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Scene 1 -  The Rise and Fall of Elisabeth Sparkle
THE SUBSTANCE

Written by Coralie Fargeat
“EVERYTHING FLOWS, NOTHING REMAINS”
- HERACLITUS




“DON’T YOU KNOW PUMP IT UP
YOU’VE GOT TO PUMP IT UP”
- DANZEL
...sc


FADE IN ON A HIGH ANGLE TOP SHOT OF...

1 A RAW, UNCOOKED EGG LYING ON A FLAT SURFACE. 1

The round yolk stands proudly in the center of the
transparent and gelatinous egg white.

A syringe needle enters the frame and slowly approaches the
egg before planting itself in the middle of the yolk and very
slowly injects a fluorescent yellow product inside of it.

After a moment, the egg begins to shake and move as if
something were happening inside of it.

Little by little, a small growth begins to emerge on the side
of the yolk... which grows bigger... and bigger... until it
starts to form a second egg yolk which emerges out of the
side of the first one... before finally detaching itself to
become independent.

Both egg yolks now stand side by side.

The second yolk is rounder, shinier, fleshier.

In other words: more perfect.

Long beat on both egg yolks which stand side by side.

BLACK


The sounds of jackhammers, traffic jams, jigsaws, coming from
a construction site in the middle of the city...

We FADE IN on a STATIC TOP SHOT OF...

2 EXT. WALK OF FAME SIDEWALK - DAY 2

A SIDEWALK MADE UP OF LARGE GREY SLABS. Only one slab appears
to be missing like a big gaping hole right in the middle of
the pavement.

In the same static shot, WORKER’S HANDS appear within the
frame and start to carefully set in place thin sticks of
wood, nailing them to one another.

The linked sticks soon form a wooden frame shaped like a star
which stands out in the muddy hole of the pavement.

Little by little, the hands start to place various different
elements inside the star shaped frame: brass block letters
which begin to form a name: E…L…I…Z…A…B…E…T…H… S…P…A…R…K…L…E
Underneath, the small round crest containing the logo of a
camera appears.




THE SUBSTANCE - May 3rd 2022 - 2 -
...sc 2


A pink marble slab slides into the golden edges of the wooden
frame... sealing the pink star into the terrazzo pavement
which we now understand to be the famous HOLLYWOOD WALK OF
FAME.

Still in the same static shot with the star in the center of
the frame, workers’ hands come in and out making final
tweaks, then remove the plastic protective film. A broom
sweeps back and forth shining up the now finished star - in
the middle of which the golden inscription proudly stands:


ELISABETH SPARKLE


After a moment, still in the same shot, a buzz of excitement
from the crowd and camera flashes start to multiply as the
feet of a YOUNG WOMAN enter the bottom of the frame. Wearing
vertiginously high heels and with a conquering walk, she
poses for the cameras before kneeling down and placing her
hands underneath the star.

More flashes and voices trying to attract the attention of
the lucky lady: "Elisabeth!" "Over here Elisabeth!""Right
here Elisabeth!".

The flurry of feet around the high heels and the way they
move tells a story of their own: flattery, fawning,
happiness, recognition, ambition, success etc.

Then the young woman's feet and those of the crowd gradually
disappear one by one, just like the camera flashes, which
also grow rare and finally disappear, leaving the static
frame empty and silent, with only the star and its name:


ELISABETH SPARKLE


After a long beat on the star and still in the same shot, a
leaf flies across the screen, the wind brushing it past.

Then the feet of passersby which enter and exit the frame,
walking across the star in a pace that quickens as the days
go by and life carries on.

More and more feet enter and exit. A few marks and scratches
appear on the star, the concrete aging little by little as
time goes by, to the pace of more walking, more pedestrians,
tourists, alternating rain and sun, changing fashions,
pigeons landing on the ground, shopping carts being pulled
over it in an uninterrupted flow of everyday foot traffic.

Some feet occasionally stop to look down at Elisabeth's star,
then less and less, then almost none at all as we notice new
stars appearing at the corners of the frame, which start
drawing people’s attention away.



THE SUBSTANCE - May 3rd 2022 - 3 -
...sc 2


Finally, the white sneakers of a tourist wearing shorts that
walk lazily across the now worn and patinated star, clumsily
dropping a round burger bun, which falls on the ground,
smearing the star with a large ketchup stain.

The guy lowers his hand in a half-hearted attempt to clean up
the stain with a greasy piece of burger paper, then with the
big sole of his sneaker, thus leaving a large, disgusting red
trail across the star. The feet walk out of the frame,
helplessly, above all showing very little interest in
cleaning the whole thing up.

The star remains in the center, now aged and stained with the
red ketchup:


ELISABETH SPARKLE


Long beat over which we hear the aggressive and exhausting
cacophony of traffic then, little by little, music is heard
in the distance, stressed by the dynamic accents of a female
voice growing louder and clearer:

Keep moving! That’s great! YOU GOT IT!

Walk it back! Couple more! YOU GOT IT!

Again from the very top!


SMASH CUT TO:
Genres: ["Drama","Mystery"]

Summary The scene begins with a high-angle shot of a raw egg being injected with a fluorescent yellow substance, resulting in a second, perfect yolk. It then shifts to the Hollywood Walk of Fame, where a star for 'Elisabeth Sparkle' is unveiled amidst a crowd celebrating her fame. Over time, the star becomes neglected, trampled by pedestrians, and ultimately defaced by a tourist dropping a ketchup-stained burger bun on it. This transition from celebration to decay highlights the fleeting nature of fame, ending with the star aged and stained, symbolizing the passage of time.
Strengths
  • Effective use of symbolism
  • Powerful visual and auditory elements
  • Compelling exploration of themes
Weaknesses
  • Limited character development
  • Lack of direct conflict

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively sets up a contrast between the initial excitement and glamour of the Hollywood Walk of Fame and the eventual neglect and decay of a star, creating a poignant and thought-provoking atmosphere.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of exploring the fleeting nature of fame and the passage of time through the symbolism of a Hollywood star is compelling and thought-provoking.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene effectively conveys the theme of impermanence and the disillusionment that comes with fame, setting up intriguing questions about the nature of success and recognition.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh take on the theme of fame and the passage of time, with unique visual elements.


Character Development

Characters: 7.5

While the scene focuses more on the setting and symbolism of the Hollywood Walk of Fame, the brief glimpse of the young woman and the tourist adds a human element to the narrative.

Character Changes: 6

While there is not a significant character arc in this scene, the brief glimpse of the young woman and the tourist hints at the changing nature of fame and success.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to maintain her fame and success in the entertainment industry.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to navigate the challenges of fame and public attention.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 4

The conflict in the scene is more internal and thematic, focusing on the contrast between the initial excitement of fame and the eventual neglect and decay of the star.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene comes from the challenges of maintaining fame and dealing with public scrutiny.

High Stakes: 5

The stakes in the scene are more symbolic and thematic, focusing on the implications of fame and the passage of time rather than immediate danger or conflict.

Story Forward: 7

The scene sets up important themes and questions about fame and success, moving the story forward thematically rather than in terms of plot progression.

Unpredictability: 7

The scene is unpredictable in its depiction of the passage of time and the fading of fame.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict is between the superficiality of fame and the reality of everyday life.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene evokes a strong emotional response through its poignant portrayal of the passage of time and the disillusionment that comes with fame.

Dialogue: 7

The scene relies more on visual and auditory elements than dialogue, but the snippets of voices and exclamations add to the atmosphere and mood of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its visual imagery and the contrast between fame and reality.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively conveys the passage of time and the changing fortunes of the protagonist.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and follows the expected format for its genre.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a unique structure that blends visual description with character actions.


Critique
  • The opening shot of the raw egg is visually striking and serves as a metaphor for creation and transformation, which aligns well with the overarching themes of the screenplay. However, the connection between the egg and Elisabeth's journey could be made clearer to enhance thematic cohesion.
  • The transition from the egg to the Hollywood Walk of Fame is effective in juxtaposing the fragility of the egg with the permanence of the star. However, the scene could benefit from a more explicit emotional connection to Elisabeth's character, as the current focus on the star installation feels somewhat detached from her personal narrative.
  • The use of static shots throughout the scene creates a sense of time passing, which is effective. However, incorporating subtle movements or changes in the frame could enhance the visual storytelling and keep the audience engaged.
  • The description of the crowd's excitement and the eventual fading of attention towards the star is poignant, but it could be strengthened by including more sensory details or emotional reactions from the crowd to deepen the impact of Elisabeth's fleeting fame.
  • The final image of the ketchup-stained star is a powerful visual metaphor for the degradation of Elisabeth's career and public image. However, the transition to the next scene could be smoother; consider adding a more direct link between the star's deterioration and Elisabeth's impending struggles.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment where the camera lingers on Elisabeth's face during the star reveal, capturing her emotions to create a stronger connection between her and the audience.
  • Incorporate more dynamic camera movements or angles to enhance the visual storytelling and maintain viewer interest throughout the static shots.
  • Add a voiceover or internal monologue from Elisabeth during the star reveal to provide insight into her thoughts and feelings about fame, success, and the passage of time.
  • Include a moment where a passerby comments on the star, providing a contrasting perspective on fame and success that could enrich the narrative.
  • Ensure that the transition from the star to the aerobics class in the next scene is seamless, perhaps by using a sound bridge or visual motif that connects the two moments.



Scene 2 -  Behind the Sparkle
3 INT. TV STUDIO / SPARKLE YOUR LIFE SHOW - DAY 3

PAIRS OF FEET WITH FLUORESCENT DANCE LEGGINGS stomping the
floor.

A BLINDING WHITE LIGHT.

A small blinking red dot indicates that this is being filmed
and recorded.

We're inside a TV Studio, in the very middle of an aerobics
class.

Lights full on and flashy-colored aerobic outfits.

Fluorescent leotards.

Muscles tightening under each step.

Ultra forced smiles.

Super happy music broadcasting ready-made happiness.




THE SUBSTANCE - May 3rd 2022 - 4 -
...sc 3


In the foreground of this fluorescent group, high on
vitamins, ELISABETH SPARKLE, now close to fifty, leads the
class, with a wide, bright smile.

Her ultra-sculpted body strictly primed against the smallest
bit of flab or excess.

In the background, a large morning show title is visible:

SPARKLE YOUR LIFE
With Elisabeth


Keep moving! That’s great! You got it!

All the pairs of fluorescent leggings beat up and down in
rhythm like perfect soldiers and Elisabeth never stops
smiling as if her bright smile were etched to her jaw while
she motivates her audience with an energetic voice:

ELISABETH
I know it’s hard! Walk it back!
That’s great, couple more ladies!
Think about your bikini this
summer! You don’t want to look like
a giant jellyfish on the beach, do
you? So keep moving! Couple more...
we’re almost there... aaand...

The music ends on a final synchronized movement made by all
the dancers.

ELISABETH (CONT’D)
... give yourselves a hand! That
was a GREAT workout!

The troupe applauds while Elisabeth faces the camera with a
great big smile:

ELISABETH (CONT’D)
I’ll see you next week to work more
on the lateral abs, those are the
hardest to sculpt. In the
meantime... Take care of yourself!

She blows a kiss to the camera.

The cameras stop rolling, and the soundstage lights fade.

Elisabeth's smile fades instantly as she relaxes her body.

She's covered in sweat. Out of breath.

Really out of breath. She winces briefly as she massages her
knee.

An assistant brings her a towel and a bottle of water.


THE SUBSTANCE - May 3rd 2022 - 5 -
...sc 3


We follow her from behind...
Genres: ["Drama","Comedy"]

Summary In a lively TV studio, Elisabeth Sparkle leads an energetic aerobics class, motivating participants with cheerful phrases and a bright smile. However, once the cameras stop rolling, her facade crumbles, revealing her exhaustion and discomfort, highlighting the stark contrast between her on-screen persona and her true physical state. The scene captures the vibrant atmosphere of the class, but ends on a somber note as Elisabeth, visibly drained, receives a towel and water from an assistant.
Strengths
  • Effective contrast between public facade and private reality
  • Strong character development for Elisabeth Sparkle
  • Engaging dialogue and tone
Weaknesses
  • Lack of overt conflict
  • Limited exploration of external challenges

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively showcases the dual nature of Elisabeth Sparkle's character, providing insight into the contrast between her public persona and private reality. The energetic tone and motivational dialogue engage the audience, while the shift to exhaustion adds depth and complexity to the character.


Story Content

Concept: 8.5

The concept of juxtaposing Elisabeth Sparkle's public persona with her private reality is compelling and well-executed in the scene. The contrast between the facade she presents during the aerobics class and her true self behind the scenes adds complexity to the character and enhances the overall narrative.

Plot: 8

The plot is advanced through the scene by revealing the inner workings of Elisabeth Sparkle's character and the challenges she faces in maintaining her public image. The contrast between her facade and reality sets up potential conflicts and character development moving forward.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh perspective on the fitness industry, highlighting the contrast between public persona and private reality.


Character Development

Characters: 9

Elisabeth Sparkle is a well-developed character with depth and complexity, as shown through the contrast between her public persona and private reality. The scene effectively highlights her motivations, struggles, and vulnerabilities, engaging the audience and setting up potential character arcs.

Character Changes: 8

Elisabeth Sparkle undergoes a significant change in the scene, transitioning from the energetic, motivational persona she presents to the public to the exhausted, vulnerable reality behind the scenes. This change adds depth and complexity to the character, setting up potential growth and development.

Internal Goal: 8

Elisabeth's internal goal is to maintain her image of perfection and motivate her audience, reflecting her desire for success and validation.

External Goal: 7

Elisabeth's external goal is to host a successful aerobics class and TV show, reflecting her immediate challenge of engaging and motivating her audience.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

While there is not overt conflict in the scene, the internal conflict within Elisabeth Sparkle between her public persona and private reality adds depth and tension to the narrative. The scene sets up potential conflicts and challenges for the character moving forward.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene comes from the pressure to maintain a perfect image while dealing with physical exhaustion, creating a small obstacle for Elisabeth.

High Stakes: 6

While the stakes are not overtly high in the scene, the internal conflict within Elisabeth Sparkle and the potential challenges she faces in maintaining her public image set up higher stakes for future developments. The scene establishes the groundwork for potential conflicts and resolutions.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by revealing key aspects of Elisabeth Sparkle's character and setting up potential conflicts and challenges for her moving forward. The contrast between her public facade and private reality adds depth to the narrative and engages the audience.

Unpredictability: 6

The scene is somewhat predictable in its portrayal of the fitness industry and the pressure to maintain physical appearance.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict revolves around the societal pressure to maintain physical appearance and the reality of physical exertion and exhaustion.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene has a strong emotional impact, eliciting empathy and understanding for Elisabeth Sparkle as she navigates the challenges of maintaining her public image. The shift from high-energy motivation to vulnerability and exhaustion resonates with the audience, creating a connection to the character.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the energetic, motivational tone of the aerobics class, as well as the exhaustion and vulnerability of Elisabeth Sparkle behind the scenes. The dialogue enhances character development and sets the tone for future interactions.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its energetic atmosphere, dynamic dialogue, and the contrast between public performance and private reality.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and reveals the contrast between Elisabeth's public performance and private reality.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a TV show segment, with clear scene descriptions and character actions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a structured format for a TV show segment, with a clear beginning, middle, and end.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes the contrast between Elisabeth's on-screen persona and her off-screen reality. The vibrant, energetic atmosphere of the aerobics class juxtaposed with Elisabeth's exhaustion creates a compelling tension that highlights the theme of superficiality in fame.
  • The use of visual elements, such as the fluorescent dance leggings and the bright lighting, effectively conveys the artificiality of the TV studio environment. However, the description could benefit from more sensory details to immerse the audience further into the scene, such as the sounds of the music, the smell of sweat, or the feel of the studio lights.
  • Elisabeth's dialogue is motivational and aligns with her character as a fitness instructor, but it could be enhanced by incorporating more personal anecdotes or relatable comments that reveal her character's depth. This would help the audience connect with her beyond her role as a fitness guru.
  • The transition from the energetic workout to Elisabeth's moment of vulnerability is well-executed, but the shift could be made more impactful by emphasizing her physical discomfort and emotional state. For example, describing her internal thoughts or feelings as she realizes the facade she maintains could deepen the audience's empathy for her character.
  • The assistant's introduction is brief and lacks development. Giving the assistant a name or a small interaction with Elisabeth could add depth to the scene and provide a contrast to Elisabeth's isolation, emphasizing her loneliness despite being surrounded by people.
Suggestions
  • Incorporate more sensory details to enhance the atmosphere of the aerobics class, such as the sounds of the music, the energy of the participants, and the physical sensations Elisabeth experiences.
  • Consider adding a line or two of personal reflection from Elisabeth during the workout, which could reveal her insecurities or thoughts about aging and her career, making her more relatable to the audience.
  • Expand on the assistant's role by giving them a name and a brief interaction with Elisabeth, which could highlight Elisabeth's isolation and the contrast between her public persona and private struggles.
  • Strengthen the emotional transition by including Elisabeth's internal thoughts or feelings as the cameras stop rolling, allowing the audience to witness her vulnerability and the weight of her facade more clearly.
  • Explore the use of visual metaphors or symbols that represent Elisabeth's internal conflict, such as a close-up of her sweating or a reflection in a mirror that shows her true self versus her public image.



Scene 3 -  Reflections of Reality
4 INT. BACKSTAGE HALLWAY - DAY 4

...as she walks down the long backstage corridor of the tv
station with an energetic stride.

EVERYONE she meets or bumps into wishes her a "Happy
Birthday" with a broad smile. Elisabeth smiles back and
cheerfully thanks them.

Walking down the corridor she passes by dozens of framed
posters displaying her smiling face and shapely body from
every season of the show:

SPARKLE YOUR LIFE

On the successive posters, Elisabeth displays the exact same
bright smile but the colors and looks change as her physical
appearance alters over time, the hairstyles becoming less and
less frizzed and her face more and more photoshopped.

Elisabeth walks to the ladies room at the end of the corridor
but it turns out to be closed for cleaning. She glances round
to check she’s alone and finally... walks into the men's room
next door.

5 TV STUDIO - MEN’S ROOM 5

Nobody inside.

She leans over the sink, splashes water over her face, making
the most of the moment to refresh herself after the physical
effort.

She then enters one of the toilet stalls.

Static shot of the row of sinks in the empty men’s room.

The neons cast a perfectly white and unchanging light.

Long, silent beat.

Soon to be broken by the sudden, loud arrival of A STOUT
MIDDLE-AGED MAN, his ear glued to a cellphone, face red with
anger:

MAN
I don’t care if we have to see
EVERY FUCKING YOUNG GIRL in town in
the next couple of weeks. We need
her YOUNG. We need her HOT. And we
need her NOW.




THE SUBSTANCE - May 3rd 2022 - 6 -
...sc 5


This is HARVEY, the TV network director. Mid-50s, large belly
and wearing a loose suit, he comes to stand right in front of
the camera under which we guess is an out of frame urinal.
His phone wedged between his ear and shoulder he continues
his logorrhoea while unbuttoning his pants to take a piss:

HARVEY
I mean, how the old bitch has
managed to stay this long in the
first place is a fucking mystery!
(the person at the other
end of the line tries to
say something but is
immediately cut off)
Oscar winner my ass! When was that?
Back in the 30s for KING KONG?!
(he"shakes" himself off)
I don’t give a fuck what we
promised her! This is TV, not a
charity! So find me somebody NEW.
NOW.

He flushes the urinal and closes his fly.

HARVEY (CONT’D)
Did you know that women’s fertility
starts to decrease from the age of
25?

He leaves without washing his hands....

HARVEY (CONT’D)
Yeah I know...(he chuckles)...How
old is Elisa?

His voice drifts away as the bathroom door slowly closes with
the automatic closing system.

HARVEY (CONT’D)
....Ha ha so hurry up!

His laughter trailing off in the distance until the room is
completely silent again.

A beat on the empty room.

The white sinks.

The neon lights casting the unchanging light.

Then, the sound of a toilet flushing.

The door to one of the stalls finally opens slowly and
Elisabeth walks out.

She remains still for a moment in the middle of the
immaculate room, her reflection infinitely repeating in the
mirrors in front and behind her.


THE SUBSTANCE - May 3rd 2022 - 7 -
...sc 5


Her fluorescent leggings now seem ridiculously out of place.

She walks very calmly towards a sink, washes her hands slowly
and knowingly, her eyes focused on the water flowing out of
the tap... then she stops the water in one swift gesture.

She looks up slowly...

A beat, alone, facing her reflection in the mirror...


ELISABETH
The noise of plates and glasses that progressively grows
louder...

FADE IN:
Genres: ["Drama","Satire"]

Summary On her birthday, Elisabeth navigates the backstage of a TV station, receiving well-wishes while confronting the harsh reality of aging in the industry. After finding the ladies' room closed, she enters the men's room, where she overhears Harvey, the network director, disparaging her age and discussing the need for a younger replacement. As she washes her hands and faces her reflection, the celebratory atmosphere contrasts with the somber realization of her precarious position in a youth-obsessed industry.
Strengths
  • Sharp dialogue
  • Visual contrasts
  • Character depth
Weaknesses
  • Pacing issues
  • Lack of external conflict

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys a critical commentary on societal expectations and the entertainment industry, using sharp dialogue and visual contrasts. The execution is strong, but there is room for improvement in pacing and character development.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of exploring the contrast between public image and private struggles in the entertainment industry is compelling and thought-provoking. The scene effectively conveys the harsh realities faced by women in the spotlight.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene focuses on character development and thematic exploration rather than traditional narrative progression. It effectively sets up conflicts and challenges faced by the protagonist.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh perspective on the entertainment industry, shedding light on the challenges faced by women in a male-dominated environment. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds depth and realism to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters are well-developed, with the protagonist facing internal and external conflicts that drive the scene forward. The dialogue and actions reveal their motivations and struggles.

Character Changes: 8

The protagonist undergoes a subtle but significant change in the scene, moving from a facade of confidence to a moment of introspection and realization. This change sets up further character development.

Internal Goal: 8

Elisabeth's internal goal in this scene is to confront the harsh reality of ageism and sexism in the industry and come to terms with her own self-worth beyond physical appearance.

External Goal: 7.5

Elisabeth's external goal is to navigate the challenges of the industry and maintain her position despite the pressure to conform to unrealistic standards of beauty and youth.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict in the scene is primarily internal, focusing on the protagonist's struggle with societal expectations and the pressures of the entertainment industry. The tension is subtle but impactful.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Elisabeth facing external pressures and societal expectations that challenge her beliefs and values. The audience is left uncertain about the outcome, adding depth to the conflict.

High Stakes: 6

The stakes in the scene are primarily internal, focusing on the protagonist's personal and professional challenges. While not high in traditional action-driven terms, the emotional and thematic stakes are significant.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by deepening the audience's understanding of the protagonist's struggles and setting up future conflicts and challenges. It adds layers to the narrative and character arcs.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable in its portrayal of the TV industry's harsh realities and Elisabeth's unexpected actions, keeping the audience on edge and invested in the outcome.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the clash between societal expectations of women in the entertainment industry and the protagonist's personal values of self-acceptance and empowerment.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene has a moderate emotional impact, eliciting empathy for the protagonist's struggles and highlighting the harsh realities of the entertainment industry. The contrast between public image and private struggles adds depth to the emotional resonance.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is sharp and impactful, revealing the true nature of the characters and the harsh realities of the entertainment industry. It effectively conveys the themes of ageism and objectification.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its compelling dialogue, dynamic character interactions, and underlying tension. The audience is drawn into Elisabeth's internal struggle and the societal conflicts she faces.

Pacing: 8.5

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, creating a sense of urgency and emotional impact. The rhythm of the dialogue and actions enhances the scene's effectiveness.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and concise, adhering to industry standards and enhancing readability for the reader.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a well-paced structure, effectively building tension and revealing character dynamics. The formatting aligns with the genre expectations, enhancing the overall impact of the scene.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes the contrast between Elisabeth's public persona and the harsh realities of her situation. The cheerful birthday wishes juxtaposed with Harvey's derogatory comments about her age create a strong emotional tension that highlights the theme of aging in the entertainment industry.
  • The use of visual elements, such as the posters showcasing Elisabeth's changing appearance over the years, serves as a poignant metaphor for the fleeting nature of beauty and fame. This visual storytelling is compelling and adds depth to the narrative.
  • Harvey's dialogue is impactful and reveals his character's ruthless attitude towards aging and the entertainment industry. However, the scene could benefit from a more nuanced portrayal of his character to avoid making him a one-dimensional antagonist. Adding layers to his motivations could enhance the conflict.
  • The transition from the vibrant atmosphere of the birthday wishes to the sterile environment of the men's room is effective in creating a sense of isolation for Elisabeth. However, the pacing could be improved by adding more internal conflict or emotional reflection from Elisabeth as she processes the harsh words she overhears.
  • The ending of the scene, where Elisabeth faces her reflection, is powerful but could be strengthened by incorporating more of her internal thoughts or feelings. This would allow the audience to connect more deeply with her emotional state and the impact of Harvey's words.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment of Elisabeth's internal monologue or reaction after overhearing Harvey's conversation. This could provide insight into her emotional turmoil and enhance the audience's empathy for her character.
  • Explore the possibility of giving Harvey a moment of vulnerability or doubt, which could add complexity to his character and make the conflict more engaging. Perhaps he could express a fleeting moment of nostalgia for Elisabeth's earlier success before reverting to his harsh demeanor.
  • Enhance the visual storytelling by incorporating more symbolic elements in the men's room, such as graffiti or other signs of neglect, to further emphasize the contrast between Elisabeth's glamorous past and her current reality.
  • Consider varying the pacing of the scene by interspersing quicker cuts between Elisabeth's interactions with colleagues and the slower, more reflective moments in the men's room. This could create a more dynamic rhythm and heighten the emotional impact.
  • In the final moment where Elisabeth looks at her reflection, consider adding a physical gesture that conveys her emotional state, such as a subtle tremor in her hands or a moment of hesitation before she washes her hands. This could add a layer of vulnerability to her character.



Scene 4 -  Isolation in a Monologue
6 INT. RESTAURANT - DAY 6

Greasy fingers that rip the head off of a shrimp: SHLACK!

The thick sweaty nape of a man’s neck, on which a fly
sporadically lands. A pudgy hand tries to flick it away.

It’s Harvey’s hand. Facing camera, he is in the midst of
another logorrheic monologue as he peels and shells the juicy
shrimp before stuffing them into his mouth...slurp...in
between two words...

HARVEY
...but it’s like when you’ve got
someone farting on screen...
slurp... People LOVE that! I’d
rather talk about RENOIR or GAUGUIN
but slurp... that’s how it is.
C’est la vie... People are just...
people. And I have to give people
what they want. slurp... That’s
what keeps the shareholders happy.
slurp... And let me tell you
something: people always ask for
something NEW. slurp... RENEWAL is
inevitable. It's nature’s way. You
either RENEW or you disappear.

"RENEW" seems to explode out of his mouth in a splutter of
shrimp.

He stares at a young waitress’ ass, which seems to RENEW his
appetite.

HARVEY (CONT’D)
At 50, it stops. And that's not me
saying so. That's biology.



THE SUBSTANCE - May 3rd 2022 - 8 -
...sc 6


We finally discover Elisabeth, facing him.

ELISABETH
What stops?

A beat.

HARVEY
What?

ELISABETH
What stops?

HARVEY
...? The... you know the... the...

Suddenly really uncomfortable, he makes a circular gesture
with his hand...

Then he brushes it all aside with a sweeping gesture.

HARVEY (CONT’D)
Anyway! Lots of wonderful things
await you afterwards, you'll
finally have time to enjoy your
private life. Kids, they put a big
smile on your face and you forget
about everything else!

ELISABETH
I don’t have kids.

A tiny, empty beat in Harvey's dull eyes.

He jumps to his feet grabbing his phone, looking terribly
busy, and calls out to a MAN (60) at the back of the room.

HARVEY
GEORGE!
(to Elisabeth)
I've gotta run.

He walks away, hitting on the young waitress as he passes her
by and opening his arms towards a man in his sixties at the
back of the room, grandiloquent:

HARVEY (CONT’D)
GEORGE!! These ratings are insane!
You’re a fucking genius!

Elisabeth is left alone sitting at the table.

Inside the wine glass, which she's barely touched, the fly is
drowning. It's wriggling all around desperately fighting to
escape this sweet, liquid trap...




THE SUBSTANCE - May 3rd 2022 - 9 -
...sc 6


Elisabeth stares at the fly, which twitches as if having an
epileptic fit, its movements growing slower... and slower...
until finally it is completely immobilized.

Dead and disgusting.

DISSOLVE TO:

7 OMITTED 7
Genres: ["Drama","Satire"]

Summary In a bustling restaurant, Harvey delivers a self-absorbed monologue about entertainment and aging while eating shrimp, leading to an awkward exchange with Elisabeth. As she questions his crude observations, he evades her and shifts focus to a man named George, leaving her feeling isolated. The scene culminates with a close-up of a fly drowning in Elisabeth's wine glass, symbolizing her disgust and entrapment.
Strengths
  • Sharp dialogue
  • Complex characters
  • Emotional depth
Weaknesses
  • Slightly predictable confrontation

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys the harsh reality of the entertainment industry while providing insight into Elisabeth's internal conflict and the challenges she faces. The dialogue is sharp and revealing, adding depth to the characters and themes.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of exploring the contrast between external success and internal struggles is compelling and thought-provoking. The scene effectively delves into complex themes with nuance and depth.

Plot: 8

The plot progression in the scene focuses on character dynamics and thematic development rather than action. It advances the narrative by revealing key aspects of Elisabeth's character and the challenges she faces.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces fresh elements such as the use of shrimp as a metaphor for renewal and the drowning fly symbolizing stagnation. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and layered.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed and multi-dimensional, especially Elisabeth and Harvey. Their interactions reveal layers of complexity and add depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 8

Elisabeth undergoes a subtle but significant change in the scene, confronting Harvey and asserting herself in the face of ageism and discrimination. This moment marks a turning point in her character arc.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to maintain his facade of success and importance while hiding his discomfort and insecurities. This reflects his deeper need for validation and fear of being exposed as a fraud.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to impress George and maintain his image of success in front of Elisabeth. This reflects the immediate challenge of balancing his personal and professional life.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict between Elisabeth and Harvey is palpable, reflecting the larger themes of ageism and the pressure to stay relevant in the entertainment industry. It adds tension and drama to the scene.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Elisabeth challenging Harvey's beliefs and forcing him to confront his insecurities.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high for Elisabeth, as she grapples with the threat of being replaced due to her age. The scene highlights the personal and professional challenges she faces, adding tension and urgency.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by deepening the conflict between Elisabeth and Harvey and revealing key aspects of Elisabeth's character. It sets the stage for further developments in the narrative.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected interactions between the characters and the dark turn of events with the drowning fly.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict is evident in Harvey's superficiality and focus on external validation versus Elisabeth's more grounded and authentic approach to life. This challenges Harvey's beliefs about success and happiness.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from discomfort to empathy, as it delves into the personal struggles of the characters. The emotional depth adds resonance to the themes explored.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is sharp, witty, and revealing, effectively conveying the characters' emotions and motivations. It adds depth to the scene and enhances the conflict between Elisabeth and Harvey.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its dark humor, sharp dialogue, and the tension between the characters. The dynamic between Harvey and Elisabeth keeps the audience invested.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and highlighting the contrast between Harvey's facade and Elisabeth's authenticity.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a traditional structure with clear character motivations and development. The pacing and rhythm contribute to its effectiveness.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes Harvey's character through his gluttonous behavior and dismissive attitude towards deeper topics, which aligns with the theme of superficiality in the entertainment industry. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtext; while Harvey's monologue is colorful, it lacks a deeper connection to Elisabeth's plight, making it feel somewhat disconnected from her character's emotional journey.
  • Elisabeth's entrance is impactful, but her interaction with Harvey feels rushed. The dialogue exchange could be expanded to allow for a more nuanced confrontation. This would enhance the tension and highlight the power dynamics at play, as Elisabeth is clearly uncomfortable with Harvey's comments about aging and renewal.
  • The imagery of the fly drowning in the wine glass serves as a strong metaphor for Elisabeth's feelings of entrapment and disgust. However, the transition from the dialogue to this visual could be smoother. The scene might benefit from a more gradual build-up to this moment, allowing the audience to feel Elisabeth's emotional state more acutely before the fly's demise.
  • The abrupt shift in focus from Elisabeth to Harvey's interaction with George feels jarring. This could be improved by incorporating Elisabeth's internal thoughts or reactions during Harvey's monologue, which would help maintain her presence in the scene and deepen the audience's connection to her character.
  • The scene ends on a powerful note with the fly's death, but it could be enhanced by a brief moment of reflection from Elisabeth before the dissolve. This would allow the audience to linger on her feelings of isolation and despair, reinforcing the emotional weight of the moment.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more layers to Harvey's dialogue to create subtext that reflects Elisabeth's struggles. This could involve him making veiled comments about aging that resonate with her situation.
  • Expand the dialogue between Elisabeth and Harvey to allow for a more meaningful exchange. This could involve Elisabeth pushing back against his comments, showcasing her frustration and vulnerability.
  • Smooth the transition to the fly drowning by incorporating Elisabeth's internal monologue or visual cues that reflect her emotional state leading up to that moment.
  • Maintain Elisabeth's presence throughout the scene by including her reactions to Harvey's comments, which would help the audience stay connected to her character.
  • Add a moment of silence or reflection for Elisabeth after Harvey leaves, allowing her to process the conversation and reinforcing the scene's emotional impact before transitioning to the next scene.



Scene 5 -  Contract Termination
8 INT. CRAIG SILVER MANAGEMENT OFFICE - DAY 8

A huge picture of Elisabeth with an ultra bright smile,
praising the merits of a whitening toothpaste:

WITH TOOTHBRITE (check clearance)
YOU GOT IT!

The smile is swallowed up as a hand closes the magazine
containing the ad.

CRAIG
TOOTHBRITE is ending your
ambassador’s contract.

CRAIG SILVER, 40, sits behind a big desk, facing Elisabeth.

ELISABETH
But we just renewed it a month ago!

CRAIG
I know. But they are within their
right to do so considering the
“significant change in your public
notoriety” with the end of your
show...

Elisabeth, speechless, her eyes glistening with the tears she
is trying to hold back.

ELISABETH
So what’s our next move? Maybe a
reality show? Or I was thinking
even a cooking show...or why not
a...

She stops when she sees Craig, visibly ill at ease, wiggling
about in his seat.

CRAIG
Listen... I know this is not the
best moment to tell you this but...
we are forced to cut back on the
number of clients we represent at
the agency and...



THE SUBSTANCE - May 3rd 2022 - 10 -
...sc 8


...

ELISABETH
“We”? Who is “we”?

CRAIG
Well you know... CRAIG SILVER
MANAGEMENT.

ELISABETH
Sorry what’s your name again?

CRAIG
What?

ELISABETH
What’s your name?

CRAIG
C’mon...Lizzie

ELISABETH
What’s your fucking name?

CRAIG
Craig Silver-

A beat on his contrite face. We hear the door slam violently
Genres: ["Drama","Comedy"]

Summary In a tense meeting at Craig Silver's management office, Craig informs Elisabeth that her contract with Toothbrite is being terminated due to her declining public notoriety. Shocked and frustrated, Elisabeth suggests new career opportunities, but Craig reveals the agency's cutbacks, leading to a confrontational exchange where Elisabeth questions his authority and identity. The scene ends with her anger boiling over, culminating in a door slamming as she rejects the situation.
Strengths
  • Strong dialogue
  • Emotional depth
  • Tension building
Weaknesses
  • Abrupt ending
  • Lack of resolution

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys tension, emotion, and conflict, keeping the audience engaged and surprised by the sudden contract termination. The dialogue and character interactions are well-executed, creating a compelling narrative.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring the challenges faced by aging entertainers in a cutthroat industry is compelling and relevant. The scene effectively conveys the theme of change and adaptation in the face of adversity.

Plot: 8.5

The plot progresses significantly with the contract cut revelation, setting up a major conflict for Elisabeth to overcome. The scene moves the story forward by introducing a new obstacle for the protagonist to navigate.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh approach to the theme of professional relationships and power dynamics in the entertainment industry. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters of Elisabeth and Craig are well-developed, with their conflicting motivations and emotions driving the scene forward. The dialogue and interactions between the characters reveal their personalities and relationships effectively.

Character Changes: 8

Elisabeth undergoes a significant change in the scene, transitioning from shock and disbelief to a more determined and resilient mindset. The contract cut forces her to confront the harsh realities of her industry and adapt to new challenges.

Internal Goal: 8

Elisabeth's internal goal is to maintain her professional image and secure her career despite the setbacks she is facing. This reflects her deeper need for validation and success in the entertainment industry.

External Goal: 9

Elisabeth's external goal is to find a solution to the termination of her contract with Toothbrite and navigate the challenges of her career in the entertainment industry.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between Elisabeth and Craig reaches a high level of tension and confrontation, adding drama and emotional depth to the scene. The power struggle and conflicting interests create a compelling dynamic between the characters.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Elisabeth facing challenges in her career and questioning Craig's authority.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in the scene, as Elisabeth faces the loss of her ambassador contract and the need to adapt to a changing industry. The contract cut threatens her career and livelihood, adding urgency and tension to the narrative.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by introducing a major obstacle for Elisabeth to overcome, setting up future conflicts and character development. The contract cut revelation propels the narrative in a new direction, creating suspense and intrigue.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected turn of events and the characters' emotional reactions.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is the clash between personal identity and professional success. Elisabeth's questioning of Craig's authority and her demand for respect challenge the traditional power dynamics in the entertainment industry.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene has a strong emotional impact, eliciting feelings of surprise, empathy, and tension from the audience. Elisabeth's emotional turmoil and Craig's cold delivery of the contract cut add depth and resonance to the narrative.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is sharp, confrontational, and emotionally charged, adding depth to the scene and highlighting the power dynamics between Elisabeth and Craig. The exchanges between the characters drive the narrative and reveal their inner thoughts and feelings.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the emotional intensity, sharp dialogue, and power dynamics between the characters.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and maintains the audience's interest through the characters' emotional interactions.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of the scene is clear and concise, following the standard format for a dialogue-heavy office scene.

Structure: 9

The scene follows the expected structure for a dialogue-driven office setting in a screenplay, effectively building tension and conflict.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the emotional turmoil of Elisabeth as she faces the harsh reality of her declining career. The contrast between her previous success and the current news of her contract termination is palpable, creating a strong sense of tension.
  • Craig's character is established as somewhat dismissive and uncomfortable, which adds to the tension. However, his dialogue could be more nuanced to reflect the complexity of the situation. Instead of simply stating the facts, he could express some empathy towards Elisabeth, which would make the scene feel more layered.
  • Elisabeth's emotional response is well portrayed, particularly her struggle to maintain composure. However, the transition from her initial shock to her confrontational stance could be more gradual. This would enhance the believability of her emotional arc in the scene.
  • The dialogue is sharp and confrontational, particularly in the exchange about names. This moment serves as a powerful climax in the scene, showcasing Elisabeth's desperation and frustration. However, it might benefit from a bit more buildup to make the confrontation feel more earned.
  • The visual element of the magazine ad at the beginning is a strong choice, symbolizing Elisabeth's past success. However, it could be more explicitly tied to her emotional state throughout the scene. For instance, a brief moment where she reflects on the ad could deepen the audience's understanding of her loss.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment where Elisabeth reflects on her past success before the confrontation with Craig. This could help to establish a stronger emotional foundation for her reaction to the contract termination.
  • Enhance Craig's character by giving him a line or two that shows he understands the gravity of the situation. This could create a more complex dynamic between him and Elisabeth, making the scene feel more realistic.
  • Make Elisabeth's transition from shock to anger more gradual. Perhaps include a moment of silence or a physical reaction (like a deep breath) before she confronts Craig about his name.
  • Explore the use of subtext in the dialogue. For example, instead of having Craig state the obvious about the contract, he could hint at the pressures he faces, which would add depth to his character and the situation.
  • Consider ending the scene with a more poignant visual or auditory cue that reflects Elisabeth's emotional state, such as the sound of the magazine being closed or a lingering shot of her face as she processes the news.



Scene 6 -  After the Crash
9 EXT. AVENUE - DAY 9

Elisabeth is at the wheel of her car.

We can almost hear the billion thoughts firing through her
mind, knocking back and forth.

She's speeding along a road lined with palm trees.

The noise of the traffic seems to be getting louder and
louder.

She drives past a big billboard flaunting her photo:

WITH TOOTHBRITE

YOU GOT IT!
She turns her head, trying to see the new billboard that two
workers are putting up in her plac-

WHAM!!! A car hurtles right out of a crossroad and
SMASHES straight into her car. The window explode as the car
spins violently, tires screeching against the asphalt.




THE SUBSTANCE - May 3rd 2022 - 11 -
...sc 10

10 INT. HOSPITAL ROOM - DAY 10

Elisabeth is in the ER.

She's sitting on the side of a bed wearing a disposable paper
hospital gown tied up in the back, with her legs dangling in
front of her. A slew of x-rays are on a backlit x-ray viewer.

A DOCTOR comes in accompanied by a YOUNG MALE NURSE.

DOCTOR
Well it’s your lucky day Ms.
Sparkle! We’ve X-rayed you from
head to toe and there’s not even as
much as a cracked molar. So you’re
good to go!

The young male nurse hands him a file. The nurse is wearing a
surgical mask that only allows us to see his piercing eyes of
an extreme azure blue.

He appears to be stunningly handsome.

Elisabeth is in her own distant and muted bubble while the
doctor goes over her file, checking everything for the last
time and signing off on the paperwork.

DOCTOR (CONT’D)
...vaccinations...ok... not
currently on any medication... By
the way my wife is a huge fan...
blood type... date of birth... oh,
it’s your birthday happy birthd-

He doesn’t have time to finish– Elisabeth bursts into tears.

Long beat on Elisabeth, hunched over and shaken by hiccups as
she sobs.

ELISABETH
(muttering to herself)
It’s over...

The doctor looks at her, uncomfortable.

ELISABETH (CONT’D)
It’s all over...

A long awkward beat.

Beep beep - the doctor glances at his beeper clipped to his
belt.

DOCTOR
(relieved for the excuse
to get away)
An emergency, I have to run.
Have a good... euh ...bye.


THE SUBSTANCE - May 3rd 2022 - 12 -
...sc 10


He leaves. Elisabeth remains sitting on the examination
table.

After a long moment, she wipes the tears from her face and is
about to stand u-

MALE NURSE (O.S.)
One moment.

She turns around, surprised to see that the nurse is still
there. His striking, piercing blue eyes looking out from
behind his mask.

MALE NURSE (CONT’D)
There’s just one last exam to
perform.

ELISABETH
Oh? Didn’t he say I was good to g-

He separates the open flaps of her paper hospital gown and
places his stethoscope on her back.

While he moves the stethoscope around her back, we notice
that he has a small strawberry birthmark on his forearm.

We hear noises coming from inside her body, amplified by the
instrument: Boom boom... boom boom...boom boom....

His hands start to palpate along her backbone, the fingers of
his latex gloves following the length of the prominent
vertebrae, stopping and palpating each vertebra with great
attention, as if his probing fingers were measuring the
resistance of her spinal column.

Elisabeth is taken aback by this unusual exam...

ELISABETH (CONT’D)
Is there a problem...?

MALE NURSE
(still focusing on her
spine)
No it’s perfect, you’re a good
candidate.
(catching himself)
I’m mean, you’re good to go.

He goes to the coat rack to take her coa- the coat rack sways
and falls to the floor. Oops, sorry let me get that... he
rummages among the coats and finally picks up her yellow coat
which he places on her lap.

MALE NURSE (CONT’D)
Have a good day. I wish you the
best.

He leaves and Elisabeth is left there, in silence.


THE SUBSTANCE - May 3rd 2022 - 13 -
...sc 10


Confused by what just happened.

Just the noise of the swinging doors Thump-clomp, thump-
clomp, which finally come to a stop.
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary Elisabeth, lost in thought while driving, is suddenly involved in a car accident that leaves her shaken. At the hospital, a doctor informs her she has no serious injuries, but she breaks down emotionally, feeling as if her life is over. A handsome male nurse conducts a final examination, showing a mix of professionalism and personal interest, before leaving her alone in the room, deepening her confusion and vulnerability.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Suspenseful elements
  • Character development
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue could be more impactful
  • The male nurse character could be further developed

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene is well-crafted with a mix of intense emotions, unexpected events, and a mysterious character, keeping the audience engaged and intrigued.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of shattered dreams and unexpected turns in life is effectively portrayed through the car accident and the subsequent hospital scene.

Plot: 8.5

The plot advances significantly with the car accident and the revelation of the main character's emotional state, setting up future developments.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a familiar scenario of a car accident and hospital visit but adds depth through Elisabeth's emotional journey and the enigmatic male nurse character. The dialogue and character interactions feel authentic and engaging.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-developed, especially the main character who undergoes a significant emotional transformation in the scene.

Character Changes: 9

The main character undergoes a significant emotional change, moving from shock and confusion to a deeper realization of her situation.

Internal Goal: 8

Elisabeth's internal goal in this scene is to come to terms with the emotional impact of the car accident and her mortality. Her breakdown and muttering 'It's over' indicate a sense of loss or realization of her vulnerability.

External Goal: 7

Elisabeth's external goal is to receive medical clearance and be discharged from the hospital after the car accident. This goal reflects her immediate need for physical safety and reassurance.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8.5

The conflict is high due to the car accident, the emotional breakdown of the main character, and the mysterious behavior of the male nurse.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Elisabeth facing emotional turmoil and uncertainty about her future. The male nurse's enigmatic behavior adds a layer of mystery and tension to the scene.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high with the main character facing unexpected obstacles and emotional turmoil that could impact her future.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by introducing new challenges and emotional depth to the main character's journey.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected emotional outburst from Elisabeth and the mysterious behavior of the male nurse. The shifting dynamics and unresolved tension create intrigue and suspense.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

There is a philosophical conflict between Elisabeth's emotional turmoil and the doctor's detached professionalism. The doctor's focus on medical procedures contrasts with Elisabeth's existential crisis, highlighting the clash between clinical objectivity and personal vulnerability.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact on the audience, eliciting feelings of sadness, shock, and empathy for the main character.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue effectively conveys the emotions and tensions between the characters, adding depth to the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its blend of action, emotion, and mystery surrounding the male nurse character. The tension and emotional stakes keep the audience invested in Elisabeth's journey.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is well-balanced, with a gradual buildup of tension, emotional beats, and moments of reflection. The rhythm of the dialogue and action sequences enhances the scene's effectiveness.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene's formatting adheres to standard screenplay conventions, with clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting. The visual descriptions and action lines are concise and effective.

Structure: 9

The scene follows a clear structure with a buildup of tension, emotional climax, and resolution. The pacing and transitions between locations are well-executed, enhancing the scene's impact.


Critique
  • The scene effectively transitions from the chaos of the car accident to the hospital, showcasing Elisabeth's emotional state. However, the abruptness of the car crash could benefit from more build-up to heighten the tension. Consider adding more sensory details or internal monologue to reflect Elisabeth's thoughts as she drives, which would create a stronger emotional connection with the audience.
  • Elisabeth's breakdown in the hospital is a poignant moment, but it feels somewhat rushed. The dialogue from the doctor is light-hearted and contrasts sharply with Elisabeth's emotional turmoil. This juxtaposition could be enhanced by allowing the doctor to express more empathy or concern, which would make Elisabeth's reaction feel more justified and impactful.
  • The introduction of the male nurse is intriguing, but his character could be fleshed out further. While his piercing blue eyes are described, consider adding more physical details or mannerisms that make him memorable. This would help to establish a more significant connection between him and Elisabeth, especially during the intimate examination.
  • The dialogue in the scene is functional but lacks depth. Elisabeth's muttering about it being 'over' is a powerful line, but it could be expanded to include more of her internal struggle. This would provide a clearer insight into her mental state and enhance the emotional weight of the scene.
  • The ending of the scene leaves Elisabeth in a state of confusion, which is effective, but it could be more impactful if it included a visual or auditory cue that symbolizes her emotional state. For example, the sound of the swinging doors could be contrasted with a heartbeat sound to emphasize her anxiety and disorientation.
Suggestions
  • Add more internal monologue or sensory details during the car ride to build tension before the crash. This could include Elisabeth's thoughts about her career or her feelings about the accident.
  • Consider revising the doctor's dialogue to include more empathy towards Elisabeth, which would create a stronger emotional contrast when she breaks down.
  • Flesh out the male nurse's character by adding unique physical traits or mannerisms that make him stand out and create a more memorable interaction with Elisabeth.
  • Expand Elisabeth's dialogue when she mutters about it being 'over' to provide more insight into her emotional turmoil and internal conflict.
  • Incorporate a visual or auditory cue at the end of the scene that symbolizes Elisabeth's confusion and emotional state, such as a heartbeat sound or a close-up of her distressed expression.



Scene 7 -  Awkward Reunion
11 EXT. HOSPITAL. - DAY 11

Elisabeth walks out of the hospital. A beat to breathe in the
fresh air.

An ear-splitting chorus of car horns and traffic.

She puts her hands in her coat pockets as if to comfort
herself.

She frowns, feeling something inside her pocket.

She takes her hand out, holding... a folded paper packet with
something inside. She unfolds it and finds a USB stick, which
she is manifestly discovering for the very first time.

Written down on the back of the stick:

THE SUBSTANCE

Scribbled on the crumpled piece of paper: “It changed my
life.”

She takes a moment to look at the USB stick amidst the racket
caused by the traffic...

MAN’S VOICE (O.S.)
...Lizzie??... Lizzie Sparkle??

She looks up: A RATHER UNPREPOSSESSING-LOOKING MAN in his
fifties, with just a crown of hair left on his balding head,
is looking at her with a wide smile on his face as he adjusts
his glasses on his nose.

MAN
OMG I can’t believe it!

An embarrassed silence, she visibly doesn't recognize him.

MAN (CONT’D)
...Fred from 10th grade homeroom!

...

She widens her eyes, making us understand that time has not
been kind to him...

ELISABETH
...Oh... Fred...of course...

He passes his hand over his bald head.



THE SUBSTANCE - May 3rd 2022 - 14 -
...sc 11


FRED
Yeah... baldness runs in the family
- no escaping it.

ELISABETH
Oh no, that’s not what I mea...

FRED
You, however, haven't changed!
You’re still the most beautiful
girl in the whole wide world! I’ve
followed your career, what a
success! Wow wow WOW!

She smiles without letting anything show.

FRED (CONT’D)
And the funny thing is my mom used
to buy your toothpaste. So every
time I went home for Christmas, I
would think about you when I
brushed my teeth.

ELISABETH
Oh, that’s...

FRED
She’s dead now.

...creepy.

A taxi pulls up in front of them.

FRED (CONT’D)
Oh that’s for me. Hey! Why don’t we
go out for a drink some time now
that we’ve “reconnected”?!

ELISABETH
Oh uh... I’m kind of...

FRED
Oh, I’m stupid... of course you’re
super busy...

ELISABETH
(being polite)
But why don’t you give me your
card... you never know!

FRED
Oh! I’m not a “card” type of guy
but...

He rummages through his pockets and takes out a pen and some
sheets of paper with what are visibly medical test results.




THE SUBSTANCE - May 3rd 2022 - 15 -
...sc 11


FRED (CONT’D)
What do we have here... ok this
will do.
(he scribbles on one of
the sheets)
Please don’t look at my cholesterol
levels, they’re a disaster...

He rips off the end of the paper with his number written on
it... and it flies off and lands in a puddle of mirky water.

FRED (CONT’D)
Oh God...
(clumsily picking it up
and wiping it)
Programmer’s hands... Aren’t much
good away from the keyboard!

The taxi honks. He slaps the paper into Elisabeth’s hand.

FRED (CONT’D)
Now you’ve got it!

He chuckles, proud of his joke and jumps into the taxi as he
mimes the telephoning gesture: “call me!”
Genres: ["Drama","Comedy"]

Summary Elisabeth leaves the hospital, reflecting on a USB stick she found labeled 'THE SUBSTANCE.' She is unexpectedly approached by Fred, an old classmate, leading to an uncomfortable conversation filled with awkward anecdotes and clumsy attempts to reconnect. Despite his enthusiasm, Elisabeth remains polite yet distant, ultimately feeling uneasy about the encounter as Fred fumbles to give her his contact information, which ends up in a puddle. The scene concludes with Fred leaving in a taxi, humorously suggesting she should call him.
Strengths
  • Humorous dialogue
  • Authentic character interactions
  • Emotional depth
Weaknesses
  • Lack of external conflict
  • Limited character development for Fred

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively combines humor, nostalgia, and awkwardness to create an engaging and memorable interaction between Elisabeth and Fred. The dialogue and character dynamics are well-executed, providing insight into Elisabeth's past and present.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of an unexpected reunion with an old classmate outside a hospital adds depth to Elisabeth's character and explores themes of nostalgia, aging, and social dynamics. The scene effectively integrates these elements into the narrative.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene revolves around the unexpected reunion between Elisabeth and Fred, adding a new layer of complexity to Elisabeth's story. The encounter serves to advance the character development and highlight Elisabeth's past relationships.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on awkward social encounters, with unique character interactions and humorous dialogue. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters of Elisabeth and Fred are well-developed and engaging, with distinct personalities and motivations. Their interaction reveals insights into their past and present selves, deepening the audience's understanding of their dynamics.

Character Changes: 7

Elisabeth experiences a subtle shift in perspective during the scene, as she confronts her past through the unexpected reunion with Fred. The encounter prompts her to reflect on her journey and relationships, hinting at potential growth and change.

Internal Goal: 8

Elisabeth's internal goal in this scene is to maintain her composure and politeness despite feeling uncomfortable and awkward in Fred's presence. This reflects her desire to navigate social interactions gracefully and maintain her professional image.

External Goal: 6

Elisabeth's external goal is to politely extricate herself from the awkward encounter with Fred and avoid committing to a social outing with him.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict in the scene is primarily internal, as Elisabeth navigates the awkward encounter with Fred and grapples with feelings of nostalgia and discomfort. The tension arises from the characters' contrasting emotions and expectations.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Fred's awkward advances creating tension and uncertainty in Elisabeth's response.

High Stakes: 6

The stakes in the scene are relatively low, focusing more on emotional and interpersonal dynamics than external conflicts or risks. The encounter between Elisabeth and Fred carries personal significance but does not involve life-threatening or dramatic consequences.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing a new dynamic between Elisabeth and Fred, setting the stage for future interactions and developments. The unexpected reunion adds depth to the narrative and propels Elisabeth's character arc.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected humor and awkwardness of the interactions between Elisabeth and Fred.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the contrast between Elisabeth's desire for professionalism and Fred's lack of social awareness. This challenges Elisabeth's values of grace and poise in social situations.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from humor and nostalgia to awkwardness and empathy. The unexpected reunion between Elisabeth and Fred elicits a mix of feelings, deepening the audience's connection to the characters.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue in the scene is witty, humorous, and authentic, capturing the awkwardness and nostalgia of the reunion between Elisabeth and Fred. The exchanges between the characters are engaging and reveal subtle nuances in their relationship.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its humorous dialogue, awkward interactions, and relatable social dynamics. The audience is drawn into the uncomfortable situation between Elisabeth and Fred.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and humor, keeping the audience engaged in the awkward encounter between Elisabeth and Fred.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character actions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with a buildup of tension and resolution, effectively capturing the awkward encounter between Elisabeth and Fred.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes a contrast between Elisabeth's internal turmoil and the external chaos of the city, which is a strong visual choice. However, the transition from the hospital to the street could be more pronounced to emphasize her emotional state as she steps into the world after a traumatic experience.
  • The introduction of Fred serves as a moment of nostalgia and awkwardness, but his character lacks depth. While he is meant to evoke a sense of discomfort for Elisabeth, his dialogue could be more nuanced to reflect the complexities of their past relationship and the passage of time.
  • The dialogue between Elisabeth and Fred feels somewhat forced and relies heavily on exposition. Instead of having Fred recount his admiration for Elisabeth, consider showing their shared history through more subtle interactions or memories that evoke a sense of their past connection.
  • The comedic elements, such as Fred's clumsiness and the awkwardness of their interaction, are effective but could be balanced with more emotional weight. Elisabeth's reaction to Fred's comments about his mother could be explored further to highlight her discomfort and the surreal nature of the encounter.
  • The scene ends abruptly with Fred leaving in a taxi, which may leave the audience wanting more closure or insight into Elisabeth's feelings. A brief moment of reflection for Elisabeth after Fred leaves could enhance the emotional impact and provide a clearer sense of her state of mind.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief internal monologue for Elisabeth as she steps outside the hospital, reflecting on her feelings of vulnerability and the chaos of the world around her. This could deepen the audience's understanding of her emotional state.
  • Enhance Fred's character by giving him a more distinct personality or quirks that make him memorable beyond his awkwardness. This could involve adding a humorous anecdote or a shared memory that resonates with Elisabeth.
  • Revise the dialogue to make it feel more natural and less expository. Instead of Fred stating he followed her career, perhaps he could reference a specific moment from her past that connects them, creating a more organic conversation.
  • Explore Elisabeth's discomfort with Fred's comments about his mother in more detail. This could involve her reflecting on her own feelings about aging and loss, adding depth to her character and the scene.
  • After Fred leaves, include a moment where Elisabeth contemplates the USB stick and what it represents for her future. This could serve as a thematic bridge to the next scene and reinforce her internal conflict.



Scene 8 -  The Weight of Transformation
12 INT. ELISABETH’S APARTMENT / LIVING ROOM - END OF AFTERNOON 12

Elisabeth is standing in front of an oversized picture window
with a magnificent view of the city in a spacious, elegantly
decorated living room.

Hanging on the wall opposite the window is a huge full-length
framed poster of her. She's sporting a sexy pose in a blue
leotard with a big conquering smile on her face.

A bouquet of flowers still wrapped in plastic sits on the
table. On the small card attached we read: "Thank you for all
these years with us. You were amazing!". The word "were"
seems to stand out like a punch in the face.

Elisabeth plugs the USB stick into her television screen and
sits on the couch.

AN ENTIRELY BLACK SCREEN

After a moment, a MALE VOICE : it is deep and slow.
Underneath a very slight, almost inaudible crackling sound.

Have you ever dreamt of a better version of yourself?

The screen remains completely black as the voice continues:

We are merely the expression of a genetic code that freezes
at a precise moment.

But your DNA conceals billions of other possibilities.


THE SUBSTANCE - May 3rd 2022 - 16 -
...sc 12


Inside of you, there is another you. Or should I say,
billions of other “yous.”

One single injection unlocks your DNA, starting a new
cellular division, that will release another version of
yourself.

Younger. More beautiful. More perfect.

This is...

The title appears full screen at the same time as the voice
pronounces:



THE SUBSTANCE
A long silent beat over the title.

It then disappears. Silent beat on the BLACK screen.

And at long last, an image...

A yellow ball (like blu tack) upon a white surface
(high angle top shot like in a lab demonstration).

You are the matrix.
The ball is slightly dented and irregular.

Two male hands enter the frame and start slowly pulling on a
section of the blu tack ball.

Everything comes from YOU.

The hand pulls... and pulls... until the piece detaches
itself from the original ball.

And everything IS you.

THE HAND ROLLS THE NEW PIECE TO FORM A PERFECTLY ROUNDED
SECOND BALL WHICH NOW SITS NEXT TO THE ORIGINAL, THAT IN
CONTRAST SEEMS ALL THE MORE IMPERFECT.

This is simply... a better version of yourself.

Each hand presents one ball on its open palm:

You just have to share.

The left hand closes over the left ball making it disappear.

One week for one.



THE SUBSTANCE - May 3rd 2022 - 17 -
...sc 12


Before re-opening while closing the other hand.

And one week for the other.

Both hands re-open. Silent beat on the two small balls side
by side.

A perfect balance of 7 days each.

The one and only thing not to forget...



YOU ARE ONE
BACK TO THE TWO BALLS.


YOU CAN’T ESCAPE FROM YOURSELF
The two hands slam the two balls together-SMACK!

THE VIDEO ENDS.

Elisabeth remains still for a moment, watching the screen in
silence.

She then removes the USB stick, heads into the kitchen... and
throws it into the trash can.

BLACK

A muffled, distorted noise as if we were underwater...

FADE IN:
Genres: ["Drama","Sci-Fi"]

Summary In her elegantly decorated living room, Elisabeth reflects on her past as she watches a video about unlocking one's DNA for self-improvement. The deep male voice narrates the potential for transformation, illustrated by the manipulation of a yellow ball into a perfect form. Despite the allure of the message, Elisabeth ultimately rejects the idea of change, discarding the USB stick into the trash, symbolizing her internal struggle and feelings of loss.
Strengths
  • Intriguing concept of 'The Substance'
  • Strong emotional impact through Elisabeth's reactions
  • Engaging dialogue and visuals
Weaknesses
  • Limited interaction with secondary characters
  • Some elements of the scene may be too cryptic for immediate understanding

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene is well-crafted with a unique concept, engaging dialogue, and emotional depth. It effectively sets up intrigue and reflection for the audience.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of unlocking a better version of oneself through a mysterious substance is intriguing and sets up potential conflicts and character development. It adds depth to the narrative and raises questions about identity and self-improvement.

Plot: 8

The plot progresses by introducing the concept of 'The Substance' and Elisabeth's reaction to it. It sets up potential conflicts with her internal struggles and external challenges.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh concept of genetic manipulation and self-improvement, while also exploring themes of identity and self-acceptance. The dialogue and visuals are authentic and engaging.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

Elisabeth's character is well-developed, showing vulnerability, determination, and curiosity. The male nurse and Fred add layers to the scene with their interactions, hinting at potential future developments.

Character Changes: 7

Elisabeth experiences a subtle shift in perspective and emotion, moving from shock and confusion to a moment of decision when she throws away the USB stick.

Internal Goal: 8

Elisabeth's internal goal in this scene is to come to terms with her own identity and self-worth. The message of the video challenges her beliefs about perfection and self-improvement, leading her to reject the idea of changing herself.

External Goal: 7

Elisabeth's external goal in this scene is to watch the video on the USB stick. This goal reflects her curiosity and willingness to explore new ideas.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict in the scene is primarily internal, with Elisabeth facing uncertainty about her future and identity. The introduction of 'The Substance' hints at external conflicts to come.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, as Elisabeth is faced with conflicting beliefs and societal expectations.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are moderate in the scene, with Elisabeth facing personal and professional challenges that could impact her future. The introduction of 'The Substance' raises the stakes for her character.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing a key concept ('The Substance'), deepening Elisabeth's character, and setting up potential conflicts and resolutions.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected twist of Elisabeth rejecting the idea of genetic manipulation and self-improvement.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between the societal pressure to be perfect and the acceptance of one's true self. Elisabeth is faced with the choice of conforming to the standards of beauty or embracing her imperfections.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene evokes a strong emotional response through Elisabeth's reactions to the USB stick and the male nurse's examination. The sense of disillusionment and curiosity is palpable.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is engaging, with the male voiceover providing a mysterious and thought-provoking narrative. Elisabeth's actions and limited dialogue convey her inner turmoil effectively.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its thought-provoking dialogue, visual symbolism, and emotional depth.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, leading to a satisfying resolution.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is consistent with the genre and effectively conveys the visual elements and dialogue.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with a buildup of tension and resolution. The formatting enhances the visual impact of the dialogue and actions.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures Elisabeth's emotional state through visual symbolism, such as the flowers with the word 'were' standing out, which emphasizes her feelings of loss and nostalgia. However, the transition from the previous scene to this one feels abrupt. The connection between Fred's awkward encounter and Elisabeth's subsequent actions could be strengthened to enhance narrative flow.
  • The use of a black screen with a voiceover is an interesting choice, creating a sense of anticipation. However, the voiceover could benefit from more engaging language or a more personal connection to Elisabeth's journey. As it stands, it feels somewhat generic and lacks a unique voice that could resonate more deeply with the audience.
  • The imagery of the yellow ball and the hands manipulating it serves as a metaphor for transformation, but it may come off as too literal or on-the-nose. The concept of 'you are the matrix' could be explored in a more nuanced way, perhaps by incorporating Elisabeth's internal thoughts or feelings during this moment of revelation.
  • The pacing of the scene is uneven. The long beats of silence after the voiceover could be more impactful if they were interspersed with Elisabeth's reactions or thoughts, allowing the audience to connect with her emotional journey. As it stands, the silence feels prolonged and may lose the audience's engagement.
  • The final action of Elisabeth throwing the USB stick into the trash can is a strong visual moment, symbolizing her rejection of the idea of transformation. However, it could be enhanced by showing more of her internal struggle leading up to this decision. A brief flashback or a moment of hesitation could add depth to her character and make her choice more poignant.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment of reflection for Elisabeth after the voiceover, allowing her to process the information before she acts. This could involve her looking at the poster of herself or the flowers, deepening the emotional impact.
  • Revise the voiceover to include more personal language that connects directly to Elisabeth's experiences and desires. This could make the message feel more tailored to her character and less like a generic advertisement.
  • Explore the metaphor of the yellow ball and transformation in a more abstract way. Perhaps show Elisabeth's internal conflict through visual cues or her expressions as she contemplates the idea of change.
  • Incorporate Elisabeth's thoughts or feelings during the long beats of silence to maintain engagement. This could be done through voiceover or visual storytelling, such as close-ups of her face reflecting her emotional turmoil.
  • Enhance the moment when Elisabeth discards the USB stick by adding a moment of hesitation or a flashback that highlights her internal struggle with the idea of transformation, making her decision feel more significant.



