Die Hard

Executive Summary

Poster
Overview

Genres: Action, Thriller, Drama, Crime, Comedy

Setting: Contemporary, Los Angeles, California, including Nakatomi Plaza, police station, and various other indoor and outdoor locations

Overview: Die Hard is an action-packed thriller that follows the story of John McClane, a New York City police officer who is visiting his estranged wife in Los Angeles on Christmas Eve. When terrorists seize the Nakatomi Plaza, a high-rise building where his wife works, McClane must fight his way up the building to save her and the other hostages. Along the way, he must overcome his own personal demons and face the terrorists' cunning leader, Hans Gruber.

Themes: Survival, Marital Relationships, Law Enforcement, Betrayal

Conflict and Stakes: The primary conflict is between John McClane and the European terrorist group led by Hans Gruber, who take over the Nakatomi Plaza building on Christmas Eve. The stakes are high, as the terrorists plan to steal millions in bearer bonds and take hostages, including John's estranged wife Holly. John must navigate the situation using his wits and resourcefulness to save Holly and stop the terrorists.

Overall Mood: Tense and action-packed, with moments of humor and levity

Mood/Tone at Key Scenes:

  • Scene 1: The opening scene on the plane is light-hearted and humorous, setting the tone for the film's mix of action and comedy.
  • Scene 10: The scene where John realizes the terrorists have cut the phone lines is tense and suspenseful, heightening the stakes of the situation.
  • Scene 20: The scene where John and Holly reunite is emotional and heartfelt, adding depth to their relationship and the stakes of the conflict.

Standout Features:

  • Unique Hook: Die Hard is often credited with inventing the modern action movie genre, making it a unique and influential property.
  • Plot Twist: The twist of having a seemingly ordinary man like John McClane become the hero in an extraordinary situation is a major part of the film's appeal.
  • Distinctive Setting: The Nakatomi Plaza building serves as a unique and memorable setting for the action, making it a distinctive feature of the film.

Comparable Scripts:

  • Die Hard 2: Die Harder
  • Under Siege
  • Speed
  • The Raid: Redemption
  • Cliffhanger
  • Die Hard with a Vengeance
  • Sudden Death
  • Air Force One
  • Crimson Tide
  • The Rock

Writing Style:

The screenplay combines elements of action, suspense, and character-driven narratives, often featuring high-stakes situations, sharp dialogue, and complex character dynamics.

Style Similarities:

  • Shane Black
  • John McTiernan
  • Christopher Nolan
Other Similarities
Pass/Consider/Recommend

Recommend


Explanation: Overall, 'Die Hard' presents a well-structured and engaging screenplay that effectively builds tension and suspense while developing complex characters and a compelling narrative. The screenplay excels in establishing the main conflict, introducing memorable characters, and incorporating thrilling action sequences. While there are areas where dialogue could be more natural and some scenes could benefit from a smoother flow, the screenplay's strengths in character development, pacing, and overall narrative strength make it a compelling and ultimately successful screenplay.


USP: This script stands out in the action genre with its unique blend of sharp dialogue, tense character interactions, and high-stakes situations. The story features a relatable and determined protagonist, John McClane, who must navigate a dangerous terrorist takeover in a high-rise building to save his estranged wife and colleagues. The script's distinct voice is characterized by its focus on authentic character dynamics, moral dilemmas, and innovative storytelling techniques, creating a suspenseful and engaging experience for the audience. With its unique take on the action genre and memorable characters, this script is sure to captivate and enthrall viewers.
Market Analysis

Budget Estimate:$50-70 million

Target Audience Demographics: Adults aged 18-49, fans of action and thriller movies

Marketability: Die Hard is a classic action movie with a beloved protagonist, memorable villains, and iconic set pieces. It has already spawned multiple sequels and remains a popular franchise, making it highly marketable to fans of action and thriller movies.

While the original Die Hard was released in 1988, the story and characters remain timeless, making it a potential candidate for a modern remake or reboot.

Die Hard has become a cultural touchstone and a staple of holiday viewing, making it a potential candidate for a holiday-themed marketing campaign.

Profit Potential: High, due to the enduring popularity of the franchise and the potential for a successful remake or reboot.

Analysis Criteria Percentiles
Writer's Voice

Summary:The writer's voice is characterized by sharp dialogue, tense interactions between characters, and a focus on character dynamics. The scenes are filled with subtle moments of tension and conflict.

Best representation: Scene 39 - Hostage Situation: McClane's Brave Rescue. This scene is the best representation of the writer's voice because it showcases the writer's ability to blend tense and suspenseful dialogue, character dynamics, and action-packed sequences to create a gripping and emotionally engaging scene.

Memorable Lines:

  • McClane: Yippee-ki-yay, motherfucker. (Scene 42)
  • MCCLANE: It's okay...I'm a cop. (Scene 1)
  • McClane: Welcome to the party, boys. We've been missing you. (Scene 15)
  • McClane: Hans, you motherfucker, you've made your point. Let them pull back! (Scene 24)
  • McClane: Drop it. (Scene 13)
Characters

John McClane:A New York City cop who becomes embroiled in a terrorist takeover of a Los Angeles skyscraper on Christmas Eve.

Hans Gruber:The leader of a European terrorist group who plans to steal millions in bearer bonds from the Nakatomi Corporation.

Holly Gennero McClane:John's estranged wife who is caught in the middle of the terrorist takeover at her office.

Sgt. Al Powell:A street-smart police officer who befriends John over the radio and helps him navigate the situation.

Story Shape
Summary The screenplay follows John McClane, a cop, as he battles a group of terrorists led by Hans Gruber in the Nakatomi building in Century City. McClane's wife, Holly, is held hostage by the terrorists, adding emotional stakes to the intense conflict. As McClane outwits and outmaneuvers the terrorists, the tension rises, culminating in a final confrontation on the roof of the building. With the help of his friend Powell and the SWAT team, McClane ultimately defeats the terrorists and rescues his wife. The screenplay ends on a note of relief and closure as McClane and Holly drive away from the Nakatomi building, victorious.


Screenplay Story Analysis

Story Critique The plot of Die Hard is well-structured and engaging, featuring a compelling premise, well-developed characters, and suspenseful action sequences. The film effectively blends elements of action, thriller, and dark comedy, creating a unique and entertaining viewing experience. The characters are relatable and their motivations are clear, driving the story forward and keeping the audience invested. The pacing is well-balanced, with the action sequences interspersed with moments of character development and tension-building, maintaining a consistently high level of engagement throughout the film's runtime. Overall, Die Hard is a well-crafted screenplay with a strong plot and story that successfully delivers on its promise of thrilling entertainment.
Suggestions: To further enhance the screenplay, consider adding more depth and complexity to the motivations of the villains. This could involve exploring their personal histories, beliefs, and goals in more detail, providing a deeper understanding of their actions and making them more well-rounded characters. Additionally, incorporating more emotional stakes into the protagonist's journey could strengthen the audience's connection to the character and make the film's climax more impactful.

