Heathers

Genres: Drama, Comedy, Dark Comedy, Teen Drama



Summary In this screenplay, the story follows Veronica Sawyer and her interactions with the popular clique, the Heathers. The scenes depict various conflicts and tensions that arise throughout the story, including Veronica's resistance to conforming to the Heathers' ways, her involvement in manipulative actions, and her changing dynamic with J.D., a troubled and manipulative character. The emotional tone of the screenplay varies from sardonic and detached to dark and violent, with moments of dark comedy and suspense. The significant visual elements include croquet games, the use of props like the hanging doll and the gun, and the portrayal of the school environment. The story ultimately revolves around Veronica's journey of self-discovery and her challenge to navigate the toxic social dynamics of high school.


Screenplay Story Analysis

Story Critique The plot/story of the screenplay has some strong elements, such as the exploration of teenage angst and the dark humor. The conflicts and emotional tones are well-established, creating a tense and engaging narrative. The use of visual elements, such as the croquet game and the hanging doll, adds depth to the storytelling. However, there are some areas that could be improved. The character arcs could be more fully developed, particularly for Veronica and J.D. Their motivations and actions sometimes feel inconsistent or unclear. Additionally, some scenes lack significant visual elements or actions, which could make them feel stagnant or less engaging. Overall, the plot/story has potential but could benefit from further refinement and clarity.

Suggestions: To improve the plot/story, consider further developing the character arcs of Veronica and J.D. This could involve exploring their backgrounds, motivations, and internal conflicts in more depth. Additionally, focus on creating more visually dynamic scenes by incorporating significant visual elements or actions. This could help to enhance the overall cinematic experience and keep the audience engaged. Finally, ensure that the conflicts and emotional tones are consistently maintained throughout the screenplay, as this will help to create a cohesive and impactful narrative.

Note: This is the overall critique. For scene by scene critique click here



Summary of Scene Level Analysis

Scene Strengths
  • Sharp and witty dialogue
  • Effective blend of dark humor and drama
  • Strong character development
  • Compelling plot twists
  • Engaging character interactions
Scene Weaknesses
  • Limited emotional impact
  • Limited character changes
  • Relatively low stakes
  • Lack of depth in exploring the theme
  • Some elements may be disturbing for sensitive viewers
Suggestions
  • Consider creating higher stakes and stronger emotional impact to increase audience engagement
  • Further explore the theme and characters to increase depth and complexity
  • Refine some dialogue to better fit with the tone and themes of the screenplay
  • Consider the potential impact on sensitive viewers and adjust as necessary
  • Continue to develop craft in building tension, pacing, and character arcs

Note: This is the synthesis. See scene by scene analysis here


How scenes compare to the Scripts in our Library

Note: The ratings are the averages of all the scenes.
Title
Grade
Percentile Before After
Dialogue 8.9  99 Breaking bad, episode 306: 8.7 Community: 9.7
Characters 8.9  98 Silence of the lambs: 8.8 Black mirror 304: 8.9
Story Forward 8.3  77 Breaking bad, episode 306: 8.2 Black panther: 8.3
Character Changes 6.6  77 Inglorious Basterds: 6.5 Birdman or (The Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance): 6.7
Overall 8.4  68 Mo: 8.3 Avatar: 8.4
Plot 8.1  54 The sweet hereafter: 8.0 Vice: 8.1
Conflict Level 7.6  51 The Shawshank Redemption: 7.5 Get Out: 7.6
High Stakes 7.1  42 Mo: 7.0 Birdman or (The Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance): 7.1
Emotional Impact 7.0  29 Catch me if you can: 6.9 glass Onion Knives Out : 7.0
Concept 7.4  16 Mind Hunter: 7.3 legally blonde: 7.4



See the full analysis by clicking the title.

1 Veronica's Morning Improve Elegiac, Sullen, Angry, Amusing 8 7 7 8 57686 9
2 The Lunchroom Prank Improve Sarcastic, Humorous, Cynical 8 7 8 9 68686 9
3 The Lunchroom Prank Improve Sarcastic, Cynical, Dark 8 7 8 9 68686 9
4 The Lunchroom Prank Improve Whimsical, Satirical, Sarcastic 8 7 8 9 47585 9
5 Croquet Game and Lunchroom Prank Improve Serene, Grim, Hesitant, Amused, Incredulous, Delighted 8 7 8 9 67686 8
6 7-11 Run Improve Reluctance, Humor, Casual 8 7 7 9 75466 9
7 Veronica's Rebellion Improve Sarcastic, Satirical, Dark 8 7 8 9 78897 9
8 Late Night Croquet and Confessions Improve Humorous, Reflective, Sarcastic 8 7 8 9 77687 9
9 Toxic Concoction Improve Dark, Sarcastic, Cynical 8 7 7 8 67686 9
10 The Hangover Cure Improve Dark, Satirical, Humorous 9 8 9 9 89998 8
11 The Suicide Note Improve Satirical, Dark, Humorous 8 7 7 8 66577 9
12 The Funeral Improve Humorous, Sarcastic, Melancholic 8 7 7 9 66687 9
13 Funeral and Reflections Improve Dark, Cynical, Satirical 9 8 8 9 77687 9
14 Cow Tipping and Funeral Preparations Improve Dark, Cynical, Humorous 8 7 7 9 46575 8
15 Preparing for the Funeral Improve Dark, Cynical, Humorous 8 8 7 9 57786 9
16 The Funeral Improve Dark, Cynical, Humorous 8 7 9 8 69897 7
17 Funeral and Faked Deaths Improve Dark, Cynical, Humorous 8 7 8 9 78897 9
18 The Funeral Improve Dark, Cynical, Sarcastic 8 7 7 9 56576 8
19 Chaos and Cynicism Improve Dark, Cynical, Angry, Playful 9 8 9 9 88999 9
20 Blackmail and Reflection Improve Dark, Cynical, Humorous 9 8 9 9 78897 10
21 Croquet and Cynicism Improve Dark, Cynical, Sarcastic 8 7 7 9 68678 9
22 Cynical Reflections Improve Cynical, Humorous 9 8 9 9 77898 9
23 Veronica and J.D. Discuss Chaos and Faking Deaths Improve Dark, Cynical, Sarcastic 9 8 9 9 89998 10
24 Veronica Confronts Heather Duke Improve Dark, Cynical, Sarcastic 9 8 9 9 89898 10
25 Confrontation and Revelation Improve Frustration, Cynicism, Defiance 9 8 9 9 89998 10
26 The Bomb Plot Improve Dark, Cynical, Tense 9 8 9 9 891098 9
27 The Final Showdown Improve Dark, Cynical, Tense 9 8 9 9 9101099 9
28 The New Sheriff Improve Tense, Disturbing, Empowering 9 8 9 9 99998 8


Scene 1 - Veronica's Morning
HEATHERS

by

Daniel Waters
FADE IN:

1 EXT. SAWYER'S BACKYARD -- DAWN 1

Elegiac music murmurs as three female and barefoot PAIRS OF
LEGS in skirts break from tableau to gently engage in Croquet.
A blue mallet hits a blue ball through a wicket, a green
mallet knocks a green ball, and a yellow mallet pushes forward
a yellow ball, all in enticing syncopation.

Suddenly a red ball rockets through the dew covered grass and
hits the green ball. The LEGS all stop moving as a FOURTH PAIR
OF LEGS, this one in stylish shoes and stockings, marches to
the red ball and steps on it. A red mallet is brought down
hard on the red ball causing the adjacent green ball to
thunder out of view. The Pair of Legs manuevering the green
ball departs. This process of elimination is grimly
repeated with the yellow ball and yet again with the blue
ball.

However, when the BLUE MALLETED PLAYER makes her sad exit,
the viewer's viewpoint glides along with this particular Pair
of Legs. A red ball whizzes by. The Legs stop. Another red
ball malevolently sails past the Legs. Then yet another red
ball. A fourth red ball makes brutal contact with the Legs
causing the Player to fall to her knees and into the frame. The
Player is VERONICA SAWYER.

2 INT. VERONICA'S BEDROOM -- DAY 2

VERONICA SAWYER, a sullen seventeen year old beauty, lies atop
her bed dressed in a chic but understated ensemble, her eyes
glazed open in a morning reverie. She blows up at her bangs
then slides off her bed, launching into voice-over narration
over the empty bed.

VERONICA (V.O.)
Heather told me she teaches people
Real Life.

3 INT. HIGH SCHOOL HALLWAY -- DAY 3

Continuing her narration, VERONICA glides through a bustling
high school hallway with a frozen smile.

VERONICA (V.O.)
She said Real Life sucks Losers dry.
If you want to fuck with the eagles,
you have to learn to fly.

4 INT. HALLWAY OUTSIDE CAFETERIA -- DAY 4

With her back turned to the viewer, VERONICA stands at the
outskirts of the cafeteria entrance. The viewer's viewpoint
approaches and finally curls around VERONICA to reveal that
she is writing in a diary, wearing a monocle.
VERONICA (V.O.)
I said so you teach people how to
spread their wings and fly. She
said Yes.

THE DIARY PAGE

VERONICA'S pen sways across the diary page forming the words
echoed by her voice-over.

VERONICA (V.O.)
I said You're Beautiful.

A sudden off-screen bark from HEATHER MCNAMARA causes the pen
to recklessly rocket across the written words.

HEATHER MCNAMARA (O.S.)
God, come ON Veronica!

VERONICA coolly pops the monocle from her eye before angrily
addressing the amusingly robust, conventionally beautiful,
trendily coiffed HEATHER MCNAMARA.

VERONICA
What's your damage, Heather? You
ruined my...

HEATHER MCNAMARA
God, I'm so sure. Don't blame me,
blame Heather. She told me to haul
your ass into the caf pronto. Back
me up, Heather.

From behind HEATHER MCNAMARA emerges a similarly trendily
accessorized but noticeably more inhibited waif, HEATHER DUKE.
She is clutching a tattered copy of "The Catcher in the Rye."

HEATHER DUKE
Yeah, she really wants to talk to you.

VERONICA
Okay, I'm going, I'm going. Jesus...
Genres: ["Drama","Comedy"]

Summary The scene opens with a serene croquet game in Sawyer's backyard, but quickly turns grim as Veronica is targeted by multiple red balls. The scene then transitions to Veronica's bedroom where she reflects on her friend Heather's teachings about 'Real Life.' Veronica is interrupted by Heather McNamara and Heather Duke, who inform her that someone wants to talk to her. Veronica reluctantly agrees and heads towards the cafeteria.
Strengths
  • Sharp and witty dialogue
  • Symbolic use of croquet game
  • Establishes character dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Limited emotional impact
  • Minimal character changes

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively sets up the tone and introduces the main character, Veronica. The use of croquet as a metaphor adds depth to the scene. The dialogue is sharp and engaging. However, the scene could benefit from stronger emotional impact and more significant character changes.


Story Content

Concept: 7

The concept of using a croquet game to represent elimination and foreshadow conflict is intriguing. It adds a layer of symbolism to the scene and sets up the themes of competition and power dynamics.

Plot: 7

The plot of the scene revolves around Veronica being targeted and interrupted by her friends. It effectively establishes the conflict and sets up the next sequence of events.

Originality: 0


Character Development

Characters: 8

Veronica is introduced as a sullen and sarcastic character, which immediately creates intrigue. Heather McNamara and Heather Duke are also introduced, each with their distinct personalities and speaking styles. The characters are engaging and leave room for development.

Character Changes: 5

There is minimal character change in the scene. Veronica remains sullen and sarcastic throughout, while Heather McNamara and Heather Duke maintain their personalities. This could be improved to create more dynamic character arcs.

Internal Goal: 0

External Goal: 0


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict in the scene is relatively low, with Veronica being interrupted and targeted by her friends. It sets up the potential for further conflicts and tensions.

Opposition: 0

High Stakes: 6

The stakes in the scene are relatively low, with Veronica being interrupted and asked to go to the cafeteria. However, it hints at potential higher stakes and conflicts to come.

Story Forward: 8

The scene effectively moves the story forward by introducing conflicts and setting up the next sequence of events. It establishes Veronica's relationships and her attitude towards 'Real Life.'

Unpredictability: 0

Philosophical Conflict: 0


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

The emotional impact of the scene is moderate. Veronica's frustration and sarcasm evoke some emotional response, but it could be heightened with stronger character changes and higher stakes.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is sharp, witty, and sarcastic, capturing the tone of the scene and the characters' personalities. It adds humor and depth to the interactions.

Engagement: 0

Pacing: 0


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 0

Structure: 0


Critique
  • The scene starts with an interesting visual of legs playing croquet, but it goes on for too long and becomes repetitive.
  • The dialogue between Veronica and Heather McNamara feels forced and lacks depth.
  • The use of voice-over narration can be effective, but in this scene, it feels overused and detached.
  • The introduction of Heather Duke and her holding a copy of 'The Catcher in the Rye' feels cliché and unoriginal.
  • The emotional tone of the scene is unclear and inconsistent, making it difficult for the audience to connect with the characters.
Suggestions
  • Consider shortening the croquet scene and finding a way to make it more visually interesting.
  • Work on developing more natural and meaningful dialogue between Veronica and Heather McNamara.
  • Use voice-over narration more sparingly and find ways to integrate it more seamlessly into the scene.
  • Reconsider the introduction of Heather Duke and find a way to make her character more unique and interesting.
  • Focus on establishing a clear emotional tone for the scene and make sure it is consistent throughout.



Scene 2 - The Lunchroom Prank
5 INT. INSIDE THE CAFETERIA -- DAY 5
A5 A5
VERONICA, flanked by HEATHER MCNAMARA and HEATHER DUKE,
strides into the lunchroom pandemonium.

The stunning HEATHER CHANDLER turns from the tray before her
toward her incoming comrades. She is dressed stylishly and
expensively but not trendily; her hair, dramatically tied
back.

VERONICA
(submissively)
Hello, Heather.

Pulling out a crumpled piece of yellow paper, HEATHER
CHANDLER smiles. The content of what Heather says is
consistently offensive but the tone in which she speaks
is sexy, dangerous, and mysterious. She is a mythic bitch.

HEATHER CHANDLER
Veronica. Finally. Got a paper of
Kurt Kelly's. I need you to forge
a hot and horny but realistically
low-key note in Kurt's handwriting
and we'll slip it into Martha
Dumptruck's lunch tray.

VERONICA
Shit, Heather. I don't have anything
against Martha Dunnstock.

HEATHER CHANDLER
You don't have anything FOR her
either. Come on, it'll be Very. The
note'll give her shower nozzle
masturbation material for weeks.

VERONICA
I'll think about it.

HEATHER CHANDLER
(looking off)
Don't think.

B5 POV ON CAFETERIA LINE B5

Unattractive and quite overweight, MARTHA DUNNSTOCK/DUMPTRUCK
guiltily plops two jellos on her tray and clunks forward in
line.

C5 CAFETERIA ENTRANCE C5

VERONICA's arm, seemingly involuntary, latches onto the
outstretched pen.

HEATHER CHANDLER
Splendid. I'll dictate. Veronica
needs something to write on.
Heather, bend over.

Both HEATHER MCNAMARA and HEATHER DUKE bend over. HEATHER
CHANDLER violently laughs.

HEATHER CHANDLER
How nice. Two assholes: no waiting.

HEATHER MCNAMARA and HEATHER DUKE stand erect, embarrassed.

HEATHER CHANDLER
Heather Duke, back down.

VERONICA scurries to the contorting HEATHER DUKE.

HEATHER CHANDLER
Dear Martha, you're so sweet..
D5 THE JOCKS' TABLE D5

The traditionally handsome KURT KELLY and the massive RAM sit
with other typical Jocks taking in VERONICA and the HEATHERS.

KURT
It'd be so righteous to be in a
Veronica Sawyer-Heather Chandler
sandwich. Punch it in, Ram.

KURT and RAM raise their right arms and slam their fists
together.

RAM
Hell yes. I wanna set a Heather on
my Johnson and just start spinning
her like a fucking pinwheel.

RAM makes a frantic spinning motion.

E5 CAFETERIA ENTRANCE E5

In slow motion, VERONICA finishes the note and rises up along
with her makeshift desk, HEATHER DUKE.

HEATHER MCNAMARA hawkishly gazes toward the cafeteria line.

VERONICA hands the note to an impressed HEATHER CHANDLER.

MARTHA DUNNSTOCK/DUMPTRUCK pays the CASHIER and then, grasping
her lunch tray with both hands, moves toward VERONICA and the
HEATHERS.

HEATHER MCNAMARA excitedly tugs on HEATHER CHANDLER'S arm as
MARTHA approaches. With a tranquil smile, HEATHER CHANDLER
passes the note to her frantic disciple.

In a self-consciously clandestine manner, HEATHER MCNAMARA
saunters past MARTHA then wields around to sneakily tuck the
note onto MARTHA's tray.

The slow motion concludes as their plump victim shuffles
past a magnetic preppie PETER DAWSON and a thin, black,
bespectacled DENNIS. The guys are working a large stand which
has a cashbox reading THE FOODLESS FUND and a banner reading
WESTERBURG FEEDS THE WORLD.

PETER
Come on people, let's give that
leftover lunch money to people
without lunches! Those tater tots
you threw away today are a delicacy
in Africa! They're Thanksgiving dinner!

F5 HEATHERS' TABLE F5

The Girls reach their table with HEATHER MCNAMARA and HEATHER
DUKE sitting themselves down first.
HEATHER MCNAMARA
(looking to the stand)
God, aren't they fed yet? Do they
even have Thanksgiving in Africa?

VERONICA
(low key sarcasm)
Oh sure, Pilgrims, Indians, tater
tots; it's a real party continent.

HEATHER CHANDLER draws up a clipboard.

HEATHER CHANDLER
Sawyer. Guess what today is?

VERONICA
Ouch....the lunchtime poll. So
what's the question?

HEATHER DUKE
Yeah, so what's the question?

HEATHER CHANDLER
God-damn Heather, you were with me
in Study Hall when I thought of it.
Such a pillowcase.

HEATHER DUKE
(hurt)
I forgot.

G5 ANOTHER ANGLE G5

VERONICA and HEATHER CHANDLER briskly bop away from the table
as a wounded HEATHER DUKE retreats to The Catcher in the Rye.

VERONICA
Hey, this question wouldn't be that
bizarro thing you were babbling
about over the phone last......

HEATHER CHANDLER
Shut up, it is. I told Dennis if he
gave me another topic that was
political, I'd spew burrito chunks.

VERONICA shakes her head and looks off. She's suddenly
captured by the sight of a JAMES DEANESQUE GUY sitting stark
in a long, tan gunslinger coat, behind a Rebel Without a Cause
lunchbox. They make eye contact.

Transfixed, VERONICA crashes into seated BETTY FINN, a
slightly overweight, unstylishly dressed sweetie surrounded by
clones.

BETTY
Sorry Veronica.
VERONICA
Betty Finn. Gosh.....

VERONICA crouches down, embarrassed and rueful.

VERONICA
I'm really sorry I couldn't make it
to your birthday party last month.

BETTY
That's okay. Your Mom said you had
a big date. Heck, I'd probably skip
my own birthday party for a date.

VERONICA gently laughs at BETTY's innocent awe.

VERONICA
Don't say that.

BETTY
Oh Ronnie, you have to look at
what I dug up the other day.

BETTY pulls from her purse a picture showing a YOUNG BETTY
FINN AND VERONICA SAWYER, arm-in-arm, dressed in Halloween
costumes: BETTY is an angel, VERONICA is a witch.

VERONICA glows at the photo until HEATHER CHANDLER tows
VERONICA away causing the picture to fall face up on the
floor.

H5 ANOTHER ANGLE H5

VERONICA
I was talking with someone!

HEATHER CHANDLER
Color me impressed. I thought you
grew out of Betty FInn.

THE COUNTRY CLUB KIDS' TABLE

A coolly coed cabal of Country Club Kids icily eye the
approaching VERONICA and HEATHER CHANDLER. Country Club
kid COUTRNEY sourly speaks out.

COURTNEY
Oh great. Here comes Heather.

KEITH
Shit.

I5 MARTHA DUNNSTOCK/DUMPTRUCK'S TABLE I5

Alone at a table in the Siberia of the cafeteria, MARTHA
finishes a forkful of chicken. She spears her plate again and
brings the fork up. The note is wedged inside it.
J5 THE COUNTRY CLUB KIDS' TABLE J5

HEATHER CHANDLER, Veronica in tow, hits the Country Club Kids
with a salvo of false pleasantness, capped by a scowling
smile.

HEATHER CHANDLER
Hi Courtney. Love your blouse. Ooh,
let me snare a tater.

COURTNEY expresses elation in spite of herself as HEATHER
CHANDLER delicately takes a tot and turns around to face
VERONICA. HEATHER CHANDLER inserts her finger in her mouth
doing the "induce-vomiting" signal before devouring the tot
and turning back around.

COURTNEY
Thanks. I just got it last night at
the Limited. Totally blew my allowance.

HEATHER CHANDLER raises her clipboard. VERONICA closes her
eyes and shakes her head with a half-smile.

HEATHER CHANDLER
That's pretty very. Now check this out. You
win five million dollars from Publishers
Sweepstakes, but on the same day what's-
his-face gives you the check, aliens
land on earth and say they're going
to blow up the world in two days.
What would you do?

A stunned tableau; until Country Club Kid KEITH speaks.

KEITH
That's easy. I'd just slide that wad
over to my father. He's like one of
the top brokers in the state.

VERONICA
Wake up. In two days, Earth's going
up like a Roman Candle. Crab Nebula City.

KEITH
Man, in two days, my dad could
double my money. Triple it.

COURTNEY
If I got that money, I'd give it
all to the Homeless. Every cent.

VERONICA
You're beautiful.

K5 THE FOODLESS FUND STAND K5

PETER reaches into the Foodless Fund Box and takes some bills.
PETER
Dennis, my man, run over to Mickey
D.'s and get me a Big Mac and some fries.

DENNIS
But that's the Foodless Fund money.

PETER
Hey, even Bob Geldof's got to eat.
If it makes you feel better, bag the
fries, and nab yourself an Apple Pie.

L5 CAFETERIA THOROUGHFARE L5

HEATHER CHANDLER drags VERONICA down a cafeteria lane.

HEATHER CHANDLER
If you're going to openly be a bitch....

VERONICA
(submissive)
I'm sorry, it's just why can't we
talk to different kinds of people?

HEATHER CHANDLER
Fuck me gently with a chainsaw. Do I
look like Mother Theresa? If I did,
I probably wouldn't mind talking to
the Geek Squad.

She points to a table of unfashionably dressed and coiffed
students. Some wear glasses, some wear braces, some wear
both.

M5 THE GEEKS' TABLE M5

The GEEKS react to being pointed at. Their boney leader RODNEY
splatters milk over himself.

RODNEY
Did you see that? Heather Number
One looked right at us.

BIG CYNIC
It must be love.

N5 CAFETERIA THOROUGHFARE N5

VERONICA confronts HEATHER CHANDLER.

VERONICA
Doesn't it bother you that everyone in
the school thinks you're a piranha?

HEATHER CHANDLER
Like I give a shit. They all want me,
as a friend or a fuck. I'm worshipped
at Westerburg and I'm only a Junior.
VERONICA
Pretend you're a missionary saving
a colony of cootie victims.

HEATHER CHANDLER
(giving in)
Whatever. I don't believe this. We're
going to a party at Remington University
tonight and we're brushing up our
conversation skills with the
scum of the school.

P5 MARTHA DUNNSTOCK/DUMPTRUCK'S TABLE P5

Her sweaty lips moving rapidly, MARTHA anxiously reads the
note.

Q5 THE GEEKS' TABLE Q5

The nervous GEEKS fidget and roughhouse each other in an
involuntarily immature reaction to their beautiful
interviewers.

GEEK WITH BRACES
No seriously, I'd probably go to
Egypt. With a girl.

BIG CYNIC
Taking a hooker to the Pyramids on
the last day of Mankind. You
sentimental old fart.

BRACES
Geez, forget it.

VERONICA
What about you Rodney?

RODNEY
(quietly to the others)
I told you she knew my name.
(beat of contemplation)
I'd change my life. New clothes.
New haircut. New house. New home.

HEATHER CHANDLER
How sad! Blowing all your cash on
two days of trying to be hip.

R5 ANOTHER ANGLE R5

VERONICA tugs HEATHER CHANDLER away from the table.

VERONICA
If you're going to openly be a bitch....
As HEATHER CHANDLER continues to guffaw, VERONICA again
catches sight of the JAMES DEANESQUE GUY. He wraps his fingers
around an egg and unfolds them back. The egg is gone. He
smiles. VERONICA smiles back.

Her trance is broken by a boisterous HEATHER MCNAMARA and
HEATHER DUKE who careen into the two pollsters.

HEATHER MCNAMARA
God, scan on Martha Dumptruck.

S5 POV ON MARTHA S5

MARTHA looks up from the note to the JOCKS' table and KURT
KELLY, then flustered, back down at the note.

HEATHER CHANDLER
This is the part I hate. The waiting.
I'd say we're like twenty minutes from
major humiliation. Come on, Veronica.

HEATHER CHANDLER floats off. A disturbed VERONICA takes a
moment to react.

HEATHER CHANDLER
Veronica?

VERONICA follows the leader. She calls out.

VERONICA
Damn..
Genres: ["Drama","Comedy"]

Summary Veronica is reluctantly pulled into a lunchroom prank orchestrated by Heather Chandler. They plan to forge a note from Kurt Kelly and slip it into Martha Dumptruck's lunch tray. Veronica is hesitant but eventually agrees. Meanwhile, the conversation at the lunchroom table revolves around a hypothetical scenario of winning money and the impending end of the world. Veronica also has a brief encounter with Betty Finn, an old friend. The scene ends with Martha finding the note in her food.
Strengths "The scene effectively establishes the tone and humor of the film, introduces conflict and tension, and provides insight into the characters' personalities and dynamics."
Weaknesses "The scene could benefit from stronger emotional impact and higher stakes to create a more engaging and impactful narrative."

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively establishes the tone and humor of the film, introduces conflict and tension through the lunchroom prank, and provides insight into the characters' personalities and dynamics.


Story Content

Concept: 7

The concept of a lunchroom prank and the hypothetical scenario of winning money while facing the end of the world are interesting and engaging.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene revolves around the lunchroom prank and the conversation about winning money and the end of the world. It effectively moves the story forward and introduces conflict.

Originality: 0


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed and their personalities shine through their dialogue and actions. Veronica is portrayed as reluctant but ultimately willing to go along with the prank, while Heather Chandler is confident and manipulative. The other characters, such as Martha and Betty, provide contrast and add depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 6

There is not much character change in this scene, as it primarily serves to establish the characters' personalities and dynamics.

Internal Goal: 0

External Goal: 0


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

There is conflict between Veronica's reluctance to participate in the prank and Heather Chandler's insistence. The hypothetical scenario of winning money while facing the end of the world also adds tension to the scene.

Opposition: 0

High Stakes: 6

The stakes are relatively low in this scene, as it focuses more on humor and character dynamics rather than high-stakes situations.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing the lunchroom prank and the conversation about winning money and the end of the world. It also sets up future conflicts and character interactions.

Unpredictability: 0

Philosophical Conflict: 0


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

The scene is more focused on humor and satire rather than eliciting strong emotional responses. However, there is a sense of tension and discomfort in Veronica's hesitation to participate in the prank.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is sharp, witty, and filled with sarcasm and humor. It effectively conveys the characters' personalities and drives the scene forward.