Scene 9 -  Shattered Reflections
13 INT. COCKTAIL LOUNGE BAR - NIGHT 13

EXTREME CLOSE UP SHOT OF AN OLIVE FLOATING inside a
transparent liquid.

The olive is suddenly pierced by a wooden toothpick in a
muffled, distorted sound, like a heart pierced by a sword,
pieces of its slashed flesh floating in the liquid.

Back to a medium shot which shows the olive swimming inside a
Martini glass... Which Elisabeth brings to her lips... and
empties in one gulp... before putting the empty glass down...
next to the two others on the bar counter in front of her.

In a wide shot we discover that she is sitting at a bar, a
cosy speak-easy type cocktail lounge.

The mood is dark and classy, blanketed with black-velvet
surfaces and jazz music.


THE SUBSTANCE - May 3rd 2022 - 18 -
...sc 13


She glances around, looking at the different couples hidden
in the alcoves on dark couches...

It’s late.

She’s alone.

She signals the barman to serve her another drink.

14A INT. APARTMENT / LIVING ROOM - NIGHT 14A

THE BIG FRAMED PHOTO OF ELISABETH SMILING in the living room
plunged in darkness.

The sound of somebody throwing up.

On the table, the roses are now wilted, asphyxiated in their
plastic prison.

14B INT. BATHROOM - NIGHT 14B

From the dark long corridor, we can see Elisabeth kneeling
over the toilet.

She stands up and goes to the sink. Splashes water on her
face, then carelessly wipes it with a towel making her makeup
run; she stares for a moment at her reflection in the mirror.

The black lines of mascara running down her cheeks make her
look even more like a sad clown.

14C INT. LIVING ROOM - NIGHT 14C

Elisabeth stands in front of the big picture window. She
stays there looking at the city lights.

The lights continue to shine. The world continues to spin.

Without her.

Her eyes dart back and forth between different objects and
keepsakes lined up on the edge of the window sill. An Oscar
has pride of place among the other statues and awards, framed
photos and souvenirs where we see her smiling surrounded by
various people.

She picks up a snow globe with a small figurine version of
herself inside. The tiny figurine stands on a small pink
star, a replica of the Hollywood Walk of Fame.

She shakes the globe: golden confetti floats around inside
the liquid, creating a magical golden rain around Elisabeth's
figurine replica.




THE SUBSTANCE - May 3rd 2022 - 19 -
...sc 14C


A suspended moment on the sparkling confetti lingering
weightlessly...

All of a sudden, Elisabeth turns around and hurls the globe
with all her strength against the wall: BAM!!! The globe
smashes and shatters into pieces against the framed poster,
splattering everything in the process.

The smiling face on the poster is now dribbling the slimy,
transparent liquid; the glass is cracked right over one of
her eyes, as if she had gotten punched in the face.

Elisabeth grabs the wilted flowers from the table, heads to
the kitchen and...

14D INT. KITCHEN - NIGHT 14D

... throws them in the trash can.

BLACK

A long silent beat.

CLACK - LOW ANGLE SHOT FROM INSIDE THE TRASH CAN WHICH OPENS
AGAIN- revealing Elisabeth’s face framed by the black can.

She leans over, sticks her hand inside the black bucket...

... and retrieves the USB stick, covered in sticky residue.
Genres: ["Drama","Psychological Thriller"]

Summary In a dark cocktail lounge, Elisabeth sips a Martini while observing happy couples, symbolizing her loneliness. Transitioning to her apartment, she confronts her despair as she vomits and reflects on her past, highlighted by a framed photo of her smiling self. Overwhelmed, she shatters a snow globe that represents her achievements, expressing her inner turmoil. The scene concludes with her retrieving a USB stick from the trash, hinting at a potential connection to her past.
Strengths
  • Powerful imagery
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue could be more impactful
  • Pacing in certain moments

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys the emotional turmoil and despair of the protagonist through powerful imagery and symbolism. The use of visuals and actions enhances the overall impact of the scene, creating a strong emotional connection with the audience.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of shattered dreams and the exploration of loss and despair are effectively portrayed in the scene. The use of symbolism and visual cues enhances the depth of the character's emotional journey.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene focuses on Elisabeth's emotional breakdown and sense of loss, moving the story forward by delving into her internal struggles. The scene effectively advances the character arc and adds depth to the narrative.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh and unique perspective on loneliness and self-destruction, with authentic character actions and dialogue.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters, especially Elisabeth, are well-developed and portrayed with depth and complexity. The scene allows for a deeper understanding of Elisabeth's inner turmoil and emotional state, creating a strong connection with the audience.

Character Changes: 8

Elisabeth undergoes a significant emotional change in the scene, moving from shock and despair to a moment of catharsis and release. The scene effectively portrays her internal struggles and emotional journey.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to cope with feelings of loneliness and disappointment, as seen through her actions and interactions with her surroundings.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to numb her emotions through alcohol and destructive behavior, as shown by her excessive drinking and throwing away of the wilted flowers.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7.5

The scene has a moderate level of conflict, primarily internal and emotional, as Elisabeth grapples with her sense of loss and rejection. The conflict adds depth to the character's journey and drives the emotional impact of the scene.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene adds complexity and conflict, driving the protagonist's actions and decisions.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are moderately high in the scene, as Elisabeth grapples with the loss of her career, identity, and sense of self-worth. The emotional turmoil and despair she experiences heighten the stakes and add tension to the narrative.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by delving into Elisabeth's emotional breakdown and internal struggles. It adds depth to the character's arc and advances the narrative by exploring themes of loss and despair.

Unpredictability: 7

The scene is unpredictable in its emotional twists and turns, keeping the audience engaged.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the protagonist's struggle with her own identity and self-worth, as symbolized by the shattered snow globe and the smashed poster.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking feelings of sadness, despair, and empathy for the protagonist. The powerful imagery and emotional depth of the scene resonate with the audience, creating a strong emotional connection.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the emotions and conflicts of the characters, adding depth to the narrative. The interactions between characters feel authentic and contribute to the overall tone and mood of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its emotional depth and the protagonist's compelling internal struggles.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and emotion, enhancing its impact.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and follows the expected format for its genre.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a coherent structure that effectively conveys the protagonist's emotional journey.


Critique
  • The scene effectively uses visual symbolism, particularly with the olive and the snow globe, to convey Elisabeth's emotional state. The piercing of the olive can be interpreted as a metaphor for her own feelings of being pierced by life's disappointments, while the snow globe represents her past successes and the fragility of her current state. However, the connection between these symbols could be made clearer to enhance the thematic depth.
  • The transition between the cocktail lounge and Elisabeth's apartment is well-executed, creating a stark contrast between her public persona and her private despair. The use of sound, such as the muffled noise and the jazz music, adds to the atmosphere, but the abruptness of the transition could be smoothed out to maintain emotional continuity.
  • Elisabeth's actions, such as throwing up and smashing the snow globe, effectively illustrate her inner turmoil and frustration. However, the pacing of these actions feels rushed. Allowing more time for her emotional reactions could heighten the impact of her breakdown and make her despair more relatable to the audience.
  • The description of Elisabeth's appearance, particularly the 'sad clown' imagery, is powerful and evokes sympathy. However, it may benefit from a more nuanced exploration of her feelings. Instead of simply stating she looks like a sad clown, consider delving into her thoughts or memories that contribute to this self-image, providing a deeper psychological insight.
  • The scene ends with Elisabeth retrieving the USB stick, which serves as a plot device for future developments. While this is a good setup, it could be more impactful if the significance of the USB stick is hinted at earlier in the scene, creating a stronger narrative thread that connects her emotional state to her next actions.
Suggestions
  • Consider expanding on Elisabeth's internal monologue during her time at the cocktail lounge to provide insight into her feelings of isolation and despair. This could help the audience connect more deeply with her character.
  • Enhance the transition between the cocktail lounge and her apartment by incorporating a visual or auditory motif that links the two settings, such as a recurring sound or a visual element that follows her from one place to another.
  • Slow down the pacing during key emotional moments, allowing the audience to fully absorb Elisabeth's reactions. This could involve lingering on her expressions or the aftermath of her actions, such as the shattered snow globe.
  • Explore Elisabeth's thoughts and feelings more deeply when she sees her reflection and the wilted flowers. This could involve flashbacks or memories that illustrate her past successes and current failures, enriching her character development.
  • Foreshadow the importance of the USB stick earlier in the scene by incorporating subtle hints about its significance, perhaps through Elisabeth's thoughts or a brief interaction with another character that references it.



Scene 10 -  Morning After Uncertainty
15A INT. BEDROOM. NIGHT 15A

Elisabeth sits on the side of her bed on the phone, lit only
by the small bedside lamp whose soft glow lights her face.

The sound of the line ringing. Slow. Regular. The line
crackles slightly.

After numerous rings, someone finally picks up the phone.

A moment of silence.

Then a masculine voice, deep and cavernous:

Yes?

The sound of heavy breathing on the other end of the line.

Elisabeth hesitates, then finally jumps in:

ELISABETH
I’d like to... order?

A beat. Then the deep, terse, deadpan voice:

Address?


THE SUBSTANCE - May 3rd 2022 - 20 -
...sc 15A


ELISABETH (CONT’D)
1057 North Beverly Drive.

Please note: 35 North Byron Alley.(TBD)

Caught unprepared, she grabs a pen and scribbles the address
on the palm of her hand.

The line goes dead.

Elisabeth remains for a moment without moving on her bed.

BLACK

15B INT. BEDROOM / CORRIDOR - DAY 15B

A steady whirring sound that grows louder and louder...

Bits of light appear and disappear... Elisabeth opens her
eyes with a start.

She realizes that she fell asleep on her bed still dressed.
She’s dazzled by the sunlight that floods her bedroom.

She sits up and swings her legs over the side of the bed...
ouch... a major hangover.

She walks down the hallway dragging her feet where A CLEANING
LADY IN HER FIFTIES is running the vacuum.

ELISABETH
Hello Maria.

MARIA
Hello Ma’am.

16 INT. SHOWER. DAY 16

HISSSSSSSSSSSS TOP SHOT OF THE POWERFUL JET OF WATER spraying
Elisabeth's head and back, flattening her hair, water
streaming down her numb body. She looks up and the jet slowly
washes away the traces of makeup on her face.

CUT TO:

17 INT. KITCHEN / LIVING ROOM - DAY 17

SISSSSSSSSS - AN EFFERVESCENT ASPIRIN TABLET drops into a
glass of water.

Elisabeth sits at the kitchen table, wearing a white terry
cloth bathrobe.

The bubbles rise to the surface of the glass.



THE SUBSTANCE - May 3rd 2022 - 21 -
...sc 17


In the background in the living room, we see Maria vacuuming
slowly, crossing the frame in a straight line from left to
right.... then from right to left... like a small foosball
figurine moving straight in its axis.

Elisabeth picks up the newspaper that has been dropped on the
table with the mail, and quickly leafs through it.

She can’t help but take a quick look at the classified ads...
where she discovers the casting call to replace her.

A moment to regroup... then she throws the paper into the
wastepaper basket and sifts through the rest of her mail -
advertising fliers, a few bills... and stops on a white
envelope with her address written by hand. The envelope is
sealed with an “S” on the back. No stamp, no postmark, as if
someone had dropped it off there.

Elisabeth opens the envelope, and finds enclosed a white
plastic card that is simply marked: 503.

She looks at the back of the card: nothing.

She stares at the card for a moment... then at the palm of
her hand with the address almost entirely erased by her
shower.

In the background, the excruciatingly insistent noise of the
vacuum cleaner

18A EXT. STREET (ELISABETH AREA). DAY 18A

We follow Elisabeth from behind with a hand-held camera as
she walks down the street.

Her mustard yellow coat is a spot of color that keeps us
riveted to her and her gait.

18B EXT. STREET (LESS NICE STREET). DAY 18B

Still following Elisabeth from behind as she walks (her
surroundings are a little less pleasant)

19A EXT. AVENUE / DEPOSIT BUILDING (SKID ROW). DAY 19A

Elisabeth arrives at the given address: on the avenue, a
small seedy metal shutter door without any signs or
nameplates.

Just a small magnetic card reader on the side of the door.
She waves her card and the shutter starts to rise...then gets
stuck, halfway open. She waves her card at it again but the
shutter remains half shut. She looks around... before
crouching down to pass under the shutter...



THE SUBSTANCE - May 3rd 2022 - 22 -
...sc 19B
Genres: ["Drama","Mystery","Thriller"]

Summary Elisabeth struggles to place a phone order in her dimly lit bedroom, but the call disconnects after she provides her address. The next day, she wakes up with a hangover, interacts with her cleaning lady Maria, and discovers a casting call suggesting she might be replaced. Among her mail, she finds a mysterious envelope containing a plastic card marked '503'. The scene concludes with her preparing to leave her apartment, highlighting her internal conflict and vulnerability.
Strengths
  • Effective use of visual storytelling
  • Intriguing setup of mystery
  • Strong emotional impact on the audience
Weaknesses
  • Limited dialogue may hinder character development
  • Lack of clear external conflict

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively sets up a sense of mystery and intrigue through the introduction of the white plastic card and Elisabeth's actions. The use of visual storytelling and minimal dialogue adds depth to the character and plot.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of the scene, centered around the enigmatic white plastic card and Elisabeth's reaction to it, is intriguing and sets up a compelling narrative thread. It introduces a new direction for the character and the story.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene focuses on Elisabeth's discovery of the white plastic card and her subsequent journey to the given address, adding depth to her character and advancing the overall narrative. It introduces a new mystery and potential conflict.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a mysterious phone call and a cryptic order, setting up a unique and intriguing premise. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and contribute to the overall sense of mystery and suspense.


Character Development

Characters: 8

Elisabeth's character is developed through her actions and reactions in the scene, showcasing her curiosity, vulnerability, and determination. The introduction of the mysterious card adds layers to her personality.

Character Changes: 7

Elisabeth undergoes a subtle change in the scene, moving from a state of confusion and vulnerability to a sense of determination and curiosity as she decides to follow the clues provided by the mysterious card.

Internal Goal: 8

Elisabeth's internal goal in this scene is to make a mysterious order, which reflects her curiosity and willingness to take risks. She is stepping out of her comfort zone and engaging in something unknown, hinting at a desire for adventure or change.

External Goal: 7

Elisabeth's external goal in this scene is to follow through with the order she placed on the phone. She is faced with the challenge of finding the address and completing the transaction, which adds a sense of urgency and mystery to the scene.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

The conflict in the scene is more internal and emotional, as Elisabeth grapples with her feelings of confusion and curiosity. The external conflict is hinted at through the mysterious card and the unknown destination.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create tension and uncertainty, as Elisabeth faces challenges in completing her order and navigating the mysterious situation. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of what will happen next.

High Stakes: 6

The stakes in the scene are more internal and emotional, as Elisabeth grapples with her sense of identity and purpose. The discovery of the mysterious card hints at larger mysteries and potential dangers ahead.

Story Forward: 8

The scene propels the story forward by introducing a new mystery and plot direction through the enigmatic card. It sets up future events and character development, keeping the audience engaged and curious.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the cryptic nature of the phone call and the mysterious envelope. The audience is left wondering about the significance of these events and what will happen next.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the idea of stepping into the unknown and taking risks. Elisabeth's actions challenge her beliefs and values, as she is venturing into a mysterious situation without knowing the full consequences.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a sense of sadness, confusion, and curiosity in the audience, as they empathize with Elisabeth's internal struggle and the enigmatic situation she finds herself in.

Dialogue: 7

The minimal dialogue in the scene effectively conveys Elisabeth's emotions and the mysterious nature of the situation. The sparse use of words enhances the visual storytelling and adds to the overall tone.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its mysterious and suspenseful atmosphere, as well as the gradual reveal of information. The audience is drawn in by the sense of intrigue and anticipation.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and suspense, with a gradual reveal of information and a sense of urgency in Elisabeth's actions. The rhythm of the scene contributes to its overall effectiveness.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and easy to follow, with concise descriptions and dialogue. It adheres to the expected format for its genre, enhancing the reader's understanding of the action.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with a buildup of tension and mystery. The pacing and rhythm of the scene contribute to its effectiveness in conveying the protagonist's goals and challenges.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures Elisabeth's emotional state through her actions and the environment, particularly the dim lighting and the sound of the phone ringing, which creates a sense of isolation and tension. However, the dialogue feels somewhat stilted and lacks natural flow, especially in the phone conversation. The abrupt disconnection of the call could be more impactful if it were foreshadowed or tied to Elisabeth's emotional state.
  • The transition from night to day is visually striking, but the scene could benefit from more sensory details to enhance the reader's immersion. For instance, describing the sounds of the city outside or the smell of coffee brewing in the kitchen could ground the reader in the setting and provide a richer experience.
  • Elisabeth's hangover is mentioned but not fully explored. This could be an opportunity to delve deeper into her physical and emotional discomfort, perhaps through her interactions with Maria or her reflections in the shower. This would add layers to her character and make her struggles more relatable.
  • The introduction of the mysterious envelope and the plastic card marked '503' is intriguing, but it feels somewhat abrupt. Providing a brief moment of Elisabeth's internal thoughts or a flashback could help establish the significance of this card and build suspense for the reader.
  • The scene ends with Elisabeth staring at the card and her palm, which is a strong visual metaphor for her fading identity. However, it could be enhanced by incorporating her emotional response to this realization, perhaps through a brief internal monologue or a physical reaction that conveys her anxiety or confusion.
Suggestions
  • Revise the dialogue in the phone conversation to make it feel more natural and reflective of Elisabeth's emotional state. Consider adding pauses or hesitations that convey her uncertainty.
  • Incorporate more sensory details to enrich the setting, such as sounds, smells, and textures that Elisabeth experiences as she transitions from night to day.
  • Explore Elisabeth's hangover more thoroughly by showing her physical discomfort and how it affects her interactions with Maria and her actions in the shower.
  • Provide context for the mysterious envelope and card by including Elisabeth's thoughts or memories that connect her to this item, enhancing its significance.
  • Add a moment of introspection for Elisabeth at the end of the scene, allowing her to express her feelings about the card and her current situation, which would deepen the emotional impact.



Scene 11 -  Unpacking Secrets
19B INT. DEPOSIT / LONG NARROW CORRIDOR - DAY 19B

She’s now in a long narrow decrepit hallway. On the other
side of the shutter door, a notification flyer from a pest
control company.

Nice...

She goes down the long corridor..., which leads to...

19C INT. DEPOSIT / LOBBY 19C

...a small, windowless lobby, harshly lit with neon lights,
with letter boxes, like post office boxes, on the wall.

Elisabeth scans the letter boxes... One at the bottom is
marked 207... and then another box, higher up, is marked 503.

She waves her card to unlock her letter box. BEEP.

CUT TO:

20 INT. APARTMENT / LIVING ROOM - END OF THE DAY 20

A CARDBOARD BOX MARKED 503 sits on the coffee table.

Everything is now tidy and silent in the apartment.

Elisabeth sits on the couch, looking at the parcel.

She finally opens the box and starts taking out what she
finds inside. She lays everything out on the table.

A small yellow fluorescent vial upon which is written:

ACTIVATOR
(single use/discard after use)

A plastic kit containing elements that look like needles and
syringes with the label:

STABILIZER
other self

Something which would appear to look like a sewing kit:
surgical scissors. Compresses. Surgical thread. Disinfectant.

A transparent perfusion pipe with a label marked SWITCH.

And two transparent perfusion bags filled with a thick yellow
liquid upon which are written:




THE SUBSTANCE - May 3rd 2022 - 23 -
...sc 20


FOOD FOOD

MATRIX OTHER SELF

----------- 7 ----------- 7

----------- 6 ----------- 6

----------- 5 ----------- 5

----------- 4 ----------- 4

----------- 3 ----------- 3

----------- 2 ----------- 2

----------- 1 ----------- 1

---SWITCH--- ---SWITCH---


At the bottom of the box, a small white note card with
instructions and icons:

«YOU ACTIVATE» - only once (intravenous)

«YOU STABILIZE» - everyday (intramuscular)

«YOU SWITCH» - every 7 days without exception. She turns the
card over and reads the inscription on it:

REMEMBER YOU ARE ONE

A moment on the equipment spread out on the coffee table.
Genres: ["Drama","Sci-Fi"]

Summary Elisabeth traverses a dilapidated corridor and enters a neon-lit lobby, where she unlocks her mailbox. In her tidy apartment, she opens a box containing medical supplies and a note with instructions, hinting at an unsettling connection to her health or identity. The scene is marked by a tense atmosphere, contrasting the grim surroundings with the clinical nature of the items revealed.
Strengths
  • Intriguing concept of transformative substances
  • Effective creation of mystery and anticipation
Weaknesses
  • Limited character development for Elisabeth in this scene

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively creates a sense of mystery and intrigue with the introduction of the package and its contents, setting up a significant plot development.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of a transformative substance that could alter one's identity or self is intriguing and adds depth to the narrative, hinting at potential character development and plot twists.

Plot: 8

The plot is advanced significantly with the introduction of the package and its contents, setting up potential conflicts and character arcs related to the transformative substances.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh and original concept with the mysterious medical equipment and cryptic instructions. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds depth to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 7.5

While Elisabeth's character is central to the scene, the focus is more on the concept of the substances rather than deep character development at this point.

Character Changes: 7

Elisabeth undergoes a subtle shift as she is confronted with the possibility of transformation, hinting at potential changes in her character and journey.

Internal Goal: 8

Elisabeth's internal goal in this scene is to understand the contents of the mysterious box and the implications of the medical equipment inside. This reflects her curiosity, fear, and desire for control over her own body and identity.

External Goal: 7

Elisabeth's external goal is to unlock her letter box and retrieve the parcel inside. This reflects her immediate task and the challenges she faces in navigating the deposit building.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7.5

The conflict is more internal at this point, as Elisabeth grapples with the implications of the substances and the choices they present.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is moderate, with Elisabeth facing challenges in unlocking the letter box and deciphering the contents of the box. The audience is kept on edge by the mysterious nature of the medical equipment.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are raised with the discovery of the transformative substances, as Elisabeth faces the choice of whether to use them and what they could mean for her identity.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by introducing a key plot element that could have far-reaching consequences for Elisabeth and the narrative.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the cryptic nature of the medical equipment and instructions, as well as the unexpected twist of the substance-filled bags. The audience is left wondering about the significance of these elements.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around themes of identity, control, and self-preservation. The medical equipment and instructions hint at a deeper existential dilemma for Elisabeth, challenging her beliefs about autonomy and the nature of self.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7.5

The scene evokes a sense of isolation and curiosity, as Elisabeth contemplates the contents of the package and the potential changes they could bring.

Dialogue: 7

The scene relies more on visual cues and the discovery of the substances rather than dialogue, creating a sense of mystery and anticipation.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intriguing premise, detailed descriptions, and the gradual reveal of the mysterious contents of the box. The reader is drawn into Elisabeth's journey and the enigmatic world she inhabits.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and suspense as Elisabeth explores the deposit building and uncovers the contents of the box. The rhythm of the scene enhances the reader's engagement.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is effective in conveying the spatial and visual elements of the setting, such as the long corridor and the letter boxes. It enhances the reader's immersion in the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear and logical progression as Elisabeth navigates the deposit building and discovers the contents of the box. The formatting enhances the visual impact of the scene.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension and intrigue as Elisabeth discovers the contents of the box marked 503. The use of specific labels and descriptions for the items inside the box creates a sense of foreboding and curiosity about 'THE SUBSTANCE' and its implications for Elisabeth's character development.
  • The transition from the decrepit hallway to the small, windowless lobby is visually striking, emphasizing Elisabeth's isolation and the stark contrast between her past life and her current situation. However, the description of the hallway could benefit from more sensory details to enhance the atmosphere, such as sounds or smells that evoke a sense of decay or neglect.
  • The dialogue is minimal, which works well in this context, allowing the visuals and Elisabeth's actions to convey her emotional state. However, adding a brief internal monologue or a moment of hesitation before she opens the box could deepen the audience's connection to her character and heighten the stakes.
  • The instructions on the note card are clear and informative, but they could be presented in a more visually engaging way. Consider incorporating a close-up shot of the card as Elisabeth reads it, allowing the audience to absorb the information alongside her, which would enhance the dramatic impact of the moment.
  • The scene ends with a moment of stillness as Elisabeth examines the contents of the box, which is effective. However, it might be beneficial to include a hint of her emotional reaction to the items, whether it's fear, excitement, or confusion, to provide a stronger emotional anchor for the audience.
Suggestions
  • Enhance the sensory details in the description of the hallway to create a more immersive atmosphere, such as adding sounds of dripping water or the smell of mildew.
  • Consider adding a brief internal monologue or hesitation from Elisabeth before she opens the box to deepen her emotional connection with the audience.
  • Incorporate a close-up shot of the note card as Elisabeth reads it, allowing the audience to absorb the instructions visually and heightening the dramatic impact.
  • Include a moment that captures Elisabeth's emotional reaction to the contents of the box, whether through facial expressions or a brief dialogue with herself, to provide a stronger emotional anchor.
  • Explore the possibility of adding a visual motif or recurring element that ties back to the theme of transformation, which could be subtly integrated into the scene to reinforce the narrative's central conflict.



Scene 12 -  The Matrix Within
21A INT. BATHROOM - NIGHT 21A

Elisabeth, naked, faces her bathroom mirror.

She looks at the sight the mirror reflects back at her
without clothing and makeup.

Her breasts. Her belly. Her face.

She slides her hand over her beauty mark with its singular
shape next to her belly button.

She's still a very beautiful woman but doesn't seem happy by
what she sees. We can sense a hidden anguish. Generalized.
Immense.

Basically she's just aging... and everything and everyone
around her leads her to believe it is the end of the world.
The end of her world.

As she looks at her reflection in the mirror, we hear the
man’s deep resonating voice:


THE SUBSTANCE - May 3rd 2022 - 24 -
...sc 21A


You are the matrix.

On the side of the sink, the equipment is carefully placed
upon a small silver tray.

Everything comes from YOU.

And everything IS YOU.

She picks up the syringe and fills it with the fluorescent
yellow liquid from the small ACTIVATOR vial.

This is simply... a better version of yourself.

She looks at herself in the mirror again.

Then she takes the tourniquet strap provided with her kit.

She makes a tourniquet on her arm, which she tightens with
her teeth.

She disinfects her arm with a cotton pad soaked in alcohol.

She taps her forearm to find a vein.

We can sense she's nervous. She ends up taking a deep breath,
sinks the needle into the vein and slowly empties the
contents of the syringe.

She waits for a few moments, tensed.

Nothing happens.

A beat. She breathes in deeply.

Still nothing.

She sighs... This is bullshi-

She turns away from the mirror and everything suddenly starts
spinning. She falls...
21B BAM! head first against the floor tiles. 21B

She's folded in two on the floor, violent abdominal pains
shooting straight through her stomach. The pain is
excruciating.

Her skin seems to come alive all of a sudden. As if something
were growing and moving underneath it.

She starts to sweat. Her eyes fill with sheer terror.

The pain is now unbearable.

The growth under her skin.




THE SUBSTANCE - May 3rd 2022 - 25 -
...sc 21A


Sounds grow muffled. As if she were hearing inside of
herself. There is something moving... evolving...

Extreme close up of her pupil dilating...

...Deforming...

...DIVIDING ITSELF INTO TWO inside her iris...

She curls up into a foetal position under the unbearable
pain.

Her eye rolls upwards and for a moment we fleetingly see... A
SECOND EYE INSIDE THE CAVITY before it disappears behind the
ocular globe...

On her back, her skin deforms itself and then starts rippling
like waves, as if something strange were moving inside of
her.

The skin covering her spine starts to crack... and split
open. Under the opening skin... we see a SECOND SPINE...

As if ANOTHER BODY were locked up inside her own body.

The skin parts in two and lets THE SECOND BODY APPEAR.

The sound is muffled, her pupil dilates like a black hole, a
ringing noise creeps up in her ears, growing more and more
deafening...

We enter her pupil, a tunnel of fluorescent light moving at
full speed towards a small white spot which grows bigger and
bigger with AMAZING SPEED...

BLACK


21C Silence. 21C

A long beat.

Very long beat.

Of silence.

And darkness.

And suddenly.

The subliminal shot of a heart on fire, blazing.

Boom BOOM... Boom BOOM... Boom BOOM...

The image returns, slowly but surely.



THE SUBSTANCE - May 3rd 2022 - 26 -
...sc 21A


Flickering like the batting of eyelids...

Slowly coming back to life...

At first we only see white tiles.

We soon realize that this is Elisabeth's POV, waking up on
the bathroom floor. Her vision is blurry, she is trying to
focus...

She turns to the other side and sees...

Elisabeth... lying on her back, unconscious on the white
tiles.

... ?

If Elisabeth is lying down on the ground in front of her...
Who is she??

Her POV: She lifts up her hand into her field of vision. The
nerve network is still being constructed making its blue
veins bulge slightly. The edges of her fingernails perspire a
mixture of fluid and blood.

She heads towards the sink and faces the steamed up mirror.
She attempts to focus. She wipes the mirror with her hand to
take the condensation away and discovers... A MAGNIFICENT
YOUNG WOMAN IN HER TWENTIES... perfectly formed... incredibly
beautiful... and young.

Her features are different from Elisabeth’s, but there is a
distant family resemblance.

She looks completely dazed.

All the sounds are muffled as if she were in cotton wool. As
if she can hear the inside of her body.

She approaches the mirror to look at her eye. She pulls down
her lower eyelid: inside of her iris, traces of yellow
fluorescent pigment are resorbing and forming a few small,
irregular yellow stains.

She slides her hand over her face, her hard nipples, filled
with life... Super hard pointy nipples like when she was
twenty.

She notices that her singular beauty mark is now on her right
breast, while her tummy is unblemished.

She turns to one side, exaggerates the curve of her back upon
which her long hair cascades down... like a Venus emerging
from the water... a creature of almost supernatural beauty.

She looks down... and sees her old self lying on the floor.

The matrix.


THE SUBSTANCE - May 3rd 2022 - 27 -
...sc 21A


She’s lying still, her eyes frozen, staring into emptiness...

...in a puddle of fluid and blood.

The matrix’s back along her spine shows the traces of a slot-
like opening, already half closed.

As if the shock of this vision were too violent for her,
everything spins and she throws up a yellow, fluorescent
liquid on the white tiled floor.

She then tries to get ahold of herself... the matrix is pale
and can’t seem to breathe anymore.
21D She opens up the sewing kit and forces herself to get it 21D
together. She starts sewing up the slit in Elisabeth's back.

The needle and thread start suturing the huge wound along her
spine...

Once the suturing is finished, she picks up the perfusion bag
upon which is written:"FOOD/MATRIX" and sticks the
intravenous needle into Elisabeth's arm.

A small bubble floats up through the perfusion pipe...

After a beat... the matrix starts breathing again and the
thick yellow liquid begins to empty very slowly along the
gradation of the plastic bag which indicates

FOOD

MATRIX

----------- 7

----------- 6

----------- 5

----------- 4

----------- 3

----------- 2

----------- 1

---SWITCH---


She sits down on the edge of the bathtub. She's shaking.
Gathering her thoughts.

The camera tracks back slowly and reveals them side by side
for the first time together.

The MATRIX is spread out on the tiled floor.


THE SUBSTANCE - May 3rd 2022 - 28 -
...sc 21A


SHE, the "new she," is sitting on the side of the bathtub.

Now they will have to share...

She stays silent and immobile for a moment.
Genres: ["Sci-Fi","Horror","Drama"]

Summary In a dark bathroom, Elisabeth confronts her aging reflection and injects herself with a fluorescent serum, triggering a painful transformation that reveals a younger version of herself, known as 'the matrix.' After the transformation, the matrix tends to her unconscious older self, performing medical procedures to ensure her survival. The scene explores themes of identity, self-acceptance, and the anguish of aging, culminating in a tense yet hopeful moment as the matrix prepares to embrace her new existence.
Strengths
  • Intense transformation sequence
  • Mystery and suspense
  • Emotional depth and impact
Weaknesses
  • Limited dialogue
  • Potentially confusing visuals

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9.2

The scene is highly impactful, combining elements of horror, sci-fi, and drama to create a tense and mysterious atmosphere. The transformation of the character is both shocking and intriguing, leaving the audience with a sense of awe and anticipation.


Story Content

Concept: 9.3

The concept of a character undergoing a dramatic physical and existential transformation is compelling and thought-provoking. The idea of a 'new self' emerging from within adds depth to the narrative.

Plot: 9

The plot progression in this scene is crucial, as it sets up a major turning point for the character and introduces a new dynamic that will drive the story forward. The revelation of the 'matrix' adds layers of complexity to the narrative.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on the theme of self-image and transformation, with a unique and unsettling twist on the concept of beauty and identity.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters in this scene, particularly the main character and their transformed self, undergo significant development and exploration of identity. The duality between the two adds depth to their arcs.

Character Changes: 9

The character undergoes a profound and irreversible change, both physically and emotionally, leading to a new understanding of themselves and their place in the world.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to feel young and beautiful again, reflecting her deeper desire to regain her youth and vitality.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to inject herself with a substance that promises to make her a better version of herself.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8.8

The internal conflict faced by the character during their transformation, as well as the external conflict of dealing with the consequences, creates a high level of tension and suspense.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist facing unexpected consequences and challenges that add depth to the narrative.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in this scene, as the character's very existence and sense of self are threatened by the transformation. The consequences of this event will have far-reaching implications.

Story Forward: 9

The scene propels the story forward by introducing a major plot development and shifting the dynamics between characters. It sets the stage for further exploration of identity and transformation.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected consequences of the protagonist's actions and the shocking transformation that occurs.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict revolves around the idea of self-improvement and the consequences of altering one's appearance and identity.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9.5

The scene evokes a strong emotional response from the audience, blending fear, awe, and empathy for the character's struggle. The intense transformation and existential crisis resonate deeply.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue in the scene is minimal but impactful, focusing more on visual storytelling and internal monologue. The sparse dialogue enhances the atmosphere of tension and mystery.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense emotional moments, mysterious atmosphere, and dramatic transformation of the protagonist.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, leading to a dramatic and impactful climax.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene's formatting is clear and easy to follow, enhancing the reader's understanding of the events and emotions portrayed.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a structured format that effectively builds tension and suspense, leading to a dramatic climax.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures Elisabeth's internal struggle with aging and self-identity, using visceral imagery and physical transformation to symbolize her emotional turmoil. The contrast between her old self and the new version is striking, and the use of the mirror as a motif reinforces her self-examination.
  • The pacing of the scene is well-executed, building tension as Elisabeth prepares to inject the substance. However, the transition from her initial calmness to the intense pain could benefit from a more gradual escalation to enhance the shock value of her transformation.
  • The dialogue is minimal, which works well in this context, allowing the visuals and Elisabeth's actions to convey her emotional state. However, the voiceover could be more impactful if it were integrated into the scene rather than presented as a separate entity, creating a more immersive experience.
  • The description of the physical transformation is vivid and imaginative, but it may border on excessive in some areas. Streamlining certain descriptions could maintain the reader's engagement without overwhelming them with detail.
  • The ending of the scene, where the new version of Elisabeth tends to her old self, is powerful and poignant. However, it may benefit from a clearer emotional reaction from the new Elisabeth, as this could deepen the audience's connection to her character and the gravity of the situation.
Suggestions
  • Consider incorporating more sensory details to enhance the atmosphere, such as the sounds of the syringe filling or the texture of the skin during the transformation, to draw the audience further into Elisabeth's experience.
  • Explore the possibility of adding a brief moment of hesitation or doubt before Elisabeth injects herself, which could heighten the tension and make her decision feel more significant.
  • Integrate the voiceover more seamlessly into the scene, perhaps as an internal monologue that overlaps with her actions, to create a stronger connection between her thoughts and her physical experience.
  • Streamline some of the more elaborate descriptions of the transformation process to maintain clarity and focus, ensuring that the reader remains engaged without feeling overwhelmed.
  • Enhance the emotional depth of the new Elisabeth's reaction to her old self by including a moment of reflection or realization, which could provide a more profound commentary on identity and self-worth.



Scene 13 -  Struggles of Identity
22 INT. KITCHEN - NIGHT 22

NewElisabeth at the kitchen table in her bathrobe.

We see her sitting from behind, perfectly still.

Then we hear her start to make guttural sounds, which run up
and down the scale: bass / treble / bass hhh…hel…
Hiiii…heee…llo…oooo… which trigger a coughing fit.

She spits something into a napkin: fluorescent yellow mucus.

She tries again, this time her voice is clearer:
Hello...hello...hello

23 OMITTED 23


24 INT. BEDROOM - NIGHT 24

TOP SHOT on NewElisabeth lying in the large bed, staring at
the ceiling.

A million things are spinning inside her head.

She finally closes her eyes.

After a few moments, we see her turning over.

And over again.

After a while, she turns the light on and gets out of bed.

CUT TO:

25 INT. BATHROOM - NIGHT 25

The bathroom light switches back on, revealing the matrix in
stasis on the floor, who hasn't moved an inch.

NewElisabeth looks at her for a moment. She then kneels and
tilts her very carefully to lay her on her back.

She takes a terry towel which she folds in four and gently
places underneath the matrix’s head.

She readjusts her position to make her comfortable. Gently
puts her hair back in place and brings her ear close to her
face to check her breathing.


THE SUBSTANCE - May 3rd 2022 - 29 -
...sc 25


Everything is fine. After a beat looking down at her... she
turns off the light again.

BLACK

FADE IN:

26 INT/EXT. BEDROOM WINDOW / PALM TREE - DAY 26

A SHINY-LEAVED PALM TREE standing out against the BLUE SKY.

27 INT. TOP SHOT SHOWER. DAY 27

HISSSSSSSSSSSSS - THE POWERFUL JET OF WATER sprays down the
small of NewElisabeth’s back, flattening her long blond hair.
She runs her hands along her waist ... her belly ... her
thighs ... as if to appreciate her new shapes and forms.

28A INT. BATHROOM. DAY 28A

POV FLOOR LEVEL - naked feet come out of the shower and walk
past her former body still in stasis on the bathroom floor; a
few drops of water land on the matrix.

She wraps her bathrobe around her and stands in front of the
mirror. Facing the mirror, her voice is now perfectly clear
and controlled:

NEW-ELISABETH
...HELLO.

Strange feeling discovering her new voice.

She starts drying her hair off with a towel. A slight
tinnitus starts buzzing in her ears.

Ping.

A drop of blood has just fallen onto the white sink.

NewElisabeth brings her hand to her nose and looks at the end
of her index finger, which is blood red.

She opens the little door to the cabinet over the sink and
takes out the kit marked:

STABILIZER
Other self

The little card reads:

you stabilise

EVERY DAY



THE SUBSTANCE - May 3rd 2022 - 30 -
...sc 28A


She takes out of the kit: a long puncture needle... and a
sort of plastic tube containing individual, but interlocking,
mini-vials (clipped on the inside) numbered 1 to 7, making up
the whole of a compartmentalized syringe.

She looks at the instruction card... her eyebrows shoot up
when she sees the diagrams, a bit uneasy...

Ping, ping, ping, the drops of blood fall more quickly and
persistently forcing her to react.

She kneels down next to the matrix and gently turns her onto
her side.

She approaches the oversized needle... and starts lightly
jabbing the sutured skin... it resists... she pushes with a
bit more strength... it still resists... she pushes again
and... Swik!... it slides right in.

Extremely concentrated while trying to ignore the piercing
tinnitus that never stops, her eyes watch the long puncture
needle that progressively sinks into the spinal column.

The needle all the way in, she clips on the series of
compartmentalized vials (forming a barrel) and pulls lightly
on the plunger... progressively draining a transparent liquid
and filling the individual vials.

Once all the vials are filled, she carefully removes the
needle, unclips the first vial marked DAY 1 and Swik! Gives
herself an intramuscular injection in the thigh.

HER PUPIL DILATES - A beat while her body diffuses the
fluid.... the tinnitus diminishes in intensity... and finally
disappears.

The bleeding has stopped. Everything’s ok.

She breathes out to calm herself

But she’s distracted by a noise...

She strains her ears... is it the... sound... of...

A KEY IN THE LOCK??!!

After a suspended moment where everything freezes, her mind
processing the information...
28B ...she rushes down the hallway towards the opening door and 28B
throws all her weight against it, violently slamming it back
shut on the person who was trying to get in. She double locks
the door. CLICK- CLACK.

After a beat to collect her wits, she looks through the
peephole and discovers: MARIA, her bag toppled over on the
floor, not understanding what has just happened...



THE SUBSTANCE - May 3rd 2022 - 31 -
...sc 28A


NewElisabeth’s thoughts are racing. NewElisabeth rummages
through her coat pocket, takes out her phone and writes a
text message.
28C She looks through the peephole. Ping. Maria takes out her 28C
cell phone and reads the message... frowns, looks surprised,
but finally picks up her things and leaves.

Relieved, NewElisabeth lets go of the peephole cover.
SHLICK...

28D INT. FRIDGE - DAY 28D

The fridge door opens. NewElisabeth puts in the tube
containing the six remaining doses of Stabilizer.

29 INT. LIVING ROOM - DAY 29

NewElisabeth, in panties and t-shirt, faces the picture
window overlooking the city.

She turns around and looks at the big framed photo of
Elisabeth hanging on the wall, frozen in her blue leotard and
imperturbable smile.

She goes to stand in the middle of the room.

A beat standing completely still.

Then, perfectly straight on her central axis, she starts
sliding her two legs apart... her feet slowly sliding in
opposite directions on the hardwood floor... even more, until
she is in a full split with what seems to be disconcerting
ease.

Her knee no longer troubles her in the least.

She then turns into a straddle split position and leans her
torso forward, easily reaching the floor with her nose, arms
extended.

LOW ANGLE SHOT of the poster of Elisabeth on the wall... soon
to be blocked out by NewElisabeth’s upper body reappearing in
the frame while she straightens back up.

She leans her torso to one side, making Elisabeth’s smiling
face reappear behind her... then returns to her central axis,
masking Elisabeth’s face again, before leaning over to the
other side... like a metronome covering and uncovering
Elisabeth’s image to the rhythm of her stretching routine.

A beat. And the her eyes fall upon the wastepaper basket with
the newspaper thrown by Elisabeth before.


30 OMITTED 30


THE SUBSTANCE - May 3rd 2022 - 32 -
...sc 31
Genres: ["Drama","Sci-Fi","Thriller"]

Summary In a tense night scene, NewElisabeth battles her physical and emotional turmoil, struggling to communicate and dealing with the remnants of her former self, the matrix. After a coughing fit leads to the expulsion of fluorescent yellow mucus, she tends to the matrix before stabilizing herself with an injection. When Maria unexpectedly arrives, NewElisabeth hurriedly prevents her entry, allowing her to focus on her own identity and practice her stretching routine in front of a photo of her former self.
Strengths
  • Effective use of visuals and sound to create atmosphere
  • Compelling exploration of transformation and identity
  • Strong emotional impact on the audience
Weaknesses
  • Minimal dialogue may limit character development
  • Some elements of the scene may be confusing without context

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively combines elements of drama, sci-fi, and thriller genres to create a compelling narrative. The transformation of the protagonist, the introduction of a mysterious kit, and the suspenseful encounter with Maria all contribute to a high rating.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of physical transformation through a mysterious substance is intriguing and well-developed in the scene. The introduction of the kit and the process of injecting the stabilizer add depth to the narrative.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene revolves around the protagonist's transformation and the discovery of the kit, moving the story forward while introducing new elements of mystery and suspense.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces unique elements such as the Stabilizer kit and the protagonist's transformation process, adding a fresh perspective to familiar themes of self-discovery and acceptance. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue enhances the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters, particularly the protagonist and Maria, are well-defined and contribute to the emotional and narrative depth of the scene. The protagonist's internal struggle and Maria's mysterious presence add layers to the story.

Character Changes: 9

The protagonist undergoes a significant transformation both physically and emotionally, leading to a split in her identity. This change is central to the scene and sets the stage for further development.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to come to terms with her new voice and physical changes. This reflects her deeper need for acceptance and understanding of herself in this transformed state.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to stabilize herself using the Stabilizer kit. This reflects the immediate challenge she faces in maintaining her physical and mental well-being.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict in the scene is primarily internal, as the protagonist grapples with her new identity and the implications of the transformation. The tension is heightened by the mysterious elements introduced.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the arrival of Maria creating a sense of danger and uncertainty for the protagonist. The audience is left wondering how she will handle this unexpected obstacle.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in the scene as the protagonist grapples with her new identity, the implications of the transformation, and the mysterious elements introduced through the kit and Maria.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing key plot points, deepening the mystery surrounding the protagonist's transformation, and setting up future conflicts and developments.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected arrival of Maria and the protagonist's quick thinking to protect herself. The tension and suspense keep the audience on edge.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the idea of self-acceptance and transformation. The protagonist must grapple with the changes she is undergoing and find a way to stabilize herself.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene has a strong emotional impact, evoking feelings of anxiety, hope, and confusion in the audience. The protagonist's journey of self-discovery and transformation resonates on a deep emotional level.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue in the scene is minimal but effective in conveying the emotions and intentions of the characters. The use of silence and visual cues enhances the atmosphere of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it combines moments of introspection with tense action, keeping the audience invested in the protagonist's journey and the mysterious world she inhabits.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a balance of introspective moments and action sequences that maintain tension and keep the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and easy to follow, with distinct transitions between different locations and actions. It adheres to the expected format for its genre.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows a clear progression from the protagonist's introspective moments to her actions with the Stabilizer kit, building tension and suspense effectively.


Critique
  • The scene effectively conveys NewElisabeth's struggle with her new identity and the physical and emotional turmoil she experiences. The use of guttural sounds and coughing fits serves as a visceral representation of her discomfort and disorientation, which is a strong choice for illustrating her internal conflict.
  • The transition from the kitchen to the bedroom and then to the bathroom is well-executed, creating a sense of claustrophobia and urgency. However, the pacing could be improved by tightening the transitions to maintain tension and keep the audience engaged.
  • The visual imagery, such as the fluorescent yellow mucus and the act of injecting herself with the stabilizer, is striking and effectively communicates the grotesque nature of her transformation. However, the scene could benefit from more sensory details to enhance the atmosphere, such as the sounds of the environment or the texture of the objects she interacts with.
  • The emotional stakes are high, but the scene could delve deeper into NewElisabeth's psychological state. Adding internal monologue or more physical reactions could help the audience connect with her feelings of fear and confusion.
  • The moment where NewElisabeth checks the matrix's breathing is poignant and highlights her nurturing side, but it could be more impactful if it were juxtaposed with her own feelings of vulnerability. This contrast could deepen the emotional resonance of the scene.
Suggestions
  • Consider incorporating more internal dialogue or thoughts from NewElisabeth to provide insight into her emotional state and enhance audience empathy.
  • Tighten the pacing of the transitions between locations to maintain a sense of urgency and keep the audience engaged.
  • Add more sensory details to the scene, such as sounds, smells, or tactile sensations, to create a richer atmosphere and immerse the audience in NewElisabeth's experience.
  • Explore the contrast between NewElisabeth's nurturing actions towards the matrix and her own feelings of fear and confusion to deepen the emotional impact of the scene.
  • Consider using visual motifs or symbols that recur throughout the screenplay to reinforce themes of identity and transformation, enhancing the overall cohesion of the narrative.



Scene 14 -  Transformation of Sue
31 EXT. STREET (ELISABETH AREA) - DAY 31

We follow NewElisabeth from behind, walking in the street.

Her mustard yellow coat pulled tightly around her waist, but
the coat is now too big for her new, thinner and slender
frame, giving her a shapeless silhouette.

Her step is unsteady, very much aware of all the surrounding
sensory stimuli. The air on her skin. The wind in her hair.
The sound of her steps on the pavement.

Everything seems sharper. Heightened.

CUT TO:

32 I/E. SHOP WINDOW / STREET - DAY 32

POV FROM INSIDE A STORE - NewElisabeth is standing in front
of a shop window and looking at something off screen.

We track back to gradually reveal ...

... THE PERFECT ASS OF A PLASTIC MANNEQUIN, molded in a
FLASHY PINK leotard and frozen in a sensual hip sway position
with its hand on its hip.

A moment on the mannequin’s perfect ass in the foreground...
then on NewElisabeth in the background who looks at her
plastic counterpart for a long moment... before disappearing
from the screen as she enters the shop.

33 EXT. STREET (SHOP EXIT) - DAY 33

We follow NewElisabeth again from behind as she walks down
the street, now wearing a pink and white varsity jacket, a
pleated miniskirt and white sneakers. A sports bag over her
shoulder.

Her long hair undulates in rhythm with her steps. Her walk is
now more assured, swaying.

And with this outfit, which highlights her new silhouette,
heads start to turn as she walks by...

34A EXT. STUDIO LOT - DAY 34A

Establishing shot.


34B OMITTED 34B




THE SUBSTANCE - May 3rd 2022 - 33 -
...sc 35

35 INT. DANCE STUDIO / CASTING ROOM - DAY 35

The slender legs of a girl in the foreground through which we
see a small desk in the background, where the CASTING
DIRECTOR and his ASSISTANT are sitting next to a small camera
on a tripod.

CASTING DIRECTOR
We’ll let you know by next week.

GIRL
Thank you so much... I’m just DYING
to get the part...

The legs walk off screen.

A moment of silence - wide shot. The two men behind their
desk like two frozen points.

ASSISTANT CASTING DIRECTOR
Great dancer.

A beat.

CASTING DIRECTOR
Too bad her boobs aren’t in the
middle of her face instead of that
nose.

A beat. Then the other guy gives a grunt of approval.

ASSISTANT CASTING DIRECTOR
NEXT!

Still focused on them, we hear the door that opens and
closes, footsteps...

The two men look up:

A beat where their faces are frozen, as if something took
their breath away... and the camera slowly pulls back to
reveal...

AN ASS, frozen in the same sexy sway, hand on her hip and
wearing the same FLASHY PINK LEOTARD as the mannequin in the
store window... except this time it’s a human ass.

NewElisabeth’s perfectly formed ass.

CASTING DIRECTOR
Looks like everything sure is in
the right place this time...

ASSISTANT CASTING DIRECTOR
Please say your
name/age/measurements

NewElisabeth is caught by surprise. Her mind goes blank.


THE SUBSTANCE - May 3rd 2022 - 34 -
...sc 35


ASSISTANT CASTING DIRECTOR (CONT’D)
(a little louder)
Name??

The camera travels up her long legs...

NEW-ELISABETH (O.S.)
I’m...

...spirals around her slender waist and keeps traveling along
the arch of her back...

CLOSE-UP ON THE ROUND, BLACK LENS OF THE SMALL DV CAMERA that
is staring right at her like a compound eye...

NEW-ELISABETH (O.S.) (CONT’D)
I’m...

(The little red dot flashes...)

...and the camera arrives on her face, her eyes sparkling as
she looks straight into the camera and says:



36 SUE 36

BACK TO THE DV IMAGE THAT FREEZES PAUSED ON SUE’S FACE

Something instantly happens on screen.

She has an incredible presence.

ZZZZZZZZZZ THE HANDICAM IMAGE REWINDS and PLAYS again in a
tighter shot on her magnetic face that pierces the screen.

SUE
I’m... SUE.

ZZZZZZZZZZ THE IMAGE REWINDS AGAIN AND GOES EVEN MORE TIGHT
ON HER SPARKLING EYES.

SUE (CONT’D)
...SUE.

ZZZZZZZZZZZ THE IMAGE REWINDS AND PLAYS EVEN CLOSER ON HER
LUSCIOUS, CURVED LIPS.

WHICH REPEAT - WITHOUT ANY SOUND THIS TIME

SUE (MUTE) (CONT’D)
...SUE...SUE...SUE...




THE SUBSTANCE - May 3rd 2022 - 35 -
...sc 37
Genres: ["Drama","Fantasy","Mystery"]

Summary In this empowering scene, NewElisabeth walks down the street in a loose mustard yellow coat, reflecting her insecurities. Captivated by a mannequin in a flashy pink leotard, she enters a shop and emerges in a pink and white varsity jacket and pleated miniskirt, exuding newfound confidence. Transitioning to a casting room, she surprises the casting director and assistant with her striking appearance, mirroring the mannequin's pose. Despite initial hesitation, she confidently introduces herself as 'Sue,' marking a significant step in her journey of self-acceptance.
Strengths
  • Mysterious atmosphere
  • Intriguing transformation element
  • Strong emotional impact
Weaknesses
  • Minimal dialogue
  • Some confusion in the casting room sequence

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively creates a mysterious and surreal atmosphere, keeping the audience engaged with the unexpected transformation of the main character and the introduction of a new identity.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of transformation and identity change is intriguing and well-executed, adding depth to the character and the overall storyline.

Plot: 8

The plot progresses effectively with the introduction of the transformation element, adding a new layer of complexity to the main character's journey.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh perspective on themes of self-image, identity, and objectification, with a focus on visual storytelling and character development. The dialogue and actions feel authentic and engaging, offering a unique take on familiar tropes.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are engaging, especially the main character undergoing the transformation, adding depth and mystery to the scene.

Character Changes: 9

The main character undergoes a significant change, both physically and emotionally, leading to a compelling character arc.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to assert her newfound confidence and identity through her appearance and performance. This reflects her deeper need for validation and acceptance.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to impress the casting directors and secure a role in the dance studio. This reflects the immediate challenge she is facing in the audition process.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict is subtle but present, mainly revolving around the internal struggle of the main character facing a new identity.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist facing external challenges and societal pressures that test her confidence and self-worth, adding complexity and depth to the narrative.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high for the main character as she grapples with a new identity and the consequences of her transformation.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing a key transformation element that will impact the main character's journey.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twist with the human mannequin and the protagonist's surprising response, adding a layer of intrigue and tension to the narrative.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around societal standards of beauty and objectification. The casting directors' comments highlight the superficiality and sexism present in the entertainment industry, challenging the protagonist's values and self-worth.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene evokes a strong emotional response through the main character's transformation and the uncertainty surrounding her new identity.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue is minimal but impactful, focusing on key moments of revelation and character interaction.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its emotional depth, character development, and visual storytelling. The audience is drawn into the protagonist's journey and struggles, rooting for her success.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and emotional depth, with a gradual escalation of stakes and character dynamics leading to a climactic moment of self-realization.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene adheres to the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings, descriptions, and dialogue formatting that enhance readability and visual storytelling.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear and engaging structure, with a gradual build-up of tension and emotional depth leading to a climactic moment of self-realization for the protagonist.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures NewElisabeth's transformation and newfound confidence, contrasting her previous vulnerability. The use of sensory details, such as the heightened awareness of her surroundings, adds depth to her experience, making the audience feel her transformation.
  • The visual imagery of the mannequin and NewElisabeth's reflection on her own body is powerful, symbolizing her insecurities and aspirations. However, the transition from the mannequin to her new outfit could be more pronounced to emphasize the significance of this change.
  • The dialogue is minimal, which works well in this context, allowing the visuals to take center stage. However, the moment where NewElisabeth is caught off guard in the casting room could benefit from a more explicit internal conflict or thought process to enhance her character development.
  • The casting director's comments about the previous girl and the focus on NewElisabeth's physicality highlight the superficial nature of the industry, but this could be further explored to deepen the critique of societal beauty standards. The casting director's line about the girl's nose feels a bit on-the-nose and could be more subtly integrated.
  • The scene ends on a strong note with NewElisabeth introducing herself as 'Sue,' marking a significant moment of identity transformation. However, the buildup to this moment could be enhanced by showing more of her internal struggle or hesitation before she confidently states her new name.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief internal monologue or thought process for NewElisabeth as she looks at the mannequin, reflecting on her insecurities and desires. This could create a stronger emotional connection with the audience.
  • Enhance the transition from the mannequin to NewElisabeth's new outfit by incorporating a moment of realization or decision-making, emphasizing her acceptance of her new identity.
  • Revisit the casting director's dialogue to ensure it feels organic and not overly explicit. Subtlety can often convey a stronger message about societal pressures and beauty standards.
  • Explore the casting room's atmosphere further, perhaps by including reactions from other characters to NewElisabeth's entrance, which could heighten the tension and anticipation of her transformation.
  • Consider adding a moment of hesitation or doubt before NewElisabeth introduces herself as 'Sue,' which could add complexity to her character and make her eventual confidence feel more earned.



Scene 15 -  The Offer
37 INT. HARVEY’S OFFICE - DAY 37

The shot widens and we discover that we are now in a large
office where the CLOSE-UP IMAGE OF SUE’S LIPS is multiplied
on a wall of screens.

Sue is standing in the middle of the room while we hear a
thundering voice from afar:

HARVEY (O.S.)
WHERE IS SHE ??... WHERE IS SHE ??!

Harvey charges into the room, followed by THREE YOUNG MEN IN
SUITS, and stops dead in his tracks... his eyes bright...
ecstatic as if in front of a mystical revelation:

HARVEY (CONT’D)
WHAT...

He takes her hand and makes her spin slowly like a small
figurine.

HARVEY (CONT’D)
...A GORGEOUS...

Makes her sit facing his desk.

HARVEY (CONT’D)
...LITTLE ANGEL.

He flops into his huge leather armchair behind his desk.

HARVEY (CONT’D)
Why on earth did nobody tell me
earlier about your existence? A lot
of people are going to get fired
for that believe me...

Sue, laughing flirtatiously... cheerfully soaks up the
compliments, savoring all this new flattering attention
surrounding her.

Harvey lights a cigarette. EXTREME CLOSE-UP on the flame
which sets the tobacco ablaze like a furnace.

HARVEY (CONT’D)
I’ll be brief.

He snaps his Zippo lighter shut - CLING!

HARVEY (CONT’D)
Primo: you’re hired.

A puff of smoke exhaled from his mouth.




THE SUBSTANCE - May 3rd 2022 - 36 -
...sc 37


HARVEY (CONT’D)
Segundo: we want something in your
image: BEAUTIFUL and HAPPY. People
want to be happy.

The embers of his cigarette light up again.

HARVEY (CONT’D)
Tertio : We’re airing in two weeks.
So let’s get to work. I’ll let you
organize everything else with my
assistant....
(he snaps his fingers
several times, as if
trying to remember her
name)
...

A voice echoes off screen.

FEMALE VOICE (O.S.)
Isabella.

The camera pans quickly towards ISABELLA (25/30) who is
totally silent...then quickly pans back towards Harvey

HARVEY
(frowning, as if suddenly
disturbed)
...?......? Huh? I don’t have time
for that! Let’s make it Cindy. It’s
shorter. Better. I’ll let you
organize everything else with
Cindy.

As he’s about to get up, Sue holds him back with a gesture.

SUE
Oh... before you go...

HARVEY
Yes princess?

SUE
I just have to mention... a small
scheduling issue.

Harvey's eyes change slightly...

SUE (CONT’D)
I will need to be out of town every
other week...
(a beat)
...to take care of my mother who’s
very sick.

Harvey looks at her fixedly:



THE SUBSTANCE - May 3rd 2022 - 37 -
...sc 37


HARVEY
Listen to me very carefully ‘cause
I don’t think you’ve heard me.

He comes over right next to her face, speaking very slowly:

HARVEY (CONT’D)
I WANT YOU for this show. So we’ll
organize around whatever mother,
brother, fucking sick dog or rabbit
you need to take care of.

He stands and stares at her, his eyes sparkling.

HARVEY (CONT’D)
Gorgeous and with a pure heart.
People are gonna LOVE that!

He crushes his cigarette out in the big crystal ashtray.
HISSSSSSS

MONTAGE SEQUENCE BEGINS to RUNAROUND SUE by Dion blasting at
top volume:
Genres: ["Drama","Romance"]

Summary In Harvey's opulent office, he excitedly meets Sue, captivated by her beauty and eager to hire her for his show. Despite her concerns about caring for her sick mother, Harvey insists on her availability, showcasing his charismatic yet domineering personality. As he struggles to remember his assistant's name, the tension between Sue's personal obligations and Harvey's demands becomes evident. The scene culminates in a montage set to 'Runaround Sue,' signaling a shift in tone.
Strengths
  • Strong character dynamics
  • Compelling dialogue
  • High stakes
Weaknesses
  • Potential lack of clarity on Sue's decision-making process

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene is well-structured, with a clear purpose of introducing a pivotal moment in the story where Sue's fate is decided by Harvey. The execution is strong, with compelling dialogue and character interactions.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a job offer with hidden conditions adds depth to the scene and sets up future conflicts and character development.

Plot: 8.5

The plot progresses significantly in this scene as Sue is offered a job that will impact her future. The stakes are raised, and new conflicts are introduced.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on the power dynamics in a high-pressure office environment, with a focus on personal values and family responsibilities. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and engaging.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters of Harvey and Sue are well-developed in this scene, with clear motivations and conflicting desires. Their interactions drive the tension and drama of the scene.

Character Changes: 8

Sue undergoes a significant change in this scene as she is offered a job that will impact her future. Her decision to accept or reject the offer will shape her character arc.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to assert her independence and prioritize her family responsibilities while navigating a new job opportunity. This reflects her deeper need for personal fulfillment and balance in her life.

External Goal: 7.5

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to secure a job opportunity and impress the powerful figure of Harvey. She must navigate his expectations and demands while also addressing her personal circumstances.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8.5

The conflict in the scene is high, as Harvey offers Sue a job with hidden conditions, creating tension and uncertainty for her future.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Harvey's imposing presence and demands creating a significant obstacle for the protagonist to overcome. The audience is left uncertain about how she will navigate this challenge.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in this scene as Sue is offered a job that could change her life, but with hidden conditions and potential consequences.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward significantly by introducing a new job opportunity for Sue and setting up future conflicts and character development.

Unpredictability: 8.5

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists in the dialogue and the shifting power dynamics between the characters. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of how the scene will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the clash between personal values and professional expectations. Harvey prioritizes success and image, while the protagonist values family and personal integrity.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from excitement to concern, as Sue navigates the high-stakes job offer from Harvey.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is sharp and impactful, revealing the power dynamics between Harvey and Sue. It adds depth to their characters and advances the plot.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the dynamic interactions between the characters, the high stakes involved, and the sense of mystery surrounding the protagonist's past and motivations.

