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Scene 1 -  Reddington's Surrender: A Puzzle for the FBI
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 9
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 9
  • Dialogue: 8
THE BLACKLIST


Written by
Jon Bokenkamp




December 28, 2012
TEASER

We hear RESTLESS VOICES. Screaming children. The swell of a
hundred fighting languages tells us we’re stuck in line at...

INT. U.S. CUSTOMS - DAY

The place is packed. Smells like travel. Among this dizzy
mob, one very composed American commands our attention. He
approaches the window and opens his passport --

-- Meet RAYMOND “RED” REDDINGTON (55). Dignified. Worldly.
He wears a perfectly tailored suit and carries himself with
a sense of purpose.

CUSTOMS AGENT
Where you been, sir?

RED
Singapore. Business.

CUSTOMS AGENT
And where we headed?

RED
Home.

Red smiles. His confidence is magnetic. As the agent STAMPS
his passport, Mel Torme’s driving “Comin’ Home Baby” sends us
hurtling through:

EXT. WASHINGTON, D.C. - DAY

We dance through the capitol city. The National Mall. The
Lincoln Memorial. The pace is energetic and bright as --

-- Red is chauffeured through the city by A MAN IN A GREY
FLANNEL SUIT. Passing monuments reflect in the glass of his
limo as Red rolls down the window, drinks in his hometown.

ON PENNSYLVANIA AVENUE...

Red steps from the car. Finds himself standing in the shadow
of a daunting concrete structure. He looks up, delighted to
see the words etched in the facade: J. Edgar Hoover Building.

INSIDE F.B.I. HEADQUARTERS...

Red strides through the lobby with purpose. He’s been here
before. Belongs here. Finds his way to a FEMALE GUARD at
the security desk.

RED
Good afternoon. I’m here to see
Assistant Director Harold Cooper.
2.

GUARD
Do you have an appointment?

RED
Tell him it’s Raymond Reddington.

The Guard scowls and calls upstairs. Red waits. Takes in
the details around him; the bulletproof glass, the American
flag, the display of the “Ten Most Wanted” on the lobby wall.

Red takes off his jacket, folds it neatly, and places it on
the ground next to his briefcase.

The Female Guard listens to the voice on the other end of the
line, watching Red as --

-- he lowers himself to his knees over the F.B.I. seal in the
terrazzo floor. A passing AGENT sees this. Looks uneasy.

The poor Guard on the phone can hardly comprehend what she’s
hearing. She follows Red’s eyes. Sees what Red sees. He’s
staring at a picture of HIS OWN FACE among...

THE TEN MOST WANTED.

Red CLASPS HIS HANDS behind his head. Closes his eyes. The
Guard calls for backup, but before she can muster the words --

-- ALARMS SOUND. METAL CURTAINS drop over the windows.

The entire F.B.I. goes into ‘LOCKDOWN’ as F.B.I. POLICE swarm
Red, WEAPONS drawn and SCREAMING into their radios.

But Red’s calm. Proud perhaps. As he’s thrown to the ground
his expression tells us this is a day Red has anticipated for
years. We DRIFT UP, over the chaos, past the American flag.

The F.B.I.’s NUMBER FOUR MOST WANTED has just surrendered.

INT. FT. MEADE / N.S.A. - SAME

A winded STAFFER rushes into a packed boardroom. Pulls aside
ASSISTANT DIRECTOR OF COUNTERTERRORISM, HAROLD COOPER (52).
He’s worn by life. A natural cynic. The Staffer whispers.

COOPER
(thunderstruck)
How is that even possible?!

INT. ROOFTOP / F.B.I. HEADQUARTERS - SAME

A Sikorsky S-76 lands and delivers Cooper who is met by AGENT
DONALD RESSLER (42), square-jawed and seasoned. This job is
his life. They duck the rotors, shouting over the chopper --
3.

RESSLER
Ressler. Washington Field office.
I’m the case agent on Reddington.

COOPER
When did this happen?

RESSLER
Under an hour ago.

COOPER
We confirm it’s actually him?

RESSLER
It’s him alright. Prints match.
Tattoos. He even volunteered
classified details about our
Brussels mission in ‘08.

COOPER
What happened in Brussels?

RESSLER
Sir? We tried to kill him, sir.

INT. SECURITY NEST / F.B.I. - SAME

F.B.I. TECHs sit behind glowing control panels. Monitors
cover the walls. The screens depict various angles of Red
chained to the floor. Cooper nears a monitor, captivated.

COOPER
Christ, it really is him.

He turns to the glass and approaches Ressler. They watch Red
like a fish in a jar. Even in captivity, Red carries himself
with unquestionable presence.

RESSLER
Came in with a briefcase containing
every alias he’s ever used. Most
of ‘em we’ve never heard of.

COOPER
What’s he want?

RESSLER
Don’t know. Won’t talk. The guy’s
a goddamned stone.

Cooper watches Red, unsettled, as we hear --

RESSLER (O.S.)
Raymond “Red” Reddington grew up
the son of an army brat...
4.
Genres: ["Crime","Thriller","Drama"]

Summary Raymond 'Red' Reddington, the FBI's Most Wanted, unexpectedly turns himself in, triggering lockdown and confusion. Assistant Director Cooper and Agent Ressler investigate, revealing Reddington surrendered classified information about a failed Brussels mission where the FBI attempted to assassinate him. With Reddington's motives unknown and his demeanor enigmatic, the FBI grapples with intrigue and uncertainty as they seek to understand his cryptic actions.
Strengths
  • Engaging premise
  • Strong character introduction
  • Tension and suspense
  • Well-defined conflict
Weaknesses
  • Some cliched elements
  • Predictable setup
Critique
  • The scene effectively sets up the character of Raymond 'Red' Reddington as a confident and enigmatic figure, surrendering himself at FBI headquarters. The use of contrasting elements, such as his composed demeanor amidst chaos and the revelation of his own face on the 'Ten Most Wanted' list, adds depth to his character.
  • The introduction of Assistant Director Harold Cooper and Agent Donald Ressler provides context and establishes the significance of Red's surrender within the FBI. The tension and intrigue surrounding Red's past actions, including volunteering classified information about a failed mission, create a compelling narrative.
  • The scene effectively builds suspense and sets the stage for future developments, such as Red's motives for surrendering and the potential impact on the FBI's operations. The use of visual and auditory cues, such as alarms sounding and metal curtains dropping, enhances the dramatic impact of Red's surrender.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more dialogue or internal monologue for Red to provide insight into his motivations and mindset. This could help deepen his character and create a stronger connection with the audience.
  • Explore the dynamic between Red, Cooper, and Ressler further to establish their relationships and potential conflicts. This could add layers to the narrative and create more opportunities for character development.
  • Consider incorporating flashbacks or additional visual cues to provide context for Red's past actions and establish a sense of mystery surrounding his character. This could enhance the intrigue and suspense of the scene.



Scene 2 -  Reddington's Profile
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 7
  • Characters: 9
  • Dialogue: 7
INT. WAR ROOM - SAME

Ressler briefs a packed room of agents, analysts and legal
staffers. CLASSIFIED IMAGES fill giant monitors overhead.

RESSLER
...he attended West Point. Top of
his class. By thirty he was an
intelligence officer in the Army.
Made Captain. Military Liaison
Officer to the N.S.A.

It’s a life in photos, the American Dream.

RESSLER
Then, in 1990, Reddington’s headed
home to see his wife and daughter
for Christmas. He never arrived.

We see CRIME SCENE PHOTO of a snow covered hatchback on a
desolate mountain road.

RESSLER
His vehicle was discovered along a
stretch of highway thirty-three in
the Allegheny Mountains. Christmas
gifts for his wife and kid in the
back of the car.

We see snapshots of SEARCH PARTIES and NEWSPAPER HEADLINES.

RESSLER
There were searches. Candle light
vigils. No answers. This guy up
and disappeared from the face of
the earth...

The screens go dark, then reignite with a single surveillance
photo of a GHOSTLY IMAGE; a bearded shadow of a man.

RESSLER
...until four years later when U.S.
military secrets started turning up
in South Asia. The leak was traced
to Reddington. Turns out he was
trading military strategies with
New Delhi; brokering arms deals for
the North Koreans. Four years
after going AWOL, this decorated
soldier re-emerges as an enigma.

We’re struck with a barrage of CLASSIFIED PHOTOS. Red in
secret meetings and exotic countries. The birth of a legend.
5.

RESSLER
His military background would lead
you to believe he’s some sort of
spy, but he’s not. This guy’s an
equal opportunity offender; a
“facilitator” of sorts who’s built
an enterprise brokering deals for
fellow criminals. We know he’s
orchestrated the assassinations of
federal inmates, laundered money
for the mob, and bought judges only
to have them killed. Last year, he
personally negotiated a month long
cease-fire between the la Familia
drug cartel and the Calderon
government. He has no country. No
political agenda. Best we can tell
Reddington’s only allegiance is to
the highest bidder.

AGENT
They call him something. In the
papers.

RESSLER
The Concierge of Crime.

We linger on an eerie photo of Red. Eyes locked on us.

INT. SECURITY NEST - DAY

Ressler and Cooper are little more than silhouettes looking
through the window, watching Red in his interrogation cell.

COOPER
Call Lab Services. Have them fit
him with a VeriChip RFID tag.

RESSLER
You think he’s going somewhere?

COOPER
Not on my watch.
Genres: ["Crime","Thriller","Drama"]

Summary Ressler briefs a team on Raymond “Red” Reddington, a former top Army intelligence officer who vanished in 1990 and resurfaced four years later as a renowned criminal known as “The Concierge of Crime.”
Strengths
  • Detailed backstory of Reddington
  • Intriguing premise
  • Complex character dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Limited emotional depth
  • Dialogue could be more dynamic
Critique
  • The scene effectively provides background information on Raymond Reddington, establishing his mysterious and enigmatic persona through classified images and narration by Ressler.
  • The use of visuals such as crime scene photos, search parties, and newspaper headlines helps to create a sense of intrigue and mystery surrounding Reddington's disappearance and re-emergence as 'The Concierge of Crime.'
  • The dialogue between Ressler and the agents effectively conveys Reddington's transformation from a decorated military officer to a criminal mastermind, highlighting his complex and morally ambiguous character.
  • The transition from the war room briefing to the security nest where Red is being monitored adds a layer of tension and anticipation, setting the stage for future interactions between Reddington and the FBI.
  • The scene effectively sets up the central conflict between Reddington and the FBI, hinting at a cat-and-mouse game that will unfold throughout the script.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more visual elements or flashbacks to further illustrate Reddington's transformation and criminal activities, enhancing the audience's understanding of his character.
  • Explore opportunities to deepen the emotional impact of Reddington's disappearance on his family, potentially through a flashback or a personal anecdote from Ressler.
  • Introduce subtle hints or foreshadowing of future plot developments to keep the audience engaged and intrigued by the unfolding narrative.
  • Consider incorporating more dynamic camera angles or visual effects to enhance the visual storytelling and create a sense of urgency and suspense in the scene.
  • Ensure a smooth transition between the war room briefing and the security nest scene to maintain the pacing and flow of the script.



Scene 3 -  Red's Revelation
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 9
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 9
INT. INTERROGATION CELL - DAY

Red watches ARMED AGENTS escort a DOCTOR into his cell. The
Doctor loads a small CHIP, the size of a grain of rice, into
a digital syringe. Injects the device into Red’s shoulder.

IN THE SECURITY NEST...

A SCANNER lights up. Beeps twice.
6.

TECH
He’s on-line.

As Red’s cell is vacated, the agents discuss what’s next.
Red rubs his shoulder. Turns to a SECURITY CAMERA --

RED
(on the monitor)
It appears someone with the
authority to make decisions has
arrived. Good to see you again,
Agent Cooper.

-- the control room realizes Red is speaking to them through
the security monitors. Cooper turns. The room falls silent.

RED
We need to move quickly and I know
you have many questions, so let’s
begin with the most important one:
why I’m here.

We INTERCUT between the agents and Red, who speaks through
the camera like some Orwellian tyrant. Red stands.

RED
I’m going to help you capture a
criminal you don’t know exists.

RESSLER
What’s he talking about?

COOPER
Turn it up.

RED
Of course, you’re familiar with his
crimes. Counterintelligence is
monitoring his criminal enterprise
through the Patriot Act, the Hague
wants him for war crimes, CIA calls
him the Serbian Ghost.
(flat)
I can tell you his real name is
Ranko Zamani. You want him. I
want him. Let’s say that for the
moment our interests are aligned.

Cooper can’t believe what he’s hearing --

COOPER
Feed this through to the Assistant
A.G. of Counterterrorism.
7.

RESSLER
Get Main Justice on the phone.

With a few keystrokes, an ANALYST brings up the dossier of
RANKO ZAMANI. Classified details unfold on the monitors.

ANALYST
(off his computer)
...Ranko Sinisa Zamani. Serbian
National. Educated in the U.S.
Key player in the Yugoslav wars...

Zamani’s a gaunt little man. Haunting eyes. He wears a rash
of CHEMICAL BURNS on his neck and jaw. Red continues to fill
in details about Zamani as --

-- an ANALYST beckons Cooper and shows him a classified file
on his monitor. Cooper turns. Walks directly into...

RED’S INTERROGATION CELL.

RED
Agent Cooper, you’re not trained in
interrogation.

COOPER
I don’t know what you think is
gonna happen here, but this --

RED
I’m giving you Zamani.

COOPER
Ranko Zamani died twelve years ago.
He’s a non-existent threat.

RED
And you believe that?

COOPER
It’s a fact. Serbian courts had
him declared dead in 2008.

RED
Then a dead man just stepped off
United 283 from Munich to Dulles.

Cooper’s expression goes flat as we SMASH CUT TO:

INT. DULLES INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT - SAME

Agents are escorted through the terminal by airport police.