Note: This is the overall critique. For scene by scene critique click here
Beginning The beginning of Die Hard establishes a strong foundation for the rest of the film, effectively introducing the protagonist, setting up the central conflict, and establishing the stakes. The opening scene immediately grabs the audience's attention and sets the tone for the rest of the film, creating a sense of urgency and danger. The introduction of John McClane is well-handled, with the character's personality and motivations quickly established through his interactions with the other passengers on the plane. The film does a good job of building tension as McClane arrives at Nakatomi Plaza and realizes that the building is under siege. Overall, the beginning of Die Hard is well-paced and engaging, successfully setting the stage for the rest of the film.
Suggestions: To enhance the beginning of the film, consider expanding on the character development of John McClane. This could involve providing more backstory or exploring his relationships with other characters in more depth, giving the audience a better understanding of his motivations and making him a more well-rounded character. Additionally, consider adding more foreshadowing to the events that will unfold later in the film, creating a sense of anticipation and unease for the audience.
Middle The middle part of Die Hard maintains the high level of suspense and action established in the beginning, with McClane facing off against the terrorists in a series of thrilling and inventive set pieces. The film's use of the building's verticality is particularly effective, creating a sense of claustrophobia and danger. The character interactions are well-written, with the relationships between McClane and the other characters developing in a believable and engaging way. The film also does a good job of balancing the action sequences with moments of character development and tension-building, keeping the audience invested in the story and the characters' fates.
Suggestions: To further enhance the middle part of the film, consider adding more depth and complexity to the motivations of the villains. This could involve exploring their personal histories, beliefs, and goals in more detail, providing a deeper understanding of their actions and making them more well-rounded characters. Additionally, incorporating more emotional stakes into the protagonist's journey could strengthen the audience's connection to the character and make the film's climax more impactful.
Ending The ending of Die Hard provides a satisfying conclusion to the story, with McClane ultimately defeating the terrorists and saving the hostages. The film's climax is well-paced and exciting, with McClane using his wits and resourcefulness to overcome the odds. The resolution of the conflict is believable and emotionally satisfying, with McClane and the other characters finding closure and redemption. The film's final scene provides a sense of hope and optimism, leaving the audience with a positive feeling about the characters and their journey.
Suggestions: To further enhance the ending of the film, consider adding more depth and complexity to the motivations of the villains. This could involve exploring their personal histories, beliefs, and goals in more detail, providing a deeper understanding of their actions and making them more well-rounded characters. Additionally, incorporating more emotional stakes into the protagonist's journey could strengthen the audience's connection to the character and make the film's climax more impactful.

See the full analysis by clicking the title.

1 - An Uneasy Flight and Late Night Work Tense, Suspenseful, Witty 8 8 77 9 687788876 89888
2 - Preparing for John's Arrival: Warm Conversations and Limo Rides Affectionate, Light-hearted, Reflective 8 8 79 9 687574777 89888
3 - Tense Greetings and Christmas Cheer: McClane Arrives at Nakatomi while Powell Handles Police Station Crisis Tense, Suspenseful, Awkward, Formal 8 8 79 9 687787876 89988
4 - Arrival at Nakatomi Plaza and Reunion of Holly and McClane Tense, Emotional, Intimate 8 7 87 9 687666869 88889
5 - Takeover of the Building and Murder of the Guard Suspenseful, Intense, Dark 9 9 88 8 689999987 79999
6 - McClane's Failed Attempts to Call for Help and Hans' Approach on the 32nd Floor Tense, Suspenseful, Menacing, Intense 9 9 88 8 687989987 79989
7 - McClane Witnesses Takagi's Murder After Uncovering Terrorists' Plans Tense, Suspenseful, Menacing 9 8 99 8 7899910988 79988
8 - McClane Alerts Authorities and Disarms a Guard Intense, Suspenseful, Dramatic 9 8 99 9 787989988 89988
9 - McClane's Elevator Escape and Call for Backup Intense, Suspenseful, Dramatic 9 9 89 8 7879810988 79988
10 - McClane's Daring Escape into the Air Shaft Intense, Suspenseful, Tense 9 8 99 8 787989988 79978
11 - McClane's Narrow Escape in the Air Ducts Intense, Suspenseful, Tense 9 9 89 7 687989888 69978
12 - Aggressive Reporter Disrupts Pre-Christmas News Broadcast Tense, Suspenseful, Angry, Panicked, Determined 9 8 99 8 787989978 89988
13 - McClane's Assault and Powell's Arrival Intense, Suspenseful, Dramatic 9 8 99 8 787989988 79988
14 - Powell's Unaware Escalation: From Lobby to Car Intense, Suspenseful, Terrifying, Tense, Dramatic 9 8 99 8 7899910988 79988
15 - McClane Spares Theo and Communicates with Powell Intense, Suspenseful, Tense 9 8 99 8 787989988 99988
16 - McClane's Standoff with Theo: A Tense Confrontation Intense, Suspenseful, Serious 9 9 97 8 787989988 89988
17 - McClane's Warning Intense, Suspenseful, Serious 8 8 99 7 687989977 89988
18 - Hans' Truce Offer Rejected; Robinson's Frustration with FBI Agents Tense, Suspenseful, Confrontational, Sarcastic 8 8 98 8 787989978 99978
19 - Hans Remains Resolute as Holly Attempts to Negotiate and William Realizes His Danger Tense, Suspenseful, Intense, Dramatic 9 8 98 8 7879810988 89988
20 - McClane Fortifies, Terrorists Pursue, and New Personnel Arrive at the Police Trailer Intense, Suspenseful, Tense, Dramatic 9 9 89 8 787989987 79978
21 - Hostage Situation Discussion and Disagreement over Sewer Plan Tense, Suspenseful, Intense, Dramatic 8 7 99 8 687989977 79888
22 - McClane's Escape from the Terrorists Intense, Suspenseful, Tense 9 8 99 8 787989988 79988
23 - Preparing for Confrontation: Spotlight on Nakatomi Plaza Intense, Suspenseful, Tense, Dramatic 9 8 98 8 787989988 89989
24 - Attack on the SWAT Team at Nakatomi Plaza Tense, Suspenseful, Intense 9 8 98 8 7879810988 79989
25 - Explosive Inferno at Nakatomi Plaza Intense, Suspenseful, Dramatic 9 8 99 8 7899910988 79988
26 - Hostage Situation Radio Confrontation Intense, Confrontational, Furious 9 8 99 9 898999988 99988
27 - McClane's Frustration and Ellis' Negotiation Attempt Tense, Suspenseful, Intense, Dramatic 9 8 98 9 7879810988 89999
28 - Ellis' Fate Hangs in the Balance: A Standoff between McClane and Hans Tense, Suspenseful, Intense, Dramatic 8 8 99 8 787989988 99888
29 - Hans Threatens More Hostages; McClane Negotiates and Mourns Ellis' Death Tense, Intense, Confrontational 9 8 99 9 887989988 99988
30 - Confrontation and Negotiation: A Tense Standoff Tense, Intense, Confrontational 8 8 89 7 687989887 89988
31 - McClane Evades Franco's Attack Tense, Suspenseful, Serious 8 8 88 7 687989887 89988
32 - McClane's Rooftop Escape and Franco's Demise Tense, Suspenseful, Dramatic, Intense 8 8 89 7 687989988 79978
33 - Preparing for Descent: McClane Uncovers a Threat Tense, Suspenseful, Determined, Anxious 8 8 98 8 787989978 79978
34 - McClane vs. Helicopter Gunships: A Roof Showdown Intense, Suspenseful, Dramatic 9 9 89 8 7899910988 79988
35 - McClane's Narrow Escape and Collapse Intense, Suspenseful, Dramatic 9 8 99 8 7879810978 79988
36 - Taco Bill and McClane's Frustration Intense, Suspenseful, Sarcastic 8 8 89 7 787989977 79887
37 - McClane Confronts Uli and Discovers Danger to Holly's Children Intense, Suspenseful, Dramatic, Tense 9 9 99 8 787989978 89988
38 - Hans Interviews Holly's Children; McClane and Holly Reconnect Over CB Tense, Emotional, Suspenseful 9 8 98 9 887989989 89999
39 - McClane Rescues Hostages as Explosion Rocks 39th Floor Intense, Suspenseful, Emotional 9 8 99 8 787989989 89988
40 - Hostage Situation: McClane's Brave Rescue Tense, Dramatic, Suspenseful 9 8 98 9 987989989 89989
41 - McClane and Holly's Escape Turns Tense as Karl Appears Intense, Suspenseful, Dramatic, Tense 9 9 99 8 787989978 89988
42 - Escape from the Nakatomi Building Intense, Suspenseful, Dramatic 9 8 99 8 787989988 79988