Pacing: 8.5

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a gradual build-up of tension and conflict leading to a dramatic climax. The rhythm of the dialogue and character movements enhances the effectiveness of the scene.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and follows the expected format for a screenplay, with proper scene headings and character actions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a traditional structure for a dramatic confrontation, with escalating tension and a clear resolution. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the effectiveness of the scene.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the excitement and superficiality of the entertainment industry through Harvey's over-the-top enthusiasm for Sue. However, the dialogue can feel a bit clichéd and lacks depth, making it hard for the audience to connect with the characters on a more emotional level.
  • Harvey's character comes off as a caricature of a sleazy producer, which can detract from the realism of the scene. While this may be intentional, adding layers to his character could create a more nuanced dynamic between him and Sue.
  • The use of visual elements, such as the wall of screens displaying Sue's lips, is striking and serves to emphasize her objectification. However, the scene could benefit from more varied visual descriptions to enhance the atmosphere and provide a clearer sense of the office's opulence and the power dynamics at play.
  • Sue's reaction to Harvey's compliments feels somewhat one-dimensional. While she is portrayed as flattered, exploring her internal conflict about her new identity and the implications of her relationship with Harvey could add depth to her character.
  • The pacing of the scene is brisk, which works well for the high-energy environment, but it may rush through important character moments. Allowing for pauses or reactions could enhance the tension and give the audience time to absorb the implications of the dialogue.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more subtext to the dialogue, allowing for moments where Sue's discomfort or internal conflict about her new role can shine through, even amidst the flattery.
  • Introduce a moment where Sue hesitates or shows vulnerability in response to Harvey's advances, which could create a more complex character dynamic and highlight her struggle with her identity.
  • Enhance the visual descriptions of the office setting to reflect the power dynamics and the superficiality of the entertainment industry, perhaps by describing the decor or the way the lighting plays off the screens.
  • Incorporate a brief moment of silence or a reaction shot after Harvey's more intense lines to allow the weight of his words to settle, giving the audience a chance to feel the tension in the room.
  • Explore the relationship between Sue and Isabella (the assistant) further, perhaps by having Isabella react to the conversation or show signs of discomfort, which could add another layer to the scene.



Scene 16 -  Embracing Transformation
38 EXT. STREET (FULL GLAM & POP) - DAY 38

SUE FROM BEHIND WALKING DOWN THE STREET - there is a full
assurance in her swaying gait, she exudes a newfound
confidence. Heads turn outright as she passes by.

39A INT. FRIDGE/KITCHEN - DAY 39A

VIEW FROM INSIDE THE FRIDGE - the door opens revealing the
puncture syringe and five vials - Sue’s hand grabs it.

39B INT. BATHROOM 39B

SUE’S HANDS UNCLIP A NEW VIAL from the syringe barrel and
SWIK! She gives herself an intramuscular injection in the
thigh.

CLACK the empty vial falls into the trash can where there are
now 4 other empty vials.

40 INT. LIVING ROOM 40

SUE’S HAND SIGNING “Elisabeth” on a note where we can read:
Had to go abroad unexpectedly... this will cover the rest of
the year... thank you for everything...”. Sitting at the
kitchen table, Sue puts the note and cash in an envelope on
which she writes: MARIA




THE SUBSTANCE - May 3rd 2022 - 38 -
...sc 41A

41A INT. WALK-IN CLOSET - DAY 41A

POV FROM INSIDE A WALK-IN CLOSET/SHLACK! ELISABETH’S WHOLE
WARDROBE IS PUSHED TO EITHER SIDE OF THE CLOSET IN ONE SHARP
GESTURE, revealing Sue in the middle, who hangs up her new,
brightly colored clothing.

41B INT. BEDROOM. DAY 41B

SUE’S MANICURED HAND unwraps a new phone. She chooses LOUIS
PRIMA - When you’re smiling - for the ringtone, and puts the
PINK telephone down next to Elisabeth’s GOLD phone.

42 INT. APARTMENT CORRIDOR / LANDING. DAY 42

POV THROUGH THE PEEPHOLE looking out the front door: MARIA
reads the note and looks at the cash in the envelope.
SUE’S MANICURED FINGER lets the peephole cover fall back
down. SHLICK.

43 INT. BEDROOM. DAY 43

A BEDSHEET MADE OF POWDER PINK SATIN, flies above the bed,
replacing the previous white cotton sheet. The shimmering
fabric slowly falls back down towards the camera as Sue lets
herself fall back against the powder pink satin which looks
like the inside of a jewelry box.

TOP SHOT which tracks up Sue’s feet... legs... belly... in
OVERLAY THE GRADATIONS MARKED ON THE I.V BAG, which is slowly
emptying... while the music progressively fades until it is
no longer heard.

CUT TO:

44 INT. LIVING ROOM - NIGHT 44

An ORANGE AND GOLDEN DRAGON BREATHES OUT a gigantic flame.

The frame widens and we discover it’s an embroidery on the
back of a silk dressing gown worn by Sue; we see her from
behind, facing the picture window looking at the city’s
lights.

In the middle of the room plunged in darkness, the dragon
seems to be glowing as if symbolizing her newfound strength
and soaring ascent.

A slight tinnitus starts buzzing in her ears...




THE SUBSTANCE - May 3rd 2022 - 39 -
...sc 45
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller","Sci-Fi"]

Summary Sue confidently navigates her day, showcasing her newfound self-assurance as she prepares for an unexpected trip abroad. After administering an injection, she leaves a note for Elisabeth and cash for Maria, symbolizing her independence. As she organizes her closet with vibrant clothes and changes her bedsheets to powder pink satin, the scene captures her emotional journey. Dressed in a silk gown with dragon embroidery, Sue gazes out at the city lights at night, embodying her strength and transformation, while the sound of tinnitus begins to echo her internal struggle.
Strengths
  • Strong emotional impact
  • Intriguing concept of transformation
  • Compelling character development
Weaknesses
  • Minimal dialogue may limit character interaction

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys a sense of mystery, emotional depth, and transformation, keeping the audience engaged and intrigued throughout.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of transformation through a mysterious substance is intriguing and well-developed, adding depth and complexity to the character's journey.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene focuses on the transformation of the character and moves the story forward by introducing new challenges and opportunities for growth.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh approach to the theme of deception and control, with the use of symbolic imagery and sensory descriptions to convey the protagonist's internal struggles. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-developed, especially the main character Elisabeth/Sue, whose transformation drives the emotional core of the scene.

Character Changes: 9

The transformation of the main character from Elisabeth to Sue is a significant change that drives the emotional and narrative arc of the scene.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to maintain her newfound confidence and sense of control. This reflects her deeper need for independence and power, as well as her fear of losing the lifestyle she has created for herself.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to cover up her sudden departure and maintain the facade of her previous life. This reflects the immediate challenge of keeping up appearances and avoiding suspicion.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict in the scene is internal, focusing on the character's struggle with identity and self-acceptance.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create tension and conflict, but not overwhelming to the point of overshadowing the protagonist's actions and decisions. The audience is left unsure of how the situation will unfold.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high for the character as she undergoes a profound transformation that will impact her identity and future.

Story Forward: 8

The scene effectively moves the story forward by introducing a major transformation for the main character and setting up new challenges and opportunities.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected actions and decisions made by the protagonist, as well as the symbolic imagery and sensory descriptions that add layers of meaning to the narrative.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

There is a philosophical conflict between the protagonist's desire for freedom and control, and the consequences of her actions. The use of drugs and deception raises questions about morality and the price of maintaining a certain lifestyle.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, drawing the audience into the character's journey of self-discovery and transformation.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue is minimal but effective in conveying the emotions and motivations of the characters, adding depth to the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its rich sensory details, symbolic imagery, and the protagonist's internal struggles. The reader is drawn into the mystery and complexity of the character's actions, creating a sense of intrigue and suspense.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is well-balanced, with a gradual build-up of tension and suspense leading to a climactic moment. The rhythm of the scene enhances the emotional impact and keeps the reader engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is well-executed, with clear scene headings, action lines, and dialogue formatting. The use of visual cues and sensory descriptions adds to the immersive quality of the scene.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows a clear progression of actions and events, leading to a climactic moment that reveals the protagonist's inner conflict. The formatting is consistent with the genre and enhances the overall impact of the scene.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures Sue's transformation and newfound confidence, but it could benefit from deeper emotional resonance. While the visuals are strong, the internal conflict and emotional stakes could be more pronounced to enhance the audience's connection to Sue's journey.
  • The use of visual metaphors, such as the dragon on the silk gown symbolizing strength, is a nice touch. However, the scene could further explore how these symbols relate to Sue's internal struggles and aspirations, providing a clearer narrative thread.
  • The transition between the various settings (street, kitchen, bathroom, living room) feels somewhat abrupt. A smoother transition or a more cohesive flow between these locations could enhance the pacing and maintain the audience's engagement.
  • The dialogue is minimal, which works for the tone of the scene, but incorporating some internal monologue or voiceover could provide insight into Sue's thoughts and feelings, enriching the narrative and character development.
  • The scene's tone shifts from a confident exterior to an underlying tension with the tinnitus sound at the end. This is effective, but it could be foreshadowed earlier in the scene to create a more cohesive emotional arc.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief internal monologue or voiceover that reflects Sue's thoughts about her transformation and the implications of her actions, which would deepen the audience's understanding of her character.
  • Enhance the transitions between settings by using visual or auditory cues that connect them thematically, such as a recurring motif in the music or sound design that reflects Sue's emotional state.
  • Explore the significance of the dragon embroidery further by having Sue reflect on its meaning or how it relates to her journey, perhaps through a moment of self-affirmation or a flashback that ties her past struggles to her current confidence.
  • Introduce a moment of vulnerability or doubt in the scene, perhaps through a fleeting expression or gesture, to create a more complex portrayal of Sue's character and to set up future conflicts.
  • Consider using more dynamic camera movements or angles to emphasize Sue's confidence as she walks down the street, which could visually reinforce her transformation and the attention she draws from others.



Scene 17 -  The Sacrifice
45 INT. BATHROOM - EVENING 45

On the floor, the last drops of liquid are sucked from the
matrix’s perfusion bag.

On the bathroom cabinet shelf, the syringe’s
compartmentalized barrel is now empty, the seven vials have
been used.

Sue looks at herself in the mirror.

It’s time...

She takes the pipe marked SWITCH and looks at the card that
reads:

YOU SWITCH

every seven day no matter what

She takes off her bathrobe and kneels next to Elisabeth.

She looks at her for a while... She unclips the empty IV bag
from the intravenous tubing... clips on the end of the small
pipe instead... and sticks the needle at the other end of the
pipe into her own arm.

She’s a little nervous...

She waits... lightly twists and turns the needle inside her
arm... After a short moment, blood starts to run through the
transparent nozzle on one side, and then the other; blood
starts to circulate between the two bodies.

Little by little, her vision blurs. As if life were leaving
her body. As if she could feel the cold void of emptiness
invade and overwhelm her. As if the world were losing its
colors. And life its very spark.

All of a sudden, everything starts to distort HORRIBLY, her
vision blurs, a HIGH-PITCHED buzzing noise blasts her
eardrums and...

SMACK! THE TWO BLU TACK BALLS SLAMMED ONE AGAINST THE OTHER

WHAM! She collapses head first.

BLACK


46 MOTORCYCLE IMAGERY 46

A beat of silence over a black screen.




THE SUBSTANCE - May 3rd 2022 - 40 -
...sc 46


Then THE BLACK STARTS SHAKING, BECOMING A DIRTY GRAINY AND
UNSTABLE IMAGE - where a tiny dot starts quivering in the far
background at the center of the screen while a very weak beat
starts echoing: Ba boom……ba boom……ba boom…

The small dot grows bigger and bigger... until it takes the
shape of a ghostly motorcycle, like a photographic negative,
which hurtles straight towards the camera lens... the only
audible sound is the heartbeat, growing louder... Ba boom...
ba boom... ba boom... the motorcycle hurtles DIRECTLY AT THE
CAMERA at full speed BaBoommBaBoom AND IS ON THE
VERGE OF EXPLODING AGAINST THE SCREE...

47 INT. BATHROOM - NIGHT 47

... and AHAAAAAAAAA! ELISABETH WAKES UP with a start, in her
old body, lying on the bathroom floor!

She starts coughing uncontrollably. Like a fish straight out
of the water whose gills have difficulty functioning.

Sue’s lifeless body has collapsed right on top of her, which
prevents Elisabeth from breathing. She tries several times
before finally being able to make her roll over. Elisabeth
stays in place for a moment, trying to catch her breath.

She removes the small pipe from her arm and gets up with
difficulty.

She staggers abruptly as if her muscles were weakened. She
regains her balance at the very last moment and leans against
the sink.

She looks at her reflection in the mirror. She looks like a
trainwreck. Her mouth is sticky and dry. Her eyelashes are
stuck together. She rubs her painful knee and just stands
there for a moment, head hanging down.

She twists and turns to look at the scar on her back. The
stitches outline a long gash going down her spinal column
from her neck all the way to her tailbone.

She puts on her bathrobe. Tightens the belt around her waist.

She's freezing. As if she were awakening from a heroin shot.

She looks down at Sue's body on the floor.

So young.

So perfect.

It's the first time that she sees her – that she sees
HERSELF... from the outside.



THE SUBSTANCE - May 3rd 2022 - 41 -
...sc 47


She takes the second IV bag (FOOD / OTHER SELF) from the
small bathroom cabinet and sticks it into Sue’s arm.

She heads out towards the corridor.

CUT TO:

48 INT. KITCHEN - NIGHT 48

SIZZZZZZZZZZZZ - TWO raw eggs plopped into a frying pan.

Elisabeth makes something to eat. She’s super hungry.

The hot oil in the pan makes a deafening sound.

The two egg yolks sizzling next to one another feel like a
strange reminder.

The silent apartment is plunged in darkness.

FROM THE LONG DARK HALLWAY with the doorframe at the very end
leading to the bathroom - we see Sue’s body lying inertly on
the tile floor.

IN THE KITCHEN - Elisabeth eats avidly as if to restore an
energy balance.

Long silence. Only the small humming noise from the fridge.

In comparison to the energy she had before when she was Sue,
everything now seems very silent and surrounded by a sluggish
cloud.

BLACK

FADE IN:

49 INT. LIVING ROOM - DAY 49

THE STILL LIVING ROOM BATHED IN SUNLIGHT, with the big poster
of Elisabeth in her blue leotard and imperturbable smile.

50 INT. SHOWER - DAY 50

HISSSSSSSSSSSSS THE POWERFUL JET OF WATER STREAMING DOWN THE
LARGE STITCHES like thorns along Elisabeth’s spinal column.

51 INT. KITCHEN - DAY 51

Elisabeth in her bathrobe at the kitchen table sifts through
the mail where she finds a new white envelope.

She opens it and takes out a big white note card on which is
written:


THE SUBSTANCE - May 3rd 2022 - 42 -
...sc 51


We hope you are enjoying your experience with
THE SUBSTANCE
Your two week refill kit has been delivered
to your deposit box

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Drama","Sci-Fi"]

Summary In a tense and somber bathroom scene, Sue prepares to switch her life force with Elisabeth using an IV setup. As Sue's vision blurs and she collapses, the scene transitions to Elisabeth waking up beneath Sue's lifeless body. Struggling to breathe, she rolls Sue off and examines her reflection, noting her disheveled appearance and a scar on her back. After putting on a bathrobe, she connects another IV bag to Sue before leaving the bathroom, grappling with the aftermath of the life-altering switch.
Strengths
  • Compelling concept of transformation
  • Strong emotional impact
  • Well-defined characters
Weaknesses
  • Minimal dialogue
  • Limited external conflict

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene is well-crafted with a compelling concept of transformation and self-discovery. The execution is strong, creating a sense of tension and mystery. The design effectively conveys the emotional and physical changes experienced by the character.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of physical transformation and self-realization is intriguing and well-developed. It adds depth to the character and drives the narrative forward.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene revolves around the transformation of the character, Elisabeth, into a younger version of herself named Sue. This plot point is crucial for character development and sets the stage for future events.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh and original concept of body-switching with a dark and dystopian twist. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and contribute to the authenticity of the world.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters of Elisabeth and Sue are well-defined, with Elisabeth experiencing a significant transformation both physically and emotionally. The scene effectively showcases the internal conflict and growth of the character.

Character Changes: 9

Elisabeth experiences a significant character change through her transformation into Sue. This moment marks a turning point in her journey of self-discovery and acceptance.

Internal Goal: 8

Sue's internal goal is to complete the body-switching process and survive the physical and emotional toll it takes on her. This reflects her fear of losing herself and her desire to maintain her youth and vitality.

External Goal: 7

Sue's external goal is to successfully switch bodies with Elisabeth and continue the process without any complications. This reflects the immediate challenge she faces in maintaining her physical appearance and youth.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The scene contains internal conflict as Elisabeth grapples with her physical transformation and the implications of her new identity. The tension is heightened by the uncertainty and mystery surrounding the substance.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Sue facing physical and emotional obstacles in her quest to switch bodies with Elisabeth. The audience is kept on edge by the uncertainty of the outcome.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high as Elisabeth grapples with her physical transformation and the implications of her new identity. The scene sets up a crucial moment in the character's journey.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing a key plot point - Elisabeth's transformation into Sue. This event sets the stage for further developments and challenges for the character.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the sudden and unexpected twists in the body-switching process, as well as the dark and mysterious elements that keep the audience guessing.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the ethical implications of body-switching and the consequences of tampering with one's identity and physical form. It challenges Sue's beliefs about the value of youth and beauty versus the cost of sacrificing her true self.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes a strong emotional response as Elisabeth undergoes a dramatic physical and emotional transformation. The sense of desperation and self-realization is palpable.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue in the scene is minimal but impactful, focusing on the physical actions and emotional reactions of the character. It effectively conveys the internal struggle and transformation.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense and suspenseful atmosphere, as well as the high stakes involved in the body-switching process. The reader is drawn into the characters' struggles and the unfolding mystery.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a gradual build-up of tension and suspense leading to a climactic moment of revelation and shock.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and easy to follow, with distinct visual cues and transitions between different locations and moments.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows a clear progression of events, building tension and suspense effectively. It maintains a cohesive narrative flow.


Critique
  • The scene effectively conveys a sense of urgency and desperation as Sue prepares to switch her life force with Elisabeth. The physical actions of connecting the IV and the emotional weight of the moment are well depicted, creating tension and anticipation.
  • The use of sensory details, such as the blurring vision and the high-pitched buzzing noise, immerses the audience in Sue's experience, effectively illustrating the physical and emotional toll of the switch. However, the transition to the motorcycle imagery feels abrupt and somewhat disjointed from the preceding emotional climax, which may confuse the audience.
  • Elisabeth's awakening is visceral and impactful, showcasing her struggle for breath and the stark contrast between her current state and Sue's lifeless body. This moment serves as a powerful visual metaphor for the consequences of their actions, but it could benefit from more internal reflection from Elisabeth as she processes her new reality.
  • The dialogue is minimal, which works well in this tense moment, but adding a few internal thoughts or brief spoken words could enhance the emotional depth and provide insight into Elisabeth's mindset as she grapples with her situation.
  • The visual imagery of the bathroom and the stark contrast between the two bodies is compelling, but the scene could benefit from more descriptive language to heighten the emotional stakes and the physicality of the characters' conditions.
Suggestions
  • Consider refining the transition to the motorcycle imagery to maintain the emotional intensity of the moment. Perhaps use a more gradual shift or a clearer thematic connection to the characters' experiences.
  • Incorporate Elisabeth's internal thoughts or brief dialogue as she awakens, allowing the audience to connect more deeply with her emotional state and the gravity of the situation.
  • Enhance the descriptive language throughout the scene to create a more vivid picture of the characters' physical and emotional conditions, particularly in the moments leading up to and following the switch.
  • Explore the use of sound design in the scene to further amplify the tension and emotional weight, particularly during the moments of blurring vision and the high-pitched noise.
  • Consider adding a moment of reflection for Elisabeth after she stabilizes Sue, allowing her to process the implications of her actions and the reality of her situation before moving on to the next scene.



Scene 18 -  Scars of Departure
52 INT. BATHROOM - DAY 52

Facing the bathroom mirror, Elisabeth twists and turns to
look at the stitches on her back:

The scar tissue has healed. She picks up the surgical pliers
and starts to extract the sutures (slightly painful and
uncomfortable). She twists with difficulty and tries to grab
the stitches one by one.

In the white sink, the black thread looks like spider legs.
She gathers it all, and throws the threads in the trash can.

She puts scarring cream on the long pink scar.

A phone starts ringing. We follow Elisabeth as she walks
towards the bedroom.

53 INT. BEDROOM - DAY 53

A short beat as she sees the name of the person calling on
the phone: HARVEY. She sits down on the bed and picks up the
phone taking on a confident voice.

ELISABETH
Hel...

HARVEY (V.O.)
I need you to come back.

Elisabeth straightens slightly all of a sudden. A fleeting
glow appears in her eyes.

HARVEY (V.O.)
To empty your office. Whenever you
want, no rush. This afternoon?
(without waiting for her
to answer)
Great, See you then!

He hangs up.

A beat on Elisabeth who remains seated on the bed, the big,
pink scar covering her back.

54 OMITTED 54


THE SUBSTANCE - May 3rd 2022 - 43 -
...sc 55

55 EXT. STREET (ELISABETH AREA) - DAY 55

Clack clack clack The sound of heels clicking on the
pavement.

We follow Elisabeth from behind as she walks, wearing her
mustard yellow coat.

She pulls up her coat collar several times to make sure the
scar isn’t visible.

Everything seems more aggressive. The noise of the cars
higher pitched. People are even more in a hurry.

No one turns around as she walks by.

Lost in her thoughts.

56A EXT. STUDIO LOT - DAY 56A

Establishing shot.


56B OMITTED 56B


57 INT. STUDIO / BACKSTAGE CORRIDOR - DAY 57

Close up on Elisabeth staring fixedly at something off
screen.

From the reverse angle we see it’s the long backstage.

All her photos which once hung like trophies have since been
taken down.

A beat on the long corridor, which now seems stark naked.

Harvey appears at the other end, striding towards her,
carrying a big cardboard box in his hands.

HARVEY
Aaaaahh, there's she is!!! Where
have you been??! We wanted to all
have a drink for your departure -
something big to mark the occasion.

He dumps the box into her arms.

HARVEY (CONT’D)
Anyway, I’ve gathered everything
for you, to save time. And we all
chipped in...
(proudly taking a wrapped
gift out of the box)
...we bought you just a little
something to keep you busy...
(MORE)

THE SUBSTANCE - May 3rd 2022 - 44 -
...sc 57
HARVEY (CONT’D)
You’ll open it at home. It’s
French. My wife swears by it!
(looking at his watch)
Oops! I’ve got to run! But come and
visit whenever you like! We’ll
always be happy to see you!

His excess of enthusiasm stresses the fact that he wants to
get rid of her as soon as possible.

And before she even has time to answer, he has already left
and disappeared down the hallway.

Elisabeth finds herself standing silently alone on the grey
rug that runs down the middle of the empty corridor.

Glug glug glug...

The water fountain right behind her gurgles... as if to
stress how pathetic the whole situation really is...

58A EXT. STREET (STUDIO AREA) - DAY 58A

Elisabeth walking with a slightly more stressed step.

58B EXT. STREET (LESS NICE STREET) - DAY 58B

Elisabeth, still walking, her surroundings are a lot less
pleasant.

58C OMITTED 58C


58D INT. DEPOSIT CORRIDOR - DAY 58D

Elisabeth goes down the long narrow corridor

59 INT. DEPOSIT LOBBY - DAY 59

She waves her card over box 503, BEEP.



60 INT. BATHROOM - DAY 60

Sue’s figure lying still on the tile in the darkness.

After a moment, Elisabeth walks into the bathroom and
switches on the light.

She steps over Sue and puts a new small cardboard box on the
sink. She opens it to find: two new IV bags and seven new
empty vials clipped together.


THE SUBSTANCE - May 3rd 2022 - 45 -
...sc 60


She puts them away in the bathroom cabinet and closes the
mirrored door where she sees her reflection staring back at
her.

She looks at Sue lying on the floor.

And the IV bag indicating that there are still 4 more days to
go...
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary Elisabeth grapples with the physical and emotional aftermath of her surgery as she removes stitches from her back and contemplates her scar. A phone call from Harvey brings a fleeting sense of hope, prompting her to return to the office to collect her belongings. However, upon arriving at the studio, Harvey's forced enthusiasm for her departure deepens her feelings of isolation. The scene culminates with Elisabeth feeling abandoned in an empty corridor, underscored by the sound of a gurgling water fountain.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Symbolism
  • Character development
Weaknesses
  • Limited dialogue
  • Slow pacing in some parts

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys Elisabeth's internal struggle and growth through her actions and surroundings. The emotional depth and tension are palpable, drawing the audience into her journey.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of Elisabeth grappling with her past and present self, symbolized by the scar and the transformation process, is intriguing and thought-provoking. It adds layers to her character and the overall story.

Plot: 8

The plot progression in this scene focuses on Elisabeth's internal journey and the aftermath of a significant event. It moves the story forward by revealing her emotional state and setting up potential conflicts.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh perspective on themes of healing and moving on, with authentic character interactions and realistic dialogue.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

Elisabeth is the central character in this scene, and her complex emotions and actions drive the narrative. The scene effectively showcases her vulnerability, strength, and inner turmoil.

Character Changes: 8

Elisabeth undergoes significant emotional and physical changes in this scene, symbolized by her actions and the scar on her back. She confronts her past and begins to accept and embrace her new reality.

Internal Goal: 8

Elisabeth's internal goal is to come to terms with her physical and emotional scars, symbolized by the scar on her back and her interactions with Harvey.

External Goal: 7

Elisabeth's external goal is to empty her office and move on from her current job, as indicated by Harvey's phone call.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict in the scene is more internal and emotional, as Elisabeth grapples with her past trauma and current circumstances. The tension arises from her inner struggles and the uncertainty of her future.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create conflict and challenge Elisabeth's decisions, keeping the audience engaged.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are high for Elisabeth as she navigates her physical and emotional transformation, facing her past trauma and uncertain future. The outcome of her journey will have a significant impact on her life.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by delving into Elisabeth's internal journey and setting up potential conflicts and resolutions. It adds depth to her character and sets the stage for future developments.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected phone call from Harvey and Elisabeth's conflicted reactions.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The scene explores themes of identity, loss, and resilience, challenging Elisabeth's beliefs about her career and personal growth.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes a strong emotional response from the audience, as they empathize with Elisabeth's pain, resilience, and self-discovery. The poignant moments and symbolism enhance the emotional impact.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue in the scene is minimal but impactful, conveying the necessary information and emotions. It serves the purpose of advancing the plot and revealing Elisabeth's internal struggles.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its emotional depth, character development, and suspenseful plot developments.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene builds tension effectively, with a balance of introspective moments and external action.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene is well-formatted and easy to follow, adhering to industry standards for screenplay formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with a buildup of tension and emotional resolution, fitting the expected format for its genre.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures Elisabeth's physical and emotional state as she grapples with her scar and the aftermath of her transformation. The use of surgical pliers to remove stitches is a strong visual metaphor for her desire to reclaim her identity, but it could benefit from more internal monologue or reflection to deepen the emotional impact.
  • The transition from the bathroom to the bedroom is smooth, but the dialogue with Harvey feels somewhat abrupt. While it serves to convey a sense of urgency and a glimmer of hope for Elisabeth, it lacks a buildup of tension or anticipation that could enhance the moment.
  • Elisabeth's reaction to Harvey's call is pivotal, yet it could be more nuanced. The 'fleeting glow' in her eyes is a good visual cue, but expanding on her internal conflict—her simultaneous hope and fear—would add depth to her character and make her emotional journey more relatable.
  • The description of the empty corridor and the gurgling water fountain effectively conveys Elisabeth's isolation and the stark reality of her situation. However, the scene could benefit from more sensory details to immerse the reader in the atmosphere, such as the sounds, smells, or even the temperature of the space.
  • The ending of the scene, with Elisabeth feeling abandoned in the empty corridor, is poignant. However, it could be strengthened by a more explicit reflection on her feelings of loss and abandonment, perhaps through a brief internal thought or a physical action that symbolizes her emotional state.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding internal monologue or thoughts from Elisabeth as she removes the stitches to provide insight into her emotional state and the significance of this act.
  • Build more tension in the dialogue with Harvey by having Elisabeth hesitate or express her feelings about returning, which would create a more dynamic interaction.
  • Expand on the moment when Elisabeth hears Harvey's voice by incorporating her conflicting emotions—her desire for connection versus her fear of rejection or further loss.
  • Enhance the sensory details in the corridor scene to create a more immersive experience for the reader, allowing them to feel Elisabeth's isolation more acutely.
  • Include a brief moment of reflection or a physical action at the end of the scene that symbolizes Elisabeth's emotional turmoil, reinforcing her feelings of abandonment and loss.



Scene 19 -  Shifting Identities
61 INT. KITCHEN/LIVING ROOM - DAY 61

Elisabeth sits at the kitchen table crossing out days on a
monthly calendar in black.

She crosses out seven days in a row... then writes “SUE” in
each of the next seven days... then the same thing again
until she has covered the entire month.

She leans the calendar up against the wall, pensive.

She lightly taps the end of the pen against the table, bored.

She turns on the radio:

...at discount prices! It’s fish of the sea month at
COSTCO! SUPER COLOSSAL ALASKAN RED KING CRAB LEGS are
only $12.99 a pound, so come on down and reel in your
catch! HEY BUT WHO’S THIS?! WHO’S WHAT? WHO’S ON TOP
OF THIS? THE ASSURAN-
She switches off the exasperating commercials with a flick.

She remains seated in her chair for a moment.

Then she gets up and walks into the living room. She
disappears from the frame and after a little while we see the
TV turn on in the background.

Staying with the wide shot, the TV in the background,
spitting out its programs.

BLACK

The sound of a TV show in the distance slowly gets louder.

62 INT. BATHROOM - NIGHT 62

GROUND VIEW OF THE BATHROOM TILES - The door opens and a beam
of light comes through, shining on Sue lying on the floor.

We can see Elisabeth's feet and the hem of the white bathrobe
standing still in the foreground.

The I.V bag indicates two more notches.



THE SUBSTANCE - May 3rd 2022 - 46 -
...sc 62


Two more days to get through...

Elisabeth’s feet leave the frame and the door closes again.

BLACK

The sound of the TV dies down...

...comes back on with a new show... and dies down again...

Then rhythmic music, soft and muffled at first, slowly grows
louder in the distance...

The volume increases, louder and louder ...

63 INT. KITCHEN / LIVING ROOM - DAY 63

...AND BURSTS FULL BLAST as a door opens letting the light...
into the fridge.

We realize that our POV IS FROM INSIDE THE REFRIGERATOR,
while now it’s SUE in underwear and a small tank top who
bends over to put away the compartmentalized syringe filled
with spinal liquid for the next seven days, the music
blasting behind her in the apartment.

She grabs a soda can.

CLOSE UP ON HER MANICURED HAND AND RED NAIL POLISH, pulling
off the can tab KSHHHHH...

HER FLAT, MUSCULAR BELLY as she thrusts her hip to close the
fridge door.

We follow Sue, stretching and drinking, swaying in rhythm to
the music and enjoying the sensations of being in her new
body.

While the time she spent as Elisabeth felt dull and
pointless, now it’s as though a bundle of irrepressible
energy has taken over the apartment.

Sue walks into the living room and sees that the TV is still
switched on. Her gaze falls upon the large armchair facing
the TV with a slight concave impression in the cushion...

A barely perceptible scolding look flashes across her face.

She grabs the remote control, turns off the TV, and glances
at the framed photo of Elisabeth on the wall as if
reprimanding her - Tsk, tsk.

She heads for the bathroom.




THE SUBSTANCE - May 3rd 2022 - 47 -
...sc 64

64 INT. BATHROOM - DAY 64

She leans against the doorframe and looks down at Elisabeth’s
slumped body on the tiles.

A long moment as she looks down at the limp matrix, sprawled
on the ground like a rag doll.

CRRRRRUNCH - she crushes the can in one sharp gesture and
starts looking around, as if searching for something.

She knocks on various walls in the apartment: Tap tap tap
listening to the echo inside... Tap tap tap...

65A INT. BEDROOM - DAY 65A

...inside the bedroom: tap tap tap

65B INT. WALK-IN CLOSET - DAY 65B

She opens the walk-in closet.

Pushes the clothes aside. Knocks against the wall.

Tock tock tock...

It sounds hollow.

66 INT. BATHROOM - DAY 66

She goes into the bathroom, taps on the other side of the
wall.

Tock tock tock... Hollow too. There’s a hollow space between
the walk-in closet and the bathroom.

She remains still for a moment, staring at the wall, pensive.

BLACK

67 INT. SECRET ROOM IN CONSTRUCTION - DAY 67

BOOM!

The sound of a blow like a large sledgehammer in the
darkness. The blow makes the frame shake, and a trickle of
dust falls from above.

CUT TO:




THE SUBSTANCE - May 3rd 2022 - 48 -
...sc 68

68 INT. CASTING ROOM / DANCE STUDIO - DAY 68

BAM! GROUND-LEVEL VIEW of a dance studio rehearsal: a pair of
legs lands in the frame on the wooden floor doing a split,
followed by a dozen other pairs of legs doing the same thing.

CUT TO:

69 INT. SECRET ROOM IN CONSTRUCTION - DAY 69

BOOM! The sledgehammer hits the wall again, sprinkling
plaster around and letting a beam of light pierce through the
wall. In the hole that has appeared, we see Sue’s face,
wearing a dust mask and safety goggles.

CUT TO:

70 INT. CASTING ROOM / DANCE STUDIO - DAY 70

CLAP! CLAP! CLAP! Hands clapping together in rhythm. Sue, in
the foreground of the dance studio, leads the dancers who are
wearing comfortable workout outfits.

CUT TO:

71 INT. SECRET ROOM / BATHROOM - DAY 71

BAM! BAM! BAM! The hole widens as Sue keeps hitting the
bathroom wall with the sledgehammer, revealing a dark cavity
behind it; big clouds of dust fly into the bathroom.

72 INT. LIVING ROOM - DAY 72

The matrix is lying in stasis in the middle of the living
room, sheltered from the construction work.

She lies motionless under her large framed poster while the
blows from the sledgehammer blare off screen.

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Drama","Mystery","Thriller"]

Summary Elisabeth is trapped in a monotonous routine, marking days on a calendar and feeling bored, while Sue, now in a new body, exudes energy and vitality. The scene transitions from Elisabeth's dull existence to Sue's lively interactions, highlighting their contrasting states. As Sue explores her new life, she discovers a hollow space in the bathroom, leading to a loud sledgehammer blow, signaling impending change.
Strengths
  • Effective build-up of tension and mystery
  • Intriguing character transformations
  • Engaging plot developments
Weaknesses
  • Limited dialogue
  • Some scenes may feel disjointed

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively builds tension and intrigue through the discovery of the secret room and the physical transformation of the character. It keeps the audience engaged with a sense of mystery and anticipation.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of exploring a character's transformation and the uncovering of a secret room adds depth and intrigue to the scene. It introduces new elements that keep the audience engaged and curious.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene is driven by the character's physical transformation and the discovery of the secret room. It adds layers to the story and sets up future developments.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on identity and transformation, with unique character actions and dialogue that feel authentic and engaging.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters in the scene, particularly Sue and Elisabeth, undergo significant changes and face new challenges. Their actions and reactions add depth to the narrative.

Character Changes: 9

Both Sue and Elisabeth undergo significant changes in the scene, with Sue embracing her new identity and taking control, while Elisabeth grapples with the consequences of her actions.

Internal Goal: 8

Elisabeth's internal goal is to escape her current situation and find a sense of purpose or fulfillment. This is reflected in her actions of crossing out days on the calendar and her pensive demeanor.

External Goal: 7

Sue's external goal is to uncover a secret room in the apartment. This reflects the immediate challenge she is facing and drives the action of the scene.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7.5

The scene contains internal conflict as the character grapples with her new identity and the discovery of the secret room. It sets up potential external conflicts in future developments.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Sue's actions challenging Elisabeth's existence and driving the conflict forward.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in the scene as the characters face physical and emotional challenges, uncover secrets, and navigate unknown territory. The outcome of their actions could have significant consequences.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing new elements, conflicts, and character developments. It sets the stage for future plot twists and revelations.

Unpredictability: 8

The scene is unpredictable in its exploration of identity and transformation, keeping the audience guessing about the characters' motives and actions.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict revolves around identity and transformation, as Sue takes on a new persona and challenges the existence of Elisabeth.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene evokes a range of emotions, including tension, curiosity, and introspection. The character's physical transformation and the uncovering of the secret room add depth to the emotional impact.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue in the scene is minimal but impactful, conveying the characters' emotions and motivations effectively. It adds to the overall atmosphere of mystery and tension.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its suspenseful atmosphere, intriguing character dynamics, and gradual reveal of the secret room.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged and intrigued.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting adheres to the expected format for a screenplay, with clear scene headings and descriptions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with well-paced transitions between locations, building tension and intrigue effectively.


Critique
  • The scene effectively contrasts the emotional states of Elisabeth and Sue, showcasing Elisabeth's stagnation and Sue's newfound vitality. However, the transition between their experiences could be more pronounced to enhance the emotional impact.
  • The use of the calendar as a visual motif is strong, symbolizing Elisabeth's fixation on Sue and the passage of time. However, the act of crossing out days could be more visually dynamic, perhaps incorporating close-ups or different angles to emphasize her emotional state.
  • The radio's commercial interruptions serve to highlight Elisabeth's frustration and boredom, but the dialogue could be more engaging or humorous to better reflect her internal struggle. The commercials feel a bit generic and could be tailored to reflect her character or the themes of the story.
  • The transition from the kitchen to the bathroom is somewhat abrupt. A smoother transition could enhance the flow of the scene, perhaps by incorporating a moment of reflection or a brief internal monologue from Elisabeth as she moves between spaces.
  • The scene's pacing is uneven; the initial part feels slow due to the repetitive actions of crossing out days. While this emphasizes Elisabeth's monotony, it may benefit from a quicker pace or additional action to maintain viewer engagement.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief internal monologue or voiceover from Elisabeth as she crosses out the days, providing insight into her thoughts and feelings about Sue and her current situation.
  • Incorporate more dynamic camera movements or angles during the calendar crossing to visually represent Elisabeth's emotional turmoil and the weight of time passing.
  • Revise the radio commercials to include more specific references that resonate with Elisabeth's character or situation, making them feel more personalized and impactful.
  • Enhance the transition between the kitchen and bathroom by including a moment where Elisabeth reflects on her feelings about Sue, perhaps even voicing her frustrations aloud.
  • Experiment with the pacing by interspersing quicker cuts or flashbacks of Elisabeth's past experiences with Sue to create a more engaging rhythm and deepen the emotional resonance of the scene.



Scene 20 -  Awkward Introductions
73 INT. PHOTO STUDIO - DAY 73

PROFILE of Sue’s face in a photo studio.

SUE ON THE RIGHT! She turns her head towards the camera.

THE BLACK EYE OF A LARGE CAMERA

FLASH!

CUT TO:



THE SUBSTANCE - May 3rd 2022 - 49 -
...sc 74

74 INT. BATHROOM - EVENING 74

CRRRRRRRRR the crackling and dazzling light of a blowtorch
welding elements in the wall cavity.

CUT TO:

75A INT. LIVING ROOM - DAY 75A

POV SHOT FROM INSIDE A CARDBOARD BOX - Elisabeth’s award
statues, knickknacks, and photo frames are stored bit by bit
by Sue, who then closes the flaps of the cardboard box: BLACK

CUT TO:
75B DTTTTTTT the needle of a sewing machine runs up a shiny 75B
fabric at full speed.

CUT TO:

76 INT. BATHROOM - DAY 76

BZZZZZZZZ A drill screws wall plugs into a wall.

BAM BAM BAM! BAM BAM BAM!

The drilling stops, and we hear someone banging on the front
door.

77A INT. LIVING ROOM / HALLWAY - DAY 77A

Sue appears and opens it, finding herself face to face with
her NEXT DOOR NEIGHBOR (old bachelor in his forties) who
yells at her immediately:

NEIGHBOR
WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO STOP THIS
NOIS...
(seeing her)
Oh... I thought it was Ms. Spar...

SUE
(standing in her
doorframe, devastating
smile)
She moved out.

A beat where he stares at her, flustered.

SUE (CONT’D)
I’m the new tenant.
(she stretches her hand
out)
Sue.



THE SUBSTANCE - May 3rd 2022 - 50 -
...sc 77A


He stands there stupidly. Then, as if snapping back to
reality, he wipes his sweaty palm against his pants and
stretches it out to her, trying not to appear overly excited.

NEIGHBOR
(stuttering)
Ovl...Olivr...Ovlir...

SUE
You wanted to complain about
something Oliver?

A long pregnant pause. And then, as if reconnecting his brain
to his mouth:

NEIGHBOR
Oh no! No no... absolutely not...
it’s euh... great to have stuff
going on in the building... I’m
quite handy, if I could help with
my tools... I have a big hammer and
euh... I mean you know... Anyway! I
live right next door, you know
where to find me...
(gesturing to appear
“cool”)
...anytime...Day or...night.

He suddenly turns around and goes away, closing his apartment
door behind him, completely at a loss.

Sue closes her door laughing to herself...
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In a light-hearted scene, Sue is seen packing away Elisabeth's belongings while dealing with the noise of her renovations. When her next-door neighbor knocks to complain, he becomes flustered upon realizing she is the new tenant. Their awkward introduction reveals his nervousness and interest in her, leading to a humorous exchange. After he awkwardly offers help and leaves, Sue laughs to herself, enjoying the moment.
Strengths
  • Effective introduction of a new character
  • Building tension and suspense
  • Engaging dialogue and interactions
Weaknesses
  • Relatively low stakes
  • Limited character development in this scene

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively introduces a new character and builds tension through the interaction with the neighbor and the mysterious construction work. The tone is consistent and engaging, keeping the audience curious about Sue's background and intentions.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of introducing a new character in a mysterious and tension-filled way is well-executed. The scene sets up intrigue and curiosity about Sue's role in the story.

Plot: 8

The plot progresses by introducing a new character and setting up potential conflicts with the neighbor and the construction work. It adds layers to the story and keeps the audience engaged.

Originality: 7

The scene introduces familiar domestic activities and neighborly interactions but adds a fresh perspective through the character dynamics and comedic elements. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue enhances the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

Sue is introduced as a mysterious and intriguing character, with a hint of dark humor in her interactions with the neighbor. The neighbor is also well-defined, adding depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 7

Sue undergoes a subtle change as she navigates her new environment and interacts with the neighbor. The scene sets up potential growth for her character.

Internal Goal: 8

Sue's internal goal in this scene is to establish herself as the new tenant in the building and navigate her interactions with her neighbors. This reflects her desire for acceptance, belonging, and a fresh start in her new living space.

External Goal: 7

Sue's external goal in this scene is to manage the noise from her activities and maintain positive relationships with her neighbors. This reflects the immediate challenge of settling into a new environment and avoiding conflicts.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict between Sue and the neighbor is subtle but adds to the tension in the scene. The construction work hints at larger conflicts to come.

Opposition: 6

The opposition in the scene is moderate, with Sue facing challenges in managing noise and building relationships with her neighbors. The uncertainty in her interactions adds a layer of conflict and intrigue for the audience.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are relatively low in this scene, but the tension and mystery set the stage for higher stakes to come.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing a new character and setting up conflicts that will impact future events.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected reactions and resolutions in Sue's interactions with her neighbor. The humor and tension create a sense of uncertainty and surprise for the audience.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the balance between individual freedom and communal harmony. Sue's desire to pursue her creative activities clashes with her neighbor's expectations of peace and quiet in the building.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7.5

The scene evokes feelings of curiosity, tension, and isolation, drawing the audience into Sue's mysterious world.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue between Sue and the neighbor is engaging and reveals aspects of their personalities. It adds to the tension and sets up further interactions.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its mix of visual storytelling, character dynamics, and comedic elements. The quick cuts and varied activities keep the audience interested in Sue's journey and interactions with her neighbors.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by balancing moments of tension, humor, and character development. The rhythm of the scene keeps the audience engaged and interested in Sue's interactions with her neighbors.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene aligns with the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings, action descriptions, and dialogue formatting. It enhances the readability and flow of the screenplay.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear and engaging structure with well-paced transitions between different locations and character interactions. It effectively sets up conflicts and resolutions while maintaining the audience's interest.


Critique
  • The scene effectively contrasts Sue's newfound confidence with the remnants of Elisabeth's life, showcasing her transformation. However, the transition between the photo studio and the bathroom could be smoother to maintain narrative flow.
  • The dialogue between Sue and the neighbor is humorous and serves to highlight Sue's new identity, but it feels slightly forced. The neighbor's awkwardness is relatable, yet it could be more subtly integrated to avoid overshadowing Sue's character development.
  • The use of sound effects (the blowtorch, drill, and banging) creates a vivid atmosphere, but the scene may benefit from a more balanced approach to sound design. The auditory elements could be used to reflect Sue's internal state, enhancing the emotional depth.
  • Sue's devastating smile is a strong visual cue, but the description could be expanded to convey her emotional complexity. Is she genuinely happy, or is there an underlying tension? Exploring this could add layers to her character.
  • The neighbor's dialogue is amusing but could be trimmed for brevity. The humor should not detract from the scene's overall tone, which is primarily about Sue's transformation and the remnants of Elisabeth's life.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief internal monologue for Sue as she interacts with the neighbor, providing insight into her thoughts and feelings about her new identity.
  • Enhance the transition between scenes by incorporating a visual motif or thematic element that connects the photo studio to the bathroom, reinforcing the narrative continuity.
  • Refine the neighbor's dialogue to make it more concise while retaining the humor. This will help maintain the scene's pacing and keep the focus on Sue's character.
  • Explore Sue's emotional state further by adding subtle physical cues or reactions during her interaction with the neighbor, which can reveal her internal conflict or satisfaction with her new life.
  • Consider using the sounds of construction to mirror Sue's emotional journey, perhaps by having the sounds crescendo as she feels more confident and then fade as she reflects on her past.



Scene 21 -  Rivalry in Shadows
77B INT. LIVING ROOM - JOUR 77B

...we follow her, swaying as she walks back down the hallway.

Entering the living room, we discover through the picture
window that a PUBLICITY BILLBOARD WITH A HUGE PHOTO OF HER
has been set up outside.

She’s sporting a sexy pose in her flashy pink leotard with a
wide smile and a hand on her hip:


NEW SHOW
coming soon
Sue walks towards the matrix lying in stasis on the floor,
props the I.V bag up on her belly, grabs her by both arms...

.. And slowly drags her down the hallway.




THE SUBSTANCE - May 3rd 2022 - 51 -
...sc 77B

77C Inside the empty living room, Elisabeth’s large framed poster 77C
still hanging on the wall is now facing Sue’s publicity
billboard in a bizarre face off.

Almost as if the two versions of herself were staring at each
other like a static paper version of a cowboy standoff...

ELISABETH’S GLOWING EYES...

FACING SUE’S SPARKLING EYES...

78 INT. HALLWAY - DAY 78

Sue drags the matrix along the corridor. She noticeably
handles her with a little less consideration.

The matrix’s hip knocks against the corner of a piece of
furniture and one of her arms grips onto something which
slows her down. We can sense Sue can’t wait to get this over
with.

79A INT. BATHROOM - DAY 79A

She reaches the bathroom, opens the door to the secret
room...

79B INT. SECRET ROOM - DAY 79B

...and drags the matrix to a dark and somber secret room
created in the empty space behind the bathroom wall, which we
now discover finished.

The new secret wall slides perfectly into the real one,
invisible to outside eyes.

Only a small, almost imperceptible air vent allows the air to
circulate. Otherwise, the room is dark, cavernous and
completely pitch black inside.

80 INT. LIVING ROOM - DAY 80

IN THE LIVING ROOM the face off continues in increasingly
tighter shots between Elisabeth and Sue’s pictures.

SUE’S SUPER PEARLY WHITE SMILE...

FACING ELISABETH’S LARGE SMIL... which swivels all of a
sudden and disappears out of the frame, leaving just the
plain white wall.




THE SUBSTANCE - May 3rd 2022 - 52 -
...sc 81
Genres: ["Drama","Sci-Fi","Thriller"]

Summary In a tense scene, Sue sways into her living room, where a billboard of her in a pink leotard contrasts with a framed poster of her rival, Elisabeth. Dragging a matrix along the floor, Sue reveals a hidden, dark room behind a bathroom wall, symbolizing her internal struggle. The visual standoff between Sue's vibrant image and Elisabeth's poster heightens the urgency, culminating in the poster's disappearance, leaving only a plain white wall.
Strengths
  • Exploration of identity and transformation
  • Intense and surreal atmosphere
  • Strong character development
Weaknesses
  • Minimal dialogue
  • Potential confusion for the audience in the surreal elements

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys a sense of unease and mystery through its dark and intense tone, while also delving into themes of identity and transformation. The execution is well-done, with strong character development and plot progression.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of duality within the protagonist, the manipulation of identities, and the struggle for dominance are intriguing and well-developed. The scene effectively explores these themes in a unique and engaging way.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene revolves around the internal conflict and transformation of the protagonist, moving the story forward while maintaining a sense of mystery and suspense. The plot progression is crucial in building tension and intrigue.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces unique elements such as the matrix in stasis, the secret room behind the bathroom wall, and the symbolic face off between the protagonist's public image and private self. The dialogue and character actions feel authentic and contribute to the scene's originality.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters, particularly the protagonist and her doppelganger, are well-developed and play a significant role in driving the scene forward. Their internal struggles and interactions add depth to the narrative.

Character Changes: 8

The protagonist undergoes significant changes throughout the scene, both physically and emotionally, as she grapples with her dual identities and struggles for dominance. The character development is crucial in driving the narrative forward.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to confront and possibly eliminate a version of herself represented by the matrix. This reflects her inner conflict and desire to control her own identity and image.

External Goal: 7.5

The protagonist's external goal is to hide or dispose of the matrix in the secret room behind the bathroom wall. This reflects her immediate challenge of dealing with a potentially dangerous or unwanted object.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The level of conflict in the scene is high, as the protagonist grapples with her dual identities and struggles for dominance. The internal conflict and tension drive the narrative forward and create a sense of urgency.

Opposition: 7.5

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create conflict and suspense, with obstacles that challenge the protagonist's goals and keep the audience guessing about the outcome.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are high in the scene as the protagonist faces a crucial moment of transformation and self-discovery. The outcome of her internal struggle will have significant consequences for her future.

Story Forward: 8

The scene effectively moves the story forward by delving into the internal conflict and transformation of the protagonist. The progression of the plot adds depth to the narrative and sets the stage for future developments.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists and turns in the protagonist's actions, the symbolic face off between her public image and private self, and the mysterious elements like the secret room.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict in this scene is the juxtaposition of the protagonist's public image and her private self, represented by the billboard and the matrix. This challenges her beliefs about identity and control over her own narrative.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking feelings of anxiety, isolation, and transformation in the audience. The intense and surreal atmosphere, coupled with the protagonist's internal struggles, elicits a strong emotional response.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue in the scene is minimal but impactful, conveying the emotions and intentions of the characters effectively. The dialogue serves to enhance the atmosphere and tension of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its mysterious and tense atmosphere, the protagonist's internal and external conflicts, and the visual contrasts and symbolism that keep the audience intrigued.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, leading to a climactic moment in the secret room. The rhythm of the scene enhances its effectiveness and keeps the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is well-executed, with clear scene descriptions and character actions. It follows the expected format for its genre and enhances the reader's understanding of the visual elements.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with a buildup of tension and conflict, leading to a resolution in the secret room. The formatting is consistent with the genre and enhances the visual storytelling.


Critique
  • The scene effectively uses visual symbolism to contrast the two versions of Sue and Elisabeth, particularly through the juxtaposition of their images in the living room. This creates a strong thematic resonance regarding identity and transformation, which is central to the narrative.
  • The description of Sue dragging the matrix with less care adds a layer of emotional complexity, suggesting her growing impatience and detachment from her former self. However, this could be further emphasized by incorporating more internal conflict or reflection from Sue, allowing the audience to connect with her emotional state.
  • The use of tight shots between the two posters is a clever visual device that reinforces the tension between the characters. However, the transition from the living room to the secret room could benefit from a more dramatic or suspenseful buildup, enhancing the sense of foreboding as Sue prepares to hide Elisabeth.
  • The pacing of the scene feels slightly rushed, particularly in the transition from the living room to the secret room. Slowing down the action or adding more sensory details could heighten the tension and allow the audience to fully absorb the significance of the moment.
  • The dialogue is absent in this scene, which is appropriate given the context. However, incorporating internal monologue or brief thoughts from Sue could provide insight into her motivations and feelings, enriching the narrative and character development.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment of hesitation or reflection from Sue as she drags the matrix, allowing the audience to sense her internal struggle and the weight of her actions.
  • Enhance the transition to the secret room by incorporating sound design elements, such as the creaking of the door or the echo of footsteps, to build suspense and create a more immersive experience.
  • Explore the possibility of including a brief internal monologue from Sue, expressing her thoughts on her transformation and the implications of her actions, which could deepen the audience's understanding of her character.
  • Slow down the pacing in the transition from the living room to the secret room, perhaps by adding a moment where Sue pauses to look at Elisabeth's poster, reflecting on her past before moving forward.
  • Consider using more vivid sensory details to describe the secret room, emphasizing its darkness and isolation, which could heighten the emotional impact of the scene.



Scene 22 -  From Shadows to Spotlight
81 INT. SECRET ROOM - DAY 81

Sue stores the large framed poster she took down next to
Elisabeth inside the little secret room.

A moment with Sue staring at the matrix lying on the ground,
before she starts to close the heavy secret wall.

We see the beam of light that slowly fades on the matrix’s
still body lying on the ground...

The beam fades... and fades...

...and then TOTAL DARKNESS sweeps over her in a deep,
guttural sound.

BLACK.



A long moment of silence.

Then, a humming noise that slowly grows louder...

Much like a roaring sound...

Getting louder and louder...

82 INT. TV STUDIO / SUE’S SHOW “PUMP IT UP” - DAY 82

...As a big spotlight turns on and throws its full beam on:

AN ASS, molded inside a flashy pink leotard (the famous pose
with the hand on the hip).

CUT TO:

A second ass, molded inside a blue leotard.

CUT TO:

A third ass in a yellow leotard.

The camera’s huge eye.

The small red recording dot.

We follow FEET walking ahead in rhythm... past a pink,
curved, glossy material, which we soon discover to be huge
letter balloons through which we pull back to reveal a series
of pink letters spelling out the title of the new show:



PUMP IT UP
THE SUBSTANCE - May 3rd 2022 - 53 -
...sc 82


With Sue

The shot continues to pull back revealing THE DANCERS
surrounding Sue.

SUE
Hi everybody! I’m Sue and it’s time
to PUMP IT UP! So here we go!

Her leg flies up in the air as the music starts, blasting
away at full volume.

Asses start to sway in rhythm to the dynamic and bewitching
music.

We track past the asses moving to the beat. To the left. To
the right. Heads bend upside down revealing blondes,
brunettes and redheads with long, abundant hair.

Thin WAISTS and PELVISES sway suggestively.

SUPER HIGH CUT flashy leotards, reveal perfectly waxed groins
underneath.

Firm and BOUNCY BOSOMS compressed inside the lycra.

A concentrate of energy and sexy girls swaying in rhythm with
provocative smiles inside the flashy and modernized scenery.

Everything now is younger, sexier and more dynamic.

Nothing in comparison with Elisabeth’s outdated show.

Sue’s face, enjoying the change in atmosphere.

It was clearly time for a makeover.

In the center of the action, she’s magnetically beautiful.

She lets herself bask in the spotlight as she tightens her
abs in rhythm.

Once.

Twice.

Ten times.

Thirty times.

Her gaze pierces the screen.

And every single pair of eyes is on her.

The cameramen.

The assistants.


THE SUBSTANCE - May 3rd 2022 - 54 -
...sc 82


Her face MULTIPLIED on the control room screens.
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller","Sci-Fi"]

Summary Sue enters a secret room, storing a framed poster next to the outdated Elisabeth, before transitioning to her vibrant TV show 'Pump It Up.' The scene showcases a lively performance with colorful dancers, highlighting the energetic atmosphere that contrasts with Elisabeth's old style. Sue confidently embraces her new role, introducing the show with enthusiasm and captivating the audience, ultimately basking in the spotlight as her success is reflected on the control room screens.
Strengths
  • Strong character development
  • Compelling theme exploration
  • Emotional depth
  • Dynamic visuals
Weaknesses
  • Potential confusion for the audience due to rapid changes and complex themes

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9.2

The scene is well-designed, executed, and conceptually strong. It effectively moves the plot forward, introduces high stakes, and has a significant emotional impact on the characters. The dynamic tone and intense atmosphere make it a standout moment in the screenplay.


Story Content

Concept: 9.5

The concept of reinvention and the pursuit of fame is central to the scene, driving Sue's character arc and the overall narrative. The idea of embracing a new identity and leaving behind the past is compelling and well-developed.

Plot: 9

The plot progresses significantly in this scene, as Sue undergoes a dramatic transformation and secures a new role on a TV show. The introduction of high stakes and the resolution of conflicts propel the story forward in an exciting direction.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh and modern take on a familiar setting, showcasing unique characters and situations that add authenticity and depth to the story.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters, especially Sue, are deeply impacted by the events in this scene. Sue's evolution from a conflicted individual to a confident performer is a key moment in her character development, adding depth and complexity to the story.

Character Changes: 10

Sue undergoes a significant character change in this scene, transitioning from a conflicted individual to a confident performer. Her transformation is central to the narrative and sets the stage for future developments.

Internal Goal: 9

Sue's internal goal in this scene is to enjoy the change in atmosphere and bask in the spotlight of her new show. This reflects her desire for validation, recognition, and success.

External Goal: 8

Sue's external goal is to host a successful and engaging show that appeals to a younger audience and surpasses Elisabeth's outdated show.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8.5

The conflict in the scene is primarily internal, as Sue grapples with her past self and embraces her new persona. The tension between her old and new identities creates a compelling dynamic that drives the narrative forward.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the contrast between Sue's new show and Elisabeth's show creating conflict and tension that drives the story forward.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in this scene, as Sue embarks on a risky journey of self-discovery and reinvention. The pressure to succeed in her new role and leave her past behind adds tension and urgency to the narrative.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by introducing a new direction for Sue's character, setting up conflicts and challenges, and establishing the tone for future events. It propels the narrative towards a new chapter in the plot.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected transition from the secret room to the TV studio, creating a sense of surprise and intrigue.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is the clash between traditional values represented by Elisabeth's show and modern values represented by Sue's show. This challenges Sue's beliefs about the importance of staying current and appealing to a younger audience.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, as Sue undergoes a profound transformation and confronts her inner struggles. The themes of identity, acceptance, and ambition resonate strongly, evoking a range of emotions in the audience.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys Sue's emotions, motivations, and interactions with other characters. It enhances the tone and atmosphere, contributing to the overall impact of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its dynamic action, vivid descriptions, and compelling characters that draw the reader into the story.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension in the secret room and then transitioning to a fast-paced and energetic sequence in the TV studio.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings, action lines, and dialogue that enhance readability and flow.

Structure: 9

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution that drive the narrative forward.


Critique
  • The transition from the secret room to the TV studio is visually striking, but the abrupt shift in tone from darkness to the vibrant energy of 'Pump It Up' could be more effectively bridged. The contrast is clear, but a smoother transition could enhance the emotional impact of Sue's transformation.
  • The use of physical descriptions, particularly of the dancers and their attire, effectively conveys the show's energetic and provocative nature. However, the focus on physical attributes may come off as objectifying, which could detract from the character development of Sue. Balancing the visual spectacle with deeper emotional resonance would strengthen the scene.
  • Sue's character is portrayed as confident and magnetic, but the scene could benefit from a moment of introspection or vulnerability to ground her transformation. This would create a more complex character and allow the audience to connect with her on a deeper level.
  • The dialogue is minimal, which works well in this context, but adding a brief moment of interaction with the dancers or crew could provide insight into Sue's relationships and how she navigates her new role. This would also help to establish her leadership and charisma beyond just her physical presence.
  • The pacing of the scene is fast, which suits the energetic atmosphere of a TV show. However, consider allowing for brief pauses or reactions from the audience or crew to emphasize the impact of Sue's performance and her emotional state. This would create a more dynamic rhythm and enhance the viewer's engagement.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a visual or auditory cue that links the darkness of the secret room to the brightness of the studio, such as a flickering light or a sound that transitions from guttural to upbeat music, to create a more cohesive flow.
  • Incorporate a moment where Sue reflects on her past or acknowledges Elisabeth's absence, even if just in a fleeting thought, to add depth to her character and highlight the emotional stakes of her transformation.
  • Introduce a brief interaction with a dancer or crew member that showcases Sue's leadership and charisma, reinforcing her new role while also hinting at her internal struggles.
  • Experiment with the pacing by including a slow-motion moment during Sue's performance, allowing the audience to absorb her confidence and the energy of the show before returning to the fast-paced rhythm.
  • Consider using visual metaphors or motifs that represent Sue's transformation throughout the scene, such as mirrors or reflections, to reinforce the theme of identity and change.



Scene 23 -  Sue's Bold Choice
83 INT. HARVEY’S OFFICE - DAY 83

On the wall of screens in Harvey’s office.

84 INT. TV STUDIO / SUE’S SHOW “PUMP IT UP” - DAY 84

The group moves in rhythm, a constant crescendo, until the
music ends and in a final motion which freezes the group,
perfectly synched...

SUE
WOO!! THANK YOU EVERYBODY!

Sue’s chest rises up and down...

She’s covered in sweat and out of breath, but this time it's
because of the galvanizing effort she's just made with a body
full of hormones and adrenaline.

SUE (CONT’D)
I’ll see you all next week!

She is about to go but then suddenly she turns back to the
camera as if she’s forgotten something:

SUE (CONT’D)
Oh!
(eyes sparkling)
And in the mean time...

She winks and blows a kiss to the camera.

SUE (CONT’D)
... take care of yourself.

The lights switch off.

Silence returns on set.

A suspended beat, as if the air needed to cope with all the
sexual and bodily energy that has been stirred.

A voice echoes from the control room:

And that’s a wrap!

Everybody is suddenly bursting with happiness. WOOHOOHOO!!!
They hug each other, lie down or bend over to catch their
breath, in great relaxation and relief.

A thunderous and ecstatic voice rings out:

HARVEY (O.S.)
Where is she?? Where is she??


THE SUBSTANCE - May 3rd 2022 - 55 -
...sc 84


And Harvey charges in, opening his arms wide, grandiose,
singing her praises.

An assistant brings Sue a towel and a little bottle of water.

85 INT. TV STUDIO BACKSTAGE CORRIDOR - DAY 85

Sue steps into the backstage corridor with glistening eyes,
stops to drink her little bottle of water as she walks past a
big framed poster hanging on the wall advertising her new
show:


PUMP IT UP
with Sue

The first of many to come...

Eyes glistening, she sets off again....

CUT TO:

86 INT/EXT. TV STUDIO EXIT DOOR / STUDIO LOT ALLEY - DAY 86

SLAM! The building’s door opens out onto brilliant SUNLIGHT,
a BLUE SKY AND PALM TREES reflected in Sue’s sunglasses. Sue
comes out of the building wearing her varsity jacket and
sports bag over her shoulder. She walks towards the exit.

A voice echoes out from behind:

MAN'S VOICE (O.S.)
I’d be the happiest man on earth if
I had the chance to work with you..

Sue’s face freezes... as if challenged by this voice which
sounds familiar to her... she slowly turns and finds herself
facing... CRAIG. With a huge smile etched on his jaw, he
proudly stretches out a hand to her.

CRAIG
I’m Craig Silver, from Craig Silver
management.
(he hands her his card)
...You have so much potential, we
could make great things happen
together.

A different voice calls out as ANOTHER GUY steps into frame.

