Toy With Them and They Shall Come

After a viral prank backfires, a swaggering leader and his friends face an unexpected teacher and two resilient foster kids who show them how to turn mockery into community.

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Overview

Poster
Unique Selling Point

This screenplay's unique selling proposition lies in its sophisticated inversion of the 'haunted house' trope into a psychological exploration of empathy and consequences. Rather than supernatural horror, it delivers genuine human tension through measured, realistic responses to teenage cruelty, creating a thought-provoking narrative about community, accountability, and the transformative power of understanding.

AI Verdict & Suggestions

Ratings are subjective. So you get different engines' ratings to compare.

Hover over verdict cards for Executive Summaries

GPT5
 Recommend
Gemini
 Highly Recommend
Grok
 Recommend
Claude
 Recommend
DeepSeek
 Recommend
Average Score: 8.6
Key Takeaways
For the Writer:
The script is emotionally strong and visually disciplined; the immediate craft work is to remove a few distracting ambiguities so the moral payoff lands with full force. Decide what the white minivan and recurring prank items actually mean (red herring, adult ally, or implied menace), and anchor the inciting harm with one short, concrete beat — a line, a quick flashback, or a found object — that makes clear what the teens did and how it affected Ms. Dorsey’s household. Also consider converting one or two montage beats (especially the pivot from avoidance to apology) into a single, focused scene to dramatize Marcus’s stakes and the group's decision to change. Small, specific additions (a dated photo or name on the toy box; a brief showing of the prank’s immediate impact) will deepen motivation without bloating runtime.
For Executives:
This is a festival-friendly, character-driven short with a clear USP: it subverts a prank/horror setup into restorative community drama. That makes it attractive to programmers and niche streaming slots focused on social-issue and coming‑of‑age work. The primary risk is perceptual: unresolved ambiguities (the van, the origin of the prank, and limited grounding for Ms. Dorsey’s motive) could be read as sloppy rather than artful, weakening audience buy-in and word‑of‑mouth. Fixing those small exposition and stakes gaps requires minimal shooting/writing resources but materially raises festival appeal and audience clarity — a low-cost, high-return polish before production or festival submission.
Story Facts
Genres:
Drama 65% Thriller 20% Horror 15% Comedy 10%

Setting: Contemporary, Urban neighborhood, primarily around the Dorsey home and local community spaces

Themes: Reconciliation and Forgiveness, Empathy and Understanding, Consequences of Actions and Growing Up, Innocence and Vulnerability, Community and Connection

Conflict & Stakes: The teenagers' playful pranks escalate into fear and guilt as they confront the consequences of their actions towards Ms. Dorsey and her children, with their friendships and personal growth at stake.

Mood: A mix of playful, eerie, and reflective tones throughout the screenplay.

Standout Features:

  • Unique Hook: The blend of playful teenage antics with eerie supernatural elements creates a compelling narrative.
  • Character Development: The growth of the teenagers from playful pranksters to individuals confronting their fears and guilt.
  • Community Themes: The focus on community and connection through the Dorsey family adds depth to the story.

Comparable Scripts: It Follows, The Goonies, Stand By Me, A Quiet Place, The Haunting of Hill House, Coraline, The Sixth Sense, Super 8, The Babadook

Data Says…
Feature in Alpha - Could have inaccuracies

Our stats model looked at how your scores work together and ranked the changes most likely to move your overall rating next draft. Ordered by the most reliable gains first.

1. Theme (Script Level)
Big Impact Script Level
Your current Theme (Script Level) score: 7.8
Typical rewrite gain: +0.5 in Theme (Script Level)
Gets you ~3% closer to an "all Highly Recommends" score
Confidence: High (based on ~3,464 similar revisions)
  • This is currently your highest-impact lever. Improving Theme (Script Level) is most likely to move the overall rating next.
  • What writers at your level usually do: Writers at a similar level usually raise Theme (Script Level) by about +0.5 in one rewrite.
  • Why it matters: At your level, improving this one area alone can cover a meaningful slice of the climb toward an "all Highly Recommends" script.
2. Concept
Big Impact Scene Level
Your current Concept score: 8.5
Typical rewrite gain: +0.25 in Concept
Gets you ~2% closer to an "all Highly Recommends" score
Confidence: High (based on ~2,164 similar revisions)
  • This is another meaningful lever. After you work on the higher-impact areas, this can still create a noticeable lift.
  • What writers at your level usually do: Writers at a similar level usually raise Concept by about +0.25 in one rewrite.
  • Why it matters: After you address the top item, gains here are still one of the levers that move you toward that "all Highly Recommends" zone.
3. Scene Structure
Big Impact Scene Level
Your current Scene Structure score: 8.0
Typical rewrite gain: +0.31 in Scene Structure
Gets you ~2% closer to an "all Highly Recommends" score
Confidence: High (based on ~3,452 similar revisions)
  • This is another meaningful lever. After you work on the higher-impact areas, this can still create a noticeable lift.
  • What writers at your level usually do: Writers at a similar level usually raise Scene Structure by about +0.31 in one rewrite.
  • Why it matters: After you address the top item, gains here are still one of the levers that move you toward that "all Highly Recommends" zone.

