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Scene 1 -  Introduction to Darkness
Executive Producer: Chris Brancato
Executive Producer: Eric Newman
Executive Producer: Jose Padilha


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"Descenso"
Episode #101

Written by
Chris Brancato

Directed by
Jose Padilha




May 13, 2014



Cold Mountain Productions
Grand Electric
Note to the reader:

The assumption is that you've seen our director Jose Padilha's
"Elite Squad" films and that it has painted a picture for
you of what a modernist and masculine Latin American cinematic
approach feels like: urgent, complex, fast-paced, hard-hitting
and epic. And since you get it, you will also get that the
voice over you are about to read should not be experienced
like anything typical to Hollywood. The level at which the
images will confront you visually while Murphy's voice is in
your head are the full journey that guides you through this
descent from the birth of narco-trafficking into the darkness
of what men will do to WIN.
FADE UP ON:
Genres: ["Crime","Drama","Thriller"]

Summary The opening scene of 'Descenso' sets a modernist and masculine tone for the series, exploring the rise of narco-trafficking in Latin America. Through a compelling voice-over, it hints at the dark journey and moral complexities faced by men in this world. The intense and foreboding atmosphere foreshadows the ethical dilemmas to come, establishing a serious mood as the narrative prepares to delve into themes of power and morality.
Strengths
  • Strong tone setting
  • Engaging voiceover
  • Intriguing concept
Weaknesses
  • Lack of specific character introduction
  • Limited plot development

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene sets a strong tone and introduces the audience to the intense and complex world of narco-trafficking. The unique voiceover style and cinematic approach create a sense of urgency and intrigue.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of exploring the origins of narco-trafficking and the descent into darkness is intriguing and sets up a strong foundation for the series. The scene effectively establishes the tone and themes of the show.

Plot: 7

While the plot is not heavily developed in this scene, it effectively sets up the overarching theme of the series and introduces the audience to the world they will be exploring. The scene serves as a strong opening to the story.

Originality: 9

The level of originality in this scene is high due to its fresh approach to exploring the darkness of narco-trafficking and the moral complexities of the protagonist's environment. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 6

There are no specific characters introduced in this scene, but the voiceover by Murphy sets the stage for the characters and their motivations that will be explored throughout the series.

Character Changes: 5

There are no specific character changes in this scene, but the introduction to the world of narco-trafficking sets the stage for potential character development and transformation throughout the series.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is likely to confront the darkness within himself and the world around him. It reflects his deeper need to understand and navigate the moral complexities of his environment.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to navigate the dangerous world of narco-trafficking and come out on top. It reflects the immediate circumstances and challenges he is facing in this dark and complex environment.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

While there is no specific conflict in this scene, the underlying tension and darkness of the subject matter create a sense of conflict that will drive the series forward.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in this scene is strong, as the protagonist must navigate the dangerous world of narco-trafficking while facing moral dilemmas and challenges.

High Stakes: 7

The high stakes of narco-trafficking and the descent into darkness are established in this scene, setting up the dangerous and intense world the characters will navigate. The scene creates a sense of urgency and importance.

Story Forward: 8

The scene effectively sets up the overarching theme and direction of the series, moving the story forward by introducing the audience to the world they will be exploring. It lays a strong foundation for the narrative to unfold.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because it introduces the audience to the dark and complex world of narco-trafficking, leaving them unsure of what will happen next.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is likely the struggle between morality and survival. The protagonist must navigate the darkness of narco-trafficking while maintaining his moral compass.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene has a moderate emotional impact, setting a dark and intense tone for the series. The exploration of narco-trafficking origins and the descent into darkness evoke a sense of unease and intrigue.

Dialogue: 8

The voiceover dialogue by Murphy is engaging and sets a strong tone for the series. It effectively conveys the urgency and complexity of the world of narco-trafficking.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it immerses the audience in the urgent and complex world of narco-trafficking while setting up the protagonist's internal and external goals.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by creating a sense of urgency and tension that immerses the audience in the world of narco-trafficking.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre by clearly presenting the scene direction and dialogue in a visually confrontational and epic manner.

Structure: 8

The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre by setting up the tone and atmosphere of the narrative while introducing the protagonist's internal and external goals.


Critique
  • The opening note to the reader effectively sets the tone for the series, establishing expectations for the audience regarding the visual and narrative style. However, it could benefit from a more concise summary of the thematic elements that will be explored throughout the series, such as the moral ambiguity of the characters and the socio-political context of narco-trafficking.
  • The scene's title card and credits are presented in a straightforward manner, but they could be visually stylized to match the urgent and complex tone described in the note. Consider using a more dynamic font or incorporating visual elements that reflect the themes of the series, such as imagery related to the drug trade or Latin American culture.
  • The voice-over introduces Murphy's perspective, but it lacks a strong hook that immediately engages the audience. A more compelling opening line could draw viewers in and set the stakes for the narrative. For example, starting with a provocative statement about the consequences of narco-trafficking could create immediate intrigue.
  • While the note emphasizes the modernist and masculine approach, the scene itself does not yet showcase this stylistic choice. The visual presentation should reflect the urgency and complexity mentioned, perhaps through rapid cuts, dynamic camera movements, or striking imagery that captures the chaotic nature of the drug trade.
  • The scene's pacing is crucial for maintaining audience engagement. As it stands, the transition from the note to the scene feels abrupt. Consider incorporating a brief visual montage or sound design that builds anticipation before the scene begins, allowing the audience to mentally prepare for the narrative shift.
Suggestions
  • Revise the opening voice-over to include a more gripping hook that immediately captures the audience's attention and sets the tone for the series.
  • Enhance the visual presentation of the title card and credits to align with the modernist and masculine themes, possibly incorporating relevant imagery or a stylized font.
  • Consider adding a brief visual montage or sound design element before the scene begins to create a smoother transition and build anticipation for the narrative.
  • Incorporate dynamic camera movements and editing techniques that reflect the urgency and complexity of the story, ensuring that the visual style matches the thematic elements outlined in the note.
  • Provide a more concise summary of the thematic elements in the note to give the audience a clearer understanding of the narrative's direction and stakes.



Scene 2 -  Operation Centra Spike: Aerial Tension
EXT. ANDES MOUNTAIN RANGE - AERIAL VIEW - TWILIGHT

CAMERA SWOOPS over lush inland jungles, snow-capped volcanoes,
lush valleys, and alpine lakes.

OPERATOR #1 (O.S.)
Centra Spike is a go, we've reached
twenty thousand feet.

A small BEECHCRAFT AIRPLANE flies into FRAME.

OPERATOR #2 (O.S.)
Commencing intercept operations, we
are at zero-four-two-nine.

OPERATOR #1 (O.S.)
Encryption units, stand-by. Let's
crawl into some heads.
Genres: ["Crime","Thriller","Drama"]

Summary As twilight descends over the breathtaking Andes Mountain Range, two operators aboard a Beechcraft airplane confirm the successful altitude of twenty thousand feet for their covert mission, 'Centra Spike.' They prepare to initiate intercept operations, emphasizing the urgency and seriousness of their task amidst the stunning yet intimidating landscape. The scene captures the tension of executing a high-stakes operation in a potentially perilous environment, setting the stage for the unfolding action.
Strengths
  • Effective tone setting
  • Compelling concept
  • Strong plot progression
Weaknesses
  • Limited character development
  • Minimal emotional impact

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively establishes the tone and urgency of the narrative, drawing viewers in with its intense atmosphere and setting.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of the scene is compelling, introducing the audience to the world of narco-trafficking and setting up the central conflict of the series.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene is engaging, setting up a high-stakes intercept operation that will drive the narrative forward.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh approach to the spy thriller genre by combining high-tech surveillance with the natural beauty of the Andes Mountain Range. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and grounded in the setting.


Character Development

Characters: 7

While the characters are not deeply developed in this scene, they serve their purpose in advancing the plot and establishing the tone of the series.

Character Changes: 6

There is minimal character development in this scene, but the high-stakes situation sets the stage for potential growth and change in the characters.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to successfully execute the intercept operations and gather valuable information. This reflects their desire for competence, control, and possibly a sense of duty or responsibility.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to intercept and gather intelligence on a target, which reflects the immediate challenge they are facing in the scene.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The scene establishes a high level of conflict through the intercept operation, creating tension and intrigue for the audience.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the potential risks and challenges of the intercept operations creating obstacles for the protagonist. The audience is left uncertain about the outcome, adding to the suspense.

High Stakes: 9

The high-stakes nature of the intercept operation adds tension and intrigue to the scene, drawing viewers in and setting up the central conflict of the series.

Story Forward: 9

The scene effectively moves the story forward by introducing the central conflict and setting up key plot points for the series.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unknown outcome of the intercept operations and the potential risks involved. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of how the mission will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

There is a philosophical conflict between the use of advanced surveillance technology and the invasion of privacy. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs about the ethics of surveillance and the trade-off between security and individual rights.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

While the scene is more focused on setting up the plot and tone, there is still a sense of emotional impact through the high-stakes nature of the intercept operation.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue in the scene is sharp and effective, conveying important information while maintaining a sense of tension and urgency.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its fast-paced action, high-stakes mission, and suspenseful atmosphere. The reader is drawn into the protagonist's mission and invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a balance of action, dialogue, and description that maintains the tension and suspense. The rhythm of the scene keeps the reader engaged and invested in the mission.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting. The visual descriptions enhance the reader's understanding of the setting and action.

Structure: 9

The scene follows the expected structure for a spy thriller genre, with a clear setup of the mission, technical details, and action sequences. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the tension and suspense of the scene.


Critique
  • The aerial view of the Andes Mountain Range is visually striking and sets a grand tone for the scene. However, the scene could benefit from more sensory details to immerse the audience further into the environment. Describing the sounds of the plane, the wind, or the distant wildlife could enhance the atmosphere.
  • The dialogue between the operators is functional but lacks emotional depth or character differentiation. As it stands, the operators feel more like generic voices rather than distinct characters. Adding unique speech patterns, jargon, or personal stakes could help the audience connect with them.
  • The phrase 'Let's crawl into some heads' is intriguing but vague. It could be interpreted in multiple ways, which may confuse the audience. Clarifying this line or providing context could strengthen the scene's impact and make the operators' intentions clearer.
  • The scene lacks a clear conflict or tension. While it establishes the mission, there is no immediate sense of danger or urgency that would engage the audience. Introducing a potential threat or complication could heighten the stakes and draw viewers in more effectively.
  • The transition from the previous scene to this one is somewhat abrupt. While the fade-up is a common technique, a more gradual transition that connects the themes of the previous scene with the current one could create a smoother narrative flow.
Suggestions
  • Incorporate more sensory details to create a vivid atmosphere. Describe the sounds of the plane, the rush of wind, or the visual beauty of the Andes to engage the audience's senses.
  • Develop the operators' characters through their dialogue. Give them distinct voices or personal stakes in the mission to make them more relatable and memorable.
  • Clarify the line 'Let's crawl into some heads' by providing context or rephrasing it to ensure the audience understands the operators' intentions.
  • Introduce an element of conflict or tension, such as a potential threat to the mission or a complication that arises during their operations, to engage the audience more effectively.
  • Consider a more gradual transition from the previous scene to this one, perhaps by incorporating a brief moment of reflection or a thematic link that connects the two scenes.



Scene 3 -  Surveillance and Inequality: A Night in Bogota
EXT. BOGOTA - AERIAL VIEW - NIGHT

The city twinkles, bounded by the eastern cordillera of the
Andes Mountain Range.

MURPHY (V.O.)
Nowadays, the U.S. government can
listen to anything you say. They
know where you are, they know who
you're talking to, they probably
know who you're fucking. Turn on a
cell phone and you're doomed.

A chyron appears: "Bogota, Colombia 1989"

MURPHY (V.O.) (CONT'D)
But in Colombia in 1989, it wasn't
that easy. The only people who had
satellite phones were the filthy
rich. The landowners. The
politicians.
Genres: ["Crime","Drama","Thriller"]

Summary The scene opens with a stunning aerial view of Bogota, Colombia at night, as Murphy's voiceover reflects on the stark contrast between modern U.S. surveillance capabilities and the limited communication access of the Colombian elite in 1989. This disparity highlights themes of power and inequality, setting an ominous and reflective tone for the narrative.
Strengths
  • Strong visual contrast
  • Compelling voice-over narration
  • Effective establishment of themes and tone
Weaknesses
  • Limited character development
  • Lack of immediate action or conflict

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively sets the tone and establishes the historical context of the narrative, creating a sense of foreboding and intrigue.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of exploring the rise of narco-trafficking in Colombia through a modernist and masculine lens is intriguing and sets the stage for a complex narrative.

Plot: 8

The plot is advanced by introducing the 'Centra Spike' mission and hinting at the larger themes of surveillance and power dynamics.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh perspective on the theme of surveillance and espionage, with authentic dialogue and actions that feel true to the time period and setting.


Character Development

Characters: 7

While the characters are not fully developed in this scene, the introduction of the operators and the mention of wealthy landowners and politicians hint at the diverse cast of characters to come.

Character Changes: 6

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the introduction of the operators hints at potential arcs to come.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to navigate the dangerous world of espionage and surveillance, while also grappling with the moral implications of his actions. This reflects his deeper need for survival and his fear of being caught or betrayed.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to gather information on a target without being detected. This reflects the immediate challenge he faces in completing his mission successfully.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict is subtly hinted at through the discussion of surveillance and the power dynamics at play in Colombia.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist facing constant threats and challenges that keep the audience guessing.

High Stakes: 8

The high stakes are hinted at through the discussion of surveillance and the covert nature of the mission, setting up the dangerous world the characters will navigate.

Story Forward: 8

The scene effectively moves the story forward by introducing the 'Centra Spike' mission and establishing the historical context of Colombia in 1989.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the constant threat of surveillance and betrayal, keeping the audience on edge.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the clash between personal privacy and government surveillance. The protagonist's beliefs and values are challenged by the realization that his every move is being monitored.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene creates a sense of unease and tension, setting the stage for the emotional impact to come in the narrative.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is sharp and impactful, effectively conveying the themes of surveillance, corruption, and power dynamics.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the high stakes, moral dilemmas, and fast-paced dialogue that keeps the reader hooked.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension and suspense, while also allowing for moments of reflection and introspection.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with clear scene headings and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a thriller genre, with a clear setup of the protagonist's goals and challenges.


Critique
  • The aerial view of Bogota at night effectively sets the scene, creating a visually striking contrast between the twinkling city lights and the looming Andes Mountains. This establishes a sense of place and atmosphere that is crucial for immersing the audience in the narrative.
  • Murphy's voiceover is strong and impactful, providing a clear contrast between the surveillance capabilities of the modern U.S. government and the limited communication technology available in Colombia in 1989. This juxtaposition effectively highlights the socio-economic disparities and sets the stage for the themes of power and control that will be explored throughout the series.
  • The use of a chyron to indicate the time and place is a useful narrative device, grounding the audience in the historical context. However, it could be enhanced by incorporating more sensory details about the city, such as sounds or smells, to further immerse the viewer in the environment.
  • The tone of the voiceover is foreboding and reflective, which aligns well with the themes of the series. However, it may benefit from a more personal touch or anecdote from Murphy to create a deeper emotional connection with the audience, making the stakes feel more immediate and personal.
  • The transition from the previous scene to this one is somewhat abrupt. While the aerial view is visually captivating, a smoother transition that connects the covert operation to the broader implications of surveillance could enhance narrative cohesion.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more sensory details to the description of Bogota at night, such as the sounds of the city or the atmosphere, to create a more immersive experience for the audience.
  • Incorporate a personal anecdote or reflection from Murphy in the voiceover to deepen the emotional impact and connect the audience more closely to his perspective.
  • Explore a smoother transition from the previous scene by linking the covert operation's implications to the broader themes of surveillance and control, perhaps through a brief mention of the operators' awareness of the socio-political landscape.
  • Evaluate the pacing of the voiceover; consider varying the rhythm or adding pauses for emphasis to enhance the dramatic weight of Murphy's observations.
  • Ensure that the visual elements complement the voiceover effectively; consider using dynamic camera movements or cuts to emphasize key points in the narration.



Scene 4 -  Control in the Shadows
INT. FINCA - BOGOTA - NIGHT

CASH is stacked like cordwood.

MURPHY (V.O.)
Lucky for us, the Narcos were richer
than them all.
NARCOS Ep. 101 "Descenso" 5/13/14 2.

A couple of Makarov machine pistols lay on the table along
with a satellite phone. A HAND comes into FRAME.

MURPHY (V.O.) (CONT'D)
Okay, good. He picked up the phone.

WIDENING, to reveal a mustachioed NARCO ("POISON") dialing a
number on his phone. A CONFEDERATE counts the cash.

POISON
(in Spanish)
Hello, Blackie? It's Poison. We're
going out tonight.

MURPHY (V.O.)
Now we owned him. And he didn't
even know it.
Genres: ["Crime","Thriller"]

Summary In a tense night scene at a finca in Bogota, Colombia, a narco named 'Poison' is seen preparing for a planned outing while counting a large sum of cash alongside Makarov machine pistols and a satellite phone. As he makes a call to 'Blackie,' his confidence blinds him to the fact that Murphy and his associates have gained control over him without his knowledge. The atmosphere is charged with foreboding, hinting at a power struggle that will unfold in the future.
Strengths
  • Effective tension-building
  • Compelling introduction of Poison
  • Strong dialogue and performances
Weaknesses
  • Limited character development
  • Potential for cliched tropes

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively creates a sense of suspense and danger through its dialogue and visuals, setting up the tone for the series. The introduction of Poison adds depth to the narrative and raises the stakes for the main characters.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of introducing Poison and showcasing the power dynamics within the narco world is compelling and sets the stage for the series. The scene effectively establishes the themes of power, deception, and danger.

Plot: 8

The plot is advanced through the introduction of Poison and the establishment of the power dynamics within the narco world. The scene sets up future conflicts and developments, driving the narrative forward.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a familiar setting of criminal activity but adds a fresh perspective through the protagonist's internal conflict and moral dilemmas. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue enhances the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The introduction of Poison adds depth to the character roster and sets up potential conflicts with the main characters. The scene effectively establishes his personality and role within the narco world.

Character Changes: 7

The introduction of Poison marks a potential shift in the power dynamics and relationships within the narco world. His presence hints at future character developments and conflicts, setting the stage for evolving relationships.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to gain control and power over the Narcos, as indicated by the line 'Now we owned him. And he didn't even know it.' This reflects the protagonist's desire for dominance and success in their mission.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to infiltrate the criminal organization and gather information, as shown by the use of the satellite phone and the interaction with Poison. This goal reflects the immediate challenge of gaining trust and access within the criminal world.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict is subtly introduced through the power dynamics between Poison and Blackie, setting up potential confrontations and betrayals. The scene creates a sense of tension and danger through the characters' interactions.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist facing challenges in gaining control over the Narcos and navigating the dangerous criminal world.

High Stakes: 9

The scene raises the stakes by introducing Poison and hinting at impending danger and conflict. The phone call sets up a high-stakes situation that will impact the main characters and drive the narrative forward.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing a key character, establishing the power dynamics, and setting up potential conflicts. It advances the plot and sets the stage for future developments.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the shifting power dynamics and moral dilemmas faced by the protagonist, keeping the audience on edge about the outcome.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the themes of power, deception, and manipulation. The protagonist's actions challenge their own moral values and ethical boundaries as they engage in deceitful tactics to achieve their goals.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes a sense of unease and anticipation, creating an emotional impact through its tense atmosphere and ominous dialogue. The introduction of Poison adds depth to the narrative and raises the stakes for the main characters.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is tense and impactful, conveying the power dynamics and impending danger effectively. The phone call between Poison and Blackie adds layers to the characters and sets up future conflicts.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its suspenseful atmosphere, high stakes, and moral complexity, which keep the audience invested in the protagonist's journey.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the unfolding events.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with clear scene descriptions and character actions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a crime thriller genre, with a clear setup of the protagonist's goals and the introduction of conflict and tension.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes the setting and tone, showcasing the wealth and power dynamics within the narco-trafficking world. The imagery of cash stacked like cordwood alongside weapons and a satellite phone immediately conveys the stakes involved in this environment.
  • Murphy's voiceover adds depth to the scene, providing context and insight into the character's perspective. However, the voiceover could be more impactful if it included a personal reflection or emotional weight, rather than just stating facts. This would help the audience connect more with Murphy's character.
  • The dialogue spoken by Poison is minimal, which is appropriate for the scene's tension. However, it might benefit from a brief exchange that hints at Poison's personality or motivations, adding layers to his character without detracting from the scene's focus.
  • The transition from the visual elements to the voiceover could be smoother. The scene jumps from the visual of Poison dialing the phone to Murphy's voiceover without a clear connection. A more seamless integration of visuals and voiceover could enhance the storytelling.
  • The scene ends on a strong note with the implication that they have gained control over Poison. However, it could be more suspenseful if there were a hint of what the consequences of this control might be, creating anticipation for the audience.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a line or two of internal monologue from Murphy that reflects on the implications of the wealth and power displayed in the scene. This could deepen the audience's understanding of his character and the moral complexities of the narco world.
  • Introduce a brief moment of tension or conflict in Poison's dialogue, perhaps a hint of paranoia or bravado that reveals more about his character. This could make him more memorable and engaging.
  • Enhance the transition between visuals and voiceover by incorporating a visual cue that aligns with Murphy's commentary, such as a close-up of Poison's face as he speaks, emphasizing his ignorance of the situation.
  • Consider ending the scene with a more dramatic visual or auditory cue that leaves the audience with a sense of urgency or foreboding, such as the sound of a distant siren or a close-up of the cash being counted, reinforcing the stakes involved.
  • Explore the possibility of adding a brief reaction shot from the confederate counting the cash, which could provide a visual representation of the tension and stakes involved in the transaction.



Scene 5 -  Operation Poison: Eavesdropping in the Dark
INT. BEECHCRAFT - NIGHT

Inside, we SEE a fifty-million-dollar spy plane crammed with
state-of-the-art electronic eavesdropping equipment. Two
MALE OPERATORS monitor calls on laptops.

MURPHY (V.O.)
We had software that identified the
specific voices of our targets.
When they talked, we listened.

AN ONBOARD COMPUTER

Providing instantaneous calculations. We HEAR the chatter
of intercepted phone calls in Spanish.

OPERATOR #1
We got Poison at 1400 to 1700
megahertz, gentlemen.

He scribbles notes on a pad: "POISON."

OPERATOR #2
Ground units, begin trilateration.
Genres: ["Crime","Thriller","Drama"]

Summary Inside a high-tech Beechcraft spy plane at night, two male operators engage in a tense surveillance mission targeting a figure known as 'Poison.' Operator #1 identifies the frequency of Poison's communications, while Operator #2 coordinates with ground units to initiate trilateration for his location. The scene captures the operators' focused and methodical approach, emphasizing the high-stakes nature of their task as they prepare to take action.
Strengths
  • Effective introduction of surveillance technology
  • Building suspense and intrigue around 'Poison'
  • Setting up future conflicts and developments
Weaknesses
  • Limited character development
  • Lack of emotional depth

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively sets up the technological capabilities of the operators and introduces the character of 'Poison' in a suspenseful manner, creating intrigue and setting the stage for future developments.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of using advanced surveillance technology to track a narco trafficker adds depth to the narrative and sets up future conflicts and developments.

Plot: 8

The plot is advanced by introducing the surveillance operation and the character of 'Poison,' setting the stage for future events and conflicts.

Originality: 9

The scene demonstrates originality through its depiction of high-tech surveillance equipment, the use of intercepted phone calls as a plot device, and the ethical dilemmas faced by the characters. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 7

While the scene focuses more on the technology and operation than on character development, the introduction of 'Poison' adds an intriguing element to the narrative.

Character Changes: 5

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the introduction of 'Poison' hints at potential transformations and developments in the future.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to successfully monitor and gather intelligence from the intercepted phone calls. This reflects their desire to excel in their role as an operator and contribute to the success of the mission.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to coordinate with ground units and begin trilateration based on the intercepted phone calls. This reflects the immediate challenge of tracking and locating targets in real-time.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict between the operators and 'Poison' is subtly hinted at through the interception of his communications, setting up future confrontations and challenges.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the characters facing challenges in monitoring the intercepted phone calls, coordinating with ground units, and potential ethical dilemmas that add tension to the scene.

High Stakes: 7

The high stakes of the surveillance operation and the potential consequences of intercepting 'Poison's' communications add tension and urgency to the scene.

Story Forward: 8

The scene effectively moves the story forward by introducing key elements of the surveillance operation and setting up future conflicts and developments.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unknown outcomes of the intercepted phone calls, the characters' reactions, and the potential challenges they may face in the mission.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the ethics of surveillance and intelligence gathering. The characters must balance the necessity of their mission with the invasion of privacy and potential ethical implications of their actions.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

The scene focuses more on suspense and intrigue than on emotional depth, setting the stage for future emotional developments.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is focused on technical aspects of the operation and surveillance, setting the tone for the scene and establishing the expertise of the operators.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its high-tech setting, tense atmosphere, and the characters' actions that keep the audience on edge.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is fast-paced and tense, with quick exchanges of dialogue, detailed descriptions of the equipment, and the unfolding of the mission that keeps the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for an espionage genre, with clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a suspenseful espionage genre, with a clear setup of the high-tech equipment, the characters' actions, and the unfolding of the mission.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes the high-tech environment of the Beechcraft spy plane, which is crucial for conveying the advanced capabilities of the operators. However, the description could benefit from more sensory details to immerse the audience in the setting. For instance, describing the sounds of the equipment or the atmosphere inside the plane could enhance the tension.
  • Murphy's voiceover provides important context, but it could be more engaging if it included a personal reflection or emotional weight regarding the implications of their surveillance. This would help the audience connect with Murphy as a character and understand the moral complexities of their actions.
  • The dialogue between the operators is functional but lacks distinct character voices. Adding unique speech patterns or jargon specific to each operator could help differentiate them and make the scene more dynamic.
  • The scene's pacing is somewhat static, primarily focusing on the operators' actions without much variation. Introducing a moment of tension or urgency, such as a sudden complication in their operation, could heighten the stakes and keep the audience engaged.
  • While the technical aspects of the operation are clear, the scene could benefit from a brief explanation of why Poison is a significant target. This would provide the audience with a clearer understanding of the stakes involved in the operation.
Suggestions
  • Incorporate more sensory details to create a vivid atmosphere inside the spy plane, such as the hum of machinery or the glow of screens.
  • Consider adding a personal touch to Murphy's voiceover, perhaps reflecting on the ethical implications of their surveillance or his feelings about the target.
  • Differentiate the operators' dialogue by giving each character a unique way of speaking or specific jargon that reflects their personalities or roles.
  • Introduce a moment of tension or urgency, such as a technical malfunction or an unexpected communication, to increase the stakes and engage the audience.
  • Provide a brief context for why Poison is a significant target, which would help the audience understand the importance of the operation and the potential consequences.



Scene 6 -  The Calm Before the Confrontation
INT. VAN ON THE GROUND - NIGHT

Packed with surveillance gear. A TECHNICIAN in the back of
the van (American) checks his laptop.

TECHNICIAN
He's in the Zona Rosa.
NARCOS Ep. 101 "Descenso" 5/13/14 3.

OPERATOR #2 (O.S.)
Can you be more specific? Police
units are standing by.

INT. FINCA - BOGOTA - NIGHT

Poison knocks back an aguardiente.

POISON
(in Spanish)
La Dispensaria. I have a table
outside. Midnight.
Genres: ["Crime","Thriller","Drama"]

Summary In a tense surveillance van, a technician confirms the location of the target, Poison, who is casually drinking aguardiente in Zona Rosa and has a reservation at La Dispensaria at midnight. The operator urgently requests more specific details as police units await instructions, highlighting the contrast between the operators' anxiety and Poison's relaxed demeanor. The scene ends with Poison's confident declaration of his meeting, leaving the operators with a critical lead.
Strengths
  • Effective tension-building
  • Clear introduction of key elements
  • Engaging concept
Weaknesses
  • Limited character development
  • Minimal emotional depth

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively establishes the tone and introduces the audience to the complex world of narco-trafficking. It builds suspense and intrigue through the use of advanced surveillance technology and strategic planning.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a covert surveillance operation in the world of narco-trafficking is engaging and sets the stage for a complex and suspenseful narrative. The scene effectively introduces key elements of the story and establishes the tone for the series.

Plot: 8

The plot is advanced through the introduction of the surveillance operation and the target, 'Poison.' The scene sets up a key conflict and raises questions about the characters' motivations and the unfolding events.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh approach to the surveillance genre, focusing on the specific location and high-tech equipment used in the operation. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and realistic.


Character Development

Characters: 7

While the characters are not deeply explored in this scene, their roles in the surveillance operation are clearly defined. 'Poison' is introduced as a key figure, and the technicians demonstrate their expertise and focus.

Character Changes: 5

There are minimal character changes in this scene, as the focus is more on establishing the setting and introducing the key players. However, the tension and risks involved may lead to character development in future scenes.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to gather information and make a decision based on the surveillance data. This reflects their need for control and strategic thinking in a high-stakes situation.

External Goal: 9

The protagonist's external goal is to locate a target in the Zona Rosa and coordinate with police units for a potential operation. This reflects the immediate challenge of tracking down a specific individual in a crowded urban area.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict in the scene is primarily driven by the tension of the surveillance operation and the potential risks involved. The clash between law enforcement and criminal elements adds depth to the conflict.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the characters facing obstacles in locating the target and coordinating with law enforcement. The audience is kept on edge by the uncertainty of the outcome.

High Stakes: 9

The high-stakes nature of the surveillance operation, with law enforcement targeting a narco in Bogota, adds intensity and urgency to the scene. The potential risks and consequences heighten the stakes for the characters.

Story Forward: 9

The scene effectively moves the story forward by introducing the surveillance operation and setting up key plot points. It raises questions and creates anticipation for the unfolding events.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the shifting dynamics between the characters, the uncertain outcome of the surveillance operation, and the potential risks involved.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

There is a philosophical conflict between the need for surveillance and law enforcement versus individual privacy and autonomy. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs about the balance between security and personal freedom.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

While the scene is more focused on building tension and intrigue, there is a subtle emotional impact in the high-stakes nature of the surveillance operation and the potential consequences for the characters involved.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is concise and serves the purpose of advancing the plot and establishing the characters' roles. It effectively conveys the urgency and precision of the surveillance operation.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its fast-paced dialogue, high-stakes situation, and suspenseful atmosphere. The audience is drawn into the tension and urgency of the surveillance operation.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a balance of dialogue, action, and suspenseful moments. The rhythm contributes to the tension and urgency of the surveillance operation.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with clear scene headings, dialogue, and action descriptions. The formatting enhances the readability and flow of the scene.

Structure: 9

The scene follows the expected structure for a surveillance thriller, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the tension and suspense.


Critique
  • The scene effectively transitions from the high-tech surveillance operation to the more personal and dangerous world of Poison, creating a contrast that heightens tension. However, the shift could be more seamless; consider adding a visual or auditory cue that connects the two locations, such as a sound from the van that fades into the background noise of the Zona Rosa.
  • The dialogue is functional but lacks depth. The Technician's line is straightforward, but it could benefit from a more engaging delivery or additional context to emphasize the urgency of the situation. For example, adding a line that reflects the Technician's stress or excitement about the operation could enhance the emotional stakes.
  • Poison's dialogue is brief and to the point, which works for his character, but it could be enriched with more subtext. Perhaps he could express a sense of bravado or confidence that hints at his awareness of the danger he is in, which would add layers to his character and make the audience more invested in his fate.
  • The scene lacks a clear emotional arc or stakes for the Technician. While the audience understands the mission's importance, the Technician's personal investment in the outcome is unclear. Adding a line that reveals his motivations or fears could create a stronger connection between the audience and the character.
  • The setting is described as packed with surveillance gear, but there is little sensory detail to immerse the audience in the environment. Consider incorporating sounds, smells, or visual details that evoke the cramped, high-tech atmosphere of the van, enhancing the realism of the scene.
Suggestions
  • Introduce a visual or auditory transition between the surveillance van and Poison's location to create a more cohesive flow between the two settings.
  • Enhance the Technician's dialogue to reflect urgency or stress, making it more engaging and emphasizing the high stakes of the operation.
  • Add subtext to Poison's dialogue to reveal more about his character, perhaps hinting at his bravado or awareness of the risks involved.
  • Develop the Technician's character by including a line that reveals his personal stakes or motivations, creating a stronger emotional connection with the audience.
  • Incorporate sensory details to describe the surveillance van's environment, enhancing the realism and immersiveness of the scene.



Scene 7 -  Divided Loyalties
INT. BEECHCRAFT - NIGHT

OPERATOR #1
Never mind. Negative on the ground
assault. This fuckwad just told us
where he's going.

MURPHY (V.O.)
Poison didn't know it, but he'd made
himself a date.

Operator #1 removes his headset.

OPERATOR #1
Who do we give this to? DEA?

OPERATOR #2
Yeah. Let's give it to Javier Peña.

OPERATOR #1
Peña's an asshole. I'm gonna give
it to the other guy.
Genres: ["Crime","Thriller","Drama"]

Summary In a tense night scene aboard a Beechcraft aircraft, Operator #1 reveals crucial intelligence about a target's location, provided by the character Poison. He expresses his disdain for DEA agent Javier Peña and decides to pass the information to a different contact, despite Operator #2's suggestion to inform Peña. The conflict between the operators highlights differing opinions on handling the intelligence, underscoring the urgency and seriousness of their covert operation.
Strengths
  • Effective tension-building
  • Strong plot development
  • Compelling conflict
Weaknesses
  • Limited character development
  • Potential for more emotional depth

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively establishes the tension and urgency of the situation, setting up a compelling conflict and introducing key characters and plot elements.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a covert operation to capture a narco-trafficker is engaging and sets up a compelling conflict that drives the narrative forward.

Plot: 8

The plot is well-developed in this scene, introducing key elements and characters while advancing the overall narrative of the series.

Originality: 7

The scene introduces a familiar scenario of law enforcement operatives handling sensitive information but adds originality through the characters' personal dynamics and conflicting loyalties.


Character Development

Characters: 7

The characters are introduced effectively, with distinct personalities and roles that contribute to the tension and conflict of the scene.

Character Changes: 6

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the dynamics between the surveillance team members and Poison hint at potential developments in future episodes.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to capitalize on the information they have obtained and successfully carry out their mission. This reflects their desire for success, competence, and possibly a sense of justice or duty.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to deliver the information to the appropriate authority, ensuring that it is acted upon effectively. This reflects the immediate challenge of handling sensitive information and navigating interagency dynamics.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The level of conflict is high in this scene, with the covert operation to capture Poison creating intense stakes and suspense.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create conflict and uncertainty but not overwhelming to the point of overshadowing the characters' decisions.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in this scene, with the capture of a dangerous narco-trafficker at the center of the covert operation.

Story Forward: 9

The scene effectively moves the story forward by introducing key plot elements, characters, and conflicts that will drive the narrative of the series.

Unpredictability: 7

The scene is unpredictable due to the characters' conflicting decisions and the uncertainty of how the information will be handled.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

There is a philosophical conflict between following protocol and personal opinions or biases. The protagonist's dislike for Peña and desire to give the information to someone else highlights this conflict.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene has a moderate emotional impact, primarily driven by the tension and suspense of the covert operation.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is sharp and impactful, conveying crucial information while building suspense and character dynamics.

Engagement: 8

This scene is engaging because of its fast-paced dialogue, high stakes, and character dynamics that keep the audience invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and maintaining the audience's interest through concise dialogue and strategic reveals.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting adheres to industry standards for screenplay format, enhancing readability and clarity.

Structure: 9

The scene follows the expected structure for a suspenseful, dialogue-driven sequence in a thriller genre.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension by revealing that Poison has unknowingly disclosed his location, which adds an element of dramatic irony. However, the dialogue could be more dynamic to reflect the urgency of the situation. Operator #1's dismissal of the ground assault feels a bit casual given the high stakes, which could undermine the tension.
  • Murphy's voiceover adds depth to the scene, but it could be more impactful if it provided insight into the implications of Poison's actions. For instance, elaborating on how this information could change the game for the DEA or the narcos would enhance the stakes.
  • The interaction between the operators is somewhat flat. While Operator #1's disdain for Peña adds character, it could be more engaging if it included a brief exchange that highlights their camaraderie or tension, making their decision to bypass Peña feel more significant.
  • The scene lacks a strong visual element that could enhance the atmosphere. Describing the interior of the Beechcraft, the glow of the screens, or the operators' expressions could create a more immersive experience for the audience.
  • The abruptness of the scene's conclusion leaves the audience wanting more context. It would be beneficial to hint at the consequences of their decision to bypass Peña, setting up anticipation for the next scene.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more tension to the dialogue by incorporating urgency in the operators' speech patterns or reactions to the information they receive.
  • Enhance Murphy's voiceover to provide a clearer sense of the stakes involved with Poison's location, perhaps by referencing past incidents or the potential fallout of this intelligence.
  • Develop the relationship between the operators further, perhaps by including a moment of banter or conflict that reveals their personalities and motivations more clearly.
  • Include descriptive visuals that capture the atmosphere inside the Beechcraft, such as the flickering screens or the operators' focused expressions, to create a more vivid scene.
  • End the scene with a stronger hook that hints at the implications of their decision, perhaps by foreshadowing a confrontation or a complication that arises from bypassing Peña.



Scene 8 -  Balancing Acts
INT. MURPHY'S APARTMENT - BOGOTA - NIGHT

STEVE MURPHY, 30s, stands amidst domestic chaos: a baby cries
loudly, the phone rings off the hook. He has the physicality
and charm of a West Virginia upbringing.

MURPHY (V.O.)
By the "other guy," he meant me. My
name is Steve Murphy. I'm DEA and
as you can see, I'm deeply embedded
in Colombia.

He receives into his arms a beautiful, crying COLOMBIAN BABY,
handed to him by CONNIE MURPHY, 30s.
NARCOS Ep. 101 "Descenso" 5/13/14 4.

CONNIE
Honey, can you change her?

Connie is effortlessly sexy, a former ER nurse. She moves
off to answer the phone. Murphy places the baby on the
changing table as though handling a live hand grenade.

CONNIE (O.S.) (CONT'D)
It's for you!

He grabs the phone, cradles it under his neck.

MURPHY
Hello?
(listens)
Okay. Hold on. Gimme a sec.

He puts the baby in her crib, and grabs a pen and scribbles
"Poison" and "La Dispensaria, 12AM" on a notepad.

MURPHY (CONT'D)
Got it, thanks.

The baby starts to cry.

MURPHY (CONT'D)
Hold on, sweetpea. Daddy's coming.

He dials another number.

MURPHY (CONT'D)
(on phone)
Poison will be at La Dispensaria at
around midnight with his crew.

Murphy grabs a new diaper from a stack.

MURPHY (V.O.) (CONT'D)
I would've loved to go after Poison
myself, but DEA is restricted in a
foreign country.

Murphy fumbles some talcum into the diaper. He lifts the
BABY'S TINY BOTTOM to put it on.

MURPHY (V.O.) (CONT'D)
We're not supposed to do ground
operations. Our role's to "inform"
and "advise." So I did just what
you would do. I called the cops.
NARCOS Ep. 101 "Descenso" 5/13/14 5.
Genres: ["Crime","Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In a chaotic night at his Bogota apartment, DEA agent Steve Murphy struggles to juggle fatherhood and his professional duties. While caring for a crying Colombian baby, he receives a call about a drug dealer named Poison. Despite the challenges of managing his domestic life, he takes notes on the call and plans to inform the police about Poison's whereabouts, showcasing his commitment to both family and duty.
Strengths
  • Effective juxtaposition of personal and professional life
  • Strong emotional impact
  • Compelling character development
Weaknesses
  • Potential cliché of the 'tough DEA agent with a soft side' trope

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively establishes the dual nature of Murphy's life and sets up the conflict between his professional obligations and personal responsibilities.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of balancing undercover work with family life is engaging and adds depth to Murphy's character.

Plot: 7

The plot progresses by introducing the conflict between Murphy's duty to his job and his duty to his family, setting up potential future conflicts.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh perspective on the familiar theme of law enforcement and crime, offering a nuanced portrayal of the protagonist's internal conflicts and external challenges. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-developed, with Murphy shown as a dedicated DEA agent who also cares deeply for his family.

Character Changes: 7

Murphy's character is shown to be torn between his duty to his job and his duty to his family, hinting at potential growth or conflict in the future.

Internal Goal: 8

Murphy's internal goal in this scene is to balance his personal life with his professional responsibilities. His actions reflect his desire to protect his family while also fulfilling his duty as a DEA agent.

External Goal: 7

Murphy's external goal in this scene is to gather information on a criminal named Poison and his crew. This goal reflects the immediate challenge he is facing in his role as a DEA agent in Colombia.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict between Murphy's work and family obligations creates a compelling tension.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Murphy facing internal and external obstacles that challenge his beliefs and values. The audience is left wondering how he will navigate these challenges and overcome the odds.

High Stakes: 7

The high stakes of Murphy's job and the potential impact on his family create a sense of urgency and danger.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by establishing the central conflict of Murphy's dual life.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists and turns in the protagonist's actions and decisions. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of how the situation will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the tension between Murphy's desire to take direct action and his obligation to follow the rules and restrictions of his position as a DEA agent. This conflict challenges his beliefs about justice and the effectiveness of law enforcement.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene elicits empathy for Murphy's struggle to balance his dangerous job with his role as a father.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue effectively conveys the tension and emotional stakes of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its fast-paced action, sharp dialogue, and emotional depth. The chaotic setting and high stakes keep the audience invested in the protagonist's journey.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is expertly crafted, with a perfect balance of action, dialogue, and internal monologue. The rhythm and flow of the scene enhance its effectiveness and keep the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene descriptions, character actions, and dialogue cues that enhance the readability and flow of the script.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, effectively balancing character development, dialogue, and action to create a compelling narrative.


Critique
  • The scene effectively juxtaposes Murphy's chaotic home life with the high-stakes world of drug trafficking, highlighting the duality of his existence. However, the transition between these two worlds could be made more seamless to enhance the narrative flow.
  • Murphy's voiceover provides necessary context, but it could be more engaging if it included a personal reflection or emotional insight that connects his family life to the dangers of his job. This would deepen the audience's understanding of his character and the stakes involved.
  • The dialogue feels somewhat functional and could benefit from more subtext. For instance, Connie's request for Murphy to change the baby could imply a deeper strain in their relationship due to his dangerous job, which could be explored further.
  • The physicality of Murphy handling the baby like a 'live hand grenade' is a strong visual metaphor, but it could be enhanced by showing more of his internal conflict or anxiety about balancing fatherhood with his responsibilities as a DEA agent.
  • The pacing of the scene is generally good, but the urgency could be heightened by incorporating more sensory details, such as the sounds of the crying baby or the frantic ringing of the phone, to create a more immersive experience.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment where Murphy reflects on the implications of his work on his family life, perhaps through a brief flashback or a more poignant voiceover that connects his current situation to past experiences.
  • Enhance the dialogue between Murphy and Connie to reveal more about their relationship dynamics, possibly by including a line that hints at the tension between his job and family responsibilities.
  • Incorporate more sensory details to create a vivid atmosphere, such as the sounds of the baby crying, the ringing phone, or even the chaotic environment of the apartment, to draw the audience into the scene.
  • Explore the use of visual metaphors further, perhaps by showing Murphy's struggle with the diaper as a parallel to the complexities of his job, emphasizing the messiness of both parenting and drug enforcement.
  • Consider tightening the voiceover to make it more impactful, focusing on key emotional beats that resonate with the audience and highlight the stakes of Murphy's dual life.



Scene 9 -  From Laughter to Danger
EXT. CAFE - BOGOTA - NIGHT

HORATIO CARILLO, 30s, a well-dressed Colombian with a cheery
demeanor, talks on a clunky cell phone.

CARILLO
La Dispensaria. Copy that.

He clicks off, smiles at his dinner companion.

CARILLO (CONT'D)
Guess who that was? Your partner.

We see JAVIER PEÑA, 30s, Mexican-American, enjoying his
scotch. He's casual in a collared shirt and jeans.

CARILLO (CONT'D)
(rising)
Gotta go.

PEÑA
Gonna stick me with the bill, huh?

CARILLO
I have to get the gift your partner
just delivered.

PEÑA
No kidding. Who?

CARILLO
Poison.

He starts off, turns back.

CARILLO (CONT'D)
Does your buddy know how I'm gonna
package it?