Scene 1 - An Uneasy Flight and Late Night Work
INT. 747 - PASSENGERS - SAME 2
The usual moment just after landing when you let out that
sigh of relief that you've made it in one piece.
ON JOHN MCCLANE 3
mid-thirties, good-looking, athletic and tired from his trip.
He sits by the window. His relief on landing is subtle but
we notice. Suddenly, he hears a voice next to him.
MAN'S VOICE
(o.s.)
J^W!fc'"S Don't fly much do you?
McClane looks over at a grinning middle-aged BUSINESSMAN
sitting next to him.
MCCLANE
No.
BUSINESSMAN
Want to know the secret of
surviving air travel?...Take off
your shoes and socks when you get
where you're going and walk
around ten minutes barefoot.
Better than a shower and a cup
of coffee...
MCCLANE
(warily)
Thanks... I'11 remember that.
The Businessman picks up on McClane's scepticism and takes
it as a challenge. His salesman's smile broadens.
BUSINESSMAN
You think I'm crazy don't you?
Trust me. I've been a salesman
for twenty years. I know what
I'm talking about.
(CONTINUED)
A98
CONTINUED: 3
/0s**..
The Businessman oozes confidence. McClane reaches up to help
a woman down with her bags and the butt of his Beretta
handgun suddenly becomes visible to the Businessman. The
man blanches at the sight and McClane notices the look.
He's seen it before.
MCCLANE
It's okay...I'm a cop.
We SEE this doesn't totally calm the Businessman. McClane
holds his look and produces a gold NYPD Detective's shield.
MCCLANE
(firm and
definite)
Trust me. I've been doing it
for thirteen years.
INT. THE NAKATOMI BUILDING (LOS ANGELES) - EVENING 4
CLOSE ON A bottle of Dom Perignon as the cork explodes across
a large office floor decorated for Christmas. A Japanese
man, mid-fifties standing on a desk holds up the bottle
triumphantly and looks out at an adoring audience of junior
executives and office personnel. He is JOSEPH TAKAGI,
Sr. V.P. of Sales for Nakatomi, a multinational corporation.
TAKAGI
Ladies and gentlemen...1
congratulate each and every one
of you for making this one of
the greatest days in the history
of the Nakatomi corporation...
In the b.g., obviously still at work, an attractive
BUSINESSWOMAN in her mid-thirties, studying a computer
printout, heads toward her office. Falling into step with
her is HARRY ELLIS, thirty-seven, V.P. of Sales. Well-dressed,
with stylish, slicked-back hair, he looks and acts very
smooth.
ELLIS
What about dinner?
WOMAN (HOLLY)
Do you ever look at the calendar,
Harry? Christmas Eve...Santa*s
arriving...Family...Those things
ring a bell?
She turns into:



A98
3

HER OFFICE 5
Her name is HOLLY GENNARO MCCLANE, though the nameplate on
her door stops after the first two. She puts the printout
down on her secretary's desk.
HOLLY
(to her secretary)
Go on out, Ginny, they're opening
the champagne.
GINNY
(grateful to be
released)
Thanks Ms. Gennaro.
Ginny passes Ellis in the doorway as Holly punches a number
on the phone.
I ELLIS
' (not giving up)
How about tomorrow night?
HOLLY
(dryly)
Worse.
Just then the party on Holly's phone picks up and WE:
INTERCUT:
Genres: ["Action","Thriller","Drama"]

Summary The scene opens with John McClane, a cop, sitting on a plane next to a chatty businessman. McClane is wary and takes off his shoes, revealing his gun. The setting shifts to the Nakatomi building where Holly Gennero McClane, John's wife, is working late and trying to avoid her coworker Harry's advances. The tone is light-hearted and humorous, with the businessman's conversation and Harry's advances providing the conflict.
Strengths
  • Intriguing characters
  • Sharp dialogue
  • Tension building
Weaknesses
  • Emotional depth could be further explored

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively sets up the tone and introduces key characters while hinting at underlying conflicts.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a cop on a plane with a hidden gun and a mysterious businessman sets up an intriguing premise.

Plot: 7

The plot is slowly unfolding, with hints of a larger story at play.

Originality: 7

The scene introduces a familiar scenario of a cop in a new environment, but adds a fresh twist with the businessman's unconventional advice and McClane's subtle reveal of his identity.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-defined and intriguing, with layers that suggest deeper motivations.

Character Changes: 6

There are hints of potential character growth and change, especially for John McClane.

Internal Goal: 8

John McClane's internal goal in this scene is to maintain his composure and assert his authority in a potentially tense situation. This reflects his need for control and his desire to protect those around him.

External Goal: 7

John McClane's external goal in this scene is to navigate the social interaction with the businessman and assert his identity as a cop. This reflects the immediate challenge of establishing trust and authority in a new environment.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

There is a moderate level of conflict present, mostly in the form of tension between characters.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting values and motivations driving the characters' interactions.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high, with the presence of a hidden gun and the hint of larger conflicts to come.

Story Forward: 8

The scene effectively moves the story forward by introducing key characters and setting up potential conflicts.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected interactions between the characters and the shifting power dynamics.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between the businessman's salesmanship and McClane's law enforcement background. This challenges McClane's beliefs about trust and credibility.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

The emotional impact is subtle but hints at deeper emotional layers to be explored.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is sharp and reveals character dynamics effectively.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the tension between the characters and the subtle reveals of their motivations.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension and suspense through the characters' interactions.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings and character descriptions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution.


Critique
  • The scene lacks a clear purpose or goal. It's simply two characters talking about air travel, which doesn't advance the plot or develop the characters.
  • The dialogue is stilted and unnatural. The Businessman's sales pitch is too long and detailed, and McClane's responses are too brief and non-committal.
  • The scene is too long and drawn out. It could be shortened by cutting out some of the unnecessary dialogue and focusing on the more important moments.
  • The scene is not visually interesting. It takes place entirely in a plane, which is a very static and boring setting.
  • The Businessman's sudden change of attitude when he sees McClane's gun is not convincing. It's too abrupt and doesn't make sense given what we know about the character.
  • The scene ends abruptly with McClane revealing that he's a cop. This is a major plot point, but it's not given the weight it deserves.
  • The Businessman character is one-dimensional and uninteresting. He's simply a mouthpiece for the air travel sales pitch.
Suggestions
  • Give the scene a clear purpose or goal. What do you want to achieve with this scene? What information do you want to convey to the reader?
  • Rewrite the dialogue to make it more natural and engaging. Avoid using long, exposition-heavy speeches.
  • Shorten the scene by cutting out some of the unnecessary dialogue and focusing on the more important moments.
  • Add some visual interest to the scene. Describe the setting in more detail, and use camera angles and movement to create a more dynamic scene.
  • Make the Businessman's change of attitude more convincing. Give him a reason to be scared of McClane, and show how his fear changes his behavior.
  • Give the scene a more satisfying ending. Don't just have McClane reveal that he's a cop. Instead, build up to this moment and give it the weight it deserves.
  • Develop the Businessman character more. Give him a backstory, motivations, and flaws. This will make him more interesting and relatable to the reader.



Scene 2 - Preparing for John's Arrival: Warm Conversations and Limo Rides
6 INT. NICE HOUSE IN SANTA MONICA 6
where a four-year-old girl, LUCY MCCLANE, answers the phone
with a sense of importance.
LUCY
Hello, this is Lucy McClane.
Holly suddenly smiles. It is the first time we've seen her
smile and it speaks volumes about the person hidden under a
tough business exterior.
HOLLY
(with affection)
Hello, Lucy McClane. This is
your mother.
She looks up and watches Ellis leave.
LUCY
/fH^s
Mommy! When are you coming home?!
(CONTINUED)



A98
4
CONTINUED: 6
J^*>*

HOLLY
Soon. You'll be in bed when
I get there, though.
LUCY
Will you come say 'good night'?
HOLLY
Don't I always, you goose?
(enjoys her
daughter's giggle
over the line)
May I speak with Paulina, please?
Lucy hands the phone to a young Salvadorian woman, PAULINA,
the housekeeper.
PAULINA
Hello, Ms. Holly. You coming
home soon?
HOLLY
Hopefully.
(beat)
Mr. McClane didn't call, did he?
PAULINA
No ma'am.
Holly hides a trace of disappointment.
HOLLY
Maybe that means he got a flight.
Why don't you make up the bed in
the spare room, just in case.
PAULINA
(smiling)
Yes ma'am, I already did.
Holly's smile comes through again.
INT. LAX - EVENING 7
McClan^-r^earing TBTs-sWool topcoat and carrying a huge
FAg^chwartz stuffep. animal and his hangup bag, comes down
ramp with the Businessman from the

