The Twelfth Moon Major Revision2

When Captain Carla Cain, the granddaughter of a vanished explorer, uncovers evidence that colony ships were secretly diverted to mine a mysterious lethal energy called Soladar, she must lead a ragtag team across a living moon to expose a government conspiracy — even if it costs her everything.

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Overview

Poster
Unique Selling Point

This script stands out in the sci-fi genre by subverting traditional mining tropes into body horror, where the resource 'mines' humans via a living moon, creating a fresh ecological conspiracy narrative. It appeals to fans of Alien and Prometheus through its isolation horror and ethical dilemmas around sacrifice for progress, compelling viewers with Carla Cain's relentless quest for truth amid personal tragedy, culminating in a poignant, self-sacrificial climax that underscores themes of legacy and exposure.

AI Verdict & Suggestions

Ratings are subjective. So you get different engines' ratings to compare.

Hover over verdict cards for Executive Summaries

GPT5
 Consider
Claude
 Consider
Gemini
 Consider
DeepSeek
 Consider
Grok
 Recommend
Average Score: 7.4
Key Takeaways
For the Writer:
To improve the script from a creative standpoint, focus on tightening the pacing in the middle act by condensing repetitive exposition and investigation scenes to maintain momentum and heighten tension. Develop supporting characters with deeper arcs and distinct motivations to make their roles more integral and emotionally resonant, enhancing the overall impact of losses and relationships. Address unresolved elements, such as the conspiracy's full resolution and the true nature of Soladar, to provide a satisfying conclusion that ties together the personal and thematic threads, ensuring a cohesive and impactful narrative.
For Executives:
This script offers solid value as a high-concept sci-fi thriller with horror elements, boasting a unique premise around a sentient energy source that could appeal to audiences seeking original content similar to Alien or Prometheus, potentially attracting festival buzz and studio interest. However, risks include uneven pacing that may bore viewers during the expository middle section and unresolved plot threads that could confuse audiences or lead to negative feedback, diminishing commercial viability without revisions to sharpen structure and closure.
Story Facts
Genres:
Science Fiction 60% Action 30% Thriller 25% Drama 40% Horror 20%

Setting: Distant future, with elements of post-apocalyptic and space exploration themes., Primarily set on the Twelfth Moon of Rezela, the U.S. Mendes spaceship, and the AC20 spacecraft, with flashbacks to Earth.

Themes: Corruption and Deception, The Search for Truth and Justice, Sacrifice and Loss, Survival and Resilience, The Unknown and the Alien, Trust and Betrayal, Family and Legacy, Technological Advancement and its Dangers

Conflict & Stakes: The crew's struggle for survival against environmental hazards and the mysterious substance Soladar, with the stakes involving their lives and the truth behind their mission.

Mood: Tense and suspenseful, with moments of introspection and emotional depth.

Standout Features:

  • Unique Hook: The sentient nature of the moon's ground, which reacts to biological matter, creating a unique survival challenge.
  • Major Twist: The revelation that the Soladar substance is alive and poses a direct threat to the crew, complicating their escape.
  • Innovative Idea: The use of metal-soled shoes to navigate the hazardous terrain, showcasing creative problem-solving in a dire situation.
  • Distinctive Setting: The alien landscape of Rezela, with its eerie beauty and dangers, provides a visually striking backdrop for the story.

Comparable Scripts: Event Horizon, The Martian, Alien, Interstellar, Battlestar Galactica, The Expanse, Gravity, Annihilation, Lost in Space

Script Level Analysis

Writer Exec

This section delivers a top-level assessment of the screenplay’s strengths and weaknesses — covering overall quality (P/C/R/HR), character development, emotional impact, thematic depth, narrative inconsistencies, and the story’s core philosophical conflict. It helps identify what’s resonating, what needs refinement, and how the script aligns with professional standards.

Screenplay Insights

Breaks down your script along various categories.

Overall Score: 7.64
Key Suggestions:
To improve the script from a creative and craft perspective, focus on deepening the backstories and motivations of supporting characters like Major Todd and Corporal Thompson to make their arcs more nuanced and emotionally resonant, while refining the pacing of emotional and action sequences to allow for greater introspection and tension building. Additionally, clarify key plot elements and character motivations to enhance overall narrative coherence and audience engagement, drawing from the script's strong foundation in main character development and thematic depth.
Story Critique

Big-picture feedback on the story’s clarity, stakes, cohesion, and engagement.

Key Suggestions:
To elevate 'The Twelfth Moon' from a solid sci-fi script to a compelling masterpiece, focus on refining the narrative craft by reducing exposition-heavy dialogue to allow for more organic character interactions and emotional depth. Clarify the motivations behind key elements like Soladar and the antagonists to strengthen plot coherence, and ensure character arcs are fully realized for a more satisfying resolution. These adjustments will enhance audience engagement and make the story's themes of loss and sacrifice resonate more powerfully.
Characters

Explores the depth, clarity, and arc of the main and supporting characters.

Key Suggestions:
The character analysis highlights opportunities to enhance the script's emotional depth and narrative engagement by focusing on character backstories and arcs. For instance, developing protagonists like Cain and Pace with more nuanced internal conflicts and vulnerabilities can create stronger audience connections, while ensuring supporting characters like Crimmage and Thompson have clearer growth paths will prevent them from feeling one-dimensional. Incorporating these elements can elevate the sci-fi genre's typical action-driven plot into a more character-centric story, making the themes of sacrifice and truth more resonant and impactful.
Emotional Analysis

Breaks down the emotional journey of the audience across the script.