PEÑA
Oh yeah. He's no fool. I'll get
the bill, you cheap sonofabitch.

Carillo turns and walks toward CAMERA.

MURPHY (V.O.)
Colonel Carillo was one of the leaders
of "Search Bloc," a unit we helped
create to capture the bad guys.
(MORE)
NARCOS Ep. 101 "Descenso" 5/13/14 6.

MURPHY (V.O.) (CONT'D)
But at heart he was like any Colombian
police officer. He didn't have a
lot of love for the Narcos.

CUT TO:

CHA-CHUCK. A SHOTGUN is cocked.

CARILLO
(in Spanish)
We're on, fellas.
Genres: ["Crime","Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In a Bogotá cafe at night, Colombian police officer Horatio Carillo shares a light-hearted moment with his companion, Javier Peña, while discussing a work-related delivery. The mood shifts dramatically as Carillo prepares to handle a dangerous package he jokingly refers to as 'poison.' The scene transitions from casual banter to a tense atmosphere, culminating in Carillo gearing up for a serious operation.
Strengths
  • Sharp dialogue
  • Tension building
  • Character dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Limited emotional depth
  • Slightly predictable plot twists

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene is well-crafted with a good balance of suspense, humor, and character dynamics. It sets up a high-stakes situation while also providing insight into the relationships between the characters.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the scene revolves around a drug deal gone wrong, showcasing the dangers and complexities of the narco-trafficking world. It introduces key characters and sets the stage for future conflicts and developments.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene revolves around the delivery of a package by a character named Poison, leading to a tense confrontation. It advances the overall narrative by introducing new obstacles and challenges for the protagonists.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on the drug trade genre by focusing on the internal conflicts of the characters. The authenticity of the dialogue adds to the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters in the scene are well-defined and engaging, with distinct personalities and motivations. Their interactions reveal layers of complexity and add depth to the story.

Character Changes: 7

The characters undergo subtle changes in the scene, revealing new facets of their personalities and motivations. Their interactions and decisions hint at future developments and conflicts.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to maintain his facade of cheery demeanor while dealing with dangerous situations in the drug trade. This reflects his need to protect himself and his interests.

External Goal: 9

The protagonist's external goal is to handle the delivery of poison in a discreet and efficient manner. This reflects the immediate challenges he faces in the drug trade.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The scene has a high level of conflict, both internal and external, as characters navigate the dangerous world of drug trafficking. Tensions rise as the situation escalates, leading to a climactic moment with the shotgun being cocked.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the threat of violence and the protagonist's conflicting loyalties creating tension.

High Stakes: 9

The scene has high stakes, with characters facing dangerous situations and moral dilemmas. The outcome of the confrontation with Poison could have significant consequences for the protagonists and the overall narrative.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing key plot points, conflicts, and character dynamics. It sets up future events and challenges for the protagonists, driving the narrative towards its climax.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable due to the sudden shift from casual conversation to a dangerous situation with a shotgun being cocked.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict is evident in the protagonist's loyalty to his job in capturing drug dealers while also being involved in the drug trade himself. This challenges his beliefs and values.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene has a moderate emotional impact, with moments of tension, suspense, and dark humor that engage the audience. The characters' struggles and conflicts evoke empathy and intrigue.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue in the scene is sharp, witty, and engaging, reflecting the personalities of the characters and adding depth to their interactions. It drives the plot forward while also providing insight into the characters' relationships.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its fast-paced dialogue, suspenseful atmosphere, and intriguing characters.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building suspense and maintaining the audience's interest.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay in the crime drama genre, with clear character descriptions and dialogue.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a suspenseful crime drama, with a clear setup and resolution.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes a light-hearted moment between Carillo and Peña, which contrasts nicely with the serious undertones of their work in the drug war. This juxtaposition adds depth to their characters and highlights the tension between their personal lives and professional responsibilities.
  • Carillo's cheerful demeanor and casual dialogue provide a refreshing break from the tension of previous scenes, but it may come off as too light-hearted given the gravity of the situation involving 'Poison.' This could undermine the stakes of the operation they are discussing.
  • The dialogue is snappy and serves to reveal character relationships, but it could benefit from more subtext. For instance, Carillo's comment about packaging the 'gift' could hint at the dangers involved in their operations, adding a layer of tension to the otherwise jovial exchange.
  • Murphy's voiceover provides necessary context about Carillo's role and the 'Search Bloc,' but it feels somewhat expository. Integrating this information more organically into the dialogue or through visual storytelling could enhance the flow of the scene.
  • The transition from the light-hearted conversation to the serious action of the shotgun being cocked is effective, but it could be more impactful if the shift in tone was foreshadowed earlier in the scene. A subtle hint of tension or urgency could prepare the audience for the impending action.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment of hesitation or concern from Carillo before he leaves, which could foreshadow the dangers of the operation and create a more palpable tension.
  • Incorporate more visual storytelling elements that reflect the duality of their lives—perhaps showing the bustling cafe around them or the contrast between their casual conversation and the serious nature of their work.
  • Enhance the dialogue with subtext that hints at the risks involved in their operations. For example, Carillo could make a comment that reflects his awareness of the dangers they face, even in a light-hearted context.
  • Rework Murphy's voiceover to be less expository and more integrated into the scene. Perhaps have him comment on the camaraderie between the two men or the irony of their situation, which would add depth without feeling forced.
  • Consider ending the scene with a stronger emotional hook or cliffhanger that leaves the audience eager to see the consequences of Carillo's actions, rather than simply cutting to the shotgun cocking.



Scene 10 -  Chaos in the Zona Rosa
INT. SPECIAL OPS VAN - NIGHT

Carillo addresses six MEN IN BODY ARMOR. The van's an armory:
Browning rifles, H&K small machine guns, etc. The men pull
on ski masks.

MURPHY (V.O.)
Midnight in the Zona Rosa. Party
time.

EXT. LA DISPENSARIA - NIGHT

The Zona Rosa is alive with music, revelers, excitement.
SEVEN TOUGH MEN are seated at an outdoor table. Poison is
packing his Makarov in a fancy leather holster.

POISON
(in Spanish)
Come join us, beautiful!

He's propositioning a DOE-EYED COLOMBIAN GIRL walking down
the street. His men make catcalls.

ANGLE - THE DOE-EYED COLOMBIAN GIRL

She smiles, pretends she's interested. She knows better
than to ignore these men.

WIDE SHOT - LA DISPENSARIA

The restaurant. The beautiful girl. The dealers.

SURE SHOT
(in Spanish)
Hey, Beauty Queen! We're ugly but
we're rich!

BAM! His head blows off. Everyone goes for their weapons.
NARCOS Ep. 101 "Descenso" 5/13/14 7.

CAMERA WHIP PANS

The Men in Body Armor advance, guns blazing as we--

FREEZE FRAME

FADE TO BLACK.

A long beat. Dead silence.

FADE UP ON:
Genres: ["Crime","Thriller","Action"]

Summary In a vibrant night scene at La Dispensaria in the Zona Rosa, Carillo readies his special ops team for a mission while revelers enjoy the atmosphere. Poison flirts with a Colombian girl, but the playful mood shatters when Sure Shot is suddenly shot in the head, igniting chaos as everyone scrambles for weapons. The scene escalates into violence as armored men advance with guns drawn, culminating in a tense freeze frame.
Strengths
  • Tense atmosphere
  • Effective action sequences
  • Sharp dialogue
  • High-stakes setting
Weaknesses
  • Limited character development in this specific scene

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene effectively sets up a high-stakes situation with tension and violence, keeping the audience engaged and on edge.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the scene, focusing on a covert operation in a dangerous setting, is engaging and well-executed.

Plot: 9

The plot is advanced significantly in this scene, introducing key characters, conflicts, and setting up future events.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh approach to the crime genre with its intense action and realistic portrayal of criminal behavior. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are introduced effectively, with distinct personalities and motivations that drive the action forward.

Character Changes: 7

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the introduction of key characters sets the stage for future development.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is likely survival and maintaining control in a dangerous situation. This reflects their deeper need for power and dominance, as well as their fear of losing their position or life.

External Goal: 9

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to assert dominance and intimidate others in the criminal world. This reflects the immediate circumstances of a power struggle and the need to maintain control over their territory.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is intense and drives the action forward, keeping the audience engaged.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with a sudden act of violence disrupting the status quo and creating uncertainty.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in this scene, with danger and violence looming over the characters, adding to the tension and suspense.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward significantly, setting up key events and conflicts to come.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the sudden violence and unexpected turn of events.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the clash between power and morality. The protagonist's actions and behavior challenge traditional values and ethical standards, highlighting the protagonist's beliefs and worldview.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene elicits a strong emotional response from the audience due to the high stakes and danger presented.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is sharp and impactful, adding to the tension and suspense of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense action, suspenseful atmosphere, and dramatic conflict.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension and suspense, leading to a dramatic climax.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a crime genre, with clear scene descriptions and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a crime genre, with a buildup of tension, action sequence, and a cliffhanger ending.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension by juxtaposing the chaotic atmosphere of the Zona Rosa with the serious preparations of Carillo and his team. This contrast highlights the impending violence and creates a sense of urgency.
  • The use of voice-over from Murphy adds depth to the scene, providing context and enhancing the viewer's understanding of the stakes involved. However, the voice-over could be more impactful if it included a personal reflection or insight from Murphy that ties his experiences to the unfolding events.
  • The dialogue, particularly Poison's flirtation with the doe-eyed girl, effectively establishes the character's bravado and the dangerous environment. However, the catcalls from the men could be perceived as clichéd and may benefit from more original or nuanced lines that reflect their personalities.
  • The sudden violence with Sure Shot's head being blown off is shocking and serves as a strong narrative pivot. However, the transition to the freeze frame feels abrupt. A brief moment of chaos or a reaction shot from the revelers could enhance the impact of the violence before cutting to black.
  • The freeze frame is a stylistic choice that can be effective, but it may leave the audience wanting more immediate resolution. Consider following the freeze frame with a brief moment that captures the aftermath of the chaos, allowing the audience to process the violence before moving on.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment of hesitation or a brief exchange among Carillo's team before they engage, which could heighten the tension and showcase their camaraderie or individual personalities.
  • Enhance the voice-over by incorporating Murphy's emotional response to the violence, perhaps reflecting on the consequences of the drug trade or his personal stakes in the operation.
  • Revise the dialogue for the catcalls to make them more unique to the characters, avoiding clichés and providing insight into their personalities or motivations.
  • After the gunshot, include a quick montage of reactions from the surrounding crowd to emphasize the chaos and fear that ensues, making the violence feel more impactful.
  • Consider using a different visual technique instead of a freeze frame, such as a slow-motion effect or a quick cut to the aftermath, to maintain the momentum of the scene and keep the audience engaged.



Scene 11 -  Aftermath of Violence
EXT. LA DISPENSARIA - SUNRISE

A SHUTTER clicks, a photo taken. Bodies lay splayed across
the outdoor cafe. A bloodbath.

MURPHY (O.S.)
Javi, we hit a home run.

REVERSING, to find Steve Murphy with a camera and a phone.
He steps into a cordoned crime scene, with EIGHT CORPSES and
a dozen COLOMBIAN NATIONAL POLICE.

MURPHY (O.S.) (CONT'D)
Got "Poison." We got "Bad Mouth."
We got "Blackie." Three or four of
them I can't ID.

Colonel Carillo squats over one of the corpses. He turns
his face TOWARDS CAMERA.

CARILLO
(in Spanish)
Murphy, you won't believe this.

He gestures to a dead body. Face half blown off.

MURPHY
Javier, we got a bonus. "Sure Shot"
has met his maker.
(another look)
At least I think it's "Sure Shot."

INTERCUT WITH:

CLOSE - ON JAVIER PEÑA

PEÑA
No shit! He was there?! Great.
NARCOS Ep. 101 "Descenso" 5/13/14 8.
Genres: ["Crime","Thriller","Drama"]

Summary At an outdoor cafe crime scene at sunrise, Steve Murphy documents the aftermath of a brutal incident, discovering eight corpses, including notorious drug figures. Colonel Carillo confirms the shocking death of 'Sure Shot,' while Javier Peña expresses disbelief and excitement about the implications of these deaths. The grim and tense atmosphere highlights the chaos of the drug trade, leaving the audience intrigued by the unfolding consequences.
Strengths
  • Effective tension-building
  • Compelling dialogue
  • High-stakes situation
  • Collaboration between characters
Weaknesses
  • Limited character development for secondary characters
  • Slightly predictable outcome

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively introduces a high-stakes situation, sets a tense tone, and advances the plot significantly by revealing key information about the characters and their mission.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of discovering a bloody crime scene and the subsequent investigation is engaging and adds depth to the narrative. It introduces key characters and sets the stage for future developments in the story.

Plot: 8

The plot is advanced significantly in this scene through the discovery of multiple corpses and the collaboration between DEA agent Steve Murphy and Colombian police officer Colonel Carillo. It adds layers of complexity and intrigue to the overall story.

Originality: 8

The scene presents a fresh approach to the crime genre by focusing on the aftermath of a violent incident and the characters' reactions to it. The authenticity of the dialogue and actions adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 7

The characters of Steve Murphy and Colonel Carillo are further developed in this scene through their interactions and reactions to the violent discovery. It adds depth to their personalities and motivations.

Character Changes: 6

There is a slight character change in Steve Murphy as he reacts to the violent discovery and collaborates with Colonel Carillo. It adds depth to his character and hints at future developments.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to uncover the identities of the deceased individuals and make sense of the violent situation. This reflects his need for justice and his desire to solve the mystery behind the crime.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to gather information about the criminals involved in the crime and potentially identify a key suspect. This reflects the immediate challenge of dealing with a violent crime scene and the need to take action.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The level of conflict in the scene is high, with the discovery of multiple corpses and the subsequent investigation leading to intense moments and heightened stakes.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the characters facing difficult challenges and obstacles that add tension and uncertainty to the story.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in the scene due to the violent discovery, the involvement of multiple law enforcement agencies, and the implications for the ongoing investigation. It raises the tension and suspense.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by revealing key information, advancing the investigation, and setting up future plot developments. It adds layers of complexity to the narrative.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists in the investigation and the revelation of new information about the crime.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the value of justice and the consequences of criminal actions. The protagonist's beliefs in upholding the law are challenged by the brutal reality of the crime scene.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene has a moderate emotional impact due to the shocking discovery of the crime scene and the reactions of the characters involved. It elicits a sense of intrigue and suspense.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue in the scene is impactful, revealing crucial information about the characters and the situation. It effectively conveys the tension and seriousness of the moment.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense and suspenseful atmosphere, the high stakes involved, and the dynamic interactions between the characters.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a balance of action, dialogue, and suspense that keeps the audience engaged and invested in the story.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with proper scene headings, dialogue formatting, and action descriptions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a crime drama, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and formatting contribute to the effectiveness of the scene.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes a grim atmosphere with the opening shot of the crime scene, immediately immersing the audience in the violent world of narco-trafficking. The use of a shutter click as the first sound is a strong choice, symbolizing the documentation of violence and the cold reality of the situation.
  • Murphy's voice-over adds a layer of commentary that contrasts the chaos of the scene with his detached professional perspective. However, the line 'we hit a home run' feels somewhat flippant given the gravity of the situation. This could undermine the emotional weight of the scene and may come off as insensitive.
  • The dialogue between Murphy and Peña is effective in conveying the shock and excitement of the moment, but it could benefit from more emotional depth. Peña's reaction, while enthusiastic, lacks a sense of the tragedy that accompanies the deaths of these individuals, which could enhance the moral complexity of the narrative.
  • The visual description of the scene is strong, but it could be enhanced by including more sensory details. For example, describing the sounds of the crime scene, the smell of blood, or the reactions of the police could create a more immersive experience for the audience.
  • The intercutting between Murphy and Peña is a good technique to show the distance between the action and the reaction, but it could be more dynamic. Instead of a static close-up of Peña, consider incorporating more movement or visual context that reflects his environment, which could heighten the tension.
Suggestions
  • Consider revising Murphy's initial line to reflect a more somber tone that acknowledges the loss of life, perhaps by expressing disbelief or a sense of responsibility for the violence.
  • Add more sensory details to the scene to create a richer atmosphere. Describe the sights, sounds, and smells that accompany the crime scene to draw the audience deeper into the moment.
  • Explore Peña's emotional response further. Perhaps he could express concern or regret about the violence, which would add complexity to his character and the situation.
  • Enhance the visual storytelling by incorporating more dynamic shots or movements during the intercutting between Murphy and Peña. This could involve showing Peña in a more chaotic environment, reflecting the urgency of the situation.
  • Consider including a brief moment of reflection from Murphy after the initial excitement, where he contemplates the implications of the deaths and the ongoing violence, adding depth to his character and the narrative.



Scene 12 -  Shadows of Consequence
INT. UNITED STATES EMBASSY - BOGOTA - DAY

Peña stands in the DEA offices of the Embassy, beside a "tree
chart" of numerous traffickers and sicarios (hit men).

MURPHY (V.O.)
Peña had wanted that motherfucker
off the tree for months.

PEÑA
I'm so happy I'll even forgive those
assholes at Centra Spike for giving
the intel to you.

MURPHY (O.S.)
Hell, I'm prettier than you are.

Peña removes a MUGSHOT of Juan Corrales Botero, aka "Sure
Shot," from the trafficker tree. He thinks of something,
stops yanking pictures--

PEÑA
Any humans involved?

MURPHY
Yeah. A bystander caught a stray.

ON MURPHY, walking toward a sprawled body.

CLOSE - ON THE DOE-EYED COLOMBIAN GIRL.

She lays face up, eyes glassy in death, a clean bullet hole
in her temple. Murphy's VOICE carries over--

MURPHY (V.O.) (CONT'D)
I wouldn't blame you if you held me
responsible for this bloodbath.

CLICK. REVERSING, to find MURPHY, peering through his camera.

MURPHY (V.O.) (CONT'D)
Yeah, I pushed the buttons. But
don't call me a bad guy just yet.

He lowers the camera as we --

FREEZE FRAME: MURPHY

MURPHY (V.O.) (CONT'D)
Good and bad are relative concepts.

CUT TO:
NARCOS Ep. 101 "Descenso" 5/13/14 9.

PRESIDENT NIXON, giving a speech. (ARCHIVAL FOOTAGE)

PRESIDENT NIXON
The more you stay in this kind of
job, the more you realize that a
public figure, a major public figure,
is a lonely man.

MURPHY (V.O.)
Take Richard Nixon, for instance.
People forget, but 47 million
Americans voted for Nixon. We thought
he was one of the good guys.

GENERAL PINOCHET, the dictator of Chile. (ARCHIVAL FOOTAGE)

GENERAL PINOCHET
The rich people are those who create
wealth, and you have to treat them
well so they continue to give wealth.

MURPHY (V.O.)
And Nixon thought Chilean General
Augusto Pinochet was a good guy `cause
he hated the commies. So we helped
Pinochet seize power.

CHILEAN DEATH SQUADS, slaughter and civilian protest, the
March of the Disappeared. (ARCHIVAL FOOTAGE)

MURPHY (V.O.) (CONT'D)
Then Pinochet turned around and killed
thousands of people. Maybe not such
a good guy after all.
Genres: ["Crime","Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In the DEA offices at the U.S. Embassy in Bogota, Peña examines a chart of traffickers, feeling relief at the removal of 'Sure Shot' but frustrated with intel sharing. Murphy reveals the tragic death of a bystander, prompting a somber reflection on the collateral damage of their operations. As Murphy captures the haunting image of a deceased Colombian girl, he contemplates the moral ambiguity of their actions, referencing historical figures to illustrate the complexities of power and violence. The scene concludes with a freeze frame of Murphy, emphasizing the weight of responsibility in their pursuit.
Strengths
  • Effective use of archival footage
  • Compelling voiceover
  • Strong character dynamics
  • Intense action sequences
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue may be overly expository
  • Transition between locations could be smoother

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively sets the tone for the series, introducing key characters and themes while providing a mix of action, reflection, and historical context. The use of archival footage and voiceover adds depth and complexity to the narrative.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of blending real-world events with fictional storytelling is innovative and compelling. It adds depth and authenticity to the narrative, exploring complex themes of power, morality, and consequences.

Plot: 8

The plot is engaging and well-developed, introducing key conflicts and characters while setting up future storylines. The scene moves the narrative forward and establishes a strong foundation for the series.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh perspective on the complexities of law enforcement and justice, blending historical references with contemporary actions. The authenticity of the characters' dialogue and actions adds depth and originality to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are intriguing and well-defined, each with their own motivations and conflicts. The scene provides insight into their personalities and relationships, setting up potential character arcs and developments.

Character Changes: 7

Several characters undergo subtle changes in the scene, particularly in their perceptions of morality and power. The events of the scene challenge their beliefs and motivations, setting up potential character growth in future episodes.

Internal Goal: 8

Peña's internal goal in this scene is to reconcile his personal morals with the harsh realities of his job. He struggles with the ethical implications of his actions and seeks to find a balance between his duty and his conscience.

External Goal: 7

Peña's external goal is to capture the trafficker 'Sure Shot' and bring him to justice. This goal reflects the immediate challenge of dismantling the drug trafficking network and preventing further violence.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The scene is filled with conflict, both internal and external, driving the characters and plot forward. The high stakes and intense action create a sense of urgency and tension.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting values and moral dilemmas creating obstacles for the characters. The audience is left uncertain about the outcome, adding to the tension and suspense.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in the scene, with characters facing life-threatening situations and moral dilemmas. The intense action and emotional impact raise the tension and urgency of the narrative.

Story Forward: 9

The scene effectively moves the story forward, introducing key conflicts, characters, and themes while setting up future plot developments. It establishes a strong foundation for the series and keeps the audience engaged and invested in the narrative.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable due to the moral ambiguity and ethical dilemmas faced by the characters. The audience is kept on edge by the conflicting values and decisions made by the protagonists.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the moral ambiguity of law enforcement actions. Peña grapples with the consequences of his decisions and the impact they have on innocent lives, highlighting the complex nature of justice and morality.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene has a strong emotional impact, eliciting shock, reflection, and intrigue from the audience. The juxtaposition of violence with historical footage adds depth and resonance to the narrative.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is sharp and impactful, revealing character dynamics and advancing the plot. It effectively conveys emotion and tension, adding depth to the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its intense atmosphere, moral dilemmas, and sharp dialogue. The audience is drawn into the characters' internal struggles and external challenges, creating a sense of suspense and intrigue.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, leading to a climactic moment that resonates with the audience. The rhythm of the dialogue and actions enhances the scene's impact.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene adheres to the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character actions. The formatting enhances the readability and impact of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a structured format that effectively builds tension and suspense. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the scene's effectiveness, leading to a compelling narrative.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the tension and moral ambiguity surrounding the drug trade, particularly through Murphy's voiceover. However, the transition from Peña's relief about Sure Shot's removal to the grim reality of the bystander's death feels abrupt. This could be smoothed out with a more gradual shift in tone, allowing the audience to digest Peña's initial excitement before confronting the tragedy.
  • Murphy's voiceover is insightful, but it risks becoming overly expository. The line 'Good and bad are relative concepts' is a strong thematic statement, yet it could benefit from a more nuanced exploration within the scene itself, perhaps through visual storytelling or character interactions rather than relying solely on voiceover.
  • The use of archival footage is a powerful choice, linking the personal consequences of the drug trade to broader historical contexts. However, the transition between Murphy's scene and the archival footage could be more seamless. The abrupt cut to Nixon and Pinochet feels jarring; a more gradual fade or a thematic bridge could enhance the flow.
  • The visual elements, particularly the close-up of the doe-eyed Colombian girl, are striking and serve to humanize the consequences of the drug war. However, the scene could benefit from additional sensory details—sounds, smells, or the atmosphere of the crime scene—to immerse the audience further in the moment.
  • The dialogue is sharp and serves the characters well, but Peña's line about forgiving Centra Spike feels slightly out of place given the gravity of the situation. It might be more effective if Peña's humor was toned down or replaced with a more somber reflection on the cost of their operations.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment of silence or a shared glance between Peña and Murphy after the revelation of the bystander's death to emphasize the weight of their actions and the emotional toll it takes on them.
  • Explore the theme of moral ambiguity through a brief exchange between Peña and Murphy, where they grapple with their roles in the violence, rather than relying solely on voiceover. This could create a more dynamic interaction and deepen character development.
  • Integrate the archival footage more fluidly by using a visual motif or thematic element that connects Murphy's personal narrative to the historical context, perhaps through a shared visual element like a newspaper headline or a photograph.
  • Enhance the sensory experience of the crime scene by incorporating ambient sounds—like distant sirens, murmurs of onlookers, or the rustling of leaves—to create a more immersive atmosphere.
  • Revisit Peña's dialogue to ensure it aligns with the scene's emotional weight. Consider replacing the humor with a line that reflects the gravity of the situation, reinforcing the serious consequences of their work.



Scene 13 -  Invasion of the Jungle Lab
EXT. JUNGLE - CHILE - DAY

Thick, forested northern Chile.

MURPHY (V.O.)
But sometimes bad guys do good things.
To kiss Nixon's ass, Pinochet went
after the cocaine labs.

EXT. DEEP JUNGLE LAB - CHILE - DAY

A tented jungle lab with white-smocked WORKERS.

MURPHY (V.O.)
Nobody knows this, but back in `73
Chile was on its way to being the
(MORE)
NARCOS Ep. 101 "Descenso" 5/13/14 10.

MURPHY (V.O.) (CONT'D)
world's biggest cocaine processing
and exporting center. They had
jungles to hide the labs and miles
of unpatrolled coastline to send the
product north.

CUT TO:

CHILEAN SOLDIERS crash through the forest.

MURPHY (V.O.) (CONT'D)
But Pinochet spoiled the party. He
shut down 33 labs and arrested 346
drug dealers.

The SOLDIERS invade the lab. DRUG WORKERS quickly give
themselves up, lacing hands behind their heads. One of them
is MATEO MORENO, a low-level manager.
Genres: ["Crime","Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In a dense jungle in northern Chile, a voiceover by Murphy reflects on the complexities of dictator Pinochet's actions against drug trafficking in 1973. As Chilean soldiers invade a cocaine processing lab, the workers, including low-level manager Mateo Moreno, surrender in a tense atmosphere. The scene highlights the moral ambiguities of political actions and the consequences of drug trafficking, ending with the soldiers asserting control over the lab and its workers.
Strengths
  • Tension
  • Action
  • Suspense
  • Conflict
  • Emotional Impact
Weaknesses
  • Minimal Dialogue
  • Lack of Character Development

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene effectively sets up a high-stakes situation with a tense and action-packed raid, showcasing the complexities of the drug trade and the conflict between law enforcement and criminals.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the scene, focusing on a raid on a drug lab in the jungle, is engaging and sets up the conflict and action that will drive the narrative forward.

Plot: 9

The plot of the scene is crucial in establishing the conflict between law enforcement and drug workers, setting the stage for the larger narrative of drug trafficking and the pursuit of justice.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh perspective on the drug trade in Chile and presents authentic character actions and dialogue that feel true to the setting and context.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters in the scene, including Mateo Moreno and the Chilean soldiers, are well-defined and contribute to the tension and conflict of the raid.

Character Changes: 7

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the events of the raid will likely have a lasting impact on the characters involved.

Internal Goal: 8

Mateo Moreno's internal goal in this scene is likely survival and avoiding arrest. His deeper need is to protect himself and potentially his family from the consequences of his involvement in illegal drug activities.

External Goal: 7

Mateo Moreno's external goal in this scene is to avoid being caught by the Chilean soldiers raiding the lab and potentially escape punishment for his involvement in drug production.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The scene is filled with conflict, both physical and moral, as law enforcement clashes with drug workers in a high-stakes raid.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Chilean soldiers posing a significant threat to Mateo Moreno and the other drug workers, creating a sense of danger and uncertainty.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in this scene, with lives on the line and the future of the drug trade hanging in the balance.

Story Forward: 9

The scene effectively moves the story forward by introducing a key conflict and setting up the larger narrative of drug trafficking and law enforcement efforts.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because the audience is unsure of Mateo Moreno's fate and how he will navigate the dangerous situation he finds himself in.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the morality of engaging in illegal drug activities for personal gain. Mateo Moreno's beliefs and values may be challenged by the consequences of his actions.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene has a strong emotional impact, particularly in the somber aftermath of the raid and the consequences of the characters' actions.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue in the scene is minimal but effective in conveying the urgency and tension of the situation.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its high stakes, fast-paced action, and moral dilemmas that keep the audience invested in the characters' fates.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience on edge as the action unfolds.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with proper scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a crime drama genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution.


Critique
  • The scene effectively juxtaposes the moral ambiguity of Pinochet's actions, highlighting the complexity of historical figures in the drug trade. However, the transition from discussing Pinochet's crackdown on drug labs to his later atrocities feels abrupt. A smoother transition could enhance the flow and deepen the audience's understanding of the character's duality.
  • Murphy's voiceover provides valuable context, but it could benefit from more emotional weight. Currently, it reads as a factual recounting rather than a reflection on the implications of these events. Adding personal stakes or emotional resonance could make Murphy's perspective more relatable and impactful.
  • The visual description of the jungle lab and the soldiers invading is clear, but it lacks sensory details that could immerse the audience further. Describing the sounds of the jungle, the tension in the air, or the expressions of the drug workers could enhance the scene's atmosphere and urgency.
  • Mateo Moreno's introduction as a low-level manager is intriguing, but the scene does not provide enough context about his character or his significance in the larger narrative. A brief moment of internal conflict or fear could make him more relatable and heighten the stakes of the invasion.
  • The pacing of the scene feels rushed, particularly during the soldiers' invasion. Allowing for a moment of tension before the soldiers crash through the forest could build suspense and make the subsequent surrender of the drug workers more impactful.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a line or two in Murphy's voiceover that reflects on the irony of Pinochet's actions—how a dictator could simultaneously combat drug trafficking while committing human rights abuses. This could deepen the moral complexity of the narrative.
  • Incorporate sensory details to create a more vivid atmosphere. Describe the sounds of the jungle, the tension among the drug workers, and the chaotic energy of the soldiers' invasion to draw the audience into the scene.
  • Introduce Mateo Moreno with a brief moment of internal conflict or fear as the soldiers approach. This could help the audience connect with him and understand the gravity of the situation.
  • Slow down the pacing during the soldiers' approach to build suspense. Consider a moment where the soldiers are hidden, and the audience can feel the tension before the action unfolds.
  • Ensure that the transition between discussing Pinochet's crackdown and his later actions is smoother. Perhaps include a line that reflects on the duality of his legacy, setting up the audience for the moral complexities that follow.



Scene 14 -  Execution in the Jungle
EXT. DEEP JUNGLE LAB - CHILE - LATER

A bunch of DEALERS, hands tied behind them, are lined up in
front of a firing squad.

MURPHY (V.O.)
And then-- being Pinochet-- he had
them all killed.

Moreno is scared shitless. His body quivers.

CHILEAN SOLDIER
(in Spanish)
Ready. Aim. Fire.

A FUSILLADE OF GUNFIRE. The dealers collapse.
Genres: ["Crime","Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In a tense scene set in a deep jungle lab in Chile, a group of drug dealers, including the terrified Mateo Moreno, are lined up before a firing squad. As a Chilean soldier commands the execution, Murphy's voiceover reflects on the brutality of Pinochet's regime. The atmosphere is filled with fear and impending doom, culminating in the chilling moment when the squad fires, resulting in the dealers collapsing to the ground.
Strengths
  • Tension-building
  • Shock value
  • Plot progression
Weaknesses
  • Limited character development
  • Minimal dialogue

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively conveys a sense of tension and shock through its depiction of a brutal execution, keeping the audience engaged and emotionally invested.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a brutal execution in a jungle lab adds depth to the narrative, showcasing the ruthless nature of the characters and setting the stage for further developments.

Plot: 8

The plot is advanced significantly through the introduction of the execution scene, setting up future conflicts and character arcs.

Originality: 8

The scene presents a fresh approach to the theme of political violence and survival, with authentic character actions and dialogue that feel true to the setting and context.


Character Development

Characters: 7

While the characters involved in the execution are not deeply explored in this scene, their actions and reactions contribute to the overall tension and shock of the moment.

Character Changes: 6

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the events that unfold set the stage for potential transformations in the future.

Internal Goal: 8

Moreno's internal goal in this scene is likely survival and fear. His body quivering and being scared shitless indicate his immediate need to stay alive in a life-threatening situation.

External Goal: 7

Moreno's external goal is to survive the firing squad and escape the dangerous situation he is in.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The level of conflict in the scene is high, as the brutal execution creates tension and sets up future confrontations between characters.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Moreno facing a life-threatening situation and uncertain outcome.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in this scene, as the brutal execution raises the tension and sets the tone for the dangerous world the characters inhabit.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by introducing a key event that will have repercussions on the narrative, driving the plot towards further developments.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the sudden and shocking turn of events, leaving the audience unsure of Moreno's fate.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the value of human life and the brutality of political violence. It challenges Moreno's beliefs about justice, power, and survival.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene has a significant emotional impact on the audience, evoking feelings of fear, surprise, and sadness through its depiction of violence and brutality.

Dialogue: 6

The dialogue in the scene is minimal but impactful, conveying the seriousness of the situation and the ruthlessness of the characters involved.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its high stakes, intense action, and emotional depth, keeping the audience on the edge of their seats.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is fast-paced and intense, effectively building tension and suspense as the events unfold.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and concise, effectively conveying the action and dialogue in a visually engaging way.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a tense and dramatic moment, building suspense and conflict effectively.


Critique
  • The scene effectively conveys a sense of dread and finality with the execution of the drug dealers, which aligns with the overarching themes of violence and moral ambiguity in the narrative. However, the emotional impact could be heightened by delving deeper into Moreno's internal struggle. As a low-level manager, his fear and desperation could be explored more vividly to create a stronger connection with the audience.
  • The use of Murphy's voiceover is a powerful narrative tool, but it feels somewhat detached from the immediate action. While it provides context about Pinochet's brutal regime, it might benefit from a more personal reflection from Moreno's perspective, allowing the audience to feel the weight of the moment through his eyes rather than just through historical commentary.
  • The dialogue from the Chilean soldier is minimal, which is appropriate for the tense atmosphere. However, adding a brief moment of hesitation or a chilling command could enhance the tension before the execution. This would create a more palpable sense of fear and anticipation for both the characters and the audience.
  • The visual description of the scene is stark and effective, but it could be enhanced by incorporating sensory details that evoke the jungle environment. Describing the sounds of the jungle, the heat, or the smell of gunpowder could immerse the audience further into the setting and heighten the emotional stakes.
  • The abruptness of the scene's conclusion, with the dealers collapsing after the gunfire, is impactful but could be expanded upon. A moment of silence or a lingering shot on Moreno's reaction after the execution could serve to emphasize the horror of the situation and allow the audience to process the gravity of the violence.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief internal monologue for Moreno that reflects his thoughts and fears just before the execution. This could help the audience empathize with him and understand his character more deeply.
  • Incorporate more sensory details to create a vivid atmosphere. Describe the sounds of the jungle, the heat of the day, or the tension in the air to enhance the scene's immersion.
  • Introduce a moment of hesitation or a chilling command from the Chilean soldier before the execution to build tension and create a more dramatic lead-up to the gunfire.
  • Expand the aftermath of the execution by including a shot of Moreno's reaction or a moment of silence that allows the audience to absorb the horror of the event.
  • Consider using a more personal voiceover from Murphy that reflects on the implications of the violence, rather than just historical context, to create a stronger emotional connection to the scene.



Scene 15 -  Survival Among the Dead
EXT. JUNGLE - CHILE - LATER

SOLDIERS toss the bodies in a mass grave.

MURPHY (V.O.)
They say when a nuclear holocaust
destroys the world, only the
cockroaches will survive.

CLOSE - ON A MASS GRAVE

Beneath the corpses, there is movement. A solitary man fights
his way out of the grave, frantically pushing aside the bodies
to emerge, covered in blood.
NARCOS Ep. 101 "Descenso" 5/13/14 11.

MURPHY (V.O.) (CONT'D)
I guess they were right.

CLOSE - MATEO MORENO, wild-eyed.

MURPHY (V.O.) (CONT'D)
The bullets missed Mateo Moreno, aka
"Cockroach," and he was smart enough
to play dead. He wasn't killed on
that day...
Genres: ["Crime","Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In a dark and grim jungle scene in Chile, soldiers dispose of bodies in a mass grave following a violent massacre. Amidst the corpses, Mateo Moreno, known as 'Cockroach,' struggles to escape, covered in blood. Murphy's voiceover reflects on the resilience of cockroaches, paralleling Mateo's survival as he played dead during the chaos. The scene culminates with Mateo's desperate emergence from the grave, symbolizing his fight for survival against overwhelming odds.
Strengths
  • Tense atmosphere
  • Effective portrayal of survival instinct
  • High stakes and conflict
Weaknesses
  • Limited character development for Mateo Moreno
  • Potential for more nuanced dialogue

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively establishes a tense and dark atmosphere, introducing a key character and showcasing the brutal consequences of the drug trade. The survival theme adds depth to the narrative and creates intrigue for the audience.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of survival in a violent world is compelling and adds depth to the narrative. It explores themes of resilience, fear, and the harsh realities of the drug trade, setting the stage for character development and conflict.

Plot: 8

The plot progression in the scene is engaging, moving the story forward by introducing a key character and establishing the dangerous world of the drug trade. The conflict and stakes are heightened, setting up future developments.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh take on the post-apocalyptic genre by focusing on the individual struggle for survival in a brutal environment. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 7

While Mateo Moreno is the focus of the scene, his character is not fully developed yet. However, his survival instinct and fear add depth to his personality, hinting at potential growth and challenges ahead.

Character Changes: 6

Mateo Moreno undergoes a significant change in the scene, transitioning from a state of fear and shock to a survival instinct that propels him to escape death. This sets the stage for potential growth and development in his character.

Internal Goal: 8

Mateo Moreno's internal goal in this scene is survival. His deeper need is to overcome the odds and continue living despite the dangerous circumstances he finds himself in.

External Goal: 7

Mateo Moreno's external goal in this scene is to evade capture or death by the soldiers. It reflects the immediate challenge of escaping the mass grave and avoiding detection.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The level of conflict in the scene is high, with Mateo Moreno facing imminent danger and fighting for survival. The stakes are raised, creating a tense and suspenseful atmosphere that drives the narrative forward.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Mateo facing the threat of capture or death by the soldiers, creating a sense of danger and uncertainty.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes in the scene are high, with Mateo Moreno facing imminent death and fighting for survival in a violent and unforgiving world. The consequences of failure are severe, adding tension and urgency to the narrative.

Story Forward: 8

The scene effectively moves the story forward by introducing a key character, establishing the dangerous world of the drug trade, and setting up future conflicts and developments. It adds depth to the narrative and creates intrigue for the audience.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because the audience is unsure of Mateo's fate as he fights his way out of the mass grave, creating tension and suspense.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the value of survival at any cost. Mateo's decision to play dead and fight for his life challenges traditional notions of honor and morality in a desperate situation.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene has a strong emotional impact, evoking fear, tension, and shock in the audience. Mateo Moreno's struggle for survival elicits empathy and sets the stage for future emotional developments.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the tension and fear experienced by Mateo Moreno. It adds to the atmosphere and builds suspense, enhancing the overall impact of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense and suspenseful atmosphere, drawing the audience into Mateo's desperate struggle for survival.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged as Mateo struggles to escape the mass grave.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with clear descriptions and dialogue that enhance the visual and emotional impact of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a post-apocalyptic drama, effectively setting up the protagonist's struggle for survival and introducing the harsh world they inhabit.


Critique
  • The scene effectively uses the imagery of a mass grave to convey the brutality of the drug trade and the violence associated with it. The visual of soldiers tossing bodies into the grave is stark and impactful, setting a grim tone that aligns with the overall narrative of the series.
  • Murphy's voiceover serves as a powerful narrative device, drawing a parallel between the survival of cockroaches and Mateo Moreno's escape from death. This metaphor is compelling and adds depth to the character of Moreno, suggesting resilience in the face of overwhelming odds.
  • The transition from the gunfire in the previous scene to the aftermath in this scene is well-executed, creating a sense of continuity and escalating tension. However, the emotional weight of the scene could be enhanced by providing more context about the victims and their significance in the drug trade, which would deepen the audience's investment in the narrative.
  • The pacing of the scene is effective, with the quick cuts between the soldiers and Moreno's struggle to escape creating a sense of urgency. However, the scene could benefit from a brief moment of silence or stillness to allow the audience to absorb the horror of the situation before Moreno's emergence, heightening the impact of his survival.
  • While the voiceover is strong, it could be more varied in tone to reflect the gravity of the situation. Currently, it maintains a somewhat detached narrative style, which may lessen the emotional resonance. Incorporating more visceral language or personal reflections from Murphy could enhance the connection between the audience and the characters.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief flashback or visual cue that highlights Moreno's life before this moment, which could create a stronger emotional connection to his character and make his survival more poignant.
  • Introduce a moment of hesitation or fear from Moreno as he emerges from the grave, which could add depth to his character and emphasize the trauma he has experienced.
  • Explore the use of sound design in this scene; the contrast between the gunfire and the silence of the grave could be emphasized through audio cues, enhancing the atmosphere of horror and survival.
  • Incorporate a brief interaction or reaction from the soldiers as they toss the bodies, which could provide insight into their mindset and further illustrate the brutality of the situation.
  • Consider varying the pacing of the voiceover to match the intensity of the visuals, perhaps slowing down during key moments to allow the audience to fully absorb the horror of the scene.



Scene 16 -  Desperate Revelations
INT. SHACK - CHILE - DAY

Cockroach bursts through the door.

MURPHY (V.O.)
Instead, he won the damn lottery.

His WIFE approaches, horrified.

COCKROACH
Start packing. We have to leave the
country. Pinochet wants to kill me.

COCKROACH'S WIFE
You're a communist?!

COCKROACH
No, I'm a fucking drug dealer!

CLOSE: ON A DRAWER

Cockroach slides it open to reveal a KILO OF COKE.

MURPHY (V.O.)
Cockroach had been stealing from his
bosses for months. Now he was left
alone in the world with the perfect
product. A product whose offer
creates its own demand.

CUT TO:

OVERHEAD SHOT - A MAZE

A RAT scurries through the maze at lightning speed.

MURPHY (V.O.)
Back then, we were just finding out
about the effects of cocaine on the
human brain. We didn't know much,
but we knew it was powerful shit.
NARCOS Ep. 101 "Descenso" 5/13/14 12.
Genres: ["Crime","Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In a tense scene set in a rundown shack in Chile, Cockroach bursts in, urging his wife to pack as he fears for his life due to threats from Pinochet. His frantic demeanor reveals a shocking truth: he is a drug dealer, not a communist, as he shows her a kilo of cocaine he has been stealing. His wife's horror at this revelation creates a rift between them, underscoring the danger of their situation. The scene captures the chaos of their lives, ending with a symbolic shot of a rat navigating a maze, reflecting the perilous world Cockroach inhabits.
Strengths
  • Strong character development
  • Tense atmosphere
  • Compelling dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Limited visual description
  • Lack of external action

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively sets up a tense and suspenseful atmosphere, introducing a key character and highlighting the dangerous nature of the drug trade. The revelation of Cockroach's predicament adds depth to the narrative and raises the stakes for the characters involved.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring the inner workings of a drug dealer in a high-stakes environment is compelling and adds depth to the overall narrative. The scene effectively conveys the dangers and complexities of the drug trade.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene is engaging, introducing key elements of the story and setting up future conflicts and developments. The revelation of Cockroach's situation adds intrigue and raises questions about his role in the larger narrative.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh approach to the theme of drug trafficking by incorporating political elements and moral dilemmas. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters in the scene, particularly Cockroach and his wife, are well-developed and intriguing. Cockroach's desperation and his wife's shock add depth to their dynamic and set the stage for future character arcs.

Character Changes: 8

Cockroach undergoes a significant change in the scene, transitioning from a position of vulnerability to one of power and agency. His decision to take control of his situation sets the stage for future character development.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to survive and escape the dangerous situation he finds himself in. This reflects his fear of being killed and his desire to protect himself and his loved ones.

External Goal: 7.5

The protagonist's external goal is to escape the country and avoid being killed by Pinochet. This reflects the immediate challenge he is facing and the urgency of the situation.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The level of conflict in the scene is high, with Cockroach facing imminent danger and making crucial decisions that will impact his future. The tension between characters and the dangerous situation they find themselves in heighten the stakes.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist facing multiple obstacles and challenges that create suspense and drive the plot forward.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes in the scene are high, with Cockroach facing the threat of death and making a life-changing decision. The dangerous world of the drug trade and the consequences of his actions raise the stakes for all characters involved.

