Amadeus

Genres: The, list, of, genres, for, the, movie, based, on, given, all, scenes, is:, Drama, Historical, Biography, Comedy, Fiction, Romance, Period, Biopic, Music, Musical, Biographical



Summary The movie "Amadeus" depicts the life of composer Antonio Salieri, who harbors jealousy and bitterness towards the talented Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart. Salieri schemes to undermine Mozart's reputation and ultimately plans his downfall, while Mozart struggles to balance writing various compositions and deal with failing health. As Mozart becomes increasingly desperate to complete his work, Salieri and others offer him money to finish a composition, ultimately leading to Mozart's death. Salieri confesses his wrongdoing and laments his own mediocrity. The film ends with the sound of Mozart's Funeral Music.


Screenplay Story Analysis

Story Critique The story of the screenplay is a complex and introspective exploration of the relationship between Old Salieri and Mozart, filled with themes of envy, guilt, and obsession. The juxtaposition of Salieri's inner turmoil with the glittering masquerade ballroom of Vienna adds depth and contrast to the narrative. The screenplay effectively delves into Salieri's troubled past and his deep-seated desire for recognition and greatness. The scene where Salieri plays his music for Father Vogler and reflects on his life is particularly powerful, showcasing the character's vulnerability and regrets. The overall story is compelling and thought-provoking, and it successfully engages the audience in its exploration of music, talent, and the nature of genius.

Suggestions: To improve the screenplay, it would be beneficial to further develop the relationship between Salieri and Mozart. While their dynamic is hinted at, some scenes could benefit from more interaction and conflict between the two characters. Additionally, the pacing of the story could be tightened in certain areas to maintain the audience's engagement. Finally, further exploration of Mozart's character and his own struggles and motivations would add depth to the overall narrative.

Note: This is the overall critique. For scene by scene critique click here



Summary of Scene Level Analysis

Scene Strengths
  • Intense atmosphere, powerfully dramatic narrative, vivid characterizations.
  • Strong character development for Salieri with a reflective tone that adds depth to the narrative.
  • Strong introspection and character development for Old Salieri.
  • Strong performances from the actors. Emotional depth and complexity of the characters.
  • Powerful emotional reflection and contrast between Salieri's inner world and the glamorous stage performances. Mozart's musical talent is showcased.
Scene Weaknesses
  • Lacks action and tension.
  • The scene is slow-moving and lacks action or high stakes. The hospital setting is not visually interesting, and the dialogue is occasionally heavy-handed.
  • Minimal plot development, with no real forward movement.
  • The scene lacks significant plot developments and a high level of conflict.
  • The scene's focus on Mozart's behavior with young girls feels like a cheap attempt to discredit him, rather than an authentic character flaw.
Suggestions
  • Increase the stakes and tension in key scenes to keep the audience engaged and invested in the story.
  • Balance dialogue-heavy scenes with more visually interesting and action-packed scenes to create a more dynamic viewing experience.
  • Avoid unnecessary scenes and focus on significant plot developments to keep the story moving forward.
  • Develop supporting characters beyond serving as mere representatives of a specific point of view.
  • Avoid superficial character flaws and focus on more authentic and complex character motivations.

Note: This is the synthesis. See scene by scene analysis here


How scenes compare to the Scripts in our Library

Note: The ratings are the averages of all the scenes.
Title
Grade
 Percentile Before After
Formatting 9.26  89 The matrix: 9.20 Breaking Bad: 9.26
Internal Goal 8.36  89 As good as it gets: 8.35 Amadeus: 8.36
Structure 8.57  81 Suits: 8.56 Amadeus: 8.57
Concept 8.1  77 Squid Game: 8.0 the dark knight rises: 8.1
Characters 8.4  73 Killers of the flower moon: 8.3 American hustle: 8.4
External Goal 8.28  73 Breaking Bad: 8.16 Shaun of the Dead: 8.28
Dialogue 7.8  58 Squid Game: 7.7 glass Onion Knives Out : 7.8
Overall 8.3  57 Queens Gambit: 8.2 face/off: 8.3
Emotional Impact 7.5  56 Deadpool: 7.4 Inception: 7.5
Pacing 8.40  49 Pinocchio: 8.39 Amadeus: 8.40
Originality 6.68  49 The whale: 6.62 Amadeus: 6.68
Character Changes 5.8  40 Requiem for a dream: 5.7 Labyrinth : 5.8
Plot 7.9  40 Killers of the flower moon: 7.8 Everything everywhere all at once: 7.9
Engagement 8.40  29 The sweet hereafter: 8.39 Amadeus: 8.40
Conflict Level 6.9  26 Community: 6.8 Erin Brokovich: 6.9
High Stakes 6.3  19 The good place draft: 5.9 Amadeus: 6.3
Story Forward 7.2  17 Madmen: 7.1 Scott pilgrim vs. the world: 7.2


Read script alongside scene Analyses See all Scenes

See the full analysis by clicking the title.

Story Content Character Development Scene Elements Audience Engagement Technical Aspects
Scene Number Full Analysis Tone Overall Grade Concept Plot Originality Score Characters Character Changes Internal Goal External Goal Conflict Opposition High stakes Story forward Twist Emotional Impact Dialogue Engagement Pacing Formatting Structure
1 The Suicide of Old Salieri "grim" 9 9 95 9 778808909 888109
2 Old Salieri Reflects on His Life and Music "Reflective" 8 9 77 8 789604708 88999
3 Old Salieri's Reflection on his Life and Envy of Mozart "Reflective" 8 8 77 9 787403607 8891010
4 Salieri's Enlightenment "Reflective" 8 8 77 9 698504607 88798
5 Salieri's Reflections "Reflective" 9 9 98 9 999505808 89788
6 Salieri's Envy "Reflective" 9 8 85 9 389403406 97898
7 Salieri's Reflections "Reflective" 8 7 86 9 589506707 878109
8 Salieri's Confession and Mozart's Arrival "Reflective" 8 7 85 9 699605707 889109
9 Mozart Gets a Commission "Serious" 8 8 85 9 587506806 89998
10 Salieri and Cavalieri's Lesson "Melancholic" 8 9 84 8 478605707 77798
11 Aria and Audience "Reflective" 8 7 88 8 497504807 79899
12 Music and Drama in the Court of Joseph "Tense" 8 7 86 9 589706807 89898
13 Backstage Turmoil "tense" 9 9 97 8 789807809 889109
14 The Father's Plea "melancholic" 7 8 76 8 588605608 79798
15 The Emperor's Decision "tense" 8 8 85 8 689807807 87988
16 A Rift Between Mozart and Constanze; Salieri's Interruption "Tense" 9 8 97 9 788807709 98999
17 Musical Ambitions "Serious" 7 8 68 8 498606606 7981010
18 Salieri's Temptation "Tragic" 8 7 68 9 7889096010 898109
19 Salieri's Temptation and Betrayal "Dark" 9 10 99 10 898110109010 810998
20 Mozart's Troubles "tense" 9 10 99 8 6981008809 98989
21 Mozart Seeks Salieri's Help "Somber, pleading, desperate" 8 8 86 9 598606708 99788
22 Mozart Meets the Schlumbergs "Light-hearted" 7 7 65 7 289302404 77998
23 Mozart Teaches Piano to the Schlumbergs "upbeat" 9 9 89 9 388403605 87788
24 Mozart's Family Arrives "Lighthearted" 7 7 66 8 398304505 79898
25 Masquerade Ball "Upbeat" 8 8 75 8 478503506 69998
26 The Musical Game "Light-hearted" 9 8 87 9 588604707 9991010
27 Salieri's Revenge "Somber, Reflective" 8 9 79 8 688707608 799108
28 The Arrival of Lorl "tense, emotional" 9 8 85 10 686806709 998109
29 Investigating Mozart's Life "Curious" 8 8 89 9 697606806 79998
30 Mozart Meets the Emperor "Satirical" 9 8 76 9 5107704806 998109
31 Mozart defends his opera "Tense" 8 8 79 9 699808607 910898
32 Figaro's Forbidden Dance "tense" 8 7 88 7 699907806 889109
33 Mozart's Plea "Anxious" 9 8 96 8 0810606808 798109
34 The Emperor's Edict "Tense" 8 8 97 7 689908807 78898
35 Salieri's Success "hopeful" 8 7 68 9 389202405 899109
36 Mozart's Triumph "Upbeat" 8 7 98 8 687707708 699109
37 Parody Opera Scene "Light-hearted" 8 8 78 8 308502406 87899
38 The Parody Scene "humorous" 9 10 89 7 507806706 99978
39 Schikaneder's Proposition "light-hearted" 8 9 88 8 489606706 89988
40 Mozart's Desperation "Dark" 9 7 95 8 6810708809 8910108
41 Salieri's Plan "Tense" 8 9 88 7 7899010908 7910109
42 Schikaneder Pressures Mozart "tense" 9 10 85 9 7891007809 87899
43 Salieri's Plot Unfolds "Tense" 8 8 86 8 789909908 79887
44 The Breakdown "Tense and emotional" 9 8 97 8 889100109010 898109
45 The Magic Flute's Production "Tense" 7 7 63 8 608809707 7681010
46 Papageno's Aria "Tense" 9 8 95 9 7788088010 89889
47 Faltering Health "Tense" 8 7 85 8 889907909 77898
48 Mozart's Breakdown "Tense" 8 7 86 9 798908808 888109
49 Pressure Cooker "Tense" 8 7 93 8 6108909808 8710108
50 Mozart Dictates Confutatis to Salieri "Intense" 9 8 89 9 698909808 698108
51 The Final Dictation "Grim" 9 8 97 9 8108909909 88899
52 The Death of Mozart "Tense" 8 9 86 7 788909809 799109
53 Salieri's Confession and Death "Tragic" 9 8 89 9 8109607709 8109108


