getting
worse.

GRACE
That tends to happen when you use machine
guns on them.

On Selfridge’s desk is a magnetic base, and hovering in mid-
air, in the invisible field, is a lump of METALLIC ROCK.
Pure UNOBTANIUM. He grabs it and holds it up between thumb
and forefinger, in front of Grace’s eyes.

SELFRIDGE
This is why we’re here. Unobtanium.
Because this little gray rock sells for
twenty million a kilo. No other reason.
This is what pays for the party. And
it’s what pays for your science.
Comprendo?

He places it back in the magnetic field.

SELFRIDGE
Those savages are threatening our whole
operation. We’re on the brink of war and
you’re supposed to be finding a
diplomatic solution. So use what you’ve
got and get me some results.
CUT TO:
17.
Genres: ["Sci-Fi","Action","Drama"]

Summary Selfridge and Grace argue about the use of military force against the Na'vi people, while discussing the importance of unobtanium.
Strengths "Dialogue is engaging and moves the plot forward. The tension between Grace and Selfridge highlights the central conflict of the film."
Weaknesses "The scene lacks action or suspense. The exposition is heavy-handed."
Critique Overall, the scene is well-constructed with good use of dialogue and actions to reveal character and advance the story. However, some areas could use improvement.

First, the scene could benefit from more descriptive language to establish the setting and create a more immersive experience for the reader. While the description of the Ops Center is good, other details such as lighting and sounds could be added to enhance the mood and tone.

Second, the dialogue feels a little on-the-nose at times, particularly with Selfridge's explanation of the importance of Unobtanium. This could be improved by showing rather than telling, such as through visuals or actions.

Lastly, the scene could use more subtext and nuance to create a richer experience for the viewer. For example, instead of straightforwardly stating that Grace needs a research assistant, there could be implications about her struggling with her work or feeling unsupported by her colleagues.

Overall, with some tweaks to the writing, this scene could be even more effective in conveying the tension and conflict between the characters.
Suggestions 1. Clearer characterization: While Parker Selfridge is described as young, charismatic, and focused, it might be helpful to show his ruthlessness in action rather than just telling the audience. For example, he could have a conversation with someone else in the ops center where he makes a ruthless decision that goes against Grace's desires.

2. Streamline dialogue: Some of the dialogue in this scene can be condensed or removed altogether to make the conversation feel snappier and more focused. For example, the exchange where Grace insults Parker's security assistant can be shortened or cut entirely.

3. More clarity on the setting: While the script describes the ops center as having "lots of screens and bay windows showing the whole complex" it might be helpful to have more detail on the location itself. What does the furniture look like? What color are the walls? These small details can help bring the scene to life.

4. Visual storytelling: The dialogue in this scene is very heavy, and it would be great to sprinkle in more opportunities for visual storytelling. For example, we could see Parker hitting the golf ball or Grace kicking the practice cup to show their frustration with each other.

5. Focus on character motivations: The motivations of both Grace and Parker in this scene are fairly clear, but it might be helpful to dig deeper into what's driving them. For example, we know Parker wants results, but why does he care so much about the Unobtanium? Similarly, why is Grace so determined to find a diplomatic solution? Adding more depth to these character arcs can make the scene more engaging.



Scene 7 -  Avatar - Entering the Avatar Program
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 7
  • Characters: 9
  • Dialogue: 7
INT. LINK ROOM - DAY

NEXT MORNING, GRACE, NORM and JAKE approach their link units.

Jake glances through a PRESSURE WINDOW. In an adjoining
chamber (the AMBIENT ROOM) JAKE’S AVATAR lies on a gurney,
breathing slowly in PANDORAN AIR. NORM’S AVATAR is on a
second gurney. Both are attended by med techs in exo-masks.

Norm slips into his LINK CHAIR, expertly donning biometric
sensors.

GRACE
How much link time have you logged?

NORM
Five hundred and twenty hours.

Grace looks pointedly at Jake.

JAKE
Like -- an hour.

GRACE
Tell me you’re joking.

Grace opens the hood of Jake’s link unit. Jake starts
hauling himself across from his wheelchair. She reaches to
help him but --

JAKE
Don’t! I got this.

Grace steps back, hands raised. He drags himself into the
unit.

GRACE
So you just figured you’d come out here
to the most hostile environment known to
man, with no training of any kind, and
see how it went? What was going through
your head?

He meets her eyes with a defiant glare.

JAKE
Maybe I was just tired of doctors telling
me what I couldn’t do.

Grace watches him laboriously pull his inert legs into the
link chair by hand.
18.



Jake settles into the warm fluid gel packs lining the unit.
It seems to enfold him. Grace adjusts his biometric sensors,
then lowers the UPPER CLAMSHELL --

GRACE
Relax and let your mind go blank. That
shouldn’t be hard for you.

JAKE
Kiss the darkest part of my lily white --

But the SLAMMING HOOD muffles the rest.

MAX
Initiate link.

The LINK TECH touches some controls.

ON A LARGE MONITOR a 3D SCAN of Jake’s brain appears.
Regions of activity flow with complex shifting colors.

MAX
That’s a gorgeous brain. Nice activity.

GRACE
Go figure.
(walking away)
Alright, I’m going in.

TECH
Phase-lock at forty percent. He’s in
transition.

Max watches a display showing the avatar’s nervous system
aligning with Jake’s -- two ghostly networks of light
merging.

MAX
That’s it. Find your way home.

ECU JAKE, inside the link unit. His eyes move under the
lids, like a dreamer in REM sleep as --

INSIDE JAKE’S MIND -- radiant streamers coalesce into a
pulsing TUNNEL OF LIGHT and --

THE SCREEN FLARES WHITE -- ZZZWHAP! -- resolving into an
overexposed, out-of-focus image -- two BLURRY FACES wearing
masks, looking down.

ECU JAKE’S AVATAR -- two very intense eyes FILL FRAME, the
pupils contracting. Golden irises pulse with life.
19.



MAX
He’s in.

TECH
Phase-lock ninety nine percent. The link
is stable.

Blinking, Jake slowly sits up on the gurney. He looks down
at his AVATAR BODY, touching his chest with one hand.

MAX
Take it slow, Jake. We need to check
your motor control. Try touching your
fingertips together --

But Jake isn’t listening. He’s staring at his legs. He
eases them off the gurney and --

HIS BLUE FEET touch the concrete floor, taking his weight.

JAKE STANDS, feeling the strength in his legs. His
expression is child-like with wonder.

HIS POV -- looking down at the med techs, who seem the size
of children next to his 9’ tall frame.

He sees something like a blue tentacle curl across his arm
and he JERKS AROUND in alarm. HIS TAIL.

As he turns to see it, the tail sweeps instruments off a
table with a crash. Jake laughs and grins at Max.

MED TECH
Easy, Jake, I need you to sit down --

But Jake takes a step, then another. The wires to the bio-
monitors pull taut, and he yanks them off his chest.

MAX
Jake! Wait, we have to run some tests --

But Jake pushes past the protesting med techs, toward the
door and --
Genres: ["Sci-Fi","Action"]

Summary Jake, Norm, and Grace enter the bio-lab to meet their avatars. Grace insults Jake for having no training and he tells her he's tired of doctors telling him what he can't do. Grace helps Jake into the link chair and initiates the link. Jake enters his avatar body for the first time and marvels at his new body's strength and abilities.
Strengths "The scene establishes the Avatar Program, and shows the audience what it takes to control an Avatar in a richly described process. The tension between Jake and Grace makes for a compelling exchange. Furthermore, the vivid description of Jake's adjusting to his new Avatar body is exhilarating."
Weaknesses "The scene does not provide much in terms of tangible conflict, and is mostly exposition. The scene is considered exposition heavy, and the only conflict is derived from the tension between Grace and Jake."
Critique Overall, this scene does a good job of establishing the technology and environment of the story, as well as introducing the characters and their relationships. The conflict between Grace and Jake is clearly established, and sets up potential conflict for later in the story.

However, there are a few areas where the scene could be improved. The dialogue at times feels a bit on-the-nose, particularly in Grace's line about the "most hostile environment known to man." Additionally, the scene could benefit from a clearer sense of pacing, as there are moments where the action slows down for exposition, and other moments where things move very quickly with little buildup or explanation.

Finally, while the scene does a good job of setting up some intriguing possibilities for the story, it's not yet clear what the central conflict or driving force of the plot will be. This is only the first scene, of course, but it will be important for the screenwriter to establish more clearly what's at stake for the characters as the story progresses.
Suggestions Overall, this scene seems to have a clear plot point - Jake is attempting to link up with his avatar for the first time, but he is inexperienced compared to Norm and Grace. However, there are a few areas where the dialogue could be improved to better convey the characters' emotions and motivations.

Firstly, when Grace asks Jake how much link time he has logged, it would be more effective if Jake looked embarrassed or guilty rather than making a joke. This would better emphasize how unprepared he is compared to the others. Additionally, when Grace criticizes him for coming to Pandora with no training, Jake's reply of "Maybe I was just tired of doctors telling me what I couldn’t do" feels a bit clichéd and predictable. It might be more interesting if he had a more unique reason for wanting to take such a huge risk.

Another issue is that the dialogue during the linking process feels a bit repetitive and predictable - for example, when Max calls Jake's brain "gorgeous," it seems like a cheap attempt at humor. Additionally, the exchanges between Max and the other technicians feel sterile and clinical, even though this is supposedly a tense and exciting moment. If the dialogue were more emotive and specific to each character's personality, it could add more depth to the scene.

Finally, the description of Jake's reactions during the linking process could use more sensory detail to help the audience understand what he's experiencing. For example, instead of simply saying "His expression is child-like with wonder," the writer could describe the physical sensations that Jake is feeling or the images that are flashing through his mind. This would help the audience to better empathize with Jake's journey.



Scene 8 -  First Avatar Experience and Story Progression
  • Overall: 8.5
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 9
  • Dialogue: 8
EXT. AVATAR COMPOUND - DAY

Jake emerges, blinking in the morning sun. He finds himself
in the AVATAR COMPOUND -- a living and training area.

Nearby, a couple of AVATARS are playing one-on-one in front
of a (non-regulation height) basketball net. Others go about
their daily activities around the compound.
20.



Jake flexes his legs -- JUMPS -- and lands a little
unsteadily, but his expression is joyful.

He takes a few steps and breaks into a RUN. People are
calling to him, somehwere, but he doesn’t hear them -- he’s
running. RUNNING!

He finds himself in the COMPOUND GARDEN, and stops amid
neatly tended rows of ALIEN PLANTS. He looks down, wiggling
his toes in the warm soil. Then inhales deeply -- revelling
in the alien smells -- earth, plants, the nearby forest. He
looks at his bare footprint in the soil of an alien world.

GRACE (O.S.)
Hey Marine!

Jake turns at the familiar voice to see --

A statuesque FEMALE AVATAR walking toward him. AVATAR GRACE
is magnificent, with panther thighs, flat muscular stomach
and firm athlete’s breasts. She wears shorts and a T-shirt.
In human years she would be about 35.

JAKE
Grace?

GRACE
Well who’d you expect, numbnuts? Think
fast!

She throws him a piece of Pandoran fruit, which he catches.

GRACE
Motor control is looking good.

Jake bites into the fruit, the juice running down his chin.

NORM (O.S.)
Hey, check it out.

Jake turns to see NORM’S AVATAR posing like a bodybuilder --
chest shot, back shot, bi’s.

NORM
I am a living god.
CUT TO:

EXT. MINE PIT - DAY

A WIDE SHOT of the terraced crater of the UNOBTANIUM MINE. A
quiet beat, then --
21.



K-WHOOOOM! The entire face of one terrace is blown skyward
in a chain of EXPLOSIONS. The “shot” blasts hundreds of tons
of rock loose.

LONG LENS ANGLES of enormous WHEEL-LOADERS shovelling up ore-
rich rock and dropping it into DUMP TRUCKS.

EXT. RAINFOREST - DAY

A wall of steel FILLS FRAME. The DOZER BLADE crushes
everything in its path, reducing trees to kindling.

WIDER, showing the CLEAR-CUTTING operation near the mine, as
a road is cut through the jungle. Remotely operated DOZERS
three stories tall rip into the tree-line.

One of the dozers has rotating SLASH-CUTTER, a vicious
spinning head, mounted on a hydraulic arm, that hogs through
the enormous tree trunks in a spray of wood-shrapnel.

The heavy machines are escorted by AMPSUITS. COLONEL
QUARITCH, on foot, leads a squad of troopers wearing
breathing masks and carrying almighty big AUTOMATIC WEAPONS.

A BANSHEE -- a fearsome aerial predator -- HURTLES from
above, diving toward them on wings 3 meters across. We get a
glimpse of glassy fangs before --

P-P-POOM! Quaritch cranks off three rapid SHOTS with his
massive sidearm, and the creature drops with a SHRIEK.

It crashes near them and Quaritch FIRES two more well placed
rounds. The newbies stare at the thing’s barracuda teeth.

QUARITCH
For you pogues, this is a banshee. A
small one. See, they like it when I
bring fresh meat out here. And this
clearcutting really stirs up the hornet’s
nest. So keep your head on a swivel. If
it moves, shoot it. If you’re not sure
it’s moving -- shoot it! If it looks like
a bunch of flowers you want to take home
to Sally Rottencrotch -- SHOOT IT!
What’re you gonna do?

TROOPERS
Shoot it, sir!

QUARITCH
Outstanding. Let’s roll.
22.



Quaritch leads his squad into the gloom of the forest, his
eyes scanning. Flanking the squad, LYLE WAINFLEET drives an
AMPSUIT, his massive feet CRASHING through the underbrush.

As his gaze comes down, he sees something ahead of him on the
trail -- an intricate TOTEM of woven sticks, bones and
feathers hanging across the trail like an orb-weaver’s web.

He tears it down with the barrel of his rifle, and stomps it
into the mud as he moves on.

INT. AVATAR LONGHOUSE - DUSK

Jake sits on a wooden bed in a long hut of tropical-style
construction -- beamed ceiling, open sides covered by screen.

Around him the other avatars are bedding down for the night,
pulling insect netting around their cots. In one hand, Jake
holds the end of his long braided QUEUE of hair.

CLOSE ON the queue -- the ends of the hair writhe slowly with
their own life, like tendrils of a sea creature.

JAKE
That’s kinda freaky.

GRACE switches off the overheads.

GRACE
Lights out amigos. See ya’ at dinner.

Jake sits in the twilight, listening to the SCREECHES and
HOOTS from the forest. Finally he lies down, CLOSING HIS
EYES and --

INT. LINK ROOM - NIGHT

ECU HUMAN JAKE -- his eyes OPEN.

Jake blinks, disoriented, as Max opens the upper clamshell of
his link unit.

In the next chair Grace sits up, yawning and cracking her
neck as the scared tech runs to her with a lit cigarette.

GRACE
(looking down)
Damn. Same old sack a’ bones.

JAKE struggles with the dead weight of his legs as he hauls
himself out of the unit.
CUT TO
23.



INT. COMMISSARY - EARLY MORNING

JAKE sits with GRACE, NORM and the other avatar “drivers”,
while around them miners, troopers and other base personnel
wolf their breakfasts. Grace is engaged in a heated
conversation with another SCIENTIST.

Jake, isolated from the conversations around him, notices --

PILOT TRUDY CHACON approaching, dressed in her flight suit.
She’s a rock-hard former Marine with thousands of flight
hours out in the badlands.

TRUDY
Sully -- Colonel wants to see you in the
Armor Bay.

Jake gives Norm a puzzled glance and pivots from the table.
He wheels away, led by Trudy.

TIGHT ON GRACE, scowling as she watches him go.
CUT TO:
Genres: ["science fiction","action"]

Summary Jake emerges as an Avatar for the first time and is amazed by his new body's strength and abilities. Meanwhile, Colonel Quaritch leads a troop of soldiers to clear the forest and mine unobtanium, threatening the Na'vi people. Grace and Selfridge argue about the use of military force against the Na'vi people.
Strengths "The scene introduces key conflicts and intensifies the plot while showcasing the marvels of a new world and the Avatar experience, delivering tension and storytelling with a dynamic pace."
Weaknesses "The characterization of Quaritch is somewhat one-dimensional and the scene does not explore the consequences of the use of military force on the Na'vi people as much as it could."
Critique Overall, this scene is well-written and engaging, with good visual descriptions. However, there are a few areas that could be improved upon.

Firstly, the opening paragraph could benefit from more specific and vivid language. Rather than just stating that Jake is in a living and training area, the writer could describe the unique flora and fauna that are present in the Avatar compound. This would help to establish the world-building and make the scene feel more immersive for the reader.

Additionally, the dialogue between Grace and Jake could be tightened up. The banter between them feels somewhat cliché and lacks depth. More attention could be paid to developing their relationship and giving them distinct voices and personalities.

Finally, the scene transitions could be smoother. The cuts between different locations and character perspectives can feel abrupt and disjointed. By adding in transitional sentences or other cues, such as fade-to-black transitions, the scene could flow more seamlessly and allow the reader to better follow the action.
Suggestions One suggestion to improve this scene would be to focus more on the conflict between the humans and the Pandora natives. This could be done by showing more of the destruction caused by the mining operation and the impact it has on the environment and the natives. Additionally, the scene could benefit from more character development for Jake and his relationships with the other avatars and humans on the base. It would also be helpful to establish the stakes and consequences of the conflict, as well as the motives and goals of the different factions involved. This will create a stronger sense of tension and keep the audience engaged in the narrative. Finally, adding more sensory detail, such as sounds and smells, can help to immerse the audience in the world and make it feel more real.



Scene 9 -  Preparing for War
  • Overall: 8.5
  • Concept: 9
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 9
  • Dialogue: 8
INT. ARMOR BAY - MORNING

JAKE AND TRUDY enter the ARMOR BAY, passing TILT-ROTORS under
repair. There are the heavily armed SCORPIONS as well as
several SA-2 SAMSON work-horses outfitted with door guns and
rocket pods.

JAKE
You guys’re packing some heavy ordinance.

TRUDY
Yeah, ‘cause we’re not the only thing
flyin’ around out there. Or the biggest.
I’m gonna need you on a door gun, I’m a
man short.

JAKE
Yeah, no problem.

She extends her fist and he taps it with his.

TRUDY
See ya on the flight-line, zero nine.
(she points)
He’s down there.

Jake rolls his chair along the central gallery of the Armor
Bay, passing rows of AMPSUITS standing in service racks.
Techs clamber over the ‘suits, loading ordinance with cranes
and lifts.
24.



At the end of the row is a makeshift GYM area. QUARITCH is
bench-pressing massive plates.

QUARITCH
This low gravity makes you soft.
(pushing the last rep)
You get soft, Pandora will shit you out
dead with zero warning.

Quaritch racks the bar and sits up, sweating but not winded.

QUARITCH
I pulled your record, Corporal. Venezuela
-- that was some mean bush. Nothing like
this here, though. You got heart kid,
coming out here.

JAKE
I figured -- just another hellhole.

Quaritch chuckles appreciatively, claps him on the shoulder.
The CHIEF MECHANIC yells from the nearest AMPSUIT --

MECHANIC
That servo’s in, Colonel, if you want to
try it.

Quaritch crosses to the ‘suit, with Jake following.

QUARITCH
I was in First Recon a few years ahead of
you. More than a few. Two tours in
Nigeria, not a scratch. I come out here
and --

He points to his scarred face.

QUARITCH
They could fix this if I rotated back.
But you know what? I kinda like it.
Reminds me every day what’s out there.
Besides, I can’t leave --

He looks out, as if he can see through the wall to the tree-
line.

QUARITCH
This is my war, here.

Quaritch climbs the ‘suit and reaches into the cockpit,
throwing some switches. The ‘suit’s gas-turbine spools up
with a rising WHINE.
25.



QUARITCH
The avatar program is a joke -- buncha
limpdick scientists. But we have a
unique opportunity here, you and I. A
recon Marine in an avatar body could get
me the intel I need, on the ground, right
in the hostiles’ camp.

The WHINE is now a roaring WHOOSH as the ‘suit trembles with
power. The air boils above the exhaust vents.

Quaritch reaches in and operates the controls, flexing one
huge hand. He nods to the waiting mechanic --

QUARITCH
Looks good.
(to Jake)
I need you to learn about these savages,
gain their trust. Find out how I can
force their cooperation, or hit ‘em hard
if they don’t. Maybe you can keep some
of my boys from going home like you. Or
bagged-and-tagged.

JAKE
(nodding)
That sounds real good, Colonel. So -- am
I still with Augustine?

QUARITCH
On paper. You walk like one of her
science pukes, you quack like one, but
you report to me. Can you do that for
me?

Jake nods. Quaritch brings the ‘suit to life. He steps
forward and pivots smoothly.

He balances the two ton machine on one foot while sweeping
the arms in strong, graceful arcs. Jake realizes he is doing
a WU-SHOO KATA. A flawless display of strength and control.
He’s impressive, and Jake is impressed. Quaritch is the kind
of man he respects -- focused, hard. Determined.

QUARITCH
Look, son -- I take care of my own. Get
me what I need, I’ll see you get your
legs back when you rotate home. Your real
legs.

He raises the ‘suit’s hand, and slams the canopy shut like
the visor of a helmet. Jake watches Quaritch walk past, huge
feet CLANGING -- KUNG! KUNG! KUNG!
26.



INT. BIO LAB - DAY

GRACE is on the move, gulping coffee, in a hurry to get their
FIRST SORTIE started. She hands a clipboard to MAX.

GRACE
Start calibrating. We’re on the flight
line in ten minutes.

Max nods and jogs ahead toward the LINK ROOM. JAKE and NORM
fall in with Grace as they enter the CONNECTING CORRIDOR.

GRACE
What did Atilla want?

JAKE
Just Marines comparin’ tattoos.

GRACE
(not buying it)
Yeah. Well, listen to me, Marine --

She stops, turning to drill him with a look.

GRACE
-- you’re driving an avatar, now. That
means you’re in my world, got it?

JAKE
Got it.

She turns and enters the LINK ROOM.
Genres: ["science fiction","action"]

Summary Jake and Trudy discuss the importance of weaponry in preparation for their upcoming mission. Jake meets Colonel Quaritch and learns of his plan to gather intelligence on the Na'vi people through the use of an avatar. Grace is impatient and eager to begin their mission.
Strengths
  • Introduces important characters and sets up main plot of the film
  • Introduces important themes of colonization and militarization
  • Showcases skill and strength of quaritch as a character
Weaknesses
  • Somewhat cliched dialogue between Quaritch and Jake
  • Some exposition feels heavy-handed and forced
Critique As a screenwriting expert, here are my critiques of the scene:

- The description of the location and the weapons is very detailed, which sets the scene well, but it doesn't really add anything to the story or the characters. It feels more like a technical description rather than a narrative one.

- The dialogue between Jake and Trudy is functional. It establishes that they need heavy weapons, and that Jake is willing to help. However, it lacks personality and depth. It's just a way to move the plot forward.

- The introduction of Quaritch is interesting, as he seems like a tough and experienced military man. However, the dialogue between Jake and Quaritch feels a bit forced and exposition-heavy. It's clear that Quaritch is setting Jake up for a mission, but the way he delivers his lines is a bit on-the-nose.

- The action description in the scene is well-written, especially the part where Quaritch does a kung-fu kata. However, it doesn't really add anything to the story, and it feels like a bit of a detour.

- The final scene in the bio lab is functional, but it's also a bit forgettable. It's just a way to set up the next scene, and there's not much drama or conflict in it.

Overall, the scene could benefit from more nuanced character interactions and more meaningful dialogue. While the action description is well-written, it could also be more focused on character development and motivations.
Suggestions One suggestion would be to add more specific details to the scene, such as describing the atmosphere or the characters' body language. This would help to create a more vivid and engaging scene for the reader or viewer. For example, instead of simply stating "Quaritch chuckles appreciatively, claps him on the shoulder," the writer could describe how the claps felt, or what Quaritch's facial expression looked like. Additionally, the writer could add more dialogue that reveals character motivations and conflicts, making the scene more dynamic. For example, rather than having Quaritch simply explain his plan to Jake, he could have a heated conversation with Grace about the ethics of their mission, adding tension to the scene.



Scene 10 -  Entering the Jungle
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 7
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 7
  • Dialogue: 7
INT. LINK ROOM

Grace crosses to the controls of Jake’s LINK UNIT. As the
others catch up --

GRACE
That son of a bitch has screwed up this
program enough. All this --
(indicating link room)
-- exists so we can go out there and
build a bridge of trust to these people,
who could teach us so much. But thanks
to Quaritch and his thugs the Na’vi won’t
even talk to us anymore.

JAKE
Then how’s this supposed to work?
27.



GRACE
We have a new face.
(turning to Norm)
You’re fluent, you’ve studied the
culture. You’re non-threatening. The
ones we know best -- the Omaticaya clan --
may give you a chance. Maybe you can get
them back to the table before things go
tits-up for good.

NORM
This is failing as a pep talk.

Jake hauls himself across from wheelchair to link.

JAKE
How do we contact them?

GRACE
We don’t. They contact us. If they see
us taking our samples, treating the
forest with respect --
(pointedly to Jake)
Not trampling everything in sight --
they may reach out to us.

JAKE
Or they may skin us and make a drum.

Jake lies back, lowering the sensor array over his body.

GRACE
Just keep your mouth shut and let Norm do
the talking.

She closes his clamshell, HARD, and we --
CUT TO:

EXT. RAIN FOREST / AERIAL - DAY

FLYING over a carpet of rainforest, past sheer cliffs and
cloud-wreathed mesas. TRUDY’S SAMSON TILT-ROTOR chases its
shadow across the treetops. Though big as a Blackhawk, it is
tiny in the vast primeval landscape.

ANGLE THROUGH the open side doors of the Samson. Trooper
WAINFLEET, in exo-mask and body armor, leans on his door gun,
scanning for aerial predators.

In avatar form JAKE, GRACE and NORM watch the forest
unrolling beneath them, the wind blasting their clothes.
Jake mans the other door gun, his feet propped on the skids.
28.



TRUDY flies from a pressurized cockpit. She banks to follow a
shallow river.

TRUDY (INTERCOM)
Sturmbeest herd, one o’clock.

Norm grins and points, excitedly. Jake looks in time to see--
A herd of STURMBEEST -- massive six-legged creatures
reminiscent of buffalo -- thundering across the river.

GRACE
Looks like a bull, six cows and some
juveniles.

NORM
The bull has the red on the dorsal armor?

Grace nods approvingly.

TIME CUT -- Hundreds of purple winged creatures take flight
from a lake, startled by the Samson. They skim the water
above their own reflections. TETRAPTERONS.

TIME CUT -- the ground drops away as the Samson flies over a
WATERFALL hundreds of feet high. Trudy banks hard, rolling
in on the gorge below like it’s a gun-run.

Wainfleet WHOOPS while Norm looks like he’s about to puke.

WAINFLEET
Yo Chacon! Get some!

Jake grins into the airstream.
CUT TO:

EXT. CLEARING - DAY

A small meadow among towering trees. The fern-like “grass”
is beaten down in waves by the rotor-wash as the Samson
settles to the ground.

Jake pulls the massive door gun off its pintle mount and
hefts it like an assault rifle.

He and Wainfleet leap out to secure the LZ, scanning the tree-
line warily, weapons aimed.

Grace jogs forward to the cockpit, motioning Trudy to shut
down. Trudy kills the Samson’s TURBINES.

Grace, towering over Wainfleet, motions him to hang back.
29.



GRACE
Stay with the ship.
(for Jake)
One idiot with a gun’s enough.

WAINFLEET
Whatever you say, Doc.

Jake takes point as they enter the jungle.

WAINFLEET
(laughing)
Ya’ll have fun out there.

EXT. RAINFOREST - DAY

The forest engulfs JAKE, GRACE and NORM in cyan gloom. The
shadows are alive with the CHITTERING sounds of unseen alien
wildlife.

TRACKING WITH JAKE as he moves through the foliage, hyper-
alert -- looking around like a tourist in Hell.A monkey-like
PROLEMURIS leaping from limb to limb overhead, flashing
through the sunlight streaming down in shafts.

A PLANT with swaying tendrils which reach toward Jake as he
passes.

This forest is more alive than any on Earth, with plants that
react and move like animals. Jake white-knuckles his rifle
as if every shadow conceals razor-fanged death.

GRACE
Relax, Marine. You’re making me nervous.

She pushes ahead of him on the trail, forcing him to lower
his muzzle as he follows her. Grace moves nimbly on the
path, seemingly unconcerned.
CUT TO:

EXT. FOREST/ GLEN

WIDE SHOT as the party moves between the huge trees, tiny as
ants. The trail has gotten steeper, the going tougher.
CUT TO:

EXT. SCHOOL RUINS - DAY

They enter a clearing with an OVERGROWN BUILDING made of
timbers cut from the local trees, with a thatch roof. It is
covered with vines as the jungle reclaims it.
30.



NORM
How will they know we’re here?

GRACE
I’m sure they’re watching us right now.

Norm gulps. Jake looks behind him as they approach the
school, feeling unseen eyes.
CUT TO:
Genres: ["Sci-Fi","Adventure","Action"]

Summary The team of Jake, Grace, and Norm enter the jungle to make contact with the Omaticaya clan. They travel by Samson Tilt-rotor and are amazed by the flora and fauna of Pandora. The tension between Jake and Grace continues as she insults him and he shows his frustration with doctors telling him what he can't do. Colonel Quaritch leads a troop of soldiers to clear the forest and mine unobtanium, posing a threat to the Na'vi people. Jake and Trudy discuss the importance of weaponry for their mission.
Strengths "The scene has a strong sense of adventure and exploration, with stunning visuals of the flora and fauna of Pandora. The tension between Jake and Grace continues to develop, adding depth to their characters and motivation for their actions. The theme of respecting nature and other cultures is present throughout the scene."
Weaknesses "The scene lacks a clear objective or goal for the characters, making it feel somewhat aimless. The conflict with Colonel Quaritch and the Na'vi people is introduced but not fully developed in this scene."
Critique Overall, the scene seems well-crafted with a clear sense of purpose and stakes driving the action. However, there are a few areas for improvement.

Firstly, the dialogue between Grace, Jake, and Norm could benefit from more subtext. The conversation feels a bit too on-the-nose, with characters delivering exposition and stating their objectives outright. It would be more engaging if there were more layers to their exchange, where they are saying one thing but meaning another.

Secondly, there could be more description of the setting. While the scene does include some detail about the rainforest, it would be even more immersive if there were more sensory details about the environment, such as the smell of the jungle, the feeling of the hot and humid air, or the sounds of the alien creatures. This would help to transport the audience even further into the world of the story.

Finally, it might be helpful to add more specific actions or movements for the characters to perform as they converse. The scene could benefit from more physicality, where characters are doing something while they speak, such as Grace adjusting her controls, Jake fiddling with his gear, or Norm nervously looking around at the unfamiliar surroundings. These details would bolster the scene's realism and make it feel more dynamic.
Suggestions One suggestion would be to add more tension and conflict in the dialogue between Grace and Jake. Currently, their exchange is relatively calm, even though they are discussing the failure of their mission and the potential danger they are putting themselves in by trying to make contact with the Na'vi. Adding more urgency and emotion to their conversation would help to heighten the stakes and engage the audience.

Additionally, there could be more visual description of the environment they are in. While there are some vivid descriptions of the flora and fauna, adding more sensory detail would further immerse the audience in the world of the film.

Finally, there could be more physical action and interaction between the characters, especially during the scene in the forest. Having them navigate obstacles together or face more obstacles as they try to reach their destination would help to add more tension and excitement to the scene.



Scene 11 -  Exploring the Ruins
  • Overall: 7.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 6
  • Characters: 7
  • Dialogue: 6
INT. SCHOOL RUINS

TRACKING WITH JAKE’S BOOTS as he steps among dried leaves and
a few moldering CHILDREN’S BOOKS. Floorboards CREAK.

GRACE (O.S.)
The kids were so bright, so eager to
learn... they picked up English faster
than I could teach it to them.

WIDER as Jake explores the room. Grace and Norm are selecting
INSTRUMENTS from storage cases on a wooden table.

GRACE
Bring the soil probe -- right there,
yellow case.

Jake looks up at a RUSTLING among the dark rafters. Roosting
STINGBATS eye him warily, fluttering their wings.

Grace picks up a moldering copy of “The Lorax” by Dr. Seuss
from the floor and puts it back on a shelf.

GRACE
(wistfully)
The stingbats knock them off. I guess I
always hope somebody will come back and
read them.

NORM
Why don’t they come back?

GRACE
(grimly)
The Na’vi learned as much about us as
they needed to know.

Jake sees something, and approaches the blackboard -- reaches
out to touch a pattern of holes blasted into the slate.
Unmistakably BULLET HOLES.
31.



JAKE
(turning to her)
What happened here?

GRACE
(sharply)
Are you going to help with this gear?
We’ve got a lot to do.

She turns away. Jake watches her as he jams equipment into
his pack.
CUT TO:
Genres: ["Science Fiction","Action"]

Summary Jake and his team explore a ruined school and learn about the Na'vi's knowledge of the humans. Grace reminisces about the children who used to learn English from her and Jake discovers bullet holes in the blackboard.
Strengths "Introduces more information about the Na'vi and the human conflict, sets up a sense of danger and tension with the presence of bullet holes, and shows Grace's character as compassionate and nostalgic."
Weaknesses "Some may find the scene slow or lacking in action."
Critique Overall, the scene is well-written and provides visual descriptions that enhance the reader's understanding of the setting and characters. However, there are a few areas that could be improved.

Firstly, the dialogue between Grace and Jake lacks depth and emotion. Their conversation feels flat and doesn't reveal much about their characters or their relationship. To make the scene more engaging, the writer could add more subtext and conflict between the characters. For example, Jake could express his curiosity about the bullet holes and Grace could push back against his questions, revealing some tension in their dynamic.

Additionally, the scene lacks a clear goal or objective for the characters. While it's clear they are gathering instruments and equipment, there isn't a clear sense of what they are trying to accomplish or why it is important. Adding a sense of urgency or a specific objective would give the scene more tension and purpose.

Finally, the scene ends abruptly without any resolution or further development. It would be more effective to end on a cliffhanger or reveal a new piece of information that propels the narrative forward. Without some sort of change or progression, the scene feels static and doesn't engage the reader's attention.

Overall, the scene has potential but could benefit from more dynamic dialogue, clear objectives, and a more compelling ending.
Suggestions Here are some suggestions to improve the scene:

1. Show more of Jake's emotions: As the protagonist, it's important to see more of Jake's emotions in this scene. What is he feeling as he explores the school ruins and sees the bullet holes? Is he angry, sad, or curious? Including some internal dialogue or describing his body language can help to add depth to his character.

2. Add some tension: The scene lacks tension and conflict. Consider adding some conflict between Jake and Grace or Norm to make the scene more dynamic. Perhaps there is a disagreement about the approach they should take to their work, or Jake discovers something that Grace or Norm don't want him to know. This can help to create a sense of suspense and keep the audience engaged.

3. Use visual cues to show the setting: Instead of relying on dialogue to describe the setting, use visual cues to show the audience what the school ruins look like. Include details such as the state of the building, the overgrown vegetation, or the weather conditions to create a sense of place and help the audience imagine the scene more vividly.

4. Raise the stakes: The scene needs to have higher stakes to create more tension and keep the audience engaged. Perhaps there is a time crunch and they need to finish their work quickly before a storm hits, or there is a sense of danger lurking nearby, such as predators or enemies. This can add a layer of urgency and make the scene more exciting.

5. Develop Grace and Norm's characters: Grace and Norm are important supporting characters, but they feel somewhat one-dimensional in this scene. To make them more interesting, consider adding more backstory or personality traits that can help to flesh out their characters. This can also add some depth to their interactions with Jake and make the scene more engaging.



Scene 12 -  Jake's Encounter with the Thanator
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 9
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 9
  • Dialogue: 6
EXT. RAINFOREST - DAY

CLOSE ON Grace’s blue hand gently brushing away soil,
exposing a tangle of ROOT TENDRILS.

GRACE
See, right here where the roots of the
two trees interact.

WIDER -- GRACE and NORM crouch among enormous octopoidal
roots. She takes a tiny sample using a needle-like probe.
Norm uses a digital DEVICE to scan the roots.

JAKE, bored, scouts ahead a few meters.

He comes to a GLADE filled with shoulder-high SPIRAL PLANTS
called HELICORADIANS.

He BRUSHES one and SHTOONK! -- it SUCKS DOWN into a tube in
the ground so quickly it seems to simply vanish.

Curious, Jake touches another -- SHTOONK! And another --
like popping balloons after a party. SHTOONK! SHTOONK!
SHTOONK!

A chain reaction begins and the whole colony pulls down into
the ground, REVEALING --

A HAMMERHEAD TITANOTHERE. Like a six-legged rhinoceros, but
twice that size. Its massive, low-slung head has projections
of bone giving it the look of a hammerhead shark.

Its baleful eyes lock onto him. Jake raises his rifle.

Grace, alerted by the creature’s SNORTS, runs to where she
can see the tableau. She presses her THROAT MIKE.

GRACE
Don’t shoot. You’ll piss it off.
32.



The bull HAMMERHEAD bellows and lowers its 3 meter wide
sledgehammer of a skull.

