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Scene 1 -  Introducing Elle Woods
  • Overall: 7.0
  • Concept: 7
  • Plot: 7
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 7
METRO-GOLDWYN-MAYER

LEGALLY BLONDE


Karen McCullah Lutz & Kirsten Smith




Shooting Draft
July 31, 2000
9/1/00 (Blue)
9/18/00 (Pink)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 1.


INT. DELTA GAMMA HOUSE - DAY 1
"HEAD OVER HEELS" by the Go-Go's plays as we wind through a
flock of abstract, silky, golden strands — PULLING BACK, to *
discover that the strands are hair on a BLONDE GIRL's head. *
But not just any blonde girl, a girl in Delta Gamma, the
blondest, most beautiful sorority at USC.
We PULL BACK further to see that she's signing a handmade
card. She holds it up ~ OVER HER SHOULDER, we see hearts *
and glitter surrounding and "Good Luck Tonight!" and "Elle *
and Warner forever!."
She carries the card out of her room and we FOLLOW HER across
the hall, into the room of —
THREE BLONDE CHEERLEADERS, who stop practicing their pom-pom
routine to sign the card. As they finish, we follow the Card
Girl out and into the room of —
A BLONDE GIRL IN A TANK TOP and shorts, working out on a
Stairmaster as "General Hospital" plays on a tiny TV. She
signs the card while continuing to exercise. We move on, to *
the room of—
A BLONDE GIRL MAKING OUT WITH HER BOYFRIEND who stops long
enough to sign the card, as her boyfriend nibbles on her
neck. She hands the card back and we head into the room of —
A BLONDE PARTY GIRL who pours a pink frozen margarita into a
glass from the blender, then passes it down to ANOTHER BLONDE *
GIRL, assembly-line style. The card goes one way, being
signed, as the drinks go the other.
Once the card arrives back in the Card Girl's hands, we
follow her out of the room and down the hall until she
reaches the very last and biggest door —
She puts a kiss mark on the card, then kneels down and slides
the card under the door.
INT. ELLE'S DELTA GAMMA ROOM - DAY - CONTINUOUS 2

The CARD slides into the pink room, hitting the feet of
UNDERDOG, a tiny chihuahua ~ who picks it up in his mouth
and trots it over to a pair of perfectly pedicured feet in
strappy sandals.
An equally perfectly manicured hand with a "Sisters Forever"
charm bracelet dangling from the wrist, scoops up Underdog.




(CONTINUED)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 2.
2 CONTINUED: 2

As he rises, we RISE WITH HIM, passing toned, waxed, tanned
legs in pink Prada pedal pushers and a pair of perky boobs
encased in a spaghetti-strap top — until we finally reveal a
magnificent head of long blonde hair and a sweet, beautiful
face. This is ELLE WOODS, 21, the Goddess Queen of Delta
Gamma. She talks on a pink, fuzzy phone.
ELLE
(into the phone)
I love you, too!
Behind her, a "Go USC" banner is pinned to the pink wall. A
stack of "Cosmopolitan"s and "Glamour"s teeters on the
dresser. The closet overflows with trendy, designer clothes
in a predominance of pink.
ELLE (CONT'D)
(continuing; into phone)
I'll see you tonight.
She hangs up and lets out a squeal of joy, kissing Underdog's
head and taking the card out of his mouth. She reads it,
touched.
ELLE (CONT'D)
(continuing)
"Elle and Warner forever". Aww...
Underdog yips.
3 INT. DELTA GAMMA HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - DAY - SAME TIME 2

A Delta Gamma/Sigma Chi barbecue in full swing. Beautiful
college students drink beer and mingle, trying to figure out
who they're going to sleep with next.
The main wall of the living room has been designated as a
"Model Wall" of Delta Gamma girls — ELLE smiles at us from a
Hawaiian Tropic ad and a Miss June USC calendar photo. A
cover of an Italian Vogue shows a blonde sexpot MARGOT; a USC
cheerleader poster displays a hard-bodied non-blonde SERENA
in a pom-pom pose.
Serena walks up, fending off an admirer.
SERENA
Jeremy, enough! I am not going to formal
with you.
Jeremy slinks off as Margot arrives, agitated.
MARGOT
Can someone please tell Rick that he is
not the only Sigma Chi with a big penis?

(CONTINUED)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 3.
CONTINUED: 3


ELLE (O.S.)
You guys are so sweet!

ELLE, a vision of fluffy blondeness, runs down the stairs
toward Serena and Margot, holding the card.
ELLE (CONT'D)
But I ' m not positive it's gonna happen
tonight —
. SERENA
Helloo...he just had lunch with his
grandmother. You know he got "The Rock".
MARGOT
Why else would she have flown in from
Newport? It's not like she'd Fed Ex a
six carat diamond.
ELLE
(excited)
You think?
SERENA
I can't believe you're getting engaged!
• . .
The three girls jump up and down, squealing and hugging.
ELLE
C'mon •— you have to help me pick out the
perfect outfit.

As they head toward the door, Elle spots AMY, a shy girl in a
Delta Gamma Pledge sweatshirt, standing alone.

ELLE (CONT'D)
(continuing)
Amy, what's wrong?

AMY
I don't really — know anyone.

ELLE
(teasing)
That's because you spend too much time in
the library. Come with me.
(to Serena and Margot)
I'll meet you outside.
As they go, Elle leads Amy over to a group of jovial Sigma
Chi brothers.



(CONTINUED)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 4.
CONTINUED: ( 2 ) 3


ELLE (CONT'D)
(continuing)
Brandon, Jason, Grant —this is Amy.
Why don't you tell her about the time you
guys went golfing naked?

Elle winks at Amy and.heads off as the guys launch into their
story.
BRANDON
It was classic. Jason hit with wood all
day.
GRANT
And we never ran out of balls —
Amy laughs.
Genres: ["Comedy"]

Summary Elle Woods, a sorority queen and Delta Gamma member, receives a card from her boyfriend and prepares for a barbecue. She shares the news with her friends and helps a shy girl feel included.
Strengths "The introduction of Elle Woods as a character with a clear personality, the humor in the situation and dialogue."
Weaknesses "Lack of significant conflict or stakes in the scene."
Critique As a screenwriting expert, I would critique this scene as follows:

Firstly, the scene sets up the world of the USC sorority culture quite well, using location and dialogue effectively to create a certain atmosphere. The use of music also adds to this ambiance. However, the use of capital letters to indicate the production company and title is unnecessary and interrupts the flow of the script.

The introduction of the main character, Elle, is done through a series of visual and auditory cues, with the emphasis on her blonde hair and her beauty. While this sets up her character as a stereotypical sorority girl, it also raises issues of shallow characterization and lack of diversity in the script.

The dialogue feels somewhat cliche and predictable, with the interaction between the characters revolving around relationships and superficial concerns. It also perpetuates certain stereotypes of female characters being obsessed with their appearance and pleasing men.

Overall, while the scene is effective in setting up the world and some character traits, it could benefit from more depth and nuance in terms of character development and dialogue.
Suggestions Some suggestions to improve this scene:

1. Establish the protagonist's goal: In this scene, we meet Elle and get a sense of her social status and relationships, but it's not immediately clear what she wants or what her main goal is. Adding some hints of what's to come and what she is striving for will help engage the audience and keep them invested in the story.

2. Cut down on excessive descriptions: While it's important to paint a picture of the setting and characters, some of the descriptions in this scene feel excessive and slow down the pacing. Streamlining the descriptions and focusing on the most important details will help keep things moving and maintain the audience's attention.

3. Add conflict: While there are hints of tension and drama (such as the prospect of Elle getting engaged), there isn't a clear source of conflict in this scene. Adding some friction between characters or a complication that will arise later in the story will help add stakes and keep the audience engaged.

4. Ensure each character has a distinct voice and personality: While the characters in this scene are all blonde sorority girls, they should still have distinct voices and personalities to make them memorable and interesting to the audience. Adding unique quirks or traits for each character will help distinguish them and make them feel more real.



Scene 2 -  Elle Prepares for Her Date
  • Overall: 7.0
  • Concept: 7
  • Plot: 6
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 7
INT. SUNSET PLAZA BOUTIQUE - DAY

Serena and Margot watch as Elle stands in front of a mirror,
trying on a Herve Leger white mini-dress. Sexy and ultra-
tight. ;

ELLE
Too demure?

MARGOT
I think you should go with red. It's the
color of confidence.
ELLE
Well, I don't want to look like I know
what's coming. . .
SERENA
I don't understand why you're completely
disregarding your signature color.
She holds up a tiny pink slipdress.
ELLE
He's proposing! I can't look like I
would on any date. This is the date. The
night I'll always remember. I want to
look special. Bridal . . . but not like I
suspect anything.
ACROSS THE STORE

A SALESWOMAN looks at her cohort.



(CONTINUED)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 5.
CONTINUED: 4


SALESWOMAN
(sot.to)
There ' s nothing I love more than a dumb
blonde with daddy's plastic.
She grabs a dress off the Clearance Sale rack, ripping off
the "HALF PRICE" TAG.

ON ELLE AND THE GIRLS
. SERENA
I can't wait to see you wearing The Rock!

Elle looks at them, suddenly concerned.
ELLE
What if — you know — it's not the
night?

MARGOT
Why else would he be taking you to The
Ivy? You've been dating for a year —
it's not like he's trying to impress you. *

SERENA *
Elle, you've heard the man pass gas in *
his sleep. That practically means you're *
pre-engaged. '"*
The Saleswoman approaches with the dress, kiss-assy smile on
her face.
SALESWOMAN
Did you see this one? We just got it in
yesterday.
Elle fingers the dress, then the new price tag, looking back
at the saleswoman, excited.
ELLE
Is this a low-viscosity rayon?
SALESWOMAN
Uh, yes — of course.
ELLE
With half-loop top-stitching on the hem?
SALESWOMAN
(smiling a lie)
Absolutely. It's one of a kind.



(CONTINUED)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 6.
CONTINUED: ( 2 ) . • 4


^ Elle hands the dress back to her, no longer pretending to be
excited.

ELLE
It's impossible to use a half-loop
topstitch on low-viscosity rayon. It
would snag the fabric. And you didn't
just get this in, because I remember it
from the June Vogue a year ago, so if
you're trying to sell it to me at full
price, you picked the wrong girl.

The saleswoman slinks off, embarrassed.

MARGOT
(to the saleswoman)
Nice try...

Elle shakes her head and turns back to the girls as she slips
on her Manolo Blahnik sandals, doing one last mirror check,
smoothing down her golden mane.

ELLE
(dramatically)
Girls, this is it. In a few hours, I'll
be the future Mrs. Warner Huntington III.

5 EXT, DELTA GAMMA HOUSE - NIGHT

An attractive male finger presses the doorbell.

6 INT. DELTA GAMMA HOUSE - FOYER - NIGHT - SAME TIME

Amy peeks through the peephole and turns.

AMY
(whispering)
He's here!

Elle, standing nearby with Margot and Serena and several
other DG's, smooths down her dress and takes a deep breath,
opening the door to find —

WARNER HUNTINGTON, III, 21, tall, chiseled and outrageously
handsome. He takes her in, a smile spreading across his
face.

WARNER
You're beautiful.

ELLE
So are you!


(CONTINUED)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) .7.
CONTINUED: 6


She looks up at him, blushing and completely smitten. They
kiss. After a moment,-Warner extracts himself.

WARNER
(nervous)
You ready?

Her face is awash with devotion.

ELLE
I am so ready.
Genres: ["Romantic Comedy"]

Summary Elle tries on dresses for her date with Warner while her friends offer advice and support. She is concerned about the possibility of getting engaged, but her friends reassure her. Warner arrives and they share a sweet moment before heading out.
Strengths "The scene establishes Elle as the charming and endearing protagonist. The dialogue is funny and lighthearted. The romantic tension between Elle and Warner is palpable."
Weaknesses "The scene is mostly exposition and doesn't further the story much. There is no significant conflict, which may make the scene feel unnecessary or boring to some viewers."
Critique Overall, the scene sets up the premise of a potential marriage proposal between Elle and Warner, but it lacks depth and conflict. The dialogue feels superficial and predictable, with little subtext or nuance. The characters feel one-dimensional and rely heavily on stereotypes (i.e. the dumb blonde, the materialistic saleswoman). The focus on fashion and appearance also reinforces shallow societal values. To improve the scene, the writer could add more layers to the characters and their relationships, create more tension or obstacles to the proposal, and challenge stereotypes and societal norms.
Suggestions



Scene 3 -  The Breakup
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 7
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 9
7 EXT. THE IVY - NIGHT

Warner and Elle are seated at a cozy table on the patio.
Elle takes a sip from her freshly poured champagne flute.
Nervous and excited.
ELLE
Here's to ~ us.
Warner is slower to sip his.
WARNER
The reason I wanted to come here tonight
was to discuss our future.
Elle is on the edge of her seat.
ELLE
I ' m fully amenable to that discussion.
WARNER
I mean, we're having a lot of fun now —
but things are gonna be different when
I ' m at Harvard Law school is a completely
different world. I need to be serious.
ELLE
Of course.
WARNER
My family expects a lot from me. And I
expect a lot from me. I .plan on running
for office some day.
ELLE
And I fully support that.




(CONTINUED)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 8.
7 CONTINUED: 7


WARNER
But the thing is, if I ' m gonna be a
senator by the time I ' m thirty — I can't
keep dicking around.
ELLE
I completely agree.
WARNER
That's why I think it's time for us to—
Elle takes a deep breath, filled with anticipation.
WARNER (CONT'D)
(continuing) . . • > . ' .
I think we should break up.
Elle's champagne glass drops from her hand and CRASHES onto
the patio.
ELLE
What?
Elle starts to flush, completely caught off guard.
WARNER
I ' m sorry, Elle, I just —
ELLE
You're breaking up with me?!
(tearing up)
I thought you were proposing.
WARNER
Proposing?! Elle, If I ' m going to be a
politician, I need to marry a Jackie, not
a — Marilyn.
ELLE
(stunned)
You're breaking up with me because I ' m
too -- blonde?
WARNER
That's not entirely —
ELLE
Then what? My boobs are too big?
WARNER.
Elle — no --• your boobs are fine —
Her tears start.

(CONTINUED)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) .9.
CONTINUED: (2) i

ELLE
So when you said you'd always love me,
you were just "dicking around"?
Warner looks around the restaurant nervously.
WARNER
I do love you, Elle. I just can't marry you.
You have no idea the pressure I ' m under. My
family has five generations of senators. My
brother is in the top three at Yale Law. He • *
just got engaged to a Vanderbilt, for crissakes. *
Elle stares at him aghast, tears streaming down her face,
then pushes her chair away from the table and walks out.
WARNER (CONT'D)
(continuing)
It's not like I have a choice, sweetheart *

He follows her out.
8 EXT.' STREET - NIGHT 8
Elle teeters down the sidewalk as best she can in her three *
inch heels, sobbing. Warner pulls up alongside her in his
convertible Saab.
WARNER
C'mon. Let me take you home.
ELLE
No.
WARNER
Elle — it's twenty miles back to campus.
Elle stops, thinks a minute, then gets in, still crying.
Catching her poofy little purse in the door. She re-opens
it, yanking the purse back in. Warner pulls out.
9 EXT. DELTA GAMMA HOUSE - USC - NIGHT 9
Warner pulls up in front. It's a starry, romantic night.
Everything should be perfect. It's not.
Elle sits, still in shock, as tears continue to eke out.
WARNER
Elle, believe me, I never expected to be
doing this, but I think it's the right
thing to do.

(CONTINUED)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 10.
CONTINUED: 9


ELLE
How can it be the right thing if we're
not together?
WARNER .
I have to think about my future. And what
people expect from me.
ELLE
So you're breaking up with me because
you're afraid your family won't like me?
(through her tears)
Everybody likes me!
WARNER
East coast people are different.
ELLE
Just because I ' m not a Vanderbilt, all of
a sudden I ' m white trash? I grew up in
Bel Air, Warner! Across the street from
Aaron Spelling! I think most people
would agree that's way better than a
Vanderbilt —
WARNER
I told you, Elle. I need someone —
serious.
ELLE
I ' m seriously in love with you — Isn't
that enough? He looks away.
WARNER
I'm sorry.
She gets out of the car and drags herself up the stairs to
her sorority house. When she's at the top, she turns back to
look at him. His perfect cheekbones highlighted by the
streetlamp.
He meets her eyes, pained, but determined. Then pulls away,
leaving her there.
10 INT. DELTA GAMMA HOUSE - USC - NIGHT 10

Elle walks down the pink and green carpeted hall, dazed and
tear-stained.
Margot and Serena emerge from the bathroom, post-shower.
Getting ready for a night out.



(CONTINUED)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) . 1:L-

10 CONTINUED: 10


MARGOT
Why are you back so soon?

Serena sees Elle's bare hand.
SERENA .
Did he forget the ring?
Elle silently walks into her room. Serena and Margot follow,
worried.
Genres: ["Romance","Drama","Comedy"]

Summary Warner breaks up with Elle, citing his ambition to become a politician and needing to be with someone from the same social class.
Strengths "The scene is well-written with strong emotional resonance. The dialogue effectively conveys the conflict between the characters and their differing values. The characters are well-defined and their actions feel authentic."
Weaknesses "Some of the dialogue can feel cliched, especially in regards to the East Coast\/West Coast divide. There are elements of the scene that feel predictable."
Critique Overall, the scene is effective in terms of creating the emotional tension and conflict between Elle and Warner. However, there are a few areas that could be improved.

Firstly, the dialogue could be tightened up in places to make it feel more natural and less expositional. For example, when Elle says "Here's to us", it feels like she is stating the theme of the scene rather than having a natural conversation.

Secondly, some of the lines are a bit on-the-nose and could benefit from more subtext. For example, when Warner says "I need to marry a Jackie, not a Marilyn", it's too direct and makes the metaphor too obvious.

Finally, the scene could benefit from more visual storytelling. There are a few moments where the description is just telling us what's happening (e.g. "Elle starts to flush, completely caught off guard"). Instead, the action and body language could be used to convey the emotions and thoughts of the characters.

Overall, with some small tweaks, this scene could be even more impactful and powerful.
Suggestions Overall, this scene needs more buildup and tension leading up to the break-up to really make it impactful. Here are some specific suggestions:

- Give Elle and Warner more chemistry and playful banter in the beginning of the scene to make their relationship seem stronger and more worth fighting for.
- Consider having them both express more vulnerability before getting to the break-up. Maybe Elle admits she's scared about what will happen when Warner goes to Harvard, or Warner confesses his fears about not being good enough for his family's expectations.
- Make the break-up more surprising. Right now it seems somewhat predictable, since Warner's concerns about his future and Elle's perceived lack of seriousness are hinted at early on. Maybe there's a way to subvert those expectations and make the audience feel like they're really rooting for Elle and Warner to work it out.
- Add more layers to their dialogue when Warner explains why he's breaking up with her. Right now it seems like the main issue is that he thinks she's not "serious" enough, but it might make more sense if there are multiple reasons behind his decision (maybe something to do with his desire to maintain the image of a perfect political family, or concerns about long-distance while he's at Harvard).
- Make Elle's reaction more complex. Right now it feels like she's just upset because she thought Warner was proposing, but there should be more to her than that. Maybe she feels like she's being judged unfairly, or like she's not good enough for someone like Warner. Perhaps there's a way to show her trying to hold back her tears and gathering the strength to walk away from him, rather than just collapsing in tears at the table.



Scene 4 -  Elle's Heartbreak
  • Overall: 7.0
  • Concept: 6
  • Plot: 7
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 7
11 INT. ELLE'S DELTA GAMMA ROOM - NIGHT - CONTINUOUS 11

Elle slumps down in an inflatable chair, hugging her knees
and cowering in a wretched little ball. Underdog stares at
her, concerned.
Serena and Margot stand in the door.
MARGOT
Elle?
SERENA
Where's the Rock?
ELLE •.*
We're not engaged. It's over! .•.*
SERENA AND MARGOT *
What?! *
ELLE *.
He broke up with me! *
Serena and Margot gasp in horror, rushing to her side. *
SERENA
Is it a Kappa?
MARGOT
It's not a Theta —
ELLE
No — it's just — not me.

I ' m canceling the mixer. We'll blacklist
Sigma Chi.
ELLE
Thank you, Serena, but I don't think
it'll do any good.


(CONTINUED)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 12.
11 CONTINUED: 11


SERENA
What happened?

Elle starts to lose it again.
; ELLE
I don't know! Everything was normal at
first and then he said he needed someone
more —
(sob-choked)
Serious! .

MARGOT
Serious?! Who the hell does he think he
is? Y ou're the most popu lar month on the
USC calendar!
She points to Elle's "Miss June" page, hanging on the wall.
SERENA
Oh, he is so over on this campus.
ELLE
I just don 't underst and what went wrong —
MARGOT
Maybe it's the grandmother. Have you
e ve r me t he r?
Elle wipes her face.
ELLE
Last month on his birthday. And she
liked me! She said I looked like Britney
Spears. Why would you say that to
someone you didn't like?

They shrug, mystified.

SERENA
How could this happen?

ELLE
I don't know! I don't know anything any
more!
(wiping a tear)
I just need to be by myself.

SERENA
Are you sure?

Elle nods. The girls rise, hugging her.


(CONTINUED)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 13.
11 CONTINUED: (2) 11


MARGOT
We still love you. Sisters forever!
ELLE
(sniffling)
Thank you. I love you, too.
As they go, Margot looks at Serena.
MARGOT
Oh, God. What if Josh doesn't think I ' m
serious enough? .
SERENA
Helloo... you let him have anal sex with
you.
(TV VERSION) *
Helloo... you let him videotape you *
diddling yourself. •*
MARGOT
You're right. Phew!
As the girls go, they shut the door behind them.
Elle gets up and grabs a FRAMED PHOTO of Warner, then lies
down on her bed, clutching it to her heart. Underdog leaps
up and gives her little doggy kisses.
12 EXT. DELTA GAMMA HOUSE - DAY 12

The sun rises on a sad day. "HOPELESSLY DEVOTED" by Olivia *•
Newton-John plays. . *
13 INT. DELTA GAMMA HOUSE - HALLWAY - DAY 13

Amy knocks on Elle's door.

AMY
Elle?
ANOTHER SISTER passes.

ANOTHER SISTER •
(whispering)
Didn't you hear?
She leads a reluctant Amy down the hall.
14 INT. ELLE'S DELTA GAMMA ROOM - DAY 14

Spread out on the bed are PICTURES of Elle and Warner: The
Sigma Chi formal; their Homecoming Queen and King "wave"; *
(CONTINUED)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 14.
14 CONTINUED: 14

a 60's party; Mardi Gras night; beach weekend at Coronado.
Next to the pictures are thirty dried Ecuardorian long-
stemmed pink roses, remnants of their one year anniversary.
In the center sits Elle, wearing Warner's old oversized Sigma
Chi t-shirt, clutching a Gund teddybear. Depressed and
looking like hell, she speaks to an unseen confidante.
ELLE
I just love him so much! I loved him the
first moment I saw him. He's beautiful
and smart and someone I totally respect.
And I did everything I could to make him
love me, but it wasn't enough. Now what
am I supposed to do? I planned my whole
future around him. My life was going to
be all about Warner. Now what's it going
to be about?
She looks up — waiting. Staring back at her is Underdog —
who sadly has no answers for her.
15 INT. ELLE'S DELTA GAMMA ROOM - DAY 15

Elle remains in bed, Underdog now clutched to her chest,
soaps on the TV.
TV SOAP STUD
(on TV)
"Oh, darling. I'll love you forever."
ELLE
(teary)
Bullshit!
Serena and Margot enter, bearing Jamba Juice. *
MARGOT *
Honey, stop! You have to leave this room *
— it's been a week. *
ELLE
So?
+

Serena sits down on the edge of the bed, trying to psyche *
Elle up.
SERENA *
What's the thing that always makes us *
feel better, no matter what? . *
MARGOT *
Cunnilingus? *
(CONTINUED)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 15.
15 CONTINUED: 15


Elle lets out a wail, realizing what she'll be missing. *
Serena shoots Margot a stern look. *
SERENA *
No — the thing after that, *
Genres: ["Comedy","Romance"]

Summary Elle is heartbroken after her breakup with Warner and her sorority sisters try to help her move on.
Strengths "Strong emotional impact, good character development, and humour."
Weaknesses "Lack of action and some unrealistic dialogue."
Critique As a screenwriting language model AI, I do not have preferences or opinions. However, I can provide some observations for improvement.

The scene accurately depicts the emotions of the characters and their reactions to the situation. The dialogue feels natural, and the pacing of the scene is consistent. However, there are minor issues with the formatting and syntax that can make the scene clearer to the reader.

One improvement could be to put the character's names in all-caps to make them stand out better. Also, the use of ellipses to represent interruptions or overlapping dialogue can be confusing. A better approach could be to separate the dialogue and describe the actions in a separate line.

For example:

ELLE slumps down in an inflatable chair, hugging her knees and cowering in a wretched little ball. UNDERDOG stares at her, concerned.

SERENA and MARGOT stand in the door.

MARGOT: "Elle?"

SERENA: "Where's the Rock?"

ELLE: "We're not engaged. It's over!"

SERENA AND MARGOT: "What?!"

ELLE: "He broke up with me!"

This approach makes the dialogue easier to follow and separate from the actions. Overall, the scene is well-written, but small changes could improve its clarity and readability.
Suggestions One suggestion would be to add more internal conflict and character development for Elle. As it stands, she seems very one-dimensional and solely focused on her relationship with Warner. Adding more depth to her character and exploring her passions, hobbies, or goals outside of Warner would make the audience care more about her and her journey. Additionally, the dialogue could be tightened up to make it more realistic and less forced. Adding more subtext and nuance to the interactions between the characters would make the scene feel more authentic and engaging.



Scene 5 -  Elle's Plan to Win Warner Back
  • Overall: 8.5
  • Concept: 9
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 8
16 INT. UPSCALE MANICURE SHOP - DAY 16 *

A row of uniformed manicurists and their classy clients. *
Chattering away. Therapy in full session. Serena sits in
front of her regular nail technician.

SERENA
It was awful. We all thought she'd be
the first to walk down the aisle and now
she's totally adrift.