IN THE CONTROL ROOM...
8.

POLICE annex flight manifests. Roll back security footage.
Agents freeze-frame an image of a man who’s little more than
a twisted shadow. His eyes just catch the camera. Ranko
Zamani. The Serbian Ghost.

ANALYST (O.S.)
...entered the country under the
name Sacha M. Chacko.

INT. WAR ROOM / F.B.I. - SAME

Images of Zamani flip across screens as STAFF LAWYERS and
ANALYSTS scramble to reconstruct what they know. Like a
buzzing newsroom, the stream of incoming intel is constant.

ANALYST
Cleared customs at 10:56 AM.

ANALYST #2
Counterintelligence has financial
indicators Red helped Zamani flee
Cairo in February of ‘03 --

Ressler storms into the room, voice booming.

RESSLER
Okay, listen up, people. The lab
just pulled a latent print off an
airline arm rest. Nine points of
comparison. Zamani’s alive.
(provoked)
Number Four does not surrender to
settle a score. I wanna know what
these two are planning; scour every
phone record, every bank account.
Somebody tell me what is going on.
Genres: ["Crime","Thriller","Drama"]

Summary In an interrogation cell under surveillance, Red informs agents of Ranko Zamani's presence in the country, despite being presumed dead. The FBI launches an investigation to track Zamani's movements.
Strengths
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Complex plot twists
  • High stakes
  • Mysterious character dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Some exposition-heavy dialogue
  • Limited physical action
Critique
  • The scene starts with a strong visual of Red getting a chip injected into his shoulder, but the transition to the security nest feels abrupt and disjointed.
  • The dialogue between Red and the agents through the security camera is intriguing, but some of the lines come off as too expository and could be more subtly delivered.
  • The introduction of Ranko Zamani's character feels rushed and lacks a buildup to the reveal of his identity, diminishing the impact of the revelation.
  • The scene shifts between locations and characters quickly, making it challenging for the audience to fully engage with the unfolding events.
  • The pacing of the scene could be improved by allowing moments to breathe and build tension, especially during the revelation of Zamani's presence in the country.
Suggestions
  • Consider smoothing out the transition between Red's cell and the security nest to create a more seamless flow.
  • Work on refining the dialogue to make it more natural and less expositional, allowing the characters' personalities to shine through.
  • Build up the suspense leading to the reveal of Ranko Zamani's identity by adding subtle hints and clues throughout the scene.
  • Try to streamline the scene by focusing on key interactions and locations to avoid overwhelming the audience with too many shifts.
  • Enhance the pacing by adding moments of tension and suspense, particularly during crucial revelations, to keep the audience engaged.



Scene 4 -  Red's Demand
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 7
  • Characters: 9
  • Dialogue: 9
INT. INTERROGATION CELL / F.B.I. - MOMENTS LATER

Agent Cooper sits down across from Red. Every camera in the
nest is rolling.

COOPER
You have my attention.

RED
Will you admit you were wrong?

COOPER
I was wrong.

RED
Yes, you were wrong. Certainly not
the first time. Now, I’ll give you
Zamani, but first --
9.

COOPER
No ‘but firsts’. You don’t decide
anything. I’m in charge. All you
do is talk.

RED
Agent Cooper, you’ve overestimated
your authority. I don’t trust you.
I don’t even like you. I said I’ll
help you find Zamani, and I will,
but from this point forward there’s
one very important rule:
(fearless)
I only speak with Elizabeth Keen.

IN THE SECURITY NEST...

The agents blink in confusion. Glances are exchanged.

RESSLER
Who the hell is Elizabeth Keen?

So we SMASH CUT TO:
Genres: ["Crime","Thriller","Drama"]

Summary Agent Cooper interrogates Red, who refuses to cooperate unless he can speak with Elizabeth Keen. Cooper initially agrees but later asserts his authority, leading to a tense confrontation.
Strengths
  • Intense dialogue
  • Strong character dynamics
  • High stakes
Weaknesses
  • Some confusion among supporting characters
Critique
  • The dialogue between Agent Cooper and Red feels a bit forced and lacks subtlety. It comes across as too confrontational and on-the-nose, which can make the scene feel less authentic.
  • The power dynamic between Cooper and Red is not well-established. While Red is supposed to be a criminal mastermind, the dialogue does not fully convey his intelligence and cunning.
  • The introduction of the demand to only speak with Elizabeth Keen feels abrupt and somewhat out of place. It would benefit from a smoother transition or more context to justify Red's insistence on this condition.
  • The reaction of the other agents in the security nest to the mention of Elizabeth Keen seems exaggerated and unrealistic. It could be more subtle and nuanced to add depth to their characters.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more layers to the dialogue between Cooper and Red to make it more nuanced and reflective of their respective characters.
  • Establish the power dynamic between Cooper and Red more clearly to highlight Red's intelligence and manipulation skills.
  • Introduce the demand to only speak with Elizabeth Keen in a more organic way that aligns with the flow of the conversation.
  • Adjust the reaction of the other agents in the security nest to the mention of Elizabeth Keen to make it more realistic and nuanced.



Scene 5 -  A Hectic Morning Interrupted
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 7
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 7
INT. DARK BEDROOM - DAWN

A golden retriever licks the face of a SLEEPING WOMAN. She
pushes the dog away and squints at the blinking alarm clock.
Lays back down. Suddenly JOLTS OUT OF BED as --

WOMAN
Crap. CRAP!!!

-- her dazed HUSBAND sits up on his elbows.

HUSBAND
Lizzy, what’s going on?

WOMAN
Power went out. I’M LATE.

A SERIES OF FAST CUTS ignite the day. Shower on. Toaster
loaded. Steam is wiped from the bathroom mirror and we’re
given our first good look at --

-- ELIZABETH KEEN (36). She’s worked out. The body of a
dancer. Spirit of a fighter. Shades of a rebellious gutter
punk past. Liz brushes her teeth.

LIZ
(mouth foaming)
I missed my bus, babe. I’m gonna
need to take the car.

IN THE KITCHEN...
10.

Liz quickly fumbles through the fridge. Her husband, Tom
(40), stumbles into view. Tom’s easy going. The emotional
glue. Not so good at mornings. He hops into a leg of his
pants, heart racing, as --

TOM
You can’t take the car. I need the
car. Field trip committee.

LIZ
We’re out of milk.

TOM
I can drive you.

Liz closes the refrigerator door to find Tom standing there
with TWO TOURISM BROCHURES, one in each hand.

TOM
Air and Space or the National Zoo?

Liz flicks the zoo brochure.

LIZ
Zoo’s gender neutral.
(then, realizing)
Is this pee?! I’m standing in pee.

TOM
He’s your dog too.

IN THE BEDROOM...

Liz yanks off her socks. Checks the time.

LIZ
(calling out / hurried)
I’m gonna smell like a urinary
tract infection on my first day.

TOM (O.S.)
-- can’t hear you. Remember, we
have the last adoption meeting
today. One-thirty.

IN THE KITCHEN...

Tom scrapes the burnt char from a piece of toast and takes a
giant bite. He hands the other half to Liz who buzzes past,
takes a bite, grabbing her purse as --

TOM
You heard me, right? One-thirty?
11.

LIZ
One-thirty. Last meeting. Make or
break. Don’t worry about me, babe,
I’ll take the train from work and
meet you there.

TOM
I’m in the car.

As Tom disappears into the hall, Liz tosses the burnt toast
to the dog. She opens the fridge. Grabs an apple.

TOM (O.S.)
You got the keys?

LIZ
In my pocket.

TOM (O.S.)
I got your coffee.

These two are good. In locked-sync step.

OUTSIDE THEIR BROWNSTONE...

Liz vaults down the steps, apple in her teeth. She stops
when she sees Tom standing by their car watching her.

LIZ
What?

TOM
You.

LIZ
I forget something?

Tom smiles, marveling.

TOM
We both woke up seven minutes ago.
My shirt’s on backwards and my eyes
can barely focus. You’re dressed,
composed and as beautiful as you
were the day we met.

LIZ
I’m forgetting something.

Tom pulls LIZ’S F.B.I. BADGE from behind his back. Almost
forgot it. As she pockets the badge we realize LIZ IS AN
F.B.I. AGENT. She steps closer. Looks into her Tom’s eyes.
12.

LIZ
You know I’m not going to let this
job come between us and our family.
We want a family, we’re gonna have
a family. Today’s the day.

TOM
We can do this.

He holds her eyes.

TOM
I’m proud of you, Lizzy. You
worked hard for this. Nervous?

LIZ
No. I’m good. I just don’t want
any more big surprises today.

Tom pulls Liz close and they KISS, but their embrace is
interrupted by a low, THUNDEROUS RUMBLE. Leaves rustle. The
rumbling SWELLS as they look overhead to see --

-- a HELICOPTER rising over their brownstone. POLICE CARS
emerge out of nowhere. JUMP the curb. Cordon off a large
area of the park across the street where the chopper lands.
Agent Ressler exits, running toward Liz.

RESSLER
Agent Keen?

He flashes his BADGE. Liz blinks in disbelief.

RESSLER
Donald Ressler. Washington Field
Office. I need you to come with me
right away.

Liz holds out her finger, dangling the keys to Tom.

LIZ
(dumbstruck)
I don’t think I’ll need the car.

CUT TO BLACK.

END OF TEASER
13.

ACT ONE
Genres: ["Drama","Crime","Thriller"]

Summary Lizzy's morning is thrown into chaos by a power outage, a car dispute, and a surprise visit from Agent Ressler. Amidst the stress, Tom remains supportive, and their love and commitment shine through.
Strengths
  • Engaging introduction of main character
  • Effective establishment of relationships and dynamics
  • Seamless transition from routine to high-stakes situation
Weaknesses
  • Limited focus on character development in this specific scene
  • Some dialogue could be more impactful or revealing
Critique
  • The scene starts with a typical morning routine, which can be seen as cliche and not very engaging for the audience.
  • The dialogue between Liz and Tom feels a bit forced and lacks depth, making their interactions seem superficial.
  • The introduction of Liz as an FBI agent feels abrupt and disconnected from the previous scenes, making it feel out of place.
  • The transition from the morning routine to the sudden appearance of a helicopter and police cars is jarring and lacks smooth storytelling.
  • The pacing of the scene is inconsistent, with fast cuts and abrupt changes in tone that can confuse the audience.
Suggestions
  • Consider starting the scene with a more engaging and unique introduction to grab the audience's attention.
  • Develop the dialogue between Liz and Tom to make their interactions more authentic and meaningful, showing their relationship dynamics.
  • Integrate Liz's FBI agent identity more seamlessly into the scene by foreshadowing or connecting it to the previous scenes.
  • Smooth out the transition between the morning routine and the sudden appearance of the helicopter to create a more cohesive storyline.
  • Work on the pacing of the scene to ensure a consistent flow of events and maintain the audience's interest throughout.



Scene 6 -  FBI Interrogation
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 7
  • Characters: 9
  • Dialogue: 8
INT. HELICOPTER (MOVING) - DAY

We drift over WASHINGTON. Liz watches in total bewilderment
as the city floats under her feet. Ressler hands her a set
of headphones which she puts on to hear --

RESSLER
Raymond Reddington.

LIZ
Excuse me?

RESSLER
The fugitive. Number Four. How do
you know each other?

She adjusts the headphones, confused.

LIZ
I’m sorry, I woke up late. Power
went off. I’m a little... punchy.

RESSLER
When was your last contact?

LIZ
With... Reddington?

Ressler squints. Who else?

LIZ
What? No. Why would you think --
the man’s been at large since I was
in a training bra. We studied his
profile at...
(re: the ground below)
Is that the White House? This is
restricted airspace.

RESSLER
You never met.

LIZ
Of course, not. Most psychologists
could only dream of interviewing a
guy like Reddington.

RESSLER
Well, congratulations. Your dream
is about to come true.

Off Liz’s disbelief we JUMP TO:
14.

INT. F.B.I. HEADQUARTERS - SAME

Liz tries to match Ressler’s stride as F.B.I. POLICE escort
them into the belly of the bureau.

LIZ
This must be some sort of mistake.
I’ve never even -- I’m sorry, you
said Reddington surrendered? Why?

RESSLER
We’re working on that.

She stops. He turns.

LIZ
You’re telling me this guy’s eluded
the F.B.I. for over twenty-five
years, and he’s suddenly decided to
give himself up to chat with me?

RESSLER
Consider yourself flattered.

INT. COOPER’S OFFICE / F.B.I. - SAME

Liz sits in silence with THREE AGENTS. Ressler and Cooper
enter. They’ve been talking. Cooper sits across from Liz.

COOPER
Harold Cooper. Assistant Director
of Counterterrorism.

LIZ
Yes, sir. I know who you are, sir.

COOPER
Wanna tell us what’s gong on?

Nobody notices how Liz clutches her right hand into a fist;
nervously opening and closing the grip, running her fingers
against the skin of her palm.

LIZ
I’ve been vetted by the agency like
everyone else. Same background
checks. Psych profiles. I’m sure
OPR’s trolling my digital footprint
right now, and I can tell you what
they’ll find. Nothing. I have no
history with Reddington.

Cooper watches Liz. Isn’t convinced.
15.

COOPER
They tell me today’s your first day
as a profiler.

LIZ
Yes. Reassigned from New York.
Graduated Quantico last month.

COOPER
Congratulations.
(flat)
Profile yourself.

LIZ
Sir?

COOPER
Who are you? What does he see?
Profile Elizabeth Keen.

LIZ
Oh, uhm. Well..
(uneasy)
I’ve been with the Bureau for four
years; head of the Mobile Emergency
Psych Unit in New York. Worked
bank robberies, murder, extortion --

COOPER
We’ve read your resume.

Liz looks trapped for a moment. Uneasy silence. Then
something clicks and it’s as if another woman emerges --

LIZ
My colleagues call me ‘sir’. They
think I’m a bitch. Like most kids
who raise themselves, I display
narcissistic behavior. I can be
withdrawn. Disconnected.