JAKE
It’s already pissed off!

GRACE
Jake, that armor’s too thick. Trust me.

Jake starts to back away. The hammerhead bellows again,
pawing the earth.

GRACE
It’s a territorial threat display. Do not
run, or he’ll charge.

JAKE
What do I do?

GRACE
Hold your ground!

The hammerhead SLASHES its head sideways, splintering
saplings. It bellows again, lowers its head and CHARGES --

Jake SCREAMS at the top of his lungs, spreads his arms wide
and runs straight at the thing.

It STOPS abruptly, with an oversized BLEAT.

ON JAKE -- amazed the gambit worked.

JAKE
Oh yeah! Who’s bad?! That’s right.

SOMETHING rises up behind him out of focus --

A THANATOR. The most awesome land predator the universe has
ever conceived This thing could eat a T-rex and have the
Alien for desert.

It is a black six-limbed panther from Hell, with an armored
head and massive distensible jaws.

JAKE, unaware of the advancing thanator, is still bracing the
hammerhead --

JAKE
That’s what I’m talkin’ about, bitch!

The bull wheels around, TRUMPETING in fear, and CRASHES away
through splintering undergrowth.
33.



JAKE
That’s right motherf--

A guttural SNARL behind him. Jake spins in time to see --

THREE TONS of rippling thanator LAUNCH over him, landing
between him and the hammerhead. The ground shakes.

The thanator emits an earsplitting ROAR, enraged that the
hammerhead got away. It twists on itself, turning to face
Jake, and bares its fangs with a lethal HISS.

JAKE
What about this one? Run, don’t run?
What?

GRACE
Run. Definitely RUN!

Jake BOLTS as --

The thanator LEAPS after him and --

Jake launches himself between two large trunks, forcing the
beast to claw its way around to the side while --

Jake scrambles up -- around -- over a tangle of roots and --

SK-RASH!! CLAWS SLASH the air behind him, EXPLODING bark off
a trunk as --

JAKE wills himself forward in a frenzy. With rippling muscle
the beast is airborne again, blacking out the sun but --

JAKE dives under a massive root system, and --

CRASH! Kindling rains around him as the beast tears into the
root-trunks above him. Claws SLASH down next to him as he
rolls and crawls --

Glistening jaws SMASH and SNAP against the barrier trunks,
sending chunks of wood flying. It’s spittle sprays across
Jake, jaws inches away as --

He rolls onto his back, and FIRES his AR point blank but the
rifle is SNATCHED out of his hands. The beast SCREECHES an
ungodly WAIL of pain and rage and -- RIPS the ENTIRE TRUNK
away. Jake scrambles to escape but --

GLISTENING JAWS lunge downward, SNAP SHUT and --

The creature rips Jake out of the tree, shaking him like a
junkyard dog with a rabbit, only --
34.



It has him by the BACKPACK, so Jake unlatches it and --

He FLIES FREE as the thanator crushes the pack with its
teeth. Giving Jake a moment to sprint away, but --

With a hideous BELLOW the thanator crashes after him,
splintering trees.

JAKE RUNS in a blur, dodging between trunks as a glistening
black tornado shreds the forest behind him and --

He sees WATER ahead and DIVES OUTWARD with all his might --

The thanator’s jaws SNAP SHUT inches behind him as he flies
out into open space and --

JAKE SPLASHES down into a swiftly moving river.

The thanator LEAPS DOWN AFTER HIM, pursuing from rock to
rock, its claws swiping like a grizzly fishing for salmon.

Jake ducks under as -- FWHOOSH! -- black claws SLASH past
his face amid turbulent bubbles.

A WATERFALL ahead. Jake is swept over the falls, with the
thanator SWIPING at him from a rock, just MISSING and --

Jake disappears down the throat of the thundering cataract.

EXT. RIVER BELOW FALLS - DAY

The water boils below the cataract. Jake’s head bursts
through the surface, and he gasps for breath.

He is carried along by the current, but manages to grab a
limb on a fallen tree. He weakly pulls himself up, and just
lies there gasping on the trunk.

Above him, on the cliff, the THANATOR BELLOWS, a roar which
echoes across the jungle.
CUT TO:
Genres: ["Action","Adventure","Sci-Fi"]

Summary While exploring the rainforest of Pandora, Jake and his team encounter a hammerhead titanotheres which they manage to fend off, but Jake is then chased by a massive predator known as a thanator. He narrowly escapes by diving into a river and going over a waterfall.
Strengths "intense and thrilling action sequence that showcases the dangers of Pandora's wildlife"
Weaknesses "dialogue is somewhat cheesy and predictable"
Critique Overall, this scene is action-packed and visually thrilling, but it could benefit from some tightening up in terms of pacing and clarity.

The opening shot of Grace brushing away soil and examining root tendrils is a bit slow and could be shortened or combined with a later shot for more efficiency.

The introduction of the spiral plants and subsequent reveal of the hammerhead titanotheres feels a bit rushed and jarring. It might be beneficial to extend the suspense and exploration of the plant life before introducing such a massive and intimidating creature.

The dialogue between Grace and Jake could be more concise and impactful. Some of their lines feel repetitive or unnecessary.

The introduction of the thanator is impressive, but the description of the creature feels overly wordy and could benefit from more concise, impactful language.

The action of the scene is well described and intense, but in some cases it feels a bit frenetic and hard to follow. Tightening up the pacing and clarity of the action could help make the scene even more thrilling and immersive.

Overall, there is a lot to work with in this scene, but some careful polishing and editing could elevate it to even greater heights.
Suggestions As a screenwriting AI language model, I have a few suggestions to improve the mentioned scene:

- Firstly, it would be helpful to establish the characters and their relationships with each other before this scene. It could be useful to show what they are doing in this place and how they got there.

- The dialogue between characters could be tightened to make it more efficient. For example, instead of "What about this one? Run, don't run? What?" Jake could simply ask, "What should I do?"

- There could be a clearer description of the setting, especially when it comes to the blocking of characters and their movement. For instance, it is not clear how far away Jake is from Grace and Norm or the hammerhead titantheres. Adding more details about the environment can enhance the tension in the scene.

- Lastly, it may be useful to add more sensory details to the scene. For instance, adding the sound of the waterfall or the smell of the rainforest can make the scene more vivid and immersive.



Scene 13 -  Ambushed by Neytiri
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 7
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 7
EXT. RAINFOREST - DAY

JAKE, wet and bruised, crouches under a screen of giant
leaves. He hacks manically at the end of a cut sapling with
his knife, forming a crude but sharp tip.

EXT. RAINFOREST - DAY

TRACKING with Jake as he walks through the forest like it’s a
minefield, carrying his SPEAR white-knuckled. He is freaked
and hyper-alert.
35.



The trees here are a hundred meters high, blocking out the
sky. A few pencil beams of sunlight filter down into the
cyan gloom.

POV FROM ABOVE -- looking down through leaves we watch Jake
move warily through the forest.

ECU -- TWO GOLDEN EYES, bright in the shadows.

DOWNANGLE as Jake passes under a tree limb. Invisible to
him, draped on the limb like a leopard, is a striking NA’VI
GIRL. She watches, only her eyes moving.

She is lithe as a cat, with a long neck, muscular shoulders,
and nubile breasts. And she is devastatingly beautiful --
for a girl with a tail. In human age she would be 18. Her
name is NEYTIRI(nay-Tee-ree).

Jake passes less than 2 meters beneath her, oblivious.

NEYTIRI rises soundlessly. In one fluid, sinuous movement
she NOCKS an arrow to her BOW and DRAWS, aiming RIGHT AT
JAKE. Utterly silent.

Below her Jake is totally unaware of the arrow aimed at his
THROAT.

ON NEYTIRI as she follows him with the bow, muscles tensing
for the shot --

-- and SOMETHING drifts down in front of her, F.G. She
hesitates.

RACK FOCUS to the tip of the arrow -- where a single
WOODSPRITE floats down to land on the arrow-head.Like a
dandelion seed, but larger, the WOODSPRITE waves its silky
CILIA, feather light, as it balances on the deadly point. It
glows faintly in the dark shadows.

NEYTIRI frowns, puzzled, and LOWERS her bow slowly. The
woodsprite WHIRLS away into the gloom.
CUT TO:

INT./EXT. SAMSON - SUNSET

GRACE and NORM peer down into the shadowed forest as TRUDY
banks in a search pattern.

TRUDY (INTERCOM)
I’m going to have to call it, guys. We’re
not allowed to run night ops. Colonel’s
orders.
36.



Grace looks to the west. The sun setting behind alien trees.

GRACE
Shit.

TRUDY
Sorry, Doc. He’s just gonna have to hang
on ‘till morning.

GRACE
He’s not going to make it till morning.

Grace stares into the dark forest as the Samson banks hard,
thundering away toward the setting sun.
CUT TO:
Genres: ["Action","Adventure","Science Fiction"]

Summary Jake cautiously navigates through the dense forest, only to find himself face to face with Neytiri, a young Na'vi huntress. She draws her bow, ready to attack, but is stopped by a glowing wood sprite that manages to distract her. The scene ends with Grace and Norm leaving Jake behind to spend the night in the forest, where danger lurks around every corner.
Strengths "The tension in the scene is high and the introduction of Neytiri adds a layer of mystery and danger to the story. The use of the wood sprite adds a touch of magic and the sunset backdrop sets a moody tone."
Weaknesses "The scene feels like a setup for what's to come rather than a self-contained moment. The dialogue is a bit clunky and lacks subtlety."
Critique The scene is well-written and visually descriptive, creating a vivid image of a dangerous rainforest and the tense situation that the protagonist finds himself in. However, there is a slight issue with the introduction of the Na'vi girl Neytiri. While her appearance is described in detail, there is no clear reason why she is there or why she is pointing an arrow at Jake. This could be further developed to create more depth to the scene and enhance the character dynamics. Additionally, it is unclear why the woodsprite distracts Neytiri and causes her to lower her bow. Overall, the scene has potential but could benefit from further exploration of character motivations and interactions.
Suggestions Some suggestions to improve the scene:

- Give more context to Jake's situation. Why is he wet and bruised? What led him to be in the rainforest in the first place? Adding some exposition will help the audience understand and empathize with him more.
- Show Jake's emotions more clearly. We're told he's freaked and hyper-alert, but we don't see any of that in his actions or expressions. Show him looking around nervously, maybe even startled by some noises in the forest.
- Instead of a POV shot from above, consider using a tracking shot behind Jake's shoulder. This will keep the audience more engaged and allow them to see what Jake sees.
- Show more of Neytiri's reaction to the woodsprite. Right now, it's a bit unclear why the woodsprite would make her lower her bow. Does she recognize it as a sacred creature or is she just confused by its presence? Adding more context to this moment will make it more impactful.
- Consider adding some dialogue to the scene between Grace and Norm on the Samson. This will break up the action and give the audience a chance to catch their breath.



Scene 14 -  Surviving the Viperwolves
  • Overall: 8.5
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 7
EXT. RAINFOREST - NIGHT

LONG LENS-- POLYPHEMUS. The giant planet rises behind the
black trees.

Jake’s got a new problem. He sees shapes moving with liquid
grace in the NIGHT shadows behind him. He is being stalked by
a pack of VIPERWOLVES.

Jake catches only glimpses -- a glint of eyes, a slinking
black movement -- then nothing. Darkness.

TIME CUT -- TIGHT ON Jake’s hands as he knots his T-shirt
around the butt end of the spear.

ANGLE ON THICK SAP trickling down a tree-trunk. Jake jams
the makeshift torch into the sap, soaking the shirt with it.

A WATERPROOF MATCH from his survival kit lights the torch.

The torch creates a pool of light surrounded by pulsing,
leaping shadows. Jake turns warily as he moves along the
trail.

Behind him are several pairs of reflective green EYES.
Another pair flanking him beside the trail. Black-on-black
SHAPES which seem to flow like liquid.

He looks up -- sees one cross a limb overhead. Another on
his opposite flank.

Then a hideous sound, like a hyena's psychotic LAUGH.

The VIPERWOLVES can run like a dog and climb like a monkey.
They are hunting Jake from the ground and the trees.
37.



JAKE RUNS by torch-light, on the edge of panic. He reaches a
steep banked stream and -- without thinking -- runs across it
on a horizontal trunk --

-- and STOPS DEAD on the other side. The torch illuminates
GREEN EYES cutting ahead of him across the trail. The
viperwolves have him encircled.

The psychotic BARKS become more intense as they signal each
other, getting excited. ONE MAKES A RUN at him, angling on
his legs from behind but --

JAKE WHIRLS, jamming the torch in its face. It yips and goes
past, but ANOTHER moves in --

He jabs it with the business end of the spear and it SNARLS,
retreating, baring its fangs.

Now half a dozen are circling him in the open, and he sees
what he’s up against. The VIPERWOLVES are six-limbed with
shiny chitinous skin, their paws leathery BLACK HANDS.
Intelligent eyes. Glistening black teeth in dead white gums.

Jake realizes that he is making his final stand. He whirls
the torch in an arc, keeping them at bay --

And feels a rush of adrenaline. It goes through him like a
lightning bolt and the fear is gone.

JAKE
(screaming)
I don’t have all goddamn night! Come on!
Come on!

With snarls and a blur of motion THEY ATTACK.

Jake CRACKS the spear down on one, then SPINS as --

ANOTHER LEAPS at him and he plants the spear in it, striking
true, but --

Its momentum wrenches it from his hands, and the torch goes
flying. Left in semi-darkness, Jake draws his KNIFE as--

A WOLF LUNGES, sinking its teeth into his arm. He YELLS in
pain and fury, SLASHING with the knife which --

CUTS deep into the beast’s shoulder and it lets go.

JAKE SPRINTS, trying to escape, but a snarling viperwolf
leaps, GRABBING him by the ankle with its fore-hand. Jake
tears away, sprawling, SCRAMBLING to get up as --
38.



THREE WOLVES charge at once. The nearest LEAPS at his throat
just as --

THUNK!! -- an ARROW appears in its chest.

The wolf lands on him, already a dead weight. He pushes it
off in time to see --

A BLUE AMAZON emerge from the trees, nock another arrow, draw
and FIRE in one fluid motion. AN UNEARTHLY YOWL as another
wolf falls.

NEYTIRI LEAPS right over Jake, and CRACKS her bow down on the
skull of a circling wolf.

ANOTHER SPRINGS at her and she drops under its weight, but
rolls, coming up on top of it with a knife in her hand.

Her knife FLASHES down, buried to the hilt in its chest.

SNARLING, a wounded wolf attacks Jake, and he KICKS it away,
but --

It SPINS and leaps back onto him, and Jake barely catches its
throat in time to keep the SNAPPING JAWS away from his face.

MEANWHILE Neytiri swings her bow in a big arc, CRACKING IT
across the heads and shoulders of two remaining wolves.

NEYTIRI
Rrreeyaaah! Hyaaaah!!

The wolves slink and circle, yelping as the bow whistles past
them. Finally they break and run, with Neytiri chasing and--

They bound away through the foliage as she SHOUTS after them--

NEYTIRI
Raaaarrrr!

Jake has his adversary pinned and is choking it with all his
weight. Finally it stops thrashing. Panting, he releases it
and looks up at --

NEYTIRI. Her tail LASHES as she scans the forest, listening
to the fading YELPS of the wolves. Satisfied the attack is
over, she turns.

She regards him coldly for a second, then walks past him.
Neytiri picks up the torch and extinguishes it in a stream.

JAKE
Wait, don’t --
39.



Jake blinks around at the darkness -- realizing he can still
see. In fact, with the blinding torchlight gone, the forest
is transformed.

The jungle has come alive with BIOLUMINESCENCE -- spots and
patterns, ghosts and galaxies of blue-green light.

Jake scrambles to recover his spear. Neytiri kneels beside --

A DYING WOLF. It’s CRIES are pitiful. It paws the air,
trying to raise its head. She pulls her KNIFE from its
chest.

NEYTIRI
(in Na’vi)
Forgive me, my brother.

She cuts its throat, ending the pitiful cries. She touches
its head gently, regarding it with sadness.

Neytiri wipes the knife and returns it to the sheath at her
waist. She crosses to another slain wolf and kneels, pulling
the arrow from its heart.

JAKE
Look, um, I know you probably don’t
understand this. But -- thanks. Thank
you. I owe you.

Neytiri ignores him, assuming a prayer posture over the dead
animal.

NEYTIRI
(in Na’vi)
Forgive me. May your spirit run with the
Great Mother.

JAKE
I would have been screwed if you hadn’t
come along --

She rises and walks away without looking at Jake.

JAKE
Hey, wait. Wait! Where you goin’?

He crashes through some plants, catching up to her.

JAKE
Slow down a second will you. I just want
to thank you for killing those --

He makes the mistake of grasping her shoulder and --
40.



WHACK! She WALLOPS him upside the head with her bow in a
fierce backhand swing, laying him out flat.

He looks up to see a FURY standing over him. A Fury who
speaks English -- accented, halting, angry English.

NEYTIRI
Don’t thank! You don’t thank for this!
This is sad. Very sad, only.

JAKE
Okay, I’m sorry. Whatever I did -- I’m
sorry.

She gestures at the bodies of the viperwolves.

NEYTIRI
All this is your fault! They did not need
to die.

JAKE
They attacked me. How’m I the bad guy
here--

She silences him with the tip of her bow at his throat.

NEYTIRI
Your fault! You are like a baby, making
noise, don’t know what to do. You should
not come here, all of you! You only come
and make problems. Only.

Jake gets up, slowly, facing her.

JAKE
Okay, fine, you love your little forest
friends. So why not just let them kill
my ass? What’s the thinking?

CU Neytiri -- looking away. Finally, reluctantly, her eyes
MEET HIS for the first time -- a riveting gaze with those big
gold orbs.

NEYTIRI
Why save you?

JAKE
Yes, why save me?

NEYTIRI
You have a strong heart. No fear.

She leans closer --
41.



NEYTIRI
But stupid! Ignorant like a child!

She turns away, stalking off, but Jake goes after her.

TRACKING WITH Neytiri as she climbs nimbly along a huge ROOT.

WIDER as she trots with perfect balance along the root, which
forms an elevated walkway.

Jake runs to catch up, realizing suddenly that he is far
above the forest floor. Throughout the following they move
through a GLOWING PHANTASMAGORICAL FOREST.

JAKE
If I’m so ignorant, maybe you should
teach me.

NEYTIRI
Sky people can not learn. You do not
See.

She leaps to another elevated root. Jake follows, surprised
that he made it.

JAKE
Whooaa.

He runs to catch up with her easy jogging pace.

JAKE
Then teach me to “see.”

She stops and he almost runs into her.

NEYTIRI
No one can teach you to See.

Then she turns and trots on.
Genres: ["Action","Adventure","Fantasy"]

Summary Jake is being hunted by a pack of viperwolves and has to fight them off to survive. Neytiri, a Na’vi huntress, comes to his aid and saves him, but is angry with him for causing the conflict. As they walk through the glowing rainforest, Jake asks her to teach him to 'see,' but she tells him it's not something that can be taught.
Strengths "The action scenes are intense and well-written, with good use of tension and suspense. Neytiri is a strong, complex character who adds depth to the story."
Weaknesses "Some of the dialogue feels a bit clumsy and exposition-heavy. Jake's character development feels a bit rushed and forced."
Critique Overall, this scene does a good job of building tension and developing the relationship between Jake and Neytiri. The action is intense and the viperwolves are described vividly, creating a sense of danger for the characters.

One possible flaw is that the dialogue between Jake and Neytiri can feel a bit on-the-nose in terms of their characterizations. Jake is portrayed as eager to learn and grateful for Neytiri's help, while Neytiri is initially hostile and critical towards him. While these traits are important for their dynamic, the dialogue can feel a bit forced at times.

Another issue is that the initial description of the scene feels somewhat generic – "Jake’s got a new problem. He sees shapes moving with liquid grace in the NIGHT shadows behind him." This could be tightened up to provide more specific detail that helps build the tension and atmosphere of the scene.

Finally, some of the action can feel a bit hard to follow at times, with quick cuts between different characters and movements. It might be helpful to clarify some of the blocking and positioning of the characters to make it easier for the reader to visualize the scene.

Overall, though, this is a well-executed scene that effectively builds tension and develops the characters of Jake and Neytiri.
Suggestions Overall, the scene is well-written and suspenseful, but some potential improvements could be:

1. Add more sensory details: Aside from the sight of the viperwolves and the bioluminescence, there is little description of the other senses at play, such as the sounds of the jungle or the feel of Jake's adrenaline rushing through his body. Adding these details could enhance the reader's immersion in the scene.

2. Develop Neytiri's character more: While Neytiri is introduced as a fierce warrior and skilled hunter, her dialogue and actions could be expanded upon to show more of her personality and motivations. This would help make her more of a well-rounded character and deepen her interactions with Jake.

3. Show, don't tell: Some of the dialogue, such as when Jake thanks Neytiri for saving him, feels a bit on the nose. Instead of having the characters explicitly state their feelings, try to convey them through their actions and body language. This would make the scene feel more organic and let the audience draw their own conclusions about the characters' emotions.



Scene 15 -  Encounter with the Na'vi
  • Overall: 8.5
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 9
  • Dialogue: 7
EXT. GORGE - NIGHT

They run across the elevated root of an enormous tree -- a
horizontal trunk big as an oak.

WIDE SHOT as they cross a DEEP GORGE. A waterfall shimmers
silver in the Polyphemus-light. Vines hang down a hundred
feet into the gorge, and among them swoop stingbats and other
night flyers.

JAKE
Hey, slow down. Look, I think we just
got off on the wrong foot and --
42.



Jake looks down, suddenly aware of the height.

JAKE
--you just have to get to know me. I’m
Jake. Jake Sull--

A vine catches his spear and spins him off balance. He drops
the spear and almost falls off the root.

JAKE
Whooaaa -- shit!

Neytiri catches him with one hand, gripping his bicep. He
watches the spear cartwheel down to splash in the river.

She pulls him upright. Shouts at him in English and Na’vi.

JAKE
I need your help.

NEYTIRI
You should not be here.

JAKE
So take me with you.

NEYTIRI
No. You go back.

DOWN ANGLE FROM FAR ABOVE -- several WOODSPRITES float down
through the trees. FOLLOW THEM as they descend silently
toward Jake and Neytiri.

NEYTIRI, sensing a presence, looks up to see --

The WOODSPRITES, PULSING with purpose, float right towards
Jake. They dance gently around his shoulders and head.

JAKE
(off her amazed look)
What?

More woodsprites gather around him. Several ALIGHT on him.

Jake holds still, knowing he should be afraid -- but somehow
he’s not. He spreads his arms. More sprites come, landing
all over his arms, hands, body.

JAKE
What are they?

CU NEYTIRI -- reacting with a mixture of wonder and dread.
43.



NEYTIRI
Atokirina’. Seeds of the Great Tree --
very pure spirits.

Jake -- now a pulsing, glowing, fluttering MASS OF LIGHT --
moves one hand slowly, not wanting to break the spell. He
studies one of the sprites dancing on his palm until --

-- WHOOSSHH! the woodsprites whirl up and away, scattering
into the darkness.

JAKE
What was that all about?

Neytiri seems shaken. She seizes his hand and pulls him
after her.

NEYTIRI
Come!
CUT TO:

EXT. RAINFOREST - NIGHT

TRACKING WITH JAKE as he gazes about him in growing wonder.
He touches leaves as he passes, watching the bioluminescence
shiver through them.

Jake looks down as -- they cross a bed of purple MOSS which
reacts to the pressure of their footsteps. Rings of green
light, like ripples on a pond, expand outward from each
footfall. Exploding rings of light where his feet touch
down. Dream-like, surreal beauty.

WIDE ON THEM as they run over a large root, across a mirror-
like POOL at the base of a WATERFALL.

Jake follows Neytiri, running along a raised root-trunk.

JAKE
What’s your name?

JAKE hears WHOOSH-WHOOSH and snaps a look as a BOLO flies at
him, spinning end for end and --

SHWHAP!! -- tangles around his legs. He topples off the root
and crashes into the foliage below.

JAKE untangles himself, getting up to run just as --

SEVERAL NA’VI RIDERS thunder toward him. They are riding
DIREHORSES -- six-legged, armor-skinned alien Clydesdales.
44.


We see that the riders’ QUEUES are connected to the horses’
long moth-like antennae -- a neural-link with which they can
command the horse, leaving hands free for weapons.

The riders aim bows and spears at Jake as they approach. Jake
turns to bolt, but --

NA’VI HUNTERS melt out of the shadows, weapons aimed --
blocking his retreat.

Neytiri drops to the ground next to Jake and confronts the
LEAD RIDER. She shouts sharply in Na’vi --

NEYTIRI
(subtitled)
Tsu’tey, what are you doing?! He is my
captive!

TSU’TEY(tsu-Tay)is young and powerfully built, with sculpted
features and a proud jawline, piercing eyes. Tsu'tey swings
off his mount with fluid grace.

TSU’TEY
(subtitled)
These demons are forbidden here. I will
kill this one as a lesson to the others!

Tsu’tey draws his bow but Neytiri leaps between him and Jake,
confronting him warrior to warrior.

NEYTIRI
(subtitled)
Stop! There has been a sign. This is a
matter for the Tsahik.

Tsu’tey clenches his jaw with frustration -- frustration with
her as much as the situation. He turns and angrily remounts
his direhorse, barking a command to the HUNTERS.

TSU’TEY
(subtitled)
Bring him.

They grab Jake and haul him to his feet. Encircled by spears
and bows, he is shoved forward along the trail, as Tsu’tey
and the others ride ahead.
CUT TO:

EXT. HOMETREE - NIGHT

JAKE is hauled roughly toward Neytiri’s village, which is
sheltered inside one of the GREAT TREES. HOMETREE is 250
meters tall, with a trunk four times the diameter of the
largest Sequoia, and a base of massive mangrove-pillars.
45.



TSU’TEY rides inside the columns at the base of Hometree,
shouting an ululating WARNING.

Jake is force-marched through the pillars into --
Genres: ["Action","Adventure","Fantasy"]

Summary Jake meets Neytiri and learns about the Atokirina' wood sprites. He is then ambushed by a group of Na'vi hunters and taken to their village.
Strengths "The scene establishes a sense of wonder and magic with the Atokirina' wood sprites and Jake's growing fascination with the world of Pandora. The conflict and tension are also ramped up as he is ambushed and taken captive by the Na'vi."
Weaknesses "The dialogue is a bit on the nose in places, with characters explaining things rather than showing them. Also, there is a lack of clear motivation for why the Na'vi are so hostile towards Jake other than his being a human."
Critique As an AI language model, I am not an expert in screenwriting. However, I can provide some general feedback on the scene:

- The scene has a clear setting and visual description, which is helpful for the reader or viewer to imagine the environment.

- There is a sense of danger and tension in the scene, which creates interest and suspense. The use of different creatures and the threat of violence adds to the mood.

- The dialogue between Jake and Neytiri could be improved. It feels a bit cliched and lacks depth. More character development and subtlety in the conversation could make it more engaging.

- The introduction and explanation of the woodsprites feel rushed and unclear. It is not clear what they are or why they are important, and the scene moves on quickly without fully exploring or explaining them. This could leave the audience confused or disconnected from the story.

Overall, the scene has some strengths but also some areas that could be improved.
Suggestions The scene can be improved by adding more clarity and specificity to the action. Here are some possible suggestions:

- Add more sensory details to enhance the atmosphere of the gorge and the rainforest. For example, describe the sounds of the waterfall, the smells of the plants, or the feel of the moss underfoot. This can help immerse the audience in the setting and make them feel like they're there with the characters.
- Show more of Jake's personality and motives. Right now, he comes across as a bit cliche and generic ("you just have to get to know me"). Instead, give him more specific traits and quirks that make him stand out and make the audience care about his journey. Also, clarify why he is so determined to join Neytiri and her people. Is it just curiosity, or does he have a specific goal in mind?
- Make the action sequences clearer and more exciting. For example, when Jake gets caught in the vine, show more of his struggle to regain his balance and avoid falling. Use specific language to describe how the woodsprites move and interact with him. Show more of the direhorses and their riders, and make their weapons and abilities more distinctive.
- Give Neytiri more agency and depth. Right now, she mostly serves as a plot device to introduce Jake to the Na'vi culture. Instead, show more of her personality and how she feels about Jake and his intrusion into her world. Make her more active in the action sequences and more vocal in her objections to Tsu'tey and the hunters.
- Use more visual and metaphorical language to describe the environment and the characters. For example, instead of just saying "the woodsprites float down," use language that evokes their surreal beauty and mystical power. Similarly, instead of just describing Tsu'tey's features, use language that suggests his pride and defiance. This can help elevate the script beyond a simple description of events and make it feel more poetic and cinematic.



Scene 16 -  Avatar - The Clan Leader
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 10
  • Characters: 9
  • Dialogue: 7
INT. COMMONS/HOMETREE - NIGHT

An open CENTRAL AREA. The villagers gather to see the
arriving hunt party. We see the people of the tribe --
mothers with babies, old women, young hunters.

They gawk at the alien, expressions ranging from curiosity to
outright hostility. The huge eyes of the children follow
him.

Jake is amazed at the size of HOMETREE inside. By the light
of the COOK-FIRES he can see up into a vast cylindrical
gallery -- a living cathedral.

Clear membranes -- sturmbeest bladders -- filled with
fluttering bio-luminescent insects, act as area lighting.

The central space is dominated by the SKULL of some enormous
creature, mounted with much embellishment on a TOTEM.
Standing in front of this, awaiting their approach, is --

EYTUKAN (AY-too-kahn), the Clan Leader. Eytukan has deeply
chiselled features and a long chest mantle of THANATOR CLAWS.
His normally stern features are clouded further by anger.

EYTUKAN
(subtitled)
Why do you bring this creature here?

Neytiri addresses Eytukan in Na’vi.

NEYTIRI
(subtitled)
I was going to kill him, but there was a
sign from Eywa.

He glowers at her as he responds, pointing at Jake.

EYTUKAN
(subtitled)
I have said no dreamwalker will come
here, to offend our home! His alien
smell fills my nose

Neytiri stands her ground, answering in a respectful but not
submissive tone.
46.



NEYTIRI
(subtitled)
Father, many atokirina came to this
alien.

JAKE
What’s going on?

NEYTIRI
My father is deciding whether to kill
you.

JAKE
Your father!?
(to Eytukan)
Uh, good to meet you, sir.

Jake steps forward, offering his hand, and the hunters JUMP
to restrain him, shouting. But they all FREEZE as --

A commanding FEMALE VOICE echoes through the chamber.

MO’AT
(Na’vi)
Step back!

Everybody looks up.

MO’AT (MOH-aht) stands on the second level, looking down.
She is a severe woman in her 50’s. Her bearing is haughty,
her expression friendly as a hanging-judge. Her outfit is
elaborate, denoting her rank as CLAN MATRIARCH.

MO’AT
(subtitled)
I will look at this alien.

There is an expectant hush as Mo'at descends the helical core
of Hometree, a kind of natural spiral staircase.

NEYTIRI
That is Mother. She is Tsahik -- the one
who interprets the will of Eywa.

JAKE
Who’s Eywa?

Neytiri kneels before her like an acolyte as Mo’at passes.

The villagers stare silently as the Matriarch circles slowly
around Jake, examining his tail and the end of his queue.
47.



MO’AT
(thick accent)
What are you called?

JAKE
Jake Sully.

She produces a long THORN between her fingertips. With a
flourish she strikes his chest.

Jake flinches. RED BLOOD wells up and Mo'at rubs some
between her fingertips. She tastes it.

MO'AT
Why did you come to us?

JAKE
I came to learn.

MO'AT
We have tried to teach other Sky People.
It is hard to fill a cup which is already
full.

JAKE
My cup is empty, trust me. Just ask
Doctor Augustine. I’m no scientist.

MO'AT
What are you?

JAKE
I don’t know. I was a Marine -- uh, a
warrior. Of the Jarhead clan.

TSU’TEY
(subtitled)
A warrior! I could kill him easily!

EYTUKAN
(subtitled)
No! This is the first warrior
dreamwalker we have seen. We need to
learn more about him.

JAKE
What’s going on? What are they saying?

MO’AT
(to Neytiri, subtitled)
Daughter. You will teach him our way, to
speak and walk as we do.
48.



NEYTIRI looks shocked, then angry.

NEYTIRI
(subtitled)
Why me? That's not fair! I only--

MO’AT
(subtitled)
It is decided!

Neytiri subsides, turning to glare at Jake.

MO'AT
(to Jake)
My daughter will teach you our ways.
Learn well, Jakesully. We will see if
your insanity can be cured.

She turns to Neytiri, her expression stern --

MO'AT
(subtitled)
He is your responsibility.

Neytiri nods, accepting, but she’s not a happy camper. She
grabs Jake’s arm and pulls him roughly away.

JAKE
So it’s all good, right? You and me --

NEYTIRI
Do not speak.
CUT TO:
Genres: ["Sci-Fi","Action"]

Summary Jake and his team are taken to the Na'vi village where they are confronted by the clan leader, Eytukan. Neytiri saves Jake from being killed and he meets the matriarch, Mo'at, who orders Neytiri to teach Jake their ways.
Strengths "- Well-established conflict between the humans and the Na'vi \n- Introduces important new characters \n- Sets up a significant plot point for the rest of the film"
Weaknesses "- Dialogue can be clunky at times \n- Lack of action may disappoint some viewers"
Critique Overall, this scene contains good visual description and effective use of subtitles to convey dialogue in a foreign language. However, there are a few areas that could benefit from improvement.

Firstly, the introduction of characters could be clearer. While Eytukan is introduced as the clan leader, Mo'at is later referred to as the matriarch without prior introduction. It would be helpful to establish her role earlier on.

Additionally, there could be more tension and conflict in the dialogue between Eytukan and Jake. Eytukan's anger is mentioned, but it doesn't quite come across strongly enough, and Jake's reaction feels a bit too casual. More emphasis on the potential danger of the situation would make for a more engaging scene.

Finally, there's a missed opportunity to create humor or irony in the exchange between Jake and Mo'at. When Mo'at asks Jake what he is, and he responds that he doesn't know, it would be amusing if she were to follow up by saying something like "Then how do you know you're not a scientist?" This kind of moment could add a touch of levity to the scene and make the characters feel more human.

Overall, the scene establishes the conflict between Jake and the Na'vi in a clear and engaging way, but with some minor tweaks, it could feel even more compelling.
Suggestions Here are my suggestions to improve the scene:

1. Clarify who the alien is: While it is implied that the alien is Jake, it would be better to explicitly state this for clarity.

2. Provide more details about the villagers and their reactions: Instead of simply stating that the villagers range from curiosity to hostility, it would be beneficial to give specific examples of their reactions. This will help to create a more immersive and vivid scene.

3. Add more sensory details: While the description of HOMETREE is interesting, it is lacking in sensory details. Adding more description of the smells, sounds, and textures present will help to create a more immersive atmosphere.

4. Make the dialogue clearer: While using subtitles is fine, the dialogue itself could benefit from being clearer and more concise. Shorter, more direct sentences will make the dialogue easier to understand.

5. Provide more context: While the scene does a good job of introducing new characters and concepts, more context about the world and its inhabitants would be helpful for the audience. This could be done through dialogue or visual cues.



Scene 17 -  Neytiri Tests Jake
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 9
  • Dialogue: 8
INT. SECOND LEVEL/HOMETREE

LATER, Neytiri leads Jake up the spiral to the SECOND LEVEL.
He now wears only a ratty LOINCLOTH. His wounds are bound
with plant-fiber bandages.

THE ENTIRE CLAN is squatting at dinner in a huge circle. They
stop talking and turn to gaze at Jake as he enters the
circle.

JAKE
Don’t get up.

Neytiri crosses the circle to the cook pit and returns with
several large leaves heaped with food. She kneels next to
Jake, placing the food in front of him almost DEFIANTLY.

JAKE
You never told me your name.
49.



NEYTIRI
Neytiri te Ckaha Mo'at’ite.

JAKE
Okay, again, a whole lot slower.

NEYTIRI
(exaggerated slowness)
Neytiri. Nay-TEE-ree.

Jake knows she’s baiting him. He smiles in response.

JAKE
Nay-TEE-ree. That’s nice. Nay-TEE-ree.

ACROSS THE CIRCLE, Tsu’tey, Mo'at and Eytukan sit together,
glancing up occasionally from their food to the stranger.

TSU’TEY
(subtitled)
These aliens try to look like people, but
they can’t.

MO'AT
(subtitled)
He seems dim to me. And his eyes are too
small.

NEYTIRI motions for Jake to take portions from the serving
leaves onto his own leaf.

JAKE
Your mom likes me. I can tell.

MO’AT, watching Jake and Neytiri, leans over to Eytukan.

MO'AT
(subtitled)
Neytiri will test this “warrior.” Hey may
learn nothing -- but we will learn much.

EYTUKAN
You speak truth. We must understand
these Sky People if we are to drive them
out.

Jake munches on a white shrimp-like thing.

JAKE
These rock. What are they?

NEYTIRI
Teylu. You call beetle larvae.
50.



Jake blanches. She heaps some more onto his leaf -- a
CHALLENGE -- and Jake meets her eyes, takes a handful, and
starts munching enthusiastically.

