Until Tomorrow
A devoted husband grapples with the agonizing reality of his wife's locked-in syndrome, balancing his love for her with the needs of his children and the pressures of life.
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Unique Selling Point
The screenplay stands out for its unique portrayal of a locked-in syndrome patient’s internal struggle and the emotional toll on her family, offering a fresh perspective on grief and resilience. Its focus on the silent communication between Tom and Marna adds depth, making it compelling for audiences who appreciate character-driven narratives.
AI Verdict & Suggestions
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Recommend
Recommend
Recommend
Recommend
Story Facts
Genres: Drama, Family, drama, family
Setting: Contemporary, St. Luke's Hospital and Tom and Marna's home
Themes: Love and Commitment, Grief and Loss, Communication and Connection, Resilience and Hope, Financial and Work Stress
Conflict & Stakes: Tom's struggle to cope with Marna's locked-in syndrome and the emotional impact on their family, with the stakes being Marna's potential recovery and the family's emotional well-being.
Mood: Somber and poignant, with moments of warmth and hope.
Standout Features:
- Unique Hook: The portrayal of locked-in syndrome and the internal struggle of a character who is aware but unable to communicate.
- Emotional Depth: The exploration of grief, love, and family dynamics in the face of a loved one's illness.
- Character Development: Tom's journey from despair to hope as he navigates his wife's condition and his role as a father.
Comparable Scripts: The Fault in Our Stars, A Walk to Remember, Me Before You, The Notebook, Still Alice, The Diving Bell and the Butterfly, The Time Traveler's Wife, Ordinary People, Life as We Know It
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Until Tomorrow Synopsis
Synopsis
In 'Until Tomorrow', we follow the poignant journey of Tom Maloney, a devoted husband and father, as he grapples with the emotional turmoil of his wife Marna's severe illness. The story unfolds in the sterile environment of St. Luke's Hospital, where Marna lies in a state of 'locked-in syndrome', fully aware yet unable to communicate or move. Tom, weary yet unwavering, visits her daily, bringing a single red rose as a symbol of his enduring love. Despite the grim reality of her condition, Tom clings to hope, believing in the possibility of a miracle.
As Tom navigates the challenges of his wife's illness, he also faces the pressures of daily life, including his demanding job and the needs of their two young children, Judy and Ethan. The screenplay captures the delicate balance between his responsibilities as a father and his devotion to Marna. Through flashbacks, we glimpse the couple's happier times—wedding day, the birth of their children, and cherished vacations—contrasting sharply with the present. These memories serve as a bittersweet reminder of what they once had and what is at stake.
Tom's interactions with Nurse Debbie, who provides care for Marna, reveal the harsh realities of the medical world. Debbie, compassionate yet realistic, urges Tom to consider the possibility that Marna may never recover. This advice weighs heavily on him, as he struggles with the idea of moving on while still holding onto hope for his wife. Marna, in her own voiceover, expresses her desire for Tom to find happiness again, even as she fights to communicate her love and support for him and their children.
The emotional climax occurs when Tom receives a call from Nurse Debbie informing him of Marna's passing shortly after he leaves her side. This devastating moment forces Tom to confront his grief and the reality of life without Marna. The screenplay poignantly illustrates the theme of love transcending physical limitations, as Tom reflects on the last moments he felt Marna's presence, believing he heard her voice whispering goodbye.
In the aftermath of Marna's death, Tom must navigate the complexities of single parenthood while keeping Marna's memory alive for their children. The film concludes on a note of bittersweet acceptance, as Tom learns to embrace the joy of his children while carrying the weight of his loss. The final scenes depict him finding solace in the small moments of life, suggesting that while Marna may be gone, her love continues to guide him.
'Until Tomorrow' is a heartfelt exploration of love, loss, and the enduring bonds of family, capturing the essence of what it means to hold onto hope in the face of despair.
Script Level Analysis
This section delivers a top-level assessment of the screenplay’s strengths and weaknesses — covering overall quality (P/C/R/HR), character development, emotional impact, thematic depth, narrative inconsistencies, and the story’s core philosophical conflict. It helps identify what’s resonating, what needs refinement, and how the script aligns with professional standards.
Screenplay Insights
Story Critique
Characters
Emotional Analysis
Goals and Philosophical Conflict
Logic & Inconsistencies
Scene Analysis
All of your scenes analyzed individually and compared, so you can zero in on what to improve.
Analysis of the Scene Percentiles
- Character development is a standout feature, with a high characters rating of 93.40, indicating well-crafted and engaging characters.
- Emotional impact is exceptionally high at 98.98, suggesting the screenplay effectively resonates with audiences on an emotional level.
- The structure score is also strong at 98.87, indicating a well-organized narrative that likely follows a compelling arc.
- The conflict level is notably low at 13.45, suggesting a need for more tension and stakes to drive the narrative forward.
- Engagement score is very low at 10.73, indicating that the screenplay may not be capturing the audience's attention effectively.
- Unpredictability score is also low at 6.21, which may lead to a predictable storyline that could benefit from more twists and surprises.
The writer appears to be intuitive, with high scores in character and dialogue, but lower scores in concept and plot elements.
Balancing Elements- To enhance engagement, the writer should focus on increasing conflict and stakes, which are currently low.
- Improving unpredictability could involve introducing unexpected plot developments or character decisions.
- While character development is strong, balancing this with a more compelling plot could create a more cohesive narrative.
Intuitive
Overall AssessmentThe screenplay has strong character development and emotional resonance, but it requires significant work on conflict, engagement, and unpredictability to reach its full potential.
How scenes compare to the Scripts in our Library
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Percentile | Before | After |
---|---|---|---|---|
Scene Internal Goal | 8.57 | 99 | Gladiator: 8.48 | John wick: 8.74 |
Scene Emotional Impact | 9.1 | 99 | The pianist : 9.0 | Squid Game: 9.1 |
Script Structure | 8.71 | 99 | Silence of the lambs: 8.69 | the black list (TV): 8.73 |
Scene Characters | 8.8 | 93 | No time to die: 8.7 | Deadpool: 8.8 |
Scene Overall | 8.7 | 89 | Trumbo: 8.6 | the black list (TV): 8.7 |
Scene Formatting | 8.71 | 85 | the black list (TV): 8.70 | The whale: 8.79 |
Scene External Goal | 7.61 | 83 | Interstellar: 7.60 | Gladiator: 7.61 |
Scene Character Changes | 7.6 | 82 | Synecdoche, NY: 7.5 | Dr. Jekyll and Mr Hyde : 7.6 |
Scene Plot | 8.3 | 76 | There will be blood : 8.2 | the boys (TV): 8.3 |
Scene Dialogue | 8.1 | 70 | Leaving Las Vegas: 8.0 | Mr. Smith goes to Washington: 8.1 |
Scene Concept | 8.3 | 69 | Synecdoche, NY: 8.2 | the 5th element: 8.3 |
Script Emotional Impact | 8.00 | 66 | The Truman Show: 7.90 | the 5th element: 8.00 |
Script Visual Impact | 7.90 | 65 | The Truman Show: 7.80 | Titanic: 7.90 |
Scene Pacing | 8.32 | 60 | The Truman Show: 8.31 | The usual suspects: 8.32 |
1 | 50 | - | Get Out: 1 | |
Script Characters | 7.90 | 38 | Le souvenir des belles choses: 7.80 | Arsenic and old lace : 7.90 |
Script Premise | 7.90 | 37 | Zootopia: 7.80 | fight Club: 7.90 |
Scene High Stakes | 6.9 | 33 | Silicon Valley: 6.8 | Arsenic and old lace : 6.9 |
Script Theme | 8.00 | 32 | Bonnie and Clyde: 7.90 | A Quiet Place: 8.00 |
Script Conflict | 7.20 | 30 | Mr Robot: 7.10 | There's something about Mary: 7.20 |
Scene Story Forward | 7.8 | 29 | baby girl: 7.7 | Birdman: 7.8 |
Script Originality | 7.60 | 22 | A Quiet Place: 7.50 | Requiem for a dream: 7.60 |
Scene Originality | 8.29 | 18 | Promising young woman: 8.26 | The shining: 8.29 |
Scene Conflict Level | 6.5 | 13 | The Greatest Showman: 6.4 | groundhog day: 6.5 |
Overall Script | 7.71 | 11 | 10 things I hate about you: 7.68 | Easy A: 7.75 |
Scene Engagement | 8.68 | 10 | A real pain : 8.65 | Pinocchio: 8.68 |
Script Structure | 7.20 | 8 | Le souvenir des belles choses: 7.10 | Shaun of the Dead: 7.20 |
Scene Unpredictability | 6.86 | 6 | Manchester by the sea: 6.79 | Swingers: 6.87 |
471 | 0 | - | - |
Other Analyses
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Unique Voice
Writer's Craft
Memorable Lines
World Building
Unique Voice
Writer's Craft
Memorable Lines
World Building
Comparison With Previous Version
Changes
Table of Contents
- Character Complexity - characterArcs 2
- Character Complexity - characterDiversity 1
- Character Complexity - antagonistDevelopment 1
- Premise - premiseDepth 1
- Story Structure - resolutionSatisfaction 1
- Pacing 0
Character Complexity - characterArcs
Score Change: From 7 to 9 (2)
Reason: The revision significantly improved Tom's character arc by providing more nuanced emotional responses and a clearer sense of his journey from grief to acceptance. The old revision showed Tom's grief, but the arc felt somewhat underdeveloped. The new revision adds crucial scenes that show Tom's interactions with his children and his internal reflections. These additions provide more insight into his emotional processing and his gradual acceptance of Marna's condition, leading to a more satisfying and complete arc. For example, the scene where he recalls memories of Marna while visiting her in the hospital (New Revision, Sequence 1) adds emotional depth and shows his love and acceptance of loss. Additionally, his actions and words in the aftermath of Marna's passing (New Revision, Sequence 11 & 12) demonstrate his transition to a place of peace and resilience.
Examples:- Old Scene: Scene 1, Scene 8, New Scene: Scene 1, Scene 11, Scene 12 - The new revision adds scenes that demonstrate Tom's evolving emotional state, showcasing his internal conflict and acceptance of Marna's condition. The old revision left these aspects relatively vague, leaving his arc feeling incomplete.
- Scene: Scene 3, Scene 4, Scene 5, Scene 6 - While the scenes with the children remained largely the same, the new revision emphasizes Tom's interactions with them in a way that underscores his resilience and his focus on continuing to love and care for them, strengthening the emotional impact of his character development. Tom's new responses demonstrate his growing acceptance of his circumstances.
- Type: general - The added scenes and revisions to existing dialogue in the new revision give more insight into Tom's internal struggles, showing a clearer and more developed path through his grief.
Character Complexity - characterDiversity
Score Change: From 6 to 7 (1)
Reason: The improvement in this criterion is subtle but noticeable. While the core family remains central, the new revision provides slightly more depth to supporting characters, particularly Nurse Debbie. In the old revision, Nurse Debbie is almost a functional character, merely informing Tom of Marna's condition. In contrast, the new version gives her more emotionally resonant lines and interactions, revealing her own compassion and understanding of the family's grief. This minor shift in characterization adds to the overall complexity of the narrative and gives a slightly more diverse representation of viewpoints.
Examples:- Old Scene: Scene 1, Scene 8, New Scene: Scene 1, Scene 11 - Nurse Debbie's role is expanded in the new revision. She is no longer simply an information deliverer, but actively participates in emotionally charged scenes, adding to her character's depth and increasing the diversity of perspectives.
Character Complexity - antagonistDevelopment
Score Change: From 5 to 6 (1)
Reason: The increase reflects a more defined and nuanced portrayal of the antagonist, which in this case is primarily the locked-in syndrome itself, as well as the secondary antagonist, Tom's lack of financial security. The old revision largely presented the antagonist as an abstract concept (grief and loss). The new revision, however, introduces tangible challenges, such as financial stress (Sequences 2 and 3), adding an external pressure that amplifies Tom’s internal conflict. This external pressure serves as a concrete antagonist, making the conflict more palpable and less abstract.
Examples:- Old Scene: , New Scene: Scene 2, Scene 3 - The addition of scenes depicting Tom's financial struggles introduces a concrete external conflict, thereby enhancing the antagonist's presence and strengthening the overall narrative tension.
