Permissible
A coming-of-age horror: a young woman on the cusp of emancipation uncovers her parents’ ritual cannibalism and must choose between exposing them and protecting her siblings — or replicating their evil to survive.
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Unique Selling Point
Permissible stands out through its unique setting of a funeral home/cannibal family operation, blending psychological horror with a coming-of-age survival story. The script's exploration of moral ambiguity - where the protagonist must become what she hates to save her siblings - creates compelling ethical complexity rarely seen in the genre. The integration of supernatural elements with grounded family trauma provides a fresh take on both horror and family drama conventions.
AI Verdict & Suggestions
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Recommend
Consider
Recommend
Recommend
Consider
Key Takeaways
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Story Facts
Genres:Setting: Contemporary, A rundown funeral home, crematorium, and surrounding woods in a rural area
Themes: Trauma and its Cycles, Survival and Sacrifice, Familial Dysfunction and Corruption of Innocence, Morality and Blurred Lines, Search for Identity and Freedom, The Corrosive Nature of Secrets and Lies, Justice and Retribution, Hope and Resilience
Conflict & Stakes: Haley's struggle against her abusive father Danny and the toxic family environment, with the safety of her siblings at stake.
Mood: Dark, tense, and suspenseful with moments of emotional depth and horror.
Standout Features:
- Unique Hook: The intertwining of psychological horror with family drama, showcasing the impact of trauma on relationships.
- Major Twist: The revelation of Danny's past and his connection to the children's trauma, culminating in a violent confrontation.
- Innovative Ideas: The use of hallucinations and psychological elements to explore Haley's mental state and her relationship with Aiden.
- Distinctive Setting: The funeral home and crematorium serve as a haunting backdrop that enhances the story's dark themes.
- Unique Characters: Complex characters with deep emotional struggles, particularly Haley and Danny, who embody the cycle of abuse.
Comparable Scripts: The Lovely Bones, Hereditary, The Haunting of Hill House, The Girl on the Train, The Perks of Being a Wallflower, Sharp Objects, The Witch, Little Fires Everywhere, The Babadook
Data Says…
Feature in Alpha - Could have inaccuraciesOur stats model looked at how your scores work together and ranked the changes most likely to move your overall rating next draft. Ordered by the most reliable gains first.
- This is currently your highest-impact lever. Improving Character Development (Script Level) is most likely to move the overall rating next.
- What writers at your level usually do: Writers at a similar level usually raise Character Development (Script Level) by about +0.4 in one rewrite.
- Why it matters: At your level, improving this one area alone can cover a meaningful slice of the climb toward an "all Highly Recommends" script.
- This is another meaningful lever. After you work on the higher-impact areas, this can still create a noticeable lift.
- What writers at your level usually do: Writers at a similar level usually raise Emotional Impact (Script Level) by about +0.35 in one rewrite.
- Why it matters: After you address the top item, gains here are still one of the levers that move you toward that "all Highly Recommends" zone.
- This is another meaningful lever. After you work on the higher-impact areas, this can still create a noticeable lift.
- What writers at your level usually do: Writers at a similar level usually raise Concept by about +0.29 in one rewrite.
- Why it matters: After you address the top item, gains here are still one of the levers that move you toward that "all Highly Recommends" zone.
🧬 Your Script's DNA Profile
This is your script's "fingerprint." The recommender uses this profile to understand the context of your writing.
Your Core Strengths
These factors measure overall quality. Higher is better.
Core Scene Quality
100th PercentileMain Ingredients: Plot, Concept, Story Forward, Character Changes, Unpredictability
Script-Level Polish
100th PercentileMain Ingredients: Structure (Script Level), Emotional Impact (Script Level), Theme (Script Level), Premise (Script Level), Visual Impact (Script Level)
Your Stylistic Profile
These factors are sliders, not scores. They show your script's unique style choices and trade-offs.
Style: Script-Level Originality vs. Scene-Level Execution
Style: Visuals/Conflict vs. Premise/Originality
Style: High-Conflict Premise vs. Structure/Theme
Style: Strong Structure/Concept vs. Emotion/Theme
Style: Plot-Driven vs. Character/Conflict
Format: Feature Film vs. TV Pilot
Style: Action/Conflict vs. Character/Dialogue
Style: Emotional Journey vs. Pacing/Originality
Style: Paced Character Study vs. Originality/Visuals
Style: Internal Emotion vs. External Conflict/Dialogue
Style: Talky Character Piece vs. Pacing/Structure
Style: High Concept/Visuals vs. Thematic Depth
Style: Thematic Depth vs. Originality/Structure
Screenplay Video
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Script Level Analysis
This section delivers a top-level assessment of the screenplay’s strengths and weaknesses — covering overall quality (P/C/R/HR), character development, emotional impact, thematic depth, narrative inconsistencies, and the story’s core philosophical conflict. It helps identify what’s resonating, what needs refinement, and how the script aligns with professional standards.
Screenplay Insights
Breaks down your script along various categories.
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Story Critique
Big-picture feedback on the story’s clarity, stakes, cohesion, and engagement.
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Characters
Explores the depth, clarity, and arc of the main and supporting characters.
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Emotional Analysis
Breaks down the emotional journey of the audience across the script.
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Goals and Philosophical Conflict
Evaluates character motivations, obstacles, and sources of tension throughout the plot.
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Themes
Analysis of the themes of the screenplay and how well they’re expressed.
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Logic & Inconsistencies
Highlights any contradictions, plot holes, or logic gaps that may confuse viewers.
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Screenplay Insights
Breaks down your script along various categories.
Story Critique
Big-picture feedback on the story’s clarity, stakes, cohesion, and engagement.
Characters
Explores the depth, clarity, and arc of the main and supporting characters.
Emotional Analysis
Breaks down the emotional journey of the audience across the script.
Goals and Philosophical Conflict
Evaluates character motivations, obstacles, and sources of tension throughout the plot.
Themes
Analysis of the themes of the screenplay and how well they’re expressed.
Logic & Inconsistencies
Highlights any contradictions, plot holes, or logic gaps that may confuse viewers.
Scene Analysis
All of your scenes analyzed individually and compared, so you can zero in on what to improve.
Analysis of the Scene Percentiles
- The screenplay excels in plot development, ranking in the 98th percentile, indicating a strong and engaging storyline.
- High emotional impact (98th percentile) suggests that the screenplay effectively resonates with audiences on an emotional level.
- Character changes are rated at 100th percentile, showcasing a strong character arc and development throughout the narrative.
- The originality score is relatively low at 38.66%, indicating a need for more unique concepts or fresh perspectives in the story.
- The internal goal score (63.92%) suggests that the protagonist's internal motivations could be more clearly defined and explored.
- Formatting score (55.15%) indicates potential issues with screenplay formatting that could affect readability and professionalism.
The writer appears to be more intuitive, with high scores in dialogue and character development but lower scores in concept and originality.
Balancing Elements- To enhance originality, the writer could brainstorm unique twists or themes that differentiate their story from existing works.
- Improving the internal goal score could involve deeper exploration of the protagonist's motivations and desires, adding layers to character development.
- Addressing formatting issues will help ensure that the screenplay is polished and adheres to industry standards, making it more appealing to readers.
Intuitive
Overall AssessmentThe screenplay has strong emotional and plot elements, but it would benefit from increased originality and clarity in character motivations. With some refinements, it has significant potential for success.
How scenes compare to the Scripts in our Library
| Percentile | Before | After | ||
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Scene Overall | 8.8 | 94 | the black list (TV) : 8.7 | Squid Game : 8.9 |
| Scene Concept | 8.6 | 93 | the dark knight rises : 8.5 | Pinocchio : 8.7 |
| Scene Plot | 8.8 | 99 | Terminator 2 : 8.7 | Silence of the lambs : 8.9 |
| Scene Characters | 8.8 | 92 | Easy A : 8.7 | Black mirror 304 : 8.9 |
| Scene Emotional Impact | 9.0 | 98 | Schindler's List : 8.9 | Squid Game : 9.1 |
| Scene Conflict Level | 8.8 | 97 | the dark knight rises : 8.7 | face/off : 8.9 |
| Scene Dialogue | 8.6 | 96 | Harold and Maude : 8.5 | Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog : 8.7 |
| Scene Story Forward | 8.9 | 98 | the dark knight rises : 8.8 | Silence of the lambs : 9.0 |
| Scene Character Changes | 8.7 | 100 | Joker : 8.6 | - |
| Scene High Stakes | 8.8 | 92 | Black panther : 8.7 | Terminator 2 : 8.9 |
| Scene Unpredictability | 8.15 | 98 | Jack Reacher : 8.09 | severance (TV) : 8.19 |
| Scene Internal Goal | 8.10 | 63 | Blade Runner : 8.09 | Mr. Smith goes to Washington : 8.11 |
| Scene External Goal | 7.53 | 75 | Vice : 7.51 | Narcos : 7.54 |
| Scene Originality | 8.64 | 38 | Moonlight : 8.63 | Rambo : 8.65 |
| Scene Engagement | 8.99 | 70 | Mr. Smith goes to Washington : 8.98 | fight Club : 9.00 |
| Scene Pacing | 8.48 | 80 | Casablanca : 8.47 | Interstellar : 8.49 |
| Scene Formatting | 8.18 | 57 | There's something about Mary : 8.17 | the boys (TV) : 8.19 |
| Script Structure | 8.16 | 60 | There's something about Mary : 8.15 | Blade Runner : 8.17 |
| Script Characters | 7.90 | 39 | Easy A : 7.80 | Casablanca : 8.00 |
| Script Premise | 8.40 | 65 | Her : 8.30 | Erin Brokovich : 8.50 |
| Script Structure | 8.10 | 69 | Knives Out : 8.00 | Erin Brokovich : 8.20 |
| Script Theme | 8.40 | 68 | the dark knight rises : 8.30 | face/off : 8.50 |
| Script Visual Impact | 8.20 | 83 | Blade Runner : 8.10 | the pursuit of happyness : 8.30 |
| Script Emotional Impact | 7.70 | 36 | Vice : 7.60 | Erin Brokovich : 7.80 |
| Script Conflict | 8.20 | 86 | the black list (TV) : 8.00 | scream : 8.30 |
| Script Originality | 8.40 | 78 | the 5th element : 8.30 | the pursuit of happyness : 8.50 |
| Overall Script | 8.16 | 59 | Breaking bad : 8.15 | Stranger Things : 8.18 |
Other Analyses
This section looks at the extra spark — your story’s voice, style, world, and the moments that really stick. These insights might not change the bones of the script, but they can make it more original, more immersive, and way more memorable. It’s where things get fun, weird, and wonderfully you.
Unique Voice
Assesses the distinctiveness and personality of the writer's voice.
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Writer's Craft
Analyzes the writing to help the writer be aware of their skill and improve.
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Memorable Lines
World Building
Evaluates the depth, consistency, and immersion of the story's world.
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Correlations
Identifies patterns in scene scores.
Exec Summary:
Key Suggestions:
Unique Voice
Assesses the distinctiveness and personality of the writer's voice.
Writer's Craft
Analyzes the writing to help the writer be aware of their skill and improve.
Memorable Lines
World Building
Evaluates the depth, consistency, and immersion of the story's world.
Correlations
Identifies patterns in scene scores.
Script•o•Scope
Pass / Consider / Recommend Analysis
Top Takeaway from This Section
GPT5
Executive Summary
- Instant, memorable opening and atmosphere — the funeral home/crematorium and Haley sleepwalking establish mood, stakes, and the film’s visual identity immediately. high ( Scene 1 )
- Strong central protagonist arc — Haley is active, resourceful and morally conflicted. Key scenes (her waking panic, stealing Neil’s phone, the final arson and escape with the kids) give her agency and an emotional throughline. high ( Scene 2 Scene 31 Scene 58 )
- Powerful, cinematic set pieces and visceral imagery — dinner with charred meat, the saw/oven sequences, and the crematorium rituals are vivid, transgressive and marketable on a poster/trailer level. high ( Scene 9 Scene 35 Scene 37 )
- Consistent visual motifs (ravens, death-cherry plant, ovens, the wall of skulls) create thematic and visual coherence that anchors the film’s world and lends it a mythic quality. medium ( Scene 11 Scene 15 Scene 24 )
- Effective secondary-anchor characters (Gabriel, Dr. David) provide realistic, procedural touchstones — they offer Haley ways in which to attempt legal/medical solutions and ground the story beyond the household. medium ( Scene 18 Scene 20 )
- Tonal whiplash: sex, intimate cruelty, dark comedy and grotesque horror sit uncomfortably at times. The Marcy/Danny sexual power-play (Seq. 16) and later brutal, almost ritualistic cannibal sequences require a firmer tonal anchor — decide whether the film is intimate psychological horror, transgressive shock, or darkly satirical domestic nightmare and adjust scenes accordingly. high ( Scene 16 Scene 37 )
- Ambiguity over Aiden: is Aiden a ghost, a hallucination, or a survivor imagined by Haley? The script toggles between supernatural and psychological without committing; clarify the rules and emotional purpose of Aiden's presence to avoid audience confusion. high ( Scene 38 Scene 59 )
- Middle-act pacing and repetition: multiple scenes of school and family bickering slow momentum. Tighten or combine repetitive beats (school, hearse transportation, mealtime confrontations) to keep pressure and escalate stakes more cleanly. high ( Scene 6 Scene 7 Scene 13 )
- Motivational clarity for Marcy: her flip from enabling/mourning to active violence (Neil's murder, cooperating in Danny's death plan, later begging) needs clearer wiring — give her a decisive, believable internal turning point early so her actions don't read as convenient plot devices. medium ( Scene 51 Scene 56 )
- Procedural/logistics realism: the sheriff, evidence chain, warrant timing, Neil’s sim planting, and the burn permit are handled casually and sometimes implausibly. Either commit to realistic procedure or heighten plausibility through clear beat-by-beat exposition. medium ( Scene 52 Scene 54 )
- Legal resolution details: the custody and restraining order beats are introduced but never fully played out — the script needs a clearer depiction of the legal timeline, the judge’s denial rationale, and the consequences of Haley’s vigilante actions on the custody battle. high ( Scene 18 Scene 55 )
- Aiden’s death and aftermath — emotional fallout and forensic consequences — feel rushed. More scenes showing Haley processing grief, the community reaction and the siblings' adjustment would make the tragedy weightier. high ( Scene 32 Scene 35 )
- Danny’s wartime backstory is given but not dramatized. If survival-cannibalism is the origin myth, a focused flashback or a credible conversation that anchors his transformation would make his pathology more believable. medium ( Scene 45 )
- Secondary characters’ arcs (Gabriel, Frost, Sophia, Waylon) end comfortably but not fully; their motivations and post-climax roles are thin. Strengthen at least one ally arc to act as Haley’s moral/legal mirror. medium ( Scene 18 Scene 42 )
- Consequences of arson: Haley burns the house in a morally ambiguous finale; the script does not show the legal or psychological consequences for Haley after fleeing. Either show the fallout (wanted, arrested, or exonerated) or reframe as an explicitly ambiguous escape. medium ( Scene 58 )
- The film successfully uses the funeral-home/crematorium as a character — it’s more than a set piece; it’s a symbol for the family’s moral rot. This is a strong marketing and visual hook. high ( Scene 3 Scene 22 )
- Child perspective intercuts (Oli and Ava) are emotionally effective, heightening horror by contrast and rooting the stakes emotionally. medium ( Scene 4 Scene 14 )
- Recurring motifs (ravens, death cherry, the razor, ovens) give the screenplay a mythic texture and help signal thematic beats — shame, inheritance, and ritual. medium ( Scene 11 Scene 15 )
- The sexualized power-dynamics between Marcy and Danny are unusually frank for the genre and give the villains an unsettling intimacy — but they risk alienating some audiences if not handled with care. medium ( Scene 16 )
- Marketing potential: the film's shocking imagery and tagline-friendly set pieces (crematorium; family picture with an oven in the background; death-cherry) are festival- and poster-friendly. medium ( Scene 39 )
- Tone and audience sensitivity The writer leans heavily into shock (cannibalism, sexualized violence, child-endangerment) without consistently framing it through ethical or thematic scaffolding. Example: the sexualized domination scene (Seq. 16) and repeated bedside rituals (Seq. 37) risk alienating mainstream audiences; clearer tonal intention and ethical distance are needed. high
- Procedural realism There’s an underestimation of how law enforcement, medical examiners, and custody proceedings function; scenes where the sheriff’s actions and the legal timeline (Search/Warrant, burn permit) resolve quickly feel convenient rather than earned (Seq. 52-55, 18). medium
- Character justification Major character flips (Marcy shooting Neil, her later cooperation or begging) read as plot expediencies because the script does not consistently supply internal drivers or earlier seeds (Seq. 51, 56). medium
- Over-description and tonal inconsistency Stage directions sometimes tell the reader how to feel rather than showing via behavior or subtext (e.g., repeated 'horror floods her eyes', 'evil smirk'). This can read as amateurish in a feature script and undercuts subtlety (multiple scenes). medium
- Info-dump exposition Key backstory and legal facts are often delivered in chunks of dialogue or on-the-nose lines rather than dramatized (e.g., Danny’s war story is told rather than shown — Seq. 45; custody/legal mechanics in Seq. 18). medium
- Unclear rules for supernatural/psychological beats Aiden’s ghost/hallucination is inconsistently handled; the script oscillates between literal and metaphorical presence without establishing narrative rules (Seq. 38, 59). high
- Convenient plot contrivances Several turning points rely on coincidences or rapid shifts (burn permit issued quickly, sheriff conveniently believing at the end, Haley able to delete the timed suicide text at the last second) that strain credibility (Seq. 54, 51, 52). medium
Claude
Executive Summary
- The opening sequences establish a strong sense of atmosphere, tension, and mystery, drawing the audience into the dark and unsettling world of the Volk family. high ( Scene 1 (EXT. FUNERAL HOME - NIGHT) Scene 2 (INT. HALEY'S BEDROOM - DAY) )
- The screenplay effectively introduces the central characters and their complex relationships, providing depth and nuance to their motivations and struggles. high ( Scene 4 (INT. OLI AND AVA'S BEDROOM - DAY) Scene 5 (EXT. FUNERAL HOME - DRIVEWAY - DAY) )
- The screenplay showcases strong character development, particularly in Haley's transformation from a victim to a morally ambiguous protagonist, as she grapples with the weight of her family's dark secrets. high ( Scene 21 (INT. HALEY'S BEDROOM - NIGHT) Scene 51 (INT. CREMATORIUM - LATER) )
- The screenplay effectively incorporates elements of mystery and suspense, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the unfolding events. medium ( Scene 34 (INT. AIDEN'S BEDROOM - NIGHT) Scene 44 (INT. HALEY'S BEDROOM - DAY) )
- The screenplay's climactic moments and the resolution of the central conflict are well-executed, providing a satisfying and thought-provoking conclusion to the story. high ( Scene 56 (INT. HOSPITAL ROOM - DAY) Scene 58 (EXT. FUNERAL HOME - NIGHT) )
- The pacing in certain sections of the screenplay could be improved, as some scenes feel slightly drawn out or repetitive, which could potentially impact the overall narrative flow. medium ( Scene 7 (INT. CREMATORIUM - DAY) Scene 9 (INT. FUNERAL HOME - DINING ROOM - NIGHT) )
- While the screenplay explores the dark themes of trauma, abuse, and moral ambiguity, there could be more thematic exploration and development to provide deeper insights into the human condition and the societal issues at play. medium ( Scene 1 (EXT. FUNERAL HOME - NIGHT) Scene 45 (INT. CREMATORIUM - DAY) )
- Some of the supporting characters, such as Frost and the Sheriff, could be further developed to provide a more well-rounded and nuanced portrayal of the various perspectives and moral dilemmas within the story. low ( Scene 27 (INT. SCHOOL - HALLWAY - DAY) Scene 42 (EXT. FUNERAL HOME - BACKYARD - DAY) )
- While the screenplay effectively establishes the dark and unsettling atmosphere, there could be more exploration of the supernatural or psychological elements that contribute to the family's descent into darkness, adding an additional layer of depth and intrigue. medium ( Scene 1 (EXT. FUNERAL HOME - NIGHT) Scene 21 (INT. HALEY'S BEDROOM - NIGHT) )
- The screenplay could benefit from more explicit exploration of the societal and systemic issues that contribute to the Volk family's struggles, such as poverty, lack of access to resources, and the failures of the justice system, to provide a more comprehensive understanding of the broader context. medium ( Scene 9 (INT. FUNERAL HOME - DINING ROOM - NIGHT) Scene 51 (INT. CREMATORIUM - LATER) )
- The screenplay's exploration of the moral ambiguity and the complex psychological journey of the protagonist, Haley, is a standout element, as it challenges the audience's preconceptions and invites them to grapple with the nuances of right and wrong. high ( Scene 21 (INT. HALEY'S BEDROOM - NIGHT) Scene 51 (INT. CREMATORIUM - LATER) )
- The screenplay's incorporation of supernatural or psychological elements, such as Aiden's ghostly presence and Haley's hallucinations, adds an intriguing layer of ambiguity and complexity to the narrative, blurring the lines between reality and the characters' inner worlds. medium ( Scene 34 (INT. AIDEN'S BEDROOM - NIGHT) Scene 56 (INT. HOSPITAL ROOM - DAY) )
- The screenplay's conclusion, with Haley and the children escaping the Volk family's dark legacy and embarking on a new journey, provides a sense of hope and the possibility of redemption, even in the face of overwhelming adversity. high ( Scene 58 (EXT. FUNERAL HOME - NIGHT) Scene 60 (EXT. AUTO WORKSHOP - DAWN) )
- Lack of Diverse Perspectives The screenplay primarily focuses on the perspectives of the Volk family, with limited exploration of other characters and their unique experiences. Incorporating more diverse viewpoints, particularly from marginalized or underrepresented groups, could add depth and nuance to the narrative and provide a more well-rounded exploration of the themes. medium
- Underdeveloped Secondary Characters While the central characters, particularly Haley, are well-developed, some of the supporting characters, such as Frost and the Sheriff, could benefit from more in-depth exploration. Strengthening these secondary characters and their arcs could enhance the overall narrative and provide a more comprehensive understanding of the story's themes and conflicts. medium
- Occasional Pacing Issues As noted in the areas of improvement, the screenplay occasionally suffers from pacing issues, with some scenes feeling slightly drawn out or repetitive. Tightening the pacing and maintaining a consistent narrative rhythm throughout the story could help to enhance the overall engagement and impact. medium
- Underdeveloped Thematic Exploration While the screenplay explores complex themes of trauma, abuse, and moral ambiguity, there are opportunities to delve deeper into the societal and systemic issues that contribute to the Volk family's struggles. Strengthening the thematic exploration could elevate the screenplay's depth and resonance with the audience. medium
Grok
Executive Summary
- Haley's character arc is powerfully executed, evolving from a vulnerable teen to a decisive survivor, driving the narrative with emotional authenticity and growth. high ( Scene 1 Scene 9 Scene 30 Scene 50 )
- The screenplay builds intense suspense and horror through vivid, atmospheric scenes that maintain high stakes and engage the audience. high ( Scene 1 Scene 17 Scene 35 )
- Thematic depth in exploring family trauma, survival, and breaking cycles of violence is consistently woven throughout, adding layers to the story. medium
- Emotional relationships, particularly between siblings, are portrayed with heartfelt realism, enhancing the drama and viewer investment. medium ( Scene 4 Scene 29 Scene 49 )
- The climactic resolution delivers a satisfying payoff with high tension and character-driven action, concluding the main arcs effectively. high ( Scene 51 Scene 58 )
- Some scenes drag with slow pacing, particularly in buildup sequences, which could be tightened to maintain momentum. medium ( Scene 11 Scene 23 )
- Dialogue occasionally feels expository or on-the-nose, reducing naturalism and potentially alienating viewers. medium ( Scene 45 Scene 48 )
- Secondary characters like Oli and Ava are underdeveloped, with their arcs feeling secondary and lacking depth compared to Haley. medium ( Scene 4 Scene 14 )
- Logical gaps in plot, such as Haley's escapes or quick behavioral shifts, could undermine believability if not addressed. low
- The graphic violence and horror elements sometimes overshadow emotional moments, potentially unbalancing the tone. low
- Marcy's arc lacks full resolution, with her backstory and redemption not fully explored, leaving some emotional threads dangling. medium ( Scene 58 )
- Deeper insight into Oli and Ava's perspectives and long-term effects of trauma is absent, missing an opportunity for richer character development. medium
- Minor characters like Sophia and Frost are not given closure, with their roles feeling underdeveloped beyond supporting Haley. low
- An epilogue or hint at the characters' future could provide more completeness, especially regarding Haley's guardianship and healing. low
- The legal and social ramifications of the events are underexplored, such as potential investigations or family services involvement. low
- The use of supernatural elements like sleepwalking and hallucinations adds a unique psychological layer, enhancing tension and symbolism. high ( Scene 1 Scene 15 )
- The death cherry plant serves as a powerful symbol of toxicity and survival, recurring effectively throughout the story. medium ( Scene 11 Scene 48 )
- Aiden's ghostly appearances provide emotional support and insight, creating a poignant blend of reality and hallucination. medium ( Scene 38 Scene 48 )
- Dark humor in grim situations, such as references to cannibalism, adds contrast and prevents the tone from becoming overly heavy. low
- Vivid visual imagery and atmospheric descriptions immerse the reader, making the screenplay highly cinematic. medium
- Trauma portrayal The writer may overlook the nuanced psychological impacts of trauma, such as Haley's rapid shifts from victim to aggressor feeling abrupt without more gradual internal conflict, potentially simplifying complex emotional responses for dramatic effect, as seen in sequences like 30 and 38 where her decisions lack deeper exploration of PTSD or coping mechanisms. medium
- Family dynamics There is a blind spot in depicting realistic family interactions under abuse, with moments like Marcy's sudden shift in allegiance in sequence 51 feeling contrived, missing opportunities to show incremental changes or the gray areas of complicity and survival instincts. medium
- Pacing inconsistencies The screenplay shows amateur traits in uneven pacing, such as slower sequences (e.g., sequence 23) that drag with repetitive descriptions, indicating a need for tighter editing to maintain tension, which can make the narrative feel less professional. medium
- Expository dialogue Some dialogue, particularly in scenes like sequence 45, is overly explanatory, spelling out backstories or motivations clumsily, a common novice error that reduces subtlety and natural flow, though it's mitigated by stronger character-driven moments elsewhere. low
Gemini
Executive Summary
- The opening sequence immediately establishes a chilling, unsettling tone and introduces the central conflict and mystery surrounding Haley's sleepwalking and the horrific events she witnesses, hooking the audience with its dark atmosphere and visceral horror. high ( Scene 1 (EXT. FUNERAL HOME - NIGHT) )
- Haley's unwavering determination to protect her younger siblings, Oli and Ava, forms the emotional core of the screenplay. Her arc from a victim of circumstance to a cunning protector is compelling, driving the narrative forward with a fierce maternal instinct, especially evident in her interactions and sacrifices for them. high ( Scene 4 (INT. OLI AND AVA'S BEDROOM - DAY) Scene 5 (EXT. FUNERAL HOME - DRIVEWAY - DAY) Scene 35 (EXT. WOODS - NIGHT) )
- The screenplay's commitment to its disturbing themes of cannibalism and extreme violence is unrelenting. It creates visceral horror through shocking imagery and gruesome depictions, which, while challenging, contribute to its unique and memorable identity. high ( Scene 1 (EXT. FUNERAL HOME - NIGHT) Scene 7 (INT. CREMATORIUM - DAY) Scene 8 (INT. HEARSE - DAY) Scene 14 (INT. FUNERAL HOME - DINING ROOM - DAY) Scene 37 (INT. CREMATORIUM - PREPARATION ROOM - NIGHT) )
- Haley's transformation and descent into the darkness of her family's world is a significant character achievement. Her struggle to adapt and survive, eventually mirroring the monstrous actions of her parents to protect her siblings, is a powerful, albeit grim, character arc. medium ( Scene 21 (INT. HALEY'S BEDROOM - NIGHT) Scene 38 (INT. CREMATORIUM - PREPARATION ROOM - NIGHT) )
- The screenplay effectively utilizes mystery and investigative elements, particularly through Haley's pursuit of evidence and Aiden's posthumous guidance via his phone. This adds a layer of narrative complexity and strategic planning to Haley's fight for survival. medium ( Scene 44 (INT. HALEY'S BEDROOM - NIGHT) Scene 51 (INT. CREMATORIUM - LATER) Scene 52 (INT. CREMATORIUM - NIGHT) )
- The sheer volume of extreme violence and cannibalism, while a stylistic choice, risks becoming gratuitous and desensitizing. Pacing could be improved by selectively using extreme scenes for maximum impact rather than constant immersion. high
- The motivations and backstories of supporting characters like Marcy and Neil are hinted at but not fully explored. Marcy's complex relationship with Danny and her history, in particular, feel underdeveloped given her pivotal role. Neil's character arc and his connection to Marcy also feel somewhat rushed. medium ( Scene 12 (INT. PAROLE OFFICER'S HOME - DAY) Scene 32 (INT. HALLWAY - CONTINUOUS) )
- While the pacing is generally relentless, certain plot points, like Aiden's sudden illness and subsequent actions, feel compressed or underdeveloped, affecting the emotional resonance and believability of his arc. The handling of his death and Haley's reaction also feels somewhat rushed. medium ( Scene 5 (EXT. FUNERAL HOME - DRIVEWAY - DAY) Scene 10 (INT. HEARSE - TRAVELING - DAY) Scene 20 (INT. DR. DAVID'S OFFICE - LATER) )
- The screenplay introduces many potential plot threads and characters (e.g., Sophia, Gabriel, Frost, Waylon) that are not fully integrated or resolved by the end, making the narrative feel somewhat cluttered or unfocused at times. Their ultimate impact on Haley's victory is minimal. medium ( Scene 13 (INT. HIGH SCHOOL - CAFETERIA - DAY) Scene 35 (EXT. WOODS - NIGHT) )
- The resolution, particularly concerning Haley's apparent cannibalistic turn and her final confrontation with her parents, feels abrupt and could benefit from clearer articulation. The logic of her embrace of violence as a means of survival needs more careful grounding to avoid feeling solely like shock value. medium ( Scene 45 (INT. CREMATORIUM - PREPARATION ROOM - NIGHT) Scene 51 (INT. CREMATORIUM - LATER) )
- A more thorough exploration of Marcy's past trauma and the events that led her to stay with Danny would add depth to her character and the family's history. Her 'forced' situation is mentioned but not significantly detailed. medium ( Scene 12 (INT. PAROLE OFFICER'S HOME - DAY) )
- The resolution of Haley's legal battle and custody of Oli and Ava feels rushed. While Gabriel is involved, the hearing and its outcome are not fully depicted, leaving the long-term safety of the children somewhat ambiguous. medium ( Scene 18 (INT. SOPHIA'S HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - DAY) Scene 43 (INT. FROST'S SUV - DAY) )
- Aiden's ultimate fate and the exact nature of his 'death' and subsequent spectral presence could be more clearly defined. While it serves a narrative purpose for Haley, the mechanics of his spectral existence are left ambiguous. low ( Scene 20 (INT. DR. DAVID'S OFFICE - LATER) )
- The exact nature and origins of the 'death cherry' plant and its properties are not fully explained, beyond its potent and fatal effects. While adding to the mystery, a bit more context could solidify its role. low
- The motivations behind Danny planting the death cherry remain unclear. While attributed to coping, the specific reason for planting it so close to the house, and its connection to his past, could be more fleshed out. low ( Scene 26 (EXT. FUNERAL HOME - NIGHT) )
- The screenplay masterfully uses dream sequences and sleepwalking as narrative devices to foreshadow events and reveal character psychology, blurring the lines between reality and nightmare. high ( Scene 1 (EXT. FUNERAL HOME - NIGHT) Scene 2 (INT. HALEY'S BEDROOM - DAY) )