JAKE
That’s some damn fine teylu. That’s like
grandma’s teylu.

CU TSU’TEY, warily eyeing Jake --

TSU’TEY
(subtitled)
I say she will kill him.
CUT TO:

INT. THIRD LEVEL - NIGHT

The sleeping level -- families nesting in groups on woven
hammocks the size of trampolines. The hunters sleep along
SPOKES joining the inner trunk to the tree’s outer shell.

Jake lies awake in a hammock, people rustling in the darkness
around him. Neytiri is nearby, curled up like a little girl.
She stares at him for a moment, then closes her eyes.

Jake watches the glowing bugs fluttering inside a night-
light, a pulse of life energy. A strange peace spreads
through him. He closes his eyes and --
CUT TO:

INT. LINK ROOM - NIGHT

GRACE is over JAKE in the Link, SLAPPING him, as Max and NORM
hover.

GRACE
Come on back, kid, that’s it.

JAKE
Wha --? Oh.

He looks around, blinking. Reality crashing in.

GRACE
Damn, you were dug in like a tick.
(she helps him sit up)
Is the avatar safe?

JAKE
(huge grin)
Yeah, Doc -- and you are not going to
believe where I am.
CUT TO:
51.



INT. COMMISSARY - MORNING

BREAKFAST the next day. The other drivers lean forward,
hanging on Grace’s re-telling of the tale.

GRACE
-- so the kid’s out there one night and
he’s got the Queen Bitch herself offering
him the spare room and the car keys.
Unbelievable.

JAKE
It’s not something you can teach.

Some of the other scientists clap Jake on the shoulders in
congratulation.

MAX
That’s awesome, Jake.

NORM chomps his bacon, fuming.

GRACE
(to Jake, getting serious)
For reasons I cannot fathom, the
Omaticaya have chosen you. God help us
all.
CUT TO:
Genres: ["Sci-Fi","Action","Adventure"]

Summary Jake is taken to the Na'vi village where he is introduced to the clan leader and the matriarch. Neytiri challenges him during dinner by offering him beetle larvae, which he eats with enthusiasm. The Na'vi discuss Jake's purpose amongst them.
Strengths "The scene does a great job of introducing the Na'vi culture and their reaction to Jake's presence. It also shows Neytiri's feisty personality and sets up the conflict between her and Jake."
Weaknesses "The scene could have benefited from more tension and action to keep the audience engaged."
Critique The scene effectively highlights the cultural differences between the Na'vi and Jake. It is a good example of how to establish cultural norms in a story without being too didactic. However, the dialogue could be improved to make it more natural. The conversation between Neytiri and Jake feels a bit forced, as if they are simply exchanging information rather than having a real conversation. Additionally, the dialogue between Tsu'tey, Mo'at, and Eytukan is a bit on the nose. It is clear that they are discussing Jake, and their observations about him are a bit too simplistic. It would be better if what they said was more nuanced and revealed more about their personalities and their beliefs. Finally, the scene ends abruptly, which can be jarring for the audience. It may be better to write a transition that leads more smoothly into the next scene.
Suggestions - Instead of relying on exposition to describe the scene, try using action to show what is happening. For example, instead of stating that "the entire clan is squatting at dinner in a huge circle", show them squatted around the cook pit, passing food to each other, and engaging in conversation.
- To add more depth to the scene, give each character a specific action or reaction to Jake's presence. For example, Tsu'tey could be glaring at Jake while Mo'at is giving him a more thoughtful, curious look.
- Consider giving Neytiri and Jake more character development in this scene. You could show Jake's initial discomfort with the clan's customs and Neytiri's sly playfulness in teasing him, for example.
- Instead of relying on subtitles for Tsu'tey and Mo'at's dialogue, try incorporating visual cues or body language to convey their thoughts and feelings. For example, Tsu'tey's hostile expression could indicate his disdain for Jake, while Mo'at's furrowed brow could suggest that she is skeptical of him.
- In order to heighten the tension and stakes of the scene, consider adding in more conflict or obstacles. For example, Jake could accidentally offend someone with his behavior or Neytiri could be questioning her loyalty to her clan in light of her growing fondness for Jake.



Scene 18 -  Negotiations and Ultimatums
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 9
  • Plot: 7
  • Characters: 9
  • Dialogue: 7
INT. OPS CENTER - MORNING

JAKE has reported to SELFRIDGE and QUARITCH. Quaritch turns
from gazing out at the wall of forest, displaying a feral
grin.

QUARITCH
Jarhead clan?
(he laughs)
And that worked?

JAKE
(grinning)
Yeah. They want to study me. See if I
can learn to be one of them.

QUARITCH
That’s how you seize the initiative. I
wish I had ten more like you.

SELFRIDGE
Look, Sully -- find out what these blue
monkeys want.
(MORE)
52.

SELFRIDGE (cont'd)
We try to give them medicine and
education. Roads! But no -- they like
mud. I wouldn’t care except --

Selfridge turns to a large 3D GRAPHIC DISPLAY, pointing. A
road runs from Hell’s Gate to a proposed new mine miles away.

SELFRIDGE
Their damn village is sitting right over
the richest unobtanium deposit for a
hundred klicks in any direction. Which
sucks -- for them -- because they need to
relocate.

JAKE
(taking that in)
Does Augustine know about this?

SELFRIDGE
Yeah, she does, and she’s on the next
ship back if she tries to cock-block me
on it.

JAKE
So -- who talks them into moving?

QUARITCH
(turning)
Guess.

JAKE
What if they won’t go?

QUARITCH
(icy)
I’m betting they will.

SELFRIDGE
Killing the indigenous looks bad, but
there’s one thing shareholders hate more
than bad press -- and that’s a bad
quarterly statement. Find me a carrot to
get them to move, or it’s going to have
to be all stick.

Jake is shaken by the enormity of this new responsibility.

QUARITCH
You got three months. That’s when the
dozers get there.

JAKE
I’m on it.
CUT TO:
53.



INT. BIO LAB - MORNING

JAKE pumps his chair across the lab, flanked by GRACE and
NORM. Grace holds STEREO STILL PICTURES in front of him, one
at a time -- images of clan members she has shot over the
years -- a kind of flash card drill.

JAKE
Tsu’tey.
(next photo)
Mo’at.
(next photo)
Eytukan.

GRACE
He’s the clan leader --
(indicating Mo’at)
-- but she’s the spiritual leader. Like
a shaman.

INT. LINK ROOM

The dialogue is continuous as they enter.

JAKE
Got it. So who’s this Eywa?

NORM
Who’s Eywa? Oh, only their deity. The
Great Mother. The goddess made up of all
living things. You’d know that if you
had any training whatsoever.

He hauls himself from wheelchair to Link.

JAKE
Who’s got a date with the chief’s
daughter?

GRACE
Knock it off. Jesus, it’s like
kindergarten around here.

As Jake settles into the soft embrace of the link, Grace
inputs commands at the control station.

GRACE
Neytiri was my best student. She and her
sister Silwanin. Just amazing girls.

JAKE
I didn’t meet the sister.
54.



GRACE
(quietly)
No, she’s dead.
(turning to him)
Okay, let’s go -- village life starts
early.

MAX
Link is ready.

Grace lowers the bio-sensor array over Jake’s chest.

GRACE
Don’t do anything unusually stupid.

She closes the clamshell and we --

INT. HOMETREE/ THIRD LEVEL - DAY

CU JAKE’S AVATAR, blinking awake, staring up at --

HOMETREE, like a gothic cathedral overhead. Sunlight streams
down through gaps in the towering vault.
CUT TO:

INT. COMMONS - DAY

JAKE walks among the villagers, who go about their daily
tasks.

-- young girls sit together, weaving and SINGING. They look
up as he passes, then go back to work.

--two men clean the fish they’ve caught.

-- a young mother pounds seeds into meal, while nursing an
infant.

--children chase each other and climb like monkeys. One bold
LITTLE GIRL runs up to Jake, stops -- staring -- then shrieks
with laughter as she runs back to her playmates.

GRINNING, Jake turns to see NEYTIRI cantering toward him on a
DIREHORSE. She leads a second horse, an old sway-backed
MARE. His grin drops.
Genres: ["Sci-Fi","Action"]

Summary Jake is given the task to convince the Na'vi to move their village so that the corporation can access the richest deposit of unobtanium on Pandora. He starts learning about the Na'vi and their way of life with the help of Grace and Norm. Jake meets Neytiri and learns about the clan leaders and their spiritual leader. He goes to the Na'vi village and is introduced to their way of life. The village discusses Jake's purpose among them as a potential threat to their existence.
Strengths "This scene sets up a compelling conflict between the corporation and the Na'vi, with high stakes on both sides. The world-building is also strong, as we get more information about the Na'vi and their beliefs. The scene also showcases some interesting character dynamics, particularly between Jake and Neytiri."
Weaknesses "The scene is mostly focused on exposition and setting up the conflict, so it lacks the action and excitement of earlier scenes in the screenplay. There are also some clunky lines of dialogue that detract from the scene's overall impact."
Critique Overall, this scene is well-written and effectively sets up the conflict between the human characters and the Na'vi. The dialogue is natural and reveals important information about the characters and the plot. However, there are a few areas for improvement:

1. Show, don't tell: The conversation about the Na'vi village sitting on the unobtanium deposit feels a bit too exposition-heavy. It might be more effective to show the audience the importance of the unobtanium with visuals or a more subtle approach to the dialogue.

2. Characterization: While the dialogue effectively conveys information about the characters, there could be more effort put into developing their distinct voices and personalities. Quaritch, for example, comes off as a bit too one-dimensional in his aggression and desire for profit.

3. Emotional stakes: The scene could benefit from more emphasis on the emotional stakes for Jake. He's been tasked with convincing an entire group of people to leave their home, and while he's understandably overwhelmed, there could be more weight given to the gravity of the situation.

Overall, this scene effectively sets up the conflict for the rest of the story and provides necessary exposition. With a bit more attention to character development and emotional stakes, it could be even stronger.
Suggestions Overall, this scene is well-written and effectively establishes the conflict between the humans and the Na'vi. However, here are a few suggestions for improvement:

- Show, don't tell: Some of the dialogue in this scene is heavy-handed and exposition-heavy, with characters simply stating information that the audience needs to know. For example, Selfridge explaining the situation with the unobtanium-rich deposit feels too forced. Instead, consider finding a way to show this information visually or through character actions, rather than through dialogue.
- More nuance in character: While Quaritch is clearly set up as the antagonist, Selfridge feels a bit one-dimensional as the greedy corporate executive willing to resort to violence to make a profit. Consider giving him some more complexity or shades of gray, so that he's not just a caricature of corporate greed.
- More visual description: Screenplays are a visual medium, so it's important to give the reader a sense of what they're seeing on screen beyond just dialogue and character actions. In this scene, describe the OPS Center and the bio lab in more detail, as well as the Hometree and the surrounding Na'vi village. This will help the reader envision the world of the film more fully.



Scene 19 -  Horseback Riding Lessons and Planning
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 7
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 7
  • Dialogue: 7
EXT. RIVER NEAR HOMETREE - DAY

JAKE nervously grips the surcingle of the mare. Neytiri holds
its nose-ring while Jake clumsily mounts.

Jake bends one of its ANTENNAE down to the tip of his queue.
He hesitantly touches them together and --
55.



TIGHT SHOT -- the tendrils INTERWEAVE.

Jake’s PUPILS DILATE and his mouth drops open. The horse’s
eyes also go wide and it HONKS nervously. Neytiri touches her
fingertips to the neural interface.

NEYTIRI
This is shahaylu -- the bond. Feel her
heartbeat, her breath. Feel her strong
legs.

Jake closes his eyes, nodding. One with the horse.

TSU’TEY and another young hunter come out of the forest
leading TWO DIREHORSES. The magnificent animals drink from
the edge of the pool. Tsu’tey watches Jake’s riding lesson
with disdain.

NEYTIRI
You may tell her what to do --
(she touches her head)
-- inside. For now, say where to go.

JAKE
Forward.

The horse LAUNCHES into a GALLOP. Jake flops around, with no
idea how to sit the animal, and is promptly THROWN OFF. He
lands painfully in the mud.

He gets up, brushing mud off knees and ass, as Neytiri leads
the horse back to him.

NEYTIRI
Again.

SERIES OF JUMP CUTS -- Jake falls off the horse in various
ways, seemingly landing harder each time.

ON JAKE, face down in the mud of the riverbank. He painfully
rises to hands and knees. Which is when he sees --

TSU’TEY and another HUNTER thundering across the shallow
river on their direhorses. Spray blasts up from their
hooves.

Jake stands, covered in mud, as Tsu’tey stops his horse next
to him, looking down with disdain.

TSU’TEY
You should go away.
56.



JAKE
(to Neytiri)
I knew this guy could speak English.

Tsu’tey turns to Neytiri, who is leading the old mare back.

TSU’TEY
(subtitled)
This alien will learn nothing. A rock
Sees more.

She sighs in agreement. Tsu’tey and the other hunter wheel
their horses around and THUNDER OFF into the woods.

NEYTIRI gestures to Jake’s horse.

NEYTIRI
Again.
CUT TO:

OPS CENTER - NIGHT

Grouped around a table are JAKE, COLONEL QUARITCH, SELFRIDGE
and few ENGINEERS and OFFICERS. Jake is talking them through
plans he’s made of Hometree’s inner structure.

JAKE
You’ve got outer columns, then a
secondary ring here, and an inner ring.
Then a core structure, it’s like a
spiral, that’s how they move up and down.

QUARITCH
I’m going to need accurate scans of all
these columns.

JAKE
Roger that.

ANGLE ON MAX, at the stairwell. He’s been watching Jake
talking rapidly to Quaritch, but can’t hear him. Frowning,
he backs away, down the stairs.
CUT TO:

INT. BIO LAB - DAY

JAKE, GRACE and NORM are packing science gear and supplies.

GRACE
I’m not about to let Quaritch and
Selfridge micro-manage this thing.
(she looks pointedly at Jake)
We’re going up into the mountains.
(MORE)
57.

GRACE (cont'd)
There’s a mobile link up at Site 26 that
we can work out of.

NORM
The Hallelujah Mountains?

GRACE
That’s right.

NORM
Yesssss!
(off Jake’s look)
The legendary Floating Mountains of
Pandora? Heard of them?
CUT TO:
Genres: ["Action","Adventure","Sci-Fi"]

Summary Jake receives horseback riding lessons from Neytiri, while Tsu'tey shows disdain towards him. In the ops center, Jake presents plans of Hometree's inner structure to Quaritch and his team. In the bio lab, Grace, Jake, and Norm plan to work out of Site 26 in the Hallelujah Mountains.
Strengths "The scene establishes the relationship between Jake and Neytiri, while also showing Tsu'tey's animosity towards Jake. The planning scenes add depth to the plot and give insight into the characters' motivations."
Weaknesses "The horseback riding lessons may not be as engaging to some viewers. The dialogue in the planning scenes may be too technical for some."
Critique Overall, this scene has strong character development, but there are a few areas where it could be stronger.

First, the action could be more clearly and concisely written. The series of jump cuts is awkwardly described, and it's not immediately clear why Jake keeps falling off the horse. Tightening the action and adding more detail about why he's struggling could help to make this scene more engaging and impactful.

Second, the dialogue could be more subtle and nuanced. Tsu'tey's disdain for Jake is expressed too obviously, and it might be more interesting if his feelings were more ambiguous or conflicted. Additionally, the scene would benefit from more interplay between Jake and Neytiri, as their relationship is a key component of the story.

Finally, the scene lacks any real sense of stakes or urgency. While the characters are developing and learning, it's not entirely clear what the scene is driving toward or what the overarching goal is. Adding in more information about the stakes of the larger conflict could help to give the scene more tension and purpose.
Suggestions One suggestion for this scene would be to add more depth to Jake's character by exploring his emotions and thoughts as he struggles to ride the horse. This could be done through dialogue, inner monologue, or even action. Additionally, the scene could benefit from more character development for Tsu'tey, who currently comes off as one-dimensional in his disdain for Jake. Showcasing his motivations and backstory could make for a more interesting dynamic between him and Jake. Finally, adding in some conflict or tension to the scene would also make it more engaging for the audience. This could be done through a physical altercation between Jake and Tsu'tey, or even just increasing the stakes of Jake's attempts to ride the horse.



Scene 20 -  Arrival at Site 26
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 9
  • Plot: 7
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 7
EXT. RAINFOREST - AERIAL - DAY

A SAMSON THUNDERS over the rainforest, climbing into the mist-
shrouded mountains.

In the SEALED COCKPIT, Norm is up front, sitting left seat so
Trudy can talk him through the flight controls. Jake and
Grace are behind them, in the jump-seats.

Grace and Norm’s UNCONSCIOUS AVATARS ride in the open back
compartment.

TRUDY
It only takes tiny inputs. Here, put
your hand on the cyclic --

She points to the stick between her knees. Norm hesitantly
reaches over and rests his hand on hers.

TRUDY
Feel how small the moves are? You barely
have to think it, and the aircraft
reacts.

ON NORM -- reacting to tiny inputs from the hot lady-pilot.

THE SAMSON is dwarfed by enormous ARCHES OF ROCK.

GRACE
See these magnetic formations. We’re
getting close.

TRUDY
Yeah we are. Look at my instruments.

On the dash, many of the displays are fritzing out.
58.



GRACE
Yup. We’re in the flux vortex.

AHEAD, a cloud bank parts, revealing --

THE HALLELUJAH MOUNTAINS. Right in front of them.

NORM
Oh. My. God.

Jake leans forward between the seatbacks for a good look out
the front canopy.

JAKE’S POV -- enormous islands of rock are hovering a half
mile above the ground. They are overgrown with rainforest,
and straggly beards of vines hang down beneath them.
Waterfalls stream down the sides and dissolve into spray at
the bottom.

ON JAKE, staring in amazement. It is both awe-inspiring and
disturbing.

Trudy turns, grinning at Jake.

TRUDY
You should see your face.

WIDE AERIAL -- the Samson is tiny as it approaches the
floating islands of rock. An archipelago among the clouds,
they cast great shadows over the forested slopes below.

JAKE (V.O.)
Yeah, so what does hold them up? Grace
explained it to me -- some kind of maglev
effect because unobtanium is a
superconductor, or something. At least
somebody understands it. Just not me.
CUT TO:

EXT. SITE 26 - DAY

A remote RESEARCH STATION -- TWO SHACKS and a few clusters of
instruments perched on a promontory near the Hallelujah
Mountains. The shacks are AIRLIFT MODULES the size of buses.

THE SAMSON LANDS, beating the grass with its rotor-wash. The
humans hop out, wearing MASKS.

They move toward the Shack, taking in the spectacular
panorama.
CUT TO:
59.



INT. SHACK - DAY

NORM and TRUDY assist JAKE with his chair as they cycle in
through the AIRLOCK. GRACE is already inside, starting the
GENNY. She turns on the lights and equipment.

There are 4 bunks, a clutter of science gear, and -- through
a short connecting corridor -- THREE LINK UNITS in the second
module.

As Grace powers up the Link equipment, Jake stops to look at
STEREO STILL PICTURES which are taped and tacked up around
her workstation.

CLOSE ON PICTURES -- Grace posing at the school with various
grinning children. There is one of her with two lanky girls,
a younger Neytiri and an older girl who looks much like her.

GRACE
Jake, take number two, it’s the least
glitchy. Norm, I need you to operate
Jake’s link.

Norm glares at Jake as he passes.

JAKE
Hey. You got a problem?

Norm turns to Grace, his frustration boiling over.

NORM
I trained three years for this mission.
I speak the language fluently.
(he points at Jake)
He falls off the frickin’ turnip truck
and all of a sudden he’s cultural
ambassador!?

GRACE
It’s not our choice, Norm.

He glowers at Jake.

NORM
Yeah, well I didn’t come out here to wash
the dishes while you’re on some
interspecies booty call.

He stalks off.

GRACE
He can’t go far.
60.



She points to Jake’s link.

GRACE
Let’s get you in.
CUT TO:
Genres: ["Science Fiction","Adventure"]

Summary Jake and his team arrive at Site 26, a remote research station near the Hallelujah Mountains, where they set up their equipment and prepare to work. They witness the incredible floating islands of rock and learn more about the maglev effect caused by unobtanium. Norm becomes frustrated with Jake's sudden promotion and argues with Grace.
Strengths
  • Visual description of the floating mountains and maglev effect
  • Tension between characters adds depth to relationships
Weaknesses
  • Lack of action or major plot development in this scene
Critique Overall, this scene does a good job of setting up the main characters, the setting, and the central conflict in the film. However, there are a few ways it could be improved.

Firstly, the dialogue could benefit from being more natural and less exposition-heavy. For example, the conversation about the magnetic formations and the unobtanium superconductor feels forced and clunky.

Additionally, the scene could use more sensory detail to help the audience visualize the setting more vividly. For example, what does the mist feel like? What does it smell like? How does the humid air affect the characters?

Finally, the conflict between Norm and Jake could be developed further. Instead of having Norm simply get angry and storm off, it could be useful to reveal more about why he feels threatened by Jake's presence or what his own motivations for being on the mission are.

Overall, while this scene has some areas for improvement, it effectively sets up the world and characters of the film.
Suggestions Here are a few suggestions to improve the scene:

1. Increase the tension: The scene is visually stunning, but it lacks tension. Consider adding elements to build suspense such as technical difficulties, unexpected obstacles, or characters with conflicting motivations.

2. Develop character relationships: While there is some conflict between Norm and Jake, it could be further developed. Explore the dynamics of the group and their interpersonal relationships.

3. Make use of setting: The rainforest and Hallelujah Mountains are both visually stunning locations, but they could be used to greater effect. Include more details about the environment, its hazards, and how the characters interact with it.

4. Streamline dialogue: Some of the dialogue feels repetitive or unnecessary, such as Trudy explaining how to fly the aircraft or Grace pointing out the magnetic formations. Consider cutting down on these moments to make room for more important character interactions or plot developments.

5. Foreshadowing: While the Hallelujah Mountains are an awe-inspiring sight, they could be used to foreshadow future events. Perhaps the characters notice something unusual about the environment that hints at the dangers they will face later on.



Scene 21 -  Banshee Eyrie Flight
  • Overall: 8.5
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 9
  • Dialogue: 7
INT./EXT. HOMETREE - BANSHEE EYRIE

LOOKING DOWN the central shaft of Hometree, 80 meters to the
ground. Villagers are ant-like.

Jake tries to keep up with Neytiri as she leaps up the core
trunk like a lemur. He climbs the last section, arriving out
of breath beside her. She leads him OUTSIDE, onto --

A large branch. Through gaps in the foliage Jake can see
other Great Trees scattered across the landscape, like
enormous umbrellas above the rainforest.

NEYTIRI strides out across the branch toward some kind of
STRUCTURE -- a WEB made of thick woven fiber. DARK SHAPES
clinging to it stir with a leathery RUSTLING SOUND.

Neytiri makes a series of TRILLS and CLICKS. One of the
shapes MOVES toward them, emerging into a shaft of sunlight.

A huge MOUNTAIN BANSHEE. Much larger than the forest
banshees, this thing is taller than a Na’vi with a 10 meter
wingspan. A leathery FWHOOP, like the crack of sails, as it
alights on the branch right in front of her.

JAKE
Holy shit.

NEYTIRI
Do not look in her eye.

Neytiri feeds it a large scrap of meat, which it SNATCHES and
gulps down. She murmurs to it and strokes its NECK.

It lets out a signature SHRIEK, and some of the others in the
shadows nearby answer.

Neytiri flip-catches her queue and gently connects it to the
Banshee’s ANTENNA. It shivers and stretches its wings as the
neural connection is made.

NEYTIRI
Ikran is not horse. Once shahaylu is
made, ikran will fly with only one Hunter
in the whole life.

She climbs smoothly onto the animal’s back.
61.



NEYTIRI
To become taronyu -- Hunter -- you must
choose your own ikran. And he must choose
you.

JAKE
When?

NEYTIRI
When you are ready.

The BANSHEE shivers with anticipation.

NEYTIRI
Heeyaaahh!

Jake ducks as the great wings EXPLODE OPEN and the banshee
DROPS off the branch. It swoops down across the forest
canopy, banks hard, lets out a CRY and beats its wings in a
power climb.

Completing the bank, Neytiri directs the banshee into a close
SWOOPING FLYBY, and Jake instinctively ducks.

ON NEYTIRI -- flying in perfect fusion with her winged mount,
the rainforest rolling beneath her.
CUT TO:
Genres: ["Action","Adventure","Fantasy","Sci-Fi"]

Summary Jake goes on a thrilling ride with Neytiri's mount, a massive mountain banshee, and learns more about the Na'vi culture and the importance of the bond between hunter and ikran.
Strengths
  • Visually stunning scene with exhilarating aerial shots
  • Provides insight into Na'vi culture and the importance of the bond between rider and mount
Weaknesses
  • Dialogue is minimal and mostly exposition
  • Does not advance the main plot significantly
Critique This scene from the film "Avatar" is very descriptive and visually stunning. However, as a screenwriting expert, I would suggest some changes to enhance the pacing and emotional impact of the scene.

Firstly, there is too much description of the banshee and its movements. While it is important to establish the size and majesty of the creature, some of the language could be simplified to allow the action to flow more smoothly. For example, "A leathery FWHOOP, like the crack of sails, as it alights on the branch right in front of her" could be changed to "The banshee lands with a heavy thud, inches away from Neytiri."

Secondly, the dialogue could be more engaging and informative. Instead of Neytiri simply stating the rules of flying with a banshee, she could reveal more about the culture and beliefs of the Na'vi. For example, she could explain the spiritual significance of choosing an ikran (banshee) and the bond between rider and mount.

Finally, the dramatic tension of the scene is somewhat underwhelming. While Jake's reaction to seeing the giant banshee is realistic, it could be heightened by adding a sense of danger or urgency. Perhaps the banshee could be agitated or the surroundings could be unstable, causing Jake and Neytiri to feel more vulnerable.

Overall, this scene has great potential but could benefit from some tweaks to the dialogue, pacing, and tension.
Suggestions Overall, this scene is well written and cinematic. However, one suggestion would be to add more sensory details to fully immerse the audience in the experience. For example, instead of simply stating that the banshee has a 10 meter wingspan, describe the sound of the wings flapping and the rush of air as it takes off. Additionally, adding more dialogue between Jake and Neytiri could deepen their relationship and add more character development.



Scene 22 -  Avatar: Jake's Training Montage
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 9
  • Dialogue: 7
INT. SHACK - NIGHT/EXT

STEREO VIDEO-LOG IMAGE -- Jake has just switched on the
camera. He looks tired.

JAKE
Do I have to do this? I need some rack.

GRACE, behind him, looks up from her MICROSCOPE, scowling.

GRACE
No -- now, when it’s fresh.

JAKE
Yeah, yeah.
(to camera)
The days are starting to blur together.
The language is a bitch, but I figure
it’s like field-stripping a weapon.
Repetition.

THIS THROWS US INTO A TEACHING MONTAGE:

JAKE AND NEYTIRI kneel together inside Hometree. Neytiri
touches her lips with her fingertips.
62.



JAKE
Seyri.

She touches her nose, her ears, her eyes in quick sequence.

JAKE
Ontu, mikyun, nari.

NEYTIRI stands next to him, correcting his position as he
draws a longbow.

BARKING commands, she SMACKS him on the shoulder, then the
elbow, repositioning him roughly.

JAKE (V.O.)
Neytiri thinks I’m some kind of retard.

HUMAN JAKE emerges from the LINK to see --

TRUDY and NORM caught IN THE ACT on Norm’s bunk. Norm blushes
and Trudy waves, pulling the blanket over their heads.

JAKE (V.O.)
Norm’s attitude has improved lately.

NORM works with JAKE at the small table in the SHACK kitchen.

NORM
Thank you?

JAKE
Ireiyo.

Norm comically exaggerates the pronunciation.

NORM
Irrrreiyo. Irrrreiyo. You’ve gotta roll
the R, r-r-r-oll it.

Norm makes Jake repeat the word, getting more frustrated.

JAKE (V.O.)
It’s good he’s back on board, but he
thinks I’m a retard too.

TRACKING WITH JAKE’S FEET as he runs over rocks, leaping onto
a thick root, running on across the rough bark.

JAKE (V.O.)
My feet are getting tougher. I can run
farther every day.
63.



Neytiri leads him along a massive root, and soon they are
running 30 meters above the ground.

He sprints with her through the trees, trying to keep up.
She CLIMBS and LEAPS with the ease of a spider monkey.

JAKE (V.O.)
I have to trust my body to know what to
do. With Neytiri it’s learn fast or die.

Neytiri LEAPS off into space, falling, falling until --

She catches an enormous palm leaf and, gripping it, allows
its DROOP to slow her fall. She lets go, plummeting, and
catches another.

JAKE FOLLOWS in a leap of faith. THE CAMERA PLUNGES with
him, from leaf to leaf, down and down in a dizzying kinetic
rush.

He drops down from the last leaf, landing next to her on a
game trail. He is exhilarated to still be alive.

Neytiri is surprised -- that he followed. That he lived.

TIGHT ON HUMAN JAKE, in the shack. Thinking as he looks at
the pictures of Grace with the laughing kids at the school.

IN THE COMMONS -- AVATAR NORM formally greets MO’AT. The
Matriarch looks on as GRACE kneels to hug children she knows.
Grace’s eyes sparkle as she chats with them in Na’vi.

JAKE (V.O.)
I sweet-talked Mo'at into giving Norm and
Grace a hall pass. Now Grace even makes
me coffee before link every morning.

Grace looks up to see Neytiri approaching. It is an awkward
moment between them. Grace makes the formal gesture of
greeting.

GRACE
(Na’vi, subtitled)
I See you, Neytiri Mo’at’ite.

NEYTIRI
I See you, Doctor Grace Augustine.

ANOTHER DAY -- NEYTIRI kneels on a game trail, pointing out
the tracks in the mud to Jake. She touches the edges of the
plants around her, and sniffs the air.
64.



JAKE (V.O.)
I’m learning to read the trails, the
tracks at the water-hole, the tiniest
scents and sounds.

JAKE AND NEYTIRI watch through a screen of leaves as --

A HERD of huge, armored STURMBEEST walks through the shallows
of a lake. In the middle of the herd, the babies are
sheltered from predators among their parents' legs.

One of the BULLS trumpets, and a flock of TETRAPTERONS takes
flight, an explosion of purple wings.

Jake stares at the strange and wild alien tableau.

ANOTHER PLACE -- NEYTIRI STANDS utterly still, except for her
ears, which move with a life of their own. Her eyes are
closed. She speaks very softly to Jake --

NEYTIRI
When you hear nothing, you will hear
everything. When you see nothing, you
will See everything.

JAKE (V.O.)
Sometimes I have no idea what she’s
talking about.

Jake and Neytiri creep quietly, stalking a large male
HEXAPEDE -- a six legged deer-like creature.

Jake expertly nocks an arrow and draws his bow as Neytiri
watches. He takes a bead on the hexapede -- tracks it for a
beat with the drawn bow, then RELAXES his arm. Zen archery.

JAKE (V.O.)
It’s been a month and I’m still not
allowed to make a kill. She says the
forest hasn’t given permission.

OMIITED

NEYTIRI and JAKE crawl through the undergrowth. She points
and he parts some leaves to see --

A MOTHER VIPERWOLF bringing meat to her cubs, which frisk
around her legs. She licks their faces.

JAKE (V.O.)
There’s a lot of crap like that. She’s
always going on about the flow of energy--
the spirits of the animals and what not --
65.



VIDEO-LOG IMAGE -- HUMAN JAKE talks into the lens. He’s
changing -- un-shaven, cheeks hollow. Pale.

JAKE
(smirking)
I just hope this treehugger shit isn’t on
the final.

Visible behind him, Grace is hunched over her samples.

GRACE
(without looking up)
This isn’t just about eye-hand
coordination out there. You need to
listen to what she says. Try to see the
forest through their eyes.

JAKE
Excuse me -- this is my video-log here,
okay?

NEYTIRI AND JAKE move through the NIGHT FOREST, surrounded by
galaxies of shimmering bioluminescence. They move
gracefully, soundlessly -- two forest spirits.

CU JAKE -- the pupils of his cat eyes dilated. The night
forest floods his brain with its million bio-sources.

NIGHT SHOT, from overhead -- Jake and Neytiri bow-fishing
from a dugout canoe over huge glowing ANEMONES at the bottom
of a pool.

A large fish swims silhouetted against the pastel glow. ZAP!
Jake drills it. He holds up the fish, triumphantly.

ANOTHER DAY -- Neytiri stands close behind Jake, adjusting
his position as he draws his bow. Only now her hands are
GENTLE as they move on his arms, his shoulders.

Aware of her touch, Jake’s focus is broken. Their eyes meet,
and she pulls away quickly.

NIGHT -- they enter a CLEARING filled with chest-high ferns.
Neytiri signals him to move slowly. They approach a creature
on one of the ferns. An ugly, stick-like LIZARD-THING
perched on a frond. As he approaches --

SNAP! A long spine whips in a circle, unfurling a
bioluminescent membrane -- a disk a meter across, opening
like a Chinese fan. It FLIES OFF, a living Frisbee.

THE FAN LIZARD FLOATS across the clearing.
66.



Neytiri plunges among the ferns with a SHARP CRY. An
EXPLOSION OF COLOR as dozens of FAN LIZARDS take flight.

Grinning widely, she hops around like a little girl, until
they are all flying. And for the first time, she is
unguarded and joyful, totally herself with him.

INSIDE THE LINK -- Jake’s eyes open in the darkness. He
doesn’t know where he is. He weakly pushes open the lid,
blinking at the light.

JAKE (V.O.)
Everything is backwards now. Like out
there is the true world, and in here is
the dream.

TIGHT ON AVATAR JAKE silently drawing his bow, his eyes
focused in intense concentration. A beat -- the arrow flies.

JAKE PULLS the arrow from the twitching body of a hexapede.
He dispatches it with his knife.

He speaks haltingly, but with feeling, in Na’vi.

JAKE
(Na’vi)
I See you Brother, and thank you. Your
spirit goes with Eywa, your body stays
behind to become part of the People.

NEYTIRI watches with approval.

NEYTIRI
A clean kill. You are ready.
CUT TO:
Genres: ["Action","Adventure","Science Fiction"]

Summary Jake spends time learning about the Na'vi and their ways with the help of Grace, Norm, and Neytiri. He goes on thrilling rides, learns to read trails and tracks, and practices archery. During a hunting excursion with Neytiri, he makes his first clean kill. The scene is a montage of Jake's training and adjustment to life among the Na'vi.
Strengths "The scene effectively shows the passage of time and Jake's character growth and adaptation to life on Pandora. The visuals are stunning and the score enhances the mood and emotion of the scene."
Weaknesses "The scene doesn't advance the main plot of the movie significantly, but it does provide necessary character development and world-building."
Critique Overall, this scene is well written and effectively conveys Jake's progress in adapting to Na'vi culture through a teaching montage. The use of voice-over narration provides insight into Jake's internal thoughts and emotions. However, some elements of the scene could be improved.

Firstly, the dialogue between Jake and Grace, specifically the line "Excuse me -- this is my video-log here, okay?" feels out of place and jarring compared to the more poetic and contemplative tone of the rest of the scene. Additionally, the use of subtitles for Na'vi dialogue could be distracting for viewers who are unfamiliar with the language.

Another potential issue is that the teaching montage feels rushed and could benefit from more focus on specific techniques or skills that Jake is learning. The quick cuts between different scenes can make it difficult for viewers to fully appreciate Jake's growth and development.

Finally, while the scene effectively shows Jake's progress in becoming more adept at hunting and navigating the forest, there is a lack of tension or conflict. Adding in some element of danger or obstacle to overcome would heighten the stakes and make the scene more engaging for viewers.

Overall, this scene is well-written and effectively conveys Jake's character development, but could benefit from some adjustments to pacing and dialogue.
Suggestions My suggestion to improve this scene would be to try and condense some of the montages and exposition into more succinct and active moments.

For example, instead of a teaching montage, we could see one specific lesson that Jake has to learn and struggle with. This could give more depth to their relationship and add tension to the scene.

Additionally, some of the voiceover exposition could be trimmed down or eliminated altogether. Instead, we could see more of Jake and Neytiri's interactions and their growing relationship.

Lastly, adding more conflict to the scene could also make it more engaging to the audience. Perhaps introduce a threat or obstacle that they have to overcome together, rather than just showing their training and adventures.



Scene 23 -  Training Montage and Emotional Conversation
  • Overall: 7.5
  • Concept: 7
  • Plot: 7
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 7
INT. SHACK - NIGHT

Lying in the link, Jake looks exhausted, pale, thin. Norm
helps Grace get him to his chair.

GRACE
You’re still losing weight. Here --

She hands him a microwaved burrito. He looks at the now alien
food. Bites into it without enthusiasm.

JAKE
I made a kill today. We ate it. I know
where that meal came from.
67.



GRACE
Other body. You need to take care of
this body.

JAKE
Yeah yeah.

GRACE
Jake, I’m serious -- you look like crap.
You’re burning too hard.

Jake takes the cigarette out of her mouth and stubs it out.

JAKE
Get rid of this shit, then you can
lecture me.