BUSINESSMAN
Remember...bare feet, ten minutes.
Merry Christmas.
(CONTINUED)

A98
CONTINUED: 7
MCCLANE
Yeah...Merry Christmas...
The Businessman moves down the ramp and is lovingly greeted
by his family. McClane watches, moved by the sight, then
looks around the waiting area, just on the chance his family
might be waiting. Instead he spots a thin, gangling, black
kid, WILLIAM, in an ill-fitting chaufeur's uniform. As he
waits he beats «out a rhythm on a card with J. McCLANE printed
on it. McClane pauses in front of him.
MCCLANE
I'm John McClane.
WILLIAM
William, Sir...I'm your limo
driver. Nice bag.
He turns and starts walking.
MCCLANE
Don't you take this?
WILLIAM
(stops)
Do I?
MCCLANE
Hell, I don't know. I've never
been picked up by a limo before.
William takes McClane's bag.
WILLIAM
Hey, that's good...'cause I've
never driven one before.
CUT TO:
INT. LIMOUSINE - DUSK 8
McClane and William both sit in the front seat as the black
limo turns off the Santa Monica Freeway and heads north
toward Century City. The huge toy animal sits in the backseat.
McClane hears a rustling at his feet and looks down
to see a bunch of fast food wrappers. Picks one up — it
says Taco Bell — and looks at William who grins sheepishly.
WILLIAM
What can I say, man? I didn't
<T expect you to sit up front.
(CONTINUED)


A98
6
8 CONTINUED: 8
f* WILLIAM (Cont.)
(popping in a
cassette)
Mind if I play some tunes?
A hard RAP SONG blasts from the speakers.
MCCLANE
How 'bout some Christmas music?
WILLIAM
That is Christmas music.
McClane gives up and grins, tosses the wrapper back on the
floor and looks out the window.
9 HIS P.O.V. 9
Convertibles with Christmas trees in their backseats,
Time/Temperature signs which read: 69°, and palm trees
trimmed in Christmas lights — it is clear that Christmas
L.A. style is a foreign commodity he could live happily
without.
WILLIAM
f* (to the animal
• in the back)
You know, you're stocked backed
there. We got CD, CB, TV, phone,
full bar. I even know a couple
of Teddy Bears...
(to McClane)
...Or is he married?
MCCLANE
Married.
WILLIAM
She live out here?
MCCLANE
As of six months ago.
WILLIAM
And you live in New York?
MCCLANE
You're nosey, you know that,
William?
f^ WILLIAM
Hey, I'm sorry. I got to quit
doing that, you know.
(CONTINUED)
A98
7

3 CONTINUED: 9
MCCLANE
That's okay.
WILLIAM
So, you divorced or what?
McClane gives up.
MCCLANE
She had a good job, it turned
into a great career.
WILLIAM
But meant her moving here.
MCCLANE
You're fast.
I
/ WILLIAM
So, why didn't you come?
MCCLANE
'Cause I'm a New York cop not an
IBM salesman. I don't just get up
and move.
WILLIAM
(to the point)
And you didn't think she'd make
it here?
McClane grins, he likes William even if he is direct.
MCCLANE
You're fast, William.
Genres: ["Drama","Action","Comedy"]

Summary In this scene, Lucy McClane answers a phone call from her mother, Holly, who is worried about her husband, John, and asks the housekeeper, Paulina, to prepare the spare room. The scene then shifts to LAX, where John arrives and meets his limo driver, William. They engage in small talk and listen to rap music, while Holly remains anxious about John's whereabouts. The scene ends with John and William driving towards Century City, leaving the audience in anticipation of their destination.
Strengths
  • Character development
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Emotional depth
Weaknesses
  • Lack of high-stakes conflict
  • Some dialogue may feel exposition-heavy

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively balances emotional depth with light-hearted moments, setting up character dynamics and introducing key plot elements.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of homecoming and family relationships is central to the scene, driving character motivations and setting the tone for future developments.

Plot: 7

The plot progresses as we see Holly's personal life intersect with John McClane's return home, hinting at potential conflicts and resolutions.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces fresh character dynamics and explores themes of family, work-life balance, and cultural diversity in a unique and engaging way.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed, with Holly's hidden vulnerability and John McClane's tough yet relatable persona shining through. William adds a comedic element to the scene.

Character Changes: 6

Holly's brief moment of vulnerability and John McClane's journey back home hint at potential character growth and changes in future scenes.

Internal Goal: 8

Holly's internal goal is to maintain a connection with her daughter despite being away from home. This reflects her desire for a strong family bond and her struggle to balance work and personal life.

External Goal: 7

John McClane's external goal is to navigate his way through a new city and situation, as he interacts with his limo driver and adjusts to the unfamiliar surroundings.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 5

While there are hints of internal and external conflicts, the scene primarily focuses on character dynamics and introductions.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is moderate, with conflicts arising from internal struggles and external challenges that add depth to the characters' journeys.

High Stakes: 4

While personal stakes are hinted at, the scene focuses more on character dynamics and introductions rather than high-stakes conflicts.

Story Forward: 7

The scene sets up key relationships and plot points, moving the story forward while laying the groundwork for future developments.

Unpredictability: 7

The scene is somewhat predictable in terms of character interactions and plot developments, but maintains interest through its engaging dialogue and emotional resonance.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The scene explores the conflict between work and family life, highlighting the protagonist's values and priorities. Holly's dedication to her job clashes with her desire to be present for her daughter.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes a sense of warmth and nostalgia, especially in the interaction between Holly and her daughter, resonating with the audience.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is engaging and reveals character traits, setting up future interactions and conflicts.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its relatable characters, witty dialogue, and emotional depth, keeping the audience invested in the story.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a balance of dialogue, action, and character development that keeps the story moving forward.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene adheres to the expected format for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character actions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with well-defined character arcs and narrative progression, maintaining the audience's engagement.


Critique
  • The scene doesn't provide much context for the audience. It doesn't establish who the characters are, what their relationship is, or what the stakes are.
  • The dialogue is stilted and unnatural. The characters sound like they're reading from a script, not speaking to each other.
  • The scene doesn't move the plot forward. It's just a phone conversation between two characters who don't seem to have much to say to each other.
Suggestions
  • Start the scene with a brief establishing shot that shows the characters and their surroundings. This will help the audience to understand who they are and where they are.
  • Rewrite the dialogue to make it more natural and believable. The characters should sound like real people, not like they're reading from a script.
  • Add some conflict to the scene. The characters should have something to talk about that's important to them. This will make the scene more engaging and will help to move the plot forward.



