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Scene 1 -  Morning in North Belfast: A Community Awakens
1 EXT. BELFAST EARLY MORNING 1

Dawn in the Northern Sky. We hear Van Morrison start to play. DOWN TO JOY.

Samson and Goliath, two massive cranes dominate the shipyard and the city. The waters of
the loch frame the mighty harbour.

The town unfolds itself in image after image of river and road, mountain and monument,
City Hall, College Square, courthouse and castle.

FADE TO:

Title:

BELFAST

CUT TO:

North Belfast. Narrow streets, working people. Vivid murals, disappear as we

TRANSITION TO
BLACK AND WHITE:


2 EXT. BACK ENTRY DAY 2

Superimpose:

15th August 1969

A back entry (alleyway) between rows of terraced houses. A gaggle of legs and arms and
giggling. 7, 8, 9 year olds at play, hopscotch, polo sticks, makeshift swords.


3 EXT. BUDDY’S STREET DAY 3

Public housing, crammed terraces. FRANKIE WEST cycles down the busy street. MA walks
through the opened door onto the pavement.

MA
How are you Frankie?

FRANKIE WEST
I’m alright. How you doin’?.

She looks up and down the road, then starts to call,

MA
Buddy?


As she continues with the calling, we see that it is heard, and then taken up by another
Mother, and then another.

MOIRA struts along by the shops.

MRS FORD
Hey you Moira, how are you?

MOIRA
Very good thank you. How are you?

MRS FORD
I’m good.

MOIRA crosses the street.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary The scene opens with a vibrant dawn view of Belfast, accompanied by Van Morrison's 'Down to Joy.' It transitions to a nostalgic black-and-white depiction of North Belfast on August 15, 1969, where children play in an alley. Frankie West cycles through the busy streets, greeted warmly by his mother, Ma, who calls out for Buddy, prompting other mothers to join in the search. Moira engages in a friendly conversation with Mrs. Ford, highlighting the camaraderie of the neighborhood. The scene captures the innocence of childhood and the strong sense of community, ending with Moira crossing the street after her exchange with Mrs. Ford.
Strengths
  • Authentic dialogue
  • Strong sense of community
  • Nostalgic tone
Weaknesses
  • Lack of significant conflict
  • Limited plot progression

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively establishes the setting and tone of the story, immersing the audience in the community of Belfast. The interactions between characters feel genuine and evoke a sense of nostalgia and warmth.


Story Content

Concept: 8.5

The concept of showcasing a close-knit community in Belfast through everyday interactions is compelling and sets the stage for exploring deeper themes and conflicts in the story.

Plot: 7.5

While the scene doesn't introduce a specific plot point, it lays the foundation for the story by establishing the setting and introducing key characters. The focus is more on world-building and character development.

Originality: 8

The scene showcases originality through its portrayal of everyday life in Belfast, capturing the nuances of community interactions and relationships.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters in the scene are well-defined through their interactions and dialogue, giving the audience a glimpse into their relationships and personalities. The scene sets up potential character arcs and relationships for the rest of the story.

Character Changes: 6

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the interactions and dynamics between characters hint at potential growth and development as the story progresses.

Internal Goal: 8

Frankie West's internal goal in this scene is to navigate his neighborhood and interact with his neighbors, showcasing his relationships and connections within the community.

External Goal: 7

Frankie West's external goal in this scene is to find his friend Buddy and engage in playful activities with him.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 3

The scene lacks significant conflict, focusing more on establishing the setting and characters. The conflict is more subtle and internal, setting the stage for potential conflicts to arise later in the story.

Opposition: 6

The opposition in the scene is subtle, with potential conflicts hinted at through character interactions and the dynamics of the neighborhood.

High Stakes: 4

The scene doesn't involve high stakes or intense conflict, focusing more on everyday interactions and relationships within the community. The stakes are more personal and internal at this point in the story.

Story Forward: 7

The scene sets the stage for the story by introducing the setting, characters, and tone. While it doesn't move the plot forward significantly, it lays the foundation for future events and conflicts.

Unpredictability: 6

This scene is unpredictable in terms of character interactions and the potential for conflicts to arise within the community.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

There is a subtle philosophical conflict between the sense of community and individual identity. The characters' interactions reflect the balance between belonging to a close-knit neighborhood and maintaining personal autonomy.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7.5

The scene evokes a sense of nostalgia and warmth, creating an emotional connection with the audience. The interactions between characters and the setting contribute to the emotional impact of the scene.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue in the scene feels natural and authentic, reflecting the everyday conversations and interactions of the characters. It helps establish the relationships and dynamics within the community.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it immerses the audience in the vibrant world of Belfast and introduces compelling characters and relationships.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and intrigue, keeping the audience engaged in the unfolding events.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene adheres to the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings and descriptions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure that introduces the setting, characters, and conflicts effectively, setting up the narrative for further development.


Critique
  • The opening of the scene effectively sets the tone with the dawn view of Belfast and the accompanying music, creating a nostalgic atmosphere. However, the transition from color to black and white could be more impactful if it visually represented a thematic shift, perhaps by contrasting the vibrancy of childhood with the impending darkness of conflict.
  • The introduction of characters is somewhat abrupt. While we meet MA and FRANKIE WEST, the scene could benefit from more descriptive action or dialogue that reveals their personalities or relationships. This would help the audience connect with them more deeply.
  • The use of superimposed text to indicate the date is a clear choice, but it might feel a bit jarring. Integrating this information more organically into the visuals or dialogue could enhance the flow of the scene.
  • The dialogue among the mothers feels natural, but it lacks distinctiveness. Each character should have a unique voice or mannerism that reflects their personality, making it easier for the audience to differentiate between them.
  • The scene transitions from a lively children's play to the adult interactions without a clear emotional or narrative bridge. Establishing a stronger connection between these two worlds could enhance the thematic depth of the scene.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment of reflection or a visual cue that hints at the underlying tensions in Belfast, perhaps through the expressions of the adults or the murals in the background.
  • Enhance character introductions by including small actions or quirks that reveal their personalities. For example, MA could have a specific way of calling for Buddy that reflects her character.
  • Instead of using superimposed text, consider incorporating the date into the dialogue or a visual element, such as a newspaper or a clock, to create a more seamless narrative flow.
  • Differentiate the mothers' dialogue by giving each a distinct way of speaking or a catchphrase that reflects their character traits, making it easier for the audience to remember who is who.
  • Create a stronger emotional connection between the children's play and the adult interactions by showing how the innocence of childhood contrasts with the realities of the adult world, perhaps through a child's perspective or a moment of foreshadowing.



Scene 2 -  From Playful Streets to Chaotic Retreat
4 EXT. BACK ENTRY DAY 4

MOIRA appears at the top of the Entry.

MOIRA
Hey Buddy!

A boy slowly turns. He carries a primitive home-made wooden sword held aloft in one
hand, and in the other an upturned dustbin lid, that he holds before him, like a shield.

This is BUDDY.

MOIRA (CONT'D)
Your Ma’s callin’ you. Yer tea’s ready.

BUDDY rejoices.

MOIRA (CONT'D)
All the rest of you too.

He runs to the top of the entry.




5 EXT. BUDDY’S STREET DAY 5

BUDDY rounds the top of the street. Houses, and sops and a whole lotta people on the
street or on the pavement, still playing or about to finish, as dinnertime approaches.


These are the dog days of August. Sun-burnt parents chattering together on steps.
Laughter, gossip, mickey-taking. Beautiful Belfast accents. Everybody knows everybody.
No bother. Another day in the neighbourhood.

MRS FORD (O.S.)
How are you Buddy?

BUDDY
Hello Mrs. Ford.

MRS FORD (O.S.)
Have you been fighting any dragons?

BUDDY
Only a couple.

FRANKIE WEST
I got a couple in my house.

BUDDY
Is that right Mr. West?

The camera is high above and behind BUDDY as he starts to walk down the middle of the
street. You can see clearly all the way down to the other end, where it meets a road going
horizontally across, making a T junction.

FRANKIE WEST
Aye. And can you lend us a shield Buddy?

BUDDY
I’ll see what I can do.

FRANKIE WEST
Say hello to your daddy for me, will ya?

BUDDY
Will do.

MRS KAVANAGH
Buddy your Ma’s callin’ you for your tea.

BUDDY
Thanks Mrs. Kavanagh.

MR STEWART
She says it’s tripe and onions.

BUDDY
She did not.


MR STEWART
In a sandwich.

BUDDY
She did not. She says you’re a terrible man.

MR STEWART
She’s right.

It is so hot. BUDDY begins to slow. The sound of the chatter begins to recede. BUDDY’s
happy face begins to change expression.

The sound of the street is harder to hear now. In his head, it’s being replaced, by the sound
of...bees? The hot weather, and the closeness of the atmosphere, and now...

He stops. Not bees.

The clear view at the far, end of the street is slowly being replaced by a ...thin dark band on
the road, the width of the street now, indistinct but definitely moving towards him.

He looks, and people are moving in slow motion, and he can’t quite hear what they’re
saying, but some of the parents are running into the street and grabbing their children, and
other kids are running past him and up the street, and then as he watches transfixed.

An explosion!

Buddy’s sharp gaze shifts back to the swarm itself, and he sees what it is. Hundreds of
youths. Wild, snarling, enraged.

This is a riot.

BUDDY
Mum?

SMASH - Petrol Bombs fly through the air

MA runs out of the house.

MA
Buddy! Buddy!

As BUDDY turns to see where from, an arm scoops him up.

Noise. Blurred movement. Furious pace. Hands and feet gather around a drainage grate
at the side of the road.


MA races back across the street towards her open door, carrying BUDDY. She carries
BUDDY’s make-shift shield in front of the two of them, and we see rocks and bricks
bouncing off the dustbin lid as she drives ahead into the storm of hurled stones, like an
urban Boadicea.

A flurry of bodies behind and in front of her; chasing, shouting, warning.

In foreground, as a mass of bodies continues to pass up the street, the massive, iron grate is
slowly lifted. The Rioters are nearly all masked with scarves across their faces.
Genres: ["Drama","Historical","Action"]

Summary On a sunny day in a Belfast neighborhood, Moira calls her son Buddy home for dinner as he joyfully interacts with neighbors, engaging in playful banter about dragons. The lively atmosphere quickly turns to chaos when a riot breaks out, forcing Buddy's mother to rush to his side, using his makeshift shield to protect them as they navigate through the turmoil.
Strengths
  • Effective tension-building
  • Strong character reactions
  • Compelling conflict setup
Weaknesses
  • Limited character development in this specific scene

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9.2

The scene is intense, well-paced, and emotionally impactful, effectively setting up a major conflict and showcasing the characters' reactions and bravery in the face of danger.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of the scene, focusing on the sudden eruption of a riot in a peaceful neighborhood, is engaging and sets up a major turning point in the story.

Plot: 9

The plot of the scene is crucial as it introduces a significant conflict that will likely have far-reaching consequences for the characters and the story as a whole.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a familiar setting of a neighborhood with children playing, but adds a fresh twist with the sudden onset of a riot, creating a dynamic shift in tone and conflict. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters' actions and reactions in the scene are well-developed, showcasing their bravery, protective instincts, and sense of community in the face of danger.

Character Changes: 8

While the characters do not undergo significant changes in this scene, their actions and reactions reveal new facets of their personalities and relationships.

Internal Goal: 8

Buddy's internal goal in this scene is initially to enjoy playing with his friends and neighbors, but it shifts to fear and confusion as the riot breaks out. His deeper need for safety and security is reflected in his reactions to the escalating situation.

External Goal: 7

Buddy's external goal is to navigate the neighborhood and respond to the interactions with his neighbors, but it quickly becomes survival as the riot erupts.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The level of conflict in the scene is high, with the sudden eruption of a riot creating a tense and dangerous situation for the characters.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the sudden outbreak of a riot presenting a significant obstacle for the protagonist and creating a sense of danger and uncertainty for the audience.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in the scene as the characters face a dangerous and chaotic situation that could have serious consequences for their lives and relationships.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by introducing a major conflict and setting the stage for future developments and challenges for the characters.

Unpredictability: 9

This scene is unpredictable because it starts with a lighthearted interaction between neighbors and children, but quickly escalates into a violent riot, keeping the audience on edge and unsure of what will happen next.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict in this scene is the clash between the innocence and playfulness of childhood and the harsh reality of violence and conflict in the adult world. This challenges Buddy's beliefs about his safe and familiar neighborhood.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking fear, tension, and a sense of bravery and community among the characters and the audience.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the characters' relationships, personalities, and the escalating tension as the riot unfolds.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it effectively builds tension and suspense, drawing the audience into Buddy's perspective and creating a sense of urgency and danger.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, with a gradual escalation of events leading to the climactic moment of the riot breaking out. The rhythm of the scene contributes to its effectiveness in conveying the urgency and danger of the situation.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and follows the expected format for its genre, with concise action lines and dialogue that enhance the visual and emotional impact of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with a buildup of tension and conflict, leading to a climactic moment of the riot breaking out. The pacing and rhythm effectively contribute to the scene's effectiveness.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes a vibrant and communal atmosphere in Buddy's neighborhood, showcasing the innocence of childhood through playful banter and interactions. However, the transition from this light-heartedness to the chaos of the riot could be more gradual to enhance the emotional impact. The sudden shift feels somewhat abrupt, which may leave the audience disoriented.
  • The dialogue is engaging and captures the local dialect well, contributing to the authenticity of the setting. However, some lines could be tightened for clarity and impact. For instance, the exchange about tripe and onions could be streamlined to maintain the comedic tone without losing the essence of the characters' personalities.
  • The visual storytelling is strong, particularly with the use of camera angles to depict Buddy's perspective. However, the description of the riot could benefit from more sensory details to immerse the audience in the chaos. Describing the sounds, smells, and sights in more vivid terms would enhance the tension and urgency of the moment.
  • Buddy's character is well-established as innocent and playful, but the scene could delve deeper into his emotional state as he witnesses the riot. Adding internal monologue or more physical reactions could help convey his confusion and fear, making the audience empathize with his plight.
  • The pacing of the scene is uneven; while the initial interactions flow smoothly, the transition to the riot feels rushed. A more gradual build-up to the chaos, perhaps by incorporating more foreshadowing or subtle hints of tension in the environment, would create a more cohesive narrative arc.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment of foreshadowing before the riot begins, such as distant sounds of conflict or a brief exchange between adults that hints at rising tensions, to prepare the audience for the impending chaos.
  • Streamline some of the dialogue to enhance clarity and maintain the comedic tone without losing character depth. For example, consider simplifying the exchange about tripe and onions to keep the humor intact while making it more concise.
  • Incorporate more sensory details during the riot scene to heighten the emotional impact. Describe the sounds of chaos, the heat of the day, and the fear in Buddy's heart to create a more immersive experience.
  • Explore Buddy's internal thoughts and feelings more deeply as he witnesses the riot. This could be achieved through brief internal monologues or physical reactions that convey his confusion and fear, allowing the audience to connect with him on a deeper level.
  • Adjust the pacing to create a smoother transition from the playful neighborhood scene to the riot. Consider extending the build-up to the chaos, allowing the audience to feel the shift in atmosphere more profoundly.



Scene 3 -  Under the Table
6 INT. BUDDY’S HOUSE DAY 6

BUDDY dragged through the hall, shoved under the dinner table.

MA
Keep your head down and don’t move.

MA rushes to the door.

MA (CONT'D)
WILL!


7 EXT. BUDDY’S STREET DAY 7

MA comes out of her house and yells down the street.

MA
WILL!

SMASH! The iron grate is dropped on to the road and breaks into pieces. Eager hands
grab the shards.


8 INT. CATHOLIC HOUSE DAY 8

A family runs inside. Mother and children cower together under a table, the Father moves
to the window.


9 EXT. CATHOLIC HOUSE DAY 9

A RIOTER smashes the window with a baseball bat.


10 INT. CATHOLIC HOUSE DAY 10

The family scrabbles along the floor under the falling glass.


11 EXT. BUDDY’S HOUSE DAY 11

Only just ahead of the advancing rioters, WILL (Buddy’s 14 year old brother) runs towards
his MA.

WILL
Get into the house Mommy!

MA grabs him and slams the front door shut.


12 INT. BUDDY'S HOUSE DAY 12

MA shoves WILL under the table with his younger brother.

MA
Keep him there. And stay still.

MA crawls across the floor on her stomach to the living room window, lifts her head, and
carefully looks out.

WILL
Ma what are you doing?

WILL tries to leave his hiding spot.

MA
Will, stay where you are!

WILL goes back under the table and cradles his younger brother.
Genres: ["Drama","Historical"]

Summary In a tense scene, MA hides her sons, Will and Buddy, under a table as chaos erupts outside during a riot. While rioters smash windows and create havoc, MA urges her children to stay quiet and safe. Will, concerned for his mother's safety, initially tries to help her but ultimately obeys her instructions to remain hidden. The scene captures the family's vulnerability amidst the danger, ending with MA peering out the window while her sons stay concealed.
Strengths
  • Intense atmosphere
  • Strong character dynamics
  • Effective portrayal of danger
Weaknesses
  • Limited dialogue
  • Slightly predictable plot progression

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene is intense and gripping, effectively conveying the fear and tension of the situation while highlighting the characters' bravery and protective instincts.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of portraying a riot during the Troubles in Belfast and the protective instincts of a mother towards her children is compelling and effectively realized.

Plot: 8.5

The plot of the scene is focused on the immediate danger and the characters' efforts to protect themselves, effectively driving the tension and conflict forward.

Originality: 8

The scene presents a fresh approach to the familiar theme of family protection in a dangerous situation. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-developed, with the mother showcasing bravery and protectiveness, while the children display fear and vulnerability in the face of danger.

Character Changes: 8

The characters undergo a change in their perception of safety and security, realizing the harsh reality of the situation and the need to protect themselves at all costs.

Internal Goal: 9

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to protect her children and keep them safe in the midst of the chaos. This reflects her deeper need for security and the fear of harm coming to her family.

External Goal: 8

The protagonist's external goal is to survive the riot and keep her family safe from harm. This goal reflects the immediate circumstances of the scene and the challenges they are facing.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The level of conflict in the scene is high, with the characters facing immediate danger and having to make split-second decisions to protect themselves.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the characters facing real danger and uncertainty as they try to survive the riot and protect their loved ones.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in the scene, with the characters' lives in danger and their actions having potentially life-threatening consequences.

Story Forward: 9

The scene effectively moves the story forward by introducing a significant conflict and highlighting the characters' reactions and decisions in the face of danger.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the sudden and unexpected violence that disrupts the characters' lives, keeping the audience on edge.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is the struggle between chaos and order, violence and peace. The protagonist's actions reflect her belief in protecting her family at all costs, even in the face of danger and uncertainty.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking fear, tension, and empathy for the characters in the face of danger.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue effectively conveys the urgency and fear of the situation, with characters communicating their emotions and intentions clearly.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the high stakes, fast-paced action, and emotional intensity of the characters' struggles.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the outcome.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of the scene is clear and easy to follow, with concise descriptions and effective use of dialogue.

Structure: 9

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, building tension and conflict as the protagonist faces increasing danger.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the tension and chaos of the riot, creating a visceral experience for the audience. The use of short, fragmented sentences in the dialogue and action lines enhances the urgency and panic of the situation.
  • The transition between the interior of Buddy's house and the external chaos is well-executed, allowing the audience to feel the immediate danger while also understanding the familial dynamics at play. However, the scene could benefit from more sensory details to immerse the audience further in the environment, such as sounds of the riot or the emotional reactions of the characters.
  • The character of Ma is portrayed as strong and protective, which is commendable. However, her motivations and emotional state could be explored more deeply. Adding internal thoughts or brief flashbacks could provide context for her fierce protectiveness, making her actions resonate more with the audience.
  • The scene introduces a secondary family in the Catholic house, which adds depth to the narrative. However, their presence feels somewhat disconnected from Buddy's family. A stronger connection or parallel between the two families could enhance the emotional weight of the scene, emphasizing the shared experience of fear and survival.
  • The dialogue is functional but lacks emotional depth. While it conveys urgency, it could be enriched with more emotional stakes or personal stakes for the characters. For instance, Ma could express a specific fear or memory that drives her actions, making her character more relatable and layered.
Suggestions
  • Incorporate more sensory details to enhance the atmosphere, such as the sounds of the riot, the smell of smoke, or the feeling of fear in the air. This will help the audience feel more present in the scene.
  • Consider adding internal monologue or flashbacks for Ma to provide insight into her character's motivations and fears. This could deepen the emotional impact of her protective instincts.
  • Strengthen the connection between Buddy's family and the Catholic family by showing a moment of shared fear or recognition, perhaps through a brief glance or a shared memory that highlights their common humanity amidst the chaos.
  • Revise the dialogue to include more emotional stakes. For example, Ma could express a specific fear for her children or a memory that influences her actions, making her character more relatable.
  • Explore the physicality of the scene more. Describe the frantic movements of the characters, the chaos outside, and the tension in the air to create a more immersive experience for the audience.



Scene 4 -  Chaos Unleashed
13 EXT. BUDDY’S STREET DAY 13

A vicious bacchanal. Faces contorted. More houses marked with the iron grenades.
Chants and warnings. Cars kicked, mirrors twisted. Youths jumping, yelling. Hysteria and
mayhem. MICKEY CLANTON steps out, with DARLENE & FANCY CLANTON and calls
down the street.

MICKEY CLANTON
You’ve been warned. Get these fuckers out o’ yer
street.

Movement behind curtains, faces at the windows.

MICKEY CLANTON (CONT'D)
And if you talk to the Police, we’ll be back for you
too.


A car is driven into the street. MICKEY CLANTON pulls something from under his shirt in
a deft, violent movement. A fist of iron is grabbed from the road, a rag with a cylinder is
wrapped around it. FANCY CLANTON smashes the petrol cap off with the iron. And
DARLENE CLANTON inserts the rag into the opening and lights it.

CUT TO:


14 INT. BUDDY’S HOUSE DAY 14

MA on her knees at the window looking out.

BUDDY and WILL are still under the table in the kitchen.

CUT TO:


15 EXT. BUDDY’S STREET DAY 15

The Rioters push the car. When it picks up speed, they sprint away from the vehicle.

A MASSIVE EXPLOSION erupts the car into flames.

CUT TO:


16 INT. BUDDY’S HOUSE DAY 16

The window rattles.

CUT TO:


17 EXT. BUDDY’S STREET DAY 17

The explosion sends debris and light across the street.

CUT TO:


18 INT. BUDDY’S HOUSE DAY 18

BUDDY curled into a ball under the table. His face listening to the new silence, and fear.

FADE TO BLACK.

MA (V.O.)
Holy God.


Long pause.

TV REPORTER (V.O.)
Belfast was in shock--

FADE TO.
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In a violent street scene, MICKEY CLANTON and his accomplices, DARLENE and FANCY, intimidate residents while preparing a car for an explosion. As they push the car down the street, they flee just before it detonates, causing widespread destruction and fear. Inside a nearby house, MA anxiously watches the chaos unfold while BUDDY and WILL hide under a table, culminating in a tense moment of silence after the explosion.
Strengths
  • Intense atmosphere
  • Realistic portrayal of violence and fear
  • Strong emotional impact
Weaknesses
  • Potential for excessive violence that may be disturbing to some viewers

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9.2

The scene is highly impactful, effectively conveying the intense emotions and danger of the situation. The tension is palpable, and the stakes are high, keeping the audience engaged throughout.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of depicting a riot in Belfast during a turbulent time is powerful and compelling. The scene effectively conveys the themes of violence, fear, and community in the face of chaos.

Plot: 9

The plot of the scene is intense and gripping, with a clear escalation of conflict and danger that drives the narrative forward. The stakes are high, and the outcome is uncertain, keeping the audience on edge.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh and intense portrayal of urban unrest and violence, with authentic character actions and dialogue that feel true to the setting and circumstances.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters are well-developed and their reactions to the riot feel authentic and relatable. The audience can empathize with their fear and desperation in the face of violence.

Character Changes: 8

The characters undergo a significant change as they are forced to confront the brutal reality of the riot, leading to a shift in their perceptions and actions.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is likely survival and protection of loved ones. The fear and vulnerability displayed by the characters reflect deeper needs for safety and security.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to navigate the dangerous situation and avoid harm from the rioters. This goal reflects the immediate challenge of surviving in a volatile environment.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The level of conflict in the scene is extremely high, with the riot escalating to a dangerous and chaotic climax that puts the characters in grave danger.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the characters facing a dangerous and unpredictable situation that poses a significant threat to their safety and well-being.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are extremely high in the scene, with the characters' lives in danger as they struggle to survive the violent chaos of the riot.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward significantly, introducing a major conflict that will have lasting repercussions for the characters and the narrative.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the sudden and shocking violence that erupts, keeping the audience uncertain about the characters' fates and the outcome of the situation.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the characters' choices in the face of violence and chaos. It challenges their beliefs about morality, survival, and the consequences of their actions.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a strong emotional impact, evoking fear, shock, and tension in the audience as they witness the characters' struggle to survive amidst the violence.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue effectively conveys the urgency and fear of the situation, with characters speaking in short, tense exchanges that reflect the chaos of the riot.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense and suspenseful atmosphere, the high stakes faced by the characters, and the escalating conflict that keeps the audience on edge.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, with a rhythmic flow that enhances the impact of the violent climax and the aftermath.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene adheres to the expected format for its genre, effectively conveying the action and dialogue in a clear and engaging manner.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a structured format that effectively conveys the escalating tension and danger, building towards a climactic moment of violence.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the chaos and violence of the riot, immersing the audience in the visceral experience of the characters. The use of strong visual imagery, such as 'faces contorted' and 'cars kicked,' creates a vivid picture of the mayhem, which is essential for conveying the intensity of the moment.
  • The dialogue from MICKEY CLANTON is impactful, establishing his authority and the threat posed to the residents. However, the use of profanity may detract from the overall tone if not balanced with the gravity of the situation. Consider whether the language enhances the character's menace or if it could be conveyed through more subtle means.
  • The transitions between the external chaos and the internal fear of BUDDY and WILL are well-executed, effectively contrasting the external violence with the internal vulnerability. However, the scene could benefit from deeper emotional exploration of BUDDY's feelings as he hides under the table. This could enhance the audience's connection to his character and the stakes of the situation.
  • The pacing of the scene is rapid, which is appropriate for the chaotic nature of the riot. However, the abrupt cuts between the external and internal scenes could be smoothed out to maintain a more cohesive flow. Consider using longer shots or additional dialogue to bridge these moments more seamlessly.
  • The final moment of silence after the explosion is powerful, but it may leave the audience wanting more context about the aftermath. A brief moment of reflection from BUDDY or a visual cue that indicates the impact of the explosion on the community could enhance the emotional weight of the scene.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief internal monologue or sensory details from BUDDY's perspective while he is hiding under the table. This could provide insight into his fear and confusion, making the scene more emotionally resonant.
  • Evaluate the use of profanity in MICKEY CLANTON's dialogue. If it serves to heighten tension, ensure it aligns with the overall tone of the film. Alternatively, explore ways to convey his menace without relying solely on explicit language.
  • To improve pacing, consider extending the moments of tension before the explosion. This could involve showing BUDDY's anticipation or fear as he hears the chaos outside, building suspense before the explosion occurs.
  • Incorporate a visual or auditory cue that signifies the explosion's impact on the community, such as a distant scream or a visual of debris falling on nearby houses. This could help ground the audience in the reality of the situation.
  • After the explosion, consider including a moment where BUDDY and WILL exchange a look or a word, reinforcing their bond and shared experience in the face of danger. This could add depth to their relationship and highlight the emotional stakes.



Scene 5 -  Barricades of Isolation
19 EXT. TV REPAIR SHOP DAY 19

A TV repair shop has multiple television sets switched on in the window display.

TV REPORTER (V.O.)
--this morning as the impact of last night’s rioting was
all too clear. Small numbers of catholics still peacefully
living in protestant areas were targeted. Their houses
were attacked and marked. And intimidation may force
them to leave...


20 EXT. STREET DAY 20

TV REPORTER (V.O.)
--their homes completely. Can these tightly knit
neighbourhoods ever return to the peace they shared
together only twenty four hours ago? Further reports...

The broadcaster’s voice fades away, overpowered by the street noise.

The whole population of the Street seems to be on the road. Not the pandemonium of
before but tight, focused activity.

Wheelbarrows with rocks file past, sheets of hardboard moved to repair broken windows.

We follow BUDDY as he walks up the street, there is no longer a pavement, merely the
sand that lay beneath. All the paving stones have gone.

Prams and old mangles are being dragged up and down the road. There is movement in
each direction. In front of every single house as far as the eye can see there is a group of
women and children gathered and talking.

BUDDY is entirely ignored by the frenzied population.

MAN 1 (OS)
Look we need to get this barricade up before those
kids come back.


MAN 2 (O.S.)
I’m taking all these paving stones to the barricade, ’m
taking them all down.

MAN 3 (O.S.)
Don’t you worry Paddy, we’re not gonna let them
back here again. You’re as welcome on this street as
any of us.

MAN 4 (O.S.)
Alright Buddy?

BUDDY waves at the man (O.S.) and makes his way to the top of the road.

WOMAN 1 (O.S.)
Fergus didn’t come home last night I’m gonna go see
Mrs. McGuinness

MAN 5 (O.S.)
We have to do this, the police aren’t going to protect
us. We have to do it ourselves.

WOMAN 2 (O.S.)
Kids please go inside. I don’t want you out here...

Paving stones, wood off-cuts, fridges, prams, turf, barbed wire. The burning car from before,
has been turned on its side, and takes the centre position in the barrier.

BUDDY climbs up the barricade.

WOMAN ON THE BARRICADE
Watch yourself getting up there love.

A MASSIVE STREET-WIDE BARRICADE.

BUDDY’s POV.

From up there, he sees barbed wire and activity at the bottom of the road. The same thing
is happening there. BUDDY’s street is now in total lockdown from the world.

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Drama","Historical"]

Summary In the aftermath of rioting in Belfast, the community rallies outside a TV repair shop to fortify their neighborhood with barricades, driven by fear and urgency. Buddy observes the frantic efforts of residents gathering materials, discussing missing individuals, and emphasizing the need for self-defense in the absence of police. The scene culminates with Buddy climbing a massive barricade, symbolizing the community's determination and isolation amidst the chaos.
Strengths
  • Effective portrayal of tension and fear
  • Strong sense of community and unity
  • Compelling conflict and high stakes
Weaknesses
  • Limited character development in this specific scene

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys the tension and fear of the situation, with strong character interactions and a clear sense of urgency.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the community uniting to protect themselves in the face of violence is compelling and drives the scene forward.

Plot: 8.5

The plot progresses significantly as the community takes action to defend their homes, adding layers of conflict and tension to the overall story.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh approach to depicting societal unrest and community response, with authentic character actions and dialogue that feel true to the setting and circumstances.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters show resilience and determination in the face of danger, with clear motivations driving their actions.

Character Changes: 7

While there is not significant character development in this scene, the characters show resilience and determination in the face of danger.

Internal Goal: 8

Buddy's internal goal is to navigate the chaos and tension in his neighborhood while feeling ignored and disconnected from the frenzied population.

External Goal: 9

Buddy's external goal is to assess the situation and potentially contribute to the barricade building efforts to protect the neighborhood from further harm.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The level of conflict is high, with the community facing external threats and coming together to defend themselves, creating a tense and chaotic atmosphere.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the community facing external threats and internal divisions that create obstacles for the characters.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high as the community faces the threat of violence and must band together to protect their homes and loved ones.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing a significant conflict and showcasing the community's response to the escalating violence.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable due to the volatile situation in the neighborhood and the characters' uncertain fates as they navigate the chaos.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict revolves around the themes of community unity versus division, self-reliance versus reliance on external authorities for protection.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes fear, tension, and determination in the characters, resonating with the audience and creating an emotional connection.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue effectively conveys the urgency and fear of the situation, with characters expressing their concerns and determination to protect their community.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its high stakes, vivid imagery, and the sense of urgency conveyed through the characters' actions and dialogue.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and conveys the urgency of the situation, keeping the reader engaged and invested in the outcome.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and dialogue cues that enhance the reader's understanding of the chaotic environment.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, effectively building tension and setting up the conflict within the community.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the aftermath of the riot, showcasing the community's response to the violence. The use of the TV reporter's voiceover provides context and emphasizes the gravity of the situation, grounding the audience in the reality of the characters' lives.
  • The visual imagery of the street filled with debris and makeshift barricades is powerful, illustrating the community's resilience and determination to protect themselves. However, the scene could benefit from more specific details about the characters' emotions and reactions to the chaos around them, which would deepen the audience's connection to Buddy and the other residents.
  • The dialogue, while functional, lacks emotional weight. The characters' lines serve to convey information but do not reveal much about their individual fears, hopes, or motivations. Adding more personal stakes or emotional responses could enhance the scene's impact.
  • Buddy's perspective is introduced well, but his internal thoughts or feelings about the situation are not explored. This could be an opportunity to show his confusion, fear, or even a sense of responsibility as he witnesses the community's actions. Providing insight into his character would make the scene more engaging.
  • The transition from the chaos of the previous scene to the focused activity in this one is effective, but the pacing could be improved. The scene feels a bit rushed, and allowing for moments of reflection or slower pacing could heighten the tension and emotional resonance.
Suggestions
  • Incorporate Buddy's internal monologue or reactions to the events happening around him to provide a deeper emotional connection to the audience.
  • Enhance the dialogue by including more personal stakes or emotional responses from the characters, allowing them to express their fears or hopes regarding the situation.
  • Consider adding a moment of stillness or reflection amidst the chaos to allow the audience to absorb the gravity of the situation and the impact on the community.
  • Use specific visual details to highlight the emotional state of the characters, such as close-ups of their faces or hands, to convey their anxiety or determination.
  • Slow down the pacing in certain moments to build tension and allow the audience to fully grasp the weight of the community's actions and the implications for Buddy and his family.



Scene 6 -  A Fragile Reunion
21 INT. BUDDY’S HOUSE DAY 21

MA watches the television news describing the intensification of hostilities. Disturbing
pictures and commentary from a war zone. TV NEWS ‘ULSTER ON THE BRINK’,


TV REPORTER (V.O.)
The likeliest move is to bring troops into Belfast in hope
of avoiding further clashes between rioters and police,
particularly the B specials. Another six hundred troops
will be available this afternoon.

MA moves to the window.

CUT TO:


22 EXT. BUDDY'S HOUSE DAY 22

The war zone from the TV, is just outside her front door. A tank and soldiers march past
the house.

CUT BACK TO:


23 INT. BUDDY’S HOUSE DAY 23

TV REPORTER (V.O.)
And now that the third battalion of the light infantry
flying from Plymouth to block the gap left by the use of
troops. A curfew is another possibility which has been
widely mentioned...


24 EXT. BUDDY’S STREET/BARRICADE DAY 24

PA, straight from the airport. From the body language of the dumbshow, it’s clear that the
police are questioning him with some scepticism, checking passport, etc, while he is agitated
and pointing - he lives here.

BUDDY and WILL hide behind the barricade.

PA
I’ve just come from the airport.....now. I’ve literally just
come from the airport. I live in that street. That’s my
kids there. I live at number 96.

MRS FORD hurries back down the street, towards Buddy’s house.

MRS FORD
Get up there quick! Quick!

MA comes out of the front door.


MA
Christ!

She looks up the street. Beyond the barricade, at a make shift checkpoint, is PA.

She runs towards him.

SOLDIER
STOP!

She comes to a frightened stop, look at the SOLDIER, and rifle.

SOLDIER (CONT'D)
Where do you think you’re going love?

MA
To bring my husband home. That’s him on the other
side there.

SOLDIER
Where’s he been then?

MA
None of your bloody business.

SOLDIER
Not with you in your hour of need?
That’s a bit off isn’t it?

MA
He works away in England.

By now MA and PA have seen each other and the tension increases.

SOLDIER
Oh does he now? What kinda work is that?

MA
He’s a joiner.

SOLDIER
I see. And has he joined any of these groups making
all this mess in your street?

MA
He knew nothing about the whole bloody thing.
That’s why he’s here now. He’s come over from his
work to see to his family.


SOLDIER
Glad to hear it madam.

PA is allowed through. He hurries towards his wife. His neighbours call to him.

FRANKIE WEST
They nearly had you there, Steve McQueen!

PA
I’ll have you in a bloody minute, Frankie!

MA
(to Buddy and Will)
Come on you two.

BUDDY and WILL join MA and PA.

FRANKIE WEST starts to whistle the famous theme from ‘The Great Escape’.

The relief shows on PA’s face. The family is almost at their front door. In they go and the
door slams shut.
Genres: ["Drama","War"]

Summary In a tense scene set against the backdrop of escalating violence in Belfast, MA anxiously watches news reports while witnessing the chaos outside her home. PA arrives from the airport, struggling to convince skeptical police officers at a barricade of his intentions. Despite a soldier's questioning, MA defends PA, allowing him to reunite with her and their children. The family's relief is palpable as they come together amidst the turmoil, ending the scene with a sense of safety as they shut the door behind them.
Strengths
  • Strong emotional impact
  • Compelling character interactions
  • Tense atmosphere
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue may feel slightly expository

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively captures the tense atmosphere of a community on the brink of conflict, with strong emotional impact and character development. The dialogue and interactions between characters are compelling, drawing the audience into the story.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of portraying a family caught in the middle of escalating hostilities in Belfast is compelling and effectively executed. The scene effectively conveys the themes of fear, hope, and resilience in the face of conflict.

Plot: 8.5

The plot of the scene is engaging and moves the story forward by showcasing the impact of conflict on the characters and the community. The escalating tension and the resolution with the family coming together add depth to the narrative.

Originality: 8

The scene presents a fresh approach to the familiar theme of family unity in times of crisis. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters are well-developed and their interactions feel authentic and emotionally resonant. The audience can empathize with the family's struggles and the tensions between the characters add depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 8

The characters undergo subtle changes in the scene, particularly in their relationships and dynamics. The family coming together in the face of conflict shows growth and resilience.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to protect and reunite her family in the midst of the escalating violence. This reflects her deeper need for safety, security, and connection with her loved ones.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to bring her husband safely home amidst the chaos of the war zone. This goal reflects the immediate challenge of navigating through the dangerous situation and reuniting with her family.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The level of conflict in the scene is high, with the war zone setting and the escalating tensions between the characters creating a sense of danger and urgency. The conflict drives the narrative forward and adds intensity to the scene.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist facing skepticism and interrogation from the soldiers, as well as the physical danger of the war zone. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of how the situation will unfold.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in the scene, with the characters facing the threat of violence and danger in a war zone. The survival of the family and the community is at risk, adding tension and urgency to the narrative.

Story Forward: 9

The scene effectively moves the story forward by showcasing the impact of conflict on the characters and the community. It sets up future conflicts and resolutions, adding depth to the narrative.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the shifting dynamics between the characters, the escalating tension, and the uncertain outcome of the protagonist's efforts to bring her husband home safely.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the clash between personal loyalty and societal suspicion. The protagonist must defend her husband's innocence and loyalty to his family against the skepticism and interrogation of the soldiers.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, eliciting fear, tension, and relief from the audience. The audience can empathize with the characters' struggles and feel the weight of the conflict on their shoulders.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue in the scene is impactful and effectively conveys the emotions and tensions of the characters. The exchanges between the characters feel natural and add depth to their relationships.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its high stakes, emotional intensity, and fast-paced action. The audience is drawn into the protagonist's struggle to protect her family amidst the chaos.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, maintaining a sense of urgency and momentum throughout.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, effectively conveying the visual and auditory elements of the war zone setting.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, following the expected format for a dramatic and intense moment in the story.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the tension and urgency of the situation, with MA's protective instincts and the chaotic backdrop of the news report and military presence. However, the transition between the interior and exterior settings could be smoother to enhance the flow of the narrative.
  • The dialogue between MA and the SOLDIER is realistic and highlights the tension between civilians and military personnel during a crisis. However, some lines could be tightened for clarity and impact. For instance, MA's response to the soldier could be more succinct to convey her frustration without losing the emotional weight.
  • The use of visual elements, such as the tank and soldiers outside, effectively contrasts with the domestic setting of Buddy's house, emphasizing the invasion of violence into their home life. However, the scene could benefit from more sensory details to immerse the audience further in the atmosphere, such as sounds of the tank or the distant chaos.
  • The character dynamics are well-established, particularly the relationship between MA and PA, showcasing their concern for each other and their children. However, the scene could delve deeper into Buddy and Will's emotional responses to the chaos, as their perspectives are somewhat overshadowed by the adult interactions.
  • The ending of the scene, with the family finally reuniting, provides a moment of relief amidst the chaos. However, it could be more impactful if it included a brief moment of silence or reflection before they enter the house, emphasizing the weight of what they just experienced.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment of internal monologue for MA as she watches the news, which could provide insight into her fears and motivations, enhancing the emotional depth of the scene.
  • Tighten the dialogue between MA and the SOLDIER to make it more impactful. For example, instead of 'None of your bloody business,' consider a more concise response that still conveys her frustration.
  • Incorporate more sensory details to create a vivid atmosphere. Describe the sounds of the tank, the distant shouts of soldiers, or the smell of smoke to immerse the audience in the scene.
  • Explore Buddy and Will's reactions more deeply. Perhaps include a line or two that reflects their fear or confusion about the situation, which would add layers to their characters.
  • Add a moment of silence or a shared glance between MA and PA before they enter the house, allowing the audience to feel the weight of the situation before the door slams shut.



Scene 7 -  Family Ties and Tough Choices
25 EXT. GRANNY'S STREET LATER 25

The street is deserted.

WILLIAM SHATNER (V.O.)
Space. The final frontier...


26 INT. GRANNY’S HOUSE DAY 26

Star Trek Enterprise is on TV:

WILLIAM SHATNER (V.O.)
...these are the voyages of the star ship Enterprise...

GRANNY
Did they attack you?

MA
No, it was only the Catholic houses. Them Boyos
want them out.

GRANNY
But them peoples no bother to you in that street, do
they?


MA
Not at all. Sure they’re friends.Their families same as
us, they just kick with the left foot.

GRANNY
Exactly! Sure my best friend in this street is Mrs
Ganjawala, she’s Indian. She even comes to the wee
mission with me. But them curries, I tried it once, I
had to wear a nappy for a week.

BUDDY and WILL chuckle. WILL puts his feet up on the sofa.

MA
Will!

He puts them back down.

WILL
Ach mom...sorry Granny...

Through the window at the rear of the room, BUDDY looks through to the tiny backyard,
and sees his PA. He’s talking to someone opposite him.

POP
She’s well used to handling herself.

PA
It’s being so cheerful keeps you goin, isn’t it?

POP
Sure, I’m not goin be runnin up the Cave Hill anytime
soon, am I?

BUDDY walks through to join them. We see POP, sitting opposite his son, on the seat of
the outside toilet, the primitive wooden door wedged open. He has cup and saucer in his
hand.

BUDDY
Hey Pop.

POP grins, and looks to BUDDY.

POP
How are you Buddy.

PA
Does the Doctor want to see you again?


POP
Aye, he’s give’ me a letter for the hospital.

PA
And did you go?

PA shakes his head.

POP
No point.

Lowers his voice.

POP (CONT'D)
I think you’ve got some big decisions to make son.

The women seem oblivious of the mens talk.

POP (CONT'D)
Did you clear up that wee bit of trouble we were
talkin about?

And now the women turn.

GRANNY
Hey wee fellas. We’re not deaf back here.

POP and PA exchange a look.


27 EXT. BELFAST CITY DUSK 27

FADE TO:
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary In a scene set in Granny's house, the atmosphere shifts between lighthearted family interactions and serious discussions about health. Granny and Ma engage in a humorous conversation about cultural differences in their community, while Buddy shares a playful moment with Will. Outside, Buddy's father, Pop, confers with Pa about a concerning letter from the doctor regarding Buddy's health, hinting at difficult decisions ahead. The women remain blissfully unaware of the men's serious talk until Granny playfully interrupts, blending warmth with underlying tension.
Strengths
  • Strong character development
  • Effective balance of humor and tension
  • Authentic dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Limited external action
  • Some dialogue may be too subtle

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively balances humor and tension, providing insight into the family dynamics during a turbulent time. The dialogue is engaging, and the setting creates a palpable sense of unease and nostalgia.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring family dynamics in the midst of societal conflict is compelling and well-executed. The scene effectively conveys the impact of external events on personal relationships.

Plot: 8

The plot progression in the scene focuses on the family's response to the escalating conflict, highlighting their unity and resilience. The narrative moves forward by showcasing the characters' reactions to the external turmoil.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces fresh perspectives on cultural diversity, family dynamics, and personal struggles. The characters' actions and dialogue feel genuine and relatable.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed, with distinct personalities and relationships that drive the scene forward. The interactions between family members reveal depth and complexity, adding richness to the narrative.

Character Changes: 8

The characters undergo subtle changes in their perceptions and relationships, particularly in response to the escalating conflict. These changes add depth to their personalities and drive the narrative forward.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to navigate the complexities of his family relationships and make difficult decisions about his future.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to address a potential conflict within his family and make decisions about his health and future.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The level of conflict in the scene is high, with external turmoil impacting the characters' lives and relationships. The tension and danger in the environment create a sense of urgency and unease.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create conflict and uncertainty, adding depth to the characters' choices and actions.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in the scene, with the characters facing the threat of violence and upheaval in their community. The danger and uncertainty add tension to the narrative, highlighting the importance of family unity and resilience.

Story Forward: 8

The scene effectively moves the story forward by showcasing the impact of external events on the characters' lives and relationships. The interactions and reactions of the family members contribute to the overall narrative progression.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected twists in the characters' conversations and the underlying tensions within the family dynamics.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict revolves around family loyalty, cultural differences, and personal choices. It challenges the protagonist's beliefs about tradition, friendship, and individuality.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene has a strong emotional impact, evoking feelings of anxiety, relief, and nostalgia. The characters' reactions to the conflict and their interactions with each other resonate with the audience, creating a poignant atmosphere.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is engaging and authentic, capturing the humor, tension, and familial bonds effectively. The conversations between characters reveal their personalities and relationships, enhancing the scene's emotional impact.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its blend of humor, drama, and cultural insights. The characters' interactions and conflicts keep the audience invested in the story.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension, revealing character motivations, and maintaining audience interest. The rhythm of the dialogue adds to the scene's emotional impact.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting adheres to the expected format for its genre, with proper scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a coherent structure with clear transitions between locations and characters. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the scene's effectiveness.


Critique
  • The scene effectively contrasts the chaos outside with the domesticity inside Granny's house, using the dialogue to highlight cultural differences and community ties. However, the transition from the previous scene to this one feels abrupt. The audience may benefit from a clearer connection between the escalating violence and the characters' discussions, perhaps by incorporating a brief moment of reflection or concern from MA before the conversation shifts to lighter topics.
  • The dialogue is engaging and humorous, particularly Granny's anecdote about her Indian friend and the curry. However, the humor may distract from the underlying tension of the situation. It would be beneficial to balance the comedic elements with a more serious acknowledgment of the violence occurring outside, ensuring that the stakes remain clear.
  • The characters of MA, Granny, and Pop are well-defined, but the scene could benefit from deeper exploration of their emotional states. For instance, MA's dismissive attitude towards the violence could be contrasted with a moment of vulnerability or fear, adding depth to her character and making her more relatable.
  • The scene introduces a significant plot point regarding Pop's health and the 'big decisions' he hints at, but this is somewhat overshadowed by the lighter banter. It would be more impactful if this conversation were given more weight, perhaps by allowing for a moment of silence or a more serious tone when discussing the doctor's letter.
  • The visual elements, such as the view of the backyard and the outside toilet, are effective in establishing the setting. However, the scene could benefit from more sensory details to immerse the audience further. Describing the sounds of the street or the atmosphere in Granny's house could enhance the scene's emotional resonance.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment of reflection from MA about the violence outside before transitioning to the lighter conversation. This could help maintain the tension and remind the audience of the stakes.
  • Balance the humor with moments of seriousness. Perhaps after Granny's joke, MA could express a fleeting concern about the safety of their community, grounding the scene in the reality of their situation.
  • Explore MA's emotional state more deeply. Allow her to express fear or frustration about the violence, which could create a more relatable character and add depth to her interactions with Granny and Pop.
  • Give more weight to the conversation about Pop's health. Allow for a moment of silence or a shift in tone when discussing the doctor's letter, emphasizing the importance of the decisions Pop hints at.
  • Incorporate more sensory details to enhance the setting. Describe the sounds of the street, the smell of food, or the atmosphere in Granny's house to create a more immersive experience for the audience.



Scene 8 -  Questions of Faith
28 INT. BUDDY’S HOUSE DAY 28

The TV is on in the living room. Two women are being interviewed.

TV EYE WITNESS 1
Oh yes, we’re friends on the protestant side.

TV EYE WITNESS 2
They weren’t friends last night...they weren’t friends last
night...


BUDDY
Paddy Kavanagh told me that as long as Catholics
keep confessin everything bad that they do to a
Priest, then they can do whatever they want, and
God’ll forgive them all the time?

MA getting BUDDY ready for church. Jacket on, hair smoothed.

MA
Well Paddy Kavanagh's family’s not gonna be livin in
this street for much longer so you better check if he’s
just takin the hand out of you. I don’t know how the
hell it works. They get a lot of water thrown on them
and then they’re ok and that’s it.

BUDDY
Why aren’t you goin too?

