Note: This is the overall critique. For scene by scene critique click here
Summaries
Jenny Bradford offers advice to her friend Whitney Richards about her suspicions that her husband is cheating. They discuss ways to track his activities, including using work resources. The Director, Weaver, enters the restroom and reminds them of the importance of their upcoming episode, creating a momentary power dynamic. The scene ends with Jenny and Whitney exiting the restroom, sharing a lighthearted moment about the Director's flatulence.
Whitney and Jenny enter a bathroom after hearing a strange noise and find their coworker, who appears to be sick or injured. They then join Rajesh in a control room, where they celebrate their success in social media engagement and preorders for their latest project. Rajesh hints at a possible streaming service and encourages them to do well in their task. The women continue to a craft table, discussing their past successes and the challenges ahead. The scene takes place in an underground complex during working hours, and the general mood is positive and celebratory.
Bradley Forrest, the leading man, is preparing for a retreat in Washington, DC and gets into a tense negotiation with the operator over bringing his own firearm, which is against the rules due to liability reasons. Despite Bradley's attempts to negotiate, the operator insists on the rules. The scene takes place in Bradley's apartment and ends with him agreeing to the terms and arrangements being made for transportation.
Theme
Theme Details
Theme Explanation
Trust and Betrayal (30%)
This theme is present in Jenny's advice to Whitney about tracking her husband's activities, Bradley's frustration over not being able to bring his own firearm, and the general suspicions and conflicts in the screenplay.
The theme of trust and betrayal is prevalent as characters navigate suspicions of infidelity, breaking rules, and negotiating trust in different relationships.
Use lighting and camera angles to create a sense of unease or tension during the scene in the bathroom, foreshadowing potential betrayals to come.
Story Arc
Introduce a subplot that revolves around a betrayal within the workplace, highlighting the theme of trust and betrayal in a different context.
Power and Authority (25%)
This theme is present in the power dynamic between the characters and Director Weaver, the negotiation between Bradley and the operator, and the overall theme of responsibility and following rules.
The theme of power and authority is depicted through various interactions, conflicts, and decisions made by the characters, highlighting the importance of hierarchy and following guidelines.
Friendship and Camaraderie (15%)
This theme is present in the interactions between Jenny and Whitney, their supportive relationship, and the celebration among coworkers in the underground complex.
The theme of friendship and camaraderie is showcased through characters bonding, supporting each other through challenges, and celebrating successes together, emphasizing the importance of teamwork and unity.
Secrecy and Deception (10%)
This theme is present in Whitney's suspicions of her husband cheating, the mysterious retreat in Washington, DC, and the element of hidden agendas within the characters.
The theme of secrecy and deception is explored through characters keeping secrets, uncovering hidden motives, and dealing with unexpected revelations, showcasing the complexity of relationships and trust.
Responsibility and Accountability (10%)
This theme is present in Director Weaver's reminder of the upcoming episode's importance, the rules and regulations in Bradley's negotiation, and the characters' dedication to their work in the underground complex.
The theme of responsibility and accountability is depicted through characters facing consequences, making tough decisions, and acknowledging their duties and obligations, highlighting the importance of integrity and professionalism.
Humor and Playfulness (10%)
This theme is present in the light-hearted tone of the screenplay, the joking exchanges between characters, and the humorous moments in different scenes.
The theme of humor and playfulness adds a light-hearted element to the screenplay, offering comedic relief, enhancing character dynamics, and engaging the audience with entertaining moments.
What's going on here? - Scenes are rated on many critreia. The goal isn't to try to maximize every number;
It's to make you aware of what's happening in your scenes. You might have very good reasons to have character development but not advance the story, or have a scene without conflict. Obviously if your dialogue is really bad, you should probably look into that.
Here are insights from the scene-level analysis, highlighting strengths, weaknesses, and actionable suggestions.
Some points may appear in both strengths and weaknesses due to scene variety. Tip: Click on criteria in the top row for detailed summaries.