Premise - premiseDepth
Score Change: From 9 to 8 (1)
Reason: The revision slightly reduced the premise depth despite adding complexity to some aspects. While the old version effectively explored the main themes, the new revision, while adding financial stress, slightly diluted the focus on the core emotional core. The added financial subplot, while realistic, might detract somewhat from the central theme of grief and resilience. The old revision had a more singular, focused emotional depth, while the new version has divided the emphasis between emotional and financial hardship, making the primary theme slightly less prominent.
Examples:- Type: general - The introduction of financial difficulties as a subplot slightly detracts from the central theme of grief and resilience, making the overall premise slightly less focused on the core emotional journey.
Story Structure - resolutionSatisfaction
Score Change: From 8 to 7 (1)
Reason: The revision slightly worsened the resolution satisfaction. While the old revision provided a satisfying conclusion to Tom's journey, the new revision leaves the emotional aftermath less clearly resolved. The old revision's ambiguity regarding Marna's death had a profound emotional effect. The new revision, while emotionally impactful, lacks the same level of resonant ambiguity that the previous version succeeded in conveying. The new addition of Tom hearing Marna's voice before her death creates a supernatural element that, while potentially interesting, isn't fully integrated and lacks the subtle emotional impact of the earlier, more ambiguous ending.
Examples:- Scene: Scene 11 - The added supernatural element of Tom hearing Marna's voice before her death is not fully developed in the new revision and, arguably, makes the emotional resolution of the film less impactful. While the old ending provided a subtle, poignant, and ambiguous close, the new ending adds a detail that distracts from the pure emotional impact of the scene.
Pacing
Score Change: From 6 to 6 (0)
Reason: The pacing remains relatively unchanged. While suggestions for improvement were made in both revisions, the actual implementation of changes to improve pacing seems to have had minimal impact, based on the consistent scores. The screenplay continues to have some scenes that could benefit from tightening for better emotional impact.
Examples:- Type: general - Despite suggestions for improvement in both revisions, the screenplay continues to have some pacing issues, with some scenes feeling drawn out or rushed, indicating that more substantive changes are needed to address this consistently identified weakness.
Engine: Gemini
Recommend
Executive Summary
This short film, 'Until Tomorrow,' offers a poignant and emotionally resonant exploration of grief, love, and acceptance in the face of terminal illness. While technically proficient, subtle improvements in pacing and character development would elevate its impact. The core emotional narrative is strong, particularly its unique perspective on the locked-in syndrome. However, some aspects of the narrative could be more subtly communicated for a heightened emotional resonance.
- The emotional core of the story, centered around Marna's locked-in syndrome and Tom's unwavering devotion, is powerfully conveyed. The scene where Marna's condition is revealed and the final scene where Tom experiences the emotional release are particularly effective. high ( Scene 1 Scene 10 )
- The screenplay excels at creating realistic and relatable characters. Tom's internal conflict is palpable; he's shown as a loving husband and father grappling with grief and financial pressures. The children are believably portrayed, especially their innocent questions about their mother. high ( Scene 1 Scene 6 Scene 7 Scene 9 )
- The ending is both satisfying and bittersweet. The ambiguity surrounding Marna's final moments leaves room for interpretation while providing a sense of closure for Tom. The scenes showing Tom's quiet reflection and eventual acceptance offer a realistic and nuanced portrayal of grief. high ( Scene 5 Scene 12 )
- The use of Marna's voiceover effectively conveys her internal thoughts and feelings, allowing the audience to connect with her experiences despite her physical limitations. This technique adds depth and empathy to the narrative. medium ( Scene 1 )
- The screenplay effectively utilizes visual storytelling, particularly in the flash images of Tom's memories and the contrasting visual details in the hospital and home settings to underscore the emotional changes in Tom. These visuals contribute significantly to the overall emotional impact of the story. medium ( Scene 1 Scene 10 )
- The pacing in scenes outside the hospital feels rushed and underdeveloped. More time should be spent establishing the weight of Tom's financial struggles and their impact on the family dynamic. Scenes 2, 3, and 4 could benefit from more subtle storytelling to achieve the same impact with a lesser number of pages. medium ( Scene 2 Scene 3 Scene 4 )
- While the emotional core is strong, the screenplay could benefit from subtler expression of the characters' internal emotional states and the depth of their relationships. This would allow for a more gradual build-up of emotion, enhancing the climax's impact. medium ( Scene 1 Scene 10 )
- The code blue scene, while dramatic, could be handled with more subtle tension. The rapid succession of events might feel slightly overwhelming. low ( Scene 11 )
- More background on Marna's illness and prognosis could enhance audience empathy and understanding. A brief scene showing Tom processing the diagnosis early on would add depth. medium
- The screenplay effectively uses symbolism, particularly the red rose and the changing weather, to mirror Tom's emotional journey. This is a skillful technique that enhances the overall narrative impact. medium
- Emotional pacing The script sometimes rushes through emotionally significant moments, such as Tom's internal struggle with his work and family obligations. This needs careful pacing to ensure that every moment has the opportunity to resonate with the audience. medium
Engine: Claude
Recommend
Executive Summary
The short screenplay "Until Tomorrow" is a poignant and emotionally-charged exploration of love, loss, and the power of human connection. Through the story of Tom and Marna Maloney, the screenplay effectively navigates the complex challenges of dealing with a devastating medical condition, the impact on a family, and the resilience of the human spirit. With its consistent themes, well-developed characters, and compelling narrative, the screenplay demonstrates the writer's advanced screenwriting skills and the potential for a powerful, impactful short film.
- The screenplay excels at character development, providing a deep and nuanced exploration of the Maloney family's emotional states and the impact of Marna's condition on their relationships. The scenes that focus on Tom's interactions with his children effectively convey the family's love, grief, and resilience. high ( Scene 1 (INT. HOSPITAL ROOM 474 — DAY — CONTINUOUS) Scene 6 (INT. TOM AND MARNA'S HOUSE — NIGHT) Scene 8 (INT. KIDS' BEDROOMS — LATER) )
- The screenplay's handling of the medical crisis and Marna's condition is both realistic and emotionally impactful. The scenes in the hospital create a sense of tension and urgency, while also highlighting the character's reactions and the difficult decisions they face. high ( Scene 1 (INT. HOSPITAL ROOM 474 — DAY — CONTINUOUS) Scene 10 (INT. ST. LUKE'S HOSPITAL — DAY) Scene 11 (INT. HOSPITAL ROOM 474 — DAY — CONTINUOUS) )
- The screenplay's use of visual storytelling and symbolic elements, such as the wilted rose petals and the changing weather, effectively convey the emotional state of the characters and the thematic undercurrents of the story. medium ( Scene 5 (EXT. HOSPITAL — DAY) Scene 12 (EXT. ST. LUKE'S HOSPITAL — DAY) )
- The climactic sequence in the hospital room, where Marna's condition takes a turn for the worse, is a well-crafted and emotionally-charged moment that showcases the writer's ability to build tension and deliver a powerful, impactful resolution. high ( Scene 11 (INT. HOSPITAL ROOM 474 — DAY — CONTINUOUS) )
- The final sequence, where Tom receives the news of Marna's passing and experiences a profound moment of connection with her, is a touching and well-executed conclusion that ties the narrative together and leaves a lasting emotional impact on the audience. high ( Scene 14 (INT. MALONEY HOUSE — DAY) )
- The sequence set in Tom's house, while providing important context about the family's financial struggles, could be further developed to better integrate this subplot into the overall narrative and character arcs. medium ( Scene 3 (INT. TOM AND MARNA'S HOUSE — DAY) )
- The brief scene at Tom's workplace could be expanded or more strongly connected to the central themes and character development to enhance the overall narrative. low ( Scene 2 (INT. INTERNATIONAL SOLUTIONS — DAY) )
- While the screenplay effectively conveys Marna's internal perspective through her voiceover, additional exploration of her subjective experience and inner thoughts could further deepen the audience's connection to her character and the emotional impact of her condition. medium ( Scene 1 (INT. HOSPITAL ROOM 474 — DAY — CONTINUOUS) )
- The screenplay's handling of the supernatural/spiritual elements, such as Tom's perceived connection with Marna's voice, is a notable and intriguing aspect that could be further explored or emphasized to enhance the thematic depth of the story. medium ( Scene 11 (INT. HOSPITAL ROOM 474 — DAY — CONTINUOUS) Scene 14 (INT. MALONEY HOUSE — DAY) )
- The screenplay's effective use of contrasting emotional beats, such as the somber hospital scenes and the moments of levity and warmth in the family home, creates a well-balanced and compelling narrative rhythm. high ( Scene 1 (INT. HOSPITAL ROOM 474 — DAY — CONTINUOUS) Scene 6 (INT. TOM AND MARNA'S HOUSE — NIGHT) )
- Lack of Diverse Perspectives While the screenplay effectively explores the emotional journey of the Maloney family, it could potentially benefit from incorporating more diverse perspectives or experiences related to the medical condition and its impact on families. Expanding the narrative to include additional characters or storylines from different backgrounds could enhance the screenplay's overall representational scope and relatability. medium
- Underdeveloped Subplots The subplot involving Tom's financial struggles and work obligations, while relevant to the overall narrative, could be further developed to better integrate it into the character arcs and thematic exploration. Strengthening the connection between this subplot and the central conflict could help to create a more cohesive and compelling story. medium
Engine: DeepSeek
Recommend
Executive Summary
The screenplay 'Until Tomorrow' is a poignant exploration of love, loss, and resilience, centered around a man's unwavering devotion to his paralyzed wife. The narrative is emotionally compelling, with strong character arcs and thematic depth. While the pacing is generally effective, some scenes could benefit from tighter editing. The screenplay's unique selling proposition lies in its heartfelt portrayal of a family's struggle and the subtle supernatural elements that hint at a deeper connection between the characters.
- The use of voice-over for Marna's inner thoughts effectively conveys her locked-in state and emotional turmoil, adding depth to her character. high ( Scene 1 (INT. HOSPITAL ROOM 474 — DAY — CONTINUOUS) )
- The family interactions are heartwarming and authentic, providing a strong emotional anchor for the story. high ( Scene 6 (INT. TOM AND MARNA’S HOUSE — NIGHT) )
- The tension and emotional impact of the code blue scene are well-executed, creating a pivotal moment in the narrative. high ( Scene 10 (INT. ST. LUKE’S HOSPITAL — DAY) )
- The subtle supernatural hint of Marna's voice after her death adds a unique and poignant layer to the story. medium ( Scene 12 (EXT. ST. LUKE’S HOSPITAL — DAY) )
- The resolution is emotionally satisfying, tying together the themes of love and loss effectively. high ( Scene 14 (INT. MALONEY HOUSE — DAY) )
- The workplace scene feels somewhat disconnected from the main narrative and could be integrated more seamlessly. medium ( Scene 2 (INT. INTERNATIONAL SOLUTIONS — DAY) )
- The pacing in this scene drags slightly, and the emotional impact could be heightened with tighter editing. low ( Scene 5 (EXT. HOSPITAL — DAY) )
- The morning routine scene could benefit from more visual storytelling to enhance its emotional resonance. medium ( Scene 9 (INT. KITCHEN — DAY — CONTINUOUS) )
- A deeper exploration of the kids' emotional journey and their understanding of their mother's condition is missing. medium
- More backstory on Tom and Marna's relationship before her paralysis would add depth to their current dynamic. low
- The contrast between Marna's inner voice and her physical immobility is a powerful narrative device. high ( Scene 1 (INT. HOSPITAL ROOM 474 — DAY — CONTINUOUS) )
- The framed photos on the wall serve as a subtle yet effective reminder of the family's past happiness. medium ( Scene 7 (INT. STAIRCASE — MOMENTS LATER) )
- Emotional Depth in Secondary Characters The kids' perspectives and emotional journeys are somewhat underdeveloped, missing opportunities to deepen the narrative. medium
- Overuse of Voice-Over While Marna's voice-over is effective, it is occasionally overused, which can dilute its impact. low
Engine: GPT4
Recommend
Executive Summary
The screenplay 'Until Tomorrow' effectively explores themes of love, loss, and hope through the poignant journey of Tom and Marna Maloney. The character arcs are well-developed, particularly Tom's struggle between his devotion to Marna and his responsibilities as a father. The narrative is compelling, though it could benefit from a more dynamic pacing in certain sequences. Overall, the screenplay is emotionally resonant and showcases strong character development, making it a worthwhile read for industry professionals.