Scene 1 - The Suicide of Old Salieri
"AMADEUS"

by

Peter Shaffer

Final Draft



INT. STAIRCASE OUTSIDE OLD SALIERI'S SALON - NIGHT - 1823

Total darkness. We hear an old man's voice, distinct and in
distress. It is OLD SALIERI. He uses a mixture of English
and occasionally Italian.

OLD SALIERI
Mozart! Mozart! Mozart. Forgive me!
Forgive your assassin! Mozart!

A faint light illuminates the screen. Flickeringly, we see
an eighteenth century balustrade and a flight of stone stairs.
We are looking down into the wall of the staircase from the
point of view of the landing. Up the stair is coming a
branched candlestick held by Salieri's VALET. By his side is
Salieri's COOK, bearing a large dish of sugared cakes and
biscuits. Both men are desperately worried: the Valet is
thin and middle-aged; the Cook, plump and Italian. It is
very cold. They wear shawls over their night-dresses and
clogs on their feet. They wheeze as they climb. The candles
throw their shadows up onto the peeling walls of the house,
which is evidently an old one and in bad decay. A cat scuttles
swiftly between their bare legs, as they reach the salon
door.

The Valet tries the handle. It is locked. Behind it the voice
goes on, rising in volume.

OLD SALIERI
Show some mercy! I beg you. I beg
you! Show mercy to a guilty man!

The Valet knocks gently on the door. The voice stops.

VALET
Open the door, Signore! Please! Be
good now! We've brought you something
special. Something you're going to
love.

Silence.

VALET
Signore Salieri! Open the door. Come
now. Be good!
The voice of Old Salieri continues again, further off now,
and louder. We hear a noise as if a window is being opened.

OLD SALIERI
Mozart! Mozart! I confess it! Listen!
I confess!

The two servants look at each other in alarm. Then the Valet
hands the candlestick to the Cook and takes a sugared cake
from the dish, scrambling as quickly as he can back down the
stairs.

EXT. THE STREET OUTSIDE SALIERI'S HOUSE - VIENNA - NIGHT

The street is filled with people: ten cabs with drivers,
five children, fifteen adults, two doormen, fifteen dancing
couples and a sled and three dogs. It is a windy night. Snow
is falling and whirling about. People are passing on foot,
holding their cloaks tightly around them. Some of them are
revelers in fancy dress: they wear masks on their faces or
hanging around their necks, as if returning from parties.
Now they are glancing up at the facade of the old house.
The window above the street is open and Old Salieri stands
there calling to the sky: a sharp-featured, white-haired
Italian over seventy years old, wearing a stained dressing
gown.

OLD SALIERI
Mozart! Mozart! I cannot bear it any
longer! I confess! I confess what I
did! I'm guilty! I killed you! Sir
I confess! I killed you!

The door of the house bursts open. The Valet hobbles out,
holding the sugared cake. The wind catches at his shawl.

OLD SALIERI
Mozart, perdonami! Forgive your
assassin! Pietˆ! Pietˆ! Forgive your
assassin! Forgive me! Forgive!
Forgive!

VALET
(looking up to the
window)
That's all right, Signore! He heard
you! He forgave you! He wants you to
go inside now and shut the window!

Old Salieri stares down at him. Some of the passersby have
now stopped and are watching this spectacle.

VALET
Come on, Signore! Look what I have
for you! I can't give it to you from
down here, can I?
Old Salieri looks at him in contempt. Then he turns away
back into the room, shutting the window with a bang. Through
the glass, the old man stares down at the group of onlookers
in the street. They stare back at him in confusion.

BYSTANDER
Who is that?

VALET
No one, sir. He'll be all right.
Poor man. He's a little unhappy, you
know.

He makes a sign indicating 'crazy,' and goes back inside the
house. The onlookers keep staring.

CUT TO:

INT. LANDING OUTSIDE OLD SALIERI'S SALON - NIGHT

The Cook is standing holding the candlestick in one hand,
the dish of cakes in the other. The Valet arrives, panting.

VALET
Did he open?

The Cook, scared, shakes his head: no. The Valet again knocks
on the door.

VALET
Here I am, Signore. Now open the
door.

He eats the sugared cake in his hand, elaborately and noisily.

VALET
Mmmm - this is good! This is the
most delicious thing I ever ate,
believe me! Signore, you don't know
what you're missing! Mmmm!

We hear a thump from inside the bedroom.

VALET
Now that's enough, Signore! Open!

We hear a terrible, throaty groaning.

VALET
If you don't open this door, we're
going to eat everything. There'll be
nothing left for you. And I'm not
going to bring you anything more.

He looks down. From under the door we see a trickle of blood
flowing. In horror, the two men stare at it. The dish of
cakes falls from the Cook's hand and shatters.
He sets the candlestick down on the floor. Both servants run
at the door frantically - once, twice, three times - and the
frail lock gives. The door flies open.

Immediately, the stormy, frenzied opening of Mozart's Symphony
No. 25 (the Little G Minor) begins. We see what the servants
see.

INT. OLD SALIERI'S SALON - NIGHT

Old Salieri lies on the floor in a pool of blood, an open
razor in his hand. He has cut his throat but is still alive.
He gestures at them. They run to him. Barely, we glimpse the
room - an old chair, old tables piled with books, a forte-
piano, a chamber-pot on the floor - as the Valet and the
Cook struggle to lift their old Master, and bind his bleeding
throat with a napkin.

INT. BALLROOM - NIGHT

Twenty-five dancing couples, fifty guests, ten servants,
full orchestra.

As the music slows a little, we see a Masquerade Ball in
progress. A crowded room of dancers is executing the slow
portion of a dance fashionable in the early 1820's.
Genres: ["drama","historical"]

Summary Old Salieri begs for forgiveness from Mozart for killing him, while his valet and cook try to bring him sweets. The situation escalates to Old Salieri committing suicide with a razor, being found by his servants, and a masquerade ball continuing on elsewhere in Vienna.
Strengths "Intense atmosphere, powerfully dramatic narrative, vivid characterizations."
Weaknesses "Over-use of voice-over and music to create dramatic effect, somewhat long exposition."

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9


Story Content

Concept: 9

Plot: 9

Originality: 5

The scene is somewhat original in its setting and the use of Old Salieri's mixed language dialogue, but the theme of guilt and confession is a familiar one. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic.


Character Development

Characters: 9

Character Changes: 7

Internal Goal: 7

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is not entirely clear, but it appears to be centered on guilt and confession. He wants forgiveness for killing Mozart and is distressed about his actions.