Scene 3 - Tense Greetings and Christmas Cheer: McClane Arrives at Nakatomi while Powell Handles Police Station Crisis
10 INT. LOS ANGELES POLICE STATION - NIGHT 10
A miniature Christmas tree with blinking lights sits on a
desk of SERGEANT AL POWELL, thirties, a man who's had enough
experience to know how bad it can be out there. He speaks
in low tones to the telephone.
POWELL
(defensively)
Yeah, yeah, honey, don't go
crazy —
(listening, then)
— I know you're pregnant. I know
you get cravings. I didn't say I
wouldn't buy *em, I just said I wish
you'd buy *em in big boxes...
(CONTINUED)

A98
8

10 CONTINUED: ' 10
Suddenly Powell's miniature tree is knocked on its side and a
handgun goes spinning across the desk into his lap. He looks
up to see two cops trying to subdue a struggling suspect in
front of his desk. COP #1 looks up at Powell and grins.
COP #1
Don't worry, Al, it ain't loaded.
POWELL
(to phone)
I got to go.
Powell hangs up and puts the heavy firearm on the desk as the
two cops shove the suspect into a chair in front of him.
COP #2 stares at the suspect and points at Powell.
I COP #2
Sergeant Powell's a very deadly
man with a handgun, so don't try
anything or he might kill you...
by accident.
The two cops laugh. Powell ignores them, and expertly rolls
in a sheet of paper into his main weapon — the typewriter.
POWELL
(to suspect)
Full name, last name first...
11 -INT. LIMO - NIGHT 11
McClane and William pull up in front of the Nakatomi building,
a forty story, ultra-modern highrise in Century City.
WILLIAM
You here to patch things up?
MCCLANE
I'm here to try. Thanks for the
ride, William.
He gets out and William sits a moment in the car alone before
getting out to help him with the bags.
12 EXT. NAKATOMI BUILDING - NIGHT 12
William climbs out of the limo and stops by the trunk.
WILLIAM
What happens if you don't get back
with your wife? Where*re you going
to stay?
(CONTINUED)

A98
12 CONTINUED: _ 12
MCCLANE
I'll find someplace.
He looks up at the highrise lit by huge spotlights, then
back at William who's made no attempt to open the trunk.
WILLIAM
Look, I'm going to pull into the
parking garage and wait. You score
with your wife give me a call on
the car phone and I'11 leave your
bags inside at the desk. You strike
out...I'11 get you to a hotel.
He hands McClane a slip with the number on it.
MCCLANE
(taking the number)
Thanks. What're you going to do?
WILLIAM
Don't worry about William...
(points to the
stuffed animal)
...He's going to hang out with his
friend here till you call.
13 INT. NAKATOMI LOBBY - NIGHT 13
Beautiful and deserted. A large Christmas tree stands next
to the security table where the GUARD sits. McClane goes to
the desk and signs in.
MCCLANE
Holly Gennaro. International Sales.
GUARD
Thirty-second floor...You can't miss
'em, they're the only ones left in
the place.
14 INT. ELEVATOR - NIGHT 14
McClane riding the elevator. He rotates his head. Getting
the cricks out. As he approaches the 32nd floor we
hear a tremendous THUMPING, THROBBING NOISE. McClane
stops and listens before he realizes — it's the party. As
the doors open the noise attacks us.
15 32ND FLOOR - SAME 15
McClane moves around the edge of the party and stops a
dancing woman who points to Holly's "office.

A98
10

16 HOLLY'S OFFICE - SAME 16
McClane pauses at the door and notes the name, then knocks.
It is opened by Takagi. Ellis sits behind Holly's secretary's
desk and nervously taps a tightly-rolled dollar bill.
MCCLANE
Sorry, I was looking for —
TAKAGI
Holly Gennaro?
MCCLANE
Yeah...
TAKAGI
Then you must be John McClane.
(introducing
himself)
Joe Takagi, John. How was your
ride in?
Ellis subtly runs a checking finger under his nose then stands
to shake hands with McClane. McClane takes it all in.
MCCLANE
Nice. Do I have you to thank for
that?
TAKAGI
Or blame for it. She was going to
meet you herself, but I threw some
things at her at the last minutes.
(motions to Ellis)
John, this is Harry Ellis one of our
shining stars in international sales.
(to Ellis)
John is a New York policeman.
ELLIS
(shaking hands)
Pleasure to meet you. I've heard
a lot about you from your ex-...
(correcting
himself)
...your wife.
We can tell by McClane's look that he doesn't think much of
Ellis. McClane holds Ellis' look and runs his finger subtly
under his nose.
MCCLANE
(low, to Elli.s)
You missed some.

(CONTINUED)

A98
11

16 CONTINUED: 16
yflE^X

MCCLANE (Cont.)
(to Takagi)
Well, you fellas throw quite a
Christmas party.
Ellis automatically puts his hand to his face before
realizing his face is clean.

TAKAGI
Well, actually it's also a little
celebration for a deal we closed
this afternoon. A $150,000,000
deal. A deal we have Holly to
thank a lot for —
Holly enters. Seeing McClane momentarily stops her.
J
/
HOLLY
(surprised)
John...Oh...Did you meet everyone? —

TAKAGI
No, we've been sticking spears in
^S*!S\ him...of course he has.
McClane and Holly look at each other for a moment awkwardly
then she kisses him on the cheek. The awkwardness pleases
Ellis.
TAKAGI
(to McClane)
She's made for this business.
Tough as nails.

ELLIS
Show him the watch.
He points to a new gold Rolex on Holly's wrist.
HOLLY
(giving him
a look)
I will later.
ELLIS
Ahh...Show him. Don't be
embarrassed.
(to McClane)
A little something to show how much
we appreciate her good work.
(CONTINUED)

A98
12

16 CONTINUED: (2) 16

Holly fixes Ellis with a lethal look.
MCCLANE
I'm sure I'll see it later. Right
now I could use a place to wash up.
Genres: ["Action","Thriller","Drama"]

Summary This scene takes place in two different locations: the Los Angeles Police Station and the Nakatomi building in Century City, both at night. At the police station, Sergeant Al Powell handles a minor crisis while on a phone call with his pregnant wife. Meanwhile, John McClane arrives at the Nakatomi building and is greeted by his wife Holly's assistant, Harry Ellis, leading to tension between them. Takagi, the president of Nakatomi, introduces himself and Holly to McClane. The main conflict in this scene is the tension between McClane and Ellis, while another conflict is Powell's struggle to maintain order in the police station while dealing with his wife's pregnancy cravings. The tone of this scene is tense and uncomfortable.
Strengths
  • Sharp dialogue
  • Tension-filled interactions
  • Establishing character dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Some awkward moments could be further developed for impact

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively establishes the characters, their relationships, and the setting. It creates tension and sets the stage for future conflicts.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a cop trying to reconcile with his wife in the midst of a high-stakes situation is engaging and sets up potential conflicts and character development.

Plot: 7

The plot moves forward as John McClane arrives at the Nakatomi building and interacts with his wife and her coworkers. It sets up the conflict and tension that will unfold.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh approach to a typical police station setting, with unique character interactions and a focus on power dynamics. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-defined, with John McClane portrayed as a tough cop trying to reconnect with his wife, Holly, and Ellis as a smug coworker. The interactions between the characters add depth and tension to the scene.

Character Changes: 6

There is a subtle hint of character change, especially in John McClane's attempt to reconcile with his wife and navigate the tense situation.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to maintain composure and professionalism in a potentially dangerous situation. This reflects his need to stay in control and handle difficult circumstances calmly.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to gather information from the suspect and handle the situation with the two cops. This reflects the immediate challenge of dealing with a suspect and maintaining order in the police station.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

There is a moderate level of conflict in the scene, primarily in the interactions between John McClane, Holly, and Ellis. Tension and awkwardness add to the conflict.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist facing challenges from the suspect and the two cops. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of how the protagonist will handle the situation.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are moderately high, as John McClane tries to reconcile with his wife amidst a tense situation at the Nakatomi building.

Story Forward: 8

The scene effectively moves the story forward by introducing key characters, setting up conflicts, and hinting at future developments.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected actions of the characters and the shifting power dynamics. The audience is kept on their toes, unsure of how the situation will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the use of power and authority in law enforcement. The protagonist's beliefs about handling suspects and maintaining control are challenged by the actions and attitudes of the two cops.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

The scene elicits a moderate emotional impact, mainly through the awkward interactions and the hint of unresolved issues between the characters.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is sharp and reveals the dynamics between the characters. It conveys tension, awkwardness, and hints at underlying conflicts.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its tense atmosphere, sharp dialogue, and character dynamics. The interactions between the characters keep the audience invested in the unfolding events.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a gradual build-up of tension and suspense. The rhythm of the dialogue and character actions enhances the effectiveness of the scene.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character actions. The formatting enhances the readability and flow of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the effectiveness of the scene.