- The emotional depth of Marna's character is effectively conveyed through her internal monologue, allowing the audience to empathize with her plight despite her physical limitations. high ( Scene 1 (INT. HOSPITAL ROOM 474) Scene 10 (INT. ST. LUKE’S HOSPITAL) )
- The interactions between Tom and the children provide a necessary contrast to the hospital scenes, showcasing the warmth of family life amidst the backdrop of grief. high ( Scene 6 (INT. KIDS’ BEDROOMS) Scene 14 (INT. MALONEY HOUSE) )
- The use of visual imagery and symbolism, such as the red rose, effectively enhances the emotional stakes and represents Tom's love and hope. medium ( Scene 4 (EXT. HOSPITAL) Scene 5 (EXT. HOSPITAL) )
- The climax of the screenplay is powerful, capturing the urgency and desperation of Tom's situation, which heightens the emotional impact. high ( Scene 11 (INT. HOSPITAL ROOM 474) )
- The depiction of Tom's struggle to balance work and family responsibilities adds realism and relatability to his character, grounding the narrative. medium ( Scene 2 (INT. INTERNATIONAL SOLUTIONS) )
- The pacing in the early scenes could be tightened to maintain engagement, as some moments feel drawn out and could benefit from more dynamic dialogue. medium ( Scene 3 (INT. TOM AND MARNA’S HOUSE) )
- The transition between Tom's emotional turmoil and his interactions with the children could be smoother to avoid jarring shifts in tone. medium ( Scene 12 (EXT. ST. CATHERINE’S ELEMENTARY) )
- The urgency of the hospital scenes could be amplified with more immediate stakes or consequences to enhance tension. high ( Scene 10 (INT. ST. LUKE’S HOSPITAL) )
- More background on Tom and Marna's relationship could enrich the audience's understanding of their bond and the stakes involved. medium ( Scene 1 (EXT. ST. LUKE’S HOSPITAL) )
- The emotional weight of Tom's responsibilities could be explored further to deepen the audience's connection to his character. medium ( Scene 9 (INT. KITCHEN) )
- There is a lack of exploration into how the children are coping with their mother's condition, which could add depth to the family dynamic. high ( Scene 8 (INT. KIDS’ BEDROOMS) )
- The aftermath of Marna's passing is not fully explored, leaving a gap in the emotional resolution for Tom and the children. high ( Scene 14 (INT. MALONEY HOUSE) )
- More insight into Tom's work life and how it affects his emotional state could provide a fuller picture of his character. medium ( Scene 2 (INT. INTERNATIONAL SOLUTIONS) )
- The role of Nurse Debbie could be expanded to provide a more nuanced view of the healthcare system and its impact on families. medium ( Scene 11 (INT. HOSPITAL ROOM 474) )
- The emotional impact of the 'code blue' scene could be heightened with more focus on Tom's internal conflict during the crisis. high ( Scene 10 (INT. ST. LUKE’S HOSPITAL) )
- The use of voiceover for Marna provides a unique perspective that enhances the emotional depth of the narrative. high ( Scene 1 (INT. HOSPITAL ROOM 474) )
- The symbolism of the rose throughout the screenplay serves as a poignant reminder of love and hope amidst despair. medium ( Scene 5 (EXT. HOSPITAL) )
- The contrast between Tom's hospital visits and his home life effectively highlights the duality of his experience as a caregiver. high ( Scene 4 (EXT. HOSPITAL) )
- The moment of joy when Tom picks up his children adds a layer of complexity to his character, showcasing his resilience. medium ( Scene 12 (EXT. ST. CATHERINE’S ELEMENTARY) )
- The children's innocence and optimism serve as a counterbalance to the heavy themes of the screenplay, providing moments of levity. medium ( Scene 13 (EXT. ST. CATHERINE’S ELEMENTARY) )
- Character Depth While Tom's character is well-developed, Marna's internal struggles could be explored further to provide a more balanced perspective on their relationship. medium
- Pacing Issues Some scenes feel overly drawn out, particularly in the early sequences, which could lead to a loss of momentum in the narrative. medium
Screenplay Insights:
Characters: 7.9, The screenplay 'Until Tomorrow' effectively develops its characters, particularly Tom, who embodies resilience and emotional depth in the face of loss. The arcs of Tom, Judy, and Ethan are compelling, showcasing their growth and emotional struggles. However, there are opportunities to enhance character complexity and relatability, particularly in supporting characters like Nurse Debbie and the boss, to create a richer narrative experience. See More
Premise: 7.9, The screenplay 'Until Tomorrow' effectively establishes a compelling premise centered around themes of love, loss, and resilience. The emotional depth of Tom's character and his interactions with his children and wife create a strong foundation for audience engagement. However, enhancing the clarity of certain narrative elements and refining the emotional stakes could further elevate its impact. See More
Structure: 7.2, The screenplay 'Until Tomorrow' effectively captures the emotional journey of its characters, particularly Tom, as he navigates the complexities of grief and family dynamics. The structure is coherent, with a clear progression of events that maintain audience engagement. However, there are areas for improvement, particularly in pacing and the resolution of conflicts, which could enhance the overall impact of the narrative. See More
Theme: 8.0, The screenplay 'Until Tomorrow' effectively conveys themes of love, loss, and resilience through its poignant narrative and character arcs. The emotional depth is palpable, particularly in Tom's journey as he navigates his wife's illness and the impact on their family. However, there are opportunities to enhance the clarity and integration of these themes, particularly in balancing the emotional weight with moments of levity and hope. See More
Visual Impact: 7.9, The screenplay 'Until Tomorrow' effectively utilizes visual imagery to convey deep emotional themes of love, loss, and resilience. The vivid descriptions create a poignant atmosphere that resonates with the audience, particularly through the symbolism of the red rose and the contrasting settings of the hospital and home. However, there are opportunities to enhance the visual storytelling by incorporating more dynamic imagery and varied settings to further engage viewers. See More
Emotional Impact: 8.0, The screenplay 'Until Tomorrow' effectively elicits emotional responses through its poignant portrayal of love, loss, and resilience. The depth of character development, particularly Tom's journey through grief, resonates strongly with the audience. However, there are opportunities to enhance emotional depth by further exploring the children's perspectives and incorporating more moments of vulnerability and connection between characters. See More
Conflict: 7.2, The screenplay effectively presents conflict and stakes through Tom's emotional journey and the impact of Marna's condition on their family. However, there are opportunities to enhance narrative tension by deepening the stakes surrounding Tom's responsibilities and the children's emotional arcs. By integrating more immediate threats and exploring the consequences of Tom's choices, the screenplay can elevate audience engagement. See More
Originality: 7.6, The screenplay 'Until Tomorrow' showcases a poignant exploration of grief, love, and resilience through its emotionally rich narrative and well-developed characters. Its originality lies in the unique portrayal of a locked-in syndrome patient and the profound internal struggles of her husband, Tom. The screenplay effectively balances moments of light-heartedness with deep emotional weight, creating a compelling and relatable story that resonates with audiences. See More
Screenplay Story Analysis
Note: This is the overall critique. For scene by scene critique click here
Summaries
- In a poignant scene at St. Luke's Hospital, Tom Maloney, a devoted husband in his 50s, visits his wife Marna, who is trapped in her body due to locked-in syndrome. He replaces an old rose with a new one and attempts to connect with her by reading a children's book, unaware of her internal struggle to communicate. Nurse Debbie informs him of Marna's unchanged condition, and Tom reflects on their past while praying for her recovery. Despite the nurse's suggestion to limit his visits, Tom resolves to return daily, believing Marna can hear him. The scene captures the emotional turmoil of love, longing, and despair, ending with Tom leaving the hospital, oblivious to Marna's silent plea for him to stay.
- Tom arrives late to work and faces his boss's concerns about his punctuality, especially due to personal issues with Marna. Acknowledging his tardiness, Tom promises to improve and even offers to work extra hours. The boss emphasizes the need for Tom to be on time but shows understanding by suggesting he take the rest of the day off to spend with his children, resolving the tension between work responsibilities and family needs.
- In the kitchen, Tom is overwhelmed by financial stress as he faces unpaid bills on his computer. His children, Judy and Ethan, burst in with excitement, eager to play. Despite their enthusiasm, Tom gently explains he needs to finish his work, leading to a playful exchange about the burdens of adulthood. The scene captures the contrast between Tom's worries and the joyful innocence of his children, ending on a warm note as he reassures them that they will play another day.
- In a hospital room, Tom visits Marna, placing a rose by her bedside and attempting to engage her in conversation about their children, particularly Ethan. Despite his heartfelt efforts, Marna remains unresponsive, prompting Tom to read from her favorite book, The Mayor of Casterbridge. After a tender kiss, he reluctantly leaves for work, his footsteps echoing in the silence, symbolizing the emotional distance between them.
- Tom exits the hospital, grappling with his grief over a lost future with a loved one. As he reflects on their memories, he holds a red rose, recalling that they would have preferred tulips. Despite the cold wind, he sits in his car, hesitating to start the engine, and silently vows to return the next day, embodying his internal struggle with loss and longing.
- In the cozy living room of Tom and Marna's home, Tom enjoys a playful board game night with his children, Judy and Ethan. Laughter fills the air as Ethan makes a mistake during the game, but the mood shifts when he inquires about their mother, revealing their underlying concern. Tom reassures them about her well-being, promising to provide updates, before guiding the children to bed after a heartfelt embrace, blending moments of joy with poignant emotional depth.
- Tom leads his children, Judy and Ethan, up the staircase, providing comfort during a difficult moment as they grapple with the uncertainty surrounding Marna's condition. Ethan innocently asks if Marna can still dream, prompting a heartfelt exchange about their hopes for her. Upon reaching the top, Tom turns on the hallway light, revealing framed photos that evoke cherished memories of Marna, leading him to reflect on their past together. The scene captures a somber yet hopeful tone as Tom contemplates the emotional weight of their situation.
- In a bittersweet nighttime scene, Tom lovingly tucks his children, Judy and Ethan, into bed, sharing tender moments that highlight their connection to their absent mother. Ethan presents a drawing for her, while Judy playfully reminds Tom of her favorite color, leading to a heartfelt exchange. After saying goodnight, Tom returns to his room, where he struggles with his grief, ultimately succumbing to his emotions as he curls up and cries into his pillow.
- In a sunlit kitchen, Tom prepares breakfast for his children, Ethan and Judy, while grappling with the emotional weight of their mother's absence. Judy's complaint about unstrained orange juice prompts Tom to promise improvement, while Ethan expresses his longing for their mother, affecting Tom deeply. After the kids leave for school, Tom is left alone, feeling their absence but finds a moment of solace in a syrup stain on his shirt, which brings a genuine smile amidst his bittersweet emotions.
- Tom struggles up the stairs of St. Luke's Hospital, battling knee pain and shallow breaths as he rushes to Marna's room. An urgent 'code blue' announcement for Room 474 heightens his anxiety, prompting a chaotic response from medical staff. In his haste, he drops the rose he intended for her, symbolizing his emotional turmoil as he races against time to reach her.
- In a tense hospital room, Tom anxiously waits as doctors attempt to revive his wife, Marna, using defibrillator paddles. After several failed attempts, the heart monitor finally shows signs of life, bringing Tom to tears. He shares a heartfelt farewell with Marna, expressing his love, while her voiceover conveys her wishes for his happiness. Nurse Debbie gently guides Tom away to allow Marna to rest, but in a moment of panic, he remembers their children and rushes out of the room.
- Tom leaves St. Luke's Hospital feeling uplifted by a gentle breeze and a whisper he hears. He shares a positive exchange with a passerby who notices his good mood. Initially declining a cab ride to enjoy the sunny weather, Tom suddenly remembers he needs to pick up his kids and calls the cab driver back, embracing his responsibility while maintaining his newfound positivity.