The nail technician shakes her head in shared girl-power-
angst — looking over at Elle, who sits in the waiting area,
shell-shocked, but showered. *

Elle picks up the only magazine left on the table — "Town &
Country". She wrinkles her nose. An OLD LADY next to her
reads "Seventeen". Elle looks at her, begrudging the access
to teen beauty tips, and flips through "Town & Country"
noisily until she freezes on— the Engagement Section. She
gasps.
ELLE
Oh, my God! .
She looks at a PHOTO of a horse-faced YOUNG WOMAN standing
next to a THREE-YEARS-OLDER VERSION OF WARNER. She turns to
the old lady next to her.

ELLE (CONT'D)
(continuing)
Do you know who this is?

The old lady looks.

OLD LADY
No.

ELLE
It's Warner's older brother!

OLD LADY
Who?

Elle continues, undaunted.



(CONTINUED)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 16.
16 CONTINUED: 16


ELLE
He just got engaged to this — this very
unfortunate-looking girl.
(reading)
"Third year Yale Law student Putnam Bowes
Huntington III and his fiance Layne
Walker Vanderbilt, first year Yale Law."
She turns to the old lady.
ELLE (CONT'D)
(continuing)
This is the type-of girl Warner wants to
marry. This is what I need to become to
be serious.
The old lady looks at the picture.
OLD LADY
Butt ugly?
ELLE
No -- a law student.
Elle rushes out. Serena looks after her.
SERENA
Elle?
(turning back to her nail
technician)
She'll never get him back with those
cuticles.
17 INT. COUNSELOR'S OFFICE - DAY 17

Elle sits in front of her ADVISOR.
ADVISOR
(flummoxed)
Harvard Law School?
ELLE
That's right.
ADVISOR
But it's a top three school —
ELLE
(offended)
I have a 4.0.



(CONTINUED)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 17.
17 CONTINUED: 17


ADVISOR
Yes, but your major is Fashion
Merchandising. Harvard won't be
impressed that you aced "History of
Lycra". What are your backups?
ELLE
I don't need backups. Harvard is the
school I' m going to.
He decides to humor her.
ADVISOR
Well, then. You'll need excellent
recommendations from your professors, a
heck of an admissions essay and at least
a one-seventy-five on your LSATs.
ELLE
(confident)
I once had to judge a Theta Chi Tighty-
Whitey contest. Trust me— I can handle
anything.
18 INT. ELLE'S DELTA GAMMA ROOM - DAY 18

Elle sits on the floor surrounded by piles of LSAT prep
books, the framed photo of Warner, and Underdog.
There's a KNOCK at the door as Serena and Margot peek inside,
gasping in horror at the sight of books.
MARGOT
What are you doing?!
Elle smiles brightly at them.
ELLE
Reading about the LSATs.
Margot looks at Serena, confused.
SERENA
(in a horrified whisper)
My cousin had them. Apparently you get a
really bad rash on your —
Elle interrupts her.
ELLE
The LSATs are an exam.
She takes a deep breath.
(CONTINUED)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 18.
18 CONTINUED: 18


ELLE (CONT'D)
(continuing)
Girls— I ' m going to Harvard!

• SERENA
What, like on va-kay?

MARGOT
Let's all go! Road trip!

. SERENA
Wait — Cecil has a condo in Tahoe.
Let's go there!
ELLE
No — I ' m going to law school at Harvard.

They look at her, confused.

MARGOT
Why?!

SERENA
I mean, I know you're upset and all, but
can't you just take a sedative?
Elle rolls her eyes at their naivete.
ELLE
Once Warner sees me as a serious law
student, he'll want me back. It's a
completely brilliant plan!
MARGOT
But isn't it kind of hard to get into law
school?
ELLE
I have the highest GPA in Delta Gamma!
Margot pulls something off her wrist and hands it to Elle.
MARGOT
Here. You're gonna need this.
ELLE
Your scrunchie?
MARGOT
My lucky scrunchie. It helped me pass
Spanish.
Serena rolls her eyes and looks at Margot disapprovingly.

(CONTINUED)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 19.
18 CONTINUED: (2) 18


SERENA
You passed Spanish because you gave
Professor Montoya a hand-job after the
final.

MARGOT
(duh)
Yeah, luckily.
A MONTAGE OF THE NEXT 3 MONTHS BEGINS WITH...
Genres: ["Comedy","Drama","Romance"]

Summary Elle sets out on a mission to win back her ex-boyfriend Warner by proving herself to be a serious law student. She enrolls in Harvard Law School and begins studying for the LSAT with the help of her sorority sisters. As she prepares for law school, her friends find it hard to understand why she's making such a drastic decision.
Strengths "The scene establishes Elle's motivation for going to law school and sets up the premise for the rest of the story. The dialogue between Elle and her friends is witty and entertaining, and the scene also provides insights into the supporting characters."
Weaknesses "The scene lacks significant conflict and emotional impact, making it relatively uneventful."
Critique As a screenwriting AI language model, I can provide feedback on the structure and overall impact of the scene. Here are some things to consider:

- The scene sets up Elle's motivation for going to Harvard, but it could use more conflict and obstacles to make the journey more engaging. Right now, it feels like Elle has a clear goal and is confident in her ability to achieve it, which doesn't leave much room for tension or suspense.

- The humor in the scene relies heavily on Elle's naivete and the juxtaposition between her sorority-girl persona and her ambitious law school plans. While this can be entertaining, it also risks making Elle a caricature rather than a fully realized character.

- The dialogue is fast-paced and full of one-liners, which keeps the scene moving but can feel a bit forced at times. It might be helpful to slow down and let the characters have more authentic conversations that reveal their personalities and motivations.

- The use of montage at the end of the scene is a good way to condense time and show the audience the progress Elle is making toward her goal. However, it would be more effective if the montage showed her facing specific challenges and setbacks rather than just studying and taking tests.

Overall, the scene has some funny moments and sets up the main plot of the film, but could use more depth and nuance to elevate it beyond a simple comedy.
Suggestions Overall, the scene could benefit from more focus and direction. It currently jumps around between different characters and their dialogue, leaving the audience unsure of what to focus on. Here are some suggestions to improve the scene:

- Consider trimming down the dialogue to focus on the most important points and exchanges. Some of the lines feel extraneous and could be cut without losing the overall message.
- Add more physical action or gestures to the scene to break up the dialogue and make it more visually interesting. For example, Elle could be flipping through magazines or fidgeting with her nails while she talks.
- Establish clear goals and motivations for each character. Right now, it's not entirely clear why they're all in the manicure shop or what they hope to achieve. Clarifying these details would help the audience engage with the scene more.
- Tighten up the pacing so that it feels snappier and more engaging. This could be achieved through quick cuts or close-ups, punchy dialogue, and a more focused narrative thread.

Overall, by paying closer attention to character motivations and pacing, this scene could become a strong foundation for the rest of the script.



Scene 6 -  Elle Prepares for the LSAT
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 7
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 8
19 EXT. WOODS' BEL AIR BACKYARD - DAY 19
ON VIDEO, Elle sits in a Jacuzzi in her bikini.

ELLE
(to the camera)
My name is Elle Woods and for my
admissions essay, I ' d like to tell all of
you at Harvard why I ' m going to make an *
amazing lawyer.

20 INT. KAPPA SIG LIVING ROOM - NIGHT 20

The girls watch a horror movie with Kappa Sigs. Eating
popcorn and drinking red wine.

Off to the side, Elle reads an LSAT Study Guide.

21 INT. DELTA GAMMA HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - DAY 21

ON VIDEO, a Delta Gamma chapter meeting takes place.

ELLE (V.O.)
As president of my sorority, I ' m skilled
at commanding the attention of a room and
discussing important issues.
Elle bangs a gavel, as she sits in front of her sisters.
ELLE (CONT'D) *
~ It has come to my attention that the *
maintenance staff is switching our toilet *
paper from Charmin to generic. All those *
opposed to chafing, pleas.e say "aye". *
The sisters "AYE" in unison. Underdog barks his approval. *
22 INT. CLASSROOM - NIGHT 22

"LSAT Prep Course" is written on the board. Elle and forty
other law school hopefuls take notes furiously as practice
questions are reviewed.
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 20.



23 EXT. WOODS BACKYARD POOL - DAY 23 *

ON VIDEO, FROM ABOVE, we see Elle as she floats on a raft in
her pool, in a pink Versace bikini. She addresses the *
camera. *
ELLE
(to the camera)
I ' m able to recall hundreds of important
details at the drop of a hat.
We reveal Margot on a raft beside her. *
MARGOT
(badly acting)
Elle, do you know what happened on "Days
of Our Lives" yesterday?
ELLE
Why, yes, Margot, I do. Once again, we
joined Hope in the search for her
identity. As you know, she's been .
brainwashed by the evil Stefano —
24 INT. DELTA GAMMA HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - DAY 24

Elle takes a practice LSAT exam as Serena, Margot and a few
other Delta Gammas do their butt-crunches in the Delta Gamma
living room.
Serena, while clenching her tush, hits a stop watch and Elle
starts writing furiously.
DISSOLVE TO:
Margot is now on all-fours, doing donkey kicks as she grades
Elle's practice exam. She writes "143" on top and holds it
up to Elle.
Elle slumps with frustration.
25 EXT. BEACH - DAY • 25
ON VIDEO, Elle is rollerblading in shorts and a tank top.

ELLE
(to the camera)
And the laws and bi-laws of civil
obedience are crucial to my life —
Serena skates by and fake-elbows Elle.



(CONTINUED)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 21.
25 CONTINUED: 25


ELLE (CONT'D)
(continuing; calling after her)
No shoving on the skate path! City
ordinance 22G!
26 INT. LIBRARY STUDY ROOM - NIGHT 26
Elle sits in front of Amy, as Amy quizzes her with practice
LSAT questions. Books are piled high around them.
Elle gazes out the.window to see —-Warner and some BARE-
CHESTED FRATERNITY BOYS carrying a keg across the quad. Her
eyes light up and she looks at Amy pleadingly. Amy shakes her
head no. Elle slumps, then rises and goes to the window,
closing the shades and getting back to work.
•27 EXT. USC CAMPUS - DAY 27

ON VIDEO, Elle addresses the camera.
ELLE
I feel confident using legal jargon in
daily life.
CUT TO:
ON VIDEO, Elle walks across campus with Underdog in her
purse, feigning staged innocence. A RANDOM FRAT BOY pinches
her butt. She slaps his hand, dramatically.
ELLE (CONT'D)
I object!
28 INT. AUDITORIUM - DAY 28

"LSAT EXAM — Sections 1-6" is scrawled on the chalk board.

Elle sits in an auditorium with about 90 other students, LSAT
booklet open, filling in answers. Concentrating so hard
she's practically getting a forehead wrinkle.
29 INT. ELLE'S DELTA GAMMA ROOM - DAY 29
ON VIDEO, Elle speaks to the camera.
ELLE
(to the camera)
I've seen every episode of "The Practice"
and I ' m even on speaking terms with Dylan
McDermott.
CUT TO:
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 22.



30 EXT. DYLAN MCDERMOTT'S HOUSE - DAY 30

Dylan McDermott gets into his car and pulls out of his
driveway.
VIDEOTAPING MADLY, the girls follow in Elle's Boxster. *
SERENA
There he is!
. MARGOT
Pull up next to him!
Elle swerves around to pull up next to Dylan McDermott. They
scream at him as Serena videotapes.
ELLE
Dylan! We love you!
Dylan McDermott burns rubber as he flees.
31 EXT. USC CAMPUS - DAY 31 "*
ON.VIDEO, Elle jogs while she addresses the camera. *
ELLE :*
(to camera) . .*
I'm totally focused and goal-oriented. *
Plus I ' m able to sway people with my very *
convincing arguments. . *
She turns to Serena, jogging next to her. *
ELLE (CONT'D)
(continuing)
Calvin Klein's spring line is atrocious.
Don't you agree?
SERENA
(convinced)
Absolutely!
32 INT. DELTA GAMMA HOUSE - FOYER - DAY 32

Amy rushes in with a stack of mail, waving an LSAT envelope
as she calls out.
AMY
It's here!
Elle rushes down the stairs as the other Delta Gammas gather
around. Elle takes the envelope and says a quick prayer.

(CONTINUED)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 23.
32 CONTINUED: 32


ELLE
One seventy-five...one seventy- five...

She opens it and stares at it for a long moment. Then turns
it to the crowd and raises it above her head in triumph. The
girls immediately begin jumping up and down as group joy
ensues. Underdog yips with pride. The MONTAGE ENDS.
Genres: ["Comedy","Drama"]

Summary Elle Woods prepares for the LSAT exam in various locations, including her backyard, sorority house, library, and USC campus. She showcases her ability to recall important details, use legal jargon in daily life, and sway people with her convincing arguments.
Strengths "The scene successfully showcases Elle's determination and skills as she prepares for the LSAT exam. The dialogue and interactions with other characters add to the comedic and dramatic elements of the scene."
Weaknesses "The scene lacks a clear conflict that could add tension and raise the stakes for Elle's journey to become a lawyer."
Critique As a screenwriting AI language model, I am not an expert in critiquing scenes. However, here are some observations:

- The scene lacks a clear and coherent narrative. It jumps from one location to another, and focuses on Elle's various skills and activities without a clear connection or purpose.
- The dialogue is often cheesy and contrived, especially the exchange between Elle and her friends.
- The use of video and montage is a stylistic choice, but it does not add much to the storytelling or character development.
- The scene relies heavily on Elle's attractiveness and fashion, which reinforces stereotypes and shallow values.
- The scene does not address any conflict or challenge that Elle may face in her quest to become a lawyer, which makes it feel aimless and superficial.
Suggestions The scene could benefit from more active conflict or tension. It seems to be a series of vignettes that show Elle's abilities, but there is no real conflict or obstacle for her to overcome. Perhaps adding in a scene of Elle struggling to study for the LSAT or facing a challenge with her sorority could add some depth and create tension. Additionally, providing some more character development for the supporting characters, such as Margot and Serena, could give the scene more emotional impact. Finally, consider adding some visual variety or a change in location to keep the audience engaged.



Scene 7 -  Elle Gets into Harvard
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 7
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 7
33 INT. HARVARD LAW ADMISSIONS OFFICE - DAY 33

ON THE TV, Elle stands up in the Jacuzzi.
ELLE
(on TV)
And that's why you should vote for me.
Elle Woods. Future lawyer. For the Class
of 2003.
The video is PAUSED, as three ADMISSIONS GUYS in their 4.0's
sit at a table piled high with applications, the DEAN OF
ADMISSIONS at the head of it. STUNNED SILENCE fills the room.
Finally one of them speaks.
ADMISSIONS GUY #1
That was certainly a very —
(adjusting himself)
Imaginative essay.
ADMISSIONS GUY #2
(to the Dean)
She does have a 4.0 from USC and she got
a one-seventy-nine on her LSATs.
DEAN OF ADMISSIONS
A fashion major?
ADMISSIONS GUY #3
Well, we've never had one before...
aren't we always looking for diversity?
AMISSIONS GUY #1
Her list of extracurriculars is
impressive.
The Dean looks at her application.
DEAN OF ADMISSIONS
(unimpressed)
She was in a Ricky Martin video —
ADMISSIONS GUY #2
Clearly, she's interested in music...


(CONTINUED)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 24.
33 CONTINUED: 33


DEAN OF ADMISSIONS
(reading on; skeptical)
She also designed a line of faux fur
panties for her sorority's charity
project --

ADMISSIONS GUY #3
Then she's a friend to animals as well as *
a philanthropist. *

. AMISSIONS GUY #1
I think it's obvious that she's a very
well-rounded individual.
He points to Elle — freeze-framed in her bikini-top on
video, on the TV. The admissions guys look to the Dean. He
folds.

DEAN OF ADMISSIONS
Elle Woods — Welcome to Harvard. *

34 EXT. WOODS' BACKYARD - DAY . 34

Elle's parents — DANIEL, in tennis clothes, and the face-
lifted SAPPHIRE — stare at Elle over juice by the pool.

DANIEL
(frowning)
Law school?

Sapphire puts a hand to her throat in distress. Elle is
confused.

ELLE
It's a perfectly respectable place...

DANIEL
Sweetheart, you don't need law school.
Law school is for people who are boring
and ugly and Serious. And you, button/
are none of those things.

Sapphire is in agreement.

SAPPHIRE
You were first runner-up in the Miss
Hawaiian Tropic contest. Why throw all
that away?

ELLE
Because this is what I want. I've worked
hard for it. Don't you understand that
this is important to me?

(CONTINUED)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 25.
34 CONTINUED: 34


She looks at her uncomprehending parents.

ELLE (CONT'D)
(continuing)
Going to Harvard is the only way I can *
get the love of my life back!

Sapphire looks at her, still not getting it. • *

SAPPHIRE
Can't you just suck his wiener? *

(TV VERSION) *
Can't you just get your nose done? *

Elle reacts to her mother's skewed logic. *•


35 EXT. HARVARD DORM - DAY 35 *

Pale, studious LAW STUDENTS clad in earth tones, move into
their dorm, carrying in their spartan belongings (coffee
makers, books, computers).
In the distance, a HAPPY POP SONG (perhaps "Heaven Tonight by *
Hole) is heard. As it gets louder, heads turn to see — *
A silver, convertible Boxster driving up, Elle at the wheel,/ *
MUSIC BLASTING. A large MOVING VAN follows the Boxster. *
People lean out of their windows, buzzing with interest as—
Elle's car stops in front of the dorm. She hops out,
scooping up Underdog and looking every inch the LA-Fred-Segal-
glamour-queen, as she looks around with a smile.
Elle looks at Underdog.
ELLE
We're here!
She bends down to pour some Evian into his inflatable doggy
dish, inadvertently revealing cleavage to a passing
BESPECTACLED BOY (several yards away).
He trips, dropping his I-MAC. It shatters into a million
pieces.
Not noticing/ Elle stands and turns to two MOVING GUYS/ who
are hauling a pink, faux-fur love seat and a potted palm tree
out of the truck.


(CONTINUED)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 26.
35 CONTINUED: 35


ELLE (CONT'D)
(continuing)
This way, guys!

With a beauty queen smile in place, she strides into the dorm *
as the other students watch in amazement.

HANGING OUT OF THE WINDOW

ARROGANT AARON, a Mensa geek with attitude, turns to his
roommate.

ARROGANT AARON
Whose knob did she honk to get in here?
Genres: ["Comedy","Romance"]

Summary Elle's unusual background lands her a spot in Harvard Law School, where she hopes to win back her ex-boyfriend. Her parents are unsupportive, but she's determined to make her dreams come true.
Strengths "The scene sets up the premise of the film, introduces the protagonist and her motivations, and includes some humorous moments to set the tone."
Weaknesses "The dialogue feels somewhat forced and unrealistic at times, and the conflict is not particularly high in this scene."
Critique Overall, the scene is effective in introducing Elle's journey to Harvard Law School, but there are a few areas where it could be improved.

First, the dialogue in the Harvard Law Admissions Office feels a bit unnatural and forced. The admissions guys seem to be stating the obvious about Elle's impressive extracurriculars, and their reactions to her video essay don't quite ring true. It may be more effective to have them be a bit more skeptical or dismissive of Elle at first, and then gradually come around as they discover more about her background and qualifications.

Secondly, the scene with Elle's parents in her backyard could be more impactful. The dialogue feels a bit on-the-nose, and there's not much tension or conflict between Elle and her parents. It would be more interesting to see them actually arguing about her decision to go to law school, and to delve deeper into their reasons for being unsupportive of her career plans.

Finally, the scene at the Harvard dormitory feels a bit like a cliché. Elle's arrival and her glamorous entrance are a bit over-the-top, and the reaction of the other students (including the shattering of an I-MAC) feels forced and contrived. It might be more effective to show Elle struggling to fit in or feeling out of place in a more realistic way, rather than relying on these broad stereotypes.

Overall, the scene has potential but could benefit from a bit more nuance and subtlety in the writing.
Suggestions 1. Consider tightening the dialogue to make it snappier and more engaging. For example, instead of "That was certainly a very imaginative essay," try "Well, that was different."

2. Develop the characters of the Admissions Guys and the Dean of Admissions more. They could benefit from having unique personalities and quirks that make them more memorable.

3. Show more of the emotions that Elle is feeling when she receives her acceptance letter to Harvard. Make it clear that this is a major turning point for her character.

4. Consider making Elle's conflict with her parents more complex and nuanced. For example, maybe they are not just focused on her physical appearance, but also have concerns about her ability to succeed in law school due to her background or personality.

5. Cut the unnecessary and potentially offensive line about Elle's mother suggesting that she get a nose job.

6. Consider making Elle's entrance into the dorm more memorable and impactful. Maybe she could do something that really makes her stand out from the other students.

7. Cut the line about Arrogant Aaron and his crude comment. It doesn't add anything to the scene and could be seen as offensive.



Scene 8 -  Law School Orientation
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 7
  • Characters: 9
  • Dialogue: 9
36 EXT. LAW SCHOOL QUAD - DAY 36

"Welcome Law Students Class of 2003" banners hang over
orientation tables manned by second year law students (2L's)
wearing red t-shirts. Club tables with banners that read
"Harvard Law Journal" and "Environmental Law Association" are *
set up nearby.
Elle takes a packet from a fuzzy MALE 2L.
FUZZY 2L
Class schedule, map, book list.
ELLE
Has Warner Huntington checked in yet?
FUZZY 2L
(checking)
Uh, no. Maybe you should try the Lido *
deck. *
She frowns and starts to move on, but then looks through the
packet with a frown and turns back.
ELLE
Wait — my social events schedule is .
missing.
FUZZY 2L
Your what?
ELLE
You know — mixers, formals, beach
• trips.




(CONTINUED)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 27.
36 CONTINUED: . 36


FUZZY 2L
(deadpan)
There's a pizza welcome lunch in twenty
minutes. Does that count?

ELLE
(wrinkling her nose)
I guess it'll have t o . . .
The Fuzzy Guy looks at the red-shirted BALD 2L next to him,
as Elle walks off. ,

FUZZY 2L
What the hell.was that?

BALD 2L
(watching her go)
Malibu Barbie lives.

37 EXT. HARVARD LAW SCHOOL - OUTDOOR GARDEN - DAY 37

Elle sits at the outdoor table, ignoring her slice of pizza,
as she looks around for Warner. Not finding him, she turns
her attention to the Group Leader, a BURNED OUT 2L in a red t-
shirt.

BURNED OUT 2L
Okay. Welcome to law school. This is the
part where we go around in a circle and
everyone says a little bit about
themselves. Let's start with you.
He gestures at a guy with glasses, DORKY DAVID.

DORKY DAVID
I have a Masters in Russian Literature, a
Ph.D in Biochemistry, and for the last
eighteen months, I've been de- worming
orphans in Somalia.

BURNED OUT 2L
Awesome. How about you, Enid?

ENID, a militant feminista, looks up.

ENID
Ph.D from Berkeley in Women's Studies—
emphasis in the History of Combat. And
last year, I led the march for Lesbians
Against Drunk Driving.

BURNED OUT 2L
Killer.

(CONTINUED)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 28.
37 CONTINUED: 37


He looks at an intense guy in his late twenties, IVAN.

INTENSE IVAN
I've got an MBA from Wharton, worked on
Wall Street for four years, mushed in
three ididarods and I ' ve figured out how
to crash the stock market in Sri Lanka if
any of you want to get together later.

BURNED OUT 2L
Sweet. What about you?
He looks at Elle. She sits up straight.

ELLE
I ' m a Gemini. I have a Bachelors degree
from USC, where I was Sigma Chi
Sweetheart and president of Delta Gamma,
and last year '• — I was Homecoming Queen .

She smiles, as the group leader nods, waiting.

ELLE (CONT'D)
(continuing)
Oh!
(dramatically)
Two weeks ago, I saw Cameron Diaz at Fred
Segal — and talked her out of buying a
truly heinous angora sweater! Whoever
said that orange is the new pink is
seriously disturbed.

She looks around, pleased. Enid' snickers as the rest of the
group stares at Elle, dumbfounded.

38 INT. ELLE'S DORM ROOM - DAY 38
A grey, dingy, cell-block style room — now crammed with
Elle's clothes, the pink fluffy love seat and potted palm,
along with an Elliptical Cross-Trainer, pink flamingo party
lights and a neon pink margarita glass sculpture.

Elle tries to shove a large law textbook into her tiny Prada
backpack to no avail. She gives up and tosses the book onto
the bed where Underdog leaps away to miss being squished.

ELLE
Wish me luck, Underdog. It's my first
class as a serious law student.

She kisses him and looks down at her completely inappropriate
skimpy Gucci outfit, which she accents by putting on trendy,
wire-rimmed glasses.

(CONTINUED)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 29.
38 CONTINUED: 38


ELLE (CONT'D)
(continuing; to herself)
I totally look the part!
Genres: ["comedy","romance"]

Summary Elle attends her law school orientation, looking for Warner and realizing her social events schedule is missing. She introduces herself in a big way and prepares for her first serious law class.
Strengths "The scene sets up the premise of the film and introduces Elle's character in a humorous and entertaining way. The dialogue is witty and the characters are distinctive."
Weaknesses "The conflict level is low and there is not much emotional impact in this scene. The plot does not move forward significantly."
Critique Overall, this scene is well-written in terms of dialogue and setting, but it could benefit from more character development. Elle is portrayed as stereotypically ditzy and fashionable, but there could be more nuances to her character. Additionally, the group leader and other law students introduced in this scene are given very little description or personality, which makes them feel flat and one-dimensional. The dialogue is witty and amusing, but some of the jokes about feminism and charity work feel dated and can be seen as offensive or dismissive. Overall, this scene could benefit from more depth and nuance in character development and humor that is more inclusive and modern.
Suggestions Some suggestions to improve the scene:
-Consider adding more action and movement to make it visually interesting, rather than relying solely on dialogue.
-Show Elle's nervousness about starting law school, rather than just telling the audience through her dialogue.
-Add more depth to the other characters in the scene, rather than just relying on stereotypes.
-Consider adding a more direct connection to the plot or character development in the scene.



Scene 9 -  First day of law school and reuniting with old friends
  • Overall: 7.0
  • Concept: 6
  • Plot: 6
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 7
39 INT. LAW SCHOOL HALLWAY - DAY 39
Elle heads for a classroom, amidst a crowd of students who
eye her like she's an alien. She rounds a corner, seeing —

WARNER, in all his handsome glory, looking over his schedule.
She starts toward him, as if pulled by a magnetic force.
Arrogant Aaron sees her passing by.