-- she speaks with complete transparency.

LIZ
Despite, or perhaps because of my
past, I have a deep yearning to
understand the criminal mind. I’m
board certified in forensic
psychology, and yet I’m under the
delusion I can erase my childhood
by having kids of my own. All this
manifests itself in the occasional,
regrettable, fit of anger.

The agents are speechless. Liz blinks. Feels naked.
16.

COOPER
Do you find it odd Reddington
surrendered himself the same day
you started working as a profiler?

LIZ
It suggests he was waiting for me.

COOPER
Why you specifically?

LIZ
Because I’m new. He thinks I can
be easily manipulated. Obviously,
the man doesn’t know me very well.

There’s a strength within this woman that’s undeniable.
Genres: ["Crime","Thriller","Drama"]

Summary Liz Keen, a new FBI profiler, is interrogated by Assistant Director Cooper and three agents after fugitive Raymond Reddington surrenders and requests to speak to her. Despite Liz's claims of no prior connection to Reddington, the agents remain skeptical. Liz attempts to explain her past experiences and interest in criminal psychology, but her self-professed narcissistic tendencies and emotional detachment raise doubts. The interrogation concludes with Cooper challenging Liz to provide a profile of herself.
Strengths
  • Complex characters
  • Sharp dialogue
  • Tension and suspense
  • Intriguing plot development
Weaknesses
  • Some exposition-heavy dialogue
  • Lack of visual action
Critique
  • The scene lacks a clear sense of urgency and tension, considering the gravity of the situation with Reddington surrendering and wanting to speak to Liz.
  • The dialogue feels a bit too casual and lacks the intensity that should accompany a high-stakes moment like this.
  • There is a missed opportunity to delve deeper into Liz's internal conflict and emotions as she is thrust into this unexpected situation.
  • The interaction between Liz and Ressler could be more dynamic and charged, reflecting the tension of the moment.
  • The scene could benefit from more visual cues to enhance the sense of urgency and suspense.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more suspenseful elements to the scene, such as a ticking clock or heightened stakes to increase tension.
  • Revise the dialogue to be more impactful and reflective of the high-stakes nature of the situation.
  • Explore Liz's internal conflict and emotions more deeply to add layers to her character and make her reactions more relatable.
  • Enhance the interaction between Liz and Ressler to create a more dynamic and engaging exchange.
  • Incorporate visual cues like close-ups, camera angles, and editing techniques to heighten the sense of urgency and suspense in the scene.



Scene 7 -  At the Hive
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 9
  • Dialogue: 8
INT. WASHINGTON FIELD OFFICE / F.B.I. - SAME

Liz, Cooper and Ressler are escorted through a series of SCIF
checkpoints. Through the most secure areas of the Bureau and
down into...

THE HIVE.

They wind their way through a maze of monitors, techs, and
control boards. This is mission control and the room from
which Red is carefully monitored.

The techs and support staff FALL SILENT as Liz moves through
their space. We sense their collective respect; like Romans
watching a gladiator enter the Coliseum.

Cooper and Liz stop before a steel door.

COOPER
If you need anything, remember,
we’re right here.

This doesn’t give Liz comfort. Suddenly, a chest-rattling
ALARM sounds. Hydraulic locks disengage. Liz steps into...

A MASSIVE AUDITORIUM.

State of the art. Impenetrable. At the center of this dark
room is a small, BULLETPROOF PRISON TUBE. Red sits alone
under the hot lights. He sees Liz and he rises. Her heart
pounds as she steps inside...

RED’S CONTAINMENT CELL.

RED
Agent Keen. What an honor.
17.

He extends his hand like a boy on a date. Liz keeps her arms
folded and tries to project confidence. Drags the only other
chair in the cell to Red’s side of the table --

LIZ
I heard you wanna talk.

-- she sits. Red is captivated. We INTERCUT with the Hive
as everyone watches the monitors in silence.

LIZ
Well?

Red can’t take his eyes off of Liz.

LIZ
You’re the one who surrendered.
Made all the demands. Asked me
here. I’m here.

RED
You got rid of your highlights.
Much less Baltimore. Do you get
back home much?

She tries not to look surprised by this.

LIZ
Tell me about Zamani.

RED
I haven’t been home in years.

Liz feigns a smile. Takes a moment. She needs to establish
she’s the alpha dog here.

LIZ
Your wife, Ellen, you know she
lights a candle every Christmas
Eve. Still mourns the day you
disappeared even though she knows
you’re alive.
(firm)
No way you’d come back after twenty-
five years, face the life you left,
everyone you betrayed, in order to
settle some grudge.

RED
Perhaps it’s a sizable grudge.

LIZ
Why involve me? I’m nobody. First
day. Nothing special about me.
18.

RED
Oh, I think you’re very special.

He says it in an weirdly erotic way. Liz flicks a glance at
the agents behind the glass. Her discomfort betrays her.

RED
Within the hour, Ranko Zamani will
abduct the daughter of U.S. General
David Ryker. His team will use an
EM pulse bomb to create a diversion
and grab the girl. If you don’t
move quickly she will die. That’s
what I know.

LIZ
And how do you know this?

RED
Because I’m the one who got Zamani
into the country.

LIZ
I should believe you?

RED
Of course not. I’m a criminal.
Criminals are liars. Everything
about me is a lie.
(then)
But if anyone can give me a second
chance, it’s you. The two of us
have overcome so much.

Liz leans back. Doesn’t like this.

RED
I mean, look at you. Abandoned by
a father who was a career criminal.
A mother who worked two jobs,
despite her addiction, to keep you
in school, out of juvenile court.
You practically raised yourself.
And yet here you are, about to make
a name for yourself, about to catch
Ranko Zamani.
(deadpan)
I’m gonna make you famous, Lizzy.

LIZ
Don’t call me Lizzy.

She says it with force, but she’s screaming inside.
19.

RED
We both know the past does not
equal the future. You’ve learned
from your experiences, they’ve
given you tremendous insight.
That’s why you’re gonna believe me.

Off Red’s lewd smile we SLAM CUT TO:

THE HIVE - SECONDS LATER

Liz BURSTS through the door. Shoulders past Cooper and goes
directly to Ressler.

LIZ
What did you tell him?

RESSLER
What?! Nothing.

LIZ
Then how did he know those things?
Private things? About my family?!

RESSLER
Why didn’t your father’s criminal
record show up in your background
report? You told us he --

She turns to Cooper.

LIZ
I think we should contact the SWAT
commander at Quantico; roll a team
to the girl’s school.

RESSLER
Nonsense. He’s bluffing.

LIZ
He’s establishing his value.

RESSLER
I’ve been the field agent on this
guy for eight years, trust me --

LIZ
-- and eight years got you what?
You asked me here. You asked my
opinion. So here it is: that girl
is gonna be taken.

Cooper considers this. Wheels turning.
20.

COOPER
Roll HRT to the school. Call
Bolling AFB Command, patch us
through to General Ryker.
Genres: ["Crime","Thriller","Drama"]

Summary Liz, Cooper, and Ressler visit Red in the Hive, where he reveals that Ranko Zamani plans to abduct General Ryker's daughter. Despite her skepticism, Liz agrees to investigate after Red appeals to her with personal information about her past. Red claims to have facilitated Zamani's entry into the country and can assist in preventing the abduction. Liz's conflict with Ressler centers around his questionable methods, leading her to question his trustworthiness. Despite Ressler's skepticism, Liz orders the agents to prepare for Zamani's attack, leaving the Hive with a sense of tension and urgency.
Strengths
  • Intense dialogue
  • Complex character interactions
  • High stakes
Weaknesses
  • Some cliched lines
  • Slight predictability in certain character actions
Critique
  • The scene lacks a clear focus and direction, with multiple elements competing for attention.
  • The dialogue between Liz and Red feels forced and unnatural, especially with Red's weirdly erotic tone and Liz's sudden outburst of 'Don't call me Lizzy.'
  • The scene relies heavily on exposition and dialogue to convey information, which can make it feel heavy and slow-paced.
  • The tension and suspense in the scene could be heightened by focusing on the urgency of the situation and the emotional stakes for Liz and the other characters.
  • The interaction between Liz, Cooper, and Ressler could be more dynamic and engaging to keep the audience invested in the scene.
  • The transition between the intimate conversation between Liz and Red to the confrontation with Ressler and Cooper feels abrupt and disjointed.
Suggestions
  • Streamline the dialogue to make it more natural and engaging, focusing on the urgency of the situation and the emotional stakes for the characters.
  • Consider adding more visual elements and actions to enhance the tension and suspense in the scene.
  • Work on the pacing of the scene to maintain a consistent flow and keep the audience engaged.
  • Develop the dynamic between Liz, Cooper, and Ressler to create more conflict and intrigue.
  • Smooth out the transition between different parts of the scene to ensure a cohesive and seamless narrative.



Scene 8 -  Intense Emotions and Security Breach
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 9
  • Dialogue: 8
INT. WOMEN’S RESTROOM - SAME

Liz steps into a stall and closes the door. Needs a minute
to gather herself. She takes a few calming breaths before --

BAMM... BAMM... BAMM...

-- she SLAMS HER FIST into the wall of the stall repeatedly.
Raw unchecked energy. Liz falls back. Making that habitual
rolling fist; running her fingers against her palm until she
grabs her phone. Dials her husband.

TOM (O.S.)
Lizzy, hey, What’s going on? I’ve
been wanting to call, but --

LIZ
I need to hear your voice.

TOM (O.S.)
What’s with the helicopter?

LIZ
The helicopter was nothing. I just
had an interview with -- I can’t
even tell you. Classified. This
entire day is classified. I flew
over the White House!

TOM
Over the what?!

LIZ
I’m telling you, they gave me Level
Four clearance. Insane. I just
interviewed the number four... I
met with the Assistant Director...

TOM
Okay. Breathe. Just breathe.

LIZ
If you knew half the things --

TOM
I can’t. Remember? Classified.
Those things, they don’t matter
because you’re gonna be amazing.
21.

LIZ
Tell me I can do this.

TOM
Lizzy, when have you ever failed?

This lands with her. Calms her.

LIZ
I don’t deserve you. I promise
I’ll make this up to you, let’s
take tonight and --

WHAM!!!

The stall door flies open and Liz finds herself standing face
to face with Ressler, chest heaving --

RESSLER
What are you doing with that phone?
We’re on a SCIF floor. You can’t --

LIZ
(to Tom)
Gotta go, babe.

-- she clicks the phone off.

RESSLER
You put on a great show in there.
Sounded real smart. But you better
pull yourself together because you
just called in the calvary. HRT.
SWAT. This is your show now. Your
neck on the line.

He yanks a strip of toilet paper. Puts it in Liz’s hand.

RESSLER
Wipe your nose. We’re all waiting.

CUT TO BLACK.

END OF ACT ONE
22.

ACT TWO

INT. PENTAGON - DAY

A MARINE in dress blues moves through the Defense Department
headquarters, past security, and into a room full of GENERALS
gathered around a table. The men turn as --

-- GENERAL DAVID RYKER stands. Ryker (50’s) is a Four Star
General. Distinguished. Fierce. The Marine salutes.

MARINE
Sir. We have a situation, Sir.
It’s about your daughter.

INT. HOLTON-ARMS PRIVATE SCHOOL - SAME

SWAT teams storm the hallways as classrooms are evacuated.
Children everywhere. Teachers direct kids into --

THE PARKING LOT

-- where AGENTS pile out of suburbans and into the SEA OF
CHILDREN. Pandemonium. A thousand little girls in plaid
skirts and sweaters.

RESSLER
What the hell happened?

POLICE COMMANDER
Campus security freaked, saw SWAT
and activated the emergency plan.

RESSLER
Where’s the girl?

Agents sort through the faces as Liz searches for --

LIZ
Beth?! I’m looking for Beth Ryker!

-- a teacher rushes BETH RYKER (8) toward Liz. Beth is an
angel with two missing teeth. Bright eyes. Heart pounding.

Liz takes her hand. Races toward the closest SUBURBAN. She
can’t find Ressler, but there’s no time. A SWAT AGENT lifts
the girl into the suburban and Liz dives in behind. Motions
the driver.
Genres: ["Crime","Thriller","Drama"]

Summary In a moment of intense emotion, Liz harms herself in a bathroom stall and calls her husband for support. Her phone use on a restricted floor triggers a security breach, and she is discovered by Agent Ressler. Liz's actions result in the deployment of HRT and SWAT teams, putting the situation under her responsibility.
Strengths
  • Intense atmosphere
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
  • High stakes
Weaknesses
  • Slight confusion in the chaotic setting
Critique
  • The scene starts with Liz experiencing a moment of intense emotion in the restroom, which is a good way to show her vulnerability and stress. However, the transition from her emotional outburst to the phone call with her husband feels a bit abrupt and could be smoother.
  • The dialogue between Liz and Tom is well-written and shows their supportive relationship, but it could be more concise to keep the pacing of the scene moving.
  • The entrance of Ressler into the scene adds tension and conflict, which is good for the story. However, the interaction between Liz and Ressler could be more dynamic and impactful to heighten the stakes.
  • The scene ends with a strong cliffhanger, setting up the next act effectively. However, the transition to the next setting at the Pentagon could be smoother to maintain the flow of the story.
  • Overall, the scene effectively conveys Liz's emotional state and sets up the next plot point with the situation involving General Ryker's daughter. However, there are opportunities to enhance the dialogue and interactions to make the scene more engaging and impactful.
Suggestions
  • Consider refining the transition between Liz's emotional moment in the restroom and the phone call with her husband to make it more seamless.
  • Streamline the dialogue between Liz and Tom to maintain the pacing of the scene and keep the audience engaged.
  • Enhance the interaction between Liz and Ressler to increase tension and conflict, making the stakes higher for Liz.
  • Work on smoother transitions between scenes to ensure the flow of the story is maintained and the audience remains engaged.
  • Continue to focus on conveying Liz's emotional journey effectively while also building suspense and setting up the next plot point.