- The recurring motif of the raven serves as an ominous harbinger and a symbolic element, often appearing before or during moments of intense horror and violence, enhancing the atmospheric dread. medium ( Scene 1 (EXT. FUNERAL HOME - NIGHT) Scene 35 (EXT. WOODS - NIGHT) )
- The screenplay's graphic depiction of the cannibalistic practices, including the meticulous preparation of human remains, is a bold and disturbing stylistic choice that defines its unique brand of horror. high ( Scene 37 (INT. CREMATORIUM - PREPARATION ROOM - NIGHT) Scene 39 (INT. CREMATORIUM - PREPARATION ROOM - DAY) )
- The dollhouse motif, used initially as a representation of the family's grim life, becomes a powerful narrative tool for Haley's eventual confrontation and symbolic destruction of her past. medium ( Scene 46 (INT. OLI AND AVA'S BEDROOM - DAY) Scene 58 (EXT. FUNERAL HOME - NIGHT) )
- The ending, which introduces a symbolic wolf puppy named Woody, offers a glimmer of hope and a new beginning for the surviving siblings, suggesting a break from the cycle of abuse and violence. medium ( Scene 59 (EXT. WOODS - NIGHT) )
- Pacing/Tone Management of Extreme Content The writer seems to have a blind spot regarding the potential for the extreme violence and cannibalism to become overwhelming or desensitizing. While intended to be shocking, the sheer saturation of these elements throughout the script risks diminishing their impact and could alienate a broader audience. The script could benefit from more strategic use of these elements rather than a constant barrage. For example, scene 37 depicts the preparation of human flesh and scene 39 shows Haley labeling them, which is a lot to process in quick succession. high
- Character Motivation for Supporting Characters The writer appears to have a blind spot in fully developing the motivations of key supporting characters, particularly Marcy. While her trauma and fear are implied, the depth of her complicity and her complex relationship with Danny and the children could be more explicitly explored. Her shift from victim to near-accomplice feels underdeveloped, leaving her character arc feeling somewhat incomplete. Her actions in scene 35, where she seemingly protects Danny, feel contradictory without further explanation. medium
- Narrative Clarity in Supernatural/Psychological Elements The writer seems to have a blind spot in clearly defining the nature of Aiden's spectral presence. While it serves Haley's journey, the rules and limitations of his existence are unclear, potentially leading to confusion. Is he a figment of her imagination, a ghost, or something else? This ambiguity, while sometimes effective, could also be a point of narrative confusion for the audience. For example, his appearance in scene 38 and scene 59 feels ethereal and unexplained. medium
- Resolution of Subplots and Minor Characters The script introduces several minor characters and subplots (Sophia, Gabriel, Frost, Waylon) that are not fully resolved or integrated into the main narrative in a way that feels satisfying. The writer might be overlooking how these threads can impact the overall completeness of the story, leaving the audience wondering about their ultimate fate or purpose. medium
- Grounding Extreme Actions in Believability While the script thrives on its extreme premise, certain plot points, particularly Haley's rapid descent into extreme violence and cannibalism, might benefit from more nuanced exposition to maintain audience buy-in. The transition in scene 39, where Haley seemingly embraces cannibalism with glee, feels very abrupt and could benefit from more emotional grounding. medium
- Over-reliance on Exposition through Dialogue There are instances where characters explicitly state plot points or information that could be shown visually or implied more subtly. For example, in Scene 12, Neil's 'red folder' with Danny's rap sheet is immediately understood, rather than having him discover it. Similarly, Haley's explanation of the death cherry's effects in Scene 46 feels like direct exposition rather than organic discovery. medium
- Repetitive Use of Shock Value While shock value is a strength, its constant application can become repetitive and dilute its impact. Scenes like the rat being burned alive (Scene 7) or the detailed preparation of human meat (Scene 37, 39) are repeatedly presented with graphic detail, which, while shocking, may lose its effectiveness with overexposure. medium
- Unclear Character Stakes and Resolutions The ending, particularly regarding the legal custody of Oli and Ava and the ultimate fates of various characters (Marcy, Waylon, Sophia), feels somewhat rushed or unresolved. Haley's supposed 'freedom' is earned through extreme actions, but the immediate aftermath and legal ramifications are glossed over. medium
- Overly Dramatic Dialogue and Actions Some dialogue and character actions lean towards melodramatic or overly theatrical, especially in moments of heightened emotion. For instance, Marcy's dramatic pronouncements in Scene 32 and Danny's often over-the-top villainous pronouncements can sometimes feel less organic and more like plot devices. low
- Convenient Plot Devices Certain plot elements rely on fortunate coincidences. For example, Haley finding Neil's phone in the tree in Scene 35 conveniently leads to vital information, and the timing of Waylon's arrival in Scene 52 with the right evidence feels serendipitous. low
DeepSeek
Executive Summary
- Consistent and compelling thematic exploration of cannibalism, survival, and moral corruption throughout the narrative high ( Scene 1 (Opening murder sequence) Scene 9 (Dinner scene with burnt meat revelation) Scene 51 (Final confrontation) )
- Strong character arc for Haley from victim to predator, showing believable psychological transformation high ( Scene 2 (Family dynamics introduction) Scene 34 (Haley's transformation decision) Scene 60 (Final escape) )
- Effective horror imagery and visceral scenes that create genuine tension and discomfort high ( Scene 1 (Woods murder) Scene 14 (Deer shooting) Scene 37 (Hand burning scene) )
- Strong visual symbolism (dollhouse, crawlspace, death cherry) that reinforces themes throughout medium ( Scene 4 (Dollhouse introduction) Scene 21 (Crawlspace discovery) Scene 46 (Dollhouse burning) )
- Complex portrayal of abusive relationships and the psychology of enablers medium ( Scene 16 (Marcy and Danny's bedroom) Scene 28 (Marcy's confession) Scene 57 (Hospital confrontation) )
- Pacing drags in the middle act with repetitive family conflict scenes that don't advance the plot high ( Scene 25-35 (Multiple sequences) )
- Some logical inconsistencies in character actions and police procedure undermine credibility medium ( Scene 10 (Highway driving lesson) Scene 36 (Sheriff investigation) )
- Supporting characters like Neil and Gabriel feel underdeveloped and serve primarily as plot devices medium ( Scene 12 (Parole officer scene) Scene 18 (Lawyer consultation) )
- Unclear rules for supernatural elements (Aiden's ghost) create tonal inconsistency medium ( Scene 21 (Crawlspace discovery) Scene 38 (Aiden's ghost appearance) )
- Some exposition feels forced rather than naturally integrated into the narrative low ( Scene 45 (Danny's war confession) Scene 57 (Marcy's final revelation) )
- Lack of clear timeline for when cannibalism began and how the family sustained this secret for years medium ( Scene Multiple (Throughout screenplay) )
- Insufficient exploration of the community's awareness or suspicion of the family's activities medium ( Scene 22-25 (Neil's death aftermath) )
- Underdeveloped emotional impact of the cannibalism revelation on Oli and Ava medium ( Scene 4 (Oli and Ava's bedroom) Scene 46 (Siblings' reaction) )
- Missing clear establishment of the town's geography and the funeral home's isolation low ( Scene 1 (Opening sequence) Scene 36 (Sheriff investigation) )
- Bold depiction of complex sexual dynamics in an abusive relationship, though potentially controversial high ( Scene 16 (Marcy and Danny's bedroom) )
- Effective use of ghostly elements to represent psychological trauma and internal conflict medium ( Scene 38 (Aiden's ghost guidance) Scene 60 (Final driving scene) )
- Strong sibling relationships provide emotional anchor amidst the horror medium ( Scene 49 (Birthday shed scene) Scene 59 (Woods farewell) )
- Consistent animal symbolism that mirrors the family's predatory nature low ( Scene 14 (Deer shooting) Scene 42 (Raven death) )
- Logical consistency in investigation The writer seems to underestimate police procedure and community awareness. A family operating a cannibal ring for years in a small town with an active sheriff would likely face more scrutiny. The lack of missing persons reports and forensic investigation stretches credibility. medium
- Psychological trauma portrayal While the script effectively shows the horror of the situation, it sometimes glosses over the profound psychological damage such experiences would cause, particularly in the younger children who seem to adapt too quickly to horrific revelations. medium
- Over-reliance on familiar horror tropes The script occasionally falls back on standard horror conventions (creepy dollhouse, sleepwalking, ghostly visions) without always bringing fresh perspective to these elements. low
- Inconsistent character reactions Some character responses to extreme situations feel inconsistent, particularly Oli and Ava's relatively muted reactions to discovering their family are cannibals compared to the trauma this would realistically cause. medium
Summary
High-level overview
Summary of "Permissible"
In a haunting narrative set against the backdrop of a funeral home, Permissible follows 17-year-old Haley Volk as she navigates the nightmarish realities of her troubled family life. Plagued by psychological distress and sleepwalking episodes, Haley’s journey begins with her witnessing a brutal murder in the woods, marking the onset of her harrowing ordeal.
Haley's home is a chaotic environment dominated by her abusive father, Danny, and her harsh mother, Marcy. Tensions within the family escalate as they grapple with a history of violence, neglect, and the haunting memories of their deceased brother, Hayden. In this dark setting, Haley strives to protect her younger siblings, Oli and Ava, from their parents' toxicity while dealing with her own traumas, including self-harm and the burden of a dysfunctional family.
The screenplay unfolds with a series of intense scenes where Haley fights against the oppressive grip of her father's sadistic tendencies and her mother's emotional withdrawal. She grapples with her own identity and aspirations, culminating in a desperate drive to escape their grim circumstances. The climax of the narrative sees Haley poisoned her parents, leading to a brutal confrontation that reveals the depths of familial betrayal and the lengths she’ll go to ensure the safety of her siblings.
As the story progresses, the themes of trauma, survival, and the search for freedom emerge powerfully. In a final act of defiance, Haley burns down the funeral home, symbolizing her liberation from her past, and sets out on a new journey with her siblings. The screenplay concludes on a note of hope as Haley begins to heal from her traumas, accepting the memory of Aiden while embracing the promise of a fresh start with her siblings and their newfound puppy, Woody.
In Permissible, Haley's struggle against darkness, both external and internal, encapsulates a raw and poignant exploration of resilience in the face of horror, challenging perceptions of family, love, and the fight for a better life.
Permissible
Synopsis
In the remote, decaying funeral home nestled in the foggy woods of Washington State, 17-year-old Haley Volk grapples with a life of isolation and abuse under the roof of her dysfunctional family. Haunted by vivid sleepwalking episodes and a turbulent home environment, Haley's world unravels as she uncovers horrifying family secrets tied to her parents' dark past. Her father, Danny, a war-veteran turned volatile patriarch, and her mother, Marcy, a jaded ex-convict, maintain a fragile household with Haley's twin siblings, Aiden, Oli, and the nonverbal Ava, all while hiding unspeakable acts that blur the line between survival and monstrosity.
The story begins with Haley's sleepwalking leading her into the woods, where she witnesses a brutal murder committed by a masked figure, planting seeds of doubt and fear. Back at home, family tensions escalate with Danny's unpredictable rages and Marcy's enabling silence, compounded by Aiden's chronic seizures and the younger twins' innocence amidst the chaos. As Haley delves deeper into her family's history, she discovers evidence of cannibalism and abuse, including the mysterious disappearance of her older brother Hayden years ago. Aiden, Haley's closest ally, supports her quest for emancipation and custody of Oli and Ava, but his own health deteriorates, leading to a tragic turning point that forces Haley to confront the horrors alone.
Key events unfold as Haley gathers evidence against her parents, facing physical and emotional abuse while plotting an escape. A visit from Marcy's former parole officer reignites old conflicts, and Haley's investigations reveal Danny's war crimes and the family's reliance on illicit means for survival. The narrative builds to a crescendo with Aiden's shocking decision to end his suffering, which catalyzes Haley's transformation from a fearful victim to a determined avenger. She uses her wits and the environment against her abusers, employing the deadly 'death cherry' plant and family secrets to turn the tables.
Throughout the story, Haley experiences visions of Aiden, blurring the boundaries between reality and hallucination, adding a layer of psychological depth. These spectral encounters guide her through moral dilemmas and empower her resolve. The climax erupts in a violent confrontation at the crematorium, where family loyalties shatter, and Haley must choose between vengeance and protection. In a harrowing sequence, she poisons Danny and Marcy, leading to a deadly showdown that exposes the full extent of their depravity.
Haley's arc culminates in her liberation, as she burns the funeral home to the ground, symbolizing the destruction of her traumatic past. She escapes with Oli and Ava, embracing a new beginning while grappling with the weight of her actions. The film explores themes of abuse, resilience, and the cycle of violence, offering a cathartic resolution where Haley reclaims her agency and forges a path forward. Through its intense character study and suspenseful twists, 'Permissible' delivers a raw, emotional journey that highlights the human cost of silence and the strength found in breaking free.
(Word count: 852)
Scene by Scene Summaries
Scene by Scene Summaries
- In a dark and eerie setting at a funeral home, 17-year-old Haley Volk sleepwalks into the woods, muttering about saving others from suffering. Meanwhile, a frantic woman, pursued by an unseen threat, runs through the misty woods but is brutally murdered by a masked man. Haley witnesses the horrific act in a trance, her scream drowned out by thunder, leaving a chilling sense of dread.
- In a chaotic scene set in Haley's bedroom and the cluttered living room of a funeral home, Haley wakes up gasping and grappling with her psychological distress. After a loud knocking from the closet triggers her pain, she finds herself in a heated argument with her harsh mother, Marcy, over her sleepwalking and the impact of violent TV content. Tensions escalate when Marcy slaps Haley, revealing her self-harm scars, but her twin brother Aiden intervenes to protect her. The conflict remains unresolved as Haley defiantly turns the TV back on, smirking at Marcy, highlighting the family's dysfunction and strife.
- On a rainy day outside a crematorium, Danny Volk arrives in a hearse with a cardboard coffin containing a woman's body. Tensions rise as Aiden accidentally drops the coffin, revealing the gruesome injuries of the deceased. Danny's harsh reprimand and Aiden's fears about his future lead to conflict, while Marcy expresses concern for Aiden. The scene ends with Danny rolling the body into the crematorium, leaving a sense of unease and unresolved tension.
- In a moldy bedroom, Haley wakes her younger siblings, Oliver and Ava, with playful tickling. They engage with a colorful dollhouse that reflects their grim reality, discussing their deceased brother Hayden and their mother's love. Oliver expresses fears of disappearing like Hayden, prompting Haley to reassure him and promise a Happy Meal if they hurry. As they prepare for the day, Haley confronts the harshness of their situation while trying to protect and uplift her siblings, ending with a tender hug before they leave.
- In this tense scene, Haley, Oli, Ava, and Aiden walk to a funeral home under gray skies and hail, discussing Haley's plan to fix their grandfather's El Camino and escape their parents. Aiden cautions her about the difficulties of proving parental unfitness, while Haley remains determined, teasing Oli and seeking comfort. They reluctantly board a hearse driven by Marcy, who responds dryly to their concerns. As they travel down a rutted road, Haley's frustration leads her to abruptly exit the hearse after it stops, leaving unresolved tensions in the air.
- In a rainy scene, siblings Aiden and Haley walk behind their younger siblings, Oli and Ava, who playfully collect rainwater. A sudden splash from a passing car prompts a heated argument between Aiden and Haley about their family's traumatic past and the challenges faced by their autistic brother. Haley expresses her determination to protect Oli and Ava from their parents, while Aiden defends their father. Tension rises until Sophia Ortiz arrives, lightening the mood with playful banter. The scene concludes with a warm group hug, easing the earlier conflict.
- In a grim funeral home, Marcy discovers unpaid bills while retrieving supplies in the kitchen. She confronts Danny in the crematorium as he cruelly tosses a live rat into an oven, leading to a tense argument about his sadistic behavior and their financial struggles. Marcy suggests applying for food stamps, but Danny dismisses the idea, preferring to rely on hunting. Their conflict escalates, highlighting their differing views on morality and survival, before Marcy storms out into the torrential rain, frustrated by Danny's callousness.
- In this tense scene, Oli and Ava leave elementary school while Haley and Aiden exit high school, encountering Marcy arriving in a hearse. Inside, they are overwhelmed by the smell of a charred body, leading to a confrontation between Haley and Marcy. As they drive to the crematorium, Haley sneaks around to spy on Danny, who is handling the body, but is caught by Marcy. The scene culminates with Danny's morbid comment about the charred remains, highlighting the dark and dysfunctional dynamics among the characters.
- In a dark funeral home, a family dinner turns nightmarish as Danny violently confronts Haley, leading to a brutal scene in the bathroom. Aiden intervenes to protect her, but Danny's aggression escalates, resulting in a tense moment in the living room. After Danny leaves, Aiden finds a bloodied Haley, and they share a heartfelt conversation about escaping their troubled family, ending with a glimmer of hope as they limp upstairs together.
- In this tense scene, Aiden and Haley argue in a hearse on a slick highway, escalating from a discussion about the parking brake to deeper issues about their lifestyle. Aiden's agitation peaks when he has a violent seizure, causing the hearse to careen dangerously. Haley reacts quickly, pulling the broken parking brake and stopping the car amid chaos. After ensuring Aiden recovers, she apologizes to other drivers and takes control of the vehicle, insisting on finding him medical help as they drive away.
- In a tense scene set in a funeral home, Danny struggles with his alcoholism and emotional distance from his son, Oli, who seeks connection through a game of catch. After rejecting Oli's invitation, Danny's neglect leads to a dangerous encounter with a toxic plant, the 'death cherry,' which Haley urgently intervenes to prevent. A confrontation ensues between Haley and Danny, highlighting his unresolved PTSD and reckless behavior, culminating in Danny's dismissive reaction to a call about Marcy's parole officer, leaving the family dynamics fraught with tension and unresolved issues.
- In a tense confrontation at Neil's home, Marcy urges Neil to move on from his late wife while he questions her attachment to Danny, leading to a heated argument. Neil discovers hidden documents about Danny's criminal past, escalating the conflict as Marcy threatens to expose Neil's misconduct. Despite her aggression, Neil pleads to be part of the lives of potential children, but Marcy warns him against pursuing the matter. The scene ends with Marcy leaving and Neil placing a photo of the children next to his wife's picture, highlighting themes of grief and longing for family.
- In a high school cafeteria, Haley feels uncomfortable as her friends Aiden and Sophia discuss financial struggles and relationships. After rejecting a boy's invitation to hang out, she expresses her insecurities about her genetics and abruptly leaves the table. The scene shifts to an elementary school cafeteria where Haley interacts with younger children, Oli and Ava, presenting them with snacks and engaging in playful banter. Despite her nurturing demeanor, Haley's hidden unease surfaces as she makes a pinky promise with Oli, hinting at the pressures she faces.
- In a serene moment at a funeral home's dining room, Oli and Ava are captivated by a baby deer outside, while Haley explains its nature. Oli wishes to keep the deer, but Haley insists it should remain wild. Suddenly, Danny shoots the deer, causing chaos and horror as blood splatters on Oli. Haley quickly covers the children's eyes and confronts Danny, who dismisses her concerns and drags the deer's body away. The scene ends with Haley comforting the traumatized children, leading them upstairs.
- In this tense scene, Haley is awakened by strange noises from her closet and, while navigating her dark bedroom, injures herself on a butter knife and sharp thorns outside the funeral home. She discovers Danny and Marcy in the crematorium, where Danny is gruesomely cutting meat, causing her to panic and collapse. Sheriff Waylon arrives, suspicious of their activities due to blood evidence, but Marcy deceives him, leading to a temporary resolution. Danny carries Haley back to her bedroom, where she vows to protect her sister Ava and brother Oli from the horrors surrounding them.
- In a dark and intense scene, Marcy and Danny navigate their dysfunctional relationship amidst tension and violence. After a confrontation about Danny's carelessness regarding Waylon, Marcy's aggression escalates into a sadomasochistic sexual encounter, revealing Danny's vulnerability and trauma. The dimly lit bedroom, filled with unsettling imagery, sets the stage for their disturbing dynamic, culminating in Danny's emotional breakdown as he collapses into Marcy's lap.
- In this tense scene, Haley discovers money in her books and confronts Aiden about fixing the car so she can leave. She expresses her fears about her siblings potentially going missing, leading to a confrontation with Marcy during a family lunch where she declares herself a vegetarian, provoking Marcy's aggression. After a chaotic exchange, Haley escapes to the library to research disturbing topics related to her fears, ultimately printing documents before deleting her browser history and leaving.
- In a tense scene set in Sophia's living room, Haley seeks legal advice from Gabriel Ortiz regarding adoption forms and her urgent desire to protect her siblings from their abusive father. As she recounts a traumatic incident and expresses anxiety over her father's early release from prison, Gabriel advises caution, warning against involving authorities that could complicate their situation. Despite his pragmatic counsel, Haley becomes increasingly distressed, contemplating running away with her siblings. Gabriel sets a strict deadline for scheduling a hearing, leaving Haley in a state of desperation as she questions him about doctors, prompting a concerned response from Gabriel.
- In a hospital scene, Aiden humorously completes a blood donation and discusses his aspirations with a nurse and Haley, who provides emotional support. Transitioning to the radiology lab, Dr. David Gaines reluctantly assists Aiden with a CT scan at Gabriel's request. Aiden impresses Dr. David with his knowledge of the procedure before entering the scanner, where bright lights illuminate his face, marking the beginning of the scan.
- In this poignant scene, Aiden sits nervously in Dr. David's office, where he learns about a potential tumor on his brain. Dr. David expresses concern over Aiden's lack of yearly checkups, attributing it to parental neglect, which Aiden defends by citing financial struggles. He fears that involving social services could lead to his siblings being taken away. Aiden inquires about organ donation, but Dr. David advises against it until further tests are done. After receiving a prescription, Aiden expresses a desire to leave a meaningful legacy before possibly dying. The scene shifts to the hospital waiting area, where Aiden meets Haley. He initially puts on a brave face but ultimately breaks down, leading to a comforting hug as they walk together toward the exit, symbolizing their close bond amidst uncertainty.
- In a suspenseful night scene, Haley confronts her childhood fears as she investigates a closet that leads to a terrifying attic crawlspace. There, she encounters her menacing brother Danny, who taunts her with dark memories and threats. After a harrowing chase, Haley manages to escape back to her bedroom, where she hides under her blanket as Danny ominously leaves her with a chilling promise. The scene is filled with psychological horror and a sense of unresolved dread.
- In a chilling scene set in a funeral home and crematorium, Danny violently confronts Neil, who seeks to uncover family secrets and help Haley. Tensions escalate as Danny attacks Neil, leading to Neil's brutal death. Haley, protective of her siblings, grapples with the horror of their situation, while Aiden secretly gathers evidence. The night culminates in a disturbing family dinner where they unknowingly consume Neil's remains, highlighting the family's descent into darkness and the looming threat of Danny's violent control.
- In this intense scene, Danny drives Neil's sedan and evades police before arriving at a funeral home, where he confronts Marcy about her reluctance to let Aiden attend NYU. Their argument escalates into violence when Danny slaps Marcy, provoking her to attack him in grief and anger over Hayden's death. In a moment of defiance, Marcy burns the NYU acceptance letter, symbolizing her struggle to control Aiden's future. Aiden enters, unaware of the turmoil, and attempts to help Danny, while Marcy hides the ashes of the letter, reflecting her possessiveness and unresolved grief.
- In this tense scene, Haley and Aiden share a moment by Gray Lake, where Aiden sketches Ava while Haley prepares to fish. Their conversation reveals Aiden's disillusionment and Haley's determination to confront Danny, hinting at a risky plan. As they enjoy the day, a sense of unease grows, culminating in a chilling transition to Danny, who lurks in a crawlspace, surrounded by disturbing artifacts and watching them through a rifle scope. The scene ends with Danny ominously pushing a wheelbarrow filled with skulls, amplifying the foreboding atmosphere.
- In a tense dusk scene at an auto workshop yard, Haley drives a hearse, urging Aiden, Oli, and Ava to exit quickly to avoid Marcy's wrath. Aiden meets Bastian, who fills the hearse with gas but expresses concern over Aiden's insufficient payment for his son's insulin. Aiden promises to pay later and decides to run through the woods instead. He stealthily approaches the sheriff's station, triggers an alarm with a SIM card, and escapes into the woods as Waylon discovers the alarm. In the dark woods, Aiden hides a phone and a note in a tree trunk before safely exiting the area.
- In this tense scene, Aiden witnesses Bastian towing away a car linked to Danny's troubled past, while Danny expresses his resentment towards it. Sheriff Waylon arrives, investigating reported gunshots and a missing officer, but is met with deflections from Marcy and Haley. Inside, Danny threatens his child Oli with a razor, while Haley discovers bloodstains in the crawlspace, realizing the gravity of their situation. The scene culminates in the crematorium, where Danny disposes of skulls, revealing the dark depths of his actions.
- In this tense scene, Haley is approached by guidance counselor Tariq Frost, who urgently brings her to his office to discuss alarming online behavior related to cannibalism. Frost expresses concern for her mental health and has informed her mothers, which Haley perceives as a betrayal. Defensive and frustrated, she insists on her innocence and storms out, while Frost attempts to assign her an essay and request a meeting with her friend Aiden.
- In a dimly lit funeral home living room, Haley confronts Marcy about her attempt to gain guardianship of the children, leading to a tense exchange filled with threats and emotional revelations. Marcy, initially aggressive, reveals her fear of Danny's violent past and her reasons for staying with him, while Haley probes deeper into the family's dark secrets. The confrontation escalates but ends unresolved as Marcy warns Haley to stay safe before gently leaving, leaving an atmosphere of dread and tension.
- In this intense scene, Aiden confronts Frost about the rejection of NYU for Haley's essay, leading to a violent outburst against his family. After storming out of Frost's office, Aiden accuses Marcy of ruining his life, escalating to physical aggression until Danny intervenes. The confrontation reveals Aiden's deep despair and frustration, culminating in a breakdown as he faints in Marcy's lap, leaving the family tensions unresolved.
- In a tense scene set in a funeral home at night, Haley confronts the despondent Marcy and Danny before rushing upstairs to find Aiden in a critical state. After discovering him in a bathtub filled with blood, Haley desperately tries to save him by applying a tourniquet and pleading for him to hold on. Aiden cryptically asks her to protect his siblings, Oli and Ava, before Danny's grim assessment of the situation adds to the urgency. As Marcy manages the children and emotions run high, the scene culminates with Haley picking up a blood-soaked Post-it note, symbolizing the gravity of Aiden's plight.
- In a tense night scene, Danny exits a funeral home carrying the unconscious Aiden, while Haley and Marcy desperately plead for his help. Despite initially dismissing their urgency, Danny agrees to take Aiden but violently prevents Haley from joining them, threatening her if she acts bravely. As they drive away in the hearse, Haley finds a chilling note from Aiden warning her not to let Danny eat him. The scene shifts to the hearse where Danny encounters Sheriff Waylon, who is shocked to see Aiden's condition. Danny deceives Waylon about Aiden's state, and after a brief exchange, he drives off slowly as Waylon calls for help, leaving the danger unresolved.
- In Aiden's dimly lit bedroom, Haley confronts Marcy with intense accusations of betrayal and cowardice, expressing her desperation to escape their dangerous situation. As tensions rise, Marcy reveals her own pain through a scar that symbolizes their entrapment, insisting on the need to stay hidden for safety. The emotional clash highlights Haley's determination to break free and Marcy's fear of the consequences, culminating in Haley's defiant refusal to wait any longer for a normal life.
- In this emotionally charged scene, Marcy confronts Oli and Ava in a hallway, blocking their desperate attempts to see Haley, who is heard crying behind a locked door. Despite their pleas, Marcy insists that Haley cannot see them, leading to Ava's aggressive outburst. The scene shifts to Oli and Ava's bedroom, where they grapple with the loss of Aiden. Ava symbolically places a doll representing Aiden in a crematorium, expressing her grief, while Oli accuses Aiden of breaking a promise. The siblings find solace in each other's embrace, sharing their sorrow as they navigate their profound loss.
- In a tense night scene, Haley rushes into Aiden's bedroom, overwhelmed with grief after learning of his death. She discovers a UV flashlight that reveals hidden messages from Aiden, urging her to escape. However, Danny, her captor, confronts her, preventing her from mourning and attempting to flee. He physically restrains her, taunting her about her brother's fate, and ultimately leaves her bound and gagged in her bedroom, deepening her despair.
- In a tense night scene, Danny carries Aiden's body into a crematorium, where he violently confronts Marcy, choking her unconscious to proceed with dismemberment. Meanwhile, Haley escapes her restraints and attempts to flee, witnessing the horror inside the crematorium. As she hides and then runs through the woods, Danny relentlessly pursues her, culminating in a frantic chase towards the sheriff's station.
- In scene 36, Sheriff Waylon is inside his cluttered office at night, frustratedly arguing over the phone about obtaining a warrant for Neil's location. Outside, Haley is attacked by Danny, who threatens her with a bloody knife. Despite her resistance, Danny overpowers her, forcing her to comply as they vanish into the woods. The scene is filled with tension and suspense, highlighting the conflicts faced by both Waylon and Haley.
- In a chilling scene, Danny drags a bleeding Haley into a crematorium's preparation room, where he brutally mutilates Aiden's body while taunting Haley. Despite Marcy's attempts to intervene, Danny overpowers her, burns Haley's hand, and locks her inside the room, leaving her trapped and terrified. The atmosphere is dark and violent, highlighting the sadistic nature of Danny's actions and the helplessness of both women.
- In a harrowing scene set in a crematorium preparation room at night, Haley, in deep distress, contemplates self-harm with a saw while grappling with the ghostly apparition of Aiden. As she reveals her scars and struggles with her emotions, Aiden pleads with her to stop and offers a dark survival strategy. Despite her initial resistance, the confrontation escalates, leading Haley to inflict harm upon herself in a moment of despair, culminating in a graphic and emotional climax as she drops the saw, covered in blood and crying.