Engagement: 0

Pacing: 0


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 0

Structure: 0


Critique
  • The scene starts off with a strong introduction of the characters and their dynamics, but the dialogue feels a bit forced and unnatural. It lacks subtlety and nuance, which makes it difficult for the audience to fully engage with the characters and their conflicts.
  • The use of offensive language and offensive tone by Heather Chandler may be off-putting to some viewers and could potentially alienate them from the story.
  • The visual elements in the scene, such as Veronica and Heather Chandler interacting with different groups of students, Martha finding the note on her tray, and Veronica making eye contact with the James Deanesque guy, are effective in creating a sense of chaos and tension in the cafeteria.
  • However, the pacing of the scene feels a bit rushed, especially during the lunchtime poll. It would benefit from slowing down and allowing the audience to fully absorb the interactions and reactions of the characters.
  • The conflict between Veronica and Heather Chandler regarding their desire to talk to different kinds of people is an interesting one, but it is not fully explored or resolved in this scene. It would be beneficial to delve deeper into this conflict and its implications for the characters' relationships and personal growth.
  • Overall, the scene has potential but needs some refinement in terms of dialogue, pacing, and character development.
Suggestions
  • Consider rewriting the dialogue to make it more natural and nuanced. Focus on creating authentic and believable interactions between the characters.
  • Reevaluate the use of offensive language and offensive tone. Consider toning it down or finding alternative ways to convey the characters' personalities and conflicts.
  • Slow down the pacing of the scene, particularly during the lunchtime poll. Allow the audience to fully absorb the interactions and reactions of the characters.
  • Explore the conflict between Veronica and Heather Chandler regarding their desire to talk to different kinds of people in more depth. Use this conflict to drive the character development and add layers to their relationships.
  • Consider adding more subtext and subtlety to the scene. Allow the audience to read between the lines and discover the underlying emotions and motivations of the characters.
  • Continuously revise and refine the scene to ensure that it aligns with the overall tone and themes of the screenplay.



Scene 3 - The Lunchroom Prank
6 EXT. SCHOOL PARKING LOT -- DAY 6

VERONICA and HEATHER CHANDLER march into the school parking
lot toward four HEAVY METALERS (one female) hanging out on a
car hood. The girls' conversation is heard in voice-over.

VERONICA (V.O.)
..you Heather. Deep down all teenagers
are the same. Didn't you see The
Breakfast club?

7 INT. CAFETERIA -- BETTY FINN'S TABLE -- DAY 7
A7 A7
VERONICA and HEATHER CHANDLER set themselves down with BETTY
FINN and her LOOK-ALIKE FRIENDS.

HEATHER CHANDLER (V.O.)
Look at me. I look great. I'm the girl
in the commercials and the videos.

B7 JOCKS' TABLE B7

VERONICA and HEATHER CHANDLER warily stand at the outskirts of
the JOCKS' bastion of vulgarity.
HEATHER CHANDLER (V.O.)
I'm the blonde in the bikini on the
horse holding a Pepsi can.

8 INT. STONERS' HALLWAY -- DAY 8

In a dark, smoky hallway, VERONICA and HEATHER CHANDLER cough
toward a batch of STONERS in tattered forms of dress.

HEATHER CHANDLER (V.O.)
I'm the princess being spanked on the
throne by Billy Idol's guitarist's guitar.

9 INT. THE FOODLESS FUND STAND -- DAY 9

VERONICA and HEATHER CHANDLER accost PETER DAWSON at the
Foodless Fund stand.

HEATHER CHANDLER (V.O.)
What do I get out of being friends
with losers. I give them a piece of
a winner and they stain me with loserness.

10 EXT. PARKING LOT -- DAY 10

Heavy Metaler MATT grins.

MATT
You get five million dollars but
some Martians are going to zap you
in two days. You hear that, Clyde?
That's got to be the most spooky-ass
question I've ever heard.

11 INT. CAFETERIA -- BETTY FINN'S TABLE -- DAY 11
A11 A11
BETTY FINN daintily peeps up.

BETTY FINN
I think we should use the money
for an End-of-the-world get-together.
We could invite GUYS.

B11 JOCKS' TABLE B11

RAM sputters out some chicken to bellow.

RAM
I'd pay Madonna one million dollars
to ride my face like the Kentucky
Derby. She should be paying me, though.

12 INT. STONERS' HALLWAY -- DAY 12

A FEMALE STONER IN ARMY JACKET starts to speak, then stops...

FEMALE STONER IN ARMY JACKET
What?
13 INT. CAFETERIA -- THE FOODLESS FUND STAND -- DAY 13

PETER DAWSON lashes out.

PETER DAWSON
This is important. With taxes, I'd
be only getting 3.5 million and....

14 EXT. PARKING LOT -- DAY 14

Heavy Metaler CLYDE turns from his friend MATT.

CLYDE
If you want a good way to go out
before the aliens land, get a lion
from the zoo. Put a remote control
bomb up its butt. When the lion starts
tearing you up, press the bomb button.
You and the lion die like as one.

Two Heavy Metal lovers, JACKIE and STEVE, intertwined against
the windshield blankly respond.

JACKIE AND STEVE
Cool.

15 INT. CAFETERIA THOROUGHFARE -- DAY 15
A15 A15
VERONICA and HEATHER CHANDLER continue their conversation
chugging through another busy cafeteria lane.

HEATHER CHANDLER
Just imagine somebody like your
quasi-fat, goody-good friend Betty
Finn doing a Crest commercial. No
one would buy Crest.

VERONICA
Don't tell me. Crest would be
stained with loserness.

HEATHER CHANDLER
Yeah, and who wants that on their teeth?

HEATHER MCNAMARA and HEATHER DUKE burst back between them.

HEATHER MCNAMARA
Oh God, here we go...

B15 POV ON MARTHA DUNNSTOCK/DUMPTRUCK B15

MARTHA, with awkward apprehension, stumbles toward KURT and
the JOCKS. VERONICA and the HEATHERS stop breathing.

MARTHA mumbles something unintelligible from where the girls
stand. KURT'S head detonates with a terrifying cackle. MARTHA
flees the cafeteria in horror. VERONICA spins away from her
mirthful friends in disgust and makes eye contact with the
similarly disturbed JAMES DEANESQUE GUY.
VERONICA lurches away. She brakes against the Foodless Fund
stand where PETER DAWSON is hollering away.

PETER
A dime increases the time! A buck
brings good luck! Hi Veronica. A
five keeps the neighborhood alive!
A ten and you die without sen!

HEATHER CHANDLER wings a twenty dollar bill into the cashbox.

HEATHER CHANDLER
(to Veronica)
You wanted to become a member of
the most powerful clique in the
school. If I wasn't already the
head of it, I'd want the same thing.

VERONICA
I'm sorry? What are you oozing about?

HEATHER CHANDLER
That episode with the note back there
was for all of us to enjoy, but you
seem determined to ruin my day.

VERONICA
(slapping her knee)
We made a girl want to consider
suicide. What a scream. What a jest.

HEATHER CHANDLER
Come on you jerk. You know you used
to have a sense of humor.
Genres: ["Comedy","Drama"]

Summary Veronica is reluctantly pulled into a lunchroom prank orchestrated by Heather Chandler. They plan to forge a note from Kurt Kelly and slip it into Martha Dumptruck's lunch tray. Veronica is hesitant but eventually agrees. Meanwhile, the conversation at the lunchroom table revolves around a hypothetical scenario of winning money and the impending end of the world. Veronica also has a brief encounter with Betty Finn, an old friend. The scene ends with Martha finding the note in her food.
Strengths
  • Sharp and witty dialogue
  • Satirical commentary on teenage cliques
  • Engaging character interactions
Weaknesses
  • Limited emotional depth
  • Relatively low stakes

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively combines dark humor and satirical commentary on teenage cliques and social dynamics. The dialogue is sharp and witty, and the lunchroom prank adds an element of conflict and tension.


Story Content

Concept: 7

The concept of the lunchroom prank and the exploration of teenage cliques and social dynamics is engaging and well-executed.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene revolves around the lunchroom prank and the conversations at the table, which are entertaining and move the story forward.

Originality: 0


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed and their interactions are engaging. Veronica's internal conflict and Heather Chandler's manipulative nature add depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 6

Veronica experiences a shift in her perspective as she reluctantly agrees to participate in the prank, showing a potential change in her character.

Internal Goal: 0

External Goal: 0


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict arises from Veronica's internal struggle to participate in the prank and the tension between the characters at the lunchroom table.

Opposition: 0

High Stakes: 6

The stakes are relatively low in this scene, with the lunchroom prank being the main source of conflict.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing the lunchroom prank and further developing the dynamics between the characters.

Unpredictability: 0

Philosophical Conflict: 0


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

The scene elicits a mix of emotions, including amusement, cynicism, and discomfort.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is sharp, witty, and satirical, capturing the tone of the scene and the characters' personalities.

Engagement: 0

Pacing: 0


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 0

Structure: 0


Critique
  • The scene lacks clear transitions between the different locations, making it confusing for the reader to follow the characters' movements.
  • The use of voice-over narration is excessive and interrupts the flow of the scene. It would be more effective to show the characters' interactions through dialogue and actions.
  • The dialogue between Veronica and Heather Chandler feels forced and unnatural. It lacks subtlety and depth, making it difficult for the audience to connect with the characters.
  • The conflict between Veronica's desire to talk to different kinds of people and Heather Chandler's dismissive attitude is not fully explored or resolved in this scene.
  • The visual elements in the scene are limited and do not contribute significantly to the storytelling.
  • The scene ends abruptly without a clear resolution or cliffhanger, leaving the audience unsatisfied.
Suggestions
  • Provide clear transitions between locations to help the reader visualize the characters' movements.
  • Reduce the use of voice-over narration and focus on showing the characters' interactions through dialogue and actions.
  • Rewrite the dialogue between Veronica and Heather Chandler to make it more natural and nuanced, allowing the audience to connect with the characters on a deeper level.
  • Further develop the conflict between Veronica and Heather Chandler, exploring their differing perspectives and motivations.
  • Introduce more visual elements that enhance the storytelling and add depth to the scene.
  • Consider adding a stronger ending to the scene that leaves the audience wanting more or provides a clear resolution to the conflict.



Scene 4 - The Lunchroom Prank
16 INT. GIRLS BATHROOM -- DAY 16

Combing their hair in the bathroom mirror, the HEATHERS speak
in comically whining-and-pathetic imitations of Martha
Dumptruck as VERONICA shakes her head with a half-smile.

HEATHER CHANDLER
Ku-urt, let's pa-arty.

HEATHER MCNAMARA
Ku-urt, I ne-ed an orgasm.

HEATHER DUKE's gentle off-screen voice slices in.

HEATHER DUKE (O.S.)
Veronica, could you come back here?

HEATHER CHANDLER AND HEATHER MCNAMARA
Gross!

VERONICA
A true friend's work is never done.
VERONICA reveals her right index finger is cut noticeably
short, then walks over to the stalls.

HEATHER CHANDLER
Grow up, Heather. Bulimia's so '86.

HEATHER MCNAMARA
Color me nauseous.

THE STALL

VERONICA stands in a tight stall with an ashamed HEATHER DUKE.

VERONICA
Maybe you should see a doctor.

HEATHER DUKE
Yeah, maybe.

HEATHER CHANDLER (O.S.)
Come on Heather. We want another
look at today's lunch.

VERONICA
Geez, don't listen to them.

HEATHER MCNAMARA (O.S.)
Did she have the pie or the ice
cream for dessert?
(like a game show host)
And the answer IS.

HEATHER DUKE holds up her copy of The Catcher in the Rye and
makes a bizarrely defiant smile.

HEATHER DUKE
Yeah, you know Holden Caulfield in
the Catcher in the Rye wouldn't put
up with their bogus nonsense.

VERONICA
Well, you better move Holden out
of the way or he's going to get spewed.

HEATHER DUKE puts down her book and opens her mouth. VERONICA
sticks her finger in.

17 CAFETERIA ENTRANCE 17
A17 A17
A gnarly melange of chicken and potatoes is scraped off a
plate into a cafeteria trashcan as VERONICA and the HEATHERS
stroll by outside. VERONICA pauses to peer in at the JAMES
DEANESQUE GUY.

HEATHER MCNAMARA
God Veronica, drool much? His name's
Jason Dean. He's in my American History.
VERONICA
Give me the clipboard.

As VERONICA walks off, HEATHER MCNAMARA oinks out some amusing
sexual noises.

B17 CAFETERIA/JASON DEAN'S TABLE B17

VERONICA saunters to JASON DEAN.

VERONICA
Hello Jason Dean.

JASON
Greetings and salutations. Call me
J.D. Are you a Heather?

VERONICA
No, a Veronica. Sawyer. This may
seem like a stupid question....

J.D.
There are no stupid questions.

VERONICA
If you inherit five million dollars
the same day aliens tell the earth
they're blowing us up in two days,
what would you do?

J.D.
(suavely)
That's the stupidest question I've
ever heard.

C17 JOCKS' TABLE C17

The JOCKS witness VERONICA and J.D.

RAM
Who does that new kid think he is
with that coat? Bo Diddley?

KURT
Veronica is into his act. No doubt.

RAM
Let's kick his ass.

KURT
Shit, we're seniors, Ram. Too old
for that crap. Let's give him a
scare though.

D17 J.D.'S TABLE D17

An intrigued J.D. laconically answers THE question.
J.D.
Probably just row on out to the
middle of a lake. Bring along my
sax, some tequila, and some Bach.

VERONICA
How very.

HEATHER CHANDLER breaks VERONICA's daze of admiration.

HEATHER CHANDLER
Come on.

VERONICA (to J.D.)
Later.

J.D.
Definitely.

KURT and RAM move into the exiting VERONICA's place.
RAM sticks his finger through a piece of pie on J.D.'s plate.

RAM
You going to eat this?

KURT
What did your BOYFRIEND say when
you told him you were moving to
Sherwood, Ohio?

RAM
Answer him dick!

KURT
Hey Ram, doesn't this cafeteria
have a No Fags Allowed Rule?

J.D.
It seems to have an open door policy
for assholes though, doesn't it?

KURT
What did you say dickweed?

J.D.
I'll repeat myself.

J.D. gracefully stands, reaches into his coat, and pulls out a
.357 Magnum. He fires twice at the viewer.
Genres: ["Comedy","Drama"]

Summary Veronica is reluctantly pulled into a lunchroom prank orchestrated by Heather Chandler. They plan to forge a note from Kurt Kelly and slip it into Martha Dumptruck's lunch tray. Veronica is hesitant but eventually agrees. Meanwhile, the conversation at the lunchroom table revolves around a hypothetical scenario of winning money and the impending end of the world. Veronica also has a brief encounter with Betty Finn, an old friend. The scene ends with Martha finding the note in her food.
Strengths "The strengths of this scene include the sharp and witty dialogue, the well-defined characters, and the comedic tone."
Weaknesses "One weakness of the scene is the lack of emotional depth and high stakes."

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene is well-written and engaging, with a good balance of humor and drama. The dialogue is witty and the characters are well-developed.


Story Content

Concept: 7

The concept of a lunchroom prank and the discussion of hypothetical scenarios adds an interesting layer to the scene.

Plot: 8

The plot of the lunchroom prank and Veronica's involvement keeps the scene engaging and drives the story forward.

Originality: 0


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-defined and their interactions are entertaining. Veronica's reluctance and the dynamic between the Heathers add depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 4

There is minimal character change in this scene.

Internal Goal: 0

External Goal: 0


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

There is a mild conflict between Veronica's reluctance and the Heathers' insistence on involving her in the prank.

Opposition: 0

High Stakes: 5

The stakes are relatively low in this scene, focusing more on the comedic elements.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing the lunchroom prank and further developing Veronica's relationships with the Heathers and Betty Finn.

Unpredictability: 0

Philosophical Conflict: 0


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 5

The scene is more focused on humor and satire rather than emotional impact.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is sharp, witty, and captures the satirical tone of the scene. It reveals the characters' personalities and drives the humor.

Engagement: 0

Pacing: 0


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 0

Structure: 0


Critique
  • The scene starts off with the Heathers imitating Martha Dumptruck in a comically whining manner. While this may be intended to be humorous, it comes across as mean-spirited and cruel. It's important to consider the tone and message being conveyed through the dialogue and actions of the characters.
  • The dialogue between Veronica and Heather Duke in the stall feels forced and unnatural. The conversation about bulimia lacks depth and sensitivity, and it doesn't contribute much to the overall story or character development.
  • The interaction between Veronica and Heather Chandler in the cafeteria entrance lacks substance. It's unclear why Veronica wants the clipboard or what her intentions are. The sexual noises made by Heather McNamara also feel out of place and unnecessary.
  • The conversation between Veronica and Jason Dean at his table is intriguing, but the hypothetical question feels contrived and doesn't add much depth to the characters or the story. It would be more effective to explore their personalities and motivations through more organic dialogue.
  • The confrontation between Kurt, Ram, and Jason Dean feels forced and lacks nuance. The insults exchanged between the characters come across as juvenile and don't contribute to the overall conflict or character development.
  • The use of a gun in the scene is jarring and unnecessary. It introduces a level of violence that feels out of place in the context of the story. It would be more effective to explore the conflicts and tensions between the characters through dialogue and actions that are more grounded in reality.
Suggestions
  • Consider revising the dialogue and actions of the Heathers in the bathroom to be less mean-spirited and more in line with the overall tone of the story.
  • Develop the conversation between Veronica and Heather Duke in the stall to be more meaningful and sensitive, addressing the issue of bulimia with more depth and understanding.
  • Reevaluate the purpose of the interaction between Veronica and Heather Chandler in the cafeteria entrance. Make sure it serves a clear narrative or character development purpose.
  • Revise the hypothetical question asked by Veronica to Jason Dean to be more organic and revealing of their personalities and motivations.
  • Rework the confrontation between Kurt, Ram, and Jason Dean to be more nuanced and realistic, focusing on the underlying tensions and conflicts between the characters.
  • Remove the use of a gun in the scene and find alternative ways to explore the conflicts and tensions between the characters.



Scene 5 - Croquet Game and Lunchroom Prank
18 EXT. THE SAWYER BACKYARD -- DAY 18

Croquet wickets have been set up in standard form. VERONICA
and the HEATHERS stand at various positions in the yard
holding different colored mallets next to matching balls.
HEATHER CHANDLER knocks her ball through the middle wicket.
HEATHER MCNAMARA
God, they won't expell him. They'll
just suspend him for a week or something.

HEATHER CHANDLER
He used a real gun. They should
throw his ass in jail.

VERONICA
No way. He used blanks. All J.D.
really did was ruin two pairs of
pants...Maybe not even that...
(giggling)
Can you bleach out urine stains?

HEATHER CHANDLER knocks her red ball into HEATHER DUKE'S green
one.

HEATHER CHANDLER
J.D.? You seem pretty amused. I thought
you were giving up on high school guys.

VERONICA
Never say never.

HEATHER DUKE
What are you going to do, Heather?
Take the two shots or send me out?

The Girls look to the doelike HEATHER DUKE with incredulous
faces.

HEATHER CHANDLER
Did you have a brain tumor for
breakfast? First you ask if you can
be red, knowing that I'm ALWAYS red...

HEATHER CHANDLER places her foot on her red ball. She swings
her mallet down hard on the red ball sending the adjacent
green one rocketing into a flower bed.

HEATHER DUKE
Shit.

HEATHER CHANDLER's next shot falls short of the next wicket.

HEATHER CHANDLER
(to HEATHER DUKE)
Damn. It's your turn Heather.

HEATHER DUKE
No, it's Heather's turn.

HEATHER MCNAMARA hits her ball through a wicket and squeals.

HEATHER CHANDLER
Anyway, I can say never to high
school. I've got David.
HEATHER MCNAMARA
King David.

HEATHER CHANDLER
Maybe when you hit maturity you'll
understand the diff between a Remington
University man like David and a
Westerburg boy like Ram "Wham-bam-
thank-you-maam" Sweeney.

HEATHER MCNAMARA misses her next shot.

HEATHER MCNAMARA
Ram's sweet. Yo Heather, you're up.

HEATHER DUKE tries to navigate a shot from the flower bed.

HEATHER MCNAMARA
No way, no day!

VERONICA
Give it up girl!

As her friends howl, HEATHER DUKE slams her ball out of the
flower bed. The ball bounces off a tree and amazingly goes
through a wicket. HEATHER DUKE squeals in delight.

VERONICA HEATHER MCNAMARA
Holy SHIT! God, that was unbelievable!

HEATHER CHANDLER
What. A. Shot.

HEATHER DUKE's next shot falls short of the next wicket.
VERONICA begins setting up her shot.

HEATHER MCNAMARA
So tonight's the night. Are you
two excited?

HEATHER CHANDLER
I'm giving Veronica her shot. Her
first Remington Party. Blow it tonight
girl and it's keggers with kids all
next year.

VERONICA
(missing her shot)
Crap. So who's this Brad guy I've
been set up with? Witty and urbane
pre-lawyer or albino accountant?

HEATHER CHANDLER
Don't worry. David says he's very
so he's very.

HEATHER CHANDLER again hits her ball into HEATHER DUKE'S.
HEATHER DUKE
Why?

HEATHER CHANDLER
Why not?

HEATHER CHANDLER slams HEATHER DUKE's ball back into the
flower bed. VERONICA'S MOM calls out the back screen door.

MOM
Heather, your Mother's here.

HEATHER MCNAMARA
Come on whoever wants a ride.

As the HEATHERS head into the house, VERONICA picks up HEATHER
DUKE'S ball and exuberantly throws it back toward the wickets.

Veronica's MOM, carrying a tray of pate, and DAD, carrying a
Robert Ludlum book, place themselves around a patio table.

DAD
Take a break Veronica, sit down.

VERONICA
All right.

VERONICA sinks into the empty middle deck chair.

DAD
So what was the first week of
Spring Vacation withdrawl like?

VERONICA
I don't know, it was okay, I guess.

MOM
Hey kid, isn't the prom coming up?

VERONICA
I guess.

MOM
Any contestants worth mentioning?

VERONICA
MayBE. There's kind of a dark
horse now in the running.

DAD
(looking up)
Goddamn. Will somebody please tell
me why I read this spy crap.

VERONICA
(smiling)
Because you're an idiot.
DAD
Oh yeah, that's it.

DAD immediately returns to reading with a wide grin.

MOM
(shaking her head)
You two....

VERONICA
Great pate, but I'm going to have
to motor if I want to be ready for
the party tonight.

19 EXT. OUTSIDE 7-11 -- NIGHT 19

A Volkswagen Cabriolet pulls up in front of a 7-11 with
HEATHER CHANDLER at the wheel. VERONICA pops out of the
car, into the store. HEATHER CHANDLER clamors to her.

HEATHER CHANDLER
Corn nuts!
Genres: ["Comedy","Drama"]

Summary Veronica and the Heathers play a croquet game in Sawyer's backyard, discussing J.D.'s recent actions. Veronica's mom and dad join them briefly. Veronica then goes to a 7-11 with Heather Chandler to buy corn nuts.
Strengths
  • Witty dialogue
  • Character dynamics
  • Setting up conflicts
Weaknesses
  • Limited character change
  • Moderate emotional impact

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively combines humor and drama, showcasing the dynamics between the characters and setting up future conflicts.


Story Content

Concept: 7

The concept of a croquet game turning grim and the lunchroom prank adds intrigue and sets up the themes of deception and manipulation.

Plot: 8

The plot progresses as Veronica reluctantly agrees to participate in the prank, leading to potential consequences and conflicts.

Originality: 0


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed and their interactions reveal their personalities and motivations.

Character Changes: 6

There is minimal character change in this scene, but it sets up potential changes and conflicts in the future.

Internal Goal: 0

External Goal: 0


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

There is a moderate level of conflict as Veronica is pulled into the prank and tensions arise between the Heathers.

Opposition: 0

High Stakes: 6

The stakes are moderate, with potential consequences for Veronica and Martha as a result of the prank.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing conflicts, establishing character dynamics, and setting up future events.

Unpredictability: 0

Philosophical Conflict: 0


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

The emotional impact is moderate, with moments of amusement and tension.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is witty and showcases the characters' distinct voices and humor.

Engagement: 0

Pacing: 0


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 0

Structure: 0


Critique
  • The scene lacks clear objectives for the characters. It is not clear what Veronica, Heather Chandler, and Heather Duke are trying to achieve in this scene.
  • The dialogue feels forced and unnatural at times. Some lines, such as 'Can you bleach out urine stains?' and 'Because you're an idiot,' come across as trying too hard to be edgy and sarcastic.
  • The scene lacks visual elements and actions that could enhance the storytelling. It mostly consists of characters standing around and talking.
  • The transition from the croquet game to Veronica's parents' conversation feels abrupt and disconnected. It doesn't flow smoothly.
  • The humor in the scene is hit or miss. Some jokes land, but others fall flat.
  • The scene doesn't contribute much to the overall plot or character development. It feels like filler material.
  • The pacing of the scene is slow, and it doesn't build enough tension or conflict to keep the audience engaged.
  • The scene lacks a clear resolution or cliffhanger to leave the audience wanting more.
Suggestions
  • Give each character a clear objective or goal in the scene. This will help drive the conflict and make the scene more engaging.
  • Work on making the dialogue more natural and authentic. Avoid trying too hard to be edgy or sarcastic.
  • Introduce more visual elements and actions to enhance the storytelling. Consider how the characters' body language and movements can convey their emotions and intentions.
  • Smooth out the transition between the croquet game and Veronica's parents' conversation. Find a way to connect these two parts more seamlessly.
  • Refine the humor in the scene to ensure that the jokes land consistently and contribute to the overall tone and style of the screenplay.
  • Make sure that every scene serves a purpose in advancing the plot or developing the characters. Cut any filler material that doesn't contribute to the story.
  • Increase the pacing of the scene by adding more tension and conflict. Find ways to raise the stakes and keep the audience engaged.
  • End the scene with a clear resolution or cliffhanger that leaves the audience wanting to know what happens next.



Scene 6 - 7-11 Run
20 INT. 7-11 -- NIGHT 20

Stylishly dressed-to-massacre, VERONICA reaches out to a bag
of Corn Nuts as J.D.'s off-screen voice disarms her.

J.D. (O.S.)
You going to pull a Big Gulp with that?

VERONICA
No, but if you're nice I'll let
you buy me a Slurpee. You know
your 7-11speak pretty well.

J.D.
I've been moved around all my life;
Dallas, Baton Rouge, Vegas, Sherwood
Ohio, there's always a 7-11. Any
town, any time, I can pop a Ham and
Cheese in the microwave and feast on
a Big Wheel. Keeps me sane.

VERONICA
Really? That thing in the caf
today was pretty severe.

J.D.
The extreme always makes an impression,
but you're right, it was severe. Did
you say a Cherry or Coke Slurpee?

VERONICA
I didn't. Cherry.

VERONICA smiles at her Coolness. J.D. returns the smile.
21 EXT. 7-11 PARKING LOT -- NIGHT 21

VERONICA and J.D. slurp by J.D.'s ferocious motorcycle.

VERONICA
Great bike.

HEATHER CHANDLER sounds her car horn with a grimace. VERONICA
glares at her then turns back to J.D.

J.D.
Just a humble perk from my Dad's
Construction company or should I
say Deconstruction company?

VERONICA
I don't know. Should you?

J.D.
My father seems to enjoy tearing
things down more than putting things up.
Seen the commerical? "Bringing every
State to a Higher State."

VERONICA
Time out....Jason Dean. Your Pop's
Big Bud Dean Construction. Must be
rough. Moving place to place.

J.D.
Everybody's life's got static. Is
your life perfect?

VERONICA
(gently joking)
Sure, I'm on my way to a party
at Remington University.

VERONICA grows serious as the car horn sounds again.

VERONICA
It's not perfect. I don't really
like my friends.

J.D.
I don't really like your friends either.

VERONICA
It's like they're just people I
work with and our job is being
popular and shit.

J.D.
Maybe it's time for a vacation.

The car horn blares again.
22 INT. DORMITORY ROOM -- NIGHT 22

DAVID, Heather Chandler's fine looking college beau, leads
VERONICA and HEATHER CHANDLER into a cramped, eclectically
tacky dorm room. Music pounds the door.

The semi-handsome BRAD chats atop a desk with BRAD'S FRIEND.

DAVID
Throw your coats on the bed, girls.

BRAD
That exam was so bogus.

BRAD'S FRIEND
Oh I KNOW. Which exam?

