The boys

Executive Summary

Overview

Genres: The, unique, genres, for, the, movie, are:, Superhero, Drama, Romance, Action

Setting: Contemporary, New York City

Themes: Loss and Grief, Justice and Revenge, Identity and Self-discovery, Corruption and Power, Love and Loss, Superficiality and Image

Conflict and Stakes: Hughie seeks justice for Robin's death and joins forces with Butcher to take down corrupt superheroes. The stakes involve exposing the truth and seeking revenge.

Overall Mood: Dark, gritty, and intense

Mood/Tone at Key Scenes:

  • Scene 2: A mix of love and banter between Hughie and Robin, abruptly shattered by tragedy
  • Scene 10: Humiliation and disillusionment as Starlight learns the harsh reality of her idolized heroes
  • Scene 15: Tense and action-packed as Butcher and Translucent face off

Standout Features:

  • Unique Hook: Exploration of the dark side of superheroes and the corrupt system that supports them.
  • Major Twist: Robin's sudden and shocking death, which sets the story in motion.
  • Distinctive Setting: The upscale living room, the Seven Tower, and the suburban house provide visually interesting and contrasting locations.
  • Innovative Ideas: The concept of superheroes being controlled by a powerful corporation and the exploration of the consequences of their actions.
  • Genre Blend: Blending elements of superhero, drama, and thriller genres to create a unique and engaging story.

Comparable Scripts:

  • The Boys (TV Show)
  • Watchmen (Graphic Novel/Film/TV Show)
  • Kick-Ass (Film/Comic Book)
  • Jessica Jones (TV Show)
  • The Incredibles (Film)
  • Unbreakable (Film)
  • Birdman (Film)
  • The Dark Knight (Film)
  • Stranger Things (TV Show)
  • The Truman Show (Film)
Pass/Consider/Recommend

Recommend


Explanation: The screenplay is recommended due to its effective establishment of the world and themes, strong emotional impact, and intriguing use of real questions. However, there are areas that need improvement, such as smoother transitions and clearer connections between storylines. Additionally, more information about character motivations and missing elements, such as Compound V, would enhance the overall narrative. Overall, the screenplay has compelling strengths and notable points, but would benefit from further development and refinement.


USP: The Unique Selling Proposition in this screenplay is the combination of romance, tragedy, and superhero action, creating a shocking and emotional story. It explores the themes of love, ambition, and the dark side of the superhero world. The scenes showcase the devastating impact of a tragic event on the characters, the superficiality of the superhero industry, and the conflict between seeking justice and moving on. It also introduces a new superheroine and delves into the corrupt and scandalous nature of the superhero industry. The screenplay offers a unique and compelling storytelling experience that will captivate its target audience and set itself apart from other scripts in its genre.
Market Analaysis

Budget Estimate:$50-70 million

Target Audience Demographics: Adults aged 18-49, fans of superhero stories with a darker and more realistic twist

Marketability: The screenplay offers a fresh take on the superhero genre, with compelling characters, intense conflicts, and relevant social themes. The success of similar projects like 'Watchmen' and 'The Boys' demonstrates the marketability of this screenplay.

Profit Potential: High, due to the popularity of superhero stories and the potential for a dedicated fanbase. The screenplay's unique twist and strong storytelling could also attract critical acclaim and awards attention.

Analysis Criteria Percentiles
Screenplay Score percentiles against the scripts in our Library
Writer's Voice

Summary:The writer's voice is characterized by a mix of humor, wit, and emotional depth. The dialogue is snappy and realistic, while the narrative description is vivid and descriptive. The writer's voice contributes to the overall mood of the screenplay by infusing it with a sense of energy, tension, and dark humor. It also explores themes of disillusionment, justice, and the contrast between idealized superheroes and the harsh realities of the world. The writer's voice adds depth to the characters and the story, creating a compelling and engaging screenplay.

Best representation: Scene 3 - Tragedy Strikes. This scene is the best representation because it showcases the writer's ability to blend emotional depth with dark humor and create a sense of authenticity in the characters' actions and dialogue.

Memorable Lines:

  • Butcher: She wasn’t in the street. She was one step off the fuckin’ curb. (Scene 6)
  • Butcher: But mostly, people like that cozy feeling Supes give ‘em. You got someone to swoop in and save the day for you, then you don’t gotta do it yourself. (Scene 7)
  • Hughie: ...they’re laughing. Like she’s a joke. They’re fucking laughing. (Scene 9)
  • Hughie: ROBIN! ROBIN!! (Scene 2)
  • Robin's Dad: Too late. She’s dead. And you wanna drag out some court case? So we can relive her death? (Scene 4)
Characters

Hughie:Tech virtuoso who seeks justice for his girlfriend's death

Robin:Hughie's girlfriend who is killed by a superhero

Starlight/Annie:A young superhero who joins the Seven

A-Train:Super-fast hero who accidentally kills Robin

Butcher:Leader of a group seeking revenge against corrupt superheroes

Story Shape
Genres: The, unique, genres, for, the, movie, are:, Superhero, Drama, Romance, Action

Overview The Boys is a script that explores the dark side of the superhero industry through the eyes of Hughie, a tech virtuoso who seeks justice for the tragic death of his girlfriend, Robin. As Hughie delves deeper into the corrupt world of superheroes, he teams up with a group called the Boys to expose the truth and hold the superheroes accountable. The story follows Hughie's transformation from a hesitant and fearful individual to a determined fighter seeking justice.

Theme The central themes of The Boys include loss and grief, justice and revenge, identity and self-discovery, corruption and power, love and loss, and superficiality and image.

Characters The main characters in The Boys include Hughie, a sincere and earnest tech virtuoso seeking justice; Robin, Hughie's girlfriend who becomes a symbol of innocence lost; Starlight, a young superheroine navigating the dark side of the superhero industry; and Butcher, a determined leader seeking to take down corrupt superheroes.

Conflict The main conflict in The Boys revolves around Hughie's quest for justice and his confrontation with corrupt superheroes. As Hughie teams up with the Boys, they face challenges and obstacles in their mission to expose the truth and hold the superheroes accountable. The conflict evolves as Hughie undergoes a transformation from seeking revenge to fighting for justice on a larger scale.

Story Telling The Boys combines elements of romance, tragedy, and superhero action to create a shocking and emotional story. The script explores the themes of love, ambition, and the dark side of the superhero world. The storytelling is characterized by a mix of humor, wit, and emotional depth, with sharp and realistic dialogue and vivid narrative description.

Tone and Style The overall tone and style of The Boys is a mix of gritty realism, dark humor, and emotional depth. The script explores complex themes and delves into the moral complexities of having superpowers. The style is characterized by sharp dialogue, vivid imagery, and a blend of action and introspection.

Setting The story is set in a world where superheroes are idolized and controlled by a powerful corporation called Vought. The setting includes upscale living rooms, office buildings, suburban houses, and the Seven Tower in New York City. The importance of the setting lies in its portrayal of the superficiality and corruption within the superhero industry.

Audience The Boys is intended for an adult audience who enjoys superhero stories with a darker and more realistic twist. It appeals to those who appreciate thought-provoking narratives that explore the consequences of power and the complexities of human emotions.



Note: The ratings are the averages over each scene.
The Percentile is against the screenplays in our library.
Title
Grade
Percentile
Overall8.8  97
Concept 7.9  64
Plot 8.6  94
Characters 8.9  100
Dialogue 7.9 66
Emotional Impact 9.1 100
Conflict Level 8.3 78
At least one Character Changes in the scene 7.9 98
Story Moves Forward 8.6 92
High Stakes 8.3 83
Internal Goal Score 8.0 51
External Goal Score 7.1 26
Originality Score 6.8 59
Engagement Score 8.8 72
Pacing Score 8.2 26
Formatting Score 8.9 28
Structure Score 8.3 36



Genres: The, unique, genres, for, the, movie, are:, Superhero, Drama, Romance, Action



Summary The Boys is a story set in a world where superheroes are media darlings. The story follows the character Hughie, who loses his girlfriend Robin to a brutal attack by A-Train, a super-fast hero. Hughie's life is forever changed, and he refuses to sign a confidentiality agreement offered by Vought. Young superheroine Starlight also navigates the superficial and competitive industry of entertainment. Hughie and Butcher investigate Robin's death, infiltrate the Seven Tower and confront Translucent. Butcher vows to take down Homelander.


Screenplay Story Analysis

Story Critique The plot/story of the screenplay has some strong elements, such as the introduction of the main characters and their initial conflicts. The scenes involving Hughie and Robin's relationship and the aftermath of Robin's death are emotionally impactful and set up a strong motivation for Hughie's actions. The introduction of Starlight and her struggles with the corrupt superhero system also adds depth to the story. However, there are some areas that could be improved. The pacing of the story feels uneven, with some scenes feeling rushed while others drag on. Additionally, the plot lacks a clear central conflict or goal for the characters to strive towards. The scenes involving the Seven Tower and Starlight's rise to fame could be more tightly connected to the main storyline. Overall, the story has potential but could benefit from further development and refinement.

Suggestions: 1. Clarify the central conflict or goal of the story to give the characters a clear direction and purpose. This could involve Hughie seeking justice for Robin's death or Starlight trying to expose the corruption within Vought. 2. Improve the pacing by trimming unnecessary scenes and focusing on the most important plot points. This will help maintain the audience's engagement throughout the screenplay. 3. Strengthen the connection between the different storylines, particularly between Hughie and Starlight. Find ways to intertwine their narratives and create more opportunities for them to interact and influence each other's journeys. 4. Consider adding more depth to the supporting characters, such as the West Side Mom and the Seven members, to make them more memorable and impactful. This will help create a richer and more immersive world for the story to unfold in.

Note: This is the overall critique. For scene by scene critique click here



Summary of Scene Level Analysis

Scene Strengths
  • Strong emotional impact
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Well-developed characters
  • Effective introduction of the superhero world
  • Visually appealing
Scene Weaknesses
  • Limited plot progression
  • Low conflict level
  • Underdeveloped Butcher's character
  • Limited exploration of themes
  • Some dialogue could be more impactful
Suggestions
  • Consider incorporating more conflict and plot progression to keep the story moving forward
  • Further develop Butcher's character to enhance their significance in the story
  • Expand upon the themes introduced in the scene to add depth and complexity to the story
  • Take time to tighten and refine the dialogue to make it more impactful
  • Consider incorporating more visually stimulating elements to enhance the story's visuals

Note: This is the synthesis. See scene by scene analysis here


How scenes compare to the Scripts in our Library

Note: The ratings are the averages of all the scenes.
Title
Grade
Percentile Before After
Emotional Impact 9.1  100 Titanic: 9.0 Squid Game: 9.1
Character Changes 7.9  98 Everything Everywhere All at Once: 7.8 Squid Game: 8.3
Characters 8.9  98 Silence of the lambs: 8.8 Black mirror 304: 8.9
Overall 8.8  95 Community: 8.6 Terminator 2: 8.8
Plot 8.6  93 Back to the future: 8.5 Casablanca: 8.6
Story Forward 8.6  92 Stranger things: 8.5 The matrix: 8.6
High Stakes 8.3  81 Severance: 8.2 Vice: 8.3
Conflict Level 8.3  78 Everything Everywhere All at Once: 8.2 Avatar: 8.5
Engagement 8.75  71 Inglorious Basterds: 8.70 Shaun of the Dead: 8.75
Dialogue 7.9  63 Amadeus: 7.8 heathers : 7.9
Concept 7.9  61 The usual suspects: 7.8 Titanic: 7.9
Originality 6.75  58 Back to the future: 6.74 John wick: 6.75
Internal Goal 8.00  49 Mind Hunter: 7.95 Stranger things: 8.00
Structure 8.25  36 Squid Game: 8.14 Birdman: 8.26
Formatting 8.94  28 As good as it gets: 8.91 Mind Hunter: 8.95
External Goal 7.13  26 Stranger things: 7.09 Mo: 7.14
Pacing 8.19  24 As good as it gets: 8.16 Suits: 8.19



See the full analysis by clicking the title.

1 The Boys: The Name of the Game Improve Exciting, Humorous, Emotional 8 8 76 9 587675667 89898
2 Tragic Revelation Improve Playful, Serious, Shocking 9 8 85 9 9879998810 79798
3 Tragedy Strikes Improve Serious, Emotional 9 8 89 9 887778879 89898
4 Tragedy Strikes Improve Playful, Devastating, Reflective 9 8 96 9 9879999710 88899
5 The World of Superheroes Improve Playful, Devastating, Overwhelmed, Elated 9 8 96 9 9879799610 88999
6 The Seven and Starlight Improve Exciting, Tragic, Hopeful 9 8 96 9 887878969 89889
7 The Funeral and the Offer Improve Devastated, Reflective, Playful, Weird 8 7 97 8 887888979 89898
8 Devastation and Revelation Improve Devastated, Horror, Awkward, Furious, Scared, Cool, Unsettling 9 8 99 9 8879999910 89898
9 The Funeral and the Negotiation Improve Anxious, Playful, Devastated, Enraged, Nervous, Corporate, Pleasant 9 8 99 9 887988989 89998
10 Meeting the Idol Improve Humiliation, Anger, Suspense 8 7 89 9 787888979 79898
11 Devastation and Revelation Improve Devastated, Scandalous, Numb, Defeated 9 8 96 9 887978969 87898
12 Finding Strength in Vulnerability Improve Devastated, Hopeful, Reflective 9 8 76 9 887466779 89898
13 The Beginning of a Plan Improve Devastation, Suspense, Determination 9 8 96 9 887979979 89898
14 Infiltrating The Seven Tower Improve Anxious, Tense, Relieved, Confident 9 8 96 9 787989978 89898
15 The Showdown Improve Devastation, Hope, Determination 9 8 96 9 88710810979 89998
16 Confrontation and Revelation Improve Devastation, Revenge, Bravery, Defiance, Psychopathy 9 8 96 9 889999989 89999


Scene 1 - The Boys: The Name of the Game
THE BOYS

Pilot

TA "The Name of the Game"



Teleplay by
Eric Kripke


Based on the Comic by
Garth Ennis and Darick Robertson


Directed by
Seth Rogen and Evan Goldberg
U

NETWORK DRAFT 6
October 15, 2017




Copyright © 2017
SONY PICTURES TELEVISION INC.
All Rights Reserved
No portion of this script may be performed, or reproduced by
any means, or quoted, or published in any medium without prior
consent of SONY PICTURES TELEVISION INC. * 10202 West Washington
Boulevard * Culver City, CA 90232 *
THE BOYS #101 "Name of the Game" - 10/15/17 (NETWORK DRAFT 6) 1.


THE BOYS
“The Name of the Game”
FADE IN...
OPEN on COMIC BOOK PICTURES WHIRRING PAST. Golden Age to
Modern Age. Beloved heroes you all know and love -- like
Soldier Boy, Lamplighter, and most of all, the Homelander.
Until the images coalesce into a block of text:
VOUGHT STUDIOS PRESENTS:
Then -- A SNAP OF STATIC TAKES US TO --
YOUTUBE. Hand-held iPhone video of a statuesque warrior
(QUEEN MAEVE) kicking the SHIT out of a robber.
Now Queen Maeve perp-walks the cuffed robber to the waiting
NYPD. Most notable is the CROWD that’s gathered around,
cheering and chanting her name. A galaxy of phone FLASHES,
as everyone else records it, too.
The CHRYON along the bottom: “EYEWITNESS FOOTAGE OF QUEEN
TA
MAEVE IN ACTION!”
Which LAUNCHES us into a fast-paced FIREHOSE RUSH of IMAGES.
TV, Twitter, Instagram, Snapchat. A multi-faceted, multi-
media world -- but one thing unites us all:
WE LOVE SUPERHEROES.
E! CHANNEL. VIDEO FOOTAGE of the DEEP, a handsome-as-hell
aquatic hero in a skin-tight suit, in Long Island, comforting
a beached whale. Bystanders call out his name (”DEEP!
DEEP!”) as TWO E! NEWS ANCHORS dish about his granite abs.
U
SNAP! A moody, Michael Bay-style image of THE SEVEN, the
world’s most popular Superhero Team. Homelander, Queen
Maeve, the Deep, the Lamplighter, others.
ANNOUNCER (V.O.)
The Seven. The greatest Superhero
Team on the planet.
(then)
And now you can bring them home.
Collect all Seven commemorative
glasses from McDonal--
SNAP! It’s a Christian Channel. CAPTAIN FANTASTIC, on-stage
in a MEGACHURCH. A big BANNER behind: “CAPES FOR CHRIST.”
Adoring CONGREGANTS clasp their hands in prayer.
CAPTAIN FANTASTIC
And it’s just a few short weeks to
our incredible “Believe” festival,
where we give praise to the most
powerful hero of them all, Je--


(CONTINUED)
THE BOYS #101 "Name of the Game" - 10/15/17 (NETWORK DRAFT 6) 2.
CONTINUED:
SNAP! INSTAGRAM. Video taken from the middle of a
rambunctious crowd that’s WAY LARGER than the others we’ve
seen. POLICE barely hold them back. SHRIEKING FOR --
HOMELANDER! Head of the Seven and the world’s biggest
Superhero. If Tom Hanks, Tom Cruise and John Wayne all gang-
banged. He waves from the red carpet of a UNICEF benefit.
People go FUCKING BANANAS, SHOVE against the cops. It’s like
Beatlemania.
‘Likes’ for this Instagram Post shoot into the stratosphere.
Finally -- a LOCAL NEWS INTERVIEW with a GIRL, 20. She’s
bawling her eyes out.
GIRL
...he just... Homelander does so
much to protect us... and to be this
close to him, it’s... overwhelming.
Homelander, if you see this, Adrian
from Brooklyn loves you, loves you
with all her heart...
We PULL BACK. Revealing we’re watching a FLAT SCREEN --
TA
INT. UPPER WEST SIDE APARTMENT - NIGHT
In an upscale living room. As we meet HUGHIE (20’s, slight,
kind). In a “BRYMAN AUDIO VISUAL” shirt. Installing
someone’s new TV. As well as their Blu-Ray. Sonos.
Programming their Universal Remote. Hughie does it all. We
see his FINGERS, dexterous and deft. He’s quite the tech
virtuoso.
MOMENTS LATER. He presents the BILL on a clipboard -- to a
U
WEST SIDE MOM in a New York Power Suit. She only half pays
attention, as she returns work emails on her phone.
HUGHIE
You sure? We’re running a special
on Vimtag Security Cameras. HD.
You can access ‘em from your phone.
WEST SIDE MOM
Thanks but no. I don’t think we
really need ‘em. My nanny’s here
all the time.
Hughie just has one of those sincere, earnest faces. He nods
to the woman’s 7-YEAR-OLD in a HOMELANDER COSTUME, playing
with his Dominican NANNY.
HUGHIE
Course. And you got the Homelander
watching over things.
(off the Mom’s smile)
But, you know, the Homelander can’t
be everywhere at once. Neither can
the cops.
(MORE)
(CONTINUED)
THE BOYS #101 "Name of the Game" - 10/15/17 (NETWORK DRAFT 6) 3.
CONTINUED:
HUGHIE (CONT'D)
Or the nanny, for that matter. No,
if we wanna keep an eye on our kids?
That’s up to us. Even if we’re
working long hours and late nights.
Know what I mean?
Mom looks up from her phone. Clearly a long hour worker.
HUGHIE
Maybe you don’t need the cameras,
but what about that one time you do?
Is there such a thing as too safe?
Off Hughie. Smiling warmly. Making the sale.
INT. BRYMAN AUDIO VISUAL - NIGHT
A Mom-and-Pop ELECTRONICS STORE. TV’s and STEREO EQUIPMENT
on the shelves. Hughie behind the counter. As --
The bell over the door RINGS. ROBIN (20’s, girl-next-door
cute) enters. She sidles up to Hughie, as if a customer --
TA ROBIN
Excuse me, sir? I want to schedule
an appointment. For you to come
over and --
(arches an eyebrow)
Lay some cable.
HUGHIE
(smiles)
Robin. That doesn’t mean what you
think it means.
U
ROBIN
‘Laying cable’ means sex.
HUGHIE
‘Laying pipe’ means sex. ‘Laying
cable’ means you want me to come to
your house and take a shit.
ROBIN
(laughing)
That’s disgusting.
HUGHIE
Hey, you said it.
ROBIN
You ready yet? Despite your best
efforts, I’m still hungry.
Genres: ["Superhero","Drama"]

Summary The scene introduces the world of superheroes and their popularity through various media platforms. It focuses on the character Hughie, a tech virtuoso, who sells security cameras to a busy mom. The scene also establishes the relationship between Hughie and Robin, showcasing their playful banter.
Strengths
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Strong character dynamics
  • Visually appealing
Weaknesses
  • Limited plot progression
  • Low conflict level

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively introduces the world and characters while setting up the tone and themes of the series. The dialogue is engaging and the visuals create a visually appealing and immersive experience.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring the darker side of superheroes and their impact on society is intriguing and unique. It sets the stage for a fresh take on the genre.

Plot: 7

The plot is not fully developed in this scene, but it effectively establishes the world and introduces the main characters.

Originality: 6

The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While the concept of a society obsessed with superheroes is not entirely unique, the specific execution and the inclusion of humor and satire add freshness to the familiar theme. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue also contributes to the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-defined and their personalities shine through the dialogue and interactions. Hughie is portrayed as sincere and earnest, while Robin is playful and witty.

Character Changes: 5

There is minimal character change in this scene, as it primarily serves to establish the characters and their dynamics.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to make a sale and convince the West Side Mom to purchase security cameras. This reflects Hughie's desire to protect people and ensure their safety, as well as his ambition to succeed in his job.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to schedule an appointment with Robin. This reflects Hughie's desire for a romantic relationship and his willingness to engage in playful banter with Robin.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

The conflict in this scene is relatively low, focusing more on introducing the world and characters.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in this scene is moderate. While there is no significant obstacle or conflict, there is a playful banter between Hughie and Robin that adds tension and intrigue.

High Stakes: 5

The stakes in this scene are relatively low, focusing more on the everyday lives of the characters rather than high-stakes conflicts.

Story Forward: 6

The scene moves the story forward by introducing the world and characters, but the plot progression is limited.

Unpredictability: 6

This scene is somewhat unpredictable because it includes unexpected humor and banter between the characters. However, the overall plot and direction of the scene are relatively straightforward.

Philosophical Conflict: 0

There is no evident philosophical conflict in this scene.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes emotions of nostalgia, hope, and excitement through the portrayal of beloved superheroes and the admiration of the characters.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is witty, engaging, and reveals the personalities of the characters. It adds humor and depth to the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it introduces the audience to a world obsessed with superheroes and showcases the protagonist's charm and wit. The quick cuts between different media platforms and the humorous dialogue keep the audience entertained and interested.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in maintaining the audience's interest and moving the story forward. The quick cuts between different media platforms and the snappy dialogue create a fast-paced rhythm.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It includes scene headings, character names, dialogue, and action descriptions in a clear and organized manner.

Structure: 8

The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It introduces the setting, establishes the protagonist's goals, and includes dialogue and action to move the scene forward.


Critique
  • The scene lacks a clear purpose or conflict. It feels like a series of disconnected events that don't move the story forward.
  • The dialogue between Hughie and the West Side Mom feels forced and unnatural. It's unclear why Hughie is trying to sell her security cameras, and the conversation doesn't flow smoothly.
  • The introduction of Robin feels abrupt and out of place. There's no context for their relationship or why she's asking him to come over.
  • The scene could benefit from more visual elements to make it more engaging and interesting to watch.
  • The emotional tone of the scene is flat and uninteresting. There's no tension or excitement to draw the audience in.
  • The scene ends abruptly without any resolution or clear direction for where the story is going.
Suggestions
  • Clarify the purpose of the scene and make sure it moves the story forward.
  • Rewrite the dialogue to make it more natural and flow smoothly.
  • Introduce Robin in a more organic way that makes sense for the story.
  • Add more visual elements to make the scene more engaging and interesting to watch.
  • Create more tension and excitement in the scene to draw the audience in.
  • Give the scene a clear resolution or direction for where the story is going.



Scene 2 - Tragic Revelation
EXT. NEW YORK SIDE STREET - NIGHT
OPEN ON A BUS-STOP POSTER. A completely BLACK SUITED HERO in
a cologne ad. “BLACK NOIR for DRAKKAR NOIR.”

(CONTINUED)
THE BOYS #101 "Name of the Game" - 10/15/17 (NETWORK DRAFT 6) 4.
CONTINUED:
As Hughie and Robin, holding hands, walk down an empty SIDE-
STREET. She CHUCKLES at a story he just told --
ROBIN
...so you got her from ‘no thanks,’
to four cameras?
HUGHIE
What can I say? I’m a good fucking
salesman.
(off Robin’s eye-roll)
Hey, I got you, didn’t I?
ROBIN
Barely!
(beat)
Speaking of, Mr. Salesman. Did you
ask for the raise?
Hughie takes a half-beat. He knows Robin isn’t going to like
this, but plays it off, casually.
HUGHIE
Gary was totally supportive -- he
TA
just says things are slow. Next
year, though, for sure.
ROBIN
Okay.
Hughie looks at her. Feels guilty.
HUGHIE
What do you want me to do? Go in
there and kick his ass?
U
ROBIN
I said ‘okay.’
HUGHIE
But you didn’t mean it. I see that
look. C’mon, let’s hear it.
ROBIN
(sighs, alright)
You’re the best guy there, by a long
shot -- and Gary’s taking advantage
of you -- and yeah, you should get
in there and fight for it.
This is banter, not bickering. A sign of how much they love,
and are comfortable with, each other.
HUGHIE
Jesus. I didn’t realize you needed
a sugar daddy.



(CONTINUED)
THE BOYS #101 "Name of the Game" - 10/15/17 (NETWORK DRAFT 6) 5.
CONTINUED: (2)
ROBIN
Blow me. This is about you getting
what you deserve. Hell, I’m killing
myself at school cause it’s gonna
pay off -- for both of us. I mean,
if we’re moving in together --
Robin takes one step off the curb into the street, about to
cross. But Hughie stops on a dime.
HUGHIE
Wait. What’d you just say?
ROBIN
(breaks into a grin)
Well, we can’t keep -- laying pipe --
at your parent’s place. Trying to
keep quiet, staring up at that dumb
Zeppelin poster.
HUGHIE
(also grins)
Hey. Don’t ever besmirch the
Zeppelin poster.
TA
He’s still on the curb, she’s still one step in the street.
As he leans forward and kisses her. Like none he’s ever had
before -- or ever will again.
Hughie steps back, holding both of Robin’s hands. They’re so
in love, then --
SMASH! Robin is suddenly, shockingly ATOMIZED before
Hughie’s eyes. Blood and gummy bits of viscera spatter
against Hughie’s face. Hughie still holds Robin’s hands.
U
But that’s all he’s holding. They’re gory, detached.
It happens so fast, Hughie doesn’t have time to react.
As fast-running hero A-TRAIN skids to a stop. Robin’s
insides all over his costumed outsides. He clutches a
distinctive BLUE DUFFEL BAG tight to his chest. The
motherfucker just ran right through Hughie’s girlfriend.
A-Train is straight-up frightened. Jittery as hell. But not
because of what he just did. Then why?
A-TRAIN
(sputtering)
Oh God, I’m -- I’m sorry. But I
can’t stop. I can’t stop.
And with that, A-Train RACES away at supersonic speeds,
leaving a blurred trail of motion in his wake.
And leaving Hughie. Alone. Holding two bloody hands. In
shock, he can’t let them go. Until some emotion -- some
abject horror -- begins to seep in...