MA
Because me an your father have business to discuss.
God understands. Now, come on.

As MA leans over and kisses BUDDY on his forehead, BUDDY’s face is very close to his
MA’s chest..

BUDDY
What are those?

MA
My little secret.
(PA smiles)
Now come on!

BUDDY
I’ve had too much God for one day!

MA
Yer Granny says you can never have too much God,
you might need him before too long.

PA
Look, mind your nonsense for now, and I’ll take you’ll
to the pictures tomorrow.

BUDDY
Brilliant! Robin and the Seven Hoods is on in the
afternoon at the Capitol - Paddy saw it.


MA
Is that gangsters?

WILL
It’s a blinking musical!

BUDDY
No it’s not, there’s Little John and swords and
everything.

MA
We can’t go tomorrow afternoon, your cousins are
all here. Your uncles and aunties wanna say goodbye
to your Father before he goes back.

BUDDY
But Daddy, are you not gonna be a vigilante on our
barricade?

PA
No more talk about bloody barricades. That old
nonsense’ll stop soon enough.

MA
I wouldn’t be too sure about that.

PA
(to BUDDY)
Hey, less of the long face son.
(to MA)
These two can go and pray for it to stop now...
(to BUDDY)
And we’ll all go down to the big picture house in the
town t’morrow. Daddy’ll pick the film, and we’ll forget
about this whole bunch of eedjits before I’ve to go
back to work.

BUDDY
Was that our side that done all that to them Catholic
houses in our street, Daddy?

PA
There’s no ‘our’ side and ‘their’ side in our street. Well
there didn’t use to be anyway. It’s all bloody religion,
that’s the problem.

BUDDY
Then why are you sending us to church?


PA
Cos yer Granny would kill me if I didn’t.

BUDDY
But Daddy if we were Catholics, we could not go to
church, and then every once in a wee while we could
go in and confess, and then they’d have to tell us we
were forgiven, and we wouldn’t have to go again for
ages.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary In Buddy's house, as preparations for church unfold, Buddy engages his parents in a discussion about religious beliefs and the ongoing tensions in their neighborhood. While MA expresses skepticism about their neighbor's faith and focuses on getting Buddy ready, PA attempts to lighten the mood with promises of a movie outing. Buddy's confusion about the differences between Catholics and Protestants leads to deeper questions about the necessity of church and the nature of forgiveness, highlighting the contrast between childhood innocence and the serious adult concerns surrounding them.
Strengths
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Complex character relationships
  • Emotional depth
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue may be overly explanatory

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively captures the multifaceted nature of family relationships and the underlying tensions caused by external conflicts. The dialogue is engaging and reveals the characters' inner conflicts and hopes, adding depth to the narrative.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring family dynamics in the midst of religious and political turmoil is compelling and adds layers to the overall narrative. The scene effectively conveys the complexities of the characters' beliefs and relationships.

Plot: 8

The plot progression in the scene focuses on character interactions and the impact of external events on their lives. The dialogue drives the narrative forward while revealing key aspects of the characters' motivations and conflicts.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh perspective on religious and cultural tensions, blending humor and drama to explore complex themes of forgiveness, tradition, and identity. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and relatable, adding depth to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed, each with distinct personalities and conflicting beliefs that drive the scene forward. The dialogue showcases their individual struggles and hopes, adding depth to the overall narrative.

Character Changes: 8

The characters undergo subtle changes in their perspectives and beliefs throughout the scene, reflecting the evolving dynamics within the family. These changes add depth to their personalities and relationships.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to understand the complexities of religion and forgiveness, as well as to navigate the tensions between different belief systems. This reflects their deeper need for clarity and understanding in a world filled with conflicting ideologies.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to attend church and navigate family dynamics, including discussions about going to the movies and dealing with the current political situation. This reflects the immediate circumstances and challenges they are facing within their family and community.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The scene presents internal and external conflicts within the family, reflecting the larger religious and political tensions in the setting. The characters' conflicting beliefs and hopes create a sense of tension and uncertainty.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting beliefs, family dynamics, and societal pressures creating obstacles for the protagonist. The audience is left uncertain about how the characters will resolve their conflicts and challenges.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high for the characters as they navigate their beliefs and relationships amidst external conflicts. The scene hints at the potential consequences of their actions and decisions, adding tension to the narrative.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by delving into the characters' inner conflicts and relationships, setting the stage for further developments in the narrative. The dialogue and interactions drive the plot progression effectively.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the shifting dynamics between characters, unexpected revelations, and conflicting beliefs. The audience is kept on their toes, unsure of how the characters will navigate their challenges.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the clash between religious beliefs, societal expectations, and personal convictions. The characters grapple with questions of forgiveness, tradition, and identity, challenging their values and worldviews.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from tension and anxiety to hope and playfulness, as the characters navigate their relationships amidst external turmoil. The emotional depth adds resonance to the narrative.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is engaging and reveals the characters' inner thoughts and conflicts effectively. It adds depth to the scene by showcasing the differing perspectives and beliefs of the family members.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its rich character interactions, emotional depth, and exploration of complex themes. The dialogue is authentic and relatable, drawing the audience into the characters' world and conflicts.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by balancing dialogue, action, and emotional beats. The rhythm of the scene keeps the audience engaged and invested in the characters' journey, building tension and suspense.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting. The visual descriptions and character actions are well-defined, enhancing the reader's understanding of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm contribute to its effectiveness, maintaining a balance between dialogue and action.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the tension and confusion surrounding religious differences in a community affected by violence. Buddy's innocent questions juxtaposed with MA's pragmatic responses highlight the generational divide in understanding these issues.
  • The dialogue is engaging and reflects the characters' personalities well. MA's skepticism about Paddy Kavanagh's beliefs and PA's attempts to lighten the mood with promises of a movie create a dynamic family interaction that feels authentic.
  • However, the scene could benefit from a clearer emotional arc. While there are moments of humor, the underlying tension regarding the family's safety and the community's unrest could be more pronounced. This would enhance the stakes and make the audience more invested in the characters' fates.
  • The transition from the previous scene to this one could be smoother. The abrupt shift from chaos to a domestic setting may disorient the audience. A brief visual or auditory cue could help bridge this gap, reinforcing the contrast between the external violence and the internal family dynamics.
  • Buddy's understanding of religion and his naive perspective on the situation are compelling, but the scene could delve deeper into the implications of his questions. For instance, exploring how MA and PA feel about the violence could add depth to their characters and the overall narrative.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment where MA or PA reflects on the violence outside, perhaps through a brief flashback or a more explicit dialogue that connects their current situation to the chaos in the streets. This would heighten the emotional stakes.
  • Incorporate more physical actions or reactions from the characters that reflect their emotional states. For example, MA could fidget or glance nervously at the window, indicating her anxiety about the outside world.
  • Enhance the dialogue by including more subtext. For instance, when Buddy questions why they are going to church, MA could respond with a hint of fear or resignation, revealing her internal conflict about their safety and beliefs.
  • Consider using the TV report as a narrative device to foreshadow upcoming events or to provide context for the family's situation. This could help ground the scene in the larger conflict while maintaining the focus on the family dynamics.
  • Finally, ensure that the scene maintains a balance between humor and seriousness. While the comedic elements are effective, they should not overshadow the gravity of the situation. A more pronounced emotional shift towards the end could leave the audience with a stronger sense of urgency.



Scene 9 -  The Weight of Sin
29 EXT. PROTESTANT CHURCH EVENING 29

A grand forbidding, modern Gothic exterior.

PA (V.O.)
I’ve nothin against Catholics...but its a religion of fear.


30 INT. PROTESTANT CHURCH EVENING 30

MINISTER
PROTESTANTS, YOU WILL DIE! AGONISINGLY.

BUDDY looks to WILL, very concerned. The Minister drops his voice, to begin a slow
crescendo to the big finish.

MINISTER (CONT'D)
And where will YOU go? When you shuffle off this
pestilential mortal coil. WHERE?

BUDDY’s face, transfixed by the fire and the brimstone.

MINISTER (CONT'D)
I will tell you where.
Picture the scene.
A fork in the road.
In one direction, a straight and narrow highway. In the
other, a long and winding road which stretches down
and away, into an unknowable distance. One will take
you to the bosom of the Lord’s grace for ever and a
day and caress you with beatific love, and the other
will spew you into an eternal pit of sulphorous,
suffering, pustulating pain, from which you will never,
ever, through the seven circles of hell, escape.
And I ask you here and now, which road will you
take?

A beat.


MINISTER (CONT'D)
Now, money.

The collection plate is thrust in front of the BOYS. WILL drops the envelope on it.

THE BOYS
Thanks very much.

BUDDY
Really good.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary In a Protestant church, a Minister delivers a passionate sermon about the dire consequences of sin, captivating the audience with vivid imagery of eternal grace versus suffering. Among the congregation, Buddy is particularly affected, while Will expresses concern for him. The intense atmosphere shifts abruptly as the Minister calls for contributions to the collection plate, contrasting the earlier themes of fear with a mundane church activity.
Strengths
  • Intense atmosphere
  • Effective portrayal of religious themes
  • Compelling conflict setup
Weaknesses
  • Limited character development
  • Lack of resolution in the scene

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys a sense of tension and fear through the Minister's sermon and the reactions of the characters. The religious theme adds depth to the narrative and sets up potential conflicts.


Story Content

Concept: 8.5

The concept of exploring religious themes and the fear of damnation adds depth to the scene. The focus on the Minister's sermon creates a compelling conflict within the narrative.

Plot: 8

The plot progresses by introducing the religious tension within the community and setting up potential conflicts related to belief systems. The scene adds layers to the overall story.

Originality: 8.5

The scene presents a fresh approach to the theme of religion and faith, with unique character interactions and a dramatic setting. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters react realistically to the intense sermon, showcasing their beliefs and fears. The Minister's character adds depth to the religious conflict within the narrative.

Character Changes: 7

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the intense religious atmosphere may impact the characters' beliefs and actions in future scenes.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to confront his beliefs and fears about the afterlife and his faith. This reflects his deeper need for reassurance and understanding of his place in the world.

External Goal: 7.5

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to navigate the intense and intimidating environment of the church service and come to terms with the Minister's message.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between the fear of damnation and the characters' beliefs creates a tense atmosphere. The collection plate moment adds a touch of conflict and humor.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the Minister's intimidating presence and the protagonist's internal struggle adding to the conflict.

High Stakes: 8

The high stakes in the scene revolve around the fear of damnation and the characters' beliefs. The intense atmosphere raises the stakes for the characters.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing the religious tension within the community and setting up potential conflicts related to belief systems. It adds depth to the overall narrative.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists in the Minister's sermon and the protagonist's reactions.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the struggle between faith and fear, salvation and damnation. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs and values about religion and the afterlife.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a sense of fear and tension through the Minister's sermon and the characters' reactions. The religious themes add emotional depth to the narrative.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue effectively conveys the Minister's fervor and the characters' reactions to his sermon. The collection plate moment adds a touch of dark humor.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense dialogue, dramatic setting, and deep exploration of internal and external conflicts.

Pacing: 8.5

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension and suspense, leading to a dramatic climax.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with clear scene headings and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a dramatic and intense church setting, with a clear progression of tension and conflict.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the tension and fear surrounding religious beliefs in a divided community. The Minister's fiery sermon serves as a powerful representation of the indoctrination and fear tactics often employed in religious settings, which is particularly relevant given the historical context of the script.
  • Buddy's reaction to the sermon is well-portrayed, showing his concern and confusion. This emotional response helps ground the scene in the perspective of a child grappling with complex adult themes, making it relatable for the audience.
  • The abrupt transition from the Minister's intense sermon to the collection plate feels jarring. It undermines the emotional weight built up during the sermon and could benefit from a smoother transition that maintains the tension while introducing the mundane reality of church life.
  • The dialogue is impactful, but the Minister's speech could be more varied in tone and pacing. While the crescendo is effective, incorporating pauses or shifts in volume could enhance the dramatic effect and keep the audience engaged throughout.
  • The visual description of the church's exterior is strong, but the interior could be more vividly depicted to enhance the atmosphere. Describing the church's interior details, such as dim lighting, stained glass windows, or the reactions of the congregation, would enrich the scene.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment of silence or reflection after the Minister's intense sermon before introducing the collection plate. This could allow the audience to absorb the weight of his words and create a more impactful transition.
  • Enhance the Minister's speech by incorporating more varied vocal dynamics, such as changes in volume, pacing, and emotional inflection, to maintain audience engagement and emphasize key points.
  • Include more sensory details about the church's interior to create a more immersive experience for the audience. Describing the sights, sounds, and smells of the church could enhance the emotional atmosphere.
  • Explore Buddy's internal conflict further by adding a moment where he questions the Minister's words or reflects on his own beliefs, which could deepen his character development and make the scene more impactful.
  • Consider showing the reactions of other congregation members during the sermon, which could provide a broader perspective on the community's response to the Minister's message and add depth to the scene.



Scene 10 -  A Night of Tension and Domesticity
31 EXT. CITYSCAPE NIGHT 31

Helicopter searchlights.


32 EXT. STREET NIGHT 32

Helicopters shine floodlights. Vigilantes patrol with torches in their hands.


33 INT. BUDDY’S BEDROOM NIGHT 33

BUDDY gets out of his bed, goes to his school bag, pulls out an exercise book, and he
starts to draw a map.


34 INT. BUDDY’S HOUSE / KITCHEN DAY 34

The BOYS and PA help MA prepare the food.

MA
Remember one slice per sandwich. I don’t want to
be giving too much.

TV REPORTER (V.O.)
With regards to the explosive, I think that’s a fair word,
situation in Northern Ireland...


35 INT. BUDDY’S HOUSE / LIVING ROOM DAY 35

The TV blasts out more reports of violence from the previous night.


TV REPORTER
...are we getting there to the point where you as Prime
Minister of the United Kingdom government will feel it
necessary to intervene and use the supreme authority
which is yours in law, either to remedy grievances or to
ensure order.

MA lays out plates of sandwiches on a table in the living room.

PRIME MINISTER
If that became necessary, of course. I shouldn’t shrink
from doing whatever was needed. We have been deeply
concerned about the problem of civil rights in Northern
Ireland. I’ve paid tribute...

Once she’s done with her delivery, she turns off the TV.
Genres: ["Drama","Political"]

Summary The scene begins with a tense nighttime cityscape illuminated by helicopter searchlights, as vigilantes patrol the streets. Inside Buddy's bedroom, he wakes up and draws a map, reflecting his concern for the unrest. The setting shifts to daytime in Buddy's house, where he and other boys help his mother, Ma, prepare sandwiches while she emphasizes the importance of rationing food. A TV reporter discusses the violent situation in Northern Ireland, hinting at governmental concerns. Ma turns off the TV, signaling a retreat from the chaos outside, highlighting the contrast between the external turmoil and their domestic life.
Strengths
  • Effective portrayal of tension and turmoil
  • Strong emotional impact
  • High stakes and conflict level
Weaknesses
  • Limited character development
  • Dialogue could be more nuanced

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys the tension and seriousness of the situation, with strong emotional impact and high stakes. The execution is well-done, but there is room for improvement in character development and dialogue.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of portraying a community in distress amidst political unrest is strong. The importance of the concept lies in highlighting the impact of violence and conflict on individuals and families.

Plot: 8

The plot effectively showcases the escalating violence and political tension in the community. However, there could be more development in character arcs and interactions.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh perspective on political unrest and civil rights issues in Northern Ireland, providing a unique take on the challenges faced by the characters. The authenticity of the dialogue and actions adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 7.5

The characters show fear, concern, and relief in response to the turmoil, but there is room for deeper exploration of their motivations and relationships. The dialogue could be more nuanced to enhance character development.

Character Changes: 7

While the characters experience fear and relief, there is limited development or significant change in this scene. There is potential for deeper exploration of character growth and transformation.

Internal Goal: 8

Buddy's internal goal in this scene is to work on his map, which reflects his desire for adventure, exploration, or escape from the current situation. It may also indicate a need for control or a sense of purpose.

External Goal: 9

The external goal in this scene is to prepare food and deal with the ongoing political situation in Northern Ireland. It reflects the immediate challenges and responsibilities faced by the characters in the household.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The level of conflict is high, with the community facing external threats and internal struggles. The scene effectively conveys the tension and danger present in the environment.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with political unrest, civil rights issues, and personal conflicts creating obstacles for the characters to overcome. The audience is kept on edge by the uncertainty of the situation.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high as the characters navigate through a dangerous and uncertain environment. The threat of violence and political unrest adds urgency and tension to the scene.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by showcasing the escalating violence and political tension in the community. It sets the stage for further developments and challenges faced by the characters.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected political developments and the characters' reactions to the news reports. The audience is left unsure of how the situation will escalate or resolve.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the tension between maintaining civil rights and order in Northern Ireland. It challenges the characters' beliefs about government intervention, civil liberties, and the use of authority.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene has a strong emotional impact, evoking feelings of fear, concern, and relief in the characters and the audience. The turmoil and chaos create a sense of urgency and empathy.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue serves its purpose in conveying information and emotions, but it could be more impactful and reflective of the characters' personalities. There is potential for improvement in creating more authentic and engaging conversations.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the high stakes, political intrigue, and character dynamics at play. The tension and conflict keep the audience invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and suspense, with a balance of dialogue, action, and description. It keeps the audience engaged and invested in the unfolding events.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with proper scene headings, descriptions, and dialogue formatting. It is easy to follow and visually engaging.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with clear transitions between locations and a focus on character interactions and dialogue. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the effectiveness of the scene.


Critique
  • The scene effectively juxtaposes the chaos outside with the domestic life inside Buddy's home, highlighting the tension between the external violence and the family's attempts to maintain normalcy. However, the transition from the night scene with helicopters to the daytime kitchen scene feels abrupt. A smoother transition could enhance the flow of the narrative.
  • The dialogue from MA about rationing sandwiches is a poignant reflection of the family's struggle amidst the turmoil, but it could benefit from more emotional depth. Adding a line that reveals her anxiety or fear about the situation could strengthen the audience's connection to her character.
  • The use of the TV reporter's voiceover is a clever device to convey the broader context of the violence in Northern Ireland. However, the dialogue from the Prime Minister feels somewhat detached and could be made more impactful by incorporating a more personal or emotional response to the situation, perhaps reflecting on the human cost of the violence.
  • The scene lacks a strong emotional climax or moment of tension. While it sets up the atmosphere of fear and uncertainty, it doesn't fully capitalize on the potential for a dramatic moment that could resonate with the audience. Consider introducing a moment where the family reacts to the news in a way that reveals their fears or hopes.
  • The visual elements, such as the contrast between the helicopter searchlights and the domestic setting, are effective, but they could be enhanced by more descriptive language that paints a vivid picture of the scene. This would help the reader visualize the stark differences between the chaos outside and the family's attempts to cope inside.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment of Buddy's internal thoughts or feelings about the violence outside, which could provide insight into his character and the impact of the situation on him as a child.
  • Enhance the emotional weight of MA's dialogue by including a line that expresses her fears for her family or her frustration with the situation, making her character more relatable and grounded in the reality of the conflict.
  • Revise the Prime Minister's dialogue to include a more personal touch, perhaps reflecting on the families affected by the violence, which would create a stronger emotional connection with the audience.
  • Introduce a moment of tension or conflict within the family as they prepare the sandwiches, such as a disagreement about how to handle the situation or a moment of panic when they hear a loud noise outside, to heighten the emotional stakes.
  • Add more descriptive details to the visual elements of the scene, such as the flickering lights of the helicopters casting shadows in the room or the sound of distant chaos, to create a more immersive experience for the reader.



Scene 11 -  Checkpoint Banter
36 EXT. BUDDY’S STREET DAY 36

Visiting family members arriving and having to go through the ‘checkpoint’ at the barricade.

SOLDIER
Make an orderly queue to be allowed entrance to
the street please.

MACKIE, a local cafe owner, is unimpressed by the arrangements.

MACKIE
Not doin a strip search this time, hey Frankie?

FRANKIE WEST
Whose d’ya belong to here?

MACKIE
You know full bloody well who we belong to.
I’m takin ma wife de er sisters just like I’ve been doin’
all my bloody life.

FRANKIE WEST
House number?

MACKIE
There is no number, just a name.

FRANKIE WEST
And what’s the name?


MACKIE
‘Arsehole’.

FRANKIE WEST
Very funny Mack. Always the joker, eh? On yer go.

They step away towards BUDDY’s house.

FRANKIE WEST (CONT'D)
We won’t worry about the name or the number, we
know where they live.


37 EXT. BUDDY’S HOUSE / STREET DAY 37

LATER. The record player is wedged at the windowsill, electric cord stretching to its limit,
but it does its job and the sound plays out on to the street where the family have spilled
from the house. Walls and pavements awash with cousins, brothers, sisters, drinks and
sandwiches in hand - a clan. MA and PA are jiving expertly to CALEDONIA SWING by
Van Morrison They are both youthful, carefree, sexy. People talk, watch, and clap.
Genres: ["Drama","Family"]

Summary On a lively street, local cafe owner Mackie humorously confronts the absurdity of a checkpoint manned by soldier Frankie West, who allows him and his family to pass without further questioning. The scene transitions to Buddy's house, where a joyful family gathering unfolds, filled with music, dancing, and celebration, highlighting the contrast between the checkpoint's tension and the warmth of family togetherness.
Strengths
  • Authentic family dynamics
  • Balanced tone
  • Emotional resonance
Weaknesses
  • Limited external conflict exploration
  • Lack of significant character development

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively balances the tension of the external conflict with the warmth and humor of the family gathering. It provides a much-needed respite from the intense themes of the screenplay while still advancing the plot.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of showcasing a family reunion amidst a backdrop of conflict adds depth to the narrative and highlights the resilience of the characters. It effectively explores themes of unity and strength in the face of adversity.

Plot: 8

The plot progresses by showing the family coming together in a moment of celebration, providing a contrast to the external conflict. It adds layers to the characters and advances the theme of resilience.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on the theme of authority and resistance, with unique character dynamics and dialogue that feel authentic and engaging.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters are well-developed, with their relationships and personalities shining through in the scene. The interactions between family members feel authentic and add depth to the story.

Character Changes: 7

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the interactions between family members showcase their relationships and dynamics, contributing to their overall development.

Internal Goal: 8

Mackie's internal goal is to protect his family and maintain his sense of identity and humor in the face of authority.

External Goal: 7.5

Mackie's external goal is to get his family safely through the checkpoint and into Buddy's house for a gathering.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

While there is external conflict hinted at in the background, the main focus of the scene is on the internal family dynamics and unity. The conflict serves as a backdrop to highlight the importance of family bonds.

Opposition: 7.5

The opposition in the scene is strong but not insurmountable, adding conflict and uncertainty to the characters' interactions.

High Stakes: 6

The stakes are relatively low in this scene, focusing more on the personal relationships and dynamics within the family. However, the backdrop of external conflict adds a sense of urgency and tension.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by highlighting the resilience and unity of the family in the face of conflict. It adds layers to the characters and advances the theme of strength in adversity.

Unpredictability: 7.5

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected humor and defiance displayed by the characters, keeping the audience on their toes.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The scene presents a conflict between personal identity and societal control. Mackie's humor and defiance challenge the authority of the soldiers and the checkpoint system.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from tension and anxiety to joy and relief. The contrast between the external conflict and the family reunion adds depth and emotional resonance.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue effectively conveys the emotions and relationships between the characters. It captures both the tension of the external conflict and the warmth of the family gathering.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its blend of humor, tension, and social commentary, drawing the audience into the characters' world and conflicts.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and humor, keeping the audience engaged and moving the story forward at a steady pace.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows standard formatting for a screenplay, with clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with well-defined character interactions and a progression of events that build tension and humor effectively.


Critique
  • The scene effectively contrasts the tension of the checkpoint with the lively atmosphere of Buddy's house, showcasing the duality of life in Belfast during this tumultuous time. However, the transition between these two moods could be more pronounced to enhance the emotional impact.
  • Mackie's banter with Frankie West adds a layer of humor to an otherwise serious situation, which is a strong choice. However, the dialogue could benefit from more specificity or unique character traits to make their interactions feel more distinct and memorable.
  • The use of music in the second part of the scene is a great way to convey the joy and resilience of the family amidst the chaos outside. However, the description of the music and the dancing could be expanded to create a more vivid picture of the scene, allowing readers to feel the energy and joy of the gathering.
  • The dialogue between Mackie and Frankie serves to establish their relationship and the absurdity of the situation, but it could be tightened to maintain pacing. Some lines feel a bit repetitive, which could detract from the overall flow of the scene.
  • The scene ends on a high note with the family celebration, but it might benefit from a brief moment of reflection or acknowledgment of the external chaos, reinforcing the contrast between the two worlds and deepening the emotional resonance.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment where Mackie reflects on the absurdity of the checkpoint, perhaps through a humorous internal monologue, to deepen his character and enhance the comedic tone.
  • Enhance the description of the music and dancing in Buddy's house to evoke a stronger sense of joy and community, perhaps by including specific movements or reactions from family members.
  • Tighten the dialogue between Mackie and Frankie by removing any redundant lines and focusing on the most impactful exchanges to maintain a brisk pace.
  • Introduce a visual or auditory cue that signifies the transition from the checkpoint to the celebration, such as the sound of laughter or music growing louder as they approach Buddy's house.
  • Consider ending the scene with a line that hints at the underlying tension outside, perhaps through a character's comment or a distant sound, to maintain a connection to the broader context of the story.



Scene 12 -  Crafting Identity
38 EXT. BUDDY’S BACKYARD DAY 38

The sound of shouting, singing, talking, drinking squash and eating cake drifts in from the folk
inside the house and out on the street at the front. The back door to the Entry is open.
Some of them are out there playing football. BUDDY and self-styled Tomboy, MOIRA are
carving and shaping wooden hand catapults by the back door.

MOIRA
You can tell them by their names.

BUDDY
How?

MOIRA
Well if he’s a Patrick or a Sean, he’s a Catholic, and if
he’s a Billy or a William, he’s a protestant.

BUDDY
There’s more names than that though.

MOIRA
I know that, I’m just sayin, them’s the obvious ones.

BUDDY
What about...Maurice?


MOIRA
Er...dunno.

BUDDY
Um...we’ve a wee fella down our street called
Thomas, what’s he?

MOIRA
Protestant definitely!

BUDDY
He’s not, he’s a Catholic.

MOIRA
No he’s not.

BUDDY
He is, sure they burnt his house out the other night,
cos his family IS Catholic.

MOIRA
Sure we’ve a cousin called Thomas.

BUDDY
I know. That’s what I’m sayin.

MOIRA
Well how the hell are you supposed to know then?

BUDDY
You have to get taught it.

MOIRA
Who teaches yer?
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary In Buddy's backyard, amidst the sounds of a festive gathering, Buddy and Moira engage in crafting wooden hand catapults while playfully discussing the religious affiliations tied to names. Their conversation reveals differing perspectives on identity and community, particularly around a boy named Thomas, highlighting the confusion and need for education on such matters. The scene captures their friendship through a light-hearted yet serious exploration of the complexities of religious identity, ending with Moira questioning who teaches children about these issues.
Strengths
  • Authentic dialogue
  • Exploration of complex themes through children's perspective
  • Engaging character interaction
Weaknesses
  • Limited plot progression
  • Low emotional impact

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively introduces the theme of religious and cultural differences through a light-hearted conversation between children, providing insight into the complexities of identity in a divided community.


Story Content

Concept: 8.5

The concept of exploring religious and cultural differences through children's conversation about names is unique and thought-provoking. It adds depth to the narrative by highlighting the impact of labels on individual identity.

Plot: 7.5

While the scene does not significantly advance the main plot, it serves as a crucial moment of character development and thematic exploration. The conversation about names lays the foundation for future conflicts and challenges faced by the characters.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh perspective on societal divisions and identity through the lens of children's innocent curiosity. The dialogue feels authentic and relatable, adding depth to the characters.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The scene effectively showcases the personalities of Buddy and Moira through their inquisitive and playful interaction. Their curiosity and innocence add depth to their characters and set the tone for their growth throughout the story.

Character Changes: 5

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, it lays the groundwork for future growth and development as Buddy and Moira navigate the complexities of their identities.

Internal Goal: 8

Buddy's internal goal is to understand the religious divide in their community and how it affects people's identities. This reflects his curiosity and desire for knowledge about the world around him.

External Goal: 7.5

Buddy's external goal is to figure out the religious affiliation of people based on their names. This reflects his attempt to navigate the societal norms and divisions in his community.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 3

While there is a subtle undercurrent of tension related to religious and cultural differences, the scene primarily focuses on exploration and discovery rather than overt conflict.

Opposition: 7.5

The opposition in the scene is strong as the characters face conflicting beliefs and perceptions, adding depth to the narrative.

High Stakes: 2

The stakes are relatively low in this scene, focusing more on character development and thematic exploration than immediate danger or conflict.

Story Forward: 5

The scene does not significantly move the main plot forward but provides essential context and thematic exploration that will impact future events and character arcs.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists in the characters' assumptions and revelations about identity.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict in this scene is the idea of judging people based on their names and religious affiliations. It challenges the characters' assumptions and stereotypes, highlighting the complexity of identity and perception.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

The scene evokes a sense of curiosity and amusement, engaging the audience in the characters' exploration of names and labels. While it may not elicit strong emotional reactions, it sets the stage for deeper emotional engagement in future scenes.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is engaging and authentic, capturing the natural flow of conversation between children. It effectively conveys the theme of identity and cultural differences through the characters' exploration of names and labels.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the lively dialogue, relatable characters, and the exploration of complex themes in a simple setting.

Pacing: 8.5

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and revealing character dynamics through the natural flow of dialogue.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear descriptions and dialogue cues.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a natural flow of conversation and character interactions, maintaining the expected structure for its genre.


Critique
  • The dialogue between Buddy and Moira effectively captures the innocence of childhood while addressing the complexities of religious identity in Northern Ireland. However, the conversation could benefit from a clearer emotional arc or stakes to enhance engagement. As it stands, the exchange feels somewhat static and could use a moment of realization or conflict that propels the characters forward.
  • Moira's character is established as a self-styled tomboy, which is a strong choice, but her dialogue could be more distinct to emphasize her personality. Adding unique phrases or a specific way of speaking could help differentiate her from Buddy and make her more memorable.
  • The scene's setting in the backyard is lively and reflects a sense of community, but it could be enhanced by incorporating more sensory details. Describing the sights, sounds, and smells of the gathering could immerse the audience further into the atmosphere, making it feel more vibrant and alive.
  • The discussion about names and religious affiliations is a poignant way to explore identity, but it risks oversimplifying the complexities of the situation. Consider adding a moment where Buddy or Moira reflects on the implications of these labels, perhaps expressing confusion or frustration about the societal divisions they represent.
  • The scene ends abruptly with Moira's question about who teaches these distinctions. This could be a stronger moment if it led to a more profound realization or a humorous twist that reflects the absurdity of the situation. As it stands, it feels like a setup for a larger conversation that doesn't quite materialize.
Suggestions
  • Introduce a moment of tension or conflict in the dialogue that reflects the seriousness of the religious divisions, perhaps through a disagreement or a revelation that challenges their understanding.
  • Enhance Moira's character by giving her a catchphrase or a unique way of expressing herself that sets her apart from Buddy, making her a more dynamic character.
  • Incorporate more sensory details to paint a vivid picture of the backyard gathering, such as the taste of the cake, the warmth of the sun, or the laughter of children playing football.
  • Consider adding a reflective moment where Buddy or Moira expresses their feelings about the labels they are discussing, which could deepen the emotional impact of the scene.
  • End the scene with a stronger punchline or a moment of realization that ties back to the themes of identity and community, leaving the audience with something to ponder.



Scene 13 -  The Double Bluff Dilemma
39 EXT. BUDDY’S STREET DAY 39

PA is telling a joke to the crowd.

PA
...so the Doctor says, ‘Listen John I got some bad
news, and worse.”
John says “Oh no, what’s the bad news?”
He goes “Well you’ve only 24 hours to live”
John says “That’s awful! What can be worse than
that?”
Doctor says “Well. I’ve been trying to get hold of you
since yesterday”


The crowd laugh.


40 EXT. BUDDY’S BACKYARD DAY 40

BUDDY
Why do ya even need to know?

MOIRA
In case they attack you.

BUDDY
When?

MOIRA
When you’re out an about.

BUDDY
But if they’re attacking you, they’re not gonna stop an
tell you their name.

MOIRA
It wouldn’t get to that stage.

BUDDY
Why?

MOIRA
‘Cos you use your secret knowledge to bluff them.

BUDDY
What are you talking about?

MOIRA
They can just come up to you, when yer not
expectin’ it, and ask you, “Are you a protestant or a
Catholic”, but it’s a trick question you see, cos they
don’t tell you what they are, and what do you say
then? To not get a dig in the gob?

BUDDY
I’m a Catholic?

MOIRA
Wrong. That’s exactly what they think you will say.
They think you’re tryin to bluff them. But you have
to double bluff them.


BUDDY
How?

MOIRA
You say, “I’m a Protestant”.

BUDDY
But I AM a Protestant.

MOIRA
That’s the point.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary The scene begins with PA entertaining a crowd with a humorous joke, creating a light-hearted atmosphere. It then transitions to Buddy and Moira in Buddy's backyard, where they discuss the complexities of religious identity amidst potential conflict. Moira introduces a strategy involving a double bluff to navigate tricky questions about being Protestant or Catholic, leaving Buddy both intrigued and confused about the concept. The tone shifts from humor to a more serious contemplation of identity, ending with Buddy still puzzled by Moira's advice.
Strengths
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Character dynamics
  • Exploration of complex themes
Weaknesses
  • Limited external action
  • Relatively low stakes

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively balances light-hearted banter with serious undertones, providing insight into the characters' perspectives on religious identity and conflict.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of bluffing one's religious identity in a conflict-ridden environment is intriguing and adds depth to the scene.

Plot: 8

The plot progression is driven by the characters' conversation, shedding light on their beliefs and the challenges they face.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh approach to the theme of religious identity and conflict, presenting it in a humorous and engaging manner. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

Buddy and Moira are well-developed characters with distinct personalities, whose interaction adds layers to the scene.

Character Changes: 7

While there is no significant character transformation, the scene deepens the audience's understanding of Buddy and Moira's beliefs and strategies.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to navigate a tricky situation involving religious identity and potential conflict. This reflects their desire to avoid confrontation and maintain their safety.

External Goal: 7.5

The protagonist's external goal is to understand how to handle a potential conflict based on religious identity. This reflects the immediate challenge they are facing in the scene.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict is primarily internal, revolving around the characters' struggle to navigate a divided community and maintain their safety.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting viewpoints and potential conflict based on religious identity. The audience is left uncertain of how the characters will navigate the situation, adding tension to the scene.

High Stakes: 6

The stakes are moderate, focusing on the characters' safety and identity in a conflicted environment.

Story Forward: 7

The scene provides insight into the characters' motivations and challenges, contributing to the overall narrative development.

Unpredictability: 7.5

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists in the characters' dialogue and the nuanced approach to the theme of religious identity. The audience is kept on their toes, unsure of how the situation will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the idea of identity and deception. The characters discuss the complexities of religious identity and how to navigate potential conflict through strategic communication.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene elicits a mix of light-hearted amusement and underlying tension, creating a nuanced emotional impact.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is engaging, revealing the characters' thoughts on a complex issue in a relatable and authentic manner.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its witty dialogue, humorous exchanges, and thought-provoking discussion on identity and conflict. The audience is drawn into the characters' interactions and the tension of the situation.

Pacing: 8.5

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a balance of humor and tension that keeps the audience engaged. The rhythm of the dialogue and character interactions contributes to the effectiveness of the scene.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and easy to follow, with distinct character dialogue and scene descriptions. It adheres to the expected format for its genre, enhancing the readability of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with well-defined character interactions and dialogue. It maintains the expected format for its genre, balancing humor and tension effectively.


Critique
  • The scene effectively juxtaposes the light-heartedness of PA's joke with the serious undertones of Buddy and Moira's conversation about religious identity. This contrast highlights the tension in their environment, but it could be more explicitly connected to the overarching themes of the screenplay.
  • Buddy's confusion about the double bluff strategy is relatable and reflects the innocence of childhood amidst complex societal issues. However, the dialogue could benefit from more clarity to ensure the audience fully grasps the implications of the conversation. The stakes of knowing one's identity in a conflict-ridden environment should be more pronounced.
  • Moira's explanation of the trick question is intriguing but could be streamlined for better pacing. The dialogue feels slightly repetitive, particularly in Buddy's questioning. This could be tightened to maintain the audience's engagement and enhance the flow of the conversation.
  • The humor in PA's joke is a nice touch, but it may feel disconnected from the subsequent serious discussion between Buddy and Moira. A smoother transition between these two tones could enhance the scene's cohesion. Consider adding a line or action that links the two moments more effectively.
  • The scene lacks a strong visual element that could enhance the storytelling. While the dialogue is engaging, incorporating more physical actions or reactions from the characters could provide a richer experience for the audience. For example, showing Buddy's body language or facial expressions could emphasize his confusion and curiosity.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment where Buddy reflects on the implications of Moira's advice, perhaps showing a moment of realization or concern about the seriousness of their discussion.
  • Streamline the dialogue to reduce repetition and enhance clarity. For instance, instead of Buddy repeatedly asking 'Why?' or 'How?', he could express his confusion in a more varied manner, which would keep the conversation dynamic.
  • Introduce a visual element that reflects the tension of the conversation, such as showing the reactions of nearby adults or children who might overhear the discussion, thereby grounding the conversation in the larger context of their environment.
  • Create a stronger transition between PA's joke and the serious conversation by having Buddy react to the joke in a way that connects to his subsequent discussion with Moira, perhaps by expressing a desire to understand the complexities of their world.
  • Consider ending the scene with a more definitive emotional beat, such as Buddy's expression of concern or determination, which could set up the stakes for his character moving forward in the story.



Scene 14 -  Tensions on the Field
41 EXT. BACK ENTRY LATER 41

A Football game in progress.

BUDDY
......and Blanchflower now at the halfway line. He
looks up, is there nothin this Spurs right half cannot
do...

BUDDY kicks the ball it goes too far and lands instead at the feet of two men who are
walking up the street towards them. BILLY CLANTON traps the ball expertly.

BILLY CLANTON
Nice pass son. Would you go on away in and tell yer
Pa I’d like to have a wee chat with him please? Tell
him it’s Billy Clanton.

MCLAURY
And McLaury.


42 EXT. BUDDY’S BACKYARD / BACK ENTRY LATER 42

BUDDY is watching his Father talking with the other man. His MA, at the kitchen window
is also looking. The kids are gone.

PA
What do you want?

BILLY CLANTON
We’re lookin to cleanse the community a wee bit.
You wouldn’t wanna be the odd man out in this
street. You saw what happened to your neighbours
from the other side.


PA
You touch my family, an’ I’ll kill you.

MACKIE appears at the door.

BILLY CLANTON
Calm down fella. Sure I’m a Protestant like yerself.

MACKIE
All alright?

PA
Yeh, we’re ok Mackie.

BILLY CLANTON
Look, things get out of hand pretty quick around
these parts. Cash or commitment, we’ll accept either.
The boys who cleaned up yer street have made me
their local chief. So you can report to me with
either.

PA turns to see the faces of BUDDY and MACKIE.

MACKIE
Buddy come on. Want to show you how to play this
game. Come on, let’s have a look, ah?

They walk inside.

BILLY CLANTON walks away with his cohort. Stops to talk briefly to WILL, all smiles and
hair ruffling.
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary During a football game in Buddy's backyard, a confrontation erupts when Buddy accidentally kicks the ball to Billy Clanton and McLaury. Clanton demands a meeting with Buddy's father, threatening to 'cleanse' the community if his demands are not met. Buddy's father stands his ground, warning Clanton against harming his family. The scene is charged with tension as Clanton leaves after asserting his control, while Buddy and Mackie retreat inside, leaving the conflict unresolved.
Strengths
  • Effective tension-building
  • Strong character interactions
  • Compelling dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Potential for more nuanced character development
  • Limited exploration of internal character conflicts

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively builds tension and suspense through the interaction between characters, the threat of violence, and the underlying power struggle. It keeps the audience engaged and invested in the outcome.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of community cleansing and the power dynamics at play are effectively portrayed, setting the stage for future conflicts and character developments.

Plot: 8.5

The plot of the scene is crucial in setting up the escalating conflict within the community and establishing the power dynamics that will drive future events.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on the theme of family protection and community conflict, with unique character dynamics and a sense of impending danger. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-developed, with clear motivations and relationships that drive their actions in the scene. The interactions between characters add depth to the narrative.

Character Changes: 8

The characters undergo subtle changes in their relationships and motivations, setting the stage for future character development and conflict.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to protect his family and maintain their safety in the face of potential threats. This reflects his deeper need for security and stability.

External Goal: 7.5

The protagonist's external goal is to navigate the dangerous situation presented by Billy Clanton and his cohort without escalating the conflict. This reflects the immediate challenge of dealing with potential violence and intimidation.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The level of conflict in the scene is high, with the threat of violence and power struggle creating a tense and suspenseful atmosphere.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the antagonist posing a clear threat to the protagonist and his family. The audience is left uncertain of how the conflict will be resolved.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in the scene, with the threat of violence and power struggle putting the characters and the community at risk.

Story Forward: 9

The scene effectively moves the story forward by establishing the escalating conflict within the community and setting the stage for future events and character developments.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the shifting power dynamics and the potential for violence. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of how the situation will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

There is a philosophical conflict between the protagonist's values of family and community safety, and the antagonist's values of power and control. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs and forces him to make difficult decisions.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes fear, tension, and defiance, creating an emotional impact on the audience and setting the stage for future emotional developments.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue effectively conveys the tension and power struggle within the community, adding depth to the characters and driving the plot forward.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the high stakes, tense interactions, and the sense of danger that permeates the dialogue and actions of the characters.

Pacing: 8.5

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension and suspense gradually, leading to a climactic confrontation. The rhythm of the dialogue adds to the sense of urgency.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings and dialogue formatting. The visual descriptions enhance the atmosphere of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the effectiveness of the scene.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes tension through the interaction between PA and BILLY CLANTON, highlighting the threat posed by Clanton and his intentions to 'cleanse the community.' This conflict is crucial in showcasing the societal pressures and dangers faced by the characters, particularly PA's protective instincts towards his family.
  • The dialogue is sharp and conveys the underlying menace of the situation. PA's response to Clanton's threat is powerful and sets the stakes high, emphasizing his determination to protect his family. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtext; while PA's threat is clear, exploring his emotional state could add depth to his character.
  • The transition from the football game to the confrontation is somewhat abrupt. While it serves to juxtapose the innocence of childhood play with the harsh realities of adult conflicts, a smoother transition could enhance the flow of the scene. Perhaps a brief moment of Buddy's enjoyment before the tension escalates could serve as a more poignant contrast.
  • The presence of MACKIE adds a layer of community dynamics, but his role feels somewhat passive. He checks in on PA but doesn't actively engage in the conflict. Strengthening his involvement could provide a more rounded perspective on the community's response to Clanton's threats.
  • The scene ends with a sense of unresolved tension, which is effective, but it could be enhanced by a stronger visual or emotional cue. For instance, showing Buddy's reaction to the confrontation could ground the scene in his perspective, emphasizing the impact of adult conflicts on children.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment where Buddy reflects on the game or the joy of playing football before the confrontation occurs. This could heighten the emotional impact of the shift from innocence to danger.
  • Explore PA's emotional state further during the confrontation. Adding internal thoughts or a brief flashback could deepen the audience's understanding of his motivations and fears.
  • Enhance MACKIE's role by having him express his own concerns or opinions about Clanton's threats. This could create a more dynamic interaction and showcase different community responses to the violence.
  • Incorporate a visual element that emphasizes the tension at the end of the scene, such as a close-up of Buddy's worried expression or a lingering shot of the street after Clanton leaves, to leave the audience with a strong sense of unease.
  • Consider tightening the dialogue to make it more impactful. For example, PA's threat could be more concise, allowing the weight of his words to resonate more strongly.



Scene 15 -  The Weight of Waiting
43 EXT. BUDDY’S STREET DAY 43

All the Aunties, Uncles and Cousins leave the party.

PA
Buddy give your brother a hand, will you?

PA tries to move the sofa away from their front door, but it’s too heavy.

MA waves at two soldiers.

MA
Can you give us a hand?

The Soldiers run to PA’s aid.


MA (CONT'D)
Do you want to put the guns down?

SOLDIER
No it’s alright, thank you.

MA
Don’t you be scratching my wall.

The Soldiers help PA lift the sofa and move it back into the house.


44 EXT. BACK ENTRY DAY 44

PA empties bins, neighbours doing the same.

PA
Stewie.

MR STEWART walks past Buddy’s house.

MR STEWART (O.S.)
Frankie.

FRANKIE WEST (O.S.)
You alright?

FRANKIE WEST appears.

PA
Hey Frankie. Is that you all this time in the barricades?

FRANKIE WEST
Somebody has to. Better me than Billy Clanton. Not
many people chose this.

PA
There’s a few men hiding behind them barricades.

FRANKIE WEST
And they’ll keep hiding where they’re afraid for their
families. It’s a waiting game now. When it’s time for
that wall to come down, I’ll be the first to swing a
hammer, but now they also serve who stand and
wait. We can’t all be acting the lone ranger.
Genres: ["Drama","War"]

Summary After a lively party at Buddy's house, Pa struggles to move a heavy sofa from the front door, seeking help from Buddy and later receiving assistance from soldiers. Meanwhile, Ma expresses concern about her wall while calling for help. In the back, Pa encounters Mr. Stewart and Frankie West, who discuss the tense situation at the barricades, with Frankie emphasizing the importance of patience over impulsive action. The scene blends light-hearted moments with a serious reflection on the ongoing conflict.
Strengths
  • Authentic character interactions
  • Effective portrayal of community resilience
  • Strong emotional impact
Weaknesses
  • Limited exploration of individual character arcs

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys the tense atmosphere of the neighborhood during a time of conflict, while also emphasizing the strength and unity of the community. The dialogue and interactions between characters feel authentic and contribute to the overall tone of the scene.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of community resilience in the face of conflict is well-developed in the scene. The focus on how the characters come together to support each other adds depth to the overall narrative.

Plot: 8

The plot progression in the scene effectively moves the story forward by showcasing the impact of the conflict on the community and the characters' responses to it.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh perspective on the theme of duty and sacrifice in the midst of conflict, with nuanced character interactions and realistic dialogue. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters in the scene are well-developed and their interactions feel authentic, adding depth to the overall narrative. The relationships between the characters are explored effectively.

Character Changes: 8

The characters in the scene experience subtle changes in their attitudes and behaviors, particularly in how they come together to support each other in the face of danger.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to maintain a sense of normalcy and protect his family in the midst of conflict and uncertainty. This reflects his deeper need for security and stability in a volatile environment.

External Goal: 7.5

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to help his father move the sofa and interact with the neighbors, showing his role in the community and his awareness of the ongoing conflict.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The level of conflict in the scene is high, with the community facing external threats and challenges that test their unity and resilience.

Opposition: 7.5

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create conflict and challenge the characters' beliefs and values, adding depth to the narrative.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in the scene, with the community facing external threats and challenges that could have serious consequences for their safety and well-being.

Story Forward: 9

The scene effectively moves the story forward by highlighting the impact of the conflict on the community and setting up future developments in the narrative.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected interactions between characters and the underlying tension in the neighborhood.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the idea of duty and sacrifice for the greater good. Frankie West's dialogue about serving and waiting challenges the protagonist's beliefs about taking action and being a hero.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene has a strong emotional impact, evoking feelings of fear, relief, and unity among the characters and the audience.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue in the scene is realistic and contributes to the overall tone and themes of unity and resilience. The conversations between characters feel natural and engaging.

Engagement: 8.5

This scene is engaging because of the subtle tension and conflict between characters, as well as the sense of community and unity in the neighborhood.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the characters' struggles.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings and descriptions that enhance the visual storytelling.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with well-defined character interactions and dialogue. It effectively sets up the conflict and tension in the neighborhood.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the mundane yet tense atmosphere of life in a conflict zone, showcasing the juxtaposition of everyday tasks with the presence of soldiers and the underlying threat of violence. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtext to enhance the tension. For instance, while the soldiers' refusal to put down their guns is a clear indication of the situation's seriousness, adding a layer of discomfort or reluctance in their tone could deepen the emotional impact.
  • The character of Frankie West serves as a voice of reason, but his dialogue feels somewhat expository. While it's important to convey the stakes of the barricades, the phrasing could be more natural and less like a monologue. Consider breaking up his lines with interruptions or reactions from PA to create a more dynamic exchange.
  • The scene transitions from the front door to the back entry, which is a good way to show the continuity of life in the neighborhood. However, the shift could be more visually distinct. Adding a brief description of the environment or the sounds of the neighborhood could help ground the reader in the setting and emphasize the contrast between the lively party and the serious conversations about safety.
  • The humor in MA's line about not scratching the wall adds a light touch to an otherwise tense scene, but it could be more integrated into the dialogue. Perhaps MA could express her concern in a more playful manner, which would help balance the tone and make her character more relatable.
  • The scene ends with a philosophical note from Frankie about waiting and the nature of bravery. While this is a strong thematic element, it could be more impactful if it were tied back to PA's personal stakes or fears. This would create a stronger emotional resonance and connect the audience more deeply with the characters' experiences.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more subtext to the soldiers' dialogue to convey their discomfort with the situation, enhancing the tension.
  • Revise Frankie's dialogue to make it feel more conversational and less expository. Incorporate interruptions or reactions from PA to create a more dynamic exchange.
  • Enhance the transition between the front door and back entry by adding sensory details that ground the reader in the setting and highlight the contrast between the party atmosphere and the serious discussions.
  • Integrate MA's humor more seamlessly into the dialogue to maintain a balance between tension and light-heartedness, making her character more relatable.
  • Tie Frankie's philosophical remarks back to PA's personal stakes or fears to create a stronger emotional connection and resonance with the audience.