ALAN
And I’m Alan Weil from WEIL & CLARK
MANAGEMENT.
(he also hands her his
card)
(MORE)

THE SUBSTANCE - May 3rd 2022 - 56 -
...sc 86
ALAN (CONT’D)
WE’LL bring you all the way to the
top!

Then a THIRD ONE...

BOB
Bob HASWELL from H&H MANAGEMENT
(agency name TBC)
(new card)
How come you’ve never been on our
radar? We’d be the perfect reps for
you!

Sue looks at the three men who each hold out their card to
her... She ends up smiling at Craig... and takes his card.

Craig’s victorious smile... yes!... which immediately turns
into his jaw dropping when Sue tears his card into small
pieces before stuffing them into his shirt pocket and tapping
on it... She then arbitrarily chooses one of the other
business cards.

SUE
Nice to meet you....
(looking at the card)
...Alan!

She immediately turns her back on the three men, walking away
with a contented smile on her face.

BLACK

FADE IN:
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In a bustling TV studio, Sue wraps up her energetic show, 'Pump It Up,' receiving praise from Harvey and celebrating with her crew. As she exits, she encounters three eager management representatives. After a brief interaction, Sue confidently chooses Alan by accepting his card while dramatically tearing up Craig's card, asserting her independence and leaving with a satisfied smile.
Strengths
  • Strong character development
  • Engaging plot progression
  • Emotional depth
Weaknesses
  • Potential pacing issues in transitioning between scenes

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.7

The scene is well-structured, engaging, and impactful, with strong character development and plot progression.


Story Content

Concept: 8.6

The concept of transformation and self-discovery is central to the scene, driving the narrative forward and exploring themes of identity and empowerment.

Plot: 8.7

The plot is engaging and well-developed, with significant developments in Sue's journey and interactions with other characters.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on the theme of female empowerment in a male-dominated industry, with Sue confidently rejecting traditional power dynamics.


Character Development

Characters: 8.8

The characters are complex and compelling, especially Sue, whose growth and decisions drive the scene forward.

Character Changes: 9

Sue undergoes significant growth and transformation in the scene, asserting her independence and embracing new opportunities.

Internal Goal: 8

Sue's internal goal in this scene is to assert her independence and agency in the face of male dominance and manipulation. She wants to show that she is in control of her own destiny and decisions.

External Goal: 7

Sue's external goal is to navigate the professional opportunities presented to her and make a strategic decision about her career path.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8.3

The conflict between Sue's past and present, as well as the new opportunities presented to her, adds tension and intrigue to the scene.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Sue facing multiple offers and challenges that test her agency and decision-making.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high for Sue as she navigates success, new opportunities, and the challenges of asserting her independence.

Story Forward: 9

The scene propels the story forward by showcasing Sue's evolution and the new challenges she faces in her journey.

Unpredictability: 7

The scene is unpredictable in Sue's unexpected rejection of the male agents' offers, adding a twist to the typical power dynamics.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the theme of empowerment and self-determination. Sue's actions challenge traditional power dynamics and gender roles.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.9

The scene evokes strong emotions of empowerment, hope, and determination, resonating with the audience.

Dialogue: 8.4

The dialogue is impactful and reflective of the characters' emotions and motivations, enhancing the scene's depth.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its fast-paced action, sharp dialogue, and the protagonist's assertive decision-making.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, leading to a satisfying resolution.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene adheres to industry standards and effectively conveys the visual and emotional elements of the story.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a dynamic structure that builds tension and resolution effectively, leading to a satisfying conclusion.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the high-energy atmosphere of a successful TV show, showcasing Sue's transformation and newfound confidence. However, the transition from the studio to the encounter with the management representatives feels abrupt. The shift from the celebratory mood to the business interaction could benefit from a smoother transition to maintain the flow of the narrative.
  • Sue's character is well-defined in this scene, demonstrating her charisma and confidence. However, the introduction of the three management representatives feels somewhat clichéd and lacks depth. Each character could be given a unique trait or line that distinguishes them from one another, making the interaction more engaging.
  • The moment where Sue tears Craig's card is impactful, but it could be enhanced by providing more context for her decision. A brief internal monologue or a flash of memory could clarify her motivations, making her actions feel more justified and resonant with the audience.
  • The dialogue is functional but lacks a certain flair that could elevate the scene. Adding more playful banter or witty remarks could enhance Sue's character and make the interactions with the management representatives more memorable.
  • The visual elements are strong, particularly the contrast between the vibrant studio and the more subdued backstage corridor. However, the description of the setting could be expanded to include more sensory details, such as sounds, smells, or the feeling of the environment, to immerse the audience further.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment of reflection for Sue after her show, where she contemplates her journey and the challenges ahead. This could deepen her character and provide a smoother transition to the next scene.
  • Give each management representative a distinct personality trait or catchphrase to make them more memorable. This could involve a humorous quirk or a specific way of speaking that sets them apart.
  • Incorporate a moment where Sue hesitates before tearing Craig's card, perhaps reflecting on her past experiences with management. This could add emotional weight to her decision and make her character arc more compelling.
  • Enhance the dialogue with more playful or clever exchanges that showcase Sue's personality and confidence. This could involve witty comebacks or humorous observations about the industry.
  • Add more sensory details to the setting descriptions, such as the sounds of the studio, the smell of sweat and excitement, or the bright lights, to create a more immersive experience for the audience.



Scene 24 -  Transformation and Tension
87 INT. BEDROOM /HALLWAY /BATHROOM /SECRET ROOM - END OF DAY 87

POV FROM INSIDE A BIG RECTANGULAR BOX whose cover is being
removed. Sue’s face is looking inside it with sparkling eyes.

It’s a leather catsuit that she slowly takes out from a big
white rectangular box lying on the bed.

HER LOVELY FOOT WITH POLISHED TOENAILS slides inside the
black and supple leather.

We film up her entire leg, the camera turns around her thigh
and does an EXTREME CLOSE UP on the black and shiny material
as she slips on the ultra tight suit, as if we are an
integral part of the leather – as if the leather was becoming
one with the body, allowing the body to express its full
physical potential.

She slowly closes the zipper... the two swaths of leather
uniting, swallowing up her spinal column in the aerodynamic
casing.




THE SUBSTANCE - May 3rd 2022 - 57 -
...sc 87


She throws her blond mane of hair cascading down between her
shoulder blades; we follow down the length of her flowing
locks... then down her buttocks and leg, all the way to her
black stiletto heels which start walking across the white
carpet...

...then across the hardwood floor in the hallway...

... arriving on the tiled bathroom floor...

... and finally end their journey on the secret room’s bare
cement floor.

The high heels stand next to Elisabeth’s IV bag that is
almost empty. Just a few hours until it is time to switch.

88A INT. BATHROOM / SECRET ROOM - END OF DAY 88A

Sue looks at herself in the mirror, then we see IN EXTREME
CLOSE UP the stick of bright red lipstick coloring her plump
lips...

Her eyes glow from an inner fire...

An increasingly unbounded sensuality. Engulfing...

We hear horns honking outside...

Sue looks at herself for a moment in the mirror...

88B INT. SECRET ROOM - EVENING 88B

...then crouches down next to the matrix.

SUE
...I’m not coming back late... so
you just wait for me...
(she tries to spread out
the remaining food inside
the bag)
Don’t eat too fast...

She closes the heavy door and now the only thing visible is
the little square of light from the air duct, through which
we can see the high heels gradually walking away across the
bathroom tiles... then we hear the clack of the light switch,
which leaves us in DARKNESS

CUT TO:

89A EXT. STREET (ELISABETH BUILDING) - NIGHT 89A

Ground level on a tarmac road, close-up on a SMOKY EXHAUST
PIPE and THE BRIGHT RED TAIL LIGHT OF A CONVERTIBLE CAR.



THE SUBSTANCE - May 3rd 2022 - 58 -
...sc 89A


The camera jibs up and reveals Sue getting into a convertible
car filled with male and female dancers who welcome her with
whistles and giggles. The car takes off in peals of laughter
and screams, like a shooting cannonball ready to enjoy the
pleasures of the night.

89B INT. APT / LIVING ROOM - NIGHT 89B

A moment on the silent and still living room.

On the wall, we can make out the outline where the old
picture frame has been taken down.

BLACK

FADE IN:

90 THE STILL LIVING ROOM - NIGHT 90

The living room is still.

The moon ray on the white wall has moved - time has passed...
Genres: ["Drama","Sci-Fi","Thriller"]

Summary In this scene, Sue excitedly dons a tight leather catsuit, showcasing her confidence and sensuality as she prepares for a night out. After applying bright red lipstick, she interacts with a matrix, reassuring it about her timing and care for Elisabeth, who is connected to an IV bag. The scene captures Sue's dual responsibilities and emotional tension as she leaves the secret room, her high heels echoing, while Elisabeth remains behind, highlighting the unresolved conflict between her desire for freedom and her obligation to care.
Strengths
  • Unique concept
  • Strong character development
  • High stakes
  • Emotional impact
Weaknesses
  • Pacing in some moments
  • Dialogue could be more impactful

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene is well-designed with a strong concept, intriguing plot progression, and significant character development. The execution is solid, but there are some areas for improvement.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of switching life forces and the transformation of the character are innovative and engaging. The scene explores themes of identity, aging, and self-discovery effectively.

Plot: 8.5

The plot is intriguing and moves the story forward significantly. The conflict and stakes are high, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the outcome.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a unique blend of mystery, sensuality, and luxury, creating a fresh and intriguing atmosphere. The character's actions and dialogue feel authentic and reflective of their desires.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-developed, especially the main character who undergoes a significant transformation. The dialogue is effective in conveying emotions and motivations.

Character Changes: 9

The main character undergoes a significant transformation, both physically and emotionally, leading to a profound change in their identity and outlook.

Internal Goal: 8

Sue's internal goal in this scene is to embrace her sensuality and confidence through her appearance and actions. This reflects her desire for self-expression and empowerment.

External Goal: 7

Sue's external goal is to enjoy the pleasures of the night with the dancers in the convertible car. This reflects her immediate desire for excitement and social interaction.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8.5

The conflict is intense and drives the scene forward, creating tension and suspense. The high stakes add urgency and importance to the character's actions.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create conflict and challenge the protagonist's desires, adding depth to the narrative.

High Stakes: 9

The high stakes involved in the scene, including the risk of losing one's identity and the consequences of the transformation, add tension and urgency to the narrative.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward significantly, introducing new elements, conflicts, and character dynamics that propel the narrative towards its resolution.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected juxtaposition of sensuality and societal norms, creating tension and intrigue.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

There is a philosophical conflict between Sue's inner fire and sensuality, and the societal expectations or norms represented by the IV bag and the secret room. This challenges Sue's beliefs about freedom and self-expression.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene has a strong emotional impact, especially in moments of vulnerability and transformation. The loneliness and hopefulness of the character are palpable.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue is engaging and serves the plot well, but there are moments where it could be more impactful or revealing of character motivations.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its sensory details, character development, and the sense of mystery and transformation it conveys.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, leading to a satisfying resolution.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is well-executed, with clear transitions between locations and visual descriptions that enhance the reader's understanding.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with distinct locations and character actions, contributing to the overall flow of the narrative.


Critique
  • The scene effectively uses visual imagery to convey Sue's transformation and confidence as she dons the leather catsuit. The detailed descriptions of her movements and the tactile sensations of the material create a strong sense of physicality, which is engaging for the audience.
  • The use of POV shots and extreme close-ups enhances the intimacy of the moment, allowing the audience to feel as if they are part of Sue's experience. This technique effectively immerses viewers in her transformation and the empowerment she feels.
  • The dialogue is minimal, which works well in this context, as the focus is on Sue's physical transformation rather than verbal communication. However, the line about not coming back late feels slightly disconnected from the emotional weight of the scene. It could benefit from a more poignant or reflective tone that aligns with the visual intensity.
  • The transition from the bathroom to the secret room is visually compelling, but the abrupt shift to darkness at the end of the scene could be more impactful if it were foreshadowed earlier. This would enhance the sense of foreboding and the stakes involved in Sue's actions.
  • The contrast between Sue's vibrant, confident persona and the underlying tension of her relationship with Elisabeth is well established. However, the scene could delve deeper into Sue's internal conflict regarding her actions towards Elisabeth, adding layers to her character and making her motivations clearer.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief internal monologue or reflection from Sue as she prepares to leave. This could provide insight into her thoughts and feelings about her transformation and the implications of her actions towards Elisabeth.
  • Enhance the tension by incorporating subtle hints of Elisabeth's deteriorating condition throughout the scene. This could be done through visual cues or sound design, such as faint beeping from the IV machine or a distant echo of Elisabeth's voice, reminding Sue of her responsibilities.
  • Explore the emotional stakes of Sue's actions more explicitly. Perhaps include a moment where Sue hesitates or reflects on her relationship with Elisabeth before she leaves, which would add depth to her character and create a stronger emotional connection with the audience.
  • Consider varying the pacing of the scene to build suspense. Slowing down certain moments, such as the act of zipping up the catsuit, could heighten the tension and emphasize the significance of her transformation.
  • Incorporate more sensory details to enhance the atmosphere. Describing the sounds, smells, or even the temperature of the environment could create a more immersive experience for the audience.



Scene 25 -  Contrasts of Life and Stasis
91 INT. SECRET ROOM - NIGHT 91

Elisabeth's body in stasis lying on the floor, her inert,
empty and glazed eyes, staring into nothingness.

Attached to her arm, the nutrition bag is almost empty. The
yellow liquid is slowly reaching the SWITCH mark.

A very slight muffled echo rings out in the distance.

92A INT. STAIRWELL - NIGHT 92A

Top shot on stairwell.

It's Sue, walking up the stairs of her building, back from
her night out, accompanied by a MAN (25-30), wearing a
leather jacket and carrying a motorbike helmet.

They stop regularly to kiss each other passionately.

They stumble and laugh. We quickly understand that they're
both completely drunk.

92B INT. LANDING - NIGHT 92B

In front of her apartment, he pushes her against the door and
kisses her, grabbing hold of her ass with both hands. The
ultra-tight leather of her catsuit seems to increase the
sensations... Sue is overwhelmed with desire...



THE SUBSTANCE - May 3rd 2022 - 59 -
...sc 92B


She finally frees herself gently from his embrace.

SUE
I have to go...

93 INT. SECRET ROOM - NIGHT 93

The last drops are sucked up from the I.V Bag. They go
through the perfusion pipe and up into Elisabeth's arm.

A beat.

We hear the sound of the front door opening and closing.

Footsteps amplifying, which start to run then slow down.

Sounds of chairs moving. Glasses chiming.

A low voice. A high pitched voice. The sound of laughter.

Suddenly, SMASH! The sound of broken glass.

CUT TO

94 INT. LIVING ROOM - NIGHT 94

...A broken glass smashed into pieces at Sue's feet right in
the middle of the living room’s hardwood floor. The lights
are now on and Sue looks up at the man who's holding up a
whiskey bottle in one hand, as if frozen in his gesture...

She looks at him fixedly... before bursting into laughter.

They’re completely hammered.

They let themselves fall back on the sofa.

A slight tinnitus starts buzzing in Sue’s ears, but she
ignores it, sits astride the guy and they start kissing.(we
see the silhouette of them kissing in the mirrored visor of
the motorbike helmet nearby)

The sexual tension soars. The man caresses Sue’s crotch with
his hand, brushing his lips over her neck. His tongue slides
up the silky nape of her neck. Sue’s skin tingles with goose-
bumps aroused by all the new sensations bursting inside her.

95 INT. SECRET ROOM - NIGHT 95

A very slight plastic squeaking noise is heard. Crrrriiii...

It's the perfusion bag which is now empty and starting to
shrivel with nothing left to suck up.




THE SUBSTANCE - May 3rd 2022 - 60 -
...sc 96
Genres: ["Sci-Fi","Thriller","Drama"]

Summary In a secret room, Elisabeth lies in stasis, her body inert and connected to an almost empty nutrition bag, symbolizing a loss of vitality. Meanwhile, Sue returns home from a night out, intoxicated and passionately engaging with a man, showcasing a vibrant and reckless lifestyle. The scene alternates between Elisabeth's lifeless state and Sue's chaotic revelry, highlighting the stark contrast between life and death. As Sue navigates intimate moments, the tension builds, culminating in a broken glass at her feet. The scene concludes with the nutrition bag in the secret room becoming empty, symbolizing the depletion of life.
Strengths
  • Strong character development
  • Intriguing plot twists
  • Emotional depth
  • Effective use of tension and suspense
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue could be more impactful
  • Pacing in certain sections could be improved

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene is well-crafted with a strong focus on character development, emotional impact, and plot progression. It effectively conveys tension, desire, and mystery, keeping the audience engaged throughout.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of body transformation, identity exploration, and duality is innovative and engaging. It adds depth to the narrative and allows for exploration of complex themes.

Plot: 8

The plot is intriguing and well-developed, with twists and revelations that keep the audience guessing. It moves the story forward while delving into the internal struggles of the characters.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a unique situation of a character in stasis, combined with a sensual and mysterious atmosphere. The dialogue and actions feel authentic and contribute to the character development.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters are complex and multi-dimensional, especially the two versions of Elisabeth/Sue. Their interactions and transformations add depth to the narrative and drive the emotional core of the scene.

Character Changes: 9

Both Elisabeth and Sue undergo significant changes throughout the scene, grappling with their identities, desires, and inner conflicts. Their transformations drive the narrative and emotional core of the scene.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to awaken from stasis and confront the unknown circumstances surrounding her. This reflects her desire for freedom and understanding of her situation.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to survive and escape the secret room. This reflects the immediate challenge she faces in the scene.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The scene is filled with internal and external conflicts, driving the characters to make difficult choices and confront their inner demons. The tension between the two versions of Elisabeth/Sue adds depth to the conflict.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with obstacles and challenges that create conflict and drive the characters' actions.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in the scene as the characters confront their inner demons, make difficult choices, and undergo transformative experiences. The outcome of their actions has significant consequences for their identities and relationships.

Story Forward: 8

The scene effectively moves the story forward by revealing key plot points, deepening character relationships, and setting up future conflicts and resolutions. It advances the narrative while maintaining a sense of mystery and intrigue.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected events and character interactions that keep the audience guessing about the outcome.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

There is a philosophical conflict between the protagonist's desire for freedom and the unknown forces keeping her in stasis. This challenges her beliefs about control and autonomy.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions of tension, desire, and mystery, drawing the audience into the characters' struggles and transformations. The emotional impact is central to the scene's effectiveness.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue is effective in conveying emotions, desires, and conflicts between the characters. It adds depth to their relationships and enhances the overall atmosphere of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its mysterious and sensual atmosphere, combined with the characters' internal struggles and desires.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and suspense, with well-timed reveals and character interactions that keep the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear descriptions and dialogue cues that guide the reader through the action.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a structured format with clear transitions between different locations and characters, enhancing the flow of the narrative.


Critique
  • The scene effectively contrasts the vibrant, reckless behavior of Sue with the lifeless state of Elisabeth, creating a strong visual and emotional dichotomy. However, the transition between the two settings could be more fluid to enhance the impact of the contrast. The abrupt shifts may disrupt the reader's immersion in the narrative.
  • The use of sound is notable, particularly the muffled echoes and the sounds of laughter, which help to build an atmosphere of chaos and disconnection. However, the auditory elements could be more descriptive to convey the emotional weight of the moment. For instance, elaborating on the sounds of the party could enhance the sense of Sue's escapism and Elisabeth's isolation.
  • The physicality of the characters is well depicted, especially in the intimate moments between Sue and the man. However, the scene could benefit from deeper emotional exploration. While the physical sensations are described, the internal conflict or thoughts of Sue regarding Elisabeth's state could add layers to her character and highlight the moral implications of her actions.
  • The pacing of the scene feels uneven. The buildup of Sue's drunken escapade is engaging, but the transition to the empty perfusion bag and Elisabeth's state could be more impactful if it were interspersed with Sue's thoughts or reflections. This would create a stronger emotional resonance as the reader is reminded of the consequences of Sue's actions.
  • The imagery of the broken glass is a strong visual metaphor for the chaos in Sue's life, but it could be tied more explicitly to the emotional stakes of the scene. For example, reflecting on how the broken glass symbolizes the fragility of both women's lives could deepen the thematic elements.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief internal monologue for Sue as she engages in her reckless behavior, reflecting on Elisabeth's condition and her own feelings of guilt or denial. This would enhance the emotional depth of the scene.
  • Enhance the auditory descriptions to create a more immersive atmosphere. For example, describe the specific sounds of laughter, music, and clinking glasses to evoke the chaotic party environment.
  • Explore the physical sensations of Sue in more detail, but also juxtapose them with fleeting thoughts about Elisabeth. This could create a tension between her desire for pleasure and the reality of her actions.
  • Smooth the transitions between the two settings by using more connective phrases or imagery that ties Sue's actions to Elisabeth's state, reinforcing the consequences of her choices.
  • Consider using the broken glass as a recurring motif throughout the scene, perhaps by having Sue reflect on it as a symbol of her life or her relationship with Elisabeth, thereby deepening the thematic resonance.



Scene 26 -  Desperate Choices
96 INT. LIVING ROOM - NIGHT 96

They kiss more and more greedily... plip ... a drop of blood
falls on the guy’s white t-shirt...

But Sue decides to ignore it; her eyes glowing more
feverishly every second, she takes off the guy’s t shirt...

Slides her hands down his naked chest...

97 INT. SECRET ROOM - NIGHT 97

CRRRRRiiiii The sound of plastic is increasingly high pitched
as the empty perfusion bag crumples up more and more.

98 INT. LIVING ROOM - NIGHT 98

Sue’s hands reach for the man’s trousers... and unbuckle his
belt...

99 INT. SECRET ROOM - NIGHT 99

CRRRRRiiiiiiiiii the perfusion bag desperately tries to
suck something in...

100 INT. LIVING ROOM - NIGHT 100

Sue unbuttons his trousers and slips her hand into his boxer
shor...

Plip plip plip plip the drops of blood fall on the man’s
chest at an escalating rhythm...

THE SOUND IS MUFFLED. THE IMAGE FLICKERS as if a black veil
were intermittently being thrown over the screen.

MAN
Are you alright?

Sue feels more and more overwhelmed... She starts hearing
noises from inside her own body... Boom BOOM... Boom BOOM...
her heartbeat accelerates.... BoomBOOMBoomBOOMBoomBOOM...

SUE
Give me a minute...

She gets up and we follow her as she hurries into the hallway
with a staggering step BoomBOOMBoomBOOMBoomBOOM
BoomBOOMBoomBOOMBoomBOOM




THE SUBSTANCE - May 3rd 2022 - 61 -
...sc 101

101 INT. BATHROOM / SECRET ROOM - NIGHT 101

She locks herself in the bathroom, and opens the door
communicating with the secret room to discover what she
already knows...

The nutrition bag is empty. It is now only a plastic
compression shrivelled into itself as Elisabeth's body,
increasingly pale, attempts to mechanically suck up what
isn't there...

Sue hunches over the sink as the drops of blood grow more
frequent; her tinnitus blares loudly inside her head, the
pain is unbearable.

She HAS to switch.

FUCK! What shitty timing!

We can sense all her frustration explode, while she looks at
Elisabeth’s lifeless body on the ground.

This body that she has no desire to get back into...

MAN (O.S.)
Are you alright?

Sue looks at herself in the mirror... the camera slowly
tightens on her shining eyes... as if an idea was taking
shape in her mind...

SUE
YES I’LL BE RIGHT BACK!

She opens the small bathroom cabinet and looks at the
puncture needle...

...the second nutrition bag...

Her foot presses down on the pedal of the trash can - CLACK –
revealing the seven small empty vials at the bottom of the
bucket...

She looks down at them for a long moment, her eyes
shining...(she grabs the vial)

CUT TO:

102 INT. SECRET ROOM - NIGHT 102

SUE'S MANICURED HAND clips one of the empty vials onto the
puncture syringe...

She flips the matrix onto her side... AND SLOWLY LIFTS UP THE
BANDAGE on her back...




THE SUBSTANCE - May 3rd 2022 - 62 -
...sc 102


After a short moment of hesitation during which she looks at
the puncture site, contemplating what she's about to do...
Sue casts aside her last doubts...

... AND SHE SLOWLY PUSHES THE LONG NEEDLE into Elisabeth’s
spinal column...

ELISABETH’S GLAZED EYE STARING INTO SPACE - her pupil
slightly trembles while Sue pulls slowly on the plunger and
the transparent fluid starts to trickle into the syringe...

SUE
Just a few more hours...

Once the vial is half full, Sue unclips it and SWIK! Jabs
herself in the thigh, as she does everyday, when it’s her
week.

HER PUPIL DILATES – She closes her eyes for a few moments, as
her body absorbs the shot... She can hear her heartbeat
slowing down, the ringing in her head abates...

She hurries to plug in the second perfusion bag, which was
normally meant for her, in Elisabeth's arm. A small gurgling
sound... then a bubble rises up inside the pipe... and the
thick liquid starts slowly making its way up the tubing...

Slowly but surely, Elisabeth’s breathing becomes normal
again.

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Drama","Sci-Fi","Thriller"]

Summary In a tense scene, Sue grapples with her physical needs during a passionate encounter with a man while Elisabeth's lifeless body lies in a secret room. Overwhelmed, Sue realizes she must extract fluid from Elisabeth to sustain herself. After a moment of hesitation, she injects herself, stabilizing her condition and reviving Elisabeth's breathing, highlighting the stark contrast between intimacy and desperation.
Strengths
  • Intense atmosphere
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
  • Tension-building
Weaknesses
  • Potential for confusion with the body switching concept
  • Complexity of themes may require audience engagement

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene is well-crafted with a high level of tension, emotional depth, and significant character development. The intense atmosphere and the pivotal decision-making process of Sue contribute to the overall impact.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of body switching and the moral dilemma faced by Sue are intriguing and thought-provoking. The scene delves into complex themes of identity and self-preservation.

Plot: 8

The plot progression in the scene is significant as it revolves around a crucial decision that impacts the characters' fates. The conflict and stakes are heightened, driving the narrative forward.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on the concept of body switching, exploring the psychological and ethical consequences in a unique and compelling way. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds depth and complexity to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters, especially Sue, are well-developed and undergo internal struggles that add depth to the scene. Their motivations and emotions are effectively portrayed.

Character Changes: 8

Sue undergoes a significant internal change as she confronts her decision to switch bodies, showcasing her desperation and inner turmoil. This change drives the narrative forward.

Internal Goal: 8

Sue's internal goal in this scene is to deal with her frustration and reluctance towards her current situation. She is conflicted about having to switch bodies and is struggling with the emotional and physical toll of the process.

External Goal: 7

Sue's external goal is to maintain the appearance of normalcy and control in front of the man she is with, despite the chaotic and urgent situation she is dealing with in the secret room.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is intense and internal, as Sue grapples with a life-changing decision. The stakes are high, adding to the suspense and emotional impact.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Sue facing internal and external challenges that test her beliefs and values. The uncertainty and conflict add depth to the narrative and keep the audience engaged.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes in the scene are high, as Sue faces a life-altering decision that could have profound consequences for her and Elisabeth. The outcome will determine their fates.

Story Forward: 9

The scene propels the story forward by introducing a critical turning point that impacts the characters' trajectories. It sets the stage for further developments and reveals key character motivations.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists and turns in the characters' actions and decisions. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of how the situation will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the ethical implications of body switching and the moral dilemmas Sue faces in her actions. It challenges her beliefs about identity, autonomy, and the value of life.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions from the audience, particularly anxiety, tension, and empathy towards Sue's dilemma. The emotional depth adds layers to the character dynamics.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue is impactful and reflects the characters' emotional states. It conveys the urgency and tension of the situation, enhancing the overall atmosphere.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense and suspenseful tone, as well as the emotional and moral dilemmas faced by the characters. The escalating tension and dramatic revelations keep the audience invested in the story.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a gradual build-up of tension and suspense, punctuated by moments of emotional intensity and revelation. The rhythm of the scene enhances its effectiveness in conveying the characters' internal struggles.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and concise, with effective use of visual and auditory cues to enhance the atmosphere and tension. It follows the expected format for its genre.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a non-linear structure, alternating between the living room and the secret room, creating a sense of suspense and mystery. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the effectiveness of the scene.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension by alternating between Sue's passionate encounter and Elisabeth's desperate state, creating a stark contrast that heightens the stakes. However, the pacing feels uneven; the rapid shifts between the two locations can be disorienting for the audience. Consider slowing down the transitions to allow viewers to absorb the emotional weight of each moment.
  • The use of sound is compelling, particularly the heartbeat and tinnitus effects that reflect Sue's internal struggle. However, the dialogue from the man feels somewhat generic and lacks depth. It would be beneficial to give him a more distinct voice or perspective that adds to the tension or reveals something about Sue's character.
  • Sue's internal conflict is palpable, but her motivations could be clearer. While it's evident she is overwhelmed, the scene could benefit from a more explicit exploration of her feelings about switching back to Elisabeth's body. This would enhance the emotional stakes and provide a deeper understanding of her character's desperation.
  • The visual imagery is strong, particularly the blood drops and the crumpling perfusion bag, which symbolize the life-and-death stakes at play. However, the description of the 'black veil' flickering over the screen is somewhat vague. Clarifying this imagery could enhance the visual storytelling and make the audience feel more connected to Sue's disorientation.
  • The climax of the scene, where Sue decides to inject herself with Elisabeth's spinal fluid, is impactful but could be more dramatic. Adding a moment of hesitation or a flashback to a previous moment between the two characters could deepen the emotional resonance of this decision.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more internal monologue or visual cues that reflect Sue's emotional turmoil as she grapples with her decision to switch back to Elisabeth's body. This could help the audience empathize with her plight.
  • Enhance the dialogue from the man to make it more specific or revealing about Sue's character. This could create a more engaging dynamic and add layers to the scene.
  • Slow down the transitions between the living room and the secret room to allow the audience to fully absorb the emotional stakes of each setting. This could involve lingering on Sue's expressions or Elisabeth's condition before cutting away.
  • Clarify the 'black veil' imagery to ensure it effectively conveys Sue's disorientation. This could involve more specific descriptions of how the visuals change or how they affect her perception.
  • Incorporate a moment of reflection or a flashback that highlights Sue's relationship with Elisabeth before the injection scene. This could add depth to her decision and make the stakes feel more personal.



Scene 27 -  Intimacy and Horror
103 INT. LIVING ROOM - NIGHT 103

The man opens his eyes and Sue is once again straddling him,
like an apparition, very close to his face.

MAN
Mmmm...
(needing a moment to
reconnect)
...what did you do? You seem even
more beautiful than befor-

She starts kissing him. More and more greedily.

THE MAN PLACES HIS HANDS ON HER THIGHS... kneading the
leather while making their way to her ass...

104 INT. SECRET ROOM - NIGHT 104

INSIDE THE DARK ROOM - Elisabeth's limp and heavy thigh lies
still on the cold tiles.

Her foot dangling.



THE SUBSTANCE - May 3rd 2022 - 63 -
...sc 104


The second bag of food attached to her arm which slowly
empties...

105 INT. LIVING ROOM - NIGHT 105

CROSS-DISSOLVE ON THE MAN’S HANDS as they work their way up
Sue’s ass to her waist...

106 INT. SECRET ROOM - NIGHT 106

IN THE DARK ROOM - The yellowish paste that makes it way up
the IV tube with a small gurgling noise.

107 INT. LIVING ROOM - NIGHT 107

IN THE LIVING ROOM - THE MAN’S HANDS CLOSING AROUND SUE’S
WAIST, SLIDING UP HER BACK... arriving at her neck and slowly
pulling down the zipper of her catsuit.

The zipper slides slowly down Sue’s back...and we see...

...ALL SPEW OUT OF
OF HER INSIDE ORGANS
THE SUIT AS THE ZIPPER GOES DOWN AS
THOUGH IT WERE OPENING SUE’S BODY
IN TWO...
HER ORGANS SPLATTER ON THE FLOOR IN A BLOODY MAGMA-
LIKE MASS:

SPLOTCH!
108 INT. SECRET ROOM - DAY 108

AHAAAAAAAAAAA ... ELISABETH wakes up with a start inside
the secret room. She coughs, spits, clutches her throat... as
though she had been asphyxiated.

Sue’s body is lying next to her in stasis on the other side
of the switch pipe.

It takes a moment for the horrific nightmare to fade as
Elisabeth tries to gather her wits. Ouch... We can tell that
her whole body aches and that she is in a fog.

She looks confused when she discovers... the small empty vial
on the ground next to her... and the second perfusion bag
which has already been emptied half a notch’s worth.

She clips it onto Sue’s arm and she goes into the bathroom.


THE SUBSTANCE - May 3rd 2022 - 64 -
...sc 109

109 INT. BATHROOM - DAY 109

She puts her bathrobe on. A glance in the mirror: she looks
dreadful... and she has an enormous hangover. She touches her
back, it’s a bit sore.
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary The scene juxtaposes an intimate moment between a man and Sue, who appears more beautiful than ever, with the horrifying reality of Elisabeth waking up in a secret room, disoriented and connected to an empty IV. As the man explores Sue's body, the zipper of her catsuit is pulled down, revealing a shocking visual of her organs spilling out. The scene shifts back to Elisabeth, who, after realizing her grim surroundings, clips a perfusion bag onto Sue's arm before confronting her disheveled reflection in the bathroom, feeling the effects of a hangover.
Strengths
  • Strong character development
  • Intense emotional impact
  • Intriguing concept
Weaknesses
  • Minimal dialogue
  • Complex narrative may be challenging for some viewers to follow

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene is well-crafted with a strong focus on character development, plot progression, and emotional impact. It effectively builds tension and sets up a complex narrative.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of a body switch and its consequences is intriguing and adds depth to the narrative. It creates a sense of mystery and suspense that keeps the audience engaged.

Plot: 8.5

The plot is engaging and moves the story forward by introducing new challenges and conflicts for the characters. It sets up future developments and adds layers to the overall narrative.

Originality: 9

The scene is original in its approach to blending sensuality and horror, as well as the use of medical imagery to create a sense of unease. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-developed and undergo significant changes throughout the scene. Their motivations, fears, and desires are effectively portrayed, adding depth to the story.

Character Changes: 9

Both characters undergo significant changes in the scene, facing dilemmas and making difficult choices that impact their identities and relationships.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to reconnect with Sue and express his desire for her. This reflects his need for intimacy and connection, as well as his attraction to Sue.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to engage in a physical relationship with Sue. This reflects the immediate circumstances of their encounter and the desire for physical intimacy.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8.5

The conflict in the scene is high, with the characters facing internal and external challenges that push them to their limits. The stakes are raised, creating tension and suspense.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist facing internal and external challenges that add complexity to the narrative and drive the conflict forward.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes in the scene are high, with the characters facing life-changing decisions and consequences. The risks involved add tension and urgency to the narrative.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing key developments, conflicts, and revelations that set the stage for future events. It advances the narrative in a compelling way.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the sudden shift from intimacy to horror, as well as the unexpected events that unfold in the secret room.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the juxtaposition of intimacy and horror, as the sensual moments in the living room are contrasted with the gruesome events in the secret room. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs about love and desire, as well as the darker aspects of human nature.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a strong emotional impact, evoking feelings of anxiety, fear, and empathy for the characters. The intense moments and character struggles resonate with the audience.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue is minimal but impactful, conveying the characters' emotions and inner turmoil effectively. It adds to the atmosphere of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its blend of sensuality and horror, as well as the tension created by the juxtaposition of different tones and themes.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension and suspense, as well as creating a sense of unease and anticipation.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings and descriptions that enhance the visual storytelling.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with a clear progression of events and a focus on building tension and suspense.


Critique
  • The scene effectively juxtaposes the sensuality of Sue's encounter with the man against the stark horror of Elisabeth's condition, creating a powerful contrast that heightens the emotional stakes. However, the transition between these two realities could be more fluid; the cross-dissolves feel somewhat abrupt and could benefit from smoother visual or thematic connections.
  • The visceral imagery of Sue's organs spilling out is shocking and impactful, but it may come off as gratuitous without sufficient buildup or context. The audience might need more emotional grounding in Sue's character to fully appreciate the horror of this moment, rather than just being shocked by the graphic nature of the scene.
  • Elisabeth's awakening in the secret room is a strong moment, but the scene could delve deeper into her emotional state. Providing more internal dialogue or physical reactions could enhance the audience's connection to her plight and the horror of her situation.
  • The pacing of the scene feels uneven; the initial intimate moments between Sue and the man are drawn out, while Elisabeth's awakening and realization are rushed. Balancing the pacing to give equal weight to both characters' experiences would create a more cohesive narrative flow.
  • The dialogue is minimal, which works for the tone of the scene, but adding a few lines that reflect Sue's internal conflict or Elisabeth's desperation could enrich the emotional depth. This would also help to clarify the stakes for both characters.
Suggestions
  • Consider using more subtle transitions between the intimate moments and the horror elements, perhaps through sound design or visual motifs that echo between the two settings.
  • Explore Sue's character more deeply before the shocking moment of her organs spilling out. This could involve showing her thoughts or feelings about her actions, making the horror more impactful.
  • Add internal monologue or physical reactions for Elisabeth as she wakes up. This could include her thoughts on her situation, her physical pain, or her emotional turmoil, which would help the audience empathize with her.
  • Adjust the pacing to allow for a more gradual build-up to the climax of the scene. This could involve extending the intimate moments slightly or adding more detail to Elisabeth's awakening.
  • Incorporate brief dialogue or thoughts from both Sue and Elisabeth that reflect their emotional states, enhancing the audience's understanding of their struggles and the stakes involved.



Scene 28 -  Aftermath of the Night
110 INT. CORRIDOR / LIVING ROOM - DAY 110

She walks down the hallway dragging her feet. It’s day now. A
beat as she discovers... Sue’s clothing strewn on the floor:
her boots... her leather catsuit... her lingerie... They make
a trail down the hallway all the way to the bed, which we see
from afar: unmade, rumpled sheets attesting to a night of
lovemaking.

We can see that Elisabeth is trying to connect with her
memories of the night before... but she doesn’t seem to
remember a thing.

She makes her way to the living room where she discovers the
aftermath of the evening’s festivities: half-empty glasses,
full ashtrays...

She walks towards the picture window - a post-it note is
stuck on it:

Too drunk to take the bike home,
keep an eye on her ;)

TROY (812 674 839!)

Elisabeth reaches out to grab the post-it note AND SHE
IMMEDIATELY RETRACTS HER HAND as if she’d seen something
awful, something frightening...

She slowly lifts her hand into her field of vision...and in
complete shock she sees...

...her finger.

Her index finger is crooked and swollen, deformed with
arthritis... her fingernail is yellow and the skin withered
like an old woman’s finger - while the rest of her hand is
normal.

WHAT THE F...!

111 OMITTED 111


112 INT. BATHROOM - DAY 112

She turns around and hurries into the bathroom, runs the cold
water in the sink and puts her index finger under the faucet.
She scrubs and scrubs her finger, but to no avail, the
deformation is still there.


THE SUBSTANCE - May 3rd 2022 - 65 -
...sc 112


She stares at her index finger.

The horribly withered skin.

The protruding and swollen blue veins.

The deformed knuckles.

She closes her eyes, tensing her face...and her expression
hardens as what happened becomes progressively clear to her.

She looks at Sue’s body on the floor.

The stranded empty vial next to her.

She lowers the back of her bathrobe and twists around, trying
to see the reflection of her back in the mirror.

The puncture site is red, slightly swollen... and ouch...
painful to touch.

She closes her eyes a moment, her hand clinging to the sink’s
edge, with this deformed finger that stands out against the
white porcelain.

Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck...
Genres: ["Drama","Mystery","Thriller"]

Summary Elisabeth navigates a disheveled hallway, piecing together the remnants of a chaotic night filled with intimacy and drug use. As she confronts the physical evidence of her actions, including a deformed finger and a painful puncture on her back, she is engulfed by confusion and horror. The scene captures her internal struggle as she grapples with the unsettling reality of her situation, culminating in a state of panic.
Strengths
  • Strong emotional impact
  • Effective revelation of deception
  • Intriguing mystery setup
Weaknesses
  • Limited dialogue
  • Slightly predictable reveal

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively creates a sense of shock and intrigue through the revelation of the character's deformed finger and the implication of a hidden truth. The emotional impact is strong, and the tone is consistent with the mystery and thriller genres.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of deception and transformation is intriguing and well-executed in the scene. The idea of a character discovering a hidden truth about themselves adds depth to the story and raises questions about identity and reality.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene revolves around the revelation of the character's deception and sets up further mystery and conflict. It moves the story forward by introducing a new layer of complexity and raising the stakes for the character.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on the theme of consequences and self-discovery, with a unique twist involving physical deformity. The authenticity of the protagonist's actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters in the scene are well-developed, with the main character experiencing a significant change as they confront the truth about themselves. The emotional impact on the character is palpable, adding depth to their arc.

Character Changes: 8

The character undergoes a significant change in the scene as they confront the truth about themselves and the consequences of their deception. This moment of realization marks a turning point in their journey and sets up further development.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to understand what happened the night before and come to terms with the consequences of her actions. This reflects her deeper need for self-awareness and accountability.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to physically deal with the consequences of her actions, specifically the deformity of her finger. This reflects the immediate challenge she is facing in trying to understand what happened the night before.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict in the scene arises from the character's internal struggle with the revelation of their deception and the implications of their actions. It creates tension and raises the stakes for the character, driving the narrative forward.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, as the protagonist faces a physical deformity that challenges her sense of self and agency. The audience is left uncertain about the outcome.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in the scene as the character grapples with the consequences of their deception and the impact it has on their identity. The revelation of the deformed finger raises the stakes and sets up further challenges for the character.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by revealing a crucial piece of information about the character and setting up new conflicts and mysteries to be explored. It propels the narrative towards a deeper exploration of identity and deception.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twist involving the protagonist's physical deformity, which adds a layer of complexity and intrigue to the narrative.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the protagonist's struggle with the consequences of her actions and the realization of her own mortality. This challenges her beliefs about control and responsibility.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking fear, shock, and intrigue in the audience. The character's discovery of their deformed finger and the implications of their actions create a sense of unease and anticipation.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the character's shock and confusion, adding to the overall tone of mystery and thriller. The sparse dialogue enhances the visual storytelling and allows the character's actions to speak louder.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the suspenseful buildup, emotional intensity, and the protagonist's compelling journey of self-discovery. The mystery surrounding the deformity adds to the intrigue.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a gradual buildup of tension and suspense leading to the protagonist's realization. The rhythm of the scene enhances its effectiveness.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and easy to follow, with distinct visual cues and transitions between locations. It adheres to the expected format for its genre.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows a logical progression from discovery to realization, with a clear focus on the protagonist's internal and external goals. The formatting is consistent with the genre.


Critique
  • The scene effectively conveys Elisabeth's disorientation and horror upon discovering the aftermath of the previous night. The use of visual elements, such as the scattered clothing and the unmade bed, creates a vivid picture of the chaos and intimacy that occurred, enhancing the emotional impact.
  • The contrast between Elisabeth's normal hand and the deformed finger serves as a powerful metaphor for her internal struggle and the consequences of her actions. This physical manifestation of her trauma is compelling and adds depth to her character's plight.
  • The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a gradual build-up of tension as Elisabeth uncovers the remnants of the night. The use of beats, such as her initial shock at the post-it note and the subsequent horror of her finger, effectively heightens the emotional stakes.
  • However, the dialogue is minimal, which can be effective in conveying Elisabeth's shock, but it may benefit from some internal monologue or thoughts to provide insight into her emotional state. This could help the audience connect more deeply with her experience.
  • The transition from the hallway to the bathroom is smooth, but the scene could benefit from more sensory details to immerse the audience further. Describing the sounds, smells, or even the feeling of the cold water could enhance the atmosphere and Elisabeth's emotional state.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief internal monologue or thoughts from Elisabeth as she processes her surroundings. This could provide more context for her emotional state and help the audience empathize with her confusion and horror.
  • Incorporate more sensory details to enrich the scene. Describing the sounds of the bustling city outside, the smell of stale alcohol, or the feeling of the cold water could create a more immersive experience for the audience.
  • Explore the use of flashbacks or fragmented memories to illustrate Elisabeth's struggle to recall the previous night. This could add layers to her character and emphasize the impact of her choices.
  • Consider varying the pacing in certain moments to create a more dramatic effect. For instance, slowing down the moment when she discovers her finger could heighten the tension and allow the audience to fully absorb her shock.
  • Ensure that the emotional stakes are clear. Perhaps include a moment where Elisabeth reflects on her relationship with Sue or the implications of her actions, which could deepen the audience's understanding of her internal conflict.



Scene 29 -  Unraveling Control
113 INT. KITCHEN - DAY 113

Elisabeth sits at the table, on the phone.

The insistent ringing tone...

Bri-ing...Bri-ing..

Through the picture window, Sue’s gigantic billboard staring
right back at her in silence.

Her bright, dazzling smile...



PUMP IT UP
Bri-ing...Bri-ing

Yes?

Elisabeth sits up straighter in her chair when the cavernous
voice answers.

ELISABETH
Yes hi...

She winces a little, her back slightly in pain.



THE SUBSTANCE - May 3rd 2022 - 66 -
...sc 113


ELISABETH (CONT’D)
(clearing her throat.)
This is Elisabeth Sparkle.

Silence on the other end of the line.

ELISABETH (CONT’D)
...on Beverly drive?

Still nothing.

ELISABETH (CONT’D)
...I am uh...
(hesitant)
...503?

Yes.

ELISABETH (CONT’D)
Yes... Hi...

An embarrassed pause. She’s gathering her courage as she
stares at her deformed finger.

ELISABETH (CONT’D)
Listen... there has been a
slight...

She’s walking on eggshells, carefully choosing her words.

ELISABETH (CONT’D)
...misuse... of The Substance...

She nervously rubs her index finger.

ELISABETH (CONT’D)
A few extra hours were...
accidentally used...causing...
(a beat)
...an alteration.

Long silence at the other end of the line.

Nothing but the crackling.

Elisabeth wiggles, uneasy in her chair.

ELISABETH (CONT’D)
So... what’s the procedure to
reverse it?

A long beat. The line crackles.

What has been used on one side is lost on the other side.

There is no going back.

A beat.


THE SUBSTANCE - May 3rd 2022 - 67 -
...sc 113


Elisabeth’s shock and dismay.

ELISABETH (CONT’D)
No, but, listen I don’t know what
she was thinking she was drunk
obviousl-

Remember there is no “she” and “you”, you are one.

Elisabeth closes her eyes, tensing her face to try and put
her thoughts in order.

ELISABETH (CONT’D)
Right...

A beat.

ELISABETH (CONT’D)
But I can’t even remember what
happened during the extra time! So
there should b-

The balance is perfect at seven days.

Respect the balance and you won’t have any more
inconveniences.

A beat. The line goes dead.

Elisabeth doesn’t move for a long moment, as if she were hit
by a ton of bricks.

Then she gets up abruptly and starts automatically cleaning
up after the prior evening’s festivities, so as to try and
channel her emotions.

She empties the glasses and the ashtrays.

Disgusting.

She goes to the picture window, rips off the post-it note.

She crumples the post-it into a ball, which she throws into
the garbage.

She takes the trash bag out of the can and triple knots the
ties.

She throws the motorbike helmet out on the landing.

VIEW FROM INSIDE THE TRASH CAN AS IT OPENS - she throws the
trash bag inside, covering the camera and thus creating
DARKNESS




THE SUBSTANCE - May 3rd 2022 - 68 -
...sc 114
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In her kitchen, Elisabeth grapples with the aftermath of a serious mistake involving 'The Substance' during a tense phone call. As she learns that the disruption is irreversible, her anxiety escalates. Alone, she attempts to regain control by cleaning up remnants of a party, symbolized by the trash and a discarded motorbike helmet. The scene culminates in a dark moment as she throws the trash bag away, reflecting her despair and the weight of her actions.
Strengths
  • Strong emotional impact
  • Intriguing concept
  • Tension and mystery
Weaknesses
  • Some ambiguity in the substance's effects
  • Limited external action

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively creates tension and mystery through the phone conversation and Elisabeth's reactions. The emotional impact is strong, and the consequences of the substance add depth to the plot.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a mysterious substance causing alterations and the characters' reactions to it is intriguing and adds depth to the story. The balance and consequences explored in the scene are central themes.

Plot: 8

The plot is advanced through the revelation of the substance's effects and Elisabeth's realization of the situation. The consequences of the substance drive the narrative forward.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a unique substance with transformative properties and explores the consequences of its misuse. The dialogue is cryptic and layered, adding depth to the characters and their motivations.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

Elisabeth's emotional journey and reaction to the substance misuse are well-portrayed, adding depth to her character. The mysterious voice on the phone also adds intrigue and tension.

Character Changes: 8

Elisabeth undergoes a significant emotional change as she grapples with the consequences of the substance misuse. Her shock and realization drive her character development in the scene.

Internal Goal: 8

Elisabeth's internal goal in this scene is to rectify a mistake involving 'The Substance' and deal with the consequences of its misuse. This reflects her desire to maintain control and order in her life, as well as her fear of the unknown and potential repercussions.

External Goal: 7

Elisabeth's external goal is to reverse the alteration caused by the misuse of 'The Substance' and understand the procedure for doing so. This reflects her immediate challenge of dealing with the aftermath of the mistake.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict in the scene arises from Elisabeth's realization of the irreversible consequences of the substance misuse. The tension is driven by her internal struggle and the mysterious voice on the phone.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Elisabeth facing consequences for the misuse of 'The Substance' and struggling to find a solution. The audience is unsure of how she will overcome this obstacle.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high as Elisabeth faces the irreversible consequences of the substance misuse. Her choices and actions in the scene have significant implications for the story.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by revealing the effects of the substance and Elisabeth's reaction to them. It sets up further developments in the plot and deepens the mystery.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the mysterious nature of 'The Substance' and the cryptic dialogue between characters. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of what will happen next.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the idea of balance and consequences. Elisabeth must navigate the rules and expectations surrounding 'The Substance' and come to terms with the irreversible nature of certain actions.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, with Elisabeth's shock and dismay palpable throughout. The consequences of the substance add depth to the characters and the story.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue effectively conveys Elisabeth's shock and confusion, as well as the mysterious nature of the substance and its consequences. The dialogue drives the emotional impact of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its tense atmosphere, cryptic dialogue, and the sense of mystery surrounding 'The Substance'. The reader is drawn into Elisabeth's dilemma and the consequences of her actions.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and suspense. The rhythm of the dialogue and action lines keeps the reader engaged and invested in Elisabeth's dilemma.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings, action lines, and dialogue. The formatting enhances the readability and flow of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a structured format with clear action lines and dialogue. It builds tension effectively and progresses the narrative.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures Elisabeth's emotional turmoil and desperation as she grapples with the consequences of her actions regarding 'The Substance.' The use of the phone call as a device to convey her anxiety and the gravity of the situation is well-executed, allowing the audience to feel her tension and fear of the unknown.
  • The contrast between the vibrant billboard of Sue and Elisabeth's deteriorating state is a powerful visual metaphor that underscores the theme of identity loss and the impact of societal expectations on self-worth. This juxtaposition is compelling and adds depth to the narrative.
  • Elisabeth's physical discomfort, indicated by her winces and the mention of her deformed finger, effectively symbolizes her internal struggle and the physical toll of her choices. However, the dialogue could be tightened to enhance the pacing and maintain tension throughout the scene.
  • The dialogue, while reflective of Elisabeth's hesitance and anxiety, occasionally feels repetitive, particularly in her attempts to clarify her situation. Streamlining her speech could heighten the urgency and emotional weight of her predicament.
  • The ending, where Elisabeth begins to clean up after the party, serves as a metaphor for her attempt to regain control over her chaotic life. However, the transition from the phone call to her cleaning feels abrupt. A smoother transition could enhance the flow of the scene and better connect her emotional state to her actions.
Suggestions
  • Consider tightening the dialogue to eliminate repetitive phrases and enhance the urgency of Elisabeth's situation. For example, instead of saying 'there has been a slight... misuse... of The Substance,' she could say, 'I misused The Substance.' This would convey the same message more directly.
  • Explore more sensory details to immerse the audience in Elisabeth's emotional state. For instance, describe the sounds of the party remnants or the smell of alcohol lingering in the kitchen to create a more vivid atmosphere.
  • Enhance the visual symbolism by incorporating more physical actions that reflect Elisabeth's emotional state. For example, as she cleans, she could throw away items that symbolize her past or her connection to Sue, reinforcing her desire to distance herself from her former life.
  • Consider adding a moment of reflection where Elisabeth acknowledges her feelings about Sue's success and her own failures. This could deepen her character development and provide insight into her internal conflict.
  • To improve the transition from the phone call to the cleaning, consider adding a brief moment of silence or a physical reaction from Elisabeth that emphasizes the weight of the conversation before she begins her cleaning ritual.



Scene 30 -  Fleeting Hopes
114 INT. BATHROOM - EVENING 114

It’s night. Elisabeth, in her nightgown, looks at her
reflection in the mirror with a harsh expression, as she
brushes her teeth.

THE GNARLED FINGER ON THE TOOTHBRUSH brushing back and
forth... mixing saliva and toothpaste... brush up... brush
down... up... down. Elisabeth lost in her thoughts...

She gargles, spits and puts the toothbrush back in its glass.
She picks up her night cream in a well-rehearsed ritual.

She puts it on her face, still absorbed in her thoughts as
the white cream penetrates her skin;

She puts the cover back on the jar of cream and is about to
put it back in place on the shelf... when she stops... she
looks at the jar and focuses on the inscription:

ULTIMATE YOUTH
Intensive regenerating night cream

She slowly unscrews the jar top and stares at the glossy
white cream inside...

And then slowly, takes her crooked finger and progressively
dips it into the cream... She sticks her finger all the way
in until it is completely covered.

She waits for a moment... carefully turning her finger in the
white cream... and then slowly removing it; the finger now
entirely covered in glistening white cream as though it was a
poultice covering the skin.

With her other hand she searches through the small cabinet
and takes out a crepe bandage, which she wraps and knots
around the cream-covered finger.

Like a little doll in a cocoon at the end of her hand.

She presses lightly on the doll... which oozes cream.

Good. It’s soaking in.

She looks in the mirror and shuts off the light : BLACK

115 INT. BEDROOM - NIGHT 115

Elisabeth lying in bed staring at the ceiling.

HER BANDAGED HAND carefully resting palm down on the sheets.

Her figure is entirely still in the darkness.




THE SUBSTANCE - May 3rd 2022 - 69 -
...sc 115


Dominated by the palm tree’s black shadow in the night, which
looks like a giant spider.

CUT TO:

116 I/E. BEDROOM / WINDOW PALM TREE - DAY 116

THE GREEN PALM TREE AGAINST THE BRIGHT BLUE SKY

IN THE BEDROOM, the sheets are bathed in sunlight; we can see
the outline of where Elisabeth was lying in the bed, and we
understand that she stayed perfectly still the entire night.

CUT TO:

117 INT. BATHROOM - DAY 117

THE HAND WITH THE BANDAGED FINGER spreads out over the sink.

Elisabeth stays still for a moment, then she starts
unwrapping the bandage... the anxiety in her eyes as she
unrolls slowly revealing her finger...

The dried out cream leaves a type of plaster-like crust
covering the skin.

She turns on the faucet and soaks her finger in the stream of
water to dissolve the white crust.

She delicately wipes her hand with a terry-cloth towel and
stretches her hand out over the sink to see the result...

Nothing has changed.

Her finger is still just as wrinkled and deformed by
arthritis; brownish age spots are scattered on her skin.

Elisabeth’s eyes fill with emotion which she does her best to
channel as she tries to wrap her mind around this excrescence
that is eating away at her hand.

Her hand starts shaking, betraying how upset she really is.
Her last hopes - that she knew were in vain - are swept away
for good.

CUT TO:

118 INT. KITCHEN - DAY 118

THE KITCHEN TABLE IN THE FOREGROUND where a new big white
note card is found:




THE SUBSTANCE - May 3rd 2022 - 70 -
...sc 118


We hope you are enjoying your experience with
THE SUBSTANCE
Your two week refill kit has been delivered
to your deposit box

In the background, through the door that leads to the living
room, we see the TV on, but we can’t hear the sound, covered
by a humming noise that grows louder...and louder...

...and Elisabeth is crossing the frame in the background as
she’s pushing the vacuum cleaner from left to right... then
right to left... sweeping back and forth like a small
foosball figurine moving straight in its axis...

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Drama","Mystery"]

Summary In a poignant scene, Elisabeth, dressed in her nightgown, engages in her nightly skincare routine, fixating on a jar of 'Ultimate Youth' cream. After applying the cream and bandaging her finger, she wakes up to find no change, leading to her disappointment. The scene shifts to the kitchen, where a note about a refill kit is visible as she vacuums, highlighting her internal struggle with aging and self-image. The tone is introspective and melancholic, emphasizing her emotional turmoil.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth of Elisabeth's character
  • Symbolism of the night cream
  • Visual storytelling through actions
Weaknesses
  • Limited external conflict
  • Minimal dialogue

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys Elisabeth's emotional journey and inner conflict regarding her aging process. The use of the night cream as a symbol of hope and subsequent disappointment adds depth to the character.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of using a night cream called 'Ultimate Youth' as a symbol of hope and disappointment in the face of aging is compelling. It adds depth to Elisabeth's character and explores universal themes of mortality and self-image.

Plot: 7.5

The plot of the scene revolves around Elisabeth's struggle with aging and her attempt to reverse its effects using the night cream. While it is focused on character development rather than plot progression, it effectively conveys Elisabeth's emotional journey.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh approach to the theme of aging and beauty by using the night cream as a symbolic tool for Elisabeth's internal conflict. The authenticity of Elisabeth's actions and emotions adds depth to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 8

Elisabeth is the central character in the scene, and her emotional turmoil and disappointment are well-portrayed. The scene delves into her inner conflict and vulnerability, making her a relatable and complex character.

Character Changes: 7

Elisabeth undergoes a subtle change in the scene, moving from hope and anticipation to disappointment and acceptance regarding her aging process. Her emotional journey is central to the character development.

Internal Goal: 9

Elisabeth's internal goal in this scene is to confront her aging and mortality, as symbolized by her deformed finger and the night cream promising youth. This reflects her deeper fear of losing her beauty and vitality.

External Goal: 7

Elisabeth's external goal in this scene is to try the night cream in hopes of regenerating her finger and maintaining her youth. This goal reflects the immediate challenge she faces in dealing with her aging appearance.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 4

The conflict in the scene is internal, revolving around Elisabeth's struggle with aging and her disappointment in the night cream's ineffectiveness. It is more about emotional conflict than external action.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong as Elisabeth's hopes for youth are dashed by the reality of her aging appearance. The emotional conflict she faces adds depth to the narrative.

High Stakes: 5

The stakes in the scene are primarily internal, focusing on Elisabeth's emotional well-being and self-image. While not high in terms of external action, they are significant for her character development.

Story Forward: 6

While the scene does not significantly move the main plot forward, it provides crucial insight into Elisabeth's character, her inner struggles, and her emotional state. It adds depth to the overall narrative.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because it subverts expectations about the night cream's regenerating effects and challenges Elisabeth's hopes for youth. The outcome of her actions is unexpected.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the tension between accepting aging and trying to defy it through external means. Elisabeth's struggle with her appearance and the night cream's promise of youth challenge her beliefs about beauty and aging.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, as it delves into Elisabeth's vulnerability, disappointment, and inner turmoil regarding her aging process. The audience can empathize with her struggles and emotional journey.

Dialogue: 6

The scene is primarily focused on visual storytelling and actions rather than dialogue. The limited dialogue that is present serves to enhance Elisabeth's emotional state and inner thoughts.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it immerses the reader in Elisabeth's internal struggle and emotional journey. The detailed descriptions and sensory imagery create a compelling atmosphere.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and emotion as Elisabeth confronts her aging appearance. The rhythm of the scene enhances the reader's engagement with her internal struggle.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character actions. The formatting enhances the reader's understanding of Elisabeth's emotional journey.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a structured format that effectively conveys Elisabeth's internal and external goals. The pacing and rhythm of the scene contribute to its effectiveness in building tension and emotion.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures Elisabeth's emotional turmoil and desperation through her nightly ritual, which serves as a metaphor for her struggle against aging and the effects of 'The Substance.' The use of the gnarled finger and the bandaging process symbolizes her attempts to conceal her flaws, both physically and emotionally.
  • The contrast between the intimate act of applying cream and the harsh reality of her condition is poignant. However, the scene could benefit from more internal dialogue or voiceover to deepen the audience's understanding of Elisabeth's thoughts and feelings during this moment of vulnerability.
  • The transition from the bathroom to the bedroom is visually striking, particularly with the palm tree's shadow resembling a spider, which adds a layer of foreboding. However, the connection between the shadow and Elisabeth's emotional state could be more explicitly drawn to enhance thematic resonance.
  • The pacing of the scene is generally effective, but the moment where Elisabeth waits after dipping her finger into the cream could be expanded to build tension. This pause could heighten the audience's anticipation and emotional investment in her hopes for transformation.
  • The ending of the scene, where Elisabeth's hopes are dashed, is powerful, but it might benefit from a more visceral reaction. Instead of just filling her eyes with emotion, consider showing her physically reacting to the disappointment, such as a sob or a moment of rage against her reflection.
Suggestions
  • Incorporate internal monologue or voiceover to provide insight into Elisabeth's thoughts and feelings during her skincare ritual, enhancing the emotional depth of the scene.
  • Expand the moment of hesitation after she dips her finger into the cream to build tension and anticipation, allowing the audience to feel her hope and subsequent despair more acutely.
  • Draw a clearer connection between the palm tree's shadow and Elisabeth's emotional state, perhaps through a brief reflection on her fears or insecurities as she observes it.
  • Consider adding a more physical reaction from Elisabeth when she realizes the cream has not worked, such as a frustrated scream or a moment of self-loathing, to amplify the emotional impact.
  • Explore the use of sound design during the scene, particularly the humming noise that grows louder, to create an unsettling atmosphere that mirrors Elisabeth's internal chaos.



Scene 31 -  Reflections of Loss
119 INT. LIVING ROOM - DAY 119

Elisabeth, concentrating on her vacuum cleaner sucking up the
carpet as though hunting for the smallest piece of dust would
help her avoid becoming overwhelmed by her thoughts.

She looks up, about to turn around in the opposite direction,
when something catches her attention from afar...

She slows down, approaches carefully, and finally stops...her
eyes engrossed, her pupils darting back and forth... the
vacuum cleaner still humming... until she turns it off and
pulsating music bursts out in its place:

DON’T YOU KNOW PUMP IT UP...

We discover that she is staring at the television screen...

...YOU’VE GOT TO PUMP IT UP...

Where SUE is energetically swaying her hips in her new show.

DON’T YOU KNOW PUMP IT UP...

Elisabeth has a moment of confusion. Befuddled.

YOU’VE GOT TO PUMP IT UP...
A disturbing vision of Sue in the place that used to be hers.

DON’T YOU KNOW PUMP IT UP...YOU’VE GOT TO PUMP IT
UP...
Elisabeth grabs the side of the armchair to balance herself,
slowly sitting down while watching Sue moving on the
screen...

DON’T YOU KNOW PUMP IT UP...
THE SUBSTANCE - May 3rd 2022 - 71 -
...sc 119


Her dazzling smile.

Her firm and insolent breasts.


YOU’VE GOT TO PUMP I-
Elisabeth turns the sound off, but continues to watch the
show, as if fascinated by the details of Sue's body moving in
rhythm to the ghostly beat of the now muted music.

Her slender thighs.

Her suggestive hip movements...

Her abs tightening in a close up.

Once. Twice. Ten times. Thirty times...

On screen, with beaming and seductive eyes...

SUE
“In the meantime... Take care of
yourself!”

...Sue blows a kiss to the camera, disarming her viewers with
a devastating smile.

A suspended beat... as though the two women exchanged a look
through the screen...

Click Elisabeth switches off the TV.