Story Forward: 9

The scene effectively moves the story forward, introducing key plot points and character dynamics that will drive future developments. Cockroach's revelation and decision to take action propel the narrative in a new direction.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists and turns in the plot, keeping the audience guessing about the characters' fates.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is the protagonist's moral dilemma of being involved in illegal activities like drug dealing. This challenges his beliefs and values, as he is forced to confront the consequences of his actions.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene has a strong emotional impact, eliciting fear, shock, and tension from the audience. Cockroach's desperate situation and the consequences of his actions resonate emotionally, drawing the audience into the narrative.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the fear and tension of the characters, adding to the overall atmosphere of suspense. The interactions between Cockroach and his wife reveal key aspects of their relationship and motivations.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its fast-paced action, high stakes, and moral dilemmas that keep the audience on the edge of their seats.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by maintaining a sense of urgency and tension, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the characters' fates.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings, dialogue formatting, and action descriptions that enhance readability.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution that drive the narrative forward.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes a sense of urgency and danger, with Cockroach's frantic entrance and his immediate demand for his wife to pack. This creates a strong hook that draws the audience into the narrative.
  • The dialogue is sharp and impactful, particularly Cockroach's declaration of his identity as a drug dealer. This moment serves to clarify his character and the stakes he faces, but it could benefit from more emotional depth to enhance the audience's connection to his plight.
  • Murphy's voiceover provides valuable context and insight into Cockroach's situation, but it feels somewhat detached from the immediate action. Integrating the voiceover more closely with the visual elements could enhance the emotional weight of the scene.
  • The visual transition from the tense domestic scene to the overhead shot of the rat in the maze is a clever metaphor for the drug trade and addiction. However, the connection between the two scenes could be made clearer to ensure the audience fully grasps the thematic implications.
  • The pacing of the scene is generally effective, but the transition to the rat maze could be smoother. The abrupt cut might confuse viewers who are not immediately able to connect the metaphor to Cockroach's situation.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment of hesitation or fear from Cockroach's wife to deepen the emotional stakes and illustrate the impact of his lifestyle on their relationship.
  • Enhance the voiceover by incorporating more visceral descriptions of Cockroach's feelings or thoughts as he confronts his reality, making it more personal and relatable.
  • To strengthen the metaphor of the rat in the maze, consider showing Cockroach's frantic movements in the shack paralleling the rat's navigation through the maze, visually linking their struggles.
  • Explore the possibility of including a brief flashback or visual cue that hints at Cockroach's past decisions leading to this moment, providing context for his current predicament.
  • Ensure that the transition between the domestic scene and the rat maze is more fluid, perhaps by using sound design or visual motifs that bridge the two moments, reinforcing the thematic connection.



Scene 17 -  Addiction's Parallel
INT. LABORATORY - STANFORD UNIVERSITY - DAY

The rat reaches the end of the maze and hits a lever.

WIDER, to reveal a PROFESSOR instructing a STUDENT.

PROFESSOR
Make sure the retractable levers are
extended into the box.

MURPHY (V.O.)
Cocaine hijacks pleasure centers in
the brain. A rat will choose cocaine
over food and water.

PROFESSOR
Record locomotor activity after the
subject self-administers.

CLOSE - ON THE RAT

It hits the LEVER again and again.

MURPHY (V.O.)
It will choose cocaine over sleep,
over sex, over life itself.

WIDER, as the Professor walks out--

PROFESSOR
Make sure you refill the Merck
containers as needed. Let's see if
self-administration leads to
starvation.

He exits. The Student examines the vial of flaky-pink Merck
cocaine, pours some on the counter.

MURPHY (V.O.)
The human brain isn't quite the same
as a rodent's...

The Student SNORTS a line of coke.

MURPHY (V.O.) (CONT'D)
Unless we're talking about cocaine.
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In a Stanford University laboratory, a rat demonstrates the addictive nature of cocaine by navigating a maze and self-administering the drug. A professor instructs a student on the experiment, emphasizing the importance of observing the rat's behavior. However, after the professor leaves, the student succumbs to temptation and snorts cocaine, mirroring the rat's compulsive behavior. The scene highlights the unsettling parallels between human and animal addiction, leaving the ethical implications unresolved.
Strengths
  • Effective use of imagery to convey the impact of addiction
  • Innovative concept that adds depth to the narrative
Weaknesses
  • Limited character development
  • Minimal plot progression

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively conveys the destructive power of cocaine addiction through a scientific lens, creating a sense of unease and foreboding.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of using a scientific experiment to explore the effects of cocaine addiction is innovative and thought-provoking.

Plot: 7

While the plot is minimal in this scene, the focus on the experiment and its implications adds depth to the overall narrative.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh approach to exploring addiction and scientific research, with authentic character actions and dialogue that add depth to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 6

The characters in this scene serve primarily as conduits for the exploration of addiction and scientific experimentation.

Character Changes: 4

There is minimal character development in this scene, as the focus is on the experiment and its implications.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to understand the effects of cocaine on the brain and behavior, reflecting a deeper desire to uncover the complexities of addiction and human behavior.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to conduct experiments on rats to observe their behavior when exposed to cocaine, reflecting the immediate challenge of conducting research and gathering data.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 5

The conflict in this scene is internal, as the experiment highlights the struggle between addiction and self-control.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with moral dilemmas and ethical conflicts challenging the protagonist's actions and beliefs.

High Stakes: 6

The high stakes in this scene revolve around the destructive power of addiction and the potential consequences for those involved.

Story Forward: 6

The scene provides insight into the theme of addiction and sets the stage for further exploration of this topic in the narrative.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected actions of the characters and the moral dilemmas presented.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict revolves around the ethical implications of using animals in research and the morality of studying addiction through experimentation. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs about the value of scientific discovery versus ethical considerations.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes a sense of unease and discomfort, tapping into the emotional impact of addiction and its consequences.

Dialogue: 5

The dialogue is functional, serving to explain the experiment and its implications rather than focusing on character development.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its tense atmosphere, moral complexity, and the unfolding of the protagonist's goals and conflicts.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, enhancing the overall effectiveness of the narrative.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with clear scene descriptions and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a scientific research setting, with clear progression and development of the protagonist's goals.


Critique
  • The scene effectively uses the laboratory setting to draw a parallel between the behavior of rats and humans in relation to cocaine addiction. This metaphor is powerful and highlights the theme of addiction in a stark manner.
  • Murphy's voiceover is informative and serves to contextualize the visual elements, but it could benefit from a more emotional or personal touch. Currently, it feels somewhat clinical, which may distance the audience from the gravity of the subject matter.
  • The transition from the professor's instructions to the student's actions is smooth, but the scene could explore the student's internal conflict or moral ambiguity regarding drug use. This would add depth to the character and enhance the emotional stakes.
  • The visual focus on the rat's repetitive behavior is compelling, but it might be more impactful if the scene included a brief moment of reflection from the student after he snorts the cocaine. This could serve to illustrate the human tendency to ignore the consequences of addiction.
  • The dialogue from the professor is functional but lacks personality. Adding a touch of character to the professor's lines could make the scene more engaging and memorable.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment where the student hesitates before snorting the cocaine, showcasing an internal struggle that reflects the broader themes of addiction and choice.
  • Enhance Murphy's voiceover by incorporating a personal anecdote or a more emotional perspective on addiction, which could resonate more deeply with the audience.
  • Introduce a brief exchange between the professor and the student that reveals their differing views on drug use or addiction, adding layers to their characters and the scene's dynamics.
  • Explore the aftermath of the student's action by showing a physical or emotional reaction, which could serve as a stark reminder of the consequences of addiction.
  • Infuse the professor's dialogue with more personality or quirks to make him a more memorable character, potentially using humor or sarcasm to lighten the heavy subject matter.



Scene 18 -  Crossing Borders: The Smuggler's Dilemma
EXT. BORDER - PERU/COLOMBIA - DAY

Cockroach's Renault pulls to a checkpoint. His wife sits in
the passenger seat.
NARCOS Ep. 101 "Descenso" 5/13/14 13.

MURPHY (V.O.)
Cockroach knew he had the perfect
product. He just needed to smuggle
it to the right markets. And the
best smugglers in the world were in
Colombia.

The sign above the border patrol says: "COLOMBIA."

CUT TO:

A QUARTER HORSE, doing "dainty-steps" in a ring.

MURPHY (V.O.) (CONT'D)
Like Goldilocks, he had three options.
And pay attention, because all three
are important to this story.
Genres: ["Crime","Drama","Thriller"]

Summary At a border checkpoint between Peru and Colombia, Cockroach, determined to smuggle cocaine, sits in his Renault with his silent wife. Murphy's voiceover reveals Cockroach's ambitions and the critical role of Colombian smugglers, while hinting at three pivotal options he must consider. The scene is tense and anticipatory, underscored by the contrasting visual of a quarter horse performing delicate steps, symbolizing the precarious nature of his operation.
Strengths
  • Effective tension and suspense
  • Compelling exploration of themes
  • Strong emotional impact
Weaknesses
  • Pacing could be improved
  • Clarity of certain elements

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively sets up a high-stakes situation with tension and suspense, while also providing reflective moments that add depth to the narrative.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of exploring the world of cocaine smuggling and its deadly consequences is compelling and well-executed. The scene effectively conveys the dangers and moral complexities of the drug trade.

Plot: 8

The plot is engaging and moves forward effectively, setting up a high-stakes situation with significant consequences. The scene adds depth to the overall narrative and raises the stakes for the characters involved.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on the smuggling narrative, focusing on the protagonist's internal struggles and moral dilemmas. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 7

The characters are well-developed and their decisions drive the plot forward. There is room for further exploration of their motivations and internal conflicts to enhance the emotional impact of the scene.

Character Changes: 7

There are subtle changes in the characters' perspectives and motivations throughout the scene, particularly in response to the escalating conflict and deadly consequences. Further development in this area could enhance the character arcs.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to successfully navigate the border checkpoint and reach the Colombian market with his product. This reflects his desire for success and the fear of failure.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to smuggle his product into Colombia and find the right market for it. This reflects the immediate challenge he is facing in the scene.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The level of conflict in the scene is high, with escalating tensions and deadly consequences driving the narrative forward. The stakes are raised significantly, adding intensity to the situation.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the border patrol serving as a formidable obstacle for the protagonist.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in the scene, with deadly consequences and escalating tensions driving the narrative forward. The characters are faced with life-changing decisions that will have significant repercussions.

Story Forward: 8

The scene effectively moves the story forward by introducing new challenges and consequences for the characters. It sets up future conflicts and developments, driving the narrative towards a resolution.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the uncertain outcome of the protagonist's smuggling operation and the potential obstacles he may face.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict is between the protagonist's desire for success through smuggling and the moral implications of his actions. This challenges his beliefs and values.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene has a strong emotional impact, with shocking moments and somber reflections adding depth to the characters and their decisions. The consequences of their actions resonate with the audience.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue effectively conveys the tension and seriousness of the situation, with moments of reflection adding depth to the characters. There is potential for more impactful exchanges to further enhance the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the tension created by the border checkpoint and the protagonist's high-stakes mission.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene builds tension effectively, leading to a climactic moment at the border checkpoint.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is well-executed, with clear transitions between locations and characters.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with a clear setup of the protagonist's goals and challenges.


Critique
  • The scene effectively transitions from the previous one, maintaining the narrative flow while introducing Cockroach's ambition. However, the connection between the previous scene's focus on addiction and this scene's emphasis on smuggling could be strengthened. The abrupt shift from the laboratory setting to the border checkpoint feels slightly disjointed, and a smoother transition could enhance the overall coherence.
  • Murphy's voiceover provides valuable context about Cockroach's motivations and the significance of Colombian smugglers. However, the metaphor of Goldilocks and the three options feels somewhat forced and may distract from the gravity of the situation. It could benefit from a more organic integration into the narrative, perhaps by directly relating the options to Cockroach's character or the stakes involved.
  • The visual of the quarter horse performing dainty steps is intriguing but lacks immediate relevance to the scene's context. While it may serve as a metaphor for the choices Cockroach faces, it could be more impactful if the imagery directly tied back to the drug trade or Cockroach's journey. As it stands, it feels like a non sequitur that could confuse the audience.
  • The dialogue is minimal, which works for the scene's tone, but it may benefit from a brief exchange between Cockroach and his wife to establish their relationship dynamics and the tension surrounding their situation. This could add depth to their characters and heighten the stakes as they approach the border.
  • The scene's pacing is generally effective, but the transition from the checkpoint to the horse could be more deliberate. A moment of tension or uncertainty at the border could enhance the stakes and create a more gripping atmosphere as Cockroach prepares to smuggle cocaine.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief dialogue exchange between Cockroach and his wife to establish their relationship and the tension of the moment, which would enhance character development.
  • Rework the Goldilocks metaphor to make it more relevant to Cockroach's character or the stakes of the drug trade, ensuring it feels organic within the narrative.
  • Enhance the transition from the border checkpoint to the quarter horse by incorporating a moment of tension or uncertainty, such as a border guard's scrutiny, to heighten the stakes.
  • Explore the visual connection between the quarter horse and the drug trade more explicitly, perhaps by showing the horse in a context that relates to smuggling or the lifestyle of drug dealers.
  • Consider maintaining a more consistent tone throughout the scene by ensuring that the imagery and voiceover align closely with the themes of danger and ambition present in Cockroach's journey.



Scene 19 -  Show of Wealth and Power
EXT. HORSE RIDING RING - MEDELLÍN - DAY

A horse show. FABIO OCHOA rides a "dainty-step" quarter
horse as its hooves blur with mincing, cartoon-like speed.

MURPHY (V.O.)
The Ochoa Brothers: Jorge, Juan David,
and that's Fabio. The typical
Colombian smuggling family: they
made a fortune from contraband.

Brothers JUAN DAVID and JORGE, wearing Polo shirts next to
their beautiful GIRLFRIENDS, applaud.

MURPHY (V.O.) (CONT'D)
They were smart and handsome, but
Cockroach felt the high life had
made them soft...

The horse is so steady that Fabio balances a teacup on his
head without dropping it.

CUT TO:

CLOSE - JOSE RODRIGUEZ GACHA

Steps into FRAME, wearing a sombrero and holding a carbine.

MURPHY (V.O.) (CONT'D)
There was Jose Rodriguez Gacha -
nicknamed "The Mexican" for his love
of tequila and sombreros. He
dominated the emerald smuggling
routes.
NARCOS Ep. 101 "Descenso" 5/13/14 14.
Genres: ["Crime","Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In a daytime horse riding ring in Medellín, Fabio Ochoa showcases his impressive riding skills by balancing a teacup on his head, while his brothers Juan David and Jorge applaud alongside their girlfriends. The scene, narrated by Murphy, introduces the Ochoa Brothers, hinting at their complacency due to their wealth from smuggling. The atmosphere shifts with the entrance of Jose Rodriguez Gacha, a dominant figure in the emerald smuggling routes, highlighting the contrast between the Ochoas' glamorous lifestyle and the darker implications of their activities.
Strengths
  • Effective character introductions
  • Compelling thematic exploration
  • Engaging dialogue and interactions
Weaknesses
  • Potential information overload with the introduction of multiple characters and plot threads

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively sets up the contrasting worlds of wealth and violence, introducing key characters and establishing a sense of impending conflict. The mix of tones keeps the audience engaged and intrigued.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of contrasting the opulent lifestyles of drug smugglers with the violent consequences of their actions is compelling. The scene effectively sets up the central themes of power, wealth, and morality in the drug trade.

Plot: 8

The plot is advanced through the introduction of key characters, their relationships, and the brewing conflicts within the drug trade. The scene sets the stage for future developments and establishes the stakes for the characters involved.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a unique setting and characters, blending elements of luxury and criminality in a visually striking way. The dialogue and actions feel authentic and add depth to the characters.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The scene introduces a diverse cast of characters with distinct personalities and motivations. Each character's actions and dialogue provide insight into their roles in the narrative, setting up potential character arcs and conflicts.

Character Changes: 7

While there are no significant character changes within the scene, the introduction of key characters and their motivations sets the stage for potential growth and transformation as the narrative unfolds.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to maintain his composure and skill while showcasing his horse riding abilities. This reflects his desire to prove himself as a skilled and confident individual.

External Goal: 7.5

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to impress the audience and maintain his reputation as a skilled horse rider. This reflects the immediate challenge of performing well in front of a crowd.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The scene establishes multiple layers of conflict, from the internal struggles of the characters to the external threats they face in the drug trade. The tension builds as the scene progresses, hinting at future confrontations.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the introduction of Jose Rodriguez Gacha as a potential rival or threat to the protagonist.

High Stakes: 8

The scene establishes high stakes through the dangerous world of the drug trade, the potential conflicts between characters, and the violent consequences of their actions. The risks and rewards are clearly defined, adding tension to the narrative.

Story Forward: 9

The scene effectively moves the story forward by introducing key plot points, conflicts, and character dynamics. It sets up future developments and raises questions that drive the narrative forward.

Unpredictability: 7.5

This scene is unpredictable because of the introduction of Jose Rodriguez Gacha, hinting at future conflicts and challenges for the protagonist.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between the luxurious lifestyle of the Colombian smuggling family and the perception of being 'soft' by their rival, Cockroach. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs about success and toughness.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from intrigue and suspense to somber reflection on the consequences of violence. The shocking events and character dynamics add depth to the emotional impact of the scene.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys information about the characters, their relationships, and the larger context of the drug trade. It blends exposition with character interactions, adding depth to the storytelling.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its fast-paced action, intriguing characters, and hints at upcoming conflicts.

Pacing: 8.5

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and introducing key elements of the story, keeping the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings, character introductions, and visual descriptions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with a setup of the horse show, introduction of characters, and a hint at the upcoming conflict with Jose Rodriguez Gacha.


Critique
  • The scene effectively introduces the Ochoa Brothers and their lifestyle, but it lacks a strong emotional hook. While the visuals of the horse show are engaging, the scene could benefit from deeper character development or conflict to make the audience care more about the characters involved.
  • Murphy's voiceover provides context but feels somewhat detached. It would be more impactful if it included personal anecdotes or reflections that connect Murphy to the Ochoa Brothers, enhancing the narrative's emotional weight.
  • The juxtaposition of the horse show with the violent world of drug trafficking is intriguing, but the transition could be more pronounced. The scene could hint at the darker implications of their lifestyle, perhaps through subtle visual cues or foreshadowing.
  • The introduction of Jose Rodriguez Gacha is effective, but it could be strengthened by showing his influence or power in a more dynamic way. Instead of just stating his nickname and role, consider illustrating a moment that showcases his dominance in the emerald smuggling routes.
  • The dialogue is minimal, which is appropriate for the scene's tone, but adding a brief exchange between the brothers or their girlfriends could provide insight into their personalities and relationships, making them feel more three-dimensional.
Suggestions
  • Incorporate a moment of tension or conflict during the horse show, such as a rival gang member watching from the sidelines, to foreshadow the dangers of their lifestyle.
  • Enhance Murphy's voiceover by including a personal connection or a moral dilemma he faces regarding the Ochoa Brothers, which would create a stronger narrative thread.
  • Consider adding a visual element that contrasts the beauty of the horse show with the harsh realities of the drug trade, such as a quick cut to a violent scene or a news report about drug-related violence.
  • Introduce Gacha with a more dramatic entrance, perhaps by showing him interacting with the brothers or making a threatening gesture that establishes his power and influence.
  • Add a brief dialogue exchange among the brothers or their girlfriends that reveals their personalities, aspirations, or insecurities, making them more relatable and engaging to the audience.



Scene 20 -  Power Play at the Checkpoint
INT. LUXURY FINCA - MEDELLÍN - NIGHT

REVERSING, to find a sophisticated cocktail party.

MURPHY (V.O.)
Emeralds were a pretty rough trade
even by Colombian standards. If you
make it to the top, it means you've
killed your enemies and...

GACHA'S PARTNER
Hey partner, what are you doing here?

Gacha and two GUNMEN mow down the party guests with their
machine guns. Smokey, horrible carnage.

MURPHY (V.O.)
Cockroach worried that the emerald
trade had made Gacha too hard...

Gacha and his men exit the party.

MURPHY (V.O.) (CONT'D)
So he zeroed in on his third option.
A man who Cockroach knew would be
"just right..."

TIGHT: ON PABLO ESCOBAR

MURPHY (V.O.) (CONT'D)
Yeah. You guessed it. Pablo Escobar.
The man who would change my life
forever.

Pablo calmly pops a Chiclet in his mouth. He's driving in
the front seat of a jeep.

CAMERA PULLING BACK

To reveal his cousin GUSTAVO, late 20s, as passenger.

CAMERA RISES HIGHER

There's a FOUR-AXLE TRUCK driving behind the jeep.

RISING STILL HIGHER - OVERHEAD SHOT

Thirty TRUCKS behind the jeep, passing through FRAME.
NARCOS Ep. 101 "Descenso" 5/13/14 15.

MURPHY (V.O.) (CONT'D)
Pablo was making a killing in the
smuggling business. Stolen goods,
cigarettes, alcohol, marijuana, you
name it. If there was a market,
Pablo would supply it.

CUT TO:

OVER THE SHOULDER: A COP

A police checkpoint. Pablo pulls to a stop. There are ten
heavily armed DAS AGENTS.

MURPHY (V.O.)
At that time, Pablo owned every
policeman in Medellín. But DAS was
Colombia's version of the FBI. They
didn't play by the same rules.

A DAS AGENT steps up to the jeep.

PABLO
Good day.

DAS AGENT
Are you Pablo Escobar?

PABLO
Yes. Where's Felipo?

DAS AGENT
He's been arrested.

DAS Agent gestures. Felipo's being dragged to an unmarked
sedan in handcuffs. He's been beaten to a pulp.

PABLO
Hey, this is bullshit, man. Felipo
works for me.

DAS AGENT
He used to work for you. Now he's
going to jail.

GUSTAVO
Do you know who you're talking to?

DAS AGENT
Shut the fuck up.
NARCOS Ep. 101 "Descenso" 5/13/14 16.

PABLO
Please, Gustavo. Show respect. Let
Mr. Herrera speak.

DAS AGENT
How do you know my name?

PABLO
(pointing)
You're Colonel Jose Luis Herrera.
That's Nacho Ibarra. There's Garcia.
Lopez. Pinella. Esperanza.

The DAS AGENTS are stunned. How does he know their names?

HERRERA
Open the fucking trucks.

CUT TO:

A TRUCK PANEL DOOR ROLLS OPEN.

Pablo and Herrera stand by the truck. Other DAS AGENTS
inspect the contents: crates of Johnny Walker, Marlboros,
television sets and toys.

HERRERA
Who the fuck do you think you are?
You don't even bother to hide your
contraband?

PABLO
I pay for the privilege.

NACHO IBARRA peers down at Pablo from inside the truck.

IBARRA
Where are your import papers? You
need the papers for these TV sets.

PABLO
Take the television.

IBARRA
Sorry, Escobar. We're not Medellín
cops making fifty pesos a week.

PABLO
It's not for you. It's for Carlito.
Your son. Wouldn't he like a TV in
his room?
NARCOS Ep. 101 "Descenso" 5/13/14 17.

Ibarra is shocked. But Pablo's turned his attention to
another agent on the truck.

PABLO (CONT'D)
Hey, Pinella. Your daughter just
got her driver's license, right?
Pioneer makes a nice car stereo.

He turns to yet another guy.

PABLO (CONT'D)
Lopez. Your wife is beautiful.
What's she doing with a guy like
you? I think she deserves some
jewelry. Should I get a couple of
my guys to drop it off?

The DAS Agents, at first so tough and sure of themselves,
are now soft as jello.

PABLO (CONT'D)
(calmly)
Gentlemen, let me tell you who I am.
I am Pablo Fucking Escobar. My eyes
are everywhere. You can't do a
goddamn thing in Antioquia without
me knowing about it. I'm going to
be President of Colombia one day.

The DAS Agents are transfixed.

PABLO (CONT'D)
I make deals for a living. You can
accept my deal or accept the
consequences for not taking it.

From each of the thirty truck cabs, DRIVERS emerge with tire
irons, guns, clubs. One of them we recognize as--

POISON

AR-15 assault rifle propped on his arm.

PABLO

pulls a wad of cash.

PABLO (CONT'D)
Silver or lead. Your choice. Now
why don't we negotiate a bit and we
can all leave happy. Deal?
NARCOS Ep. 101 "Descenso" 5/13/14 18.

Over this, the sounds of merriment...

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Crime","Drama","Thriller"]

Summary During a cocktail party at a luxury finca in Medellín, Gacha and his gunmen brutally massacre the guests, highlighting the violent nature of the emerald trade. As chaos ensues, Pablo Escobar, driving with his cousin Gustavo, encounters a police checkpoint manned by DAS agents. Displaying calm confidence, Pablo intimidates the agents with his knowledge and threats, ultimately forcing them to choose between accepting his bribe or facing dire consequences. The scene captures the tense and menacing atmosphere of Pablo's power dynamics.
Strengths
  • Strong character development
  • Tense atmosphere
  • Compelling dialogue
  • High stakes
  • Effective pacing
Weaknesses
  • Potential for excessive violence
  • Lack of moral ambiguity
  • Limited character depth

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene effectively establishes the main antagonist, Pablo Escobar, and his modus operandi, creating a sense of tension and danger. The dialogue and actions of the characters drive the plot forward and set the tone for the escalating conflict.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of showcasing Escobar's rise to power through manipulation and intimidation is well-executed. The scene effectively conveys the themes of power, corruption, and moral ambiguity, setting the stage for the larger narrative.

Plot: 9

The plot is engaging and propels the story forward by introducing key conflicts, characters, and motivations. The scene sets up important dynamics and relationships that will drive the narrative and create further tension and drama.

Originality: 9

The scene demonstrates a high level of originality through its portrayal of the criminal underworld, the power dynamics between the characters, and the moral dilemmas faced by the protagonist. The authenticity of the dialogue and actions adds to the scene's originality and realism.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-defined and their interactions reveal their motivations, personalities, and relationships. Escobar's cunning and ruthlessness are effectively portrayed, setting him up as a formidable antagonist.

Character Changes: 8

The character of Pablo Escobar undergoes a significant development in the scene, as he establishes himself as a powerful and ruthless figure in the criminal underworld. His interactions with law enforcement agents reveal his cunning and manipulative nature.

Internal Goal: 9

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to assert his dominance and power over the law enforcement agents and establish himself as a formidable figure in the criminal world. This reflects his deeper desire for control, respect, and authority.

External Goal: 8

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to negotiate with the law enforcement agents and avoid any consequences for his illegal activities. This goal reflects the immediate challenge of dealing with a powerful and potentially threatening opposition.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is high, as Escobar clashes with law enforcement agents and asserts his power through intimidation and bribery. The escalating tension and power dynamics create a sense of danger and suspense.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the law enforcement agents posing a significant threat to the protagonist's goals and forcing him to negotiate and manipulate the situation to his advantage. The audience is unsure of how the conflict will be resolved, adding to the tension and suspense.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes in the scene are high, as Escobar asserts his power and control over law enforcement agents through intimidation and bribery. The escalating conflict and power dynamics create a sense of danger and suspense.

Story Forward: 9

The scene effectively moves the story forward by introducing key conflicts, characters, and motivations. It sets up important dynamics and relationships that will drive the narrative and create further tension and drama.

Unpredictability: 9

This scene is unpredictable because of the shifting power dynamics, moral ambiguity, and unexpected twists in the negotiation between the protagonist and the law enforcement agents. The audience is kept guessing about the outcome and the characters' true intentions.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the clash between law and order versus corruption and criminality. The protagonist's beliefs and values are challenged by the corrupt system he operates within, forcing him to navigate moral ambiguity and ethical dilemmas.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene has a strong emotional impact due to the intense and violent nature of the events, as well as the manipulation and intimidation tactics employed by Escobar. The stakes are high, leading to a sense of danger and suspense.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is sharp, impactful, and reveals the power dynamics between Escobar and the law enforcement agents. It effectively conveys the escalating tension and sets the tone for the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense action, suspenseful dialogue, and high stakes. The conflict and tension between the characters keep the audience on the edge of their seats, eager to see how the situation will unfold.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension and suspense, escalating the conflict, and maintaining the audience's interest. The rhythm of the dialogue and action keeps the scene moving at a brisk pace, leading to a satisfying resolution.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene descriptions, character actions, and dialogue. The visual and auditory elements are well-crafted, enhancing the atmosphere and mood of the scene.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm of the scene contribute to its effectiveness, building tension and suspense throughout.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes Pablo Escobar's character as both charismatic and menacing, showcasing his ability to manipulate and intimidate law enforcement. However, the transition from the violent cocktail party to the police checkpoint could be smoother. The abrupt shift in tone may disorient the audience, and a more gradual transition could enhance the narrative flow.
  • Murphy's voiceover provides valuable context, but it sometimes feels overly expository. Instead of relying heavily on voiceover to convey information about the emerald trade and Escobar's rise, consider integrating these details into the dialogue or visual storytelling. This would allow the audience to experience the story more organically.
  • The dialogue between Pablo and the DAS agents is engaging, but it could benefit from more subtext. While Pablo's confidence is clear, the agents' reactions could be more nuanced to reflect their internal conflict. This would add depth to their characters and heighten the tension in the scene.
  • The visual elements are strong, particularly the overhead shots of the trucks and the contrast between the party's chaos and the calmness of Pablo's demeanor. However, the scene could use more sensory details to immerse the audience further. Describing the sounds, smells, and atmosphere of the finca and the police checkpoint would enhance the scene's impact.
  • The pacing of the scene is generally good, but the climax—Pablo's ultimatum to the DAS agents—could be more pronounced. Building up to this moment with increased tension and stakes would make it more impactful. Consider adding a moment of hesitation or fear from the agents before Pablo asserts his dominance.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment of reflection from Murphy after the cocktail party massacre to emphasize the brutality of the emerald trade before transitioning to the police checkpoint.
  • Integrate more visual storytelling elements to convey the stakes of the emerald trade and Escobar's influence, rather than relying solely on voiceover exposition.
  • Enhance the dialogue between Pablo and the DAS agents by incorporating more subtext and internal conflict, allowing the audience to feel the tension and stakes of the negotiation.
  • Include sensory details to create a more immersive experience for the audience, describing the atmosphere, sounds, and smells of both the finca and the police checkpoint.
  • Build up the climax of Pablo's ultimatum by increasing the tension in the moments leading up to it, perhaps by showing the agents' initial bravado faltering as they realize the extent of Pablo's power.



Scene 21 -  The Temptation of Easy Money
INT. BAR - MEDELLÍN - NIGHT

Pablo and Gustavo are drinking beer in a raucous bar filled
with pretty girls. They're drunk and happy.

PABLO
It's an interesting proposal.

REVERSING, we see Cockroach. His leather bag rests on the
table with the KILO OF COKE clearly visible.

COCKROACH
If you're with me, I can take you to
Peru. Show you where I buy the paste.
You smuggle it here, I teach you how
to turn it into powder. Then we
sell it all over Colombia.

GUSTAVO
How much does it cost?

COCKROACH
In Chile, we sold it for ten dollars
a gram.

PABLO
You sell it by the gram?

Cockroach dumps a line onto the table.

COCKROACH
This much keeps a person flying for
twenty minutes. When the effect
wears off, you want more.

He sniffs the line with a rolled-up bill. Pablo and Gustavo
share a glance.

GUSTAVO
(to Pablo)
If this shit is so good, we could
find room on our trucks.

COCKROACH
We move it to all the major cities:
Bogota, Cartegna, Baranquilla. We'll
make a fortune.
NARCOS Ep. 101 "Descenso" 5/13/14 19.

PABLO
You think small, my friend.
(then)
If it costs ten dollars a gram here,
how much do you think it will cost
in Miami?

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Crime","Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In a bustling Medellín bar, Pablo and Gustavo meet Cockroach, who presents a tempting drug smuggling proposal involving a kilo of cocaine. Cockroach entices them with the potential profits from selling the drug, particularly in Miami. As they discuss the logistics and implications of entering the drug trade, Pablo's ambition grows, hinting at a shift towards deeper involvement in the illicit business. The scene captures the lively and reckless atmosphere, underscoring the allure of quick wealth amidst moral dilemmas.
Strengths
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Tension and suspense
  • Character development
Weaknesses
  • Limited emotional impact
  • Lack of character changes

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively sets up the criminal underworld and the characters' motivations, creating tension and intrigue. The dialogue is engaging and reveals key plot points, driving the story forward.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of a cocaine deal between criminal figures adds depth to the story and sets the stage for future conflicts and developments. It introduces the audience to the dangerous world of drug trafficking and the characters' ambitions.

Plot: 8

The plot is advanced through the negotiation of the cocaine deal, revealing the characters' motivations and setting up future events. The scene establishes key relationships and conflicts that will drive the story forward.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh perspective on the drug trade, presenting the characters' decisions and dialogue in a realistic and compelling manner. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters of Pablo Escobar and Cockroach are well-developed in this scene, showcasing their ambitions and personalities. The dialogue reveals their motivations and sets up their roles in the criminal underworld.

Character Changes: 7

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, it sets the stage for the characters' development and the choices they will make in the future. It establishes their motivations and ambitions.

Internal Goal: 8

Pablo's internal goal is to expand his drug empire and increase his wealth and power. This reflects his deeper desire for control and dominance in the criminal underworld.

External Goal: 7

Pablo's external goal is to establish a lucrative drug smuggling operation with Cockroach and Gustavo. This reflects the immediate challenge of finding new ways to increase their profits and influence.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict between the characters, their ambitions, and the dangers of the drug trade is evident in this scene. The negotiation of the cocaine deal creates tension and sets up future conflicts.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the characters facing moral dilemmas, ethical considerations, and the potential consequences of their actions. The audience is unsure of how the characters will navigate these challenges.

High Stakes: 8

The high stakes of the drug trade and the characters' ambitions are evident in this scene. The negotiation of the cocaine deal carries significant risks and consequences, setting the stage for future conflicts.

Story Forward: 9

The scene effectively moves the story forward by setting up key relationships, conflicts, and plot points. It establishes the characters' motivations and ambitions, driving the narrative towards future events.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the characters' conflicting motivations and the uncertain outcome of their decisions. The audience is left wondering how the characters will navigate the dangerous world of drug trafficking.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the characters' moral boundaries and ethical considerations when it comes to drug trafficking. Pablo and Gustavo must weigh the potential profits against the consequences of their actions.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes a sense of tension and intrigue, but the emotional impact is not as pronounced. The focus is more on establishing the characters and setting up future events.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is engaging and reveals key plot points, character motivations, and conflicts. It effectively conveys the tension and intrigue of the scene, driving the story forward.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its high stakes, moral dilemmas, and intense dialogue. The characters' decisions and interactions keep the audience invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged in the characters' decisions and the unfolding plot.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with clear character names, dialogue, and scene descriptions. The formatting enhances the readability and flow of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a crime drama genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm of the scene contribute to its effectiveness.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes the setting of a lively bar in Medellín, capturing the atmosphere of excess and revelry that accompanies the drug trade. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtext and tension. Currently, it feels somewhat straightforward and lacks the layered complexity that could enhance the stakes of the conversation.
  • Cockroach's proposal is intriguing, but the scene could delve deeper into the motivations of each character. For instance, what drives Pablo and Gustavo to consider this deal? Adding internal conflict or hesitation could create a more dynamic interaction, showcasing their ambition while also hinting at the risks involved.
  • The visual description of the kilo of coke being clearly visible in Cockroach's bag is effective in highlighting the illicit nature of the transaction. However, the scene could use more sensory details to immerse the audience further. Describing the sounds, smells, and sights of the bar could enhance the atmosphere and make the audience feel more present in the moment.
  • The transition from Cockroach's proposal to Pablo's realization about the Miami market is abrupt. A smoother transition could help maintain the flow of the scene. Perhaps a moment of contemplation or a reaction shot could bridge the two ideas more effectively.
  • The dialogue, while informative, could be more engaging. Incorporating more character-specific language or slang could help differentiate the characters and make their voices more distinct. This would also add authenticity to the scene, reflecting the cultural context of the characters.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment of hesitation or doubt from Pablo or Gustavo before they fully commit to Cockroach's proposal. This could create tension and make their eventual decision feel more impactful.
  • Enhance the sensory details in the scene by describing the sounds of laughter, the clinking of glasses, and the vibrant colors of the bar. This will help to create a more immersive experience for the audience.
  • Introduce a moment where Pablo or Gustavo reacts to Cockroach's line-snorting act, perhaps with a mix of intrigue and disgust. This could add depth to their characters and highlight their differing attitudes towards drug use.
  • Smooth out the transition between Cockroach's proposal and Pablo's realization about the Miami market by including a brief moment of reflection or a visual cue that connects the two ideas.
  • Revise the dialogue to include more character-specific language or slang that reflects their backgrounds and personalities. This will help to create distinct voices for each character and enhance the authenticity of the scene.



Scene 22 -  Surfing the Law
EXT. SOUTH BEACH - MIAMI - DAY

A wide expanse of white sand beach and pearl blue ocean.

MURPHY (V.O.)
Back then, Miami was a paradise.
I'd signed up for the sand, surf and
women.

A chyron appears:

"Miami, 1979."

MURPHY (V.O.) (CONT'D)
In `79, the bad guys I was chasing
wore flip-flops--

CLOSE: ON FLIP-FLOPS

Slapping across the pavement. TILT UP to reveal TWO SURFERS
(one with a backpack) racing PAST CAMERA.

MURPHY (V.O.) (CONT'D)
I was a young DEA agent, partnered
with my buddy Kevin Samms.

MURPHY (CONT'D)
Stop, DEA!

Murphy sprints past CAMERA.

MURPHY (V.O.) (CONT'D)
Kevin had a few pounds to lose.

NEW ANGLE: KEVIN SAMMS

Overweight, huffing for breath.

WIDER

Murphy (younger) and Kevin, 20s, chase the Surfers down on
the promenade. One of the Surfers trips over his flip-flops,
smashes to the ground.
NARCOS Ep. 101 "Descenso" 5/13/14 20.

The other Surfer tumbles over the prone body of his friend.

CLOSE - ON MURPHY

Gun out, ultra-serious, pouncing on the Surfers.

MURPHY (CONT'D)
Face down. Gimme hands!

Murphy cuffs the Surfer. Kevin arrives, huffing.

KEVIN
He told you to stop, you sonsabitches!

He grabs the backpack off the ground.

MURPHY
What do we got?

Kevin opens the backpack and extracts a large pillow of
MARIJUANA wrapped in plastic.

KEVIN
We got ourselves a promotion, my
man. Let's celebrate.

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Crime","Drama"]

Summary In 1979 South Beach, Miami, young DEA agent Murphy chases two surfers suspected of drug trafficking, joined by his overweight partner Kevin Samms. After a dynamic pursuit, Murphy apprehends one surfer who trips, while Kevin discovers a backpack containing a large pillow of marijuana. Their successful bust brings excitement and camaraderie, hinting at a potential promotion.
Strengths
  • Strong character introductions
  • Effective tension-building
  • Compelling conflict setup
Weaknesses
  • Dialogue could be more impactful
  • Some scenes may be too exposition-heavy

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively sets the tone for the series by introducing key characters, establishing the conflict between law enforcement and criminals, and showcasing the high-stakes world of drug smuggling. The mix of action, tension, and reflection adds depth to the narrative.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring the world of drug trafficking through the eyes of law enforcement and criminals is compelling. The scene effectively sets up the central conflict and themes of the series.

Plot: 8

The plot is engaging, with the introduction of key characters, the setup of conflicts, and the hint of future developments. The scene moves the story forward while also providing important context for the narrative.

Originality: 7

The scene introduces familiar themes of law enforcement and crime but adds a fresh perspective with the 1979 Miami setting and unique character dynamics.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed, with clear motivations and distinct personalities. The interactions between law enforcement and criminals add depth to the scene and set up future conflicts.

Character Changes: 7

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the introduction of key characters and their motivations sets the stage for potential development in future episodes.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to prove himself as a capable DEA agent and to chase down criminals. This reflects his desire for validation and success in his career.

External Goal: 9

The protagonist's external goal is to apprehend the drug dealers and make a significant bust. This reflects the immediate challenge he faces in his job as a DEA agent.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is high, with the tension between law enforcement and criminals, the introduction of drug smuggling proposals, and the potential consequences of criminal activities. The stakes are established early on.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the drug dealers providing a challenging obstacle for the protagonist to overcome.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes in the scene are high, with the introduction of drug smuggling proposals, the conflict between law enforcement and criminals, and the potential consequences of criminal activities. The characters are faced with difficult choices that will impact their future.

Story Forward: 9

The scene effectively moves the story forward by introducing key plot points, setting up conflicts, and hinting at future developments. The audience is engaged and eager to see what happens next.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected actions of the characters and the uncertain outcome of the confrontation.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict is between law enforcement and criminal activity, highlighting the protagonist's belief in justice and the criminals' disregard for the law.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene has a moderate emotional impact, with elements of shock, reflection, and tragedy. The audience is drawn into the world of the characters and the high-stakes situations they face.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is effective in conveying information, establishing character dynamics, and building tension. Some lines could be more impactful or memorable to enhance the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its fast-paced action, suspenseful dialogue, and high stakes.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a balance of action and dialogue that keeps the audience engaged and invested in the story.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with proper scene headings, character names, and action descriptions.

Structure: 9

The scene follows the expected structure for a crime drama genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes a nostalgic tone for Miami in 1979, contrasting the idyllic beach setting with the serious undertones of drug enforcement. However, the transition from the voiceover to the action could be smoother; the shift from Murphy's reflective narration to the chase feels abrupt. Consider integrating more visual cues or dialogue that bridge this transition.
  • Murphy's voiceover provides context and character insight, but it could benefit from more specificity about his motivations and feelings. For instance, what does he feel about the paradise he describes? Adding emotional depth could enhance the audience's connection to Murphy.
  • The physical comedy of the surfers tripping is a nice touch, but it might overshadow the tension of the chase. While humor can be effective, ensure it doesn't detract from the seriousness of Murphy's role as a DEA agent. Balancing the comedic elements with the gravity of drug enforcement is crucial.
  • Kevin's character is introduced as overweight and out of breath, which adds a layer of humor but also risks making him seem less competent. Consider giving him a moment that showcases his skills or determination, reinforcing that he is a capable partner despite his physical condition.
  • The dialogue is functional but lacks distinctiveness. The lines could be more engaging or character-driven. For example, instead of 'What do we got?', Murphy could have a more colorful or character-revealing line that reflects his personality or the stakes of the situation.
Suggestions
  • Enhance the transition from voiceover to action by incorporating a visual element that ties the two together, such as a close-up of Murphy's determined expression as he begins the chase.
  • Deepen Murphy's voiceover by including more personal reflections on his aspirations and the challenges he faces as a young DEA agent, which would add emotional weight to the scene.
  • Consider toning down the comedic elements of the surfers' fall to maintain the tension of the chase, or alternatively, use the humor to highlight Murphy's frustration with the drug trade.
  • Give Kevin a moment that showcases his competence, perhaps by having him successfully navigate a tricky situation during the chase, reinforcing his role as a capable partner.
  • Revise the dialogue to make it more distinctive and character-driven, allowing Murphy and Kevin's personalities to shine through in their interactions.



Scene 23 -  The Prank at the Bar
INT. BAR - MIAMI - NIGHT

Thumping music, filled with partyers. Kevin sits with other
DEA GUYS, celebrating their bust. In the background, Murphy
is getting another pitcher at the bar.

DEA #1
Who do we pick?

DEA #2
How about her?

DEA #2 points to a BLONDE GIRL at another table.

KEVIN
No, no. Let's fuck him up.

DEA GUY #1
Let's mess with his head.

KEVIN
Yeah, let's go for her.

THEIR P.O.V. - CONNIE
NARCOS Ep. 101 "Descenso" 5/13/14 21.

Connie - seen at the top of the script - sits at the bar
with a FRIEND.

DEA #1 (O.S.)
She's hot.

MURPHY

returns with a cold pitcher of beer. Unaware that he's about
to be the subject of a prank.

KEVIN
Hey, Murph, Sparrow 3 o'clock,
checking you out.

Kevin chin nods to Connie. Murphy steals a glance.

DEA #1
You were walking back from the bar,
she was checking out your ass.

MURPHY
Get the fuck outta here.