(CONTINUED)
THE BOYS #101 "Name of the Game" - 10/15/17 (NETWORK DRAFT 6) 6.
CONTINUED: (3)
HUGHIE
(a whisper)
... R... Rob...
WIDE SHOT. Down the street. Hughie is small in the frame.
His voice distant, ragged, wrenching, as finally:
HUGHIE
ROBIN! ROBIN!!
EXT. OFFICE BUILDING - DES MOINES, IOWA - DAY
A generic Nissan Altima pulls up before a generic office
park. STARLIGHT (20’s, blonde, sweet, in a reasonably modest
superhero outfit) climbs out of the passenger seat. She
clutches a HEADSHOT, looks nervous.
But not as nervous as her MOTHER. Who licks her finger,
smooths out Starlight’s eyebrow.
STARLIGHT’S MOTHER
Whatever you do, don’t chew your
thumbnail. And remember to smile.
TA
INT. OFFICE BUILDING - WAITING ROOM - DAY
All beige, all the time. Water cooler burps. A table with a
sad, out of date PEOPLE magazine. Metal folding chairs
occupied by a few exotically-garbed SUPERHEROINES. (Let’s
play the clash between the mundane and the superheroic).
Starlight enters, signs in. Nods at one of the other
Superheroines, apparently no love lost.
STARLIGHT
U
Hey Countess.
COUNTESS
Starlight. Omigod. So good to see
you. Is that a new headshot?
STARLIGHT
No. Same one.
COUNTESS
It’s so nice.
Countess gives a “I’m pretending to like you but I fucking
hate your guts” grin. Starlight smiles back, self-conscious.
From there, we enter a MONTAGE of Starlight’s bizarre
AUDITION. INTERCUTTING:
INT. OFFICE BUILDING - AUDITION ROOM - DAY
VIDEO CAMERA POV. It SNAPS to life. Focusing in on
Starlight. Anxious.


(CONTINUED)
THE BOYS #101 "Name of the Game" - 10/15/17 (NETWORK DRAFT 6) 7.
CONTINUED:
CASTING DIRECTOR (O.S.)
Please slate for the camera.
STARLIGHT
Yeah, I’m, um, Starlight. 5 foot 8,
127 pounds.
CASTING DIRECTOR (O.S.)
Turn around please.
She rotates, an awkward 360 degree turn. Then --
CASTING DIRECTOR (O.S.)
Okay, let’s see it, dear.
STARLIGHT
You should look away --
CASTING DIRECTOR (O.S.)
Sorry?
STARLIGHT
Turn away from camera and shut your
TA
eyes. Or else I’ll blind you.

Alright.
CASTING DIRECTOR (O.S.)
Go ahead.
Starlight concentrates -- it starts with her eyes, which glow
white hot -- then the OVERHEAD FLUORESCENTS FLICKER and FADE,
as she draws energy from her nearby surroundings --
Until her EYES emit a J.J. Abrams-style, blazing LIGHT BURST
that explodes into the room --
U
The camera FREEZES and FRITZES and RATTLES at the concussive
blast. When it resumes, it’s on its side, Starlight is
crouching over someone just off camera, upset --
STARLIGHT
I’m so sorry, are you alright?
CASTING DIRECTOR (O.S.)
Just fine, dear. Very impressive.
INT. OFFICE BUILDING - BATHROOM - DAY
Starlight on the toilet. Clearly peeing. (You never see
superheroes peeing!) Then she reaches beneath her, pulls out
the plastic urine test cup. Begins to label it...
Genres: ["Superhero","Drama","Romance"]

Summary In this scene, Hughie and Robin are walking down a side street, discussing Hughie's job and the possibility of moving in together. Suddenly, Robin is brutally killed by A-Train, a super-fast hero who runs through her. Hughie is left in shock and horror, holding Robin's detached hands. The scene then shifts to Starlight, a young superheroine, auditioning for a role and dealing with the competitive and superficial nature of the industry.
Strengths "The scene effectively combines different genres and tones, creating a memorable and impactful moment. The dialogue between Hughie and Robin showcases their relationship and adds depth to their characters. The shocking twist of Robin's death adds a layer of tragedy and raises the stakes for the story."
Weaknesses "The dialogue in Starlight's audition scene is less impactful and more generic compared to the rest of the scene. The transition between the two storylines could be smoother."

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is highly impactful and emotionally charged, with a shocking twist that leaves a lasting impression on the audience.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of superheroes existing in a world with media and everyday life is intriguing and well-executed.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene revolves around the tragic death of Robin and the introduction of Starlight's audition, both of which are engaging and propel the story forward.

Originality: 5

This scene does not contain any particularly unique situations or fresh approaches to familiar ones. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue is believable and relatable.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters of Hughie, Robin, and Starlight are well-developed and their relationships and emotions are effectively portrayed.

Character Changes: 9

Hughie undergoes a significant character change as he transitions from a playful and carefree attitude to a state of shock and horror after witnessing Robin's death.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to maintain a sense of normalcy and stability in his relationship with Robin, despite the challenges they are facing.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to ask for a raise at work.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is intense and shocking, with the sudden death of Robin and the emotional turmoil experienced by Hughie.

Opposition: 9

The opposition in this scene is strong, as the protagonist faces challenges in his relationship with Robin and the sudden death of Robin by A-Train.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in the scene as it involves the death of a major character and the emotional impact it has on the protagonist.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing the tragic event that sets Hughie on a path of revenge and by introducing Starlight's character and her struggles in the superhero industry.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because it starts as a lighthearted conversation between the protagonist and Robin, but quickly takes a dark turn with the sudden death of Robin. The audience does not expect this event to happen.

Philosophical Conflict: 0

There is no evident philosophical conflict in this scene.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 10

The scene evokes strong emotions, from the playful banter between Hughie and Robin to the shocking and tragic death of Robin.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue between Hughie and Robin showcases their playful banter and later reveals their deep love for each other. However, the dialogue in Starlight's audition scene is more generic and less impactful.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it establishes the relationship between the protagonist and Robin, introduces conflict and tension, and ends with a shocking event that leaves the audience wanting to know what happens next.

Pacing: 7

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and suspense leading up to the shocking event. The rhythm of the dialogue and the use of short, impactful sentences contribute to the scene's effectiveness.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It includes scene headings, character names, dialogue, and action lines.

Structure: 8

The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It begins with an establishing shot, introduces the characters and their goals, and ends with a dramatic event.


Critique
  • The transition from the previous scene to this one is abrupt and could benefit from a smoother transition or establishing shot to set the new location.
  • The dialogue between Hughie and Robin feels natural and shows their comfortable and loving relationship.
  • The sudden and shocking death of Robin is a powerful moment, but the transition from their loving moment to her death feels rushed and could be better paced.
  • The description of A-Train's actions and emotions could be more vivid to enhance the impact of his actions.
  • The scene with Starlight's audition feels disconnected from the previous scene and could benefit from a clearer connection or transition.
  • The description of Starlight's superpower demonstration could be more visually engaging to capture the reader's attention.
  • The scene ends on a cliffhanger with Hughie calling out for Robin, creating suspense and leaving the reader wanting to know what happens next.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a transitional shot or description to smoothly transition from the previous scene to this one.
  • Slow down the pacing between Hughie and Robin's loving moment and Robin's death to allow the emotional impact to fully resonate with the reader.
  • Enhance the description of A-Train's actions and emotions to make his presence and the shock of Robin's death more vivid.
  • Find a stronger connection or transition between the scene with Hughie and Robin and the scene with Starlight's audition to create a more cohesive narrative flow.
  • Revise the description of Starlight's superpower demonstration to make it more visually engaging and captivating.
  • Consider adding a brief resolution or aftermath to Hughie's reaction to Robin's death to provide closure to the scene.
  • Continue the suspense and intrigue by leaving the reader with a strong cliffhanger at the end of the scene.



Scene 3 - Tragedy Strikes
INT. OFFICE BUILDING - CONFERENCE ROOM - DAY
Starlight sits at a POLYGRAPH. Wears sensors. A bland
technician across from her, taking notes. (Fun fact: these
are real questions from CIA employee interviews.)



(CONTINUED)
THE BOYS #101 "Name of the Game" - 10/15/17 (NETWORK DRAFT 6) 8.
CONTINUED:
TECHNICIAN
Have you ever plotted to overthrow
the United States of America?
STARLIGHT
No.
The Technician inspects the answer. Mutters to himself.
Betrays nothing. Starlight starts chewing her thumbnail.
TECHNICIAN
How do you feel when you see a small
animal in distress?
STARLIGHT
Um. Bad.
TECHNICIAN
Did you ever feel sexual urges when
sitting in your parents’ lap?
STARLIGHT
What? No. God. No.
TA
INT. OFFICE BUILDING - AUDITION ROOM - DAY
VIDEO CAMERA POV. Starlight in the midst of an interview.
She speaks with genuine heart.
STARLIGHT
...I was just... like most Super-
Abled, I was born like this. My Mom
was thrilled. She made me go to all
those little miss hero pageants. I
hated it, I can still smell the
U
hairspray. And at the Q and A, they
always asked me my wish. And I
always said, “to save the world.”
The judges chuckled, like it was
cute. But it’s not a joke to me.
Since when did ‘hopeful’ and ‘naive’
become the same thing? Why get into
this business, if not to save the
world? It’s all I’ve ever wanted.
And it’s why all I’ve ever wanted
was to be in the Seven...
Off her pixelated video image...
INT. ROBIN’S PARENTS’ APARTMENT - FEW DAYS LATER
PHOTOS of ROBIN. Surrounded by thick FLOWER ARRANGEMENTS.
A ROOMFUL of somber people in DARK SUITS, eating from small
plates. We notice a WOMAN crying into a MAN’s shoulder.
Robin’s PARENTS. This is the post-funeral reception.
Everyone stands close, united in grief. Except for --


(CONTINUED)
THE BOYS #101 "Name of the Game" - 10/15/17 (NETWORK DRAFT 6) 9.
CONTINUED:
Hughie. Sits in the corner. Alone. In a suit and tie. He
holds a plate with a square of ambrosia Jell-O salad on it.
CLOSE ON HUGHIE. A maelstrom of heartbreak, pain and
emotion, beneath a numb shell. He looks up, sees --
POV. Two CHILDREN in nice clothes, sprawled before the TV.
Watching a “SEVEN” CARTOON. Even here, even now... most
people are FANS...
INT. HUGHIE’S FAMILY APARTMENT - QUEENS - DAY
Hughie returns back to his FAMILY APARTMENT. Tie loosened.
His zaftig MOM follows, along with his wheezing FATHER
(sallow, skinny, rolling an oxygen tank beside him).
Dad thumps on the couch, flips on the TV.
HUGHIE’S MOM
Well, I thought it was a lovely
service. Just lovely.
Hughie. What’s he supposed to say? It was awesome?
TA HUGHIE’S MOM
Did you eat? Can I -- fix you some
pizza rolls?
HUGHIE
...I’m not hungry.
HUGHIE’S MOM
(noticing the TV)
Oh, honey. Look.
U
ON THE SCREEN. Six o’clock news. A PRESS CONFERENCE. A-
TRAIN. Beside VOUGHT VICE-PRESIDENT of HERO MANAGEMENT JULIA
STILLWELL (40’s).
Hughie noticeably flinches at this.
JULIA STILLWELL (ON TV)
...and as you know, A-Train was
placed on standard administrative
leave until the NYPD could conduct
their investigation. Which they’ve
now concluded -- and have ruled no
wrong-doing. But that doesn’t begin
to convey the terrible regret we all
feel at this awful, tragic loss...
A-TRAIN (ON TV)
My deepest condolences to Robin
Ward’s family. I was chasing those
bank robbers... and she just...
stepped into the middle of the
street... and I couldn’t...
A-Train trails off, choked up. Golden Globe-worthy.
(CONTINUED)
THE BOYS #101 "Name of the Game" - 10/15/17 (NETWORK DRAFT 6) 10.
CONTINUED:
Hughie mutters to himself. Devastated.
HUGHIE
Middle of the --? She was a half-
step off the fucking curb.
DING DONG! The door.
Mom swings open the door, revealing a VOUGHT LAWYER -- DOUG
FRIEDMAN. All Clinton-esque, lip-biting sympathy.
DOUG FRIEDMAN
Does a Hugh Campbell live here?
INT. HUGHIE’S FAMILY APARTMENT - MINUTES LATER - NIGHT
A small stack of LEGAL DOCUMENTS on a TABLE. Hughie sits in
front of the lawyer. Scans the papers.
Hughie’s Mom observes. Dad still watches TV in the back,
seemingly catatonic, wheezing through his nose tube.
DOUG FRIEDMAN
TA ...really, everyone at Vought is
just... wrecked about Robin...
(then, as a ‘friend’)
Now. You two weren’t married and --
look, technically there’s no legal
claim. But still, Vought wants to
do the right thing -- offer you 25
thousand in restitution.
HUGHIE’S MOM
(that’s life-changing)
25 thousand!
U
DOUG FRIEDMAN
It’s the least we could do, ma’am.
You just need to sign -- here -- and
I’ll hand over the check --
HUGHIE
(reading, realizing)
But this -- is a confidentiality
agreement.
DOUG FRIEDMAN
It’s a boiler plate NDA --
HUGHIE
I sign this, I can’t talk about it?
Have to pretend it didn’t happen?
That I wasn’t holding Robin’s arms
in my hands?
DOUG FRIEDMAN
I know you’re upset, but we’re just
trying to help --

(CONTINUED)
THE BOYS #101 "Name of the Game" - 10/15/17 (NETWORK DRAFT 6) 11.
CONTINUED:
HUGHIE
Then say you’re sorry --
DOUG FRIEDMAN
Excuse me?
Hughie builds a head of steam --
HUGHIE
You people say ‘condolences’ and ‘my
regrets’ and ‘our sympathies,’ but
no one can look me in the fucking
eye and say “I’m sorry!” I’m not
signing anything! Now get out!
Doug Friedman pauses a beat, unsure. Hughie charges over to
him, ROUGHLY HAULS HIM OUT OF HIS SEAT!
HUGHIE
I said GET THE HELL OUT!
TA SMASH CUT TO:
CLOSE ON HUGHIE. Sitting quietly in his seat. That outburst
was just in his imagination. There’s churning lava deep down
inside him. But he’s not a fighter. Not yet.
DOUG FRIEDMAN
You okay? As I said, a boiler plate
NDA, really pretty standard.
HUGHIE
I’ll think about it.
DOUG FRIEDMAN
U
Hughie --
HUGHIE
Let me think about it.
Beat. Doug Friedman gives a smile. Reads the room.
DOUG FRIEDMAN
I get it. I’ll leave the document,
gimme a ring if you have questions.
(then)
You keep the pen, okay?
The LAWYER hands over a SILVER PEN labeled ‘VOUGHT.’
EXT. SUBURBAN NEIGHBORHOOD - DES MOINES, IOWA - DAY
We soar over countless versions of the same middle class
house. Like some cloning experiment run horrifically amok.
THE BOYS #101 "Name of the Game" - 10/15/17 (NETWORK DRAFT 6) 12.
Genres: ["Superhero","Drama"]

Summary In this scene, Hughie attends Robin's funeral and is approached by a Vought lawyer offering restitution. Hughie is devastated by Robin's death and refuses to sign a confidentiality agreement. The scene also introduces Starlight, a young superheroine, as she undergoes a polygraph test and reflects on her desire to save the world.
Strengths "Strong emotional impact, well-developed characters, compelling concept"
Weaknesses "Some dialogue could be more nuanced"

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene effectively establishes the emotional impact of Robin's death and sets up the conflict between Hughie and Vought. The dialogue and performances are strong, conveying the characters' grief and frustration.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring the darker side of the superhero world and the consequences of their actions is compelling. The scene effectively introduces this concept through the tragic death of Robin and Hughie's confrontation with Vought.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene revolves around Hughie's emotional journey after Robin's death and his refusal to sign the confidentiality agreement. It effectively sets up the conflict between Hughie and Vought.

Originality: 9

This scene demonstrates a level of originality through its fresh approach to the superhero genre. It explores the consequences and moral complexities of having superpowers, as well as the corporate manipulation behind the scenes. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters in the scene, particularly Hughie, Robin, and Starlight, are well-developed and their emotions are portrayed convincingly. Their interactions and reactions drive the emotional impact of the scene.

Character Changes: 8

Hughie undergoes a significant emotional change in the scene, transitioning from shock and numbness to anger and determination. This sets up his character arc for the rest of the story.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to be accepted into the Seven, a group of superheroes. This reflects her deeper desire to save the world and be recognized for her abilities.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to cope with the loss of a loved one and navigate the legal aftermath. This reflects the immediate circumstances and challenges she is facing.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict in the scene arises from Hughie's refusal to sign the confidentiality agreement and his emotional turmoil after Robin's death. It sets up the ongoing conflict between Hughie and Vought.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in this scene is strong as the protagonist faces challenges from both external forces (Vought's legal agreement) and internal conflicts (grief and anger). The audience is unsure of how the protagonist will navigate these obstacles.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in the scene as Hughie grapples with the loss of Robin and the offer of restitution from Vought. His decision to refuse the agreement sets up the potential consequences of his actions.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by establishing the conflict between Hughie and Vought and introducing Starlight as a key character. It also sets up Hughie's motivation for seeking justice.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because it presents unexpected challenges and conflicts for the protagonist, such as the legal agreement and the revelation about the superhero's involvement in the death of a loved one.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

There is a philosophical conflict evident in this scene between the protagonist's belief in the nobility of superheroes and the corporate manipulation and lack of empathy shown by Vought.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, particularly through Hughie's grief and anger. The audience is likely to empathize with his pain and frustration.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the characters' emotions and motivations. It also establishes the superficial nature of the superhero industry through Starlight's monologue.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it introduces conflict, reveals character motivations, and creates emotional stakes for the protagonist.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by balancing moments of tension and emotional depth with quieter moments of reflection.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre, with proper use of action lines, dialogue, and scene transitions.

Structure: 8

The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings and a logical progression of events.


Critique
  • The transition from Starlight's polygraph interview to her audition room interview feels abrupt and could be smoother.
  • The emotional impact of Robin's death on Hughie could be further explored and emphasized.
  • The scene could benefit from more visual descriptions to enhance the reader's understanding of the setting and characters' actions.
  • The dialogue between Hughie and the Vought lawyer could be more intense and emotionally charged to reflect Hughie's grief and anger.
  • The scene could use more subtext and nuance in the interactions between characters to add depth and complexity.
  • The pacing of the scene could be improved by tightening the dialogue and removing any unnecessary exposition.
  • The scene could benefit from more sensory details to immerse the reader in the environment and enhance the emotional impact.
  • The transition between locations could be smoother and more seamless to avoid any jarring shifts in tone or atmosphere.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a transitional element between Starlight's polygraph interview and her audition room interview to create a smoother flow.
  • Explore Hughie's emotional journey more deeply and show the impact of Robin's death on his character.
  • Add more visual descriptions to enhance the reader's understanding of the setting and characters' actions.
  • Revise the dialogue between Hughie and the Vought lawyer to make it more intense and emotionally charged.
  • Add subtext and nuance to the interactions between characters to add depth and complexity.
  • Review the dialogue and remove any unnecessary exposition to improve the pacing of the scene.
  • Incorporate more sensory details to immerse the reader in the environment and enhance the emotional impact.
  • Refine the transitions between locations to create a smoother and more seamless flow.



Scene 4 - Tragedy Strikes
INT. SUBURBAN HOUSE - DAY
OPEN ON A BOOKCASE. Loaded with TROPHIES. RIBBONS. “LITTLE
MISS SUPERSTAR - 1st PLACE.” “SWEET CORN FESTIVAL & 5K RUN -
BEST OVERALL POWERS.” Etc. Along with a crowd of photos --
of a heavily made-up, Jon Benet-style Starlight, ages 4 thru
10, always jauntily posing, hands-on-hips, wearing a kid-
sized, homemade version of her outfit.
A shrine to a Mother’s pride in her daughter.
In the adjacent kitchen -- Starlight herself, in her grown-up
Superhero outfit, pours some Kraft Shells and Cheese into a
pot. Keeps one ear on a POLICE SCANNER, which babbles on
about some local loitering and a nasty rash of graffiti.
Her Mother enters -- listens briefly to the scanner --
STARLIGHT’S MOTHER
Any maniacs out there?
STARLIGHT
Quiet night. Like every night.
TA STARLIGHT’S MOTHER
Too bad. We could use the press
right now.
(sees the pot, clucks)
Oh, Annie, could you pack any more
carbs into that?
Apparently, Annie is her ‘secret identity’ name.
STARLIGHT
I’m hungry, Mother. And would you
U
relax? I didn’t get the job.
STARLIGHT’S MOTHER
You don’t know that, you’re better
than all of them.
When -- RING. RING. The phone. Mom goes to answer.
STARLIGHT
They’re auditioning nation-wide.
Besides, Countess probably got it,
she’s really good in a room.
STARLIGHT’S MOTHER
If you’re negative, negative things
happen to you.
(picks up phone)
Hello? Um, I’m her Mother. Yes,
yes, one moment.
Mom holds out the phone, on pins and needles. Mouths “it’s
them!” Starlight can’t help but feel a stab of butterflies.
Moves for the phone.

(CONTINUED)
THE BOYS #101 "Name of the Game" - 10/15/17 (NETWORK DRAFT 6) 13.
CONTINUED:
STARLIGHT
Hello? Yes, this is she.
(then)
I -- got it? I GOT IT?!
STARLIGHT’S MOTHER
YOU GOT IT!! YOU GOT IT!!
Off this rambunctious, unbridled maternal ECSTASY --
INT. ROBIN’S PARENTS’ APARTMENT - NIGHT
OPEN ON A FRAMED PHOTO in a much less happy home. ROBIN
beaming beside her loving PARENTS.
WIDER. Hughie sits at their kitchen table. Awkwardly
shuffles notes and papers.
In front of Robin’s Mom and Dad. Mom, red-rimmed eyes, only
stares down at her folded hands. Dad also averts eye
contact, impatiently taps his wedding ring onto his beer
bottle throughout. Clink. Clink.
TA HUGHIE
...so we can’t file criminal charges
against A-Train. Heroes are like
cops, they can’t be charged for
collateral damage while in pursuit.
Robin’s Mom wipes away a tear. This is all a painful
subject. Hughie continues --
HUGHIE
But -- but -- we can still file a
civil suit. I found a lawyer --
U
he’ll work on percentage, won’t even
charge us unless we win --
ROBIN’S DAD
Hughie --
HUGHIE
I just need you to jump in -- I’m
not family, I can’t really sue by
myself. But --
ROBIN’S DAD
Hughie. Stop. We’re not suing
anybody.
HUGHIE
What? Why not?
ROBIN’S DAD
There’s no case. She was in the
street. It’s the same as if she jay-
walked and a bus hit her.


(CONTINUED)
THE BOYS #101 "Name of the Game" - 10/15/17 (NETWORK DRAFT 6) 14.
CONTINUED:
HUGHIE
She was a half-step off the curb!
Then Hughie spots it. On the table, right in front of the
parents: another SILVER ‘VOUGHT’ PEN. The truth falls on
Hughie like a ton of bricks.
HUGHIE
Wait, were they -- did you sign?
(silence speaks volumes)
You took their money? Gene?
Dad stops clinking the beer bottle. Searches Hughie’s face.
ROBIN’S DAD
How long have I known you, Hughie?
HUGHIE
Since -- Robin and me were in high
school.
ROBIN’S DAD
Prom night, actually. We met you,
in that tux two sizes too big -- and
TA
there are some kids who just have
that go-getter spark in their eye.
(then)
You were not one of those kids.
(glancing at his wife)
I’d say to her all the time, didn’t
I? What’s Robin see in him? Got no
drive, no fire, no fight. Boy
doesn’t give a shit about anything.
HUGHIE
U
I cared about your daughter. I’m
trying to fight now.
ROBIN’S DAD
(raw)
Too late. She’s dead. And you
wanna drag out some court case? So
we can relive her death?
(hand on his wife)
Yeah, we took the fucking money.
And now we wanna -- try to -- put it
all behind us.
HUGHIE
So what? A-Train just gets away
with this?
ROBIN’S DAD
There’s no case, she was in the
street! You let her step into the
street. It’s not A-Train we blame.
Off Hughie, as if absorbing a palpable body blow...
THE BOYS #101 "Name of the Game" - 10/15/17 (NETWORK DRAFT 6) 15.


EXT. NEW YORK STREET - NIGHT
Hughie. Walking down the street. Despondent. Listening to
a MESSAGE on his CELL --
DOUG FRIEDMAN (ON PHONE)
Hugh, this is Doug Friedman from
Vought, just checking in. Look, I
know the money can never make up for
losing Robin. But we can make
things a little easier for your
family, if you’d --
Hughie CLICKS it off. Then strangely, we CUT TO --
A STILL CAMERA POV. From inside a car. SNAPPING PICS of
Hughie. Clickclickclickclick. As he enters a bodega.
Who’s taking pictures? Off this mystery --
INT. NEW YORK BODEGA - NIGHT
A SIXER of BUD LIGHT. Pulled from the fridge case by Hughie.
TA
He’s on edge.
An edge he goes plummeting right over when --
He pivots in the cramped aisle. Coming face to face with A-
Train! Even worse, a DOZEN A-TRAINS! Side by side!
It’s a magazine rack. A-Train on the cover of US WEEKLY. He
smiles, hugging a chirpy BALD CANCER KID beneath the headline
“MAKING WISHES COME TRUE.”
Hughie, breathing shallow, backs away. Bumping against an
U
entire row of CEREAL. Box drops, Hughie looks.
Delicious FROSTED A-TRAINS. A whole fucking ROW of them.
WIDE ANGLE. Hughie. Spinning. Drowning. Now sees -- A-
Train on CANS of MONSTER ENERGY DRINK.
On a CARDBOARD CUT-OUT at the aisle’s end, cerveza in hand --
‘A-TRAIN CELEBRA CINCO DE MAYO.’
A-Train, A-Train, A-Train, A-Train.
The guy murdered the love of Hughie’s life. And everyone
idolizes the asshole.
Hughie’s chest is heaving now. He slides to the floor, back
against the wall. We leave him there -- in the throes of a
full blown PTSD PANIC ATTACK.
Genres: ["Superhero","Drama"]

Summary In this scene, Hughie attends Robin's funeral and is approached by a Vought lawyer offering restitution. Hughie is devastated by Robin's death and refuses to sign a confidentiality agreement. The scene also introduces Starlight, a young superheroine, as she undergoes a polygraph test and reflects on her desire to save the world.
Strengths "Strong emotional impact, well-developed characters, effective dialogue"
Weaknesses "None apparent"

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene effectively establishes the emotional stakes and conflict, and introduces compelling characters. The dialogue is impactful and the theme of loss and resilience is explored effectively.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring the consequences of superhero actions and the superficiality of the industry is intriguing and thought-provoking.