DAVID
Veronica, this is Brad.

BRAD
Excellent. Did you girls bring
your partying slippers?

HEATHER CHANDLER
Yeah, let's party.

DAVID
She loves to party.

As they head out the door, BRAD whispers something in BRAD'S
FRIEND's ear causing the pair to snarl off a laugh.

23 INT. VERONICA'S BEDROOM -- NIGHT 23

The viewer is taken back and forth from a shattered post-party
VERONICA to the traumatic dormitory party itself. The sobbing
monocoled VERONICA writes at her desk.

VERONICA (V.O.)
Dear Diary, I want to kill and you
have to believe.....damn pen!

VERONICA frenziedly scribbles, trying to get her pen to
write. She throws the pen across the room and pulls out
another.

VERONICA (V.O.)
You have to believe it's for more
than selfish reasons. More than a
spoke in my menstrual cycle. You
have to believe me.

24 INT. DORMITORY HALLWAY -- NIGHT 24

The chaotic hallway rumbles with beer cups and loud music.
VERONICA and HEATHER CHANDLER's stylish garb clashes with the
laid-back dress of the COLLEGE STUDENTS.
BRAD anxiously hands VERONICA a cup of beer as he watches
DAVID and HEATHER CHANDLER move through a staircase door.

BRAD
So, are you a cheerleader?

VERONICA
(dealing with a jerk)
No, not at all.
BRAD
You're pretty enough to be one.

VERONICA
Gee, thanks.

BRAD
It's so great to be able to talk
to a girl and not have to ask
"What's your major?" I hate that.

They uncomfortably sip their beers. A deadly pause ensues.

BRAD
So when you go to college, what kind
of subjects do you think you'll study?

25 INT. DAVID'S DORM ROOM 25

HEATHER CHANDLER and DAVID sit on the latter's bed, surrounded
by a PC and a series of obnoxious Ferrari posters. They kiss.
DAVID doing most of the work.

HEATHER CHANDLER
Come on David, let's go back to the party.

DAVID
(unzipping his pants)
Don't worry, we will. You're just so
hot tonight. I can't control myself.

DAVID pushes HEATHER CHANDLER's head down.

26 INT. DORM HALLWAY -- NIGHT 26

BRAD has given up on conversation.

BRAD
So what do you say we head up to my
room and have a real party. I've got the
best Windham Hill C.D. collection
in the dorm.

BRAD'S FRIEND approaches before VERONICA can show disgust.

BRAD'S FRIEND
Brad-ley, Hennesey's looking for
you. He says he owes you for blow
and he just got some product himself.
BRAD
You're kidding. That pecker actually
scored something on his own?

BRAD'S FRIEND
(ambling off)
He's in Sheila's room, big guy. Party up.

BRAD
Excellent. Veronica, ever do COCAINE?

VERONICA
Ever since Phil Collins did that anti-
drug thing on MTV I refuse everything.

BRAD
Phil Collins? Are you sure he isn't
drinking and driving?

VERONICA
Jeez, right, then why don't I do drugs?

BRAD
Right. Hey, don't run away now.

With a wink, BRAD squirms off. VERONICA dashes into the room
with the coats.
Genres: ["Comedy","Drama"]

Summary Veronica and J.D. go to a 7-11 to buy snacks and have a conversation about their lives. Veronica opens up about her dissatisfaction with her friends and J.D. reveals some details about his father's construction company. They share a moment of connection before being interrupted by Heather Chandler. The scene ends with Veronica and J.D. leaving the 7-11.
Strengths
  • Humorous dialogue
  • Character development
  • Engaging interactions
Weaknesses
  • Low conflict
  • Relatively low stakes

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene is well-written and engaging, with humorous dialogue and meaningful character development. It effectively sets up the dynamics between Veronica, J.D., and Heather Chandler.


Story Content

Concept: 7

The concept of the scene, a casual conversation between two characters at a convenience store, is not particularly groundbreaking but is executed well.

Plot: 7

The plot of the scene is relatively simple, focusing on the interaction between Veronica, J.D., and Heather Chandler. It serves to deepen the characters' relationships and provide insight into their lives.

Originality: 0


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters in the scene, particularly Veronica and J.D., are well-developed and engaging. Their dialogue reveals their personalities and motivations.

Character Changes: 7

Veronica experiences some character growth in the scene, opening up about her dissatisfaction and showing vulnerability. J.D. also reveals more about himself and his past.

Internal Goal: 0

External Goal: 0


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 5

The conflict in the scene is relatively low, with the main tension coming from Veronica's dissatisfaction with her friends and J.D.'s revelation about his father's construction company.

Opposition: 0

High Stakes: 4

The stakes in the scene are relatively low, focusing more on character development and relationship dynamics.

Story Forward: 6

The scene moves the story forward by deepening the relationships between the characters and providing important information about their lives.

Unpredictability: 0

Philosophical Conflict: 0


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

The scene has some emotional impact, particularly in Veronica's vulnerability and J.D.'s understanding and connection with her.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue in the scene is witty, humorous, and reveals important information about the characters. It effectively conveys their emotions and drives the scene forward.

Engagement: 0

Pacing: 0


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 0

Structure: 0


Critique
  • The scene starts off with a flirty conversation between Veronica and J.D. at the 7-11, which sets a playful and flirtatious tone. However, the dialogue feels a bit forced and unnatural, particularly with the excessive use of 7-11 references. It could benefit from a more organic and authentic conversation between the characters.
  • The transition from the 7-11 parking lot to the dormitory room feels abrupt and disjointed. It would be helpful to have a smoother transition or a clearer indication of the change in location.
  • The introduction of Brad and his friend in the dormitory room feels random and unnecessary. Their presence doesn't add much to the scene and distracts from the main focus of Veronica and J.D.'s interaction. It would be more effective to keep the focus on Veronica and J.D. and their developing relationship.
  • The dialogue between Brad and Veronica in the hallway lacks depth and substance. It feels like a generic conversation and doesn't contribute much to the overall story or character development. It would be beneficial to explore more meaningful and engaging dialogue between the two characters.
  • The scene ends with Veronica entering the room with the coats, but it's unclear what the significance of this action is. It would be helpful to provide more context or clarity on why this action is important or how it connects to the larger story.
  • Overall, the scene has potential but could benefit from stronger and more authentic dialogue, smoother transitions between locations, and a clearer focus on the main characters and their relationships.
Suggestions
  • Revise the dialogue between Veronica and J.D. at the 7-11 to make it more natural and authentic. Focus on developing their chemistry and building their relationship in a more organic way.
  • Consider reworking the transition from the 7-11 parking lot to the dormitory room to make it smoother and more seamless. This could be achieved through visual cues or a clearer indication of the change in location.
  • Remove the introduction of Brad and his friend in the dormitory room to maintain focus on Veronica and J.D. and their developing relationship. This will help streamline the scene and keep it more focused.
  • Revise the dialogue between Brad and Veronica in the hallway to make it more meaningful and engaging. Explore deeper conversations that reveal more about the characters and their motivations.
  • Provide more context or clarity on the significance of Veronica entering the room with the coats at the end of the scene. This will help connect this action to the larger story and give it more purpose.
  • Consider revising and refining the overall structure and pacing of the scene to ensure it flows smoothly and effectively conveys the desired emotions and character dynamics.



Scene 7 - Veronica's Rebellion
27 INT. VERONICA'S BEDROOM -- NIGHT 27

VERONICA rampages through her diary.

VERONICA (V.O.)
Seventeen is the last year Mom buys
the Twinkies. When you make the
jump from working weekends at Pizza
Hut to thirty years at I.B.M., you
lose something. Not innocence -- power.

J.F.K. the cat jumps onto the Diary.

VERONICA
J.F.K.!

VERONICA flings the screeching cat off and continues.

VERONICA (V.O.)
Christ, I can't explain it, but I'm
allowed an understanding that my
parents and these Remington University
assholes have chosen to ignore. I
understand I must stop Heather.

28 INT. DORM "COAT" ROOM -- NIGHT 28

Panting, VERONICA collapses at a desk in the "coat" room. She
draws a Vodka bottle from a stockpile of liquor and pours
some in her beer cup, slouching down in her chair.
VERONICA lights a match from a 7-11 matchbook. She eerily
brings her hand closer and closer to the fire until it
touches.

With an eek of pain, she tosses the match away into the Vodka
cup, setting it afire. VERONICA laughs to herself before
tossing the flaming cup out the window.

29 EXT. ALLEY OUTSIDE THE DORMITORY -- NIGHT 29

The flaming cup lands in a large rusted garbage can filled
with other cups and various refuse. The flames spread...

30 INT. DORMITORY BATHROOM -- NIGHT 30

A dejected HEATHER CHANDLER walks into a multi-mirror-and-sink
bathroom. Using a glass off one of the sinks, she gargles some
water and then spits it at her own reflection.

31 INT. THE DORM "COAT" ROOM -- NIGHT 31

VERONICA closes the window as BRAD opens the door.

BRAD
How's my little cheerleader? Now I
know everyone at your high school
isn't so uptight, come ON.

VERONICA
Hey really, I don't feel so great.

BRAD
Let's do it on the coats. It'll
be excellent.

BRAD plops down onto the bed of coats and begins bouncing.

VERONICA
I have a little prepared speech I
give when my suitor wants more
than I'd like to give him....
Gee Blank, I had a nice....

BRAD
Save the speeches for Malcom X.
I just wanna get laid.

VERONICA
You don't deserve my fucking speech!

VERONICA yanks up her coat from beneath BRAD on the bed
causing him to slide off onto the floor.

32 INT. DORM HALLWAY -- NIGHT 32

VERONICA storms into the hallway but slows down when she sees
she's attracting attention. She notices an incited BRAD
slither to the smiling DAVID who chats with some STUDENTS,
HEATHER CHANDLER on his arm.
BRAD causes DAVID's smile to ever-so-slightly diminish. DAVID
whispers to HEATHER CHANDLER who proceeds to set down her beer
and walk toward VERONICA.

33 EXT. DORMITORY ALLEY -- NIGHT 33

The fire in the trashcan is raging.

34 INT. DORM HALLWAY -- NIGHT 34

A steel faced HEATHER CHANDLER comes face-to-face with
VERONICA.

HEATHER CHANDLER
What's your damage? Brad says
you're being a real cooze.

VERONICA
Heather, I feel awful, like I'm going
to throw up. Can we jam, please?

HEATHER CHANDLER
No. Hell no.

VERONICA'S eyes fall shut in a near-faint. She flings herself
down off-screen with some ugly wretching sounds.

35 INT. VERONICA'S BEDROOM -- NIGHT 35

VERONICA savagely scrawls in her diary, tears burning fierce.

VERONICA (V.O.)
Betty Finn was a true friend and I
sold her out for a bunch of Swatchdogs
and Diet Cokeheads. Killing Heather'd
be like offing the Wicked Witch of the
West. Or is it East? WEST! I sound
like a psycho. Tomorrow I'll be kissing
her aerobicized ass but tonight let me
dream of a world without Heather. A
world where I am free.

36 INT. DORM HALLWAY -- NIGHT 36

VERONICA rises into view with tinges of vomit on her mouth. A
smile breaks across HEATHER CHANDLER's granite puss. VERONICA
runs off as STUDENTS laugh in the background.

37 EXT. DORMITORY ALLEY -- NIGHT 37

VERONICA charges into the alley. She whips around to face a
screeching HEATHER CHANDLER. In back of VERONICA, the trashcan
bellows like Mt. Vesuvius.

HEATHER CHANDLER
You stupid cunt!

VERONICA
You goddamn bitch!
The flickering flames cast HEATHER CHANDLER in a demonic
light.

HEATHER CHANDLER
You were nothing before you met me!
You were playing Barbies with Betty
Finn! You were a Brownie, you were a
Bluebird, you were a Girl Scout
Cookie! I got you into a Remington
Party! What's my thanks? It's on the
hallway carpet. I get paid in puke!

VERONICA
Lick it up, baby. Lick. It. Up.

HEATHER CHANDLER
(totally in control)
Monday morning, you're history. I'll
tell everyone about tonight. Transfer
to Washington. Transfer to Jefferson.
No one at Westerburg's going to let
you play their reindeer games.

38 INT. VERONICA'S BEDROOM -- NIGHT 38

VERONICA flings her diary across the room where it hits the
wall behind the stunning figure of J.D. VERONICA gasps.

J.D.
Dreadful etiquette. I apologize.

VERONICA
(exhaling deeply)
S'okay....

J.D.
I saw the croquet set-up in the back.
Up for a match?

VERONICA is simultaneously dismayed and exhilarated. She seems
ready to burst out all her anxieties but instead....

VERONICA
Sure. But I'm Blue.
Genres: ["Comedy","Drama"]

Summary Veronica, feeling disillusioned with her friends, reluctantly participates in a lunchroom prank orchestrated by Heather Chandler. The scene explores Veronica's internal conflict and her desire to break free from the toxic social hierarchy. It ends with a confrontation between Veronica and Heather Chandler, setting the stage for a major conflict.
Strengths "The scene effectively establishes the central conflict, showcases sharp and witty dialogue, and sets a dark and satirical tone."
Weaknesses "Some moments could be further developed to enhance emotional impact and character development."

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively establishes the central conflict and sets the tone for the rest of the story. The dialogue is sharp and witty, capturing the dark humor of the film. However, there are some moments that could be further developed to enhance the emotional impact.


Story Content

Concept: 7

The concept of a high school student rebelling against the social hierarchy is compelling and relatable. The scene effectively introduces this concept and establishes the protagonist's motivation.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene revolves around Veronica's participation in a prank and her growing dissatisfaction with her friends. It effectively sets up the conflict between Veronica and Heather Chandler, propelling the story forward.

Originality: 0


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters in the scene are well-developed and their personalities shine through the dialogue. Veronica is portrayed as a conflicted and rebellious protagonist, while Heather Chandler is depicted as a manipulative and powerful antagonist.

Character Changes: 7

Veronica experiences a subtle change in her perspective and begins to question her loyalty to her friends. However, the scene could further explore her character development.

Internal Goal: 0

External Goal: 0


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict between Veronica and Heather Chandler is intense and sets the stage for further conflicts in the story. The scene also hints at the larger conflict between Veronica and the social hierarchy of her high school.

Opposition: 0

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high for Veronica as she rebels against the social hierarchy and risks losing her friends. The confrontation with Heather Chandler raises the stakes even further.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by establishing the central conflict and setting up future conflicts. It also deepens the audience's understanding of Veronica's character.

Unpredictability: 0

Philosophical Conflict: 0


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene elicits a range of emotions, from Veronica's internal struggle to the confrontation with Heather Chandler. However, there are moments that could be further developed to enhance the emotional impact.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue in the scene is sharp, witty, and filled with sarcasm. It effectively conveys the characters' personalities and motivations, adding depth to the scene.

Engagement: 0

Pacing: 0


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 0

Structure: 0


Critique
  • The scene starts with Veronica rampaging through her diary, but it's not clear why she is so upset or what specifically she plans to do to stop Heather. This lack of clarity makes it difficult for the audience to fully understand Veronica's motivations and goals.
  • The transition from Veronica ranting in her diary to her pouring vodka and setting it on fire feels abrupt and disjointed. There needs to be a smoother transition or a clearer connection between these actions.
  • The fire in the alley is a significant visual element, but it's not clear how it relates to Veronica's desire to stop Heather. The fire feels random and disconnected from the rest of the scene.
  • Heather Chandler's confrontation with Veronica in the dorm hallway lacks tension and intensity. The dialogue between them feels somewhat forced and the insults exchanged don't have a strong impact.
  • Veronica's rejection of Brad's advances feels somewhat out of place and doesn't have a clear purpose in the scene. It could be better integrated into the overall narrative or removed altogether.
  • The dialogue between Veronica and J.D. at the end of the scene feels rushed and lacks depth. It would benefit from more meaningful and revealing conversation between the two characters.
Suggestions
  • Provide more context and clarity for Veronica's motivations and goals in stopping Heather. This could be achieved through additional dialogue or inner monologue.
  • Create a stronger connection between Veronica's rant in her diary and her actions with the vodka and fire. This could be done by showing her frustration and anger building up to the point where she takes these actions.
  • Establish a clearer link between the fire in the alley and Veronica's desire to stop Heather. This could be achieved through visual cues or dialogue that connects the two elements.
  • Revise the confrontation between Heather Chandler and Veronica to make it more intense and impactful. This could involve rewriting the dialogue to be more cutting and emotionally charged.
  • Consider the purpose and relevance of Brad's advances towards Veronica in the scene. If it doesn't serve a clear narrative or character development purpose, it may be better to remove or revise this element.
  • Expand and deepen the dialogue between Veronica and J.D. at the end of the scene to provide more insight into their characters and their connection. This could involve exploring their motivations, fears, or shared experiences.



Scene 8 - Late Night Croquet and Confessions
39 EXT. THE SAWYER BACKYARD -- LATE NIGHT 39

The viewer's viewpoint glides through the grass of Veronica's
backyard uncovering combinations of wickets and articles of
clothing. A pair of girls shoes and a pair of guys shoes rest
together by the first wicket.

J.D. (V.O.)
Goddamn, no wonder you looked so
mangled when I came through the window.

Feminine socks and masculine socks lay crumpled by the next wicket.
VERONICA (V.O.)
I've always treated Heather's teen
queen power plays as bullshit.....

As VERONICA quiveringly pauses, a stylish blouse and a rugged
shirt are revealed mingling by another wicket.

VERONICA (V.O.)
But I'm really scared. Who am I going
to eat lunch with on Monday? I sound
like an Afterschool Special.

The viewer's viewpoint moves to a dress and a pair of jeans
resting side by side at another wicket.

J.D. (V.O.)
That was my first game of Strip
Croquet, you know. I thank you.

VERONICA (V.O.)
You're welcome. It's a lot more
interesting than just flinging
off your clothes and boning away
on the neighbor's swing set.

VERONICA'S blue mallet has been staked into the ground. Her
panties hang on one end, J.D.'s underwear hangs on the other.

J.D. (O.S.)
Well, I don't know. There's
something to be said for...Ouch!

VERONICA and J.D. are finally revealed, entangled in an artful
pose upon J.D.'s gunslinger coat. They warmly kiss. VERONICA
breaks off to uneasily giggle.

VERONICA
What a night.

J.D. gently bites in to VERONICA's neck. VERONICA grooves on
it, closing her eyes tightly.

VERONICA
What a life. I almost moved into high
school out of sixth grade because I
was some genius. We all decided to
chuck the idea because I'd have
trouble making friends, blah-blah-blah.

VERONICA slides her head down against J.D.'s chest and
gracefully rests on his lap. Gently fighting slumber, she
murmurs up to J.D., who showers her face with slow kisses.

VERONICA
Now blah-blah-blah is all I do. I use
my grand I.Q. to figure out what gloss
to wear and how to hit three keggers
before curfew. Some genius.
J.D.
Heather Chandler is one bitch that
deserves to die.

VERONICA
Killing her won't solve anything.

J.D.
A well-timed lightning bolt through
her window and Monday morning, all
the other heathers, shit, everybody
would be cast fucking adrift.

VERONICA
Well then, I'll pray for rain.

J.D.
See the condoms in the grass over
there. We killed tonight, Veronica.
We murdered our baby.

VERONICA
Hey, it was good for me too, Sparky.

J.D.
Just saying it's not hard to end a life.

VERONICA
There's a big difference between
the most popular girl in the school
and dead sperm.

They laugh. VERONICA maneuvers herself into a sitting position.

J.D.
I guess I don't know what the hell
I'm talking about.

VERONICA
I know exactly what the hell you're
talking about and you're right, you
don't know what the hell you're
talking about. Let's just grow up,
be adults, and die.

J.D.
Good plan.

VERONICA
But before that, I'd like to see
Heather Chandler puke her guts out.

40 INT. HEATHER CHANDLER'S BEDROOM -- DAY 40

HEATHER CHANDLER's bedroom is lushly and expensively furnished
with a glass coffee table as an eye-catching centerpiece.
HEATHER CHANDLER half-sleeps in twisted bedsheets as MRS.
CHANDLER'S VOICE attacks through the door.
MRS. CHANDLER (O.S.)
We are leaving soon for your
grandmother's. If you care to join us...

HEATHER CHANDLER
Bag that.

MRS. CHANDLER (O.S.)
Is that a "No" in your lingo?

HEATHER CHANDLER gives the voice behind the door "the finger."

HEATHER CHANDLER
Lingo this.
Genres: ["Comedy","Drama"]

Summary Veronica and J.D. share a vulnerable moment after playing strip croquet in Veronica's backyard. They discuss their dissatisfaction with their lives and Veronica's desire to see Heather Chandler suffer. The scene also shows Heather Chandler's rebellious attitude towards her mother.
Strengths "The scene effectively combines humor and introspection, provides insight into the characters' motivations and desires, and sets up conflicts and tensions that will drive the story forward."
Weaknesses "The scene could benefit from further exploration of the emotional depth and consequences of the characters' desires for change."

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively combines humor and introspection, providing insight into the characters' motivations and desires. The dialogue is witty and engaging, and the scene sets up conflicts and tensions that will drive the story forward.


Story Content

Concept: 7

The concept of playing strip croquet adds a unique and playful element to the scene, highlighting the characters' rebellious nature and their desire for freedom.

Plot: 8

The scene advances the plot by deepening the relationship between Veronica and J.D., setting up conflicts with Heather Chandler, and foreshadowing future events.

Originality: 0


Character Development

Characters: 9

The scene provides insight into Veronica and J.D.'s personalities, desires, and conflicts. Their chemistry and vulnerability make them compelling characters.

Character Changes: 7

Veronica and J.D. both experience a shift in their perspectives and desires during the scene. Veronica becomes more disillusioned with her friends, while J.D. reveals his darker side.

Internal Goal: 0

External Goal: 0


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict between Veronica and Heather Chandler, as well as the internal conflicts within Veronica and J.D., create tension and drive the scene forward.

Opposition: 0

High Stakes: 6

While the stakes are not extremely high in this scene, the conflicts and tensions set up have the potential to have significant consequences for the characters.

Story Forward: 8

The scene deepens the relationships between the characters, sets up conflicts, and foreshadows future events, moving the story forward.

Unpredictability: 0

Philosophical Conflict: 0


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes a mix of emotions, including humor, reflection, and anticipation. The characters' vulnerability and desires for change resonate with the audience.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is sharp, witty, and reveals the characters' thoughts and emotions. It effectively conveys their desires for change and their rebellious attitudes.

Engagement: 0

Pacing: 0


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 0

Structure: 0


Critique
  • The scene starts with a visual description of the viewer's viewpoint gliding through the grass, uncovering combinations of wickets and articles of clothing. While this can be an interesting visual, it may be more effective to focus on the characters and their actions rather than the setting.
  • The dialogue between Veronica and J.D. is flirty and playful, but it lacks depth and substance. It would be beneficial to explore their characters and motivations more in this scene.
  • The transition to Heather Chandler's bedroom feels abrupt and disconnected from the previous scene. It would be helpful to establish a stronger connection or transition between the two locations.
  • The dialogue between Heather Chandler and her mother feels forced and lacks authenticity. It would be more effective to develop their relationship and dynamics in a more nuanced way.
  • The scene ends with Heather Chandler giving her mother 'the finger,' which feels out of character and inconsistent with her previous behavior. It would be more impactful to find a more fitting and meaningful way for her to express her defiance and rebellion.
Suggestions
  • Consider focusing more on the characters and their emotions rather than the visual descriptions of the setting.
  • Develop the dialogue between Veronica and J.D. to reveal more about their personalities, motivations, and the complexities of their relationship.
  • Create a smoother transition between the backyard scene and Heather Chandler's bedroom to maintain a cohesive narrative flow.
  • Revisit the dialogue between Heather Chandler and her mother to make it more authentic and reflective of their relationship.
  • Find a more fitting and meaningful way for Heather Chandler to express her defiance and rebellion towards her mother.



Scene 9 - Toxic Concoction
41 INT. THE CHANDLER KITCHEN -- DAY 41

The sound of a lock being jimmied is heard moments before
VERONICA and J.D. burst through the door.

VERONICA
(quietly)
Trust me. She skips the Saturday
morning trip to Grandma's even
when she's not hungover.

J.D.
Then let's just concoct ourselves a
little hangover cure that'll induce
her to spew red, white, and blue.

VERONICA opens the refrigerator. J.D. opens the cupboard
beneath the sink.

VERONICA
What about orange juice and milk?
What's the upchuck factor on that?

J.D. holds up a bottle of cleaning fluid.

J.D.
I'm a No Rust Build-up man, myself.

VERONICA
Don't be a dick. That stuff'll
kill her.

VERONICA and J.D. make queasy eye-contact. VERONICA descends
back into the refrigerator with some worked-up enthusiasm as
J.D. suavely pours bits of various toxic containers
(detergent, scouring powder) into a glass beer mug.

VERONICA
O-kay. We'll cook up some soup and put
it in a Coke. Sick, eh? Now should it
be Chicken-Noodle or Bean-with-Bacon?
J.D.
Man Veronica, pull the plug on that
shit. I say we go with Big Blue.

J.D. raises the glass filled with what is now a strange blue
liquid. VERONICA stares at the glass, scared by her own
thoughts.

VERONICA
What are you DOING? You just
can't go.....Besides, she'd never
drink anything that looks like that.

J.D.
Okay we'll use this. She won't be
able to tell what she's drinking.

J.D. pulls down a ceramic cup and triumphantly pours the
poisonously blue beer glass contents into it. An eerie pause
ensues. VERONICA takes out a milk carton and a container of
orange juice. She struts back to the counter in anger, icily
muttering.

VERONICA
Just give me a cup, jerk.

J.D. sheepishly pulls down an identical ceramic cup. VERONICA
tears it from him and pours some milk and then some orange
juice into the cup.

VERONICA
Milk and orange juice. Hmmmm. Maybe
we could cough a phlegm globber in
it or something.

J.D.
Yeah, great.

They both start coughing harshly.

VERONICA
No luck? Well, milk and orange juice'll
do quite nicely. Quite nicely.

J.D.
Chick-en.

VERONICA
You're not funny.

J.D. turns on his heel and slinks away. VERONICA glares down
at the mess of toxic containers.

With both arms, VERONICA clumps the toxic containers together
and drops beneath the sink to put them away. J.D. swaggers
back into the kitchen as VERONICA bobs back into view.

J.D.
I'm sorry.
J.D. kisses the back of her neck. VERONICA closes her eyes
with a grudging smile.

VERONICA
Bonehead.

VERONICA dreamily reaches out to one of the two ceramic cups.

Not the one with milk and orange juice in it.
Genres: ["Comedy","Drama"]

Summary Veronica and J.D. plan to make Heather Chandler sick by creating a toxic hangover cure. They debate the ingredients and settle on a blue liquid. Veronica expresses her doubts, but J.D. convinces her to go along with the plan. They prepare the concoction and Veronica reluctantly pours milk and orange juice into a cup. J.D. apologizes for his behavior and they share a tender moment. The scene ends with Veronica holding the cup, unsure of what she's about to do.
Strengths
  • Sharp and witty dialogue
  • Exploration of toxic social hierarchy
  • Vulnerable moment between Veronica and J.D.
Weaknesses
  • Lack of strong emotional impact
  • Limited character changes

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively captures the dark and sarcastic tone of the film while exploring the theme of rebellion against toxic social dynamics. The dialogue is sharp and witty, and the characters' actions reveal their inner conflicts. However, the scene could benefit from stronger emotional impact and more significant character changes.


Story Content

Concept: 7

The concept of creating a toxic hangover cure to make Heather Chandler sick is unique and adds an element of dark humor to the scene. It also serves as a catalyst for Veronica's internal conflict and her growing connection with J.D.

Plot: 7

The plot of the scene revolves around Veronica and J.D.'s plan to make Heather Chandler sick. It effectively showcases Veronica's disillusionment with her friends and her desire to break free from the toxic social hierarchy. The conflict between Veronica and Heather Chandler sets the stage for future conflicts.