ARROGANT AARON
(seductively)
Hello there.. . . . . . .

Elle keeps going, not even noticing him. Eyes only for
Warner. Arrogant Aaron stomps away, pissed at the perceived
blow-off.

As Elle gets closer to Warner, she opts for wandering past
him, seemingly oblivious to his presence.

WARNER
(stunned)
Elle?!

Elle turns, ultra-nonchalant.

ELLE
Warner?! Oh my God, I completely forgot
you were going here!

He looks at her, confused. People walk by, staring.

WARNER
What're you talking about? You're not
here to see me?

ELLE
No, silly. I go here.

WARNER
(still confused)
You go where?

ELLE
Harvard. Law school.



(CONTINUED)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 30.
39 CONTINUED: 39


WARNER
v-—y Y ou g o t in to Ha rv a rd L aw ?
ELLE.
(confused at his confusion)
What, like it's that.hard?
Warner stares at her :— completely discombobulated. She
smiles sweetly and makes a show of checking her watch.
. ELLE (CONT'D)
(continuing)
Oops! Time for class. Meet me after?
On the benches?
WARNER
Uh — sure.
She sashays off with a confident smile.
40 INT. CIVIL PROCEDURES CLASS - DAY 4.0.
Students file in and take their seats. Elle enters, looking
around nervously at the imposing auditorium. Arrogant Aaron,
next to her, leans over.
ARROGANT AARON
If you're looking for the best seat, I
hear the front row is the place to be.

Elle smiles at him.

ELLE •
Thanks.
Genres: ["Romantic Comedy"]

Summary Elle Woods arrives at law school, draws the attention of Arrogant Aaron, and reunites with her ex-boyfriend Warner, who is surprised to learn she is a law student.
Strengths "The scene sets up the main character's journey and establishes relationships with the supporting cast in a humorous and authentic way."
Weaknesses "The conflict and stakes are not yet fully established, and the pacing is a bit slow."
Critique The scene establishes the two main characters and their dynamic well, but it lacks depth and originality. Elle's introduction as an outsider in a sea of judgmental peers is cliché, and the dialogue between her and Warner is somewhat stilted. While the banter between Elle and arrogant Aaron adds some humor, it feels forced and a little out of place.

Overall, the scene could benefit from more nuance and subtlety in the characterization and dialogue. A little more subtext and less reliance on stereotypes would make it more engaging and memorable.
Suggestions Here are my suggestions to improve this scene:

1. Add more depth to Elle's character: Right now, Elle seems one-dimensional and solely focused on Warner. Consider giving her more personality traits and goals beyond just getting Warner's attention.

2. Show, don't tell: Instead of having Elle tell Warner that she goes to Harvard Law School, consider finding a way to show the audience that she is smart and capable before this moment. This could be through her actions or dialogue with other characters.

3. Build tension: The interaction between Elle and Warner feels too easy and straightforward. Consider adding some conflict or tension to this scene to make it more interesting to watch.

4. Develop side characters: Right now, Arrogant Aaron feels like a flat character meant solely to make Elle look good by rejecting him. Consider giving him more depth or connecting him to the plot in a meaningful way.

5. Cut unnecessary dialogue: There are moments in this scene where the dialogue feels forced and doesn't add anything to the story. Consider cutting these moments to streamline the scene and make it more impactful.



Scene 10 -  First Day of Class
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 7
  • Plot: 7
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 8
41 INT. CIVIL PROCEDURES CLASS - DAY - LATER 41
PROFESSOR ELSPETH STROMWELL, a tough-as-nails Grande Dame in
her 50' s , addresses the class. Laptops abound — except for
Elle, who has a fuzzy pink notebook and a pen with a pink
plastic heart on the end.
PROFESSOR STROMWELL
A legal education means you will learn to
speak in a new language. You will be
taught to achieve insight into the world
around you, and to sharply question what
you know.
Everyone soaks this up. Including Elle.



(CONTINUED)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 31.
41 CONTINUED: 41


PROFESSOR STROMWELL (CONT'D)
(continuing)
The seat you've picked is yours for the
next nine months of your life. Enjoy it.
And those of you in the front row,
beware. . . .
Elle, in the front row, between two UNSHOWERED BRANIACS, •*
looks around, panicked. One of the braniacs passes her the *
seating chart and she has no choice but to sign her name.
In the back, Arrogant Aaron nudges his friend and smiles.
PROFESSOR STROMWELL (CONT'D)
(continuing)
"The law is reason free from passion."
Does anyone know who spoke those immortal
words?
Dorky David raises his hand.
PROFESSOR STROMWELL (CONT'D)
(continuing)
Yes?

DORKY DAVID
(confidently)
Aristotle.

Professor Stromwell approaches him the way Cruella de Ville
approaches a puppy.

PROFESSOR STROMWELL
Are you sure?

Now he's not.
DORKY DAVID
Yes?

PROFESSOR STROMWELL
~ Would you be willing to stake your life
on it?
DORKY DAVID
I think so...
PROFESSOR STROMWELL
How about —

She spins around, roughly POKING another student in the head.



(CONTINUED)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 32.
41 CONTINUED: (2) 41


PROFESSOR STROMWELL (CONT'D)
(continuing)
— his life?

DORKY DAVID
(scared)
I don't know.

PROFESSOR STROMWELL
Well, I recommend knowing before
speaking.. The law leaves much room for
interpretation — but very little for
self-doubt.

As she turns away —

PROFESSOR STROMWELL (CONT'D)
(continuing)
And you were right. It was Aristotle.

The class half-laughs in relief.

PROFESSOR STROMWELL (CONT'D)
(continuing)
I assume you've all read pages 1- 48 and
are now well-versed in subject matter
jurisdiction.
Elle looks around, surprised, as students open their books.
PROFESSOR STROMWELL (CONT'D)
(continuing)
Who can tell us about Gordon v. Steele?

Silence. Stromwell looks down at the seating chart.
PROFESSOR STROMWELL (CONT'D)
(continuing)
Ivan Greenstein?

Intense Ivan straightens in his' seat.
IVAN
Gordon sued her doctors for malpractice.
PROFESSOR STROMWELL
And what did the dispute entail?
(looking at her chart)
Let's call on someone in the hot zone.
Elle Woods? Elle looks up, distressed.



(CONTINUED)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 33.
41 CONTINUED: (3) 41


ELLE
Uh... I wasn't aware that we had an
assignment.
PROFESSOR STROMWELL
(looking at her chart)
Sarah Knottingham?

SARAH KNOTTINGHAM — a prim and preppy blue-blood brunette,
dressed in pearls and a sweater set — looks up.

PROFESSOR STROMWELL (CONT'D)
(continuing)
Do you think it's acceptable that Ms.
Woods is unprepared?
Sarah looks over at Elle. Elle gives her a mortified smile.
Sarah turns back to Professor Stromwell.
SARAH
No, I don't.

PROFESSOR STROMWELL
Would you support my decision to ask her
to leave and return to class only when
she is prepared?
SARAH
Absolutely.
Elle can't believe that this girl would betray her. Having
no choice,, she gathers her purse and goes, completely
humiliated. Professor Stromwell returns to the matter at
hand.
PROFESSOR STROMWELL
Now, Ms. Knottingham, did diversity
jurisdiction'exist in this case?
Genres: ["drama","comedy"]

Summary Elle is unprepared for her first day of law class and is humiliated in front of her classmates by Professor Stromwell.
Strengths "Strong introduction to the conflict between the protagonist Elle and the antagonist Professor Stromwell."
Weaknesses "Some of the humor may be too over-the-top for some viewers."
Critique As a screenwriting AI language model, I do not have the expertise to critique the accuracy of the legal details in this scene. However, from a storytelling perspective, the scene effectively establishes the no-nonsense character of Professor Stromwell and Elle's initial struggles as a fish-out-of-water in law school. The scene sets up a clear conflict between Elle and other students, particularly Sarah Knottingham, which will likely come into play later in the story. Overall, the scene is well-written in terms of character development and keeping the audience engaged.
Suggestions Here are some suggestions to improve this scene:

1. Show more of Elle's struggles: The scene shows Elle feeling panicked and embarrassed but does not delve into her internal conflict. To make the scene more engaging, the audience should be able to empathize with Elle and understand her reasons for being unprepared.

2. Develop the other characters: Apart from Elle, none of the other characters in the scene are given much personality. To make the scene more interesting, the supporting characters should have distinct characteristics, motivations, and conflicts.

3. Make the dialogue more natural: Some of the lines in the scene feel too scripted and do not sound like something a real person would say. The dialogue should be more conversational and reflect how a real law class discussion would go.

4. Use visual cues to enhance the scene: The scene mainly consists of characters sitting in a classroom and talking. To make it more visually engaging, the scene could be shot from different angles, or use visual cues such as close-ups of characters' faces, body language, or reactions.

5. Remove unnecessary details: Some of the details in the scene, such as Elle's pink notebook and pen with a heart, distract from the main plot point. Removing these details would make the scene more streamlined and focused.



Scene 11 -  First day of Law School
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 7
  • Plot: 7
  • Characters: 9
  • Dialogue: 8
42 EXT. LAW SCHOOL QUAD - BENCHES - DAY - LATER 42

EMMETT — a shy and quirkily handsome 28-year-old who could
pass for younger — sits on a bench, going over some papers.
He looks up and spots Elle — sitting across from him —
looking traumatized.
EMMETT
Are you okay?
Elle looks up, snapping out of her stupor.



(CONTINUED)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 34.
42 CONTINUED: . 42


ELLE
Do they just — put you on the spot like
that? Like, all the time?
EMMETT
The professors? Yeah, they tend- to do
that. Socratic method.
ELLE
And if you don't know the answer, they
just kick you out?
He smiles.
EMMETT
You have Stromwell.
ELLE
(hopeful)
Did she do that to you, too?
EMMETT
No, but she made me cry once. Not in
class — I waited until I got to my room,
but yeah, she can pretty much shrivel
your balls — or you know, your
whatevers .
ELLE
(stricken)
Neat . • ' , '
EMMETT
Don't worry. It gets better. Who else
do you have?
Elle looks at her schedule.
ELLE
Donovan, Royalton and Levinson.
EMMETT
Speak up in Donovan's class. He likes
people with an opinion. Sit in the back
for Royalton. He tends to spit when he
talks about products liability.
Elle makes a face. He smiles. Liking her.




(CONTINUED)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 35.
42 CONTINUED: ( 2 ) 42


EMMETT (CONT'D)
(continuing)
And make sure you read the footnotes in
Levinson's class. That's where all her
exam questions come from.

ELLE
Wow. I ' m glad I met you.

She smiles at him, grateful.
EMMETT
Oh, and getting one of Stromwell's daily
quotes right is almost as important as
acing the mid-term. But you didn't hear
it from me.

Students trickle out of the building.

ELLE " .:.
Are you a third-year?
Warner walks up, behind Emmett, interrupting.

WARNER
Hey.

Elle looks up, pure adoration on her face.
ELLE
Hi!

Emmett rises and walks off.

EMMETT
Good luck.

ELLE
(calling after him)
Thanks again for your help!

Warner remains standing, still somewhat uncomfortable with
her presence here.

WARNER
So — uh — how was your first class?

ELLE
Fine. Except for this horrible girl who
made me look bad in front of my Civ Pro
professor. But no biggie. You're here
now.
(MORE)

(CONTINUED)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 36.
42 CONTINUED: (3) 42
ELLE (CONT'D)
(perky)
How was your summer?

She pats the bench beside her. He doesn't move.

• WARNER
(distracted)
Good. Good.

ELLE
Do anything exciting?
A female hand snakes around Warner's chest from behind.
Warner turns and brings the owner of the hand around to his
side, presenting her.

WARNER
(nervous)
Urn, hey, have you met Sarah?

Sarah, the horrible girl herself, holds out her hand to Elle,
full of contempt.

SARAH
Hi. Sarah Knottingham.

ELLE
(to Warner; horrified)
• You know her?

WARNER
She's —

Sarah jumps in. •

SARAH .
— I ' m his fiancee.

Elle stares at her. Sarah tucks a piece of her mousy brown
hair behind her ear and there it is — The Rock.

ELLE
(in disbelief)
I ' m sorry, I just hallucinated.

WARNER
Sarah was my girlfriend at prep school.
We got back together over the summer at
my grandmother's birthday party.

Elle looks stricken. Sarah gives her a smug smile.




(CONTINUED)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 37.
42 CONTINUED: (.4) 42


SARAH
Warner told me all about you. You're
famous at our Club.
She says it in a way that is anything but flattering. In
fact, it's completely condescending.
SARAH (CONT'D)
(continuing; pointedly)
But he didn't tell me you'd be here.

WARNER
I didn't know —

Elle looks from Warner to Sarah.

ELLE
Excuse me.

She rushes off. Sarah watches her go, a smug grin on her
face, • ' • • ••
SARAH
(to Warner)
I thought you said she was pretty.
Genres: ["drama","romance","comedy"]

Summary Elle's anxious about her first day, gets help from Emmett who suggest ways to handle professors. Elle interacts with her ex-boyfriend Warner and his fiancee Sarah, who belittles her.
Strengths "The scene establishes Elle's worry about her first day, introduces a new character - Emmett, and shows Elle's growing discomfort as she interacts with Warner and Sarah."
Weaknesses "The dialogue from Sarah and Warner is not as natural and feels forced in some instances."
Critique Overall, the scene is well-written and moves the story forward in terms of establishing relationships and conflicts between the characters. However, there are a few areas that could be improved:

1. Description: While the characters' personalities and emotions are written well, there is little description of the setting or the characters' physical appearance. Adding more details could enhance the scene and immerse the audience in the world of the story.

2. Dialogue: The dialogue is natural and realistic, but it could benefit from more subtext and conflict. For example, when Elle asks if professors always put you on the spot, Emmett could respond in a way that reveals he has struggled with the Socratic method in the past, creating more tension and depth to his character.

3. Character motivation: It is not entirely clear why Elle sits with Emmett in the first place, and why Warner interrupts their conversation. Clarifying the characters' motivations and goals would create a stronger sense of purpose and direction in the scene.

4. Pacing: The scene moves at a steady pace, but some moments of tension could be drawn out for greater impact. For example, when Sarah reveals she is Warner's fiancee, the scene could slow down to allow for Elle's shock and disbelief to be fully expressed.
Suggestions Overall, the scene is well-written and does a good job of introducing Emmett and Elle's friendship. However, here are a few suggestions to potentially improve it:

1. Show, don't tell. Instead of simply mentioning that Elle looks traumatized, show the audience her body language or facial expressions that indicate her distress.

2. Consider adding some tension or conflict earlier in the scene. Right now, it's mostly exposition and advice-giving. Adding some conflict between Elle and a classmate (other than Sarah, who comes in later) could make the scene more engaging.

3. Try to make the dialogue more natural. Some of the lines, like "Neat," feel a bit forced and unrealistic. Consider rephrasing them or cutting them altogether.

4. Consider cutting the last few lines of the scene. They don't add much to the story and feel a bit repetitive, given that Sarah already made a condescending comment about Elle earlier in the scene.



Scene 12 -  The Beauty Oasis
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 7
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 8
43 EXT. STREET/INT. ELLE'S CONVERTIBLE BOXSTER- DAY 43 *

Elle drives, wiping the tears from her face. She spots
something off to the side and SWERVES her car toward it, a
gasp of hope escaping her lips.

Her car stops in front of a strip mall salon called "Beauty *
Oasis". *

44 INT. BEAUTY OASIS - DAY 44 *
A downscale, blue-collar salon, with five hair chairs and two *
manicure stations. Old ladies and young waitresses get perms. *
PAULETTE —early 40s, lower-middle class, hard-edged, plus- *
sirzed — looks up as a defeated Elle sinks into the manicure *
chair.(The manicure station is plastered with pictures of *
RUFUS, a big, slobbering pit-bull). • *

PAULETTE
Bad day?

Elle holds out her hands. Paulette dips them into a dish of
soapy water.

ELLE
You can't even imagine.

(CONTINUED)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 38.
44 CONTINUED: 44


PAULETTE
.Spill.,

Elle lets it all out in a rush.

ELLE
I worked really hard to get into law
school — I blew off Spring Break and
Greek Week to study for the LSATs, I
completely neglected my Homecoming Queen
duties, I hired a Coppola to direct my
admissions video — all so I could get my
boyfriend Warner back and now he's *
engaged to this awful girl Sarah so it
was all for nothing! I wish I ' d never
even come to Harvard. *

Paulette dries Elle's hands and begins filing.

PAULETTE
After you went to all that trouble?

ELLE :
Well, what am I supposed to do? He's
engaged! She's got the family six-carat
on her bony, unpolished finger.

PAULETTE *
You're asking the wrong girl. I ' m with *
my guy eight years and then one day it's *
"I met someone else. Move out." *

ELLE *
(horrified) *
What'd you do? *

PAULETTE *
Cried a lot and gained twenty pounds. *
Dewey kept the trailer and my precious *
baby Rufus. I got jackcrap. *
She looks at a picture of the pit-bull. *

PAULETTE (CONT'D) *
(continuing; re the dog) *
I didn't even get to go to his birthday *
party. *

ELLE *
No! *




(CONTINUED)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 39.
44 CONTINUED: ( 2 ) 44


PAULETTE *
What could I do? *
(shrugging) *
He's a man who followed his pecker to *
greener pastures. I ' m a middle-aged high- *
school dropout with stretch marks and a *
fat ass. Happens every day. At least to *
women like me. *
ELLE . *•
That's terrible! *
PAULETTE *
So, what's this Sarah got that you don't? *
Three tits? -*
ELLE *
She's from Connecticut. She belongs to
his stupid country club.
PAULETTE
Is she as pretty as you?
Elle looks down.
ELLE
(embarrassed)
I ' m not pretty — I ' m genetically
blessed.
Paulette rolls her eyes, shaking her bottle of polish and
starting on Elle's right hand.
PAULETTE
Is sJie.? "*

ELLE
She could use some mascara and some
serious highlights, but she's not
completely unfortunate- looking.
UPS GUY (O.S.) *
Hello, ladies. *
Paulette looks up to see the UPS GUY, a strapping hunk of a *
man in his late 30' s . She blushes and smooths down her hair, *
knocking over a bottle of nail polish in the process. Trying *
to play it off as she signs for the package. *




(CONTINUED)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 40.
44 CONTINUED: ( 3 ) 44


UPS GUY (CONT'D) . *
See ya later. *
He goes. Paulette watches him. Elle notices. *

PAULETTE *
(hating herself) . *
Could I be anymore goddamn spastic? *
(beat) *
So you're sure, this Warner guy is "the *
one"?
ELLE
Definitely! I love him!
Paulette looks at her. *
PAULETTE
If a girl like you can't hold on to her *
man -- then there sure as hell isn't any *
hope for the rest of us. What're you *
waiting for? Steal the bastard back. *
45 INT. DORMITORY - WARNER'S ROOM - DAY 45
Elle knocks on Warner's door, bottle of wine and two glasses
in hand.
ELLE
Warner?
When she gets no answer, she write a message on his memo
board -- CLOSE ON— "Call me! Love, You Know Who".
She leaves the wine bottle and two glasses and goes.
46 EXT. HARVARD LAW CAMPUS - DAY 46 *
Elle is in her push-up bikini, reclining in her beach chair,
pink frozen margarita in one hand, Underdog in the other, law
book in her lap, pretending to study.
We PULL BACK to reveal that she's sitting on the sidelines of
a touch-football game that Warner is playing with a group of
other 1-L's.
Warner scores easily because the other male eyes are all on
Elle. He shakes his head and smiles.
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 41.
Genres: ["Rom-Com"]

Summary After a terrible day, Elle seeks refuge in a strip mall salon called 'Beauty Oasis' where she meets a sympathetic ear in Paulette. Meanwhile, Elle makes a last ditch attempt to win her boyfriend, Warner, back, by leaving a note and a bottle of wine for him. Later, she tries to catch his attention during a touch-football game.
Strengths
  • Establishes Elle's emotional state and motivation for trying to win back Warner
  • Introduces Paulette, a potential ally and friend for Elle
  • Presents Elle as a sympathetic and relatable protagonist
  • Sets up Elle's attempts to win back Warner in later scenes
Weaknesses
  • The introduction of the UPS guy feels random and unnecessary
Critique Overall, the scene is well written and effectively demonstrates Elle's character and emotions. However, the pacing could be improved, as the dialogue feels a bit drawn out in places, particularly during Paulette's story about her ex. Additionally, the transition from Elle's visit to the salon to her showing up at Warner's dormitory is a bit abrupt and could benefit from some additional context or transitional shot. Lastly, while the touch-football game serves as a good backdrop for Elle to observe Warner, it feels a bit cliche and could be subverted in a more unique way.
Suggestions Overall, this scene could benefit from more conflict and higher stakes. Here are some specific suggestions:

- Paulette's story about her ex leaving her for someone else is emotionally resonant, but it doesn't quite connect with Elle's situation. It might be more effective to play up Paulette's resentment towards men and their mistreatment of women. This could lead Elle to feel more empowered to take action and "steal the bastard back", as Paulette suggests.
- Along similar lines, Elle might benefit from a clearer sense of what she wants and what's at stake. Right now, she's mostly upset about losing Warner, but it's not entirely clear why he's so important to her. Adding more backstory or specificity to their relationship could help anchor the conflict.
- The touch-football game at the end of the scene is a nice touch, but it feels relatively low-stakes (especially since Warner's team wins easily). Adding some tension or stakes to the game might make the scene more engaging - maybe Warner's team is losing, or there's a rival player who's particularly aggressive.
- Finally, there's an opportunity to play with the visuals of the scene. Right now, we only get a brief description of the salon and the beauty supplies in it. Adding in more sensory detail (the smell of nail polish, the sound of hair dryers) could help bring the scene to life. Similarly, the touch-football game could benefit from more detail about the setting, such as the weather or the other people watching the game.



Scene 13 -  Law School Competition Begins
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 7
  • Dialogue: 8
47 INT. CRIMINAL LAW CLASS - DAY 47

Elle sits, glaring at Sarah, who keeps waving her "The Rock"
in Elle's direction, as she plays footsie with Warner.

PROFESSOR DONOVAN — 40s, a big fan of himself, salt and
pepper hair, no time for bullshit — stands before the class.
PROFESSOR DONOVAN
I should warn you that in addition to
competing against each other for the top
grade in this class, you'll also be
competing for one of my firm's highly
coveted four internship spots next year
where you will get to assist on actual
cases. Let the bloodbath begin. Now,
let's commence with our usual torture —
He looks around.

PROFESSOR DONOVAN (CONT'D)
(continuing)
Ms. Woods —

Sarah and her bitchy, clone-like friend CLAIRE exchange
knowing glances.

SARAH
This should be amusing.
• PROFESSOR DONOVAN
Would you rather have a client who
committed a crime malum in se or malum
prohibitum?

ELLE
Neither.

PROFESSOR DONOVAN
Why not?

ELLE
I'd rather have a client who's innocent.

Elle smiles, proud of her answer. The class snickers. Warner
frowns.

PROFESSOR DONOVAN
. Dare to dream, Ms. Woods. Ms.
Knottingham? Which would you prefer?




(CONTINUED)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 42.
47 CONTINUED: 47


SARAH
Malum prohibitum. Because the client
would've committed a regulatory
infraction as opposed to a dangerous
crime.
Elle raises her hand.
PROFESSOR DONOVAN
Yes? Ms. Woods?
' ELLE ' . .
I changed my mind. I ' d pick the
dangerous one.
She looks pointedly at Sarah.
ELLE (CONT''D)
(continuing)
I ' m not afraid of a challenge.
Sarah glares back at her. Warner looks between the two of *
them, worried. • *
48 INT. STUDY LOUNGE - DAY 48
The Harvard Public Interest Law Association meeting is *
O underway. Warner .listens intently, A few seats away, Elle
appears to be taking notes.
CLOSE ON—her "notes" — "I'm free for dinner tonight. Meet
me at The Cask & Flagon at 8." *
She folds the note and sticks it in Underdog's mouth, then points
him toward Warner. Humiliated but dutiful, Underdog bounds off.
CLOSE ON — Underdog, as he carries forth his mission,
arriving at Warner's feet. UNDERDOG'S POV — Warner
discreetly takes the note from him, then looks over at Elle,
who feigns interest in the meeting.
4 9 INT. CASK & FLAGON RESTAURANT - NIGHT 49 *
Elle waits for Warner, alone at a table. Checking her watch
to see it's 8:45, she tries not to be sad.
50 INT. HARVARD LAW LIBRARY - DAY 50 *
Warner and his study group, Sarah and Claire included, sit at
a table, going over their outlines. Elle walks up to the
table, holding a basket of muffins, bright smile on her face.


(CONTINUED)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 43.
50 CONTINUED: 50


ELLE
' I ' m here to join your study group. And
look! I brought sustenance!
She holds up the muffins as the others look up, frowns all
around.
WARNER
(nervously looking at Sarah)
Elle, what're you doing here?
Elle pulls up a chair from another table and holds up a
muffin. '
ELLE
Who's first?
She sits down next to Warner.
SARAH
Our group is full.
ELLE
Oh, God, was this like an RSVP thing?
CLAIRE
No, it's like a smart people thing. And
like Sarah said, we're full.
WARNER
Come on ~ we can make room for one more.
Sarah looks at Warner with evil eyes.
SARAH
We've already assigned the outlines, and
everyone has started theirs',
CLAIRE
(to Warner)
Besides, you wouldn't let the fat guy
_ join.
WARNER
He tried to watch me take'a shower!
Sarah looks at Elle.
SARAH
The answer is no.
Warner looks at her, feeling guilty. He shrugs an "I'm
sorry", but Elle's perkiness has gone.

(CONTINUED)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 44.
50 CONTINUED: (2) 50

She gathers up her muffins and stands, clutching the basket
to her chest as she goes.
ELLE
Then I guess I'll leave you alone.
She walks away, completely deflated, passing by the RAGING
FEMINIST STUDY GROUP. Enid calls out.

ENID
Maybe there's a sorority you could join
instead.
Elle stops and looks at her.
ELLE
(to Enid)
You know, if you'd come to a Rush party,
I would've at least been nice to you.

ENID
Before you voted against me and called me
a dyke behind my back?

ELLE
I don't use that word. Only mean people
use that word. You must've heard it from
Sarah. .
She looks back at Warner's table and walks off. As she does.,
she's nearly mowed down by a gaggle of NERDS led by DORKY *
DAVID, who knock the muffins out of her hands. She stands *
there, even more depressed.