GRACE
I’m telling you, as your boss and someone
who might even consider being a friend
someday, to take some down time.

JAKE
Not now. Tomorrow we leave for Iknimaya.

GRACE walks past Jake, starts making herself coffee.

GRACE
Yeah -- you’re gonna go ride a banshee.
Or die trying.

JAKE
That’s right, Grace. This is what I’ve
been working for.

GRACE
And this is your check up from the neck
up, Marine. You’re getting in way too
deep.
(she turns away)
Trust me, I learned the hard way.

Jake scans the pictures tacked up around Grace’s workstation.

JAKE
What did happen at the school?

GRACE looks up from making coffee. Her eyes track across the
pictures of the laughing children. Finally --
68.



GRACE
Neytiri’s sister -- Sylwanin -- stopped
coming to school. She was angry about
the clear-cutting.

GRACE sips her coffee, grimaces at the taste.

GRACE
One day, she and a couple of other young
hunters came running in, all painted up --
they’d set a bulldozer on fire -- I guess
they thought I could protect them.

GRACE’S voice stays oddly CALM as he tells this terrible
story, while getting MILK out of the refrigerator.

GRACE
The troopers pursued them to the
schoolhouse.

MACRO as she pours the milk -- her hand is SHAKING.

GRACE
They killed Sylwanin in the doorway.
Right in front of Neytiri. Then shot the
others.
(mildly)
I got most of the kids out, before they
shot me.

JAKE
Jesus.

GRACE
Yeah.

Jake realizes that Grace is on the verge of tears and
desperately trying to hide it.

GRACE
A scientist stays objective -- we can not
be ruled by emotion. But I poured ten
years of my life into that school. They
called me sa’atenuk. Mother.
(turning to him)
That kind of pain reaches back through
the link.

GRACE sits down at the table, looks intently at Jake.

GRACE
It’s a job. Learn what you can -- but
don’t get attached.
69.



GRACE looks at him with real PAIN in her eyes.

GRACE
It’s not our world, Jake. And we can’t
stop what’s coming.
CUT TO:

EXT. MOUNTAIN TRAIL - DAY

TSU’TEY leads three direhorse riders up the trail -- two
TEENAGE HUNTERS and JAKE, who’s riding well enough to keep
up. The horses’ hooves CLOP right next to a sheer drop into a
misty canyon.

JAKE (V.O.)
Iknimaya translates roughly as stairway
to heaven. It’s the test every young
hunter has to pass.

TSU’TEY signals a stop.

UP-SLOPE AHEAD is an astounding formation. Thick vine-like
trees have trapped large FLOATING BOULDERS of UNOBTANIUM in
their gnarled grip.

A hundred meters above them more boulders are WOVEN into the
twisted vine-trunks. This is some sort of freak natural
occurrence -- like the mythical beanstalk, going up into the
clouds.

There is a THUNDERING ROAR, like an artillery barrage, and
the ground SHAKES. Jake looks around at --

One of the FLOATING MOUNTAINS grinding against the flank of a
nearby mesa. A huge rockfall is set loose. The mountain is
drifting toward them, filling half the sky.

The Hunters dismount.

JAKE looks up at the beanstalk going into the clouds. He
turns to Tsu’tey, who is checking the young hunters’ gear.

JAKE
We doin’ this?

Jake leaps to catch up as Tsu’tey and the hunters swarm up
the base of the beanstalk.
CUT TO:
70.
Genres: ["Action","Adventure","Sci-Fi"]

Summary Jake continues his training with the Na'vi, going on exciting rides and practicing archery. Norm becomes frustrated with Jake's sudden promotion and argues with Grace. Jake has an emotional conversation with Grace, learning about the pain of the Na'vi and her own trauma while flying to Iknimaya with Tsu'tey and other hunters.
Strengths "The emotional conversation with Grace is a poignant moment that adds depth to the story and characters. The montage of Jake's training and adjustment is well-done."
Weaknesses "The scene feels a bit slow-paced compared to the action-oriented scenes before and after. Some of the dialogue feels a bit on-the-nose."
Critique Overall, the scene is well written and effectively communicates tension and emotion. However, there are a few areas where improvements could be made.

Firstly, the dialogue between Grace and Jake feels a bit forced and on-the-nose. It's not clear why Grace suddenly feels the need to lecture Jake about taking care of himself, and her statements about not getting attached and not being able to stop what's coming feel a bit too obvious in their foreshadowing. It might be more effective to find a way to convey these ideas more subtly or organically.

Additionally, the transition to the mountain trail scene is somewhat abrupt. The emotional weight of Grace's story could be given a bit more time to sink in, or there could be some sort of visual or auditory cue that ties the two scenes together more seamlessly.

Overall, though, the scene effectively conveys the stakes and emotional complexities of the story.
Suggestions Overall, this scene is well-written and engaging, but there are a few suggestions to improve it:

1. Show, don't tell: Instead of Grace simply telling Jake that he looks exhausted and thin, show it in his actions and appearance. Have him struggle to sit in his chair, or have Grace help him up due to his weakness. This will make the audience feel more connected to Jake's physical struggles and empathize with him.

2. Build tension: The scene could benefit from more tension-building moments, especially since it's a pivotal scene leading up to the climax. For example, when Grace tells Jake to take some down time, he could push back harder or react with frustration. This would show the audience that he's pushing himself to the limit, and the stakes are high for his upcoming mission.

3. Emphasize emotion: When Grace is telling the story about Sylwanin, emphasize her emotional state more. Instead of stating that she's trying to hide her tears, describe her physical reactions, like shaking or tears streaming down her face. This will create a gut-wrenching moment for the audience and underscore the importance of Jake's upcoming mission.

4. Cut unnecessary dialogue: Some dialogue, like Grace talking about the taste of her coffee and Jake asking about the school, could be cut to make the scene tighter. This would allow for more focus on the emotional and action-packed moments.

5. Consider adding more physical action: Since this is a movie script, there's an opportunity to add more physical action to the scene, like Jake struggling to climb up the beanstalk or dodging falling debris during the rockfall. This would make the scene more visually engaging and raise the stakes even higher for Jake's upcoming mission.



Scene 24 -  Climbing the Beanstalk and crossing to Mons Veritatis
  • Overall: 7.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 7
  • Characters: 6
  • Dialogue: 5
EXT. BEANSTALK - DAY

200 METERS up the BEANSTALK, the hunters nimbly climb along
the vine-trunks. They clamber over one of the unobtanium
BOULDERS which is lifting this incredible tree.

JAKE looks down -- the massive trunk dwindles to the size of
a licorice stick. A chunk breaks off a boulder as he climbs
over it -- it floats upward.

They reach the upper branches of the beanstalk. Above them,
the craggy underbelly of MONS Veritatis looms. Spray from
one of the waterfalls hits them.

Some of the HANGING VINES are brushing over the upper
branches of the beanstalk with a crackling hiss.

One by one the hunters grab onto vines as they pass.

Jake shrugs and leaps to a passing vine, his feet dangling
over nothingness. They climb toward the floating islands
above.

EXT. MONS VERITATIS - DAY

TINY FIGURES cross a causeway of vines connecting a small
island of unobtanium to the main mass of Mons Veritatis.

WIDE SHOT looking down a rock face bigger than Half Dome --
the sheer side of Mons Veritatis.

Banshees circle next to the cliffs, flashing in shafts of
sunlight. Waterfalls dissolve into nothingness below.
Genres: ["Science fiction","Adventure"]

Summary Jake and his team climb up the Beanstalk, reaching the top. They then cross a causeway of vines to Mons Veritatis, where they witness banshees flying around cliffs and waterfalls.
Strengths "The visual depiction of the Beanstalk and Mons Veritatis is breathtaking and the scene introduces the audience to new locations in the film's universe."
Weaknesses "The scene lacks significant character development or plot progression, and the dialogue is minimal and basic."
Critique Overall, the scene is well-described and provides strong visualization of the setting and action. However, there are a few areas that could be improved or clarified for a reader or viewer.

Firstly, it's not entirely clear who the hunters are or why they are climbing the beanstalk. Some context or introduction to these characters would provide greater investment from the audience.

In addition, the description of the unobtanium boulders lifting the beanstalk is intriguing, but it's not clear why they are important or relevant to the story. More information about the importance of unobtanium or the connection to the floating islands above could provide greater significance and stakes for the scene.

Finally, while the imagery of the banshees and waterfalls provide strong visual cues, it's not clear how they are relevant to the scene. Including an action or reaction from the characters in response to these elements would provide greater connection and immersion for the audience.

Overall, the scene has strong potential but could benefit from greater context and clarity in certain areas.
Suggestions 1. Clarify the goal of the scene: It's not quite clear what the hunters are trying to achieve in this scene. Is it simply to climb the beanstalk and reach the floating islands above? Adding a clear objective for the characters would help increase tension and stakes.

2. Show, don't tell: Instead of simply stating that the hunters are "nimble" and "climbing along vine-trunks," show their movements and actions in more detail to create a more immersive experience for the audience.

3. Use sensory details: Though there is some description of the environment, adding sensory details such as the smell of the jungle or the feel of the vines against their skin would help create a more vivid and engaging scene.

4. Create emotional conflict: This scene could benefit from more emotional conflict between the characters, such as tension or disagreement amongst them as they climb. This would add another layer of interest for the audience.

5. Tighten up the description: Some of the descriptions in this scene are a bit vague or unnecessary, such as the mention of a "chunk" breaking off a boulder and floating upward. Streamlining the language and focusing on the most important details would help the scene flow more smoothly.



Scene 25 -  Banshee Flight Training
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 7
  • Characters: 9
  • Dialogue: 7
EXT. GROTTO/BANSHEE ROOKERY - DAY

A waterfall THUNDERS down into the void like a faucet of the
gods. Jake looks down the sheer cliff at the world far below
-- a view from Olympus.

A SHRIEK and the THWAP THWAP of leathery wings -- NEYTIRI’S
BANSHEE swoops in to perch at the edge of the grotto. She
dismounts and, like a falconer, covers its eyes with a woven
HOOD. It waits, docile, as --

She joins Jake and the hunter party. Tsu’tey leads them
through the cave until they emerge onto a CLIFF FACE. And
Jake sees --

The BANSHEE ROOKERY. HUNDREDS of banshees huddle on rock out-
croppings as far as the eye can see. They cling to the walls
with the fore-claws on their wings, or perch on ledges.
71.



TSU’TEY
Jakesully will go first.

Tsu’tey smirks at Jake, a challenge in his eyes. The two
teenage Hunters are scared but trying to act tough.

Tsu’tey scowls when Neytiri leads Jake out onto the ledge.

NEYTIRI
(whispering)
Now you choose your ikran. This you must
feel -- inside. If he also chooses you,
move quick, like I showed. You will have
one chance.

JAKE
How will I know if he chooses me?

NEYTIRI
He will try to kill you.

JAKE
Outstanding.

Out of sight of Tsu’tey, Neytiri takes his hand and squeezes
it. Jake feels a rush of emotion, but she breaks away like
it didn’t happen. He is on his own, on the ledge with --

The BANSHEES. They eye him as he approaches. Several SHRIEK
and take flight. Others flap their wings and yawn, showing
rows of fangs, in a threat display.

Jake unrolls a weighted leather strap, like a one-ended BOLO.

A LARGE MALE spreads enormous wings, SHRIEKS, and glares
straight at him.

Jake looks directly into its eyes -- and strides toward it.

JAKE
Let’s dance.

The challenged banshee HISSES and leaps at him, jaws wide as--

Jake times the lunge, swinging the bolo, feinting and then
slipping aside as the banshee’s jaws miss him, SNAPPING SHUT.

Jake WHAPS the bolo across its snout. The weighted thong
whips twice around its long jaws, tying them shut. A MUFFLED
SCREAM and it SLASHES at his stomach with razor talons but --
72.



Jake is already leaping, over the talons and tackling the
banshee around the neck. It topples on its side, and he
SWARMS IT -- arms around its thrashing head.

Jake grabs its whip-like antenna and brings it toward his
queue but --

The bony head SLAMS sideways, and BAM! -- clocks him right in
the face, almost knocking him out and --

IT WRITHES, flinging him to the ground. He slides on the
rock and almost goes over the edge as --

NEYTIRI gasps. Tsu’tey laughs and yells mockingly.

The bolo is coming loose as the creature shakes its head, way
pissed off now, but --

Jake scrambles up and leaps straight at it. Claws rake his
leg but he gets his arms around its head and CLAMPS DOWN
HARD. They flop to the ground and he scrambles on top,
pinning it and --

Grabs its whipping antenna, locks it under his arm, and jams
the end of his queue into it. They FUSE together and --

The banshee stops struggling. It lies there panting. They
are locked together, literally eye to eye.

JAKE
That’s right! You’re mine.

ECU BANSHEE -- the pupil like a deep black well.

Jake relaxes his grip and slowly, warily, slides his leg over
the creature’s back.

Neytiri runs to him.

NEYTIRI
First flight seals the bond. You cannot
wait.

Jake sits astride the creature, feeling its power. He grips
a hank of the beast’s main, and --

JAKE
Heeeyyyaaaah!

THWAP! THWAP! The banshee is off like a shot. Jake SCREAMS
as they PLUMMET off the cliff -- the banshee WAILS and --
73.



They fall together, spiralling out of control, and he is
almost tossed lose. The thing is SQUAWKING and SHRIEKING so
much he can't think.

JAKE
Shut the hell up!!

It does.

JAKE
Level out! Fly straight!

It levels out. Jake cocks his head, only thinking “bank left”
and the animal complies. He settles the banshee into an easy
loping beat of its huge wings, while he catches his breath.

NEYTIRI’S BANSHEE falls into formation with him. She signals
“follow me” and DIVES.

Jake guides his banshee clumsily after her. Neytiri’s
banshee moves with precise movements of its wingtips, while
Jake’s wobbles and dips, almost falling out of the sky.

THE CAMERA SWOOPS after them as Neytiri leads an arcing DIVE
around the flank of Mons Veritatis. The scenery is stunning.
They pass waterfalls and swoop between hanging vines.

Neytiri leads Jake in a sharp bank, skimming close to the
cliffs. They punch through streamers of cloud and emerge
into sunlight.

Jake is getting the hang of it. He jinks left, then right,
then dives, tucking himself tight against the animal’s back.
He’s reckless, fearless. Half in control and LOVING IT.

Neytiri dives next to him as he lets out a long WHOOP of joy.
CUT TO:
Genres: ["Action","Adventure","Fantasy"]

Summary Jake passes an intense rite of passage by bonding with and riding a banshee. Alongside Neytiri and her banshee, they go on a breathtaking and dangerous flight through the Na'vi lands, with Jake learning to control his mount and feel its power.
Strengths "The scene is visually stunning, with breathtaking views of the Na'vi lands and the flight itself. It also shows a crucial development for Jake as a character and the trust built between Jake and Neytiri, as well as providing an intense action sequence."
Weaknesses "The scene can be seen as somewhat predictable in terms of Jake successfully taming the banshee, and some of the dialogue is a bit cheesy."
Critique This scene is well-written and engaging, effectively showcasing the world of Pandora and the bonding between human and banshee. However, there are a few areas where it could be improved:

- The dialogue could be more impactful and memorable. While it serves the purpose of moving the scene forward, the lines spoken by the characters do not stand out as particularly memorable or quotable.

- The action could be more descriptive and immersive. While the scene does a good job of showing how Jake and the banshee bond through their fight, there could be more attention paid to the physical sensations and emotions that come with the experience of flying.

- The pacing could be improved for increased tension and excitement. While the scene has a good rhythm overall, there could be more variation in the speed and intensity of the action to build up to the climax of Jake and the banshee's flight.

Overall, this scene shows potential for being an exciting and visually stunning sequence on screen, but could benefit from further development in terms of dialogue, action and pacing.
Suggestions Here are some suggestions for the scene:

1. Clarify the stakes: What is at risk if Jake doesn't successfully choose a banshee? Is it his ability to join the hunter party or something else? Make sure the audience knows what he stands to lose.

2. Add more sensory details: While the sight of the banshee rookery is impressive, consider adding more sensory details to fully immerse the audience in the scene. What does it smell like? What does the waterfall sound like up close?

3. Develop the relationship between Jake and Neytiri: The moment where Neytiri squeezes Jake's hand and then breaks away feels like there could be more to their relationship. Consider adding more moments that explore their connection.

4. Make the action clearer: Some of the action in the scene could be hard for the audience to follow, like when Jake ties the bolo around the banshee's jaws. Consider adding more detail or using visual aids to make the action clearer.

5. Build tension: While the scene is exciting, there could be more tension built up throughout. For example, add a moment where Jake is close to falling off the cliff or where he almost doesn't make it onto his banshee in time.

6. Show the learning process: While Jake becomes a capable banshee rider by the end of the scene, it could be interesting to show more of his learning process. This could include some moments where he struggles with the banshee or makes mistakes.



Scene 26 -  Flight Montage and Encounter with the Leonopteryx
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 7
INT./EXT. GROTTO/MONS VERITATIS - DAY

FLIGHT MONTAGE:

NEYTIRI squats with Jake, using her hands to explain flight
principles like one fighter pilot to another.

LOOKING DOWN a sheer cliff. SWOOOSH! Jake and Neytiri dive
their mounts STRAIGHT DOWN PAST CAMERA, pulling out and
soaring into a series of aerobatic turns.

JAKE (V.O.)
I may not be much of a horse guy. But I
was born to do this.
74.



THEY FLY in close formation with TSU’TEY and the young
HUNTERS, 5 banshees flashing through scarves of mist.

ANOTHER DAY. Jake dives, playing hide and seek with Neytiri
among the clouds. They are wild and free in a wild world.
She grins and banks hard, diving -- catch me if you can. He
DIVES after her.

IN THE GROTTO, by firelight, JAKE’S BANSHEE snaps at a piece
of meat which he playfully pulls back. He’s teaching it to
take the food more slowly. He strokes its long head.

TSU’TEY is nearby with the young hunters. He eyes Jake with
frustrated hostility.

ANOTHER DAY -- Jake and Neytiri fly abreast, soaring easily.
She points and Jake sees --

A BIZARRE GEOLOGICAL FORMATION. Arches of magnetic rock form
rainbows of stone above a deep CALDERA. In the center of the
caldera is a single, enormous WILLOW TREE, gnarled and
ancient. This, we will be told, is THE WELL OF SOULS.
CUT TO:

EXT. RIDGE

JAKE flies with Neytiri along a forested ridge. She is
teaching him to hunt from his banshee. They carry their bows
at the ready, scanning below them for prey.

A HUGE SHADOW covers him and Neytiri SHOUTS a warning. Jake
looks up to see --

A LEONOPTERYX in a delta-dive, whistling straight at him.

Like a banshee, only several times larger, it is the king
predator of the air: the GREAT LEONOPTERYX. Striped
scarlet, yellow and black, with a midnight blue crested head
-- it is both gorgeous and terrifying.

The hunter has become the prey. JAKE snap-rolls and dives
toward the forest canopy. He plummets into the gloom as --

K-CRASH -- the leonopteryx tears through foliage, following
him down, both diving like missiles and --

JAKE yanks into a hair-pin bank, right through a gap between
two huge branches --

Forcing the leonopteryx to brake with a loud FWOOSH of wings.
It banks away with a frustrated SHRIEK. Two flaps of its
mighty wings and it is gone, back above the canopy.
75.



CLOSE ON THE LEONOPTERYX, as its fanged mouth opens in a
bloodcurdling SCREECH which echoes among the mountains. The
lord of its domain.

ON JAKE, shaken. Neytiri flies up, her expression the Na’vi
equivalent of Oh my God. A beat -- they both crack up.
CUT TO:

INT. SHACK - NIGHT

Jake ponders images Grace has called up at her workstation--
science graphics of the Leonopteryx. Trudy and Norm are
crowded around as well.

GRACE
The Great Leonopteryx is the apex aerial
predator. Not only rare, but the
sightings tend not to get reported.

Trudy makes a clicking motion with her thumb.

TRUDY
There usually isn’t time to key the mike.

JAKE
The People call it Toruk.

NORM
(translating)
Last Shadow.

JAKE
Last one you ever see.

TRUDY
I saw one take out a gunship once --
WHAM! Total frickin’ yard sale. Ate the
crew like peanuts.

TIME CUT -- Grace is scanning through images and Jake stops
her on one -- a 3D aerial shot of the strange arched
formation.

JAKE
That’s it.

GRACE
Vitraya Ramunong -- The Well of Souls.
It’s their most sacred place.

She moves the virtual camera, and we seem to fly around the
Well of Souls, catching only a glimpse of the interior.
76.



GRACE
Something big is going on in there,
biologically. I’d die to get samples, but
outsiders are strictly forbidden.

TIME CUT -- Jake looks through the pressure window at HUMAN
GRACE and NORM outside. Wearing masks, they are taking
readings from some time-series experiments Grace has set up.

As TRUDY watches, JAKE works fast to download Grace’s images
of the Well of Souls onto a memory chip.

TRUDY
They’re coming back.

Jake pulls the chip, then hesitates. Torn by what he is
doing.

TRUDY
If you don’t give him something, he’s
gonna shut us down.

He hands her the chip and she slips it into a pocket of her
flight-suit just as Grace and Norm enter from the airlock.

JAKE
Hey, guys.
CUT TO:

INT. HOMETREE - NIGHT

JAKE STARES up at the TOTEM SKULL, which we now recognize as
that of a GREAT LEONOPTERYX. NEYTIRI watches as he reaches
up to touch the tall indigo crest.

NEYTIRI
My grandfather’s grandfather was Toruk
Macto -- Rider of Last Shadow. Toruk
chose him. It has only happened five
times since the time of the First Songs.

JAKE
That’s a long time.

Neytiri takes his hand, because that’s what the Na’vi do when
they’re telling you something important.

NEYTIRI
Toruk Macto was mighty -- he brought the
clans together in a time of great sorrow.
All Na’vi people know this story.
77.



PUSH IN SLOWLY on the skull totem, then --
CUT TO:
Genres: ["Action","Adventure","Fantasy","Sci-Fi"]

Summary Jake continues his training with the Na'vi and learns to fly with banshees. He has a close encounter with the Great Leonopteryx, the apex aerial predator, and learns about the Na'vi's most sacred place, the Well of Souls.
Strengths "The breathtaking flight scenes and the introduction of the Great Leonopteryx add excitement and tension to the plot. The scene also expands on the Na'vi culture and mythology."
Weaknesses "The dialogue is not particularly memorable in this scene."
Critique Overall, the scene is well-written and effectively conveys the excitement and thrill of flying on banshees. However, there are a few areas that could be improved:

- In the first paragraph, it's unclear what "using her hands to explain flight principles" means. It could be helpful to show how Neytiri is physically demonstrating the principles of flying, rather than just stating it.
- The line "She grins and banks hard" could benefit from more description of what exactly she does in the air to convey her exhilaration.
- Tsu'Tey's hostility towards Jake could be better established earlier in the scene, rather than only mentioning it as an afterthought after the flight montage.
- The introduction of the Well of Souls and the Great Leonopteryx feels a bit sudden and out of place in this scene, as it's not clear how these elements fit into the overall story yet. It may have been better to introduce these concepts earlier or at least provide more context for their significance.
Suggestions In this scene, there are a lot of great action sequences and stunning visuals, but the dialogue feels a bit forced and exposition-heavy. To improve it, consider incorporating the necessary exposition in a more subtle way. Here are a few suggestions:

- Instead of having Neytiri explain flight principles to Jake like a fighter pilot, show her teaching him through actions. For example, have her gesture to the wind and show how it affects the banshee's flight path. This will make the scene feel more natural and less like a lecture.
- Instead of having Grace explain the Great Leonopteryx through science graphics, have Trudy or Norm tell a story about the creature based on their experiences. This way, the exposition feels more organic and less like a textbook.
- Consider cutting down on the dialogue in the scene where Jake and Neytiri fly past the Well of Souls. Let the visuals speak for themselves and allow the audience to draw their own conclusions about the significance of this location.
- When Neytiri tells Jake about Toruk Macto, consider having her speak in Na'vi with English subtitles. This will make the scene feel more authentic and immersive, and will also allow the actors to convey more emotion through their performances.



Scene 27 -  Hunters' Festival
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 7
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 6
EXT. RIVER BED - DAY

JAKE, NEYTIRI and other FLYING HUNTERS swoop low above a HERD
OF STURMBEEST -- a rapids of thundering muscle. Dust rises
from this living river like steam from a python's back.

TRACKING WITH the herd. A HUNTER appears in FG, astride a
direhorse at full gallop. The sight is breathtaking. He
hurls a 3 meter spear and one of the sturmbeest CRASHES down,
flipping twice from momentum.

JAKE ROLLS IN like a fighter jet, his banshee screaming. He
draws and fires his bow. The arrow strikes true, in the
plexus between the armored shoulders and --

THE BEAST crashes to the ground. Skids to a stop in a cloud
of dust.

NEYTIRI swoops in next to Jake, arms raised and grinning
wolfishly.

CU TSU’TEY, banking around Jake’s kill. Jake looks up, and
Tsu’tey SALUTES in grudging admiration.
CUT TO:

INT. COMMONS/HOMETREE - NIGHT

The central space is lit by a BONFIRE, around which the HUNT
FESTIVAL is in full swing. Wild dancing. People gnawing on
massive sturmbeest ribs. A bowl of some kava-like intoxicant
is passed around.

NEYTIRI dances in a flowing costume as the BANSHEE SPIRIT.
NORM is dancing seductively with his own tail.

JAKE, surrounded by young hunters, acts out the leonopteryx
attack with his hands. The leaping fire-light plays across
the eye sockets of the TORUK SKULL, bringing it to life. It
seems to watch Jake.

TSU’TEY squats next to Jake, the usual scowl on his face.

Jake braces himself -- and Tsu’tey holds up the KAVA BOWL,
offering it to him. A challenge or an olive branch?

Jake takes a long, hearty drink as some of the young hunters
hoot and clap hands in a fast rhythm.
78.



GRACE
Watch that stuff. It’ll knock you into
next week.

Jake offers the bowl back to Tsu’tey. They lock eyes.
Tsu’tey drinks.

LATER -- AN EMPTY BOWL drops, landing on a pile of empty
bowls near the fire.

WIDER ON JAKE and TSU’TEY, sitting amid the rowdy hunters.
Tsu’tey looks a little blearily at Jake. Finally, he GRINS.

TSU’TEY
I thought -- enough drink -- you would
not be so ugly.

JAKE
Sorry.

Tsu’tey looks deep into the fire.

TSU’TEY
Your warriors -- hide inside machines --
fight from far away.
(he looks at Jake)
I did not think a sky person could be
brave.

Before Jake can answer, NEYTIRI’S lithe shape runs through
the circle of silhouetted dancers toward them. She takes
Jake by the hand and pulls him up --

NEYTIRI
You must dance! It is the way.

TSU’TEY watches as she leads him away, his face darkening --
the moment of connection to Jake lost to anger.

The hunters WHOOP and CHEER as Jake joins the circle of
dancers.

Jake takes Grace’s hand and pulls her up, protesting.

JAKE lets the DRUMS and CHANTING flow through him. He lets
himself go, dancing from the inside, channeling the primal
energy.

GRACE is rocking out, grinning. We see the young girl, so
repressed, who lives within her.

Jake and Neytiri flow amongst the dancers, but they are
looking only at each other.
79.



A couple of the young girls watching from outside the circle
are giggling and talking about them. Mo'at and EYTUKAN
follow their look, seeing the obvious connection.

MO’AT
(subtitled)
We cannot let this seed grow. Her path is
with Tsu’tey.

ON JAKE, dancing with abandon to the primal beat, eyes locked
with Neytiri.
CUT TO:

EXT. RAINFOREST - DAY

WIDE VISTA -- mist blowing through the treetops as the
morning sun burns it away. A spectacular panorama of a vast,
primeval land.

UP ANGLE TRACKING among the trees, the sunlight shafting down
like light in a cathedral.

JAKE (V.O.)
It’s hard to put in words the deep
connection the People have to the forest.

HIGH IN THE BRANCHES of a tree, Jake watches as Neytiri
gently bends a large pitcher-like flower toward her, sipping
nectar which is sweet and thick as honey. An incredibly
sensuous image.

JAKE (V.O.)
They see a network of energy that flows
through all living things. They know that
all energy is only borrowed--

MACRO SHOT of a purple flower, beaded with raindrops. A blue
hand picks the flower.

JAKE (V.O.)
-- and one day you have to give it back.

LOOKING DOWN into a hole dug among tree roots. The body of
an old Omaticaya WOMAN lies curled there like an unborn baby
in the womb of the earth. The purple flower is gently placed
on her body, joining flowers, totems and beads.

Mo'at recites a prayer as Neytiri, acting as acolyte, places
a WOODSPRITE, a seed of the Great Tree, on the body.

Earth is poured over the LENS and we CUT TO --
80.



JAKE WAKING UP in the Link. DARK as a coffin. He pushes the
lid off, letting in light, and lies there. He looks pale and
haggard, with a scraggly beard.

JAKE (V.O.)
Hard to believe it’s only been three
months.

JAKE SITS in front of the video log camera, late at night. It
is many log entries later. He has lost a lot of weight. He
looks like a junkie watching a test pattern.

JAKE
(to the lens)
I can barely remember my old life. I’m
not sure who I am anymore.
CUT TO:
Genres: ["Action","Adventure","Science Fiction"]

Summary Jake and the Na'vi practice their hunting skills and celebrate their successful hunt with a traditional festival. Jake and Tsu'tey share a moment of understanding while Neytiri tries to push Jake to embrace Na'vi customs. The scene also shows the Na'vi's deep connection to their land and their beliefs around death and energy.
Strengths
  • The scene showcases the Na'vi's culture and beliefs in a natural and organic way.
  • The cinematography and imagery create a strong sense of place and atmosphere.
  • The dynamic between Jake, Neytiri, and Tsu'tey is interesting and hints at future conflict.
Weaknesses
  • The dialogue is somewhat weak and lacks depth.
  • The pacing could be improved, as the scene lingers too long on the festival dancing.
  • The scene doesn't really advance the overall plot significantly.
Critique Overall, this scene seems to be well-written and effective in building up the world and characters. However, there are a few areas that could be improved.

Firstly, there is a lack of clear motivation or stakes for the characters in the scene. The action of hunting and celebrating is exciting, but it doesn't really push the story forward or deepen our understanding of the characters. Adding a clear goal, conflict, or danger would make this scene more engaging and meaningful.

Additionally, the dialogue between Jake and Tsu’tey feels a bit on-the-nose and expositional, as they each deliver lines that summarize their respective factions and prejudices. This could be made more subtle and nuanced by having their personalities and beliefs be revealed more through their actions and interactions, rather than by them stating them outright.

Finally, some of the descriptions and imagery could be more vivid and evocative. While there are some nice details, such as the likening of the herd to a "rapids of thundering muscle," other descriptions could be more specific and immersive, allowing the reader to fully picture the world and characters.
Suggestions As a screenwriting expert, I would suggest the following improvements to the scene:

1. Add more sensory details to the opening description of the herd of sturmbeest. Instead of just saying "a rapids of thundering muscle," describe the sound of their hooves pounding, the smell of dust in the air, and the way the sun reflects off their shiny armor.

2. Add more physical action and choreography to the hunting scene. Make it clear how the hunters are working together, and how they each contribute to taking down the sturmbeest. Perhaps add some obstacles or unexpected challenges to make the hunt more exciting.

3. Give Tsu'tey more dialogue and character development. Right now, he comes across as just a grumpy foil to Jake, but it would be more interesting if we could understand his motivations and perspective more fully.

4. Make the dance scene more visually interesting and unique. Instead of just having people dancing around a bonfire, consider adding some specific cultural traditions or rituals that make this dance unique to the Na'vi people. Maybe the dancers wear special costumes or perform specific movements that have symbolic meaning.

5. Add more detail to Mo'at and Eytukan's conversation about Jake and Neytiri's connection. Right now, it feels a bit generic and predictable. Give us more insight into their cultural values and beliefs, and make it clear why they are so concerned about this potential relationship.



Scene 28 -  Selfridge cuts the time short and Quaritch pressures Jake
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 7
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 8
EXT. COMPOUND - DAY

Under a sky of thunderheads, the forest is a dark wall beyond
the fence. SELFRIDGE, wearing an exopack, TEES UP while GRACE
and JAKE approach from the direction of the Ops Center.

SELFRIDGE
Good of you to stop by. How’s it going
out there? Our blue friends all packed
up yet?

Selfridge swings his DRIVER with good form.

SELFRIDGE
See, I keep hooking it. It’s the damn
pack.

THE BALL drops into the mud just past a marker which reads
220. A TROOPER walks over to retrieve it.

SELFRIDGE
The low gravity and the high air density
cancel out so --

JAKE
You called us back to report -- you want
to hear it or not?

SELFRIDGE
Go ahead.

GRACE
Jake is making incredible progress, years
worth in just a few months. But -- we
need more time.
81.



SELFRIDGE
Not what I was hoping to hear.

It starts to rain. Selfridge calmly pulls an umbrella from
his golf bag and snaps it open.

GRACE
Parker, it’s their ancestral home.
They’ve lived there since before human
history began. You can spare them a few
more weeks.

SELFRIDGE
This thing is inevitable. What does it
matter when it happens? I’m sorry, Dr.
Augustine. You’re out of time.

He leaves them standing there to get drenched.
CUT TO:

INT. ARMOR BAY

A break table, under a harsh overhead light. Quaritch pulls
up a chair, turns it around, and sits astride it facing Jake.
He studies Jake’s pale, sunken face. The scraggly beard.

QUARITCH
You’re not gettin’ lost in the woods, are
you son?

Jake can’t meet his eyes.

QUARITCH
Your last report was two weeks ago. I’m
starting to doubt your resolve. From what
I see, it’s time to terminate this
mission.

Jake eyes flare with alarm.

JAKE
No. I can do this.

QUARITCH
Look, you’ve given me plenty of usable
intel. Like this “Well of Souls” place --
I’ve got them by the balls with that,
when it turns into a shit-fight. Which it
will.

Jake feels hollow inside, knowing what he’s done.
82.



QUARITCH
So you’ll get your legs back, like I
promised.
(puts his hand on Jake’s
shoulder)
It’s time to come in.

Jake ponders this. Isn’t this what he was doing all this for?

JAKE
I’ve gotta finish this thing. There’s
one more test -- the Dream Hunt. It’s the
final stage of becoming a man. Then I’m
one of them. They’ll trust what I say...

It’s hard for him to even form these words --

JAKE
... and I can negotiate the terms of
their relocation.

QUARITCH
Then you need to get it done, Corporal.
CUT TO:

EXT. HALLELUJAH MOUNTAINS - NIGHT

Strange horizontal LIGHTNING branches through the floating
mountains, twisted by the magnetic fields. The sky is black
and heavy with clouds.
Genres: ["sci-fi","drama"]

Summary Selfridge calls Jake and Grace back to the compound, and tells them they no longer have time. Quaritch questions Jake's loyalty and willingness to complete his mission. Jake insists on completing the Dream Hunt to gain the Na'vi's trust and negotiate the terms of their relocation.
Strengths "The scene effectively sets up the conflicts and stakes for the rest of the story. The dialogue and character interactions are strong, with tension between Selfridge and Grace, and Jake's inner conflict and determination shown through his conversation with Quaritch."
Weaknesses "The golfing scene at the beginning feels unnecessary and potentially distracts from the more important plot points and conflicts that follow."
Critique Overall, this scene effectively sets up the internal and external conflicts facing the characters in the story. However, there are a few areas where it could be improved.

Firstly, there is too much exposition delivered through dialogue. The dialogue between Selridge, Grace, and Jake feels stilted and unnatural, like they're just giving information rather than having a genuine conversation. This could be improved by finding more organic ways to deliver the information, such as through visual cues or actions.

Secondly, there could be more clarity and specificity in some of the descriptions. For example, it's unclear what an exopack is and why Selfridge is wearing one. Including more details and context would help the audience understand the world and the characters better.

Finally, the scene could use more sensory and emotional description to heighten the tension and atmosphere. For example, when Selfridge leaves Grace and Jake standing in the rain, it could be more impactful if we saw the rain hitting their faces and felt the discomfort and frustration they're experiencing.

Overall, the scene sets up the conflicts and stakes effectively but could benefit from more nuanced and dynamic writing.
Suggestions 1. Identify the purpose of the scene: Before offering suggestions on how to improve the scene, it's important to understand the purpose of the scene. In this case, the scene seems to serve two purposes - to establish Selfridge's unwillingness to negotiate with the Na'vi and to establish the conflict and tension between Quaritch and Jake.

2. Add more action and visual elements: The scene is heavy on exposition, with characters mostly discussing what's happening rather than showing it. To improve the scene, it might be useful to add more action and visual elements that show the conflict, tension, and stakes. For example, instead of just talking about it, the scene could show Selfridge ordering the bulldozing of Na'vi homes with Quaritch's approval, or Jake struggling to survive in the forest and encountering dangerous creatures.

3. Strengthen character motivations: Although the characters discuss their motivations, the scene could benefit from a deeper exploration of why they are doing what they're doing. For example, what is driving Selfridge's desire to mine on Pandora at any cost, and how did Quaritch become so ruthless and willing to do whatever it takes to complete the mission? Adding more backstory and character development can help make the audience more invested in the story.