Scene Strengths
Engaging character interactions
Distinct characters
Blend of comedy and drama
Scene Weaknesses
Lack of emotional depth
Some scenes may be too chaotic for clarity
Limited emotional depth
Some dialogue may be too cryptic or vague
Suggestions
Focus on adding more emotional depth to the characters
Consider simplifying some of the chaotic scenes to streamline the narrative
Ensure that the dialogue is clear and straightforward, avoiding cryptic or vague language as much as possible
Scene 1 - Suspicions and Surprises in the Ladies Room
The #1 Rule of Screenwriting: Make your reader or audience compelled to keep reading.
“Grab ‘em by the throat and never let ‘em go.”
The scene level score is the impact on the reader or audience to continue reading.
The Script score is how compelled they are to keep reading based on the rest of the script so far.
Scene 2 - Celebrating Success and Tackling Challenges
The #1 Rule of Screenwriting: Make your reader or audience compelled to keep reading.
“Grab ‘em by the throat and never let ‘em go.”
The scene level score is the impact on the reader or audience to continue reading.
The Script score is how compelled they are to keep reading based on the rest of the script so far.
Scene 3 - Bradley's Frustration: Firearm Rule Negotiation
The #1 Rule of Screenwriting: Make your reader or audience compelled to keep reading.
“Grab ‘em by the throat and never let ‘em go.”
The scene level score is the impact on the reader or audience to continue reading.
The Script score is how compelled they are to keep reading based on the rest of the script so far.
Scene 4 -
The #1 Rule of Screenwriting: Make your reader or audience compelled to keep reading.
“Grab ‘em by the throat and never let ‘em go.”
The scene level score is the impact on the reader or audience to continue reading.
The Script score is how compelled they are to keep reading based on the rest of the script so far.
Scene 5 -
The #1 Rule of Screenwriting: Make your reader or audience compelled to keep reading.
“Grab ‘em by the throat and never let ‘em go.”
The scene level score is the impact on the reader or audience to continue reading.
The Script score is how compelled they are to keep reading based on the rest of the script so far.
Scene 6 -
The #1 Rule of Screenwriting: Make your reader or audience compelled to keep reading.
“Grab ‘em by the throat and never let ‘em go.”
The scene level score is the impact on the reader or audience to continue reading.
The Script score is how compelled they are to keep reading based on the rest of the script so far.
Scene 7 -
The #1 Rule of Screenwriting: Make your reader or audience compelled to keep reading.
“Grab ‘em by the throat and never let ‘em go.”
The scene level score is the impact on the reader or audience to continue reading.
The Script score is how compelled they are to keep reading based on the rest of the script so far.
World Building
Physical environment: The physical environment in the screenplay includes modern office buildings, an underground complex with advanced technology, and a luxurious apartment. The settings range from mundane to high-tech, and the contrast highlights the characters' experiences in different worlds.
Culture: The cultural elements in the screenplay include office gossip, workplace dynamics, competition, and ratings war. These elements shape the characters' interactions and conflicts, and contribute to the narrative by driving the characters' actions and decisions.
Society: The societal structure in the screenplay includes hierarchy and individual rights. The presence of Director Weaver and the underground complex with advanced technology suggest a hierarchical society, while the luxurious apartment and the character's focus on personal protection indicate a society that values individual rights.
Technology: The technological elements in the screenplay include GPS tracking, text message monitoring, advanced monitors, and high-end weaponry. These elements contribute to the narrative by providing the characters with tools to gather information and communicate, and highlight the characters' abilities to navigate in a modern setting.
Characters influence: The unique physical environment, culture, society, and technology shape the characters' experiences and actions by providing challenges, opportunities, and limitations. The characters' interactions and conflicts are influenced by the world elements, and the characters' responses reveal their personalities and motivations.
Narrative contribution: The world elements contribute to the narrative by providing context, setting, and conflict. The contrasting physical environments create a sense of contrast and tension, the cultural elements drive the characters' actions and decisions, the societal structure provides a backdrop for the characters' struggles, and the technological elements provide tools and challenges for the characters.
Thematic depth contribution: The world elements contribute to the thematic depth of the screenplay by highlighting themes of power, privacy, and individuality. The characters' experiences and actions reveal their struggles with these themes, and the world elements provide a rich and complex backdrop for the exploration of these ideas.