External Goal: 8

The protagonist's external goal is to get Old Salieri to open the door so they can give him food, but it shifts towards getting him medical attention after discovering him on the floor with a cut throat.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

Opposition: 0

High Stakes: 8

Story Forward: 9

Unpredictability: 0

Philosophical Conflict: 6

There is a philosophical conflict between guilt and forgiveness. This relates to Salieri's beliefs as he is seeking forgiveness for killing Mozart and is struggling with the guilt.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

Dialogue: 8

Engagement: 8

The scene is engaging due to the tense atmosphere, the mystery of Old Salieri's distress, and the dramatic reveal of his attempted suicide.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension through a slow reveal of information and action, leading up to the dramatic reveal of Old Salieri's suicide attempt.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 10

The formatting of the scene follows the standard screenplay format, with clear scene headings, dialogue, and action descriptions.

Structure: 9

The structure of this scene follows the expected format for a dramatic scene, building tension through dialogue and narrative description.


Critique Overall, this excerpt from "Amadeus" is well-written and effectively conveys the chaos and desperation of the scene. The introduction of the main character, Old Salieri, is intriguing and his distress is palpable through his frantic shouts and confessions. The use of the two servants as a means of exposition to reveal the setting and the state of decay of the house is effective. The contrast of the chaos outside in the street with the intimate and gruesome scene inside the room adds to the tension and drama. The use of Mozart's Symphony No. 25 as a soundtrack to the scene is also a clever and effective choice.

One area that could be improved is the dialogue of the two servants. While their dialogue adds some humor and provides a contrast to the seriousness of the scene, it can feel a bit forced and unnatural at times. Additionally, some descriptions could be tightened up to make the pacing of the scene even more urgent and intense.

Overall, this scene effectively sets up the narrative and introduces the main character in a compelling and dramatic way.
Suggestions Overall, the scene is well-written and sets the tone for the rest of the story. However, here are some suggestions for improvement:

1. Add more action: The scene is mostly dominated by dialogue, which can make it feel stagnant. Try adding some action, like having the Valet and Cook fumble with the lock or having the wind catch at their shawls. This will make the scene more visually interesting.

2. Provide more context: The scene throws the audience right into the thick of things, but it may be helpful to provide some context about Old Salieri and his relationship with Mozart. Is his guilt over killing Mozart something that has been established earlier in the story? If not, it may feel random and confusing to the audience.

3. Use descriptive language: The scene is set in a fairly grim environment, and using more descriptive language would help to draw the audience into the setting. For example, instead of "an old chair" and "old tables," you could say something like "a rusty, moth-eaten chair" or "cracked, splintered tables with peeling paint."

4. Show, don't tell: There are moments in the scene where the characters express what they're feeling, but it's more effective to show their emotions through their actions. For example, instead of having the Valet say "we're going to eat everything," show him taking a bite out of one of the cakes. It's a subtle difference, but it can help to make the scene feel more immersive and less forced.



Scene 2 - Old Salieri Reflects on His Life and Music
EXT. STREET OUTSIDE SALIERI'S HOUSE - NIGHT

As the fast music returns, we see Old Salieri being carried
out of his house on a stretcher by two attendants, and placed
in a horse-drawn wagon under the supervision of a middle-
aged doctor in a tall hat. This is DOCTOR GULDEN. He gets in
beside his patient. The driver whips up the horse, and the
wagon dashes off through the still-falling snow.

MONTAGE:

EXT. FOUR STREETS OF VIENNA AND

INT. THE WAGON - NIGHT

The wagon is galloping through the snowy streets of the city.
Inside the conveyance we see Old Salieri wrapped in blankets,
half-conscious, being held by the hospital attendants. Doctor
Gulden stares at him grimly. The wagon arrives outside the
General Hospital of Vienna.

CUT TO:

INT. A HOSPITAL CORRIDOR - LATE AFTERNOON

A wide, white-washed corridor. Doctor Gulden is walking down
it with a priest, a man of about forty, concerned, but
somewhat self-important. This is Father VOGLER, Chaplain at
the hospital. In the corridor as they walk, we note several
patients -- some of them visibly disturbed mentally. All
patients wear white linen smocks. Doctor Gulden wears a dark
frock-coat; Vogler, a cassock.

DOCTOR GULDEN
He's going to live. It's much harder
to cut your throat than most people
imagine.

They stop outside a door.

DOCTOR GULDEN
Here we are. Do you wish me to come
in with you?

VOGLER
No, Doctor. Thank you.

Vogler nods and opens the door.

INT. OLD SALIERI'S HOSPITAL ROOM - LATE AFTERNOON

A bare room - one of the best available in the General
Hospital. It contains a bed, a table with candles, chairs, a
small forte-piano of the early nineteenth century. As Vogler
enters, Old Salieri is sitting in a wheel-chair, looking out
the window. His back is to us. The priest closes the door
quietly behind him.

VOGLER
Herr Salieri?

Old Salieri turns around to look at him. We see that his
throat is bandaged expertly. He wears hospital garb, and
over it the Civilian Medal and Chain with which we will later
see the EMPEROR invest him.

OLD SALIERI
What do you want?

VOGLER
I am Father Vogler. I am a Chaplain
here. I thought you might like to
talk to someone.

OLD SALIERI
About what?

VOGLER
You tried to take your life. You do
remember that, don't you?

OLD SALIERI
So?

VOGLER
In the sight of God that is a sin.
OLD SALIERI
What do you want?

VOGLER
Do you understand that you have
sinned? Gravely.

OLD SALIERI
Leave me alone.

VOGLER
I cannot leave alone a soul in pain.

OLD SALIERI
Do you know who I am? You never heard
of me, did you?

VOGLER
That makes no difference. All men
are equal in God's eyes.

OLD SALIERI
Are they?

VOGLER
Offer me your confession. I can offer
you God's forgiveness.

OLD SALIERI
I do not seek forgiveness.

VOGLER
My son, there is something dreadful
on your soul. Unburden it to me. I'm
here only for you. Please talk to
me.

OLD SALIERI
How well are you trained in music?

VOGLER
I know a little. I studied it in my
youth.

OLD SALIERI
Where?

VOGLER
Here in Vienna.

OLD SALIERI
Then you must know this.

He propels his wheelchair to the forte-piano, and plays an
unrecognizable melody.
VOGLER
I can't say I do. What is it?

OLD SALIERI
I'm surprised you don't know. It was
a very popular tune in its day. I
wrote it. How about this?

He plays another tune.

OLD SALIERI
This one brought down the house when
we played it first.

He plays it with growing enthusiasm.

CUT TO:

INT. THE STAGE OF AN OPERA HOUSE - NIGHT - 1780'S

We see the pretty soprano KATHERINA CAVALIERI, now about
twenty-four, dressed in an elaborate mythological Persian
costume, singing on stage. She's near the end of a very florid
aria by Salieri. The audience applauds wildly.
Genres: ["Drama","Historical"]

Summary Old Salieri attempts suicide but fails and ends up in the hospital where he is visited by Father Vogler. Salieri reflects on his life and plays his music for Vogler.
Strengths "The scene is a great showcase for Salieri and his passion for music. The conversation between Salieri and Vogler is deep and reflective, delving into themes of sin and redemption. The use of the forte-piano as a device to convey Salieri's character is effective."
Weaknesses "The scene is slow-moving and lacks action or high stakes. The hospital setting is not visually interesting, and the dialogue is occasionally heavy-handed."

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8


Story Content

Concept: 9

Plot: 7

Originality: 7

The scene presents a unique situation with its exploration of a musician's career and his struggle with faith and envy. The authenticity of the characters' dialogue is evident in their individualized expressions of emotion.


Character Development

Characters: 8

Character Changes: 7

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to deal with the emotional burden of the sin he has committed and to cope with the realization that his rival's genius exceeds his own.

External Goal: 9

The protagonist's external goal is to recover from his suicide attempt and deal with the consequences, which include his admission to the hospital and facing his chaplain.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

Opposition: 0

High Stakes: 4

Story Forward: 7

Unpredictability: 0

Philosophical Conflict: 8

There is a philosophical conflict of faith and forgiveness as the protagonist grapples with his sins against God and his desire for redemption.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

Dialogue: 8

Engagement: 8

The scene is engaging because of the protagonist's conflicts, the tension present between the protagonist and the chaplain, and the exploration of themes such as faith, envy, and redemption.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and developing the protagonist's internal and external goals.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene is formatted appropriately for its genre with clear scene headings, descriptions, and dialogue.

Structure: 9

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with clear scene headings and clear action and dialogue.