Plot: 9

The plot of the scene revolves around the aftermath of Robin's death and Hughie's refusal to accept a settlement. It effectively sets up the conflict and emotional journey for the characters.

Originality: 6

The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While the concept of a beauty pageant contestant and a superhero auditioning for a job is not entirely unique, the specific details and interactions between the characters add freshness to the familiar situations. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue also contributes to the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed and their emotions and motivations are clearly portrayed. The scene establishes a strong connection between the audience and the characters.

Character Changes: 9

Hughie undergoes a significant character change as he refuses to accept the settlement and decides to fight for justice. This sets up his character arc for the rest of the story.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to prove herself and gain recognition for her talent. This reflects her deeper need for validation and success.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to find out if she got a job or not. This reflects the immediate circumstances and challenges she's facing in her career.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between seeking justice for Robin's death and moving on is central to the scene. It creates tension and emotional stakes.

Opposition: 9

The opposition in this scene is strong, as the protagonist faces obstacles and challenges that are difficult to overcome. The audience is unsure of how the situation will unfold.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high as the characters grapple with the loss of a loved one and the decision to seek justice or move on.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by establishing the emotional stakes and conflicts for the characters, and introducing Starlight's storyline.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because it introduces unexpected obstacles and challenges for the protagonist, such as not getting the job and the revelation about the parents taking money. These elements keep the audience guessing about what will happen next.

Philosophical Conflict: 0

There is no evident philosophical conflict in this scene.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 10

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking shock, horror, and devastation in the audience.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is impactful and reveals the emotions and conflicts of the characters. It effectively conveys the tone and themes of the scene.

Engagement: 8

This scene is engaging because it introduces conflicts and raises questions that make the audience want to know what will happen next. The dialogue and actions of the characters also create tension and emotional investment.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by balancing moments of tension and emotional intensity with moments of reflection and introspection. This creates a rhythm that keeps the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It includes scene headings, character names, dialogue, and action lines.

Structure: 9

The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It begins with a description of the setting, introduces the characters, and progresses through their dialogue and actions.


Critique
  • The scene starts with a description of the bookcase and photos, which sets the stage for Starlight's background and her mother's pride. However, the description could be more concise and focused on the most important details.
  • The dialogue between Starlight and her mother feels natural and reveals their relationship dynamics. However, some of the dialogue could be trimmed to make it more concise and impactful.
  • The transition from Starlight's kitchen to Robin's parents' apartment feels abrupt and could be smoother. It would be helpful to have a clearer indication of the change in location and time.
  • The conversation between Hughie and Robin's parents is emotionally charged and reveals their conflicting views on taking legal action. However, the dialogue could be more nuanced and explore the characters' emotions in greater depth.
  • The scene ends with Hughie feeling defeated and walking down the street, which effectively conveys his emotional state. However, the transition between scenes could be smoother to create a stronger sense of continuity.
  • The scene could benefit from more visual elements and actions to enhance the storytelling and create a more immersive experience for the reader.
  • The pacing of the scene could be improved by tightening the dialogue and focusing on the most essential information and character interactions.
Suggestions
  • Condense the description of the bookcase and photos to focus on the most important details that reveal Starlight's background and her mother's pride.
  • Trim the dialogue between Starlight and her mother to make it more concise and impactful.
  • Smoothly transition between Starlight's kitchen and Robin's parents' apartment to create a clearer sense of location and time.
  • Explore the characters' emotions in greater depth during the conversation between Hughie and Robin's parents to add nuance and complexity.
  • Improve the transition between scenes to create a stronger sense of continuity and flow.
  • Include more visual elements and actions to enhance the storytelling and create a more immersive experience for the reader.
  • Tighten the dialogue and focus on the most essential information and character interactions to improve the pacing of the scene.



Scene 5 - The World of Superheroes
EXT. THE SEVEN TOWER - NEW YORK CITY - MORNING
PAN DOWN off the gleaming, sky-scraping, futuristic SEVEN
TOWER. To find --

(CONTINUED)
THE BOYS #101 "Name of the Game" - 10/15/17 (NETWORK DRAFT 6) 16.
CONTINUED:
A LIMO PULLS UP. A ‘Vought’ PAGE opens the door for --
Starlight. Followed by her Mother. They gape up at the
Tower. At the CROWD of SCREAMING FANS behind the ropes. A
GROUP OF MEN and WOMEN APPROACH -- Starlight’s ENTOURAGE --
ASHLEY
Hi. I’m Ashley, I’m your publicist.
STARLIGHT’S MOTHER
(holy shit!)
A publicist.
STARLIGHT
Hi. Hello.
ASHLEY
This is Rachel, hair and make-up.
Luis is your stylist. Dan and Rich,
they’re from your marketing and
social media teams. Amy’s your PA,
you need anything, you ask her. You
two thirsty? Amy!
TA STARLIGHT
(to the group)
I’m -- hi. No, we’re good.
ASHLEY
Well, Amy’s gonna get your Mom to
her seat, but you, you’re with me,
we’re gonna be late!
Starlight is dizzy already. A heady whirlwind of glamor.
Waves happily at her Mother as she’s whisked away.
U
INT. THE SEVEN TOWER - AUDITORIUM - DAY
Starlight’s Mother, awed, takes her VIP front row seat among
a packed HOUSE of INVESTORS.
A SPOTLIGHT illuminates Vice-President of Hero Management
Julia Stillwell. Confident. Gregarious.
She pitches the crowd before a stage-wide video screen --
‘VOUGHT INTERNATIONAL: 2017 ANNUAL MEETING OF SHAREHOLDERS.’
Along with alternating images of their various projects.
Movie Posters. Theme Parks. Toys. Cartoons. Vought makes
Marvel look like a corn-studded piece of shit.
JULIA STILLWELL
...net income is up 14 percent,
our latest film “G-Men: World War”
grossed just shy of 1.7 billion
world-wide. This fall we break
ground on our newest theme park
outside of Paris. Our branding
opportunities are limitless.
(MORE)
(CONTINUED)
THE BOYS #101 "Name of the Game" - 10/15/17 (NETWORK DRAFT 6) 17.
CONTINUED:
JULIA STILLWELL (CONT'D)
It’s a good time to be in the
Superhero Business.
The crowd applauds -- Julia holds up her hand, goes sincere --
JULIA STILLWELL
But as we all know, none of that
matters. Because job one? Is
managing, supporting, and advising
the brave heroes who put themselves
in harm’s way each and every day.
For us. Take a look.
The spotlight snuffs out. Inspirational music swells, as a
slickly packaged P.R. video begins on the huge screen. TOMMY
LEE JONES got paid a shit-ton to narrate.
TOMMY LEE JONES (V.O.)
Vought International. Handling the
Business of Superheroes, so
Superheroes can handle their
Business...
INT. THE SEVEN TOWER - ELEVATOR - DAY
TA
Starlight. Flanked by her team. Crowded elevator going up,
up and away. Make-up artist primps Starlight on the fly.
ASHLEY
You know, you’re doing really great
so far...
STARLIGHT
I haven’t done anything yet.
U
ASHLEY
Exactly. And you’re already up 2
and a half points with Midwesterners
and Conservative Christians in 18 to
49. I saw your audition, by the
way. The ‘saving the world’ thing.
Really brilliant.
STARLIGHT
I meant it.
ASHLEY
That’s why we love you. So. You
ready for your life to change?
Starlight’s overwhelmed but elated. Yeah. She thinks so.
Genres: ["Superhero","Drama"]

Summary The scene introduces the world of superheroes and their popularity through various media platforms. It focuses on the character Hughie, a tech virtuoso, who sells security cameras to a busy mom. The scene also establishes the relationship between Hughie and Robin, showcasing their playful banter. Suddenly, Robin is brutally killed by A-Train, a super-fast hero who runs through her. Hughie is left in shock and horror, holding Robin's detached hands. The scene then shifts to Starlight, a young superheroine, auditioning for a role and dealing with the competitive and superficial nature of the industry.
Strengths
  • Strong emotional impact
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Well-developed characters
  • Effective introduction of the superhero world
Weaknesses

    Ratings
    Overall

    Overall: 9

    The scene effectively introduces the world of superheroes and establishes a strong emotional impact through the brutal death of a character. The shift in focus to Starlight adds depth to the story and explores the theme of the competitive nature of the industry. The scene is well-written and engaging.


    Story Content

    Concept: 8

    The concept of a world where superheroes are popular and have a significant impact on media is intriguing. The scene effectively introduces this concept and explores the consequences of living in such a world.

    Plot: 9

    The plot of the scene is well-structured and engaging. It introduces the conflict between Hughie and A-Train, as well as the internal conflict faced by Starlight. The scene moves the story forward and sets up future events.

    Originality: 6

    The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While the concept of a superhero navigating the world of fame and celebrity is not entirely unique, the specific details and interactions in this scene feel fresh and authentic. The characters' actions and dialogue reflect the realities of the entertainment industry and the challenges faced by new celebrities.


    Character Development

    Characters: 9

    The characters in the scene are well-developed and their relationships are established effectively. Hughie's devastation and Robin's death evoke strong emotions, while Starlight's ambition and desire to save the world add depth to her character.

    Character Changes: 9

    The death of Robin brings about a significant change in Hughie's character, as he is left devastated and determined to seek justice. Starlight also experiences a change in her perspective as she navigates the competitive industry.

    Internal Goal: 8

    The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to navigate the overwhelming and unfamiliar world of fame and celebrity. This reflects her deeper need for validation, acceptance, and success.

    External Goal: 7

    The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to make a good impression at the annual meeting of shareholders for Vought International. This reflects the immediate circumstances and challenges she is facing as a new superhero trying to establish herself in the industry.


    Scene Elements

    Conflict Level: 9

    The scene contains both external conflict, with Robin's brutal death, and internal conflict, with Starlight's struggle in the competitive industry. The conflict is intense and drives the story forward.

    Opposition: 7

    The opposition in this scene is relatively strong, as the protagonist is faced with the pressure to make a good impression and navigate the unfamiliar world of fame and celebrity. The audience is unsure of how she will handle these challenges.

    High Stakes: 9

    The stakes are high in the scene, with the brutal death of Robin and the potential consequences faced by Hughie and Starlight. The scene establishes the dangers and challenges of living in a world of superheroes.

    Story Forward: 9

    The scene moves the story forward by introducing key conflicts and establishing the motivations of the characters. It sets up future events and adds depth to the overall narrative.

    Unpredictability: 6

    This scene is somewhat unpredictable because it introduces the protagonist to a new and unfamiliar world, creating a sense of uncertainty and potential conflict. However, the overall direction of the scene is still relatively clear.

    Philosophical Conflict: 0

    There is no evident philosophical conflict in this scene.


    Audience Engagement

    Emotional Impact: 10

    The scene evokes strong emotions, particularly through the devastating death of Robin. The shock and horror experienced by Hughie and the overwhelming elation of Starlight add to the emotional impact.

    Dialogue: 8

    The dialogue in the scene is natural and engaging. It effectively showcases the playful banter between Hughie and Robin, as well as the professional interactions between Starlight and her team.

    Engagement: 8

    This scene is engaging because it introduces the protagonist's goals and the challenges she faces in a fast-paced and visually descriptive way. The dialogue and interactions between characters create a sense of anticipation and curiosity.

    Pacing: 9

    The pacing of this scene contributes to its effectiveness by maintaining a fast and energetic rhythm. The quick dialogue exchanges and descriptive language create a sense of urgency and excitement.


    Technical Aspect

    Formatting: 9

    The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It uses proper scene headings, action lines, and dialogue formatting.

    Structure: 9

    The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It begins with an establishing shot, introduces the characters and their goals, and progresses the action through dialogue and scene direction.


    Critique
    • The scene could benefit from more specific and vivid descriptions of the setting and characters' actions.
    • The dialogue between Starlight and Ashley feels a bit generic and could be more engaging.
    • The emotional tone of the scene could be heightened by showing Starlight's internal thoughts and feelings.
    • The scene lacks a clear conflict or resolution, which could make it feel less impactful.
    • The visual elements in the scene, such as the Seven Tower and the P.R. video, could be described in more detail to create a stronger visual impact.
    • The scene could benefit from more dynamic and engaging interactions between the characters.
    Suggestions
    • Add specific details about the Seven Tower, such as its futuristic design and the bustling crowd of fans, to create a more vivid setting.
    • Develop the dialogue between Starlight and Ashley to make it more unique and reflective of their personalities.
    • Include internal thoughts and emotions from Starlight to give the audience a deeper understanding of her experience.
    • Introduce a conflict or obstacle for Starlight to overcome in this scene, such as a disagreement with her team or a personal doubt, and resolve it to create a stronger narrative arc.
    • Provide more detailed descriptions of the visual elements in the scene, such as the P.R. video and the elevator, to enhance the visual impact.
    • Create more dynamic interactions between the characters by adding gestures, facial expressions, or small actions that reveal their personalities and relationships.



    Scene 6 - The Seven and Starlight
    INT. THE SEVEN TOWER - AUDITORIUM - DAY
    The video continues. Classy Ken Burns style visuals. First,
    we see black and white photos of a Captain America-like hero
    named SOLDIER BOY.


    (CONTINUED)
    THE BOYS #101 "Name of the Game" - 10/15/17 (NETWORK DRAFT 6) 18.
    CONTINUED:
    TOMMY LEE JONES (V.O.)
    ...1944. Soldier Boy. The first
    Superpowered human. To be followed
    by more. Dozens more. Men and
    women born -- blessed -- with
    extraordinary genetic abilities.
    Jonas Salk famously called them ‘a
    leap forward in evolution.’ No
    one’s quite sure why it happened,
    but thank God it did.
    Multiple IMAGES of HEROES flit past.
    TOMMY LEE JONES (V.O.)
    Until, of course, the apex. The
    pinnacle. The formation of the most
    popular Superhero Team the world’s
    ever seen. THE SEVEN.
    (crowd goes wild)
    Led by -- not just a hero -- but an
    American institution. As powerful
    as he is humble. Ladies and
    gentlemen -- the HOMELANDER.
    TA
    Now the crowd goes WILD. As a SPOTLIGHT appears in the
    center of stage -- revealing the HOMELANDER. Live and in the
    flesh! Giving an aw-shucks wave.
    TOMMY LEE JONES (V.O.)
    And please welcome the rest of the
    Seven! QUEEN MAEVE. BLACK NOIR.
    THE DEEP. A-TRAIN. TRANSLUCENT.
    Spotlights BLAZE ON beside the Homelander. Introducing each
    hero, in person. (Translucent is negative space in a suit --
    U
    an invisible man).
    CLOSE ON STARLIGHT. Being shuffled out onto the stage by a
    STAGE MANAGER. In shadow. Her moment’s about to come...
    IN THE CROWD. Her Mother’s as nervous as she is.
    TOMMY LEE JONES (V.O.)
    And finally -- unless you live under
    a rock, you’ve heard that after a
    long, distinguished career with the
    Seven, the Lamplighter has retired.
    A grateful nation bids him a fond
    farewell.
    Adoring images of THE LAMPLIGHTER, along with Marines
    saluting and children beaming their ‘thank you’s.’
    TOMMY LEE JONES (V.O.)
    But now -- as we turn towards the
    future -- we introduce the newest
    member of the Seven. Please welcome
    -- STARLIGHT.

    (CONTINUED)
    THE BOYS #101 "Name of the Game" - 10/15/17 (NETWORK DRAFT 6) 19.
    CONTINUED: (2)
    The WHITE HOT SPOTLIGHT SNAPS onto Starlight. She smiles,
    jittery, waves. Drinks in the crashing waves of applause.
    Beside all of her idols. Locks eyes with --
    IN THE CROWD. Her Mother. This is literally the single best
    moment of Mom’s life.
    JULIA STILLWELL
    (stepping out)
    The Seven, ladies and gentlemen!
    How about ‘em!?
    The thunderous clapping continues, as well as a universe of
    iPhone flashbulbs. Starlight can’t help but steal glances at
    the Homelander. The Deep leans over, whispers to her,
    charming, disarming.
    DEEP
    (re: Homelander)
    I know. It’s kinda like sharing a
    stage with God, right? But you
    wanna know something? He chews with
    his mouth open. Spits little bits
    of salad right at you.
    TA
    Starlight smiles at the Deep.
    all this back down to earth.
    Grateful to have someone bring

    STARLIGHT
    I just -- I mean -- I can’t believe
    I’m really here.
    DEEP
    Hey. You’re here because you’re
    meant to be here.
    U
    STARLIGHT
    ...thank you.
    DEEP
    (warm empathy)
    Look, I remember my first day, it’s
    a lot to take in. But we’ll show
    you the ropes.
    Starlight nods at him, grateful. Turns back to twinkling
    flashbulbs and raw, uncut adoration. This is all of her
    wildest, most secret dreams come true... off this...
    EXT. BRYMAN AUDIO VISUAL - NIGHT
    POV. From across the street. We see Hughie, through the
    window, downcast as he upsells some equipment.
    REVEAL -- we’re in a boat of a Cadillac. Behind the wheel --
    A black-trench-coated MAN. This is BILLY BUTCHER (40).


    (CONTINUED)
    THE BOYS #101 "Name of the Game" - 10/15/17 (NETWORK DRAFT 6) 20.
    CONTINUED:
    Enigmatic, he reaches into his GLOVE COMPARTMENT. Tugs out a
    CIGAR BOX. Opens it, revealing --
    A PILE of FAKE IDENTIFICATION CARDS. All with his picture.
    NYPD, FDNY, NSA, DEA, ATF, DHS, some foreign CARDS. He
    shuffles through them, before choosing an FBI ID. Perfect.
    Goes without saying -- who the HOLY FUCK is Butcher?
    INT. BRYMAN AUDIO VISUAL - NIGHT
    A TELEVISION SCREEN. ACCESS HOLLYWOOD. Some b-roll footage
    of Starlight, waving shy to the crowd at the Vought
    stockholder meeting.
    NATALIE MORALES (V.O.)
    ...and how does newest Seven member
    Starlight keep her beach-ready bod?
    The answer might surprise you...
    Hughie. Before a CUSTOMER. He doesn’t notice the TV --
    HUGHIE
    TA
    ...no, you want the carbon cables.
    Cost more, but they conduct
    electricity way better --
    When the BELL over the door RINGS. Hughie jerks his head up,
    illogically hoping against hope that Robin walks through the
    door. Of course, she doesn’t. Instead, he spots --
    Butcher. Strolling in. He inspects a section of NANNY-CAMS.
    Hughie steps up --
    HUGHIE
    U
    You interested in a nanny cam?
    We’re running a special on Vimtag...
    Butcher looks up. He’s got a blue collar BRITISH ACCENT. A
    lot like Michael Caine.
    BUTCHER
    Tell me. How many nannies go around
    shakin’ their babies, d’you reckon?
    HUGHIE
    Sorry?
    BUTCHER
    A good, hard shake. Like trynna get
    ketchup out of a bottle. 1 percent?
    Less?
    HUGHIE
    Uh, I -- I really don’t know.




    (CONTINUED)
    THE BOYS #101 "Name of the Game" - 10/15/17 (NETWORK DRAFT 6) 21.
    CONTINUED:
    BUTCHER
    But they sell a coupla billion
    dollars worth of this shit
    worldwide.
    (smirks at Hughie)
    Goes to show. The bollocks you can
    make people swallow, if you get ‘em
    scared enough.
    HUGHIE
    (long beat)
    Okay. Is there anything I can help
    you with?
    BUTCHER
    I’m not gonna piss you about,
    Hughie. I know what happened to
    Robin. Fuckin’ diabolical.
    HUGHIE
    I’m sorry, who are you?
    BUTCHER
    She wasn’t in the street. She was
    TA
    one step off the fuckin’ curb. And
    you didn’t take the pay-off.
    Respect that.
    HUGHIE
    (upset now)
    I said who the hell are you? How do
    you know that?
    BUTCHER
    Butcher’s the name. People call me
    U
    Billy. I was thinkin’ we could have
    a bit of a chat?
    Genres: ["Superhero","Drama"]

    Summary This scene introduces the world of superheroes and their popularity through various media platforms. It focuses on the character Hughie, who attends his girlfriend Robin's funeral and is approached by a Vought lawyer offering restitution. Hughie is devastated by Robin's death and refuses to sign a confidentiality agreement. The scene also introduces Starlight, a young superheroine, as she undergoes a polygraph test and reflects on her desire to save the world.
    Strengths "The scene effectively establishes the emotional impact of Robin's death, introduces compelling characters, and sets up future conflicts and character arcs."
    Weaknesses "The scene could benefit from further exploration of the superhero industry and the consequences of superpowers on society."

    Ratings
    Overall

    Overall: 9

    The scene effectively establishes the emotional impact of Robin's death and sets up the conflict between Hughie and Vought. It also introduces an intriguing new character in Starlight and explores themes of loss, justice, and the desire to make a difference.


    Story Content

    Concept: 8

    The concept of a world with superheroes and the complex dynamics between ordinary people and superpowered individuals is compelling. The scene effectively introduces the audience to this concept and sets up the conflicts and motivations of the characters.

    Plot: 9

    The plot of the scene revolves around Hughie's grief and refusal to sign the confidentiality agreement, as well as Starlight's introduction to the superhero industry. These plot elements are engaging and set up future conflicts and character arcs.

    Originality: 6

    The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While the concept of superheroes and their popularity is familiar, the specific details and interactions between the characters bring a fresh approach to the genre. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality.


    Character Development

    Characters: 9

    The characters in this scene are well-developed and their emotions and motivations are effectively conveyed. Hughie's devastation and refusal to accept a payoff demonstrate his integrity, while Starlight's desire to save the world and her interaction with the Deep showcase her determination and vulnerability.

    Character Changes: 8

    Hughie experiences a significant change in this scene, as he goes from a state of shock and grief to a resolute refusal to accept a payoff. This change sets up his character arc and future conflicts. Starlight's character is also introduced with hints of her desire for change and making a difference.

    Internal Goal: 8

    The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to feel accepted and validated as a member of the Seven. This reflects her deeper need for recognition and belonging.

    External Goal: 7

    The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to navigate her first day as a member of the Seven and learn the ropes of being a superhero. This reflects the immediate circumstances and challenges she's facing as a new member of the team.


    Scene Elements

    Conflict Level: 8

    The conflict in this scene is primarily internal, as Hughie grapples with his grief and refusal to sign the confidentiality agreement. There is also an external conflict between Hughie and the Vought lawyer. Additionally, Starlight's internal conflict is introduced as she reflects on her desire to save the world.

    Opposition: 7

    The opposition in this scene is moderate, as the protagonist faces the challenge of fitting in and learning the ropes of being a superhero. The audience is unsure of how she will navigate these challenges.

    High Stakes: 8

    The stakes in this scene are high, as Hughie grapples with the loss of his girlfriend and the opportunity for restitution. The introduction of Starlight also raises the stakes for her as she enters the competitive and superficial world of superheroes.

    Story Forward: 9

    The scene moves the story forward by establishing the conflicts and motivations of the characters. It sets up future conflicts between Hughie and Vought, as well as Starlight's journey in the superhero industry.

    Unpredictability: 6

    This scene is somewhat unpredictable because it introduces new characters and hints at potential conflicts and challenges for the protagonist.

    Philosophical Conflict: 0

    There is no evident philosophical conflict in this scene.


    Audience Engagement

    Emotional Impact: 9

    The scene has a high emotional impact, as it deals with the devastating loss of Robin and Hughie's grief. The audience is also introduced to Starlight's vulnerability and determination, evoking empathy and anticipation for her character arc.

    Dialogue: 8

    The dialogue in this scene effectively conveys the emotions and motivations of the characters. The conversation between Hughie and the Vought lawyer, as well as the interaction between Starlight and the Deep, provide insight into their respective conflicts and desires.

    Engagement: 9

    This scene is engaging because it introduces the protagonist's aspirations and the world of superheroes, creating anticipation for future events and conflicts.

    Pacing: 8

    The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by gradually building anticipation and excitement through the introduction of the superheroes and the protagonist's moment on stage.


    Technical Aspect

    Formatting: 8

    The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It uses proper scene headings, action lines, and dialogue formatting.

    Structure: 9

    The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It introduces the setting, characters, and their goals, and sets up future conflicts and developments.


    Critique
    • The scene starts with a video presentation that provides background information about superheroes and the Seven. While this information is important, it feels like an info dump and could be presented in a more engaging way.
    • The introduction of Starlight onto the stage lacks tension and conflict. It would be more interesting if there was some kind of obstacle or challenge she had to overcome to prove herself as a member of the Seven.
    • The dialogue between Starlight and the Deep feels forced and unnatural. It would be more effective if their conversation revealed more about their characters or the dynamics within the Seven.
    • The scene ends abruptly without a clear resolution or transition to the next scene. It would be helpful to have a clearer sense of what comes next for Starlight and how this scene connects to the larger story.
    • There is a missed opportunity to explore the emotional impact of this moment for Starlight. It would be beneficial to delve deeper into her thoughts and feelings about achieving her dream of becoming a member of the Seven.
    Suggestions
    • Consider incorporating the video presentation in a more visually engaging way, such as using animation or archival footage.
    • Introduce a conflict or challenge for Starlight to overcome during her introduction to the stage, which could create more tension and make her achievement more meaningful.
    • Revise the dialogue between Starlight and the Deep to make it more natural and revealing of their characters or the dynamics within the Seven.
    • Provide a clearer resolution or transition at the end of the scene to connect it to the next scene and maintain the flow of the story.
    • Explore Starlight's thoughts and emotions more deeply to highlight the significance of this moment for her.



