Read Sing Sing with its analysis


See Full Analysis here



Scene 1 -  The Complexity of Love
INT. THEATER - DAY

A MAN on a stage. Bathed in a lone spotlight, standing in a
grove of trees. Butterflies flutter around him. A soft breeze
crackles through the speakers.

He looks around at the swaying branches. And speaks.

MAN ON STAGE
For aught that I could ever read,
could ever hear by tale or history,
the course of true love never did
run smooth.

He stares out into the darkness of the theater and resumes
his monologue.

MAN ON STAGE (CONT’D)
But either it was different in
blood or else misgraffed in respect
of years. Or else it stood upon the
choice of friends. Or, if there
were a sympathy in choice. War,
death, or sickness did lay siege to
it. Making it momentany as a sound.
Swift as a shadow. Short as any
dream. Brief as the lightning in
the collied night. That, in a
spleen, unfolds both heaven and
Earth. And, ere a man hath power to
say “Behold!” The jaws of darkness
do devour it up. So quick bright
things come to confusion.

The man bows his head. The spotlight goes dark.

A roar of APPLAUSE erupts in the theater.

In the darkness onstage, the man is joined by the rest of the
cast. They join hands, smile and nod to each other.

The lights flood the stage and they take their bows to the
roar of a standing ovation.

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Drama","Romance"]

Summary In a theater set resembling a grove of trees, a man delivers a poignant monologue about the intricacies of true love, touching on themes of war, death, and life's transience. As he concludes, the spotlight fades, and the audience erupts in applause. The cast joins him on stage, holding hands and smiling as they take their bows, receiving a standing ovation that celebrates their shared success.
Strengths
  • Poetic dialogue
  • Emotional depth
  • Visual symbolism
Weaknesses
  • Lack of plot progression
  • Low external conflict

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9.2

The scene effectively sets the tone for the themes of love and loss, with beautiful poetic dialogue and a visually striking setting. The emotional impact is strong, and the execution is well done.


Story Content

Concept: 9.5

The concept of exploring the fleeting nature of love through poetic monologue is unique and engaging. It sets the stage for a deeper exploration of relationships and human emotions.

Plot: 8.5

While the plot doesn't progress significantly in this scene, it sets up the central themes and conflicts that will drive the story forward. The focus on love and loss is crucial to the overall narrative.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh perspective on the theme of love and relationships, exploring the complexities and challenges in a unique and evocative way. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are introduced effectively through their performances and dialogue, setting up their emotional journeys and relationships. The protagonist's introspective nature is particularly compelling.

Character Changes: 8

The protagonist undergoes a subtle emotional change as he reflects on the nature of love, setting the stage for his character arc and development throughout the screenplay.

Internal Goal: 9

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to express his thoughts and feelings about the nature of true love. His monologue reflects his deeper contemplation on the complexities and challenges of love.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to deliver a successful performance and receive applause from the audience. This reflects the immediate challenge of performing well on stage.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

While there is no overt conflict in this scene, the internal conflict of the protagonist grappling with the nature of love and loss adds depth and tension to the narrative.

Opposition: 6

The opposition in the scene is subtle, with the protagonist facing internal conflicts and philosophical challenges rather than external obstacles. The audience is left wondering about the deeper meaning behind his words.

High Stakes: 5

The stakes are not particularly high in this scene, focusing more on emotional and thematic depth rather than external conflicts or risks.

Story Forward: 7

While the scene doesn't move the plot forward significantly, it establishes important themes and character dynamics that will drive the story in subsequent scenes.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable in its emotional twists and turns, as the protagonist delves into the complexities of love and relationships. The audience is kept on their toes by the unexpected insights and revelations.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the protagonist's belief in the fleeting nature of love and the challenges that come with it. This conflict challenges his worldview and beliefs about relationships.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9.5

The scene evokes a strong emotional response from the audience, tapping into universal feelings of love, longing, and sadness. The poignant dialogue and visuals enhance the emotional impact.

Dialogue: 9.5

The poetic and reflective dialogue is a standout element of the scene, conveying deep emotions and themes with elegance and beauty. It sets the tone for the rest of the screenplay.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its emotional depth, poetic language, and thematic resonance. The audience is drawn into the protagonist's introspective reflections on love and relationships.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and emotional resonance, with a gradual buildup to the protagonist's climactic monologue. The rhythm of the dialogue and stage directions enhances the scene's impact.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene adheres to the expected format for a screenplay, with clear scene headings, dialogue, and stage directions. It effectively conveys the visual and auditory elements of the theater setting.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for a dramatic monologue in a theater setting, with a clear beginning, middle, and end. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the effectiveness of the scene.


Critique
  • The opening scene effectively sets a dramatic tone with the use of a solitary man on stage, illuminated by a spotlight, which creates a strong visual and emotional impact. However, the choice of monologue could be more closely tied to the character's personal journey or the overarching themes of the screenplay to enhance its relevance.
  • The language used in the monologue is poetic and reminiscent of Shakespeare, which can be powerful, but it may also alienate some audience members who are not familiar with such language. Consider simplifying some of the language or providing context to make it more accessible while retaining its lyrical quality.
  • The transition from the monologue to the applause is well-executed, but the scene could benefit from a brief moment of silence or reflection after the monologue before the applause begins. This would allow the audience to absorb the weight of the words spoken and create a more poignant moment.
  • The imagery of butterflies and the grove of trees is visually appealing, but it may feel somewhat disconnected from the themes of love, war, and death discussed in the monologue. Strengthening the connection between the visual elements and the thematic content could enhance the scene's overall impact.
  • The inclusion of the cast joining the man on stage adds a sense of community and celebration, which is a nice touch. However, it might be more effective if the characters displayed a range of emotions in their reactions to the performance, reflecting the complexity of their experiences and relationships.
Suggestions
  • Consider revising the monologue to include personal anecdotes or reflections that tie the themes of love, war, and death more closely to the character's own experiences, making it more relatable and impactful.
  • Simplify some of the language in the monologue to ensure it resonates with a broader audience while maintaining its poetic essence.
  • Add a moment of silence or a reflective pause after the monologue before the applause begins to allow the audience to fully absorb the emotional weight of the words.
  • Enhance the connection between the visual elements (butterflies, trees) and the themes of the monologue by incorporating imagery that reflects the fragility of love and life, such as fleeting moments or the passage of time.
  • Encourage the cast members to express a wider range of emotions during their entrance and bow, showcasing their individual reactions to the performance and enriching the sense of camaraderie and shared experience.



Scene 2 -  Backstage Celebration
INT. BACKSTAGE - A LITTLE LATER

The man is holding a slice of cheese pizza in his teeth while
he changes out of his costume. INTO A GREEN JUMPSUIT.

The rest of the cast don identical jumpsuits while TWO
CORRECTIONS OFFICERS watch over them.
Yet still, the excitement among the company is electric --
everyone congratulating each other, hugging.

Soon the whole company lines up on the wall. A CORRECTIONS
OFFICER starts counting them. One after another, the cast and
crew call out their numbers.

We draw closer to the man who gave the monologue, waiting his
turn. We see the contours and shadows of his face in sharp
relief, his eyes bright despite the years on his face. This
is JOHN “DIVINE G” WHITFIELD.

CUT TO:

TITLE CARD.
Genres: ["Drama","Comedy"]

Summary In a vibrant backstage scene shortly after a performance, John 'Divine G' Whitfield changes into a green jumpsuit while enjoying a slice of cheese pizza. The cast joins him, all donning identical jumpsuits under the watchful eyes of two corrections officers. Despite the officers' presence, the atmosphere is electric with excitement as the cast congratulates each other and lines up for a count. The camaraderie and joy of the moment overshadow the authoritative control, culminating in a close-up of Divine G's expressive face, hinting at resilience and anticipation.
Strengths
  • Effective balance of humor and drama
  • Engaging concept and setting
  • Well-developed characters
Weaknesses
  • Low conflict level
  • Minimal character change

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 7.5

The scene effectively balances humor and drama, keeping the audience engaged and intrigued. The use of the prison setting adds depth to the story and raises questions about the characters' backgrounds.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of juxtaposing the serious themes of love with the lighthearted backstage celebration is innovative and engaging. The use of the prison setting adds depth and intrigue to the story.

Plot: 7

The plot of the scene is engaging, with the introduction of the prison setting adding a new layer of complexity to the story. The celebration serves as a contrast to the serious themes explored in the monologue.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh perspective on the backstage dynamics of a performance, blending elements of drama and suspense with a hint of mystery. The characters' interactions and reactions feel authentic and engaging, adding a layer of complexity to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 7.5

The characters are well-developed, with John 'Divine G' Whitfield standing out as a compelling and enigmatic figure. The interactions between the cast members during the celebration add depth to their relationships.

Character Changes: 6

There is minimal character change in the scene, as the focus is more on the celebration and camaraderie among the characters. However, the introduction of the prison setting hints at potential character development to come.

Internal Goal: 8

John 'Divine G' Whitfield's internal goal in this scene is to maintain his composure and confidence despite the pressure of the situation. His desire to succeed and prove himself as a performer is reflected in his demeanor and interactions with others.

External Goal: 7

John's external goal is to successfully complete the lineup and count off with the rest of the cast and crew. This reflects the immediate challenge of following instructions and conforming to the rules of the performance or prison setting.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

The conflict in the scene is relatively low, with the focus more on the characters' relationships and the celebration. The introduction of the prison setting hints at potential conflicts to come.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the presence of corrections officers and the pressure of the lineup creating obstacles for the characters to overcome. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of how the characters will navigate the challenges they face.

High Stakes: 6

The stakes in the scene are relatively low, with the focus more on the characters' relationships and the celebration. However, the introduction of the prison setting hints at potential high stakes and conflicts to come.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by introducing the prison setting and hinting at potential conflicts to come. The celebration adds depth to the relationships between the characters and sets the stage for future developments.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the tension and uncertainty surrounding the characters' actions and motivations. The presence of corrections officers and the mysterious nature of the performance add an element of unpredictability to the scene.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict in this scene may revolve around the themes of freedom vs. confinement, individuality vs. conformity, or authenticity vs. performance. John's struggle to maintain his identity and integrity in a controlled environment may challenge his beliefs and values.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene has a moderate emotional impact, with moments of joy and camaraderie among the characters. The serious themes of love and fate explored in the monologue add depth and emotion to the scene.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is engaging and helps to reveal the personalities of the characters. The banter and camaraderie among the cast members during the celebration add humor and depth to the scene.

Engagement: 8

This scene is engaging because of its blend of suspense, drama, and character development. The interactions between the characters and the unfolding of the lineup create a sense of anticipation and intrigue, keeping the audience invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a gradual build-up of tension and emotion leading to the climactic moment of the lineup. The rhythm of the scene enhances its effectiveness, drawing the audience into the characters' experiences and motivations.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of the scene adheres to the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings, action lines, and dialogue. The visual descriptions and character interactions are presented in a visually engaging and easy-to-follow manner.

Structure: 9

The scene follows a clear and coherent structure, with a well-defined setting, characters, and conflict. The pacing and rhythm of the scene contribute to its effectiveness, building tension and suspense as the characters prepare for the lineup.


Critique
  • The transition from the previous scene to this one is somewhat abrupt. While the applause and celebration are palpable, the shift to the backstage environment could benefit from a smoother transition that captures the energy of the audience and the cast's elation more vividly.
  • The imagery of the man holding a slice of pizza in his teeth while changing into a jumpsuit is humorous and relatable, but it may also detract from the emotional weight established in the previous scene. Consider balancing the humor with a moment of reflection or camaraderie that acknowledges the significance of the performance.
  • The presence of the corrections officers adds a layer of tension, but it feels underexplored. Their role could be enhanced by showing how they interact with the cast, perhaps highlighting the contrast between the joy of the performance and the reality of their situation.
  • The description of John 'Divine G' Whitfield is effective in establishing his character, but it could be enriched by including a brief internal thought or memory that connects his past with the present moment, deepening the audience's understanding of his journey.
  • The counting scene is a nice touch, emphasizing the structured environment of the prison, but it could be more dynamic. Instead of a straightforward count, consider incorporating playful banter or a moment of tension that reflects the camaraderie and resilience of the cast.
Suggestions
  • Add a brief moment of dialogue or interaction among the cast members as they change, allowing them to share their excitement and reflect on the performance, which would create a more engaging atmosphere.
  • Consider including a visual or auditory cue that connects the backstage excitement to the audience's applause, such as muffled cheers or the sound of the audience still resonating in the background.
  • Explore the corrections officers' perspectives by giving them a line or two that reflects their thoughts on the performance or their role in the prison, adding depth to their characters.
  • Incorporate a flashback or a brief internal monologue for Divine G that connects his past experiences with the joy of performing, enhancing the emotional stakes of the scene.
  • Make the counting scene more interactive by allowing the cast to playfully tease each other or express their excitement in a way that showcases their personalities, making the moment feel more alive.



Scene 3 -  Determined Solitude
EXT. SING SING CORRECTIONAL FACILITY - MORNING

Sing Sing Correctional Facility is rooted on the shore of the
Hudson River. Red brick, ancient stone, razor wire. The lull
of water on the bank, the breeze through forest trees.

The only prison in the U.S. where a commuter train whips
through the yard heading to Cold Spring, to Poughkeepsie, to
towns beyond.

The walls of Sing Sing barely tremble.


INT. B BLOCK - EARLY MORNING

First light. Sing Sing’s infamous B BLOCK - 4 stories tall
and housing over 800 men - is raucous and echoes with noise.

As we move down the corridor we hear the sound of typing.

We arrive at Divine G’s cell. He’s seated in front of a
TYPEWRITER, headphones on as he types. He slides a fresh
sheet of paper, sets the margins, and continues his work.
Genres: ["Drama","Prison"]

Summary The scene opens with a view of Sing Sing Correctional Facility, contrasting its imposing structure with the serene surroundings. Inside B Block, over 800 inmates create a lively atmosphere, but the focus is on John 'Divine G' Whitfield, who is intensely typing at a typewriter while wearing headphones. The morning setting highlights his dedication and creativity amidst the prison's chaos, with no dialogue present, only the sounds of typing and ambient noise. The scene concludes with Divine G's unwavering commitment to his work.
Strengths
  • Strong setting establishment
  • Intriguing character introduction
  • Effective tone setting
Weaknesses
  • Limited dialogue
  • Potential for more dynamic interactions

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.2

The scene effectively sets the tone and introduces the audience to the harsh environment of the prison while highlighting Divine G's dedication to his work.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of showcasing Divine G's writing process in the midst of a prison environment is intriguing and sets up potential conflicts and character development.

Plot: 8

The plot introduces the audience to Divine G's daily routine and hints at potential challenges and obstacles he may face in his creative pursuits.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a unique setting of Sing Sing Correctional Facility and explores the theme of creativity in confinement through Divine G's character. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds depth to the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8

Divine G is portrayed as a dedicated and focused individual, setting the stage for potential character growth and internal conflicts.

Character Changes: 7

While Divine G's character is not shown to undergo significant changes in this scene, the groundwork is laid for potential growth and transformation.

Internal Goal: 8

Divine G's internal goal in this scene is to find solace and escape through his writing. It reflects his deeper need for creativity and expression in a restrictive environment.

External Goal: 7

Divine G's external goal in this scene is to focus on his writing and avoid distractions or conflicts within the prison environment.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict is primarily internal at this point, as Divine G navigates the challenges of pursuing his passion in a restrictive setting.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create conflict and obstacles for Divine G, adding depth to the narrative and keeping the audience engaged.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are moderately high for Divine G, as his passion for writing is juxtaposed against the constraints of his prison environment.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing Divine G's daily routine and hinting at the challenges he may face in his creative pursuits.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the potential conflicts and challenges that Divine G may face in the prison environment, keeping the audience on edge.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the struggle between confinement and freedom. Divine G's desire to write and create clashes with the limitations imposed by the prison environment, challenging his beliefs about self-expression and autonomy.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes a sense of tension and isolation, setting the stage for potential emotional developments in Divine G's journey.

Dialogue: 7.5

The scene is more focused on the visual and atmospheric elements than dialogue, but the brief interactions help establish the relationships between Divine G and the prison environment.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its immersive descriptions, tense atmosphere, and the audience's curiosity about Divine G's character and his writing.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, drawing the audience into Divine G's world and his writing process.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and concise, following the expected format for a screenplay set in a prison environment.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene effectively establishes the prison setting and Divine G's focus on his writing, following the expected format for a dramatic prison scene.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes the setting of Sing Sing Correctional Facility, using vivid imagery to contrast the prison's harshness with the serene natural surroundings. This juxtaposition sets a compelling tone for the audience, hinting at the complexities of life within the prison walls.
  • The transition from the exterior of the prison to the interior of B Block is smooth, maintaining the flow of the narrative. However, the scene could benefit from a stronger emotional hook to engage the audience more deeply. While the description of the environment is rich, it lacks a personal connection to Divine G's character at this point.
  • Divine G's action of typing at a typewriter while wearing headphones is a strong visual that conveys his dedication and focus. However, the scene could explore his internal thoughts or feelings during this moment, providing insight into his character and what he is writing. This would enhance the audience's connection to him.
  • The sound of typing is introduced but not fully utilized. Sound can be a powerful tool in film, and incorporating more auditory elements—such as the ambient noise of the prison or the distant sounds of the train—could create a more immersive experience for the viewer.
  • The scene lacks dialogue or interaction with other characters, which could help to establish Divine G's relationships and the dynamics within the prison. Introducing a brief exchange with another inmate or a correctional officer could add depth and context to his character.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief internal monologue or voiceover from Divine G as he types, reflecting on his thoughts about life in prison, his aspirations, or the significance of what he is writing. This would provide a deeper emotional layer to the scene.
  • Incorporate more sensory details, such as the sounds of the prison waking up, the smell of food being prepared, or the distant chatter of inmates. This would create a more vivid atmosphere and enhance the audience's immersion in the setting.
  • Introduce a moment of interaction with another character, such as a fellow inmate or a corrections officer, to provide context for Divine G's situation and to showcase his relationships within the prison. This could also serve to highlight the contrast between his creative pursuits and the harsh realities of prison life.
  • Explore the significance of the typewriter and what Divine G is writing. Perhaps he is working on a play or a letter that reveals his hopes for the future, which could foreshadow later events in the story.
  • Consider ending the scene with a more impactful visual or auditory cue, such as the sound of the train passing by or a close-up of Divine G's focused expression, to leave the audience with a strong impression of his character and the environment.



Scene 4 -  Moments of Connection
INT. CELLBLOCK CORRIDOR - MORNING

A long line of men snaking through corridors and gates. Each
gate thundering open before them, pounding shut behind. A
sound felt in the bones.


INT. MESS HALL - LATER

Divine G moves his fork through runny powdered eggs. His
instant coffee steaming.
A man stands next to him. Divine G doesn’t look up.

BOOK FAN
Excuse me. I’ve been trying to
catch you in the yard, but...

Divine G looks up at him. The man holds out a BOOK: a
bedraggled copy of MONEY GRIP by Divine G.

BOOK FAN (CONT’D)
Mind signing it?

Divine G warms up.

DIVINE G
Of course.
(sees the title)
You from Rikers?

BOOK FAN
Spent two years there. How’d you
know?

DIVINE G
This one was very popular there for
a while. Got a pen?

Divine G signs the book, then returns to his breakfast. The
man is still there. Standing awkwardly.

BOOK FAN
Man I can’t believe Puck did you
dirty like that.

DIVINE G
Hell of a twist.

BOOK FAN
But hey man, for real...

He doesn’t know how to say it, but he fumbles through an
AWKWARD THANK YOU to Divine G for the emotional scene on
stage.

BOOK FAN (CONT’D)
I hadn’t seen anything like that
before.

Divine G removes his glasses and looks up at the man.

DIVINE G
Releasing those tears is healthy
for you. Don’t tamp that shit down.
EXT. YARD - AFTERNOON

Divine G stands against a wall in a corner of the yard. He
pulls out a baggie of carrots and green beans and shakes it
out on the ground.

A GROUP OF GEESE gather around him. They know Divine G, they
eat greedily. Divine G scolds one of them.

DIVINE G
Come on. Don’t hog it all from your
brothers.

He watches the patterns of men in the yard.

Then a SIREN WAILS and Divine G drops onto his belly, puts
his hands on the back of his head along with everyone else in
the yard.
Genres: ["Drama","Prison"]

Summary In a prison setting, Divine G interacts with a fan in the mess hall, signing his book 'MONEY GRIP' and discussing its emotional impact. This exchange highlights the fan's vulnerability and Divine G's supportive nature. Later, Divine G shows a softer side by feeding geese in the yard, but the scene takes a tense turn when a siren wails, forcing him and others to comply with the harsh realities of prison life.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
  • Authentic dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Lack of overt conflict
  • Limited plot progression

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys a sense of emotional depth and vulnerability through the interactions between characters, as well as providing insight into the daily life and relationships within the prison setting. The dialogue is poignant and reveals layers of the characters' personalities.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring themes of emotional vulnerability and human connection within the confines of a prison setting is compelling and well-executed in this scene.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene revolves around the emotional interactions between Divine G and the book fan, as well as the feeding of geese in the yard, adding depth to the character and setting.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces fresh perspectives on prison life and explores the complexities of human emotions in a unique way. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and original.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters in the scene, particularly Divine G, are well-developed and display a range of emotions and vulnerabilities that make them relatable and engaging to the audience.

Character Changes: 8

Divine G undergoes a subtle emotional transformation in the scene, displaying vulnerability and empathy towards others, which adds depth to his character.

Internal Goal: 8

Divine G's internal goal is to maintain his emotional composure and connect with others on a deeper level despite his tough exterior. This reflects his need for emotional release and connection.

External Goal: 7

Divine G's external goal is to navigate the social dynamics of the prison environment and maintain his reputation. This reflects the immediate challenges he faces in prison life.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

While there is a subtle undercurrent of conflict in the scene, particularly in Divine G's interactions with the book fan, the focus is more on emotional depth and character development.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create tension and uncertainty, adding depth to the character interactions.

High Stakes: 5

While the stakes are not overtly high in this scene, the emotional depth and vulnerability of the characters create a sense of personal stakes and connection for the audience.

Story Forward: 7

The scene provides insight into Divine G's emotional journey and relationships within the prison, moving the story forward in terms of character development.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected emotional connections between characters and the shifting power dynamics.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between emotional vulnerability and toughness. Divine G encourages the Book Fan to express his emotions, while also maintaining his own tough exterior.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, eliciting sympathy and connection with the characters' struggles and vulnerabilities.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue in the scene is poignant and reveals insights into the characters' inner thoughts and emotions, driving the emotional impact of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the emotional depth of the characters, the realistic dialogue, and the tension in the prison setting.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by balancing emotional moments with action and dialogue, keeping the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings and character actions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with clear transitions between locations and well-paced dialogue.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes Divine G's character as someone who is both respected and approachable, as evidenced by the interaction with the book fan. However, the dialogue could be more dynamic to enhance the emotional weight of the moment. The book fan's awkwardness is relatable, but it could be deepened to reflect more on how Divine G's work has impacted him personally.
  • The transition from the mess hall to the yard feels abrupt. While the siren serves as a dramatic punctuation, the shift could benefit from a more gradual build-up that connects the two locations thematically or emotionally. For instance, a brief moment of reflection from Divine G about the significance of his interactions could create a smoother transition.
  • The imagery of Divine G feeding geese is a nice touch that adds depth to his character, showcasing a softer side. However, the scene could explore this further by incorporating more sensory details or internal thoughts from Divine G, allowing the audience to connect with his emotions and the symbolism of nurturing amidst a harsh environment.
  • The dialogue in the mess hall is functional but lacks a certain flair that could make it more memorable. Consider adding subtext or humor to Divine G's responses, which could reveal more about his personality and coping mechanisms in prison. This would also enhance the reader's engagement with the characters.
  • The abrupt ending with the siren wailing is effective in creating tension, but it might leave the audience wanting more context. A brief moment of Divine G's internal reaction to the siren could heighten the stakes and provide insight into his mindset, making the scene feel more complete.
Suggestions
  • Enhance the dialogue between Divine G and the book fan by incorporating more emotional resonance. Perhaps the fan could share a personal story about how Divine G's work helped him cope with his own struggles, deepening their connection.
  • Consider adding a moment of reflection for Divine G before the transition to the yard, allowing him to ponder the impact of his performance and the significance of his interactions with the inmates.
  • Incorporate more sensory details during the yard scene, such as the sounds of the geese or the atmosphere of the yard, to create a richer visual and emotional experience for the audience.
  • Add humor or wit to Divine G's responses in the mess hall to showcase his personality and coping mechanisms, making the dialogue more engaging and memorable.
  • Include a brief internal monologue or reaction from Divine G when the siren wails, providing insight into his emotional state and heightening the tension of the moment.



Scene 5 -  Decisions in the Classroom
INT. CLASSROOM - ANOTHER DAY

Divine G -- reading glasses low on his nose and a notepad in
his lap -- sits with a group of four other men in a cramped
classroom. This is the STEERING COMMITTEE.

Inspirational posters hang askew on the walls around them:

You’ll always miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.

Attitudes are contagious, is yours worth catching?

DIVINE G
Alright gentlemen. Beautiful work
last night. Let’s hear those kudos.

The men discuss their favorite parts of the production. The
beautiful moments, the standout performances, the gaffes, the
reactions from the crowd.

JJ
But G. That monologue... I never
heard population that quiet.

DAP
When you looked around at those
butterflies...

The group murmurs in appreciation of the moment.

DIVINE G
It’s because I forgot the rest of
the monologue. I was thinking.
They all laugh.

DIVINE G (CONT’D)
Dropped two lines though. I’ll
never forgive myself.

Divine G flips the page on his clipboard.

DIVINE G (CONT’D)
Now, uh, we also need to talk about
what we can do better. Those
transitions were... rough.

MIKE MIKE
Man. I’m still riding high. Already
miss stepping on the wood.
(looking around)
Maybe talk about improvements at
the next meeting.

The others nod. So Divine G flips another page.

DIVINE G
Alright. Well, Want to go over the
waitlist? See if there’s anyone to
pull up?

They review the waitlist. Debate different men vying for
acceptance into the program. Who they think has the most to
gain from the work.

DIVINE G (CONT’D)
What about Curtis Cross?

MIKE MIKE
I talked to some people about him.
He’s not serious. He’s just wants
to be a star. Steal the show.

DIVINE G
Alright. Maybe he stays on the
waitlist one more round. Then we
revisit him?

They agree.

DIVINE G (CONT’D)
One more. This is his second
request. Divine Eye.

The others are wary of the idea. Divine Eye has a reputation
for running the yard.
DIVINE G (CONT’D)
I know it. But he’s teaching a
history class with the NAACP. He’s
smart. He just needs something
better than yard work to channel
his talents into.

The others still aren’t convinced.

DIVINE G (CONT’D)
Isn’t that why we’re here? To go
after the ones who need this
program?

They get quiet.

DIVINE G (CONT’D)
Let’s just interview him. See
what’s what.

They agree.


EXT. YARD BERM - ANOTHER DAY

Divine G and Mike Mike are talking on the edge of the yard.
Both scanning the yard, looking for someone.

MIKE MIKE
(looks at the sky)
It’s too hot for this. Let’s look
for him another day.

Divine G just watches the yard.

DIVINE G
There he is.

Divine G starts walking, Mike Mike follows.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary In a cramped classroom, Divine G leads a Steering Committee meeting to discuss their recent production, celebrating standout performances while addressing areas for improvement. The group debates the inclusion of waitlisted candidates Curtis Cross and Divine Eye, with Divine G advocating for Divine Eye and suggesting an interview to assess his potential. The scene shifts to Divine G and Mike Mike searching for someone in the yard, with Mike Mike expressing discomfort from the heat.
Strengths
  • Strong character development
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Cohesive group dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Limited external conflict
  • Some repetitive dialogue

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene is well-structured, with a clear purpose of evaluating the past performance and planning for the future. The dialogue is engaging and reveals the characters' motivations and dynamics effectively.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the scene revolves around the idea of growth and improvement, both in terms of the characters' performances and their personal development. It effectively conveys the importance of teamwork and self-reflection.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene focuses on the group's discussion about their recent performance and the decisions they need to make regarding new members. It moves the story forward by showing the characters' dedication to their craft and their willingness to support each other.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces fresh perspectives on redemption and personal growth, with authentic dialogue that captures the complexities of human relationships.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters in the scene are well-developed, with distinct personalities and motivations. Their interactions reveal their relationships and individual growth throughout the discussion.

Character Changes: 7

Some characters show growth and development throughout the scene, particularly in their willingness to consider new members and reflect on their past mistakes. The discussion prompts them to reevaluate their priorities and goals.

Internal Goal: 8

Divine G's internal goal is to help individuals in need of the program and provide them with opportunities for personal development and growth.

External Goal: 7

Divine G's external goal is to assess potential candidates for the program and make decisions on their acceptance or placement on the waitlist.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

While there is some internal conflict within the group regarding new members, the overall tone of the scene is more collaborative and reflective. The conflict serves to drive the discussion forward and create tension.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene comes from the differing opinions of the Steering Committee members regarding potential candidates, adding conflict and tension.

High Stakes: 6

While the stakes are not extremely high in this scene, the decisions made by the characters have implications for their future success and the cohesion of the group. The outcome of their discussions will impact their relationships and goals.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by setting up new challenges and opportunities for the characters. It establishes the group dynamics and goals, paving the way for future conflicts and resolutions.

Unpredictability: 7

The scene is unpredictable in terms of the decisions made regarding potential candidates for the program, keeping the audience engaged.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict revolves around the idea of giving individuals a second chance and believing in their potential for growth, despite their past actions or reputations.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene has a moderate emotional impact, as it showcases the characters' dedication to their craft and their willingness to support each other. The camaraderie and growth within the group evoke a sense of hope and positivity.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue in the scene is engaging and realistic, capturing the characters' emotions and intentions effectively. It drives the plot forward and reveals important information about the characters' backgrounds and motivations.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to the dynamic interactions between the characters, the decision-making process, and the underlying themes of personal growth and redemption.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense as the characters discuss and make decisions regarding potential candidates.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting adheres to the expected format for a dialogue-heavy scene in a screenplay.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a structured format that effectively conveys the progression of the discussion and decision-making process.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the camaraderie and reflective nature of the Steering Committee, showcasing their appreciation for the recent performance. However, the dialogue could benefit from more distinct character voices to enhance individuality among the committee members. Each character's perspective on the performance and their personalities could be more pronounced.
  • The humor in Divine G's admission about forgetting lines adds a light touch, but it might be more impactful if it were tied to a specific moment from the performance. This would create a stronger connection between the characters' reflections and the audience's experience.
  • The transition from discussing the performance to the waitlist feels somewhat abrupt. A smoother segue could help maintain the flow of the scene. Perhaps Divine G could reflect on how the performance impacts their decisions regarding new members, creating a thematic link between the two discussions.
  • The debate over Curtis Cross and Divine Eye introduces tension, but the stakes could be raised further. Providing more context about Divine Eye's reputation and why the committee is hesitant could deepen the conflict and make Divine G's advocacy more compelling.
  • The scene ends with Divine G and Mike Mike searching for Divine Eye, which is a good setup for the next scene. However, it might be beneficial to include a brief moment of reflection or anticipation from Divine G before they move on, emphasizing his commitment to bringing in new talent despite the risks.
Suggestions
  • Consider giving each committee member a unique way of speaking or a specific catchphrase to differentiate their voices and make the dialogue more engaging.
  • Incorporate a specific anecdote or moment from the performance that Divine G can reference when discussing the monologue, enhancing the emotional resonance of the scene.
  • Add a transitional line or moment that connects the discussion of the performance to the waitlist, perhaps by having Divine G reflect on how the success of the show influences their choices for new members.
  • Provide more background on Divine Eye's reputation and the reasons for the committee's hesitance, possibly through a brief flashback or a shared story among the committee members.
  • Include a moment of introspection for Divine G before he and Mike Mike search for Divine Eye, allowing the audience to feel his determination and the weight of the decision to bring in new talent.



Scene 6 -  Betrayal in the Yard
EXT. YARD COURTYARD, 2ND LEVEL - CONTINUOUS

They approach a man walking across the yard. He’s broad-
shouldered and muscular, yet graceful: like he could dance as
well as he could fight. This is CLARENCE “DIVINE EYE” MACLIN.

DIVINE G
Excuse me, could I have a word? I--

DIVINE EYE
Be with you in a second. I gotta
take care of something right quick.
Divine Eye keeps walking. He descends some steps into the
lower courtyard. Divine G and Mike Mike stand there, annoyed,
and watch what unfolds below.


EXT. YARD COURTYARD, 1ST LEVEL - CONTINUOUS

Divine G and Mike Mike watch from a distance as Divine Eye
approaches a YOUNG PRISONER -- clearly new here -- who has
been waiting for him. This is CLAY. Divine Eye steps close to
him.

CLAY
Oh hey man.

DIVINE EYE
Yo. Nice layup out there.

CLAY
You saw that?

DIVINE EYE
What you mean? Of course I saw
that.

Divine Eye leans closer.

DIVINE EYE (CONT’D)
You got what I left with you?

CLAY
Yeah, of course. I held it all day
just like you told me.

DIVINE EYE
And you didn’t tell no one you had
it, right?

CLAY
No, no, of course not.

They stand there awkwardly a moment.

DIVINE EYE
Well let’s see it then.

CLAY
Oh yeah.

Clay scrambles in his pockets. Brings out SQUARE OF TIN FOIL,
folded tightly around something. Hands it to Divine Eye.
DIVINE EYE
Appreciate you helping me out like
that. I won’t forget it.

Divine G and Mike Mike just watch as this unfolds.

Divine Eye opens the packet just enough to check the
contents. A ROUGH-CRUSHED WHITE POWDER.

Divine Eye looks confused at it. Then at the Young Man.

CLAY
What...?

DIVINE EYE
What the fuck is this?

CLAY
What?

DIVINE EYE
What do you mean, what? This ain’t
what I gave you.

Divine Eye tastes some on his finger. Shakes his head.

CLAY
Huh? Yes it is, I just--

DIVINE EYE
What is this, fucking aspirin? What
the fuck are you trying to pull?

CLAY
Hey man, I didn’t... I put it in my
pocket just like you told me and--

DIVINE EYE
(quietly livid)
You think I’m a fucking fool?

CLAY
No man, I swear to God.

DIVINE EYE
You saying I’m lying then? That I
don’t know what I’m looking at?
Taste it.

CLAY
No, I believe you, I just--
DIVINE EYE
This is aspirin. You know what I
fucking left with you?

CLAY
No.

DIVINE EYE
Not fucking aspirin.

Divine Eye shoves it back to him. He steps close. The other
man is trying hard to stand there.

DIVINE EYE (CONT’D)
I don’t know what you did or didn’t
do, and I don’t care. That was five
hundred dollars. You fucked me. Now
you owe me five hundred dollars.

CLAY
Oh please man, come on--

DIVINE EYE
Next time I see you, you better
have a plan for how to get me my
money.

Divine Eye leaves Clay there, stunned.
Genres: ["Drama","Crime"]

Summary In a tense prison courtyard, Divine Eye confronts young prisoner Clay over a package he expected to contain valuable substances. Instead, Clay presents a disappointing tin foil packet with what Divine Eye suspects is merely aspirin. Furious at the perceived betrayal, Divine Eye demands $500 from a stunned and anxious Clay, leaving him in a state of shock as Divine Eye walks away, highlighting the power dynamics and stakes at play.
Strengths
  • Tense atmosphere
  • Sharp dialogue
  • Emotional intensity
Weaknesses
  • Limited character development for supporting characters

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively builds tension and suspense through the confrontation between Divine Eye and the young prisoner, creating a sense of unease and danger. The dialogue is sharp and impactful, conveying the high stakes and emotional intensity of the situation.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of deception and betrayal within the prison environment is effectively portrayed, adding depth to the characters and highlighting the dangers they face.

Plot: 8.5

The plot of the scene revolves around the confrontation between Divine Eye and the young prisoner, driving the narrative forward and revealing the complex dynamics at play within the prison.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh take on the familiar trope of a drug deal gone wrong, adding complexity and depth to the characters' motivations and conflicts. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue enhances the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters of Divine Eye and the young prisoner are well-developed, with distinct personalities and motivations that drive the conflict in the scene.

Character Changes: 8

Divine Eye undergoes a shift in perception of the young prisoner, revealing his distrust and anger towards deception, adding complexity to his character.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to maintain his reputation and authority within the prison. This reflects his deeper need for respect and control in a dangerous environment.

External Goal: 7.5

The protagonist's external goal is to confront a young prisoner who has betrayed him in a drug deal. This reflects the immediate challenge of asserting his dominance and ensuring his business dealings are not compromised.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is high, with intense emotions and confrontations between the characters, driving the tension and suspense.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Divine Eye facing a difficult challenge in dealing with Clay's betrayal and deception, adding complexity and conflict to the narrative.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in the scene, with the characters facing the consequences of deception and betrayal in a dangerous environment.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by revealing the dangerous dynamics within the prison and setting up future conflicts and developments.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected turn of events in the drug deal, keeping the audience guessing about the outcome.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around trust and betrayal. Divine Eye's values of loyalty and respect clash with Clay's deception and incompetence, challenging Divine Eye's worldview and beliefs about honor and integrity.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene has a strong emotional impact, evoking feelings of tension, unease, and danger as the characters navigate the risks and consequences of their actions.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is sharp, intense, and impactful, effectively conveying the emotions and tensions between the characters in the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense conflict, high stakes, and dynamic character interactions that keep the audience on the edge of their seats.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension and suspense through well-timed reveals and confrontations.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings, action lines, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, building tension and conflict through well-paced dialogue and action.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes tension through the interaction between Divine Eye and Clay, showcasing Divine Eye's authoritative and aggressive demeanor. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtext to deepen the characters' motivations and emotions. For instance, Divine Eye's anger feels somewhat abrupt; adding a line or two that hints at his past experiences or the stakes involved could enhance the emotional weight of the confrontation.
  • The pacing of the scene is generally good, but the transition from Divine G and Mike Mike's perspective to the confrontation could be smoother. Consider incorporating more internal thoughts or reactions from Divine G and Mike Mike as they observe the interaction, which would help the audience connect with their perspective and heighten the tension.
  • The dialogue is realistic, but some lines could be tightened for clarity and impact. For example, when Divine Eye says, 'What the fuck is this?' it could be more impactful if it were delivered with a stronger emotional punch or a more creative phrasing that reflects his character's personality.
  • The visual description of Divine Eye as 'broad-shouldered and muscular, yet graceful' is intriguing, but it could be expanded to include more sensory details that convey the atmosphere of the yard. This would help ground the scene in its setting and enhance the visual storytelling.
  • The scene ends on a strong note with Divine Eye leaving Clay stunned, but it might benefit from a brief moment of reflection from Divine G and Mike Mike afterward. This could provide insight into their thoughts on the situation and set up their next actions or decisions.
Suggestions
  • Add internal monologue or reactions from Divine G and Mike Mike as they watch the confrontation unfold to enhance their emotional investment in the scene.
  • Consider incorporating a line or two that hints at Divine Eye's backstory or the stakes involved in the transaction to deepen the audience's understanding of his motivations.
  • Tighten the dialogue by rephrasing some lines for greater impact, ensuring that each line serves to reveal character or advance the plot.
  • Expand the visual description of the yard and the characters' physicality to create a more immersive atmosphere that complements the tension of the scene.
  • Include a brief moment of reflection from Divine G and Mike Mike after Divine Eye leaves, allowing them to express their thoughts on the situation and hinting at potential future conflicts or developments.



Scene 7 -  The Facade of Laughter
EXT. YARD COURTYARD, 2ND LEVEL - CONTINUOUS

Divine Eye is laughing as he climbs the stairs back to where
Divine G and Mike Mike wait for him.

MIKE MIKE
That’s fucked up.

DIVINE EYE
He’s gotta learn what it’s like
around here. Can’t be going around
trusting people. What can I help
yall with?

DIVINE G
You signed up for RTA. We’ve got a
couple openings for our next
production. Maybe you could put
your acting talents to better use
than hustling people.

DIVINE EYE
What, that? That was nothing. You
haven’t seen acting yet.
Divine G seems to be studying him.

DIVINE G
Why did you sign up for the
program?

DIVINE EYE
Heard yall got chick volunteers.

Divine G just stares at him. Sees through the act.

DIVINE EYE (CONT’D)
Do I need a reason?

DIVINE G
No. You just have to be honest.

Divine Eye looks around.

DIVINE EYE
I’m bored. Tired of this yard shit.
I came across this book that fell
off the library cart. Read a couple
lines. When we are born, we cry
that we are born to this great
stage of fools. I thought, this cat
must’ve done some time. He knows
what’s going on.

DIVINE G
So King Lear just happened to fall
off the library cart? And you just
read a few lines.

DIVINE EYE
Yeah well, life’s funny, isn’t it?

Divine G tries to hide his smile.

DIVINE G
We’ll be in touch.

Divine G and Mike Mike leave.
Genres: ["Drama","Prison"]

Summary In a courtyard, Divine Eye returns laughing after a trick, but his playful demeanor masks deeper feelings of boredom and a desire for change. Mike Mike disapproves of Divine Eye's actions, while Divine G challenges him to confront his motivations for joining an acting program. Despite Divine Eye's initial deflection, he reveals his longing for something more meaningful. The scene ends with Divine G and Mike Mike leaving, indicating they will consider Divine Eye for the production, highlighting the unresolved tension between humor and honesty.
Strengths
  • Sharp dialogue
  • Character dynamics
  • Setting up conflicts
Weaknesses
  • Limited character development
  • Abrupt ending

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively establishes the dynamic between Divine G and Divine Eye, setting up potential conflicts and character development. The dialogue is engaging and reveals layers of the characters' motivations.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of introducing Divine Eye to the RTA program as a way to channel his talents and address his boredom is compelling. It adds depth to the characters and sets up potential conflicts and growth.

Plot: 8

The plot progresses as Divine G invites Divine Eye to join the RTA program, setting the stage for potential conflicts and character development. The scene moves the story forward by introducing new dynamics.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh perspective on prison life, focusing on intellectual pursuits and personal growth within a challenging environment. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and nuanced, adding depth to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters of Divine G and Divine Eye are well-defined, with contrasting personalities and motivations. Divine G is serious and focused, while Divine Eye is more laid-back and opportunistic.

Character Changes: 7

While there are hints of potential character changes, particularly for Divine Eye as he considers joining the RTA program, the scene primarily focuses on establishing the characters' initial dynamics.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to find a sense of purpose and escape the monotony of prison life. He is seeking stimulation and intellectual engagement through the discovery of a book and the desire to participate in a production.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to potentially join a production and utilize his acting talents. This goal reflects his desire to find a new path and leave behind his current lifestyle of hustling.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict between Divine G and Divine Eye is subtly hinted at, setting up potential tensions and resolutions. The confrontation adds intensity to the scene and drives the character dynamics.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create tension and conflict, but not overwhelming. It presents a challenge for the protagonist to overcome, adding depth to the narrative.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are moderate in the scene, as Divine G offers Divine Eye a chance to join the RTA program, potentially leading to conflicts and character development. The decision could impact their future interactions.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing Divine Eye to the RTA program and setting up potential conflicts and resolutions. It adds depth to the narrative and expands the character dynamics.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the shifting power dynamics and hidden motivations of the characters. The audience is kept on their toes, unsure of how the interactions will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around honesty and authenticity. Divine G challenges Divine Eye to be honest about his motivations and actions, highlighting the importance of integrity in a dishonest environment.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene has a moderate emotional impact, particularly in the interaction between Divine G and Divine Eye. The contrast in their personalities and motivations adds depth and tension to the scene.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is sharp and impactful, revealing the characters' inner thoughts and motivations. It drives the scene forward and sets up potential conflicts and resolutions.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its dynamic character interactions, subtle tensions, and intriguing dialogue. The audience is drawn into the characters' motivations and conflicts, creating a sense of suspense and curiosity.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a balance of dialogue, action, and reflection. It maintains a steady rhythm that keeps the audience engaged and invested in the characters' journey.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows standard formatting for a screenplay, with clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting. It adheres to industry standards and enhances readability.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with well-defined character interactions and a progression of events. It effectively sets up conflicts and resolutions, contributing to the overall narrative.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the contrast between Divine Eye's confrontational nature and the more constructive intentions of Divine G and Mike Mike. However, the transition from the previous scene's tension to this more light-hearted interaction feels abrupt. The writer could enhance the flow by providing a brief moment of reflection or a visual cue that indicates a shift in tone.
  • Divine Eye's dialogue is engaging and showcases his personality, but it could benefit from more depth. While he expresses boredom and a desire for change, the motivations behind his actions remain somewhat superficial. Adding a line or two that hints at his past or deeper insecurities could create a more complex character.
  • The humor in Divine Eye's lines, particularly about the 'chick volunteers,' is effective, but it risks undermining the seriousness of the previous scene's conflict. Balancing humor with the gravity of their circumstances is crucial to maintain the emotional stakes. Consider incorporating a moment where Divine G challenges Divine Eye's flippancy, reinforcing the weight of their environment.
  • Divine G's probing questions about Divine Eye's motivations are a strong element of the scene, but the responses could be more revealing. Instead of just stating he is bored, Divine Eye could reflect on what specifically he finds unfulfilling about prison life, which would add layers to his character and make his eventual choice to join the program more impactful.
  • The ending feels somewhat abrupt as Divine G and Mike Mike leave without a clear resolution or next step for Divine Eye. A stronger conclusion could involve Divine Eye expressing a hint of interest or hesitation about joining the program, leaving the audience curious about his potential transformation.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment of reflection for Divine Eye after the previous scene to create a smoother transition into this lighter interaction.
  • Deepen Divine Eye's character by including a line that hints at his past or insecurities, making his motivations for joining the program more relatable.
  • Balance the humor in Divine Eye's dialogue with a moment where Divine G challenges him, reinforcing the seriousness of their environment and the stakes involved.
  • Encourage Divine Eye to elaborate on what specifically he finds unfulfilling about prison life, which would add depth to his character and motivations.
  • Strengthen the ending by having Divine Eye express a hint of interest or hesitation about joining the program, creating a sense of anticipation for his character's development.



Scene 8 -  Breaking the Ice
EXT. HUDSON RIVER - MORNING

The water is gentle over the Hudson. Sing Sing’s walls paint
the shoreline. CO’s move between guard towers like toy
soldiers. A sailboat lists by lazily.
INT. CLASSROOM - ANOTHER DAY

The classroom is now bustling with 15 MEN who have been
selected for the program.

A few actors filtering coffee through a sock. Others are
warming up with vocal exercises.

Divine G catches a glimpse of Divine Eye stepping into the
classroom. Circling the room, not sure where to stand or who
to talk to.

Soon, a civilian VOLUNTEER strides in, wearing work boots and
aviator pants. A gold post earring and a long white ponytail.
This is BRENT.

BRENT
Hello everyone. I see some familiar
faces, but for those of you who
don’t know me, my name is Brent,
I’ll be at your service as your
director for, whatever you decide
to do for your upcoming production.
But there’s plenty of time for all
that later. For now, let’s start
with a warmup.

He gathers everyone into a circle and moves to the center. He
tells them to start moving.

Then he gives them cues to perform different walks: Walk like
an old man. Like a model. Like a zombie. Like someone who’s
won the lottery.

The awkwardness fades from them and everyone loosens up.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary In a classroom filled with 15 men preparing for a theater program, Brent, a civilian volunteer and director, introduces himself and leads the group in warm-up exercises to ease their initial awkwardness. As they engage in various walking styles, the atmosphere shifts from tension to camaraderie, setting a positive tone for their collaboration. The scene contrasts the serene Hudson River outside with the lively activity inside, highlighting the transformation of the participants as they begin to loosen up.
Strengths
  • Authentic dialogue
  • Character development
  • Engaging interactions
Weaknesses
  • Lack of significant plot progression
  • Low stakes

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively introduces a new character, sets the tone for the upcoming production, and showcases the transformation of the inmates from awkwardness to confidence. The dialogue and interactions feel authentic and engaging.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of using a warmup exercise to bring the characters together and set the stage for the upcoming production is effective. It adds depth to the characters and foreshadows the development of their relationships.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene focuses on the introduction of Brent and the warmup exercise, which may seem simple but plays a crucial role in character development and setting the tone for future interactions.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh setting and dynamic character interactions, offering a unique perspective on prison life and creative expression. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and engaging.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters, especially Brent, Divine G, and Divine Eye, are well-defined and show growth throughout the scene. Their interactions feel genuine and contribute to the overall dynamic of the group.