She remains silent for a moment.

Overwhelmed.

Her gnarled, deformed finger on the TV remote.

Sprawled across the armchair in her bathrobe.

She looks up: behind the turned-off TV, the billboard of SUE
staring back at her through the glass window, smiling with
all her pearly-whites:



PUMP IT UP
It's as if she were cornered from all sides.

BZZZZ
She jumps at the sound of the front door buzzer.

Who the hell is that...


THE SUBSTANCE - May 3rd 2022 - 72 -
...sc 119


BZZZZ BZZZZ
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary Elisabeth vacuums her living room, attempting to distract herself from her overwhelming thoughts. She becomes engrossed in a television show featuring Sue, who dances energetically, stirring feelings of confusion and jealousy in Elisabeth as she grapples with her sense of loss over a role that once belonged to her. Captivated yet unsettled by Sue's beauty and vitality, Elisabeth ultimately turns off the TV, feeling cornered by Sue's presence, which is further emphasized by a billboard outside. The scene concludes with the interruption of her thoughts by the sound of the front door buzzer.
Strengths
  • Effective portrayal of emotional turmoil
  • Strong visual and sound cues
  • Compelling character dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Minimal dialogue may limit character depth

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys Elisabeth's emotional turmoil and shock at witnessing Sue's success and takeover of her identity, creating a sense of unease and tension.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of identity crisis and the psychological impact of seeing a doppelganger is well explored, adding depth to Elisabeth's character.

Plot: 8

The plot progression in the scene focuses on Elisabeth's internal struggle and realization, moving the story forward in terms of character development.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh approach to exploring themes of identity, self-image, and societal expectations through Elisabeth's internal struggles and external triggers. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters of Elisabeth and Sue are effectively portrayed, with Elisabeth's emotional turmoil and Sue's confident persona contrasting each other.

Character Changes: 9

Elisabeth undergoes a significant emotional change in the scene, moving from confusion to shock to a moment of realization and acceptance.

Internal Goal: 8

Elisabeth's internal goal in this scene is to come to terms with her feelings of inadequacy and displacement as she watches Sue on TV, feeling overwhelmed by her own emotions and insecurities.

External Goal: 6

Elisabeth's external goal in this scene is to deal with the unexpected intrusion of the front door buzzer, adding to her sense of unease and disorientation.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7.5

The internal conflict within Elisabeth, triggered by seeing Sue's success, adds a layer of tension and conflict to the scene.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong as Elisabeth faces internal and external challenges that test her emotional resilience and self-perception, creating uncertainty and conflict for the audience.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are moderately high in terms of Elisabeth's emotional well-being and sense of identity, but there is room for escalation in future scenes.

Story Forward: 8

The scene progresses the story by delving deeper into Elisabeth's internal conflict and setting up further developments in her character arc.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because it subverts expectations by introducing unexpected emotional triggers and external interruptions that challenge Elisabeth's sense of stability and control.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the contrast between Elisabeth's internal struggles and the external world represented by Sue on TV, highlighting themes of identity, self-worth, and societal expectations.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes a strong emotional response from the audience, particularly in terms of empathy towards Elisabeth's internal struggle.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue is minimal but impactful, with Sue's closing line adding to the tension and conflict in the scene.

Engagement: 8

This scene is engaging because it draws the audience into Elisabeth's emotional journey, creating tension and intrigue through her reactions to the TV show and the unexpected interruption at the end.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension and suspense through a gradual escalation of Elisabeth's emotional turmoil and the unexpected arrival of the front door buzzer.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene adheres to the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings, action lines, and dialogue cues that enhance the readability and flow of the screenplay.

Structure: 7

The structure of the scene follows a clear progression from Elisabeth's initial actions with the vacuum cleaner to her emotional reaction to Sue on TV, leading to the unexpected interruption of the front door buzzer.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures Elisabeth's emotional turmoil and sense of loss as she watches Sue thrive in a role that once belonged to her. The contrast between the mundane act of vacuuming and the vibrant energy of Sue's performance on TV creates a powerful juxtaposition that highlights Elisabeth's internal struggle.
  • The use of music in the scene is impactful, as it not only sets the tone but also serves as a reminder of what Elisabeth has lost. However, the transition from the vacuum cleaner's hum to the upbeat music could be more fluid to enhance the emotional impact. Consider incorporating a gradual fade or a more pronounced shift to emphasize the contrast.
  • Elisabeth's physical reactions, such as grabbing the armchair for support, effectively convey her vulnerability and confusion. However, the description of her 'gnarled, deformed finger' could be expanded to evoke a stronger emotional response from the audience. This detail is significant and could be used to symbolize her deteriorating self-image more vividly.
  • The moment where Elisabeth and Sue seem to exchange a look through the screen is a strong visual metaphor for their connection and rivalry. However, this moment could be enhanced with more internal dialogue or reflection from Elisabeth, allowing the audience to delve deeper into her feelings of envy and despair.
  • The scene ends abruptly with the door buzzer, which creates a sense of tension and anticipation. However, it might benefit from a more explicit emotional reaction from Elisabeth to this interruption. This could help to further illustrate her state of mind and set the stage for the next scene.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief internal monologue for Elisabeth as she watches Sue, allowing her to articulate her feelings of loss, jealousy, and confusion. This could deepen the audience's understanding of her emotional state.
  • Enhance the transition between the vacuum cleaner's sound and the music by using a more gradual shift or a sound effect that symbolizes the change in her focus, such as a fading echo or a heartbeat.
  • Expand on the description of Elisabeth's finger to create a more visceral reaction. For example, you could describe how it feels to her, the pain associated with it, or how it represents her feelings of aging and inadequacy.
  • After the moment of connection between Elisabeth and Sue, consider including a brief flashback or memory that highlights a happier time for Elisabeth, contrasting it with her current state. This could amplify the emotional weight of the scene.
  • When the door buzzer sounds, include a line of dialogue or a physical reaction from Elisabeth that reflects her anxiety or irritation, which would help to transition smoothly into the next scene.



Scene 32 -  Silent Isolation
120 INT. APT ENTRANCE / APT CORRIDOR - DAY 120

She approaches the door without making any noise.

HER GNARLED FINGER opens the peephole cover, and she looks
through it:

The neighbor.

Fuck. What does he want...

She doesn’t move; doesn’t make any noise.

BZZZZ BZZZZZZ
Go the fuck away, egg head...

BZZZZZZZZZZZ
OLIVER (O.S.)
Sue?

He starts softly scratching the door.

NEIGHBOR (O.S.)
It’s Oliver...

A beat.

NEIGHBOR (O.S.) (CONT’D)
I just saw you on TV... Holy moley
makes me want to join your class!
Do you give private lessons?

A long silence.

NEIGHBOR (O.S.) (CONT’D)
What about a drink at my place
tonight?

Elisabeth stands without moving or making noise, her gnarled
finger on the peephole.

NEIGHBOR (O.S.) (CONT’D)
I can see you standing behind
there... don’t be shy gorgeous!
(a long beat)
I’m into sports too, I can show you
my chess trophies!

A long beat. Elisabeth doesn’t move.




THE SUBSTANCE - May 3rd 2022 - 73 -
...sc 120


NEIGHBOR (O.S.) (CONT’D)
Alright, no problem, take your
time... But it’s a date!

We see him finally waddling back inside his apartment,
humming along: don’t you know pump it up...

THE WRINKLED FINGER lets go of the peephole cover. SHLACK!

CUT TO:

121 INT. SHOWER - DAY 121

HISSSSSSSSSSSS THE STREAM OF WATER FROM THE SHOWER HEAD
PUMMELS ELISABETH’S BACK.

Her hand against the wall for support, letting the water flow
down her body, as she stares at the ground, lost in her
thoughts, as if she were trying to regain her footing.

122 INT. APARTMENT / ENTRANCE - DAY 122

Elisabeth finishes slipping her coat on, turns up the collar
and puts on leather gloves to hide her problem finger.

She looks through the peephole. The coast is clear.

123A EXT. STREET (ELISABETH AREA) - DAY 123A

We follow Elisabeth from behind, walking quickly.

123B EXT. STREET (LESS NICE STREET)- DAY 123B

Elisabeth, from behind, who is walking down another street.

Her gait is jittery. Everything seems more harsh and
aggressive.

123C OMITTED 123C


123D INT. DEPOSIT CORRIDOR - DAY 123D

Elisabeth walks down the corridor.

124 INT. DEPOSIT/LOBBY - DAY 124

A wave of her card opens her locker. Beep.

She thinks she hears a slight noise behind her. She turns
around. Scans the lobby. No one.



THE SUBSTANCE - May 3rd 2022 - 74 -
...sc 124


She takes out the package and puts it in her bag.

125A EXT. STREET (LESS NICE STREET) - DAY 125A

Elisabeth walking in the opposite direction.

After a while, she has a strange feeling. As if she were
being followed. She turns around... still no one.

She picks up the pace.

125B EXT. STREE (DINER AREA) - DAY 125B

Still from behind Elisabeth’s back as she walks.

Turns around again. Still nothing.

She finally goes into a diner.
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary Elisabeth hesitantly observes her neighbor Oliver through the peephole as he attempts to engage her in conversation about her recent TV appearance and invites her for a drink. She remains silent and unresponsive, reflecting her discomfort and desire for solitude. After he leaves, she prepares to leave her apartment, concealing her gnarled finger and feeling a sense of unease as if someone is following her. The scene captures her internal struggle with isolation and anxiety as she walks through the streets and enters a diner.
Strengths
  • Effective tension-building
  • Compelling character portrayal
  • Intriguing premise
Weaknesses
  • Limited external conflict
  • Some pacing issues

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively builds tension and intrigue through Elisabeth's actions and the neighbor's presence, creating a sense of unease and mystery. The use of sound and visual cues enhances the suspenseful atmosphere.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring Elisabeth's psychological state and the mysterious event she is dealing with is intriguing and well-executed, drawing the audience into the character's internal struggles.

Plot: 8

The plot progression in the scene focuses on Elisabeth's reaction to the neighbor's invitation and her increasing paranoia, adding depth to her character and setting up future developments.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh approach to the theme of privacy and social interaction, with a focus on the protagonist's internal struggles and the tension between characters. The dialogue and actions feel authentic and contribute to the suspenseful atmosphere.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

Elisabeth's character is well-developed, showcasing her inner turmoil and vulnerability, while the neighbor adds an element of mystery and tension to the scene.

Character Changes: 7

Elisabeth experiences a shift in her emotional state and perception of her surroundings, setting the stage for potential character growth and development.

Internal Goal: 8

Elisabeth's internal goal in this scene is to avoid interaction with her neighbor and maintain her privacy. This reflects her deeper need for solitude and possibly a fear of social interaction.

External Goal: 7

Elisabeth's external goal in this scene is to avoid being seen or engaged with by her neighbor. This reflects the immediate challenge she faces in maintaining her privacy and avoiding unwanted social interactions.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict in the scene is primarily internal, focusing on Elisabeth's psychological struggles and the tension created by the neighbor's presence.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Elisabeth facing a challenge in maintaining her privacy and avoiding unwanted social interactions.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are raised through Elisabeth's increasing paranoia and the neighbor's invitation, hinting at potential dangers and consequences.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by deepening Elisabeth's internal conflict and introducing new elements that will likely impact future events.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected actions and dialogue of the characters, keeping the audience on edge about the outcome of the interaction.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between Elisabeth's desire for privacy and solitude versus her neighbor's desire for social interaction and connection. This challenges Elisabeth's beliefs about the importance of boundaries and personal space.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a strong emotional response through Elisabeth's vulnerability and paranoia, engaging the audience in her internal turmoil.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue effectively conveys Elisabeth's internal thoughts and the neighbor's obliviousness, adding to the tension and suspense of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the suspenseful atmosphere, the mystery surrounding the characters' motivations, and the subtle interactions between Elisabeth and her neighbor.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, with a gradual escalation of conflict and resolution.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and follows the expected format for a screenplay, with concise descriptions and dialogue.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with a buildup of tension and resolution, effectively conveying the protagonist's goals and conflicts.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes Elisabeth's internal conflict and emotional state through her physical actions and the use of the peephole. The gnarled finger serves as a strong visual metaphor for her deteriorating self-image and the consequences of her choices, which is compelling.
  • The dialogue from Oliver, while intended to be light-hearted, feels somewhat forced and lacks depth. It could benefit from more subtext or a hint of tension to reflect Elisabeth's discomfort and the weight of her situation.
  • The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension, but the long silences could be enhanced with more internal monologue or visual cues that reflect Elisabeth's thoughts and feelings. This would deepen the audience's connection to her character.
  • The transition from the peephole to the shower is visually striking, but it could be more thematically connected. Consider using the shower scene to further explore Elisabeth's emotional state, perhaps through her reflections on her life or her feelings about Oliver's advances.
  • The scene ends abruptly after Oliver leaves, which may leave the audience wanting more resolution or insight into Elisabeth's thoughts. A brief moment of reflection or a visual cue could enhance the emotional impact of the scene.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief internal monologue for Elisabeth as she listens to Oliver, which could provide insight into her feelings about his advances and her current state of mind.
  • Enhance Oliver's dialogue to include more subtext or hints of tension, perhaps by making him slightly more persistent or revealing a hint of desperation, which could mirror Elisabeth's own struggles.
  • Incorporate more visual elements in the shower scene that symbolize Elisabeth's emotional turmoil, such as her expression or the way she interacts with the water, to create a stronger thematic connection.
  • After Oliver leaves, include a moment where Elisabeth reflects on his words or her own feelings, perhaps through a visual cue or a brief internal thought, to provide closure to the scene.
  • Consider varying the pacing of the scene by interspersing quicker cuts or visual motifs that reflect Elisabeth's anxiety, which could enhance the overall tension and emotional weight.



Scene 33 -  Unwanted Connections
126 INT. DINER - DAY 126

She sits down in a booth. Moves to another. She’s hot. Takes
off her coat. Starts removing her glove... then decides
against it, readjusting the right glove in particular.

WAITRESS (O.S)
What can I get you?

Startled, she jumps and looks up: a SEXY WAITRESS with a name
tag that reads ALLISON is staring at her, notepad in hand.

ELISABETH
(random)
Uh...a...mocha latte.

The waitress leaves.

A beat: Elisabeth meticulously readjusts her glove.

MAN’S VOICE (O.S.)
It’s long, isn’t it?

Elisabeth turns her head. At the next table is a SWEATY,
OBESE MAN muffled up in a gray coat, staring right at her. He
has a big strawberry birthmark on his face, whose shape is
strangely familiar...

ELISABETH
Excuse me?

MAN
Seven days...

She stares directly at him... nonplussed...



THE SUBSTANCE - May 3rd 2022 - 75 -
...sc 126


MAN (CONT’D)
I know what “these weeks” feel
like...

A beat. She is increasingly confused... she looks away from
him pretending she has no idea what he is referring to.

ALLISON (O.S.)
Whipped cream?

The waitress is in front of her again, a can of whipped cream
in hand, her coffee on the table.

ELISABETH
Uh...yes...

PZZZZZZZZZZT

Elisabeth stares at the whipped cream which slowly shrivels
up, melting into the coffee.

She takes a spoonful, as if to comfort herself.

She watches the man from the corner of her eye as he picks up
the menu to order. His wallet, which was on top of the menu,
falls to the ground. As he leans over to pick it up,
Elisabeth glimpses on the nape of his neck... the beginning
of a thick pink scar similar to her own, which disappears
under his shirt collar... He gathers up all the credit cards
that have scattered on the floor: among them is a white
plastic card with 207 on it. He puts it away in his wallet
and sits back up.

A long beat where they stare at each other.

Everything muddles up in Elisabeth's mind...

ELISABETH (CONT’D)
...Did you follow me here?

MAN
I was just curious to see how
things were going for you... And
actually I wouldn’t be against a
little bit of company... It’s just
good to... talk to someone... you
know. Each time you feel a little
more lonely... don’t you think?

A long beat where she stares right at him.

ELISABETH
I don’t know what you’re talking
about. I’m fine, thank you.
Everything is fine.

She turns her back to him and tries to make it look like she
is engrossed in her coffee.


THE SUBSTANCE - May 3rd 2022 - 76 -
...sc 126


MAN (O.S.)
It gets harder each time to
remember that you still deserve to
exist...

The whipped cream that shrivels up more and more like a
deflated balloon...

MAN (O.S.) (CONT’D)
...That this part of yourself is
still worth something...
(a beat)
That you still matter...

The melted whipped cream now looks like yellowish puke.

MAN (CONT’D)
(muttering to himself)
He should-
(SMACK! He slaps himself,
almost like a tic)
I should never have given it to
you. But he’s so (SMACK!
Another)...shallow and
superficial!!

Elisabeth’s mind is a jumble of confusion. She searches in
her bag, pays the check with a $10 dollar bill to cut short
and heads for the exit.

MAN (O.S.) (CONT’D)
(loud, towards her)
Has she started yet?

Elisabeth turns around. A beat where they exchange a long
look.

MAN (CONT’D)
...eating away at you?

A suspended moment... staring fixedly into each other’s
eyes... until Elisabeth turns abruptly on her heels and
rushes for the door as fast as she can.
Genres: ["Drama","Mystery","Thriller"]

Summary Elisabeth enters a diner, feeling uncomfortable and overheated. After ordering a mocha latte, she is approached by a sweaty, obese man who speaks about loneliness and existence, unsettling her with his probing questions. As he reveals a scar similar to hers and expresses a desire for companionship, Elisabeth grows increasingly anxious. Despite her attempts to ignore him, his comments about worth and identity disturb her further. Ultimately, she pays her bill and rushes out, clearly disturbed by the encounter.
Strengths
  • Mysterious atmosphere
  • Tense dialogue
  • Strong emotional impact
Weaknesses
  • Some elements may be too cryptic for some viewers

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively creates a tense and mysterious atmosphere through the interaction between Elisabeth and the stranger, keeping the audience engaged and intrigued.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the scene, focusing on a cryptic encounter in a diner, is intriguing and adds depth to the storyline.

Plot: 8

The plot is advanced through the mysterious interaction between Elisabeth and the stranger, adding layers to the narrative and building suspense.

Originality: 9

The scene is original in its use of subtle symbolism, mysterious dialogue, and psychological tension. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and contribute to the overall sense of unease.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters of Elisabeth and the stranger are well-developed in this scene, with their interactions revealing aspects of their personalities and motivations.

Character Changes: 8

Elisabeth experiences a shift in her perception and emotions during the encounter, leading to a subtle but significant character change.

Internal Goal: 8

Elisabeth's internal goal is to maintain composure and hide her confusion and fear in the face of the mysterious man's unsettling comments and behavior. This reflects her deeper need for control and stability in her life.

External Goal: 7

Elisabeth's external goal is to leave the diner as quickly as possible and avoid further interaction with the strange man. This reflects the immediate challenge of dealing with a potentially dangerous situation.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict in the scene is internal, as Elisabeth grapples with confusion and fear, adding to the suspense and intrigue.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the mysterious man posing a significant threat to Elisabeth's sense of safety and stability. The audience is left unsure of his intentions.

High Stakes: 8

The high stakes in the scene are related to Elisabeth's emotional state and the cryptic nature of the encounter, adding tension and suspense.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing new elements and deepening the mystery surrounding Elisabeth and the stranger.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists in the dialogue and the mysterious behavior of the characters. The audience is left unsure of what will happen next.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the themes of identity, self-worth, and existentialism. The man's cryptic comments challenge Elisabeth's beliefs about her own value and purpose.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene evokes a strong emotional response from the audience, particularly feelings of anxiety and unease.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue in the scene is cryptic and suspenseful, adding to the overall tension and mystery of the encounter.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its mysterious atmosphere, cryptic dialogue, and the sense of impending danger. The interactions between the characters keep the audience on edge.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and suspense, with a gradual escalation of conflict leading to a climactic moment of confrontation.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and easy to follow, with concise descriptions and dialogue that flows naturally.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows a typical format for a suspenseful encounter, with escalating tension and a climactic moment of confrontation.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes a sense of discomfort and anxiety for Elisabeth, which aligns well with her character's journey. The use of the diner as a setting creates a contrast between the public space and her internal turmoil, enhancing the theme of isolation amidst a crowd.
  • The dialogue between Elisabeth and the man is intriguing but could benefit from more clarity. The man's cryptic references to 'seven days' and 'eating away at you' create a sense of mystery, but they may confuse the audience without further context. Consider providing a clearer connection to Elisabeth's experiences or the substance she is grappling with.
  • The visual imagery of the whipped cream melting into the coffee is a strong metaphor for Elisabeth's emotional state, symbolizing her feelings of decay and loss. However, this metaphor could be further developed to enhance its impact. For instance, you might explore how the melting cream parallels her own sense of self-worth diminishing.
  • The scene's pacing is effective in building tension, but the transition from Elisabeth's internal conflict to her interaction with the man feels abrupt. A smoother transition could help maintain the flow and keep the audience engaged. Consider adding a moment where Elisabeth reflects on her feelings before the man speaks to her.
  • The ending of the scene, where Elisabeth rushes for the door, is powerful and conveys her desperation. However, it might be more impactful if you include a brief moment of hesitation before she leaves, emphasizing her internal struggle and the weight of the man's words.
Suggestions
  • Clarify the man's dialogue to provide more context about his connection to Elisabeth and the substance, ensuring the audience understands the significance of his comments.
  • Enhance the metaphor of the whipped cream by incorporating more sensory details, such as the smell or texture, to deepen the emotional resonance of the scene.
  • Consider adding a moment of introspection for Elisabeth before the man speaks, allowing her to reflect on her feelings of loneliness and confusion, which would create a smoother transition into their conversation.
  • Explore the possibility of Elisabeth's body language and facial expressions more vividly to convey her discomfort and internal conflict, making her emotional state more palpable to the audience.
  • Introduce a brief moment of hesitation or contemplation for Elisabeth before she rushes out, highlighting her internal struggle and the impact of the man's words on her psyche.



Scene 34 -  Frantic Encounters
127A EXT. STREET (DINRE AREA) - DAY 127A

Elisabeth returns home with a hurried step...

127B EXT. STREET (ELISABETH BUILDING) - DAY 127B

...looking over her shoulder several times to check that she
hasn’t been followed when- BAM!

She violently slams into someone coming from the opposite
direction. CLANG clang clang... A big biker's helmet falls to
the ground and rolls away.


THE SUBSTANCE - May 3rd 2022 - 77 -
...sc 127B


MALE VOICE
Fuck! Watch out!

Elisabeth, dazed and frantic, looks at the leather-clad guy
who picks up his helmet and straightens up facing her: TROY.

She is so very stunned that she stays planted right there,
staring at him.

TROY
WHAT?... You wanna mug shot?!?

Royally pissed, he gets on his motorcycle parked in front of
her building, puts his helmet on and slams the visor shut:
SHLACK! Elisabeth's haggard face is reflected in the mirrored
visor.

He beeps his horn so she’ll get out of the way.

TROY (CONT’D)
HEY! MOVE!

She finally steps to the side and he roars off on his
motorcycle, revving its big engine: VROOOOOOOOOOOOOM

128 INT. APARTMENT / ENTRANCE - DAY 128

Slamming her door shut behind her, Elisabeth leans back
against it for a moment to gather her wits.

She stays for a long while this way, trying to channel all
the thoughts and feelings jostling in her brain...

We can tell that her mind is racing (obsessively).

CUT TO:

129 INT. WALK IN CLOSET - DAY 129

POV FROM INSIDE THE CLOSET - SHLACK Elisabeth abruptly pushes
all of Sue’s clothing aside to reach her belongings at the
very back in stacked-up boxes marked: ELISABETH’S OLD JUNK.

She opens different boxes and finally finds the one she is
looking for: a box filled with her handbags. She shakes the
bags upside down one after the other making the various
forgotten objects fall out... coins, parking tickets, chewing
gum... Ah! She finally finds what she is looking for: the
torn piece of crinkled paper with FRED’S number on it.

Fred’s smiling image appears superimposed:

FRED
You are still the most beautiful
girl in the whole wide world!



THE SUBSTANCE - May 3rd 2022 - 78 -
...sc 129


She holds the paper tightly against her chest, as if suddenly
this was the most precious of her possessions.

130 INT. LIVING ROOM - DAY 130

Elisabeth starts dialing the number, slightly nervous.

Behind the picture window, her eyes glance inadvertently at
the billboard.



PUMP IT UP
CUT TO:
Genres: ["Drama","Romance"]

Summary Elisabeth rushes home, anxious and looking over her shoulder, when she collides with Troy, a biker, leading to a tense exchange. After Troy leaves in frustration, Elisabeth retreats to her apartment, where she searches for her belongings and finds Fred's number, indicating its significance. The scene concludes with her nervously dialing the number.
Strengths
  • Strong emotional depth
  • Effective character development
  • Tension-building
Weaknesses
  • Potential lack of clarity in some character motivations

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys Elisabeth's emotional state and sets up a pivotal moment in her journey, with strong tones of confusion and discomfort adding depth to the narrative.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of Elisabeth facing unexpected challenges and making crucial decisions is well-developed, adding depth to her character arc.

Plot: 8

The plot progresses as Elisabeth navigates her emotions and faces external obstacles, setting up future developments in the story.

Originality: 8.5

The scene introduces a fresh take on a common theme of reconnecting with the past, adding elements of danger and unpredictability. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and engaging.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

Elisabeth's character is well-developed, with her internal struggles and vulnerabilities effectively portrayed, while Troy adds an element of unpredictability and tension to the scene.

Character Changes: 8

Elisabeth undergoes a significant emotional shift in the scene, leading to a moment of reflection and decision-making.

Internal Goal: 8

Elisabeth's internal goal in this scene is to gather her thoughts and emotions after a tense encounter with Troy. She is trying to process her feelings and make sense of the situation.

External Goal: 7.5

Elisabeth's external goal is to find Fred's number and make a call. This reflects her immediate desire to reconnect with someone from her past.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict in the scene is primarily internal, as Elisabeth grapples with her emotions and the impact of the encounter with Troy.

Opposition: 7.5

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Elisabeth facing obstacles both internally and externally. Troy's confrontation and Elisabeth's internal struggle create conflict and tension.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high for Elisabeth as she faces unexpected challenges and must make crucial decisions that will impact her journey.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by deepening Elisabeth's character development and setting up future conflicts and resolutions.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected encounter with Troy and the protagonist's emotional turmoil. The outcome of Elisabeth's call to Fred adds an element of uncertainty.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

There is a philosophical conflict between Elisabeth's desire to reconnect with Fred and the chaotic, unpredictable events happening around her. This challenges her beliefs about control and fate.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene evokes strong emotions from the audience, particularly in relation to Elisabeth's inner turmoil and vulnerability.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue effectively conveys Elisabeth's emotions and interactions with Troy, adding depth to their encounter.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its fast-paced action, tense interactions between characters, and the protagonist's internal struggle. The reader is drawn into Elisabeth's emotional journey.

Pacing: 8.5

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the reader engaged and invested in Elisabeth's journey. The rhythm of the scene enhances its emotional impact.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows standard formatting for a screenplay, with clear scene headings and action descriptions. Dialogue is formatted correctly and contributes to the pacing of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with a buildup of tension and resolution. It effectively transitions between different locations and character actions.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures Elisabeth's anxiety and urgency, which is established through her hurried movements and frequent checks over her shoulder. This creates a palpable tension that aligns well with her emotional state following the unsettling diner encounter.
  • The collision with Troy serves as a strong physical manifestation of Elisabeth's internal chaos. However, the dialogue exchange feels somewhat clichéd and lacks depth. Troy's initial reaction could be more nuanced to reflect the tension of the moment rather than resorting to a generic angry response.
  • The use of visual elements, such as the reflection of Elisabeth's haggard face in Troy's visor, is a powerful metaphor for her current state of mind. This visual storytelling effectively conveys her vulnerability and the impact of her experiences on her self-image.
  • The transition from the street to her apartment is well-executed, showing Elisabeth's need for a safe space. However, the pacing could be improved by adding more internal monologue or sensory details to enhance the emotional weight of her return home.
  • The scene ends with Elisabeth finding Fred's number, which is a significant moment of hope amidst her turmoil. However, the transition to the next scene could be smoother. The abrupt cut to the billboard feels slightly disjointed and could benefit from a more gradual lead-in that connects her emotional state to the external world.
Suggestions
  • Consider giving Troy a more complex reaction to the collision. Instead of just anger, perhaps he could express concern or confusion, which would add depth to his character and the interaction.
  • Enhance Elisabeth's internal conflict by incorporating brief internal thoughts or flashbacks that reflect her feelings about her current situation and her past, particularly in relation to Fred.
  • Add sensory details to the scene, such as the sounds of the street or the feeling of the air, to immerse the audience further in Elisabeth's experience as she navigates her anxiety.
  • Smooth the transition to the next scene by including a moment where Elisabeth reflects on her encounter with the man in the diner, linking her emotional state to the billboard's message before cutting to the next scene.
  • Consider extending the moment where Elisabeth holds Fred's number to emphasize its significance. Perhaps include a brief flashback or memory associated with Fred that highlights her longing for connection and validation.



Scene 35 -  A Nervous Connection
131 INT. BATHROOM - DAY 131

Elisabeth has “isolated” herself in the bathroom, sitting on
the closed toilet lid.

She dials the number. We hear the sound of the line ringing
and after a beat someone picks up.

FRED (O.S.)
Hello?

ELISABETH
(forcing a cheerful tone)
Hi Fred, it’s Lizzie!

Silence.

Nothing. She is immediately shaken.

ELISABETH (CONT’D)
...Lizzie from tenth grade
homeroom?

Silence again.

ELISABETH (CONT’D)
...hello?

FRED
Sorry, I’m in shock... wow wow wow!

This reassures Elisabeth and makes her smile.

FRED (CONT’D)
I thought I would never hear from
you again after sharing my dumb
toothpaste story...




THE SUBSTANCE - May 3rd 2022 - 79 -
...sc 131


ELISABETH
Oh no...not at all, it’s just that
I’ve been very... busy lately...

A beat.

FRED
I heard about your show... how are
you dealing? It must have been so
difficult...

ELISABETH
(faking confidence)
Oh no...You know, I kinda provoked
it in a way... I felt like.. I’d
seen and done it all... I needed to
move on.

FRED
Oh... that’s good to hear... so
what are you up to now?

A beat. Elisabeth is still sitting on the toilet lid.

ELISABETH
I... I’m traveling... A lot. It’s
great - there is so much to see!
One day here, the next there...
it’s a tad exhausting, though...

FRED
Oh wow...what an exciting life! I
envy you.

A beat.

ELISABETH
So... I happen to be in town for a
couple of days and... I thought
maybe we could...
(moves her arm in a
gesture of self-
encouragement)
... go out and grab a drink? Or for
a walk, or... you know, the little
things that make life matter.

A beat. Long silence.

ELISABETH (CONT’D)
Hello?

FRED
Sorry I’m in shock again.

Another smile. A wider one this time.




THE SUBSTANCE - May 3rd 2022 - 80 -
...sc 131


FRED (CONT’D)
Like...to-

ELISABETH
Tonight is perfect!

A beat.

ELISABETH (CONT’D)
Oh...did you mean tomorrow?

Clearly.

FRED
Euh...Tonight is fine as well. I
can book Luigi’s at 8?

ELISABETH
8 at Luigi’s it is! See you
tonight!

She hangs up. Her eyes are shining, cheeks are flushed, like
a teenager who has been asked out on her first date.

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Drama","Romance"]

Summary In a bathroom, Elisabeth nervously calls Fred, an old high school acquaintance. After an awkward start, they reconnect, and Elisabeth pretends to be confident about her life. They agree to meet for dinner at Luigi's, leaving Elisabeth excited and hopeful as her anxiety transforms into joy.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
  • Engaging dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Low stakes
  • Limited external conflict

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys Elisabeth's emotional journey and sets up a potential turning point in her story. The dialogue is engaging and reveals important character traits.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of Elisabeth reaching out to an old acquaintance to combat her loneliness is relatable and adds depth to her character. The scene effectively explores themes of connection and vulnerability.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene revolves around Elisabeth's decision to reconnect with Fred, which has the potential to impact her character arc significantly. It moves the story forward by introducing a new relationship dynamic.

Originality: 8

The scene offers a fresh approach to a familiar situation of reconnecting with someone from the past. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 9

Elisabeth's character is well-developed in this scene, showcasing her vulnerability, nostalgia, and desire for companionship. Fred's character adds an element of surprise and intrigue, making the interaction engaging.

Character Changes: 7

Elisabeth experiences a subtle shift in this scene, moving from loneliness and nostalgia to hopefulness and anticipation. Her decision to reach out to Fred marks a potential turning point in her character arc.

Internal Goal: 8

Elisabeth's internal goal is to reconnect with Fred and potentially rekindle a relationship. This reflects her desire for companionship and connection.

External Goal: 7

Elisabeth's external goal is to make plans with Fred for a social outing. This reflects her immediate desire for companionship and social interaction.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 5

The conflict in the scene is internal, focusing on Elisabeth's emotional struggle with loneliness and her attempt to reach out to Fred. It is not high-stakes but sets up potential tension for future interactions.

Opposition: 6

The opposition in the scene is not very strong, as Fred's initial shock is quickly resolved.

High Stakes: 4

The stakes in the scene are relatively low, focusing more on Elisabeth's emotional journey and potential for connection rather than high-stakes conflict. However, the emotional impact is significant for her character development.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing a new relationship dynamic for Elisabeth and setting up potential future developments. It adds depth to her character and opens up new narrative possibilities.

Unpredictability: 6

This scene is somewhat predictable in terms of the outcome of the conversation between Elisabeth and Fred.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict is between Elisabeth's desire for connection and Fred's initial shock and hesitation. This challenges Elisabeth's belief in the importance of relationships and connections.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene has a strong emotional impact, particularly in Elisabeth's vulnerability and hopefulness. The audience can empathize with her desire for connection.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue in the scene is natural and reveals important information about the characters. It effectively conveys Elisabeth's emotions and sets up a potential shift in her story.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the emotional depth and relatable interactions between the characters.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by allowing for emotional moments to land and character interactions to unfold naturally.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with clear character interactions and progression of the plot.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures Elisabeth's vulnerability and desire for connection, which is a strong emotional anchor. However, the dialogue can feel a bit forced at times, particularly Elisabeth's attempts to sound cheerful. This could be improved by incorporating more natural speech patterns that reflect her anxiety and uncertainty.
  • The use of silence in the conversation with Fred is impactful, as it emphasizes Elisabeth's nervousness and the awkwardness of reconnecting after so long. However, the silence could be punctuated with more internal thoughts or physical reactions from Elisabeth to enhance the tension and provide insight into her emotional state.
  • Elisabeth's character development is evident as she tries to project confidence while grappling with her insecurities. However, the transition from her nervousness to excitement feels a bit abrupt. A more gradual build-up to her enthusiasm about the potential meeting could create a more satisfying emotional arc.
  • The setting of the bathroom is a strong choice, symbolizing Elisabeth's isolation and vulnerability. However, it might be beneficial to include more sensory details about the bathroom environment to enhance the atmosphere and reflect her emotional state, such as the sound of water running or the starkness of the space.
  • The dialogue between Elisabeth and Fred is engaging, but it could benefit from more subtext. For example, Elisabeth could hint at her struggles without explicitly stating them, allowing the audience to infer her deeper feelings and creating a richer layer to their interaction.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more internal monologue or physical reactions from Elisabeth during the pauses in the conversation to convey her anxiety and anticipation more vividly.
  • Introduce subtle hints of Elisabeth's struggles in her dialogue, allowing her to express her feelings without directly stating them, which can create a more nuanced interaction.
  • Gradually build Elisabeth's excitement about the meeting with Fred, perhaps by having her reflect on past memories or feelings associated with him before she agrees to meet.
  • Enhance the sensory details of the bathroom setting to create a more immersive atmosphere that reflects Elisabeth's emotional turmoil.
  • Revise the dialogue to make it feel more natural and less scripted, ensuring that Elisabeth's attempts to sound confident align with her internal conflict.



Scene 36 -  Reflections of Insecurity
132 INT. BEDROOM - EVENING 132

Lots of activity in the apartment. All the boxes have been
taken out - clothing, shoes, accessories are scattered across
the bedroom floor.

CUT TO:

A zipper is pulled up following the pinkish scar on
Elisabeth’s back... the scar disappears as the zipper glides
up a beautiful moiré silk dress.

Elisabeth looks at her back reflected in the bedroom’s tall
mirror. Impossible to see the long scar underneath. Perfect.

From the front, the V-cut neckline flatters her pretty
cleavage.

She slips on long black satin gloves that hide her problem
finger and add a touch of glamour.

Thus prettily dressed, she looks at herself in the mirror...
and is moved by her reflection.

For the first time, in a very long time, she seems to like
herself again.

To once again feel that she’s worth it...




THE SUBSTANCE - May 3rd 2022 - 81 -
...sc 133

133 INT. BATHROOM - END OF THE DAY 133

She finishes putting on her make-up and checks the clock. She
grows increasingly nervous as the time to meet her date
approaches.

A last touch of lipstick, and she looks at herself,
satisfied.

She tidies her hair and flashes a smile in the mirror - the
lipstick is becoming to her smile. Good.

Before leaving she goes to close the secret room’s door...
and catches sight of Sue lying on the floor in stasis.

Her healthy complexion...

Her well-defined, plump lips...

Elisabeth turns to the mirror, her expression a little
gloomy...

She suddenly has the impression that her entire face has just
sagged.

But she forces herself to pull it together.

She adds a bit of lipstick, another stroke of blush to make
her cheekbones rosier.

A beat.

More blush.

She forces a smile as she looks at herself.

Good.

Takes a deep breath... And turns off the light.

CUT TO:

134 INT. HALLWAY / LIVING ROOM - EVENING 134

She walks down the hallway, grabs her coat and handbag...
searches for her keys... sees them on the table in the living
room. Walking over to the table she looks up and her eyes
fall upon... the huge billboard outside.



PUMP IT UP
A suspended moment standing face to face with Sue’s gigantic
overly-sexualized body:


THE SUBSTANCE - May 3rd 2022 - 82 -
...sc 134


Her perfectly round, perky breasts.

Her luscious lips...

Her gorgeous shiny hair...

CUT TO:

135 INT. BATHROOM - EVENING 135

THE BATHROOM LIGHT TURNS ON - Elisabeth is back in front of
the mirror.

A harsh expression as she contemplates her face: this won’t
do at all.

She pulls up the fabric on her dress to hide her cleavage
which all of a sudden can’t even compare. She throws a wrap
over her shoulders to cover it.

And the lipstick is all wrong. She takes it off and puts on
another.

She adds more blush. Brush strokes to her cheekbones, in an
increasingly aggressive fashion.

She lets her hair down.

No, she puts her hair back up.

Ok.

More blush and a forced smile as she looks in the mirror.

She checks the clock, this time she really needs to get
going.

She takes a deep breath to boost herself...

Good...

And she turns off the light.

BLACK
Genres: ["Drama","Psychological Thriller"]

Summary In a cluttered bedroom, Elisabeth prepares for a date, feeling a rare sense of self-worth as she dons a beautiful silk dress and long black satin gloves. However, her confidence wavers as she becomes increasingly anxious about her appearance, especially after seeing her friend Sue's image on a billboard, which heightens her insecurities. Despite her efforts to boost her makeup and smile, Elisabeth struggles with feelings of inadequacy, ultimately taking a deep breath and turning off the bathroom light to leave for her date, still grappling with self-doubt.
Strengths
  • Exploration of internal struggles and self-image
  • Effective use of symbolism and visuals
  • Emotional depth and relatability
Weaknesses
  • Dialogue could be more impactful in certain moments

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys Elisabeth's emotional turmoil and inner conflict through her actions and reflections. The contrast between her self-perception and the external image of Sue adds depth to the narrative.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of exploring self-image, identity, and comparison through Elisabeth's preparations for a date and her encounter with Sue's image is compelling. It delves into complex themes with depth and nuance.

Plot: 8

The plot progression focuses on Elisabeth's internal struggles and transformation, adding layers to her character development. The scene sets up emotional conflicts and sets the stage for future developments.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh perspective on the theme of self-acceptance and beauty standards, portraying the protagonist's inner conflict in a relatable and authentic manner.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

Elisabeth's character is well-developed, showcasing her vulnerabilities, insecurities, and inner turmoil. The contrast with Sue's image adds complexity to the character dynamics and sets up potential conflicts.

Character Changes: 8

Elisabeth undergoes significant emotional and psychological changes throughout the scene, from feelings of inadequacy to a moment of self-acceptance. Her internal transformation sets the stage for potential growth and conflict.

Internal Goal: 8

Elisabeth's internal goal in this scene is to regain her self-confidence and feel good about herself after a long period of self-doubt. This reflects her deeper need for self-acceptance and validation.

External Goal: 7

Elisabeth's external goal is to prepare for her date and present herself in a way that she feels confident and attractive. This reflects the immediate challenge she is facing in meeting someone new and wanting to make a good impression.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The internal conflict within Elisabeth, her struggles with self-image, and the external influence of Sue's image create a subtle but palpable tension in the scene.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene comes from Elisabeth's internal struggles and societal pressures, adding complexity and depth to her character.

High Stakes: 6

While the stakes are primarily internal and emotional in this scene, Elisabeth's journey of self-discovery and the contrast with Sue's image hint at potential conflicts and challenges ahead, increasing the stakes for her character.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by deepening Elisabeth's character arc, setting up internal conflicts, and establishing thematic elements that will likely impact future events. It adds layers to the narrative and character dynamics.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable in terms of Elisabeth's internal struggles and the unexpected twists in her self-image journey.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the societal pressure to conform to beauty standards and the internal struggle of self-acceptance. Elisabeth's actions and thoughts challenge the value system that places importance on external appearance.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes a strong emotional response through Elisabeth's journey of self-discovery and transformation. Her inner turmoil and vulnerability resonate with the audience, creating a poignant and relatable experience.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue serves its purpose in conveying Elisabeth's inner thoughts and emotions, but could be more impactful in certain moments to enhance the scene's depth and intensity.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it delves into Elisabeth's inner thoughts and emotions, creating a sense of empathy and connection with the audience.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and emotion as Elisabeth prepares for her date, creating a sense of anticipation and introspection.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene adheres to the expected format for a character-driven drama, with a focus on visual and emotional details.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure of Elisabeth preparing for her date, with a focus on her internal and external struggles. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the effectiveness of the scene.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures Elisabeth's emotional journey as she prepares for her date, showcasing her desire for self-acceptance and the struggle against her insecurities. The contrast between her initial confidence in the beautiful dress and the subsequent self-doubt when confronted with Sue's image is poignant and relatable.
  • The use of visual elements, such as the zipper gliding up the dress and the reflection in the mirror, serves to symbolize Elisabeth's transformation and her attempt to conceal her flaws. However, the transition from confidence to insecurity could be more pronounced to heighten the emotional stakes.
  • The dialogue is minimal, which works well in this context, allowing the visuals and Elisabeth's internal struggle to take center stage. However, incorporating some internal monologue or thoughts could deepen the audience's understanding of her emotional state.
  • The pacing of the scene is generally effective, but the transition between her initial confidence and the subsequent self-doubt could benefit from a more gradual build-up. This would enhance the tension and make her eventual breakdown in the bathroom feel more impactful.
  • The scene ends with Elisabeth turning off the light, which is a strong visual cue for her emotional state. However, it might be more powerful if this action were accompanied by a brief moment of hesitation or a lingering look at her reflection, emphasizing her internal conflict before she leaves.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief internal monologue or thought process for Elisabeth as she prepares, which could provide insight into her insecurities and heighten the emotional impact of her transformation.
  • Enhance the transition between her confidence and insecurity by incorporating more visual cues or subtle changes in her body language, allowing the audience to feel the shift in her emotional state more acutely.
  • Explore the possibility of including a moment where Elisabeth interacts with her reflection, perhaps speaking to herself or expressing her fears aloud, to create a deeper connection with her character.
  • To increase tension, consider extending the moment where she admires her reflection before she sees Sue, allowing the audience to fully experience her initial confidence before it is shattered.
  • As she prepares to leave, include a moment of hesitation or a final look at her reflection that conveys her internal struggle, reinforcing the theme of self-acceptance and the pressure of societal beauty standards.



Scene 37 -  Reflections of Inadequacy
136 INT. CORRIDOR / ENTRANCE / LIVING ROOM - EVENING 136

Walking down the hallway, she forces herself not to look in
the living room... but just when she is about to open the
front door...

Her face tenses... she is struggling as she is about to grab
the big, round metal doorknob... where we discover that she
can see her reflection.




THE SUBSTANCE - May 3rd 2022 - 83 -
...sc 136


She tries to disregard the distorted hamster face that is
reflected by the metallic sphere.

Behind her the billboard looms... as if she could sense it
even with her back turned: all that fresh collagen, that body
overflowing with perfection...

She tries to stay strong... her eyes shut tight to not see
her reflection as her hand approaches the doorknob...

CUT TO:

137 INT. BATHROOM - EVENING 137

Elisabeth in front of the bathroom mirror; a dour, accusatory
look in her eyes as she looks at her reflection:

Disgusting.

She uses a cotton pad to wipe the lipstick off her face with
a slow and harsh gesture, smearing it onto her cheek like a
bloody gash.

138 INT. BEDROOM - NIGHT 138

Elisabeth is sitting in her bathrobe on the bed, her make-up
removed and her hair down, her skin reddened from repeatedly
putting her make-up on and taking it off.

We see her from behind, slightly stooped, facing the window.

Outside, the HUGE palm tree.

Its CRUSHING VERTICALITY.

On the night table, her telephone lights up with a slew of
messages from “FRED” who has visibly been trying to reach her
for some time.

FADE IN:

139 INT. LIVING ROOM - NIGHT 139

The living room plunged in darkness. A faint, flickering
light from the television.

From behind the big armchair, we see Elisabeth’s hand on the
armrest.

A long moment on the TV, with its endless babbling...

(off we hear the neighbor knocking at the front door t:
“Birdy? Birdy Sue?”)




THE SUBSTANCE - May 3rd 2022 - 84 -
...sc 139


Then, after a long while, the bathrobed figure gets up and
crosses the living room, dragging her feet.

140 INT. FRIDGE / KITCHEN - NIGHT 140

POV FROM INSIDE THE REFRIGERATOR - THE DOOR OPENS: we see the
bathrobe standing in front of the shelves filled with food.
Not moving.

In the foreground, a roast chicken amongst other groceries.

The exasperating sound of the TV echoing from behind... Then
the bathrobe grabs a plate with leftover quiche and closes
the door, making everything go: BLACK.

FADE IN:

141A INT. CORRIDOR / BATHROOM - DAY 141A

HISSSSSSSSSSSS

FROM THE DARK LONG HALLWAY - through the bathroom doorframe
we see the shower filled with steam. We hear the water
running and can make out a figure inside the steamy shower.

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Drama","Psychological Thriller"]

Summary In a dimly lit home, Elisabeth grapples with her self-image as she walks down a corridor, confronted by her distorted reflection in the doorknob and societal beauty standards. After a moment of hesitation, she harshly removes her lipstick in the bathroom, revealing her disgust. The scene shifts to her bedroom, where she notices missed calls from Fred, before transitioning to the dark living room. Alone and silent, she eventually moves to the kitchen, grabbing leftover food from the fridge as the TV flickers in the background, highlighting her feelings of isolation and self-loathing.
Strengths
  • Effective use of visual symbolism
  • Strong emotional impact
  • Exploration of complex themes
Weaknesses
  • Minimal plot progression
  • Sparse dialogue

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys the protagonist's inner turmoil and self-loathing through the use of mirrors and reflections. The dark and intense tone creates a sense of unease and discomfort, drawing the audience into the character's emotional state.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of using mirrors and reflections to explore the protagonist's self-loathing and insecurity is innovative and impactful. The scene effectively conveys the character's internal struggles and emotional turmoil through visual symbolism.

Plot: 7.5

While the plot progression is minimal in this scene, the focus on the protagonist's emotional state and inner conflict adds depth to the overall story. The scene contributes to the character development and thematic exploration.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh perspective on the theme of self-image and societal beauty standards. The authenticity of the protagonist's actions and dialogue adds depth to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The scene delves into the protagonist's character, highlighting her insecurities and self-loathing. The emotional depth and complexity of the character are effectively portrayed through her interactions with mirrors and reflections.

Character Changes: 8

The protagonist undergoes a significant emotional change in this scene, moving from self-loathing and insecurity to a deeper understanding of her inner struggles. The exploration of her character adds depth and complexity to the story.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to confront her own self-image and feelings of inadequacy. She is grappling with her own perception of beauty and struggling to accept herself.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to avoid facing the societal pressures and expectations placed upon her. She is trying to escape the constant reminders of perfection and beauty around her.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 5

The conflict in this scene is primarily internal, focusing on the protagonist's inner struggles and emotional turmoil. The tension arises from her self-loathing and insecurity, rather than external conflicts.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene adds complexity and conflict, creating obstacles for the protagonist to overcome.

High Stakes: 4

The stakes in this scene are primarily internal, focusing on the protagonist's emotional turmoil and self-loathing. While the consequences are personal and emotional, they do not have immediate life-threatening implications.

Story Forward: 6

While the scene does not significantly move the plot forward, it adds depth to the protagonist's character and explores important themes of self-loathing and insecurity. The scene contributes to the overall emotional and thematic development of the story.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because it subverts expectations and explores complex themes of self-acceptance and societal beauty standards.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the protagonist's struggle with self-acceptance and societal standards of beauty. It challenges her beliefs about worth and appearance.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking feelings of unease, discomfort, and empathy for the protagonist's struggles. The intense and dark tone creates a strong emotional connection with the audience.

Dialogue: 6

There is minimal dialogue in this scene, with the protagonist's inner thoughts and emotions being conveyed through visuals and actions. The sparse dialogue adds to the sense of isolation and introspection.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it delves into the protagonist's inner struggles and external challenges, keeping the audience invested in her journey.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, drawing the audience into the protagonist's emotional journey.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, enhancing the readability and flow of the narrative.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene effectively conveys the protagonist's internal and external conflicts, leading to a cohesive narrative.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures Elisabeth's internal struggle with her self-image, using her reflections in the doorknob and bathroom mirror to symbolize her feelings of inadequacy. However, the metaphor of the 'distorted hamster face' could be more nuanced; it risks coming off as overly simplistic or even comedic in a serious context. Consider refining this imagery to evoke deeper emotional resonance.
  • The transition between the hallway and the bathroom is well-executed, but the pacing could be improved. The moment where Elisabeth wipes off her lipstick is powerful, yet it feels rushed. Expanding on her emotional state during this action could enhance the impact, allowing the audience to linger on her feelings of disgust and despair.
  • The use of the palm tree outside the window as a visual metaphor for crushing verticality is intriguing, but it could be more explicitly tied to Elisabeth's emotional state. A brief internal monologue or a more vivid description of her feelings towards the tree could strengthen this connection.
  • The scene's tone is consistent with the overall theme of self-loathing and societal pressure, but the dialogue is absent. While this can be effective, consider incorporating some internal dialogue or voiceover to provide insight into Elisabeth's thoughts, which would deepen the audience's understanding of her turmoil.
  • The ending of the scene, where Elisabeth drags her feet to the kitchen, is visually striking but could benefit from a stronger emotional payoff. The audience should feel her exhaustion and defeat more profoundly. Perhaps a moment of hesitation or a brief flashback to happier times could enhance this emotional weight.
Suggestions
  • Refine the imagery of Elisabeth's reflection to evoke a more complex emotional response, avoiding overly simplistic comparisons.
  • Expand on the moment where Elisabeth wipes off her lipstick, allowing for a deeper exploration of her emotional state during this action.
  • Strengthen the connection between the palm tree and Elisabeth's feelings by adding a brief internal monologue or description.
  • Consider incorporating internal dialogue or voiceover to provide insight into Elisabeth's thoughts and feelings, enhancing the audience's connection to her character.
  • Add a moment of hesitation or reflection at the end of the scene to amplify the emotional impact of Elisabeth's actions as she moves to the kitchen.



Scene 38 -  The Mysterious Bulge
141B INT. SHOWER - DAY 141B

THE SHOWER HEAD SPITS OUT its powerful stream of water on...

SUE.

A long moment during which she revels in the gush of hot
water.

The pleasure she exudes being back inside her body, enjoying
her shapely self that awakens with the hot water.

While lathering, she seems to feel something on her
buttock...

She twists around to look at her butt cheek.... She lightly
presses on it with her hand... which reveals... a small bulge
under the epidermis surrounded by unsightly orange-peel
looking cellulite that mars the skin... what the f...? She
lets go... and the bulge disappears... Her skin is smooth and
immaculate once again. She presses on the spot... but it’s
gone...

She waits a moment... then runs her palm over her butt,
pressing on the area again... but everything is all right.

CUT TO:



THE SUBSTANCE - May 3rd 2022 - 85 -
...sc 142

142 INT. BEDROOM - DAY 142

Wearing a towel, we follow her into the bedroom.

She grabs her clothes, sits on the bed - and SPRINGS BACK UP
immediately like a jack-in-the box. She felt something.

She brushes her fingers over her butt cheek and stands in
front of the bedroom mirror, contorting herself to look at
her buttock... but no, there is nothing. She stands in front
of the mirror for a long while to check. Everything is ok.

Her impeccably shaped backside.

143 EXT. STREET (GLAM & POP) - DAY 143

We follow Sue from behind, walking with a lively step.

Everything is hot. Colorful. Enhanced.

144A INT. TV STUDIO / SUE’S DRESSING ROOM - DAY 144A

Sue changes into her leotard.

She checks her ass in the mirror.

Impeccable.

144B INT. BACKSTAGE HALLWAY - DAY 144B

We follow her onto the soundstage.

145 INT. TV STUDIO / PUMP IT UP SHOW - DAY 145

She greets everybody, stretches to warm up.

A last glance at her ass to make sure she looks all right.

Perfect.

She places herself center stage among the dancers.

Everybody is ready to start taping the show.

The cameramen are in place.

The assistants.

The control room.

ASSISTANT DIRECTOR - PUMP IT UP SHOW
Ready Sue?




THE SUBSTANCE - May 3rd 2022 - 86 -
...sc 145


SUE
(big smile)
Ready!

ASSISTANT DIRECTOR - PUMP IT UP SHOW
Ok, places everyone. Silence.
(counting down with her
fingers)
3... 2... 1...

Cameras on - recording.

Sue’s face IMMEDIATELY FLASHES HER GREAT BIG TOOTHY SMILE

SUE
Hi everybody! I’m Sue and it’s time
to pump it up! Are you ready? LET’S
GO!

The music starts.

Don’t you know pump it up...

you’ve got to pump it up...

She goes right into her routine, accompanied by the dancers
to the rhythm of the fast-paced music.

Cameras traveling behind the group catch their backsides
contracting to the music.

Endless smiles and aerobic routines one after the other.

SUE (CONT’D)
Come on now... STEP! STEP!

Sue seamlessly leads them through the choreographed sequence.

SUE (CONT’D)
NOW SQUEEZE THOSE BUTT MUSCLES and
SQUAT! SQUAT! SQUAT!

Sue runs her hand over her butt to show the movement.

SUE (CONT’D)
SQUA...

She stops short, losing the rhythm; she’s upset.

She felt something.

A pregnant pause. One by one, the dancers stop as well.

The cameras stop recording.

The music stops.

Everybody looks at her.


THE SUBSTANCE - May 3rd 2022 - 87 -
...sc 145


SUE (CONT’D)
I... I thought that...

She slides her hand over her butt cheek and discreetly looks
at it.

There’s nothing.

SUE (CONT’D)
Sorry I... something distracted me.

CONTROL ROOM VOICE
Not a problem. Let’s get right back
to it.

Everyone gets back in place.

Sue anxiously slides her hand once again over her butt cheek -
everything is okay.

Everybody gets back in their places. The assistant mouths the
countdown:

3...2...1

Recording:

SUE
Hi everybody! I’m Sue and it’s time
to pump it up! Are you ready? Let’s
go!

The music starts.

Don’t you know pump it up...

The soldiers begin the choreography.

You’ve got to pump it up...
Still the same rhythm, over and over.

Don’t you know pump it up...
You’ve got to pump it up...
SUE (CONT’D)
Come on now, STEP... STEP! CONTRACT
THOSE BUTT MUSCLES!

Once again she puts her hand on her butt cheek to show the
muscle she is working.

SUE (CONT’D)
AND SQUAT! SQUAT! SQUAT! SQUAT!




THE SUBSTANCE - May 3rd 2022 - 88 -
...sc 145


Everything goes smoothly this time. She goes through the
choreography of movements.

SUE (CONT’D)
Come on now, KEEP IT UP! KEEP IT
UP!

A long sequence where the series of movements are rolled out
one after the other.

Don’t you know pump it up… you’ve got to pump it up…

Don’t you know pump it up… you’ve got to pump it up…

SUE (CONT’D)
And bend over, head between your
legs!

She bends over and sticks her head between her legs...
Schlurrrp The bulge reappears, distorting her butt.

She abruptly straightens back up as if she’d been
electrocuted... Fuck!

She loses her balance, almost falling over. A dancer catches
her just in time. Everybody stops.

The music stops, again. The cameras stop.

This time everybody is a little bewildered.

Sue, dripping in sweat, discreetly checks herself out...
everything is okay. What the fuck is going on?

SUE (CONT’D)
(increasingly stressed
out)
I’m sorry... I... skipped a step.

CONTROL ROOM VOICE
Okay, everybody back in place, we
can’t afford to lose too much time,
there’s another show taping right
after us.

The crew for the next show is already waiting backstage.

FLOOR RUNNER
(to Sue)
Can I get you something? Water?

SUE
No, I’m fine, let’s get right back
to it!
(motivating the troops and
herself)
Ok, third time’s a charm, this is
it!


THE SUBSTANCE - May 3rd 2022 - 89 -
...sc 145


Sue’s stress level is rising as she feels everyone’s eyes on
her, watching for the next trip up.

Everyone gets back in position. The cameras. The assistant
who gives the countdown. 3...2...1

Recording.

SUE (CONT’D)
Hi everybody! I’m Sue and it’s time
to pump it up! Are you ready? Let’s
go!

They start again from the beginning. The music is
increasingly unbearable.

Don’t you know pump it up...
You’ve got to pump it up...
Don’t you know pump it up...
You’ve got t-
The music stops.

Yet everything was going fine this time.

Sue gives a questioning glance: what’s going on?

She sees the crew bustling about... Someone is giving
instructions through a walkie-talkie. The info is passed from
person to person, walkie-talkie to walkie-talkie.

ASSISTANT DIRECTOR - PUMP IT UP SHOW
Sorry, it’s the control room now.
(listening to her ear
piece)
The director says he saw something
bizarre on the monitor. He has to
check it out.
(listening to her
earpiece)
Which one?
(to the stage hands)
Bring up the replay on camera 2!

Sue turns and sees that it’s the camera... that is just
behind her ass.

Her stress level is rising... she pulls down on her leotard
bottom to better cover her ass, but the cut of the fabric
just won’t allow for it.

Sue keeps her back close to the wall so that nobody can see
her ass in case the bulge returns.



THE SUBSTANCE - May 3rd 2022 - 90 -
...sc 145


They have started the replay: on a giant screen at the back
of the scenery, images of the troop rewind at top speed,
making them look like ridiculous little marionettes shaking
their legs and asses.

SUE
Can I have my dressing gown?

SUE’S ASSISTANT
...sorry it’s in your dressing
room...

SUE
(in a burst of anger)
Well, then GO GET IT!!!

The video comes to a close up shot of Sue’s ass.

She’s increasingly nervous as the control room gives the time
code for the problematic frame while everyone is watching her
ass, frame by frame on the giant screen...

Sue’s assistant finally returns with her cover up, which she
throws on nervously before suddenly rushing down the hallway.

SUE (CONT’D)
I need a 5-minute break.
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In a TV studio, Sue enjoys a hot shower but becomes anxious after discovering a mysterious bulge on her buttock that disappears when touched. As she leads a group of dancers in a routine, the bulge reappears, causing her to lose her rhythm and panic. The crew notices something odd on the monitor, leading to a replay that heightens her anxiety. Overwhelmed by the situation, Sue requests a break to regroup.
Strengths
  • Building tension
  • Effective portrayal of anxiety and insecurity
  • Intriguing plot twist
Weaknesses
  • Repetitive choreography descriptions
  • Slightly predictable outcome

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively builds tension and anxiety through Sue's escalating physical discomfort and the high-stakes situation of a live TV performance. The unexpected twist with the physical anomaly adds intrigue and keeps the audience engaged.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a character experiencing a physical anomaly during a live performance is intriguing and adds a unique layer of suspense to the scene.

Plot: 8.5

The plot of the scene revolves around Sue's escalating physical discomfort and the consequences of her anomaly during the live TV performance. It effectively drives the tension and sets up future conflicts.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on the theme of body image and self-perception, exploring the intersection of physical appearance and performance in the entertainment industry.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters, especially Sue, are well-developed in this scene, with Sue's increasing anxiety and insecurity portrayed convincingly. The supporting characters also play their roles effectively.

Character Changes: 8

Sue undergoes a significant emotional change in the scene, transitioning from confidence to insecurity and panic as she grapples with the physical anomaly.

Internal Goal: 8

Sue's internal goal in this scene is to maintain her composure and professionalism despite feeling a sense of unease and discomfort with her body. This reflects her deeper fear of losing control and being judged by others.

External Goal: 7

Sue's external goal is to successfully tape the show without any interruptions or mistakes. She wants to maintain her reputation as a skilled performer.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict in the scene is primarily internal, as Sue faces the challenge of dealing with a physical anomaly during a high-pressure live performance. The external conflict arises from the potential consequences of her actions.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with external pressures and internal struggles creating obstacles for the protagonist to overcome.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in the scene, as Sue's performance and reputation are on the line due to the physical anomaly she experiences during the live TV show.

Story Forward: 9

The scene effectively moves the story forward by introducing a new obstacle for the protagonist and setting up future conflicts and developments.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because it introduces unexpected obstacles and moments of vulnerability for the protagonist, keeping the reader on edge.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the pressure to conform to societal standards of beauty and perfection, while also dealing with the unpredictability of the human body and its imperfections.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene evokes a strong emotional response from the audience, particularly feelings of anxiety, discomfort, and empathy for Sue's predicament.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the characters' emotions and the escalating tension. It adds to the overall atmosphere of anxiety and discomfort.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it creates a sense of suspense and empathy for the protagonist, drawing the reader into her emotional journey and the challenges she faces.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, leading to a climactic moment of realization for the protagonist.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is well-executed, with clear transitions between locations and a focus on visual and sensory details to enhance the reader's experience.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with a buildup of tension and conflict, leading to a climactic moment of realization and vulnerability for the protagonist.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures Sue's anxiety and obsession with her appearance, which aligns with the overarching themes of body image and self-worth in the screenplay. However, the repetition of her checking her buttock could be streamlined to avoid redundancy and maintain pacing. The audience understands her fixation, and excessive repetition may detract from the tension.
  • The transition from the shower to the dressing room is smooth, but the scene could benefit from more sensory details to enhance the atmosphere. Describing the steam, the sound of water, and the feeling of the towel against her skin could immerse the audience further into Sue's experience.
  • The dialogue is minimal, which works well for this scene, but it might be beneficial to include internal monologue or thoughts from Sue to provide deeper insight into her emotional state. This could help the audience connect more with her struggles and fears.
  • The moment where Sue feels the bulge and it disappears is intriguing, but it could be more impactful if the bulge were tied to a specific emotional trigger or memory. This would add layers to her character and make the audience question whether it is a physical manifestation of her insecurities or a psychological issue.
  • The pacing of the scene is generally good, but the buildup to the moment of panic could be heightened. Consider adding more tension-building elements, such as her glancing at the clock or hearing the crew's chatter, to emphasize her growing anxiety as she prepares for the show.
Suggestions
  • Consider reducing the number of times Sue checks her buttock to streamline the scene and maintain tension. Focus on one or two key moments that highlight her anxiety.
  • Enhance sensory details in the shower scene to create a more immersive experience for the audience. Describe the steam, the warmth of the water, and the feeling of the towel against her skin.
  • Incorporate internal monologue or thoughts from Sue to provide deeper insight into her emotional state and struggles with body image.
  • Explore the idea of the bulge as a physical manifestation of her insecurities or a psychological issue, tying it to specific emotional triggers or memories.
  • Add tension-building elements leading up to the moment of panic, such as time constraints or distractions from the crew, to heighten the stakes and emphasize Sue's anxiety.