Scene 9 -  Ambush on the Woodrow Wilson Bridge
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 7
EXT. WASHINGTON - SAME

Liz’s suburban rolls through the city. We INTERCUT between
the vehicles. Ressler and Liz are now separated. It wasn’t
planned this way, but the girl’s safe. SWAT teams trail in
bumper-lock.
23.

IN LIZ’S SUBURBAN...

The little girl stares at the fully armed SWAT Agent seated
across from her. His radio crackles.

RESSLER (O.S.)
Target onboard. Notify McNair.

DISPATCH (O.S.)
Copy. You have an HRT escort.

Beth’s eyes well with tears as --

LIZ
Can you turn that thing off?

-- the little girl starts CRYING.

LIZ
Hey. You’re okay.

BETH
Is my Daddy hurt?

LIZ
Oh, no. Your Daddy’s fine. We’re
on our way to see him right now.
(searching)
Hey, your name’s Beth, right? I’m
Beth. Elizabeth. My friends call
me Liz.

BETH
My Daddy has a pin like that.

She’s looking at the AMERICAN FLAG PIN on Liz’s lapel --

LIZ
I bet Daddy has lots of medals.

-- Liz sees the caravan is crossing the Potomac. They pass
over the massive WOODROW WILSON BRIDGE, escaping Washington.

LIZ
To get a pin like this you gotta be
really brave, like your Dad. Like
you were back there.

Liz removes the pin from her lapel and pins it on Beth’s
sweater. Beth touches the pin. It reflects the sunlight.
She forgets her tears as --

-- Beth looks at her own CHARM BRACELET. Kiddie jewelry. A
trinket from a gum ball machine. She takes it off and starts
to clip it around Liz’s wrist.
24.

LIZ
Oh, you don’t have to give me...
(smiles)
Thank you. It’s beautiful.

BETH
It’s a charm bracelet. It’s got
little animals.

Beth leans into Liz. Feeling safe now. Liz puts her arm
around the girl. She’s got a way of putting kids at ease.

LIZ
You’re safe with me.

Liz spots a few tail lights ahead --

LIZ
(into her radio)
What’s going on up ahead?

RESSLER (O.S.)
Accident. Dispatch is re-routing.

Liz eyes the accident as their suburban slows. Ressler gets
out, talks with an officer, but Liz senses something. Eerie
silence. She considers their stalled caravan as she looks in
the rearview mirror to see --

-- the bridge lights and traffic signals FLICKERING OUT. One
by one, the power outage races toward them like a tidal wave.

LIZ
It’s happening...
(into her radio)
IT’S HAPPENING!

The entire bridge LURCHES. Cars SHAKE. Ressler looks down
to see the steel plates between his feet open up --

RESSLER
The bridge. Turn around. GO!

-- THE DRAWBRIDGE HAS BEEN ACTIVATED.

We INTERCUT among the caravan. Vehicles jockeying to perform
three point turns as the bridge begins to incline. Liz’s
suburban is sideways in the road when she looks up to see --

-- A GARBAGE TRUCK barreling toward them.

LIZ
GET DOWN.
25.

Liz covers Beth with her body as the garbage truck SLAMS into
the driver-side of their suburban. GLASS SPRAYS. The driver
is killed on impact as the suburban is SHOVED toward --

-- THE RISING GAP IN THE BRIDGE and across the interlocking
seam. Gears turn. The traffic decks RISE UP to a FIFTEEN
PERCENT INCLINE. A man leaps from his car before it falls
through the widening gap into the Potomac below.

Now TWENTY PERCENT. Rising. Liz realizes her suburban is
now on the OTHER SIDE of the traffic deck. The gap in the
drawbridge has effectively separated Liz and Beth from the
rest of the caravan. At TWENTY-FIVE PERCENT --

-- cars begin to scoot. SLIDING downward. Liz looks to see
a TEAM OF MASKED KIDNAPPERS racing up the traffic deck toward
her. Past her car. They race to the apex of the bridge and
anchor GRAPPLING HOOKS into the steel decking.

THIRTY PERCENT. Pedestrians tumble down the traffic deck.
Agents scramble to no avail. The Kidnappers drop back down
toward Liz on RAPPELLING LINES, scooting with the car. One
Kidnapper takes out a gun and --

KA-BAMM

-- SHOOTS THROUGH THE WINDOW. Kills Liz’s SWAT Agent. Blood
spray hits Liz. Beth SCREAMS. Liz tumbles and lands against
the windshield. Loses her gun. The door above them opens to
reveal a MASKED KIDNAPPER.

LIZ
Take my hand, Beth. Stay with me.

The Kidnapper climbs into the car. Reaching for Beth. Liz
swats at him as he GRABS THE LITTLE GIRL. She reaches out --

LIZ
BETH. TAKE MY HAND.

-- they lock eyes. FORTY PERCENT. The girl grabs Liz’s hand
but suddenly the suburban falls. Liz goes with it. As the
car falls away, the Kidnapper’s left holding Beth, dangling
from the rappelling line as --

-- Liz’s car ROLLS TWICE. Lands hard. The Kidnappers
holding Beth climb up toward the apex of the bridge which is
now fully open. Below --

ON THE POTOMAC

-- a SPEEDBOAT arrives. The Kidnappers rappel down, girl in
hand, into the boat. As they speed away Liz opens her eyes.
Her world slips into focus. She reaches out. Lying among
the splintered glass she finds... BETH’S CHARM BRACELET.
26.
Genres: ["Action","Thriller","Crime"]

Summary Liz and Beth are separated from the caravan when the drawbridge activates, allowing kidnappers to abduct Beth. Liz escapes unharmed but loses Beth and only recovers her charm bracelet.
Strengths
  • Intense action
  • Emotional depth of characters
  • High stakes and suspense
Weaknesses
  • Possible predictability in some plot elements
  • Some dialogue may feel cliched
Critique
  • The scene starts with a lot of action and tension, which is engaging for the audience. However, there are some moments that could be improved for clarity and impact.
  • The dialogue between Liz and Beth is heartfelt and helps to establish a connection between them, but it could be more impactful with deeper emotional exploration.
  • The visual descriptions are vivid and help to create a sense of urgency and danger, but there are some instances where the action could be clearer for the reader.
  • The scene transitions smoothly between different locations and events, but there are moments where the pacing could be tightened to maintain the tension.
  • The climax of the scene, with the bridge collapsing and the kidnapping taking place, is dramatic and intense, but it could benefit from more focus on the emotional impact on Liz and Beth.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more emotional depth to Liz and Beth's interaction to enhance the audience's connection to the characters.
  • Clarify the action sequences to ensure that the reader can easily follow the events as they unfold.
  • Tighten the pacing in certain sections to maintain the tension and momentum of the scene.
  • Explore the emotional aftermath of the kidnapping on Liz to add depth to her character development.
  • Consider adding moments of introspection or reflection for Liz to enhance the emotional impact of the scene.



Scene 10 -  Confrontation and Resolve
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 9
  • Dialogue: 8
INT. F.B.I. HEADQUARTERS - DAY

Liz sits on a bench in a hallway. A small bandage covering
a split in her brow. She holds Beth’s charm bracelet like a
rosary. Stares ahead, unblinking, eyes locked on the silent
image of --

-- General Ryker who can be seen through the glass wall of
Cooper’s office. Ryker is SCREAMING at Cooper and Ressler.
Eviscerating the agents. Tears well in Liz’s eyes as she
watches, heavy with guilt. She knows she may have cost the
General’s daughter her life.

Liz is watching this verbal brawl when her phone vibrates.
She looks down. Six missed calls. Realizing the time as --

LIZ
(panicked)
Tom. My God. I meant to call.

-- we INTERCUT with Tom. Pacing nervously. Sneaking a call
in the hallway outside their ADOPTION AGENCY.

TOM
Are you close? What’s going on?

LIZ
I’m stuck here.

TOM
Stuck?! You’re kidding, right?
Everyone’s waiting.

LIZ
I’m the worst. I’m so sorry. It’s
just, Tom, this crazy day --

Ressler KNOCKS on the glass. Waves Liz into the office for
her ass chewing. She holds up a finger, asking the General
and the others wait, juggling Tom as --

TOM
(soft / compassionate)
Lizzy, babe, if this is too much...
we don’t have to do this. We can
start a family next year -- I can
tell these people right now. But
if we’re gonna go through with this
we gotta do it together. I can’t
do it alone, Lizzy. I need to know
you’re one-hundred percent.

Liz looks at the waiting General. Turns her back on him.
Her priorities suddenly slip into focus.
27.

LIZ
I’m one hundred percent.

TOM
You say that, but...

LIZ
Tom. Our family. It’s all that
matters.

She’s speaking from the heart. He smiles.

TOM
I believe you.

CASE AGENT (O.S.)
Mr. Keen? Is your wife coming?

Tom whips around. Greets the CASE AGENT with a big, warm
smile and an extended hand as --

TOM
(to Liz / tender)
Let me handle this.

LIZ
Good luck, babe. Love you.

-- Liz hangs up. Smiles to herself. She loses herself in
the warmth of Tom when General Ryker comes storming out of
the office. Moving down the hallway.

LIZ
Sir?

The General turns to Liz.

LIZ
I want to personally tell you how
sorry I am for your daughter’s --

GENERAL RYKER
(seething)
You’re not just out of a job. I’m
gonna see to it the D.O.J. files
charges. Criminal negligence. You
better beg God my girl comes home
alive because this thing’s coming
down on you, sweetheart.

Ryker marches off down the hallway.

LIZ
(calling out)
I’m gonna get her back.
28.

As the General disappears, Liz plops down onto the bench.
Feeling helpless. She looks at BETH’S CHARM BRACELET and
clips it back around her wrist. Considers the tiny animals.
She then opens her hand and we reveal --

-- a BURN SCAR on the inside of Liz’s palm. It crawls up her
wrist and into her sleeve like a some twisted, blooming vine.
Liz makes a loose fist. Runs her fingertips over the uneven
SCAR TISSUE; that habitual rolling motion.

We leave Liz there. Wrestling with some distant memory.

CUT TO BLACK.

END OF ACT TWO
29.

ACT THREE

INT. RED’S HOLDING CHAMBER - SAME

An Interrogator from the High-Value Interrogation Team sits
across from Red. They’ve been at this for hours.

INTERROGATOR
Is the girl dead?

Red’s silent. Eyes locked on the Interrogator.

INTERROGATOR
Is that why we haven’t heard from
the abductors? No demands? What
other reason would there be?
(inflamed)
It’s been four hours. You think
we’re gonna overlook the fact you
turned yourself in the exact same
day this thing went down?

IN THE HIVE...

Cooper sees they’re getting nowhere. Knocks on the glass.

COOPER
Kill the cameras. Everyone out.

CUT TO:

GENERAL RYKER. Chest full of medals. He sits down before
Red who is not intimidated whatsoever.

GENERAL RYKER
The US Government doesn’t negotiate
with terrorists. But I’m not the
government. I’m here as a father.

Red blinks at the General’s medals as if they’re meaningless.

GENERAL RYKER
Is this about immunity? You want
your crimes forgiven? I’m personal
friends with the Attorney General.
There are things you’ve done that I
can make people forget.

Silence. The General EXPLODES.

GENERAL RYKER
ANSWER ME! This is a my baby’s
life we’re talking about. Your
people haven’t made one demand!
30.

RED
I already told you people how this
works. You wanna talk? Go get
Elizabeth Keen.

The General stares daggers.
Genres: ["Crime","Drama","Thriller"]

Summary Liz grapples with guilt and is threatened by Ryker, while Red insists on Liz's presence for his interrogation.
Strengths
  • Intense dialogue
  • Emotional depth
  • High stakes
  • Character development
Weaknesses
  • Some cliched dialogue
  • Lack of subtlety in emotional cues
Critique
  • The scene starts with Liz feeling guilty and helpless as she watches General Ryker verbally attack Cooper and Ressler, which sets the tone for her emotional state. This guilt and helplessness are effectively conveyed through Liz's actions and reactions.
  • The phone conversation between Liz and Tom adds depth to their relationship and shows Tom's support and understanding towards Liz, which is a nice touch to their dynamic.
  • The confrontation between Liz and General Ryker is intense and adds to the tension of the scene. The threat of criminal charges and the General's anger towards Liz create a sense of urgency and stakes.
  • The moment where Liz clips Beth's charm bracelet back around her wrist and considers the tiny animals is a poignant visual that symbolizes her connection to Beth and her determination to bring her back. The reveal of the burn scar on Liz's palm adds depth to her character and hints at a traumatic past.
  • The scene effectively transitions from Liz's emotional turmoil to Red's interrogation, maintaining the tension and keeping the audience engaged.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more internal monologue or dialogue from Liz to further explore her emotions and thoughts during the scene.
  • Enhance the visual elements to emphasize Liz's guilt and determination, such as close-up shots of her holding the charm bracelet or the burn scar on her palm.
  • Explore the dynamic between Liz and General Ryker further to deepen the conflict and emotional impact of their interaction.
  • Consider incorporating more sensory details to immerse the audience in Liz's emotional state, such as describing her surroundings or the sounds of the FBI headquarters.
  • Continue to build on the themes of guilt, determination, and personal sacrifice to create a more compelling and emotionally resonant scene.



Scene 11 -  Liz Meets Red
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 9
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 9
  • Dialogue: 9
INT. THE HIVE - DAY

Liz does a walk of shame. Past Cooper. Past Ryker. All
eyes are on Red’s ‘chosen one’ as she makes her way into...

RED’S HOLDING CHAMBER.