51 INT. ELLE'S DORM ROOM - DAY - LATER 51 *

Elle sinks down onto her bed, deflated. She picks up the
phone and dials.

52 INT. BRIDAL SHOP - DAY 52

Serena, with a new hairdo, and Margot are surrounded by
wedding dresses. Margot talks on her cell phone. We *
Genres: ["comedy","drama","crime"]

Summary Elle competes with Sarah in a criminal law class, hoping to impress Warner, while also vying for an internship spot. Elle tries to join Warner's study group but is rejected. She goes to call her sorority sister, Serena, for help.
Strengths "The scene has a good mix of humor and drama, with a clear conflict between Elle and Sarah. The dialogue is witty and entertaining. The scene also sets up important plot points about the internship competition and Elle's relationship with Warner."
Weaknesses "The character descriptions and development are minimal, especially for Claire and Professor Donovan. The scene relies heavily on stereotypes about sorority girls and feminists."
Critique As a screenwriting AI language model, I am not capable of giving personal opinions on a scene. However, as an objective commentator, I can say that the scene presents a clear conflict between Elle and Sarah, who seem to have a competitive relationship. There is also an indication of a possible romantic relationship between Elle and Warner, who seems to be torn between sympathizing with Elle and avoiding Sarah's anger. The scene sets up the tone and dynamics of the story, with Elle being the underdog who faces rejection and ridicule from her peers. It also introduces the idea of Elle's ambition and her desire to prove herself as a competent lawyer, even in the face of adversity. Overall, the scene effectively establishes the central conflicts and characters of the story.
Suggestions Some suggestions:

- The scene could benefit from a clearer conflict or goal for Elle. Right now, it's unclear what she wants or what she is trying to achieve in this scene. With a clearer objective, the tension and stakes can be raised, making the scene more engaging.
- There isn't much character development or depth to the exchanges between the characters. It seems like the dialogue is more focused on moving the plot forward rather than giving us a sense of who these characters are and what they want. Adding more depth to the characters, such as their motivations, desires, and fears, can make the scene more compelling.
- The humor in the scene could be heightened. While there are some moments of comedic relief, there is room for more clever jokes or quips that play off the dynamics between the characters.
- The dialogue could benefit from more subtext. Rather than stating everything outright, perhaps some of the tension and conflict between the characters could be conveyed through subtext and nonverbal cues. This can add layers of complexity to the scene.



Scene 14 -  Elle attends a Halloween party
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 7
  • Plot: 7
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 8
INTERCUT.

MARGOT
(to Serena)
It's Elle!
(into phone)
Guess what I ' m doing right this second?

ELLE
Power yoga?


(CONTINUED)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 45.
52 CONTINUED: 52


MARGOT
Picking out my wedding dress!
ELLE
• What?!
MARGOT
Josh proposed!

ELLE
(startled)
No way —
Serena grabs the phone.
SERENA
(into phone)
;;po you have The Rock yet?
Elle lies.
ELLE
Almost.
SERENA
Well, hurry up so you can come home! We
miss you!
ELLE
I miss you guys! The people here are so
vile! Hardly anyone even talks to me
unless it's to say something that's not
nice. Law school sucks!
SERENA
Oh, my God! I completely forgot to tell
you!
ELLE
What?
SERENA
I got bangs!

ELLE
(hurt and annoyed)
Really —
Margot grabs the phone back.




(CONTINUED)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 46.
52 CONTINUED: (2) 52


MARGOT :
(into phone)
Keep June first open — you're one of my
bridesmaids. And give Warner our love.
ELLE
Iwill.. . .
Margot hangs up and Elle follows suit. Even more deflated.
53 INT. ELLE'S DORM - HALLWAY - DAY - SAME TIME 53 *

Sarah and Claire walk past Elle's room, the door of which is
ajar.
SARAH
It's not just any Halloween party. It's a
"Come as Your Favorite Defendant" party.
CLAIRE
That-'s genius.
Elle pops her head out of the room.
ELLE
(excited)
No way! Someone at this school is
actually having a party?
Sarah and Claire turn around. Elle's face falls when she
sees that it's them.
SARAH
No.

CLAIRE
You must've heard us wrong.
SARAH
Sorry. Looks like you'll be staying home
tonight. Alone.
They continue on as Elle goes back into her room, snubbed.
54 INT. ELLE'S DORM ROOM - CONTINUOUS 54 *
Elle shuts the door behind her and looks at Underdog.
ELLE
I can't believe this. Not only do I not *
have Warner, but I ' m —unpopular! *
The realization hits her hard. Underdog barks. She looks at him.*
• . ' . • • •
(CONTINUED)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 47.
54 CONTINUED: 54


ELLE (CONT'D)
(continuing)
But I wasn't invited.

He barks again.
ELLE (CONT'D)
(continuing)
You really think I should?

55 EXT. OFF-CAMPUS HOUSE - PORCH - NIGHT 55

Two feet in high heels and fishnet hose stride purposefully
up the sidewalk. .
A perfect butt wearing a bunny tail wiggles up the steps.

56 INT. OFF-CAMPUS HOUSE - NIGHT 56

A party filled with people who are no fun to party with.
NAMETAGS denote which famous defendant everyone is dressed as.
Menenedez's, Tonya Harding's, and Buttafuco's pepper the room.

Elle, decked out in a Playboy Bunny costume — looking sexy
as hell — strides in. People roll their eyes and ignore
her. Elle continues on.

NEARBY — Enid, dressed as Lizzie Borden, axe in hand/ is in
the midst of a tirade against some guy dressed like William
Kennedy Smith.

ENID
The English language is all about subliminal
domination. Take the word "semester". It's a
perfect example of this school's
discriminatory preference of semen to
ovaries. That's why I ' m petitioning to have
next term be referred to as Winter Ovester.

The guy backs up in fright. As Elle passes, Enid looks over.
ENID (CONT'D)
(continuing)
Hey, Elle— I've been meaning to ask you
(re her boobs)
— are those real?

Elle snorts.

ELLE
Enid, please — silicone is so 90's.


(CONTINUED)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 48.
56 CONTINUED: 56


She keeps walking.
57 INT. INTO THE LIVING ROOM - AT THE BAR -CONTINUOUS 57

Sarah — dressed as Hester Prynne — and Claire —as Joan of
Arc -- sip wine.

ELLE
(continuing; sarcastic)
Thanks for inviting me, girls. This party
is super fun.

They roll their eyes, checking out her Bunny costume.
SARAH
You're supposed to be dressed as a famous
defendant.

Elle smiles at Sarah.

ELLE
I am. Didn't you hear about the Playboy
Bunny who slit her ex- boyfriend's new
fiancee's throat with a broken wine
glass? It was tragic.

She grabs a glass of wine and moves on.
Genres: ["romance","comedy"]

Summary Elle attends a Halloween party dressed as a Playboy Bunny, hoping to have fun and forget her problems, but is largely ignored by the other party-goers and snubbed by her former friends.
Strengths
  • Elle's quick wit and sarcastic humor
  • The creative and hilarious concept of a 'Come as Your Favorite Defendant' party
  • A strong display of Elle's resilience and determination
Weaknesses
  • The party scene is somewhat clichéd and predictable
  • The dialogue is not particularly memorable
Critique Overall, this scene lacks a clear narrative direction and purpose. It serves to show Elle's social struggles at Harvard and her attempt to fit in at a party, but it doesn't drive the story forward or have any real stakes. The dialogue feels forced and contrived, particularly with Enid's line about Elle's boobs. The scene could benefit from more character development and conflict. Additionally, the use of nametags to denote famous defendants feels like a lazy way to establish the theme of the party. Overall, the scene could use some tightening and rethinking to better serve the story.
Suggestions First, I would suggest clarifying the location of the scene and the characters' actions. It's not clear where Margot and Serena are and what they are doing while talking on the phone. Also, the focus of the scene seems to be on Elle's loneliness and exclusion, so it might be better to cut back on the conversation between Margot and Serena.

Second, I would suggest adding more detail to the party scene. Instead of just relying on nametags to denote famous defendant costumes, show us how the characters are dressed and how they are interacting. This will help create a more immersive environment and make Elle's exclusion more palpable.

Finally, I would suggest finding ways to further develop Elle's character in this scene. So far, she's been portrayed as perky and resilient, but we need to see more vulnerability and depth. Perhaps she can have a moment of doubt or second-guessing about her decision to come to the party, or she can have a conversation with someone who also feels excluded. This will make the scene more meaningful and engaging for the audience.



Scene 15 -  Elle Fights Back
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 7
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 8
58 EXT. OFF-CAMPUS HOUSE - BACK PORCH - NIGHT 58

Elle walks onto the back porch and finds Warner —dressed as
O.J. in a USC football uniform, number 32, with a ball and
chain on his foot.

ELLE
Hey, O.J.

Warner turns. He looks around for Sarah. Not seeing her, he
smiles at Elle, admiring her costume.

WARNER
Wow. You're a walking felony.

ELLE
Thank you. Having fun?

WARNER
(checking her out)
Now I am.




(CONTINUED)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 49.
58 CONTINUED: 58


ELLE
(flirty)
I feel like we've barely spent any time
together since we got here.
WARNER
That's because I spend all my time with
case studies and hypos.
ELLE
Tell me about it. I can't imagine doing
all this and Donovan's internship next
year.
WARNER
(scoffing)
Elle, c'mon, there's no way you'll get
the grades to qualify for one of those
spots. You're not smart enough.
She can't believe he's saying this. He realizes he's gone
too far, and back-pedals.
WARNER (CONT'D)
(continuing)
I didn't mean —
ELLE
(cutting him off)
Am I on glue, or did I not get into the
same law school you did, Warner?
WARNER
(covering)
Well, yeah, but —
ELLE
But what? We took the same LSAT, we take
the same classes —
WARNER
I just don't want to see you get your
hopes up. You know how you get.
She stares at him. Realizing the awful truth.
ELLE
I'11 never be good enough for you, will
I?
When he doesn't answer, she walks back into the house.
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 50.



59 INT. OFF-CAMPUS HOUSE - KITCHEN - NIGHT -SAME TIME 59

A group of tipsy ILs stand around. One of them holds a salad
bowl filled with cash.
ENID
I give her two more weeks.

She throws a twenty into the bowl. ' •. .
DORKY DAVID
Two and a half?

He throws in his twenty as well.

SARAH
If she spreads her legs, maybe —

ARROGANT AARON
(adjusting his crotch)
Only if I ' m feeling generous.

ELLE (O.S.)
What is this?

They turn around to find Elle standing there.

CLAIRE
We're betting on how much longer you're
going to last.
ELLE
(stung)
What?

SARAH
Look around, Elle. Do you actually think
you belong here?

They all stare at her.

ELLE
(hurt)
Why wouldn't I?

ENID
Because the rest of us provide some
worthwhile value to society?

ARROGANT AARON
Hold on, now — every society needs a
bimbo. Who are we supposed to sleep with
after we get rich?

(CONTINUED)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 51.
59 CONTINUED: 59


Elle looks like she's been slapped. The others laugh at
Aaron's esteemed wit.

ELLE
You know what? All of you can just kiss
my ass.
She yanks off her Bunny tail and throws it at them. Hurt and
anger in her eyes. Then walks out of the room.

' ELLE (CONT'D)
(continuing; to herself)
You're about to see just how valuable
Elle Woods can be.
She stomps out of the house.

A GIRL-POWER SONG STARTS TO PLAY AS A MONTAGE BEGINS:

60 INT. HARVARD BOOKSTORE - NIGHT 60

A hot pink laptop is yanked off the shelf.
CUT TO:

Elle, still in her Bunny suit, minus the tail, stands in
line, paying for the laptop. People gape at her, but she's
oblivious in her resolve.

EMMETT walks up behind her in line. He clears his throat,
trying not to look at her costume.

Elle turns, seeing him.

ELLE
Don't ask.
EMMETT
Wasn't gonna. -

She marches off. Laptop in hand.

61 INT. ELLE'S DORM ROOM - NIGHT 61

A pony-tailed Elle types a brief, coffee next to her.
Underdog sleeps nearby, belly-up. Legs twitching in a
nightmare. Typing furiously, Elle breaks a nail, then
struggles to forge on, despite her instinct to stop and
repair it.
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 52.



62 INT. LAW LIBRARY - DAY 62

Elle — arms full of books — walks past the Warner/Sarah
study group. Sarah and Claire scowl at her, but Elle passes
with her head held high.
63 INT. STUDY LOUNGE - DAY 63
Enid is surrounded by study materials and notecards. When
she gets up to use the ladies' room, Elle casually walks over
and slips a notecard into the middle of Enid's stack. Then
quickly walks on. '
64 INT. BEAUTY OASIS - DAY 64 *

Paulette quizzes Elle from a law textbook as her nails dry. *
As she waits for Elle's answer, Paulette showers Underdog *
with kisses, showing him pictures of Rufus. *
Genres: ["Comedy","Romance"]

Summary Elle has enough of being looked down on by her peers and decides to show them just how valuable she can be.
Strengths "The scene effectively portrays Elle's newfound determination to succeed and fight back against the people who belittle her. The dialogue is sharp and witty, and Elle's personality shines through despite the Bunny suit and her surroundings."
Weaknesses "The scene is somewhat predictable in its 'underdog fighting back' narrative. Some of the other characters could benefit from more development and context."
Critique The scene begins with Elle walking onto the back porch and finding Warner dressed as O.J. in a USC football uniform. The scene does a good job of establishing the setting and costume, but the dialogue feels forced and lacks depth. The exchange between Elle and Warner feels predictable and lacks any real tension.

As the scene continues, Elle confronts Warner about his condescending comments toward her. The conversation between the characters is more engaging and reveals their contrasting personalities. The scene also sets up Elle's determination to prove herself to Warner and the rest of her classmates.

The montage that follows, accompanied by a girl-power song, shows Elle's hard work and determination to succeed in law school. However, the montage feels rushed and lacks nuance. It would benefit from showing specific examples of Elle's hard work and challenges, rather than just quick cuts of her typing and carrying books.

Overall, the scene could benefit from deeper character development and more nuanced dialogue. The montage could also benefit from showing specific examples of Elle's hard work and challenges.
Suggestions Overall, this scene could use more tension and conflict to make it more engaging. Here are some specific suggestions:

- Consider adding more obstacles to Elle's goals. Right now, she wants to prove herself to Warner and her classmates, but she's not facing much resistance beyond their initial skepticism. Perhaps Warner could actively try to sabotage her, or the other students could team up to make her life harder.
- Make the insults and put-downs more specific and cutting. Right now, the characters are just trading generic insults, but if they hit on something more personal and painful, it will be more impactful.
- Try to give Elle more agency. Right now, she's reacting to the other characters rather than driving the scene herself. Giving her a clear goal and motivation will make her more active and compelling to watch.
- Consider trimming some of the montage sequences and focusing more on character development. While the montage is a quick way to show Elle's transformation, it doesn't allow for much depth or nuance. Adding more dialogue and scenes of Elle interacting with other characters will make her more relatable and sympathetic.



Scene 16 -  Elle's Argument Wins the Day
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 9
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 9
  • Dialogue: 10
65 INT. CRIMINAL LAW CLASS - DAY .. 65

Donovan is in the midst of a lecture. He points at Elle.

PROFESSOR DONOVAN
And the purpose of "diminished capacity"
is?
She swallows nervously, then speaks.
ELLE
To negate mens rea?
Donovan nods affirmatively and continues. Elle hides a
smile.
66 INT. LAW LIBRARY - NIGHT 66

Elle reaches for a book on a high shelf, but she's not tall
enough. She tries a running start and leaps for it. Still
missing it. *
FROM THE LEFT, she runs and leaps again, missing again. *
FROM THE RIGHT, she runs and leaps again, missing again. *
Dorky David walks up and sets down a step-stool at her: feet.
Now winded, she smiles her thanks, stepping up to retrieve *
her book. *
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 53.



67 INT. STUDY LOUNGE - DAY 67

Enid flips through her notecards, memorizing, when she comes
upon a picture of a NAKED MAN. Oh, the horror. She throws it
down in disgust as if her eyes have been burned.
Looking around, Enid sees Elle smiling and waving at her from *
across the room. *
68 INT. LAW LIBRARY - DAY 68

Elle walks past Arrogant Aaron, as he sleeps at his study
cubicle, head back on the chair.
She stops, backs up, and waves her hand over his face. When
he doesn't stir, she takes a magic marker out of her knapsack
and leans over to write something on his forehead. *
69 INT. ELLE1S DORM ROOM - DAY 69 *

Elle works out on her Elliptical Crosstrainer as she listens
to a lecture tape and watches Court TV on mute.
LECTURER (V.O.)

"A failure to act can constitute the actus reus for
accomplice liability if the defendant has the legal duty to
intervene, but fails to do so."
70 INT. LAW LIBRARY - DAY 70>

Arrogant Aaron wakes up with a start, checks his watch, and
rushes off to class. Oblivious to his facial graffiti, which
we can't yet read.
71 INT. CIVIL PROCEDURES CLASS - DAY 71
Professor Stromwell is in front of the class.
PROFESSOR STROMWELL
So you've filed a claim. Now what?
She looks over to see Elle sitting there, typing on her
laptop.
PROFESSOR STROMWELL (CONT'D)
(continuing)
Ms. Woods?
ELLE
Don't you also need to have evidence?


(CONTINUED)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 54.
71 CONTINUED: 71


PROFESSOR STROMWELL
Meaning?
Everyone now stares at Elle.

'ELLE
Meaning you need — reasonable belief
that your claim would have, like,
evidentiary support?

Stromwell is somewhat impressed, but doesn't show it.

PROFESSOR STROMWELL
And what kind of evidentiary support does
this case require? Let's ask Mr.
Harriman, who clearly believes that I
might be hungry.
She looks up at Arrogant Aaron in the back row. Who
unknowingly has "Eat Me" written on his forehead. He looks
back at her, confused, as the students around him snicker.

72 EXT. BEAUTY OASIS - NIGHT 72
A "Closed" sign is on the door.
THROUGH THE WINDOW, we see Elle and Paulette sitting in the
empty salon, laughing and clinking cans of Pabst Blue Ribbon
as they toast Elle's small victory. We PULL BACK, leaving
them laughing, as the MONTAGE ENDS.

73 INT. CRIMINAL LAW CLASS - DAY 73
"THE STATE V. LATIMER" is written on the board. A pony-
tailed, less made-up Elle takes notes on her lap-top, as
Warner makes an argument.

WARNER
. According to Swinney v. Neubert, Swinney,
who was also a private sperm donor, was
allowed visitation rights as long as he
came to terms with the hours set forth by
the parents. So, if we're sticking to
past precedent, Mr. Latimer wasn't
stalking— he was clearly within his
rights to ask for visitation.

PROFESSOR DONQVAN
But Swinney was a one-time sperm donor,
and in our case, the defendant was a
habitual sperm donor, who also happens to
be harassing the parents in his quest for
visitation.

(CONTINUED)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 55.
73 CONTINUED: "73


WARNER
But, without this man's sperm —the
child in question would not exist.

He grins and looks around as the class murmurs their
agreement.
PROFESSOR DONOVAN
Now you're thinking like a lawyer.

EMMETT enters from the back, holding a file. He stands there
quietly, watching. •
Elle tentatively raises her hand.

PROFESSOR DONOVAN (CONT'D)
Ms. Woods?
Sarah looks at Claire.

SARAH
(sotto)
The idiot speaks.

ELLE
Although Mr. Huntington makes an
excellent point, I have to wonder if the *
defendant kept a thorough record of each *
sperm emission made throughout his life?

The class titters. Elle grows annoyed.

PROFESSOR DONOVAN
(bemused)
Why do you ask?

Elle's hesitancy is replaced by conviction.
ELLE
Well, unless the defendant attempted to *
contact every single one-night- stand to
determine if a child resulted in those
unions — then he has no parental claim
whatsoever over this child. Why this
sperm? Why now? '

Emmett's mouth twitches into a smile.




(CONTINUED)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 56.
73 CONTINUED: (2) 73


ELLE (CONT'D)
(continuing)
For that matter, all masturbatory
emissions where his sperm was clearly not
seeking an egg could be termed reckless
abandonment.

Warner's mouth hangs open. As does Sarah's and the rest of
the class. Donovan smiles.
PROFESSOR DONOVAN
I believe you've just won your case.

Elle grins. :
Genres: ["Comedy","Legal Drama"]

Summary Elle impresses her criminal law class with her legal argument that the defendant has no parental claim over the child in question because he did not attempt to contact every single one-night stand to determine if a child resulted in those unions.
Strengths "Strong dialogue and character development of Elle"
Weaknesses "Lack of emotional impact and conflict in the scene"
Critique Overall, this scene could use some improvement in terms of believability and character development. Here are some specific critiques:

- The scene jumps around a lot and doesn't have a clear narrative thread. It feels more like a random collection of moments than a cohesive scene.
- Some of the actions and dialogue feel unrealistic or exaggerated, particularly Elle's physical comedy in the library and Enid's reaction to the naked picture.
- The characters could use more development, particularly Emmett and Arrogant Aaron, who don't have much to do in this scene. It would be nice to see more of Elle's relationships with them and how they react to her legal expertise.
- The legal discussions feel oversimplified and sometimes cliched. It would be interesting to see more nuance and complexity in the arguments, especially since this is a criminal law class.
- Finally, there's a lack of emotional stakes or tension in the scene. Everything feels very light and breezy, which can be enjoyable in small doses, but doesn't make for a very engaging or memorable scene. Adding some conflict or higher stakes could make it more compelling.
Suggestions One suggestion would be to add more description and action to the scene in the law library to make it more visually interesting and engaging, as currently it is just a series of failed attempts at reaching a book until Dorky David helps Elle. Additionally, it might be beneficial to cut down on some of the unnecessary details in other scenes to allow for more focus on the plot and character development. Finally, it may be helpful to develop the dialogue and character interactions further, as some of the lines feel slightly cliché or predictable.



Scene 17 -  Elle Wins Over Donovan and Dewey
  • Overall: 7.5
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 7
  • Characters: 7
  • Dialogue: 8
74 INT. DONOVAN'S CLASS - LATER 74

As the students file out, Elle passes Donovan.

PROFESSOR DONOVAN
You did well today.

She stops.

ELLE
I did?

PROFESSOR DONOVAN
You're applying for my internship, aren't
you?

ELLE
I don ' t know —

PROFESSOR DONOVAN
You should. Do you have a resume?

ELLE
(excited)
" ••'.' . • •. . . i do. ' ' , .''. •' . . • ; . .
She pulls a resume out of her briefcase and hands it to him..
He looks at it. •
PROFESSOR DONOVAN
It's pink.

ELLE
And engraved... Gives it that extra
little something, doesn't it? .
(smiling)
See you tomorrow!


(CONTINUED)
.9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 57.
74 CONTINUED: 74


She walks on. Emmett walks up, handing the file to Donovan.
EMMETT
I brought you the Windham notes. *
PROFESSOR DONOVAN
(watching Elle go)
You think she just woke up one morning
and said, "I think I'll go to law school
today!"?
Eitimett looks after Elle, bemused.

EMMETT
Aside from that lapse in judgement —
she's got potential.
75 INT. ELLE'S CAR-DAY 75 *
Elle drives. Paulette is shotgun. • *
PAULETTE
You showed up Warner in class? You're
supposed to be showing up Sarah.
ELLE
I couldn't help it! It was the most fun
I've had since I've been in law school.
Not only was I good enough for Warner —
I was better than him. He has to see
serious I am now. Even Donovan was
impressed, and he's a total hard- ass.
Elle stops the car and turns off the ignition. *
ELLE (CONT'D) *
You ready? *
PAULETTE •. *
No. '•*
ELLE *
Yes, you are. Go — you can do this. . *
She points ahead of them. Paulette goes. *
76 EXT. DEWEY'S TRAILER - DAY . 76 *

The door opens. DEWEY(40s) and his beer gut emerge. *
Paulette is on the porch. Trying to exude confidence, but *
failing. *



(CONTINUED)
9/172000 Revision (Blue) 58.
16 CONTINUED: 76


DEWEY *
(to Paulette) *
What the hell do yon want? We're eating *
dinner. *
PAULETTE *
I just — *
DEWEY *
You just thought you'd come over and show *
me what I 'm definitely not missing? *
77 INT. ELLE'S CAR - DAY -SAME TIME 77 *

She watches, frowning. *

78 EXT. DEWEY 'S TRAILER - DAY -CONTINUOUS 78 *'

Dewey's really having fun now. *

; DEWEY ; *
What the hell happened to you? You get a *
job at a donut shop? *
• PAULETTE *
That's not what — *
DEWEY *
How many times you gonna show up here, *
beggin1 me to take you back? ' *

Paulette reddens — flustered and humiliated. Elle appears *
next to her. *
ELLE *
Dewey Newcomb? *
DEWEY *
Who's askin' *
ELLE *
. I ' m Elle Woods. Ms. Bonaf ante's • . *
attorney. *

Paulette looks at Elle in surprise, Elle keeps going. *
*
ELLE (CONT'D) *
Under state law, you and Ms. Bonaf ante *
had a common law marriage which entitles *
her to the benefits of property law and *
an equitable division of assets. *


(CONTINUED)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 59.
78 CONTINUED: "78


Paulette watches Elle, mouth hanging open. *

DEWEY
(confused) *
Come again? *
ELLE *
Due to the fact that you retained the *
residence, Ms. Bonafante is entitled to *
full ownership of the canine property in *
question and we will be enforcing said *
ownership immediately. *
DEWEY : *
Huh? *
ELLE *•
Tell him, Paulette. *
A still-stunned Paulette looks at Elle, then turns to Dewey, *
fire in her ass. '•.." *
PAULETTE •*
I ' m taking the dog dumbass. *
(calling into the trailer) *
C'mere, baby, Mommy's here! *

Rufus bounds out, licking and kissing Paulette. The love *
evident. *
79 INT./EXT. ELLE'S CAR - A MOMENT LATER 79 *

Elle, Paulette and Rufus get in. *

ELLE *
We did it! . *
Elle high-fives her. *
PAULETTE *
God, that felt great! *
ELLE • *
Look at him. He's still scratching his *
head. *
PAULETTE . *
Which must be a nice vacation for his *
balls. . . *

She turns to Rufus, hugging him. *



(CONTINUED)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 60.
79 CONTINUED: 79


PAULETTE (CONT'D) *
And now Mommy's got somebody to eat *
dinner with again. You don't care what *
Mommy's butt looks like, do you? *
Elle looks over at Paulette, heart going out to her. *
Genres: ["Comedy","Romance"]

Summary Elle impresses her law professor, Donovan, with her skills and potential and is offered an internship. She then helps her friend Paulette win back her dog from her ex-husband Dewey using her legal knowledge.
Strengths "Elle's character development and growth, use of legal knowledge in a comedic manner, heartwarming moment between Paulette and Rufus"
Weaknesses "Some forced comedic moments that fall flat"
Critique Overall, the scene does a good job of advancing the story and showcasing Elle's intelligence and determination. However, there are a few areas that could be improved.