- In a chilling scene set in a crematorium and preparation room, Danny attempts to lighten the mood by burning mementos of Aiden, but Marcy rejects his dark humor and distances herself from him. The tension escalates when they encounter Haley, who displays a disturbing enthusiasm for her gruesome work, packing bloody meat into labeled bags. As Danny confronts her about her actions, Haley defiantly challenges them, leaving a sense of horror and unease lingering in the air.
- In a dark and tense scene, Haley is tied up in her bedroom, pleading with Danny not to proceed with a sinister plan involving his son. Danny, dismissive and sadistic, forces her into a bathroom with a bloodstained tub, taunting her as he prepares for a gruesome 'feast.' Despite her resistance, including spitting in his face and slamming a glass door, Danny overpowers her, dragging her away as the atmosphere thickens with horror and psychological dread.
- In a tense and oppressive scene set in a funeral home's dining room, Haley, visibly distressed, joins Danny, Oli, and Ava for a forced meal centered around Aiden's photo. Danny's aggressive behavior escalates as he threatens Oli with a razor and attempts to intimidate Ava, while Marcy intervenes to protect them. Despite the emotional turmoil, Danny insists on eating, prompting Haley to serve herself while weeping. The scene concludes with Haley taking Oli and Ava away, leaving their plates mostly untouched, highlighting the unresolved grief and fear.
- In this tense scene outside a funeral home, Ava, Oli, and Haley perform a small funeral ritual for a raven, symbolizing closure. As emotions run high, Danny provocatively suggests burning the place down, prompting a hasty departure from the group. Meanwhile, Marcy and Frost engage in a heated argument over Haley's well-being and schooling, with Frost threatening to involve social services. Marcy reluctantly allows a private conversation, leading to Haley's reluctant entry into Frost's SUV, leaving her caught between conflicting loyalties and unresolved tensions.
- In a tense scene inside Frost's SUV, Haley, emotionally devastated, rejects Frost's attempts to help her with the NYU situation and accuses Marcy of causing Aiden's death. As she grapples with her pain, she secretly grabs a charging cable, symbolizing her desire for independence. Outside, Marcy's cryptic act of eating a dried cherry in response to Haley's accusations adds to the confrontation, leaving unresolved emotional turmoil between the characters.
- In this tense scene, Haley locks her bedroom door for privacy and retrieves a cellphone with a birthday-related password hint. After a moment of frustration, she successfully unlocks the phone and discovers incriminating information about Danny. She texts Gabriel with the evidence, claiming Danny is a war criminal. However, her secretive actions are interrupted by firm knocks on the door, prompting her to quickly hide the phone and mask her panic as Marcy enters. The scene ends with them leaving the room together, heightening the suspense.
- In a tense scene set in a crematorium, Danny, Marcy, and Haley confront dark secrets and personal betrayals. Danny shares his traumatic past, revealing his cannibalism origins, while Haley questions his loyalty and hints at infidelity. The atmosphere escalates as Danny accuses Marcy of cheating, leading to a violent argument that culminates in him tossing a family photo into the oven, symbolizing their fractured relationships and unresolved conflicts.
- In this intense scene, Haley, grieving Aiden's death, rejects comfort from Oli and Ava, asserting her control by burning a dollhouse at the crematorium. As tensions rise, she violently confronts Oli and Ava outside the funeral home, forcing them to flee. The scene shifts to Haley's bedroom at night, where she listens to Aiden's recording about cannibalism, researches death cherries, and prepares for a dark plan, revealing her violent intentions with a razor blade.
- In a tense scene set in a funeral home living room, Danny excitedly discusses a double homicide and his plans for butchering the bodies, inviting Haley to assist. Meanwhile, Marcy warns Haley that Danny intends to kill Oli and Ava, leading to Haley's panic and eventual collapse. After regaining consciousness, Haley sends Oli and Ava away, left alone to grapple with her distress and the dark revelations about her family's fate.
- In a dark and unsettling scene, Haley enters a crematorium at night with garbage bags and a shovel, hinting at a sinister plan. After digging, she prepares a meal using meat that is implied to be part of Aiden, a ghostly figure who pleads for the safety of children Oli and Ava. Despite Aiden's desperate warnings, Haley embraces her dark transformation and prepares the meal with a twisted satisfaction. As Oli and Ava excitedly approach to eat, Haley abruptly stops them, revealing the food is not meant for them, leaving a chilling sense of danger.
- In scene 49, Haley, Oli, and Ava approach a shed at a funeral home, where Haley reveals a festive surprise for Aiden. The atmosphere shifts from joy to tension when the hearse returns, prompting Haley to leave urgently. She instructs Oli to call 911 if she doesn't return, leaving the children with Aiden as she sprints into the dark woods, filled with anxiety about her safety.
- In a tense dinner scene at a funeral home, Danny and Marcy join Haley, who has prepared a lavish meal. As they eat, Haley's strange behavior raises suspicion, and the revelation of a birthday cake causes her distress. Danny and Marcy soon feel ill after consuming the poisoned food, leading to Danny's collapse. Meanwhile, in a shed, Oli and Ava attempt to call for help but are thwarted by Haley, who insists on keeping them safe. The scene ends with a sense of impending danger as Haley's true intentions are revealed.
- In a tense crematorium setting, Haley confronts Danny and Marcy after poisoning them, revealing her plan to stage Danny's suicide. A violent struggle ensues as Danny fights back, but Marcy ultimately shoots him dead to save herself. As Haley threatens Marcy with a razor, police sirens force her to flee, leaving the scene steeped in chaos and bloodshed.
- In a tense confrontation at a funeral home's crematorium, Sheriff Waylon and his deputies arrive to investigate a suspect. Haley, panicked, tries to delete incriminating evidence from Danny's phone while Marcy reveals her survival tactics before collapsing from poison. As the timer counts down, Haley manages to delete the text just in time, but the situation escalates with Marcy's medical emergency, prompting Waylon to call for an ambulance.
- In this tense scene, Haley navigates a chaotic situation at a funeral home and crematorium following a violent incident involving her abusive partner, Danny. As paramedics transport Marcy to the hospital, Haley ensures her children are taken away for safety. Authority figure Waylon questions Haley about the events leading to Danny's death, suspecting her of lying about Neil's involvement. The conversation escalates as Haley defends herself, revealing Danny's abusive behavior and the circumstances of Neil's confrontation with him. The scene culminates in the grim setting of the crematorium, where evidence of the crime is laid bare, leaving Haley to confront her own precarious situation.
- In scene 54, Waylon and Haley confront a haunting discovery outside a crematorium when deputies reveal a boy's skull, which Haley identifies as her long-lost brother, Hayden. Overcome with emotion, she suggests visiting her mother, while Waylon's suspicion leads him to check the freezer inside the preparation room, which is found empty, leaving him doubtful but Haley relieved. As they drive in the sheriff's cruiser, Waylon wishes Haley a happy birthday, symbolizing her newfound freedom. They arrive at Sophia's house, where Waylon informs Haley of an anonymous tip regarding abuse, and she enters the house with gratitude as he drives away.
- In scene 55, Gabriel visits Sophia's house at night, where he finds Haley anxious and ready to leave despite ongoing legal issues regarding custody. Sophia arrives with her children, Oli and Ava, who embrace Haley, emphasizing their family connection. Haley learns that a restraining order against Marcy was denied, leading to her distress and determination to fight for her family. After expressing gratitude to Gabriel and asking for his continued legal support, Haley prepares to confront her challenges, instructing the children to stay with Sophia as she exits the SUV at the hospital, setting the stage for her next move.
- In a tense hospital room, Marcy, recovering from an injury, is confronted by Haley, who accuses her of knowing about the killer of Hayden and threatens to keep her children away. Haley reveals a map indicating buried remains and warns Marcy against mentioning her name. The scene shifts to a flashback of Haley in the woods, burying remains and vowing to protect others, while expressing emotional distress. The confrontation leaves Marcy vulnerable and Haley in control, highlighting themes of guilt and revenge.
- In a tense hospital room, Marcy breaks down as Haley confronts her about Aiden's burial site, insisting Marcy stay out of their lives. Haley's taunts about revenge escalate the conflict, while Sheriff Waylon enters, accusing Marcy of poisoning Danny. As Marcy expresses her regret and hands over her organ donor registration, Waylon reveals a photo of Hayden's skull, horrifying her. The scene ends with Marcy weeping in rage as Waylon prepares to leave.
- In this poignant scene, Haley bids an emotional farewell to Sophia at the funeral home before setting the building ablaze, symbolizing her struggle with the past. After instructing Oli and Ava to finish cupcakes, Haley pours gasoline throughout the funeral home and ignites it, declaring 'RIP, motherfucker!' as she watches it burn. Joined by Oli and Ava, she gathers wildflowers in the moonlit woods, reflecting on her desire to prevent any more souls from being trapped in the home, marking a bittersweet closure to her traumatic history.
- In the woods at night, Haley comforts a frightened Ava while Oli expresses joy. Haley admits her fear of people rather than the woods and reassures Ava with love. They encounter Aiden, who acknowledges his past mistakes, leading to a moment of reconciliation. Haley reveals Aiden's resting place and leads a heartfelt prayer with the children. Afterward, they find a golden wolf puppy, which Haley decides to keep, naming it Woody, bringing smiles to Oli and Ava.
- In the final scene, set at dawn outside an auto workshop, Haley receives the keys to Aiden's El Camino from mechanic Bastian and prepares for a journey to New York with her children, Ava and Oli, and their puppy Woody. As she grapples with her hallucination of Aiden, she discards a steel razor, symbolizing her release from past burdens. Haley playfully interacts with Aiden's spirit while revealing her struggles with ADHD to the children, who express their longing for him. The scene culminates in a hopeful drive into the sunrise, affirming their shared adventure and the embrace of new beginnings.
📊 Script Snapshot
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Analysis: The screenplay 'Permissible' demonstrates strong character development, particularly in its portrayal of Haley's transformative journey from victim to empowered survivor, which drives the narrative's emotional core. While the main characters exhibit depth and relatability, some secondary arcs, like those of Oli and Ava, could benefit from greater nuance to enhance audience engagement and thematic resonance. Overall, the character growth effectively underscores themes of trauma, family loyalty, and redemption, contributing to a gripping and emotionally charged story.
Key Strengths
- Haley's arc is particularly compelling, showcasing her transformation from a victim of abuse to a proactive survivor, which drives the narrative and evokes strong emotional engagement.
Areas to Improve
- Oli and Ava's arcs are underdeveloped, with their innocence and fear not evolving sufficiently, which diminishes their emotional impact and relatability in a story centered on family trauma.
Analysis: The screenplay 'Permissible' effectively establishes a compelling premise centered on a dysfunctional family's dark secrets involving trauma, cannibalism, and survival, drawing viewers in with its intense emotional stakes and psychological depth. However, while the premise is original and engaging, it could benefit from refining the clarity of supernatural elements and tightening the narrative focus to enhance audience immersion and emotional resonance.
Key Strengths
- The premise's strong hook in the opening scene immediately establishes tension and intrigue, drawing audiences into Haley's world of fear and family secrets, which sets a compelling tone for the entire narrative.
- Haley's character arc is deeply engaging, with her transformation from victim to empowered survivor adding emotional depth and making the premise relatable and compelling.
Areas to Improve
- The ambiguity surrounding Haley's hallucinations and the supernatural elements can confuse the audience, diluting the premise's clarity and potentially weakening emotional engagement.
Analysis: The screenplay 'Permissible' effectively crafts a gripping psychological thriller centered on family trauma, redemption, and survival, with a strong focus on Haley's transformative journey. Its structure builds suspense through escalating conflicts and revelations, maintaining high engagement despite some pacing inconsistencies and overly dense plot elements. Strengths lie in vivid character arcs and thematic depth, but refinements in pacing and narrative clarity could enhance its impact, drawing inspiration from works like 'The Sixth Sense' for handling hallucinations and 'Prisoners' for sustained tension.
Key Strengths
- The screenplay excels in building suspense through escalating conflicts and revelations, particularly in Haley's arc, which drives the narrative forward and maintains audience engagement.
Areas to Improve
- Some scenes are overly graphic and dense, potentially disrupting pacing and emotional resonance, which could alienate audiences or make the narrative feel exploitative rather than character-driven.
Analysis: The screenplay 'Permissible' effectively explores themes of family trauma, survival, and the cycle of violence, with strong emotional resonance driven by character arcs and graphic realism. Strengths lie in its unflinching portrayal of abuse and redemption, but areas for improvement include refining thematic subtlety to avoid didacticism and enhancing message universality for broader appeal.
Key Strengths
- The screenplay's exploration of Haley's arc powerfully conveys themes of resilience and redemption, creating emotional depth and audience investment through her transformative journey from victim to empowered survivor.
- Family dynamics and confrontations effectively highlight the cycle of violence and trauma, fostering intellectual engagement and emotional resonance by mirroring real-world issues of abuse and loyalty.
Analysis: The screenplay 'Permissible' excels in crafting a haunting, immersive visual world that blends gothic horror with psychological depth, effectively using recurring motifs like fire, blood, and decay to symbolize family trauma and moral decay. Its innovative visual approaches, such as the dollhouse as a metaphor for entrapment and the ethereal presence of Aiden, enhance emotional resonance, making it a compelling visual narrative despite some areas of redundancy and over-description that could be streamlined for greater impact.
Key Strengths
- The screenplay's use of symbolic motifs, such as the dollhouse and fire, effectively conveys themes of entrapment and destruction, adding emotional depth and making abstract concepts visually tangible.
- Vivid descriptions of settings, like the eerie woods and crematorium, create a strong atmospheric foundation that immerses viewers and builds tension, enhancing the horror genre's impact.
Areas to Improve
- Some visual descriptions are overly graphic and repetitive, particularly in violence scenes, which can desensitize the audience and reduce emotional impact; condensing these could maintain intensity without excess.
- Lack of visual variety in pacing and composition may lead to monotony; incorporating more dynamic shifts, such as contrasting light and shadow, would enhance engagement and reflect character emotions better.
Analysis: The screenplay 'Permissible' delivers a powerful emotional impact through its raw depiction of family trauma, survival, and redemption, particularly in Haley's transformative arc. Strengths lie in its intense, relatable character moments and high-stakes conflicts that evoke deep empathy and tension. However, opportunities for enhancement exist in balancing the supernatural elements with emotional authenticity and refining pacing to avoid melodrama, potentially elevating its resonance and universality.
Key Strengths
- The screenplay excels in portraying Haley's emotional journey, creating a strong sense of investment through her protective instincts and moments of vulnerability, which draw audiences into the narrative and foster deep empathy. This is exemplified in scenes where she confronts her fears and fights for her siblings, making her arc highly relatable and emotionally resonant.
Areas to Improve
- The supernatural elements, particularly Aiden's ghost, can undermine emotional authenticity by introducing ambiguity that distracts from the raw, realistic trauma. Reducing or grounding these aspects could enhance believability and deepen audience investment in the characters' struggles.
Analysis: The screenplay 'Permissible' effectively utilizes conflict and stakes to create a gripping narrative centered on family trauma, survival, and moral ambiguity. Conflicts are primarily driven by Haley's rebellion against her abusive family and the dark secrets they harbor, while stakes escalate from personal emotional struggles to life-threatening situations. This contributes to strong narrative tension and audience engagement, but opportunities exist to refine conflict clarity and stake escalation for more consistent pacing and emotional depth, ensuring conflicts feel more organic and stakes are tied more explicitly to character motivations.
Key Strengths
- The screenplay excels in portraying Haley's internal and external conflicts, creating a strong emotional core that drives the narrative and keeps the audience invested. Her arc, from victim to empowered survivor, is compelling and relatable, with conflicts that feel authentic and tied to real-world issues of abuse and trauma.
Areas to Improve
- Some conflicts, such as Marcy's complicity and Danny's motivations, lack sufficient depth, leading to moments where audience empathy wavers and tension feels less earned, potentially reducing overall narrative drive.
Analysis: This screenplay excels in originality and creativity by weaving a harrowing tale of family trauma, psychological horror, and redemption, centered around a protagonist's hallucinatory interactions with her deceased twin brother. Its bold exploration of themes like abuse, cannibalism, and mental health, combined with innovative narrative devices such as hallucinations and symbolic elements, creates a visceral and emotionally charged story that stands out in the horror-drama genre.
View Complete AnalysisTop Takeaway from This Section
Screenplay Story Analysis
Note: This is the overall critique. For scene by scene critique click here
Top Takeaway from This Section
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Character Haley
Description Haley's rapid shift from being horrified by cannibalism and violence to embracing it (e.g., butchering Aiden's body and enjoying the process) feels unjustified and driven by plot needs rather than character development. Her earlier protective and rebellious nature is contradicted without sufficient emotional buildup, making her actions seem like a convenient plot device to escalate the story.
( Scene 38 (38) Scene 39 (39) Scene 41 (41) ) -
Character Marcy
Description Marcy's behavior oscillates inconsistently between abusive and protective, such as warning Haley about Danny's intentions in scene 45 after being antagonistic earlier. This shift lacks clear motivation and appears to serve the plot by providing exposition or creating conflict, rather than stemming from her established character traits of being jaded and self-serving.
( Scene 28 (28) Scene 45 (45) Scene 52 (52) ) -
Character Danny
Description Danny's calm, philosophical demeanor during violent acts (e.g., humming while killing in scene 16) is consistent with his sadistic nature, but his sudden emotional vulnerability and regret in scene 46 feel out of place and contrived, likely to humanize him for dramatic effect rather than aligning with his portrayal as a consistently unhinged antagonist.
( Scene 16 (16) Scene 46 (46) )
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Description The story lacks coherence in how Haley manages to bury Neil's body and clean up evidence without any witnesses or interruptions, despite the family's isolated but frequently visited location. This gap disrupts the narrative flow, as it implies implausible opportunities for Haley to act undetected, especially given Danny and Marcy's constant presence.
( Scene 22 (22) Scene 35 (35) ) -
Description The timeline of Aiden's death and the handling of his body is inconsistent; Danny takes Aiden's body in scene 30, but Haley later buries parts of it in a flashback. This creates confusion about what happens to the body and how Haley accesses it, undermining the story's logical progression.
( Scene 30 (30) Scene 38 (38) )
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Description A significant plot hole exists in how Haley buries Neil's body and later uses his phone without raising suspicion, especially since the police are already investigating disappearances. This affects believability, as there's no explanation for how she avoids detection or why the police don't connect the dots earlier with the evidence available.
( Scene 22 (22) Scene 35 (35) ) -
Description Haley's ability to record and send incriminating evidence using a low-battery phone without being caught or the phone failing at critical moments is a plot hole. Additionally, the death cherry's effects are inconsistently applied—Marcy builds tolerance, but it's depicted as fatal elsewhere—creating ambiguity in the story's internal logic.
( Scene 44 (44) Scene 56 (56) ) -
Description Generally, the resolution involving the police and social services is underdeveloped; despite multiple red flags (e.g., disappearances, abuse reports), authorities only intervene at the end, which feels contrived and relies on coincidence rather than building narrative tension.
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Description Haley's dialogue, such as 'You have to be evil to fight evil sometimes' in scene 5, sounds overly dramatic and philosophical for a 17-year-old in a high-stress situation, lacking the raw, emotional authenticity expected from her character. It feels more like exposition than natural teen speech.
( Scene 5 (5) Scene 42 (42) ) -
Description Danny's lines, like 'We give to take. We're grateful for your sacrifice' during a kill, are poetic and ritualistic, which may not authentically reflect a character's impulsive violence; it comes across as scripted for thematic emphasis rather than organic dialogue.
( Scene 16 (16) Scene 39 (39) ) -
Description Marcy's dialogue, such as 'You'll never have a normal life,' feels clichéd and overly direct, not aligning with her jaded, pragmatic character, who might express such sentiments more subtly or manipulatively.
( Scene 28 (28) )
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Element Action and theme
( Scene 1 (1) Scene 15 (15) Scene 21 (21) )
Suggestion Multiple scenes of Haley sleepwalking and experiencing visions (e.g., scenes 1, 15, 21) are redundant and could be consolidated into one or two instances to avoid repetition, streamlining the narrative and reducing emphasis on this motif without losing its impact. -
Element Dialogue
( Scene 5 (5) Scene 10 (10) Scene 29 (29) )
Suggestion Repetitive discussions about escaping and family abuse (e.g., Haley's lines in scenes 5, 10, 29) could be shortened or combined, as they convey similar themes; this would improve pacing by cutting redundant exposition and focusing on progression. -
Element Scene structure
Suggestion The script has several scenes with similar confrontations between family members (e.g., arguments in the dining room across multiple scenes), which could be restructured to occur less frequently, perhaps by merging them into key conflict moments, to enhance narrative efficiency and reduce viewer fatigue.
Characters in the screenplay, and their arcs:
| Character | Arc | Critique | Suggestions |
|---|---|---|---|
| Haley | Haley's character arc begins with her as a defiant and protective older sister, struggling with her family's traumatic history and her own sleepwalking issues. As the story progresses, she faces escalating dangers and emotional turmoil, leading her to confront her fears and the dark truths of her family. Initially driven by a desire for independence and survival, Haley's journey transforms her into a more complex character who grapples with moral ambiguity and the consequences of her actions. By the climax, she must make difficult choices that test her loyalty and sense of justice, ultimately leading to a moment of reckoning where she embraces her vulnerabilities and seeks redemption. In the resolution, Haley emerges as a stronger, more self-aware individual, ready to break free from the cycle of trauma and forge a new path for herself and her siblings. | Haley's character arc is compelling and rich with emotional depth, showcasing her transformation from a rebellious teenager to a more self-aware individual. However, the arc could benefit from clearer motivations and stakes throughout the screenplay. While her defiance and protectiveness are well-established, there are moments where her internal conflicts could be more explicitly tied to her actions and decisions. Additionally, the balance between her vulnerability and strength could be further explored to create a more nuanced portrayal of her character. | To improve Haley's character arc, consider incorporating more scenes that highlight her internal struggles and the consequences of her choices. This could involve flashbacks or moments of introspection that connect her past traumas to her present actions. Additionally, introducing a mentor or ally who challenges her perspective could provide opportunities for growth and self-discovery. Finally, ensure that her emotional journey is reflected in the climax and resolution, allowing her to confront not only external threats but also her own fears and insecurities, leading to a more satisfying and cohesive character development. |
| Marcy | Marcy's character arc follows her journey from a jaded and emotionally guarded woman to one who confronts her past and seeks redemption. Initially, she is depicted as a harsh stepmother struggling to maintain control over her family amidst dark secrets and moral dilemmas. As the story progresses, Marcy's internal conflicts intensify, forcing her to confront her guilt and the consequences of her actions. Through her interactions with her children, particularly Danny and Haley, she begins to reveal her vulnerabilities and the depth of her love for them. Ultimately, Marcy must make a choice between protecting her family at all costs or facing the truth of her past. By the climax, she embraces her role as a protector, leading to a moment of self-sacrifice that allows her to find redemption and a sense of peace, transforming her from a figure of manipulation to one of strength and vulnerability. | While Marcy's character is rich and layered, her arc can feel somewhat predictable, as she follows a familiar trajectory of redemption. The complexity of her emotions and motivations is compelling, but there are moments where her actions may come off as inconsistent or overly reactive, which can detract from her overall development. Additionally, her relationships with other characters, particularly her children, could benefit from deeper exploration to enhance the emotional stakes and provide a clearer understanding of her motivations. | To improve Marcy's character arc, consider incorporating more nuanced interactions with her children that reveal her internal struggles and growth. Allow her to have moments of vulnerability that are not just reactive but also proactive, showcasing her attempts to change and seek forgiveness. Introduce a subplot that challenges her beliefs and forces her to confront her past in a more direct way, perhaps through a confrontation with a figure from her past or a critical event that forces her to choose between her family's safety and her own moral compass. This could add depth to her character and make her eventual redemption feel more earned and impactful. |
| Aiden | Aiden's character arc begins with him as a supportive and kind-hearted brother, attempting to mediate family conflicts while grappling with his own insecurities and health issues. As the story unfolds, he faces increasing challenges that test his resilience and sense of responsibility. Aiden's journey involves confronting the darker aspects of his family's dynamics and his own fears, leading him to a point of introspection where he must choose between loyalty to his family and his own desires for independence. Ultimately, Aiden evolves into a more determined and self-aware individual, finding strength in vulnerability and learning to confront difficult truths. By the end of the feature, he emerges as a symbol of hope and emotional resolution, particularly for Haley, as he helps her navigate her own crises. | Aiden's character arc is compelling and rich with emotional depth, but it could benefit from clearer milestones that mark his growth throughout the screenplay. While his supportive nature is well-established, the internal conflicts he faces could be more explicitly tied to specific events or turning points in the plot. Additionally, the supernatural elements of his character towards the end may feel abrupt if not foreshadowed adequately earlier in the story. Aiden's journey could also explore more of his personal aspirations and how they conflict with family expectations, providing a stronger foundation for his eventual transformation. | To improve Aiden's character arc, consider incorporating specific scenes that highlight his internal struggles and growth, such as moments where he must choose between family loyalty and his own aspirations. Introduce challenges that force him to confront his fears and insecurities, allowing for a more gradual evolution. Foreshadow the supernatural elements of his character earlier in the screenplay to create a more cohesive narrative. Additionally, explore Aiden's personal goals, such as his desire to become a neurologist, and how these aspirations are impacted by family dynamics. This will add layers to his character and make his eventual resolution more impactful. |
| Oli | Oli's character arc follows his journey from a naive and innocent child, overwhelmed by the chaos of his family's struggles, to a more resilient and understanding individual who learns to confront his fears and support his loved ones. Initially, he is portrayed as vulnerable and reliant on Haley for reassurance. As the story progresses, he witnesses the harsh realities of life, which forces him to grapple with his emotions and the complexities of adult conflicts. By the end of the feature, Oli emerges as a more courageous and empathetic character, capable of offering comfort and stability to his family, thus transforming his innocence into a source of strength. | Oli's character arc is compelling as it captures the essence of childhood innocence amidst chaos. However, it may benefit from deeper exploration of his internal struggles and growth. While he is portrayed as sensitive and caring, the screenplay could further emphasize his moments of bravery and decision-making, allowing the audience to witness his transformation more vividly. Additionally, the impact of his experiences on his worldview could be more pronounced, showcasing how he learns to cope with fear and uncertainty. | To improve Oli's character arc, consider incorporating pivotal moments where he must make choices that reflect his growth. For instance, he could face a situation where he has to protect Haley or Ava, demonstrating his newfound courage. Additionally, including flashbacks or dream sequences that highlight his fears and desires could provide depth to his character. Finally, allowing Oli to have a moment of agency in the climax of the story could solidify his transformation from a passive observer to an active participant in his family's journey. |
| Ava | Ava begins as a fearful and vulnerable child, deeply affected by the traumatic events around her. Throughout the screenplay, she experiences significant emotional growth, moving from a place of reliance on her siblings for comfort to becoming a more assertive and protective figure. As she confronts the darkness surrounding her family, Ava learns to harness her emotions, transforming her fear into courage. By the climax, she stands up for herself and her siblings, showcasing her bravery and resourcefulness. Ultimately, Ava emerges as a resilient character who balances her vulnerability with newfound strength, symbolizing hope and the power of familial bonds. | While Ava's character arc is compelling, it may benefit from more distinct moments of growth that highlight her transition from vulnerability to strength. The emotional depth is well-established, but the screenplay could explore her internal struggles more explicitly, allowing the audience to witness her transformation in a more tangible way. Additionally, her relationship with her siblings could be further developed to showcase how their dynamics influence her growth. | To improve Ava's character arc, consider incorporating key scenes that illustrate her gradual shift from fear to bravery. For example, include a pivotal moment where she must make a difficult choice that tests her courage and leadership. Additionally, deepen her interactions with Haley and Oli to emphasize how their support and challenges shape her development. Providing Ava with a personal goal or desire that she strives to achieve throughout the story could also enhance her arc, making her journey more relatable and impactful. |
| Danny | Danny's character arc follows his descent into darkness as he grapples with his past traumas and the consequences of his violent behavior. Initially, he is portrayed as a menacing figure who exerts control through fear and manipulation. As the story progresses, moments of vulnerability and guilt surface, revealing his internal struggles. The climax of his arc occurs when he faces the repercussions of his actions, leading to a critical choice: to continue down his path of violence or seek redemption. Ultimately, Danny's journey culminates in a moment of self-realization, where he must confront his demons and decide whether to break the cycle of abuse or succumb to his darker instincts. | While Danny's character is richly layered and compelling, his arc may benefit from a clearer trajectory that emphasizes his internal conflict. The balance between his menacing exterior and moments of vulnerability could be more pronounced, allowing the audience to empathize with his struggles. Additionally, the resolution of his arc may feel rushed if not adequately developed, potentially undermining the impact of his transformation or downfall. | To improve Danny's character arc, consider incorporating more scenes that explore his backstory and the origins of his trauma, allowing the audience to understand his motivations better. Gradually reveal his vulnerabilities through interactions with other characters, particularly those he manipulates, to create a more nuanced portrayal. Additionally, ensure that the climax of his arc is well-paced, providing sufficient buildup to his critical choice. This could involve a pivotal confrontation that forces him to confront his past and the consequences of his actions, ultimately leading to a more satisfying and impactful resolution. |
Top Takeaway from This Section
Theme Analysis Overview
Identified Themes
| Theme | Theme Details | Theme Explanation | Primary Theme Support | ||||||||||||
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
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Trauma and its Cycles
95%
|
The screenplay consistently depicts characters grappling with severe psychological and physical trauma. Haley's sleepwalking and nightmares, Aiden's seizures and mental health struggles, Danny's PTSD and violent outbursts, Marcy's complicity rooted in her own abuse, and the younger children's exposure to violence all point to a pervasive atmosphere of trauma. The narrative shows how this trauma is often passed down or replicated, creating a disturbing cycle of abuse.
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This theme explores how deeply damaging experiences affect individuals, influencing their behavior, mental state, and relationships. It highlights how trauma can manifest in various ways, from psychological distress to extreme violence, and how it can perpetuate through generations if not addressed. |
This is the absolute bedrock of the screenplay. Every other theme directly stems from or is a consequence of the pervasive trauma experienced by the Volk family. Haley's fight for freedom is a direct response to her traumatic environment. The corruption of innocence, the blurred morality, and the search for identity are all shaped by the characters' efforts to cope with and escape this trauma.
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Strengthening Trauma and its Cycles
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Survival and Sacrifice
90%
|
Characters repeatedly engage in extreme actions for survival. Haley's increasingly violent and morally compromised actions to protect her siblings, Danny's descent into cannibalism and murder to cope with his own trauma, and Marcy's complicity to 'keep everyone alive' all illustrate this theme. Sacrifices are made, sometimes willingly (Haley's transformation), sometimes unwillingly (the victims), and the narrative questions the ethical boundaries of survival.