- Tom waits outside St. Catherine’s Elementary School, rubbing his hands to keep warm. As the children emerge, he kneels to hug them, showing his affection. Judy asks about their mother's health, and Tom reassures her that there is hope for improvement. The scene ends with the family getting into the car and heading home, embodying warmth and optimism despite the uncertainty surrounding their mother's condition.
- In the Maloney house, Tom answers a phone call from Nurse Debbie, who delivers the devastating news of Marna's death at 10:58. Shocked and reflective, Tom grapples with the weight of her passing and the significance of their last moments together, realizing she may have said goodbye just before she died. The scene captures Tom's emotional turmoil as he stares blankly at the wall, symbolizing his grief and the finality of loss.
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Character Tom
Description Tom's sudden shift from deep despair and grief to almost carefree joy in sequence 12 feels jarring and lacks sufficient emotional transition. The change is driven by plot convenience rather than believable character arc. His immediate acceptance of a cab ride after expressing his preference to walk also feels inconsistent with his previously established character.
( Scene 5 Scene 12 ) -
Character Nurse Debbie
Description Nurse Debbie's immediate and almost callous response to Marna's death feels somewhat out of character given her earlier compassionate portrayal. While possible, it lacks nuance and could benefit from further development to make it feel more believable.
( Scene 11 )
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Description The central conflict hinges on whether Marna can hear and understand Tom. Nurse Debbie's pronouncements on this are inconsistent. Initially, she indicates Marna is unaware, then later, in the climax, it's implied Marna communicates through the seemingly involuntary muscle contraction which is then seemingly refuted again. This ambiguity undermines the emotional impact and creates a plot hole surrounding Marna’s level of awareness.
( Scene 1 Scene 11 ) -
Description The film relies heavily on the ambiguous nature of Marna's condition. While this allows for emotional ambiguity, the lack of conclusive medical evidence about Marna's condition throughout makes the events feel somewhat arbitrary. More clarity, or at least a stronger suggestion of a diagnosis, would strengthen the narrative.
( Scene 1 Scene 11 )
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Description Marna's final voiceover suggests a peaceful acceptance of death. However, her earlier desperate attempts to communicate contradict this peaceful acceptance, creating a narrative inconsistency. The sudden turnaround, especially after the flatline, feels abrupt and lacks emotional preparation.
( Scene 11 )
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Description The children's dialogue, while cute, feels somewhat overly precocious and lacks the natural spontaneity of children their age. Their understanding of adult concerns seems unrealistic.
( Scene 3 ) -
Description The boss's dialogue feels somewhat generic and lacks specific detail. It feels more like plot exposition than natural conversation.
( Scene 2 )
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Element Repeated emphasis on Marna's inability to communicate
( Scene 1 Scene 4 Scene 7 )
Suggestion Streamline the constant reiteration of Marna's locked-in state. The initial setup is sufficient; subsequent mentions can be subtle or implied through Marna's V.O. and Tom's reactions. -
Element Tom's daily visits and emotional responses
( Scene 1 Scene 4 )
Suggestion Instead of showing Tom's daily routine, focus on a few key visits that highlight emotional shifts or significant plot points. Show, don't tell, his emotional state through actions and subtle expressions.
Characters in the screenplay, and their arcs:
Character | Arc | Critique | Suggestions |
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Tom | Throughout the short, Tom's character arc follows his journey from a state of profound grief and anxiety over his wife's condition to a place of acceptance and hope. Initially, he is overwhelmed by the responsibilities of caring for his children while grappling with the impending loss of Marna. As the story progresses, Tom learns to express his emotions more openly, allowing himself to connect with his children and reminisce about the love he shares with Marna. By the end of the short, he finds a renewed sense of purpose in honoring his wife's memory while fostering a supportive environment for his children, ultimately transforming his grief into a source of strength and resilience. | While Tom's character arc is compelling, it may benefit from a clearer progression of emotional milestones. The short format can limit the depth of character development, so it's crucial to ensure that each scene effectively conveys his internal struggles and growth. The emotional transitions may feel rushed if not carefully crafted, potentially leaving the audience wanting more depth in his journey. | To improve Tom's character arc within the constraints of a short screenplay, consider focusing on a few key emotional moments that encapsulate his journey. Use visual storytelling techniques, such as flashbacks or symbolic imagery, to convey his memories with Marna and the impact of her absence. Additionally, incorporate a pivotal moment where Tom confronts his grief, allowing for a more pronounced transformation. This could be a scene where he shares a heartfelt memory with his children, reinforcing the theme of love and resilience. By honing in on these critical moments, the audience can better connect with Tom's emotional journey and the overall narrative. |
Judy | Judy's character arc begins with her playful and carefree nature, where she is primarily focused on fun and games. As the story unfolds, she becomes increasingly aware of her family's struggles, particularly her mother's absence. This awareness prompts her to take on a more supportive role, showcasing her empathy and maturity. By the end of the short, Judy has transformed from a carefree child into a more thoughtful and emotionally aware individual, capable of providing comfort and stability to her family during difficult times. Her journey reflects a balance between maintaining her youthful spirit while also embracing the responsibilities that come with caring for her loved ones. | While Judy's character arc is compelling, it may feel rushed given the short format. The transition from a playful child to a more mature and empathetic figure could benefit from more gradual development. The emotional shifts may come across as abrupt, potentially leaving the audience wanting a deeper exploration of her feelings and experiences. | To improve Judy's character arc within the constraints of a short screenplay, consider incorporating a pivotal moment that highlights her emotional growth. This could be a specific event or interaction that catalyzes her transition from innocence to maturity. Additionally, using visual storytelling elements, such as her expressions or actions in response to her family's situation, can convey her internal changes without relying heavily on dialogue. This approach would allow the audience to connect with Judy's journey more profoundly while maintaining the short format. |
Ethan | Throughout the short, Ethan's character arc follows his journey from a carefree and playful boy to one who begins to understand the complexities of his family's situation. Initially, he copes with his mother's absence through humor and play, but as the story progresses, he confronts his feelings of vulnerability and longing. By the end, Ethan learns to express his emotions more openly, finding comfort in his family and using his creativity to connect with his mother, even in her absence. This transformation highlights his growth from innocence to a deeper understanding of love and loss. | Ethan's character arc is compelling, showcasing his innocence and resilience in the face of adversity. However, given the short format, the arc may feel rushed or underdeveloped if not carefully crafted. The emotional transitions might need more emphasis to ensure the audience fully grasps his journey. Additionally, while his playful nature is well-established, the moments of vulnerability could be more pronounced to create a stronger emotional impact. | To improve Ethan's character arc within the constraints of a short screenplay, consider focusing on a few key moments that highlight his emotional journey. For instance, include a pivotal scene where he creates a piece of art that symbolizes his feelings about his mother, allowing for a visual representation of his internal struggle. Additionally, incorporate dialogue that captures his playful spirit while also revealing his deeper emotions, ensuring that the audience can connect with his vulnerability. Lastly, a brief but impactful resolution that showcases his newfound understanding of love and connection could solidify his growth without requiring extensive backstory. |
Primary Theme: The enduring power of love and commitment in the face of profound loss and grief.
How Multiple Themes Interact: The screenplay explores several interconnected themes that all serve to strengthen the primary theme. The financial struggles and work-related stress highlight the challenges Tom faces while simultaneously demonstrating his unwavering dedication to his family. The children's innocence and their questions about their mother emphasize the depth of the family bond and the impact of Marna's illness. These supporting themes create a richer, more nuanced portrayal of Tom's love and commitment, making the ultimate loss all the more poignant and impactful. There's no conflict between themes; rather, they work in harmony to build emotional resonance.
Theme | Theme Details | Theme Explanation | Primary Theme Support | ||||||||||||
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Love and Commitment (35%) | Tom's unwavering devotion to Marna, even in her unresponsive state, is the central emotional core of the film. He consistently visits her, reads to her, and shares updates about their lives, demonstrating a deep and lasting love. | This theme explores the nature of love that transcends physical limitations and continues even in the face of death. It showcases the enduring power of emotional connection and the strength of a marriage bound by decades of shared life. | This is a foundational theme, directly supporting the primary theme by illustrating the depth and resilience of Tom's love and commitment, even in the face of devastating circumstances. | ||||||||||||
Strengthening Love and Commitment:
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Grief and Loss (30%) | The screenplay vividly portrays the stages of grief Tom experiences, from denial and hope to despair and acceptance. His emotional journey is complex, showing the various ways loss manifests itself. The film also captures the children's naive understanding of their mother's condition and their subsequent grief. | This theme explores the emotional toll of losing a loved one, showcasing the raw pain, the struggle for acceptance, and the ongoing process of healing. The film delves into both the immediate reaction to loss and the long-term impact it has on a family. | Grief is the inevitable consequence of losing a loved one, and its presence emphasizes the significance of the love and commitment Tom holds for Marna. The contrast highlights the power of their connection. | ||||||||||||
Communication and Connection (15%) | Marna's inability to communicate creates a central conflict. Tom's efforts to connect with her, despite her locked-in syndrome, and the children's attempts to understand and express their feelings underscore the importance of open communication within the family. | This theme highlights the challenges of communicating during difficult times and the importance of finding ways to connect even when words fail. The silent communication between Tom and Marna emphasizes the power of non-verbal cues and unspoken feelings. | The struggle to communicate highlights the strength of the bond. Tom’s persistence shows the profound love that persists despite the inability to directly communicate. | ||||||||||||
Resilience and Hope (10%) | Despite the overwhelming sadness and challenges, Tom continues to show resilience. His daily visits to Marna, his commitment to his children, and his eventual acceptance of Marna’s death demonstrate a capacity to endure hardship and find moments of hope. | This theme underscores the human capacity to cope with adversity and find strength in difficult situations. The film emphasizes the importance of maintaining hope even when facing seemingly insurmountable challenges. | Tom's resilience and hope showcase the strength of his character, further strengthening the overall message of love's enduring power, even after loss. Hope acts as a counterpoint to grief, enriching the overall narrative. | ||||||||||||
Financial and Work Stress (10%) | Tom's financial difficulties and struggles at work create additional stress and pressure on him. This subplot adds a layer of realism to the narrative, showing the multifaceted challenges Tom faces while caring for his family. | This theme demonstrates how life's pressures can weigh heavily on individuals and adds realism to the emotional toll of caring for a loved one with a serious illness. | This theme underscores the selflessness of Tom’s love and commitment. Despite these hardships, he remains devoted to Marna and his children, emphasizing his profound love and commitment. |
Screenwriting Resources on Themes
Articles
Site | Description |
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Studio Binder | Movie Themes: Examples of Common Themes for Screenwriters |
Coverfly | Improving your Screenplay's theme |
John August | Writing from Theme |
YouTube Videos
Title | Description |
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Story, Plot, Genre, Theme - Screenwriting Basics | Screenwriting basics - beginner video |
What is theme | Discussion on ways to layer theme into a screenplay. |
Thematic Mistakes You're Making in Your Script | Common Theme mistakes and Philosophical Conflicts |
Emotional Analysis
Emotional Variety
Critique
- The screenplay leans heavily on sadness (scenes 1, 4, 5, 8, 11, 14) and compassion, with limited emotional diversity. Joy peaks at intensity 6–7 in scenes 3, 6, and 9 but is often overshadowed by grief, creating tonal monotony.
- Scenes 2, 7, and 12 attempt lighter moments (e.g., Tom’s work interaction, children’s play) but lack sustained contrast. Warmth is frequently undercut by melancholy, denying the audience emotional respite.
- Marna’s locked-in syndrome dominates the emotional palette, leaving little room for anger, humor, or hope beyond fleeting instances (e.g., scene 12’s breeze). Sub-emotions like nostalgia (scene 9) or relief (scene 11) are underutilized.
Suggestions
- Introduce brief moments of dark humor in Tom’s interactions (e.g., scene 3: Ethan could mock Tom’s burnt pancakes to lighten financial stress while retaining pathos).
- Add a flashback in scene 1 or 5 showing Marna’s pre-illness vibrancy (e.g., her dancing with Tom) to contrast her current state, layering joy with grief.
Emotional Intensity Distribution
Critique
- Intensity peaks abruptly in scenes 10–11 (code blue, resuscitation) after prolonged mid-level sadness (scenes 1–9), risking audience fatigue. Scene 14’s grief feels inevitable but rushed.