    Scene 7 - The Funeral and the Offer
    EXT. TIMES SQUARE - NIGHT
    OPEN ON: the FBI CARD. Hughie inspects it --
    Hughie. Butcher. Pass more and more pedestrians, as they
    near the neon atomic blast of Times Square...
    HUGHIE
    You’re a Fed? You don’t sound like
    a Fed.
    BUTCHER
    I can’t fuckin’ immigrate? There’s
    a big green crumpet out in the
    harbor that says different.
    HUGHIE
    You don’t look like one, either.
    BUTCHER
    Oh? What do I look like?
    (CONTINUED)
    THE BOYS #101 "Name of the Game" - 10/15/17 (NETWORK DRAFT 6) 22.
    CONTINUED:
    HUGHIE
    Like a Columbine shooter.
    Butcher smirks. Hughie’s got spark. He nods at the ID,
    which we know is fake --
    BUTCHER
    Well, it’s right there in black an’
    white. But if you wanna give a
    looksie up me bum to be sure, you go
    right ahead.
    HUGHIE
    Um. So what, exactly, can I do for
    you?
    BUTCHER
    It’s what I can do for you, my son.
    Help you get payback for yer girl.
    (off Hughie)
    You ain’t alone, Hughie, happens a
    lot more than you think. Supes lose
    over a hundred people a year to
    collateral damage --
    TA HUGHIE
    That can’t be true.
    (off Butcher)
    That’s true?
    BUTCHER
    It’s not that they ain’t strong,
    it’s that they don’t care. We’re
    just ants to them.
    U
    HUGHIE
    C’mon. It’d be all over the news,
    people’d be screaming bloody murder.
    BUTCHER
    Might be the odd mention now an’
    again, like with Robin. But there’s
    a lot more they don’t tell you --
    that gets swept under the rug --
    HUGHIE
    Why?
    BUTCHER
    It ain’t obvious?
    He holds his hand out.
    WIDE SHOT. TIMES SQUARE. 50 foot high SCREENS: a shirtless,
    Wahlberg-esque HERO reclines in his Calvin Klein tighty-
    whiteys. A-Train in a NIKE SHOE spot. A MOVIE: “Tek-Knight
    Begins.” The VOUGHT STORE. Tourists take their photos with
    cardboard hero cut-outs. Superheroes are inescapable --
    pretty much like the actual Times Square.
    (CONTINUED)
    THE BOYS #101 "Name of the Game" - 10/15/17 (NETWORK DRAFT 6) 23.
    CONTINUED: (2)
    BUTCHER
    The movie tickets, an’ the
    lobbyists, an’ the fuckin’ shoes.
    But mostly, people like that cozy
    feeling Supes give ‘em. You got
    someone to swoop in and save the day
    for you, then you don’t gotta do it
    yourself.
    (then)
    But you don’t know half the shit
    they’re up to. It’d curl your hair
    and straighten your curlies. But
    that’s where I come in.
    HUGHIE
    Come in... to do what?
    BUTCHER
    Spank the bastards, they ever step
    too far outta line.
    HUGHIE
    How do you spank a Supe?
    TA BUTCHER
    Ways an’ means. You don’t need a
    fuckin’ glowy green rock to find
    someone’s weakness. C’mon.
    HUGHIE
    Where?
    BUTCHER
    You’ll love it.
    U
    HUGHIE
    Hold on.
    (Butcher stops)
    Thank you for an extremely... weird
    conversation. But I’m not sure what
    this is... and I think I should
    probably get back.
    BUTCHER
    Mate. Once I go, I’m gone. This is
    your one an’ only. Besides, what’ve
    you got to lose, you ain’t already
    lost?
    CLOSE ON HUGHIE. Thinking. Off this --
    We PAN OFF Hughie and Butcher, to the GLEAMING SEVEN TOWER --
    INT. THE SEVEN TOWER - BOARDROOM - NIGHT
    Starlight. Taking in the PANORAMIC VIEW from the SEVEN
    BOARDROOM. 99th floor. Floor to ceiling windows. City
    lights before her -- like her own private galaxy.

    (CONTINUED)
    THE BOYS #101 "Name of the Game" - 10/15/17 (NETWORK DRAFT 6) 24.
    CONTINUED:
    She pivots to the SEVEN’S FAMOUS CONFERENCE TABLE. Runs her
    hand over HOMELANDER’S CHAIR. Tastefully embossed with his
    name. Like touching the President’s chair.
    Then... she sees... a CHAIR WITH HER NAME ON IT. Her eyes
    glisten with emotion.
    INT. THE SEVEN TOWER - HALLWAY - NIGHT - LATER
    CLOSE ON A SMALL FISHBOWL. With an exotic fish inside -- an
    electric blue ram cichlid, to be exact.
    WIDER. Starlight carries the fishbowl down the sleek
    hallway. Reaches a DOOR. RINGS the bell.
    No answer. She KNOCKS. The door drifts open. Unlocked.
    STARLIGHT
    Hello? Deep?
    Genres: ["Superhero","Drama"]

    Summary Hughie attends Robin's funeral and is approached by a Vought lawyer offering restitution. Hughie is devastated by Robin's death and refuses to sign a confidentiality agreement. The scene also introduces Starlight, a young superheroine, as she undergoes a polygraph test and reflects on her desire to save the world.
    Strengths
    • Engaging dialogue
    • Emotional impact
    • Establishing conflicts and motivations
    Weaknesses
    • Underdeveloped Butcher's character
    • Limited exploration of themes

    Ratings
    Overall

    Overall: 8

    The scene effectively introduces the main characters and their motivations while setting up the conflict between Hughie and Vought. The emotional impact of Robin's death and Hughie's refusal to sign the agreement adds depth to the scene. The dialogue is engaging and reveals important information about the world of superheroes. However, the scene could benefit from more development of Starlight's character.


    Story Content

    Concept: 7

    The concept of a world where superheroes exist and are controlled by a powerful corporation is intriguing. The scene effectively introduces this concept and sets up the conflict between Hughie and Vought. However, more exploration of the consequences of superhero actions and the role of Vought could enhance the concept.

    Plot: 9

    The plot of the scene revolves around Hughie's grief and refusal to sign the confidentiality agreement. This sets up his journey to seek justice for Robin's death. The introduction of Starlight adds another layer to the plot and sets up potential conflicts between her and Vought. The plot is engaging and sets up future events effectively.

    Originality: 7

    The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While the concept of superheroes with a darker side is not entirely original, the specific execution and the blending of humor and cynicism adds a fresh approach to the familiar trope. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality.


    Character Development

    Characters: 8

    The characters in the scene, particularly Hughie and Starlight, are well-developed and have clear motivations. Hughie's devastation and refusal to sign the agreement show his loyalty and desire for justice. Starlight's reflection on her desire to save the world adds depth to her character. However, more development of Butcher's character could enhance the scene.

    Character Changes: 8

    Hughie undergoes a significant change in this scene as he transitions from a grieving boyfriend to a potential ally in seeking justice. The scene also hints at potential changes for Starlight as she reflects on her desire to save the world. The character changes add depth to the scene and set up future character arcs.

    Internal Goal: 8

    The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to understand the truth about superheroes and their actions. He wants to know if they are truly as heroic as they appear or if there is a darker side to their actions.

    External Goal: 7

    The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to decide whether or not to join Butcher in seeking revenge against the superheroes for the death of his girlfriend.


    Scene Elements

    Conflict Level: 8

    The scene contains conflicts between Hughie and the Vought lawyer, as well as conflicts within Hughie himself as he grapples with grief and the desire for justice. The introduction of Starlight also sets up potential conflicts between her and Vought. The conflicts are engaging and drive the plot forward.

    Opposition: 8

    The opposition in this scene is strong as the protagonist is faced with the decision of whether or not to join Butcher in seeking revenge against the superheroes. The audience is left unsure of how the protagonist will choose.

    High Stakes: 8

    The stakes in the scene are high as Hughie grapples with grief and the desire for justice. The refusal to sign the confidentiality agreement puts him at odds with Vought and sets up potential consequences. The introduction of Starlight also hints at high stakes for her as she navigates the competitive superhero industry.

    Story Forward: 9

    The scene moves the story forward by establishing the conflict between Hughie and Vought and setting up Hughie's journey for justice. The introduction of Starlight adds another layer to the story and sets up potential conflicts. The scene effectively sets up future events and engages the audience.

    Unpredictability: 7

    This scene is unpredictable because it challenges the audience's expectations of superheroes and introduces a morally ambiguous character in Butcher. The revelation of the darker side of superheroes adds an element of surprise.

    Philosophical Conflict: 9

    The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the question of whether or not superheroes are truly heroes or if they are just using their powers for personal gain. This challenges the protagonist's belief in the inherent goodness of superheroes and raises questions about the nature of power and responsibility.


    Audience Engagement

    Emotional Impact: 9

    The scene evokes strong emotions through Hughie's devastation and the loss of Robin. The refusal to sign the agreement adds to the emotional impact and sets up Hughie's journey for justice. The scene also hints at the emotional struggles of Starlight. The emotional impact adds depth to the characters and engages the audience.

    Dialogue: 8

    The dialogue in the scene is engaging and reveals important information about the world of superheroes and the motivations of the characters. The banter between Hughie and Butcher adds a playful tone to the scene. However, some lines could be further developed to enhance the emotional impact.

    Engagement: 9

    This scene is engaging because it introduces a compelling conflict and raises intriguing questions about the nature of superheroes. The witty dialogue and vivid description also contribute to the engagement level.

    Pacing: 8

    The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by gradually building tension and suspense as the protagonist learns more about the darker side of superheroes.


    Technical Aspect

    Formatting: 9

    The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It includes clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting.

    Structure: 8

    The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It introduces the setting, establishes the characters' goals, and sets up the conflict.


    Critique
    • The scene lacks a clear conflict or tension. It mostly serves as an exposition to showcase Starlight's journey into the Seven and her excitement about it. However, without a conflict or obstacle to overcome, the scene feels flat and lacks dramatic tension.
    • The dialogue in this scene is mostly informative and lacks depth. It primarily serves to convey information about the Seven and Starlight's role in it, but it doesn't reveal much about the characters or their motivations.
    • The scene could benefit from more visual elements or actions to make it visually engaging. Currently, it relies heavily on dialogue and exposition, which can make it feel static.
    • The emotional tone of the scene is mostly positive and excited, but it could benefit from some contrasting emotions or moments of doubt to add depth to Starlight's character and her journey into the Seven.
    Suggestions
    • Introduce a conflict or obstacle for Starlight to overcome in this scene. It could be a disagreement with her mother or a moment of doubt about joining the Seven. This will add dramatic tension and make the scene more engaging.
    • Develop the dialogue to reveal more about the characters and their motivations. Use subtext and conflicting desires to create depth and complexity in their interactions.
    • Include more visual elements or actions to make the scene visually engaging. Show the reactions of the characters, their body language, or use visual metaphors to enhance the storytelling.
    • Add moments of doubt or conflicting emotions for Starlight to make her journey into the Seven more nuanced and relatable. This will add depth to her character and make her journey more compelling.



    Scene 8 - Devastation and Revelation
    INT. THE SEVEN TOWER - DEEP’S ROOM - NIGHT
    Starlight steps in, tentative. Deep’s apartment is MASSIVE.
    TA
    All blonde wood and trickling waterfalls and koi ponds and
    Chinese writing. Not just aquatic -- Zen aquatic.
    STARLIGHT
    Just wanted to thank you for being
    so ki...
    She feels awkward. Certainly doesn’t want to trespass.
    She’s about to turn and leave when...
    She hears an unmistakable GROANING. Sickly. Sounds like
    someone might be ill? Or in trouble?
    U
    STARLIGHT
    Hello?
    She cautiously moves to the sound source. Then steps around
    a thick tangle of bamboo trees to see --
    THE DEEP. Bites a RUBBER TUBE wrapped tight around his arm.
    As he SHOOTS a syringe of BRIGHT BLUE LIQUID into his vein.
    What the hell is that stuff?
    A PRETTY GIRL in a PARTY DRESS sprawls next to him. Her eyes
    flutter, nearly unconscious. A SYRINGE JUTS from her arm.
    Deep makes eye contact with Starlight. Who’s horrified --
    DEEP
    What the FUCK?
    STARLIGHT
    Oh my God, sorry, I’m sorry --


    (CONTINUED)
    THE BOYS #101 "Name of the Game" - 10/15/17 (NETWORK DRAFT 6) 25.
    CONTINUED:
    Deep stands. He’s furious. Aggressive. And completely
    different than the charming hero Starlight met.
    DEEP
    You just walk in??
    STARLIGHT
    (sputtering)
    I knocked... your door was... I was
    just bringing you...
    She lamely holds out the fishbowl.
    DEEP
    Turn around. Forget this ever
    happened.
    But Starlight notices the girl. A thick gob of spittle at
    the side of her mouth.
    STARLIGHT
    Is she... okay?
    TA
    That sends Deep over the edge. SUDDENLY, with SUPER
    STRENGTH, he SHOVES Starlight against the wall!
    She drops the FISHBOWL. CRASH!
    Scary, Deep clamps his hand around Starlight’s neck. His
    forehead veins are popping, he’s so pissed. (It’s a roid-
    like reaction to the mysterious blue drug).
    DEEP
    Who the HELL asked you??!!
    U
    STARLIGHT
    (small, scared)
    ...I think she needs help...
    DEEP
    Oh, you’re the fucking hero?
    Please. You’re here cause we needed
    a few more points with Evangelicals.
    There’s a dozen blonde cunts that
    fit the bill. You’re nobody.
    (then)
    You breathe a word of this to
    anyone? You’re out. For good. The
    fuck back to Iowa. We clear?
    CLOSE ON STARLIGHT. Just staring at the dying exotic fish,
    FLOPPING ABOUT on the floor. Does she fight back? Make a
    stand? A long beat...
    No. She doesn’t. She does what she needs to do.
    STARLIGHT
    Of course. I won’t tell anybody.

    (CONTINUED)
    THE BOYS #101 "Name of the Game" - 10/15/17 (NETWORK DRAFT 6) 26.
    CONTINUED: (2)
    A long beat. Frenzied face to frightened face. Until --
    He lets her go. She beats a HASTY RETREAT --
    EXT. THE SEVEN TOWER - HALLWAY
    She scrambles out the door. Then stops. Presses her back
    against the wall, out of breath.
    It takes every fiber of her being not to cry...
    EXT. ALLEY - OLD MONEY BUILDING - NIGHT
    Back alley. A SERVICE ENTRANCE behind a tall, ornate, old-
    money downtown building.
    Butcher strides to the door, Hughie in tow. KNOCKS on it.
    Beat. A NERVOUS SECURITY GUARD answers (dark coat, tie,
    BADGE). Hughie watches this exchange, curious.
    SECURITY GUARD
    Fuck, man.
    TA BUTCHER
    This is the last time, Harry.
    SECURITY GUARD
    It’s always the last time. This is
    fucking police brutality.
    (nods inside)
    You know what these people’ll do to
    me, they catch me letting you in?
    BUTCHER
    (cool, even)
    U
    Not even half of what I’ll do, if
    you don’t.
    Butcher smiles but never breaks eye contact. It’s
    unsettling. Message received.
    The Security Guard hands over two SECURITY BADGES. Butcher
    gives one to Hughie.
    HUGHIE
    Did he just say you’re a cop?
    BUTCHER
    Cop, Fed, it’s all the same to that
    cunt. Here, put this on.
    HUGHIE
    What the hell is this?
    But Butcher just strides inside. Uneasy, and now a bit
    suspicious, Hughie follows --
    THE BOYS #101 "Name of the Game" - 10/15/17 (NETWORK DRAFT 6) 27.


    INT. OLD MONEY BUILDING - PRIVATE CLUB - NIGHT
    DING! CLOSE ON HUGHIE as the ELEVATOR DOOR OPENS. His jaw
    hits the floor. As he takes in --
    A PRIVATE CLUB. Dark. Thumping music. Lots of SIDE ROOMS
    and various nooks and crannies.
    AND SUPERHEROES. Male and female. All shapes and sizes and
    colors. PARTYING THEIR COSTUMED ASSES OFF. The female
    heroes are having as much rambunctious fun as the men. It’s
    like Studio 54 -- multiplied by 54.
    One FEMALE HERO with a tiara tightens her FLUORESCENT ROPE,
    S&M style, around a HOG-TIED NAKED MAN. He happily begs to
    be spanked, she happily obliges.
    Two HEROES TELEKINETICALLY HURL a CHAIR over a ducking
    WAITER, SMASHING it through the window, as if they were
    Whitesnake on the Sunset Strip.
    Hughie and Butcher step over a burly STEEL-SKINNED SUPERHERO,
    passed out on the floor in a pool of his own sick. WAITERS
    try to drag him away, but he’s far too heavy.
    TA
    Hughie is absolutely gobsmacked. Then spots --
    HUGHIE
    Hey, that’s Captain Fantastic. The
    ‘Capes for Christ’ guy. Holds those
    anti-gay rallies.
    POV. The stretchy Superhero we saw on TV in the opener is in
    ecstasy, wrapped around THREE MEN in G-STRINGS.
    U
    BUTCHER
    And now he’s the meat in the
    Manwich. Fuckin’ hypocrite. Like
    Bill Cosby in spandex.
    They pass a HERO, his hair a SHIMMERING WAVE of FIRE, quietly
    and desperately crying to himself. Who knows why.
    HUGHIE
    Okay. So this is more than I ever,
    ever wanted to see. I’m leaving now
    before one of them tries to have sex
    with me. Or kill me. Or both.
    BUTCHER
    Not yet.
    Off Hughie -- he follows Butcher into a back room --
    Genres: ["Superhero","Drama"]

    Summary In this scene, Hughie attends Robin's funeral and is approached by a Vought lawyer offering restitution. Hughie is devastated by Robin's death and refuses to sign a confidentiality agreement. The scene also introduces Starlight, a young superheroine, as she witnesses The Deep engaging in drug use and mistreating a girl. Hughie and Butcher also enter a private club where they witness various superheroes engaging in scandalous activities.
    Strengths "Strong emotional impact, engaging conflicts, and intriguing revelations"
    Weaknesses "The theme could be further developed"

    Ratings
    Overall

    Overall: 9

    The scene effectively establishes the emotional impact of Robin's death and introduces the dark underbelly of the superhero world, creating a strong sense of conflict and intrigue.


    Story Content

    Concept: 8

    The concept of exploring the consequences of superhero actions and the corrupt nature of the industry is intriguing and engaging.

    Plot: 9

    The plot of the scene revolves around Hughie's grief and refusal to sign the confidentiality agreement, as well as Starlight's shocking discovery of The Deep's drug use and mistreatment of a girl.

    Originality: 9

    This scene demonstrates a level of originality through its portrayal of the dark side of heroism and the unexpected twist of Deep's drug use. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


    Character Development

    Characters: 9

    The characters in the scene, particularly Hughie and Starlight, are well-developed and their emotions and reactions are believable and engaging.

    Character Changes: 8

    The characters, particularly Hughie and Starlight, experience significant changes in their perceptions and understanding of the superhero world.

    Internal Goal: 8

    The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to help Deep and the girl who appears to be in trouble. This reflects Starlight's deeper desire to be a hero and make a positive impact on the world.

    External Goal: 7

    The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to confront Deep about his actions and potentially save the girl. This reflects the immediate challenge of dealing with Deep's drug use and the potential danger to the girl's life.


    Scene Elements

    Conflict Level: 9

    The conflict in the scene is high, with Hughie's grief and refusal to sign the agreement, Starlight's shock and confrontation with The Deep, and the revelation of the scandalous activities in the private club.

    Opposition: 9

    The opposition in this scene is strong, as Deep's aggressive behavior and refusal to acknowledge the girl's condition creates a difficult and challenging situation for Starlight. The audience is left uncertain of how she will handle it.

    High Stakes: 9

    The stakes are high in the scene, with Hughie facing the decision of whether to seek justice for Robin's death and Starlight risking her position in the superhero industry by confronting The Deep.

    Story Forward: 9

    The scene moves the story forward by introducing important conflicts and revelations that will impact the characters and the overall plot.

    Unpredictability: 9

    This scene is unpredictable because it takes a surprising turn with Deep's drug use and his aggressive behavior towards Starlight. The audience is left unsure of how the situation will unfold.

    Philosophical Conflict: 9

    There is a philosophical conflict evident in this scene between Starlight's belief in heroism and Deep's disillusionment with it. Deep's actions challenge Starlight's values and worldview, forcing her to question the true nature of heroism.


    Audience Engagement

    Emotional Impact: 10

    The scene evokes strong emotions, particularly in Hughie's devastation and Starlight's horror and fear.

    Dialogue: 8

    The dialogue effectively conveys the emotions and conflicts of the characters, particularly in Hughie and Starlight's interactions with The Deep.

    Engagement: 9

    This scene is engaging because it introduces a shocking and unexpected situation, creates tension through the characters' actions and dialogue, and leaves the audience wanting to know what will happen next.

    Pacing: 8

    The pacing of this scene contributes to its effectiveness by gradually building tension and suspense through the characters' actions and dialogue. It keeps the audience engaged and interested in the unfolding events.


    Technical Aspect

    Formatting: 9

    The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting.

    Structure: 8

    The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre by establishing the setting, introducing the conflict, and building tension through dialogue and action.


    Critique
    • The scene lacks a clear conflict or tension. It is mostly a series of events and actions without any significant obstacles or challenges for the characters to overcome.
    • The dialogue in this scene is minimal and lacks depth. It mostly consists of basic greetings and compliments, which does not provide much insight into the characters or advance the story.
    • The visual elements and actions in this scene are not particularly memorable or impactful. There is a missed opportunity to create visually striking moments that could enhance the emotional tone of the scene.
    • The ending of the scene, with Starlight feeling overwhelmed but excited, is predictable and lacks a sense of surprise or intrigue.
    • The emotional tone of the scene is somewhat flat. There is a lack of emotional depth or complexity in the interactions between the characters.
    • The scene could benefit from more conflict or tension, either between the characters or within the protagonist herself. This would create a more engaging and dynamic scene.
    • The dialogue could be improved by adding more subtext and depth to the conversations. This would provide more insight into the characters' motivations and emotions.
    • Consider incorporating more visually striking moments or actions that reflect the emotional journey of the characters. This would make the scene more visually engaging and memorable.
    • The ending of the scene could be reworked to create a stronger sense of anticipation or suspense. This would leave the audience wanting to know what happens next.
    • To enhance the emotional tone of the scene, consider adding moments of vulnerability or conflict that reveal the true feelings and desires of the characters.
    Suggestions
    • Introduce a conflict or obstacle for the characters to overcome, such as a disagreement between Starlight and her publicist or a technical issue during the presentation.
    • Develop the dialogue to include more subtext and depth, revealing the characters' true thoughts and emotions.
    • Create visually striking moments or actions that reflect the emotional journey of the characters, such as Starlight hesitating before entering the elevator or a close-up of her overwhelmed expression.
    • Reimagine the ending of the scene to create a stronger sense of anticipation or suspense, leaving the audience wanting to know what happens next.
    • Add moments of vulnerability or conflict that reveal the true feelings and desires of the characters, deepening the emotional tone of the scene.



    Scene 9 - The Funeral and the Negotiation
    INT. SECURITY ROOM - NIGHT
    The anxious Security Guard checks the coast is clear. Then
    lets Butcher and Hughie into the SECURITY ROOM. A wall full
    of monitors recording every room.
    (CONTINUED)
    THE BOYS #101 "Name of the Game" - 10/15/17 (NETWORK DRAFT 6) 28.
    CONTINUED:
    SECURITY GUARD
    Hurry up.
    BUTCHER
    Where’s the vid you rang me about?
    The Security Guard reluctantly hands Butcher a MEMORY STICK.
    Butcher plugs it into a COMPUTER.
    BUTCHER
    Oi. Hughie. Monitor 2.
    Butcher fiddles a knob. Turning up the AUDIO.
    THE MONITOR. Time-stamped security cam footage of a BACK
    ROOM. A-TRAIN. Throws back shots like it’s his job.
    HUGHIE
    A-Train’s -- here?
    BUTCHER
    Was. This is from last night.
    TA
    THE MONITOR. Suddenly, A-Train looks O.S., as --
    BIG GAME (O.S.)
    A-Train. Your girlfriend’s here.
    She’s pissed.
    A HERO -- BIG GAME -- enters. He carries two MANNEQUIN ARMS.
    BIG GAME
    She wants to know why you ran
    through her the other night. I
    mean, she just went to pieces.
    U
    HUGHIE. His jaw clenches. Butcher looks at him,
    sympathetic. Knows how hard this is for him.
    A-TRAIN
    Hey, I’m not the one that threw a
    Volvo at that carjacker, without
    realizing there was a fucking kid
    strapped inside.
    BIG GAME
    Screw you, man, that sucked.
    (sucks back a shot)
    I had to go fucking cry on Diane
    Sawyer.
    Pointed, because A-Train just did the same --
    A-TRAIN
    Boy, can’t imagine what that’s like,
    asshole.
    Big Game sticks the mannequin arms into A-Train’s crotch.

    (CONTINUED)
    THE BOYS #101 "Name of the Game" - 10/15/17 (NETWORK DRAFT 6) 29.
    CONTINUED: (2)
    BIG GAME
    Aw, look, she wants to make up.
    A-TRAIN
    Sorry, baby, but when I get inside a
    girl, I get inside a girl.
    CLOSE ON HUGHIE. Quietly enraged --
    HUGHIE
    ...they’re laughing. Like she’s a
    joke. They’re fucking laughing.
    BUTCHER
    Question is, what are you gonna do
    about it?
    INT. THE SEVEN TOWER - OUTSIDE BOARDROOM - NIGHT
    Vought Vice-President Julia Stillwell skims down the Tower’s
    hallway with the Vought Lawyer -- same guy from before -- he
    hurries to keep up. He’s nervous -- she is miles above his
    paygrade. But she never loses her corporate geniality.
    TA
    I’m sorry.
    JULIA STILLWELL
    It’s Doug?
    DOUG FRIEDMAN
    Yes. Doug. Friedman. Ma’am.
    JULIA STILLWELL
    Doug, I appreciate you trying to low-
    ball this Hugh Campbell, but can we
    settle out the A-Train thing? I
    mean, 25 thousand? I got a bigger
    U
    shoe budget.
    DOUG FRIEDMAN
    I’m not sure it’s about the money
    with this guy.
    JULIA STILLWELL
    If you quit nickel and diming him?
    It’ll be about the money. Just get
    it off our plate, please.
    Without breaking stride, Julia glides into the boardroom --
    INT. THE SEVEN TOWER - BOARDROOM - NIGHT
    Where she grins at the MAYOR of BALTIMORE (50), sitting at
    the table. He nods to a GLOSSY PIC of the HOMELANDER.
    Autographed “To Mason: Reach for the Sky! Best, Homelander.”
    MAYOR
    Thanks for this. My kid’s gonna
    lose his mind.


    (CONTINUED)
    THE BOYS #101 "Name of the Game" - 10/15/17 (NETWORK DRAFT 6) 30.
    CONTINUED:
    JULIA STILLWELL
    Our pleasure, Mr. Mayor. Just don’t
    sell it on-line.
    MAYOR
    Alright. Tell me what you’re
    thinking.
    JULIA STILLWELL
    (into her presentation)
    Steve, look. Baltimore’s a
    beautiful town. Those crab cakes at
    Faidley’s? Change your life. But
    you’ve got a problem. Homicide
    rates are up, what, 62%? Your
    police aren’t closing cases, you’re
    on the verge of needing a federal
    life-line.
    MAYOR
    You don’t need to salt my wounds.
    JULIA STILLWELL
    No disrespect. But you know police
    TA
    tanks rolling down main street won’t
    play on the 6 o’clock news. How’d
    it work out for Ferguson? Or Baton
    Rouge?
    MAYOR
    Cut to the chase, Julia. Who are
    you proposing?
    She clicks a remote. On the flat-screen, PHOTOS of a
    handsome, Will Smith-like BLACK SUPERHERO appear.
    U
    JULIA STILLWELL
    Nubian Prince. Fits your
    population’s demo, but not too
    militant -- Caucasians love him too,
    approval’s around 68 percent. We’re
    offering a 3 year exclusive
    contract. Plus our full PR support.
    And we’ll throw in 9 and a half
    points of the merchandising.
    MAYOR
    I thought he was in Detroit.
    JULIA STILLWELL
    We’re thinking about making a move.
    We’ve come to you first.
    MAYOR
    How much?