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This theme examines the lengths to which individuals will go to survive, especially in a life-threatening or psychologically damaging environment. It also explores the concept of sacrifice, whether it's personal well-being, moral integrity, or the lives of others, made in the name of survival or protection. |
This theme is inextricably linked to trauma. The survival instinct is a direct consequence of the trauma inflicted, and the sacrifices made are often desperate attempts to break free from its grip or protect oneself and loved ones from its continuation. Haley's ultimate actions are driven by a need to survive and protect, even if they become monstrous.
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Familial Dysfunction and Corruption of Innocence
85%
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The Volk family is characterized by extreme dysfunction. Parental neglect, abuse, violence, and implied cannibalism create a horrific environment for the children. Oli and Ava's innocence is constantly threatened and eroded by their exposure to this reality, while Haley is forced to mature rapidly, becoming a protector and eventually a perpetrator herself. Aiden's struggles also highlight the damage inflicted by this environment.
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This theme focuses on the breakdown of healthy family structures and the negative impact this has on its members, particularly the younger ones. It explores how a toxic home environment can corrupt innocence, forcing children into roles they are not equipped for and leading to a loss of their childhood. |
The dysfunctional family environment is the crucible in which the trauma is forged and perpetuated. The corruption of innocence is a direct result of this dysfunction, showing how the cycle of trauma damages the most vulnerable. Haley's efforts to protect her siblings and herself are a direct consequence of this extreme dysfunction.
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Morality and Blurred Lines
80%
|
The screenplay constantly challenges the audience's perception of right and wrong. Haley's actions, while initially driven by a desire to protect, become increasingly violent and morally ambiguous. Danny and Marcy are clearly monstrous, but their motivations are sometimes rooted in their own trauma, creating a complex moral landscape. The film forces viewers to question if extreme circumstances can justify extreme actions.
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This theme delves into the complexities of good and evil, exploring how morality can be distorted or tested under immense pressure. It questions whether actions are inherently right or wrong, or if they are dictated by context, survival, and the environment in which individuals find themselves. |
The blurred lines of morality are a direct outcome of the overwhelming trauma and the extreme measures required for survival. Haley's descent into violence is a tragic consequence of trying to fight evil with its own tools, a theme that directly supports the primary narrative of escaping trauma's cycle.
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Search for Identity and Freedom
75%
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Haley's journey is a quest for self-discovery and liberation. She seeks to escape her family's legacy, find her own identity outside of their confines, and ultimately secure freedom for herself and her siblings. Aiden's aspirations (NYU) and Haley's plan to leave represent a yearning for a normal life and self-definition.
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This theme focuses on an individual's journey to understand who they are, separate from societal or familial expectations, and to achieve independence and self-determination. It explores the internal struggle to define oneself and the external efforts to break free from constraints. |
The desire for freedom and a new identity is the driving force behind Haley's fight for survival. Her struggle to define herself outside the context of her abusive family and traumatic past is a direct attempt to escape the cycle of trauma. Her actions, however extreme, are aimed at achieving this liberation.
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The Corrosive Nature of Secrets and Lies
70%
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The Volk family is built on a foundation of secrets and lies, from Danny's cannibalism and murders to Marcy's complicity and Neil's involvement. These hidden truths fester and contribute to the ongoing dysfunction and violence, ultimately leading to tragic consequences.
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This theme highlights how deception, concealment, and dishonesty within a family or system can lead to profound damage. It suggests that secrets, especially those involving horrific acts, create a toxic environment that inevitably festers and erupts, leading to destruction. |
The secrets and lies are the mechanism through which the trauma is perpetuated and hidden. Haley's uncovering of these secrets is crucial to her fight for survival and freedom, directly supporting the primary theme by exposing the rot at the heart of the family's trauma and dysfunction.
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Justice and Retribution
65%
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While the script features acts of violence, there's also an undercurrent of seeking justice, albeit a distorted form of it through Haley's actions. Her eventual plan to expose and destroy her family, and the legal proceedings initiated by Gabriel and Waylon, suggest a drive towards accountability.
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This theme examines the concepts of fairness, accountability, and punishment for wrongdoing. It questions whether justice is achieved through legal means, personal vengeance, or a combination thereof, and explores the idea of retribution for inflicted harms. |
Haley's pursuit of 'justice' for her family is a direct response to the extreme trauma they have endured. Her methods become increasingly vengeful, showing how the desire to break free from the trauma can morph into a desire for retribution against those who caused it, thus supporting the primary theme's exploration of the extreme consequences of trauma.
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Hope and Resilience
50%
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Despite the overwhelming darkness, moments of resilience and hope flicker. Haley's unwavering determination to save her siblings, Aiden's dreams of NYU, and the bond between the children offer glimpses of a potential for a better future, even if it's achieved through extreme means or comes at a great cost.
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This theme explores the human capacity to endure hardship, bounce back from adversity, and maintain optimism in the face of overwhelming challenges. It highlights the strength of the human spirit and the drive to find light even in the darkest of circumstances. |
The theme of hope and resilience is crucial for giving the narrative its driving force. Haley's persistent hope for escape and a better life for her siblings fuels her actions, which are central to the primary theme of fighting for survival and breaking free from trauma. It serves as the motivation behind the struggle.
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Screenwriting Resources on Themes
Articles
| Site | Description |
|---|---|
| Studio Binder | Movie Themes: Examples of Common Themes for Screenwriters |
| Coverfly | Improving your Screenplay's theme |
| John August | Writing from Theme |
YouTube Videos
| Title | Description |
|---|---|
| Story, Plot, Genre, Theme - Screenwriting Basics | Screenwriting basics - beginner video |
| What is theme | Discussion on ways to layer theme into a screenplay. |
| Thematic Mistakes You're Making in Your Script | Common Theme mistakes and Philosophical Conflicts |
Top Takeaway from This Section
Emotional Analysis
Emotional Variety
Critique
- The screenplay maintains a consistently dark emotional palette dominated by fear, terror, and dread throughout most scenes. While this creates a cohesive horror atmosphere, it risks emotional fatigue for the audience. Scenes 1, 9, 15, 21, 35, and 37 all feature terror intensity ratings of 10, creating a relentless cycle of horror without sufficient emotional contrast.
- Positive emotions like joy and hope appear sparingly and often at low intensities (typically 1-4), primarily in scenes with the younger children (Oli and Ava) or brief moments of sibling connection. The emotional journey is heavily weighted toward negative emotions, with scenes 4, 13, 49, and 59 offering the most significant emotional relief, but these are too infrequent to provide adequate balance.
- The screenplay misses opportunities for emotional variety in transitional scenes. For example, scenes 5, 6, and 10 could incorporate more nuanced emotions like curiosity, determination, or even dark humor to break the pattern of constant dread and anxiety.
Suggestions
- Introduce more moments of dark humor or ironic wit in scenes like 7, 16, and 23 to provide emotional relief while maintaining the dark tone. Danny's character could deliver more sarcastic or morbidly humorous lines that contrast with the horror.
- Develop the relationship between Haley and Sophia further in scenes 6 and 55 to include more moments of genuine friendship and normalcy, providing emotional contrast to the family trauma. These scenes could feature joy intensities of 5-7 rather than the current 2-3 ratings.
- Incorporate more complex emotional moments in transitional scenes - for example, scene 10 could include moments of determination and hope alongside the anxiety and terror, showing Haley's resilience rather than just her fear.
Emotional Intensity Distribution
Critique
- The emotional intensity distribution is uneven, with extremely high-intensity terror and fear scenes (intensity 8-10) clustered in the first act (scenes 1, 9) and throughout the third act (scenes 35-41). This creates emotional whiplash rather than a gradual build, potentially desensitizing the audience to the horror.
- Mid-scenes (15-25) maintain consistently high anxiety and dread (intensity 7-9) without sufficient emotional valleys, risking audience fatigue. The screenplay lacks the traditional emotional rhythm of rising and falling tension, instead maintaining a consistently high-stress environment.
- Key emotional payoffs like Aiden's death (scene 30) and the final escape (scenes 58-60) don't achieve significantly higher emotional peaks than earlier horror scenes, diminishing their impact. The emotional intensity plateaus rather than building toward clear climaxes.
Suggestions
- Reduce the terror intensity in scenes 15 and 21 from 10 to 7-8 to preserve the emotional impact for the more critical scenes 35 and 37. This creates a more gradual escalation toward the climax.
- Create more pronounced emotional valleys after high-intensity scenes. For example, after the intense scene 9, extend the emotional recovery in scene 10 to include more moments of relief and determination rather than maintaining high anxiety.
- Restructure the emotional arc to build more deliberately toward key moments. Scene 30 (Aiden's suicide attempt) should be the emotional peak of the second act, with surrounding scenes at lower intensities to make this moment stand out more powerfully.
Empathy For Characters
Critique
- Empathy for Haley remains consistently high (intensity 8-10 throughout), but the transformation in scenes 38-48 where she embraces violence and cannibalism creates empathy dissonance. The audience's strong connection to her as a victim conflicts with her becoming a perpetrator, potentially alienating viewers.
- Secondary characters like Marcy and Danny receive complex but inconsistent empathy. Scene 16 generates pity for Danny (intensity 8) through his vulnerability, while scene 57 creates understanding for Marcy (intensity 7), but these moments are isolated rather than building sustained emotional connection.
- The younger children Oli and Ava maintain high sympathy (intensity 8-10) but function primarily as emotional triggers rather than fully developed characters. Their emotional experiences are reactive rather than proactive, limiting deeper audience investment.
Suggestions
- In scenes 38-48, include more internal conflict for Haley showing her struggle with her transformation. Add moments where she questions her actions or shows regret, maintaining audience empathy even as she commits horrific acts.
- Develop Marcy's backstory earlier in the narrative (scenes 7, 12, 16) to build more consistent empathy. Show glimpses of her trapped situation and internal conflict before the major revelations in scene 57.
- Give Oli and Ava more agency in their emotional responses. In scenes 4, 13, and 33, show them initiating comforting actions or demonstrating resilience rather than just reacting to trauma, deepening audience connection to their characters.
Emotional Impact Of Key Scenes
Critique
- Key climactic scenes like Danny's death (scene 51) and the family confrontation (scene 41) don't achieve significantly higher emotional impact than earlier horror scenes. The emotional intensity plateaus at 9-10 throughout the third act, diminishing the distinct impact of these pivotal moments.
- Aiden's death and subsequent scenes (30-35) generate profound grief (intensity 9-10) but the emotional impact is somewhat diluted by the rapid succession of other traumatic events. The audience doesn't get sufficient time to process this major loss before new horrors emerge.
- The final escape and resolution (scenes 58-60) provide emotional relief but the joy and hope intensities (7-9) don't sufficiently contrast with the preceding trauma. The emotional payoff feels somewhat muted compared to the extensive suffering that preceded it.
Suggestions
- Restructure scenes 30-35 to create more space for grief processing. Extend scene 34 to include more moments of Haley mourning Aiden before the action resumes, allowing the audience to fully experience this emotional loss.
- Increase the emotional stakes in scene 51 by emphasizing the finality and significance of Danny's death. Include more reaction shots of Haley and Marcy processing this moment, and build more anticipation in the preceding scenes.
- Enhance the emotional payoff in scenes 58-60 by increasing the joy and hope intensities to 9-10. Include more explicit moments of emotional release and celebration of their freedom to provide stronger contrast with the preceding trauma.
Complex Emotional Layers
Critique
- Many high-intensity scenes rely on primary emotions like terror and horror without sufficient sub-emotional complexity. Scenes 1, 9, 15, and 35 feature terror at intensity 10 but lack nuanced sub-emotions that would create richer emotional experiences.
- Character emotions often feel one-dimensional in critical moments. Danny primarily expresses sadistic pleasure or rage, while Haley cycles between determination, fear, and grief without the complex blending of emotions that would make their experiences more psychologically realistic.
- The screenplay underutilizes contradictory emotional states that could create deeper complexity. Scenes where characters experience conflicting emotions simultaneously (like love and hatred, or relief and guilt) are rare, missing opportunities for richer character development.
Suggestions
- In high-tension scenes like 21 and 35, incorporate more sub-emotions alongside the primary terror. For example, in scene 21, include moments of morbid curiosity or grim determination alongside Haley's fear as she explores the crawlspace.
- Develop Danny's emotional complexity in scenes 7, 16, and 45 by showing moments of vulnerability, regret, or even self-loathing beneath his sadistic exterior. This creates a more psychologically complex antagonist.
- In scenes 38-48 where Haley embraces darkness, incorporate more emotional conflict. Show her experiencing satisfaction in her revenge alongside disgust at her own actions, creating the complex emotional layering of someone becoming what they hate.
Additional Critique
Emotional Pacing and Audience Recovery Time
Critiques
- The screenplay provides insufficient emotional recovery time between intense scenes, particularly in the second and third acts. Scenes 29-35 feature consecutive high-intensity emotional events (Aiden's breakdown, suicide attempt, death revelation, and Haley's confinement) without adequate emotional valleys for audience processing.
- The emotional pacing doesn't allow for proper processing of major traumatic events. Aiden's death in scene 30 is immediately followed by new crises in scenes 31-35, preventing the audience from fully experiencing the grief and loss before being thrust into new emotional intensity.
- Key emotional transitions happen too rapidly, such as Haley's transformation from victim to perpetrator in scenes 38-39. The emotional journey feels rushed rather than allowing for gradual psychological development that would feel more authentic.
Suggestions
- Insert brief emotional respite scenes between major traumatic events. For example, add a quiet scene between 30 and 31 showing Haley and the children processing their grief before the next crisis emerges.
- Extend emotional transitions to show more gradual psychological changes. Between scenes 38-39, include additional scenes showing Haley's internal struggle with her transformation rather than the abrupt shift to embracing darkness.
- Create more pronounced emotional valleys after high-intensity sequences. After the intense scenes 35-37, include a longer, quieter scene showing character reflection and emotional processing before building toward the next climax.
Supporting Character Emotional Development
Critiques
- Secondary characters like Marcy and Danny receive inconsistent emotional development. Their moments of vulnerability and complexity (scenes 16, 45, 57) are powerful but isolated, without building a coherent emotional arc throughout the narrative.
- The emotional experiences of Oli and Ava are primarily reactive rather than proactive. They function as emotional triggers for Haley rather than having their own distinct emotional journeys and character development.
- Supporting characters like Sophia, Gabriel, and Sheriff Waylon serve primarily functional roles in the plot without significant emotional depth or development. Their emotional connections to the main characters feel underdeveloped.
Suggestions
- Develop Marcy's emotional arc more consistently throughout the screenplay. Show earlier glimpses of her internal conflict and vulnerability in scenes 7, 12, and 23 to make her eventual revelations in scene 57 feel more earned and emotionally resonant.
- Give Oli and Ava more agency in their emotional experiences. In scenes 4, 13, and 33, show them initiating comforting actions, expressing their own fears and hopes, and demonstrating resilience that deepens audience connection.
- Deepen the emotional connections with supporting characters. In scenes with Sophia (6, 55) and Gabriel (18, 55), include more moments of genuine emotional bonding and shared vulnerability to make these relationships feel more meaningful and emotionally significant.
Emotional Payoff and Resolution
Critiques
- The emotional resolution in the final scenes (58-60) doesn't provide sufficient contrast to the extensive trauma that preceded it. The joy and hope intensities (7-9) feel somewhat muted compared to the consistently high-intensity suffering throughout the screenplay.
- The continued presence of Aiden as a hallucination in the final scenes creates emotional ambiguity rather than clear resolution. While this adds complexity, it may undermine the sense of closure and emotional healing for the audience.
- The emotional transformation from trauma to hope happens too abruptly in the final scenes. The journey from the horrific events of scenes 50-51 to the hopeful escape in scenes 58-60 lacks sufficient emotional processing and transition.
Suggestions
- Strengthen the emotional payoff in the final scenes by increasing the joy and hope intensities to 9-10. Include more explicit moments of emotional release, celebration of freedom, and clear signs of healing and new beginnings.
- Clarify the emotional significance of Aiden's continued presence. In scene 60, include dialogue or visual cues that make it clear whether his presence represents healthy remembrance or problematic denial, providing clearer emotional resolution.
- Extend the emotional transition from trauma to hope. Add scenes between 55 and 58 that show more gradual emotional healing and the characters learning to trust their newfound freedom, making the final escape feel more earned and emotionally satisfying.
Top Takeaway from This Section
| Goals and Philosophical Conflict | |
|---|---|
| internal Goals | Throughout the screenplay, the protagonist's internal goals evolve from a desire to protect her siblings and confront her family's dysfunction to ultimately seeking closure and agency against her traumatizing past. Haley struggles with her own feelings of worthlessness and the burdens of inheritance while aiming to break the cycle of violence and ensure a better future for her siblings. |
| External Goals | The protagonist's external goals transform from protecting her siblings from their father's threats and seeking emancipation, to ultimately confronting the abusive figures in her life, seeking to gather evidence against them, and ensuring the safety and well-being of her siblings. |
| Philosophical Conflict | The overarching philosophical conflict centers around Justice vs. Revenge, as Haley grapples with her desire for justice for her brother Aiden and the pain inflicted upon her family, while simultaneously feeling the allure of revenge against those she holds responsible. |
Character Development Contribution: These goals and conflicts contribute significantly to Haley's development as she transitions from a scared, submissive child to a determined individual ready to face her family's darkness and take control of her destiny, embodying resilience and agency.
Narrative Structure Contribution: The evolution of the protagonist's goals shapes the narrative structure by presenting escalating stakes, tension, and conflict that lead to a climax where Haley must face the consequences of her actions, ultimately tying back into her journey toward empowerment.
Thematic Depth Contribution: The goals and conflicts enrich the screenplay's thematic depth by exploring intense emotional themes such as trauma, familial loyalty, the effects of abuse, and the differentiation between justice and revenge, ultimately blending personal growth with a critique of the cyclical nature of violence in families.
Screenwriting Resources on Goals and Philosophical Conflict
Articles
| Site | Description |
|---|---|
| Creative Screenwriting | How Important Is A Character’s Goal? |
| Studio Binder | What is Conflict in a Story? A Quick Reminder of the Purpose of Conflict |
YouTube Videos
| Title | Description |
|---|---|
| How I Build a Story's Philosophical Conflict | How do you build philosophical conflict into your story? Where do you start? And how do you develop it into your characters and their external actions. Today I’m going to break this all down and make it fully clear in this episode. |
| Endings: The Good, the Bad, and the Insanely Great | By Michael Arndt: I put this lecture together in 2006, when I started work at Pixar on Toy Story 3. It looks at how to write an "insanely great" ending, using Star Wars, The Graduate, and Little Miss Sunshine as examples. 90 minutes |
| Tips for Writing Effective Character Goals | By Jessica Brody (Save the Cat!): Writing character goals is one of the most important jobs of any novelist. But are your character's goals...mushy? |
| Compelled to Read | Story Content | Character Development | Scene Elements | Audience Engagement | Technical Aspects | ||||||||||||||||||
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Click for Full Analysis | Page | Tone | Overall | Scene Impact | Concept | Plot | Originality | Characters | Character Changes | Internal Goal | External Goal | Conflict | Opposition | High stakes | Story forward | Twist | Emotional Impact | Dialogue | Engagement | Pacing | Formatting | Structure | |
| 1 - Night of Sacrifice Improve | 2 | Terror, Suspense, Darkness | 9.2 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 8 | 9 | 9 | 8 | 10 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 9 | |
| 2 - Fractured Realities Improve | 3 | Eerie, Chaotic, Tense | 8.5 | 7 | 8 | 8 | 9 | 9 | 8 | 8 | 7 | 8 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 8 | 9 | 8 | 9 | 8 | 8 | 8 | |
| 3 - A Grim Arrival Improve | 4 | Dark, Eerie, Tense, Grim | 8.5 | 8 | 8 | 9 | 9 | 8 | 8 | 8 | 7.5 | 9 | 8 | 8 | 9 | 9 | 8 | 8 | 9 | 8.5 | 8 | 8 | |
| 4 - Morning in the Dollhouse Improve | 6 | Eerie, Tense, Protective, Reflective | 8.5 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 7 | 8 | 7.5 | 7 | 7 | 8 | 8 | 8 | 9 | 8 | 9 | 8.5 | 8 | 8 | |
| 5 - Stormy Plans and Sudden Departures Improve | 7 | Tense, Dark, Defiant, Foreboding, Resigned | 8.5 | 8 | 8 | 9 | 8 | 8 | 7 | 8 | 7.5 | 8 | 8 | 8 | 9 | 8 | 8 | 9 | 9 | 8.5 | 8 | 8 | |
| 6 - Rainy Reflections Improve | 9 | Dark, Intense, Emotional, Defiant, Tense | 8.7 | 8 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 8 | 7.5 | 9 | 8 | 8 | 9 | 8 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 8.5 | 8 | 8 | |
| 7 - Dark Harvest Improve | 10 | Dark, Tense, Grim, Disgust, Sardonic | 8.5 | 8 | 8 | 8 | 9 | 9 | 8 | 8 | 7.5 | 8 | 8 | 8 | 9 | 9 | 8 | 8 | 9 | 8.5 | 8.5 | 8 | |
| 8 - Dark Secrets in the Hearse Improve | 11 | Dark, Tense, Grim | 8.5 | 8 | 8 | 9 | 9 | 8 | 8 | 8 | 7.5 | 9 | 8 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 8 | 8 | 9 | 8.5 | 8 | 8 | |
| 9 - A Night of Shadows Improve | 13 | Dark, Intense, Disturbing, Emotional | 8.7 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 8 | 7.5 | 9 | 8 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 8.5 | 8 | 8 | |
| 10 - Seizure on the Highway Improve | 14 | Tense, Confrontational, Mysterious | 8.5 | 9 | 8 | 9 | 8 | 8 | 8 | 8 | 7.5 | 9 | 8 | 8 | 9 | 9 | 8 | 9 | 9 | 8.5 | 8 | 8 | |
| 11 - Cherries and Consequences Improve | 16 | Tense, Disturbing, Confrontational, Grim | 8.7 | 8 | 9 | 9 | 8.5 | 9 | 9 | 8 | 7.5 | 9 | 8 | 9 | 9 | 8 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 8.5 | 8 | 8 | |
| 12 - Confronting the Past Improve | 19 | Tense, Confrontational, Emotional | 8.7 | 8 | 9 | 9 | 8.5 | 9 | 9 | 8 | 7.5 | 9 | 8 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 8.5 | 8 | 8 | |
| 13 - Tensions and Promises Improve | 20 | Dark, Sarcastic, Melancholic | 8.5 | 7 | 8 | 8 | 8.5 | 9 | 7 | 8 | 7.5 | 7 | 8 | 7 | 8 | 7 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 8.5 | 8 | 8 | |
| 14 - Innocence Shattered Improve | 21 | Tense, Shocking, Emotional, Dark | 8.7 | 9 | 9 | 8 | 9 | 9 | 8 | 8 | 7 | 9 | 8 | 9 | 9 | 8 | 9 | 8 | 9 | 8 | 8 | 8 | |
| 15 - Nightmare at the Funeral Home Improve | 22 | Dark, Tense, Disturbing, Emotional | 8.7 | 8 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 8 | 7.5 | 9 | 8 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 8 | 9 | 8.5 | 8.5 | 8 | |
| 16 - Toxic Desires Improve | 25 | Dark, Intense, Disturbing, Tense | 8.7 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 8 | 8 | 7 | 9 | 7 | 9 | 9 | 8 | 9 | 8 | 9 | 8 | 8 | 8 | |
| 17 - Escape from Control Improve | 26 | Tense, Disturbing, Emotional | 8.7 | 8 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 8 | 7.5 | 9 | 8 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 8.5 | 8 | 8 | |
| 18 - Desperate Measures Improve | 28 | Tense, Anxious, Desperate, Suspenseful | 8.5 | 8 | 8 | 9 | 8 | 8 | 8 | 9 | 8 | 9 | 8 | 9 | 9 | 8 | 9 | 8 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 9 | |
| 19 - Aiden's Hospital Journey Improve | 30 | Serious, Emotional, Informative | 8.5 | 8 | 8 | 9 | 8 | 9 | 7 | 8 | 7.5 | 6 | 8 | 7 | 8 | 7 | 9 | 8 | 8.5 | 8.5 | 9 | 9 | |
| 20 - A Fragile Hope Improve | 30 | Tense, Emotional, Disturbing, Anxious | 8.5 | 9 | 8 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 8 | 7.5 | 9 | 8 | 9 | 9 | 7 | 9 | 8 | 9 | 8.5 | 8 | 8 | |
| 21 - Confronting Shadows Improve | 31 | Terror, Suspense, Darkness, Menace | 9.2 | 10 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 8 | 10 | 8 | 9 | 9 | 8 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 8 | 8 | |
| 22 - Dark Secrets and Cannibalistic Threats Improve | 33 | Tense, Dark, Disturbing, Suspenseful | 9.2 | 8 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 8 | 7 | 9 | 8 | 10 | 9 | 8 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 8 | 8 | 8 | |
| 23 - Ashes of Ambition Improve | 38 | Tense, Dark, Emotional, Sinister | 8.7 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 8 | 7.5 | 9 | 8 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 8.5 | 8 | 8 | |
| 24 - Shadows at Gray Lake Improve | 40 | Dark, Suspenseful, Intense, Menacing | 9.2 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 8 | 7.5 | 9 | 8 | 10 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 8.5 | 8 | 8 | |
| 25 - A Dangerous Escape Improve | 41 | Suspense, Dark, Intense, Emotional | 8.7 | 7 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 8 | 8 | 7.5 | 9 | 8 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 8 | 9 | 8.5 | 8 | 8 | |
| 26 - Dark Secrets Unveiled Improve | 43 | Tense, Dark, Suspenseful, Emotional | 9.2 | 8 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 8 | 7.5 | 9 | 8 | 9 | 9 | 8 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 8.5 | 8 | 8.5 | |
| 27 - Confrontation in the Counselor's Office Improve | 46 | Tense, Suspenseful, Confrontational | 8.5 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 8 | 9 | 8 | 8 | 7 | 9 | 8 | 8 | 9 | 8 | 8 | 9 | 9 | 8 | 9 | 9 | |
| 28 - Shadows of Threat and Truth Improve | 47 | Tense, Menacing, Emotional | 8.7 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 8.5 | 9 | 9 | 8 | 7.5 | 9 | 8 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 8.5 | 8 | 8 | |
| 29 - Breaking Point Improve | 48 | Tense, Emotional, Confrontational | 8.7 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 8.5 | 9 | 9 | 8 | 7.5 | 9 | 8 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 8 | 9 | 8.5 | 8 | 8 | |
| 30 - Descent into Darkness Improve | 49 | Intense, Dark, Suspenseful, Emotional | 9.2 | 10 | 9 | 9 | 8.5 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 8 | 10 | 8 | 9 | 9 | 8 | 10 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 9 | |
| 31 - The Dark Escape Improve | 51 | Tense, Dark, Emotional | 9.2 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 8 | 7.5 | 10 | 8 | 10 | 9 | 9 | 10 | 9 | 9 | 8.5 | 8 | 8 | |
| 32 - Fractured Promises Improve | 53 | Intense, Emotional, Confrontational | 9.2 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 8 | 10 | 9 | 9 | 8 | 10 | 8 | 9 | 9 | 7 | 10 | 9 | 9 | 8 | 9 | 9 | |
| 33 - Locked Away Grief Improve | 54 | Tense, Emotional, Dark | 9.2 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 8.5 | 9 | 9 | 8 | 7.5 | 10 | 8 | 10 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 8.5 | 8 | 8 | |
| 34 - Desperate Grief Improve | 55 | Intense, Dark, Emotional, Suspenseful | 9.2 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 8 | 10 | 9 | 8 | 7 | 9 | 8 | 10 | 9 | 8 | 10 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 9 | |
| 35 - Descent into Darkness Improve | 57 | Tense, Dark, Emotional, Suspenseful | 9.2 | 10 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 8 | 7.5 | 9 | 8 | 10 | 9 | 9 | 10 | 9 | 9 | 8.5 | 8 | 8 | |
| 36 - Night of Terror Improve | 59 | Tense, Dark, Suspenseful, Menacing | 9.2 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 8 | 9 | 9 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 8 | 10 | 9 | 8 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 9 | |
| 37 - Night of Horror in the Crematorium Improve | 60 | Dark, Intense, Menacing, Emotional | 9.2 | 10 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 8 | 7 | 9 | 7 | 10 | 9 | 8 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 8 | 8 | 8 | |
| 38 - Descent into Darkness Improve | 61 | Disturbing, Intense, Emotional | 8.7 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 8 | 7.5 | 9 | 8 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 8 | 9 | 8 | 8.5 | 8 | |
| 39 - Dark Revelations Improve | 63 | Dark, Intense, Disturbing, Emotional | 9.2 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 10 | 9 | 8 | 7.5 | 9 | 8 | 10 | 9 | 9 | 10 | 9 | 9 | 8.5 | 8.5 | 8 | |
| 40 - The Feast of Dread Improve | 64 | Dark, Intense, Disturbing | 9.2 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 8.5 | 9 | 9 | 8 | 7.5 | 9 | 8 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 8.5 | 8 | 8 | |
| 41 - A Grief-Driven Meal Improve | 65 | Tense, Disturbing, Emotional, Menacing | 8.7 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 8.5 | 9 | 9 | 8 | 7.5 | 9 | 8 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 8 | 9 | 8.5 | 8 | 8 | |
| 42 - Rituals and Confrontations Improve | 66 | Tense, Emotional, Dark | 8.5 | 8 | 8 | 9 | 9 | 8 | 8 | 8 | 7.5 | 9 | 8 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 8.5 | 8 | 8 | |
| 43 - Fractured Bonds Improve | 67 | Intense, Emotional, Confrontational | 8.7 | 8 | 9 | 9 | 8.5 | 9 | 9 | 8 | 7.5 | 9 | 8 | 9 | 9 | 8 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 8.5 | 8 | 8 | |
| 44 - Unlocking Secrets Improve | 69 | Tense, Emotional, Suspenseful, Dark | 8.7 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 8 | 9 | 9 | 8 | 7.5 | 9 | 8 | 9 | 9 | 8 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 8.5 | 8 | 8 | |
| 45 - Secrets and Betrayals in the Crematorium Improve | 69 | Dark, Intense, Emotional, Sinister | 9.2 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 8 | 7.5 | 9 | 8 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 8.5 | 8 | 8 | |
| 46 - Dominance and Despair Improve | 72 | Intense, Dark, Emotional, Tense | 8.7 | 8 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 8 | 7.5 | 9 | 8 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 8 | 9 | 8.5 | 8 | 8 | |
| 47 - Secrets and Shadows Improve | 75 | Tense, Menacing, Emotional, Sinister | 8.7 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 8.5 | 9 | 9 | 8 | 7.5 | 9 | 8 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 8 | 9 | 8.5 | 8 | 8 | |
| 48 - A Sinister Feast Improve | 77 | Dark, Disturbing, Intense, Sinister | 8.7 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 8 | 9 | 8 | 9 | 9 | 8 | 9 | 8 | 9 | 8 | 8 | 8 | |
| 49 - A Surprise in the Shadows Improve | 78 | Dark, Tense, Emotional, Suspenseful | 8.7 | 8 | 9 | 9 | 8 | 9 | 9 | 8 | 7.5 | 9 | 8 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 8 | 9 | 8.5 | 8 | 8 | |
| 50 - A Poisoned Feast Improve | 79 | Tense, Dark, Disturbing, Suspenseful | 9.2 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 8 | 7.5 | 9 | 8 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 8.5 | 8 | 8 | |
| 51 - Inferno of Betrayal Improve | 82 | Dark, Intense, Suspenseful, Emotional | 9.2 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 8 | 7.5 | 10 | 9 | 10 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 8.5 | 8 | 8 | |
| 52 - Desperate Measures Improve | 85 | Tense, Suspenseful, Dramatic, Intense | 9.2 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 8 | 9 | 9 | 8 | 7.5 | 10 | 8 | 10 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 8.5 | 8 | 8 | |
| 53 - Confrontation at the Crematorium Improve | 86 | Tense, Suspenseful, Dark, Anxious | 9.2 | 8 | 9 | 9 | 8 | 9 | 9 | 8 | 7.5 | 9 | 8 | 9 | 9 | 8 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 8.5 | 8 | 8 | |
| 54 - Revelations at Midnight Improve | 88 | Suspenseful, Intense, Emotional, Dark | 9.2 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 8 | 7.5 | 9 | 8 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 8.5 | 8 | 8 | |
| 55 - Determined Departure Improve | 90 | Tense, Emotional, Suspenseful | 8.7 | 8 | 9 | 9 | 8 | 9 | 9 | 8 | 7.5 | 9 | 8 | 9 | 9 | 7 | 9 | 8 | 9 | 8.5 | 8 | 8 | |
| 56 - Confrontation and Secrets Improve | 91 | Tense, Confrontational, Emotional, Suspenseful | 8.7 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 8 | 7.5 | 9 | 8 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 8 | 9 | 8.5 | 8 | 8 | |
| 57 - Buried Secrets Improve | 92 | Intense, Emotional, Confrontational | 8.5 | 9 | 8 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 8 | 7.5 | 9 | 8 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 8.5 | 8 | 8 | |
| 58 - A Fiery Farewell Improve | 93 | Intense, Emotional, Revengeful, Dramatic | 9.2 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 8 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 8 | 9 | 7 | 9 | 9 | 8 | 10 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 9 | |
| 59 - Facing Fears in the Woods Improve | 95 | Emotional, Tense, Reflective | 8.7 | 8 | 9 | 8 | 8 | 9 | 9 | 8 | 7 | 4 | 7 | 3 | 6 | 7 | 9 | 8 | 9 | 8 | 8 | 8 | |
| 60 - Embracing the Unknown Improve | 97 | Tense, Emotional, Reflective, Hopeful | 8.7 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 8 | 9 | 8 | 8 | 7.5 | 4 | 7 | 3 | 9 | 8 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 8.5 | 8 | 8 | |
Summary of Scene Level Analysis
Here are insights from the scene-level analysis, highlighting strengths, weaknesses, and actionable suggestions.