Scene 39 -  Grotesque Reflection
146 INT. TV STUDIO / BACKSTAGE HALLWAY. DAY 146

We follow her as she walks with a hurried step down the long
hallway.

147 INT. TV STUDIO / DRESSING ROOM - DAY 147

She comes to her dressing room, shuts herself inside and
looks in the mirror.

Slowly, she lifts the fabric of her leotard to discover...
the bulge which has returned to the same spot as in the
shower earlier... but bigger and uglier this time.

What the hell...

It’s like an internal growth that is deforming her butt
cheek... as though something were stuck under her skin.

She lightly presses on the bulge and realizes that she can...
move it... she pushes and palpates all around it... and with
a small suction noise the bulge starts slowly moving under
her skin - up her buttock and towards her waist.

FLOOR RUNNER (O.S.)
(softly knocking on the
door)
(MORE)


THE SUBSTANCE - May 3rd 2022 - 91 -
...sc 147
FLOOR RUNNER (O.S.) (CONT'D)
Sue, do you want some coffee or
something?

She doesn’t even answer. She is completely obsessed with the
mass under her skin, which she pushes between her fingers
sliding it around.

...the fatty lump moves slowly under her skin towards her
waist...

she pushes it again, guiding it around to her stomach...

...leading the fatty lump to her belly button.

As the bulge approaches the skin under her belly button, she
starts to see something in the center of her belly button...
a sort of... like the end of a... she sticks her two fingers
into her belly button to try and grab... sticking her fingers
further in, she spreads apart the sides of her belly button
in order to dig deeper to try and grip the end of whatever it
is... she grabs the end and starts to pull it out...
discovering little by little... an oblong shape that she
slowly extricates... it’s a...

CHICKEN DRUMSTICK...
...ROASTED...
dripping with grease that she
slowly extracts from her belly
button with an icky slimy
sound:SLUUURPUH!!!!
AND HER BELLY BUTTON CLOSES BACK UP
LIKE AN ANUS WITH A SUCTION NOISE!!!

148 INT. SECRET ROOM - NIGHT 148

AHAAAAAAAAAA...AND SUE WAKES UP WITH A START!!!!!!!!
SWEATING BULLETS IN THE SECRET ROOM

FUCK!

The matrix in stasis is lying on the floor at the other end
of the switch pipe next to her.

Sue is bathed in sweat. She checks her stomach... her ass...
both are impeccable and perfect, trying to regain her wits as
this horrible nightmare fades.

WHAT A MINDFUCK... A goddamn mindfuck...




THE SUBSTANCE - May 3rd 2022 - 92 -
...sc 148


She throws an accusatory look at Elisabeth who is on the
floor, and we follow her...

149 OMITTED 149


150 INT. HALLWAY / LIVING ROOM - NIGHT 150

...as she goes down the corridor.. Entering the living room
she stops... and stares at something that is right in front
of her.

Close up low angle shot that shows the anger rising in her
harsh eyes...

In reverse angle we see what she is staring at...

A BIG CHICKEN CARCASS entirely picked to pieces on the coffee
table. Chicken bones and potato leftovers smeared on a plate.
An empty pint of ice cream. Chocolate bars recklessly munched
down to the last square.

She looks at the deeper imprint left on the big armchair...

Traces of greasy fingerprints on the TV remote control.

Big slippers left on the carpet.

She totters a little and sits in the armchair to collect
herself.

Fuck, what a total lack of control...Revolting...

She nervously rubs her belly, thighs, hunching over, sticking
her head between her knees.

We can sense how much it disgusts her that she is
increasingly letting herself go as Elisabeth.

Sue abruptly grabs the plate and walks out of the living
room.

151 INT. GARBAGE - NIGHT 151

LOW ANGLE SHOT FROM INSIDE THE TRASH CAN WHICH OPENS
revealing Sue’s face. She throws all the leftovers down - the
chicken bones and the chicken rain down and cover the camera.

BLACK

CUT TO:

152 INT. SECRET ROOM - NIGHT 152

Sue tips the matrix over onto her side.


THE SUBSTANCE - May 3rd 2022 - 93 -
...sc 152


As she sticks the long needle into her back to fill seven new
vials, her eyes focus on details of Elisabeth’s body...

Her gnarled and deformed finger, covered in grease.

The long scar that snakes up her spinal column.

She finds this body increasingly ugly.

Flabby.

Unattractive and USELESS.

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Horror","Sci-Fi","Drama"]

Summary In a disturbing scene, Sue navigates her backstage dressing room, where she discovers a bulge under her skin that grotesquely reveals a roasted chicken drumstick. Awakening in a secret room, she feels relief at her intact body but is haunted by the nightmare. In her living room, remnants of a messy meal amplify her disgust and loss of control, leading her to throw the leftovers away as she grapples with her self-image and the unattractiveness of those around her.
Strengths
  • Effective body horror elements
  • Compelling exploration of self-disgust
  • Strong emotional impact
Weaknesses
  • Minimal dialogue
  • Limited character interaction

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene is highly effective in creating a sense of unease and disgust through the body horror elements and the exploration of the protagonist's deteriorating self-image. It is intense, intriguing, and leaves a lasting impact on the viewer.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of body horror and self-disgust is executed brilliantly in this scene. The discovery of the bulge and the extraction of the chicken drumstick are unique and innovative elements that add depth to the narrative.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene revolves around the protagonist's disturbing discovery and her reaction to it, as well as her deteriorating self-image. It is crucial in building tension and exploring the character's psyche.

Originality: 9

The scene displays a high level of originality with its unique blend of body horror, surrealism, and dark humor. The discovery of a chicken drumstick in the protagonist's belly button adds a fresh and unexpected twist to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters in the scene, particularly the protagonist, are well-developed and their reactions to the events are believable and engaging. The contrast between the protagonist and the other character adds depth to the narrative.

Character Changes: 8

The protagonist undergoes a significant change in her perception of herself and her body, leading to a deeper exploration of her character and psyche. This change drives the emotional impact of the scene.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to maintain control over her body image and appearance, as reflected in her disgust and horror at the changes happening to her body. This reflects her deeper fear of losing control and becoming unattractive or undesirable.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to confront the changes happening to her body and find a solution to the mysterious bulge and chicken drumstick. This reflects the immediate challenge she is facing in dealing with the physical transformation.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict in the scene is internal, as the protagonist grapples with her deteriorating self-image and the disturbing discovery within her body. This conflict drives the tension and emotional impact of the scene.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist facing a difficult challenge in dealing with the changes happening to her body. The audience is left unsure of how she will overcome this obstacle.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in the scene as the protagonist grapples with her deteriorating self-image and the disturbing discovery within her body. The emotional impact and tension are heightened by the high stakes.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by delving into the protagonist's internal conflict and self-discovery. It adds depth to the narrative and sets the stage for further character development.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twist of finding a chicken drumstick in the protagonist's belly button. The surreal elements and dark humor add to the unpredictability of the narrative.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the protagonist's struggle with body image and self-perception. It challenges her beliefs about control, beauty, and self-worth.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking feelings of fear, disgust, and revulsion in the audience. The body horror elements and the protagonist's emotional turmoil create a sense of unease and tension.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue in the scene is minimal but effective in conveying the characters' emotions and reactions to the events. It adds to the overall atmosphere of unease and disgust.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its blend of body horror, surrealism, and dark humor. The mysterious bulge and chicken drumstick create a sense of unease and tension, keeping the audience intrigued.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension and suspense as the protagonist discovers the mysterious bulge and chicken drumstick. The gradual reveal adds to the sense of unease and horror.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings and descriptions that enhance the visual storytelling.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with a clear progression of events and a focus on the protagonist's internal and external struggles.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds on the body horror theme established earlier, using the grotesque imagery of the bulge and the chicken drumstick to symbolize Sue's internal struggles with her identity and control over her body. However, the transition from the dressing room to the secret room feels abrupt and could benefit from a smoother narrative flow to maintain the tension.
  • The dialogue from the Floor Runner is minimal and serves to highlight Sue's obsession with the bulge. However, it might be more impactful if the Floor Runner's voice were more insistent or concerned, emphasizing Sue's detachment from reality as she becomes consumed by her own body horror.
  • The imagery of the chicken drumstick being extracted from Sue's belly button is both shocking and darkly humorous, but it risks alienating the audience if not handled delicately. The balance between horror and humor should be carefully calibrated to ensure it resonates with viewers rather than repulses them.
  • Sue's reaction to the nightmare is effective in conveying her anxiety and confusion, but the scene could delve deeper into her emotional state. Adding internal monologue or flashbacks could enhance the audience's understanding of her psychological turmoil and the stakes of her situation.
  • The visual descriptions are vivid, but the pacing could be improved. The scene feels rushed at times, particularly during the extraction of the drumstick. Slowing down the action to linger on Sue's expressions and physical sensations could heighten the tension and horror.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment of reflection for Sue after she wakes up in the secret room, allowing her to process the nightmare and its implications on her mental state.
  • Enhance the Floor Runner's dialogue to create a stronger contrast between the mundane world outside the dressing room and Sue's internal chaos, perhaps by making their concern more palpable.
  • Explore the use of sound design in the scene, such as the squelching noises during the extraction, to amplify the horror and make the audience feel more immersed in Sue's experience.
  • Incorporate more sensory details to describe Sue's physical sensations as she interacts with the bulge, which could deepen the audience's connection to her discomfort and horror.
  • Consider a more gradual reveal of the chicken drumstick, allowing for a buildup of tension before the grotesque moment, which could enhance the shock value and emotional impact.



Scene 40 -  Fractured Balance
153 EXT. STREET (GLAM & POP) - DAY 153

THE GREEN PALM TREES that pass by like KNIVES SKEWERING the
BLUE sky.

We follow Sue walking briskly while on the phone.

The piercing sound of the line Bri-iiiing Bri-iiiing

Yes?

SUE
THIS BALANCE IS NOT WORKING!

Her gait is agitated and she seems to be looking for
reassurance in the eyes of others as she passes them by.

SUE (CONT’D)
Why do we have to keep it even?! I
mean, we clearly don’t have the
same needs! I barely have the time
to enjoy myself while SHE wastes
seven days STUFFING HER FACE in
front of the TV!

Remember there is no she and y-

She hangs up on him. F..! And represses the impulse to bash
her phone against the pavement.

CUT TO:

154A INT. TV STUDIO / SUE’S DRESSING ROOM - DAY 154A

POV FROM INSIDE A LOCKER IN THE DRESSING ROOM. THE LOCKER
DOOR OPENS - Sue finishes getting into her leotard, appearing
increasingly pensive and perturbed.




THE SUBSTANCE - May 3rd 2022 - 94 -
...sc 154B

154B INT. BACKSTAGE HALLWAY - DAY 154B

We follow her from behind walking towards the studio.

155 INT. TV STUDIO / PUMP IT UP - DAY 155

She opens the door energetically:

SUE
Hello everybod...

NO ONE IS THERE.

THE SET IS EMPTY. THE LIGHTS ARE OUT.

A wave of panic sweeps over her face.

She sees a STAGEHAND putting away the last cables.

SUE (CONT’D)
What’s happening? Where is
everybody?!

STAGEHAND
The taping has been cancelled.

SUE
What?! Why?

MAN’S VOICE (O.S.)
Sue?

Startled, she jumps and turns towards a FLOOR RUNNER standing
behind her with a serious look on his face.

FLOOR RUNNER
Harvey wants to see you in his
office - immediately.

Sue is increasingly shaken...

SUE
I... I’ll go change and-

FLOOR RUNNER
He said NOW.
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary Sue walks briskly down the street, frustrated with her life compared to others. After an angry phone call, she enters her dressing room, troubled as she prepares for a taping. Upon arriving at the empty studio, panic sets in when a stagehand informs her that the taping is canceled, and a floor runner urgently tells her that Harvey wants to see her. The scene captures Sue's escalating anxiety as she faces the unknown.
Strengths
  • Strong emotional impact
  • Tense atmosphere
  • Compelling character development
Weaknesses
  • Slightly predictable plot progression

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys Sue's emotional state through tense interactions and unexpected developments, keeping the audience engaged and intrigued.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of Sue facing unexpected challenges and emotional turmoil is compelling and well-executed, drawing the audience into her world.

Plot: 8.5

The plot of the scene is engaging and propels the story forward, introducing new conflicts and obstacles for the characters to overcome.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh approach to the theme of balance and inequality, with unique character dynamics and a sense of unpredictability. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters, especially Sue, are well-developed and their emotions and motivations are effectively portrayed, adding depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 8

Sue undergoes significant emotional changes throughout the scene, from agitation to panic, adding complexity to her character.

Internal Goal: 8

Sue's internal goal in this scene is to express her frustration and dissatisfaction with the balance in her life. This reflects her deeper need for validation, understanding, and a sense of fairness.

External Goal: 7

Sue's external goal in this scene is to find out why the taping has been cancelled and to meet with Harvey. This reflects the immediate challenge she is facing in her career and the uncertainty of the situation.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The scene is filled with internal and external conflicts that create tension and drive the narrative forward.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Sue facing unexpected challenges and obstacles that test her resolve and decision-making. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of how she will navigate the situation.

High Stakes: 8

The high stakes of Sue's urgent meeting and unexpected cancellations raise the tension and keep the audience invested in the outcome.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by introducing new challenges and obstacles for the characters to overcome, setting up future developments.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the sudden cancellation of the taping and the unexpected meeting with Harvey. The audience is left wondering about the outcome and the protagonist's next steps.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the struggle between balance and inequality. Sue questions the need to keep things even when they clearly aren't, highlighting a clash between societal expectations and personal desires.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions in the audience, particularly anxiety and unease, as they empathize with Sue's struggles.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue is tense and impactful, conveying the characters' emotions and driving the narrative forward.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense emotional conflict, fast-paced dialogue, and unexpected plot developments. The audience is drawn into Sue's world and invested in her journey.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and suspense, with a gradual escalation of conflict and emotional intensity. The rhythm of the dialogue and action keeps the audience engaged and invested in the outcome.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings and descriptions. The visual elements are well-defined and contribute to the atmosphere of the scene.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear transitions and a buildup of tension. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the effectiveness of the scene.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures Sue's escalating anxiety and frustration, particularly through her dialogue and physicality. However, the transition from her phone call to her arrival at the empty studio feels abrupt. The emotional stakes could be heightened by providing more context about her relationship with the person on the other end of the line, which would deepen the audience's understanding of her distress.
  • The imagery of 'green palm trees that pass by like knives skewering the blue sky' is vivid and sets a tone of discomfort, but it could be more closely tied to Sue's emotional state. Consider using metaphors that reflect her internal turmoil more directly, perhaps by describing the environment in a way that mirrors her feelings of being overwhelmed or out of control.
  • The dialogue is strong in conveying Sue's frustration, but it could benefit from more subtext. Instead of stating her feelings outright, consider allowing her to express her emotions through more nuanced language or by showing her actions that reflect her inner conflict. This would create a richer experience for the audience.
  • The pacing of the scene is somewhat uneven. The initial phone call feels rushed, and the transition to the dressing room could be smoother. Consider adding a moment of reflection or hesitation after the call before she enters the dressing room, allowing the audience to absorb her emotional state.
  • The reveal of the empty studio is impactful, but it could be enhanced by incorporating sensory details that emphasize the silence and emptiness. For example, describing the echo of her voice or the dim lighting could amplify the sense of isolation and panic she feels.
Suggestions
  • Add a brief moment of internal reflection for Sue after the phone call to deepen her emotional state before she enters the dressing room.
  • Consider revising the metaphor about the palm trees to better reflect Sue's internal struggle, perhaps using imagery that evokes feelings of entrapment or chaos.
  • Incorporate more subtext into Sue's dialogue, allowing her to express her frustration in a way that reveals her vulnerability without stating it directly.
  • Smooth out the pacing by including a transitional moment that allows the audience to feel Sue's anxiety before she enters the dressing room.
  • Enhance the description of the empty studio with sensory details that emphasize the silence and isolation, creating a more immersive experience for the audience.



Scene 41 -  A New Opportunity
156 INT. HARVEY’S OFFICE - DAY 156

Sue arrives in the office.

Harvey’s armchair is turned towards the plate-glass window;
we can only see the imposing back of his chair.




THE SUBSTANCE - May 3rd 2022 - 95 -
...sc 156


The three men in suits are there, staring at her. One of them
is sitting on the couch. Another is leaning on the corner of
Harvey’s desk. The third stands by the plate-glass window.

Harvey swivels around to face her:

HARVEY
We’ve discovered your little
secret.

Dead silence.

HARVEY (CONT’D)
I couldn’t believe MY EARS!
(staring right into her
eyes)
ELISABETH SPARKLE?!!

SUE
Listen I-

HARVEY
You can’t actually be living in ...
(weird grin)
..ELISABETH SPARKLE’S APARTMENT??!

Sue’s face...

HARVEY (CONT’D)
It’s too much of a coincidence! I
sack her and BAM! Here she is again
trying to stick her foot right back
in the door!
(he chuckles)

An enormous burden is lifted from Sue’s shoulders, relieved
that it’s “only that...”

SUE
Uh...yes we...we briefly met when
she was moving out of town... she
asked me if I was looking for a
place to rent... which I was so...
there you have it.

Silence.

HARVEY
Oh she left town?... where did she
go?

A beat.

SUE
Uh... ... Costa Rica I think.

A long silence.



THE SUBSTANCE - May 3rd 2022 - 96 -
...sc 156


One of the men in suits.

SUIT #1
It’s great for taxes.

Silence.

Harvey raises his eyebrows with a grunt of approval before
slamming his two hands down on his desk.

HARVEY
ANYWAY! That’s not why I wanted to
see you.
(suddenly very serious)
I’m going to get straight to the
point: we can’t keep you on the
morning show.

Dead silence. Sue can’t breathe.

SUE
But WHY?? I’ve j-

HARVEY
Ratings are through the roof.

A beat. Lost. Sue’s emotional roller coaster is palpable.

HARVEY (CONT’D)
We started at 42. We’re now at...
(he gestures to one of the
men)

SUIT #2
216.

HARVEY
That’s phe-no-me-nal. We’ve never
seen such figures in all the
network’s history! PEOPLE LOVE YOU!
THEY ADORE YOU!

Sue, suddenly overcome with emotion...

HARVEY (CONT’D)
That’s why we’ve decided we want
you to host... THE NEW YEAR’S EVE
SHOW.

A beat.

SUE
...you mean... The...

HARVEY
...network’s biggest show! 50
million viewers... LIVE. You can’t
get any higher ...
(MORE)

THE SUBSTANCE - May 3rd 2022 - 97 -
...sc 156
HARVEY (CONT’D)
(a beat with a glassy look
in his eye)
Well, except if you die... then
you’d go...
(he gestures towards the
ceiling)

A beat, as if behind his glassy eyes he were suddenly engaged
in a deep metaphysical reflection... then he abruptly comes
back to the point:

HARVEY (CONT’D)
Anyway, I’m taking a huge gamble on
you and these men can tell you I
talked you up to the shareholders
‘til my last drop of saliva,
convincing them this is the way to
go. It’s going to be intense. We
have only a few months to pull it
off, but I know we can do it.
(to Sue)
So? What do you say?

A long beat on Sue.

HARVEY (CONT’D)
Are you in?

Sue’s gleaming eyes...

BLACK
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In Harvey's office, Sue faces a tense moment as he reveals his knowledge of her connection to Elisabeth Sparkle. Initially relieved, Sue's anxiety resurfaces when Harvey informs her that she won't be retained on the morning show despite its success. However, the mood shifts dramatically when he offers her the chance to host the prestigious New Year's Eve show, leaving her emotional and contemplative about her future.
Strengths
  • Strong character development
  • Emotional depth
  • Tension-building
Weaknesses
  • Limited physical action
  • Reliance on dialogue for conflict

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9.2

The scene is well-structured, with a clear purpose of introducing a significant plot development. The tension and emotional depth portrayed through the dialogue and character reactions make it engaging and impactful.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of offering Sue a career-defining opportunity adds depth to the storyline and explores themes of ambition, success, and the challenges of the entertainment industry. It sets the stage for character growth and conflict.

Plot: 9

The plot progression in the scene is significant, as it introduces a major turning point for Sue's character and sets up future conflicts and developments. The decision to have her host the New Year's Eve show raises the stakes and adds layers to the narrative.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh take on the classic 'career advancement' narrative by incorporating elements of mystery and intrigue. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and engaging, adding depth to the storyline.


Character Development

Characters: 9.2

The characters in the scene, especially Sue and Harvey, are well-developed and their interactions reveal their motivations and dynamics. Sue's emotional journey and Harvey's authoritative demeanor create a compelling dynamic that drives the scene.

Character Changes: 9

Sue undergoes a significant emotional transformation in the scene, moving from relief to excitement to anxiety as she processes the career opportunity presented to her. This change sets the stage for her character arc and future decisions.

Internal Goal: 9

The protagonist's internal goal is to navigate the unexpected turn of events and make a decision about her future career path. This reflects her desire for success and recognition in her field.

External Goal: 8

The protagonist's external goal is to understand why she is being let go from her current position and to potentially secure a new opportunity. This reflects the immediate challenge she is facing in her professional life.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8.5

The conflict in the scene is primarily internal, as Sue grapples with the unexpected career opportunity and the pressure of success. The power dynamics between her and Harvey add an additional layer of conflict and tension.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist facing unexpected challenges and conflicting motivations. The audience is kept guessing about the outcome, adding suspense and intrigue to the narrative.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes in the scene are high, as Sue is faced with a career-defining opportunity that could elevate her status in the industry or lead to failure. The pressure to succeed and the expectations placed on her raise the stakes significantly.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by introducing a major plot development that will impact Sue's trajectory and the overall narrative. It sets up new conflicts, relationships, and challenges that will drive the story forward.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the sudden shift in the protagonist's career trajectory and the unexpected offer she receives. The audience is kept on their toes, unsure of how the scene will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the protagonist's personal values and ambitions versus the expectations and demands of her superiors. It challenges her beliefs about success and the sacrifices required to achieve it.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9.2

The scene has a high emotional impact, as Sue experiences a range of emotions from relief to excitement to anxiety. The audience is drawn into her journey and feels the weight of the decision she must make.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue in the scene is sharp and impactful, conveying the characters' emotions, intentions, and the high stakes involved in the decision. It adds depth to the interactions and enhances the tension of the moment.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its high emotional stakes, unexpected plot twists, and dynamic character interactions. The dialogue and pacing keep the audience invested in the protagonist's journey.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is expertly crafted, with a gradual build-up of tension, emotional peaks and valleys, and a climactic reveal. The rhythm of the dialogue and action sequences contributes to the scene's effectiveness.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene adheres to the expected format for its genre, with concise descriptions, effective dialogue tags, and smooth transitions between scenes. The formatting enhances the readability and flow of the screenplay.

Structure: 9

The scene follows a well-defined structure, with clear character motivations, conflict resolution, and plot progression. The pacing and formatting enhance the overall impact of the scene.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension by placing Sue in a high-stakes situation with Harvey and the men in suits. The initial revelation about her connection to Elisabeth Sparkle creates a sense of suspense and intrigue, which is a strong narrative hook.
  • Harvey's character is well-defined through his dialogue and actions, showcasing his manipulative nature and the power dynamics at play. His transition from a seemingly light-hearted tone to a serious one effectively captures the unpredictability of the entertainment industry.
  • The emotional roller coaster that Sue experiences is palpable, but the scene could benefit from more internal reflection or physical reactions from her to enhance the audience's connection to her emotional state. For instance, showing her body language or facial expressions in response to the news could deepen the impact.
  • The dialogue is engaging, but some lines could be tightened for clarity and impact. For example, Harvey's lengthy monologue about the ratings could be condensed to maintain pacing and keep the audience's attention focused on Sue's reactions.
  • The pacing of the scene is generally good, but the transition from the revelation about Elisabeth to the offer for the New Year's Eve show feels slightly abrupt. A smoother transition could help maintain the emotional flow and build anticipation for Sue's response.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment where Sue physically reacts to the news about Elisabeth, such as a gasp or a change in posture, to visually convey her emotional turmoil.
  • Tighten Harvey's dialogue by removing any redundant phrases or excessive details that do not directly contribute to the scene's tension or Sue's emotional journey.
  • Introduce a brief moment of silence or a pause after Harvey reveals the ratings to allow the weight of the information to settle in for both Sue and the audience.
  • Explore Sue's internal thoughts or fears through a brief voiceover or internal monologue, giving the audience insight into her mindset as she processes the news.
  • Consider ending the scene with a more definitive emotional reaction from Sue, whether it's a smile, a look of disbelief, or a moment of hesitation, to leave the audience eager to see how she will respond to the opportunity.



Scene 42 -  Seizing Opportunity
157 INT. SECRET ROOM - NIGHT 157

For a long moment.

Then a ray of light appears through the gap of a door that
slowly opens...

And Sue’s head appears in the gap.

We are inside the secret room looking towards the door.

A long moment on Sue who looks inside the room with shiny
eyes...

We can feel her inner dilemma...

Then she walks into the secret room and slowly kneels down
behind Elisabeth’s back.

A beat...AND HER MANICURED HAND clips one of the empty vials
onto the puncture syringe... AND LIFTS UP THE BANDAGE -
revealing the slightly swollen puncture site.




THE SUBSTANCE - May 3rd 2022 - 98 -
...sc 157


SUE
If you don’t open the door when
opportunity knocks, you won’t get
another chance...

AND SHE SLOWLY PUSHES THE LONG NEEDLE into the puncture
site...

SUE (CONT’D)
You of all people know this...

Elisabeth’s pupil slightly flinches while the needle slowly
drains the liquid.

BLACK


158 INT. SECRET ROOM - DAY 158

A long silence.

And the ray of light appears again.

Sue, in a new outfit, once again appears in the half-opened
door.

We can see several empty vials strewn on the floor, next to
Elisabeth.

She hesitates before entering stealthily.

SUE
Just one more. Then I have a week
off, and we can switch.

THE MANICURED HAND lifts up the bandage - the skin has
visibly grown even more swollen at the puncture site.

We can tell that Sue feels increasingly uneasy. She
manipulates the Matrix with growing disgust.

Jabbing the needle into the swollen skin is a little more
difficult.

BLACK

A long beat...
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In a dimly lit secret room, Sue grapples with her moral conflict as she prepares to inject a substance into the incapacitated Elisabeth. Kneeling behind her, Sue reflects on the importance of seizing opportunities, yet struggles with her growing unease and disgust as she administers the injections. The scene captures the complex dynamic between the two characters, highlighting Sue's internal struggle and the unsettling implications of her actions, culminating in a moment of pause as the screen fades to black.
Strengths
  • Tension-building
  • Mystery elements
  • Character dynamics
  • Emotional impact
Weaknesses
  • Potential for confusion due to complex plot elements

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively builds tension and mystery through its secretive and manipulative actions, creating a sense of unease and intrigue. The themes of control and manipulation are well-executed, and the characters' inner dilemmas add depth to the narrative.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of the scene, centered around a secret room and the manipulation of a mysterious substance, is innovative and engaging. It explores themes of control, manipulation, and moral ambiguity in a compelling way, adding depth to the narrative.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene is driven by the secretive actions of the characters and the manipulation of the substance. It advances the narrative by revealing hidden agendas and character motivations, adding complexity to the story.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on the theme of experimentation and manipulation, with authentic character actions and dialogue that add depth to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters in the scene are well-developed, with complex motivations and inner dilemmas. Sue's manipulative actions and Elisabeth's vulnerability create tension and intrigue, adding depth to the character dynamics.

Character Changes: 8

The characters undergo subtle changes in the scene, revealing hidden motivations and moral dilemmas. Sue's manipulative actions and Elisabeth's vulnerability lead to shifts in their dynamic, adding complexity to their character arcs.

Internal Goal: 8

Sue's internal goal in this scene is to fulfill her duty or obligation, even if it makes her uncomfortable. This reflects her deeper need for approval or validation from Elisabeth, as well as her fear of failure or consequences.

External Goal: 7.5

Sue's external goal is to successfully administer the substance to Elisabeth without any complications. This reflects the immediate challenge she is facing in maintaining the experiment's secrecy and effectiveness.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The scene is characterized by internal and external conflicts, including the manipulation of the substance, hidden agendas, and moral dilemmas. The conflicts create tension and drive the narrative forward, adding complexity to the story.

Opposition: 7.5

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create uncertainty and challenge the characters' beliefs and actions, adding depth to the conflict.

High Stakes: 8

The scene is characterized by high stakes, including the manipulation of the substance, hidden agendas, and moral dilemmas. The characters' actions have significant consequences, adding tension and suspense to the narrative.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by revealing hidden agendas, character motivations, and moral dilemmas. It advances the narrative by introducing new conflicts and complexities, driving the plot towards a resolution.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable due to the characters' conflicting motivations and the uncertain outcome of their actions.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the ethics of experimentation and manipulation. Sue's actions challenge traditional moral values and raise questions about the boundaries of scientific progress.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene evokes feelings of unease, tension, and intrigue, engaging the audience emotionally. The characters' inner dilemmas and moral ambiguity create a sense of empathy and suspense, enhancing the emotional impact of the scene.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys tension, unease, and mystery, enhancing the character interactions and advancing the plot. The dialogue reflects the characters' inner turmoil and hidden agendas, adding depth to the narrative.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its suspenseful atmosphere, moral dilemmas, and character dynamics that keep the audience invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 8.5

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, creating a sense of urgency and emotional impact.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting adheres to the expected standards for the genre, enhancing readability and visual impact.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a structured format that effectively builds tension and suspense, fitting the genre's expectations.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension through Sue's internal conflict and her physical actions, but it could benefit from more explicit emotional stakes. While we understand Sue's dilemma, deeper insight into her feelings about injecting Elisabeth could enhance the audience's connection to her character.
  • The dialogue is minimal, which works well for the atmosphere, but adding a few more internal thoughts or whispered lines could provide clarity on Sue's motivations and fears. This would help the audience grasp the weight of her actions and the moral implications of what she is doing.
  • The visual imagery of the puncture site and the vials is strong, but the scene could be enhanced by incorporating more sensory details. Describing the sounds of the syringe, the smell of the substances, or the physical sensations Sue experiences could create a more immersive experience for the audience.
  • The transition between the two parts of the scene (the night and day) is abrupt. A smoother transition could help maintain the flow and build anticipation for what happens next. Consider using a visual cue or a sound that links the two moments more cohesively.
  • The use of 'BLACK' as a transition is effective for creating suspense, but it might be more impactful if it were accompanied by a sound or a visual cue that reflects Sue's emotional state, such as a heartbeat or a gasp, to heighten the tension.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief internal monologue for Sue as she prepares to inject Elisabeth, revealing her fears and justifications for her actions. This could deepen the audience's understanding of her character.
  • Incorporate more sensory details to enhance the atmosphere. Describe the sounds of the syringe, the texture of the bandage, or the smell of the substances to create a more vivid scene.
  • Smooth out the transition between the two parts of the scene by using a visual or auditory cue that connects the night and day moments, such as a clock ticking or a change in lighting that reflects Sue's emotional state.
  • Explore the possibility of adding a moment where Sue hesitates before injecting Elisabeth, allowing the audience to feel the weight of her decision and the moral implications of her actions.
  • Consider using a more descriptive action for Sue as she injects Elisabeth, perhaps showing her physical reaction to the act, which could further illustrate her internal conflict and disgust.



Scene 43 -  Fractured Reflections
159 INT. SECRET ROOM - DAY 159

AND THE DOOR OPENS AGAIN...

and Sue walks into the room in a new outfit...

She takes off the bandage - there’s a little pus oozing from
the puncture site, which is now infected.


THE SUBSTANCE - May 3rd 2022 - 99 -
...sc 159


(there are more and more empty vials strewn across the floor)
She clips on an empty vial.

We can tell that she is increasingly terrified by what she
sees and also feels guilty... but she can’t help it.

SUE
I’ve got some amazing news...
(kneeling behind her)
We are doing the cover of Vogue!

She fiddles with it, making circular movements to try and dig
a way through the inflamed flesh on Elisabeth’s back.

SUE (CONT’D)
It’s just one more day, it’s not a
big deal...

BLACK

FADE IN:

160A INT. BATHROOM - DAY 160A

THE EMPTY, STILL BATHROOM, where we can only see the door to
the secret room open ajar.

Nothing moves.

Then we hear a big breath being taken: AHAAAAAAAAAAAA

A long silence.

And a bloodcurdling scream tearing through the secret room:

ELISABETH (O.S.)
NOOOOOOO.....

160B INT. LIVING ROOM - DAY 160B

...WHICH ECHOES IN THE STILL LIVING ROOM WITH A VIEW ON THE
SMILING BILLBOARD

ELISABETH VOICE (O.S.)
....NOO OOOOOOOOO

CUT TO:

161A INT. HALLWAY / BATHROOM - DAY 161A

HISSSSSSSSSSS THE ROAR OF THE WATER LIKE A BURST OF THUNDER

THE LONG DARK HALLWAY - at the end of which is the open
bathroom door - the shower is filled with steam from the hot
water.


THE SUBSTANCE - May 3rd 2022 - 100 -
...sc 161B

161B INT. SHOWER - DAY 161B

THE SHOWER HEAD SPITS OUT its powerful stream of water on...

ELISABETH. A dazed look in her eyes as she stares at the
ground.

REVERSE ANGLE ON THE SHOWER FLOOR where we see the water
streaming over... ONE OF HER LEGS THAT HAS AGED TERRIBLY.

Varicose veins crisscross her leg, protruding under the
parchment-thin wrinkled skin reaching all the way to her
groin.

She brushes a lock of hair behind her ear, uncovering a swath
of atrociously aged skin around her right eye, like a black
eye made of wrinkles.

The water falls on her back where the swollen and infected
red area around the puncture site has grown larger, her spine
stooped by her vertebrae’s twisted alignment.

Leaning her palm on the wall for support, we discover that
her entire right hand has aged all the way up to her elbow.

ELISABETH
Not a big deal??....THIS IS NOT A
BIG DEAL?????!

The sound of the phone ringing which grows increasingly
louder as if it was going to FUCKING PIERCE OUR EARDRUMS.

Bri-ing, Bri-iiing...
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller","Horror"]

Summary In a tense scene, Sue enters a secret room, revealing her guilt and fear as she tends to Elisabeth's infected injury. While Sue expresses excitement about a Vogue cover, Elisabeth's distress escalates, culminating in a bloodcurdling scream as she confronts her deteriorating health. The scene shifts to Elisabeth in the shower, where her aged appearance starkly highlights her condition. Their conflicting emotions and communication breakdown create an unsettling atmosphere, ending with the sound of a ringing phone that contrasts with Elisabeth's turmoil.
Strengths
  • Intense atmosphere
  • Vivid descriptions
  • Emotional impact
  • High stakes
Weaknesses
  • Graphic imagery may be disturbing to some audiences

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9.2

The scene effectively builds tension and horror through its vivid descriptions and unsettling imagery. It evokes strong emotions and keeps the audience engaged with its shocking revelations and intense atmosphere.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of aging and loss of control due to 'The Substance' is intriguing and effectively explored in the scene. It adds depth to the narrative and enhances the themes of guilt and consequences.

Plot: 9

The plot progresses significantly in this scene as Elisabeth faces the horrifying consequences of her actions with 'The Substance.' It adds a new layer of complexity to the story and raises the stakes for the characters.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh and unsettling situation with the aging and infection elements, adding a unique twist to the typical suspenseful setting. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue enhances the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters, especially Elisabeth and Sue, are well-developed in this scene, showcasing their fears, vulnerabilities, and inner conflicts. Their reactions to the events add depth to their personalities and drive the emotional impact of the scene.

Character Changes: 9

Elisabeth undergoes a significant change in this scene as she comes face to face with the consequences of her actions. The horror and shock she experiences lead to a shift in her perspective and emotional state.

Internal Goal: 8

Sue's internal goal in this scene is to hide her fear and guilt while trying to maintain a sense of normalcy. This reflects her deeper need for acceptance and validation, as well as her fear of being exposed or judged.

External Goal: 7

Sue's external goal is to cover the Vogue magazine, which serves as a distraction from the unsettling events happening in the secret room. It reflects her immediate circumstances of trying to maintain a facade of success and glamour.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The level of conflict in the scene is high, as Elisabeth grapples with the horrifying realization of what 'The Substance' has done to her body. The internal and external conflicts drive the narrative forward and intensify the emotional impact.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Sue facing internal and external conflicts that challenge her beliefs and values. The uncertainty of the situation adds to the suspense and keeps the audience engaged.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in the scene as Elisabeth confronts the horrifying reality of her situation and the irreversible effects of 'The Substance.' The emotional and physical consequences raise the stakes for her and the other characters.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward significantly by revealing the dark consequences of 'The Substance' and raising the stakes for the characters. It sets the stage for further developments and adds depth to the narrative.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected aging and infection elements, as well as the sudden phone ringing that adds a sense of urgency and danger. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of what will happen next.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between appearance and reality, as Sue tries to present a glamorous image while dealing with a disturbing and dangerous situation. This challenges her beliefs about the importance of image and the consequences of deception.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9.5

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking fear, disgust, and shock in the audience. The intense moments of horror and realization leave a lasting impression and create a sense of unease and dread.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the characters' emotions and inner turmoil. It adds to the tension and horror of the moment, enhancing the overall atmosphere.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense and suspenseful atmosphere, as well as the compelling character dynamics and conflicts. The escalating tension keeps the audience invested in the unfolding events.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, with moments of quiet reflection contrasting with sudden bursts of action. The rhythm of the scene contributes to its effectiveness in conveying the characters' emotions and motivations.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and easy to follow, with distinct transitions between locations and actions. It adheres to the expected format for a screenplay in this genre.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, leading to a climactic moment with the phone ringing. It follows the expected format for a suspenseful and dramatic scene.


Critique
  • The scene effectively conveys the tension and moral ambiguity surrounding Sue's actions, but it could benefit from deeper exploration of her internal conflict. While her guilt is mentioned, showing more of her emotional struggle through her thoughts or flashbacks could enhance the audience's understanding of her character.
  • The dialogue feels somewhat disconnected from the gravity of the situation. Sue's announcement about the Vogue cover contrasts sharply with the horror of Elisabeth's condition. This juxtaposition could be more impactful if Sue's tone reflected her inner turmoil, perhaps through hesitations or a wavering voice, making her excitement feel more forced and less genuine.
  • The transition from Sue's actions to Elisabeth's scream is effective in creating a jarring emotional shift, but the pacing could be improved. The buildup to Elisabeth's scream feels rushed; adding a moment of silence or a lingering shot on Sue's face before the scream could heighten the tension and make the scream more shocking.
  • The visual imagery of the infected puncture site and the aging effects on Elisabeth is strong, but it could be enhanced by incorporating more sensory details. Describing the smell of infection or the sound of the oozing could create a more visceral experience for the audience.
  • The scene ends abruptly with the ringing phone, which could be seen as a cliffhanger, but it may leave the audience feeling unsatisfied. Consider providing a more definitive emotional or narrative closure to this moment, perhaps by showing Sue's reaction to the scream or the phone call, which could set up the next scene more effectively.
Suggestions
  • Incorporate internal monologue or flashbacks for Sue to illustrate her conflicting emotions about her actions and their consequences, allowing the audience to empathize with her struggle.
  • Adjust Sue's dialogue to reflect her anxiety and guilt more clearly. Consider using fragmented sentences or interruptions to convey her emotional state.
  • Add a moment of stillness or a close-up shot of Sue's face before the scream to build tension and emphasize the horror of the situation.
  • Enhance sensory details in the description of the infected puncture site and Elisabeth's aging to create a more immersive experience for the audience.
  • Consider revising the ending to include Sue's immediate reaction to Elisabeth's scream or the phone call, providing a smoother transition to the next scene.



Scene 44 -  Fractured Time
162 INT. KITCHEN - DAY 162

THE ATROCIOUSLY OLD FOOT WITH ITS HARDENED YELLOWED NAILS
paces back and forth.

Bri-ing Bri-iiing
On top of the table is the Vogue issue with SUE, ALL SMILES
ON THE COVER:

THE RISING STAR

Bri-ing Bri-iiing
Yes?

Elisabeth, ready to burst, stuttering in her haste:

ELISABETH
SH-SHE D-DID IT AGAIN!!!!


THE SUBSTANCE - May 3rd 2022 - 101 -
...sc 162


She winces from the violent pain shooting up her back.

ELISABETH (CONT’D)
The...the...GROWTH... - cause if
I’m the matrix what came out of me
can only be called the GROWTH! THE
GROWTH didn’t respect the balance.
AGAIN. SHE’S STEALING MORE AND MORE
TIME FROM ME completely
disregarding the consequences. She
is irresponsible! She is totally
short sighted! Sh-SHHA-SHHA...

She angrily throws the magazine.

ELISABETH (CONT’D)
...SHHHHALLOW AND SUPERFICIAL!!!!!

A beat.

If you don’t want extra time you simply have to stop taking
it.

Elisabeth makes a dreadful grimace, closing her eyes,
struggling against her impulse to implode.

ALL DECISIONS ARE YOUR DECISIONS. You’re simply making them
from different sides of yourself.

Everything is getting all too Kafkaesque...

Would you like to stop?

Elisabeth is taken aback.

ELISABETH (CONT’D)
...Stop?

You are the Matrix. Your other side depends on you to survive
but you don’t. If you are not satisfied, you can put an end
to the experience whenever you want, and go back to being
just you on your own.

A moment of silence. Then again, like a mantra:

Would you like to stop? To go back to being just you on your
own?

Elisabeth seems lost...wrapping her bathrobe tighter around
herself.

ELISABETH (CONT’D)
Will...will everything return to
what it was before? I mean... as I
was before?

We feel all of her vulnerability as she waits for the answer.



THE SUBSTANCE - May 3rd 2022 - 102 -
...sc 162


The line crackles.

What has been transferred won’t come back.

We have made that clear already.

But you can stop the experience as of now.

A beat.

Would you like to stop? To go back to being just you on your
own?

Her eyes fall upon her horrifically aged leg... then look
beneath her bathrobe, towards what we imagine must be left of
her breasts...

ELISABETH (CONT’D)
NO!...no no no...I don’t want to
stop...
(she pulls the fabric of
her bathrobe tighter
around her body)
I can’t stop... I can’t stay LIKE
THIS... SHE has to- (She gives
herself a SMACK!)...“I” have to-
(SMACK! Another slap!) THE BALANCE
HAS TO BE RESPECTED!!

A long beat. The line crackles.

So respect it.

A beat.

We see her back droop.

Let us know if you need anything else. We will be happy to
answer any of your requests. We are at your disposal.

The line goes dead.

Elisabeth remains slumped over the table.

We can see her stooped back shaken by little hiccups as she
starts sobbing.

THEN: When you’re smiling, when you’re smiling...

It’s Sue’s telephone, the Louis Prima ring tone a glaring
reminder of how tragic things have become.

...the whole woooooorld smiles with y-

Her twisted finger pushes a button to send the call direct to
voice mail.




THE SUBSTANCE - May 3rd 2022 - 103 -
...sc 162


She stands with difficulty and starts walking away...
ping!... she stops... a beat... she turns around and sees the
voice mail notification. She hesitates... and can’t stop
herself from going back to listen to it.

ALAN (V.O.)
SUE!! Holy fuck?! Are you sitting
down? Please go sit!

She lets herself fall back down into the chair like a sack of
potatoes.

ALAN (V.O.)
Are you ready to hear this? Ok this
is huge. TOM GRANT wants you in his
next movie! YES, YOU HEARD ME
RIGHT. TOM FUCKING GRANT. He saw
you on the Vogue cover this morning
and he’s DYING to meet you. CALL ME
AS SOON AS YOU GET BACK.

A beat.

And then suddenly she gives herself an enormous slap: SMACK!

ELISABETH
STOP IT!

SLAP! Another.

ELISABETH (CONT’D)
YOU HAVE TO STOP IT!

SLAP!

SMACK!

SLAP!

SHE HITS HER HEAD REPEATEDLY WITH HER FISTS AS THOUGH THAT
WOULD MAKE THE MESSAGE ENTER HER BRAIN ONCE AND FOR ALL.

ELISABETH (CONT’D)
STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT...

The small note “it changed my life,” hanging on the wall...

BLACK

FADE IN:
Genres: ["Drama","Psychological Thriller"]

Summary In a tense kitchen scene, Elisabeth grapples with the torment of 'the Growth,' which is stealing her time and causing her pain. Despite being reminded of her power to revert to her former self, she is torn between her current state and the consequences of change. The emotional turmoil escalates when she receives a voicemail from Alan, revealing that Sue has been offered a role by Tom Grant, triggering Elisabeth's frantic self-inflicted slaps as she struggles to process the news and her deteriorating identity.
Strengths
  • Intense emotional impact
  • Strong character development
  • Unique concept of the Matrix and balance
  • Compelling exploration of inner conflict
Weaknesses
  • Potential for confusion due to complex themes and concepts

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9.2

The scene is highly impactful due to its intense emotional content, exploration of inner conflict, and the unique concept of the Matrix and balance. The execution is strong, with powerful character development and a gripping narrative.


Story Content

Concept: 9.5

The concept of the Matrix and balance adds a unique and thought-provoking layer to the scene, exploring themes of self-identity and inner conflict in a compelling way.

Plot: 9

The plot of the scene is engaging and moves the story forward, delving into the protagonist's emotional journey and inner struggles.

Originality: 9

The scene is original in its exploration of identity, guilt, and responsibility. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and add depth to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 9.3

The characters are well-developed, with complex emotions and motivations driving their actions. The protagonist's vulnerability and desperation are particularly compelling.

Character Changes: 9

The protagonist undergoes significant emotional changes in the scene, grappling with her sense of self and the consequences of her actions.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to come to terms with her own identity and the consequences of her actions. She is struggling with guilt, responsibility, and the need for balance in her life.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to deal with the repercussions of her actions and make a decision about her future. She is faced with a tempting opportunity but must confront her inner demons.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8.5

The scene has a high level of internal conflict, with the protagonist struggling with her sense of self and the consequences of her choices.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist facing internal and external challenges that push her to make difficult choices.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in the scene, as the protagonist faces a critical moment of decision that will impact her sense of self and the balance of her existence.

Story Forward: 9

The scene effectively moves the story forward by delving into the protagonist's emotional journey and inner struggles, setting up future developments.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the protagonist's internal struggle and the unexpected turn of events.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the themes of responsibility, identity, and self-acceptance. The protagonist is forced to confront her own shortcomings and make a difficult choice.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9.5

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking feelings of desperation, anguish, and fear in the audience through the intense portrayal of the characters' inner turmoil.

Dialogue: 8.8

The dialogue effectively conveys the characters' emotions and inner turmoil, adding depth to the scene and driving the narrative forward.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense emotional conflict, relatable themes, and suspenseful dialogue.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and emotional stakes, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the protagonist's journey.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and easy to follow, with distinct character actions and dialogue.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows a logical progression, building tension and emotional stakes effectively.


Critique
  • The scene effectively conveys Elisabeth's emotional turmoil and desperation, particularly through her physical pain and the dialogue that reflects her internal conflict. However, the pacing feels uneven at times, especially with the rapid shifts between her anger and vulnerability. This could be smoothed out to enhance the emotional impact.
  • The use of the phone call from Alan serves as a pivotal moment, introducing a significant opportunity for Sue while simultaneously deepening Elisabeth's despair. However, the transition from her anger to the voicemail feels abrupt. A more gradual build-up to this moment could heighten the tension and make the voicemail's content feel more impactful.
  • The dialogue is strong in conveying Elisabeth's frustration and confusion, but some lines could be tightened for clarity. For instance, phrases like 'the GROWTH didn’t respect the balance' could be rephrased to be more concise, allowing the audience to grasp her plight without losing the emotional weight.
  • The physicality of Elisabeth's actions, such as the slapping and hitting her head, is a powerful visual representation of her mental state. However, it may come off as overly dramatic if not balanced with quieter moments of reflection. Consider interspersing her physical outbursts with moments of stillness to create a more dynamic emotional landscape.
  • The Kafkaesque reference is intriguing but may require further context for the audience to fully appreciate its significance. A brief elaboration on what this means for Elisabeth's situation could enhance the thematic depth of the scene.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment of silence or stillness after Elisabeth's outburst before the voicemail plays. This could create a more dramatic contrast and allow the audience to absorb her emotional state.
  • Tighten the dialogue by removing any redundant phrases or words that do not add to Elisabeth's emotional arc. This will help maintain the scene's intensity and keep the audience engaged.
  • Introduce a visual motif that symbolizes Elisabeth's struggle with her identity and the consequences of her choices. This could be a recurring object or image that appears throughout the scene to reinforce her internal conflict.
  • Explore the use of sound design to enhance the emotional weight of the scene. For example, the ringing phone could be layered with a heartbeat sound to emphasize Elisabeth's anxiety and desperation.
  • Consider providing a brief flashback or memory that illustrates Elisabeth's past before the transformation, which could deepen the audience's understanding of her current state and the stakes involved in her decision-making.



Scene 45 -  A Taste of Memory
163 INT. LIVING ROOM - EVENING 163

The silent apartment plunged in darkness.

IN THE LIVING ROOM we see Elisabeth from behind huddled up in
the big armchair.


THE SUBSTANCE - May 3rd 2022 - 104 -
...sc 163


The TV is on, but she isn’t even watching.

She sits silently for a long while, staring into space.

Then something changes in her expression... as though she has
seen something that caught her attention in the bookcase
facing her.

She tries to get up but her aged leg won’t straighten... she
is stuck in the big armchair.

A beat. She looks at her severely deformed knee.

Stiff and swollen with arthritis.

She remains in place, staring... tries again to unbend her
leg... we see the intense effort this requires... but her
knee, ravaged by arthritis is blocked in a bent position.

Elisabeth’s expression is increasingly harsh as she focuses
on trying to unbend her knee...

She grabs her leg with both hands, trying to force it
straight...but it won’t budge...

She pushes harder, harder... She grits her teeth... her
expression betrays increasing agony as she relentlessly tries
to force the knee to unbend...

CRAAAACK - Her kneecap dislocates finally unbending AAAAHHHHH-
a scream of victory and pain.

She does as best she can to push her deformed body to get up -
her dowager’s hump is larger and painful, and there’s a stain
made by the oozing pus on her bathrobe in the area of the
puncture site.

She limps all the way to the bookcase, leaning on the shelves
to catch her breath, as though she had just run a marathon.

Then her arthritic hand grabs something forgotten that is
stuck between two books: Harvey’s departure gift.

She looks at it. Harvey’s chubby smiling face appears
superimposed on the wrapping paper.

HARVEY
To keep you busy. It’s French. My
wife swears by it!

The gnarled fingers tear off the wrapping paper revealing a
thick book of recipes:

FRENCH CUISINE from A to Z

26 recipes from the greatest French chefs!




THE SUBSTANCE - May 3rd 2022 - 105 -
...sc 163


On the cover is a very hefty looking CHEF WITH RED CHEEKS and
a great big smile.

She has to get very, very close to the page to see it as her
vision has gotten much worse. She leafs through the pages of
recipes accompanied by full-size pictures of the dishes:

AUBRAC ALIGOT

BRISSAC BLOOD SAUSAGE WITH APPLES

CAEN STYLE TRIPES

CHRISTMAS BRESSE POULTRY STUFFED WITH FOIE GRAS

FADE IN:

164 INT. LIVING ROOM / TALK SHOW STUDIO - NIGHT 164

Dazzling white. As the camera pulls back, the white very
slowly becomes large white squares... pulling back further,
the white squares form a big toothy smile... we pull back
even more to reveal that the smile is Sue’s pearly-white
smile on a pixelated TV screen facing a zestful TV HOST:

TV HOST
...that’s right!...You popped up on
our screens out of nowhere like a
tornado. I think no one was really
prepared for this whirlwind...

SPLOTCH SPLOTCH SPLOTCH SPLOTCH
Genres: ["Drama","Psychological Thriller"]

Summary In a dimly lit living room, Elisabeth battles her arthritis to retrieve a forgotten cookbook from the bookcase, a gift from Harvey. Despite the pain of unbending her stiff knee, she perseveres, driven by nostalgia and the memory of Harvey's encouragement. As she flips through the vibrant recipes, she finds a bittersweet connection to her past, blending struggle with resilience.
Strengths
  • Intense emotional impact
  • Compelling portrayal of physical and emotional struggles
  • Strong character development
Weaknesses
  • Minimal dialogue may limit character interaction and depth

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene is well-crafted in terms of showcasing the physical and emotional pain of the character, creating a sense of unease and discomfort for the audience.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of showcasing the character's physical deterioration and emotional turmoil is compelling and well-executed, adding depth to the narrative.

Plot: 8

The plot progression in the scene focuses on the character's internal struggles and physical challenges, driving the emotional intensity of the narrative.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a unique blend of physical struggle, cultural elements, and personal growth, offering a fresh perspective on aging and resilience.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The character's development is central to the scene, with a strong focus on the main character's pain and inner turmoil, creating a compelling portrayal.

Character Changes: 8

The main character undergoes a significant physical and emotional transformation in the scene, highlighting her struggles and pain.

Internal Goal: 8

Elisabeth's internal goal in this scene is to overcome the physical limitations imposed by her arthritis and reclaim a sense of agency and independence.

External Goal: 7

Elisabeth's external goal is to explore the French cuisine book gifted to her by Harvey, symbolizing a potential new interest or hobby to engage with.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The internal conflict and physical struggles of the character create a high level of tension and discomfort for the audience.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, as Elisabeth faces physical challenges that she must overcome to achieve her goals.

High Stakes: 8

The high stakes are evident in the character's physical deterioration and emotional turmoil, adding urgency and tension to the scene.

Story Forward: 7

The scene provides insight into the character's internal struggles and sets the stage for further development in the narrative.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected twist of Elisabeth's knee dislocating, adding a sense of tension and surprise.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around Elisabeth's struggle with physical limitations and the desire to find joy and purpose despite her health challenges.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes a strong emotional response from the audience, eliciting feelings of empathy and unease.

Dialogue: 7

Dialogue is minimal but impactful, conveying the character's agony and despair effectively.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the intense emotional struggle and the protagonist's determination to overcome physical limitations.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and highlights the protagonist's physical struggle and emotional journey.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene effectively conveys the physical and emotional challenges faced by the protagonist.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure, focusing on Elisabeth's physical struggle and emotional journey.


Critique
  • The scene effectively conveys Elisabeth's physical and emotional struggles, using her deteriorating body as a metaphor for her mental state. The detailed description of her efforts to unbend her knee and the subsequent pain she experiences adds a visceral quality that engages the audience's empathy.
  • The contrast between the darkness of the apartment and the bright, cheerful cookbook serves as a poignant symbol of Elisabeth's lost vitality and the stark reality of her current life. This visual juxtaposition could be further emphasized to enhance the thematic depth.
  • The dialogue from Harvey, while brief, is impactful and serves to remind the audience of her past connections and the weight of her current isolation. However, the transition from her internal struggle to the external world of Sue could be more fluid to maintain narrative cohesion.
  • The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension, particularly during Elisabeth's struggle with her knee. However, the transition to the next scene feels abrupt. A more gradual shift could enhance the emotional impact and allow the audience to linger on Elisabeth's moment of victory and pain.
  • The use of sensory details, such as the description of the cookbook and the images of the dishes, adds richness to the scene. However, it might benefit from a deeper exploration of Elisabeth's memories or feelings associated with cooking, which could further develop her character and backstory.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief internal monologue or flashback that reflects Elisabeth's past experiences with cooking or her relationship with Harvey, which could deepen the emotional resonance of her discovery of the cookbook.
  • Enhance the transition to the next scene by incorporating a moment of reflection for Elisabeth after she finds the cookbook, allowing her to process her feelings before the shift to Sue's vibrant world.
  • Explore the sensory aspects of the cookbook further—perhaps Elisabeth recalls the smells or tastes of the dishes, which could evoke nostalgia and contrast sharply with her current state.
  • To heighten the tension, consider incorporating sound elements, such as the TV playing in the background, to create a more immersive atmosphere that contrasts with Elisabeth's silence and isolation.
  • Ensure that the visual elements, such as the cookbook and the images of the dishes, are described in a way that emphasizes their significance to Elisabeth's character arc, reinforcing the theme of lost potential and the longing for a past life.



Scene 46 -  Kitchen Chaos: A Recipe for Rage
165 INT. KITCHEN - NIGHT 165

CHEESE BUBBLING IN A SAUCEPAN

Elisabeth’s DECREPIT FOOT shuffling back and forth across the
kitchen floor.

TV HOST
It all started with the morning
show... rumor has it that you are
up for Tom Grant’s next movie...
and ...just a minute... I’m just
being told that you have been
chosen to host the NEW YEAR’S EVE
SHOW!! Can you confirm this?

SUE
Yes that’s right.

The audience applauds.




THE SUBSTANCE - May 3rd 2022 - 106 -
...sc 165


ELISABETH’S VOICE (O.S.)
(mimicking Sue’s nasal
voice)
“Yes that’s right”

EXTREME CLOSE UP on the thick, greasy melted cheese that is
slowly poured onto a plate like molten lava...

Elisabeth is pouring the aligot to look exactly like the
photo in the recipe book.

She is in the kitchen surrounded by piles of dirty dishes,
the cook book open on the stained and greasy counter, as she
navigates between different recipes that she is cooking at
the same time.

TV HOST
WOW WOW WOW THIS IS BIG NEWS! I
can’t wait to find out what you are
cooking up for us!

ELISABETH TURNS A PAGE SHLACK!

BRISSAC BLOOD SAUSAGE WITH APPLES

(he encourages the audience to applaud. Sue laughs,
flattered)

Elisabeth leans over the book getting as close as possible to
read the recipe.

TV HOST (CONT’D)
So tell us a little about yourself.
Where are you from? How did you get
discovered?! I want - WE want to
know EVERYTHING!!

HISSSSSSS TWO BLOOD SAUSAGES LAND IN A SAUTE PAN making the
hot oil jump and sizzle.

SUE
(playing demurely with the
audience)
Oh, there’s not very much to tell,
really... I’m just a girl from a
very small town in... Indiana.

As the oil gets hotter it pops and splatters in the pan.

Elisabeth wipes her brow on her forearm.

SUE (CONT’D)
I’m sure you’ve never heard of
it... in fact, it’s not even a
town... I’m not really sure you
could even call it a village... A
farm perhaps? (She laughs with the
public).


THE SUBSTANCE - May 3rd 2022 - 107 -
...sc 165


Elisabeth mocks Sue’s shrill laugh while she deglazes the pan
in a CLOUD OF SMOKE HISSSSSSSS

SUE (CONT’D)
...But for as long as I can
remember, it has always been my
dream to be on screen...

ELISABETH
MY dream!
SUE
...as a child I used to put on
shows for my family...

THE GNARLED FINGERS TURN A NEW PAGE SHLACK!

CHRISTMAS BRESSE POULTRY STUFFED WITH FOIE GRAS

Elisabeth opens the refrigerator door and grabs a large
uncooked turkey.

INSERT - the GNARLED FINGER follows across each line of
directions in the cook book: eviscerate the turkey.

TV HOST
How sweet... So everyone is aware
that you replaced Elisabeth Sparkle
and no doubt about it you stepped
in, turned up the volume and ROCKED
THEIR WORLD! (the audience cheers)
Were you a fan of her show?

Elisabeth puts the chicken on the table and pauses - she’s
attentively listening to Sue’s answer.

SUE
Well, I can’t really say I actually
watched her show because... well
you do know that we’re not exactly
the same generation... (everybody
laughs)

Utter disbelief on Elisabeth’s face. HER FINGERS TENSE AND
FREEZE ON THE TURKEY SKIN.

SUE (CONT’D)
...And you have to admit that it
was a bit old fashioned - Jurassic
Fitness really - it needed a
change...

ELISABETH VIOLENTLY SHOVES HER HAND INSIDE THE TURKEY’S
INNARDS IN RETALIATION.

ELISABETH
“Jurassic fitness”...


THE SUBSTANCE - May 3rd 2022 - 108 -
...sc 165


She pokes around the turkey’s cavity...

ELISABETH (CONT’D)
I’ll fucking show you Jurassic
fitness.

Pushing and pulling, poking and thrusting, she finally pulls
out the giblets - SPLOTCH!

SUE
...But my mother was a huge fan of
hers. Every morning, rain or shine,
“Sparkle your life” was on TV.

She breaks a series of eggs on the rim of a big glass bowl.
They land at the bottom : all of these egg yolks side by side
as though they had multiplied themselves... making for a
strange reminiscence...

SUE (CONT’D)
So in a way I grew up with her -
whether I liked it or not!
(laughter from the audience)
I guess that’s why I can say we
have some sort of connection.

ELISABETH
“Some sort of connection?!”

ZZZZZZZZ She grabs the electric beater as though it were a
chain saw.

ELISABETH (CONT’D)
Without ME YOU DON’T EVEN EXIST!!!

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZ Elisabeth savagely destroys the egg yolks
which splatter her bathrobe.

TV HOST
Goodness yes, and WHAT A CHANGE!

Elisabeth shuts off the beater and catches her breath.

TV HOST (CONT’D)
...And now for our final question,
the one we ask each and every one
of our guests...Would you share one
of your little beauty secrets with
us?

All of a sudden, Elisabeth darts in a hurried limp over to
the TV, placing herself right in front of it.

TV HOST (CONT’D)
One little trick of yours that
helps you look so incredibly
stunning! I mean just look at you!



THE SUBSTANCE - May 3rd 2022 - 109 -
...sc 165


ELISABETH FACES THE SCREEN as if the TV Host was speaking
directly to her, in her dirty grease and egg yolk-stained
bathrobe. On the talk show, Sue pauses before answering him:

SUE
Oh... let me think...

Elisabeth points an accusatory finger towards Sue like a
preacher in a trance.

ELISABETH
SAY IT!

TV HOST
(as an aside)
We won’t tell anyone... (laughter
from the audience)

ELISABETH
SAY IT!!
(facing the tv, opening
her arms in a wide
exaggerated gesture,
waddling back and forth)
Go ahead, show them your little
secret!

We see Elisabeth’s face grow increasingly somber as she
listens...

SUE
I guess it’s that I just try... to
be myself... to be sincere and
grateful for all that I have and to
alway-

SPLAT! AN EGG HAS JUST BEEN THROWN AT THE SCREEN.

SPLAT! AND NOW A TOMATO!

THE VISCOUS YELLOW YOKE AND BLOOD RED PULP DRIP DOWN OVER
SUE’S PEARLY WHITES.

Elisabeth is looking at the billboard outside, she grabs a
newspaper, takes out a page and BAM! She slaps the paper on
the window, right over its wide-smile of a mouth.
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller","Psychological"]

Summary In a cluttered kitchen, Elisabeth prepares dishes while watching Sue's talk show interview, where Sue announces her new role as host for the New Year's Eve show. As Sue downplays her connection to Elisabeth, the latter mimics her voice and expresses jealousy, leading to frantic cooking and violent outbursts. The tension escalates as Elisabeth's frustration culminates in her throwing eggs and tomatoes at the TV, symbolizing her anger towards Sue's success.
Strengths
  • Intense emotional portrayal
  • Creative use of cooking as a metaphor
  • Seamless integration of TV show dialogue with cooking activities
Weaknesses
  • Some elements may be too intense for sensitive viewers
  • Limited external conflict

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene is well-structured, intense, and emotionally charged, effectively conveying Elisabeth's complex emotions and inner conflict. The use of cooking as a metaphor adds depth and layers to the narrative.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of using cooking as a metaphor for Elisabeth's resentment and inner conflict is innovative and adds depth to the scene. The integration of the TV show dialogue with cooking activities creates a unique and engaging narrative.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene revolves around Elisabeth's emotional turmoil and resentment towards Sue, which is effectively conveyed through the cooking activities and TV show dialogue. The scene progresses the character's arc and adds layers to the narrative.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a unique setting of a cooking show, blending elements of competition and sabotage in a culinary context. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and add depth to the conflict.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters, especially Elisabeth, are well-developed and their emotions are portrayed convincingly. Elisabeth's complex feelings of anger, jealousy, and defiance are effectively communicated through her actions and reactions.