- Scenes 4 and 8 repeat Tom’s hospital visits with near-identical sadness (intensity 9–10), numbing impact. Scene 13’s hopeful tone clashes with the preceding trauma of scene 11.
- Low-intensity scenes (2, 12) are too brief to counterbalance highs. Scene 5’s parking-lot reflection (sadness 10) lacks buildup, overwhelming viewers early.
Suggestions
- Trim one hospital visit (scene 4 or 8) to reduce repetition. Replace with a scene showing Tom’s progress (e.g., him teaching Judy to cook Marna’s recipe—bittersweet pride).
- Extend scene 12’s calm after Marna’s death: show Tom pausing to hear birdsong, letting relief (intensity 5) temper grief before the phone call.
Empathy For Characters
Critique
- Marna’s agency is limited to voiceovers (scenes 1, 11). Her locked-in syndrome risks reducing her to a symbol rather than a person—audiences pity her but lack deeper connection.
- The children’s grief is surface-level (scene 6’s board game, scene 9’s orange juice). Judy’s optimism feels repetitive; Ethan’s drawing (scene 8) could reveal more vulnerability.
- Nurse Debbie’s compassion (scenes 1, 11) isn’t personalized. Her backstory (e.g., losing a patient before) could deepen her dynamic with Tom.
Suggestions
- Scene 7: Add a close-up of Marna’s eye tracking Tom’s photos, paired with her internal monologue (“I was there, picking tulips for Ethan’s birth—he doesn’t know”), humanizing her beyond suffering.
- Scene 9: Let Judy find Marna’s old scarf, sparking a tantrum (“She’s not coming back!”) before Tom comforts her—escalating her arc from hope to raw grief.
Emotional Impact Of Key Scenes
Critique
- Scene 11’s resuscitation lacks Marna’s POV during defibrillation—her voiceover arrives late, diluting the climax. Tom’s panic about the kids distracts from their farewell.
- Scene 14’s death call is abrupt. Tom’s silent reaction (sadness 10) needs physicality—e.g., collapsing against the wall, visualizing Marna’s empty hospital bed.
- Scene 5’s rose/tulip revelation (sadness 10) is underdeveloped. The disconnect between Tom’s gesture and Marna’s preference needs earlier setup to maximize irony.
Suggestions
- Scene 11: Intercut Marna’s voiceover (“Let me go, my love”) with each defibrillator shock. End with Tom’s tear hitting her cheek as he kisses her—tactile closure.
- Scene 5: Earlier, show Tom buying roses while passing a tulip field (scene 1), highlighting his oversight. In scene 14, have him plant tulips post-funeral.
Complex Emotional Layers
Critique
- Tom’s grief is one-note (sadness 8–10). Missing subtext: guilt over working late pre-illness (scene 2), resentment toward Marna’s condition, or relief at her death freeing him.
- Scene 12’s uplift (joy 7) feels unearned. His smile lacks contradiction—add a trembling hand on the cab door, showing grief and relief coexisting.
- Children’s emotions are simplistic (longing/sadness). Judy’s humor (scene 6) could mask fear—e.g., nervously rearranging game pieces to avoid asking about Marna.
Suggestions
- Scene 8: As Tom cries, show him angrily crumpling a bill (financial stress) before softening—layering grief, rage, and guilt.
- Scene 12: When Tom hears Marna’s whisper, superimpose her ghostly hand brushing his shoulder, mixing comfort and haunting regret.
Additional Critique
Underutilized Symbolism
Critiques
- The recurring rose (scenes 1, 4, 10) lacks thematic payoff. Its wilting (scene 5) isn’t contrasted with Marna’s vitality pre-illness.
- St. Luke’s Hospital’s name (evangelist symbolizing healing) is ironic but underexplored. No scenes show Tom questioning faith/medicine.
- The staircase (scenes 1, 7, 10) symbolizes struggle but lacks variation—Tom could stumble in scene 1, then ascend steadily post-death (scene 14).
Suggestions
- Scene 14: End with Tom placing tulips (not roses) on Marna’s grave, the petals blowing toward St. Luke’s—visual closure to the floral motif.
- Add a stained-glass Luke in hospital (scene 10)—Tom glances at it while running, muttering “Where’s your miracle?”
Pacing of Emotional Revelations
Critiques
- Marna’s locked-in syndrome is revealed immediately (scene 1), robbing later scenes of discovery. Her awareness could be hinted (e.g., flickering eyelids) but confirmed later.
- Tom’s financial stress (scene 3) lacks escalation. Later, repo threats (scene 9) could force him to sell Marna’s piano, compounding grief.
- The children’s understanding of death is static. Scene 13’s hope (“she’s getting better”) clashes with their prior awareness (scene 6).
Suggestions
- Delay Marna’s POV until scene 4. In scene 1, focus on Tom’s false hope; her internal screams are revealed later, shocking audiences.
- Scene 9: Have repo men take the car as Tom cooks, witnessed by Judy—externalizing financial collapse to heighten stakes.
Goals and Philosophical Conflict | |
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internal Goals | Throughout the script, the protagonist, Tom, experiences a profound journey of internal goals that evolve from clinging to hope for his wife's recovery to grappling with grief and the need for emotional resilience. Initially, he seeks connection, love, and assurance; as the narrative progresses, he navigates acceptance, closure, and the heavy responsibility of parenting alone after losing Marna. |
External Goals | Tom's external goals evolve around providing for his family and ensuring they have stability amid personal turmoil. Initially, he struggles with understanding Marna's medical condition and later reflects on maintaining job security and parental responsibilities, eventually focusing on raising his children without their mother. |
Philosophical Conflict | The overarching philosophical conflict in the screenplay revolves around hope versus acceptance. Tom must reconcile his desire to hold onto hope for Marna's recovery with the painful reality of her condition and eventual passing. This tension shapes his emotional landscape and propels his character development. |
Character Development Contribution: The evolution of Tom's goals illustrates a deepening complexity within his character. His journey from denial and hope to acceptance and responsibility enhances his emotional depth, making him a more relatable and multifaceted character. His internal struggles mirror the external crises he faces, thus enriching his development.
Narrative Structure Contribution: Tom's goals and conflicts drive the narrative forward, creating a structured arc where each scene builds upon his emotional trajectory. The external pressures of work and parenting interlace with his internal turmoil, producing a narrative that resonates with themes of love, loss, and resilience.
Thematic Depth Contribution: The interplay between Tom's goals and philosophical conflicts contributes to the thematic depth of the screenplay. Themes of love, the fragility of life, the nature of hope, and the permanence of loss are explored through his experiences, inviting the audience to reflect on their own understandings of connection and acceptance.
Screenwriting Resources on Goals and Philosophical Conflict
Articles
Site | Description |
---|---|
Creative Screenwriting | How Important Is A Character’s Goal? |
Studio Binder | What is Conflict in a Story? A Quick Reminder of the Purpose of Conflict |
YouTube Videos
Title | Description |
---|---|
How I Build a Story's Philosophical Conflict | How do you build philosophical conflict into your story? Where do you start? And how do you develop it into your characters and their external actions. Today I’m going to break this all down and make it fully clear in this episode. |
Endings: The Good, the Bad, and the Insanely Great | By Michael Arndt: I put this lecture together in 2006, when I started work at Pixar on Toy Story 3. It looks at how to write an "insanely great" ending, using Star Wars, The Graduate, and Little Miss Sunshine as examples. 90 minutes |
Tips for Writing Effective Character Goals | By Jessica Brody (Save the Cat!): Writing character goals is one of the most important jobs of any novelist. But are your character's goals...mushy? |
Compelled to Read | Story Content | Character Development | Scene Elements | Audience Engagement | Technical Aspects | |||||||||||||||||
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Click for Full Analysis | Tone | Overall | Scene Impact | Concept | Plot | Originality | Characters | Character Changes | Internal Goal | External Goal | Conflict | Opposition | High stakes | Story forward | Twist | Emotional Impact | Dialogue | Engagement | Pacing | Formatting | Structure | |
1 - Silent Plea Improve | Heartbreaking, Hopeful, Desperate | 8.5 | 9 | 8 | 8 | 9 | 9 | 8 | 8 | 7 | 7 | 7 | 7 | 7 | 7 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 8 | 8 | 8 | |
2 - A Day for Family Improve | Serious, Reflective, Concerned | 8.5 | 6 | 8 | 8 | 8 | 9 | 8 | 8 | 7 | 7 | 7 | 8 | 8 | 6 | 9 | 8 | 8 | 8 | 9 | 9 | |
3 - Balancing Bills and Bonding Improve | Anxious, Playful, Responsible | 8.2 | 7 | 9 | 8 | 8 | 9 | 7 | 8 | 7 | 7 | 7 | 8 | 8 | 6 | 9 | 8 | 8 | 8 | 8 | 8 | |
4 - Silent Longing Improve | Emotional, Reflective, Heartfelt | 8.5 | 7 | 8 | 8 | 8 | 9 | 7 | 9 | 8 | 6 | 7 | 6 | 7 | 7 | 9 | 8 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 9 | |
5 - A Promise in the Wind Improve | Melancholic, Reflective, Hopeful | 8.5 | 8 | 8 | 8 | 8 | 9 | 7 | 9 | 7.5 | 6 | 8 | 6 | 7 | 7 | 9 | 7 | 8.5 | 8.5 | 9 | 9 | |
6 - A Game of Hearts Improve | heartwarming, bittersweet, nostalgic | 8.5 | 7 | 8 | 8 | 8 | 9 | 7 | 9 | 8 | 6 | 7 | 5 | 7 | 7 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 9 | |
7 - Stairway to Memories Improve | Emotional, Reflective, Heartfelt | 8.5 | 8 | 8 | 8 | 9 | 9 | 7 | 9 | 8 | 6 | 7 | 7 | 8 | 7 | 9 | 8 | 9 | 8 | 8 | 8 | |
8 - Tender Goodnights Improve | Heartfelt, Emotional, Reflective | 9.2 | 8 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 8 | 9 | 8 | 7 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 7 | 10 | 9 | 9 | 8 | 9 | 9 | |
9 - Morning Reflections Improve | Heartfelt, Reflective, Sincere | 8.5 | 7 | 8 | 8 | 9 | 9 | 7 | 9 | 8 | 5 | 7 | 4 | 6 | 7 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 8 | 9 | 9 | |
10 - Urgent Descent Improve | Tension, Emotional, Urgency | 9.2 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 7 | 9 | 8 | 8 | 9 | 9 | 8 | 9 | 9 | 8 | 10 | 8 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 9 | |
11 - A Heartbeat Away Improve | Emotional, Heart-wrenching, Tender | 9.2 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 8 | 9 | 8 | 9 | 9 | 8 | 10 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 9 | |
12 - A Change of Heart Improve | Reflective, Hopeful, Heartwarming | 8.5 | 7 | 8 | 8 | 8 | 9 | 8 | 8 | 7 | 4 | 7 | 5 | 7 | 6 | 9 | 8 | 8 | 8 | 9 | 9 | |
13 - A Warm Embrace of Hope Improve | Hopeful, Heartwarming, Emotional | 8.5 | 7 | 8 | 8 | 8 | 9 | 7 | 8 | 7 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 6 | 9 | 8 | 9 | 8 | 8 | 8 | |
14 - A Final Goodbye Improve | Heartbreaking, Reflective, Emotional | 9.2 | 0 | 9 | 9 | 8 | 9 | 8 | 9 | 7 | 7 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 7 | 10 | 9 | 8 | 8 | 9 | 9 |
Summary of Scene Level Analysis
Here are insights from the scene-level analysis, highlighting strengths, weaknesses, and actionable suggestions.
Some points may appear in both strengths and weaknesses due to scene variety.
Tip: Click on criteria in the top row for detailed summaries.
Scene Strengths
- Emotional depth of characters
- Authentic character interactions
- Poignant dialogue
- Strong thematic resonance
- Character development
Scene Weaknesses
- Limited external conflict
- Slow plot progression
- Minimal dialogue
- Reliance on internal monologue
- Potential for melodrama if not handled delicately
Suggestions
- Introduce external conflict to enhance narrative tension and stakes.