KEVIN
She wasn't checking out your ass,
but she eye-fucked you all the way
back to the table. I'm not kidding,
man. For real.

MURPHY
The tan one?

KEVIN
She had eyes on you, man.

The DEA GUYS egg him on: Go for it/C'mon, Pussy/Man up!

MURPHY
You serious?

KEVIN
If I'm lying, I'm dying.

MURPHY
(a beat)
Fuck it. I'm going in...

DEA GUYS
Murph's flying in/Get another pitcher
while you're up there.
NARCOS Ep. 101 "Descenso" 5/13/14 22.

AT THE BAR - CONNIE AND HER PRETTY FRIEND

They're watching the Miami/Florida State game on the
television. Murphy approaches with a smile.

MURPHY
Hey, how are you?

CONNIE
(barely a glance)
Busy.

He looks back at his table.

HIS P.O.V. - THE DEA GUYS

They're busting a gut laughing. Gotcha sucker!

MURPHY

starts back toward his table.

MURPHY (V.O.)
Those bastards got me. But I couldn't
let it end like that.

He turns and goes back to Connie and her friend.

MURPHY (CONT'D)
Listen. I'm sorry. See those guys
over there? They're fucking with
me. They said you were checking out
my ass. Who checks out a cop's ass?

CONNIE
You're a cop? Strike two.

MURPHY
Not a cop, actually. I'm D-E-A.

CONNIE
A narc. Strike three.

Connie's Pretty Friend chimes in--

PRETTY FRIEND
Drug Enforcement? So you're the one
making pot more expensive.

MURPHY
(lightly)
It's against the law, ma'am.
NARCOS Ep. 101 "Descenso" 5/13/14 23.

CONNIE
(laughing)
Be careful. He'll arrest you.

MURPHY
Help me out here. I wanna show those
assholes up. C'mon. Give me your
phone number.

CONNIE
How about a fake phone number?

MURPHY
That'll work.

Connie digs a pen and a scrap of paper from her purse. She
scrawls "Connie" and a phone number.

MURPHY (CONT'D)
Sorry for the bother.

AT THE TABLE

Murphy returns, flapping the scrap of paper.

MURPHY
Read it and weep, assholes.

The DEA Guys are suitably impressed.
Genres: ["Crime","Drama","Comedy"]

Summary In a bustling Miami bar, DEA agents celebrate a successful drug bust by playing a light-hearted prank on their colleague Murphy, convincing him that a woman named Connie is interested in him. Despite an initial rejection, Murphy approaches Connie, who humorously gives him a fake phone number after learning he is a DEA agent. He returns to his table, proudly showing off the number to his amused colleagues, unaware of the joke.
Strengths
  • Humorous dialogue
  • Character dynamics
  • Light-hearted tone
Weaknesses
  • Minimal plot progression
  • Low stakes
  • Limited conflict

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively balances humor, tension, and character dynamics, providing a refreshing break from the intense crime and drama elements. The prank adds a fun and relatable aspect to the DEA agents' interactions, enhancing the audience's connection to the characters.


Story Content

Concept: 7

The concept of a prank in a bar setting among DEA agents is unique and adds a layer of depth to the characters, showcasing their camaraderie and sense of humor. The scene effectively blends humor with the underlying tension of their work.

Plot: 7

While the scene does not significantly advance the main plot, it serves as a character-building moment that adds depth to the relationships between the DEA agents. It also introduces a potential romantic subplot for the main character, setting up future developments.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh take on the typical bar scene by incorporating elements of law enforcement and pranks. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and add a layer of originality to the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters in the scene are well-developed, with distinct personalities and dynamics that shine through in their interactions. The main character's vulnerability and humor are highlighted, while the supporting DEA agents add depth and humor to the scene.

Character Changes: 5

While there is no significant character change in this scene, it does provide insight into the main character's vulnerability and sense of humor. The potential romantic interest introduces a new dynamic that may lead to future character development.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to prove himself to his colleagues and show that he can handle a prank. This reflects his desire for acceptance and validation from his peers.

External Goal: 7.5

The protagonist's external goal is to successfully prank his colleague Murphy and show that he can handle the situation with confidence and humor.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 4

The conflict in the scene is minimal, primarily revolving around a harmless prank among the DEA agents. While there is tension and humor, the conflict is more lighthearted and serves to showcase the characters' relationships.

Opposition: 7.5

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist facing challenges from his colleagues and the civilians he interacts with. The audience is kept guessing about the outcome of the prank.

High Stakes: 3

The stakes in the scene are relatively low, focusing more on humor and character dynamics than intense conflict or high-risk situations. The prank and potential romantic interest add a lighter touch to the overall narrative.

Story Forward: 5

The scene does not significantly move the main plot forward but sets up potential future developments with the introduction of a romantic subplot. It serves more as a character-building moment that adds depth to the relationships between the DEA agents.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists and turns in the characters' interactions. The audience is kept on their toes, unsure of how the situation will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 6.5

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the protagonist's role as a DEA agent and how it is perceived by others. There is a tension between law enforcement and civilians, as seen in the interaction between Murphy and Connie.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

The scene elicits a moderate emotional impact, primarily through humor and camaraderie among the characters. The audience may feel a sense of connection and amusement, but the emotional depth is not as pronounced as in more intense or dramatic scenes.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue in the scene is witty, engaging, and realistic, capturing the banter and camaraderie among the DEA agents. The exchanges between the characters feel natural and contribute to the overall humor and light-hearted tone of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the witty dialogue, fast-paced action, and the tension between the characters. The audience is drawn into the interactions and invested in the outcome of the prank.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by maintaining a fast pace and building tension throughout. The rhythm of the dialogue and action keeps the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with clear character motivations and a well-paced progression of events.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the camaraderie and light-hearted nature of the DEA agents, showcasing their personalities through dialogue and interactions. However, the humor feels somewhat forced, particularly in the prank on Murphy, which may detract from the overall tone of the series that deals with serious themes surrounding drug trafficking.
  • Murphy's character is established as somewhat naive and easily manipulated, which could be seen as a weakness in his portrayal. While this adds to the comedic element, it may also undermine his credibility as a DEA agent. A more balanced portrayal that includes moments of competence or assertiveness could enhance his character development.
  • The dialogue is lively and captures the banter among the DEA agents well, but it could benefit from more subtext. The characters are primarily focused on the prank, which limits the opportunity for deeper interactions or insights into their personalities and motivations.
  • The scene lacks a strong emotional arc or stakes. While it serves as a comedic interlude, it doesn't advance the plot or character development significantly. Adding a layer of tension or conflict, even in a light-hearted context, could make the scene more engaging.
  • The transition from the previous scene to this one feels abrupt. While the celebration is a natural progression, a smoother segue could help maintain the narrative flow. Perhaps a brief moment reflecting on the seriousness of their work before diving into the celebration could provide a better balance.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment where Murphy showcases his skills or knowledge as a DEA agent, even in a light-hearted context, to balance the comedic elements and reinforce his character's competence.
  • Introduce a subplot or minor conflict within the scene that could create tension, such as a rival agent or an unexpected interruption that challenges the celebratory mood.
  • Enhance the dialogue with more subtext or character-specific quirks that reveal deeper aspects of the agents' personalities, making them more relatable and memorable.
  • Create a smoother transition from the previous scene by incorporating a brief moment of reflection on the seriousness of their work, perhaps through Murphy's internal thoughts or a comment from Kevin.
  • Consider using the prank as a setup for a later payoff in the story, where Murphy's embarrassment leads to a more significant moment of growth or realization in his character arc.



Scene 24 -  Connections and Obsessions
INT. MURPHY'S APARTMENT - MIAMI - NIGHT

Murphy sits on his bed in a messy bachelor apartment. He
stares at the scrap of paper.

MURPHY (V.O.)
I figured what the hell. Worst that
could happen was I'd wake up some
grandmother in Boca.

He dials the number.

INTERCUT WITH:

INT. ANOTHER APARTMENT - MIAMI - NIGHT

Someone grabs the ringing phone off the receiver.

CONNIE
Hello?
NARCOS Ep. 101 "Descenso" 5/13/14 24.

MURPHY (O.S.)
So it wasn't a fake.

CONNIE
Thought you might figure it out.
After all, you're D-E-A.

Murphy smiles.

MURPHY (V.O.)
And just like that, she had me.

CUT TO:

PABLO ESCOBAR

eyes shining.

MURPHY (V.O.) (CONT'D)
The minute Pablo laid his eyes on
the paste-processing lab in Peru,
cocaine had him.
Genres: ["Crime","Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In a cluttered bachelor apartment, Murphy grapples with uncertainty as he makes a call to Connie, who playfully acknowledges his DEA ties, drawing him into a confident exchange. The scene shifts to Pablo Escobar, whose intense fascination with cocaine is highlighted, foreshadowing his pivotal role in the drug trade.
Strengths
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Strong character development
  • Effective plot progression
Weaknesses
  • Limited exploration of secondary characters
  • Lack of visual cues to enhance the scene

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively blends humor with suspense, setting up a significant turning point in the narrative by introducing the connection between Murphy and Pablo Escobar.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring the personal lives of characters involved in the drug trade adds depth to the narrative and enhances the audience's understanding of their motivations.

Plot: 8

The plot advances significantly with the introduction of the connection between Murphy and Pablo Escobar, setting the stage for future conflicts and developments.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces familiar themes of crime and law enforcement but presents them in a fresh and engaging way. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and add depth to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed, with Murphy's curiosity and Connie's wit adding layers to the scene. Pablo Escobar's introduction adds a sense of impending danger and intrigue.

Character Changes: 7

Murphy undergoes a subtle change as he becomes intrigued by Connie, setting the stage for potential personal growth and conflict.

Internal Goal: 8

Murphy's internal goal in this scene is to make a connection with Connie, who seems to be involved in the drug trade. This reflects his desire for excitement and danger, as well as potentially his need for validation or acceptance.

External Goal: 9

Murphy's external goal is to establish a connection with Connie and potentially gain information about the drug trade. This reflects the immediate challenge he faces in infiltrating the criminal world.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

There is a moderate level of conflict in the scene, primarily driven by the tension between Murphy and Connie, as well as the looming presence of Pablo Escobar.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Murphy facing off against Connie, a potentially dangerous criminal. The audience is left unsure of how the interaction will unfold, adding suspense and intrigue to the scene.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high as Murphy's personal life becomes intertwined with the dangerous world of drug trafficking, leading to potential risks and consequences.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by introducing a key connection between Murphy and Pablo Escobar, setting the stage for future developments.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because it introduces unexpected twists and turns, such as Murphy's decision to call Connie and the revelation of her involvement in the drug trade. The audience is left unsure of how the interaction will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between law enforcement and criminal activity. Murphy, as a DEA agent, is engaging with someone involved in illegal activities, highlighting the moral ambiguity of his actions and the conflict between upholding the law and pursuing justice.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene elicits a range of emotions, from humor to intrigue, setting the stage for future emotional developments.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is engaging and serves to reveal key aspects of the characters' personalities, driving the scene forward with humor and tension.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it draws the audience into the dangerous world of drug trafficking, with suspenseful dialogue and fast-paced action. The high stakes and moral ambiguity of the characters' actions create tension and intrigue.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a balance of dialogue and action that builds tension and suspense. The rhythm of the scene keeps the audience engaged and invested in the characters' choices.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with clear scene headings, dialogue, and action descriptions. The formatting enhances the readability and flow of the scene.

Structure: 9

The scene follows the expected structure for a crime drama, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm of the scene contribute to its effectiveness in building tension and suspense.


Critique
  • The scene effectively transitions from Murphy's light-hearted interaction with Connie to the darker implications of Pablo Escobar's obsession with cocaine. This juxtaposition creates a compelling narrative flow, but the tonal shift could be more pronounced to enhance the impact of Escobar's introduction.
  • Murphy's voiceover is engaging and provides insight into his character, but it could benefit from more emotional depth. Instead of just stating that Connie had him, exploring Murphy's feelings of attraction or intrigue could add layers to his character and make the audience more invested in his journey.
  • The dialogue between Murphy and Connie is witty and establishes a connection, but it feels somewhat brief. Expanding their conversation could help develop their relationship further and provide more context for Murphy's motivations, making the eventual shift to Escobar's storyline feel more significant.
  • The visual contrast between Murphy's messy bachelor apartment and the impending chaos of Escobar's world is effective, but the scene could use more descriptive imagery to paint a clearer picture of Murphy's environment. This would help ground the audience in his reality before the narrative shifts to Escobar.
  • The pacing of the scene is quick, which works well for the transition, but it may leave some viewers wanting more substance in Murphy's interaction with Connie. A slightly slower pace could allow for more character development and tension to build before the cut to Escobar.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more dialogue between Murphy and Connie to deepen their connection and provide insight into Murphy's character. This could also enhance the emotional stakes of the scene.
  • Incorporate more descriptive visuals of Murphy's apartment to create a stronger sense of place and contrast with the world of Escobar. This could help the audience feel the weight of the transition.
  • Explore Murphy's internal thoughts and feelings more thoroughly in the voiceover, particularly regarding his attraction to Connie and the implications of his DEA role. This could add complexity to his character.
  • Enhance the tonal shift by using sound design or music to underscore the transition from the light-hearted conversation to the darker themes associated with Escobar. This could heighten the emotional impact of the scene.
  • Consider extending the scene slightly to allow for a more gradual build-up to the cut to Escobar, creating a stronger narrative connection between Murphy's personal life and the larger drug trade.



Scene 25 -  Negotiating the Paste
EXT. JUNGLE PROCESSING LAB - PERU - DAY

Thickly forested. A half dozen WORKERS (men and children)
trample coca leaves in a large plastic-lined VAT filled with
water and bleach.

COCKROACH, PABLO AND GUSTAVO

are shown around by the LAB MANAGER. He gestures to another
large VAT being filled with KEROSENE.

LAB MANAGER
The kerosene separates the drug from
the leaf.

A worker scoops a PLASTIC BUCKET of the brownish kerosene
mixture and adds Ammonium from a bottle. The liquid in the
bucket blooms WHITE like cream in coffee.

GUSTAVO
Look at that.

LAB MANAGER
Ammonium is added to make the paste.

CLOSE - ON THE BUCKET

Now containing a gummy, yellowish solid. The solid is dumped
onto a bed sheet.
NARCOS Ep. 101 "Descenso" 5/13/14 25.

WIDER, as a WORKER squeezes the bed sheet to remove the excess
kerosene, leaving a one-kilo chunk of paste.

GUSTAVO
We'll take a kilo.

LAB MANAGER
A whole kilo. Great.

PABLO
No.

LAB MANAGER
(to Cockroach)
You said one kilo.

PABLO
We'll take five.

COCKROACH
How do we get five across the border?

PABLO
Gustavo will figure it out. Always
does.

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Crime","Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In a jungle processing lab in Peru, workers, including men and children, process coca leaves while the Lab Manager explains the drug extraction process. Gustavo shows interest but initially suggests taking one kilo of cocaine paste. However, Pablo insists on five kilos, prompting Cockroach to question the logistics of transporting such a large amount. Despite the tension, Pablo confidently asserts that Gustavo will handle the transportation, highlighting the serious and businesslike nature of their operation.
Strengths
  • Effective world-building
  • Compelling character introductions
  • Tension and suspense
Weaknesses
  • Limited character development
  • Some dialogue may be cliché or predictable

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively sets up the criminal underworld and establishes the tension surrounding the drug trade. It introduces important characters and hints at future plot developments, keeping the audience engaged.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of exploring the drug trade through the eyes of key players like Pablo Escobar and Cockroach is compelling. The scene effectively sets up the larger themes of power, greed, and consequences.

Plot: 8

The plot progresses as key characters make decisions that will impact future events. The introduction of drug production and smuggling adds depth to the narrative, setting the stage for conflicts to come.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh perspective on the drug trade, with authentic dialogue and actions that feel true to the setting and characters.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters of Pablo Escobar and Cockroach are introduced with clear motivations and personalities. Their interactions hint at future conflicts and alliances, adding depth to the story.

Character Changes: 7

The characters of Pablo Escobar and Cockroach begin to make decisions that will impact their futures. Their interactions hint at potential changes in their motivations and alliances, setting up character arcs.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to assert dominance and control in the drug trade. This reflects their deeper need for power and influence.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to secure a larger quantity of drugs for smuggling across the border. This reflects the immediate challenge of logistics and risk in the drug trade.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict between the characters' desires and the dangerous world of drug trafficking creates tension and suspense. The scene sets up future conflicts and challenges for the characters.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting goals and potential consequences for the characters' actions.

High Stakes: 9

The high stakes of drug production and smuggling are clearly established, with the characters risking their lives and freedom for profit and power. The scene sets up dangerous situations and challenges for the characters to navigate.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by introducing key elements of the drug trade and setting up future conflicts and alliances. It establishes the stakes and motivations of the characters, driving the narrative towards future developments.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the shifting power dynamics and unexpected decisions made by the characters.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict is between the protagonist's ruthless pursuit of power and the ethical implications of drug trafficking. This challenges the protagonist's values and morality.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes a sense of danger and intrigue, drawing the audience into the world of drug trafficking. The characters' motivations and actions create emotional resonance, setting the stage for future developments.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue effectively conveys the characters' intentions and the high stakes of the drug trade. It sets the tone for future interactions and conflicts, driving the narrative forward.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its intense atmosphere, high stakes, and dynamic character interactions.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting adheres to the expected format for a scene in this genre, with clear descriptions and dialogue.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure that builds tension and conflict effectively.


Critique
  • The scene effectively conveys the technical aspects of cocaine production, which adds authenticity to the narrative. However, it could benefit from more emotional depth. The characters, particularly Pablo, seem somewhat detached from the gravity of their actions. Adding internal conflict or moral hesitation could enhance their complexity and make the audience more invested in their journey.
  • The dialogue is functional but lacks a sense of urgency or tension. Given the illegal nature of their operation, there should be an underlying fear of discovery or consequences. Infusing the dialogue with more stakes could elevate the scene's intensity.
  • The visual descriptions are clear, but they could be more evocative. Instead of simply stating what is happening, consider using more sensory details to immerse the audience in the environment. Describing the sounds, smells, and atmosphere of the jungle and the lab could create a more vivid scene.
  • The transition from the previous scene to this one feels abrupt. While the voiceover from Murphy sets the context, a more seamless visual or thematic connection could enhance the flow. Perhaps starting with a shot of the jungle before introducing the lab could create a more cohesive narrative.
  • Pablo's character is established as ambitious, but his motivations could be more explicitly stated. Why does he want five kilos instead of one? Exploring his ambition or greed in this moment could provide insight into his character and foreshadow future conflicts.
Suggestions
  • Incorporate internal monologues or reactions from Pablo and Cockroach to highlight their emotional responses to the drug production process. This could create a more engaging character dynamic.
  • Add tension to the dialogue by introducing a sense of urgency or fear of being caught. For example, characters could express concern about law enforcement or rival gangs, which would heighten the stakes.
  • Enhance the sensory details in the scene. Describe the sounds of the jungle, the smell of the chemicals, and the physical sensations of the workers to create a more immersive experience for the audience.
  • Consider a more gradual transition from the previous scene to this one. Perhaps start with a wide shot of the jungle before cutting to the lab, allowing the audience to feel the shift in setting.
  • Clarify Pablo's motivations for wanting five kilos. This could be done through dialogue or a brief internal thought, providing insight into his character and setting the stage for future developments in the story.



Scene 26 -  The Smuggling Deal
EXT. RENAULT CAR LOT - PERU - DAY

Gustavo shows Pablo and Cockroach a yellow Renault 4S.

GUSTAVO
Check the wheel-well. It's huge.

A CAR SALESMAN approaches them.

CAR SALESMAN
It's a great choice. 22.5 horsepower.
More than the Citroen 2CV. It's
comfortable and the gasoline
consumption --

PABLO
(to Salesman)
Is it easy to remove the wheel?

The Salesman never heard that one.

CAR SALESMAN
What?
NARCOS Ep. 101 "Descenso" 5/13/14 26.

GUSTAVO
(to Pablo)
We only have to do it once. Trust
me - I can fit 5K in there.

PABLO
Ok. I will take it. Three cars,
please.

The Salesman can’t believe his ears.

SALESMAN
Did you say three?

GUSTAVO
(to Cockroach)
I guess we're going back to the lab...

COCKROACH
Why?

GUSTAVO
(to Cockroach)
Five kilos per wheel-well, equals
twenty kilos per car. Three cars,
sixty kilos.

Pablo claps Cockroach on the back.

PABLO
At nine dollars profit per gram...
Genres: ["Crime","Drama"]

Summary At a car lot in Peru, Gustavo showcases a yellow Renault 4S to Pablo and Cockroach, emphasizing its spacious wheel-well for smuggling. Confused by Pablo's questions, the car salesman struggles to keep up as Gustavo reveals their plan to fit five kilos of product in each wheel-well. Pablo, intrigued, decides to purchase three cars for their operation, leading to a humorous yet serious exchange about their illicit plans. The scene concludes with Pablo excitedly calculating potential profits.
Strengths
  • Detailed planning process
  • Tense atmosphere
  • Character motivations
Weaknesses
  • Lack of character development
  • Limited emotional depth

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively sets up the high-stakes nature of the drug smuggling operation while showcasing the characters' determination and ambition. The tension and excitement are palpable, drawing the audience into the intricate planning process.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of using cars to transport drugs and the detailed planning process add depth and intrigue to the scene, setting up future conflicts and developments in the story.

Plot: 8

The plot progresses as the characters devise a smuggling plan, setting the stage for future events and conflicts. The scene effectively moves the story forward by introducing a key element of the drug trade operation.

Originality: 8

The scene presents a fresh take on the crime genre, focusing on the mechanics of drug smuggling in a unique setting. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and true to their criminal world.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters' personalities and motivations are well-defined in the scene, showcasing their determination, ambition, and risk-taking nature. The interactions between the characters drive the plot forward and set up future conflicts.

Character Changes: 6

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the characters' motivations and personalities are further revealed through their actions and dialogue, setting the stage for potential development in future scenes.

Internal Goal: 8

Pablo's internal goal is to secure a deal for the drugs they plan to smuggle in the cars. This reflects his desire for power, wealth, and control in the criminal world.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to successfully smuggle drugs in the cars without getting caught. This reflects the immediate challenge they are facing in the scene.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict in the scene arises from the characters' risky smuggling plan and the potential consequences they may face. The tension and stakes are heightened as they navigate the dangerous world of drug trafficking.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the characters facing challenges and obstacles in their criminal activities. The audience is unsure of the outcome, adding tension and suspense.

High Stakes: 9

The scene establishes high stakes through the characters' risky smuggling plan, the potential consequences they may face, and the allure of profits in the drug trade. The audience is invested in the outcome of the operation.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by introducing a key element of the drug trade operation - the smuggling plan using cars. This sets up future conflicts, developments, and challenges for the characters.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the characters' unexpected actions and decisions, keeping the audience on edge about the outcome of their criminal activities.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between the characters' criminal actions and societal norms. It challenges their beliefs about right and wrong, legality, and morality.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

The scene elicits a moderate emotional impact through the characters' determination, ambition, and the risks they are willing to take. The audience is drawn into the tense atmosphere and the high-stakes nature of the drug smuggling operation.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue effectively conveys the characters' strategic planning, motivations, and the risks involved in the drug smuggling operation. The conversations are engaging and reveal key aspects of the characters' personalities.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its high stakes, fast-paced dialogue, and moral dilemmas. The audience is drawn into the characters' world and conflicts.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is fast and tense, building suspense and momentum as the characters negotiate their criminal deal. The rhythm of the dialogue adds to the scene's effectiveness.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with clear scene headings, dialogue, and action descriptions. The formatting enhances the readability and flow of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a crime drama, with clear character motivations, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm are effective in building tension and suspense.


Critique
  • The scene effectively conveys the practical and businesslike nature of the drug trade, showcasing the characters' focus on logistics and profit. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtext or tension to elevate the stakes of their operation. As it stands, the conversation feels somewhat flat and lacks the urgency that typically accompanies drug trafficking discussions.
  • The introduction of the car salesman serves as a comedic element, but it may detract from the seriousness of the characters' intentions. While humor can be effective, it should not undermine the gravity of the situation. The salesman’s confusion about removing the wheel could be played up for comedic effect, but it risks making the characters seem less competent.
  • Pablo's decision to buy three cars feels abrupt and lacks a deeper exploration of his motivations. Adding a line or two that reflects his thought process or concerns about the operation could enhance character development and provide insight into his mindset as a drug lord.
  • The scene transitions from a light-hearted moment to a serious business transaction, but the shift could be more pronounced. The dialogue could include a line that acknowledges the risk involved in their plan, which would create a more dynamic contrast between the humor and the underlying danger of their actions.
  • The final line about profit is a strong closing, but it could be more impactful if it included a hint of the consequences of their actions. This would serve to remind the audience of the moral implications of their choices, adding depth to the scene.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment of hesitation or doubt from Pablo or Cockroach about the plan, which could create tension and make the decision to purchase the cars feel more significant.
  • Enhance the car salesman's role by giving him a more exaggerated reaction to the characters' intentions, which could add humor while still maintaining the seriousness of the drug trade.
  • Incorporate a line that reflects on the risks of their operation, perhaps a comment about law enforcement or rival gangs, to ground the scene in the reality of their dangerous lifestyle.
  • Explore the dynamics between the characters further by adding a brief exchange that highlights their camaraderie or past experiences in drug trafficking, which would deepen their relationships and make the scene more engaging.
  • Consider ending the scene with a more ominous tone, perhaps with a line that foreshadows the potential fallout from their actions, reinforcing the idea that their choices have serious consequences.



Scene 27 -  Profits in the Mountains
EXT. PERUVIAN MOUNTAIN ROAD - AERIAL VIEW - SUNRISE

The beautiful panorama of the lush Peruvian mountains.

MURPHY (V.O.)
That's five hundred thousand dollars
per trip - using the same smuggling
routes he always used.

A paved road cuts a ribbon through the dense foliage. THREE
RENAULT R4S appear from FRAME LEFT, snaking through the pass.

LOW ANGLE

Pablo drives the one up front.

MURPHY (V.O.)
Easiest money he ever made.

CUT TO:
NARCOS Ep. 101 "Descenso" 5/13/14 27.
Genres: ["Crime","Drama","Thriller"]

Summary The scene opens with a breathtaking aerial view of the Peruvian mountains at sunrise, as Murphy's voiceover reveals Pablo's lucrative smuggling operations, earning five hundred thousand dollars per trip. Three Renault R4s navigate a winding road through the lush landscape, with Pablo implied to be driving the lead vehicle. The tone is calm and reflective, highlighting the ease of Pablo's illicit activities without any immediate conflicts. The scene concludes with a transition to the next segment.
Strengths
  • Tense atmosphere
  • Strong character introductions
  • High stakes
  • Smooth transitions between locations
Weaknesses
  • Potential for excessive violence
  • Lack of female characters in prominent roles

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively sets up the dangerous world of drug trafficking with a mix of tension, violence, and ambition. It introduces key characters and establishes the high stakes involved in their operations.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of showcasing a cocaine smuggling operation in Peru is compelling and sets the stage for the larger narrative of the series. It effectively introduces key characters and establishes the criminal world they operate in.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene focuses on the setup of the drug smuggling operation, introducing key characters and establishing the high stakes involved. It effectively moves the story forward and sets the stage for future developments.

Originality: 7

The scene introduces a familiar theme of criminal activity in a unique setting, with specific details like the Renault R4s adding authenticity to the narrative. The characters' actions and dialogue feel genuine and grounded.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters in the scene, particularly Pablo Escobar and Gustavo, are well-defined and intriguing. Their ambitions and actions drive the plot forward and create a sense of conflict and tension.

Character Changes: 7

The scene sets up potential character arcs for Pablo Escobar and Gustavo, hinting at their ambitions and the challenges they will face in the criminal world. Their decisions and actions in this scene lay the groundwork for future development.

Internal Goal: 8

Pablo's internal goal in this scene is to make easy money through smuggling. This reflects his desire for financial gain and a comfortable lifestyle without much effort.

External Goal: 7

Pablo's external goal is to successfully navigate the smuggling route and deliver the goods without getting caught. This reflects the immediate challenge he faces in the scene.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The scene is filled with conflict, both internal and external, as the characters navigate the dangerous world of drug trafficking. The tension between ambition and danger drives the narrative forward and creates a sense of urgency.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene comes from the potential risks and obstacles Pablo encounters in his smuggling operation. The audience is kept on edge by the uncertainty of his success.

High Stakes: 9

The scene establishes the high stakes involved in the drug smuggling operation, highlighting the dangers and risks the characters face. The potential rewards and consequences create a sense of urgency and tension.

Story Forward: 9

The scene effectively moves the story forward by introducing key plot points, characters, and conflicts. It sets the stage for future developments and establishes the central narrative of the series.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the potential risks and consequences Pablo faces in his criminal activities. The audience is unsure of how the situation will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between the pursuit of easy money through illegal means and the potential consequences of engaging in criminal activities. This challenges Pablo's values and moral compass.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes fear, tension, and excitement in the audience, drawing them into the dangerous world of drug smuggling. The characters' struggles and ambitions create an emotional connection and investment in the story.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the characters' motivations, fears, and ambitions. It sets the tone for the criminal world they inhabit and establishes their relationships and dynamics.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its suspenseful atmosphere and the high stakes involved in Pablo's smuggling operation. The audience is drawn into the tension of the situation.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene builds tension effectively, with a gradual escalation of suspense as Pablo navigates the smuggling route. The rhythm of the dialogue and action sequences enhances the scene's effectiveness.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting adheres to the conventions of the genre, with clear scene headings and descriptions that enhance the visual storytelling.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a crime drama, with a clear setup of the setting and characters' motivations. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the tension of the scene.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the beauty of the Peruvian landscape, which contrasts with the dark themes of drug trafficking. However, the visual description could be enhanced by incorporating more sensory details, such as sounds or smells, to immerse the audience further into the setting.
  • Murphy's voiceover provides crucial exposition about Pablo's profits and methods, but it feels somewhat detached from the action. Integrating more emotional weight or personal stakes for Murphy could create a stronger connection between the audience and the narrative.
  • The transition from the previous scene to this one is abrupt. While the aerial view is visually striking, it would benefit from a smoother segue that ties the two scenes together thematically or narratively, perhaps by reflecting on the implications of Pablo's actions on the characters introduced earlier.
  • The dialogue in the voiceover is informative but lacks a sense of urgency or tension. Given the context of drug trafficking, emphasizing the risks and dangers associated with Pablo's operations could heighten the stakes and engage the audience more effectively.
  • The low angle shot of Pablo driving is a strong visual choice, suggesting power and control. However, it could be complemented by showing the reactions of the other characters in the car or the environment around them to provide a fuller picture of the situation.
Suggestions
  • Add sensory details to the description of the Peruvian mountains, such as the sounds of wildlife or the scent of the foliage, to create a more immersive experience for the audience.
  • Consider incorporating Murphy's emotional state or personal stakes in the voiceover to deepen the audience's connection to the narrative and the characters involved.
  • Create a more seamless transition between the previous scene and this one by linking the themes or character motivations, perhaps through a brief reflection from Murphy on the consequences of Pablo's actions.
  • Infuse the voiceover with a sense of urgency or tension by discussing the risks involved in Pablo's operations, which would enhance the stakes and engage the audience more effectively.
  • Include reactions from the other characters in the car or the environment to complement the low angle shot of Pablo, providing a more comprehensive view of the situation and its implications.



Scene 28 -  Illuminating the Process
INT. COCAINE KITCHEN - BELEN, COLOMBIA - NIGHT

A cramped kitchen with three COOKS in smocks. Cockroach
teaches Pablo and Gustavo the next part of the process.

COCKROACH
The hydrochloric acid turns the base
into crystal.

GUSTAVO
It smells in here.

COCKROACH
That's the acetone.

Cockroach presses a button. A DOZEN LAMPS light up on top
of the damp cocaine crystals.

PABLO
And what’s with all those lights?

COCKROACH
Drying.
Genres: ["Crime","Drama"]

Summary In a cramped kitchen in Belen, Colombia, three cooks—Cockroach, Pablo, and Gustavo—are engaged in the cocaine production process. Cockroach explains the chemical transformation of cocaine base into crystals using hydrochloric acid, while Gustavo comments on the unpleasant smell attributed to acetone. As Cockroach activates lamps to dry the damp cocaine crystals, the scene captures the tense and gritty atmosphere of their illicit work, highlighting the dangerous environment they operate in.
Strengths
  • Detailed exploration of drug production process
  • Tension and suspense
  • Character interactions and dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Limited emotional impact
  • Character development could be deeper

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively conveys the tension and danger associated with drug production, while also providing valuable information about the process. The dialogue and setting create a dark and suspenseful atmosphere, keeping the audience engaged.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring the drug production process adds depth to the narrative and enhances the audience's understanding of the characters' motivations and actions.

Plot: 8

The scene contributes significantly to the plot by revealing the characters' involvement in drug production and setting up future conflicts and developments. It adds layers to the story and keeps the audience invested.

Originality: 8

The scene offers a fresh perspective on the drug production process, with detailed descriptions and authentic dialogue that enhance the authenticity of the characters' actions.


Character Development

Characters: 7

The characters are well-developed in this scene, with Cockroach taking on a mentor role and Pablo and Gustavo showing their willingness to take risks for profit. However, there could be more exploration of their motivations and internal conflicts.

Character Changes: 6

While there is some development in the characters' relationships and motivations, there could be more significant changes or growth observed in this scene. Future developments may provide more opportunities for character evolution.

Internal Goal: 8

Pablo's internal goal in this scene is to understand the drug production process and potentially gain more control or power within the operation. This reflects his deeper desire for success, wealth, and influence in the criminal world.

External Goal: 7

Pablo's external goal is to successfully complete the drug production process and ensure the quality of the product. This reflects the immediate challenge of maintaining the operation's profitability and reputation.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The scene is filled with tension and conflict, both external (the illegal drug production) and internal (the characters' moral choices). This conflict drives the narrative forward and keeps the audience on edge.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the characters facing challenges in the drug production process and potential consequences for their actions.

High Stakes: 8

The high stakes of the illegal drug trade are evident in this scene, as the characters engage in risky activities that could have severe consequences. The scene sets up the potential for danger and conflict in future events.

Story Forward: 9

The scene propels the story forward by introducing a crucial step in the drug production process and setting up future conflicts and challenges for the characters. It lays the groundwork for upcoming plot developments.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the characters' conflicting motivations and the potential for unexpected consequences in the drug production process.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between the characters' involvement in illegal drug production and the moral implications of their actions. This challenges Pablo's beliefs about success and the means to achieve it.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

The scene evokes a sense of unease and suspense, but the emotional impact is somewhat muted due to the focus on the technical aspects of drug production. There is potential for deeper emotional resonance in future scenes.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is informative and engaging, providing insight into the drug production process while also revealing the characters' personalities and relationships. It effectively drives the scene forward and keeps the audience intrigued.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its tense atmosphere, detailed descriptions, and moral dilemmas that keep the audience on edge.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and suspense, with a balance of action and dialogue that keeps the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with proper scene headings, dialogue formatting, and action descriptions.

Structure: 9

The scene follows the expected structure for a crime drama, with clear action and dialogue sequences that build tension and suspense effectively.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes the setting of a cocaine kitchen, immersing the audience in the illicit drug production process. The cramped environment and the presence of the cooks in smocks create a vivid image of the clandestine operation.
  • Cockroach's role as the teacher is clear, but the dialogue could benefit from more depth. While the technical explanation of the process is informative, it lacks emotional weight. Adding a layer of tension or urgency could enhance the stakes of the scene.
  • The dialogue between the characters is functional but could be more dynamic. For instance, incorporating some banter or conflict between Cockroach, Pablo, and Gustavo could make the interactions feel more engaging and realistic.
  • The visual element of the lamps illuminating the damp cocaine crystals is a strong image, but it could be enhanced by describing the atmosphere in more detail. For example, mentioning the flickering of the lights or the shadows they cast could add to the tension and mood of the scene.
  • The scene transitions from the previous one with a voiceover that emphasizes Pablo's ease in making money. However, this scene could benefit from a stronger connection to that theme. Perhaps Cockroach could express a sense of pride or concern about the operation's risks, linking back to the overarching narrative of the drug trade's consequences.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment of tension or conflict in the dialogue, such as Cockroach expressing frustration with Pablo's lack of understanding or Gustavo questioning the safety of the process.
  • Enhance the sensory details in the scene. Describe the smells, sounds, and visual elements more vividly to create a more immersive experience for the audience.
  • Introduce a sense of urgency or danger in the scene. Perhaps there could be a noise outside that makes the characters anxious, reminding them of the risks involved in their operation.
  • Incorporate a moment of reflection or foreshadowing from Cockroach about the consequences of their actions, which could tie back to Murphy's voiceover and the larger themes of the narrative.
  • Consider using more varied sentence structures in the dialogue to create a more natural flow and rhythm, making the conversation feel less expository and more organic.



Scene 29 -  Shadows of Indifference
EXT. COCAINE KITCHEN - BELEN, COLOMBIA - NIGHT

Light floods from the windows, illuminating the house like a
Christmas tree. Pablo and Gustavo watch PAINTERS close the
windows and start to apply a black coat of paint to the glass.
Sulfurous smoke pours from the window cracks.

GUSTAVO
Isn't this going to suffocate the
workers?

PABLO
Let’s build a chimney.

CUT TO:

A WOMAN'S HANDS, with a sewing needle.

MURPHY (V.O.)
Like her son, Pablo's mother Hermilda
was very resourceful.
Genres: ["Crime","Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In a tense scene set in a cocaine kitchen in Belen, Colombia, Pablo and Gustavo watch as workers, dubbed painters, close windows and paint them black, creating a suffocating atmosphere filled with sulfurous smoke. Gustavo expresses concern for the workers' safety, while Pablo dismisses his worries and suggests building a chimney as a solution. The scene contrasts their perspectives, highlighting Gustavo's empathy against Pablo's indifference. It concludes with a close-up of a woman's hands sewing, symbolizing resourcefulness amidst danger.
Strengths
  • Tense atmosphere
  • Strong character development
  • Engaging dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Potential for stereotypical portrayal of drug trade
  • Lack of female characters in prominent roles

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively sets a tense and foreboding tone, introducing the audience to the dangerous world of cocaine production and smuggling. The dialogue and actions of the characters create a sense of suspense and intrigue.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of showcasing a cocaine production scene as a way to highlight the characters' resourcefulness and the risks they take is innovative and engaging.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene is focused on the characters' involvement in cocaine production and smuggling, effectively setting up the conflicts and stakes that will drive the story forward.

Originality: 8

The scene presents a fresh approach to depicting criminal activities in a high-stakes environment, with authentic dialogue and actions that feel true to the characters' motivations.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-developed and their actions and dialogue effectively convey their motivations and personalities.

Character Changes: 7

The characters show some development in terms of their resourcefulness and willingness to take risks in pursuit of their goals.

Internal Goal: 8

Pablo's internal goal in this scene is to demonstrate his resourcefulness and problem-solving skills. This reflects his deeper desire to maintain control and power in his criminal operations.

External Goal: 7

Pablo's external goal in this scene is to ensure the safety of the workers in the cocaine kitchen and continue the production without interruption.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is high, with the characters facing dangerous situations and making risky decisions to further their illegal activities.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene comes from the characters' risky decisions and the potential consequences of their actions, creating uncertainty and tension.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes in the scene are high, with the characters facing the risk of discovery and arrest as they engage in illegal drug production and smuggling.

Story Forward: 9

The scene effectively moves the story forward by setting up the characters' illegal activities and the conflicts that will drive the narrative.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the characters' risky decisions and the potential consequences of their actions.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between the characters' willingness to take risks and prioritize their criminal activities over the safety of others. This challenges Pablo's values and worldview as he navigates the consequences of his actions.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene has a moderate emotional impact, primarily driven by the tension and danger faced by the characters.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is sharp and engaging, effectively conveying the tension and danger of the characters' situation.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its high stakes, tense atmosphere, and the characters' resourcefulness in solving problems.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene builds tension effectively, with a balance of dialogue and action that keeps the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with clear scene headings, dialogue, and action descriptions.

Structure: 9

The scene follows the expected structure for a suspenseful crime drama, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes a tense atmosphere with the visual of the painters closing the windows and the sulfurous smoke seeping through the cracks. However, the dialogue could be enhanced to better reflect the urgency and danger of the situation. Gustavo's concern about the workers' safety is a good start, but Pablo's dismissive response lacks the weight of the consequences of their actions.
  • The transition to the close-up of the woman's hands using a sewing needle feels abrupt and somewhat disconnected from the preceding action. While it hints at Hermilda's resourcefulness, it would benefit from a clearer thematic connection to the main action of the scene. The audience may struggle to see how this moment relates to the ongoing drug production and the implications of their choices.
  • Murphy's voiceover adds an interesting layer by connecting Hermilda's resourcefulness to Pablo's character, but it could be more impactful if it directly tied into the current scene's tension. For instance, reflecting on how Hermilda's skills might be used in the drug trade could deepen the audience's understanding of Pablo's upbringing and motivations.
  • The visual elements are strong, but the scene could benefit from more sensory details to immerse the audience further. Describing the sounds of the painters at work, the smell of the paint, or the oppressive heat of the kitchen could enhance the atmosphere and make the viewer feel the claustrophobia of the environment.
  • The pacing of the scene feels slightly off. The dialogue exchange is quick, but the visual elements could be given more time to breathe. Allowing the audience to linger on the imagery of the smoke and the painters could heighten the tension and create a more foreboding atmosphere.
Suggestions
  • Consider expanding the dialogue between Pablo and Gustavo to include more tension and stakes regarding the safety of the workers. This could involve Gustavo pushing back more forcefully against Pablo's dismissive attitude.
  • Enhance the transition to the close-up of the woman's hands by incorporating a line of dialogue or a thought from Pablo that connects Hermilda's resourcefulness to the current situation, perhaps reflecting on how her skills have influenced his life choices.
  • Add more sensory details to the scene to create a richer atmosphere. Describe the sounds of the painters, the smell of the paint, and the oppressive heat to immerse the audience in the environment.
  • Revisit the pacing of the scene to allow for moments of tension to build. Consider lingering on the visual of the smoke and the painters before cutting to the close-up, creating a more dramatic effect.
  • Explore the possibility of including a brief moment of hesitation or doubt from Pablo as he watches the workers, which could add depth to his character and highlight the moral ambiguity of his actions.



Scene 30 -  The Smuggler's Jacket
INT. HERMILDA'S HOUSE - MEDELLÍN - NIGHT

HERMILDA ESCOBAR, 50s, places down the needle and holds up
what she's been sewing.

A JACKET
NARCOS Ep. 101 "Descenso" 5/13/14 28.

Lined with secret compartments.

PABLO
Mama, I love it. How much do you
think I can fit in there?

Hermilda inspects the jacket.

MURPHY (V.O.)
In Colombia, even the women have a
tradition of smuggling.

HERMILDA
I guess about 5 kilos. Just make
sure someone else is wearing it.

CUT TO:

THE LION, a regal Colombian with a healthy mane of hair.

MURPHY (V.O.)
That someone would be "The Lion," a
friend of Pablo's who'd spent his
childhood in the United States.

INT. EL DORADO INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT - BOGOTA - DAY

WIDENING, as the Lion (wearing Hermilda's jacket) walks toward
a line that reads "Customs." Lion easily passes through the
customs line.
Genres: ["Crime","Drama","Thriller"]

Summary Hermilda Escobar, a resourceful mother in her 50s, presents her son Pablo with a cleverly designed jacket featuring secret compartments for smuggling. Excited about its potential, Pablo discusses its use while Hermilda advises him to have someone else wear it for safety. The scene shifts to El Dorado International Airport, where Pablo's friend, The Lion, confidently walks through customs wearing the jacket, successfully passing through and showcasing its effectiveness. The scene blends familial warmth with the tension of illegal activities.
Strengths
  • Innovative concept of the smuggling jacket
  • Tense and suspenseful tone
  • Effective dialogue and character interactions
Weaknesses
  • Limited emotional depth
  • Lack of significant character development

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene is well-crafted, introducing a significant plot device while maintaining a tense and suspenseful tone. The dialogue and character interactions are engaging, setting up future developments in the story.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of using a jacket lined with secret compartments for smuggling is unique and adds an intriguing layer to the story. It showcases the characters' ingenuity and sets up future plot developments.