Character Changes: 7

The characters, particularly Divine G and Divine Eye, show subtle changes in their demeanor and interactions as they participate in the warmup exercise. It hints at their potential growth and development.

Internal Goal: 8

Divine G's internal goal is to find his place and purpose in the classroom setting. He is unsure of where to stand or who to talk to, reflecting his deeper need for belonging and acceptance.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to participate in the upcoming production and work with the director, Brent. This goal reflects the immediate challenge of adapting to a new environment and engaging in creative activities.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 4

While there is a subtle tension in the interactions between the characters, the scene primarily focuses on building relationships and setting the tone for the upcoming production.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is moderate, with Divine G facing challenges in adapting to the new environment and interacting with the other participants. The audience is unsure of how he will overcome these obstacles.

High Stakes: 3

The stakes are relatively low in this scene, focusing more on character dynamics and preparation for the production. However, the sense of transformation and unity among the inmates adds depth to the narrative.

Story Forward: 6

While the scene doesn't significantly advance the main plot, it sets the stage for character development and the collaborative process of preparing for the production. It lays the foundation for future events.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected setting and character dynamics. The audience is unsure of how Divine G will navigate the challenges of the program and interact with the other participants.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

There is a philosophical conflict between Divine G's uncertainty and Brent's confident leadership. This challenges Divine G's beliefs about his own abilities and place in the program.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene elicits a range of emotions, from awkwardness to excitement, as the characters engage in the warmup exercise and begin to bond. There is a sense of hope and anticipation for what's to come.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is natural and engaging, reflecting the characters' personalities and the evolving relationships within the group. It effectively conveys the awkwardness, humor, and camaraderie among the inmates.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its dynamic setting, diverse characters, and the introduction of a creative program within a prison environment. The dialogue and character interactions draw the audience in and create intrigue.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is well-balanced, with a gradual build-up of tension and character interactions. The rhythm of the dialogue and actions contributes to the scene's effectiveness and engagement.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows standard formatting conventions for a screenplay, with clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting. It is easy to read and understand.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with a well-defined setting, character introductions, and progression of events. It effectively sets up the upcoming production and establishes character dynamics.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes a contrast between the serene Hudson River and the bustling classroom, which helps to set the tone for the characters' emotional states. However, the transition from the river to the classroom feels abrupt. A smoother transition could enhance the flow of the narrative.
  • Brent's introduction is engaging, but it lacks depth. While he is described visually, his character could benefit from a brief moment that reveals his personality or motivations. This would help the audience connect with him and understand his role as a director.
  • The warm-up exercise is a great way to showcase the characters' personalities and break the ice. However, the specific walks (like an old man, a model, etc.) could be more creatively tied to the characters' backgrounds or current situations, adding layers to their performances.
  • The dialogue is functional but could be more dynamic. Brent's lines are straightforward and lack a unique voice. Infusing his dialogue with humor or a personal anecdote could make him more memorable and relatable.
  • The scene introduces Divine Eye but does not provide much insight into his internal conflict or feelings about being in the program. A brief moment of introspection or interaction with another character could deepen his characterization and set up future conflicts.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a transitional moment that connects the serene imagery of the Hudson River with the chaotic energy of the classroom, perhaps through a character's thoughts or a brief narration.
  • Enhance Brent's character by including a quirky or memorable trait in his introduction, such as a humorous comment about the prison or a personal story that reflects his passion for theater.
  • Incorporate character-specific walks during the warm-up that reflect their personalities or past experiences, allowing for a more nuanced portrayal of each individual.
  • Revise Brent's dialogue to include more personality, perhaps through humor or a relatable anecdote that showcases his enthusiasm for directing and working with the inmates.
  • Add a moment where Divine Eye interacts with another character, revealing his thoughts or feelings about being part of the program. This could be a brief exchange that hints at his struggles or aspirations.



Scene 9 -  From Serious to Silly: A Theatrical Shift
INT. CLASSROOM - LATER

The company are all seated in chairs in a big circle.

BRENT
Gentlemen. Congratulations on
Midsummer. You did beautiful work.
You should be proud. Have you
decided what’s next?

The men start to discuss a range of shows. From On The
Waterfront to A Few Good Men to Candide to...

Then one of the men speaks up. Says it’s time they finally
put on one of Divine G’s plays. Novelist. Memoirist. Winner
of four national writing competitions.
BRENT (CONT’D)
I love it. Do you have something in
mind, G?

DIVINE G
Well, I don’t know...

The company pushes him, tells him to spit it out.

Divine G starts to pitch it.

DIVINE G (CONT’D)
OK. I just finished one actually.
It’s called, Fine Print. It’s the
saga of Zabar Turner, a record
producer, who gets tricked into
signing over his record company by
the conniving Fast Freddy. It’s a
story of his journey to get his
studio back. It’s about friendship,
the dangers of overzealous
ambition, betrayal, and the power
of perseverance. And how all
relationships under heaven
contain... Fine Print.

The company eats it up.

BRENT
Wow. Sounds amazing. Well, do we
have a any other ideas? Or should
we take a vote?

Divine Eye raises his hand.

BRENT (CONT’D)
Yes, a new face. Hi.

DIVINE EYE
Yeah, I don’t want to step on
anybody’s toes in here, and I don’t
mean no disrespect, but does every
play have to be so serious?

MIKE MIKE
What do you mean?

DIVINE EYE
I’m just saying, every day in here
is a drama. Every day is a tragedy.
Might be nice to do, I don’t know,
a comedy. Population might
appreciate it.
Divine G just listens.

BRENT
How does everyone else feel?

The rest of the men are warming to it.

DIVINE EYE
With a comedy, you could really
turn it up. Have music numbers,
dance numbers. Make it big.

DIVINE G
What kind of comedy would you
propose doing?

DIVINE EYE
What do you mean, what kind of
comedy?

DIVINE G
Do you want to do something broad?
Want to be more low-key and do
satire? Is it musical or not?

DIVINE EYE
Man I don’t know. I’m just saying--

DAP
A cowboy comedy.

Everyone goes quiet and looks at him.

DAP (CONT’D)
I’ve always wanted to do a cowboy
play.

This opens the floodgates. The men start throwing out random
ideas for the comedy: Pirates, Ancient Egypt, Robin Hood.
Freddy Krueger.

MIKE MIKE
OK hold on. Does anyone know a
comedy out there has all that?

Someone suggests Divine G write it.

DIVINE G
That’s not really in my wheelhouse.

BIG E
It could time travel.
DIVINE G
I know, but--

BRENT
That’s true. It could time travel
through all these places. Have a
ton of roles to get more people up
on stage. Have a message.

All eyes go to Brent.

BRENT (CONT’D)
I uh... I could write it if you
aren’t feeling it, G.

DIVINE G
Doesn’t bother me. If everyone else
is on board.

BRENT
I’ll run it by Katherine and if the
script is bad, we can always pivot
to something else.

MIKE MIKE
Well. I guess let’s take a vote.
All in favor of this original
comedy...

Everyone raises their hand.
Genres: ["Drama","Comedy"]

Summary In a classroom, Brent praises the group's previous work and initiates a discussion about their next project. Divine G pitches his serious play 'Fine Print,' but Divine Eye advocates for a comedic approach. The group engages in a lively brainstorming session, suggesting various comedic themes like a cowboy play and time travel. Ultimately, they decide to pursue a comedy, with Brent offering to write it if Divine G is not interested, leading to a unanimous vote in favor of the comedic direction.
Strengths
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Smooth transition in tone
  • Collaborative decision-making process
Weaknesses
  • Minimal conflict
  • Lack of significant character changes

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively transitions from a serious discussion about potential plays to a more light-hearted and collaborative atmosphere, engaging the audience in the decision-making process. The introduction of comedy as a genre adds freshness and excitement to the narrative.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of transitioning from drama to comedy within the context of a theater program in a correctional facility is innovative and adds depth to the narrative. The idea of collaborative decision-making for the next production is engaging.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene revolves around the group deciding on their next play, showcasing the dynamics between the characters and their creative process. The introduction of comedy as a genre adds a new layer to the storyline.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh approach to the typical 'play within a play' concept by exploring the creative process behind choosing a play to produce. The characters' dialogue feels authentic and reflects the dynamics of a creative team.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters in the scene are well-developed, each contributing their unique perspective to the discussion. The interactions between the characters reveal their personalities and motivations.

Character Changes: 6

While there are no significant character changes in the scene, the interactions and discussions contribute to the development of the characters' relationships and creative dynamics.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to find a balance between his own creative vision and the expectations of his peers. He wants to create a successful play that resonates with the audience while staying true to his artistic integrity.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to pitch his play idea and convince the company to produce it. He wants to see his vision come to life on stage and make a positive impact on the audience.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 5

The conflict in the scene is minimal, focusing more on the decision-making process and creative discussions. The tension arises from differing opinions on the genre of the next play.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene comes from the conflicting ideas and opinions of the theater company members, creating a sense of tension and uncertainty about the direction of the play production.

High Stakes: 4

The stakes in the scene are relatively low, focusing more on the creative decision-making process for the next production. The emphasis is on collaboration and creativity rather than high-stakes drama.

Story Forward: 8

The scene effectively moves the story forward by setting up the decision for the next production and introducing a shift in tone. It adds depth to the narrative and engages the audience in the characters' creative process.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because it introduces unexpected ideas and challenges the audience's expectations about the direction of the play production.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between the desire to create serious, thought-provoking drama and the suggestion to explore comedy as a genre. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs about the purpose of theater and the impact of different genres on the audience.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene has a moderate emotional impact, with moments of excitement, hope, and collaboration among the characters. The shift in tone from drama to comedy adds a layer of emotional depth.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue in the scene is engaging and reflective of the characters' personalities. It drives the plot forward and adds depth to the decision-making process for the next production.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it captures the excitement and energy of creative collaboration, with lively discussions, conflicting ideas, and unexpected twists.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and excitement as the characters discuss and debate their play ideas. The rhythm of the dialogue keeps the audience engaged and eager to see what happens next.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and easy to follow, with proper scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a meeting scene in a screenplay, with clear dialogue, character introductions, and a progression of ideas and decisions.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the camaraderie and creativity of the group, showcasing their enthusiasm for theater. However, the dialogue can feel a bit too expository at times, particularly when Divine G pitches his play. It might benefit from a more organic flow, allowing the characters to react more spontaneously to each other's ideas rather than simply stating them.
  • Divine Eye's introduction of the idea for a comedy is a strong moment that contrasts with the seriousness of previous productions. However, his character could be developed further to provide more depth to his motivations. Why does he feel a comedy is necessary? Adding a personal anecdote or emotional reasoning could enhance his argument and make it more relatable.
  • The brainstorming session for the comedy ideas is lively, but it risks becoming chaotic. While this reflects the energy of the group, it may be helpful to establish a clearer structure for the discussion. Perhaps Brent could guide the conversation more actively, ensuring that each idea is given a moment to breathe before moving on to the next.
  • The transition from Divine G's serious play to the comedic brainstorming could be smoother. Consider adding a moment of reflection or hesitation from Divine G before he fully embraces the idea of a comedy. This would highlight his internal conflict and make the eventual acceptance of the comedy more impactful.
  • The scene ends on a positive note with everyone raising their hands in favor of the comedy, but it could benefit from a stronger emotional beat. Perhaps a moment of shared laughter or a specific line that encapsulates their excitement could serve as a more memorable conclusion.
Suggestions
  • Revise Divine G's pitch to feel more conversational and less like a summary. Allow for interruptions or reactions from the group to create a more dynamic exchange.
  • Deepen Divine Eye's character by incorporating a personal story or reason for wanting to pursue comedy, making his perspective more compelling.
  • Introduce a more structured approach to the brainstorming session, with Brent actively moderating the discussion to keep it focused and engaging.
  • Add a moment of hesitation or reflection from Divine G before he agrees to the comedy, emphasizing his internal struggle and making his acceptance more meaningful.
  • Consider ending the scene with a specific line or moment that encapsulates the group's excitement for the comedy, creating a stronger emotional impact.



Scene 10 -  Comedy vs. Drama: A Late-Night Reflection
INT. DIVINE G’S CELL - LATER

Divine G is at his desk after lights out. Trying to repair
the bent arm of his glasses without breaking them.

A voice comes from the cell across from his.

MIKE MIKE (O.C.)
I’ve read five drafts of Fine
Print. It’s good man. And I mean...
it could be funny. With the right
take. Or maybe you could write a
musical number in it.

DIVINE G
(laughs)
It’s a straight drama. No point
trying to change that.
MIKE MIKE (O.C.)
Do you have another play that’s
funnier? Maybe we can take another
vote.

DIVINE G
Appreciate it brother. But--

MIKE MIKE (O.C.)
I think it’s important that we do a
play written by one of our own. It
would say a lot. And I hate to see
you get passed over when--

DIVINE G
Mike Mike. Please. I’m really OK
with it. When the time is right --
if the time is right -- we’ll do
one of mine. If not, it’s fine man.
Besides, it’s not like we’re short
on time in here.

He hears Mike Mike sigh.

MIKE MIKE (O.C.)
OK OK. Not trying to be pushy.

Divine G sets the glasses down. Thinks.

DIVINE G
I can’t remember the last time
everyone was that excited about a
play. Maybe he’s right. Maybe a
comedy will take the edge off
around here.

MIKE MIKE
I’ll say one thing, it’ll be easier
than all that dying stuff from the
last production.

Divine G resumes his work resurrecting the glasses.

DIVINE G
Dying is easy. Comedy is hard.
Genres: ["Drama","Comedy"]

Summary In a dimly lit cell after lights out, Divine G struggles to fix his glasses while conversing with Mike Mike, who praises Divine G's play 'Fine Print' and suggests it could benefit from a comedic twist. Despite Mike Mike's encouragement to write a comedy, Divine G expresses his satisfaction with his straight drama and reflects on the challenges of comedy compared to their previous heavier production. The scene highlights their camaraderie and ends with Divine G's poignant remark, 'Dying is easy. Comedy is hard.'
Strengths
  • Strong character development
  • Natural dialogue
  • Engaging concept
Weaknesses
  • Limited external conflict
  • Moderate emotional impact

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively balances moments of reflection and light-heartedness, showcasing the characters' resilience and creativity in a difficult environment.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of creating a comedy play in a prison setting is engaging and offers a unique perspective on the power of humor in challenging situations.

Plot: 8.5

The plot progresses smoothly, focusing on the characters' decision-making process regarding the play and setting up potential conflicts and resolutions.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh take on the familiar theme of artistic compromise, with nuanced character interactions and a realistic portrayal of creative struggles.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed, with distinct personalities and motivations that drive the scene forward and create engaging interactions.

Character Changes: 7

Divine G experiences a subtle shift in perspective regarding the play's direction, hinting at potential character growth in future scenes.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to come to terms with the idea of changing his serious drama play into a comedy. This reflects his deeper need for acceptance and recognition from his peers, as well as his fear of being overlooked or misunderstood.

External Goal: 7.5

The protagonist's external goal is to decide whether to change his play to a comedy or stick with the original serious tone. This reflects the immediate challenge of balancing artistic integrity with audience appeal.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

While there are hints of internal conflict, the scene primarily focuses on collaboration and decision-making, with minimal external conflict.

Opposition: 7.5

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create conflict and uncertainty, keeping the audience engaged in the characters' decisions.

High Stakes: 5

While the decision about the play's direction is important to the characters, the stakes are relatively low compared to more intense scenes.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing the idea of a comedy play and setting up potential conflicts and resolutions for the characters.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the shifting dynamics between the characters and the unexpected decision-making process of the protagonist.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between artistic integrity and audience expectations. The protagonist must navigate between staying true to his vision and adapting to feedback for wider appeal.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene elicits a range of emotions, from reflection to humor, but the emotional impact is not as intense as in more dramatic scenes.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is natural and reflective of the characters' personalities, effectively conveying their emotions and thoughts.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the dynamic dialogue and the relatable conflict between artistic integrity and audience expectations.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is well-balanced, allowing for moments of reflection and tension to build effectively.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene adheres to standard screenplay formatting, making it easy to follow and visualize for the reader.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with a natural progression of dialogue and actions, effectively building tension and conflict.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the camaraderie between Divine G and Mike Mike, showcasing their friendship and the supportive environment of the theater program. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtext to deepen the emotional stakes. For instance, while Divine G expresses contentment with the current situation, it would be more impactful if he revealed a hint of insecurity or longing for recognition, which would resonate with the audience.
  • The humor in the dialogue is a strong point, particularly Mike Mike's suggestion of a musical number. However, the transition from a serious discussion about plays to a light-hearted tone feels slightly abrupt. A smoother transition could enhance the flow of the scene and maintain the audience's engagement.
  • Divine G's line, 'Dying is easy. Comedy is hard,' is a powerful statement that encapsulates the theme of the scene. However, it could be expanded upon to reflect his personal struggles or experiences with comedy versus drama, adding depth to his character and making the line more poignant.
  • The setting of Divine G's cell is well-established, but the visual elements could be enhanced. Describing the clutter on his desk or the dim lighting could create a more vivid atmosphere that reflects Divine G's state of mind and the weight of his situation.
  • The pacing of the scene is generally good, but it could benefit from a moment of silence or reflection after Divine G's realization about the excitement surrounding the play. This pause could allow the audience to absorb the significance of his thoughts and the potential shift in direction for the theater program.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more subtext to Divine G's dialogue to reveal his internal conflicts or desires, making his character more relatable and layered.
  • Smooth out the transition between serious and humorous tones by incorporating a moment of levity that feels organic to the conversation, perhaps through a shared memory or joke.
  • Expand on Divine G's final line about comedy being hard by including a brief anecdote or reflection that illustrates his personal connection to the statement.
  • Enhance the visual description of the cell environment to create a more immersive setting that reflects Divine G's emotional state and the atmosphere of confinement.
  • Introduce a brief moment of silence or reflection after Divine G's realization about the excitement for a comedy, allowing the audience to fully grasp the weight of his thoughts and the potential change in direction for the play.



Scene 11 -  Casting Chaos: The Mummy's Code
INT. CLASSROOM - ONLY DAYS LATER

The theater group is together again. Brent is passing out
scripts for the play. He looks exhausted from jamming this
play out in just a few days.

Divine G looks at the title page. BREAKIN’ THE MUMMY’S CODE.
BRENT
I took everything you all wanted
and put it in here. Ancient Egypt,
pirates, Old West Gunfights. And I
sprinkled in the Black Plague and
Roman Gladiators because it seemed
like a good idea at the time.

DIVINE G
(thumbing through)
A hundred and forty-seven pages...

MIKE MIKE
...over the weekend?

BRENT
It was a lot to fit in. It’s got
some dance numbers, some songs, a
Hamlet soliloquy. But at its heart,
it’s the story of an Egyptian
prince who follows clues through
time to find his Mummy.

The men are trying to follow along. They start asking
questions about the plot, about how Hamlet fits in to Ancient
Egypt, is Freddy Krueger in there.

BRENT (CONT’D)
Yes. Freddy is in there. It will
make sense when you read it. For
now, just find a character you
identify with. Cast list is on the
board. Pick an audition slot.
There’s enough for everyone to have
at least one role in here.
Genres: ["Comedy","Fantasy","Musical"]

Summary In a classroom, the theater group gathers as Brent, the exhausted playwright, distributes lengthy scripts for their play 'BREAKIN’ THE MUMMY’S CODE.' The script blends historical and fictional elements, surprising Divine G with its length and prompting Mike Mike to question the feasibility of completing it in a weekend. Brent explains the plot about an Egyptian prince searching for his Mummy and encourages the group to select their roles from the cast list. Despite initial skepticism about the chaotic nature of the script, Brent reassures them, leading to a light-hearted atmosphere as they prepare for auditions.
Strengths
  • Humorous dialogue
  • Creative concept
  • Vibrant characters
Weaknesses
  • Minimal conflict
  • Chaotic plot development

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene is engaging, humorous, and showcases the creativity and resilience of the characters. The fast-paced creation of the script adds a sense of urgency and excitement to the scene.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of quickly creating a new play with a mix of genres and incorporating various elements suggested by the characters is innovative and engaging. The scene effectively introduces the concept of the play and sets up the audition process.

Plot: 8

The plot revolves around the creation of a new play and the excitement of the theater group as they explore the script and prepare for auditions. While the plot may seem chaotic, it effectively conveys the energy and enthusiasm of the characters.

Originality: 9

The scene is original in its approach to combining different genres and time periods in one play. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and fresh, adding to the overall originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters are vibrant, enthusiastic, and each brings a unique perspective to the creation of the new play. Their interactions and reactions add depth to the scene and highlight their individual personalities.

Character Changes: 5

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the characters' enthusiasm and collaboration hint at potential growth and development as they work on the new play.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to showcase his creativity and passion for storytelling through the play he has written. This reflects his deeper desire to be recognized for his talent and to bring his vision to life.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to get the theater group excited and engaged in the play he has written, and to encourage them to participate in auditions. This reflects the immediate challenge of getting the group on board with his ambitious project.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 4

The conflict in the scene is minimal, focusing more on the characters' interactions and the creative process of developing a new play. The tension arises from the characters' differing opinions and ideas, adding depth to the scene.

Opposition: 6

The opposition in the scene is moderate, with the characters facing challenges in understanding the protagonist's vision for the play and in reconciling their own expectations with his creative approach.

High Stakes: 3

The stakes in the scene are relatively low, focusing more on the creative process and camaraderie of the characters. The emphasis is on the excitement of developing a new play rather than high-stakes drama.

Story Forward: 8

The scene effectively moves the story forward by introducing a new project, setting up auditions, and establishing the tone and themes of the upcoming play. It propels the narrative by showcasing the characters' creative process.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists and turns in the plot, as well as the quirky and eccentric characters who keep the audience guessing.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between traditional storytelling conventions and the protagonist's innovative approach to combining different genres and time periods in one play. This challenges the group's beliefs about what a play should be and how it should be structured.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6.5

The scene evokes a sense of excitement, anticipation, and camaraderie among the characters, leading to a moderate emotional impact. The humor and creativity of the scene contribute to its emotional resonance.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is witty, humorous, and reflects the characters' excitement and creativity. It effectively conveys the collaborative spirit of the theater group and sets the tone for the upcoming auditions.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its fast-paced dialogue, humorous interactions between characters, and the intriguing premise of a play that combines different genres and time periods.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and excitement, as well as in establishing the comedic tone of the screenplay.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene follows the expected format for a screenplay, with proper scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for a comedic screenplay, with clear character introductions, dialogue-driven scenes, and a setup for future conflict and resolution.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the chaotic energy of a theater group trying to adapt to a new and ambitious script. Brent's exhaustion is palpable, which adds a layer of realism to the situation. However, the dialogue could benefit from more distinct character voices to enhance individuality among the cast members.
  • The concept of mixing genres and characters (like Freddy Krueger and Hamlet) is intriguing and could lead to comedic moments, but the execution feels rushed. The audience may struggle to grasp the absurdity of the plot without more context or setup. A brief explanation of how these elements connect could enhance clarity.
  • The pacing of the scene is somewhat uneven. While the initial setup is engaging, the rapid-fire delivery of plot points may overwhelm the audience. Slowing down the dialogue or breaking it up with reactions from the cast could help maintain engagement and allow for comedic timing.
  • Brent's character is established as a well-meaning but overwhelmed director, but his motivations and background could be fleshed out further. Why is he so invested in this chaotic script? Adding a line or two about his passion for theater or a personal stake in the production could deepen his character.
  • The scene ends on a somewhat abrupt note, with Brent encouraging the men to pick roles without a clear emotional or narrative resolution. A moment of reflection or camaraderie among the group could provide a more satisfying conclusion and set the stage for the upcoming auditions.
Suggestions
  • Consider giving each character a unique way of responding to Brent's chaotic script, which would help differentiate their personalities and add depth to the scene.
  • Introduce a brief comedic exchange or reaction to the absurdity of the plot elements (like Hamlet in Ancient Egypt) to establish the tone and engage the audience more effectively.
  • Incorporate pauses or reactions from the cast members as Brent explains the plot, allowing for comedic timing and a chance for the audience to digest the information.
  • Add a line or two that hints at Brent's personal connection to the project, which could make his character more relatable and grounded.
  • End the scene with a moment of shared laughter or a light-hearted debate about the roles, reinforcing the camaraderie among the group and providing a smoother transition to the next scene.



Scene 12 -  Audition Antics
INT. CLASSROOM - ANOTHER DAY

Brent sits at a long table with Divine G and the Steering
Committee. Each with a notepad and a script.

The door opens and one of the men steps in. They thank him
for coming and ask him what role he’s going out for. He names
three characters.

BRENT
OK. Whenever you’re ready.

The man stands quietly a moment, readying himself. Then he
bursts into an incredibly intense rendition of “HAPPY
BIRTHDAY”.

In Divine G’s notes, he just puts a question mark.
INT. CLASSROOM - DAY

AUDITION MONTAGE.

Actors step in one after another. Their auditions range from
the silly to the profound.

They act out gonzo scenes from the play. Tell stories from
their childhood. Sing. Dance. Freestyle rap.

They are all range of ages and talents.

CUT TO:


INT. CLASSROOM - CONTINUOUS

And finally we land on Divine G as he FINISHES HIS AUDITION.

He went to the bottom of the well to pull out what he just
brought.

The Committee is speechless. Divine G is still recovering.

He goes to take his seat but they tell him he can’t observe
the next audition since they’re going out for the same part.

DIVINE G
Someone else is going out for
Hamlet?

BRENT
Divine Eye is.

Divine G nods, pretends it doesn’t bother him.

DIVINE G
I’ll send him in.
Genres: ["Drama","Comedy"]

Summary In a classroom, Brent and the Steering Committee hold auditions for a play, featuring a montage of actors showcasing a variety of performances. Divine G delivers a powerful audition, leaving the Committee speechless. However, he is taken aback to learn that another actor, Divine Eye, is also auditioning for the same role. Despite his initial surprise, Divine G accepts the situation and offers to send Divine Eye in for his audition, ending the scene with a sense of resignation.
Strengths
  • Diverse performances
  • Authentic interactions between characters
  • Engaging concept of auditions
Weaknesses
  • Some performances may overshadow others
  • Limited focus on character development during auditions

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively captures the chaotic and competitive nature of auditions, with a mix of tones and sentiments that keep the audience engaged. The performances are diverse and showcase the range of talent within the group.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of showcasing auditions for a play is engaging and allows for a variety of performances to be featured. The scene effectively conveys the competitive and emotional aspects of the audition process.

Plot: 7.5

While the plot of the scene focuses on the audition process, it effectively moves the story forward by introducing conflict and competition among the characters. The auditions serve as a pivotal moment in the narrative.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh approach to the audition process, highlighting the competitive and creative aspects of the theater world. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and relatable, adding to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters in the scene are well-developed through their audition performances, showcasing their personalities and talents. The interactions between the characters reveal their competitive nature and emotional depth.

Character Changes: 8

The characters undergo subtle changes during the audition process, revealing different facets of their personalities and talents. The competitive environment prompts them to adapt and showcase their skills.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to prove his talent and worth as an actor, despite facing competition and setbacks. This reflects his desire for recognition and success in his chosen field.

External Goal: 7.5

The protagonist's external goal is to land a role in the play being auditioned for. This goal reflects the immediate challenge he is facing in the scene, which is to stand out among the other auditioning actors.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7.5

The conflict in the scene arises from the competitive nature of the auditions, as characters compete for roles in the play. The tension and stakes are heightened as each actor delivers their audition performance.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Divine G facing competition from other actors and internal conflicts about his own abilities. The uncertainty of the audition outcomes adds to the tension and drama.

High Stakes: 8

The high stakes in the scene revolve around the characters' desire to secure roles in the play and showcase their talents. The competitive nature of the auditions raises the stakes and adds tension to the scene.

Story Forward: 8

The scene effectively moves the story forward by introducing the audition process and setting the stage for the selection of roles in the play. It adds depth to the narrative and advances the plot.

Unpredictability: 7.5

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected audition performances and the twist of Divine G not getting the role he wanted. The audience is left wondering how the characters will react to the outcome.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the idea of competition and the sacrifices one must make to achieve success. Divine G's reaction to not getting the role he wanted challenges his beliefs about fairness and opportunity in the industry.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene elicits a range of emotions from the audience, including excitement, disappointment, and contentment. The emotional depth of the characters adds to the impact of the audition process.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue in the scene is varied, ranging from intense monologues to light-hearted banter. It effectively conveys the emotions and motivations of the characters during the audition process.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it captures the audience's attention with its mix of humor, drama, and tension. The variety of audition performances keeps the viewer interested and invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is well-balanced, with a mix of fast-paced audition montages and slower moments of character interaction. This rhythm adds to the effectiveness of the scene by keeping the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is well-executed, with clear scene headings, dialogue formatting, and action descriptions that enhance the readability of the script.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for a screenplay in this genre, with clear transitions between different moments and a focus on character interactions.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the energy and diversity of the audition process, showcasing a range of performances that highlight the characters' personalities and backgrounds. However, the transition from the intense rendition of 'HAPPY BIRTHDAY' to the montage could benefit from a smoother narrative flow. The abrupt shift may confuse the audience about the significance of the initial performance.
  • Divine G's reaction to his own audition is intriguing, but it could be more fleshed out. The question mark in his notes is a clever visual cue, but it might be more impactful if we see a brief moment of self-reflection or doubt on his face, emphasizing the weight of his performance and the pressure of competition.
  • The introduction of Divine Eye as a competitor for the same role adds tension, but the scene could explore Divine G's internal conflict more deeply. While he pretends not to be bothered, a moment of vulnerability or a flashback to their previous interactions could enhance the emotional stakes and provide context for their rivalry.
  • The montage of auditions is a strong concept, but it risks losing focus if not carefully curated. Each audition should serve a purpose, either advancing character development or highlighting themes relevant to the overall narrative. Consider ensuring that each performance ties back to the central themes of the play or the characters' arcs.
  • The dialogue is functional but could be more dynamic. Brent's lines, while clear, lack a certain flair that could elevate the scene. Infusing his dialogue with more personality or humor could enhance the overall tone and make the audition process feel more engaging.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment of Divine G's internal struggle after his audition, perhaps through a visual cue or a line of dialogue that reveals his true feelings about the competition with Divine Eye.
  • Enhance the transition between the intense audition and the montage by incorporating a brief reaction shot from the Steering Committee, which could set the tone for the variety of performances to follow.
  • Ensure that each audition in the montage serves a specific purpose, either by revealing character traits or advancing the plot. This will help maintain focus and keep the audience engaged.
  • Infuse Brent's dialogue with more personality or humor to make his character more memorable and to enhance the overall tone of the scene.
  • Consider using a voiceover or internal monologue from Divine G during the montage to provide insight into his thoughts and feelings about the auditions, adding depth to his character.



Scene 13 -  Audition Anticipation
INT. CORRIDOR - MOMENTS LATER

Divine G steps out of the classroom. Divine Eye waits on a
bench with his head leaned back against the wall, as if he
might be asleep.

DIVINE G
You’re up.

Divine Eye stands.

DIVINE EYE
Sounded good in there. Intense.
DIVINE G
Thanks. Hey... Could I ask you
something?

DIVINE EYE
Anything.

DIVINE G
You asked to do a comedy.

DIVINE EYE
Yes.

DIVINE G
And now we’re doing a comedy.

DIVINE EYE
I’m excited.

DIVINE G
And yet you’re auditioning for the
only dramatic role in the whole
play.

Divine Eye thinks a moment.

DIVINE EYE
Comedy’s tough, man. I don’t want
to bomb up there.

Divine G nods.

DIVINE G
Good luck then.

Divine Eye steps into the room.

Divine G takes a seat in the corridor, listening to the
muffled audition through the walls.
Genres: ["Drama","Comedy"]

Summary Divine G exits a classroom and finds Divine Eye on a bench, seemingly asleep. They discuss Divine Eye's excitement and fears about auditioning for a dramatic role in a comedy play. Despite his apprehension about failing in comedy, Divine Eye decides to proceed with the audition. Divine G wishes him luck and takes a seat in the corridor, listening to the audition through the walls, capturing the mix of support and tension in the moment.
Strengths
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Character dynamics
  • Exploration of artistic expression
Weaknesses
  • Limited external conflict
  • Potential lack of clarity on character motivations

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively explores the internal conflict of Divine Eye as he navigates between comedy and drama, setting up potential character growth. The dialogue is engaging and reveals underlying tensions and motivations.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring the intersection of comedy and drama within a theater production is intriguing and sets up potential character arcs. The scene effectively introduces this concept through the characters' interactions.

Plot: 8

The plot advances through the conflict between Divine G and Divine Eye, setting up a key dilemma for the characters to navigate. The scene lays the groundwork for future developments in the story.

Originality: 8

The scene offers a fresh take on the familiar theme of performance anxiety and the pressure to succeed in a competitive environment. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and relatable.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters of Divine G and Divine Eye are well-developed and their contrasting personalities add depth to the scene. Their interactions reveal layers of complexity and set the stage for potential character growth.

Character Changes: 7

While there are hints of potential character growth, particularly for Divine Eye, the scene primarily sets up the conflict without significant changes taking place yet.

Internal Goal: 8

Divine G's internal goal is to understand Divine Eye's motivation for auditioning for a dramatic role despite wanting to do comedy. This reflects Divine G's desire for clarity and insight into his friend's choices.

External Goal: 7

Divine G's external goal is to support Divine Eye in his audition and wish him luck. This reflects the immediate circumstances of their friendship and the upcoming play.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict between Divine G and Divine Eye is evident in their differing perspectives on performance. While the conflict is more internal than external, it sets the stage for potential growth and development.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, as Divine Eye's fear of failure and desire for success create internal conflict and tension. The audience is unsure of how Divine Eye will navigate his conflicting emotions.

High Stakes: 6

The stakes are primarily internal in this scene, focusing on the characters' artistic choices and personal growth. While the outcome of the audition is important to the characters, the external stakes are relatively low.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing a key dilemma for the characters to navigate. It sets up future developments in the plot and character dynamics.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the conflicting desires and motivations of the characters. The audience is unsure of how Divine Eye's audition will go and how it will impact his friendship with Divine G.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between Divine Eye's fear of failing in a comedy role and his desire to succeed in a dramatic role. This challenges Divine Eye's beliefs about his own abilities and the importance of taking risks in performance.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from tension to reflection, as Divine G and Divine Eye grapple with their artistic choices. The emotional depth of the characters adds resonance to their interactions.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is engaging and reveals the inner thoughts and motivations of the characters. It effectively conveys the tension between Divine G and Divine Eye, adding depth to their relationship.

Engagement: 8

This scene is engaging because of the relatable characters, realistic dialogue, and the underlying tension between Divine G and Divine Eye. The audience is drawn into the emotional stakes of the characters' interactions.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and emotional depth, allowing the audience to connect with the characters' internal struggles and conflicts.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with clear scene headings and character dialogue. The formatting enhances the readability and flow of the scene.

Structure: 9

The scene follows the expected structure for a dialogue-driven character interaction in a screenplay. The pacing and rhythm of the scene contribute to its effectiveness in building tension and emotional depth.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the tension between Divine G and Divine Eye, highlighting Divine Eye's apprehension about performing comedy while auditioning for a dramatic role. This internal conflict adds depth to his character and sets up an interesting dynamic for the audience.
  • The dialogue is concise and serves the purpose of advancing the plot while revealing character motivations. However, it could benefit from more subtext or emotional weight to enhance the stakes of Divine Eye's audition. As it stands, the conversation feels somewhat surface-level.
  • Divine G's supportive demeanor contrasts with Divine Eye's anxiety, which is a nice touch. However, the scene could explore Divine G's feelings about the situation more deeply, perhaps by incorporating a moment of vulnerability or doubt about his own performance or the direction of the play.
  • The setting of the corridor is effective in creating a sense of isolation and anticipation before the audition. However, it might be enhanced by adding sensory details, such as the sounds of the audition room or the atmosphere of the corridor, to immerse the audience further in the moment.
  • The transition from the previous scene to this one is smooth, but the emotional stakes could be heightened by including a brief moment of reflection for Divine G before he speaks to Divine Eye. This could provide insight into his thoughts about the audition and the play's direction.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a line or two of internal monologue for Divine G to express his own feelings about the play and the audition, which could create a stronger emotional connection with the audience.
  • Incorporate more sensory details in the corridor setting, such as the sounds of the audition or the atmosphere, to create a more vivid scene.
  • Explore Divine Eye's character further by adding a moment of hesitation or a specific memory that contributes to his fear of bombing in the audition, making his anxiety more relatable.
  • Enhance the dialogue with subtext that hints at Divine G's own insecurities or hopes for Divine Eye's performance, which could add layers to their relationship.
  • Consider ending the scene with a stronger emotional beat, perhaps by having Divine G react to Divine Eye's entrance into the audition room, which could set up anticipation for the audience.



Scene 14 -  Defending the Past
INT. REC ROOM - DAY

Close on Divine G. Sitting up alert in a chair.

DIVINE G
I would also like to note,
Commissioners, that I was a
candidate to become a New York City
Police Officer.
VOICE (O.C.)
I see that in your packet. I’m just
going to go out on a limb here and
guess that that was before you
became a rampaging drug dealer.

DIVINE G
Well sir, I only hustled that one
year after my accident and then...
Mike Mike, can you get your feet
off the desk?
Genres: ["Drama","Comedy"]

Summary In a tense rec room, Divine G attempts to establish his credibility before a panel of Commissioners, recalling his brief candidacy for the NYPD. However, an off-screen voice challenges him, highlighting his past as a drug dealer. Divine G defends his actions, claiming it was a short-lived phase after an accident, but struggles to maintain focus as he redirects attention to the disruptive behavior of Mike Mike, showcasing the conflict between his past and present.
Strengths
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Character depth
  • Unique setting
Weaknesses
  • Limited action
  • Potential lack of visual interest

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 7.5

The scene effectively combines drama and comedy elements, providing insight into Divine G's character while maintaining a conversational and reflective tone.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring Divine G's past and present within a correctional facility is engaging and adds layers to the character.

Plot: 7

The plot progresses by revealing Divine G's background and setting up potential conflicts within the correctional facility.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on the redemption narrative, exploring the complexities of personal growth and transformation. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and compelling, contributing to the scene's originality.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters, especially Divine G, are well-developed and show depth through their interactions and dialogue.

Character Changes: 7

Divine G shows hints of growth and self-awareness through his dialogue and interactions, setting up potential character development.

Internal Goal: 8

Divine G's internal goal is to justify his actions and decisions to the Commissioners. He wants to explain his past and present circumstances in a way that paints him in a sympathetic light.

External Goal: 7

Divine G's external goal is to convince the Commissioners of his suitability for a particular role or position. He wants to present himself as a viable candidate despite his criminal history.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

The conflict is hinted at through Divine G's past as a police officer candidate and his current situation in the correctional facility.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting viewpoints and motivations driving the conflict. Divine G faces resistance from the Commissioners, adding complexity and depth to the scene.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are moderate, with hints of potential conflicts and challenges for Divine G within the correctional facility.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by providing crucial information about Divine G's background and current situation, setting up future conflicts and developments.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists and turns in Divine G's story. The audience is kept on their toes, unsure of how the situation will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the idea of redemption and second chances. Divine G is trying to reconcile his past mistakes with his current aspirations, highlighting the tension between forgiveness and accountability.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7.5

The scene evokes a sense of empathy and curiosity towards Divine G's character, creating an emotional connection with the audience.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is engaging, revealing character traits and backstory while maintaining a conversational and confessional tone.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its compelling characters, sharp dialogue, and high stakes. The conflict and tension keep the audience invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a good balance of dialogue and action. The rhythm and flow enhance the scene's tension and emotional impact.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene adheres to standard formatting conventions for its genre, making it easy to follow and visualize. The dialogue is properly formatted and flows naturally within the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear and coherent structure, with well-defined character arcs and narrative progression. The pacing and formatting enhance the scene's impact and readability.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes tension with the introduction of the Commissioners and Divine G's attempt to assert his credibility. However, the transition from Divine G's serious statement to the off-screen voice feels abrupt. It would benefit from a smoother lead-in that maintains the gravity of the moment.
  • Divine G's response to the accusation of being a 'rampaging drug dealer' is somewhat defensive, which is appropriate given the context. However, it could be more impactful if he elaborated on his past, perhaps reflecting on how it shaped his current aspirations. This would deepen his character and provide more emotional weight to the scene.
  • The interruption by Mike Mike adds a layer of humor, but it risks undermining the seriousness of the moment. The juxtaposition of Divine G's serious tone with Mike Mike's casual behavior could be more balanced. Consider having Divine G react more strongly to the disruption to emphasize the stakes of the meeting.
  • The dialogue is generally strong, but the line 'I only hustled that one year after my accident' could be more specific. Providing a brief context about the accident could enhance the audience's understanding of Divine G's motivations and struggles.
  • The setting of the rec room is appropriate, but it could be described in more detail to enhance the atmosphere. Adding sensory details about the environment—such as the sounds of the prison or the physical layout of the room—could help ground the scene and make it more immersive.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief flashback or internal monologue for Divine G that reflects on his past as a police candidate and how it contrasts with his current situation. This could provide depth to his character and make his current predicament more poignant.
  • Revise the dialogue to include a more impactful response from Divine G after the accusation. Perhaps he could express regret or a desire to change, which would resonate more with the audience.
  • Balance the humor from Mike Mike's interruption by having Divine G react with a mix of frustration and humor, which could highlight the absurdity of the situation while still keeping the stakes high.
  • Enhance the setting description to include more details about the rec room, such as the presence of other inmates, the decor, or the sounds of the prison, to create a more vivid backdrop for the scene.
  • Consider extending the scene slightly to allow for more back-and-forth dialogue between Divine G and the Commissioners, which could build tension and give Divine G more opportunities to defend himself.



Scene 15 -  Serious Questions, Funky Revelations
INT. REC ROOM - CONTINUOUS

We see Mike Mike now. They’re on opposite sides of a desk.

Mike Mike puts his feet down.

MIKE MIKE
My bad.

DIVINE G
It’s just hard to get the vibe with
you lounging like that.

MIKE MIKE
Alright, I got you.

Mike Mike gets back into character, serious again. He talks
like a cop from an old movie.

MIKE MIKE (CONT’D)
We’re not interested in what you
could have been, Whitfield. We’re
here to talk about what you are. I
see here you were in a group called
Mix Machine. Is that some sort of
criminal gang organization?

DIVINE G
No. That was a DJ group. We were--

MIKE MIKE
I’ll bet it was funky as hell,
wasn’t it?

Divine G stares at him. Tries to keep a straight face.

MIKE MIKE (CONT’D)
Admit it!

Divine G bursts out laughing.
Genres: ["Drama","Comedy"]

Summary In a rec room, Mike Mike and Divine G engage in a conversation that shifts from casual to serious. Mike Mike, initially lounging with his feet on the desk, questions Divine G about his past with a group called Mix Machine, hinting at criminal ties. Divine G clarifies it was a DJ group, leading to a playful exchange where Mike Mike challenges him to admit it was 'funky.' This prompts Divine G to burst out laughing, breaking the tension and fostering a moment of camaraderie.
Strengths
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Strong character dynamics
  • Effective blend of drama and comedy
Weaknesses
  • Limited character development
  • Moderate conflict level

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively blends drama and comedy, providing a unique and engaging dynamic between the characters. The dialogue is well-crafted and keeps the audience entertained while also advancing the plot.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of blending drama and comedy in an interrogation setting is innovative and engaging. It adds layers to the characters and creates a dynamic scene that keeps the audience invested.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene revolves around the interrogation banter between Divine G and Mike Mike, adding depth to their relationship and advancing the story. It sets the stage for future developments.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh approach to the police interrogation trope by infusing humor and character dynamics, making it feel authentic and engaging.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters of Divine G and Mike Mike are well-developed and their interactions are engaging. Their contrasting personalities create a compelling dynamic that drives the scene forward.

Character Changes: 7

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, it does provide insights into the personalities of Divine G and Mike Mike, setting the stage for potential growth.

Internal Goal: 8

Mike Mike's internal goal in this scene is to maintain control and authority in the interrogation while also trying to establish a connection with Divine G through humor and intimidation.

External Goal: 7

Mike Mike's external goal is to extract information from Divine G about his past involvement with Mix Machine and determine if it has any criminal connections.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict in the scene is primarily driven by the interrogation setting and the characters' differing perspectives, adding tension and intrigue to the interaction.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Divine G challenging Mike Mike's authority and humor, creating conflict and uncertainty.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes in the scene are moderate, focusing on the characters' reputations and past actions. The interrogation setting adds a sense of urgency and importance to the conversation.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by deepening the relationship between Divine G and Mike Mike, introducing new dynamics, and setting up future conflicts and developments.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected humor and shifts in tone, keeping the audience on their toes.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is the clash between authority and humor, as Mike Mike tries to maintain a serious interrogation while also using humor to break down Divine G's defenses.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7.5

The scene elicits a range of emotions from the audience, including amusement, tension, and curiosity. The characters' interactions create a connection with the viewers.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue in the scene is witty, engaging, and reveals insights into the characters' personalities. It effectively conveys the tension and humor of the situation.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the witty dialogue, character dynamics, and the tension between the two characters.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and humor, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the characters.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting adheres to the standard screenplay format, making it easy to follow and visualize.

Structure: 9

The scene follows the expected structure for a police interrogation scene, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the dynamic between Divine G and Mike Mike, showcasing their camaraderie and humor. However, the transition from the previous scene to this one feels abrupt. The shift from a serious discussion about Divine G's past to a light-hearted exchange about a DJ group could benefit from a smoother transition to maintain narrative flow.
  • Mike Mike's character is well-defined through his playful banter, but the dialogue could be enhanced by providing more context about the significance of the 'Mix Machine' group. This would help the audience understand why Mike Mike is questioning Divine G about it and add depth to their conversation.
  • The humor in the scene is effective, particularly in Divine G's laughter, which adds a relatable human element. However, the stakes of the conversation could be raised. While the humor is enjoyable, it might overshadow the underlying tension regarding Divine G's past. Balancing humor with the seriousness of his situation could create a more impactful scene.
  • The dialogue is engaging, but it could benefit from more subtext. For instance, Mike Mike's questioning could hint at deeper insecurities or judgments about Divine G's past, which would add layers to their interaction. This would make the humor feel more grounded in their characters' histories and motivations.
  • The visual staging of the scene is straightforward, but it could be enhanced by incorporating more physicality or movement. For example, having Divine G lean forward or gesture while speaking could emphasize his engagement in the conversation, while Mike Mike's posture could reflect his initial nonchalance and subsequent seriousness.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment of reflection or a line from Divine G that connects the previous serious scene to this lighter moment, helping to bridge the emotional gap.
  • Provide a line or two that elaborates on the significance of the 'Mix Machine' group, perhaps through a quick flashback or a brief explanation from Divine G, to give the audience more context.
  • Introduce a moment of tension or vulnerability in Divine G's response to Mike Mike's questioning, allowing for a balance between humor and the seriousness of his past.
  • Incorporate subtext into the dialogue, allowing Mike Mike's questions to reveal more about his character's perspective on Divine G's past, which could deepen their relationship.
  • Enhance the physicality of the scene by having Divine G and Mike Mike use their body language to reflect their emotional states, making the interaction feel more dynamic and engaging.



Scene 16 -  Theater Introductions: A Playful Rehearsal
INT. THEATER - LATER

The theater inside is cavernous, with dramatic arched
ceilings, light pouring in through big windows.