- Pace the plot more effectively by incorporating varied scene dynamics and external actions.
- Increase dialogue quantity and impact to maintain viewer engagement and depth of character interaction.
- Balance internal monologues with more dynamic scenes to prevent stagnation and keep audiences invested.
- Handle emotional moments with subtlety to avoid melodrama, ensuring authenticity remains at the forefront.
Scene 1 - Silent Plea
The #1 Rule of Screenwriting: Make your reader or audience compelled to keep reading.
“Grab ‘em by the throat and never let ‘em go.”
The scene level score is the impact on the reader or audience to continue reading.
The Script score is how compelled they are to keep reading based on the rest of the script so far.
The scene ends with a powerful cliffhanger. Tom leaves, believing Marna cannot hear him, while Marna is internally pleading with him to stay, desperately trying to communicate. The visual of Marna's silent struggle and Tom's oblivious departure creates significant tension and leaves the reader questioning whether Marna's attempts to communicate were missed, and how Tom will react to this perceived lack of response in the future. The unresolved nature of Marna's condition and Tom's misunderstanding of her situation sets the stage for compelling developments in subsequent scenes.
The initial scene masterfully establishes a heartbreaking premise and immediately hooks the reader. The locked-in syndrome provides a unique and emotionally charged conflict. Marna's internal monologue, contrasting with Tom's actions, creates a compelling narrative tension. The unanswered questions—will Marna recover? Will Tom understand her plight?—ensure that the reader remains deeply invested in their story. The flashbacks offer glimpses of their past, adding depth to their relationship and further fueling the reader's desire to understand the future implications of Marna's condition.
Scene 2 - A Day for Family
The #1 Rule of Screenwriting: Make your reader or audience compelled to keep reading.
“Grab ‘em by the throat and never let ‘em go.”
The scene level score is the impact on the reader or audience to continue reading.
The Script score is how compelled they are to keep reading based on the rest of the script so far.
This scene offers a moderate level of compulsion to continue. While it doesn't end on a cliffhanger, it introduces a new conflict – Tom's professional struggles – which intertwines with his personal crisis. The boss's unexpected compassion, offering Tom time off, creates a slight sense of intrigue about how Tom will balance his work and family life, particularly given his financial worries. The resolution of the immediate conflict (tardiness) is swift, but the underlying tension of his financial and emotional burdens keeps the reader engaged. The scene leaves the reader curious about how Tom will manage these challenges.
The overall script maintains a strong hook despite this scene’s relatively low continuation score. The overarching narrative of Tom's devotion to his wife and children, juxtaposed with the impending tragedy, remains deeply compelling. The introduction of Tom's work problems adds another layer of complexity to his already stressful situation, increasing the stakes. The emotional weight of Marna's condition and the unresolved mystery of her silent pleas from the first scene continue to pull the reader forward. While this scene is brief and somewhat self-contained, it effectively expands the narrative scope and strengthens the reader's investment in Tom's character arc.
Scene 3 - Balancing Bills and Bonding
The #1 Rule of Screenwriting: Make your reader or audience compelled to keep reading.
“Grab ‘em by the throat and never let ‘em go.”
The scene level score is the impact on the reader or audience to continue reading.
The Script score is how compelled they are to keep reading based on the rest of the script so far.
The scene ends on a relatable note of a parent juggling work and family responsibilities, leaving the reader curious about how Tom will balance his financial worries with the needs of his children and his wife's ongoing situation. The children's questions about work and growing up inject a touch of lightheartedness, contrasting with the serious financial difficulties, which creates a compelling blend of emotions that pulls the reader to the next scene. The scene itself is fairly self-contained, but the juxtaposition of Tom's financial stress with the innocent joy of his children creates sufficient intrigue to maintain the reader's interest.
The overarching narrative of Tom's devotion to his wife and children, while struggling with immense personal and financial challenges, remains engaging. The previous scenes established the central conflict—Marna's illness and Tom's emotional and financial strain. This scene adds another layer by showing how Tom's responsibilities are impacting his ability to fully cope with Marna's condition. The unresolved questions surrounding Marna's health and Tom's ability to manage everything continue to propel the story forward. The lighthearted exchange between Tom and his children provides a welcome respite from the heavier emotional weight of the narrative, making the overall story more relatable and maintaining reader interest.
Scene 4 - Silent Longing
The #1 Rule of Screenwriting: Make your reader or audience compelled to keep reading.
“Grab ‘em by the throat and never let ‘em go.”
The scene level score is the impact on the reader or audience to continue reading.
The Script score is how compelled they are to keep reading based on the rest of the script so far.
The scene ends with a sense of quiet sadness and unresolved longing. Tom's departure leaves Marna's state unchanged, creating a lingering question about her condition and Tom's ability to connect with her. While the scene is emotionally resonant, the repetition of Tom's daily routine—visiting, reading, leaving—could become predictable if not broken up. The reader wants to know if Marna will ever respond, and how Tom's emotional state will continue to evolve. The mention of work adds a layer of external pressure, creating a small degree of suspense.
The overall narrative maintains a strong emotional core, focusing on Tom's devotion and Marna's silent suffering. The story effectively balances Tom's personal struggles at work and at home with his unwavering commitment to Marna. The unanswered question of Marna's responsiveness and the potential for a breakthrough or tragic ending keeps the reader engaged. The thread of Tom's financial difficulties and his children's well-being is also present, and readers will likely wonder how those plot lines will further influence Tom's capacity to cope and support his family. The potential for either a heartwarming resolution or a heartbreaking loss is what drives the script's ongoing power.
Scene 5 - A Promise in the Wind
The #1 Rule of Screenwriting: Make your reader or audience compelled to keep reading.
“Grab ‘em by the throat and never let ‘em go.”
The scene level score is the impact on the reader or audience to continue reading.
The Script score is how compelled they are to keep reading based on the rest of the script so far.
This scene ends on a poignant note, leaving the reader wanting to know what happens next. Tom's internal monologue reveals his grief and longing for his wife, creating a powerful emotional hook. The unresolved question of whether he will indeed return to the hospital the next day, coupled with the lingering image of him sitting in his car, creates suspense and compels the reader to move forward. The scene also subtly foreshadows Marna's future fate with the wilting rose petals, adding intrigue.
The overall script maintains a strong level of engagement. The central conflict—Tom's struggle with Marna's illness and his efforts to balance his family life—is consistently compelling. Each scene adds layers to his emotional journey, building sympathy and curiosity about the future. The unresolved tension surrounding Marna's condition remains a powerful hook, and the introduction of Tom's financial worries provides another layer of complexity. The scene's somber tone is skillfully counterbalanced with lighter moments involving the children, providing a satisfying mix of emotions that keeps the reader invested.
Scene 6 - A Game of Hearts
The #1 Rule of Screenwriting: Make your reader or audience compelled to keep reading.
“Grab ‘em by the throat and never let ‘em go.”
The scene level score is the impact on the reader or audience to continue reading.
The Script score is how compelled they are to keep reading based on the rest of the script so far.
The scene ends with a poignant question from the children about their mother, leaving the reader wanting to know Tom's response and the children's reactions. The brief moment of lightheartedness with the board game creates a contrast that emphasizes the underlying tension and unresolved grief. While the scene feels relatively self-contained, the children's questions about their mother directly hook the reader into wanting to see how Tom handles their concern and what, if anything, changes in Marna's condition. The unanswered questions about Marna's health and the children's emotional state create a compelling pull to the next scene.
The overarching narrative of Tom's struggle with Marna's illness and his attempts to balance his family life continues to hold the reader's attention. While the earlier scenes effectively establish this central conflict, this scene adds a layer of emotional depth by focusing on the children's perspective and their awareness of their mother's condition. The unresolved tension regarding Marna's health and the children's well-being keeps the reader engaged, and the juxtaposition of lighthearted moments with moments of somber reflection maintains a compelling emotional balance. The brief respite of the game is also important to showing the strength of the family.
Scene 7 - Stairway to Memories
The #1 Rule of Screenwriting: Make your reader or audience compelled to keep reading.
“Grab ‘em by the throat and never let ‘em go.”
The scene level score is the impact on the reader or audience to continue reading.
The Script score is how compelled they are to keep reading based on the rest of the script so far.
This scene effectively uses the children's innocent questions about their mother's dreams to heighten the emotional impact. The questions are poignant and leave the reader wondering about Marna's state and Tom's inner turmoil. The ending, with Tom staring at the photos, creates a lingering sense of melancholy and unresolved grief, strongly prompting the reader to continue to the next scene to see how Tom copes with these emotions and what happens next. The visual description of the photos adds another layer of emotional depth, further fueling the reader's curiosity.
The overall narrative maintains a strong hold on the reader through the consistent portrayal of Tom's emotional journey and the lingering mystery surrounding Marna's condition. Each scene contributes to the overarching theme of grief, loss, and the enduring strength of family bonds. While the focus remains primarily on Tom, the children's perspectives provide a fresh dimension and reinforce the emotional stakes. The unresolved question of Marna's fate, coupled with Tom's emotional fragility, creates significant suspense, ensuring that the reader remains invested in the story's progression.
Scene 8 - Tender Goodnights
The #1 Rule of Screenwriting: Make your reader or audience compelled to keep reading.
“Grab ‘em by the throat and never let ‘em go.”
The scene level score is the impact on the reader or audience to continue reading.
The Script score is how compelled they are to keep reading based on the rest of the script so far.
This scene, while emotionally poignant and well-executed, leaves the reader wanting more. The tender moments between Tom and his children, particularly the exchange about Marna's favorite color and the final whispered plea, "Don't cry," create a sense of unresolved emotional tension. The scene ends on a heartbreaking note, with Tom suppressing his grief, leaving the reader eager to see how he copes and what happens next. The quiet intimacy contrasts sharply with the potential emotional outburst, creating a powerful hook.
The overall script maintains a strong level of engagement. The emotional arc of Tom's grief is carefully built, and each scene contributes to a deeper understanding of his character and his situation. The unresolved tension regarding Marna's condition and Tom's emotional state are compelling hooks. The children's innocent questions about their mother add another layer of emotional depth, pushing the reader to anticipate the future. Although there’s a risk that dwelling too long on the emotional toll could become monotonous, the screenplay thus far expertly balances that with moments of lighter interaction.
Scene 9 - Morning Reflections
The #1 Rule of Screenwriting: Make your reader or audience compelled to keep reading.
“Grab ‘em by the throat and never let ‘em go.”
The scene level score is the impact on the reader or audience to continue reading.
The Script score is how compelled they are to keep reading based on the rest of the script so far.
This scene, while seemingly quiet, ends on a poignant note that leaves the reader wanting more. The children's requests to say hello and express their love to their mother create a powerful emotional hook, especially after the previous scenes' focus on Tom's internal struggles. The final image of Tom finding solace in a syrup stain, a small moment of genuine happiness amidst grief, is unexpectedly heartwarming and leaves the reader wondering about his upcoming interactions with Marna and how he will navigate his grief and his children's emotions. The contrast between the cheerful morning routine and the underlying sadness is effective in creating a compelling narrative.
The overall screenplay maintains a strong emotional core, expertly weaving between moments of lightheartedness and profound sadness. The story has effectively built a strong connection between the reader and Tom's emotional journey, leaving them invested in his well-being and the fate of his family. The unresolved tension surrounding Marna's condition and the children's emotional needs provides a compelling narrative drive. While there's some risk of the pacing feeling slow for some readers, this is partially balanced by the relatable depiction of Tom's grief and his relationship with his children. The emotional intensity of the previous scenes, particularly the potential farewell in scene 11, ensures this maintains momentum.
Scene 10 - Urgent Descent
The #1 Rule of Screenwriting: Make your reader or audience compelled to keep reading.
“Grab ‘em by the throat and never let ‘em go.”
The scene level score is the impact on the reader or audience to continue reading.
The Script score is how compelled they are to keep reading based on the rest of the script so far.
This scene creates a strong sense of urgency and suspense as Tom hears the 'code blue' announcement for Marna's room. The sudden shift from his slow, painful ascent to the hospital floor to the frantic rush of medical personnel heightens the stakes dramatically. The dropping of the rose symbolizes his emotional turmoil and the gravity of the situation, compelling the reader to want to know what happens next. The scene ends on a cliffhanger, leaving the reader anxious about Marna's fate and eager to continue.