Red extends his hand. Liz keeps her arms folded. He sees
Liz is wearing the CHARM BRACELET Beth gave her; the one with
the tiny plastic animals.

RED
Nice bobble. Reminds me of my
daughter. She loved jewelry --

LIZ
Where’s the girl?

RED
-- you women and your jewelry.

LIZ
It’s been four hours.

RED
I told you Zamani would take her.
Told you that’s all I knew. It’s
in your hands now.

He notices the way Liz is nervously opening and closing her
fist, running her fingers against the skin of her palm --

RED
Why do you do that?

-- she places her hand in her lap.

LIZ
I need your help with Zamani.

RED
How about we trade. You tell me, I
tell you. Tell me about that scar
on your palm. I’ve noticed how you
hide it.

Liz swallows. Reluctant.
31.

LIZ
There was a fire. I was fourteen.

RED
Someone tried to hurt you.

LIZ
Not exactly.

RED
But the scar, what does it remind
you of? When you touch it?
(reaching out)
May I?

Liz reluctantly extends her hand. Red takes her palm, runs
his fingertips over the scar tissue as if he might see into
her past. It’s uncomfortable. Red’s thumb follows the scar
up her arm, under her sleeve. He looks into her eyes.

RED
Is a child really what you want?

Liz pulls away. Stunned.

LIZ
How on earth do you know --

RED
I know it’s exciting, that you’ve
waited, but a baby can’t fix what
happened in the past.

She stands, indignant.

LIZ
How dare you. You lost the
privilege of speaking about
parenthood when you abandoned your
wife and daughter on Christmas Eve.
Addy, right? How old would she be
now? Thirty? You don’t know
because you walked away, so keep
the Fatherly advice to yourself.

RED
You won’t find the girl until you
learn to look at this differently.

LIZ
And how should I look at this?

RED
Like a criminal. It may come
easier to you than you think.
(MORE)
32.
RED (cont'd)
Shall I show you?
Genres: ["Crime","Drama","Thriller"]

Summary Liz seeks Red's help finding a kidnapped girl. Red notices a scar on Liz's palm and suggests she approach the case from a criminal's perspective.
Strengths
  • Intense dialogue
  • Emotional depth
  • Complex character dynamics
  • High stakes
  • Suspenseful atmosphere
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue may be overly dramatic or cliched
Critique
  • The scene lacks subtlety in the interaction between Liz and Red, with Red's dialogue coming off as too direct and on-the-nose in revealing personal information about Liz.
  • The dialogue feels forced and heavy-handed, especially with Red's probing questions about Liz's past and her desire for a child.
  • The scene could benefit from more nuance and subtlety in the character interactions, allowing for a more natural and engaging exchange between Liz and Red.
  • The pacing of the scene feels rushed, with the emotional beats not given enough time to resonate with the audience.
  • The dynamic between Liz and Red could be further developed to create a more complex and intriguing relationship between the two characters.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more layers to the dialogue between Liz and Red, allowing for a more nuanced and subtle exploration of their characters.
  • Focus on building tension and suspense through the dialogue and character interactions, rather than relying on direct exposition.
  • Give the characters more room to breathe and react to each other, allowing for a more natural and engaging exchange.
  • Explore different ways to reveal personal information about Liz and Red, creating a more organic and compelling dynamic between them.
  • Consider revising the scene to allow for a more gradual and nuanced development of the relationship between Liz and Red.



Scene 12 -  Unraveling the Terrorist Plot
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 9
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 9
  • Dialogue: 8
INT. F.B.I. / THE WAR ROOM - SAME

Liz and the other agents watch as Red walks the room eyeing
the MASSIVE WALL OF CLUES. He moves with a sense of pride
and curiosity. Takes in the details.

LIZ
So?

Red steps back. Considers the collage of PHOTOS and POLICE
REPORTS. Silence. Then with complete confidence --

RED
Irrelevant.

-- he TEARS DOWN A MUG SHOT. Rips down a surveillance photo.

RED
Waste of time.

RESSLER
Hey, you can’t just --

Red continues down the wall, pulling down precious documents,
moving pieces. The analysts watch in disbelief as Red weeds
out the unimportant. He grabs a surveillance photo and rips
it in half; holds up the half with the image of a YOUNG SERB.

RED
Miroslav. He’s more than a driver.
They call him The Chemist. Weapons
expert. Turned down MIT to work
for al-Qaeda in South Africa.

Red pins THE CHEMIST to the wall, then grabs a photo of a
GROUP OF MEN outside of bank --

RED
The German? Reinhardt? You’re
right that if money was involved he
laundered it, but his Swiss account
is a dead end. He runs everything
through a former IRS man named
Kagel. Works through the Caymans.
(eyes scanning)
What about the girl? What do you
have on the girl and her father?

An analyst works keyboard. Images of BETH fill the screens.
Beth’s school portrait. Beth and her father, General Ryker.

RED
What do you see, Lizzy?
33.

She blinks at Red. Only Tom calls her Lizzy.

LIZ
Well, the timeline would suggest a
singular event. Something in DC.
Not sure how the girl fits.

RED
What about the Chemist?

LIZ
Important. Well paid. What he’s
planning is expensive, maybe some
kind of attack.

RED
You’re thinking like a cop. What
does a criminal see?

RESSLER
Okay, this is nonsense.

LIZ
Taking the general’s daughter was
risky. She’s a well protected --

RED
-- she’s critical to the mission.

Cooper and Ressler exchange a suspect glance as Liz scans the
photos. She finds a picture of Zamani reaching into a pocket-
sized CONTAINER OF PILLS.

LIZ
Zamani’s sick. C.I.A. says he
carries Nipah virus. Dying makes
him dangerous. Nothing to lose.

RED
And the General’s daughter?

LIZ
Her father, the General, spent time
in Bosnia supporting NATO troops --

RED
Zamani’s home turf.

LIZ
-- he came under public scrutiny
when U.S. led forces bombed a
suspected chemical weapons facility
in the Bihac pocket region.
(MORE)
34.
LIZ (cont'd)
Never did find proof of the
weapons, but the bombing released
unknown chemical agents. Poisoned
the village and...
(then, realizing)
Jesus. His family.

Liz sees a photo of Zamani with his YOUNG SONS.

RED
Follow that pit in your stomach.

LIZ
Zamani’s wife and sons were made
sick in the bombing orchestrated by
General Ryker. They died. Zamani
survived. He wants revenge.
(realizing)
He hired the Chemist to build a
bomb. Detonate it in DC. Has a
return flight tomorrow at 10:00 AM
which means it’s gonna happen soon.
Tomorrow morning. His dying wish.

Red guides Liz. Exhilarated. The teacher and the pupil.

RED
Why no offer to trade the girl?

LIZ
Because he needs her. Zamani lost
his family, he’s gonna use the
General’s daughter to even the
score. Deliver the bomb.

The room ERUPTS into a hive of activity. Red quietly turns
to Liz, an olive branch.

RED
I have an acquaintance. They call
him the Innkeeper; runs a series of
safe-houses. Lean on him. He’ll
know where to find the Chemist.
Find the Chemist, you find Zamani.

LIZ
Where is this Innkeeper?

RED
If I tell you, you have to give me
something in return. I need to be
moved. Higher security.

LIZ
You’re inside the F.B.I.
35.

RED
My point exactly. It’s not safe.

EXT. FT. MCNAIR ARMY BASE - DAY

An F.B.I. convoy escorts RED’S ARMORED TRUCK past uniformed
guards and onto the historic U.S. military base on Greenleaf
Point. Majestic views of the Potomac. Sprawling lawns.

INT. SUN-DIAL MOTEL - DAY

Agents pour into the tiny motel near Reagan National. They
throw “THE INNKEEPER” to the ground. Hands behind his head.
Boots on his neck. As the Innkeeper begs, we JUMP BACK TO:

EXT. GENERAL’S ROW / FORT MCNAIR - DAY

Red steps from his armored vehicle and takes in his new home;
a breathtaking COLONIAL MANSION overlooking the Potomac. The
Army owned home is not only historic, but one of the most
well protected estates in all of Washington.

INSIDE RED’S HOUSE...

Agents remove the mirrors and silverware. Cameras are
installed. Red admires the beautiful coffered ceilings.
It’s a fitting home for a military man.
Genres: ["Crime","Thriller","Drama"]

Summary In the confines of the FBI war room, Red orchestrates a strategic purge of tangential clues, streamlining the investigation to pertinent details. Liz and her team meticulously collaborate, excavating connections within the intricate fragments of information. As Red unveils the enigmatic 'Innkeeper' and the elusive Chemist, Liz's intuition aligns with his guidance, unlocking the puzzle's secrets. With unwavering resolve, they mobilize to execute their mission, armed with a crucial lead towards apprehending the Chemist.
Strengths
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Complex characters
  • High stakes
  • Intriguing plot twists
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue may be overly cryptic for casual viewers
Critique
  • The scene lacks a clear sense of urgency and tension considering the high stakes involved in preventing a potential terrorist attack.
  • The dialogue feels a bit expository and lacks depth in character interactions, making it less engaging for the audience.
  • The transition between tearing down irrelevant clues and focusing on key information feels abrupt and could be smoother to maintain the flow of the scene.
  • There is a missed opportunity to delve deeper into the emotional and psychological aspects of the characters, especially Liz and Red, which could add more depth to their dynamic.
  • The scene could benefit from more visual elements to enhance the storytelling and create a more immersive experience for the audience.
Suggestions
  • Add more tension and urgency to the scene by emphasizing the high stakes and the race against time to prevent the terrorist attack.
  • Enhance the dialogue by adding more subtext and emotional depth to the interactions between the characters, especially Liz and Red.
  • Smooth out the transition between tearing down irrelevant clues and focusing on key information to maintain a cohesive narrative flow.
  • Explore the emotional and psychological aspects of the characters, particularly Liz and Red, to create a more compelling and nuanced dynamic.
  • Introduce more visual elements to enhance the storytelling, such as close-ups, reactions, and visual cues that convey the characters' emotions and motivations.



Scene 13 -  A Devastating Choice
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 9
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 9
  • Dialogue: 8
INT. NEGLECTED APARTMENT / IVY CITY - DAY

SWAT TEAMS burst down the door and the inhabitants scramble.
Some sort of lab. The agents push through a door into a room
filled with elaborate BOMB MAKING SUPPLIES. They pull a
FIGURE down from the fire escape. Hands behind the head.

EXT. SHORELINE / FT. MCNAIR - DAY

Ressler finds Liz looking out at the boat yard, drinking in
the beauty of the water. A rare moment of peace.

RESSLER
They found the lab. Interrogating
the Chemist as we speak.

LIZ
We have the Chemist?

RESSLER
Big fish, right? Based on what we
pulled from his lab we think we’ve
caught it in time. Shut down his
operation. We’re making progress.

LIZ
What about the bomb?
36.

RESSLER
HDS is running samples. We’ll have
results within hours.

Liz stares out at the water. He lights a cigarette.

LIZ
I didn’t choose any of this.

He doesn’t believe her.

RESSLER
(feigned)
Of course not. He chose you.
There’s a bigger picture we’re not
seeing, but we will. Give it time.

LIZ
I gotta clear my head. Get out of
here for a bit. Grab a shower.

RESSLER
Don’t go too far.

As she walks away, he watches her go. There’s not a bone in
Ressler’s body that trusts this woman.

INT. LIZ’S BROWNSTONE - DUSK

Liz returns home. It’s like entering another world. Soft
music. Candlelight. In the entry, she finds a small PINK
WICKER ROCKING CHAIR stuffed with pink blankets, books and
bibs. Mylar balloons proclaim, ‘IT’S A GIRL!’ --

LIZ
Oh, my God. Did they say yes?!

-- in the arms of a stuffed animal Liz finds the ADOPTION
PAPERWORK. Opens it. Tears standing in her eyes.

LIZ
It’s OFFICIAL? How did you -- I
can’t believe...

Liz rounds the corner to find Tom, his back to her, seated at
a beautiful candlelight dinner. There’s Champagne. Flowers.
Her shoulders drop as Liz sits down and looks to Tom to see --

LIZ
We’re gonna have a baby!

-- TOM IS DUCT TAPED TO THE CHAIR.

He’s been BEATEN and TORTURED. Zip-ties on his wrists. Tape
over his mouth. Pure fucking horror in his eyes.
37.

Liz’s heart stops as a DARK FIGURE reaches past her breast,
into her jacket, and delicately removes her WEAPON. He’s a
colorless TWIG OF A MAN, chemical burns on his neck and jaw.
As he sits at the table between Liz and Tom we meet --

-- RANKO ZAMANI. An anemic little ghost. Looks like he was
raised in a veal cage. Zamani speaks with a thick SERBIAN
ACCENT. His lungs rattle with each breath.

ZAMANI
Tom and I already have met. Been
talking. Trying to figure out how
you knew I was in town.

Liz looks to Tom. There’s blood matted in his hair. The
vessels of one eye have ruptured.

ZAMANI
I tell him you took the General’s
daughter minutes before I was going
to. Forced me to re-think things,
which I did quite well, I think.

Zamani serves himself a slice of fish --

ZAMANI
But then your people come for my
Chemist friend.

-- pours himself a glass of Champagne and takes a drink.

ZAMANI
I was finished with the Chemist, so
you save me a payment for services.
For that, I thank you. But it did
make me wonder what else you know.
(pointed)
What else do you know?

LIZ
I don’t -- Tom, please...

Zamani takes a bite, chewing through heavy, hoarse breaths.

ZAMANI
Over here. I ask question. What
else do you know about my plan?

LIZ
An attack... uhm, a bomb maybe.
We’re not sure, we don’t know --

Zamani stands. Pours Liz a glass of Champagne.
38.

LIZ
-- we only knew about the girl.
Everything else... speculation.
(through tears)
Tom, babe, it’s gonna be okay --

SPLOOSH -- Zamani buries his STEAK KNIFE in the meat of Tom’s
thigh. Tom let’s out a MUFFLED SCREAM.