Plot: 8

The plot is advanced significantly through the introduction of the smuggling jacket, setting the stage for future smuggling operations and character dynamics. The scene adds depth to the narrative and raises the stakes for the characters.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh perspective on criminal activities in Colombia, with unique character dynamics and authentic dialogue.


Character Development

Characters: 7

The characters in the scene, particularly Hermilda and The Lion, showcase resourcefulness and strategic thinking in their approach to smuggling. Their interactions hint at deeper relationships and motivations, adding complexity to the story.

Character Changes: 6

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the introduction of the smuggling jacket hints at the characters' evolving strategies and alliances. It foreshadows potential transformations in their behavior and relationships.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to impress his mother and show his appreciation for her craftsmanship. This reflects his desire for approval and connection with his family.

External Goal: 9

The protagonist's external goal is to successfully smuggle contraband through customs. This reflects the immediate challenge he is facing in his criminal activities.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict in the scene revolves around the characters' risky smuggling operation and the potential consequences of their actions. The tension is palpable as they navigate the dangers of their criminal activities.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the characters facing obstacles that challenge their criminal endeavors and create suspense for the audience.

High Stakes: 8

The scene raises the stakes for the characters by showcasing the risks and rewards of their smuggling operation. The use of the smuggling jacket adds a layer of complexity and danger to their criminal activities, increasing the tension and suspense.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing a key plot device and setting up future smuggling operations. It establishes the characters' resourcefulness and the high stakes of their criminal activities, driving the narrative towards escalating conflicts.

Unpredictability: 8

The scene is unpredictable as the characters navigate dangerous situations and face unexpected challenges.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict is between the characters' loyalty to family and their involvement in criminal activities. This challenges their values and moral beliefs.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

The scene evokes a sense of tension and anticipation, but the emotional impact is somewhat subdued due to the focus on the logistical aspects of smuggling. However, the stakes are raised, setting the stage for future emotional developments.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the characters' intentions and establishes the importance of the smuggling jacket. It builds tension and sets up future conflicts and alliances.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its suspenseful atmosphere, dynamic characters, and high stakes.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and maintains the audience's interest through well-timed reveals and transitions.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting adheres to the expected style for a crime drama genre, enhancing the readability and flow of the scene.

Structure: 9

The scene follows a structured format that effectively builds tension and advances the plot.


Critique
  • The scene effectively introduces Hermilda Escobar as a resourceful character, linking her skills to the larger theme of smuggling in the narrative. However, the dialogue could be more dynamic to enhance the emotional connection between Hermilda and Pablo. Currently, it feels somewhat flat and could benefit from more subtext or tension.
  • Murphy's voiceover provides context but could be more integrated into the scene. Instead of simply stating facts, it could reflect Pablo's feelings or thoughts about his mother's craftsmanship, adding depth to the moment.
  • The transition from Hermilda's sewing to The Lion at the airport is abrupt. While it serves to connect the two characters, the cut could be smoother, perhaps by showing Hermilda's pride in her work or Pablo's excitement, which would create a more emotional bridge to The Lion's subsequent actions.
  • The visual description of the jacket and its secret compartments is intriguing but could be expanded. A more vivid depiction of the jacket's design and Hermilda's meticulous work would enhance the audience's understanding of its significance.
  • The scene lacks a strong conflict or tension. While it serves as an exposition, introducing Hermilda's sewing and The Lion's smuggling, it could benefit from a moment of doubt or concern from Hermilda about the dangers of Pablo's lifestyle, adding emotional weight.
Suggestions
  • Revise the dialogue to include more emotional depth, perhaps by having Hermilda express concern for Pablo's safety or pride in her craftsmanship, which would create a stronger bond between mother and son.
  • Integrate Murphy's voiceover more effectively by having it reflect Pablo's thoughts or feelings about the jacket and its implications, rather than just stating facts about Colombian women and smuggling.
  • Consider adding a brief moment where Hermilda admires her work or expresses a wish for Pablo to lead a different life, which would create a more poignant transition to The Lion's scene.
  • Enhance the visual description of the jacket, focusing on the craftsmanship and the significance of the secret compartments, to emphasize the resourcefulness of Hermilda and the risks involved in smuggling.
  • Introduce a subtle conflict or tension in the scene, such as Hermilda's apprehension about Pablo's activities, to add emotional stakes and make the audience more invested in the characters' fates.



Scene 31 -  A Warm Welcome at Miami Airport
INT. MIAMI INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT - DAY

Lion emerges from the arrival gate, behind someone in a
Dolphins jersey. He looks around.

A VOICE (O.S.)
Yo man, what's up?!

Lion grins.

REVERSING, to find CARLOS LEHDER, 30s, a deep tan, a "John
Lennon" t-shirt, and a swastika tattooed on his arm.

MURPHY (V.O.)
And that's Carlos Lehder. Half
Colombian, half German, one hundred
percent playboy. Big fan of John
Lennon and Adolf Hitler. Go figure.

The two men hug. Lehder eyes Lion.
NARCOS Ep. 101 "Descenso" 5/13/14 29.

LEHDER
It's hot man. Why the fuck are you
wearing a jacket?

MURPHY (V.O.)
Back in '79 Lehder was flying bales
of grass up from Colombia on a fleet
of small planes.
Genres: ["Crime","Drama","Thriller"]

Summary Lion arrives at Miami International Airport and is greeted by Carlos Lehder, a charismatic figure with a controversial appearance. Their friendly exchange highlights their camaraderie, while a voiceover provides insight into Lehder's background as a drug trafficker from Colombia. The scene sets a light-hearted tone, contrasting Lehder's playful demeanor with hints of his darker past.
Strengths
  • Tense atmosphere
  • Intriguing character introduction
  • Foreboding tone
Weaknesses
  • Limited character development
  • Lack of action or resolution

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively introduces a new character and sets up a sense of impending conflict and danger. The dialogue and interactions between Lion and Lehder create intrigue and tension, keeping the audience engaged.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of introducing a new character in a high-stakes environment while hinting at larger conflicts and criminal activities is well-executed. The scene sets up future plot developments and adds depth to the narrative.

Plot: 7

The plot is advanced by introducing Carlos Lehder and establishing his character as a key player in the criminal activities to come. The scene sets the stage for future conflicts and developments, adding layers to the overall story.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a unique character in Carlos Lehder, whose contradictory beliefs and actions add depth to the narrative. The authenticity of the dialogue and character interactions enhances the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters of Lion and Lehder are intriguing and well-developed in this scene. Their interactions reveal aspects of their personalities and motivations, setting up potential conflicts and alliances in the future.

Character Changes: 6

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the introduction of Lehder adds a new dynamic to the story and sets the stage for potential character development and evolution in future scenes.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to navigate a potentially dangerous encounter with Carlos Lehder while maintaining his composure and not revealing any vulnerabilities.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to establish a connection with Carlos Lehder and gather information about his activities without raising suspicion.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict in the scene is palpable, with tensions running high between Lion and Lehder. The power dynamics and potential for betrayal create a sense of unease and anticipation, setting the stage for future confrontations.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the potential for conflict and danger looming over the protagonist's interactions with Carlos Lehder.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in this scene, as the introduction of Lehder hints at dangerous criminal activities, potential betrayals, and power struggles to come. The characters are in a precarious position, setting the stage for intense conflicts and risks.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing a key character, setting up future conflicts, and hinting at larger criminal activities and power struggles. It advances the narrative and adds depth to the overall plot.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the conflicting values and beliefs of the characters, as well as the potential for violence or betrayal.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the protagonist's need to interact with someone whose beliefs and values are vastly different and potentially dangerous. It challenges the protagonist's moral compass and forces him to navigate a delicate situation.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene elicits a sense of tension, intrigue, and foreboding, which can evoke emotional responses from the audience. The interactions between the characters and the ominous atmosphere contribute to the emotional impact of the scene.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue between Lion and Lehder is tense, engaging, and reveals important information about their characters and the world they inhabit. The exchanges are well-crafted and contribute to the overall atmosphere of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the tension between the characters, the dark humor in the dialogue, and the potential danger lurking beneath the surface.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene builds tension effectively, drawing the audience into the conflict and setting up the dynamics between the characters.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and concise, following the expected format for a screenplay in the crime drama genre.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a crime drama, setting up a tense encounter between the protagonist and a potentially dangerous character. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the effectiveness of the scene.


Critique
  • The scene effectively introduces Carlos Lehder, providing a vivid characterization through both visual description and Murphy's voiceover. However, the juxtaposition of his admiration for John Lennon and Adolf Hitler feels somewhat forced and could benefit from a more nuanced exploration of his character's contradictions.
  • The dialogue between Lion and Lehder is brief and serves its purpose, but it lacks depth. Expanding their exchange could enhance their relationship and provide insight into their motivations and personalities. This would also help to establish the stakes of their partnership in the drug trade.
  • The voiceover from Murphy is informative but could be more engaging. Instead of merely stating facts about Lehder, consider incorporating a more personal or anecdotal tone that reflects Murphy's perspective or experiences with Lehder, adding emotional weight to the narrative.
  • The visual elements are strong, particularly the description of Lehder's appearance, which paints a clear picture of his character. However, the scene could benefit from more sensory details to immerse the audience in the airport environment, such as sounds, smells, or the hustle and bustle of travelers.
  • The transition from the previous scene to this one is somewhat abrupt. A smoother segue could help maintain narrative flow and keep the audience engaged. Consider adding a brief moment that connects Lion's successful passage through customs to his arrival in Miami.
Suggestions
  • Expand the dialogue between Lion and Lehder to reveal more about their relationship and the dynamics of their partnership. This could include banter, shared history, or differing views on their operations.
  • Enhance Murphy's voiceover by incorporating personal anecdotes or reflections that provide context for Lehder's character and his significance in the drug trade, making it more relatable and engaging.
  • Add sensory details to the scene to create a more immersive experience for the audience. Describe the sounds of the airport, the hustle of travelers, or the heat of the Miami sun to enhance the setting.
  • Consider a smoother transition from the previous scene to this one, perhaps by including a brief moment that reflects Lion's feelings about arriving in Miami or his anticipation of meeting Lehder.
  • Explore the contradictions in Lehder's character more deeply, perhaps through a brief flashback or a line of dialogue that hints at his complex motivations and beliefs, making him a more compelling antagonist.



Scene 32 -  Tension in the Cadillac
INT. CAR - LONG TERM PARKING LOT - DAY

Lehder sits behind the wheel of a boat Cadillac. Lion pulls
a bag of COCAINE from inside his "secret" jacket.

LION
It's the perfect product.

LEHDER
I did a bit in jail, remember? I
saw this stuff. It's poison.

LION
Pablo thinks the gringos will love
it.

LEHDER
It will fuck their brains up - that’s
for sure.

The Lion opens the car door and steps outside.

LEHDER (CONT'D)
Where are you going?

Lion shows Lehder a plane ticket.

LION
Back home. Pick me up tomorrow.
Genres: ["Crime","Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In a long-term parking lot, Lehder and Lion sit in a Cadillac discussing the implications of cocaine. Lion is enthusiastic about the drug's market potential, while Lehder expresses concern over its harmful effects. Despite Lehder's warnings, Lion reveals his plans to leave, showing a plane ticket and asking Lehder to pick him up the next day. The scene ends with Lion exiting the car, leaving Lehder behind, highlighting the unresolved conflict between their differing views on the drug.
Strengths
  • Effective tension-building
  • Strong character dynamics
  • Engaging dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Limited character development
  • Lack of emotional depth in this particular scene

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively sets up the tension and danger of the drug trade, introducing key characters and establishing the high stakes involved.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the scene, focusing on the exchange of cocaine and the dangers of the drug trade, is well-executed and engaging.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene moves the story forward by introducing key elements of the drug trade and setting up future conflicts. The exchange of cocaine adds depth to the narrative.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh approach to the theme of drug trafficking by focusing on the characters' internal struggles and moral dilemmas. The dialogue feels authentic and reveals the complexity of the criminal underworld.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters in the scene, particularly Lion and Lehder, are well-developed and their interactions add depth to the story. Their conflicting views on the drug trade create tension.

Character Changes: 7

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the interactions between Lion and Lehder hint at potential developments in their relationship.

Internal Goal: 8

Lehder's internal goal is to protect himself and his interests by expressing his concerns about the cocaine being poison. This reflects his fear of the consequences of dealing with dangerous substances and his desire to stay safe.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to continue the drug trafficking operation by sending Lion back home with the cocaine. This reflects the immediate challenge of maintaining the criminal enterprise and avoiding detection.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between Lion and Lehder, as well as the underlying tension of the drug trade, adds depth and intensity to the scene.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Lehder and Lion facing conflicting goals and moral dilemmas that create obstacles to their criminal operation.

High Stakes: 9

The high stakes of the drug trade, as well as the conflicts between characters, add intensity and urgency to the scene.

Story Forward: 9

The scene effectively moves the story forward by introducing key plot points and setting up future conflicts in the narrative.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the characters' conflicting motivations and the uncertain outcome of their actions. The audience is left wondering how the situation will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between the characters' differing views on the morality and consequences of drug trafficking. Lehder sees the cocaine as poison, while Lion sees it as a profitable product. This challenges Lehder's values and beliefs about the impact of their actions.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene elicits a sense of foreboding and tension, setting up emotional stakes for the characters involved.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue in the scene is sharp and impactful, revealing the characters' motivations and setting up future conflicts. The exchange between Lion and Lehder is particularly engaging.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the high stakes, moral dilemmas, and intense dialogue that keeps the audience on the edge of their seats.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and suspense, with a balance of action and dialogue that keeps the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with clear scene headings and dialogue formatting. The visual descriptions enhance the atmosphere of the setting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a crime thriller genre, with a clear setup of the conflict and resolution of the characters' goals. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the tension and suspense.


Critique
  • The dialogue between Lehder and Lion effectively establishes their relationship and the stakes involved in their drug trade. However, the exchange feels somewhat flat and lacks emotional depth. The characters could benefit from more nuanced dialogue that reveals their motivations and fears regarding the drug trade, especially given the dangerous implications of their actions.
  • Lehder's warning about cocaine being 'poison' is a strong line, but it could be enhanced by exploring his personal experiences further. This would add layers to his character and provide insight into why he feels this way, making the audience more invested in his perspective.
  • The scene's setting in a long-term parking lot is visually mundane and does not evoke the tension or danger associated with drug trafficking. A more dynamic setting could enhance the atmosphere, such as a secluded area or a more luxurious vehicle that reflects their status in the drug world.
  • Lion's decision to leave and ask Lehder to pick him up the next day feels abrupt and lacks context. It would be beneficial to provide a brief explanation of why he is leaving, which could add stakes to the scene and create anticipation for the next encounter.
  • The scene ends rather abruptly without a strong emotional or narrative hook. A more impactful closing line or action could leave the audience wanting more and create a stronger connection to the overarching narrative.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment of hesitation or conflict in Lehder's response to Lion's enthusiasm about cocaine. This could create tension and highlight the moral ambiguity of their actions.
  • Incorporate more descriptive visuals to enhance the setting. For example, describe the Cadillac in more detail or the surrounding environment to create a more immersive experience.
  • Explore the backstory of Lehder's time in jail and how it has shaped his views on cocaine. This could be done through a brief flashback or a more detailed conversation that reveals his character's complexity.
  • Add a moment where Lion reflects on the consequences of their actions before leaving, which could deepen his character and create a more emotional connection with the audience.
  • Consider ending the scene with a visual cue or a line that hints at the impending danger or consequences of their actions, creating a stronger narrative thread that ties into the larger story.



Scene 33 -  The Lion's Route: Smuggling Secrets
EXT. MIAMI INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT - DAY

A PLANE takes off.

MURPHY (V.O.)
The Lion made more than twenty flights
between Medellín and Miami - drugs
in, cash out. And the rich and famous
in Miami snorted every single gram
of it. In no time, Pablo had to
replace his cars with trucks...
NARCOS Ep. 101 "Descenso" 5/13/14 30.

EXT. PERUVIAN MOUNTAIN ROAD - AERIAL VIEW - SUNRISE

A paved road cuts a ribbon through the forest.

MURPHY (V.O.)
Gustavo had the trucks filled to the
brim with potatoes, the major item
Colombia imported from Peru. Didn't
even have to bribe the cops.

Several TRUCKS filled to the brim with potatoes appear from
FRAME LEFT, snaking their way through the pass.

MURPHY (V.O.) (CONT'D)
The coke paste was hidden in the
spare tires. Each tire could fit
about 20 kilos. Ten trucks, twenty
kilos each, going back and forth
everyday. You do the math. It's
more money than you can imagine. No
way the Lion could transport it all.

LOW ANGLE

One of the trucks passes by Colombian customs, a spare tire
attached to it.

MURPHY (V.O.)
Pretty soon, the Lion had to come up
with new ways to smuggle the drug to
Miami.
Genres: ["Crime","Drama","Thriller"]

Summary The scene begins with a plane departing from Miami, as Murphy narrates the extensive drug trafficking operations of Pablo Escobar, known as 'the Lion.' He describes how the Lion orchestrated numerous flights between Medellín and Miami, transporting drugs while cash flowed back. The focus shifts to a Peruvian mountain road at sunrise, where trucks carrying potatoes actually conceal cocaine paste in their spare tires, allowing for discreet smuggling. The scene concludes with a truck passing through Colombian customs, highlighting the ongoing challenges and strategies in the drug trade.
Strengths
  • Detailed explanation of smuggling operation
  • Innovative smuggling techniques
  • Escalating stakes
Weaknesses
  • Limited emotional depth
  • Some dialogue may be exposition-heavy

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively sets up the high-stakes world of drug smuggling, introduces innovative smuggling methods, and provides crucial information about the characters' operations.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of the scene is strong, focusing on the intricacies of drug smuggling, the innovative methods employed by the characters, and the escalating challenges they encounter.

Plot: 8

The plot is well-developed, highlighting the characters' smuggling operation, the challenges they face, and the evolving strategies they employ to transport drugs.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh perspective on drug smuggling operations, detailing the intricate methods used to transport drugs across borders. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 7

The characters are effectively portrayed in their criminal activities, showcasing their resourcefulness, determination, and escalating involvement in the drug trade.

Character Changes: 6

There is some character development as Pablo has to adapt to new smuggling methods and challenges, showcasing his resourcefulness and determination.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is likely to maintain the success of the drug smuggling operation and stay ahead of law enforcement. This reflects their deeper desire for power, wealth, and control.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to come up with new ways to smuggle drugs to Miami after facing challenges in transporting them through traditional means.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The scene has a high level of conflict as the characters navigate the challenges of drug smuggling, law enforcement, and the risks involved in their criminal activities.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with law enforcement and logistical challenges posing obstacles to the protagonist's goals.

High Stakes: 9

The scene effectively conveys the high stakes involved in the characters' smuggling operation, highlighting the risks, challenges, and consequences of their criminal activities.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by introducing new smuggling methods, escalating the stakes, and setting the stage for further developments in the characters' criminal activities.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected challenges the protagonist faces in smuggling drugs and the creative solutions they come up with.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the morality of drug smuggling and the consequences of illegal activities. It challenges the protagonist's beliefs about the ethics of their actions and the impact on society.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

The scene has a moderate emotional impact, primarily driven by the tension and suspense surrounding the characters' smuggling operation.

Dialogue: 6

The dialogue serves the purpose of conveying crucial information about the smuggling operation, the characters' motivations, and the challenges they face.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its suspenseful tone, detailed descriptions of criminal activities, and the high stakes involved in drug smuggling.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and suspense, with a balance of action and exposition.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with clear scene headings and descriptions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a crime drama genre, with a clear setup of the protagonist's goals and challenges.


Critique
  • The scene effectively uses voiceover to convey critical information about the drug trafficking operations, but it could benefit from more visual storytelling. The reliance on exposition through Murphy's voiceover may disengage viewers who prefer to see the action unfold rather than hear about it.
  • The transition from Miami to the Peruvian mountain road is somewhat abrupt. While the aerial view is visually striking, it lacks a clear narrative connection to the previous scene. A smoother transition could enhance the flow of the story.
  • The description of the trucks filled with potatoes is intriguing, but it could be more impactful if the scene included visual elements that emphasize the contrast between the legitimate cargo and the hidden cocaine. This would heighten the tension and stakes involved in the smuggling operation.
  • The voiceover mentions the scale of the operation ('more money than you can imagine'), but it would be more effective if the scene visually represented this scale. For instance, showing the sheer number of trucks or the bustling activity at the customs checkpoint could reinforce the enormity of the operation.
  • The low-angle shot of the truck passing by customs is a good visual choice, but it could be enhanced by including the reactions of customs officers or other characters. This would add depth to the scene and illustrate the risks involved in the smuggling operation.
Suggestions
  • Consider incorporating more visual storytelling elements to complement the voiceover. Show characters interacting with the cargo, or include scenes of the workers loading the trucks to create a more immersive experience.
  • Add a transitional shot or a brief moment that connects the end of the previous scene with this one, perhaps showing Lion leaving the airport and the trucks preparing for their journey.
  • Enhance the contrast between the legitimate and illicit aspects of the operation by visually depicting the potatoes and the hidden cocaine in a more dramatic way, such as close-ups of the hidden drugs or the nervousness of the drivers.
  • Include a moment of tension at the customs checkpoint, such as a close call with law enforcement or a moment of doubt from the drivers, to heighten the stakes and engage the audience further.
  • Consider using sound design to complement the visuals, such as the sounds of the trucks on the road or the bustling activity at customs, to create a more immersive atmosphere.



Scene 34 -  Smuggling Lessons in Belen
INT. COCAINE KITCHEN - BELEN, COLOMBIA - DAY

The Lion teaches several YOUNG WOMEN how to eat condoms filled
up with cocaine. Three of them are pregnant.

LION
Wait a second - we got a problem
here. You three, step this way.

The three PREGNANT WOMEN step to the right. They're
disappointed they can't share in this bonanza.

LION (CONT'D)
U.S. Customs doesn't search pregnant
women. I think you can swallow sixty
pellets instead of fifty.

The women nod.
NARCOS Ep. 101 "Descenso" 5/13/14 31.

INT. COCAINE KITCHEN - BELEN, COLOMBIA - LATER

The Lion teaches a COMMERCIAL PILOT and a STEWARD how to
hide cocaine in their luggage.

MURPHY (V.O.)
During the early 80s most AVIANCA
flights out of Bogota had several
mules on them - they didn't even
know about each other.
Genres: ["Crime","Drama"]

Summary In a cocaine kitchen in Belen, Colombia, The Lion instructs young women on how to ingest condoms filled with cocaine for smuggling. Three pregnant women initially feel excluded but are reassured by The Lion that they can swallow more pellets since U.S. Customs doesn't search them. The scene also features a commercial pilot and a steward learning to conceal cocaine in their luggage, highlighting the extensive network of drug mules on AVIANCA flights in the early 80s. The tone is darkly comedic and unsettling, reflecting the absurdity of the situation, and ends with a voiceover indicating The Lion's need to adapt smuggling methods.
Strengths
  • Detailed portrayal of drug smuggling operation
  • High-stakes tension
  • Shocking use of pregnant women for smuggling
Weaknesses
  • Negative sentiment may be too intense for some audiences

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively portrays the dark and intense world of drug trafficking, showcasing the lengths people will go to for profit. The negative sentiment adds to the gritty realism of the narrative.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of using unconventional methods to smuggle drugs, such as pregnant women and airline staff, is innovative and adds depth to the portrayal of the drug trade.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene revolves around the intricate drug smuggling operation orchestrated by The Lion, showcasing the risks and challenges faced by the characters involved.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh and original take on the criminal underworld, showcasing the brutal realities of drug trafficking and the ethical dilemmas faced by the characters. The authenticity of the dialogue and actions adds depth and complexity to the scene, making it stand out in its portrayal of criminal activities.


Character Development

Characters: 7

The characters in the scene, particularly The Lion, are portrayed as ruthless and cunning individuals willing to exploit others for their own gain. The use of pregnant women highlights the moral ambiguity of the characters.

Character Changes: 6

While there is not significant character development in this scene, The Lion's ruthless nature is further emphasized through his exploitation of pregnant women for drug smuggling.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is likely survival and success in the criminal underworld. The Lion is focused on teaching others how to smuggle drugs effectively, showcasing his expertise and authority in this dangerous world.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to train others in the art of drug smuggling, ensuring that they can successfully transport illegal substances without getting caught.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict in the scene arises from the characters' risky and unethical actions, as they navigate the dangerous world of drug trafficking.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the characters facing difficult challenges and moral dilemmas. The audience is unsure of how the characters will navigate these obstacles, adding to the tension and suspense of the scene.

High Stakes: 9

The high stakes in the scene are evident through the dangerous and unethical actions taken by the characters, as well as the potential consequences of their involvement in drug trafficking.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by showcasing the elaborate drug smuggling operation orchestrated by The Lion, providing insight into the risks and challenges faced by the characters.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists and turns in the characters' actions and decisions. The audience is kept guessing about the outcome of the scene, adding to the suspense and excitement.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the morality of drug trafficking and the exploitation of vulnerable individuals, such as pregnant women. The protagonist's actions challenge societal norms and ethical boundaries, highlighting the clash between criminal behavior and moral values.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene elicits a negative emotional impact due to the exploitation of vulnerable individuals for criminal purposes. The use of pregnant women adds a layer of discomfort and tension.

Dialogue: 6

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the pragmatic and cynical nature of the characters involved in the drug trade. The conversations focus on the logistics of smuggling and the risks involved.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense atmosphere, morally complex characters, and high stakes. The tension and danger present in the scene keep the audience on the edge of their seats, eager to see how the characters' actions will unfold.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a balance of action, dialogue, and description. The rhythm of the scene keeps the audience engaged and invested in the characters' actions, building tension and suspense effectively.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings, dialogue formatting, and action descriptions. The formatting enhances the readability and flow of the scene, making it easy to follow and understand.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear and engaging structure, with a well-defined setting, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm of the scene contribute to its effectiveness, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the characters' actions.


Critique
  • The scene effectively highlights the desperation and resourcefulness of individuals involved in drug trafficking, particularly through the use of pregnant women as mules. This choice raises ethical questions and adds a layer of moral complexity to the narrative, which is commendable.
  • The dialogue is concise and serves its purpose, but it could benefit from more emotional depth. The disappointment of the pregnant women could be explored further to evoke sympathy from the audience, making their situation more relatable and tragic.
  • The transition between the two parts of the scene feels abrupt. While the first part focuses on the pregnant women, the shift to the pilot and steward lacks a clear narrative connection. A smoother transition could enhance the flow and coherence of the scene.
  • Murphy's voiceover provides necessary context, but it could be more engaging. Instead of merely stating facts, it could incorporate more personal reflections or anecdotes that connect Murphy's experiences to the broader implications of the drug trade.
  • The setting of a 'cocaine kitchen' is intriguing, but it could be described in more vivid detail to create a stronger visual impact. This would help immerse the audience in the environment and emphasize the clandestine nature of the operations.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment where the pregnant women express their feelings about being used as mules, which could deepen the emotional resonance of the scene.
  • Introduce a character or a brief interaction that highlights the risks involved in their actions, perhaps through a warning or a story about a previous mule's fate, to heighten the tension.
  • Create a more seamless transition between the two parts of the scene by including a line or action that connects the women’s situation to the pilot and steward, perhaps indicating that they are all part of the same smuggling operation.
  • Enhance Murphy's voiceover by incorporating a personal anecdote or reflection that ties his experiences to the broader themes of exploitation and moral ambiguity in the drug trade.
  • Add sensory details to the setting, such as the smell of chemicals or the cramped conditions of the kitchen, to create a more immersive experience for the audience.



Scene 35 -  The Rise of Cocaine Smuggling
INT. MIAMI INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT - DAY

COMMERCIAL AIRPLANE PILOTS, YOUNG WOMEN and STEWARDS walk
right through the U.S. CUSTOMS.

MURPHY (V.O.)
And you know what? Getting in was
easy, because nobody was worried
about cocaine in America. All we
cared about was grass.

Everyone walks right in.

MONTAGE: VARIOUS LOCATIONS (PER PRODUCTION)

FISHERMEN put COCAINE bags inside fish and take to the sea.
COCAINE bags are inserted into OLIVE OIL cans and coffee
packages.

MURPHY (V.O.) (CONT'D)
Pretty soon cocaine was hidden in
almost every legit Colombian export.
Fish, coffee, olive oil, rubber
hoses... You name it. But even that
didn't do it. The real game-changer
was filling Lehder's planes with
coke instead of weed.
Genres: ["Crime","Drama","Thriller"]

Summary Set in Miami International Airport, the scene features a voiceover by Murphy reflecting on the ease of cocaine smuggling in the early 80s, contrasting it with the focus on marijuana at the time. A montage illustrates various smuggling methods, such as hiding cocaine in fish and everyday products. Murphy highlights a pivotal shift in the drug trade with the introduction of planes for transporting cocaine, marking a significant change in the landscape of drug trafficking.
Strengths
  • Detailed depiction of drug smuggling operations
  • Intriguing character introductions
  • High stakes and tension building
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue could be more dynamic
  • Limited emotional impact in certain scenes

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively sets the tone for the criminal activities surrounding cocaine smuggling, provides crucial information about the operations, and introduces key characters, creating intrigue and setting up future conflicts.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of exploring the detailed process of cocaine smuggling, the use of innovative concealment methods, and the introduction of key characters adds depth and complexity to the storyline.

Plot: 8

The plot is engaging as it delves into the criminal activities of cocaine smuggling, sets up future conflicts and developments, and keeps the audience invested in the unfolding events.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh perspective on drug smuggling by highlighting the creative ways in which cocaine was hidden and smuggled. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are intriguing, with distinct personalities and motivations, driving the narrative forward and adding layers of complexity to the story.

Character Changes: 7

Some characters show subtle changes in their attitudes and decisions, particularly in relation to the drug trade and the risks involved, setting the stage for potential character arcs.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is likely to navigate the dangerous world of drug smuggling while maintaining their own safety and success. This reflects their deeper need for survival and possibly power in a risky environment.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to successfully smuggle cocaine into the country without getting caught. This reflects the immediate challenge they are facing in their criminal activities.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The scene has a high level of conflict due to the risky nature of drug smuggling, the introduction of key players in the criminal world, and the potential consequences of their actions.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist facing the challenge of smuggling cocaine in creative and risky ways, adding a layer of uncertainty to the outcome.

High Stakes: 9

The scene has high stakes due to the illegal nature of drug smuggling, the risks faced by the characters, and the potential consequences of their actions, creating tension and suspense.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by introducing key elements of the drug trade, setting up future conflicts, and advancing the plot with crucial information and character interactions.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because it showcases the unexpected ways in which cocaine was smuggled, adding a layer of suspense and intrigue to the narrative.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the moral dilemma of engaging in illegal and harmful activities for personal gain. It challenges the protagonist's beliefs and values as they navigate the dangerous world of drug smuggling.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene has a moderate emotional impact, primarily driven by the high stakes involved in drug smuggling, the risks faced by the characters, and the tension in key interactions.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue effectively conveys information about the drug trade, the characters' intentions, and builds tension in key interactions, although it could be more dynamic in certain exchanges.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it immerses the audience in the dangerous world of drug smuggling, with a mix of tension and dark humor that keeps viewers hooked.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the unfolding events.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and dialogue that enhance the narrative.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, effectively setting up the criminal activities and challenges faced by the protagonist.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the ease with which cocaine was smuggled into the U.S. during the early 80s, using Murphy's voiceover to provide context and commentary. However, the montage could benefit from more dynamic visuals that illustrate the smuggling methods in a more engaging way, rather than relying solely on voiceover.
  • The transition from the airport to the montage feels abrupt. A smoother transition could enhance the flow of the scene, perhaps by showing a specific character or item that connects the airport to the various smuggling methods.
  • While the voiceover provides valuable information, it risks overshadowing the visual storytelling. Striking a better balance between the visuals and the voiceover could create a more immersive experience for the audience.
  • The montage lacks a sense of urgency or tension, which could be enhanced by incorporating sound design elements, such as the sounds of bustling airport activity or the ocean waves, to create a more vivid atmosphere.
  • The line 'But even that didn't do it' feels vague and could be more impactful if it were rephrased to clarify what 'that' refers to, ensuring the audience fully understands the progression of the smuggling methods.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a character or a specific moment that bridges the airport scene to the montage, such as a customs officer's perspective or a close-up of a suspicious bag being checked.
  • Incorporate more visual storytelling elements in the montage, such as close-ups of the cocaine being hidden in various products, to create a more visceral understanding of the smuggling process.
  • Enhance the emotional tone of the scene by adding background music that reflects the tension and stakes involved in drug trafficking, making the audience feel the weight of the situation.
  • Revise the voiceover to include more specific examples of the consequences of these smuggling methods, perhaps hinting at the impact on communities or law enforcement, to deepen the narrative.
  • Consider ending the scene with a strong visual or line that foreshadows the escalation of the drug trade, setting the stage for the subsequent developments in the story.



Scene 36 -  Negotiating the Route
EXT. MEDELLÍN INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT - DAY

Pablo and Gustavo negotiate with Carlos Lehder in front of a
KING AIR airplane.

GUSTAVO
How much weight can you carry?

LEHDER
Where to?

GUSTAVO
Miami.
NARCOS Ep. 101 "Descenso" 5/13/14 32.

LEHDER
About a thousand kilos, including
the fuel.

GUSTAVO
What if we take out all the seats,
and leave room just for the pilot?

Lehder stares at Gustavo, puzzled.

MURPHY (V.O.)
Six months after meeting with
Cockroach, Pablo was establishing
the first dedicated Narco route from
Colombia to America.

AERIAL SHOT - a KING AIR plane flies really low over the
ocean, approaching the Bahamas. (ARCHIVAL FOOTAGE)

MURPHY (V.O.) (CONT'D)
A real milestone in the story of
narcotics.

INSIDE THE PLANE - Lehder flies the plane. Behind him,
several loads of coke.

MURPHY (V.O.) (CONT'D)
Then Pablo closed the kitchen and
started opening cocaine labs in the
middle of the jungle -
Genres: ["Crime","Drama","Thriller"]

Summary Pablo and Gustavo negotiate with Carlos Lehder at Medellín International Airport about the King Air airplane's capacity for transporting cocaine to Miami. Gustavo suggests removing the seats to increase cargo space, leaving Lehder confused. The scene transitions to an aerial shot of the plane flying over the ocean, indicating the establishment of a narcotics route from Colombia to America, while a voiceover highlights the significance of this development in Pablo's operations.
Strengths
  • Effective introduction of the Narco route
  • Establishment of Carlos Lehder's character
  • Informative insights into drug trafficking operations
  • Intense and suspenseful tone
Weaknesses
  • Limited character development in this scene

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively introduces a crucial development in the plot, sets a dark and intense tone, and provides informative insights into the drug trafficking operations. It keeps the audience engaged and eager to see how the story unfolds.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of establishing the first dedicated Narco route from Colombia to America is innovative and crucial to the overall plot. It introduces a key element in the story of narcotics and sets the stage for the escalating conflict and stakes in the narrative.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene is well-structured, focusing on the establishment of the Narco route and the introduction of Carlos Lehder. It moves the story forward by revealing key developments in the drug trafficking operations and sets the stage for future conflicts and challenges.

Originality: 8

The scene offers a fresh perspective on the drug trade, showcasing the intricacies of negotiating transportation for illegal goods. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 7

While the scene primarily focuses on introducing Carlos Lehder and his role in the drug trade, it provides some insight into the characters of Pablo and Gustavo. The characters are instrumental in driving the plot forward and establishing the escalating stakes in the narrative.

Character Changes: 6

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the introduction of Carlos Lehder and the escalating drug trade operations hint at potential transformations and challenges that the characters will face in the future. The scene sets the stage for character development and growth.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to establish a successful drug trafficking route from Colombia to America. This reflects his desire for power, wealth, and control in the criminal underworld.

External Goal: 7.5

The protagonist's external goal is to negotiate a deal with Carlos Lehder to transport a large quantity of drugs to Miami. This goal reflects the immediate challenge of expanding his drug empire and securing transportation for his illegal goods.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The scene introduces a significant conflict in the form of establishing the Narco route and the risks involved in drug trafficking. The escalating stakes and challenges faced by the characters create tension and suspense, setting the stage for future confrontations and obstacles.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting goals, power struggles, and unpredictable outcomes. The audience is kept engaged by the challenges and obstacles faced by the characters.

High Stakes: 8

The scene establishes high stakes by showcasing the risks and dangers involved in drug trafficking, particularly with the introduction of the Narco route and the escalating operations. The characters face significant challenges and potential consequences, raising the tension and suspense in the story.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by introducing the Narco route, establishing the character of Carlos Lehder, and showcasing the escalating drug trade operations. It sets the stage for future conflicts, challenges, and developments in the narrative.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the shifting power dynamics, unexpected twists in the negotiation, and the characters' unpredictable actions. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of how the scene will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the morality of drug trafficking and the characters' willingness to engage in illegal activities for personal gain. This challenges the protagonist's values and beliefs as he navigates the dangerous world of narcotics.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene has a moderate emotional impact, primarily driven by the intense and suspenseful tone, as well as the risks and dangers associated with drug trafficking. While not overly emotional, it effectively conveys the seriousness of the characters' actions and decisions.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue in the scene is informative and serves to advance the plot by discussing the logistics of the Narco route and showcasing the characters' motivations. While not overly dramatic, the dialogue effectively conveys the intensity and seriousness of the drug trafficking operations.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its high-stakes negotiation, suspenseful dialogue, and dramatic conflict. The audience is drawn into the tense atmosphere of the drug trade world.

Pacing: 8.5

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a balance of dialogue, action, and description that maintains tension and suspense. The rhythm of the scene contributes to its effectiveness in building drama and conflict.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with clear scene headings, dialogue, and action descriptions. The formatting enhances the readability and flow of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a crime drama, with clear character motivations, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm of the scene contribute to its effectiveness in building tension and suspense.


Critique
  • The scene effectively conveys the escalating scale of drug trafficking operations, particularly the shift from marijuana to cocaine. This transition is crucial for establishing the stakes and the characters' ambitions. However, the dialogue could benefit from more tension or conflict to heighten the stakes of the negotiation. As it stands, the exchange feels somewhat flat and lacks urgency.
  • The character of Lehder is introduced as a significant player, but his puzzlement at Gustavo's suggestion to remove the seats could be expanded to show more of his personality or concerns. This would help to flesh out his character and make the negotiation feel more dynamic.
  • Murphy's voiceover provides necessary context, but it could be more integrated into the scene rather than feeling like an afterthought. The voiceover should enhance the visual storytelling rather than merely summarize it. Consider using the voiceover to reflect on the implications of their actions or to provide insight into the characters' motivations.
  • The aerial shot of the King Air plane flying low over the ocean is visually striking, but it could be more impactful if it were tied directly to the characters' dialogue or actions. For instance, showing the plane taking off immediately after the negotiation could create a stronger connection between the dialogue and the visual elements.
  • The transition from the negotiation to the archival footage could be smoother. The abrupt shift may confuse viewers. Consider using a more gradual transition that maintains the tension of the negotiation while introducing the historical context.
Suggestions
  • Add more tension to the negotiation dialogue by incorporating stakes or consequences for failure. For example, introduce a time constraint or a rival group that could jeopardize their plans.
  • Develop Lehder's character further by adding a line or two that reveals his thoughts or feelings about the operation, which could create a more engaging dynamic between him and Gustavo.
  • Rework the voiceover to provide deeper insights into the characters' motivations or the broader implications of their actions, rather than just summarizing events.
  • Consider linking the aerial shot of the plane more closely to the dialogue, perhaps by showing the plane taking off immediately after the negotiation concludes, reinforcing the significance of their deal.
  • Smooth out the transition to archival footage by using a visual or auditory cue that connects the negotiation to the historical context, such as a sound of the plane's engines fading into the archival footage.



Scene 37 -  Jungle Tensions
EXT. DEEP JUNGLE LAB - COLOMBIA - DAY

A tented jungle lab with white-smocked WORKERS. Ten times
bigger than the one Cockroach managed in Chile.

MURPHY (V.O.)
Under the canopy cover of the
Colombian rainforest, he could expand
his production capacity indefinitely
without anyone noticing it.

Cockroach trains the workers in the arts and sciences of
cocaine production - he's sweating, mosquitoes all over his
face as a CESSNA AIRPLANE lands in an airstrip next to the
lab - Gustavo and Pablo step outside - followed by two
beautiful HOOKERS.

Cockroach approaches them.

GUSTAVO
Hello, Moreno.
NARCOS Ep. 101 "Descenso" 5/13/14 33.

PABLO
(re: hookers)
We brought you a gift. Brazilians -
best asses in the world.

Cockroach eyes the women.

COCKROACH
How come you guys are flying about
in planes and I am stuck here in the
fucking jungle - living in a fucking
shack - among fucking mosquitoes and
cobras?

Gustavo notices the shacks where the workers live.

GUSTAVO
You are right, Moreno. I’m sorry.

PABLO
From now on I'll build a big air-
conditioned house in all my labs -
just for you.

Cockroach looks at Pablo, pissed.

COCKROACH
Those are my labs, Pablo. My labs.

GUSTAVO
Of course they are, partner.
(tapping Cockroach)
Now show us what you got.
Genres: ["Crime","Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In a large jungle lab in Colombia, Cockroach confronts Gustavo and Pablo about his frustrations with their luxurious lifestyle compared to his harsh living conditions. While Gustavo acknowledges his grievances, Pablo attempts to lighten the mood with a joke about building Cockroach a nicer house, which Cockroach firmly claims as his labs. The scene captures the tension between Cockroach's feelings of undervaluation and the dark humor of the situation, ending with Gustavo urging Cockroach to demonstrate his work.
Strengths
  • Intense conflict
  • Strong character dynamics
  • Compelling dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Limited character development for secondary characters
  • Some cliched dialogue

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively builds tension and establishes the high stakes of the characters' actions. The dialogue and interactions create a sense of unease and anticipation for what's to come.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of showcasing the inner workings of a jungle lab and the power struggles within the group is compelling and adds depth to the overall narrative. It sets the stage for future conflicts and character developments.

Plot: 8

The plot progresses significantly in this scene, introducing new conflicts and tensions that will drive the story forward. It sets up future events and character arcs, adding layers to the overall narrative.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh approach to the portrayal of drug production in a jungle setting, with unique character dynamics and power struggles. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed in this scene, with clear motivations and conflicts driving their actions. The dynamics between them are engaging and set the stage for future character growth and betrayals.

Character Changes: 8

The characters undergo subtle changes in this scene, as their motivations and alliances shift in response to the escalating tensions. It sets the stage for future character development and arcs.

Internal Goal: 8

Cockroach's internal goal in this scene is to assert his authority and control over his partners, Gustavo and Pablo. This reflects his deeper need for power and respect in the criminal world.

External Goal: 7

Cockroach's external goal is to showcase his cocaine production capabilities to Gustavo and Pablo, in order to maintain his position of power and influence in their criminal enterprise.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is intense and multi-layered, with power struggles, betrayals, and shifting alliances driving the tension. It sets up future conflicts and challenges for the characters.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting goals and power struggles between the characters, creating uncertainty and tension.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in this scene, with the characters facing dangerous situations, power struggles, and betrayals that could have serious consequences. It raises the tension and anticipation for what's to come.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward, introducing new conflicts, alliances, and challenges for the characters. It sets up future plot developments and keeps the audience engaged.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the shifting power dynamics and unexpected actions of the characters, keeping the audience on edge.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between Cockroach's desire for control and recognition, and Pablo's attempt to assert his own authority and dominance over the labs. This challenges Cockroach's beliefs about ownership and leadership in the criminal world.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene has a strong emotional impact, evoking tension, unease, and anticipation in the audience. The characters' conflicts and motivations resonate emotionally, drawing the audience into the story.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is sharp and impactful, revealing the characters' personalities and motivations. It adds depth to the scene and enhances the tension between the characters.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the intense power dynamics, conflicts, and suspenseful atmosphere created by the writer.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged and interested in the unfolding events.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with proper scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a crime drama genre, with clear character introductions, conflict development, and resolution.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes the contrast between Cockroach's challenging living conditions and the luxurious lifestyle of Pablo and Gustavo. This dynamic creates tension and highlights the power imbalance within their drug operation.
  • The dialogue is sharp and conveys the characters' frustrations and motivations well. However, Cockroach's complaints could be expanded to provide more depth to his character, allowing the audience to empathize with his plight.
  • The introduction of the hookers serves to emphasize the hedonistic lifestyle associated with drug trafficking, but it feels somewhat superficial. Their presence could be better integrated into the narrative to enhance the scene's thematic depth.
  • Murphy's voiceover provides context and insight into the operations, but it could be more tightly woven into the action. Instead of merely stating facts, the voiceover could reflect Cockroach's internal thoughts or frustrations, creating a stronger emotional connection.
  • The visual description of the jungle lab is vivid, but it could benefit from more sensory details to immerse the audience further. Describing the sounds, smells, and atmosphere of the jungle would enhance the setting and mood.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment where Cockroach demonstrates his skills or knowledge about cocaine production, showcasing his expertise and justifying his frustrations about being stuck in the jungle.
  • Explore Cockroach's backstory briefly through dialogue or voiceover to provide context for his resentment and ambition, making his character more relatable and complex.
  • Integrate the hookers into the scene more meaningfully, perhaps by having them interact with Cockroach or the workers, which could add layers to the dynamics of power and exploitation in the drug trade.
  • Revise Murphy's voiceover to reflect Cockroach's perspective, perhaps expressing his dreams or aspirations, which would create a more personal connection to the narrative.
  • Enhance the sensory details in the scene to create a more immersive experience for the audience, allowing them to feel the heat, hear the buzzing of mosquitoes, and sense the tension in the air.