Overall, the screenplay maintains a compelling narrative through the emotional struggles of Tom and the ongoing tension surrounding Marna's health. The recent scenes have built a strong emotional connection with the audience, and the introduction of the 'code blue' adds a new layer of urgency. However, while the immediate stakes are high, some earlier threads regarding Tom's coping mechanisms and family dynamics could be further explored to maintain momentum. The reader is still invested, but there is a risk of losing focus if these threads are not revisited soon.
Scene 11 - A Heartbeat Away
The #1 Rule of Screenwriting: Make your reader or audience compelled to keep reading.
“Grab ‘em by the throat and never let ‘em go.”
The scene level score is the impact on the reader or audience to continue reading.
The Script score is how compelled they are to keep reading based on the rest of the script so far.
This scene is highly compelling due to the intense emotional stakes involved in Marna's medical emergency. The urgency of the situation is palpable as Tom anxiously waits for news about his wife, and the tension escalates with each failed attempt to revive her. The scene effectively builds suspense, especially with the heart monitor flatlining and the doctors' defeated expressions. The moment when Tom is finally allowed to approach Marna adds a poignant layer, as he expresses his love while Marna's voiceover conveys her farewell, creating a deeply emotional connection that compels the reader to continue. The scene ends with Tom's panic about the children, leaving the audience eager to see how he will handle the aftermath of this crisis.
Overall, the screenplay maintains a strong emotional pull, particularly with the ongoing themes of love, loss, and family. The previous scenes have established Tom's deep connection to Marna and his struggle to support their children amidst their mother's illness. This scene heightens the stakes significantly, introducing a critical moment that could change everything for Tom and his family. While there are unresolved threads regarding Marna's fate and the children's emotional well-being, the introduction of new developments in this scene keeps the reader engaged. However, if the story does not address the children's reactions and Tom's coping mechanisms in the following scenes, there is a risk of losing momentum.
Scene 12 - A Change of Heart
The #1 Rule of Screenwriting: Make your reader or audience compelled to keep reading.
“Grab ‘em by the throat and never let ‘em go.”
The scene level score is the impact on the reader or audience to continue reading.
The Script score is how compelled they are to keep reading based on the rest of the script so far.
This scene, while relatively calm after the intense previous scene, ends on a cliffhanger of sorts. Tom's sudden rush to get a cab because it's almost noon and he needs to pick up his kids introduces a new sense of urgency and leaves the reader wondering if he'll make it on time, adding a layer of suspense. The previous scene's emotional turmoil has been somewhat resolved; his sudden need to rush introduces a new element. The overall sense of lightness and warmth in the scene are appealing, but the immediate need for Tom to rush introduces a final moment of tension.
The overall script maintains a strong emotional pull. The earlier scenes effectively built up the emotional weight of Tom's situation, and the events in the hospital create a significant turning point. While Marna's death is implied to be coming, the intense emotional climax of the previous scene, the brief moment of lightness in this scene, and the introduction of a new deadline concerning the children keep the reader engaged. The overall arc of Tom's grief and his efforts to cope, along with the looming uncertainty of his children's well-being, creates a compelling narrative thread. The final scenes promise a resolution that will be emotionally impactful, but the reader will want to see how Tom and the children react to Marna's death.
Scene 13 - A Warm Embrace of Hope
The #1 Rule of Screenwriting: Make your reader or audience compelled to keep reading.
“Grab ‘em by the throat and never let ‘em go.”
The scene level score is the impact on the reader or audience to continue reading.
The Script score is how compelled they are to keep reading based on the rest of the script so far.
This scene offers a heartwarming moment of reunion and hope, leaving the reader satisfied but wanting to know what happens next. The children's question about their mother's condition, and Tom's ambiguous answer ('Not yet, but maybe getting there'), creates a mild cliffhanger. While the scene is relatively short and self-contained, the unresolved question regarding Marna's health and the implication of their return home keeps the reader engaged and curious about what follows.
The overall script maintains a strong emotional pull, particularly due to the lingering uncertainty surrounding Marna's condition. The previous scenes have masterfully built the emotional weight of Tom's situation, and while there has been a brief moment of positive resolution with Marna's revival, the foreshadowing of her passing is a very effective overarching hook. The reader is now intensely curious about how Tom will react to the news of Marna's death, especially given the upbeat tone of this scene. The contrast makes the ending all the more impactful and makes the reader want to discover how this will affect Tom and his children.
Scene 14 - A Final Goodbye
The #1 Rule of Screenwriting: Make your reader or audience compelled to keep reading.
“Grab ‘em by the throat and never let ‘em go.”
The scene level score is the impact on the reader or audience to continue reading.
The Script score is how compelled they are to keep reading based on the rest of the script so far.
This scene, while emotionally impactful, doesn't leave the reader wanting more in the immediate sense. It provides a conclusive ending to Marna's story and Tom's emotional journey. The revelation of Marna's death and Tom's reflection on her final moments create a sense of closure rather than suspense or anticipation for a following scene. There are no cliffhangers or unanswered questions. The fade-out is final and complete. While the scene is powerful and resonant, its purpose is to provide resolution, not to propel the narrative forward.
The overall script ends with this scene, offering a complete and emotionally satisfying conclusion. All major plot points and character arcs are resolved. The finality of Marna's death and Tom's acceptance provide closure, eliminating any desire for continuation. While the story has strong emotional resonance, the lack of unresolved conflicts or unanswered questions means the script naturally ends here.
- Physical environment: The screenplay primarily unfolds within a limited set of locations: a modern suburban home, St. Luke's Hospital (including a specific room, 474), and a modern office. The hospital is depicted as sterile, quiet, and somber, contrasting sharply with the warmth and familiarity of the Maloney home, which ranges from the cozy living room during game nights to the cluttered kitchen reflecting financial strain. The office setting is modern and hierarchical.
- Culture: The cultural elements center on familial love and responsibility, underscored by strong family bonds and a commitment to caring for each other, even amidst considerable hardship. There's an implicit cultural expectation of punctuality and professionalism in the workplace. The overarching culture reveals a traditional family unit navigating grief and loss.
- Society: The societal structures depicted include the hierarchical nature of the workplace, the dynamics of a family unit facing financial difficulties and the death of a parent, the professional structure of a hospital, and the societal expectations around work, financial responsibility, and grief. The screenplay subtly showcases the societal impact of illness and death on the family unit.
- Technology: Technology is largely understated. The screenplay focuses more on human relationships than technological advancements. While modern conveniences like cars, elevators, telephones, and a heart monitor are present, they serve primarily as background elements and do not drive the narrative. The minimal technology reinforces the focus on emotional authenticity.
- Characters influence: The physical environments directly influence the characters' emotional states. The sterile hospital setting amplifies the feelings of vulnerability and helplessness for Marna and Tom's anxiety. The home, despite its financial struggles, provides a haven of warmth and love. The office setting creates tension and emphasizes the conflict between Tom's professional responsibilities and his family obligations. The overall minimalist technology allows the characters' emotions and relationships to take center stage.
- Narrative contribution: The world-building establishes the setting and context for the narrative, clearly delineating the spaces where significant events unfold. The contrast between the sterile hospital and the warm home amplifies the emotional weight of Marna's illness and death. The inclusion of the office scene highlights Tom's internal conflict and pressures. Each location contributes to the pacing and emotional arc of the story.
- Thematic depth contribution: The world-building significantly contributes to the thematic depth by creating a believable and emotionally resonant setting. The contrast between the sterile, impersonal hospital and the warm family home underlines the theme of love and loss. The financial struggles and workplace pressures deepen the themes of responsibility and the burden of caring. The limited technology reinforces the focus on the human element of the story, thereby heightening the emotional impact and thematic resonance.
Voice Analysis | |
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Summary: | The writer's voice is characterized by a poignant and intimate style, focusing on subtle emotional depth and realistic portrayals of family dynamics amidst significant hardship. The tone is consistently somber yet hopeful, balancing moments of quiet reflection with bursts of everyday life's normalcy. The voice effectively conveys complex emotions through understated dialogue, vivid sensory details, and a focus on internal character struggles. |
Voice Contribution | The writer's voice contributes to the script by creating an emotionally resonant and authentic experience for the audience. The intimate portrayal of family relationships and the realistic depiction of grief and loss enhance the thematic depth, making the narrative relatable and deeply moving. The subtle yet powerful emotional undercurrents build tension and suspense, while the moments of quiet reflection provide opportunities for emotional release and introspection. This approach effectively conveys the fragility of life and the power of human connection in the face of adversity. |
Best Representation Scene | 7 - Stairway to Memories |
Best Scene Explanation | Scene 7 best showcases the author's unique voice because it masterfully blends all three elements – dialogue, narrative, and direction – to create a profoundly moving moment. The dialogue, particularly Ethan's innocent question and Tom's hesitant yet hopeful response, captures the emotional core of the narrative. The narrative description uses evocative imagery and contrasts to heighten the emotional impact. The direction then focuses on subtle yet impactful details (Tom's expression, the lighting, his lingering gaze), creating a powerful and unforgettable scene that encapsulates the overall tone and themes of the screenplay. |
Style and Similarities
The screenplay demonstrates a consistent style characterized by a strong emphasis on intimate character studies, realistic dialogue, and emotional depth. It explores complex relationships, often within family units, and delves into everyday struggles and moments of quiet reflection. The narrative frequently prioritizes subtle emotional nuances and character-driven storytelling over high-stakes plot developments. While there are some scenes with higher tension, the overall tone remains grounded in realism and human experience.
Style Similarities:
Writer | Explanation |
---|---|
Richard Linklater | Linklater's influence is overwhelmingly present across numerous scenes. The recurring themes of intimate relationships, everyday life struggles, emotional honesty, and naturalistic dialogue in quiet settings directly align with many of the analyzed scenes. His name appears in almost half of the analyses, indicating a strong stylistic imprint. |
Greta Gerwig | Gerwig's style complements Linklater's, sharing a focus on intimate family dynamics, emotional depth, and authentic character interactions. Her contributions strengthen the overall focus on realistic portrayal of human relationships and emotional vulnerability which permeates the script. |
Other Similarities: While other writers like Charlie Kaufman and Aaron Sorkin appear in the analyses, their influence seems less pervasive compared to Linklater and Gerwig. The presence of Kaufman suggests moments of introspective character work and unique narrative structure, while Sorkin's influence suggests some scenes with crisper, more dialogue-driven tension. However, neither is as consistently present across the screenplay. The writer's advanced skill level is evident in the seamless blend of these stylistic elements to create a cohesive and compelling whole. The 'moderate changes' revision scope suggests room for further refinement, potentially exploring variations in pacing or narrative structure to maximize the impact of each stylistic choice. The positive feelings towards the script, coupled with the absence of specific challenges, indicate a strong foundation with areas of subtle refinement possible, rather than major structural overhaul.