Script Level Analysis

Writer Exec

This section delivers a top-level assessment of the screenplay’s strengths and weaknesses — covering overall quality (P/C/R/HR), character development, emotional impact, thematic depth, narrative inconsistencies, and the story’s core philosophical conflict. It helps identify what’s resonating, what needs refinement, and how the script aligns with professional standards.

Screenplay Insights

Breaks down your script along various categories.

Overall Score: 8.29
Key Suggestions:
The single highest-impact rewrite is to deepen the emotional interior and agency of Ms. Dorsey and the foster children (Ava and Ben). Right now they read as symbolic catalysts; concretizing their backstories and giving them small, concrete actions will make the teens' transformation earned and the film's emotional payoff much stronger. Do this with short, visual beats (a tactile object tied to Ms. Dorsey’s past, a 10–20 second memory intercut, or a single, well-placed line) and by turning Ava and Ben into proactive participants (distinct rituals, sketches that speak, small helpful acts) rather than passive figures. Keep the fixes brief and visual so you don’t bloat length but you increase empathy, stakes, and dramatic clarity.
Story Critique

Big-picture feedback on the story’s clarity, stakes, cohesion, and engagement.

Key Suggestions:
The script is strong emotionally and thematically—lean into that by deepening a few key unknowns rather than changing the core. Give Ms. Dorsey small, specific beats or a brief scene (or two visual details) that hint at her past and why the toy box and phrase matter, and strengthen each teen’s personal stakes so their transformation feels earned. Keep the story’s subtle, psychological tone, but plant one or two ambiguous threads (a hinted origin for the white van or a half-explained line about the past) to create lingering tension and potential for future episodes without weakening the tidy emotional resolution.
Characters

Explores the depth, clarity, and arc of the main and supporting characters.

Key Suggestions:
The character analyses show a strong thematic core—consequences, empathy, and community—anchored by a compelling antagonist-turned-mentor in Ms. Dorsey. Where the script currently falters is in earning the teens' transformations: several arcs feel abrupt because the screenplay rarely shows the interior wounds and small decision points that move them from pranksters to allies. Focus on inserting a few short, specific beats (a hesitation, a flash memory, a private reaction, or a single revealing line) early and at midpoint for Marcus, Lex, Jamal and Tia so their shifts feel earned. Also sharpen distinct voices (small verbal ticks, metaphors tied to skills) and give Ben and Ava one or two more active, agency-driven moments to avoid them feeling like set dressing. These micro-adjustments will deepen emotional payoff without expanding runtime much.
Emotional Analysis

Breaks down the emotional journey of the audience across the script.

Key Suggestions:
Tighten the emotional arc so the audience is led gradually from mischief and unease into understanding — not jolted. Seed humane, ambiguous moments earlier (small kindnesses or brief vulnerable gestures from Ms. Dorsey, Ava or Ben in scenes 2–3) and soften repetitive fear beats. Extend and deepen the transitional moment (scene 5) so the teens have visible, private processing beats and the audience has time to recover. Personalize the apology and resolution with one clear, specific emotional milestone for each teen so the payoff feels earned.
Goals and Philosophical Conflict

Evaluates character motivations, obstacles, and sources of tension throughout the plot.