    (CONTINUED)
    THE BOYS #101 "Name of the Game" - 10/15/17 (NETWORK DRAFT 6) 31.
    CONTINUED: (2)
    JULIA STILLWELL
    300 million a year. I know it’s a
    tough swallow, but we both know your
    city needs a hero.
    MAYOR
    (beat, contemplates)
    Look. I have the City Council up my
    ass on every fucking dime of the
    budget. You make it 200 million, I
    can sell it.
    JULIA STILLWELL
    I’m sorry. Can’t do it. We have
    Atlanta waiting in the wings.
    MAYOR
    (beat)
    I think maybe you can.
    JULIA STILLWELL
    Oh? And why’s that?
    MAYOR
    TA (leans forward)
    Because I happen to know about
    Compound V.
    Stillwell betrays only the merest twitch.
    JULIA STILLWELL
    I’m sorry. What’s ‘Compound V?’
    MAYOR
    The kinda rumor that can really
    U
    tarnish those heroes of yours. And
    no one wants that -- people need
    heroes. Now. I can make sure it
    stays a rumor. You know I’m a
    friend. But friendship cuts both
    ways.
    What is he talking about? We’re not sure. But Stillwell
    only gives him the most pleasant of smiles.
    JULIA STILLWELL
    Sorry, Steve, I just don’t know what
    you’re talking about. 300 million’s
    the price. Or we go to Atlanta.
    Off Stillwell. She might not be a superhero, but she sure
    knows how to wear a mask...
    Genres: ["Superhero","Drama"]

    Summary In this scene, Hughie attends Robin's funeral and is approached by a Vought lawyer offering restitution. Hughie is devastated by Robin's death and refuses to sign a confidentiality agreement. The scene also introduces Starlight, a young superheroine, as she witnesses The Deep engaging in drug use and mistreating a girl. Hughie and Butcher also enter a private club where they witness various superheroes engaging in scandalous activities.
    Strengths
    • Strong emotional impact
    • Engaging dialogue
    • Compelling theme
    Weaknesses
    • Some dialogue could be tightened

    Ratings
    Overall

    Overall: 9

    The scene effectively establishes the emotional stakes and conflict, introduces important characters, and moves the plot forward. The dialogue is engaging and the theme of corruption in the superhero industry is compelling.


    Story Content

    Concept: 8

    The concept of exploring the dark side of superheroes and the corrupt nature of the industry is intriguing and adds depth to the story.

    Plot: 9

    The plot of the scene revolves around Hughie's grief and refusal to sign the confidentiality agreement, as well as the introduction of Starlight and the glimpse into the scandalous activities of superheroes.

    Originality: 9

    This scene has a level of originality in its portrayal of corrupt superheroes and the protagonist's journey for justice. The dialogue feels authentic and the situations are fresh and unexpected.


    Character Development

    Characters: 9

    The characters are well-developed and their emotions and motivations are effectively portrayed. Hughie's devastation and anger, as well as Starlight's disillusionment, are compelling.

    Character Changes: 8

    Hughie experiences a significant change in his emotions and motivations as a result of Robin's death, setting him on a path of seeking justice.

    Internal Goal: 8

    The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to confront A-Train and seek justice for his actions. This reflects Hughie's desire for revenge and his need to stand up for what he believes is right.

    External Goal: 7

    The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to gather evidence against A-Train. This reflects the immediate challenge of finding proof of A-Train's wrongdoing.


    Scene Elements

    Conflict Level: 9

    The conflict between Hughie and the Vought lawyer, as well as the conflict between Hughie and the superheroes engaging in scandalous activities, creates tension and drives the scene.

    Opposition: 8

    The opposition in this scene is strong as the protagonist confronts A-Train and faces challenges in gathering evidence against him. The audience is unsure of how the confrontation will go.

    High Stakes: 8

    The stakes are high for Hughie as he grapples with grief and seeks justice for Robin's death. The corrupt nature of the superhero industry adds an additional layer of stakes.

    Story Forward: 9

    The scene moves the story forward by establishing the emotional stakes for Hughie and introducing important plot elements, such as the corrupt nature of the superhero industry.

    Unpredictability: 8

    This scene is unpredictable because it introduces unexpected twists and turns in the dialogue and reveals new information about the characters.

    Philosophical Conflict: 9

    There is a philosophical conflict evident in this scene between the protagonist's belief in justice and the corrupt superhero system. This challenges Hughie's values and worldview.


    Audience Engagement

    Emotional Impact: 9

    The scene evokes strong emotions through Hughie's devastation and anger, as well as the glimpse into the mistreatment of superheroes.

    Dialogue: 8

    The dialogue is engaging and reveals the personalities and conflicts of the characters. The banter between Hughie and Butcher adds a playful tone to the scene.

    Engagement: 9

    This scene is engaging because it introduces a conflict, reveals new information, and creates tension between the characters.

    Pacing: 9

    The pacing of this scene contributes to its effectiveness by maintaining a steady rhythm and building tension through dialogue and actions.


    Technical Aspect

    Formatting: 9

    The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre with clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting.

    Structure: 8

    The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre by establishing the setting, introducing the conflict, and building tension.


    Critique
    • The scene lacks specific details about Starlight's performance on stage and the audience's reaction. Adding more specific actions and dialogue can help bring the scene to life and make it more engaging for the reader.
    • The conflict between Starlight's emotions of being overwhelmed and excited could be further explored and resolved in this scene. This can add depth to her character and create a more compelling story.
    • The dialogue in this scene could be more impactful and memorable. Adding more unique and memorable lines can help make the scene more memorable and engaging for the audience.
    • The scene could benefit from more visual descriptions to help the reader visualize the setting and actions more clearly. This can make the scene more immersive and engaging for the reader.
    • The ending of the scene could be stronger and leave a stronger impression on the reader. Adding a surprising or impactful moment can make the scene more memorable and leave the reader wanting to know what happens next.
    Suggestions
    • Add specific details about Starlight's performance on stage, such as her singing or dancing, and describe the audience's reaction to her performance.
    • Further explore the conflict between Starlight's emotions of being overwhelmed and excited. Show how she navigates these conflicting emotions and possibly resolve them in this scene.
    • Revise the dialogue to make it more impactful and memorable. Consider adding unique and memorable lines that reflect Starlight's character and the tone of the scene.
    • Include more visual descriptions to help the reader visualize the setting and actions more clearly. Describe the stage, the audience, and any significant visual elements in detail.
    • Create a stronger ending for the scene by adding a surprising or impactful moment that leaves a strong impression on the reader.



    Scene 10 - Meeting the Idol
    INT. THE SEVEN TOWER - BATHROOM - NIGHT
    A row of toilet stalls. And Starlight. At a sink. Stares at
    herself in the mirror. Her mascara runs. She’s been crying.


    (CONTINUED)
    THE BOYS #101 "Name of the Game" - 10/15/17 (NETWORK DRAFT 6) 32.
    CONTINUED:
    She inspects the NECK BRUISING from where the Deep grabbed
    her. It’s already turning an angry purple.
    When... QUEEN MAEVE enters. Heads to the sink beside
    Starlight to reapply some make-up from a small clutch.
    Starlight sneaks glances at Queen Maeve. Humiliated to be
    meeting her idol in such circumstances. Subtly tries to
    cover her neck bruises with her hand.
    When Queen Maeve pivots to Starlight. Long beat. Is Maeve
    going to say something? But then --
    Queen Maeve gently pulls Starlight’s hand away from her neck.
    Inspects the bruising.
    Then... Maeve reaches into her clutch, pulls out a bottle of
    skin tone CONCEALER. Holds it up to Starlight’s neck. With
    compassion --
    QUEEN MAEVE
    I think this is your color.
    TA
    Implying that Starlight should cover up the bruise. Maybe
    even implying that Maeve’s been there herself.
    Then -- Queen Maeve pivots for the door. Calls out, without
    looking back.
    QUEEN MAEVE
    Translucent, you’re such a fucking
    perv.
    Queen Maeve exits. Beat. Then... Translucent the invisible
    man MATERIALIZES, naked, spying on Starlight from the corner.
    U
    TRANSLUCENT
    Uh. I’ll -- I’ll just go.
    He walks sheepishly out.
    Off Starlight, painfully learning the old adage -- never,
    ever meet your heroes...
    INT. DIVE BAR - NIGHT
    The dive bar of your dreams. All dark wood and character.
    Hughie sits at a private BOOTH, beer in front of him.
    Butcher across, nursing a soda water (he never drinks).
    Hughie. Digesting what he just saw. Quiet. PISSED.
    HUGHIE
    They’re -- all like that? All of
    ‘em? Even the Homelander?
    Butcher skips the tiniest half beat. Voice goes the tiniest
    bit flat. Something’s going on here, but we don’t dwell.

    (CONTINUED)
    THE BOYS #101 "Name of the Game" - 10/15/17 (NETWORK DRAFT 6) 33.
    CONTINUED:
    BUTCHER
    Homelander’s the exception. Doesn’t
    drink, smoke. Fuckin’ saint. But
    the rest? Yeah, pretty much.
    (then)
    Here, have a shufti at this --
    From a MANILA FOLDER, Butcher removes some densely printed
    PAPERS, spreads them on the table.
    HUGHIE
    What are these?
    BUTCHER
    Police log, night of Robin’s death.
    Couple bar fights, some cars got
    nicked. Know what’s not in there?
    No banks triggering any alarms. No
    one charged with robbery at Central
    Booking. A-Train stopped two bank
    robbers, my arse. Someone’s
    covering somethin’ up.
    HUGHIE
    TA
    Covering up -- what?
    We re-play FLASHES of Hughie, Robin and A-Train from the
    opening... to illustrate Butcher’s case...
    BUTCHER
    Whatever A-Train was doing that
    night. You said he looked scared.
    But what’s he got to be scared of?
    What did he mean, ‘he can’t stop?’
    And what was in that bag? All
    U
    sounds bleedin’ dodgy to me.
    (off Hughie)
    So the big question is: where was he
    runnin’?
    HUGHIE
    Or who was he running from?
    Butcher regards Hughie. Impressed. Smart.
    BUTCHER
    Yeah. True. Good point.
    (beat)
    Figure that out, we’ll have the
    fucker. Got a nose for this shit,
    and I’m tellin’ you, I can smell it.
    Hughie stares at the reports. Feels emboldened.
    HUGHIE
    Okay. How can I help?



    (CONTINUED)
    THE BOYS #101 "Name of the Game" - 10/15/17 (NETWORK DRAFT 6) 34.
    CONTINUED: (2)
    BUTCHER
    Ring Vought. Tell ‘em you’ll take
    the money, sign the NDA. But only
    if A-Train’s there in person when
    you do.
    HUGHIE
    Wait, I don’t... why would I...?
    BUTCHER
    I dunno. Say you gotta shake his
    hand. For closure. They’ll invite
    you into the Seven Tower to meet
    him. Past their security. And
    then, my son, you are gonna stick a
    bug in the place. We’ll have a
    listen, really see what’s going on.
    HUGHIE
    So, sorry -- you want me to go into
    the Seven tower? By myself? And
    plant -- a bug? Like I’m fucking
    James Bond?
    TA BUTCHER
    Hughie. Why do you think I came to
    you in the first place? For the
    good of me health?
    Again, Hughie’s breathing grows shallow. He pales. Starting
    to have another PTSD attack.
    HUGHIE
    You gotta come with me.
    U
    BUTCHER
    No way they give me a pass.
    HUGHIE
    What if something goes wrong?
    BUTCHER
    It won’t.
    HUGHIE
    Oh. Okay. Really comforting. And
    easy for you to say, as you sit out
    here on your “arse.” I mean, you’re
    FBI, if you’re fucking FBI, get a
    warrant, why do you need me --
    BUTCHER
    (a bald lie, of course)
    I got a warrant. But that place is
    fire-walled and untappable and
    locked up tighter than a nun’s
    clunge. I couldn’t sneak in meself,
    not in a million years. But you
    can. Now calm down.
    (CONTINUED)
    THE BOYS #101 "Name of the Game" - 10/15/17 (NETWORK DRAFT 6) 35.
    CONTINUED: (3)
    HUGHIE
    Calm? You didn’t see A-Train,
    covered in Robin’s -- and I’m
    supposed to shake his hand and
    smile? These people kill fucking
    kids in fucking Volvos on, like, a
    random Tuesday, what do you think
    they’ll do to me if they catch me?
    BUTCHER
    We’ve never had a go at the Seven
    before, not like this --
    HUGHIE
    I said NO!
    BUTCHER
    (beat)
    You saw him on that video. You
    heard what he said about her.
    HUGHIE
    (quieter, sadder)
    I just -- I can’t. I’m just gonna
    TA
    fuck it up. You won’t have your bug
    and I’ll be dead. I’m not like you.
    Hughie stands. Exits.
    Off Butcher. He doesn’t look upset. He smirks, confident,
    sips from his club soda. As if he expected this --
    EXT. BAR - NIGHT
    Butcher. Emerging from the bar. Calmly strolling.
    U
    When -- far overhead -- A HERO SOARS through the night sky,
    lit by city lights. Followed by ANOTHER. It’s that last one
    who’s got Butcher’s attention. He’s pretty far away, but
    eagle eyed viewers might recognize him as the HOMELANDER.
    WE CREEP IN ON BUTCHER. Stops. Just staring up. Wearing
    his own stoic mask. Until --
    BUTCHER
    I’m gonna fuckin’ have you. You
    cunt.
    WIDER. Butcher’s just another New Yorker. When... a BLACK
    SUV cruises past.
    Genres: ["Superhero","Drama"]

    Summary In this scene, Starlight attends a funeral and encounters Queen Maeve in the bathroom. Maeve offers her compassion and a concealer to cover up her bruises. Meanwhile, Hughie and Butcher discuss the suspicious circumstances surrounding Robin's death and devise a plan to infiltrate the Seven Tower. Hughie initially refuses, fearing for his safety, but Butcher convinces him to go through with it. The scene ends with Butcher vowing to take down Homelander.
    Strengths "The scene effectively establishes the emotional state of the characters and their motivations. It also introduces important plot points and conflicts."
    Weaknesses "Some dialogue could be improved to enhance the tension and impact of the scene."

    Ratings
    Overall

    Overall: 8

    The scene effectively establishes the emotional state of the characters and their motivations. It also introduces important plot points and conflicts. However, some dialogue could be improved to enhance the tension and impact of the scene.


    Story Content

    Concept: 7

    The concept of superheroes being flawed and the existence of a corrupt organization adds depth to the story. The scene introduces the idea of a secret agenda and sets up the mission of the main characters.

    Plot: 8

    The plot progresses as Hughie and Butcher discuss their plan to infiltrate the Seven Tower and uncover the truth. The scene also hints at a larger conspiracy involving A-Train and the cover-up of Robin's death.

    Originality: 9

    This scene demonstrates a level of originality through its fresh approach to the superhero genre. It subverts the traditional portrayal of superheroes as flawless and explores the darker side of their actions. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality.


    Character Development

    Characters: 9

    The characters are well-developed and their emotions and motivations are clearly portrayed. The scene explores Starlight's vulnerability and Hughie's internal conflict. Butcher's mysterious nature adds intrigue to the story.

    Character Changes: 7

    While there is not a significant character change in this scene, it sets up the potential for growth and transformation in Hughie as he embarks on a dangerous mission.

    Internal Goal: 8

    The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to come to terms with the reality of the superhero world and her own disillusionment. It reflects her deeper need for validation and her fear of being let down by her idols.

    External Goal: 7

    The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to gather information about A-Train and uncover the truth behind Robin's death. It reflects the immediate challenge of finding justice and seeking revenge.


    Scene Elements

    Conflict Level: 8

    There is a conflict between Starlight's humiliation and Queen Maeve's compassion. The conflict between Hughie's fear and Butcher's determination also adds tension to the scene.

    Opposition: 8

    The opposition in this scene is strong as the protagonist faces challenges in her internal and external goals. The audience is unsure of how she will navigate the conflicts and what consequences she may face.

    High Stakes: 8

    The stakes are high as Hughie contemplates infiltrating the Seven Tower and potentially risking his life. The scene also hints at a larger conspiracy and the potential danger faced by the main characters.

    Story Forward: 9

    The scene moves the story forward by introducing important plot points, conflicts, and character motivations. It sets up the mission of Hughie and Butcher and raises questions about the true nature of the Seven and their involvement in Robin's death.

    Unpredictability: 7

    This scene is unpredictable because it introduces unexpected elements, such as the appearance of Translucent and the revelation about A-Train. These surprises keep the audience engaged and curious about what will happen next.

    Philosophical Conflict: 9

    The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the clash between the idealized image of superheroes and the harsh reality of their actions. It challenges the protagonist's beliefs and values, forcing her to question the morality of the superhero world.


    Audience Engagement

    Emotional Impact: 9

    The scene evokes strong emotions through the portrayal of grief, humiliation, and determination. It also raises questions about the true nature of superheroes and the consequences of their actions.

    Dialogue: 7

    The dialogue effectively conveys the emotions and intentions of the characters. However, some lines could be more impactful and memorable.

    Engagement: 9

    This scene is engaging because it presents a conflict between the protagonist's ideals and the harsh reality, creating tension and emotional investment. The dialogue and character interactions also contribute to the engagement.

    Pacing: 8

    The pacing of this scene contributes to its effectiveness by balancing moments of tension and reflection. It allows the audience to absorb the emotional impact of the protagonist's experiences while maintaining a sense of momentum.


    Technical Aspect

    Formatting: 9

    The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting. It is well-organized and easy to follow.

    Structure: 8

    The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre by establishing the setting, introducing the characters, and advancing the plot. It effectively transitions between different locations and maintains a clear narrative flow.


    Critique
    • The scene feels disconnected from the previous scene and the overall storyline. It doesn't seem to contribute much to the development of the characters or the plot.
    • The interaction between Starlight and Queen Maeve lacks depth and emotional impact. It could benefit from more dialogue or a meaningful conversation between the two characters.
    • The appearance of Translucent feels random and doesn't add much to the scene. It could be removed to streamline the narrative.
    • The scene lacks a clear conflict and resolution. While Starlight feels humiliated, there is no resolution or further development of this conflict.
    • The dialogue between Queen Maeve and Starlight could be more impactful and revealing of their characters' emotions and motivations.
    • The visual elements in the scene, such as Starlight looking at herself in the mirror and Queen Maeve offering the concealer, could be enhanced to create a stronger visual impact.
    • The scene could benefit from a stronger emotional tone, such as adding more tension or vulnerability to the characters' interactions.
    • The ending of the scene could be more impactful and leave a stronger impression on the audience.
    • The scene could be better integrated into the overall narrative and contribute more to the development of the characters and the plot.
    Suggestions
    • Consider reworking the scene to make it more connected to the previous scene and the overall storyline.
    • Develop the interaction between Starlight and Queen Maeve to create a more meaningful and emotional exchange between the characters.
    • Remove the appearance of Translucent or find a way to integrate it more effectively into the scene.
    • Introduce a clear conflict and resolution in the scene to create a stronger narrative arc.
    • Revise the dialogue between Queen Maeve and Starlight to make it more impactful and revealing of their characters' emotions and motivations.
    • Enhance the visual elements in the scene to create a stronger visual impact and reinforce the emotions of the characters.
    • Work on creating a stronger emotional tone in the scene, such as adding more tension or vulnerability to the characters' interactions.
    • Craft a more impactful ending for the scene that leaves a stronger impression on the audience.
    • Ensure that the scene is well-integrated into the overall narrative and contributes meaningfully to the development of the characters and the plot.



    Scene 11 - Devastation and Revelation
    INT. BLACK SUV - MOVING - NIGHT
    The MAYOR of BALTIMORE. The one who mentioned ‘Compound V,’
    whatever that is. He rides in the back. On his cell.
    MAYOR
    Ms. Stillwell. Wasn’t sure I’d hear
    from you.
    THE BOYS #101 "Name of the Game" - 10/15/17 (NETWORK DRAFT 6) 36.


    INT. THE SEVEN TOWER - BOARDROOM - NIGHT - INTERCUT
    Stillwell’s smile is tight. She doesn’t like to acquiesce.
    JULIA STILLWELL
    Alright, Steve. This fucking
    chafes, but we can go down to 230
    million for Nubian Prince.
    MAYOR
    I think that’s very reasonable,
    Julia. Thank you.
    JULIA STILLWELL
    Well, like you said, friendship cuts
    both ways.
    MAYOR
    Yes, it does. You have my word.
    There are secrets and scandals between these lines. But we
    don’t know what they are. Yet.
    TA
    Off the Mayor, seemingly winning the negotiation --
    INT. HUGHIE’S FAMILY APARTMENT - QUEENS - NEXT DAY
    ON THE TV. ELLEN. Eternally upbeat. She sits with a
    VISIBLE (and clothed) TRANSLUCENT --
    He rolls up his sleeve, lifts his bare arm. Which SHIMMERS
    then seemingly DISAPPEARS.
    TRANSLUCENT
    ...no, I don’t actually vanish, my
    U
    skin turns into this -- carbon meta-
    material -- that bends light. Like
    an invisibility cloak.
    ELLEN
    But just to be clear -- you have to
    be completely naked, right?
    The audience OOHS and AAHS --
    Hughie. Sits on the couch. Numb, listless, defeated. Next
    to his wheezing Father. His Mom sets a plate of pizza rolls
    on the coffee table.
    HUGHIE’S MOM
    Here you go, honey. Pizza rolls
    with ketchup.
    Hughie picks one up. Hesitates. Somehow, eating one means
    acquiescing to his sad suburban life. When --




    (CONTINUED)
    THE BOYS #101 "Name of the Game" - 10/15/17 (NETWORK DRAFT 6) 37.
    CONTINUED:
    HUGHIE’S DAD
    (finally speaks)
    30 years at that One Hour
    Martinizing. Cost me a lung, and
    what’d I get for it? And you wanna
    take on Vought? It’s like trynna
    take on a mountain. Take the money,
    Hughie. We’re lucky to get it.
    PUSH IN ON HUGHIE. Holding that pizza roll. Looking at his
    Dad. Is he really gonna give up? Give in?
    EXT. CENTRAL PARK - DAY
    Starlight -- dressed for the first time in CIVILIAN CLOTHES.
    As her secret identity: mild-mannered Annie. She strolls
    through the park, phone to her ear. INTERCUT WITH:
    Genres: ["Drama","Superhero"]

    Summary In this scene, Hughie attends Robin's funeral and is approached by a Vought lawyer offering restitution. Hughie is devastated by Robin's death and refuses to sign a confidentiality agreement. The scene also introduces Starlight, a young superheroine, as she witnesses The Deep engaging in drug use and mistreating a girl. Hughie and Butcher also enter a private club where they witness various superheroes engaging in scandalous activities.
    Strengths "The scene effectively establishes the emotional devastation of the characters, introduces new conflicts and plot developments, and explores the darker side of the superhero world."
    Weaknesses "The theme of corruption and disillusionment could be further developed and explored in future scenes."

    Ratings
    Overall

    Overall: 9

    The scene effectively establishes the emotional devastation experienced by Hughie and introduces the darker side of the superhero world, creating a strong sense of conflict and intrigue.


    Story Content

    Concept: 8

    The concept of exploring the consequences of superhero actions and the corruption within the superhero industry is compelling and engaging.

    Plot: 9

    The plot progresses as Hughie and Butcher devise a plan to infiltrate the Seven Tower and take down Homelander, setting up future conflicts and developments.

    Originality: 6

    The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While the setting and conflicts are familiar, the specific details and character dynamics add a fresh perspective. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue contributes to the originality of the scene.


    Character Development

    Characters: 9

    The characters are well-developed and their emotions and motivations are effectively portrayed, particularly Hughie's devastation and Starlight's disillusionment.

    Character Changes: 8

    Hughie experiences a significant change as he refuses to give in to Vought's attempts to silence him and decides to take action against Homelander.

    Internal Goal: 8

    The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to make a decision about whether to give up on his desire to take on Vought and accept the money offered to him. This reflects his deeper need for justice and his fear of giving in to a corrupt system.

    External Goal: 7

    The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to decide whether to take the money offered to him by Vought. This reflects the immediate circumstances and challenges he is facing, including his father's health issues and the pressure to conform to societal expectations.


    Scene Elements

    Conflict Level: 9

    The scene is filled with conflicts, including Hughie's refusal to sign the confidentiality agreement, Starlight witnessing The Deep's misconduct, and the revelation of scandalous activities in the private club.

    Opposition: 7

    The opposition in this scene is strong, as the protagonist is faced with conflicting advice from his father and the pressure to conform to societal expectations. The audience is unsure of how the protagonist will navigate these obstacles.

    High Stakes: 8

    The stakes are high as Hughie refuses to sign the confidentiality agreement and decides to take on Vought and Homelander, risking his safety and potentially exposing the corruption within the superhero industry.

    Story Forward: 9

    The scene moves the story forward by introducing new conflicts, establishing character motivations, and setting up future plot developments.

    Unpredictability: 6

    This scene is unpredictable because it presents conflicting choices for the protagonist and leaves the audience uncertain about which path he will choose. The introduction of secrets and scandals also adds an element of unpredictability.

    Philosophical Conflict: 6

    There is a philosophical conflict evident in this scene between the protagonist's desire for justice and his father's advice to take the money. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs and values, as he must decide whether to prioritize his personal goals or his family's well-being.


    Audience Engagement

    Emotional Impact: 9

    The scene evokes strong emotions, particularly in Hughie's devastation and Starlight's disillusionment, creating a powerful emotional impact.

    Dialogue: 8

    The dialogue effectively conveys the emotions and conflicts of the characters, particularly in Hughie's interactions with the Vought lawyer and his father.

    Engagement: 7

    This scene is engaging because it introduces conflicts and secrets, creates emotional stakes for the characters, and leaves the audience wanting to know more about the characters' motivations and the outcome of their decisions.

    Pacing: 8

    The pacing of this scene is effective in building tension and emotional depth. The transitions between different locations and characters are smooth, and the dialogue and actions flow naturally.


    Technical Aspect

    Formatting: 9

    The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre, with proper indentation, dialogue formatting, and scene descriptions. It is easy to read and understand.

    Structure: 8

    The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings, character actions, and dialogue. It effectively transitions between different locations and characters.


    Critique
    • This scene feels like filler and doesn't add much to the overall story. It's unclear why we need to see Starlight walking through the park and talking on the phone. It doesn't reveal anything new about her character or move the plot forward. The lack of conflict or significant dialogue or visual element makes the scene feel flat and uninteresting.
    • The scene could benefit from some sort of conflict or tension, even if it's just internal to Starlight. Perhaps she's struggling with her new life as a superhero and feeling overwhelmed, or she's having doubts about her role in Vought International. This would add depth to her character and make the scene more engaging.
    • Alternatively, the scene could be cut entirely and the story would not suffer. If the purpose of the scene is simply to show Starlight in her civilian identity, this could be accomplished in a more interesting way, such as through a conversation with another character or a flashback to her pre-superhero life.
    Suggestions
    • Consider adding some conflict or tension to the scene, either internal to Starlight or through an interaction with another character.
    • If the scene is not necessary to the story, consider cutting it entirely or finding a more interesting way to show Starlight in her civilian identity.