ZAMANI
What. Else. Do you know?

LIZ
(frantic / sobbing)
I swear... nothing...

Zamani holds his chest. Removes a POCKET-SIZED CONTAINER of
pills from his jacket and puts one on his tongue. Chases it
with Champagne. As he does, we see --

-- a penny-sized TATTOO on the back of Zamani’s hand. It’s
the SILHOUETTE OF A SUNBURST; jagged rays reaching out from
the center, violently whipping about.

ZAMANI
You are not as smart as Reddington
says. My friend, he was always so
obsessed with you. Not sure why.
(taunting)
What I have planned will make for
many casualties. Chemical agents,
no? What you call... biblical. So
now you have choice: stop me now
and save many Americans... or save
only one. What do you choose?

Zamani yanks the knife from Tom’s thigh and PLUNGES IT INTO
TOM’S ABDOMEN. He turns the knife, DRAGS IT to his sternum.
Liz SCREAMS. She LEAPS UP as --

-- Zamani leaves. Liz chases, but stutter-steps back to Tom.
Can’t have both. She runs to Tom. Holds him. Dials 911 as
Zamani vanishes. Blood everywhere. Phone ringing.

LIZ
Hold on, babe. You’re gonna be
fine. We’re gonna get you help.

EMERGENCY OPERATOR (O.S.)
911. What’s your emergency?

CUT TO BLACK.

END OF ACT THREE
39.

ACT FOUR
Genres: ["Crime","Thriller","Drama"]

Summary SWAT bursts in and captures the Chemist, raising concerns about a potential bomb threat. Liz discovers adoption papers and finds Tom brutally tortured by Zamani, who demands information under threat of killing Tom. Amidst intense pressure, Liz grapples with a heart-wrenching dilemma: save her husband or potentially countless lives. With Tom stabbed and Zamani's escape, the scene culminates in an agonizing call for help as the threat remains unresolved.
Strengths
  • Intense atmosphere
  • Emotional depth
  • High stakes
  • Compelling character dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Graphic violence
  • Disturbing content
Critique
  • The scene starts with a burst of action as SWAT teams raid a lab, but the transition to Liz and Ressler's conversation feels abrupt and disjointed.
  • The dialogue between Liz and Ressler lacks depth and emotional impact, making it difficult for the audience to connect with their characters and the gravity of the situation.
  • The introduction of the adoption paperwork and the reveal of Tom being duct-taped and tortured feels forced and melodramatic, lacking subtlety and nuance in its execution.
  • Zamani's character comes across as a stereotypical villain with little depth or complexity, relying on cliched dialogue and actions to create tension.
  • The scene escalates quickly with the violence towards Tom, but the emotional impact is diminished by the lack of build-up and character development leading up to this moment.
Suggestions
  • Consider restructuring the scene to create a smoother transition between the SWAT raid and Liz and Ressler's conversation, allowing for a more cohesive flow of events.
  • Focus on developing the emotional depth of Liz and Ressler's interaction, adding layers to their dialogue and reactions to make the audience empathize with their plight.
  • Find a more subtle and nuanced way to introduce the adoption paperwork and Tom's situation, avoiding melodrama and cliches to create a more authentic and impactful moment.
  • Work on fleshing out Zamani's character to make him more multi-dimensional and engaging, moving away from stereotypical villain tropes to create a more compelling antagonist.
  • Build up the tension and emotional stakes leading to the violent climax of the scene, allowing for a more impactful and resonant resolution to the conflict.



Scene 14 -  Confrontation and Revelation
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 9
  • Dialogue: 8
INT. AMBULANCE - NIGHT

Doors FLY OPEN. Medics swarm. Hospital staffers rush to
transport Tom out of the ambulance as --

WHAM!!!

-- we BURST THROUGH emergency room doors. Down a hall. Liz
runs alongside Tom’s gurney, covered in smeared blood. Tom’s
drifting in and out of consciousness. Voices fading until...

INT. HOSPITAL / WAITING ROOM - LATER

POLICE interview Liz. There’s no sound. All she can hear is
their surreal murmur, as if underwater. Liz looks up to find
Ressler entering the ER. He approaches, arms open, and Liz
collapses into him.

LATER...

Liz sits with Ressler. Trying to process. Still numb.

RESSLER
The Chemist. We lost him. Hung
himself just over an hour ago.
(pressing)
I totally understand, and we don’t
have to talk about this if you
can’t, but it’s critical that you
tell me anything Zamani may have
said. Did you learn anything?

LIZ
(elsewhere)
It’s biological.

RESSLER
The bomb? He said that?

LIZ
He said it’s gonna be biblical.

INT. HOSPITAL ROOM - NIGHT

Tom lies in a hospital bed. Tubes and wires protruding from
his chest. Liz sits beside Tom. Holding his hand. Watching
machines breathe for the man she loves.

LIZ
Babe... if you can hear me... you
can’t let this happen. Not today.
This was supposed to be a happy
day. The beginning...
(MORE)
40.
LIZ (cont'd)
(scared / searching)
You’re the one good thing in my
life. I don’t know how it works
without you. Don’t leave me alone.

We leave her, praying over her dying husband.

EXT. LIZ’S CAR (PARKED) - NIGHT

It’s raining now. Liz sits in her car. Hiding from the
world and sobbing. Her emotions swelling inside until --

-- Liz repeatedly POUNDS THE STEERING WHEEL in a violent
outburst. The surge of pure rage CATAPULTS us to:

INT. RED’S HOUSE / FT. MCNAIR - NIGHT

We follow Liz down a corridor. Fueled by anger. Fearless.

IN THE STUDY...

Red stands. Liz is on fire. A boiling pot of crazy.

LIZ
Did you send him? Are you the one
who did this?

RED
Lizzy, what’s [wrong] --

LIZ
Don’t call me Lizzy, goddamnit. He
was in my house. My husband’s on a
ventilator because Zamani came --

Red face goes blank.

RED
Tell me what happened.

LIZ
Don’t play stupid. You’re the only
thing connecting us. He told me
that you’ve talked to him about me.

RED
Liz, you have to tell me what
happened. What did you see?

LIZ
What did I... I saw the love of my
life being tortured. Disemboweled.

RED
No, what did you see?
41.

LIZ
Stop acting like we’re some kind of
team. I don’t know you. I didn’t
ask for any of --

RED
This is bigger than us, Liz. We’re
at the center of something that you
can’t possibly understand.

LIZ
Goddamnit, I want the truth!

RED
Honestly?! The truth? The truth
is Zamani did you a favor, Lizzy.

Suddenly, Liz pulls THE PEN from her pocket --

STABS RED IN THE NECK

-- spins around and traps him in a military choke-hold.

LIZ
I told you not to call me Lizzy.

She holds her thumb over the bloody PUNCTURE WOUND in Red’s
neck. His breathing quickens. His eyes bulge.

LIZ (CONT’D)
Now, you were in the army, so you
know from training I just punched a
hole in your carotid. The artery
will likely vasospasm; reduce its
own flow. Best chance, one minute
before you pass out. So here’s how
it works, asshole...
(fearless)
You tell me how I find Zamani and
make this right, or I let you die
right here. Understand?

RED
Yes, but...

Red gasps for breath, clinging to life.

RED
...if you let me die, you’ll never
learn the truth about your husband.

LIZ
You know nothing about my husband.
42.

Red allows a faint little smile. Strangely, Liz is the one
who now looks trapped. Wheels turning. She has no choice
but to call --

LIZ
GUARD, I NEED A MEDIC!

Red falls to the floor. Guards rush in as Liz collapses next
to Red trying to stop the bleeding. She barks orders. Blood
everywhere. We jump from the chaotic frenzy to:
Genres: ["Crime","Thriller","Drama"]

Summary Liz and Tom are victims of a violent attack, leading Liz to confront Red, believing him responsible. Red reveals that Zamani helped Liz and that the truth about Tom is complex. Liz attacks Red but demands his help finding Zamani. Red warns her that withholding aid will prevent her from discovering the truth about Tom.
Strengths
  • Intense emotional conflict
  • Revealing character dynamics
  • High-stakes tension
Weaknesses
  • Potential for excessive violence
  • Complexity of emotional themes
Critique
  • The scene is emotionally charged and intense, with a strong focus on Liz's desperation and anger towards Red for the attack on her husband.
  • The dialogue between Liz and Red is impactful and reveals the tension between them, adding depth to their relationship.
  • The use of violence, with Liz stabbing Red and holding him in a chokehold, adds a dramatic and suspenseful element to the scene.
  • The scene effectively conveys Liz's emotional turmoil and her determination to get answers about her husband's attack.
  • The visual descriptions, such as Liz pounding the steering wheel in her car and the chaotic frenzy in Red's house, enhance the intensity of the scene.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more internal conflict for Liz to further explore her emotions and motivations for her actions.
  • Provide more context or backstory to deepen the understanding of Liz and Red's relationship and the events leading up to this confrontation.
  • Explore the aftermath of the scene to show the consequences of Liz's actions and how it impacts her moving forward.
  • Consider incorporating more subtle moments of tension and suspense to build up to the climax of the scene.
  • Focus on the resolution of the conflict between Liz and Red to provide closure and development for their characters.



Scene 15 -  Red's Escape
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 7
  • Dialogue: 7
EXT. FT. MCNAIR - LATER

It’s quiet. The silence is jarring. Liz stands with Ressler
and Cooper outside the house. Liz is still shaky.

RESSLER
Why would he try to kill himself?

LIZ
Why’s he doing any of this? It
happened. I can’t explain.

RESSLER
Your back was conveniently toward
the camera, so the footage is
inconclusive, but you know what I
think? I think you’re lying.
You’ve lost your objectivity --

LIZ
Objectivity? What do you expect?

COOPER
Liz, calm down.

LIZ
My husband was stabbed. He’s on
life support. I have a house full
of beat cops waiting for my
statement.

COOPER
Liz, this is about your safety.
The last thing I want is you in the
same room with this guy.

LIZ
(realizing)
Don’t push me out of this.

COOPER
Liz. It’s not a request. Go home.

Liz turns, defeated. As she walks away they watch her go.
43.

RESSLER
(mistrustful)
Doesn’t feel right. There’s
something she’s not telling us.

INT. LIZ AND TOM’S BROWNSTONE - NIGHT

Liz sits in a fog, doing another round of interviews with the
POLICE. There’s no sound. Only a dull BUZZING SOUND. Liz
watches the detectives comb through her life. They collect
samples. Take pictures. But Liz can’t take her eyes off of
Tom’s DRIED-BLACK BLOOD in the carpet.

LATER...

After the police are gone. Liz is on her hands and knees
scrubbing the blood out of the carpet with a bucket and
brush. As she does the BUZZING SOUND swells, mimicking her
rising frustration.

The harder she scrubs the more helpless Liz feels. She is
completely powerless. Finally, Liz THROWS the brush across
the room. Bloody water splatters the wall as we CUT TO:

INT. WALTER REED MEDICAL CENTER - DAWN

We follow Liz down a long, narrow hallway. She flashes her
badge. Moves past security. Finds Ressler who is speaking
with another agent outside Red’s room.

RESSLER
Can’t go in. He’s with the Nurse.
(then)
You shouldn’t even be here.

LIZ
I know. I was out of line before,
but I can’t just sit at home and
wait while there’s a chemical...

Liz trails off as the MALE NURSE exits Red’s room. Pushes
his cart past. She waits until the Nurse is out of earshot.

LIZ
This isn’t just about me and Tom.
That weapon is going to detonate.
We still don’t know where. Red is
willing to talk to me. Please.
Give me ten minutes.

Reluctant, Ressler nods. Allows Liz past. But as Liz steps
into RED’S ROOM she sees the bed is EMPTY. The window OPEN.
Her entire world seems to slow down and Liz realizes...

Red is GONE.
44.

Liz steps back into the hall. Sees the MALE NURSE who just
left Red’s room. He steps into the elevator. As he locks
eyes with Liz, we recognize the Nurse as Red’s chauffeur from
the opening scene: THE MAN IN THE GREY FLANNEL SUIT. Liz
steps toward him, dizzy with fear, but the elevator doors
close and we JUMP TO:

INT. PUBLIC BATHROOM - UNKNOWN

Red cuts into his shoulder with a surgical scalpel. He opens
the muscle with the tip of the blade. Digs out the tiny RFID
microchip. He uses the tip of the knife to hold the chip up
to the light. Admires the device. The sound of an oncoming
whistle tells us we’re...

INT. UNION STATION - SAME

Red shoulders his way through the Rotunda. He’s now wearing
a stolen topcoat and fedora. He finds a table outside a busy
coffee shop and sits down next to a thin, HUNCHED FIGURE. As
the man turns, we reveal it’s Zamani. The two men hug.

RED
It’s good to see you, old friend.

CUT TO BLACK.

END OF ACT FOUR
45.

ACT FIVE

INT. UNION STATION - SAME

Zamani sits with Red, genuinely humbled.

ZAMANI
Face to face. What an honor.

RED
I felt it was important to handle
these final details myself.

Red hands Zamani a PASSPORT and TRAVEL DOCUMENTS.

RED
How did things go with Agent Keen?

ZAMANI
Paid her a visit like you asked.

RED
And Tom? The Husband?

ZAMANI
Like you asked. Small price to pay
for getting me out of the country.

INT. WALTER REED MEDICAL CENTER - SAME

The hospital is in lock-down. F.B.I. response teams are in
full force. Ressler hangs up his phone, turns to Cooper.

RESSLER
You do realize this is exactly what
he wanted?! To get here. Where
security’s weak. We played right
into his hand.

LIZ
Why escape? He just surrendered?

RESSLER
Who knows?! This guy has a plan
and he’s played us at every turn.

A breathless TECH bursts into the room, chest heaving.