Scene 16 -  A Night at the Movies
45 INT. CINEMA EVENING 45

An explosion of lava on the screen - One Million Years B.C.

FILM COMMENTATOR (V.O.)
This is a story of a long, long ago. When the world was
just beginning. A young world. A world early in the
morning of time.

A woman in a fur bikini fights with a dinosaur. The BOYS are rapt.

MA
No wonder you brought us to this.

PA
It’s educational for the boys.

MA
Aye. Rachel Welch is a hell of an education.


46 EXT. STORM CLOUDS OVER BELFAST NIGHT 46


47 INT. BUDDY’S HOUSE/ HALLWAY NIGHT 47

PA sitting on the stairs talks to the BOYS before bed. They are in pyjamas.

PA
If people ask you to join anything, deliver anything, do
messages for anybody, you do nothin, ok? You tell
your Ma, she’ll tell me, an I’ll sort it. Do you
understand me?

WILL
Yes Daddy.

PA
Very good. I’m proud of you son. Now get off to bed
the pair o’ you. I’m out too early in the morning to
see you, so make sure you get to school alright.
Don’t mess your Mother about, and I’ll see you in
two weeks, ok?

THE BOYS
Yes Daddy.

PA
Good boys.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary In a cinema, the audience is enthralled by the film 'One Million Years B.C.', featuring a woman in a fur bikini battling a dinosaur, while a mother humorously highlights its educational value. The scene shifts to a hallway in Buddy's house, where the father gives his sons a serious talk about safety and the importance of communication, urging them to avoid risky situations while he is away. He expresses pride in them, and the boys affirm their father's instructions as they prepare for bed.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Family dynamics
  • Character development
Weaknesses
  • Limited external conflict exploration

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.2

The scene effectively conveys the tension and seriousness of the situation while showcasing the father's pride and concern for his sons, creating a strong emotional impact.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of family unity and protection in the face of external conflict is effectively portrayed, adding depth to the characters and the overall narrative.

Plot: 8

The plot progression in the scene focuses on the father's instructions to his sons, adding layers to the family dynamics and setting the stage for future developments.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh approach to the theme of parental responsibility and protection, with a unique setting in a cinema and a classic film reference. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and relatable.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters are well-developed, with the father displaying a mix of protectiveness and pride, while the sons show obedience and respect, enhancing the family dynamic.

Character Changes: 7

The scene doesn't involve significant character changes but reinforces the existing dynamics within the family, setting the stage for potential growth in the future.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to ensure his sons' safety and well-being while he is away. This reflects his deeper need for security and protection for his family.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to instruct his sons on how to handle any requests or messages in his absence. This reflects the immediate challenge of ensuring their safety and security.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

While the external conflict is present in the background, the focus of the scene is more on the internal family dynamics and the protective instincts of the father.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, as the protagonist's instructions to his sons highlight the potential dangers they may face and the need for caution. The audience is left wondering how the sons will handle these challenges.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are moderate in the scene, focusing more on the family's internal dynamics than the external conflict, but still highlighting the importance of unity and protection.

Story Forward: 8

While the scene doesn't propel the main plot forward significantly, it adds depth to the characters and their relationships, enriching the overall narrative.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the potential dangers the sons may face in the protagonist's absence. The audience is unsure of how the situation will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

There is a philosophical conflict between the protagonist's desire to protect his sons and the potential dangers they may face in his absence. This challenges his beliefs about parenting and responsibility.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from tension and anxiety to relief and pride, creating a strong emotional impact on the audience.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue effectively conveys the father's instructions and the sons' responses, adding depth to their relationship and highlighting the importance of family communication.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its relatable family dynamics, emotional depth, and the tension of the protagonist's departure. The dialogue and interactions draw the audience into the characters' lives.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a smooth transition between the cinema setting and the protagonist's house. The rhythm of the dialogue and actions maintains the audience's interest.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and follows the expected format for its genre, with proper scene headings and character actions. It enhances the readability and flow of the screenplay.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with a setup in the cinema, a transition to the protagonist's house, and a resolution with his instructions to his sons. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the effectiveness of the scene.


Critique
  • The scene effectively contrasts the escapism of the cinema with the harsh realities of life in Belfast, which is a strong thematic choice. The use of the film 'One Million Years B.C.' serves as a metaphor for the primal struggles of the characters in their own lives, but this connection could be made clearer through more explicit dialogue or visual cues.
  • The dialogue between Ma and Pa is humorous and relatable, showcasing their dynamic as parents. However, the line 'Rachel Welch is a hell of an education' could be interpreted as slightly out of place in the context of the serious undertones of the surrounding scenes. It might benefit from a more nuanced approach that ties back to the themes of identity and conflict present in the rest of the screenplay.
  • The transition from the cinema to the hallway is abrupt. While it serves to juxtapose the light-heartedness of the film with the serious conversation between Pa and the boys, a smoother transition could enhance the flow of the narrative. Consider adding a brief moment of reflection or a visual cue that connects the two settings more cohesively.
  • Pa's instructions to the boys are crucial for establishing the stakes and the dangers they face. However, the dialogue could be more impactful if it included a specific example of what they should avoid, which would ground the advice in the reality of their situation and heighten the tension.
  • The emotional tone shifts from playful to serious, which is effective, but the scene could benefit from a stronger emotional anchor. Perhaps including a moment where the boys express their feelings about their father's absence or the dangers outside would deepen the audience's connection to the characters.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a line or two that explicitly connects the film's themes to the characters' lives, perhaps through a comment from one of the boys that reflects their understanding of the film in relation to their own experiences.
  • Revise the dialogue to ensure that humor does not undermine the seriousness of the context. A more subtle joke or a line that ties back to the themes of identity and conflict could enhance the scene's depth.
  • Introduce a visual or auditory cue that bridges the transition from the cinema to the hallway, such as the sound of the film fading out or a lingering shot of the boys' captivated faces before cutting to the more serious setting.
  • Incorporate a specific example of a situation the boys should avoid when Pa gives his instructions, which would make the stakes feel more immediate and relatable.
  • Add a moment of vulnerability where the boys express their concerns or fears about their father's absence or the dangers they face, which would create a stronger emotional connection and highlight the gravity of their situation.



Scene 17 -  Fork in the Road
48 INT. BATHROOM NIGHT 48

The wee small hours. BUDDY sits on the loo, struggling. His exercise book in his hands.
He’s looking at his drawing of the two roads.

BUDDY
What road do I take?

MINISTER (V.O.)
A fork in the road.
In one direction, a straight and narrow highway...
WHICH ROAD WILL YOU TAKE?

BUDDY flushes the toilet.


49 INT. BUDDY’S HOUSE / LIVING ROOM / STAIRWAY NIGHT 49

BUDDY moves slowly down the stairs.

We see MA and PA. BUDDY listens.

MA
You’re runnin’ round here like the man in the big
picture, not paying your taxes and spending all our
money on horses.

PA
It’s the building trade. I told you it doesn’t work the
normal way, I told you I had to cover it.

MA
I was the one who had it covered.

PA
No, you’re the one that has me paying three years of
back tax.

MA
To keep you outta bloody jail!
We’re drowning in debt.

PA
We’re near done with the back tax. Ten pound a
month for three bloody years. This is the time to
think about making a new start.

MA
I know nothin else but Belfast.


PA
Exactly. There’s a whole world out there. We can
give these boys a better chance than we ever had.
There’s commonwealth countries needing
tradesmen. The government will give you assisted
passage. We can get the whole family the other side
of the world for ten pound.
We’re living in a civil war, I’m not here to protect my
family.

He pulls out two glossy, colourful brochures for Australia, and Canada, sets them on the
table.

MA
What are those supposed to be?

PA
An escape route.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary In a tense scene, Buddy contemplates a drawing symbolizing a choice he must make while sitting on the toilet. A voiceover from a minister about a fork in the road prompts his introspection. The scene shifts to the living room where Buddy's parents, Ma and Pa, argue about their financial struggles and the possibility of moving to a commonwealth country for a fresh start. Pa presents brochures for Australia and Canada, representing hope, while Ma expresses her reluctance to leave Belfast, highlighting their conflicting views on the future. The scene captures the family's emotional turmoil and unresolved conflict as they grapple with their choices.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Compelling dialogue
  • Exploration of family dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Limited action
  • Heavy reliance on dialogue

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively delves into the emotional and financial turmoil within the family, setting the stage for significant changes. The dialogue is impactful and reveals the characters' inner conflicts and desires.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of seeking a fresh start in a new country amidst the backdrop of civil unrest adds depth to the narrative. The idea of escape and hope for a better future is compelling.

Plot: 8.5

The plot advances significantly as the family faces a crucial decision that could change their lives. The introduction of the brochures for Australia and Canada adds a layer of complexity to the story.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh approach to the common theme of family conflict and the desire for a better life, with the added element of emigration to Commonwealth countries. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters, particularly Ma and Pa, are well-developed and their conflicting viewpoints create a compelling dynamic. The scene showcases their vulnerabilities and aspirations.

Character Changes: 8

The scene marks a significant turning point for the family, especially for Pa, who proposes a drastic change in their lives. The characters are faced with decisions that could alter their future.

Internal Goal: 8

Buddy's internal goal is to make a decision about his future and which path to take, symbolized by the drawing of the two roads. This reflects his deeper need for direction and purpose in life.

External Goal: 7

Buddy's external goal is to navigate the family conflict and financial struggles, as well as consider the opportunity for a new start in another country. This reflects the immediate challenges he is facing in his current environment.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7.5

The conflict between Ma and Pa regarding their financial situation and the decision to move abroad creates tension and uncertainty. The internal conflict within the family adds depth to the scene.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting viewpoints between the family members and the difficult decision that Buddy must make. The audience is kept on edge as they wait to see how the conflict will be resolved.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high as the family grapples with financial hardship and the prospect of uprooting their lives for a chance at a better future. The decision carries significant consequences.

Story Forward: 9

The scene propels the story forward by introducing a major decision that will impact the family's trajectory. The idea of relocation sets the stage for new conflicts and resolutions.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected proposal of emigrating to another country and the conflicting viewpoints of the family members. The audience is left unsure of which path Buddy will choose.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between staying rooted in familiar surroundings and traditions versus seeking a new life and opportunities in a foreign land. This challenges Buddy's beliefs about loyalty to his family and his sense of adventure and ambition.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from anxiety and despair to hope and determination. The family's struggle is palpable, resonating with the audience.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is poignant and reveals the characters' inner struggles and hopes. The conversations between Ma and Pa are central to the scene's emotional impact.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the high emotional stakes, the relatable family dynamics, and the decision-making process that Buddy is going through. The conflict and dialogue keep the audience invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, leading to a climactic moment where Buddy must make a decision about his future. The rhythm of the dialogue adds to the emotional impact of the scene.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with clear scene headings and dialogue formatting. The visual elements are effectively used to enhance the storytelling.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a dramatic family conflict, with clear character motivations and escalating tension. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the effectiveness of the scene.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the tension between Buddy's parents, highlighting their financial struggles and differing perspectives on their future. The dialogue is sharp and reveals character motivations well, particularly Ma's attachment to Belfast and Pa's desire for a fresh start.
  • The use of Buddy's drawing of the two roads as a metaphor for choice is a strong visual element that ties into the theme of decision-making. However, the transition from the bathroom to the living room could be smoother to maintain the emotional weight of Buddy's contemplation.
  • The dialogue is realistic and reflects the stress of the situation, but it could benefit from more subtext. For instance, while Ma expresses frustration about the finances, there could be hints of deeper fears about leaving their home or the impact on the children, which would add layers to her character.
  • The pacing of the scene feels slightly rushed, especially in the transition from Buddy's introspection to the argument between Ma and Pa. Allowing for a moment of silence or a visual pause could enhance the emotional impact before diving into the conflict.
  • The scene ends on a strong note with Pa presenting the brochures, but it could be more impactful if there was a moment of silence or a reaction shot from Buddy, emphasizing the weight of the decision that lies ahead.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment of silence or a visual cue after Buddy flushes the toilet to emphasize his internal struggle before transitioning to the argument between Ma and Pa.
  • Incorporate more subtext in the dialogue to reveal deeper fears or motivations, particularly for Ma, to create a more nuanced conflict.
  • Enhance the emotional weight of the scene by including a reaction shot of Buddy as he hears his parents argue, which could visually represent his internal conflict about their future.
  • Explore the use of sound design or music to underscore the tension in the argument, creating a more immersive experience for the audience.
  • Consider breaking up the dialogue with moments of silence or physical actions to allow the audience to absorb the emotional stakes of the conversation.



Scene 18 -  Morning Routine Amidst Chaos
50 EXT. CLOUDS BREAKING UP OVER THE CITY DAWN 50


51 EXT. BUDDY’S STREET MORNING 51

Soldiers patrol the barricade, kids make their way to school.

KIDS (O.S.)
Come on get a move on. We’re gonna be late again!


52 INT. BUDDY’S HOUSE/LIVING ROOM DAY 52

As the BOYS get ready for breakfast, MA picks up the post. The radio reporter in the
background is relaying reports of more violence overnight in the city.

RADIO REPORTER (V.O.)
...throughout the night sniping became the tactic of the
rioters. As we drove past the side street three men on
the corner dived for cover. A young man with a revolver
asked us for a lift. At four this morning all you see turned
us back from the Falls area. Snipers they said were still
at work and in the distance one heard the ominous
burst of machine gun fire. . The scene terrified me but it
reminded an American colleague of Harlem, but he
added it seems easier to get guns here..

MA takes one letter and opens it carefully. She takes out the paper, scans it, nods. A receipt
for the back tax payment.


MA
(to herself)
One more left.

She opens the top of the stool and pulls out a sheaf of similar letters, which are held
together with a bulldog clip.

RADIO REPORTER (V.O.)
...Dawn over Belfast today showed a grim scene.
Buildings scarred by fire, thousands of pounds worth of
damage caused and of course the tragic loss of life. Its
been a night of shame for Belfast, one that will live on in
the memories of the people for a very long time...

She places this latest one at the rear, and puts them back in the stool.

MA
(to BUDDY and WILL)
Come on you two, school.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary In a tense morning scene, soldiers patrol outside as children head to school in a city plagued by violence. Inside Buddy's house, Ma sorts through mail, revealing her financial struggles with a receipt for back taxes. Despite the ongoing unrest, she calls her sons, Buddy and Will, to hurry for school, highlighting the stark contrast between their daily routine and the surrounding danger.
Strengths
  • Authentic character interactions
  • Tense atmosphere
  • Emotional depth
Weaknesses
  • Limited character development
  • Moderate conflict level

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively sets the tone of tension and anxiety, portraying the serious consequences of the ongoing violence in the community. The focus on the family's daily activities amidst the chaos adds depth and relatability to the narrative.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of portraying a family's daily life amidst a backdrop of violence and military presence is compelling and adds depth to the narrative. The scene effectively explores the themes of resilience and family bonds.

Plot: 8

The plot progression in the scene focuses on the family's reactions to the ongoing violence and their efforts to maintain a sense of normalcy. The tension and uncertainty surrounding the situation are effectively conveyed.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh perspective on the impact of violence on a family, focusing on the daily struggles and resilience of the characters. The dialogue feels authentic and captures the tension of the setting.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters' reactions and interactions in the scene feel authentic and relatable, particularly Ma's anxiety and relief at the reunion with Pa. The family dynamics are well-developed and add depth to the narrative.

Character Changes: 7

While there are subtle shifts in the characters' emotions and dynamics, the scene primarily focuses on their reactions to the external events rather than significant internal changes.

Internal Goal: 8

MA's internal goal is to maintain a sense of normalcy and stability for her family despite the surrounding chaos. She wants to protect her children and ensure they have a safe and secure environment.

External Goal: 7

MA's external goal is to pay off the back taxes and maintain financial stability for her family. This reflects the immediate challenge of keeping their home and providing for her children.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The level of conflict in the scene is moderate, primarily stemming from the external violence and military presence. The characters' internal conflicts and anxieties add depth to the narrative.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create conflict and challenge the characters, but not overwhelming to the point of resolution. It keeps the audience engaged and uncertain about the characters' fates.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in the scene due to the ongoing violence and military presence, which threaten the safety and stability of the characters. The family's efforts to navigate through the chaos add to the sense of urgency.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by highlighting the impact of the ongoing violence on the characters' lives and relationships. It sets the stage for further developments and explores the family's resilience in the face of adversity.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because it introduces unexpected elements such as the back tax payment and the radio reports of violence, adding layers of complexity and tension to the narrative.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is the juxtaposition of violence and normalcy, highlighting the struggle between survival and maintaining a sense of humanity in a war-torn environment.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene evokes a strong emotional response, particularly in Ma's relief at the reunion with Pa and the family's struggles to maintain a sense of normalcy amidst chaos. The tension and anxiety are palpable throughout.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the characters' emotions and concerns, particularly Ma's internal struggles and the family's discussions about the ongoing violence. The conversations feel natural and contribute to the overall atmosphere.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it immerses the audience in a tense and emotional situation, with relatable characters facing difficult circumstances. The dialogue and actions create a sense of urgency and empathy.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, with a balance of slower moments for character development and faster-paced sections for action and conflict. The rhythm enhances the emotional impact of the scene.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings, descriptions, and dialogue. The formatting enhances the readability and impact of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with a setup of the environment, introduction of characters, and development of conflict. It effectively conveys the tension and stakes of the situation.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes a stark contrast between the innocence of children heading to school and the grim reality of violence in Belfast, which is conveyed through the radio report. This juxtaposition enhances the emotional weight of the scene, highlighting the impact of the conflict on everyday life.
  • MA's actions of sorting through the mail and dealing with the tax receipts serve as a metaphor for her struggles and responsibilities, grounding the scene in a relatable domestic context. However, the scene could benefit from more visual storytelling to show her emotional state beyond just her dialogue.
  • The radio report is a powerful narrative device that provides exposition about the ongoing violence, but it risks overwhelming the viewer with information. The dialogue could be streamlined to focus on the most impactful details, allowing for a more concise and powerful delivery.
  • MA's line 'One more left' is a poignant moment that hints at her financial struggles, but it could be enhanced by showing her physical reaction or internal conflict more vividly. This would deepen the audience's connection to her character and the stakes involved.
  • The transition from the previous scene to this one is somewhat abrupt. While the thematic connection is clear, a smoother transition could help maintain the narrative flow. Perhaps a brief moment of reflection from PA before the scene shifts could provide a more cohesive narrative thread.
Suggestions
  • Consider incorporating more visual elements that reflect MA's emotional state, such as her facial expressions or body language as she sorts through the letters. This would add depth to her character and make her struggles more palpable.
  • Streamline the radio report to focus on the most critical aspects of the violence, perhaps by selecting a few key phrases that encapsulate the chaos without overwhelming the audience with details.
  • Enhance MA's moment of realization about the tax payment by showing her physical reaction, such as a sigh of relief or a moment of despair, to convey the emotional weight of her situation more effectively.
  • Introduce a brief moment of reflection or dialogue from PA before transitioning to this scene to create a smoother narrative flow and maintain the emotional continuity between scenes.
  • Consider adding a brief interaction between MA and the boys as they prepare for school, which could provide a moment of levity or warmth amidst the tension, further contrasting the violence outside with their daily lives.



Scene 19 -  Classroom Connections
53 EXT. GROVE PARK DAY 53

BUDDY runs through some high grass.


54 EXT. SCHOOL GATES DAY 54

He reaches the school gates.

The school bells ring.


55 INT. SCHOOL CLASSROOM DAY 55

The whole class are stood up, reciting in unison. BUDDY’s eyes are mainly fixed on a
blonde headed GIRL in the next row. She casts glances back at BUDDY.

CHILDREN IN UNISON
...Twelve elevens are a hundred an thirty two, twelve
twelves are a hundred an forty four!

MISS LEWIS
Well, I’m pleased to say your times tables were a lot
more impressive to hear than your test scores were
to read.
The whole point of these weekly tests is to monitor
your progress.
(MORE)
MISS LEWIS (CONT'D)
The best will sit directly by my desk, the seat of
learning, and the rest of you will view your Sysiphian
struggles from the distance you have imposed upon
yourself by lack of application.
Billy Clanton Jnr. 17 per cent, bottom row, seat 12.

BILLY CLANTON JNR., starts to move his things.

MISS LEWIS (CONT'D)
Rachel seat 11. Martin to seat 10...

Close on BUDDY, at his former desk, children moving all around him. Poker faces between
him, THE GIRL, and RONNIE BOYD.

MISS LEWIS (CONT'D)
...Freddie seat 8. Karen to seat 4...
...and in the medal positions this week with 72 per
cent, in bronze is...BUDDY...seat 3. And of course in
silver again we have Ronnie and Catherine with the
gold yet again this week. Congratulations Catherine,
very well done.

CATHERINE and RONNIE BOYD still occupy the desk in front of the teacher. There is a
shy look around from CATHERINE to BUDDY. RONNIE BOYD looks too, and registers
the connection. From RONNIE BOYD a smirk. CATHERINE looks over to BUDDY’s
smiling face.
Genres: ["Drama","Coming-of-age"]

Summary Buddy rushes into class just as the bell rings, where students recite times tables. He catches the eye of Catherine, who smiles at him after he scores 72 percent on a test, placing him third in the class. Miss Lewis announces seating arrangements based on scores, creating a competitive atmosphere. Ronnie smirks at the budding connection between Buddy and Catherine, while Billy is called out for his low score. The scene captures the mix of youthful innocence and competitive tension, ending with a hopeful glance between Buddy and Catherine.
Strengths
  • Effective portrayal of competitive atmosphere
  • Character dynamics and relationships
  • Recognition of academic achievements
Weaknesses
  • Limited exploration of external conflicts
  • Lack of major plot development

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively captures the tension and competitiveness within the classroom setting while also showcasing the positive recognition of academic achievements.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of academic recognition and competition in a classroom setting is well-developed and adds depth to the characters and plot.

Plot: 8

The plot progression in the scene revolves around academic recognition and character dynamics, contributing to the overall narrative.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a familiar setting of a school classroom but adds depth through the characters' interactions and the exploration of academic competition. The authenticity of the dialogue and character motivations adds to the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters are well-defined through their interactions in the classroom, showcasing their competitive nature and relationships.

Character Changes: 8

There is a subtle character change in the scene as relationships and dynamics between characters are revealed and developed.

Internal Goal: 8

Buddy's internal goal in this scene is to prove himself academically and gain recognition for his efforts. This reflects his desire for validation and acceptance from his peers and teachers.

External Goal: 7

Buddy's external goal is to improve his academic performance and move up in the seating arrangement. This reflects the immediate challenge he faces in the classroom environment.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7.5

The conflict in the scene is subtle but present in the competitive dynamics between characters, adding tension to the narrative.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with characters facing challenges in academic performance and social dynamics.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are moderate in the scene, focusing on academic recognition and character dynamics within the classroom setting.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by showcasing the characters' academic progress and relationships, contributing to the overall narrative.

Unpredictability: 6

This scene is somewhat predictable in its outcome, as the academic hierarchy is established early on. However, the interactions between characters add an element of unpredictability.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between the value of hard work and dedication versus natural talent. Miss Lewis emphasizes the importance of effort and application in academic success, contrasting with the students' varying levels of motivation and ability.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7.5

The scene has a moderate emotional impact due to the recognition of academic achievements and the character interactions.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the competitive tone and character relationships, adding depth to the interactions.

Engagement: 8

This scene is engaging because of the tension between characters, the competitive atmosphere, and the subtle gestures that hint at underlying emotions.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and highlighting key moments of conflict and resolution.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene follows standard formatting for a screenplay, with clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 9

The scene follows a clear structure of setting, character interactions, and conflict resolution, typical for a classroom scene in a screenplay.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the innocence of childhood amidst the backdrop of a tumultuous environment. The contrast between the school setting and the chaos outside is palpable, which adds depth to Buddy's character as he navigates his academic life while being aware of the surrounding tensions.
  • The dialogue from Miss Lewis is both humorous and critical, which serves to establish her character as a strict yet engaging teacher. However, the use of the term 'Sysiphian struggles' may be too advanced for the age group being portrayed, potentially alienating younger viewers or readers who may not understand the reference.
  • The dynamic between Buddy, Catherine, and Ronnie Boyd is well-established, showcasing the budding feelings of young love and jealousy. The subtle glances exchanged between Buddy and Catherine add a layer of emotional complexity, but the scene could benefit from more internal monologue or visual cues to further illustrate Buddy's feelings.
  • The pacing of the scene is generally good, but it could be enhanced by varying the rhythm of the dialogue delivery. For instance, Miss Lewis's announcements could be interspersed with Buddy's internal thoughts or reactions, allowing the audience to connect more deeply with his character.
  • The transition from the outdoor setting to the classroom is smooth, but the scene could benefit from a brief moment of reflection from Buddy as he enters the school, perhaps recalling the chaos he left behind. This would serve to ground the audience in his emotional state and enhance the thematic contrast.
Suggestions
  • Consider simplifying Miss Lewis's dialogue to make it more accessible for the target audience, while still maintaining her authoritative tone.
  • Incorporate Buddy's internal thoughts or feelings during the classroom scene to provide insight into his character and enhance emotional engagement.
  • Add a brief moment of reflection for Buddy as he enters the school, allowing the audience to see how he processes the chaos outside compared to the structured environment of the classroom.
  • Vary the pacing of the dialogue delivery, especially during Miss Lewis's announcements, to create a more dynamic rhythm that reflects the tension and excitement of the classroom setting.
  • Include more visual cues or actions from Buddy that reflect his feelings for Catherine, such as fidgeting or glancing at her more frequently, to deepen the romantic tension.



Scene 20 -  Buddy's Backyard Confessions
56 EXT / INT. GRANNY'S HOUSE DAY 56

BUDDY is out in the backyard where his POP is, (as always), tinkering, in his ad hoc
workshop, with a saddle BUDDY is sitting on the closed loo seat with an orange in his
hands.

POP
The wee girl’s still showin’ some interest, yeh?

BUDDY
She looks at me sometimes, but we’re not allowed to
talk in the class, so I can’t say anything, an then, when
we go out to the playground she always goes about
with all the girls. Anyway, I think she loves that other
fella.

POP
Yer don’t know that that for sure. Weemen are very
mysterious.


GRANNY
(from the front room)
And weemen can smash your face in too mister!

GRANNY is in the house, sitting by the window where she can see BUDDY and POP.

POP
Your Granny’s become less mysterious over the
years. D’ya really like her?

BUDDY
When I grow up I want to marry her.

POP
Yup. Sounds as though you really like her.
You know, she’s not only at school. You could see
where she lives maybe?

BUDDY
It’s Reynolds Drive, four houses in from the right, the
one with the wonky eight.

POP
You’ve done your research.

BUDDY
I pass it everyday on the way home. I try to look in
but she never sees me. She’s always doin her bloody
homework. If she was a wee bit more stupid, like me,
we’d be sitting together by now.

POP
Ah. “A pity beyond all telling is hid in the heart of
love”.

GRANNY
(from the front room)
Oh he’s full of pretty answers that one. C’mon it’s
time to go. I don’t want yer mammy shoutin’ at me
because yer late.

POP
Cheerio son.

BUDDY
Cheerio.

BUDDY runs inside. He is about to go out the front door, but GRANNY stops him. She has
a threepenny piece in her hand.


GRANNY
Here, take this threepenny bit. Get yerself a wee
sweetie.

BUDDY
I’m not allowed Granny, my Da says you can’t afford
it.

GRANNY
I’m always saying to yer man there, “What’s yours is
mine, and what’s mines me own”.

BUDDY takes it.

BUDDY
Thanks Granny.

POP
(from the back yard)
Try and find out how that wee girl thinks!

GRANNY
Good luck with that one, son.


57 EXT. PARK RAILINGS DAY 57

BUDDY squeezes himself thought the railings on his way back to school.

MUSIC - “Brightside of the Road” by Van Morrison


58 EXT. CATHERINE’S STREET AFTERNOON 58

BUDDY, on the opposite side of the street. He is right next to the TV shop, which
continues to blare out images of disruption from the city. BUDDY loiters as he gazes at
Catherine’s house, hoping for some movement at the window.

We see through the window, the girl’s Mother brushing Catherine’s hair. CATHERINE
looks out the window and sees BUDDY.


59 EXT. BUDDY'S STREET END OF DAY 59

Men are being searched by the police and soldiers patrol the street.

BUDDY plays football with some kids.


BUDDY
Goal!
Genres: ["Drama","Romance"]

Summary In this light-hearted scene, Buddy confides in his Pop about his crush on Catherine, expressing his desire to marry her one day. Pop encourages him to pursue her, while Granny humorously interjects about the mysteries of women. Despite Pop's warnings about money, Granny gives Buddy a threepenny piece for sweets. The scene captures Buddy's innocent frustrations and familial warmth as he prepares to leave for school.
Strengths
  • Authentic character interactions
  • Nostalgic tone
  • Emotional resonance
Weaknesses
  • Low conflict level
  • Limited plot progression

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys the nostalgic and playful tone while exploring themes of young love and family relationships. The dialogue is engaging, and the character interactions are well-developed, creating a memorable and emotionally resonant moment.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring a childhood crush and family dynamics in a nostalgic setting is well-executed. The scene effectively conveys the complexities of young love and the influence of family members on personal relationships.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene revolves around Buddy's feelings for Catherine and the supportive presence of his family members. It moves the story forward by introducing romantic tension and deepening the understanding of Buddy's character.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh take on the classic theme of young love, infusing it with humor, relatability, and a sense of nostalgia. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and true to life.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters in the scene, especially Buddy, Catherine, Pop, and Granny, are well-developed and engaging. Their interactions feel authentic, and their personalities shine through, adding depth to the narrative.

Character Changes: 7

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, it does provide insights into Buddy's feelings for Catherine and his relationship with his family members, setting the stage for potential growth and development in future scenes.

Internal Goal: 8

Buddy's internal goal is to connect with the girl he likes and navigate his feelings of inadequacy and self-doubt.

External Goal: 7

Buddy's external goal is to find a way to interact with the girl he likes and gather information about her.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 4

The conflict in the scene is minimal, focusing more on the budding romance between Buddy and Catherine and the supportive interactions within the family. The tension is subtle, adding to the charm of the scene.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene comes from Buddy's own insecurities, societal norms, and the challenges of young love. It adds depth and conflict to the narrative, keeping the audience intrigued.

High Stakes: 3

The stakes in the scene are relatively low, focusing more on personal relationships and budding romance rather than high-stakes conflicts or dramatic events. The emphasis is on emotional connections and character dynamics.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing the romantic subplot between Buddy and Catherine and deepening the understanding of family dynamics. It sets the stage for future developments and adds depth to the overall narrative.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected interactions and revelations between the characters. The audience is kept on their toes, unsure of how Buddy's story will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict revolves around the themes of love, self-worth, and societal expectations. Buddy's desire to connect with the girl clashes with his insecurities and the norms of his environment.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking feelings of nostalgia, longing, and affection. The interactions between characters and the themes of young love and family bonds resonate with the audience, creating a heartfelt moment.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue in the scene is natural and engaging, capturing the innocence of childhood conversations and the wisdom of older family members. It effectively conveys emotions and relationships, enhancing the overall impact of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its relatable characters, witty dialogue, and emotional depth. The audience is drawn into Buddy's world and invested in his journey.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a good balance of dialogue, action, and emotional beats. It keeps the audience engaged and invested in Buddy's story.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene is well-formatted, with clear scene headings, dialogue, and action descriptions. It follows the expected format for a screenplay in its genre.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a natural flow of conversation and action, effectively building tension and emotional depth. It adheres to the expected structure for a character-driven drama.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the innocence of childhood and the complexities of young love through Buddy's interactions with Pop and Granny. The dialogue is light-hearted and humorous, which contrasts nicely with the underlying tension of the world outside, reflecting the duality of Buddy's life.
  • Buddy's character is well-developed in this scene, showcasing his feelings for Catherine and his insecurities about their relationship. However, the dialogue could benefit from more emotional depth to convey the weight of his feelings, especially regarding his belief that Catherine loves someone else.
  • Granny's interjections add a comedic element, but they could be more integrated into the flow of the conversation. Her lines feel somewhat disconnected from the main dialogue between Buddy and Pop, which can disrupt the pacing.
  • The scene transitions smoothly from the backyard to the front room, but the visual elements could be enhanced. Describing the setting in more detail, such as the sights and sounds of the backyard or the warmth of Granny's presence, would create a more immersive experience for the audience.
  • The use of the threepenny piece as a symbol of Granny's love and support is a nice touch, but it could be emphasized further. Perhaps a brief moment where Buddy contemplates the significance of the coin before accepting it would add depth to the interaction.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment where Buddy reflects on his feelings for Catherine, perhaps through a brief internal monologue or a more expressive dialogue with Pop, to deepen the emotional stakes.
  • Integrate Granny's humor more seamlessly into the conversation. For example, have her respond to Buddy's comments about Catherine in a way that ties back to the main discussion, rather than as a standalone remark.
  • Enhance the visual descriptions of the setting to create a more vivid atmosphere. Describe the sounds of the backyard, the warmth of the sun, or the smell of the flowers to draw the audience into the scene.
  • Explore the significance of the threepenny piece further. Perhaps have Buddy hesitate before taking it, reflecting on his family's financial struggles, which would add a layer of complexity to the moment.
  • Consider ending the scene with a more poignant moment, such as Buddy looking back at the house as he leaves, contemplating his feelings for Catherine and the uncertainty of their future, to create a stronger emotional resonance.



Scene 21 -  Tensions Rise at Dawn
60 INT. BUDDY’S BEDROOM NIGHT 60

3am, BUDDY is wide awake sitting by the window.

BUDDY
(whispers)
Will...Will...what road do we take? I can’t remember.
What road did the minister say?

His brother, who shares the bed, rolls over, mostly asleep,

WILL
Ach, shut up.

WILL rolls back, and pulls the blanket over him. BUDDY pulls out an exercise book, and
completes his two roads drawing. This is the most worrying moment of his life.


61 EXT. CITYSCAPE EARLY MORNING 61


62 EXT. BUDDY'S HOUSE EARLY MORNING 62

Early Morning life on the street, milkman doing his deliveries

FRANKIE WEST still at the barricade.

RADIO REPORTER (V.O.)
...and in this already tense atmosphere, concerns remain
about intimidation run rife in working class areas.
Further reports suggest...

BUDDY glimpsed through the glass of his front door.

BILLY CLANTON (O.S.)
Stop dragging your ass along there, come on.

BILLY CLANTON JNR (O.S.)
You’re hurting my arm.

BILLY CLANTON (O.S.)
Stop being a cry baby now...you show me where he
lives, come on


BILLY CLANTON JNR (O.S.)
Daddy I’m sorry, please!

BUDDY slowly opens the front door. BILLY CLANTON storms past, holding/dragging the
hand of his son, BILLY CLANTON JNR., up the street. Talking as they stride.

BILLY CLANTON
Hey, tell me EXACTLY what he said.

BILLY CLANTON JNR
He just said he couldn’t giv’ any more money to the
street.

BILLY CLANTON
He’ll not say that d’ my son.

BILLY CLANTON JNR
Daddy stop.

BILLY CLANTON
STEWIE.

BILLY CLANTON JNR
Please!

BILLY CLANTON
STEWIE.

BILLY CLANTON JNR
Please!

MR WEST (O.S.)
Your blood’s up there Billy, will you go back to your
house.

MA comes to the door looks up the street in the direction of the fracas. BUDDY sees
them reach a house at the top of the street. A door is knocked, then opened, MR.
STEWART steps out, there is a brief bit of tense stand-off body language.

MR STEWART
Now, Billy, we’ve no call for fists here.

BILLY CLANTON
Aye? Well what does the man says? A fist is only as
good or bad as the man using it. Remember that.

BILLY CLANTON then plants a superhero punch directly to the face of the other man,
who immediately collapses. BUDDY sees it in graphic profile. It’s like a cartoon.


MR WEST
Holy God. Billy.

The angry BILLY CLANTON is striding back down the street, still dragging his son, who is
crying. Others are up at the door of the other house. Other doors are starting to open.

BILLY CLANTON
SHUT UP FRANKIE

NEIGHBOUR 1(O.S.)
Come on Billy, that’s too much now.

NEIGHBOUR 2(O.S.)
We’ve got enough problems Billy, we don’t need this!

BILLY CLANTON looks to the folk at 96.

BILLY CLANTON
Regards to your Pa.

MA pulls BUDDY away, back into the house and shuts the front door.

BILLY CLANTON (O.S.) (CONT'D)
Tell him I expect to hear from him soon, or he’ll be
hearin’ from me.
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In the early morning hours, Buddy is restless and anxious about a forgotten road, whispering to his annoyed brother Will. Outside, a tense atmosphere unfolds as Billy Clanton confronts Mr. Stewart over a money issue, leading to a violent altercation. As chaos erupts, Buddy's mother, MA, pulls him back inside for safety, leaving the conflict unresolved.
Strengths
  • Intense atmosphere
  • Graphic portrayal of conflict
  • Emotional impact
Weaknesses
  • Potential for excessive violence
  • Lack of resolution in the scene

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively builds tension and conveys the high stakes involved in the confrontation. The emotional impact is palpable, and the graphic portrayal adds to the intensity of the scene.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of escalating conflict and the portrayal of violence in a tense atmosphere are effectively conveyed in the scene.

Plot: 8

The plot progresses significantly with the confrontation, adding depth to the ongoing conflict in the neighborhood.

Originality: 8

The scene presents a fresh approach to depicting violence and intimidation in a community setting, with authentic dialogue and actions that feel true to the characters' motivations.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters' reactions and interactions during the confrontation are well-developed and add to the intensity of the scene.

Character Changes: 7

The characters' reactions and behaviors change in response to the escalating conflict, but the focus is more on the external events.

Internal Goal: 8

Buddy's internal goal in this scene is to make sense of the situation unfolding outside his house and to understand the implications of the violence he witnesses. This reflects his deeper need for safety and security in a volatile environment.

External Goal: 7

Buddy's external goal is to protect himself and his family from the escalating violence and intimidation in the neighborhood. He wants to navigate the dangerous situation without getting involved.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The level of conflict in the scene is high, with the confrontation escalating to a violent encounter.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting values and power dynamics creating a sense of uncertainty and danger for the characters involved.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in the scene, with the potential for serious repercussions and further violence.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by intensifying the conflict and setting the stage for further developments.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the sudden escalation of violence and the unexpected actions of the characters, creating a sense of unease and suspense.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the use of violence as a means of asserting power and control. Billy Clanton's actions challenge the values of non-violence and peaceful resolution.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene has a significant emotional impact due to the fear, tension, and violence portrayed.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue effectively conveys the escalating tension and conflict between the characters involved.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense conflict, emotional stakes, and unpredictable developments that keep the audience on edge.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, leading to a climactic moment that leaves a lasting impact on the audience.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is well-executed, with clear transitions between locations and characters, enhancing the flow of the narrative.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure that builds tension and conflict effectively, leading to a dramatic climax with Billy Clanton's violent outburst.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the tension and fear that permeates Buddy's life, especially with the backdrop of violence and intimidation in the community. However, the transition from Buddy's introspective moment to the external conflict could be smoother. The abrupt shift from his internal struggle to the external chaos feels jarring and could benefit from a more gradual build-up.
  • Buddy's character is well-established as anxious and contemplative, but the dialogue could be enhanced to reflect his emotional state more vividly. For instance, instead of just whispering about the road, he could express his fears or confusion more explicitly, which would deepen the audience's connection to his character.
  • The use of sound, particularly the radio report, is effective in setting the tone, but it could be integrated more seamlessly with the visuals. For example, as Buddy observes the confrontation outside, the radio report could crescendo to emphasize the rising tension, creating a more immersive experience.
  • The dialogue between Billy Clanton and his son is impactful, showcasing the abusive dynamics and the normalization of violence in their environment. However, the scene could benefit from more varied reactions from the neighbors. Their responses feel somewhat passive; adding more vocal dissent or fear could heighten the stakes and illustrate the community's collective anxiety.
  • The visual imagery of Buddy witnessing the violence is strong, but it could be enhanced by incorporating more of Buddy's internal thoughts or feelings during this moment. For instance, showing his physical reactions (like trembling hands or wide eyes) could convey his fear more effectively.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment where Buddy reflects on the minister's words before the confrontation begins, perhaps through a voiceover that connects his internal conflict with the external chaos.
  • Enhance Buddy's dialogue to include more emotional depth, allowing him to articulate his fears or confusion about the situation outside, which would make his character more relatable.
  • Integrate the radio report more dynamically with the visuals, perhaps by having it echo or overlap with the sounds of the confrontation, creating a more cohesive atmosphere of tension.
  • Introduce more vocal reactions from the neighbors to the violence, showcasing a range of emotions from fear to anger, which would enrich the community's portrayal and heighten the scene's stakes.
  • Incorporate Buddy's physical reactions to the violence outside, such as trembling or a change in his breathing, to visually represent his fear and anxiety, making the scene more impactful.



Scene 22 -  Morning Tensions
63 EXT. BUDDY'S STREET DAY 63

Life back to normal.


64 INT. BUDDY'S HOUSE DAY 64

Early morning and another tax envelope arrives. BUDDY, WILL and MA are having
breakfast.

BUDDY
What are you doing?

WILL
It’s like, what my favourite holiday is?

BUDDY
What is your favourite holiday?

WILL
I don’t know. We haven’t been on many, have we?


BUDDY
No we haven’t.

BUDDY watches his MA as she opens a letter. She is pleased and then quizzical. She looks
inside the envelope again, shakes it. No other receipt. Nothing there. Her face clouds
over.

MA
Unbelievable, they’re not getting away with this.

She gets a piece of paper and writes frantically on it.

WILL
And it’s due today as well so I can’t do anything
about it.


65 EXT. MAIN STREET DAY 65

BUDDY passes through the Vigilante patrol at the barricade.

FRANKIE WEST
Hello Buddy.

BUDDY
Hello Mister West.

FRANKIE WEST
On yer go now.

BUDDY
Thanks, Mr.West.

He walks down the main street.

BILLY CLANTON is leaning against the barricade.

BILLY CLANTON
Will y’ ask yer Da to drop down d’ see us when he’s
back at the weekend?

BUDDY
(keeps walking)
He’s not back this weekend.

BILLY CLANTON
That’s a pity.
(Shouts after BUDDY)
Tell yer Ma ah was askin’ after him will ya?


BUDDY
Aye.

BILLY CLANTON
An tell yer brother I’ll need him for another wee
delivery with the milk. Get him to come and see me
after school. Alright?
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary The scene begins with Buddy, Will, and Ma enjoying breakfast, but the mood shifts when Ma discovers her tax envelope is empty, leading to frustration and her decision to write a letter. Buddy interacts with Frankie West and Billy Clanton on the street, highlighting community ties and responsibilities. The emotional tone transitions from light-hearted to tense as Ma confronts her financial concerns, while Buddy navigates his connections with the townspeople.
Strengths
  • Effective portrayal of tension
  • Realistic character reactions
  • Compelling plot progression
Weaknesses
  • Limited character development
  • Some dialogue may feel repetitive

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.2

The scene effectively conveys the daily struggles and tensions faced by the characters, setting up a compelling backdrop for future developments.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of financial struggles and strained relationships in a conflict-ridden environment is well-executed, adding depth to the narrative.

Plot: 8.5

The plot progresses by highlighting the financial troubles of the family and the strained interactions with neighbors, setting the stage for potential conflicts and resolutions.

Originality: 8

The scene offers a fresh take on family dynamics and financial struggles in a small-town setting. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and relatable, adding to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters' reactions to the financial challenges and tense interactions with neighbors are portrayed realistically, adding depth to their personalities.

Character Changes: 8

The characters experience a shift in their emotional states due to the financial challenges and strained interactions, setting the stage for potential growth.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to navigate the challenges his family is facing with grace and strength. He wants to protect his family and maintain their dignity in the face of adversity.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to deal with a financial issue that his family is facing. He needs to find a solution to the problem before it escalates.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8.5

The scene is filled with internal and external conflicts, from financial troubles to strained interactions with neighbors, adding layers of tension.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create tension and conflict for the characters, adding depth to their struggles and challenges.

High Stakes: 8

The high stakes are evident in the characters' financial struggles and strained relationships, adding urgency to their actions and decisions.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by introducing key conflicts and tensions that will likely impact future events and character development.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because it introduces unexpected challenges and conflicts for the characters, keeping the audience on their toes and invested in the outcome.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

There is a philosophical conflict between the protagonist's sense of duty to his family and the challenges they are facing. This conflict challenges his beliefs about responsibility and resilience.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes emotions of concern, frustration, and apprehension, drawing the audience into the characters' struggles.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue effectively conveys the characters' frustrations and concerns, enhancing the overall tension of the scene.

Engagement: 8

This scene is engaging because it focuses on the characters' relationships and struggles, drawing the audience into their world and creating emotional investment.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a balance of dialogue and action that keeps the story moving forward. The rhythm of the scene adds tension and emotional depth.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings and dialogue formatting. The visual descriptions enhance the reader's understanding of the setting and characters.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure that effectively conveys the characters' goals and conflicts. The pacing and rhythm of the scene contribute to its effectiveness.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the tension between the normalcy of family life and the underlying issues of financial struggle and community pressure. However, the dialogue feels somewhat disjointed, particularly between Buddy and Will. Their conversation about holidays lacks depth and doesn't contribute significantly to the scene's emotional weight or thematic elements.
  • MA's reaction to the empty tax envelope is a pivotal moment that could be enhanced. While her frustration is clear, the scene could benefit from more internal conflict or a moment of reflection that illustrates the weight of her financial burdens. This would deepen the audience's understanding of her character and the stakes involved.
  • The transition from the intimate breakfast scene to the external world with the vigilante patrol is abrupt. A smoother transition could help maintain the flow of the narrative. Perhaps a brief moment where Buddy reflects on the contrast between his home life and the outside world could enhance this shift.
  • Billy Clanton's dialogue feels somewhat clichéd and could be more nuanced. His character is introduced as a threatening figure, but the dialogue lacks originality and depth. Adding layers to his character through more unique dialogue or actions could make him more compelling and memorable.
  • The scene ends on a somewhat unresolved note, which can be effective, but it may leave the audience wanting more clarity on the implications of Billy's request. A stronger emotional or narrative hook at the end could enhance the scene's impact and set up the next one more effectively.
Suggestions
  • Consider revising the dialogue between Buddy and Will to make it more meaningful. Perhaps they could discuss their dreams or aspirations, which would tie into the themes of hope and struggle in their lives.
  • Add a moment of introspection for MA after she discovers the empty envelope. This could be a brief flashback or a visual cue that highlights her worries, making her frustration more relatable and impactful.
  • Introduce a visual or auditory cue that signifies the transition from the domestic scene to the outside world, such as the sound of distant shouting or the sight of soldiers, to create a more seamless flow.
  • Revise Billy Clanton's dialogue to include more specific threats or demands that reflect his character's motivations and background, making him a more complex antagonist.
  • Consider ending the scene with a stronger emotional beat, such as a lingering shot on Buddy's face as he processes the implications of Billy's words, to create a more powerful lead-in to the next scene.



Scene 23 -  The Gang Invitation
66 EXT. GROVE PARK RAILINGS / CONCRETE AND GRASS DAY 66

BUDDY and MOIRA walk.

MOIRA
Why is your dad not coming home?

He shrugs.

BUDDY
He can’t come home every weekend, it’s too dear.

They reach the bendy bar.

MOIRA
Yer won’t get yer wee matchbox car then will ya?

MOIRA climbs through, followed by BUDDY who gets stuck with his backpack.

MOIRA (CONT'D)
Come on!

He breaks free.

BUDDY
Coming...


67 EXT. GROVE PARK DAY 67

Walking by the football pitches.

MOIRA
D’ya wanna join a gang?

BUDDY
I’m not allowed.

MOIRA
Why not?


BUDDY
My Mother says she’d kill me.

MOIRA
Sure she doesn’t have to know. That’s the whole
point.

BUDDY
Are you in one?

MOIRA
Aye.

BUDDY
What’s it called?

MOIRA
Doesn’t have a name.

BUDDY
Why not?

MOIRA
It has to be secret. That’s what they tell you when
you join.

BUDDY
What do you do?

MOIRA
I can’t tell you till yer in the gang

BUDDY
How many of you are there?

MOIRA
Not allowed to say.

BUDDY
What do you have to do to join then?

MOIRA
Whatever they tell ya.


68 EXT. SCHOOL GATES DAY 68

They turn towards the school gates. BUDDY goes through them and towards the school.
MOIRA from the gates shouts to BUDDY.


MOIRA
If yer Da’s not home this weekend, you could come
wi’ us?

BUDDY
I dunno. I’m tryin to practice my maths.