Top Correlations and patterns found in the scenes:
Pattern
Explanation
Humorous and Sarcastic Tone Correlated with Higher Emotional Impact and Dialogue Scores
Scenes with a humorous, sarcastic, or satirical tone tend to have higher emotional impact and dialogue scores. This could indicate that the author's use of humor and sarcasm enhances the emotional engagement of the viewer and improves the quality of the dialogue.
Scenes with Intense or Suspenseful Tone Have Higher Conflict and Stakes
Scenes with a suspenseful, intense, or mysterious tone tend to have higher conflict and stakes scores. This suggests that the author effectively uses tone to create tension and high stakes in the story.
Lower Character Scores Correlated with Lower Story Movement
Scenes with lower character scores tend to have lower scores in moving the story forward. This may indicate that the author could improve the progression of the story by focusing on character development.
Scenes with Higher Emotional Impact Tend to Have Character Changes
Scenes with higher emotional impact scores are more likely to have character changes. This could mean that emotional moments in the story contribute to character development and growth.
Writer's Craft Overall Analysis
The screenplay demonstrates a strong command of dialogue, tone, and character dynamics, creating engaging and unique narratives in various workplace settings. The writer shows an aptitude for blending genres and creating a unique voice, but there are opportunities to further refine storytelling techniques and character development.
Key Improvement Areas
Story Structure and Character Development
While the dialogue and character interactions are strong, there is room to enhance the overall story structure and deepen character development to create a more impactful narrative.
Pacing and Tension
Improving pacing and tension throughout the screenplay can help maintain audience engagement and build anticipation for the story's resolution.
Suggestions
Type
Suggestion
Rationale
Book
Save the Cat by Blake Snyder
This book provides valuable insights on story structure and character development, which can help the writer refine their storytelling techniques and enhance the impact of their scenes.
Exercise
Practice outlining the story's three-act structure and identifying key plot points for each act.Practice In SceneProv
This exercise can help the writer improve their story structure and pacing, ensuring a more engaging and satisfying narrative for the audience.
Screenplay
Read screenplays with strong character development and story structure, such as 'Spotlight' by Tom McCarthy and Josh Singer or 'The Big Short' by Charles Randolph and Adam McKay.
Studying well-crafted screenplays can provide the writer with examples of effective storytelling and character development, helping them improve their own writing.
Additional Notes:
The writer has a clear talent for creating engaging dialogue and dynamic characters. By focusing on story structure, pacing, and tension, the writer can elevate their screenplays to an even higher level, creating truly compelling and memorable narratives.
Here are different Tropes found in the screenplay
Trope
Trope Details
Trope Explanation
Cheating husband trope
Whitney suspects her husband is cheating and seeks advice on how to track him.
This trope revolves around a character suspecting their partner of infidelity, leading to various means of investigation or confrontation. An example of this trope can be seen in the movie 'Gone Girl' where the main character suspects her husband of cheating and takes extreme measures to uncover the truth.
Office gossip trope
Jenny and Whitney engage in gossip about their coworker's condition and the Director's behavior.
This trope involves characters in a workplace setting indulging in rumors, speculation, or discussion about their colleagues or superiors. An example of this trope is the TV show 'The Office' where the employees frequently engage in office gossip and misunderstandings.
Celebration of success trope
Whitney, Jenny, and Rajesh celebrate their accomplishments in social media engagement and project preorders.
This trope involves characters reveling in their achievements and acknowledging their hard work paying off. An example of this trope can be seen in the movie 'The Devil Wears Prada' where the characters celebrate the success of a successful fashion show.
Character negotiation trope
Bradley negotiates to bring his own firearm to a retreat but ultimately agrees to the terms.
This trope involves a character attempting to bargain or negotiate to achieve their desired outcome, often facing obstacles or conditions they must comply with. An example of this trope is in the movie 'Die Hard' where the protagonist negotiates with the terrorists to protect hostages.
Flatulence humor trope
The Director is teased by Jenny and Whitney for her flatulence as they exit the restroom.
This trope involves incorporating comedic moments related to passing gas or flatulence, often for added humor or levity. An example of this trope can be found in the movie 'Bridesmaids' where a character's flatulence leads to a humorous and awkward situation.
Bradley: No leaks. This is how we know we’re a real family here, right?