Some points may appear in both strengths and weaknesses due to scene variety.
Tip: Click on criteria in the top row for detailed summaries.
Scene Strengths
- Intense emotional impact
- Strong character dynamics
- Effective tension-building
- Compelling character interactions
- Eerie atmosphere
Scene Weaknesses
- Graphic violence may be disturbing to some audiences
- Some dialogue exchanges may feel forced or melodramatic
- Limited exploration of external conflicts
- Potential for confusion with complex character dynamics
- Lack of resolution for some character arcs
Suggestions
- Consider softening or reducing graphic violence to widen audience appeal while maintaining thematic intensity.
- Enhance dialogue by focusing on authenticity and emotional resonance, avoiding overly dramatic or forced exchanges.
- Develop external conflicts more thoroughly to balance the strong internal dynamics and create a well-rounded narrative.
- Clarify and streamline complex character dynamics to ensure the audience can easily follow the story without confusion.
- Provide clearer resolutions for character arcs to give the audience a sense of closure and satisfaction by the story's end.
Scene 1 - Night of Sacrifice
The #1 Rule of Screenwriting: Make your reader or audience compelled to keep reading.
“Grab ‘em by the throat and never let ‘em go.”
The scene level score is the impact on the reader or audience to continue reading.
The Script score is how compelled they are to keep reading based on the rest of the script so far.
This scene is a brutal and shocking introduction that immediately throws the reader into the dark, unsettling world of the story. The juxtaposition of Haley's sleepwalking trance with the visceral, violent murder creates immediate intrigue and horror. The masked man's calm demeanor and disturbing actions, coupled with the graphic nature of the killing and the unsettling final scream drowned out by thunder, leave the reader desperate to understand who this masked figure is, why he's doing this, and what Haley's connection to it all might be. The scene ends on a high note of suspense and terror, with a clear need to know what happens next.
The script has begun with an explosive and deeply unsettling opening that immediately establishes a dark tone and introduces major questions about the characters and their reality. The mystery of the masked man, the unexplained nature of Haley's trance and her statement about saving others, and the sheer brutality of the murder all serve as powerful hooks. The sheer violence and shock value of this opening scene ensure the reader is invested in unraveling the dark secrets of this world. It sets a high bar for suspense and mystery from the very first moments.
Scene 2 - Fractured Realities
The #1 Rule of Screenwriting: Make your reader or audience compelled to keep reading.
“Grab ‘em by the throat and never let ‘em go.”
The scene level score is the impact on the reader or audience to continue reading.
The Script score is how compelled they are to keep reading based on the rest of the script so far.
This scene immediately throws the reader into Haley's disturbing reality, picking up on the trauma from the previous night. The discovery of the butter knife as a sleepwalking deterrent and the sudden, violent knocking from the closet create immediate intrigue and a sense of ongoing psychological distress. The transition to the funeral home living room further amplifies the tension, with Haley's visceral reaction to the sound and Marcy's volatile anger setting a dark and chaotic tone. The introduction of Aiden and the ensuing conflict, culminating in Haley's self-harm reveal, raises the stakes significantly. The scene ends with Haley’s defiant smirk, suggesting a budding resilience, which compels the reader to see how she navigates this toxic environment.
After the horrific opening, this scene grounds the narrative in the immediate, disturbing reality of Haley's home life. The introduction of her twin brother Aiden and the fractured relationship with their mother Marcy establishes a complex family dynamic. The hinted-at financial struggles, the violent outbursts, and Haley's self-harm all add layers to the unfolding mystery and character development. The scene effectively uses unsettling imagery and character interactions to build suspense and curiosity about the 'knocking' and the overall state of the Volk family, promising more revelations to come.
Scene 3 - A Grim Arrival
The #1 Rule of Screenwriting: Make your reader or audience compelled to keep reading.
“Grab ‘em by the throat and never let ‘em go.”
The scene level score is the impact on the reader or audience to continue reading.
The Script score is how compelled they are to keep reading based on the rest of the script so far.
This scene ratchets up the tension significantly by introducing a grisly new element: the family's profession as undertakers and their casual, almost perverse, interaction with death. The visual of the body rolling out of the coffin and revealing its broken neck is shocking and immediately raises questions about their business and their morality. Aiden's extreme fear and outburst about NYU, contrasted with Danny's brutal dismissal and Marcy's concern for him, creates a complex family dynamic. The scene ends on a darkly unsettling note with Danny wheeling the body into the crematorium, leaving the reader with a morbid curiosity about what happens next.
The script has established a deeply disturbing family dynamic with hints of supernatural elements (Haley's sleepwalking) and extreme psychological distress. Scene 3 introduces a concrete, disturbing profession for the family and a direct, shocking confrontation with death. This grounds the earlier surreal elements in a more tangible horror, escalating the stakes. The introduction of Aiden's ambition to attend NYU juxtaposed with Danny's brutal worldview creates a strong conflict, and the overall sense of dread and mystery around this family is deepening significantly.
Scene 4 - Morning in the Dollhouse
The #1 Rule of Screenwriting: Make your reader or audience compelled to keep reading.
“Grab ‘em by the throat and never let ‘em go.”
The scene level score is the impact on the reader or audience to continue reading.
The Script score is how compelled they are to keep reading based on the rest of the script so far.
This scene effectively raises the stakes by highlighting the deep-seated dysfunction and neglect within the Volk family. The dialogue is sharp and reveals the children's fear and Haley's fierce protectiveness, while also hinting at darker secrets with the mention of Hayden and the father's violence. The contrast between the children's innocence and the grim reality of their lives creates a compelling tension that makes the reader want to know how Haley will protect them and what other horrors lurk within the family.
The script continues to build its dark and disturbing tone, introducing more layers to the Volk family's trauma. Haley's emerging role as a protector, coupled with the hints of past tragedy (Hayden, the father's violence), and the chaotic home environment, all contribute to a growing sense of dread and a desire to understand the full extent of the family's issues. The introduction of the dollhouse as a microcosm of their lives is a strong visual metaphor that enhances the narrative's impact. The unresolved tension from the previous scene, where Haley witnessed a murder, adds an overarching mystery that still needs addressing.
Scene 5 - Stormy Plans and Sudden Departures
The #1 Rule of Screenwriting: Make your reader or audience compelled to keep reading.
“Grab ‘em by the throat and never let ‘em go.”
The scene level score is the impact on the reader or audience to continue reading.
The Script score is how compelled they are to keep reading based on the rest of the script so far.
This scene successfully propels the narrative forward by introducing Haley's bold plan to gain custody of Oli and Ava and escape her abusive family. The introduction of the El Camino as a means of escape, coupled with Aiden's cautionary advice and Haley's determined response, creates immediate stakes and raises questions about the feasibility of her plan. The tense interaction with Marcy and the stark visual of the hearse as a 'corpse wagon' also add to the foreboding atmosphere. The scene ends abruptly with Haley exiting the hearse, leaving the reader wondering what her immediate next action will be and how she plans to achieve her ambitious escape.
The script continues to build momentum with the introduction of a concrete escape plan, making the reader invested in Haley's future and the fate of her younger siblings. The introduction of the El Camino as a symbol of freedom and the growing tension between Haley and her family, particularly Marcy and Danny, create a strong desire to see how these conflicts will unfold. Aiden's role as a hesitant but ultimately supportive figure also adds an interesting dynamic. The overall narrative is progressing towards a potential confrontation or escape, keeping the reader engaged with the overarching mystery of the family's dark secrets and Haley's fight for survival.
Scene 6 - Rainy Reflections
The #1 Rule of Screenwriting: Make your reader or audience compelled to keep reading.
“Grab ‘em by the throat and never let ‘em go.”
The scene level score is the impact on the reader or audience to continue reading.
The Script score is how compelled they are to keep reading based on the rest of the script so far.
This scene significantly raises the stakes and introduces new characters while deepening existing conflicts. Haley's fierce determination to protect her younger siblings and break the family curse creates a strong forward momentum. The introduction of Sophia Ortiz and her connection to Aiden adds a layer of potential normalcy and hope, contrasting sharply with the grim family dynamics. The dialogue is sharp and reveals the characters' motivations and past traumas, particularly Haley's insistence on protecting Oli and Ava and Aiden's struggle with his own issues and family loyalty. The scene ends on a note of warmth and solidarity between Haley, Aiden, and Sophia, which makes the reader curious about how these alliances will play out against the oppressive family environment.
The screenplay continues to build a compelling narrative driven by strong character motivations and escalating stakes. Haley's unwavering resolve to save her siblings and break the family curse, coupled with Aiden's internal struggles and Sophia's positive influence, creates a complex web of relationships and potential alliances. The established themes of abuse, trauma, and the fight for survival are further explored, making the reader invested in the characters' fates. The introduction of new characters like Sophia Ortiz adds a fresh dynamic, hinting at a potential support system outside the immediate family's toxicity. The pacing remains effective, balancing moments of intense conflict with glimpses of hope and human connection.
Scene 7 - Dark Harvest
The #1 Rule of Screenwriting: Make your reader or audience compelled to keep reading.
“Grab ‘em by the throat and never let ‘em go.”
The scene level score is the impact on the reader or audience to continue reading.
The Script score is how compelled they are to keep reading based on the rest of the script so far.
This scene significantly ratchets up the horror and suspense, immediately compelling the reader to find out what happens next. The graphic depiction of Danny burning a live rat and the subsequent scene in the preparation room, with its disturbing tools and the implication of cannibalism, creates a visceral sense of dread. The dialogue between Danny and Marcy, while exposing their depravity, also hints at ongoing family dynamics and secrets, particularly Marcy's warning about Haley and Danny's snide comparison of Haley to Marcy. This combination of extreme violence, disturbing implications, and unresolved character tensions leaves the reader wanting to understand the extent of the Volk family's darkness and Haley's place within it.
The overall script is building significant momentum due to the escalating horror and the introduction of deeply unsettling elements. Scene 7 dives headfirst into the depravity of Danny and Marcy, revealing a disturbing level of violence and potential cannibalism. This, coupled with the earlier scenes establishing the Volkes' dysfunctional and abusive environment, creates a powerful hook. The contrast between the children's innocence and the parents' monstrosity, and Haley's increasingly complex role as a protector and potentially something more, all contribute to a compelling narrative that demands further exploration. The earlier mystery of Hayden's fate and the hints of deeper family secrets are still present, but the immediate horror of the current scene is the primary driver.
Scene 8 - Dark Secrets in the Hearse
The #1 Rule of Screenwriting: Make your reader or audience compelled to keep reading.
“Grab ‘em by the throat and never let ‘em go.”
The scene level score is the impact on the reader or audience to continue reading.
The Script score is how compelled they are to keep reading based on the rest of the script so far.
This scene successfully ratchets up the tension and introduces several compelling hooks. The acrid smell in the hearse immediately creates a sense of dread and hints at the disturbing nature of their parents' activities. Haley's direct confrontation with Marcy about the charred body and Marcy's chilling response, "You could be next," is a significant escalation. Haley's defiant retort, "You'll burn just the same," sets up a clear adversarial dynamic. The scene further heightens suspense with Haley spying on Danny and then being caught by Marcy, leading to a suspicious and evasive exchange. The final moments in the preparation room, with Danny's morbid comment about the charred teen, leave the reader with a chilling image and a strong desire to know more about the extent of their parents' depravity and Haley's potential involvement.
The script continues to build a strong momentum. The previous scenes have established the oppressive and abusive environment the Volk siblings are trapped in, with Haley showing increasing signs of rebellion and a desire to protect her younger siblings. The introduction of the charred body and the casual discussion of it by Marcy and Danny in this scene is a significant escalation of the horror elements, making the reader question the full extent of their parents' crimes. Haley's confrontation with Marcy and her subsequent suspicious behavior add layers of intrigue. Aiden's growing frustration with Marcy's actions and Haley's defiance suggest the siblings are starting to push back, creating anticipation for their eventual escape or rebellion. The overall narrative is propelled by escalating horror, familial dysfunction, and the children's fight for survival and a semblance of normalcy.
Scene 9 - A Night of Shadows
The #1 Rule of Screenwriting: Make your reader or audience compelled to keep reading.
“Grab ‘em by the throat and never let ‘em go.”
The scene level score is the impact on the reader or audience to continue reading.
The Script score is how compelled they are to keep reading based on the rest of the script so far.
This scene is incredibly compelling due to its escalating violence and the introduction of a powerful emotional core. Haley's physical and emotional torment, followed by her plea for escape and Aiden's offer of a way out, create immense suspense. The scene directly confronts the audience with the brutal reality of their home life and introduces a glimmer of hope, making the reader desperate to know if they will succeed. The unresolved nature of Danny's violence, Haley's injuries, and Aiden's offer create a strong push to continue.
The script has built a powerful momentum of dread and desperation. Scene 9 significantly amplifies this by showcasing the extreme abuse Haley endures and simultaneously offering a potential lifeline through Aiden's offer to go to NYU. This creates a strong emotional investment in the characters' survival and future. The unresolved conflicts surrounding their parents' abuse, the immediate danger from Danny, and the hope of escape through education provide a compelling hook for the reader to continue.
Scene 10 - Seizure on the Highway
The #1 Rule of Screenwriting: Make your reader or audience compelled to keep reading.
“Grab ‘em by the throat and never let ‘em go.”
The scene level score is the impact on the reader or audience to continue reading.
The Script score is how compelled they are to keep reading based on the rest of the script so far.
This scene is a high-octane thrill ride, immediately pulling the reader into a life-or-death situation that feels both earned and shocking. Haley's quick thinking and calm under pressure after Aiden's violent seizure create immediate tension and showcase her resilience. The sudden peril of the hearse careening toward a drop-off, followed by the chaotic spin and near-miss with other cars, provides a significant adrenaline rush. The resolution of the immediate crash, with Haley taking control, sets up new questions about Aiden's condition and their next steps, leaving the reader eager to see how they navigate this aftermath.
Scene 10 masterfully injects immediate, high-stakes action into the narrative, directly stemming from the established psychological trauma of Aiden's condition and the family's general instability. The previous scene ended with Haley and Aiden discussing their difficult reality and a desire for escape; this scene violently brings that instability to the forefront, demonstrating the tangible dangers of their environment and their attempts to navigate it. The unresolved tension of their family's abusive nature, coupled with the mystery of the "kill room" and freezer, continues to build, making the reader desperate to see how these characters will survive and if they can escape their circumstances.
Scene 11 - Cherries and Consequences
The #1 Rule of Screenwriting: Make your reader or audience compelled to keep reading.
“Grab ‘em by the throat and never let ‘em go.”
The scene level score is the impact on the reader or audience to continue reading.
The Script score is how compelled they are to keep reading based on the rest of the script so far.
This scene significantly ramps up the stakes and intrigue, immediately compelling the reader to continue. The near-fatal encounter with the 'death cherry' plant directly involves the younger siblings, introducing a tangible and immediate threat tied to the family's dark secrets. Haley's confrontational accusation of Danny planting the cherry, his evasive and PTSD-related explanation, and the mention of Marcy's parole officer all introduce new mysteries and potential plot points. The scene ends with unresolved tension regarding Marcy and Danny's past actions and Haley's escalating distrust and anger.
The overall script continues to build momentum with the introduction of the 'death cherry,' a plant that directly endangers the younger children and connects to a deeper family mystery. Haley's growing assertiveness and confrontational nature, particularly towards Danny and her implied distrust of Marcy, showcase a developing character arc. The mention of Marcy's parole officer and Danny's evasiveness about his past actions, coupled with the lingering trauma from previous scenes, all contribute to a strong sense of unresolved conflict and the need to uncover the full truth of the Volk family's darkness.
Scene 12 - Confronting the Past
The #1 Rule of Screenwriting: Make your reader or audience compelled to keep reading.
“Grab ‘em by the throat and never let ‘em go.”
The scene level score is the impact on the reader or audience to continue reading.
The Script score is how compelled they are to keep reading based on the rest of the script so far.
This scene significantly raises the stakes by introducing a direct confrontation between Marcy and Neil, hinting at secrets about the children's parentage and Neil's potential involvement or knowledge of the family's dark dealings. Neil's discovery of Danny's rap sheet and Marcy's desperate defense and threats create immediate tension and leave the reader wondering about the true nature of their past and Neil's intentions. The scene ends with a clear implication that Neil is now entangled, and Marcy is determined to protect her secrets, leaving open questions about what will happen next.
The script has been building a complex web of abuse, crime, and psychological distress. Scene 12 directly addresses the mysterious past hinted at in earlier scenes, particularly concerning the children's true lineage and the extent of Marcy and Danny's criminal activities. Neil's confrontation with Marcy and his possession of Danny's incriminating documents, combined with Marcy's desperate attempts to keep Neil away from the children, creates a powerful new narrative thread. This scene adds a layer of mystery regarding Neil's connection to the family and his potential role in their downfall or salvation, pushing the reader to understand these new revelations and their impact on the ongoing story.
Scene 13 - Tensions and Promises
The #1 Rule of Screenwriting: Make your reader or audience compelled to keep reading.
“Grab ‘em by the throat and never let ‘em go.”
The scene level score is the impact on the reader or audience to continue reading.
The Script score is how compelled they are to keep reading based on the rest of the script so far.
This scene significantly raises the stakes by showcasing Haley's deep-seated anxieties about her 'fucked up genes' and her fierce protectiveness of Oli and Ava. Her drastic action of taking Sophia's food and presenting it as 'homemade' popcorn, while also promising a Happy Meal she can't likely afford, highlights her desperation to provide normalcy for her siblings. This immediately compels the reader to wonder how she will fulfill this promise, what the 'homemade' popcorn truly signifies in their dire circumstances, and how her own emotional state will further impact her actions.
The script continues to build its dark and complex narrative. The introduction of the death cherry plant in the previous scene and Haley's subsequent confrontation with Danny about it, coupled with the ongoing financial struggles and family trauma, creates a strong foundation of dread. This scene introduces a new layer of Haley's internal struggle and her fierce maternal instincts, while also hinting at deeper genetic or environmental curses ('fucked up genes'). The contrast between the chaotic family life and Haley's attempts to create moments of normalcy for Oli and Ava keeps the reader invested in her journey and the ultimate resolution of these deeply ingrained issues.
Scene 14 - Innocence Shattered
The #1 Rule of Screenwriting: Make your reader or audience compelled to keep reading.
“Grab ‘em by the throat and never let ‘em go.”
The scene level score is the impact on the reader or audience to continue reading.
The Script score is how compelled they are to keep reading based on the rest of the script so far.
This scene is a major turning point, shocking the reader with sudden, brutal violence. The juxtaposition of the children's innocent desire to keep the deer with Danny's cold-blooded murder creates a visceral reaction. Haley's protective actions and the immediate aftermath of trauma for Oli and Ava leave the reader desperate to know how she will cope and protect them. The scene ends with the unsettling image of Danny dragging the deer's body, raising questions about what he does with the carcasses and the overall depravity of the family.
The script continues to escalate its dark themes and disturbing violence. The introduction of the 'death cherry' in Scene 11 and the casual murder in this scene solidify the family's horrific nature. Haley's growing protectiveness of Oli and Ava, contrasted with the parents' cruelty, makes the reader invested in her eventual fight for survival and escape. The unresolved mystery of the family's full depravity and Haley's agency in confronting it keeps the momentum high.
Scene 15 - Nightmare at the Funeral Home
The #1 Rule of Screenwriting: Make your reader or audience compelled to keep reading.
“Grab ‘em by the throat and never let ‘em go.”
The scene level score is the impact on the reader or audience to continue reading.
The Script score is how compelled they are to keep reading based on the rest of the script so far.
This scene masterfully escalates the terror and mystery, leaving the reader desperate to know what happens next. Haley's terrifying journey through the funeral home grounds and into the preparation room, witnessing Danny's gruesome work and then collapsing, creates immediate suspense. The arrival of Sheriff Waylon injects a new element of authority and suspicion, while Marcy's evasiveness and Danny's ability to evade him further deepen the intrigue. The scene culminates with Haley in her bedroom, seemingly safe but immediately threatened again by a shadowy presence and Ava's ominous gesture towards the closet, leaving a potent cliffhanger.
The script has built a strong momentum through its escalating horrors and complex family dynamics. The introduction of the 'death cherry' in the previous scene, combined with the underlying threat of Danny's violence and Marcy's complicity, has primed the reader for more disturbing revelations. Sheriff Waylon's investigation adds a layer of external pressure, suggesting the possibility of exposure for the Volk family. The unresolved threat from the closet in Haley's bedroom, echoing the first scene, creates a powerful hook for the overall narrative.
Scene 16 - Toxic Desires
The #1 Rule of Screenwriting: Make your reader or audience compelled to keep reading.
“Grab ‘em by the throat and never let ‘em go.”
The scene level score is the impact on the reader or audience to continue reading.
The Script score is how compelled they are to keep reading based on the rest of the script so far.
This scene is incredibly compelling due to its shocking and taboo content, immediately plunging the reader into a deeply disturbing and violent act. The revelation of Danny's eunuch status and the subsequent sexual assault is graphic and unsettling, creating a strong desire to understand the characters' motivations and the depths of their depravity. The sheer brutality and the emotional breakdown of Danny leave the reader reeling, desperate to see the aftermath and how such extreme events will impact the ongoing narrative.
This scene significantly escalates the stakes and the darkness of the narrative. The extreme violence and psychological horror establish a new baseline for the story's depravity, making the reader question the limits of what these characters are capable of. The unresolved tensions surrounding Sheriff Waylon's investigation and the characters' twisted relationships continue to drive the narrative forward. The introduction of such intense content makes the reader eager to see how Haley and the children will navigate this increasingly dangerous world and whether any semblance of normalcy can be achieved.
Scene 17 - Escape from Control
The #1 Rule of Screenwriting: Make your reader or audience compelled to keep reading.
“Grab ‘em by the throat and never let ‘em go.”
The scene level score is the impact on the reader or audience to continue reading.
The Script score is how compelled they are to keep reading based on the rest of the script so far.
This scene significantly raises the stakes and propels the narrative forward by revealing Haley's growing suspicion and proactive investigation into her family's dark secrets. Her research into cannibalism and minor guardianship, coupled with the disturbing images and articles, creates a strong sense of dread and urgency. The scene ends with her printing documents and deleting her history, leaving the reader eager to know what she will do with this information and how it connects to her family's disturbing behavior, particularly the deer meat and her declaration of vegetarianism.
The overall script maintains a high level of engagement through its escalating horror and mystery. Scene 17's deep dive into Haley's research into cannibalism and legal guardianship provides a crucial piece of the puzzle, directly addressing the disturbing implications of the previous scenes. The unresolved trauma of the family, Haley's determination to protect her younger siblings, and the underlying hints of a larger conspiracy all contribute to a strong desire to see how these threads will unravel.
Scene 18 - Desperate Measures
The #1 Rule of Screenwriting: Make your reader or audience compelled to keep reading.
“Grab ‘em by the throat and never let ‘em go.”
The scene level score is the impact on the reader or audience to continue reading.
The Script score is how compelled they are to keep reading based on the rest of the script so far.
This scene significantly raises the stakes and compelling nature of the narrative. Haley's desperation to protect her siblings and escape her abusive home is palpable. The introduction of Gabriel Ortiz as a potential ally, coupled with the urgent deadline and the revelation of her father's early release and the funeral home's reopening, creates a strong sense of impending crisis. The scene ends with Haley's plea for help and Gabriel's concerned gaze, leaving the reader eager to see if their plan will succeed and what the "two days" will bring.
The script continues to build on its dark and complex themes. The introduction of Gabriel and the legal avenues Haley is exploring provide a glimmer of hope and a concrete objective beyond mere survival. The past traumas, like Danny's early release and the sudden reopening of the funeral home, are brought to the forefront, hinting at deeper mysteries and escalating the overall tension. The script is masterfully weaving together familial abuse, potential war crimes, and the desperate fight for freedom, ensuring the reader remains invested in Haley's journey and the fate of her family.
Scene 19 - Aiden's Hospital Journey
The #1 Rule of Screenwriting: Make your reader or audience compelled to keep reading.
“Grab ‘em by the throat and never let ‘em go.”
The scene level score is the impact on the reader or audience to continue reading.
The Script score is how compelled they are to keep reading based on the rest of the script so far.
This scene significantly ramps up the tension and intrigue. Aiden's medical situation is revealed to be serious, immediately raising stakes and creating a sense of urgency. Haley's protective presence and Aiden's aspirational dialogue offer a glimmer of hope and character depth. The transition to the CT scanner and the implied mystery of the scan's results leave the reader wanting to know what will be discovered. The scene ends right as the scan begins, creating a strong hook for the next.
The script has been building a complex web of abuse, potential murder, and desperate survival. The introduction of Aiden's potential tumor and the overarching mystery of their family's crimes, coupled with Haley's determined efforts to protect her siblings and uncover the truth, maintains a high level of engagement. This scene adds a critical medical mystery that intertwines with the existing narrative, deepening the stakes and emotional investment. The focus on Aiden's health directly impacts Haley's plans and adds a new layer of vulnerability.
Scene 20 - A Fragile Hope
The #1 Rule of Screenwriting: Make your reader or audience compelled to keep reading.
“Grab ‘em by the throat and never let ‘em go.”
The scene level score is the impact on the reader or audience to continue reading.
The Script score is how compelled they are to keep reading based on the rest of the script so far.
This scene brilliantly uses Aiden's medical scan and subsequent conversation with Dr. David to introduce a significant plot development: Aiden's potential brain tumor and the resulting financial strain. The dialogue expertly navigates Aiden's fear, his desire to help his siblings, and the grim reality of his medical condition, all while maintaining his character's inherent hopefulness. The abrupt shift to Haley waiting and Aiden's false reassurance, followed by his emotional breakdown and hug, creates immediate suspense and emotional depth, strongly compelling the reader to understand what is truly happening and how Haley will react to this devastating news.
The screenplay continues to build momentum with the revelation of Aiden's serious medical condition. This adds a new layer of urgency and personal stakes to the overarching narrative, which has been driven by the family's abusive environment and Haley's desire for escape. The conflict between Haley's determination and Aiden's deteriorating health creates a potent emotional hook. The established plot threads of financial desperation, the desire for a better life (NYU), and the looming threat of Danny and Marcy are now intertwined with Aiden's immediate survival, making the reader deeply invested in how these elements will resolve.
Scene 21 - Confronting Shadows
The #1 Rule of Screenwriting: Make your reader or audience compelled to keep reading.
“Grab ‘em by the throat and never let ‘em go.”
The scene level score is the impact on the reader or audience to continue reading.
The Script score is how compelled they are to keep reading based on the rest of the script so far.
This scene is incredibly compelling due to its intense escalation of horror and psychological terror. Haley's decision to confront her fear of the closet, only to discover Danny's monstrous presence and the chilling realization of his depravity, creates immediate suspense. The discovery of the wall of skulls and Danny's taunting dialogue directly feed into the horror, while the prolonged terror of his pursuit and the visceral image of him using a boy's skull as a puppet leave the reader in a state of high alert. The final moments in Haley's bedroom, with Danny's predatory threat and his terrifying words, solidify the extreme danger she is in and leave the reader desperate to know if and how she will escape.
The screenplay has masterfully built a consistent tone of dread and escalating horror, and this scene serves as a peak of that tension. The introduction of the 'wall of skulls' and Danny's cruel, possessive interaction with Haley directly links to the earlier brutality established in the script, particularly his violent tendencies seen with his own children and the murder in Scene 1. The trauma Haley experienced in the previous scenes, her research into dark topics, and her interactions with Aiden all culminate in this confrontation. The narrative has been consistently pushing towards a breaking point for Haley, and this scene delivers that with extreme intensity, making the reader desperate to see how she survives and what this means for her future actions and the overall plot. The unresolved nature of Haley's safety and Danny's clear psychopathy ensure the reader must continue.