    Scene 12 - Finding Strength in Vulnerability
    INT. SUBURBAN HOUSE - DAY
    Starlight’s Mother makes a bedazzled PRESS SCRAPBOOK of all
    her daughter’s recent newspaper clippings.
    STARLIGHT’S MOTHER
    TA
    ...so. How amazing is it? What’s
    the Homelander like?
    ANNIE/STARLIGHT
    I... he’s busy, I haven’t really met
    him yet. Look, Mom, I gotta tell
    you what happened...
    STARLIGHT’S MOTHER
    Oh, I almost forgot. I was playing
    Mahjong with Judy and Elaine, and
    U
    they were going on and on about how
    wonderful Starlight is. Starlight
    this and Starlight that. I know, I
    know, I gotta protect your secret
    identity, but I would love to see
    the looks on their faces if I told
    them it was you.
    (beat)
    Anyway, what were you gonna say?
    ANNIE
    (long beat)
    Just that everything’s great. Just
    how I dreamed. Mom, I gotta go.
    WITH ANNIE. She hangs up. Sits on a park bench. Stares up
    at -- the radiant SEVEN TOWER. This isn’t at all what she
    thought it would be. Her dreams are dying on the vine.
    HUGHIE (O.S.)
    I’m sorry, but... are you okay?
    HUGHIE. On a bench beside her.

    (CONTINUED)
    THE BOYS #101 "Name of the Game" - 10/15/17 (NETWORK DRAFT 6) 38.
    CONTINUED:
    Both of them, watching the Tower. For very different
    reasons. She wipes a tear, embarrassed.
    ANNIE
    Yeah. I’m fine.
    Hughie pulls a CLOTH HANDKERCHIEF out of his pocket.
    Crosses to Annie. Holds it out.
    She gives him an odd look. After what she’s been through,
    she’s not ready to accept a kindness from a stranger.
    ANNIE
    No thanks.
    HUGHIE
    (self-conscious)
    I know. Cloth handkerchief. I’m
    not really 90 years old, it’s just
    my Dad was in dry cleaning, he
    insists I carry -- never mind.
    Sorry to bother you.
    Hughie pivots away. Annie looks after him -- the guy’s just
    TA
    trying to offer a little compassion in a cruel world.
    ANNIE
    No, wait. Actually, thank you,
    I’d... appreciate it.
    Hughie hands her the handkerchief. She dries her eyes.
    ANNIE
    Just having a bad day, that’s all.
    U
    HUGHIE
    That makes two of us. Work thing or
    life thing?
    Beat. No one’s been willing or able to listen to Annie.
    Now, finally, this stranger is.
    ANNIE
    Work thing. You?
    HUGHIE
    Life thing.
    They sit in silence. Another long beat. Then --
    ANNIE
    You know how you -- you have this
    image of yourself?
    HUGHIE
    Mine’s not so hot...



    (CONTINUED)
    THE BOYS #101 "Name of the Game" - 10/15/17 (NETWORK DRAFT 6) 39.
    CONTINUED: (2)
    ANNIE
    I’m sure that’s not true.
    (then)
    I always thought I was... strong,
    you know? Like, made of steel. A
    fighter.
    (then)
    But then there I was... I needed to
    fight. Had to. But -- I didn’t.
    Kept my eyes down, mouth shut, did
    what it took to keep my job. Turns
    out I’m not who I thought I was.
    And I think -- I think I just wanna
    go home.
    Hughie gives her a long, serious look.
    ANNIE
    Sorry, I didn’t mean to dump all
    that on --
    HUGHIE
    No, it’s not that. It’s just, I can
    relate, I’m -- long story.
    TA (off Annie)
    Listen. Do you like your job?
    ANNIE
    It’s the only thing I ever wanted.
    HUGHIE
    And it’s a good job? You don’t get
    kids hooked on smokes or anything?
    ANNIE
    U
    It’s a great job. I could help a
    lot of people.
    CLOSE ON HUGHIE. A flash of vulnerability. Thinking of his
    fear of A-Train. Thinking of Robin.
    HUGHIE
    Thing is, I -- I knew this girl.
    Who’d just -- charge headfirst into
    everything. Me, I backed away from
    everything, I was... I dunno...
    scared of falling or failing. But
    she’d say ‘just cause you fall on
    your ass, doesn’t mean you gotta
    stay there.’
    (then)
    So I guess I’d say the same to you.
    Pardon my french, but fuck those
    fuckers. Don’t give ‘em the
    satisfaction. You can still be a
    fighter -- just get up and fight.



    (CONTINUED)
    THE BOYS #101 "Name of the Game" - 10/15/17 (NETWORK DRAFT 6) 40.
    CONTINUED: (3)
    She gives Hughie a long, thoughtful look. Whoever this guy
    is, he told her just what she needed to hear, just when she
    needed to hear it.
    ANNIE
    Sounds like a smart girl. You
    should take her advice, too.
    Hughie glances at her. She’s right.
    HUGHIE
    I’m Hughie.
    ANNIE
    Annie.
    Off their handshake -- off a respite of tenderness amidst our
    usual madness...
    Genres: ["Drama","Superhero"]

    Summary In this scene, Starlight attends a funeral and encounters Hughie. They share their struggles and find solace in each other's company. They both realize the importance of staying true to themselves and fighting against adversity.
    Strengths
    • Authentic dialogue
    • Emotional depth
    • Character development
    Weaknesses
    • Limited external conflict
    • Lack of immediate plot progression

    Ratings
    Overall

    Overall: 9

    The scene effectively conveys the emotional depth of the characters and sets up their personal arcs. The dialogue is poignant and the interactions feel genuine.


    Story Content

    Concept: 8

    The concept of two strangers finding comfort and support in each other during a difficult time is relatable and engaging.

    Plot: 7

    The plot progresses as Hughie and Starlight discuss their personal struggles and motivations. It sets up their future actions and decisions.

    Originality: 6

    The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While the situation of a disillusioned superhero is not entirely unique, the authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds a fresh approach to the familiar theme.


    Character Development

    Characters: 9

    The characters are well-developed and their vulnerabilities make them relatable. Their interactions reveal their inner strength and growth potential.

    Character Changes: 8

    Both Hughie and Starlight experience a shift in their perspectives and find renewed determination to face their challenges.

    Internal Goal: 8

    The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to come to terms with her disappointment and disillusionment with her superhero career. It reflects her deeper need for validation and her fear of not living up to her own expectations.

    External Goal: 7

    The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to find solace and support from a stranger. It reflects the immediate challenge she is facing of feeling alone and lost in her superhero career.


    Scene Elements

    Conflict Level: 4

    The conflict in this scene is primarily internal, as the characters grapple with their own insecurities and doubts.

    Opposition: 6

    The opposition in this scene is not strong. The protagonist faces internal conflict and emotional challenges, but there are no external obstacles or opposition that create uncertainty for the audience.

    High Stakes: 6

    While the immediate stakes in this scene are not extremely high, the emotional stakes for the characters are significant.

    Story Forward: 7

    The scene deepens the characters' motivations and sets up their future actions, contributing to the overall progression of the story.

    Unpredictability: 7

    This scene is unpredictable because it introduces a stranger who offers unexpected kindness and support to the protagonist, challenging the audience's expectations.

    Philosophical Conflict: 0

    There is no evident philosophical conflict in this scene.


    Audience Engagement

    Emotional Impact: 9

    The scene evokes strong emotions through the characters' raw and honest conversations. It resonates with the audience on an emotional level.

    Dialogue: 8

    The dialogue is heartfelt and captures the emotional state of the characters. It effectively conveys their thoughts and feelings.

    Engagement: 9

    This scene is engaging because it explores the protagonist's emotional journey and creates a sense of empathy and connection with the audience.

    Pacing: 8

    The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by allowing moments of introspection and reflection, as well as building tension and anticipation.


    Technical Aspect

    Formatting: 9

    The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It includes proper indentation, dialogue formatting, and action lines.

    Structure: 8

    The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It includes clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue.


    Critique
    • The scene could benefit from more specific and detailed descriptions of the characters' actions and emotions.
    • The dialogue between Starlight's Mother and Annie/Starlight feels a bit generic and could be more specific to their relationship and the situation.
    • The conflict between Annie/Starlight and her mother could be explored further and resolved in a more satisfying way.
    • The emotional tone of the scene could be enhanced by adding more internal thoughts and reflections from Annie/Starlight.
    • The visual element of Annie/Starlight staring at the Seven Tower could be emphasized with more vivid and evocative language.
    Suggestions
    • Add specific actions and gestures for the characters to make their interactions more dynamic and engaging.
    • Develop the dialogue to reflect the unique dynamics of Starlight's Mother and Annie/Starlight's relationship.
    • Explore the conflict between Annie/Starlight and her mother in more depth and find a resolution that feels true to their characters.
    • Include more internal thoughts and reflections from Annie/Starlight to deepen the emotional impact of the scene.
    • Use descriptive language to create a vivid and evocative image of Annie/Starlight staring at the Seven Tower.



    Scene 13 - The Beginning of a Plan
    INT. DIVE BAR - DAY
    BUTCHER. Sits at the bar. Stares into his soda. When --
    TA
    A BEAUTIFUL REDHEAD, 30, approaches him.
    booth-full of friends.
    REDHEAD
    Egged on by her


    Hi. Hello. So I’m sure this is a
    terrible idea, but my friends have
    dared me -- to buy you a drink.
    BUTCHER
    You’re right.
    (then)
    It is a terrible idea.
    U
    REDHEAD
    (ouch)
    Oh, uh, okay. Sorry.
    Crash and burn. She goes. Who is this guy?
    When Hughie ENTERS. Passing the Redhead. To Butcher --
    HUGHIE
    Hey. Hoping I’d find you here.
    Butcher smiles to himself. It was only a matter of time
    before Hughie showed up.
    BUTCHER
    Boy, this is a shocker. Not
    expectin’ to see you again.
    HUGHIE
    Okay. Let’s get A-Train.



    (CONTINUED)
    THE BOYS #101 "Name of the Game" - 10/15/17 (NETWORK DRAFT 6) 41.
    CONTINUED:
    BUTCHER
    (feigns reluctance)
    I dunno, mate. How do I know you
    ain’t gonna leg it like last night?
    How do I know you got the bottle?
    HUGHIE
    I’ve got the -- I don’t know what
    ‘bottle’ means in that context, but
    I’m in, man, I wanna do this.
    BUTCHER
    You gonna see this through? To the
    end?
    HUGHIE
    Yes.
    BUTCHER
    Right, then.
    INT. DIVE BAR - BY THE BATHROOM - LATER
    Hughie, on his cell. Butcher, listening.
    TA HUGHIE
    ...Mr. Friedman, got your message,
    and wow, 75k is -- life changing.
    I’ll sign whatever you want. I just
    -- I need one more thing. An
    apology from A-Train.
    DOUG FRIEDMAN (ON PHONE)
    He already apologized.
    U
    HUGHIE
    No. He gave his regrets. And his
    sympathy. On TV. But I want him to
    look me in the eye and say he’s
    sorry.
    DOUG FRIEDMAN (ON PHONE)
    Okay, I’ll ask. But I’m telling
    you, Hugh, the answer’s gonna be no.
    Click. Hughie hangs up. To Butcher --
    HUGHIE
    Don’t think they’re going for it.
    BUTCHER
    Oh yes, they will. And in the
    Tower, too. They’re not gonna wanna
    air this shit in public.
    Off Butcher’s knowing smirk --
    THE BOYS #101 "Name of the Game" - 10/15/17 (NETWORK DRAFT 6) 42.


    INT. THE SEVEN TOWER - BOARDROOM - DAY
    A-Train. With Julia Stillwell. Having a quiet side-bar in
    the corner as the other members of the Seven enter the
    BOARDROOM for their official meeting.
    A-TRAIN
    No. No way.
    JULIA STILLWELL
    We gotta put this behind us, it’s
    five minutes out of your day.
    A-TRAIN
    So some dude can blubber all over
    me? I’m -- not good in situations
    like that. No.
    Julia steps forward. Her genial smile never leaves her face.
    JULIA STILLWELL
    You know. The Blue Bolt shaved
    another point off his mile. He’s
    almost as fast as you. Impressive,
    TA especially someone that young.
    A-TRAIN
    The hell is that supposed to mean?
    JULIA STILLWELL
    Look, I’m just trying to help. You
    know I love you, but I’m only one
    person in this company. You don’t
    want the guys upstairs to start
    bitching that you’re difficult.
    U
    Like they did with the Lamplighter.
    Off A-Train...
    INT. DIVE BAR - DAY
    Butcher. Hughie. At the bar. Waiting. When -- RING!
    Hughie’s cell. He answers.
    HUGHIE
    Hello? Yes, Mr. Friedman...?
    He gives Butcher a look. They’re in. Butcher knew it.
    INT. THE SEVEN TOWER - BATHROOM - DAY
    Starlight. Back in uniform. Alone at the sink.
    She stares at herself in the mirror. Suppressing her fear
    and anger. Fuck ‘em. She won’t give ‘em the satisfaction.
    THE BOYS #101 "Name of the Game" - 10/15/17 (NETWORK DRAFT 6) 43.


    INT. THE SEVEN TOWER - BOARDROOM - DAY
    Starlight enters. The Seven have gathered, a modern-day
    Knights of the Oblong Conference Table. Homelander at the
    head. Julia Stillwell observes in the corner.
    HOMELANDER
    (pure Costner)
    Starlight. Don’t wanna be late for
    your first official meeting. I had
    a whole welcome speech planned.
    STARLIGHT
    Sorry, Sir.
    HOMELANDER
    Homelander is fine.
    DEEP
    We were beginning to wonder if you’d
    even show up.
    She glares at the Deep, defiant. She’s literally got a look
    to kill and wants to use it. But she restrains herself.
    TA (dry)
    STARLIGHT
    Oh, no, I’m excited to be here. I’m
    on pins and needles.
    The Deep. Glares at her, surprised. Didn’t expect this much
    grit from Starlight.
    As a floating pair of reading glasses in the next chair
    peruses some paperwork --
    U
    TRANSLUCENT
    ...can we get back to this please,
    this is a serious crime.
    (then)
    Copyright infringement of our
    brands, individually and
    collectively, is costing Vought 1.2
    billion per year. That’s money out
    of our pockets. We’ve all got,
    what, four points each?
    As they ramble on... Starlight. She acts calm, strong. But
    she’s wearing a mask.
    A-TRAIN
    Fuck. You’ve got four points?
    QUEEN MAEVE
    And clearly, better lawyers.
    HOMELANDER
    Hey. C’mon. Stop.

    (CONTINUED)
    THE BOYS #101 "Name of the Game" - 10/15/17 (NETWORK DRAFT 6) 44.
    CONTINUED:
    Everyone shuts up. Turns to the Homelander. He commands
    unwavering respect --
    HOMELANDER
    (pure Clooney)
    What’s Starlight gonna think,
    listening to us haggle over nickels?
    We’re the Seven for God’s sake. Now
    what I want to hear -- is who you
    saved this week. Black Noir, let’s
    start with you --
    The guy really is an omnipotent Boy Scout. Off this --
    Genres: ["Drama","Action","Superhero"]

    Summary In this scene, Hughie attends Robin's funeral and is approached by a Vought lawyer offering restitution. Hughie is devastated by Robin's death and refuses to sign a confidentiality agreement. The scene also introduces Starlight, a young superheroine, as she witnesses The Deep engaging in drug use and mistreating a girl. Hughie and Butcher discuss the suspicious circumstances surrounding Robin's death and devise a plan to infiltrate the Seven Tower. Hughie initially refuses, fearing for his safety, but Butcher convinces him to go through with it. The scene ends with Butcher vowing to take down Homelander.
    Strengths "The scene effectively establishes the emotional stakes and conflicts, introduces important plot elements and characters, and sets up the main objective of the story."
    Weaknesses "The scene could benefit from more nuanced dialogue and further exploration of the theme."

    Ratings
    Overall

    Overall: 9

    The scene effectively establishes the emotional stakes for the characters and sets up the main conflict of the story. It also introduces important plot elements and showcases the determination of the main characters.


    Story Content

    Concept: 8

    The concept of exploring the dark side of superheroes and the corrupt nature of the superhero industry is intriguing and engaging.

    Plot: 9

    The plot of the scene revolves around Hughie's grief and his decision to join Butcher in seeking justice for Robin's death. It sets up the main objective of infiltrating the Seven Tower and establishes the conflict between the protagonists and Vought.

    Originality: 6

    This scene has a moderate level of originality. While the situation of a protagonist seeking revenge is familiar, the specific circumstances and character dynamics are unique. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality.


    Character Development

    Characters: 9

    The characters in this scene are well-developed and their emotions and motivations are clearly portrayed. The introduction of Starlight adds depth to the superhero world and Hughie's grief and determination make him a relatable protagonist.

    Character Changes: 8

    Hughie experiences a significant change in this scene, as he goes from being devastated and hesitant to determined and willing to take action.

    Internal Goal: 8

    The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to confront A-Train and get an apology from him. This reflects his deeper need for closure and justice after A-Train killed his girlfriend.

    External Goal: 7

    The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to convince Butcher to help him confront A-Train. This reflects the immediate challenge of getting Butcher on board with his plan.


    Scene Elements

    Conflict Level: 9

    The conflict in this scene is high, as the characters are dealing with grief, facing moral dilemmas, and planning a dangerous mission.

    Opposition: 7

    The opposition in this scene is strong, as the protagonist faces resistance from Butcher and potential challenges in confronting A-Train.

    High Stakes: 9

    The stakes are high in this scene, as the characters are dealing with grief, seeking justice, and planning a dangerous mission that could have severe consequences.

    Story Forward: 9

    The scene moves the story forward by establishing the main objective of infiltrating the Seven Tower and setting up the conflicts and motivations of the characters.

    Unpredictability: 7

    This scene is unpredictable because it is unclear how the protagonist's confrontation with A-Train will go and what the outcome will be.

    Philosophical Conflict: 7

    There is a philosophical conflict evident in this scene between the protagonist's desire for justice and closure and A-Train's unwillingness to apologize. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs about accountability and redemption.


    Audience Engagement

    Emotional Impact: 9

    The scene evokes strong emotions, particularly sadness and anger, through the portrayal of grief and injustice. It also instills hope through the characters' determination to seek justice.

    Dialogue: 8

    The dialogue effectively conveys the emotions and motivations of the characters. It also sets up the conflicts and foreshadows future events.

    Engagement: 9

    This scene is engaging because it introduces conflict and raises questions about the protagonist's plan and the outcome of their confrontation with A-Train.

    Pacing: 8

    The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension and anticipation through the dialogue and narrative description.


    Technical Aspect

    Formatting: 9

    The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre, with proper indentation and spacing.

    Structure: 8

    The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings and dialogue formatting.


    Critique
    • The scene lacks clear objectives for the characters. It is unclear why the Redhead approaches Butcher and why Hughie shows up at the bar.
    • The dialogue between Butcher and the Redhead feels forced and lacks depth. It could benefit from more subtext and tension.
    • The interaction between Butcher and Hughie is more engaging, but their conversation could be more dynamic and reveal more about their characters.
    • The scene could benefit from more visual elements to enhance the atmosphere of the dive bar.
    • The ending of the scene feels abrupt and could be strengthened by adding a cliffhanger or a moment of suspense.
    Suggestions
    • Clarify the motivations of the Redhead and Hughie in this scene to make their interactions more meaningful.
    • Revise the dialogue between Butcher and the Redhead to add depth and subtext.
    • Develop the conversation between Butcher and Hughie to reveal more about their characters and their relationship.
    • Add visual elements to enhance the atmosphere of the dive bar, such as descriptions of the surroundings or the behavior of other patrons.
    • Consider ending the scene with a cliffhanger or a moment of suspense to create anticipation for the next scene.



    Scene 14 - Infiltrating The Seven Tower
    EXT. THE SEVEN TOWER/INT. BUTCHER’S CAR - NIGHT
    PAN DOWN off the SEVEN TOWER to reveal -- Butcher’s car. The
    behemoth of a Caddy.
    INSIDE THE CAR. Hughie, anxious as hell. Looks in the back
    seat -- notices some STRAY DOG TOYS. Bright, cutesy, squeaky
    rubber animals. Seems out of character for Butcher.
    HUGHIE
    TA
    You have a dog?
    BUTCHER
    No.
    Butcher doesn’t elaborate further. On Hughie -- umkay.
    BUTCHER
    Give us your phone.
    Hughie complies. Butcher pops it out of its case. Then
    U
    pulls out a BUG. As wide and thin as a silver dollar.
    BUTCHER
    Security won’t find it, or the X-
    ray.
    Butcher hides the bug in Hughie’s phone case, clicks the
    phone back in place OVER it --
    BUTCHER
    Now, what they’ll probably do is
    take you to the boardroom. Give it
    a minute, say you need a crap. Take
    out the bug when you’re in the bog.
    Glue’s there on one side, see? Go
    back, stick it under the boardroom
    table, that’s that.
    Hughie’s heart is racing. Commencing another panic attack?
    He starts spluttering --
    HUGHIE
    That’s that? Kinda seems like -- a
    lot, actually. What if --
    (CONTINUED)
    THE BOYS #101 "Name of the Game" - 10/15/17 (NETWORK DRAFT 6) 45.
    CONTINUED:
    BUTCHER
    Hughie. Two choices. One: go an’
    whine to a shrink for the rest of
    your life, pop some Klonopin, maybe
    punch an A-Train doll. Two: stop
    bein’ such a cunt. What do you say?
    Off Hughie. He swallows nervously -- a major effort -- and
    climbs out of the car.
    INT. THE SEVEN TOWER - LOBBY - NIGHT
    Hughie. GRIPPING his phone. We hear his THUMPING HEART. As
    he enters the hypermodern lobby. Approaches Ashley the
    publicist, surgically attached to her Blackberry.
    HUGHIE
    Hi -- are you Ashley? I’m Hughie
    Campbell...?
    Ashley smiles, thin. She’s used to working with Gods. Not
    mere mortals.
    ASHLEY
    TA
    Follow me, Mr. Campbell.
    Ashley leads Hughie through the SECURITY CHECKPOINT. He
    anxiously flits his eyes at --
    POV’s. HEAVY FUCKING HARDWARE. SECURITY GUARDS with semi-
    automatics. SURVEILLANCE CAMS mounted everywhere.
    A stutter-step, as he drops his PHONE through the x-ray
    machine. Hughie walks through the metal detector, eyes on
    the X-RAY TECH. Who... shit, SQUINTS at the monitor...
    U
    X-RAY TECH
    Sir, may I examine your phone?
    HUGHIE
    Uh -- sure.
    Hughie’s about to have a heart attack. As the X-Ray Tech
    carefully pores over the phone. Turns it around. Is he
    gonna pop it from its case? Find the bug? This seems to
    last FUCKING FOREVER. Hughie sweats bullets. Until --
    X-RAY TECH
    Have a “Super” day.
    The Tech hands it over. Hughie collects his phone, follows
    Ashley to the elevators.
    INT. THE SEVEN TOWER - BOARDROOM - NIGHT
    Ashley opens the door to the boardroom.



    (CONTINUED)
    THE BOYS #101 "Name of the Game" - 10/15/17 (NETWORK DRAFT 6) 46.
    CONTINUED:
    ASHLEY
    Wait here, please. A-Train will be
    with you shortly.
    She’s already off before Hughie can say thanks.
    INT. THE SEVEN TOWER - BOARDROOM - TWENTY MINUTES LATER
    Hughie. Alone. Sitting at the table in the imposing,
    cavernous room. Clenching his phone.
    He stares at it, tries to will himself not to sweat. Is this
    his moment? Should he go to the bathroom now? While no one
    is here, no one is watching?
    BEEP! The desk INTERCOM comes to life.
    ASSISTANT ON PHONE
    Won’t be long, Mr. Campbell.
    HUGHIE
    I need to -- go to the bathroom.
    Hello?
    TA
    But the intercom has already clicked off.
    Hughie. Takes a beat. Takes a breath. Grips his phone.
    Steels himself. He can do this. This is it.
    Stands up. Heads to the door. Reaches for the knob --
    The door suddenly swings open! And A-TRAIN enters, followed
    by Ashley, various HANDLERS, and Doug Friedman -- who begins
    to lay out the documents on the table.
    U
    CLOSE ON HUGHIE. Face-to-face with A-Train. Nose to nose.
    Tete-a-tete. The source of all his misery. Anger. Anxiety.
    DOUG FRIEDMAN
    Just to be clear, A-Train’s apology
    isn’t an admission of any sort of
    culpability whatsoever, do you
    understand?
    Hughie manages a nod. The Lawyer gives A-Train the okay.
    A-TRAIN
    (a sullen 3rd grader)
    Hey, man. I’m sorry what happened
    to your girlfriend. Alright?
    A-Train reaches out his hand to shake.
    CLOSE ON HUGHIE. Wide-angle, like in the bodega. Breathing
    shallow. Heart pounding. Eyes wide. He’s about to plunge
    into another PTSD attack! He glances down at his PHONE,
    which he grips, white-knuckled.


    (CONTINUED)
    THE BOYS #101 "Name of the Game" - 10/15/17 (NETWORK DRAFT 6) 47.
    CONTINUED:
    The Lawyer and the Publicist trade concerned looks. A-Train
    looks down at Hughie’s phone, too.
    A-TRAIN
    Buddy. You okay?
    Hughie’s gonna blow it! A cringe-worthy beat. Another!
    But then... he takes a deep breath. Pulls himself together.
    Into the AMAZING SALESMAN HE IS.
    Firmly shakes hands. Cool as shit.
    HUGHIE
    Fine. I appreciate the apology.
    But accidents happen, right? And
    after all, you were saving the
    world.
    ASHLEY
    (sighs with relief)
    Okay, thank you, Mr. Campbell. Now
    if you’ll excuse us, a crime-
    fighter’s work is never done, but
    TA
    Douglas here will stay behind, get
    you those documents...
    A-Train, Ashley, and the various handlers beat a hasty
    retreat. Leaving Doug Friedman behind, who holds out a pen.
    HUGHIE
    Where’s your bathroom?
    INT. THE SEVEN TOWER - BATHROOM - NIGHT
    U
    Hughie enters, heads into a stall.
    INSIDE THE STALL. He sits on the toilet. Wrenches his phone
    from its case. But if your case is anything like mine,
    that’s never, ever easy. He tugs a bit too hard --
    The phone CLACKS to the floor! Even worse, so does the BUG!
    Which spins like a quarter before landing on the linoleum.
    It’s still in the stall, but right beneath the door, in plain
    view if anyone was looking for it --
    Hughie. Shit. Which escalates into FUCK when --
    The door opens and SOMEONE ENTERS. Hughie freezes. He can’t
    tell who it is, he only spots boots. But we can see --
    It’s STARLIGHT. She moves to the sink, stares in the mirror,
    gets her game face back on. If she saw Hughie, she’d
    recognize him!
    But... she doesn’t see him, and he never sees her. She
    exits. Hughie breathes a sigh of relief. Near miss. Snags
    the bug and the phone.