Originality: 0


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters in the scene, particularly Veronica and J.D., are well-developed and their personalities shine through their dialogue and actions. Veronica's disillusionment and J.D.'s rebellious nature are effectively portrayed. Heather Chandler's rebellious attitude towards her mother adds depth to her character.

Character Changes: 6

Veronica experiences a slight character change as she becomes more disillusioned with her friends and more willing to rebel against the toxic social hierarchy. J.D.'s character remains consistent in his rebellious nature.

Internal Goal: 0

External Goal: 0


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict in the scene is primarily internal, as Veronica grapples with her desire to break free from her toxic friends and her fear of the consequences. The confrontation between Veronica and Heather Chandler adds an external conflict that sets the stage for future conflicts.

Opposition: 0

High Stakes: 6

The stakes in the scene are relatively low, as the consequences of the toxic concoction plan are uncertain. However, it sets the stage for higher stakes and conflicts in the future.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by deepening Veronica and J.D.'s connection, setting up future conflicts, and showcasing Veronica's growing disillusionment with her friends. It also introduces the toxic concoction plot point.

Unpredictability: 0

Philosophical Conflict: 0


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

The scene has some emotional impact, particularly in the vulnerable moment between Veronica and J.D. However, it could benefit from stronger emotional depth and resonance.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue in the scene is sharp, witty, and reflective of the dark and sarcastic tone of the film. It effectively conveys the characters' emotions, conflicts, and motivations. The banter between Veronica and J.D. showcases their growing connection.

Engagement: 0

Pacing: 0


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 0

Structure: 0


Critique
  • The scene lacks clear objectives for the characters. It is not clear what Veronica and J.D. are trying to achieve by concocting a hangover cure for Heather Chandler.
  • The dialogue feels forced and unnatural at times. Some lines, like 'Trust me. She skips the Saturday morning trip to Grandma's even when she's not hungover,' feel contrived and don't flow naturally.
  • The conflict between Veronica and J.D. over the choice of ingredients for the hangover cure is not well-developed. It feels like a minor disagreement that is quickly resolved.
  • The emotional tone of the scene is unclear. It starts off with a darkly comedic tone, but then shifts to a more romantic tone when J.D. kisses Veronica's neck.
  • The visual elements in the scene, such as the toxic containers and the ceramic cups, are not effectively utilized to enhance the storytelling.
  • The scene lacks a clear resolution. It ends abruptly with Veronica reaching for one of the ceramic cups, but it is not clear what her intention is.
Suggestions
  • Establish clear objectives for Veronica and J.D. in this scene. What are they trying to achieve by concocting a hangover cure for Heather Chandler? This will give the scene a stronger sense of purpose.
  • Rewrite the dialogue to make it more natural and conversational. Avoid lines that feel contrived or forced. Focus on creating authentic and believable dialogue for the characters.
  • Develop the conflict between Veronica and J.D. over the choice of ingredients for the hangover cure. Make it a more significant disagreement that adds tension and complexity to their relationship.
  • Clarify the emotional tone of the scene. Decide whether it should be darkly comedic or romantic, and ensure that the tone remains consistent throughout.
  • Utilize the visual elements in the scene to enhance the storytelling. Show the audience the toxic containers and the ceramic cups in a way that adds depth and meaning to the scene.
  • Provide a clear resolution to the scene. Show Veronica's intention when she reaches for one of the ceramic cups, and give the audience a sense of closure or anticipation for what will happen next.



Scene 10 - The Hangover Cure
42 INT. HEATHER CHANDLER'S BEDROOM -- DAY 42

HEATHER CHANDLER angelically sleeps as VERONICA and J.D.
enter.

VERONICA
Morning, Heather.

Like a lion, HEATHER CHANDLER rouses herself up.

HEATHER CHANDLER
Veronica. And Jesse James. Quelle
surprise. Hear about Veronica's
affection for regurgitation?

VERONICA
We both said a lot of things we
didn't mean, last night.

HEATHER CHANDLER
Did we? How the hell'd you get in here?

J.D.
Veronica knew you'd have a hangover.
So I whipped this up. Family recipe.

J.D. holds out the ceramic cup. HEATHER CHANDLER snorts.

HEATHER CHANDLER
Did you put a phlegm globber in it
or something? I'm not drinking that piss.

J.D.
I knew this stuff would be too intense.

HEATHER CHANDLER
Intense? Grow up. You think I'll drink
it just because you call me CHICKEN.

They do. They're right.

HEATHER CHANDLER
Just give me the cup, jerk.

HEATHER CHANDLER rises from the bed and struts to J.D. in
anger. She takes the cup, slams her head back and downs it
all.
She then launches her head forward, her face contorted in
agony.

HEATHER CHANDLER
Corn nuts!

HEATHER CHANDLER'S eyes slam shut and her limp body crashes
through the glass coffee table. VERONICA and J.D. freeze.

J.D.
Something tells me you picked up
the wrong cup.

VERONICA
No shit, sherlock. I can't believe
it. I just killed my best friend.

J.D.
And your worst enemy.

VERONICA
Same difference. Oh jesus, I'm gonna...

VERONICA staggers to a desk. J.D. laughs out of shock.

J.D.
What are we going to tell the cops?
"Fuck it if she can't take a joke, Sarge."

VERONICA
Stop kidding around. The police....oh
no, oh God....I can't believe this is
my life..I'm going to have to send my
S.A.T. scores to San Quentin instead
of Stanford.

J.D.
I'm just a little freaked, all right?
(a beat)
You got what you wanted, you know.

VERONICA
Don't say that! It's one thing to
want somebody out of your life. It's
another thing to serve them a wake-up
cup of Liquid Drainer....Don't say....

VERONICA stares off as J.D. paces like a caged animal. He
scopes onto the rubble of the shattered coffee table and sees
Cliff Notes for The Bell Jar plus a magazine proclaiming
"THE FALL OF THE AMERICAN TEEN" under HEATHER CHANDLER's body.

J.D.
We did a murder. In Ohio, that's a crime.
But if this was like a suicide thing.....

VERONICA
Like a suicide thing?
J.D.
Adolescence is a period of life
fraught with anxiety and confusion.

VERONICA
(calming down)
I can do Heather's handwriting as
well as my own.

VERONICA takes some stationery from the desk and begins
writing, calling out her words.

VERONICA
"You might think what I've done is
shocking..."

J.D.
"To me though, suicide is the
natural answer to the myriad
of problems life has given me."

VERONICA
That's good, but Heather would
never use the word "myriad."

J.D.
This is the last thing she'll ever
write. She'll want to cash in on as
many fifty-cent words as poss.

VERONICA
She missed "myriad" on a vocab
test two weeks ago, all right?

J.D.
That only proves my point more. The word
is a badge for her failures at school.

VERONICA
You're probably right..."People think
just because you're beautiful and
popular, life is easy and fun. Nobody
understood I had feelings too."

J.D.
"I die knowing no one knew the real me."

VERONICA
That's good. Have you done this before?

VERONICA's smile dies as she looks to HEATHER CHANDLER'S corpse.

43 INT. SCHOOL CONFERENCE ROOM -- DAY 43

At the head of a long conference table is the bearlike
PRINCIPAL GOWAN. Circling the table is the gray-haired but
savvy MRS. POPE, the yuppie black counselor PAUL HYDE, TWO
large DISCIPLINARIAN-TYPES, and most noticeably, the
eccentrically dressed MS. PAULINE FLEMING. Coats are in chairs
and cigarette smoke is in the air, as the group batters their
way through a morning mourning conference.

PRINCIPAL GOWAN
Any other Principal would take the same
position. Keep things business as usual.

COUNSELOR HYDE
Heather Chandler's not your everyday
suicide. She was VERY popular.

PRINCIPAL GOWAN
Come on Paul, I let the kids go before
lunch and the switchboard'll light up
like a Christmas Tree.

COUNSELOR HYDE
The parents will be sympathetic, sir.
These are troubled times for the young.

MRS. POPE
I must say I was impressed to see
that she made proper use of the word
"myriad" in her suicide note after
brutalizing it in a vocabulary test.

PAULINE
(dramatically cutting in)
I find it profoundly disturbing that
we are told of a tragic destruction
of youth and all we can talk about
is adequate mourning times and
misused vocabulary words.

A collective sigh goes across the room.

PRINCIPAL GOWAN
Oh Christ.

PAULINE
The school, meaning both students
and teachers, must revel in this
revealing moment. I suggest we get
everyone into the cafeteria and
just talk. And feel. Together.

PRINCIPAL GOWAN
Thank you, Ms. Fleming. Call me
when the shuttle lands...Now is
this Heather the cheerleader?

COUNSELOR HYDE
That would be Heather Mcnamara.

PRINCIPAL GOWAN
Damn. I'd be willing to go half a
day for a cheerleader.
MRS. POPE
Let's just pack it in an hour early.

PRINCIPAL GOWAN
Done. I hate Mondays.
Genres: ["Drama","Comedy"]

Summary Veronica and J.D. accidentally kill Heather Chandler with a toxic hangover cure. They panic and try to cover it up by staging it as a suicide. The school holds a conference to discuss the tragedy.
Strengths
  • Effective blend of dark humor and drama
  • Strong character development
  • Compelling plot twists
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue could be further refined

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene effectively combines dark humor with a serious and shocking event, creating a compelling and memorable moment in the story.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of accidentally killing someone and trying to cover it up is intriguing and adds tension to the story.

Plot: 9

The plot takes a dramatic turn with the accidental death of Heather Chandler, leading to a series of events that will have significant consequences for the characters.

Originality: 0


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed and their actions and dialogue reflect their personalities and motivations.

Character Changes: 8

Veronica experiences a significant change as she realizes the consequences of her actions and the need to take responsibility.

Internal Goal: 0

External Goal: 0


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between Veronica, J.D., and Heather Chandler escalates with the accidental death, creating high stakes and tension.

Opposition: 0

High Stakes: 9

The accidental death of Heather Chandler raises the stakes for the characters and sets the stage for further conflicts and consequences.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by introducing a major conflict and setting up the consequences that the characters will face.

Unpredictability: 0

Philosophical Conflict: 0


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a mix of shock, humor, and unease, leaving a lasting emotional impact on the audience.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is sharp and witty, capturing the dark humor and satirical tone of the scene.

Engagement: 0

Pacing: 0


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 0

Structure: 0


Critique
  • The scene starts abruptly without any transition or establishing shot, which can be disorienting for the audience.
  • The dialogue between Veronica and J.D. feels forced and unnatural, lacking depth and authenticity.
  • Heather Chandler's reaction to the hangover cure seems exaggerated and out of character, which undermines the credibility of the scene.
  • The sudden shift from comedic banter to the realization of Heather's death feels jarring and lacks a smooth transition.
  • The dialogue between Veronica and J.D. as they write the suicide note feels contrived and lacks emotional depth.
  • The scene in the school conference room lacks tension and fails to effectively convey the gravity of Heather's suicide.
  • The dialogue in the conference room feels superficial and lacks nuance, reducing the impact of the scene.
  • The scene lacks visual descriptions and details, making it difficult for the reader to visualize the setting and actions.
  • The pacing of the scene feels uneven, with abrupt shifts in tone and pacing that disrupt the flow of the story.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a transition or establishing shot at the beginning of the scene to provide context and orient the audience.
  • Work on developing more natural and authentic dialogue between Veronica and J.D., focusing on their individual voices and motivations.
  • Reconsider Heather Chandler's reaction to the hangover cure, making it more consistent with her character and the tone of the scene.
  • Smooth out the transition from comedic banter to the realization of Heather's death by gradually building tension and foreshadowing the tragic event.
  • Deepen the emotional depth of the dialogue between Veronica and J.D. as they write the suicide note, exploring their conflicting emotions and motivations.
  • Revise the scene in the school conference room to create more tension and convey the gravity of Heather's suicide, adding depth to the dialogue and interactions between the characters.
  • Include more visual descriptions and details to enhance the reader's understanding and visualization of the scene.
  • Refine the pacing of the scene by ensuring smooth transitions between different tones and moments, maintaining a consistent flow throughout.



Scene 11 - The Suicide Note
44 INT. PAULINE FLEMING'S CLASSROOM -- DAY 44

The desks of the classroom have been maneuvered into an
amusingly chaotic position by PAULINE'S PUPILS. She is
furious.

PAULINE
I said a circle you imbeciles! Forget
it! Just sit down. I'm just so THRILLED
to be given an example of everything
I've taught you. That example is
Heather Chandler. I have the note!

PAULINE melodramatically lifts the suicide note. The class AAAHS.

MALE STUDENT
Awright!

PAULINE
I'll pass the suicide note around
the room so you can feel its tragic
beauty for yourself. Let us share
together the feelings the suicide has
spurred in us all. Who wants to begin?

FEMALE STONER IN ARMY JAKET
I heard it was really gnarly. She sucked
down a bowl of multi-purpose deodorizing
disinfectant then she smashed....

PAULINE
Now, now, we're not here to rehash
the coroner's report. Let's talk EMOTIONS.

ALL-OUT NERD
Are we going to be tested on this?

A stunned PAULINE glares until preppie PETER DAWSON speaks.
The note continues to be breathlessly passed around.

PETER
Heather and I used to go together,
but she said I was boring. I realize
now I wasn't really boring. She was
just dissatisfied with her life.

PAULINE
That's very good Peter.

VERONICA lets out a laugh that she disguises as a sob by
putting her hands over her face.
PAULINE
Dear Veronica, Heather was your
soulmate.....Share.

VERONICA
Heather was cool, but cruel. The good
looks and bad manners gave her power,
but it could not give her happiness.

The class stares to VERONICA as the suicide note is passed to
her. She acknowledges it in horror, passes it on, then
continues, realizing her ability to create truths for a
captive audience.

VERONICA
She realized the only way she could
be happy was to give up her power and
the only way she could do that was Death.

PAULINE cries. The PUPILS applaud. VERONICA queasily smiles.

45 INT. THE GIRLS LOCKER ROOM -- DAY 45

The GIRLS are finishing up putting on their clothes.

HEATHER MCNAMARA
Oh God, it's so unfair. It's just so
UNFAIR! We should get a whole week
off not just an hour.

HEATHER DUKE
Write the School Board.

HEATHER DUKE gnaws on a chicken leg as she speaks.

VERONICA
Watch it, Heather. You could actually
be digesting food.

HEATHER MCNAMARA
Yeah, where's your urge to purge?

HEATHER DUKE
(belching)
Fuck it.

HEATHER MCNAMARA pulls a Swatch from one of the lockers.

HEATHER MCNAMARA
Look, heather left behind one of her
Swatches. She'd want you to have it,
Veronica. She always said you couldn't
accessorize for shit.

HEATHER MCNAMARA tosses the watch to a spooked VERONICA who
stands up and solemnly puts it on. The FEMALE STONER IN ARMY
JACKET stops next to their bench.
FEMALE STONER IN ARMY JACKET
I'm sorry about your friend. I thought
she was your usual airhead bitch.
Guess I was wrong. Lot of us were.

HEATHER DUKE bobs up from the world's largest sno-cone.

HEATHER DUKE
What a waste.

VERONICA zombiesquely moves into the shower area.

HEATHER DUKE (V.O.)
Oh the Humanity.

46 INT. THE SHOWER -- DAY 46

VERONICA turns on a shower and lets the water spray against
her clothes.

47 INT. THE LOCKER ROOM -- DAY 47

HEATHER MCNAMARA
Veronica, what are you doing?

SQUEALING GIRL (O.S.)
Everyone in the shower!

TWO GIGGLING GIRLS run into the shower fully clothed. THREE
OTHERS follow suit. The HEATHERS look to each other, laugh,
and run in.

48 INT. THE GIRLS' COACH'S LOCKER ROOM OFFICE -- DAY 48

Heavy Metalers MATT, CLYDE, and STEVE plus Geek RODNEY sneak
into a darkened room. Girls' laughter drifts in.

MATT
Do I deliver or do I deliver?

RODNEY
Hurry up, we're going to get caught.

MATT
Mellow out Geek. Man, I never
should have brought you.

CLYDE
Let's see some PUSSY!

MATT pulls a curtain revealing a semi-overhead view of the
showering and clothed GIRLS.

49 INT. THE SHOWER -- DAY 49

The GIRLS splash and spin in balletlike slow motion. VERONICA
stands facing the viewer, the Swatch noticeably attached.
50 INT. THE GIRLS' COACH'S LOCKER ROOM OFFICE -- DAY 50

Cautiously quiet pandemonium.

MATT
Does this have something to do with
menstrual cramps and shit?

CLYDE
(dazed)
What the fuck?

RODNEY
We're on Candid Camera, dudes. I
can feel it.

CLYDE
What the fuck?

51 EXT. OUTSIDE OF THE SCHOOL -- DAY 51

Pulling their coats over their wet clothes, VERONICA and the
HEATHERS come out of the school.

HEATHER MCNAMARA
That was seriously warped, Veronica.

VERONICA
Uh-huh.

HEATHER DUKE
T.V. cameras!

In the distance, a T.V. CAMERA CREW is interviewing STUDENTS.
HEATHER DUKE dashes toward them. HEATHER MCNAMARA freezes.

HEATHER MCNAMARA
Oh God, Veronica. My hair! My clothes!

HEATHER MCNAMARA moans, vibrates, then suddenly races toward
the cameras. VERONICA looks down at the soaked, stopped Swatch
on her arm. She takes it off and drops it in a neaby trashcan.
Genres: ["Comedy","Drama"]

Summary Veronica and her classmates discuss the suicide of Heather Chandler, passing around her suicide note and sharing their emotions. Veronica creates a narrative about Heather's unhappiness and desire to give up her power. The scene ends with Veronica and the Heathers joking around in the locker room.
Strengths "The scene effectively combines humor and satire with deeper emotional exploration. The dialogue is sharp and witty, revealing the characters' personalities. The social commentary on the toxic social hierarchy is thought-provoking."
Weaknesses "The scene could benefit from a stronger sense of conflict and higher stakes to increase tension."

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively combines humor and satire with a deeper exploration of the characters' emotions and societal pressures.


Story Content

Concept: 7

The concept of exploring the toxic social hierarchy and the characters' desire to break free is well-executed and engaging.

Plot: 7

The plot progresses as the characters discuss Heather's suicide and Veronica creates a narrative about her unhappiness.

Originality: 0


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-developed and their emotions and conflicts are effectively portrayed.

Character Changes: 6

Veronica experiences a slight change in her perspective as she creates a narrative about Heather's unhappiness.

Internal Goal: 0

External Goal: 0


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

There is a mild conflict between Veronica's internal conflict and her desire to break free from the toxic social hierarchy.

Opposition: 0

High Stakes: 5

The stakes are relatively low in this scene, focusing more on character development and social commentary.

Story Forward: 7

The scene provides insight into the characters' emotions and sets up the ongoing conflict between Veronica and the Heathers.

Unpredictability: 0

Philosophical Conflict: 0


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes a mix of emotions, including amusement, cynicism, and a sense of societal critique.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is sharp, witty, and reveals the characters' personalities and emotions.

Engagement: 0

Pacing: 0


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 0

Structure: 0


Critique
  • The scene starts off with an amusingly chaotic classroom setup, but it's not clear why the desks are arranged this way or how it relates to the story.
  • The introduction of the suicide note feels melodramatic and lacks subtlety. It would be more effective to show the impact of Heather Chandler's suicide through the reactions and emotions of the characters.
  • The dialogue in the classroom lacks depth and authenticity. It feels forced and doesn't reveal much about the characters or their relationships.
  • Veronica's laugh disguised as a sob feels out of place and doesn't fit with the emotional tone of the scene.
  • The transition to the locker room is abrupt and doesn't flow smoothly. It would benefit from a clearer connection between the classroom scene and the locker room scene.
  • The dialogue in the locker room lacks depth and substance. It mostly consists of superficial banter and doesn't contribute much to the overall story.
  • The introduction of the Swatch as a symbol feels forced and contrived. It would be more effective to find a more organic way to convey Heather Chandler's presence and influence.
  • The scene in the girls' coach's locker room office feels unnecessary and adds little to the story. It could be removed to streamline the narrative.
  • The reveal of the boys watching the girls shower feels voyeuristic and inappropriate. It doesn't add anything meaningful to the scene and could be replaced with a more relevant conflict or interaction.
  • The ending of the scene with Veronica dropping the Swatch in the trashcan lacks impact and significance. It doesn't leave a lasting impression or create anticipation for what's to come.
Suggestions
  • Consider rethinking the classroom setup to make it more meaningful and relevant to the story. It should reflect the characters' emotions and relationships.
  • Instead of melodramatically presenting the suicide note, focus on the characters' reactions and emotions to convey the impact of Heather Chandler's death.
  • Revise the dialogue in the classroom to make it more authentic and revealing of the characters' personalities and conflicts.
  • Remove Veronica's laugh disguised as a sob, as it feels out of place and disrupts the emotional tone of the scene.
  • Improve the transition between the classroom and the locker room to create a smoother flow and connection between the two scenes.
  • Develop more meaningful and substantial dialogue in the locker room to deepen the characters' relationships and explore their emotions.
  • Find a more organic way to convey Heather Chandler's presence and influence without relying on contrived symbols like the Swatch.
  • Consider removing the scene in the girls' coach's locker room office to streamline the narrative and focus on more relevant conflicts and interactions.
  • Replace the voyeuristic and inappropriate element of the boys watching the girls shower with a more relevant and meaningful conflict or interaction.
  • Revise the ending of the scene to create a stronger impact and leave a lasting impression on the audience.



Scene 12 - The Funeral
52 INT. THE DEAN LIVING ROOM -- LATE AFTERNOON 52

A massive T.V. set shows the image of HEATHER DUKE posed by a
tree, talking into a microphone.

HEATHER DUKE (T.V.)
I choose to remember the good times.
Like when we got our ears pierced
at the mall.

The image of HEATHER MCNAMARA sitting in the grass talking
into a microphone supersedes HEATHER DUKE's.

HEATHER MCNAMARA (T.V.)
I can still hear those late night
talks on the phone.
The image of PETER DAWSON sitting on a rock comes on next.

PETER (T.V.)
The day I won her that stuffed rhino
at the 4-H Fair, she said to me....

VERONICA (O.S.)
You're an asshole! Mute him!

VERONICA and J.D. are seen to be crashed on a couch. J.D.
pushes a button on the remote control, cutting the sound.

J.D.
Mute!

VERONICA
Next channel, darling.

The silent image of HEATHER DUKE on a staircase talking into a
microphone is on the screen.

VERONICA (O.S.)
Heather, how many networks did
you run to!

Country Club Courtney appears wearing a T-shirt reading BIGFUN.
VERONICA takes the remote and turns the sound on.

VERONICA
Oh, I have to hear this.

COURTNEY (T.V.)
In my heart, Heather's still alive.

VERONICA
(muting Courtney)
What are you talking about? She
hated you! You hated her!
(to J.D.)
What are you smiling at?

J.D.
Heather Chandler is more popular
than ever now.

VERONICA
Yeah. Scary stuff.

J.D. suddenly looks away from VERONICA with a mischievous
half-smile. He inexplicably calls out.

J.D.
Why son, I didn't hear you come in.

J.D.'s father BIG BUD DEAN, stands before them, handsome and
threatening in a shirt and tie. He is rather malevolently
holding a rowing machine.
BIG BUD DEAN
Hey Dad, how was work today?

BIG BUD slams down his rowing machine and straddles it before
answering his own question. He rows as he speaks. The Brady
Bunch sputters on the T.V. screen before him.

BIG BUD DEAN
It was miserable. Some damn tribe of
withered old bitches doesn't want us
to terminate that fleabag hotel. All
because Glenn Miller and his band once
took a shit there. It's just like
Kansas. Do you remember fucking Kansas?

J.D.
That was the one with wheat right?

BIG BUD DEAN
The Save the Memorial Oak Tree
Society. Showed those fucks.

J.D. turns to VERONICA with a bemused smile.

J.D.
Thirty Fourth of July fireworks
attached to the trunk. Arraigned
but Acquitted.

BIG BUD DEAN
Fucking Kansas. Gosh Pop, I almost
forgot to introduce my girlfriend.

J.D.
Veronica, Dad. Dad, Veronica.

VERONICA
Hello.

VERONICA, with a forced smile, reaches to shaked BUD's hand.
He extends his hand but makes no effort to stop rowing
hence his hand pulls away from VERONICA. Pop and son laugh.

J.D.
Jason, why don't you ask your
little friend to stay for dinner.

VERONICA
(awkwardly standing)
My Mom's making my favorite meal
tonight. Spaghetti. Lots of oregano.

J.D.
Nice. The last time I saw my Mom,
she was waving out the window of a
library in Texas. Right, DAD?

BIG BUD DEAN stops rowing to grin a You-Think-You're-
Tougher-Than-Me-But-You're-Not smile to J.D.
BIG BUD DEAD
Right, SON.

VERONICA
(weakly)
Right.

53 EXT. THE SAWYER PATIO -- DUSK 53

Just as in the earlier patio scene, DAD and MOM SAWYER are
seated at a patio table with an empty chair between them. Pate
is on the table. DAD smokes a cigarette.

DAD
Take a break Veronica, sit down.

VERONICA walks into view and sits down.

VERONICA
All right.

DAD
So what was the first day after
Heather's suicide like?

VERONICA
I don't know, it was okay, I guess.

MOM
Terrible thing. So will we get to
meet this dark horse prom contender?

VERONICA
MayBE.

DAD
(looking at his cigarette)
Goddamn. Will somebody please tell
me why I smoke these damn things?

VERONICA
(smiling)
Because you're an idiot.

DAD
Oh yeah, that's it.

DAD immediately takes another drag with a wide grin.

MOM
(shaking her head)
You two....

VERONICA
Greate pate, but I'm going to have
to motor if I want to be ready for
the funeral tomorrow.
54 INT. HEATHER MCNAMARA'S BEDROOM -- DAY 54

A montage commences showing the HEATHERS preparing for the
funeral. HEATHER MCNAMARA models an all-black outfit in front
of a dressing table mirror. She storms away, pouting.

55 INT. HEATHER DUKE'S BEDROOM -- DAY 55

Bobbing up from a fashion magazine whose cover story is
FUNERAL CHIC, HEATHER DUKE finishes applying black lipstick. A
look of horror passes over her face and she savagely scrubs
her lips.

56 INT. CHURCH -- DAY 56

A MORTICIAN puts the finishing touches on HEATHER CHANDLER,
smoothing out her clothes and buffing her face. He gently
kisses her forehead then quickly rebuffs the spot.

57 INT. HEATHER MCNAMARA'S BEDROOM -- DAY 57

HEATHER MCNAMARA models another black outfit. She responds
this time with a satisfied smile.

58 INT. HEATHER DUKE'S BEDROOM -- DAY 58

Traditionally made up, a smiling HEATHER DUKE brings a
crucifix earring to her ear and attaches it.
Genres: ["Comedy","Drama"]

Summary Veronica and J.D. attend Heather Chandler's funeral and interact with their parents. They discuss the aftermath of Heather's suicide and prepare for the funeral. The scene showcases the dark humor and cynicism of the characters.
Strengths "The scene effectively balances humor and drama, has sharp and witty dialogue, and explores the characters' emotions and relationships."
Weaknesses "The scene could benefit from further exploration of the theme and deeper character development."

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively balances humor and drama, providing insight into the characters' emotions and relationships. The dialogue is sharp and witty, and the scene moves the story forward by setting up the funeral.


Story Content

Concept: 7

The concept of attending a funeral and dealing with the aftermath of a suicide is compelling and provides opportunities for character development and exploration of themes.

Plot: 7

The plot progresses as the characters prepare for the funeral and discuss their feelings about Heather's death. The scene sets up future conflicts and developments.

Originality: 0


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed and their personalities shine through in their interactions. Veronica is conflicted and sarcastic, while J.D. is mischievous and manipulative. The parents add depth to the scene with their dysfunctional behavior.