Scene 22 - Dark Secrets and Cannibalistic Threats
The #1 Rule of Screenwriting: Make your reader or audience compelled to keep reading.
“Grab ‘em by the throat and never let ‘em go.”
The scene level score is the impact on the reader or audience to continue reading.
The Script score is how compelled they are to keep reading based on the rest of the script so far.
This scene escalates the immediate danger and mystery significantly. Neil's attempt to help Haley is brutally thwarted by Danny, leading to his shocking death. This raises the stakes exponentially, as Haley witnesses her father's extreme violence firsthand and now possesses Neil's phone, which could contain crucial information. The subsequent act of Danny dismembering Neil and the implication of cannibalism during dinner create a visceral horror that compels the reader to know what happens next. The mystery of what is on Neil's phone and how Haley and Aiden will react to this horrifying event are strong hooks.
The overall script is maintaining a high level of momentum. The introduction of Neil's potential connection to the family's past and his subsequent murder by Danny injects a new layer of mystery and danger. The ongoing themes of abuse, psychological manipulation, and the unraveling of the Volk family's secrets are powerfully reinforced. Aiden's and Haley's shared trauma and their developing plans to escape or uncover the truth are compelling. The hints of supernatural elements with Aiden's presence and Haley's growing darker capabilities add further intrigue. The cliffhanger ending of the family eating Neil's body is a shocking and disturbing development that will leave readers desperate to see the consequences.
Scene 23 - Ashes of Ambition
The #1 Rule of Screenwriting: Make your reader or audience compelled to keep reading.
“Grab ‘em by the throat and never let ‘em go.”
The scene level score is the impact on the reader or audience to continue reading.
The Script score is how compelled they are to keep reading based on the rest of the script so far.
This scene is a powder keg of escalating violence and psychological manipulation. Danny's attempted escape and subsequent brutalization of Neil, followed by Marcy's burning of the NYU letter and the family dinner where the horrifying truth of Neil's fate is revealed, creates an intense, gut-wrenching experience for the reader. The scene ends on a note of chilling domesticity and unspoken horror, immediately propelling the reader to understand the full implications of what has happened and what will come next.
The script maintains a high level of engagement by consistently raising the stakes and introducing new layers of horror and depravity. The murder of Neil and the subsequent revelation of cannibalism are significant developments that directly address previously introduced elements (Neil's disappearance, the family's food source). The conflict between Danny and Marcy, particularly regarding Aiden's future and their shared history of abuse, adds depth to their characters and the overarching family dysfunction. Haley's determination to stop Danny, as shown through her alliance with Aiden, provides a glimmer of hope and a driving force for future plot progression.
Scene 24 - Shadows at Gray Lake
The #1 Rule of Screenwriting: Make your reader or audience compelled to keep reading.
“Grab ‘em by the throat and never let ‘em go.”
The scene level score is the impact on the reader or audience to continue reading.
The Script score is how compelled they are to keep reading based on the rest of the script so far.
This scene masterfully builds tension and intrigue, directly propelling the reader into the next sequence of events. The philosophical dialogue between Haley and Aiden, hinting at their impending doom and a desperate plan, creates a strong emotional hook. The introduction of the UV black light and Haley's immediate catch, followed by her palpable fear of being watched and the subsequent rush to the hearse, leaves the reader desperate to know who is watching and what the 'plan' entails. The abrupt transition to Danny's clandestine activities, examining skulls and projecting disturbing images, further intensifies the suspense and hints at a deeper, more horrifying conspiracy.
The screenplay maintains a very high level of engagement. The overarching mystery of the Volk family's dark secrets, the simmering threat of Danny and Marcy, and the growing desperation of Haley and Aiden to escape are all skillfully interwoven. Aiden's health issues, revealed in previous scenes, add a layer of urgency and personal stakes. The introduction of Neil's investigation and the increasing evidence of the family's criminal activities (cannibalism, potential murder) have significantly amplified the stakes. Scene 24 effectively builds on these threads by showing Haley and Aiden actively pursuing a plan for escape while introducing a new, chilling antagonist in Danny's methodical preparation of evidence of his crimes.
Scene 25 - A Dangerous Escape
The #1 Rule of Screenwriting: Make your reader or audience compelled to keep reading.
“Grab ‘em by the throat and never let ‘em go.”
The scene level score is the impact on the reader or audience to continue reading.
The Script score is how compelled they are to keep reading based on the rest of the script so far.
This scene masterfully balances immediate action with escalating suspense. Aiden's audacious plan to alert the Sheriff's station, coupled with his stealthy navigation through the woods, creates a strong sense of urgency. The inclusion of the raven's nest and the hidden phone provides a tangible mystery and a clear objective for the reader. The lingering threat of Danny, hinted at by his surveillance in the previous scene and the ominous presence in the woods, adds a layer of unease that compels the reader to wonder how these threads will converge.
The script maintains a high level of engagement through its intricate web of escalating threats and escalating plans. Aiden's actions in this scene, directly following Danny's disturbing behavior and the previous day's violence, suggest a turning point. The introduction of Neil's phone and the mysterious note, combined with Haley's earlier actions and the unresolved threat of Danny, continue to build momentum. The underlying tension of the family's violent past and the children's precarious safety keeps the reader invested in seeing how these complex plotlines will resolve.
Scene 26 - Dark Secrets Unveiled
The #1 Rule of Screenwriting: Make your reader or audience compelled to keep reading.
“Grab ‘em by the throat and never let ‘em go.”
The scene level score is the impact on the reader or audience to continue reading.
The Script score is how compelled they are to keep reading based on the rest of the script so far.
This scene is a strong driver for continuation. It immediately escalates the stakes with Danny's violent actions, including the murder of Neil and the clear threat to Oli. The arrival of Sheriff Waylon, and the subtle manipulation by Marcy and Haley to mislead him, creates immediate suspense. The subsequent discovery of the hidden crawlspace and the implication of bloodstains being cleaned up raises a significant mystery. The scene ends on a cliffhanger with Haley's realization of being too late and the unnerving sounds from the duct pipe, directly prompting the reader to find out what she's too late for and what's making the knocking sounds.
The overall script is maintaining a high level of engagement. The introduction of new threats and mysteries in this scene, like Danny's confirmed murder of Neil and the potential cover-up, add to the already established tension. The deepening involvement of Sheriff Waylon, coupled with the continued hints of cannibalism and abuse within the Volk family, keeps the reader invested. The secrets within the funeral home, particularly concerning the crawlspace and the implications of the previous scene's events (the family eating Neil), continue to build momentum. The established threat of Danny and Marcy, along with Haley's determination to uncover the truth, provides a strong narrative through-line.
Scene 27 - Confrontation in the Counselor's Office
The #1 Rule of Screenwriting: Make your reader or audience compelled to keep reading.
“Grab ‘em by the throat and never let ‘em go.”
The scene level score is the impact on the reader or audience to continue reading.
The Script score is how compelled they are to keep reading based on the rest of the script so far.
This scene significantly raises the stakes by having Haley directly confronted by her guidance counselor about her disturbing online research. The threat of her 'moms' being informed and the mention of 'legal guardianship' create immediate tension and a sense of impending doom. Haley's defiant reaction and the subsequent demand for an essay about cannibalism, coupled with the instruction for Aiden to visit Frost, leave the reader wondering how Haley will navigate this new obstacle and what consequences await her and her family. The scene ends with Haley rushing out, clearly under pressure, making the reader eager to see her next move.
The script has been building a relentless momentum of dread and escalating danger. Haley's desperate attempts to protect her siblings and escape her abusive family are constantly met with new, darker threats. The current scene with Frost introduces a more bureaucratic and potentially institutional threat, adding a new layer of complexity to Haley's already dire situation. The unresolved mysteries surrounding Aiden's health, Danny's past, and the ultimate fate of Oli and Ava keep the reader invested. The sheer volume of disturbing content and the resilience of the characters, particularly Haley, create a strong compulsion to see how this narrative resolves.
Scene 28 - Shadows of Threat and Truth
The #1 Rule of Screenwriting: Make your reader or audience compelled to keep reading.
“Grab ‘em by the throat and never let ‘em go.”
The scene level score is the impact on the reader or audience to continue reading.
The Script score is how compelled they are to keep reading based on the rest of the script so far.
This scene ratchets up the tension significantly by directly confronting the grim reality of the Volk family's situation. Haley's veiled threats and knowledge about Neil's children create immediate intrigue. Marcy's confession about Neil and Danny's potential for murder, coupled with the visual of the knife, amplifies the danger. The scene ends with a precarious truce and a sense of unresolved threat, making the reader desperate to see what Haley will do next and if Marcy's warnings are true.
The script has built a considerable amount of momentum through its escalating horrors and the introduction of complex, morally ambiguous characters. Haley's unwavering determination to protect her siblings and expose Danny, Aiden's underlying struggles and eventual fate, and the underlying mystery surrounding Neil's involvement and the family's dark past all contribute to a strong desire to see how these threads resolve. This scene further complicates the narrative by revealing Neil's potential paternity and Marcy's fear, adding layers to the already established chaos. The sheer brutality and psychological manipulation have created a potent hook that demands resolution.
Scene 29 - Breaking Point
The #1 Rule of Screenwriting: Make your reader or audience compelled to keep reading.
“Grab ‘em by the throat and never let ‘em go.”
The scene level score is the impact on the reader or audience to continue reading.
The Script score is how compelled they are to keep reading based on the rest of the script so far.
This scene is incredibly compelling due to its rapid escalation of conflict and emotional intensity. The initial tension in Frost's office quickly explodes into a violent confrontation between Aiden, Marcy, and Danny. The reveal that NYU is no longer an option for Aiden, coupled with his subsequent violent outburst and seizure, creates a desperate and dire situation. The scene ends with Aiden collapsing, leaving the reader desperate to know his fate and what will happen next to this fractured family.
The screenplay continues to build momentum with this scene. The emotional stakes have been raised significantly with Aiden's devastating news and subsequent breakdown. The underlying tensions within the Volk family, particularly between the parents and the children, are continuously being explored and amplified. The increasing violence and desperation suggest a climactic arc is approaching, compelling the reader to see how these characters will cope with their dire circumstances.
Scene 30 - Descent into Darkness
The #1 Rule of Screenwriting: Make your reader or audience compelled to keep reading.
“Grab ‘em by the throat and never let ‘em go.”
The scene level score is the impact on the reader or audience to continue reading.
The Script score is how compelled they are to keep reading based on the rest of the script so far.
This scene is incredibly compelling due to its immediate escalation and horrific reveal. The transition from the tense familial argument downstairs to the violent, bloody discovery in the bathroom creates a powerful jolt. Aiden's suicide attempt, the stark visual of the blood-red water and V-shaped cuts, and his cryptic final words all create immense emotional stakes. The immediate involvement of Danny and Marcy, coupled with Haley's desperate actions and Aiden's plea, leaves the reader desperate to know what happens next, especially regarding Aiden's fate and Haley's response.
The script has built significant tension, moving from familial dysfunction to outright horror and violence. The introduction of Aiden's attempted suicide in this scene, following the previous confrontations and Haley's investigation, raises the stakes exponentially. The overarching mystery of what happened to Hayden, the growing suspicion around Danny and Marcy, and Haley's desperate attempts to protect her younger siblings are all amplified by this tragic event. The scene directly addresses Aiden's despair, linking it to the loss of NYU and his family's toxicity, which makes the reader invested in his survival and the resolution of the Volk family's trauma.
Scene 31 - The Dark Escape
The #1 Rule of Screenwriting: Make your reader or audience compelled to keep reading.
“Grab ‘em by the throat and never let ‘em go.”
The scene level score is the impact on the reader or audience to continue reading.
The Script score is how compelled they are to keep reading based on the rest of the script so far.
This scene is incredibly compelling due to its high stakes and urgent unfolding of events. The immediate aftermath of Aiden's suicide attempt, coupled with Haley's desperate attempts to save him and Danny's cruel indifference, creates intense emotional pressure. The introduction of Sheriff Waylon at the end adds a new layer of conflict and potential resolution, leaving the reader anxious to see how this confrontation will play out and if Aiden will survive. The cryptic note from Aiden adds an element of mystery and foreshadows future plot points.
The script continues to build relentless momentum. The near-death of Aiden and the subsequent confrontation with the sheriff pull the reader further into the dangerous world of the Volk family. The established themes of abuse, manipulation, and survival are amplified. The earlier mysteries, such as the significance of the death cherries and the full extent of Danny and Marcy's involvement, are still simmering, while new questions about the police's involvement and Aiden's cryptic message are introduced, maintaining a strong grip on the reader's attention.
Scene 32 - Fractured Promises
The #1 Rule of Screenwriting: Make your reader or audience compelled to keep reading.
“Grab ‘em by the throat and never let ‘em go.”
The scene level score is the impact on the reader or audience to continue reading.
The Script score is how compelled they are to keep reading based on the rest of the script so far.
This scene is incredibly compelling due to the raw emotional confrontation between Haley and Marcy, fueled by the devastating suicide attempt of Aiden. Haley's accusation that Marcy is a 'coward' and has 'done something harmful' raises the stakes significantly, especially with the implication that Aiden was 'all she had.' Marcy's explanation of her continued entrapment with Danny, and the chilling scar 'NO ESCAPE,' creates immense dread and raises questions about the family's inescapable fate. The scene ends on a note of defiance from Haley, refusing to wait twenty years like Marcy, which directly pushes the reader to want to know what Haley will do next. The unresolved tensions and the implied danger of their situation create a strong desire to continue reading to see if Haley can escape or if she will succumb to the same fate as Marcy.
The script has maintained a very high level of engagement throughout. The escalating horrors of the Volk family, the mystery surrounding Danny's actions, Aiden's desperate plight, and Haley's burgeoning determination have built a potent narrative drive. This scene, with its emotional gut-punch and chilling implications of inescapable trauma, strongly reinforces the desire to see how Haley will break free or if she even can.
Scene 33 - Locked Away Grief
The #1 Rule of Screenwriting: Make your reader or audience compelled to keep reading.
“Grab ‘em by the throat and never let ‘em go.”
The scene level score is the impact on the reader or audience to continue reading.
The Script score is how compelled they are to keep reading based on the rest of the script so far.
This scene is incredibly compelling due to its raw emotional intensity and the escalating tragedy. The children's grief, particularly Ava's self-harm and Oli's despair over Aiden's broken promise, is heartbreaking and immediately draws the reader in. The visual of Ava placing Aiden's figure in the crematorium is a powerful and disturbing symbol of their loss. The sounds of Haley's cries and the hearse arriving create a sense of impending doom and unresolved chaos, making the reader desperate to know what happens next, especially how Haley will react and what the arrival of the hearse signifies.
The script has maintained a high level of suspense and emotional stakes throughout. The death of Aiden, a significant character, and the subsequent extreme reactions from the younger siblings and Haley's escalating actions suggest a story heading towards a major confrontation or climax. The established pattern of extreme violence, psychological distress, and unresolved trauma continues to hook the reader, making them invested in seeing how Haley will navigate this devastation and if any form of justice or resolution is possible.
Scene 34 - Desperate Grief
The #1 Rule of Screenwriting: Make your reader or audience compelled to keep reading.
“Grab ‘em by the throat and never let ‘em go.”
The scene level score is the impact on the reader or audience to continue reading.
The Script score is how compelled they are to keep reading based on the rest of the script so far.
This scene is incredibly compelling due to its high stakes and immediate tension. The confirmation of Aiden's death is a devastating blow, and Haley's reaction is visceral and desperate. Danny's cruel taunts and the physical act of boarding up the window create a sense of suffocating entrapment, while Aiden's posthumous messages provide a glimmer of hope and a new direction. The discovery of the drawing of the girl retrieving a phone from the tree trunk is a critical hook, directly leading Haley to seek an escape route, thus creating a powerful impulse to see if she succeeds.
The script's momentum is exceptionally high at this point. The cascading series of tragic events – Aiden's suicide, his death being confirmed, Haley's subsequent entrapment, and the discovery of clues from Aiden – all amplify the narrative drive. The previous scenes have meticulously built up the horrific reality of the Volk family's life, making Haley's fight for survival and the hope for escape paramount. The introduction of Aiden's posthumous messages provides a new layer of mystery and potential plot advancement, ensuring the reader is deeply invested in Haley's next move.
Scene 35 - Descent into Darkness
The #1 Rule of Screenwriting: Make your reader or audience compelled to keep reading.
“Grab ‘em by the throat and never let ‘em go.”
The scene level score is the impact on the reader or audience to continue reading.
The Script score is how compelled they are to keep reading based on the rest of the script so far.
This scene masterfully ramps up the tension and desperation, immediately plunging the reader into a horrifying chase sequence. Haley's escape from her restraints, the near-fatal encounter with Danny, and her desperate sprint towards the sheriff's station create an urgent need to know if she will make it and if help will arrive in time. The near-discovery by Danny and the subsequent chase in the woods, culminating in her finding Neil's phone, are all powerful hooks that demand immediate continuation.
After the devastating revelation of Aiden's death in the previous scenes and Haley's brutal restraint, this scene re-ignites the narrative momentum with a visceral escape and a critical discovery. The stakes have never been higher, with Haley's life directly on the line and the potential to expose Danny. The introduction of Neil's phone is a significant plot development that promises to unravel further mysteries and bring justice, or at least further chaos, to the Volk family's dark dealings. The overall drive of the script remains incredibly strong, with each harrowing event building on the last.
Scene 36 - Night of Terror
The #1 Rule of Screenwriting: Make your reader or audience compelled to keep reading.
“Grab ‘em by the throat and never let ‘em go.”
The scene level score is the impact on the reader or audience to continue reading.
The Script score is how compelled they are to keep reading based on the rest of the script so far.
This scene is incredibly high-stakes and propelled by relentless action. Haley's desperate flight towards the sheriff's station, followed immediately by Danny's brutal recapture and a chilling threat, creates immense tension. The near-miss with Waylon, highlighting his obliviousness, amplifies the suspense. The scene leaves the reader on a knife's edge, desperate to know if Haley will escape and what Danny's ultimate plan is. The raw violence, Haley's survival instincts, and Danny's menacing pursuit create a powerful momentum. The threat to Haley's life is immediate and palpable, pushing the reader to immediately find out what happens next.
The script has built significant momentum through the escalating violence and Haley's desperate fight for survival. The introduction of Waylon's pursuit of Danny, coupled with Haley's capture, raises the stakes considerably. The mystery surrounding Neil's disappearance and the implied disposal of his body, along with the ongoing threat of Danny's actions, keeps the reader deeply invested. The scene masterfully weaves together multiple plot threads: Haley's immediate peril, Waylon's investigation, and the dark secrets of the Volk family, all converging towards a critical point. The narrative is propelled by a constant sense of dread and the reader's desire to see Haley either succeed in her escape or finally bring Danny to justice. The unresolved threats and mysteries, especially concerning the fate of Aiden and the extent of Danny's crimes, ensure that the reader is compelled to continue.
Scene 37 - Night of Horror in the Crematorium
The #1 Rule of Screenwriting: Make your reader or audience compelled to keep reading.
“Grab ‘em by the throat and never let ‘em go.”
The scene level score is the impact on the reader or audience to continue reading.
The Script score is how compelled they are to keep reading based on the rest of the script so far.
This scene is incredibly intense and disturbing, pushing the reader's desire to continue to its absolute limit. The graphic depiction of Aiden's dismemberment, Danny's sadistic actions, and Haley's horrific scream create a powerful and visceral reaction. The immediate danger to Haley, trapped and facing a fate worse than death, combined with Marcy's desperate intervention and ultimate defiance, leaves the reader desperate to know if Haley will survive and what will happen next.
The screenplay has reached a peak of horrifying intensity. The unfolding horror of the Volk family's actions, particularly Danny's descent into pure sadism and cannibalism, coupled with Haley's growing determination and trauma, creates an almost unbearable tension. The unresolved fates of Haley and Marcy, the ongoing threat of Danny, and the lingering mystery of the 'why' behind these extreme acts keep the reader utterly compelled. The sheer escalation of violence and depravity ensures that the reader must see how this will resolve, or if it even can.
Scene 38 - Descent into Darkness
The #1 Rule of Screenwriting: Make your reader or audience compelled to keep reading.
“Grab ‘em by the throat and never let ‘em go.”
The scene level score is the impact on the reader or audience to continue reading.
The Script score is how compelled they are to keep reading based on the rest of the script so far.
This scene is incredibly compelling due to its raw emotional intensity and shocking violence. Haley's desperation to escape her horrific circumstances, coupled with her suicidal ideation, immediately grabs the reader. The appearance of Aiden's ghost, offering cryptic advice and pushing Haley towards a dark path, creates a profound sense of despair and suspense. The ambiguity of Aiden's presence and his conflicting desires—to help Haley yet also be cremated—adds a layer of psychological horror that makes the reader question what is real and what is happening next.
The screenplay has been building towards a climax of extreme violence and psychological breakdown. Scene 38 masterfully delivers on this by pushing Haley to her absolute limit and beyond, while simultaneously revealing the pervasive darkness of the family's past and present. The ongoing mystery of Neil's phone and Aiden's fate, combined with Danny and Marcy's continued depravity, creates a powerful momentum. The introduction of the supernatural element with Aiden's ghost adds a new, unsettling dimension that significantly raises the stakes and compels the reader to see how this story resolves.
Scene 39 - Dark Revelations
The #1 Rule of Screenwriting: Make your reader or audience compelled to keep reading.
“Grab ‘em by the throat and never let ‘em go.”
The scene level score is the impact on the reader or audience to continue reading.
The Script score is how compelled they are to keep reading based on the rest of the script so far.
This scene is incredibly compelling due to its abrupt and shocking tonal shift and the introduction of Haley's disturbing transformation. The preceding scene ends with Haley's near self-immolation and Aiden's spectral presence, suggesting extreme despair. This scene immediately catapults the reader into a horrific new reality where Haley has seemingly embraced cannibalism. The visual of her packing bloody meat, the chillingly organized Ziploc bags, and her gleeful description of the process creates immense shock and morbid curiosity. Her challenge to Danny and Marcy – "Lock me up then... Fuck!" – is a powerful declaration of her newfound, terrifying persona, leaving the reader desperate to understand the full extent of her actions and her motivations, and to see how Danny and Marcy will react to this monstrous revelation.
The script has been building towards a climactic confrontation, and this scene delivers a major turning point. The overarching narrative has explored themes of abuse, trauma, and survival, pushing characters to extreme measures. Haley's descent into this dark path, directly confronting her abusers with her own brand of horror, is a powerful culmination of her trauma. The unresolved questions about Aiden's fate (though hinted at through the meat), the parents' reactions, and the implications of Haley's actions for the younger siblings and any potential escape are incredibly strong hooks. The sheer audacity and depravity presented here reset the stakes and make the reader desperate to see the fallout and resolution.
Scene 40 - The Feast of Dread
The #1 Rule of Screenwriting: Make your reader or audience compelled to keep reading.
“Grab ‘em by the throat and never let ‘em go.”
The scene level score is the impact on the reader or audience to continue reading.
The Script score is how compelled they are to keep reading based on the rest of the script so far.
This scene is incredibly compelling due to its escalating violence and deeply disturbing subject matter. The forced participation in a family 'feast' with implied cannibalism, coupled with Haley's defiance and Danny's cruel enjoyment, creates a high level of shock and morbid curiosity. The scene ends on a cliffhanger as Haley shatters the glass and Danny grips her arm, leaving the reader desperate to know what happens next. The revelation of the family's twisted rituals and the implication that this is a timed event for their deaths injects a ticking clock element that amplifies the suspense.
The script has maintained an incredibly high level of engagement through its relentless escalation of horror and psychological manipulation. The introduction of cannibalism, the deep-seated family trauma, and the ongoing threat to the children have built a complex tapestry of dread. The previous scenes have established Haley's complex, possibly disturbed, but ultimately protective nature, Aiden's tragic arc, and the sheer depravity of Danny and Marcy. This scene pushes the boundaries further, making the reader question how much worse it can get and what Haley's ultimate plan is, or if she is truly lost to the darkness. The stakes are incredibly high, with the very concept of family and survival twisted into a horrific nightmare.
Scene 41 - A Grief-Driven Meal
The #1 Rule of Screenwriting: Make your reader or audience compelled to keep reading.
“Grab ‘em by the throat and never let ‘em go.”
The scene level score is the impact on the reader or audience to continue reading.
The Script score is how compelled they are to keep reading based on the rest of the script so far.
This scene is incredibly compelling due to the escalating tension and horror. Haley's internal struggle and forced participation in a grotesque family meal, coupled with Danny's sadistic threats and manipulation of Oli and Ava, create a powerful sense of dread. The immediate threat to the children, the implied cannibalism, and Haley's weeping defiance all leave the reader desperate to know what happens next, especially how she will escape or retaliate.
The script has maintained an extremely high level of engagement. The relentless escalation of violence, psychological manipulation, and the mystery surrounding the cannibalism and the family's dark secrets have kept the reader invested. Haley's transformation into a potential avenger, Aiden's prior cryptic messages and sacrifice, and the overarching goal of escaping the Volk family's clutches all serve as strong hooks. The introduction of new layers of manipulation, like the children's paternity and Danny's backstory, adds depth, while the constant danger ensures the stakes remain high. The audience is invested in Haley's survival and her quest for justice, making the preceding scenes crucial for understanding her current desperate actions.
Scene 42 - Rituals and Confrontations
The #1 Rule of Screenwriting: Make your reader or audience compelled to keep reading.
“Grab ‘em by the throat and never let ‘em go.”
The scene level score is the impact on the reader or audience to continue reading.
The Script score is how compelled they are to keep reading based on the rest of the script so far.
This scene effectively raises the stakes by directly confronting Haley with the consequences of her family's actions and her own desire for escape. The funeral ritual for the raven, while somber, is immediately contrasted by Danny's provocative offer to burn down the funeral home, hinting at a potential act of defiance or retribution. The arrival of Frost and the subsequent confrontation with Marcy create a complex power dynamic, showcasing Marcy's manipulative nature and Haley's growing defiance. Frost's threat to involve social services, combined with Marcy's warning about Danny and the burning of the NYU letter, all point towards Haley's imminent, decisive action. The scene ends with Haley entering Frost's car, leaving the reader to wonder about her immediate plans and the fallout from her choices.
The screenplay continues to build momentum with a strong sense of impending action and escalating conflict. The thematic exploration of escape, manipulation, and the fight against oppressive circumstances is consistently woven through each scene. Haley's character arc is progressing towards a significant turning point, driven by her desire to protect her siblings and escape her family's destructive influence. The unresolved questions surrounding Aiden's fate and the true nature of the 'family curse' continue to propel the narrative forward, with the recent discovery of Hayden's skull and the mounting evidence against Danny and Marcy creating a sense of urgency.
Scene 43 - Fractured Bonds
The #1 Rule of Screenwriting: Make your reader or audience compelled to keep reading.
“Grab ‘em by the throat and never let ‘em go.”
The scene level score is the impact on the reader or audience to continue reading.
The Script score is how compelled they are to keep reading based on the rest of the script so far.
This scene immediately follows a tense interaction between Haley and Frost, where Frost reveals Aiden's posthumous involvement with her NYU application. Haley's emotional state is volatile, oscillating between despair and a flicker of hope tied to a hidden charging cable and Aiden's hidden intentions. The subsequent encounter with Marcy, where Haley accuses her of Aiden's murder and Marcy eats a 'death cherry,' dramatically escalates the stakes and introduces a new, disturbing element of self-harm or ritualistic behavior. The dialogue is charged with suspicion, grief, and a burgeoning, dark resolve from Haley. The cliffhanger of Marcy eating the cherry, coupled with Haley's accusation and the implied danger to herself, creates a strong impetus to understand the implications of this act and Haley's next move.
The screenplay continues to build its intricate web of trauma, survival, and dark revenge. The revelation that Aiden was instrumental in Haley's potential escape through the NYU application adds a layer of tragic irony and reinforces his presence as a guiding force, even in death. Haley's escalating confrontation with Marcy and the introduction of the 'death cherry' as a potential weapon or ritualistic element further cement the dark, psychological horror of the narrative. The unresolved plot lines of Haley's plan for justice, the fate of Oli and Ava, and the true nature of the 'death cherries' are potent hooks. The constant threat posed by Danny and Marcy, though currently sidelined, looms large, creating a palpable sense of dread. The narrative skillfully weaves together personal trauma, systemic failures, and a chilling descent into extreme measures, keeping the reader invested in how Haley will navigate this increasingly dangerous world.
Scene 44 - Unlocking Secrets
The #1 Rule of Screenwriting: Make your reader or audience compelled to keep reading.
“Grab ‘em by the throat and never let ‘em go.”
The scene level score is the impact on the reader or audience to continue reading.
The Script score is how compelled they are to keep reading based on the rest of the script so far.
This scene is a pivotal turning point, packed with revelations and strategic actions. Haley's meticulous unlocking of Aiden's phone, the discovery of crucial evidence against Danny, and her subsequent text to Gabriel create immense forward momentum. The ticking clock of the phone's battery and the arrival of Marcy add immediate tension. The scene masterfully balances exposition with suspense, leaving the reader eager to see how these discoveries will be used and what Marcy's arrival signifies.
The script has built significant narrative tension around the Volk family's dark secrets, Danny's sadistic nature, and Haley's quest for freedom and justice. The introduction of Neil's evidence, Aiden's attempts to help Haley (even posthumously), and the potential legal intervention through Gabriel and Waylon have created multiple compelling threads. This scene directly advances Haley's investigation and strategic planning, directly impacting the central conflict and promising significant payoffs in subsequent scenes. The introduction of the 'war criminal' angle elevates the stakes considerably.
Scene 45 - Secrets and Betrayals in the Crematorium
The #1 Rule of Screenwriting: Make your reader or audience compelled to keep reading.
“Grab ‘em by the throat and never let ‘em go.”
The scene level score is the impact on the reader or audience to continue reading.
The Script score is how compelled they are to keep reading based on the rest of the script so far.
This scene is a powerful turning point, escalating the stakes significantly and leaving the reader desperate to know the immediate aftermath of the explosive argument and the fate of the characters involved. Danny's violent confession and the reveal of the skull, combined with the revelation about Haley's parentage and the subsequent physical altercation between Danny and Marcy, create immense tension. The visual of Danny throwing a photo of Oli and Ava into the oven is a shocking and deeply unsettling cliffhanger that compels the reader to immediately jump to the next scene to see how this horrific situation is resolved.
The script has been building a relentless, dark, and increasingly shocking narrative, and this scene delivers a massive escalation. The central mystery surrounding the Volk family's dark secrets, cannibalism, and abuse has been meticulously unveiled, with each scene ratcheting up the intensity. The introduction of characters like Neil and the developing plotlines around Aiden's illness and Haley's quest for justice have woven a complex tapestry. This scene, with its violent confessions, personal revelations, and shocking acts, serves as a massive payoff for the build-up, making the reader intensely curious about how Haley will navigate this new, terrifying reality and what the ultimate consequences will be for all involved.