Critique
  • The scene is a bit too long. It might be more effective if it were shorter and more focused.
  • The dialogue is a bit stilted and unnatural. It would be more engaging if it were more conversational.
  • The characters are not very well developed. The audience needs to know more about them in order to care about them.
  • The scene doesn't really advance the plot. It's mostly just exposition.
  • The action is a bit slow-paced. It would be more exciting if it were faster-paced and more intense.
Suggestions
  • Shorten the scene by cutting out some of the unnecessary dialogue and action.
  • Make the dialogue more natural by using more contractions and colloquialisms.
  • Develop the characters more by adding more details about their backgrounds and motivations.
  • Advance the plot by having the characters take some kind of action that moves the story forward.
  • Increase the pace of the action by adding more action sequences or by making the existing action sequences more intense.



Scene 4 - Arrival at Nakatomi Plaza and Reunion of Holly and McClane
17 EXT. NAKATOMI - NIGHT 17

A UPS truck turns off Olympic into the underground parking
garage of Nakatomi.

18 INT. PARKING GARAGE 18

It goes down the ramp and passes William's black limo. William
I is not visible in the front. The back windows are tinted.

19 INT. LIMO - SAME 19

William sits in the backseat. He is making a drink from the
bar with the TV on and his rap music blasting from the
cassette player, oblivious to the truck passing behind him.

20 INT. PARKING GARAGE - SAME 20
The UPS truck stops in front of the service elevator on the
next level down. As the truck idles, the uniformed driver
makes a note on his clipboard.

21 INT. ELLIS' OFFICE- WASHROOM - NIGHT 21

Holly sits in Ellis' office — a Sharper Image kind of place.
Through a door to the private washroom, she watches McClane
in his T-shirt finish washing his face.
HOLLY
Sorry about Ellis. He has a
hard time this time of year...
MCCLANE
Hey, I know the type. He thought
he was God's greatest gift.
They both smile, a reminder of something past.
HOLLY
So, where are you staying? This
all happened so fast I didn't
even ask you on the phone.
(CONTINUED)
A98
13

21 . CONTINUED: 21
J^tn\


McClane finishes drying his face and steps to the doorway.
MCCLANE
Well, Cappy Roberts retired out
here a couple years ago. He said
I could bunk with him.
HOLLY
Oh...Where does he live?
MCCLANE
Pomona.
HOLLY
PomonaI You'll be in the car
the whole time...Look, let's make
this easy. I have a spare bedroom.
It's not huge, but the kids would
love to have you at the house.
McClane fixes her with a look.
MCCLANE
How about you?
HOLLY
(beat, honest)
I would too.
MCCLANE
I feel kinda stupid asking how
things are going, that seems
pretty obvious.
He nods at her new watch. She rubs her watchband
self-consciously and when she looks up McClane is staring
at her.
MCCLANE
God, you look good.
HOLLY
(pleased, smiles)
You don't look half-bad yourself.
They lock eyes for a moment, but it's an intense moment that
says a lot about how they still feel about each other. Just
then a man and a woman, both a little tipsy, open the door
to the office, see that its occupied and beat a hasty
/Si^V retreat. The interruption temporarily dents the mood.
Holly tries to smile.
(CONTINUED)


A98
14

21 ' CONTINUED: (2) 21
HOLLY
Welcome to L.A...I've missed you.
She leaves and McClane smiles to himself — it's a start. He
looks at all the lavishness around him and picks up a phone
on the wall by the toilet. He opens his wallet and takes out
the phone number William gave him. A photo of his children
stops him.
22 INSERT - THE PHOTO 22
Holly and the two children we saw at Holly's house. He flips
it over. On the back in crude but painstaking hand of a
five-year-old it says: WE MISS YOU, DADDY. LOVE JOHN (and
in more primative letters) LUCY.
23 MCCLANE 23
returns the photo to his wallet, dials the number and begins
to unlace his shoes.
Genres: ["Action","Thriller","Drama"]

Summary A UPS truck enters Nakatomi Plaza's underground garage, while William, unaware, stays in his limo. Holly and McClane reunite in Ellis' office, discussing McClane's stay, leading to a friendly moment. McClane calls his contact, looking at a photo of his children, as Holly offers her spare bedroom for the night.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Character dynamics
  • Dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Lack of clear conflict resolution
  • Limited action

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively balances emotional depth with suspense, setting up the dynamics between characters and hinting at future conflicts.


Story Content

Concept: 7

The concept of reuniting a husband and wife amidst a high-stakes situation is engaging and sets the stage for character development and conflict.

Plot: 8

The plot advances as John McClane arrives at Nakatomi building and reunites with his wife, introducing key characters and setting up potential conflicts.

Originality: 7

The scene introduces a familiar theme of reconciliation and second chances but approaches it with a fresh perspective through nuanced character interactions and emotional depth. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed, with John McClane and Holly displaying a mix of love, tension, and history in their interactions. Ellis adds a layer of conflict and unease.

Character Changes: 6

While there are hints of character dynamics and potential changes, they are not fully realized in this scene.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to reconnect with his estranged wife and children, as well as navigate his feelings towards her. This reflects his deeper desire for reconciliation and emotional connection.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to find a place to stay in Los Angeles. This reflects the immediate challenge of his current situation and the need for accommodation.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

While there is underlying tension and potential for conflict, it is not fully realized in this scene.

Opposition: 6

The opposition in the scene is subtle, primarily internal conflicts and emotional barriers that the protagonist must overcome. The uncertainty of the outcome adds tension and complexity to the scene.

High Stakes: 6

The stakes are not fully established in this scene, but there is a sense of underlying tension and potential danger.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing key characters, setting up relationships, and hinting at future conflicts.

Unpredictability: 6

This scene is unpredictable in terms of the characters' emotional responses and the subtle shifts in their interactions. The audience is kept guessing about the outcome of the protagonist's attempts at reconciliation.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the tension between past relationships and the desire for a fresh start. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs about forgiveness, second chances, and personal growth.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions through the reunion of John and Holly, as well as the subtle hints of past love and longing.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is natural and reveals the complex emotions and relationships between the characters, adding depth to the scene.

Engagement: 8

This scene is engaging because of the emotional depth, subtle character dynamics, and relatable themes of reconciliation and second chances. The dialogue and interactions draw the audience in and create a sense of intimacy.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a balance of dialogue, action, and emotional beats. The rhythm of the scene contributes to its effectiveness in conveying the characters' emotions and motivations.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and concise, following industry standards for screenplay format. It enhances the visual storytelling and readability of the scene.

Structure: 9

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with clear transitions between locations and well-paced dialogue. The formatting enhances the readability and flow of the scene.


Critique
  • The scene is a bit slow and doesn't advance the plot much.
  • The dialogue between McClane and Holly is a bit forced and unnatural.
  • The scene doesn't really give us any new information about the characters or their motivations.
  • The scene is a bit too focused on exposition and not enough on action or character development.
  • The scene could be more visually interesting. For example, you could show McClane and Holly walking through the Nakatomi building or interacting with other characters.
  • The scene could be more suspenseful. For example, you could have McClane and Holly overhear a conversation between the terrorists or see them planting a bomb.
  • The scene could be more emotionally resonant. For example, you could have McClane and Holly talk about their relationship or their hopes for the future.
  • The scene could be more character driven. For example, you could have McClane and Holly argue about something or have them make a difficult decision.
Suggestions
  • Add more action or suspense to the scene.
  • Make the dialogue more natural and revealing.
  • Give us more information about the characters' motivations.
  • Make the scene more visually interesting.
  • Make the scene more emotionally resonant.
  • Make the scene more character driven.