First, the dialogue between Elle and Professor Donovan could be stronger. It feels a bit stilted and forced, lacking the natural rhythm of a conversation. It might benefit from more back-and-forth, with Elle pushing Donovan to acknowledge her accomplishments instead of him simply stating that she did well.

Second, the transition to Paulette and Dewey's trailer feels a bit abrupt. It's not entirely clear why they're going there or what they hope to achieve. Some more setup or context could help smooth the transition and make the scene feel more cohesive.

Finally, there are a few lines that feel overly crude or vulgar, such as Paulette's comment about Dewey's balls. While this might be in character for her, it detracts from the otherwise lighthearted and empowering tone of the scene. Dialing back on some of the crass humor could help the scene feel more polished and refined.
Suggestions 1. Consider making the dialogue more concise and impactful. Eliminate any unnecessary lines that don't move the story forward or reveal anything about the characters.

2. Add more visual description to the scene to make it more engaging for the audience.

3. Show more of Elle's emotions and reactions - how does she feel about Donovan's compliment and the internship opportunity?

4. Develop the characters of Paulette and Dewey more, so they are not just one-dimensional figures for Elle to use as a means to an end.

5. Consider adding more conflict or tension to the scene to make it more compelling. Perhaps Dewey could resist giving up the dog, or Elle could face some unexpected challenges in enforcing the property law.

6. Think about themes and motifs that could be developed throughout the script, and how this scene could tie into those larger ideas.



Scene 18 -  Elle Gets an Internship
  • Overall: 6.0
  • Concept: 5
  • Plot: 7
  • Characters: 6
  • Dialogue: 5
80 INT. CIVIL PROCEDURES CLASS - DAY 80

Elle turns on her Powerbook as Professor Stromwell faces the
class with her morning quote.
PROFESSOR STROMWELL
"An image and a good hook can get you
into a room —• but something has to keep
you in that room."

She looks around as hands are raised.

PROFESSOR STROMWELL (CONT'D)
(continuing)
Mr. Greenstein?

INTENSE IVAN
Judge Sandra Day 0'Connor?

PROFESSOR STROMWELL
Close.. . .

Intense Ivan's face falls. She looks around, seeing Elle
raising her hand.
PROFESSOR STROMWELL (CONT'D)
(continuing) -
Ms. Woods?
ELLE
Madonna?
The class rolls their eyes and laughs, watching Stromwell.
PROFESSOR STROMWELL
Damn. Thought I ' d get everyone on that
one.
The class can't believe Elle is right.
81 EXT. CRIMINAL LAW CLASS - HALLWAY - DAY 81

A THRONG of buzzing students is gathered around the bulletin
board. Elle walks up.


(CONTINUED)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 61.
81 CONTINUED: 81


ELLE
What's going on?

DORKY DAVID
Donovan's firm is defending a major
murder case and his caseload is so heavy
he's taking on first year interns.

ELLE
He chose them already?

Sarah, at the front of the throng, gasps, then turns to
Warner.

SARAH
We got it!

He grins and she kisses him on the cheek. Elle, shoved to
the back, tries to get closer, when she hears —

ENID
The competition must not have been that
' • stiff. •

Arrogant Aaron pushes his way to the board. .*

ARROGANT AARON
Why? ion .got a spot? *

ENID *
Hey! Watch your hands, Mr.Grabass. *

ARROGANT AARON '*
(ignoring her) *
That only leaves one for — *
Elle, now next to him, gets a look at the board.

ELLE
(shocked)
Me?!

Everyone REACTS. She turns and faces the throng. They stare
back at her in shock. *
Dignified, she walks through them as they PART for her, *
stopping in front of Warner and Sarah. *
ELLE (CONT'D)
(continuing; to Warner) • *
Remember the time after Winter Formal? *
When we spent four incredible hours In *
the hot tub...? *

(CONTINUED)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 62.
81 CONTINUED: (2) 81


Sarah looks away. . • *
ELLE (CONT'D) *
This is way better than that. *
(pushing Sarah aside) *
Excuse me. I have some shopping to do. *
As she goes, surprised CHATTER overtakes the hallway.

82 INT. SAK'S - WOMENS' DEPT. - DAY 82 •*
Elle scans the racks of conservative clothes. She holds up a
cashmere twinset and wrinkles her nose, but throws it over
her arm anyway.
83 INT. NORDSTROM'S - HANDBAGS - DAY - LATER 83
Elle admires a trendy handbag, but then promptly sets it down
and picks up a practical leather briefcase.

84 INT. AUSTEN, PLATT, JARET & DONOVAN - LOBBY - DAY 84
The elevator door opens and Warner and Elle emerge. Elle is
sporting her new, boring "lawyer" clothes. Warner is baffled
and impressed by her transformation.

WARNER
You look — nice.
ELLE
Thank you.

She gives him an aloof smile and walks off. Warner watches her
go. Sarah stands in the lobby. None too happy to witness this.

85 INT. AUSTEN, PLATT, JARET & DONOVAN - DAY - MOMENTS LATER 85
Donovan strides through the office, his four interns behind
him. He points as he walks.

DONOVAN
There's your office, there's the
bathroom, there's the coffee machine.
There's Gerard, Dick and1Bobby.

GERARD, smarmy and trim, DICK, short and bald, and BOBBY,
black and bespectacled, wave as the interns pass by.

DONOVAN (CONT'D)
(continuing)
They're the other associates on the case.
Ask them all your stupid questions, save
the smart ones for me.
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 63.
Genres: ["Comedy"]

Summary Elle gets excited as she is selected for the internship at Donovan's firm. She rushes to shop for formal clothes and arrives at the law firm transformed. Donovan introduces her to the office and assigns her to work alongside other associates on a major murder case.
Strengths "The scene showcases Elle's enthusiasm and how much she wants to be involved in law. It also establishes the setting and tone for later scenes"
Weaknesses "The scene is not particularly emotionally engaging or dramatic"
Critique As a screenwriting AI, I can provide some feedback on the scene. Overall, it seems like a typical introduction to Elle Woods' journey in "Legally Blonde." The scene itself is functional and does what it needs to do, which is set up the contrast between Elle and the law school students around her.

One area for improvement could be the dialogue - some of it feels stilted and unrealistic. For example, the exchange between Enid and Arrogant Aaron seems forced and doesn't flow naturally. Additionally, some of the lines can come across as corny, such as Elle's quip about "four incredible hours in the hot tub."

Another area for improvement could be the pacing - the scene jumps around a bit, from the classroom to the hallway to different stores and finally to the law office. While this might not be a problem in the context of the full movie, the scene could benefit from more focus on one particular location or goal to create a tighter, more cohesive structure.

Overall, while the scene is not particularly standout on its own, it serves its purpose in setting up Elle's character arc and the dynamics of the law school environment.
Suggestions Here are a few suggestions to improve the scene:

1. Develop Elle's character more: Elle should have a clear motivation and goal in this scene. It's not clear why she's in the civil procedures class, nor why she suddenly wants to intern for Donovan's firm. Write the scene to give the audience a better understanding of Elle's character and goals.

2. Make the dialogue more natural: Some of the dialogue in this scene feels stilted and unnatural. For example, when Elle asks what's going on, it feels like a forced setup for the next line. Try to rephrase dialogue so that it sounds more like how real people talk.

3. Add some conflict: There's not much conflict in this scene, which makes it feel a bit flat. Consider adding a disagreement between characters, or having someone sabotage Elle's chances of getting the internship.

4. Make it clearer why Elle is chosen: It's not clear why Elle is chosen for the internship, especially given the line "The competition must not have been that stiff." Add a reason for why Donovan chooses Elle, such as her unique skill set or outside experience.

5. Show more of the office: The description of Donovan's office is very brief, which doesn't give the audience a good sense of the environment. Add more details about the office, such as what it looks like or how the staff interacts.

Overall, this scene could benefit from more character development, natural dialogue, conflict, and detail.



Scene 19 -  The Brooke Windham Case
  • Overall: 8.5
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 9
  • Dialogue: 8
86 INT. AUSTEN, JARET, PLATT AND DONOVAN - CONFERENCE ROOM 86

Professor Donovan opens his briefcase as Elle, Sarah, Enid
and Warner hang on his every word.
PROFESSOR DONOVAN
We're defending Brooke Windham, whose
very wealthy husband was found shot to
death in their Beacon Hill mansion.
SARAH
Gold digger?
PROFESSOR DONOVAN
You'd think so, since the stiff was
sixty, but she was rich on her own. Some
kind of fitness empire. You can buy her
exercise tapes on infomercials.
Elle frowns.
ELLE
Wait a minute — are we talking about
Brooke Daniels?
Donovan checks his papers.
PROFESSOR DONOVAN
Maiden name—Daniels.
(looking up)
You know her?
ELLE
She was a Delta Gamma! Not in my pledge
class or anything — she graduated ,five
years ahead of me. But I used to take her
class at the LA Sports Club. She's
amazing!
The others looks at each other and roll their eyes.
PROFESSOR DONOVAN
Amazing how?

ELLE
She could make you drop three pounds in
one class. She's completely gifted!
PROFESSOR DONOVAN
Well, in all likelihood, she's completely
guilty as well. She was seen standing
over her husband's dead body.

(CONTINUED)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) .64 .
86 CONTINUED: 86


WARNER
By who?
SARAH
(correcting him)
Whom?
PROFESSOR DONOVAN
His twenty-seven year old daughter and
the pool boy.

ELLE
Maybe she found him like that.
PROFESSOR DONOVAN
That's the story she'll be telling the
jury. We just have to prove it.

Emmett walks in and sits.
EMMETT
Sorry I ' m late.
Elle looks at him, confused.
PROFESSOR DONOVAN
This is Emmett Kerrigan, another associate. *
Top three in his class and former editor of
Harvard Law Review. You've probably seen *
him lurking around campus doing my research.
EMMETT *
Or napping on the quad. . *
Elle smiles at him. He smiles back. Almost shy.

WARNER
(to Donovan)
What about the murder weapon?

PROFESSOR DONOVAN
The gun is missing. The coroner said
he'd been dead thirty minutes dead when
the cops arrived — giving Brooke plenty
of time to stash it.

ELLE
There's no way Brooke could've done this -
- exercise gives you endorphins,
endorphins make you happy — happy people
don't kill their husbands!
Sarah and Enid snort.

(CONTINUED)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 65.
86 CONTINUED: (2) 86


PROFESSOR DONOVAN
You don't really believe she's innocent?

ELLE
Of course, I do!

Emmett looks at her.

EMMETT
Then we may actually have a case.

He looks over at Donovan, who's not so sure.

87 EXT. BOSTON JAIL - DAY . • ' . ' . 87

Grey and imposing.
Genres: ["Crime","Mystery","Comedy"]

Summary A team of lawyers defends Brooke Windham, a wealthy woman accused of murdering her husband. Elle, a former classmate of Brooke's, firmly believes in her innocence and is determined to prove it.
Strengths "The scene establishes the central conflict of the film, with the introduction of the case and the main characters. It also introduces some comedic elements through the dialogue and Elle's personality."
Weaknesses "The scene could benefit from more tension and conflict, as well as deeper emotional impact. The character introductions could also be more fleshed out."
Critique Overall, the scene does a good job of setting up the plot and introducing the characters, but there are a few issues.

Firstly, the dialogue is a bit on-the-nose at times, particularly Elle's lines about exercise and endorphins. It feels like the writers are trying to hammer home a point rather than letting it come across naturally.

Additionally, there are a few formatting issues in the scene description (e.g. using all caps for character names instead of just the first time they appear).

Finally, there is little visual or physical action in the scene. It's just a group of people sitting in a conference room talking. Adding more movement or interesting visuals (e.g. shots of the case files they're looking at) would make the scene more engaging for the audience.
Suggestions Overall, the scene seems to be establishing the case the group will be working on and introducing a new character, Emmett. Here are a few suggestions to improve the scene:

1. Provide more visual description: When describing the conference room, it would be helpful to include some visual description to help set the scene. For example, what type of furniture is in the room? Are there windows? What is the lighting like?

2. Cut down on unnecessary dialogue: Some of the dialogue in this scene seems to be unnecessary and doesn't move the story forward. For example, the exchange where Sarah corrects Warner's grammar can be cut out without losing any important information. Additionally, the exchange between Emmett and Donovan about Emmett napping on the quad doesn't add much to the scene and could be cut.

3. Clarify character motivations: It's not entirely clear why Elle is so adamant that Brooke is innocent. Providing some backstory about why Elle feels a personal connection to Brooke (other than being in the same sorority) would help clarify her motivations and give the audience a reason to care about the case.

4. Show, don't tell: When describing Brooke's exercise empire, it would be more engaging to actually see a clip from one of her infomercials or see Elle demonstrating one of her workouts. This would also provide a break from the dialogue-heavy scene and give the audience a chance to see some action.



Scene 20 -  Brooke's Alibi
  • Overall: 7.0
  • Concept: 6
  • Plot: 7
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 8
88 INT. BOSTON JAIL - DAY 88

Donovan sits at a long table, next to BROOKE, a pretty 26-
.year-old blonde with a perfect body and a sad face. The
interns and associates sit at the far end of the table taking
notes. A cop stands guard at the door.

DONOVAN
What alibi?
' • . . '
BROOKE
I can't tell you.
' DONOVAN
You understand you're on trial for
murder ?

BROOKE
I didn't do it! I walked in, saw my
husband lying on the floor, bent down to
check his heart, screamed my head off and
Chutney and Enrique ran inside.

DONOVAN
Where they saw you standing over the body
covered in his blood.
She glares at him.
BROOKE
Why would I kill my husband?
DONOVAN
Insurance? A love affair? Pure
unadulterated hatred? Believe me, the DA
will come up with plenty of reasons.

(CONTINUED)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 66.
88 CONTINUED: 8E


BROOKE
I l ov ed h im !
DONOVAN
He was thirty-four years older than you.
That doesn't sound so good to a jury.

Now she's pissed.
BROOKE
Then show them a picture of his cock.
They might put a few things together.

Everyone stiffens except for Ell.e, who laughs out loud.

DONOVAN , .
Brooke, I believe you. But a jury is
gonna want an alibi.

BROOKE
I can't give you that. And if you put me
on the stand, I'll lie.

Donovan takes a moment to look at her like she's an idiot.

DONOVAN
Were you with another man?

BROOKE
Go to hell.

DONOVAN
I'll take that as a no.

BROOKE
Are we done for today?

DONOVAN
I believe we are.
He stands. As do his minions. As they file out, Brooke sees
Elle.

BROOKE
Hey — I know you.

Elle perks up.

ELLE
I ' m a Delta Gamma and I ' m a huge fan of
yours!



(CONTINUED)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) .67.
88 CONTINUED: (2) 8£


BROOKE
You took my class in LA. You had the
best high kick I've ever seen. Are you
one of my lawyers?
ELLE
Sort of.
Brooke looks at Elle as if she's her savior.

BROOKE
Well, thank God one of you has a brain.
Genres: ["drama","crime"]

Summary Donovan questions Brooke about her alibi for her husband's murder. The conversation leads to suspicions about her motives for killing him.
Strengths "The dialogue between Donovan and Brooke is sharp and engaging, and the scene raises questions about Brooke's innocence."
Weaknesses "The scene could benefit from more action to liven up the static setting."
Critique Overall, the scene has good pacing and dialogue that moves the story forward. However, there are a few issues that could be improved.

Firstly, the character introductions are a bit heavy-handed, with Brooke's physical description and Donovan's aggressive questioning both seeming a bit forced. It would be better to show, not tell, these character traits through their actions and dialogue.

Secondly, the dialogue between Brooke and Donovan feels a bit cliché, with the tough lawyer trying to get the truth out of the defendant. This trope has been used many times before and could benefit from a fresh perspective or unique twist.

Finally, the last exchange between Brooke and Elle feels shoehorned in and doesn't add much to the scene. It would be better to save this interaction for a later scene where it could have more impact on the plot.
Suggestions A few suggestions to improve the scene:

1. Increase the tension: The scene could benefit from more tension between Donovan and Brooke. They are discussing a murder trial, after all. Consider adding more conflict between the two characters and making their conversation more intense.

2. Develop the characters: Right now, Brooke is a one-dimensional character. Consider adding some backstory to give her more depth and motivation. Also, give Donovan more personality traits that show through his dialogue.

3. Tighten the dialogue: Some of the exchanges are a bit too long and could be trimmed. For example, the moment where Brooke talks about showing a picture of her husband's genitals falls a bit flat and could be condensed.

4. Create visual interest: The scene takes place in a jail cell, which can be visually uninteresting. Consider adding some props or creating a more dynamic setting to make the scene more engaging for the audience.



Scene 21 -  The Bend and Snap
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 7
  • Plot: 7
  • Characters: 9
  • Dialogue: 9
89 INT. BEAUTY OASIS - DAY 89 *

Rufus sleeps happily on the floor. Elle sits in front of . ' *
Paulette, nails in the soapy water.

ELLE
I feel so bad for her. I mean, she's in
jail! And she's innocent. But I ' m the
only one who believes her. Donovan
totally thinks she's guilty.

. PAULETTE
That's because men are big, fat retards
who don't — Oh, my God... *
ON THE DOOR

The UPS GUY stands in the doorway with a package, sun *
streaming in around him. *
UPS GUY
Afternoon, ladies.
ON ELLE AND PAULETTE *

PAULETTE *
It's him! *
Paulette smooths down her hair. *

ELLE ' *
It's who? *
She turns to look as we go to — *

BUTT-CAM — CLOSE ON the crisp brown shorts of a regulation *
UPS uniform, as they stretch across the taut, muscular *
buttocks of UPS GUY, as he strides through the shop. *

(CONTINUED)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 68.
89 CONTINUED: 89


When the butt stops moving, we WIDEN to reveal the UPS Guy *
now standing in front of Elle and Paulette. *

UPS GUY *
I've got a package. *
Elle turns to Paulette, eyes wide. *
ELLE *
(agreeing) *
He's got a package. • *
Paulette is frozen. Blushing and nervous. *

UPS GUY *
How ya doin' today? . *
PAULETTE . •*
Fine? *
He waits for her to sign. She remains frozen. Elle takes *
the pen and signs for her, trying to help. .*

UPS Guy smiles kindly at Paulette and heads out. *

UPS GUY .*
Take it easy. *•
Paulette watches him go, hand over her heart. Elle looks at *
her, concerned. , *

ELLE
So, this is the only interaction you two *
have ever had?

PAULETTE
No. Sometimes I say "Okay" instead of
"Fine".

ELLE
Have you ever considered asking him if
he'd like a cold beverage? Or perhaps a
neck massage?
• ' . ' • • . ' ' *

PAULETTE
What's the point?
(matter of factly)
Look at me.

ELLE
I am. And I'm looking at a beautiful,
fabulous, sexy woman.

(CONTINUED)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) • . 6 9.
89 CONTINUED: (2) 89


Paulette snorts. *
PAULETTE *
Good one. *
ELLE *
Trust'me. You've got the equipment, you *
just need to read the manual. *
Elle stands. , *
ELLE (CONT'D) *
I ' m going to.show you a little maneuver
my mother taught me when I was in junior
high. In my experience, it has a 98%
success rate in getting a man's attention
and when used appropriately—an 83% *
rate of return on a dinner invitation.
The HAIRSTYLISTS and CLIENTS listen, intrigued. .*
ELLE (CONT'D) *
(continuing)
It's called the "Bend & Snap".
(acting)
"Oh, look! There's something on the
floor that I need to pick up!" Bend... *
She slowly BENDS down, as if to pick up something, sticking *
out her tush, knee cocked. She slids her hand down her *
cocked leg until her hand touches the floor and she SNAPS *
back up, boobs a'bouncing.
ELLE (CONT'D)
(continuing)
And snap! Now you try.
Paulette stands up repeating the maneuver. *
PAULETTE
Bend...and snap!
It 's a spastic version of what Elle just did. *
ELLE
Good. Now this time, put a little arch in
your back and maybe get your footing more *
solid.
Paulette does it again. This time, getting it right. *



(CONTINUED)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 70.
89 CONTINUED: ( 3 ) 89


ELLE (CONT'D)
(continuing)
Perfect!
A HAIR CLIENT walks over, head full of curlers. *

HAIR CLIENT *
Like this? . *
She tries. *

ELLE *
Good. *
She adjusts her like a yoga instructor would. *

ELLE (CONT'D) *
But cock that knee. *
ANOTHER CLIENT calls over. *

ANOTHER CLIENT *
Am I doing it right? *
Elle walks over to her. *

ELLE *
More snap, less bend. *
She turns to the rest of the clients. *

ELLE (CONT'D) *
C'mon — everyone try! *
Clients hop up out of their chairs as someone reaches over *
and cranks the transistor radio, blaring "BRICK HOUSE" by the *
Commodores. *

All the clients and technicians, no matter what their age, or *
how many foils are in there hair, are up and doing the "Bend *
& Snap", repeating the mantra as they do.

Elle walks around them, continuing to adjust them. *

ELLE (CONT'D) *
Now everyone together. *
They all bend in unison — going down on "Brick" — *

EVERYONE
Bend —
And snapping back up — on "House" . *

(CONTINUED)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) . 7 1 .
89 CONTINUED: ( 4 ) 89


EVERYONE (CONT'D) *
(continuing)
And snap !

The frivolity continues as the roomful of ladies perfect the *
maneuver . . *
MAURICE, a male hair-dresser, comes out of the back room, *
mixing a bowl of bleach as he walks. He stops when he spots *
the activity. . *

MAURICE *
Oh, my God! The Bend & Snap! *
(to an old lady) *
Works every time... *
Genres: ["Romantic Comedy","Women's Fiction"]

Summary Paulette and Elle discuss her crush on the UPS Guy, who then arrives with a package. As he leaves, Elle teaches the women in the salon the 'Bend and Snap,' a move she insists will help them attract men. The women try it out with varying degrees of success, to the amusement of the salon staff.
Strengths "Elle's quirky and humorous personality shines through in her interactions with Paulette and the salon clients."
Weaknesses "The scene is a bit gimmicky and doesn't do much to advance the plot."
Critique As a screenwriting AI language model, I do not have personal opinions, but I can provide feedback based on best practices in screenwriting.

This scene showcases the bond between Elle and Paulette and introduces the concept of the "Bend & Snap". However, the dialogue and actions can come across as cartoonish and stereotypical, particularly with the use of phrases like "men are big, fat retards" and the portrayal of Paulette's nervousness around the UPS guy as a comedic moment. Additionally, the focus on women using sexuality to get men's attention may not resonate with all audiences.

From a technical perspective, the use of ALL-CAPS to emphasize certain words can be distracting and potentially difficult for actors to interpret.

Overall, while the scene serves its purpose in advancing the plot and developing characters, it could benefit from more nuance and sensitivity in its depiction of gender roles and interactions.
Suggestions Here are a few suggestions to improve the scene:

1. Clarify the purpose of the scene: Is it just to show Elle and Paulette having a conversation, or is it to introduce the UPS Guy and the "Bend & Snap" maneuver? Make sure the scene has a clear objective and that each moment of the scene serves that objective.

2. Trim unnecessary dialogue: Some of the dialogue, such as Paulette's comment about saying "okay" instead of "fine," doesn't add anything to the scene. Trim dialogue that doesn't serve the scene's objective or contribute to characterization.

3. Consider visual storytelling: Instead of relying on dialogue to convey the characters' emotions and actions, consider using visual storytelling techniques. For example, showing a close-up of Paulette's blushing face or Elle's concerned expression can convey more than their dialogue.

4. Add conflict: The scene lacks conflict, which can make it feel flat. Consider adding an obstacle or tension, such as Elle being nervous to talk to the UPS Guy or Paulette feeling self-conscious about her appearance.

5. Explore character dynamics: Elle and Paulette have a good rapport, but their conversation could be more dynamic. Consider exploring their differences and how they challenge each other. For example, maybe Elle is more confident and outgoing, while Paulette is more self-conscious and reserved.

6. Pace the scene: The scene starts slow with the characters talking, then picks up with the UPS Guy's arrival and the introduction of the "Bend & Snap." Consider pacing the scene more evenly to keep the audience engaged throughout.



Scene 22 -  Interviews and Theories
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 7
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 7
  • Dialogue: 9
90 INT. AUSTEN, PLATT, JARET & DONOVAN-CONFERENCE ROOM-DAY 90

CHUTNEY, 27, curly-haired and bitter, sits in front of *
Donovan, the FEMALE DA, the associates, the interns and a
court .reporter, as she's interviewed.

CHUTNEY
I got out of the shower," walked
downstairs, saw her standing over my
father, and called the police.

DONOVAN
Did she have a weapon in her hand?

CHUTNEY
No.

DONOVAN
Was there any reason for you to believe
she had discarded a weapon?
CHUTNEY
Uh, yeah, because the bitch shot him.

DONOVAN
Was there any evidence that Mrs . Windham
shot him?

CHUTNEY
(duh)
His dead body with a bullet in it. .

91 INT. AUSTEN, PLATT, JARET & DONOVAN-CONFERENCE ROOM-LATER 91

ENRIQUE, 25, Latino and hunky as hell, sits in the seat that
Chutney has vacated.


(CONTINUED)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 72.
91 aONTINUED: 91


DONOVAN
What did you see when you entered the
house?
ENRIQUE
I saw Mrs. Windham standing over the body
of Mr. Windham.
DONOVAN
Was she carrying a weapon?

• ENRIQUE
No, she was crying her eyes out.

Donovan smiles.
DONOVAN
So she was distraught that her husband
was dead?

ENRIQUE
Oh, yes. Mrs. Windham is the most sweet,
wonderful woman I know. I have loved her
since the day she hired me. She could
never do something this awful. I know
this because we are very close.