Character Changes: 8

Elisabeth undergoes a significant emotional change in the scene, as her feelings of resentment and defiance intensify. Her character arc progresses as she confronts her emotions and grapples with her inner turmoil.

Internal Goal: 8

Elisabeth's internal goal is to assert her dominance and superiority over Sue, who has replaced her on a talk show. This reflects Elisabeth's need for validation and recognition in her career.

External Goal: 7

Elisabeth's external goal is to sabotage Sue's appearance on the talk show and humiliate her. This reflects the immediate challenge of dealing with a replacement in her career.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict in the scene is primarily internal, as Elisabeth grapples with her feelings of resentment and jealousy towards Sue. The emotional conflict drives the narrative and adds tension to the scene.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Elisabeth and Sue engaging in a battle of wits and manipulation that keeps the audience guessing.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are high in the scene as Elisabeth's emotions reach a boiling point, leading to a confrontation with Sue. The outcome of this emotional conflict could have significant repercussions for the characters involved.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by delving into Elisabeth's emotional state and her complex relationship with Sue. It adds depth to the narrative and progresses the character's arc, setting the stage for future developments.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the characters' unexpected actions and the escalating tension between them.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between authenticity and manipulation. Sue emphasizes the importance of being sincere and grateful, while Elisabeth resorts to sabotage and aggression to maintain her position.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, as Elisabeth's intense emotions and inner turmoil are palpable throughout. The audience is drawn into her emotional journey and feels the weight of her resentment and defiance.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue in the scene is intense and emotionally charged, reflecting the inner turmoil of the characters. The interactions between Elisabeth and the TV show host, as well as her internal monologue, add depth to the narrative.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense conflict, dramatic dialogue, and unexpected twists that keep the audience on edge.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene builds tension effectively, with a gradual escalation of conflict leading to a climactic moment of confrontation.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and easy to follow, with distinct actions and dialogue separated for clarity.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with a buildup of tension and conflict, leading to a climactic moment of confrontation between the characters.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures Elisabeth's emotional turmoil and jealousy towards Sue, showcasing her internal conflict through her actions in the kitchen. The juxtaposition of cooking with the talk show creates a strong visual metaphor for Elisabeth's struggle with her identity and her feelings of being replaced.
  • The dialogue is sharp and reflects the tension between Elisabeth and Sue, particularly in Elisabeth's mocking of Sue's voice and her violent actions with the turkey. This adds a layer of dark humor to the scene, which is effective in highlighting Elisabeth's desperation.
  • The use of sound and visual imagery, such as the bubbling cheese and the splattering eggs, enhances the chaotic atmosphere of the scene. However, the transition between the cooking and the talk show could be more fluid to maintain the pacing and keep the audience engaged.
  • Elisabeth's physical actions, such as violently shoving her hand inside the turkey, are visceral and impactful, but they could benefit from more internal reflection or dialogue to deepen the audience's understanding of her emotional state. This would create a stronger connection between her actions and her feelings.
  • The climax of the scene, where Elisabeth throws eggs and tomatoes at the TV, is a powerful moment that symbolizes her rage and frustration. However, it might be more impactful if it were built up with more tension leading to this moment, perhaps through a more gradual escalation of her emotions.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more internal monologue or dialogue from Elisabeth to provide insight into her thoughts and feelings as she cooks and watches Sue. This could help the audience empathize with her struggle.
  • Enhance the transitions between the cooking and the talk show segments to create a smoother flow. This could involve using sound bridges or visual cues that connect the two actions more seamlessly.
  • Explore the possibility of incorporating more sensory details in the cooking process to heighten the contrast between the mundane act of cooking and the emotional chaos Elisabeth is experiencing.
  • Build up the tension leading to the climax of throwing the eggs and tomatoes by showing Elisabeth's frustration gradually escalating, perhaps through her reactions to Sue's comments or the audience's applause.
  • Consider using a more varied range of camera angles and shots to emphasize the chaos in the kitchen and Elisabeth's emotional state, such as close-ups of her face during moments of anger or despair.



Scene 47 -  Reflections of Despair
166 INT. HALLWAY /BATHROOM - NIGHT 166

THE LONG DARK HALLWAY at the end of which we see the
bathroom. Elisabeth, wearing Sue’s silk bathrobe, paces back
and forth in front of the mirror, making faces and mocking
Sue’s nasal voice and affected mannerisms. She simpers and
gestures in an increasingly grotesque caricature:




THE SUBSTANCE - May 3rd 2022 - 110 -
...sc 166


ELISABETH
“I just try to be myseeeeelf... to
be sinceeeere and graaatefuuuuul
for all that I haaaaave...”

Facing the mirror, pointing her crooked fingers at her
reflection.

ELISABETH (CONT’D)
YOU’RE TAKING IT FROM ME!! That’s
your secret!! YOU’RE TAKING IT ALL
FROM ME!!

SMACK! She gives herself a massive slap.

ELISABETH (CONT’D)
STOP IT!

SMACK! Another

ELISABETH (CONT’D)
STOP IT!

She pummels her head with her fists, growing increasingly
violent.

ELISABETH (CONT’D)
YOU HAVE TO STOP IT!!!

CUT TO:

167 INT. SHOWER - NIGHT 167

HISSSSSSSSSSSSS - Elisabeth is hunched up in a fetal
position on the shower floor. THE STREAM OF WATER IS LIKE A
MACHINE GUN pelting her deformed back. Her vertebrae are
increasingly prominent, like a dinosaur.

ELISABETH
(pleading, in a whisper,
over and over again)
Stop it stop it stop it you have
to...

CUT TO:

168 INT. LIVING ROOM - DAY 168

SUE (O.S.)
(HOWLING)
...CONTROOOOOL YOURSELF!!!
SUE’s harrowing howl which echoes all the way to the over-
sized living room that we now discover in daylight.



THE SUBSTANCE - May 3rd 2022 - 111 -
...sc 168


The picture window has been covered with newspapers to hide
the billboard outside.

So has the television.

Leftovers and poultry carcasses are everywhere, the walls are
smeared with grease and sauces, dirty dishes overflowing in
the sink... melted cheese on the floor...

A savage wreckage.

We see Sue, busy, nervously making her way through the
different rooms, muttering to herself.

SUE (CONT’D)
I can’t go back inside her...
Genres: ["Psychological Thriller","Horror"]

Summary In a dark hallway, Elisabeth, clad in Sue's silk bathrobe, paces and grotesquely mimics Sue, revealing her inner turmoil and self-loathing. As she becomes increasingly agitated, she resorts to self-harm, pleading for relief. The scene shifts to her curled up in the shower, overwhelmed and whispering 'stop it.' Meanwhile, Sue is seen in the chaotic living room, expressing her distress over being unable to reach Elisabeth, highlighting the ongoing conflict and emotional chaos between them.
Strengths
  • Intense emotional impact
  • Effective portrayal of inner turmoil
  • Compelling character development
Weaknesses
  • Potential for audience discomfort due to disturbing imagery and themes

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9.2

The scene is highly impactful, effectively conveying Elisabeth's deteriorating mental state and the intense emotions she is experiencing. The disturbing imagery and frantic actions create a sense of unease and tension, keeping the audience engaged throughout.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of exploring Elisabeth's psychological unraveling and obsession with Sue is compelling and well-executed. The scene effectively delves into themes of identity, control, and inner demons.

Plot: 9

The plot of the scene revolves around Elisabeth's internal struggle and self-destructive behavior, driving the narrative forward and deepening the character development. It adds layers to the overall story and sets up future conflicts.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh approach to exploring themes of self-acceptance and emotional turmoil through intense character interactions and vivid imagery. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

Elisabeth's character is well-developed in this scene, showcasing her descent into madness and obsession. Her actions and dialogue reveal her inner turmoil and desperation, adding complexity to her character.

Character Changes: 9

Elisabeth undergoes significant character changes in this scene, transitioning from a state of frustration and anger to desperation and madness. Her actions and dialogue reflect her deteriorating mental state and obsession with Sue.

Internal Goal: 8

Elisabeth's internal goal in this scene is to confront her own inner turmoil and feelings of inadequacy. Her actions and dialogue reflect her deeper fears and desires for self-acceptance and control over her emotions.

External Goal: 7

Elisabeth's external goal in this scene is to regain control over her emotions and confront the source of her distress. This reflects the immediate challenge she is facing in dealing with her inner demons and past traumas.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is internal, as Elisabeth battles with her inner demons and struggles to maintain control. The escalating tension and self-destructive behavior heighten the conflict, creating a sense of urgency and unease.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Elisabeth facing internal and external challenges that test her emotional resilience and self-acceptance. The audience is left uncertain of how she will overcome these obstacles.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in the scene as Elisabeth's mental health deteriorates and her obsession with Sue intensifies. The consequences of her self-destructive behavior and escalating emotions raise the stakes, adding urgency to the narrative.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by deepening Elisabeth's character development and setting up future conflicts. It adds layers to the narrative and builds tension, driving the plot towards a climactic resolution.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the characters' erratic behavior and intense emotional outbursts, keeping the audience on edge and unsure of how the situation will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the struggle between authenticity and self-deception. Elisabeth's mocking of Sue's affected mannerisms and her own plea for self-acceptance highlight the tension between being true to oneself and conforming to societal expectations.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9.5

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking fear, anger, and desperation in the audience. Elisabeth's descent into madness and self-destructive behavior elicits a strong emotional response, drawing viewers into her dark world.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys Elisabeth's inner thoughts and emotions, adding depth to her character. The self-destructive dialogue and inner monologue enhance the scene's intensity.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense emotional drama, vivid imagery, and raw dialogue that delves into the characters' inner struggles. The tension and psychological depth keep the audience captivated.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively conveys the characters' emotional turmoil and inner conflicts through a series of intense and dramatic moments. The rhythm of the scene adds to its effectiveness.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, effectively conveying the emotional intensity and psychological depth of the characters' interactions.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene effectively conveys the characters' emotional turmoil and inner conflicts through a series of intense and dramatic moments. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the scene's effectiveness.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures Elisabeth's emotional turmoil and descent into madness, using physicality and dialogue to convey her inner conflict. However, the pacing feels rushed, particularly in the transition from her mocking Sue to her violent self-harm. This could benefit from a more gradual build-up to heighten the tension and emotional impact.
  • The dialogue is strong in its mimicry of Sue, but it risks becoming repetitive with the repeated 'stop it' lines. While this repetition emphasizes her desperation, it may also dilute the impact. Consider varying the phrasing or adding more internal monologue to deepen her emotional state.
  • The visual imagery is striking, particularly the description of Elisabeth in the shower, but it could be enhanced by incorporating more sensory details. For instance, describing the temperature of the water or the sound of it hitting her skin could create a more immersive experience for the audience.
  • The transition between the hallway and the shower is abrupt. While it serves to illustrate Elisabeth's mental state, a smoother transition could help maintain the flow of the scene. Perhaps a moment of reflection or a brief pause before she enters the shower could add depth.
  • The introduction of Sue's voiceover at the end feels somewhat disconnected from Elisabeth's immediate emotional crisis. While it serves to contrast their experiences, it might be more effective if it directly relates to Elisabeth's current state, perhaps echoing her own fears or insecurities.
Suggestions
  • Consider extending the pacing of Elisabeth's breakdown to allow the audience to fully absorb her emotional state before she escalates to violence. This could involve more internal dialogue or physical gestures that reflect her frustration.
  • Introduce more varied dialogue during Elisabeth's self-mocking to keep the audience engaged. This could include her reflecting on specific moments of jealousy or insecurity related to Sue, making her emotional turmoil more relatable.
  • Enhance the sensory details in the shower scene to create a more visceral experience. Describe how the water feels against her skin, the sound of it hitting the tiles, or the steam rising around her to evoke a stronger emotional response.
  • Create a more seamless transition between the hallway and the shower by incorporating a moment of hesitation or reflection from Elisabeth before she steps into the water, emphasizing her internal struggle.
  • Reframe Sue's voiceover to directly connect with Elisabeth's emotional state, perhaps by having it echo her own thoughts or fears, thereby reinforcing the theme of their intertwined identities.



Scene 48 -  The Secret Room
169 INT. SECRET ROOM - DAY 169

POV FROM INSIDE THE SECRET ROOM - Sue’s feet going back and
forth, carrying a variety of containers, glass jars and empty
bottles that she gathers in the room.

SUE (O.S.)
I just can’t...

She looks at Elisabeth’s decrepit body stranded on the floor
in her silk dressing gown.

The delicate silk material on that horribly old and
disgusting leg...

SUE (O.S.) (CONT’D)
She’s GROSS...

She brutally rips the dressing gown off her - Elisabeth’s
head falls back down heavily on the tiled floor: THUD!

SUE (CONT’D)
Fat...

With her foot, she pushes her over onto her side in order to
reveal the inflamed, swollen, pus-oozing puncture wound.

SUE (CONT’D)
Old...

SHE VIOLENTLY RIPS OFF the bandage from her back.

SUE (CONT’D)
Disgusting.

She violently stabs the needle into her back and starts
draining the fluid...

Draining...



THE SUBSTANCE - May 3rd 2022 - 112 -
...sc 169


Draining...

She fills up the glass jars and bottles one after the
other...

The camera pulls back, towards the darkness as if the secret
room was getting bigger, damper and more isolated.

BLACK


A LONG MOMENT OF SILENCE

Then a soft, damp, distorted and cavernous noise that grows
louder.

As though marking the passage of time and decay in the dark
room which seems to have sunk into oblivion...

Then a faint music, slowly growing louder...

FADE IN ON

170 A TV COMMERCIAL FOR THE NEW YEAR’S EVE SHOW (6 MONTHS LATER) 170

Flashy colors and lively voices:

Tomorrow 9PM don’t miss Sue and her crew for an unforgettable
New Year's Eve Show!!

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Drama","Horror"]

Summary In a dark, damp secret room, Sue confronts her revulsion towards Elisabeth's decaying body, which lies in a silk dressing gown. As she violently removes the gown, she reveals an inflamed wound and begins to drain the fluid, filling jars and bottles with the grotesque substance. The atmosphere grows increasingly unsettling, highlighting Sue's internal conflict and desperation as she mutters insults at Elisabeth. The scene culminates in silence, followed by distorted sounds and music, leading to a transition six months later.
Strengths
  • Effective portrayal of decay and extraction
  • Strong emotional impact
  • Compelling theme exploration
Weaknesses
  • Graphic and disturbing content may be unsettling for some viewers

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively creates a disturbing and intense atmosphere, eliciting strong emotions from the audience. The portrayal of decay and extraction is executed with precision, leaving a lasting impact.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of decay and extraction is unique and compelling, delving into themes of deterioration and revulsion. The scene effectively explores these concepts through the actions of the characters and the atmosphere created.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene focuses on the disturbing act of draining fluid from a deteriorating body, adding depth to the narrative and character development. It contributes to the overall dark and intense tone of the story.

Originality: 9

The scene is highly original in its depiction of gruesome actions and moral dilemmas. The authenticity of the characters' dialogue and actions adds to the uniqueness of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters in the scene, particularly Sue and Elisabeth, play crucial roles in conveying the themes of decay and extraction. Their actions and reactions add layers to the narrative and enhance the emotional impact.

Character Changes: 8

Sue undergoes a significant internal change in the scene, grappling with her revulsion towards Elisabeth's deteriorating body and the disturbing act of extraction. This experience shapes her character and adds depth to her arc.

Internal Goal: 8

Sue's internal goal in this scene is to assert power and control over the situation. This reflects her deeper need for dominance and possibly a fear of vulnerability or weakness.

External Goal: 7

Sue's external goal is to extract fluid from the body and fill up glass jars and bottles. This reflects the immediate challenge of completing a task that may be illegal or morally questionable.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict in the scene arises from Sue's internal struggle with her feelings towards Elisabeth's deteriorating body and the disturbing act of extraction. It creates tension and unease, driving the narrative forward.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Sue facing internal and external challenges that test her morality and ethics. The audience is left uncertain about the outcome and the consequences of her actions.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in the scene as Sue confronts the disturbing reality of Elisabeth's deteriorating body and the unsettling act of extraction. The outcome of this encounter has significant consequences for the characters and the narrative.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by delving into the darker aspects of the narrative, exploring themes of decay and extraction. It adds depth to the plot and character development, driving the story towards its resolution.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected actions and choices made by the characters. The audience is kept guessing about the outcome and the motivations behind the characters' behavior.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between the value of human life and the pursuit of personal gain. Sue's actions challenge traditional moral values and raise questions about the ethics of her behavior.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking feelings of disgust, fear, and sadness in the audience. The portrayal of decay and extraction elicits strong emotions and leaves a lasting impression.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue in the scene is minimal but impactful, focusing on Sue's internal thoughts and reactions to the disturbing situation. It effectively conveys the emotions and themes of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense and suspenseful atmosphere, as well as the shocking and disturbing actions of the characters. The tension keeps the audience on edge and wanting to know more.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and suspense, with a gradual escalation of events leading to a dramatic climax. The rhythm of the scene enhances its impact and keeps the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and easy to follow, with a good balance of action and dialogue. It adheres to the expected format for a screenplay in this genre.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows a logical progression, building tension and suspense effectively. It adheres to the expected format for a dark and suspenseful genre.


Critique
  • The scene effectively conveys Sue's disgust and detachment from Elisabeth, which heightens the emotional stakes. However, the dialogue is sparse and relies heavily on Sue's internal monologue, which may limit the audience's connection to her character. Expanding on her thoughts or feelings could provide more depth.
  • The physicality of the scene is strong, particularly in the visceral actions of ripping off the dressing gown and stabbing the needle. However, the pacing feels rushed. The scene could benefit from lingering on certain moments to allow the audience to fully absorb the horror of the situation, such as the moment of draining the fluid.
  • The use of sound design is intriguing, with the soft, damp noise and the eventual music crescendo. However, the transition from the intense physicality of the scene to the commercial feels abrupt. A smoother transition could enhance the impact of the juxtaposition between the horror of the secret room and the festive nature of the New Year's Eve show.
  • The imagery of decay and isolation is compelling, but it could be further emphasized through more descriptive language or visual cues. For instance, incorporating details about the room's atmosphere, such as the smell or the state of the jars, could enhance the sense of dread.
  • The scene ends on a note of silence before the commercial, which is effective in creating a stark contrast. However, the abrupt cut to the commercial could feel jarring. A more gradual transition, perhaps with a lingering shot on Sue's face or the filled jars, could create a more cohesive flow.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more internal dialogue or thoughts from Sue to provide insight into her emotional state and motivations. This could help the audience empathize with her despite her actions.
  • Slow down the pacing during key moments, particularly when Sue is draining the fluid. Allow the audience to feel the weight of her actions and the horror of the situation.
  • Enhance the transition to the commercial by incorporating a visual or auditory cue that connects the two scenes, such as a fading sound or a lingering shot on the filled jars before cutting to the bright commercial.
  • Include more sensory details about the secret room to amplify the atmosphere of decay and isolation. Describing the smell, the state of the jars, or the temperature could enhance the scene's impact.
  • Consider ending the scene with a more gradual fade to the commercial, perhaps by focusing on Sue's expression or the filled jars, to create a smoother transition and maintain the emotional weight of the moment.



Scene 49 -  A Dress Rehearsal of Despair
171 INT. NYE FITTING ROOM - DAY 171

The camera pans up A MAGNIFICENT PRINCESS DRESS IN TAFFETA,
chiffon and rhinestones that sparkles gloriously.

Sue is in the fitting room.

Her hair is different, time has passed.

Her agent (Alan) is there, as well as Harvey and the whole
gang of suits. Everyone is bubbling with excitement.

The STYLIST finishes lacing the corset up Sue’s back.

STYLIST
...And there you go...I just have
to take it in a bit here and here,
otherwise we are all set for
tomorrow.

Sue’s emotion is tangible as she sees her reflection in the
mirror.




THE SUBSTANCE - May 3rd 2022 - 113 -
...sc 171


HARVEY
The dress is WONDERFUL!! IT’S
PERFECT! A real princess!

He takes the stylist to the side in the foreground.

HARVEY (CONT’D)
And I was thinking... all the other
dancers could have feathers
sticking out of their asses.

Hesitation on the part of the stylist.

HARVEY (CONT’D)
Well not "literally" in their
asses... You know more like just
above the... rump... like a tail...
you know. It's New Year's Eve!
People want to have fun. They want
joy. Happiness. Feathers are
joyful. They’re fun.

STYLIST
Otherwise I planned on using lemon-
colored short-shorts...

HARVEY
Feathers are more fun.

Discussion over. And Harvey starts to rally the troops.

HARVEY (CONT’D)
Ok everybody out! Everybody needs
to rest up for tomorrow!
(to Sue)
And especially you! You get your
beauty sleep!

172 INT. LIVING ROOM REDECORATED - EVENING 172

We discover the redecorated living room, plunged in darkness.

Everything is clean, zen and organized.

On the table is a magnificent bouquet of blossoming red roses
in a large vase.

On the white note card placed next to it:

BREAK A LEG!

THEY’RE GOING TO LOVE YOU

Sue stands in front of the picture window facing a new
billboard, where she’s wearing her princess dress.




THE SUBSTANCE - May 3rd 2022 - 114 -
...sc 172



NEW YEAR’S EVE SHOW
TOMORROW 9PM

We see the silhouette of A MAN (30) appear from behind in the
frame and wrap his arms around her.

BOYFRIEND
You coming to bed?

SUE
(smiles serenely at him)
Yes, I’ll be right there.

The man leaves.

After a moment, a slight tinnitus starts buzzing in her ears.
Sue glances one last time at the picture window and the
bouquet of roses.

173 INT. CORRIDOR / BATHROOM / SECRET ROOM - NIGHT 173

Then she calmly walks towards the bathroom (we can tell that
this is a well-rehearsed routine), starts taking off her
makeup as she enters the secret room (where we catch sight of
hundreds of shriveled up IV bags and empty vials littering
the floor like a junkie’s den).

After a while she comes out with the syringe in which there
is only a little thick brownish disgusting-looking fluid...
what the fuck?!

With the tinnitus growing increasingly louder, we follow
her...

174 INT. CORRIDOR / LIVING ROOM / KITCHEN - NIGHT 174

...hurrying back down the hallway in the opposite direction,
frantically searching through the drawers in the living room,
and finally finding the USB stick with the telephone number
on it.

She locks herself in the kitchen so no one can hear her
calling.

Bri-ing... Bri-ing...

Tap tap tap... her foot taps nervously on the floor...

Bri-ing... Bri-ing...

Pick up the fucking phone...



THE SUBSTANCE - May 3rd 2022 - 115 -
...sc 174


Bri-ing... Bri-i...

Yes?

SUE
(whispering)
Yes! Oh my god, thanks! This is an
emergency... there is no more
stabilizer fluid!

Silence.

SUE (CONT’D)
Hello?!

Silence

SUE (CONT’D)
(in a screaming whisper)
...IT’S FUCKING 503!

Yes.

Ping... a drop of blood on the kitchen tile.

SUE (CONT’D)
I’m telling you this is urgent!!
There’s no more stabilizer fluid!

The phone line crackles.

It means you’ve reached the end.

A beat.

SUE (CONT’D)
What do you mean...“the end?”

The phone line crackles.

You’ve drained it all out. It’s dry.

A beat.

If you want more, you must let the fluid regenerate.

Ping, ping, ping... the bleeding gets worse.

SUE (CONT’D)
SO JUST TELL ME HOW TO DO IT!!!!
I NEED TO STABILIZE MYSELF RIGHT
NOW!!

You simply have to switch.

A beat. Total. Silence.




THE SUBSTANCE - May 3rd 2022 - 116 -
...sc 174


Sue freezes. As if someone had just asked her to stick her
head in a bucket of shit.

SUE (CONT’D)
Ex-cu-se me?

The switch reboots the fluid secretion process. So you can
continue to enjoy the experience.

SUE (CONT’D)
No no no no, I can’t...
(disgusted)
...“switch”.

Outside, the billboard:

NEW YEAR’S EVE SHOW
TOMORROW 9PM

SUE (CONT’D)
AND ESPECIALLY NOT NOW!!

Ping, ping, ping, the bleeding is even worse, SUE’S POV : THE
IMAGE GROWS DARKER AND HER EYESIGHT BLURS... She tries to
regain her balance, reaching for a chair, but she misses and
falls heavily to the ground.

There is no other option.

She tries to get up on all fours while her vision
increasingly blurs.

SUE (CONT’D)
No no no... PLEASE I JUST NEED ONE
MORE DA-

The line goes dead.

On all fours on the kitchen tile, the piercing tinnitus
drilling through her brain, she no longer has the choice...
she gathers her last strength to get up but everything spins
like a loop-the-loop... and she collapses again a bit further
along in the living room.

She crawls, dragging herself through the hallway...

175 INT. BATHROOM - NIGHT 175

...all the way to the bathroom, using her last bit of
strength to hoist herself up, grabbing onto the sink to try
and reach the switch pipe on the shelf...which she grabs with
the tip of her fingers... and collapses to the ground making
all her beauty products crash to the floor in a loud SMASH!!



THE SUBSTANCE - May 3rd 2022 - 117 -
...sc 176

176 INT. BEDROOM - NIGHT 176

IN THE BEDROOM her boyfriend sits up in bed and puts the
light on.

BOYFRIEND
Sue?

CUT TO:

177 INT. BATHROOM / SECRET ROOM - NIGHT 177

THE EMPTY AND STILL BATHROOM.

The door to the secret room open ajar.

A beat. Nothing moves.

And suddenly

Rahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...a hoarse groan from beyond the grave
echoes out in the secret room.

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller","Mystery"]

Summary In a fitting room, Sue tries on a beautiful princess dress while her agent Alan, Harvey, and a stylist discuss costume ideas for the upcoming New Year's Eve show. Excitement fills the air until the scene shifts to Sue's living room, where she admires a promotional billboard and receives roses. However, her joy turns to panic when she faces a medical emergency due to depleted stabilizer fluid. As she frantically searches for help and learns she must 'switch' to regenerate it, the tension escalates, culminating in her collapsing on the bathroom floor, leaving her fate uncertain.
Strengths
  • Intense emotional impact
  • High stakes
  • Suspenseful atmosphere
Weaknesses
  • Limited dialogue
  • Some elements may be too dark or disturbing for some audiences

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene is well-crafted with a strong sense of tension and urgency. The emotional impact is high, and the stakes are raised significantly. The execution of the scene is engaging and keeps the audience on edge.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of the scene revolves around a critical decision that the main character must make to stabilize herself. The introduction of the mysterious substance and the secret room adds depth to the narrative.

Plot: 8.5

The plot of the scene is intense and gripping, focusing on the character's struggle to find a solution to her dilemma. The progression from preparation for the show to a life-threatening situation adds layers to the story.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh and intense take on the pressures of show business, blending elements of glamour with personal crisis in a way that feels authentic and compelling.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The character of Sue is well-developed, showcasing her desperation and determination. The scene effectively portrays her internal conflict and the difficult choices she must make.

Character Changes: 8

Sue undergoes a significant internal change as she is forced to confront her limits and make a critical decision. The scene highlights her desperation and determination.

Internal Goal: 8

Sue's internal goal in this scene is to maintain her facade of success and beauty while dealing with a personal crisis. This reflects her deeper need for validation, control, and stability in her life.

External Goal: 7

Sue's external goal is to stabilize herself and continue with the show despite running out of necessary fluids. This reflects the immediate challenge she is facing in maintaining her performance and appearance.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is intense and internal, as Sue grapples with the choice she must make to survive. The stakes are high, and the sense of urgency drives the narrative forward.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Sue facing a difficult and life-threatening challenge that adds complexity and depth to the narrative.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes in the scene are extremely high, as Sue's life is in danger and she must make a decision that could have dire consequences. The sense of urgency and desperation heighten the tension.

Story Forward: 9

The scene propels the story forward by placing Sue in a life-threatening situation and forcing her to make a crucial decision. The outcome of this scene will have a significant impact on the narrative.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected turn of events and the protagonist's desperate actions, creating a sense of suspense and uncertainty.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the idea of sacrifice for success. Sue is faced with a choice that challenges her values and beliefs about what she is willing to do to maintain her career and image.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes fear, desperation, and suspense, drawing the audience into Sue's dilemma. The emotional intensity is palpable, especially as Sue faces a life-threatening situation.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue in the scene is minimal but impactful, conveying the urgency and fear that Sue is experiencing. The phone conversation adds tension and raises the stakes.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its high stakes, emotional intensity, and dramatic conflict, keeping the audience on the edge of their seats.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is well-managed, with a gradual build-up of tension and suspense that keeps the audience engaged and invested in the outcome.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is well-executed, with clear scene headings, descriptions, and dialogue that adhere to industry standards.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear and engaging structure, building tension and conflict effectively to drive the narrative forward.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension as Sue prepares for the New Year's Eve show, contrasting her glamorous exterior with the underlying chaos of her situation. The juxtaposition of the fitting room's excitement and the dark reality of her dependency on the stabilizer fluid creates a compelling narrative tension.
  • The dialogue is sharp and reflects the characters' personalities well, particularly Harvey's absurd suggestion about the feathers, which adds a layer of dark humor. However, the transition from the fitting room to the living room feels abrupt and could benefit from a smoother narrative flow to maintain the scene's momentum.
  • Sue's emotional state is well conveyed through her actions and dialogue, particularly her frantic search for the USB stick and her desperate phone call. However, the scene could delve deeper into her internal conflict regarding the 'switch' and the implications of her choices, enhancing the emotional stakes.
  • The visual imagery is strong, especially the contrast between the beautiful dress and the chaos of the secret room filled with IV bags. However, the description of the secret room could be more vivid to emphasize the horror of her situation and the toll it has taken on her.
  • The pacing is effective in building suspense, but the climax of the scene—Sue's realization that she must switch—could be more impactful with a stronger emotional reaction. This moment is pivotal and deserves a more dramatic buildup and payoff.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment of reflection for Sue before she makes the phone call, allowing the audience to see her internal struggle and fear about the 'switch.' This could heighten the emotional stakes.
  • Enhance the transition between the fitting room and the living room by including a visual or auditory cue that links the two spaces, such as the sound of the fitting room fading into the chaos of the secret room.
  • Expand on the description of the secret room to create a more vivid and unsettling atmosphere, emphasizing the contrast between Sue's glamorous life and the grim reality of her dependency.
  • Incorporate more physicality into Sue's frantic search for the USB stick, showcasing her desperation through her movements and expressions to make her emotional state more palpable.
  • Strengthen the climax of the scene by allowing Sue to express her horror and disgust at the idea of switching more explicitly, perhaps through a visceral reaction or a moment of hesitation that underscores the gravity of her situation.



Scene 50 -  Descent into Despair
178 INT. BEDROOM - NIGHT 178

The man sits on the side of the bed, not sure what he has
just heard.

BOYFRIEND
Babe?

A beat.

The hollow echo of a phlegmy cough.

The man knits his eyebrows, increasingly perplexed...

He stands and we follow him stepping into the hallway.

BOYFRIEND (CONT’D)
Are you alright?

CUT TO:

179 INT. BATHROOM - NIGHT 179

POV FLOOR LEVEL ON THE BATHROOM TILES

A beat... AND A HORRIBLY DECREPIT FOOT WITH NECROSED TOES,
appears in the foreground, taking a first step on the
bathroom tiles like the first step on the moon...

CUT TO:


THE SUBSTANCE - May 3rd 2022 - 118 -
...sc 180

180 INT. HALLWAY - NIGHT 180

THE MAN’S FEET WALK ALONG THE DEEP PILE CARPET...

CUT TO:

181 INT. BATHROOM - NIGHT 181

A second ravaged foot takes a second step.

We can feel how difficult it is for her to stand and move
forward...

CUT TO:

182 INT. HALLWAY - NIGHT 182

THE MAN’S FEET WALKING DOWN THE HALLWAY...

BOYFRIEND
Stressed out about tomorrow?

The man is about to reach the door and walk into the bathroo-

BAM! THE DOOR SHUTS VIOLENTLY RIGHT IN HIS FACE!

He is bare-assed facing the door.

BOYFRIEND (CONT’D)
Sue? Is something wrong?
(he sees a few drops of
blood on the carpet)
...a little cranky because of your
lady business?

183 INT. BATHROOM / CORRIDOR - NIGHT 183

ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE DOOR the shot pulls back along a
decrepit hand pushing against the door with all its
diminished strength... the camera pulls back further along a
bony and wizened arm... down a saggy breast that hangs like
an old washcloth... arriving at a big deformed dowager’s
hump, going down a flabby, wrinkled and MILDEWED buttock,
pulling out more to discover Elisabeth’s entire decrepit
hunchbacked figure like a Gollum, leaning back on the door
with all her might.

TWO NAKED ASSES SEPARATED BY THE BATHROOM DOOR.

BOYFRIEND
Sue?!
(knocking at the door)
Sue open the door - it’s not funny
I need to take a piss!



THE SUBSTANCE - May 3rd 2022 - 119 -
...sc 183


Elisabeth, petrified and mortified on the other side.

She turns her head towards the mirrored cabinet over the
bathroom sink... it reflects a puny, wizened, dreadfully
wrinkled old woman...

SLOW ZOOM IN on her heavily wrinkled face ... thin, stringy
gray hair with bald spots... it takes her a moment to
understand that this horrible old wrinkled thing whose eyes
are reddened from conjunctivitis is...

HER.

BOYFRIEND (O.S.) (CONT’D)
(banging on the door)
Sue! Open the door!

Stark naked, he pounds on the door, louder and louder

BAM! BAM! BAM!

VERY SLOW ZOOM IN - WHICH SHAKES ON ELISABETH’S REFLECTION...
the knocking on the door emphasizes the horrific image she
sees reflected in the mirror... BAM BAM BAM!

And suddenly she starts screaming in a hoarse and cavernous
voice:

ELISABETH
GET OUT!! GET THE
FUCK OUT OF
HERE!!!!
(an enormous wet cough filled with phlegm)

184A INT. HALLWAY / BATHROOM - NIGHT 184A

IN THE HALLWAY - the man jumps back, almost toppling over in
surprise.

He pauses for a moment.

BOYFRIEND
WHAT THE FUCK....
Who’s this? Who the fuck is this?!

ELISABETH
(starts pounding on the
door, screaming)
LEAVE ME
ALONE!!!!!!!!
(MORE)


THE SUBSTANCE - May 3rd 2022 - 120 -
...sc 184A
ELISABETH (CONT’D)
GET OUT OF MY
HOME!!!! LEAVE ME
THE FUCK
ALOOOONE!!!!!!!!
A horrible noisy phlegmy cough, she spits out mucous again.

BOYFRIEND
What the fuck!?

Finally, totally flipped out, the man rushes into the
bedroom, grabs his things and takes off without a word,
SLAMMING the door behind him. BAM!

184B INT. CORRIDOR / LIVING ROOM - NIGHT 184B

Elisabeth opens the bathroom door and hurries down the
hallway. She trips and falls like an old bag of bones. Gets
up and goes into the living room where she rushes to the
telephone.

Her gnarled and deformed fingers push on the phone buttons
with great difficulty.

The line rings.

Yes?

She can’t hear anything - and starts speaking super loudly
like the hearing impaired.

ELISABETH
THIS IS 503 I WANT TO
STOP!!
A beat.

Are you sure? Once you stop you can’t go ba...

ELISABETH (CONT’D)
I FUCKING WANT TO
STOO OOOOOOP !!!!!!!
The words are roared as though her guts were about to spill
out of her mouth.

A beat.

We’ll deliver.



THE SUBSTANCE - May 3rd 2022 - 121 -
...sc 184C

184C INT. HALLWAY / LIVING ROOM - NIGHT 184C

Elisabeth has just pulled the huge framed photo of herself
into the living room - her blue leotard and happy smile on
her face, she props it back up against the wall. She looks at
it for while.

185 INT. LIVING ROOM - DAY 185

Daytime now. Elisabeth feverishly finishes getting dressed:
gloves, thick skin-colored tights, a shawl wrapped like a
turban around her head, and oversized sunglasses. Bundled up
in her yellow coat over her bathrobe, she wraps a blanket
around her neck like a scarf, although outside the sun is
shining brightly.

Sue's phone rings on the table. When you’re smiling...When y-

Elisabeth picks up.

ALAN (V.O.)
HEY HEY HEY! HOW IS MY STAR TODAY?
READY FOR THE BIG NIG...

ELISABETH
She’s not here. She’s gone. This is
over.

ALAN (V.O.)
What do you mean she’s gon...

ELISABETH
THIS IS OVER SHE’S NOT COMING
BACK!!!!
BAM! SHE HURLS THE PHONE ACROSS THE ROOM.

186A INT. APARTMENT CORRIDOR - DAY 186A

At the very moment that she steps into the hallway outside
her front door, her neighbor’s door opens as if half-stalking
her.

NEIGHBOR
How about we g-

ELISABETH
FUCK OFF!

186B INT. STAIRWAY - DAY 186B

She hurtles down the stairs like a lunatic while the neighbor
immediately scurries back inside his apartment, bolting his
door shut.


THE SUBSTANCE - May 3rd 2022 - 122 -
...sc 187A
Genres: ["Horror","Psychological Thriller","Drama"]

Summary In a dimly lit apartment, a boyfriend hears a strange sound and calls out to his partner, Sue. As he investigates, he discovers blood on the carpet and a decrepit figure in the bathroom—Elisabeth, who is horrified by her aged reflection. She screams for him to leave, prompting him to panic and flee. Elisabeth, in a state of despair, attempts to call for help and ultimately throws a photo of her younger self against the wall, symbolizing her loss of identity and the horror of her transformation.
Strengths
  • Effective portrayal of horror and psychological unease
  • Compelling character transformation
  • Intense emotional impact
Weaknesses
  • Some elements may be too disturbing for sensitive audiences

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively creates a sense of horror and psychological unease through its disturbing imagery and emotional intensity.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of a character facing a horrifying physical transformation and emotional breakdown is compelling and well-executed.

Plot: 8

The plot focuses on the main character's descent into horror and despair, effectively building tension and emotional impact.

Originality: 9

The scene is original in its depiction of deteriorating mental state, physical decay, and intense emotional conflict. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and contribute to the overall sense of unease and suspense.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters are well-developed, especially the main character who undergoes a significant transformation, adding depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 9

The main character undergoes a significant transformation both physically and emotionally, leading to a compelling character arc.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to understand and deal with the mysterious and disturbing behavior of the other character, Elisabeth. This reflects his deeper need for stability and safety in his relationship.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to figure out what is happening with Elisabeth and to address the escalating situation. This reflects the immediate challenge he is facing in dealing with her unexpected behavior.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict between the main character's inner turmoil, physical transformation, and external world adds to the scene's intensity.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Elisabeth's unpredictable and disturbing behavior creating a significant obstacle for the protagonist to overcome.

High Stakes: 8

The high stakes are evident in the main character's physical and emotional deterioration, adding urgency and tension to the scene.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by revealing the main character's deteriorating state and emotional breakdown.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected and disturbing behavior of Elisabeth, the escalating tension between the characters, and the shocking revelations about her deteriorating mental state.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the clash between the protagonist's desire for normalcy and Elisabeth's deteriorating mental state. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs about relationships and the unpredictability of human behavior.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions of fear, disgust, and empathy for the main character's plight.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue effectively conveys the emotional turmoil and desperation of the main character, adding to the scene's intensity.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense and suspenseful atmosphere, the escalating conflict between the characters, and the unpredictable nature of the events unfolding.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and suspense, with a gradual escalation of events and a sense of urgency in the characters' actions and dialogue.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and easy to follow, with distinct scene transitions and visual descriptions that enhance the atmosphere and mood.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows a logical progression, moving between different locations and characters to build tension and suspense effectively.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension and horror through the juxtaposition of the boyfriend's confusion and Elisabeth's grotesque transformation. The use of sound, particularly the phlegmy cough and the boyfriend's increasingly frantic calls, enhances the atmosphere of dread and confusion.
  • The visual imagery of Elisabeth's decrepit body is striking and serves to emphasize her internal struggle and loss of identity. However, the description may be too graphic for some audiences, potentially detracting from the emotional impact. Balancing the grotesque with more subtle hints of her condition could maintain horror while allowing for deeper emotional resonance.
  • The dialogue is minimal but effective, with the boyfriend's lines conveying concern and confusion, while Elisabeth's screams reflect her desperation. However, the boyfriend's character could benefit from more depth; his reactions feel somewhat one-dimensional. Adding a line or two that reveals his emotional state or backstory could enhance audience investment in his character.
  • The pacing of the scene is well-structured, with the tension building gradually as the boyfriend investigates. However, the transition from the boyfriend's perspective to Elisabeth's could be smoother. Consider using a more gradual reveal of Elisabeth's condition rather than an abrupt cut to her perspective, which might enhance the horror of the moment.
  • The ending of the scene, where Elisabeth screams for help, is powerful and leaves the audience with a sense of urgency. However, it might benefit from a clearer emotional arc. Exploring Elisabeth's internal thoughts or feelings in the moment could deepen the audience's connection to her plight.
Suggestions
  • Consider softening some of the graphic descriptions of Elisabeth's physical state to maintain horror while allowing for emotional depth. Focus on her feelings of despair and loss rather than solely on her physical decay.
  • Develop the boyfriend's character further by adding a line or two that reveals his emotional state or relationship with Elisabeth, making his concern feel more genuine and layered.
  • Enhance the transition between the boyfriend's perspective and Elisabeth's by using a gradual reveal of her condition, perhaps through sound or a slow zoom that builds suspense before showing her grotesque form.
  • Incorporate Elisabeth's internal thoughts or feelings during her moment of horror to create a stronger emotional connection with the audience, allowing them to empathize with her struggle.
  • Consider adding a moment of hesitation or reflection for Elisabeth before she screams, which could heighten the emotional stakes and make her outburst feel more impactful.



Scene 51 -  Desperate Choices
187A EXT. STREET (ELISABETH AREA) - DAY 187A

THE BLINDING LIGHT OUTSIDE. ALL THE EXTERIOR STIMULI ARE LIKE
A PHYSICAL AGGRESSION.

WE FOLLOW THE LIMPING YELLOW COAT IN EXTREME CLOSE UP.

187B OMITTED 187B


187C INT. CORRIDOR DEPOSIT - DAY 187C

The yellow coat goes along the corridor.

187D INT. DEPOSIT / LOBBY - DAY 187D

CLOSE UP ON THE CARD THAT OPENS THE DEPOSIT BOX. BEEP.


187E OMITTED 187E


188 INT. APARTMENT ENTRANCE - DAY 188

She makes it back home.

SLAMS THE DOOR SHUT.

HER GLOVED HAND DOUBLE LOCKING EACH BOLT.

(she takes off a few layers of clothing - scarf, blanket)

CUT TO:

189 INT. SECRET ROOM / BATHROOM - DAY 189

ELISABETH’S GLOVED HAND closes around Sue’s delicate ankle.
Elisabeth pulls her out of the secret room.

190A INT. HALLWAY / LIVING ROOM - DAY 190A

The camera follows Sue’s body at floor level as she is
quickly dragged down the hallway. Her head violently bumps
against a piece of furniture: BAM!

Elisabeth drags her into the living room right into the
picture window’s full light.

She brutally tears apart box 503 with her old, shaking hands
and takes out: A BIG WHITE NOTECARD which reads:

We are sorry you didn’t appreciate your experience

with The Substance


THE SUBSTANCE - May 3rd 2022 - 123 -
...sc 190A


With the note card is a small vial filled with a black liquid
marked “TERMINATION” for an intra-cardiac injection.

She touches the spot where the needle needs to go into Sue’s
heart.

Holding the syringe, she lifts up her arms high above her and
is about to...

Are you sure ?

Elisabeth jumps and looks around...

... before realizing that the voice is inside her head...

...Once you stop you can’t go back...

Her eyes are more and more focused on Sue's chest going up
and down peacefully...

You will simply remain on your own...
She shakes her head in order to keep her concentration...

But the voice inside her skull rings out even louder...

JUST ON YOUR OWN...
ELISABETH
SHUT THE FUCK UP !!!!


JUST ON YOUR OWN…
BAM! Elisabeth jabs the needle right down into Sue's thorax!

Trying not to waver in her determination, she presses
slightly on the plunger to release a notch of the product.

CLOSE-UP ON THE SYRINGE AS IT SLOWLY BUT GRADUALLY EMPTIES.
Sue’s heartbeat slows down:

Ba boom………………………………………………ba boom…………………………………………………baboom…

AND SUDDENLY ELISABETH’S EYES FREEZE on something facing
her... her eyes mist over... shining with tears... as we
discover what she is looking at:

The note card sitting next to the bouquet of red roses:

“THEY’RE GOING TO LOVE YOU”
Tears well up in her eyes, they escape and roll down her
cheeks... And suddenly Elisabeth wavers... collapses to the
ground next to Sue, bursting into tears, letting all her pain
come out.


THE SUBSTANCE - May 3rd 2022 - 124 -
...sc 190A


ELISABETH (CONT’D)
I can’t...I can’t...
I HATE myself...I need you..
(shaking her)
I need you!!!

She starts to panic, leans in very close to her face to try
and make out any sign of breathing. Nothing.

She starts CPR on Sue.

ELISABETH (CONT’D)
(one two three four...)
Forgive me I was out of my mind...
(one two three four...)
YOU’re the only interesting part of
me. You’re the perfect one.

Blood starts to trickle then run out of Sue's nose.

No no no no...Elisabeth rushes into the bathroom to grab the
switch pipe, hurrying back... she kneels down next to Sue.

ELISABETH (CONT’D)
WE HAVE TO GET YOU READY... THIS IS
OUR BIG NIGHT!

She hooks up the switch pipe. The blood starts circulating...

But nothing happens.

ELISABETH (CONT’D)
C’MON!!! THEY’RE GONNA LOVE YOU!!

She removes the needle from Sue’s arm... and BAM! She jabs it
right into Sue’s chest for an intra-cardiac injection,
screaming:

ELISABETH (CONT’D)
C’MON!!!
The blood circulates AND SUDDENLY Sue's rib cage heaves in a
spasm; she coughs blood up right on Elisabeth’s face.

Taken by surprise, Elisabeth is completely lost.

She takes several steps back, shocked.

Sue's eyes are... OPEN.

So are Elisabeth’s.

Completely rattled, Sue doesn't seem to understand what's
going on.

They look at each other for a short moment, both frozen in
disbelief.


THE SUBSTANCE - May 3rd 2022 - 125 -
...sc 190A


Both of them are activated at the same time...

A long beat on the two women, staring at each other... they
both seem to be trying to fathom each other's soul...

Sue sees the “termination” vial on the floor.

A suspended beat...
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller","Psychological"]

Summary In a tense and chaotic scene, Elisabeth, clad in a yellow coat, returns home and drags Sue from a secret room into the living room. Faced with a vial labeled 'TERMINATION,' Elisabeth grapples with her conscience before injecting Sue. Initially lifeless, Sue's revival after CPR leads to a shocking moment of connection between the two women, filled with guilt and desperation.
Strengths
  • Intense emotional impact
  • Strong character development
  • Suspenseful pacing
Weaknesses
  • Graphic violence
  • Disturbing imagery

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9.2

The scene is intense, emotionally charged, and filled with suspense. It effectively conveys the desperation and inner turmoil of the characters, keeping the audience engaged throughout.


Story Content

Concept: 9.5

The concept of using a mysterious substance to drive the plot and explore themes of guilt, desperation, and redemption is compelling and well-executed.

Plot: 9

The plot is gripping and moves the story forward significantly, revealing key character motivations and conflicts while keeping the audience on the edge of their seats.

Originality: 9

The scene is original in its depiction of a morally complex and emotionally charged situation. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9.2

The characters are well-developed and their emotional arcs are compelling, especially in this scene where their inner struggles are laid bare.

Character Changes: 9

Both characters undergo significant changes in this scene, confronting their past actions and emotions, leading to moments of realization and transformation.

Internal Goal: 9

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to confront her own inner turmoil and guilt. She struggles with self-hatred and the need for forgiveness, as well as a desire for connection and understanding.

External Goal: 8

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to carry out the termination of another character, Sue. This reflects the immediate challenge she faces in completing a dangerous and morally questionable task.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9.5

The conflict in the scene is intense and multi-layered, with internal and external struggles driving the characters to make difficult decisions.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist facing moral dilemmas, emotional turmoil, and unexpected challenges.

High Stakes: 10

The stakes are extremely high in this scene, with a character's life on the line and the emotional consequences of past actions coming to a head.

Story Forward: 9

The scene propels the story forward by revealing crucial information, deepening character relationships, and setting the stage for future developments.

Unpredictability: 9

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected turn of events and the emotional complexity of the characters' actions.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the struggle between life and death, morality and immorality, and the value of human connection. It challenges the protagonist's beliefs about right and wrong, as well as the consequences of her actions.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9.8

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking feelings of empathy, fear, and suspense as the characters face life-threatening situations and confront their inner demons.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is impactful and conveys the characters' emotions effectively, adding depth to the scene and enhancing the tension.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense emotional conflict, suspenseful pacing, and unpredictable twists.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension and suspense, as well as allowing for emotional depth and character development.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear and concise descriptions of the action and dialogue.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, building tension and suspense effectively.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures Elisabeth's internal conflict and desperation, showcasing her emotional turmoil through her actions and dialogue. However, the pacing feels rushed, particularly in the transition from her dragging Sue to the moment of the injection. This could benefit from a more gradual build-up to heighten the tension and emotional stakes.
  • The use of the voice inside Elisabeth's head adds a layer of psychological complexity, but it could be clearer. The dialogue from the voice feels somewhat generic and could be more personalized to reflect Elisabeth's specific fears and insecurities. This would enhance the audience's connection to her struggle.
  • The physicality of the scene is strong, particularly in the close-ups and the visceral imagery of the injection. However, the emotional weight of the moment could be amplified by incorporating more sensory details—what does Elisabeth smell, hear, or feel as she performs these actions? This would create a more immersive experience for the audience.
  • The dialogue during the CPR sequence is poignant, but it could be more varied. Repeating 'one two three four...' feels mechanical and could be replaced with more emotionally charged phrases that reflect Elisabeth's desperation and love for Sue. This would deepen the emotional impact of the scene.
  • The ending of the scene, where both women are activated and stare at each other, is powerful but could benefit from a clearer visual or auditory cue that signifies their connection. This would help the audience understand the significance of this moment and its implications for their relationship moving forward.
Suggestions
  • Consider slowing down the pacing during the injection sequence to build tension. Allow for more moments of hesitation or reflection from Elisabeth before she makes the decision to inject Sue.
  • Revise the internal voice dialogue to make it more specific to Elisabeth's character. Use language that reflects her unique fears and insecurities to create a stronger emotional resonance.
  • Incorporate more sensory details to enhance the atmosphere of the scene. Describe the sounds, smells, and physical sensations that Elisabeth experiences to draw the audience deeper into her emotional state.
  • Vary the dialogue during the CPR sequence to include more emotionally charged phrases that reflect Elisabeth's feelings for Sue. This will make the moment feel more urgent and impactful.
  • Add a visual or auditory cue at the end of the scene that signifies the connection between Elisabeth and Sue. This could be a shared memory, a sound, or a visual motif that reinforces their bond and the stakes of their situation.



Scene 52 -  Descent into Chaos
190B INT. LIVING ROOM - DAY 190B

And all of a sudden Sue throws herself at Elisabeth... who
dodges her in the nick of time and runs away inside the
apartment. Elisabeth throws something right at Sue’s face
before running away from her again: fuck fuck fuck... she
stumbles and gets back up again as fast as she can... Sue
runs right after her.

Elisabeth grabs a trophy and tries hitting Sue on the head
with it... but Sue ducks at the last minute, avoiding the
object and violently disarms Elisabeth.

Suddenly, Sue runs right at Elisabeth, kneecapping her in the
plexus, which sends Elisabeth flying right against her huge
framed poster on the wall.

The fight between the two of them is UNBELIEVABLY VIOLENT.

Brutal. Carnal. Like a survival instinct pushed to its
fullest.

Creator versus creature...

Sue runs for Elisabeth and starts to strangle her... throttle
her...Elisabeth chokes... suffocates...

With her convulsing free hand, Elisabeth fumbles around,
desperately searching for something... anything... and grabs
a... lamp and BAM! She smashes it atop Sue’s head.

An electric shock shoots through Sue who lets go. Elisabeth
runs into the corridor... Sue runs right after her.
Everything speeds up.

Elisabeth rushes...

191 INT. BATHROOM - DAY 191

...into the bathroom to hide. Her hand trembling as she locks
the door. Sue tries to kick the door down.

Elisabeth searches for a weapon... something to block or
defend... anything... she tries to push a large piece of
furniture against the door to block it but too late... SUE
KICKS the door down... BAM!



THE SUBSTANCE - May 3rd 2022 - 126 -
...sc 191


She punches Elisabeth who falls backwards – THUMP! Her head
bangs violently against the edge of the earthenware sink –
dizzy, she crashes down brutally to the floor...

She tries to come back to her senses but Sue is already upon
her... she grabs her by the hair... picks her up and holds
her in front of the mirror... they both look at each other’s
reflection for a moment before suddenly...THWACK! Sue smashes
Elisabeth's face against the mirror... the mirror cracks and
Elisabeth's eyebrow splits open... She doesn't have the time
to do or say anything before BAM! She's slammed once again
against the mirror.

Elisabeth tries to say something to her:

ELISABETH
Stop... we are o-

But BAM! Sue slams her again against the mirror!! Again! And
again! Soon, Elisabeth's mouth is so messed up that she can
no longer talk - nothing comprehensible comes out. Sue is in
a trance, entirely uncontrollable...

Elisabeth manages to free herself from Sue’s grasp...

192 INT. HALLWAY / LIVING ROOM - DAY 192

...she crawls down the hallway and into the living room.

Sue catches up with her and gives her a final blow which
sends Elisabeth flying through the room before landing on the
glass coffee table which smashes into pieces.

Lying in the middle of the shards of broken glass, Elisabeth
tries to wriggle to get up but her body no longer seems to
respond... Sue now starts kicking her repeatedly, more and
more furiously, each kick making Elisabeth jerk on the floor
and cough up blood. SUE CAN NO LONGER CONTROL HERSELF. SHE'S
KICKING HER MERCILESSLY... until a large pool of blood slowly
starts to form around her on the floor... and Elisabeth's
body finally stops moving: an irreversible stasis.

Sue looks down at the red liquid, as if hypnotized by it. She
brutally seems to come out of her state of trance...

And realizes what she's done...


EVERYTHING IS YOU
INSERT

THE PALM TREE LOSES ITS LEAVES.

She's just killed the matrix.



THE SUBSTANCE - May 3rd 2022 - 127 -
...sc 192


She's just... killed... herself...

193 INT. INSERT 193

SMACK! THE TWO BLU TACK BALLS SLAMMED ONE AGAINST THE OTHER


YOU CAN’T ESCAPE FROM YOURSELF
194 EXT MOTORCYCLE IMAGERY 194


THE DIRTY GRAINY IMAGE of the MOTORCYCLE FROM THE BEGINNING
hurtling straight towards the camera... AND VIOLENTLY
CRASHING INTO IT STRAIGHT ON: the motorcycle smashes into
pieces and the body of the driver flies into the air like a
disarticulated puppet from the sheer ferocity of the impact.
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller","Psychological"]

Summary In a brutal confrontation, Sue violently attacks Elisabeth, who struggles to defend herself but is ultimately overpowered. The fight escalates as Sue delivers devastating blows, culminating in Elisabeth's apparent death on a broken glass coffee table. As Sue stands over her lifeless body, she is struck by the realization of her uncontrollable aggression and the irreversible consequences of her actions.
Strengths
  • Intense confrontation
  • Emotional depth
  • Tragic realization
  • Impactful storytelling
Weaknesses
  • Graphic violence
  • Disturbing imagery

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9.2

The scene is highly impactful, with a gripping and intense confrontation that leads to a tragic outcome. The emotional depth and shocking events make it a standout moment in the screenplay.


Story Content

Concept: 9.1

The concept of a fatal confrontation between two characters, leading to irreversible consequences and a shocking realization, is executed with depth and impact.

Plot: 9.2

The plot progression in this scene is crucial, as it leads to a significant turning point in the story with irreversible consequences for the characters involved.

Originality: 9

The scene is original in its graphic depiction of a violent confrontation between two characters, with authentic actions and dialogue that heighten the sense of danger and desperation.


Character Development

Characters: 9.4

The characters' emotions, motivations, and actions are portrayed with depth and complexity, especially during the intense confrontation, making them compelling and engaging.

Character Changes: 9

Both characters undergo significant changes during the scene, leading to a tragic realization and irreversible consequences that shape their arcs.

Internal Goal: 8

Elisabeth's internal goal is to survive the violent confrontation with Sue and protect herself from harm. This reflects her deeper need for self-preservation and fear of being overpowered by her opponent.

External Goal: 7

Elisabeth's external goal is to physically defend herself against Sue's attacks and escape from the dangerous situation. This reflects the immediate challenge she faces in the scene.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9.7

The conflict in this scene is intense, brutal, and deeply personal, leading to a tragic outcome that changes the course of the story.

Opposition: 9

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Sue presenting a formidable challenge to Elisabeth and creating a sense of danger and uncertainty for the audience.

High Stakes: 10

The stakes are incredibly high in this scene, as the characters face a life-changing confrontation with irreversible consequences that alter the course of the story.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by introducing a major turning point with irreversible consequences that impact the characters and the narrative.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the sudden and violent turns of events, keeping the audience on edge and unsure of the outcome.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene is the struggle between creator and creature, representing a power dynamic and the fight for survival. This challenges Elisabeth's beliefs about control and dominance.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9.6

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking feelings of shock, despair, and tragedy as the characters face irreversible consequences.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue in the scene is minimal but impactful, conveying the characters' emotions and escalating tension effectively.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its high stakes, intense action, and emotional impact on the characters. The audience is drawn into the conflict and invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is fast-paced and intense, with a rhythmic flow of action and dialogue that maintains tension and suspense throughout.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene adheres to the expected format for a dramatic and intense confrontation, with clear and concise action descriptions.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows a linear progression of escalating conflict and action, building tension and suspense effectively.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension through its visceral and chaotic depiction of violence, which aligns with the themes of desperation and survival. However, the pacing could benefit from moments of stillness or reflection to heighten the emotional stakes, allowing the audience to process the gravity of the situation.
  • The dialogue is minimal, which works well in a high-stakes fight scene, but the few lines present could be more impactful. Elisabeth's plea to stop feels rushed and could be expanded to convey her emotional turmoil more deeply, enhancing the audience's connection to her plight.
  • The physicality of the fight is well-described, but some actions may come off as overly exaggerated, which could detract from the realism of the scene. For instance, the description of Sue's strength and the brutality of the fight could be balanced with more grounded reactions from Elisabeth to maintain believability.
  • The transition from the living room to the bathroom is abrupt. A smoother transition could enhance the flow of the scene, perhaps by incorporating Elisabeth's thoughts or fears as she runs, which would also deepen her character development.
  • The imagery of blood and violence is powerful, but it risks becoming gratuitous if not balanced with emotional stakes. Consider integrating Elisabeth's internal struggle or memories during the fight to provide context for the violence and make it more meaningful.
Suggestions
  • Incorporate brief flashbacks or internal monologues during the fight to provide context for the characters' motivations and emotional states, enhancing the audience's investment in the outcome.
  • Consider adding a moment where Elisabeth reflects on her relationship with Sue before the fight escalates, which could create a more poignant contrast between their past and the current violence.
  • Revise the dialogue to make Elisabeth's plea more poignant, perhaps by having her express regret or fear about what they have become, which would resonate more with the audience.
  • Explore the use of sound design in the scene. Describing the sounds of the fight—like the shattering glass or the impact of blows—could enhance the visceral experience for the audience.
  • After the climax of the fight, allow for a moment of silence or stillness where Sue processes what she has done. This could serve as a powerful emotional beat that underscores the consequences of her actions.



Scene 53 -  Shattered Reflections
195 INT. LIVING ROOM - DAY 195

BACK TO THE SCENE INSIDE THE LIVING ROOM

Sue looks down fixedly at her bloody hands in the foreground
above a blurry Elisabeth in the middle of a pool of blood in
the background. (tinnitus starts up in her ear - it gets
louder and louder right up to the end)

All of a sudden, we see all the panic, all the VULNERABILITY
inside her eyes.

A long beat.

The phone rings. Like a robot Sue picks up the phone.

SUE
Yes?

ALAN (V.O.)
Sue? Is that you? I tried reaching
you earlier, what happened?...

SUE
Oh nothing.... some practical joker
or something...

ALAN (V.O.)
Oh, you’re reassuring me. This is
no time for nerves.

Through the picture window, the large billboard with her
image smiling brightly right back at her:




THE SUBSTANCE - May 3rd 2022 - 128 -
...sc 195



NEW YEAR’S EVE SHOW
TONIGHT 9PM

ALAN (V.O.)
I’ll be in the front row to see you
shine. THEY’RE GONNA LOVE YOU!

She hangs up.

195B INT. SALLE DE BAIN - JOUR 195B

Sue calmly washes her hands. The blood disappears down the
dark sink hole.

She looks at her reflection shattered in dozens of pieces
inside the broken mirror.

196 INT. TV STUDIO / BACKSTAGE CORRIDOR - DAY 196

Sue arrives at the studio where EVERYONE is rushing around in
preparation for the last rehearsal before the live event.

She listens to everything attentively, her wide smile upon
her face, but we can sense she's acutely attuned to
everything happening inside her, checking for anything that
could potentially go wrong.

CUT TO:

197 INT. NYE FITTING ROOM - DAY 197

A MAGNIFICENT DIAMOND NECKLACE that is delicately placed
around Sue’s neck, as she’s slipped into a dress in the
fitting room.

Everyone drops by the lounge to encourage her.

As the stylist finishes lacing up the corset of her dress
from behind, Sue suddenly starts coughing slightly.

She drinks from a glass of water to try and calm down.

But after a short moment, she starts coughing again.

And again. She can't seem to stop coughing.

She apologizes and leaves for the bathroom.




THE SUBSTANCE - May 3rd 2022 - 129 -
...sc 198
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In a tense scene, Sue grapples with the aftermath of a traumatic event, staring at her bloody hands and the lifeless body of Elisabeth in the background. A phone call from Alan offers hollow encouragement for her upcoming performance, contrasting with her internal panic. As she washes away the blood and faces her fragmented reflection in a broken mirror, she arrives at the studio, forcing a smile despite her turmoil. Dressed for the show, she suddenly succumbs to a coughing fit, highlighting her escalating distress as she excuses herself from the fitting room.
Strengths
  • Intense emotional portrayal
  • High stakes and tension
  • Compelling character dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Potential for excessive violence
  • Cliched dialogue in some moments

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys a sense of fear, guilt, and desperation through the characters' actions and emotions. The high stakes and shocking revelation add depth to the storyline, while the vulnerability displayed by the characters enhances the overall impact.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the scene revolves around the characters' internal struggles, guilt, and the consequences of their actions. It effectively explores themes of fear, desperation, and the complexities of human emotions.