MOIRA
Then yer mental! Come on. If yer Da’s not home
anyway, what else are ya gonna do?
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary In Grove Park, Buddy and Moira discuss Buddy's father's absence and the allure of joining a secret gang. Moira playfully teases Buddy about the initiation process, inviting him to join if his dad is away that weekend. However, Buddy hesitates, torn between his curiosity and his mother's rules, ultimately declining the invitation as he heads towards school, symbolizing his struggle with childhood constraints.
Strengths
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Natural character interactions
  • Intriguing theme exploration
Weaknesses
  • Low immediate conflict
  • Limited character development

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively introduces the theme of gangs in a playful and curious manner, engaging the audience with the characters' interactions and the secretive nature of the gang. The dialogue is natural and intriguing, setting up potential conflicts and character development.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring the world of gangs through the eyes of curious children is intriguing and sets up potential conflicts and character growth. The scene introduces a new element to the story, adding depth to the narrative.

Plot: 8

The plot is advanced through the introduction of the gang theme, hinting at future conflicts and character decisions. The scene moves the story forward by introducing a new element that will likely impact the characters' journeys.

Originality: 8

The scene offers a fresh perspective on the theme of peer pressure and loyalty, with authentic character interactions that feel true to life.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters of Buddy and Moira are well-developed in this scene, showcasing their curiosity, playfulness, and potential for involvement in secretive activities. The dialogue and interactions reveal their personalities and set up future character arcs.

Character Changes: 7

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the introduction of the gang theme hints at potential shifts in Buddy and Moira's perspectives and actions. The scene sets the stage for future character development.

Internal Goal: 8

Buddy's internal goal is to navigate peer pressure and maintain his sense of loyalty to his family, as seen in his reluctance to join a gang despite Moira's persuasion.

External Goal: 7

Buddy's external goal is to focus on his schoolwork and resist the temptation to join a gang, as highlighted by Moira's invitation.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

While there is a hint of potential conflict with the introduction of the gang theme, the scene primarily focuses on curiosity and playfulness. The conflict is more subtle but sets the stage for future tensions.

Opposition: 7

The opposition between Buddy's values and Moira's influence creates a compelling conflict that drives the scene forward.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are relatively low in this scene, focusing more on curiosity and intrigue rather than immediate danger or conflict. However, the introduction of the gang theme hints at higher stakes to come.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing the gang theme and setting up potential conflicts and character decisions. It adds depth to the narrative and hints at future developments that will impact the overall plot.

Unpredictability: 7

The scene is unpredictable in terms of Buddy's decision-making and the potential consequences of his choices.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict revolves around the themes of loyalty, peer pressure, and individual identity. Buddy's values clash with Moira's willingness to conform to the gang's rules.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7.5

The scene evokes a sense of curiosity and intrigue, drawing the audience into the secretive world of gangs through the innocent perspective of Buddy and Moira. The emotional impact is subtle but sets up anticipation for future developments.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue in the scene is engaging and natural, capturing the playful and secretive tone of the conversation between Buddy and Moira. The dialogue drives the scene forward and sets up future conflicts and character dynamics.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to the relatable characters, realistic dialogue, and the underlying tension between Buddy and Moira.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and maintains the audience's interest through well-timed dialogue and character interactions.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene adheres to standard screenplay formatting, making it easy to follow and visualize.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a natural progression of events and dialogue, effectively building tension and conflict.


Critique
  • The dialogue between Buddy and Moira effectively captures the innocence and curiosity of childhood, particularly in their discussion about joining a gang. However, the scene could benefit from deeper emotional stakes. The conversation feels somewhat surface-level, lacking the weight of the external conflicts surrounding them. Given the backdrop of their environment, it would be impactful to weave in more tension or fear regarding the implications of gang involvement, reflecting the societal pressures they face.
  • Moira's character is intriguing, but her motivations for being in a gang are not fully explored. Adding a line or two that hints at why she feels the need to join a gang could provide more depth to her character and make her more relatable. This would also serve to contrast Buddy's hesitance and fear of his mother's reaction, enhancing the conflict between their desires and the realities of their lives.
  • The pacing of the scene is generally good, but the transition from the park to the school gates feels abrupt. A brief moment of reflection or a shared experience between Buddy and Moira could help smooth this transition and reinforce their friendship. This could also serve to highlight Buddy's internal conflict about joining the gang versus focusing on his studies.
  • The use of humor in Moira's lines adds a light-hearted touch, but it might overshadow the seriousness of the gang discussion. Balancing the humor with more serious undertones could create a richer emotional landscape. For instance, Moira could express a moment of vulnerability about her gang involvement, which would contrast with her playful demeanor.
  • The scene ends with a clear invitation for Buddy to join the gang, but it lacks a strong emotional hook. A more poignant line from Buddy, expressing his internal struggle or desire to fit in, could leave the audience with a stronger sense of his character's journey and the stakes involved.
Suggestions
  • Incorporate a moment of reflection for Buddy that reveals his internal conflict about joining a gang versus his responsibilities at home, perhaps through a brief flashback or a thought.
  • Add a line or two that hints at Moira's motivations for being in a gang, which could provide depth to her character and create a stronger contrast with Buddy's hesitance.
  • Smooth the transition from the park to the school gates by including a shared experience or a moment of camaraderie that reinforces their friendship.
  • Balance the humor in Moira's dialogue with more serious undertones about the implications of gang involvement, perhaps by having her share a moment of vulnerability.
  • End the scene with a stronger emotional hook by having Buddy express his internal struggle or desire to fit in, leaving the audience with a clearer sense of his character's journey.



Scene 24 -  Dreams and Dilemmas
69 INT. SCHOOL CLASSROOM DAY 69

CATHERINE and BUDDY exchange looks.

MUSIC - “Warm Love” by Van Morrison


70 EXT. FRONT OF BUDDY’S HOUSE DAY 70

MA sits, with her back leaning against the wall, having a cup of tea. A breath.


71 EXT. UK ALLEYWAY DAY 71

PA strolls down an alleyway. Pre-occupied.


72 EXT/INT. GRANNY’S HOUSE DAY 72

POP is at work out in the backyard, GRANNY is in the kitchen preparing lunch.. She hears
POP coughing violently.


73 EXT. SCHOOL GATES DAY 73

School is over and kids flow out of the gates.


74 EXT. FOOTBALL PITCH DAY 74

WILL and MOIRA. Rain. Umbrellas. Kicking a ball.


75 INT. GRANNY'S HOUSE DAY 75

BUDDY and POP working on his maths homework. It is not going well.


BUDDY
God, this takes ages, no wonder they call it long
division.

POP
Patience. Patience with the sums. Patience with the
girl.

BUDDY
Is it 27?

POP
It’s close enough. Just make sure yer numbers aren’t
very clear to read. She might give you the benefit of
the doubt if your 7 looks like a 1 with a fancy tail.
Same with a 2 and a 6. Keep ‘er guessin. That means
you have 2 or 3 horses in every race.

BUDDY
Isn’t that cheating?

POP
Well, I’d call it spread bettin. And if it gets you moved
up by one seat, to bask in the light of her glory, then
you’re off to the races.

BUDDY
But sure there’s only one right answer.

POP
If that were true son, people wouldn’t be blowin
themselves up all over this town.

Beat.

BUDDY
I think my Da wants us to leave Belfast.

Beat.

POP
What d’you want?


BUDDY
Every night, before I go to sleep, when I say my
prayers, I ask God if he’d fix it so that when I wake
up in the morning, I am the best footballer in the
world, and then I also ask him as well, that when I
grow up, can I marry Catherine, even if she loves
Ronnie Boyd, but she could still see him, but she’d
marry me.
That’s what I want.
Genres: ["Drama","Coming-of-age"]

Summary In this poignant scene, Buddy and Catherine share a silent connection in their classroom, leading to a series of locations that highlight Buddy's struggles with math and his aspirations. At Granny's house, Buddy seeks guidance from Pop, who emphasizes the importance of patience and cleverness in both academics and love. Despite Buddy's determination to become a great footballer and marry Catherine, he grapples with the reality of her affection for another boy, Ronnie Boyd. The scene captures Buddy's innocence and longing, culminating in a heartfelt expression of his dreams, leaving a lingering sense of hope.
Strengths
  • Authentic character interactions
  • Emotional depth
  • Innocence and hope portrayed effectively
Weaknesses
  • Lack of immediate conflict or high stakes

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively balances the innocence of childhood dreams with the weight of familial struggles and societal tensions, creating a poignant and relatable moment.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of childhood dreams, family relationships, and societal backdrop is effectively explored, adding layers of depth to the scene.

Plot: 8

The plot progression in the scene focuses on Buddy's aspirations, family dynamics, and hints at larger societal issues, setting the stage for future developments.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces unique character dynamics and explores complex themes of honesty and ambition.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed, with Buddy's innocence and dreams contrasting with Pop's wisdom and guidance. The interactions feel authentic and add richness to the scene.

Character Changes: 7

Buddy's character undergoes a subtle shift as he grapples with his dreams and family expectations, setting the stage for potential growth and self-discovery.

Internal Goal: 9

Buddy's internal goal is to be the best footballer in the world and to marry Catherine, despite her love for Ronnie Boyd.

External Goal: 7

Buddy's external goal is to excel in his math homework with the help of Pop.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 4

While there are hints of conflict in the background, the scene primarily focuses on personal aspirations and family dynamics, with subtle tensions adding depth to the narrative.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene adds tension and conflict, driving the characters' choices and actions.

High Stakes: 3

While personal aspirations and family dynamics are at play, the scene does not involve high-stakes conflicts or immediate threats, focusing more on emotional depth and character development.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by deepening the audience's understanding of the characters, their relationships, and the underlying themes, setting the stage for future developments.

Unpredictability: 7

The scene is unpredictable in its exploration of moral dilemmas and character choices.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The conflict between cheating and honesty is evident in the scene, challenging Buddy's values and beliefs.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes a strong emotional response through its portrayal of childhood innocence, familial relationships, and the yearning for love and acceptance.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is engaging and reveals insights into the characters' personalities and relationships. It drives the scene forward while capturing the essence of childhood innocence and longing.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its blend of humor, drama, and character development.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene enhances its effectiveness by balancing dialogue and action sequences.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, enhancing readability and flow.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a coherent structure that effectively develops the characters and their goals.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the innocence and aspirations of Buddy, showcasing his internal conflicts and desires. The dialogue between Buddy and Pop is humorous and relatable, providing a light-hearted tone amidst the backdrop of a more serious context. However, the transition between the various locations feels somewhat disjointed, which may confuse the audience. The rapid shifts from the classroom to the alleyway, then to Granny's house, and finally to the football pitch could benefit from smoother transitions or a more cohesive narrative thread connecting these locations.
  • The use of music, specifically 'Warm Love' by Van Morrison, adds an emotional layer to the scene, but it could be more effectively integrated with the visuals. The music should enhance the emotional beats rather than feel like a separate element. Consider how the music interacts with the dialogue and actions to create a more immersive experience.
  • Buddy's dialogue about wanting to be the best footballer and marry Catherine is heartfelt and captures the essence of childhood dreams. However, the mention of Ronnie Boyd could be expanded to provide more context about their relationship dynamics. This would deepen the audience's understanding of Buddy's feelings and the stakes involved in his aspirations.
  • The humor in Pop's advice about math and relationships is well-executed, but the line about people blowing themselves up feels jarring in comparison to the otherwise light-hearted tone. This abrupt shift could be softened or rephrased to maintain the scene's overall emotional consistency while still addressing the serious context of their environment.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment of Buddy's reflection or a visual cue that connects his aspirations with the realities of his environment, perhaps showing a glimpse of the outside world that contrasts with his dreams.
  • Enhance the transitions between locations by using visual motifs or thematic elements that tie them together, such as recurring imagery of football or references to Buddy's dreams, to create a more fluid narrative.
  • Expand on the relationship dynamics between Buddy, Catherine, and Ronnie Boyd to provide more depth to Buddy's feelings. This could involve a brief flashback or a conversation that highlights their interactions.
  • Revisit the line about people blowing themselves up to ensure it fits seamlessly within the scene's tone. It could be rephrased to maintain the humor while acknowledging the serious context without feeling out of place.



Scene 25 -  Tensions in the Night
76 EXT. MOON OVER BELFAST NIGHT 76


77 EXT. BUDDY’S HOUSE NIGHT 77

Helicopters shine floodlights on the streets. The Vigilantes look to the skies.

LIBERTY VALANCE/LEE MARVIN (O.S.)
You lookin’ for trouble Donophin?

TOM DONOPHIN/ JOHN WAYNE (O.S.)
You aim to help me find some?


78 INT. BUDDY'S HOUSE NIGHT 78

BUDDY and WILL watch a film on television, ‘The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance’.

RANSOM STODDARD/JAMES STEWART
What’s the matter. Everybody in this country kill crazy?!
Here!

LIBERTY VALANCE/LEE MARVIN
Show’s over for now.

TOM DONOPHIN/JOHN WAYNE
Try it Liberty...just try it...

RANSOM STODDARD/JAMES STEWART
What right do you have to interfere. It was me he
tripped...

MA is on the phone in the hall.

MA
I have to keep those boys where I can see them.


PA (O.S.)
I can’t come home every weekend.

MA
...and if you can’t be bothered...

PA (O.S.)
Oh come on...

MA
...then don’t blame me for what them boys get up to.

PA (O.S.)
That’s not what I’m saying. You can’t just...

She hangs up.
Genres: ["Western","Family Drama"]

Summary In a tense night scene in Belfast, helicopters hover above as vigilantes look on, creating an atmosphere of unease. The dialogue from 'The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance' plays in the background, mirroring the conflict between MA and PA during a phone call. MA expresses her worries about their boys' behavior, highlighting PA's absence and lack of involvement in their lives. As Buddy and Will watch the film, absorbed in its narrative, MA's frustration escalates, leading to a heated exchange with PA that ends unresolved when she hangs up. The scene captures both external chaos and internal family strife.
Strengths
  • Effective blending of family drama and external threats
  • Engaging dialogue and character interactions
  • High level of conflict and tension
Weaknesses
  • Potential lack of clarity in some character motivations
  • Limited exploration of certain themes or relationships

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively blends the personal conflicts within the family with the external threats, creating a tense and dramatic atmosphere. The dialogue and character interactions are engaging, and the scene sets up potential conflicts and developments for future events.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring family tensions alongside external threats is compelling and adds depth to the overall narrative. The scene effectively introduces conflicts and themes that will likely be further developed in the story.

Plot: 8.5

The plot progression in the scene is significant, as it sets up future conflicts and developments for the characters. The interactions and events in the scene contribute to the overall narrative arc and keep the story moving forward.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh approach to the classic Western genre by setting it in a modern urban environment and incorporating themes of family loyalty and power dynamics. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters in the scene are well-developed, with distinct personalities and motivations. Their interactions reveal underlying tensions and relationships that add depth to the story.

Character Changes: 8

The scene hints at potential character changes and developments, especially in response to the external threats and family tensions. The conflicts presented may lead to significant growth for the characters.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to maintain control over the situation and protect their family from potential danger. This reflects their deeper need for security and stability.

External Goal: 7.5

The protagonist's external goal is to confront the antagonist and assert their authority in the face of a threat. This reflects the immediate challenge they are facing in the scene.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The level of conflict in the scene is high, both within the family and from external threats. The tensions between characters and the looming dangers create a sense of urgency and drama.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting goals and power dynamics between characters creating uncertainty and tension.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes in the scene are high, both on a personal and external level. The family's relationships and safety are at risk, while external threats add a sense of danger and urgency to the narrative.

Story Forward: 9

The scene effectively moves the story forward by introducing new conflicts, relationships, and themes. It sets the stage for future events and developments, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the narrative.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the shifting power dynamics between characters and the uncertain outcome of the confrontation.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the themes of justice, power, and family loyalty. The protagonist's beliefs and values are challenged by the antagonist's actions and the need to protect their loved ones.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene has a significant emotional impact, eliciting feelings of tension, concern, and anxiety from the audience. The interactions between characters and the unfolding events evoke strong emotions.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue in the scene is engaging and realistic, effectively conveying the emotions and conflicts present. The conversations between characters reveal their personalities and motivations, driving the scene forward.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its tense atmosphere, sharp dialogue, and escalating conflict between characters.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension and suspense, leading to a climactic confrontation.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a tense confrontation scene in a screenplay, with clear character motivations and escalating conflict.


Critique
  • The scene effectively uses the backdrop of the film 'The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance' to parallel the tensions in Buddy's life, creating a thematic resonance between the film's conflict and Buddy's own struggles with his family dynamics and the violence in Belfast. However, the connection could be made clearer by incorporating more direct commentary or reactions from Buddy and Will regarding the film's themes, which would deepen the audience's understanding of their emotional state.
  • The dialogue between MA and PA is realistic and captures the strain in their relationship, but it feels somewhat disconnected from the visual elements of the scene. The scene could benefit from more visual cues or actions that reflect the emotional weight of their conversation, such as MA's body language or the boys' reactions to the argument, which would enhance the tension and urgency of the moment.
  • The use of the film's dialogue as an auditory backdrop is a clever device, but it risks overshadowing the original dialogue between MA and PA. The screenplay should ensure that the film's lines do not compete with the characters' conversations, perhaps by adjusting the volume or timing of the film's dialogue to maintain clarity in the scene.
  • The scene transitions between the external chaos of the helicopters and the internal conflict of the family, but the shift could be more pronounced. A stronger visual or auditory cue could help signify this transition, such as a sudden loud noise from outside that interrupts the conversation, emphasizing the danger and urgency of their situation.
  • The emotional stakes in this scene are high, but they could be heightened further by showing Buddy and Will's reactions to their mother's frustration and their father's absence. This would provide a more intimate glimpse into their emotional landscape, making the audience more invested in their well-being amidst the chaos.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment where Buddy or Will reacts to the film's dialogue, drawing a parallel to their own lives. This could be a brief exchange that highlights their understanding of the themes of conflict and responsibility.
  • Incorporate more physical actions or expressions from MA and the boys during the phone call to visually convey the tension in the household. For example, showing MA pacing or fidgeting could enhance the emotional impact of her frustration.
  • Adjust the volume or pacing of the film's dialogue to ensure that it complements rather than competes with the characters' conversations. This could involve strategically placing pauses in the film's dialogue to allow for more focus on MA and PA's argument.
  • Use a more distinct auditory or visual cue to signify the transition from the external chaos to the internal family conflict. This could be a sudden loud noise from outside that interrupts the conversation, heightening the sense of urgency.
  • Explore Buddy and Will's emotional responses to their mother's frustration and their father's absence. This could be achieved through brief dialogue or visual cues that reflect their concern or confusion, making the audience more invested in their emotional journey.



Scene 26 -  Bittersweet Achievements
79 EXT. BUDDY'S STREET DAWN 79

Vigilantes on the Barricade. Milkman arrives.

MAN IN THE STREET
Right that’s 6am Fellas. That’s you’s done.


80 INT. BUDDY’S HOUSE/HALL MORNING 80

MA picks up the post. Another tax envelope. Slightly different looking. She sits on the
stairs, opens the letter, reads it, and slowly lowers her head.

MA
(to herself)
What have I done?

BUDDY
Alright mommy? Why do you always get sad when
the letter comes?

BUDDY in the doorway.


81 EXT. SCHOOL GATES DAY 81

Bells ringing, pupils filing in. BUDDY races through the school gates.

TEACHER
Come on Mister Slowcoach, get inside now!


82 INT. CLASSROOM DAY 82

The test results being announced. Seating positions being rearranged.

BUDDY looking hopeful.

MISS LEWIS
...and finally a switch in the medal positions this week.
Well Mr Buddy, you may not have improved your
handwriting in maths, for which, this once, in lieu of
your intensified effort, we will be willing to give you
the benefit of the doubt, but you have improved your
score.
So, in second position is Buddy.

THE CHILDREN cheer Van Morrison sings JACKIE WILSON SAID as the sound begins to
fade, the picture moves to slow motion, as the group of four that occupy the top two desks,
begin to rise, ready for the new ordering. Close on the ecstatic face of BUDDY. Now
BUDDY, sitting at the top desk, right next to the teacher, and directly beside...not Catherine
but RONNIE BOYD.. He turns to look behind him at CATHERINE, who looks sad,
BUDDY now looks crestfallen.


83 EXT. GROVE PARK RAILINGS DAY 83

BUDDY climbs through the bendy bars.

GRANNY (V.O.)
Be careful what you wish for, that’s what the Minister
at the wee mission says.
Genres: ["Drama","Coming-of-age"]

Summary As dawn breaks, MA receives a distressing tax envelope, prompting concern from her son BUDDY. At school, BUDDY learns he has improved his test score, bringing him initial joy, but his happiness wanes upon seeing CATHERINE's sadness. The scene captures the tension between personal struggles and fleeting moments of joy, culminating in BUDDY climbing through park railings as GRANNY's voiceover warns him to be careful what he wishes for.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth of characters
  • Character development
  • Exploration of relationships
Weaknesses
  • Limited external conflict
  • Some dialogue could be more impactful

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively captures the emotional turmoil of Buddy as he experiences a mix of hope and disappointment, providing insight into his character development and relationships.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of academic competition, self-esteem, and relationships is well-developed in the scene, providing depth to Buddy's character and setting up potential conflicts and resolutions.

Plot: 8

The plot progression in the scene revolves around Buddy's academic performance and its impact on his relationships, setting the stage for future developments and character growth.

Originality: 7

The scene introduces familiar themes of academic pressure and personal growth but presents them in a fresh and emotionally resonant way. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds depth to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters, especially Buddy, are portrayed with depth and nuance, showcasing their emotional vulnerabilities and aspirations. The interactions between characters reveal underlying tensions and dynamics.

Character Changes: 8

Buddy undergoes a significant emotional change in the scene, transitioning from hope to disappointment based on his test results and seating arrangement.

Internal Goal: 8

Buddy's internal goal in this scene is to prove himself academically and gain recognition for his efforts. This reflects his desire for validation and acceptance from his peers and teachers.

External Goal: 7

Buddy's external goal in this scene is to improve his academic performance and earn a higher ranking in the class. This reflects the immediate challenge he faces in the form of academic competition and the pressure to succeed.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

While there is internal conflict for Buddy in dealing with his test results and relationships, the external conflict is relatively low in this scene.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, as the protagonist faces internal and external challenges that test his resolve and character. The uncertainty of the outcome adds suspense to the narrative.

High Stakes: 7

While the stakes are relatively low in this scene in terms of immediate danger, they are high in terms of emotional impact and character development.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by deepening the audience's understanding of Buddy's character, relationships, and challenges.

Unpredictability: 6

This scene is unpredictable because it subverts expectations of academic success by highlighting the emotional impact of achievement. The protagonist's reactions are unexpected and add depth to the narrative.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the idea of success and recognition versus personal fulfillment and happiness. Buddy's academic achievements bring him recognition but also lead to feelings of disappointment and isolation.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene evokes a strong emotional response from the audience, particularly in relation to Buddy's hopes and disappointments.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the emotions and motivations of the characters, particularly through non-verbal cues and reactions.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it captures the emotional journey of the protagonist and creates tension through the conflict between success and personal fulfillment. The dialogue and character interactions draw the reader into the story.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension and emotion gradually. The rhythm of the dialogue and narrative descriptions enhances the reader's engagement with the story.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with proper scene headings and dialogue formatting. The visual descriptions enhance the reader's understanding of the setting and character emotions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with clear transitions between locations and a focus on character development. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the effectiveness of the scene.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the emotional weight of Ma's situation with the tax envelope, but it could benefit from more visual storytelling to convey her internal struggle. Instead of just stating her sadness, consider showing her physical reactions or surroundings that reflect her emotional state, such as the clutter of unpaid bills or a family photo that evokes nostalgia.
  • Buddy's dialogue feels natural and relatable, but it could be enhanced by adding more depth to his character. Instead of just asking why Ma gets sad, he could express concern or confusion about their financial situation, which would show his growing awareness of the family's struggles.
  • The transition from Ma's emotional moment to the school setting is abrupt. A smoother transition could help maintain the emotional continuity of the scene. Perhaps a brief moment of silence or a lingering shot on Ma's face before cutting to the school could create a more poignant contrast between her internal conflict and Buddy's external world.
  • The classroom scene is lively and engaging, but it lacks a strong emotional payoff. While Buddy's achievement is celebrated, the juxtaposition of his joy with Catherine's sadness could be more pronounced. Consider adding a moment where Buddy acknowledges Catherine's feelings, which would deepen the emotional complexity of the scene.
  • The voiceover from Granny at the end is a nice touch, but it feels somewhat disconnected from the preceding events. It would be more impactful if it directly related to Buddy's current emotional state or the choices he faces, reinforcing the theme of caution in his aspirations.
Suggestions
  • Incorporate more visual elements that reflect Ma's emotional turmoil, such as close-ups of her hands trembling as she opens the letter or a shot of the empty kitchen table to symbolize their financial struggles.
  • Enhance Buddy's dialogue to reflect a deeper understanding of his family's situation, perhaps by having him ask more probing questions or express his own worries about their future.
  • Create a smoother transition between Ma's emotional moment and the school scene by including a brief moment of reflection or a visual cue that connects the two settings.
  • Add a moment in the classroom where Buddy acknowledges Catherine's sadness, perhaps by giving her a reassuring smile or a supportive comment, to create a more emotionally resonant connection between them.
  • Ensure that Granny's voiceover ties directly into Buddy's emotional journey, perhaps by reflecting on the consequences of his recent achievements or the importance of being careful with his wishes.



Scene 27 -  Moon Landing and Mischief
84 INT. GRANNY'S HOUSE DAY 84

GRANNY is reading ‘The Peoples Friend”, a popular religious-y journal. POP is reading the
newspaper.

POP
When’s yer next chance?

BUDDY
We’ve to do a project about the moon landing.

POP
What did those boy not come back from that?

BUDDY
They did, and now we have to cut things outta the
papers and explain how they got there.


GRANNY
If they DID get there. If they did get on the moon.
It’s not what it says here. God doesn’t like it.

BUDDY
An’ I watched every night too that they were up
there, an’ how did I never see Mike Collins in the
mother ship doin his orbit? Surely y’ woulda seen the
shape of Columbus against the light of the moon.

POP
That’s cos mostly he was on the dark side.

GRANNY
Exactly. The side where Lucifer hangs his Shillelagh.

POP
No, he was on the dark side of the moon most of
the time, where we couldn’t see him, you know
when he was doin his orbit, and maybe, you know,
just before he was due to come round the corner, y’
had to go in for your tea?

BUDDY
If I could come up with something smart about that,
maybe I could stay up at the top desk and wait ‘till
she gets back there.

POP
Or play dumb, you could say the moon’s made of
green cheese and drop down a place to join her?

BUDDY is unimpressed.

GRANNY
Or. You could do the project together. You and the
young lady. You’d get the same marks. Maybe end up
on the same seat together.

BUDDY
But how do I even talk to her?

POP starts to sing.

POP
(sings)
“How to handle a woman...”

GRANNY groans, BUDDY listens intently, POP is unrepentant.


POP (CONT'D)
(sings)
“...there’s a way said a wise old man, a way known by
every woman, since the whole rigmarole began...”

GRANNY
It’s all rigmarole with you mister!

POP
(sings)
“Do I flatter her, threaten or cajole or plead?

Gets up from the sofa, and moves to GRANNY, snatches her People’s Friend, and flings it, as
he picks her up to dance.

POP (CONT'D)
(sings)
Do I brood or play the gay romancer, said he smiling.”

The couple are now stumbling unsteadily around the room, BUDDY is laughing, GRANNY
in spite of herself is laughing.

POP (CONT'D)
(sings)
“How to handle a woman, mark me well, and I’ll tell you
sir, the way to handle a woman, is... to love her....”

He spins GRANNY around, and hugs her.

POP (CONT'D)
(sings)
“.. simply love her ”

She giggles.

GRANNY
Get off me!

POP
(sings)
“...merely love her....”
Genres: ["Drama","Comedy"]

Summary In Granny's cozy living room, Buddy seeks advice on impressing a girl while discussing his school project about the moon landing. Pop humorously questions the moon landing's authenticity and shares playful insights on handling women, leading to a lively dance with Granny. Despite her initial skepticism, Granny joins in the fun, resulting in laughter and warmth among the family. The scene captures the lighthearted banter and affectionate relationship between Pop and Granny, ending with a playful exchange that highlights their love.
Strengths
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Humorous interactions
  • Character development
Weaknesses
  • Minimal conflict
  • Limited plot progression

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively combines humor, reflection, and character dynamics to create an engaging and memorable moment.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring Buddy's romantic feelings and family relationships through humor and dialogue is well-executed.

Plot: 7.5

While the plot progression is subtle, the scene adds depth to Buddy's character and sets up potential future conflicts and developments.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh take on a familiar topic, blending skepticism, humor, and romance in a unique way. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and engaging.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters are well-developed and their relationships are explored in a meaningful and entertaining way.

Character Changes: 6

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, it sets up potential growth and development for Buddy in future scenes.

Internal Goal: 8

Buddy's internal goal is to figure out how to approach and talk to the young lady for the project. This reflects his desire for connection and his fear of rejection or embarrassment.

External Goal: 7

Buddy's external goal is to successfully complete the project about the moon landing. This reflects the immediate challenge he is facing in school.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 4

The conflict in the scene is minimal, focusing more on humor and character dynamics.

Opposition: 6

The opposition in the scene is mild, with characters facing internal and external challenges but ultimately resolving them in a lighthearted manner. The audience is left wondering how Buddy will approach the project.

High Stakes: 3

The stakes are relatively low in this scene, focusing more on personal relationships and humor.

Story Forward: 7

The scene provides insight into Buddy's feelings and relationships, setting the stage for future plot developments.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists in dialogue and character actions. The humor and emotional moments keep the audience on their toes.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the characters' beliefs about the moon landing and the role of God in it. Granny's skepticism and Pop's humor challenge Buddy's understanding of the world.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7.5

The scene elicits a range of emotions, from laughter to nostalgia, creating a strong emotional connection with the audience.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is witty, engaging, and reveals insights into the characters' personalities and relationships.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its witty dialogue, dynamic character interactions, and emotional depth. The humor and sentimentality keep the audience invested in the story.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a good balance of dialogue, action, and emotional beats. It keeps the audience engaged and moves the story forward effectively.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene descriptions, character names, and dialogue formatting. It is easy to follow and visually engaging.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with well-defined character interactions and dialogue. It flows smoothly and effectively conveys the characters' goals and conflicts.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the playful dynamic between Buddy, Pop, and Granny, showcasing their personalities and relationships. However, the dialogue could benefit from more clarity regarding the moon landing project. While the banter is entertaining, it may distract from the central theme of Buddy's school project and his feelings for Catherine.
  • Granny's skepticism about the moon landing adds a humorous touch, but it could be more impactful if it tied back to Buddy's aspirations or fears. This would deepen the emotional stakes of the scene, making it not just a comedic exchange but also a moment of character development for Buddy.
  • Pop's singing adds a lighthearted element, but it risks overshadowing Buddy's internal conflict about impressing Catherine. The transition from discussing the moon landing to singing could be smoother, ensuring that the focus remains on Buddy's feelings and the project rather than diverting into a musical interlude.
  • The scene's pacing is generally good, but the comedic elements could be balanced with moments of sincerity. For instance, after the playful banter, a brief moment where Buddy expresses his genuine feelings about Catherine could enhance the emotional depth of the scene.
  • The visual elements of the scene are engaging, particularly the physicality of Pop and Granny dancing. However, incorporating more descriptive actions or expressions from Buddy could help convey his emotional state more effectively, allowing the audience to connect with his character on a deeper level.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a line where Buddy expresses his excitement or anxiety about the project and his feelings for Catherine, which would ground the scene in his perspective.
  • Make the transition from the moon landing discussion to Pop's singing more seamless, perhaps by having Pop sing a line that relates to Buddy's situation or feelings about impressing Catherine.
  • Incorporate a moment where Buddy reflects on how he can use the project to connect with Catherine, perhaps by suggesting a collaborative approach that highlights his desire to impress her.
  • After the playful banter, include a brief pause where Buddy looks thoughtful or conflicted, allowing the audience to see the weight of his feelings amidst the humor.
  • Enhance the physicality of Buddy's reactions during the dancing, showing his laughter and enjoyment, but also hinting at his underlying worries about his project and Catherine.



Scene 28 -  A Sweet Plan Under the Sun
85 EXT. GROVE PARK DAY 85

BUDDY picks some flowers.


86 EXT. SCHOOL DAY 86

Pupils pouring out of school. CATHERINE is walking past. BUDDY is waiting and offers a
small bunch of flowers to her. She takes them.

CATHERINE
Thanks. Well done on yer maths.

BUDDY
Thanks.

Beat.

CATHERINE
Have you gone to the moon yet?

BUDDY shakes his head.

CATHERINE (CONT'D)
D’ya want to, with me?

He nods his head.

CATHERINE (CONT'D)
It’ll save you gettin cold waitin’ outside our house.

She goes.

MOIRA is waiting for BUDDY at the school gates.

MOIRA
Hey Romeo. C’mon! We have work to do.


87 EXT. SWEET SHOP STREET DAY 87

BUDDY and MOIRA hiding behind some railings.

MOIRA
Operation steal the chocolate. It’s simple. We go into
the shop and keep Mister Singh talking down by the
fridge. He has to move the boxes round at the
bottom d’get me a Lemon Mivvy. His head’ll be
down part of the time. You stay at the front of the
shop, and when you see he’s not lookin, you make a
sweep.

BUDDY
What’s a sweep?


MOIRA
A big grab for all the chocolate bars on that low shelf
near the till.

BUDDY
Sure he’ll know they’ve been nicked if there’s a big
gap. I thought you said we’d just do a couple so he’d
never even notice. I don’t want lifted by the police.

MOIRA
Alright, alright...

MOIRA’S FRIEND walks past, pretending not to know them.

MOIRA’S FRIEND
(whispering)
All clear.

MOIRA
...no sweep, just a small grab, ok? I might be able to
swipe a chocolate mousse at the same time.

BUDDY
Ok...
Genres: ["Drama","Coming-of-age"]

Summary In a playful day at Grove Park, Buddy picks flowers and gifts them to Catherine, who whimsically invites him to the moon. After she leaves, Buddy meets Moira, who proposes a mischievous plan to steal chocolate from a nearby sweet shop. Despite his initial hesitation about getting caught, Moira reassures him by suggesting a smaller heist. The scene captures the light-hearted innocence of youth as Buddy reluctantly agrees to the plan.
Strengths
  • Captures childhood innocence
  • Engaging character interactions
  • Playful tone
Weaknesses
  • Low conflict level
  • Limited stakes

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively combines elements of budding romance, childhood innocence, and mischief, creating a heartwarming and engaging moment in the story.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring childhood romance and mischief in a lighthearted manner is effectively portrayed in the scene, adding depth to Buddy's character and showcasing his relationships with others.

Plot: 8

The plot progression in the scene focuses on Buddy's budding romance with Catherine and his involvement in a small act of mischief, adding layers to his character and moving the story forward in a charming way.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh approach to the familiar theme of childhood mischief, blending humor and tension in a unique way. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters, especially Buddy, Catherine, and Moira, are well-developed in the scene, showcasing their personalities, motivations, and relationships in a compelling manner.

Character Changes: 6

Buddy's character shows growth in his interactions with Catherine and Moira, showcasing his willingness to take risks and explore new experiences.

Internal Goal: 8

Buddy's internal goal is to impress Catherine and potentially form a connection with her. This reflects his desire for acceptance and companionship.

External Goal: 7

Buddy's external goal is to successfully carry out the plan to steal chocolate from the sweet shop with Moira. This reflects the immediate challenge of executing a risky scheme.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 4

While there is a hint of conflict in the plan to steal chocolate, the overall tone of the scene is more focused on lightheartedness and innocence rather than intense conflict.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create a sense of risk and uncertainty, as Buddy grapples with the consequences of the plan to steal chocolate.

High Stakes: 3

The stakes in the scene are relatively low, focusing more on the lighthearted interactions and playful dynamics between the characters.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by developing Buddy's relationships with Catherine and Moira, adding depth to his character and setting the stage for future interactions.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because it introduces a twist in the plan to steal chocolate, adding a layer of uncertainty and tension to the outcome.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between the desire for excitement and rebellion, represented by the plan to steal chocolate, and the fear of consequences and getting caught, represented by Buddy's concern about being lifted by the police.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes a sense of nostalgia and warmth, connecting with the audience on an emotional level through the themes of childhood romance and mischief.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the playful and innocent nature of the characters, adding depth to their interactions and enhancing the overall tone of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it combines humor, tension, and relatable character dynamics to create a compelling narrative. The audience is drawn into the children's scheme and the risks involved.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a balance of dialogue, action, and character interactions that maintain the audience's interest and build tension effectively.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and easy to follow, with concise descriptions and dialogue that flow naturally. It adheres to the expected format for its genre.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with distinct beats and character interactions that drive the narrative forward. It effectively sets up the conflict and resolution of the scheme to steal chocolate.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the innocence and youthful exuberance of Buddy, particularly in his interaction with Catherine. The dialogue is light and playful, which suits the tone of a young romance. However, the transition from the sweet moment with Catherine to the more mischievous plan with Moira feels a bit abrupt. A smoother transition could enhance the flow of the scene.
  • Catherine's line about going to the moon is charming and serves as a metaphor for their youthful dreams. However, it could be strengthened by adding a bit more context or emotion to Buddy's response. Perhaps a brief internal thought or a visual cue could illustrate his excitement or nervousness about the idea.
  • Moira's character comes across as assertive and clever, but her plan to steal chocolate could benefit from more detail or stakes. The dialogue about the plan is somewhat vague, and adding specific risks or consequences could heighten the tension and make the scene more engaging.
  • The dialogue between Buddy and Moira is realistic for their age, but it could be enhanced by incorporating more humor or banter. This would not only make their friendship feel more dynamic but also provide a contrast to the sweetness of Buddy's interaction with Catherine.
  • The scene lacks a strong emotional arc. While it starts with a sweet moment, it quickly shifts to a more comedic tone with the chocolate heist. Establishing a clearer emotional throughline could help the audience connect more deeply with Buddy's character and his motivations.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment of Buddy's internal thoughts after Catherine leaves, reflecting on his feelings about her invitation to go to the moon. This could deepen the emotional impact of the scene.
  • Enhance the dialogue about the chocolate heist by including more specific details about the risks involved. For example, Moira could mention a previous close call with getting caught, which would raise the stakes.
  • Incorporate more playful banter between Buddy and Moira to showcase their friendship. This could involve them teasing each other or sharing a funny anecdote related to their plan.
  • Create a smoother transition between the sweet moment with Catherine and the mischievous plan with Moira. Perhaps Buddy could express a fleeting worry about getting in trouble before shifting gears to the heist, maintaining the emotional continuity.
  • Consider adding a visual element that emphasizes the contrast between the innocence of Buddy's feelings for Catherine and the mischievousness of the chocolate plan, such as Buddy glancing back at the school as they plot their heist.



Scene 29 -  Sweet Shop Shenanigans
88 EXT. SWEET SHOP DAY MOMENTS LATER 88

BUDDY, MOIRA and MOIRA’S FRIEND walk in.

MOIRA (O.S.)
Hello Mister Singh.

BUDDY (O.S.)
Hello Mister Singh.

MR SINGH (O.S.)
Good to see you.

MOIRA (O.S.)
Please may I have a Lemon Mivvy?

MR SINGH (O.S.)
Lemon Mivvy coming right up. Just need to move a
few wee boxes...

All is quiet. All is well. Then.


MR SINGH (O.S.) (CONT'D)
HEY!

BUDDY races out of the shop, hotly pursued by MOIRA, who drops her lolly as she goes,
and MOIRA’S FRIEND.

MR. SINGH emerges from the shop. He starts to race up the street in pursuit of them.

MR SINGH (CONT'D)
C’mere y’ little buggers. I know who you are!

He grabs MOIRA’S FRIEND by the backpack and pulls her to a stop.

MR SINGH (CONT'D)
You proud of yourself?

MOIRA’S FRIEND
It was Moira!

He marches her back to his shop.

MR SINGH
Get in there.
Genres: ["Drama","Coming-of-age","Crime"]

Summary In a bustling sweet shop, Buddy suddenly bolts out the door, prompting Moira and her friend to chase after him. Amid the chaos, Moira's friend drops her candy, and Mr. Singh, the shop owner, misinterprets the situation, grabbing her backpack and dragging her back inside, playfully accusing her of causing the ruckus. The scene is light-hearted and filled with mischief as the characters navigate the unexpected turn of events.
Strengths
  • Effective balance of tension and humor
  • Authentic character interactions
  • Engaging plot development
Weaknesses
  • Limited character growth in this specific scene

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively balances tension, humor, and character dynamics, providing a glimpse into the mischievous side of the young characters while maintaining a sense of innocence and playfulness.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the sweet shop heist adds an element of excitement and mischief to the narrative, highlighting the characters' youthful curiosity and willingness to take risks.

Plot: 8.5

The plot of the scene revolves around the attempted theft at the sweet shop, which serves as a catalyst for character development and conflict. It adds depth to the story and showcases the characters' personalities.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh approach to a familiar situation by combining elements of comedy, drama, and suspense in a small-town setting. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and relatable.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters, especially Buddy and Moira, are well-developed and their interactions feel authentic. Their motivations, actions, and dialogue contribute to the scene's dynamics and emotional impact.

Character Changes: 7

While there is not significant character growth in this particular scene, it does showcase the characters' personalities and relationships, setting the stage for potential development in future scenes.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to maintain a sense of camaraderie and friendship with Moira and Mr. Singh, while also showcasing loyalty and quick thinking when faced with a sudden conflict.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to escape from Mr. Singh's pursuit and avoid getting into trouble for a misunderstanding.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict between the characters and the shopkeeper adds tension and excitement to the scene, driving the narrative forward and revealing the characters' true colors.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Mr. Singh's pursuit adding a sense of urgency and danger to the characters' actions.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are relatively high as the characters risk getting caught while attempting to steal from the sweet shop, which could have consequences for their relationships and future actions.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing a new conflict and deepening the characters' relationships, setting the stage for future developments and challenges.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the sudden shift from a lighthearted interaction to a chase sequence, keeping the audience on their toes.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the themes of loyalty, honesty, and taking responsibility for one's actions. Mr. Singh's confrontation with Moira's friend challenges their values and beliefs about accountability.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from tension and anxiety to joy and humor, creating a memorable and impactful moment in the story.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue in the scene is engaging and reveals the characters' personalities and relationships. It effectively conveys tension, humor, and emotion, enhancing the overall impact of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its mix of humor, action, and suspense, keeping the audience invested in the characters' fates.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a balance of fast-paced action and slower moments of dialogue that build tension effectively.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene's formatting adheres to the expected format for a screenplay, with clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 9

The scene follows a clear structure with a setup, conflict, and resolution, effectively building tension and engaging the audience.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the playful and mischievous spirit of childhood, showcasing Buddy, Moira, and Moira's friend engaging in a light-hearted theft. However, the transition from the calm atmosphere inside the sweet shop to the chaos outside could be more pronounced. The sudden shift feels a bit abrupt, and adding a moment of hesitation or a cue that something is about to go wrong could enhance the tension.
  • The dialogue is functional but lacks distinct character voices. While the characters are young, giving them unique phrases or mannerisms could help differentiate them and make the scene more engaging. For instance, Moira could have a catchphrase or a specific way of teasing Buddy that reflects her personality.
  • Mr. Singh's character comes off as somewhat one-dimensional. To make him more memorable, consider adding a line or two that reveals his personality or relationship with the children. Perhaps he could express a mix of frustration and fondness for them, which would add depth to his character and the scene.
  • The pacing of the scene is quick, which suits the action, but it might benefit from a brief moment of reflection or a comedic beat after the chaos ensues. For example, after Buddy bolts from the shop, a quick exchange between Moira and her friend about the absurdity of the situation could provide a humorous pause before Mr. Singh catches up.
  • The stakes of the scene could be heightened. While the chase is fun, the consequences of getting caught are not clearly established. Adding a line where Buddy expresses fear of what Mr. Singh might do if he catches them could raise the tension and make the audience more invested in the outcome.
Suggestions
  • Introduce a moment of foreshadowing before the chaos erupts, such as Buddy glancing nervously at Mr. Singh or Moira hesitating before making her request, to build anticipation.
  • Enhance character differentiation by giving each child a unique way of speaking or reacting to the situation. This will help the audience connect with them on a deeper level.
  • Add a line or two for Mr. Singh that reflects his personality, perhaps showing a mix of exasperation and affection for the kids, which would make him a more relatable character.
  • Incorporate a comedic beat after the chase begins, allowing the characters to react to the absurdity of the situation, which can lighten the mood and provide a moment of levity.
  • Clarify the stakes by having Buddy express concern about the consequences of getting caught, which will create a sense of urgency and make the audience more invested in the outcome.



Scene 30 -  Panic on the Street
89 EXT. STREET DAY 89

BUDDY and MOIRA slow down, almost hyperventilating, and as if they might throw up, but
still moving on up the street just in case.

BUDDY
She’s gonna tell on us!

MOIRA
If says anything, she’s done for.

Eventually they come to a breathless stop.

MOIRA (CONT'D)
What have yer got?

He unfolds his tightly tensed fingertips from around the single purple packet. Fry’s Turkish
Delight.

MOIRA (CONT'D)
Yer jokin’ me?

BUDDY
That’s all I could see.


MOIRA
Turkish Delight? Who the hell eats Turkish Delight?
Do you eat Turkish Delight?

BUDDY
No, I don’t like it.

MOIRA
Nobody likes it.

BUDDY
It’s all they had.

MOIRA
Are you blind?

BUDDY
I had to think quickly.

MOIRA
Not quickly enough. There was Flakes and Crunchies,
all you need is in an’ out with a fast hand, and then
the Milky Bars are on me. I’m not sure yer cut out
for this.

KAREN LAMBERT on a Chopper Bike rides up to them.

KAREN LAMBERT
Hey, Buddy, yer Da’s home.

BUDDY
Sure it’s only Wednesday?

KAREN LAMBERT
He came in a taxi.

BUDDY starts to get a move on. MOIRA calls after him.

MOIRA
An’ you too!

BUDDY
What?

MOIRA
Keep yer mouth shut.

BUDDY returns her look.
Genres: ["Drama","Coming of Age","Crime"]

Summary Buddy and Moira are in a state of panic as they walk down the street, worried about being caught for their actions. Buddy reveals he has brought back a packet of Fry's Turkish Delight, which Moira criticizes for being a poor choice. Their conversation is interrupted by Karen Lambert, who informs Buddy that his father has unexpectedly returned home, prompting him to rush away while Moira warns him to stay quiet. The scene is filled with tension and humor, highlighting their anxiety and the absurdity of the situation.
Strengths
  • Effective blend of tension and humor
  • Engaging character interactions
  • Clear progression of plot
Weaknesses
  • Limited character development
  • Lack of significant emotional depth

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively combines tension, humor, and character dynamics to create an engaging and memorable moment in the story.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a failed candy theft adds a layer of conflict and humor to the story, showcasing the characters' motivations and relationships in a unique way.

Plot: 8.5

The plot is advanced through the failed candy theft, revealing more about the characters' personalities and relationships. The scene adds depth to the overall narrative.

Originality: 8.5

The scene introduces a fresh take on a familiar scenario of a theft gone wrong, with unique character dynamics and dialogue that feel authentic and engaging.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters' interactions and reactions during the failed heist demonstrate their individual traits and dynamics, adding depth to their development.

Character Changes: 7

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the failed heist experience may impact the characters' future decisions and actions.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to prove themselves capable and competent in a risky situation. This reflects their deeper need for validation and acceptance from their peers.

External Goal: 7.5

The protagonist's external goal is to successfully complete a theft without getting caught. This reflects the immediate challenge they are facing in the scene.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict between the characters during the failed heist creates tension and drives the scene forward, adding excitement and intrigue.

Opposition: 7.5

The opposition in the scene is strong, with obstacles and challenges that test the protagonist's abilities and decision-making skills, creating suspense and uncertainty for the audience.

High Stakes: 8

The high stakes of getting caught during the candy theft add tension and risk to the scene, increasing the sense of danger and consequences.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by revealing more about the characters' personalities and relationships, setting the stage for future developments.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists and turns in the characters' actions and dialogue, keeping the audience guessing about the outcome.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

There is a philosophical conflict between the characters' values of quick thinking and resourcefulness versus careful planning and attention to detail. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs about what it takes to succeed in their world.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7.5

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from tension and anxiety to humor and playfulness, engaging the audience on an emotional level.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue effectively conveys tension, humor, and character relationships, enhancing the scene's impact and entertainment value.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its fast-paced dialogue, tense atmosphere, and high stakes that keep the audience on the edge of their seats.