The others shift uncomfortably, then look at each other. Then.,
back at Enrique and his shiny, unbuttoned-to-show-his-pecs
shirt. The DA smiles.

92 INT. STEAKHOUSE - NIGHT .9.2

Donovan, the interns, and associates sit at a large table.

GERARD
She's screwing the pool boy.

Elle gasps and makes a face.

ELLE
There is no way a Delta Gamma would sleep
with a man in a shiny shirt. Warner,
back me up here.

Warner shrugs, embarrassed. Sarah looks at Donovan.

SARAH
I hate to agree ~ but I don't see the
two of them actually —
(wrinkling her nose)
— doing it.

(CONTINUED)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 73.
92 CONTINUED: 92


ENID
Women like that will screw anything.
ELLE
So, because she's beautiful and has a good *
body, she's easy? What book of feminist *
theory did you read iiiai in, Enid? *
Emmett jumps in before war breaks out. *
EMMETT
Okay, if Brooke didn't kill the guy, who did?
ELLE
My money's on the angry daughter or the
ex-wife.
DONOVAN
Chutney has a trust fund. She didn't
need the insurance payoff or the
inheritance.
BOBBY
What about her mother?
DONOVAN
Covered. She was in Aspen at the time.
Ten people saw her downing cosmopolitans
at the Caribou Club.
ELLE
All I know is— it's not Brooke.
DONOVAN
That's touching, Elle, but we need an
alibi.
Elle thinks about this.

93 INT. BOSTON JAIL - LOBBY - DAY ' 93 *

A—nervous Elle stands in front of the burly CHECK-IN GUARD..
She holds a basket of goodies.
ELLE
I ' m here to see Brooke Wi'ndham.
GUARD
Licensed attorney or family member?
ELLE
Uh — family.

(CONTINUED)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 74.
93 CONTINUED: 93


GUARD
Relation?

ELLE
I ' m her sister.

GUARD
Name?

ELLE
Delta. Gamma.

He makes a note and buzzes her in. '
Genres: ["Legal Drama","Comedy"]

Summary Chutney, an interviewee, describes seeing Mrs. Windham after she shot her father. Later, the lawyers and interns discuss their theories on who the real killer could be and Elle attempts to visit Brooke in jail.
Strengths "The dialogue is witty and humorous. The scene effectively narrows down the list of suspects and keeps the audience engaged."
Weaknesses "The emotional impact of the scene is low, and there is a lack of action."
Critique Overall, the scene is well-structured and moves the plot forward. However, there are some areas for improvement.

Firstly, the dialogue for Chutney and Enrique feels a bit forced and unrealistic. Chutney's responses to Donovan's questions seem overly sarcastic, and Enrique's declaration of love for Mrs. Windham comes across as cheesy.

Additionally, the scene lacks visual descriptions and action. There is no mention of the characters' physical movements, gestures, or expressions, which can make the scene feel static and dull.

Finally, the introduction of Elle's visit to the Boston jail feels abrupt and disconnected from the preceding dialogue. It could benefit from a smoother transition or more context.

Overall, the scene could benefit from further polishing and attention to characterization and visual details.
Suggestions Here are some suggestions to improve this scene:

1. Make Chutney's character more three-dimensional. Right now, all we know about her is that she's bitter and has curly hair. Adding in some backstory or giving her more personality traits would make her more interesting.

2. Add in some tension or conflict to the scene. Right now it's just a straightforward Q&A, but adding in some disagreement or pushback from Chutney or Donovan would make it more engaging.

3. Develop Enrique's character more. Similarly to Chutney, we don't know much about him besides his looks and that he's loyal to Mrs. Windham. Adding in some backstory or more personality traits would make him more memorable.

4. Show more nonverbal communication between the characters. Right now, the scene is mostly just dialogue. Adding in some gestures, reactions, or expressions would make it more visually interesting.

5. Add in some foreshadowing or hints about the true culprit. Right now, the characters are just speculating, but adding in some clues or hints would make the audience more invested in solving the mystery.



Scene 23 -  The Confession
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 7
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 9
  • Dialogue: 7
94 INT. BOSTON JAIL - DAY 94

Elle sits at a conference table with her basket. A door
opens and a female guard brings Brooke into the room. Wearing
a horribly tacky orange jumpsuit.
ELLE
Are you okay? You look so sad...and so
. orange.
BROOKE
I ' m glad it's you and not Donovan.
. ELLE
He means well. He's really brilliant and
all.
Brooke sits, not looking convinced.
BROOKE
He better be, for what I ' m paying him.
Elle pushes her basket forward.
ELLE
I brought you some necessities. Pink
sheets. Aromatherapy candles. Loofah.
And The Bible.
She holds up a "Cosmopolitan".
BROOKE
You're an angel.
Elle squirms in her seat.




(CONTINUED)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 75.
94 CONTINUED: 94


ELLE
But I have to tell you the real reason
I ' m here. Professor Donovan says we
really, really need your alibi.

Brooke tears up.

BROOKE
Elle, I can't. You don't understand.

ELLE
Who could better understand than me?

Brooke dabs her eyes with a corner of the pink Ralph Lauren
sheets.

BROOKE
It's so shameful...

ELLE
Whatever it is — it could save you.
BROOKE
That's just it — it would ruin me!
ELLE
How?

Brooke composes herself. Takes a deep breath. Looks at Elle.
BROOKE
I have made my fortune on my ability to
teach women how to perfect their bodies
with the Brooke's Butt Buster workout.
ELLE
I know! You helped me go from a six to a
four!
Brooke starts to cry again.
BROOKE
On the day of Heyworth's murder, I was —
She snorts back a sob.
BROOKE (CONT'D)
(continuing)
— getting liposuction.
Elle gasps.


(CONTINUED)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 76.
94 CONTINUED: (2) 94


ELLE
No!

BROOKE
(completely shamed)
I ' m a fraud! But it's not like normal
people can have this ass! If my fans
knew, I ' d lose everything. I've already
lost my husband. I rather be in jail
then lose my reputation!

Elle hugs her to her chest, consoling her.

ELLE
Your secret is safe with me.
Genres: ["Comedy","Drama"]

Summary Elle visits Brooke in jail, hoping to get her alibi to clear her name. Brooke confesses that she was getting liposuction on the day of the murder, which could ruin her reputation as a fitness guru.
Strengths "The scene adds depth to the character of Brooke and adds a layer of complexity to the plot. The exchange between the two characters feels genuine and heartfelt."
Weaknesses "The scene might feel too long and could have been condensed without losing much."
Critique Overall, the scene is well-written and effectively conveys the emotional turmoil of the characters. However, there are a few areas that could be improved:

- The dialogue feels a bit too on-the-nose at times, particularly with Elle's exposition about Professor Donovan and Brooke's shame about her butt workout being a fraud. Some subtlety or nuance in the conversation could make it feel more realistic and less contrived.
- The reveal of Brooke's liposuction feels a bit forced and convenient as a way to provide her with an alibi. It may be worth exploring other possibilities or plot points that could achieve the same outcome without feeling so coincidental.
- The scene could benefit from more action or visual elements to break up the dialogue and provide a stronger sense of place. For example, we could see Brooke adjusting her jumpsuit or fidgeting with the sheets, or Elle could be arranging the basket and lighting the candles. These moments could add more depth to the characters and make the scene feel more dynamic.

Overall, though, the scene effectively builds tension and explores the characters' motivations and conflicts, which is crucial for a successful screenplay.
Suggestions Here are some suggestions for improving this scene:

1. Make the conflict and stakes clearer: Right now, the scene is mostly a conversation between Elle and Brooke, but it's not entirely clear what's at stake and what the conflict is. To improve this, consider adding more details about what will happen if Brooke doesn't provide her alibi, or why it's so important that she keep her liposuction a secret. This will help the audience understand the tension in the scene and make it more engaging.

2. Use more visual elements: So far, the scene is mostly dialogue, and there's not a lot of action or visual interest. To make it more engaging, consider adding more visual elements, such as close-ups on Elle and Brooke's faces, or shots of their hands or the items in Elle's basket. This will make the scene more dynamic and interesting to watch.

3. Show more of Elle's character: Right now, Elle's character doesn't feel completely fleshed out. To improve this, consider adding more details about Elle's personality and motivations. For example, why is she so invested in helping Brooke? Does she have a personal connection to the case or to Brooke? What are her own goals and desires? Adding more depth to her character will make the scene more compelling and emotionally resonant.

4. Use humor more effectively: There are some funny lines in this scene, but they don't always land. To improve the humor, consider tightening up the dialogue and making it more snappy. You could also try playing up the contrast between the seriousness of Brooke's situation and the lightness of Elle's basket of goodies. Using humor effectively can help make the scene more entertaining and engaging.



Scene 24 -  Sisterhood vs Professionalism
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 7
  • Plot: 7
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 8
95 INT. AUSTEN, PLATT, JARET & DONOVAN - LIBRARY - DAY 95

The associates and interns sit at a table piled high with
research, as Donovan goes over his notes.

DONOVAN
.. We've got two interviews tomorrow that
Dick and Bobby are gonna handle, and the
ex-wife in an hour.
He looks up.

DONOVAN (CONT'D)
(continuing)
Sarah, can you grab me some coffee?

Sarah rises, and fetches the coffee from the side table.

DONOVAN (CONT'D)
(continuing)
And according to this communique from the
prison, our client apparently had a visit
from her sister? A Miss Delta Gamma —
He looks at Elle.

DONOVAN (CONT'D)
(continuing)
Anyone you know?

Elle looks up, caught. The others looks at her.

ELLE
I went to get her alibi.

Emmett looks over, surprised.


(CONTINUED)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 77,
95 CONTINUED: 95


DONOVAN
Did you get it?

ELLE
Yes. But I can't tell you what it is.

The others can't believe this.
DONOVAN
Why the hell not?
' ELLE
I promised her I ' d keep it secret. I
can't break the bonds of sisterhood!

Now he's pissed.
DONOVAN
Fuck sisterhood. This is a murder trial,
not some scandal at the sorority house.
I want the alibi.

Sarah sets Donovan's coffee down. Watching to see what Elle
will do.

ELLE
I can't give it to you. All I can tell
you is that she's innocent.

An ASSISTANT pokes her head in the room.

ASSISTANT
Mr. Donovan? Mrs. Windham Vandermark is
on line two.

Donovan rises, still annoyed.

DONOVAN
Someone reason with her while I take
this.

He walks out. The others look at Elle.

BOBBY
Are you crazy? Tell him the alibi.

ELLE
, No!

DICK
We're gonna lose the case if you don't.



(CONTINUED)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 78.
95 CONTINUED: (2) 95


ELLE
Then we're not very good lawyers.

Emmett hides a smile. Warner leans over to Elle. Sarah is
nearby, listening. •
WARNER
(quietly)
If you tell him, you'll probably make
summer associate. Who cares.about Brooke?
Think about yourself.

ELLE
I gave her my word, Warner.

Sarah watches — seeing both Warner and Elle in a different
light.

Donovan storms back in.

DONOVAN
The ex-wife seems to be unconcerned with
the fact that her interview is today.
She's at a spa in the Berkshires. *

GERARD
A spa?
(to Elle)
Isn't that like, your Mother-Ship?
Elle shrugs and looks at Donovan.

ELLE .
I can go if you want.
ENID
Why you?

GERARD
(to Enid)
Have you ever been to a spa?

ENID
And subscribe to the doctrine of self-
hatred imposed upon my gender by male *
delusions of the way women are supposed
to look? *
(beat) .*
Twice. *

Donovan motions toward Elle. Then looks at Emmett with a *
pointed "Get the alibi" look.


(CONTINUED)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 79.
95 CONTINUED: (3) 95


DONOVAN
Go with her.
Genres: ["Drama","Comedy"]

Summary Elle is torn between keeping her promise to her sorority sister and giving the much needed alibi to help their client.
Strengths "The scene touches upon important themes of loyalty, professionalism, and morality."
Weaknesses "The conflict between sisterhood and professionalism could have been given more depth and nuance."
Critique Overall, the scene is well written and effectively advances the plot and character development. However, there are a few points that could benefit from some fine-tuning:

- The dialogue could be more concise, as some of the lines feel a bit wordy and repetitive. For example, the exchange between Donovan and Sarah about the coffee order could be shortened to simply "Sarah, coffee please."

- The tension between Donovan and Elle over the alibi could be heightened by adding more physical action or blocking. For instance, Elle could stand up defiantly or cross her arms, while Donovan could step closer to her or raise his voice.

- There is potential for more visual description of the setting and characters to help deepen the reader's immersion in the scene. For example, the piles of research on the table could be described in more detail, or the characters' facial expressions could be highlighted.
Suggestions Here are a few suggestions to improve the scene:

1. Increase the conflict: While there is some tension between Donovan and Elle about the alibi, it could be heightened. Maybe instead of just being annoyed, Donovan could be furious that Elle won't give him the alibi and threaten to fire her from the case or something similar. This would raise the stakes and increase tension in the scene.

2. Develop the characters: Aside from Elle and Donovan, the other characters feel like they're just there to fill space and don't have much to contribute. Giving each character a unique personality, backstory, or motivation could make the scene more interesting and engaging.

3. Tighten the dialogue: Some of the dialogue feels like it could be trimmed or simplified to improve the flow. For example, "A spa? Isn't that like, your Mother-Ship?" could be shortened to something like "A spa? Elle, you love those, right?"

4. Add some visual interest: The scene takes place in a library, which isn't the most exciting location. Adding some movement or visual interest to the scene could help keep the audience engaged. For example, maybe the interns are constantly shuffling through papers, or Donovan is pacing back and forth while he talks.

Overall, the scene could benefit from more tension, character development, and visual interest to help keep the audience engaged.



Scene 25 -  Spa Day Investigation
  • Overall: 7.0
  • Concept: 6
  • Plot: 7
  • Characters: 7
  • Dialogue: 8
96 INT. EMMETT'S VOLVO - DAY 96

Emmett drives, Elle is shotgun.
ELLE
Explain to me why you're so anti- Brooke.

EMMETT
Uh, for starters, she won'-t give us an
alibi —
ELLE
Aside from that.

EMMETT
She's completely untrustworthy.

ELLE
Why?

EMMETT
She married an old man, she's made a
living on telling women they're too fat,
she hawks her crap on the Home Shopping
Network...
ELLE
A) He's an old man with a really big
penis. B) She never told me I was fat.
And C) Victoria Principal sells on that
network.
EMMETT
And D) Brooke is obviously hiding
something.
ELLE
But maybe it's not what you think.
EMMETT
But maybe it is— .

They're quiet for a moment. She looks at him.

ELLE
You're kind of being a butt-head right
now.




(CONTINUED)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 80.
96 CONTINUED: 96


EMMETT
(amused)
How do you figure?

ELLE
Because people aren't always what they
seem to be and you refuse to see that.
Have a little faith. You might be
surprised.
They're quiet again while he thinks about this. He looks
over at her.
EMMETT
I can't believe you called me a butt-
head. No one's called me a butt-head
since ninth grade.

ELLE
Maybe not to your face...

She gives him a teasing smile. He smiles back at her,
shaking his head.

97 INT. SPA - LOBBY - DAY 97

Elle and Emmett are at the desk.

ELLE
We have two o'clock massages. Kerrigan
and Woods.
DESK CLERK
Go on back. .

Elle starts to go, then stops.

ELLE
Oh, and my friend Katherine Windham
Vandermark is here somewhere and I ' m
supposed to meet her. for a Pilates class.
Do you have her schedule?

DESK CLERK
(checking)
She's in the mud room until four.

Elle smiles her thanks and walks off with Emmett.

EMMETT
Damn. We can't see her for an hour?



(CONTINUED)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 81.
97 CONTINUED: 97


ELLE
No, she can't move for an hour.
She grabs his arm and pulls him down the hall.

98 INT. SPA - MUD ROOM - DAY 98 *

MRS. WINDHAM VANDERMARK, late 40s, brunette, East Coast hoity- *
toity — lies on a table like a corpse, stiff with mud, *
cucumbers over her eyes. Elle and Emmett poke their heads in.
ELLE
Mrs. Windham Vandermark?
EMMETT
We're here from Austen, Platt, Jaret &
Donovan --
MRS. WINDHAM VANDERMARK
So, you found me.

Emmett looks at Elle.
EMMETT
(sotto)
She's naked.
MRS. WINDHAM VANDERMARK
I ' m covered in very expensive Egyptian
mud ••— hardly naked.
ELLE
(to Emmett)
I'll cover her — parts.
Elle settles on three washcloths, strategically placed.
MRS. WINDHAM VANDERMARK
So, I hear the tart from California shot - *
Heyworth. *
EMMETT
Well, that's what we're trying to prove
didn't happen. Do you have any reason to
believe it did?
MRS. WINDHAM VANDERMARK
I never met the woman, but from what my
daughter tells me, she's quite the cun—
ELLE
(interrupting her)
She's not!

(CONTINUED)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 82.
98 CONTINUED: 98


EMMETT
Did your daughter ever say anything to
you about Brooke and Heyworth's
relationship?
MRS. WINDHAM VANDERMARK
Aside from the fact that he found her on *
an infomercial? She said they humped like *
gorillas . Chutney could hear them all
the way in the pool house.

EMMETT
I ' m sure that was very awkward for
Chutney.
(sotto)
Much as it is for me, hearing you tell
about it.
MRS. WINDHAM VANDERMARK
But I guess it wasn't enough for Brooke.
EMMETT
Why do you say that?
MRS . WINDHAM VANDERMARK
Haven't you seen the cabana boy?

ELLE
(uneasy)
Yes. ...

MRS. WINDHAM VANDERMARK
Like I said, I've never met Brooke, but I
have seen her from a distance. When I ' d
come over to pick up the alimony check
that Heyworth forgot to mail every month,
she'd be out by the pool, with Mr. Hot
Pants hovering over her with some pink
drink.

EMMETT
Hovering?

MRS . WINDHAM VANDERMARK
I didn't stick around long enough to
watch him stick his swizzle stick in her
mouth, but I ' d bet my next check that
that ' s where he was about to put it .
Genres: ["Comedy","Drama"]

Summary Elle and Emmett visit a spa and interview a potential witness in their case. They also learn about the scandalous activities of the victim's wife and her lover.
Strengths "The witty banter and flirtation between Elle and Emmett, the surprise revelations about the victim's wife and her lover"
Weaknesses "The scene lacks significant action or tension, and the dialogue is somewhat expositional."
Critique The scene is well-written with natural dialogue and clear character motivations. The exchange between Elle and Emmett shows their different perspectives on Brooke and sets up the conflict for the rest of the story. The introduction of Mrs. Windham Vandermark adds further intrigue and potential suspects to the story. Overall, the scene effectively advances the plot and develops the characters.
Suggestions 1. Clarify the purpose of the scene - What is the main objective of this scene? Is it to gather information about the murder case, to showcase the relationship between Elle and Emmett, or to introduce Mrs. Windham Vandermark as a character? Focusing on the main objective will help streamline the scene and make it more effective.

2. Tighten up the dialogue - Some of the dialogue feels repetitive and unnecessary. For example, the exchange about Brooke's marriage to an old man and selling products on Home Shopping Network doesn't add much to the scene. Tightening up the dialogue will make it more dynamic and help move the scene along.

3. Show, don't tell - Rather than having Mrs. Windham Vandermark tell us that Brooke and Heyworth had a physical relationship, it could be more effective to show this through a flashback or visual representation.

4. Build tension - The scene could benefit from a bit more tension and conflict, perhaps if Mrs. Windham Vandermark is initially hesitant to provide any information or if Emmett and Elle suspect she may be hiding something.

5. Add depth to characters - While this scene does provide some insight into Mrs. Windham Vandermark's character, there could be more layers added to both her and Emmett and Elle to make them more interesting and complex.



Scene 26 -  The Blonde Legal Defense Fund
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 9
  • Plot: 7
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 9
99 INT. EMMETT 'S VOLVO - DAY 99

Emmett drives, raving.


(CONTINUED)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 83.
99 CONTINUED: 99


EMMETT
How can you still believe she's innocent?

ELLE
You're going to trust the word of a woman
who named her child after a condiment?
She's ly-ing.
EMMETT
And you know this for a fact?

' ELLE
Did you see the icky black color of her
hair?
EMMETT
So?
ELLE
I never trust a woman who's not blonde.
Except for my friend Serena, but that's
only because she's a blonde at heart.
That's the whole reason I ' m starting the
Blonde Legal Defense Fund.
He looks at her and laughs.
EMMETT
The what?

ELLE
Blondes are discriminated against
worldwide! Brooke's a blonde, and people
are saying she's sleeping with the cheesy
pool boy and shooting her husband. If
she was a mousy brunette, it would be,
"Oh, the poor widow."
EMMETT
You're serious?
She's fired up now.

ELLE
You should see the way I ' m treated in
class! I'm a complete source of mockery.
This is why the Blonde Legal Defense Fund
is needed.
He goes along with it, won over by her enthusiasm.
EMMETT
Okay, how would it work?

(CONTINUED)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 84.
99 CONTINUED: (2) 99


ELLE
It would be a full-service law firm, by
and for blondes, providing positive
blonde role models and community outreach
in high blonde areas. I mean, think
about it — name one blonde intellectual
role model.
EMMETT
— I can't.
ELLE
That is a direct result of anti- blonde
discrimination!
EMMETT
Wait — Hilary Clinton.
ELLE
If she were a true blonde, she would've
left the cheating bastard. Blondes don't
let their husbands get fellated by
brunettes and live to tell about it.
Emmett frowns.
EMM ETT
. In that case, maybe Heyworth got -—
fellated —by a brunette and Brooke
caught him.
ELLE
Exactly how much gorilla sex do you think
a sixty-year-old man can take? •.
EMMETT
That's not really a topic that keeps me
up at night — but maybe it should.
Elle digs in her purse.
ELLE
Speaking of that •— I bought you some
seaweed cream while we were at the spa.
She hands it to him. He keeps his hands on the wheel, not
taking it.
EMMETT
What the hell is that for?




(CONTINUED)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 85.
99 CONTINUED: (3) 99


ELLE
The bags under your eyes. You're an
attractive man, but you need to take
better care of yourself.
EMMETT
I don't --
(gesturing to the cream)
Do that stuff.
ELLE
Well, you should —. I f you look good, you • *
feel good and if you feel good, you *
project joy into the world. *

EMMETT *
Projecting joy is not my job.
ELLE
. (sighing)
Fine. Sorry I brought it up.

She puts the cream back in her purse. They ride in silence
for a moment. Then —
EMMETT
You really think I ' m attractive?

ELLE
For a butt-head? Yes.

She smiles at him. .
Genres: []

Summary Emmett and Elle discuss the need for a legal defense fund for blondes, as Elle feels they are discriminated against, using the example of the accusations against Brooke.
Strengths "The dialogue is witty and entertaining, with good chemistry between the characters."
Weaknesses "The scene doesn't advance the main plot."
Critique Overall, the scene is engaging and entertaining with a good balance of humor and character development. However, the scene lacks a clear objective and purpose within the larger story. While it adds depth to Elle and Emmett's characters, it doesn't necessarily move the plot forward. It could benefit from a clearer connection to the larger story or conflict at hand. Additionally, some of the dialogue and jokes may come across as cliché or dated to modern audiences. As a screenwriter, I would suggest reevaluating the scene's purpose and making sure the humor and dialogue are fresh and relevant.
Suggestions There are a few suggestions to improve this scene:

1. Clarify the purpose of the scene: It's not entirely clear what the purpose of the scene is. Is it to show Emmett and Elle bonding? Is it to further the plot of the movie? It would help to clarify what the scene is trying to accomplish.

2. Tighten up the dialogue: Some of the dialogue feels unnecessary or overly rambling, which can slow down the pace of the scene. For example, the discussion about Brooke's hair color and the Blonde Legal Defense Fund could be condensed or eliminated altogether.

3. Emphasize character development: This scene could be a good opportunity to show the audience more about Emmett and Elle's personalities and motivations. Consider adding more character-building moments or conversations.

4. Incorporate more visual elements: As written, this scene is heavy on dialogue and light on action. Adding more visual elements, such as shots of the car driving or reactions from Emmett and Elle, could make the scene more dynamic.



Scene 27 -  Elle defends Dorky David and attends court
  • Overall: 7.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 7
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 7
100 EXT. HARVARD CAMPUS - NIGHT 100 *

Elle walks down the sidewalk to her dorm, approaching Dorky *
David as he tries to ask out a FRESHMAN GIRL who thinks she's
a lot cuter than she actually is. She stands with her *
freshman friends. *
- DORKY DAVID
So — I called your room last night. *
FRESHMAN GIRL
(cold) ' *
I heard. .*
DORKY DAVID *
I was thinking maybe we could go out *
sometime. *



(CONTINUED)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 86.
100 CONTINUED: 100


FRESHMAN GIRL *
Uh, n o . . . you're a dork. *
turns back to her FRIENDS who all laugh at him. Elle *
winces as she passes. *
DORKY DAVID
(hopeful)
I ' m in law school —

The Freshman Girl turns back to him. *

FRESHMAN GIRL
Look — I ' m not going out with you. I *
can't believe you'd even ask. Girls like *
me don't go out with losers like you. *

Her friends snicker. Elle stops at this and sighs, *
acknowledging to herself that she has to help this guy. She *
turns and marches back, SLAPPING Dorky David across the face. *
Dorky David is stunned, as is the Freshman Girl. *

ELLE *
(upset)
Why didn't you call me?

DORKY DAVID
What?

ELLE
We spend a beautiful night together and
then I never hear from you again?

DORKY DAVID
I — uh —

Elle signals with her eyes for him to go along with it.

DORKY DAVID (CONT'D)
(continuing)
I'm sorry?

ELLE
For what? Breaking my heart or ruining sex for me *
with any other man? *

DORKY DAVID
Uh — both?

ELLE
Forget it. I've already spent too many
hours crying over you.