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View Analysis
View Script
1 -
Suspicions and Surprises in the Ladies Room - Overall Grade:
8.0
JENNY Bradford (white 35) exits a stall. WHITNEY Richards
(black 45) stands at the mirror. They talk like sisters.
JENNY
I'm just saying where there's smoke
there's fire. If you think he's
cheating, he's probably cheating.
WHITNEY
I know but I can't prove it.
JENNY
Get Steve in pre-screen to run a
GPS trace. Find out where he's
been. Better yet, have Richie in IT
pull up his texts.
WHITNEY
Shit, you know that bum's got a
burner and his dumb ass thinks I
don't know. Besides, Steve got
suspended for stalking his ex and
Richie keeps asking me for nudes.
JENNY
I already reported that little
creep to HR. Besides, if anyone
deserves to see you naked it's me.
DIRECTOR WEAVER, an elegant, smartly dressed woman in her
mid 60's, enters the restroom. The ladies greet their boss.
WHITNEY & JENNY
Good morning, Madame Director.
Nodding wordlessly to the pair, the statuesque executive
strides in stilettos to a vacant stall and shuts the door.
JENNY
God, I love that woman.
WHITNEY
I want to be her when I grow up.
JENNY
(whispers)
I bet her farts smell like Chanel
Number 5.
DIRECTOR WEAVER (O.C.)
You know I can hear you, ladies.
2.
JENNY
Sorry, Madame Director. I meant it
in the best possible way.
DIRECTOR WEAVER (O.C.)
I'm sure you did. Get over to
Intake for debriefing. I want this
episode to go off without a hitch.
It's our season finale, and we
can't afford any goddamn surprises.
WHITNEY
Yes, of course. Right away.
Whitney puts away her makeup and Jenny washes up. The pair
turn to leave when they hear a soft squeak of flatulence.
The bathroom door closes behind 2 stunned and slightly
curious coworkers. They look at each other in astonishment.
WHITNEY
Did she just? I mean, did she?
JENNY
I'm going back in. I gots to know.
Whitney dips back into the Ladies room to test the air
quality, leaving her friend in the hallway. In a moment, she
emerges to rejoin her colleague wearing a pained expression.
WHITNEY
Chanel Number 5?
JENNY
Not exactly. Quite the opposite.
WHITNEY
All the stress is making her sick.
JENNY
It sounded like there was something
inside of her trying to get out.
The duo walk under fluorescent illumination and stop to
enter an open door. Banks of monitors and computers running
analytics. RAJESH Dhawan, 25, waves excitedly to the women.
JENNY (CONT'D)
Hey Raj, what's the good news?
3.
RAJESH
We are absolutely unstoppable,
ladies! The subreddit just passed
60 million, our Gram is on fire and
we've currently got 3 of the top 5
hashtags. And did I mention that
we've gotten twice the Twitch
preorders as last time. This one's
gonna be huge, my sweetie darlings.
WHITNEY
I could have told you that. Half
the country hates the other half.
It's perfect, really. I'm surprised
nobody has thought of this before.
JENNY
Hey, I saw where we might get our
own streaming service. Is it true?
RAJESH
I can neither confirm nor deny that
rumor, but let's say there's a lot
riding on this episode. Go make me
proud girls, and don't fuck it up.
WHITNEY
Child please. We never do.
JENNY
Tell corporate to fire up the jet,
Raj. By Tuesday, we'll be sipping
appletinis on Maui.
WHITNEY
Hallelujah. Can I get an amen?
JENNY
Amen sister. Praise Jesus!
RAJESH
That's funny coming from you 2.
Samhara Kali is more your speed.
JENNY
What's that supposed to mean?
RAJESH
It means give em hell, ladies. Bye!
WHITNEY
Love you. Mean it.
4.
Air kisses are dispensed and the women continue walking.
Directional signs point the way to DIAGNOSTICS, ARMORY,
ENVIRONMENTAL, MEDICAL and EDITING. Staffers hurry past and
a miserable PA holds his cellphone at arm's length while
Madame Director verbally abuses him.
WHITNEY (CONT'D)
That's not a good sign. I think the
pressure's finally getting to her.