Character Changes: 6

There is some character development as Veronica and J.D. navigate their emotions and relationships in the aftermath of Heather's suicide.

Internal Goal: 0

External Goal: 0


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

There is a moderate level of conflict in the scene, primarily in the dysfunctional relationships between the characters and their parents. The conflict sets up future tensions and developments.

Opposition: 0

High Stakes: 6

The stakes are moderate in the scene, as the characters navigate their emotions and relationships in the aftermath of Heather's suicide. The funeral and its aftermath will have significant consequences for the characters.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by setting up the funeral and the conflicts that will arise from it. It also deepens the characters' relationships and emotions.

Unpredictability: 0

Philosophical Conflict: 0


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes a bittersweet and melancholic emotional response. It explores the characters' grief and the complicated emotions surrounding Heather's death.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is sharp, witty, and reveals the characters' personalities and emotions. It effectively conveys the dark humor and cynicism of the scene.

Engagement: 0

Pacing: 0


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 0

Structure: 0


Critique
  • The scene starts with a series of TV clips showing different characters talking about Heather Chandler's death. While this montage serves the purpose of providing some background information, it feels disjointed and lacks a clear narrative flow. The transitions between the different characters are abrupt and could be smoother.
  • The dialogue between Veronica and J.D. during the TV show is somewhat forced and lacks depth. It feels like they are just commenting on the TV show without adding much substance to the scene.
  • The introduction of Big Bud Dean feels rushed and doesn't have a clear purpose. His interaction with J.D. and Veronica is awkward and doesn't contribute much to the overall story.
  • The transition from the living room scene to the Sawyer patio scene is abrupt and could be smoother. It feels like a sudden shift without a clear connection.
  • The conversation between Veronica and her parents on the patio lacks depth and feels superficial. It could benefit from more meaningful dialogue that explores their emotions and reactions to Heather's death.
  • The montage showing the Heathers preparing for the funeral is a bit repetitive and could be condensed to maintain the pacing of the scene.
  • The scene lacks a clear conflict or tension, which makes it feel somewhat stagnant and unengaging.
  • The emotional tone of the scene is inconsistent. While it is described as darkly comedic, the humor feels forced and doesn't always land effectively.
  • There are some missed opportunities for visual storytelling and symbolism that could enhance the scene and add depth to the characters' emotions and relationships.
Suggestions
  • Consider restructuring the TV clips montage to create a more cohesive narrative flow. Find a way to smoothly transition between the different characters' perspectives and make their contributions more meaningful to the overall story.
  • Develop the dialogue between Veronica and J.D. during the TV show to delve deeper into their emotions and reactions to Heather's death. Use this opportunity to explore their relationship and add layers to their characters.
  • Reconsider the introduction of Big Bud Dean and his interaction with J.D. and Veronica. Make sure his presence serves a clear purpose in advancing the plot or developing the characters.
  • Work on smoother transitions between scenes to maintain a cohesive narrative flow. Find ways to connect the different locations and characters more effectively.
  • Revise the dialogue between Veronica and her parents on the patio to make it more emotionally resonant. Explore their grief and reactions to Heather's death in a more authentic and meaningful way.
  • Condense the montage showing the Heathers preparing for the funeral to maintain the pacing of the scene. Focus on the most significant moments that contribute to the characters' development or the overall story.
  • Introduce a clear conflict or tension in the scene to make it more engaging. This could be a disagreement between characters, a revelation, or a moment of emotional intensity.
  • Refine the darkly comedic tone of the scene to ensure that the humor feels organic and serves a purpose in enhancing the story or characters.
  • Look for opportunities to incorporate visual storytelling and symbolism to add depth to the scene. This could be through the use of props, gestures, or visual motifs that reflect the characters' emotions or relationships.



Scene 13 - Funeral and Reflections
59 INT. CHURCH -- DAY 59
A59 A59
HEATHER CHANDLER serenely lies in a coffin as FATHER RIPPER
bellows off-screen. A panorama of ADULTS and STUDENTS is
revealed at this more social than spiritual event. VERONICA
and J.D. watch from the back pew.

FATHER RIPPER (O.S.)
I blame not Heather but rather a
society that tells its youth that
the answers are on the MTV video
games. We must pray the other
teenagers of Sherwood, Ohio, know
the name of that "righteous dude"
who can solve their problems....

The bald FATHER RIPPER finally comes into view.

FATHER RIPPER
(cont'd)
It's Jesus Christ and he's in the book.

B59 KNEELING PODIUM BEFORE COFFIN -- LATER B59

BETTY FINN is kneeling before HEATHER CHANDLER'S open coffin.
The viewer hears what she is thinking.
BETTY (V.O.)
May Heather Chandler rest in peace
even though she committed suicide.
For-the-kingdom-the-power-and-the-
glory-are-yours-now-and-forever-Amen.

BETTY FINN makes the sign of the cross, rises, and exits.
HEATHER MCNAMARA takes her place on the kneeling podium.

HEATHER MCNAMARA (V.O.)
Oh God, this is a tragic thing and
sometimes I have a hard time dealing
with it and stuff. Please send Heather
to heaven and all that. Thanks. I
mean, Amen.

HEATHER MCNAMARA exits and PETER DAWSON moves in her place.

PETER (V.O.)
Dear God, make sure this never
happens to me. I do not think I
could handle suicide and that's
the God's honest truth. Pardon
the pun. Fast-early-acceptance-
into-an-Ivy-League-school-and-
please-let-it-be-Harvard. Amen.

PETER flees and RAM uncomfortably takes his place.

RAM (V.O.)
Jesus God in heaven, uh, why did
you kill such hot snatch. That's
a joke, man. People are so serious.
(a beat)
Hail Mary, who aren't in heaven,
pray for us sinners....so we don't
get caught. Another joke, man.

RAM clumsily exits. HEATHER DUKE solemnly kneels in his place.

HEATHER DUKE (V.O.)
I prayed for the death of Heather
Chandler many times and I felt bad
every time I did, but I kept doing
it anyway. Now I know you understood
everything. Praise Jesus. Alleluia.

HEATHER DUKE departs and VERONICA kneels in her place.

VERONICA (V.O.)
Hi. I'm sorry. Technically I didn't
kill Heather Chandler but hey, who
am I trying to kid, right? I just
want my high school to be a nice
place. Amen. Did that sound bitchy?
C59 CHURCH LOBBY C59

HEATHER MCNAMARA dips a big comb in the holy water basin and
then combs out her hair. VERONICA breezes by.

HEATHER MCNAMARA
Veronica. What are you doing tonight?

VERONICA
Mourning. Maybe watch some T.V. Why?

HEATHER MCNAMARA
Ram asked me out, but he wants to
double with Kurt and Kurt doesn't
have a date.

VERONICA
HeaTHER, I've got something
going with J.D.

HEATHER MCNAMARA
Please Veronica. Put Billy the Kid on
hold tonight, I'll never forget it.

60 EXT. CHURCH PARKING LOT -- DAY 60

KURT KELLY and RAM stand by RAM'S van.

KURT
We on tonight, man?

RAM
I still got to talk to Heather,
dude. Weird funeral, huh?

KURT
Pretty weird.

Geeks RODNEY and BRACES thrust by KURT and RAM. BRACES
obliviously steps on KURT's foot.

KURT
That pudwapper just stepped on my foot.

RAM
Let's kick his ass.

KURT
Cool off, we're seniors.

RAM
Goddamn Geek!

BRACES gives them "the finger".

BRACES
(awkwardly defiant)
Sit and spin.
KURT and RAM turn to each other more amused than angered.

KURT
That little prick.

The bolting Jocks effortlessly catch BRACES and put him into a
hunched-over position. The other Geeks look on, ashamed.

KURT
All right you piece of shit fag,
do you like to suck big dicks?

BRACES
Cut it out!

RAM pushes BRACES down harder.

KURT
Say it man. Say I like to suck big dicks.

RODNEY
Leave him alone, Kurt.

J.D. rides by on his motorcycle. He turns to watch KURT,
wearing an overwhelmingly tinted motorcycle helmet that reads
THE TRUE KILLER across the top. KURT is spooked.

RAM (O.S.)
Say it!

BRACES
Okay, okay, you like to suck big dicks.

Unamused, RAM throws BRACES to the ground. BRACES semi-cries.

BRACES
I like to suck big dicks. Mm-mm!
I can't get enough of them. Satisfied?

KURT
I'm sure your friends are happy
to hear that.
(with a lisp)
Right, GUYS?

ANOTHER PLACE IN THE PARKING LOT

VERONICA and HEATHER MCNAMARA sashay through the parking lot.

HEATHER MCNAMARA
Don't worry, Ram's been so sweet
lately, consoling me and stuff.
It'll be really very. Promise.

Moving into the background, BRACES wipes dirt and blood off
his face as his friends glumly watch on.
VERONICA
All RIGHT, but I hope it isn't
going to be one of those nights where
they get shitfaced and take us to a
pasture to tip cows.
Genres: ["Comedy","Drama"]

Summary Veronica and J.D. attend Heather Chandler's funeral and interact with their parents. They discuss the aftermath of Heather's suicide and prepare for the funeral. The scene showcases the dark humor and cynicism of the characters.
Strengths "The scene effectively combines dark humor, cynicism, and satire to explore the aftermath of a suicide and the characters' reactions. The dialogue is sharp and showcases the characters' personalities."
Weaknesses "The scene could benefit from a stronger sense of conflict and higher stakes to increase tension."

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene effectively combines dark humor, cynicism, and satire to create a compelling and thought-provoking moment in the story.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring the aftermath of a suicide and the characters' reactions is intriguing and adds depth to the story.

Plot: 8

The plot progresses as the characters navigate the aftermath of Heather's suicide and prepare for her funeral.

Originality: 0


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters' dark humor and cynicism are well-developed and add depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 7

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, it deepens our understanding of the characters' personalities and their reactions to Heather's suicide.

Internal Goal: 0

External Goal: 0


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

There is a moderate level of conflict as the characters navigate their emotions and the aftermath of Heather's suicide.

Opposition: 0

High Stakes: 6

The stakes are relatively low in this scene, focusing more on character development and reflection.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by exploring the aftermath of Heather's suicide and setting up the funeral.

Unpredictability: 0

Philosophical Conflict: 0


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes a mix of emotions, including dark humor, cynicism, and reflection.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue effectively showcases the characters' dark humor and cynicism, adding depth and humor to the scene.

Engagement: 0

Pacing: 0


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 0

Structure: 0


Critique
  • The scene starts off with Father Ripper's speech, which sets the tone for the somber and satirical atmosphere of the funeral. However, the transition from the church lobby to the kneeling podium before the coffin feels abrupt and disjointed. It would be helpful to have a smoother transition to maintain the flow of the scene.
  • The prayers of the various characters provide insight into their thoughts and feelings about Heather Chandler's death. However, some of the prayers come across as insensitive and disrespectful, which may not align with the intended darkly comedic tone. It would be beneficial to revise these prayers to strike a better balance between satire and sensitivity.
  • The interaction between Veronica and Heather McNamara in the church lobby feels rushed and lacks depth. It would be beneficial to explore their emotions and reactions to Heather Chandler's death in more detail to add depth to their characters and enhance the emotional impact of the scene.
  • The confrontation between Kurt, Ram, and Braces in the parking lot feels forced and lacks nuance. The dialogue and actions of the characters come across as stereotypical and cliché. It would be helpful to develop these characters more fully and add complexity to their interactions.
  • The scene ends with Veronica and Heather McNamara walking away from the church, but it is unclear where they are going or what their intentions are. It would be beneficial to provide more clarity and closure to this scene.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a transitional moment between the church lobby and the kneeling podium to create a smoother flow.
  • Revise the prayers of the characters to maintain the darkly comedic tone while being more sensitive and respectful.
  • Expand on the interaction between Veronica and Heather McNamara in the church lobby to delve deeper into their emotions and reactions.
  • Develop the confrontation between Kurt, Ram, and Braces to avoid stereotypical and cliché dialogue and actions.
  • Provide more clarity and closure to the scene by indicating where Veronica and Heather McNamara are going and what their intentions are.



Scene 14 - Cow Tipping and Funeral Preparations
61 EXT. COW PASTURE -- NIGHT 61
A61 A61
A COW stands sleeping. Giggling and drunk, KURT and RAM
scramble around the COW. Uncomfortable and sober, VERONICA and
HEATHER MCNAMARA look on.

KURT
Is it sleeping, dude?

RAM
I think so, man.

KURT
Then get over on my side. Oh shit,
cowtipping is the fucking greatest.

RAM
Punch it in!

KURT and RAM slam their knuckles and then lean against the
COW, poised to shove. HEATHER MCNAMARA manages a smile but
VERONICA glares it away.

KURT
Count of three, guy.

KURT AND RAM
One. Two. Three!

An O.S. Moo and the Jocks' laughter is heard as mud splashes
against the mortified faces of VERONICA and HEATHER MCNAMARA.

B61 DEEPER IN THE PASTURE -- LATER IN THE NIGHT B61

KURT stumbles after a more annoyed than scared VERONICA.

KURT
"When I get that feeling, I need
sexual healing....."

VERONICA
Yeah, right, asshole.

VERONICA makes her way up a hill, pausing to compassionately
stare at RAM on top of a dispirited HEATHER MCNAMARA. KURT's
intoxicated brain has trouble dealing with the incline.
Majestically, J.D. appears at the top of the hill. KURT
squints up the hill and falls over backwards.

J.D.
What is this shit?
VERONICA
I'm doing a favor for Heather. A double date. I
tried to tell you at the funeral but you rode off.

KURT
(still face down)
"Feel like making bah da dah bah da
dah, feel like making love."

J.D.
Another fucking Heather.
(harshly laughs)
I'm sorry. I'm feeling kind of superior
tonight. Seven high schools in seven
states and the only thing different
was my locker combination. We've broke
through the peer pressure cooker. So
what if we had to kill Miss Popularity..

VERONICA clumsily high heels it up the hill.

VERONICA
So what? Don't smile like that, Jesus!

J.D.
Our love is God. Let's get a Slurpee.

J.D. solemnly reaches toward VERONICA. She, less solemn,
takes his hand. Their bodies disappear over the hill.

KURT
"And she's buying the stairway to heaven.."

62 INT. NEWSPAPER/YEARBOOK WORKSHOP -- DAY 62

In a cluttered school workshop, Editor DENNIS and YEARBOOK GIRL
ALISON confer over a layout sheet. Alison wears a walkman and
BIG FUN T-shirt. PETER DAWSON pouts behind them.

DENNIS
I'm not belittling the Foodless Fund,
Peter, but we're talking teen suicide!
Ask Alison here, the number one song
right now is "Teenage Suicide (Don't Do
It)" by BigFun. Jesus man, Westerburg
finally got one of these things and I'm
not going to blow it.

PETER
Great. Heather gets the headline and I
get crammed in by the Taco Bell coupon.

VERONICA breezes in.

VERONICA
Hi Guys. I came to check on this
week's lunchtime poll topic.
DENNIS
Don't worry about it, Veronica,
sit down. That funeral yesterday
must have been really rough.

VERONICA
Oh. Sure.

DENNIS
We were, uh, wondering if maybe you
had some poems or artwork that
Heather did that we could put in
the Heather Chandler yearbook spread?

VERONICA
The what?

DENNIS
Take a look. We'll have a two page
layout with her suicide note up
here in the right hand corner. It's
more tasteful than it sounds.

Country Club COURTNEY and COURTNEY'S FRIEND come in giggling
and whispering. Seeing VERONICA, they stop dead, then slide
into chairs, laughing softly.

VERONICA
I don't know. This thing leaves a
bad taste in my mouth.

COURTNEY
Like last night, Veronica?

COURTNEY and COURTNEY'S FRIEND explode in laughter.

VERONICA
I'm sorry? I don't get it.

COURTNEY
You did last night. Kurt told us of
your little date.

VERONICA
Yeah. And? I left him drunk and
flailing in cowshit.

COURTNEY
I don't know. He was really detailed.

PETER
Shut up, Courtney.

VERONICA
Don't shut up. I'd like to know just
what I did.
PETER
(gesturing to the door)
Let me show you that lunchtime
poll topic, Veronica.

63 INT. HALLWAY OUTSIDE WORKSHOP -- DAY 63

PETER tells VERONICA.

PETER
I RARELY listen to Neanderthals like
Kurt Kelly bu-ut he said you were
bent over like a coffee table with
Kurt going in one end and Ram coming
in the other. Pardon the pun.

VERONICA
(dazed)
Pardon the pun. Son-of-a-BITCH.

Dizzy, VERONICA hands a clump of dollar bills to PETER.

VERONICA
Thanks Pete, for the Foodless Fund.

PETER cheerfully pockets the cash as VERONICA drifts off.

64 INT. VERONICA'S BEDROOM -- NIGHT 64

VERONICA arousingly speaks into her phone.

VERONICA
Hi, Kurt? This is Veronica Sawyer. I
didn't expect to be calling either. I
guess my emotions took over. I was
wondering if you wanted all those
things you've been saying to really
happen. It's always been a fantasy of
mine to have two guys at once......
Sure, you can write Penthouse Forum.

Revealed to be lounging on her bed, J.D. laughs out loud.
VERONICA throws a book at him.

VERONICA
That's right. In the woods behind the
school. At Dawn. And don't forget Ram.

65 INT. THE KELLY KITCHEN -- NIGHT 65

KURT hangs up with an amazed expression on his face.

KURT
Women.
Genres: ["Dark Comedy","Teen Drama"]

Summary Veronica and J.D. engage in dark humor and cynicism as they attend Heather Chandler's funeral and interact with their parents. They discuss the aftermath of Heather's suicide and prepare for the funeral.
Strengths "The scene effectively captures the dark humor and cynicism of the characters, providing insight into their perspectives."
Weaknesses "The scene lacks a strong emotional impact and minimal character change."

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively captures the dark and cynical tone of the story, providing humor and insight into the characters' perspectives.


Story Content

Concept: 7

The concept of exploring the aftermath of a suicide and the characters' reactions is intriguing and adds depth to the story.

Plot: 7

The plot progresses as Veronica and J.D. attend the funeral and discuss the aftermath of Heather's suicide.

Originality: 0


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters' dark humor and cynicism are well-developed and add depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 4

There is minimal character change in this scene, as it primarily focuses on the characters' existing attitudes and behaviors.

Internal Goal: 0

External Goal: 0


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

There is some conflict between Veronica and J.D. as they discuss the aftermath of Heather's suicide, but it is not the central focus of the scene.

Opposition: 0

High Stakes: 5

The stakes are not particularly high in this scene, as it focuses more on character development and dark humor.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by showing the aftermath of Heather's suicide and the characters' reactions.

Unpredictability: 0

Philosophical Conflict: 0


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 5

The scene lacks a strong emotional impact, focusing more on dark humor and cynicism.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue effectively conveys the dark humor and cynicism of the characters, providing insight into their perspectives.

Engagement: 0

Pacing: 0


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 0

Structure: 0


Critique
  • The scene starts off with Kurt and Ram drunkenly cow tipping, which sets a tone of immaturity and recklessness. However, the presence of Veronica and Heather McNamara watching uncomfortably adds a layer of tension and discomfort to the scene.
  • The dialogue between Kurt and Ram during the cow tipping is somewhat repetitive and lacks depth. It could benefit from more meaningful and insightful exchanges that reveal their characters and motivations.
  • Veronica's glare at Kurt and Ram's actions shows her disapproval and sets up her confrontation with Kurt later in the scene. However, the transition to the next part of the scene feels abrupt and could be smoother.
  • Veronica's confrontation with Kurt about the rumors he spread about her is a pivotal moment in the scene. It showcases her assertiveness and willingness to stand up for herself. However, the dialogue between them could be more intense and emotionally charged to heighten the tension.
  • The introduction of J.D. in the scene adds an intriguing dynamic and foreshadows his future involvement with Veronica. However, his appearance and interaction with Kurt could be more impactful and memorable.
  • The conversation between Veronica and J.D. about their love being 'God' and getting a Slurpee feels somewhat out of place and disconnected from the rest of the scene. It could be reworked to better align with the darkly comedic tone and themes of the screenplay.
  • The transition to the next scene in the newspaper/yearbook workshop is abrupt and could benefit from a smoother transition or a clearer indication of the change in location and time.
  • The dialogue between Dennis, Alison, and Peter in the workshop provides some context and sets up the yearbook spread about Heather Chandler's suicide. However, the conversation lacks depth and could be more engaging and insightful.
  • The introduction of Courtney and her friend mocking Veronica adds a layer of tension and conflict to the scene. However, their dialogue could be sharper and more cutting to enhance the impact of their mockery.
  • Veronica's reaction to Courtney's mocking feels somewhat passive and could be more assertive and confrontational. It would add more depth to her character and make the scene more impactful.
  • The revelation of the rumors spread by Kurt and Peter's confirmation of them adds a twist to the scene and raises the stakes for Veronica. However, the dialogue between them could be more intense and emotionally charged to heighten the tension.
  • Veronica's decision to agree to a sexual encounter with Kurt and Ram is a significant turning point in the scene. However, the dialogue leading up to it could be more intense and emotionally charged to reflect the gravity of the decision.
  • The transition to the next scene in Veronica's bedroom is abrupt and could benefit from a smoother transition or a clearer indication of the change in location and time.
  • Veronica's phone conversation with Kurt is meant to be seductive and provocative. However, the dialogue feels somewhat forced and could be more natural and authentic.
  • The reveal of J.D. listening to Veronica's conversation adds an element of surprise and intrigue. However, his laughter and Veronica's reaction could be more impactful and memorable.
  • The scene ends with Veronica throwing a book at J.D., which adds a touch of humor and shows her frustration. However, the moment could be more comedic and memorable.
  • Overall, the scene has moments of tension, humor, and character development. However, it could benefit from more depth in the dialogue, smoother transitions between scenes, and more impactful and memorable moments.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more meaningful and insightful dialogue between Kurt and Ram during the cow tipping scene to reveal their characters and motivations.
  • Smooth out the transitions between scenes to create a more cohesive flow.
  • Intensify the confrontation between Veronica and Kurt to heighten the tension and emotional impact.
  • Make J.D.'s introduction and interaction with Kurt more impactful and memorable.
  • Reevaluate the dialogue between Veronica and J.D. to better align with the darkly comedic tone and themes of the screenplay.
  • Enhance the depth and engagement of the conversation in the newspaper/yearbook workshop to provide more context and insight.
  • Sharpen the dialogue between Courtney and her friend to make their mockery more cutting and impactful.
  • Make Veronica's reaction to Courtney's mocking more assertive and confrontational to add depth to her character.
  • Intensify the dialogue between Kurt, Peter, and Veronica to heighten the tension and emotional stakes.
  • Make the dialogue leading up to Veronica's decision to agree to a sexual encounter with Kurt and Ram more intense and emotionally charged.
  • Smooth out the transitions between scenes to create a more cohesive flow.
  • Refine the seductive and provocative dialogue in Veronica's phone conversation with Kurt to make it more natural and authentic.
  • Make the reveal of J.D. listening to Veronica's conversation and their subsequent interaction more impactful and memorable.
  • Add more comedic and memorable moments to the scene, such as the book-throwing moment at the end.



Scene 15 - Preparing for the Funeral
66 INT. VERONICA'S BEDROOM -- NIGHT 66

VERONICA and J.D. load guns on VERONICA's bed. VERONICA breaks
into a laugh.
VERONICA
I don't get the point of me writing
a suicide note when we'll just be
shooting them with blanks.

J.D.
Get crucial. We won't be using
blanks this time.

VERONICA
You can't be serious? Hey listen,
my Bonnie-and-Clyde days are over.

VERONICA drops her gun in revulsion and launches off her bed.
With a patient smile, J.D. pulls her back down.

J.D.
Do you take German?

VERONICA
French.

J.D. flicks open his gun and pulls a bullet from the chamber.

J.D.
These are Ich Luge bullets. My
grandfather snared a shitload of
them in W.W. Two. They're like
tranquilizers only they break the
surface of the skin, enough to
cause blood, but not any real harm.

VERONICA
So it looks like the person's been
shot and killed when they're really
just unconscious and bleeding.

J.D. nods then stands to pace the room, his mind whirring.

J.D.
We shoot Kurt and Ram. Make it look
like they shot each other. By the time
Kurt and Ram regain consciousness,
they'll be the laughingstock's of the
school. The note's the punchline.
How'd it turn out?

VERONICA clumsily extracts the note from her purse. She also
plucks out the crumpled yellow sample of Kurt's handwriting of
the opening note-forge scene. She proudly displays both
papers.

VERONICA
First tell me this similarity is
not incredible.

J.D.
(warmly)
Incredible similarity.
VERONICA pulls back the note and reads.

VERONICA
Ram and I died the day we realized
we could never reveal our forbidden
love to an uncaring and ununderstanding
world. The joy we shared in each other's
arms was greater than any touchdown. Yet
we were forced to live the lie of Sexist-
Beer Guzzling-Jock-Asshole.

J.D.
Exquisite, but I don't think
ununderstanding is a word.

VERONICA
We don't want to make them out to be
too secretly eloquent. Why would the
Germans invent a bullet that doesn't
kill people? I mean it WAS World War
Two, not a school play.

J.D.
(rapid-fire)
They used them on themselves to
make it look like they were dead.
Really quite a brilliant device, but
too flamboyant to seriously produce.

VERONICA
Neat. Let's try it out on J.F.K.

VERONICA swiftly picks up her gun and aims it at the lovable
tabby entering the room. J.D. rips it away from her.

J.D.
It doesn't work on small animals!

VERONICA
Oh.

J.D.
Uh well hey, let's take a look at the
homosexual artifacts I dug up to plant
at the scene. Now prepare to be a
little disappointed.

J.D. lifts up a feminine shopping bag and gently dumps the
contents on the bed.

J.D.
We've got an issue of Stud Puppy, a
candy dish, a Joan Crawford post card,
and some mascara.

VERONICA
You must have had fun.
J.D.
You know it. Oh man, I almost forgot.
The one perfecto thing I picked up...

J.D. reaches in both his coat pockets and triumphantly raises
out two bottles of Perrier water.

J.D.
Perrier water!

VERONICA
Oh come ON. Lots of people drink
Perrier. It's come a long way.

J.D.
This is Ohio. If you don't have a
brewsky in your hand you might as
well be wearing a dress.

VERONICA
(mock-seductively)
Oh, you're so smart. How about a
little heterosexuality before we go?

J.D. laughs then climbs onto VERONICA for a hugging kiss.

67 EXT. SCHOOL PARKING LOT -- DAWN 67

A tense KURT and an excited RAM, playing air guitar, walk
through the misty parking lot toward the woods.

RAM
(singing)
Sex and Drugs and HBO is all I ever
need! Whoa! Can you hear me! Hello
Tokyo! I said Sex and Drugs and...

KURT
Shut the fuck up, all right.

RAM
Lighten up, dude. In those woods is
some of the finest pussy in the school
and we don't even have to buy it a
hamburger and a Diet Coke. What a way
to start the day! Punch it in!

KURT feebly slams knuckles with RAM.
Genres: ["Dark Comedy","Teen Drama"]

Summary Veronica and J.D. discuss their plan to fake the deaths of Kurt and Ram, making them the laughingstock of the school. They prepare the necessary props and weapons, showcasing their dark humor and cynicism.
Strengths
  • Sharp and witty dialogue
  • Engaging dark humor
  • Well-developed characters
Weaknesses
  • Limited emotional depth

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively combines dark humor and cynicism, creating an engaging and entertaining atmosphere. The dialogue is witty and the characters' interactions are intriguing.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of faking deaths to humiliate the bullies is unique and adds an interesting twist to the story. It keeps the audience engaged and curious about the outcome.

Plot: 7

The plot progresses as Veronica and J.D. discuss and plan their revenge on Kurt and Ram. It sets up the next major event in the story, the fake deaths.

Originality: 0


Character Development

Characters: 9

Veronica and J.D. are well-developed characters with distinct personalities. Their dark humor and cynicism make them intriguing and memorable.