TECH
We were able to remotely reactivate
the chip. He’s at Columbus Circle.

COOPER
My God. Union Station.
46.

LIZ
Wait. No. If Red pulled the chip
he would have destroyed --

COOPER
I need you to stay here.

LIZ
Red is smarter than this.

The agents race out, leaving Liz, as we JUMP BACK TO:
Genres: ["Crime","Thriller","Drama"]

Summary After a confrontation with Ressler and Cooper, Liz is sent home for her safety. She tries to clean up the blood in her house but gets frustrated and throws the brush. Liz goes to the hospital to speak to Red but finds his bed empty and the window open. She realizes Red is gone and confronts the male nurse who turns out to be Red's chauffeur. Red meets with Zamani and hands him a passport and travel documents. Zamani reveals he visited Liz and Tom, as per Red's instructions. Back at the hospital, Ressler and Cooper learn Red has escaped and is at Union Station. Liz realizes Red wouldn't have pulled the chip and escaped without destroying it. The agents rush out, leaving Liz behind.
Strengths
  • Building tension
  • Revealing plot twists
  • Emotional depth in characters
  • Setting up future conflicts
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue may feel repetitive or expository
Critique
  • The scene lacks a clear transition from the previous scene, making it feel disjointed and abrupt.
  • The dialogue feels forced and lacks depth, especially in the interactions between Liz, Ressler, and Cooper.
  • The tension and emotional impact of Liz's situation are not effectively conveyed, resulting in a lack of connection with the audience.
  • The visual elements, such as Liz scrubbing the blood out of the carpet, are not fully utilized to enhance the emotional intensity of the scene.
  • The pacing of the scene is inconsistent, with moments of action and emotion not flowing smoothly.
  • The character motivations and conflicts are not fully explored or resolved, leaving the audience with unanswered questions.
  • The scene lacks a clear resolution or climax, making it feel incomplete and unsatisfying.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a smoother transition from the previous scene to establish continuity and flow.
  • Revise the dialogue to make it more authentic and impactful, focusing on the emotional turmoil Liz is experiencing.
  • Enhance the visual elements to create a more immersive and engaging experience for the audience.
  • Work on pacing to ensure a consistent build-up of tension and emotion throughout the scene.
  • Further develop the character motivations and conflicts to create a more compelling narrative.
  • Add a clear resolution or climax to provide closure and satisfaction for the audience.



Scene 16 -  Race Against Time
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 9
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 8
INT. UNION STATION - SAME

Red sits with Zamani, inspecting his eyes.

RED
Word is you have big plans.

Zamani shrugs.

RED
Tell me one thing: the General’s
daughter. Why take such a risk?

ZAMANI
This is about so much more than one
girl; it’s about the children. All
of them. The ones who will grow up
with my memory living inside them,
as I’ve lived with the memory your
country gave me...

Zamani holds his chest. Shallow breaths. He reaches into
his jacket and removes his pocket-sized CONTAINER OF PILLS.
As he takes one out. Places it on his tongue.

ZAMANI
I’m giving their plague back to
them. Giving it to their children.
In sixty years they’ll be talking
about this day, about my legacy.

RED
We should all be so fortunate.

Red stands as F.B.I. AGENTS STORM THE ROTUNDA --

-- RESSLER leads the charge, pushing through the crowd. In
his earpiece, he’s guided by a TECH in a surveillance van,
but when he arrives at the table Red and Zamani are gone.

TECH (O.S.)
Up ahead. Fifty yards.
47.

Ressler moves toward Red. Toward the trains. Red quickly
opens his phone and dials as we INTERCUT with Liz inside --

RED’S HOSPITAL ROOM

-- her CELL RINGS. Liz answers.

RED (O.S.)
There’s a wrinkle. Zamani wants
more than the General’s daughter.

LIZ
(perplexed)
Red?! Where are -- how did you...

She steps away from the room. Away from the police.

RED (O.S.)
He’s after children.

LIZ
You son of a bitch, if you think
I’m not gonna hunt you down and --

RED (O.S.)
We don’t have time. I need you to
set aside your anger. Listen to
me. I think between the two of us
there may be an answer.

Liz bursts through the doors and steps --

OUTSIDE THE HOSPITAL.

-- scans the parking lot. Eyes searching. Halfway expecting
to find Red watching her.

RED (O.S.)
I need you to tell me what Zamani
said. Think back. What happened
in your house? What did you see?

Liz tries to remember, her world SPINNING.

LIZ
He, uhm, he asked about the girl...
and about the Chemist...

IMAGES FLIP THROUGH LIZ’S MEMORY. We see FLASHES of the
confrontation. Of Zamani torturing Tom --

RED (O.S.)
What did you see? At your house?

-- the dizzy assault of MEMORIES take Liz to:
48.


INT. LIZ’S BROWNSTONE - (FLASHBACK)

We remember Zamani standing over Tom. He opens his container
of pills and places one on his tongue. As he does we see the
penny-sized TATTOO on the back of Zamani’s hand --

LIZ (O.S.)
There was a tattoo.

-- it’s the SILHOUETTE OF A SUNBURST; jagged rays reaching
out from the center, violently whipping about.

RED (O.S.)
Zamani’s Serbian Orthodox. He
wouldn’t tattoo himself. Body
modification is a desecration.

LIZ (O.S.)
I know what I saw. This mark, I’ve
seen it before --

RED (O.S.)
It wasn’t a tattoo.

ON LIZ (PRESENT)

As she wrestles with a memory. Thinking back.

RED (O.S.)
Where did you see it, Lizzy?

INT. LIZ’S BROWNSTONE (FLASHBACK)

Liz remembers her frantic morning. Being late. Tom holding
the TWO TOURISM BROCHURES for his field trip.

TOM
Air and Space or the National Zoo?

Liz flicks the zoo brochure. We see the same SUNBURST IMAGE
in the brochure. The logo for the Smithsonian National Zoo.

LIZ (O.S.)
It wasn’t a tattoo...
(realizing)
...it was a stamp.

BACK TO LIZ (PRESENT)

LIZ
He’s gonna bomb the National Zoo.
49.

INT. UNION STATION - SAME

Ressler shadows Red through the station. But as the train
pulls away, Ressler sees the platform is empty.

RESSLER
Where did he go?

TECH (O.S.)
In front of you. Twenty yards.

RESSLER
There’s nobody.

Ressler sees the TUNNEL and jumps down onto THE TRACKS.

INT. LIZ’S CAR (MOVING) - SAME

Liz weaves through traffic. Cell phone to her ear.

LIZ
(on the phone)
Assistant Director Harold Cooper.

OPERATOR (O.S.)
What’s your clearance code?

LIZ
I don’t... I’m not sure... it’s my
first day and they haven’t issued --

OPERATOR
Without a clearance code I can’t --

Liz hangs up. Dials Ressler. She’s sent to voice mail.

LIZ
(on the phone)
Ressler, call me. The zoo.
Zamani’s gonna hit the zoo.
Genres: ["Crime","Thriller","Drama"]

Summary Red uncovers Zamani's sinister plan to infect children with a deadly plague. Amidst an FBI raid at Union Station, Liz deciphers a crucial clue, leading her to realize the National Zoo is Zamani's target.
Strengths
  • Intense pacing
  • Emotional depth
  • Intriguing plot twists
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue may be overly expository
  • Lack of visual cues in the screenplay
Critique
  • The scene lacks a clear sense of urgency and tension considering the high stakes involved in preventing a terrorist attack on children.
  • The dialogue between Red and Zamani feels somewhat cliched and lacks depth, missing an opportunity to delve into the complex motivations of the characters.
  • The transition between different locations and timelines is somewhat confusing and could be smoother to enhance the audience's understanding.
  • The flashback sequences could be more seamlessly integrated into the present-day action to create a more cohesive narrative flow.
  • There is a lack of emotional depth in Liz's reactions and responses, considering the traumatic events she has experienced.
Suggestions
  • Increase the tension and urgency in the scene by emphasizing the imminent threat of the terrorist attack on children.
  • Develop the dialogue between Red and Zamani to add layers to their characters and motivations, making the interaction more engaging.
  • Refine the transitions between different locations and timelines to create a more coherent storytelling structure.
  • Integrate the flashback sequences more organically into the present-day action to enhance the narrative flow and clarity.
  • Enhance Liz's emotional journey by portraying her reactions and responses with more depth and authenticity, reflecting the trauma she has endured.



Scene 17 -  Race Against Time
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 7
INT. UNION STATION - SAME

Agents shove through the station. Searching for the bomb.
Cooper grabs a little girl with a backpack and turns her
around. It’s not Beth. He searches the crowd as --

-- another agent sees a GIRL. Whips her around. Again, not
Beth. It’s a frantic search. Backpacks. Dark haired little
girls. A needle in a haystack.

EXT. THE NATIONAL ZOO - SAME

The hand of a child is STAMPED at the entry. The same PENNY-
SIZED TATTOO Liz saw on Zamani’s hand: an ADMISSION STAMP.
50.

INSIDE THE ZOO...

Liz pushes past families. Children everywhere. She spots
BETH SITTING ON A BENCH. The little girl looks terrified.

LIZ
Beth, remember me? Are you alone?

BETH
He said to wait here for my Daddy.

Liz sees Beth’s BACKPACK and carefully unzips it to reveal --

THE BOMB.

It’s a marvel of molded plastic and parallel circuitry. A
digital countdown reads “00:03 MIN / 00:13 SEC”. Liz takes a
heart pounding breath. Reaches for the shoulder strap.

BETH
(through tears)
He said not to take it off...

Beth unzips her sweater to reveal a TANGLE OF WIRES wrapped
around her torso. The backpack is booby trapped. Slowly,
Liz reaches out. Her phone RINGS. She JUMPS. Answers.

RED (O.S.)
Whatever you do, don’t touch it.

LIZ
There’s less than three minutes. I
gotta evacuate... call the bomb --

RED (O.S.)
Your people will never be there in
time. My friend. He’s on his way.

LIZ
Your friend? What [friend] --

The call disconnects as we’re HURLED BACK TO:

INT. SUBWAY TUNNELS - SAME

A flashlight beam dances in the dark as Ressler chases Red
INTO THE TUNNELS. Something falls from Red’s pocket before
Red slows down. Slump shouldered. Out of breath.

RESSLER
Hands in the air.
51.

Ressler trains his WEAPON on Red. Picks up the small tin
canister Red dropped as THE LIGHT OF A TRAIN illuminates the
tunnel. Reveals it’s not Red he’s been chasing but Zamani.
He clutches his chest. Lungs failing.

RESSLER
GET OFF THE TRACK.

Ressler steps closer. The TRAIN is almost upon them.

ZAMANI
Tell the General his girl was an
“unfortunate civilian casualty”.

He opens his arms as --

THE TRAIN EVISCERATES ZAMANI.

Ressler ducks into the nearby alcove. Inches from the train.
As it passes, he opens Zamani’s medicine canister and dumps
the contents into his palm. Among the pills he finds --

RESSLER
Son of a bitch.

-- the blood crusted RFID CHIP Red carved from his shoulder.
Genres: ["Action","Thriller","Crime"]

Summary Agents search Union Station for a bomb while Liz finds Beth at the National Zoo with a bomb attached to her backpack. Red calls Liz to warn her not to touch the bomb and that his friend is on the way. Ressler chases Zamani into the subway tunnels and finds the RFID chip Red carved from his shoulder.
Strengths
  • High tension
  • Unexpected twists
  • Emotional depth
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue could be more nuanced
  • Minor inconsistencies in character actions
Critique
  • The scene lacks a clear sense of urgency and tension considering the high stakes involved. The search for the bomb at Union Station feels rushed and lacks the intensity needed for such a critical moment.
  • The transition between Union Station and the National Zoo is abrupt and could be smoother to maintain the flow of the narrative.
  • The interaction between Liz and Beth at the zoo could be more emotionally charged to convey the gravity of the situation. Beth's fear and Liz's desperation could be portrayed more effectively.
  • The revelation of the bomb in Beth's backpack is somewhat anticlimactic. The description of the bomb could be more detailed to enhance the suspense and danger of the moment.
  • The dialogue between Liz and Red over the phone lacks the tension and urgency expected in a scene where lives are at stake. The exchange could be more dynamic and impactful.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more visual and sensory details to enhance the tension and urgency of the scene. Descriptions of the surroundings, the characters' emotions, and the ticking clock of the bomb could heighten the suspense.
  • Work on building up the suspense and stakes leading up to the discovery of the bomb in Beth's backpack. Create a sense of impending danger and desperation to save the child.
  • Revise the dialogue between Liz and Red to make it more impactful and emotionally charged. Their conversation should reflect the life-or-death situation they are facing.
  • Explore ways to increase the pacing and intensity of the scene, especially during the moments of discovery and decision-making. Use short, impactful sentences and vivid imagery to draw the reader into the tension of the moment.
  • Consider adding a sense of chaos and urgency to the search for the bomb at Union Station to convey the high stakes and time pressure the characters are under.



Scene 18 -  A Race Against Time
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 9
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 8
EXT. NATIONAL ZOO - SAME

Liz is on the phone, calling for backup, when she glances at
the timer on the bomb. “01 MIN / 00:16 SEC”. Their fate is
all but sealed. Liz looks to Beth. Behind her, she sees --

-- a UKRAINIAN MAN WITH A DUFFLE BAG emerge through the sea
of kids. He’s bald. Blond eyebrows. Looks like a thumb.
The Ukrainian sits on the bench next to Beth and removes a
TOOL KIT from his bag.

LIZ
Who are you? What are you doing?

The Ukrainian barks at Liz in Slavic as he cuts open Beth’s
backpack with a pair of surgical scissors.

LIZ
I don’t know what you’re saying.