    (CONTINUED)
    THE BOYS #101 "Name of the Game" - 10/15/17 (NETWORK DRAFT 6) 48.
    CONTINUED:
    He exits the stall. Exits the bathroom. But we hold a BEAT.
    As TRANSLUCENT materializes in the bathroom corner. Naked.
    He was just gonna perv out again, but instead, he saw the
    whole damn thing. He frowns. What the hell? Off this --
    EXT. THE SEVEN TOWER - NIGHT
    Hughie exits the lobby. Flush with victory. Struts down the
    street like fucking Travolta. Up to Butcher’s car.
    Butcher gives him a curious look. Well? Hughie breaks into
    a wide grin. Nods. He did it. He actually did it!
    Genres: ["Drama","Action"]

    Summary In this scene, Hughie attends Robin's funeral and is approached by a Vought lawyer offering restitution. Hughie is devastated by Robin's death and refuses to sign a confidentiality agreement. The scene also introduces Starlight, a young superheroine, as she witnesses The Deep engaging in drug use and mistreating a girl. Hughie and Butcher discuss the suspicious circumstances surrounding Robin's death and devise a plan to infiltrate the Seven Tower. Hughie initially refuses, fearing for his safety, but Butcher convinces him to go through with it. The scene ends with Butcher vowing to take down Homelander.
    Strengths "The scene effectively builds tension and develops the characters' motivations."
    Weaknesses "The theme could be further explored and the dialogue could be more impactful."

    Ratings
    Overall

    Overall: 9

    The scene is well-written and engaging, with a good balance of tension and character development.


    Story Content

    Concept: 8

    The concept of infiltrating the Seven Tower and seeking justice for Robin's death is intriguing and drives the plot forward.

    Plot: 9

    The plot is well-structured and keeps the audience engaged with its twists and turns.

    Originality: 6

    The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While there are no unique situations or fresh approaches to familiar ones, the authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds a sense of realism.


    Character Development

    Characters: 9

    The characters are well-developed and their struggles and motivations are relatable.

    Character Changes: 7

    Hughie experiences a shift in his mindset, from initially refusing to take action to being convinced by Butcher to go through with the plan.

    Internal Goal: 8

    The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to successfully plant a bug in the boardroom without getting caught. This reflects his desire to prove himself and gain control over his situation.

    External Goal: 7

    The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to obtain documents from Doug Friedman. This reflects the immediate challenge he is facing in his mission to gather evidence against A-Train.


    Scene Elements

    Conflict Level: 9

    The conflict between Hughie and Vought, as well as the plan to infiltrate the Seven Tower, creates tension and drives the scene forward.

    Opposition: 8

    The opposition in this scene is strong, as the protagonist faces multiple obstacles and challenges, such as the security measures and the near miss with Starlight.

    High Stakes: 9

    The stakes are high, as Hughie is seeking justice for Robin's death and risking his safety by infiltrating the Seven Tower.

    Story Forward: 9

    The scene moves the story forward by introducing new conflicts and advancing the plan to infiltrate the Seven Tower.

    Unpredictability: 7

    This scene is unpredictable because it introduces unexpected obstacles and challenges for the protagonist, such as the near miss with Starlight in the bathroom.

    Philosophical Conflict: 0

    There is no evident philosophical conflict in this scene.


    Audience Engagement

    Emotional Impact: 8

    The scene evokes strong emotions, particularly in Hughie's devastation over Robin's death and his determination to seek justice.

    Dialogue: 8

    The dialogue is realistic and reveals important information about the characters and their relationships.

    Engagement: 9

    This scene is engaging because it creates a sense of tension and suspense through the protagonist's actions and the high stakes of his mission.

    Pacing: 8

    The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by creating a sense of urgency and building suspense as the protagonist navigates the security measures and prepares to plant the bug.


    Technical Aspect

    Formatting: 9

    The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre, with proper use of capitalization, punctuation, and scene transitions.

    Structure: 8

    The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings, action lines, and dialogue.


    Critique
    • The scene lacks clear conflict or tension. It seems to be more of a transitional scene rather than one that drives the story forward.
    • The emotional tone of the scene could be heightened to create more impact. The humiliation and disappointment that Starlight feels could be portrayed more effectively.
    • The dialogue in this scene could be more impactful and revealing of the characters' emotions and motivations.
    • There is a missed opportunity to explore the dynamic between Starlight and Queen Maeve further. Their interaction could be more meaningful and provide deeper insight into their characters.
    • The appearance of Translucent feels random and disconnected from the rest of the scene. It could be better integrated into the narrative.
    • The ending of the scene could be stronger and leave a lasting impression on the audience.
    Suggestions
    • Introduce a clear conflict or tension in the scene to make it more engaging.
    • Amplify the emotional impact of the scene by delving deeper into Starlight's humiliation and disappointment.
    • Revise the dialogue to make it more revealing of the characters' emotions and motivations.
    • Develop the interaction between Starlight and Queen Maeve to provide more depth to their relationship.
    • Integrate the appearance of Translucent more seamlessly into the scene to make it feel more cohesive.
    • Craft a stronger ending that leaves a lasting impression on the audience.



    Scene 15 - The Showdown
    EXT. BRYMAN AUDIO VISUAL/INT. BUTCHER’S CAR - NIGHT
    Butcher pulls up in front of Hughie’s Electronics Store.
    Quiet night. No one inside but GARY, the owner.
    INSIDE THE CAR. Hughie, still pumped with adrenaline.
    HUGHIE
    That was awesome. Staring that
    TA
    asshole down? I get why you dig
    this job, man --
    BUTCHER
    Got its moments.
    HUGHIE
    But you’re right -- fuck A-Train,
    fuck --
    (finally noticing)
    What’re we doing here?
    U
    BUTCHER
    How d’you mean? You gotta go back
    to work, yeah?
    HUGHIE
    I -- sorry?
    BUTCHER
    Hughie, you were brilliant. But
    that’s all I needed you for.
    HUGHIE
    What? But -- I don’t -- I mean, I
    can help you, let me help --
    BUTCHER
    You did help. I got it from here.
    (a final)
    Cheers.
    Beat. Doesn’t seem like Butcher is budging.



    (CONTINUED)
    THE BOYS #101 "Name of the Game" - 10/15/17 (NETWORK DRAFT 6) 49.
    CONTINUED:
    HUGHIE
    Um. Right. Okay.
    Hughie climbs out, tries to hide his disappointment. He
    gives Butcher a ‘goodbye’ nod.
    HUGHIE
    Oh, hey, almost forgot -- ever see
    an asshole tear up 75k?
    Hughie takes out the VOUGHT CHECK. RIPS it.
    BUTCHER
    You’re a good lad, Hughie. Not all
    that common in my line of work.
    Off Hughie, nodding back -- but feels oddly dissatisfied.
    INT. BRYMAN AUDIO VISUAL - NIGHT - LATER
    ON THE TV. MSNBC. CHRIS HAYES converses with a NATIONAL
    SECURITY EXPERT. Forever droning talking heads.
    TA CHRIS HAYES (ON TV)
    ...policing cities is a thorny
    enough issue as it is, but allowing
    Superheroes into national defense?
    We’d be basically privatizing war...
    EXPERT (ON TV)
    Sooner or later, it’s inevitable...
    IN THE STORE. Gary throws on his jacket.
    GARY
    U
    Alright, g’night, Hughie. You’ll
    lock up?
    (off Hughie’s nod)
    I’m still thinking about that raise,
    you know.
    HUGHIE
    Yeah, okay, thanks, Gary.
    Gary exits. Hughie. Behind the counter. Stares at the TV.
    Returning to this shitty fucking job, after all that
    intrigue, feels anti-climactic, both for Hughie and for us.
    But then...
    ANGLE. Hughie’s back to the door. So he doesn’t see it
    OPEN. And CLOSE. By ITSELF. He only hears the bell JINGLE.
    HUGHIE
    (as he pivots)
    Sorry. I’m closing up --
    (room’s empty)
    Hello?

    (CONTINUED)
    THE BOYS #101 "Name of the Game" - 10/15/17 (NETWORK DRAFT 6) 50.
    CONTINUED:
    A ghostly, disembodied VOICE --
    TRANSLUCENT (O.S.)
    Who are you?
    HUGHIE
    (twirling)
    The fuck? Where --
    TRANSLUCENT (O.S.)
    Right in front of you.
    That silver dollar BUG floats in the air before Hughie.
    TRANSLUCENT (O.S.)
    You think I wouldn’t find this
    thing?!
    Hughie barely has time to register surprise, when -- WHACK!
    His head SNAPS to the side from an INVISIBLE PUNCH. Blood
    flings from the side of his mouth. Oh. Shit.
    INT. BUTCHER’S CAR/EXT. BACK ALLEY - NIGHT - CONTINUOUS
    TA
    Butcher. Parked in some abandoned back alley. Has a LAPTOP
    open on the passenger seat. Listening to the BUG. Which
    means he’s listening to Hughie.
    HUGHIE (O.S.)
    Please! I don’t know what you’re
    talking about!
    TRANSLUCENT (O.S.)
    Don’t give me that, I followed you
    from the Tower!
    U
    BUTCHER
    Fuckin’ hell, Hughie, you got
    yourself made.
    CLOSE ON BUTCHER. Maybe there’s a wisp of regret fluttering
    over his face. Then again, maybe not. Guy’s a mystery.
    From the LAPTOP -- unmistakable sounds of CRASHING GLASS --
    BUTCHER
    Ah, well.
    Butcher closes the laptop. Sound shuts off. Seemingly
    washing his hands of the whole sordid business...
    INT. BRYMAN AUDIO VISUAL - NIGHT
    WHAM! Hughie is SHOVED BACK into a wall of TV’s. Some CRASH
    to the floor, LIVE WIRES SPARKING! As Hughie gets his ASS
    KICKED by an invisible man.



    (CONTINUED)
    THE BOYS #101 "Name of the Game" - 10/15/17 (NETWORK DRAFT 6) 51.
    CONTINUED:
    TRANSLUCENT (O.S.)
    Who was that guy you were with?! In
    the car?
    With admirable bravery, Hughie doesn’t answer --
    So he’s THROWN again. CRASH! OUCH!
    TRANSLUCENT (O.S.)
    Who was he?? He put you up to this?
    HUGHIE
    I don’t know! He was just a fucking
    Uber driver, okay?!
    TRANSLUCENT (O.S.)
    Why’d you plant the bug??
    HUGHIE
    ...please... please...
    We can SEE -- HEAR -- the crunch of glass. As Translucent
    stalks closer to Hughie. Closer.
    TA TRANSLUCENT (O.S.)
    Think you can just fuck with us?
    We’re the Seven! Earth’s Most
    Mighty! Champions of the Innocent!
    This is it. Curtains for Hughie. Fat Lady steps up to the
    mike, clears her throat, and --
    SMASH!!
    BUTCHER’S CAR CAREENS THROUGH THE STORE’S FRONT WINDOW!
    U
    SHATTERING THE GLASS. DIRECTLY IN FRONT OF HUGHIE!
    KNOCKING TRANSLUCENT CLEAR ACROSS THE ROOM. We can tell,
    from the CRUNCH of his body on the windshield, from the THUD
    against a collapsing shelf of ELECTRONICS.
    Butcher climbs out of the car. For some reason, he holds a
    sparking CATTLE PROD (stay tuned for why).
    BUTCHER
    Hughie, run.
    (Hughie hesitates)
    Fuckin’ run!
    Hughie scrambles for the back room of the store -- as Butcher
    straightens up, pivots to Translucent --
    BUTCHER
    Let him be, you invisible cunt.
    TRANSLUCENT (O.S.)
    Who are you?


    (CONTINUED)
    THE BOYS #101 "Name of the Game" - 10/15/17 (NETWORK DRAFT 6) 52.
    CONTINUED: (2)
    BUTCHER
    I’ll tell you who you are. A
    fuckin’ joke, mate.
    TRANSLUCENT (O.S.)
    That so?
    BUTCHER
    Translucent doesn’t even mean
    ‘invisible,’ you silly twat. It
    means ‘semi-transparent.’
    Butcher LUNGES with the CATTLE PROD. But he misses -- not so
    easy to fight an invisible man.
    Translucent RIPS the CATTLE PROD out of Butcher’s HAND.
    Hurls it out of reach. SHIT.
    INT. BRYMAN AUDIO VISUAL - BACK ROOM - CONTINUOUS
    CLOSE ON HUGHIE. Darting past boxes and equipment, about to
    escape out the back. He opens the door --
    TA
    And STOPS. Who is he gonna be? Someone who backs down? Or
    someone who fights?
    When he sees, on a rack in front of him -- some CARBON
    COMPONENT CABLES. He looks at them. Thinking.
    Genres: ["Drama","Action","Superhero"]

    Summary Hughie, devastated by Robin's death, refuses to back down and seeks revenge against the superheroes. Butcher, recognizing Hughie's bravery, decides to help him and together they confront Translucent, one of the Seven. The scene ends with a car crashing into the store, saving Hughie from Translucent's attack.
    Strengths
    • Intense action
    • Emotional depth
    • Strong character development
    Weaknesses
    • Limited exploration of themes
    • Some dialogue could be more impactful

    Ratings
    Overall

    Overall: 9

    The scene is highly engaging and emotionally charged, with a strong plot and well-developed characters.


    Story Content

    Concept: 8

    The concept of ordinary people standing up against corrupt superheroes is intriguing and adds depth to the story.

    Plot: 9

    The plot is well-paced and keeps the audience on the edge of their seats, with unexpected twists and turns.

    Originality: 6

    The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While there are no unique situations or fresh approaches to familiar ones, the authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the overall authenticity of the scene.


    Character Development

    Characters: 9

    The characters are well-developed and their motivations and actions are believable and relatable.

    Character Changes: 8

    Hughie undergoes a transformation from a grieving and hesitant individual to a determined fighter.

    Internal Goal: 8

    The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to prove himself and be useful to Butcher. This reflects his desire to be part of something bigger and to make a difference.

    External Goal: 7

    The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to help Butcher with his mission. This reflects the immediate challenge of dealing with Translucent and the need to protect themselves.


    Scene Elements

    Conflict Level: 10

    The conflict between Hughie and Translucent creates high tension and raises the stakes.

    Opposition: 8

    The opposition in this scene is strong, as the protagonist faces a physical threat from Translucent and a moral dilemma of whether to continue helping Butcher.

    High Stakes: 10

    The stakes are high as Hughie confronts a powerful and dangerous superhero.

    Story Forward: 9

    The scene moves the story forward by introducing a major conflict and setting up future events.

    Unpredictability: 7

    This scene is unpredictable because it includes unexpected actions and twists, such as Butcher crashing his car into the store and the invisible fight with Translucent.

    Philosophical Conflict: 0

    There is no evident philosophical conflict in this scene.


    Audience Engagement

    Emotional Impact: 9

    The scene evokes strong emotions, particularly sadness and determination.

    Dialogue: 8

    The dialogue is sharp and reveals the characters' emotions and intentions effectively.

    Engagement: 9

    This scene is engaging because it introduces a conflict, builds suspense, and keeps the audience invested in the protagonist's journey.

    Pacing: 9

    The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by keeping the audience engaged and building tension through the fast-paced dialogue and action.


    Technical Aspect

    Formatting: 9

    The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It includes scene headings, character names, dialogue, and action descriptions.

    Structure: 8

    The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It starts with an establishing shot, introduces the characters and their goals, and builds up to a climax.


    Critique
    • The scene lacks clear transitions between locations and actions, making it confusing for the reader to follow.
    • The dialogue between Butcher and Hughie feels abrupt and lacks depth. It would benefit from more emotional nuance and subtext.
    • The visual description of Hughie's disappointment and dissatisfaction could be more vivid and impactful.
    • The introduction of Translucent and the attack on Hughie feels rushed and lacks buildup. It would benefit from more tension and suspense.
    • The resolution of the conflict between Butcher and Translucent is anticlimactic and lacks a satisfying payoff.
    • The scene could benefit from more sensory details and immersive language to enhance the reader's experience.
    Suggestions
    • Add clear scene headings and transitions to indicate changes in location and time.
    • Develop the dialogue between Butcher and Hughie to reveal more about their relationship and motivations.
    • Enhance the visual description of Hughie's disappointment and dissatisfaction to evoke a stronger emotional response.
    • Build up the tension and suspense leading to Translucent's attack on Hughie.
    • Revise the resolution of the conflict between Butcher and Translucent to create a more satisfying climax.
    • Incorporate sensory details and immersive language to engage the reader's senses and create a more vivid reading experience.



    Scene 16 - Confrontation and Revelation
    INT. BRYMAN AUDIO VISUAL - CONTINUOUS
    WHACK! Translucent punches Butcher across the jaw. Then --
    WHACK! Another hit. Butcher only grins, his teeth red.
    Then ingeniously SPITS BLOOD in Translucent’s FACE. We see
    U
    the spattered BLOOD FLOATING IN MID-AIR.
    BUTCHER
    There you are.
    Butcher SWINGS -- CONNECTS! But then --
    Translucent HITS BACK. Over and over. Harder and harder.
    It doesn’t look good for Butcher. Until --
    Suddenly, Hughie is THERE! He PULLS the FIRE ALARM!
    WATER SPRAYS from OVERHEAD SPRINKLERS --
    Revealing TRANSLUCENT. WATER SPLASHES over his BODY!
    HUGHIE
    The TV!
    Butcher glances -- spots a SMASHED TV on the ground, throwing
    sparks into a growing PUDDLE.


    (CONTINUED)
    THE BOYS #101 "Name of the Game" - 10/15/17 (NETWORK DRAFT 6) 53.
    CONTINUED:
    Butcher gets what Hughie’s saying -- he nods -- UNLOADS a
    CRUSHING ROUNDHOUSE PUNCH on Translucent -- OOF -- sends the
    bastard flailing back into the sparking WATER --
    Which immediately ELECTROCUTES HIM! SPARKS CLIMACTICALLY
    RIDE UP Translucent’s body. Before he DROPS.
    Dust-settling beat.
    The sprinklers stop. Nothing on the floor but a puddle with
    the outline of an invisible body in it.
    HUGHIE
    (out of breath)
    Is he dead?
    Butcher gives a HARD KICK to Translucent. No noise out of
    him, no movement --
    BUTCHER
    Well, he ain’t movin’.
    HUGHIE
    TA
    Shit. Shit.
    BUTCHER
    How’d you know electricity
    bollocksed the cunt? Took me
    forever to work that one out.
    HUGHIE
    Skin’s carbon. Highly conductive.
    Saw it on ‘Ellen.’
    BUTCHER
    U
    Nice one, Hughie. Well, come on.
    We gotta get him in the trunk.
    HUGHIE
    Wait -- we what?
    BUTCHER
    Think you just offed a member of the
    Seven.
    HUGHIE
    Me? You hit him!
    BUTCHER
    Semantics, my son, we’re both in a
    fucksight a’ trouble.
    Already, they can hear SIRENS in the distance --
    HUGHIE
    No, he attacked us! And you’re --
    you’re a federal officer! Call the
    fucking FBI!

    (CONTINUED)
    THE BOYS #101 "Name of the Game" - 10/15/17 (NETWORK DRAFT 6) 54.
    CONTINUED: (2)
    BUTCHER
    Yeah. I ain’t really a fed.
    Off Hughie -- FUCKING WHAT?
    EXT. THE SEVEN TOWER - ROOFTOP - NIGHT
    STARLIGHT. On the ROOF of the Seven Tower -- taking in the
    infinite constellation of the city below.
    PUSH IN ON HER. Her anger, her frustration, boiling and
    churning inside. Rising up.
    Her eyes begin to glow. Then FLARE.
    WIDE. The tower’s top floors -- really, all nearby lights --
    FLICKER and BLACK OUT dramatically. Around Starlight. As
    she draws energy from them. As her eyes BLAZE like FIRE.
    The other Supes might not see the defiant spark inside her.
    Not yet. But we sure do.
    EXT. SKY - NIGHT
    TA
    A PRIVATE JET SOARS.
    INT. PRIVATE JET/EXT. SKY - NIGHT
    A PICTURE. The Homelander. “To Mason: Reach for the Sky!
    Best, Homelander.” We’ve seen this photo before.
    The Mayor of Baltimore’s son MASON, 10. Draws at a desk in
    bit lip concentration, tries to replicate his beloved
    Homelander photo with a crayola-on-paper version.
    U
    His Dad (the Mayor) dozes in a leather chair. Various AIDES
    work or sleep.
    When -- Mason happens to glance out the window. He
    brightens. His wildest dreams coming true --
    POV. ON THE WING. THE HOMELANDER. Proud. Hands on hips.
    Cape swirling, Zack Snyder-style. He smiles at Mason.
    MASON
    Homelander! Dad, wake up! The
    Homelander’s here!
    The Mayor rouses -- what? He heads over to the window, along
    with the aides. They all grin -- major celeb sighting.
    MAYOR
    Look at that. What’s he doing here?
    MASON
    Did he come to say goodbye? Are you
    guys friends??


    (CONTINUED)
    THE BOYS #101 "Name of the Game" - 10/15/17 (NETWORK DRAFT 6) 55.
    CONTINUED:
    POV. ON THE WING. The Homelander. Without ever losing his
    smile, he looks down to the ENGINE --
    And FIRES BLINDING RED BEAMS from his eyes! Flaring camera!
    Right at the turbine -- SLICING IT RIGHT OFF --
    MAYOR
    OH MY GOD!
    Guess the Mayor lost the negotiation, after all. THE PLANE
    JOLTS. GOING DOWN.
    Mason. Open-mouthed in shock and fear. Painfully learning
    the old adage -- never, ever meet your heroes.
    Homelander, still genially smiling, gives them a friendly
    salute. Before FLYING OFF --
    STAY WITH THE HOMELANDER. Watching, blank-faced. As the JET
    NOSE DIVES. Plummets down to the Atlantic.
    Turns out, Homelander wears a mask, too. And what’s behind
    it is psychopathic, unhinged. And all-powerful. Off this --
    TA BLACKOUT!

    TO BE CONTINUED...
    U
    Genres: ["Superhero","Action","Drama"]

    Summary In this scene, Hughie attends Robin's funeral and is approached by a Vought lawyer offering restitution. Hughie is devastated by Robin's death and refuses to sign a confidentiality agreement. The scene also introduces Starlight, a young superheroine, as she witnesses The Deep engaging in drug use and mistreating a girl. Hughie and Butcher discuss the suspicious circumstances surrounding Robin's death and devise a plan to infiltrate the Seven Tower. Hughie initially refuses, fearing for his safety, but Butcher convinces him to go through with it. The scene ends with Butcher vowing to take down Homelander.
    Strengths "The scene is highly engaging, with strong emotions, intense action, and significant plot development. The dialogue is sharp and the characters are well-defined."
    Weaknesses "The theme could be further explored and the concept of ordinary people seeking revenge against corrupt superheroes could be more fully developed."

    Ratings
    Overall

    Overall: 9

    The scene is highly engaging and impactful, with a strong mix of emotions, action, and plot development. The dialogue is sharp and the conflict level is high, keeping the audience hooked.


    Story Content

    Concept: 8

    The concept of ordinary people seeking revenge against corrupt superheroes is intriguing and sets up a compelling story.

    Plot: 9

    The plot is well-developed and moves forward with the introduction of new conflicts and the formation of a plan to infiltrate the Seven Tower.

    Originality: 6

    The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While it features familiar elements of superhero stories, such as a fight between a hero and a villain, it introduces fresh approaches, such as the use of electricity as a weapon and the moral dilemma faced by the protagonist. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality.


    Character Development

    Characters: 9

    The characters are well-defined and their motivations and emotions are clearly portrayed. Hughie's determination for revenge and Butcher's determination to take down Homelander add depth to the scene.

    Character Changes: 8

    Hughie undergoes a significant change in his determination for revenge, while Butcher's true identity is revealed, leading to potential changes in his character.

    Internal Goal: 8

    The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to survive the fight with Translucent and protect himself and Hughie. It reflects his need for self-preservation and his desire to protect those close to him.

    External Goal: 9

    The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to defeat Translucent and neutralize the threat he poses. It reflects the immediate challenge of fighting a powerful enemy and the need to eliminate a member of the Seven.


    Scene Elements

    Conflict Level: 9

    The conflict between Hughie and the Vought lawyer, the confrontation between Butcher and Translucent, and the plan to infiltrate the Seven Tower create a high level of conflict.

    Opposition: 9

    The opposition in this scene is strong, as the protagonist faces a powerful enemy and the potential consequences of his actions. The audience is unsure of how the fight will go and what the outcome will be.

    High Stakes: 9

    The stakes are high as Hughie seeks revenge against the superheroes and Butcher vows to take down Homelander.

    Story Forward: 9

    The scene moves the story forward by introducing new conflicts, revealing important information, and setting up future events.

    Unpredictability: 8

    This scene is unpredictable because it introduces unexpected elements, such as the protagonist using electricity to defeat the villain and the revelation that the protagonist is not who he seems. These surprises add excitement and suspense to the scene.

    Philosophical Conflict: 7

    There is a philosophical conflict evident in this scene between the protagonist's belief in taking matters into his own hands and the potential consequences of his actions. It challenges his values and worldview by forcing him to confront the moral implications of killing a member of the Seven.


    Audience Engagement

    Emotional Impact: 9

    The scene evokes strong emotions of sadness, anger, fear, and shock, particularly through Hughie's devastation and the shocking revelation about Butcher.

    Dialogue: 8

    The dialogue is sharp and reveals important information about the characters and their motivations.

    Engagement: 9

    This scene is engaging because it features a high-stakes action sequence, a moral dilemma, and a cliffhanger ending. The fast-paced writing and vivid descriptions keep the reader or viewer hooked.

    Pacing: 9

    The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by maintaining a fast pace during the action sequences and slowing down during moments of tension and revelation. This creates a rhythm that keeps the audience engaged.


    Technical Aspect

    Formatting: 9

    The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It uses clear scene headings, action lines, and dialogue formatting.

    Structure: 9

    The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It begins with an action sequence, builds tension, and ends with a cliffhanger, setting up the next part of the story.


    Critique
    • The scene starts off with a strong action sequence between Butcher and Translucent, which is engaging and exciting. However, the transition to Hughie's storyline feels abrupt and disjointed. It would be helpful to have a smoother transition or connection between the two storylines to maintain the flow of the scene.
    • The dialogue between Butcher and Hughie lacks depth and emotional resonance. It would be beneficial to explore their relationship further and delve into their conflicting emotions and motivations. This would add complexity and depth to their interactions.
    • The sudden appearance of Translucent and the attack on Hughie feels contrived and lacks a clear setup. It would be more effective to establish Translucent's presence or foreshadow the attack earlier in the scene to create a sense of anticipation and tension.
    • The resolution of the conflict between Butcher and Hughie is rushed and lacks a satisfying conclusion. It would be beneficial to explore their dynamic further and provide a more meaningful resolution to their conflict.
    • The visual elements in the scene, such as the car crash and the confrontation between Butcher and Translucent, are impactful and visually engaging. However, there is room for improvement in terms of the execution and description of these visual elements to enhance their impact.
    • The scene ends on a cliffhanger with Butcher and Translucent facing off, which creates suspense and leaves the audience wanting more. However, it would be helpful to provide a clearer sense of the stakes and consequences of this confrontation to increase the tension and anticipation for the next scene.
    Suggestions
    • Consider revising the transition between Butcher and Hughie's storylines to create a smoother and more cohesive flow.
    • Develop the dialogue between Butcher and Hughie to explore their conflicting emotions and motivations in more depth.
    • Foreshadow Translucent's appearance and the attack on Hughie earlier in the scene to create a sense of anticipation and tension.
    • Provide a more meaningful resolution to the conflict between Butcher and Hughie to add depth and emotional resonance to their relationship.
    • Refine the execution and description of the visual elements, such as the car crash and the confrontation between Butcher and Translucent, to enhance their impact.
    • Clarify the stakes and consequences of the confrontation between Butcher and Translucent to increase the tension and anticipation for the next scene.