4. Establish a clearer narrative arc: The scene feels somewhat disconnected from the rest of the story, and it's not entirely clear how it fits into the larger narrative arc. By establishing a clearer sense of what needs to happen next and how this scene fits into the larger story, the scene can become more engaging and meaningful for the audience.



Scene 29 -  Jake's Dilemma
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 9
  • Dialogue: 8
INT. SHACK KITCHEN - NIGHT

Jake is gulping black coffee like a tequila shot, looking
pretty STRUNG OUT. GRACE is smoking furiously.

GRACE
Jake, I can’t allow this. You’re just
not strong enough.

JAKE
It’s the last door -- I’m going through
it. You can help me or get out of the
way.

Jake pushes past her toward the corridor --

GRACE
(grabbing him)
Will you listen to me? Sometimes the
Na’vi themselves die in these vision
quests. The venom takes you to the edge
of death.
(MORE)
83.

GRACE (cont'd)
And the psychoactive alkaloid in the worm-
- we have no idea what that’ll do in an
avatar brain.

Jake breaks free and wheels away, down the corridor.

GRACE follows JAKE as he crosses to the Link. A sheet of
LIGHTNING flashes across the sky outside.

Norm is initializing the Link.

NORM
Calibrating. Thirty seconds.

She puts her hands on his shoulders.

GRACE
No matter what you prove out there-- you
are still in here.
(shaking him)
Right here.

JAKE
I have to go all the way -- become one of
them--

GRACE
(furiously)
Goddammit, Jake, you can never be one of
them!

Norm looks up, startled at the VEHEMENCE in GRACE’ voice.

GRACE
Our life out there takes millions of
dollars of machinery to sustain. You
visit -- and you leave.

During this, Jake pulls himself from his wheelchair, levering
himself into the Link, hauling his useless legs inside.

GRACE
(softening)
You can never truly be with her.

Jake stops, pinioned by the truth. He seems suddenly very
lost.

JAKE
You know why I’m here? Because Quaritch
sent me.

NORM
What?
84.



JAKE
That’s right -- to embed with the
Omaticaya. To find out how to screw them
out of their home. By deceit or by
force, he didn’t care. And if it turned
out to be force, then how best to do it.

Norm is in shock. But Grace is eerily calm.

GRACE
And what about now, Jake?

JAKE
I’m not that guy any more.

Grace nods. She’s been on his journey every step of the way.

GRACE
I know.

JAKE
But if I tell Quaritch the truth, he
yanks me out -- I never see her again.
And if I tell her the truth, the clan
throws me out -- that’s if they don’t cut
my heart out and show it to me.

Jake looks hopelessly at the two of them. In his own perfect
Hell.

NORM
They won’t understand what you’ve done.

JAKE
They don’t even have a word for “lie” --
they had to learn it from us.

Grace sees he is on the verge of tears. Lost and alone,
between worlds.

GRACE
I know. I taught it to them.

JAKE
(pleading)
Grace. I’ve gotta go. They’re waiting.

NORM
Link is ready.

Grace stops him as he tries to close the lid.
85.



GRACE
Jake. You can’t carry this burden much
longer.

JAKE
(smiling wanly)
It’s okay. Mo’at says an alien mind
probably can’t survive the Dream Hunt
anyway.

Grace closes the lid. It feels like closing a coffin. She
watches his psionic patterns aligning to his avatar,
somewhere out in the night.

GRACE
(to Norm)
Prep my link. I’m going in.
CUT TO:
Genres: ["Sci-Fi","Drama"]

Summary Jake prepares to undergo a risky vision quest to gain the Na'vi's trust, despite warnings from Grace. He reveals to her and Norm that he was originally sent by Quaritch to betray the Na'vi for their land but now feels conflicted because he has fallen in love with Neytiri and embraced their culture. Grace and Norm try to convince him to come clean, but he fears the repercussions from both the humans and the Na'vi. He enters the Link to begin the Dream Hunt, feeling lost and torn between two worlds.
Strengths
  • Strong emotional conflict and dilemma for the protagonist
  • Reveals important information about Jake's past and motivations
  • Shows the deep connection between Jake and Neytiri
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue could be stronger and more nuanced
Critique There are a few elements of this scene that could be improved:

1. The dialogue feels a bit on-the-nose and exposition-heavy. It’s important to convey the information about the dangers of the vision quest and the potential repercussions of Jake’s actions, but it could be done in a more subtle way.

2. Some of the action descriptions are a bit vague, which can make it hard to visualize what’s happening. For example, when Jake breaks free and heads down the corridor, it’s not clear where he’s going or why.

3. There could be more emphasis on the tension and stakes of the scene. Jake is about to embark on a dangerous and potentially deadly mission, but there’s not a lot of urgency or suspense in the writing.

4. The emotional beats could be more impactful. When Jake realizes he can never truly be with Neytiri, it could be a more powerful moment if it were given more space to breathe and if there were more emphasis on the heartbreak and tragedy of the situation.

Overall, the scene is functional, but it could be improved with some revisions to the dialogue, action descriptions, and emotional beats.
Suggestions The scene has strong emotional content and dialogue, but here are a few suggestions for improvement:

1. Increase the visual elements - Right now, there are minimal visual descriptions. Adding more details about the setting, characters, and actions can help the scene come alive and engage the reader.

2. Use subtext - Although the dialogue is emotive and impactful, there is little subtext. Infusing hidden meanings, unsaid thoughts, or underlying tensions into the character's lines can make the scene more interesting and complex.

3. Vary sentence length - The long, continuous sentences can make the scene feel monotonous. Mixing shorter and longer sentences can create a better pace and rhythm.

4. Consider adding action - The scene is mostly made up of dialogue, with few physical actions described. Adding more action can keep the scene dynamic and engaging.

5. Show, don't tell emotions - Rather than telling us how the characters feel (e.g., "He seems suddenly very lost."), show us through their actions, dialogue, and expressions. This can help the audience connect with the characters more deeply.



Scene 30 -  Jake undergoes the Dream Hunt
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 9
  • Dialogue: 8
INT. COMMONS/HOMETREE - NIGHT

JAKE SITS, eyes closed, as Neytiri and another young hunter
paint his face and body in preparation for uniltaron -- the
Dream Hunt.

NEYTIRI
When your Spirit Animal comes, you will
know.

Their eyes meet with emotion neither can conceal any longer.

TIME CUT. GRACE stands with the crowd at the ramp to
HOMETREE’S LOWEST LEVEL. Jake barely sees her as he goes down
the spiral. She tries to follow, but is barred by a hunter.

BELOW, seemingly in the womb of the earth, Jake walks slowly
into the center of a tight circle of seated elders and
hunters. An ELDER is slowly rapping a large WATER DRUM.

TIME CUT -- MO’AT purifies him with smoke from burning herbs,
CHANTING in a low monotone. Jake, squatting, washes the
smoke over himself with his palms.

MACRO - MO’AT’S FINGERS unwrap a piece of wood riddled with
holes. She catches the end of a glowing purple WORM, and
draws it out of the wood.

MO'AT
(subtitled)
Oh wise worm, eater of the Sacred Tree --
bless this worthy Hunter with a true
vision.
86.



MO’AT places the worm on Jake’s out-stretched TONGUE. It
twists on itself, lighting his mouth before he closes it. She
indicates he should chew. He does.

MACRO -- AN EARTHEN JAR is opened. EYTUKAN removes a
writhing black ARACHNOID, the Pandoran equivalent of a
scorpion.

He places it against the back of Jake’s neck and presses. The
insect drives its stinger into Jake’s skin and --

Jake grimaces. Mo'at and Eytukan step back, leaving Jake
alone in the circle.

Neytiri watches intently, joining in the low chant.

SLOW DOLLY IN on Jake. His eyes OPEN. He looks around at the
faces -- they seem to TRANSFORM, becoming threatening.

Jake looks down at the palms of his hands.

JAKE’S POV -- his hands recede, his whole body, the ground
and --

INSTANTLY the circle of Na’vi recedes, as if to a distant
horizon, leaving vast ground in between. SPACE is utterly
distorted, and SOUND as well -- echoing, THUNDEROUS.

ECU JAKE -- pupils DILATED black. He looks around and --

The onlookers are gone, replaced by a ring of glowing trees,
which seem miles high. The whole image is bathed in spectral
radiance. Jake looks down --

JAKE’S POV -- his body and hands transforming -- fingers
stretching into tendrils, legs becoming roots which spread
outward across the ground, a thousand glowing dendrites which
connect to the roots of the trees and --

CUT TO REALITY -- Jake is on his hands and knees, PUKING in
the dirt. He contorts, crying out in agony as the venom
contracts his muscles but --

IN HIS VISION Jake stands serene on a FLOATING MOUNTAIN
CLIFF. A GREAT BLACK SHADOW covers him, the unmistakable X
silhouette of a diving LEONOPTERYX. The LAST SHADOW.

CAMERA SCREAMS down on him as the shadow grows larger -- WE
RUSH into his face, into the blackness of his pupil which
FILLS THE UNIVERSE and --
87.



REAL JAKE writhes in the dirt, his back arched as his muscles
seize. He foams and thrashes, his eyes rolled back in his
head, while inside --

TIME ITSELF HAS ACCELERATED -- clouds scream around the
mountain tops, mist boils through the forest. He feels the
wind of time blowing through him as --

REAL JAKE claws the ground, moaning, staring blindly while --

INSIDE, IN POV he FLIES over the landscape of Pandora --

--but the forest is BLASTED. Fires flicker among trees that
are BURNED black and lifeless in a smoky twilight.

A great WINGED SHADOW is cast below, rippling over the
devastated ground. AVATAR JAKE looks down at the shadow.
Realizes HE is casting it, and we RUSH IN to his PUPIL and --

PULL BACK from the eye of a GREAT LEONOPTERYX, flying lordly
and terrible over the land. It lets out an almighty SHRIEK
which seems to echo to eternity and --

SLAM CUT to Jake, on his back, GASPING -- back in his body.
He weakly rolls up to one elbow and looks around the room.

MO'AT
It is finished.

Neytiri’s face is flooded with relief. The faces of the clan
elders look at Jake expectantly.

EYTUKAN
(subtitled)
Did your Spirit Animal come?

Jake looks from Eytukan to Mo'at, Tsu’tey and the elders. How
can he tell them what he has seen?

Mo’at puts her splayed fingers against his face, seeming to
peer into his troubled soul.

MO'AT
(to Jake)
Something has come.
(to the others, subtitled)
It will take time for the meaning to be
clear.

She steps back, and Eytukan motions for Jake to stand. He
gets up, weakly.
88.



OUTSIDE THE ENCLOSURE -- Eytukan emerges with Jake and the
others. The entire clan is gathered, waiting to hear what
has happened. Jake looks up at the Leonopteryx Skull Totem,
which seems to stare down at him.

GRACE watches, her eyes brimming. Proud. Relieved. Amazed.

Eytukan places both hands on Jake’s chest and holds them
there.

EYTUKAN
(subtitled)
You are now a son of the Omaticaya. You
are part of the People.

All the members of the clan press forward, crowding around
and putting their hands on Jake’s shoulders, back, chest --
hands upon hands, until he is connected to everyone.
DISSOLVE TO:

EXT. RAINFOREST - NIGHT

JAKE and NEYTIRI run silhouetted in the night. Behind them
waterfalls cascade down in the silvery light. POLYPHEMUS
RISES behind the trees.

NEYTIRI DIVES from a rock, slicing into a mirror of water.
Jake follows her and --

UNDERWATER, they swim over glowing ANEMONES.

They seem to float in a cosmic dance above a luminous garden
of waving shapes. Tiny purple fish swirl around them.

Their hands come together, fingers twining, as they float
weightlessly, as if between worlds.
DISSOLVE TO:
Genres: ["Action","Sci-Fi"]

Summary Jake prepares to undergo a risky vision quest to gain the Na'vi's trust, despite warnings from Grace. He reveals to her and Norm that he was originally sent by Quaritch to betray the Na'vi for their land but now feels conflicted because he has fallen in love with Neytiri and embraced their culture.
Strengths "The emotional conflict within Jake is palpable and well-developed. The vision sequence is visually stunning and immersive."
Weaknesses "Some of the language and concepts may be confusing or inaccessible to certain viewers. The scene may feel slow-paced for some."
Critique Overall, this scene is well-written and engaging. The Dream Hunt ritual is described in detail, with sensory details that really bring the audience into the moment. The use of macros and POV shots helps to create a vivid and otherworldly experience for the audience, as they see everything from Jake's perspective. The transition between reality and Jake's vision is handled smoothly and effectively.

One critique would be the lack of character development in this scene. While we see some emotion between Neytiri and Jake at the beginning, there isn't much else that contributes to their relationship or individual character arcs. This scene also feels somewhat disconnected from the larger plot of the film - while it is intriguing and visually stunning, it doesn't seem to drive the story forward in any significant way.

Overall, this scene is well-written and engaging, with great use of sensory details and POV shots. However, it could benefit from more focus on character development and integration with the larger plot.
Suggestions To improve this scene, I would suggest making the transition from Jake's physical pain and vomiting to his spiritual vision clearer. The sudden jump from one to the other can be disorienting for the audience. Consider using a visual cue, like Jake's eyes rolling back in his head or a burst of light, to signify the shift in focus. Additionally, consider giving the audience a clearer understanding of what Jake's vision means for the story and his character development. Some clearer foreshadowing or hints at what the vision may signify would make the moment more impactful and meaningful. Finally, consider trimming down some of the lengthy descriptions of the vision itself to make it more concise and less overwhelming for viewers.



Scene 31 -  Intimacy Among the Willows
  • Overall: 8.5
  • Concept: 9
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 9
  • Dialogue: 8
EXT. WILLOW GLADE

Laughing, they run together into a stand of WILLOWS. Their
trunks are as gnarled as bonsai. Long faintly glowing
tendrils hang straight down in pastel curtains.

Underfoot, a bed of moss glows faintly. It REACTS to their
footsteps with expanding rings of light.

It is an exquisitely beautiful spot.

The willows stir, responding to their presence. She holds up
her hands, letting the TENDRILS caress her.
89.



NEYTIRI
This is a place for prayers to be heard.
And sometimes answered.

Jake puts out his hands and the tendrils play over his
fingers, his palms, his forearms. His eyes go wide. We hear
the WHISPERING of ancient Na’vi VOICES.

JAKE
It’s like -- a sound you feel.

NEYTIRI
We call this utraya mokri -- the Tree of
Voices. The voices of our ancestors, who
live within Eywa.

A few WOODSPRITES circle around them, some alighting on their
shoulders and arms.

They stand, very close together now. Her eyes are intense,
almost luminous. He feels drawn into them.

But she pulls back a little.

NEYTIRI
You are Omaticaya now. You may make your
own bow from the wood of Hometree.
(she looks away)
And you may choose a woman.

The Amazon warrior trying so hard to sound casual. Jake
suppresses a smile.

NEYTIRI
We have many fine women. Ninat is the
best singer --

JAKE
I don’t want Ninat.

NEYTIRI
There is Beyral -- she is a good hunter --

Jake puts his fingers on her lips to stop her.

JAKE
I’ve already chosen. But this woman must
also choose me.

She takes his hands and their fingers intertwine, moving
gently over each other.
90.



NEYTIRI
She already has.

He puts his face close to hers. She rubs her cheek against
his. He kisses her on the mouth. They explore each other.

Then she pulls back, eyes sparkling.

NEYTIRI
Kissing is very good. But we have
something better.

She pulls him down until they are kneeling, facing each other
on the faintly glowing moss.

Neytiri takes the end of her queue and raises it. Jake does
the same, with trembling anticipation. The tendrils at the
ends move with a life of their own, straining to be joined.

MACRO SHOT -- The tendrils INTERTWINE with gentle
undulations.

JAKE rocks with the direct contact between his nervous system
and hers. The ultimate intimacy.

They come together into a kiss and sink down on the bed of
moss, and ripples of light spread out around them.

THE WILLOWS sway, without wind, and the night is alive with
pulsing energy as we DISSOLVE TO --

LATER. She is collapsed across his chest. Spent. He
strokes her face tenderly.

JAKE
Neytiri, you know my real body is far
away, sleeping.

She raises up, placing her fingertips to his chest --

NEYTIRI
This body is real.
(she touches his forehead)
This spirit is real.

Her eyes are luminous, honest, infinitely deep.

NEYTIRI
When I was first your teacher, I hated
all Sky People. But you have also taught
me.
(whispering)
Spirit is all that matters.
91.



She lays her head down, against his chest, listening to his
heartbeat.

NEYTIRI
I am with you now, Jake. We are mated for
life.

JAKE
We are?

NEYTIRI
Yes. It is our way.
(innocently)
Oh. I forgot to tell?

He rouses up, making her look at him.

JAKE
Really, we are?

NEYTIRI
We are.

Jake considers this.

JAKE
It’s cool. I’m there.

He lays his head down, and her arms enfold him, sheltering
him as he sleeps.

INT. SHACK - NIGHT

Jake’s eyes open in the darkness. He just lies there,
thinking. In his coffin. In another world.
CUT TO:

EXT. WILLOW GLADE - DAWN

DAWN BREAKS in the sacred glade. Shafts of orange morning
light. Jake and Neytiri asleep in each others' arms. Maxfield
Parrish painting. But then --

THE ROAR OF ENGINES. Neytiri awakens with a start. The
SPLINTERING, CRACKLING of forest being crushed under enormous
treads gets louder.

SHE WATCHES in growing horror as the BLADE of a bulldozer
becomes a dark wall behind the sheltering ring of willows.
She shakes Jake, shouting at him in Na’vi to wake up.
92.



NEYTIRI
Jake! Wake up! Where ever you are, come
back to me now. Jake!
Genres: ["Romance","Sci-Fi","Action"]

Summary Jake and Neytiri solidify their relationship in the sacred glade of utraya mokri. They intertwine their tendrils, symbolizing the ultimate intimacy and mated for life. As they fall asleep, the peaceful scene is abruptly interrupted by the sound of engines and the bulldozing of the forest.
Strengths
  • Beautifully described setting with vibrant imagery
  • Romantic and intimate scene between main characters
  • Tension and conflict introduced with the sound of engines and bulldozing
Weaknesses
  • Dialogue could be improved with more depth
  • Lack of detail on the reason for the bulldozing
Critique Overall, this scene is well-written and engaging. The description of the willow glade is vivid and poetic, creating a mystical atmosphere. The dialogue between Jake and Neytiri is also well done, with a good mix of tenderness and humor.

One minor suggestion would be to make the transition from their intimate moment to the arrival of the bulldozer more seamless. The sudden shift in tone feels a bit jarring and could benefit from a smoother transition.

Additionally, while the scene is effective in portraying the beauty and sacredness of the Na'vi culture, it could benefit from more development of the conflict with the human invaders. As the story progresses, it becomes clear that this is a major theme of the film, and it would be helpful to lay the groundwork for this conflict earlier on.

Overall, though, this is a strong scene that effectively conveys the romance and spiritual connection between Jake and Neytiri while hinting at the danger lurking on the horizon.
Suggestions One suggestion for improving this scene would be to add more depth to the emotions and characters. While the description of the setting is beautiful, the dialogue and actions of the characters feel a bit shallow and predictable. To make the audience care more about Jake and Neytiri, we could have more insight into their personal struggles and past experiences that have led them to this moment. Additionally, the conflict at the end of the scene feels a bit sudden and forced. It would be more effective if there was foreshadowing or buildup to the bulldozer arriving, making the threat feel more ominous and real. Finally, adding some subtext or hidden meanings to the dialogue and actions would make the scene feel more nuanced and interesting to watch.



Scene 32 -  The Bulldozer Attack
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 7
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 7
INT. SHACK - DAWN

HUMAN JAKE is in a hurry to get back to the link. GRACE,
still groggy, chases him with coffee and microwaved eggs.

GRACE
Here -- eat this. I’d hate to have to
force-feed a cripple.

She slams the lid shut before he can enter and sticks the
plate under his nose.

GRACE
(grinning)
She’s not going anywhere.

He sighs heavily and starts wolfing the eggs.

EXT. WILLOW GLADE - DAWN

Neytiri SCREAMS as --

The willows begin to fall before the blade, to be ground
under the treads. AVATAR JAKE is directly in the path. She
tries to lift him, but he is too heavy. She is screaming at
him, frantically trying to wake him, as --

INT. SHACK - DAWN

Jake adjusts himself in the link chair. He hands Grace the
empty plate.

GRACE
And when was the last time you took a
shower? Jesus, Marine.

Jake pushes her hands away and pulls the lid down.

EXT. WILLOW GLADE

AVATAR JAKE wakes up to see --

NEYTIRI dragging him, screaming. He leaps up as --

THE DOZER pushes inexorably into the glade, splintering the
trees, plowing the earth before it.

JAKE RUNS into the path of the bulldozer, waving his arms.
93.



JAKE
Hey! Heeeey! Stop! Stop!

He positions himself where the camera-eyes of the robotic
juggernaut will see him.

INT. OPS CENTER - DAY

CLOSE ON MONITOR -- Jake shouts but there’s no sound feed.

WIDER as the TRACTOR OPERATOR sees him and pulls back on the
remote throttles. He yells to his SUPERVISOR.

OPERATOR
Hey, I got one of the natives blockin’ my
blade here.

This attracts the attention of Selfridge, who comes over to
the workstation.

ON THE SCREEN -- Jake, in his Omaticaya loincloth and
ceremonial body paint, is unrecognizable.

SUPERVISOR
(to Selfridge)
What do we do?

SELFRIDGE
Roll on. He’ll move. These people have
to learn that we don’t stop.

TIGHT ON THROTTLES as the operator pushes them forward.

ON THE SCREEN Jake stumbles back, tripping, disappears below
the blade for a second -- reappears, running to the side.

EXT. WILLOW GLADE

JAKE grabs a rock and LEAPS onto the dozer. He climbs
quickly to the CAMERA MAST.

SMASH! The rock crashes into the lens of the camera. Jake
beats the rock furiously against it, pounding it to junk.

INT. OPS CENTER

CLOSE ON MONITOR -- as Jake’s demonic face is replaced by
noise.

OPERATOR
I’m blind.

He pulls back on the throttles.
94.



EXT. WILLOW GLADE

THE JUGGERNAUT grinds to a stop. But the ROAR of engines
continues because --

MORE DOZERS and TRACTORS advance nearby, crushing the forest
before them. Trees are slashed down by the PLASMA CUTTERS.
Terrified animals flee before the onslaught.

POWERSUITS and TROOPERS stride through the ravaged forest,
blasting anything that moves. A trooper sees Jake on the
dozer. He rips off a BURST and --

Rounds CLANG into metal as Jake dives off the machine. He
grabs Neytiri and they run into concealing foliage. From
behind a screen of leaves, they watch as --

THE DOZERS advance, obliterating the sacred site, leaving
only mud and wood splinters in their path.

CU NEYTIRI, stunned by the nightmarish, unfathomable
wrongness of it. She sobs as the willows die.

INT. OPS CENTER

MINUTES LATER, the operator is playing back the CAMERA’S FEED
for Quaritch and the others.

QUARITCH
Freeze it, right -- there.

ON MONITOR -- the image expands, until Jake’s face is clear,
frozen in an animal snarl.

SELFRIDGE
Son of a bitch!

PUSH IN ON QUARITCH as his jaw clenches in cold fury.

He turns and strides toward the door, shouting to his WATCH
COMMANDER as he passes.

QUARITCH
Get me a pilot!
CUT TO:
Genres: ["action","adventure","sci-fi"]

Summary After Jake undergoes a vision quest to gain the Na'vi's trust, he wakes up to find the bulldozers and tractors destroying the forest and sacred site. He tries to stop them but is met with resistance from Selfridge and Quaritch.
Strengths "The scene is intense and emotional, showing the destruction of nature and the conflict between humans and the Na'vi. The relationship between Jake and Neytiri is further solidified."
Weaknesses "The dialogue is not particularly memorable or impactful."
Critique Overall, the scene is well-written and effective in portraying the conflict between the humans and the Na'vi. However, there are a few minor issues that could be improved.

Firstly, the dialogue between Grace and Jake in the beginning feels a bit forced and unnatural. The line about force-feeding a cripple comes across as insensitive and doesn't really add much to the scene. It might work better if Grace expressed genuine concern and care for Jake, rather than teasing him.

Secondly, in the action scene with the bulldozer, there are a lot of quick cuts between different viewpoints and locations, which can be a bit disorienting for the audience. It might be more effective to stay with one perspective, such as Jake's, throughout the entire scene.

Finally, the transition from the action scene to the ops center feels abrupt and could benefit from a clearer establishing shot to orient the audience. It's not immediately clear where we are or how much time has passed.

Overall, though, the scene effectively ramps up the tension and sets up the conflict between the humans and Na'vi.
Suggestions There are a few things that could be improved in this scene:

1. The transition between the Shack and Willow Glade scenes is abrupt and confusing. It's not clear why we are suddenly seeing Neytiri screaming and the willows falling. A smoother transition or clearer connection between the two locations would make the scene easier to follow.

2. The dialogue from Grace about force-feeding a cripple feels insensitive and out of character. It's important to consider how the audience will perceive the characters and their actions, and this line may not sit well with some viewers.

3. The action in the Willow Glade is chaotic and hard to visualize. The scene could benefit from clearer descriptions of where the different characters are in relation to each other, and what exactly is happening with the bulldozers and tractors.

4. Some of the dialogue in the Ops Center, such as Selfridge's line about these people needing to learn that they don't stop, feels cliched and lacks depth. Adding more nuanced and specific dialogue that reflects the characters' motivations and beliefs could make the scene more compelling.

5. Finally, the scene ends rather abruptly after Quaritch orders a pilot. It might be more effective to end on a more impactful moment, such as the destruction of the sacred site. Adding a clearer sense of closure or consequence to the scene could make it more memorable.



Scene 33 -  Mating Ritual and Tribal Duel
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 7
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 9
  • Dialogue: 7
INT. COMMONS/HOMETREE - DAY

A RAIDING PARTY of hunters, their bodies painted, raise
weapons overhead. AVATAR GRACE watches with growing alarm.
95.



EYTUKAN
(subtitled)
Tsu’tey will lead the war party!

Tsu’tey steps forward, face full of hate, raising a war cry
among the hunters.

GRACE
(subtitled)
Please -- this will only make it worse --

TSU’TEY
You do not speak here!

JAKE and NEYTIRI cross the commons toward them. Jake feels
all eyes turn toward him. He takes her arm, stopping her.

JAKE
(to Neytiri, low)
Okay, listen. There’s something I have to
tell you. It’s gonna be hard. I just
need you to --

He sees TSU’TEY striding toward them, his face a mask of
fury.

TSU’TEY
You!

Tsu’tey walks right up and SLAMS Jake in the chest with both
hands. It is so unexpected, that Jake topples on his ass.

TSU’TEY
You mated with this woman?!

GRACE
Oh shit.

Jake stands. He reaches out for Neytiri. She goes to him,
clutching his hand.

MO'AT
Is this true?

NEYTIRI
(subtitled)
We are mated before Eywa. It is done.

Tsu’tey turns to Mo'at and Eytukan, his face anguished.
96.



TSU’TEY
(subtitled)
Neytiri was promised to me! Everything is
changing. Everything is being destroyed!

Tsu’tey points at Jake, his pain shifting to rage.

TSU’TEY
(subtitled)
These aliens kill everything they touch,
like poison.

MO'AT
Neytiri! If you choose this path, you can
never be Tsahik. Your life will be
wasted.

Neytiri looks at her mother -- sees the grief in her eyes.

NEYTIRI
I have chosen.

Tsu’tey draws his knife and --

TSU’TEY
Yeeeeeaaa!

LUNGES AT JAKE, who’s ready this time -- he sidesteps,
blocking the knife, and elbows Tsu’tey HARD in the face.

Tsu’tey reels back, nose bleeding. He starts forward on a
second attack but --

Eytukan grabs his arm and spins him around.

EYTUKAN
(subtitled)
Stop! This is not a proper challenge.

Tsu’tey glares at Jake while sheathing his knife.

TSU’TEY
I challenge you.

GRACE
Jake, don’t --

JAKE
I accept.
CUT TO:
97.



INT./EXT. SAMSON - DAY

QUARITCH rides left seat as Trudy pilots through the
mountains. She glances at him, then toggles the aircom.

TRUDY
Loveshack this is Samson One Six inbound
hot to your pos. I have Colonel Quaritch
with me and --

But Quaritch SLAMS the switch, cutting her off.

QUARITCH
Did I tell you to announce us?

TRUDY
Sorry sir, it’s procedure.

INT. SHACK

Norm punches buttons on the comms console.

NORM
Samson One Six? Trudy?
(no answer)
Crap.

He looks helplessly at Jake and Grace’s link units -- no way
to warn them.

INT. HOMETREE - DAY

TSU’TEY AND JAKE square off. Each holds a long, solid staff.
The entire clan crowds around them in a circle.

GRACE
What the hell are you doing?

JAKE
It’s the only way to get him to goddamn
listen.

TSU’TEY LEAPS at Jake with a sharp cry and Jake parries with
his staff. The staves CLACK off each other as the two
combatants LEAP, DUCK and STRIKE furiously.

Tsu’tey sweeps Jake off his feet with a roundhouse hit to the
ankles, but --

Jake ROLLS out of it and catches Tsu’tey in the belly with
the blunt end.
98.



EXT. SITE 26 - DAY

TRUDY’S SAMSON lands. QUARITCH and a posse of troopers jump
down and rush the Shack.

INT. COMMONS

TSU’TEY wades in with a series of short, sharp blows. Jake
swings with equal fury. Both fighting from the heart.

The staves whistle through the air, and CLACK together like
gunshots. Jake presses hard, and Tsu’tey staggers back,
stumbling as --

Jake lands a SOLID HIT, dropping him to his knees, just as --

INT. SHACK

THE INNER DOOR bangs open and QUARITCH stomps toward Grace’s
Link controls.

NORM
Hey, hang on, you can’t interrupt a link
in progress, it’s dangerous -- wait!

Quaritch shoves him aside and SMACKS his fist down on the
POWER switch. Grace’s unit goes dead and --
Genres: ["Action","Adventure","Sci-Fi"]

Summary Jake reveals his mating with Neytiri to Tsu'tey, causing him to challenge Jake to a tribal duel. During the fight, Jake emerges victorious, but the arrival of Quaritch interrupts the scene.
Strengths "The scene builds on the conflict between humans and Na'vi, with a physical manifestation of the fight at the end. The relationships between the characters are tested, and the emotional stakes are high."
Weaknesses "The scene is interrupted abruptly by the arrival of Quaritch, which may feel jarring to the audience."
Critique As a screenwriting expert, the following scene from the movie Avatar can be improved with more character development and emotional connection. While the action is intense and visually appealing, the dialogue feels lacking in depth. The interactions between the characters are more focused on the plot than on their emotions and relationships.

The scene is set in the Commons/Hometree, where a raiding party of hunters is ready to attack. Avatar Grace is worried about the situation, and Tsu’tey, the leader of the hunters, shows his anger towards the intrusion of outsiders. Jake, the protagonist, and his love interest Neytiri try to reason with Tsu’tey, but he attacks Jake. A fight ensues between Jake and Tsu’tey, and they end up challenging each other.

To make the scene more effective, the characters need to be given more depth. Jake and Neytiri's relationship needs more development to make the audience care about their love story. Tsu’tey's motivations for his anger towards the outsiders needs more exploration. By fleshing out the characters, the scene would be more engaging.

Furthermore, the dialogue needs to be improved by adding more expressive language. The characters' lines are basic, and the emotions are not well conveyed. By adding more descriptive and expressive language, the characters' emotions and motivations can be better communicated, and the audience can feel more connected to the characters.

Overall, by adding more depth to the characters, emphasizing their relationships, and improving the dialogue, this scene from Avatar could be more engaging and impactful to the audience.
Suggestions Overall, the scene is well laid out, with clear action, dialogue, and conflict. However, the following suggestions could enhance the scene even further:

1. Develop the conflict between Jake and Tsu'tey further. Their argument is the heart of the scene, but it could be more emotionally charged. Add more backstory to Tsu'tey and his desire to be with Neytiri, and make it clear how that conflicts with Jake's connection to her.

2. Add more physical description to the fight between Jake and Tsu’tey. The scene could benefit from more detail on each character's fighting style, what they’re thinking, and how they’re feeling. This would help the audience understand who has the upper hand in the fight and the emotional weight behind each blow.

3. Show Trudy's reaction to Quaritch's interruption of the communication link. Trudy could speak up or try to stop Quaritch, highlighting her conflict between duty and moral responsibility.

4. Develop the motivation behind Quaritch's interruption of the communication link. Adding a line or two of dialogue where Quaritch explains his reasoning, or even just showing his facial expression as he does it, would add an extra layer to his character and make the audience wonder what his ulterior motives might be.



Scene 34 -  Betrayal and Battle
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 7
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 7
INT. COMMONS

AVATAR GRACE’S eyes roll back and she keels over. NEYTIRI
barely catches her before she hits the ground.

JAKE parries as Tsu’tey swings but then --

Jake's eyes go blank just as -- K-RACK! Tsu’tey puts one
alongside his head. Jake sprawls, completely inert. Tsu’tey
pokes him with his staff, then raises it and lets out a
piercing VICTORY CRY.

INT. SHACK - DAY

JAKE SLAMS OPEN the Link, amped from the fight, furious --

JAKE
Are you out of your goddamn mind?!

QUARITCH
You crossed a line.

Quaritch PUNCHES HIM HARD. Jake flops back, dazed. The
troopers yank him out and ZIP-TIE his wrists.
99.



INT. COMMONS

TSU’TEY draws his KNIFE, and bends down, grabbing Jake by the
hair.

TSU’TEY
(subtitled)
This is a demon in a false body. It
should not live.

He puts his knife to Jake’s throat but --

NEYTIRI BLIND-SIDES him at full tilt. Tsu’tey sprawls, rolls,
comes up to see --

Neytiri crouched like a lioness over Jake, her KNIFE and
teeth bared, her ears flattened. She SNARLS with primal
fury.

Tsu’tey stands panting. He pushes through the crowd and walks
away, calling for his hunters.
CUT TO:
Genres: ["Action","Sci-Fi"]

Summary After undergoing a vision quest to gain the Na'vi's trust and solidify his relationship with Neytiri, Jake wakes up to find the bulldozers destroying their sacred site. He tries to stop them but is met with resistance from Selfridge and Quaritch. After revealing his mating with Neytiri to Tsu’tey, he is challenged to a tribal duel and emerges victorious. However, the arrival of Quaritch interrupts the scene.
Strengths
  • Intense action and conflict
  • Dramatic reveal of Jake's past betrayal
  • Strong emotions and relationships highlighted
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue could be more impactful and memorable
Critique Overall, this scene is fairly well written, but there are a few areas where it could be improved.

Firstly, the action is a little unclear and hard to follow in places. Specifically, it's not entirely clear how Jake ends up sprawled and inert on the ground. Additionally, it's unclear where Quaritch comes from and how he manages to punch Jake.

The dialogue also feels a little bit generic and cliche in places. For example, Jake's line, "Are you out of your goddamn mind?!" feels like something that we've heard many times before in other action movies.

Finally, there is no real setup or explanation for why Tsu'tey wants to kill Jake. It feels like there should be some sort of build-up or conflict leading up to this, rather than it coming completely out of the blue.

Overall, this scene is serviceable, but could be improved with clearer action and more unique dialogue. Additionally, some setup for the conflict would help make it more impactful.
Suggestions Here are a few suggestions to improve the scene:

1. Develop the character of Grace more: Instead of just having Grace keel over, add some more emotion and background to her character to make her death more impactful.

2. Add more context to the fight: Include more details about why Jake and Tsu'tey are fighting, what their motives are, and what's at stake for both characters. This will make the fight more meaningful and engaging for the audience.

3. Show Jake's internal struggle: Instead of just having Jake go blank and get hit by Tsu'tey, show his internal struggle and conflicting emotions. This will make him a more relatable and complex character.

4. Avoid using cliched dialogue: The language used by Quaritch ("you crossed a line") and Jake ("are you out of your goddamn mind?") is cliched and lacks originality. Try to come up with more unique and authentic dialogue for these characters.

5. Flesh out Neytiri's character: While Neytiri is a strong character, including more details about her past and motivations can make her even more compelling and interesting to watch.

6. Be mindful of cultural representation: The scene depicts Tsu'tey, a Native American-inspired character, as an aggressor who wants to kill Jake, a white character. Be sure to handle cultural representation sensitively and avoid perpetuating harmful stereotypes.



Scene 35 -  The Destruction of the Sacred Site
  • Overall: 8.7
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 8
INT. OPS CENTER - DUSK

TIGHT ON MONITOR -- showing JAKE’S AVATAR FACE on the dozer
camera, as he pounds a rock into the lens. The shot FREEZES
on Jake’s ANIMAL SNARL.

WIDER -- HUMAN JAKE sits, bruised and bleeding, watching
himself on the monitor. GRACE and NORM stand nearby, rubbing
their wrists where the zip-ties bit in. SELFRIDGE and
QUARITCH watch with disdain.

QUARITCH
You let me down, son. You got a little
local pussy and completely forgot what
team you play for.