Plot: 8.5

The plot of the scene is compelling, with significant developments that drive the narrative forward. The conflict and stakes are heightened, leading to a pivotal moment that sets the stage for future events.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh take on the trope of a performer facing personal challenges before a big event. The authenticity of Sue's actions and dialogue adds depth to the character.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-developed, showcasing their vulnerabilities, fears, and inner turmoil. Their actions and reactions feel authentic, adding depth to the scene and driving the emotional impact.

Character Changes: 8

The characters undergo significant emotional changes, grappling with fear, guilt, and desperation. Their actions and decisions in the scene reflect their inner turmoil and the consequences of their choices.

Internal Goal: 8

Sue's internal goal in this scene is to maintain composure and hide her vulnerability and fear, despite the traumatic events she has just experienced. This reflects her deeper need for success and validation in her career.

External Goal: 7.5

Sue's external goal is to successfully perform at the live event and impress the audience. This reflects the immediate challenge she is facing in the scene.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is intense, with high stakes and emotional turmoil driving the characters' actions. The escalating tension and dramatic confrontation heighten the impact of the scene.

Opposition: 7.5

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Sue facing internal and external challenges that add complexity to the narrative and keep the audience engaged.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes in the scene are high, with the characters facing dire consequences for their actions. The tension and suspense are heightened by the risks involved, adding urgency to the narrative.

Story Forward: 9

The scene effectively moves the story forward by introducing key developments, escalating the conflict, and setting the stage for future events. It advances the plot while deepening the characters' arcs.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected coughing fit Sue experiences, adding a layer of tension and uncertainty to the narrative.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

There is a philosophical conflict between Sue's public persona as a successful performer and her private struggles and vulnerabilities. This challenges her beliefs about success and image.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking fear, guilt, and shock in the characters and the audience. The intense emotions displayed by the characters resonate strongly, leaving a lasting impression.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue effectively conveys the characters' emotions and motivations, contributing to the overall tension and suspense of the scene. It enhances the character dynamics and reveals important information.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the intense emotional moments, the high stakes of the live event, and the mystery surrounding Sue's actions and motivations.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, leading up to the climax of Sue's coughing fit. It contributes to the overall effectiveness of the scene.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and easy to follow, with concise descriptions and effective use of dialogue. It follows the expected format for a dramatic scene in a screenplay.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene effectively builds tension and sets up the conflict for the upcoming live event. It follows the expected format for a dramatic moment in a screenplay.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures Sue's psychological turmoil following the violent confrontation with Elisabeth. The imagery of her bloody hands juxtaposed with Elisabeth's lifeless body creates a powerful visual metaphor for guilt and the consequences of her actions. However, the transition from the intense violence to Sue's robotic response on the phone feels abrupt and could benefit from a smoother emotional arc.
  • The dialogue between Sue and Alan serves to highlight Sue's attempt to maintain a facade of normalcy despite the chaos around her. However, Alan's lines could be more impactful if they reflected a deeper concern for Sue's well-being, rather than just focusing on the upcoming performance. This would enhance the emotional stakes and make Sue's denial more poignant.
  • The use of tinnitus as a sound motif is effective in conveying Sue's mental state, but it could be further emphasized through visual cues or physical reactions from Sue, such as her body language or facial expressions. This would help the audience connect more deeply with her internal struggle.
  • The broken mirror serves as a strong visual symbol of Sue's fractured identity, but the scene could benefit from a more explicit exploration of her feelings about her reflection. A brief moment of self-reflection or a line of internal dialogue could deepen the audience's understanding of her psychological state.
  • The pacing of the scene is generally effective, but the transition from the phone call to Sue washing her hands feels slightly rushed. A moment of hesitation or a lingering shot on her face before she moves to the sink could heighten the tension and allow the audience to fully absorb her emotional state.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment of internal conflict for Sue during the phone call, where she briefly contemplates her actions before responding to Alan. This could enhance the tension and showcase her psychological struggle.
  • Enhance the dialogue with Alan to include more emotional depth, perhaps by having him express concern for Sue's mental state rather than just focusing on the performance. This would create a stronger contrast between her internal chaos and the external expectations placed on her.
  • Incorporate more physical manifestations of Sue's anxiety, such as trembling hands or a racing heartbeat, to complement the auditory motif of tinnitus. This would create a more immersive experience for the audience.
  • Explore Sue's feelings about her reflection in the broken mirror more explicitly. A brief moment of self-loathing or a realization of her fractured identity could add depth to her character and the scene.
  • Slow down the pacing slightly during the transition from the phone call to the hand-washing scene. A lingering shot on Sue's face or a moment of silence could amplify the emotional weight of her actions and the gravity of the situation.



Scene 54 -  The Cost of Perfection
198 INT. WINDING CORRIDORS - DAY 198

We follow her making her way down the hallway.

Walking past the soundstage, we see Harvey shouting at a
technician, pointing to a cable hanging from the ceiling.

HARVEY
...you nail it, you GLUE it or you
fucking EAT it! But EVERYTHING’S
GOTTA BE PERFECT!!

199 INT. NEW YEAR EVE BATHROOM - DAY 199

Sue reaches the restroom and double locks the door.

After a few seconds, she starts coughing again.

Once.

Twice. Ten times.

She's leaning over the sink; trying to make it stop.

Cling gling...

She catches something in the nick of time which has just
fallen into the sink before it slides down the black hole...

A silent beat.

She looks down at her closed fist... which is closed so
tightly it is almost about to break the cartilage.

She slowly opens up her fingers...

And looks down... in the middle of her palm...

... at a TOOTH...

... Its bloody root...

She looks down at it...

And looks back up at the mirror again...

Slowly... very slowly... she opens up her mouth...

And discovers... a black hole right in the middle of her
white teeth...

She stares for a long moment at her smile in the mirror’s
reflection...

And as if drawn by an irresistible urge to do so... she
slowly approaches her fingers towards her other front tooth.



THE SUBSTANCE - May 3rd 2022 - 130 -
...sc 199


She pulls on it... and the tooth pulls away easily with a
small sticky noise...

Her eyes widen...as she holds this new tooth in between her
fingers...

And as if drawn by another compulsive urge, she touches a
third tooth... which also detaches itself very easily...

Her eyes grow increasingly crazed.

Her toothless smile gets bigger and bigger...

Like the black holes of a harmonica.

A black hole into hell.

She stares down at the three teeth in the palm of her hand.

The enormous and bloody roots... It's as if her hidden dark
side was suddenly coming to light.

Someone knocks at the door.

ASSISTANT DIRECTOR - NYE SHOW (O.S.)
Sue?! Are you there? They need to
see you on stage to set the lights

She looks down in terror at her teeth in her hand... then her
face in the mirror...

Her eyes increasingly crazed and terrified, she attempts to
articulate in a normal voice:

SUE
I’m coming just a sec!

Blood drips into the sink. She bends over to make sure none
of the blood stains her dress.

SUE (CONT’D)
I’ll meet you there!

She tries to calm herself down for a moment... thinks...

And suddenly... an idea sparks to life in her eyes...She
looks at her necklace and seems to have come up with an idea.

She rinses her hands and mouth, to get rid of all traces of
blood.

... keeps her mouth shut tight... closes her fingers around
the three teeth inside her hand...

A long beat on the tightly closed fist...

She takes a deep breath and...



THE SUBSTANCE - May 3rd 2022 - 131 -
...sc 199


...opens the door.
Genres: ["Drama","Psychological Thriller"]

Summary In a tense bathroom scene on New Year's Eve, Sue grapples with a disturbing physical transformation as she pulls out her teeth in a panic, revealing a black hole in her gums. Amidst her emotional turmoil and the pressure of her role in a high-stakes production, she struggles to maintain composure before facing the outside world, ultimately taking a deep breath and preparing to confront her reality.
Strengths
  • Intense emotional impact
  • Effective portrayal of fear and horror
  • Compelling character development
Weaknesses
  • Minimal dialogue
  • Graphic imagery may be disturbing to some viewers

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9.2

The scene is highly effective in creating a sense of terror and desperation through the protagonist's disturbing actions and the revelation of her hidden dark side. The intense emotions and shocking imagery contribute to a gripping and memorable scene.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of the scene, focusing on the protagonist's dark side and self-discovery through a disturbing act, is compelling and effectively executed. The theme of hidden fears and inner turmoil is central to the scene.

Plot: 8.5

The plot of the scene revolves around the protagonist's shocking discovery of her dark side through the extraction of her teeth, leading to a moment of terror and self-realization. The plot progression is intense and impactful.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on the theme of appearance versus reality through the use of dental imagery and symbolism. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds depth to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The protagonist's character is well-developed and portrayed, showcasing her descent into fear and horror as she confronts her hidden dark side. The emotional depth and complexity of the character enhance the scene's impact.

Character Changes: 9

The protagonist undergoes a significant character change in the scene, as she discovers her hidden dark side through the extraction of her teeth. This moment of self-realization and horror transforms her character and sets the stage for further development.

Internal Goal: 9

Sue's internal goal is to conceal her distress and maintain composure despite a personal crisis. This reflects her desire to appear in control and avoid revealing vulnerability.

External Goal: 8

Sue's external goal is to appear on stage and set the lights for the New Year's Eve show. This goal reflects the immediate circumstances and challenges she is facing in the entertainment industry.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict in the scene is primarily internal, as the protagonist grapples with her fear, compulsion, and the discovery of her dark side. The escalating tension and horror create a sense of conflict within the character.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, as Sue faces both internal and external obstacles that challenge her composure and force her to confront her fears.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in the scene as the protagonist confronts her hidden dark side through a disturbing act of self-mutilation. The intense fear, desperation, and horror raise the stakes for the character and the narrative.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by revealing a crucial aspect of the protagonist's character and setting the stage for further developments. The discovery of her dark side and the escalating tension contribute to the overall narrative progression.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected revelation of the protagonist's dental crisis and the escalating tension as she tries to conceal it.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the theme of appearance versus reality. Sue struggles to maintain a facade of normalcy while dealing with a personal crisis, challenging her beliefs about authenticity and presentation.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact due to the intense fear, desperation, and horror experienced by the protagonist as she confronts her hidden dark side. The shocking imagery and emotional depth evoke strong emotions in the audience.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue in the scene is minimal but effective in conveying the protagonist's fear and compulsion. The internal monologue and interactions with the assistant director add to the tension and horror of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense emotional stakes, suspenseful pacing, and the protagonist's compelling internal conflict.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, building tension gradually and maintaining a sense of urgency throughout. The rhythm of the action and dialogue enhances the scene's effectiveness.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and easy to follow, enhancing the reader's understanding of the action and dialogue. It aligns with the expected format for a screenplay.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a coherent structure that builds tension and suspense effectively. It adheres to the expected format for a psychological thriller genre.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension through Sue's physical and psychological deterioration, using visceral imagery to convey her panic and desperation. The visual of her losing teeth serves as a powerful metaphor for her crumbling identity and the loss of control over her body, which aligns well with the overarching themes of the screenplay.
  • The dialogue is minimal, which works in favor of the scene's intensity. However, the Assistant Director's knock at the door could be more impactful if it included a line that reflects the urgency of the situation, enhancing the contrast between Sue's internal chaos and the external demands of her job.
  • The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with the gradual escalation of Sue's panic leading to her violent self-mutilation. However, the transition from her initial shock to the act of pulling out her teeth could benefit from a clearer emotional arc, perhaps by including a brief moment of hesitation or a flashback that highlights her internal conflict.
  • The imagery of the black holes in her mouth is striking, but it may be helpful to clarify the symbolism for the audience. While it represents her hidden dark side, a more explicit connection to her emotional state or past experiences could deepen the audience's understanding of her motivations.
  • The ending of the scene, where Sue comes up with an idea, feels abrupt. It would be more satisfying if the idea was hinted at earlier in the scene, allowing for a more gradual buildup to her resolution. This would also create a stronger sense of continuity and character development.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a line of dialogue from the Assistant Director that emphasizes the urgency of the situation, such as 'Sue, they need you on stage now!' This would heighten the tension and contrast with Sue's internal struggle.
  • Introduce a moment of hesitation before Sue pulls out her teeth, perhaps by showing her reflecting on her past or her fears. This could add depth to her character and make her actions more relatable.
  • Clarify the symbolism of the black holes in her mouth by incorporating a brief flashback or internal monologue that connects her physical state to her emotional turmoil, enhancing the audience's understanding of her motivations.
  • Explore the idea that Sue's 'spark' of inspiration could be foreshadowed earlier in the scene, perhaps through her gaze lingering on her necklace or a previous conversation about her appearance. This would create a more cohesive narrative thread.
  • Consider ending the scene with a more definitive action or thought from Sue that hints at her plan, rather than simply opening the door. This could create a stronger sense of anticipation for the next scene.



Scene 55 -  Caught in the Spotlight
200 INT. WINDING CORRIDORS - DAY 200

She walks quickly through the corridor with her head slightly
lowered and her fist closed along her thigh, trying not to be
noticed by anyone in the busy hallway.

HARVEY (O.S.)
HEY SUE! SUE!

SUE!!!

After a few moments she has no choice but to stop and turn
around slowly.

She finds herself facing... HARVEY.

Behind him, a SWARM OF WHITE MEN in their 60s and 70s wearing
suits.

HARVEY (CONT’D)
Let me introduce you to the
shareholders! They’ve been dying to
meet you!

Sue stares at them... sweating...

Next to her thigh, her fist seems as if it's about to
explode, her fingers clasping down on the teeth so tightly...

Harvey looks at her, frowning:

HARVEY (CONT’D)
Everything ok?

Sue remains silent for a moment... Has he noticed anything?

She nods as if to say yes... her neck is drenched in sweat...

Harvey continues to stare at her for a long moment... until
his face finally lights up as he erupts:

HARVEY (CONT’D)
SO SMILE! THAT’S WHAT WE WANT
TONIGHT!

After a short moment as if frozen... Sue smiles, keeping her
mouth tightly shut.

HARVEY (CONT’D)
PRETTY GIRLS SHOULD ALWAYS SMILE!

A bunch of half naked, young dancing girls with big feathers
on their rumps come walking down the corridor, which is
enough to draw Harvey's attention away from her.



THE SUBSTANCE - May 3rd 2022 - 132 -
...sc 200


He follows the movement of the cute, little butts bouncing up
and down towards the studio and prances about happily behind
them.

HARVEY (CONT’D)
OOOH... feathers feathers
feathers...

The shareholders turn and follow Harvey and the dancing rumps
as well.

Sue makes the most of this moment to turn away and strides
towards the dressing room.

She rushes over to the stylist’s desk, searches through her
work materials and takes out... a small tube of super glue.

She walks back to the bathroom.
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In a bustling corridor, Sue anxiously navigates a social situation as Harvey introduces her to a group of older male shareholders. Despite her discomfort and tense demeanor, Harvey pressures her to smile, oblivious to her distress. Seizing a moment of distraction when Harvey is captivated by dancing girls, Sue escapes to retrieve super glue from the stylist's desk, hinting at a shift in her focus and possible intentions.
Strengths
  • Intense conflict
  • Emotional depth
  • Suspenseful tone
Weaknesses
  • Potential for excessive violence
  • Lack of resolution

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively builds tension and suspense through the escalating conflict and emotional turmoil of the characters, creating a dark and impactful moment in the story.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a violent confrontation between characters with high emotional stakes is well-executed, adding depth to the story and character development.

Plot: 8.5

The plot is advanced significantly through the intense conflict and emotional revelations in the scene, setting up future developments and character arcs.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh take on the familiar theme of gender dynamics in the workplace. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and contribute to the scene's authenticity.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters' emotions, motivations, and relationships are effectively portrayed, adding complexity and depth to their interactions and conflicts.

Character Changes: 8

Both characters undergo significant emotional and psychological changes during the scene, leading to a shift in their relationship and future actions.

Internal Goal: 8

Sue's internal goal is to maintain composure and hide her discomfort in the face of Harvey and the shareholders. This reflects her desire to succeed in a male-dominated corporate environment and her fear of being judged or underestimated.

External Goal: 7

Sue's external goal is to make a good impression on the shareholders and navigate the social dynamics of the corporate world. She needs to project confidence and professionalism.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is intense, emotional, and high-stakes, driving the narrative forward and revealing key aspects of the characters' personalities.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Harvey's sexist remarks and the pressure from the shareholders creating obstacles for Sue. The audience is left unsure of how she will handle the situation.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in the scene due to the characters' emotional turmoil, violent confrontation, and potential consequences for their relationships and future actions.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by revealing key information, deepening character dynamics, and setting up future conflicts and resolutions.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected interactions and power dynamics between the characters. The audience is kept on their toes wondering how Sue will navigate the situation.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The scene presents a conflict between Sue's personal values and the expectations placed on her as a woman in a corporate setting. Harvey's sexist remarks challenge Sue's beliefs about gender equality and professionalism.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact due to the characters' fear, guilt, and desperation, evoking strong reactions from the audience.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue enhances the tension and emotional impact of the scene, revealing the characters' inner thoughts and driving the conflict forward.

Engagement: 8

This scene is engaging because it captures the internal struggle and external challenges faced by the protagonist. The dialogue and actions keep the audience invested in Sue's journey.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene builds tension effectively, with moments of humor and drama interspersed to keep the audience engaged. The rhythm of the dialogue adds to the scene's impact.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene follows the expected format for a screenplay, with clear scene headings and dialogue formatting. The visual descriptions enhance the reader's understanding of the setting and characters.

Structure: 9

The scene follows a clear structure with a buildup of tension and conflict leading to a resolution. The pacing and rhythm enhance the effectiveness of the scene.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures Sue's anxiety and desperation as she navigates a high-pressure environment, but it could benefit from more internal monologue or visual cues to deepen the audience's understanding of her emotional state. For instance, showing her thoughts or flashbacks could enhance the tension.
  • The dialogue, particularly Harvey's lines, feels somewhat clichéd and could be more nuanced to reflect the power dynamics at play. Instead of simply urging Sue to smile, Harvey could make a more condescending remark that highlights his obliviousness to her distress.
  • The physical description of Sue's clenched fist and the tension in her body is a strong visual cue, but it could be expanded upon. Describing the sensation of her teeth in her fist or the pain it causes her could heighten the emotional stakes and make her struggle more visceral.
  • The introduction of the shareholders is effective in establishing the pressure Sue feels, but their characterization is lacking. Giving them distinct traits or reactions could make them feel more real and add to the scene's tension.
  • The transition from the tense interaction with Harvey to Sue's escape feels abrupt. A moment of hesitation or a lingering glance back at the shareholders could enhance the emotional weight of her departure.
Suggestions
  • Incorporate internal thoughts or flashbacks for Sue to provide insight into her emotional turmoil and heighten the tension of the scene.
  • Revise Harvey's dialogue to make it more condescending or oblivious, reflecting the power dynamics and adding depth to his character.
  • Expand on the physical sensations Sue experiences, particularly regarding her clenched fist and the pain from her teeth, to create a more visceral connection with the audience.
  • Develop the shareholders' characters by giving them distinct traits or reactions to make them feel more real and increase the scene's tension.
  • Add a moment of hesitation or a lingering glance from Sue before she escapes to enhance the emotional weight of her departure.



Scene 56 -  Behind the Smile
201 INT. NEW YEAR EVE / BATHROOM - DAY 201

Locks the door shut.

She puts her teeth down on the sink and exhales out deeply,
opening her mouth and letting a large quantity of blood gush
out and into the sink in the process...

She stands feverishly in front of the mirror...

She takes a tooth in between her two fingers... pours a few
drops of super glue on the root...

Shaky, she opens her mouth, lifts up her lip... approaches
her tooth to the naked gum... and pushes the root of the
tooth as deeply as she can into the gum... as deep as
possible... remains still for a few moments...

Takes her fingers away...

It sticks.

Outside, she can hear everyone excitedly looking for her.

ASSISTANT DIRECTOR - NYE SHOW (O.S.)
Sue? They’re waiting for you, we’re
running late!

She speeds up and does the same thing for the two other
teeth...and glues in her smile.

She rinses her mouth several times until all of the blood
disappears...

Smiles broadly in front of the mirror in order to make sure
we can't see any evidence of the carnage which just
occurred...



THE SUBSTANCE - May 3rd 2022 - 133 -
...sc 201


Takes a deep breath...

202A INT. WINDING CORRIDORS - DAY 202A

... and opens the door with a big smile as if nothing
happened.

She follows the assistant director into the corridor.

Everyone she sees throws words of encouragement at her.

ENCOURAGEMENT PERSON #1
Break a leg for tonight!

A spider passes fleetingly in her field of vision.

...

A SPIDER PASSES FLEETINGLY IN HER FIELD OF VISION?



?

???

As she continues to follow the assistant on set, she rubs her
eyes discretely... Fuck... no it's still there... This shit
is preventing her from seeing properly (she rubs her eye
which makes the thing move but part of its legs are still
there)

She continues to smile and pretend that everything's ok,
while a whole portion of her field of vision is darkened. The
assistant’s face seems to disappear into the spider’s
darkness.

It's just a motionless black shape which remains still in the
middle of her line of vision, but it's absolutely TERRIFYING.

202B INT. NYE SET - DAY 202B

She arrives on set. THE DOP and THE CAMERAMAN show her where
to hit her marks on the floor. They tell her to “look here”
or “look there” but she can't see anything with this fucking
spider in the way.

The cameras film her smile but inside her head, it's a
complete nightmare...

202C INT. WINDING CORRIDORS - JOUR 202C

As soon as the fine-tuning is over, Sue runs off the set to
the corridor...



THE SUBSTANCE - May 3rd 2022 - 134 -
...sc 203
Genres: ["Psychological Thriller","Horror","Drama"]

Summary In a tense bathroom scene, Sue locks herself in and desperately tries to fix her broken teeth with super glue, masking her trauma with a forced smile. As she prepares to leave, the assistant director calls for her, reminding her of the pressure to perform. Despite her internal chaos and the unsettling vision of a spider that adds to her anxiety, Sue emerges into the corridor, greeted by encouragement from others, yet she continues to hide her pain behind a facade of normalcy.
Strengths
  • Effective portrayal of tension and fear
  • Unique use of the spider as a visual element
  • Compelling character development
Weaknesses
  • Dialogue could be more impactful in certain moments

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively creates a sense of unease and tension through the protagonist's desperate actions and the presence of the spider. The use of the super glue for self-dentistry adds a disturbing element, and the contrast between Sue's external smile and internal nightmare is compelling.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of the scene, focusing on Sue's internal struggle and the external pressures she faces, is strong. The use of the spider as a metaphor for her inner turmoil adds depth to the narrative.

Plot: 8

The plot progression in the scene is driven by Sue's escalating anxiety and the external pressures she faces. The self-dentistry act adds a shocking twist to the narrative.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a unique and fresh approach to the theme of performance and sacrifice, with the use of blood and super glue adding a visceral and shocking element to the protagonist's actions.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters, especially Sue, are well-developed in this scene. Sue's internal conflict and external facade are effectively portrayed, adding layers to her character.

Character Changes: 8

Sue undergoes a significant change in the scene, from initial anxiety and desperation to a facade of confidence and then back to internal turmoil. This change adds depth to her character.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to hide the physical pain and discomfort she is experiencing in order to maintain her professional appearance and perform in the show. This reflects her fear of failure and desire to succeed in her career.

External Goal: 7.5

The protagonist's external goal is to successfully perform in the New Year's Eve show despite the obstacles she faces, such as the spider in her vision. This reflects the immediate challenge she must overcome to achieve her professional success.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict in the scene is primarily internal, as Sue grapples with her anxiety and the pressures she faces. The presence of the spider adds an external element of conflict.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist facing physical and emotional obstacles that challenge her ability to succeed in her performance.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in the scene as Sue grapples with her inner turmoil and the external pressures of the live event. The self-dentistry act adds a sense of urgency and danger.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by showcasing Sue's internal struggles and the external pressures she faces. The self-dentistry act adds a new layer to the narrative.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected challenges and obstacles the protagonist faces, such as the spider in her vision, which adds a sense of suspense and tension.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the protagonist's internal struggle between maintaining her professional facade and dealing with the physical discomfort she is experiencing. This challenges her beliefs about the sacrifices she must make for her career.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact due to the protagonist's desperation and fear. The self-dentistry act and the presence of the spider evoke strong emotions in the audience.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the tension and fear present, especially in Sue's interactions with others. However, the dialogue could be more impactful in certain moments.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense and suspenseful atmosphere, as well as the protagonist's compelling struggle to overcome obstacles and succeed in her performance.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the protagonist's struggle.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and easy to follow, with concise and impactful descriptions that enhance the visual storytelling.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear and coherent structure, building tension and conflict effectively to drive the narrative forward.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures Sue's desperation and the lengths she is willing to go to maintain her appearance, which is a strong reflection of her internal conflict. However, the transition from the violent confrontation to this moment feels abrupt. More context or emotional buildup could enhance the impact of her actions.
  • The use of super glue to reattach her teeth is a striking visual that emphasizes Sue's deteriorating mental state and physical condition. However, the scene could benefit from more sensory details to immerse the audience in the moment. Describing the texture of the glue, the taste of blood, or the sound of her heart racing could heighten the tension.
  • The dialogue from the Assistant Director is functional but lacks emotional weight. It serves as a reminder of the external pressures Sue faces, but it could be more impactful if it reflected the urgency and chaos of the situation. Consider adding a line that conveys the stakes of the New Year's Eve show more vividly.
  • The introduction of the spider as a visual motif is intriguing and adds a layer of psychological horror. However, it feels somewhat disconnected from the immediate action. More foreshadowing or a clearer connection to Sue's mental state could strengthen its significance and enhance the overall atmosphere.
  • The pacing of the scene is generally effective, but the transition from the bathroom to the corridor could be smoother. The abrupt shift might disorient the audience. Consider adding a brief moment of reflection or a thought from Sue as she leaves the bathroom to create a more cohesive flow.
Suggestions
  • Add more sensory details to immerse the audience in Sue's experience, such as the taste of blood or the feeling of the super glue on her teeth.
  • Enhance the dialogue from the Assistant Director to reflect the urgency and stakes of the New Year's Eve show, making it more emotionally resonant.
  • Consider foreshadowing the spider motif earlier in the scene or connecting it more explicitly to Sue's mental state to enhance its significance.
  • Smooth the transition from the bathroom to the corridor by including a moment of reflection or internal dialogue from Sue as she prepares to face the outside world.
  • Explore Sue's emotional state further by incorporating her thoughts or feelings about the violence she just experienced, adding depth to her character and the scene.



Scene 57 -  Fragmented Reflections
203 INT. ELEVATOR - DAY 203

...and slips into the elevator.

Once inside, she hits the lobby button repeatedly... and the
more she pushes the button nervously, the more she notices
that... one of her fingernails is less and less lined up with
her finger... the door closes, she pulls slightly on the
fingernail which comes straight off and remains in her
hand...(same thing for her two other nails)

She hears a little... splotch!

She looks down at the floor and sees... an ear...

A short beat, her eyes frozen, in shock, while staring down
at the ear on the floor...

Her ear...

She's falling apart and into pieces...

The elevator grinds to a halt. Ding. Second floor.

As the door moves and starts to open, she barely has time to
put her dress over the ear to hide it, while swinging her
hair over her shoulder in order to cover the gaping hole.

MAN ENTERING ELEVATOR
Ready for tonight ?

With the spider in her field of vision, she's unable to make
out who's talking to her... Her hearing is affected. Sounds
grow muffled. She can't understand anything of what THE
PERSON is saying...

Ding. First floor. The person leaves muttering something
completely incomprehensible. Ding. The door closes again. She
hurries to pick up her ear and stuffs it inside her handbag.

Ding. Ground floor.

204 OMITTED 204


205A EXT. STUDIO LOT ALLEY - DAY 205A

She hurries out of the building...

205B EXT. STREETS (SPIDER DEAMBULATION) - DAY 205B

...and starts to head back home, walking as best she can
through the streets between the pedestrians. The spider and
macular degeneration have evolved and now hide 80% of her
vision.



THE SUBSTANCE - May 3rd 2022 - 135 -
...sc 205C

205C INT. STAIRWELL - DAY 205C

SUE’S POV rushing up the stairs.

206 INT. APARTMENT / HALLWAY - DAY 206

Once back at her apartment...

207A INT. BATHROOM - DAY 207A

...she hurries to the bathroom, searching through the closet
until she finds... the small vial marked ACTIVATOR / matrix -
where there is a little of the fluorescent yellow fluid left.

She takes off her dress.

CLOSE UP ON THE SYRINGE THAT FILLS UP WITH THE LIQUID...

SUE
(muttering to herself)
I just need a better version of
myself...

Activator / single use / discard after use
...FILLS UP...

SUE (CONT’D)
Please give me a better version of
myself...

Activator / single use / discard after use
She tightens the tourniquet around her arm.

She sticks the needle into her arm.

Shaking, she injects the contents of the syringe.

A beat.

Which goes on.

Nothing. (Subjective POV: her view in the mirror is still
blocked by the huge spider in her field of vision)

SUE (CONT’D)
C’MON!!!!!

She closes her eyes and starts muttering a prayer.

SUE (CONT’D)
Please please please please...




THE SUBSTANCE - May 3rd 2022 - 136 -
...sc 207A


All of a sudden, FLUORESCENT YELLOW FILLS THE SCREEN AND THE
IMAGE SPLITS (as the camera drops to the floor)

She starts feeling the abdominal cramps.(she falls to the
floor)

Even more violent than the first time. Atrocious.
Excruciating. She feels like she’s dying. She screams.

Suction noises. The second pupil. The fluorescent tunnel.
Subliminal images of anarchic cellular division (everything
is stranger than before).

BLACK

207B A long silence. 207B

Then the sound starts to return, only muffled...

A slightly wheezy breath.

The image comes back gradually.

Flickering like the batting of eyelids...

AT LAST THE SPIDER HAS GONE.

Thank God...

Sue turns her head to one side and sees...

SUE lying on the floor unconscious on the white tiles.

Her translucent skin and her back split open.

It worked... Thank you God, thank you...

She approaches the sink... her vision is half blurry and it’s
difficult for her to focus...

And she then discovers in the mirror:

A MONSTROUS VISION... a being with a hybrid face, shapeless
and hideous... (chaotic cellular growth / body parts placed
haphazardly and in all the wrong places / teeth stuck in her
cheeks and in her cleavage)

The camera slowly tracks back... pulling behind her
shoulder... and discovering stuck on her back:

...AN OUTGROWTH OF ELISABETH’S FACE IN A FROZEN SCREAM, LIKE
EDWARD MUNCH'S PAINTING.

We hear the casting director’s voice that echoes in her head:




THE SUBSTANCE - May 3rd 2022 - 137 -
...sc 207A


CASTING DIRECTOR (V.O.)
Looks like everything sure is in
the right place this time...

ASSISTANT CASTING DIRECTOR (V.O.)
Please state your name/ age /
measurements.

SUE (V.O.)
I’m... I’m...

SUE (V.O.)
I’m...

She vomits a green liquid while at the same time she says:


MONSTROELISASUE
She wipes her mouth and turns her head from right to left as
she looks at herself in the mirror.

She's strangely calm...

As if this monstrous vision didn't scare her.

Almost fascinating her.

As if it pleased her.

As if she was TRULY seeing herself for the very first time,
and finally, accepting herself.
Genres: ["Horror","Sci-Fi","Drama"]

Summary In a tense and disturbing scene, Sue enters an elevator, nervously pressing the lobby button while experiencing a physical breakdown as her fingernails and ear fall off. She hides her injuries from a man who enters the elevator, but after he leaves, she retrieves her ear and conceals it in her handbag. Struggling with impaired vision, she returns to her apartment and injects herself with a fluorescent yellow fluid, leading to a painful transformation. When she regains consciousness, she sees a monstrous reflection in the mirror, including a grotesque hybrid face. Despite the horror of her appearance, she finds a strange sense of calm and acceptance.
Strengths
  • Innovative concept
  • Strong emotional impact
  • Compelling character development
  • Intense transformation sequence
Weaknesses
  • Graphic imagery
  • Disturbing themes

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9.2

The scene is highly impactful, combining elements of horror, transformation, and acceptance in a compelling way. The concept is innovative and executed with great intensity, leading to a memorable and emotionally charged moment.


Story Content

Concept: 9.5

The concept of seeking perfection through a transformative substance is intriguing and thought-provoking. The scene explores the dark side of this desire, highlighting the dangers of sacrificing one's identity for an idealized version of oneself.

Plot: 9

The plot of the scene is crucial in advancing the character's arc and exploring the consequences of her actions. It delves into themes of self-discovery and acceptance, driving the narrative forward with a sense of urgency and suspense.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on themes of self-acceptance and transformation, with a unique blend of medical experimentation and psychological horror. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and compelling.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters in the scene are well-developed, with Sue undergoing a significant transformation that challenges her perception of herself. The emotional depth and complexity of the characters add depth to the narrative and enhance the overall impact of the scene.

Character Changes: 9

Sue undergoes a significant character change in the scene, transitioning from a desperate seeker of perfection to a character who accepts her monstrous transformation. This change is pivotal to the narrative and reflects a deeper exploration of identity and self-acceptance.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to find acceptance and self-identity. She is seeking a better version of herself and is willing to undergo extreme measures to achieve it.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to hide her physical transformation from others and maintain a sense of normalcy in her life.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The scene is filled with internal and external conflicts, as Sue grapples with her desire for transformation and the horrifying consequences of her actions. The high stakes and intense conflict drive the narrative forward and create a sense of urgency.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, as the protagonist faces internal and external challenges that threaten her sense of self and identity.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in the scene, as Sue's decision to inject the substance leads to a horrifying transformation that challenges her identity and perception of self. The consequences of her actions are dire, adding tension and urgency to the narrative.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by advancing Sue's character arc and introducing a major plot development. The revelation of her transformation and acceptance of her new self propel the narrative towards a climactic resolution.

Unpredictability: 9

This scene is unpredictable due to its unexpected twists, graphic imagery, and the protagonist's drastic transformation, keeping the audience on edge.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict revolves around the themes of self-acceptance and the consequences of altering one's appearance through artificial means. It challenges the protagonist's beliefs about beauty and identity.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9.5

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking fear, shock, and fascination in the audience. The transformation of Sue and her acceptance of her new self elicit a strong emotional response, leaving a lasting impression on the viewer.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the characters' emotions and motivations, adding depth to their interactions. The internal monologue and prayers spoken by Sue enhance the tension and highlight her inner turmoil.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense emotional stakes, shocking revelations, and the protagonist's desperate struggle for self-acceptance.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, leading to a climactic moment of revelation and transformation.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene effectively conveys the visual and emotional elements, enhancing the reader's understanding of the protagonist's transformation.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a non-linear structure that enhances the suspense and reveals key information gradually, keeping the audience engaged.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension and horror through Sue's physical deterioration, which serves as a metaphor for her internal struggles. The imagery of her losing body parts is visceral and impactful, creating a strong emotional response from the audience.
  • The use of the elevator as a confined space heightens the sense of claustrophobia and urgency. However, the transition from the elevator to the street feels abrupt. A smoother transition could enhance the flow of the narrative.
  • The dialogue is minimal, which works well in this context, allowing the visuals and Sue's physical state to convey her emotional turmoil. However, adding a few internal thoughts or mutterings could deepen the audience's connection to her plight.
  • The introduction of the spider as a visual motif is intriguing, symbolizing her anxiety and distorted perception. However, it could be more clearly defined in its significance to enhance its impact. Is it a manifestation of her mental state or a literal hallucination?
  • The climax of the scene, where Sue injects herself with the fluorescent yellow fluid, is powerful but could benefit from more buildup. The stakes of this action should be clearer to the audience, emphasizing her desperation and the risks involved.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief internal monologue or voiceover from Sue as she experiences her physical decay. This could provide insight into her mental state and enhance the emotional weight of the scene.
  • To improve the transition from the elevator to the street, consider incorporating a moment of reflection or a brief interaction with a passerby that highlights her disorientation and fear.
  • Clarify the symbolism of the spider by providing a moment where Sue acknowledges it, either through a thought or a line of dialogue. This could help the audience understand its significance in relation to her mental health.
  • Enhance the buildup to the injection scene by showing Sue's hesitation or fear before taking the drastic step. This could involve her recalling past experiences or contemplating the consequences of her actions.
  • Consider using sound design to amplify the horror of the scene. The muffled sounds and the grinding of the elevator could be complemented by a haunting score that reflects Sue's emotional state.



Scene 58 -  Masquerade of Despair
208 INT. LIVING ROOM - EVENING 208

Facing her, through the picture window is the huge billboard:

NEW YEAR’S EVE SHOW
TONIGHT 9PM

Elisabeth lies dead on the living room floor.

Sue lies dead on the bathroom floor.

It's time.

209 INT. BEDROOM - NIGHT 209

MonstroElisaSue starts preparing herself and putting on her
beautiful dress as if everything were completely fine.




THE SUBSTANCE - May 3rd 2022 - 138 -
...sc 209


The zipper that she’s closing up covers Munch’s face on her
back that forms a hump under the fabric, the dress starts to
rip all over.

She slips her foot stumps into her shoes.

She wants to put her earrings on but... she doesn't have any
ears anymore.

She sticks the earrings directly into the sides of her head.

The few disheveled strands of hair that remain disintegrate
under the curling iron.

She has the exact same gestures of vanity as if everything
were normal which is even more weird and scary given her
completely monstrous appearance.

210 INT. LIVING ROOM - NIGHT 210

Back to Monstro who is standing, scissors in hand, facing the
huge frame with the photograph of her back in the days of her
old show: her blue leotard and dashing smile.

She gives it a kick to get rid of the last pieces of
remaining glass and cuts out the face on the poster...

211 INT. BATHROOM - NIGHT 211

...and sticks this paper face (with holes for the eyes) to
her monstrous face with super glue.

She then puts lipstick on top of it to emphasize her smile
while Harvey’s voice echoes in her head:

HARVEY (V.O.)
Pretty girls should always smile!

212A EXT. NIGHT STREET (GOING TO STUDIO) - NIGHT 212A

We follow her from behind as she crosses town like a ghostly
shadow, with her Elisabeth mask like a clown's mask covered
in red lipstick.

212B EXT. NIGHT STREET (GOING TO STUDIO) - NIGHT 212B

Still on Monstro’s back as she walks.

213A OMITTED 213A




THE SUBSTANCE - May 3rd 2022 - 139 -
...sc 213B

213B EXT. STUDIO LOT ALLEY / STUDIO DOOR - NIGHT 213B

We follow her from behind as she arrives in front of the
studio door.

She swipes her badge over the screen that unlocks the door
and finds herself standing face to face with the assistant
director...

ASSISTANT DIRECTOR - NYE SHOW
Ah, at last! We were starting to
worry... hurry up, you're up in
five!

214A INT. NYE STUDIO / HALLWAY THAT LEADS TO THE SET - NIGHT 214A

He leads the way in towards the set as if nothing were
wrong...

MonstroElisaSue walks past the staff and CREW MEMBERS who
greet her with a broad smile: "AAAAAH THERE SHE IS! SO
BEAUTIFUL!", "We love you!", "This is where you belong and
you'll always belong here!", « We can’t do without you » We
could never do without you!» "You're irreplaceable!"

She smiles, dazed with her cut out face glued on and her
teeth stuck all over the place.

Her eyes are filled with tears, moved by so much love.

All of a sudden a loud BEEP rings out...
Genres: ["Drama","Horror","Psychological"]

Summary On New Year's Eve, MonstroElisaSue prepares for a show amidst the grim backdrop of two dead bodies. Struggling with her monstrous appearance, she dons a dress that barely fits and applies a paper face and lipstick to mask her true self. As she walks through the night, she is perceived as a ghostly figure, haunted by her internal conflict. Upon arriving at the studio, she receives heartfelt admiration from the crew, contrasting her feelings of inadequacy. The scene culminates with a loud beep, marking a shift as she stands on the brink of her performance.
Strengths
  • Powerful emotional impact
  • Compelling character development
  • Surreal and disturbing transformation
  • Tension-building plot progression
Weaknesses
  • Potentially unsettling and graphic imagery
  • Complex themes may require audience reflection

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9.2

The scene is highly impactful due to its dark and disturbing tone, the intense emotions portrayed by the characters, and the surreal transformation of MonstroElisaSue. The unique and innovative elements, such as the use of super glue to attach a paper face, add to the scene's overall effectiveness.


Story Content

Concept: 9.3

The concept of MonstroElisaSue's transformation and her struggle to maintain a facade of normalcy despite her monstrous appearance is compelling and adds depth to the character. The use of super glue to attach a paper face is a unique and innovative concept that enhances the scene.

Plot: 9

The plot of the scene revolves around MonstroElisaSue's preparation for a live show while dealing with her monstrous transformation. The plot progression is engaging, with the tension escalating as MonstroElisaSue struggles to maintain her composure.

Originality: 9

The scene is highly original in its depiction of a character grappling with physical deformities and societal expectations. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9.2

The characters in the scene, especially MonstroElisaSue, are well-developed and undergo significant changes. MonstroElisaSue's acceptance of her monstrous appearance showcases a complex and compelling character arc.

Character Changes: 9

MonstroElisaSue undergoes a significant character change in the scene as she accepts her monstrous appearance and prepares to face the world despite her inner turmoil. This transformation adds depth to the character and drives the emotional core of the scene.

Internal Goal: 8

MonstroElisaSue's internal goal in this scene is to maintain a sense of normalcy and vanity despite her monstrous appearance. This reflects her deeper need for acceptance and belonging, as well as her fear of rejection and isolation.

External Goal: 7

MonstroElisaSue's external goal is to prepare for the New Year's Eve show and maintain her appearance despite her physical deformities. This reflects the immediate challenge she faces in presenting herself to the public.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8.8

The conflict in the scene arises from MonstroElisaSue's internal struggle to accept her monstrous appearance while preparing for a live show. The tension is heightened by the surreal and disturbing elements of the transformation.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with MonstroElisaSue facing internal and external challenges that create uncertainty and tension for the audience.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in the scene as MonstroElisaSue must confront her monstrous appearance and maintain her composure for the live show. The pressure to hide her true self adds a sense of urgency and importance to the events unfolding.

Story Forward: 9

The scene effectively moves the story forward by showcasing MonstroElisaSue's transformation and setting the stage for the live show. The progression of events builds tension and suspense, leading to a climactic moment of acceptance and self-realization.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists in MonstroElisaSue's actions and the surreal elements introduced throughout the scene.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the idea of beauty and acceptance. MonstroElisaSue's actions challenge societal norms of beauty and perfection, forcing the audience to question their own beliefs and values.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9.5

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking feelings of fear, desperation, and acceptance in the audience. The intense emotions portrayed by the characters, especially MonstroElisaSue, resonate strongly with the viewer.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the emotions and inner turmoil of the characters, particularly MonstroElisaSue. The lines spoken by Harvey in the voiceover add to the unsettling atmosphere of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its blend of suspense, dark humor, and emotional depth. The audience is drawn into MonstroElisaSue's struggle and the impending New Year's Eve show.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension and suspense as MonstroElisaSue prepares for the show.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with proper scene headings, descriptions, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear transitions between locations and a progression of events leading towards the climax.


Critique
  • The juxtaposition of the festive billboard and the grim reality of the dead bodies sets a powerful tone, highlighting the contrast between the superficiality of the entertainment industry and the harsh truth of personal decay. This thematic element is compelling and resonates with the overall narrative.
  • MonstroElisaSue's preparation for the show, despite her monstrous appearance, effectively conveys her denial and desperation to maintain her former identity. This internal conflict is palpable and adds depth to her character, showcasing the lengths she will go to for acceptance and validation.
  • The use of super glue to attach the paper face to her own is a striking visual metaphor for the lengths to which people go to mask their true selves. It emphasizes the theme of identity and the grotesque nature of trying to conform to societal standards of beauty, which is a strong commentary on the pressures faced by women in the entertainment industry.
  • The dialogue, particularly Harvey's voiceover, reinforces the societal expectation for women to smile and present themselves as beautiful, even in the face of horror. This adds a layer of irony and critique to the scene, making it more impactful.
  • The emotional tone shifts from horror to a surreal acceptance, which is intriguing but could benefit from a clearer transition. The audience may need more insight into MonstroElisaSue's emotional state to fully grasp her acceptance of her monstrous form.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief internal monologue or visual flashback that reveals MonstroElisaSue's thoughts as she prepares for the show. This could provide deeper insight into her emotional turmoil and enhance the audience's connection to her character.
  • Explore the reactions of the crew members in more detail. Their enthusiastic responses could be contrasted with MonstroElisaSue's internal horror, creating a more pronounced tension between her perception of reality and the facade she presents.
  • Incorporate more sensory details to enhance the atmosphere. Describing the sounds, smells, and textures of the environment could immerse the audience further into MonstroElisaSue's experience and heighten the emotional stakes.
  • Consider revising the ending of the scene to build suspense. Instead of a loud beep, perhaps a more subtle sound could foreshadow the chaos to come, leaving the audience with a sense of impending doom as MonstroElisaSue steps onto the stage.
  • Ensure that the visual elements, such as the ripping dress and the disintegrating hair, are described in a way that emphasizes their grotesqueness. This will reinforce the horror of her transformation and the tragic nature of her situation.



Scene 59 -  New Year's Eve Nightmare
214B EXT. STUDIO LOT ALLEY / STUDIO DOOR - NIGHT 214B

...Bursting this completely fictitious bubble she just
invented.

She's still standing in front of the studio door. Her badge
has just opened the secure door.

In front of her: the long empty corridor that leads to the
set...

CUT TO:

215 INT. NEW YEAR EVE STAGE - NIGHT 215

ON STAGE - LAST MOMENTS BEFORE GOING ON AIR

The group of dancers is ready on stage, awaiting her.

Harvey and the shareholders in front row seats, their eyes
gleaming with excitement and expectation.




THE SUBSTANCE - May 3rd 2022 - 140 -
...sc 215


HARVEY
(proud, to the men)
You won’t be disappointed. She’s my
most beautiful creation. I shaped
her for success!

Friendly pat on the shoulder in return: Atta boy...

The live countdown starts... 5....4...3...

A figure backlit by the violent stage lights walks onto the
soundstage.

2...

The figure comes to take her place in the middle of the sexy
dancers.

1...

A buzz of whispers rise up... and freeze...

LIGHTS. CAMERA/ON AIR.

LIVE.

Great silence.

Monstroelisasue on the stage in the middle of the dancers.

The sound of a fly buzzing through the room.

The cameramen remain completely still.

Just like the little red dot of light.

Just like the audience.

Just like Harvey and his clique.

The dancers with feathers sticking out of their asses placed
around Monstroelisasue haven’t moved an inch; they glance at
each other, not knowing what to do.

Monstroelisasue, her shapeless body, her cut out paper face
with the red lipstick smile drawn on top of it.

The mike lets out a feedback noise.

A silent wave of shudders passes through the room.

MonstroElisaSue tries not to let herself be disconcerted and
talks into the microphone as if everything were normal: (tap
tap on the microphone with her mush finger)




THE SUBSTANCE - May 3rd 2022 - 141 -
...sc 215


MONSTROELISASUE
I AM FO HAPPFY TO BE WIFF YOU
TOFIGHT... I’FE MIFFED YOU FO
MUFCH...

Her ridiculous half stuck on mask detaches itself...
revealing her monstrous face.

A beat.

Thrrrup - a breast sticks out of the monster’s eye socket and
starts swinging at the end of the optic nerve...

...

The shrill, high-pitched scream of a WOMAN (WOMAN#1) suddenly
interrupts this suspended moment...and right then... ALL HELL
breaks loose.

COMPLETE PANIC INSIDE THE ROOM

MAN 1
THE MONSTER!!!

MAN 2
SHOOT THE MONSTER!!!

MAN 3
IT'S A FREAK!!!

A MOTHER hides her DAUGHTER’S eyes (she’s wearing the same
mini-dress as Monstro)

The music starts up automatically and the dancers look at
each other in panic, not knowing what to do... some start to
take a few steps... while others make the most of this moment
of confusion to run away, rushing off the set.

MonstroElisaSue looks around her and starts to panic as
people’s screams grow louder and louder in the room.

MONSTROELISASUE
FDON’T BE FCARED... LET ME
EXPFLAIN...

She tries to stop people from running but they break away
while insulting her:

WOMAN #3
FREAK!

MAN#4
YOU FREAK!




THE SUBSTANCE - May 3rd 2022 - 142 -
...sc 215


MONSTROELISASUE
IT'F ME...IT'F FTILL ME... I'M FE
FSAME....(Elisabeth’s face,
embedded in the monster’s back is
speaking at the same time)

SOMEONE pushes past her and makes her fall over violently.

A spotlight turns on and shines down on her. She shades her
face and eyes with her hands to prevent the blinding light
from burning her eyes and dazzling her...

ELISABETH
IT'F ME! FUE! ELIFABEFF!…

IT'F ME!

ME !
She gets up and tries to pick up the microphone but her hand
remains glued to it and CRACK detaches itself from her wrist!

Everyone is sprayed with the blood now gushing out of her arm
stump, like a snow canon.

More horrified screams rise up.

She sprays blood in every direction, like a lawn hose, while
spinning around in her princess dress.

SPLASH ON HARVEY!

SPLASH ON THE SHAREHOLDERS!

SPLASH ON THE LITTLE GIRL!

New burst of terrified screams.

HARVEY
(to the infuriated
shareholders who mime
slitting their throats to
say:”you’re done”)
Let me explain!!

MONSTROELISASUE
(to the public)
LETF ME EFPLAI-

BAM! SOMEONE KNOCKS HER OVER THE HEAD WITH THE MIC STAND.

MonstroElisaSue’s head is half destroyed. A new head - a mix
of Sue and Elisabeth is sticking out of the gaping hole. She
leaves the set to escape the crowd’s fury.




THE SUBSTANCE - May 3rd 2022 - 143 -
...sc 216

216 INT. BACKSTAGE CORRIDOR - NIGHT 216

She runs through the corridor, the famous corridor, where she
leaves an immense trail of blood, spraying the walls as she
passes.

Complete carnage.
Genres: ["Horror","Thriller","Drama"]

Summary As MonstroElisaSue steps onto the New Year's Eve stage, the audience's initial excitement quickly turns to horror due to her grotesque appearance. Despite her attempts to calm the crowd, panic ensues, leading to chaos as audience members and dancers flee in terror. Harvey, proud of his creation, becomes desperate as the situation spirals out of control. The scene culminates in a violent confrontation where MonstroElisaSue is attacked and injured, resulting in bloodshed and confusion. Ultimately, she is forced to flee the stage, leaving chaos in her wake.
Strengths
  • Intense emotional impact
  • Effective horror elements
  • Strong character development
  • High stakes and tension
Weaknesses
  • Graphic violence
  • Disturbing imagery
  • Complex themes

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9.2

The scene is highly impactful, effectively blending horror, thriller, and drama elements to create a tense and shocking sequence. The intense emotions, violent actions, and unexpected twists contribute to a high rating.


Story Content

Concept: 9.5

The concept of a character transforming into a monstrous entity during a live TV show, leading to a violent confrontation, is unique and engaging. The blend of horror, thriller, and drama elements adds depth and complexity to the scene.

Plot: 9

The plot of the scene is intense and gripping, with a clear progression from the setup of the live TV show to the shocking transformation and violent confrontation. The high stakes and emotional impact drive the narrative forward effectively.

Originality: 9

The scene is highly original in its depiction of a disastrous performance on stage, combining elements of body horror, satire, and psychological drama. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and unpredictable.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters in the scene, particularly MonstroElisaSue, are well-developed and undergo significant changes. The conflict between the characters adds depth and tension to the scene, enhancing the overall impact.

Character Changes: 9

The characters undergo significant changes during the scene, particularly MonstroElisaSue, who transforms into a monstrous entity. The emotional and physical transformations add depth and complexity to the character arcs.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to maintain composure and explain herself despite the chaotic and horrifying situation unfolding on stage. This reflects her desire for acceptance and understanding, as well as her fear of rejection and humiliation.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to perform successfully on stage and impress the audience and stakeholders. This goal reflects the immediate challenge of facing a live audience and the pressure to deliver a flawless performance.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9.5

The level of conflict in the scene is high, with intense physical and emotional confrontations between the characters. The chaos, violence, and desperation contribute to a sense of urgency and danger.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the audience and characters reacting negatively to the protagonist's transformation, creating a sense of conflict and danger.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes in the scene are high, with the characters facing physical danger, emotional turmoil, and existential threats. The intense conflict, violence, and chaos raise the stakes and create a sense of urgency and danger.

Story Forward: 9

The scene effectively moves the story forward, introducing new conflicts, revelations, and developments. The shocking events and dramatic twists propel the narrative towards a climactic resolution.

Unpredictability: 9

This scene is unpredictable due to the sudden shift from a performance to a horror show, the unexpected reveal of the protagonist's true identity, and the chaotic reactions of the characters.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the superficiality of show business and the true identity of the protagonist. It challenges the protagonist's beliefs about fame, success, and self-acceptance.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9.2

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking fear, shock, and horror in the audience. The intense emotions, violent actions, and dramatic twists create a sense of unease and tension throughout.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the characters' emotions, motivations, and conflicts. The lines spoken during the live TV show and the chaotic confrontation enhance the tension and drama of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense and unpredictable events, the vivid imagery, and the emotional impact of the protagonist's transformation.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and suspense, with a gradual buildup to the shocking reveal and a rapid escalation of chaos.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and easy to follow, with concise descriptions and effective use of dialogue and action lines.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows a traditional format for a dramatic climax, with a buildup of tension, a shocking revelation, and a chaotic resolution.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the chaos and horror of MonstroElisaSue's transformation and the audience's reaction to it. The juxtaposition of the festive New Year's Eve atmosphere with the grotesque reality of MonstroElisaSue creates a powerful contrast that heightens the emotional impact.
  • The use of physical comedy, such as the absurdity of MonstroElisaSue's paper face and the detachment of her body parts, adds a layer of dark humor that can resonate with the audience. However, the balance between horror and humor needs careful handling to avoid undermining the tension.
  • The dialogue, particularly MonstroElisaSue's attempts to communicate, is both tragic and comical, reflecting her desperation. However, the phonetic spelling of her speech can be distracting and may take the reader out of the moment. It might be more effective to convey her struggle through her actions and expressions rather than relying heavily on phonetic spelling.
  • The pacing of the scene is frenetic, which works well for the chaos unfolding. However, there are moments where the action could benefit from brief pauses to allow the audience to absorb the horror of the situation before moving on to the next chaotic event.
  • The imagery of blood spraying and the visceral reactions of the audience are striking, but the scene risks becoming overly graphic. While horror is a key element, consider the emotional weight of the moment and whether all the graphic details serve the story or detract from it.
Suggestions
  • Consider simplifying MonstroElisaSue's dialogue to make it more impactful. Instead of phonetic spelling, focus on her body language and facial expressions to convey her emotional state.
  • Introduce a moment of silence or stillness amidst the chaos to heighten the tension before the panic ensues. This could allow the audience to fully grasp the horror of MonstroElisaSue's appearance.
  • Explore the reactions of the audience and dancers in more depth. Instead of just screaming, consider showing a range of emotions, such as shock, confusion, or even sympathy, to create a more nuanced response to MonstroElisaSue's transformation.
  • Evaluate the balance between horror and humor. While dark humor can be effective, ensure that it does not undermine the gravity of the situation. Consider whether certain comedic elements can be toned down or reworked to maintain the scene's tension.
  • Consider the implications of MonstroElisaSue's transformation on her character arc. This moment should serve as a climax for her journey, so ensure that it resonates with her previous struggles and the themes of identity and acceptance.



Scene 60 -  The Agony of Triumph
217 EXT. STUDIO LOT ALLEY - NIGHT 217

She runs outside in agony...

218A EXT. NIGHT STREET 1 - NIGHT 218A

...wheezing more and more as she rushes into the street in a
panic.

She's scared and she wants to be left alone.

She's trying to get somewhere. We can tell she knows where
she's heading.

218B EXT. NIGHT STREET 2 - NIGHT 218B

She runs through the streets as fast as she can.

Her legs dislocate and collapse underneath her.

SPLASH ! The billboards get splattered with blood as she
crumples to the floor.

She tries to get up. But her body no longer really has a
human form and she has neither legs nor arms to get up as her
body dislocates more and more into a bloody magma mass:


MUSHOFMONSTROELIZASUE
She continues to drag herself along the sidewalk, desperately
wanting to get somewhere...

Her breathing is more and more wheezy, but she doesn't give
up; she continues to drag her bloody blob along the sidewalk
giving everything she has to give to keep on going...

CUT TO:

219 EXT. WALK OF FAME SIDEWALK - NIGHT AND DAY 219

STATIC HIGH ANGLE TOP SHOT on the pink star on top of the
grey slabs upon which we can read:

ELIZABETH SPARKLE


THE SUBSTANCE - May 3rd 2022 - 144 -
...sc 219


A long silent beat on the star, which seems like a moment of
peace in comparison to the previous images of carnage.

We then see a piece of flesh crawling into the corner of the
frame trying to drag itself over to the star.

In agony, MushofMonstroElisaSue, puts her last efforts into
heaving what remains of her body onto the middle of the star.

She winds up in the middle of the star, looking up at the sky
which grows more and more dazzling as if spotlights were
shining right down on her.

Gold confetti starts to fall from the sky upon her like a
golden rain shower...

Noises of the street and cars muffled little by little, turn
into the sound of applause and grandiloquent music.

MushofMonstroElisaSue watches the confetti fall down on her
monstrous face like in a dream, as if everything were
disappearing around her and she were alone in the world
inside this golden rain.

We can sense that she is utterly happy, as though she were
thoroughly experiencing her moment of accomplishment and
glory as mush on the sidewalk...

The confetti continues to fall as she dissolves more and
more...


PUDDLEOFMONSTROELIZASUE
...is overwhelmed by the sound of applause... and dissolves
even more until there's now only a large, bloody stain...

Which looks a lot like the splattered ketchup from the
beginning.

A beat.

We hear a roaring sound, which grows louder and louder... as
day breaks...

And a large street cleaning machine with black rotary brushes
glides across the frame, its soapy mouth wiping clean the
traces of blood on the pavement...

BLACK - over which the music from THE TRASH VERSION OF THE
WORLD IS A VAMPIRE BLARES LOUDLY.



THE END
THE SUBSTANCE - May 3rd 2022 - 145 -
Genres: ["Horror","Drama","Fantasy"]

Summary In a surreal and agonizing scene, MushofMonstroElisaSue desperately runs through the streets, her body dislocating and transforming into a grotesque mass. Despite her horrific condition, she manages to reach a star on the Walk of Fame, where she is met with falling gold confetti and applause, creating a moment of triumph. However, this victory is short-lived as she ultimately dissolves into a bloody stain on the sidewalk, which is later cleaned away by a street machine as day breaks.
Strengths
  • Emotional impact
  • Visual storytelling
  • Symbolism
  • Character transformation
  • Atmosphere
Weaknesses
  • Minimal dialogue
  • Graphic imagery
  • Surreal elements

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9.2

The scene is highly impactful and emotionally charged, with a strong focus on the character's transformation and acceptance. The blend of horror, drama, and fantasy elements creates a unique and memorable experience for the audience.


Story Content

Concept: 9.5

The concept of the scene, focusing on a character's transformation into a monstrous form and eventual acceptance, is innovative and engaging. The blend of horror, drama, and fantasy elements adds depth and complexity to the narrative.

Plot: 8.5

The plot of the scene revolves around the character's transformation and acceptance, with a clear progression from agony and fear to happiness and acceptance. The high stakes and emotional impact drive the narrative forward effectively.

Originality: 9

The level of originality in this scene is high, with unique situations, fresh approaches to familiar themes, and authentic character actions and dialogue. The scene stands out for its imaginative and thought-provoking content.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters in the scene, particularly MonstroElisaSue, are well-developed and undergo significant changes throughout. Their emotional journey and transformation add depth and complexity to the narrative.

Character Changes: 9

The character undergoes significant changes throughout the scene, transitioning from agony and fear to happiness and acceptance. Their transformation is central to the narrative and drives the emotional impact of the scene.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to reach a sense of accomplishment and glory despite her monstrous appearance and physical disintegration. This reflects her deeper need for validation, acceptance, and fulfillment.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to physically reach the star on the Walk of Fame and experience a moment of glory and accomplishment. This reflects the immediate challenge she is facing in her disintegrating state.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict in the scene is primarily internal, as the character struggles with their transformation and eventual acceptance. The emotional and psychological conflict drives the narrative forward and adds depth to the character's journey.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in this scene is strong, with the protagonist facing physical and emotional challenges that test her resolve and determination. The audience is kept on edge and unsure of the outcome.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes in the scene are high, as the character's transformation and acceptance have significant consequences for their identity and future. The emotional and psychological stakes drive the narrative forward and add tension to the scene.

Story Forward: 8

The scene effectively moves the story forward by showcasing the character's transformation and acceptance. The narrative progression is clear and engaging, leading to a climactic moment of glory and resolution.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of its surreal and dreamlike elements, unexpected twists, and emotional surprises. The audience is kept on their toes and unsure of what will happen next.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the juxtaposition of external validation and internal fulfillment. The protagonist seeks external recognition and validation through reaching the star on the Walk of Fame, but ultimately finds internal peace and happiness in her own sense of accomplishment.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9.5

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking feelings of agony, fear, happiness, and acceptance in the audience. The character's transformation and emotional journey resonate strongly with viewers, creating a memorable and powerful experience.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue in the scene is minimal but impactful, conveying the character's emotions and inner turmoil effectively. The use of silence and visual storytelling enhances the overall atmosphere.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its emotional depth, vivid imagery, and thematic complexity. The audience is drawn into the protagonist's journey and experiences a range of emotions throughout the scene.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by creating a sense of tension, suspense, and emotional resonance. The rhythm of the scene enhances the impact of the protagonist's journey and the resolution of her story.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings, descriptions, and dialogue. The visual elements are well-crafted and enhance the overall impact of the scene.

Structure: 8

The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre, with a clear progression of events, emotional beats, and thematic development. The pacing and rhythm contribute to its effectiveness.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the grotesque transformation of MushofMonstroElisaSue, emphasizing her physical deterioration and emotional turmoil. The imagery of her dislocating body and the blood splattering on the billboards creates a visceral impact that aligns with the horror genre. However, the transition from her chaotic escape to the serene moment on the Walk of Fame feels abrupt. The contrast between the chaos and the calm could be more gradual to enhance the emotional weight of her final moments.
  • The use of gold confetti and applause as she reaches the star is a powerful visual metaphor for her desire for recognition and acceptance, even in her monstrous state. However, the juxtaposition of her grotesque form with the celebratory elements may confuse the audience. Clarifying her emotional state during this moment—whether she feels joy, despair, or a mix of both—could deepen the audience's connection to her character.
  • The ending, where she dissolves into a bloody stain reminiscent of ketchup, is a striking visual that ties back to the beginning of the screenplay. However, the transition from her moment of glory to her dissolution could benefit from more emotional resonance. Exploring her thoughts or feelings in this moment could provide a more profound commentary on the nature of fame and self-worth.
  • The pacing of the scene is generally effective, but the shift from her struggle to the moment of peace could be better articulated. The audience may need more context or internal monologue to fully grasp the significance of her actions and the symbolism of the star. This could help bridge the gap between her physical struggle and her emotional resolution.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief internal monologue or flashback as she drags herself towards the star, reflecting on her past achievements and failures. This could provide context for her emotional state and enhance the audience's understanding of her motivations.
  • Explore the sensory details of her surroundings more deeply during her struggle. Describing the sounds, smells, and sights could heighten the tension and immerse the audience in her experience.
  • Clarify the emotional tone during the confetti scene. Is she feeling triumphant, resigned, or a mix of emotions? Providing insight into her thoughts could make this moment more impactful.
  • Consider extending the moment of peace on the star before she dissolves. Allowing the audience to linger in this moment could amplify the tragedy of her fate and create a more poignant conclusion.
  • Ensure that the transition from chaos to calm is smooth. Perhaps include a moment where she reflects on her journey or acknowledges her monstrous form before the applause begins, creating a more cohesive narrative flow.