Key Suggestions:
The analysis shows a strong thematic core—teens learning responsibility, empathy, and community through confronting the consequences of a cruel prank—but the script risks undercutting that core by not clearly centering who drives the change and by resolving character growth largely through montage and symbolic moments. Tighten the protagonist POV (Marcus is the strongest candidate), amplify private moments that force real reckoning (show, don’t tell), and make the redemptive actions feel earned: escalate consequences earlier, let the lead make concrete choices that move from performative bravado to deliberate repair, and use Ms. Dorsey’s quiet authority to reveal moral stakes rather than summarizing them in platitudes.
Themes

Analysis of the themes of the screenplay and how well they’re expressed.

Key Suggestions:
Lean into the emotional throughlines that already exist: make Ms. Dorsey’s private grief and the teens’ internal reckonings more specific and visible through small, concrete moments rather than exposition. Tighten beats that show change (e.g., Marcus’s transition from performative bravado to protective responsibility) and use recurring sensory motifs (three knocks, pennies, the bulb, Ava’s sketches) as emotional anchors. This will preserve the story’s quiet magic while increasing audience empathy and payoff.
Logic & Inconsistencies

Highlights any contradictions, plot holes, or logic gaps that may confuse viewers.

Key Suggestions:
The script has a strong central arc — prank → escalating fear → reckoning → community repair — but a few unresolved threads and repeated motifs weaken its emotional payoff. The highest-priority fix is to resolve the white minivan thread (it reads like an abandoned threat) so the audience either understands its role or it’s removed; secondarily, smooth abrupt character shifts (Marcus’s swagger → sudden terror) with small beats that show mounting fear, and trim or vary the repeated knocking/phrase motifs so they retain potency without feeling on-the-nose. These changes will tighten pacing and make the final reconciliation feel earned instead of convenient.

Scene Analysis

All of your scenes analyzed individually and compared, so you can zero in on what to improve.

Scene-Level Percentile Chart
Hover over the graph to see more details about each score.
Go to Scene Analysis

Other Analyses

Writer Exec

This section looks at the extra spark — your story’s voice, style, world, and the moments that really stick. These insights might not change the bones of the script, but they can make it more original, more immersive, and way more memorable. It’s where things get fun, weird, and wonderfully you.

Unique Voice

Assesses the distinctiveness and personality of the writer's voice.

Key Suggestions:
You have a compelling, sensory-driven voice that makes setting and small gestures resonant — keep that. To strengthen the script, translate the atmosphere into clearer stakes sooner: give the audience a concrete emotional anchor (a small, revealing beat about Ms. Dorsey’s loss or the foster kids’ vulnerability) early on so the teens’ prank and the adults’ response register as meaningful rather than merely eerie. Tighten pacing by letting the ‘three knocks’ motif and physical details (toy box, pennies, bulb) carry narrative weight across scenes so the payoff in reconciliation feels earned rather than tidy.
Writer's Craft

Analyzes the writing to help the writer be aware of their skill and improve.

Key Suggestions:
You already have a strong atmospheric voice and a clear emotional center around community, empathy and redemption. To elevate the script, prioritize clarifying and deepening each main character’s arc—what they want, what they fear, and how they change—then let those inner trajectories drive dialogue and plot choices. Tighten dialogue so it carries sharper subtext (show choices rather than explain them) and calibrate the mystery: keep it evocative but ensure the audience understands the stakes and motivations without heavy exposition.
Memorable Lines
Spotlights standout dialogue lines with emotional or thematic power.
Tropes
Highlights common or genre-specific tropes found in the script.
World Building

Evaluates the depth, consistency, and immersion of the story's world.

Key Suggestions:
The world is rich and evocative but the emotional and symbolic core needs sharper grounding. Focus on making Ms. Dorsey’s history and the rules/symbols (three knocks, the toy box, the dolls, the white van) more explicit in service of the teens’ arc so the shift from pranksters to reconciled neighbors feels inevitable rather than coincidental. Tighten cause-and-effect and give the foster children clearer agency to deepen empathy and payoff.
Correlations

Identifies patterns in scene scores.

Key Suggestions:
Your screenplay nails character, dialogue, and emotional payoff—especially in quieter scenes—and you clearly know how to create memorable, affecting moments of redemption. However, the tonal shift around Scene 6 from tense/mysterious to reflective/redemptive reduces perceived stakes and plot momentum. To strengthen the script, keep the emotional development but tether it to tangible plot consequences: let reflective beats reveal new information, create a lingering threat or ticking consequence, or intercut quieter moments with reminders of the original danger so the mystery/thriller energy is preserved while characters change.
Loglines
Presents logline variations based on theme, genre, and hook.