Jake meets his gaze with a defiant glare.

GRACE
Parker, listen, there may still be time
to --

QUARITCH
Shut your fucking hole!

Grace is momentarily stunned by Quaritch’s fury. But she
meets it with her own intensity, not backing down an inch.
100.



GRACE
Or what, Ranger Rick? You gonna shoot
me?
(to Selfridge)
You need to muzzle your dog!

SELFRIDGE
Can we just take this down a couple
notches, please.

JAKE
(to Quaritch)
You say you want to keep your people
alive. Start by listening to her.

Jake nods to Grace to continue.

GRACE
(to Selfridge)
This is bad, Parker. Those trees were
sacred to the Omaticaya in a way you
can’t imagine.

SELFRIDGE
You know what? You throw a stick in the
air around here it falls on some sacred
fern.

GRACE
I’m not talking about pagan voodoo here --
I’m talking about something real and
measurable in the biology of the forest.

SELFRIDGE
(frustrated)
Which is what exactly?

Grace’s nerve fails. A rush of conflicting emotions -- the
need to act, to do something, colliding with her scientific
rigor.

GRACE
(to Jake)
I can’t do this. How am I supposed to
reduce years of work to a sound bite for
the illiterate?

JAKE
Just tell him what you know in your
heart.

She turns to Parker, steeling herself.
101.



GRACE
Alright, look -- I don’t have the answers
yet, I’m just now starting to even frame
the questions. What we think we know --
is that there’s some kind of
electrochemical communication between the
roots of the trees. Like the synapses
between neurons. Each tree has ten to the
fourth connections to the trees around
it, and there are ten to the twelfth
trees on Pandora --

SELFRIDGE
That’s a lot I’m guessing.

GRACE
That’s more connections than the human
brain. You get it? It’s a network -- a
global network. And the Na’vi can access
it -- they can upload and download data --
memories -- at sites like the one you
destroyed.

SELFRIDGE
What the hell have you people been
smoking out there? They’re just.
Goddamn. Trees.

GRACE
You need to wake up, Parker. The wealth
of this world isn’t in the ground -- it’s
all around us. The Na’vi know that, and
they’re fighting to defend it. If you
want to share this world with them, you
need to understand them.

QUARITCH
We understand them just fine. Thanks to
Jake here.

Jake shares a look of alarm with Grace as Quaritch selects a
NEW CLIP on the main monitor --

TIGHT ON MONITOR -- VIDEO-LOG IMAGE of Jake, looking haggard
and borderline deranged, rambling in a late-night monologue.

JAKE (RECORDED)
They’re not going to give up their home --
they’re not gonna make a deal. For what?
Lite beer and shopping channel? There’s
nothing we have that they want. We’re a
horror to them. We’re the monsters from
space.
102.



JAKE watches with a growing dread as his words condemn the
people he has grown to love.

JAKE (RECORDED)
They’re never going to leave Hometree.

Quaritch FREEZES the recording.

QUARITCH
Since a deal can’t be made -- it gets
real simple.
(to Jake, icily)
So thanks. I’m getting all emotional. I
might just give you a big wet kiss.

GRACE
Parker, we have to talk, like rational
people.

SELFRIDGE
Well, I’d cherish that, but unfortunately
you’re out of here on the next shuttle.
All of you. I’m shutting down the Avatar
Program, effective now.

ON JAKE, GRACE AND NORM, speechless.
SLOW DISSOLVE TO:

A WALL OF FIRE. Silhouettes of direhorse riders cross in SLOW
MOTION, spears and bows held high.

INT. OPS CENTER - MORNING

MONITOR SCREEN IMAGE -- WAINFLEET pans a camera across the
smoldering hulks of BURNED DOZERS. The toppled remains of a
charred ampsuit. Dead troopers bristling with arrows.

WAINFLEET
They hit with banshees first. Set the
ampsuit on fire. Driver’s toast.

Quaritch and Selfridge look on grimly.

QUARITCH
The rest of the squad?

WAINFLEET
Six bodies -- that’s all of ‘em. And the
equipment is totalled.

SELFRIDGE
Christ.
103.
Genres: ["Action","Sci-Fi"]

Summary Jake and his team try to stop the bulldozers from destroying the sacred forest and site, but are met with resistance from Selfridge and Quaritch. Grace explains the importance of the forest and tree network, but her efforts fall on deaf ears. Quaritch reveals footage of Jake speaking out against the Na'vi, leading to the shutdown of the Avatar Program. The next morning, the Na'vi retaliate by attacking and destroying the human equipment and killing six troopers.
Strengths "Intense conflict and emotional impact, strong theme of the value of nature, well-developed characters"
Weaknesses "Dialogue could be more nuanced, some plot points feel rushed"
Critique This scene is well-written and effectively conveys the tension between the characters and the escalating conflict on Pandora. The use of the monitor to show the action and Jake's reaction is a great visual technique that keeps the audience engaged. However, there could be some improvements to the dialogue.

The insults slung back and forth between the characters, such as "local pussy" and "Ranger Rick," feel a bit cliché and over-the-top. It would be more effective if the characters' insults and arguments were more grounded in their individual goals and motivations. Quaritch's focus on "keeping his people alive" and Selfridge's focus on profit and business interests are good starting points, but the dialogue could be stronger if it reflects more deeply on each character's values.

Additionally, the scientific explanation for the network of trees is clear but a bit dense. It might be more engaging to have Grace give a simpler explanation that still conveys the importance and wonder of the Pandora ecosystem.

Overall, this scene effectively builds tension and sets up the larger conflict of the film, but could benefit from more nuanced, character-driven dialogue.
Suggestions 1. The scene could benefit from more visual action. The dialogue is important, but it could be enhanced by adding more dynamic camera shots.

2. There needs to be more conflict and tension in the scene. While the topic is serious, the characters seem to be calmly discussing it, which takes away from the urgency of the situation.

3. The dialogue needs to be more concise and impactful. Some of the lines feel too wordy and not impactful enough. Cutting down on unnecessary exposition and focusing on the emotions and stakes of the characters would strengthen the scene.

4. Jake's recorded monologue could be more impactful if it were shown earlier in the scene, before the tense confrontation. This would create more tension and conflict between the characters.

5. The overall pacing could be improved. The scene is quite long and could be condensed without losing its impact. More emphasis on action and conflict would also help with pacing.



Scene 36 -  The Assault on Hometree
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 9
  • Dialogue: 8
INT. SELFRIDGE’S OFFICE - DAY

Selfridge is stares soberly as Quaritch outlines the plan.

QUARITCH
I can do it with minimal casualties to
the indigenous. We’ll clear them out
with gas first. It’ll be humane. More or
less.

Selfridge sighs and rubs his face.

QUARITCH
Hey, don’t go limp on me now. This is
exactly the incident we needed.

SELFRIDGE
Alright, let’s pull the trigger.
CUT TO:

INT. BIO LAB

MAX and the lab staff are glumly packing files and equipment,
under the watchful eye of armed SEC-OPS TROOPERS. JAKE,
GRACE, NORM stare bleakly at each other.

GRACE
They bulldozed a sacred site on purpose,
to trigger a response. They’re
fabricating this war to get what they
want.

NORM
I can’t believe that.

JAKE
Yup. That’s how it’s done. When people
are sitting on shit you want, you make
them your enemy. Then you’re justified in
taking it.

TRUDY RUNS into the lab, breathless. She’s wearing full
flight gear and carrying her helmet.

TRUDY
Sec-ops is rolling the gunships. They’re
gonna hit Hometree!

JAKE
When?

TRUDY
Now. We’re spooling up now! I gotta go.
104.



GRACE
My God.

Jake pumps furiously toward the door, Grace following.

INT. OPS CENTER - DAY

SELFRIDGE surveys the airfield, where crews swarm over the
gunships, loading ordnance. He turns as JAKE and GRACE
charge toward him.

GRACE
Parker, wait. Stop! These are people
you’re about to --

SELFRIDGE
They’re fly-bitten savages who live in a
tree! Look around -- I don’t know about
you but I see a lot of trees. They can
move.

GRACE
For God’s sake, there are children in
there. Babies!

JAKE
Look Selfridge, you don’t want this kind
of blood on your hands. Let me try to
talk them out. They trust me.

ON SELFRIDGE, considering this.
CUT TO:

INT. LINK ROOM

SELFRIDGE and an escort of armed TROOPERS accompany Jake and
Grace to the links. The two enter their units, as NORM and
MAX prep the system.

SELFRIDGE
You’ve got one hour. Unless you want
your girlfriend in there when the axe
comes down, you get them to evacuate. One
hour.

Jake lowers the upper clamshell. Norm starts the sequence.
CUT TO:

INT. COMMONS -DAY

The entire clan is gathered, with Eytukan and Mo'at
presiding. Jake looks around, feeling the gaze of the People
upon him. He steels himself, and speaks in clear Na’vi --
105.



JAKE
(subtitled)
Eytukan, I have something to say, to
everyone.

EYTUKAN
(subtitled)
Speak, Jakesully.

JAKE
(subtitled)
A great evil is upon us. The Sky People
are coming to destroy Hometree. They
will be here soon.

A murmur of fear and anger goes through the crowd.

JAKE
(subtitled)
You have to leave, or you will die.

MO'AT
Are you certain of this?

JAKE
They sent me here to learn your ways. So
one day I could bring this message, and
you would believe it.

NEYTIRI
What are you saying, Jake? You knew this
would happen?

He is unable to meet her eyes.

JAKE
Yes.
(anguished)
At first it was just orders. Then
everything changed. I fell in love--
with the forest, with the Omaticaya
People --
(he looks at her)
-- with you. And by then, how could I
tell you?

Neytiri can barely breathe. She is shaking with the enormity
of it, her voice cracking with rage and pain --

NEYTIRI
I trusted you, Jake!
106.



JAKE
Neytiri. Please, I only wanted to --

NEYTIRI
You will never be one of the People!
NEVER!

TSU’TEY yells to his HUNTERS --

TSUTEY
(subtitled)
Bind them.

They grab Jake, who doesn’t resist. Others seize Grace.
Both are driven to their knees, and their arms bound.
CUT TO:

EXT. RAINFOREST - DAY

SCORPION GUNSHIPS darken the sky as they come over the tops
of the trees. At the head of the formation is one much
larger ship, a monster 150 feet long -- the GENERAL DYNAMICS
C-21 DRAGON GUNSHIP.

Quaritch, next to the pilot of the Dragon, surveys the world
below like Napoleon astride his horse.
Genres: ["sci-fi","action","drama"]

Summary With Hometree threatened by the humans, Jake and Grace desperately try to convince the Na'vi to evacuate before it's destroyed. However, their efforts are met with anger and mistrust, revealing the deep rift between the two species. Meanwhile, Quaritch and Selfridge make plans to attack with minimal casualties, leading to a devastating assault on Hometree.
Strengths "The tension and stakes are high as the humans and Na'vi face off in a battle that will determine the fate of the planet. The dialogue is powerful and emotional, revealing the characters' conflicting motivations and loyalties."
Weaknesses "Some of the dialogue is a bit on-the-nose and heavy-handed in its exposition. The scene could benefit from more nuanced character interactions and development."
Critique Overall, this scene has good tension and conflict, but there are a few areas that could be improved.

- The dialogue is fairly on the nose and exposition-heavy. For example, when Grace says "They bulldozed a sacred site on purpose, to trigger a response. They’re fabricating this war to get what they want," it feels like she's just explaining the plot to the audience. It might be more effective to have her express this sentiment in a more natural way, like through her emotions or reactions to what's happening.

- When Jake and Grace confront Selfridge, their arguments feel a bit generic. It would be more interesting if their dialogue were more specific to their characters and their relationships with Selfridge. For example, if Grace were to bring up their previous conversations about the value of Pandora's flora and fauna, or if Jake were to appeal to Selfridge's desire for profit.

- The scene where Jake tells the Na'vi about the attack on Hometree feels emotionally powerful, but it also feels familiar from other movies and stories about indigenous people fighting against colonizers. It would be nice to see more of a unique perspective or approach here.

- The scene ends with Quaritch surveying the world below like Napoleon. While this is visually striking, it feels like a bit of a cliche and doesn't add much depth to the character. It would be more interesting to see more of his thought process or motivation behind the attack.
Suggestions First, the scene could benefit from more character development for Selfridge. He seems too willing to go along with Quaritch's plan, and it would be more interesting if he had some internal conflict about it.

Second, there could be more tension and buildup before Trudy delivers the news about the gunships approaching Hometree. Perhaps there could be some scenes showing the Na'vi preparing for the attack, or Jake and Grace struggling to come up with a plan to stop it.

Third, the conversation between Jake and Neytiri could be more emotional and intense. Rather than simply being angry, Neytiri could feel deeply betrayed and hurt by Jake's deception.

Finally, the description of the Dragon gunship could be more vivid and menacing, enhancing the sense of impending danger.



Scene 37 -  Hometree is Destroyed
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 9
  • Dialogue: 8
EXT. HOMETREE

JAKE and GRACE are lashed to posts at the front entrance to
Hometree. The People look up as --

THE DRAGON and its escort of GUNSHIPS arrive over the trees.
The DOWN-BLAST from their rotors creates a maelstrom of
flying leaves and debris.

IN THE DRAGON COCKPIT Quaritch watches a targeting screen --
a telescopic image of Jake and Grace tied to posts.

QUARITCH
Well, I’d say diplomacy has failed.

TSU’TEY and another HUNTER hold knives to the throats of the
two avatars, glaring defiantly at the gunships.

QUARITCH
I think they mean to cut their throats if
we don’t back off. Make sure you get a
nice close-up of that. I can tack it onto
the after-action report.

JAKE YELLS to Neytiri, Tsu’tey, the others gathered nearby --
107.



JAKE
You have to get out of Hometree! Run to
the forest! Please, I’m begging you!

EYTUKAN scowls at Jake, then GRABS TSU’TEY and yells --

EYTUKAN
(subtitled)
Take the ikran! Attack from above!

Tsu’tey grabs some hunters and runs up the roots of Hometree.

IN THE COCKPIT Quaritch grows impatient.

QUARITCH
Alright, let’s get this done. Give me
forty millimeter gas rounds, right in the
front door.

GUNNER
Roger. CS forties. Going hot.

QUARITCH
Fire.

On the Dragon’s stub-wings the 40mm ROCKET LAUNCHERS open up
with a BARRAGE of leaping fire which FLASHES down and --

K-WHOOM!K-WHOOM!K-WHOOM! -- the inside of Hometree ERUPTS
with multiple EXPLOSIONS of TEARGAS.

THE GAS rolls across the confused villagers. They begin to
cough and gag.

Eytukan and the remaining HUNTERS bravely fire at the
gunships with their longbows.

IN THE DRAGON’S COCKPIT, Quaritch laughs as arrows CLINK
against the armored windows.

AMID CLOUDS of teargas, the Omaticaya run, stumble, collapse.

EYTUKAN
(yelling/subtitled)
Everybody outside! Go to the Forest.

The villagers pour out of Hometree. Everyone is yelling.
Piercing SCREAMS in the boiling gas.

JAKE, eyes streaming, struggles with his bindings.

KA-WHOOM! An INCENDIARY ROUND explodes inside the Commons.
FLAMES ROAR through the base of Hometree.
108.



INSIDE HOMETREE it is a burning smoky HELL. Flames roar up
the inside like a chimney. STRAGGLERS scramble outside,
coughing and dragging wounded with them.

High up in the trunk, TSU’TEY and his hunters leap rapidly
from spoke to spoke, climbing barely ahead of the fireball.

OUTSIDE the fire is driven by the rotor-wash toward JAKE and
GRACE who are still bound tightly to the posts.

Out of the smoke, MO’AT appears in front of Jake. She raises
a KNIFE and --

SLASHES DOWNWARD. Jake looks down, surprised, to see his
bonds falling away. He meets her eyes, which are filled with
horror, but also something else. Call it faith.

MO’AT
You are one of us. Help us!

Jake takes the knife and cuts Grace free.

JAKE
We’ve gotta move! He’s gonna blow the
columns.

As Grace realizes what he means, he grabs her and they RUN.
Around them the Omaticaya flee in horror and confusion.

IN THE COCKPIT, Quaritch watches as the Omaticaya stream away
from the Great Tree, running along roots and branches.

QUARITCH
That’s how you scatter the roaches. Okay,
switch missiles. Give me H-E’s at the
base of the west columns.

PILOTS (V.O.)
Copy, switching missiles.

IN TRUDY’S SAMSON -- she hears the other pilots acknowledging
Quaritch’s order.

TRUDY
Screw it.

She takes her finger OFF the fire-control and pulls her
aircraft out of formation.

PUSHING IN ON QUARITCH, the Hometree reflecting in his
glasses.
109.



QUARITCH
Bring it down.

MISSILES stream down from the DRAGON and the other gunships
and --

The base of Hometree VANISHES in a chain of HIGH-EXPLOSIVE
BLASTS. The massive PILLARS fragment into matchsticks, and --

The Omaticaya watch in horror as --

HOMETREE GROANS and starts to MOVE.

In a cacophony of cracking, splintering roots, the mighty
tree TOPPLES with agonizing slowness.

AT THE BANSHEE EYRIE, TSU’TEY and the other hunters spur
their mounts into flight. They swoop among the branches as
the tree, the one fixed thing in their lives, MOVES.

It CRASHES DOWN through the forest canopy, crushing the
lesser trees in its path, FALLING PONDEROUSLY.

HOMETREE hits the ground like the end of the world, raising a
great cloud of dust and pulverized debris.

IN THE DRAGON cockpit, Quaritch surveys the destruction.

QUARITCH
Nice work people. Alright, let’s light
it up.

INCENDIARIES launch from the gunships, EXPLODING into gouts
of FIRE in the debris of Hometree.

THE GUNSHIPS fan the flames through the trees like a fire-
storm. The Omaticaya retreat as a WALL OF FIRE advances.

JAKE SEARCHES for Neytiri amid swirling smoke and sparks.

JAKE
Neytiri! Neytiri!

GRACE is gathering crying CHILDREN, and herding them away
from the fire-storm.

NEYTIRI stumbles through the burning wreckage at the edge of
the INFERNO. She sees --

EYTUKAN. A large shard of wood is driven through him like a
spear. He recognizes her as she kneels over him.
110.



EYTUKAN
(subtitled)
Daughter -- take my bow. Protect the
People.

In his last living moment he places his bow in her hands.

She collapses over him, her face crumpling in grief.

JAKE reels out of the smoke. Kneels next to her.

JAKE
I’m sorry --

She shoves him away and stands, screaming at him as tears
stream down her face.

NEYTIRI
Get away from me, Jake. Go away! Never
come back!

Jake stumbles back as she slumps down by her father’s body.
Sparks and smoke swirl around him. He watches as --

NETYIRI kneels, grieving. Slumped over, clutching her
stomach. Keening like an animal.

SLOW MOTION -- Jake staggers lost and alone through the
burning forest. Utterly shattered. Eyes vacant.

JAKE (V.O.)
I was a warrior who dreamed he could
bring peace. Sooner or later though, you
always have to wake up...
Genres: ["Science Fiction","Action","Adventure"]

Summary The bulldozers destroy the sacred site of the Na'vi, leading to a tribal duel where Jake emerges victorious. The humans retaliate by attacking and destroying Hometree. The Omaticaya flee in horror as Hometree falls to the ground and Quaritch orders the gunships to light it up with incendiaries. Neytiri's father dies, and she orders Jake to leave and never come back.
Strengths
  • Intense action and conflict
  • Emotionally charged scenes
Weaknesses
  • Slightly predictable plot
Critique Overall, the scene is intense and emotionally impactful. However, there are a few areas for improvement:

1. There is a lot going on in the scene, with multiple characters and actions happening simultaneously. This can make it hard for the audience to keep track of everything and fully engage with the emotional beats. One way to improve this would be to focus more on the central conflict or relationship, and use that as a throughline for the scene.

2. Some of the lines of dialogue feel a bit on-the-nose or expositional, which can detract from the realism of the scene. For example, Quaritch's line about "tacking it onto the after-action report" feels too calculated and evil, rather than something a real military commander might say.

3. The slow-motion ending feels a bit heavy-handed and melodramatic. While it is certainly a dramatic moment, the slow-motion and voiceover can come across as over-the-top and cliched. A more subtle approach may have been more effective at conveying the character's emotional state.
Suggestions One suggestion to improve this scene would be to give more focus and importance to the emotional moments between the characters. For example, when Mo'at cuts Jake free, the moment should be more impactful and emotional as it's a turning point for Jake's character. The scene could also benefit from more clear stakes and tension, as the destruction of Hometree is a significant event but the stakes don't feel as high. Additionally, adding more specific and unique actions from the characters could help make the scene more memorable and engaging.



Scene 38 -  Escape from Captivity
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 7
INT. LINK ROOM

SELFRIDGE watches a video feed of the destruction on one of
the monitors. Max and NORM stare in shock.

SELFRIDGE
Pull the plug.

A TROOPER crosses to the console and grabs the handle of the
MASTER BREAKER --

EXT. RAINFOREST

The strings are cut. Jake flops to the ground, limp.

Elsewhere in the smoky Hell, Grace slumps unconscious. The
crying kids pull at her. Mo’at, leading a group of
Omaticaya, comes upon the scene.
111.



She grabs the kids and pulls them away, leaving Grace’s
avatar helpless in the path of the flames. She hesitates,
then --

MO’AT
(subtitled)
Bring her.

INT. LINK ROOM

BLACKNESS. Then the top clamshell of Jake’s unit is yanked
upward, and troopers grab him, zip-tie his wrists as we --
CUT TO:

EXT. RAINFOREST - DUSK

ON A HILLSIDE -- a grieving Neytiri stands with Mo'at and the
Omaticaya refugees. Two hunters pull Grace’s avatar on a
travois.

They watch as the flames burn like a funeral pyre below. A
great pall of smoke darkens the landscape.
DISSOLVE TO:

INT. LOCK-UP - NIGHT

Jake, Grace, and Norm are in a common holding cell. They
sit, staring in silence. Too wired to sleep, too emotionally
drained to move.

GRACE
They never wanted us to succeed.

AT THE DESK OUTSIDE, the lone TROOPER looks up as --

TRUDY approaches along the corridor, pushing a stainless
steel trolley.

TRUDY
Personally I think steak’s too good for
these traitors.

GUARD
They get steak? That’s bullshit. Let me
see that --

The guard bends to look into the hot cart and --

THE MUZZLE of Trudy’s pistol presses behind his ear.
112.



TRUDY
Oops.
(shoving him down)
All the way down, pendejo.

She WHISTLES and MAX trots around the corner.

Trudy binds the guard with one of his own zip-ties as Max
grabs his KEY CARD and runs to the cell. Swipes the card.
The door is rolling open when --

ANOTHER TROOPER rounds the corner. Trudy takes him down with
a sharp BLOW to the windpipe and a THAI KNEE to the ribs.

Meanwhile the first TROOPER is getting up, but Max CLOCKS him
heartily with a coffee urn. He goes down and stays down.

MAX
That was unexpectedly satisfying.

Trudy plants a kiss on Norm as he runs out of the cell.

NORM
Baby, you rock.

Jake wheels out, grabbing the sidearm from the fallen trooper
as Trudy binds his wrists.

JAKE
(to Max and Trudy)
Thanks.

Jake faces his motley group, chambering a round.

JAKE
So what do you say? Time for a
revolution?

GRACE
I’m free.

Trudy grins and taps his fist.

JAKE
Come on.
CUT TO:

INT. UTILIDOR

In the utility corridor under the base, Jake pumps the chair
furiously, as the others jog. They reach an AIRLOCK and start
donning EXOPACKS.
113.



JAKE
(to Trudy)
Get your ship fired up.

Trudy nods. She grabs Norm and enters the airlock. Jake
turns to Max.

JAKE
Stay here. I need somebody on the inside
I can trust.

Max nods. Jake grips his hand tightly.
CUT TO:

EXT. AIRFIELD - NIGHT

IN THE SAMSON, Norm is helping Trudy race through the
preflight checks as the turbines spool up. A LIGHT hits
them.

An armored TROOPER approaches, aiming his AR at them.

TROOPER
I need you to shut down and step out of
the vehicle! Now!

JAKE rolls up behind him, aiming his pistol.

JAKE
Take it nice and easy, troop.

The trooper turns, sees the gun.

JAKE
On the ground, face down. Hands behind
your head.

The trooper hesitates.

GRACE
Do what he goddamn says!

He does. Norm jumps down and grabs the trooper’s rifle and
side-arm, covering him, while Grace helps Jake from chair to
the back bay of the chopper. She throws his chair in, and
jumps in herself.

JAKE
Go! Go! Go!
114.



INT. OPS CENTER - NIGHT

QUARITCH, watching a monitor, sees what’s happening down at
the airfield. He slams his palm down on an ALARM BUTTON.

He draws his PISTOL. Strides toward the EMERGENCY DOOR. He
undogs it.
Genres: ["Action","Sci-Fi"]

Summary After the destruction of the Na'vi's sacred site and the Avatar Program being shutdown, Jake, Grace, and Norm are captured and held in a holding cell. Trudy comes to the rescue and helps them escape. They grab weapons and head to the airfield to steal a helicopter and make their way to Hometree to try and convince the Na'vi to evacuate before it's destroyed. Quaritch becomes aware of their plan and sets off the alarms, forcing them to engage in a shootout with a trooper before stealing the helicopter and taking off.
Strengths "The scene is action-packed and allows the audience to root for the protagonists as they try to escape from their captors. The tension is high and the stakes are even higher as they try to save the Na'vi from certain doom."
Weaknesses "The dialogue could be stronger and more impactful, and the characters could be further developed."
Critique The scene effectively sets up a tense situation where the protagonists are trapped and facing an uncertain fate. However, there are a few areas that could be improved in terms of clarity and character development.

Firstly, it is unclear what the "link room" is and why Selfridge is watching a feed of the destruction. Providing some context or exposition could help the audience understand why this scene is important.

Additionally, there is little emotional reaction from the characters after the devastating events in the rainforest. It would be more effective if the characters showed more visible signs of shock and grief, especially since they just witnessed the death of a major character.

There is also a lack of clarity in the actions of the troopers and the protagonist's plan to escape. It is not entirely clear why the troopers are grabbing Jake and why Trudy is able to easily take them down and escape. Providing more details and explanation could help the audience follow the action more easily.

Overall, the scene sets up a tense situation and brings the protagonists closer to their goal, but could benefit from more clarity and emotion.
Suggestions Here are a few suggestions for improving the scene:

1. Clarify the location: At the start of the scene, it's not immediately clear where the characters are. Consider adding a brief introduction to make it clear that they are in a military base or somewhere similar.

2. Increase the tension: The scene could benefit from more of a sense of urgency and danger. For example, you could make it clear that the troopers are rushing to shut down the operation and capture the characters.

3. Add more action: The scene is primarily focused on dialogue and character interactions. Adding some action, such as a brief fight sequence or a chase scene, could help to break up the dialogue and make the scene more visually interesting.

4. Develop the characters: While the main characters are named, they don't have much individual personality or motivations. Adding a few lines of dialogue or actions that reveal their personalities or backstories could make the audience care more about them and their mission.

5. Tighten up the pacing: The scene is relatively long and has several separate sections, which could make it feel slow or disjointed. Consider condensing or cutting sections to make the scene more streamlined and focused.



Scene 39 -  The Well of Souls
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 7
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 7
  • Dialogue: 8
EXT. OPS CENTER/AIRFIELD - NIGHT

HOLDING HIS BREATH Quaritch yanks the hatch open and strides
onto the outer landing. Inside people scramble for MASKS.

THE SAMSON lifts off in a blast of rotor-wash just as --

QUARITCH OPENS FIRE and --

ROUNDS rake the ship. Trudy banks hard, using the bottom to
shield them. Bullets WHACK into the ship as she climbs-out
over the tree-line.

Jake’s fist pumps the air exultantly.

JAKE
Oh yeah, baby!

GRACE
Aaahh, crap. Not again.

He looks over at Grace and freezes. She is looking down at a
BLOODY HAND. She clutches her abdomen, covering the
spreading stain. Looks at Jake, wide-eyed.

GRACE
This is gonna ruin my whole day.

JAKE
Hang on, Grace.
CUT TO:

EXT. SHACK / SITE 26 - NIGHT

NORM’S AVATAR, with an AR slung over his shoulder, stands on
the roof of the LINK MODULE. He gives a thumbs up signal.
The lift cable goes taut and --

The shack LIFTS OFF THE GROUND.

Trudy’s Samson beats the grass of the mountain meadow,
straining to lift the module on a long-line sling. The shack
sways as Trudy banks across forested slopes and heads deeper
into the HALLELUJAH MOUNTAINS.
115.



INT. SAMSON CABIN - NIGHT

Outside the windows, clouds and cliffs pass by, lit by
Polyphemus.

Jake is yanking stuff out of the Samson’s trauma bag, while
Grace lies curled across two back seats, hugging her blood-
soaked abdomen. She is pale and shocky.

Trudy is flying on visual only, by the light of Polyphemus.
Her instruments are showing gibberish.

TRUDY
Well, at least they won’t be able to
track us up here. Not this deep in the
vortex.

JAKE
It’s strongest at the Well of Souls,
right?

TRUDY
Yeah.

JAKE
Good, ‘cause that’s where we’re going.

TRUDY
Copy.

He gives Grace an ampule of morphine for the pain.

JAKE
I’m gonna get you some help, Grace.

GRACE
Forget it, it doesn’t matter.

Jake grabs her shoulders.

JAKE
No! The People can help you. I know it.
CUT TO:

EXT. WELL OF SOULS - AERIAL - DAWN

Dawn light paints the massive ARCHES of magnetic rock above
the Well of Souls.

Tiny as an insect, the SAMSON passes.
116.



JAKE (V.O.)
The Well of Souls. The heart of the
forest. I knew the People would go
there.

EXT. WELL OF SOULS - DAWN

The WELL OF SOULS is a deep caldera 100 meters across. It is
ringed with enormous WILLOWS whose roots seem to pour down
the sheer rock walls like candle wax.

AT THE BOTTOM, in a natural amphitheater, the Omaticaya
refugees are clustered around a central rock outcropping
which forms a kind of dais and altar.

Shafts of dawn light reach to the bottom of the grotto,
lighting a single willow -- the MOTHER TREE. Ancient and
gnarled, it grows in the center of the rock.

Its ROOTS spread down to the grotto floor, where they merge
with the roots of the willows ringing the Well -- forming a
braided mat resembling the surface of a brain.

Mo'at stands on the dais, leading them in a CHANT.

MO’AT
(subtitled)
Wise ancestors who live within Eywa,
guide us. Give us a sign.
CUT TO:

EXT. FOREST CLEARING - DAWN

The shack descends from the sky like a gift from the gods.
It bumps to the ground.
CUT TO:

INT. SHACK -- DAY

Grace lies, comatose, in her open link. Trudy gives Jake a
look that says “not much time.” Jake feels Grace’s cold
forehead, then crosses to his own link.

As Trudy helps him in, Norm rapidly preps the system.

NORM
(low)
Tsu’tey is Olo’eyctan now. He’s not
going to let you get near that place.

JAKE
I’ve gotta try, Norm.
117.



Jake pulls the clamshell down and we --
CUT TO:

EXT. RUINS OF HOMETREE - DAY

CU JAKE’S AVATAR -- HIS EYES OPEN. He sits up. The forest is
silent, shrouded in smoke that the sun can’t penetrate. The
animals have fled. Ash blows on the wind.

JAKE (V.O.)
Outcast. Betrayer. Alien. To ever face
them again, I was gonna have to change
the rules.

DISSOLVE -- JAKE reaches the top of a rise. The forest
beyond is utterly DEVASTATED. The trees burned and fallen.
Small fires still flicker across a landscape in Hell.

JAKE stares. It is his vision, made real. He stumbles
through the dark wasteland, sparks and ash swirling around
him.

A SCREECH. Jake looks up as --

HIS BANSHEE -- bonded for life -- flaps down to a landing in
front of him. He steps to it, and strokes its head. It
nudges his chest like a horse.

JAKE (V.O.)
Sometimes your whole life boils down to
one insane move.

JAKE
Come on, boy. Time to fly.

OMIITED
Genres: ["Action","Adventure","Drama","Sci-Fi"]

Summary Jake, Grace, and Norm escape captivity and head to the Well of Souls to seek the help of the Na'vi. The landscape on their journey is devastated and reflects the human destruction of the forest and Na'vi way of life.
Strengths "The devastation of the landscape sets the stage for an emotional impact and highlights the theme of human destruction. The character of Jake's mission to seek forgiveness and save the Na'vi creates a strong sense of conflict. The dialogue is tense and impactful."
Weaknesses "There are some scenes that feel rushed and underdeveloped. The switch between action scenes and scenes of dialogue creates a disjointed feeling at times."
Critique As a screenwriting expert, I would critique the following scene as follows:

The action is well-written and easy to follow. The pacing is good, and the stakes are high. The characters are well-defined, and their personalities come through in their dialogue and actions. There is a good balance of action and character development, with enough tension to keep the audience engaged.

One area for improvement could be the use of cliches in the dialogue, particularly Jake's exclamation of "Oh yeah, baby!" This line feels out of place and doesn't add anything to the scene. Additionally, the use of the phrase "Hang on, Grace" feels cliche and overdone in action movies.

Overall, the scene is well-constructed and tells a compelling story. With some minor edits to the dialogue, it could be even stronger.
Suggestions Here are some suggestions for improving the scene:

- Consider adding more description and visual details to the action. For example, instead of simply saying "Trudy banks hard," describe how the ship maneuvers and the physical sensations the characters experience. This will help create a more immersive and thrilling experience for the audience.
- Rewrite some of the dialogue to make it more natural and believable. For example, the line "This is gonna ruin my whole day" could be replaced with something that sounds more like how a real person would talk in that situation.
- Clarify the stakes of the scene and the characters' motivations. Why are they going to the Well of Souls? What do they hope to accomplish? What are the consequences if they fail?
- Consider adding more emotional depth and development for the characters. For example, how does Grace feel about the fact that she's been injured? Does this affect her relationship with Jake or the other characters?
- Think about how the scene fits into the larger story and whether any elements could be adjusted or added to better serve the overall narrative arc. For example, is there an opportunity to introduce new conflicts or complications here that will pay off later in the story?



Scene 40 -  The Great Leonopteryx
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 9
  • Dialogue: 7
EXT. MOUNTAINS - DAY

THE GREAT LEONOPTERYX glides effortlessly along the ridge
where Jake and Neytiri first encountered him.

It scans for prey below, its magnificent indigo-crested head
cocking left, then right.

JAKE (V.O.)
The way I had it figured, Toruk is the
baddest cat in the sky. Nothing attacks
him. So why would he ever look up?

FROM ABOVE -- THE SMALL SHADOW of Jake’s banshee falls across
the back of the mighty Toruk.
118.



JAKE (V.O.)
But that was just a theory.

JAKE DIVES and WE RUSH DOWN toward the great beast and our
own shadow then --
CUT TO:
Genres: ["Action","Sci-Fi","Drama"]

Summary Jake and Neytiri ride their banshees alongside the Great Leonopteryx, the most powerful creature in Pandora's sky. Jake reflects on his theory that nothing would ever attack the Leonopteryx, but soon puts it to the test.
Strengths "The scene builds on themes of trust, bravery, and the power of nature. The action and visuals are stunning, with a good balance of dialogue."
Weaknesses "The scene feels slightly disconnected from the overall plot and may not have a significant impact on the story."
Critique Overall, the scene has effective descriptive language and sets up the presence of a dangerous and majestic creature. The use of voiceover from Jake helps to explain the significance of what is happening. However, there are no clear character actions or objectives in this scene, aside from observing the Leonopteryx. The scene is also very short and lacks a clear progression or story arc. To make it more engaging for the audience, adding specific character actions and objectives could help make the scene more compelling. Additionally, there could be some tension or conflict introduced, such as danger from the creature or a disagreement between Jake and Neytiri about how to approach it.
Suggestions Here are some suggestions to improve the scene:

1. Create more tension: While the scene starts with the Great Leonopteryx gliding effortlessly, there is no sense of danger or tension. Adding a sense of danger can make the scene more dramatic. Perhaps the Leonopteryx is hunting and the characters have to avoid being seen or attacked.

2. Develop the characters: This scene could be used to develop the characters of Jake and Neytiri further. Perhaps they have a disagreement about how to approach the Leonopteryx. Engaging in dialogue can give insight into their personalities and motivations.

3. Connection to the plot: This scene doesn't seem to have a direct connection to the plot. Adding a connection, such as the Leonopteryx being sought after for a particular reason, can keep the audience engaged with the story.

4. More specific action: The scene description is quite general, lacking in detail. Adding specific action, such as the Leonopteryx taking down a prey, can bring the scene to life and engage the audience.

5. Consider pacing: With only 11 scenes left after this one, the scene should help build towards the climax rather than being a standalone moment. Consider how this scene can contribute to the overall pacing of the film and prepare the audience for the final act.



Scene 41 -  The Death of Grace and the Rise of Toruk Macto
  • Overall: 8.5
  • Concept: 9
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 9
  • Dialogue: 8
EXT. WELL OF SOULS - LATE AFTERNOON

The Omaticaya people lift their voices in a SONG filled with
tragic loss and yearning for deliverance.