He motions for them to be still. Liz holds Beth. Watches in
disbelief as the Ukrainian works to dismantle the bomb. Beth
tries not to move, but she can’t help it. The Ukrainian is
frantic. Screaming. Confusion in a foreign language. Beth
cries as Liz sees --

-- “00:32 SEC”. This is it. She finds Beth’s eyes.
52.

LIZ
You know, I was really scared once,
too. I was all alone, but I had a
secret weapon to help me. My Daddy
gave it to me. You wanna see my
secret weapon?

Beth quivers. Nods yes. Liz slowly, gently, opens her palm
to reveal her BURN SCAR.

LIZ
I never show this to anybody. It’s
super special. Like magic.

BETH
What does it do?

Liz is soft and calm. Pure motherly instinct.

LIZ
Any time I feel scared or afraid I
touch it... and it makes all the
bad things go away, makes me brave.
Do you want to see if it can make
you brave?

Beth nods. Places her palm in Liz’s palm. As she does, Liz
wraps her free arm around the girl and closes her eyes. The
SOUND EVAPORATES. Tranquil silence. It’s as if the entire
world falls away, nothing else matters, until --

UKRAINIAN
ÚZASNY!!!

-- Liz’s eyes POP OPEN. The Ukrainian throws his arms around
Liz, talking a mile a minute. Kiss her square on the mouth.

LIZ
Did you stop it?

He removes the bomb from the backpack. The countdown clock
is stopped at “00:12 SEC”. A collective exhale as --

LIZ
HE STOPPED IT.

-- the Ukrainian places the device in his duffle bag.

LIZ
What? Wait. What are you...

RED (O.S.)
Consider the device his payment.
53.

The Ukrainian turns to see RED approaching through the crowd.
They embrace. The Ukrainian picks Red up in a full-on bear
hug. He then turns and zips his bag, blows Liz a kiss, and
saunters off into the zoo with a bomb in his duffle bag.

LIZ
What the -- WAIT! He can’t...
that’s a biological weapon.

RED
He’s fascinated with the things.
Has more use for it than I do.
(to Beth)
Run along, now. Daddy’s here.

Beth whips around to see GENERAL RYKER running toward them.
With RESSLER. Surrounded by agents. Beth grabs Liz’s hand.
Looks at the scar. It really is magic. As the AGENTS rush
in, Red lowers himself to his knees, hands behind his head.

LIZ
I’m gonna ask you again. I deserve
the truth. Did you send Zamani to
kill my husband?

RED
We’re going to make a great team.

F.B.I. AGENTS storm Red. Guns drawn. Ressler takes him down
but Red’s eyes never leave Liz. He smiles as if she has just
passed some strange, perverted test.

BETH (O.S.)
DADDY!

General Ryker lowers himself to his knee and Beth jumps into
her father’s arms. As they embrace, Ryker smiles to Liz.

GENERAL RYKER
Thank you.

A weight is lifted. Liz’s shoulder’s drop. We HEAR:

COOPER (O.S.)
Who. Is. The Ukrainian?

RED (O.S.)
His name slips my memory.
Genres: ["Action","Thriller","Drama"]

Summary Liz and an enigmatic Ukrainian man scramble to disarm a bomb, with only seconds to spare. Red's true intentions remain a mystery, as he leaves Liz and Beth questioning their relationship.
Strengths
  • Intense action
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
  • Memorable moments
Weaknesses
  • Slight confusion with the Ukrainian character's motivations
Critique
  • The scene lacks clarity in terms of the Ukrainian man's intentions and background, leaving the audience confused about his sudden appearance and actions.
  • The dialogue between Liz and the Ukrainian is not effectively communicated due to the language barrier, making it difficult for the audience to fully understand the interaction.
  • The emotional connection between Liz and Beth could be further developed to enhance the impact of Liz's revelation about her burn scar and its significance.
  • The sudden romantic gesture from the Ukrainian towards Liz feels out of place and unrealistic, detracting from the tension and urgency of the scene.
  • The resolution of the bomb threat and the Ukrainian's involvement feels rushed and lacks a satisfying explanation, leaving the audience with unanswered questions.
Suggestions
  • Provide more context or hints about the Ukrainian man's background or motivations to make his actions more believable and understandable.
  • Consider using non-verbal cues or gestures to convey the communication between Liz and the Ukrainian, overcoming the language barrier effectively.
  • Focus on building a stronger emotional connection between Liz and Beth to make Liz's revelation about her burn scar more impactful and resonant.
  • Reconsider the romantic gesture from the Ukrainian towards Liz to maintain the tension and urgency of the scene without introducing unnecessary elements.
  • Expand on the resolution of the bomb threat and the Ukrainian's role to provide a clearer and more satisfying conclusion for the audience.



Scene 19 -  The Unmasking
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 8
INT. CONFERENCE ROOM / F.B.I. - DAY

A review is underway. Red sits across from Liz, Cooper,
Ressler and a team of D.O.J. LIAISONS. Tempers run hot.
54.

COOPER
You gave away a biological weapon.

RED
So the bomb is gone. It didn’t
detonate. The girl’s safe. Zamani
is dead. Frankly, I think all this
worked out swimmingly.

RESSLER
(livid)
This was never about Zamani. You
surrendered and infiltrated the
F.B.I. to get at our intelligence.
To get that weapon.

RED
Agent Ressler, are you suggesting I
would surrender myself and use your
resources to hunt down Zamani and
settle a score? Steal a biological
weapon? That all of this is part
of a some larger plot?
(flat)
I think it’s more likely I tried to
help in good faith, but had to
finish the job on my own because
you were too goddamned stupid.

Ressler stands, livid.

COOPER
I think we’re finished.

RED
This was fun. Let’s do it again.

Cooper closes his notebook. Meeting over. But as the agents
begin to gather their things, Red remains seated.

RED
No, really. Let’s do it again.
You do understand, Zamani was only
the first.

COOPER
First what?

RED
Name. On the Blacklist.

Cooper looks confused. Throws Liz a glance.

COOPER
What’s... the Blacklist?
55.

RED
It’s why we’re all here, of course.
My wish list. A list of names I’ve
been cultivating for over twenty-
five years; politicians, mobsters,
hackers and spies.

RESSLER
We have our own list.

RED
Please, Agent Ressler, we all know
your “Top Ten” is little more than
a publicity campaign. Junior high
bullies at best. I’m talking about
the criminals who matter. The men
I’ve spent my life protecting --
ones you can’t find because you
don’t know they exist. Zamani was
a small fish. I’m Ahab. But if
you want the whales on my list, you
gotta play by my rules.

Cooper sits, intrigued. Liz lingers.

RED
One: I never stay in the same
location two nights in a row. Two:
I want security. I’ve already
vetted a list of twenty-four Secret
Service agents, pick two from my
list. Three: I want an RFID tag
imbedded in my neck -- not that
garbage from VeriChip you stuck in
my arm, I want the DARPA tested,
fully encrypted, 8-millimeter tag.
Four: whatever I tell you falls
under an immunity package that I
negotiate myself. And finally...
most importantly...
(flat)
I speak only with Elizabeth Keen.

The room turns to Liz in the doorway, but she is gone.

INT. HOSPITAL HALLWAY - DAY

Cooper stands with Liz outside Tom’s room.

COOPER
...do you understand? We have one
of the most dangerous criminals in
the history of this agency in our
possession.
(MORE)
56.
COOPER (cont'd)
Imagine what he could provide --
the kind of access the F.B.I.,
C.I.A., N.S.A. could only dream of.
Liz the deal’s in place, but he’ll
only talk to you.

LIZ
Then maybe you should have checked
with me before you cut the deal.

Liz walks off. Has a dying husband to tend too.

INT. LIZ AND TOM’S BROWNSTONE - SAME

Liz is on her hands and knees trying to scrub Tom’s blood out
of the carpet. She sits back. Looks at the mess. She wants
this hideous reminder out of her life for good so we CUT TO:

LATER...

The furniture is shoved aside and Liz is ripping back the
carpet with a claw hammer. Going mad. She pulls back a
swath, but stops when she sees --

-- a series of CUTS IN THE SUB-FLOOR. Boards that have been
removed and replaced. It’s a HIDING PLACE. She uses the
hammer to pry up the boards to reveal a LARGE DUFFLE BAG.

AT THE KITCHEN TABLE...

Liz sits in silence staring at the bag. Heart in her throat.
She finally finds the courage to unzip the bag to discover --

-- BUNDLES OF CASH. Lots of them. Several hundred thousand
dollars worth. Liz sits thunderstruck. She reaches into the
side pocket of the duffle bag where she finds --

-- a BUL M-5 PISTOL. She holds the gun in her fist. A sick,
drunken feeling washes over Liz as she reaches back into the
pocket and removes a bundle of --

-- PASSPORTS. Twelve of them. Each with a different name
and nationality. Each one with a PHOTO OF HER HUSBAND TOM.
Liz trembles. Red was right. The man she has come to love
is an imposter. That eerie, drunken feeling carries us to:

INT. HOSPITAL - DAY

The tubes are gone, but Tom is still unconscious. Liz sits
at his side. Betrayed. Considering the man she thought she
loved.

TOM (O.S.)
Was I dreaming?
57.

Liz blinks up. Sees Tom staring up at her. She looks into
the gaze of this imposter, totally paralyzed.

LIZ
Dreaming about what?

TOM
Are we really gonna have a baby?

Everything Liz is holding inside begins to crumble. The
tears come fast. Her world spinning. She fakes a smile and
clutches her right hand into a fist; nervously running her
fingers against the skin of her palm until we JUMP TO:
Genres: ["Crime","Thriller","Drama"]

Summary Red's surrender unveils his true motive - infiltrating the FBI to access their intelligence. His notorious Blacklist, a compilation of dangerous criminals, becomes the bargaining chip for his collaboration. The team reluctantly accepts, granting immunity and exclusive communication with Elizabeth Keen. Amidst this turmoil, Liz uncovers a hidden stash in her apartment, exposing Tom's true identity as an imposter.
Strengths
  • Reveals a major plot twist
  • Emotionally impactful
  • Intense conflict
Weaknesses
  • Some elements may be predictable for seasoned viewers
Critique
  • The scene is heavy on exposition and dialogue, which can make it feel a bit static and less engaging for the audience.
  • The dialogue feels a bit on the nose and expository, lacking subtlety and nuance in character interactions.
  • There is a lack of visual storytelling and action in the scene, making it feel more like a talking heads sequence.
  • The emotional depth and complexity of the characters could be further explored to create more tension and intrigue.
  • The pacing of the scene could be improved to maintain the audience's interest and keep them engaged.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more visual elements and action to break up the dialogue-heavy scenes.
  • Focus on creating more dynamic character interactions and conflicts to add depth to the scene.
  • Work on tightening the dialogue to make it more natural and engaging for the audience.
  • Explore different ways to reveal information and backstory without relying solely on dialogue.
  • Consider adding more emotional beats and character development to enhance the impact of the scene.



Scene 20 -  Confrontation in the Prison Cell
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 9
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 9
  • Dialogue: 9
INT. BLACK-SITE PRISON - UNKNOWN

ARMED SOLDIERS escort Liz through a series of security check
points. Into a the bowels of an anonymous ship. She carries
herself with a sense of purpose. A fire in her belly. Liz
is shown through a doorway and into...

A PRISON CELL.

Red steps forward. Out of the shadows. That soft smile.

RED
You’ve discovered something about
your beloved husband, haven’t you
Lizzy?

She SNAPS back --

LIZ
My name’s Liz, not Lizzy. To you
I’m Agent Keen. Now, let me tell
you how this is gonna work: I ask
the questions. You answer. Screw
with me and I walk. Starting right
now, there are no more games, no
more secrets...
(fearless)
I want the truth.

RED
I’m here to help you find it.

She stares at Red. Into the unknown.

LIZ
Tell me about this Blacklist.

CUT TO BLACK.

THE END
Genres: ["Crime","Thriller","Drama"]

Summary In a tense prison cell, guards escort Liz through security checks. Red emerges from the shadows and faces her determination. Liz demands answers about her husband and the Blacklist. Red offers assistance in her search for the truth, leaving Liz with uncertainty.
Strengths
  • Intense dialogue
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
  • High-stakes conflict
Weaknesses
  • Possible lack of clarity in certain character motivations
  • Complexity of plot may require close attention from the audience
Critique
  • The scene lacks a clear transition from the previous emotional moment where Liz's world is crumbling to the introduction of Red in the prison cell. This abrupt shift in tone and emotion can be disorienting for the audience.
  • The dialogue between Liz and Red feels a bit cliched and lacks depth. Liz's sudden shift from emotional vulnerability to a tough, fearless demeanor may come across as unrealistic and forced.
  • The interaction between Liz and Red lacks subtlety and nuance. It would be more engaging to see a more complex dynamic between the two characters, with layers of tension, manipulation, and hidden agendas.
  • The scene could benefit from more visual cues and descriptive details to create a sense of atmosphere and tension in the prison cell setting. Adding sensory details can enhance the audience's immersion in the scene.
  • The ending with the abrupt cut to black feels rushed and leaves the audience hanging without a satisfying resolution or closure to the interaction between Liz and Red.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a smoother transition from the previous emotional moment to the introduction of Red in the prison cell. Show Liz's emotional state carrying over into the new scene to maintain continuity.
  • Develop the dialogue between Liz and Red to be more nuanced and reflective of their complex relationship. Add layers of subtext, conflicting emotions, and power dynamics to make the interaction more engaging.
  • Enhance the scene by incorporating more visual and sensory details to create a vivid and immersive setting in the prison cell. Use descriptive language to evoke the atmosphere and tension of the encounter.
  • Extend the scene to allow for a more gradual buildup of tension and conflict between Liz and Red. Explore their motivations, vulnerabilities, and hidden agendas to add depth to their interaction.
  • Consider revising the ending to provide a more satisfying conclusion to the scene, rather than an abrupt cut to black. Allow for a resolution or cliffhanger that leaves the audience intrigued and eager for more.