Scene 5 - Takeover of the Building and Murder of the Guard
24 INT. BUILDING LOBBY - SAME 24
The Guard at the front desk notices the UPS truck on his
monitor. The Guard continues to watch the UPS truck and
only half notices as a BMW pulls up in front of the building
and two extremely well-dressed, BUSINESSMEN (late twenties)
climb out and start up the stairs for the door. As they
cross the lobby to the Guard's table to sign-in, we hear
•their conversation.
MAN #1 (THEO)
(animatedly)
...So, Kareem rebounds — listen,
this is a great play — feeds Worthy
on the break, over to A.C., to Magic,
back to Worthy in the lane and —
Suddenly the other man pulls out a Walther pistol with a
silencer and aims it at the Guard's forehead. Before the
Guard can react he pulls the trigger.
MAN #1 (THEO)
(dryly)
Boom...two points.
(The speed with which the murder takes place sets the tone
for the rest of the action.) The killer moves behind the
desk, stepping over a small pool of blood from the Guard.
His name is KARL, big, with long blond hair like a rock
drummer. Karl takes off the silencer and looks at the
(CONTINUED)


A98
15

24 CONTINUED: 24
J0£\
video monitor of the UPS truck. The first man, THEO, opens
his briefcase and takes out a portable CB radio.
THEO
(on CB)
We're in.
25 ON THE SCREEN 25
the driver nods at the security camera as several men climb
out the rear of the van and begin unloading wooden crates•by
the service elevator.
26 INT. BUILDING OPERATIONS CONTROL ROOM 26
Theo enters the small control room and comfortably sits
behind a maintenance keyboard. With a few typed-in commands
}
he locks down the passenger elevators up to the 32nd floor.
i Then with several more computer commands, .systematically
causes:
27 THE HEAVY STEEL GATES TO THE PARKING GARAGE CLOSE 27
28 THE ESCALATORS TO THE GARAGE COME TO A STOP 28
29 THE POWERFUL BLOWERS IN THE AIR CONDITIONING TOWER 29
ON THE ROOF SUDDENLY STOP AND WE HEAR JUST THE
TRICKLE OF WATER IN THE COOLING TOWER
30 CONTROL ROOM - SAME 30
Theo finishes typing and disconnects the keyboard and pulls
out the wires from beneath the panel.
31 INT. LOBBY - SAME 31
The doors to a service elevator open TO REVEAL HANS GRUBER,
impeccably dressed, lean and handsome, he steps out into the
lobby like he owns the building — and in a way he does.
Theo steps to the door of the control room and tosses Hans
the Guard's master keys. Hans goes to the front door and
locks it. He looks out at the street — not a creature is
stirring — Century City is quiet.
32 KARL 32
waits beside an elevator which opens REVEALING NINE MEN
dressed in fatigues, all armed with Kalashnikov machine guns
and carrying canvas kit bags. One of them, HEINZ, in his
twenties, goes to the dead guard and immediately begins
\ changing into the dead man's clothes.



A98
16

33 KARL 33
takes a tool case from the elevator and heads silently for
the basement stairwell.
34 THEO 34
leaves the control room and nods to Hans.
35 HEINZ 35

half-dressed in his uniform, takes his position behind the
front desk.
36 HANS 36
looks at his watch and seems pleased. He steps into the
service elevator with the others and presses the button for
1 the 32nd floor. The entire sequence has taken maybe sixty
( seconds.
Genres: ["Action","Thriller"]

Summary In this tense and violent scene, two businessmen, Theo and Karl, enter a building and murder the guard on duty. Theo accesses the control room and locks down the elevators, closes the parking garage gates, stops the escalators, and turns off the air conditioning. Hans Gruber steps out of the service elevator and locks the front door, while Heinz changes into the dead guard's clothes. The group takes control of the building, and the scene ends with the elevators, escalators, and air conditioning locked down.
Strengths
  • Effective setup of main conflict
  • High level of tension and suspense
  • Clear introduction of key characters
Weaknesses
  • Minimal character development in this scene
  • Limited dialogue

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene effectively sets up the main conflict of the story, establishes a high level of tension, and introduces key characters and their roles.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of a group of terrorists taking over a building is a classic action thriller setup that immediately grabs the audience's attention.

Plot: 8

The plot advances significantly as the intruders take control of the building, setting the stage for the main conflict to unfold.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a familiar heist scenario but adds unique elements like the sudden violence, strategic lockdown of the building, and the contrasting personalities of the characters. The dialogue and actions feel authentic and contribute to the scene's originality.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are introduced effectively, with distinct personalities and roles that will drive the story forward.

Character Changes: 6

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the introduction of the intruders sets the stage for potential character development.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is likely survival and possibly revenge for the murder of the guard. The sudden violence and takeover of the building may trigger fear, anger, and a desire to protect oneself and others.

External Goal: 9

The protagonist's external goal is to take control of the building and execute a planned heist. The actions of locking down elevators, escalators, and other systems indicate a strategic and calculated approach to achieving this goal.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The level of conflict is high as the intruders take control of the building, creating a life-threatening situation for the characters.

Opposition: 9

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the sudden violence, strategic takeover of the building, and the presence of armed criminals creating a sense of imminent danger and uncertainty. The audience is left wondering how the protagonist will overcome these obstacles.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are extremely high as the intruders take control of the building, putting the lives of the characters in grave danger.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by introducing the main conflict and escalating the stakes for the characters.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the sudden violence, unexpected actions of the characters, and the strategic twists in the heist plan. The audience is kept guessing about the characters' motives and the outcome of the situation.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the morality of violence, power, and control. The ruthless actions of the criminals contrast with the innocence of the guard and the potential heroism of any resistance.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes fear and tension in the audience, setting a strong emotional tone for the rest of the story.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is minimal but impactful, conveying the seriousness of the situation and the efficiency of the intruders.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its fast-paced action, suspenseful setup, and intriguing characters. The sudden violence and strategic heist plan keep the audience on edge.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a balance of action, dialogue, and visual descriptions that maintain tension and momentum. The rapid progression of events keeps the audience engaged and invested in the unfolding heist.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene's formatting adheres to the expected format for a suspenseful action scene, with clear scene headings, character descriptions, and action lines.

Structure: 9

The scene follows a structured format for a suspenseful heist setup, with clear progression of events, character introductions, and escalating tension.


Critique
  • The scene starts with a UPS truck entering the building's parking garage. This is a good way to establish the setting and to show that something is about to happen, but it could be more concise.
  • The conversation between Theo and Karl is well-written and sets the tone for the rest of the scene.
  • The murder of the guard is brutal and efficient, and it shows that the terrorists are not to be messed with.
  • Theo's use of the CB radio to communicate with the other terrorists is a nice touch, and it shows that they are well-organized.
  • The scene ends with Hans locking the front door and looking out at the street. This is a good way to create a sense of suspense and to show that the terrorists are now in control of the building.
Suggestions
  • Add more description to the setting. What does the building look like? What time of day is it?
  • Make the conversation between Theo and Karl more specific. What are they talking about?
  • Add more details to the murder of the guard. How does he react? What do the terrorists say?
  • Add more dialogue to the scene. This will help to create tension and to make the characters more relatable.
  • End the scene with a more dramatic moment. For example, have Hans shoot a hostage or have the terrorists start to plant bombs.



Scene 6 - McClane's Failed Attempts to Call for Help and Hans' Approach on the 32nd Floor
37 INT. ELLIS' BATHROOM - 32ND FLOOR - SAME 37
McClane, barefoot, his pant legs rolled up above his ankles.
He finishes dialing and waits for the party to answer.

/Jl//lfl"\ 38 INT. BUILDING BASEMENT - PHONE ROOM 38
A large sign says: PACIFIC BELL EMPLOYEES ONLY. Inside
Karl stands in front of an intimidating matrix of phone lines
— but what he has in mind won't require a doctorate in
Electrical Engineering. He focuses on four CPV plastic
conduits which run out of the main panel over his head and
opens his case REVEALING a compact electric chain saw.
39 INT. ELLIS' BATHROOM - SAME 39
McClane on the phone.
MCCLANE
(on phone)
William?...
40 INT. LIMO 40
William is reclining on the seat. The music is on so loud
that it is nearly impossible to hear.
WILLIAM
So, man, what's the story?
/liBBNy 41 INT. PHONE ROOM - SAME 41
Karl cuts through the four tubes one at a time.