Pacing: 8.5

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by maintaining a sense of urgency and tension, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the characters' journey.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting that enhance readability.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution that drive the narrative forward.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the tension and anxiety of Buddy and Moira after their impulsive theft, showcasing their youthful recklessness. However, the dialogue could be tightened to enhance the pacing and urgency of their situation. The banter between Buddy and Moira is humorous, but it sometimes feels repetitive, particularly in their discussion about the Turkish Delight. Streamlining this exchange could maintain the comedic tone while keeping the momentum of the scene.
  • The introduction of Karen Lambert serves as a plot device to shift the focus back to Buddy's home life, but her entrance feels somewhat abrupt. It might benefit from a more gradual build-up or a brief description of her demeanor to establish her role in the scene more clearly. Additionally, her dialogue could be more impactful if it hinted at the implications of Buddy's father's unexpected return, adding a layer of tension.
  • The emotional stakes in this scene are primarily driven by the fear of being caught, but the stakes could be raised further by incorporating more sensory details or physical reactions from Buddy and Moira. For instance, describing their body language or the environment around them could enhance the reader's connection to their anxiety and the chaotic atmosphere of their surroundings.
  • The dialogue does a good job of reflecting the characters' personalities, particularly Moira's assertiveness and Buddy's hesitance. However, it could be enriched by including more subtext or emotional depth. For example, Moira's frustration with Buddy's choice of candy could also reflect her own insecurities about their plan, adding complexity to her character.
  • The scene ends on a somewhat ambiguous note with Buddy's return look to Moira. While this can be effective, it may leave the audience wanting more clarity about their relationship and the consequences of their actions. A more definitive closing line or action could provide a stronger emotional resonance.
Suggestions
  • Consider tightening the dialogue between Buddy and Moira to eliminate redundancy and maintain a brisk pace. Focus on their immediate feelings and reactions to heighten the tension.
  • Introduce Karen Lambert with a brief description of her demeanor or actions to create a smoother transition and establish her significance in the scene.
  • Incorporate more sensory details and physical reactions from Buddy and Moira to enhance the emotional stakes and immerse the audience in their anxiety.
  • Add subtext to the dialogue to deepen character development, particularly in Moira's frustration, which could reveal more about her insecurities or motivations.
  • End the scene with a more definitive action or line from Buddy that reflects the consequences of their theft and his father's unexpected return, providing a stronger emotional impact.



Scene 31 -  Shattered Trust
90 EXT. BUDDY'S HOUSE DAY 90

BUDDY runs up to his house.

PA (O.S.)
When did you write to them?

He slows down, exhausted, and drops the Turkish Delight.

MA (O.S.)
None of your business.

PA (O.S.)
Just tell me, when did you write to them? It’s a simple
question.

MA (O.S.)
None of your business.

PA (O.S.)
Just give me a simple answer.

Through the window, BUDDY can see his parents stood up on either side of the small
kitchen.

MA
I’m not getting interrogated.

PA
When did you write to them?

The front door is wide open. The atmosphere is strange.


91 INT. BUDDY’S HOUSE DAY 91

BUDDY comes through the front door very slowly. He can hear the voices coming from
the kitchen.

MA (O.S.)
When that last receipt came through. I knew it was
the last one cus for three bloody years I’ve been
countin’ them envelopes comin’ through that door,
and there wasn’t so much as a thank you with this
one...

BUDDY moves down the tiny hall.


PA (O.S.)
It’s the tax man for Gods sake. Who do y’ expect?
Father Christmas?

MA (O.S.)
We’ve been scrimpin’ an savin’, an they hadn’t the
good graces to say, ‘that’s it. You’re done. You’re in the
clear’.

BUDDY is now spying on them from the living room.

PA
So what’d y’ say to them in yer letter?

MA
I said I wanted a full official declaration that my
husband was in the clear 100% on all back taxes, and
that they acknowledged that everything was ship
shape and above board, and that my family’s good
name was not on some credit risk list.

PA
Christ. Christ the night.

PA shakes his head.

MA
What?

PA takes out another tax envelope. She takes it, reads.

MA (CONT'D)
No...no...

PA
Yes...yes...oh yes...they’ve decided, thanks to actin’ on
your request, they’ve decided to go back further into
my accounts and say that I owe another £572, which
based on current earnings should take another five
years to pay off.
So that was a handy the wee letter to send wasn’t it?

MA
You bugger. You’re a lying bugger.

MA turns round and grabs a plate from behind her and throws it at PA. It misses and
smashes against the wall. She throws more crockery. Full screaming match now.


PA
THAT’S RIGHT, BELIEVE THE TAX MAN BEFORE
YOU BELIEVE ME.

MA
‘CUS I KNOW YOU!

Plate crashes against the wall just missing PA.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary Buddy arrives home to find his parents in a heated argument over a letter his mother sent to the tax authorities, revealing their financial frustrations. The confrontation escalates as accusations fly, culminating in Buddy's mother throwing a plate at his father, symbolizing the breakdown of their relationship. The scene is tense and chaotic, leaving Buddy as a passive observer to the disarray in his household.
Strengths
  • Intense emotional conflict
  • Realistic dialogue
  • Strong character dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Limited character development within the scene

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys the tension and conflict within the family, drawing the audience into the emotional turmoil. The dialogue is sharp and impactful, revealing the characters' inner struggles and frustrations.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of portraying a family in crisis due to financial issues and lack of trust is compelling and relatable. The scene effectively explores the complexities of familial relationships and the impact of external pressures on personal dynamics.

Plot: 8.5

The plot progression in the scene revolves around the revelation of additional financial burdens and the resulting confrontation between the parents. It adds depth to the overall narrative by highlighting the family's struggles and internal conflicts.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh approach to the common theme of family conflict, with a focus on financial strain and trust issues. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed, with distinct personalities and motivations driving their actions. The emotional depth and complexity of the parents' relationship are effectively portrayed, adding layers to the scene.

Character Changes: 8

The scene showcases the characters' emotional turmoil and reveals underlying tensions within the family. While there may not be significant character development within this scene, it sets the stage for potential growth and change in future interactions.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to navigate the conflict between his parents and possibly find a way to diffuse the situation. This reflects his deeper need for peace and stability within his family.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is not explicitly stated, but it could be to understand the situation between his parents and possibly intervene to prevent further escalation.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is intense and emotionally charged, with the parents' argument escalating to a breaking point. The clash of perspectives and unresolved issues heighten the tension and drama.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting beliefs and emotions driving the conflict between the characters. The audience is left uncertain about the outcome, adding to the tension.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in the scene as the family confronts financial struggles, trust issues, and emotional turmoil. The outcome of the argument could have significant consequences for their relationships and future decisions.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by deepening the audience's understanding of the family dynamics and setting the stage for future conflicts and resolutions. It adds complexity to the narrative and drives the plot towards further developments.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists and turns in the characters' actions and dialogue. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of how the conflict will be resolved.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the clash between trust and skepticism. The mother trusts the tax man over her husband, while the father feels betrayed by her lack of belief in him.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking feelings of tension, anger, and frustration in the audience. The raw emotions displayed by the characters resonate with viewers, drawing them into the family's turmoil.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is sharp, emotional, and realistic, capturing the raw intensity of the argument between the parents. It reveals their inner turmoil and resentment, adding depth to their characters.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the intense emotional conflict and high stakes involved. The audience is drawn into the drama and invested in the outcome of the characters' interactions.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and maintaining the audience's interest. The rhythm of the dialogue and actions contributes to the overall effectiveness of the scene.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and easy to follow, with proper scene headings and dialogue formatting. It adheres to the expected format for its genre.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows a typical dramatic format, with escalating tension and conflict leading to a climax. The dialogue and actions flow naturally, contributing to the effectiveness of the scene.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the tension between Buddy's parents, highlighting their financial struggles and the impact of external pressures on their relationship. However, the dialogue can feel repetitive, particularly with the repeated phrase 'None of your business' and 'Just tell me.' This could be tightened to maintain the audience's engagement.
  • The use of off-screen dialogue (O.S.) is effective in creating a sense of distance between Buddy and his parents, emphasizing his role as an observer. However, the transition from O.S. dialogue to Buddy's physical entrance could be more dynamic. Consider incorporating Buddy's internal thoughts or feelings as he approaches the house, which would deepen the emotional impact of the scene.
  • The escalating argument between Ma and Pa is visceral and dramatic, but it risks overshadowing Buddy's perspective. Incorporating Buddy's reactions or feelings during the argument could add depth and allow the audience to connect more with his character. This could be achieved through visual cues or brief internal monologues.
  • The physicality of the argument, particularly the throwing of crockery, is a strong visual element; however, it might benefit from clearer staging. Describing the layout of the kitchen and the positions of the characters could enhance the visual clarity of the scene and the chaos of the argument.
  • The scene ends on a high note of chaos, which is effective, but it could be enhanced by foreshadowing the consequences of this argument on Buddy and his family dynamic. A brief moment of silence or a lingering shot on Buddy's face after the argument could serve as a powerful emotional punctuation to the scene.
Suggestions
  • Consider tightening the dialogue to avoid repetition and maintain tension. Focus on making each line count, ensuring it adds to the conflict or character development.
  • Incorporate Buddy's internal thoughts or feelings as he approaches the house to create a stronger emotional connection with the audience.
  • Add physical reactions or expressions from Buddy during the argument to provide insight into his emotional state and how the conflict affects him.
  • Clarify the staging of the kitchen and the characters' positions to enhance the visual storytelling and the chaos of the argument.
  • End the scene with a moment that reflects the aftermath of the argument, such as a close-up of Buddy's face showing concern or fear, to emphasize the emotional weight of the conflict.



Scene 32 -  Whispers of Concern
92 EXT. ALLEYWAY / GRANNY’S HOUSE DAY 92

BUDDY, PA, POP and GRANNY walk side by side.

POP
Yer work won’t be pleased with you skippin’ off in
the week.

PA
I’ll work the weekend.

POP
When’s that job gonna finish?

PA
This one’s nearly done.

POP
There’s an other one over there, then, is there?

PA
Aye. A big one, a long one, they’re askin’ some of the
boys to move over, permanent, offerin’
accommodation, cos of the time involved. A coupl’ a
years. They’re buildin’ a hospital.

GRANNY
Yer Father has to go to the hospital. You talk to him
about it. He won’t talk to me about doctors.

PA
Is that right?

POP
Just a couple o’ days. A wee test. For the lungs. All
that bloody time over in Leicester.

BUDDY
Where’s that?


POP
In England.

BUDDY
Is that near where my Daddy works?

POP
No, your Daddy works near London, the big smoke.
This was in the countryside.

BUDDY
What were you doin?

POP
I was a coal miner.

BUDDY
You’ve done a lotta different jobs, Pop

PA
You can say that again.

GRANNY
An’ none lasted more than a week!
Except for the mining.

BUDDY and GRANNY go through the back door into Granny’s house.

PA speaks more quietly now.

PA
My Mother’s worried about you.

POP
Yer Mo’r’s worried about you.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary In an alleyway near Granny's house, Buddy, Pa, Pop, and Granny engage in a heartfelt discussion about work and health. Pa reassures Pop about a potential job building a hospital while Pop shares his health concerns stemming from his past as a coal miner. Buddy's innocent curiosity about his father's work and Pop's history highlights the generational differences and familial bonds. The scene captures the tension between work obligations and health worries, particularly for Pop, and concludes with a quiet moment between Pa and Pop, leaving their concerns unresolved.
Strengths
  • Authentic dialogue
  • Realistic portrayal of family dynamics
  • Strong emotional impact
Weaknesses
  • Lack of external conflict
  • Limited character development in this specific scene

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively portrays the complex relationships and emotions within the family, creating a tense and reflective atmosphere. The dialogue and interactions feel authentic and provide insight into the characters' inner turmoil.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring family relationships and communication issues is well-developed in the scene. It provides depth to the characters and adds layers to the overall narrative.

Plot: 8

The plot progression in the scene focuses on revealing the family dynamics and personal struggles, moving the story forward by adding depth to the characters and their relationships.

Originality: 9

The scene demonstrates a high level of originality through its portrayal of working-class life and family dynamics. The characters feel genuine and relatable, and their conversations provide insight into their values and struggles.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed, each with their own unique personalities and struggles. The interactions between them feel authentic and add depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 7

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the interactions and dialogue provide insight into the characters' inner turmoil and struggles.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to navigate the dynamics of his family relationships, particularly with his father and grandmother. He is also grappling with concerns about his father's health and the impact it may have on the family.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to balance his work commitments with his family responsibilities, especially in light of his father's health issues and the potential job offer that may require him to relocate.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict in the scene is primarily internal, focusing on the characters' personal struggles and communication issues within the family.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is moderate, with hints of conflict and tension between the characters but no overt confrontation. The audience is left wondering about the resolution of the protagonist's internal and external struggles.

High Stakes: 6

The stakes in the scene are primarily emotional, focusing on the characters' personal struggles and communication issues within the family.

Story Forward: 7

The scene adds depth to the characters and their relationships, moving the story forward by exploring the family dynamics and personal struggles.

Unpredictability: 6

This scene is unpredictable because it introduces new information about the characters' pasts and future prospects, creating a sense of uncertainty and potential conflict.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

There is a philosophical conflict between the characters' perspectives on work, family, and health. Pop's history as a coal miner highlights the sacrifices and challenges of manual labor, while Granny's comment about job stability adds a layer of tension.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene evokes a strong emotional response from the audience, particularly in portraying the characters' anxieties, frustrations, and worries.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is engaging and realistic, effectively conveying the characters' emotions and struggles. It adds depth to the scene and enhances the portrayal of family dynamics.

Engagement: 8

This scene is engaging because it immerses the audience in the characters' world and relationships, drawing them into the unfolding drama and emotional stakes.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a balanced mix of dialogue and action that maintains the audience's interest and propels the story forward. The rhythm of the scene enhances its emotional impact and thematic resonance.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene adheres to standard screenplay formatting conventions, with clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting. The pacing and visual elements are well-balanced and contribute to the overall readability of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a natural flow of conversation and action, with clear transitions between characters and settings. The dialogue is interspersed with descriptive details that enhance the sense of place and atmosphere.


Critique
  • The scene effectively transitions from the previous chaotic argument, providing a moment of calm and familial connection. However, the dialogue feels somewhat expository, particularly in the way characters discuss jobs and health issues. This could be more subtly woven into the narrative rather than explicitly stated.
  • Buddy's curiosity about his grandfather's past jobs is a nice touch, showcasing his innocence and desire to understand his family's history. However, the dialogue could benefit from more emotional depth. Instead of just listing jobs, consider incorporating Buddy's feelings or reactions to these revelations.
  • The dynamic between the characters is established well, but the scene lacks tension or conflict. Given the previous scene's intensity, this moment feels a bit too light and could use a hint of underlying concern or anxiety about the family's situation, especially regarding Pop's health.
  • Granny's line about Pop not talking to her about doctors is a good character insight, but it could be expanded to show her emotional investment in his health. This would add layers to her character and the family dynamic.
  • The pacing of the scene is steady, but it could be enhanced by varying the rhythm of the dialogue. Some lines could be delivered with more urgency or emotion to reflect the family's underlying worries, particularly about Pop's health and the potential move for PA.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment of silence or a shared glance between the characters after discussing Pop's health to emphasize the weight of the situation.
  • Incorporate Buddy's internal thoughts or feelings about the conversation, perhaps through a voiceover or a brief moment of reflection, to deepen the audience's connection to his character.
  • Introduce a small conflict or disagreement among the characters regarding the job offer or Pop's health to create tension and drive the scene forward.
  • Enhance Granny's character by showing her emotional response to Pop's health situation, perhaps through a worried expression or a brief moment of vulnerability.
  • Use more subtext in the dialogue to convey the characters' feelings without explicitly stating them. For example, instead of directly stating worries, characters could make light-hearted jokes that hint at their deeper concerns.



Scene 33 -  Confrontation at the School Gates
93 EXT. GROVE PARK DAY 93

Father and son walk back to the school.

BUDDY
My Granny’s always worried about somethin, isn’t
she?

PA
Well, your Granny is a very caring person, but
sometimes it affects her nerves. Like your Mummy.


BUDDY
Mummy’s worried too isn’t she?

They stop and face each other.

BUDDY (CONT'D)
Daddy, are we gonna to have to leave Belfast?

Silence.


94 EXT. SCHOOL GATES DAY 94

They get to the school gates.

PA
Alright Buddy, that’s me away there. I see you when I
get back next week?

BUDDY walks through the gate.

PA (CONT'D)
Be good son. And if you can’t be good...

PA (CONT'D) BUDDY
...be careful! Be careful.

PA goes to leave, but BILLY CLANTON blocks his way.

BILLY CLANTON
Seems like only yesterday you and me were at school
together.

PA
You’re gonna need to stay away from my family.

BUDDY sees his Father talking to BILLY CLANTON He ducks behind the Bike Post so that
he can hear them ,but they are unaware of him.

BILLY CLANTON
You talk big for a fella who’s never here.

PA
You can rely on me bein’ here when it matters.

BILLY CLANTON
You know the problem with men like you? You think
you’re better than the rest of us.


PA
And the problem with men like you is that you know
you’re not.

BILLY CLANTON
We’ll keep it simple. You’re with us or you’re against
us.

PA starts to walk away from BILLY CLANTON.

BILLY CLANTON (CONT'D)
Clock’s tickin’.
You an’ her were always a soft touch. Time for real
Protestants to step up.

PA
You’re no real Protestant, you’re a jumped up
gangster and always were.

BUDDY comes out of his hiding spot, BILLY sees him. BUDDY slowly walks into school.
Genres: ["Drama","Family"]

Summary Buddy and his father walk to school, discussing family worries, particularly about leaving Belfast. At the school gates, Buddy's father is confronted by Billy Clanton, who threatens him and questions his loyalty. Buddy, hiding nearby, overhears the tense exchange as his father stands firm against Clanton's intimidation. The scene ends with Buddy walking into school, feeling the weight of the confrontation.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Strong character dynamics
  • Tense atmosphere
Weaknesses
  • Potential lack of resolution in the scene

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively captures the emotional turmoil within the family, creating a tense and confrontational atmosphere that keeps the audience engaged.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring family tensions and conflicting loyalties is compelling and adds depth to the overall narrative.

Plot: 8

The plot progression in the scene focuses on revealing the strained relationships within the family, moving the story forward by introducing conflicts and setting up future developments.

Originality: 8.5

The scene presents a fresh approach to the theme of loyalty and conflict within a community, with authentic character actions and dialogue that feel true to the setting and situation.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed, with distinct personalities and motivations that drive the emotional dynamics of the scene.

Character Changes: 8

The scene hints at potential character growth and changes, particularly in the dynamics between family members.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to protect his family and navigate the dangerous political and social landscape of Belfast. This reflects his deeper need for safety and security for his loved ones.

External Goal: 7.5

The protagonist's external goal is to confront the antagonist and assert his loyalty to his family and community. This reflects the immediate challenge he faces in standing up to threats and intimidation.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between family members is palpable, with opposing viewpoints and emotional stakes driving the intensity of the scene.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the antagonist posing a significant threat to the protagonist and his family, creating uncertainty and tension.

High Stakes: 8

The high stakes are evident in the confrontational interactions between family members, highlighting the emotional and relational risks involved.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing key conflicts and tensions within the family, setting up future developments and character arcs.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected confrontation between the protagonist and antagonist, as well as the shifting power dynamics and threats.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between loyalty to family and community versus loyalty to a dangerous gangster figure. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs about honor and integrity.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions from the audience, particularly in showcasing the strained relationships and emotional turmoil within the family.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is sharp and impactful, effectively conveying the tension and emotional depth of the interactions between the characters.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the high stakes, tense dialogue, and escalating conflict that keeps the audience invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 8.5

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, with well-timed dialogue and action that keep the audience engaged and eager to see what happens next.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings and dialogue formatting that enhance readability.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with clear character motivations and escalating tension leading to a dramatic confrontation.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the tension between familial concern and external threats, particularly through the dialogue between Buddy and his father. However, the emotional stakes could be heightened by incorporating more physicality or visual cues that reflect Buddy's anxiety about leaving Belfast.
  • The dialogue is natural and flows well, but it could benefit from more subtext. For instance, when Buddy asks if they will have to leave Belfast, it could be more impactful if his father hesitates or shows visible discomfort, indicating the weight of the situation without explicitly stating it.
  • The confrontation with Billy Clanton serves as a strong pivot point in the scene, introducing external conflict. However, the transition from the intimate moment between Buddy and his father to the confrontation feels abrupt. A brief moment of Buddy's internal reaction to the tension could enhance the emotional impact.
  • The use of silence before Buddy's question about leaving Belfast is effective, but it could be expanded to build more suspense. A longer pause could allow the audience to feel the weight of the unspoken fears that both characters share.
  • The characterization of Billy Clanton as a menacing figure is clear, but his motivations could be more fleshed out. Adding a line that hints at his personal stakes or grievances could make him a more rounded antagonist, rather than just a threat.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a visual element that reflects Buddy's anxiety, such as him fidgeting or glancing around nervously as he talks to his father, which would enhance the emotional weight of their conversation.
  • Incorporate a moment where Buddy's father visibly struggles with his response to Buddy's question about leaving, perhaps by looking away or taking a deep breath, to convey the gravity of the situation without needing to say much.
  • Before the confrontation with Billy Clanton, include a brief moment where Buddy notices the tension in his father's body language, which could foreshadow the impending conflict and deepen Buddy's concern.
  • Expand the silence after Buddy's question about leaving to allow the audience to absorb the emotional stakes. This could be achieved by showing Buddy's worried expression or his father's conflicted demeanor.
  • Enhance Billy Clanton's character by giving him a line that reveals a personal grievance or a deeper motivation for his antagonism, making him a more complex character rather than a one-dimensional threat.



Scene 34 -  A Day of Tension and Play
95 EXT. BUDDY'S STREET CORNER DAY 95

Kids drawing on a wall

MAN IN THE STREET
There’s Peeler’s about. Watch it yous two.

POLICEMAN knocks on BUDDY’s door.


96 EXT. BUDDY’S HOUSE DAY 96

BUDDY looks through the window. MA sees him.

MA (O.S.)
...ach there you are my son. There ‘e is now,..


97 INT. BUDDY’S HOUSE DAY 97

BUDDY joins MA and the POLICEMAN in the living room.

MA
Hello son, the police officer here just wants a wee
word with you. There seems to be a wee bit of
confusion about somethin that happened at Mr.
Singh’s. Go on, sit down there now.


BUDDY sits on a chair. He is worried as hell.

POLICEMAN
Do you know why I’m here son? Don’t lie to me. A
very serious crime has been committed down at Mr.
Singh’s shop. You know what I’m talking about?


98 EXT. BUDDY’S HOUSE DAY 98

MA laughs much too hard, as the POLICEMAN is leaving to walk down the street.

MA
(smiling still)
All the best now. An give my regards to Josie

POLICEMAN
I will do.

MA waves, still all smiles. Neighbours watch intently.

NEIGHBOUR GOSSIP
I do like a man in a uniform...Was he is in there long?

She walks back inside.


99 INT. BUDDY’S HOUSE DAY 99

As the door closes, MA’s hand goes up to wallop BUDDY’s head. He flies up the stairs

MA
Apples’ll grow again should they grow on a...

She chases him up the stairs.

MA (CONT'D)
...gooseberry tree.

BUDDY
I didn’t even eat the chocolate!
Genres: ["Drama","Crime"]

Summary The scene unfolds with children drawing on a wall while a man warns them about Peeler. A policeman visits Buddy's house, questioning him about a crime at Mr. Singh's shop, which makes Buddy anxious. After the policeman leaves, Ma laughs and sends regards to Josie, while a neighbor gossips about the visit. The mood shifts as Ma playfully chases Buddy upstairs, who protests that he didn't eat the chocolate, blending tension with lightheartedness.
Strengths
  • Effective blend of tension and humor
  • Strong character interactions
  • Engaging dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Some elements of the scene may feel predictable or cliched

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively blends tension, humor, and family dynamics to create a compelling and engaging narrative.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a chocolate heist involving a young boy and the consequences he faces is unique and engaging.

Plot: 8.5

The plot of the scene is well-developed, with a clear conflict and resolution that drives the narrative forward.

Originality: 8

The scene presents a fresh take on a familiar scenario of a young person facing interrogation by the police. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and original, adding depth to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-defined and their interactions add depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 7

Buddy experiences consequences for his actions, leading to a small change in his behavior.

Internal Goal: 8

Buddy's internal goal is to navigate the situation with the police officer and his mother without getting into trouble or revealing any incriminating information. This reflects his fear of disappointing his mother and getting into trouble with the law.

External Goal: 7

Buddy's external goal is to avoid being implicated in the crime that occurred at Mr. Singh's shop. He wants to maintain his innocence and not get in trouble with the law.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict between Buddy and his mother over the chocolate theft adds tension to the scene.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Buddy facing pressure from both the police officer and his mother. The audience is unsure of how he will navigate the conflicting demands and expectations.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are relatively high for Buddy, as he faces consequences for his actions.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing a new conflict and resolution.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected reactions and twists in the dialogue and actions of the characters. The audience is kept on their toes, unsure of how the situation will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between honesty and loyalty. Buddy is torn between telling the truth about what happened at Mr. Singh's shop and protecting his friends or himself. This challenges his beliefs about right and wrong.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene elicits a range of emotions, from tension to humor to empathy for Buddy's predicament.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is engaging and realistic, capturing the tension and humor of the scene effectively.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the tension and humor in the interactions between the characters. The audience is drawn into Buddy's predicament and invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a balance of tension and humor that keeps the audience engaged. The rhythm of the dialogue and action sequences adds to the effectiveness of the scene.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings, dialogue, and action descriptions. The formatting enhances the readability and flow of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the effectiveness of the scene.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the tension and anxiety that Buddy feels in the presence of authority, particularly with the policeman's questioning. This is a relatable moment for many viewers, especially children who have experienced similar situations. However, the dialogue could be more impactful if it included Buddy's internal thoughts or fears, which would deepen the audience's connection to his character.
  • MA's overly cheerful demeanor after the policeman's visit contrasts sharply with the serious nature of the situation, creating a comedic effect. While humor can be effective, it may undermine the gravity of the police inquiry. The scene could benefit from a more balanced tone that acknowledges the seriousness of the crime while still allowing for MA's character to shine through.
  • The transition from the policeman's serious questioning to MA's playful chase of Buddy feels abrupt. This shift in tone could confuse the audience about the emotional stakes of the scene. A smoother transition or a moment of reflection from Buddy could help bridge the gap between the tension of the police visit and the lightheartedness of the chase.
  • The dialogue from the neighbor adds a layer of community gossip, which is a nice touch, but it could be expanded to show how the community reacts to the police presence. This would enhance the setting and provide context for the audience about the neighborhood dynamics.
  • The scene ends on a humorous note with MA chasing Buddy, but it might leave the audience questioning the consequences of Buddy's actions. A brief moment of reflection from Buddy after the chase could reinforce the idea that he is still grappling with the seriousness of the situation, even if it is presented in a comedic light.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief internal monologue for Buddy during the policeman's questioning to convey his anxiety and fear more vividly.
  • Balance MA's humor with a moment of seriousness to maintain the emotional stakes of the scene. Perhaps she could express concern for Buddy's well-being before the chase begins.
  • Create a smoother transition between the policeman's serious demeanor and MA's playful chase by including a moment where Buddy reacts to the policeman's words before the chase starts.
  • Expand the neighbor's dialogue to provide more context about the community's perception of the police and the situation, which could enhance the setting and deepen the narrative.
  • Include a moment at the end where Buddy reflects on the encounter, perhaps showing his confusion or fear about the police visit, to reinforce the emotional weight of the scene.



Scene 35 -  Tension at Midnight
100 INT. BUDDY'S HOUSE NIGHT 100

BUDDY watches HIGH NOON on the television.


AMY FOWLER-KANE/GRACE KELLY
No, I won’t be here when it’s over. You’re asking me to
wait an hour to find out if I’m going to be a wife or a
widow. I say it’s too long to wait. I won’t do it.

MARSHAL WILL KANE/ GARY COOPER
Amy!

AMY FOWLER-KANE/GRACE KELLY
I mean it. If you won’t go with me now, I will be on that
train when it leaves here.

MARSHAL WILL KANE/ GARY COOPER
I’ve got to stay.

MA is on the phone in the hall.

MA
No, you are not listening to me.

PA (O.S.)
I am listening...I am listening...would you listen to me
for a change? I’m trying to be practical about this.

MA
Look the police were here today but their father
wasn’t, so no, I’m not having any lectures from you
mister.

PA (O.S.)
I know what you’re gonna do...

MA
Cheerio!

MA hangs up the phone and breaks into tears. We hear the soundtrack to HIGH NOON -
DO NOT FORESAKE ME. (Oh My Darlin’)

BUDDY watches MARSHAL WILL KANE/GARY COOPER walk up the street.


101 EXT. BUDDY’S STREET NIGHT 101

DO NOT FORESAKE ME continues to play whilst FRANKIE WEST patrols the street,
flaming torch in hand.
Genres: ["Western","Family Drama"]

Summary Buddy watches 'High Noon' on television, captivated by the intense conflict between Amy Fowler-Kane and Marshal Will Kane, who is torn between duty and love. Amy's frustration mounts as she threatens to leave if Will doesn't join her, while Ma, distressed from a phone argument with Pa, breaks down in tears. Outside, Frankie West patrols the street with a flaming torch, heightening the scene's tension. The emotional weight of the characters' decisions is underscored by the somber soundtrack, culminating in an unresolved conflict as the song 'Do Not Forsake Me' plays on.
Strengths
  • Effective blending of Western and family drama genres
  • Compelling dialogue and interactions between characters
  • Strong emotional impact and tension portrayed
Weaknesses
  • Some scenes may feel slightly disconnected from the main narrative

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively blends the genres of Western and family drama, creating a tense and emotional atmosphere. The dialogue and interactions between characters are compelling, drawing the audience into the conflicts and emotions portrayed.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of blending Western elements with family drama is innovative and engaging. The scene effectively explores themes of loyalty, conflict, and family dynamics, adding depth to the overall story.

Plot: 8.5

The plot of the scene is engaging and moves the story forward by introducing and developing conflicts within the family and the community. The tensions and emotions portrayed in the scene add depth to the overall narrative.

Originality: 8

The scene presents a fresh take on the Western genre by focusing on the internal struggles of the characters rather than external action. The authenticity of the dialogue adds depth to the characters' interactions.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters in the scene are well-developed and their emotions and conflicts are portrayed effectively. The interactions between the characters add depth to the story and engage the audience.

Character Changes: 8

The characters experience emotional changes and conflicts within the scene, particularly Buddy's mother and father. Their interactions and reactions reveal their evolving dynamics and emotions.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to assert her independence and agency in the face of societal expectations and pressure. She wants to make her own decisions and not be controlled by others.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to convince her partner to leave with her and not wait for the outcome of the movie. She wants to take control of her own destiny and not be passive in the face of uncertainty.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The scene has a high level of conflict, both within the family and the community, creating a tense and dramatic atmosphere. The conflicts drive the narrative forward and engage the audience.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting desires and emotional stakes that create uncertainty for the characters and the audience.

High Stakes: 8

The scene has high stakes, particularly for Buddy's family and their relationships. The conflicts and tensions portrayed have significant consequences for the characters, adding intensity to the scene.

Story Forward: 9

The scene effectively moves the story forward by introducing and developing conflicts and tensions within the family and the community. The interactions and dialogues between the characters add depth to the overall narrative.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the characters' conflicting desires and the uncertain outcome of their decisions.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict is between duty and personal freedom. The protagonist must choose between fulfilling societal expectations and following her own desires.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene has a strong emotional impact, with the tensions and conflicts evoking feelings of anxiety, frustration, sadness, and anger. The emotional depth of the characters adds to the overall impact of the scene.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue in the scene is impactful and conveys the tensions and emotions of the characters effectively. The conversations between the characters reveal their relationships and motivations, adding depth to the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the high emotional stakes, sharp dialogue, and conflicting goals of the characters.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and emotional intensity, keeping the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting adheres to the expected format for a screenplay, with clear scene descriptions and character dialogue.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a traditional structure for a dramatic confrontation, with escalating tension and emotional stakes.


Critique
  • The juxtaposition of the tension in 'High Noon' with the domestic conflict between Ma and Pa is effective in highlighting the emotional turmoil within Buddy's household. However, the scene could benefit from clearer transitions between the two narratives to enhance the thematic connection between the film's plot and Buddy's family situation.
  • The dialogue from 'High Noon' serves as a powerful metaphor for the choices and stakes faced by the characters in Buddy's life. However, the emotional weight of Ma's breakdown could be amplified by incorporating more visual cues or physical reactions from Buddy, who is passively observing rather than actively engaging with the emotional crisis unfolding around him.
  • The scene's pacing feels slightly uneven. The tension builds with Ma's argument on the phone, but the transition to her breaking down into tears feels abrupt. A moment of silence or a visual cue showing Buddy's reaction before Ma's emotional collapse could create a more impactful moment.
  • The use of the song 'Do Not Forsake Me' is a strong choice, as it resonates with themes of loyalty and abandonment. However, the scene could explore how this song affects Buddy's perception of his parents' struggles, perhaps through a brief internal monologue or a visual representation of his feelings as he watches the film.
  • While the scene effectively conveys the chaos of Buddy's home life, it could benefit from a stronger visual connection between the film and the real-life events. For instance, showing Buddy's face reflecting the emotions of the characters on screen could deepen the audience's understanding of his internal conflict.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment where Buddy reacts to the tension in the film, perhaps mirroring the emotions of Amy or Will, to create a stronger connection between the two narratives.
  • Incorporate a visual element that shows Buddy's emotional state as he watches the film, such as close-ups of his face or his body language, to enhance the audience's empathy for his situation.
  • Introduce a moment of silence or a pause after Ma hangs up the phone, allowing the weight of her emotional breakdown to settle before transitioning to the next visual.
  • Explore the possibility of Buddy having a brief internal monologue or thought that connects the themes of 'High Noon' to his own life, providing insight into his perspective on loyalty and family.
  • Consider using sound design to emphasize the emotional weight of the scene, perhaps by gradually fading the film's soundtrack as Ma's breakdown intensifies, allowing the audience to focus on her emotional state.



Scene 36 -  A Day on Buddy's Street
102 EXT. MAIN STREET / BUDDY'S STREET DAY 102

PA comes out of an alley. He plays with a group of kids.

PA
Hey, pass the ball.

He throws the ball in the air.

PA (CONT'D)
Catch it.

And moves on, towards the barricade.

PA (CONT'D)
Mrs. Ford how you doing?

MRS FORD
All the better for seeing you stranger. Welcome
home.

PA
Aren’t you a silver-tongued charmer.

MRS FORD
It takes one to know one.

PA
Ach.

He walks past another woman.

PA (CONT'D)
Alright?

MR STEWART
Ach just the fella. Have you got a horse for the two
thirty race?

PA
I have. But if I tell you, the odds will come down.

MR STEWART
Christ, I’m not gonna bet the house.

PA
‘Fancy Man’ each way. It’ll get ya a pint.
Is that Paddy moving out?


FRANKIE WEST
Poor Catholics have no choice.

PA
It’s a mad world.

FRANKIE WEST
We’ll get used to it. We all live there now.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary PA emerges from an alley and engages with a group of children, playfully asking them to pass a ball. He shares a warm greeting with Mrs. Ford, highlighting their close relationship, before discussing horse betting with Mr. Stewart, who seeks advice on an upcoming race. Their conversation touches on the struggles faced by the poor Catholics in the community, as Frankie West comments on their living situation. The scene captures a lively neighborhood atmosphere filled with camaraderie and humor, while subtly addressing deeper social issues.
Strengths
  • Authentic character interactions
  • Sharp dialogue
  • Emotional depth
Weaknesses
  • Limited character development
  • Subtle plot progression

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively blends tones of tension, somberness, and playfulness to create a rich and engaging atmosphere. The dialogue is sharp and reveals the characters' inner conflicts and external pressures, adding depth to the narrative.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of showcasing the characters' daily interactions and struggles in Belfast is compelling and provides insight into the societal dynamics and personal challenges faced by the characters. The scene effectively conveys the complexity of their lives and relationships.

Plot: 8

The plot progression in the scene focuses on character interactions and the exploration of themes related to family, community, and identity. The various encounters on Main Street contribute to the overall narrative and character development.

Originality: 8

The scene presents a fresh approach to depicting small-town life and community dynamics. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and original.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed and distinct, each with their own struggles, desires, and conflicts. The interactions between the characters reveal their personalities and motivations, adding depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 7

While there are subtle shifts in the characters' emotions and relationships, the scene primarily focuses on showcasing their daily lives and struggles. The interactions contribute to the characters' development and growth.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to reconnect with his hometown and the people in it. This reflects his deeper need for belonging and acceptance.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to gather information about a horse race. This reflects the immediate circumstances of his return and his involvement in the community.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The scene contains subtle conflicts and tensions, particularly in the interactions between the characters and the societal changes they face. The conflicts add depth to the narrative and drive the character development.

Opposition: 6

The opposition in the scene is subtle but present in the conflicting views and attitudes of the characters, adding depth to the interactions.

High Stakes: 8

The scene conveys the high stakes faced by the characters in Belfast, from personal struggles to societal changes. The interactions on Main Street highlight the challenges and pressures they face, adding tension to the narrative.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by providing insight into the characters' lives and relationships. The interactions on Main Street contribute to the overall narrative and character development, adding depth to the story.

Unpredictability: 6

This scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected twists in the characters' conversations and the subtle hints at underlying tensions.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

There is a philosophical conflict between acceptance of change and nostalgia for the past evident in the scene. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs about the town and his place in it.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from tension and distress to hope and playfulness. The characters' struggles and interactions resonate with the audience, creating a strong emotional impact.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is sharp, authentic, and reveals the characters' inner thoughts and emotions. The conversations are engaging and provide insight into the characters' relationships and conflicts.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the lively and natural interactions between the characters, drawing the audience into the small-town world.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and revealing character dynamics through the natural flow of dialogue and interactions.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a dialogue-heavy interaction scene in a screenplay.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a small-town setting, with interactions between characters driving the narrative forward.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures a moment of normalcy amidst chaos, showcasing the community's resilience and camaraderie. However, the dialogue feels somewhat light and lacks the emotional weight that could enhance the gravity of the situation. Given the backdrop of violence and displacement, the characters' interactions could reflect deeper concerns or fears about their circumstances.
  • The character of Pa is portrayed as likable and engaging, but his interactions could benefit from more depth. For instance, while he jokes with Mrs. Ford and Mr. Stewart, it would be impactful to see a moment where he expresses his own worries about the community's state or his family's safety, adding layers to his character.
  • The introduction of Frankie West adds a layer of tension, but his dialogue could be more impactful. Instead of a general statement about the plight of Catholics, a more personal anecdote or a specific example of hardship could ground his comment and resonate more with the audience.
  • The pacing of the scene feels a bit rushed. While the light banter is enjoyable, it might be beneficial to slow down the dialogue to allow for more emotional resonance. Pa's interactions could be interspersed with moments of reflection or concern, creating a contrast between the lightheartedness and the underlying tension of their reality.
  • The visual elements are somewhat standard. To enhance the scene, consider incorporating more vivid descriptions of the setting that reflect the mood—perhaps the barricade could be described in a way that emphasizes its significance, or the expressions of the characters could convey their underlying fears.
Suggestions
  • Incorporate moments of silence or pauses in the dialogue to allow characters to reflect on their situation, enhancing the emotional weight of the scene.
  • Add a line or two where Pa expresses concern about the safety of his family or the community, which would deepen his character and provide context for his lighthearted banter.
  • Revise Frankie West's dialogue to include a personal story or a specific example of hardship that illustrates the struggles faced by the community, making his character more relatable and impactful.
  • Consider slowing down the pacing of the dialogue to allow for more emotional depth, perhaps by adding reactions or thoughts from Pa between exchanges.
  • Enhance the visual descriptions of the setting to reflect the mood and atmosphere, such as the state of the barricade or the expressions of the characters, to create a more immersive experience for the audience.



Scene 37 -  A Father's Guidance
103 INT. BUDDY'S HOUSE DAY 103

BUDDY and WILL are in the living room playing. The TV is on, but they’re not watching.

TV REPORTER (V.O.)
The prize capture was a tanker laden with two and half
thousand gallons of petrol. They’d also taken dozens of
crates of milk bottles from a passing truck and dubbed
the whole enterprise the ‘petrol bomb factory’. Later
troops recaptured the tanker with most of its load.
untapped...

PA and MA sit at the dining table in the kitchen.

PA
What do you want me to do?

MA
You need to talk to them boys.


104 EXT. BUDDY’S BACKYARD DAY 104

PA making wooden Christmas presents. Sanding the wood. He is talking to WILL, working
quietly as he does so. BUDDY sees them through the kitchen window. They are unaware
that he is watching them.

PA
How many was there?

WILL
About ten o’ them.

PA
An’ what did your cousin do?


WILL
He’ said ‘e wasn’t joining anythin’ they belonged to,
and then ‘e gave the big one a dig on the gob, an’ run
like hell. So did I.

PA
Did they chase you?

WILL
Aye but we got a street ahead o’them an then we
ran in d’ m’ Uncle Tony’s, before they’d turned the
corner, before they could see us. We put the heart
across m’ Uncle Tony. ‘E was on the toilet, doin his
horses an ‘e dropped his pencil down the loo.

PA
You’ve delivered for these boys, before, Aye?

WILL nods. Frightened.

PA (CONT'D)
You know it’s not milk they’re puttin’ back in them
empty bottles?

WILL
We do now, Daddy.

Beat.

PA
You did right to tell me.

He flips a piece of wood.

PA (CONT'D)
Come and hold this son?
Hold that there.

The two work together on the wood. BUDDY watches.

PA (CONT'D)
You got that?

WILL
Mh-mh.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary In this scene, Buddy and Will play in the living room while a TV reporter discusses a dangerous incident involving a tanker. Pa, in the kitchen, expresses concern about some boys, leading to a conversation with Will in the backyard. Will shares his experience of being chased by a group of boys, and Pa reassures him about the importance of honesty and safety. As they work on wooden Christmas presents together, the tension of the earlier conversation gives way to a moment of bonding and support.
Strengths
  • Authentic dialogue
  • Emotional depth
  • Character relationships
Weaknesses
  • Limited external action
  • Lack of visual variety

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively portrays the tension and emotional complexity within the family, providing insight into the characters' motivations and relationships. The dialogue and interactions feel authentic and engaging, drawing the audience into the family's struggles.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring family dynamics and loyalty in the face of external threats is effectively conveyed in the scene. The focus on relationships and trust adds depth to the characters and sets up future conflicts.

Plot: 8

The plot progression in the scene revolves around the family dynamics and the impact of external influences on the characters. It sets up future conflicts and developments while providing insight into the characters' motivations and relationships.

Originality: 8

The scene presents a fresh take on the theme of family loyalty and criminal involvement, with authentic dialogue and realistic character actions.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed and nuanced, with Pa, Ma, and their children displaying complex emotions and relationships. The scene effectively showcases their loyalty, fears, and struggles, adding depth to the narrative.

Character Changes: 8

The scene showcases subtle changes in the characters' dynamics and emotions, particularly in Pa, Ma, and their children. It sets the stage for future developments and challenges, hinting at potential growth and conflicts.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to protect his son and ensure his safety in the face of dangerous situations. This reflects his deeper need for family unity and safety.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to understand the extent of his son's involvement in criminal activities and to guide him towards making better choices. This reflects the immediate challenge of dealing with his son's risky behavior.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The scene contains a moderate level of conflict, primarily revolving around the family's internal struggles and the impact of external pressures on their relationships. It sets up tensions and challenges for the characters to navigate.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, as the protagonist is faced with conflicting values and difficult decisions regarding his son's actions.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are moderately high in the scene, as the family grapples with loyalty, trust, and the impact of external threats on their relationships. The potential consequences of their actions add tension and complexity to the narrative.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by delving into the family dynamics and setting up future conflicts and challenges for the characters. It provides essential insights into the characters' motivations and relationships, driving the narrative forward.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because the audience is unsure of how the protagonist will react to his son's confession and what consequences will follow.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the protagonist's values of honesty and family loyalty conflicting with the criminal activities his son is involved in. This challenges his beliefs about right and wrong.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene has a strong emotional impact, eliciting feelings of tension, concern, and empathy for the characters' struggles. The nuanced performances and authentic interactions enhance the emotional depth of the scene.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue in the scene is authentic and engaging, capturing the emotional depth of the characters' interactions. It effectively conveys the tensions and concerns within the family, adding layers to the relationships and conflicts.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the emotional stakes involved and the tension between the characters. The audience is invested in the outcome of the conversation.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and allowing for emotional moments to land. The rhythm of the dialogue adds to the scene's impact.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with clear scene headings and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a dramatic family interaction, with clear character motivations and conflict.


Critique
  • The scene effectively juxtaposes the innocence of Buddy and Will's play with the harsh realities of their environment, as indicated by the TV report about the petrol bomb factory. This contrast highlights the children's naivety and the looming dangers of their world, which is a strong thematic element.
  • The dialogue between Pa and Will is natural and captures the father-son dynamic well. However, the dialogue could benefit from more emotional depth. While the conversation conveys the seriousness of the situation, it lacks a sense of urgency or fear that might be present in such a dangerous context.
  • The scene's pacing is somewhat uneven. The transition from the TV report to the backyard conversation feels abrupt. A smoother transition could enhance the flow, perhaps by incorporating Buddy's reaction to the report before shifting to the backyard.
  • The visual element of Buddy watching through the kitchen window is a powerful image that symbolizes his innocence and separation from the adult world. However, this moment could be expanded to show Buddy's emotional response to what he sees, adding depth to his character and the scene.
  • The use of the phrase 'petrol bomb factory' is impactful, but it could be further emphasized in the dialogue or through Buddy's reaction to the news. This would help to underline the gravity of the situation and its implications for the characters.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment where Buddy reacts to the TV report, perhaps expressing confusion or fear, to deepen the emotional impact of the scene.
  • Enhance the dialogue between Pa and Will by incorporating more emotional stakes. For example, Pa could express concern for Will's safety or share a personal story about his own childhood fears.
  • Smooth the transition between the TV report and the backyard scene by including a brief moment of silence or a shared glance between Buddy and Will, indicating their awareness of the danger outside.
  • Expand on the visual of Buddy watching through the window by including his internal thoughts or feelings, which could provide insight into his character and the innocence he is losing.
  • Consider using more vivid language in the dialogue to convey the seriousness of the situation. For instance, Pa could use more explicit language about the dangers of the boys' actions, reinforcing the stakes involved.



Scene 38 -  Dreams of Sydney
105 INT. BUDDY'S HOUSE DAY 105

MA is on the sofa, reading the ‘Sydney’ Brochure and listening to the radio.

RADIO REPORTER (V.O.)
...amid more city-wide violence overnight, government
figures issued today reveal that Northern Ireland now
has the highest rate of unemployment in the UK...

BUDDY, WILL and PA are gathered round the kitchen table.

BUDDY is working on his Moon Landing project.

PA looks at BUDDY’s globe and newspaper cuttings. There are several iterations of Planet
Earth, and views of the globe. He points to one.

PA
Here it is. Planet Earth.
D’ya know where that is?

BUDDY shakes his head.

PA (CONT'D)
Sydney.

WILL
Australia?

PA
That’s right. Do you know about it?

WILL
Aye. They’ve got surfing and weird football, an they
have kangaroos on the barbecue. An the weather’s
good. An’ young Joe Turner’s down there too.

PA
That’s right. How d’ya fancy that?

WILL
What?

PA
Movin’ over there for a wee while.

WILL
Yer jokin’?


PA
(indicating the globe)
No, it’s just down the side a wee bit.

BUDDY follows his finger from the UK, down the Globe to Sydney.

MA gets up from the sofa, walks to the kitchen and throws the brochure on the table.

MA
It’s ten an’ a half thousan’ miles.

WILL starts to look at the snazzy pictures, fired up. PA looks at MA. BUDDY watches them
all. Silence.

MA (CONT'D)
C’mon you two, school. Now.

WILL gets up, leaves, takes the brochure with him. BUDDY takes his papers and cuttings,
and starts to put them carefully in his bag. He can see through to the backyard, and hear
the quiet voices.

MA (CONT'D)
We might as well be goin’ to the bloody moon if we
go down there.

PA
Sure y’ve already family there.

MA
One second cousin.

PA
An’ you’ve the phone.

MA
A millionaire d’ pay the bills?

PA
An we could take trips back.

MA
Paid for with what? Scotch Mist?

PA
Family could come over for holidays.


MA
I didn’t come up the loch in a bubble. There’s no one
from here could afford the fares to get out there or
the time off work, if they had any work - you just
heard the bloody news.

PA
We have to do somethin’.

MA
This is our home.

They see BUDDY staring at them from the room.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary In Buddy's house, Ma reads a brochure about Sydney while listening to a radio report on Northern Ireland's issues. Buddy, Will, and Pa discuss the possibility of moving to Sydney for Buddy's Moon Landing project. Pa is optimistic, highlighting family connections and the allure of Australia, while Will excitedly mentions surfing and kangaroos. Ma, however, remains practical, emphasizing the distance and financial challenges, asserting that their home is in Northern Ireland. The scene captures the tension between hope and reality, leaving Buddy uncertain as Ma firmly stands her ground.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Compelling character dynamics
  • Authentic dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Limited external conflict
  • Lack of resolution in the scene

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys the family's internal conflicts and the weight of their decisions, creating a tense and emotional atmosphere. The dialogue and interactions between the characters are compelling, drawing the audience into their struggles.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring the family's contemplation of moving to Australia is compelling and adds depth to the characters and their relationships. It introduces a significant decision that will likely impact the story's progression.

Plot: 8

The plot advances as the family discusses the possibility of moving, revealing their financial struggles and emotional conflicts. It sets up potential future developments and adds layers to the characters' motivations.