Critique Overall, this scene is well-written and effectively conveys the physical and emotional journey of Old Salieri as he attempts suicide and is taken to the hospital. The use of a montage is a strong choice to show the passage of time and the urgency of the situation.

However, there are a few areas where the scene could be improved. For example, some of the dialogue between Old Salieri and Father Vogler feels a bit on-the-nose and exposition-heavy, rather than organic and natural. It might be worth exploring ways to communicate the same information in a more subtle and nuanced way.

Additionally, while the appearance of Katherina Cavalieri at the end of the scene provides a nice payoff, it also feels a bit abrupt. It might be worth foreshadowing her appearance earlier in the scene, so that her arrival feels more integrated into the overall narrative.

Overall, though, these are relatively minor criticisms, and the scene as a whole is effective and well-constructed.
Suggestions Overall, the scene is well-written with strong visual elements and clear dialogue. However, there are a few suggestions for improvement:

1. Consider adding more sensory details to the MONTAGE section to make it more immersive for the viewer. What do the snow-covered streets look like? Are they slippery? Is the sound of the wagon's wheels crunching in the snow audible?

2. Explore opportunities for subtext in the conversation between Doctor Gulden and Father Vogler. Is there any tension between their personalities or beliefs? How do they each feel about Salieri's suicide attempt?

3. Consider adding more character development for Salieri in the hospital room scene. What emotions is he feeling after his suicide attempt? Is he angry? Sad? Regretful?

4. Lastly, consider adding a bit more information about why Salieri attempted suicide. Is it related to his music career or his personal life? This could add more depth to his character and make the audience more invested in his journey.



Scene 3 - Old Salieri's Reflection on his Life and Envy of Mozart
INT. OLD SALIERI'S HOSPITAL ROOM - LATE AFTERNOON - 1823

OLD SALIERI
(taking his hands off
the keys)
Well?

VOGLER
I regret it is not too familiar.

OLD SALIERI
Can you recall no melody of mine? I
was the most famous composer in Europe
when you were still a boy. I wrote
forty operas alone. What about this
little thing?

Slyly he plays the opening measure of Mozart's Eine Kleine
Nachtmusik. The priest nods, smiling suddenly, and hums a
little with the music.

VOGLER
Oh, I know that! That's charming! I
didn't know you wrote that.

OLD SALIERI
I didn't. That was Mozart. Wolfgang
Amadeus Mozart. You know who that
is?

VOGLER
Of course. The man you accuse yourself
of killing.

OLD SALIERI
Ah - you've heard that?

VOGLER
All Vienna has heard that.

OLD SALIERI
( eagerly)
And do they believe it?

VOGLER
Is it true?

OLD SALIERI
Do you believe it?

VOGLER
Should I?

A very long pause. Salieri stares above the priest, seemingly
lost in his own private world.

VOGLER
For God's sake, my son, if you have
anything to confess, do it now!
Give yourself some peace!

A further pause.

VOGLER
Do you hear me?

OLD SALIERI
He was murdered, Father! Mozart!
Cruelly murdered.

Pause.

VOGLER
(almost whispering)
Yes? Did you do it?

Suddenly Old Salieri turns to him, a look of extreme
innocence.

OLD SALIERI
He was my idol! I can't remember a
time when I didn't know his name!
When I was only fourteen he was
already famous. Even in Legnago -
the tiniest town in Italy - I knew
of him.

CUT TO:
EXT. A SMALL TOWN SQUARE IN LOMBARDY, ITALY - DAY - 1780'S

There are twelve children and twenty adults in the square.
We see the fourteen-year-old Salieri blindfolded, playing a
game of Blindman's Bluff with other Italian children, running
about in the bright sunshine and laughing.

OLD SALIERI (V.O.)
I was still playing childish games
when he was playing music for kings
and emperors. Even the Pope in Rome!

CUT TO:

INT. A SALON IN THE VATICAN - DAY - 1780'S

We see the six-year-old MOZART, also blindfolded, seated in
a gilded chair on a pile of books, playing the harpsichord
for the POPE and a suite of CARDINALS and other churchmen.
Beside the little boy stands LEOPOLD, his father, smirking
with pride.

OLD SALIERI (V.O.)
I admit I was jealous when I heard
the tales they told about him. Not
of the brilliant little prodigy
himself, but of his father, who had
taught him everything.

The piece finishes. Leopold lowers the lid of the harpsichord
and lifts up his little son to stand on it. Mozart removes
the blindfold to show a pale little face with staring eyes.
Both father and son bow. A Papal Chamberlain presents Leopold
with a gold snuff box whilst the cardinals decorously applaud.
Over this scene Old Salieri speaks.

OLD SALIERI (V.O.)
My father did not care for music. He
wanted me only to be a merchant,
like himself. As anonymous as he
was. When I told how I wished I could
be like Mozart, he would say, Why?
Do you want to be a trained monkey?
Would you like me to drag you around
Europe doing tricks like a circus
freak? How could I tell him what
music meant to me?

CUT TO:

EXT. A COUNTRY CHURCH IN NORTH ITALY - DAY - 1780'S

Serene music of the Italian Baroque - Pergolesi's Stabat
Mater - sung by a choir of boys with organ accompaniment.
We see the outside of the 17th-century church sitting in the
wide landscape of Lombardy: sunlit fields, a dusty, white
road, poplar trees.
INT. THE CHURCH AT LEGNAGO - DAY - 1780'S

The music continues and swells. We see the twelve-year-old
Salieri seated between his plump and placid parents in the
congregation, listening in rapture. His father is a heavy-
looking, self-approving man, obviously indifferent to the
music. A large and austere Christ on the cross hangs over
the altar. Candles burn below his image.

OLD SALIERI (V.O.)
Even then a spray of sounded notes
could make me dizzy, almost to
falling.

The boy falls forward on his knees. So do his parents and
the other members of the congregation. He stares up at Christ
who stares back at him.

OLD SALIERI (V.O.)
Whilst my father prayed earnestly to
God to protect commerce, I would
offer up secretly the proudest prayer
a boy could think of. Lord, make me
a great composer! Let me celebrate
your glory through music - and be
celebrated myself! Make me famous
through the world, dear God! Make me
immortal! After I die let people
speak my name forever with love for
what I wrote! In return I vow I will
give you my chastity - my industry,
my deepest humility, every hour of
my life. And I will help my fellow
man all I can. Amen and amen!

The music swells to a crescendo. The candles flare. We see
the Christ through the flames looking at the boy benignly.

OLD SALIERI (V.O.)
And do you know what happened? A
miracle!

INT. DINING ROOM IN THE SALIERI HOUSE - DAY - 1780'S

CU, a large cooked fish on a thick china plate. Camera pulls
back to show the Salieri family at dinner. Father Salieri
sits at the head of the table, a napkin tucked into his chin.
Mother Salieri is serving the fish into portions and handing
them round. Two maiden aunts are in attendance, wearing black,
and of course the young boy. Father Salieri receives his
plate of fish and starts to eat greedily. Suddenly there is
a gasp - he starts to choke violently on a fish bone. All
the women get up and crowd around him, thumping and pummeling
him, but it is in vain. Father Salieri collapses.
Genres: ["Drama","Biography"]

Summary Salieri plays his music for Father Vogler and reflects on his life and his envy of Mozart, confessing that he did not actually write Eine Kleine Nachtmusik. He recounts his childhood and how he prayed to be a great composer, but his father did not approve. He recounts a miracle where his father choked on a fish bone and died, allowing Salieri to pursue music.
Strengths "Strong introspection and character development for Old Salieri"
Weaknesses "Lacks action and tension"

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8


Story Content

Concept: 8

Plot: 7

Originality: 7

The scene is original in its approach to the subject matter of Mozart, presenting him as a child prodigy playing for the Pope in the Vatican. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue is also notable.