    Characters in the screenplay, and their arcs:

    Hughie

    Hughie is a sincere and earnest tech virtuoso who experiences a tragic loss and becomes determined to seek justice. He is initially hesitant and fearful, but his encounter with Starlight inspires him to find courage and stand up for what he believes in. Hughie is a young man who refuses to accept a settlement and decides to fight for justice. He is driven by a desire for justice and seeks to hold superheroes accountable for their actions.



    Robin

    Robin is a playful and witty character who has a deep love for Hughie. She engages in playful banter with him, showcasing the strong bond they share. Her tragic death sets off a chain of emotional events in the story and drives Hughie's actions.



    Starlight

    Starlight, also known as Annie January, is a kind, ambitious young superheroine who desires to make a real difference in the world. She deeply believes in the heroic ideals and uses her power to help those in need. However, she faces challenges and conflicts within the superficial world of the superhero industry. Annie is vulnerable yet determined, and she struggles to maintain her ideals in the face of adversity.



    Butcher

    Butcher is a strong-willed and determined individual who will stop at nothing to take down corrupt superheroes. He is confident and charismatic and has a personal vendetta against Homelander. He is ruthless in his tactics and operates outside the law, often using violence to achieve his goals. Despite his tough exterior, he is deeply wounded by the loss of his wife and has a soft spot for Hughie who reminds him of her. Butcher is skilled in combat and has an impressive arsenal of weapons at his disposal.



    CharacterArcCritiqueSuggestions
    Hughie At the start of the movie, Hughie is a playful and carefree tech virtuoso who believes in personal responsibility. However, after witnessing the death of his girlfriend Robin, he undergoes a significant character change and becomes determined to seek revenge. As the movie progresses, Hughie transforms from a hesitant and fearful individual into a determined fighter seeking justice for his girlfriend's death. He becomes more brave and determined as he refuses to back down and seeks to hold those responsible accountable. His encounter with Starlight inspires him to find courage and stand up for what he believes in, transforming him into a character willing to fight for justice and stand up against injustice. The character arc for Hughie is well-done, but could benefit from more consistent development throughout the movie. The transformation from a hesitant and fearful individual to a determined fighter seeking justice could have been emphasized more throughout the film. Additionally, Hughie's development could benefit from more exploration of his emotions and motivations throughout the film, particularly in the aftermath of Robin's death. To improve the character arc for Hughie, the movie could make his transformation more consistent and prominent throughout the film by highlighting his growing determination and bravery more explicitly. The movie could also provide more exploration of Hughie's emotions and motivations throughout the film, particularly in the aftermath of Robin's death. This would allow for a more nuanced and detailed portrayal of Hughie's transformation and make his character arc more impactful and meaningful.
    Robin Robin starts off as a lively, carefree character who enjoys joking around with Hughie. However, her sudden and tragic death turns Hughie's world upside down and he becomes consumed with avenging her. As he delves deeper into the world of the Boys, he begins to question his actions and the morality of violence. Through Hughie's journey, Robin becomes a symbol of the innocence lost in the fight against corrupt superheroes and the toll it takes on those left behind. The character arc for Robin is limited since she only appears briefly in the movie before being killed off. As a result, her impact on the story and Hughie's emotional journey feel somewhat superficial. It would be beneficial to explore her character further and give her more agency beyond just being a catalyst for the plot. To improve Robin's character arc, it would be helpful to include flashback scenes or moments where Hughie reminisces about their relationship. This would give the audience a better understanding of their connection and deepen the impact of her death. Additionally, adding some backstory or motivation for Robin beyond just being Hughie's girlfriend would make her more dynamic and memorable in the story.
    Starlight Throughout the movie, Annie's character evolves from an optimistic and naive young hero to a disillusioned and skeptical one. She becomes jaded with the superhero industry and questions her place in it, reflecting on the superficiality of the whole thing. Her character development is most evident after witnessing The Deep's misconduct, leading her to feel betrayed and disillusioned. However, after having a conversation with Hughie, she regains her sense of purpose and determination. She decides to stay true to herself and fight against the corrupt expectations placed upon her, inspiring others to do the same. The character arc of Starlight is compelling and realistic, reflecting the challenges faced by many real-life superheroes. However, it could have been more fleshed out, as her disillusionment seemed to happen rather suddenly. It would have been more impactful to see the gradual transformation from her optimistic self to her disillusioned one. To further improve the character arc of Starlight, the movie could have shown more of the pressure and struggles that led to her eventual disillusionment. This could have included moments where she questions the superhero industry and her place in it, providing deeper insight into her motivations and thoughts. Additionally, the conversation with Hughie could have been expanded upon and shown how it influenced Annie's decision to stay true to herself.
    Butcher Butcher starts off as a single-minded individual driven purely by revenge, but over the course of the movie, he learns to let go of his vendetta against Homelander and begins to work towards a greater good. He develops a strong bond with Hughie, who becomes a surrogate for his lost wife, and learns to trust and rely on his team. He also confronts his own demons and comes to terms with his past, leading to a sense of closure. By the end of the movie, Butcher has transformed into a selfless leader who is devoted to protecting humanity from the corrupt superheroes. Overall, the character arc for Butcher is well-developed and shows a clear progression from a vengeful loner to a compassionate leader. However, there are some areas where the arc could be improved. For example, the transition from revenge-driven anti-hero to selfless leader could be more gradual and nuanced, with more emphasis on Butcher’s emotional journey. Additionally, the backstory about his wife could be further explored to deepen his character and motivations. To improve Butcher’s character arc, you could show more scenes of him struggling with his emotions and dealing with the trauma of his wife’s death. This would create a more relatable and sympathetic character and add more depth to his motivations. Additionally, you could reveal more about his past and upbringing to flesh out his character and help the audience understand his mindset better. Overall, focusing on Butcher’s inner turmoil and emotional journey could make the character arc more compelling and impactful.

    Here are different suggestions of loglines. (Alpha code)



    Story structures and how the script fits them

    Story Structure Framework 1: The Hero's Journey

    1. Ordinary World: The story begins with Hughie in his ordinary world, working as a tech virtuoso and living a normal life. He is shown installing a TV for a customer and trying to sell security cameras.

    2. Call to Adventure: Robin, a girl-next-door cute, enters the store and asks Hughie to schedule an appointment to come over and 'lay some cable.' This is the inciting incident that sets Hughie on his journey.

    3. Refusal of the Call: Hughie initially brushes off Robin's request, indicating his reluctance to step out of his comfort zone and take on a new adventure.

    4. Meeting the Mentor: There is no clear mentor figure in this summary.

    5. Crossing the Threshold: The threshold is crossed when Robin is suddenly killed by A-Train, a super-fast hero. This tragic event propels Hughie into a new world of revenge and justice.

    6. Tests, Allies, and Enemies: Hughie's tests include dealing with grief and loss, as well as navigating the morally ambiguous world of superheroes. His ally is Butcher, who helps him seek justice against A-Train. His enemies are A-Train and potentially other members of the Seven.

    7. Approach to the Inmost Cave: Hughie's approach to the inmost cave is his decision to confront A-Train and seek justice for Robin's death.

    8. Ordeal: The ordeal is the confrontation between Butcher, Hughie, and Translucent, where they face off against each other.

    9. Reward: The reward is the potential victory over Translucent and the progress made towards seeking justice for Robin's death.

    10. The Road Back: The road back is Hughie's continued journey to seek justice and bring down the corrupt superhero system.

    11. Resurrection: The resurrection is the final confrontation between Hughie and the corrupt superhero system, where he must overcome his fears and doubts to achieve his goal.

    12. Return with the Elixir: The return with the elixir is Hughie's ultimate success in bringing down the corrupt superhero system and achieving justice for Robin's death.

    Reference: "The Writer's Journey: Mythic Structure for Writers" by Christopher Vogler

    Analysis/Critique: The story structure of the Hero's Journey can be applied to this summary, but it requires some adjustments and additions to fully align with the framework. The summary lacks some key elements, such as a clear mentor figure and a more defined approach to the inmost cave. Additionally, the summary could benefit from further exploration of Hughie's internal transformation and growth throughout the story. By incorporating these elements, the story would have a more cohesive and satisfying narrative arc that aligns with the Hero's Journey framework.

    Story Structure Framework 2: Save the Cat

    1. Opening Image: The opening image is Hughie installing a TV for a customer, showcasing his ordinary world and his job as a tech virtuoso.

    2. Theme Stated: The theme of fighting for what one deserves is stated when Robin encourages Hughie to ask for a raise.

    3. Set-Up: The set-up includes Hughie's ordinary world, his relationship with Robin, and the introduction of the corrupt superhero system.

    4. Catalyst: The catalyst is Robin's sudden death at the hands of A-Train, which propels Hughie into action.

    5. Debate: The debate is Hughie's internal struggle to decide whether to seek justice for Robin's death or let it go.

    6. Break into Two: Hughie decides to take action and confront the corrupt superhero system, teaming up with Butcher.

    7. B Story: The B story is the relationship between Hughie and Butcher, as they work together to seek justice.

    8. Fun and Games: The fun and games are Hughie's training and preparation to take on the corrupt superhero system, as well as their initial confrontations with Translucent.

    9. Midpoint: The midpoint is a significant turning point where Hughie faces a major setback or revelation. It could be the moment when Hughie realizes the full extent of the corruption within the superhero system.

    10. Bad Guys Close In: The bad guys close in as Hughie and Butcher face increasing obstacles and threats from the corrupt superhero system.

    11. All Is Lost: The all is lost moment is when Hughie and Butcher face a major defeat or setback, potentially losing hope in their mission.

    12. Dark Night of the Soul: The dark night of the soul is a moment of despair and reflection for Hughie, where he questions his choices and contemplates giving up.

    13. Break into Three: Hughie finds renewed determination and comes up with a new plan to overcome the obstacles and defeat the corrupt superhero system.

    14. Finale: The finale is the climactic battle or confrontation between Hughie, Butcher, and the corrupt superhero system.

    15. Final Image: The final image is a reflection of the new world that Hughie has helped create, potentially showing justice being served and a brighter future.

    Reference: "Save the Cat! The Last Book on Screenwriting You'll Ever Need" by Blake Snyder

    Story Structure Framework 3: Three-Act Structure

    Act 1:
    - The opening scene introduces Hughie in his ordinary world as a tech virtuoso installing a TV.
    - The catalyst occurs when Robin asks Hughie to schedule an appointment, sparking a potential romantic relationship.
    - The debate is Hughie's internal struggle to ask for a raise and fight for what he deserves.

    Act 2:
    - The midpoint is Robin's sudden death, which propels Hughie into a new world of revenge and justice.
    - Hughie teams up with Butcher to seek justice and confront the corrupt superhero system.
    - The bad guys close in as Hughie and Butcher face increasing obstacles and threats.

    Act 3:
    - The all is lost moment is a major defeat or setback, potentially leading to Hughie questioning his choices.
    - Hughie finds renewed determination and comes up with a new plan to overcome the obstacles.
    - The climax is the final confrontation between Hughie, Butcher, and the corrupt superhero system.
    - The resolution shows the aftermath of the battle and the potential for a brighter future.

    Reference: "Story: Substance, Structure, Style, and the Principles of Screenwriting" by Robert McKee

    Note: The three-act structure is a widely used framework in screenwriting, and there are numerous resources available that explain its components and application. Robert McKee's book "Story: Substance, Structure, Style, and the Principles of Screenwriting" provides a comprehensive guide to understanding and implementing the three-act structure in storytelling.

    Top Correlations and patterns found in the scenes:

    Pattern Explanation
    Emotional Impact and Overall GradeThere is a strong positive correlation between Emotional Impact and Overall Grade, indicating that scenes with higher emotional impact tend to receive higher grades overall.
    Dialogue and Character ChangesThere is a moderate positive correlation between Dialogue and Character Changes, suggesting that scenes with more dialogue tend to have more significant character changes.
    Tone and Emotional ImpactThere is a weak positive correlation between Tone and Emotional Impact, indicating that scenes with a more playful or humorous tone tend to have lower emotional impact.
    Conflict and High StakesThere is a strong positive correlation between Conflict and High Stakes, suggesting that scenes with higher conflict tend to have higher stakes.
    Concept and PlotThere is a strong positive correlation between Concept and Plot, indicating that scenes with a strong concept tend to have a well-developed plot.
    Characters and Emotional ImpactThere is a moderate positive correlation between Characters and Emotional Impact, suggesting that scenes with well-developed characters tend to have higher emotional impact.
    Move Story Forward and Overall GradeThere is a strong positive correlation between Move Story Forward and Overall Grade, indicating that scenes that move the story forward tend to receive higher grades overall.
    Tone and Character ChangesThere is a weak negative correlation between Tone and Character Changes, suggesting that scenes with a more serious or emotional tone tend to have less significant character changes.
    Dialogue and Emotional ImpactThere is a moderate positive correlation between Dialogue and Emotional Impact, indicating that scenes with more dialogue tend to have higher emotional impact.
    Tone and ConflictThere is a weak negative correlation between Tone and Conflict, suggesting that scenes with a more playful or humorous tone tend to have lower conflict.
    Tone and High StakesThere is a weak negative correlation between Tone and High Stakes, indicating that scenes with a more playful or humorous tone tend to have lower stakes.


    Stories Similar to this one

    Story Explanation
    The Boys (TV Show) The screenplay shares similarities with the TV show 'The Boys' in terms of its dark and gritty tone, as well as its exploration of the corrupt and morally ambiguous world of superheroes. Both stories feature a protagonist who seeks justice and revenge against a powerful superhero organization.
    Watchmen (Graphic Novel/Film/TV Show) The screenplay has similarities to 'Watchmen' in its deconstruction of the superhero genre and its examination of the moral complexities of superheroes. Both stories explore the consequences of having superhuman abilities and the impact it has on society.
    Kick-Ass (Film/Comic Book) The screenplay shares similarities with 'Kick-Ass' in its portrayal of ordinary people trying to take on superheroes. Both stories feature protagonists who are not traditional superheroes but are determined to fight against injustice.
    Jessica Jones (TV Show) The screenplay has similarities to 'Jessica Jones' in its exploration of trauma and its effects on the main character. Both stories delve into the psychological struggles of individuals with superhuman abilities.
    The Incredibles (Film) The screenplay shares similarities with 'The Incredibles' in its examination of the challenges and responsibilities that come with having superpowers. Both stories explore the dynamics of a family of superheroes and the impact their abilities have on their lives.
    Unbreakable (Film) The screenplay has similarities to 'Unbreakable' in its exploration of the superhero origin story and the discovery of one's extraordinary abilities. Both stories delve into the psychological journey of the main character as they come to terms with their powers.
    Birdman (Film) The screenplay shares similarities with 'Birdman' in its examination of the entertainment industry and the pressures faced by performers. Both stories explore themes of identity, fame, and the pursuit of artistic validation.
    The Dark Knight (Film) The screenplay has similarities to 'The Dark Knight' in its exploration of the moral complexities of superheroes and the line between heroism and vigilantism. Both stories feature a protagonist who grapples with their own darkness and the consequences of their actions.
    Stranger Things (TV Show) The screenplay shares similarities with 'Stranger Things' in its portrayal of a group of ordinary individuals facing extraordinary circumstances. Both stories blend elements of science fiction and horror, and explore themes of friendship, loyalty, and the supernatural.
    The Truman Show (Film) The screenplay has similarities to 'The Truman Show' in its examination of a character's realization that their reality is manufactured and controlled. Both stories explore themes of identity, freedom, and the search for truth.

    Here are different Tropes found in the screenplay

    Trope Trope Details Trope Explanation


    Theme Theme Details Themee Explanation
    Loss and GriefThe death of Robin and Hughie's subsequent griefThe theme of loss and grief is evident throughout the screenplay, particularly in the scenes following Robin's death. Hughie is devastated and struggles to cope with the loss of his girlfriend. This theme explores the emotional impact of losing someone and the process of grieving.
    Justice and RevengeHughie's desire for justice and his plan to confront A-TrainThe theme of justice and revenge is present in Hughie's determination to seek justice for Robin's death. He wants to confront A-Train and hold him accountable for his actions. This theme explores the idea of seeking retribution and the desire for justice in the face of tragedy.
    Identity and Self-discoveryStarlight's struggle with her identity and the pressure to conformThe theme of identity and self-discovery is explored through Starlight's character. She grapples with the expectations placed on her as a superhero and the pressure to conform to a certain image. This theme delves into the challenges of finding one's true identity and staying true to oneself in a world that demands conformity.
    Corruption and PowerThe influence of Vought and the corrupt nature of the superhero industryThe theme of corruption and power is evident in the portrayal of Vought and the superhero industry. The screenplay highlights the corrupt practices and manipulation within the industry, as well as the abuse of power by those in positions of authority. This theme explores the dark side of power and the consequences of unchecked corruption.
    Love and LossThe relationship between Hughie and Robin and its tragic endThe theme of love and loss is explored through the relationship between Hughie and Robin. Their love for each other is evident, but it is tragically cut short by Robin's death. This theme delves into the bittersweet nature of love and the pain of losing someone you care about.
    Superficiality and ImageThe pressure to maintain a certain image in the superhero industryThe theme of superficiality and image is present in the portrayal of the superhero industry. Characters like Starlight are expected to maintain a certain image and conform to societal expectations. This theme explores the idea of superficiality and the pressure to present a perfect image, even at the expense of one's true self.



    Screenwriting Resources on Themes

    Articles

    Site Description
    Studio Binder Movie Themes: Examples of Common Themes for Screenwriters
    Coverfly Improving your Screenplay's theme
    John August Writing from Theme

    YouTube Videos

    Title Description
    Story, Plot, Genre, Theme - Screenwriting Basics Screenwriting basics - beginner video
    What is theme Discussion on ways to layer theme into a screenplay.
    Thematic Mistakes You're Making in Your Script Common Theme mistakes and Philosophical Conflicts
    Voice Analysis
    Summary: The writer's voice is characterized by a mix of humor, wit, and emotional depth. The dialogue is snappy and realistic, while the narrative description is vivid and descriptive. The writer's voice contributes to the overall mood of the screenplay by infusing it with a sense of energy, tension, and dark humor. It also explores themes of disillusionment, justice, and the contrast between idealized superheroes and the harsh realities of the world. The writer's voice adds depth to the characters and the story, creating a compelling and engaging screenplay.
    Voice Contribution The writer's voice contributes to the script by creating a unique and distinct tone that blends humor, wit, and emotional depth. The dialogue is sharp and realistic, capturing the essence of the characters and their interactions. The narrative description is vivid and descriptive, creating a visual and immersive experience for the reader. The writer's voice also explores complex themes and adds depth to the story, creating a compelling and thought-provoking screenplay.
    Best Representation Scene 3 - Tragedy Strikes
    Best Scene Explanation This scene is the best representation because it showcases the writer's ability to blend emotional depth with dark humor and create a sense of authenticity in the characters' actions and dialogue.
    Originality
    • Overall originality score: 6.5
    • Overall originality explanation: The screenplay demonstrates a moderate level of originality. While some concepts and situations are familiar, the specific execution, fresh approaches, and authentic character actions and dialogue contribute to the originality of the screenplay.
    • Most unique situations: The most unique situations in the screenplay are the consequences and moral complexities of having superpowers, the corporate manipulation behind the scenes, and the portrayal of corrupt superheroes.
    • Overall unpredictability score: 7.2
    • Overall unpredictability explanation: The full screenplay has a relatively high level of unpredictability. The unexpected twists, character dynamics, and fresh approaches to familiar situations keep the audience engaged and unsure of what will happen next.
    Goals and Philosophical Conflict
    internal GoalsThe protagonist's internal goals evolve throughout the script, reflecting their desires for success, validation, justice, and understanding.
    External Goals The protagonist's external goals evolve throughout the script, reflecting their immediate circumstances and challenges.
    Philosophical Conflict The overarching philosophical conflict revolves around the nature of superheroes, their actions, and the corrupt system they operate in. This conflict challenges the protagonist's beliefs and values.


    Character Development Contribution: The protagonist's evolving goals reflect their desires, fears, and values, driving their development as they navigate the challenges and conflicts presented in the screenplay.

    Narrative Structure Contribution: The protagonist's goals provide a framework for the narrative structure, guiding the progression of the story and creating tension and conflict. The pursuit of these goals drives the plot forward and shapes the protagonist's journey.

    Thematic Depth Contribution: The protagonist's goals and the overarching philosophical conflict deepen the thematic exploration of the screenplay. They raise questions about heroism, power, responsibility, justice, and the corrupting influence of systems and institutions.


    Screenwriting Resources on Goals and Philosophical Conflict

    Articles

    Site Description
    Creative Screenwriting How Important Is A Character’s Goal?
    Studio Binder What is Conflict in a Story? A Quick Reminder of the Purpose of Conflict

    YouTube Videos

    Title Description
    How I Build a Story's Philosophical Conflict How do you build philosophical conflict into your story? Where do you start? And how do you develop it into your characters and their external actions. Today I’m going to break this all down and make it fully clear in this episode.
    Endings: The Good, the Bad, and the Insanely Great By Michael Arndt: I put this lecture together in 2006, when I started work at Pixar on Toy Story 3. It looks at how to write an "insanely great" ending, using Star Wars, The Graduate, and Little Miss Sunshine as examples. 90 minutes
    Tips for Writing Effective Character Goals By Jessica Brody (Save the Cat!): Writing character goals is one of the most important jobs of any novelist. But are your character's goals...mushy?
    World Building
    • Physical environment: The world depicted in the screenplay is a mix of contemporary society, modern-day city, suburban neighborhoods, and futuristic versions of New York City. There are unique physical characteristics such as the Seven Tower, suburban houses, dive bars, and upscale apartments. The physical environment varies from mundane to extravagant, reflecting the different settings and atmospheres of the scenes.
    • Culture: The culture in the screenplay revolves around superheroes and their idolization by the general public. Superheroes are celebrities and are loved by the society. There are religious and commercial aspects to the superhero culture, with superheroes being praised in churches and marketed through fast-food chains. The cultural elements also include beauty pageants, idolization of Queen Maeve, and the presence of superhero-themed merchandise and media.
    • Society: The society depicted in the screenplay is hierarchical, with superheroes occupying positions of power and influence. The Seven Tower represents a position of power, and there are interactions between politicians, lobbyists, and superheroes. There is also a strong presence of media and technology, with platforms like YouTube, TV, Twitter, Instagram, and Snapchat being used to showcase and discuss superheroes. The society is influenced by corporate power and political agendas.
    • Technology: The technology in the screenplay is advanced, with the use of surveillance systems, security cameras, polygraph machines, video cameras, bug devices, and advanced electronics. Technology plays a role in surveillance, power dynamics, and the characters' actions and interactions.
    • Characters influence: The unique physical environment, culture, society, and technology shape the characters' experiences and actions in the screenplay. The characters are influenced by the idolization of superheroes, the hierarchical society, the presence of advanced technology, and the pressure to conform to societal expectations. These elements shape their motivations, relationships, and decisions throughout the narrative.
    • Narrative contribution: The world elements in the screenplay contribute to the narrative by creating a backdrop of a society obsessed with superheroes. The physical environment, culture, society, and technology provide the context for the characters' journeys, conflicts, and interactions. They also drive the plot forward, with the characters navigating the complexities of a world where superheroes are both adored and feared.
    • Thematic depth contribution: The world elements in the screenplay contribute to the thematic depth by exploring themes of power, celebrity culture, identity, and the consequences of idolization. The physical environment, culture, society, and technology highlight the complexities and contradictions of a world where superheroes are both revered and exploited. They also raise questions about the impact of media, corporate influence, and societal expectations on individuals and society as a whole.
    Pass / Consider / Recommend


    Screenplay Rating:

    Recommend

    Executive Summary

    The screenplay is recommended due to its effective establishment of the world and themes, strong emotional impact, and intriguing use of real questions. However, there are areas that need improvement, such as smoother transitions and clearer connections between storylines. Additionally, more information about character motivations and missing elements, such as Compound V, would enhance the overall narrative. Overall, the screenplay has compelling strengths and notable points, but would benefit from further development and refinement.

    Strengths
    • The scene effectively establishes the world where superheroes are idolized and the need for personal security measures. (Scene 1)
    • The sudden and shocking death of Robin creates a strong emotional impact. (Scene 2)
    • The use of real questions from CIA employee interviews adds an intriguing layer to the scene and raises questions about the nature of Starlight's abilities and her potential involvement with the CIA. (Scene 3)
    • The scene effectively captures the awe and admiration that Starlight feels as she joins the Seven. (Scene 6)
    • The scene introduces the theme of the corrupting influence of power and the hidden secrets of superheroes. (Scene 7)
    Areas of Improvement
    • The transition from the West Side Mom's conversation to the electronics store feels abrupt and could be smoother. (Scene 1)
    • The transition from the lighthearted banter to the tragic death of Robin could be smoother and more seamless. (Scene 2)
    • The transition between the polygraph scene and the audition room could be smoother to enhance the flow of the narrative. (Scene 3)
    • The transition from Starlight's kitchen to Hughie in Robin's parents' apartment feels abrupt and could be smoother. (Scene 4)
    • The transition between the previous scene and this scene could be smoother to provide better continuity. (Scene 9)
    MissingElements
    • A clearer connection between the introduction of Queen Maeve and the subsequent conversation between Hughie and the West Side Mom. (Scene 1)
    • More information about Hughie's personal motivations or backstory to make him a more compelling character. (Scene 1)
    • A clearer connection between Starlight's storyline and Hughie's storyline. (Scene 4)
    • More exploration of Starlight's internal conflict and her decision to join The Seven. (Scene 4)
    • More information about Compound V and its importance to the story. (Scene 11)
    NotablePoints
    • The use of real questions from CIA employee interviews adds an intriguing layer to the scene and raises questions about the nature of Starlight's abilities and her potential involvement with the CIA. (Scene 3)
    • The scene effectively sets up Hughie's emotional journey and his potential involvement with the Boys, a group seeking justice against corrupt superheroes. (Scene 3)
    • The scene effectively highlights the superficiality and idolization of superheroes in society. (Scene 4)
    • The scene sets up potential conflicts and character arcs for both Starlight and Hughie. (Scene 4)
    • The scene introduces the concept of Compound V, which may have significant implications for the story. (Scene 9)
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    Memorable lines in the script:

    Scene Number Line
    6Butcher: She wasn’t in the street. She was one step off the fuckin’ curb.
    7Butcher: But mostly, people like that cozy feeling Supes give ‘em. You got someone to swoop in and save the day for you, then you don’t gotta do it yourself.
    9Hughie: ...they’re laughing. Like she’s a joke. They’re fucking laughing.
    2Hughie: ROBIN! ROBIN!!
    4Robin's Dad: Too late. She’s dead. And you wanna drag out some court case? So we can relive her death?
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