Key Suggestions:
To enhance the script's emotional depth and engagement, focus on diversifying emotional tones to avoid repetitive dread and introduce moments of hope and intellectual curiosity. Build intensity gradually with nuanced transitions, deepen secondary character arcs for better empathy, and layer emotions to reflect internal conflicts, ensuring a more balanced and immersive narrative that sustains audience investment without overwhelming them with constant negativity.
Goals and Philosophical Conflict

Evaluates character motivations, obstacles, and sources of tension throughout the plot.

Key Suggestions:
The script's goal and conflict structure effectively drives Carla Cain's character arc, evolving her from a truth-seeking individual to a sacrificial leader, which strengthens thematic depth. To enhance craft, focus on tightening the pacing around key revelations, ensuring emotional beats like her family flashbacks are more integrated to avoid feeling episodic, and amplify internal monologues to heighten philosophical tensions, making the story more immersive and resonant for audiences.
Themes

Analysis of the themes of the screenplay and how well they’re expressed.

Key Suggestions:
The script's thematic core of corruption and the quest for truth is compelling, but to elevate it creatively, focus on deepening character emotional arcs, such as Carla Cain's personal loss, to make the story more resonant and less reliant on exposition. Enhance craft by integrating more subtle symbolism, like the Starcrash action figure, to reinforce themes without overwhelming the narrative, ensuring a tighter pace and stronger audience connection through relatable human elements amid the sci-fi spectacle.
Logic & Inconsistencies

Highlights any contradictions, plot holes, or logic gaps that may confuse viewers.

Key Suggestions:
The script's core sci-fi thriller elements are engaging, but inconsistencies in character arcs, such as Carla Cain's abrupt sacrifice, and story logic, like the unexplained moon behavior, weaken its impact. To improve, focus on building emotional depth with better foreshadowing, ensuring scientific elements are consistently applied, and reducing redundancies in dialogue and flashbacks to create a tighter, more believable narrative that enhances audience immersion and emotional resonance.

Scene Analysis

All of your scenes analyzed individually and compared, so you can zero in on what to improve.

Scene-Level Percentile Chart
Hover over the graph to see more details about each score.
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Other Analyses

Writer Exec

This section looks at the extra spark — your story’s voice, style, world, and the moments that really stick. These insights might not change the bones of the script, but they can make it more original, more immersive, and way more memorable. It’s where things get fun, weird, and wonderfully you.

Unique Voice

Assesses the distinctiveness and personality of the writer's voice.

Key Suggestions:
The script's voice excels in merging technical sci-fi elements with emotional depth, creating engaging narratives, but to improve, focus on ensuring this balance is consistent across all scenes to avoid overemphasizing action or introspection, which could enhance character development and pacing. Drawing from the best scene's success, amplify moments that integrate mystery and personal stakes to deepen audience connection and maintain suspense throughout.
Writer's Craft

Analyzes the writing to help the writer be aware of their skill and improve.

Key Suggestions:
The screenplay effectively builds suspense and character dynamics in a sci-fi setting, but to enhance its craft, focus on refining dialogue for greater authenticity and subtext, tightening pacing to sustain tension in action and emotional scenes, and deepening character backstories to strengthen motivations and arcs. These improvements will make the narrative more immersive and emotionally resonant, elevating the overall storytelling.
Memorable Lines
Spotlights standout dialogue lines with emotional or thematic power.
Tropes
Highlights common or genre-specific tropes found in the script.
World Building

Evaluates the depth, consistency, and immersion of the story's world.

Key Suggestions:
The script's world-building effectively creates a tense, immersive sci-fi environment that drives plot and character development, but to enhance creative craft, focus on refining the portrayal of Soladar to avoid over-reliance on mysterious elements, ensuring it integrates seamlessly with character arcs and themes. Deepen cultural and societal aspects, such as personal rituals and military hierarchies, to add emotional layers and avoid clichés, making the narrative more engaging and original. Additionally, leverage the physical environment's dangers to heighten suspense and thematic depth, encouraging a balance between action and introspection for a more compelling story.
Correlations

Identifies patterns in scene scores.

Key Suggestions:
The script demonstrates strong skills in building tension and emotional depth through high-stakes and mysterious tones, effectively driving plot and intrigue, but it could be improved by addressing weaknesses in expository and informative sections, where emotional engagement and conflict often lag. Enhancing dialogue to better convey tension and ensuring more consistent character development across all scenes would create a more balanced narrative, preventing pacing issues and fostering deeper audience connections, ultimately making the story more compelling and character-driven.
Loglines
Presents logline variations based on theme, genre, and hook.

Comparison with Previous Draft

See how your script has evolved from the previous version. This section highlights improvements, regressions, and changes across all major categories, helping you understand what revisions are working and what may need more attention.

Version Comparison Analysis
Summary of Changes
Improvements (4)
  • Premise - premiseClarity: 6.0 → 7.5 +1.5
  • Premise - hookStrength: 7.0 → 8.5 +1.5
  • Premise - contributionToNarrative: 7.0 → 8.0 +1.0
  • Story Structure - pacing: 7.0 → 8.0 +1.0
Areas to Review (0)

No regressions detected