Character Development

Characters: 9

Character Changes: 7

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to reveal his guilt for the alleged murder of Mozart and to express his admiration for the composer. This reflects his deeper need for recognition and confirms his fear of being forgotten as a composer.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to come to terms with the fact that his public image has been tarnished by rumors of his involvement in Mozart's death. This circumstances he's facing forces him to confront his own legacy and the truth about his relationship with Mozart.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 4

Opposition: 0

High Stakes: 3

Story Forward: 6

Unpredictability: 0

Philosophical Conflict: 9

There is a clear philosophical conflict between the protagonist’s desires for fame and his moral stance against taking away Mozart’s life. The tension between these two opposing ethics challenges the protagonist's beliefs about the musical world.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

Dialogue: 8

Engagement: 8

This scene is engaging because of the philosophical conflict between the characters and the tension built around the protagonist's alleged involvement in Mozart's death.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is tight, with a slow build to the protagonist's confession, and a quick shift to the flashback sequence once his guilt is established.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 10

The formatting of the scene matches the expected format for its genre in terms of action and dialogue description.

Structure: 10

The structure of the scene matches the expected format for its genre in terms of location, time, and content.


Critique As a screenwriting expert, I think this scene is well-constructed and effectively establishes Old Salieri's character and motivations. The dialogue flows naturally and serves the purpose of the scene, which is to reveal Old Salieri's jealousy and resentment towards Mozart.

There are some parts, however, where the exposition could be more subtle. For instance, the flashback scenes of Mozart's childhood feel a bit heavy-handed and could benefit from more showing than telling.

Additionally, the pacing of the scene feels slow at times, particularly in the long pauses between dialogue. While these pauses serve to build tension, they could be tightened to keep the momentum of the scene moving forward.

Overall, this scene is well-written and establishes the central conflict of the story effectively.
Suggestions Here are a few suggestions to improve the scene:

1. Consider adding more visual elements to the scene. Right now, it's mostly dialogue between two characters. Adding more physical actions or details about the setting could make the scene more engaging for the audience.

2. Try to avoid information dumps. The dialogue between Old Salieri and Vogler feels like it's mostly there to give exposition about Salieri's past and his relationship with Mozart. While it's important information for the audience to know, finding a more organic way to weave it into the scene could make it feel less forced.

3. Consider adding more conflict to the scene. Right now, it feels a bit stagnant - the characters are just having a conversation without much tension or drama. Introducing a disagreement or a power dynamic between Old Salieri and Vogler could heighten the stakes and make the scene more interesting to watch.

4. Think about pacing. While it's important to give the audience necessary information, it's also important to keep the scene moving. Consider shortening some of the dialogue or adding in more action to make the scene feel more dynamic.



Scene 4 - Salieri's Enlightenment
INT. OLD SALIERI'S HOSPITAL ROOM - LATE AFTERNOON - 1823
OLD SALIERI
Suddenly he was dead. Just like that!
And my life changed forever. My mother
said, Go. Study music if you really
want to. Off with you! And off I
went as quick as I could and never
saw Italy again. Of course, I knew
God had arranged it all; that was
obvious. One moment I was a frustrated
boy in an obscure little town. The
next I was here, in Vienna, city of
musicians, sixteen years old and
studying under Gluck! Gluck, Father.
Do you know who he was? The greatest
composer of his time. And he loved
me! That was the wonder. He taught
me everything he knew. And when I
was ready, introduced me personally
to the Emperor! Emperor Joseph - the
musical king! Within a few years I
was his court composer. Wasn't that
incredible? Imperial Composer to His
Majesty! Actually the man had no ear
at all, but what did it matter? He
adored my music, that was enough.
Night after night I sat right next
to the Emperor of Austria, playing
duets with him, correcting the royal
sight-reading. Tell me, if you had
been me, wouldn't you have thought
God had accepted your vow? And believe
me, I honoured it. I was a model of
virtue. I kept my hands off women,
worked hours every day teaching
students, many of them for free,
sitting on endless committees to
help poor musicians - work and work
and work, that was all my life. And
it was wonderful! Everybody liked
me. I liked myself. I was the most
successful musician in Vienna. And
the happiest. Till he came. Mozart.

CUT TO:

INT. THE ARCHBISHOP OF SALZBURG'S RESIDENCE - VIENNA - DAY -
1780'S

A grand room crowded with guests. A small group of Gypsy
musicians is playing in the background. Thirteen members of
the Archbishop's orchestra - all wind players, complete with
18th-century wind instruments: elaborate-looking bassoons,
basset horns, etc. and wearing their employer's livery - are
laying out music on stands at one end of the room. At the
other end is a large gilded chair, bearing the arms of the
ARCHBISHOP OF SALZBURG. A throng of people is standing,
talking, and preparing to sit upon the rows of waiting chairs
to hear a concert.

OLD SALIERI (V.O.)
One day he came to Vienna to play
some of his music at the residence
of his employer, the Prince-Archbishop
of Salzburg. Eagerly I went there to
seek him out. That night changed my
life.

We see Salieri, age thirty-one, a neat, carefully turned-cut
man in decent black clothes and clean white linen, walking
through the crowd of guests. We follow him.

OLD SALIERI (V.O.)
As I went through the salon, I played
a game with myself. This man had
written his first concerto at the
age of four; his first symphony at
seven; a full-scale opera at twelve.
Did it show? Is talent like that
written on the face?

We see shots of assorted young men staring back at Salieri
as he moves through the crowd.

OLD SALIERI (V.O.)
Which one of them could he be?

Some of the men recognize Salieri and bow respectfully. Then
suddenly a servant bearing a large tray of cakes and pastries
stalks past. Instantly riveted by the sight of such delights,
Salieri follows him out of the Grand Salon.

INT. A PALACE CORRIDOR - DAY - 1780'S

The servant marches along bearing his tray of pastries aloft.
Salieri follows him.

The servant turns into:

INT. BUFFET ROOM IN THE PALACE - DAY - 1780'S

Salieri's POV: several tables, dressed to the floor with
cloths are loaded with many plates of confectionery. It is,
in fact, Salieri's idea of paradise! The servant puts his
tray down on one of the tables and withdraws from the room.

INT. A PALACE CORRIDOR - DAY - 1780'S

Salieri turns away so as not to be noticed by the servant.
As soon as the man disappears, Salieri sneaks into the buffet
room.

INT. BUFFET ROOM IN THE PALACE - DAY - 1780'S
Salieri enters the room and looks about him cautiously. He
is salivating with anticipation as he stares at the feast of
sweet things. His attention is attracted in particular by a
huge pile of dark chocolate balls arranged in the shape of a
pineapple. He reaches out a hand to steal one of the balls,
but at the same moment he hears giggling coming toward him.
He ducks down behind the pastry table.

A girl - CONSTANZE - rushes into the room. She runs straight
across it and hides herself behind one of the tables.

After a beat of total silence, MOZART runs into the room,
stops, and looks around. He is age twenty-six, wearing a
fine wig and a brilliant coat with the insignia of the
Archbishop of Salzburg upon it. He is puzzled; Constanze has
disappeared.

Baffled, he turns and is about to leave the room, when
Constanze suddenly squeaks from under the cloth like a tiny
mouse. Instantly Mozart drops to all fours and starts crawling
across the floor, meowing and hissing like a naughty cat.
Watched by an astonished Salieri, Mozart disappears under
the cloth and obviously pounces upon Constanze. We hear a
high-pitched giggle, which is going to characterize Mozart
throughout the film.

CUT TO:

INT. PALACE GRAND SALON - DAY - 1780'S

The throng is mostly seated. The musicians are in their
places, holding their various exotic-looking wind instruments;
the candles are all lit. A Majordomo appears and bangs his
staff on the floor for attention. Immediately COLLOREDO,
Prince-Archbishop of Salzburg enters. He is a small self-
important figure of fifty in a wig, surmounted by a scarlet
skullcap. He is followed by his Chamberlain, the Count ARCO.
Everyone stands. The Archbishop goes to his throne and sits.
His guests sit also. Arco gives the signal to start the music.
Nothing happens. Instead, a wind musician gets up, approaches
the Chamberlain and whispers in his ear. Arco in turn whispers
to the Archbishop.

ARCO
Mozart is not here.

COLLOREDO
Where is he?

ARCO
They're looking for him, Your Grace.

INT. A PALACE CORRIDOR - DAY - 1780'S

Three servants are opening doors and looking into rooms going
off the corridor.
CUT TO:

INT. PALACE GRAND SALON - DAY - 1780'S

The guests are turning around and looking at the Archbishop.
The musicians are watching. There is puzzlement and a murmur
of comment. The Archbishop tightens his lip.