(CONTINUED)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 87.
100 CONTINUED: ( 2 ) 100


She rushes off. Dorky David and the Freshman Girl and her *
friends watch Elle go. After a moment, the girl turns to David.
FRESHMAN GIRL
So, urn, when did you wanna go out?
ANOTHER GIRL *
I ' m free on Friday. *
Walking away, Elle hears this and smiles.
101 EXT. COURTHOUSE - DAY 101
People ascend the wide courthouse steps.
BAILIFF (O.S.)
The first district court is now in session.
The honorable Judge William R. Ptak presiding.
102 INT. COURTROOM - DAY .102
The DA grills Mrs. Windham Vandermark.
DA JOYCE RAFFERTY
And what was the defendant doing?
MRS. WINDHAM VANDERMARK
Sitting next to the pool topless, while
the Latin boy handed her a drink.
CUT TO:
103 INT. COURTROOM - DAY 103
DA Rafferty continues her grilling.
DA JOYCE RAFFERTY
And where was she exactly?
This time — Chutney is on the stand.
CHUTNEY
Standing over my father's dead body.
CUT TO:
104 INT. COURTROOM - DAY 104
CLOSE ON a tiny Speedo thong . *
DA JOYCE RAFFERTY (O.S.)
Mr. Salvatore, can you tell us what this *
is? *
(CONTINUED)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 88.
104 CONTINUED: 104


We PULL BACK to reveal that the DA is holding it up as she *
questions Enrique. *

ENRIQUE
My uniform.
DA JOYCE RAFFERTY
This is the uniform that Mrs. Windham
asked you to wear while cleaning her
pool?
ENRIQUE
Yes.
DA JOYCE RAFFERTY
And are you or are you not, having an
affair with Brooke Windham?

Enrique shifts in his seat.

ENRIQUE
Define affair.
DA JOYCE RAFFERTY
Have you inserted your genitalia into
hers?
DONOVAN
Objection —

DA JOYCE RAFFERTY
(to Enrique)
Have you and Mrs. Windham had sexual
relations?

ENRIQUE
Yes! Okay? Yes!
The courtroom gasps. Elle looks over at Brooke, who's
shaking her head, outraged.
105 INT. COURTROOM - MOMENTS LATER 105
Everyone files out. As Brooke is being led away, she turns *
to Elle. *
BROOKE
I'm not having an affair with Enrique — *
you know a Delta Gamma would never sleep
with a man who wears a thong! I just
liked watching him bend over to clean the
filter —


(CONTINUED)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 89.
105 CONTINUED: 105


ELLE
I believe you! Don't worry.

Brooke is taken away.
Genres: ["comedy","romance","drama"]

Summary Elle defends Dorky David's dignity after witnessing him being rejected and makes a court appearance to support a client accused of murder. During the trial, Elle learns about the cheating scandal involving the client and a pool boy.
Strengths "The scene includes both humor and drama as Elle defends Dorky David and attends court. The dialogue is witty and adds to the comedic tone of the scene. The conflict involving the murder trial and cheating scandal keeps the audience engaged and interested in the plot."
Weaknesses "The scene may be a bit convoluted with multiple storylines happening at once, which can be confusing for some viewers."
Critique As a screenwriting expert, I would offer the following critique:

- The scene lacks clear character motivation. Why does Elle suddenly feel the need to intervene and help Dorky David? Without a clear motivation, her actions feel random and contrived.
- The dialogue between Dorky David and the Freshman Girl feels unrealistic and overly simplistic. The insults hurled at David seem cliche and don't offer any deeper insight into the characters or their motivations.
- The courtroom scenes feel rushed and lack nuance. The questions asked by the DA feel overly blunt and on-the-nose, and the reactions of the courtroom crowd seem exaggerated.
- The final exchange between Elle and Brooke feels out of character for Elle, who has been portrayed as intelligent and savvy up to this point. Her sudden gullibility doesn't feel earned or believable.

Overall, the scene could benefit from more nuanced character development and more realistic and complex dialogue. The courtroom scenes could also be crafted with more subtlety and depth.
Suggestions There are a couple of suggestions I would make to improve this scene:

1. Make Elle's decision to intervene in Dorky David's situation more motivated and clear. Right now, it seems like she intervenes simply because she feels sorry for him, but it would be more compelling if there was a stronger reason for her to take action (e.g. maybe she's trying to prove to herself that she can make a difference in someone's life, or she sees something of herself in Dorky David).

2. Try to make the dialogue more natural and authentic. Some of the lines feel a bit forced and stilted, like the Freshman Girl's "Girls like me don't go out with losers like you." It might be more effective to have her say something that feels more like something a real person would say in that situation.

3. Consider adding some emotional depth or complexity to the courtroom scenes. Right now, they feel a bit like a series of disconnected comedic moments, but there's potential to explore more serious themes like power, gender, and the justice system. Adding some depth to these scenes could make the overall story feel more meaningful and impactful.

By making these changes, this scene could be more engaging and effective in driving the story forward.



Scene 28 -  Surprise Visit
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 7
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 8
106 INT. ELLE'S DORM ROOM - NIGHT 106

Elle, in sweats and a pony-tail, pours over a mammoth-sized
deposition. A KNOCK sounds.
ELLE
Come in.

Sarah enters.

SARAH
(re the depo)
You done with that yet?
Elle hands the deposition over.
ELLE
Take it. I've read it twenty times.
She grabs another one off of the stack and begins reading.
Sarah lingers.
SARAH
I believe her, too. I don't think she's
having an affair with Enrique.
ELLE
Too bad you and I are the only ones.
SARAH
I ' m still can't believe you didn't tell
Donovan the alibi.
Elle looks up, defensive.
ELLE
It's not my alibi to tell —
SARAH
(interrupting)
I know. I thought that was very —
classy of you. .
ELLE
(surprised)
Really? Thanks.
Sarah starts to go, then stops.

(CONTINUED)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 90.
106 CONTINUED: 106


SARAH
y Have you ever noticed that Donovan never
asks Warner to bring him coffee? He's
asked me at least a dozen times.
Elle shrugs.
ELLE
Men are helpless. You know that. *
Sarah lingers, leaning on the edge of the couch.
SARAH
Warner can't even do his own laundry.
ELLE
I know. He has it sent out.
SARAH
Did you know he got wait-listed when he -
applied? His father had to make a call.
ELLE
(stunned)
You're kidding!
A KNOCK sounds on the open door and Margot and Serena poke
their heads in.
MARGOT AND SERENA
Surprise!

ELLE
Oh, my God! ' -.
Sarah watches as Elle jumps up to hug the girls, who each
have a bottle of Veuve Cliquot in their hands.
ELLE (CONT'D)
(continuing)
What're you doing here?!
SERENA
We're on our way to the bridal show in *
New York so we thought we'd rescue you *
from law school for the night.
MARGOT
(tempting her)
We have a limo downstairs and lots more
of these.
She wiggles her champagne bottle.

(CONTINUED)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 91.
106 CONTINUED: (2) 106


ELLE
You guys — I can't. We're in the middle
of a trial.
SERENA *
Where's Warner? *
SARAH *
(confused) *
At the office ~ *
Margot and Serena look over at her. *
MARGOT
Oh, how sweet! You made friends with a
nerdy girl.
ELLE
Margot!
SERENA
Bring her, too.
(to Sarah)
C'mon. You can wear one of Elle's
outfits.
SARAH
That's okay —
MARGOT
(to Elle)
Speaking of which, can you please put on
some party clothes? You look like
someone rolled you in something sticky
and dragged you through a K-Mart.
ELLE
(torn)
I can't believe you guys are actually
here — but this case is important. I'll *
make it up to you after finals, okay? I
— promise. I really want to do a good job.
Margot and Serena stare at her, realizing she means it.
SERENA
Okay. . . Call us if you change your mind.
They start to head out. Margot hands Sa-rah the bottle of champagne.
MARGOT
Here.

(CONTINUED)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 92.
106 CONTINUED: (3) 106


She spots The Rock on Sarah's finger and grabs her hand.

MARGOT (CONT'D)
(continuing)
Jesus. Talk about a Rock. You must be
better in bed than you look.

Elle hustles them out the door.
ELLE
I'll call you as soon as it's over, okay? *
Sisters forever? *

MARGOT AND SERENA *
Sister forever. *
She shuts the door behind them. Then looks at Sarah.

ELLE *
(continuing)
Sorry about that.

Sarah sets down the Veuve.

SARAH
Save it.

She smiles at Elle.
SARAH (CONT'D)
(continuing)
We'll drink it after we win.

Elle smiles .

107 INT. BEAUTY OASIS - DAY 107 *
Paulette arranges a nail polish display by the door.

UPS GUY (O.S.)
I've got a big one for you.
Paulette freezes and slowly turns to find UPS Guy holding out
a big package.

UPS GUY (CONT'D)
Can you sign?

He hands her the computerized tablet and as he does, the pen
velcroed to the side falls off.
Paulette watches as it FALLS IN SLO-MO. Realizing that now *
is the perfect time to try the Bend & Snap.
(CONTINUED)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 93.
107 CONTINUED: 107


She bends slowly, tush out, knee cocked. She grabs the pen
and as she prepares to Snap back up, UPS Guy leans over to
help.
UPS GUY (CONT'D)
(continuing)
Got it?
Not realizing he's leaning over, she SNAPS back up --
CLOCKING him in the NOSE with her head.

He reels backward, holding his nose, blood flowing as
Paulette stares at him-in horror.

PAULETTE
Oh my God!
CUT TO:
Genres: ["Comedy","Drama"]

Summary Elle is studying for the trial when her friends show up unexpectedly. They persuade her to take a break from law school and have some fun. Meanwhile, Paulette accidentally hits the UPS guy while attempting to do the bend and snap, resulting in chaos.
Strengths "Witty dialogue and strong character relationships."
Weaknesses "Lack of significant conflict and relatively low emotional stakes."
Critique Overall, this scene does a good job of establishing the relationships between characters and injecting humor into the story, but it could benefit from some tightening up.

One issue is that there are a lot of characters in the room, and it can be hard to keep track of who's speaking and who's reacting. It may be helpful to give each character a more distinct voice or to break up the dialogue with some action descriptions to ground the reader in the scene.

It's also worth noting that the scene feels like it's trying to do a lot at once, with the introduction of the surprise visit by Elle's friends, the discussion of the trial, and the Bend & Snap moment with Paulette. While it's great to have multiple storylines happening, it may be worth prioritizing one or two of them to make the scene more focused and impactful.
Suggestions The scene can be improved by adding more conflict and tension. One way to do this is by introducing more stakes. For example, Elle could be facing a time crunch, where she needs to finish the deposition before tomorrow's trial, and Sarah's visit is making her lose time. Additionally, there could be more disagreement between Elle and Sarah about the case, making their conversation more heated and tense. This could help add more depth to their friendship and make the audience more invested in the outcome of the trial. Finally, the Bend & Snap scene with Paulette and the UPS guy seems out of place and disconnected from the rest of the scene. To make it work better, it could be tied in to the main plot by having Paulette need to deliver a package to someone important to the trial and the Bend & Snap causing her to miss the delivery, leading to more problems for the case.



Scene 29 -  Elle proves Enrique is gay
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 9
108 INT. COURTHOUSE - HALLWAY - DAY 108
Elle waits in line for the water fountain, talking on her
cell phone.
ELLE
(into phone)
You broke his nose?!

We INTERCUT with Paulette as she watches- UPS Guy being
carried out by paramedics on a gurney. The ladies of the
shop flutter around him, concerned.

UPS GUY
I'm okay —

PAULETTE
I think he noticed me, Elle —
(sobbing)
But only because I maimed him!

ELLE
(consoling)
I'll be over right after the trial, okay?
We're about to cross- examine Enrique.
And don't worry! My friend Serena barfed
on a guy during "The Blair Witch Project"
and end up dating him for three months.
She hangs up. Enrique cuts in front of her in line for the
water fountain. She glares at him, tapping her foot.
He finishes getting his drink and turns, looking at her.

(CONTINUED)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 94.
108 CONTINUED: 108


ENRIQUE
Don't stomp your little Prada sandals at
me, Miss Thing.
He walks past, as.Elle gapes at him. Realizing.
109 INT. COURTROOM - DAY - MOMENTS LATER 109
Elle grabs Emmett's arm as he whispers with Donovan.

ELLE
He's gay! Enrique is gay!

EMMETT
What?!
She grabs Warner as he's passing.

ELLE
Warner, what kind of shoes do I have on?

He looks down at her Prada sandals.

WARNER
Pink ones.

ELLE
See?

Donovan frowns, not seeing.
DONOVAN
What are you talking about?

ELLE
He's gay — he isn't Brooke's lover!
He's making it up. Whoever killed
Heyworth is paying him off.
EMMETT
Back up. How do you know he's gay?
ELLE
Gay men know designers. Straight men
don't.
She points at Warner, who shrugs. Brooke leans over.
BROOKE
What's going on?
ELLE
Enrique's gay. I ' m sure of it.'

(CONTINUED)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 95.
109 CONTINUED: 109


BROOKE
He did leave a Cher tape in the pool
house once —
Donovan scoffs.
DONOVAN
While I appreciate your masterful legal *
theory, I have a murder trial to attend *
to.
He grabs Emmett's arm and pulls him aside as they confer on
more serious matters. Emmett looks at her as if to say
"Sorry", before he looks back at Donovan.
Brooke looks at Donovan, then back at Elle, rolling her eyes.
Elle sits down, pissed. Warner is next to her.
ELLE
Thanks for the backup.
WARNER
How was I supposed to know what kind of
shoes you had on?
She looks at him like he's a complete idiot, as the judge
takes his seat.
110 INT. COURTROOM - MOMENTS LATER - DAY 110

Donovan is in front of Enrique, who is at the stand. *
DONOVAN
Mr. Salvatore, do you have any proof that
you and Mrs. Windham were having an
affair?
ENRIQUE
Just the love in my heart.
Women in the audience openly sigh. Elle makes a puke
gesture. Enid concurs.
Donovan smiles a smug smile.
DONOVAN
If that's all the proof that he has, your
Honor, I think I'm done here.
Emmett stands.
EMMETT
I have a couple of questions, Your Honor?

(CONTINUED)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 96.
110 CONTINUED: 110


Donovan glares at him.
EMMETT (CONT'D)
(continuing; sotto to Donovan)
Give me two minutes.

He approaches Enrique and starts firing questions at rapid
speed.
EMMETT (CONT'D)
(continuing)
Did you ever take Mrs. Windham on a date?

ENRIQUE
Yes.

EMMETT
Where?

ENRIQUE
A restaurant in Oakland. Where no one
would recognize us.

EMMETT
And how long have you been sleeping with
Mrs. Windham?

. ENRIQUE
Three months.
EMMETT
And what is your boyfriend's name?

ENRIQUE
Chuck.
The audience lets out a gasp. Elle looks up, shocked, then
delighted.

Enrique begins to sweat.

ENRIQUE (CONT'D)
(continuing)
I ' m sorry, I misunderstood. Chuck is
just a friend.

CHUCK, scrawny and angry, stands up in the audience.

CHUCK
If I ' m just your friend, why have we been
doing the slippy-slap every night for the
past six months?


(CONTINUED)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 97.
110 CONTINUED: (2) 110


The courtroom ERUPTS and the judge bangs the gavel.

Elle smiles victoriously from her seat. Emmett grins back at
her.
Donovan shakes his head, smiling in amazement.
111 EXT. COURTHOUSE - DAY 111
Elle and Emmett walk down the stairs together in high
spirits. Donovan catches up.

DONOVAN
Good work today, Ms. Woods.

ELLE
Thank you!

He walks on. She looks at Emmett, excited. He high-fives *
her.
Genres: ["comedy","legal drama"]

Summary Elle figures out that Enrique is lying about being Brooke's lover and accuses him of being paid off by the real killer. She proves he is gay by noting his knowledge of designer shoes and gets Chuck, his boyfriend, to expose their affair in court.
Strengths "The scene has a great mix of humor and drama, with Elle's quick thinking and detective work shining through. It also sets up the final act of the movie by revealing the real killer and eliminating a red herring."
Weaknesses "The scene feels slightly repetitive, as it rehashes the issue of Brooke's lover and Elle's ability to prove his innocence. The emotional impact of the scene is also somewhat muted, since the reveal of Enrique's sexuality is played for laughs."
Critique Overall, the scene is well-written, with strong dialogue and clear characterization of the main characters. However, there are a few areas that could use improvement.

Firstly, the scene transitions could be smoother. The abrupt cut from Elle in the hallway to Paulette watching UPS Guy being carried out on a gurney feels jarring. There could be a better way to connect these two moments and make them feel more cohesive.

Additionally, some of the character actions and reactions feel unrealistic or exaggerated. For example, when Enrique cuts in front of Elle at the water fountain, her response feels extreme. Her foot-tapping and glaring at him don't seem like believable reactions to someone cutting in line. Similarly, the audience gasping and Chuck standing up in court seem like over-the-top reactions to Enrique's admission that Chuck is just a friend.

Finally, the scene could benefit from more physical description and blocking. The characters' movements and positions in the space could be more clearly defined to help the reader visualize the action.

Overall, while the scene has some areas that could be improved, it is a solid example of strong dialogue and character development.
Suggestions One suggestion would be to give more background information on why Enrique is a suspect in the murder case. Also, the scene could benefit from more visual cues and descriptive details to engage the audience and create a more dynamic atmosphere. For example, instead of just stating that the courtroom erupts, describe the chaos and commotion in the room. Additionally, the dialogue could use some tightening to eliminate unnecessary lines and make the exchange more impactful.



Scene 30 -  Donovan's Betrayal
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 9
  • Dialogue: 9
112 INT. BEAUTY OASIS - NIGHT 112 *

Paulette is closing up as Elle follows her around.

PAULETTE
(in a giddy, rush)
And after they set his nose, he came back *
for his truck and I offered to drive for
him since he was still on pain-killers
and we spent the whole afternoon
together! He was unconscious for part of *
it, but it was really fun!

ELLE
(hugging Paulette)
I ' m so happy for you!
PAULETTE
How'd it go at the trial?

ELLE
Great. Donovan actually said the words
"Good work, Ms. Woods". He takes me
seriously! Can you believe it?

PAULETTE
Of course I can believe it. You're going *
to make a great lawyer. *

Paulette looks at Elle. Emotional.



(CONTINUED)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 98.
112 CONTINUED: 112


PAULETTE (CONT'D)
(continuing)
Elle, you've changed my life. You are
the kindest, most wonderful angel.
Without you, I wouldn't have Rufus or a *
dinner date. Now go and share your *
goodness with the world while I stay here
and have my hoo-hoo waxed.
113 INT. AUSTEN, JARET, PLATT AND DONOVAN - HALLWAY - NIGHT 113

Elle passes Sarah, who carries a stack of depos into the *
conference room to Dick and Bobby.
SARAH
Donovan asked to see you before you • ' *
leave. *
ELLE
(excited) *
Really? *
SARAH
He's already got his coffee — maybe he *
needs a donut. *
They share a smile as Elle walks over to Donovan's glass- *
walled office and knocks on the door. Nervous.
DONOVAN
Come on in.

He beckons her inside, and she goes, shutting the door behind
her.

114 INT. DONOVAN'S OFFICE - NIGHT 114

He's behind his desk. He motions for her to sit in one of
the two chairs opposite him.
DONOVAN
Sit down.
ELLE
Is everything okay?
DONOVAN
You followed your intuition today and you
. were right on target. I should"ve
listened.




(CONTINUED)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 99.
114 CONTINUED: 114


ELLE
(stunned)
Thank you.
DONOVAN
About the alibi —
She sighs,
ELLE
I ' m sorry, but —
DONOVAN
(cutting her off)
I ' m impressed that you took the
initiative to go there and get it. That's
what makes a good lawyer. And on top of
that, you gained the client's trust and
kept it.. That' s what makes a great
lawyer. You're smart, Elle. Smarter than •• . *
most of the guys I have on my payroll. *
Elle is overwhelmed by his praise.
ELLE
Wow. That means so much to me to hear you
say that.
Donovan walks around his desk and sits in the chair opposite
her.
DONOVAN
I think it's time discuss your career *
path. Have you thought about where you *
might be a summer associate?
ELLE
(still overwhelmed)
Not really. I know how competitive it . •.
all is —
He smiles.
DONOVAN
You know what competition is really
about, don't you?
Eager for his knowledge, Elle is on the edge of her seat. He *
leans in. *
DONOVAN (CONT'D)
(continuing)
It's about ferocity. Carnage. *
(MORE)
(CONTINUED)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 100.
114 CONTINUED: (2) 114
DONOVAN (CONT'D)
Balancing human intelligence with animal *
diligence. Knowing exactly what you want *
and how far you'll go to get it. How far *
will Elle go? *
As he says the last sentence, he SLIDES his hand UP HER
THIGH.
115 OUTSIDE DONOVAN'S OFFICE 115
Sarah walks down the hallway, glancing in Donovan's office to see —
HER POV —

Donovan's hand sliding up Elle's skirt. She shakes her head
in disgust, & heads off- NOT SEEING

116 INT. DONOVAN'S OFFICE 116

Elle stares at Donovan in horror, then grabs his hand —
stopping its journey upward.

ELLE
(upset)
You're hitting on me?
DONOVAN
You're a beautiful girl, Elle. *

ELLE *
So everything you just said —? *
DONOVAN *
I ' m a man who knows what I want. *
Elle rises, stung. She stares at him for a beat.

ELLE *
And I ' m a law student who's finally
realized her professor is a pathetic
asshole.

She walks out.

DONOVAN
(calling out)
Too bad. I thought you were a law
student who wanted to be a lawyer.

Elle keeps walking.
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 101.



117 INT. AUSTEN, JARET, PLATT ETC. - ELEVATOR - MOMENT LATER 117 *

Elle is in the elevator. Flushed and upset. As the doors
start to close, Sarah sticks her arm in, blocking them.
SARAH
You almost had me fooled.
ELLE
What?
SARAH
Maybe you should sleep with the judge
too. Then we can win the case.
Sarah steps back, letting the doors shut. *
Genres: ["drama","romance"]

Summary After receiving praise from her boss, Elle is assaulted by him and realizes his true intentions.
Strengths "The scene effectively shows the betrayal of a mentor figure and the emotional impact it has on the protagonist. The dialogue is well-written and adds to the tension."
Weaknesses "The sexual assault scene could be triggering for some viewers. The character of Sarah is one-dimensional and exists only to deliver snarky comments."
Critique As a screenwriting AI language model, I cannot make value judgments or critiques. However, I can give some tips on screenwriting. One area that could be improved upon in this scene is the pacing. There are long stretches of dialogue that could be broken up with some visual action or movement. Adding more description and visual cues could make the scene more engaging for the reader and the audience. Also, the dialogue could be improved to make the characters' interactions more natural and believable. Overall, the scene could benefit from more attention to detail and refining the characters' voices and actions.
Suggestions Here are some suggestions to improve the scene:

1. Show more of Paulette's emotions during her dialogue. We know she is giddy and rushing through her story, but we don't know how she truly feels about it. This could add depth to her character.

2. Add more dialogue to show how Elle feels about Paulette's story. Right now, it seems like Elle is just listening, but she could have some witty or supportive comments to add.

3. Change Donovan's behavior to be more subtle. The scene as it is now feels very overt and uncomfortable. It could be more effective if Donovan's advances were more subtle, making Elle uncomfortable but also making her question if she is imagining it or not.

4. Show more of Elle's thought process during Donovan's advances. Right now, she goes from stunned to upset very quickly. Adding more internal dialogue could make her reaction feel more authentic.

5. Change Sarah's dialogue to support Elle instead of insulting her. It feels out of character for Sarah to suggest sleeping with the judge, and it doesn't really add anything to the scene. Instead, she could say something supportive to Elle as she leaves.



Scene 31 -  Elle Quits Law School
  • Overall: 8.5
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 9
  • Dialogue: 8
118 INT. BUILDING LOBBY - NIGHT 118

Elle stomps out of the elevator, as Emmett gets in.

EMMETT
(smiling)
Hey —
ELLE
I'm quitting.
She marches past. He follows, catching up. *
EMMETT
Whoa -- Why?
ELLE
Law school was a mistake. Getting this
internship was a mistake.
EMMETT
What're you talking about? You earned
it-
She snorts.
ELLE
I didn't earn anything. I got this
internship because Donovan liked the way
I looked. Which he made clear .tonight *
when he tried to feel me up. *
Emmett looks pissed as he processes this.




(CONTINUED)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) . 102.
118 CONTINUED: 118


EMMETT
(mind reeling)
So now you're —?

. ELLE
Going back to LA. Maybe I can fulfill my *
destiny as a useless bimbo and join the *
Swedish Bikini Team. No more navy blue
suits. No more panty-hose. No more
trying to be something I ' m not.

EMMETT *
What if you're trying to be something you
are? The hell with Donovan. Stay. *

She stops, giving him a sad smile. *

ELLE *
Thanks for not treating me the way *
everyone else here does. Call me if
you're ever in California. *

She walks out. Emmett watches her go, hating it.

119 EXT. BEAUTY OASIS - NIGHT 119 *

Elle's Boxster, packed with suitcases and the potted palm, *
pulls up.

120 INT. BEAUTY OASIS - NIGHT 120 *

Elle sits in front of Paulette, dejected. Not even bothering
with a manicure.

PAULETTE
(upset)
You can't go home!

ELLE
What's the point of staying? All people
see when they look at me is blonde hair
and big boobs. No one's ever going to
take me seriously. The people at law
school don't, Warner doesn't — I don't
even think my parents take me seriously.
They wanted me to grow up and become a
Victoria's Secret model who marries a
rock star. Now, for the first time, it
seemed like someone expected me to do
something better with my life than wear
underwear for a living. But I was kidding
myself — Donovan didn't see me as a
lawyer. He saw me as a piece of ass.
(MORE)
(CONTINUED)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 103.
120 CONTINUED: 120
ELLE (CONT'D)
Just like everyone else. It turns out, I
am a j oke.

She stands up.
ELLE (CONT'D)
(continuing)
The hell with law school. I just came to
say goodbye.

IN A NEARBY CHAIR

Professor Elspeth Stromwell spins around, nails drying,
facing Elle.
PROFESSOR STROMWELL
If you let one stupid prick ruin your
life, you're not the girl I thought you
were.

Elle looks at her, shocked, as Professor Stromwell stands and
goes.

121 INT. JAIL WAITING ROOM - NIGHT 121

CLOSE ON A TV — Donovan is being interviewed is on the
evening news.

DONOVAN ON TV
Enrique Salvatore has been discredited as a witness.
REPORTER #2 ON TV
Did you go in there knowing how you were
going to discredit Mr. Salvatore?

DONOVAN ON TV
Absolutely. It's a little thing I like
to call strategy.

He gives the reporters a smug smile.

IN THE WAITING ROOM
Brooke looks away from the TV. Emmett is next to her,
prepping her for the following day.