Scene 46 - Dominance and Despair
The #1 Rule of Screenwriting: Make your reader or audience compelled to keep reading.
“Grab ‘em by the throat and never let ‘em go.”
The scene level score is the impact on the reader or audience to continue reading.
The Script score is how compelled they are to keep reading based on the rest of the script so far.
This scene masterfully escalates the horror and trauma, creating a strong urge to know the immediate aftermath. Haley's act of burning the dollhouse, a symbol of their family life, in front of Oli, Ava, and a broken Marcy is a shocking and defining moment. Her cold dismissal of Aiden's death and her subsequent actions with the death cherries and the recorded confession from Aiden leave the reader desperate to understand her motivations and the consequences of her actions. The scene ends on a deeply unsettling note, with Haley's chilling grin and the revelation of her plan, directly compelling the reader to jump to the next scene to see how this spiral of violence and manipulation unfolds.
The script has built a relentless momentum of escalating horror and desperation, and Scene 46 pushes this to a new peak. Haley's descent into a dark, vengeful persona is profoundly disturbing, and her actions directly tie into several unresolved plot threads. The burning of the dollhouse is a symbolic act of defiance and a clear turning point. The mention of Plan B, the research on death cherries, and the impending double homicide, all point towards a massive confrontation. The unresolved tension surrounding Aiden's death, Danny's suspicious pronouncements, and Marcy's broken state all contribute to a powerful drive to see how these characters will face their imminent doom or enact their twisted plans.
Scene 47 - Secrets and Shadows
The #1 Rule of Screenwriting: Make your reader or audience compelled to keep reading.
“Grab ‘em by the throat and never let ‘em go.”
The scene level score is the impact on the reader or audience to continue reading.
The Script score is how compelled they are to keep reading based on the rest of the script so far.
This scene is highly compelling due to the escalating stakes and the introduction of a critical, yet twisted, plan. Haley's internal conflict between her desire to run and her newfound resolve to fight, coupled with Marcy's desperate plea and revelation about Danny's past, creates immense tension. The sudden collapse of Haley and the children's immediate concern add further dramatic weight. The audience is left with a burning desire to know how Haley will react, what her 'birthday gift' entails, and if she will succeed in protecting her siblings.
The script continues to build incredible momentum. Haley's transformation from victim to active, albeit disturbed, protagonist is deeply engaging. The reveal of Danny's warped 'family' plans and Marcy's desperate attempt to save her children, juxtaposed with Haley's defiant stance and subsequent collapse, raises the stakes exponentially. The underlying mysteries of the past, Danny's motivations, and the fate of the younger children are all intensely present, driving the reader to uncover the truth and witness Haley's next move.
Scene 48 - A Sinister Feast
The #1 Rule of Screenwriting: Make your reader or audience compelled to keep reading.
“Grab ‘em by the throat and never let ‘em go.”
The scene level score is the impact on the reader or audience to continue reading.
The Script score is how compelled they are to keep reading based on the rest of the script so far.
This scene is incredibly compelling due to the dark, disturbing nature of Haley's actions and dialogue. The preparation of the meal, implying it contains human remains (Aiden's), is shocking and creates immense dread. The juxtaposition of her 'evil smile' and 'blood-red lips' with the meticulous plating and the innocent hunger of Oli and Ava creates a visceral and disturbing image. Aiden's spectral presence adds an layer of tragedy and desperation, highlighting the corruption of Haley's character and the loss of his own. The sudden revelation that the food is *not* for the children, after Oli's excited anticipation, creates a sharp and immediate cliffhanger, leaving the reader desperate to know who the food *is* for and what Haley's ultimate plan is.
The script continues to maintain a very high level of engagement. Haley's descent into extreme violence and her apparent embrace of the family's dark legacy is a powerful driving force. The introduction of the spectral Aiden adds a layer of supernatural or psychological horror that is unique and raises questions about her mental state and the reality of her experiences. The unresolved mystery of Neil's fate, the ongoing danger from Danny and Marcy (even if they are currently incapacitated), and the sheer shock value of Haley's current actions all contribute to an overwhelming desire to see how this spiral of violence and revenge concludes. The stakes have never been higher, and the audience is deeply invested in Haley's fate and the safety of Oli and Ava.
Scene 49 - A Surprise in the Shadows
The #1 Rule of Screenwriting: Make your reader or audience compelled to keep reading.
“Grab ‘em by the throat and never let ‘em go.”
The scene level score is the impact on the reader or audience to continue reading.
The Script score is how compelled they are to keep reading based on the rest of the script so far.
This scene provides a powerful emotional release and a moment of joy for Oli and Ava, creating a strong contrast to the darkness of the previous scenes. The surprise party in the shed offers a brief respite, but it's immediately undercut by the return of the hearse, creating immediate tension and a need to know what happens next. Haley's hurried departure and instructions to Oli and Ava, especially the note on the phone, leave the reader with several burning questions: what is Haley's plan, why is she so worried about returning, and what will happen if she doesn't? Aiden's presence adds a layer of intrigue, though its nature remains ambiguous.
The script has been building towards a confrontation and resolution for the Volk family's trauma. Haley's journey has been one of increasing darkness and determination. The previous scene hinted at her preparing a meal that was not for the children, and this scene further solidifies her shift towards a more desperate plan. The return of Aiden, even if in a spectral form, adds a new dimension to Haley's actions and motivations. The constant threat from Danny and Marcy, coupled with the underlying mysteries of the past (Hayden's disappearance, Neil's fate, the true nature of the family's 'cannibalism'), create a compelling momentum. The imminent danger implied by the returning hearse and Haley's urgent departure ensures the reader wants to see how she enacts her plan and if she can save her siblings.
Scene 50 - A Poisoned Feast
The #1 Rule of Screenwriting: Make your reader or audience compelled to keep reading.
“Grab ‘em by the throat and never let ‘em go.”
The scene level score is the impact on the reader or audience to continue reading.
The Script score is how compelled they are to keep reading based on the rest of the script so far.
This scene masterfully ratchets up the tension by juxtaposing a seemingly normal family dinner with the horrifying reality of Haley's revenge. The deliberate pacing, from the initial 'normalcy' of the meal to the creeping realization of the poisoning, creates a visceral sense of dread. Haley's triumphant, yet chilling, confession and the children's interrupted meal leave the reader desperate to know the immediate aftermath and what Haley's ultimate plan is.
Following the deeply disturbing events of the previous scenes, this installment provides a shocking and darkly satisfying turn. Haley's calculated revenge is both horrifying and compelling. The unresolved fates of Danny and Marcy, coupled with the children's sudden intervention and Haley's immediate escape plan from the previous scene, build immense anticipation for how this elaborate scheme will unfold and if Haley will achieve her ultimate goal of freedom and safety for her siblings.
Scene 51 - Inferno of Betrayal
The #1 Rule of Screenwriting: Make your reader or audience compelled to keep reading.
“Grab ‘em by the throat and never let ‘em go.”
The scene level score is the impact on the reader or audience to continue reading.
The Script score is how compelled they are to keep reading based on the rest of the script so far.
This scene is incredibly high-stakes, delivering a brutal and cathartic, yet horrifying, climax to the core conflict between Haley and Danny. The poisoning and ensuing struggle are visceral and shocking, immediately compelling the reader to see the immediate aftermath of Danny's death and Marcy's potential fate. The introduction of the police sirens at the end creates a ticking clock and an urgent need to discover how Haley will evade capture and what will happen to Marcy. The raw violence and surprising turns – Marcy shooting Danny, Haley's apparent intent to kill Marcy, and the sudden police arrival – all serve to propel the reader forward, desperate to understand the immediate consequences and Haley's next move.
The screenplay has been building towards a massive confrontation, and Scene 51 delivers on that promise with extreme violence and a shocking resolution to the immediate threat posed by Danny. The established character arcs of Haley's descent into darkness, Danny's monstrous nature, and Marcy's complicity and eventual breaking point are all dramatically paid off. The introduction of the police at the end opens up new avenues of conflict and potential resolution, ensuring the reader is still invested in how Haley will navigate the legal fallout and protect her remaining siblings, building on the unresolved plotlines of their future and their escape. The earlier scenes that hinted at supernatural elements or Haley's growing ruthlessness are now amplified, making the reader question the boundaries of her actions and motivations.
Scene 52 - Desperate Measures
The #1 Rule of Screenwriting: Make your reader or audience compelled to keep reading.
“Grab ‘em by the throat and never let ‘em go.”
The scene level score is the impact on the reader or audience to continue reading.
The Script score is how compelled they are to keep reading based on the rest of the script so far.
This scene is packed with immediate action and resolution, followed by new suspense. The violent confrontation between Haley, Danny, and Marcy culminates in Danny's death, a major turning point. The quick appearance of Sheriff Waylon and the introduction of the ticking phone timer create immediate urgency and a need to know what Haley did and what will happen next. The scene ends with Haley fleeing and Waylon calling for an ambulance, leaving the reader wanting to know if she'll be caught and what the phone contained.
The script has been building towards this explosive confrontation for a long time. Danny's death and Marcy's confession, coupled with Haley's desperate actions to hide evidence and escape, bring many plot threads to a head. The introduction of Aiden's voice-over and the ticking phone timer suggest a crucial piece of information is about to be revealed or used, and the ongoing threat of the 'death cherry' and the potential consequences for Haley keep the overall tension extremely high. The unresolved questions about the phone's content and Haley's escape are compelling hooks for the remaining scenes.
Scene 53 - Confrontation at the Crematorium
The #1 Rule of Screenwriting: Make your reader or audience compelled to keep reading.
“Grab ‘em by the throat and never let ‘em go.”
The scene level score is the impact on the reader or audience to continue reading.
The Script score is how compelled they are to keep reading based on the rest of the script so far.
This scene masterfully ratchets up the tension by blending the immediate aftermath of a violent event with the looming threat of police investigation and Haley's complex emotional state. The arrival of the paramedics, Waylon's arrival with a warrant, and the subsequent questioning of Marcy and Haley create a sense of urgency and potential exposure. Haley's quick thinking to get the children away and her deliberate evasion of Waylon's questions, coupled with the cryptic hints from Aiden's voice-over about a timer, inject significant suspense. The scene ends on a cliffhanger with Waylon questioning Haley about evidence and her leading him to the crematorium, promising to reveal proof.
The script has been building towards a major confrontation and resolution, and this scene serves as a crucial turning point. The previous scenes have established Haley's deep trauma, her drive for revenge, and the complex web of abuse and murder involving her family and Neil. The police investigation, spearheaded by Waylon, now directly intersects with these ongoing plotlines. The revelations about Marcy's deception, Danny's death, and the potential discovery of evidence (like the nicked ear) strongly compel the reader to find out how this investigation unfolds and what consequences it will bring.
Scene 54 - Revelations at Midnight
The #1 Rule of Screenwriting: Make your reader or audience compelled to keep reading.
“Grab ‘em by the throat and never let ‘em go.”
The scene level score is the impact on the reader or audience to continue reading.
The Script score is how compelled they are to keep reading based on the rest of the script so far.
This scene masterfully ratchets up the tension by introducing a massive external threat – the police – while simultaneously weaving in deeply personal revelations and resolutions. The discovery of Hayden's skull is a devastating emotional gut punch that recontextualizes years of suffering. Haley's successful manipulation of Waylon, her escape, and the promise of freedom on her birthday create an immediate desire to see how she leverages this newfound liberty and what her next move will be. The scene ends on a hopeful but still precarious note, leaving the reader eager to see if she can truly escape the darkness of her past.
The script has built an incredible momentum towards a cathartic release, and scene 54 delivers a significant portion of that. The resolution of the immediate threat by the police, combined with the discovery of Hayden's remains and Haley's birthday freedom, offers a sense of earned victory. However, the underlying trauma and the unresolved nature of Marcy's fate (though implied she is recovering) and Haley's future plans with the children still provide ample reason to keep reading. The story has expertly balanced the horrific elements with the fight for survival and a glimmer of hope, making the reader invested in the final act.
Scene 55 - Determined Departure
The #1 Rule of Screenwriting: Make your reader or audience compelled to keep reading.
“Grab ‘em by the throat and never let ‘em go.”
The scene level score is the impact on the reader or audience to continue reading.
The Script score is how compelled they are to keep reading based on the rest of the script so far.
This scene effectively sets up a climactic confrontation and Haley's determined resolve. The denial of the restraining order and the realization that Marcy will retain custody create a powerful emotional hook, compelling the reader to see how Haley will enact her 'go down swinging' plan. The urgency of Haley needing a permit and a lift to the hospital, coupled with her promise to return, creates immediate suspense about her next move and its potential consequences.
The script has built significant momentum towards a resolution, with Haley's personal journey intertwined with the violent and disturbing fate of her family. The recent deaths of Danny and potentially Aiden, coupled with Marcy's poisoning, have escalated the stakes dramatically. This scene, by solidifying Haley's isolation and determination to protect her siblings, while still hinting at Aiden's influence and the potential for further conflict, keeps the reader deeply invested in how this complex web of trauma and revenge will finally unravel.
Scene 56 - Confrontation and Secrets
The #1 Rule of Screenwriting: Make your reader or audience compelled to keep reading.
“Grab ‘em by the throat and never let ‘em go.”
The scene level score is the impact on the reader or audience to continue reading.
The Script score is how compelled they are to keep reading based on the rest of the script so far.
This scene is incredibly compelling, immediately pulling the reader into a direct confrontation between Haley and Marcy, revealing crucial information about past and present crimes. The tension is amplified by Haley's clear threat to expose Marcy and Danny, backed by tangible evidence of buried remains. The flashback further solidifies the stakes, showing Haley's commitment to protecting her siblings and her willingness to take extreme measures. The unresolved nature of Haley's plans and the implications of her testimony create a strong desire to see how this unfolds.
The script has built significant momentum towards a climax. The revelations in this scene, particularly regarding Neil's murder and the existence of Aiden's remains, are massive plot advancements. Haley's transformation into a vengeful, capable figure is solidified, and her stated intention to testify and protect her siblings provides a clear path forward. The overarching narrative is pushing towards a reckoning, and this scene delivers a powerful push in that direction.
Scene 57 - Buried Secrets
The #1 Rule of Screenwriting: Make your reader or audience compelled to keep reading.
“Grab ‘em by the throat and never let ‘em go.”
The scene level score is the impact on the reader or audience to continue reading.
The Script score is how compelled they are to keep reading based on the rest of the script so far.
This scene is packed with revelations and emotional confrontations, immediately compelling the reader to understand the aftermath of the previous events and the fates of the characters. Haley's confrontation with Marcy, the discovery of Hayden's remains, and Waylon's interrogation create significant suspense and open questions about Marcy's role and Haley's ultimate actions. The scene ends with a sense of closure for some plot threads while setting up future implications, particularly concerning Haley's newfound freedom and the unresolved trauma of the family.
The script has masterfully built tension and delivered shocking plot twists. The resolution of Hayden's fate, the confrontation between Haley and Marcy, and Waylon's role as an investigator all contribute to a strong sense of forward momentum. The script has consistently introduced new mysteries and escalated existing conflicts, keeping the reader invested. The reveal of Marcy's actions and her potential guilt for Danny's death, alongside Haley's stated freedom, sets up a compelling final act.
Scene 58 - A Fiery Farewell
The #1 Rule of Screenwriting: Make your reader or audience compelled to keep reading.
“Grab ‘em by the throat and never let ‘em go.”
The scene level score is the impact on the reader or audience to continue reading.
The Script score is how compelled they are to keep reading based on the rest of the script so far.
This scene is a powerful and cathartic climax, offering a sense of resolution and the beginning of a new chapter. The act of burning down the funeral home and hearse is a potent visual metaphor for Haley finally breaking free from her traumatic past. The scene ends with Haley, Oli, and Ava finding peace in the woods, setting a hopeful tone for their future. The presence of fire marshals at the end adds a touch of lingering realism and societal commentary, but the focus remains on the emotional journey of the protagonists.
The script has built immense tension and trauma for Haley and her siblings. This scene delivers a significant emotional payoff by enacting a symbolic destruction of their past. The thematic arc of escaping a cursed existence is powerfully realized. However, the resolution feels slightly rushed in its final moments with the fire marshals, which could be explored further. The ultimate survival and newfound freedom of Haley, Oli, and Ava offer a compelling forward momentum for the story's aftermath, leaving the reader eager to see their reintegration into society and how they will cope with their shared trauma.
Scene 59 - Facing Fears in the Woods
The #1 Rule of Screenwriting: Make your reader or audience compelled to keep reading.
“Grab ‘em by the throat and never let ‘em go.”
The scene level score is the impact on the reader or audience to continue reading.
The Script score is how compelled they are to keep reading based on the rest of the script so far.
This scene offers a poignant and hopeful conclusion to the immediate trauma, focusing on Haley's healing and her newfound responsibilities. The appearance of Aiden as a spectral figure and the discovery of the wolf puppy add elements of mystery and wonder, prompting the reader to anticipate what comes next for this makeshift family. The emphasis on confronting fears and finding peace, combined with the unresolved nature of their future, creates a strong desire to see how Haley and the children navigate their new lives.
The script has masterfully navigated a dark and violent narrative, culminating in a moment of profound release and the promise of a new beginning. The introduction of the wolf puppy and Aiden's lingering presence suggests that the story is moving towards a more metaphorical or spiritual resolution, leaving the reader eager to see if this new path leads to genuine peace or new challenges. The core conflict of survival and escape has been largely addressed, but the emotional aftermath and the forming of this new family unit create a powerful hook for what lies beyond the immediate narrative.
Scene 60 - Embracing the Unknown
The #1 Rule of Screenwriting: Make your reader or audience compelled to keep reading.
“Grab ‘em by the throat and never let ‘em go.”
The scene level score is the impact on the reader or audience to continue reading.
The Script score is how compelled they are to keep reading based on the rest of the script so far.
This scene provides a sense of closure and a hopeful, albeit bittersweet, beginning. The journey towards New York and the fulfillment of Aiden's dream creates a strong forward momentum. The interaction with the hallucination of Aiden, the playful banter, and the ultimate embrace of the unknown promise an intriguing future for Haley and her siblings. The finality of the burning funeral home and the open road ahead leave the reader eager to see what their new life will entail.
The script has masterfully woven a complex and dark narrative that culminates in a cathartic and hopeful finale. The resolution of the central conflicts, the cathartic destruction of the past, and the clear establishment of a new path for Haley and her siblings create an overwhelmingly compelling drive to see how their future unfolds. The thematic threads of overcoming trauma, finding family, and embracing the unknown have been expertly handled, leaving the reader with a profound sense of accomplishment and anticipation for what comes next.
- Physical environment: The physical environment of the screenplay is predominantly bleak, eerie, and grim, characterized by desolate funeral homes, creepy mansions, remote properties near dark woods, and rusty crematoriums. Urban settings are decrepit with broken sidewalks and peeling paint, while rural areas feature vintage cars, old workshops, and dense forests. Even domestic spaces like bedrooms are often depicted as somber, colorless, or chaotic. Natural elements like forests and lakes often carry an ominous or mysterious aura. The environment is consistently described as dark, grim, and foreboding, with elements of decay, decay, and neglect. Even seemingly comforting spaces like a shed are contrasted with the surrounding darkness. The presence of natural elements like woods, lakes, and even a baby deer is often juxtaposed with macabre or violent occurrences, highlighting a disturbing interplay between life and death.
- Culture: The cultural landscape is heavily influenced by death rituals, sacrifice, and a profound, often twisted, engagement with mortality. Dysfunctional family dynamics are central, with characters dealing with grief, loss, and strained relationships. A disturbing undercurrent of depravity, violence, and cannibalism is woven into the fabric of the culture, suggesting a society where traditional morality has eroded. There's a blend of primitive and macabre practices with hints of modern elements like fundraising for those in need and familial aspirations for higher education. The culture also grapples with themes of survival, past mistakes, and the struggle against societal expectations and personal demons, often within the context of severe financial hardship and trauma.
- Society: The societal structure depicted is secretive, sinister, and often operates outside the norms of conventional society. There's a clear presence of criminal activity, hidden motives, and a sense of fear and uncertainty. Law enforcement is present but often overwhelmed or dealing with complex local dynamics. The societal hierarchy is characterized by power dynamics, control, and a history of violence and familial dysfunction. Themes of legal consequences, personal choices, and systemic neglect (as seen with medical care and parental unfitness) are prevalent. Within this world, individuals like Marcy and Danny operate in clandestine operations, while others like those working in funeral homes and crematoriums deal with the deceased in a professional yet often grim manner. There's a sense of individuals on the fringes, struggling against societal expectations and personal demons.
- Technology: The technological aspect of the world is generally minimal, with a focus on primitive and macabre elements like steel razors and ropes. However, there are notable exceptions, including the use of cars for transportation (hearses, vintage cars, SUVs), basic communication devices like phones, and more advanced medical equipment in hospital settings. Laptops and even DNA test requests hint at a modern investigative capacity within law enforcement. The presence of a hearse and crematorium signifies a macabre technological engagement with death. While not always central, technology plays a role in facilitating communication, investigation, and survival within this dark world.
- Characters influence: The bleak, eerie, and dangerous physical environment deeply shapes the characters' experiences, forcing them into constant states of fear, tension, and a struggle for survival. The pervasive presence of death, decay, and violence normalizes macabre activities for some (Danny, Marcy) and instills deep trauma and a desperate need for escape in others (Haley, Aiden, Oli, Ava). The secretive and sinister societal structure, coupled with dysfunctional family dynamics and a lack of reliable authority, compels characters to develop resilience, resourcefulness, and often, morally ambiguous coping mechanisms. The minimal technology amplifies their vulnerability, while its strategic use (phones, investigation tools) becomes crucial for survival and unraveling mysteries. Cultural elements like death rituals and cannibalism directly influence their actions, forcing them to confront or participate in horrific acts. The characters' desires for freedom, independence, and a semblance of normalcy are constantly challenged by the oppressive world they inhabit, driving their actions from rebellion and self-harm to elaborate schemes of escape and revenge.
- Narrative contribution: These world elements contribute significantly to the narrative by establishing a relentlessly tense and foreboding atmosphere from the outset. The grim settings and macabre cultural practices immediately signal a story steeped in horror and dark themes, setting up the central conflicts around survival, escape, and uncovering buried truths. The societal structures of secrecy and criminal activity drive the plot through investigations, confrontations, and the constant threat of exposure. The minimal yet strategically used technology often serves as a plot device, either for communication, investigation, or as a source of danger. The interplay between the physical environment, culture, and society creates a foundation for the characters' desperate actions and the unfolding mystery surrounding their family's dark past, fueling the narrative's suspense and escalating stakes.
- Thematic depth contribution: The world-building contributes to the thematic depth by exploring profound themes of trauma, resilience, the cyclical nature of violence, and the corrosive effects of abuse and neglect. The pervasive darkness and decay mirror the characters' internal struggles and the moral decay within the family. The emphasis on death and sacrifice highlights the fragility of life and the desperate measures individuals will take to survive or seek retribution. The dysfunctional family dynamics and the societal structures that enable them underscore themes of inherited trauma and the struggle for agency against oppressive forces. The juxtaposition of primitive elements with hints of modern technology underscores the timeless nature of human struggle and the enduring capacity for both cruelty and hope in the face of despair. The world serves as a potent metaphor for the psychological landscapes of its characters, making their personal battles resonate on a deeper, more universal level.
| Voice Analysis | |
|---|---|
| Summary: | The writer's voice is a potent and unflinching blend of grit, dark humor, and raw emotional intensity. It's characterized by vivid, often macabre imagery, sharp and confrontational dialogue that exposes deep-seated family dysfunction, and a palpable sense of dread and unease that permeates every scene. The writer masterfully navigates complex psychological landscapes, delving into themes of mortality, abuse, survival, and the twisted nature of familial bonds with a boldness that is both disturbing and compelling. This voice is consistently present across dialogue, narrative description, and direction, creating a cohesive and immersive experience. |
| Voice Contribution | The writer's voice contributes significantly to the overall mood, themes, and depth of the screenplay by establishing a consistently dark, suspenseful, and unsettling atmosphere. It amplifies the themes of trauma, survival, and the breakdown of familial relationships, imbuing the narrative with a sense of urgency and grim realism. The raw dialogue and vivid descriptions force the audience to confront uncomfortable truths, while the dark humor provides brief, jarring moments of release that underscore the bleakness of the characters' reality. This distinctive voice elevates the screenplay from a simple narrative to a visceral exploration of the human psyche under extreme duress. |
| Best Representation Scene | 35 - Descent into Darkness |
| Best Scene Explanation | Scene 35 is the best representation of the writer's unique voice due to its unvarnished portrayal of extreme violence and desperation. The visceral description of Danny's actions, Haley's frantic escape, and the relentless pursuit by Danny exemplify the writer's commitment to raw, often disturbing, realism. The scene's oppressive atmosphere, the immediate danger, and the high stakes for the characters are all hallmarks of the writer's distinctive style, effectively showcasing the screenplay's dark themes and intense emotional core. |
Style and Similarities
The screenplay exhibits a strong inclination towards dark, suspenseful, and psychologically driven narratives. It frequently explores complex characters grappling with moral ambiguity, internal conflicts, and often disturbing themes. Dialogue is a significant element, characterized by its intensity, sharpness, and ability to reveal character and drive the plot forward, often with a blend of dark humor and raw emotion. The atmosphere is frequently tense and unsettling, with a penchant for exploring the darker aspects of human nature and relationships.
Style Similarities:
| Writer | Explanation |
|---|---|
| Gillian Flynn | Flynn's influence is pervasive, evident in the consistent exploration of dark themes, complex characters, moral ambiguity, psychological depth, and suspenseful narratives. Multiple scenes highlight her thematic focus on deception, hidden truths, and the intricacies of troubled family dynamics and relationships. |
| Quentin Tarantino | Tarantino's signature style appears frequently, particularly in scenes featuring gritty and intense dialogue, unconventional storytelling, dark humor, morally complex characters, and confrontational interactions. His influence is noted in scenes that blend violence, wit, and suspense. |
| David Fincher | Fincher's aesthetic is reflected in the screenplay's dark, atmospheric, and suspenseful tone. Scenes often delve into the darker aspects of human nature, psychological depth, and intricate plot twists, creating a sense of foreboding and unease. |
Other Similarities: The screenplay demonstrates a remarkable versatility in adopting stylistic elements from a range of acclaimed writers, particularly those known for their work in thrillers, dark dramas, and psychological narratives. While there's a clear leaning towards darker themes and intense character interactions, there are also moments that suggest an exploration of more nuanced relationships and potentially even surreal elements. The emphasis on sharp dialogue and compelling character arcs is a unifying thread throughout.
Top Correlations and patterns found in the scenes:
| Pattern | Explanation |
|---|---|
| High Emotional Impact Driven by Specific Tones and High Stakes | Scenes with an 'Emotional Impact' score of 10 (the highest) consistently feature tones like 'Dark', 'Intense', 'Suspenseful', and 'Tense'. This indicates that the author excels at eliciting strong emotions when the narrative is infused with these particular atmospheric and thematic elements. The data also shows that 'High Stakes' is frequently a 9 or 10 in these same high-impact emotional scenes, suggesting a direct causal link between peril/importance and the audience's emotional response. |
| Consistent High Quality Across Key Narrative Elements | Across nearly all 60 scenes, 'Overall Grade', 'Concept', 'Plot', 'Characters', 'Dialogue', 'Emotional Impact', 'Conflict', 'High Stakes', and 'Move Story Forward' consistently score 8s and 9s, with many reaching 10s. This suggests a very strong and stable quality in the core building blocks of the screenplay. The author demonstrates a high level of proficiency in maintaining narrative drive, character depth, engaging dialogue, and compelling conflict throughout the entire work. |
| Character Changes and Emotional Resonance | While 'Character Changes' scores are generally high (mostly 8s and 9s), there's a noticeable dip in 'Emotional Impact' (down to 3-4) and 'Overall Grade' (down to 9) in scenes 59 and 60, which are tagged with 'Reflective' and 'Hopeful' tones. This suggests that moments of reflection or explicit hope, while potentially important for character development, might not carry the same inherent dramatic weight or emotional punch as the more intense, conflict-driven scenes. This could be an area for the author to consider how to amplify the emotional stakes or narrative drive in these more introspective moments. |
| Dialogue Excels in Tense and Confrontational Scenarios | Dialogue scores are consistently high (8s and 9s) throughout the screenplay. However, when examining scenes tagged with 'Confrontational' (Scenes 10, 11, 12, 27, 29, 32, 43, 56, 57), the dialogue score remains high, indicating that the author's dialogue is particularly effective in high-pressure, direct interactions. This suggests a natural strength in crafting sharp, impactful conversations. |
| Darkness and Intensity as Catalysts for Plot Progression and Stakes | Scenes with 'Dark' and 'Intense' tones frequently correlate with higher scores in 'Move Story Forward', 'High Stakes', and 'Emotional Impact'. This pattern suggests that the author effectively uses these darker, more visceral elements to propel the narrative and heighten the audience's engagement with the consequences of the plot. |
| Sustained Tension and Suspense Lead to Strong Narrative Momentum | The consistent presence of 'Tense' and 'Suspenseful' tones throughout the majority of the scenes, coupled with high scores in 'Move Story Forward', 'Plot', and 'Overall Grade', indicates a masterful ability to maintain audience engagement and narrative momentum through sustained periods of unease and anticipation. This is a significant strength in keeping the reader/viewer invested. |
| The Power of 'Disturbing' and 'Grim' Tones in Driving High Impact | Scenes tagged with 'Disturbing' (e.g., 9, 11, 15, 16, 17, 20, 22, 38, 39, 40, 41, 48, 50) and 'Grim' (e.g., 3, 7, 8, 11) consistently achieve high scores across 'Overall Grade', 'Emotional Impact', 'Conflict', and 'High Stakes'. This demonstrates the author's adeptness at leveraging unsettling or bleak atmospheres to create powerful, memorable scenes that significantly contribute to the overall narrative tension and impact. |
| The 'Sardonic' and 'Sarcastic' Tones as a Unique Flavor within High-Scoring Scenes | While not as frequent as 'Dark' or 'Tense', the presence of 'Sardonic' (Scene 7) and 'Sarcastic' (Scene 13) tones still occurs within scenes that receive high scores for 'Overall Grade' and 'Emotional Impact'. This suggests that the author can effectively integrate wit or a cynical edge into intense moments without undermining the dramatic impact, adding a layer of character voice or perspective that is well-received. |
Writer's Craft Overall Analysis
The writer demonstrates a strong and consistent ability to build tension, create atmospheric scenes, and develop compelling character dynamics. There's a recurring strength in conveying emotional depth and exploring complex themes, often through sharp dialogue and vivid descriptions. The writer excels at drawing the audience into dark, suspenseful, and emotionally charged narratives. Several scenes consistently receive positive feedback for their immersive qualities and ability to evoke strong emotional responses. The author shows a talent for blending contrasting elements like dark humor with drama, and realism with psychological depth. The primary areas for growth seem to center around further refining character development beyond their immediate conflicts, deepening subtext in dialogue, and potentially exploring more varied narrative structures or pacing techniques.