Originality: 8.5

The scene introduces a fresh perspective on the challenges faced by working-class families in Northern Ireland and explores the idea of seeking a better life in a different country.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed, each showcasing their unique perspectives and emotions regarding the potential move. Their interactions and reactions add depth to the scene and highlight the family dynamics effectively.

Character Changes: 7

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the family's contemplation of moving to Australia hints at potential shifts in their dynamics and individual growth in future developments.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to find a sense of belonging and security in a world filled with uncertainty and economic hardship.

External Goal: 7.5

The protagonist's external goal is to navigate the challenges of their current economic situation and potentially explore the idea of moving to Australia for a better life.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict in the scene is primarily internal, revolving around the family's decision to potentially move to Australia. It creates tension and emotional stakes, driving the characters' actions and decisions.

Opposition: 7.5

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the characters facing economic challenges and the dilemma of whether to stay or seek a better life elsewhere.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high as the family grapples with the decision to potentially uproot their lives and move to Australia. The financial struggles and emotional turmoil add weight to their choices, impacting their future.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing a significant decision point for the family and setting up potential future conflicts and developments. It adds depth to the narrative and hints at upcoming challenges.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because it introduces the idea of moving to Australia as a potential solution to the characters' challenges, creating uncertainty and tension.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict revolves around the idea of staying rooted in one's home and community versus seeking opportunities and a better life elsewhere.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes a strong emotional response from the audience, portraying the family's struggles and hopes with authenticity. The characters' vulnerabilities and uncertainties resonate, creating a poignant and impactful moment.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is poignant and reflective of the characters' inner turmoil, conveying their anxieties and hopes. It drives the emotional impact of the scene and enhances the audience's connection to the characters.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it effectively conveys the characters' struggles and desires, building tension and conflict through authentic dialogue and actions.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension and conflict through authentic dialogue and actions, keeping the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre with clear scene descriptions, character actions, and dialogue.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre by setting up the characters' internal and external goals, introducing a philosophical conflict, and building tension through authentic dialogue and actions.


Critique
  • The scene effectively juxtaposes the domestic concerns of the family with the broader socio-political issues in Northern Ireland, creating a rich context for the characters' discussions. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtext to deepen the emotional stakes. For instance, while Ma's resistance to moving is clear, exploring her fears or memories tied to their home could enhance the audience's connection to her character.
  • The pacing of the scene feels slightly rushed, particularly in the transition from the playful banter about Sydney to the more serious discussion about their home. Allowing for a moment of silence or a visual cue that emphasizes the weight of Ma's words could create a more impactful emotional shift.
  • While the dialogue is generally engaging, some lines feel a bit on-the-nose, particularly Ma's line about not coming up the loch in a bubble. This could be rephrased to sound more natural and less like a cliché. Authenticity in dialogue is crucial for maintaining the audience's immersion in the characters' lives.
  • The scene's visual elements, such as the globe and the brochure, are effective in illustrating the conversation about moving to Sydney. However, incorporating more sensory details—like the sounds of the radio report or the atmosphere in the kitchen—could enhance the scene's overall immersion and emotional resonance.
  • The ending of the scene, where Buddy is seen staring at his parents, is a strong visual moment. However, it could be strengthened by giving Buddy a line or a reaction that encapsulates his feelings about the discussion, providing a clearer emotional anchor for the audience.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment of reflection for Ma that reveals her deeper fears about leaving Belfast, perhaps through a memory or a more personal anecdote that connects her to their home.
  • Slow down the pacing slightly during the transition from light-hearted banter to serious discussion. A brief pause or a visual cue could help emphasize the emotional weight of the conversation.
  • Revise Ma's dialogue to avoid clichés and make it sound more authentic. For example, instead of saying she didn't come up the loch in a bubble, she could express her skepticism in a more personal way that reflects her character.
  • Incorporate more sensory details to create a richer atmosphere. Describe the sounds of the radio report or the smells coming from the kitchen to enhance the scene's immersion.
  • Give Buddy a line or a reaction at the end of the scene that reflects his feelings about the discussion, providing a clearer emotional anchor for the audience and highlighting the impact of the conversation on him.



Scene 39 -  Family Ties in Grove Park
106 EXT. GROVE PARK DAY 106

Friday afternoon. After school. After work. The family and MOIRA are in the park. Playing
netball and throwing pitches, jumping in the sandpit.

MUSIC - “Day’s Like These” by Van Morrison

WILL has a ball balanced on his head.

WILL
I hope you’re feeling confident Daddy.

PA
Don’t worry.

He performs a super accurate William Tell apple removal from WILL’s head. Applause.

The whole extended family are now in the park. Sandwiches, and thermoses. An informal
game of Netball. PA and MACKIE enthusiastic. They cheat and foul BUDDY and WILL.

MA and AUNTIE VIOLET watch from the sidelines.

VIOLET
He’s away the night again?

MA
He can’t neglect his work.

VIOLET
Sure there’s work here.

MA
Have you read the papers?


VIOLET
You’d break my heart d’leave, but you have to think
of them.

They look at the kids playing.

MA
We can’t all leave. There’d be nobody left but the
nutters.

VIOLET
Aye, an’ nobody d’ cook their tea, run messages, an’
wipe their arses, so that would make the violence
stop in about ten minutes.

Beat.

MA
How could I leave Belfast?

VIOLET
I wouldn worry about it. The Irish were born for
leavin. Otherwise the rest o the world’d have no
pubs. It just needs half us to stay so that the other
half can get sentimental about the ones that went. All
the Irish need to survive is a phone, a Guinness, and
the sheet music for Danny Boy.

MA
You’re a terrible woman, you know that?

She leans over and holds VIOLET’s hand.
Genres: ["Drama","Family"]

Summary On a Friday afternoon in Grove Park, Will showcases his playful spirit by balancing a ball on his head, while his father, Pa, impressively removes it, earning applause from the family. The extended family enjoys a lively game of netball, filled with playful cheating and camaraderie. Amidst the fun, Ma and Auntie Violet share a heartfelt conversation about the challenges of leaving Belfast for better opportunities, reflecting on their emotional ties to their community. Their moment of connection, marked by hand-holding, highlights the bittersweet complexities of family life.
Strengths
  • Authentic character interactions
  • Blend of reflection and playfulness
  • Nostalgic atmosphere
Weaknesses
  • Low conflict level
  • Lack of major plot progression

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively portrays a mix of emotions and relationships within the family, creating a nostalgic and reflective atmosphere while also incorporating playful elements. The dialogue and interactions feel authentic, adding depth to the characters and their dynamics.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of showcasing a family gathering in the park, blending reflective moments with playful interactions, is well-executed. It provides insight into the characters' lives and relationships while highlighting the setting of Belfast.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene revolves around the family enjoying a day in the park, with moments of playfulness and reflection. While there is no major conflict, the scene focuses on character dynamics and relationships, moving the story forward in terms of character development.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh perspective on family dynamics and societal expectations, with authentic character actions and dialogue that feel relatable and engaging.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters are well-developed, with distinct personalities and interactions that feel authentic. The family members each have their unique traits and dynamics, adding depth to the scene and enhancing the overall portrayal of family relationships.

Character Changes: 6

While there are no significant character changes in the scene, the interactions and dynamics between the family members hint at underlying emotions and relationships that could lead to future developments.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to reconcile the conflict between family obligations and personal desires. This reflects their deeper need for balance and fulfillment in both aspects of their life.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to enjoy a family gathering and bond with loved ones. This reflects the immediate circumstances of spending quality time together and creating memories.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 4

The scene has a low level of conflict, focusing more on family dynamics and relationships rather than external conflicts. The tension comes from the characters' interactions and emotions rather than external threats.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create tension and conflict, with characters facing internal and external challenges that drive the narrative forward.

High Stakes: 3

The stakes in the scene are relatively low, focusing more on personal relationships and interactions within the family. While there are hints of tension and underlying emotions, there are no immediate high-stakes situations.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward in terms of character development and relationships, providing insight into the family dynamics and setting the stage for potential conflicts or resolutions in the future.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected humor and depth in the characters' interactions, adding layers to the family gathering and societal commentary.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between duty and personal fulfillment. The protagonist struggles with the societal expectation of prioritizing work over family, while also desiring to spend time with loved ones.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene has a strong emotional impact, evoking feelings of nostalgia, affection, and resignation. The moments of reflection and playfulness resonate with the audience, creating a heartfelt and engaging atmosphere.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue in the scene is natural and engaging, reflecting the relationships and dynamics within the family. It captures both playful banter and reflective moments, adding depth to the characters and their interactions.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the relatable family dynamics, witty dialogue, and underlying conflict that keeps the audience invested in the characters' relationships and struggles.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by balancing dialogue, action, and reflection, creating a natural flow that keeps the audience engaged and interested in the characters' journey.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with proper scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a family gathering setting, with a clear introduction, character interactions, and a philosophical conflict that drives the narrative forward.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures a moment of familial bonding and community spirit, showcasing the characters' interactions in a light-hearted manner. However, the dialogue between Ma and Auntie Violet could benefit from more subtext to deepen the emotional stakes. While they discuss the possibility of leaving Belfast, the conversation feels somewhat surface-level and could explore their fears and hopes more profoundly.
  • The use of humor in Violet's lines adds a nice touch, but it risks undermining the gravity of the situation. The juxtaposition of light-hearted banter with the serious topic of leaving Belfast could be more balanced. Consider allowing moments of vulnerability to shine through, especially in Ma's responses, to create a more poignant contrast.
  • The scene transitions from playful activities to a serious discussion about leaving, which is a significant thematic element. However, the shift feels abrupt. A smoother transition could enhance the flow of the scene. Perhaps incorporating a moment where the children’s laughter fades as the adults' conversation becomes more serious would help.
  • The visual elements of the park setting are engaging, but they could be used more effectively to reflect the emotional undertones of the dialogue. For instance, showing the children playing joyfully while the adults discuss leaving could symbolize the innocence that is at stake, heightening the emotional impact of their conversation.
  • The ending, where Ma holds Violet's hand, is a sweet moment that conveys connection, but it could be more impactful if it were preceded by a moment of silence or reflection on their conversation. This would allow the audience to absorb the weight of their discussion before transitioning back to the children's play.
Suggestions
  • Enhance the dialogue between Ma and Auntie Violet by incorporating more emotional depth and subtext. Allow them to express their fears and hopes regarding leaving Belfast more explicitly.
  • Balance the humor in Violet's lines with moments of vulnerability from Ma to maintain the emotional weight of the scene. Consider allowing Ma to express her fears about leaving in a more heartfelt manner.
  • Create a smoother transition from the playful activities to the serious discussion by incorporating a moment where the children's laughter fades, signaling the shift in tone.
  • Utilize the park setting to visually reflect the emotional stakes of the conversation. Show the children playing joyfully while the adults discuss leaving, emphasizing what is at risk.
  • Consider adding a moment of silence or reflection after the serious conversation before the scene ends, allowing the audience to absorb the emotional weight of the discussion.



Scene 40 -  Bittersweet Farewells
107 EXT. BUDDY’S HOUSE EVENING 107

The large family group draped around the house continues the festivities. MACKIE and
others are saying cheerio to PA like he’s going to war. VIOLET is singing ‘Danny Boy’. WILL
is talking with his peers.

PA
(to VIOLET)
See you soon ok?

He kisses VIOLET on the head. She is still singing.

MA gets up from the sofa where she’s sitting with VIOLET. She says goodbye to MACKIE.


MA
You take care.

MACKIE
Come on now Mrs. We must go as well...come on
now.

He tries to pull VIOLET up, but struggles.

MACKIE (CONT'D)
Alright, I give in.

And sits down next to VIOLET, who is still singing.

MACKIE (CONT'D)
Violet, can I ask you a question?

MA, PA and BUDDY walk away in the background.

VIOLET
What?

MACKIE
What did you do with the money?

VIOLET
What money?

MACKIE
The money your Ma gave you for singing lessons?


108 EXT. BELFAST CITY VIEW DAY 108
Genres: ["Drama","Family"]

Summary During an evening family gathering at Buddy's house, PA affectionately bids farewell to VIOLET as she sings 'Danny Boy'. MA shows care for both VIOLET and MACKIE, who attempts to coax VIOLET to leave but ultimately sits beside her. MACKIE's inquiry about the money for VIOLET's singing lessons introduces a moment of curiosity and tension, leaving the scene with an unresolved question as the gathering comes to a close.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Authentic family dynamics
  • Heartfelt performances
Weaknesses
  • Limited plot progression
  • Subtle conflicts

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys a sense of emotional depth and family dynamics, drawing the audience into the characters' inner thoughts and feelings.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of bidding farewell and reflecting on family ties is well-developed and resonates with the audience, providing a poignant insight into the characters' relationships and emotions.

Plot: 7.5

While the plot progression is subtle in this scene, it serves as a pivotal moment for character development and emotional depth, setting the stage for future interactions and conflicts within the family.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh take on family dynamics and personal conflicts, with authentic dialogue and nuanced character motivations.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters are richly portrayed, each displaying unique personalities and emotional complexities that add depth to the scene. The interactions between family members feel authentic and engaging.

Character Changes: 7

The scene subtly hints at potential character growth and shifts in relationships, setting the stage for future developments within the family dynamics.

Internal Goal: 8

Violet's internal goal is to maintain her sense of identity and independence while navigating her family's expectations and pressures.

External Goal: 7.5

Violet's external goal is to navigate the conversation with Mackie about the money for singing lessons without revealing her true feelings or intentions.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 5

While there are subtle tensions and unspoken conflicts within the family dynamics, the scene primarily focuses on emotional depth and reflection rather than overt conflicts.

Opposition: 7.5

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create conflict and tension, keeping the audience engaged and uncertain about the outcome.

High Stakes: 4

The stakes in the scene are more emotional and personal, focusing on the bonds and tensions within the family rather than external conflicts or high-risk situations.

Story Forward: 6

While the scene may not significantly propel the main plot forward, it deepens the audience's understanding of the characters and sets the emotional tone for future events.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the subtle shifts in power dynamics and emotional revelations between characters.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict is between Violet's desire for independence and Mackie's concern for her well-being and future. This challenges Violet's beliefs about her own agency and autonomy.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes a strong emotional response from the audience, capturing the bittersweet moments of departure and reflection within a family setting.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the unspoken emotions and underlying tensions between the characters, adding layers to their interactions and relationships.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the emotional tension between characters and the subtle reveals of their inner conflicts.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene builds tension effectively through character interactions and reveals, contributing to its emotional impact.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene is formatted correctly, with clear scene headings and character actions, following the expected format for a screenplay.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a natural flow of conversation and character movements, adhering to the expected structure for a family drama genre.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures a familial atmosphere, showcasing the warmth and camaraderie among the characters. However, the dialogue lacks a sense of urgency or emotional weight, which could enhance the stakes of the moment. Given the context of the story, where tensions are high due to the surrounding violence, the scene could benefit from a more palpable sense of impending change or loss.
  • Violet's singing of 'Danny Boy' is a poignant choice, as it resonates with themes of longing and nostalgia. However, the scene does not fully explore the emotional implications of this song within the context of the family's situation. It would be beneficial to highlight how the song affects the characters' emotions, perhaps through their reactions or interactions during the performance.
  • Mackie's inquiry about the money for singing lessons introduces an interesting subplot, but it feels somewhat disconnected from the main emotional arc of the scene. This moment could be better integrated into the overall narrative, perhaps by linking it to Violet's aspirations or the family's financial struggles, thereby deepening the audience's understanding of her character.
  • The physical actions in the scene, such as Mackie struggling to pull Violet up, add a layer of visual comedy, but they could also serve to emphasize the emotional weight of the moment. For instance, if Mackie were to express frustration or concern about Violet's reluctance to leave, it could enhance the tension and highlight the difficulty of saying goodbye.
  • The transition to the next scene feels abrupt. A more gradual shift, perhaps through a lingering shot on the family or a final line of dialogue that encapsulates the mood, could provide a smoother transition and leave the audience with a stronger emotional impact.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more emotional depth to the dialogue, perhaps by incorporating reflections on the family's situation or the uncertainty of the future, which would resonate with the audience given the context of the story.
  • Explore Violet's character further by showing her emotional response to singing 'Danny Boy.' This could be achieved through close-ups or reactions from other characters, emphasizing the song's significance in the moment.
  • Integrate Mackie's question about the money into the emotional fabric of the scene. Perhaps he could express concern for Violet's future or aspirations, linking it to the family's financial struggles.
  • Enhance the physical comedy of Mackie's struggle with Violet by adding dialogue that reflects his frustration or concern, thereby deepening the emotional stakes of the scene.
  • Create a more seamless transition to the next scene by including a final moment that encapsulates the mood, such as a lingering shot on the family or a poignant line that reflects their situation.



Scene 41 -  A Cup of Tea and Care
109 INT. GRANNY’S HOUSE END OF DAY 109

GRANNY and POP sit by the window. Cup of tea.

POP
Everybody’s leavin’ home.

GRANNY
People have to move on.

POP
“too long a sacrifice can make a stone of the heart”.


GRANNY
Is that what does it?

POP
Yea, well you don’t usually buy your wisdom with a
walk in the park. Your heart has to explode.

GRANNY
Mr Philosopher. When did your heart ever explode?

POP
That time I saw you in those brown stockings.

GRANNY
(Laughing)
Holy God. I remember that. It took me half the day
staining my legs brown with tobacco water, and then
our Annie took half the night to draw the seam
down the back of my legs with a pencil. You couldn’t
understand why you couldn’t get your hands round
them. You thought it was magic.

POP
It was magic. When you’ve grey hair
people think your heart never skipped.

GRANNY
Did yours ever skip?

POP
Aye, it danced a bloody jig everytime you walked in
the room.

GRANNY
Ach you were full of it then, you’re full of it now.

POP
C’mon, we may get on.
Jim Harper said he’d drive me up to the hospital in
the mornin.

GRANNY
And I told him he would not.
I’m takin you on the bus. I’m walkin you in , and when
they’re done you can be bloody sure, I’m walkin you
back out again.

A beat.


GRANNY (CONT'D)
Do you hear me? I’m walkin’ you home. Do you hear
me?

POP
Yea, I hear you Mrs., Sure when did I not?

POP coughs. GRANNY watches him.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary Granny and Pop share a cozy moment by the window, reminiscing about life and love over tea. Pop expresses feelings of loss as loved ones leave home, while Granny pragmatically acknowledges the need for change. Their playful banter reveals their deep bond, particularly a fond memory of Granny's brown stockings. As the conversation shifts to Pop's upcoming hospital visit, Granny insists on accompanying him, showcasing her determination to care for him despite his desire for independence. The scene captures their affectionate relationship, ending with Granny's firm commitment to walk Pop home after his visit.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Authentic dialogue
  • Strong character development
Weaknesses
  • Low conflict level
  • Limited plot progression

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9.2

The scene is beautifully crafted, with poignant dialogue and a strong emotional impact. The interaction between Granny and Pop is heartwarming and authentic, drawing the audience into their relationship.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of exploring the relationship between Granny and Pop through a reflective conversation is powerful. It delves into themes of love, memory, and connection, resonating with the audience on an emotional level.

Plot: 8.5

While the scene doesn't drive the main plot forward significantly, it adds depth to the characters and their relationships. The focus on Granny and Pop's history enriches the overall narrative, providing context and emotional resonance.

Originality: 8

The scene offers a fresh approach to the themes of love and aging, with authentic character interactions and witty dialogue that feel original and engaging.


Character Development

Characters: 9.5

Granny and Pop are well-developed characters with a strong emotional presence. Their interactions feel genuine and heartfelt, showcasing their depth and complexity as individuals with a shared history.

Character Changes: 3

While there are no significant character changes in the scene, it deepens the audience's understanding of Granny and Pop's relationship. It reinforces their bond and history, enriching their characters and the overall narrative.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to reminisce about past memories and express affection towards Granny. This reflects their deeper desire for connection, love, and emotional fulfillment.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to prepare for a hospital visit, showcasing their immediate circumstances and challenges related to health and aging.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 2

The scene is low on conflict, focusing more on emotional depth and reflection. The tension comes from the underlying emotions and history between Granny and Pop, rather than external conflicts.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is subtle yet impactful, adding tension and conflict to the characters' interactions and keeping the audience intrigued about the outcome.

High Stakes: 3

The stakes in the scene are low, focusing more on emotional depth and reflection. The tension comes from the underlying emotions and history between Granny and Pop, rather than high-stakes conflicts.

Story Forward: 6

The scene doesn't move the main plot forward significantly, but it adds depth and complexity to the characters and their relationships. It provides important context and emotional resonance, enhancing the overall narrative.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable in its emotional twists and turns, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the characters' journey.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict revolves around the themes of love, aging, and memory. It challenges the protagonist's beliefs about the passage of time, the importance of relationships, and the impact of memories on the heart.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9.5

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking feelings of nostalgia, love, and affection. The tender moments between Granny and Pop resonate with the audience, creating a heartfelt connection and emotional response.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is the heart of the scene, capturing the essence of Granny and Pop's relationship. It is poignant, nostalgic, and filled with affection, revealing the depth of their connection and shared memories.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its emotional depth, witty dialogue, and relatable themes of love and memory that resonate with the audience.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene enhances its effectiveness by allowing for moments of reflection, humor, and emotional resonance to unfold naturally, keeping the audience engaged and invested.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character actions that enhance the visual storytelling.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a natural flow of conversation, with well-paced dialogue and character interactions that contribute to its effectiveness.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the warmth and humor of Granny and Pop's relationship, showcasing their banter and shared history. This adds depth to their characters and provides a moment of levity amidst the overarching themes of loss and change in the screenplay.
  • The dialogue is rich and engaging, with a natural flow that feels authentic to the characters. The use of humor, particularly in the exchange about Granny's brown stockings, adds a layer of nostalgia and affection that resonates with the audience.
  • The thematic elements of moving on and the emotional weight of leaving home are well integrated into the conversation. Pop's quote about sacrifice and the heart adds a poignant touch, reflecting the broader context of the family's struggles and the impact of the socio-political environment on personal lives.
  • However, the scene could benefit from a stronger visual element to enhance the emotional weight. While the dialogue is strong, the setting of Granny's house could be described in more detail to create a vivid backdrop that complements the conversation.
  • The pacing of the scene is generally good, but it could be tightened slightly to maintain engagement. Some lines, while humorous, could be trimmed to keep the focus on the central themes of love, care, and the inevitability of change.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more visual descriptions of Granny's house and the surrounding environment to create a richer atmosphere that reflects the emotional tone of the scene.
  • Tighten the dialogue by removing any lines that may feel redundant or overly lengthy, ensuring that each line serves to advance the character development or thematic elements.
  • Incorporate subtle physical actions or gestures from Granny and Pop that reflect their emotions during the conversation, such as Granny's concern for Pop's health or Pop's affectionate glances, to enhance the emotional depth.
  • Explore the possibility of introducing a brief moment of silence or reflection after a particularly poignant line, allowing the weight of the conversation to resonate with the audience before moving on.
  • Consider ending the scene with a visual cue or sound that symbolizes the themes of departure or change, such as the sound of a bus or a distant siren, to create a more impactful transition to the next scene.



Scene 42 -  A Bittersweet Farewell
110 EXT. BUS STOP SUNSET 110

BUDDY waiting outside the bus. He is aware that MA and PA are having a moment in the
parked number 42 Bus

BUS DRIVER (O.S.)
Aldergrove bus is going in three minutes. Last tickets
now.

PA
The Boss’s been in touch direct. They want me to
stay on. A permanent job in England. Wantin’ me to
move into management. It’s more money.
There’s a house that goes with it. We get it rent free.
With a chance to own it, if things go well.
A wee bit bigger than we have here. A room for
each for the boys. There’s a wee garden too.

From outside the bus:

BUDDY
Are y’ allowed to play football in that garden, Daddy?

PA
Aye, son.
(Back to MA)
If I say yes, there’d be more money straight away.
We could start gettin on top o’ the back tax now.

A look between them.

PA (CONT'D)
This family’s not gonna get another chance like that in
this town. Not now.

MA
(to BUDDY)
Watch out for that that traffic there.


BUDDY
I’m watching it now Mommy, it’s ok.

BUS DRIVER (O.S.)
Come now, two minutes. Get onboard if you’re
coming. Last tickets now.

MA
It sounds like they really want you.
What d’ you want?

PA
I want my family with me.
I want you.

MA
You an me, we have known each other since we
were toddlers. We’ve known this street, and every
street round it, all our lives, an every man, woman, an’
chil’ that lives in every bloody house, whether we like
it or not.
I like it.
An’ y’ say you’ve a wee garden for them boys? But
here they can play where the hell they like, cos
everybody knows them, everybody likes them, and
everybody looks after them.
If we go over the water, them people’s not gonna
undestan’ a word we say, an’ half o’ them’ll take the
hand outta us for soundin’ different.
The o’r half, they’ll hate us cos men here are killin
their young sons on our streets, an’ they think we
couldn’ give a shite.
Y’ think they’ll welcome us with open arms, an say
‘Come on in, an’ well done for stealin a house off us?’

PA
Things change.

MA
Aye they do.

PA
We need to decide by Christmas. You need to
decide by Christmas.

BUDDY
You’re comin’ back aren’t you Daddy?


PA
You look after your Mommy, and be good. And if you
can’t be good...

BUDDY
...an’ if you can’t be good, be careful.

The driver gets on.

BUS DRIVER
Right off we go to Aldergrove airport, ladies and
gents.

MA leaves the bus and the doors close. PA and MA’s hands ‘touch’ divided by glass.

The bus moves off very slowly. MA walks alongside it.

MA
Give me a ring. Tell me when you’ve got there.

PA makes his way to the back. He waves. She waves.

His face on the bus. Her face in the street. BUDDY’s face.

...and the bus disappears.

MUSIC - “Stranded” by Van Morrison
Genres: ["Drama","Family"]

Summary At a bus stop during sunset, Buddy waits with his mother, Ma, as his father, Pa, prepares to leave for a job opportunity in England. While Pa is excited about the prospect of a better life, Ma expresses her fears about leaving their community and the relationships they've built. Buddy innocently questions the move, highlighting their family's close ties to their current home. The conversation grows tense, reflecting the conflict between Ma's nostalgia and Pa's hope for the future. As the bus departs, Ma and Pa share a poignant moment, touching hands through the window, before the bus disappears, leaving Ma and Buddy behind.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Realistic dialogue
  • Strong performances
  • Symbolic use of the bus
  • Exploration of complex themes
Weaknesses
  • Limited external action
  • Reliance on dialogue for conflict resolution

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9.2

The scene is emotionally charged, with strong performances and a well-crafted dialogue that conveys the internal conflicts and dilemmas faced by the characters. The tension between the desire for a better future and the attachment to the past is palpable, making it a compelling and thought-provoking moment in the story.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of the scene revolves around the theme of choice and its consequences, exploring the complexities of family dynamics and the impact of external opportunities on personal relationships. It effectively conveys the internal struggles and conflicting emotions of the characters.

Plot: 9

The plot of the scene revolves around the family's decision-making process regarding a job opportunity in England, highlighting the conflicting desires and priorities of the characters. It advances the overarching narrative by introducing a crucial turning point that will have significant repercussions for the family.

Originality: 8

The scene offers a fresh perspective on the classic dilemma of choosing between financial stability and emotional attachment. The characters' dialogue feels genuine and relatable, adding authenticity to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 9.2

The characters are well-developed and nuanced, with distinct personalities and motivations that drive their actions and decisions. The interactions between the family members reveal their individual struggles and perspectives, adding depth and complexity to the scene.

Character Changes: 9

The scene showcases subtle but significant changes in the characters' perspectives and priorities, particularly in their attitudes towards the future and their sense of belonging. The decision-making process forces them to confront their fears and desires, leading to personal growth and transformation.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to make a decision that will benefit his family's future while grappling with the emotional attachment to his current life and community.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to decide whether to accept a permanent job offer in England, which would provide financial stability and career advancement.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8.5

The conflict in the scene is primarily internal, revolving around the characters' conflicting desires and priorities. The tension between the promise of a better future in England and the attachment to their current home creates a compelling emotional conflict that drives the narrative forward.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, as the protagonist faces conflicting desires and external pressures that challenge his values and beliefs.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes in the scene are high, as the family must decide between a promising job opportunity in England and the familiarity and community of their current home. The outcome of their decision will have significant implications for their future and relationships, adding tension and drama to the narrative.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by introducing a crucial decision point that will have lasting consequences for the family. It sets the stage for future developments and character arcs, advancing the narrative towards a new direction and raising the stakes for the protagonists.

Unpredictability: 7

The scene is unpredictable due to the protagonist's internal struggle and the uncertainty of his decision, keeping the audience invested in the outcome.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict revolves around the protagonist's loyalty to his roots and community versus the opportunity for a better life and financial security in a new place.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9.5

The scene has a high emotional impact, eliciting feelings of nostalgia, anxiety, and hope in the audience. The poignant moments of reflection and decision-making resonate with the viewers, creating a powerful and memorable experience.

Dialogue: 9.3

The dialogue is poignant and realistic, capturing the emotional turmoil and conflicting viewpoints of the characters. It effectively conveys the internal conflicts and external pressures faced by the family, adding depth and authenticity to the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the emotional conflict and relatable family dynamics that draw the audience into the characters' dilemmas and decisions.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and emotional resonance, allowing the audience to feel the weight of the protagonist's decision.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting adheres to standard screenplay conventions, making the scene easy to follow and visualize for the reader.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a traditional structure for a dramatic moment, building tension and emotional stakes as the protagonist faces a life-changing decision.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the emotional tension between Ma and Pa regarding the potential move to England. The dialogue is rich and reveals their differing perspectives, with Ma's attachment to their current home contrasting sharply with Pa's optimism about the job opportunity. This conflict is relatable and adds depth to their characters.
  • Buddy's presence in the scene serves as a poignant reminder of the family's unity and the impact of their decisions on him. His innocent questions about playing football in the new garden highlight his childlike perspective and the stakes involved in the adult conversation, which adds an emotional layer to the scene.
  • The use of the bus as a physical barrier between Ma and Pa is a strong visual metaphor for their emotional distance and the impending separation. The moment when their hands touch through the glass is particularly powerful, symbolizing both connection and division.
  • The dialogue is generally strong, but some lines could be tightened for clarity and impact. For example, Ma's lengthy monologue about the community could be condensed to maintain the scene's pacing while still conveying her deep-rooted feelings about their home.
  • The scene's pacing is effective, building tension as the bus departure looms. However, the transition to the music at the end feels slightly abrupt. A more gradual build-up to the music could enhance the emotional resonance of the moment.
Suggestions
  • Consider tightening Ma's dialogue to make her points more succinctly while retaining the emotional weight. This will help maintain the scene's pacing and keep the audience engaged.
  • Explore adding a brief moment of silence or a shared look between Ma and Pa after their heated exchange to emphasize the emotional stakes and the weight of their decision.
  • Incorporate more physical actions or gestures from Buddy to further illustrate his emotional state and how he is processing the conversation between his parents. This could enhance the audience's connection to his character.
  • Consider using sound design to build tension leading up to the bus's departure. Subtle background sounds could enhance the atmosphere and foreshadow the emotional impact of the scene.
  • Reflect on the placement of the music cue. A gradual introduction of the song could create a more seamless transition into the emotional climax of the scene, allowing the audience to fully absorb the moment before the music plays.



Scene 43 -  Christmas Concerns
111 EXT. RAIN CLOUDS OVER BELFAST DAY 111


112 EXT. WHITEABBEY HOSPITAL DAY 112

The road up to the Hospital with the sea beyond.

Nurses walking to work.


113 INT. WHITEABBEY HOSPITAL DAY 113

POP, GRANNY, MA and BUDDY around a table. POP in his dressing room and pyjamas
BUDDY doing a jigsaw.

POP
Have y’ wrote d’ Santa?


MA
He has, but Santa’s explained that money’s a bit tight
this year, so he’s not expecting much.

GRANNY
Sure Santa’s plenty of surplus, if you talk to the
people in the know.
Ach yer health’s all you need for a Christmas present.

MA
(teasing Granny)
You’ve got the right woman to cheer y’ up here
haven’t ya, Pop?

GRANNY
Y’ tell yer mammy d’ stop ‘er cheek, or I’m not takin’ y’
d’ see the show.

POP
What show’s that?

MA
I don’t know. I think it’s got Christmas carols in it,
though.

BUDDY roles his eyes.

GRANNY
That’s me waterworks.

GRANNY and MA get up from the table.

MA
(to BUDDY)
You behave yourself. Don’t annoy yer Pop. An’ don’t
be askin for Christmas presents. He’s no money
either. Taxman’s got it, like ours.

She and GRANNY move off down the ward.

POP
Yer don’t worry, your Mammy’ll persuade Santa d’
bring some presents.

BUDDY
Ah don’t think so Pop. Ah always know when
they’ve no money.

POP looks at him.


114 INT. BUDDY’S HOUSE DAY 114

A Man in a tired business suit knocks on the front door.

RENT MAN (O.S.)
Hello? It’s the rent man.

BUDDY
I’LL GET IT MA!

She pulls him back in the living room .They hide behind the sofa. MA searches through the
Rent Book.

RENT MAN (O.S.)
Is your mom in there wee man?

BUDDY
Nobody’s ...

MA covers BUDDY’s mouth with her hand to shut him up.
Genres: ["Drama","Family"]

Summary In a rainy Belfast, Buddy and his family gather at Whiteabbey Hospital, where Pop encourages Buddy to write to Santa despite their financial struggles. Granny humorously suggests that health is the best gift, while Ma tries to reassure Buddy about Christmas presents. The scene shifts to Buddy's house, where they hide from the rent man, highlighting their financial worries and the uncertainty of the holiday season.
Strengths
  • Authentic dialogue
  • Heartwarming family moments
  • Balanced tone
Weaknesses
  • Low external conflict
  • Limited character development in this scene

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively balances humor, warmth, and tension, providing insight into the family dynamics and financial challenges they are facing. The dialogue and interactions feel authentic and engaging, drawing the audience into the characters' world.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring family dynamics, financial struggles, and the holiday season is well-developed in the scene. It provides a glimpse into the characters' lives and challenges, adding depth to the overall narrative.

Plot: 8

The plot revolves around the family's preparations for Christmas amidst financial difficulties, adding layers to the characters and their relationships. It sets the stage for further exploration of their struggles and resilience.

Originality: 8

The scene offers a fresh perspective on the traditional Christmas narrative by focusing on the challenges faced by a family during the holiday season. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds depth and realism to the story.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-defined and relatable, each bringing a unique perspective to the scene. Their interactions feel authentic, adding depth to the family dynamics and emotional resonance.

Character Changes: 7

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the interactions and dialogue hint at the characters' growth and resilience in the face of challenges. It sets the stage for potential development in future scenes.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to provide a sense of security and happiness for his family during Christmas despite financial constraints. This reflects his desire to protect and care for his loved ones.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to maintain a facade of normalcy and happiness for his family, shielding them from the harsh reality of their financial struggles.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

While there is some tension surrounding the family's financial struggles, the conflict is more subtle and internalized within the characters. It adds depth to the scene without overshadowing the heartwarming moments.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create tension and conflict, adding complexity to the family's struggles. The audience is unsure of how the characters will overcome their challenges.

High Stakes: 6

The stakes are relatively low in this scene, focusing more on the family's day-to-day struggles and interactions. While the financial challenges add tension, the scene is more about resilience and togetherness.

Story Forward: 7

The scene provides insight into the family dynamics, financial struggles, and holiday preparations, setting the stage for further exploration of these themes. It moves the story forward by deepening the audience's understanding of the characters.

Unpredictability: 6

This scene is unpredictable in terms of how the family will navigate their financial challenges and maintain their Christmas spirit. The audience is left wondering about the outcome of their situation.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict revolves around the value of material possessions versus the importance of health and family. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs about the true meaning of Christmas and happiness.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from nostalgia and warmth to anxiety and hope. The family's resilience and closeness resonate with the audience, creating a strong emotional impact.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is engaging and realistic, capturing the playful banter, emotional moments, and underlying tension within the family. It effectively conveys the characters' personalities and relationships.

Engagement: 8

This scene is engaging because of its relatable themes, authentic characters, and emotional depth. The audience is drawn into the family's struggles and hopes for a better future.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and emotional resonance, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the characters' journey. The rhythm of the dialogue enhances the scene's impact.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene adheres to the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character actions. The dialogue is formatted correctly, enhancing readability.

Structure: 9

The scene follows a well-defined structure that effectively conveys the emotional and narrative beats. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the scene's effectiveness.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the juxtaposition of familial warmth and the harsh realities of financial struggles, particularly through the dialogue between Pop, Ma, and Granny. This contrast adds depth to the characters and highlights the emotional stakes involved in their lives.
  • The dialogue is engaging and reflects the characters' personalities well. Granny's humor and Pop's gentle demeanor create a light-hearted atmosphere, which is essential for balancing the underlying tension of their financial situation. However, some lines could be tightened for clarity and impact.
  • The transition from the hospital setting to the rent man's arrival is abrupt. While it serves to heighten the tension, it could benefit from a smoother segue that connects the two scenes thematically, perhaps by foreshadowing the financial troubles more explicitly in the hospital scene.
  • BUDDY's role in the scene is somewhat passive, primarily serving as a listener rather than an active participant. While this reflects his youth, giving him a moment of agency or a line that expresses his feelings about the situation could enhance his character development and make the audience more invested in his perspective.
  • The visual elements, such as the hospital setting and the jigsaw puzzle, effectively convey a sense of normalcy amidst chaos. However, incorporating more sensory details (like sounds or smells) could further immerse the audience in the scene and enhance the emotional weight.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment where BUDDY expresses his feelings about Santa and the presents, perhaps through a line that shows his understanding of their financial situation. This could deepen his character and make the audience empathize with him more.
  • To improve the transition to the next scene, you could include a line from MA that hints at the impending arrival of the rent man, creating a sense of foreboding that ties the two scenes together.
  • Tighten some of the dialogue to enhance its impact. For example, consider simplifying Granny's line about Santa's surplus to make it more concise and punchy.
  • Incorporate more sensory details to enrich the scene. Describe the sounds of the hospital, the smell of antiseptic, or the warmth of the tea to create a more vivid atmosphere.
  • Consider giving BUDDY a small action or reaction that reflects his understanding of the situation, such as him fidgeting with the jigsaw pieces or looking concerned when the topic of money arises.



Scene 44 -  A Heartfelt Reunion
115 INT. WHITEABBEY HOSPITAL DAY 115

POP
Aye, well that puts me in mind of a great wee system
we had in the old days for paying the rent.
The rent man would come round and collect the
money for every house in the whole street, an’ once
‘e was done, an all the rent books were marked up
to date, one o’ the boys would hold ‘im up at gun
point in a back entry an take all the money back off
him. And then ‘e’d hand it back to all the residents in
the street, with a little commission for the service. It
was a very effective system. The rent man was so
good about it in the end, that eventually they cut ‘im
in for a wee bit too, an everybody was happy. Except
the council, I suppose.

BUDDY
His work’s giving my Da a house in England now if he
wants one. It’s gotta garden an’ everything, an’ two
toilets, an they’re both inside the house.

POP
There’s nothin’ wrong with an outside toilet, except
on an aeroplane.

BUDDY laughs.


BUDDY
My Ma says if we went across the water, they
wouldn’t understand the way we talk.

POP
That shouldn’t be a problem son. I’ve been married
to your Granny for fifty years and I’ve never
understood a word she said.
If they can’t understand you, then they’re not listenin’,
and that’s their problem.
You know when I was in Leicester, they said the same
thing about me, you know. So I put on a different
bloody accent everyday just d’annoy them. They
never knew who I was. But I did, an’ that’s the only
one who needs d’ know.
You know who you are don’t yer?

BUDDY
Yes Pop.

POP
You’re BUDDY, from Belfast 15, where everybody
knows ya, an’ yer Pop looks out for yer, an yer
Mammy looks out for ye, yer Daddy looks out for ya,
yer Granny looks out for ya, yer Brother looks out
for yer an’ yer whole family looks out for yer, an
wherever you go, and whatever you become, that
will always be the truth. An’ that thought’ll keep yer
safe, an’ it’ll keep yer happy.
Will yer remember that for me?

BUDDY nods.

BUDDY
Yes Pop.

POP
Alright. Fine man y’are.
Now forget about what yer Father an yer Mother
want, what do you want?

BUDDY
I want you an’ ma Granny d’ come too.

BUDDY goes to his POP. They hold each other.
Genres: ["Family Drama"]

Summary In a warm and nostalgic scene set in Whiteabbey Hospital, Pop reminisces about a clever scheme from his past while sharing humorous anecdotes. Buddy expresses his desire for family unity as he discusses the possibility of moving to England. Their heartfelt exchange emphasizes the importance of identity and family support, culminating in a touching embrace that solidifies their bond.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Authentic character interactions
  • Heartfelt dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Lack of external conflict
  • Limited plot progression

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9.2

The scene is beautifully crafted, focusing on the emotional connection between Buddy and his Pop while exploring themes of family, identity, and belonging. The dialogue is poignant and heartfelt, delivering a powerful message about staying true to oneself and cherishing family bonds.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of family, identity, and belonging is central to the scene, providing a strong foundation for the emotional depth and character development. The scene effectively conveys these themes through the interactions between Buddy and his Pop.

Plot: 8.5

While the scene does not have a traditional plot progression, it serves as a pivotal moment in character development and relationship building between Buddy and his Pop. The focus on emotional connection and family dynamics drives the scene forward.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh perspective on family dynamics and cultural identity, with unique character interactions and dialogue that feel genuine and relatable.


Character Development

Characters: 9.5

The characters of Buddy and Pop are richly developed, with Pop offering wisdom and humor while guiding Buddy through a moment of self-discovery. Their relationship is authentic and heartfelt, adding depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 8

While there is not a significant character change in this scene, Buddy's conversation with Pop deepens his understanding of family, identity, and belonging, setting the stage for potential growth and self-discovery in future scenes.

Internal Goal: 9

The protagonist's internal goal is to understand his identity and place within his family and community. He seeks validation and reassurance from his grandfather about his roots and values.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to have his grandfather and grandmother come with him wherever he goes, showing his desire for family unity and support.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 3

While there is a subtle conflict between Buddy's desire to have his family move with him and the practical considerations of his parents, the scene primarily focuses on emotional connection and reflection rather than external conflict.

Opposition: 6

The opposition in the scene is minimal, with the conflict primarily internal and emotional rather than external or physical.

High Stakes: 4

The stakes in the scene are relatively low, focusing more on emotional connection and reflection rather than high-intensity conflict or dramatic tension.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by strengthening the bond between Buddy and his Pop, laying the groundwork for future developments in their relationship and the overarching themes of family and identity.

Unpredictability: 7

The scene is somewhat predictable in terms of character interactions and outcomes, but the emotional depth and authenticity keep the audience invested.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict revolves around the importance of family and community ties versus individual desires and ambitions. The protagonist grapples with balancing his personal goals with his loyalty to his family.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9.5

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking feelings of love, nostalgia, and hope. The heartfelt interactions between Buddy and his Pop resonate with the audience, creating a poignant and touching moment.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue in the scene is poignant and meaningful, capturing the essence of family, love, and identity. Pop's wise words to Buddy resonate with emotional depth, enhancing the overall impact of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to the heartfelt moments between the characters, the humor in the dialogue, and the exploration of family dynamics and cultural identity.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene allows for moments of reflection and emotional connection, balancing dialogue and action effectively.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene adheres to standard screenplay formatting, making it easy to follow and visualize the interactions between characters.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a natural flow of conversation and character interactions, maintaining a balance between humor and emotional depth.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the warmth and humor of Buddy's relationship with his Pop, showcasing their bond through playful banter and heartfelt moments. However, the transition from the previous scene could be smoother; the abrupt shift from the family gathering to a more intimate conversation in the hospital may confuse the audience. A brief visual or auditory cue could help bridge these two moments.
  • Pop's story about the rent man is humorous and serves to highlight the community's resourcefulness, but it may benefit from a clearer connection to the current situation. While it adds character depth, the relevance of this anecdote to Buddy's concerns about moving to England could be more explicitly tied together, reinforcing the theme of community versus individual aspirations.
  • The dialogue is rich and engaging, but some lines could be tightened for clarity. For instance, Pop's lengthy anecdote could be condensed to maintain the scene's pacing and keep the audience's attention focused on the emotional core of the conversation.
  • Buddy's desire for his Pop and Granny to come with him is a poignant moment that resonates with the audience. However, it could be enhanced by showing Buddy's emotional state more vividly—perhaps through his body language or facial expressions—before he vocalizes his wish. This would deepen the emotional impact of the scene.
  • The scene ends on a touching note, but it might benefit from a visual cue that emphasizes the significance of their bond. A close-up shot of their embrace or a lingering shot of the hospital room could reinforce the emotional weight of the moment and leave a lasting impression on the audience.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief transition or visual cue to connect the previous scene with this one, ensuring a smoother flow for the audience.
  • Clarify the relevance of Pop's story about the rent man to Buddy's current concerns about moving, perhaps by linking it back to the theme of community.
  • Tighten some of the dialogue, especially Pop's anecdote, to maintain pacing and focus on the emotional core of the scene.
  • Enhance Buddy's emotional expression before he voices his desire for his Pop and Granny to come with him, using body language or facial expressions to convey his feelings.
  • Include a visual cue at the end of the scene, such as a close-up of the embrace between Buddy and Pop, to emphasize the emotional significance of their bond.



Scene 45 -  A Haunting Performance
116 EXT. GROVE THEATRE EVENING 116

The theatre marquee shows A CHRISTMAS CAROL BY CHARLES DICKENS, STARRING
JOSEPH TOMELTY as MARLEY’S GHOST. GEORGE MALPAS as SCROOGE.

MARLEY’S GHOST (V.O.)
Hear me!


117 INT. GROVE THEATRE EVENING 117

The great Joseph Tomelty is on the stage and covered in the chains of Jacob MARLEY,
towering above the cowering SCROOGE

MARLEY’S GHOST
Hear me! I am here tonight to warn you, that you
have yet a chance and hope of escaping my fate.

GRANNY
Who wears chains that size?

BUDDY
(whispering)
Granny, you’re not allowed to talk in a theatre.

GRANNY
It makes one heck of a necklace.

SCROOGE
You were always a good friend to me. Thankee.

MARLEY’S GHOST
You will be haunted.

On BUDDY’s face.

SCROOGE
Is that the chance and hope you mentioned, Jacob?

THE GHOST
It is.

SCROOGE
I think I’d rather not.

GRANNY
Bloody well sure you wouldn’t...

BUDDY gives GRANNY a look.
Genres: ["Drama","Family","Comedy"]

Summary In the Grove Theatre during a performance of 'A Christmas Carol,' Marley’s Ghost warns Scrooge about his fate, urging him towards redemption. While Scrooge expresses gratitude, he remains hesitant to embrace the haunting as a source of hope. Meanwhile, Granny humorously comments on the size of the chains, prompting Buddy to try and keep her quiet. The scene blends tension with humor, culminating in Buddy's disapproving look at Granny after her remarks, highlighting the contrast between the serious warning and the audience's reactions.
Strengths
  • Effective blend of humor and heartwarming moments
  • Strong character development and dynamics
  • Engaging dialogue and themes
Weaknesses
  • Low conflict level may reduce tension for some viewers

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively blends humor, heartwarming moments, and reflection on life, creating a rich and engaging experience for the audience.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of intertwining a family gathering with a theatrical performance adds depth and layers to the scene, offering insights into the characters' personalities and relationships.

Plot: 8

The plot revolves around the family's reactions to the play and their interactions during the theatre visit, providing a cohesive narrative that explores themes of family, humor, and reflection.

Originality: 8

The scene offers a fresh take on the classic story of 'A Christmas Carol' by Charles Dickens. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and add a new perspective to the familiar narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters are well-developed, with distinct personalities that shine through in their reactions to the play and interactions with each other. The family dynamics are engaging and relatable.

Character Changes: 7

While there are subtle shifts in the characters' emotions and perspectives, the scene primarily focuses on showcasing their existing dynamics and personalities.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to confront his past and come to terms with his actions. This reflects his deeper need for redemption and transformation.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to listen to the warning from Marley's ghost and decide whether to change his ways or face a grim fate. This reflects the immediate challenge of making a life-altering decision.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

While there is some tension in the family dynamics and the play's themes, the overall conflict level is relatively low, focusing more on humor and reflection.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist facing a difficult decision that will determine his fate. The audience is left unsure of how he will choose.

High Stakes: 5

The stakes are relatively low in this scene, centered more on personal interactions and reflections rather than high-intensity drama.

Story Forward: 8

The scene contributes to the overall narrative by deepening the audience's understanding of the characters and their relationships, setting the stage for future developments.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected choices and reactions of the characters, adding suspense and intrigue to the narrative.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between redemption and regret. Scrooge must confront his past mistakes and decide whether to change his ways or continue down a destructive path. This challenges his beliefs about the possibility of change and the consequences of his actions.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from laughter to nostalgia to hope, creating a poignant and memorable experience for the audience.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is witty, heartfelt, and reflective, capturing the essence of the characters and the themes of the scene effectively.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the dramatic tension, witty dialogue, and emotional depth that keeps the audience invested in the characters' choices and conflicts.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the characters' choices and conflicts.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of the scene adheres to the standard format for a screenplay, with proper scene headings and character dialogue.