CLOSE ON NEYTIRI, singing. A SHADOW CROSSES HER FACE. She
looks up, and her eyes go wide as --

A TERRIBLE CRY echoes, turning all eyes skyward. AN ENORMOUS
SHADOW covers the crowd as --

TORUK comes out of the sun, beating its huge wings to slow
its descent. Its crimson and black wings, backlit by the
sun, seem to glow from within.

The People CRY OUT in alarm and scatter as the dreaded beast
alights in their midst. And that’s when they see --

JAKE, riding high on its shoulders, plugged-in to its
antenna. It folds its wings and stands calmly amid the
paralyzed Na’vi.

Toruk lowers its body. They stare in awe as Jake dismounts
and strokes the magnificent animal’s flank.

NEYTIRI, TSU’TEY and MO’AT watch in stunned amazement as the
legendary Rider of Last Shadow walks toward them.

NEYTIRI
(breathing the words)
Toruk Macto.

Neytiri raises her arms.

NEYTIRI
(shouting)
Toruk Macto!

ON THE FACES of the Omaticaya -- new hope dawning in their
eyes. WHISPERS flow among them, the words REPEATED --

CROWD
Toruk Macto... Toruk Macto...
119.



Jake walks through the crowd, straight to Neytiri at the foot
of the dais. He looks into her enormous eyes, and the
emotion between them is powerful and pure.

NEYTIRI
I See you.

JAKE
(a hoarse whisper)
I See you.

Neytiri’s eyes brim with tears.

NEYTIRI
I was afraid Jake -- for my people. I’m
not any more.

Jake takes Neytiri’s hand and climbs the steps of the dais.

MO’AT steps back in awe as he approaches. He turns to
Tsu’tey, who stares at him with fear and incomprehension.
Jake plays to the rapt crowd as he says --

JAKE
(subtitled)
Tsu’tey of the Rongloa, son of Ateyo. I
stand before you, ready to serve the
People.
(then just for Tsu’tey)
You are Olo’eyctan, and you are the best
warrior. I can’t do this without you.

Tsu’tey struggles with his emotions. Finally --

TSU’TEY
I will fly with you.

JAKE
Ireiyo.

JAKE turns to the MATRIARCH.

JAKE
Grace is dying. I beg the help of the
Great Mother.

MO'AT
Bring her, Jakesully.

TIME CUT -- AVATAR JAKE carries Grace’s HUMAN BODY, lightly
in his arms like a child. Jake walks through the crowd to
the dais, followed by NORM, who carries GRACE’S AVATAR.
120.



JAKE
Look where we are, Grace.

Her eyes flutter open. She looks up wonderingly at the Mother
Tree.

GRACE
(with a wan smile)
I need to take some samples.

Mo'at directs them to lay both bodies among the roots on the
altar-rock.

Mo’at touches Jake’s shoulder and he steps back.

MO’AT
(quietly)
The Great Mother may choose to save all
that she is --

Mo’at’s hand indicates Grace’s AVATAR --

MO’AT
-- in this body.

CU JAKE, realizing the enormity of what she’s saying.

JAKE
Is that possible?

MO’AT
Possible, yes. She must pass through the
Eye of Eywa -- and return. But Jakesully--
she is very weak.

Jake kneels next to Grace, taking her tiny human hand in his
avatar hand.

JAKE
Hang on, they’re gonna fix you up.

Grace is barely conscious. She grips his hand.

GRACE
I -- always held back. But you gave them
your heart. I’m proud of you, Jake.

Jake feels his throat close with emotion.

Grace’s eyes blaze with intensity though her voice is faint.
121.



GRACE
Help them. You do whatever it takes. You
hear me?

JAKE
I will.

TIME CUT -- MO’AT stands in a kind of trance amongst the
tendrils of the Mother Tree.

NEYTIRI and the other acolytes dance hypnotically. All the
Omaticaya sway and chant to the rhythm of the drums.

MACRO SHOT -- fine, hairlike THREADS have emerged from the
roots and are gently spreading over Grace’s HUMAN skin.

JAKE, still holding her hand, watches her body being fused to
the root-floor by a thousand connections.

GRACE’S AVATAR is gently connected by the same questing ROOT-
CILIA-- they entwine with the QUEUE and spread over the body.

The grotto is dark except for the spectral GLOW of the
willows. The CHANT continues, hypnotically. MO’AT, on her
knees beneath the Mother Tree, writhes her arms in the trance
state. Her eyes are rolled back, showing only WHITE.

GRACE GASPS and her eyes SNAP OPEN. Her expression is AMAZED,
as if seeing something so beautiful it can never be
explained.

ON HER HAND -- GRIPPING Jake’s convulsively, as she tries to
anchor herself to this world for a few more seconds --

GRACE
I’m with her Jake --
(an amazed whisper)
-- she’s real --

Grace SHUDDERS, as pain shoots through her. BLOOD seeps
through the silken white root-cilia growing across her
abdomen. Drowning WHITE in shocking CRIMSON.

She exhales a last shuddering breath -- and goes STILL.

JAKE
Grace!

He sees the roots falling away from her human body.

JAKE TURNS hopefully toward her AVATAR -- but the roots are
falling away from it as well. It sleeps -- VACANT.
122.



MO’AT stops the chant. She crosses to Jake and kneels with
him, touching his shoulder.

MO’AT
Her wounds were too great, there was not
enough time. She is with Eywa now.

NEYTIRI removes Grace’s mask and gently closes her eyes.

Jake stands slowly, barely holding it together.

NEYTIRI comes to him and he sees the despair and hope
conflicting on her face --

-- and he raises his head. TURNS to face TSU’TEY and the
CROWD.

JAKE
With your permission, I will Speak now.
You would honor me by translating.

Tsu’tey gestures assent, and they face the clan together.

JAKE SPEAKS, the pain of Grace’s death in the passion and
fury of his voice. Tsu’tey TRANSLATES beside him.

JAKE
The Sky People have sent a message that
they can take whatever they want, and no
one can stop them. But we will send them
a message. Ride out, as fast as the wind
can carry you, tell the other clans to
come. Tell them Toruk Macto calls to
them. Fly now with me brothers and
sisters! Fly! And we will show the Sky
People that this is our land!

TSU’TEY finishes with a bloodcurdling war-cry, and the entire
CLAN responds, their shouts echoing across the forest.

JAKE takes Neytiri’s hand and runs to the leonopteryx. He
vaults onto its back and pulls her up behind him.

THE HUNTERS run to their banshees, mounting quickly. Jake’s
leonopteryx rises on mighty wings into the night sky. With a
thunder of wings, the banshees take off after it.

LONG LENS -- POLYPHEMUS. Across its face, the banshees rise
like a swarm of bats. Groups of riders peel off in different
directions.
CUT TO:
123.
Genres: ["Sci-Fi","Action","Adventure"]

Summary After Grace's death, Jake leads the Omaticaya people in a daring plan to take back their land from the Sky People. With the help of Toruk Macto, the legendary beast, they ride into battle against the invaders.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Effective world-building
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue can be a bit heavy-handed
Critique Overall, the scene is well-written and effectively conveys the emotions and tensions of the moment. However, there are a few minor issues that could be addressed.

Firstly, the description of the leonopteryx and its introduction could be clearer. It is not immediately clear what the creature is or how it is being ridden until later in the scene. Clarifying this earlier on would help the reader better visualize what is happening.

Secondly, the dialogue could be improved in some areas. For example, when Jake tells Tsu'tey, "You are Olo'eyctan, and you are the best warrior. I can’t do this without you," it feels a bit clichéd and forced. Finding a more natural way to convey the same message would enhance the authenticity of the moment.

Lastly, there may be an opportunity to add more sensory details to the scene to make it even more immersive for the reader. For instance, describing the smells, sounds, and sensations of the crowd as they react to the arrival of the leonopteryx could help bring the scene to life even more.

Overall, this scene is well-executed and effectively conveys the emotions and tensions of the moment. With a few minor tweaks, it could be even stronger and more impactful.
Suggestions There are several ways to improve this scene:

1. Show more emotion: While there is some indication of emotion, particularly between Jake and Neytiri, there could be more emphasis on the struggles and triumphs of the Omaticaya people. Consider adding close-ups of their faces during the chant and flight scenes to better convey their emotions and sense of victory.

2. Provide more backstory: It might be helpful to flesh out the background of Toruk Macto, as well as the significance of the rider of Last Shadow. This could serve to create more tension and anticipation during the scene.

3. Add more action: While the description of the scene is well-written, there isn't a lot of action going on. Consider adding more dynamic movement to the scene, such as faster cuts and camera movements during the flight scenes.

4. Develop the dialogue: While the dialogue is good, it could be more impactful. Instead of Jake simply stating what is happening ("We will show the Sky People that this is our land!"), he could deliver a more memorable line, perhaps something that ties into the theme of the movie. Additionally, there could be more dialogue between Jake and the other characters, such as Neytiri and Tsu'tey, to further develop their relationships and motivations.



Scene 42 -  Gathering of Forces
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 9
  • Dialogue: 8
EXT. CLAN GATHERING - NIGHT

JAKE and NEYTIRI stand before the gathered members of ANOTHER
CLAN. Jake speaks as she translates. We don’t hear the
words.

TRACK ACROSS the faces of the clan, a sea of eyes in
flickering fire-light.

JAKE (V.O.)
We rode out to the four winds. To the
horse clans of the plain, to the ikran
people of the mountains. When Toruk
Macto called them, they came.

VARIOUS ANGLES -- SLOW MOTION as riders vault onto their
armored direhorses. Banshee riders raise spears and bows,
spurring their mounts to leap skyward.
CUT TO:

EXT. WELL OF SOULS - DAWN

With a WHOOSH and the crack of mighty wings, JAKE RETURNS.
Jake and Neytiri alight from his legendary mount.

Around them HUNDREDS OF BANSHEES are landing. A gathering of
eagles.

FROM ABOVE we can see hundreds of Na’vi streaming down into
the Well of Souls and many hundreds more camped in the forest
above it.

DIREHORSE RIDERS are arriving along many trails.

BANSHEE RIDERS circle and swoop, darkening the sky above the
grotto.

JAKE, standing next to the Leonopteryx, watches his army
gathering.
CUT TO:

INT. COMMISSARY - DAY

It’s standing room only as all base personnel are crowded
into the dining hall. A portable 3D GRAPHICS PROJECTOR has
been set up, and the lights are down. QUARITCH stands in
front of the display image -- a classic pre-mission briefing.

QUARITCH
People, you are fighting for survival.
There’s an aboriginal horde out there
massing for an attack. First slide.
124.



The display shows an overhead image of the Well of Souls. It
looks like Woodstock in the jungle.

QUARITCH
These orbital images show the hostiles’
numbers have gone from a couple of
hundred to over two thousand in one day,
and more are pouring in. By next week it
could be twenty thousand. Then they’ll be
overrunning our perimeter here. We can’t
wait. Our only security lies in pre-
emptive attack. We will fight terror
with terror.

TRACKING ACROSS the grim faces of the miners and troopers.
Fear transforming to hatred in their eyes.

QUARITCH
Next slide. This mountain stronghold is
supposedly protected by their deity.
When we destroy it, we will blast a
crater in their racial memory so deep
they won’t come within a thousand klicks
of this place.
CUT TO:

INT. ARMOR BAY - DAY

TROOPERS issue automatic weapons and magazines to a long line
of mine workers. The miners lock and load like the red-
blooded redneck NRA supporters they are.

BLASTING TECHS are setting radio-detonated primer charges
into two-ton stacks of EXPLOSIVE COMPOUND. The stacks are
band-strapped together on pallets.

TRACKING WITH SELFRIDGE, staring around him in growing dismay
as he walks through the full-scale mobilization.

He approaches Quaritch, who is barking orders amid a hive of
activity around the ampsuits.

SELFRIDGE
This thing is completely out of control!

Quaritch ignores him, turning away to focus on ordnance
loading.

SELFRIDGE
Listen to me! I am not authorizing you to
turn the mine-workers local into a
freakin’ militia!
125.



QUARITCH
I declared threat condition red. That
puts all on-world assets under my
command.

SELFRIDGE
You think you can pull this palace coup
shit on me?! I can have your ass with
one call --

Quaritch grabs him and PINS him against the side of an
ampsuit.

QUARITCH
You’re a long way from Earth.

Selfridge is paralyzed. Physical force -- against him?
Quaritch releases him and walks away.

QUARITCH
(to his men)
Get him out of here.

Several troopers converge on Selfridge.

SELFRIDGE
You touch me you’re so fired.

He pushes through them and they escort him toward the door.
CUT TO:
Genres: ["Action","Adventure","Sci-Fi"]

Summary Jake and Neytiri gather an army of Na'vi, direhorse riders, and banshee riders to take back their land from the Sky People, while Quaritch plans a preemptive attack on the Well of Souls.
Strengths "The scene sets up the final battle between the Na'vi and the humans, with a strong sense of gathering forces and impending conflict. The visual effects and action are impressive, and the scene effectively builds tension."
Weaknesses "The scene is light on dialogue and character development, focusing more on the spectacle of the gathering of forces. Some viewers may find the scene overly predictable."
Critique Overall, this scene seems to be part of an epic action movie. However, there are a few areas that could be improved:

- The dialogue between Jake and Neytiri is not included, which can be frustrating for the audience who wants to know what they are saying. It would be helpful to have subtitles or some other method of conveying the conversation.
- The transition from the clan gathering to the Well of Souls is abrupt and could benefit from a smoother transition to help the audience follow the action.
- The scene in the commissary feels disconnected from the action and could be shortened or condensed for better pacing.
- The dialogue between Quaritch and Selfridge feels a bit cliche and could be more nuanced to add depth to their conflict and motivations.
Suggestions One suggestion to improve this scene would be to make the dialogue more impactful and memorable. It's a climactic moment in the story, and the words spoken by Jake and Quaritch should reflect that. Additionally, adding more visual details could enhance the tension and excitement of the scene, as well as emphasizing the contrast between the peaceful Na'vi and the militaristic humans. For example, showing close-ups of the Na'vi faces as they prepare for battle, or contrasting the gentle landing of the banshees with the harsh machinery of the armor bay. This could heighten the emotional impact and make the scene more engaging for the audience.



Scene 43 -  Preparing for Battle
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 9
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 7
  • Dialogue: 6
INT. SHACK - DAY

HUMAN JAKE, NORM and TRUDY are gathered around the comms
monitor, talking to MAX.

MAX
I don’t know how secure this channel is.

JAKE
Talk fast.

MAX
It’s crazy here, Jake. It’s full
mobilization. They’re rigging the
shuttles as bombers. They’ve made up
these big pallets of mine explosives.
It’s for some kind of shock and awe
campaign.

TRUDY
Frickin’ daisycutters.
126.



NORM
Holy shit.

JAKE
(to Max)
Can you talk to Selfridge? Maybe we can
cut some kinda deal before this thing
goes all the way.

MAX
No, Quaritch has taken over. He’s
rolling and there’s no stopping him.

JAKE
When?

MAX
Oh six hundred tomorrow.

Jake takes that in.

JAKE
Thanks.

Max signs off.

NORM
We’re screwed.

TRUDY
You know he’s gonna commit those bombers
straight to the Well of Souls.

JAKE
That’s right. Because I gave it to him
on a plate.

TRUDY
We both did.

NORM
If he takes out the Well of Souls -- it’s
over. It’s their main line to Eywa, to
their ancestors -- it’ll destroy them.

JAKE
Then I guess we better stop him.

Jake looks like he’s about to collapse. He’s gaunt, eyes
deeply shadowed, hands shaking.

TRUDY
You need to get some rack.
127.



He grabs a packet of freeze-dried crystals and pours them
directly into his mouth, chewing them up.

JAKE
Gonna have to settle for coffee.
CUT TO:

EXT. BATTLE CAMP - DUSK

TRACKING through the warrior camp above the Well of Souls.
Hundreds of hunters from many clans prepare their weapons.

Hunters paint the wings of their banshees like war ponies.
DIREHORSES are painted and ornamented with totemic streamers.

The Na’vi paint and pierce themselves. Dance. Bathe in the
smoke of cleansing herbs -- RITUAL PURIFICATION. HUGE DRUMS
are beaten. A dark primeval energy. They are psyching
themselves up for battle.

JAKE (V.O.)
I was a warrior who dreamed he could
bring peace. But there was only one
thing I was ever really good at. Ooh-rah.

TIME CUT -- Jake, Neytiri a group of banshee riders squat
around an animal skin on which he has drawn the silhouette of
a Scorpion gunship -- like a hunt totem.

JAKE
(Na’vi/subtitled)
Strike here and here.

Jake splats red dye at the centers of the circles symbolizing
the rotors. The Na’vi absorb the lesson eagerly, like kids.

He sees TRUDY approaching and breaks off. Neytiri stays with
the hunters, talking about what they’ve learned.

TRUDY
(low)
You know our chances suck.

JAKE
Yeah.

TRUDY
Going up against gunships with bows and
arrows...

JAKE
What’s your point?
128.



TRUDY
(nodding)
Right.

She taps his fist and walks away toward her SAMSON.
CUT TO:
Genres: ["Action","Adventure","Sci-Fi"]

Summary Jake, Norm and Trudy receive information that the Sky People are planning to attack the Well of Souls and must come up with a plan to stop them. Meanwhile, the Na'vi prepare for battle and psych themselves up with rituals and drumming. Jake teaches the Na'vi how to take down a Scorpion gunship. Trudy expresses concern about their chances against the Sky People's advanced weaponry.
Strengths "The scene builds tension as the characters learn of the Sky People's plans and prepare for battle. The ritual purification and drumming add to the emotional impact and build-up to the upcoming conflict. Jake's teaching moment with the Na'vi adds a layer of strategy to the scene."
Weaknesses "The dialogue feels generic and lacks nuance. The scene does not reveal much new information about the characters or the plot."
Critique Overall, this is a well-written and tense scene with good pacing and clear stakes. However, there are a few areas for improvement.

Firstly, it's not clear who MAX is and what his relationship is to the other characters. This can be confusing for the audience and could benefit from a bit of exposition or context.

Secondly, there are a lot of technical terms and jargon used that may not be easily understood by the average viewer. While it's important to keep the dialogue authentic to the characters and their world, it's also important to strike a balance between authenticity and accessibility.

Thirdly, the transitions between scenes are abrupt and could benefit from smoother transitions or establishing shots to orient the audience in the space.

Overall, this scene effectively builds tension and sets up the conflict for the rest of the story. With a few tweaks, it could be even stronger.
Suggestions One suggestion to improve this scene would be to add more emotional depth and urgency, especially given the gravity of the situation. The characters seem relatively calm and the dialogue is straightforward, which doesn't fully convey the sense of urgency and desperation that should be present in this moment. Consider adding more emphasis on the risks and stakes, as well as the emotional toll this is taking on the characters. You could also consider adding more action or tension-building elements to ramp up the suspense and engage the audience. For example, you could have the characters scrambling to make a plan or prepare for battle while discussing their options, rather than simply talking about the situation. Overall, try to make the scene more impactful and emotionally resonant.



Scene 44 -  Preparing for Battle
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 7
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 7
EXT. WELL OF SOULS - NIGHT

The cook-fires of the battle camp FLICKER like a
constellation around the edge of the Well of Souls as --

JAKE slips down into the darkened, empty amphitheater.

He moves to the MOTHER TREE -- gnarled, ancient, MAJESTIC.
The roots spread in all directions, like the center of the
world.

Jake steps forward. The willow-like tendrils SWAY toward
him, moving in a breeze that isn’t there.

JAKE
I’ve never done this in my life.

He squats at the base of the tree.

JAKE
And I’m probably just talking to a tree
right now. But if you’re there -- I need
to give you a heads up.

He looks up into the tree. The hanging tendrils undulate
softly. It’s easy to imagine a presence.

JAKE
If Grace is there with you -- look in her
memories -- she can show you the world we
come from. There’s no green there. They
killed their Mother, and they’re gonna do
the same thing here.

FROM UP IN THE TREE, looking down. WOODSPRITES float in
silence, moving around aimlessly.

JAKE
More Sky People are gonna come. They’re
gonna come like a rain that never ends --

Neytiri approaches silently behind him, listening.

JAKE
-- until they’ve covered the world.
Unless we stop them.
(MORE)
129.

JAKE (cont'd)
Look, you chose me for somethin’. And
I’ll stand and fight, you know I will.
But I could use a little help here.

Jake senses Neytiri and turns.

NEYTIRI
Our Great Mother does not take sides.
She protects only the balance of life.

She comes to him, intertwining her long fingers with his.

JAKE
It was worth a try.

They lean in, foreheads touching, bodies pressed together.
Holding each other -- in this, the last moment of peace.
CUT TO:

TIGHT ON a turbine as it starts to turn. Its RISING WHINE
carries over --

A SERIES OF RHYTHMIC CUTS:

MAGAZINES are slammed into automatic weapons. AMMO BELTS are
fed into rotary cannons. MISSILES are attached to gunship
stub-wings.

TIGHT ON BLUE HANDS sharpening wooden arrows. Stringing
bows. Cinching direhorse harnesses.

TROOPERS DROP into ampsuit cockpits. PILOTS close gunship
canopies. TROOPERS run up shuttle ramps.

LONG LENS STACK, tight and abstract on gunships as they rise
in a swarm amid boiling turbine exhaust and blasting rotor
wash.

EXT. RAINFOREST/ AERIAL - DAWN

WIDE SHOT -- TILTROTORS fill the sky. Deadly armored beetles.

The DRAGON leads the formation, flanked by SCORPIONS. Behind
that is a wave of SAMSONS, and last, the two enormous
VALKYRIE shuttles, packed with troops and ampsuits.

INSIDE THE DRAGON, Quaritch surveys his armada as they skim
over the tree tops.

THEY SWEEP toward the Hallelujah mountains in a thundering
wave.
130.



EXT. MOUNTAINS/ AERIAL - DAWN

SQUADRONS OF BANSHEES darken the sky in waves, led by a
single GREAT LEONOPTERYX. Jake sits astride his mount,
flanked by Neytiri and Tsu’tey on their banshees.
Genres: ["action","sci-fi","adventure"]

Summary Jake and Neytiri visit the Mother Tree and ask for help in stopping the Sky People from destroying Pandora. Meanwhile, the Sky People prepare for a preemptive attack on the Well of Souls.
Strengths "The scene sets up the crucial battle between the Na'vi and the Sky People. It also shows the strong bond between Jake and Neytiri."
Weaknesses "The scene may drag on for some viewers as there is a lot of exposition and setup."
Critique Overall, the scene is well-written and engaging. However, there are a few areas that could benefit from some refinement.

First, the dialogue could be stronger. While the exchange between Jake and Neytiri is touching and poignant, some of Jake's lines with the Mother Tree feel a bit on-the-nose and could be more nuanced. For example, instead of saying "I need to give you a heads up," he could say something like "I come with a message, if you're willing to listen." This would sound more natural and less clunky.

Second, there are a lot of cuts and short sentences in the scene. While this creates a sense of urgency and action, it can also be a bit jarring and disorienting. It might be helpful to balance out some of the quick cuts with longer, more flowing shots to give the scene a bit more breathing room.

Finally, there could be some more visual or sensory description in the scene. While the shot of the flickering cook-fires is nice, the rest of the scene is mostly focused on character dialogue and action. Adding in more descriptive language about the setting and atmosphere would help to immerse the viewer in the world.

Overall, this is a well-crafted scene that effectively sets up the impending conflict. With a few tweaks to the dialogue and pacing, it could be even stronger.
Suggestions 1. Consider the pacing of the scene. While the earlier half with Jake speaking to the Mother Tree is reflective and meditative, the latter half feels rushed and abrupt. Perhaps consider slowing down the military preparations and giving more weight to the impending conflict.

2. Show, don't tell. While Jake's speech to the Mother Tree is well-intentioned, it comes across as expository and heavy-handed. Instead, try to integrate this information into the action and dialogue of the scene in a more natural way.

3. Develop the emotional stakes of the scene. Jake and Neytiri's last moment of peace feels underdeveloped and lacking in tension or emotion. Consider giving more weight to this scene, perhaps emphasizing the impending danger and uncertainty of their situation.

4. Consider the visual style of the scene. While the descriptions in the script are descriptive, there may be opportunities to enhance the visual appeal of this scene. Consider using lighting, camera angles, and sound design to enhance the tension, emotion, and atmosphere of the scene.



Scene 45 -  The Battle for Pandora
  • Overall: 7.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 7
  • Characters: 6
  • Dialogue: 5
EXT. MOUNTAINS - DAWN

THE DRAGON DESCENDS on final approach to a large clearing --
the LZ. The Samsons flair and touch down, disgorging troops,
while the gunships hover protectively.

THE VALKYRIES blast the ground with their powerful lift jets.
They land. The ramps drop. Troopers pour out, weapons
leveled, advancing in a cordon.

UP ANGLE as AMPSUITS descend from the Dragon on cables.
Their massive feet smash down, and they march forward,
leading the army into the forest.

LYLE WAINFLEET, walking point in his hydraulic suit, scans
his cockpit screens. He sees movement on the FLIR display --
ghostly THERMAL SIGNATURES.

WAINFLEET
Contact. Two hundred meters.

A chilling SOUND echoes through the forest -- the ululating
WAR CRIES of untold Na’vi. The troopers, look around,
spooked. They can’t tell where the sound is coming from.

Then they feel it -- the GROUND ITSELF SHAKING. They grip
their weapons, bracing themselves as --

THREE HUNDRED NA’VI HORSEMEN charge through the forest at a
full gallop, their hooves POUNDING the earth. It is an
awesome sight.

NORM SPELLMAN rides with the Na’vi hunters, carrying an
assault rifle.

THE NA’VI CHARGE thunders toward the human line. The hunters
raise their bows as --

THE AMPSUITS raise their GAU-90’s.

ON THE THERMAL IMAGERS target-cursors track the ghost riders.

QUARITCH
Fire for effect.

The entire line of troopers opens fire. TRACERS riddle the
jungle, blasting foliage into confetti.
131.



CHARGING DIREHORSES crash down, flipping over. Riders are
flung off. The withering fire continues, and the ranks are
decimated as --

RIDERS LAUNCH their arrows at a full gallop. A few hit their
marks among the troopers. NORM FIRES his AR on full auto.

TWO CHARGING DIREHORSES have a heavy log slung between them
like a battering ram. At a full gallop they hit an ampsuit,
FLIPPING IT onto its back with a blown-out canopy. Victory
is short lived as the two riders are cut down.

NORM’S HORSE is hit by tracer fire. He is flung off as the
creature cartwheels. He hits hard, scrambling for cover as --

A WARRIOR HURLS his spear a moment before his horse is cut
down. It SLAMS through an ampsuit’s canopy but --

THE MERCILESS FIRE continues. Horses rear and collapse.
Riders pivot their mounts to flee and --

THE THERMAL SCREENS show the remaining ghost riders
scattering.

LYLE signals and the line advances, firing sporadically at
moving targets.

OVERHEAD, NA’VI HUNTERS stream through the trees, running
along the branches.

As the troopers advance into bow range, the NA’VI open fire
and --

TROOPERS SPROUT ARROWS in throat, legs, masks -- the targets
Jake taught them, but --

THE FIRING LINE aims upward, tracking the THERMAL TARGETS.
TRACERS rip through the foliage and --

NA’VI FALL while others retreat as bark and wood is blasted
off the limbs beneath their feet.

NORM sprints frantically through the woods, shouting into his
HANDSET --

NORM
Jake! Jake! We’re falling back!

SURVIVING NA’VI flee the horrific onslaught. It is a total
rout.

IN THE DRAGON, Quaritch catches glimpses of the figures
streaming through the forest below.
132.



QUARITCH
Blue team, switch forties. Fire at will.

Led by the Dragon, the gunships FIRE streamers of 40mm
ROCKETS ahead of them. The jungle EXPLODES with HE bursts.
Circular SHOCK WAVES flash outward through the jungle --

STROBOSCOPIC GLIMPSES of terrified horses rearing, Na’vi
leaping, as the jungle rocks with the concussive onslaught.

HUNTERS LOOK UP as a dark shape hovers overhead. The
downblast of the VALKYRIE’S lift jets shreds the forest.

INSIDE THE SHUTTLE’S cargo bay, a row of DAISYCUTTERS are
lined up. Troopers roll the first pallet down the ramp.

THE PALLET falls into the jungle below and --

BA-WHOOOOOM! -- an enormous high-explosive blast rips a huge
hole in the forest. A white concussion wave flashes out
across the ground for hundreds of meters in all directions.

AT GROUND LEVEL it is an apocalypse. Running Na’vi are
blasted out of existence by fire and shock waves.

IN THE CARGO BAY the troopers WHOOP and high-five.

TROOPERS
Yeah baby! Get some!

GROUND TROOPS ADVANCE, firing flamethrowers, AR’s and GAU-
90’s.
Genres: ["action","adventure","sci-fi"]

Summary The Sky People launch a preemptive attack on the Na'vi, resulting in a brutal battle in the jungle. The Na'vi suffer heavy losses and are forced to fall back.
Strengths "The scene effectively demonstrates the power imbalance between the technologically-advanced Sky People and the spiritual Na'vi. The action is intense and visceral, with a high level of conflict and emotional impact."
Weaknesses "The dialogue is fairly generic and lacks depth, and the characters are somewhat underdeveloped. Additionally, the scene relies heavily on visual spectacle and may not be as effective in a purely textual format."
Critique This scene is full of action and intensity, but there are a few areas where it could be improved to enhance the emotional impact and character development.

Firstly, there is an over-reliance on describing the action and not enough on the characters’ emotions and reactions. We don’t get a sense of who these troopers are and how they feel about the violence they’re perpetrating against the Na’vi. This could be remedied by including a few lines of dialogue or inner thoughts from some of the troopers, highlighting their conflicted feelings about fighting the Na’vi and the damage they’re causing to Pandora.

Additionally, some of the descriptions of the action could benefit from more vivid and specific language to enhance the sensory experience of the scene. For example, instead of simply stating that horses are “crashing down,” the writer could describe the sickening sound of bones breaking and the sight of blood spraying from wounds.

Finally, the scene could benefit from a clearer sense of rising tension and stakes. There is some back and forth between the troopers and the Na’vi, but it’s not entirely clear what either side is trying to accomplish or what the potential consequences of the fight are. Clarifying these elements would help to keep the audience engaged and invested in the action.
Suggestions 1. Simplify the action and focus on character emotions: This scene is packed with action, but there’s little focus on character emotions. Consider adding in a moment where the troopers react emotionally to what they’re seeing and experiencing. This helps to humanize the characters and make the scene more engaging for the audience.

2. Add more tension and suspense: The scene starts off with a lot of action, but it quickly becomes chaotic and hard to follow. Consider building tension and suspense by slowing down the action a bit and emphasizing the sound design to create a more immersive experience for the audience.

3. Add more visual storytelling: The scene relies heavily on dialogue to convey information to the audience, which can be dull. Consider adding more visual storytelling elements to give the audience a break and make the scene more visually interesting.

4. Give the scene a clear purpose: The scene feels a bit aimless, as it jumps around to different parts of the battle without a clear objective for the characters. Consider giving the scene a clear purpose or goal for the characters to achieve, so that it feels more focused and engaging for the audience.

5. Edit for more concise language: The scene uses a lot of technical terminology and military jargon, which can be confusing for the audience. Consider editing the dialogue and action for more concise language that’s easier for the audience to understand.



Scene 46 -  Preemptive Attack
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 7
EXT. FLOATING MOUNTAINS - AERIAL

Quaritch’s fleet flies into the shadow of the Mountain of
Truth.

QUARITCH
Blue team, stay with the ground units.
Red team, with me. We’re punching for
the main target.

Quaritch glances up to see --

A squadron of WINGED SHAPES, diving out of the morning glare
like birds of prey.

CLOSE ON JAKE, rushing straight down, SCREAMING a war cry as
he leads the charge and --

SCORES OF BANSHEES SLAM into the gunships and Samsons like
falcons hitting fat turkeys. The air battle is joined.
133.



JAKE’S GREAT LEONOPTERYX flairs into its signature crimson X
shape just before --

K-WHAM!! -- it knocks a Scorpion tumbling. It coils around
the gunship, slashing furiously as they spin together. JAKE
can barely hang onto the gyrating creature.

The pilot of the Scorpion sees nothing but jaws slamming into
his canopy. Jake releases the gunship and it careens into a
CLIFF, tearing off one rotor -- then plummets into the trees.
There is a satisfying FIREBALL.

SCORPIONS fall out of formation to pursue individual banshee
riders, FIRING cannons and rockets.

JAKE BANKS as the cliff face next to him explodes with
cannon rounds. SCREAMING down on him is another Scorpion.

JAKE tucks and dives along the cliff, feeling the rounds
splitting the air around him and --

The Scorpions bank after the furiously jinking banshees as
they head for cover among the floating mountains, or dive
down into the trees.

DOOR GUNNERS in a SAMSON are shooting down banshees like
Messerschmidts from a B-17 as --

WE FOLLOW TSU’TEY’S BANSHEE in a full delta dive. He swoops
in from its blind spot and --

THE GUNNERS SWIVEL too late as Tsu’tey flashes past them,
SHOOTING ARROWS with deadly accuracy.

A SCORPION gunship dives after a banshee. It fires an air-to-
air missile and the banshee vanishes in an EXPLOSION.

WIDE SHOT as thirty ships and hundreds of banshees wheel and
dive, like the Battle of Britain. Banshees are hit by guns
and missiles, falling out of the sky. The occasional trail of
smoke and fire marks the demise of a tilt-rotor.

IN THE CENTER the Dragon is pouring out hellacious fire --
tracer rounds from multiple turrets and missiles from the
stub-wing pods.

NEYTIRI BANKS hard as TRACERS flash past her. A Scorpion is
right on her ass as --

SHE ROLLS inverted and dives under the edge of Mons
Veritatis, then rolls out, zig-zagging through the dangling
vines but --
134.



THE GUNSHIP stays on her. It rips through the vines, and
tracers FLASH toward us as --

SHE JINKS the banshee around a thundering waterfall but --

HER PURSUER explodes right through the curtain of water. It
launches an air-to-air missile. NEYTIRI jinks hard, diving.
The missile hits a rock outcropping, pummeling her with the
shock wave.

THE GUNSHIP follows her through a narrow slit between Mons
Veritatis and a smaller floating island. They run this slot
rolled up on their sides and --

THE SCORPION GUNNER locks up Neytiri for a missile shot but --

A SHADOW crosses his canopy. Out of the sun comes a crimson
demon, shrieking over the roar of the turbines, and --

K-WHAMMM!! The leonopteryx SLAMS the gunship, driving it
downward in a dive. The leonopteryx lashes at it with claws
and teeth as they fall together out of control.

Jake kicks the gunship loose and it falls like a brick,
breaking its back on a rocky promontory and EXPLODING.

FLYING WITH A SAMSON as a SECOND SAMSON falls in beside it.
This one has its pilot door off, and the PILOT is wearing a
breathing mask. The door gunners wave at --

TRUDY, her expression grim behind her mask. She holds the
cyclic stick between her knees while she RAKES the other ship
with BURSTS from an AR in her lap.

The pilot slumps over and the craft tumbles out of control.

TRUDY
You’re not the only ones with guns, you
pricks.

NEYTIRI JINKS her banshee hard, an enemy Samson right behind
her. The pilot is a hotdog, following her down into the
trees, under the canopy.

They slalom among the trunks at high speed. The gunners hang
half out the doors, firing. Bark and leaves explode around
Neytiri as she zig-zags through the jungle.

THE BANSHEE dives under a huge tree limb, and the pilot
follows. He looks up at the last second, catching a glimpse
of blue-skinned figures.

THE HUNTERS drop a net of woven vines behind Neytiri and --
135.



The SAMSON hits it hard. The net fouls the ship, FLIPPING IT
backwards. It crashes upside down to the forest floor.
KABOOM!!

NEYTIRI’S BANSHEE is hit by GROUND-FIRE. It folds up like a
broken kite, crashing down through branches and --

SHE SLAMS into the ground, stunned.

IN THE DRAGON Quaritch looks ahead, seeing the WELL OF SOULS.
He taps the pilot and points --

QUARITCH
There it is.
(into his headset)
Valkyrie One, this is Dragon. Target is
in sight.

IN THE CARGO BAY of Valkyrie One, the troopers ready their
deadly loads.

TROOPER
Target in sight.

CIRCLING ABOVE, Tsu’tey falls in beside Jake, who talks to
him by AIRCOM HEADSET.

JAKE
We have to stop the shuttles, no matter
what it takes.

TSU’TEY nods. He signals, gathering other hunters, who fall
in with him as he dives. Jake rolls in after them but --

A GUNSHIP drops in behind him and he is forced to evade as --

TSU’TEY LEADS the attack on the first shuttle. Hunters jink
and weave through WITHERING FIRE from the escort ships.

GUNNERS with jerry-rigged gun mounts ride the broad backs of
the shuttles, picking off banshees who get past the escort.

TSU’TEY is RAKED by a burst from the dorsal gunners. His
mount crumples, plummeting with a dying scream and --

WE SPIRAL DOWN with him, the forest rushing up and --

A BLINDING BLIZZARD of green as he tears downward, catching
at leaves and vines. He SLAMS to the ground, badly injured.