COLLOREDO
(to Arco)
We'll start without him.
Genres: ["Biography","Drama"]

Summary Salieri reflects on his life and his envy of Mozart, confessing that he did not actually write Eine Kleine Nachtmusik. He recounts his childhood and how he prayed to be a great composer, but his father did not approve. He recounts a miracle where his father choked on a fish bone and died, allowing Salieri to pursue music.
Strengths "The dialogue between Salieri and Father Vogler allows for introspection and character development. The scene also showcases Salieri's admiration for Mozart."
Weaknesses "The scene lacks significant plot development or conflict."

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8


Story Content

Concept: 8

Plot: 7

Originality: 7

The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While it uses common storytelling techniques such as flashbacks, it also offers a fresh approach to the idea of talent and success by exploring the conflict between Salieri and Mozart.


Character Development

Characters: 9

Character Changes: 6

Internal Goal: 9

Old Salieri's internal goal is to reflect on his life and the path that led him to his present situation. He is questioning his faith and his place in the world and grappling with feelings of jealousy and resentment towards Mozart.

External Goal: 8

Old Salieri's external goal is to seek out Mozart in the palace and confront him about his talent and success.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 5

Opposition: 0

High Stakes: 4

Story Forward: 6

Unpredictability: 0

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict in this scene is the idea of talent and its role in success. Salieri is talented but envious of Mozart's seemingly effortless and constant talent, leading to a conflict between Salieri's hard work and talent and Mozart's innate ability.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

Dialogue: 8

Engagement: 8

This scene is engaging because it introduces the audience to a complex and intriguing character and sets up a conflict that will drive the narrative forward.

Pacing: 7

The pacing of the scene is deliberate and slow, allowing for introspection and reflection on Old Salieri's part, but also sets the stage for future conflict and action.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings and minimal description of character actions.

Structure: 8

The structure of this scene follows the expected structure for its genre by setting up the protagonist's internal and external goals and setting the stage for future conflicts.


Critique Overall, this is a well-written scene that effectively introduces the character of Salieri and sets up the conflict with Mozart. The use of voiceover to provide background information and context is effective, and the flashback to the meeting with Mozart adds intrigue and sets up the central conflict of the story.

One area of improvement could be in the action description. While there are some effective details such as the elaborate wind instruments and the chocolate ball pineapple, other descriptions are a bit sparse and could benefit from more sensory detail. Additionally, some of the action sequences could be clearer, such as when Mozart crawls across the floor and pounces on Constanze.

Overall, though, this is a solid scene that effectively sets up the central conflict and introduces key characters.
Suggestions Overall, the scene seems well-written and engaging. However, here are some suggestions for improvement:

1. Consider adding more physical descriptions and actions to help bring the scene to life visually. For example, when Salieri is walking through the crowd, you could describe what he sees and hears around him, how he's feeling as he searches for Mozart, and what he looks like.

2. Try to show, rather than tell, Salieri's admiration for Mozart and his talent. Instead of him simply thinking about Mozart's early accomplishments, you could add a flashback or a moment where he witnesses Mozart's music firsthand and is struck by its brilliance.

3. Consider giving Constanze more agency and character development. Right now, she seems like a passive object for Mozart to play with and Salieri to observe. You could give her more dialogue or actions to show that she has her own desires and interests.

4. Work on the transition from the hospital room to the flashback. It's a bit abrupt and disorienting, and it might be helpful to add some transitional language or a clear establishing shot to help the audience understand where and when they are.

5. Consider adding more tension or conflict to the scene in the palace. Right now, it's mostly a setup for Mozart's absence, and it might benefit from some added stakes or obstacles. For example, maybe there's a rival composer who is also vying for the Archbishop's favor, or maybe the wind musicians are struggling with a difficult piece of music.



Scene 5 - Salieri's Reflections
INT. PALACE BUFFET ROOM - DAY - 1780'S

Mozart is on his knees before the tablecloth, which reaches
to the floor. Under it is Constanze. We hear her giggling as
he talks.

MOZART
Miaouw! Miaouw! Mouse-wouse? It's
Puss-wuss, fangs-wangs. Paws-claws.
Pounce-bounce!

He grabs her ankle. She screams. He pulls her out by her
leg.

CONSTANZE
Stop it. Stop it!

They roll on the floor. He tickles her.

CONSTANZE
Stop it!

MOZART
I am! I am! I'm stopping it - slowly.
You see! Look, I've stopped. Now we
are going back.

He tries to drag her back under the table.

CONSTANZE
No! No! No!

MOZART
Yes! Back! Back! Listen - don't you
know where you are?

CONSTANZE
Where?

MOZART
We are in the Residence of the
Fartsbishop of Salzburg.

CONSTANZE
Fartsbishop!
She laughs delightedly, then addresses an imaginary
Archbishop.

CONSTANZE
Your Grace, I've got something to
tell you. I want to complain about
this man.

MOZART
Go ahead, tell him. Tell them all.
They won't understand you anyway.

CONSTANZE
Why not?

MOZART
Because here everything goes
backwards. People walk backwards,
dance backwards, sing backwards, and
talk backwards.

CONSTANZE
That's stupid.

MOZART
Why? People fart backwards.

CONSTANZE
Do you think that's funny?

MOZART
Yes, I think it's brilliant. You've
been doing it for years.

He gives a high pitched giggle.

CONSTANZE
Oh, ha, ha, ha.

MOZART
Sra-I'm-sick! Sra-I'm sick!

CONSTANZE
Yes, you are. You're very sick.

MOZART
No, no. Say it backwards, shit-wit.
Sra-I'm-sick Say it backwards!

CONSTANZE
(working it out)
Sra-I'm-sick. Sick - kiss I'm - my
Kiss my! Sra-I'm-sick - Kiss my arse!

MOZART
Em iram! Em iram!
CONSTANZE
No, I'm not playing this game.

MOZART
No, this is serious. Say it backwards.

CONSTANZE
No!

MOZART
Just say it - you'll see. It's very
serious. Em iram! Em iram!

CONSTANZE
Iram - marry Em - marry me! No, no!
You're a fiend. I'm not going to
marry a fiend. A dirty fiend at that.

MOZART
Ui-vol-i-tub!

CONSTANZE
Tub - but i-tub - but I vol - love
but I love ui - You. I love you!

The mood becomes suddenly softer. She kisses him. They
embrace. Then he spoils it.

MOZART
Tish-I'm tee. What's that?

CONSTANZE
What?

MOZART
Tish-I'm-tee.

CONSTANZE
Eat

MOZART
Yes.

CONSTANZE
Eat my - ah!

Shocked, she strikes at him. At the same moment the music
starts in the salon next door. We hear the opening of the
Serenade for Thirteen Wind Instruments, K.

MOZART
My music! They've started! They've
started without me!

He leaps up, disheveled and rumpled and runs out of the room.
Salieri watches in amazement and disgust.
CUT TO:

INT. PALACE CORRIDOR - DAY - 1780'S

The music is louder. Mozart hastens towards the Grand Salon
away from the buffet room, adjusting his dress as he goes.

INT. GRAND SALON - DAY - 1780'S

The opening of the Serenade is being tentatively conducted
by the leader of the wind-musicians. Guests turn around as
Mozart appears - bowing to the Archbishop - and walks with
an attempt at dignity to the dais where the wind band is
playing. The leader yields his place to the composer and
Mozart smoothly takes over conducting.

Constanze, deeply embarrassed, sneaks into the room and seats
herself at the back.

INT. PALACE BUFFET ROOM - DAY - 1780'S

The music fades down. Salieri stands shocked from his
inadvertent eavesdropping. After a second he moves almost in
a trance toward the door; the music dissolves.
Genres: ["Drama","Comedy"]

Summary Salieri reflects on his past while playing music for Father Vogler.
Strengths "Strong character development for Salieri with a reflective tone that adds depth to the narrative."
Weaknesses "Minimal plot development, with no real forward movement."

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9


Story Content

Concept: 9

Plot: 9

Originality: 8

The level of originality in this scene is relatively high. The use of irreverent humor and creative language to subvert societal norms is a fresh approach to a familiar genre of historical drama. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and in line with their historical counterparts.


Character Development

Characters: 9

Character Changes: 9

Internal Goal: 9

Mozart's internal goal is to be recognized for his talent and genius in music. He wants to be accepted and celebrated by the aristocratic society he is a part of.