Structure: 9

The scene follows the expected structure for a theatrical performance within a screenplay, with clear stage directions and character interactions.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the whimsical and humorous nature of a family outing to the theatre, particularly through Granny's playful comments. This adds a layer of warmth and relatability to the characters, making them feel more authentic.
  • The dialogue between Granny and Buddy is engaging and showcases their close relationship. However, it could benefit from a bit more context about why they are at the theatre, which would help ground the scene in the larger narrative.
  • The use of a well-known literary reference, 'A Christmas Carol,' is clever and resonates with themes of family and redemption. However, the scene could explore how this story parallels Buddy's own life, enhancing the emotional stakes.
  • The pacing of the scene feels slightly rushed, particularly with the transitions between the stage performance and the audience's reactions. Slowing down the rhythm could allow for more comedic timing with Granny's lines and Buddy's reactions.
  • While the humor is effective, the scene could delve deeper into Buddy's emotional state during the performance. Adding a moment of reflection or a visual cue could enhance the audience's connection to his character.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment at the beginning of the scene that establishes the significance of the theatre outing for Buddy and his family, perhaps through a line of dialogue or a visual cue.
  • Incorporate a moment where Buddy reacts to the performance in a way that reflects his personal struggles or aspirations, creating a stronger emotional connection to the story being told on stage.
  • Enhance the comedic elements by allowing Granny's comments to lead to a brief exchange with another audience member, which could heighten the humor and showcase the lively atmosphere of the theatre.
  • Introduce a visual element that contrasts the stage's dramatic atmosphere with the lightheartedness of Buddy and Granny's banter, perhaps through a shot of the audience's reactions or the theatre's decor.
  • Consider ending the scene with a moment that hints at the impact of the performance on Buddy, perhaps through a lingering look at the stage or a thoughtful expression, setting up a transition to the next scene.



Scene 46 -  Nostalgia on the Night Bus
118 INT. BUS NIGHT 118

GRANNY and BUDDY stare out of the Bus. Belfast at night.

BUDDY
When will Pop get out of the hospital?

GRANNY
When the Doctors say his lungs are fine.

BUDDY
When Pop went to England to be a coal miner, did
you go with ‘im?

She shakes her head.

BUDDY (CONT'D)
Did y’ want to?

She shakes her head again.

BUDDY (CONT'D)
Nether do I.

GRANNY
Has yer Father said what he’s doin?

Now BUDDY shakes his head.

BUDDY
He says it has to get decided by Christmas.

GRANNY
When’s he coming back?

BUDDY
At the weekend. We’re goin d’ the pictures.
He’s takin us to Chitty Chitty Bang Bang.

GRANNY
What in the name o’ God is that?

BUDDY
It’s a flying car.

GRANNY
Oh God, I’ve heard it all.


BUDDY
It goes over a cliff, an’ yer nearly fall outta yer seat.
D’y’ wanna come? It’d be company for y’ till my Pop’s
home.

GRANNY
If God wanted me d’ see a flyin car. I’d a been born
with blinkin wings.
Yer love yer films don’t yer?
I was a great one for the pictures when I was your
age. I used to think you could climb right inside the
screen and visit all those strange places you saw. Like
that one in that film...what was that... Lost
Horizon...did you ever see that?

BUDDY
No. What was the name of the place Granny?

GRANNY
Shangri La. That’s what they called it.

BUDDY
Did you ever go there?

GRANNY
There were no roads to Shangri La from our part of
Belfast.

BUDDY
So will yer go one day?

The bus drives on, and GRANNY looks out at the darkness.

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Drama","Family"]

Summary On a night bus in Belfast, Buddy and Granny share a heartfelt conversation about Buddy's father's hospitalization and a planned movie outing. As Buddy expresses concern for his father's health, Granny reminisces about her youth and her love for films, humorously reflecting on her disbelief in modern movie concepts like flying cars. Their dialogue reveals a deep bond and shared experiences, set against the backdrop of the dark night outside, ending with Granny lost in thought about her past.
Strengths
  • Authentic character interactions
  • Emotional depth
  • Nostalgic tone
Weaknesses
  • Lack of significant plot progression
  • Low conflict level

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively captures a reflective and nostalgic tone through the dialogue between Granny and Buddy. It provides insight into their relationship and the family dynamics, creating a sense of warmth and depth.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring the connection between past and present, as well as the theme of family bonds, is well-executed in the scene.

Plot: 7.5

While the scene does not significantly advance the main plot, it adds depth to the characters and their relationships, enhancing the overall narrative.

Originality: 8.5

The scene showcases originality through its realistic portrayal of family dynamics and the juxtaposition of past and present experiences. The characters' actions and dialogue feel genuine and relatable, adding authenticity to the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

Granny and Buddy are well-developed characters with distinct personalities and a strong emotional bond. Their interactions feel genuine and add richness to the scene.

Character Changes: 6

While there is no significant character change in this scene, it deepens the understanding of Granny and Buddy's relationship and history.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to connect with his grandmother and provide her with company while his father is away. This reflects his desire for companionship and his caring nature towards his family.

External Goal: 7.5

The protagonist's external goal is to invite his grandmother to watch a movie with him and his siblings. This reflects his desire to include her in their activities and provide her with entertainment.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 3

The scene lacks significant conflict, focusing more on introspection and connection between characters.

Opposition: 6.5

The opposition in the scene is subtle, with the grandmother's skepticism and the protagonist's enthusiasm creating a small conflict that adds depth to their relationship. The audience is left wondering how their differing perspectives will play out.

High Stakes: 2

The stakes are relatively low in this scene, focusing more on personal reflection and family dynamics.

Story Forward: 6

The scene does not move the main plot forward significantly but adds depth to the characters and themes, enriching the overall narrative.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected turns in the characters' conversations and the subtle shifts in their emotions. The audience is kept engaged and curious about the characters' motivations and reactions.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between the grandmother's practicality and the protagonist's sense of wonder and imagination. The grandmother's skepticism towards the flying car and her reminiscence about the past contrasts with the protagonist's excitement and eagerness to share new experiences.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene evokes a strong emotional response through its exploration of family bonds, nostalgia, and the passage of time.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is engaging and reveals important aspects of the characters' backgrounds and emotions. It effectively conveys the reflective and nostalgic tone of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the heartfelt interactions between the characters, the relatable family dynamics, and the subtle humor woven into the dialogue. The audience is drawn into the characters' emotions and relationships.

Pacing: 8.5

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by allowing for natural pauses and emotional beats in the dialogue. The rhythm of the scene enhances the audience's connection to the characters and their interactions.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with proper scene descriptions and character cues. The dialogue is formatted correctly, enhancing the readability of the script.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear character interactions and progression of dialogue. The pacing and rhythm of the scene contribute to its effectiveness in conveying the characters' emotions and relationships.


Critique
  • The dialogue between Buddy and Granny effectively captures their close relationship and the generational gap in their perspectives. However, the scene could benefit from more emotional depth regarding Pop's hospitalization. While the conversation touches on it, adding a moment of silence or a shared look of concern could enhance the emotional weight.
  • Granny's humorous remarks about the flying car and her past experiences with films provide a nice contrast to the underlying tension about Pop's health and the family's uncertain future. However, the humor sometimes feels disconnected from the gravity of the situation. Balancing the humor with more poignant reflections on their current struggles could create a richer emotional tapestry.
  • The scene's pacing is generally good, but it could be tightened by reducing some of the repetitive questioning. For instance, Buddy's inquiries about Pop's situation could be streamlined to maintain the flow of the conversation without losing the essence of their concern.
  • The setting of the bus at night is visually evocative, but the scene could benefit from more sensory details to immerse the audience further. Describing the sounds of the bus, the sights of Belfast at night, or the atmosphere inside the bus could enhance the scene's overall impact.
  • The mention of 'Chitty Chitty Bang Bang' serves as a nice touchstone for Buddy's innocence and excitement, but it might be more effective if it tied back to the family's situation. Perhaps Granny could express a desire for escapism through films, reflecting on how they both use cinema as a way to cope with their realities.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment of silence or a shared look between Buddy and Granny to emphasize their concern for Pop's health, enhancing the emotional depth of the scene.
  • Balance the humor in Granny's dialogue with more poignant reflections on their current struggles, creating a richer emotional tapestry that resonates with the audience.
  • Streamline Buddy's repetitive questioning to maintain the flow of the conversation while preserving the essence of their concern for Pop.
  • Incorporate more sensory details about the bus and the nighttime atmosphere of Belfast to immerse the audience further in the scene.
  • Tie the mention of 'Chitty Chitty Bang Bang' back to the family's situation by having Granny express a desire for escapism through films, reflecting on how they both use cinema as a coping mechanism.



Scene 47 -  Christmas Dreams and Dread
119 INT. CINEMA EVENING 119

On the screen in colour CHITTY CHITTY BANG BANG racing towards a rocky shore,
then the whole family seems to be falling forward and yelling as Chitty Chitty Bang Bang
careers over a cliff on the massive cinema screen. The entire family grabs each others arms,
leans forward with the rest of the packed audience, and yells. GRANNY loudest of all.

Right before hitting the water, the car starts to fly

TRULY SCRUMPTIOUS
What’s happening?!
Oh It’s fantastic!
You’re a genius!


CARACTACUS POTTS
It’s nothing really!

They all start to sing along to Chitty Chitty Bang Bang.

GRANNY
Shut Up! You’ll get us thrown out.

Buddy erupts in laughter.


120 EXT. BUDDY’S STREET DAY 120

Heavy rain. Christmas day in Belfast.

MUSIC - “Chitty Chitty, Bang Bang”


121 INT. BUDDY’S HOUSE DAY 121

Decorated Tree with Christmas presents pilled underneath.

BUDDY empties a grey stocking sock. It has an orange, and two new penny copper coins,
and the James Bond Matchbox Car.

Opens a small package containing the Spurs Football Team as Subbuteo table football
figures.

Opens a small chocolate selection box. Cadbury’s Chocolate Bars. He goes for the
chocolate buttons.

The family have a game of Subbuteo. BUDDY scores a goal.

BUDDY is now dressed as Scott from International Rescue - The Thunderbirds. He has a
complete sky blue flying suit, with a blue plastic sash, a utility belt for his ammunition, a ray
gun, and a little blue peaked cap.

MA and PA invite BUDDY to sit on the sofa with them.

MA
Come on, here. Sit down for a few minutes here. We
have a wee word to have with you.

BUDDY sits down. MA and PA on either side of him. Something’s up. He looks at them,
very worried.


PA
Buddy, I...Ma and I want to talk to you about
something. Something that we might have to do as a
family.

MA
You know the way your Dad’s over in England? And
he’s been working over there for quite a while? Well,
we were thinking that, you know, maybe we’d all go
as a family and go live there. And your Dad’s seen a
really nice wee house and it’s got a lovely garden
and...

PA
Play football Buddy.

MA
Aye.

PA
There’s loads of room there. More room that we
have here.

BUDDY
I DON’T WANNA GO TO ENGLAND!

MA
(to WILL)
Switch that off now.

WILL switches the TV off.

BUDDY
I DON’T WANNA GO TO ENGLAND!

Wailing BUDDY on the sofa, still in Thunderbirds suit. He is inconsolable.

MA
It’s alright darling... it’s alright...

BUDDY
...I’ll have no friends, an’ no cousins, an’ I won’t be able
to see Catherine at school...

PA
(overlapping)
...hey listen. you’ll make friends, an you’re gonna have
this garden to play football in there...


BUDDY
(also overlapping)
...I don’t care about a garden! I want my Granny an
my Pop, and I wanna do my project on goin to the
moon, an get on the first desk, an I don’t wanna
have to talk funny, an’, I don’t wanna forget what
road I have to go down when I’m dead, an....

MA
(overlapping him)
...that’s enough now... there’s nothin decided yet... we
just wanted to see what everybody thought
first....you’re all overtired....

PA
Exactly, yea...

BUDDY
I DON’T WANNA LEAVE BELFAST!...
Genres: ["Family Drama","Coming of Age"]

Summary In a joyful cinema scene, Buddy and his family are captivated by 'Chitty Chitty Bang Bang,' but the mood shifts dramatically at home on Christmas Day when Buddy learns of his parents' plan to move to England. Despite receiving exciting gifts like a James Bond Matchbox Car and Subbuteo figures, Buddy is distraught at the thought of leaving his friends and family behind. His parents attempt to reassure him, but Buddy's emotional turmoil culminates in tears as he expresses his strong opposition to the move, leaving the scene filled with a poignant contrast between childhood joy and the fear of change.
Strengths
  • Authentic portrayal of family dynamics
  • Emotional depth and resonance
  • Engaging character interactions
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue overlaps may be confusing for the audience

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys the emotional weight of the family's decision to potentially move to England, showcasing the internal struggles and conflicting perspectives of each family member.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring the impact of a potential move on a family, especially from the perspective of a young boy, is engaging and provides a rich emotional depth to the scene.

Plot: 8.5

The plot revolves around the family's dilemma of moving to England, driving the emotional conflict and character interactions forward with a clear sense of stakes and personal investment.

Originality: 8

The scene presents a unique situation of a family facing a potential move, and the authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to its originality.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters are well-developed, each showcasing their unique perspectives and emotional responses to the situation, adding depth and authenticity to the family dynamics.

Character Changes: 8

The scene showcases the beginning of a significant emotional journey for the young boy, as he grapples with the idea of leaving his home and confronts his fears and desires.

Internal Goal: 8

Buddy's internal goal is to stay in Belfast and not have to move to England. This reflects his fear of losing his friends, family, and familiar surroundings.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to express his desire to stay in Belfast and not move to England with his family.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The scene contains a high level of emotional conflict stemming from the family's differing opinions and fears about the potential move, creating a tense and impactful atmosphere.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist's internal conflict and the family's decision to potentially move to England creating a difficult situation.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high as the family faces a life-changing decision that could impact their relationships, sense of belonging, and future prospects, adding urgency and emotional weight to the scene.

Story Forward: 9

The scene propels the story forward by introducing a major decision point for the family, setting the stage for future developments and character arcs to unfold.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected emotional outburst and conflict within the family dynamics.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict is between the protagonist's desire to stay in Belfast and his family's potential decision to move to England for a better life.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes a strong emotional response from the audience, drawing them into the characters' struggles and dilemmas, eliciting empathy and connection.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue effectively conveys the characters' inner turmoil and conflicting emotions, capturing the essence of their fears, hopes, and uncertainties about the potential move.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the emotional conflict and tension within the family, as well as the relatable themes of fear and change.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and emotional depth, contributing to its effectiveness in conveying the family dynamics.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, effectively conveying the emotional depth of the characters.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, effectively building tension and conflict within the family dynamics.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the excitement and joy of a family outing to the cinema, contrasting the lightheartedness of the film with the underlying tension of the family's situation. However, the transition from the cinema to Buddy's house could be smoother to maintain the emotional flow.
  • Buddy's emotional outburst about not wanting to leave Belfast is powerful and relatable, showcasing his attachment to his home and family. However, the dialogue could benefit from more varied expressions of his feelings to avoid repetition and enhance emotional depth.
  • The use of humor, particularly through Granny's comments, adds a delightful layer to the scene, but it might overshadow Buddy's emotional turmoil. Balancing the comedic elements with the serious nature of Buddy's fears could create a more poignant moment.
  • The dialogue between Buddy and his parents feels somewhat rushed, especially as they try to reassure him. Allowing for more pauses and reactions could heighten the tension and give Buddy's emotional response more weight.
  • The visual descriptions are vivid, particularly the details of Buddy's Christmas presents and his Thunderbirds costume, which effectively ground the scene in a specific time and place. However, incorporating more sensory details about the environment could enhance the atmosphere, such as the sounds of the bustling household or the smell of Christmas dinner.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment of silence or reflection after the cinema scene before transitioning to Buddy's house to allow the audience to absorb the joy of the film before confronting the family's reality.
  • Introduce more varied dialogue for Buddy to express his fears about leaving, perhaps by including specific memories or experiences that he would miss, which would deepen the emotional impact.
  • Balance the humor from Granny with Buddy's emotional state by allowing for moments where the humor fades, emphasizing the seriousness of Buddy's feelings and creating a more dramatic contrast.
  • Slow down the dialogue exchange between Buddy and his parents, allowing for pauses where they can react to Buddy's outbursts, which would give the scene a more natural rhythm and enhance the emotional stakes.
  • Incorporate more sensory details to enrich the scene's atmosphere, such as the sounds of laughter, the smell of food, or the warmth of the room, to create a more immersive experience for the audience.



Scene 48 -  Silent Vigil
122 EXT. BELFAST CHRISTMAS IN THE RAIN DAY 122


123 INT. BUDDY’S HOUSE LIVING ROOM NIGHT 123

BUDDY is fast asleep on the sofa. A tear stained face. Chocolate marks all around his
mouth, the chocolate selection box on his lap. His brother asleep beside him, a Manchester
United Annual on his lap. MA and PA finish clearing the room up of wrapping paper and
sweets.

MA
Lets just leave it to Easter. See where we are then?

PA
These boys are suffering. I don’t think we’ve got till
Easter.

She is silent.

PA (CONT'D)
I don’t think you an me have got till Easter either.

Beat.

MA
Then come home. We’ll fight this together.


PA
Kids the same age as ours are gettin killed round the
corner.

MA
We’ll be careful.

PA
We can’t be with them 24 hours a day.
An’ we can’t take away their childhood either.

He starts to leave the room. Stops at the back door.

PA (CONT'D)
You know, whatever happens. What you’ve done with
these two is phenomenal.

MA
Whaddya talkin about?

PA
You raised them. Not me. Not us. You.
(Beat.)
Thank you.
(Beat.)
We’ll see what happens by Easter.
I’ll take the bins out, make a cuppa, get these’ns to
bed.

He leaves the room. MA sits between her BOYS.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary In a dimly lit living room after Christmas, Buddy and his brother sleep peacefully on the sofa, surrounded by festive remnants. Their parents, MA and PA, engage in a serious discussion about the dangers their children face in Belfast, with MA advocating for unity and resilience, while PA acknowledges the harsh realities and praises MA's parenting. The scene captures the tension between the innocence of childhood and the looming threats of their environment, ending with PA leaving to handle chores, leaving MA protectively seated between her sons.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Strong character dynamics
  • Compelling theme exploration
Weaknesses
  • Limited external conflict
  • Relatively contained setting

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9.2

The scene effectively conveys the emotional depth of the characters, particularly the mother's internal conflict and resolve. The tension and uncertainty surrounding the family's situation are palpable, drawing the audience in and creating a strong emotional impact.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of a mother's unwavering love and protection for her children in the face of adversity is a powerful and relatable theme. The scene effectively explores this concept through the interactions and dialogue between the characters.

Plot: 9

The plot progression in the scene revolves around the mother's decision-making process and her resolve to protect her family. The tension and emotional stakes are heightened, driving the narrative forward and engaging the audience.

Originality: 8

The scene offers a fresh perspective on the challenges of parenting in a dangerous environment, with authentic dialogue and nuanced character interactions.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed, with the mother's strength and vulnerability shining through in her interactions with her family. The relationships and dynamics between the characters are rich and nuanced, adding depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 8

The mother undergoes a significant emotional change in the scene, from initial uncertainty and fear to a sense of determination and resolve. Her character arc is compelling and well-developed, adding depth to the narrative.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to protect and care for her children in the face of danger and uncertainty. This reflects her deeper need for security and stability.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to keep her children safe from the violence in their neighborhood. This reflects the immediate challenges they are facing.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict in the scene is primarily internal, revolving around the mother's decision-making process and her resolve to protect her family. The emotional stakes are high, creating tension and uncertainty that drive the narrative forward.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the characters facing internal and external conflicts that are difficult to resolve.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in the scene, as the mother grapples with the safety and well-being of her children in a dangerous and uncertain environment. The emotional and personal stakes add tension and urgency to the narrative, heightening the drama.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by highlighting the mother's internal conflict and decision-making process, setting the stage for future developments and challenges. The emotional and thematic progression adds depth to the narrative, driving the plot forward.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the uncertain future facing the characters and the unresolved conflict between them.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is the balance between protecting children from harm and allowing them to have a normal childhood. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs about parenting and safety.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a strong emotional impact, eliciting feelings of tension, empathy, and hope from the audience. The mother's emotional journey and the family's uncertain future resonate deeply, creating a poignant and memorable moment.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue effectively conveys the emotional turmoil and conflict within the family, particularly the mother's internal struggle and the father's concerns for their safety. The conversations feel authentic and impactful, driving the emotional core of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the emotional stakes, realistic dialogue, and the relatable struggle of the characters.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and emotional resonance, with well-timed pauses and character interactions.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and easy to follow, with proper scene headings and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a traditional structure for a dramatic family moment, with clear character motivations and emotional beats.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the emotional weight of the family's situation, particularly through the dialogue between MA and PA. Their conversation reflects the tension and urgency of their circumstances, which is crucial for the audience's understanding of the stakes involved.
  • The use of visual imagery, such as Buddy's tear-stained face and chocolate marks, adds a layer of innocence and vulnerability to the scene. This contrast between the children's innocence and the harsh realities of their environment enhances the emotional impact.
  • The dialogue is realistic and relatable, showcasing the struggles of a family trying to navigate a dangerous environment while maintaining a semblance of normalcy for their children. However, some lines could be tightened for clarity and impact.
  • The pacing of the scene is effective, allowing for moments of silence that emphasize the weight of the conversation. However, the transition from the previous scene could be smoother to maintain the emotional flow.
  • The ending, with PA's acknowledgment of MA's efforts in raising the boys, is a poignant moment that reinforces their bond. However, it could benefit from a stronger visual or emotional cue to leave a lasting impression on the audience.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment of physical interaction between MA and PA, such as a touch or a shared look, to visually convey their emotional connection amidst the tension.
  • Tighten some of the dialogue to enhance clarity and impact. For example, PA's lines could be more concise to maintain the scene's pacing and emotional intensity.
  • Incorporate a visual element that symbolizes hope or resilience, such as a family photo or a small decoration from Christmas, to contrast with the somber tone of the conversation.
  • Explore the use of sound design in this scene. The background noise of the rain or distant sounds of the city could enhance the atmosphere and reflect the family's internal struggles.
  • Consider ending the scene with a more definitive emotional beat, such as a lingering shot on MA's face as she contemplates PA's words, to leave the audience with a stronger emotional resonance.



Scene 49 -  A Bittersweet Goodbye
124 EXT. BUDDY'S STREET EARLY MORNING 124

PA comes out of the house and looks up. BUDDY is at the window.

MUSIC - “Carrick Fergus” by Van Morrison

PA
Go to sleep. I see you in two weeks.

He waves at BUDDY and starts to walk away.

He stops and turns towards the house. BUDDY is still at the window, PA waves at him
again, then carries on walking.

He gets to the barricade, turns and waves at BUDDY one last time before he disappears.


125 INT. BUDDY’S BEDROOM EARLY MORNING 125

BUDDY in bed, awake, forlorn and thinking.


126 EXT. BELFAST CITY VIEW DAY 126


127 EXT. STREET DAY 127

Kids playing with a makeshift swing around a lamppost.


128 EXT. BUDDY'S HOUSE DAY 128

MA peeling potatoes on the pavement.


129 EXT. TV REPAIR SHOP DAY 129

On the screen in the shop window

TV REPORTER (V.O.)
There used to be forty houses here, in this mainly
Roman Catholic street. That was before the trouble in
the middle of August.
Genres: ["Drama","Family"]

Summary The scene begins with PA leaving the house and reassuring Buddy, who watches from the window, that he will return in two weeks. As PA walks away, Buddy is left feeling forlorn and reflective. The setting shifts to Belfast during the day, showcasing children playing and MA peeling potatoes, symbolizing normalcy amidst turmoil. The scene concludes with a TV reporter discussing the neighborhood's struggles, highlighting the emotional conflict of separation and longing.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Subtle storytelling
  • Strong performances
Weaknesses
  • Minimal plot progression
  • Limited dialogue

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys a range of emotions and themes through subtle interactions and visuals, creating a poignant and reflective atmosphere.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of showcasing a moment of departure and longing within a family setting is effectively realized, providing insight into the characters' relationships and emotions.

Plot: 7.5

While the plot progression is minimal, the scene serves as a crucial emotional beat in the narrative, deepening the audience's connection to the characters and their journey.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh perspective on the Troubles in Belfast, focusing on personal relationships and emotional depth amidst political turmoil.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters' emotions and relationships are well-developed in the scene, particularly Pa and Buddy, showcasing their bond and the challenges they face.

Character Changes: 7

While there is not a significant character arc in this scene, the emotional impact of Pa's departure on Buddy hints at potential growth and change in their relationship.

Internal Goal: 8

PA's internal goal is to maintain a sense of normalcy and connection with his son Buddy despite the challenging circumstances of the Troubles.

External Goal: 7

PA's external goal is to ensure Buddy's safety and well-being in a volatile environment.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 4

The conflict is internal and emotional, focusing on the characters' struggles with separation and change rather than external obstacles.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is subtle but impactful, reflecting the larger societal conflicts that the characters are navigating.

High Stakes: 3

The stakes are personal and emotional, focusing on the impact of Pa's departure on the family rather than external threats or conflicts.

Story Forward: 6

The scene does not significantly move the main plot forward but deepens the audience's understanding of the characters and their emotional journey.

Unpredictability: 7

The scene is unpredictable in its emotional resonance and character dynamics, keeping the audience invested in the outcome.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict is between the desire for normalcy and connection in the face of violence and division.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes a strong emotional response from the audience, capturing the sadness and longing of saying goodbye while also hinting at hope and resilience.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is minimal but effective in conveying the emotions and themes of the scene, adding depth to the character interactions.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its emotional depth, subtle character interactions, and the underlying tension of the setting.

Pacing: 8

The pacing effectively builds tension and emotional resonance, allowing for moments of reflection and connection between characters.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting adheres to standard screenplay conventions, effectively conveying the visual and emotional elements of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a traditional structure for character-driven drama, with a clear focus on internal and external conflicts.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the emotional weight of separation between Buddy and his father, PA, using the visual of Buddy at the window and PA walking away. This imagery is poignant and resonates with the audience, emphasizing the theme of familial bonds amidst turmoil.
  • The use of music, 'Carrick Fergus' by Van Morrison, adds a layer of emotional depth to the scene. The choice of this song complements the bittersweet nature of the moment, enhancing the viewer's connection to Buddy's feelings of longing and sadness.
  • The transition from the intimate moment between Buddy and PA to the broader context of Belfast is well-executed. It shifts the focus from personal to communal, highlighting the impact of the ongoing troubles on everyday life. However, the abruptness of the transition could be smoothed out to maintain emotional continuity.
  • The visual elements, such as kids playing and MA peeling potatoes, effectively illustrate the contrast between the innocence of childhood and the harsh realities of their environment. However, the scene could benefit from more sensory details to immerse the audience further into the setting.
  • The dialogue is minimal, which works well in this context, allowing the visuals and music to convey the emotional weight. However, adding a brief internal monologue or a few more lines from Buddy could provide deeper insight into his feelings, enhancing the audience's understanding of his emotional state.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief internal monologue for Buddy as he watches his father leave. This could provide more context for his feelings of sadness and longing, making the emotional impact stronger.
  • To enhance the transition between the intimate moment and the broader context, consider adding a visual or auditory cue that links the two, such as the sound of children playing gradually fading in as PA walks away.
  • Incorporate more sensory details in the scene, such as the sounds of the street, the smell of potatoes being peeled, or the feel of the morning air. This would create a more immersive experience for the audience.
  • Explore the possibility of including a brief interaction between MA and Buddy after PA leaves. This could provide a moment of comfort or reassurance, further developing the family dynamic and Buddy's emotional state.
  • Ensure that the pacing of the scene allows for moments of reflection. Allow the audience to sit with Buddy's emotions before transitioning to the next visual, enhancing the overall impact of the scene.



Scene 50 -  Chaos and Comfort
130 INT. SUPERMARKET DAY 130

On the TV mounted on the wall

TV REPORTER (V.O.)
Now the government are proposing to rebuild this street,
but there are increased tensions in the city

The MANAGER look up at the TV on the wall. Newsreel footage show the aftermath of
the riots.

TV REPORTER (V.O.)
and the move comes amid warnings of renewed
violence. Authorities are urging citizens to return to their
homes immediately...

The Customers stop. Some drop their shopping. They leave for the safety of their homes.


131 EXT. SUPERMARKET DAY 131

TV REPORTER (V.O.)
...and to stay inside and off the streets until further
notice, effective immediately.

THE MANAGER steps out into the street.


132 EXT. BETTING SHOP DAY 132

BUDDY waits outside, sitting on the side of the pavement, reading a Thor comic, and eating
from a bag of chips.

PA comes out of the shop.

PA
Moondance - 7/2 - has to win, son, don’t ya think?
What’s going on in your comic?

BUDDY
He has to defeat the monster.

PA shoves his hand in the bag of chips and grabs a handful.

BUDDY (CONT'D)
What?! They’re my chips!

PA
What’s yours is mine, what’s mine is my own.

BUDDY
Granny says that. What does that even mean?!

PA
You’ll find out.
Genres: ["Drama","Family"]

Summary In a supermarket, a TV reporter's alarming announcement about government plans and potential violence sends customers into a panic, leaving their shopping behind. Outside, Buddy enjoys a carefree moment with his father, PA, who engages him in playful banter about a horse race and shares a cryptic saying, creating a stark contrast between the tense atmosphere and their light-hearted interaction. The scene highlights the disconnect between the chaos of the world and the innocence of familial bonds.
Strengths
  • Authentic character dynamics
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Balanced tone
Weaknesses
  • Limited external conflict
  • Lack of resolution in the scene

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively portrays the emotional complexities within the family, balancing serious themes with moments of humor and hope. The dialogue and interactions feel authentic and engaging.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring family tensions and financial challenges is well-executed, providing a relatable and compelling narrative thread. The scene effectively conveys the impact of potential changes on the family dynamic.

Plot: 8

The plot is advanced through the introduction of the potential move to England, adding a layer of complexity to the family's story. The scene sets up future conflicts and decisions for the characters.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh approach to the theme of danger and survival in a city with increased tensions. The dialogue feels authentic and the characters' actions reflect their personalities.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed and their relationships are portrayed with depth and authenticity. Each character's perspective on the potential move to England is clear, adding layers to the family dynamics.

Character Changes: 7

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the introduction of the potential move to England sets the stage for future character development and decisions.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is likely to stay safe and navigate the dangerous situation unfolding in the city. This reflects their deeper need for security and survival.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to navigate the immediate circumstances of increased tensions and potential violence in the city. They must make decisions to ensure their safety and well-being.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict in the scene is primarily internal, revolving around the family's differing perspectives on the potential move to England. The tensions and uncertainties create emotional stakes for the characters.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the characters facing external threats and internal conflicts that challenge their beliefs and actions.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high for the family as they grapple with financial struggles and the possibility of uprooting their lives for a move to England. The decisions they make will have a significant impact on their future.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing a significant plot point - the potential move to England. This development adds complexity and depth to the narrative, setting up future conflicts and decisions.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the sudden shift in circumstances and the characters' unexpected actions in response to the danger in the city.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the idea of personal ownership and sharing. PA's statement 'What’s yours is mine, what’s mine is my own' challenges traditional notions of ownership and generosity.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from concern and skepticism to hope and humor. The audience is likely to empathize with the characters' struggles and uncertainties.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is engaging and reveals the inner thoughts and emotions of the characters. It effectively conveys the tensions and hopes within the family, driving the scene forward.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the high stakes, tension, and conflict present. The urgency of the situation keeps the audience invested in the characters' choices.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience on edge as the characters navigate the dangerous situation.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of the scene is clear and easy to follow, with distinct locations and character actions clearly described.

Structure: 9

The scene follows a clear structure, moving from the supermarket to the street to the betting shop, effectively building tension and conflict.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the tension and urgency of the situation in Belfast, using the TV reporter's voiceover to convey the gravity of the circumstances. This technique helps to ground the scene in the broader context of the ongoing conflict, making the audience acutely aware of the stakes involved.
  • The juxtaposition of the chaotic news report with the mundane activity of Buddy and his father creates a stark contrast that highlights the innocence of childhood amidst the turmoil. However, the transition between the news report and Buddy's casual interaction with his father could be smoother to maintain the emotional weight of the scene.
  • Buddy's dialogue with his father is playful and relatable, showcasing their bond. However, the line 'What’s yours is mine, what’s mine is my own' feels slightly out of place without further context. It could benefit from a brief explanation or a humorous follow-up to enhance its impact and clarify its meaning for the audience.
  • The scene's pacing is effective, but it could be enhanced by incorporating more visual elements that reflect the panic of the customers in the supermarket. For instance, showing customers' expressions or their hurried movements could amplify the sense of urgency and fear.
  • The scene ends abruptly after the exchange between Buddy and his father. A more definitive conclusion or a transition to the next scene could provide a stronger narrative flow, allowing the audience to digest the implications of the news report and the characters' reactions.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment where Buddy observes the reactions of the customers in the supermarket, which would visually emphasize the tension and fear in the atmosphere.
  • Enhance the dialogue between Buddy and PA by including a humorous or insightful follow-up to the saying about ownership, which could deepen their relationship and provide clarity for the audience.
  • Smooth the transition between the news report and Buddy's interaction by incorporating a visual cue, such as a close-up of Buddy's concerned expression as he hears the news, before shifting to his casual conversation with PA.
  • Add a moment of silence or a pause after the news report to allow the weight of the situation to settle in before moving to Buddy and PA, creating a more impactful emotional transition.
  • Consider ending the scene with a visual cue that hints at the impending chaos, such as a distant sound of sirens or a glimpse of people rushing away, to foreshadow the events that may follow.



Scene 51 -  Into the Fray
133 EXT. STREET DAY 133

Father and son walk down the road, stopping at the end of Granny’s Street.

PA
Now, you wait at your Granny’s and I’ll pick you up
when I’ve come back from seein’ my Father, ok son?

BUDDY
Alright Daddy.


He sees his Father run for, and make it to the bus, which speeds away. He starts to head
down towards his Granny’s house. Coming up the street, on the other side is MOIRA. She
crosses the street, grabs BUDDY by the arm, turns him around, starts marching him in the
opposite direction.

MOIRA
Right, wee fella. You did well for not grassin’ us to the
police. So you’re in.

BUDDY
What do you mean?

MOIRA
You’re one of us now, and this is it.

BUDDY
This is what?

MOIRA
This is war.


134 EXT. TV REPAIR SHOP DAY 134

The TVs on display show images of the rioters: hundreds of people flood the streets.


135 EXT. MAIN ROAD DAY 135

The small group turns onto the main road, and into a slowly accumulating wave of people
surging forward.

BUDDY
What are we gonna do?

MOIRA
Whatever the hell we want.


136 EXT. TV REPAIR SHOP DAY 136

More newsreel of more people joining the marches.
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In this scene, Buddy is instructed by his father to wait at Granny's house while he goes to see his own father. However, Buddy is intercepted by Moira, who forcibly recruits him into her group, declaring they are going to war. As they walk, they encounter a growing crowd of rioters, symbolizing a larger social upheaval. The scene shifts from a tender moment between father and son to a tense atmosphere, highlighting Buddy's confusion and the stark contrast between his innocent childhood and the harsh realities around him.
Strengths
  • Effective tension-building
  • Strong character dynamics
  • High stakes
Weaknesses
  • Potential for more nuanced dialogue
  • Limited exploration of character motivations

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively builds tension and sets up a significant shift in the story, creating a sense of unease and anticipation.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a turning point in the narrative is well-executed, setting the stage for further exploration of conflict and character growth.

Plot: 8.5

The plot advances significantly in this scene, introducing a major conflict and raising the stakes for the characters.

Originality: 8.5

The scene presents a fresh take on the theme of rebellion and social unrest, exploring the moral complexities of loyalty and resistance in a gritty urban setting. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and true to life, adding depth and complexity to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 8

Character dynamics are subtly revealed, hinting at future developments and adding depth to the relationships portrayed.

Character Changes: 8

Buddy undergoes a significant change as he is drawn into a dangerous situation, setting the stage for character growth and development.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to navigate the dangerous situation he finds himself in and make sense of the sudden turn of events. He is faced with a moral dilemma and must decide whether to join the group of rebels or resist their influence.

External Goal: 7.5

The protagonist's external goal is to survive and protect himself in the midst of a riot and potential conflict. He must also grapple with the decision of whether to join the rebels or stay out of the violence.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The level of conflict is high, with the characters facing a dangerous situation that will have significant repercussions.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist facing difficult choices and moral dilemmas that challenge his beliefs and values. The uncertainty of the outcome adds tension and suspense to the scene, keeping the audience on the edge of their seats.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high as the characters are drawn into a dangerous situation with uncertain outcomes, adding tension and suspense to the narrative.

Story Forward: 9

The scene propels the story forward by introducing a major conflict and raising the stakes for the characters, setting the stage for further developments.

Unpredictability: 8.5

This scene is unpredictable because it presents a series of unexpected twists and turns, challenging the audience's expectations and keeping them guessing about the characters' choices and motivations. The outcome of the conflict is uncertain, adding tension and suspense to the scene.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the choice between loyalty to one's family and community versus standing up for what is right and just. The protagonist must decide whether to follow the path of violence and rebellion or resist and maintain his moral integrity.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene evokes fear and uncertainty in the audience, creating an emotional connection to the characters' plight.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue effectively conveys tension and uncertainty, setting the tone for the escalating conflict.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it presents a high-stakes conflict and moral dilemma that keeps the audience on the edge of their seats. The characters' actions and dialogue are compelling and realistic, drawing the reader into the chaotic world of the story.

Pacing: 8.5

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension and suspense through a series of escalating events and character interactions. The rhythm of the scene keeps the audience engaged and invested in the outcome, leading to a satisfying and impactful resolution.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings, dialogue formatting, and narrative description. The formatting enhances the readability and flow of the scene, allowing the reader to easily follow the action and dialogue.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, building tension and conflict through a series of escalating events and character interactions. The pacing and rhythm of the scene contribute to its effectiveness, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the outcome.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the transition from Buddy's innocent childhood to the harsh realities of conflict, which is a central theme of the screenplay. However, the dialogue could be more impactful. Moira's declaration of 'This is war' feels abrupt and lacks the emotional weight that could be built up through more nuanced dialogue or internal conflict from Buddy.
  • The pacing of the scene is somewhat rushed. The transition from Buddy's interaction with his father to being swept into a conflict with Moira happens too quickly, which may leave the audience feeling disoriented. A moment of hesitation or internal conflict from Buddy could enhance the emotional stakes.
  • The visual elements, such as the TVs displaying rioters, are effective in establishing the external chaos. However, the scene could benefit from more sensory details to immerse the audience further. Describing the sounds of the crowd, the atmosphere, or Buddy's physical reactions could enhance the tension.
  • Moira's character could be developed further. While she represents a shift towards rebellion, her motivations and feelings about the conflict are not explored. Adding depth to her character could create a more compelling dynamic between her and Buddy.
  • The scene lacks a clear emotional arc for Buddy. While he is initially confused, his transition into acceptance of the situation feels too abrupt. Exploring his internal struggle with the idea of 'war' could create a more relatable and engaging character journey.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment where Buddy expresses his fears or doubts about joining Moira, which would create a stronger emotional connection for the audience and highlight his internal conflict.
  • Enhance the dialogue between Buddy and Moira to reflect the gravity of the situation. Instead of simply stating 'This is war,' Moira could articulate what that means for them personally, adding depth to her character and the situation.
  • Incorporate more sensory details to paint a vivid picture of the environment. Describe the sounds of the crowd, the tension in the air, or Buddy's physical sensations as he is pulled into the chaos.
  • Develop Moira's character further by providing insight into her motivations for wanting to engage in conflict. This could create a more complex relationship between her and Buddy, making the scene more engaging.
  • Consider ending the scene with a moment of hesitation or reflection from Buddy as he is swept into the crowd, emphasizing the loss of his childhood innocence and the weight of the decision he is being forced into.



Scene 52 -  Caught in the Chaos
137 EXT. MAIN ROAD DAY 137

BUDDY tries to turn back.


BUDDY
I’m going home! I’m going home!

MOIRA
No, you’re not. You’re coming with us.

BUDDY
I want to go home.

There are too many people. He is being carried forward like it or not.


138 EXT./INT SUPERMARKET STREET DAY 138

The crowd has swollen now, occupying the width of the street, and many people deep.
They are picking up speed now, as they start to target the supermarket we saw earlier

And upturned street lamp becomes a battering ram, and plate glass window is smashed.

And with that the crowd starts to run en masse. BUDDY has no alternative, but to charge
or be trampled underfoot. The Looting begins. This is a pitched battle that makes the riot
from the beginning seem tame.

THE MANAGER hides for her life..

BUDDY dodging falling glass, vegetables rolling around the floor and tripping people.

Shelves collapsing.

MOIRA
Get yourself somethin’!

BUDDY
What?

MOIRA
Whatever you need.

He grabs an enormous family size pack of OMO biological washing powder, and runs from
the shop.
Genres: ["Drama","Action"]

Summary Buddy, reluctant to join the fray, is pressured by Moira to stay with the group as they descend into chaos at a supermarket. The crowd grows aggressive, leading to looting and destruction. Despite his desire to go home, Buddy is swept up in the mob mentality, ultimately grabbing a large pack of washing powder before fleeing the scene amidst the turmoil.
Strengths
  • Intense atmosphere
  • Realistic portrayal of chaos
  • Effective escalation of conflict
Weaknesses
  • Limited dialogue
  • Potential for sensory overload

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys the high stakes and intense emotions of a riot situation, keeping the audience engaged and on edge throughout.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a riot breaking out in a supermarket adds a sense of urgency and danger to the story, highlighting the impact of the larger social unrest on individual characters.

Plot: 8

The plot progression in this scene is crucial as it shows a significant turning point in the story, escalating the conflict and raising the stakes for the characters involved.

Originality: 8

The scene presents a fresh approach to the familiar trope of a riot or looting situation by focusing on the individual character's experience and choices in the midst of chaos. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters' reactions and decisions in the face of the riot reveal more about their personalities and motivations, adding depth to their development.

Character Changes: 7

The characters are forced to adapt and make quick decisions in the face of danger, showing a shift in their behavior and priorities.

Internal Goal: 8

Buddy's internal goal is to go home and escape the dangerous situation. This reflects his fear and desire for safety and security.

External Goal: 9

Buddy's external goal is to survive the riot and escape the looting crowd. This reflects the immediate challenge he is facing.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The level of conflict in the scene is high, with the riot escalating tensions and putting the characters in immediate danger.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Buddy facing physical danger and moral dilemmas that challenge his survival instincts and values.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are incredibly high in this scene, with the characters' lives at risk in the midst of a violent riot.

Story Forward: 8

The scene propels the story forward by introducing a new level of conflict and danger, setting the stage for further developments.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because the outcome of Buddy's choices and actions is uncertain, adding to the tension and suspense.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is the struggle between survival instincts and moral values. Buddy is forced to make choices in a chaotic and dangerous situation that challenge his beliefs and values.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes fear and tension in the audience, creating an emotional connection to the characters' plight.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue in the scene is minimal but impactful, conveying the urgency and fear of the situation effectively.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it immerses the audience in the chaos and danger of the riot, creating a sense of urgency and suspense.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged and on the edge of their seats.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for an action sequence in a screenplay, with clear scene headings, action lines, and dialogue.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a high-tension action sequence in a screenplay, with a clear setup, escalating conflict, and resolution.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the chaos and urgency of a riot, immersing the audience in the tumultuous atmosphere. However, the emotional stakes for Buddy could be heightened. While we see his desire to go home, exploring his internal conflict more deeply could enhance the audience's connection to his plight. For instance, adding a moment where Buddy reflects on what home means to him amidst the chaos could provide a poignant contrast to the violence surrounding him.
  • Moira's character is assertive, but her motivations for dragging Buddy into the chaos could be clearer. Is she acting out of a sense of camaraderie, rebellion, or something else? Providing a brief line of dialogue that hints at her reasoning could add depth to her character and make her actions more relatable.
  • The description of the crowd and the chaos is vivid, but it could benefit from more sensory details. Incorporating sounds, smells, and tactile sensations would create a more immersive experience. For example, describing the shouts of the crowd, the acrid smell of smoke, or the feeling of the ground shaking underfoot could enhance the scene's intensity.
  • The transition from Buddy's initial resistance to being swept up in the crowd feels abrupt. A moment of hesitation or a brief flashback to a peaceful memory of home could serve as a powerful juxtaposition to the chaos, emphasizing the loss of innocence as he is forced into this violent situation.
  • The dialogue is functional but could be more dynamic. Instead of simply stating 'Whatever you need,' Moira could use more evocative language that reflects her excitement or urgency, which would also serve to contrast Buddy's confusion and reluctance.
Suggestions
  • Add internal monologue or reflective moments for Buddy to express his feelings about the chaos and what home means to him, enhancing emotional depth.
  • Clarify Moira's motivations for involving Buddy in the riot, possibly through a line of dialogue that reveals her perspective or feelings about the situation.
  • Incorporate more sensory details to create a vivid atmosphere, such as sounds of the crowd, smells of smoke, and the physical sensations of being in a chaotic environment.
  • Include a moment of hesitation for Buddy before he is swept into the crowd, perhaps with a brief flashback to a peaceful moment at home, to emphasize the loss of innocence.
  • Revise Moira's dialogue to be more dynamic and reflective of her excitement or urgency, contrasting with Buddy's reluctance.



Scene 53 -  Chaos in the Supermarket
139 EXT. BUDDY’S STREET DAY 139

Almost home. Racing down the street towards his house. Neighbour’s look. He gets to
his house, bangs on the door.

BUDDY
Mammy! Mammy!


MA pops her head out the first floor window.

MA
What the hell skates is goin on?

BUDDY
Mammy, we’re lootin a supermarket, an..

MA
(indicating the washing powder)
Where the hell did you get that?

BUDDY
I told you, we’re lootin a supermarket...

MA
You’re what? You wait right there young man.

After a moment, MA opens the front door.

MA (CONT'D)
Why did you take that washing powder?

BUDDY
It’s biological.

She’s furious. He runs off, she chases him.


140 EXT. / INT SUPERMARKET DAY 140

A fully fledged riot. MA is like a woman possessed as she pulls BUDDY and MOIRA
through the melee. She has one each side, as she makes her way over the jagged glass of
the now smashed window through which she enters the supermarket. She looks up to see
where the household products are stacked, heads towards that aisle.

She reaches the now decimated shelves as the sound outside is peaking. Megaphone
announcements Army is starting to arrive, urging people to clear the streets or tear gas
and rubber bullets will be used. Despite her breathlessness, she speaks slowly and
menacingly.

MA
Now. You put that back. Do you hear me?! And if you
ever. Ever. Do anything like that again. I will kill you.
Do you hear me?!
(Turns to MOIRA.)
And I know you wee madam.
(MORE)
MA (CONT'D)
And if you ever pull my son into something like this
again, I will beat you black and blue until you never
get home again. Do you hear me?!

BILLY CLANTON
(appearing out of the mob)
Hey woman! We don’t put things back. That’s not the
statement we’re trying to make.
Out! Go on get out! Out!

He pushes MA towards the exit.

MA
Alright...alright...

BILLY CLANTON
Right. That’s the law arrived. So you two are gonna
guarantee safe passage for Chief Clanton. Try to run,
an’ I’ll put a bullet in your son’s head.
Genres: ["Drama","Action"]

Summary Buddy excitedly returns home to share his looting adventure with his friend Moira, only to face his furious mother, Ma, who confronts him about the stolen washing powder. As they navigate a chaotic supermarket filled with rioters, Ma demands Buddy return the item and threatens him and Moira with violence. The tension escalates when Billy Clanton, a menacing figure in the mob, confronts them, insisting they comply with his demands or face dire consequences. The scene captures the desperation and anger of a mother trying to protect her son amidst the chaos.
Strengths
  • Intense conflict
  • Emotional depth
  • Character dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Potential for violence may be unsettling for some audiences

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene is intense, well-paced, and emotionally charged, effectively conveying the high stakes and the characters' strong emotions. The conflict is palpable, and the dialogue adds depth to the scene.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a riot at a supermarket during a tense moment of conflict is engaging and impactful. It explores themes of family protection, loyalty, and the consequences of getting involved in dangerous situations.

Plot: 8.5

The plot of the scene is crucial in advancing the story, introducing high stakes, and showcasing the characters' relationships and dynamics. It adds depth to the narrative and sets up future developments.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh approach to the theme of survival and moral choices in a chaotic environment. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-developed and their emotions and motivations are effectively portrayed. The scene allows for character growth and reveals their protective instincts and fierce loyalty.