JENNY
Personally I love the smell of
Sweeps Week in the morning.
Smells like VICTORY.
The pair follow their prescribed path to INTAKE and
ORIENTATION. A stairway leading up is labeled: PRINCIPAL
PHOTOGRAPHY - AUTHORIZED PERSONNEL ONLY with a caution sign
reading LIVE FIRE AREA - ENTER AT YOUR OWN RISK.
WHITNEY
This ratings war is out of hand.
After what happened to Drew and JW,
1 bad episode is all it takes.
JENNY
Now, THAT was great storytelling.
WHITNEY
I don't know. I liked those guys.
JENNY
You have to admit the surprise
ending was cool. What a twist.
WHITNEY
It was kind of sad, really.
JENNY
I thought it was poetic justice.
WHITNEY
Poetic? They were torn limb from
limb by an animatronic mermaid.
JENNY
Mer-MAN. Don't you see? They were
killed by their own creation like
the doctor in Frankenstein.
WHITNEY
OK, I'll give you that. Kudos to
Mary Shelley, but still--
5.
JENNY
Man, I hope we get to use that prop
again. That is one bad robot.
They step to the side and a group of medical personnel usher
past a groaning, wounded mechanic. Worried staff hold his
mangled hand wrapped in a towel. The medics pass as blood
drips on the concrete floor and the stark white walls.
JENNY (CONT'D)
Play stupid game, win stupid prize.
WHITNEY
Just another day in Paradise.
JENNY
I wonder what kind of goodies the
Gadget Shop gave us this time?
WHITNEY
We'll find out at debrief. Hope
it's something better than last--
Whitney spies a spot of blood on her shoe and fumes.
WHITNEY (CONT'D)
Not again! I just bought these.
JENNY
Club soda will get it out. C'mon,
my blood sugar's getting low.
They swing by the craft table. Whitney grabs an apple juice
while Jenny scoops up a handful of pastries.
JENNY (CONT'D)
Heard we get a bonus if we can get
them past 12 hours in one piece.
WHITNEY
Good luck. Sponsor wants things to
get physical ASAP. Madame Director
expects blood before breakfast.
JENNY
Piece of cake. These 2 don't need
encouragement. You read their bios?
They can't wait to kill each other.
WHITNEY
Well then, let's give them a 4th of
July weekend they'll never forget.
6.
JENNY
Or survive, for that matter.
A loud musical sting morphs into Hail to the Chief, followed
by a smash cut to the title: RED WHITE & DOOMED
Genres:
Comedy, Sci-Fi, Drama Tone:
Humorous, Sarcastic, Satirical
An Italian suit lies next to a Hawaiian shirt on a king-
sized bed. On the nightstand is a semi-automatic pistol,
combat knife and Kevlar helmet. Nearby sits a kitted-out AR-
15 and a set of body armor bearing a skull Punisher logo.
BRADLEY Forrest emerges from the bathroom. 28 and leading-
man handsome, he whines in frustration into his cellphone.
BRADLEY
Whaddaya mean I can't bring my own?
OPERATOR (O.S.)
I'm sorry, it's not permitted for
liability reasons. Insurance and
such, I'm sure you understand.
BRADLEY
I don't remember agreeing to that.
OPERATOR (O.S.)
It was stipulated in the release
you signed, Mr. Forrest. If you'd
rather we find a replacement--
BRADLEY
No! I really want to go, I guess I
just didn't read the fine print.
OPERATOR (O.S.)
Need I remind you, this generous
contribution is contingent on your
complete cooperation.
BRADLEY
Not even for personal protection? I
make it a point to never be more
than 5 feet away from a firearm at
all times. Just in case.
Brad gathers the rifle and strokes it's suppressor-tipped
barrel. A bulge grows under his towel.
OPERATOR (O.S.)
It's simply a matter of protocol.
(MORE)
7.
OPERATOR (CONT'D)
Let me assure you, the donor fully
supports your 2nd amendment rights.
BRADLEY
Then why no guns?
OPERATOR (O.S.)
No weapons of any kind. Our client
prefers that you make use of the
on-site facilities. Whatever else
you may need will be provided for.
Brad drops his towel, sits on the bed and fondles himself.