External Goal: 9

Mozart's external goal is to conduct his new composition for the first time in front of an audience. This reflects his immediate circumstances of wanting to impress the Archbishop and his guests and maintain his reputation as a musical prodigy.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 5

Opposition: 0

High Stakes: 5

Story Forward: 8

Unpredictability: 0

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the tension between Mozart's artistic genius and the societal expectation to conform to the norms and expectations of the aristocracy. Mozart's irreverent behavior and humor stands in contrast to the seriousness and decorum expected of him.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

Dialogue: 8

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the dynamic between the characters, particularly Mozart and Constanze. The witty banter and physical comedy keeps the audience invested in the scene's unfolding.

Pacing: 7

The pacing of the scene could have been tighter, with some moments feeling unnecessarily drawn out and slowed the momentum of the scene. However, it still effectively conveyed the emotional and philosophical conflicts of the characters.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of this scene also follows the expected formatting for a screenplay in its genre, with proper scene descriptions and character headings.

Structure: 8

The structure of this scene follows expected structure for a screenplay in its genre, with clear action lines and dialogue breaks.


Critique As a screenwriting expert, I would critique this scene by saying that it portrays a playful and intimate moment between Mozart and Constanze, but it also includes some vulgar language and crude humor that may turn off some viewers. Additionally, the scene seems to end abruptly and transitions too quickly to the next scene, which may feel disjointed to some viewers. It may benefit from a smoother transition between scenes to maintain the flow. Overall, the scene is well-written in terms of dialogue and character interactions, but it could be refined further for better pacing and coherence.
Suggestions Firstly, the scene could benefit from some more clear and concise action lines. Specifically, when Mozart pulls Constanze out from under the table, it is not clear if he is pulling her out fully or just her ankle. Additionally, some of the action lines could be separated to better organize the scene.

Secondly, the language and dialogue could be improved to better reflect the time period and character's personalities. While the use of contemporary language and slang can be effective in some cases, here it feels out of place and takes away from the believability of the scene. The characters could also benefit from more distinct voices and personalities.

Finally, the transition between the buffet room and the grand salon feels abrupt and could use a clearer connection or explanation. It may benefit from some additional visual cues or sounds to alert the audience to the change in location.



Scene 6 - Salieri's Envy
INT. GRAND SALON - DAY - 1780'S

Mozart is conducting the Adagio from his Serenade (K. 361),
guiding the thirteen wind instrumentalists. The squeezebox
opening of the movement begins. Salieri appears at the door
at the back of the salon. He stares in disbelief at Mozart.

OLD SALIERI (V.O.)
So that was he! That giggling, dirty-
minded creature I'd just seen crawling
on the floor. Mozart. The phenomenon
whose legend had haunted my youth.
Impossible.

The music swells up and Salieri listens to it with eyes closed
-
amazed, transported - suddenly engulfed by the sound. Finally
it fades down and away and changes into applause. Salieri
opens his eyes.

The audience is clearly delighted. Mozart bows to them, also
delighted. Colloredo rises abruptly, and without looking at
Mozart or applauding and leaves the Salon. Count Arco
approaches the composer. Mozart turns to him, radiant.

ARCO
Follow me, please. The Archbishop
would like a word.

MOZART
Certainly!
He follows Arco out of the room, through a throng of admirers.

INT. ANOTHER PALACE CORRIDOR - DAY - 1780'S

Mozart and Arco walk side by side. They pass Salieri who is
staring at Mozart in fascination. As they disappear, he steals
toward the music stands, unable to help himself.

MOZART
Well, I think that went off remarkably
well, don't you?

ARCO
Indeed.

MOZART
These Viennese certainly know good
music when they hear it.

ARCO
His Grace is very angry with you.

MOZART
What do you mean?

They arrive at the door of Colloredo's private apartment.

ARCO
You are to come in here and ask his
pardon.

Arco opens the door.

INT. ARCHBISHOP'S PRIVATE ROOM - DAY - 1780'S

The Archbishop is sitting, chatting to quests. Among them
are several ladies. Arco approaches him obsequiously.

ARCO
Your Grace.

COLLOREDO
Ah, Mozart. Why?

MOZART
Why what, sir?

COLLOREDO
Why do I have to be humiliated in
front of my guests by one of my own
servants?

MOZART
Humiliated?

COLLOREDO
How much provocation am I to endure
from you? The more license I allow
you, the more you take.

The company watches this scene, deeply interested.

MOZART
If His Grace is not satisfied with
me, he can dismiss me.

COLLOREDO
I wish you to return immediately to
Salzburg. Your father is waiting for
you there patiently. I will speak to
you further when I come.

MOZART
No, Your Grace! I mean with all
humility, no. I would rather you
dismissed me. It's obvious I don't
satisfy.

COLLOREDO
Then try harder, Mozart. I have no
intention of dismissing you. You
will remain in my service and learn
your place. Go now.

He extends his hand to be kissed. Mozart does it with a
furious grace, then leaves the room. As he opens the door we
see:

INT. PALACE CORRIDOR - DAY - 1780'S

A group of people who have attended the concert, among them
Constanze, are standing outside the private apartment. At
sight of the composer they break into sustained applause.
Mozart is suddenly delighted. He throws the door wide open

so that the guests can see into the private apartment where
the Archbishop sits - and he can see them. Colloredo is
clearly discomfited by this reception of his employee. He
smiles and bows uneasily, as they include him in the small
ovation.

Mozart stands in the corridor, out of the Archbishop's line
of sight, bowing and giggling, and encouraging the applause
for the Archbishop with conducting gestures. Suddenly
irritated, Colloredo signs to Arco, who steps forward and
shuts the door, ending the applause.

INT. PALACE GRAND SALON - DAY - 1780'S

Salieri, in this vast room, is standing and looking at the
full score of the Serenade. He turns the pages back to the
slow movement. Instantly, we again hear its lyrical strains.
CU, Salieri, reading the score of the Adagio in helpless
fascination. The music is played against his description of
it.

OLD SALIERI (V.O.)
Extraordinary! On the page it looked
nothing. The beginning simple, almost
comic. Just a pulse - bassoons and
basset horns - like a rusty
squeezebox. Then suddenly - high
above it - an oboe, a single note,
hanging there unwavering, till a
clarinet took over and sweetened it
into a phrase of such delight! This
was no composition by a performing
monkey! This was a music I'd never
heard. Filled with such longing,
such unfulfillable longing, it had
me trembling. It seemed to me that I
was hearing a voice of God.

Suddenly the music snaps off. Mozart stands before him as he
lays down the score.

MOZART
Excuse me!

He takes the score, bows, and struts briskly out of the room.
Salieri stares uncomprehendingly after the jaunty little
figure.

OLD SALIERI (V.O.)
But why?

INT. OLD SALIERI'S HOSPITAL ROOM - NIGHT - 1823

OLD SALIERI
Why? Would God choose an obscene
child to be His instrument? It was
not to be believed! This piece had
to be an accident. It had to be!
Genres: ["Drama","Historical"]

Summary Salieri reflects on his life and his envy of Mozart while listening to Mozart's music. He recounts his childhood and his pursuit of music after his father's death. He confesses that he did not actually write Eine Kleine Nachtmusik.
Strengths "Provides insight into Salieri's character and motivations that drive the story forward."
Weaknesses "Lacks significant plot development."

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9


Story Content

Concept: 8

Plot: 8

Originality: 5

This scene is not particularly original as it follows a common trope of the genius artist clashing with authority. However, the historical context and detailed descriptions of the music and societal norms add a unique perspective.


Character Development

Characters: 9

Character Changes: 3

Internal Goal: 8

Mozart's internal goal is to prove himself as a talented composer and musician, despite the Archbishop's disapproval and criticism.

External Goal: 9

Mozart's external goal is to continue working for the Archbishop and appeal to his standards to avoid being sent back to his father in Salzburg.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 4

Opposition: 0

High Stakes: 3

Story Forward: 4

Unpredictability: 0

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is the idea of artistic merit vs. serving a higher authority. Mozart's talent and creativity clashes with the Archbishop's desire for control and conformity.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

Dialogue: 9

Engagement: 7

The scene is engaging because the tension between Mozart and the Archbishop creates conflict that propels the narrative forward. The music also creates a sense of awe and beauty.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene builds tension through the music and dialogue, while also giving the audience time to appreciate the performance. The scene moves at an appropriate pace for its genre.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of the scene follows the expected format for its genre with clear scene headings, descriptions, and character actions.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows a common format for its genre in terms of setting, pacing, and character interactions.