The whole company is gathered on stage. Brent has handed out
the roles to everyone. They’re looking over their sides.
Divine G flips through his script, reserved. Divine Eye is
trying to find his part in his.

Most are excited.

CARMINE
Man. How was I cast as a tree?

DINO
I started out as background on my
first production. Can’t have a
believable Sherwood Forest without
believable trees.

Brent begins an exercise.

BRENT
OK. I want you all to step into the
circle, say your name, step out,
then step back in and introduce
yourself as your character, in that
voice.

They begin. Through this we get a glimpse into the
personalities of each man.

It comes to Divine Eye. He steps forward with his own name.
When he steps forward again, it’s in the exact same tone.

DIVINE EYE
Prince Hamlet of Denmark.

The others won’t accept it. They make him go again. He goes
way over the top sarcastically.

Divine G watches Divine Eye as he steps back into the circle,
barely paying attention.

The exercise circles around finally comes to Divine G. He
steps forward with his name. And then comes forward again
completely transformed. Like he grew two feet.

DIVINE G
Gladiator Goliathon.
Genres: ["Drama","Comedy"]

Summary In a large theater, the cast gathers on stage after Brent assigns roles, leading to a mix of excitement and humorous complaints, particularly from Carmine, who is cast as a tree. During an introduction exercise, each actor reveals their character and personality, with Divine Eye struggling to embody Hamlet and facing playful teasing. In contrast, Divine G impressively transforms into Gladiator Goliathon, showcasing his confidence and shifting the focus of the group. The scene is light-hearted, filled with camaraderie and humor, culminating in Divine G's strong impression on the others.
Strengths
  • Effective character development
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Subtle humor
Weaknesses
  • Low stakes
  • Limited conflict

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively combines drama and comedy, showcasing character development and setting up potential conflicts. The use of the acting exercise adds depth to the characters and sets the stage for future interactions.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of character transformations through an acting exercise is engaging and sets up potential conflicts and developments. It introduces the comedic element while maintaining the dramatic undertones.

Plot: 8

The plot progresses by showcasing the characters' reactions to the acting exercise and hints at potential conflicts within the theater group. It sets the stage for future developments in the play production.

Originality: 7

The scene introduces a fresh approach to the familiar theme of actors struggling with their roles, with authentic dialogue and character interactions.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed through their reactions to the exercise, highlighting their personalities and potential conflicts. Divine G and Divine Eye stand out with their reserved and sarcastic portrayals.

Character Changes: 8

The characters undergo subtle transformations through the acting exercise, hinting at potential growth and conflicts in the future.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to embody his character fully and convincingly, reflecting his desire for recognition and validation as an actor.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to successfully complete the exercise given by Brent, showcasing his acting skills and ability to transform into a character.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict is subtly hinted at through the characters' reactions to the exercise, showcasing potential tensions and challenges within the group.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, as the characters face challenges in embodying their roles and finding authenticity in their performances.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are relatively low in this scene, focusing more on character development and interactions within the theater group.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by establishing the dynamics within the theater group and setting up potential conflicts and developments for the play production.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected reactions and transformations of the characters during the exercise, keeping the audience guessing.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the characters' struggle to fully embody their roles and find authenticity in their performances. This challenges their beliefs about acting and self-expression.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7.5

The scene elicits a range of emotions from excitement to sarcasm, engaging the audience in the characters' transformations and interactions.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue effectively conveys the characters' sentiments and tones, adding depth to their interactions. The sarcastic exchanges between Divine Eye and the group enhance the comedic element.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its focus on character development and the dynamic interactions between the actors, as well as the humor and tension in the exercise.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and humor, with a natural flow from setup to resolution.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with clear scene headings, dialogue, and action descriptions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a character-driven drama, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution.


Critique
  • The scene effectively sets the stage for character development through the exercise led by Brent, allowing the audience to see the personalities of the cast members. However, the transition from the previous scene to this one feels abrupt. A smoother transition could enhance the flow of the screenplay.
  • Divine Eye's struggle to embody his character, Hamlet, is a relatable moment that adds depth to his character. However, the sarcasm in his second attempt could be more pronounced to emphasize his internal conflict and fear of failure. This would create a stronger contrast between his initial attempt and Divine G's confident transformation.
  • Divine G's transformation into Gladiator Goliathon is a strong moment that showcases his confidence and acting ability. However, it might benefit from a brief internal thought or reflection before he steps forward, highlighting his journey from being reserved to embracing his character. This would add emotional weight to his performance.
  • The dialogue among the characters, particularly Carmine and Dino, adds a humorous touch, but it could be more varied to avoid redundancy. Instead of just commenting on their roles, they could share personal anecdotes or jokes that further reveal their backgrounds and relationships, enriching the scene.
  • The visual description of the theater is effective in establishing the setting, but it could be enhanced by incorporating sensory details, such as the sounds of the theater or the atmosphere created by the light pouring in. This would immerse the audience more fully in the environment.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief transition or reaction from Divine G after the previous scene to create a smoother flow into the theater setting.
  • Enhance Divine Eye's sarcastic performance by incorporating more exaggerated physicality or vocal inflections to emphasize his reluctance and humor.
  • Include a moment of internal reflection for Divine G before he steps forward, allowing the audience to connect with his character's journey and transformation.
  • Encourage more varied dialogue among the characters to deepen their relationships and provide more context for their roles in the play.
  • Incorporate sensory details in the setting description to create a more immersive experience for the audience, enhancing the atmosphere of the theater.



Scene 17 -  Rehearsal Realities: Embracing the Absurd
INT. THEATER / ONSTAGE - LATER

They have transitioned into the work for the day. Brent gives
an overview of the rehearsal schedule. The big dance and
musical numbers.

An actor RAISES HIS HAND.

BRENT
Yes.

MOSI
I have a question about my
character. Wouldn’t he be freaked
out by some cat from Ancient Egypt
time traveling into the Middle
Ages? I mean, if I put myself into
the mind of someone from that time,
I don’t even know what a mummy is.
And do we even have a common
language?

BRENT
Well, good questions, but remember,
it’s a comedy, so we can take some
liberties and have fun with it. Why
don’t we workshop it when we get to
it and see how it plays?

Another actor raises his hand.

DAP
I also had a question. Of what
nature is the time travel in this
play?

BRENT
The nature of...?

DAP
Is it via a wormhole? A rip in the
space-time fabric? I’m just
wondering how we play it. How hard
would it be on the human body?

BRENT
Well, again, those are great
questions, but um... why don’t we
take those scene by scene?

Divine G steps up.

DIVINE G
Brent. May I?
Brent nods.

DIVINE G (CONT’D)
(to everyone)
Listen. You guys wanted a cowboy
play, you wanted Ancient Egypt.
Somebody asked for Freddy Krueger
for some reason. And Brent gave us
all that. How did you think that
was going to happen?

No one has an answer.

DIVINE G (CONT’D)
Let’s just focus on getting our
scenes up on their feet, focus on
the emotion of your scene and if
that’s true, then the play will
start to come together.

BRENT
Well, uh, thanks. That’s great. Why
don’t we start with your scene?

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Comedy","Fantasy"]

Summary During a light-hearted rehearsal for a comedic play involving time travel, Brent leads the actors as Mosi and Dap express concerns about the believability of their characters' reactions to the absurd premise. Divine G intervenes, urging the group to prioritize emotional authenticity over logical consistency, which helps to alleviate the tension. The scene concludes with Brent agreeing to focus on Divine G's scene, marking a shift in the rehearsal's direction.
Strengths
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Creative concept
  • Strong character dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Lack of intense conflict
  • Limited emotional depth

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively captures the essence of a group of actors working together to bring a comedic play to life, with engaging dialogue and a focus on character dynamics.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of developing a comedic play within a prison setting is innovative and engaging, offering a fresh perspective on the challenges and creativity involved in theater production.

Plot: 8

The plot revolves around the development of the comedic play 'BREAKIN’ THE MUMMY’S CODE,' with a focus on the challenges and dynamics within the theater group. It moves the story forward by showcasing the progress of the play.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh approach to the rehearsal process by incorporating elements of time travel and mixing historical periods. The dialogue feels authentic and engaging, capturing the dynamics of a creative team.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters are well-defined and each brings a unique perspective to the scene, contributing to the humor and creativity of the play development process.

Character Changes: 7

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the characters' interactions and dynamics evolve as they work together on the play.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to navigate the challenges and questions raised by the other actors about the play's concept and execution. This reflects their desire to create a successful and cohesive performance.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to address the concerns and questions raised by the other actors and ensure the rehearsal runs smoothly. This reflects their immediate challenge of managing the creative process and keeping the team focused.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

While there are minor conflicts and questions raised by the actors, the overall tone of the scene is light-hearted and focused on creativity rather than intense conflict.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to challenge the protagonist's authority and decision-making, adding tension and conflict to the rehearsal process.

High Stakes: 5

The stakes are relatively low in this scene, focusing more on the creative process and humor of developing a play rather than intense conflict or high stakes.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by advancing the development of the comedic play and showcasing the progress of the theater group's rehearsals.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because it introduces unexpected questions and challenges from the actors, keeping the audience on their toes and adding depth to the rehearsal process.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the balance between creative freedom and adherence to the script. The protagonist must navigate the actors' questions and concerns while maintaining the integrity of the play's concept.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene elicits positive emotions and excitement from the characters and audience, but the emotional impact is not the primary focus of the scene.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is witty, engaging, and reflective of the characters' personalities, adding depth to the scene and enhancing the comedic elements.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it captures the dynamics of a creative team working through challenges and questions in a humorous and collaborative way. The dialogue and interactions keep the audience invested in the characters and their process.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by balancing dialogue, action, and character interactions. The rhythm of the scene keeps the audience engaged and invested in the creative process.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a theater setting, with clear stage directions and character interactions. The dialogue is formatted correctly, enhancing the readability and flow of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a rehearsal scene in a screenplay, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution. The dialogue and actions flow naturally, contributing to the overall pacing and rhythm of the scene.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the playful and chaotic nature of a rehearsal, showcasing the actors' concerns about the absurdity of their play's premise. However, the dialogue could benefit from more distinct character voices to enhance individuality among the actors. Mosi and Dap's questions are valid, but they sound somewhat similar in tone and delivery, which can make it harder for the audience to differentiate between them.
  • Divine G's interjection serves as a strong pivot point in the scene, but it could be more impactful if he had a clearer emotional stake in the discussion. As it stands, he seems to be acting as a mediator rather than expressing his own feelings about the absurdity of the play. Adding a personal anecdote or a more passionate plea could deepen his character and make his perspective resonate more with the audience.
  • Brent's responses to the actors' questions feel somewhat dismissive, which could undermine his authority as a director. While it's important to maintain a light-hearted tone, Brent should also exhibit confidence and leadership. A more assertive response could help establish his character as someone who can guide the group through the chaos.
  • The transition from the discussion to the focus on Divine G's scene is abrupt. A smoother segue could enhance the flow of the scene. Perhaps Brent could acknowledge Divine G's point before transitioning, reinforcing the idea that the emotional truth of the scenes is paramount.
  • The humor in the scene is present but could be amplified. The absurdity of the situation—time travel, cowboys, and mummies—offers a rich ground for comedic exploration. Incorporating more playful banter or exaggerated reactions from the actors could elevate the comedic tone and engage the audience further.
Suggestions
  • Differentiate the characters' voices by giving each actor a unique way of expressing their concerns or humor. This could involve varying their speech patterns, levels of formality, or emotional responses.
  • Enhance Divine G's role by allowing him to share a personal connection to the material or express frustration with the absurdity of the play, making his character more relatable and grounded.
  • Revise Brent's dialogue to reflect a more confident and authoritative tone. He should acknowledge the actors' concerns while also guiding them back to the focus of the rehearsal.
  • Create a smoother transition to Divine G's scene by having Brent explicitly acknowledge the importance of emotional truth before moving on, reinforcing the thematic focus of the rehearsal.
  • Incorporate more comedic elements into the dialogue, such as exaggerated reactions or playful jabs among the actors, to enhance the humor and keep the audience engaged.



Scene 18 -  A Tale of Two Performances
INT. THEATER / ONSTAGE - LATER

Divine G is with Mike Mike. They’re working out a scene,
reading from sides as they act.

Divine G’s years of skill shines through in this moment. He
reads from the script as he moves around the stage and
somehow emotion flows out of every moment.

Divine Eye stands in the wings, barely paying attention.

They wrap Divine G’s scene.

BRENT
Amazing! Who’s next?

DIVINE EYE
I’ll do my scene.


INT. THEATER / ONSTAGE - LATER

Divine Eye is center stage with his scene partners. He’s
trying to keep up with them as they do the scene, but he
keeps losing his place in the scene, fumbling lines. Squints
at his page. Complains that he doesn’t have his glasses.
Someone gives him a pair. Still brutal.
Brent helps him, tells him to move his thumb along the side
of the page by the line he’s on.

All of Divine Eye’s confidence is gone as he limps through
the scene.

They mercifully reach the end.

BRENT
OK, that was a good start. It will
get smoother. Who wants to go next?

The group moves on to the next scene.

Divine G watches Divine Eye disappear down to the theater
seats and just wait to leave.
Genres: ["Drama","Comedy"]

Summary During a theater rehearsal, Divine G impresses with his confident and emotional acting, while Divine Eye struggles significantly, fumbling his lines and losing his place. Despite Brent's encouragement, Divine Eye's lack of confidence is evident, leading to a challenging experience for him. The scene concludes with Brent offering support to both actors as they prepare to move on, leaving Divine Eye feeling defeated.
Strengths
  • Effective portrayal of contrasting character confidence
  • Emotional depth and complexity
  • Realistic depiction of audition process
Weaknesses
  • Lack of high stakes
  • Some awkward dialogue moments

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 7.5

The scene effectively portrays the struggle of Divine Eye to keep up with his scene partners, creating tension and highlighting the importance of confidence in acting.


Story Content

Concept: 7.5

The concept of showcasing the contrast in confidence levels between characters adds depth to the scene and highlights the challenges of acting.

Plot: 7

The plot progression focuses on the audition process and the challenges faced by Divine Eye, contributing to character development and setting up future conflicts.

Originality: 8

The scene offers a fresh perspective on the challenges faced by actors during rehearsals, with a focus on the internal and external conflicts that drive their performances. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and engaging.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters of Divine G and Divine Eye are well-developed in this scene, with clear differences in confidence and performance abilities.

Character Changes: 7

Divine Eye experiences a shift in confidence and self-doubt during the scene, setting up potential character growth and development.

Internal Goal: 8

Divine Eye's internal goal in this scene is to regain his confidence and overcome his struggles with the scene. This reflects his need for validation and success in his acting abilities.

External Goal: 7

Divine Eye's external goal is to successfully perform his scene and impress his peers. This reflects the immediate challenge he faces in the rehearsal.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6.5

The conflict arises from Divine Eye's struggle to keep up with his scene partners, creating tension and highlighting the challenges of acting.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Divine Eye facing internal and external challenges that test his confidence and abilities. The audience is left uncertain about the outcome of his performance.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are relatively low in this scene, focusing more on character development and the challenges of performance.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by highlighting the challenges faced by Divine Eye and setting up future conflicts and character arcs.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because it keeps the audience guessing about Divine Eye's performance and the outcome of his struggles. The uncertainty adds to the tension and drama of the rehearsal.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is the struggle between confidence and self-doubt. Divine Eye's belief in his abilities is challenged by his performance struggles, leading to a clash of values within himself.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7.8

The scene evokes a sense of frustration and disappointment, particularly in Divine Eye's character, resonating with the audience and adding emotional depth.

Dialogue: 7.2

The dialogue effectively conveys the frustration and encouragement between characters, adding depth to their interactions.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it captures the tension and emotion of the rehearsal process, drawing the audience into the characters' struggles and successes.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, drawing the audience into the characters' struggles and successes. The rhythm of the dialogue and actions enhances the emotional impact of the rehearsal process.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene aligns with the expected format for a screenplay, with clear stage directions and dialogue cues that guide the reader through the rehearsal process.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a structured format for a rehearsal setting, with clear transitions between characters and scenes. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the effectiveness of the narrative.


Critique
  • The contrast between Divine G's confident performance and Divine Eye's struggle is effective in showcasing their differing levels of experience and emotional states. However, the scene could benefit from more specific details about Divine Eye's character to deepen the audience's understanding of his struggles.
  • The dialogue is functional but lacks emotional depth. While Brent's encouragement is supportive, it feels somewhat generic. Adding more personalized feedback or a moment of connection between Brent and Divine Eye could enhance the emotional stakes.
  • The pacing of the scene feels rushed, particularly during Divine Eye's performance. Allowing for more pauses or moments of tension could heighten the audience's empathy for Divine Eye's struggle. This would also give the actors more time to react to each other's performances, creating a more dynamic interaction.
  • Divine Eye's fumbling lines and lack of confidence are clear, but the scene could benefit from visual cues that illustrate his internal struggle. For example, showing his physical reactions, such as fidgeting or avoiding eye contact, could add layers to his performance.
  • The ending feels abrupt as the focus shifts quickly to the next scene. A moment of reflection for Divine G after Divine Eye's performance could provide insight into his thoughts and feelings about his friend's struggle, enhancing the emotional resonance of the scene.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief backstory or internal monologue for Divine Eye to provide context for his struggles. This could help the audience empathize with him more deeply.
  • Enhance the dialogue between Brent and Divine Eye by incorporating more specific feedback that reflects Divine Eye's unique challenges. This could make Brent's support feel more genuine and impactful.
  • Slow down the pacing during Divine Eye's performance to allow for more dramatic tension. Consider incorporating pauses or moments of silence to emphasize his struggle and the group's reactions.
  • Include more physicality in Divine Eye's performance to visually convey his anxiety and lack of confidence. This could involve specific gestures or movements that reflect his emotional state.
  • Add a reflective moment for Divine G at the end of the scene, allowing him to process what he just witnessed. This could be a silent moment of concern or a brief exchange with another character that highlights his feelings about Divine Eye's performance.



Scene 19 -  Embracing the Challenge
INT. SING SING HALLWAY - LATER

Class is over. Divine G and the other members of the Steering
Committee are standing in line, waiting for a gate to open.

They’re talking about how crazy the play is. Asking if
they’re in over their heads.

DAP
So is the mummy time traveling too?
Or just her son?

MIKE MIKE
I thought the mummy was a metaphor.

JJ
Forget that. How are we going to
get this thing done? It’s too many
props, too much wardrobe.

DINO
And it’s going to run four hours. B
Block will kill us. Right there on
stage, they’ll walk up and murder
every one of us.

MIKE MIKE
At least we won’t have to finish
the play.

Divine G is just listening.

JJ
Maybe we postpone until the fall.
Skip this production and give
ourselves more time to prep.
They look to Divine G.

DIVINE G
I say we go for it. I think this is
one of those instances where the
art we are seeking is also seeking
us. I have no idea why...
(laughs)
Trust the process.
Genres: ["Drama","Comedy"]

Summary In a hallway at Sing Sing after class, Divine G and the Steering Committee members grapple with anxiety over their ambitious play, questioning its complex plot elements like time travel and the metaphor of the mummy. Concerns about props, runtime, and potential backlash from peers arise, leading JJ to suggest postponing the production. However, Divine G encourages the group to trust the artistic process and move forward, instilling a sense of determination amidst their worries.
Strengths
  • Effective dialogue
  • Character dynamics
  • Balanced tone
Weaknesses
  • Potential lack of immediate conflict resolution
  • Complexity of play may be overwhelming for characters

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively balances humor, reflection, and seriousness, providing insight into the characters' struggles and Divine G's optimistic outlook, creating a compelling dynamic.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of navigating challenges in theater production while maintaining faith in the artistic process is well-developed and engaging.

Plot: 8

The plot revolves around the decision to proceed with a challenging play, highlighting the characters' uncertainties and Divine G's leadership, setting the stage for potential conflicts and growth.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on the challenges of producing a play within a school setting, blending humor with deeper themes of artistic pursuit and risk-taking. The characters' dialogue feels authentic and relatable, enhancing the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters' diverse reactions to the play's complexity and Divine G's unwavering belief add depth and authenticity to the scene, showcasing their individual perspectives.

Character Changes: 7

While there are subtle shifts in the characters' perspectives and attitudes towards the play, the scene primarily sets up potential growth and development in future interactions.

Internal Goal: 8

Divine G's internal goal in this scene is to inspire and motivate the committee members to take on the challenge of producing the play despite their doubts and fears.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to decide whether to postpone the play or proceed with the production, considering the logistical challenges and time constraints.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict arises from the characters' doubts and the decision to proceed with the challenging play, setting up internal and external conflicts to be resolved.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong as the characters face internal doubts and external challenges in deciding whether to produce the play. The uncertainty of the outcome adds to the tension and conflict.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are moderate, focusing on the success of the theater production and the characters' personal growth, with potential consequences for their relationships and artistic endeavors.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by establishing the challenges and decisions faced by the characters, setting the stage for conflicts and resolutions in the upcoming production.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because the characters' decision to proceed with the play despite the challenges introduces an element of uncertainty and risk. The audience is left wondering how they will overcome the obstacles they face.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the idea of taking risks and trusting the artistic process versus playing it safe and avoiding potential failure.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7.5

The scene evokes a range of emotions from humor to reflection, engaging the audience in the characters' journey and challenges.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue effectively conveys the characters' doubts, humor, and reflections, capturing their personalities and setting up potential conflicts and resolutions.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the witty dialogue, relatable characters, and the tension surrounding the decision to produce the play. The humor and camaraderie among the committee members keep the audience invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and suspense as the characters debate whether to proceed with the play. The rhythm of the dialogue keeps the scene engaging and propels the story forward.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with proper scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting. The visual descriptions are concise and effective in setting the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a typical format for a dialogue-driven scene in a screenplay, with clear character interactions and progression of the plot. The pacing and rhythm of the dialogue contribute to the effectiveness of the scene.


Critique
  • The dialogue in this scene effectively captures the anxiety and uncertainty of the characters regarding the upcoming play. However, it could benefit from more distinct voices for each character. Currently, the dialogue feels somewhat uniform, and giving each character a unique way of speaking would enhance their individuality and make the scene more engaging.
  • The humor present in the dialogue, particularly in Mike Mike's and Dino's lines, adds a light-hearted touch to the tension surrounding the production. However, the stakes could be raised further by incorporating more specific examples of the challenges they face, which would ground their concerns in reality and make the audience more invested in their plight.
  • Divine G's response at the end, while optimistic, feels somewhat abrupt and lacks a strong emotional connection to the concerns raised by the others. Expanding on his reasoning for wanting to proceed with the play could provide a deeper insight into his character and his leadership style, making his perspective more compelling.
  • The setting of the scene is clear, but it could be enhanced by incorporating more sensory details. Describing the sounds of the prison, the atmosphere of the hallway, or the physical sensations of waiting could immerse the audience more fully in the environment and heighten the tension of the moment.
  • The pacing of the scene is generally good, but it could benefit from a moment of silence or reflection after Divine G's declaration to proceed with the play. This would allow the weight of his decision to settle in and give the other characters a chance to react more authentically, creating a more dynamic interaction.
Suggestions
  • Consider giving each character a distinct voice or catchphrase that reflects their personality, which will help differentiate them in dialogue.
  • Incorporate specific examples of the challenges they face with the props and wardrobe to raise the stakes and make their concerns feel more tangible.
  • Expand Divine G's reasoning for wanting to proceed with the play, perhaps by sharing a personal anecdote or a belief about the transformative power of art.
  • Add sensory details to the setting to create a more immersive experience for the audience, enhancing the emotional weight of the scene.
  • Include a moment of silence or reflection after Divine G's declaration to allow the characters to process the decision, which can lead to a more impactful response from the group.



Scene 20 -  Theater Tensions
INT. THEATER - ANOTHER DAY

The group is in the middle of another exercise: physical
acting. They’re “becoming objects”: a statue, a tree, a
tomato.

When it’s Divine Eye’s turn, he declines.

DIVINE EYE
I’m good man. I’ll catch it on the
next round.

It throws off the energy of the group. But they move on.


INT. THEATER - LATER

Later, they’re done for the day. Everyone looks exhausted as
they’re straightening the room. Divine G stops Divine Eye on
his way out.

DIVINE G
Yo. Before you leave, let me show
you something.

Divine Eye looks to others leaving, as if he has somewhere to
be.

DIVINE G (CONT’D)
It’ll only take a second.

DIVINE EYE
Alright.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary In a theater during a physical acting exercise, Divine Eye opts out of participating, disrupting the group's energy. As the session ends, Divine G urgently tries to engage Divine Eye, insisting on showing him something before he leaves. Despite his initial reluctance, Divine Eye ultimately agrees to see what Divine G has to share, hinting at a desire to reconnect amidst the tension.
Strengths
  • Tension-building
  • Character dynamics
  • Conflict escalation
Weaknesses
  • Emotional depth
  • Dialogue pacing

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 7.5

The scene effectively builds tension and sets up a confrontation between the characters, keeping the audience engaged and curious about the outcome.


Story Content

Concept: 7.5

The concept of the scene revolves around the strained relationship between Divine G and Divine Eye, setting the stage for a dramatic confrontation.

Plot: 7

The plot progresses as the tension between Divine G and Divine Eye escalates, hinting at potential conflicts and resolutions in future scenes.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh approach to character interactions and explores themes of autonomy and independence in a unique way. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters of Divine G and Divine Eye are well-developed, with their conflicting personalities and motivations driving the scene forward.

Character Changes: 7

Divine Eye experiences a shift in his demeanor as the tension with Divine G escalates, hinting at potential character growth in future scenes.

Internal Goal: 8

Divine Eye's internal goal is to maintain his independence and not be pressured into participating in activities he doesn't want to. This reflects his need for autonomy and control over his own choices.

External Goal: 7

Divine Eye's external goal is to leave the theater and go about his day. This reflects the immediate circumstances of the scene where he is tired and wants to go home.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict between Divine G and Divine Eye is intense and sets the stage for further developments in their relationship.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Divine Eye facing pressure from Divine G to stay and see something. The audience is unsure of how Divine Eye will respond.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are high as Divine G and Divine Eye confront each other, with potential consequences for their relationship and the overall plot.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by establishing key conflicts and dynamics between characters, setting the stage for future developments.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected interactions between Divine Eye and Divine G. The audience is unsure of how the conflict will be resolved.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between Divine Eye's desire for independence and Divine G's desire to show him something. This challenges Divine Eye's beliefs about autonomy and control.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes a sense of unease and tension, but could benefit from deeper emotional resonance to fully engage the audience.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue effectively conveys the tension and unease between Divine G and Divine Eye, setting the tone for their confrontation.

Engagement: 8

This scene is engaging because of the tension between the characters and the subtle emotional dynamics at play. The audience is drawn into the conflict and invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the characters' interactions.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear dialogue formatting and scene descriptions. The formatting enhances the readability of the scene.

Structure: 9

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with clear scene transitions and character interactions. The pacing and rhythm contribute to its effectiveness.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the dynamics of a theater group engaged in physical acting exercises, which is a great way to showcase the characters' personalities and their relationships. However, Divine Eye's reluctance to participate feels somewhat abrupt and could benefit from additional context or internal conflict to deepen his character's motivations.
  • Divine Eye's line, 'I’m good man. I’ll catch it on the next round,' lacks emotional weight and could be enhanced to reflect his inner struggles or frustrations. This would help the audience understand why he is opting out and create a stronger connection to his character arc.
  • The transition between the two parts of the scene feels a bit disjointed. While it effectively shows the passage of time, adding a brief moment of reflection or dialogue among the group members after the exercise could help smooth the transition and reinforce the camaraderie or tension within the group.
  • Divine G's invitation to Divine Eye to show him something is intriguing, but it lacks specificity. Providing a hint about what Divine G wants to show could build anticipation and curiosity for the audience, making the scene more engaging.
  • The overall tone of the scene is light-hearted, but the emotional stakes could be raised. Exploring Divine Eye's feelings about the exercise or his relationship with Divine G could add depth and complexity to the scene.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a line or two from Divine Eye that reveals his internal conflict about participating in the exercise. This could be a moment of vulnerability that resonates with the audience.
  • Enhance Divine Eye's refusal to participate by incorporating a backstory or a specific reason for his reluctance, such as a past experience that makes him uncomfortable with physical acting.
  • Include a brief moment of dialogue among the group after the exercise to highlight their camaraderie or frustrations, which would help transition into the next part of the scene more smoothly.
  • Provide a hint about what Divine G wants to show Divine Eye, such as a new acting technique or a personal project, to create intrigue and encourage audience investment in the moment.
  • Explore the emotional stakes further by allowing Divine G to express concern for Divine Eye's well-being or to challenge him to confront his fears, which could deepen their relationship and enhance the scene's impact.



Scene 21 -  Tension at The Steeple
INT. THEATER / WINDOW - CONTINUOUS

Divine G leads Divine Eye deeper backstage. To a corner with
a LITTLE CAGED WINDOW. Through it they can see rolling green
mountains.

Divine G stands by the window. Divine Eye is looking around
the room.
DIVINE EYE
You know they call this room The
Steeple. Lotta business gets done
in here.

DIVINE G
Window’s got a nice view too. You
ever look out there?

Divine Eye stares at him.

DIVINE EYE
I don’t look where I can’t go. And
I don’t think you brought me up
here to look at some mountains.

The conversation stops cold a moment.

DIVINE G
Listen. You uh, you seem...
frustrated with the work. I can see
you struggling and I’ve been there.
It’s--

DIVINE EYE
I’m not struggling, those exercises
are just goofy.

DIVINE G
They’re leading to something
bigger. You’ll find the depth if
you lean into it. There’s no bottom
to what the work will give you if
you--

DIVINE EYE
Is this the speech you give all the
new guys?

DIVINE G
It’s not a--

DIVINE EYE
Listen man, I know your type.
Always gotta be up front. On top.
Herding everybody around with your
lessons. But I don’t need that. I
didn’t come here for that.

Divine G is quiet a moment, thinking of how polite to be.

DIVINE G
I’ve been wanting to put a play of
mine up for years. Years.
(MORE)
DIVINE G (CONT’D)
But then you walk in and ask for a
comedy and now... Here we are. But
I didn’t say one word. You know
why?

DIVINE EYE
Cause I was right. Cause everybody
likes a comedy.

DIVINE G
Because it’s what the group wanted.
It doesn’t matter what I want.
Doesn’t matter if we never do one
of my plays. No one is bigger than
the program. No one.

DIVINE EYE
(sarcastic)
Well you’re a real big person.
That’s--

DIVINE G
I know you’ve got a knife in your
waistband.

Divine Eye is quiet at that.

DIVINE G (CONT’D)
You think it makes you stronger but
it’s a false strength. That yard
shit is not necessary in here.

DIVINE EYE
I don’t need you telling me what’s
necessary.

DIVINE G
You’ve got your armor up. Afraid of
what might be underneath it. Afraid
that if--

DIVINE EYE
You practice that line?

They stare at each other.

DIVINE EYE (CONT’D)
How about this? I do my thing, you
do yours. And don’t take me into
any dark corners no more. That
makes a xxxxxx nervous, you feel
me?
DIVINE G
(quickly)
Hey we don’t say that in here. We
use beloved. And if I--

Divine G takes a deep breath. Re-centers.

DIVINE G (CONT’D)
All I want to say is: you signed up
for this program. You could have
the respect for your brothers to
try a little when you show up. At
least don’t fuck it up for them.

Divine Eye stares at him like he might try taking his head
off shortly.

DIVINE G (CONT’D)
This place is sacred. It’s fragile.
This program is on a tightrope and
if they take it away... They’ll
take any excuse to shut us down. A
blade would be a pretty good
excuse. That’s all I want to say to
you. Please remember how much these
guys need this.

DIVINE EYE
That’s it?

DIVINE G
That’s it.

Divine G leaves him there at the window.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary In a secluded backstage area known as The Steeple, Divine G attempts to mentor the confrontational Divine Eye, who expresses skepticism about their program and dismisses its exercises. As tensions rise, Divine Eye reveals he carries a knife, prompting Divine G to caution him against aggression. The conversation highlights the importance of respect within their group, but ultimately ends with Divine G leaving Divine Eye alone at the window, symbolizing the fragility of their situation.
Strengths
  • Intense character dynamics
  • Emotional depth
  • Tension-filled dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Limited physical action
  • Heavy reliance on dialogue

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene is well-crafted, with a strong focus on character dynamics and emotional depth. The tension between Divine G and Divine Eye is palpable, adding layers to their relationship and individual struggles.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring the characters' conflicting perspectives and motivations within the context of the theater program is engaging and thought-provoking. The scene effectively delves into themes of personal growth and self-discovery.

Plot: 8

The plot progression in the scene revolves around the escalating conflict between Divine G and Divine Eye, adding depth to their characters and setting the stage for potential development in future scenes. The tension drives the narrative forward.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh approach to the familiar theme of power struggles and authority within a group setting. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters of Divine G and Divine Eye are well-developed and complex, with distinct personalities and motivations. Their interactions reveal layers of emotion and internal conflict, making them compelling and relatable.

Character Changes: 8

Both Divine G and Divine Eye undergo subtle shifts in their perspectives and attitudes during the scene, hinting at potential growth and development in future interactions. The confrontation challenges their beliefs and motivations.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to maintain control and authority over the situation, while also trying to connect with Divine Eye on a deeper level to understand his frustrations and motivations.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to maintain order and discipline within the theater program, ensuring that Divine Eye respects the rules and boundaries set by the group.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between Divine G and Divine Eye is intense and multi-layered, driving the emotional core of the scene. The clash of perspectives and motivations creates a compelling dynamic that keeps the audience engaged.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting goals and motivations driving the conflict between the characters. The audience is kept guessing about the outcome of the confrontation.

High Stakes: 8

The high stakes in the scene revolve around the potential consequences of Divine Eye's actions and the fragile nature of the theater program. The risk of losing the program adds urgency and tension to the confrontation.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by deepening the conflict between Divine G and Divine Eye, setting the stage for further character development and narrative progression. It adds complexity and depth to the overarching plot.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists in the characters' interactions and the shifting power dynamics. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of how the conflict will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between Divine G's belief in the importance of following the rules and respecting the program, and Divine Eye's rebellious attitude and desire for independence.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene evokes a strong emotional response from the audience, particularly in the tense exchanges between Divine G and Divine Eye. The raw vulnerability and authenticity of the characters add depth and resonance to the confrontation.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is sharp and impactful, effectively conveying the characters' emotions and conflicting viewpoints. The exchanges between Divine G and Divine Eye are tense and revealing, adding depth to their relationship.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the intense dialogue, power dynamics, and conflicting motivations of the characters. The tension and suspense keep the audience invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a gradual build-up of tension and suspense leading to a climactic confrontation between the characters. The rhythm of the dialogue enhances the effectiveness of the scene.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character dialogue. The formatting enhances the readability and flow of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm of the scene contribute to its effectiveness.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes tension between Divine G and Divine Eye, showcasing their contrasting perspectives on the theater program. However, the dialogue can feel a bit expository at times, particularly when Divine G explains the importance of the program. This could be streamlined to maintain a more natural flow.
  • Divine Eye's skepticism and sarcasm provide a strong counterpoint to Divine G's earnestness, but the dialogue occasionally leans into cliché territory, such as the 'false strength' line. Finding more unique expressions for these sentiments could enhance the authenticity of their exchange.
  • The setting of 'The Steeple' is intriguing, but it could be more vividly described to enhance the atmosphere. The visual of the mountains outside the window is a nice touch, but it feels underutilized in the context of the conversation. Consider incorporating more sensory details to immerse the audience in the space.
  • The stakes of the conversation could be heightened. While Divine G's warning about the fragility of the program is important, the scene could benefit from a clearer sense of what is at risk if Divine Eye continues to carry a knife. This would add urgency to Divine G's plea and make the audience more invested in the outcome.
  • The ending feels abrupt, with Divine G leaving Divine Eye at the window. A more impactful conclusion could involve Divine Eye reflecting on Divine G's words, perhaps showing a moment of vulnerability or contemplation that hints at potential character growth.
Suggestions
  • Consider tightening the dialogue to reduce exposition and make it feel more organic. Focus on subtext rather than overtly stating motivations.
  • Explore more creative language to express Divine G's concerns about strength and vulnerability, avoiding clichés to keep the dialogue fresh.
  • Enhance the description of 'The Steeple' and the view outside to create a more immersive setting. Use sensory details to evoke the atmosphere.
  • Clarify the stakes involved in Divine Eye's actions. Perhaps include a specific example of what could happen if the program is jeopardized, making Divine G's warning more compelling.
  • End the scene with a moment of reflection from Divine Eye, allowing the audience to see the impact of Divine G's words and hinting at his potential character development.



Scene 22 -  Tension in the Mess Hall
INT. MESS HALL - ANOTHER DAY

Divine G sits at a table by himself. Jots notes on a legal
pad while he sips his coffee.

Divine G looks up to see Divine Eye moving along a table,
stopping every few men, small exchanges of product and
currency, subtle as sleight of hand.

Divine G returns to his legal pad, tries to ignore it,
frustration starting to burn in him.


INT. THEATER - LATER THAT DAY

The group sits in a circle onstage. They start roll call.
They’re missing two.
MOSI
Carlos is on A Block. They’ve been
on keeplock all day.

BRENT
What about Divine Eye? Is he on A
Block?

BIG E
Nope. He’s B Block. No idea where
he is.

They decide to move on with class.

Divine G stares at the empty chair where Divine Eye should
be.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary In a correctional facility's mess hall, Divine G observes Divine Eye engaging in secretive exchanges with other inmates, leading to his growing frustration. During a subsequent roll call in the theater, the group discovers that Divine Eye is missing, along with another member, Carlos. Mosi explains Carlos's situation, while Brent and Big E express concern over Divine Eye's absence. Despite the tension and unresolved conflicts, the class decides to proceed, leaving Divine G fixated on the empty chair where Divine Eye should be, symbolizing his worry and frustration.
Strengths
  • Effective portrayal of character emotions
  • Setting up potential conflicts and tensions
  • Strong emotional impact
Weaknesses
  • Limited action
  • Reliance on character reactions

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 7.5

The scene effectively conveys Divine G's emotional state and sets up potential conflict and tension with Divine Eye's absence, creating intrigue and anticipation for future developments.


Story Content

Concept: 7

The concept of highlighting Divine G's concern over Divine Eye's absence adds depth to the character dynamics within the theater group, setting up potential conflicts and resolutions.

Plot: 7.5

The plot of the scene revolves around Divine G's reaction to Divine Eye's absence, setting up potential conflicts and character developments within the theater group.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on the prison drama genre, focusing on the internal conflicts and moral dilemmas of the characters rather than just the external action. The dialogue feels authentic and the characters' actions are unpredictable.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters of Divine G and Divine Eye are well-developed in this scene, with clear motivations and emotions driving their interactions. The scene effectively showcases their relationship dynamics.

Character Changes: 7

Divine G experiences a shift in his emotional state, moving from frustration to concern as he notices Divine Eye's absence. This sets up potential character growth and development in future scenes.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to maintain his composure and focus on his legal pad despite the distractions around him. This reflects his need for control and his fear of losing his cool in a potentially dangerous situation.

External Goal: 7.5

The protagonist's external goal is to find out the whereabouts of Divine Eye and understand the dynamics of the group. This reflects the immediate challenge of navigating the prison hierarchy and maintaining order within the group.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict in the scene is primarily internal, as Divine G grapples with his frustration and concern over Divine Eye's absence. The potential for external conflict is set up with Divine Eye's mysterious disappearance.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting goals, hidden agendas, and the threat of betrayal. The audience is left uncertain about the characters' true intentions and the outcome of their actions.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are moderately high in the scene, as Divine G's concern over Divine Eye's absence hints at potential conflicts and challenges within the theater group.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by introducing potential conflicts and tensions within the theater group, setting up future developments and character arcs.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the shifting power dynamics, hidden agendas, and the characters' conflicting loyalties. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of how the situation will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between loyalty and self-preservation. Divine G must balance his loyalty to Divine Eye with his own safety and reputation within the group.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene has a strong emotional impact, particularly in conveying Divine G's anxiety and concern over Divine Eye's absence. The audience is likely to feel invested in the characters' relationships and potential conflicts.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys Divine G's frustration and concern, as well as the group's reactions to Divine Eye's absence.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its suspenseful atmosphere, complex character dynamics, and the sense of impending conflict. The audience is drawn into the characters' struggles and motivations.

Pacing: 8.5

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a gradual build-up of tension, moments of quiet reflection, and bursts of action. The rhythm of the scene enhances its effectiveness and keeps the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with clear scene headings, action lines, and dialogue. The formatting enhances the readability and flow of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a tense, character-driven drama, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the scene's effectiveness.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures Divine G's internal conflict as he observes Divine Eye engaging in illicit activities. However, the transition between the mess hall and the theater feels abrupt. A smoother transition could enhance the flow of the narrative.
  • Divine G's frustration is palpable, but the scene could benefit from more internal dialogue or visual cues that illustrate his emotional state. This would deepen the audience's connection to his character and provide insight into his motivations.
  • The dialogue in the theater scene is functional but lacks emotional weight. The characters' responses to Divine Eye's absence could be more varied to reflect their individual personalities and relationships with him, adding depth to the group dynamic.
  • The empty chair motif is a strong visual element, symbolizing Divine Eye's absence and the impact it has on the group. However, it could be emphasized further through Divine G's reactions or thoughts, reinforcing the emotional stakes of the scene.
  • The pacing of the scene feels slightly rushed, particularly in the theater segment. Allowing for a moment of silence or reflection after the roll call could heighten the tension and emphasize the group's concern for Divine Eye.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief internal monologue for Divine G in the mess hall to articulate his feelings about Divine Eye's actions. This could provide clarity on his frustration and moral dilemma.
  • In the theater scene, enhance the dialogue by incorporating more personal stakes or emotional reactions from the characters regarding Divine Eye's absence. This could include anecdotes or shared experiences that highlight their concern.
  • Introduce a moment of silence or a shared glance among the group after realizing Divine Eye is missing. This could serve to heighten the emotional impact of his absence and create a stronger bond among the characters.
  • Explore the possibility of Divine G taking a more active role in addressing Divine Eye's absence during roll call. This could involve him expressing concern or suggesting a plan to find Divine Eye, showcasing his leadership qualities.
  • Consider using visual storytelling techniques, such as close-ups on Divine G's face or the empty chair, to convey the emotional weight of the scene. This could enhance the audience's connection to the characters and their struggles.



Scene 23 -  Chaos in the Cell
INT. DIVINE G’S CELL - NIGHT

Divine G is back in his cell, working at his desk.

The gates open and a CO appears.

CO
Random contraband check. Step out
of the cell.

Divine G knows the drill. He sighs. Steps out and holds onto
the bars.

The CO goes in the cell and turns it over, goes through every
drawer, turns over his bed, fans out books and drops them.
Turns meticulous order to chaos.

Divine G just stares off into space.

Finally the CO finishes.

CO (CONT’D)
OK. Go back in.

Divine G returns to his cell and starts to piece it together
as the gate slams behind him.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary In a dimly lit prison cell at night, Divine G is interrupted by a CO conducting a random contraband check. As the CO searches through his belongings, Divine G remains passive, staring blankly into space while his meticulously organized space is thrown into disarray. After the search, the CO instructs him to return to his cell, where Divine G begins to restore order amidst the chaos left behind, embodying a sense of resignation and frustration as the gate slams shut.
Strengths
  • Subtle character development
  • Emotional depth
  • Atmospheric tension
Weaknesses
  • Lack of plot progression
  • Minimal dialogue

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 7.5

The scene effectively conveys Divine G's emotional state through minimal dialogue and actions, creating a tense and introspective atmosphere. The somber tone adds depth to the character's internal struggles, making it a compelling moment in the screenplay.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring Divine G's reaction to a routine cell inspection adds depth to his character, revealing his resignation and detachment from his surroundings. It provides insight into his internal struggles and sets the stage for further character development.

Plot: 7

While the scene does not significantly advance the plot, it serves as a crucial moment for character development, offering a glimpse into Divine G's mindset and emotional state. It adds layers to the overall narrative by delving into the character's internal conflicts.

Originality: 8

The scene offers a fresh perspective on the prison environment, focusing on the psychological impact of routine searches on the inmates. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and grounded in reality.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The scene effectively showcases Divine G's character through his reactions and demeanor during the cell inspection. It highlights his resilience and inner turmoil, deepening the audience's understanding of his complex personality.

Character Changes: 5

While there is no significant character change in this scene, it deepens the audience's understanding of Divine G's internal struggles and emotional state. It sets the stage for potential growth and development in future scenes.

Internal Goal: 8

Divine G's internal goal in this scene is to maintain his composure and inner strength despite the invasion of his personal space and belongings. This reflects his deeper need for autonomy and dignity in a dehumanizing environment.

External Goal: 7

Divine G's external goal in this scene is to comply with the CO's instructions and pass the contraband check without any issues. This reflects the immediate challenge of maintaining a sense of control in a situation where he has little power.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 4

The scene lacks overt conflict but subtly hints at Divine G's internal conflicts and struggles. The tension arises from his resignation and detachment, adding a layer of complexity to the character dynamics.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, as Divine G is faced with the authority and control of the correctional officer, creating a power dynamic that adds to the conflict.

High Stakes: 3

The stakes in the scene are relatively low, focusing more on character introspection and emotional depth rather than external conflicts or high-risk situations. Divine G's internal struggles take center stage, setting the tone for future challenges.

Story Forward: 5

The scene does not propel the main plot forward significantly but adds depth to Divine G's character arc. It provides essential insights into his mindset and emotional journey, laying the groundwork for future narrative developments.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because the outcome of the contraband check is uncertain, leaving the audience on edge about Divine G's fate.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the clash between Divine G's desire for personal integrity and the prison system's need for security and control. This challenges Divine G's beliefs about justice, freedom, and individual rights.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a strong emotional response from the audience, eliciting empathy for Divine G's plight and inner turmoil. His resignation and detachment resonate on an emotional level, drawing viewers into his world.

Dialogue: 6

The minimal dialogue in the scene serves its purpose in conveying Divine G's emotions and thoughts subtly. While there are no standout lines, the silence and actions speak volumes about the character's state of mind.

Engagement: 8

This scene is engaging because it creates a sense of anticipation and suspense, drawing the audience into Divine G's emotional experience and inner turmoil.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension gradually, leading to a climactic moment when the CO finishes the search.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting. The visual descriptions enhance the reader's understanding of the setting and characters.

Structure: 9

The scene follows the expected structure for a prison drama, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the tension and suspense of the scene.


Critique
  • The scene effectively conveys a sense of isolation and frustration through Divine G's passive reaction to the CO's search. However, the emotional weight could be enhanced by incorporating more internal thoughts or reflections from Divine G during the search, allowing the audience to connect more deeply with his feelings of helplessness.
  • The dialogue is minimal, which works for the tone of the scene, but it might benefit from some internal monologue or voiceover from Divine G. This could provide insight into his thoughts about the contraband check, his life in prison, or his concerns about Divine Eye's recent behavior.
  • The visual imagery of the CO turning Divine G's meticulously organized cell into chaos is powerful, but it could be further emphasized by describing the specific items that are disturbed. This would not only enhance the visual aspect but also symbolize the disruption in Divine G's life and the fragility of his sense of order.
  • The pacing of the scene is slow, which suits the mood, but it risks losing the audience's engagement. Consider adding subtle actions or reactions from Divine G during the search to maintain interest, such as fidgeting, glancing at the CO, or reflecting on past experiences that relate to the current situation.
  • The ending, where Divine G begins to restore order after the CO leaves, is a strong visual metaphor for his desire to regain control. However, it could be more impactful if it included a moment of reflection or a realization about his situation, perhaps linking it back to the earlier concerns about Divine Eye's behavior.
Suggestions
  • Incorporate internal monologue or voiceover to provide deeper insight into Divine G's thoughts and feelings during the contraband check.
  • Enhance the visual description of the items in Divine G's cell to symbolize his life and the chaos that the search represents.
  • Add subtle actions or reactions from Divine G during the CO's search to maintain audience engagement and build tension.
  • Consider including a moment of reflection for Divine G at the end of the scene, linking his desire to restore order to his concerns about Divine Eye and the overall fragility of their situation.
  • Explore the possibility of using sound design or ambient noise to heighten the tension during the search, emphasizing the oppressive atmosphere of the prison.