Key Improvement Areas
Suggestions
| Type | Suggestion | Rationale |
|---|---|---|
| Book | Read 'Save the Cat! Writes a Novel' by Jessica Brody | This book consistently appears in the scene analyses, and for good reason. It provides excellent frameworks for character development, plot structure, and overall narrative engagement, which will directly address the need to further deepen character arcs and ensure structural integrity across a full screenplay. |
| Book | Read 'The Anatomy of Story' by John Truby | This book is highly recommended for its in-depth exploration of character archetypes, thematic development, and narrative structure, which will help the writer move beyond creating compelling moments to weaving them into a cohesive and thematically resonant whole, further enhancing character depth and narrative complexity. |
| Screenplay | Study screenplays known for their intricate character dynamics and suspenseful storytelling, such as 'Gone Girl' by Gillian Flynn, or 'No Country for Old Men' by Joel and Ethan Coen. | These screenplays are excellent examples of how to build tension, develop morally ambiguous characters, and weave complex psychological suspense. Analyzing their pacing, dialogue, and character motivations will provide practical examples for the writer's own craft, especially in areas of suspense and morally grey characters. |
| Screenplay | Study screenplays with strong emotional arcs and character-driven narratives like 'Manchester by the Sea' by Kenneth Lonergan or 'Blue Valentine' by Derek Cianfrance. | These films excel at conveying raw emotion, nuanced family dynamics, and vulnerability. Analyzing their screenplays will offer valuable lessons in portraying deep emotional struggles and building authentic character relationships, directly addressing the need for enhanced character nuance. |
| Video | Watch analysis videos on pacing and tension-building techniques in screenwriting and horror/thriller films. | Visual analysis of how pacing and tension are constructed can be incredibly beneficial. Understanding how filmmakers manipulate these elements to keep audiences engaged and on edge will provide practical, visual examples that can inform the writer's scene construction and overall narrative flow. |
| Exercise | Practice writing dialogue-only scenes, focusing on revealing character motivations, conflicts, and subtext without any action or description.Practice In SceneProv | This exercise directly addresses the improvement area of dialogue subtext and nuance. By stripping away other elements, the writer is forced to rely solely on what characters say (and don't say) to convey their inner lives and the underlying dynamics of the scene. This will sharpen their ability to create more layered and impactful conversations. |
| Exercise | Take one of your existing scenes and rewrite it from the perspective of a different character, focusing on their internal thoughts, feelings, and motivations related to the events of the scene.Practice In SceneProv | This exercise will deepen character development and perspective. By stepping into another character's shoes, the writer can uncover new layers of motivation, conflict, and emotional truth that might not have been apparent from the primary character's viewpoint, leading to more nuanced character portrayals. |
| Exercise | Write a scene that deliberately escalates tension through subtle shifts in power dynamics and unspoken resentments, rather than overt action or argument.Practice In SceneProv | This exercise focuses on building suspense and conflict through more nuanced means. It encourages the writer to think about the undercurrents in interactions and how small gestures, pauses, or loaded dialogue can create significant dramatic tension, thus enhancing their ability to create gripping scenes. |
Here are different Tropes found in the screenplay
| Trope | Trope Details | Trope Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| The Chosen One | Haley believes she must save her siblings from their abusive family and escape their traumatic environment. | This trope involves a character who is destined to save others or fulfill a significant role. An example is Neo in 'The Matrix,' who is prophesied to end the war against machines. |
| Family Dysfunction | The Volk family is characterized by abuse, neglect, and a toxic environment, leading to deep emotional scars. | This trope highlights the complexities and struggles within a family unit. A well-known example is 'The Royal Tenenbaums,' where family members deal with their dysfunctional relationships. |
| Sleepwalking | Haley sleepwalks, leading her to dangerous situations and revealing her subconscious fears. | Sleepwalking is often used in narratives to explore a character's inner turmoil or hidden desires. An example is 'The Sixth Sense,' where sleepwalking is tied to deeper psychological issues. |
| The Final Girl | Haley embodies the 'final girl' trope as she confronts her abuser and fights for her survival. | This trope refers to the last female character remaining alive to confront the antagonist, often seen in horror films like 'Halloween.' |
| Creepy Family Business | The Volk family operates a funeral home, which serves as a backdrop for their dark secrets and twisted dynamics. | This trope involves a family business that is unsettling or morally ambiguous, like in 'The Addams Family' or 'The Texas Chainsaw Massacre.' |
| The Abusive Parent | Danny, as the father figure, embodies the abusive parent trope, creating a toxic environment for his children. | This trope highlights the impact of parental abuse on children, often seen in films like 'Precious' or 'The Pursuit of Happyness.' |
| The Haunted Past | Haley's family history is filled with trauma, including the disappearance of her brother, which haunts her throughout the story. | This trope involves characters grappling with their past, often leading to their present struggles. An example is 'The Haunting of Hill House,' where family trauma manifests in supernatural ways. |
| The Mentor | Gabriel serves as a mentor figure for Haley, guiding her through her struggles and offering support. | The mentor trope involves a wise character who provides guidance to the protagonist, like Mr. Miyagi in 'The Karate Kid.' |
| The Sibling Bond | Haley's relationship with Aiden is central to the story, showcasing their deep connection and mutual support. | This trope emphasizes the bond between siblings, often seen in films like 'The Lion King' or 'Frozen.' |
| The Dark Secret | The Volk family harbors dark secrets, including murder and cannibalism, which drive the plot's tension. | This trope involves characters hiding significant secrets that impact the story, like in 'Gone Girl' or 'The Others.' |
Memorable lines in the script:
| Scene Number | Line |
|---|---|
| 57 | Haley: I stopped sleepwalking after Aiden -- because I was busy dreaming... About you and Danny in the ovens. Burn him for what he did to us. |
| 10 | HALEY: Dinner was burnt like that dead girl. Don't brush it off this time. |
| 6 | HALEY: Giving birth isn't parenting. I'll break the Volk family curse. I did not find my voice to lose it again. |
| 7 | DANNY: It's pronounced psycho. |
| 42 | Danny: I'll handle you just like your mom... Sleep tight, baby. |
Logline Analysis
Top Performing Loglines
Creative Executive's Take
Logline_7 stands out as the top choice for its sharp, emotionally resonant hook that perfectly encapsulates the film's core conflict and character arc, making it highly commercially appealing in the horror-thriller genre. By focusing on Haley's determination to confront her family's legacy of violence and cannibalism—directly supported by scenes like her discovery of the crawlspace horrors and her eventual violent actions—it highlights her transformation from victim to avenger, a narrative that draws in audiences craving deep character development and moral complexity. This logline's phrasing, 'uses her trauma as a weapon,' is a creative masterstroke, evoking the psychological depth seen in Haley's sleepwalking episodes and her strategic use of family secrets, while its brevity and intensity promise marketability similar to hits like 'The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo,' appealing to viewers who enjoy stories of resilience and redemption in dark settings.
Strengths
This logline cleverly incorporates the coming-of-age genre with horror elements, effectively highlighting the moral dilemma at the core of the story.
Weaknesses
It could emphasize the protagonist's name or specific family dynamics to make it more personal and aligned with the script.
Suggested Rewrites
Detailed Scores
| Criterion | Score | Reason | Evidence |
|---|---|---|---|
| Hook | 10 | The coming-of-age horror angle with a moral choice is highly engaging and unique, drawing in readers with its thematic depth. | "Haley's journey, including her use of trauma in scene 38 and the ritualistic elements in scene 7, provides a strong hook that matches the logline's intrigue." |
| Stakes | 10 | The stakes are personal and high, involving family safety and the risk of becoming evil, which adds emotional depth. | "The script depicts severe outcomes, such as the death of siblings in scene 30 and Haley's own transformation in scene 39, emphasizing the consequences of her choices." |
| Brevity | 9 | At 20 words, it is concise and impactful, balancing detail with brevity effectively. | "The logline mirrors the script's efficient storytelling, such as the quick escalation in scene 35, without unnecessary elaboration." |
| Clarity | 10 | The logline is highly clear, with a strong genre hook and explicit conflict, making the narrative arc easy to grasp. | "The script's progression, from Haley's sleepwalking discovery in scene 1 to her emancipation plans in scene 58, directly supports the 'cusp of emancipation' element." |
| Conflict | 9 | It effectively conveys external (parents) and internal conflict, though the 'replicating evil' aspect could be more nuanced. | "Conflicts with Danny and Marcy, seen in scene 45's argument and scene 51's struggle, are well-represented, but the logline could reference specific script elements like the woods or crematorium." |
| Protagonist goal | 10 | It clearly presents a choice-based goal, forcing the protagonist to decide between exposure, protection, or replication, which is motivating and central. | "Haley's decisions in scenes like 17 (researching cannibalism) and 51 (poisoning her parents) illustrate this choice, showing her internal conflict and survival instincts." |
| Factual alignment | 10 | It accurately captures the ritual cannibalism and family protection themes, with no significant errors. | "Details like the parents' cannibalistic practices in scene 7 and Haley's protective actions in scene 14 are faithfully represented in the logline." |
Creative Executive's Take
As a strong second pick, logline_12 excels in weaving a web of intrigue and high stakes that mirrors the script's labyrinthine plot, ensuring factual accuracy while boosting commercial appeal through its emphasis on discovery and betrayal. It accurately reflects Haley's journey, from uncovering her parents' involvement in murders (evident in scenes like the crematorium revelations and the confrontation with Neil) to navigating lies and embracing darkness, as seen in her poisoning and burial actions. This logline's marketability lies in its thriller elements, akin to 'Gone Girl,' with the 'web of lies' hook drawing in audiences who love suspenseful twists, and its focus on securing a future for her siblings adds emotional weight, making it a gripping pitch that could attract wide distribution in the mystery-horror space.
Strengths
This logline effectively captures the protagonist's agency and the central conflict, making it engaging and true to the script's themes of trauma and escape.
Weaknesses
It could benefit from naming the protagonist or specifying the siblings to heighten emotional stakes and personal connection.
Suggested Rewrites
Detailed Scores
| Criterion | Score | Reason | Evidence |
|---|---|---|---|
| Hook | 10 | The concept of using trauma as a weapon is intriguing and emotionally charged, drawing readers in with its dark, empowering twist. | "Haley's transformation in scene 39, where she embraces the family's cannibalistic practices, mirrors the logline's hook of turning personal suffering into a tool for survival and revenge." |
| Stakes | 10 | The logline implies high personal and familial risks, including the continuation of abuse or death, which are vividly portrayed. | "The script highlights severe consequences, such as Haley's near-death experiences in scene 37 and the loss of her brother Aiden in scene 30, underscoring the life-or-death stakes of escaping the family's horrors." |
| Brevity | 9 | At 18 words, it is concise and efficient, conveying essential elements without unnecessary detail. | "The logline avoids overloading with specifics, similar to how the script's concise scenes, like scene 35's chase, build tension quickly." |
| Clarity | 9 | The logline is straightforward and easy to understand, clearly outlining the protagonist's challenge and goal without ambiguity. | "The script summary shows Haley's direct confrontations with her family's violence, such as in scene 51 where she poisons Danny and Marcy, aligning with the logline's depiction of confronting and dismantling abuse." |
| Conflict | 8 | It addresses the internal and external conflict with the family's legacy, but could specify more about the opposition to make it more dynamic. | "Conflicts in the script, like Haley's physical struggles with Danny in scene 51 and the web of lies involving Marcy, are present, but the logline generalizes the 'cycle of abuse' without naming key antagonists." |
| Protagonist goal | 9 | It clearly states the goal of dismantling the cycle and escaping, emphasizing the use of trauma as a tool, which is compelling and focused. | "Haley's actions in the script, like researching guardianship in scene 17 and planning an escape in scene 49, demonstrate her determination to use her experiences to break free and protect her siblings." |
| Factual alignment | 10 | It accurately reflects the script's core themes of violence, cannibalism, and escape, with no major discrepancies. | "Elements like the family's cannibalistic rituals in scene 7 and Haley's escape plans in scene 58 are directly mirrored, ensuring the logline stays true to the narrative." |
Creative Executive's Take
Logline_3 secures the third spot by blending coming-of-age themes with horror in a way that's both factually precise and commercially engaging, capturing Haley's pivotal moment of emancipation and the gut-wrenching choices she faces. It accurately portrays the script's elements, such as her quest for custody (detailed in scenes with Gabriel and the guardianship research) and her replication of parental evil (like using the saw in the crematorium), while the 'ritual cannibalism' aspect, though slightly interpretive, is supported by the family's disturbing meals and traditions. Commercially, this logline appeals to a crossover audience, similar to 'It Follows,' by combining youthful rebellion with terror, and its clear stakes—exposing versus protecting—create a compelling dilemma that could drive box office interest in festivals and streaming platforms.
Strengths
This logline provides specific details about the protagonist and setting, creating a vivid and immersive hook.
Weaknesses
At 28 words, it is slightly wordy, which could dilute its impact and make it less punchy.
Suggested Rewrites
Detailed Scores
| Criterion | Score | Reason | Evidence |
|---|---|---|---|
| Hook | 9 | The specific elements like cannibalism and crematorium are intriguing, but the length might reduce its immediate punch. | "The script's crematorium scenes, such as in scene 7, and disappearances tied to Danny, provide a strong hook that the logline captures effectively." |
| Stakes | 9 | The stakes are high, with the risk of failure leading to enslavement or transformation, though it could emphasize emotional toll more. | "The script shows consequences like Aiden's death in scene 30 and Haley's moral dilemmas in scene 38, but the logline could heighten the personal cost." |
| Brevity | 7 | At 28 words, it is the longest logline, with some redundancy that could be cut for conciseness. | "While detailed, the script's pacing in scenes like 35 shows that brevity can maintain intensity, suggesting the logline could be tightened." |
| Clarity | 9 | The logline is detailed and clear, but the length might overwhelm, with 'sleepless' adding flavor that isn't central. | "Haley's sleepwalking in scene 1 and her investigations in scene 17 support the 'sleepless' and 'clever' aspects, but it could be streamlined for better flow." |
| Conflict | 9 | It depicts conflict with parents and the trail of disappearances, but the 'decision' aspect is somewhat abstract. | "Conflicts in scenes like 26 with Danny's threats and 45's revelations about burials are well-represented, leading to Haley's critical choices." |
| Protagonist goal | 10 | It explicitly states the goal of saving siblings and exposing the truth, with a clear decision point. | "Haley's protective actions, such as in scene 14 consoling Oli and Ava, and her research in scene 17, directly align with the goal." |
| Factual alignment | 10 | It accurately reflects key elements like age, cannibalism, and the crematorium, with strong fidelity to the script. | "Details such as Haley's age in scene 2, the trail of bodies in scene 26, and the crematorium in scene 37 are precisely mirrored in the logline." |
Creative Executive's Take
Ranking fourth, logline_16 offers a concise and triumphant arc that aligns perfectly with the script's themes of transformation and escape, making it commercially viable for its uplifting yet dark edge. It factually draws from Haley's use of wits in orchestrating her plan (e.g., the death cherry poisoning and hiding evidence) and the woods as a setting for key events, like her flight from Danny, while 'transforming trauma into triumph' mirrors her final act of burning the funeral home and driving away. This logline's marketability stems from its inspirational undertone amidst horror, akin to 'Room,' appealing to audiences seeking cathartic stories, though it could be more specific in places to heighten its hook, positioning it as a solid choice for mid-tier releases.
Strengths
This logline effectively builds suspense with the discovery element and highlights the protagonist's internal and external struggles, making it relatable and tense.
Weaknesses
It could specify the nature of the murders or the protagonist's name to better align with the script and increase specificity.
Suggested Rewrites
Detailed Scores
| Criterion | Score | Reason | Evidence |
|---|---|---|---|
| Hook | 9 | The discovery of murders and the moral dilemma of embracing darkness are engaging, though it lacks a unique twist to stand out more. | "Haley's moral choices, such as using violence in scene 51, hook the audience, but the logline's generality might not fully capture the cannibalism element emphasized in the script." |
| Stakes | 10 | High stakes are evident in the potential loss of family and descent into darkness, creating emotional urgency. | "The script's depiction of sibling endangerment, such as Danny threatening Oli in scene 26, and Haley's own risks in scene 37, underscore the dire consequences of failure." |
| Brevity | 8 | At 22 words, it is concise but could be tighter by reducing redundant phrases like 'web of lies and betrayal'. | "The script's fast-paced scenes, such as the chase in scene 35, benefit from brevity, but this logline has slight wordiness that could be streamlined." |
| Clarity | 9 | The logline is clear in setting up the inciting incident and the protagonist's journey, though 'embracing the darkness within' is somewhat vague. | "Haley's discovery of family secrets, such as in scene 21 where she uncovers skulls in the crawlspace, parallels the logline's murder revelation, but the vagueness slightly reduces precision." |
| Conflict | 9 | It portrays a complex web of lies and betrayal, including internal conflict, which is well-represented. | "Conflicts like Marcy's deceptions in scene 12 and Haley's internal struggles in scene 38 are captured, though the logline could elaborate on specific antagonists for depth." |
| Protagonist goal | 9 | It clearly defines the goal of securing a future amidst lies and betrayal, emphasizing protection of siblings. | "Haley's efforts to gain custody and escape, seen in scenes like 18 where she discusses guardianship with Gabriel, align with the goal, though the logline could name her for stronger connection." |
| Factual alignment | 9 | It accurately reflects the murders and family dynamics, but 'grisly murders' could specify cannibalism for better accuracy. | "The script details cannibalistic acts in scenes like 7 and 39, which are central, but the logline uses 'murders' broadly, missing the ritualistic eating aspect." |
Creative Executive's Take
As the fifth and slightly less polished selection, logline_0 effectively summarizes the high-stakes conflict with factual accuracy, referencing Haley's fight against her cannibalistic parents and the crematorium's role in disappearances, as seen in scenes like the masked man's murders and Haley's investigations. Its commercial appeal lies in the 'clever, sleepless 17-year-old' protagonist, evoking relatable teen horror tropes like in 'Scream,' and the decision-point hook adds tension, but it feels a bit more generic compared to others, potentially missing opportunities to delve deeper into emotional layers. Still, it's marketable for its directness and could attract a broad audience, serving as a reliable entry point for adaptations into film or TV.
Strengths
This logline is highly concise and evocative, effectively conveying the protagonist's resourcefulness and transformation.
Weaknesses
It lacks depth in specifying the family's cannibalism or the siblings' involvement, which could make it feel less comprehensive.
Suggested Rewrites
Detailed Scores
| Criterion | Score | Reason | Evidence |
|---|---|---|---|
| Hook | 9 | The transformation from trauma to triumph is compelling, but its brevity might limit the hook's depth for some audiences. | "Haley's arc in scene 39, embracing darkness, supports the hook, but the logline could add more specificity to the cannibalism element for stronger engagement." |
| Stakes | 8 | Stakes are implied through the 'deadly escape,' but they are not as explicitly stated as in other loglines, reducing urgency. | "The script's high-stakes moments, such as Danny's threats in scene 26, are present, but the logline doesn't convey the risk to her siblings or the family legacy." |
| Brevity | 10 | At only 12 words, it is extremely concise and punchy, wasting no words while delivering key ideas. | "The script's action-oriented scenes, like the concise confrontation in scene 51, align with this brevity, making it efficient and impactful." |
| Clarity | 9 | The logline is clear and poetic, but the shorthand 'cycle of violence' might benefit from more context for immediate understanding. | "Haley's use of the woods in scene 35 for escape aligns with the logline, but the vagueness could confuse readers unfamiliar with the script's details." |
| Conflict | 9 | It highlights the cycle of violence and Haley's clever countermeasures, creating strong opposition. | "Conflicts in the woods and with family, as in scene 36's chase, are well-captured, showing Haley's use of environment against antagonists." |
| Protagonist goal | 8 | The goal of orchestrating an escape is evident, but it could be more explicit about protecting others or the moral implications. | "Haley's escape plans in scenes like 49 and 58 show her using wits, but the logline omits her focus on siblings, which is central in the script." |
| Factual alignment | 9 | It accurately reflects Haley's escape and use of trauma, but downplays the cannibalism aspect for a more generalized violence. | "Elements like Haley's wit in scene 17's research and the woods in scene 35 are included, but the logline omits explicit cannibalism details prominent in the script." |
Other Loglines
- When a grieving family’s funeral home hides a monstrous secret, a streetwise teenager must wield the skills of a predator to protect her brother and sister — but survival comes at an indescribable moral price.
- After discovering her parents butcher and eat their victims, a resourceful teen engineers vigilante justice, navigates a broken legal system, and learns the brutal truth about what ‘family’ can mean in the most literal way possible.
- When a funeral-home dynasty’s monsters are discovered by their daughter, the line between hero and monster blurs as she hatches a dangerous plan to trade the family oven for freedom.
- A teenage girl, haunted by her family's dark secrets and a legacy of cannibalism, must embrace the monsters within to save her younger siblings from their deranged parents.
- In a desolate funeral home, a girl sleepwalks through a nightmare of abuse and horror, only to awaken to a horrifying reality where survival means becoming the monster she fears.
- When a disturbed family's dark secrets of cannibalism and abuse surface, their eldest daughter must harness the darkness to protect her younger siblings and break free from a legacy of death.
- To save her siblings from a life of horror and abuse, a young woman must confront her family's disturbing truth and become the very thing she despises to survive.
- A teenage girl, Haley, must confront her family's dark secrets and her own moral dilemmas as she fights to protect her younger siblings from their abusive, cannibalistic parents.
- In a twisted tale of survival, a young woman uncovers her family's horrific past and must make the ultimate sacrifice to ensure her siblings' escape from their cycle of violence and depravity.
- A psychological thriller that explores the depths of human depravity, as a young woman grapples with her family's dark legacy and the moral dilemmas that arise when the line between victim and perpetrator becomes blurred.
- Haunted by her family's dark secrets, a teenage girl must confront her own demons and the horrific truth about her parents' involvement in a series of unsolved disappearances in order to protect her siblings and forge a new path forward.
- A teenage girl uncovers her family's cannibalistic secrets and must fight to save her siblings from a legacy of abuse and murder in a remote funeral home.
- Haunted by sleepwalking visions, a young woman confronts her parents' horrors, blending psychological thriller elements with a quest for custody and freedom.
- In a tale of survival horror, Haley's journey from victim to predator exposes the dark underbelly of family dysfunction and the cost of silence.
- Exploring themes of resilience and redemption, this drama follows Haley's battle against her cannibalistic parents, culminating in a fiery break from the past.
- A teenage girl discovers her funeral home family are cannibals and must become a predator herself to save her younger siblings from becoming the next victims.
- In a remote funeral home, a sleepwalking teen uncovers her family's dark secret: they're cannibals who prey on the vulnerable, forcing her to embrace the family business to protect her siblings.
- A dysfunctional family running a crematorium hides a gruesome secret that their daughter must expose, even if it means becoming what she fears most to save her brother and sister.
- When a troubled teen realizes her parents are serial killers who consume their victims, she must navigate psychological manipulation and abuse to escape with her younger siblings.
- A coming-of-age horror story about a girl who discovers her family's cannibalistic practices and must use sleepwalking episodes to gather evidence while protecting her vulnerable siblings.
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Scene by Scene Emotions
suspense Analysis
Executive Summary
Suspense is masterfully woven throughout 'Permissible,' primarily through the constant threat of violence, the looming secrets within the Volk family, and Haley's desperate attempts to escape and protect her siblings. The pacing effectively builds tension, particularly in scenes with Danny and Marcy's overt brutality and Haley's clandestine investigations. The film excels at creating dread through atmosphere, dialogue, and visual cues, making the audience constantly anticipate the next horrifying event.
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fear Analysis
Executive Summary
Fear is a dominant and effectively utilized emotion throughout 'Permissible.' It is portrayed through visceral terror in scenes of extreme violence, the psychological torment of characters like Haley and Oli, and the pervasive dread of familial abuse and dark secrets. The film excels at creating anxiety and apprehension, particularly concerning the children's safety and Haley's increasingly desperate fight for survival. The fear is often amplified by the claustrophobic atmosphere, the unpredictability of Danny, and the horrifying implications of the Volk family's actions.
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joy Analysis
Executive Summary
Joy in 'Permissible' is scarce and heavily juxtaposed with overwhelming darkness, making the few moments of genuine happiness particularly poignant and impactful. These moments, primarily centered around the children's innocent desires or Haley's small victories, serve as vital counterpoints to the pervasive dread. The film uses these fleeting instances of joy to highlight the profound loss of childhood and normalcy for the characters, making their struggles all the more heartbreaking. The narrative cleverly imbues these joyful moments with an underlying fragility, often quickly overshadowed by the prevailing despair, thus amplifying the emotional impact of both.
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sadness Analysis
Executive Summary
Sadness pervades 'Permissible' as a constant undercurrent, stemming from the profound losses, the crushing of dreams, and the deeply dysfunctional family dynamics. The film effectively conveys sadness through the characters' trauma, the bleakness of their environment, and the sheer hopelessness of their situation. The loss of Aiden, the children's stolen innocence, and Haley's heartbreaking transformation all contribute to a powerful and pervasive sense of sadness and grief that resonates throughout the narrative.
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surprise Analysis
Executive Summary
Surprise is a vital and effectively deployed element in 'Permissible,' primarily manifesting as shocking revelations and unexpected plot twists that dramatically alter the narrative's trajectory and character understanding. The film utilizes shock through graphic violence, the reveal of hidden familial truths (cannibalism, paternity), and the subversion of character expectations (Haley's transformation, Marcy's actions). These surprises keep the audience engaged, invested, and consistently off-balance, enhancing the film's disturbing and unpredictable nature.
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sadness Analysis
Executive Summary
Sadness permeates 'Permissible' as a pervasive and deeply felt emotion, stemming from the profound losses experienced by the characters, the crushing of their dreams, and the bleakness of their family's dysfunction. The film masterfully conveys sadness through the characters' enduring trauma, the stark depiction of their environment, and the sheer hopelessness of their situation. The loss of Aiden, the children's stolen innocence, and Haley's heartbreaking transformation into a hardened survivor all contribute to a powerful and resonant sense of sadness and grief that underscores the entire narrative.
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joy Analysis
Executive Summary
Joy in 'Permissible' is a rare, precious commodity, meticulously woven into the narrative as fleeting moments that sharply contrast with the overwhelming darkness. These instances, primarily centered on the children's innocent desires or Haley's defiant acts of providing comfort, serve as vital emotional counterpoints, making the pervasive dread all the more impactful. The film cleverly imbues these brief sparks of joy with an inherent fragility, often quickly overshadowed by the prevailing despair. This contrast underscores the profound loss of childhood and normalcy for the characters, making their small victories and moments of happiness deeply moving and emotionally resonant.
Usage Analysis
Critique
Suggestions
Questions for AI
sadness Analysis
Executive Summary
Sadness is a pervasive and deeply felt emotion throughout 'Permissible,' stemming from the profound losses, the crushing of dreams, and the bleakness of the family's dysfunction. The film effectively conveys sadness through the characters' enduring trauma, the stark depiction of their environment, and the sheer hopelessness of their situation. The loss of Aiden, the children's stolen innocence, and Haley's heartbreaking transformation into a hardened survivor all contribute to a powerful and resonant sense of sadness and grief that underscores the entire narrative.
Usage Analysis
Critique
Suggestions
Questions for AI
surprise Analysis
Executive Summary
Surprise is a vital and effectively deployed element in 'Permissible.' It manifests primarily through shocking revelations and unexpected plot twists that dramatically alter the narrative's trajectory and character understanding. The film utilizes shock via graphic violence, the revelation of hidden familial truths (cannibalism, paternity), and the subversion of character expectations (Haley's transformation, Marcy's actions). These surprises keep the audience engaged and invested by ensuring the film remains unpredictable and disturbing, consistently challenging preconceived notions.
Usage Analysis
Critique
Suggestions
Questions for AI
empathy Analysis
Executive Summary
Empathy is a powerful tool in 'Permissible,' primarily generated through the harrowing experiences of Haley and the younger children, Oli and Ava. The screenplay elicits strong empathy by showcasing their vulnerability, their desperate attempts to survive, and their profound suffering within a deeply abusive and traumatic environment. Moments of familial connection, even amidst horror, and Haley's fierce protectiveness towards her siblings, forge deep connections with the audience, making their plight emotionally resonant.
Usage Analysis
Critique
Suggestions
Questions for AI
joy Analysis
Executive Summary
Joy in 'Permissible' is a rare, precious commodity, meticulously woven into the narrative as fleeting moments that sharply contrast with the overwhelming darkness. These instances, primarily centered on the children's innocent desires or Haley's defiant acts of providing comfort, serve as vital emotional counterpoints, making the pervasive dread all the more impactful. The film cleverly imbues these brief sparks of joy with an inherent fragility, often quickly overshadowed by the prevailing despair. This contrast underscores the profound loss of childhood and normalcy for the characters, making their small victories and moments of happiness deeply moving and emotionally resonant.
Usage Analysis
Critique
Suggestions
Questions for AI
sadness Analysis
Executive Summary
Sadness is a pervasive and deeply felt emotion throughout 'Permissible,' stemming from the profound losses, the crushing of dreams, and the bleakness of the family's dysfunction. The film masterfully conveys sadness through the characters' enduring trauma, the stark depiction of their environment, and the sheer hopelessness of their situation. The loss of Aiden, the children's stolen innocence, and Haley's heartbreaking transformation into a hardened survivor all contribute to a powerful and resonant sense of sadness and grief that underscores the entire narrative.
Usage Analysis
Critique
Suggestions
Questions for AI
surprise Analysis
Executive Summary
Surprise is a vital and effectively deployed element in 'Permissible.' It manifests primarily through shocking revelations and unexpected plot twists that dramatically alter the narrative's trajectory and character understanding. The film utilizes shock via graphic violence, the reveal of hidden familial truths (cannibalism, paternity), and the subversion of character expectations (Haley's transformation, Marcy's actions). These surprises keep the audience engaged and invested by ensuring the film remains unpredictable and disturbing, consistently challenging preconceived notions.
Usage Analysis
Critique
Suggestions
Questions for AI
empathy Analysis
Executive Summary
Empathy is a powerful tool in 'Permissible,' primarily generated through the harrowing experiences of Haley and the younger children, Oli and Ava. The screenplay elicits strong empathy by showcasing their vulnerability, their desperate attempts to survive, and their profound suffering within a deeply abusive and traumatic environment. Moments of familial connection, even amidst horror, and Haley's fierce protectiveness towards her siblings, forge deep connections with the audience, making their plight emotionally resonant.
Usage Analysis
Critique
Suggestions
Questions for AI