A98
17
42 INT. ELLIS' BATHROOM - SAME 42
ytf&*^S McClane on the phone.
MCCLANE
I'm just calling to —
He stops and gently taps the phone cradle. No dial tone.
43 INT. LIMO 43
William looks at the phone.
WILLIAM
W h a t ? — M r . Mac, you there?
He turns down the music but there is no one on the line.
WILLIAM
(to himself)
Well, call me back, John. You got
the number.
He hangs up and turns the volume back up.
44 ELLIS' OFFICE 44
He hangs up the phone and goes into Ellis' office and picks
up the phone on the desk. It too is dead.
\ 45 INT. SERVICE ELEVATOR 45
Hans and the others approaching the 32nd floor. As they grow
closer we hear the noise of the speakers growing louder and
louder. The men cock their weapons and brace themselves as
the car stops and the elevator doors open. ON THE SOUND OF
GUNSHOTS AND SCREAMS WE:
CUT TO:
46 INT. ELLIS' OFFICE 46
McClane grabs his shoulder harness off the back of the chair
and moves quickly to the doorway. He looks down the hall.
47 HIS P.O.V. 47
Two terrorists, FRANCO and TONY, armed with M-5 machine guns
searching the offices on the hall one by one. They open a
door, look in from the hallway, and move on quickly to the
next. They are four offices away and moving fast.
McClane looks across the corridor and sees the stairwell door
— too far to reach without being seen.
(*** 48 MCCLANE , . 48
steps back, throws off the safety on his Beretta and braces
himself.

A98
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49 HALLWAY - FRANCO AND TONY 49
^0™^

reach the office just before Ellis' and throw open the door
REVEALING the man and woman who interrupted Holly and
McClane a few minutes before, now in the throes of passionate
lovemaking on the desk. The two terrorists smile at each
other then enter the office.
A moment later the man, trying desperately to pull up his
pants and woman buttoning her blouse, are pushed out into
the hall and toward the party, by Tony. The other
terrorist. Franco, goes to Ellis' office and opens the door.
It is empty. Only McClane's shoes and coat remain.
50 INT. STAIRWELL - SAME 50
CLOSE ON McClane's bare feet padding quickly up the concrete
stairs, two at a time. We FOLLOW him up two flights, then
| out onto the:
51 34TH FLOOR 51
i
| Unlike the 32nd it has no surrounding offices, just one
| large secretarial pool with hundreds of desks, hundreds of
phones, dark and deserted. McClane moves quickly to a desk
and picks up a phone. It's out.
P MCCLANE
1
Shit...
Out the windows a high-rise apartment building a half-block
away sparkles with lights. McClane stares at a woman in her
kitchen. We SEE her wipe her hands on an apron and turn to
answer a telephone. It seems so easy.
McCLANE
Think...
52 INT. 32ND FLOOR (HOSTAGE FLOOR) - SAME 52
The employees have been herded to the center of the room
where the desks have been pulled back. Many people are
whimpering. Holly looks around the room for McClane; she
sees Ellis. Takagi, stubbornly refusing to cooperate is
pushed toward the group. Hans steps up on top of a desk
and looks over the group.
HANS
(soothing, in control)
Ladies and gentlemen, due to Nakatomi's
legacy of greed in Third World countries,
it is about to be made an example. You,
{ unfortunately, are part of the recompense.

(CONTINUED)

A98
19

52 CONTINUED: 52
HANS (Cont.)
We are going to collect identification.
This is not a pillage — we do not want
your wallets or money. A driver's
license or ID with a photo will do nicely.
Several of the terrorists begin collecting IDs as people hunt
for ID.
HANS
At present we have no intentions of
hurting anyone. If our demands are
not met, however — expect that to
change.
(beat, smiles)
Your cooperation is appreciated.
f He steps down from the desk and goes into:
/
53 HOLLY'S OFFICE 53
where a terrorist with glasses, FRITZ, has begun to set up
operations. A large CB unit is placed on her desk and a TV
monitor is put on the credenza. While he works, Hans picks
up an 8x10 photo on the credenza.
y 54 CLOSE - THE PHOTO 54
The same one that we saw in McClane's wallet of Holly and
the children.
55 HANS 55
He puts the photo back. Franco (who checked Ellis' office)
brings McClane*s coat, socks and shoes. Hans examines the
clothes and looks at the man who brought them.
HANS
Is this all?
FRANCO
(nods)
Do you want us to search for him?
HANS
No. He can't signal for help and
he cannot get out.
Hans feels the fabric of McClane's topcoat as Franco leaves
and Takagi is brought to the office. Hans smiles.
jt0>&\


(CONTINUED)



A98
20

55 CONTINUED: 55
f*y HANS
(pleasantly)
Mr, Takagi, my name is Hans Gruber.
Would you come with me, please?
Genres: ["Action","Thriller"]

Summary John McClane tries to call for help but finds the phone lines dead. He realizes the terrorists have cut the phone lines in the basement and hears gunshots and screams as Hans and his group approach the 32nd floor. McClane quickly runs up to the 34th floor, but all the phones there are dead as well. Meanwhile, Hans and his group collect identification from the hostages and Takagi is brought into Holly's office. Hans feels McClane's coat, which Franco brought in after checking Ellis' office. The scene ends with Hans feeling McClane's coat in Holly's office, as Takagi is brought in and the terrorists begin collecting identification from the hostages. The main conflict in this scene is that McClane is trying to call for help, but the terrorists have cut the phone lines, adding to the tense and action-packed tone.
Strengths
  • Tension-building
  • Establishing high stakes
  • Introducing key characters
Weaknesses
  • Limited emotional depth
  • Dialogue could be more impactful

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene effectively builds tension, introduces key characters, and sets up a high-stakes situation, keeping the audience engaged and on the edge of their seats.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of a terrorist takeover in a corporate building, the collection of IDs, and the establishment of control over the hostages is well-executed and sets the stage for the unfolding conflict.

Plot: 8

The plot advances significantly with the introduction of the terrorists, their objectives, and the hostages, creating a sense of urgency and danger.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a familiar action genre premise but adds unique elements such as the use of technology and the moral dilemma faced by the protagonist. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and contribute to the suspenseful atmosphere.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are distinct and play crucial roles in the unfolding events, with John McClane standing out as the protagonist who will likely drive the action forward.

Character Changes: 6

While there is potential for character growth and development, it is not fully realized in this scene.

Internal Goal: 8

McClane's internal goal is to protect his wife and the other hostages from the terrorists. This reflects his deeper desire for redemption and to prove himself as a capable hero.

External Goal: 7

McClane's external goal is to outsmart and defeat the terrorists to save the hostages and escape the building. This reflects the immediate challenge he is facing in the scene.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict is high as the terrorists take control of the building, setting up a dangerous situation for the hostages and creating a sense of imminent danger.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the terrorists posing a significant threat to the protagonist and the hostages, creating a sense of danger and uncertainty.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high as innocent hostages are held captive by ruthless terrorists, creating a sense of urgency and danger.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by introducing the main conflict, key characters, and setting up the central premise of the narrative.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists and turns in the plot, keeping the audience guessing about the characters' fates.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between the terrorists' ruthless pursuit of their goals and McClane's determination to protect innocent lives. This challenges McClane's beliefs in justice and morality.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes fear, tension, and anxiety in the audience, but could further explore emotional depth and character connections.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is functional, serving to convey information and establish the characters' motivations, but could be more dynamic and impactful.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its fast-paced action, high stakes, and suspenseful atmosphere that keeps the audience invested in the characters' fates.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by maintaining a sense of urgency and building suspense leading to the climax.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character actions.

Structure: 9

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, building tension and conflict leading to a climactic moment.


Critique
  • The scene is too long and lacks focus. It tries to do too much in one go, and as a result, it feels disjointed and confusing.
  • The dialogue is stilted and unnatural. The characters speak in a way that no real person would, and it makes the scene feel forced and unrealistic.
  • The action is confusing and hard to follow. The reader is not always clear on what is happening, and the scene suffers as a result.
  • The pacing is off. The scene starts off slowly, then speeds up suddenly, then slows down again. This makes it difficult for the reader to stay engaged.
  • The scene lacks tension. The reader is never really worried about the characters, and as a result, the scene feels flat and uninteresting.
Suggestions
  • Break the scene up into smaller, more manageable ch