Character Changes: 5

There is minimal character change in this scene. Veronica and J.D. remain committed to their plan and their personalities are consistent.

Internal Goal: 0

External Goal: 0


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

There is a conflict between Veronica and J.D.'s desire for revenge and the potential consequences of their actions. It creates tension and suspense.

Opposition: 0

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are relatively high as Veronica and J.D. plan to fake the deaths of two bullies. There is a risk of their plan backfiring and facing severe consequences.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by setting up the next major event, the fake deaths of Kurt and Ram. It keeps the audience engaged and curious about the outcome.

Unpredictability: 0

Philosophical Conflict: 0


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

The scene is more focused on humor and cynicism rather than emotional depth. However, there is a sense of anticipation and excitement.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is sharp, witty, and showcases the characters' personalities. It adds depth to the scene and keeps the audience engaged.

Engagement: 0

Pacing: 0


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 0

Structure: 0


Critique
  • The scene lacks a clear conflict or tension, which can make it feel stagnant and unengaging for the audience.
  • The dialogue between Veronica and J.D. feels a bit forced and unnatural, particularly in their discussion about the Ich Luge bullets and the homosexual artifacts.
  • The humor in the scene is dark and edgy, but it could benefit from more subtlety and wit to make it truly comedic.
  • The visual elements in the scene are limited to the characters loading guns on Veronica's bed, which doesn't add much visual interest or depth to the scene.
  • The transition between Veronica and J.D. discussing the suicide plan and Veronica jokingly suggesting trying the bullets on J.F.K. feels abrupt and disjointed.
  • The introduction of the homosexual artifacts feels out of place and forced, as if it's trying too hard to be provocative without a clear purpose or relevance to the story.
  • The dialogue could be tightened and made more concise to improve the pacing and flow of the scene.
Suggestions
  • Introduce a clear conflict or tension in the scene to keep the audience engaged. This could be a disagreement between Veronica and J.D. about the plan or a moment of doubt or hesitation from Veronica.
  • Work on making the dialogue between Veronica and J.D. more natural and organic. Consider how real people would speak in these situations and strive for authenticity.
  • Refine the humor in the scene to make it more subtle and witty. Look for opportunities to add clever wordplay or ironic observations that enhance the comedic tone.
  • Explore ways to incorporate more visual elements into the scene to add depth and interest. This could include using props or staging the characters in a visually engaging way.
  • Smooth out the transition between different topics of conversation to create a more seamless flow. Consider how the characters' thoughts and emotions naturally progress from one topic to the next.
  • Reevaluate the inclusion of the homosexual artifacts and ensure they serve a clear purpose in the story. If they don't contribute to the overall narrative or character development, consider removing them.
  • Edit and revise the dialogue to make it more concise and impactful. Cut out any unnecessary or repetitive lines to improve the pacing and keep the audience engaged.



Scene 16 - The Funeral
68 EXT. CLEARING IN THE WOODS -- DAWN 68

VEONICA stands in the middle of a clearing in the woods. She
nervously tucks the gun in the back of her dress as KURT and
RAM emerge into the clearing from a path in the woods.

KURT
Hi Veronica.
VERONICA
(forced cheerfulness)
Hi Guys. Glad you could make it.

RAM smacks his hands together.

RAM
So do we just start fucking?

VERONICA
I've made a circle on each end of
the clearing. Ram, you come over here.

KURT steps into the scratched-in-the-dirt circle next to him.
A confused RAM walks past VERONICA and steps into a circle at
the opposite end of the foggy clearing.

VERONICA


The guys pause, then slowly start taking off their clothes.

RAM
What about you?

VERONICA
I was hoping you'd rip my clothes
off me, sport.

RAM
Oh. Good idea.

KURT and RAM awkwardly stand at opposite ends in their undies.

VERONICA
Count of three, guys.

RAM giggles in anticipation.

VERONICA
One.

KURT finally cracks a smile.

VERONICA
Two.

J.D. suddenly moves next to VERONICA holding a gun in his
right hand and the feminine shopping bag in his left.

J.D.
Three.

J.D. almost non-chalantly shoots RAM in the forehead. VERONICA
rips out her gun and swings it toward KURT. Using both hands,
she fires, but misses completely. KURT runs away onto the
path. VERONICA throws down her gun with a smile.
VERONICA
Shucks.

J.D. races to VERONICA in a white sweat.

J.D.
Did you miss him completely?

VERONICA
(giggling)
Yeah, but don't worry, it was worth
it just to see the look on....

J.D.
Don't move! I'll get him back!

VERONICA's laughter cuts off like a faucet. Suddenly trembling
and confused, she watches J.D. bolt into the woods.

THE PATH

A panicked KURT runs on the path through the woods.

OFF THE PATH

J.D., with a cold efficiency, weaves through trees and fog.

THE CLEARING

VERONICA turns toward Ram's collapsed body.

THE PATH

KURT sees the opening at the end of the woods. J.D. suddenly
moves into the opening and raises his gun. KURT runs back...

THE CLEARING

VERONICA approaches Ram's body with increasing shivers. He
does not look bleeding and unconscious. He looks bleeding and
dead, dead, dead.

KURT barrels into the clearing as J.D. howls from the woods.

J.D.
Now!

In a burst of frightened, animal instinct, VERONICA whips
around and fires her gun right into KURT's chest.

69 INT. SQUAD CAR IN SCHOOL PARKING LOT -- DAWN 69

Two cops, MILNER and McCORD, smoke marijuana in a squad car
already filled with smoke. After a coughing fit, MILNER
shouts.

MILNER
I heard it that time!
McCORD
Wha?

MILNER
Another gunshot! From the woods!

McCORD
Shit, let's roll.

The two officer explode out of the car.

70 EXT. THE CLEARING -- DAWN 70

J.D. puts his gun in RAM's right hand while VERONICA
zombiesquely does the same with KURT and her gun.

VERONICA
Kurt doesn't look too good.

J.D.
Remember he's left-handed.

A quivering VERONICA puts the gun in KURT's left hand.

MILNER (O.S.)
Keep going until you hit the clearing!

J.D.'s head snaps forward. He yanks up VERONICA. They both run
into the woods behind RAM's body as the two Cops charge into the
clearing, guns raised. Seeing the Jocks, they stop.

McCORD
Mother of Shit!

MILNER
Call in!

MILNER looks toward where VERONICA and J.D. ran out.

MILNER
I heard something out there. I'm
checking it out.

MILNER runs off as McCORD shouts into a walkie-talkie. He is
holding the pulse of KURT KELLY.

McCORD
This is Officer McCord and I've got
two dead bodies in the woods behind
Westerburg High. Oh my God, one of
them's Kurt Kelly, the quarterback.

71 EXT. IN THE WOODS -- DAWN 71

VERONICA and J.D. flow through thick trees. An Owl hoos.

72 EXT. ANOTHER PART OF THE WOODS -- DAWN 72

MILNER blindly barrels through the dense, foggy woods.
73 EXT. JUST OUTSIDE THE WOODS -- DAWN 73

VERONICA and J.D. come out of the woods and race up a dew
drenched hill toward VERONICA's car which is parked on top.

J.D.
Faster!

74 EXT. IN THE WOODS -- DAWN 74

MILNER is jolted by an OWL-HOO, then continues moving.

75 EXT. THE HILL -- DAWN 75

VERONICA and J.D. reach the car, panting.

MILNER races out of the woods just as VERONICA and J.D. slam
the car doors closed behind them. MILNER huffs up the hill.

76 INT. THE SAWYER CAR -- DAWN 76

VERONICA and J.D. somersault into the backseat and begin
taking off their clothes.

77 EXT. THE HILL -- DAWN 77

MILNER continues to move up the hill.

78 INT. THE SAWYER CAR -- DAWN 78

VERONICA and J.D., stripped down to their underwear, embrace.

79 EXT. OUTSIDE THE CAR -- DAWN 79

MILNER approaches the car and peers in. His crackling walkie-
talkie startles him.

McCORD (O.S./walkie-talkie)
Milner, can you hear me? What's going down?

MILNER moves away from the car, then speaks into his walkie-
talkie.

MILNER
Think what I heard was just a
stinking owl. All I got is two kids
making out in the backseat of a
car. Should I pry them apart?

McCORD (O.S./walkie-talkie)
Forget it. I got all the answers
back here, partner. Boy, kids today
sure start in early. Hey, are they naked?

MILNER sighs, and clicks off his walkie-talkie.
80 INT. THE SAWYER CAR -- DAWN 80

Seeing the cop move away. VERONICA and J.D. stop kissing. They
catch their breath, smile, then continue passionately necking.
Genres: ["Dark Comedy","Drama"]

Summary Veronica and J.D. attend Heather Chandler's funeral and carry out their plan to fake the deaths of Kurt and Ram. They engage in dark humor and cynicism as they interact with their parents and discuss the aftermath of Heather's suicide. The scene ends with Veronica accidentally shooting Kurt, resulting in his death.
Strengths
  • Effective dark humor and cynicism
  • Surprising twist with Kurt's death
  • Engaging dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue may be too dark or offensive for some viewers

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively combines dark humor and cynicism with a surprising twist, keeping the audience engaged and entertained.


Story Content

Concept: 7

The concept of faking deaths and the dark humor surrounding it is intriguing and unique.

Plot: 9

The plot progresses significantly with the execution of the plan and Kurt's unexpected death.

Originality: 0


Character Development

Characters: 8

Veronica and J.D. showcase their dark humor and cynicism, staying true to their established personalities.

Character Changes: 6

Veronica experiences a shift in her emotions from laughter to shock and confusion after Kurt's death.

Internal Goal: 0

External Goal: 0


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between the characters and the high stakes of their plan create tension throughout the scene.

Opposition: 0

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high as Veronica and J.D. risk their lives and reputations to carry out their plan.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by executing the plan and resulting in Kurt's death.

Unpredictability: 0

Philosophical Conflict: 0


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes a mix of emotions, including dark humor, cynicism, and shock at Kurt's death.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue effectively conveys the dark humor and cynicism of the characters.

Engagement: 0

Pacing: 0


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 0

Structure: 0


Critique
  • The scene lacks clear and concise descriptions of the characters' actions and emotions, making it difficult for the reader to visualize and connect with the scene.
  • The dialogue feels forced and unnatural, particularly in the interaction between Veronica and Kurt and Ram.
  • The transition between the cow pasture and the school workshop and hallway is abrupt and confusing, making it hard to follow the sequence of events.
  • The conflicts between Veronica and Kurt, as well as Veronica and the yearbook staff, are not fully explored or resolved in this scene, leaving the audience with unresolved tension.
  • The emotional tone of the scene is inconsistent, with moments of tension, discomfort, and humor that don't blend seamlessly.
  • The significant visual element of cow tipping is not effectively utilized to enhance the scene.
  • The scene lacks a clear and impactful ending, leaving the audience without a strong sense of closure or anticipation for the next scene.
Suggestions
  • Provide more specific and vivid descriptions of the characters' actions, emotions, and surroundings to enhance the visual experience for the reader.
  • Revise the dialogue to make it more natural and reflective of the characters' personalities and motivations.
  • Improve the transition between the cow pasture and the school workshop and hallway by clearly indicating the change in location and time.
  • Further develop and resolve the conflicts between Veronica and Kurt, as well as Veronica and the yearbook staff, to create a more satisfying narrative arc.
  • Refine the emotional tone of the scene to ensure a consistent and cohesive atmosphere throughout.
  • Utilize the visual element of cow tipping to add depth and meaning to the scene, perhaps by using it as a metaphor or symbol for the characters' actions and relationships.
  • Craft a stronger ending for the scene that leaves the audience with a sense of closure or anticipation for what's to come.



Scene 17 - Funeral and Faked Deaths
81 EXT. THE CLEARING -- DAWN 81

MILNER runs back into the clearing.

MILNER
What's the deal?

McCORD
Suicide. Double Suicide. They shot
each other.

MILNER
That's Kurt Kelly!

McCORD
Yeah, and the linebacker, Ram Sweeney.

MILNER
Oh my God, suicide? Why?

McCORD
Does this answer your question?

McCORD reaches in the feminine shopping bag and pulls out the
bottles of Perrier water.

MILNER
Oh man, they were FAGS!

McCORD
Listen up, "We could never reveal our
forbidden love to an uncaring and
ununderstanding world."

MILNER
Ah Jesus H. Fuck. Kurt was a Sherwood
Sunday Insert Honorable Mention...

MILNER shakes his head slowly then suddenly looks up.

MILNER
Wait a second. How did they shoot
each other if we heard two separate
sets of gunshots?

McCORD
I always hear gunshots when I'm high
before noon. Life's a crazy bitch.
Don't try to analyze it. The quarterback
buggering the linebacker. What a waste.

MILNER
Oh the humanity.
82 INT. SCHOOL CONFERENCE ROOM -- MORNING 82

Another morning mourning conference. The participants look a
little more frazzled. PAULINE sits at the head of the table.

COUNSELOR HYDE
(sotto voce to Mrs. Pope)
After every touchdown or whatever,
they give each other a little slap
on the bottom. It seems innocent...

PAULINE (O.S.)
Shut up.

The elderly MRS. POPE shakes her head at the suicide note.

MRS. POPE
Look at this. "Ununderstanding."

PAULINE
Will you shut up! We were in a
similar position Monday and I
thoughtfully suggested that we get
the students together for an
unadulterated emotional outpouring.
You took the suggestion as an
opportunity to play yet another round
of "Let's laugh at the Hippie."

COUNSELOR HYDE
Pauline, if you want a tryout
for the school play....

PRINCIPAL GOWAN hoarsely breaks in.

PRINCIPAL GOWAN
Shut up, Paul. I've seen a lot of
bullshit--angel dust, switchblades,
sexually perverse photography
exhibits involving tennis racquets,
but this suicide thing....I guess
it's all on Pauline's wavelength.
We're just going to write off today,
and Friday she can do her little
little love-in or whatever. Whatever.

83 EXT. STUDENT PARKING LOT -- MORNING 83

VERONICA's car is the lone vehicle in the student parking lot.
Slowly other cars begin to filter in, including a rumbling heap-
ful of Heavy Metalers.

84 INT. THE SAWYER CAR -- MORNING 84

The Heavy Metaler Heap's obnoxious muffler causes a sleeping
VERONICA's eyes to snap open in bug-eyed sweat. Mentally
wounded, she climbs into the front seat, pulling on her
blazer. She presses in the car cigarette lighter. J.D.
rumbles from the back as more cars begin to fill the lot.
VERONICA
We killed them, didn't we?

J.D.
Of course.

VERONICA tugs out the car lighter and savagely brands the palm
of her hand. J.D. hurdles into the front seat and bats the
lighter away. He lights a cigarette off the scorched flesh of
VERONICA's hand as she wails away.

VERONICA
Ich Luge bullets! I'm an idiot!

J.D. drags on his cigarette. School buses are pulling in
outside of the parking lot, in front of the school.

J.D.
You believed it because you wanted
to believe it. Your true feelings were
too gross and icky for you to face.

VERONICA
I did not want them DEAD.

J.D.
Did too.

VERONICA
Did not.

J.D.
Did too.

VERONICA
Did not.

J.D. launches into a rapid-fire rendition of "did-too's".
VERONICA responds by holding her hands over her ears and
singing "Mary had a Little Lamb." J.D.'s "Did-too's" get
louder causing VERONICA to bang on the horn.

85 EXT. PARKING LOT -- DAY 85

HEATHER DUKE and a vegged out HEATHER MCNAMARA stop sauntering
through the parking lot to contemplate Veronica's hiccuping
car and its sparring occupants.

HEATHER DUKE
Ah, young love.

COURTNEY bounds up to the Heathers.

SQUEELING GIRL #1
Did you hear? School's cancelled today
because Kurt and Ram killed themselves in
a repressed homosexual suicide pact.
HEATHER DUKE
(incredulous, but amused)
No way!

86 INT. THE SAWYER CAR -- DAY 86

J.D. pulls VERONICA off the horn and warmly places an unlit
cigarette in her mouth. As he speaks, VERONICA wearily takes
the cigarette from her mouth and puts it in her blazer pocket.

J.D.
Football season's over, Veronica. Kurt
and Ram had nothing to offer the school
but date-rapes and A.I.D.S. jokes.

VERONICA
(looking to her burnt hand)
Sure. Can we make an ice run
before the funeral?

STUDENTS head back to their cars and the Buses pull back out.

87 INT. CHURCH -- DAY 87

A typically John Waynesque Jock's Father-type, MR. KELLY,
stands over his son's open coffin. KURT wears a black football
helmet. FATHER RIPPER watches on with various ADULTS,
STUDENTS.

MR. KELLY
If there's any way you can hear me,
Kurt buddy, I don't care that you
really were some pansy. You're my
flesh-and-blood. You made me proud.
I love my homosexual son. My son's
gay and I love him!

In dark sunglasses, VERONICA wearily leans over to J.D.

VERONICA
Your son's dead and you love him.

J.D.
How do you think Mr. Kelly would
react to a son with a limp wrist
with a pulse?

They quietly laugh. VERONICA sees a LITTLE GIRL staring at
her. She is wearing Kurt's football jersey and her face is
soaked in tears. VERONICA's smile turns into a nauseated
grimace.

88 OMIT 88
Genres: ["Dark Comedy","Drama"]

Summary Veronica and J.D. attend Heather Chandler's funeral and carry out their plan to fake the deaths of Kurt and Ram. They engage in dark humor and cynicism as they interact with their parents and discuss the aftermath of Heather's suicide. The scene ends with Veronica accidentally shooting Kurt, resulting in his death.
Strengths
  • Sharp and witty dialogue
  • Effective combination of dark humor and serious themes
  • Surprising twist with the accidental shooting
Weaknesses
  • Some may find the dark humor and cynicism off-putting
  • The accidental shooting may be too shocking for some viewers

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively combines dark humor and cynicism with the serious topic of suicide. The accidental shooting adds a surprising twist and raises the stakes.


Story Content

Concept: 7

The concept of faking deaths to expose the hypocrisy and cruelty of the school is intriguing and adds depth to the story.

Plot: 8

The plot progresses as Veronica and J.D. carry out their plan and face unexpected consequences. The accidental shooting adds tension and raises the stakes.

Originality: 0


Character Development

Characters: 9

Veronica and J.D. are well-developed characters with distinct personalities. Their dark humor and cynicism add depth to their interactions.

Character Changes: 7

Veronica experiences a change in her perception of the consequences of her actions due to the accidental shooting.

Internal Goal: 0

External Goal: 0


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

There is conflict between the characters' dark humor and the seriousness of the situation. The accidental shooting raises the stakes and creates further conflict.

Opposition: 0

High Stakes: 8

The high stakes are established through the faked deaths and the accidental shooting, which have serious consequences for the characters.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by advancing the plan to expose the school's hypocrisy and raising the stakes with the accidental shooting.

Unpredictability: 0

Philosophical Conflict: 0


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from dark humor and cynicism to shock and sadness due to the accidental shooting.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is sharp, witty, and showcases the dark humor and cynicism of the characters. It effectively conveys their personalities and motivations.

Engagement: 0

Pacing: 0


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 0

Structure: 0


Critique
  • The scene lacks clear transitions between locations and time periods, making it confusing for the reader to follow.
  • The dialogue feels forced and unnatural, particularly in the conversation between Milner and McCord about the suicides.
  • The humor in the scene feels forced and out of place given the somber tone of the funeral.
  • The characters' reactions to the suicides are not explored in depth, leaving the emotional impact of the scene lacking.
  • The use of homophobic language and stereotypes in the dialogue is offensive and unnecessary.
  • The scene lacks significant visual elements or actions to engage the reader and enhance the storytelling.
Suggestions
  • Clearly establish the transitions between locations and time periods to avoid confusion.
  • Rewrite the dialogue to make it more natural and authentic, focusing on the characters' genuine reactions to the suicides.
  • Consider toning down the humor in this scene to maintain the somber tone of the funeral.
  • Explore the characters' emotional reactions to the suicides in more depth to create a stronger emotional impact.
  • Avoid using offensive language and stereotypes in the dialogue, as it can alienate and offend readers.
  • Introduce significant visual elements or actions to engage the reader and enhance the storytelling.



Scene 18 - The Funeral
89 INT. VERONICA'S BEDROOM FLOOR -- NIGHT 89

VERONICA lies next to a Vodka bottle, drinking out of a Dixie
cup. She turns off her blaring radio to speak on the phone.
D.J. (radio)
As you know, the Sherwood Teen Suicide
tote is up to three. Here's one for Kurt
and Ram, BigFun with Teenage Suicide,
Don't Do It....

VERONICA
Hello J.D.? No, it's okay, I just kind
of wanted to talk...Oh, a newsmagazine
show on Channel 16. Really? On the
suicides. No, sounds great. Bye.

VERONICA hangs up and looks to her battered diary lying against
the wall. She crawls to the diary and then reaches
up to her night table to pull down her monocle and a pen.
She sucks a cup of Vodka and begins writing.

VERONICA (V.O.)
Dear Diary, my teen angst bullshit
now has a body count.

Sitting up against her bed, VERONICA continues writing as
J.F.K. laps up Vodka from the Dixie cup.

VERONICA (V.O.)
The most popular people in the school
are dead. Everybody's sad, but it's a
good kind of sad. Suicide gave Heather
depth, Kurt a soul, Ram a brain. I
gave J.D. shit about the Ich Luge thing
but what really frightens me is that
I'm not frightened by what J.D.'ll do
next. It's God versus my boyfriend
and God's losing....

VERONICA drops her head back and closes her eyes, popping out
her monocle. She swoons down against the bed onto the
floor and curls into a fetal slumber.

90 INT. THE CAFETERIA -- DAY 90

STUDENTS eat and buzz together in typical cacophony. All are
wearing black armbands. A jukebox roars.

PAULINE FLEMING and an entourage of STUDENTS such as PETER
DAWSON and the HEATHERS invade the cafeteria, heads raised high.

PAULINE
Peter, kill the jukebox.

As the music amusingly grinds to a halt, PAULINE hoists up
a bullhorn to her lips and crackles...

PAULINE
Could I have your attention?

A startled Geek RODNEY splatters milk all over himself.

STUDENTS whip their heads around to the front of the cafeteria.
MARTHA DUNNSTOCK/DUMPTRUCK warily looks up from her plate.

PAULINE FLEMING chants with soaring self-importance.

PAULINE
Our school has been torn apart by
tragedy. I'm here today to fuse it
back together through Togetherness.
I want everyone to clasp hands.
We need to connect this cafeteria
into one mighty circuit.

A tableau of dumbfounded STUDENTS stare at the Bullhorn Woman.

91 INT. HALLWAY OUTSIDE OF CAFETERIA -- SAME TIME -- DAY 91

Hungover in dark sunglasses, VERONICA bustles toward the
cafeteria entrance clinging to an armful of books while trying
to tie a black armband onto herself.

92 INT. THE CAFETERIA -- DAY 92

PAULINE's Evita Peron-like composure is crumbling.

PAULINE
Yo, what's the problem? I know you
know how to hold hands. Ring-around-
the-rosy-a-pocketful-of-posy...Forget it!
(looking to her watch then Peter)
Where are they?

Her back to the viewer, VERONICA enters the cafeteria. HEATHER
DUKE floats into view and tightly knots VERONICA's armband.

VERONICA
I see Ms. Phlegm's on another crusade.
With usual success.

HEATHER DUKE
(looking to the viewer)
I have a feeling this one'll work.

VERONICA turns to the viewer and half-gasps.

TWO 2-person video CAMERA CREWS and a STILL PHOTOGRAPHER burst
into the cafeteria slightly battering the in-the-way VERONICA.

PAULINE smiles in relief. She wields around, lifting the horn.

PAULINE
The cameras are here! Lock your paws!

Slightly confused but Awesomed, a table of Country Club Kids
including COURTNEY stand and latch out to each other. A nearby
table with BETTY FINN and friends follow suit.

VERONICA looks on with a growing sense of queasiness.

The Cafeteria swirls into a frenzy with members of more
excitable cliques like the Jocks and the Heavy Metalers
jumping over and onto tables anxiously bumbling into hand-
holding constellations. CAMERA CREWS weave beside them.
In a corner, the PHOTOGRAPHER snaps a shot of a thumbs-up
PETER DAWSON with his arms around FEMALE STONER IN ARMY JACKET.

PAULINE runs ahead of a hustling CAMERA CREW and grabs hold of
a chain of hand-holding Jocks. She pulls the chain until it
connects up with a grateful chain of BETTY FINNS.

A sleeping HEATHER MCNAMARA drearily awakens to the havoc around
her. She takes off her black armband, ties it around her
eyes, and droops her head back down on a table.

VERONICA lets her books slide from her hands, shaking her head.

MARTHA DUNNSTOCK nervously looks to her out-of-control peers.

HEATHER DUKE slyly looks to VERONICA with an "If you can't
beat em..." smile then saunters into the fray. She slides onto
the lap of Heavy Metaler Matt. The PHOTOGRAPHER snaps a shot.

PAULINE forces apart the handholding Heavy Metal lovers JACKIE
and STEVE, sandwiches DENNIS in between them, and madly departs.

The PHOTOGRAPHER now shoots a pic of a thumbs-up PETER DAWSON
with his arms around an ALL OUT NERD.

VERONICA stands before the chaos, back to the viewer, in much
the same way Heather Chandler did in the opening scene.

PAULINE and the Geek Squad look to MARTHA DUNNSTOCK/DUMPTRUCK.

RODNEY
I may be a geek, but I have my pride.

PAULINE
Gotcha...Could I get some Stoners
over here please!

Frightened and flustered, MARTHA DUNNSTOCK/DUMPTRUCK quakes
for a moment then crawls underneath her table.

A last panoramic view of the hustling CAMERA CREWS amid the
panderingly anarchic STUDENTS unfolds.

VERONICA suddenly finds herself flanked by J.D. The exiting
CAMERA CREWS flow past them.

J.D.
Was it as good for you as it was for me?

A dumbfounded VERONICA watches PAULINE and PETER approach.

PETER
I'm gonna need a VHS copy of all this by
Monday for my Princeton application.
PAULINE
(looking to Veronica)
Veronica, there you are! Wasn't it Fab?
I've put peer pressure out to pasture!

VERONICA
Oh come on, Pauline. What happens
tomorrow, when the cameras aren't here?

As they argue, J.D. looks out and sees MARTHA bob up from
beneath her table then dart back under. He ambles away....

PAULINE
Why are you dissing me, Veronica? I'm
trying to redefine the high school
experience.....

VERONICA
You're ignorning the high school
experience. People are dead and all
you can think to do is whip up some
warped Pity Party. If we're going to
ever build respect for each other,
it's gotta be something...something
real. We can't be tricked into it.
Back me up J.D...J.D.?

PAULINE
(moving off)
Let's go Peter, some people are just
unwilling to share the pain....

MARTHA DUNNSTOCK/DUMPTRUCK'S TABLE

MARTHA slithers from under the table up into her seat, and
head down, tries to finish off a bowl of soup. She slowly looks
up and freezes. J.D. is revealed to be seated across from her,
behind his Rebel Without a Cause lunch box. He smiles warmly.

J.D.
Greetings and salutations.
Genres: ["Dark Comedy","Teen Drama"]

Summary Veronica and J.D. attend Heather Chandler's funeral and witness the school's attempt to bring unity through a hand-holding exercise. Veronica questions the superficiality of the event and expresses her cynicism. J.D. observes the chaos and interacts with Martha Dunnstock. The scene highlights the dark humor and cynicism of the characters.
Strengths "The scene effectively combines dark humor, cynicism, and social commentary. The dialogue is sharp and witty, and the characters' personalities are well-defined."
Weaknesses "The emotional impact could be stronger, and the conflict could be more pronounced."

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively combines dark humor, cynicism, and social commentary to create an engaging and thought-provoking atmosphere.


Story Content

Concept: 7

The concept of using a funeral as a backdrop to explore the characters' dark humor and cynicism is unique and adds depth to the story.