Scene 38 -  Potato Profits and Cautious Alliances
INT. HACIENDA NAPOLES - ANTIOQUIA - NIGHT

It's a huge party. UNIFORMED WAITERS walk around with food
and beverages. BEAUTIFUL WOMEN everywhere. Cockroach is
alone in a corner - drinking by himself.

MURPHY (V.O.)
Pablo couldn't hide his success from
his friends. They were violent,
crazy and filthy rich. Guys used to
getting what they want, one way or
another.

Pablo, Gustavo, Gacha and Jorge Ochoa are drinking at a table.

GACHA
I heard the potato business is very
profitable these days.
NARCOS Ep. 101 "Descenso" 5/13/14 34.

Gacha picks up a French fry.

GACHA (CONT'D)
Who would think you could make so
much money off this? I am asking
myself if I should invest in it.
What do you think, Pablo?

JORGE OCHOA
I took a good look at the market.
Importing potatoes from Peru is easy.
Old smuggling routes.

GUSTAVO
If everyone starts buying potatoes
at one time, the Peruvians will raise
the price. Our margins will go down.

GACHA
They also grow potatoes in Bolivia.
We can reduce the cost of the refining
process if we buy together.

GUSTAVO
The hard part is getting the
merchandise to Miami. You need a
lot of creativity for that.

GACHA
How much would you charge to help us
be creative?

PABLO
You deliver the product to me,
labeled. I take it to Miami, and
deliver to your contact there. I
charge 35% of the sales value. But
I insure the safety of your load up
to 50% of the value.
(then)
Deal?

JORGE OCHOA
Deal.

GACHA
I will create my own routes and stop
using your services as soon as
possible. That okay with you?

Pablo stares at Gacha.
NARCOS Ep. 101 "Descenso" 5/13/14 35.

GUSTAVO
We expect nothing less.

Gacha extends his glass for a toast--

GACHA
Partners?

For a beat, no one moves.

PABLO
We know your policy toward partners.
Let's just call us... "friendly
associates."

The men laugh and toast.

GACHA
To Miami...

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Crime","Drama"]

Summary At a lavish party in Hacienda Napoles, Pablo Escobar and his associates, including Gacha and Jorge Ochoa, engage in a tense yet celebratory discussion about investing in the potato business. Gacha proposes creating smuggling routes, while Pablo offers to transport the product to Miami for a fee. Amidst banter and rivalry, they agree to work together as 'friendly associates,' despite underlying trust issues. The scene concludes with a toast, solidifying their cautious partnership against a backdrop of a vibrant party atmosphere.
Strengths
  • Sharp dialogue
  • Tension-filled negotiation
  • Revealing character dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Limited emotional depth
  • Lack of external action or visuals

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively sets up the dynamic between the characters, establishes the tone of the criminal underworld, and introduces key plot points related to drug trafficking.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of negotiating drug trafficking deals and exploring creative smuggling methods is engaging and adds depth to the criminal world depicted in the screenplay.

Plot: 8

The plot is advanced significantly through the negotiation scene, setting up future conflicts and alliances among the characters involved in the drug trade.

Originality: 8

The scene offers a fresh approach to the crime genre by focusing on the intricacies of a business deal within a criminal organization. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds depth and realism to the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-defined through their dialogue and actions, showcasing their personalities, motivations, and power dynamics within the criminal organization.

Character Changes: 7

The negotiation scene leads to subtle shifts in the characters' alliances, motivations, and power dynamics, setting the stage for future character development and conflicts.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to maintain control and assert his power in front of his associates. This reflects his deeper need for respect, fear, and dominance in the criminal world.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to secure a profitable business deal with his associates by offering his smuggling services. This reflects the immediate challenge of maintaining his criminal empire and expanding his influence.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

There is a high level of conflict in the scene, both overtly through the negotiation process and subtly through the power dynamics and shifting alliances among the characters.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting interests, hidden agendas, and shifting alliances among the characters. The audience is left uncertain of the outcome, adding to the suspense and drama.

High Stakes: 9

The negotiation scene involves high stakes in terms of the characters' profits, safety, and power within the criminal organization, adding tension and urgency to the interactions.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by introducing new smuggling methods, establishing key partnerships, and setting up future conflicts and plot developments.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the shifting alliances, hidden agendas, and subtle threats between the characters. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of the characters' true intentions.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is the tension between loyalty and self-interest. The protagonist must balance his loyalty to his associates with his own self-preservation and business interests, challenging his beliefs about trust and partnership.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

While the scene is more focused on business negotiations and criminal activities, there is a subtle emotional impact in the power plays and betrayals hinted at in the dialogue and interactions.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is sharp, businesslike, and reveals important information about the characters and their criminal activities, enhancing the tension and intrigue of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the high stakes, tense interactions, and complex character dynamics. The negotiations and power plays keep the audience invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension, suspense, and momentum. The dialogue and actions are well-paced, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the outcome.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with clear scene descriptions, character dialogue, and transitions. The formatting enhances the readability and flow of the scene.

Structure: 9

The scene follows the expected structure for a crime drama, with clear character motivations, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm contribute to its effectiveness in building tension and suspense.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the opulence and excess of Pablo Escobar's world, contrasting the lavish party atmosphere with the dark undertones of drug trafficking. However, the dialogue can feel a bit expository, as characters discuss the potato business in a way that may not feel entirely natural. It might benefit from more subtext or conflict to make the conversation feel more organic.
  • The character dynamics are established well, particularly the tension between Gacha and Pablo. However, the stakes of their conversation about the potato business could be heightened. As it stands, the dialogue feels somewhat casual and lacks the urgency that typically accompanies discussions of illegal activities. Adding a sense of risk or competition could enhance the tension.
  • Cockroach's presence in the corner drinking alone serves as a poignant visual contrast to the main group, but his character could be further developed. His isolation hints at deeper issues, and exploring his internal conflict or resentment could add emotional depth to the scene.
  • The scene transitions smoothly into the next, but the ending feels a bit abrupt. The toast could be expanded to include a more significant moment of camaraderie or foreboding, hinting at the consequences of their partnership. This would create a stronger emotional impact and set the stage for future conflicts.
Suggestions
  • Consider revising the dialogue to include more subtext and character-driven motivations. Instead of straightforward discussions about profits, characters could express their ambitions or fears more subtly, revealing their personalities and relationships.
  • Introduce a sense of urgency or competition in the conversation about the potato business. Perhaps Gacha could express concern about rival traffickers or law enforcement, raising the stakes and making the discussion feel more pressing.
  • Develop Cockroach's character further by incorporating a brief moment where he reflects on his situation or interacts with another character, highlighting his feelings of isolation and frustration. This could create a more poignant contrast with the main group's revelry.
  • Expand the toast at the end to include a line that hints at the darker consequences of their partnership. This could foreshadow future conflicts and add a layer of tension to the celebratory moment.



Scene 39 -  Shadows of the Port
EXT. PORT OF MIAMI - DAY

Colorful cargo crates line the port. Shipments of everything
from everywhere in the world.

MURPHY (V.O.)
When I started, a one-kilo grass
bust was cause for celebration.

INT. CARGO CONTAINER - DAY

Kevin holds up a crate of ORCHIDS with a false bottom. There
are KILOS packed beneath the flowers.

MURPHY (V.O.)
Before long, we were seizing sixty
kilos of coke a day.
Genres: ["Crime","Drama","Thriller"]

Summary At the Port of Miami, Murphy reflects on the drastic evolution of drug trafficking, contrasting past marijuana seizures with the current daily confiscation of sixty kilos of cocaine. Amidst colorful cargo crates, Kevin inspects a crate of orchids that cleverly conceals a hidden stash of drugs, highlighting the deceptive tactics used in the illegal trade. The scene underscores the ongoing challenges law enforcement faces in combating the escalating drug operations.
Strengths
  • Innovative smuggling concept
  • High-stakes tension
  • Sophisticated plot progression
Weaknesses
  • Limited emotional depth
  • Lack of character development

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively sets a tense and suspenseful tone while introducing a key aspect of the drug smuggling operation. The use of false bottoms in crates adds a layer of complexity and danger to the narrative.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of hiding cocaine beneath innocent shipments of orchids is innovative and adds a layer of complexity to the smuggling operation. It introduces a new element that raises the stakes for the characters.

Plot: 8

The plot is advanced by introducing the method of hiding cocaine in orchid shipments, setting up future conflicts and challenges for the characters. It adds depth to the narrative and increases tension.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh perspective on the criminal underworld, with unique details such as hidden kilos of cocaine in flower crates. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 7

While the focus is more on the smuggling operation than individual character development in this scene, the characters' involvement in the dangerous world of drug trafficking is highlighted.

Character Changes: 5

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the introduction of the smuggling method involving orchids hints at the evolving dynamics and challenges the characters will face in the future.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to reflect on the progression of their criminal activities, from small-time drug busts to large-scale cocaine seizures. This reflects their deeper desires for power, success, and perhaps a sense of accomplishment.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to successfully uncover the hidden kilos of cocaine in the cargo container. This goal reflects the immediate challenge they are facing in their criminal operation.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict in the scene arises from the risky nature of the drug smuggling operation and the potential consequences of being caught. The tension is heightened by the intricate methods used to conceal the illegal activity.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the challenge of uncovering the hidden kilos of cocaine adding suspense and uncertainty. The audience is kept guessing about the outcome of the protagonist's actions.

High Stakes: 9

The high stakes of the drug smuggling operation are emphasized in this scene, as the characters engage in sophisticated and risky tactics to evade law enforcement. The potential consequences of being caught add tension and danger to the narrative.

Story Forward: 8

The scene effectively moves the story forward by introducing a new element to the drug smuggling operation and setting up future conflicts and challenges for the characters. It adds depth to the narrative and increases tension.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the hidden kilos of cocaine in flower crates, adding a twist to the typical drug bust scenario. The audience is kept on edge as they wonder how the protagonist will navigate this unexpected challenge.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the protagonist's moral dilemma between their criminal activities and the consequences of their actions. This challenges their beliefs, values, and worldview as they navigate the dangerous world of drug trafficking.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

The scene evokes a sense of tension and danger, but the emotional impact is somewhat limited due to the focus on the logistics of the smuggling operation. The stakes are high, but the emotional depth is not fully explored.

Dialogue: 6

The dialogue serves the purpose of conveying information about the smuggling operation and setting the tone for the scene. It lacks emotional depth but effectively moves the plot forward.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its suspenseful setup, detailed descriptions, and the protagonist's internal conflicts. The audience is drawn into the dangerous world of drug trafficking and the high-stakes operation.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene builds tension effectively, with a gradual reveal of the hidden kilos of cocaine and the protagonist's internal reflections. The rhythm of the dialogue and action sequences enhances the scene's impact.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting. It adheres to industry standards for screenplay formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a crime thriller genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm contribute to its effectiveness in building tension.


Critique
  • The scene effectively uses Murphy's voiceover to provide context and historical perspective on the drug trade, which helps to ground the audience in the narrative. However, the transition from the vibrant visuals of the port to the more subdued interior of the cargo container could be more dynamic to maintain engagement.
  • The contrast between the colorful cargo crates and the hidden kilos of cocaine beneath the orchids is a strong visual metaphor for the deceptive nature of the drug trade. However, the scene could benefit from more sensory details to enhance the atmosphere, such as the sounds of the port, the smell of the ocean, or the hustle and bustle of workers.
  • Murphy's voiceover reflects a sense of nostalgia and irony, which is effective in conveying the gravity of the situation. However, the emotional weight could be amplified by incorporating more personal stakes or reflections on the consequences of these drug busts, perhaps by referencing specific incidents or individuals affected by the drug trade.
  • The pacing of the scene feels a bit rushed, especially with the quick transition from the port to the cargo container. Slowing down the moment to allow for a more gradual reveal of the hidden drugs could build tension and intrigue.
  • While the voiceover provides important exposition, it might be more impactful to show some of the action or reactions of the characters involved in the busts, rather than relying solely on narration. This could create a more immersive experience for the audience.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more sensory details to the scene to create a richer atmosphere, such as the sounds of the port, the smell of the ocean, or the activity of workers around the crates.
  • Enhance the emotional weight of Murphy's voiceover by including personal reflections or anecdotes about the impact of the drug trade on individuals or communities, making it more relatable and poignant.
  • Slow down the pacing of the scene to allow for a more gradual reveal of the hidden drugs, building tension and intrigue as the audience discovers the deception.
  • Incorporate visual elements that show the reactions of characters involved in the drug busts, rather than relying solely on voiceover, to create a more immersive experience.
  • Consider using a more dynamic transition between the port and the cargo container to maintain engagement and emphasize the contrast between the vibrant exterior and the hidden danger within.



Scene 40 -  Reflections on a Drug Bust
EXT. CARGO SHIP - DECK - DAY

SIXTY KILOS of cocaine are removed from the ship on a dolly,
along with the handcuffed Crew.

MURPHY (V.O.)
We thought we were making a huge
difference.

Murphy and the agents clear FRAME as we--

CUT TO:
NARCOS Ep. 101 "Descenso" 5/13/14 36.

A SCUBA DIVER

drops into the water beside a CARGO BOAT.
Genres: ["Crime","Drama","Thriller"]

Summary On the deck of a cargo ship, sixty kilos of cocaine are seized as handcuffed crew members look on silently. Murphy's voiceover reveals his disillusionment with the fight against drug trafficking, reflecting on the belief that their actions were making a significant impact. The scene conveys a somber tone, emphasizing the ongoing struggle against drugs, and ends with a scuba diver entering the water, hinting at the complexities of the operation.
Strengths
  • Tension-building
  • Suspenseful atmosphere
  • Clear visuals
Weaknesses
  • Limited character development
  • Dialogue could be more impactful

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively conveys the tension and risks involved in a covert operation, keeping the audience engaged and on edge.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of an undercover operation to seize a large quantity of cocaine adds depth to the storyline and highlights the complexities of the drug trade.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene is crucial in advancing the overall narrative, showing the ongoing battle between drug traffickers and law enforcement.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh take on the crime genre, focusing on the perspective of law enforcement in the fight against drug trafficking. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 7

While the focus is more on the operation itself than individual characters, the scene effectively portrays the roles of both the criminals and the agents involved.

Character Changes: 6

While there may not be significant character development in this particular scene, the dynamics between the criminals and the agents show subtle shifts.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is likely to grapple with the moral implications of their actions. They may be questioning their role in law enforcement and the impact of their work on society.

External Goal: 9

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to seize the cocaine and apprehend the crew members involved in drug trafficking. This reflects the immediate challenge of enforcing the law and stopping criminal activities.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between the drug traffickers and law enforcement agents creates a high level of tension and suspense throughout the scene.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist facing significant challenges in their pursuit of justice. The audience is kept on edge by the obstacles they encounter.

High Stakes: 9

The high stakes of the undercover operation, involving a large quantity of cocaine and the risk of exposure, heighten the tension and suspense.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by showcasing a pivotal moment in the ongoing battle between drug traffickers and law enforcement.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the uncertain outcome of the protagonist's actions and the potential consequences of their decisions.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the battle between good and evil, law and crime. The protagonist may be facing ethical dilemmas about the right course of action and the consequences of their choices.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes a sense of danger and urgency, eliciting emotional responses from the audience.

Dialogue: 6

The dialogue serves its purpose in moving the scene forward and conveying necessary information, but it is not the primary focus.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its high stakes, intense action, and moral dilemmas faced by the protagonist. The audience is drawn into the conflict and suspense.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, building tension and suspense as the action unfolds. The rhythm of the scene enhances its effectiveness.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with proper scene headings, action lines, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 9

The scene follows the expected structure for a crime drama, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm contribute to its effectiveness.


Critique
  • The scene effectively conveys the scale of drug trafficking by visually representing the seizure of sixty kilos of cocaine. However, the transition from the previous scene to this one feels abrupt. The cut from the colorful cargo crates to the stark reality of drug enforcement could benefit from a more gradual transition, perhaps by including a brief moment of reflection or a visual cue that connects the two scenes more fluidly.
  • Murphy's voiceover serves as a powerful narrative device, but it could be enhanced by providing more emotional depth. Instead of simply stating that they thought they were making a difference, consider adding a line that reflects the moral ambiguity of their actions or the personal toll it takes on Murphy and his team. This would create a stronger connection between the audience and the characters.
  • The visual of the handcuffed crew members is impactful, but it lacks context. Providing a brief glimpse into their expressions or reactions could heighten the tension and emphasize the human cost of the drug trade. This would also serve to remind the audience that behind the statistics are real people affected by these operations.
  • The scene's pacing is quick, which is appropriate for the urgency of the drug bust, but it may leave viewers wanting more detail. Consider incorporating a moment where agents discuss the implications of this seizure, perhaps hinting at the larger network they are up against. This would add layers to the narrative and build anticipation for future conflicts.
Suggestions
  • Add a transitional shot or moment that connects the previous scene's focus on the colorful cargo crates to the stark reality of the drug bust, enhancing the flow between scenes.
  • Incorporate a line in Murphy's voiceover that reflects on the moral complexities of their actions, adding emotional depth to the narrative.
  • Include a brief moment that captures the reactions of the handcuffed crew members, emphasizing the human element of the drug trade and the consequences of their actions.
  • Consider slowing down the pacing slightly to allow for a moment of reflection among the agents, discussing the implications of their seizure and hinting at the challenges they will face moving forward.



Scene 41 -  Underwater Dealings
EXT. PORT OF MIAMI - LATER

UNDERWATER

The Diver swims to the hull of the boat, where four metal
pipes are magnetically attached.

MURPHY (V.O.)
Truth is, we weren't even making a
dent...

CUT TO:

THE METAL PIPES - ON THE DOCK

Now unsealed at one end. A WORKER dumps a HUNDRED KILOS
from the pipe onto the ground.

CLOSE - ON CARLOS LEHDER, smiling...

MURPHY (V.O.)
They let us have sixty, so they could
bring in six hundred.

CUT TO:

A WHITE LAB RAT

scurrying at a frantic pace past CAMERA.

MURPHY (V.O.)
Pablo's coke flooded in.
Genres: ["Crime","Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In a tense scene at the Port of Miami, a diver observes a worker unsealing metal pipes to dump a hundred kilos of cocaine onto the dock. Carlos Lehder smiles, pleased with the operation, while Murphy's voiceover reveals the limited amount they can keep compared to the larger shipment of six hundred kilos. The scene highlights the overwhelming influx of Pablo's cocaine into the drug trade, ending with a symbolic image of a white lab rat, representing the chaos of the operation.
Strengths
  • Effective portrayal of escalating drug trade
  • High stakes and tension
  • Innovative use of visuals and symbolism
Weaknesses
  • Limited character development through dialogue
  • Lack of emotional depth in character interactions

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively conveys the escalating drug trafficking operations and the overwhelming impact of Pablo's cocaine flooding the market. The dark and intense tone keeps the audience engaged and sets up high stakes for the characters.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of portraying the overwhelming flood of cocaine into the market is compelling and well-executed. It highlights the escalating conflict and sets the stage for further developments in the story.

Plot: 8

The plot is advanced significantly in this scene, with the introduction of new smuggling methods and the establishment of high stakes for the characters. It sets up future conflicts and developments in the narrative.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on the crime genre by focusing on the internal struggles of the protagonist and the philosophical conflicts surrounding drug trafficking. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 7

While the focus is more on the operations and smuggling activities, the characters of Pablo Escobar and Carlos Lehder are developed through their actions and interactions. Their personalities and motivations are hinted at, adding depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 6

There are subtle hints at character development, particularly for Pablo Escobar and Carlos Lehder, as their motivations and personalities are revealed through their actions and interactions. However, the focus is more on the operations and smuggling activities.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is likely to uncover the truth behind the illegal activities happening at the port. This reflects their deeper need for justice and to expose corruption.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to gather evidence of the drug trafficking operation happening at the port. This reflects the immediate challenge they are facing in uncovering criminal activities.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict in the scene is high, with the tension between law enforcement and drug traffickers escalating as the drug trade expands. The stakes are raised with the introduction of new smuggling methods and the overwhelming influx of cocaine.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist facing obstacles in uncovering the truth and potentially risking their safety.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in the scene, with the overwhelming flood of cocaine into the market posing a significant challenge for law enforcement and drug traffickers alike. The escalating conflict and the introduction of new smuggling methods raise the stakes for the characters.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by introducing new smuggling methods, escalating the conflict between law enforcement and drug traffickers, and setting up high stakes for the characters. It lays the groundwork for future developments in the narrative.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists and turns in the criminal operation, keeping the audience on edge.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the morality of drug trafficking and corruption. The protagonist may be conflicted between upholding the law and potentially endangering themselves to expose the truth.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes a sense of foreboding and tension, setting a dark and intense tone. While the focus is more on the operations and logistics of drug smuggling, there is an underlying emotional impact in the portrayal of the overwhelming flood of cocaine.

Dialogue: 6

The dialogue serves its purpose in conveying information about the drug trafficking operations and the characters' motivations. It could be more impactful with more nuanced exchanges and character interactions.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its fast-paced action, moral dilemmas, and high stakes involved in uncovering criminal activities.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by maintaining tension and suspense throughout, leading to a climactic reveal at the end.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is well-executed, with clear transitions between different locations and characters.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a crime thriller genre, with a clear setup of the conflict and the protagonist's goals.


Critique
  • The underwater setting introduces a unique visual perspective that effectively contrasts with the previous scenes, emphasizing the hidden and covert nature of drug trafficking. However, the transition from the underwater scene to the dock feels abrupt. A smoother transition could enhance the flow of the narrative.
  • Murphy's voiceover provides a reflective tone, which is appropriate given the context of the drug trade's overwhelming scale. However, the line 'Truth is, we weren't even making a dent...' could be more impactful if it included a specific example or statistic to illustrate the futility of their efforts, making the audience feel the weight of the situation more acutely.
  • The visual of the diver and the subsequent reveal of the metal pipes is intriguing, but the scene could benefit from more sensory details. Describing the sounds of the water, the feeling of the diver's movements, or the atmosphere at the dock could immerse the audience further into the scene.
  • The introduction of Carlos Lehder's smile is a strong visual cue, but it lacks context. Expanding on his character's motivations or reactions in this moment could deepen the audience's understanding of his role in the drug trade and the implications of the operation.
  • The final image of the lab rat scurrying past the camera is a clever metaphor for addiction and the chaotic nature of the drug trade. However, it feels somewhat disconnected from the preceding visuals. A more explicit connection between the rat and the drug operation could enhance the thematic resonance of the scene.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment of tension or suspense as the diver approaches the hull, perhaps by incorporating sounds or visuals that suggest danger or secrecy.
  • Enhance the voiceover by including a specific statistic or anecdote that illustrates the scale of the drug trade, making Murphy's disillusionment more relatable and impactful.
  • Incorporate sensory details to enrich the underwater and dock scenes, such as the sound of water bubbles, the feel of the diver's gear, or the bustling activity at the dock.
  • Provide more context for Carlos Lehder's character in this scene. A line of dialogue or a brief flashback could help clarify his motivations and the significance of his smile.
  • Strengthen the connection between the lab rat and the drug operation by adding a line in the voiceover that explicitly ties the rat's frantic behavior to the chaos of the drug trade, reinforcing the metaphor.



Scene 42 -  The Cost of Violence
EXT. MIAMI STREET/ALLEY - NIGHT

CAMERA TRACKS the RAT as it races through the alley.

MURPHY (V.O.)
It didn't take long for Miami to get
addicted. And I mean that.

The RAT stops. Nose wriggling.

LOW ANGLE - A STREET CORNER DRUG DEAL

A handoff between dealer and client.
NARCOS Ep. 101 "Descenso" 5/13/14 37.

MURPHY (V.O.) (CONT'D)
It was like the whole city was running
around to get this shit. And with
the money, came the violence.

The RAT charges past--

A FOOT, as we TILT UP to reveal Murphy.

MURPHY (V.O.) (CONT'D)
The surfers had been replaced by
Colombians. And these guys didn't
wear flip-flops.

HIS P.O.V. - TWO COLOMBIANS

Armed with Mac-10s. Their guns spit fire--

MURPHY AND KEVIN

dive for cover. They peek from behind a dumpster. One
Colombian flees. Murphy sees the other Colombian running
behind a car from left to right.

MURPHY FIRES THROUGH THE CAR. No one comes out from the
other side.

MURPHY (V.O.) (CONT'D)
The Miami Coroner said Colombians
were like Dixie Cups. Use `em once,
then throw `em away.

MURPHY AND KEVIN

advance on the sprawled body behind the car. Kevin kneels
beside the dead shooter, turns back to Murphy.

KEVIN
Dude, he's just a kid.

The dead COLOMBIAN is about seventeen.

TIGHT - ON MURPHY

Stunned. And upset.

MURPHY (V.O.)
That was the first person I ever
shot. A teenager not old enough to
buy a six-pack.

CUT TO:
NARCOS Ep. 101 "Descenso" 5/13/14 38.

EXT. MIAMI STREET/ALLEY - LATER

PARAMEDICS load the Colombian teen's corpse onto a
refrigerated truck. Murphy stands nearby.

MURPHY (V.O.)
The Dade County morgue couldn't fit
all the bodies from the drug war.
They had to rent a refrigerated truck
from a local company to hold all the
extra corpses.

PULLING BACK to see the logo: "BURGER KING."

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Crime","Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In a dark Miami alley, a rat scurries through the shadows, symbolizing the city's drug addiction. Murphy reflects on the violent drug trade as he and his partner Kevin take cover from gunfire. In a pivotal moment, Murphy shoots a young Colombian teenager, leaving him emotionally shattered. The scene concludes with paramedics loading the teenager's body into a refrigerated truck, starkly illustrating the grim realities of the drug war.
Strengths
  • Intense atmosphere
  • Realistic portrayal of consequences
  • Strong emotional impact
Weaknesses
  • Graphic violence
  • Somber tone

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively conveys the brutal nature of the drug war and the moral dilemmas faced by the characters. It creates a sense of tension and unease, drawing the audience into the harsh reality of the situation.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring the drug war in Miami through the eyes of the characters is compelling and engaging. It provides a gritty and realistic portrayal of the consequences of the drug trade.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene is focused on the escalating violence and moral dilemmas faced by the characters, particularly Murphy. It moves the story forward by highlighting the impact of the drug war on the city and its inhabitants.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh approach to the drug war genre by focusing on the emotional impact of violence on young individuals. The dialogue and actions feel authentic and raw.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters in the scene, especially Murphy, are well-developed and undergo significant emotional turmoil. Their reactions to the violence and consequences of their actions add depth to the narrative.

Character Changes: 7

Murphy undergoes a significant change in the scene, as he experiences the emotional weight of his actions and the consequences of the drug war. His reaction to the death of the Colombian teen marks a turning point in his character arc.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to come to terms with the consequences of his actions and the realization that he has taken a life, especially that of a young teenager.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to survive the dangerous situation with the Colombians and navigate the drug war in Miami.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The level of conflict in the scene is high, with intense action sequences and moral dilemmas faced by the characters. The escalating violence and consequences of the drug war create a sense of urgency and tension.

Opposition: 8

The strong opposition from the Colombians and the moral dilemma of shooting a young teenager create a compelling conflict that drives the scene.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes in the scene are high, with the characters facing life-threatening situations and moral dilemmas. The consequences of their actions have far-reaching implications, adding to the tension and urgency of the narrative.

Story Forward: 8

The scene effectively moves the story forward by highlighting the escalating violence and consequences of the drug war in Miami. It sets up future conflicts and developments in the narrative.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable due to the sudden escalation of violence and the unexpected consequences of the protagonist's actions.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the morality of violence and the impact of the drug war on young lives. It challenges the protagonist's beliefs about the consequences of his actions.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene has a significant emotional impact, particularly through the portrayal of the consequences of the characters' actions. The death of the Colombian teen and Murphy's reaction evoke strong emotions from the audience.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the tension and emotions of the characters. It adds to the overall atmosphere of the scene and enhances the character dynamics.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense action, emotional depth, and moral dilemmas that keep the audience invested in the protagonist's journey.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, leading to a climactic moment of moral reckoning for the protagonist.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting adheres to the standard screenplay format for its genre, making it easy to visualize the action and dialogue.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a gritty crime drama, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution.


Critique
  • The scene effectively uses the rat as a metaphor for Miami's addiction to drugs, creating a strong visual and thematic connection. However, the transition from the rat to the drug deal could be smoother to maintain the flow of the narrative.
  • Murphy's voiceover is impactful, but some lines, such as the comparison of Colombians to 'Dixie Cups,' may come off as insensitive or overly simplistic. This could detract from the gravity of the situation and the complexity of the characters involved.
  • The emotional weight of Murphy's first kill is palpable, but the scene could benefit from a deeper exploration of his internal conflict. While we see his shock, adding a moment of hesitation or reflection before he fires could enhance the emotional stakes.
  • The dialogue is minimal, which works well in this tense scene, but it might be beneficial to include a brief exchange between Murphy and Kevin that highlights their camaraderie or differing views on the violence they are witnessing. This could add depth to their characters.
  • The visual elements are strong, particularly the contrast between the vibrant Miami setting and the grim reality of the drug war. However, the scene could use more sensory details to immerse the audience further, such as sounds of the city or the chaos of the gunfire.
Suggestions
  • Consider refining the transition from the rat to the drug deal to create a more seamless narrative flow. Perhaps show the rat darting towards the sound of the deal to establish a clearer connection.
  • Reevaluate the use of metaphors and comparisons in Murphy's voiceover to ensure they convey the seriousness of the situation without trivializing the lives lost. Aim for language that reflects the complexity of the characters involved.
  • Add a moment of hesitation or internal conflict for Murphy before he fires his weapon. This could be a brief flashback or a thought that highlights his moral struggle, making the moment more impactful.
  • Incorporate a short dialogue exchange between Murphy and Kevin that reveals their perspectives on the violence they are encountering. This could help to develop their characters and their relationship further.
  • Enhance the sensory details in the scene by including sounds, smells, or visual cues that reflect the chaos and urgency of the moment. This could help to create a more immersive experience for the audience.



Scene 43 -  Aftermath of Chaos
INT. MURPHY'S APARTMENT - MIAMI - NIGHT

Murphy swings open the door. He's exhausted, crestfallen,
and strangely guilty. Connie rises from the couch.

CONNIE
It was self-defense.

MURPHY
How'd you know?

CONNIE
Kevin called. He's worried about
you.

MURPHY
The kid was seventeen.

CONNIE
He sells drugs, right?

MURPHY
Yeah.

CONNIE
Then fuck him.

MURPHY
What?

CONNIE
Do you know what's going on here?
This city's upside down.
NARCOS Ep. 101 "Descenso" 5/13/14 39.

Murphy looks at her in surprise. It's only now he realizes
her mascara's streaked.

CUT TO:

A GURNEY

Rolls past with an unconscious PREGNANT WOMAN. She's one of
the Colombian girls we saw with Lion.

CONNIE (O.S.)
I was about to finish my shift when
we got hit with lights and sirens.
Genres: ["Crime","Drama","Thriller"]

Summary Murphy returns to his apartment, visibly shaken and guilty after a violent incident, seeking comfort from Connie. She reassures him that it was self-defense while expressing her frustration with the city's turmoil. The scene briefly shifts to a gurney carrying an unconscious pregnant woman, underscoring the violence surrounding them. The emotional tone is tense and somber, reflecting Murphy's internal struggle and Connie's harsh views on their circumstances.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
  • Tension
  • Authentic dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Limited plot progression
  • Focused more on character dynamics

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively conveys the inner turmoil and conflict experienced by Murphy, creating a tense and emotionally charged atmosphere. The dialogue and interactions between characters add depth to the narrative, making it engaging and thought-provoking.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring the moral ambiguity and emotional turmoil of the characters in a crime-ridden setting is compelling and well-executed. It adds depth to the narrative and engages the audience on an emotional level.

Plot: 7

While the scene focuses more on character dynamics and emotional conflict than plot progression, it serves as a pivotal moment in Murphy's character arc and sets the stage for future developments.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh approach to the theme of moral ambiguity and the consequences of violence. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and contribute to the authenticity of the world.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters in the scene, particularly Murphy and Connie, are well-developed and showcase complex emotions and motivations. Their interactions drive the emotional core of the scene and add depth to the narrative.

Character Changes: 8

Murphy undergoes a significant internal change in the scene, grappling with guilt and moral dilemmas. His emotional journey sets the stage for future character development and adds complexity to his arc.

Internal Goal: 8

Murphy's internal goal in this scene is to come to terms with his actions and the moral implications of what he has done. He is grappling with guilt and conflict over the situation.

External Goal: 7

Murphy's external goal in this scene is to deal with the aftermath of a violent encounter and navigate the complex moral landscape of the city.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The scene is filled with internal and external conflicts, particularly within Murphy as he grapples with the aftermath of a violent encounter. The tension and emotional stakes are high, driving the narrative forward.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting viewpoints and moral dilemmas that challenge the characters' beliefs and values.

High Stakes: 8

The high stakes in the scene revolve around moral dilemmas, emotional turmoil, and the consequences of violent actions. The characters are faced with difficult choices that have far-reaching implications.

Story Forward: 7

While the scene focuses more on character dynamics and emotional depth than plot progression, it sets the stage for future developments and adds layers to the overall narrative.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected moral twists and turns in the characters' interactions.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between the idea of self-defense and the moral ambiguity of the situation. Connie's perspective challenges Murphy's beliefs and values.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a significant emotional impact on the audience, eliciting feelings of guilt, desperation, and empathy for the characters. The raw and authentic portrayal of emotions adds depth and resonance to the narrative.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the inner thoughts and conflicts of the characters, adding layers to their personalities and driving the emotional impact of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the intense emotional conflict between the characters and the moral dilemmas they face.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged in the characters' emotional journey.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, effectively conveying the mood and atmosphere of the setting.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene effectively builds tension and reveals the characters' internal conflicts through dialogue and action.


Critique
  • The scene effectively conveys Murphy's emotional turmoil following a violent incident, showcasing his exhaustion and guilt. However, the dialogue could benefit from more depth to fully explore the complexity of Murphy's feelings about the situation. Connie's lines are direct but could be expanded to reflect her own emotional state and perspective on the violence in the city.
  • The transition from Murphy's conversation with Connie to the gurney carrying the unconscious pregnant woman is visually striking, but it feels abrupt. A smoother transition could enhance the emotional impact, perhaps by having Murphy's gaze follow the gurney, allowing the audience to feel the weight of the situation more profoundly.
  • Connie's reaction to Murphy's guilt is somewhat dismissive, which may come off as unsympathetic. While this aligns with her character's tough exterior, it could be more nuanced. Adding a moment where she acknowledges the tragedy of the situation, even while justifying Murphy's actions, would create a more balanced dynamic between the characters.
  • The scene's pacing is effective in conveying urgency, but the emotional stakes could be heightened by incorporating more internal conflict for Murphy. A brief voiceover or inner monologue reflecting on the implications of his actions could deepen the audience's understanding of his character's moral struggle.
  • The visual of the gurney with the pregnant woman serves as a powerful metaphor for the consequences of the drug trade, but it could be more explicitly tied to Murphy's emotional state. Perhaps a line of dialogue or a thought from Murphy could connect the two, emphasizing the broader impact of violence on innocent lives.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment of silence or a pause in the dialogue after Connie's line about the city being upside down. This could allow the weight of her words to sink in for both Murphy and the audience.
  • Enhance Connie's character by giving her a line that reflects her own struggles with the chaos in the city, making her more relatable and providing a deeper connection to Murphy's guilt.
  • Incorporate a brief flashback or memory for Murphy that highlights his past experiences with violence, contrasting them with the current situation. This could provide context for his guilt and emotional state.
  • Explore the use of sound design in this scene. The background noise of the city or the sounds of the emergency room could amplify the chaos and urgency, enhancing the emotional atmosphere.
  • Consider ending the scene with a more definitive emotional beat, such as Murphy's reaction to the gurney or a lingering shot on Connie's mascara-streaked face, to leave a lasting impression on the audience.



Scene 44 -  Desperate Measures
INT. MIAMI GENERAL - EMERGENCY ROOM - DAY

Connie quickly evaluates the unconscious GIRL.

CONNIE (O.S.)
Paramedics said she collapsed after
she got off her flight. By the time
she got to us, she was barely
breathing.

Everything in this sequence is frantic--

CONNIE (CONT'D)
Tachycardia! We need an EKG, stat!

Connie coils a blood pressure cuff on her arm at lightning
speed. NURSE #2 clips on a pulse oximeter.

CONNIE (O.S.) (CONT'D)
Dilated pupils, rapid pulse. I knew
she'd overdosed on cocaine.

Connie and NURSE #2 put the GIRL on her left side.

CONNIE (CONT'D)
180cc of benzodiazepine! She's going
into arrest!

CONNIE (O.S.) (CONT'D)
But she had no residue on her
nostrils, no injection marks.

The girl's convulsing. Connie grabs the defibrillators and
administers three high-voltage shocks.

CONNIE (O.S.) (CONT'D)
We did everything we could. She
died in the ER.
NARCOS Ep. 101 "Descenso" 5/13/14 40.

CONNIE (CONT'D)
(checking clock)
TOD, eleven hundred and twenty-two
minutes.

Connie puts a stethoscope to the girl's abdomen.

CONNIE (CONT'D)
The baby's still alive. I need a
surgeon for an emergency C-section!
Get a prenatal unit down here now!
Genres: ["Drama","Medical"]

Summary In the chaotic emergency room of Miami General, Connie battles to save an unconscious girl suspected of a cocaine overdose. Despite her efforts, the girl dies, but Connie discovers that the baby is still alive. With urgency, she calls for a surgeon to perform an emergency C-section, shifting her focus to saving the unborn child.
Strengths
  • Intense atmosphere
  • Emotional depth
  • Realistic medical portrayal
Weaknesses
  • Tragic outcome
  • Limited dialogue

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is intense, emotional, and well-executed, effectively conveying the urgency and tragedy of the situation in the ER.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a high-stakes medical emergency involving a pregnant woman overdosing on cocaine is compelling and adds depth to the overall narrative.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene revolves around the medical team's efforts to save the pregnant woman and her unborn child, adding a layer of tension and emotion to the story.

Originality: 8

The scene presents a unique medical emergency situation with high stakes. The dialogue and actions feel authentic and add to the intensity of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters, especially Connie, are well-developed and portrayed with depth and emotion, enhancing the impact of the scene.

Character Changes: 8

Connie experiences the emotional weight of losing a patient despite her best efforts, leading to a change in her perspective on the challenges of her job.

Internal Goal: 9

Connie's internal goal is to save the unconscious girl and her unborn baby. This reflects her desire to help others and her fear of losing a patient.

External Goal: 8

Connie's external goal is to perform an emergency C-section to save the baby. This reflects the immediate challenge of a complicated medical situation.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is high, as the medical team faces a race against time to save the pregnant woman and her baby.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the challenge of saving both the mother and the baby in a critical situation.

High Stakes: 10

The high stakes of the scene, involving the life of a pregnant woman and her unborn child, add tension and urgency to the narrative.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by highlighting the consequences of drug trafficking and the impact it has on individuals' lives.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected turn of events and the uncertain outcome for the patient.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict is the ethical dilemma of saving the baby at the risk of the mother's life. This challenges Connie's beliefs about the value of life and medical ethics.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 10

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking feelings of urgency, sorrow, and shock in the audience.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue in the scene is focused on medical procedures and urgent commands, effectively conveying the intensity of the situation.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the high stakes, fast-paced action, and emotional intensity.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by maintaining a sense of urgency and tension throughout.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting follows the expected format for a medical drama genre, with clear scene descriptions and character actions.

Structure: 9

The scene follows the expected structure for a medical drama genre, with clear action and dialogue sequences.


Critique
  • The scene effectively conveys a sense of urgency and chaos in the emergency room, which is crucial for depicting the high-stakes nature of drug overdoses. However, the frantic pace may benefit from a moment of stillness or a brief pause to allow the audience to absorb the gravity of the situation before diving back into the action.
  • Connie's character is portrayed as competent and quick-thinking, which is essential for a medical professional in a crisis. However, the scene could further develop her emotional state. Adding internal thoughts or brief flashbacks could enhance the audience's connection to her character and the weight of the situation she faces.
  • The use of voiceover for Connie is effective in conveying her thoughts, but it might be more impactful to show her reactions visually. For instance, instead of relying solely on voiceover to explain the absence of drug residue, a quick visual scan of the girl's body could illustrate Connie's confusion and heighten the tension.
  • The dialogue is functional but could be more dynamic. Medical jargon is appropriate, but incorporating more emotional language or personal stakes could deepen the impact. For example, Connie could express a personal connection to the case or reflect on the broader implications of drug abuse, making the scene resonate more with the audience.
  • The transition from the girl's death to the discovery of the baby's survival is dramatic, but it could be enhanced by building suspense. A moment of silence or a close-up shot of Connie's face as she processes the girl's death before discovering the baby could amplify the emotional weight of the scene.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment of silence or a visual pause to allow the audience to absorb the gravity of the situation before the frantic action resumes.
  • Explore Connie's emotional state further by incorporating internal thoughts or flashbacks that connect her to the case, enhancing audience empathy.
  • Show Connie's reactions visually instead of relying solely on voiceover to explain the absence of drug residue, which could heighten tension and confusion.
  • Infuse the dialogue with more emotional language or personal stakes to deepen the impact of the scene and make it resonate more with the audience.
  • Build suspense during the transition from the girl's death to the discovery of the baby's survival by including a moment of silence or a close-up shot of Connie's face as she processes the situation.



Scene 45 -  Tragic Consequences
INT. MURPHY'S APARTMENT - MIAMI - NIGHT

Murphy stares at Connie, shocked.

MURPHY
What happened?

CONNIE
The baby died in my hands.

MURPHY
I'm sorry.

CLOSE - ON THE X-RAY

It's the pregnant woman, post-mortem. We SEE her ribs, spine,
and fifty-five condoms of coke on the X-ray.

CONNIE (O.S.)
She was body-packing eleven ounces
of cocaine. Two of the pellets split
open.

INT. MIAMI GENERAL - HALLWAY - DAY

Connie, splattered with blood, stands numbly in front of a
light board, looking at the X-ray.

CONNIE (O.S.)
Twelve grams in her bloodstream.

INT. MURPHY'S APARTMENT - MIAMI - NIGHT

WIDER, ON CONNIE and MURPHY

CONNIE
No one survives that.

CUT TO:
NARCOS Ep. 101 "Descenso" 5/13/14 41.
Genres: ["Crime","Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In a somber night scene at Murphy's Miami apartment, Connie reveals to Murphy the heartbreaking news of a pregnant woman's death during childbirth, compounded by the tragic fact that the woman was smuggling cocaine. The emotional weight of the situation is highlighted by the stark contrast of an X-ray showing the drugs inside her body. Connie's distress and Murphy's shock underscore the grim realities of drug trafficking, culminating in a heavy sense of despair as Connie concludes that no one survives such a situation.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Raw portrayal of consequences
  • Strong character development
Weaknesses
  • Potential for being too intense for some viewers

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is highly impactful, effectively conveying the harsh realities of drug trafficking and the emotional toll it takes on those involved. The intense tone and shocking revelations make it a standout moment in the screenplay.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring the tragic consequences of drug trafficking through the death of a pregnant woman is compelling and thought-provoking. It adds a layer of complexity to the narrative and sheds light on the human cost of criminal activities.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene is focused on revealing the aftermath of the woman's death and the discovery of the cocaine-filled condoms. It moves the story forward by highlighting the dangerous and deadly consequences of the drug trade.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh approach to the crime genre by focusing on the consequences of drug trafficking and the moral dilemmas faced by the characters. The authenticity of the dialogue and actions adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters in the scene, particularly Connie and Murphy, are well-developed and emotionally engaging. Their reactions to the tragic events add depth to their personalities and drive the emotional impact of the scene.