Scene 24 -  Finding Solace in Brotherhood
INT. THEATER - LATER

All the men sit onstage, cross-legged. Brent walks between
them.

BRENT
Close your eyes and go to your most
perfect spot. Most perfect moment.
(MORE)
BRENT (CONT’D)
What are the sounds? Do you hear
anything? Who is there?

Divine G closes his eyes. Slows his breathing. He hears
someone come in and join the circle late. He sneaks a look.
It’s Divine Eye.

BRENT (CONT’D)
Do you feel the temperature? Is
there a breeze? Are you inside?
Out? What are the smells? Hold
yourself there. And... open your
eyes.

Divine G opens his eyes. The men are squinting at the light.
He sees Divine Eye, his face is serene.

BRENT (CONT’D)
Does anyone want to describe where
you just were?

The men look around at each other.

Then begin to share their perfect spots...

It comes around to Divine Eye, he makes a joke about how
wherever he was there was hammock there. But even though he
won’t admit it, it’s clear by his face he really went
somewhere.

Finally it comes around to Mike Mike.

MIKE MIKE
You know uh... I really tried to go
somewhere else. Squeezed my eyes.
Sniffed around. And I came up
empty. Just blank nothing. I guess
I’ve been here too long to imagine
anything out there. But uh...
(looks around at the
circle)
If I gotta be stuck somewhere. This
is where I’d be here. Right here
with yall. This spot. This is
perfect.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary In a theater, Brent leads a group of men in a meditative exercise, prompting them to visualize their perfect moments. Divine G notices Divine Eye joining late, and after the meditation, the men share their experiences. Divine Eye humorously describes his ideal spot with a hammock, while Mike Mike struggles to visualize anything beyond their current situation. Ultimately, he finds comfort in the presence of his peers, declaring that being with them is his perfect moment, highlighting the supportive bond among the group.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
  • Sense of community and belonging
Weaknesses
  • Lack of plot progression
  • Low conflict level

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9.2

The scene effectively captures the characters' emotional depth and sense of belonging, creating a poignant and reflective atmosphere. The dialogue and interactions feel genuine and heartfelt, resonating with the audience.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of exploring each character's 'perfect spot' and their feelings of belonging and acceptance within the group is compelling and well-developed. It adds depth to the characters and reinforces the themes of community and unity.

Plot: 8.5

While the scene doesn't advance the main plot significantly, it serves as a crucial moment of character development and emotional resonance. It deepens the audience's understanding of the characters and their relationships, enriching the overall narrative.

Originality: 8

The scene offers a fresh approach to the theme of self-reflection and inner peace, with unique character interactions and introspective dialogue. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9.5

The scene allows the characters to shine in their vulnerability and authenticity, showcasing their individual personalities and emotional journeys. Each character's unique perspective adds depth to the ensemble cast and strengthens the sense of community.

Character Changes: 8

While there are subtle shifts in the characters' perspectives and emotions, the scene primarily focuses on reinforcing their sense of community and connection rather than significant individual character changes.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to connect with his innermost thoughts and feelings, as well as to find a sense of peace and contentment within himself.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to participate in the meditation exercise and share his experience with the group.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 2

The scene is low on conflict, focusing more on introspection and emotional connection among the characters. The conflict is internal, as the characters grapple with their pasts and find solace in their present moment of unity.

Opposition: 6

The opposition in the scene is subtle, with characters facing internal conflicts and struggles rather than external obstacles.

High Stakes: 3

The stakes are relatively low in this scene, as the focus is more on emotional introspection and character bonding rather than external conflicts or high-risk situations. The characters' personal growth and relationships take precedence.

Story Forward: 7

The scene doesn't propel the main plot forward significantly but enriches the character development and thematic depth of the narrative. It provides essential insights into the characters' inner worlds and relationships, enhancing the overall story.

Unpredictability: 6

This scene is unpredictable because it explores the characters' unexpected reactions and emotional revelations during the meditation exercise.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is the struggle between finding inner peace and contentment within oneself versus seeking external validation or escape from reality.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9.5

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking feelings of nostalgia, belonging, and hope in the audience. The characters' vulnerability and shared moments of reflection create a poignant and heartfelt atmosphere that resonates deeply.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is poignant and introspective, capturing the characters' inner thoughts and emotions effectively. It conveys a sense of camaraderie and mutual understanding among the men, enhancing the scene's emotional impact.

Engagement: 8

This scene is engaging because it delves into the characters' inner thoughts and emotions, creating a sense of intimacy and vulnerability that draws the audience in.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by allowing moments of introspection and reflection to unfold naturally, creating a sense of emotional depth and authenticity.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm of the scene contribute to its effectiveness.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures a moment of introspection and vulnerability among the characters, particularly Divine G and Divine Eye. The meditative exercise serves as a powerful device to explore their inner worlds, contrasting their current prison environment with their imagined perfect moments. However, the transition from the previous scene to this one feels abrupt. The emotional weight of Divine G's experience during the contraband check could be better integrated into this scene to enhance continuity and deepen the emotional resonance.
  • Divine Eye's late arrival adds an interesting dynamic, suggesting his struggle with engagement and connection. However, the scene could benefit from more explicit internal conflict for Divine G as he observes Divine Eye. A brief moment of hesitation or concern from Divine G about Divine Eye's presence could heighten the tension and underscore their complicated relationship.
  • Mike Mike's contribution to the discussion is poignant and serves as a grounding moment for the group. However, the dialogue could be enriched by adding more distinct voices or perspectives from other characters. This would create a more diverse tapestry of experiences and enhance the overall impact of the scene. Additionally, the use of humor in Divine Eye's joke about the hammock is effective, but it could be further developed to reveal more about his character's coping mechanisms.
  • The visual elements of the scene are strong, particularly the imagery of the men sitting cross-legged and the serene atmosphere created by the meditation. However, the scene could benefit from more sensory details to immerse the audience further. Describing the sounds of the theater, the feel of the floor beneath them, or the smell of the space could enhance the meditative quality and draw the audience deeper into the moment.
  • The ending, where Mike Mike expresses contentment in being with the group, is a strong conclusion to the scene. However, it might be more impactful if it were followed by a brief moment of silence or reflection from the group, allowing the weight of his words to settle before transitioning to the next scene.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment of internal conflict for Divine G as he observes Divine Eye's late arrival, which could enhance the emotional stakes of the scene.
  • Incorporate more distinct voices or perspectives from other characters during the sharing of their perfect spots to create a richer dialogue and showcase the diversity of experiences within the group.
  • Enhance the sensory details in the scene to immerse the audience further in the meditative atmosphere, such as describing the sounds, smells, and physical sensations present in the theater.
  • Explore the potential for a moment of silence or reflection after Mike Mike's statement to allow the weight of his words to resonate with the group before moving on to the next scene.
  • Consider weaving in elements from the previous scene to create a smoother transition and deepen the emotional connection between Divine G's earlier experience and the meditative exercise.



Scene 25 -  Finding Focus in Chaos
INT. THEATER - ANOTHER DAY

Divine Eye is in the middle of blocking his scene. Divine G
is with the rest of the company that circles the stage,
watching on.
Divine Eye is agitated, having trouble focusing. One of the
men walks behind him in the blocking.

DIVINE EYE
Hey hey. He can’t walk back there.
I get nervous with people walking
behind me.

The guy stops, looks to Brent.

BRENT
Well you’re gonna have to get used
to that. Or act like it doesn’t
bother you.

DIVINE EYE
He could walk in front of me.

BRENT
At some point, someone will walk
behind you. Do you remember your
first mark?

DIVINE EYE
I’m supposed to be next to
Gravedigger. Then Leslie and Marion
magically appear stage left. Got
it.

BRENT
Great. Let’s run it.

Divine Eye tries to calm himself. Begins his soliloquy.
Stumbles.

DIVINE EYE
Shit. Line!

BRENT
Whether ‘tis nobler... Let’s take
it from the top.

They do, but now it’s not just Divine Eye stumbling. The
others in the scene are too. They can’t find a rhythm.

It starts to get TENSE. Guys are getting agitated. One curses
himself.

Suddenly Dino’s voice cut’s through the group.

DINO
Stop!

Dino is quiet a moment, then speaks up from the wings.
[What follows is a real story.]

DINO (CONT’D)
I was a keeplock monster. My anger
consumed me. I worked everything
out with violence. But one morning
at breakfast there was this guy
sitting across from me -- had a big
mole on his nose, I’ll never forget
that. I don’t know who he was but
somebody stepped up behind him and
just cut him. Ear to ear, didn’t
say nothing. The blood, it was...
everywhere. On the table, on my
clothes, on my... face. But I
didn’t move. None of us did. We
just sat there... still. Didn’t
even look at him as he died. Back
in my cell I realized... that’s not
normal. I started to feel like I
wasn’t even human. After that day
everything changed. I heard about
this and my first thought was,
dressing up in funny outfits and
dancing around in a max security
prison is not a great idea. But I
gave it a shot. First time I felt
like a human in... since I could
remember. It showed me the way
back.

The tension from the room is gone. They get back to work.


INT. SING SING HALLWAY - ANOTHER DAY

Divine G stands in a long line of people in a hallway. The
gate ahead is shut -- they’re stuck between places.

They’ve been waiting here a long time. Divine G is clearly
agitated.

One man in line yells out to ask what’s going on. A CO yells
back for him to shut the fuck up.

So they continue to wait.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary In a theater rehearsal, Divine Eye struggles to concentrate amidst distractions, leading to frustration among the cast. Director Brent encourages him to adapt, but the tension escalates. Dino interrupts with a haunting personal story from his past, shifting the mood and helping the group regain their focus and calmness, allowing them to return to work.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
  • Reflective dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Occasional stumbling in performance
  • Lack of external conflict

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys the tension and emotional depth of the characters while offering a hopeful message of personal growth and redemption. The dialogue and performances are compelling, drawing the audience into the characters' struggles and eventual realization.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of using theater as a means of self-discovery and redemption in a prison setting is innovative and thought-provoking. It explores the human experience and the potential for growth and change through artistic expression.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene focuses on the characters' struggles with performance and self-discovery, leading to a moment of realization and growth. It effectively advances the overarching theme of finding humanity through art.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh perspective on the rehearsal process in a theater setting, focusing on the internal struggles and personal growth of the characters. The authenticity of the dialogue and emotional moments adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed and undergo significant emotional journeys throughout the scene. Their interactions and struggles with performance and personal demons add depth and authenticity to the narrative.

Character Changes: 8

Several characters undergo significant changes during the scene, particularly in terms of self-discovery and personal growth. Their emotional journeys add depth and complexity to the narrative, enhancing the overall impact of the scene.

Internal Goal: 8

Divine Eye's internal goal in this scene is to overcome his nervousness and focus on his performance. This reflects his deeper need for validation and success as an actor.

External Goal: 7.5

Divine Eye's external goal is to successfully block the scene and run through his lines without stumbling. This reflects the immediate challenge he faces in the rehearsal process.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The scene contains internal conflicts within the characters as they struggle with performance and personal demons. The tension adds depth to the narrative and drives the emotional arcs of the characters.

Opposition: 7.5

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Divine Eye facing internal struggles and external pressures in the rehearsal process. The uncertainty and challenges he encounters create a sense of tension and conflict that drives the scene forward.

High Stakes: 6

While the stakes are not explicitly high in terms of external conflict, the internal struggles and emotional journeys of the characters create a sense of personal stakes and growth that drive the narrative forward.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by advancing the characters' emotional arcs and thematic development. It sets the stage for further exploration of the transformative power of art and personal redemption within the prison environment.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected emotional depth and vulnerability revealed in Dino's monologue, shifting the tone and dynamics of the rehearsal process. The sudden change in atmosphere adds a layer of unpredictability to the scene.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between Divine Eye's internal struggles with nervousness and self-doubt, and the external pressures of the rehearsal process and expectations of the theater company. This challenges his beliefs about his own abilities and the demands of his craft.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking feelings of tension, reflection, and hope in the audience. The characters' struggles and eventual realization resonate on a deep emotional level, drawing the audience into their journey.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is impactful and reflective of the characters' inner turmoil and growth. It effectively conveys the emotional stakes and themes of the scene, drawing the audience into the characters' experiences.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense emotional moments, realistic dialogue, and relatable struggles of the characters. The tension and vulnerability of the characters draw the audience in and create a sense of empathy and connection.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension and emotional depth gradually, leading to a climactic moment with Dino's monologue. The rhythm of the dialogue and character interactions enhances the overall impact of the scene.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene follows the expected format for a theater setting, with clear scene headings, character actions, and dialogue. The visual descriptions and stage directions enhance the reader's understanding of the setting and character interactions.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for a rehearsal scene in a screenplay, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm of the scene contribute to its effectiveness in conveying the tension and emotional depth of the characters.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the tension and frustration of the rehearsal process, particularly through Divine Eye's agitation and the subsequent ripple effect on the rest of the cast. However, the transition from the rehearsal's tension to Dino's story feels abrupt. While Dino's story is impactful, it could benefit from a smoother lead-in that connects his experience more directly to the current situation, perhaps by having him relate it to the importance of focusing on the task at hand.
  • Dino's monologue is powerful and serves as a moment of catharsis for the group, but it might be more effective if it were foreshadowed or hinted at earlier in the scene. This would create a stronger narrative thread and make his intervention feel more organic rather than a sudden shift in tone.
  • The dialogue between Divine Eye and Brent is functional but could be enriched with more subtext. For instance, Divine Eye's insistence on where others should walk could reflect deeper insecurities or fears about being vulnerable in front of others, which could be explored through more nuanced dialogue.
  • The pacing of the scene is generally good, but the buildup to the tension could be enhanced by incorporating more physicality or visual cues from the other cast members as they react to Divine Eye's agitation. This would help to create a more immersive atmosphere and allow the audience to feel the collective frustration.
  • The final line of the scene, where the tension dissipates and they return to work, feels a bit rushed. It might be beneficial to linger on the moment of relief a bit longer, allowing the audience to absorb the shift in mood before transitioning to the next scene.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment of physicality or visual distraction that leads to Divine Eye's agitation, such as a specific action from another cast member that triggers his discomfort.
  • Introduce a line or two from Divine Eye that hints at his deeper fears or insecurities, which would add layers to his character and make his agitation more relatable.
  • Explore the dynamics of the group more by showing how other cast members react to Divine Eye's frustration before Dino speaks up. This could include shared glances, sighs, or even whispered comments that build the tension.
  • When transitioning to Dino's story, consider a line from Divine Eye or Brent that prompts Dino to share his experience, creating a more seamless connection between the rehearsal tension and the story.
  • Allow for a moment of silence or reflection after Dino's story before returning to the rehearsal, giving the characters and audience time to process the weight of what was shared.



Scene 26 -  Rehearsals of Reflection
INT. THEATER - LATER THAT DAY

Divine G is sitting in a row of empty seats. He watches the
actors onstage blocking a dance number for a pirate ship
scene. Brent directs the action.
The men aren’t off book. They don’t know their marks yet. The
choreography is all over the place.

Divine G jots some notes in a notebook on his lap.

Soon, Divine Eye comes and sits in the row behind him,
soaking wet from the rain.

DIVINE EYE
Why ain’t you up there?

DIVINE G
(without looking back)
We’re not rehearsing any scenes I’m
in today.

DIVINE EYE
So you just come through to keep a
check on everybody?

DIVINE G
I just enjoy watching them is all.

They stumble onstage. Someone curses himself. Brent
encourages him.

DIVINE G (CONT’D)
It’s a good reminder to see it when
it’s so... rough. But I know,
somehow someway, it’ll all come
together by opening night. Trust
the process. That’s what we say in
here.

DIVINE EYE
What are those notes then? Writing
love letters?

Divine G moves his hand over the notebook, covering the page.

DIVINE G
Nah. Legal work. Some brothers want
healthier food in the mess hall.
I’m researching some litigation to
see if we can fix that.

Divine Eye nods, watches the stage a moment.

DIVINE G (CONT’D)
So you just drifted on in, huh?

DIVINE EYE
Yeah...
Divine Eye is quiet a moment.

The ship backdrop onstage almost falls over, the actors have
to hold it up while they devise a way to keep it standing.

DIVINE EYE (CONT’D)
You’re telling me that’s normal?

DIVINE G
Trust the process.

They watch them scramble onstage.

DIVINE EYE
You got any kids?

Divine G is surprised by the question.

DIVINE G
Two girls and a boy.

DIVINE EYE
What are their names?

DIVINE G
You’re all up in my business
today...

Divine G pauses a moment. As if the memories are painful to
touch.

DIVINE G (CONT’D)
Divequa, Dinasia, and Karron.
Karron was just born when I came in
here. But he’s the only one who
still writes me. He’s getting into
acting, of all things. Been making
these little movies, putting them
on that youtube.

DIVINE EYE
You don’t write your girls?

DIVINE G
... They don’t... I don’t want to
bother them. They’re trying to live
their lives. We think we’re the
only ones in a prison, but they’re
locked up in here with us. In their
own way.

Divine Eye watches the action onstage.
DIVINE EYE
When I started my bid, my boy was
young, but he was taken care of.
The brothers I used to roll with,
they looked after him. I mean
rolled out the red carpet for him
wherever he went. Treated him like
a prince. Before long, he was doing
the same work I was. Now he’s
wearing greens. Just like his old
dad.

Divine G is quiet now.

DIVINE EYE (CONT’D)
I feel different in here. If I’d
had this on the outside, I’d’ve
done something else, I know it. I
wouldn’t be in here. And he
wouldn’t be in here either.

Divine Eye stands up to leave.

DIVINE EYE (CONT’D)
Keep writing your girls, man. Don’t
matter if they write back or not.

Divine G sits with that. Someone on stage yells for a line
reading. Divine Eye chuckles.

DIVINE EYE (CONT’D)
At least I’m not the only one.

DIVINE G
There’s a trick to that, you know.

Divine Eye is quiet a moment, as if maybe he didn’t hear him.

DIVINE EYE
(finally)
What’s the trick?
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary In an empty theater, Divine G observes a chaotic rehearsal for a pirate ship scene while discussing the emotional struggles of incarceration with Divine Eye, who has just arrived wet from the rain. They reflect on their families, with Divine G expressing concern for his daughters and Divine Eye sharing his own experiences with his son. Their conversation highlights the importance of maintaining connections despite silence and the emotional weight of their circumstances. The scene captures the camaraderie formed through shared struggles, ending with Divine G contemplating the need to reach out to his daughters.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Character exploration
  • Authentic dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Limited plot progression
  • Low external conflict

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene is well-crafted, providing a deep insight into the characters' inner thoughts and emotions. It effectively conveys a sense of introspection and shared experiences, setting the stage for potential character growth and development.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring the characters' personal lives and relationships outside of the prison setting adds depth to their portrayal, highlighting the complexity of their experiences and the impact of their choices. The scene effectively conveys themes of family, regret, and resilience.

Plot: 7.5

While the scene does not significantly advance the main plot of the play or the prison setting, it serves as a crucial moment of character development and introspection. The focus on Divine G and Divine Eye's personal stories enriches the overall narrative, providing insight into their motivations and struggles.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh perspective on prison life and family relationships, with authentic character interactions and emotional depth.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The scene allows for deep exploration of Divine G and Divine Eye's characters, revealing their vulnerabilities, regrets, and hopes. Their interactions showcase a range of emotions and complexities, making them more relatable and multidimensional.

Character Changes: 8

Both Divine G and Divine Eye experience a subtle shift in their perspectives and understanding of each other during the scene. Their shared conversation prompts reflection and growth, setting the stage for potential changes in their attitudes and relationships.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to find solace and meaning in his work and personal life despite the challenges he faces. This reflects his deeper need for connection and purpose.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to support his fellow inmates and advocate for better conditions in the prison. This reflects the immediate circumstances and challenges he's facing within the prison system.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 5

While there is a subtle tension in Divine G and Divine Eye's conversation, the scene primarily focuses on introspection and personal reflection rather than external conflict. The conflict arises more from the characters' internal struggles and regrets.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create tension and conflict, but not overwhelming to the point of overshadowing the character interactions.

High Stakes: 4

The stakes in the scene are relatively low in terms of external conflict or plot advancement. However, the emotional stakes are high as the characters confront their past choices, regrets, and hopes, leading to a deeper understanding of their motivations and relationships.

Story Forward: 6

While the scene does not significantly move the main plot forward, it enriches the character development and thematic exploration of the narrative. The focus on Divine G and Divine Eye's personal stories adds depth and complexity to the overall story.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected emotional revelations and character development that occur during the conversation.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the idea of trust in the process and finding purpose in difficult circumstances. It challenges the protagonist's beliefs about resilience and hope.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, drawing the audience into the characters' inner worlds and eliciting feelings of empathy and connection. The exploration of regret, hope, and family relationships resonates on a deep emotional level.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue in the scene is poignant and reflective, capturing the characters' inner thoughts and emotions effectively. The exchanges between Divine G and Divine Eye are authentic and reveal a depth of feeling and understanding between them.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the emotional depth of the characters, the realistic dialogue, and the relatable themes of family and resilience.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by allowing for moments of reflection and emotional depth, while also maintaining a sense of momentum.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with clear scene headings and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a character-driven drama, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the tension and chaos of the rehearsal process, which mirrors the emotional struggles of the characters. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtext. For instance, Divine G's reluctance to discuss his children feels a bit on-the-nose. Instead of stating that he doesn't want to bother them, consider showing this through his body language or a more indirect response that hints at his guilt or shame.
  • Divine Eye's backstory about his son following in his footsteps is poignant, but it could be more impactful if it were woven into the dialogue more organically. Right now, it feels like an exposition dump. Perhaps he could share a specific memory or anecdote that illustrates his feelings about his son's choices, making it more relatable and emotionally resonant.
  • The pacing of the scene is somewhat uneven. The initial focus on the chaotic rehearsal is engaging, but the transition to the more personal conversation between Divine G and Divine Eye feels abrupt. Consider adding a moment of silence or a visual cue that emphasizes the shift from the external chaos to their internal dialogue, allowing the audience to absorb the change in tone.
  • The use of physical comedy with the backdrop almost falling over is a nice touch, but it could be enhanced by tying it more closely to the characters' emotional states. For example, Divine G could make a comment about the instability of both the set and their lives, creating a parallel that deepens the thematic resonance of the scene.
  • The ending feels a bit unresolved. While Divine Eye's advice to keep writing is meaningful, it might be more powerful if Divine G responds with a commitment to change or a specific action he plans to take. This would provide a stronger sense of character development and closure for the scene.
Suggestions
  • Incorporate more subtext in Divine G's dialogue about his children to convey his emotional struggle without explicitly stating it.
  • Weave Divine Eye's backstory into the conversation more organically by sharing a specific memory or anecdote that illustrates his feelings about his son's choices.
  • Add a moment of silence or a visual cue to emphasize the transition from the chaotic rehearsal to the personal conversation, allowing the audience to absorb the change in tone.
  • Enhance the physical comedy of the backdrop by tying it to the characters' emotional states, perhaps with a comment from Divine G that parallels their lives.
  • Provide a stronger sense of resolution at the end of the scene by having Divine G respond to Divine Eye's advice with a commitment to change or a specific action he plans to take.



Scene 27 -  Guidance and Uncertainty
INT. REC ROOM - THE NEXT DAY

Divine G lays his script across a table. It’s got notes all
over it, more notes than lines.

DIVINE EYE
Holy shit.

DIVINE G
You can’t memorize your lines until
you know what they mean.
(MORE)
DIVINE G (CONT’D)
Gotta get down under them.
Paraphrase, whatever you’ve got to
do to understand what they’re
actually saying. Then...

Divine G pulls out a ROLL OF PAPER. He’s taped a bunch of
paper together to make one long scroll. It’s filled with
writing.

DIVINE G (CONT’D)
Then you write. Write all your
scenes without punctuation. In one
long sentence. Write your lines and
write your scene partners’ lines.
It’s a mess but trust me.
(moving down the scroll)
Then, a week later, start taking it
down in blocks. Then scenes. Pretty
soon you’re running the whole thing
in your head. Then out loud. And
then... Only then can you really
start to play with it. Then you can
be present in the moment.

Divine Eye looks lost.

DIVINE G (CONT’D)
The point is to make it digestible.
You do it the same way you eat an
elephant. One bite at a time.
Here...

Divine Eye pulls another roll of paper from his stack of
things. He gives it to Divine Eye.

DIVINE G (CONT’D)
Made one for you.

DIVINE EYE
Thanks. What are those big ones?

DIVINE G
Ah these...

Divine G rolls five posters out. Bigger than the rolls of
paper, each intricately covered in writing. Divine Eye leans
over the table trying to make sense of the maze.

DIVINE G (CONT’D)
My lists. Got one for the day. One
for the week. The month. The year.
Five years...
DIVINE EYE
Bro. I’ve met serial killers that
weren’t this organized.

Divine G laughs.

DIVINE G
Helps me fight the slow time.

Divine Eye looks closer at the lists. We drift closer to the
writing. To a series of legal goals, surrounded by a calendar
date.

DIVINE EYE
What’s that one?

DIVINE G
The most important one. Other than
the play. Got a parole hearing
coming up. A clemency hearing.

Divine Eye thinks.

DIVINE EYE
They say you found a tape. Proving
you’re innocent.

DIVINE G
Took me ten years. But yes.

DIVINE EYE
Well then you got the golden goose.
I don’t even have to say good luck.

DIVINE G
We’ll see... Do you feel prepared
for your date?

Divine Eye is quiet.

DIVINE G (CONT’D)
I saw the docket. I don’t want to
get in your business, but to be
successful you have to--

DIVINE EYE
(quick)
I’m good man. I’ve gotta take care
of some business. Thanks for the
help.

Divine Eye starts to leave.
DIVINE G
Hey.

Divine Eye stops.

DIVINE G (CONT’D)
(holds out the paper)
Forgot this.

Divine Eye thanks him, takes the paper and leaves.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary In the rec room, Divine G mentors Divine Eye, emphasizing the importance of understanding lines before memorization. He shares his unique writing method and reveals his organizational skills, including a list for his parole hearing. While Divine Eye appreciates the help, he grapples with his own challenges, leaving the conversation with a mix of gratitude and uncertainty.
Strengths
  • Informative dialogue
  • Character development
  • Emotional depth
Weaknesses
  • Lack of external conflict
  • Limited action

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene is well-crafted, providing valuable insight into the characters' motivations and struggles while maintaining a serious and reflective tone. The interaction between Divine G and Divine Eye is engaging and informative, adding depth to their relationship and individual journeys.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the scene revolves around preparation, organization, and personal goals. It effectively conveys the importance of these elements in a prison setting, adding depth to the characters' motivations and struggles.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene focuses on Divine G providing guidance to Divine Eye and revealing personal goals. It moves the story forward by delving into the characters' inner struggles and motivations, setting the stage for future developments.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh perspective on the process of memorizing lines and preparing for a performance, with unique techniques and insights that add depth to the characters and their motivations.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters of Divine G and Divine Eye are well-developed in this scene, with clear personalities and motivations. Their interactions are engaging and reveal layers of depth, making them relatable and compelling.

Character Changes: 6

Divine Eye shows signs of growth and development in the scene as he receives guidance from Divine G and begins to understand the importance of preparation and organization. Divine G's personal struggles and goals also add layers to his character, showcasing his complexity.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to impart his wisdom and experience to Divine Eye, helping him understand the importance of preparation and dedication in acting. This reflects Divine G's desire to mentor and guide others in the industry.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to help Divine Eye prepare for his upcoming performance and parole hearing. This reflects the immediate challenge Divine G is facing in balancing his own career with his legal issues.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 3

The conflict in the scene is minimal, focusing more on personal struggles and goals rather than external conflicts. The tension arises from the characters' inner challenges and the obstacles they face in achieving their goals.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting values and beliefs between Divine G and Divine Eye creating tension and drama. The audience is left wondering how these conflicts will be resolved.

High Stakes: 5

The stakes in the scene are moderate, focusing more on personal goals and struggles rather than high-stakes conflicts. The importance of preparation and organization in a prison setting adds depth to the characters' journeys, setting the stage for future developments.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by delving into the characters' inner struggles and motivations, setting the stage for future developments. It provides valuable insight into the characters' journeys and personal goals, driving the narrative forward.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists in Divine G's advice and the revelation of his legal troubles. The audience is kept on their toes, unsure of how the characters' actions will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the importance of preparation and dedication in achieving success. Divine G's meticulous approach contrasts with Divine Eye's more casual attitude, highlighting the different values and beliefs they hold.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene has a moderate emotional impact, with moments of reflection and personal revelation adding depth to the characters. The interactions between Divine G and Divine Eye evoke empathy and understanding, engaging the audience on an emotional level.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue in the scene is informative, supportive, and reflective, adding depth to the characters' interactions. It effectively conveys the themes of preparation, organization, and personal goals, driving the narrative forward.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the dynamic interaction between the characters, the practical advice on acting, and the underlying tension of Divine G's legal issues. The dialogue is sharp and insightful, drawing the audience into the characters' world.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and emotional depth, with a balance of dialogue and action that keeps the audience engaged. The rhythm of the scene contributes to its overall effectiveness.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character actions that enhance the visual and emotional impact of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure, with a focus on dialogue and character interaction that drives the narrative forward. The pacing and rhythm are effective in building tension and emotional depth.


Critique
  • The scene effectively showcases Divine G's methodical approach to memorizing lines and preparing for a performance, which contrasts with Divine Eye's more chaotic demeanor. This dynamic highlights their differing personalities and backgrounds, adding depth to their relationship.
  • The dialogue is informative and serves to illustrate Divine G's character as organized and dedicated, while Divine Eye's reactions provide a glimpse into his struggles with the process. However, the exposition could be more engaging; it feels somewhat didactic at times, which may detract from the emotional stakes of the scene.
  • Divine G's metaphor of eating an elephant is a strong visual, but it could be enhanced by incorporating more sensory details or personal anecdotes that resonate with Divine Eye's experiences. This would create a stronger emotional connection and make the advice feel more relatable.
  • The transition from discussing the script to the lists feels a bit abrupt. While it serves to show Divine G's organizational skills, it could benefit from a smoother segue that ties the two elements together more cohesively.
  • Divine Eye's quick dismissal of Divine G's probing about his own preparations feels slightly rushed. Expanding on this moment could add tension and depth, allowing the audience to feel the weight of Divine Eye's situation more acutely.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more emotional stakes to Divine G's advice. Perhaps he could share a personal story about a time he struggled with memorization or faced a significant challenge, making his advice feel more grounded and relatable.
  • Enhance the dialogue by incorporating more subtext. For example, when Divine Eye brushes off Divine G's concern about his preparations, allow for a moment of hesitation or vulnerability that reveals his internal conflict.
  • Introduce a visual element that symbolizes Divine Eye's struggle, such as a cluttered workspace or a specific item that represents his chaotic life. This could serve as a contrast to Divine G's organized approach and deepen the thematic resonance.
  • Consider breaking up the exposition with action or physicality. For instance, as Divine G explains his methods, he could be actively organizing or rearranging items on the table, which would keep the scene visually dynamic and engaging.
  • Explore the emotional weight of the parole hearing more deeply. Perhaps Divine G could express his own fears or hopes regarding his hearing, creating a parallel between their situations and enhancing the emotional stakes of the scene.



Scene 28 -  Theatrical Deaths: A Comedic 'Die Off'
INT. THEATER - ANOTHER DAY

ONSTAGE, the actor playing ALOTINCOMMON is walking through
the MEDIEVAL ENGLAND set. A PEASANT appears, says a joke, and
DIES.

More peasants appear and as soon as they see the dead peasant
they die too.

Brent hops onstage.

BRENT
OK OK OK. Umm... We’re too
restrained. Too stiff. This is
supposed to fly off the rails.

He thinks.

BRENT (CONT’D)
Everyone on stage.
(sees hesitation)
Let’s go. Everyone.

The cast steps up on stage, Divine G bringing up the rear.

BRENT (CONT’D)
Pair up. We’re going to do a little
exercise.

As Divine G finally gets to stage, only one other person
doesn’t have a partner: Divine Eye.

Divine G ambles over to him. Without saying a word they agree
to PAIR UP.

BRENT (CONT’D)
OK. I want you to die for each
other. There’s no right way, no
wrong way, anyway you want, the
only rule is... you have to make
your partner laugh. Let’s go.
Some of them start dying immediately. Others are less sure.

BRENT (CONT’D)
Don’t overthink it, just follow
your instincts!

Divine Eye and Divine G stand there a moment awkwardly.

DIVINE G
You want to go first?

DIVINE EYE
Nah, let’s see the pro in action.

Divine G nods. Seems to be thinking. Then suddenly he FREEZES
IN FAUX PAIN, he dies magnificently over-the-top like a
Victorian stage actor.

He falls to his knees and slumps.

When he looks up, Divine Eye is smiling.

DIVINE G
Not bad, huh?

DIVINE EYE
You know when somebody tells a joke
so bad, that you have to laugh at
just how bad it is?

DIVINE G
Oh come on. I threw a little
Laurence Olivier in there.

DIVINE EYE
I never met him. Where’s he doing
his bid?

DIVINE G
OK smartass, show me how it’s done
then.

DIVINE EYE
Alright then, I just have to--

Divine Eye starts choking, gasping for air but none comes.
It’s hyper-realistic, veins popping out on his neck. Not
funny at all.

Then he lets out a long fart and starts laughing
hysterically.

Divine G can’t help but crack up.
DIVINE EYE (CONT’D)
Got you!

DIVINE G
You can’t use props though, that’s
cheating.

DIVINE EYE
I didn’t hear Brent say that in the
rules. Hey Brent! Did you say
anything about props?

BRENT
(across the room)
What?!

DIVINE G
Nevermind that. You can cheat.
Check this.

Divine G starts miming. It’s flawless. He’s pulling a rope,
hoisting a piano high into the air. Then something catches
his eye. He watches a passersby, waves, and the piano falls
and crushes him dead.

Divine Eye laughs.

DIVINE G (CONT’D)
Ah hah!

DIVINE EYE
I’ll give you that one. Reminded me
of my corny uncle.

DIVINE G
Nuh uh. You’re just playing it
cool. You loved it.

DIVINE EYE
Whatever. But do you know how to
die like this--

Divine Eye stabs an imaginary blade into Divine G’s belly.
Divine G dies spectacularly.

Then Divine G, from the ground, pulls the pin from an
imaginary grenade and it explodes at Divine Eye’s feet.
Divine Eye flies off his feet.

We move back now and watch the whole company try to one-up
each other in a “die off”. Noble deaths. Vengeful deaths.
Cowardly deaths. Playing like kids.
Genres: ["Comedy","Drama"]

Summary During a rehearsal in a Medieval England theater, the cast is encouraged by director Brent to embrace humor through a creative exercise where they must make each other laugh by dying in exaggerated ways. Divine G and Divine Eye engage in a playful competition, showcasing their comedic talents with dramatic and unexpected deaths. As the cast loosens up, they participate in a lively 'die off', filled with laughter and camaraderie, transforming initial hesitation into a joyful atmosphere.
Strengths
  • Humorous dialogue
  • Camaraderie between characters
  • Creative exercise
Weaknesses
  • Limited plot progression
  • Low conflict level

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively combines humor, camaraderie, and character interaction to create an engaging and entertaining moment. The comedic elements are well-executed, and the scene adds depth to the characters' relationships.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the 'die off' exercise is creative and adds a unique twist to the rehearsal process. It allows for character development, humor, and interaction in a lighthearted manner.

Plot: 7.5

While the scene doesn't significantly advance the main plot, it serves as a moment of character bonding and development. The playful exercise adds depth to the relationships between the characters.

Originality: 9

The scene demonstrates a high level of originality through its fresh approach to the rehearsal setting, the unconventional exercise introduced by the protagonist, and the playful interactions between the characters. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The scene effectively showcases the characters' personalities, humor, and camaraderie through their interactions during the 'die off' exercise. It allows for individual moments of expression and connection.

Character Changes: 6

While there are no significant character changes in the scene, it allows for moments of individual expression and camaraderie among the characters.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to break free from restraint and stiffness in the performance. This reflects their deeper desire for creativity, spontaneity, and authenticity in their acting.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to lead the cast in a new exercise to improve their performance. This reflects the immediate challenge of engaging the cast and pushing them out of their comfort zones.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 5

The scene has a low level of conflict, focusing more on humor and camaraderie than intense dramatic tension.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create tension and challenge the characters, but not overwhelming. The characters face obstacles in the form of creative challenges and unexpected twists, adding depth to the scene.

High Stakes: 4

The scene has low stakes, focusing more on humor and character dynamics than on high-stakes conflict or drama.

Story Forward: 6

The scene does not significantly move the main story forward but provides a moment of character development and interaction.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists and turns in the characters' performances during the exercise. The audience is kept on their toes as they watch the characters try to outdo each other in creative and humorous ways.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the tension between following rules and breaking free from constraints. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs about traditional acting methods and encourages them to explore new approaches.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7.5

The scene elicits a light-hearted and positive emotional response from the audience, primarily through humor and character interaction.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue in the scene is witty, humorous, and engaging. It captures the playful banter and camaraderie between the characters as they participate in the exercise.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its humor, creativity, and lively interactions between the characters. The unconventional exercise introduced by the protagonist adds a sense of unpredictability and excitement to the scene, keeping the audience interested and entertained.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by maintaining a lively and energetic rhythm. The dialogue and action flow smoothly, keeping the audience engaged and entertained throughout.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene follows the expected format for a theater setting, with clear stage directions and character dialogue. The scene is well-organized and easy to follow, enhancing the reader's understanding of the action.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for a rehearsal scene in a screenplay, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm of the scene contribute to its effectiveness by maintaining a lively and engaging tone.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the playful and comedic spirit of the theater group, showcasing the camaraderie between Divine G and Divine Eye. The dialogue flows naturally, and the humor is well-timed, particularly in the exchanges about dying dramatically and the use of props.
  • The contrast between Divine G's theatricality and Divine Eye's more spontaneous, humorous approach to dying adds depth to their characters. Divine G's attempt at a dramatic death reflects his experience and confidence, while Divine Eye's comedic timing and unexpected fart moment highlight his playful nature.
  • However, the scene could benefit from a clearer structure. While the 'die off' concept is fun, it may feel a bit chaotic without a defined progression. Establishing a more distinct rhythm or flow to the competition could enhance the comedic impact and keep the audience engaged.
  • The introduction of Brent as a guiding figure is effective, but his role could be expanded to provide more context or stakes for the exercise. Perhaps he could express a specific goal for the exercise, such as improving their improvisational skills or breaking down barriers, which would give the scene more purpose.
  • The humor, while entertaining, occasionally risks overshadowing the emotional undertones of the characters' situations. Balancing the comedic elements with moments of genuine connection or reflection could deepen the audience's investment in Divine G and Divine Eye's journey.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment where Brent explains the purpose of the exercise, emphasizing its importance for their growth as actors and individuals. This could help ground the scene and give the characters a clearer objective.
  • Introduce a few more character reactions to the 'die off' to showcase the diversity of humor within the group. This could include different styles of dying or unique character traits that come into play during the exercise.
  • Incorporate a moment of vulnerability or reflection between Divine G and Divine Eye amidst the humor. This could be a quick exchange that reminds the audience of their struggles, adding depth to the comedic scene.
  • To enhance the pacing, consider breaking the scene into smaller beats, allowing for pauses between the comedic moments. This would give the audience time to react and build anticipation for the next joke or death.
  • Finally, ensure that the humor remains accessible to the audience by avoiding overly niche references. While the characters' banter is entertaining, keeping it relatable will help maintain engagement throughout the scene.



Scene 29 -  Claiming the Stage
INT. THEATER - LATER

Divine Eye finishes his monologue but it lands flat, lacking
conviction. Brent watches him.

BRENT
Want to try it again?

DIVINE EYE
Why? Did I do something wrong?

BRENT
Let’s just try something.

DIVINE EYE
Long as you don’t say anything
about eating any fucking elephants.

BRENT
I don’t know what that means, but I
won’t... OK. Let’s start at the
beginning.

DIVINE EYE
With my first line?

BRENT
No no no. To before you even walk
onstage. Go to the wing, then step
into the scene.

Divine Eye looks around.

BRENT (CONT’D)
Go ahead. Let’s see it.

Divine Eye sighs. Then trudges off. Comes back in and stands
on his mark.

Brent looks confused.

BRENT (CONT’D)
Sorry, did you do it already? I
fell asleep.

The company laughs.

BRENT (CONT’D)
You’re stepping onstage like you
need permission to be here. If you
have that mindset, you can’t flow.
You have to take the stage. Show
the audience it’s time to pay
attention to you.
Divine Eye tries again. It’s a little better.

Divine G steps onstage.

DIVINE G
(to Brent)
May I?
(to Divine Eye)
Think about it this way. The world
out there expects men like you and
me to walk through a door cowering.
To bow our head. To feel like we
don’t belong. But not in here. In
here you’re Divine fucking Eye.

Divine G demonstrates.

DIVINE G (CONT’D)
Walk in big. Like when you step out
into the yard. Say I’m fuckin here.
This is my fucking theater!

Divine G nods to him to try it.

Divine Eye steps off. This time he comes back in big.

DIVINE EYE
I’M FUCKIN HERE.

DIVINE G
THIS IS MY FUCKIN THEATER.

DIVINE EYE
THIS MY FUCKIN THEATER!!

DIVINE G
That’s how you do it. Alright.
Now. Where are you going. How do
you leave the scene. Emotionally...

DIVINE EYE
I’m mad.

DIVINE G
Mad. Why?

DIVINE EYE
Cause Maid Marion left me for him.
I gave her this rock to remember
me. And she threw it out like
garbage.
DIVINE G
But anger. That’s easy. It’s the
easiest thing to play. You go big,
you scream, and wow, he’s angry.

Divine G steps close.

DIVINE G (CONT’D)
You wanna go deeper. Try playing
hurt. Hurt makes you look in. Makes
you name it.

Divine G steps offstage. Divine Eye is lost in thought. His
mind running. Inspired.

BRENT (O.C.)
Let’s run it from the top!

CUT TO:

MONTAGE OF THE PLAY COMING TOGETHER:

Divine G and Divine Eye and other men from the company
rehearse throughout the prison.
Genres: ["Drama","Prison"]

Summary In a theater rehearsal, Divine Eye struggles with self-doubt and performance anxiety. Brent encourages him to adopt a confident presence, while Divine G emphasizes the need for emotional depth beyond anger. After several attempts, Divine Eye finally steps onto the stage with boldness, declaring his presence and claiming the theater as his own. The scene concludes with him feeling inspired to explore the emotional complexities of his character, marking a significant transformation from hesitation to empowerment.
Strengths
  • Strong character development
  • Emotional depth
  • Inspiring theme
Weaknesses
  • Limited external conflict
  • Some dialogue may feel repetitive

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys the theme of confidence and growth through Divine Eye's journey. The dialogue is impactful, and the character interactions are engaging, leading to a compelling and inspiring moment.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of building confidence through acting rehearsals is well-developed and central to the scene. It explores the transformative power of self-expression and the importance of embracing one's identity.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene focuses on Divine Eye's struggle to find his confidence as an actor, with Divine G's guidance playing a crucial role in his development. The progression of Divine Eye's character arc is engaging and meaningful.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh approach to the familiar theme of self-confidence and self-expression through the lens of prison theater. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and original, adding depth to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters of Divine G and Divine Eye are well-defined and dynamic, with clear motivations and growth throughout the scene. Their interactions are authentic and emotionally resonant, driving the narrative forward.

Character Changes: 8

Divine Eye undergoes significant character development in the scene, transitioning from insecurity to confidence with the help of Divine G's guidance. His growth is central to the narrative and drives the emotional core of the scene.

Internal Goal: 8

Divine Eye's internal goal is to gain confidence and assertiveness in his performance. This reflects his deeper need for validation and recognition as an actor.

External Goal: 7.5

The protagonist's external goal is to improve his acting skills and deliver a convincing performance in the play. This reflects the immediate challenge of overcoming his self-doubt and insecurity.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

The conflict in the scene is primarily internal, focusing on Divine Eye's struggle to overcome his insecurities and find his voice as an actor. The tension arises from his journey towards self-acceptance and confidence.

Opposition: 7.5

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to challenge Divine Eye's beliefs and push him out of his comfort zone, creating conflict and growth.

High Stakes: 6

While the stakes are not life-threatening, the emotional stakes are high for Divine Eye as he grapples with his insecurities and the pressure to perform. The scene emphasizes the personal growth and challenges faced by the characters.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by advancing Divine Eye's character arc and highlighting the importance of self-belief in the context of the prison theater program. It sets the stage for future developments and resolutions.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because it subverts expectations by focusing on the characters' emotional journey rather than the outcome of the play rehearsal.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between Divine Eye's initial reluctance and insecurity and Divine G's encouragement to embody confidence and assertiveness. This challenges Divine Eye's beliefs about his own abilities and the expectations placed on him by society.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, as it delves into themes of self-doubt, growth, and empowerment. The audience is likely to resonate with Divine Eye's journey and feel inspired by his transformation.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue in the scene is impactful and serves to deepen the characters' relationships and motivations. It effectively conveys the themes of confidence and self-discovery, adding depth to the narrative.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it captures the audience's attention with its emotional depth, character dynamics, and the progression of Divine Eye's transformation.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and momentum as Divine Eye navigates his internal and external challenges, leading to a satisfying resolution.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene adheres to the standard screenplay format for dialogue, action, and scene transitions, enhancing readability and clarity.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a character development and rehearsal scene in a screenplay, with clear progression and character interactions.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures Divine Eye's struggle with confidence and the importance of presence in performance. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtext to deepen the emotional stakes. For instance, when Divine Eye expresses frustration about his performance, it could be tied to a deeper personal issue, making his struggle more relatable.
  • Brent's character serves as a mentor, but his guidance could be more nuanced. Instead of simply instructing Divine Eye to take the stage, he could share a personal anecdote that illustrates the importance of confidence, adding depth to his role and making the advice feel more earned.
  • The humor in the scene, particularly with the 'eating elephants' line, feels slightly disconnected from the emotional core. While humor can lighten the mood, it should serve to enhance the character's journey rather than distract from it. Consider integrating humor that reflects Divine Eye's character or situation more closely.
  • The transition from Divine Eye's initial struggle to his eventual confidence feels a bit abrupt. A more gradual build-up, perhaps through additional attempts or setbacks, could enhance the emotional payoff when he finally claims the stage. This would allow the audience to feel the weight of his journey more profoundly.
  • The montage at the end is a nice touch, but it could be more visually dynamic. Instead of just showing rehearsals, consider intercutting moments of personal reflection or interactions between characters that highlight their growth and the impact of the theater on their lives.
Suggestions
  • Add layers to Divine Eye's character by incorporating backstory elements that explain his fear of taking the stage. This could be revealed through dialogue or a brief flashback.
  • Enhance Brent's mentorship by including a personal story that illustrates his own struggles with confidence, making his advice resonate more with Divine Eye.
  • Refine the humor in the scene to ensure it aligns with the emotional journey of the characters. Consider using humor that reflects Divine Eye's insecurities or past experiences.
  • Introduce more attempts from Divine Eye before he successfully claims the stage, allowing for a more gradual transformation that the audience can root for.
  • Make the montage more engaging by including varied shots that showcase not only rehearsals but also the characters' interactions and personal growth, emphasizing the transformative power of theater.



Scene 30 -  Rehearsing Resilience
INT. REC ROOM - LATER

The group is rehearsing lines from their play as a group as
camera moves around them.


INT. CELLBLOCK - NIGHT

- Rehearsing between cells after lights out.


INT. MESS HALL - DAY

- Rehearsing across trays at chow.


EXT. WEIGHT POUND - DAY

- Rehearsing between reps at the weight pound.

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary In a montage set within the confines of a prison, Divine G, Divine Eye, and their fellow inmates passionately rehearse their play across various locations, including the rec room, cellblock, mess hall, and weight pound. Despite the challenging environment, the group showcases their adaptability and determination, supporting one another as they practice their lines. The scene emphasizes camaraderie and a shared commitment to their craft, culminating in a visual representation of their resilience and passion for performance.
Strengths
  • Authentic performances
  • Emotional depth
  • Tension-building
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue may feel repetitive
  • Lack of external conflict

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively captures the emotional intensity and challenges faced by the characters during the rehearsal process, creating a tense and reflective atmosphere that keeps the audience engaged.


Story Content

Concept: 8.5

The concept of showcasing the intense rehearsal process within the prison setting is compelling and effectively executed. The scene delves into the challenges faced by the characters as they strive for perfection.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene revolves around the rehearsal process and the struggles faced by the characters, moving the story forward by highlighting the emotional journey of the actors.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh approach to the familiar theme of confinement and creativity, with the characters finding ways to express themselves within their limited environment. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds depth to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed, each facing their own challenges and emotions during the rehearsal. The interactions between the characters add depth and authenticity to the scene.

Character Changes: 8

The characters undergo emotional changes during the scene, facing challenges, receiving encouragement, and reflecting on their journey as actors. These changes add depth to their development.

Internal Goal: 7

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to find a sense of freedom and expression within the constraints of their environment. They may be seeking a way to escape emotionally or mentally from their circumstances.

External Goal: 6

The protagonist's external goal is to successfully rehearse their lines and performance, despite the challenges of their environment and limited resources.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict in the scene arises from the challenges faced by the characters during the rehearsal, including frustrations, tensions, and the desire for perfection. It adds depth to the narrative.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the characters facing challenges and obstacles that test their creativity and resilience.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are moderately high in the scene, as the characters strive for perfection in their performances and face challenges that could impact their artistic journey within the prison setting.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by showcasing the rehearsal process and the emotional journey of the characters. It sets the stage for further character development and plot progression.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because the characters' interactions and reactions to their environment are not always predictable, adding depth to the narrative and character development.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

There is a philosophical conflict between conformity and individuality evident in this scene. The characters must balance following the rules and regulations of their environment with expressing their creativity and personal identity.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking feelings of frustration, encouragement, and reflection in the audience. The struggles and aspirations of the characters resonate on an emotional level.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue effectively conveys the frustrations, encouragement, and tensions among the characters during the rehearsal process. It adds depth to the interactions and emotions portrayed.

Engagement: 8

This scene is engaging because it immerses the audience in the characters' struggles and creative process, building tension and anticipation for their performance.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the characters' struggles and creative process.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear transitions between locations and concise descriptions of the characters' actions.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene effectively conveys the characters' routines and challenges, following a clear progression from one location to another. The formatting enhances the atmosphere of confinement and tension.


Critique
  • The montage format is effective in showcasing the adaptability and determination of the group, but it lacks emotional depth. Each location is presented without much context or character interaction, which could lead to a disconnection for the audience. The scene would benefit from moments that highlight the characters' emotional states or interactions during these rehearsals.
  • The transitions between locations feel abrupt. While montages can be quick-paced, adding brief moments of dialogue or character reactions could create a smoother flow and enhance the audience's connection to the characters' experiences.
  • The visual elements of the scene are somewhat generic. While the settings are relevant to the prison context, they could be more vividly described to evoke a stronger sense of place. For instance, incorporating sensory details about the environment—like the sounds of the mess hall or the atmosphere of the weight pound—could enrich the scene.
  • The scene lacks a clear thematic focus. While it shows the group rehearsing, it doesn't convey a specific message or emotional arc. Establishing a theme or a central conflict that resonates throughout the montage could provide a stronger narrative thread.
  • The pacing of the montage may feel rushed. While it's important to convey the passage of time and the progress of the rehearsals, allowing for moments of pause or reflection could give the audience a chance to absorb the significance of these rehearsals in the characters' lives.
Suggestions
  • Incorporate brief snippets of dialogue or interactions between characters during the rehearsals to add emotional depth and showcase their relationships. This could help the audience connect more with the characters.
  • Consider adding a voiceover or internal monologue from Divine G or Divine Eye that reflects on the significance of these rehearsals, providing insight into their emotional states and the challenges they face.
  • Enhance the visual descriptions of each setting to create a more immersive experience. Use sensory details to evoke the atmosphere of each location, making the audience feel the weight of the prison environment.
  • Establish a thematic focus for the montage, such as the struggle for redemption or the power of creativity in confinement. This could help unify the scenes and give the audience a clearer understanding of the characters' journeys.
  • Allow for moments of pause or reflection within the montage. This could be achieved by interspersing the rehearsals with brief shots of the characters' faces, showing their determination, frustration, or joy, which would add emotional weight to the scene.



Scene 31 -  Rehearsal Ruckus: Props and Perspectives
INT. THEATER - ANOTHER DAY

Brent is fielding a barrage of questions about creative
choices.
DAP
This isn’t an Egyptian headband,
it’s clearly Phoenician.

BRENT
Hmm. We’ll take a look at that.
Check with props.

The actor playing Coal steps up holding his script.

BIG E
Brent. Brocolli? I need a six
shooter. Make it cardboard. Paint
it in crayons. What am I supposed
to do with broccoli? No one’s gonna
buy it.

BRENT
It’s funny. They’re expecting a six-
shooter. Make em expect a six-
shooter. Then give em broccoli.

The actor doesn’t totally buy it. Then the man playing Freddy
Krueger approaches, tense.

JJ
We’ve got a serious issue here. The
RTA principles are not clear in my
character. And if I don’t have a
motivation and a moral, we’ll undo
everything we’ve been fighting for.

MIKE MIKE
You’re Freddy Krueger dude. Your
motivation is slicing people up.

BRENT
The moral is in the mummy.

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Drama","Comedy"]

Summary During a chaotic rehearsal, director Brent faces pushback from his actors regarding their props and character motivations. DAP questions the authenticity of a headband, while BIG E is frustrated with being given broccoli instead of a six-shooter. Brent defends his comedic choice, insisting on the humor of subverting expectations. JJ, portraying Freddy Krueger, raises concerns about his character's moral grounding, only to be reminded by MIKE MIKE of his role as a slasher. The scene highlights the absurdities of the rehearsal process, ending with Brent suggesting that the moral of the story lies with the mummy, leaving the actors perplexed.
Strengths
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Character dynamics
  • Blend of tension and humor
Weaknesses
  • Some stumbling blocks in execution
  • Minor inconsistencies in character motivations

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 7.5

The scene effectively balances tension and humor, providing insight into the complexities of staging a play in a unique environment. The dialogue is engaging, and the character dynamics add depth to the overall narrative.


Story Content

Concept: 7.5

The concept of staging a play within a prison setting is intriguing and adds depth to the narrative. The scene explores themes of creativity, collaboration, and the transformative power of art.

Plot: 7.2

The plot of the scene revolves around the challenges faced during a theater rehearsal, emphasizing the importance of understanding characters and creative choices. It moves the story forward by showcasing the progress and setbacks of the production.

Originality: 8

The scene offers a fresh take on the challenges of theater production, with unique character dynamics and conflicts that feel authentic and engaging.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters in the scene are well-developed, each with distinct personalities and motivations. Their interactions provide insight into their struggles and aspirations, adding depth to the overall narrative.

Character Changes: 8

The scene showcases subtle character changes, particularly in Divine Eye's journey to overcome his struggles and gain confidence in his performance. The interactions between characters reveal growth and development throughout the rehearsal process.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to maintain control and authority over the actors while addressing their concerns and questions. This reflects their need for respect and validation in their role as a director.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to ensure the success of the play by addressing the actors' concerns and maintaining the integrity of the production. This reflects the immediate challenge of managing a difficult cast and ensuring a cohesive performance.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7.5

The scene contains a moderate level of conflict, primarily revolving around the challenges faced during the theater rehearsal. Tensions arise from creative differences and personal struggles, adding depth to the narrative.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with characters challenging the protagonist's decisions and creating obstacles that drive the conflict forward.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are moderately high in the scene, as the success of the theater production represents a significant achievement for the characters within the confines of the prison. The challenges they face reflect their personal growth and determination.

Story Forward: 8

The scene effectively moves the story forward by highlighting the progress and setbacks of the theater production. It sets up future conflicts and resolutions while deepening the audience's understanding of the characters and their motivations.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected challenges and conflicts that arise between the characters, keeping the audience on their toes.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the balance between artistic vision and practicality. The actors challenge the director's creative choices, highlighting the tension between artistic expression and audience expectations.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7.2

The scene has a moderate emotional impact, capturing the frustrations and aspirations of the characters as they navigate the challenges of staging a play. The interactions and performances evoke empathy and engagement from the audience.

Dialogue: 7.8

The dialogue in the scene is engaging and realistic, capturing the tensions and humor of a theater rehearsal. It effectively conveys the emotions and conflicts faced by the characters.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its dynamic dialogue, humor, and tension between characters, keeping the audience invested in the conflicts and resolutions.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is fast-paced and dynamic, capturing the urgency and tension of the characters' interactions and conflicts.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene adheres to the expected format for a screenplay, with clear dialogue and scene descriptions that enhance the visual storytelling.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a structured format that effectively conveys the dynamics of a theater production and the conflicts between characters.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the chaotic and humorous atmosphere of a theater rehearsal, showcasing the actors' frustrations and the director's attempts to maintain control. However, the dialogue could benefit from more distinct character voices to enhance individuality and make each actor's concerns feel more personal.
  • Brent's responses to the actors' concerns are somewhat dismissive, which could be perceived as undermining their creative input. While this may be intentional to highlight his directorial style, it risks alienating the audience from Brent as a character. A more collaborative approach could make him more relatable.
  • The humor in the scene, particularly with the broccoli prop, is a strong point, but it could be enhanced by adding more physical comedy or visual gags that complement the dialogue. This would create a more dynamic and engaging experience for the audience.
  • The transition from DAP's question to BIG E's complaint feels abrupt. A smoother transition could help maintain the flow of the scene and keep the audience engaged. Consider adding a brief reaction from Brent or a comment from another character to bridge the two moments.
  • The scene ends rather abruptly with Brent's line about the moral being in the mummy. This could leave the audience feeling unsatisfied. A stronger closing line or a moment of reflection from one of the characters could provide a more impactful conclusion.
Suggestions
  • Consider giving each character a unique way of expressing their frustrations or humor, which will help differentiate them and make the dialogue more engaging.
  • Explore the possibility of Brent acknowledging the actors' concerns more seriously, perhaps by offering a compromise or a moment of vulnerability that shows he values their input.
  • Incorporate physical actions or reactions from the actors as they express their frustrations, which can add a layer of visual humor and enhance the comedic tone of the scene.
  • Add a transitional line or moment that connects DAP's and BIG E's concerns, perhaps through a shared reaction or a comment from another character that highlights the absurdity of the situation.
  • Consider revising the final line to include a character's reaction or a humorous callback to the earlier dialogue, creating a more satisfying and cohesive ending to the scene.



Scene 32 -  Adjusting the Spotlight
INT. THEATER / ONSTAGE

One of the stage crew is on ladder rigging a light. Divine
Eye below him standing on his mark.

The stage crew turns it on, but the spot is off by a foot.

STAGE CREW (O.S.)
Can you skooch a tad to the right,
Eye?
DIVINE EYE
I’m on my mark. Why don’t you
skooch your fuckin light?

The stage crew looks to Brent.

BRENT
We can move the mark a little.

Divine Eye is silent a moment, like he might fight it.

DIVINE EYE
Alright, let’s move the mark.


INT. HALLWAY OUTSIDE THEATER - ANOTHER DAY

Brent is with Divine G, Mike Mike and a few other men. He
speaks to them quietly.

BRENT
The Superintendent has some big
money out in the seats. Money that
can buy us curtains. We need to
melt their faces off with this
fight scene.

MIKE MIKE
We got this.

BRENT
Make it savage.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary In this tense theater scene, Divine Eye stands firm on his mark as a stage crew member struggles to align the spotlight. Frustrated by the request to move, Divine Eye insists he is already in position, prompting director Brent to mediate and suggest a slight adjustment. Reluctantly, Divine Eye agrees. The scene shifts to a hallway where Brent emphasizes the need for a powerful fight scene to impress a wealthy Superintendent, with Mike Mike expressing confidence in their ability to deliver an intense performance.
Strengths
  • Effective tension-building
  • Clear conflict establishment
  • Character dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Limited character interaction
  • Lack of resolution in the scene

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.2

The scene effectively conveys the tension and frustration felt by Divine Eye and the stage crew, setting up a conflict that adds depth to the overall narrative.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the scene revolves around the technical challenges of staging a play, highlighting the importance of teamwork and communication in a creative environment.

Plot: 8

The plot progression in the scene focuses on the conflict between Divine Eye and the stage crew, setting up potential obstacles for the characters to overcome in future rehearsals.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh perspective on the theater world, showcasing the tensions and power dynamics behind the scenes. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and contribute to the authenticity of the setting.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The scene delves into the characters' personalities and motivations, particularly Divine Eye's assertiveness and the stage crew's professionalism. It sets the stage for character development and conflict resolution.

Character Changes: 8

Divine Eye's assertiveness and willingness to stand his ground in the face of adversity showcase a potential character growth arc as he learns to navigate conflicts in the rehearsal process.

Internal Goal: 8

Divine Eye's internal goal is to maintain his integrity and professionalism while dealing with the challenges presented by the stage crew. This reflects his desire to uphold his reputation and standards in the theater.

External Goal: 9

The protagonist's external goal is to impress the Superintendent with the fight scene and secure funding for curtains. This reflects the immediate challenge of meeting the expectations of the audience and securing resources for the theater.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8.5

The conflict between Divine Eye and the stage crew drives the scene forward, creating a sense of urgency and drama.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting goals and power dynamics creating obstacles for the characters to overcome. The audience is left unsure of how the situation will resolve.

High Stakes: 8

The high stakes in the scene revolve around the success of the play and the need for the characters to work together to overcome obstacles and challenges.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing a key conflict and setting the stage for future developments in the rehearsal process.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the power struggles and unexpected decisions made by the characters, keeping the audience on their toes.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between artistic integrity and practical considerations. Divine Eye's desire to stay on his mark clashes with the crew's need to adjust for technical issues, highlighting the tension between artistic vision and logistical constraints.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes emotions of frustration and determination, drawing the audience into the characters' struggles and challenges.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the tension and frustration between Divine Eye and the stage crew, adding depth to their interactions.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the high stakes, interpersonal conflicts, and the sense of urgency in preparing for the fight scene. The dialogue and character dynamics draw the audience in and create tension.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and maintaining the audience's interest, with a balance of dialogue and action that keeps the scene moving forward.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and easy to follow, with distinct scene headings and dialogue formatting that adheres to industry standards.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a behind-the-scenes drama in a theater setting, with clear character motivations and conflict driving the action.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the tension between Divine Eye and the stage crew, showcasing his frustration and assertiveness. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtext to deepen the conflict. Divine Eye's initial retort feels a bit one-dimensional; adding a layer of vulnerability or a hint of insecurity could make his character more relatable.
  • Brent's intervention is a good narrative device to resolve the conflict, but it feels somewhat abrupt. It might be more impactful if Brent's character displayed a bit more authority or charisma in convincing Divine Eye to move. This would reinforce Brent's role as a leader and mediator within the group.
  • The transition between the two settings (the stage and the hallway) is clear, but the connection between Divine Eye's struggle with the light and the subsequent conversation about the fight scene could be strengthened. A thematic link between the two scenes—perhaps emphasizing the importance of precision in both lighting and performance—could enhance the narrative flow.
  • The dialogue in the hallway is functional but lacks a sense of urgency or excitement. Given that they are preparing for a performance that could lead to significant opportunities, the stakes should feel higher. Infusing the dialogue with more passion or urgency could elevate the scene.
  • The use of 'skoochoo' as a term is humorous and fits the tone, but it might come off as too casual for the context. Consider using a term that reflects the seriousness of the situation while still allowing for some levity.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment where Divine Eye reflects on why he feels so strongly about being on his mark. This could provide insight into his character and make the audience empathize with his frustration.
  • Enhance Brent's character by giving him a more dynamic response to Divine Eye's initial pushback. Perhaps he could share a personal anecdote or a motivational line that resonates with the group, reinforcing his role as a leader.
  • To create a stronger thematic connection, you could have Brent reference the importance of precision in both lighting and performance, drawing a parallel between the two scenes.
  • Infuse the hallway dialogue with more energy and urgency. Perhaps have Brent express the stakes more dramatically, emphasizing what is at risk if they don't impress the Superintendent.
  • Consider refining the language used in the dialogue to balance humor with the seriousness of the situation. This could involve using more grounded language while still allowing for moments of levity.



Scene 33 -  Theatrical Tension and Triumph
INT. THEATER / ONSTAGE - MOMENTS LATER

They jog onstage to find the Superintendent with WOMEN FROM A
LOCAL CHURCH.

Brent looks to the men. Too late to back out.

Divine G and Mike Mike engage in mortal gladiatorial combat,
moving in slow motion. Stabbing each other with fake swords.
Brent glancing nervously between the women and the scene
unfolding.

They finish and bow to polite clapping from their guests. The
Superintendent walks the women out.

BRENT
Don’t worry guys. We can figure it
out without curtains.

Moments later, The Superintendent returns, shaking his head.
SUPERINTENDENT
I can’t believe you chose that
scene. But... they loved it.
Genres: ["Drama","Comedy"]

Summary Onstage in a theater, Brent, Divine G, and Mike Mike perform a slow-motion mock battle with fake swords, despite Brent's anxiety about the appropriateness of their act in front of local church women. The performance, filled with exaggerated movements, culminates in polite applause. Initially shocked, the Superintendent ultimately reveals that the audience enjoyed the scene, resolving Brent's worries and highlighting the comedic relief of the moment.
Strengths
  • Effective combination of tension and humor
  • Realistic portrayal of inmate theatrical performance
  • Dynamic character interactions
Weaknesses
  • Low external conflict level
  • Limited character development within the scene

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively combines tension, humor, and relief, creating a dynamic and engaging moment. The unexpected positive feedback from the guests adds depth to the inmates' performance, enhancing the overall impact of the scene.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of inmates performing a theatrical scene for visitors from a local church is unique and engaging. It highlights the inmates' creativity and talent while exploring themes of redemption and the transformative power of art.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene revolves around the inmates' performance of a gladiatorial combat scene for the visiting group of women, adding a layer of tension and humor to the overall narrative. It moves the story forward by showcasing the inmates' theatrical abilities and their interactions with external characters.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh approach to a familiar situation by incorporating elements of performance and social interaction within a theater setting. The characters' dialogue feels authentic and relatable.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters in the scene, particularly Divine G, Mike Mike, and Brent, are well-developed and showcase a range of emotions from nervousness to relief. Their interactions with each other and the visiting group of women add depth to their personalities and motivations.

Character Changes: 7

While there are subtle changes in the characters' emotions and motivations throughout the scene, the most significant transformation occurs in their confidence and ability to perform under pressure. The positive feedback from the guests reinforces this growth.

Internal Goal: 8

Brent's internal goal in this scene is to maintain composure and confidence in front of the women from the local church despite feeling nervous and unsure.

External Goal: 7

Brent's external goal is to successfully navigate the performance and interaction with the Superintendent and the women from the local church.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict in the scene is primarily internal, as the inmates navigate their nervousness and uncertainty about performing for the visiting group of women. The tension between the characters adds depth to the scene and drives the narrative forward.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create conflict and challenge the characters' goals, adding depth to the narrative.

High Stakes: 6

The stakes in the scene are relatively low, focusing more on the inmates' performance for the visiting group of women and their internal struggles with nervousness and uncertainty. However, the positive feedback from the guests adds a layer of importance to the outcome.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by showcasing the inmates' theatrical abilities and their interactions with external characters. It adds depth to the narrative and sets the stage for further development of the characters and plot.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected reactions from the Superintendent and the women from the local church, adding a layer of uncertainty to the characters' interactions.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

There is a philosophical conflict between the characters' desire to impress the women from the local church with their performance and the Superintendent's disapproval of their scene choice.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene has a strong emotional impact, eliciting feelings of tension, humor, and relief from the audience. The characters' reactions and interactions with each other and the visiting group of women create a sense of authenticity and vulnerability.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the tension, humor, and relief experienced by the characters. It showcases their personalities and motivations while moving the plot forward through interactions and reactions.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the mix of humor, tension, and relatable character interactions that keep the audience invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by balancing moments of tension with comedic relief, keeping the audience engaged throughout.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene adheres to the expected format for a screenplay, with proper scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for a comedic screenplay, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the tension and humor of performing in front of an audience that includes authority figures, which adds stakes to the performance. However, the transition from the rehearsal to the performance could be more seamless. The audience's reaction is polite but lacks the enthusiasm that might be expected after a gladiatorial combat scene, which could undermine the impact of the performance.
  • Brent's nervousness is palpable, but it could be further emphasized through his physical actions or internal thoughts. This would help the audience connect with his character's anxiety and the pressure of the situation. Additionally, the dialogue could benefit from more subtext; Brent's reassurance to the cast feels somewhat flat and could be enriched with more emotional weight or humor.
  • The slow-motion combat is a creative choice that adds a layer of absurdity, but it may also detract from the urgency and excitement of the scene. Consider whether the slow-motion effect serves the narrative or if a more dynamic portrayal of the combat would better engage the audience.
  • The Superintendent's reaction is a nice twist, but it could be more impactful if it included a brief moment of reflection on why the scene was surprising to him. This could provide insight into his character and the expectations he holds for the inmates' performances.
  • The scene ends abruptly after the Superintendent's comment, which could leave the audience wanting more. A brief follow-up moment, perhaps a humorous exchange between the cast members about the performance or Brent's relief, could provide a more satisfying conclusion.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment of rehearsal dialogue before the performance to build anticipation and showcase the characters' camaraderie and nerves.
  • Enhance Brent's character by incorporating more physicality or internal monologue that reflects his anxiety about the performance, making his reactions more relatable.
  • Reevaluate the use of slow motion in the combat scene; if it is meant to be humorous, ensure that the choreography and timing enhance the comedic effect rather than detract from the action.
  • Expand on the Superintendent's reaction to the performance by including a line that reflects his surprise or confusion, which could add depth to his character and the scene.
  • Add a closing moment that allows the characters to react to the performance, whether through humor, relief, or camaraderie, to provide a more rounded conclusion to the scene.



Scene 34 -  Theater of Identity
INT. THEATER - ANOTHER DAY

Lunch is brought to the theater so the men can keep
rehearsing.

Divine Eye and Divine G are off to the side in their own row.

Divine Eye is pushing the sad looking meal around with his
fork.

DIVINE G
Need a line reading?

DIVINE EYE
Huh?

DIVINE G
Nothing. Bad joke. You OK?

Divine Eye looks for how to say it.

DIVINE EYE
It’s just, Hamlet bro. That
soliloquy.
(looks for the words)
My slings and arrows are on the
inside. And all this make believe
ain’t gonna change that. If they
stamp my ticket and crack those
gates... I’m still a fucking
gangster. Jail house college
doesn’t change that. Theater ain’t
gonna change it. It’s my destiny.
It was always waiting for me. It’s
like Hamlet, all he wants is Maid
Marion and he’s going to try and
take on the whole Roman Empire, but
to what end?

Divine G looks confused a moment.

DIVINE G
I forget how different this version
of Hamlet is. But listen. That’s
not what I see. You’re an artist.
You always have been.
(MORE)
DIVINE G (CONT’D)
This isn’t turning you into
something else, it’s revealing the
parts of you that have been hidden.
Let it. Let it strip all that other
shit away.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary During a rehearsal in the theater, lunch is delivered as Divine Eye expresses his despair, likening his struggles to those of Hamlet and feeling trapped by his gangster identity. Divine G listens and encourages him, suggesting that the theater reveals his true artistic self rather than changing him. The scene captures Divine Eye's internal conflict and dissatisfaction, symbolized by his sad meal, while Divine G's support offers a glimmer of hope for embracing his artistic potential.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
  • Supportive relationship between Divine Eye and Divine G
Weaknesses
  • Limited external conflict
  • Slow pacing in some parts

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively explores Divine Eye's internal struggle and the role of art in his life, with strong character development and emotional depth.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of revealing the hidden artist within Divine Eye is compelling and well-developed. The scene effectively explores themes of identity, transformation, and the power of art.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene focuses on Divine Eye's internal conflict and his journey towards embracing his artistic side. It moves the character arcs forward and adds depth to the overall story.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh perspective on the theme of identity and self-discovery, blending elements of gangster culture with artistic expression. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and original.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters of Divine Eye and Divine G are well-developed and complex, with their interactions revealing layers of emotion and depth. The scene highlights their relationship and individual struggles effectively.

Character Changes: 8

Divine Eye undergoes a significant emotional change in the scene, moving towards accepting his artistic side and letting go of his past identity. The scene marks a pivotal moment in his character development.

Internal Goal: 8

Divine Eye's internal goal is to come to terms with his identity and reconcile his past with his present. He is struggling with the idea of being a gangster and an artist at the same time.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to find his place in the world and understand his role in the theater production.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

The conflict in the scene is primarily internal, as Divine Eye struggles with his identity and purpose. The tension comes from his inner turmoil rather than external factors.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting beliefs and values between the characters creating tension and drama.

High Stakes: 6

The stakes in the scene are primarily emotional, as Divine Eye grapples with his identity and future. The outcome of his internal struggle has significant implications for his character growth.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by deepening the character arcs of Divine Eye and Divine G, providing insight into their inner worlds and setting the stage for further development.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists in the characters' dialogue and the revelation of their inner conflicts.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between Divine Eye's perception of himself as a gangster and Divine G's belief in his artistic potential. This challenges Divine Eye's worldview and self-perception.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, as it delves into Divine Eye's inner conflict and the supportive relationship with Divine G. The audience is likely to empathize with the characters' struggles and growth.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue in the scene is poignant and reflective, capturing the inner thoughts and emotions of the characters. It enhances the character development and adds depth to the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the emotional depth and philosophical musings of the characters. The dialogue is thought-provoking and draws the audience into the characters' inner struggles.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and emotional depth, allowing the characters' dialogue to unfold naturally and reveal their inner thoughts.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a dialogue-heavy scene in a screenplay, with clear character cues and scene descriptions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a character-driven drama, with a focus on internal conflicts and emotional depth.


Critique
  • The dialogue between Divine G and Divine Eye effectively captures the emotional weight of Divine Eye's struggle with his identity and the limitations he feels due to his past. However, the reference to Hamlet could be more explicitly tied to Divine Eye's personal journey to enhance clarity for the audience.
  • Divine Eye's metaphor about Hamlet and the Roman Empire is intriguing but may come off as convoluted. The connection between his feelings of being a gangster and Hamlet's struggles could be made clearer to strengthen the thematic resonance.
  • Divine G's response is supportive, but it feels somewhat generic. While he encourages Divine Eye to embrace his artistic side, the dialogue could benefit from more specificity about how Divine Eye's experiences can inform his art, making the encouragement feel more personal and impactful.
  • The scene's pacing is slightly uneven. Divine Eye's introspection is powerful, but it could be balanced with Divine G's reactions to maintain engagement. Consider interspersing Divine G's responses more frequently to create a dynamic back-and-forth that keeps the audience invested.
  • The setting of the theater during lunch is a nice touch, but it could be used more effectively to contrast the heaviness of their conversation. Visual elements, such as the sad-looking meal, could be more symbolically tied to Divine Eye's emotional state to enhance the scene's depth.
Suggestions
  • Clarify the connection between Divine Eye's feelings and Hamlet's story. Perhaps include a line that directly relates Hamlet's struggles to Divine Eye's own challenges, making the metaphor more accessible.
  • Deepen Divine G's encouragement by incorporating specific examples of how Divine Eye's past experiences can enrich his artistic expression. This could help Divine Eye see the value in his journey.
  • Consider adding a moment where Divine G shares a personal anecdote or a specific artistic experience that parallels Divine Eye's struggle, creating a stronger bond between the characters.
  • Adjust the pacing by alternating between Divine Eye's introspection and Divine G's reactions more frequently. This will create a more engaging dialogue rhythm and maintain audience interest.
  • Utilize the visual elements of the setting more effectively. For example, describe how the sad meal reflects Divine Eye's emotional state, perhaps by having him push it around in a way that mirrors his internal conflict.



Scene 35 -  Curtain Call Celebration
INT. ONSTAGE - ANOTHER DAY

Everyone is now lined up onstage.

BRENT
Some of you have expressed that a
traditional curtain call is not in
the spirit of Mummy’s Code.

Brent looks around the company.

BRENT (CONT’D)
So instead of a bow... we’re gonna
dance. Keys... hit it.

Keys presses play on a boombox in the wings. A CD whirls to
life. Music pulses through the dusty speakers.

No one wants to make the first move.

DIVINE EYE
Fuck it. Let’s roll.

Divine Eye starts to move. And like a wave the room bursts
into motion.

The whole cast starts dancing, freestyling down the line.

Motion slows, and score overtakes the track. Swelling with
emotion as the men dance with unbridled joy.
Genres: ["Drama","Comedy"]

Summary Onstage after a performance, Brent suggests a non-traditional curtain call through dance, addressing the cast's initial reluctance. Divine Eye breaks the ice by starting to dance, inspiring the entire cast to join in. The atmosphere transforms into a lively celebration as they freestyle together, culminating in an emotional and joyful moment filled with music and movement.
Strengths
  • Authentic portrayal of joy and camaraderie
  • Effective use of dance as a form of expression
  • Emotional depth and character development
Weaknesses
  • Limited impact on main plot progression
  • Minimal dialogue

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively captures a moment of pure joy and unity among the characters, providing a refreshing break from the usual tensions within the prison setting. The dance sequence adds a touch of light-heartedness and emotional depth to the narrative.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of using dance as a means of celebrating the characters' bond and shared experience is innovative and adds depth to the narrative. It showcases a unique way of expressing emotions and building connections within the group.

Plot: 7.5

While the scene does not significantly advance the main plot, it serves as a pivotal moment of character development and unity among the group. The dance sequence adds layers to the characters' relationships and emotional journeys.

Originality: 9

The scene demonstrates a high level of originality through its fresh approach to the traditional curtain call, the authentic portrayal of characters' emotions, and the unexpected twist of a spontaneous dance party.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters' interactions during the dance sequence reveal their individual personalities and dynamics within the group. The scene allows for moments of vulnerability and joy, deepening the audience's connection to the characters.

Character Changes: 7

While the scene does not lead to significant character changes, it deepens the characters' bonds and emotional connections, showcasing their capacity for joy and unity despite their challenging circumstances.

Internal Goal: 9

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to break free from traditional expectations and express themselves authentically. This reflects their deeper need for creative freedom and individuality.

External Goal: 8

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to unite the cast and create a memorable moment. This reflects the immediate challenge of overcoming resistance to change and inspiring others to join in the unconventional celebration.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 3

The scene is low on conflict, focusing more on the characters' emotional journey and shared moment of joy. The lack of conflict allows for a genuine display of camaraderie and unity among the group.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create tension and uncertainty, as the characters hesitate to join the dance party and face the challenge of breaking free from traditional expectations.

High Stakes: 4

The stakes in the scene are relatively low, focusing more on the characters' emotional journey and shared moment of joy. The scene provides a respite from the usual tensions and conflicts within the prison setting.

Story Forward: 6

The scene does not propel the main story forward significantly but adds depth to the characters' relationships and emotional arcs. It serves as a pivotal moment of connection and unity within the group.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because it subverts expectations by replacing a traditional curtain call with a spontaneous dance party. The characters' reactions and the unexpected turn of events keep the audience on their toes.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between conformity and individuality. The protagonist challenges the traditional curtain call with a spontaneous dance, highlighting the clash between following established norms and embracing personal expression.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking feelings of joy, unity, and hope in the audience. The characters' genuine expressions of happiness and camaraderie resonate strongly, leaving a lasting impression.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue in the scene is minimal but effective in conveying the characters' emotions and camaraderie. The non-verbal communication through dance plays a significant role in expressing the characters' unity and joy.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it captures the audience's attention with its dynamic action, emotional depth, and unexpected twist. The characters' interactions and the lively dance sequence create a sense of excitement and connection.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension and excitement as the characters hesitantly join the dance party. The rhythm of the music and the characters' movements create a sense of energy and emotion.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene adheres to the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings, dialogue, and action descriptions. This enhances the readability and flow of the scene.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the scene's effectiveness by building tension and excitement.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures a moment of liberation and joy, contrasting Divine Eye's earlier despair. This emotional shift is powerful and resonates well with the audience, showcasing the transformative power of theater.
  • Brent's role as the director is well-defined, and his decision to replace a traditional curtain call with a dance reflects a creative approach that aligns with the themes of the play. This choice also emphasizes the camaraderie among the cast, which is essential in a prison setting.
  • Divine Eye's line, 'Fuck it. Let’s roll,' serves as a catalyst for the group's energy, highlighting his character's growth and willingness to embrace spontaneity. This moment of leadership is crucial and adds depth to his character arc.
  • The transition from hesitation to collective movement is well-executed, creating a sense of unity among the cast. However, the pacing could be enhanced by adding more descriptive action lines to illustrate the initial reluctance and gradual shift to enthusiasm.
  • The emotional swell of the music is a strong choice, but the scene could benefit from more sensory details about the environment, such as the feel of the stage, the energy in the room, or the expressions on the actors' faces as they dance. This would help immerse the audience further into the moment.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more descriptive language to capture the initial hesitation of the cast before Divine Eye breaks the ice. This could enhance the emotional impact of the moment.
  • Incorporate sensory details about the music and the atmosphere on stage to create a more vivid experience for the audience. Describe how the music feels, the energy in the room, and the expressions of the cast members.
  • Explore the individual reactions of other cast members as they begin to dance. This could add layers to the scene, showcasing their personalities and how they respond to the moment of liberation.
  • You might want to include a brief moment of reflection from Brent after the dance begins, highlighting his surprise or joy at the cast's willingness to embrace this unconventional curtain call.
  • Consider ending the scene with a strong visual or emotional image that encapsulates the joy and unity of the moment, leaving the audience with a lasting impression of the cast's transformation.



Scene 36 -  A Stumble on Stage
INT. THEATER - LATER

Score continues as the sets are unveiled.

The men push each other around in a ROMAN CHARIOT. Wielding
cardboard swords.

Two long-cut boards are brought in, painted like WAVES ON THE
SEA.

They layer the boards and stand on either end, pulling them
back and forth to make it look like ROLLING WAVES, endless
open ocean.
Everyone is in awe as they watch. Transported.


INT. THEATER - LATER

Divine Eye takes the stage with confidence. The whole company
surrounds the stage watching.

He finds his mark.

Divine G and Mike Mike are on pins and needles with the rest.
Divine Eye starts the soliloquy.

It’s flawless. Everyone leaning forward as he nears the end.

But he stumbles on the very last line.

DIVINE EYE
Perchance... Perchaaaance--

Divine Eye reaches out his fist, like he’s grabbing for the
last line. But he only catches air.

DIVINE EYE (CONT’D)
(smiling)
--aaand there it went.

They all come around him, razzing him and celebrating his
progress. Brent gives him a hug.

BRENT
Very close. And very good. One more
time from the top?
Genres: ["Drama","Comedy"]

Summary In a vibrant theater rehearsal, the cast engages in playful antics, including a Roman chariot scene and cardboard swords. Divine Eye takes center stage for a soliloquy, captivating the audience until he humorously stumbles on the final line. His fellow cast members, including Divine G and Mike Mike, share in the tension, while Brent offers support and encouragement. The scene is filled with camaraderie and light-heartedness, concluding with Brent suggesting Divine Eye try the performance again.
Strengths
  • Strong character development
  • Authentic dialogue
  • Emotional resonance
Weaknesses
  • Limited external conflict
  • Predictable outcome

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively combines elements of drama and comedy, showcasing character development, emotional growth, and a sense of unity among the group. The supportive tone and inspiring moments elevate the overall impact of the scene.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of showcasing the group's rehearsal process and the growth of Divine Eye as a performer is compelling. The scene effectively explores themes of transformation, camaraderie, and the power of art in challenging circumstances.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene revolves around Divine Eye's performance and the reactions of the other characters, driving the narrative forward through moments of tension, humor, and growth. The focus on the rehearsal process adds depth to the overall story.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh take on the familiar theme of overcoming obstacles in a theatrical setting. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and true to life.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed, with each contributing to the scene in meaningful ways. Divine Eye's journey as a performer, Divine G's supportive presence, and Brent's guidance all add layers to the narrative and enhance the emotional impact.

Character Changes: 8

Divine Eye undergoes a significant change in the scene, gaining confidence in his performance and receiving validation from his peers. This growth reflects the transformative power of the theater environment on the characters.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to deliver a flawless performance and overcome his fear of failure. This reflects his desire for validation and recognition as an actor.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to successfully deliver his soliloquy and impress his fellow actors. This reflects the immediate challenge of performing well in front of an audience.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

While there is some tension in Divine Eye's struggle with his performance, the overall conflict in the scene is relatively low. The focus is more on growth and support among the characters rather than external conflicts.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create conflict and challenge the protagonist, but not overwhelming to the point of discouragement. It adds depth to the story.

High Stakes: 6

The stakes in the scene are moderate, with Divine Eye's performance serving as a personal challenge rather than a life-or-death situation. The focus is more on emotional growth and camaraderie than high-stakes drama.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by showcasing Divine Eye's progress as a performer and highlighting the group's unity and growth. While it doesn't introduce major plot developments, it deepens the emotional and thematic layers of the narrative.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the uncertainty surrounding the protagonist's performance and the outcome of his soliloquy. The audience is kept on edge.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict is between the protagonist's fear of failure and his desire for success. This challenges his beliefs about his own abilities and the importance of perfection in his craft.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking feelings of hope, camaraderie, and joy as Divine Eye overcomes his stumbling block and receives support from his peers. The moments of celebration and growth resonate with the audience.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is engaging and authentic, capturing the camaraderie and humor of the group while also delving into deeper emotional moments. The interactions feel natural and contribute to the overall tone of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the relatable characters, emotional stakes, and the tension of the protagonist's performance. The audience is invested in his journey.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene builds tension and suspense, leading up to the climactic moment of the protagonist stumbling on the last line of his soliloquy. It keeps the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting adheres to the standard conventions of screenplay format, making it easy to follow and visualize the action on screen.

Structure: 9

The scene follows the expected structure for a character-driven drama, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm contribute to its effectiveness.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures a moment of joy and camaraderie among the cast, showcasing their creativity and the transformative power of theater. The imagery of the Roman chariot and the rolling waves adds a whimsical touch, enhancing the visual appeal of the performance.
  • Divine Eye's confidence at the beginning of the soliloquy is a strong character moment, demonstrating his growth and commitment to the craft. However, the stumble on the last line, while humorous, could be seen as a missed opportunity to deepen the emotional impact of the moment. Instead of merely acknowledging the mistake with a smile, Divine Eye could reflect a moment of vulnerability or frustration before transitioning to humor, which would add depth to his character arc.
  • The camaraderie among the cast members after Divine Eye's stumble is heartwarming and reinforces the theme of support within the group. However, the dialogue could be more varied to avoid repetition. Instead of all characters razzing him, consider giving each character a unique line that reflects their personality and relationship with Divine Eye.
  • Brent's encouragement at the end is a nice touch, but it feels somewhat abrupt. A smoother transition into the next take could enhance the flow of the scene. Perhaps a brief moment of silence or a shared look of understanding before diving back into the performance would create a more cohesive narrative.
  • The pacing of the scene is generally good, but the transition between the awe of the chariot and waves to Divine Eye's soliloquy could be more pronounced. A brief moment of silence or a shift in the score could help emphasize the change in focus and heighten the anticipation for Divine Eye's performance.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment of vulnerability for Divine Eye after he stumbles on the last line, allowing him to express a mix of frustration and humor, which would deepen his character development.
  • Enhance the dialogue among the cast members after Divine Eye's performance by giving each character a distinct line that reflects their personality, rather than having them all razz him in a similar manner.
  • Create a smoother transition between the celebration of the chariot and waves to Divine Eye's soliloquy by incorporating a brief moment of silence or a change in the score to build anticipation.
  • Explore the use of physicality in the celebration after Divine Eye's performance. Instead of just verbal razzing, consider incorporating playful gestures or actions that reflect their camaraderie.
  • Consider extending the scene slightly to allow for more interaction between Divine Eye and the cast after his performance, showcasing their support and the bond they've formed through their shared experiences in theater.



Scene 37 -  A Glimmer of Hope
EXT. YARD - ANOTHER DAY

Divine G is walking the yard, slowly around the perimeter,
deep in thought. He has a folder under his arm.

He sees Divine Eye standing off by himself. He approaches
him.

DIVINE G
Hey. Been waiting for you. Spin the
yard with me?

Divine Eye follows him and they start walking the path
together.

DIVINE G (CONT’D)
I know you haven’t had a lot of
time to prep for your parole board
hearing.
(MORE)
DIVINE G (CONT’D)
I don’t want to step on your toes,
but I know you’ve been busy with
the play -- I remember how much it
was my first year -- so I did a
little prep work for you.

He hands Divine Eye the folder. Divine Eye opens it.

DIVINE EYE
What did I say the last time we
talked about this?

DIVINE G
I did what I could on the forms,
you’ll just need to fill in the
addresses and all that. And write
your essay. The other stuff is just
a template. You’ll need to put it
in your own words to--

Divine Eye closes the folder. Stops them.

DIVINE EYE
How can you stand here and have all
this faith in the system? The
system that put you here. The
system that won’t let you out, even
with what you have. I got none of
that and--

DIVINE G
Are you telling me they got you?

DIVINE EYE
Who got me?

DIVINE G
They’ve got you convinced that you
belong in here. That this is where
you’re supposed to be--

DIVINE EYE
--That ain’t it--

DIVINE G
--and now you can act tough and say
you’re not going to prepare but
that’s what’s real, isn’t it? They
got you fooled.

Divine Eye looks around. He’s trying to hold in his emotions.
DIVINE EYE
What do I got out there? Got no
real family to speak of. All my
friends are in here. Even my son is
in here. Shit. I’ve been in so
long, I don’t even know what I’d do
if they let me out. Maybe this
is...

DIVINE G
Don’t say it. They want you to say
it. But you’re not a lap dog,
you’re a fucking wolf.

They start walking again.

DIVINE G (CONT’D)
How we see the world is how it’s
delivered to us.

DIVINE EYE
(slowly)
If I try and they don’t let me
out...

DIVINE G
Then you try again on the next one.
It doesn’t change who you are or
where you’re supposed to be.

Divine Eye opens the folder. Looks at the papers.

DIVINE EYE
How long does the essay need to be?

DIVINE G
There’s no limit. Three to five
pages is a good length, from my
research.

DIVINE EYE
I heard sometimes they don’t even
tell you their decision. You just
wait.

DIVINE G
They always send a letter. If it’s
a thick letter, you didn’t get it.
But if it’s thin, just one sheet of
paper... then you’re free. Thick as
a brick, or light as a feather.

Divine Eye takes all this in.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary In a prison yard, Divine G approaches Divine Eye, offering support for his upcoming parole board hearing. Despite Divine Eye's skepticism about the system and his chances of release, Divine G encourages him to believe in himself and provides insights on the essay he needs to write. The scene captures Divine Eye's internal struggle with self-doubt, while Divine G's uplifting words offer a glimmer of hope as Divine Eye begins to contemplate the requirements for his essay.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
  • Authentic dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Limited external conflict
  • Slow pacing in some parts

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys the emotional depth of the characters and their internal struggles, providing a poignant moment of reflection and growth. The dialogue is impactful and the interaction between Divine G and Divine Eye is compelling.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the scene revolves around themes of faith, resilience, and self-discovery, as Divine G offers guidance to Divine Eye in navigating the challenges of the parole board hearing. The scene effectively explores these concepts through the characters' dialogue and interactions.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene focuses on the emotional journey of Divine G and Divine Eye as they discuss the upcoming parole board hearing and grapple with their respective struggles and hopes. The scene advances the characters' arcs and sets the stage for potential growth and development.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh perspective on the prison system and the challenges faced by incarcerated individuals, presenting complex characters with conflicting beliefs and motivations.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters of Divine G and Divine Eye are well-developed and complex, with distinct personalities and motivations. Divine G is portrayed as supportive and resilient, while Divine Eye is depicted as conflicted and in need of guidance. Their interactions are authentic and engaging, adding depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 8

Divine Eye experiences a subtle shift in perspective and attitude throughout the scene, moving from a place of doubt and resignation to a glimmer of hope and self-reflection. His interaction with Divine G prompts him to consider his own resilience and potential for growth, setting the stage for potential character development.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to instill hope and determination in Divine Eye, encouraging him to believe in himself and his ability to change his circumstances.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to help Divine Eye prepare for his parole board hearing and navigate the system effectively.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

The conflict in the scene is primarily internal, as Divine Eye grapples with his doubts and fears about the parole board hearing and his future outside of prison. The tension arises from his inner turmoil and uncertainty, adding depth to the emotional dynamics of the scene.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Divine Eye's resistance to change and the protagonist's efforts to challenge his beliefs creating conflict and tension.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes in the scene are high for Divine Eye, as he grapples with the uncertainty of his parole board hearing and his future outside of prison. The outcome of the hearing could have significant implications for his life and sense of identity, adding tension and emotional weight to the scene.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by deepening the relationship between Divine G and Divine Eye, as well as setting the stage for potential character growth and development. It provides a moment of reflection and introspection for the characters, advancing the emotional and thematic elements of the narrative.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected emotional revelations and shifts in the characters' beliefs and motivations, keeping the audience on edge.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict revolves around Divine Eye's lack of faith in the system and his struggle to believe in his own worth and potential for change.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking feelings of hope, resilience, and empathy for the characters' struggles. The poignant moments of reflection and support between Divine G and Divine Eye resonate with the audience, drawing them into the characters' emotional journey.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue in the scene is poignant and impactful, effectively conveying the emotions and inner thoughts of the characters. The conversations between Divine G and Divine Eye are meaningful and reflective, adding depth to their relationship and individual struggles.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its emotional depth, character development, and the tension between the characters' conflicting beliefs and motivations.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and emotional depth, allowing for moments of introspection and character development to unfold naturally.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene adheres to the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene descriptions, character actions, and dialogue cues that enhance readability and visual clarity.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear and engaging structure, with well-paced dialogue and character interactions that drive the narrative forward effectively.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the emotional weight of Divine Eye's struggle with his identity and the prison system. The dialogue between Divine G and Divine Eye is engaging and reveals their complex relationship, showcasing Divine G's role as a mentor and supporter.
  • The pacing of the scene is well-structured, allowing for moments of tension and reflection. Divine Eye's internal conflict is palpable, and the dialogue flows naturally, making the characters' emotions relatable.
  • However, the scene could benefit from more visual elements to enhance the emotional impact. Describing the yard's atmosphere, the physicality of their walk, or the expressions on their faces could deepen the audience's connection to the characters' struggles.
  • The dialogue, while strong, occasionally feels expository, particularly when Divine G explains the parole process. This could be streamlined to maintain the scene's emotional intensity without losing clarity.
  • Divine Eye's skepticism about the system is compelling, but it might be more impactful if he expressed this through actions or body language, rather than solely through dialogue. This would add a layer of depth to his character and make his feelings more visceral.
Suggestions
  • Incorporate more sensory details about the yard setting to create a vivid backdrop for their conversation. Describe the sounds, smells, or sights that might influence their mood and enhance the emotional stakes.
  • Consider using subtext in the dialogue to convey Divine Eye's feelings about the system and his future. Instead of stating his doubts outright, allow his body language or tone to hint at his internal struggle.
  • Reduce the amount of exposition regarding the parole process. Instead of explaining the essay length and letter types, show Divine Eye's reaction to the folder and his feelings about the process through his actions or expressions.
  • Add a moment of silence or a pause in the conversation to emphasize the weight of Divine Eye's thoughts. This can create a more dramatic effect and allow the audience to absorb the emotional gravity of the situation.
  • Explore Divine G's perspective more deeply. Perhaps he has his own doubts about the system that he can share, which would create a more balanced dynamic and deepen their connection.



Scene 38 -  Reflections Behind Bars
INT. DIVINE G'S CELL - NIGHT

Divine G and Mike Mike are talking across their cells. Just
sharing stories and chatting.

Mike Mike shares a story about growing up in the Bay, talking
about his childhood. Divine G is listening, laughing.

It reminds Divine G of his youth. He starts talking about his
time at the FAME school. How he danced ballet.

MIKE MIKE
Ballet? Are you joking?

DIVINE G
(laughs)
Shut the fuck up. I loved it.
There’s no room for lies in ballet.
Everything is direct, every
movement is necessary.
(gets quiet)
I couldn’t tell my friends about--

Silence from Mike Mike.

DIVINE G (CONT’D)
Hey. You fall asleep on me again?

Still silence.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary In a dimly lit prison cell, Divine G and Mike Mike engage in a heartfelt conversation, sharing personal stories that reveal their vulnerabilities. Mike Mike reminisces about his childhood in the Bay Area, prompting Divine G to reflect on his passion for ballet, which he struggles to share due to fear of judgment. As Divine G passionately defends ballet's honesty and precision, he senses Mike Mike's growing silence, leaving him to wonder if his friend has fallen asleep. The scene captures a poignant moment of connection overshadowed by isolation.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
  • Authentic dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Limited plot progression
  • Low external conflict

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively establishes a sense of intimacy and depth through the characters' shared memories and emotional vulnerability. The dialogue is engaging and reveals layers of the characters' personalities.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring the characters' personal histories and vulnerabilities in a confined setting adds depth to their personalities and strengthens the emotional connection with the audience.

Plot: 7.5

While the scene does not significantly advance the main plot, it contributes to character development and adds emotional depth to Divine G and Mike Mike, enriching the overall narrative.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh approach to exploring vulnerability and masculinity in a prison setting. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds depth and complexity to the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The scene allows for a deeper understanding of Divine G and Mike Mike's backgrounds, motivations, and emotional states. Their interactions reveal vulnerability, humor, and a sense of camaraderie.

Character Changes: 7

The scene deepens the audience's understanding of Divine G and Mike Mike's characters, revealing new layers of their personalities and past experiences.

Internal Goal: 8

Divine G's internal goal in this scene is to reminisce about his past and share a vulnerable moment from his youth. This reflects his deeper need for connection and understanding, as well as his desire to be seen beyond his current situation.

External Goal: 6

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to engage in conversation and build a rapport with Mike Mike. This reflects the immediate challenge of forming relationships in a confined space.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 3

While there is a subtle tension in Divine G's hesitation to share his past experiences, the scene primarily focuses on introspection and personal reflection rather than external conflict.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create tension and conflict, keeping the audience engaged and uncertain about the characters' motivations and intentions.

High Stakes: 2

The scene does not involve high stakes or intense conflict, focusing instead on personal reflection and shared memories between Divine G and Mike Mike.

Story Forward: 6

While the scene does not significantly advance the main plot, it enriches the characters' backgrounds and motivations, contributing to the overall narrative depth.

Unpredictability: 6

This scene is unpredictable because it reveals unexpected vulnerabilities and complexities in the characters' personalities, challenging the audience's assumptions.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the contrast between Divine G's past experiences in ballet and the expectations of masculinity in a prison environment. This challenges Divine G's beliefs about self-expression and authenticity.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes a strong emotional response through the characters' shared memories, vulnerability, and nostalgia. It creates a poignant and intimate moment that resonates with the audience.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is engaging, authentic, and reveals the characters' inner thoughts and emotions. It effectively conveys the reflective and nostalgic tones of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it delves into the characters' inner thoughts and emotions, creating a sense of intimacy and connection with the audience.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by allowing the emotional beats and character development to unfold naturally, creating a sense of tension and anticipation.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene adheres to the standard conventions of screenplay format, making it easy to read and visualize the interactions between the characters.

Structure: 7

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for a character-driven dialogue scene in a screenplay. It effectively conveys the emotional depth of the characters' interactions.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures a moment of camaraderie between Divine G and Mike Mike, showcasing their friendship through shared stories. However, the transition from Mike Mike's story to Divine G's reflection on ballet feels abrupt. A smoother segue could enhance the flow of dialogue and maintain the audience's engagement.
  • Divine G's passion for ballet is an interesting character detail that adds depth to his backstory. However, the line 'There’s no room for lies in ballet' could be expanded upon to clarify its significance. This could help the audience understand how this philosophy relates to Divine G's current struggles and identity.
  • The use of silence after Divine G's question about Mike Mike falling asleep is effective in creating tension and highlighting the emotional weight of the conversation. However, it might benefit from a brief internal monologue or a visual cue that indicates Divine G's concern or frustration, which would deepen the emotional impact.
  • The dialogue is generally strong, but the humor in Mike Mike's initial reaction to ballet could be more pronounced. Adding a playful retort or a follow-up question could enhance the comedic element and make their interaction feel more dynamic.
  • The scene's setting in the prison cell is well-established, but it could be enriched with sensory details that evoke the atmosphere of confinement. Describing the sounds, smells, or visual elements of the cell could help immerse the audience further into the environment.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a transitional line or action that connects Mike Mike's story to Divine G's ballet experience more fluidly, perhaps by having Divine G reflect on a specific moment that triggered his memory.
  • Expand on Divine G's statement about ballet by including a brief anecdote or metaphor that illustrates how the discipline of ballet parallels his life experiences, particularly in the context of prison.
  • Incorporate a brief internal thought or visual cue from Divine G after he realizes Mike Mike is silent, which could convey his concern or disappointment, enhancing the emotional stakes of the moment.
  • Enhance the humor in Mike Mike's reaction by giving him a more exaggerated or playful response, which could create a more engaging back-and-forth dynamic between the characters.
  • Add sensory details to the setting, such as the dim light of the cell, the sounds of the prison at night, or the cramped space, to create a more vivid and immersive atmosphere for the audience.



Scene 39 -  The Impersonal Cleanse
EXT. DIVINE G'S CELL - CONTINUOUS

DIVINE G (O.S.)
(smiles)
After I sat through your dumbass
story.

He rolls over.

DIVINE G (O.S.) (CONT’D)
Good night, Mike Mike. You dick.


INT. DIVINE G'S CELL - NEXT MORNING

Divine G is laying on his side, staring at the wall. A sound
fills his space, coming from another cell: cleaning,
scrubbing, shoving contents into trash bags. He just stares
into space, a blank look on his face.

Through the portal in his door we see the source of the
noise: A JANITOR is cleaning out Mike Mike’s cell while a CO
stands watch.
The janitor rips down photos, bags sheets and what little
clothing was left.

It’s unceremonious. Efficient. Without regard for the life
that once occupied the room.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary In a bleak prison setting, Divine G sarcastically comments on Mike Mike's story before rolling over to sleep. The next morning, he observes a janitor and a correctional officer methodically cleaning out Mike Mike's cell, stripping it of personal belongings with emotional detachment. The scene highlights the harsh realities of prison life, emphasizing the loss of identity and the impersonal nature of the environment.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
  • Atmospheric tension
Weaknesses
  • Limited dialogue
  • Minimal action

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys a sense of loss and desolation through Divine G's reaction to the janitor cleaning out Mike Mike's cell. The emotional weight of the moment is palpable, and the somber tone is well-executed.


Story Content

Concept: 8.5

The concept of exploring loss and emptiness in a prison setting is compelling and adds depth to Divine G's character. The scene effectively conveys the harsh reality of life behind bars.

Plot: 8

The plot progression in the scene is focused on Divine G's emotional response to the removal of Mike Mike's belongings, which adds layers to the character dynamics and sets up potential future conflicts.

Originality: 8

The scene offers a fresh perspective on the prison genre by focusing on the emotional impact of witnessing the cleaning out of another inmate's cell, rather than the typical tropes of violence or escape. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds depth and complexity to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters, particularly Divine G, are well-developed in this scene, with their emotions and relationships coming to the forefront. The interaction between Divine G and Mike Mike adds depth to their connection.

Character Changes: 7

Divine G undergoes a subtle emotional change in the scene, deepening his connection to Mike Mike and highlighting his vulnerability.

Internal Goal: 8

Divine G's internal goal in this scene is to cope with the emotional impact of witnessing the cleaning out of another inmate's cell. This reflects his deeper need for connection and empathy, as well as his fear of being forgotten or erased in a similar manner.

External Goal: 7

Divine G's external goal in this scene is to maintain his composure and not show vulnerability in front of the janitor and CO. This reflects the immediate challenge of preserving his sense of self-worth and dignity in a dehumanizing environment.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

The conflict in the scene is more internal and emotional, focusing on Divine G's reaction to the loss of Mike Mike's presence rather than external confrontations.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, as Divine G faces the challenge of maintaining his composure and dignity in the face of dehumanizing treatment. The uncertainty of his emotional response and the power dynamics within the prison add complexity and tension to the scene.

High Stakes: 6

The stakes in the scene are more emotional and personal, focusing on the characters' internal struggles and relationships.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by developing the relationship between Divine G and Mike Mike, setting the stage for potential conflicts and resolutions.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because it subverts expectations by focusing on the emotional impact of a mundane task like cleaning out a cell, rather than a dramatic confrontation or escape attempt. The uncertainty of Divine G's emotional response adds tension and complexity to the narrative.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the clash between the value of human life and the institutional indifference towards individual suffering. This challenges Divine G's beliefs in the inherent worth of every person and the importance of compassion in a harsh world.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking feelings of sadness and resignation in the audience through Divine G's poignant reaction to the cleaning of Mike Mike's cell.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue in the scene is minimal but impactful, conveying the emotions and tensions between the characters effectively.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it creates a sense of emotional intensity and suspense through the character's internal struggles and the external challenges they face. The vivid imagery and authentic dialogue draw the audience into the harsh reality of prison life.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension and emotional depth through the gradual unfolding of events and the character's internal reflections. The rhythm of the dialogue and action sequences enhances the scene's impact.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene adheres to the expected format for a screenplay, with clear scene headings, character names, and action descriptions. The visual elements are effectively conveyed through concise and evocative language.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a dramatic prison setting, with a clear establishment of the environment, character interactions, and emotional tension. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the scene's effectiveness in building suspense and emotional depth.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the stark reality of prison life and the emotional weight of loss through Divine G's perspective. The contrast between his sarcastic farewell to Mike Mike and the cold, methodical cleaning of Mike Mike's cell creates a poignant juxtaposition that highlights the harshness of incarceration.
  • Divine G's off-screen dialogue adds a layer of humor that serves to humanize him, but it also risks undermining the gravity of the subsequent scene. The transition from light-hearted banter to the somber reality of Mike Mike's absence could be more seamless to maintain emotional continuity.
  • The visual description of the janitor's actions is strong, emphasizing the lack of respect for the deceased's belongings. However, the scene could benefit from more sensory details to enhance the atmosphere—sounds, smells, and the physical environment could be described to immerse the audience further into Divine G's experience.
  • Divine G's blank stare and passive demeanor effectively convey his emotional state, but the scene could explore his internal thoughts or feelings more deeply. A brief internal monologue or flashback could provide insight into his relationship with Mike Mike, making the loss feel more impactful.
  • The scene's pacing is appropriate, but it could be enhanced by incorporating more visual or auditory elements that reflect Divine G's emotional turmoil. For instance, the sounds of the janitor cleaning could be contrasted with memories of laughter or conversations shared between Divine G and Mike Mike.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief internal monologue for Divine G that reflects on his relationship with Mike Mike, which could deepen the emotional impact of the scene.
  • Enhance the sensory details in the scene by describing the sounds, smells, and sights of the prison environment, particularly during the janitor's cleaning process, to create a more immersive experience.
  • Explore the transition from humor to somberness more fluidly, perhaps by having Divine G's tone shift as he hears the cleaning sounds, leading to a moment of realization about Mike Mike's absence.
  • Incorporate a visual or auditory memory that Divine G recalls while staring at the wall, which could serve as a poignant reminder of his friendship with Mike Mike and heighten the emotional stakes.
  • Consider ending the scene with a more definitive emotional beat, such as Divine G's reaction to the cleaning or a lingering shot of Mike Mike's empty cell, to leave a lasting impression on the audience.



Scene 40 -  In Memory of Mike Mike
INT. THEATER - SOME TIME LATER

The whole cast sits in a big circle on the stage. Except for
ONE EMPTY CHAIR. Mike Mike’s. We let them sit in silence for
a while. Taking in each face. Their grief.

Finally one of the men speaks up.

BIG E
Man, I can understand a brother
stringing up. I can understand a
stabbing. But his brain just shut
down...

PREME
My dad died of an aneurism. One day
he was fine, the next just... I
found him leaned over the sink.
Toothbrush still in his mouth.

They start to share stories about what Mike Mike did for each
of them.

Divine G tries to nod along and smile but its clear something
is breaking apart inside of him.

They promise to dedicate the show to Mike Mike. To find ways
to support his family in their grief.

The walls begin to tremble from the commuter train.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary In a somber theater setting, the cast gathers in a circle to mourn the unexpected loss of Mike Mike. Big E expresses confusion about the circumstances of his death, while Preme shares a heartfelt story about his father's sudden passing, prompting others to reflect on their memories of Mike Mike. Divine G struggles with his emotions, highlighting the internal conflict within him. Together, they decide to dedicate their upcoming show to Mike Mike and discuss ways to support his grieving family. The scene is underscored by the distant rumble of a commuter train, symbolizing the ongoing life outside their shared grief.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
  • Camaraderie among the cast
Weaknesses
  • Limited external conflict
  • Reliance on dialogue for emotional impact

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys a range of emotions and showcases the camaraderie among the cast members, with a poignant tribute to the deceased character. The exploration of grief and support adds depth to the narrative.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of honoring a fallen comrade and dealing with grief within the context of a prison theater group is compelling and adds depth to the characters and their relationships.

Plot: 8

The plot progression focuses on the emotional aftermath of Mike Mike's death and the impact it has on the remaining characters. It moves the story forward by deepening the relationships and adding layers to the narrative.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh approach to exploring themes of grief and loss, with authentic and relatable character actions and dialogue that feel genuine and heartfelt.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters show vulnerability, support, and resilience in the face of loss, adding complexity to their personalities. The scene allows for character development and exploration of their emotional depth.

Character Changes: 8

The characters undergo emotional changes as they process their grief and come together to support each other. The experience of loss leads to personal growth and deeper connections.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to come to terms with the loss of Mike Mike and process his own emotions of grief and sadness. This reflects his deeper need for closure and understanding of mortality.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to honor Mike Mike's memory and support his family in their time of grief. This reflects the immediate circumstances of the character's loss and the challenges of dealing with death.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 3

The conflict in the scene is internal, as the characters grapple with their emotions and the loss of a friend. The focus is on emotional turmoil rather than external conflicts.

Opposition: 6

The opposition in the scene is subtle but impactful, as the characters struggle to come to terms with the sudden loss of their friend and colleague.

High Stakes: 6

The stakes are emotional, as the characters grapple with the loss of a friend and the need to honor his memory. The scene emphasizes the importance of solidarity and support within the group.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by deepening the relationships among the characters and exploring the theme of loss and resilience. It sets the stage for further character development and plot progression.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable in its emotional depth and the characters' reactions to loss, keeping the audience engaged and uncertain of how the scene will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the characters grappling with the sudden and unexpected nature of death, and how it can impact those left behind. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs about life and mortality.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking feelings of sadness, empathy, and camaraderie among the characters. The tribute to Mike Mike resonates with the audience and adds emotional depth to the story.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue is heartfelt and authentic, reflecting the characters' grief and support for each other. It effectively conveys the emotions and relationships within the group.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the raw emotion and vulnerability displayed by the characters, drawing the audience into their shared experience of grief and loss.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and emotion, allowing for moments of reflection and connection between the characters.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene adheres to the expected format for its genre, effectively conveying the setting and emotional tone of the scene.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene effectively conveys the emotional weight of the characters' experiences, following a natural progression of mourning and remembrance.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the raw emotion of grief, allowing the audience to feel the weight of Mike Mike's absence. The use of silence at the beginning sets a somber tone, which is appropriate given the context of the characters' loss.
  • The dialogue from Big E and Preme is poignant and relatable, providing insight into the different ways people process grief. However, the transition from silence to dialogue could be smoother; perhaps a moment of hesitation or a shared glance among the cast before someone speaks could enhance the emotional impact.
  • Divine G's internal struggle is well-portrayed through his attempts to nod along and smile, but the scene could benefit from a more explicit expression of his feelings. A brief internal monologue or a flashback could deepen the audience's understanding of his connection to Mike Mike and the weight of his grief.
  • The promise to dedicate the show to Mike Mike is a powerful moment, but it feels somewhat rushed. Expanding on this commitment with a few more lines of dialogue or a group consensus could strengthen the sense of unity among the cast and their shared purpose.
  • The sound of the commuter train rumbling in the background serves as a metaphor for the outside world continuing to move on despite their grief. However, it might be more impactful if the sound gradually increases in volume, paralleling the rising emotions in the room before it fades back into silence.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment of silence or a ritualistic gesture (like lighting a candle) before the dialogue begins to enhance the atmosphere of mourning.
  • Introduce a character who is particularly close to Mike Mike to share a more personal story, which could serve as a focal point for the group's grief and provide a deeper emotional anchor for the audience.
  • Incorporate physical actions or gestures from the cast members as they share their stories, such as passing around a photo of Mike Mike or holding hands, to create a more intimate and connected atmosphere.
  • Explore Divine G's emotional turmoil further by including a moment where he breaks down or expresses his feelings more openly, which could serve as a cathartic release for both him and the audience.
  • Consider ending the scene with a visual cue, such as a close-up of the empty chair or a lingering shot of the cast holding hands, to reinforce the theme of loss and the impact of Mike Mike's absence.



Scene 41 -  Stacking Chairs and Unspoken Grief
INT. THEATER - A LITTLE LATER

Divine G is stacking chairs again. Divine Eye comes beside
him to help.

Divine Eye stops stacking.

DIVINE EYE
Do you want to talk about it?

DIVINE G
Everything that needed to be said,
got said. Right? Do you need to get
anything off your chest?
DIVINE EYE
I’m only asking because you didn’t
say much earlier and--

DIVINE G
(sharp)
What’s that supposed to mean?

DIVINE EYE
Look man. I didn’t mean anything by
it. I’m just saying, if you need--

DIVINE G
I’m good.

Divine G realizes his tone. Softens a bit.

DIVINE G (CONT’D)
I gotta go write a dozen letters to
his family tonight. So I need to
finish up these chairs. Appreciate
it.

Divine G steps away with three stacked chairs.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary In a theater, Divine G is focused on stacking chairs when Divine Eye approaches to offer help and check on his emotional state after a recent event. Initially defensive, Divine G eventually acknowledges his sharpness and reveals the somber task of writing letters to Mike Mike's family. The scene captures the tension between their friendship and Divine G's struggle with grief, ending with him continuing his task, symbolizing his attempt to find order amidst chaos.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
  • Authentic dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Limited external action
  • Lack of resolution

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys the emotional weight of the characters' grief and the tension between Divine G and Divine Eye. The dialogue and interactions feel authentic and raw, adding depth to the characters.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring unspoken grief and the dynamics of support in the face of loss is compelling and adds depth to the characters and overall narrative.

Plot: 8

The plot is advanced through the emotional exploration of grief and the evolving relationship between Divine G and Divine Eye, setting the stage for further character development and conflict.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh approach to exploring grief and emotional vulnerability through subtle interactions and unspoken tensions. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters of Divine G and Divine Eye are richly portrayed, with their emotional struggles and unspoken grief adding layers to their personalities. The scene allows for character growth and introspection.

Character Changes: 8

Both Divine G and Divine Eye experience subtle shifts in their emotional states and relationship dynamics, setting the stage for further character development and growth.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to cope with the loss of someone close to him and maintain composure in front of others. This reflects his deeper need for emotional stability and his fear of vulnerability.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to finish stacking the chairs and write letters to the deceased's family. This reflects the immediate challenge of fulfilling his responsibilities in the face of grief.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict in the scene is primarily internal, focusing on the emotional turmoil and strained relationship between Divine G and Divine Eye after the loss of Mike Mike.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create conflict and uncertainty, adding depth to the characters' interactions.

High Stakes: 6

The stakes are primarily emotional in this scene, focusing on the characters' internal struggles and the need for support and understanding in the face of loss.

Story Forward: 7

While the scene does not significantly move the plot forward in terms of external events, it deepens the emotional complexity of the characters and sets the stage for future conflicts and resolutions.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the shifting dynamics between the characters and the unresolved tensions.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between emotional vulnerability and stoicism. Divine G struggles with opening up about his feelings while Divine Eye tries to offer support and understanding.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking feelings of sadness, empathy, and introspection as the characters navigate their grief and strained emotions.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue effectively conveys the tension and emotional depth of the scene, capturing the unspoken emotions and underlying conflicts between the characters.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the tension between the characters and the emotional depth of their interactions.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension gradually and allowing for emotional moments to resonate.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with proper scene headings and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with clear character interactions and progression of the plot.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the emotional weight following Mike Mike's death, showcasing Divine G's internal struggle and the tension between him and Divine Eye. However, the dialogue feels somewhat stilted at times, particularly Divine G's sharp responses, which could benefit from more nuance to reflect his complex emotions.
  • Divine Eye's character comes across as empathetic, but his approach to Divine G could be more layered. Instead of simply asking if Divine G wants to talk, he could share a personal anecdote or express his own grief, which would create a deeper connection and allow for a more organic conversation.
  • The transition from the previous scene to this one is somewhat abrupt. While the emotional context is clear, a brief moment of silence or a visual cue could enhance the atmosphere, allowing the audience to feel the weight of the loss before diving into the dialogue.
  • Divine G's realization of his tone and subsequent softening is a strong moment, but it could be more impactful if it were preceded by a moment of vulnerability or reflection. This would make his shift in demeanor feel more earned and relatable.
  • The mention of writing letters to Mike Mike's family is poignant, but it could be expanded upon. Divine G could briefly express his feelings about this task, which would add depth to his character and highlight the emotional burden he carries.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment of silence or a shared memory before the dialogue begins to set the emotional tone more effectively.
  • Enhance Divine Eye's character by having him share a personal story or memory related to Mike Mike, which would create a stronger bond between him and Divine G.
  • Refine Divine G's sharp responses to be more reflective of his internal conflict. Instead of being defensive, he could express frustration or sadness, which would make his character more relatable.
  • Expand on Divine G's task of writing letters by including a line or two that reveals his feelings about it, adding emotional depth to the scene.
  • Explore the use of physical actions or gestures to convey emotions. For example, Divine G could pause while stacking chairs, reflecting on his thoughts, which would visually represent his internal struggle.



Scene 42 -  Reflections of Routine
INT. REC ROOM - DAY

MONTAGE: THE NEXT FEW DAYS

We watch Divine G go through life, living in the slow time.

- Watching TV with other men in the common area.


EXT. YARD COURTYARD - DAY

- Divine G circles the courtyard. As he’s been doing for
hours. And will continue to do.


INT. THEATER - LIGHTING BOOTH - DAY

- Divine G watches down on the rehearsals. The men onstage
are paired up and waltzing around part of the pirate ship
set.
Genres: ["Drama","Slice of Life"]

Summary In a montage spanning several days, Divine G navigates a slow-paced life marked by camaraderie and monotony. He shares moments with other men in a rec room, walks in circles in the courtyard, and observes rehearsals from a theater lighting booth, where men practice a waltz on a pirate ship set. The scene captures his introspective nature and the passage of time, culminating in a contemplative moment as he watches the creative endeavors around him.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
  • Reflective tone
Weaknesses
  • Lack of plot progression
  • Minimal dialogue

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively captures the somber and reflective tone through Divine G's solitary activities and the emotional weight of the cast reflecting on the loss of Mike Mike. The introspective nature of the scene adds depth to the characters and storyline.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring Divine G's daily routine and the cast's reflections on loss is compelling and adds depth to the characters. The scene effectively conveys the emotional weight of the situation.

Plot: 7.5

While the plot does not significantly progress in this scene, it adds emotional depth and character development through Divine G's introspection and the cast's reflections on loss.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh perspective on prison life, focusing on the emotional and psychological aspects of confinement. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and contribute to the authenticity of the setting.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The scene allows for character development, particularly for Divine G, as it delves into his emotions and daily life in prison. The cast's reflections also showcase their emotional depth and relationships.

Character Changes: 7

Divine G undergoes subtle emotional changes as he reflects on his life and the loss of Mike Mike. The scene allows for introspection and personal growth.

Internal Goal: 8

Divine G's internal goal in this scene is to find a sense of purpose or meaning in his confined existence. He may be seeking connection, validation, or a way to escape the emotional isolation of prison life.

External Goal: 7

Divine G's external goal in this scene is to observe and possibly influence the rehearsals taking place in the theater. This reflects his desire to maintain a sense of control and power within the prison environment.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 3

The scene lacks significant conflict but focuses more on emotional introspection and character development.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Divine G facing internal and external challenges that test his sense of control and power within the prison environment.

High Stakes: 4

The stakes are not particularly high in this scene, focusing more on emotional reflection and character relationships.

Story Forward: 6

While the scene does not significantly move the plot forward, it adds emotional depth and character development, enriching the overall narrative.

Unpredictability: 6

This scene is unpredictable because it presents Divine G's internal conflicts and interactions in a nuanced and unexpected way, challenging the audience's expectations.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the tension between freedom and confinement. Divine G is physically confined within the prison walls, but he seeks emotional and mental freedom through his observations and interactions.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking feelings of sadness, reflection, and empathy for the characters' experiences. The somber tone and introspective themes resonate with the audience.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue in the scene is minimal but impactful, conveying the characters' emotions and reflections effectively. The dialogue adds to the somber and introspective tone of the scene.

Engagement: 8

This scene is engaging because it offers insight into Divine G's internal struggles and external environment, drawing the audience into the prison setting and character dynamics.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by creating a sense of tension and anticipation, reflecting Divine G's internal and external conflicts.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings and descriptions of actions and dialogue.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with clear transitions between locations and a focus on Divine G's observations and interactions.


Critique
  • The montage format effectively conveys the passage of time and Divine G's emotional state, but it lacks a strong narrative thread that connects the individual moments. Each shot feels somewhat disjointed, making it difficult for the audience to fully engage with Divine G's experience.
  • The use of a montage can sometimes dilute emotional impact, especially following the heavy scenes of grief and loss. While it serves to show Divine G's routine, it may benefit from deeper exploration of his internal struggles during this time, rather than just depicting his actions.
  • The visual descriptions are somewhat vague. For instance, stating that Divine G 'circles the courtyard' could be enhanced by including more sensory details or emotional context to illustrate how he feels during this repetitive action. Is he lost in thought, feeling trapped, or finding solace in the routine?
  • The transition between the different settings in the montage could be smoother. As it stands, the abrupt shifts from the rec room to the yard and then to the theater may confuse the audience. A more cohesive flow could enhance the emotional resonance of the scene.
  • The scene lacks dialogue, which can be effective in conveying solitude or introspection, but it may also miss an opportunity for Divine G to express his feelings or thoughts about Mike Mike's death. A brief internal monologue or a voiceover could add depth to his character's emotional journey.
Suggestions
  • Consider incorporating a voiceover or internal monologue for Divine G during the montage to provide insight into his thoughts and feelings, helping the audience connect with his emotional state.
  • Enhance the visual descriptions by adding sensory details that reflect Divine G's emotional experience in each setting. For example, describe the sounds of the TV, the feeling of the sun on his skin in the yard, or the atmosphere in the theater.
  • Create smoother transitions between the different locations in the montage. You could use a visual motif, such as a recurring object or sound, to link the scenes together and create a more cohesive narrative.
  • Explore the possibility of including brief interactions with other characters during the montage. Even small exchanges could provide context for Divine G's emotional state and highlight his relationships with others in the prison.
  • Consider ending the montage with a more definitive emotional beat or moment of realization for Divine G, perhaps as he watches the rehearsals. This could serve as a turning point that leads into the next scene, providing a stronger narrative connection.



Scene 43 -  Longing at the Pay Phone
INT. PAY PHONE - ANOTHER DAY

A singular PAY PHONE hangs on the wall. A long line of people
waiting to use it. Currently, Divine G is on a call, though
his mind seems far away.
DIVINE G
...No, that’s not what I’m saying
but--
(listens)
But you need to tell them that they
can’t talk to you like--
(listens)
I hear you, Mama, but--
(listens, now frustrated)
Well why are we even talking about
then? If you don’t want to do
anything about it, then you’re just
wasting your time by--
(listens, softens)
I’m sorry, I just... No, I’m not
nervous, I just want to have it
done already. Maybe I’m a little
nervous.
(listens)
Yes ma’am. I know. I’m just--
(chokes up)
I’m just ready to see you, Mama.
I’m ready to come home.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary Divine G stands at a pay phone, caught in a tense conversation with his mother. Frustrated by their unproductive discussion, he reveals his deep longing to see her and return home. The scene captures his emotional struggle, oscillating between frustration and vulnerability, as he grapples with unresolved issues while surrounded by the isolation of the pay phone and a line of waiting people.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth of Divine G's character
  • Effective portrayal of longing and inner turmoil
  • Engaging dialogue that captures the scene's emotional essence
Weaknesses
  • Limited plot progression
  • Low external conflict

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys Divine G's emotional turmoil and desire to be with his mother, creating a poignant and relatable moment for the audience.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of longing for home and family resonates with the audience, adding depth to Divine G's character and exploring universal themes of love and connection.

Plot: 7.5

While the scene does not significantly advance the main plot, it provides important character development for Divine G and adds emotional depth to the story.

Originality: 9

The scene is original in its portrayal of a heartfelt conversation in a public space, highlighting the protagonist's inner turmoil and longing for home. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to its originality.


Character Development

Characters: 9

Divine G's complex emotions and internal conflict are effectively portrayed, adding layers to his character and engaging the audience in his journey.

Character Changes: 8

Divine G undergoes emotional growth and introspection in the scene, deepening his character development and setting the stage for future evolution.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to communicate with his mother and express his emotions, particularly his longing to see her and come home. This reflects his deeper need for connection and comfort.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to have a difficult conversation with his mother, possibly about a challenging situation that needs to be resolved. This reflects the immediate circumstances and challenges he's facing.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 5

The conflict in the scene is primarily internal, as Divine G grapples with his emotions and desires, leading to a sense of tension and longing.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist facing emotional challenges and conflicts that are difficult to overcome, adding depth to the narrative.

High Stakes: 4

The stakes in the scene are primarily emotional, as Divine G grapples with his longing for home and the uncertainty of his future.

Story Forward: 6

While the scene does not significantly move the main plot forward, it enriches Divine G's character arc and sets up future developments.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the shifting emotions and dynamics between the characters, keeping the audience on edge about the outcome of the conversation.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is the tension between the protagonist's desire for emotional connection and his frustration with the situation. It challenges his beliefs about communication and family dynamics.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes a strong emotional response from the audience, drawing them into Divine G's struggle and creating a sense of empathy and connection.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue effectively conveys Divine G's inner turmoil and longing for home, capturing the emotional essence of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the emotional intensity and conflict between the characters, drawing the audience into the protagonist's struggles and desires.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and emotion, enhancing the impact of the characters' interactions and dialogue.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and concise, following the expected format for its genre and enhancing the readability of the dialogue and action.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene effectively conveys the tension and emotional depth of the characters' interactions, following the expected format for its genre.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures Divine G's emotional struggle through his phone conversation with his mother, showcasing his frustration and vulnerability. However, the dialogue could benefit from more specificity to enhance the emotional stakes. For instance, instead of general statements about wanting to come home, consider incorporating specific memories or feelings that highlight what home means to him.
  • The use of the pay phone as a setting is a strong choice, symbolizing the barriers and limitations of prison life. However, the scene could be enriched by including more sensory details about the environment, such as the sounds of the line of people waiting or the physical sensations Divine G experiences while on the phone. This would create a more immersive experience for the audience.
  • Divine G's emotional arc in this scene is compelling, but the transition from frustration to vulnerability feels somewhat abrupt. A gradual build-up of tension before he softens could enhance the emotional impact. Consider adding a moment where he reflects on his mother's words before responding, allowing the audience to feel the weight of his internal conflict.
  • The dialogue is primarily one-sided, which is effective in conveying Divine G's perspective, but it may leave the audience wanting more context about his mother's responses. Including snippets of her dialogue or reactions could provide a clearer picture of their relationship dynamics and the nature of their conversation.
  • The scene ends on a poignant note with Divine G expressing his desire to see his mother, which is powerful. However, it could be strengthened by incorporating a visual element that reflects his longing, such as a close-up of his face showing the emotional toll of the conversation or a shot of the line of people waiting, emphasizing his isolation.
Suggestions
  • Add more specific details about Divine G's memories of home to deepen the emotional resonance of his longing.
  • Incorporate sensory details about the pay phone environment to create a more immersive atmosphere.
  • Build up the tension in Divine G's frustration before he softens, allowing for a more gradual emotional transition.
  • Include snippets of Divine G's mother's dialogue to provide context and enhance the audience's understanding of their relationship.
  • Consider ending the scene with a visual element that emphasizes Divine G's emotional state, such as a close-up shot or a wider shot of the waiting line.



Scene 44 -  A Fight for Freedom
INT. PAROLE BOARD HEARING - DAY

Divine G sits in a room more befitting a congressman’s office
than a prison.

THREE COMMISSIONERS sit in high-backed chairs. Thumbing
through his file.

They make him a wait a long time before speaking to him.

LEAD COMMISSIONER FERGUSON
Mr. Whitfield, this is a Clemency
hearing for your conviction of
murder in the second, for which you
were convicted of 25 to life, as
well as weapons possession, second
and third, two counts on each, two
to seven and five to 15
respectively. The sentences are
verdict by trial.

DIVINE G
That’s correct.
LEAD COMMISSIONER FERGUSON
You have also served out your
sentence for criminal possession of
a controlled substance, third
degree, one to three year sentence
by plea.

DIVINE G
Yes.

LEAD COMMISSIONER FERGUSON
I’ll note at the outset we were
able to acquire the sentencing
minutes, which will be considered
as well as your parole packet.

DIVINE G
Did you also have time to review
the letter from the Jeffrey
Deskovic Foundation for Justice? I
received a letter saying there was
some issue with the timing of my
filing, but I sent it within the
submission window.

LEAD COMMISSIONER FERGUSON
No, we have it here. I believe I
saw that. But before we get to
that, we’ve got to finish defining
what it is that we’re talking
about. Now we’re talking about the
March 25th, 88 homicide of Rudolph
Migliarese. He had been shot many
times in the head and body.
Correct?

DIVINE G
As far as I understand.

LEAD COMMISSIONER FERGUSON
And in terms of this offense you
have exhausted your appeals, you
had the Innocence Project look at
this, Legal Aid, you hired an
investigator. Apparently you’ve
raised other issues of
prosecutorial and police department
misconduct. And there were some...
(reading)
...other exculpatory statements
made by another person that were
never given to you for your trial.
DIVINE G
Harold Wesley exonerated me on the
audio tape I submitted.

LEAD COMMISSIONER FERGUSON
But in the end your appeals were
not successful.

DIVINE G
To date. That’s correct.

LEAD COMMISSIONER FERGUSON
You do understand that we cannot
overturn or invalidate the
conviction of this court? We can
only take into consideration your
assertions of innocence and the
information presented to support
your claims.

DIVINE G
I understand.

LEAD COMMISSIONER FERGUSON
This tape that you submitted,
supposedly proving your
innocence...

DIVINE G
(excited)
Yes. Harold Wesley confessed to the
crime on that tape. But it was
buried, along with some other key
evidence.

LEAD COMMISSIONER FERGUSON
Yes, that’s part of the issue. It’s
been next to impossible for us to
verify the authenticity of it
because the person who made the
tape is deceased. And we can’t get
the DA’s office to return our
calls.

Divine G is unsure how to respond.

DIVINE G
I don’t...

LEAD COMMISSIONER FERGUSON
You understand that creates a
complicated legal issue, don’t you?
DIVINE G
Well, yes, but I can’t control--

LEAD COMMISSIONER FERGUSON
(barreling on)
--Since you’ve been in custody
you’ve been involved in numerous
programs -- it’s too long of a list
to go over every one -- but I have
a question about the theater
program. You’ve been involved in
that many years, have you not?

DIVINE G
Yes. I’m one of the founding
members of that program. I’m very
proud of it.

LEAD COMMISSIONER FERGUSON
And what part do you play in that
program? Actor, director...?

DIVINE G
No I’m not a director. I’m on the
Steering Committee, kind of the
board that guides the direction of
the program inside. And yes, I act.
Usually a few roles per production.
(growing more proud)
It seems like just acting in a
play, but it really opens up
something inside these men --
myself included -- that was closed
off. We all learn to get closer in
touch with our feelings.

LEAD COMMISSIONER FERGUSON
So are you acting at all during
this interview?

The air goes dead. The other Commissioners stare at him.

DIVINE G
(fumbling)
Well I-- Well no, not here. Of
course not. I mean this is-- This
is coming from the heart. I hope
that’s the way it’s being
interpreted, it’s coming from the
heart. I just--
(stops, takes a breath)
(MORE)
DIVINE G (CONT’D)
The program is designed to help
individuals learn management skills
and just, become better human
beings. That’s all I was trying to
get across.

LEAD COMMISSIONER FERGUSON
I read about the program. It’s a
good program. OK, any other
questions from the board?
(none)
Well thank you for answering our
questions, Mr. Whitfield. We’ll
take all this into account and
deliver our decision in two weeks.

DIVINE G
Thank you for the time. And thank
you for the consideration.

The back door opens. Divine G hangs there a moment as if
there might be more to say. Then he fades out of the room.
Genres: ["Drama","Prison"]

Summary In a tense parole board hearing, Divine G defends his innocence against murder charges while highlighting his positive contributions to a prison theater program. Lead Commissioner Ferguson questions the validity of evidence and Divine G's sincerity, creating an emotional atmosphere filled with vulnerability and hope. The hearing concludes with the commissioners promising to deliver their decision in two weeks, leaving Divine G with a mix of gratitude and anticipation.
Strengths
  • Strong character development
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Tension and emotional depth
Weaknesses
  • Some legal complexities may be hard to follow for some audiences

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene is well-crafted, with a strong focus on the legal aspects of Divine G's case and his emotional journey. The tension and uncertainty surrounding his parole hearing create a compelling narrative.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring Divine G's innocence and the impact of the theater program within the context of a parole hearing is compelling. It adds depth to the character and the overall story.

Plot: 8.5

The plot of the scene revolves around Divine G's parole hearing and his interactions with the parole board. It moves the story forward by delving into his past and the legal challenges he faces.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh approach to the legal drama genre by focusing on the personal growth of the protagonist through the theater program. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters, especially Divine G, are well-developed and show depth in their interactions. The tension and emotional struggles of Divine G are effectively portrayed.

Character Changes: 8

Divine G undergoes emotional turmoil and self-reflection during the scene, leading to potential growth and change in his character.

Internal Goal: 8

Divine G's internal goal is to prove his innocence and gain clemency for his conviction. This reflects his desire for freedom, redemption, and justice.

External Goal: 7

Divine G's external goal is to present his case effectively to the parole board and convince them of his innocence. This reflects the immediate challenge he faces in seeking clemency.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict between Divine G and the parole board, as well as the internal conflict within Divine G himself, adds depth and tension to the scene.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the parole board challenging Divine G's claims of innocence and presenting obstacles to his clemency.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high for Divine G, as his parole hearing could determine his future and his innocence. The outcome of the hearing has significant implications for the character.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by delving into Divine G's past, his legal challenges, and the impact of the theater program on his life.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the uncertain outcome of Divine G's clemency hearing and the unexpected turns in the dialogue.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is the tension between Divine G's assertion of innocence and the legal system's limitations in overturning convictions. This challenges Divine G's beliefs in justice and fairness.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from tension and anxiety to hope and vulnerability. The emotional depth of Divine G's character is particularly impactful.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is engaging and realistic, capturing the tension and complexity of the parole hearing. It reveals the inner thoughts and emotions of the characters effectively.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the high stakes, emotional depth of the characters, and the tension between Divine G and the Commissioners.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged throughout.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with proper scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a legal drama genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm contribute to its effectiveness.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the tension and gravity of a parole board hearing, which is crucial for Divine G's character development. However, the pacing feels uneven at times, particularly during the commissioners' questioning. The dialogue could be tightened to maintain a more consistent rhythm and keep the audience engaged.
  • Divine G's emotional journey is central to this scene, but his responses sometimes lack depth. While he expresses pride in the theater program, there could be more exploration of how this involvement has personally impacted him, especially in light of his conviction. This would add layers to his character and make his stakes feel higher.
  • The commissioners' dialogue is informative but can come off as somewhat procedural and dry. Adding more personality to the commissioners could enhance the scene's dynamics. For instance, one commissioner could be more sympathetic, while another could be more skeptical, creating a more engaging interplay.
  • The moment when Divine G is asked if he is acting during the interview is a pivotal point, but it could be more impactful. This question could lead to a deeper reflection from Divine G about authenticity and the masks people wear, tying back to the themes of the theater program and his personal struggles.
  • The scene ends rather abruptly after the commissioners thank Divine G. A more reflective moment for Divine G as he leaves could provide a stronger emotional closure. Perhaps he could have a brief internal monologue or a visual cue that signifies his hopes or fears about the outcome.
Suggestions
  • Consider revising the dialogue to make it more concise and impactful, particularly during the commissioners' questioning. This will help maintain tension and keep the audience engaged.
  • Add a moment where Divine G reflects on the significance of the theater program in his life, perhaps through a flashback or a brief internal thought, to deepen his character and emotional stakes.
  • Introduce distinct personalities among the commissioners to create a more dynamic interaction. This could involve varying their tones, attitudes, and reactions to Divine G's responses.
  • Enhance the pivotal moment when Divine G is asked if he is acting by allowing him to delve deeper into his feelings about authenticity and vulnerability, connecting it back to his experiences in the theater.
  • Extend the ending to include a moment of reflection for Divine G as he exits the room, allowing the audience to feel the weight of the situation and his hopes for the future.



Scene 45 -  Bittersweet Freedom
INT. PACKAGE ROOM - ANOTHER DAY

Diving G checks his mail one afternoon. There’s a LETTER.
From The Parole Board. It’s THICK, HEAVY.

He immediately knows what it says without opening it. We read
it all over his face.


INT. THEATER / WINDOW - A LITTLE LATER

Divine G steps to the small window looking out at the
mountains. Someone else is already there, looking out: Divine
Eye.

He holds his own LETTER in his hand. A single page. PAROLE
GRANTED.

Divine G steps up next to him. Sees tears have been running
down Divine Eye’s face. Divine G just looks out the window
and they both quietly stare out a while before speaking.

DIVINE G
You’re going home.

DIVINE EYE
I can’t believe it. It still
doesn’t feel real.
DIVINE EYE (CONT’D)
What about yours man? Have you
heard anything yet?

Divine G wants to do anything but stamp out Divine Eye’s
enthusiasm right now. Struggling over whether to come clean.

He begins to say something, but his words catch in his throat
and he looks back out the window.

Divine Eye looks at his friend.

DIVINE EYE (CONT’D)
I wouldn’t be here without you,
beloved. Thank you.

Divine G smiles. Thanks him without saying a word.

DIVINE G
Come on. They’re waiting for you.

They start walking back toward the theater.

DIVINE G (CONT’D)
You know you don’t have to carry
that thing everywhere with you,
right? They’ll let you out even if
you lose it.

DIVINE EYE
I have to keep looking at it to
make sure I read it right.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary In a poignant scene, Divine G receives a letter from the Parole Board, realizing he has not been granted parole. He joins his friend Divine Eye, who has just received news of his own parole, leading to an emotional moment filled with joy and gratitude. Despite his own disappointment, Divine G chooses to support Divine Eye's happiness, masking his feelings as they share a bittersweet farewell to the past while looking out at the mountains, symbolizing hope and longing.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
  • Authentic dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Limited external conflict
  • Slow plot progression

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys the emotional weight of Divine Eye's parole grant and Divine G's mixed feelings, creating a poignant moment of reflection and camaraderie.


Story Content

Concept: 8.5

The concept of contrasting Divine Eye's parole grant with Divine G's uncertain fate adds depth to the scene, highlighting themes of friendship, loyalty, and the impact of life-changing decisions.

Plot: 8

The plot progression focuses on the characters' emotional responses to the parole news, driving the scene forward through their interactions and internal struggles.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh approach to the theme of redemption and friendship, with authentic character interactions and emotional depth. The dialogue feels genuine and the pacing adds to the authenticity of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

Divine G and Divine Eye are well-developed characters with distinct personalities and a strong bond. Their reactions to the parole news reveal layers of emotion and complexity, enhancing the scene's impact.

Character Changes: 8

Both Divine G and Divine Eye experience significant emotional shifts in the scene, with Divine Eye's parole grant marking a turning point in his life and Divine G grappling with his own feelings of uncertainty and support for his friend.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to come to terms with his own parole decision and the implications it has for his future. This reflects his deeper desire for freedom and redemption.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to support his friend and navigate the emotional complexities of their shared experience. This reflects the immediate challenge of dealing with the news of parole.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 5

The conflict in the scene is more internal and emotional, focusing on the characters' personal struggles and uncertainties rather than external confrontations.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong in terms of the protagonist's internal conflict and the emotional challenges he faces in revealing the truth to his friend. The audience is kept on edge about the outcome of their conversation.

High Stakes: 6

The stakes are high on an emotional level for the characters, as Divine Eye's parole grant represents a life-changing moment for him and Divine G's future remains uncertain.

Story Forward: 7

While the scene doesn't propel the main plot forward significantly, it deepens the audience's understanding of the characters and their relationships, setting the stage for future developments.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the protagonist's internal conflict and the uncertainty of his decision to reveal the truth to his friend. The audience is left wondering about the outcome of their conversation.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the themes of redemption, friendship, and honesty. The protagonist struggles with whether to reveal the truth to his friend and how to navigate their changing circumstances.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, eliciting empathy and connection from the audience through the characters' raw and vulnerable reactions to the parole news.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue is heartfelt and authentic, capturing the characters' inner turmoil and support for each other. It effectively conveys the emotional weight of the situation.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its emotional depth, subtle character interactions, and the tension between the characters' internal struggles and external circumstances.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and emotional depth, allowing for meaningful character interactions and moments of reflection. It contributes to the scene's overall effectiveness.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and easy to follow, with concise descriptions and effective scene transitions. It follows the expected format for its genre.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with a buildup of tension, emotional resolution, and character development. It adheres to the expected format for its genre.


Critique
  • The emotional weight of the scene is palpable, particularly in the contrast between Divine G's heavy letter and Divine Eye's lighter, hopeful one. This juxtaposition effectively highlights their differing circumstances, but it could be enhanced by providing more internal conflict for Divine G as he grapples with his own feelings of disappointment while trying to support his friend.
  • The dialogue is succinct and serves the purpose of conveying the characters' emotions, but it could benefit from more subtext. For instance, Divine G's struggle to share his own news could be expressed through more nuanced dialogue or physical actions, such as hesitating or fidgeting, which would deepen the emotional impact.
  • The setting of the small window overlooking the mountains is a strong visual choice, symbolizing hope and freedom. However, the scene could be enriched by incorporating more sensory details, such as the sounds of the prison or the feel of the air, to create a more immersive experience for the audience.
  • Divine Eye's gratitude towards Divine G is a touching moment, but it feels somewhat abrupt. Expanding on their shared history or including a brief flashback could provide context for their bond and make the moment more impactful.
  • The pacing of the scene is generally effective, but the transition from the package room to the window could be smoother. A brief moment of Divine G reflecting on his own situation before joining Divine Eye could enhance the emotional resonance and provide a clearer connection between the two locations.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment where Divine G physically reacts to the letter before he steps to the window, such as crumpling it in his hand or taking a deep breath, to visually convey his internal struggle.
  • Incorporate more subtext in the dialogue, allowing Divine G to express his feelings indirectly. For example, he could make a comment about how he wishes he could share in Divine Eye's joy, hinting at his own disappointment without stating it outright.
  • Enhance the sensory details in the scene by describing the sounds of the prison or the weather outside, which could reflect the emotional tone of the moment and create a more vivid atmosphere.
  • Expand on Divine Eye's expression of gratitude by including a specific memory or moment that illustrates their bond, making the emotional exchange feel more earned and significant.
  • Smooth the transition between locations by including a brief moment of Divine G's contemplation or hesitation before he joins Divine Eye, which would help to bridge the emotional gap between the two settings.



Scene 46 -  Celebration of Gratitude
INT. THEATER - A LITTLE LATER

A SINGLE CUPCAKE is carried onstage where Divine Eye waits,
everyone gathered around him.

PRE-LAP: Audio of people telling stories of Divine Eye. The
stories continue as everyone congratulates him on getting
parole.

Divine G hangs back in the wings, watching it all.

After a few stories, Divine Eye speaks.

DIVINE EYE
This, um, reminds me of something
I read on the wall in the box. Got
me through my longest stretch in
there.
(thinks a moment)
(MORE)
DIVINE EYE (CONT’D)
We the willing, led by the
unknowing, have been doing the
impossible for the ungrateful for
so long, with so little, that now
we are qualified to do anything
with nothing.
(considers the cupcake)
I love yall man. Every one of you.
Now come up here and get some of
this. Everyone gets a taste, even
if its just a little one.
Genres: ["Drama","Comedy"]

Summary In a theater, Divine Eye is celebrated for his recent parole, with a single cupcake symbolizing community and sharing. As he reflects on a meaningful quote about perseverance, he expresses gratitude to his supporters. Meanwhile, Divine G observes from the wings, hinting at underlying tension. The scene concludes with Divine Eye inviting everyone to share the cupcake, emphasizing camaraderie and appreciation.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Humorous moments
  • Character growth
Weaknesses
  • Minimal conflict
  • Limited plot progression

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively combines emotional depth with humor, providing a touching moment of celebration and reflection on freedom.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of celebrating freedom and camaraderie in the face of adversity is well-executed, providing a meaningful moment for the characters.

Plot: 8

The plot revolves around Divine Eye's parole celebration, moving the story forward by highlighting the characters' emotional journey.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh approach to the theme of redemption and community support. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds depth to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters show depth and growth, particularly Divine Eye, as they come together to celebrate his freedom.

Character Changes: 8

Divine Eye experiences a significant change as he celebrates his parole, showcasing growth and gratitude.

Internal Goal: 8

Divine Eye's internal goal in this scene is to express gratitude and connection with the people who have supported him. This reflects his deeper need for acceptance and belonging after his time in prison.

External Goal: 7

Divine Eye's external goal is to share a moment of celebration and connection with the people who have gathered to support him. This reflects the immediate circumstances of his release on parole and the challenges he has faced.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 3

The conflict is minimal in this scene, focusing more on celebration and reflection.

Opposition: 5

The opposition in this scene is minimal, as the focus is on celebration and connection. There are no significant obstacles or conflicts that challenge the characters.

High Stakes: 4

The stakes are moderate in this scene, focusing more on personal growth and celebration rather than intense conflict.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by highlighting Divine Eye's journey towards freedom and the impact on the characters.

Unpredictability: 6

This scene is predictable in terms of its outcome, as it follows a traditional celebratory moment in a screenplay. However, the emotional depth and character dynamics add layers of complexity.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the themes of gratitude, resilience, and the power of community. Divine Eye's quote about being willing, unknowing, and ungrateful highlights the tension between personal agency and external support.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking feelings of gratitude, sorrow, and hope in the characters and audience.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue effectively conveys the characters' emotions, gratitude, and humor in a natural and engaging way.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it captures a moment of celebration and connection between the characters. The emotional depth and authenticity of the interactions draw the audience in.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building emotional tension and highlighting key moments of connection and gratitude. The rhythm of the dialogue adds depth to the character interactions.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene adheres to the expected format for a theater setting in a screenplay. The stage directions and dialogue are clear and concise.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for a celebratory moment in a screenplay. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the emotional impact of the scene.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures a moment of celebration and camaraderie, showcasing Divine Eye's growth and the support of his peers. However, the transition from the previous scene to this one feels abrupt. The emotional weight of Divine Eye receiving his parole could be better established by including a brief moment of reflection or anticipation before the celebration begins.
  • Divine Eye's quote is powerful and thought-provoking, but it may benefit from a clearer connection to the cupcake and the celebration. The quote feels somewhat disconnected from the context of the moment. Consider tying the sentiment of the quote more explicitly to the themes of hope and community present in the scene.
  • The dialogue in this scene is heartfelt, but it could be enhanced by incorporating more specific anecdotes or stories from the other characters. This would not only enrich the celebration but also provide deeper insight into Divine Eye's relationships with those around him.
  • Divine G's presence in the wings is a nice touch, indicating his support for Divine Eye while also hinting at his own emotional state. However, it would be beneficial to include a brief internal monologue or visual cue that reflects Divine G's feelings during this moment, adding depth to his character and the overall emotional landscape of the scene.
  • The cupcake serves as a symbol of celebration, but its significance could be emphasized further. Perhaps Divine Eye could share a personal story about cupcakes or celebrations from his past, making the moment more poignant and relatable.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment of silence or reflection before the celebration begins to allow the audience to absorb the significance of Divine Eye's parole.
  • Clarify the connection between Divine Eye's quote and the celebration by tying it back to the themes of hope, resilience, and community.
  • Incorporate specific anecdotes or stories from other characters during the celebration to enrich the dialogue and provide deeper insight into Divine Eye's relationships.
  • Include a brief internal monologue or visual cue for Divine G to reflect his emotional state during the celebration, enhancing the depth of his character.
  • Emphasize the significance of the cupcake by having Divine Eye share a personal story related to it, making the moment more relatable and impactful.



Scene 47 -  Costume Chaos and Character Reflections
INT. THEATER - DAY

ONER tracking backstage and frontstage as COSTUMES are
brought in by the program founder Katherine and the buzz is
palpable as everyone tries them on for the first time. The
outfits are eccentric. Outrageous.

Katherine jokes about the strange places she had to look to
find them but says its worth it seeing the men in them now.
Reminds them that every button and every zipper must be
accounted for.

Sets roll past us. Three men in a tree costume struggle to
walk together. Big E practices drawing his broccoli from his
belt. His scene partner a carrot.

We turn a corner as two of the female volunteers greet their
fellow cast like old friends.

We come to a rest on one of the new members wearing a gold
polyester suit, staring at himself in a mirror.

PETE
I haven’t worn a suit in fifteen
years.

Divine Eye guides him away from the mirror.

DIVINE EYE
OK, that’s good. Can you move over
toward the stage, brother? Lotta
guys need to use this mirror.

We follow Pete around a corner to land on Divine G, standing
beside the curtain, alone in his gladiator outfit. Spinning a
wig in his hands.

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Drama","Comedy"]

Summary In a lively theater scene, Katherine humorously leads the cast in trying on eccentric costumes, fostering a playful atmosphere. Characters like Big E practice their scenes, while Pete reflects on his long absence from wearing a suit. Divine Eye supports Pete by guiding him away from the mirror, showcasing camaraderie among the cast. The scene concludes with a contemplative moment for Divine G, who stands alone in a gladiator outfit, spinning a wig as he prepares for his role.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
  • Camaraderie
Weaknesses
  • Low conflict level
  • Low stakes

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively captures the emotional depth and camaraderie among the characters while setting the stage for a transformative journey through theater. The mix of reflective, somber, and humorous tones adds depth to the storytelling.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of using theater as a transformative tool for the characters is compelling and sets the stage for character development and emotional exploration. The scene effectively introduces this concept and paves the way for deeper storytelling.

Plot: 8

The plot progression in the scene focuses on character interactions, emotional depth, and the preparation for a performance, laying the foundation for future developments. The scene moves the story forward by establishing key themes and character dynamics.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces unique characters and situations, such as volunteers trying on eccentric costumes for a performance, which adds freshness and authenticity to the story.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-defined, each with their unique personalities, vulnerabilities, and aspirations. The scene allows for character exploration and sets the stage for potential growth and transformation.

Character Changes: 7

While there are hints of potential character growth and transformation, the scene primarily focuses on establishing the characters' vulnerabilities, aspirations, and camaraderie. The groundwork is laid for future character development.

Internal Goal: 8

Pete's internal goal in this scene is to overcome his discomfort with wearing a suit after fifteen years. This reflects his desire to step out of his comfort zone and embrace new experiences.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to prepare for the upcoming performance and ensure that every detail of the costumes is accounted for. This reflects the immediate challenge of getting ready for the show.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 5

The scene focuses more on character interactions, emotional depth, and camaraderie rather than intense conflict. The conflict is more internal and emotional, setting the stage for potential conflicts to arise in the future.

Opposition: 6

The opposition in the scene is moderate, with characters facing challenges related to costume fittings and preparations for the performance, adding tension and conflict to the story.

High Stakes: 4

The stakes are relatively low in this scene, focusing more on character interactions, emotional depth, and camaraderie. The emphasis is on vulnerability, gratitude, and the transformative journey through theater.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing key themes, character dynamics, and the transformative power of theater. It sets the stage for future developments and emotional exploration.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected reactions and interactions between the characters, adding a sense of spontaneity and excitement to the scene.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

There is a philosophical conflict between embracing new experiences and clinging to old habits evident in this scene. Pete's reluctance to wear a suit after fifteen years highlights this conflict and challenges his beliefs about stepping out of his comfort zone.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene has a significant emotional impact, capturing the characters' vulnerabilities, gratitude, and camaraderie as they prepare for a transformative journey through theater. The mix of reflective, somber, and humorous tones adds depth to the emotional resonance.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the characters' emotions, vulnerabilities, and camaraderie. It sets the tone for the upcoming performance and showcases the characters' unique voices and perspectives.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the lively interactions between the characters, the anticipation of the upcoming performance, and the humor infused in the dialogue and actions.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building anticipation and excitement for the upcoming performance, with a good balance of dialogue and action to keep the story moving forward.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with clear scene descriptions and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a backstage preparation scene in a theater setting, with a focus on character interactions and costume fittings.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the excitement and camaraderie of the cast as they prepare for their performance, which is a nice contrast to the previous emotional weight of Divine G's experiences. However, the transition from the previous scene's emotional depth to this light-hearted moment feels abrupt. It may benefit from a smoother transition that acknowledges Divine G's internal struggle while still allowing for the joy of the costume fitting.
  • Katherine's character serves as a humorous and engaging presence, but her dialogue could be more impactful. While her jokes about the costumes add levity, they could also serve to deepen her character or reflect on the significance of the costumes in relation to the men's journeys. Consider adding a line that connects the costumes to themes of transformation or identity.
  • The visual descriptions of the costumes are vivid and engaging, but the scene could benefit from more specific details about the characters' reactions to the costumes. For instance, how do the men feel wearing these eccentric outfits? Are they embarrassed, proud, or amused? Adding these emotional layers would enhance the scene's depth.
  • Divine Eye's role as a guide for Pete is a nice touch, showcasing his leadership and camaraderie. However, it would be beneficial to explore Divine Eye's feelings about the costumes and the performance. Is he excited, anxious, or reflective? This could add complexity to his character and provide insight into his journey.
  • The scene ends with Divine G alone in his gladiator outfit, which is a powerful visual. However, it might be more effective if there were a brief moment of interaction or reflection before the cut. This could help to establish a stronger emotional connection between Divine G's internal conflict and the external celebration happening around him.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment where Divine G reflects on the significance of the costumes or the performance, perhaps through a line of internal dialogue or a conversation with another character.
  • Enhance Katherine's dialogue to include a line that connects the costumes to the men's personal journeys, emphasizing the theme of transformation.
  • Incorporate more specific reactions from the cast members as they try on their costumes, showcasing their emotions and adding depth to the scene.
  • Explore Divine Eye's feelings about the costume fitting and his role in guiding Pete, which could add complexity to his character and highlight his growth.
  • Include a moment of interaction or reflection for Divine G before the cut, allowing the audience to connect his internal struggle with the external celebration happening around him.



Scene 48 -  Final Dress Rehearsal: A Moment of Celebration and Distraction
INT. ONSTAGE - LATER

The cast is onstage. Cheering as every set is shown off and
wheeled in.

We get a beautiful pep talk from Brent. This is the final
dress rehearsal before opening night. He thanks the men for
trusting the process, for trusting him to be part of it.

We now drift across the stage as MOMENTS FROM THE PLAY
UNFOLD.

Throughout these moments WE TRACK DIVINE G as his mind seems
elsewhere.


INT. THEATER - ANCIENT EGYPT SET

The Egyptian Set is wheeled in. The prince does his Egyptian
slide across the stage. Two Egyptian guards stand beside
Mummy in her sarcophagus.


INT. THEATER - WHISKERANDOS TOWER

Leslie, Maid Marion, and a companion walk in place as
Whiskerandos Tower is wheeled closer. Tower is turned and
reveals Whiskerandos, He says his big line.

A remote controlled car brings a clue to their next
destination.
Genres: ["Drama","Comedy","Musical"]

Summary During the final dress rehearsal of a play, the cast celebrates as various elaborate sets are showcased. Director Brent delivers an inspiring pep talk, emphasizing trust and teamwork. As scenes unfold, including an Egyptian set and the Whiskerandos Tower, the excitement contrasts with Divine G's distracted demeanor, hinting at personal struggles. The scene captures a mix of celebration and tension, leaving Divine G's internal conflict unresolved.
Strengths
  • Strong emotional impact
  • Innovative use of sets and characters
  • Authentic character interactions
Weaknesses
  • Limited focus on external conflict
  • Dialogue could be more impactful

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively combines different tones and sentiments, showcasing the characters' emotional range and the importance of their upcoming performance. The use of various sets and characters adds depth and visual interest to the scene.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of showcasing a final dress rehearsal within a theater setting is engaging and allows for the exploration of various characters and their roles in the play. The scene effectively captures the excitement and anticipation leading up to opening night.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene revolves around the final dress rehearsal and the characters' emotional journey as they prepare for opening night. It sets the stage for the upcoming performance and highlights the camaraderie among the cast members.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh approach to the behind-the-scenes world of a theater production, blending traditional elements with modern technology. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and add depth to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters are well-developed and each has a distinct role to play within the scene. Their interactions and reactions to the rehearsal process add depth and authenticity to the overall narrative.

Character Changes: 7

Some characters experience subtle changes in their attitudes and perspectives as they navigate the rehearsal process and prepare for opening night. These changes contribute to their growth and development within the scene.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to stay focused and present during the rehearsal, despite his mind wandering elsewhere. This reflects his struggle to maintain concentration and engagement in the moment.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to successfully complete the dress rehearsal and ensure that the play runs smoothly on opening night. This reflects his immediate challenge of managing the final preparations before the show.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 5

While there is some internal conflict and emotional tension within the characters, the scene primarily focuses on the camaraderie and shared goal of putting on a successful performance.

Opposition: 6

The opposition in the scene is moderate, with the protagonist facing internal and external challenges that create tension and conflict. The audience is unsure of how he will overcome these obstacles.

High Stakes: 6

While the stakes are not explicitly high in this scene, the characters' dedication to their performance and the emotional impact of their journey create a sense of importance and significance in their work.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by setting the stage for the upcoming performance and highlighting the characters' emotional journey. It builds anticipation for opening night and deepens the audience's investment in the outcome.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the protagonist's internal struggle to stay focused and present, adding tension and uncertainty to the rehearsal process.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

There is a philosophical conflict between the protagonist's desire to stay focused and present in the moment, and his mind's tendency to wander elsewhere. This challenges his beliefs about the importance of being fully engaged in his work.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene has a strong emotional impact, ranging from joy and celebration to reflection and somberness. The characters' journey and the dedication to their craft evoke empathy and connection with the audience.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue in the scene is engaging and serves to further develop the characters and their relationships. It effectively conveys the emotions and motivations of the cast members as they prepare for opening night.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its dynamic setting, character interactions, and the sense of anticipation leading up to the opening night. The audience is drawn into the behind-the-scenes world of a theater production.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a balance of dialogue, action, and description that keeps the audience engaged. The rhythm of the rehearsal process adds to the sense of urgency and excitement.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a rehearsal scene, with clear scene headings, character actions, and dialogue. The visual elements are well-described, enhancing the reader's understanding.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a rehearsal scene in a screenplay, with a clear setup, development, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the effectiveness of the scene.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the excitement and anticipation of the final dress rehearsal, which is crucial for building tension leading up to the opening night. However, the transition from Brent's pep talk to the unfolding moments from the play feels abrupt. A smoother transition could enhance the flow and maintain the audience's engagement.
  • Divine G's distraction is an interesting character choice, suggesting internal conflict or preoccupation. However, the scene does not provide enough context for the audience to understand what is troubling him. This lack of clarity may lead to confusion rather than intrigue. It would be beneficial to hint at his thoughts or feelings to create a stronger emotional connection.
  • The description of the sets and characters is vivid, but it could benefit from more dynamic action or dialogue to bring the scenes to life. Currently, the moments from the play feel somewhat static. Incorporating snippets of dialogue or interactions between characters could enhance the energy and showcase the camaraderie among the cast.
  • The use of the remote-controlled car as a plot device is creative, but it may come off as whimsical in contrast to the more serious undertones of Divine G's distraction. Balancing the tone between the lightheartedness of the play and Divine G's internal struggle is essential to maintain coherence in the scene.
  • Brent's pep talk is a pivotal moment that could be expanded. Including specific examples of the cast's growth or challenges they overcame during rehearsals would make his speech more impactful and resonate with the audience. This would also serve to highlight the theme of trust and collaboration within the group.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment of Divine G's internal monologue or a visual cue that hints at his distraction, allowing the audience to connect with his emotional state.
  • Enhance the transition from Brent's pep talk to the play's moments by incorporating a visual or auditory cue, such as the sound of the curtain rising or the cast's laughter, to create a more seamless flow.
  • Introduce snippets of dialogue or interactions among the characters during the play moments to add depth and energy, making the scenes feel more alive and engaging.
  • Reassess the balance of tone between the whimsical elements of the play and Divine G's serious internal conflict. Consider how to weave these elements together to create a cohesive emotional experience.
  • Expand Brent's pep talk by including specific anecdotes or achievements from the cast, reinforcing the themes of trust and growth, and making the moment more resonant for both the characters and the audience.



Scene 49 -  Theatrical Despair
INT. THEATER - FREDDY KRUEGER

The growing shadow puppet of Freddy Krueger looms closer.


INT. THEATER - HAMLET

We enter this scene after Divine Eye finishes his soliloquy.
Now we see the bizarre turns that Mummy’s Code has in store
for us.


INT. THEATER - PIRATE SHIP SCENE

Focus on the entrance of the bathtub sailing across the sea,
the pirate ship entering the stage opposite.

We cut to Leslie and Maid Marion waltzing across the sea.
Then the pirates in Hawaiian shirts pair off and join them.
INT. THEATER - LATER

DIVINE G’S SCENE IN THE GLADIATOR COLISEUM IS UP.

He enters the stage with three others. He gives his line
reading, fast and flat.

DIVINE G
Zakariedies has got me locked into
a 25 year no-pay contract. If I
don't stay and be his number one
gladiator, he's gonna kill my wife
and daughters and feed me to the
lions.

The timing throws his scene partner, who stumbles. Then asks
for his line.

Brent starts to read the line, but Divine G railroads them.

DIVINE G (CONT’D)
(to first actor)
You say, We sure could’a used you
for some serious backup. Then I
say, Hey, well never fear,
Gladiator Goliathon is here. I’ll
smash ‘em, I’ll bash ‘em, whether
short or tall. Then,
(to second actor)
You say, Why, you’re just the kind
of person we need. You could be our
bodyguard, and hopefully you’ve at
least been rehearsing,
(turning to the theater)
And then I cap it off by moving up
and saying the profound line, Look,
if you can help me escape, consider
it done. And that’s the end of Act
IV.

Divine G looks out into the empty seats.

DIVINE G (CONT’D)
Oh yes, and remember, it’s a
comedy. So say it BIG! Say it
merry! Be HAPPY!

It’s dead silent in the theater.

BRENT (O.S.)
Um. Why don’t we take five and--
DIVINE G
Why? It’s not going to help. More
time and more time, if we don’t
have it now, we’re not going to get
it, don’t you all understand that?
Don’t you get that?

Divine Eye steps onstage. Leans in quietly.

DIVINE EYE
C’mon bro. Let’s take a walk.

DIVINE G
(snaps)
Get the fuck away from me!

He and Divine Eye stare at each other. Everyone in the cast
and crew is frozen.

The Divine G relaxes.

DIVINE G (CONT’D)
See? Anger is easy to play.

He looks out to the whole company.

DIVINE G (CONT’D)
What the fuck are we doing here?
These silly fucking outfits.
Dancing around, for what? So we can
do it all over again in six months?
Working our asses off. We kill
ourselves just to get permission to
paint cardboard and then what?

The others are looking down, shaking their heads,
disappointed in him, but no one stops him.

DIVINE G (CONT’D)
We’re just entertaining ourselves.
Dancing for them while they warm up
the chair. That’s the real fucking
joke.

DIVINE EYE
You done?

Divine G sighs, holding back tears, looks around.

DIVINE G
No. I’m not.
(long pause)
Isn’t that hilarious?
Divine G walks off the stage into the darkness until it
envelopes him whole.

In the void a door slams shut.
Genres: ["Drama","Theater"]

Summary In a tense theater rehearsal, Divine G delivers a powerful monologue expressing his frustration and existential dread about being trapped in a gladiatorial contract. As he questions the purpose of their performance, he lashes out at Divine Eye, who attempts to calm him. Despite Brent's suggestion for a break, Divine G's emotional turmoil escalates, leading him to walk off stage into darkness, leaving unresolved feelings and a heavy silence behind.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
  • Intense atmosphere
Weaknesses
  • Potential for audience discomfort due to intense emotions portrayed

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys a range of emotions and conflicts, providing a raw and intense look into Divine G's character.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring the emotional struggles of a character within a theater setting is compelling and well-executed.

Plot: 8

The plot progression in the scene revolves around Divine G's emotional outburst and the impact it has on the rest of the characters, adding depth to the overall story.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh perspective on the theater industry and the challenges faced by actors, blending humor and drama in a unique way. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and relatable.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters, especially Divine G, are well-developed and showcase a range of emotions and conflicts, adding depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 8

Divine G undergoes a significant emotional change in the scene, revealing his inner turmoil and frustrations.

Internal Goal: 9

The protagonist's internal goal is to express his frustration and disillusionment with the theater industry and his role in it. He is grappling with feelings of futility and dissatisfaction with his career.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to successfully perform his scene in the gladiator coliseum and convey the comedic tone effectively.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8.5

The conflict within Divine G and his outburst creates a tense and emotional atmosphere, driving the scene forward.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist facing internal and external challenges that test his beliefs and values.

High Stakes: 8

The emotional stakes are high in the scene, as Divine G's outburst impacts the rest of the characters and the theater production.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by delving into Divine G's emotional struggles and adding depth to his character.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected emotional outbursts and shifts in tone, keeping the audience on their toes and engaged in the characters' struggles.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the protagonist's disillusionment with the entertainment industry and the idea of art as a form of self-expression versus a means of entertainment for others.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, drawing the audience into Divine G's struggles and frustrations.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue effectively conveys the emotional intensity of the scene, capturing the inner turmoil of Divine G.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its blend of humor, drama, and introspection. The conflict and tension between characters keep the audience invested in the protagonist's journey.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and emotional impact, allowing moments of introspection and conflict to resonate with the audience.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene aligns with the genre of a theatrical setting, with clear transitions between different stages and character interactions. It enhances the visual and emotional impact of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a non-linear structure, moving between different stages and character interactions. It effectively conveys the protagonist's emotional journey and the dynamics within the theater group.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures Divine G's emotional turmoil and frustration with the theatrical process, which is a strong thematic element. However, the transition from the previous scene to this one feels abrupt. The shift from the whimsical pirate ship scene to Divine G's intense monologue could benefit from a more gradual transition to maintain the audience's emotional engagement.
  • Divine G's monologue is powerful and raw, showcasing his vulnerability. However, the pacing of his lines could be adjusted to allow for more dramatic pauses, giving the audience time to absorb the weight of his words. This would enhance the emotional impact of his frustration and despair.
  • The dialogue is strong, but some lines feel overly expository, particularly when Divine G explains the plot of his character's predicament. This could be streamlined to maintain the flow of the scene and keep the audience engaged without feeling like they are being lectured on the story.
  • The interaction between Divine G and Divine Eye is pivotal, but Divine Eye's entrance feels somewhat passive. A more active approach from Divine Eye, perhaps by attempting to physically guide Divine G offstage or using more persuasive language, could heighten the tension and urgency of the moment.
  • The use of silence following Divine G's outburst is effective, but it could be enhanced by incorporating subtle reactions from the cast and crew. This would provide a richer emotional landscape and emphasize the impact of Divine G's words on those around him.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment of reflection or a visual cue that connects the whimsical nature of the previous scene to Divine G's serious tone. This could be a lingering shot of the pirate ship or a character's reaction that hints at the contrast.
  • Incorporate more pauses in Divine G's monologue to allow the audience to digest his emotional state. This could involve breaking up longer lines into shorter, more impactful statements.
  • Streamline the exposition in Divine G's dialogue. Focus on the emotional stakes rather than detailing the plot, allowing the audience to infer the gravity of his situation without explicit explanation.
  • Revise Divine Eye's entrance to make it more assertive. Perhaps he could physically intervene or use a more compelling line to draw Divine G's attention, emphasizing the urgency of the situation.
  • Enhance the silence after Divine G's outburst by including subtle reactions from the cast and crew, such as gasps, nods, or shared glances, to create a more immersive emotional atmosphere.



Scene 50 -  Echoes of Abandonment
INT. THEATER - DAY

SING SING - VARIOUS

A series of shots of EMPTY SPACES throughout the prison:

- The THEATER. The stage filled with props, but dark and
empty.


INT. CLASSROOM - DAY

- A CLASSROOM. Filled with chairs, the lights out.


EXT. YARD - DAY

- The YARD. Wind blowing the dirt around. Little wrens
searching for scraps.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary The scene captures a series of desolate shots within a prison, showcasing an empty theater filled with unused props, a dark classroom, and a wind-swept yard where wrens search for scraps. Without any characters or dialogue, the visuals emphasize the somber tone of isolation and neglect, leaving a lingering sense of emptiness as the camera lingers on the abandoned spaces.
Strengths
  • Effective use of visuals to convey emotions
  • Strong atmosphere and tone setting
Weaknesses
  • Lack of significant plot progression
  • Minimal dialogue

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 7.5

The scene effectively conveys a sense of emptiness and loneliness through its visuals and atmosphere, setting a somber and reflective tone that resonates with the characters' emotions.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of showcasing the empty spaces within the prison as a reflection of the characters' emotional state is well-executed and adds depth to the scene.

Plot: 6

The plot does not significantly progress in this scene, as it primarily focuses on setting the tone and atmosphere rather than advancing the narrative.

Originality: 9

The scene demonstrates a high level of originality through its fresh approach to depicting prison life and the protagonist's internal struggles. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds depth and complexity to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 7

The characters' emotions and internal struggles are effectively conveyed through the desolate setting, adding layers to their personalities and motivations.

Character Changes: 6

While there is not significant character development in this scene, the characters' emotions and internal struggles are highlighted, adding complexity to their arcs.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to find solace or escape from the harsh reality of prison life. This reflects their deeper need for freedom, connection, or purpose.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to navigate the challenges of prison life and maintain their sanity or sense of self. This reflects the immediate circumstances of confinement and isolation they are facing.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 3

There is a low level of conflict in the scene, as the primary focus is on the characters' internal struggles and emotions.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, presenting the protagonist with challenges and conflicts that are difficult to overcome, adding tension and suspense.

High Stakes: 2

The stakes are relatively low in this scene, as the focus is more on emotional introspection and atmosphere rather than external conflicts.

Story Forward: 4

The scene does not significantly move the plot forward, but it adds depth to the characters' emotional journeys and sets the tone for future developments.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because it presents the protagonist with challenges and conflicts that are difficult to overcome, keeping the audience on edge.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the struggle between freedom and confinement, hope and despair, or individuality and conformity. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs, values, and worldview, as they grapple with the harsh realities of prison life.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a strong sense of sadness and loneliness, eliciting an emotional response from the audience and deepening their connection to the characters.

Dialogue: 5

There is minimal dialogue in the scene, as the focus is more on visual storytelling and atmosphere.

Engagement: 8

This scene is engaging because it captures the bleak and desolate atmosphere of the prison setting, drawing the audience into the protagonist's internal and external struggles.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively conveys the emptiness and isolation of the prison setting, contributing to its effectiveness in capturing the mood and atmosphere.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, effectively conveying the atmosphere and mood of the prison setting.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene effectively conveys the emptiness and isolation of the prison setting, following the expected format for its genre. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the scene's effectiveness.


Critique
  • The scene effectively uses visual imagery to convey a sense of emptiness and abandonment within the prison environment. The juxtaposition of the vibrant past performances with the current desolation creates a poignant emotional impact, reflecting Divine G's internal struggle and the overall theme of loss.
  • However, the scene lacks dialogue or character interaction, which may leave the audience feeling disconnected. While the visuals are strong, incorporating a voiceover or internal monologue from Divine G could enhance the emotional weight and provide insight into his feelings of despair and reflection on the past.
  • The transition from the previous scene to this one is abrupt, and while it serves to emphasize the void left by Divine G's departure, it may benefit from a smoother narrative flow. A brief moment of silence or a lingering shot on Divine G's empty space before cutting to the empty theater could create a more impactful transition.
  • The use of nature imagery, such as the wrens searching for scraps, is a nice touch that symbolizes hope and resilience amidst desolation. However, this imagery could be further developed to draw parallels between the characters' struggles and the natural world, perhaps by including a brief moment where Divine G observes the wrens, reflecting on their persistence.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a voiceover or internal monologue from Divine G to provide emotional context and deepen the audience's connection to his character during this moment of reflection.
  • Enhance the transition between scenes by including a lingering shot on Divine G's empty space or a moment of silence before cutting to the empty theater, creating a more cohesive narrative flow.
  • Explore the use of nature imagery further by having Divine G interact with or observe the wrens, allowing for a moment of introspection that connects his feelings of despair with the resilience of nature.
  • Incorporate subtle sound design, such as echoes of past performances or distant applause, to evoke memories of the theater's vibrancy and contrast it with the current silence, enhancing the emotional impact of the scene.



Scene 51 -  Circle of Betrayal
INT. CLASSROOM - ANOTHER DAY

The entire cast sits in a circle of chairs. The conversation
is chaotic, everyone talking over each other. The subject:
Divine G leaving.

Divine Eye sits in a chair at the edge, barely in the circle.

Brent is here too, mostly listening.

The cast is talking about Divine G, mostly talking shit about
him leaving them. Saying he betrayed them, betrayed the show.

Then someone’s voice cuts through.

DINO
Hey!

They all stop, turn to him. Dino focuses on one of them.

DINO (CONT’D)
You love this program? You’re
protective of it? How did you get
in here?

The man doesn’t answer, just looks down.
DINO (CONT’D)
(to another)
And what about you? You were
running meth through the yard, if I
remember right. And he fought for
you to be in this program. When
some of us didn’t think you should
be in here, to be honest.
(to them all)
Everyone has a breaking point, no
matter how strong they are.

JJ
So does that mean the rules don’t
apply to him? We have clear
protocols in place for this.

Everyone gets quiet. Divine Eye says nothing. Just observes.

After awhile, Brent speaks. Softly from the side.

BRENT
I remember my first time directing
a production in here. I decided all
the roles, who would get what
parts. It’s how you do it on the
outside, the director decides. Then
I brought that list in and Divine G
pulled me aside and said, that’s
not how we do it here. We decide
together.

Brent smiles. A few smile with him.

Brent thinks.

BRENT (CONT’D)
When the towers fell, I was so
worried about you guys. I called
all my friends, a few family
members, but I couldn’t call you. I
couldn’t make sure you were ok. The
second they let us in I came back
and Divine G was the first person I
saw. I cried at the sight of him.
He just pulled me in and let me get
it all out. Then he said, you good?
I said, yeah I think so. He said,
OK, well get your shit together. I
don’t need you worrying the others.

They all laugh. Then it gets quiet again.

Divine Eye stands and walks out of the room.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary In a chaotic classroom discussion, the cast confronts feelings of betrayal over Divine G's departure. Dino challenges the group's loyalty, while JJ emphasizes the importance of rules. Brent shares a nostalgic story about Divine G that briefly lightens the mood, fostering camaraderie. However, the unresolved tension culminates in Divine Eye's silent exit, leaving the group in a state of emotional disarray.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
  • Exploration of themes
Weaknesses
  • Lack of external conflict
  • Some characters not fully developed

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys the emotional turmoil and complex dynamics among the characters, drawing the audience into their conflicting emotions and highlighting the significance of unity and support within the group. The dialogue is poignant and reflective, adding depth to the character interactions.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring the impact of Divine G's departure on the theater group and the themes of unity and support is well-developed. The scene effectively conveys the emotional depth and complexity of the characters' relationships.

Plot: 8

The plot progression in the scene focuses on the emotional reactions of the characters to Divine G's departure, highlighting the internal conflicts and dynamics within the group. The scene moves the story forward by deepening the character relationships and setting up future developments.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh perspective on themes of loyalty, leadership, and friendship. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and relatable, adding to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed, each with their own emotional journey and reactions to Divine G's departure. The scene allows for character growth and exploration of their relationships, adding depth to the narrative.

Character Changes: 8

Several characters undergo emotional changes and growth in the scene, particularly in their perspectives on Divine G's departure and the importance of unity within the group. These changes add depth to the character arcs and drive the narrative forward.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to reflect on their relationship with Divine G and the impact he had on their lives. This reflects their deeper need for guidance and support.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to navigate the group dynamics and express their feelings about Divine G's departure.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict in the scene is primarily internal, focusing on the characters' emotional struggles and conflicting feelings towards Divine G's departure. The tension arises from their differing perspectives and reactions, adding depth to the narrative.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting viewpoints and emotional stakes that create uncertainty and tension for the characters.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are moderately high in the scene, as the characters grapple with their conflicting emotions and the impact of Divine G's departure on the theater program. The importance of unity and support within the group adds weight to the situation.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by deepening the character relationships, setting up future conflicts, and exploring the themes of unity and support within the group. It adds layers to the narrative and sets the stage for further developments.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected revelations and emotional moments that challenge the characters' beliefs and relationships.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the idea of loyalty, trust, and leadership. The protagonist challenges the group's perception of Divine G's actions and questions their own beliefs.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, eliciting feelings of sadness, resentment, and gratitude from the audience. The characters' emotional turmoil and the themes of unity and support resonate strongly, drawing the audience into their journey.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is poignant and reflective, capturing the conflicting emotions and internal struggles of the characters. It adds depth to the scene and enhances the emotional impact of the interactions.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the emotional depth of the characters, the conflict and tension in the dialogue, and the relatable themes of friendship and loyalty.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and emotion, allowing for moments of reflection and introspection to resonate with the audience.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and concise, following the expected format for a dialogue-heavy scene in a screenplay.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene effectively conveys the tension and emotional depth of the characters' interactions. It follows a natural progression that builds towards a poignant moment of reflection.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the chaotic emotions surrounding Divine G's departure, showcasing the cast's mixed feelings of betrayal and loyalty. However, the dialogue can feel overwhelming at times, making it difficult for the audience to follow individual characters' perspectives. This could be improved by allowing for clearer dialogue exchanges or moments of silence to emphasize key points.
  • Dino's intervention serves as a pivotal moment in the scene, shifting the focus from chaos to accountability. However, the transition into this moment could be more pronounced. The buildup to Dino's outburst feels abrupt, and a stronger lead-in could enhance its impact.
  • Brent's anecdote about his first directing experience adds depth to the scene, but it could benefit from a more explicit connection to the current conflict. While it highlights Divine G's collaborative spirit, it doesn't directly address the accusations being thrown around, which may leave the audience wanting a clearer resolution or connection to the present tension.
  • Divine Eye's role as an observer is intriguing, but his silence throughout the majority of the scene may come off as passive. It would be beneficial to give him a moment to express his thoughts or feelings, even if it's just a brief line or a reaction to the chaos around him. This would help to develop his character further and provide a counterpoint to the other voices in the room.
  • The scene ends with Divine Eye walking out, which is a strong visual cue of unresolved tension. However, it might be more impactful if there were a brief moment of silence or a reaction from the remaining cast members before the scene cuts. This could heighten the emotional weight of his departure and leave the audience with a lingering sense of the group's disarray.
Suggestions
  • Consider breaking up the dialogue with moments of silence or pauses to allow the audience to digest the accusations and emotions being expressed. This can create a more dynamic rhythm and emphasize key moments.
  • Enhance the transition into Dino's confrontation by providing a clearer buildup of frustration among the cast. Perhaps include a few lines that hint at the brewing tension before he speaks up.
  • Make Brent's story more relevant to the current conflict by explicitly tying it back to the themes of loyalty and collaboration. This could involve him reflecting on how Divine G's leadership has shaped their community and how they can honor that moving forward.
  • Give Divine Eye a moment to react to the chaos or express his feelings about Divine G's departure. This could be a simple line or a powerful gesture that adds depth to his character and highlights his internal struggle.
  • Consider adding a brief moment of reflection from the remaining cast after Divine Eye leaves, allowing them to process the conversation and the implications of his departure. This could serve to heighten the emotional stakes and provide a more satisfying conclusion to the scene.



Scene 52 -  Silent Acknowledgment
INT. MESS HALL - ANOTHER DAY

Divine Eye sits by himself, eating silently, full of
questions.

Someone walks across behind him, DROPS A WAD OF CASH on the
table by his tray. Divine Eye instinctively hides it under
his tray.

He looks up to see who has passed. Clay.

The young man he extorted crosses the room and sits with a
GROUP OF HARD-LOOKING MEN. He’s accepted into their ranks.

He looks across the room at Divine Eye. The young man looks
ten years older. It seems to have cost him a lot to get this
money.

He nods to Divine Eye. A moment of recognition.
Genres: ["Drama","Crime"]

Summary In a tense and reflective mess hall, Divine Eye sits alone, lost in thought while eating. A young man named Clay, who has previously been extorted by Divine Eye, drops a wad of cash on his table before joining a group of tough-looking men, signaling his acceptance into their ranks. Their brief moment of silent recognition highlights the complex and unresolved tension between them. As Clay appears older and weary, the weight of their shared history hangs in the air. The scene concludes with Divine Eye standing up and leaving, seeking to escape the uncomfortable atmosphere.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
  • Tension-building
Weaknesses
  • Limited dialogue

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys a sense of tension and reflection through the interactions and reactions of the characters. The somber tone and the weight of past choices are palpable, creating a compelling atmosphere.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring the repercussions of past actions and the internal conflict of the characters is well-developed and engaging.

Plot: 8

The plot progression in the scene focuses on Divine Eye's internal struggle and the consequences of his actions, moving the story forward in a meaningful way.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a familiar setting but adds a fresh perspective through the nuanced portrayal of power dynamics and moral choices. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and contribute to the scene's authenticity.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are richly developed, with Divine Eye's conflicted emotions and the young man's transformation effectively portrayed. The complexity of their interactions adds depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 8

Divine Eye undergoes a subtle but significant change as he recognizes the impact of his actions, while the young man transforms visibly throughout the scene.

Internal Goal: 8

Divine Eye's internal goal is to find answers to his questions and navigate the dangerous dynamics of the mess hall.

External Goal: 7.5

Divine Eye's external goal is to survive and establish his position within the group of hard-looking men.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict between Divine Eye and the young man, as well as Divine Eye's internal struggle, adds depth and tension to the scene.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Divine Eye facing challenges both internally and externally that keep the audience guessing.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high as Divine Eye grapples with the consequences of his actions and the impact they have had on others.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by delving into Divine Eye's internal conflict and the repercussions of his past actions, setting the stage for further developments.

Unpredictability: 7.5

This scene is unpredictable because of the shifting power dynamics and moral choices that keep the audience on edge.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict is between survival at any cost and maintaining one's moral integrity. Divine Eye must decide how far he is willing to go to survive in this harsh environment.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The emotional impact of the scene is significant, as the characters grapple with the weight of their choices and the consequences of their actions.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue effectively conveys the tension and emotional weight of the scene, capturing the conflicted feelings of the characters.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense character dynamics and moral dilemmas that keep the audience invested in Divine Eye's journey.

Pacing: 8.5

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension gradually and keeping the audience engaged in Divine Eye's journey.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character actions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with clear character motivations and escalating tension.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures Divine Eye's isolation and internal conflict through his silent meal and the unexpected cash drop. This moment serves as a poignant reminder of his past actions and the consequences they have on his relationships.
  • The visual contrast between Divine Eye's solitary figure and the group of hard-looking men emphasizes his alienation and the choices he has made. However, the scene could benefit from more descriptive language to enhance the emotional weight of this moment.
  • The nod of recognition between Divine Eye and Clay is a powerful moment that hints at shared history and unspoken understanding. However, the scene lacks dialogue, which could further deepen the emotional impact and provide insight into Divine Eye's thoughts and feelings.
  • The pacing of the scene is effective, allowing the audience to absorb the weight of the moment. However, it may feel slightly abrupt following the previous chaotic scene. A smoother transition could enhance the flow of the narrative.
  • The scene's tone is somber and reflective, which aligns well with Divine Eye's character arc. However, it could benefit from a stronger emotional anchor, perhaps through Divine Eye's internal monologue or flashback that connects to the cash drop and his past actions.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief internal monologue for Divine Eye to express his feelings about the cash drop and his past actions. This could provide deeper insight into his character and enhance the emotional resonance of the scene.
  • Incorporate more descriptive language to paint a vivid picture of the mess hall environment and the characters present. This could help to create a more immersive experience for the audience.
  • Explore the possibility of including a few lines of dialogue, either from Divine Eye or the group of men, to provide context for the cash drop and to further develop the tension in the scene.
  • To improve the transition from the previous chaotic scene, consider adding a moment of silence or a lingering shot on Divine Eye before the cash drop occurs, allowing the audience to feel the weight of his solitude.
  • Enhance the moment of recognition between Divine Eye and Clay by describing their expressions or body language in more detail, which could heighten the emotional stakes of their shared history.



Scene 53 -  From Isolation to Connection
INT. DIVINE EYE'S CELL - NIGHT

VARIOUS SHOTS of Divine Eye’s cell. Stacked cans of soup. Air
Jordans. Ramen for days. A wealth amassed over the years.

But not the wealth Divine Eye longs for any longer.

Divine Eye sits at his desk. Lit by a single desk lamp.

After a while he pulls out his script. Opens it to his first
scene. He starts mumbling, rehearsing his lines.


INT. CLASSROOM - LATER

Divine Eye is back with the rest of the cast.

Brent starts a warmup. He asks everyone to close their eyes.
He has them IMAGINE A FRIEND. Anyone they would like to see
who they haven’t in a long time.

BRENT
Now hold that face in your mind.
And open your eyes.

A man in street clothes stands there, smiling. This is
CHARLIE.

CHARLIE
Did it look like me?
They group explodes with excitement, everyone jumps up,
hugging Charlie.

CUT TO:


A LITTLE LATER.

Charlie sits in the circle with them. Telling a story.

He talks about what it felt like to go home. The first meal
he ate. The first person he saw.

Slowly, he becomes more vulnerable. He talks about his
struggles since going home. How hard it is to take the mask
off that sustained him in here. How he forgot how to accept
love.

CHARLIE
(looking for the words)
I’ve been talking to a counselor
and she says, you know, I might
have the, uh, the PT...

CARMINE
(softly)
PTSD.

Charlie nods. Tears in his eyes.

CHARLIE
I miss yall is all. I feel like my
family is in here and I’m just...

He starts to choke up. Has to stop.


CHARLIE (CONT’D)
(collecting himself)
Ah shit. Brent asked me to come in
here and pump you up before the big
show and look at me.

They all laugh with him.

CHARLIE (CONT’D)
Maybe, uh, maybe we can do a
exercise. Just cut it up a little.
Would that be OK?

BRENT
Yeah. Definitely. Let’s all get up
on our feet. Stop sitting around
like a sewing circle.
They all get on their feet and Brent starts describing the
exercise.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary In this poignant scene, Divine Eye reflects on his emotional emptiness in his cell, longing for deeper connections beyond material possessions. The setting shifts to a classroom where he rejoins the cast, led by Brent in a warm-up exercise that encourages vulnerability. Charlie, a newcomer, shares his struggles with PTSD and the challenge of accepting love, prompting laughter and support from the group. The scene highlights the contrast between Divine Eye's isolation and the camaraderie of the cast, culminating in a collective decision to engage in an uplifting exercise, symbolizing a shift towards community and connection.
Strengths
  • Authentic dialogue
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
  • Supportive atmosphere
Weaknesses
  • Limited plot progression
  • Low external conflict

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys the emotional depth and vulnerability of the characters, creating a poignant and reflective atmosphere. The dialogue and interactions feel genuine and heartfelt, drawing the audience into the characters' struggles and triumphs.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring vulnerability and the challenges of reintegration into society after prison is compelling and well-developed. The scene effectively conveys the emotional complexity of the characters' experiences and the importance of support and understanding.

Plot: 7.5

While the scene does not significantly advance the main plot, it serves as a crucial moment of character development and emotional exploration. The focus on individual struggles and support within the group adds depth to the overall narrative.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces unique situations such as characters sharing personal stories and engaging in emotional exercises. The dialogue feels authentic and resonates with the audience.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-defined and showcase a range of emotions and experiences, allowing for meaningful interactions and growth. Each character's journey is compelling and adds depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 8

Several characters experience significant emotional growth and vulnerability in the scene, particularly Charlie, who opens up about his struggles and the challenges of reintegration. The moment of connection and support marks a pivotal change in his journey.

Internal Goal: 8

Divine Eye's internal goal in this scene is to connect with his emotions and prepare for a performance. This reflects his deeper need for validation and expression of his true self.

External Goal: 7

Divine Eye's external goal is to pump up his fellow cast members before a big show. This reflects the immediate challenge of motivating and inspiring his peers.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 4

The scene is more focused on emotional exploration and character development than on external conflict. The tension arises from the characters' internal struggles and the challenges they face in transitioning back to society.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong in terms of emotional challenges and character growth, creating uncertainty and tension for the audience.

High Stakes: 3

The stakes in the scene are more internal and emotional, focusing on the characters' personal struggles and growth. While the challenges they face are significant, the scene emphasizes the importance of support and resilience in overcoming them.

Story Forward: 6

While the scene does not drive the main plot forward significantly, it adds depth and complexity to the characters' arcs, setting the stage for future developments. The focus on emotional exploration enriches the overall narrative.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable in terms of character revelations and emotional twists, keeping the audience engaged and invested.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the themes of vulnerability, acceptance, and connection. Charlie's struggle to open up and accept love challenges the characters' beliefs about strength and emotional expression.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, eliciting feelings of sadness, hope, and gratitude from the audience. The vulnerability and authenticity of the characters' experiences resonate deeply, creating a powerful connection with the viewers.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is authentic and poignant, capturing the characters' emotions and struggles effectively. The conversations feel natural and contribute to the scene's emotional impact.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its emotional depth, character development, and relatable themes of vulnerability and connection.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and emotional depth, allowing for moments of reflection and connection between characters.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a structured format with clear transitions between locations and character interactions, contributing to its effectiveness.