Plot: 7

The plot progresses as Veronica and J.D. attend the funeral and witness the school's attempt at unity. Veronica's questioning of the event sets up future conflicts.

Originality: 0


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters' dark humor and cynicism are well-developed and consistent throughout the scene. Veronica's skepticism and J.D.'s detached observation add depth to their personalities.

Character Changes: 5

There is minimal character change in this scene. Veronica's skepticism and J.D.'s detached observation remain consistent.

Internal Goal: 0

External Goal: 0


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

There is a mild conflict between Veronica and Pauline regarding the authenticity of the school's unity exercise. However, the main conflict is implied and builds anticipation for future events.

Opposition: 0

High Stakes: 5

The stakes are relatively low in this scene as it focuses more on character development and social commentary.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by setting up conflicts and establishing the characters' attitudes towards the events.

Unpredictability: 0

Philosophical Conflict: 0


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

The scene evokes a mix of sadness and amusement, but the emotional impact is not the primary focus.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue effectively conveys the characters' dark humor and cynicism. It also highlights their contrasting perspectives on the events.

Engagement: 0

Pacing: 0


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 0

Structure: 0


Critique
  • The scene starts with Veronica in her bedroom, drinking and reflecting on the recent suicides. The use of the radio broadcast and Veronica's diary entry effectively convey her thoughts and emotions.
  • The introduction of Pauline and her attempt to organize a hand-holding event in the cafeteria adds an interesting dynamic to the scene.
  • The chaotic atmosphere in the cafeteria, with students wearing black armbands and the presence of camera crews, effectively captures the aftermath of the suicides.
  • Veronica's confrontation with Pauline about the superficiality of her efforts adds depth to their characters and highlights the differing approaches to dealing with the tragedy.
  • The scene ends with J.D. sitting down with Martha, which suggests a potential connection between them and adds intrigue to their relationship.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more dialogue or actions to further develop the conflict between Veronica and Pauline.
  • Explore the emotional impact of the suicides on the other characters present in the scene.
  • Consider incorporating more visual elements to enhance the atmosphere and mood of the scene.
  • Further explore the relationship between J.D. and Martha to create more tension and intrigue.
  • Consider adding a resolution or a cliffhanger at the end of the scene to keep the audience engaged.



Scene 19 - Chaos and Cynicism
93 INT. J.D.'S LIVING ROOM -- NIGHT 93

VERONICA restlessly rocks on a couch with increasingly
unguarded annoyance. Excitedly insensitive to her words, J.D.
spins the tuner of his radio, headphones pressed to one ear.

VERONICA
That thing this afternoon...I'm so
angry! It was like "Boy, isn't death
fun!" "Gee, I wonder who'll die next!"
"I'll bet we get FOUR camera crews
next time." It was chaos. Fucking chaos.

J.D. giddily pivots around, tearing the headphones from the
radio and causing a blast of static to accompany his words.
J.D.
What are you talking about? Today
was great. Chaos is great. Chaos is
what killed the dinosaurs, darling,
and it's what's going to make
Westerburg a purified place to get
an education. Face it, our way is
the way. We scare people into not
being assholes.

VERONICA
(a ticking time bomb)
Our way is not OUR way.

J.D.
Tell that to the judge; "Your honor,
I was led to believe there were Ich
Luge bullets in the gun." Tell it to
Kurt Kelly! "Don't shoot, Veronica,
I'm the quarterback."

J.D. goes into a Sonny-Corleone-at-the-Turnpike imitation.
VERONICA throws the first thing she can get her hands on, a
framed picture of a woman, at the vibrating J.D.

VERONICA
I'm telling it to YOU! YOU! Nothing
good can come from suicide, from murder,
from death. Nothing! Nothing except more
death and shit like that feeding frenzy
this afternoon....Geez, what am I..who...
Unnaah! You can be so immature!

J.D.
(looking off)
You kids are making too much damn noise.

BIG BUD DEAN is revealed to be standing in the front doorway,
holding a chest exerciser and waving a videocassette.

BIG BUD DEAN
We beat the bitches.

VERONICA
(mumbling)
Oh beautiful. The Beaver's home.

BIG BUD DEAN
Judge told em to slurp shit and die.

BIG BUD moves to the Entertainment console, turns off the
radio and turns on the V.C.R. He crams the cassette in and
hefts up his chest exerciser. He begins pumping away as the
image of a shabby building appears on the massive T.V.

BIG BUD DEAN
I put a Norwegian in the boiler room.
Masterful. When that blew, it set off
a pack of thermals I'd stuck upstairs.
The building blows up. BIG BUD cackles. J.D. politely
applauds. BUD pops out the videocassette and bounces away.

BIG BUD DEAN
It's great to be alive!

VERONICA
Do you like your father?

J.D.
Never given the matter much thought.
Liked my mother.

J.D. picks up the framed picture that Veronica threw.

J.D.
They said her death was an accident.
But she knew when the explosives were
set to go off. She knew...

VERONICA slowly sits down next to J.D. with dazed concern.

VERONICA
In some sick way, we unclogged the
sinuses of the school. But if we're
going to keep the school healthy, it's
gotta be through something having to
do with life, not death.

J.D.
Whoa, Metaphor Tennis anyone? Tell me,
if you put a Nazi in a concentration
camp, does that make you a Nazi?

VERONICA
MayBE.

J.D. exhales in frustration before bounding up from the couch
to turn back on the radio.

D.J. (Radio)
Dudes, if I get one more request for
that BigFun song I'M going to
committ suicide. Here it is......

J.D.
(malevolently)
They're playing our song....

As the "song" kicks in (a bunch of guys shouting over a drum
machine), J.D. seductively moves toward VERONICA, semi-lip-
syncing it. As a seethingly angry but not unaroused
VERONICA watches, J.D. slithers onto the couch.
BIGFUN (Radio)
TIMES ARE MEAN FOR A TEEN--WE KNOW!
PARENTS IGNORE, TEACHERS BORE--WE KNOW!
BUT THERE'S MORE THAN ONE WAY TO GO!
TEENAGE SUICIDE; DON'T DO IT!
TEENAGE SUICIDE; DON'T DO IT!

J.D. stops his seduction and rips out a gun. He giddily fires
into the radio, destroying it.

VERONICA
That's it, we're breaking up.

J.D.
Wha-a-at?

J.D. playfully tackles the fleeing VERONICA. This calms rather
than angers. She turns on her back. J.D. follows suit.

J.D.
You can't bring them back. You
must know that.

VERONICA
I'm not trying to "bring back"
anybody...except maybe myself.

VERONICA sighs, then rolls over into a crawling position and
eventually into a walking-out-the-door position.

VERONICA
To think there was a time when I
thought you were cool. If you can't
deal with me now, just stay home and
shoot your T.V., blow away a couple
toasters or something. Just don't come
to school and don't mess with me.

J.D.
You'll be BACK!

J.D. slowly sits up and with both hands, puts his gun in his
mouth. He pauses, lets go of the gun, and then biting down on
the barrel of the gun, J.D. proceeds to broodingly tie his
shoes.
Genres: ["Dark Comedy","Teen Drama"]

Summary Veronica and J.D. discuss their frustration with the chaos surrounding Heather Chandler's funeral and their plan to fake the deaths of Kurt and Ram. They engage in dark humor and cynicism as they interact with their parents. The scene ends with Veronica accidentally shooting Kurt, resulting in his death.
Strengths
  • Effective use of dark humor and cynicism
  • Unexpected and impactful death of Kurt
  • Strong character development
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue may be too dark or offensive for some audiences

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene effectively combines dark humor, cynicism, and unexpected tragedy to create a compelling and impactful moment.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of faking deaths and exploring the consequences of chaos and cynicism is intriguing and well-executed.

Plot: 9

The plot progresses significantly with the accidental shooting of Kurt, leading to a major turning point in the story.

Originality: 0


Character Development

Characters: 9

Veronica and J.D. are well-developed characters with distinct personalities and conflicting ideologies.

Character Changes: 8

Veronica experiences a shift in her perspective on death and realizes the negative consequences of her actions.

Internal Goal: 0

External Goal: 0


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

There is a high level of conflict between Veronica and J.D. as they clash over their differing views on death and chaos.

Opposition: 0

High Stakes: 9

The accidental death raises the stakes and intensifies the consequences for Veronica and J.D.

Story Forward: 9

The accidental death of Kurt propels the story forward and sets up further conflicts and consequences.

Unpredictability: 0

Philosophical Conflict: 0


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The accidental death of Kurt evokes a strong emotional response and adds depth to the scene.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is sharp, witty, and effectively conveys the dark humor and cynicism of the characters.

Engagement: 0

Pacing: 0


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 0

Structure: 0


Critique
  • The scene starts off with Veronica expressing her anger towards the chaos caused by J.D.'s actions. However, the dialogue feels a bit on-the-nose and could benefit from more subtlety and nuance.
  • J.D.'s response to Veronica's anger feels a bit dismissive and insensitive. It would be more effective if he acknowledged her concerns and tried to address them in a more empathetic way.
  • The introduction of Big Bud Dean and his actions with the videocassette and chest exerciser feels random and disconnected from the rest of the scene. It doesn't contribute much to the overall story or character development.
  • The conversation between Veronica and J.D. about their methods of scaring people into not being assholes lacks depth and complexity. It would be more interesting to explore their conflicting ideologies in a more nuanced way.
  • The seduction scene with J.D. moving towards Veronica while lip-syncing the song feels forced and out of place. It doesn't add much to the scene and could be removed to streamline the narrative.
  • The ending of the scene, with J.D. putting the gun in his mouth and then broodingly tying his shoes, feels melodramatic and unnecessary. It doesn't contribute to the overall story or character development.
  • Overall, the scene lacks subtlety and depth in its exploration of the conflicts and emotions between the characters. It could benefit from more nuanced dialogue and character interactions.
Suggestions
  • Consider rewriting the dialogue between Veronica and J.D. to add more subtlety and nuance. Instead of directly expressing their anger and dismissiveness, have them engage in a more layered conversation that reveals their conflicting ideologies and emotions.
  • Reevaluate the introduction of Big Bud Dean and his actions. If his character and actions don't contribute significantly to the scene or the overall story, consider removing or reworking this part to maintain focus.
  • Remove the seduction scene with J.D. lip-syncing the song. Instead, focus on the core conflicts and emotions between Veronica and J.D. to create a more impactful and meaningful scene.
  • Consider a different ending for the scene that is more in line with the overall story and character development. Instead of the melodramatic gun moment, find a resolution or cliffhanger that leaves the audience wanting more.
  • Work on adding more depth and complexity to the dialogue and character interactions throughout the scene. Explore the conflicting ideologies and emotions in a more nuanced way to create a more engaging and thought-provoking scene.



Scene 20 - Blackmail and Reflection
94 INT. EMPTY CLASSROOM -- DAY 94

J.D. moves to an empty row of desks. He turns the first desk
as to face the second. HEATHER DUKE warily lowers herself into
the second desk as J.D. flops a manilla envelope onto it.
HEATHER DUKE opens the envelope and pulls out a stack of 8x10's.

The first shot shows a YOUNG HEATHER DUKE in a summer camp
uniform that vibrantly reads HEATHER, She is holding one end
of a large poster board drawing of two Eskimos rubbing noses.
Holding the other end, in a summer camp uniform vibrantly
reading MARTHA, is a YOUNG MARTHA DUNNSTOCK/DUMPTRUCK.
HEATHER DUKE
What the.....

With a harsh laugh, she takes in the next photograph. It has
YOUNG HEATHER DUKE and YOUNG MARTHA eating toasted
marshmallows off each other's sticks.

HEATHER DUKE
(queasily intrigued)
Where did you get these?

J.D.
Oh, I just had the NICEST chat with
Ms. Dumptruck. Got along famously! It's
scary how everyone's got a story to
tell....Would you care to see the
canoeing shots?

HEATHER DUKE
What is this? Blackmail? So what. I
once shared a bunk with the biggest
loser in the state. I'm not running
for president....
(narrowing her eyes at the photos)
I'll give you a week's lunch money.

J.D.
I don't want your money, I want your
strength. Westerburg doesn't need
mushy togetherness, it needs a leader.
Heather Chandler was that leader but...

HEATHER DUKE
But she couldn't handle it.

J.D. laughs. She's on the ball.

J.D.
I think you can. In Catcher in the Rye
Holden says his ideal job'd be making
sure some kids don't fall off a cliff.
He doesn't realize if you pay too much
attention to the kids, you'll back off
the cliff yourself.

HEATHER DUKE
Very very. The photographs?

J.D.
Don't worry. I'll ask you to do a favour,
one you'll enjoy. You'll get the
negatives and everything back then.

J.D. launches away from his desk with a grin. He places a
red ribbon on HEATHER DUKE's desk.

J.D.
In the meantime, strength, And hey,
there's a little gift.
95 INT. THE GIRLS BATHROOM -- DAY 95

A spooked HEATHER DUKE splashes water on her face and looks up
into the mirror. In a trance, she pulls her hair back Heather
Chandler fashion and ties it with the ribbon J.D. gave her.

A BETTY FINN-A-LIKE moves up to the sink beside her. Two CHIC
BABES enter the bathroom with pouting expressions. Seemingly
in a trance, HEATHER DUKE bends over and wipes off her wet hands
using the oblivious BETTY FINN-A-LIKE's dress. HEATHER DUKE
winks to the now-giggling CHIC BABES and saunters off.

96 INT. HALLWAY -- DAY 96

HEATHER DUKE bursts through the bathroom door to wickedly
strut down the hall. She scowls/smiles in perfect Heather
Chandler fashion to various passers-by.

97 ANOTHER HALLWAY -- DAY 97

Disoriented, VERONICA somnambulates down the hall. She suddenly
brakes amid the flow of Student traffic to stare at a locker.
The locker wears a POLICE LINE--DO NOT CROSS sticker. VERONICA
pulls out a School Spirit Club I.D. Card and moves to the locker.

With the card, she wrangles the locker open. It contains a
coat, recognizably Heather Chandler's. On the inside door is a
sizable mirror, a cute little "HEATHER" license plate, an
Alexander Haig For President sticker, and a picture of VERONICA
and the HEATHERS all wearing sunglasses and acting tough.

VERONICA zeroes in on a three frame Photo Booth picture. In
the first frame, VERONICA and HEATHER CHANDLER stare
stonefaced. In the second frame, the two girls are screaming
at the top of their lungs. In the third frame, they have
returned to a stonefaced state. VERONICA touches the picture
with a quivering smile as two hands flap around her eyes.

HEATHER DUKE
Guess who?

VERONICA
Heather.

VERONICA turns around, stunned. The Heather Chandleresque
HEATHER DUKE can be seen in the locker mirror. VERONICA
violently pushes HEATHER DUKE away and storms off.

HEATHER DUKE peers in the open locker. A pair of red earrings
flash out at her. Biting her lip, she reaches for them.

98 INT. VERONICA'S BEDROOM -- NIGHT 98

Lying on the floor, VERONICA concentrates on her phone. With
a deep sigh, she pushbuttons out a number. She pauses, then...

VERONICA
Ouch. Your machine's got the most
obnoxious beep. Heather, I'm sorry.
99 INT. HEATHER DUKE'S BEDROOM -- NIGHT 99

VERONICA's voice drones through HEATHER DUKE's answering machine.

VERONICA (O.S./machine)
I'm just calling to say you can
wear your hair any way you want to.

A Male hand picks up the phone. It's College boy DAVID.

DAVID
Hey Veronica Sawyer, barf on
anybody's carpet lately?

100 INT. VERONICA'S BEDROOM -- NIGHT 100

VERONICA cringes.

VERONICA
Is this David? Heather's David?
What are you doing....

101 INT. HEATHER DUKE'S BEDROOM -- NIGHT 101

DAVID
What can I say? I was pretty broken
up by Heather C.'s suicide. I needed
somebody super-sensitive like Heather D.

102 INT. VERONICA'S BEDROOM -- NIGHT 102

VERONICA
I'm delirious for the both of you.
Can you put Heather on?

103 INT. HEATHER DUKE'S BEDROOM -- NIGHT 103

DAVID proudly looks down off-screen to his lap.

DAVID
She can't really talk right now.

104 INT. VERONICA'S BEDROOM -- NIGHT 104

VERONICA slams down the receiver and pulls up a sleek leather
address book. She severely scans through it. Tossing it away,
VERONICA then descends into the sundry junk of her night
table drawer and draws up another address book.
This one is frayed and pink polka-dotted. She peruses it and
dials.....

VERONICA
Hello, Betty.....
Genres: ["Dark Comedy","Teen Drama"]

Summary Veronica and J.D. continue their plan to fake the deaths of Kurt and Ram. They blackmail Heather Duke with old photos and discuss the need for a new leader at Westerburg. Veronica discovers Heather Duke imitating Heather Chandler and confronts her. Meanwhile, Veronica reaches out to Betty and David, but is met with sarcasm and indifference.
Strengths "The scene effectively combines dark humor and cynicism, creating an engaging and thought-provoking atmosphere. The dialogue is sharp and witty, and the characters' interactions reveal their complex personalities and motivations."
Weaknesses "The scene could benefit from further exploration of the emotional impact of Heather Chandler's death and the characters' reactions to it."

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene effectively blends humor and cynicism to create an engaging and thought-provoking atmosphere. The dialogue is sharp and witty, and the characters' interactions reveal their complex personalities and motivations.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of faking deaths and manipulating social dynamics in high school is intriguing and adds tension to the story. The scene effectively explores the consequences of Heather Chandler's death and the power struggles that arise in her absence.

Plot: 9

The plot progresses as Veronica and J.D. execute their plan and confront Heather Duke. The accidental shooting of Kurt adds a surprising twist and raises the stakes for the characters.

Originality: 0


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed and their personalities shine through their dialogue and actions. Veronica is conflicted but determined, J.D. is manipulative and charismatic, and Heather Duke is vulnerable yet cunning.

Character Changes: 7

Heather Duke experiences a subtle change as she imitates Heather Chandler and gains confidence. Veronica's confrontation with Heather Duke showcases her growing disillusionment with the social dynamics at Westerburg.

Internal Goal: 0

External Goal: 0


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

There is a moderate level of conflict in the scene, primarily driven by the power struggles between the characters and the revelation of blackmail. The accidental shooting of Kurt adds a sudden and intense conflict.

Opposition: 0

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high as Veronica and J.D. manipulate others and navigate the consequences of their actions. The accidental shooting of Kurt raises the stakes even further.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by advancing the plan to fake the deaths of Kurt and Ram, deepening the conflict between the characters, and setting up future events.

Unpredictability: 0

Philosophical Conflict: 0


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene elicits a range of emotions, including amusement, cynicism, and surprise. The accidental shooting of Kurt adds a moment of shock and sadness.

Dialogue: 10

The dialogue is sharp, witty, and filled with dark humor. It effectively conveys the characters' cynicism and adds depth to their interactions.

Engagement: 0

Pacing: 0


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 0

Structure: 0


Critique
  • The scene lacks clear transitions between locations, making it confusing for the reader to follow the action.
  • The dialogue feels forced and unnatural, particularly in the conversation between J.D. and Heather Duke.
  • The blackmail plot involving the photos of Heather Duke and Martha feels contrived and lacks depth.
  • The emotional tone of the scene is inconsistent, shifting between tense and manipulative without a clear purpose.
  • The visual elements are not effectively utilized to enhance the storytelling or create a visually engaging scene.
  • The conflict between Veronica and Heather Duke is not fully explored or resolved in this scene.
  • The scene lacks a clear narrative arc and fails to advance the overall story or character development.
Suggestions
  • Consider revising the scene to provide clearer transitions between locations, making it easier for the reader to follow the action.
  • Work on improving the dialogue to make it more natural and authentic, ensuring that it reflects the unique voices and personalities of the characters.
  • Reevaluate the blackmail plot involving the photos of Heather Duke and Martha, considering whether it adds depth and complexity to the story or if it feels contrived.
  • Refine the emotional tone of the scene to create a more consistent and purposeful atmosphere that aligns with the overall themes and tone of the screenplay.
  • Explore ways to utilize the visual elements more effectively, such as using them to enhance the storytelling, create visual symbolism, or evoke specific emotions.
  • Develop the conflict between Veronica and Heather Duke further, allowing it to drive the scene and provide opportunities for character growth and resolution.
  • Ensure that the scene has a clear narrative arc that advances the overall story and contributes to the development of the characters and themes.



Scene 21 - Croquet and Cynicism
105 EXT. SAWYER BACKYARD -- LATE AFTERNOON 105

BETTY FINN hits her ball through a wicket and squeals in
delight. VERONICA has a motherly smile on her face.
BETTY
I don't believe it. I'm winning.

VERONICA
Don't get cocky, girl.

BETTY bends down to shoot then raises her body back up.

BETTY
I missed you. I know I'm not as, as
exciting as your other friends.

VERONICA
That's bullshit. Just shoot.

BETTY once again bends and raises.

BETTY
Ronnie, I'm still a virgin. I french-
kissed Al Springer once but he...

VERONICA
(warmly)
Shoot.

BETTY finally shoots. Feebly.

VERONICA
Betty, your daydreams are a lot
better than my realities, believe
me. I'm afraid though it's time to die.

BETTY
Ronnie!

VEONCIA gigglingly shoots, but misses the wicket. And instead
hits BETTY's ball. Disturbed by the sudden dilemma, she
determinedly walks to her ball and moves it away from BETTY's.

BETTY
Hey, you're not settling for the two shots
are you? Knock me out girl. It's the only way.

VERONICA
It's not my style, okay?

BETTY
Nice guys finish last. I should know.

VERONICA sighs then knocks BETTY's adjacent ball sailing
toward the porch and a statuesque Earring-wearing HEATHER
DUKE, who does not budge as the ball whizzes past her.

HEATHER DUKE
Brav-O!

BETTY FINN
(nervously)
I've got to get going, Veronica.
VERONICA
Sure.

HEATHER DUKE walks toward the girls followed by a meandering
desultory HEATHER MCNAMARA, who picks up a green mallet and
fragilely swings it; her early robustness a forgotten memory.

HEATHER MCNAMARA
Croquet won't be the same without Heather.

HEATHER DUKE
(condescendingly to the passing Betty)
Oh Betty, leaving so soon...HEY, I'M RED!

LATER IN THE GAME

Red ball underfoot, HEATHER DUKE savagely "sends" HEATHER
MCNAMARA's green ball into the flower bed.

HEATHER MCNAMARA
Shit.

HEATHER DUKE
You know what really bites; when people
watch that cafeteria stuff on TV and see
all those Geeks and Metalheads jumping
around, they're going to think Uncool
is the Rule at Westerburg.....Damn!

HEATHER DUKE's shot swerves wide of the wicket.

VERONICA
You're so polluted. Talking down to
people, making fake notes....

VERONICA blows her shot.

HEATHER DUKE
I don't see what gives you the right
to lecture, RONNIE. You were
soulmates with Betty Finn until you
realized you're the cover of
Seventeen magazine and she's the
before half of a Scarsdale Diet ad.

HEATHER DUKE bashes her ball into VERONICA's and prepares
to send it.

HEATHER DUKE
Some people just don't matter. Why
should those who do carry their
weight? Am I right?

As HEATHER DUKE swings down her mallet, VERONICA steps on her
own ball. When HEATHER DUKE's mallet makes contact, the two
balls slam against each other, unmoving, with a loud smack.
VERONICA
No, you're wrong. It's not even
your turn.

The depressed and disoriented HEATHER MCNAMARA, laying
against a tree, pipes in.

HEATHER MCNAMARA
She's right.....Boy, croquet's not
the same without Heather.

HEATHER DUKE
(shaking out her wrist)
I don't know what your damage is
Veronica, but me and Heather are
going to walk over to the Mall.
Maybe by the time we head back,
your tampon'll be flushed.

As HEATHER DUKE and HEATHER MCNAMARA meander out the back of
the yard, an annoyed VERONICA revolves back toward the house
to see J.D. sitting comfortably at the patio table with a
drink.

VERONICA
Christ, doesn't anybody knock?

J.D.
Mummy and Daddy let me in. So I'm a
dark horse, huh? You make me blush...

VERONICA reaches the patio, gently swinging her croquet mallet,
excited with the thought that J.D. has come to change his ways.

VERONICA
Did you come to tell me something?
Something nice. Remotely apologetic.

J.D.
(oblivious)
How about that Heather Duke, huh? I
say it's about time we got down to
doing what we do best.

VERONICA
(angrily blowing up at her bangs)
Just finish your drink and get out.

VERONICA storms to the patio door.

106 - 114 OMIT 106 - 114

115 INT. GYM -- DUSK 115

Wearing a BigFun T-shirt, MARTHA DUNNSTOCK/DUMPTRUCK sits in
the bleachers glumly sipping out of a cup of Coke. Cheers and
shouts can be heard booming around her.
As she places the cup down beside her, it is revealed MARTHA
is completely alone in the gym; the others being sad workings
of her embattled imagination.

She lifts the cup back up to her mouth but the plastic lid
pops off and a gush of Coke splashes onto her BigFun T-shirt.

116 INY. THE SAWYER LIVING ROOM -- DUSK 116

With her croquet mallet, VERONICA comes into her house,
sliding the patio door closed. MOM and DAD are watching a
video image of PAULINE FLEMING at a cafeteria table.

MOM
Jason's kinda cute for a dark horse.

PAULINE (T.V.)
The Westerburg Suicides were tough on
all of us, but we shared the pain of
losing three very popular souls.

DAD
I don't know about that coat he was
wearing though. Hey, isn't that the
flake we met at Open House.

A zombie VERONICA floats past her parents to stare at the T.V.

PAULINE (T.V.)
I came into the cafeteria and
asked them to hold hands. The
response was immediate.

Footage of the frenzied handholding Students unfolds upon the
screen with no evidence of the calculation behind it.
PAULINE's sanctimoniously dulcet tones go over the image.

PAULINE (V.O./T.V.)
My mere words liberated the students,
causing them to open their petals and
reveal their hopes and fears. By a
stroke of luck, T.V. cameras were
fortunate enough to happen to be on
hand to capture this spontaneous,
natural emotional outpouring of emotion.

VERONICA
Happened to be on hand....spontaneous
natural emotional outpouring!

VERONICA clams up in anger as her parents babble.

DAD
Look there's Heather.

MOM
And there's Heather. Where are
you, Veronica?
The video image of PAULINE at a cafeteria table returns.

PAULINE (T.V.)
Whether to commit suicide is the most
important decision a teenager has to
make. With supervision from people like
myself, we can help young people make
the right decision.

With her croquet, VERONICA slams the on/off Button and
turns to her parents.

VERONICA
I'm right here.
Genres: ["Dark Comedy","Teen Drama"]

Summary Veronica and J.D. play croquet with Betty while discussing their frustrations and cynicism surrounding Heather Chandler's funeral. Heather Duke joins them and engages in condescending conversation. Veronica confronts Heather Duke about imitating Heather Chandler. J.D. arrives and suggests continuing their plan. Veronica becomes angry and J.D. leaves. Martha Dunnstock is shown alone in the gym, feeling isolated. Veronica returns home and watches a video of Pauline Fleming discussing the Westerburg Suicides. Veronica becomes angry and turns off the TV.
Strengths
  • Sharp and sarcastic dialogue
  • Effective portrayal of dark humor and cynicism
  • Strong emotional impact
Weaknesses
  • Limited character development
  • Lack of depth in exploring the theme

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively showcases the dark humor and cynicism of the characters, while also highlighting their frustrations and disillusionment. The dialogue is sharp and sarcastic, adding to the overall tone of the scene. The conflict between Veronica and Heather Duke adds tension and drives the plot forward. The emotional impact is strong, particularly in Veronica's anger and frustration. The scene could be improved by further developing the character changes and exploring the theme in more depth.


Story Content

Concept: 7

The concept of exploring the dark side of teenage life and the disillusionment with popularity and superficiality is well-executed in this scene. The use of dark humor and cynicism adds depth to the characters and the overall tone of the story.