BRADLEY
Facilities? Like what?
Hot tub? Sauna? Jet-skis?
(suspicious)
Come on, level with me: Is this one
of those stupid team building boot
camp things? Or one of those policy
workshop circle-jerks?
OPERATOR (O.S.)
(chuckles)
No. Not at all.
BRADLEY
So what're we supposed to do there?
OPERATOR (O.S.)
I'm not at liberty to be specific.
But this is a very exclusive
retreat, and our benefactor has a
reputation for having the best toys
money can buy. I promise you will
not be disappointed. Is your female
guest still accompanying you?
BRADLEY
Yeah, about that--
Brad stands at a window naked and erect. Below, a woman hops
into a cab and flips him off before closing the door.
BRADLEY (CONT'D)
There's been a change of plans.
Brad flips through pictures of young women on his phone. He
selects one, swipes right and closes the app.
8.
BRADLEY (CONT'D)
My guest is a friend of a friend
from Florida. She's a massage
therapist and doesn't speak
English. Is that a problem?
OPERATOR (O.S.)
Is she over 18 years of age?
Brad's brow furrows.
BRADLEY
Sure, as far as I know.
OPERATOR (O.S.)
Then there should be no problem.
We'll get her information and
signed release during orientation.
BRADLEY
And what happens there stays there?
OPERATOR (O.S.)
Very much so. Privacy is paramount.
The location is very secluded and
its security system second to none.
Still naked, Brad walks to a shelf holding a lacrosse
trophy, an ROTC patch, and an autographed photo of his
awkward teenaged self shaking hands with a Congressman.
BRADLEY
No leaks. This is how we know we’re
a real family here, right?
OPERATOR (O.S.)
And a very exclusive one at that.
Only a select few who make it past
the screening process are invited
to participate. I am certain that
very soon, everyone in the world
will know your name, Mr. Forrest.
BRADLEY
Tucker Carlson himself called me
the future of the Conservative
Movement. Who am I to argue?
OPERATOR (O.S.)
Let's hope so sir. Very well, you
are confirmed. An email will be
forthcoming and arrangements have
been made for transportation.
9.
BRADLEY
So what, are you guys sending over
a limo or something like that?
Inside a modest bedroom, a duffel bag and a suit lie on the
bed alongside 3 pairs of vintage sneakers. At the foot of
the bed is a military footlocker featuring a rainbow
sticker, peace symbol, and a Puerto Rican flag.
JAVIER Rios, fit and 28, emerges from his bathroom holding a
fussy baby in one arm and a ringing cellphone in the other.
JAVIER
Can somebody come get him?
I've got to take this call.
A smiling young woman in braids pops into the room, takes
the child and leaves. Javi grins and silently mouths his
thanks before he closes the door and takes the call.
JAVIER (CONT'D)
Hello?
OPERATOR (O.S.)
Mr. Rios, your transportation has
arrived. It's waiting outside.
Javi looks out a window and spots the black SUV.
JAVIER
I see it. Sorry I'm running late.
OPERATOR (O.S.)
I'll alert the driver. However, I'm
afraid time is of the essence Mr.
Rios. It's a rather long flight and
we're on a bit of a tight schedule.
The combat veteran folds his fatigues and puts on socks.
JAVIER
I'll be there. Did the check clear
yet? The Foundation is counting on
it to pay this month's rent.
10.
OPERATOR (O.S.)
The initial funds will be disbursed
once you and your guest arrive and
successfully complete orientation.
Javi opens his closet, revealing an Army dress uniform hung
next to a meticulously maintained lineup of athletic shoes.
JAVIER
No bullshit?
In a flash he selects a pair of rare 'Miro' Air Jordan 7s.
OPERATOR (O.S.)
As mentioned in our correspondence,
our client donates generously to
hundreds of charities and Community
Organizations like your own.
Leaning on his footlocker, Javi tucks a small object into
his sock before he slips on the colorful sneakers.
JAVIER
Uh-huh. Then why the secrecy?
OPERATOR (O.S.)
They feel it's best that their
philanthropy remains anonymous.
Javi slings his duffel bag over a shoulder and leaves.
OPERATOR (O.S.)
I assure you, the donation will be
made exactly as detailed in the
document you signed. Oh, and Mr.
Rios? I saw where you were a vegan?
JAVIER
Just a garden-variety vegetarian.
OPERATOR (O.S.)
I see. Garden variety. Very clever.
JAVIER
I hope that's not a problem?
OPERATOR (O.S.)
Not at all. Does your guest have
any special dietary rquirements?
11.
A furry locomotive dashes across the apartment and bowls
into Javi's lower legs, nearly knocking him over. The German
Shepherd rolls over and a long tongue flops from the toothy
muzzle. One of her forelegs sports a clever prosthetic limb.
JAVIER
No. She'll eat just about anything.
OPERATOR (O.S.)
Very good. Any other concerns or
questions before we proceed?
Sergeant Rios reaches down and smiles as he ruffles her fur.
JAVIER
Well she's a combat veteran, and
she's kind of sensitive around loud
noises. You're sure there won't be
any guns or fireworks?
OPERATOR (O.S.)
Outside weapons of any type are
prohibited on the property.
JAVIER
That's reassuring. Sort of.
OPERATOR (O.S.)
However it IS a political retreat,
so I can't guarantee there won't be
any fireworks this weekend.
JAVIER
Metaphorically speaking, of course.
OPERATOR (O.S.)
Of course.
Javi hangs up, kisses his sister MARIANNE and niece OLIVIA
before touching the framed photo of his late Mother.
JAVIER
Gotta go, my ride's here.
The baby squeals happily in his highchair as the Shepherd
licks smeared baby food from the infant's face. Teenaged
Olivia hugs the big dog protectively.
JAVIER (CONT'D)
We'll be back soon. Love you guys!
12.
Javier looks up, points skyward and crosses himself as he
and the dog exit the apartment. On her laptop, Marianne is
forced to sit through a video promo for an upcoming episode
of a popular new reality show.
ANNOUNCER (O.S.)
Starting tomorrow, don't miss live
wall-to-wall coverage of Blood
Feud's anticipated season finale.
MARIANNE
Oh my God.
OLIVIA
What is it?
Olivia looks over her Mom's shoulder as she feeds the baby.
ANNOUNCER (O.S.)
It's Red versus Blue as Blood Feud
gets political. Can a Social
Justice Warrior hold his own
against a Conservative Crusader?
MARIANNE
Who in the world watches this crap?
OLIVIA
Everyone at school does. Some goth
kids got expelled for starting a
Blood Feud fan club. They had a
kill list and everything.
ANNOUNCER (O.S.)
It's your patriotic duty to watch,
because YOU decide who will be the
last man standing. For details, go
to BloodFeud.com and register to
cast your vote.
Javier's sister stares suspiciously at the screen while a
troubling thought seems to linger at the back of her mind.
OLIVIA
What?
ANNOUNCER (O.S.)
Can't get enough Blood? Download
the app to follow the action 24
hours a day on our live feed--
MARIANNE
Never mind, It's probably nothing.
13.
ANNOUNCER (O.S.)
Register now to get exclusive
behind-the-scenes access or binge
all your favorite feuds right from
your iPhone or Android.
Bradley & Javier lie naked and unconscious on stretchers
attached to a network of sensors. Banks of medical equipment
monitor all vital signs and biological functions. 3 masked
doctors converse before one of them faces the security
camera and gives a thumbs up.
EXT. UNDERGROUND MEDICAL FACILITY - CONTINUOUS
Jenny and Whitney walk past the door of the Med Lab. Jenny
stops to peer through the window while Whitney pauses to
inspect her shoe, clearly irritated by the bloodstain.
JENNY
Scanned, stable and locked in, just
the way we like them. Divergence is
minimal and neural path perception
is over 94%. These 2 should be a
walk in the park.
WHITNEY
The plus ones are the issue. Canine
behavior is mostly predictable, but
AI maps don't account for instinct.
JENNY
The new algorithms worked just fine
in beta testing. First time for
everything. I guess we'll find out.
WHITNEY
The veterinarian they hired just
quit. Flat out refused to do the
procedure, called it unethical.
JENNY
Poor puppy. What about the girl?
You think Sleeping Beauty knows?