Critique
  • The scene effectively contrasts Divine Eye's material wealth with his emotional emptiness, which is a strong thematic element. However, the transition from his solitary reflection in the cell to the lively classroom could be more fluid. The abrupt shift in tone may disorient the audience.
  • Charlie's introduction is engaging and serves as a catalyst for emotional vulnerability within the group. However, the dialogue could benefit from more specificity regarding his experiences. This would deepen the audience's connection to his struggles and enhance the emotional weight of his story.
  • The use of humor in Charlie's dialogue is a nice touch, but it feels slightly forced in the context of his emotional revelation. Balancing humor with the gravity of his situation could create a more authentic emotional arc.
  • The scene lacks a clear emotional climax or resolution. While Charlie's vulnerability is impactful, the scene could benefit from a stronger conclusion that ties back to Divine Eye's journey and the overall themes of connection and healing.
  • The visual descriptions of Divine Eye's cell are effective in establishing his character's situation, but they could be expanded to include more sensory details. This would create a richer atmosphere and enhance the audience's immersion in the setting.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment of reflection for Divine Eye after Charlie's story, allowing him to process the emotional weight of the conversation and connect it back to his own struggles.
  • Enhance Charlie's backstory by incorporating specific anecdotes about his time after release, which would provide a clearer picture of his challenges and make his emotional state more relatable.
  • Introduce a physical activity or exercise that ties into the themes of vulnerability and connection, allowing the characters to engage with each other in a way that reflects their emotional journeys.
  • Create a stronger emotional arc for the scene by building up to a moment of collective catharsis among the cast, perhaps through a shared exercise or a group affirmation that reinforces their bond.
  • Incorporate more sensory details in the descriptions of both Divine Eye's cell and the classroom setting to create a more vivid contrast between isolation and community.



Scene 54 -  Reflections by the River
EXT. YARD / STAIRCASE - AFTERNOON

Divine Eye sees Divine G across the yard, sitting on some
stairs. Watching the Hudson River. The town beyond the river.
People going home.

Soon he crosses the yard and sits quietly with him.

After a while the passenger train goes through the yard.

Divine Eye lets the silence settle back in before he knows
what to say.

DIVINE EYE
You know, I lied when I came into
the program. I said I didn’t know
what those plays were and I just
wanted to talk to the chicks and
all that. I mean, I did want to
talk to chicks, but I knew about
the plays. I was artistic, you
know. When I was a kid.

Divine G is listening.

DIVINE EYE (CONT’D)
I painted. Drew a lot. Anytime my
mom’s friends were sick, she’d have
me draw a card for them. Or paint
something. But I was always, you
know, I didn’t look like an artist.
So other plans were set for me.
When I got to be like twelve, I
didn’t draw any more. My moms was
always asking why don’t you draw
something for me and I just... I
wasn’t nice about it.

Divine Eye gets quiet, looks around the yard. His world here.

DIVINE EYE (CONT’D)
I was out here in the yard one day,
couple years back, and it starts
pouring rain, so they shut it down.
But I had some business to do. So I
go to the theater, did what I had
to do, then I just sat there,
nowhere else to be. But all you
cats were putting on a play.
DIVINE G
Which one was it?

DIVINE EYE
The one with the... guys in the
asylum--

DIVINE G
Cuckoo’s Nest. Not a comedy.

DIVINE EYE
(smiles at that)
Nope. But here’s what it was. See,
before that day, I thought I was
free. I did whatever I wanted. I
was a wolf. But I saw you up on
stage, crying over someone who
died, and I realized, I ain’t free.
I wear a mask. Every day. All of us
do. Except for you. And I needed
that. I watched every play you were
in after that. I got on the waiting
list and I spent a whole year
getting no tickets, just so I could
know what that felt like.

Divine G doesn’t know how to respond.

DIVINE EYE (CONT’D)
You don’t know how to ask for help.
And you don’t trust it when it’s
offered. But you need it. Just like
the rest of us. You just have to
ask for it.

DIVINE G
I knew you were lying about that
too. I never forget a face out in
that crowd.

DIVINE EYE
(laughs)
Yeah right.

They watch the geese float over the river.

DIVINE G
I fucked up.

DIVINE EYE
You did.

Divine Eye lets that hang.
DIVINE EYE (CONT’D)
But the thing is, everyone in RTA
took a vote. They know you. They
know that wasn’t you. You would be
welcome back. On just one
condition.

DIVINE G
What’s that?

DIVINE EYE
You gotta admit that I absolutely
crushed that soliloquy. Like,
Shakespeare himself rolled around
in his grave just a little so he
could hear what I was bringing to
it.

Divine G laughs.

DIVINE G
You did. You did, my beloved.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary In a serene setting overlooking the Hudson River, Divine Eye confides in Divine G about his past, revealing his struggles with authenticity and artistic passion. As they share a moment of vulnerability, Divine Eye encourages Divine G to seek help and acknowledges their shared mistakes. Their conversation shifts to light-hearted banter about Divine Eye's recent performance, culminating in a reaffirmation of their bond as Divine G laughs and recognizes Divine Eye's talent.
Strengths
  • Authentic dialogue
  • Emotional depth
  • Character exploration
Weaknesses
  • Lack of external conflict
  • Limited action

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9.2

The scene is emotionally rich, with deep character exploration and a poignant conversation between Divine Eye and Divine G. The dialogue is authentic and reveals layers of the characters' personalities, making it a standout moment in the screenplay.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of exploring hidden talents, vulnerability, and the importance of seeking help is effectively conveyed through the interaction between Divine Eye and Divine G. It adds depth to the characters and advances the themes of the screenplay.

Plot: 9

The scene contributes to character development and emotional depth, moving the story forward by revealing key aspects of Divine Eye's past and his relationship with Divine G. It adds complexity to the narrative and sets up future conflicts.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh perspective on themes of self-discovery and authenticity, with nuanced character interactions and emotional depth. The dialogue feels authentic and relatable, adding to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9.5

The scene provides a deep insight into the characters of Divine Eye and Divine G, showcasing their vulnerabilities, regrets, and hidden talents. Their dynamic and evolving relationship is compelling and adds depth to the overall story.

Character Changes: 8

Divine Eye experiences a moment of self-reflection and vulnerability, revealing his hidden artistic talents and longing for authenticity. This marks a significant change in his character, setting the stage for further development.

Internal Goal: 9

The protagonist's internal goal is to confess his true feelings about his artistic past and the impact of theater on his life. This reflects his deeper desire for authenticity and self-acceptance.

External Goal: 8

The protagonist's external goal is to offer support and encouragement to Divine G, urging him to seek help and return to the theater program. This reflects the immediate challenge of rebuilding trust and confidence.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

While there is an underlying tension between Divine Eye and Divine G, the scene focuses more on emotional introspection and character development rather than external conflict. The conflict is more internal and subtle.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting emotions and desires driving the characters' interactions. The uncertainty of the characters' choices adds depth and tension to the scene.

High Stakes: 6

While the stakes are not overtly high in this scene, the emotional stakes are significant as Divine Eye and Divine G confront their vulnerabilities and past mistakes. The scene sets the stage for potential conflicts and resolutions.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by deepening the characters' relationships, revealing key aspects of Divine Eye's past, and setting up future conflicts. It adds depth to the narrative and advances the overall plot.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected emotional revelations and character dynamics. The audience is kept on their toes as the characters navigate their inner conflicts and relationships.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict revolves around the themes of authenticity and self-expression versus conformity and societal expectations. The protagonist grapples with the idea of wearing a mask versus being true to oneself.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9.5

The scene has a high emotional impact, delving into themes of regret, longing, and acceptance. The heartfelt conversation between Divine Eye and Divine G evokes empathy and resonates with the audience, creating a powerful moment.

Dialogue: 9.2

The dialogue is authentic, emotional, and revealing, capturing the essence of the characters' inner struggles and desires. It drives the scene forward and establishes a strong emotional connection with the audience.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its emotional depth, character development, and relatable themes of self-discovery and authenticity. The dialogue and interactions draw the audience in and create a sense of connection.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by allowing moments of silence and reflection to enhance the emotional impact of the dialogue. The rhythm of the scene builds tension and engagement.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character dialogue. The formatting enhances the readability and flow of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a natural progression of dialogue and character interactions, building tension and emotional depth effectively. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the scene's effectiveness.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures a moment of vulnerability and reflection between Divine Eye and Divine G, showcasing their character development and the emotional weight of their pasts. The dialogue feels authentic and relatable, particularly Divine Eye's admission about his artistic background and the metaphor of wearing a mask, which resonates with the overarching themes of identity and freedom.
  • The pacing of the scene is well-structured, allowing for moments of silence that enhance the emotional gravity of the conversation. The use of the Hudson River and the train passing by serves as a poignant backdrop, symbolizing the passage of time and the characters' longing for freedom and connection.
  • However, the scene could benefit from a clearer emotional arc. While Divine Eye's confession is impactful, Divine G's response feels somewhat passive. Strengthening Divine G's emotional engagement could enhance the scene's overall impact. For instance, he could share his own struggles or reflect on how Divine Eye's words resonate with his experiences.
  • The humor introduced at the end, particularly Divine Eye's playful challenge to Divine G, provides a nice balance to the heavier themes. However, it might feel slightly abrupt given the preceding emotional weight. A smoother transition into humor could help maintain the scene's flow.
  • The dialogue is generally strong, but there are moments where it could be tightened for clarity. For example, Divine Eye's explanation of his past could be more concise, focusing on the key elements that contribute to his character's journey without losing the emotional essence.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment where Divine G reflects on his own past or mistakes in response to Divine Eye's confession. This could create a more dynamic exchange and deepen their connection.
  • To enhance the emotional arc, allow Divine G to express a moment of vulnerability or regret that mirrors Divine Eye's admission. This could be a brief anecdote or a realization that ties back to their shared experiences.
  • Smooth the transition into humor by incorporating a lighter moment earlier in the scene, perhaps through a shared memory or a playful observation about their surroundings before diving into the heavier topics.
  • Tighten the dialogue by focusing on the most impactful lines and reducing any repetitive elements. This will help maintain the scene's emotional intensity while keeping the audience engaged.
  • Consider using visual elements more actively to reflect the characters' emotional states. For example, as Divine Eye speaks about wearing a mask, you could describe his body language or facial expressions to emphasize his internal struggle.



Scene 55 -  Unity in Performance
INT. THEATER - EVENING

BACKSTAGE.

The cast is in a tight huddle.

Divine G looks across the cast. They look him back at him,
waiting for him to say something.

DIVINE G
I thought I was stronger. And uh...
I’m just grateful for this family.

And everyone understands this. They nod. Welcome him back.

Then one actor starts a chant that the others soon join.

ALL
(starting quiet)
Energy. Energy. Flowing through my
body.
(a little louder)
Energy. Energy! Flowing through my
body.

The circle is now alive, swaying back and forth. Splitting
off and dancing.
ALL (CONT’D)
ENERGY! ENERGY!! FLOWING THROUGH MY
BODY!!!

CUT TO:

ONSTAGE. LATER. JUST BEFORE SHOWTIME.

The stage crew is shepherding in the sets for the first
scene.

Divine G and Divine Eye stand on stage, on their marks. The
curtain closed before them. Props around them.

They are still. Ready.

The din of the audience falls to a hush. A quietness shot
through with anticipation.

The Divines share one last look. A fleeting moment.

And then...

The curtains open to a WASH OF LIGHT.

A roar of applause.

WASH TO WHITE.


INT. CORRIDOR - DAYS LATER

Divine G is walking down the cellblock, escorted by a CO,
passing one cell after another. Each a little microcosm,
showing the life of the person inside.

CO
Yall were pretty good out there the
other night.
Genres: ["Drama","Prison"]

Summary Backstage at a theater, Divine G expresses gratitude to the cast, acknowledging his vulnerability. The cast responds with an energetic chant, creating a lively atmosphere. As the scene shifts to the stage, Divine G and Divine Eye share a meaningful look before the performance begins, met with applause from the audience. The scene concludes with Divine G being escorted down a prison cellblock, where a CO compliments their performance, highlighting the bond and support among the cast.
Strengths
  • Strong emotional impact
  • Authentic character interactions
  • Exploration of themes of unity and acceptance
Weaknesses
  • Limited plot progression
  • Minimal conflict

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys a range of emotions and themes, with strong character development and a sense of unity among the cast members. The emotional impact and the importance of character changes are significant, but there is room for further exploration of conflict and plot progression.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of unity and acceptance within the theater community is well-developed and explored in the scene. The themes of gratitude, support, and vulnerability are effectively portrayed.

Plot: 7.5

The plot progression is somewhat limited in this scene, focusing more on character interactions and emotional depth. While the scene moves the story forward in terms of character development, there is room for further exploration of conflict and stakes.

Originality: 9

The scene showcases a fresh approach to the backstage dynamics of a theater production, with a focus on emotional vulnerability and unity among the cast members. The dialogue feels authentic and heartfelt, adding to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed and showcase a range of emotions and vulnerabilities. The interactions between Divine G and Divine Eye are particularly compelling, highlighting their growth and connection.

Character Changes: 8

The characters, particularly Divine G and Divine Eye, undergo significant emotional growth and change in the scene. Their journey towards acceptance and unity is central to the character development.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to find strength and gratitude in the face of challenges. This reflects his deeper need for support and belonging, as well as his desire to overcome personal struggles.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to deliver a successful performance on stage. This reflects the immediate circumstances of being in a live theater production and facing the audience's expectations.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

The conflict in the scene is minimal, focusing more on emotional struggles and character dynamics. While there is tension and unresolved issues, the scene prioritizes unity and acceptance over conflict.

Opposition: 6

The opposition in the scene is moderate, with the protagonist facing internal struggles and external challenges in the form of the live performance. The audience is kept on edge about how the performance will unfold.

High Stakes: 5

The stakes in the scene are relatively low, focusing more on emotional struggles and character dynamics. While there is tension and unresolved issues, the scene prioritizes unity and acceptance over high stakes.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward in terms of character development and emotional depth. While the plot progression is limited, the focus on unity and acceptance adds depth to the overall narrative.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the emotional vulnerability and unexpected moments of unity and support among the characters, adding layers of complexity to the narrative.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

There is a philosophical conflict between the protagonist's personal struggles and the need to present a strong and confident persona on stage. This challenges his beliefs about vulnerability and strength.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking feelings of gratitude, acceptance, and vulnerability. The moments of unity and support resonate with the audience, creating a powerful emotional connection.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue effectively conveys the emotions and themes of the scene, with moments of reflection, gratitude, and support. The interactions between the characters feel authentic and meaningful.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its emotional depth, dynamic character interactions, and the sense of anticipation and excitement leading up to the performance.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and anticipation, leading to a climactic moment on stage. The rhythm of the dialogue and actions contributes to the scene's effectiveness.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and easy to follow, with distinct transitions between locations and actions. It adheres to the expected format for a screenplay in this genre.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for a backstage and onstage sequence in a theater setting, building tension and anticipation effectively.


Critique
  • The emotional resonance of Divine G's gratitude is a strong anchor for the scene, but it could benefit from more specificity. Instead of a general statement about being grateful for the family, consider having Divine G mention specific moments or individuals that have impacted him, which would deepen the audience's connection to his journey.
  • The chant that the cast engages in is a fun and energetic moment, but it feels somewhat generic. While it serves to uplift the mood, it lacks a unique flavor that could tie back to the characters' experiences or the themes of the play. Incorporating lines that reflect their struggles or aspirations could make it more meaningful.
  • The transition from the backstage energy to the onstage anticipation is effective, but the shift could be enhanced by including more sensory details. Describing the sounds of the audience, the smell of the stage, or the feel of the props could immerse the audience further into the moment.
  • The moment shared between Divine G and Divine Eye before the curtain opens is pivotal, yet it could be more impactful with a brief exchange of dialogue or a gesture that encapsulates their relationship. This would provide a stronger emotional payoff when the audience sees them perform.
  • The final cut to white is visually striking, but it may leave the audience wanting more closure. Consider adding a brief moment of reflection or a line that hints at the significance of the performance for both characters, which would enhance the thematic depth of the scene.
Suggestions
  • Add specific anecdotes or names when Divine G expresses gratitude to make his feelings more relatable and impactful.
  • Revise the chant to include lines that reflect the characters' personal journeys or the themes of the play, making it more unique and resonant.
  • Incorporate sensory details to enhance the atmosphere during the transition from backstage to onstage, allowing the audience to feel the excitement and tension.
  • Include a brief dialogue or gesture between Divine G and Divine Eye before the curtain opens to strengthen their bond and heighten emotional stakes.
  • Consider adding a reflective moment or line after the performance that hints at the significance of the event for Divine G and Divine Eye, providing a sense of closure.



Scene 56 -  Bittersweet Farewell
INT. DIVINE EYE'S CELL - A LITTLE LATER

Divine Eye’s cell is completely empty. He sits on his cot in
there.

Divine G smiles when he sees him, leans on the bars.

DIVINE G
They let me come down and say
goodbye. Still waiting?
DIVINE EYE
Been the longest two days of my
whole bid.

DIVINE G
I’ve heard that.
(of the cell)
You cleaned out.

DIVINE EYE
I didn’t have that much to start
with. Sorry I didn’t have nothing
to give you. I didn’t feel like I
had nothing good enough.

DIVINE G
You’ve given me plenty.

They sit with that a moment.

DIVINE EYE
This ain’t goodbye, you know. I’ll
see you out there before long.

DIVINE G
Nah...

DIVINE EYE
Come on man. Don’t get all, what’d
you call it, fatalistic. Don’t bum
me out on my last day in here.

DIVINE G
Nah, It’s not like that. I’m good.
Here. Whatever that means.

Divine G is thoughtful a moment.

DIVINE G (CONT’D)
I had a little brother, Jeffrey. He
had a, condition, it was
congenital. His heart wasn’t strong
enough to pump blood around his
body... looked all blue since I can
remember. It was ironic because he
was the biggest hearted person I
ever met. He knew things too. From
the time he was ten he started
saying he was gonna die soon, that
he wouldn’t be with us long. He
always said, Davey, don’t worry
mama when I’m gone. I used to get
so fuckin mad at him but...
(MORE)
DIVINE G (CONT’D)
it was just cause I was scared of
what he was saying. Scared of
losing him.

Divine G is quiet. Seems to be working out what he’s trying
to say.

DIVINE G (CONT’D)
I used to carry him to the park in
the afternoons. The 260 park in
Canarsie. He was a baseball fanatic
so we’d go down to the five
diamonds and watch the other kids
play. I don’t know anything about
baseball but I’d just sit there and
listen to him talk and talk. He saw
all these intricacies of the game I
just didn’t see.
(sighs)
After I lost him... I didn’t open
up. I took care of people but I
didn’t really... I didn’t want to
lose somebody I was close to like
that again.
(looks at Divine Eye)
I couldn’t stand you when you came
into the program. Couldn’t stand
the sight of you.

They both laugh at that.

DIVINE G (CONT’D)
Now I feel like I’m sitting on that
bench again with him. Knowing he’s
going someplace better, but wishing
so bad he’d just stay a little
longer.

Divine Eye stands and they hug each other.

DIVINE G (CONT’D)
Alright get out of here.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary In an empty prison cell, Divine Eye reflects on his time as he prepares for release. Divine G visits to say goodbye, sharing a poignant memory of his late brother, Jeffrey. Initially harboring resentment towards Divine Eye, Divine G acknowledges their bond and the bittersweet nature of their farewell. They embrace, expressing hope for the future before Divine Eye leaves the cell, marking the end of their emotional exchange.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
  • Poignant dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Limited plot progression
  • Low external conflict

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9.2

The scene is beautifully crafted, delving deep into the emotional core of the characters and their relationship. The dialogue is poignant, the character development is rich, and the emotional impact is profound.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of exploring Divine G's past and his struggles with emotional vulnerability is compelling and well-executed. The scene effectively conveys themes of loss, friendship, and personal growth.

Plot: 8.5

While the scene doesn't drive the main plot forward significantly, it serves as a crucial moment of character development and emotional depth. It adds layers to Divine G's character and strengthens the bond between him and Divine Eye.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh perspective on themes of loss and emotional connection, presenting a unique portrayal of characters grappling with their fears and vulnerabilities. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9.5

The characters of Divine G and Divine Eye are richly developed in this scene, with complex emotions and deep connections. Their relationship is explored in depth, revealing layers of vulnerability and growth.

Character Changes: 8

Both Divine G and Divine Eye experience emotional growth and vulnerability in the scene, deepening their connection and revealing new layers of their characters. Divine G opens up about his past and struggles with emotional vulnerability, while Divine Eye shows empathy and understanding towards him.

Internal Goal: 8

Divine Eye's internal goal in this scene is to maintain a sense of hope and connection despite his impending release from prison. This reflects his deeper need for human connection and emotional support.

External Goal: 7

Divine Eye's external goal is to say goodbye to Divine G before his release from prison. This goal reflects the immediate circumstances of his impending freedom and the emotional bond between the characters.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 3

While there is emotional conflict and tension in the scene, it is more internal and reflective rather than external. The conflict arises from Divine G's struggles with emotional vulnerability and his past experiences.

Opposition: 6

The opposition in the scene is subtle but impactful, adding a layer of complexity to the characters' emotional journey. The uncertainty of Divine Eye's future and the fear of loss create a sense of tension and conflict.

High Stakes: 4

The stakes in the scene are more emotional and personal, focusing on the characters' inner struggles and relationships. While there is tension and vulnerability, the stakes are not life-threatening or high in a traditional sense.

Story Forward: 7

While the scene doesn't significantly move the main plot forward, it adds depth to the characters and their relationship, setting the stage for future developments. It enriches the emotional landscape of the story and strengthens the bond between Divine G and Divine Eye.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable in its emotional twists and revelations, keeping the audience on edge and invested in the characters' journey.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the themes of loss, acceptance, and the fear of losing loved ones. Divine G's story about his brother highlights the conflicting emotions of love and fear.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9.5

The scene has a high emotional impact, drawing the audience into the deep emotional journey of Divine G and Divine Eye. The poignant farewell and reflection on loss evoke strong emotions and resonate with the audience.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is poignant and emotionally resonant, capturing the inner thoughts and feelings of the characters. It adds depth to the scene and enhances the emotional impact of the farewell between Divine G and Divine Eye.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its emotional depth, relatable characters, and poignant storytelling. The intimate moments between Divine Eye and Divine G draw the audience in and evoke empathy.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and emotional resonance, allowing for a gradual exploration of the characters' inner thoughts and feelings. The rhythm of the dialogue enhances the scene's effectiveness.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene adheres to the expected format for its genre, allowing for clear and concise storytelling. The dialogue and narrative descriptions are well-organized and engaging.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a coherent structure that effectively conveys the emotional depth and character development. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the scene's effectiveness.


Critique
  • The emotional weight of the scene is palpable, particularly through Divine G's recollection of his brother, which adds depth to his character and provides a poignant backdrop for the farewell. However, the transition from the previous scene to this one could be smoother. The abrupt shift from the CO's compliment to the intimate moment between Divine G and Divine Eye feels jarring. A brief moment of silence or reflection could help bridge this gap.
  • Divine G's monologue about his brother is heartfelt and serves to illustrate his vulnerability and the impact of loss on his life. However, it could benefit from more specificity regarding how this experience has shaped his relationship with Divine Eye. While the connection is implied, a clearer link between his brother's story and his feelings about Divine Eye's departure would strengthen the emotional resonance.
  • The dialogue effectively captures the camaraderie and humor between Divine G and Divine Eye, particularly in their banter about Divine G's initial dislike for Divine Eye. However, the pacing of the dialogue could be tightened. Some lines feel slightly repetitive, particularly in the reassurances about seeing each other again. Streamlining these exchanges could enhance the overall flow and impact of the scene.
  • The visual imagery of Divine Eye's empty cell is powerful, symbolizing both his departure and the emotional void left behind. However, incorporating more sensory details could enhance the atmosphere. For instance, describing the sounds of the prison or the feeling of the cot could immerse the audience further into the setting.
  • The scene concludes with a hug, which is a strong visual moment, but it could be more impactful if Divine G's final line had a bit more weight. Instead of a simple 'Alright get out of here,' a more reflective or poignant farewell could leave the audience with a stronger emotional punch.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment of silence or reflection after the CO's compliment to create a smoother transition into the emotional farewell.
  • Strengthen the connection between Divine G's story about his brother and his feelings towards Divine Eye by explicitly linking how his past experiences influence his current emotions.
  • Tighten the dialogue by removing any repetitive lines or sentiments, ensuring each exchange feels fresh and contributes to the scene's emotional arc.
  • Incorporate more sensory details to enhance the atmosphere of the cell and the emotional weight of the moment, allowing the audience to feel more immersed in the setting.
  • Revise Divine G's final line to carry more emotional weight, perhaps by expressing a deeper sentiment about their friendship or the journey ahead, leaving the audience with a lasting impression.



Scene 57 -  Divine G's Proposal
INT. CLASSROOM - SOME TIME LATER

Another day. Divine G and three others of the Steering
Committee sit in a circle in the classroom. A few seats
remain empty.

Divine G sips his tea and makes a few notes. The others are
still buzzing from the play, talking about what a joy it was
to do a comedy.
JJ
Yeah, but I thought a comedy would
be a lot easier than that.

The others laugh and agree. A new Steering Committee member,
SUAREZ speaks up.

BIG E
So what do we want to do next?

The room quiets. Divine G still isn’t saying much.

Others start to throw out ideas: 12 Angry Men, The Seagull,
Jitney.

DAP
What about one of Divine G’s plays?

Everyone looks to Divine G. He isn’t sure how to respond.

DAP (CONT’D)
Do you have one that you want to
do?

DIVINE G
I don’t know...

JJ
Come on man. Wasn’t there one about
a music man or something?

DIVINE G
Ah yeah. Fine Print. But that one
still needs some work. Lost in the
second act.
(thinks)
You know. I’ve got one that I wrote
a couple years back that could fit.
It’s called Pro Se. It’s about...

Divine G goes on describing the play.
Genres: ["Drama","Comedy"]

Summary In a lively classroom, Divine G and the Steering Committee discuss their recent comedic play and brainstorm ideas for their next project. Amidst the challenges of comedy, the conversation shifts to Divine G when DAP suggests using one of his plays. After some hesitation, Divine G proposes his play 'Pro Se' as a potential option, leading to a collaborative atmosphere as he begins to share more about it.
Strengths
  • Effective dialogue
  • Character development
  • Collaborative tone
Weaknesses
  • Mild conflict
  • Uncertainty without resolution

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.2

The scene effectively sets up a pivotal decision-making moment for the characters, showcasing their collaborative spirit and uncertainty about the future. It provides insight into Divine G's creative process and potential growth.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of choosing a play for the group to perform is engaging and sets the stage for character development and potential conflicts. It adds depth to the narrative and showcases the characters' creative aspirations.

Plot: 8

The plot progresses as the characters discuss and consider different play options, setting up future developments and potential conflicts. It moves the story forward while highlighting the characters' creative endeavors.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh approach to the familiar setting of a theater group selecting a play, with a focus on the characters' dynamics and creative process. The dialogue feels authentic and engaging, adding to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters are well-developed, each contributing unique perspectives to the play selection process. Divine G's creative dilemma adds depth to his character, while the rest of the Steering Committee showcase their collaborative spirit and humor.

Character Changes: 7

Divine G's consideration of his own play for the group showcases a potential shift in his creative confidence and willingness to share his work. The scene sets up opportunities for character growth and development.

Internal Goal: 8

Divine G's internal goal is to choose a play to perform that will showcase his talent and creativity. This reflects his desire for recognition and validation as a playwright.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to select a play that will be successful and well-received by the audience. This reflects the immediate challenge of finding a play that will meet the group's expectations and showcase their talents.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

While there is a mild conflict in the uncertainty surrounding the play selection, the scene primarily focuses on collaboration and creative decision-making.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene comes from the characters' differing opinions on which play to choose, creating conflict and uncertainty. Divine G's indecision and the group's expectations add to the opposition.

High Stakes: 6

While the decision of which play to perform is important to the characters, the stakes are relatively low in this scene. It sets the stage for future creative endeavors and potential conflicts.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by setting up the group's next creative project and potential conflicts. It establishes a foundation for future plot developments and character arcs.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because the audience is unsure which play Divine G will choose and how the group will react to his decision. The tension between safe and risky choices adds an element of unpredictability.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the tension between choosing a safe, well-known play like Divine G's 'Fine Print' or taking a risk with a new, untested play like 'Pro Se.' This challenges Divine G's beliefs about his own work and the group's willingness to take creative risks.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7.5

The scene evokes a sense of hope and nostalgia, as the characters reflect on their creative endeavors and potential future projects. It sets a positive tone for the group's artistic aspirations.

Dialogue: 8.2

The dialogue is engaging and reflective of the characters' personalities, adding depth to the scene. It effectively conveys the uncertainty and creative aspirations of the group.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the lively dialogue, dynamic character interactions, and the audience's curiosity about which play will be chosen. The banter and humor keep the audience invested in the characters' decisions.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and maintaining audience interest. The dialogue flows naturally, with pauses and reactions adding to the rhythm of the scene.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a dialogue-heavy scene in a screenplay, with clear character names, dialogue tags, and scene descriptions. The formatting enhances the readability and flow of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a dialogue-driven scene in a screenplay, with clear character introductions, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm of the dialogue contribute to its effectiveness.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the camaraderie and excitement of the Steering Committee after a successful comedic play, which is a nice contrast to the heavier themes explored earlier in the script. However, the dialogue could benefit from more distinct character voices to enhance individuality among the committee members. Each character should have a unique way of expressing themselves that reflects their personality and background.
  • Divine G's hesitance to share his play idea feels authentic, but it could be more impactful if the scene delves deeper into his internal conflict. Why is he unsure? Is it fear of rejection, or does he feel unworthy after the previous events? Adding a line or two that hints at his emotional state could enrich the scene and provide more depth to his character.
  • The transition from the previous scene to this one is somewhat abrupt. While the emotional farewell between Divine G and Divine Eye is poignant, the shift to a more lighthearted discussion in the classroom could use a smoother segue. Perhaps a brief moment of reflection from Divine G about the significance of the farewell before jumping into the committee meeting would help.
  • The suggestions for plays like '12 Angry Men' and 'The Seagull' are interesting, but they feel somewhat generic. It might be more engaging to have the characters suggest plays that are more personal or relevant to their experiences, which would tie back to the overarching themes of the script and their growth as individuals.
  • The scene ends with Divine G beginning to describe his play, but it feels incomplete. Providing a brief glimpse into the premise of 'Pro Se' could create anticipation and set the stage for the next scene. This would also help to establish a narrative thread that connects the characters' discussions to the upcoming challenges they will face.
Suggestions
  • Enhance character differentiation by giving each Steering Committee member a distinct voice or catchphrase that reflects their personality, making their dialogue more memorable.
  • Incorporate a few lines that reveal Divine G's internal struggle regarding sharing his play, adding emotional depth and making his character arc more compelling.
  • Create a smoother transition from the emotional farewell to the classroom scene by including a reflective moment for Divine G that acknowledges the significance of the previous scene.
  • Encourage the characters to suggest plays that resonate more personally with their experiences, which would deepen the thematic connections within the script.
  • Provide a brief overview of 'Pro Se' as Divine G describes it, giving the audience a taste of what to expect and creating a narrative hook for the next scene.



Scene 58 -  Curtain Call: A Reflection on Freedom
INT. THEATER - DAY

Music begins as we see grainy DV CAM footage begin of:

SEVEN YEARS OF CURTAIN CALLS.

We see the end of play after play, moments of Divine G with
rotating casts, dressed in an array of costumes from
different eras and countries, all stepping out as the
curtains part to take their bow. Intercut with ACTUAL FOOTAGE
of RTA performances.
Again and again.


INT. DIVINE G'S CELL - ANOTHER DAY

SEVEN YEARS LATER.

Divine G sits alone in his cell, a box on his lap. Everything
else has been cleaned out.

On top of the box, A LETTER. LIGHT AS A FEATHER.

His GATE clangs open. He steps out, carrying his box, and
stands outside his gate, waiting for his CO escort.

He looks around. His eyes land on Mike Mike’s old cell. A new
face looks out at him from it. A young man. They nod to each
other, a subtle moment of recognition.

Then the CO steps up beside Divine G and walks him away.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary The scene begins with a montage of seven years of curtain calls from various plays featuring Divine G, interspersed with footage of RTA performances, highlighting the importance of theater in his life. Seven years later, Divine G is alone in his prison cell, holding a box with a letter. As he prepares to leave, he shares a moment of recognition with a young man in Mike Mike's old cell before a correctional officer escorts him away. This moment underscores Divine G's nostalgia for his past and the transition to life outside prison, marked by a tone of reflection and hope.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
  • Reflective tone
Weaknesses
  • Minimal external conflict
  • Limited dialogue

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively captures the emotional weight of Divine G's departure, utilizing reflective tones and bittersweet sentiments to convey the passage of time and the character's growth.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of Divine G's departure after seven years in prison is compelling and well-executed, providing a poignant moment of reflection and growth for the character.

Plot: 8

The plot focuses on Divine G's departure and the emotional resonance of leaving prison after seven years, effectively driving the character's development and setting up future storylines.

Originality: 9

The scene demonstrates a high level of originality through its juxtaposition of past and present, its exploration of fame and downfall, and its portrayal of human resilience in the face of adversity. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds depth and complexity to the narrative, making it a fresh and engaging story.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters, particularly Divine G, are well-developed in this scene, showcasing growth, vulnerability, and emotional depth through their interactions and reflections.

Character Changes: 8

Divine G undergoes significant emotional growth and reflection in this scene, marking a pivotal moment in his character arc as he leaves prison and looks towards the future.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to come to terms with his past and the passage of time. Divine G is shown reflecting on his former glory in the theater and facing the reality of his current situation in prison.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to adjust to his new surroundings and navigate the challenges of prison life. He must adapt to his changed circumstances and establish connections with other inmates.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 5

The conflict in the scene is minimal, focusing more on emotional resolution and character development rather than external conflicts.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong but not overwhelming, providing a challenge for the protagonist to overcome while leaving room for growth and development. The subtle moments of conflict and tension add depth and complexity to the narrative, keeping the audience invested in the outcome.

High Stakes: 6

The stakes are moderate in this scene, focusing more on emotional resolution and character development rather than high-stakes action or conflict.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by resolving Divine G's arc in prison and setting up new possibilities for his character outside of the prison environment.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected connections and subtle moments of recognition between characters. The audience is kept on their toes, unsure of how the protagonist's story will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the contrast between past success and present adversity. Divine G must reconcile his former fame and talent with his current confinement and isolation, leading to a clash of values and self-perception.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking feelings of nostalgia, hope, and bittersweetness as Divine G departs from prison after seven years.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue is poignant and reflective, effectively conveying the emotional weight of Divine G's departure and the connections he has formed with other characters.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its emotional depth, thematic complexity, and character development. The audience is drawn into the protagonist's journey, rooting for his redemption and growth.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by balancing moments of reflection with moments of action, creating a dynamic and engaging narrative flow. The rhythm and tempo enhance the emotional impact of the scene, drawing the audience into the protagonist's world.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings, descriptions, and dialogue. The visual elements and camera directions enhance the storytelling, adding depth and visual interest to the narrative.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene effectively transitions between the two settings, building tension and emotional resonance. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the scene's effectiveness, creating a sense of anticipation and introspection.


Critique
  • The scene effectively uses a montage of grainy DV CAM footage to evoke nostalgia and highlight the passage of time, which is a strong visual choice. However, the transition from the montage to Divine G's cell could be more seamless. The abrupt shift from the lively theater to the starkness of the prison cell feels jarring and could benefit from a more gradual transition that emphasizes the contrast between his past and present.
  • The emotional weight of Divine G sitting alone in his cell with a box is poignant, but the scene could delve deeper into his internal state. Adding a brief moment of reflection or a voiceover could enhance the audience's understanding of his feelings about leaving the theater and the life he once had.
  • The moment of recognition between Divine G and the young man in Mike Mike's old cell is subtle and effective, but it could be expanded. A few more lines of dialogue or a shared memory could deepen this connection and provide a more significant emotional payoff, reinforcing the theme of continuity and change within the prison environment.
  • The use of the letter as a visual motif is intriguing, but its significance is not fully explored. Clarifying what the letter represents—whether it's a letter of acceptance, a farewell, or something else—could add depth to the scene and give the audience a clearer emotional anchor.
  • The scene ends rather abruptly with Divine G being escorted away. While this can create a sense of unresolved tension, it might leave the audience wanting more closure. Consider adding a final line or moment that encapsulates Divine G's feelings about his past and future, providing a more satisfying conclusion.
Suggestions
  • Consider incorporating a voiceover or internal monologue for Divine G during the montage to express his thoughts and feelings about the performances and what they meant to him, enhancing the emotional resonance.
  • Explore the significance of the letter more explicitly. Perhaps Divine G could briefly read it or reflect on its contents, giving the audience insight into his emotional state as he prepares to leave.
  • Expand the interaction between Divine G and the young man in Mike Mike's old cell. A few lines of dialogue could establish a connection that reflects the shared experiences of inmates and the legacy of those who have left.
  • Smooth the transition between the montage and Divine G's cell by using sound design—perhaps the applause fades into the sound of the prison gate clanging shut, creating a more cohesive flow.
  • Add a final moment of reflection for Divine G as he leaves, whether it's a look back at the cell or a thought about what he hopes to find outside, to provide a more rounded emotional conclusion to the scene.



Scene 59 -  First Steps to Freedom
EXT. THE GATE - SOON AFTER

Divine G stands with his paper sack. A twenty foot steel gate
lumbers open.

He steps in a narrow passage between gates. His heart starts
to thunder in his chest.

A CO steps out of an office a clipboard. We watch their
interaction without words from the watchtower, high as a
bird.

The CO makes a note and signals to the gate man in the tower.

The second gate groans, opening on a neighborhood street.

Divine G takes his first steps of freedom. He has trouble
breathing.


INT. / EXT. PARKED SUV - DAY

Peering through a windshield, we see a little road that wraps
around the prison fence, layers of razor wire in the
background.

Soon, Divine G comes walking around the bend. We pan to see
the person leaned on the hood of the car, waiting for Divine
G. Divine Eye.
DIVINE EYE
Was starting to get worried.
Thought you had decided to stay.

DIVINE G
I was just trying not to walk too
fast. Didn’t want them to see me
running, think I was escaping and
shoot me.

They laugh.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary Divine G stands at the prison gates, feeling a mix of anxiety and relief as he steps into the outside world for the first time. Observed by a CO from a watchtower, he struggles to breathe in the overwhelming sense of liberation. Once outside, he is greeted by Divine Eye, who expresses relief and lightens the mood with a playful joke about the absurdity of being shot for running. Their camaraderie eases Divine G's tension, marking the beginning of his new life beyond prison walls.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Character dynamics
  • Humor
Weaknesses
  • Lack of significant conflict

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys a mix of emotions through the characters' interactions and the significant moment of Divine G's release, with a touch of humor to lighten the mood.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of freedom, reflection, and camaraderie is well portrayed in the scene, setting the stage for character development and plot progression.

Plot: 8

The plot progresses with Divine G's release and the reunion with Divine Eye, setting the stage for potential character arcs and future developments.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a familiar theme of escape but adds a fresh perspective by focusing on the protagonist's internal struggle and the oppressive prison environment. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue enhances the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters of Divine G and Divine Eye are well-developed, showcasing their bond, humor, and emotional depth in the scene.

Character Changes: 7

Divine G experiences a significant change as he takes his first steps of freedom, setting the stage for potential character growth.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to overcome his fear and anxiety as he takes his first steps of freedom. This reflects his deeper need for liberation and his desire to escape the confines of the prison.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to successfully escape from the prison without being caught or harmed. This goal reflects the immediate challenge he faces of evading detection and reaching safety.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 3

The scene lacks significant conflict, focusing more on emotional moments and character dynamics.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist facing the challenge of evading detection and reaching safety, creating uncertainty and tension for the audience.

High Stakes: 4

The stakes are relatively low in this scene, focusing more on emotional moments and character dynamics.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by depicting Divine G's release and the reunion with Divine Eye, setting the stage for future developments.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because it keeps the audience guessing about the protagonist's fate and the outcome of his escape attempt.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is the tension between freedom and confinement. Divine G's desire for freedom clashes with the prison's oppressive structure and surveillance, challenging his beliefs about autonomy and control.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, especially in Divine G's release and the reunion with Divine Eye, evoking feelings of hope, nostalgia, and camaraderie.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue effectively conveys the emotions, humor, and camaraderie between Divine G and Divine Eye, adding depth to their characters.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it creates a sense of suspense and anticipation, drawing the audience into the protagonist's emotional journey and the high-stakes escape.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the protagonist's escape.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with clear scene headings and descriptive language that sets the tone and atmosphere.

Structure: 9

The scene follows the expected structure for a suspenseful escape sequence, building tension through the protagonist's actions and the unfolding events.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the emotional weight of Divine G's release, using visual elements like the steel gate and the narrow passage to symbolize his transition from confinement to freedom. However, the emotional impact could be heightened by incorporating more internal thoughts or sensory details that reflect Divine G's feelings as he steps into the outside world.
  • The dialogue between Divine G and Divine Eye is light-hearted and serves to establish their camaraderie, but it feels somewhat abrupt after the heavy emotional weight of the previous scene. A smoother transition or a brief moment of reflection from Divine G before the dialogue could enhance the flow and maintain the emotional tone.
  • The use of visual storytelling, such as the CO's actions and the watchtower perspective, adds depth to the scene. However, the scene could benefit from more descriptive language to evoke the atmosphere of the neighborhood street and Divine G's initial reactions to it, which would help the audience connect more deeply with his experience.
  • The pacing of the scene is generally effective, but the transition from the prison to the outside world could be more pronounced. Consider adding a moment where Divine G pauses to take in his surroundings, allowing the audience to feel the weight of his newfound freedom before he engages with Divine Eye.
Suggestions
  • Incorporate Divine G's internal monologue or sensory details to convey his emotions more vividly as he steps into freedom, such as the sounds, smells, and sights of the outside world.
  • Add a brief moment of reflection for Divine G before he speaks to Divine Eye, allowing him to process the significance of his release and the change in environment.
  • Enhance the description of the neighborhood street to create a more immersive experience for the audience, highlighting the contrast between the prison and the outside world.
  • Consider including a moment where Divine G hesitates or takes a deep breath before engaging with Divine Eye, emphasizing the emotional weight of his transition and the significance of their reunion.



Scene 60 -  Embracing Freedom
EXT. SING SING FENCE LINE - CONTINUOUS

Divine Eye meets G along the fence. They grab each other a
deep hug. Holding it for a while.

An expanse of prison and razor wire stretches out beyond
them.


INT. SUV / COUNTRY ROAD - LATER

A blur of green out the window. Divine Eye drives along a
road socked in with trees. Wind sings through the open
windows.

Divine G looks out. The movement is overwhelming.

DIVINE EYE
You good?

Divine G looks for the words.

DIVINE G
It’s a lot, isn’t it?

He looks over to Divine Eye. Divine Eye nods.

DIVINE G (CONT’D)
Almost too much.

Divine G’s emotions are welling up.

DIVINE EYE
Just sit with it man. Sit with it.
You’ve got plenty of time.

Divine G leans his head back by the open window. The trees
give way to open farmland. The breeze and the sunlight
crossing his face. He closes his eyes. Soaks it in.
And then his eyes open. To the new world.

THE END.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary Divine Eye and Divine G share an emotional reunion at the fence line of Sing Sing prison, where they embrace tightly. As they drive along a scenic country road, Divine G expresses his feelings of overwhelm at the beauty and freedom of the outside world. Divine Eye reassures him to take his time processing these emotions, providing comfort and support. The scene captures the bittersweet nature of Divine G's newfound freedom, culminating in his acceptance as he opens his eyes to the new world around him.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Strong performances
  • Poignant moments
Weaknesses
  • Limited external conflict
  • Some dialogue could be more impactful

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9.2

The scene effectively conveys the emotional weight of Divine G's transition from prison to freedom, with strong performances and poignant moments that resonate with the audience.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of Divine G's journey towards freedom is compelling and well-executed, providing a powerful emotional core for the scene.

Plot: 9

The plot of Divine G's release from prison and his emotional response to freedom is engaging and drives the scene forward with a sense of anticipation and resolution.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh perspective on the theme of freedom and self-discovery, with authentic character interactions and a unique blend of natural and man-made environments.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters of Divine G and Divine Eye are well-developed and their relationship is central to the emotional impact of the scene, with both characters showing vulnerability and growth.

Character Changes: 8

Both Divine G and Divine Eye undergo emotional changes in the scene, with Divine G experiencing a profound shift as he prepares to leave prison and Divine Eye offering support and guidance.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to come to terms with overwhelming emotions and find peace in the moment. This reflects his deeper need for acceptance and understanding of his feelings.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to navigate the journey and experience the new world outside the prison. This reflects the immediate circumstances of his release and the challenges of adjusting to freedom.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 3

While there is emotional conflict and tension in the scene, the focus is more on resolution and reflection, leading to a lower conflict level.

Opposition: 6

The opposition in the scene is subtle, with the protagonist's internal struggles and emotional conflicts serving as the main source of tension. The audience is left wondering how he will overcome his doubts and fears.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are high for Divine G as he takes his first steps towards freedom, but the focus is more on emotional resolution and hope rather than external conflict.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by resolving Divine G's arc in prison and setting up new possibilities for his character outside of the prison walls.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the protagonist's internal conflict and the uncertain outcome of his emotional journey. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of how he will navigate his feelings.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is the contrast between confinement and freedom, as represented by the prison setting and the open farmland. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs about his own identity and the possibilities of a new beginning.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9.5

The scene has a high emotional impact, effectively conveying the feelings of hope, nostalgia, and overwhelming emotion as Divine G takes his first steps towards freedom.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue in the scene is poignant and reflective, effectively conveying the emotions and thoughts of the characters as they navigate this pivotal moment.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its emotional depth, relatable themes, and strong character dynamics. The audience is drawn into the protagonist's journey and emotional struggle.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and emotional depth, with moments of quiet reflection balanced by moments of heightened drama.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene adheres to the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings and concise descriptions of the setting and characters.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows a clear progression from the emotional reunion at the prison fence to the protagonist's contemplative moment in the car, effectively conveying the internal and external journey.


Critique
  • The emotional reunion between Divine G and Divine Eye is effectively portrayed through their hug, which symbolizes their bond and the transition from confinement to freedom. However, the scene could benefit from more specific visual details that enhance the emotional weight of their embrace, such as the expressions on their faces or the physical sensations they experience in that moment.
  • The dialogue between Divine G and Divine Eye is natural and captures the essence of their friendship. However, it could be enriched by adding more subtext or personal anecdotes that reflect their shared experiences in prison, which would deepen the emotional connection and provide context for their current feelings.
  • The transition from the fence line to the SUV is smooth, but the description of the environment could be more vivid. Instead of simply stating 'a blur of green out the window,' consider incorporating sensory details that evoke the sights, sounds, and smells of the countryside, which would enhance the reader's immersion in the scene.
  • Divine G's emotional response is well captured, but the moment could be heightened by showing more of his internal struggle. Instead of just stating that his emotions are welling up, consider using physical cues or thoughts that illustrate his overwhelming feelings, making the audience feel his vulnerability more acutely.
  • The ending, where Divine G closes his eyes and soaks in the new world, is poetic and fitting. However, it could be strengthened by adding a brief moment of reflection or a specific thought that encapsulates his feelings about freedom, hope, or the future, providing a more resonant conclusion to the scene.
Suggestions
  • Enhance the emotional impact of the hug by including specific facial expressions or physical sensations that convey the depth of their connection.
  • Incorporate personal anecdotes or shared memories in the dialogue to add layers to their conversation and reflect their history together.
  • Use more vivid sensory details to describe the environment outside the SUV, allowing the audience to fully experience the transition from prison to freedom.
  • Show Divine G's internal struggle through physical cues or thoughts that illustrate his emotional state, making his vulnerability more palpable.
  • Consider adding a reflective moment or specific thought for Divine G at the end of the scene to provide a more resonant conclusion and encapsulate his feelings about his newfound freedom.