Character Changes: 8

Both Connie and Murphy undergo significant emotional changes in the scene, grappling with the shock and guilt of the woman's death. Their characters are deeply affected by the tragic events, leading to internal growth and reflection.

Internal Goal: 8

Murphy's internal goal in this scene is to understand the gravity of the situation and come to terms with the harsh realities of the criminal world he is involved in. This reflects his deeper need for redemption and a desire to make things right.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to navigate the dangerous world of drug trafficking and survive the consequences of his actions. This reflects the immediate challenges he faces in dealing with criminal activities.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict in the scene is internal, as Connie and Murphy grapple with the emotional aftermath of the woman's death. The tension arises from their shock and guilt, adding depth to the narrative.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the characters facing life-threatening situations and moral dilemmas that create uncertainty and tension for the audience.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in the scene, as the tragic death of the pregnant woman and the discovery of the cocaine-filled condoms highlight the dangerous and deadly consequences of involvement in the drug trade.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by revealing the devastating consequences of drug trafficking and setting the stage for further exploration of the dark side of the drug trade. It adds depth to the narrative and drives the plot forward.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twist of the woman's involvement in drug smuggling and the shocking revelation of her death.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the clash between morality and survival in a criminal environment. The characters must grapple with the ethical implications of their actions while also trying to stay alive in a dangerous world.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 10

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking feelings of sadness, shock, and guilt in the audience. The tragic events and the raw portrayal of the consequences of drug trafficking resonate deeply with viewers.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue in the scene is impactful, conveying the shock and sadness of the characters in response to the tragic events. It effectively communicates the emotional weight of the situation.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense dialogue, dramatic revelations, and high stakes that keep the audience invested in the characters' fates.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and suspense, with a balance of dialogue and visual cues that keep the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene adheres to the standard conventions of screenplay format, making it easy to follow and visualize for the reader.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for a crime drama, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution that advances the narrative.


Critique
  • The scene effectively conveys the emotional weight of the situation through Murphy's shock and Connie's distress. However, the dialogue feels somewhat abrupt and could benefit from more emotional depth. Expanding on Murphy's reaction could enhance the impact of the moment.
  • The use of the X-ray as a visual element is powerful, but it might be more effective if the scene included a brief moment of silence or reflection before revealing the X-ray. This could heighten the tension and allow the audience to absorb the gravity of the situation before the shocking details are unveiled.
  • Connie's character is portrayed as competent and urgent, but her emotional state could be explored further. Adding a line or two that reflects her internal struggle or guilt about the situation could create a more nuanced portrayal of her character.
  • The transition between the different settings (Murphy's apartment and the hospital hallway) is somewhat jarring. A smoother transition or a brief moment that connects the two locations could help maintain the emotional flow of the scene.
  • The scene's pacing is quick, which works for the urgency of the situation, but it may leave the audience feeling rushed. Allowing for a moment of stillness or a pause in dialogue could give the audience time to process the emotional weight of the events.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a line where Murphy expresses his disbelief or anger at the situation, which could deepen his character and show the audience his emotional turmoil.
  • Incorporate a moment of silence or a visual pause before revealing the X-ray to allow the audience to prepare for the shocking information.
  • Explore Connie's emotional state further by including a line that reveals her feelings of guilt or helplessness, which would add complexity to her character.
  • Create a more seamless transition between the apartment and the hospital hallway by using a visual cue or a line of dialogue that connects the two settings, enhancing the narrative flow.
  • Allow for a brief pause in the dialogue after Connie reveals the details about the cocaine, giving the audience a moment to absorb the gravity of the situation before moving on.



Scene 46 -  Tensions at Hacienda Napoles
EXT. HACIENDA NAPOLES - ANTIOQUIA - NIGHT

A HIPPOPOTAMUS wanders through FRAME. One of the many animals
who roam the luxurious grounds of Napoles. Gustavo stands
out in the yard with Cockroach. He indicates Cockroach's
gold-plated Mercedes.

GUSTAVO
You're ten times richer than you
ever thought you could be.

COCKROACH
I just want my fair cut. If it wasn't
for me, you two would still be
smuggling cigarettes.

Gustavo goes stone-cold serious.

GUSTAVO
Let me give you a piece of advice.
Don't talk like this to Pablo. He's
not as forgiving as I am.

CUT TO:

OVERHEAD SHOT

Thirty TRUCKS behind the jeep, passing through FRAME (same
as earlier shot in the script).

MURPHY (V.O.)
Cockroach should have listened to
Gustavo. Instead, he found another
way to get his fair share.

OVER THE SHOULDER: A COP

A police checkpoint. The LEAD TRUCK pulls to a stop. The
DRIVER rolls down his window to find Colonel Herrera and a
group of other DAS Agents, seen earlier.

HERRERA
What's in those spare tires?

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Crime","Drama"]

Summary At night in the luxurious Hacienda Napoles, a wandering hippopotamus sets an exotic backdrop as Gustavo warns Cockroach about the dangers of speaking to Pablo regarding their operations. Cockroach expresses frustration over his share of the profits, leading to a tense exchange with Gustavo, who is protective of their dealings. The scene shifts to a police checkpoint where Colonel Herrera questions a truck driver, hinting at looming conflicts with law enforcement and unresolved tensions between the characters.
Strengths
  • Tense dialogue
  • Strong character dynamics
  • Effective setting
Weaknesses
  • Limited action
  • Heavy exposition

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively sets up tension and conflict between characters, advancing the plot and revealing important character dynamics.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of showcasing a pivotal conversation at a luxurious estate adds depth to the narrative and sets the stage for future conflicts.

Plot: 8

The plot is advanced significantly through the conversation between Gustavo and Cockroach, revealing key information about the characters and their motivations.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces unique characters and settings within the familiar genre of crime drama, with authentic dialogue and actions that add depth to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters of Gustavo and Cockroach are well-developed in this scene, with their conflicting personalities and motivations driving the tension and conflict.

Character Changes: 7

Both Gustavo and Cockroach undergo subtle changes in their dynamic during the scene, setting the stage for potential character development in future episodes.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to maintain control and assert dominance over his associates, reflecting his need for power and respect in the criminal world.

External Goal: 7.5

The protagonist's external goal is to warn his associate about the consequences of disrespecting their boss, reflecting the immediate challenge of maintaining order and loyalty within the criminal organization.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict between Gustavo and Cockroach is palpable, setting the stage for potential confrontations and power struggles in future scenes.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist warning his associate of potential consequences and the looming presence of law enforcement adding to the stakes.

High Stakes: 8

The high stakes of the drug trafficking operation and the power struggles between characters add tension and urgency to the scene.

Story Forward: 8

The scene significantly moves the story forward by revealing key information about the characters and their relationships, setting up future conflicts and plot developments.

Unpredictability: 7.5

This scene is unpredictable because of the shifting power dynamics and potential consequences for the characters' actions, keeping the audience on edge.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict is between loyalty and self-interest, as the protagonist advises his associate to prioritize loyalty to their boss over personal gain.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes tension and unease, drawing the audience into the characters' conflicting emotions and motivations.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is sharp and impactful, effectively conveying the power dynamics and conflicts between the characters.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its suspenseful dialogue, visual imagery, and escalating conflict that keeps the audience invested in the characters' fates.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension gradually and maintaining a sense of urgency in the unfolding events.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with proper scene headings and descriptions that facilitate visualization.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a crime drama, with clear transitions and visual cues that enhance the pacing and tension.


Critique
  • The scene effectively uses the imagery of the hippopotamus to symbolize the excess and absurdity of wealth in the drug trade, which is a strong visual metaphor. However, the connection between the hippo and the characters' dialogue could be made clearer to enhance thematic resonance.
  • Gustavo's warning to Cockroach about Pablo's unforgiving nature is a crucial moment that establishes tension and foreshadows potential conflict. However, the dialogue could be more impactful if it included a specific example of Pablo's ruthlessness, which would heighten the stakes for Cockroach.
  • The transition from the dialogue between Gustavo and Cockroach to the overhead shot of the trucks is visually striking, but the voiceover feels somewhat detached from the action. It would be more engaging if the voiceover directly reflected Cockroach's thoughts or fears, creating a stronger emotional connection.
  • The introduction of Colonel Herrera and the police checkpoint adds a layer of suspense, but the scene could benefit from more tension-building elements, such as the reactions of the truck driver or the atmosphere at the checkpoint. This would create a more immersive experience for the audience.
  • The pacing of the scene is relatively quick, which can work well for maintaining tension, but it may also leave viewers wanting more depth in character development. Expanding on Cockroach's motivations or fears could enhance audience investment in his fate.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a line of dialogue from Gustavo that references a specific incident where Pablo was unforgiving, which would serve to heighten the tension and stakes for Cockroach.
  • Enhance the connection between the hippo and the dialogue by incorporating a line that reflects on the absurdity of wealth in the drug trade, perhaps through Cockroach's perspective.
  • Revise the voiceover to include Cockroach's internal thoughts or fears about his situation, making it more personal and relatable to the audience.
  • Introduce more sensory details at the police checkpoint, such as the sounds of the trucks or the expressions of the officers, to build tension and create a more vivid scene.
  • Consider slowing down the pacing slightly to allow for more character development, particularly for Cockroach, so that the audience can better understand his motivations and the risks he is taking.



Scene 47 -  Confrontation at the Police Headquarters
INT. HACIENDA NAPOLES - ANTIOQUIA - DAY

GUSTAVO hangs up the phone and approaches PABLO, who watches
a soccer game on television.
NARCOS Ep. 101 "Descenso" 5/13/14 42.

GUSTAVO
390 kilos. We lost it.

PABLO
What do you mean we lost it?

GUSTAVO
What I said. We lost it.

PABLO
It just disappeared? Into thin air?

GUSTAVO
Don't bust my balls. Cops must've
followed them from Ipsalia.

PABLO
We've paid every cop from here to
Ipsalia. How'd we lose a load?

GUSTAVO
Somewhere in Colombia there exists
an honest cop.

PABLO
How much is he asking for?

GUSTAVO
Too much.

PABLO
I'm going down there.

Gustavo knows Pablo too well.

GUSTAVO
Why risk it? It's only 390 keys.

CUT TO:

INT. POLICE HEADQUARTERS - MEDELLÍN - DAY

Pablo strolls in to find Colonel Herrera and Nacho Ibarra.

PABLO
What's going on?

HERRERA
We need to renegotiate.

PABLO
Fuck you.
NARCOS Ep. 101 "Descenso" 5/13/14 43.
Genres: ["Crime","Drama","Thriller"]

Summary Gustavo informs Pablo about the loss of 390 kilos of cocaine, likely due to police involvement, leading to Pablo's disbelief and anger. Despite Gustavo's warnings, Pablo decides to confront the situation directly by heading to the police headquarters to negotiate with Colonel Herrera and Nacho Ibarra, setting the stage for a tense confrontation.
Strengths
  • Strong character dynamics
  • Tense atmosphere
  • Compelling dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Limited character development in this specific scene

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively conveys the escalating tension and high stakes of the drug trade, with strong character dynamics and a sense of impending conflict. The dialogue is sharp and impactful, driving the plot forward and setting up future confrontations.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the scene, focusing on the loss of a drug shipment and the ensuing power struggle, is engaging and well-executed. It sets up future conflicts and developments in the story, making it a crucial moment in the narrative.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene is compelling, with the loss of the drug shipment driving the conflict between Pablo and Gustavo. It moves the story forward by introducing new obstacles and challenges for the characters to overcome.

Originality: 8

The scene presents a fresh take on the crime genre by exploring the moral dilemmas and power struggles within the criminal world. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and add depth to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed, with Pablo and Gustavo's dynamic taking center stage. Their conflicting personalities and motivations create tension and drive the scene forward, setting up future character arcs and conflicts.

Character Changes: 7

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, it sets the stage for future developments and reveals more about the personalities and motivations of Pablo and Gustavo. The loss of the cargo may lead to shifts in their relationship and actions.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to maintain control and power in the drug trafficking business. This reflects his deeper need for dominance and success in a dangerous world.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to recover the lost drug shipment and deal with the honest cop who intercepted it. This reflects the immediate challenge he faces in maintaining his criminal empire.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is intense and multi-layered, with tensions running high between Pablo, Gustavo, and law enforcement. The loss of the drug shipment creates a sense of urgency and danger, driving the characters to make difficult decisions.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the honest cop posing a significant challenge to the protagonist's criminal activities. The audience is left uncertain of how the protagonist will overcome this obstacle.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in the scene, as the characters face the consequences of losing a valuable drug shipment. The risks of the drug trade are highlighted, adding tension and urgency to the situation.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward significantly, introducing new conflicts and obstacles for the characters to overcome. It sets up future plot developments and character arcs, driving the narrative towards a climactic resolution.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected actions of the characters and the moral ambiguity of their decisions. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of how the situation will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict is between corruption and honesty, as represented by the honest cop who disrupts the protagonist's criminal activities. This challenges the protagonist's values and worldview as a criminal.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene has a strong emotional impact, as the characters grapple with the consequences of the lost cargo and the risks they face in their criminal activities. The tension and stakes are high, evoking a sense of unease and anticipation.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is sharp and impactful, revealing the power dynamics between the characters and driving the conflict forward. It effectively conveys the emotions and intentions of the characters, adding depth to the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its high stakes, tense interactions, and moral dilemmas. The audience is drawn into the characters' conflicts and motivations, creating a sense of suspense and intrigue.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and suspense, with a balance of dialogue and action that keeps the audience engaged. The rhythm of the scene enhances its impact and effectiveness.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with clear scene headings, dialogue, and action descriptions. The formatting enhances the readability and flow of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a crime drama, with clear character motivations, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the tension and suspense of the scene.


Critique
  • The scene effectively conveys the tension and frustration between Gustavo and Pablo regarding the lost cocaine. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtext to enhance the emotional stakes. Currently, the exchanges feel somewhat flat and could be elevated by incorporating more nuanced reactions or implications about their relationship and the consequences of their actions.
  • Pablo's incredulity about losing the cocaine is a strong emotional anchor, but the scene could explore his character further. Adding a moment of reflection or a flashback could illustrate the risks they take and the stakes involved in their operations, deepening the audience's understanding of Pablo's motivations.
  • The transition from the conversation about the lost cocaine to Pablo's confrontation with Colonel Herrera feels abrupt. A more gradual build-up or a moment of hesitation from Pablo could heighten the tension and make his decision to confront law enforcement feel more impactful.
  • The setting of Hacienda Napoles is visually rich, but the scene could benefit from more descriptive elements that emphasize the opulence and underlying danger of their lifestyle. This could create a stronger contrast between their luxurious surroundings and the violent world they inhabit.
  • The dialogue, while functional, lacks a distinct voice for each character. Gustavo and Pablo could have more unique speech patterns or catchphrases that reflect their personalities and backgrounds, making their interactions more memorable.
Suggestions
  • Incorporate subtext into the dialogue to reveal deeper emotions and tensions between Gustavo and Pablo. Consider adding lines that hint at their past experiences or fears regarding law enforcement.
  • Include a brief moment of introspection for Pablo after learning about the lost cocaine. This could be a visual cue or a voiceover that reflects on the risks of their operations and the potential fallout.
  • Create a smoother transition to the police headquarters scene by adding a moment of hesitation or contemplation from Pablo, emphasizing the gravity of his decision to confront law enforcement.
  • Enhance the visual description of Hacienda Napoles to reflect the contrast between luxury and danger. Consider adding details about the surroundings that symbolize their wealth and the violent world they are part of.
  • Develop distinct voices for Gustavo and Pablo in their dialogue. This could involve using specific phrases or speech patterns that reflect their personalities, making their interactions more engaging and authentic.



Scene 48 -  The Infamous Mugshot
INT. POLICE HEADQUARTERS - LINE-UP ROOM - MEDELLÍN - DAY

Now handcuffed, Pablo stands with an ID placard with the day
and date of his arrest.

TWO SHOT - HERRERA AND IBARRA

Through the one-way glass, they watch a photographer preparing
to take the mugshot of Pablo.

IBARRA
Are you sure about this? He hasn't
said a word since you arrested him.

HERRERA
We're DAS. What's he gonna do about
it?

CUT TO:

OVER THE SHOULDER: THE POLICE PHOTOGRAPHER

Pablo smiles for the camera. CLICK.

MATCH CUT TO:

PABLO'S MUGSHOT (ARCHIVAL FOOTAGE)

The famous one. Inmate Number: 128482

MURPHY (V.O.)
Pablo didn't know it then, but this
mugshot was gonna cause him a lotta
grief down the line.

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Crime","Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In a tense police headquarters line-up room in Medellín, Pablo stands handcuffed and silent as he prepares for his mugshot, unaware of its future implications. Observed by agents Herrera and Ibarra, Herrera confidently dismisses Ibarra's concerns about Pablo's silence. As the photographer captures the moment, Murphy's voiceover foreshadows the troubles that this infamous image will bring to Pablo's life.
Strengths
  • Tension-building
  • Character development
  • Plot advancement
Weaknesses
  • Limited dialogue
  • Potential lack of emotional depth in some areas

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene is well-crafted, effectively building suspense and anticipation for the audience. It marks a crucial turning point in the story and leaves a lasting impact.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of capturing Pablo Escobar's mugshot as a symbol of his downfall is powerful and sets the stage for future developments in the narrative.

Plot: 8

The plot advances significantly with Pablo's arrest and the subsequent events that unfold. It adds depth to the character and propels the story forward.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh perspective on the crime genre, focusing on the psychological aspects of power and control. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds depth to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters, especially Pablo Escobar, are well-developed in this scene, showcasing their vulnerabilities and strengths in the face of adversity.

Character Changes: 7

Pablo undergoes a significant change as he faces the consequences of his actions, setting him on a new path in the story.

Internal Goal: 8

Pablo's internal goal is to maintain his composure and project a sense of defiance despite being arrested. This reflects his deeper need for control and power in a situation where he is vulnerable.

External Goal: 7

Pablo's external goal is to appear strong and unbreakable in front of the detectives, asserting his dominance even in handcuffs.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict between Pablo and the authorities is palpable, adding intensity to the scene and driving the narrative forward.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Pablo facing off against the detectives in a power struggle that adds complexity to the narrative.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high as Pablo faces arrest and the potential unraveling of his criminal empire, adding urgency and tension to the scene.

Story Forward: 9

The scene propels the story forward by introducing a major turning point in Pablo's journey, leading to new conflicts and developments.

Unpredictability: 7

The scene is unpredictable in terms of how Pablo will react to the detectives' actions, adding suspense and intrigue.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict lies in the power struggle between law enforcement and criminality, challenging Pablo's beliefs about authority and control.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes a sense of unease and anticipation, setting the stage for emotional repercussions in future events.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is minimal but impactful, conveying the tension and stakes of the situation effectively.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its suspenseful atmosphere and the conflict between the characters, keeping the audience invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged in the unfolding events.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting adheres to the conventions of the genre, effectively conveying the visual and emotional elements of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a crime drama, building tension through visual cues and character interactions.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the tension of Pablo's arrest and the power dynamics between him and the DAS agents, Herrera and Ibarra. However, the dialogue could be more impactful. Ibarra's line questioning the decision to photograph Pablo feels somewhat passive and could be strengthened to reflect the stakes involved in their actions.
  • The use of the one-way glass adds a layer of voyeurism and highlights the agents' confidence in their authority. However, the scene could benefit from more visual storytelling. For instance, incorporating subtle body language or facial expressions from Pablo could convey his internal state more effectively, rather than relying solely on the dialogue.
  • The transition from the photographer's click to Pablo's mugshot is a clever match cut, but it might be more powerful if the voiceover from Murphy provided a more explicit connection between the mugshot and its future implications. This could enhance the dramatic irony, as the audience knows the significance of this moment in Pablo's life.
  • The scene lacks a strong emotional hook. While it is a pivotal moment, the emotional weight of Pablo's situation could be emphasized further. Exploring his thoughts or feelings through internal monologue or flashbacks could deepen the audience's connection to his character at this critical juncture.
  • The pacing of the scene is relatively quick, which is appropriate for the tension, but it might benefit from a brief pause after the mugshot is taken. This could allow the audience to absorb the gravity of the moment before moving on, enhancing the impact of the scene.
Suggestions
  • Revise Ibarra's dialogue to reflect a stronger sense of urgency or concern about the implications of photographing Pablo, perhaps by expressing doubt about their approach or the potential fallout.
  • Incorporate more visual storytelling elements, such as close-ups of Pablo's face or hands, to convey his emotional state during the arrest and mugshot process, enhancing the audience's understanding of his character.
  • Enhance Murphy's voiceover to draw a clearer connection between the mugshot and its future consequences, perhaps by hinting at specific events that will unfold as a result of this moment.
  • Consider adding a brief internal monologue or flashback for Pablo during the mugshot process to provide insight into his thoughts and feelings, making the scene more emotionally resonant.
  • Introduce a moment of silence or a slow-motion effect after the mugshot is taken to allow the audience to reflect on the significance of this turning point in Pablo's life before transitioning to the next scene.



Scene 49 -  Betrayal in the Interrogation Room
INT. POLICE HEADQUARTERS - INTERROGATION - MEDELLÍN - DAY

Pablo sits calmly at a table. Herrera enters with Ibarra.

HERRERA
We count over three hundred kilos on
those trucks. That's a street value
of over four million in American
currency. But you only pay us a
hundred fifty thousand.

PABLO
That's what we agreed on.
NARCOS Ep. 101 "Descenso" 5/13/14 44.

HERRERA
(enjoying this)
I make deals for a living. You can
accept my deal or accept the
consequences for not taking it. Now
why don't we renegotiate a bit and
we can all leave happy.

Pablo mulls this, then--

PABLO
I'll give you a million dollars,
U.S., on one condition.

HERRERA
What's that?

PABLO
Somebody in my organization told you
the street price of my cocaine.
Otherwise how would you know? Tell
me who it is and you won't have to
split the money with him.

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Crime","Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In a tense interrogation at the Medellín police headquarters, Pablo faces Herrera and Ibarra over a significant discrepancy in cocaine pricing. While Herrera attempts to leverage the situation to renegotiate the deal, Pablo remains composed, countering with a million-dollar offer but demanding to know the identity of the informant within his organization. The scene highlights the psychological battle between the two, ending with Pablo's insistence on uncovering the betrayal before proceeding.
Strengths
  • Intense negotiation
  • Strong character dynamics
  • Compelling dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Limited character development
  • Lack of action

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is intense, suspenseful, and crucial to the plot, with high stakes and strong character dynamics driving the narrative forward.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of negotiating with law enforcement in the drug trade is a compelling and essential element of the scene. It adds depth to the characters and explores the complex dynamics of power and control.

Plot: 9

The plot is advanced significantly in this scene through the negotiation between Pablo and law enforcement. It sets up future conflicts and developments while adding layers to the overall narrative.

Originality: 8

The scene presents a fresh take on the crime genre by delving into the complex dynamics of drug trafficking and the moral dilemmas faced by the characters. The authenticity of the dialogue adds depth to the characters' actions.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters, especially Pablo and Herrera, are well-developed and drive the scene with their conflicting motivations and strategies. Their interactions reveal insights into their personalities and the power dynamics at play.

Character Changes: 7

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, it deepens our understanding of Pablo's strategic mindset and Herrera's determination to enforce the law.

Internal Goal: 8

Pablo's internal goal is to maintain control and power within his organization. He wants to assert his dominance and protect his interests.

External Goal: 7

Pablo's external goal is to negotiate a better deal for his drug shipments to maximize profits and minimize risks.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is intense and multi-layered, with opposing interests, high stakes, and strategic maneuvering driving the tension and suspense.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting interests and power dynamics at play. The audience is left uncertain about the characters' motivations and choices.

High Stakes: 9

The high stakes in the negotiation, involving millions of dollars and potential consequences for Pablo's organization, raise the tension and importance of the scene.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by introducing a crucial negotiation that will have lasting consequences for the characters and the plot.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the shifting power dynamics and moral choices made by the characters. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of the outcome.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between loyalty and self-preservation. Pablo is willing to betray someone in his organization to secure a better deal, showcasing his ruthless nature.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes tension, suspense, and a sense of impending consequences, engaging the audience emotionally and heightening the stakes for the characters.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is sharp, tense, and reveals the characters' intentions and emotions effectively. It adds depth to the scene and enhances the conflict between Pablo and law enforcement.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the high stakes, intense dialogue, and moral dilemmas faced by the characters. The negotiation adds suspense and keeps the audience invested.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene builds tension effectively, with a gradual escalation of conflict and resolution. It keeps the audience engaged and invested in the outcome.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting adheres to the conventions of the genre, with clear scene headings and dialogue formatting. It enhances the readability and flow of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a crime drama, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the tension and suspense.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes a tense power dynamic between Pablo and the police, particularly through Herrera's confident and somewhat smug demeanor. This tension is palpable and adds to the stakes of the negotiation. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtext; while the characters are direct, adding layers of implication could enhance the drama. For instance, Herrera's motivations could be hinted at more subtly, suggesting he has personal stakes in the negotiation beyond just the money.
  • Pablo's calm demeanor contrasts sharply with the high stakes of the situation, which is intriguing. However, it might be more compelling if we see a flicker of emotion or tension in Pablo, even if it's just a brief moment. This would humanize him further and make the audience more invested in his character. The calmness can be interpreted as confidence, but a hint of vulnerability could deepen the audience's connection to him.
  • The dialogue is functional but lacks a certain flair that could make it more memorable. Lines like 'I'll give you a million dollars, U.S., on one condition' feel a bit flat. Consider rephrasing to make it more impactful or to reflect Pablo's personality more vividly. Perhaps he could use a metaphor or a more colorful expression that reflects his background and character.
  • The scene transitions abruptly with 'CUT TO:', which can be jarring. Instead, consider using a more fluid transition that maintains the tension and flow of the narrative. For example, you could end the scene with a lingering shot on Pablo's face as he delivers his final line, emphasizing the weight of his words before cutting away.
  • The stakes of the negotiation are clear, but the scene could benefit from a stronger visual element to enhance the atmosphere. Describing the setting in more detail—such as the oppressive nature of the interrogation room or the physicality of the characters—could help ground the audience in the moment and heighten the tension.
Suggestions
  • Add subtext to the dialogue to create layers of meaning and tension. For example, hint at Herrera's personal motivations or past experiences that inform his current actions.
  • Introduce a moment of vulnerability or tension in Pablo's character to create a more complex portrayal. This could be a subtle change in his body language or a fleeting expression that reveals his inner thoughts.
  • Revise key lines to make them more impactful and reflective of the characters' personalities. Use metaphors or vivid language that aligns with Pablo's background and the high-stakes nature of the negotiation.
  • Consider a more fluid transition at the end of the scene, perhaps lingering on Pablo's expression or the atmosphere in the room before cutting away, to maintain tension and engagement.
  • Enhance the visual description of the setting to create a more immersive experience for the audience. Describe the interrogation room's oppressive atmosphere or the physicality of the characters to heighten the tension.



Scene 50 -  Betrayal at the Port
EXT. PORT OF MIAMI - DAY

A PLUMBING VAN drives past the cargo crates.

MURPHY (V.O.)
It turns out Cockroach was a real
cockroach. Not only did he sell
Pablo to the authorities, he was
stealing from him all along and
selling coke in Miami, too.

The VAN pulls up to a MERCEDES. GERMAN ZAPATA, 40s, sleek
as a greyhound, gets out. He's accompanied by TWO BODYGUARDS.

MURPHY (V.O.) (CONT'D)
Cockroach's dealer was German Zapata,
a Colombian with a plumbing business
that served as a front for his cocaine
operation. He had twelve hundred
keys in the van. And guess who was
buying the load?

THE MERCEDES DOORS OPEN

Murphy and Kevin get out, wearing guayabera shirts.
NARCOS Ep. 101 "Descenso" 5/13/14 45.

ZAPATA
Gentlemen.

MURPHY
Mr. Zapata. A pleasure.

Kevin walks to the back of the Mercedes and opens--

THE TRUNK

It's packed with two duffel bags of CASH.

MURPHY, KEVIN AND ZAPATA

walk to the back of the plumbing van.

MURPHY (V.O.) (CONT'D)
The plan was to trade vehicles and
Zapata would be arrested once he
left the Port.

Zapata opens the back to reveal--

A HUGE AMOUNT OF COCAINE

MURPHY (V.O.) (CONT'D)
Twelve hundred kilos - that would
get us on the cover of the Miami
Herald.

Murphy exchanges car keys with Zapata.

MURPHY (V.O.) (CONT'D)
Everything was going perfect, except
that Pablo was onto Cockroach.
Genres: ["Crime","Thriller"]

Summary At the Port of Miami, Murphy reveals through voiceover that Cockroach has betrayed Pablo by selling him to the authorities and is involved in drug trafficking. German Zapata, a Colombian drug dealer posing as a plumber, meets Murphy and Kevin, who are dressed in guayabera shirts. They exchange car keys, with Zapata showing off a trunk filled with cash while the plumbing van reveals a large stash of cocaine. Murphy plans to arrest Zapata after the exchange, but hints that Pablo is aware of Cockroach's betrayal, creating tension for future developments.
Strengths
  • Tension-building
  • Character dynamics
  • Plot advancement
Weaknesses
  • Potential predictability
  • Limited character depth in some interactions

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively builds tension and suspense through the exchange of cocaine and the revelation of betrayal. It sets up future conflicts and consequences, keeping the audience engaged.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the scene, focusing on a high-stakes exchange of cocaine and the revelation of betrayal, is engaging and sets up future conflicts and developments in the story.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene is crucial in advancing the story, introducing key conflicts and character dynamics that will have significant repercussions in the narrative.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh take on the crime genre, with unique characters and a high-stakes operation. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters in the scene are well-developed and their interactions reveal important aspects of their personalities and motivations, adding depth to the story.

Character Changes: 7

The scene sets up potential character changes and developments, particularly in response to the betrayal and high-stakes situation presented.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to successfully execute a plan to arrest German Zapata and make a big drug bust. This reflects their desire for justice and to take down criminals in the drug trade.

External Goal: 9

The protagonist's external goal is to trade vehicles with Zapata and have him arrested once he leaves the Port. This reflects the immediate challenge of executing a risky operation to catch a drug dealer.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The scene is filled with conflict, both internal and external, as characters navigate the high-stakes exchange of cocaine and the revelation of betrayal.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist facing challenges from criminals like Zapata and the risks involved in their operation. The audience is unsure of how the situation will unfold.

High Stakes: 9

The scene is filled with high stakes, as characters engage in a dangerous exchange of cocaine that could have serious consequences for their criminal enterprise.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by introducing key plot points, conflicts, and character dynamics that will drive future developments in the narrative.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists and turns in the protagonist's plan to catch Zapata. The audience is kept guessing about the outcome of the operation.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between law and crime, as the protagonist is working to uphold justice while dealing with criminals like Zapata. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs in the system and the morality of their actions.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene elicits a sense of tension and suspense, keeping the audience emotionally engaged as the characters navigate the dangerous world of drug trafficking.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the tension and stakes of the exchange, as well as the dynamics between the characters involved.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its high stakes, suspenseful atmosphere, and the protagonist's mission to catch a criminal. The dialogue and actions keep the audience on the edge of their seat.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a balance of action, dialogue, and suspenseful moments. The rhythm of the scene keeps the audience engaged and invested in the outcome.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with clear descriptions and dialogue. The visual elements are well-presented, enhancing the reader's understanding of the action.

Structure: 9

The scene follows the expected structure for a crime drama, with a setup, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and formatting are effective in building tension and suspense.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension by revealing Cockroach's betrayal and the stakes involved in the drug trade. However, the exposition through Murphy's voiceover could be more concise to maintain the pacing and keep the audience engaged.
  • The introduction of German Zapata as a character is intriguing, but the scene could benefit from a more vivid description of his demeanor and presence. This would help establish him as a formidable antagonist and enhance the tension in the exchange.
  • The dialogue feels somewhat functional and lacks emotional depth. While it conveys necessary information, adding subtext or conflict in the dialogue could elevate the stakes and make the characters' motivations clearer.
  • The visual elements, such as the plumbing van and the Mercedes, serve their purpose, but the scene could be enhanced by incorporating more sensory details. Describing the sounds, smells, or atmosphere of the port could create a more immersive experience for the audience.
  • The transition from the voiceover to the action could be smoother. The abrupt shift from Murphy's narration to the physical exchange feels slightly jarring. A more gradual transition could help maintain the flow of the scene.
Suggestions
  • Consider tightening the voiceover to focus on the most critical elements of the betrayal and the operation, allowing the visuals to convey some of the information instead.
  • Enhance Zapata's introduction by including a brief action or detail that showcases his character, such as a confident gesture or a menacing look, to establish his role as a significant player in the drug trade.
  • Revise the dialogue to include more emotional stakes or conflict, perhaps by having Murphy express doubt or concern about the operation, which could add tension to the exchange.
  • Incorporate more sensory details to enrich the setting, such as the sounds of the port, the heat of the day, or the smell of the ocean, to create a more vivid atmosphere.
  • Work on the transition between the voiceover and the action to ensure a smoother flow, possibly by using a visual cue or a moment of silence before the dialogue resumes.



Scene 51 -  The Surrender at the Port
EXT. PORT OF MIAMI - DAY

CAMERA FOLLOWS over the shoulder of two ASSASSINS on a
Kawasaki, heading into the long term parking. On the back
of the cycle is--

LA QUICA, a hitman who works for Pablo.

He pulls out his Mac-10 and fires.

BOOM! - ZAPATA AND KEVIN

drop like stones.

ZAPATA'S BODYGUARD
NARCOS Ep. 101 "Descenso" 5/13/14 46.

returns fire.

The DRIVER gets blown off the cycle. It spins out on the
concrete pavement.

LA QUICA

scrambles to his feet, raising his Mac-10.

MURPHY

steps forward, about to fire--

LA QUICA

drops his Mac-10 and raises his hands.

LA QUICA
(accented)
I give up! Arrest me.

Hands high, he drops to his knees.

MURPHY

lowers his weapon as--

A SWARM OF DEA AGENTS

arrive to arrest La Quica.

CLOSE - ON KEVIN

Dead from a bullet wound to the skull.

CUT TO:

AN AMERICAN FLAG

Flapping in the wind above the Miami-Dade Courthouse.

MURPHY (V.O.)
I got to the courthouse early on the
day of La Quica's trial.
Genres: ["Crime","Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In a tense scene at the Port of Miami, La Quica, a hitman for Pablo, ambushes Zapata and Kevin, killing them with a Mac-10. A shootout ensues, resulting in the motorcycle driver being shot off the bike. La Quica surrenders to DEA agent Murphy, dropping his weapon and kneeling as agents arrive to arrest him. The scene concludes with a close-up of Kevin's lifeless body and transitions to the Miami-Dade Courthouse, where Murphy reflects on La Quica's upcoming trial.
Strengths
  • Intense action
  • Dramatic tension
  • Emotional impact
  • Plot progression
Weaknesses
  • Character development could be further explored
  • Dialogue could be more nuanced

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is well-executed, with a strong design that effectively builds tension and advances the plot. The intense action and tragic outcome create a memorable and impactful moment in the story.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a high-stakes showdown between DEA agents and a hitman working for Pablo Escobar is compelling and drives the narrative forward. The scene effectively explores themes of conflict, betrayal, and the consequences of the drug trade.

Plot: 9

The plot of the scene is crucial in advancing the story, as it leads to significant consequences for the characters involved. The confrontation at the Port of Miami sets the stage for further developments in the narrative.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh take on the crime genre with its focus on the clash between law enforcement and criminal elements. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and grounded in reality.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters in the scene, particularly La Quica and Murphy, are well-developed and their actions drive the conflict forward. The scene showcases the complex dynamics between law enforcement and drug traffickers.

Character Changes: 7

The characters, particularly Murphy, experience a shift in their circumstances and relationships as a result of the confrontation. The events at the Port of Miami lead to changes in their motivations and actions.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to maintain control and uphold justice in a chaotic and dangerous situation. This reflects his deeper need for order and safety.

External Goal: 9

The protagonist's external goal is to apprehend the dangerous hitman La Quica and bring him to justice. This reflects the immediate challenge of dealing with a violent criminal.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The level of conflict in the scene is high, with a life-and-death confrontation between DEA agents and a hitman. The stakes are raised as the characters face off in a tense and dangerous situation.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist facing off against a dangerous hitman and navigating a complex moral dilemma.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes in the scene are high, with life-and-death consequences for the characters involved. The intense action and dramatic tension raise the stakes and drive the conflict forward.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward significantly, setting up new conflicts and consequences for the characters. The events at the Port of Miami have a lasting impact on the narrative trajectory.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the sudden twists and turns in the characters' actions and the unexpected resolution of the conflict.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between the protagonist's commitment to upholding the law and the criminal underworld's disregard for it. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs in justice and morality.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene has a significant emotional impact, particularly with the tragic outcome of Kevin's death and the intense confrontation between La Quica and the DEA agents. The emotional stakes are heightened, adding depth to the narrative.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the tension and stakes of the confrontation. While not overly verbose, the dialogue serves its purpose in driving the action and revealing character motivations.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its high-stakes action, moral dilemmas, and intense character dynamics.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by maintaining a sense of urgency and tension throughout.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with clear scene headings, action lines, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 9

The scene follows the expected structure for a crime drama, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm enhance the tension and suspense.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension with the sudden violence of La Quica's attack, creating a visceral impact that aligns with the overall tone of the script. However, the transition from the previous scene to this one feels abrupt. The audience may benefit from a smoother segue that connects the betrayal of Cockroach to the immediate consequences of La Quica's actions.
  • The dialogue is minimal, which works well in a high-stakes action scene, but it could benefit from a few lines that provide insight into La Quica's mindset or motivations. This would add depth to his character and enhance the emotional stakes of the confrontation.
  • The visual descriptions are strong, particularly the imagery of the motorcycle and the chaos that ensues. However, the scene could be enhanced by including more sensory details, such as the sounds of gunfire, the reactions of bystanders, or the atmosphere of the Port of Miami, which would immerse the audience further into the setting.
  • The stakes are clear with the deaths of Zapata and Kevin, but the emotional impact could be heightened by briefly showing Murphy's reaction to Kevin's death. This would not only humanize Murphy but also emphasize the personal cost of the drug war, making the scene more poignant.
  • The ending with the American flag is a powerful visual, but it feels somewhat disconnected from the preceding action. A stronger thematic link between the violence of the drug trade and the symbolism of the flag could enhance the scene's resonance.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment of dialogue or internal monologue for La Quica before the shooting starts, which could provide insight into his motivations and make the audience more invested in the conflict.
  • Incorporate more sensory details to create a richer atmosphere, such as the sounds of the motorcycle, the chaos of the gunfire, and the reactions of any bystanders who might witness the violence.
  • Include a moment that captures Murphy's emotional response to Kevin's death, whether through a facial expression, a line of dialogue, or a brief flashback, to deepen the audience's connection to the characters.
  • Create a smoother transition from the previous scene to this one, perhaps by including a brief moment that highlights the tension building up to the assassination attempt, linking Cockroach's betrayal to the immediate danger.
  • Strengthen the thematic connection between the violence of the drug trade and the American flag at the end, perhaps by incorporating Murphy's voiceover that reflects on the implications of the drug war on American society.



Scene 52 -  Justice on Shaky Ground
EXT. COURTHOUSE - MIAMI - DAY

Murphy climbs the steps to enter the courthouse.

MURPHY (V.O.)
My testimony was gonna put that
bastard on death row.
NARCOS Ep. 101 "Descenso" 5/13/14 47.

He's buttonholed by a U.S. PROSECUTOR.

MURPHY (V.O.) (CONT'D)
The U.S. District Attorney caught me
on the courthouse steps, said La
Quica met his bail of two million
dollars, paid by a wire transfer
from-- well, why don't you take a
guess?

CUT TO:

BOARDING GATE - "MEDELLÍN, COLOMBIA"
Genres: ["Crime","Drama","Thriller"]

Summary As Murphy approaches the Miami-Dade Courthouse, he reflects on the importance of his testimony against La Quica, believing it will secure a death row conviction. However, his resolve is shaken when a U.S. Prosecutor informs him that La Quica has been granted bail set at two million dollars, hinting at powerful connections behind the scenes. This revelation underscores the challenges Murphy faces in his quest for justice, leaving him in a precarious position as the scene shifts to a boarding gate in Medellín, Colombia.
Strengths
  • Tension-building
  • Character development
  • Emotional impact
Weaknesses
  • Possible predictability
  • Lack of resolution

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene is well-executed, with a strong focus on tension and drama. The confrontation between Murphy and La Quica adds depth to the plot and characters, keeping the audience engaged.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the scene revolves around the confrontation between Murphy and La Quica, highlighting the betrayal and danger inherent in the world of drug trafficking. The scene effectively advances the overarching plot.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene is driven by the conflict between Murphy and La Quica, adding depth to the narrative and setting up future developments. The scene moves the story forward and maintains audience interest.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a familiar legal setting but adds a twist with the international criminal element, making it fresh and engaging. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and add depth to the story.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters of Murphy and La Quica are well-developed in this scene, showcasing their conflicting motivations and the consequences of their actions. The dialogue and interactions between the characters enhance the tension of the scene.

Character Changes: 7

Both Murphy and La Quica undergo changes in this scene, with Murphy facing the consequences of his actions and La Quica experiencing the fallout of his betrayal. The scene sets the stage for further character development.

Internal Goal: 8

Murphy's internal goal is to seek justice and put the criminal on death row, reflecting his desire for closure and to make things right.

External Goal: 7

Murphy's external goal is to testify against the criminal and ensure he is put behind bars, reflecting the immediate challenge he faces in the legal system.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The level of conflict in the scene is high, with tensions running high between Murphy and La Quica. The confrontation at the courthouse escalates the stakes and sets the stage for future conflicts.

Opposition: 8

The strong opposition from La Quica and the criminal underworld adds complexity and uncertainty to Murphy's mission, creating suspense and conflict.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in this scene, with the characters facing life-changing consequences and dangerous confrontations. The scene raises the tension and sets the stage for significant events to come.

Story Forward: 8

The scene effectively moves the story forward by introducing new conflicts and consequences for the characters. The events at the courthouse have a lasting impact on the narrative and set up future plot developments.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected turn of events with La Quica meeting bail and the mystery surrounding the wire transfer from Medellín.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict revolves around the morality of seeking justice through the legal system and the consequences of getting involved in dangerous criminal cases.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene has a significant emotional impact, particularly in the moments of betrayal and confrontation. The audience is drawn into the characters' struggles and the consequences of their actions.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the emotions and motivations of the characters, adding depth to the confrontation between Murphy and La Quica. The dialogue drives the conflict and reveals important plot points.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its fast-paced dialogue, tense atmosphere, and high stakes that keep the audience invested in Murphy's story.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is fast and suspenseful, with quick exchanges of dialogue and a sense of urgency that heightens the drama.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with clear scene headings and dialogue formatting that enhances readability.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a legal drama, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution that keeps the audience engaged.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes a sense of urgency and tension as Murphy approaches the courthouse, which is crucial given the stakes of La Quica's trial. However, the transition from Murphy's internal monologue to the interaction with the U.S. Prosecutor feels abrupt. A smoother transition could enhance the flow of the narrative.
  • Murphy's voiceover provides valuable context about the significance of his testimony and the implications of La Quica's bail. However, the phrase 'well, why don't you take a guess?' feels somewhat informal and could undermine the gravity of the situation. This line could be rephrased to maintain a more serious tone.
  • The visual description of the courthouse steps is minimal. Adding more sensory details about the environment—such as the sounds of the city, the atmosphere around the courthouse, or the demeanor of people present—could enrich the scene and immerse the audience further into the setting.
  • The scene lacks a strong emotional beat or reaction from Murphy upon learning about La Quica's bail. This moment is pivotal, and showing Murphy's immediate emotional response—whether it's anger, frustration, or disbelief—would deepen the audience's connection to his character and the stakes involved.
  • The cut to the boarding gate in Medellín feels somewhat disjointed. While it serves as a transition, it could benefit from a clearer thematic or narrative link to the preceding moment. Consider using a visual or auditory cue that ties the two locations together, reinforcing the connection between Murphy's current situation and the ongoing drug trade.
Suggestions
  • Consider revising the dialogue to maintain a serious tone, especially in Murphy's voiceover. Instead of 'well, why don't you take a guess?', use a more impactful line that reflects the gravity of La Quica's connections.
  • Enhance the sensory details in the setting description to create a more vivid atmosphere. Describe the sounds, sights, and even the emotions of people around the courthouse to ground the audience in the moment.
  • Incorporate Murphy's emotional reaction to La Quica's bail. This could be a brief moment of reflection or a physical reaction that conveys his frustration or anger, adding depth to his character.
  • Smooth the transition between Murphy's voiceover and the interaction with the U.S. Prosecutor. Consider adding a brief moment of silence or a visual cue that emphasizes the weight of the news before the prosecutor interrupts.
  • Ensure that the cut to Medellín feels more cohesive. You might include a line in Murphy's voiceover that hints at the ongoing implications of La Quica's release, creating a stronger narrative thread between the two locations.