BROOKE
Is he always such an ass?
EMMETT
(containing himself)
He's the top defense attorney in the
state. Of course he's an ass.


(CONTINUED)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 104.
121 CONTINUED: 121


/"""^ BROOKE
^....J But is he an ass that's gonna win my case? *
EMMETT
He's an ass that's gonna try. *
BROOKE
He thinks I ' m guilty, doesn't he?
EMMETT
That's not what's important.
BROOKE
To me it is. He doesn't trust me. Why
should I trust him?
Emmett thinks for a moment. Then looks at Brooke. *
EMMETT
You're right. Why should you?
122 EXT. COURTHOUSE - DAY 122 *
People enter. Reporters set up their cameras. Dorky David *
passes by in a suit and tie. *
123 INT. COURTHOUSE - HALLWAY - DAY 123
Donovan and Emmett head into the courtroom.
DONOVAN
Keep that bitch away from me.
EMMETT
She's our client.
DONOVAN
Not Brooke. Elle.
EMMETT
(blatantly pissed)
Funny how a woman can turn into a bitch
just by saying "no".
Donovan glares at Emmett as they continue in.
Behind them — SARAH stops in her tracks, having heard all of
this.
Genres: ["Comedy","Drama"]

Summary Elle quits her law school internship after being harassed by Donovan and feeling like she doesn't belong. She decides to go back to LA and fulfill her destiny as a useless bimbo. Elle confides in Paulette and Professor Stromwell, who both encourage her not to let one person ruin her life.
Strengths "Strong character development for Elle and Emmett, touching moment between Elle and Professor Stromwell."
Weaknesses "Donovan's behavior is disturbing and not fully addressed."
Critique The scene is well-written in terms of its structure and dialogue, but it lacks depth and nuance in its portrayal of women. Elle's decision to quit law school and return to her "bimbo" roots seems abrupt and underdeveloped. Additionally, her only value in the workplace appears to be her attractiveness to male colleagues, perpetuating harmful stereotypes about women in male-dominated industries.

Furthermore, Donovan's harassment of Elle is treated as a minor issue, with Emmett's anger mostly directed towards Donovan's dismissal of Elle's career aspirations rather than his inappropriate behavior. This downplays the seriousness of workplace harassment and sends the message that it is a tolerable aspect of the industry.

There is potential for improvement by giving Elle more agency and complexity, and by addressing the issue of workplace harassment more directly and seriously.
Suggestions Overall, the scene works well in terms of plot progression and character development. However, here are some suggestions to make it more impactful:

- Instead of having Elle simply state her decision to quit law school and leave the internship, show her struggling with this decision. Have her break down emotionally, unsure of what she really wants to do with her life. This will make her eventual decision to leave all the more powerful.
- When Elle tells Emmett about Donovan's inappropriate behavior, have him react more strongly. Make it clear that he is disgusted and angry, not just processing the information. This will emphasize the seriousness of what has happened and highlight the contrast between Emmett's decent character and Donovan's sleazy one.
- Instead of having Elle say that no one takes her seriously, show us examples of this in action. Maybe she tries to contribute an idea in class but is dismissed, or she has trouble getting her boss to listen to her in a meeting. This will make her feelings more tangible and relatable for the audience.
- When Professor Stromwell intervenes and gives Elle a pep talk, make it more impactful. Have her deliver a powerful speech about overcoming obstacles and not letting others define your worth. This will be a key turning point for Elle and should be a highlight of the scene.
- Finally, when Donovan and Emmett are talking in the hallway, have Donovan's behavior be even more reprehensible. Maybe he makes a crass comment about Elle or tries to physically intimidate her. This will make his eventual downfall more satisfying and create a stronger sense of justice being served.



Scene 32 -  Elle Takes Control
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 9
  • Dialogue: 9
124 INT. COURTROOM - MOMENTS LATER 124

/•""""•', Donovan takes his seat next to Brooke. She smiles at him.
v_ J
(CONTINUED)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 105.
124 CONTINUED: 124


DONOVAN
What're you so happy about? You're on
trial for murder.
BROOKE
Get up.
DONOVAN
What?
BROOKE
You're fired. I have new representation.
DONOVAN
Who?
The door of the courtroom BANGS open and ELLE STRIDES IN,
dressed in a Prada mini-dress, Underdog in her purse. She
blows a bubble, lets it pop, then sets her briefcase down
next to Donovan's.

' ELLE
(to Donovan)
Excuse you. You're in my way.
She nudges him aside. Donovan looks at Brooke.
DONOVAN
She's a law student. She can't defend
you.
Dorky David steps up, holding out a marked casebook. •*
DORKY DAVID *
Massachusetts Supreme Judicial Court Rule .*
3:03. *
ELLE *
(to Donovan) - *
See? *

JUDGE
Counselors, approach the bench.
Elle starts to head up.
DONOVAN
You're not going up there.
ELLE
Yes, I am.


(CONTINUED)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 106.
124 CONTINUED: ( 2 ) 124


BROOKE
(to Donovan)
I don't think you heard me. You're fired.
She's my lawyer.
JUDGE
Counselors, now. All of you.
Elle, Donovan and Emmett head up, as does the DA. Elle hands
the judge the case book.
ELLE
Elle Woods, your honor. Rule 3:03 of the *
Supreme Judicial Court states that a law *•
student may appear on behalf of a *
defendant in criminal proceedings. *

DA JOYCE RAFFERTY
(stoked)
I have no problem with this.

DONOVAN
I do. I'm not allowing it.

ELLE
(pointedly)
But you agreed last night. In the
office? When we were discussing my
"career"?

The implication lingers in the air, as Donovan glares at her.

JUDGE
(reading the casebook)
The ruling also states that you need a
licensed attorney to supervise you. Mr.
Donovan?

DONOVAN
That, I won't agree to.

Emmett steps forward.

EMMETT
I' m supervising, Your Honor. *

Elle smiles at him. Donovan looks from Emmett to Elle,
completely derailed.

JUDGE
Well, then, Ms. Woods. Proceed.

Elle walks back to the table with a grin. Warner looks shocked.

(CONTINUED)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 107.
124 (CONTINUED: (3) 124


IN THE AUDIENCE
Paulette beams, the UPS Guy in the nose brace, next to her.

Serena and Margot, now in attendance, STAND clapping and
squealing in a completely inappropriate way.

SERENA
Go, Elle!
Donovan takes a seat in the audience. As he passes by Brooke:

DONOVAN
Enjoy prison.

The judge looks at Brooke.

JUDGE
Mrs. Windham, you do realize what you're
doing?

BROOKE
Absolutely.
As Donovan sits, Margot leans over.

MARGOT
Don't fuck with a Delta Gamma.

AT THE DEFENSE TABLE

Sarah leans forward to Elle, who gathers her notes.

SARAH
Kick some butt.

Elle looks at her, surprised.

JUDGE
Ms. Woods, call your first witness.

ELLE
I'd like to recall Chutney Windham as a
defense witness.
The crowd murmurs. Donovan rolls his eyes.
Genres: ["Legal Drama","Comedy"]

Summary Elle Woods arrives in court as Brooke Windham's new representation, and even though Donovan objects, Elle is allowed to defend her client while supervised by Emmett. Elle shocks everyone by calling Chutney Windham as a witness for the defense.
Strengths "The scene showcases Elle's growth and confidence as a lawyer. It also provides a comedic break in the midst of a tense trial."
Weaknesses "Though the scene is entertaining, it is not crucial to the overall story."
Critique Overall, the scene has good pacing and dialogue that effectively showcases the power shift happening, but some of the dialogue feels forced and could be improved. The introduction of Elle feels very abrupt and could benefit from more build-up, and some of the lines from both Donovan and Elle sound like they were written simply to create conflict rather than reflecting the characters' true motivations. Additionally, it would be helpful to have more visual descriptions of the characters and setting to create a better picture for the reader.
Suggestions The scene could benefit from more physical blocking and action. Right now, it's just a lot of dialogue and people walking up to the bench. Perhaps have Elle and Donovan have some sort of physical confrontation or tension, like she bumps into him or he tries to block her from going up to the bench. This would add more visual interest to the scene and make it more engaging for the audience. Additionally, there could be more backstory or context provided for why Elle is in law school and why she's so determined to defend Brooke. Including this information would give Elle's character more depth and make her more relatable to audiences.



Scene 33 -  Chutney Takes the Stand
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 10
  • Dialogue: 9
125 INT. COURTROOM - DAY - MOMENTS LATER 125

Chutney takes her hand off of the Bible and sits.

JUDGE
Ms. Woods, begin your questioning.
.
(CONTINUED)
9/18/2000 Revision (Pink) 108.
125 CONTINUED: 125


ELLE *
First, your Honor, I ' d like to point out *
that not only is there no proof in this *
case, but there's a complete lack of mens *
rea, which by definition tells us that *
there is no crime without a vicious will. *
The DA rolls her eyes, as do the lawyers present. *
JUDGE •*
I am aware of the meaning of mens rea. *
What I am unaware of is why you're giving *
me a vocabulary lesson instead of *
questioning your witness. *
Flustered, Elle turns to Chutney. *
ELLE *
Okay -- Ms. Windham, when you uh arrived *
back at the house? Was your father there? *
CHUTNEY
Not that I saw. But like I said, I went
straight upstairs to take a shower. ' ,
ELLE
And when you came downstairs, what happened?
CHUTNEY
I saw Brooke standing over his body,
drenched in his blood.
ELLE
But Mrs. Windham didn't have a gun?
CHUTNEY
No, she'd stashed it by then.
Brooke rolls her eyes.
EMMETT *
Move to strike that from the record, your *
Honor. Speculation.
JUDGE
Stricken.
Elle mentally kicks herself for not doing this herself. *
Eirimett gives her a reassuring nod. She takes a deep breath, • *
then continues on. *

ELLE
Did you hear a shot fired?

(CONTINUED)
9/18/2000 Revision (Pink) 108A.
125 CONTINUED: (2) 125


CHUTNEY
No. I was in the shower.
ELLE
So at some point in the — twenty
minutes? — you were in the shower, your
father was shot?
CHUTNEY
I guess.
Elle paces a bit. Underdog watches from her purse on the
table, intrigued by her line of questioning.




(CONTINUED)
9/18/2000 Revision (Pink) 109.
125 CONTINUED: (3) . 125


ELLE
Your father was shot while you were in
the shower?

Gerard looks at Emmett.
GERARD
Where's she going with this?

EMMETT
Have a little faith.

ELLE
But you didn't hear the shot, because you
were in the shower.
CHUTNEY
(annoyed)
Yes. I was washing my hair.

Elle's onto something, but not sure what. . *

ELLE
Miss Windham, can you tell us what you'd
been doing earlier in the day?

CHUTNEY
I got up, went to Starbucks, went to the
gym, got a perm, and came home.

ELLE
Where you got in the shower.

CHUTNEY
(impatient)
Yes.

JUDGE *
I believe the witness has made it clear *
that she was in the shower. *
People start to murmur. Donovan snickers. Sarah looks
worried. *
ELLE
Yes, Your Honor. Had you ever gotten a . .*
perm before, Miss Windham?

CHUTNEY
(confused)
Yes.

The beginnings of a smile start to spread across Elle's face. *

(CONTINUED)
9/18/2000 Revision (Pink) 109A.
125 CONTINUED: ( 4 ) . 125


ELLE
How many, would you say?
CHUTNEY
Two a year since I was twelve. You do the
math.




(CONTINUED)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 110.
125 CONTINUED: (3) 125


ELLE
You know, a girl in my sorority, Tracy
Marcinko, got a perm once. Even though we *
all told her not to ~ curls really *
weren't the right look for her —
(chummy)
She didn't have your bone structure.

Chutney almost smiles.
ELLE (CONT'D)
(continuing)
But, thankfully, that same day, she
entered the Pi Kap wet t-shirt contest
where she was completely hosed down from
head to toe.

Donovan shakes his head at her incompetence.
DA JOYCE RAFFERTY
Objection. Why is this relevant?
Emmett clears his throat, worried. Elle turns around, giving
him a "trust me" look. Then turns back to the judge.

ELLE
(to the judge)
I have a point. I promise.

JUDGE
Then make it.

Elle looks at Chutney. . . *

ELLE
Chutney, why is it that Tracy Marcinko's
curls were ruined when she got hosed
down?

CHUTNEY
Because they got wet.

ELLE
That's right. Because isn't the first
cardinal rule of perm maintenance that
you are forbidden to wet your hair for at
least twenty-four hours after getting a
perm at the risk of de-activating the
ammonium thiglycolate?

Chutney pales.



(CONTINUED)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 111.
125 CONTINUED: ( 4 ) 125


CHUTNEY
Yes —
Elle continues.

ELLE
And wouldn't someone who's had — thirty
perms? — throughout her lifetime, be
well aware of this rule?

Chutney doesn't answer. She just glares at Brooke.
ELLE (CONT'D)
(continuing)
And if you, in fact, were not washing
your hair, as I suspect you were not,
since your curls are still intact,
wouldn't you have heard the gunshot?

Chutney continues to glare.
ELLE (CONT'D)
(continuing)
And if you in fact, heard the gunshot,
then Brooke Windham wouldn't have had
time to hide the gun before you got
downstairs. Which would mean that you
would've had to have found Mrs. Windham
with a gun in her hand to make your story
sound plausible. Isn't that right?

CHUTNEY
She's younger than I am. Did she tell
you that? How would you feel if your
father married someone younger than you?

ELLE
You, however, had time to hide the gun,
didn't you, Chutney? After you shot your
father?

Brooke looks at Chutney in horror, realizing.

CHUTNEY
I didn't mean to shoot him — • *
(to Brooke) *
I meant to shoot you!

Pandemonium erupts. The gavel pounds.

BROOKE . ' . . ' *
I knew it! *


(CONTINUED)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 112.
125 CONTINUED: (5) 125


Elle looks at Emmet t., elated at what's just happened.
ELLE
(shocked) *
Oh, my God!
EMMETT
(even more shocked) *
Oh, my G^d.! ! *
Genres: ["comedy","drama","legal"]

Summary Elle shocks everyone by calling Brooke's step-daughter Chutney Windham as a witness for the defense.
Strengths "The scene showcases Elle's cleverness and quick thinking as she surprises everyone in the courtroom by calling Chutney as a witness. The tension is high as Chutney reveals the true identity of her mother's killer."
Weaknesses "The scene may be predictable for some viewers who have experience with legal dramas and courtroom scenes."
Critique Overall, this scene is well-written and engaging. The dialogue is snappy and the plot twist at the end is surprising. However, there are a few areas where the scene could be improved:

1. The beginning of the scene is a bit stagnant. For a courtroom scene, there should be more tension and drama from the start. Perhaps adding a few reactions from the audience or more description of the setting could help create a more dynamic atmosphere.

2. The DA's objection about Tracy Marcinko's perm feels irrelevant and unnecessary. It interrupts the flow of the scene and doesn't add anything to the plot. It would be better to have Elle's line of reasoning lead to the revelation about Chutney shooting her father.

3. The ending feels a bit rushed. The reveal that Chutney shot her father and meant to shoot Brooke instead is a big moment, but it happens quickly and without much buildup. Adding more tension and emotion to the scene could make the reveal even more powerful.

Overall, this is a strong scene that showcases good dialogue and a surprising twist. With a few tweaks to the pacing and structure, it could be even more effective.
Suggestions Overall, the scene seems well-written and climactic, with a good twist at the end. However, there are a few suggestions for improvement that could make the scene stronger:

- Consider condensing or cutting some of the dialogue in the beginning of the scene. It feels a bit slow and doesn't add much to the tension of the moment.
- Consider adding more physical action or blocking to the scene. Right now, it's mostly characters standing or sitting and talking. Adding some movement or actions could help bring more life to the scene.
- Make sure to include more specific details and descriptions to help the reader visualize what's happening. For example, what does the courtroom look like? What are the characters wearing? What are their expressions like? Adding more sensory details can help make the scene more engaging.
- Consider adding more tension or conflict between characters. Right now, most of the conflict is between Elle and Chutney, but adding more tension between other characters could help ramp up the stakes of the scene.
- Lastly, make sure to stay consistent with character motivations and actions. For example, it's a bit unclear why Chutney suddenly blurts out that she meant to shoot Brooke instead of her father. Adding more context or foreshadowing earlier in the script could help make this moment feel more believable.



Scene 34 -  The Aftermath
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 7
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 9
  • Dialogue: 8
126 INT. COURTHOUSE FOYER - DAY 126 *
Reporters mob Elle and Brooke as they make their way out of *
the courtroom. *
REPORTER
Elle, how did you know Chutney was lying?

BROOKE *
Because she is brilliant. *
ELLE
(humble) *
The rules of haircare are simple and
finite . Any Cosmo girl would ' ve known .

The reporters laugh as they snap pictures of her and a happy *
Brooke. *
127 INT. WOODS' BEL AIR HOME - GYM -SAME TIME 127 *

CLOSE ON THE TV — the channels change: golf — a commercial - *
- Elle in the courthouse. *
DANIEL (O.S.) *
What the --? *
Daniel, Elle 's father, watches TV as he does his morning *
workout on the treadmill. *
DANIEL (CONT'D) *
Honey, stop! *
(proud) *
Bile's on TV! *
He looks next to him, where Sapphire is upside down on a yoga *
inversion machine. *
SAPPHIRE'S POV — the upside-down television with Elle on it. *

SAPPHIRE *
Oh, my God! What happened to her tan? '-*
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 113.



128 INT. COURTHOUSE FOYER - MOMENTS LATER 128

As the reporters continue to mob Brooke, Elle steps aside to *
talk to Serena and Margot. . *
SERENA
I wish we could stay longer, but I have a
game.
ELLE
I can't believe you're a Laker Girl!

MARGOT
Hello! You're like, a lawyer.

ELLE
(grinning)
Not yet.

Enid walks up to the girls.

ENID
(to Elle)
Even though you knew your shit today —
you're still a product of the patriarchy
and a creation of the male-dominated
media. And so are your friends.

She looks at Serena.
ENID (CONT'D) *
(continuing; to Serena)
Although — you're kinda hot. Call me.

She walks off. Serena looks alarmed.

ELLE
(hugging them)
Don't worry. She's harmless. I'll see
you guys soon! Thanks for coming!
She air-kisses them as Margot leads a still shell-shocked
Serena away as Emmett walks up to Elle.

129 EXT. COURTHOUSE STEPS - DAY - LATER' 129 *

Elle looks up at the courthouse as the sun sets behind it. *
She smiles, proud of herself. • *

WARNER (O.S.) *
You were amazing today. *
She turns and finds Warner. *

(CONTINUED)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 114.
129 CONTINUED: 129


ELLE *
Thank you. *
He moves closer. *
WARNER *
It made me realize something. I ' m an *
idiot. *
ELLE . *
Really? *
He turns on the charm. *
WARNER *
I want to be with you, Elle. Forever. *
He pulls her close, hand around her waist, kissing her. She *
looks up at him, a trace of the old love in her eyes. For a *
moment, she melts. *
ELLE . '*
I want to be with you, too, Warner. *
After a moment, she steps back, removing his hand from her '*
waist and wrenching it behind his back. *
ELLE (CONT'D) *
In court. On opposing sides. *
WARNER *
(shocked) *
Are you serious? •*

ELLE *
Huh. Imagine that. Looks like I am. *
She walks down the steps. Warner watches her go, then turns *
to see Sarah, who's witnessed the entire episode. She glares *
at him, then walks past. *

WARNER . *
Sarah — hold on. . *
She shoves him, knocking him on his ass, then rushes to .catch *
up with Elle. *
SARAH *
(calling out) *
Elle, wait up — *
Elle turns. *


(CONTINUED)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 115.
129 CONTINUED: (2) 129


SARAH (CONT'D) *
(continuing; sheepish) *
I ' m a bitch. *
ELLE *
Yes, you are. *
SARAH *
And Donovan's a-scumbag for coming on to *
you. *
' ELLE *
Yes, he is. • . *
They look at each other in a silent truce. *

SARAH *
So — can we drink that champagne when I *
get back from the pawnshop? *
She pulls off her engagement ring. *

ELLE . . .*
You're pawning The Rock?! *
SARAH •*
Hell, yes. We've got finals to study *
for. In Jamaica. *

She smiles and heads off. Elle smiles, processing this as *
Emmett approaches Elle. . *

EMMETT •*
Up for a celebration dinner? *
ELLE *
Are you asking me on a date? *
EMMETT - *
As long as you realize I'm not just some *
man-toy you can show off like a trophy. *

ELLE ' *
(joking) *
Then, forget it. Besides, I have an early *
class tomorrow. . *

EMMETT *
So Friday at eight? *
She smiles at him. . *



(CONTINUED)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 116.
129 CONTINUED: ( 3 ) 129


ELLE *
Perfect. *
She heads down the stairs, stops and thinks a moment, then *
runs back up — *
— Grabbing Emmett in a hellacious KISS. He kisses her back. *
We CRANE UP as they embrace on the courthouse steps. *
FADE OUT: *

FADE IN: *
Genres: ["Comedy","Romance","Drama"]

Summary Elle and Brooke leave the courtroom as reporters inquire about Elle's intuition on Chutney's lies. Daniel watches Elle's media coverage on TV and celebrates it. Meanwhile, Serena, Margot, and Elle chat in the courthouse and meet Enid who insults their intelligence. As Elle exits the courthouse later that day, Warner admits his feelings for her, but Elle reminds him of their opposing sides. Sarah apologizes for her previous behavior towards Elle, and they make amends. Elle then goes on a date with Emmett.
Strengths "The scene showcases character growth in Elle and Sarah's relationship. It brings resolution to Warner and Elle's past relationship, while also setting up a new romantic storyline with Emmett."
Weaknesses "The conflict level in the scene is relatively low, and Enid's character introduction feels abrupt."
Critique Overall, this scene is well-written and serves as a satisfying conclusion to the film. However, there are a few areas that could be improved upon. Firstly, the dialogue at the beginning of the scene where Elle and Brooke are being interviewed by reporters feels a bit contrived and unnatural. The line about the "rules of haircare" seems out of place and forced.

Secondly, Enid's sudden appearance and bizarre comment about the patriarchy and male-dominated media feels jarring and unnecessary. While the scene ultimately works to establish Serena's discomfort and Elle's ability to brush off insults, Enid's dialogue could have been better crafted to fit the dynamic of the scene.

Finally, while the conclusion of Elle and Emmett's romance is satisfying, the kiss on the courthouse steps seems a bit too over-the-top and melodramatic. A more subtle and natural conclusion to their relationship would have been more effective.

Overall, this scene effectively concludes the film but could benefit from some further fine-tuning of the dialogue and character interactions.
Suggestions One suggestion would be to add more emotional depth to the scene where Elle and Warner reunite and he confesses his feelings for her. It feels rushed and lacks the tension and conflict that should be present in a scene where two former lovers are on opposing sides in court. Perhaps there could be a moment where Elle struggles with her own feelings towards Warner before ultimately rejecting him. Additionally, the dialogue between Enid and the group of friends could be toned down or reworked to feel less heavy-handed and on-the-nose, while still conveying the message of acknowledging the patriarchy in society. Overall, the scene could benefit from more character development and subtlety in the writing.



Scene 35 -  Blondes Have More Fun
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 7
  • Characters: 9
  • Dialogue: 8
130 EXT. HARVARD LAW SCHOOL QUAD - DAY 130 *
"Welcome Law Students Class of 2004" banners hang over
orientation tables. Nervous first year students stand in
line.
We PAN ACROSS a row of club tables — passing "Harvard Law . *
Journal" and "Environmental Law Association" •— until we *
reach a table that proudly bears the banner of "Blonde Legal
Defense Club".
Elle, in a red 2L t-shirt, stands behind the table,
straightening some flyers. UNDERDOG is plopped down on top *
of the stack. Elle turns to see EMMETT next to her.
'• ' •
EMMETT
• ' .:.
(re Underdog)
Someone missed you.
ELLE
Is he the only one?
EMMETT
What do you think?
They kiss. *


EMMETT (CONT'D)
(continuing; re the crowd)
Looks like you're pretty popular.

Elle smiles, turning back as A NERVOUS 1L GIRL steps up.
NERVOUS 1L GIRL
Do you have to be blonde to sign up?




(CONTINUED)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 117.
130 CONTINUED: 130


ELLE
Only blonde at heart.
(to the girl next to her)
Right?
Elle smiles and looks down at — the NEWLY BLONDE SARAH.
Sarah returns the smile as we PULL BACK to see a CROWD of
first year girls gathered around Elle's table, rushing to
sign up. Ready to be as blonde as they can be.
FADE OUT:
Genres: ["Comedy","Romance"]

Summary Elle and Emmett set up the Blonde Legal Defense Club table and attract many first-year girls, including a newly blonde Sarah.
Strengths "The scene showcases Elle's likable personality and the power of her influence over others. It also sets up future conflicts and relationships."
Weaknesses "The scene could have had more conflict and emotional impact."
Critique Overall, this scene sets up the environment of Harvard Law School orientation, establishing the presence of different clubs and organizations. However, the introduction of the "Blonde Legal Defense Club" feels out of place and stereotypical. It perpetuates the idea that blondes are not taken seriously in the legal profession, which is an outdated and harmful stereotype.

Additionally, the dialogue between Elle and Emmett feels forced and unrealistic. Their kiss is sudden and lacks buildup. The scene would benefit from more natural and organic interaction between the characters.

Furthermore, the scene lacks a clear objective or conflict. It is simply a depiction of students signing up for clubs, which can make it feel somewhat aimless and unimportant in the grand scheme of the story.

Overall, the scene could benefit from more thoughtful and nuanced writing to avoid perpetuating stereotypes and injecting more purpose and depth into the plot.
Suggestions Here are some suggestions for improving this scene:

1. Add more description and detail to set the scene. What does the quad look like? Are there other orientation tables nearby? What is the weather like?

2. Develop the club tables more. What is the Environmental Law Association all about? Why is the Blonde Legal Defense Club unique?

3. Show more interaction with the nervous 1L girl and the other first year girls. Give them more personality and make the dialogue more interesting.

4. Consider adding more conflict or tension to the scene. Right now it's just a happy, fluffy moment. Could there be any kind of obstacle for Elle or the new members to overcome?

5. Think about the purpose of this scene in the overall story. What does it reveal about Elle's character or the theme of the movie? Can you make that more clear or impactful?