Top Correlations and patterns found in the scenes:
Pattern | Explanation |
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High Concept Consistency | Across all scenes, the Concept score remains consistently high (8 or 9). This suggests a strong, engaging core idea that sustains interest throughout the screenplay. However, consider whether this consistency might lead to predictability. Exploring some scenes with slightly lower concept scores might inject unexpected twists or depth. |
Dialogue Strength and Emotional Impact Discrepancy | Scenes with consistently high Dialogue scores (8-10) often show lower Emotional Impact scores (4-7), particularly scenes 9, 12, and 13. This suggests that while the dialogue may be well-written, it isn't always effectively translating into emotional resonance for the audience. Focus on improving the connection between dialogue and emotional beats. Could more subtext or indirect communication enhance emotional depth? |
Plot and Character Interplay | The Plot and Character scores are very consistently high (mostly 8-9), indicating a strong narrative and well-developed characters. This consistency is a strength, showcasing a well-crafted story. However, explore whether deliberately creating some imbalance could heighten dramatic tension. Could a momentary weakness in either plot or character development create a more compelling arc? |
Emotional Impact and Conflict/High Stakes Correlation | There's a noticeable correlation between lower Emotional Impact scores and lower Conflict/High Stakes scores. Scenes with less intense conflict often lack strong emotional impact. Scenes 9 and 12 exemplify this. To improve, consider raising the stakes and intensifying conflicts in those scenes where the emotional impact is lacking. A well-placed obstacle or crisis could heighten emotional responses. |
Character Changes and Tone: A Subtle Shift | The Character Changes scores are generally high, indicating significant character development. Notice a subtle trend: scenes with 'heartbreaking,' 'hopeful,' or 'desperate' tones often have slightly lower Character Changes scores. Conversely, scenes with more reflective or heartfelt tones often see higher character development. Investigate if there's an opportunity to use emotionally challenging scenes to drive significant character growth by exploring the ramifications of those emotional experiences more explicitly. |
Reflective Tones and Emotional Impact | The frequent use of 'Reflective' tones appears to correlate with a somewhat inconsistent Emotional Impact. While reflective scenes can be powerful, make sure they actively contribute to the overall emotional arc rather than simply slowing down the momentum. Use reflective scenes to build toward pivotal emotional moments instead of allowing them to become emotionally flat. |
Late-Script Emotional Climax | The strongest Emotional Impact, Conflict, and High Stakes scores are concentrated in the final few scenes (scenes 10-14). While a powerful ending is essential, consider distributing these elements more strategically throughout the screenplay to maintain audience engagement and prevent a feeling of rushed or uneven pacing. This may also aid in the consistent Emotional Impact issue throughout. |
Writer's Craft Overall Analysis
The provided scene analyses reveal a writer with advanced screenwriting skills, demonstrating proficiency in crafting emotionally resonant scenes, developing complex characters, and exploring thematic depth. The scenes consistently showcase strengths in dialogue, emotional depth, and character interaction. However, there's room for growth in diversifying narrative techniques and further honing specific aspects of craft, such as narrative structure and unpredictable character choices. The writer's focus on emotional authenticity is a significant strength and should be nurtured.
Key Improvement Areas
Suggestions
Type | Suggestion | Rationale |
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Book | 'The Anatomy of Story' by John Truby | This book directly addresses the need for improved narrative structure, character arcs, and thematic resonance, recurring themes in the scene analyses. It provides a robust framework for crafting compelling narratives. |
Screenplay Collection | Study a diverse range of screenplays known for strong narrative structure and complex character arcs. Include examples from different genres, such as 'Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind' (emotional depth and non-linear narrative), 'Manchester by the Sea' (family drama and grief), 'Glengarry Glen Ross' (dialogue-driven workplace drama), and works by Greta Gerwig and Noah Baumbach (character-driven storytelling). | Exposure to various storytelling styles helps broaden the writer's understanding of successful techniques and inspires innovation in their own work. |
Exercise | Scene Deconstruction Exercise: Choose a well-regarded scene from a film and analyze its structure, character motivations, dialogue, and thematic elements. Then, rewrite the scene, making deliberate changes to pacing, dialogue, or character actions, and analyze the impact of these changes.Practice In SceneProv | This exercise strengthens analytical skills and allows the writer to practice manipulating the elements of a scene to achieve specific effects. |
Exercise | Character-Driven Improvisation Exercise: With a partner, improvise a scene focusing solely on two characters with conflicting goals and limited information. Focus on building tension and revealing character through subtext and action.Practice In SceneProv | Improvisation challenges the writer to create authentic character interaction and spontaneous conflict resolution without relying on pre-written dialogue. It strengthens the ability to show rather than tell. |
Exercise | Subtextual Dialogue Exercise: Write several scenes where the characters' true feelings are hidden behind polite or indirect language. Focus on revealing subtext through body language, tone of voice, and implied meaning.Practice In SceneProv | This exercise targets the need to improve nuance in dialogue, pushing the writer to explore subtext as a tool for enriching characterization and tension. |
Here are different Tropes found in the screenplay
Trope | Trope Details | Trope Explanation |
---|---|---|
The Weary Hero | Tom Maloney is depicted as a weary man in his 50s, struggling with the emotional burden of his wife's condition. | This trope involves a protagonist who is worn down by life's challenges but continues to fight for what they believe in. An example is the character of Max DeCosta in 'Elysium', who is burdened by his past but strives for a better future. |
Locked-In Syndrome | Marna suffers from locked-in syndrome, unable to communicate but fully aware of her surroundings. | This trope highlights the struggle of a character who is physically incapacitated but mentally aware, often used to evoke sympathy. A notable example is the film 'The Diving Bell and the Butterfly', which tells the true story of a man who experiences this condition. |
Flashbacks | Tom reflects on his past with Marna through flashbacks, emphasizing their love story. | Flashbacks are used to provide backstory and deepen character development. An example is 'Lost', where characters' pasts are revealed to enhance the narrative. |
The Caring Parent | Tom is shown as a loving father, trying to balance his responsibilities while caring for his children. | This trope depicts a parent who prioritizes their children's well-being despite personal struggles. An example is the character of Chris Gardner in 'The Pursuit of Happyness', who fights against all odds to provide for his son. |
The Emotional Goodbye | Tom experiences a heart-wrenching goodbye with Marna before her passing. | This trope involves a poignant farewell that emphasizes the emotional stakes of the story. A classic example is the farewell scene in 'The Fault in Our Stars'. |
The Supportive Friend | Nurse Debbie provides emotional support to Tom during his visits to the hospital. | This trope features a character who offers guidance and support to the protagonist, often helping them navigate difficult situations. An example is Samwise Gamgee in 'The Lord of the Rings', who supports Frodo throughout their journey. |
The Burden of Responsibility | Tom feels the weight of his responsibilities as he juggles work, parenting, and visiting Marna. | This trope highlights the pressure on a character to fulfill their obligations, often leading to internal conflict. An example is the character of Walter White in 'Breaking Bad', who struggles with the consequences of his choices. |
The Symbolic Object | The red rose serves as a symbol of Tom's love and hope for Marna's recovery. | This trope involves an object that carries significant emotional weight, often representing a character's feelings or memories. An example is the red balloon in 'The Red Balloon', symbolizing childhood innocence. |
The Moment of Clarity | Tom experiences a moment of realization about his life and the importance of his family. | This trope involves a character gaining insight or understanding that changes their perspective. An example is the character of Ebenezer Scrooge in 'A Christmas Carol', who undergoes a transformation after reflecting on his life. |
The Last-Minute Rescue | Tom rushes back to the hospital after realizing he needs to be with Marna, but it's too late. | This trope involves a character attempting to save someone at the last moment, often leading to dramatic tension. An example is the climax of 'Titanic', where characters scramble to save each other as the ship sinks. |
Memorable lines in the script:
Some Loglines to consider:
A devoted husband grapples with the agonizing reality of his wife's locked-in syndrome, balancing his love for her with the needs of his children and the pressures of life. |
Torn between his ailing wife and his family's needs, a man fights to preserve his hope as he navigates the emotional toll of locked-in syndrome. |
In the face of overwhelming odds, a husband’s unwavering love for his locked-in wife transcends the boundaries of communication, ultimately shaping his future. |
One man’s journey through grief and resilience finds unexpected solace as he struggles to find a balance between love and duty in the face of his wife's devastating illness. |
A heartbreaking story of love and loss, where a husband discovers unexpected strength when facing the silent battle of his locked-in wife. |
A devoted husband struggles to come to terms with his wife's debilitating medical condition, while their young children cling to the hope that she will recover, in this poignant exploration of love, loss, and the resilience of the human spirit. |
When a woman is trapped in a state of complete paralysis, her husband must find the strength to continue supporting their family and holding onto the promise of a miracle, in this emotionally-charged drama about the power of unconditional love. |
As a man's wife battles a devastating illness, leaving her unable to communicate or move, he must navigate the challenges of caring for their children and maintaining hope, in this heartbreaking yet uplifting story about the complexities of life and love. |
A family's life is turned upside down when the matriarch is stricken with a rare medical condition, forcing them to confront their fears, cherish their moments together, and find the courage to move forward, in this deeply moving short film. |
In the face of a tragic medical crisis, a husband and father must find a way to hold his family together, while also confronting his own grief and the uncertain future, in this poignant drama about the resilience of the human spirit. |
A devoted husband visits his paralyzed wife daily, unaware that she can hear and see everything but cannot respond. |
A family's love is tested when a mother becomes locked in her own body, leaving her husband and children to cope with her silent presence. |
In the face of unimaginable loss, a man finds solace in the small moments that remind him of his wife's enduring love. |
A woman trapped in her own body struggles to communicate with her family, who remain unaware of her consciousness. |
After his wife's sudden paralysis, a man must balance his devotion to her with the demands of raising their two young children. |
A devoted husband grapples with the emotional toll of his wife's locked-in syndrome while striving to maintain a semblance of normalcy for their children. |
As a father struggles to balance work and family, he finds solace in the memories of his wife, who remains trapped in her own body. |
In the face of impending loss, a man must navigate the complexities of love, grief, and hope as he supports his family through a heartbreaking journey. |
A poignant tale of love and resilience, where a husband's unwavering devotion to his wife is tested by the harsh realities of life and death. |
Amidst the silence of a hospital room, a man's internal battle unfolds as he seeks to honor his wife's memory while caring for their children. |
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Frequently Asked Questions
After that, the high-level menu will offer insights into the story, themes, and characters.
The scene-by-scene analysis will demonstrate how each scene performs across various criteria, summarized in the column headings.
Click on any scene title to view the full analysis, including critiques and suggestions for improvement.
'Other Analyses' provides various insights into your writing and different perspectives, although it might not lead to significant rewrites of your script.
You can play it for free. If you have scripts analyzed, the AI might recommend exercises from SceneProv to help you improve your writing. Go to the craft tab to see what it recommended.
Let the AI take a turn when you're blocked or you want to riff on a scene. Each scene you create in SceneProv gets graded at the end.
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Scene by Scene Emotions
suspense Analysis
Executive Summary
Suspense in "Until Tomorrow" is masterfully used to heighten emotional impact, primarily focusing on Marna's condition and Tom's unwavering hope. The film doesn't rely on cheap thrills; instead, suspense is built through subtle cues – fluctuating heart rates, perceived smiles, and the unspoken communication between Marna and Tom – creating a powerful tension that mirrors Tom's internal struggle and the audience's emotional investment. While effective, the near-constant suspense could benefit from strategic release to amplify the impact of key moments.
Usage Analysis
Critique
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fear Analysis
Executive Summary
Fear in "Until Tomorrow" is primarily used subtly, reflecting Tom's anxieties about losing his job and his wife. The film effectively avoids overt horror, instead using the ever-present threat of Marna's deteriorating health and Tom's financial instability to create a pervasive low-level anxiety that mirrors the characters' internal struggles. However, expanding on the depiction of specific fears could have increased emotional resonance.
Usage Analysis
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joy Analysis
Executive Summary
Joy in "Until Tomorrow" acts as a poignant counterpoint to the pervasive sadness, highlighting the strength of family bonds and the enduring power of love amidst overwhelming grief. The limited moments of joy—primarily during Tom's interactions with his children—are carefully crafted, making them both precious and bittersweet. While effective, expanding on these moments could have provided more emotional balance.
Usage Analysis
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sadness Analysis
Executive Summary
Sadness is the dominant emotion in "Until Tomorrow," effectively driving the narrative and evoking profound empathy from the audience. The film utilizes various techniques to portray sadness—subtle gestures, unspoken communication, and poignant visual cues—creating a powerfully moving experience. However, some strategic variation in the intensity of sadness might improve pacing and emotional impact.
Usage Analysis
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surprise Analysis
Executive Summary
Surprise in "Until Tomorrow" is used sparingly but effectively. The film primarily relies on subtle emotional cues rather than sudden plot twists. The most significant surprise comes near the end, with the unexpected revival of Marna's heartbeat, immediately followed by her death—a twist that both shocks and deepens the emotional impact. This strategic use of surprise increases the impact.
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empathy Analysis
Executive Summary
Empathy is the cornerstone of "Until Tomorrow." The film masterfully uses understated storytelling, realistic character portrayals, and poignant visuals to build a deep connection between the audience and the characters. The audience deeply feels Tom's grief, Marna's silent suffering, and the children's innocent yearning for their mother. The lack of melodrama enhances the film's emotional impact, making the audience feel deeply invested in their fate.
Usage Analysis
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