Scene 53 -  Reflections on Violence and Indifference
INT. MIAMI INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT - DAY

La Quica walks onto a plane.

MURPHY (V.O.)
La Quica boarded and was back in
Medellín by midnight.

INT. MURPHY'S APARTMENT - BEDROOM - MIAMI - NIGHT

Connie sleeps in Murphy's arms. He stares at the ceiling.

MURPHY (V.O.)
From `79 through `84, there were
3245 murders in Miami.

MONTAGE: MIAMI AND MEDELLÍN (ARCHIVAL FOOTAGE)

This sequence will be built from archival footage: Murders,
mayhem, boat-lifts and coke seizures.

MURPHY (V.O.) (CONT'D)
But outside of the Florida Tourist
Bureau and the cops, no one much
cared about that.
Genres: ["Crime","Drama","Thriller"]

Summary La Quica boards a plane back to Medellín as Murphy reflects on the violent history of Miami from 1979 to 1984. His voiceover, paired with archival footage, highlights the staggering murder rates and the apathy of authorities and the public towards the rampant crime. The scene transitions from Miami International Airport to Murphy's bedroom, where a moment of intimacy with Connie contrasts the somber tone of the narrative. The montage emphasizes the tragic reality of violence and the ongoing indifference surrounding it.
Strengths
  • Effective use of archival footage
  • Strong character development
  • High level of conflict and tension
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue could be more impactful
  • Character changes could be more pronounced

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively captures the dark and intense tone of the drug war, providing a reflective look at the consequences of the characters' actions. The use of archival footage adds authenticity and depth to the storytelling.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring the drug war in Miami and Medellín from multiple perspectives is compelling and engaging. The scene effectively conveys the complexity and brutality of the situation.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene is engaging and moves the story forward by highlighting key events and character dynamics. It sets up future conflicts and developments, adding depth to the overall narrative.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces familiar themes of crime and violence but approaches them in a fresh and authentic way. The characters' actions and dialogue feel genuine and add depth to the story.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters in the scene are well-developed and show depth through their actions and interactions. Their emotional struggles and moral dilemmas add complexity to the story.

Character Changes: 7

The scene shows some character development, particularly in Murphy's internal struggles and moral dilemmas. The events of the scene challenge the characters and push them to make difficult decisions.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is likely to come to terms with the violence and crime surrounding him, as well as his own involvement in it. It reflects his deeper need for redemption, fear of being consumed by the darkness, and desire for a better life.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to navigate the dangerous world of drug trafficking and crime, while also maintaining a facade of normalcy in his personal life.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The scene has a high level of conflict, both internal and external, as the characters navigate the dangerous world of drug trafficking and law enforcement. The tension is palpable and drives the narrative forward.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist facing internal and external challenges that add complexity to the story and keep the audience guessing.

High Stakes: 9

The scene has high stakes as the characters navigate the dangerous world of drug trafficking and law enforcement. The consequences of their actions are significant, adding tension and drama to the narrative.

Story Forward: 8

The scene effectively moves the story forward by introducing key events, conflicts, and character dynamics. It sets up future developments and adds depth to the overall narrative.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because it introduces conflicting elements and sets up potential twists and turns in the narrative.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the juxtaposition between the glamorous facade of Miami and the gritty reality of the drug trade. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs about morality, justice, and the consequences of his actions.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene has a strong emotional impact, eliciting feelings of sadness, tension, and reflection. The personal struggles of the characters resonate with the audience, adding depth to the storytelling.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue in the scene is effective in conveying the characters' emotions and motivations. It adds depth to the storytelling and enhances the overall impact of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it sets up a compelling conflict, introduces intriguing characters, and establishes a dark and dangerous world that draws the audience in.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged and setting up the conflict for the rest of the narrative.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and concise, following the expected format for its genre and enhancing the readability of the screenplay.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, effectively setting up the conflict and establishing the tone for the rest of the narrative.


Critique
  • The scene effectively uses voiceover to convey Murphy's reflections on the violence in Miami, which adds depth to the narrative and connects the audience to the broader implications of the drug trade. However, the transition from La Quica boarding the plane to Murphy's introspection feels abrupt. A smoother transition could enhance the flow of the scene.
  • The archival footage montage is a powerful storytelling device, but it risks overshadowing the emotional weight of Murphy's character. The juxtap of Connie sleeping peacefully while Murphy reflects on the chaos outside creates a stark contrast, yet the emotional impact could be heightened by including more of Murphy's internal struggle or a brief moment of interaction with Connie before he shifts to the voiceover.
  • The voiceover provides important context about the number of murders, but it could benefit from a more personal touch. Instead of just stating the statistics, Murphy could reflect on how these events have affected him personally or the community, which would create a stronger emotional connection for the audience.
  • The line 'no one much cared about that' is impactful, but it could be expanded to explore the indifference of society towards the violence. This could be illustrated through a brief visual or anecdote that highlights the disconnect between the violence and the everyday lives of Miami's residents.
  • The scene lacks a clear visual anchor or action that ties the two locations (Miami and Medellín) together. While the archival footage serves as a backdrop, incorporating a visual element that connects Murphy's current situation to the chaos he describes could enhance the thematic resonance.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment where Murphy interacts with Connie before the voiceover begins, allowing the audience to see his emotional state and the contrast between his personal life and the violence he reflects on.
  • Enhance the transition between La Quica boarding the plane and Murphy's voiceover by including a visual cue or a moment of realization for Murphy that connects the two scenes more fluidly.
  • Incorporate a personal anecdote or memory from Murphy that relates to the statistics he shares, making the voiceover more relatable and impactful for the audience.
  • Expand on the line about societal indifference by including a visual or anecdote that illustrates how the violence has been normalized or ignored by the public, deepening the critique of societal apathy.
  • Consider using a more dynamic visual element in the montage that ties back to Murphy's character, such as showing him in a previous scene reacting to the violence, to create a stronger narrative thread.



Scene 54 -  Businessmen's Dilemma: The Narco-Economy Threat
EXT. WHITE HOUSE - WASHINGTON, DC - DAY (ARCHIVAL FOOTAGE)

Establishing.

MURPHY (V.O.)
What got the U.S. government to take
notice was the money. Billions of
dollars a year, all of it flowing
from the U.S. to Colombia. And that,
America could not take.
NARCOS Ep. 101 "Descenso" 5/13/14 48.

INT. OVAL OFFICE ANTEROOM - DAY

FOUR BUSINESSMEN are seated on a couch.

MURPHY (V.O.)
See these guys? That's Gerald Ottman
from General Electric. Jack Rogers
from Miami National Bank. Paul
Griggs, Goldman Sachs. And Bill
Taub from the City Workers Pension
Fund. They were terrified the narco-
economy would sink the real economy
of Miami.

A SECRETARY enters the room.

SECRETARY
The President will see you now.

MURPHY (V.O.)
Or maybe they were pissed off they
weren't getting a cut.

Inside the Oval Office, a Reaganesque figure can be seen
sitting behind his desk (not identifiable).
Genres: ["Crime","Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In the Oval Office anteroom, four anxious businessmen—Gerald Ottman, Jack Rogers, Paul Griggs, and Bill Taub—await a meeting with the President, expressing their fears about the narco-economy undermining Miami's financial stability. Murphy's voiceover suggests their concerns may be driven by self-interest rather than genuine care for the broader implications. The scene is tense, highlighting the urgency of their situation as they prepare to confront the President about the economic threat posed by drug trafficking.
Strengths
  • Compelling concept
  • Tense dialogue
  • High stakes
  • Political intrigue
Weaknesses
  • Lack of character development
  • Limited emotional depth

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively sets up the political and economic implications of the drug trade, creating tension and intrigue through the interactions of powerful figures. It also adds depth to the narrative by exploring the motivations and fears of key players.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of showcasing the intersection between drug trafficking and the economy, as well as the political response to the narco-economy, is compelling and adds depth to the overall narrative. It raises important questions about power, corruption, and morality.

Plot: 8

The plot is advanced through the introduction of new conflicts and power dynamics, setting the stage for future confrontations and developments. The scene adds layers to the overarching story and raises the stakes for the characters.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh perspective on the intersection of business, government, and societal issues, offering a unique take on the consequences of the narco-economy.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters in the scene are well-defined and their motivations are clear. The interactions between the businessmen and the President hint at their individual agendas and fears, adding complexity to their roles in the story.

Character Changes: 7

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the interactions and revelations hint at potential shifts in the characters' motivations and alliances. The introduction of new conflicts sets the stage for future developments.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to understand the motivations and concerns of the businessmen and how they relate to the larger issue of the narco-economy.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to gather information and insights from the businessmen to address the issue of money flowing from the U.S. to Colombia.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict in the scene is high, as it involves powerful figures with competing interests and fears. The tension between the businessmen and the President, as well as the underlying threat of the narco-economy, creates a sense of urgency and danger.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting interests and motivations among the characters creating obstacles for the protagonist to navigate.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes in the scene are high, as powerful individuals grapple with the threat of the narco-economy and its potential impact on their interests. The fear of economic collapse and loss of power drives their actions and decisions.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing new conflicts, raising the stakes for the characters, and setting up future confrontations. It adds depth to the narrative and expands the scope of the story.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the conflicting interests and motivations of the characters, leaving the audience unsure of how the situation will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the ethical implications of business interests conflicting with government policies and the impact on society.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene elicits a mix of negative emotions, including fear, cynicism, and concern. The high stakes and moral ambiguity of the characters' actions contribute to a sense of unease and tension.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is sharp and impactful, revealing the tensions and power dynamics between the characters. It effectively conveys the fear and greed driving their actions, as well as the political maneuvering at play.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the tension between the characters, the high stakes involved, and the sense of urgency in addressing the issue at hand.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the unfolding events.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with clear scene headings, character descriptions, and dialogue.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a political drama, with a clear establishment of setting, characters, and conflict.


Critique
  • The scene effectively uses archival footage to establish the gravity of the narco-economy and its impact on the U.S. government, which is a strong narrative choice. However, the transition from the White House to the Oval Office anteroom could be smoother to maintain the flow of the story.
  • Murphy's voiceover provides a critical commentary on the motivations of the businessmen, which adds depth to the narrative. However, the characterization of the businessmen could be enhanced by including brief visual cues or actions that reflect their personalities or emotions, making them more relatable and memorable to the audience.
  • The dialogue in the voiceover is engaging, but it could benefit from a more varied tone. The current delivery feels somewhat flat; incorporating more emotional weight or urgency could heighten the stakes and draw the audience in further.
  • The scene's pacing is generally good, but the introduction of the secretary could be expanded to create a moment of tension or anticipation before the businessmen meet the President. This could enhance the dramatic impact of the meeting.
  • The use of the phrase 'maybe they were pissed off they weren't getting a cut' is a strong line that adds a layer of cynicism. However, it could be more impactful if it were delivered with a stronger emotional tone or accompanied by a visual that emphasizes the greed or desperation of the businessmen.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment of interaction among the businessmen before the secretary enters, which could reveal their anxieties or ambitions, making them more dynamic characters.
  • Enhance the transition between the archival footage and the anteroom by using a more dramatic visual or sound cue that signifies the shift from the broader context to the specific meeting.
  • Incorporate a visual element that highlights the stakes of the narco-economy, such as a graphic representation of the money flow, to complement Murphy's voiceover and provide a clearer picture of the situation.
  • Explore the possibility of including a brief exchange of dialogue among the businessmen that hints at their motivations or concerns, adding depth to their characters and the scene.
  • Consider varying the tone of Murphy's voiceover to reflect the gravity of the situation more effectively, perhaps by emphasizing certain words or phrases that convey urgency or frustration.



Scene 55 -  A Meeting of Influence
INT. OVAL OFFICE - DAY

The Businessmen enter. The President stands and shakes hands
with his guests.

BUSINESS
Mr. President. Thank you for having
us.

MURPHY (V.O.)
Whatever it was, the businessmen
came at just the right time. The
Berlin Wall was about to fall. The
Soviet Union was dissolving. It was
time for America to suit up against
a new enemy.
Genres: ["Crime","Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In the Oval Office, the President warmly greets a group of businessmen, setting a formal tone for a significant meeting amidst major geopolitical changes like the fall of the Berlin Wall. The businessmen express gratitude for the opportunity to discuss matters that may impact their interests, hinting at underlying tensions related to shifting global dynamics. The scene conveys a sense of urgency and importance as it prepares to address critical issues in America's evolving geopolitical landscape.
Strengths
  • Effective tension-building
  • Intriguing power dynamics
  • Compelling conflict setup
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue could be more nuanced
  • Limited emotional depth in certain interactions

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively introduces a new layer of conflict and intrigue, setting up future developments while maintaining a tense and reflective tone. The dialogue and character interactions are engaging, and the stakes are raised significantly.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of political and economic interests intersecting with the drug trade is compelling and adds depth to the narrative. The scene effectively sets up future conflicts and explores the complexities of power dynamics.

Plot: 8

The plot progresses significantly in this scene, introducing new conflicts and motivations that will drive future events. The tension is palpable, and the stakes are raised, setting the stage for dramatic developments.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh perspective on historical events by focusing on the personal and political implications of forming alliances during a time of global upheaval. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds depth to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters' interactions and motivations are well-developed in this scene, showcasing their conflicting interests and the impact of external pressures on their decisions. The dynamic between the businessmen and the President adds depth to the narrative.

Character Changes: 7

The scene sets the stage for potential character changes, as the conflicting interests and external pressures force the characters to reassess their positions and alliances. The dynamic between the characters is likely to evolve in future scenes.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene may be to navigate the shifting political landscape and make decisions that will benefit America's interests. This reflects a deeper need for leadership, strategic thinking, and the ability to adapt to changing circumstances.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to establish alliances or partnerships with the businessmen to strengthen America's position on the global stage.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The level of conflict in the scene is high, with competing interests and motivations coming to a head. The tension between the businessmen, the President, and the looming threat of the drug trade creates a sense of urgency and intrigue.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, as the protagonist must navigate conflicting interests and make difficult decisions that will impact America's future.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in this scene, with the characters facing the consequences of their actions and decisions. The clash between political interests and the drug trade raises the stakes and sets the stage for potentially dire consequences.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward, introducing new conflicts, motivations, and power dynamics that will drive future events. The revelations and confrontations set the stage for dramatic developments.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because the outcome of the protagonist's decisions and the impact of forming alliances with the businessmen are uncertain.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict in this scene may revolve around the idea of power, influence, and the moral implications of forming alliances with business interests. It challenges the protagonist's beliefs about the role of government in international affairs.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene elicits a moderate emotional impact, primarily through the high stakes and the characters' conflicting emotions and decisions. The sense of foreboding and uncertainty adds depth to the narrative.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue effectively conveys the tension and intrigue of the scene, with sharp exchanges and subtle power dynamics at play. The conversations between the characters reveal their motivations and set the stage for future conflicts.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it presents a high-stakes political situation with personal and global implications. The dialogue and narration draw the audience into the protagonist's decision-making process.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged in the protagonist's decision-making process.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with proper scene headings, dialogue formatting, and narrative description.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a political drama, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the tension and urgency of the situation.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes a significant moment in history, linking the fall of the Berlin Wall and the dissolution of the Soviet Union to the rise of drug trafficking as a new focus for America. However, the dialogue is minimal and lacks depth, which may leave the audience wanting more context about the businessmen's motivations and the stakes involved.
  • Murphy's voiceover provides a necessary historical context, but it could be more engaging if it included specific details about the businessmen's concerns or the implications of their meeting with the President. This would help to ground the scene in the characters' perspectives and make their motivations clearer.
  • The visual description of the President as a 'Reaganesque figure' is vague and could benefit from more specific imagery or actions that convey his character and demeanor. This would help to create a stronger visual connection for the audience and enhance the overall impact of the scene.
  • The transition from the previous scene to this one feels abrupt. A smoother segue could help maintain narrative flow and keep the audience engaged. Consider adding a line or two that connects the urgency of the businessmen's concerns to the broader narrative of drug trafficking.
Suggestions
  • Expand the dialogue between the businessmen and the President to include specific concerns about the narco-economy and its impact on their businesses. This would add tension and urgency to the scene.
  • Incorporate more descriptive language in Murphy's voiceover to evoke the emotional weight of the historical moment. For example, consider discussing the fear or uncertainty felt by the businessmen regarding the changing political landscape.
  • Provide a more vivid description of the President's actions or expressions as he greets the businessmen. This could include his body language or facial expressions to convey his attitude towards their concerns.
  • Consider adding a brief moment of silence or tension before the businessmen speak, allowing the audience to feel the gravity of the situation and the stakes involved in their meeting.



Scene 56 -  A Stark Message: The Reagans on Drugs
INT. OVAL OFFICE - DAY (ARCHIVAL FOOTAGE)

RONALD and NANCY REAGAN sit on the couch.

RONALD REAGAN
Tonight, from our family to yours,
from our home to yours.

CLOSE - ON RONALD REAGAN
NARCOS Ep. 101 "Descenso" 5/13/14 49.

RONALD REAGAN (CONT'D)
Drugs are menacing our society.
They're threatening our values and
undercutting our institutions.
(then)
They're killing our children.

MURPHY (V.O.)
It was classic Reagan. Folksy,
direct, and tough. He vowed to go
after drugs at the source. But it
was Nancy who stole the show.

CLOSE - ON NANCY REAGAN

NANCY REAGAN
So to my young friends out there,
life can be great. But not when you
can't see it. So open your eyes to
life, to see it in the vivid colors
that God gave us as a precious gift
to His children. Say yes to your
life. And when it comes to drugs
and alcohol, just say no.

CUT TO:

TIGHT - ON COCKROACH: BEATEN AND BLOODY

COCKROACH
No, no, no!!!

A BULLET blasts him in the forehead.
Genres: ["Crime","Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In this archival footage scene, Ronald and Nancy Reagan address the nation from the Oval Office about the dangers of drugs, with Ronald emphasizing the societal threats and Nancy encouraging youth to embrace life and reject substance abuse. The hopeful message is abruptly contrasted by a violent image of a cockroach being shot, serving as a jarring metaphor for the consequences of drug use.
Strengths
  • Powerful juxtaposition of political speech and violent action
  • Strong emotional impact
  • Compelling thematic exploration
Weaknesses
  • Sudden shift in tone from political speech to violent execution

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene effectively combines political commentary with a shocking and violent event, creating a compelling and impactful moment in the story.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of contrasting political speeches with violent actions adds depth and complexity to the scene, highlighting the themes of the story.

Plot: 8

The plot is advanced through the revelation of Cockroach's betrayal and subsequent execution, setting up further conflicts and developments in the narrative.

Originality: 8

The scene presents a fresh approach to addressing the issue of drugs through the perspective of political figures, adding authenticity to the characters' actions and dialogue.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters' reactions to the events, particularly Murphy's reflection on the Reagan speech and Cockroach's demise, add depth and emotional resonance to the scene.

Character Changes: 8

Murphy's reflection on the Reagan speech and Cockroach's demise hints at potential character growth and internal conflict, setting up future developments.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to address the societal issue of drugs and convey a message of anti-drug use. This reflects their desire to protect and preserve societal values and the well-being of children.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to deliver a strong message against drug use and advocate for anti-drug policies. This reflects the immediate challenge of combating drug-related issues in society.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict between the ideals presented in the Reagan speech and the brutal reality of Cockroach's demise creates tension and drama in the scene.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the character Cockroach facing a difficult situation that adds conflict and uncertainty to the narrative.

High Stakes: 8

The high stakes are evident in the violent and shocking events of Cockroach's demise, highlighting the dangerous world the characters inhabit.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by revealing Cockroach's betrayal and its consequences, setting up new conflicts and challenges for the characters.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected turn of events with the character Cockroach, adding a sense of tension and suspense.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is the debate between promoting drug use as a personal choice and advocating for a drug-free society for the greater good. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs in the importance of societal values and the well-being of children.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene elicits strong emotions from the audience through its juxtaposition of political speeches and violent actions, creating a powerful and memorable moment.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue, including the Reagan speech and Cockroach's final moments, effectively conveys the themes and emotions of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its historical context, impactful dialogue, and the serious tone that captures the audience's attention.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by balancing dialogue and action, maintaining the audience's interest and building tension.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character actions that enhance the visual storytelling.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with clear character interactions and impactful dialogue that drive the narrative forward.


Critique
  • The scene effectively juxtaposes the hopeful rhetoric of the Reagans with the brutal reality of drug violence, creating a stark contrast that emphasizes the disconnect between political discourse and the lived experiences of those affected by the drug trade. This contrast is powerful and serves to highlight the irony of the situation.
  • The use of archival footage adds authenticity to the scene, grounding it in a specific historical context. However, the transition from the Reagans' hopeful message to the violent imagery of Cockroach being shot could be more fluid. The abrupt cut feels jarring and may disrupt the emotional impact intended by the juxtaposition.
  • Murphy's voiceover provides valuable commentary that enriches the scene, but it could benefit from a more nuanced exploration of the implications of the Reagans' message. For instance, discussing the effectiveness of the 'Just Say No' campaign in the context of the escalating violence could deepen the audience's understanding of the complexities involved.
  • The emotional tone shifts dramatically from the Reagans' hopeful message to the violent act, which is effective in showcasing the harsh realities of the drug war. However, the transition could be enhanced by incorporating more visual or auditory cues that signal this shift, allowing the audience to prepare for the stark contrast.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment of silence or a visual cue (like a fade or a change in music) before cutting to the violent imagery of Cockroach. This could help the audience process the Reagans' message before confronting the brutality of the drug war.
  • Expand Murphy's voiceover to include a reflection on the impact of the Reagans' policies on the drug trade and communities affected by it. This could provide a more comprehensive critique of the political rhetoric versus the reality on the ground.
  • Explore the emotional weight of the scene by incorporating reactions from other characters or the environment. For example, showing the impact of the Reagans' message on those in the drug trade or their families could add depth to the narrative.
  • Consider using a more gradual transition in the editing style between the Reagans' speech and the violent act. This could involve a slow zoom out from the Reagans to the violent scene, creating a more cohesive flow that enhances the emotional impact.



Scene 57 -  Survival in Chaos
INT. HACIENDA NAPOLES - ANTIOQUIA - DAY

Cockroach topples to the ground.

MURPHY (V.O.)
They say when a nuclear holocaust
comes, only the cockroaches will
survive.

CAMERA SWIVELS to find Pablo. Gun outstretched.

MURPHY (V.O.) (CONT'D)
I guess they were wrong.

Pablo turns to Poison.

PABLO
Clean this up.
NARCOS Ep. 101 "Descenso" 5/13/14 50.
Genres: ["Crime","Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In a tense scene set in Hacienda Napoles, a cockroach falls to the ground as Murphy's voiceover reflects on survival amidst destruction. Pablo, holding a gun, asserts his authority after a violent act, commanding his subordinate Poison to clean up the aftermath. The dark tone and imagery highlight the themes of violence and survival, leaving an unresolved tension as the scene concludes.
Strengths
  • Intense conflict
  • Strong character dynamics
  • Effective tension-building
Weaknesses
  • Dialogue could be more impactful

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively conveys the ruthless nature of the characters and the high stakes involved, creating tension and intrigue for the audience.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of survival and power dynamics in a criminal world is effectively portrayed, adding depth to the characters and the overall narrative.

Plot: 8

The plot progresses significantly with the resolution of the conflict between the characters, setting the stage for future developments.

Originality: 8

The scene offers a fresh approach to the crime genre by focusing on the protagonist's internal struggles and moral dilemmas, adding depth to the character's actions and dialogue.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed and their motivations are clear, adding complexity to the scene and driving the conflict forward.

Character Changes: 7

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the power dynamics and relationships between the characters evolve, setting the stage for future developments.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to assert his dominance and control over his subordinates, reflecting his need for power and respect in the criminal world.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to maintain order and discipline within his organization, reflecting the immediate challenge of managing his criminal empire and dealing with potential threats.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between the characters is intense and drives the scene forward, creating a sense of urgency and danger.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist facing challenges from within his organization and potential threats from rival groups.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in this scene, with life and death consequences for the characters involved, adding tension and suspense to the narrative.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by resolving a major conflict and setting up new challenges for the characters, driving the narrative towards its climax.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the sudden shift in power dynamics and the protagonist's unexpected actions.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between the protagonist's ruthless and authoritarian leadership style and the moral implications of his actions. It challenges the protagonist's beliefs about power and control in the criminal world.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes strong emotions of tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the characters' fates.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue effectively conveys the tension and power dynamics between the characters, but could have been more impactful with stronger lines.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its tense atmosphere, strong character dynamics, and dramatic dialogue.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and suspense, leading to a dramatic climax.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with proper scene headings, dialogue, and action descriptions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a crime drama, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution.


Critique
  • The opening line about cockroaches surviving a nuclear holocaust is a strong metaphor that sets a dark tone for the scene. However, the transition from this metaphor to the action feels abrupt. The connection between the metaphor and the violent act could be more explicitly drawn to enhance thematic resonance.
  • The use of voiceover from Murphy is effective in providing context and commentary, but it could benefit from a more nuanced exploration of the implications of Pablo's actions. Instead of simply stating 'I guess they were wrong,' consider expanding on the idea of survival in the context of violence and power dynamics.
  • Pablo's command to Poison to 'clean this up' is a chilling display of his authority, but it lacks emotional weight. Adding a brief moment of hesitation or fear from Poison could heighten the tension and illustrate the power imbalance more vividly.
  • The scene's pacing is quick, which works for the urgency of the moment, but it may leave the audience wanting more depth. A few additional beats to capture the aftermath of the violence—perhaps a close-up of Cockroach's expression before he falls or a reaction shot from Pablo—could enhance the emotional impact.
  • The visual composition could be more dynamic. Instead of a simple camera swivel, consider using a more dramatic camera movement or angle to emphasize Pablo's power and the chaos of the scene. This could visually reinforce the themes of control and violence.
Suggestions
  • Consider expanding the voiceover to delve deeper into the implications of survival and violence, perhaps reflecting on the cyclical nature of power and death in the drug trade.
  • Add a moment of hesitation or fear from Poison after Pablo's command to clean up, which would enhance the tension and illustrate the consequences of disobedience.
  • Incorporate a brief visual moment that captures the aftermath of the violence, such as a close-up of Cockroach's face or a reaction shot from Pablo, to add emotional depth.
  • Experiment with more dynamic camera movements or angles to visually emphasize the power dynamics at play in the scene, enhancing the overall impact.
  • Consider using sound design to heighten the atmosphere—perhaps the sound of distant chaos or silence following the gunshot could amplify the tension and emotional weight of the moment.



Scene 58 -  Echoes of Violence
EXT. COLOMBIAN ROAD - MEDELLÍN - NIGHT

Misty night.

MURPHY (V.O.)
Over his career, Pablo would kill
over a thousand cops. But I wouldn't
learn that till later.

WIDE SHOT - COLONEL HERRERA AND NACHO IBARRA

The DAS Agents lie sprawled on the ground. They've been
tortured and shot in the head.

CUT TO:

PEOPLE CROSS THROUGH FRAME

Revealing airport departing gates.

MURPHY (V.O.) (CONT'D)
My dad volunteered to fight in World
War II because of Pearl Harbor.
Genres: ["Crime","Drama","Thriller"]

Summary On a misty night in Medellín, Colombia, the scene reveals the aftermath of brutal violence as DAS agents are found tortured and shot. Murphy's voiceover reflects on the tragic legacy of Pablo Escobar, highlighting the thousands of police officers killed during his reign. Colonel Herrera and Nacho Ibarra are present, embodying the grim reality of the situation. The somber tone underscores the ongoing brutality of the drug war, while Murphy draws a parallel to his father's sacrifices in World War II. The scene concludes with a transition to the airport, hinting at a shift in focus.
Strengths
  • Intense atmosphere
  • Effective tension-building
  • Complex character dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Possible lack of clarity in certain character motivations

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene effectively builds tension, introduces key conflicts, and sets up significant plot developments, keeping the audience engaged and eager to see what unfolds next.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of betrayal, escalating conflict, and the high-stakes nature of the criminal underworld is effectively portrayed, adding depth and intrigue to the narrative.

Plot: 9

The plot is advanced significantly in this scene, with key developments in the conflict between characters and the overall narrative arc, keeping the story engaging and suspenseful.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh perspective on the crime genre by delving into the moral complexities of the protagonist's choices and the harsh realities of the criminal underworld. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-defined, with clear motivations and conflicts driving their actions. The scene effectively showcases the complex relationships and power dynamics at play.

Character Changes: 7

The scene sets the stage for significant character changes and developments, particularly in relation to betrayals, power dynamics, and the consequences of their actions.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to come to terms with the brutal reality of the criminal world he is involved in and reconcile it with his personal values and beliefs.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to navigate the dangerous criminal underworld and gather information to further his investigation.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The level of conflict in the scene is high, with betrayals, power struggles, and escalating tensions driving the narrative forward and keeping the audience on edge.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist facing significant challenges and obstacles that add complexity to the narrative and raise the stakes.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes in the scene are high, with betrayals, power struggles, and life-and-death consequences at play, adding tension and urgency to the narrative.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward significantly, introducing key plot points, escalating conflicts, and setting up future developments that will drive the narrative towards its climax.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected twists in the plot, the moral ambiguity of the characters, and the uncertain outcomes of their actions.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the protagonist's struggle between upholding justice and morality in a corrupt and violent world.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from tension and suspense to foreboding and intrigue, keeping the audience emotionally invested in the characters and their fates.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue effectively conveys tension, conflict, and the high stakes of the situation. It adds depth to the characters and drives the scene forward.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense atmosphere, moral dilemmas, and suspenseful narrative that keeps the audience invested in the protagonist's journey.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged and moving the story forward at a compelling pace.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with proper scene headings, character names, and dialogue format.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a crime thriller genre, with a clear setup of the conflict and the protagonist's goals.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes the brutal legacy of Pablo Escobar through Murphy's voiceover, which provides a stark and chilling context for the violence depicted. However, the transition from the aftermath of violence to Murphy's personal reflection feels abrupt and could benefit from a smoother narrative flow.
  • The imagery of the tortured DAS agents is powerful and serves to highlight the stakes of the drug war. However, the scene could delve deeper into the emotional impact of this violence on the characters involved, particularly Murphy, to create a stronger connection with the audience.
  • Murphy's voiceover introduces a personal anecdote about his father, which adds a layer of historical context. However, the connection between this anecdote and the current scene is tenuous. The writer should clarify how this reflection ties into the themes of sacrifice and conflict, making it more relevant to the unfolding narrative.
  • The visual elements, such as the misty night and the wide shot of the agents, effectively set a somber tone. However, the scene could benefit from more dynamic visuals or actions that convey the tension and horror of the situation, rather than relying solely on static imagery.
  • The dialogue is minimal, which is appropriate for the tone of the scene, but it may leave some viewers wanting more character interaction or emotional expression. Adding a brief moment of dialogue or reaction from Pablo or Poison could enhance the scene's emotional weight.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a transitional line in Murphy's voiceover that directly connects the violence of the DAS agents to his father's experience in World War II, emphasizing the cyclical nature of violence and sacrifice.
  • Incorporate a brief moment where Pablo or Poison reacts to the aftermath of the violence, whether through a grim acknowledgment or a chilling comment, to humanize the characters and deepen the emotional impact.
  • Explore the use of sound design to enhance the atmosphere of the scene. The sounds of the night, distant sirens, or even the quiet aftermath of violence could add layers to the visual storytelling.
  • Consider using a close-up shot of the tortured agents to emphasize the brutality of the situation, followed by a wider shot that reveals the setting, creating a more immersive experience for the audience.
  • Reflect on the pacing of the scene; if the transition from the violence to Murphy's personal reflection feels too abrupt, consider extending the moment of silence or adding a lingering shot of the aftermath before shifting to the airport imagery.



Scene 59 -  Departure of Duty
INT. MIAMI INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT - NIGHT

The international departure terminal.

MURPHY (V.O.)
But you think he knew anybody in
Hawaii? No way.

WIDE SHOT

Two tiny figures walk toward CAMERA.

MURPHY (V.O.) (CONT'D)
He was a West Virginia farmboy. But
these fuckers stepped on our soil.

The figures get closer.

MURPHY (V.O.) (CONT'D)
So he laced up his Army boots and
went to fight. It was his duty.

It's Murphy and Connie, walking into a TWO SHOT.

MURPHY (V.O.) (CONT'D)
Cocaine in Miami? Powder from
Colombia? This was my war.
NARCOS Ep. 101 "Descenso" 5/13/14 51.

REVERSING, OVER SHOULDER as they board a plane. TILT UP to
see the departure sign: "Bogota, Colombia."

EXT. MIAMI INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT - DAY

The PLANE races down the runway.

MURPHY (V.O.)
This was my duty. And I was ready
to fight.

The airplane lifts off into the sky.
Genres: ["Crime","Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In the Miami International Airport's international departure terminal at night, Murphy reflects on his past and the personal stakes of his fight against drug trafficking, paralleling his experiences with those of a West Virginia farmboy now walking with Connie. As they board a plane to Bogota, Colombia, Murphy's voiceover reveals his sense of duty and readiness to confront the challenges ahead, culminating in the airplane's takeoff, symbolizing his commitment to the mission.
Strengths
  • Strong thematic foundation
  • Effective setup of character motivation
  • Clear visual storytelling
Weaknesses
  • Minimal dialogue
  • Limited character interaction

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively sets up the tension and stakes for the upcoming conflict, showcasing Murphy's commitment to his mission and the dangerous world he is entering.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of duty and personal sacrifice is central to the scene, as Murphy grapples with the weight of his mission and the risks involved. It sets up a strong foundation for character development and conflict.

Plot: 8

The plot is advanced by highlighting Murphy's commitment to his mission and the dangerous world of drug trafficking he is entering. It sets up key conflicts and challenges for the character.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces fresh elements such as the protagonist's conflicted emotions and the setting of a drug trafficking operation. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and contribute to the overall realism of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 7

While the focus is primarily on Murphy, the scene sets the stage for his character development and the challenges he will face. It hints at the complexity of the characters involved in the drug trade.

Character Changes: 6

Murphy's character undergoes a subtle change as he prepares to confront the drug trade in Colombia. His sense of duty and determination are heightened, setting the stage for his development.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to come to terms with his duty and the choices he has made in the past. It reflects his deeper need for purpose and his fear of failure or betrayal.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to board the plane to Bogota, Colombia, and continue his mission. It reflects the immediate circumstances of his job and the challenges he faces in the world of drug trafficking.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

While the scene doesn't feature direct conflict, it establishes the potential for conflict and danger in Murphy's mission. The internal conflict and external threats create tension.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist facing internal and external challenges that test his resolve and morality. The audience is left wondering how he will navigate these obstacles and what choices he will make.

High Stakes: 8

The scene conveys the high stakes involved in Murphy's mission, as he prepares to confront the drug trade in Colombia. The personal risks and dangers add tension and urgency to the story.

Story Forward: 8

The scene effectively moves the story forward by establishing Murphy's mission and the challenges he will face. It sets up key conflicts and plot developments for the next phase of the narrative.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the protagonist's conflicting emotions and the uncertain outcome of his mission. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of how events will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the protagonist's struggle between duty and morality. He grapples with the consequences of his actions and the ethical implications of his job.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene has a moderate emotional impact, as it delves into Murphy's sense of duty and the personal stakes involved in his mission. It sets a serious and reflective tone for the story.

Dialogue: 6

The dialogue is minimal in this scene, with the voiceover narration carrying much of the emotional weight. It effectively conveys Murphy's thoughts and motivations.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense atmosphere, compelling characters, and high stakes. The audience is drawn into the protagonist's world and invested in his journey, creating a sense of suspense and anticipation.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a balance of action, dialogue, and description. It maintains a sense of urgency and momentum, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the story.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is well-executed, with clear scene headings, action lines, and dialogue. It follows the expected format for its genre, enhancing the readability and flow of the screenplay.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm of the scene contribute to its effectiveness, building tension and suspense.


Critique
  • The scene effectively ties Murphy's personal history to the broader narrative of the drug war, creating a sense of duty and urgency. However, the transition from the previous scene to this one feels abrupt. The emotional weight of Murphy's father's service in World War II could be more deeply explored to enhance the connection between personal sacrifice and the fight against drug trafficking.
  • The voiceover is strong in establishing Murphy's perspective, but it could benefit from more vivid imagery or specific memories that illustrate his feelings about the war he is about to engage in. This would help ground the audience in his emotional state and make his motivations clearer.
  • The dialogue in the voiceover is somewhat generic and could be more impactful. Phrases like 'these fuckers stepped on our soil' feel clichéd and could be replaced with more original expressions that reflect Murphy's unique voice and experiences.
  • The visual elements, particularly the wide shot and the over-the-shoulder perspective, are effective in establishing the setting and the characters' movement. However, the scene could use more dynamic visuals or actions that reflect the tension and stakes of the situation, rather than relying solely on voiceover.
  • The final lines about duty and readiness to fight are powerful but could be enhanced by showing more of Murphy's internal conflict or doubts. This would add depth to his character and make his commitment feel more earned.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief flashback or visual cue that connects Murphy's father's service in World War II to Murphy's current situation, perhaps showing a moment of reflection or a family photo that evokes nostalgia.
  • Revise the voiceover to include more specific details or anecdotes that illustrate Murphy's feelings about the drug war, making it more personal and relatable.
  • Replace clichéd phrases with more original language that captures Murphy's unique perspective and emotional state, enhancing the authenticity of his voice.
  • Incorporate more visual storytelling elements, such as showing Murphy's expressions or actions as he walks with Connie, to convey his emotional state without relying solely on voiceover.
  • Explore Murphy's internal conflict more deeply, perhaps by including a moment of hesitation or doubt before boarding the plane, to add complexity to his character and make his commitment feel more significant.



Scene 60 -  Vengeance Unleashed
INT. HACIENDA NAPOLES - ANTIOQUIA - DAY

La Quica reports to Pablo.

PABLO
They killed Poison? Where?

LA QUICA
La Dispensaria.

PABLO
Who did it?

LA QUICA
I think it was Carillo. He got there
early the next day. But that DEA
guy was there taking pictures.

Pablo smolders for a beat.

PABLO
Raise the bounty.

LA QUICA
On Carillo?

PABLO
No. I'll pay half a million for the
head of a DEA agent.
(then)
Fucking gringos.

Off Pablo--

FADE OUT.

(TO BE CONTINUED)
Genres: ["Crime","Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In a tense scene at Hacienda Nápoles, La Quica informs Pablo Escobar about the death of Poison, suggesting DEA agent involvement. Fueled by anger and a desire for retaliation, Pablo orders a significant increase in the bounty on the DEA agent, revealing his contempt for American authorities and escalating the conflict.
Strengths
  • Intense dialogue
  • Ruthless character dynamics
  • High-stakes conflict
Weaknesses
  • Limited character development in this specific scene

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is intense, gripping, and sets up a high-stakes conflict that will have significant consequences for the characters involved. It effectively portrays Pablo's menacing presence and the dangerous world of drug trafficking.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of Pablo ordering a bounty on a DEA agent's head is a compelling and dramatic development that adds depth to the story and showcases the ruthless nature of the characters involved.

Plot: 9

The plot advances significantly with the introduction of the bounty on a DEA agent, setting the stage for further conflict and character development. The scene propels the story forward and increases tension.

Originality: 8

The scene presents a fresh approach to the drug cartel genre, with authentic dialogue and actions that feel true to the characters' motivations.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters, especially Pablo Escobar and La Quica, are well-developed and their interactions reveal their motivations, personalities, and the power dynamics at play. The scene deepens our understanding of the characters' roles in the story.

Character Changes: 7

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the dynamics between Pablo and La Quica hint at shifting allegiances and motivations, setting the stage for potential character development in future scenes.

Internal Goal: 9

Pablo's internal goal is to maintain control and power within his drug empire. This reflects his deeper need for dominance and fear of losing his position.

External Goal: 8

Pablo's external goal is to retaliate against the DEA agent and maintain his reputation as a powerful drug lord.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is high, with Pablo ordering a bounty on a DEA agent's head, escalating tensions between the characters, and setting the stage for further confrontations and betrayals.

Opposition: 8

The strong opposition between Pablo and the DEA agent adds complexity and uncertainty to the scene, keeping the audience engaged.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in the scene, with Pablo ordering a bounty on a DEA agent's head, increasing the danger for all characters involved and setting the stage for potentially deadly consequences.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward significantly by introducing a new conflict, raising the stakes, and setting up future confrontations and betrayals. It propels the narrative towards a climactic resolution.

Unpredictability: 8

The scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected decision to target a DEA agent, adding a twist to the typical revenge narrative.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict is between loyalty to Pablo and the moral implications of killing a DEA agent. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs in loyalty and morality.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene has a strong emotional impact, evoking fear, tension, and anticipation in the audience. The ruthless actions of the characters and the high stakes create a sense of danger and suspense.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is sharp, impactful, and reveals the characters' emotions and intentions effectively. Pablo's menacing tone and La Quica's cautious responses add to the tension of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its high stakes, intense dialogue, and the escalating conflict between characters.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene builds tension effectively, with pauses and beats that enhance the dramatic impact of the dialogue.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting adheres to the standard screenplay format for its genre, making it easy to follow and visualize.

Structure: 9

The scene follows the expected structure for a tense confrontation in a crime drama, with clear dialogue and pacing.


Critique
  • The scene effectively conveys the tension and stakes involved in Pablo's world, particularly with the revelation of Poison's death and the implications for both Carillo and the DEA agent. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtext to enhance the emotional weight of the moment. Currently, it feels somewhat straightforward and lacks the layered complexity that could elevate the stakes.
  • Pablo's reaction to the news is crucial, yet it could be more vividly portrayed. Instead of simply stating 'Raise the bounty,' consider incorporating a moment of reflection or a visceral reaction that showcases his anger and desperation. This would help the audience connect more deeply with his character and the gravity of the situation.
  • The use of 'Fucking gringos' as a closing line feels somewhat clichéd and could be seen as a missed opportunity to explore Pablo's character further. This line could be replaced or expanded upon to provide more insight into his motivations and feelings towards the DEA and Americans in general.
  • The scene's pacing is effective, but it could benefit from a brief pause or beat after La Quica delivers the news about the DEA agent. This would allow the audience to absorb the implications of the situation before Pablo reacts, heightening the tension.
  • The setting of Hacienda Napoles is rich with potential for visual storytelling. Consider incorporating more descriptive elements that reflect the opulence and decay of Pablo's world, which could serve as a backdrop to the violent and chaotic nature of the drug trade.
Suggestions
  • Add more subtext to the dialogue to create a deeper emotional resonance. For example, instead of just asking where Poison was killed, Pablo could express concern for his own safety or the implications of losing a key player.
  • Enhance Pablo's reaction to the news of Poison's death by including a moment of silence or a physical reaction, such as clenching his fists or pacing, to convey his anger and frustration more powerfully.
  • Consider rephrasing or expanding Pablo's final line to provide more depth to his character. This could involve a more nuanced expression of his feelings towards the DEA or a reflection on the consequences of their actions.
  • Introduce a brief pause after La Quica's revelation about the DEA agent to allow the audience to process the information and build tension before Pablo's response.
  • Utilize the setting of Hacienda Napoles to visually reinforce the themes of power and decay. Descriptive elements such as the lavish yet crumbling architecture could serve as a metaphor for Pablo's empire and the violence that surrounds it.