Plot: 7

The plot of the scene revolves around Veronica and J.D.'s frustrations with Heather Chandler's funeral and their plan to fake the deaths of Kurt and Ram. The conflict between Veronica and Heather Duke adds tension and drives the plot forward. The accidental shooting of Kurt adds a surprising twist to the plot.

Originality: 0


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters in this scene are well-developed and their personalities shine through in their dialogue and interactions. Veronica is shown as a disillusioned and sarcastic teenager, while J.D. is mysterious and unpredictable. Heather Duke is condescending and manipulative. Martha Dunnstock is portrayed as lonely and isolated.

Character Changes: 6

There is some character development in this scene, particularly in Veronica's growing anger and frustration. However, the changes are not significant or transformative.

Internal Goal: 0

External Goal: 0


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict between Veronica and Heather Duke adds tension and drives the scene forward. The accidental shooting of Kurt adds a surprising twist and increases the conflict.

Opposition: 0

High Stakes: 6

The stakes in this scene are not particularly high, but the accidental shooting of Kurt raises the stakes and adds a sense of danger.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by showcasing the characters' frustrations and setting up future conflicts. The accidental shooting of Kurt adds a surprising twist and propels the plot forward.

Unpredictability: 0

Philosophical Conflict: 0


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes strong emotions, particularly in Veronica's anger and frustration. The portrayal of Martha's loneliness also elicits empathy.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue in this scene is sharp, sarcastic, and filled with dark humor. It effectively conveys the cynicism and frustrations of the characters. The exchanges between Veronica and Heather Duke are particularly engaging and highlight the conflict between them.

Engagement: 0

Pacing: 0


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 0

Structure: 0


Critique
  • The scene lacks clear focus and purpose. It jumps between different characters and locations without a clear narrative thread.
  • The dialogue feels forced and unnatural at times, particularly in the conversation between Betty and Veronica.
  • The emotional tone of the scene is inconsistent, shifting between lightheartedness, nostalgia, disappointment, and frustration without a clear throughline.
  • The visual elements are not effectively utilized to enhance the storytelling or create a cohesive visual style.
  • The conflicts introduced in the scene are not fully explored or resolved, leaving the audience with a sense of dissatisfaction.
  • The scene lacks a strong sense of pacing and structure, making it feel disjointed and confusing for the reader.
  • The character motivations and relationships are not clearly established, making it difficult for the audience to fully engage with the scene.
  • The scene lacks a clear climax or resolution, leaving the audience without a satisfying payoff.
Suggestions
  • Consider streamlining the scene by focusing on one or two key conflicts and characters, rather than trying to include every character and location.
  • Work on improving the dialogue to make it more natural and authentic, ensuring that each character has a distinct voice.
  • Establish a consistent emotional tone throughout the scene to create a more cohesive and engaging experience for the audience.
  • Utilize the visual elements to enhance the storytelling and create a visually compelling scene.
  • Develop the conflicts introduced in the scene further, allowing them to build to a climax and resolution that satisfies the audience.
  • Revisit the pacing and structure of the scene to ensure that it flows smoothly and effectively engages the reader.
  • Clarify the character motivations and relationships to make them more compelling and relatable to the audience.
  • Craft a clear climax and resolution for the scene that provides a satisfying payoff for the audience.



Scene 22 - Cynical Reflections
117 EXT. OUTSIDE OF THE SCHOOL -- DUSK 117

MARTHA trudges outside of the school, the coke stain still
grotesquely encrusted to her BigFun T-shirt. She pins an
illegible-except-for-the-words-DEAR-WESTERBURG note onto her
shirt, over the stain. She continues moving toward a street
of passing cars.

118 INT. SAWYER FAMILY/T.V. ROOM -- DUSK/NIGHT 118

The Sawyer family is on fire. VERONICA yanks the television
cord from its socket.

MOM
Turn that back on!

VERONICA
Can't you see, these little programs
eat up suicide with a spoon. They make
it seem like a cool thing to do.

DAD
If we're not going to watch that
program, can I put on the game?

VERONICA
Hey kids, make your parents and
teachers feel like shit! Get the
respect in death you'll never get
in life!

MOM
Are you trying to tell me it is NOT
a troubled time for the nation's youth?
Get up off the floor, your dress is
getting filthy.

VERONICA
Everybody cares about YOUTH, not the
individual. All we want is to be treated
like human beings, not like guinea pigs
to be experimented on and not like
bunny rabbits to be patronized.
DAD
I do not patronize bunny rabbits.

MOM
Treated like human beings? Is that
what you said little Miss Voice of
a Generation? Just how do you think
adults act with other adults? You
think it's all just Doubles Tennis.
Adults can be horrible to other adults.
When teenagers complain that they
want to be treated like human beings,
it's usually because they ARE being
treated like human beings.

VERONICA leans against the wall with a melancholy smile.

VERONICA
I guess I picked the wrong time
to be a human being.

MOM is embarassed for getting so involved. She meekly gestures
to a tray of pate with a compassionate smile.

MOM
You'll live. Want some pate?

HEATHER DUKE suddenly breezes in the room, out of breath,
holding various shopping bags.

HEATHER DUKE
Hi everyone, door was open. Have you
heard, Veronica? We were doing Chinese
at the Food Fair, right, when they
come over the radio and say Martha
Dumptruck tried to buy the farm. She
bellyflopped in front of a car,
wearing a suicide note.

VERONICA
(repulsed)
Is she dead?

HEATHER DUKE
That's the punchline. She's still
alive, in stable condition. Another
case of a geek trying to imitate the
popular people of the school and
failing miserably. Is that pate?

VERONICA slaps HEATHER DUKE in the face.

119 INT. VERONICA'S BEDROOM -- NIGHT 119

HEATHER DUKE paces the room holding an icepack to her jaw.
VERONICA is glumly sprawled on the ground.

VERONICA
I said I was sorry.
HEATHER DUKE
You are out of control. Heather and
Kurt were a shock, but Martha
Dumptruck, get crucial! She dialed
suicide hotlines in her diapers.

VERONICA
You're not funny. Turn on the radio.

HEATHER DUKE
(Heather Chandleresque)
Martha couldn't take the heat so she
got out of the kitchen. Just think
what a better place the world would
be if every nimrod followed her cue.

VERONICA
Just shut up and turn on the radio.
Hot Probs is on.

HEATHER DUKE
Oh shit, yeah.

HEATHER DUKE hastens to the radio and flicks it on. Ripping
open a bag of corn nuts, she sets herself down next to
VERONICA as a TROUBLED MALE VOICE cuts the air.

TROUBLED MALE VOICE (Radio)
I know it's supposed to be funny
that they never get off the island,
but still, sometimes I feel like I'M
on that island and Gilligan can be just
so STUPID sometimes.

HEATHER DUKE
This sounds like a good one.

120 INT. RADIO STATION BOOTH -- NIGHT 120

A slob D.J. cackles into a conference call-type box.

D.J.
Dude, you've got to remember if it
wasn't for the courage of the fearless
crew, the Minnow would be lost. The
Minnow would be lost! Next call!

TROUBLED MALE VOICE
But Skipper hates me...

The D.J. rudely clicks off the TROUBLED MALE VOICE.

D.J.
Whoa, they're coming out early tonight.
What ever happened to abortions and acne?
You've got the Dogcatcher and you're
listening to Hot Probs.
121 INT. HEATHER MCNAMARA'S BEDROOM -- NIGHT 121

HEATHER MCNAMARA is sitting clandestinely on her bedroom floor
talking on the phone and through her radio. A dim lamp
provides the room's only light.

HEATHER MCNAMARA
My name is Heather, I mean, not Heather.

HEATHER MCNAMARA looks up at a Madonna poster on the wall.

HEATHER MCNAMARA
It's Madonna. Geez, no, not that.

HEATHER MCNAMARA looks up to a knick-knack of little gold bird.

122 INT. VERONICA'S BEDROOM -- NIGHT 122

VERONICA and HEATHER DUKE simultaneously move into stunned
silence.

D.J. (radio)
Hey babe, I need a name?

123 INT. RADIO STATION BOOTH -- NIGHT 123

HEATHER MCNAMARA (box)
My name is Tweety.

D.J.
Yo, Tweet, if you're going to tell
me you just saw a puttycat....

124 INT. HEATHER MCNAMARA'S BEDROOM -- NIGHT 124

A broken-down HEATHER MCNAMARA sobs.

HEATHER MCNAMARA
God has cursed me, I think. The
last time I had sex, the guy killed
himself the next day. I'm failing Math.
Genres: ["Dark Comedy","Teen Drama"]

Summary Veronica and J.D. discuss their frustration with the chaos surrounding Heather Chandler's funeral and their plan to fake the deaths of Kurt and Ram. They engage in dark humor and cynicism as they interact with their parents. The scene ends with Veronica accidentally shooting Kurt, resulting in his death.
Strengths "The scene effectively captures the dark humor and cynicism of the characters, advancing the plot and showcasing their frustration with superficiality."
Weaknesses "The accidental shooting of Kurt may be seen as a sudden and unexpected event, potentially disrupting the overall tone of the scene."

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene effectively captures the dark humor and cynicism of the characters, providing a strong emotional impact and advancing the plot.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of faking deaths and exploring the superficiality of events is intriguing and well-executed.

Plot: 9

The plot progresses significantly with the discussion of the plan to fake deaths and the accidental shooting of Kurt.

Originality: 0


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters' frustration, dark humor, and cynicism are well-developed and contribute to the overall tone of the scene.

Character Changes: 7

While there is not significant character change in this scene, it sets up the potential for change in future events.

Internal Goal: 0

External Goal: 0


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

There is a moderate level of conflict in the scene, primarily driven by the characters' frustration and their plan to fake deaths.

Opposition: 0

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high as the characters plan to fake deaths and face potential consequences for their actions.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by advancing the plan to fake deaths and introducing conflicts with Heather Duke.

Unpredictability: 0

Philosophical Conflict: 0


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a range of emotions, including humor, cynicism, and shock with the accidental shooting of Kurt.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue effectively conveys the characters' emotions, humor, and cynicism, adding depth to their interactions.

Engagement: 0

Pacing: 0


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 0

Structure: 0


Critique
  • The scene starts with Martha trudging outside of the school, which sets a somber tone for the rest of the scene.
  • Veronica's argument with her parents about the media's portrayal of suicide is a strong moment that highlights her frustration and cynicism.
  • Heather Duke's entrance and her insensitive comments about Martha's suicide attempt add tension to the scene.
  • Veronica's slap to Heather Duke's face is a powerful moment that shows her anger and frustration.
  • The transition to Veronica's bedroom feels abrupt and could be smoother.
  • The Troubled Male Voice on the radio adds an interesting layer to the scene and provides some dark humor.
  • Heather McNamara's phone call and her confession about the guy she had sex with killing himself adds depth to her character and highlights the dark themes of the scene.
  • The scene ends with Heather McNamara sobbing, which leaves a strong emotional impact.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more visual descriptions to enhance the atmosphere and mood of the scene.
  • Smooth out the transition between the different locations to create a more seamless flow.
  • Explore the dynamics between the characters further to deepen the conflicts and tensions.
  • Consider adding more dialogue that reveals the characters' inner thoughts and emotions.
  • Consider adding more actions or gestures to convey the characters' emotions and reactions.
  • Consider adding more subtext and layers to the dialogue to make it more nuanced and impactful.
  • Consider adding more sensory details to immerse the reader in the scene and enhance the emotional impact.



Scene 23 - Veronica and J.D. Discuss Chaos and Faking Deaths
125 INT. VERONICA'S BEDROOM -- NIGHT 125

HEATHER DUKE excitedlly jumps up as HEATHER MCNAMARA drones on.

HEATHER DUKE HEATHER MCNAMARA (radio)
Holy shit, that's My whole life is a mess.
Heather! We'll I was supposed to be
crucify her! captain of the cheerleading
team, but I probably won't
VERONICA because I miss practice when
Oh man, she knows we my Dad visits. My parents
listen to this show! are divorced and stuff and....
126 INT. CLASSROOM -- DAY 126

A blackboard reads POOR LITTLE HEATHER.

VERONICA (V.O.)
Heather told everyone about Heather.

HEATHER MCNAMARA is revealed in the front row wearing her
cheerleader uniform. To the left, HEATHER DUKE dishes with
some dreamy GUYS. At the back of the classroom, VERONICA,
monocle in eye, writes in her diary.

VERONICA (V.O.)
Yes, Dear Diary, I've cut off Heather
Chandler's head and Heather Duke's head
has sprouted in its place like some
mythological thing my eighth grade
boyfriend would know about. Heather's
even doing the old note trick.

A HOMELY GIRL is seen reading a note, glancing to a TYPICAL JOCK.
VERONICA takes in the wicked panorama of the classroom.

VERONICA (V.O.)
I've seen J.D.'s way. I've seen Pauline's way.
Nothing's changed. I guess that's Heather's
way. And jesus, what about J.D.? I can't get
him out of my head. Are we going to the Prom?
Or to Hell? And where's Heather going?

HEATHER MCNAMARA suddenly rises and walks out of the classroom,
passing a GRUFF TEACHER in a trenchcoat, carrying a briefcase.

GRUFF TEACHER
Where's Heather going?

HEATHER DUKE
She's going to CRY-Y-Y.

127 INT. GIRLS BATHROOM -- DAY 127

HEATHER MCNAMARA struggles to open a bottle of sleeping pills.

HEATHER MCNAMARA
Fucking child protector caps.

128 INT. THE GRUFF TEACHER'S CLASSROOM -- DAY 128

GRUFF TEACHER writes a math problem on the board. A flustered
VERONICA squirms in her seat then leaps up and runs to the door.

GRUFF TEACHER
Now where's she going? Is somebody getting
raped today on All My Children or what?
129 INT. GIRLS BATHROOM -- DAY 129

130 INT. HALLWAY -- DAY 130

VERONICA races down the hall.

131 INT. GIRLS BATHROOM -- DAY 131

HEATHER MCNAMARA is a chipmunk with a mouthful of pills.

She pulls a glass from her purse and turns on a faucet, but no
water comes out. She manages to mumble.

HEATHER MCNAMARA
Give me a break.

HEATHER MCNAMARA gets running water from another sink as
VERONICA rushes in. VERONICA punches HEATHER MCNAMARA's face
causing the pills to explode out of her mouth. HEATHER
MCNAMARA slumps against a stall, onto the floor.

HEATHER MCNAMARA
What are you trying to do? Kill me?

VERONICA jumps up and down on the pills on the floor.

VERONICA
What were YOU trying to do? Sleep?

HEATHER MCNAMARA
Suicide is a private thing.

VERONICA lunges forward to strike her. HEATHER MCNAMARA
recoils with a wail. Half-regaining her composure, VERONICA
slides down next to HEATHER MCNAMARA.

VERONICA
You're giving your life away to
become a goddamn statistic in U.S.
Fucking A Today. That's got to be
the least private thing I can think of.

HEATHER MCNAMARA
But what about Heather and Ram and Kurt?

VERONICA
If everyone jumped off a bridge,
young lady, would you?

HEATHER MCNAMARA wipes tears from her eyes and smiles weakly.

HEATHER MCNAMARA
Probably....

VERONICA
Hey now, if you were happy every day
of your life, you wouldn't be a human
being, you'd be a game show host.
HEATHER MCNAMARA
Let's knock off early. Buy some shoes.
Something lame like that.

VERONICA
Sure.

132 INT. THE EMPTY CLASSROOM -- DAY 132

Comfortably slouched at a desk, J.D. laconically rumbles.

J.D.
So it's come to this.
(turning to the viewer)
Heather Chandler did polls. I want you
to do a Petition, as a favor, as THE
favor. You've heard the group Big Fun, right?

HEATHER DUKE sits at the desk opposite him torching THE
manilla envelopes (photographs) with a butane lighter.

HEATHER DUKE
TEENAGE SUICIDE; DON'T DO IT!

J.D.
(post-chortle)
Some teenybopper rag said that Big Fun wants
to play a Prom. It could be Westerburg's
if we can get everyone's John Hancock.

J.D. flips across a stack of blank, connected computer
printout sheets. At the top is a small paragraph and the word
PETITION. HEATHER DUKE blows ashes off her desk and grabs it,
giggling.

HEATHER DUKE
I'll get right on it coach. And hey,
a little gift. I won't be needing it.

HEATHER DUKE twirls her copy of Catcher in the Rye to a
pleased J.D.

133 INT. STAIRCASE WINDOW -- DAY 133

HEATHER DUKE gothically ascends a staircase, holding the
petition. She stops, arms raised high, to bathe in the
sunlight blasting through the staircase window.

134 INT. CAFETERIA -- DAY 134

HEATHER DUKE, petition in hand, sashays toward the Country
Club Kids table.

COURTNEY
Oh great. Here comes Heather.

KEITH
Shit.
135 INT. SCHOOL BUS -- DAY 135

HEATHER DUKE chirps to a schoolbusful of various STUDENTS.

136 EXT. SCHOOL LAWN -- DAY 136

The provocatively dressed Petitioner charms a patch of Jocks.

137 INT. STAIRCASE WINDOW -- DAY 137

HEATHER DUKE continues to bizarrely bathe in the sunlight of
the staircase window.

138 EXT. PARKING LOT -- DAY 138

Strategically wearing Heavy Metal accessories, HEATHER DUKE
slams down the petition atop a car-hoodful of Metalheads.

139 INT. STONERS' HALLWAY -- DAY 139

Decked out in denim, HEATHER DUKE vanishes into the Stoner
Hallway smoke, with the petition.
Genres: ["Dark Comedy","Teen Drama"]

Summary Veronica and J.D. discuss their frustration with the chaos surrounding Heather Chandler's funeral and their plan to fake the deaths of Kurt and Ram. They engage in dark humor and cynicism as they interact with their parents. The scene ends with Veronica accidentally shooting Kurt, resulting in his death.
Strengths "The strengths of this scene include the sharp and witty dialogue, the dark humor and cynicism, the significant plot development, and the emotional impact of the accidental shooting."
Weaknesses "One potential weakness is that the scene may be too dark and cynical for some audiences. Additionally, the transition from discussing chaos and faking deaths to the accidental shooting may feel abrupt to some viewers."

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is highly engaging and impactful, with strong dialogue and a significant plot twist. The dark humor and cynicism add depth to the characters and the overall tone of the scene.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of faking deaths and the chaos surrounding a funeral is intriguing and adds tension to the story. The scene effectively explores the consequences and moral dilemmas associated with this concept.

Plot: 9

The plot progresses significantly in this scene, with the discussion of faking deaths and the accidental shooting of Kurt. The scene introduces new conflicts and raises the stakes for the characters.

Originality: 0


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed and their frustrations and cynicism are effectively portrayed. Veronica and J.D. have a complex dynamic, and Heather Duke adds condescending conversation to the scene.

Character Changes: 8

Veronica experiences a significant character change as she accidentally shoots Kurt, leading to guilt and remorse. This event also impacts J.D.'s character arc and their relationship.

Internal Goal: 0

External Goal: 0


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is high, with tensions rising between Veronica and J.D., and the accidental shooting of Kurt leading to a major turning point in the story.

Opposition: 0

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in this scene, with the characters planning to fake deaths and the accidental shooting resulting in a character's death. The consequences of their actions have significant implications for the story.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by introducing new conflicts, raising the stakes, and leading to a major plot development with the accidental shooting of Kurt.

Unpredictability: 0

Philosophical Conflict: 0


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a range of emotions, including frustration, cynicism, and shock. The accidental shooting of Kurt adds a tragic element and raises the emotional stakes for the characters.

Dialogue: 10

The dialogue is sharp, witty, and filled with dark humor. It effectively conveys the frustrations and cynicism of the characters, as well as their motivations and conflicts.

Engagement: 0

Pacing: 0


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 0

Structure: 0


Critique
  • The scene lacks clear transitions between locations, making it confusing for the reader to follow the action.
  • The dialogue between Heather Duke and Heather McNamara feels forced and lacks depth, making it difficult for the audience to connect with the characters.
  • The scene lacks visual descriptions and actions, making it visually uninteresting and static.
  • The emotional tone of the scene is inconsistent, shifting abruptly from excitement to despair without proper build-up or development.
  • The conflict between Veronica and Heather McNamara is resolved too quickly and easily, undermining the gravity of the situation.
  • The dialogue lacks subtlety and nuance, relying too heavily on clichés and melodrama.
  • The scene lacks a clear narrative purpose and fails to advance the overall story or character arcs.
Suggestions
  • Add clear transitions and visual cues to indicate changes in location and time.
  • Develop the dialogue between Heather Duke and Heather McNamara to make it more authentic and emotionally resonant.
  • Include more visual descriptions and actions to make the scene visually engaging and dynamic.
  • Establish a consistent emotional tone throughout the scene by carefully crafting the characters' reactions and interactions.
  • Extend the conflict between Veronica and Heather McNamara, allowing for a more meaningful resolution that reflects the gravity of the situation.
  • Revise the dialogue to make it more nuanced and realistic, avoiding clichés and melodrama.
  • Ensure that the scene serves a clear narrative purpose and contributes to the overall story and character development.



Scene 24 - Veronica Confronts Heather Duke
140 INT. THE STAIRCASE WINDOW -- DAY 140

HEATHER DUKE further writhes in the sunlight until VERONICA's
perplexed voice cuts into her bliss.

VERONICA (O.S.)
Heather?

HEATHER DUKE brings down her arms and the petition and turns
to VERONICA, revealed to be descending down the steps.

HEATHER DUKE
Veronica! Color me stoked, girl. I've
gotten EVERYONE to sign this petition
even the one who think BigFun are
tuneless Eurofags. People love me!
(giggling)
My God, you haven't signed!

VERONICA
People love you but I know you.
Jennifer Forbes told me the petition
she signed was to put a hot tub in
the cafeteria. And Doug Hylton...

HEATHER DUKE
(verbally winking)
So some people need different kinds
of "convincing" than others....
(happiness evaporating)
Hey, just sign the petition!

VERONICA
HEATHER DUKE
It was J.D.'s idea! He made
out the signature sheet and
everything. Now will you sign it?

VERONICA
(queasy)
No.

HEATHER DUKE
Jealous much?

VERONICA slaps HEATHER DUKE with all her might.

VERONICA
Heather, why can't you just be a
friend? Why are you such a MegaBitch?

HEATHER DUKE
Because I can be! The same fucking cheek,
goddamnit! Why are you pulling my dick?
Do you think, do you really think, if
Betty Finn's fairy godmother made HER
Cool, she'd still act nice and hang with
her dweebette friends? No way! Uh-Uh!

HEATHER DUKE stumbles down the stairs.

HEATHER DUKE
Fuck me gently with a chainsaw...

J.D.'s voice cuts into VERONICA's concentration.

J.D. (O.S.)
Wanna go out tonight?

VERONICA grimly turns to see a smirking, descending J.D.

J.D.
Catch a movie? Some miniature Golf?

VERONICA
(jokingly but caustically)
I was thinking more along the lines
of slitting Heather Duke's wrists
open and making it look like a suicide.

J.D. seductively slides behind VERONICA and envelops her.

J.D.
I could be up for that. I've already
started underlining MEANINGFUL passages
in Heather's copy of Catcher in the Rye,
if you know what I mean. This is great,
Veronica. I knew you'd come back.
As in the Chandler kitchen scene, J.D. kisses the back of
VERONICA's neck and she closes her eyes. Suddenly she rifles
her elbow into his stomach, doubling him over. She screams in
his ear then bolts down the stairs as he gasps after her.

VERONICA
It's over, J.D. Over! Grow up!

J.D.
I don't get it! You were wrong! I was
right! Strength, damnit! Come back!

141 INT. SAWYER LIVING ROOM -- DUSK 141

Intensely clutching her schoolbooks, VERONICA walks through
the front door into the living room where MOM and DAD sit with
aggressively compassionate faces. VERONICA is a bit confused.

VERONICA
Yes?

MOM and DAD glance at each other before MOM speaks.

MOM
Your friend Jason Dean just stopped
by. He seemed very concerned about
you. He said he thinks you might
try to kill yourself.

DAD
You HAVE been depressed lately. Oh,
he said this is for you.

DAD holds out an envelope. VERONICA nabs it and rips it open.
The note reads, in feminine manuscript: RECOGNIZE THE
HANDWRITING?

VERONICA
Oh my God....

VERONICA runs off, her mother's voice trailing behind her.

MOM (O.S.)
He says we should keep you away from
sharp objects, closed garages, toxic...

142 INT. VERONICA'S BEDROOM -- DUSK 142

VERONICA vaults through her bedroom door. A Barbieish doll
wearing a BigFun T-shirt hangs from a noose. With a whimper,
she swerves away from it, looks to her open window, and then
dives onto her bed.

143 EXT. OUTSIDE THE SAWYER HOUSE -- NIGHT 143

J.D. laconically leans against his motorcycle with his legs
suavely crossed. He looks uo to Veronica's bedroom window and
hears another whimper emerge. He puts a cigarette in his mouth
and lights it with a smile.
144 INT. VERONICA'S BEDROOM -- NIGHT 144

VERONICA curls into a fetal position on her bed and closes her
eyes.....tighter and tighter as J.D.'s voice.

J.D. (O.S.)
"You can't ever find a place nice
and peaceful because there isn't any."

VERONICA flops around to see J.D. kneeling over her on her bed
reading Heather Duke's copy of The Catcher in the Rye.

J.D.
Nice. It's got that Catcher-in-the-Ryey-
I-hate-the-world-and-the-world-hates-me-
so-let's-commit-suicide ambience. Give
it a try, underline something.

J.D. giddily underlines words then slides into a prone
position, tossing the book to an enraged VERONICA.

VERONICA
Get off my bed, you sick psycho.
You think you're a rebel. You're
not a rebel. You're a sick psycho.
(increasing rage)
Do you think you're a rebel? Do you
think you're a rebel? I wanna know!

J.D.
You say tomayto, I say tomahto. Let's
call the whole thing off...Hold it!

VERONICA freezes and J.D. reaches up to her hand where she
holds the Catcher in the Rye. Her index finger is curled into
the book. Sitting up, J.D. carefully opens the book at that
place and peers in.

J.D.
Look at that. Eskimo. One word. I
love it. I usually go for whole
sentences myself, but hey this is
perfecto. Eskimo. So mysterious...

VERONICA
Wait a....You're not listening! I'm
not on your side....
Genres: ["Comedy","Drama"]

Summary Veronica confronts Heather Duke about imitating Heather Chandler and their plan to fake the deaths of Kurt and Ram. J.D. joins them and suggests continuing the plan. Veronica becomes angry and J.D. leaves. Veronica returns home and finds a disturbing note. J.D. appears in her bedroom and they engage in a tense conversation.
Strengths
  • Sharp and engaging dialogue
  • Effective portrayal of emotions and conflicts
  • Exploration of dark themes
Weaknesses
  • Some moments of confusion in the dialogue

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene effectively captures the dark and cynical tone of the film, while also advancing the plot and developing the characters. The dialogue is sharp and engaging, and the conflict between Veronica and J.D. adds tension to the scene.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of faking deaths and exploring the dark side of teenage life is intriguing and unique. It adds depth to the story and allows for exploration of themes such as identity and friendship.

Plot: 9

The plot of the scene revolves around Veronica confronting Heather Duke and the tension between Veronica and J.D. It moves the story forward by revealing the characters' motivations and setting up future events.

Originality: 0


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed and their interactions are believable. Veronica's anger and frustration, Heather Duke's condescension, and J.D.'s manipulative nature are all effectively portrayed.

Character Changes: 8

Veronica experiences a range of emotions in this scene, from anger to confusion to determination. Her confrontation with Heather Duke and her interaction with J.D. reveal her growth and development as a character.

Internal Goal: 0

External Goal: 0


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between Veronica and Heather Duke, as well as the tension between Veronica and J.D., adds intensity and keeps the audience engaged.

Opposition: 0

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in this scene as Veronica confronts Heather Duke and makes a decision about her involvement in the plan to fake the deaths of Kurt and Ram. The consequences of her actions could have a significant impact on her life.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward