The Twelfth Moon

In a future ravaged by war, a haunted space ranger must confront her past while navigating the treacherous depths of space and the dark secrets of Soladar.

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Overview

Poster
Unique Selling Point

The unique selling proposition of 'The Twelfth Moon' lies in its blend of personal trauma with a high-stakes sci-fi conspiracy, exploring the ethical dilemmas of resource exploitation and the lengths to which institutions will go to protect their secrets.

AI Verdict & Suggestions

Ratings are subjective. So you get different engines’ ratings to compare.

GPT4
 Recommend
Claude
 Recommend
DeepSeek
 Consider
Average Score: 8.2
Key Suggestions
To enhance 'The Twelfth Moon,' focus on tightening the pacing in the middle act, particularly in scenes with military dialogue that can feel overly expository. Additionally, further develop secondary characters like Pace and Crimmage to deepen their emotional arcs and make their moments more impactful. This will create a more cohesive narrative and strengthen character connections, ultimately enriching the audience's experience.
Story Facts

Genres: Sci-Fi, Drama, Action, Science Fiction, Thriller, Adventure, Mystery, Military

Setting: The year 2106 and various points in the future, including a significant time jump of 25 years., Primarily set in space aboard the Tactical Transport Ship STAR-TRACER/2, on Mars, and on the Twelfth Moon of Rezela, with flashbacks to a suburban neighborhood devastated by war.

Themes: Trauma and Loss, Sacrifice, The Pursuit of Truth, Isolation, Hope and Resilience

Conflict & Stakes: The primary conflict revolves around Carla Cain's quest to uncover the truth about the mysterious substance Soladar, the loss of her family, and the dangers posed by illegal mining operations, with high stakes involving her life and the lives of her crew.

Mood: Tense and reflective, with moments of urgency and emotional depth.

Standout Features:

  • Unique Hook: The integration of a mysterious substance, Soladar, that has profound implications for the characters and the universe.
  • Major Twist: The revelation of betrayal and the moral complexities surrounding the military's actions regarding Soladar and the fate of the colony ships.
  • Innovative Ideas: The use of advanced technology and the exploration of themes related to trauma and memory through flashbacks.
  • Distinctive Settings: The contrast between the serene beauty of space and the chaotic, devastated environments on Mars and Rezela.

Comparable Scripts: The Martian, Interstellar, Gravity, Battlestar Galactica, Children of Men, The Expanse, Arrival, Annihilation, The Leftovers

Script Level Analysis

This section delivers a top-level assessment of the screenplay’s strengths and weaknesses — covering overall quality (P/C/R/HR), character development, emotional impact, thematic depth, narrative inconsistencies, and the story’s core philosophical conflict. It helps identify what’s resonating, what needs refinement, and how the script aligns with professional standards.

Screenplay Insights

Breaks down your script along various categories.

Overall Score: 7.60
To enhance the screenplay, focus on deepening the backstories and motivations of supporting characters like Pace and Crimmage. This will create more distinct personalities and emotional arcs, allowing for a stronger connection with the audience. Additionally, consider integrating thematic discussions into character interactions rather than relying on exposition, which will allow themes to emerge organically and resonate more deeply.
Story Critique

Big-picture feedback on the story’s clarity, stakes, cohesion, and engagement.

To enhance the screenplay, focus on deepening character motivations and refining pacing to create a more consistent flow between action and emotional moments. Introducing unexpected twists and developing secondary character arcs will enrich the narrative, making it more engaging and unpredictable. Additionally, ensure that the climax feels earned and satisfying, tying together character journeys and thematic elements cohesively.
Characters

Explores the depth, clarity, and arc of the main and supporting characters.

To enhance the emotional depth and complexity of Carla Cain's character, it is crucial to explore her childhood memories and the trauma from the Red Day more deeply. This exploration can provide a richer understanding of her motivations and internal conflicts, making her journey more relatable and impactful. Additionally, developing her relationships with other characters, particularly with Pace, can highlight her vulnerabilities and growth, adding layers to her character arc.
Emotional Analysis

Breaks down the emotional journey of the audience across the script.