Character Changes: 8

The characters experience growth and change during the scene, particularly in their protective instincts and loyalty. The events challenge their beliefs and actions, leading to character development.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to protect his family and navigate the dangerous situation they find themselves in. This reflects his deeper need for safety and security for his loved ones.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to survive the riot and escape the supermarket without getting caught or harmed. This reflects the immediate circumstances and challenges they're facing in the chaotic environment.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is high, with intense emotions, physical danger, and moral dilemmas at play. The confrontation between characters adds depth and tension to the narrative.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the characters facing threats from external forces and internal conflicts that challenge their beliefs and values. The audience is kept on edge as they navigate the chaotic environment.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes in the scene are high, with physical danger, moral dilemmas, and emotional consequences at play. The characters' actions have significant repercussions, adding tension and urgency to the narrative.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by introducing a key conflict, advancing character relationships, and setting up future events. It adds depth to the narrative and increases tension.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because the characters' actions and decisions are not always expected, adding tension and suspense to the narrative.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between the protagonist's moral values of honesty and integrity, and the chaotic environment where looting and violence are prevalent. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs and values as he is forced to make difficult decisions to protect his family.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene has a strong emotional impact, eliciting fear, anger, and determination from the characters and the audience. The intense moments and fierce protection of family resonate emotionally.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is intense, impactful, and reveals the characters' emotions and intentions. It adds depth to the scene and enhances the conflict and tension.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it presents high stakes, intense conflict, and moral dilemmas that keep the audience invested in the characters' fates.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, with a gradual increase in intensity leading to a climactic confrontation. The rhythm of the scene contributes to its effectiveness in conveying the urgency and danger of the situation.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and easy to follow, with concise descriptions and dialogue that enhance the pacing and rhythm of the scene. It follows the expected format for its genre.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, leading to a climactic confrontation between the characters. It follows the expected format for its genre of drama/thriller.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the chaos of the riot and the urgency of Buddy's situation, but it could benefit from more emotional depth. While MA's anger is palpable, exploring her fear for Buddy's safety could add layers to her character and the scene's tension.
  • The dialogue is sharp and conveys the characters' emotions well, but some lines, particularly MA's threats, may come off as overly dramatic. This could risk alienating the audience from her character. A more nuanced approach to her anger, perhaps showing her internal conflict about the situation, could enhance relatability.
  • The transition from Buddy's excitement to MA's fury is abrupt. A moment of hesitation or realization from Buddy before he reveals the looting could create a more impactful emotional arc. This would allow the audience to feel the weight of his actions and the consequences that follow.
  • The introduction of Billy Clanton adds a layer of danger, but his dialogue feels somewhat clichéd. A more unique or personal threat could make him a more compelling antagonist. Additionally, his motivations could be clearer to enhance the stakes of the confrontation.
  • The visual description of the chaos in the supermarket is vivid, but it could be enhanced by incorporating more sensory details. Describing the sounds, smells, and sights in greater detail would immerse the audience further into the scene's chaos.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment where Buddy reflects on the consequences of his actions before he runs home. This could create a stronger emotional connection with the audience.
  • Explore MA's internal conflict more deeply. Perhaps she hesitates before confronting Buddy, showing her fear for his safety alongside her anger.
  • Revise Billy Clanton's dialogue to make it more unique and personal. Consider giving him a backstory or motivation that makes his threat feel more significant.
  • Incorporate more sensory details to enhance the chaotic atmosphere of the supermarket. Describe the sounds of the riot, the smell of smoke, or the sight of shattered glass to create a more immersive experience.
  • Consider using a more varied sentence structure in the dialogue to reflect the urgency and chaos of the scene, which could help maintain the audience's engagement.



Scene 54 -  Standoff on Main Street
141 EXT. SUPERMARKET / MAIN STREET DAY 141

BILLY CLANTON directs the party of three onto the main street. There are far fewer
rioters now, as the army with riot-shields lines up at each end of the street. BILLY
CLANTON has a hand gun.

PA and WILL appear at the other end of the street.

BILLY CLANTON
Ah...here he comes, the lone ranger.

PA
You let them go now.

BILLY CLANTON
Nah, I think if I do, one of them soldiers is gonna take
my head off.

PA
If they don’t, I will.

BILLY CLANTON
(indicates the family)
Over their dead bodies.

We see MA looking at Billy Clanton’s gun. Looks to PA. BUDDY is in shock. Everything is
getting quieter and quieter.


MUSIC -“Do not forsake me (Oh my darlin’)”, from High Moon.

BILLY CLANTON (CONT'D)
Folks always have a problem with change.
But you better get used to it, mister. People like me
run this town now.
And it’s people like you, that bring us all down...

Slow motion now, as BILLY CLANTON begins to draw the gun on PA.

MA starts to move as WILL grabs a rock.

WILL
Daddy!

He gives it to PA who flings it at BILLY CLANTON. As the rock is about to make contact
with the his head, BILLY CLANTON fires, MA pushes him, and throws his aim. PA escapes
the shot, the rock hits BILLY CLANTON who falls. MA grabs BUDDY and runs to a
doorway. PA and WILL make their way through the soldiers to them. They all huddle in the
doorway. MOIRA joins them.

Soldiers are surrounding BILLY CLANTON. Troops and tanks pour into the street.
Helicopters swoop. CLANTON is dragged away, but unmoved.

BILLY CLANTON
This isn’t the end, pal
Genres: ["Drama","Action","Thriller"]

Summary In a tense confrontation on a main street, Billy Clanton holds a family hostage while facing off against PA and Will. Clanton, armed and defiant, threatens the family's safety, but as he attempts to draw his gun, Will distracts him by throwing a rock. This moment of chaos allows the family to escape to safety as military forces close in on Clanton, who is ultimately captured but vows that this isn't the end of his conflict.
Strengths
  • Intense conflict
  • Emotional depth
  • Strong performances
  • Effective pacing
Weaknesses
  • Potential for violence
  • Heightened tension may be unsettling for some viewers

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9.2

The scene is intense, well-paced, and emotionally charged, effectively conveying the escalating conflict and the characters' reactions to the dangerous situation.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of a standoff at a supermarket during a time of social unrest is compelling and effectively executed, adding depth to the overall narrative.

Plot: 9

The plot of the scene revolves around a pivotal moment of conflict that drives the story forward and sets the stage for future developments.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh approach to the power struggle and moral conflict trope, with unique character dynamics and intense action sequences. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters' actions and reactions in the scene are consistent with their established traits, adding depth and authenticity to the conflict.

Character Changes: 9

The characters undergo significant emotional and psychological changes during the scene, particularly in their reactions to the escalating conflict and the threat of violence.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to protect his family and assert his authority in the face of a threatening situation. This reflects his deeper need for security and control in a changing environment.

External Goal: 9

The protagonist's external goal is to survive the confrontation with Billy Clanton and protect his family from harm. This goal reflects the immediate circumstances of the conflict they are facing.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9.5

The level of conflict in the scene is high, with intense confrontations, physical danger, and emotional stakes driving the tension and drama.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with a clear threat to the protagonist's goals and a sense of uncertainty about the outcome of the conflict.

High Stakes: 10

The stakes are high in the scene, with the characters facing physical danger, emotional turmoil, and the threat of violence, adding intensity and urgency to the confrontation.

Story Forward: 9

The scene effectively moves the story forward by introducing a major conflict, raising the stakes, and setting the stage for future developments and character arcs.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected actions and outcomes of the characters, keeping the audience guessing about the resolution of the conflict.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between the values of power and control versus family and morality. Billy Clanton represents the former, while the protagonist and his family represent the latter. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs and values in the face of a dangerous situation.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9.2

The scene has a strong emotional impact, evoking fear, tension, and defiance in the characters and the audience, creating a sense of urgency and suspense.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is tense and impactful, effectively conveying the characters' emotions, motivations, and the escalating conflict.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense action, high stakes, and moral dilemmas that keep the audience on the edge of their seats.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension, suspense, and emotional impact through well-timed action and dialogue sequences.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene descriptions, character actions, and dialogue that enhance the visual and emotional impact of the scene.

Structure: 9

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution that drive the narrative forward effectively.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension through the confrontation between Billy Clanton and Pa, highlighting the stakes involved with the hostage situation. However, the dialogue could be sharpened to enhance the emotional weight of the moment. For instance, Pa's line, 'If they don’t, I will,' feels somewhat generic and could be replaced with something more personal or reflective of his character's desperation and love for his family.
  • The use of slow motion as Clanton draws his gun adds a cinematic flair, but it may benefit from a clearer emotional context. The audience should feel the weight of the moment, and a brief internal monologue or flashback could deepen the stakes for Pa and his family, making the audience more invested in the outcome.
  • The transition from the chaotic environment to the quiet moment before the gun is drawn is effective, but the pacing could be improved. The shift to slow motion feels abrupt; a gradual build-up to that moment could enhance the tension. Perhaps incorporating more sensory details—like the sounds of the crowd or the pounding of hearts—could immerse the audience further.
  • The character of Billy Clanton is portrayed as menacing, but his motivations could be more fleshed out. Adding a line or two that reveals his backstory or his reasons for taking control of the town would make him a more compelling antagonist. This could also serve to heighten the conflict between him and Pa.
  • The ending, where Clanton is dragged away but defiantly states, 'This isn’t the end, pal,' feels somewhat clichéd. While it establishes that the conflict is ongoing, it could be more impactful if it tied back to a specific theme or character arc. Perhaps Clanton could reference a personal vendetta or a larger ideological battle, making his threat feel more significant.
Suggestions
  • Revise Pa's dialogue to make it more personal and emotionally charged, reflecting his desperation to protect his family.
  • Consider adding a brief internal monologue or flashback for Pa during the slow-motion moment to deepen the emotional stakes.
  • Enhance the pacing leading up to the slow-motion moment by incorporating more sensory details to build tension gradually.
  • Flesh out Billy Clanton's character by adding lines that reveal his motivations or backstory, making him a more complex antagonist.
  • Rework Clanton's final line to tie it back to a specific theme or character arc, making his threat feel more significant and impactful.



Scene 55 -  Imminent Danger
142 EXT. BUDDY’S STREET DAY 142

An armoured car comes down the street. The family are inside it. Neighbours amazed.


143 INT. BUDDY'S HOUSE DAY 143

Silence. The three males sit dazed on the sofa. In front of them, the packet of OMO, now
with a bullet hole in it. MA comes into the room.

PA
It’s gonna be alright. I’ll talk to the committee. Get
this fixed. There’ll be no more bother.

She shakes her head. Starts to speak very slowly.

MA
I caught sight of my face in that shop window when I
was running down the street.
And draggin them poor kids behind me.
(MORE)
MA (CONT'D)
And I was lookin in the mirror just now at that same
face.
And I asked myself.
What the hell am I doing?
And then I was sick.
Like I am every morning now.
And I realised.
I don’t think it really matters anymore.
So, tomorrow.
When Mackie and Auntie Violet come round. We’re
going to start packing.

The three sit shocked.


144 INT. WHITEABBEY HOSPITAL DAY 144

POP in the hospital bed, with PA, and BUDDY sitting either side.

POP
You’ve no choice. You know they’re going to come
for you, don’t you? And this time they’ll send
somebody serious.
Get yourselves to the moon.

BUDDY looks to PA. PA looks to POP..

POP (CONT'D)
London’s only one small step for a man.
Belfast’ll still be here when you get back.

BUDDY
Will you?

POP
I’m goin nowhere you won’t find me.

PA takes POP’s hand, with his other hand POP takes BUDDY’s hand.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary In a tense scene, an armored car drives by, startling the family inside Buddy's house, where they sit in shock over a bullet-riddled packet of OMO. Ma expresses her despair and fear for their safety, deciding to start packing for an impending departure. The scene shifts to Whiteabbey Hospital, where Pop warns Buddy and Pa of imminent danger, urging them to leave while reassuring them of his support. The atmosphere is somber, reflecting the family's urgent need to escape their perilous situation.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
  • Realistic dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Limited external conflict
  • Slow pacing in some moments

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys the emotional depth of the characters and their internal conflicts. The dialogue is poignant and realistic, capturing the essence of family dynamics and resilience. The scene sets up a significant turning point in the story, leading to a sense of anticipation and hope for the characters' future.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of family resilience and acceptance in the face of adversity is well-developed in the scene. The exploration of internal conflicts and the characters' determination to move forward adds depth to the narrative. The scene effectively conveys the themes of change and hope.

Plot: 8

The plot progression in the scene is significant, setting up a turning point for the characters and advancing the story towards a new direction. The conflict and emotional stakes are heightened, leading to a sense of anticipation and uncertainty for the characters' future.

Originality: 8

The scene offers a fresh perspective on themes of family loyalty and sacrifice in the face of danger. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and relatable, adding a layer of originality to the familiar narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed and their emotional struggles are portrayed with authenticity. The relationships between the characters are explored in depth, adding layers to their personalities and motivations. The scene allows for meaningful character growth and development.

Character Changes: 8

The characters undergo significant emotional growth and reflection in the scene, leading to moments of realization and acceptance. Their decisions and actions reflect their internal struggles and motivations, setting the stage for further development in the story.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to come to terms with the consequences of their actions and make a decision about their future. This reflects their deeper need for redemption and a desire to protect their family.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to protect their family from the threats they are facing and make a plan for their safety. This reflects the immediate circumstances of danger and uncertainty they are dealing with.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict in the scene is primarily internal, focusing on the characters' emotional struggles and decisions. While there are moments of tension and uncertainty, the conflict is more subtle and reflective, adding depth to the characters' arcs.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the characters facing external threats and internal doubts that challenge their beliefs and values. The audience is left uncertain about the outcome, adding to the tension and drama.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes in the scene are high on an emotional level, as the characters face internal conflicts and decisions that will impact their future. While there is tension and uncertainty, the stakes are more personal and reflective, adding depth to the narrative.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by setting up a significant turning point for the characters and advancing the narrative towards a new direction. The decisions and revelations in the scene have a lasting impact on the story, leading to anticipation and intrigue.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected decisions and revelations made by the characters. The audience is kept on edge as they navigate the protagonist's internal turmoil and external threats.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the protagonist's struggle with their own morality and sense of purpose. They question the value of their actions and the impact it has on their loved ones, leading to a decision that challenges their beliefs and values.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, eliciting feelings of empathy, reflection, and hope from the audience. The characters' struggles and resilience resonate on an emotional level, creating a sense of connection and engagement with their journey.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue in the scene is poignant and realistic, capturing the characters' emotions and internal conflicts effectively. The conversations between the characters reveal their relationships and motivations, adding depth to the narrative. The dialogue enhances the emotional impact of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the emotional intensity and dramatic stakes that drive the characters' decisions. The audience is drawn into the protagonist's internal struggle and the uncertainty of their future.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and emotional depth, allowing the characters' internal struggles to unfold naturally. The rhythm of the dialogue and narrative descriptions enhances the scene's impact.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character dialogue that enhance the narrative flow. The formatting contributes to the overall effectiveness of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a well-paced structure that builds tension and emotional depth through the characters' interactions and decisions. It effectively conveys the protagonist's internal and external conflicts.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the emotional weight of the family's situation, particularly through MA's monologue, which conveys her despair and sense of helplessness. However, the transition from the chaos of the previous scene to this moment of introspection could be smoother. The abrupt shift from action to reflection may disorient the audience.
  • MA's dialogue is powerful and poignant, but it could benefit from more subtext. While her feelings of despair are clear, incorporating more specific imagery or memories could deepen the emotional impact and provide a stronger connection to her character's past.
  • The use of the bullet hole in the OMO packet serves as a strong visual metaphor for the violence encroaching on their lives. However, the scene could explore this symbolism further. For instance, showing the physical and emotional scars left by the conflict could enhance the stakes for the characters.
  • The dialogue between PA and POP is touching, but it feels somewhat rushed. Allowing for more pauses or reactions between lines could heighten the emotional resonance of their exchange. This would give the audience time to absorb the gravity of POP's warnings and the family's bond.
  • The scene's pacing is uneven. The initial silence and shock of the family are effective, but the transition to the hospital feels abrupt. A brief moment of reflection or a visual cue could help bridge the two locations and maintain the emotional continuity.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment of silence or a shared glance between the family members before MA speaks, allowing the audience to feel the weight of the situation before diving into her monologue.
  • Enhance MA's dialogue by incorporating specific memories or images from her past that contrast with her current feelings, creating a more vivid emotional landscape.
  • Explore the symbolism of the bullet hole further by having the characters react to it in a way that reflects their emotional state, perhaps by touching it or commenting on it, to reinforce its significance.
  • Allow for more pauses in the dialogue between PA and POP, giving characters time to react to each other's words. This can create a more intimate atmosphere and emphasize the gravity of their situation.
  • Consider adding a visual transition or a brief moment of reflection before moving to the hospital scene, such as a lingering shot on the OMO packet or the family's expressions, to maintain emotional continuity.



Scene 56 -  A Day of Celebration Turns Serious
145 EXT. SCHOOL RALLINGS/RAIN DAY 145


146 INT. CLASSROOM DAY 146

The Moon project is leaning up against the blackboard, the results are being called.


MISS LEWIS (O.S.)
And now to announce the winners of our school
moon project...

BUDDY and CATHERINE are at the front of the class. Everyone cheers.


147 EXT. SCHOOL GATES DAY 147

PA is picking up BUDDY. Sees CATHERINE with him. He walks with the two out of the
gates.

PA
Well, how did it go with this?
BUDDY CATHERINE
We got a gold star. We got a gold star.

PA
Wah, good on yous. Now tell me this, seeing as you
two will know, how do I get to the moon with only
ten pound, and these three leaky umbrellas?


148 EXT. BUDDY’S HOUSE DAY 148

The sound of retching from the upstairs. MA and AUNTIE VIOLET glimpsed at the
bathroom window.


149 INT. BUDDY’S HOUSE / KITCHEN DAY 149

MACKIE is at work in the kitchen. He’s cooking the kind of breakfast you would otherwise
buy in his cafe. It’s a frying plan in which sits a crowded mix of bacon, sausage, tomatoes,
eggs, black pudding, soda bread and potato farls. BUDDY watches him.

MACKIE
There’s an art to an Ulster Fry, son.
Mind you, I’m glad your Aunt Violet’s up the stairs
with your Ma. She keeps bangin’ on now about
Northern Ireland having the highest rate of
chlomestremol in the world. I think that’s great that
we’re world champions at somethin’.

The door knocks.

MACKIE (CONT'D)
Do you mind answerin’ that for me son, I got this hot
pan on?


BUDDY goes to the front door and opens it. A dark figure is silhouetted by the sun. But
the shape of his helmet against the light, tells the story.

POLICEMAN
Is your Mother in son?

MA has already appeared at the top of the stairs and is walking down them slowly.
Genres: ["Drama","Comedy"]

Summary The scene opens with Miss Lewis announcing Buddy and Catherine as winners of the school moon project, celebrating their achievement. Buddy's father, PA, humorously engages with him about the moon, while at home, Mackie prepares a traditional Ulster Fry, providing comic relief. However, the mood shifts dramatically when a policeman arrives, inquiring about Buddy's mother, just as she appears distressed on the stairs, creating a tense contrast to the earlier light-heartedness.
Strengths
  • Engaging character interactions
  • Blend of humor and tension
  • Unique elements like the school moon project and chaotic breakfast scene
Weaknesses
  • Limited external conflict
  • Moderate emotional impact

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively combines humor, tension, and reflection, showcasing a mix of sentiments and tones. The unique elements and character interactions make it engaging and memorable.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the scene revolves around the school moon project results and the chaotic breakfast scene, effectively blending humor and tension. The unique elements and character interactions enhance the concept.

Plot: 8.5

The plot of the scene progresses smoothly, moving from the school moon project results to the chaotic breakfast scene. The interactions between characters add depth to the plot, setting up potential conflicts and resolutions.

Originality: 9

The scene demonstrates a high level of originality through its authentic portrayal of regional culture and dialect, as well as its nuanced exploration of family dynamics and personal relationships. The characters' actions and dialogue feel genuine and true to life, adding depth and complexity to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters in the scene are well-developed, with distinct personalities and interactions. The dialogue and actions of each character contribute to the overall tone and progression of the scene.

Character Changes: 8

The characters undergo subtle changes in the scene, particularly in their interactions and responses to the chaotic breakfast scene and the police visit. These changes contribute to character development and growth.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to navigate the challenges of family dynamics and personal relationships. Buddy is trying to balance his responsibilities at home while also dealing with the pressures of school and social interactions.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to maintain a positive reputation at school and within his family. He wants to succeed in the Moon project and impress his classmates and teachers.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7.5

The conflict in the scene is primarily internal, with tensions arising from the chaotic breakfast scene and the police visit. The interactions between characters add layers of conflict and resolution.

Opposition: 6

The opposition in the scene is moderate, with subtle conflicts and challenges that add depth to the characters' relationships. The audience is left wondering how the characters will navigate these obstacles.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes in the scene are moderate, with tensions arising from the chaotic breakfast scene and the police visit. The interactions between characters add layers of complexity to the stakes involved.

Story Forward: 8

The scene effectively moves the story forward by introducing new elements such as the school moon project results and the chaotic breakfast scene. The interactions between characters set up potential plot developments.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected interactions between characters and the subtle shifts in tone and mood. The audience is kept on their toes, unsure of how the relationships and conflicts will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

There is a philosophical conflict between the characters' pride in their regional identity and the challenges they face in a changing world. This conflict challenges Buddy's beliefs about his place in the world and his ability to succeed despite his circumstances.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7.5

The scene has a moderate emotional impact, blending humor, tension, and reflection to evoke mixed sentiments from the audience. The interactions between characters add depth to the emotional resonance.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue in the scene is engaging and reflective of the characters' personalities. It effectively conveys humor, tension, and reflection, adding depth to the interactions and overall tone.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its authentic characters, witty dialogue, and emotional depth. The reader is drawn into the world of the story and invested in the characters' struggles and triumphs.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension and emotional depth. The rhythm of the dialogue and action keeps the audience engaged and invested in the characters' journey.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and easy to follow, with proper scene headings and character cues. The dialogue is well-formatted and contributes to the overall flow of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with clear transitions between locations and well-defined character interactions. The pacing and rhythm of the scene contribute to its effectiveness, building tension and emotional depth.


Critique
  • The scene effectively transitions from the excitement of winning a school project to the tension of a family crisis, creating a stark contrast that heightens emotional stakes. However, the abrupt shift from the celebratory atmosphere to the ominous presence of the policeman could be more smoothly integrated to maintain narrative flow.
  • The dialogue between Buddy, Catherine, and PA is light-hearted and captures the innocence of childhood, but it lacks depth in terms of character development. While it serves to establish their relationship, it could benefit from a hint of the underlying tension that the audience is aware of, given the previous scenes.
  • Mackie's humorous commentary about the Ulster Fry and the health concerns adds a layer of dark comedy, which is effective. However, it might overshadow the more serious undertones of the scene. Balancing humor with the gravity of the situation could enhance the emotional impact.
  • The visual description of the Ulster Fry is vivid and engaging, but it could be tied more closely to the emotional state of the characters. For instance, how does the act of cooking relate to the chaos outside? This connection could deepen the audience's understanding of the characters' coping mechanisms amidst turmoil.
  • The introduction of the policeman is a pivotal moment, but the scene could benefit from a more gradual build-up to this tension. Perhaps including subtle hints of unease in the previous dialogue or actions could foreshadow the policeman's arrival, making it feel less abrupt.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a line or two of dialogue that hints at the family's current struggles or the tension in the community, which would create a more cohesive narrative thread leading into the policeman's arrival.
  • Explore the emotional connection between the characters during the celebration. Perhaps include a moment where Buddy and Catherine share a glance that conveys their understanding of the chaos surrounding them, adding depth to their relationship.
  • Balance the humor in Mackie's dialogue with a moment of reflection from Buddy or Ma that acknowledges the seriousness of their situation, creating a more nuanced emotional landscape.
  • Incorporate visual elements that connect the cooking scene to the family's emotional state. For example, show Buddy's nervousness or distraction while watching Mackie cook, hinting at his awareness of the chaos outside.
  • Gradually build tension before the policeman's arrival by including background sounds or visuals that suggest unrest, such as distant shouting or sirens, to create a more seamless transition into the serious moment.



Scene 57 -  A Day of Grief and Urgency
150 EXT. BUDDY’S STREET DAY 150

BUDDY runs, and runs and runs with all his heart.


151 EXT. SPORTSMAN BAR DAY 151

BUDDY waiting outside, upset. A man is about to walk in.

KIND MAN
You alright son?

BUDDY
Will you ask in there for my Daddy please?

KIND MAN
Point out who he is?

The KIND MAN opens the door. BUDDY can see his PA smiling with some of his uncles.
He points. In slow motion, the KIND MAN walks over to PA. BUDDY holds the door of the
bar open. As the KIND MAN reaches him, PA looks up briefly, and then after a beat looks
back to his son at the door. Their faces.


152 INT. GRANNY'S HOUSE / LIVING ROOM - DAY 152

Alone in the room are PA, BUDDY, and the open casket with POP’s body. There is a small
make shift bed in the corner. They are eating fish and chips from the paper. Silence.


153 EXT. GRANNY'S STREET DAY 153

GRANNY watching black clothed figures in the street.


154 INT. GRANNY'S HOUSE / ENTRANCE DAY 154

The front room. MA is gently leading GRANNY up the stairs.


GRANNY
Oh dear...

She struggles.

MA
(To Granny)
It’s alright...
(To Will)
WILL!
(to Granny) )
You’re alright...

GRANNY
Yea.

WILL appears.

MA
Take that note round to Mrs Hewitt, and get the wee
message for your Granny. For her nerves.

WILL goes out the front door, the women turn at the top of the stairs.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary Buddy, filled with urgency, seeks help from a kind man to find his father at the Sportsman Bar. While Buddy waits outside, his father is seen enjoying time with relatives inside. The scene shifts to a somber atmosphere at Granny's house, where Buddy, his father, and the open casket of Pop share a quiet meal, heavy with grief. Granny struggles with her emotions, supported by Ma, while Will is sent to deliver a note for Granny. The scene captures the family's distress and the ongoing dynamics of support amidst their loss.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Authentic performances
  • Reflective atmosphere
Weaknesses
  • Minimal dialogue
  • Lack of external conflict

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys the emotional weight of the characters' grief and the sense of finality that comes with death. The somber tone is well-established, and the interactions between the family members feel authentic and poignant.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring the aftermath of a death within a family is well-executed, providing insight into the characters' emotions and relationships. The scene effectively conveys the themes of loss and reflection.

Plot: 7.5

While the plot of the scene is relatively simple, focusing on the family's reaction to the death of a loved one, it serves as a crucial moment for character development and emotional depth.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh perspective on family dynamics and emotional connections, with authentic character interactions and realistic dialogue. The authenticity of the characters' actions and emotions adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters are well-developed and their emotions feel genuine and relatable. The audience can empathize with their grief and sense of loss, deepening the emotional impact of the scene.

Character Changes: 8

The characters undergo emotional changes as they come to terms with the death of a family member. Their grief and reflection lead to personal growth and introspection.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to seek validation and connection from his father, as seen in his request for the man to ask for his Daddy inside the bar. This reflects his deeper need for acceptance and love from his family.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to reunite with his father and be acknowledged by him in front of his family. This reflects the immediate challenge of seeking approval and recognition.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 2

The conflict in the scene is internal, as the characters grapple with their emotions and the reality of their loss. There is no external conflict driving the scene.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create tension and uncertainty, adding depth to the protagonist's journey and keeping the audience engaged.

High Stakes: 3

The stakes in the scene are primarily emotional, as the characters grapple with the loss of a loved one and the impact it has on their family dynamic.

Story Forward: 6

While the scene does not significantly move the plot forward in terms of external events, it deepens the emotional complexity of the characters and sets the stage for future developments.

Unpredictability: 6

This scene is unpredictable in terms of emotional revelations and character dynamics, keeping the audience invested in the outcome of the protagonist's interactions.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the themes of family dynamics and emotional connection. The protagonist's desire for his father's attention clashes with the complexities of familial relationships and expectations.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking feelings of sadness and empathy in the audience. The raw emotions displayed by the characters resonate deeply and leave a lasting impression.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue in the scene is minimal but impactful, conveying the characters' emotions and the weight of the situation. The silence and non-verbal communication also play a significant role in conveying the characters' grief.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its emotional depth and relatable themes of family relationships and personal struggles. The audience is drawn into the characters' emotional journey.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by allowing for moments of emotional resonance and character development. The rhythm of the dialogue enhances the scene's impact.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings and concise descriptions of locations and character actions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a traditional structure for its genre, with clear transitions between locations and well-paced dialogue sequences.


Critique
  • The scene effectively conveys a sense of urgency and emotional weight through Buddy's actions and the somber setting. However, the transition from the previous scene to this one feels abrupt. The emotional shift from the tension with the policeman to the quiet grief in Granny's house could be better bridged to enhance the narrative flow.
  • The use of slow motion when the kind man approaches Buddy's father is a strong visual choice that emphasizes the emotional connection between father and son. However, it may benefit from a clearer emotional context. What is Buddy feeling in this moment? Is it hope, fear, or desperation? Adding a brief internal monologue or visual cue could deepen the audience's understanding of Buddy's emotional state.
  • The dialogue is minimal, which works well in conveying the heaviness of the moment. However, the scene could benefit from a few more lines that reflect the characters' internal struggles or memories of Pop. This would add depth to the scene and allow the audience to connect more with the characters' grief.
  • The description of the setting is effective in establishing the somber mood, but it could be enhanced by incorporating sensory details. For example, describing the smell of fish and chips or the sound of the street outside could create a more immersive experience for the audience.
  • The pacing of the scene is generally good, but the transition from the bar to Granny's house could be smoother. Consider using a visual or auditory cue that links the two locations, such as the sound of laughter from the bar fading into the silence of Granny's house.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief internal thought or feeling from Buddy as he waits outside the Sportsman Bar to provide insight into his emotional state.
  • Enhance the transition between the previous scene and this one by including a line of dialogue or a visual cue that connects the tension with the policeman to the grief in Granny's house.
  • Incorporate sensory details to enrich the setting, such as the aroma of the fish and chips or the sounds of the street, to create a more vivid atmosphere.
  • Add a few lines of dialogue or reflections from Buddy or PA about Pop to deepen the emotional impact of the scene and provide context for their grief.
  • Consider using a visual or auditory element to bridge the transition from the bar to Granny's house, such as the fading sound of laughter or music from the bar.



Scene 58 -  A Farewell of Gratitude
155 INT. GRANNY'S HOUSE / LIVING ROOM DAY 155

BUDDY
That was a lot of people that came to see him today.

PA
Aye. He was very popular.
And he owed half of them money.

BUDDY
He used to help me with my maths.

Beat.

PA
He was a very deep thinker. Very deep thinker.

BUDDY
Did he help you?

PA
Yeh...yeh he did help me...he helped me a lot.


MINISTER (O.S.)
...for now we see through a glass darkly...


156 EXT. CEMETERY DAY 156

The funeral. A big crowd. The same minister. The family side by side.

MINISTER
... face to face: for now I know in part; but then I shall
know as also I am known...
When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as
a child, I thought as a child, but then I became a man
and I put away childish things...
So do now say in grief that you are sorry he is gone.
Rather say in thankfulness you are grateful he was
here...

GRANNY grabs PA. BUDDY joins the hug.

They leave the cemetery slowly.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary In Granny's living room, Buddy and Pa reflect on the life of a deceased individual who had a significant impact on them, despite his financial troubles. As they transition to the cemetery for the funeral, a large crowd gathers, and the minister delivers a eulogy that emphasizes gratitude for the deceased's contributions rather than sorrow. Granny seeks comfort from Pa and Buddy, and they share a heartfelt moment together. The scene concludes with the family leaving the cemetery, united in their shared grief and support for one another.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Poignant atmosphere
  • Character interactions
Weaknesses
  • Lack of external conflict
  • Limited character development

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys the emotional weight of the funeral and the family's reflections on the deceased. The somber tone and reflective sentiments create a poignant atmosphere that resonates with the audience.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring the aftermath of a funeral and the family's emotional journey is well-executed in the scene. It delves into themes of grief, gratitude, and reflection, providing depth to the characters and their relationships.

Plot: 8

The plot focuses on the family's reactions and reflections after the funeral, moving the story forward by delving into their emotional journey. It adds depth to the characters and sets the stage for potential character development.

Originality: 8

The scene offers a fresh approach to the theme of grief and loss by focusing on gratitude and acceptance rather than sorrow. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters are portrayed with depth and emotion, allowing the audience to connect with their grief and gratitude. The interactions between family members reveal their relationships and individual personalities, enhancing the scene's impact.

Character Changes: 7

While there are no significant character changes in the scene, the emotional journey of the characters is evident as they come to terms with their loss and express their gratitude. The scene sets the stage for potential character development in future scenes.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to come to terms with the loss of a loved one and find solace in the memories and teachings of the deceased. This reflects their deeper need for closure and emotional healing.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to support their family members and show solidarity in their grief. This reflects the immediate circumstances of attending a funeral and facing the reality of death.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 3

The scene lacks significant conflict, focusing more on emotional turmoil and reflection after the funeral. The conflict is internal, as the characters come to terms with their loss and express their gratitude.

Opposition: 5

The opposition in this scene is minimal, as the characters come together in grief and support each other without significant conflict or obstacles.

High Stakes: 4

The stakes are relatively low in the scene, focusing more on emotional turmoil and reflection after the funeral. While the characters are grappling with grief and gratitude, there is no immediate threat or high-stakes conflict present.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by exploring the aftermath of the funeral and the family's emotional journey. It sets the stage for potential developments in the characters' arcs and relationships, adding depth to the narrative.

Unpredictability: 6

This scene is predictable in its setting and themes of grief and loss, but the emotional depth and character interactions keep the audience engaged.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the acceptance of death and finding gratitude in the presence of the deceased rather than focusing on the loss. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs about grief and mourning.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking feelings of sadness, gratitude, and reflection in the audience. The somber tone and heartfelt interactions between characters resonate deeply, creating a poignant atmosphere.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue is poignant and reflective, capturing the characters' emotions and thoughts after the funeral. It adds depth to their interactions and conveys the somber tone of the scene effectively.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the emotional depth of the characters, the relatable themes of grief and gratitude, and the intimate moments shared between family members.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and emotion, allowing for moments of reflection and intimacy to resonate with the audience.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene adheres to the expected format for a screenplay, with clear scene headings and dialogue formatting that enhances readability.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for a funeral scene, with a mix of dialogue and scene direction that effectively conveys the emotional weight of the moment.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the somber atmosphere of a funeral, reflecting on the themes of loss and remembrance. The dialogue between Buddy and Pa provides a personal touch, allowing the audience to connect with the characters' emotions. However, the transition from the living room to the cemetery could be smoother; the abrupt shift may disrupt the emotional flow. Consider adding a brief moment of silence or a visual cue that signifies the transition from the intimate setting of Granny's house to the more public and solemn environment of the cemetery.
  • The dialogue is poignant, particularly Buddy's reflection on how the deceased helped him with math. This moment adds depth to Buddy's character and highlights the impact of the deceased on his life. However, the line 'he owed half of them money' feels somewhat jarring in the context of a funeral. While it adds a touch of humor, it may undermine the gravity of the moment. A more subtle approach to this line could maintain the tone of the scene while still acknowledging the deceased's relationships.
  • The minister's voiceover is a strong choice, as it adds a layer of philosophical reflection to the scene. However, the transition from the living room dialogue to the minister's speech could be enhanced by incorporating Buddy's or Pa's reactions to the minister's words. This would create a more cohesive emotional arc and allow the audience to see how the characters are processing their grief in real-time.
  • The visual imagery of the funeral is effective, but it could be enriched by including more sensory details. Describing the sights, sounds, and even smells of the cemetery could immerse the audience further into the scene. For example, mentioning the rustling of leaves, the somber expressions of the attendees, or the sound of the minister's voice echoing could enhance the atmosphere.
  • The final moment of the hug between Granny, Pa, and Buddy is a touching conclusion to the scene. However, it could be strengthened by adding a line of dialogue or a shared memory that encapsulates the essence of the deceased. This would provide a more profound emotional resonance and leave the audience with a lasting impression of the character's legacy.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment of silence or a visual cue to transition smoothly from the living room to the cemetery, enhancing the emotional flow.
  • Rework the line about the deceased owing money to maintain the scene's gravity; perhaps frame it in a more reflective manner that acknowledges the complexity of relationships.
  • Incorporate Buddy's or Pa's reactions to the minister's speech to create a cohesive emotional arc and show how they are processing their grief.
  • Enhance the sensory details in the cemetery scene to immerse the audience further, describing the environment and the emotions of the attendees.
  • Add a line of dialogue or a shared memory during the hug at the end to encapsulate the essence of the deceased, providing a more profound emotional resonance.



Scene 59 -  A Bittersweet Farewell
157 INT. WEE CLUB EVENING 157

The wake, the farewell party, the last family ‘do’. Dancing, singing, children running
everywhere, drink and sandwiches.

LOVE AFFAIR kicks in with the stirring intro to EVERLASTING LOVE. PA grabs the mic, the
dance floor clears to leave MA there, dancing alone as the crowd dances at the side, and
PA belts out the song to her.

PA/LOVE AFFAIR
(sings)
Hearts go astray, leaving hurt when they go,
I went away just when you needed me so,
You won’t regret I come back beggin’ you,
Won’t you, forget. Where’s The love we once knew?
Open up your eyes, then you’ll realize, here I stand,
With my everlasting love,
Need you by my side, girl you’ll be my bride,
You’ll never be denied everlasting love,
From the very start, open up your heart,
Be a lasting part of everlasting love

The whole crowd joins in the dance.


LOVE AFFAIR
(sings)
Real love will last for ever,
Real love will last for ever!


158 EXT. BELFAST EARLY MORNING 158

High above the city.


159 EXT. POP’S EMPTY BACKYARD DAY 159

The abandoned saddle. The flutter of the curtains. Quiet.


160 EXT. BACK ENTRY EARLY MORNING 160

MA, PA, BUDDY and WILL walk side by side, carrying their belongings.


161 EXT. BUS STOP EARLY MORNING 161

They’re waiting for the bus at the end of GRANNY’s street. MA looks at her watch.
There’s time. Nods to PA and gives him a bunch of flowers.

He signals to BUDDY and they walk off.
Genres: ["Drama","Family"]

Summary During a lively wake and farewell party, PA sings 'Everlasting Love' to MA, who dances alone in the center of the celebration, embodying their deep connection. The emotional atmosphere blends joy and sorrow as the community comes together to honor love amidst loss. As the scene transitions to early morning, MA, PA, BUDDY, and WILL prepare to leave, symbolizing a shared journey ahead. The scene concludes with MA gifting PA a bunch of flowers, marking a hopeful new beginning after their heartfelt goodbye.
Strengths
  • Emotional resonance
  • Musical performance
  • Character depth
Weaknesses
  • Minimal external conflict
  • Limited dialogue

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys a sense of closure and transition, with strong emotional resonance and a well-executed musical performance that adds depth to the moment.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of bidding farewell and reflecting on the past is effectively conveyed through the scene, highlighting the family's bond and the bittersweet nature of leaving their home.

Plot: 8

The plot progression focuses on the family's decision to leave and the emotional impact it has on each member, setting the stage for a significant change in their lives.

Originality: 8

The scene offers a fresh approach to the theme of love and departure, with authentic character interactions and dialogue that feel genuine and relatable.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters' emotions and relationships are well-developed, especially in the poignant moments of reflection and farewell, showcasing their depth and complexity.

Character Changes: 7

While there is not a significant character arc within the scene, the emotional impact and reflection contribute to subtle changes in the characters' perspectives and relationships.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to express his love and appreciation for his wife through song and dance, reflecting his deeper desire for connection and emotional fulfillment.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to create a memorable farewell party for his family, reflecting the immediate circumstances of their impending departure.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 3

The scene is more focused on emotional resolution and reflection than on external conflict, emphasizing the internal struggles of the characters.

Opposition: 5

The opposition in this scene is minimal, with the focus on emotional connection and farewell rather than external conflict.

High Stakes: 6

The stakes are emotional and personal, as the family faces the challenge of leaving their home and starting anew, with a sense of loss and uncertainty.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by setting the stage for the family's departure and highlighting the emotional stakes involved in their decision.

Unpredictability: 6

This scene is somewhat predictable in its emotional beats and character interactions, but the genuine emotion and heartfelt dialogue keep the audience invested.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

There is a philosophical conflict between the fleeting nature of love and the desire for everlasting connection, challenging the protagonist's beliefs about the permanence of relationships.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes a strong emotional response from the audience, capturing the bittersweet nature of farewell and the family's emotional journey.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue is minimal but impactful, with the lyrics of 'Everlasting Love' adding depth and emotional resonance to the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its emotional depth, relatable characters, and nostalgic atmosphere that draws the audience in.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and emotion, leading to a poignant and memorable moment of connection between the characters.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and dialogue that enhance the emotional impact of the moment.

Structure: 9

The scene follows a clear and engaging structure, effectively building tension and emotion through the protagonist's actions and dialogue.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the emotional weight of a farewell party, juxtaposing the joy of celebration with the underlying sadness of loss. The use of the song 'Everlasting Love' is a poignant choice, as it reflects themes of love and longing, enhancing the emotional resonance of the moment.
  • The transition from the wake to the early morning scenes is well-executed, creating a sense of continuity and emphasizing the passage of time. However, the abrupt shift from the lively atmosphere of the wake to the quietness of Pop's empty backyard could benefit from a more gradual transition to maintain emotional flow.
  • The dialogue is minimal, relying heavily on the song lyrics to convey the emotional stakes. While this can be effective, adding a few lines of dialogue between characters during the wake could deepen the audience's connection to their relationships and the significance of the event.
  • The visual imagery of the empty backyard and the fluttering curtains effectively symbolizes loss and absence, but it may be beneficial to include more sensory details to enhance the atmosphere. For example, describing the sounds of laughter or the smell of food during the wake could create a more immersive experience.
  • The final moments of the scene, where the family walks side by side with their belongings, effectively convey a sense of unity and resilience. However, it might be more impactful to include a brief moment of reflection or dialogue that encapsulates their feelings about leaving, providing a stronger emotional anchor for the audience.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a few lines of dialogue among family members during the wake to highlight their relationships and shared memories, which would enhance the emotional depth of the scene.
  • Introduce a gradual transition between the lively wake and the quiet moments in the backyard to maintain emotional continuity. This could involve a brief montage of the party winding down before shifting to the empty spaces.
  • Incorporate more sensory details during the wake, such as sounds, smells, and visual elements, to create a richer atmosphere that immerses the audience in the scene.
  • Explore the characters' emotions as they prepare to leave by including a moment of reflection or a poignant exchange that encapsulates their feelings about the departure, adding weight to the final moments of the scene.
  • Consider using the song lyrics as a backdrop for character interactions, allowing them to comment on the song or relate it to their experiences, which could deepen the thematic connection between the music and the narrative.



Scene 60 -  Bittersweet Farewell
162 EXT. CATHERINE’S STREET EARLY MORNING 162

PA waits on the other side of the road. CATHERINE’S MOTHER opens the front door.

CATHERINE’S MOTHER
Hi Buddy.

BUDDY
Hello.

The mother steps aside to let CATHERINE through. BUDDY hands her the bunch of
flowers, and a piece of paper with his address on it. She gives him a piece of paper too, and
a little book, ‘Maths made easy’.

BUDDY (CONT'D)
Thanks.

CATHERINE
Thanks.


They stare at each other.

BUDDY
I’ll come back.

CATHERINE
Make sure you do.

BUDDY
Cheerio.

CATHERINE
Cheerio.

He walks back to his PA. She watches him from the front door.

BUDDY
Daddy, do you think me an’ that wee girl have a
future?

PA
Why the heck not?

BUDDY
You know she’s a Catholic?

PA kneels down to face him.

PA
That wee girl can be a practicing Hindu, or a
Southern Baptist or a Vegetarian Anti-Christ. But if
she’s kind and she’s fair, and you two respect each
other, she an’ her people are welcome in our house
any day of the week. Agreed?

BUDDY nods.

PA (CONT'D)
Mind you, does that mean you and me have to start
goin’ to confession?

BUDDY
Probably.

PA
That’s us two in trouble then...


163 EXT. BUS STOP EARLY MORNING 163

GRANNY walks slowly away from the bus. Turns and watches as the Bus slowly moves
away. MA, PA, BUDDY and WILL are onboard.

GRANNY
Go.
Go now.
Don’t look back.
I love you son.

The bus pulls away.

Just a whiff of exhaust fumes hanging in the air is all that is left of them now.

GRANNY slowly closes her front door, leans her head against the glass and silently weeps

FADE TO BLACK:


164 ON THE SCREEN 164

As we slowly fade the following words appear on screen.


FOR THE ONES WHO STAYED.

Dissolve to colour and to the shipyard at twilight


FOR THE ONES WHO LEFT.

The massive cranes still dominate the modern city The street lights beyond start to come
on, to defy the encroaching dark.


AND FOR ALL THE ONES WHO WERE LOST

Fade to black.

WHEN THE HEALING HAS BEGUN by Van Morrison starts to play as the credits roll.
Genres: ["Drama","Romance"]

Summary In the early morning, Buddy meets Catherine outside her home, exchanging flowers and notes that symbolize their budding connection. Despite their different backgrounds, Buddy seeks reassurance from his PA about their future together, who emphasizes the importance of mutual respect. As Buddy departs on a bus with his family, Granny watches with tears, mourning their separation. The scene concludes with a poignant message honoring those impacted by their journey, set against a backdrop of emotional music.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Strong character relationships
  • Poignant visuals
Weaknesses
  • Limited external conflict
  • Some dialogue may be overly sentimental

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9.2

The scene is emotionally resonant, well-structured, and impactful. It effectively conveys the complex emotions of the characters and sets the stage for a new chapter in their lives.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of bidding farewell to loved ones and starting anew is a timeless and relatable theme. The scene handles this concept with sensitivity and depth.

Plot: 9

The plot of the scene revolves around the emotional farewell of the characters and the beginning of a new journey. It effectively moves the story forward and sets the stage for future developments.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh perspective on cultural differences and acceptance in relationships. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and relatable.


Character Development

Characters: 9.2

The characters are well-developed and their emotions are portrayed authentically. The relationships between the characters are central to the scene and drive the emotional impact.

Character Changes: 8

The characters undergo subtle changes as they say goodbye to their past and embrace a new future. The emotional journey they go through shapes their growth.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to navigate his feelings for Catherine and understand if their relationship has a future despite their different backgrounds. This reflects his desire for love and connection.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to maintain a relationship with Catherine despite potential societal or familial obstacles. This reflects the immediate challenge of cultural differences and acceptance.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

While there is an underlying tension and conflict in the scene, the focus is more on the emotional journey of the characters rather than external conflicts.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is subtle but present in the form of societal expectations and potential conflicts with family members.

High Stakes: 7

While the stakes are not life-threatening, the emotional stakes are high as the characters navigate the complexities of love, acceptance, and new beginnings.

Story Forward: 9

The scene effectively moves the story forward by setting up new challenges and opportunities for the characters. It marks a significant turning point in the narrative.

Unpredictability: 7

The scene is somewhat predictable in its outcome, but the emotional nuances and philosophical conflict add layers of complexity.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict is evident in the conversation between Buddy and his PA about accepting others regardless of their beliefs. It challenges traditional views on relationships and acceptance.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9.5

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking feelings of nostalgia, hope, and melancholy. The audience is likely to be deeply moved by the heartfelt moments portrayed.

Dialogue: 8.8

The dialogue is heartfelt and realistic, capturing the emotional nuances of the characters. It adds depth to the relationships and enhances the overall impact of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the emotional depth, relatable characters, and subtle tension between the protagonist and his family.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is well-balanced, allowing for emotional moments to resonate while keeping the story moving forward.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and easy to follow, with concise descriptions and dialogue cues.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a traditional structure for a character-driven drama, focusing on interpersonal relationships and emotional depth.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures a poignant moment of youthful innocence and the complexities of inter-community relationships in Belfast. Buddy's interaction with Catherine is sweet and genuine, showcasing their budding connection amidst the backdrop of their differing backgrounds. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtext to deepen the emotional stakes. For instance, while Buddy's concern about Catherine being a Catholic is addressed, it might be more impactful if he expressed a deeper fear or uncertainty about how their families would react, adding tension to their innocent exchange.
  • The father's response to Buddy's concerns is commendable, emphasizing love and acceptance over sectarian divides. However, the humor in the line about confession feels slightly out of place given the emotional weight of the moment. It could be rephrased or delivered in a way that maintains the light-heartedness without undermining the seriousness of the conversation about their future.
  • The transition from the intimate moment between Buddy and Catherine to Granny's farewell is effective, but it could be enhanced by a stronger visual or auditory cue that signifies the shift in tone. For example, incorporating a sound motif or a visual element that connects the two scenes could create a more seamless transition.
  • Granny's emotional farewell is powerful, but the scene could benefit from a more explicit visual representation of her feelings. Perhaps showing her holding onto something that symbolizes her connection to Buddy or the family could add depth to her character and the emotional stakes of the departure.
  • The fade to black and the subsequent text on the screen serve as a strong thematic conclusion, but the transition could be more gradual. Instead of an abrupt fade, consider a slow zoom out from Granny's face to the bus leaving, allowing the audience to linger on the emotional weight of the moment before transitioning to the text.
Suggestions
  • Enhance the dialogue between Buddy and Catherine by incorporating more subtext about their fears regarding their families' reactions to their friendship.
  • Rephrase or adjust the humor in PA's response to maintain the emotional gravity of the conversation while still allowing for a light-hearted moment.
  • Consider adding a visual or auditory cue to signify the transition from the intimate moment between Buddy and Catherine to Granny's farewell, creating a more seamless flow.
  • Include a visual representation of Granny's emotional state, such as her holding a family photo or a keepsake, to deepen the audience's connection to her character.
  • Make the transition to the fade to black more gradual, perhaps by zooming out from Granny's face to the bus leaving, allowing the audience to fully absorb the emotional impact before the text appears.