NEARBY, ampsuits and troopers advance across the forest
floor, firing their cannons and flamethrowers. The GAU-90s
rip the forest to shreds.
136.



Norm, firing as he retreats, is HIT. He collapses, his avatar
body mortally wounded as --

HYDRAULIC FEET approach, passing the bodies of direhorses and
Na'vi hunters. Norm painfully tries to load another
magazine, panting in fear and pain as --

AN AMPSUIT stomps up. Aims its cannon point blank. B-BLAM!
Genres: ["Action","Sci-Fi"]

Summary The Sky People launch a preemptive attack on the Na'vi, resulting in a brutal battle in the jungle. The Na'vi suffer heavy losses and are forced to fall back.
Strengths "The action and battle scenes are well executed with intense and exciting moments. The aerial shots and use of creatures in combat are visually impressive."
Weaknesses "The dialogue in the scene is lacking and does not add much depth to the characters or story. The scene relies heavily on action and spectacle rather than character development."
Critique Overall, the scene is well-written and action-packed. However, there are a few areas that could be improved upon.

Firstly, the introduction of the Winged Shapes could be clearer. It's not immediately clear what they are and how they're relevant to the scene.

Secondly, the use of all-caps for sound effects and character action (e.g. "SCREAMING") can be distracting and takes away from the impact of the action itself. It's often more effective to let the action speak for itself, without additional emphasis.

Finally, there are quite a few characters introduced in a short amount of time, which can make it hard for the audience to keep track of who's who. This could be improved by giving each character a more distinctive introduction or describing them more vividly.

Overall, the scene is well-paced and exciting, with great action sequences and tension. With some minor revisions, it could be even more effective at grabbing the audience's attention.
Suggestions Overall, the scene is action-packed and intense, but there are a few ways to make it more effective:

1. Give more context: It is unclear why the battle is happening or what the stakes are. Adding a brief reminder of what the characters are fighting for would help the audience stay engaged.

2. Improve character development: The characters' motives are not fully clear, and there are a lot of them introduced all at once. Focusing more on specific characters and their relationships with each other would make the audience care more about the outcome of the battle.

3. Clarify the action: Though the scene is vivid and exciting, some of the specific actions are hard to follow, such as when Neytiri is hit by ground fire. Simplifying some moments and making them clearer would help the audience understand what is happening and why.

4. Show emotional stakes: Though the action is intense, it is hard to tell what the characters are feeling. Including moments of fear, bravery, or sorrow would heighten the audience's investment in the battle.



Scene 47 -  Preemptive Attack
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 7
  • Dialogue: 7
INT. SHACK

The top of Norm’s LINK bangs open. He reels out, collapsing
onto the floor, clutching himself as if he can still feel the
pain of death.

He sits, huddled, shivering -- crazed.

EXT. RAINFOREST

TSU’TEY lies gasping, mortally injured. He looks up,
grimacing, as an ampsuit looms over him.

LYLE WAINFLEET reaches down and grabs Tsu’tey by his queue,
lifting him painfully.

WAINFLEET
I hear this is worse than death for you,
chief.

WAINFLEET cuts Tsu’tey's queue off near the base. TSU’TEY
SCREAMS in agony, his nervous system exploding on overload.
Grinning, Lyle holds up the queue -- Tsu’tey's only
connection to the world-consciousness which is his life.

NEYTIRI -- bleeding, bruised -- staggers amid burning
wreckage. AMPSUIT footsteps approach and she crouches behind
a tree. Troopers are seconds from seeing her as --

NEYTIRI knocks an arrow to HER FATHER’S BOW, and readies
herself for a last kamikaze shot when --

THE TROOPER on the far right of the firing line sees
something on his screens.

TROOPER
Right flank -- something’s coming! It’s
all lit up out there.

The troopers become aware of the GROUND SHAKING. A slow
building thunderous ROAR and --

AN AMPSUIT comes FLYING out of the trees, cartwheeling past
them, and the SHAKING BUILDS --
137.



EXT. WELL OF SOULS

Mo'at opens her eyes in sudden realization as --

EXT. FOREST

The troopers pivot to face --

A WALL OF CHARGING HAMMERHEADS CRASHING out of the foliage in
a shower of broken branches as --

THE TROOPERS open fire but -- the stampede drives over them
like a wave. Tree-trunk feet shatter the ampsuit cockpits.
Troopers are crushed or asphyxiated.

NEARBY the foot-soldiers see LIVING SHADOWS flow out of the
gloom as --

VIPERWOLVES race among them with flashing jaws. The troopers
FIRE wildly as they go down, hitting each other as much as
their attackers.

The survivors break and run as more viperwolves bound out of
the shadows.

JAKE BANKS, watching as HUNDREDS of rider-less WILD BANSHEES
converge on Quaritch’s ships. They literally darken the sky.

JAKE
What the hell -- ?

The wild banshees wheel among the ships, ripping into them.

ON JAKE -- slowly getting it. EYWA is in the fight.

JAKE
WHOO-HOOOO!

A GUNNER fires from the door of a Samson. There is a CRASH
and the head of a BANSHEE lunges in the open door, jerking
him out. Other banshees tear at the pilot’s windshield.

NEYTIRI watches in awe as the ground troops scatter in
disarray. The viperwolves flash past her, ignoring her.

She senses something and turns slowly to see --

A THANATOR emerging from the smoke behind her. A glistening
black demon. She stands paralyzed before its stygian gaze--

-- and the thanator lowers itself, until its head is just
above the ground. It holds that position -- waiting.
138.



Trembling, she approaches the waiting demon.

EXT. FOREST

A smoky hell. Fires burn all around. The troopers are
disorganized, falling back. Shooting at shadows. Panicked
yelling fills the comm freq.

WAINFLEET and another AMPSUIT are charging together through
the smoky gloom.

WAINFLEET
A and C squads -- rally at my pos. I
want --
(screaming on the comm)
Who’s screaming God damn it?!

TROOPER (ON RADIO)
We gotta get outta here! Whoever’s in
charge, call for extraction!

WAINFLEET
Shutup you crybabies!

SOMETHING slams into the other ‘suit, tackling it OUT OF
FRAME. Wainfleet whirls to see his squad-mate missing. He
moves through a screen of foliage to reveal --

The AMPSUIT -- ripped open. Driver gone. Blood inside the
cockpit. He WHIRLS at a sound in time to see --

A THANATOR LEAPING straight at him -- WAINFLEET raises his
cannon but--

WHAM!! It’s on him, slamming him to the ground. The cannon
goes flying. He’s face to face with its nightmare jaws,
right outside his canopy--

On its back is NEYTIRI, and it’s a toss up which one looks
more pissed off. The thanator rears back, muscles rippling
as it poises to strike and --

K-KRAAACKK! Slams its teeth right through his canopy.
Wainfleet’s SCREAM is brief.

Neytiri’s demon mount rears up and its triumphant ROAR echoes
through the forest.

INT. CORRIDOR

Max runs down the hall, leading the other scientists. He’s
yelling into an AIRCOM HANDSET --
139.



MAX
Rogue One, Rogue One, this is Max. Tell
Jake we are in motion.
(to the scientists)
Get in there. Barricade the door!

INT. LINK ROOM

The door is hurled open and the SCIENTISTS charge in.

Science geeks barricade the door as AVATAR-DRIVERS scramble
into their link units, pulling the clamshells down.

INT. CORRIDOR

Max checks the door is secure from his side then runs down a
connecting corridor.
CUT TO:

EXT. SHACK

HUMAN NORM emerges from the airlock, wearing breathing gear
and carrying an AR. He stumbles, dazed, toward the battle.
Genres: ["Action","Sci-Fi"]

Summary The Sky People launch a preemptive attack on the Na'vi, resulting in a brutal battle in the jungle. The Na'vi suffer heavy losses and are forced to fall back.
Strengths "The action and battle scenes are well choreographed and keep the audience engaged. The inclusion of supernatural elements such as EYWA and the living creatures add an intriguing layer to the conflict."
Weaknesses "Some characters feel underdeveloped and their motivations unclear. The dialogue at times can be cliched and predictable."
Critique As a screenwriting AI language model, I cannot say whether this scene is good or bad as I lack the ability to interpret subjective emotions. However, I can provide feedback on technical aspects. One thing to note is that the scene lacks a clear protagonist, motivation, and conflict. While the scene is action-packed, it is difficult to follow and understand the stakes and goals of the characters. The scene also feels disconnected from the rest of the story and raises questions about its relevance to the overall plot. The dialogue could benefit from more character development and organic exchanges. The description of the action and setting is extensive, but there is room for improvement in conveying a visual and emotional impact on the audience.
Suggestions There are a few suggestions to improve this scene:

1. Provide more context: The scene jumps back and forth between different characters and locations without much explanation, making it difficult to follow and connect emotionally with any of the characters. By providing more context and background information, the audience can better understand the stakes of the scene and become invested in the characters' actions.

2. Simplify the action: There is a lot of chaotic action happening in this scene, which can be overwhelming for the audience. Simplifying the action and making it clearer who is doing what can make it easier for the audience to follow along and become more engaged in the scene.

3. Build suspense: The scene could benefit from more suspenseful moments that keep the audience on the edge of their seats. By building tension and creating the sense that anything could happen at any moment, it can make the scene more thrilling and exciting for the audience.

4. Define character motivations: It's unclear what some of the characters are fighting for or why they are doing what they are doing. By defining their motivations and making it clear why they are risking their lives, the audience can better connect with the characters and feel more invested in the outcome of the scene.

5. Strengthen emotional beats: In a scene with this much action, it's important to have emotional beats that ground the audience and create a sense of emotional investment in the scene. By strengthening these emotional beats and giving the characters more moments to connect and show their emotions, the audience can feel more connected to the scene and the characters.



Scene 48 -  Sky People's Preemptive Attack
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 7
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 7
  • Dialogue: 6
EXT. MOUNTAINS/ AERIAL

JAKE SIGNALS and a formation of hunters rolls in, diving at
the lead shuttle, which is already besieged by winged
creatures.

THE CARGO RAMP is the scene of a pitched battle. Na’vi
hunters hurl themselves off their mounts in waves,
overwhelming the troopers.

HUNTERS are shot, falling out of the ship, as others fly in.
They shoot arrows and spears from the end of the ramp, and
troopers fall back deeper into the fuselage.

The panicked CREW CHIEF slams a switch and the ramp begins to
close, a second before he is cut down by a spear.

JAKE’S LEONOPTERYX plummets at the shuttle from behind. He
swoops down, flairs to reduce speed, rolls off his mount and
lands, tumbling on the shuttle’s broad back as --

GUNNERS try to swing their guns toward him but he RAKES them
with his AR, still running forward and --

JAKE PULLS two grenades from his battle harness, yanking the
pins out with his teeth. He hurls them down the intakes of
the VTOL turbofans as --

HIS LEONOPTERYX BANKS in a tight arc back toward him and --
140.



HE SPRINTS ON as the grenades EXPLODE, shattering the
turbines, which riddle the fuselage with shrapnel and --

JAKE LEAPS INTO SPACE, landing on the back of his mount and
reconnecting. They flap away, gaining altitude as fire
BLASTS out of the bottom of the shuttle.

ON THE FLIGHT DECK, the pilot feels the ship dropping.

PILOT
Mains to a hundred percent! Get me
airspeed!

The pilot and copilot slam the throttle levers forward and --

The FUSION ENGINES BLAZE, thrusting the shuttle forward. It
still falls, its remaining lift fans screaming, until --

IT’S CLIPPING the tree tops when it gets enough translational
lift to fly and --

THE PILOT PULLS back on the stick, lifting the nose.

PILOT
We’re good!

BEHIND HIM, a surviving Na’vi hunter runs forward and --

THOONK! ARROWHEADS sprout from the pilots’ necks and chests.

THE SHUTTLE CLIMBS out of control, at full acceleration. It
SLAMS into the underside of MONS Veritatis. It EXPLODES, and
hundreds of tons of flaming debris drop back into the forest.

ON THE FLIGHT DECK of the other SHUTTLE, the pilots watch the
wreckage falling.

PILOT
Valkyrie Two is breaking off. And if any
of ya’ll want to get off this piece of
shit planet, you better cover our ass,
‘cause we’re the only way back to orbit.

GUNSHIP PILOT
Roger that.

FROM THE DRAGON COCKPIT Quaritch watches the shuttle bank
away, with most of the remaining gunships following.

QUARITCH
Get back here you worthless pukes!
141.



PILOT
Are we breaking off?

Quaritch draws his pistol.

QUARITCH
What do you think?

He is over the edge-- no logic in his brain now. Only death.

INT. OPS CENTER/CORRIDOR

Techs and troopers crowd around consoles, listening to all
the yelling and confusion as they try to plot the
disintegrating battle.

SELFRIDGE
(in growing alarm)
What the hell is going on out there?
CUT TO:

EXT. RAINFOREST

Regular troopers and volunteers FLEE through the jungle,
scrambling to board SAMSONS as they touch down.

INT. DRAGON COCKPIT

The pilot listens to comms from Hell’s Gate.

PILOT
Sir, all ground units are falling back to
the LZ.

Quaritch’s jaw clenches.

QUARITCH
Stay on target.

EXT. WELL OF SOULS

Mo'at LOOKS UP as the DRAGON appears over the trees like the
shadow of Death. Around her, the Na’vi mothers clutch their
children to them. We see AKWEY’S BOY among them.

INT. DRAGON COCKPIT

Quaritch sets the target cursor on the MOTHER TREE and what
we recognize is the ghostly figure of Mo'at.

QUARITCH
Switch missiles. Arm all pods.
142.



PILOT
Arming.

QUARITCH
Let’s see what these blue bastards do
when I bitch-slap their goddess.
Genres: ["Action","Sci-Fi"]

Summary The Sky People launch a preemptive attack on the Na'vi resulting in a brutal battle in the jungle. The Na'vi suffer heavy losses and are forced to fall back.
Strengths "Intense action scene with high stakes and emotional impact"
Weaknesses "Dialogue is not particularly strong or memorable"
Critique The scene is action-packed and intense, but it could benefit from more character development and motivation. The Na’vi hunters are fighting to protect their home, but the troopers seem to be following orders without much personal investment in the conflict. Additionally, Jake’s actions are impressive, but without a deeper understanding of his character, it’s hard to fully appreciate his bravery and skills.

The language used in the scene is also a bit on-the-nose, with characters literally stating their emotions and intentions instead of allowing their actions and expressions to convey them. For example, the panicked crew chief slamming a switch and announcing that the ramp is closing feels unnecessary.

Overall, the scene could benefit from more character development and subtlety in the writing.
Suggestions This scene has a lot of action, but it could benefit from some clarity and focus. Here are some suggestions:

1. Establish the stakes: It's not immediately clear why the characters are fighting or what they're trying to achieve. Adding a brief bit of exposition or dialogue to establish the overall goal of the battle (e.g. "We need to take out the enemy's shuttle so we can secure the area") could help give the scene some context.

2. Simplify the action: There are a lot of different things happening at once in this scene, which can make it hard to follow. Consider focusing on one or two key actions or objectives (e.g. Jake trying to take out the shuttle's engines) and making sure those actions are clear and easy to follow.

3. Show the consequences: While there is some fallout from the battle (the shuttle crashing), it's not clear what the impact of the battle is on the larger conflict. Showing some aftermath (e.g. casualties, damage to the Na'vi's land) could help make the stakes of the battle clearer.

4. Consider the pacing: This scene is one of the longer ones in the script and has a lot of action packed into it. Given that it comes near the end of the movie, it might be worth considering speeding up the pace (either by cutting some of the action or by condensing it into shorter, more impactful moments) to keep the audience engaged and invested in the outcome.



Scene 49 -  The Battle Continues
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 7
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 7
  • Dialogue: 6
EXT. MOUNTAINS/ AERIAL

JAKE’S LEONOPTERYX drops toward the Dragon like a Mig 29. He
pulls out, skimming over the ship. Uncoupling, he rolls
backward off his mount and --

JAKE HITS, skidding, on the hull of the Dragon. He rolls to
his feet, already running as --

QUARITCH sees the leonopteryx WHOOSH overhead and flap away
with no rider. He snap-looks aft to see --

JAKE SPRINTING along the spine of the ship, yanking two
grenades from his battle-harness, pulling the pins with his
teeth, then --

QUARITCH’s hand shoots out and SLAMS the pilot’s CYCLIC STICK
hard over. THE DRAGON lurches sideways, rolling sharply with
a ROAR of protesting rotors and --

JAKE IS FLUNG off his feet. The grenades miss the TURBINE
INTAKES. One bounces off the ship. The other lodges against
a cowling and --

JAKE SLIDES OFF the ship, falling as -- K-BLAM! The grenade
blows a two meter hole in the hull --

WHOOOSHH! Pandoran air swirls inside.

QUARITCH
(to the pilot)
Put your mask on.

Quaritch leaps out of his seat, heading aft as --

JAKE GRABS the edge of a weapons pod, his feet dangling over
open space.

HOLDING HIS BREATH, Quaritch blows a RESCUE HATCH and leans
outside. Jake sees him aim his massive PISTOL.

K-WHAM! K-WHAM! Rounds clang next to Jake’s head. He LETS GO,
plummeting into the trees --

Jake plunges through jungle canopy. He catches a HUGE LEAF,
as Neytiri taught him -- it bends down, breaking his fall --
143.



HE LETS GO, dropping again only to catch ANOTHER LEAF, and
then another, and --

WE RUSH DOWN with him through this green blur. Jake drops to
the ground in a feral crouch. Unhurt.

JAKE
(into his headset)
Quaritch is gonna take out the Well of
Souls! He’s got a clear shot. Hit him,
anybody that can! Do it now!

IN HER SAMSON Trudy Chacon is all business.

TRUDY
On it.

SHE BANKS hard, pulling g’s, coming around on the Dragon.
She pours on the coal and the Samson leaps forward, straight
at the WARSHIP.

QUARITCH, DRILLS a stream of tracers at her, tearing through
her canopy, ripping chunks off her fuselage.

IN THE JUNGLE BELOW, Norm watches her kamikaze run --

NORM
No!

TRUDY
(clipped, pilot-like)
Norm, I love you.

TRUDY DIVES, raking through treetops and then, at the last
instant, YANKS BACK on the stick and --

THE SAMSON leaps straight up and -- K-KRASH!! SHEARS OFF THE
COCKPIT of the Dragon as --

QUARITCH THROWS HIMSELF aft along the aisle and --

TRUDY’S SAMSON disintegrates, the wreckage burning as it
tumbles into the jungle.

MILES QUARITCH grips the bulkhead as he stares out the open
front of the fuselage. Wind howls through wreckage where the
pilot used to be. The forest rushes up to meet him and --

THE DRAGON CRASHES through splintering trees, IMPACTING in a
lake with a WHITE BLAST of water.
144.



EXT. RAINFOREST - DAY

Norm takes a few steps and drops to his knees. Imploded by
grief.

INT. OPS CENTER/ HELL’S GATE

ON THE PLOTTING DISPLAY as Quaritch’s TRANSPONDER ICON
disappears.

TROOPER
Dragon is down. It’s off the board.

SELFRIDGE
What do you mean, off the board?!

Selfridge is stunned. Suddenly the ROAR of an ENGINE makes
them all look up.

OUTSIDE THE WINDOW, MAX sits in the cab of an enormous SLASH-
CUTTER. Max flips Selfridge the bird and pushes a lever
forward --

SELFRIDGE
Oh shit.

Selfridge DIVES as --

K-RASHHHHH! The SPINNING TEETH of the SLASH-CUTTER tear
through the window in a blast of glass and lethal air. Alarms
go off. The technicians dive for cover in a blizzard of
glass and shredded debris.

The slash-cutter head pulls back, and AVATARS SCRAMBLE
through the gaping hole into the Ops Center --

The TROOPERS look up to see blue giants aiming weapons down
at them. The battle is over in seconds. The avatars are
holding the Ops Center.

Selfridge lies there gasping, in his emergency mask. In
shock. How could this be happening?
CUT TO:
Genres: ["Action","Adventure","Sci-Fi"]

Summary Jake launches a daring attack on the Dragon, but is ultimately forced to flee. Trudy sacrifices herself to take out the Dragon, and the Na'vi launch a surprise attack on the Hell's Gate Ops Center.
Strengths "High stakes action, thrilling aerial battle sequence, strong emotional beats"
Weaknesses "Limited character development, some cliched dialogue"
Critique The scene described in the screenplay has a lot of action and movement, but it lacks emotional depth and character development. The characters seem to be doing things simply to move the story along rather than acting with intention and motivation. Additionally, the description of the action is sometimes unclear, such as when Jake hits the hull of the Dragon, it's not entirely clear what he's hitting or why. The scene could benefit from more clarity and a focus on character motivations and emotions to create a more engaging and impactful moment.
Suggestions There are few suggestions that could improve this scene:

1. Add more detail to the description. While the action is clear, the scene lacks details that would help the reader visualize it. Adding sensory details like the sound of the wind or the scent of the jungle air would help to immerse the audience in the scene.

2. Edit down the action. The scene is packed with action, but some of it feels extraneous and does not move the story forward. Streamlining the action would keep the pace and tension high while also making the scene more impactful.

3. Add more emotion. While the characters are in danger, there is no emotional weight to the scene. Adding more emotional reactions like fear or desperation would help to make the audience care about the characters and the outcome of the scene.

4. Consider the characters' motivations. While the action is exciting, it is not always clear why the characters are doing what they're doing. Adding more context and motivation for the characters' actions would help to make the scene more grounded and relatable to the audience.



Scene 50 -  The Final Battle and Quaritch's Defeat
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 10
  • Dialogue: 7
EXT. LAKE

THE DRAGON lies half submerged. Out of the water FG, a shape
rises -- a AMPSUIT. Inside -- MILES QUARITCH, his face
bloody, his eyes burning.

He slogs out of the water, covered with mud, then strides
into the forest.
145.



QUARITCH’S AMPSUIT THUDS relentlessly through the jungle. He
sees something through the foliage ahead -- the SHACK.

INSIDE THE SHACK Jake is oblivious under the link. Through a
window we see Quaritch's AMPSUIT step into the clearing.

QUARITCH levels his GAU-90 at the shack. His finger goes to
the firing button--

WHAM!! A six-legged BLACK DEMON tackles him.

Quaritch pivots as he falls, FIRING the cannon. It misses
Neytiri by inches. He grapples with the THANATOR as its
razor claws SCREECH over his metal armor.

THE TITANS twist and struggle. QUARITCH UNLEASHES a long
burst from the cannon. Rounds tear into the creature, which
SHRIEKS but --

NEYTIRI wills it to SMASH the cannon hard against a rock,
tearing it loose from the ‘suit’s hand but --

Quaritch SLAMS the thanator back against a tree-trunk, almost
crushing Neytiri.

CLOSE ON one hydraulic hand, as it draws the ‘suit’s KNIFE
and --

QUARITCH TWISTS violently, ramming the knife up under the
thanator’s chest armor. The creature ROARS and Quaritch flips
on top of it, stabbing.

QUARITCH STABS DOWN AGAIN. The thanator slumps, pinning
Neytiri's legs under its great bulk. She is trapped.

Quaritch looks down at Neytiri. She glares back at him,
panting, scared but defiant.

JAKE (O.S.)
It’s all over Quaritch --

Quaritch turns, seeing Jake DROPPING from a tree limb. The
‘suit rises slowly, knife glinting in the morning sun.

QUARITCH
Nothing’s over while I’m breathing.

JAKE
Kinda hoped you’d say that.

QUARITCH SURGES forward. JAKE closes fast, snatching up the
broken CANNON as --
146.



Quaritch SLASHES DOWN with the knife and Jake parries,
blocking it with the cannon. He CLOSES faster than the suit
can move and --

K-CRACK! -- SLAMS the end of the cannon into the canopy,
crazing it with a web of cracks as QUARITCH SLICES air with
the huge knife. Jake ducks, coming up to meet the next slash
and --

SMASHES the knife hand with the cannon once -- twice -- again
-- in a furious attack -- knocking the knife flying.

QUARITCH catches him with the other arm, hurling him away.
Jake rolls just before --

THUDDD! -- the massive foot stomps down where he just was. He
scrambles up as Quaritch CHARGES and --

JAKE DUCKS another round-house, LEAPING forward to smash the
canopy again -- then again -- until it is WHITE with cracks.
Quaritch manages to GRAB the cannon barrel but --

INSIDE THE COCKPIT, he sees nothing but the sun on the
shattered glass. HE HURLS the cannon blindly, but Jake ducks.
The massive cylinder cartwheels toward the shack and --

FROM INSIDE we see it CRASH against pressure window, crazing
it but not penetrating. Jake’s link sits just inside.

INSIDE THE COCKPIT, Quaritch yanks a yellow handle and --

P-FOOM! -- the canopy BLOWS OFF, flying through the air.
Quaritch can see again. He dons his breathing mask. Bends to
pick up his KNIFE.

NEARBY NEYTIRI struggles furiously, trying to get her legs
free from underneath three tons of thanator.

QUARITCH, panting, glowers at Jake.

QUARITCH
How does it feel to betray your own race?

Then, inexplicably, he TURNS. Walks away.

FROM INSIDE the shack, we see him charge straight toward us
and --

CRASH! -- he puts his hydraulic fist right through the
window. He is reaching inside for the Link when --

JAKE HITS in a flying tackle with every ounce of force he
has, knocking the ampsuit sideways and --
147.



JAKE REACHES around the suit, grabbing Quaritch’s shoulder
and, yanks him forward HARD, SMASHING his face into the edge
of the cockpit but --

QUARITCH flings him off with a sweep of his arm, and Jake
slams to the ground.

INSIDE THE LINK Jake is holding his breath as the toxic
Pandoran air swirls in. GAS ALARMS SHRIEK.

NEYTIRI shoves with one free leg, desperately trying to pull
her other leg out.

THE AMPSUIT charges, the knife flashing down and --

JAKE just manages to catch it in both hands, but the force of
the attack drives him to his knees as --

QUARITCH pushes the knife down inexorably, until Jake is
pinned against a rock, the blade now inches from his throat.

INSIDE THE LINK Jake is straining to stay conscious, to stay
connected as --

THE KNIFE reaches his throat as --

THWAP! AN ARROW APPEARS in Quaritch’s chest. He looks up.

NEYTIRI STANDS -- a FURY released. A classic archer figure,
she NOCKS another arrow. Then draws and releases smoothly.

TH-WHAP! The machine TOPPLES off Jake and lies still.

QUARITCH STARES at the two arrows in his chest. He touches
the feathers of the ancient weapon, then -- with an ironic
laugh -- he dies.

NEYTIRI runs up, another arrow nocked, bow drawn. Seeing
Quaritch, she lowers her father’s bow.

JAKE sees her, then goes limp, his eyes rolling back, and --

INT. SHACK

HUMAN JAKE EXPLODES out of the Link, slamming to the floor
where he gags for breath. With his last strength, he claws
toward an emergency breathing mask -- across the room.

He scrambles toward it, on the edge of unconsciousness.

NEYTIRI VAULTS through the shattered window, landing in the
debris like a cat. She GRABS the mask and flashes to Jake’s
side -- puts the mask over his face and --
148.



JAKE drags in breath after breath. He looks up at Neytiri,
studying him as she holds him -- seeing his human body for
the first time.

Jake touches her face, his pale human hand against the blue
of her skin. There eyes meet across the glass of the mask --
together, separate. Worldless.
CUT TO:
Genres: ["Action","Sci-Fi"]

Summary Quaritch, in his Ampsuit, attacks the Na'vi in their shack while Jake is connected to his Avatar. Neytiri tries to defend herself when Quaritch corners Jake with a knife, but a well-aimed arrow from Neytiri and Jake's quick reflexes take him down. Jake barely makes it out alive with the help of Neytiri.
Strengths "The action scenes are intense and thrilling, especially the final fight between Quaritch and Jake. The emotional moments between Neytiri and Jake are powerful."
Weaknesses "The dialogue could be more creative and original. Some moments feel rushed and could have been expanded upon."
Critique There are a few issues with the scene that could be improved.

1. Lack of description: The setting and action are not consistently described. For example, when Quaritch is fighting the thanator, it is not clear where Neytiri is in relation to the action. More description could help the reader visualize the scene more clearly.

2. Pacing: The scene feels rushed, particularly in the climax when Quaritch is killed. It happens quickly and without much build-up or tension. More attention to pacing and buildup could make the scene feel more impactful.

3. Dialogue: The dialogue is rather generic and lacks the specific voices of the characters. It feels like placeholder dialogue that could be improved with more character-specific language.

Overall, the scene has potential but could benefit from more attention to detail in the description, pacing, and dialogue.
Suggestions There are many ways to improve this scene, but the main one is to simplify the action. Currently, there are too many details that can confuse the audience and make the scene feel cluttered. Here are some suggestions to improve the flow and clarity:

1. Define the stakes: What's at stake in this scene? Is it the survival of the characters? Their relationship? Their mission? Make sure to define this clearly so that the audience can understand why they should care about what's happening.

2. Focus on the main conflict: The main conflict is between Jake and Quaritch, so make sure to keep this at the forefront of the scene. Cut back on some of the other action (e.g. Neytiri struggling to free herself) to make more room for this conflict.

3. Use concise language: Rather than using long and complex sentences, use short and simple sentences to convey the action. This will make the scene feel more immediate and easier to follow.

4. Use visual cues: Use visual cues to help the audience follow the action. For example, show the characters' movements in a wide shot so that the audience can see their positions relative to each other and the environment.

5. Show character emotions: Use close-ups to show the characters' emotions and reactions to the action. This will help the audience understand their motivations and make them more invested in the scene.

Here's an example of how the scene could be rewritten with these suggestions:

EXT. LAKE

Jake and Quaritch face off, their eyes locked in a battle of wills.

QUARITCH: How does it feel to betray your own race?

JAKE: Better than betraying yours.

Quaritch charges at Jake with his knife. Jake parries with a broken cannon, then strikes Quaritch with the end of the cannon. Quaritch stumbles back, giving Jake an opening.

JAKE: It's over, Quaritch.

QUARITCH: Nothing's over while I'm breathing.

Quaritch charges at Jake again, but this time Jake is ready. He sidesteps Quaritch and strikes him from behind with a hard blow to his back. Quaritch staggers and falls to the ground.

Jake looks up to see Neytiri standing over him, holding her bow.

NEYTIRI: Let's finish this.

Jake nods. They both draw their weapons and stand ready.

The end is in sight.



Scene 51 -  The Fall of Tsu'tey and the Departure of the Sky People
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 9
  • Dialogue: 8
EXT. RAINFOREST - DAY

MO’AT tends to the mortally wounded TSU’TEY as AVATAR JAKE
arrives with Neytiri. Mo’at has bound his wounds, but by her
expression, it is clear he cannot be saved.

Jake kneels and Tsu’tey opens his eyes. Through a haze of
pain, he recognizes Jake.

TSU’TEY
(Na’vi)
I See you, Jakesully.

JAKE
I See you, Tsu’tey te Rongloa Ateyitan.

TSU’TEY
Are the people safe?

JAKE
They’re safe.

Tsu’tey weakly clutches his severed queue.

TSU’TEY
I can never ride again, or bond with my
woman -- or hear the voice of Eywa. I can
not lead the People. You will lead them,
Jakesully.

JAKE
No. I’m not officer material.

TSU’TEY
It is decided. Now do the duty of
Olo’eyctan. Set my spirit free.

JAKE
I’m not killing you.

TSU’TEY
I am already dead.
149.



JAKE
No.

TSU’TEY
It is the way. And it is good. I will be
remembered --

Tsu’tey’s voice is weak, but thick with emotion.

TSU’TEY
-- I fought with Toruk Macto, we were
brothers -- and he was my last shadow.

TSU’TEY’S HAND clasps with Jake’s in a fierce grip. Jake
draws his knife.

TSU’TEY’S POV -- Jake leans forward, blocking the sun.
HIS SHADOW falls across Tsu’tey.

JAKE
(Na’vi)
Forgive me, my Brother. Go now to the
Mother Spirit.

By his movement, we know that he has ended Tsu’tey’s pain.
Jake’s eyes well with tears as he continues reciting the
prayer for the dead, and his Na’vi words carry over as we --
DISSOLVE TO:

EXT. HELL’S GATE -DAY

Na’vi ride direhorses among the abandoned machines of Hell’s
Gate.

Banshees roost on the roofs of the modules, and stingbats
flutter about, unimpeded. The SENTRY GUNS are silent, and
the GATES are open to the forest.

JAKE (V.O.)
A few chose to stay. Fewer were chosen.

Max, Norm, and a few of the avatars hold AR’s as the
personnel of Hell’s Gate file up the cargo ramp of the
remaining shuttle. The evicted humans are sullen and angry,
like POW’s.

JAKE and NEYTIRI stand together, watching the departure of
the Sky People.

PARKER SELFRIDGE shuffles up the ramp. His eyes -- the eyes
of a lost soul -- meet JAKE’S. He disappears into the ship.
CUT TO:
150.



EXT. SPACE

ISV VENTURE STAR hangs suspended against the dark side of
PANDORA. The ISV’s antimatter engines BLAZE to life and it
accelerates out of orbit.

What remains IN FRAME is a virgin, primeval world. Spanning
the black continents is a vast reticulated lace-work of
BIOLUMINESCENCE -- a ghostly WEB connecting all of Pandora.
CUT TO:

EXT. RAINFOREST - DAY

The sun’s rays shaft down through the layers of canopy.

JAKE (V.O.)
The forest will heal, and so will the
hearts of the People. New life keeps the
energy flowing, like the breath of the
world.

NEYTIRI, obviously pregnant, is bow-fishing in the shallows.
Children jump and squeal with laughter in the river.

JAKE (V.O.)
This is my last videolog.

INT. LINK ROOM

VIDEO IMAGE -- Jake sits in a chair, talking straight TO
CAMERA. He is thin, pale. He looks around the high tech room.

JAKE
The science guys will keep the lights on,
here. But I won’t miss this place.

EXT. WELL OF SOULS - NIGHT

THE WILLOWS glow softly. The entire Omaticaya clan is
gathered, seated in a prayer circle around the Mother Tree.

JAKE (V.O.)
I better wrap this up. There’s a funeral
tonight, and I don’t want to be late. It
was someone very close to me.

WIDE SHOT, moving in across the concentric rings of people,
all plugged-in and softly chanting. MOVING toward the
center, over the figure of Mo'at, to hover above --

NEYTIRI, kneeling beside two FIGURES on the dais --
151.



JAKE and his AVATAR lie head to head. Human Jake is wearing
an exomask. Both figures are still, hands folded, covered in
translucent silken shrouds of ROOT-CILIA.

CAMERA CLOSES IN as Neytiri removes the mask from Jake's
human face. She gently closes his dead eyes with her
fingertips. Then bends and kisses him.

MOVE INTO CU on AVATAR JAKE as Neytiri’s hand comes into
frame, stroking his cheek. TIGHTENING slowly to--

ECU JAKE’S EYES. Hold a beat, then --

They open.
CUT TO BLACK
Genres: ["Action","Sci-Fi"]

Summary Jake and Mo'at tend to Tsu'tey's wounds, but he cannot be saved. Tsu'tey appoints Jake as the new leader of the People before asking him to end his pain. The Na'vi launch a surprise attack on Hell's Gate while the remaining humans depart. The scene ends with a funeral for Jake's human self and his avatar body.
Strengths "Powerful emotional impact, strong character growth, and fulfilling resolution to the conflict."
Weaknesses "Limited tension or suspense in action scenes, some clunky dialogue."
Critique Overall, the scene is emotionally charged and well-crafted. The dialogue between Jake and Tsu'tey is poignant and effectively conveys both characters' emotions and beliefs. The use of Na'vi language adds authenticity and cultural depth to the scene.

One potential critique is that the scene relies heavily on dialogue to convey emotion and character development, rather than using visual storytelling and subtext. There could have been opportunities to show, rather than tell, the characters' emotions and struggles.

Additionally, the scene could benefit from more effective pacing and rhythm. The transition from Tsu'tey's death to the evacuation of Hell's Gate feels abrupt and could use more buildup or a smoother transition.

Overall, the scene effectively showcases the themes of sacrifice, duty, and redemption that are prevalent throughout the film.
Suggestions Suggestions for improvement:

- Consider adding more emotional depth to the scene with Tsu'tey's death. Perhaps exploring the relationships between Jake and Tsu'tey, or Tsu'tey and his people, could help create a stronger sense of loss and impact.
- Similarly, the scene with Jake's death and funeral could also benefit from more emotional investment. Jake is the protagonist of the story, and his death should feel like a significant loss. Showing more reactions and grieving from the other characters could help create this impact.
- Consider adding more visual description to the scene of the Omaticaya clan's prayer circle. What do the translucent silken shrouds of root-cilia look like? How are the people plugged in and chanting? More specific details can help enhance the imagery and mood of the scene.
- Finally, consider adding a bit more closure to the story. While it's clear that the forest and the Na'vi will continue to thrive, it might be nice to see how some of the other characters end up. What happens to Max and Norm, or to Dr. Augustine's research? Including a few small touches like this can help create a fuller sense of resolution and closure.