Goals and Philosophical Conflict

Evaluates character motivations, obstacles, and sources of tension throughout the plot.

To enhance the script, focus on deepening Carla Cain's internal conflict and character development. Her journey from grappling with trauma to embracing selflessness is compelling, but it could benefit from more nuanced interactions with her team that highlight her leadership struggles. Additionally, consider refining the pacing of the narrative to maintain tension and engagement, particularly during the transition between her personal stakes and the broader conspiracy surrounding Soladar.
Themes

Analysis of the themes of the screenplay and how well they’re expressed.

To enhance the script, focus on deepening the exploration of trauma and its effects on character relationships. By providing more nuanced interactions that reflect the emotional scars of the past, particularly between Carla and her crew, the narrative can resonate more profoundly with audiences. Additionally, consider weaving in moments of vulnerability that showcase the characters' isolation and resilience, allowing viewers to connect with their struggles on a personal level.
Logic & Inconsistencies

Highlights any contradictions, plot holes, or logic gaps that may confuse viewers.

To enhance the emotional depth and authenticity of the script, it is crucial to bridge Carla Cain's traumatic past with her present character as a space ranger. This can be achieved by exploring her emotional journey more thoroughly, ensuring her actions and demeanor resonate with her backstory. Additionally, streamlining the narrative to eliminate redundancies, particularly in flashbacks and explanations, will create a more cohesive and engaging story.

Scene Analysis

All of your scenes analyzed individually and compared, so you can zero in on what to improve.

Scene-Level Percentile Chart
Hover over the graph to see more details about each score.
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Other Analyses

This section looks at the extra spark — your story’s voice, style, world, and the moments that really stick. These insights might not change the bones of the script, but they can make it more original, more immersive, and way more memorable. It’s where things get fun, weird, and wonderfully you.

Unique Voice

Assesses the distinctiveness and personality of the writer's voice.

To enhance the script, consider deepening the emotional arcs of secondary characters and integrating more moments of levity to balance the intense themes of trauma and loss. This could create a richer narrative tapestry that resonates with audiences while maintaining engagement through varied emotional tones. Additionally, refining dialogue to ensure it feels authentic and distinct for each character will strengthen their individuality and relatability.
Writer's Craft

Analyzes the writing to help the writer be aware of their skill and improve.

To enhance the screenplay, the writer should focus on refining dialogue to deepen character interactions and motivations, improving pacing to maintain tension, and further developing character backstories for greater emotional resonance. By addressing these areas, the narrative can achieve a more engaging and impactful storytelling experience.
Memorable Lines

Spotlights standout dialogue lines with emotional or thematic power.

The script effectively captures the emotional weight of trauma and loss through powerful dialogue and character interactions. To enhance the narrative, consider deepening character backstories and motivations, particularly for supporting characters like Pace and Noah, to create a more layered emotional landscape. Additionally, refining the pacing in action sequences could heighten tension and engagement, ensuring that the stakes feel consistently high throughout the story.
Tropes
Highlights common or genre-specific tropes found in the script.
World Building

Evaluates the depth, consistency, and immersion of the story's world.

To enhance the script, consider deepening the emotional connections between characters, particularly focusing on the sibling bond between Carla and Noah. This could amplify the impact of their shared trauma and the stakes of their journey. Additionally, exploring the ethical dilemmas surrounding the use of advanced technology and the consequences of war can add layers to the narrative, making it resonate more with audiences who seek depth in character motivations and societal implications.
Correlations

Identifies patterns in scene scores.

To enhance the emotional resonance of the script, focus on maintaining high tension in pivotal scenes while ensuring character development is evident. Incorporating well-crafted dialogue will not only elevate the overall quality but also deepen the audience's connection to the characters. Balancing moments of humor within tense situations can provide relief without detracting from the stakes, keeping viewers engaged throughout the narrative.
Loglines
Presents logline variations based on theme, genre, and hook.