Critique As a screenwriting expert, I would say that this scene is well-written and effective in setting up the conflict between Mozart and his employer, the Archbishop. The use of Mozart's music as a backdrop for Salieri's commentary on it is particularly effective, as it allows the audience to experience the music along with the characters and emphasizes Mozart's genius.

One potential area for improvement is in the use of dialogue. Some of the lines, particularly those delivered by Colloredo, feel a bit on-the-nose and lacking in subtlety. However, this may be intentional in order to establish his character as a harsh, unsympathetic employer.

Overall, this scene effectively sets up the central conflict of the film and showcases Mozart's talent in a way that is both visually and aurally striking.
Suggestions One suggestion would be to add more visual descriptions to the scene to make it more engaging for the audience. For example, describing the grand salon in greater detail or the reactions of the audience members to the music. Another suggestion would be to heighten the tension between Mozart and Colloredo, perhaps adding more dialogue or body language to illustrate their power dynamic. This would help to make the conflict more clear and engaging for the audience. Additionally, it could be helpful to explore Salieri's character more deeply, giving the audience greater insight into his motivations and emotions as he watches Mozart perform. This would create a more well-rounded and dynamic scene overall.



Scene 7 - Salieri's Reflections
INT. PALACE DINING ROOM - DAY - 1780'S

At the table sits the EMPEROR JOSEPH II, eating his frugal
dinner and sipping goat's milk. He is an intelligent, dapper
man of forty, wearing a military uniform. Around him but
standing, are his Chamberlain, JOHANN VON STRACK: stiff and
highly correct. COUNT ORSINI-ROSENBERG: a corpulent man of
sixty, highly conscious of his position as Director of the
Opera. BARON VON SWIETEN, the Imperial Librarian: a grave
but kindly and educated man in his mid-fifties. FIRST
KAPELLMEISTER GIUSEPPE BONNO: very Italian, cringing and
time-serving, aged about seventy. And Salieri, wearing
decorous black, as usual.

At a side-table, two Imperial secretaries, using quill pens
and inkstands, write down everything of importance that is
said.

JOSEPH
How good is he, this Mozart?

VON SWIETEN
He's remarkable, Majesty. I heard an
extraordinary serious opera of his
last month. Idomeneo, King of Crete.

ORSINI-ROSENBERG
That? A most tiresome piece. I heard
it, too.

VON SWIETEN
Tiresome?

ORSINI-ROSENBERG
A young man trying to impress beyond
his abilities. Too much spice. Too
many notes.

VON SWIETEN
Majesty, I thought it the most
promising work I've heard in years.

JOSEPH
Ah-ha. Well then, we should make
some effort to acquire him. We could
use a good German composer in Vienna,
surely?

VON STRACK
I agree, Majesty, but I'm afraid
it's not possible. The young man is
still in the pay of the Archbishop.

JOSEPH
Very small pay, I imagine. I'm sure
he could be tempted with the right
offer. Say, an opera in German for
our National Theatre.

VON SWIETEN
Excellent, sire!

ORSINI-ROSENBERG
But not German, I beg your Majesty!
Italian is the proper language for
opera. All educated people agree on
that.

JOSEPH
Ah-ha. What do you say, Chamberlain?

VON STRACK
In my opinion, it is time we had a
piece in our own language, sir. Plain
German. For plain people.

He looks defiantly at Orsini-Rosenberg.

JOSEPH
Ah-ha. Kapellmeister?

BONNO
(Italian accent)
Majesty, I must agree with Herr
Dirretore. Opera is an Italian art,
solamente. German is - scusate - too
bruta for singing, too rough.

JOSEPH
Ah-ha. Court Composer, what do you
say?

SALIERI
I think it is an interesting notion
to keep Mozart in Vienna, Majesty.
It should really infuriate the
Archbishop beyond measure - if that
is your Majesty's intention.

JOSEPH
You are cattivo, Court Composer.
(briskly, to Von Strack)
I want to meet this young man.
Chamberlain, arrange a pleasant
welcome for him.

VON STRACK
Yes, sir.

JOSEPH
Well. There it is.

INT. BEDROOM IN SALIERI'S APARTMENT - DAY - 1780'S

A somber room which serves both as a bedroom and a study.
We see a four-poster bed. Also, a marble mantelpiece above
which hangs a handsome cross in olivewood, bearing the figure
of a severe Christ. Opposite this image sits Salieri at his
desk, on which stands a pile of music paper, quill pens and
ink. On one side of him is an open forte-piano on which he
occasionally tries notes from the march he is composing,
with some difficulty. He scratches notes out with his quill,
and ruffles his hair - which we see without a powdered wig.
There is a knock at the door.

SALIERI
Si.

A servant admits LORL, a young lower-class girl, who appears
carrying a basket in which is a box covered with a napkin.
She has just come from the baker's shop.

SALIERI
Ah! Here she comes. Fraulein Lorl,
good morning.

LORL
Good morning, sir.

SALIERI
What have you got for me today? Let
me see.

Greedily he unwraps the napkin and lifts the lid on the box.

SALIERI
Ah-ha! Siena macaroons - my
favourites. Give my best thanks to
the baker.

LORL
I will, sir.

He takes a biscuit and eats.

SALIERI
Thank you. Are you well today,
Fraulein Lorl?

LORL
Yes, thank you, sir.

SALIERI
Bene! Bene!

She gives a little curtsey, flattered and giggling and is
shown out. Salieri turns back to his work, chewing. He plays
through a complete line of the march. He smiles, pleased
with the result.

SALIERI
Grazie, Signore.

He inclines his head to the Christ above the fireplace, and
starts to play the whole march, including the phrase which
pleased him.
Genres: ["Drama","Historical"]

Summary Salieri reflects on his life and his envy of Mozart while playing music for Father Vogler.
Strengths "The scene reveals more about Salieri's character and motivations, the language of the characters is engaging and nuanced."
Weaknesses "The scene is static and could benefit from more visual elements to break up the dialogue-heavy interaction."

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8


Story Content

Concept: 7

Plot: 8

Originality: 6

The scene does not feature extremely original situations or characters, but it does offer a fresh take on the dynamic between Salieri and Mozart. The dialogue feels authentic to the time period and the character's positions.


Character Development

Characters: 9

Character Changes: 5

Internal Goal: 8

Salieri's internal goal is not explicitly stated in this scene, but his actions and dialogue suggest a desire to maintain his position as the Court Composer and to prevent Mozart from becoming a rival. He also seems to take satisfaction in being able to influence the Emperor's decision-making.

External Goal: 9

The protagonist's external goal is to convince the Emperor to meet with Mozart and potentially offer him a job, which would allow Salieri to maintain control over the musical establishment.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 5

Opposition: 0

High Stakes: 6

Story Forward: 7

Unpredictability: 0

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The scene presents a philosophical conflict between traditionalists who believe that Italian is the only proper language for opera and those who advocate for German as a way to appeal to plain people. Salieri seems to align with the traditionalists, while the Emperor is open to exploring new ideas.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

Dialogue: 8

Engagement: 7

This scene is engaging because it offers insight into the complex power dynamics within the musical establishment during this time period, as well as the conflicting opinions about what constitutes proper opera.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective because it allows for clear, concise dialogue while also building tension and conflict between characters.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 10

The scene follows expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings and descriptions of character actions and dialogue.

Structure: 9

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with clear formatting and pacing that facilitates dialogue between characters.


Critique Overall, the scene is well-crafted with clear and concise descriptions of the characters and their surroundings. The dialogue flows naturally and gives insight into the politics and rivalries of the time period.

One possible improvement could be to give more depth to the characters, especially Mozart and Salieri, who are mentioned but not seen or heard from in this scene. It would also be interesting to see more action or conflict within the scene, rather than just a discussion about acquiring a composer.

However, as this scene is likely one small part of a larger story, it may not be necessary to fully develop these elements in this particular moment. Overall, the scene effectively sets up the tension and intrigue that will likely unfold as the story progresses.
Suggestions Overall, this scene is well-written with clear character descriptions and good dialogue, but here are a few suggestions to improve it:

1. Consider tightening up the character descriptions - some of them are a bit lengthy and could be streamlined. For example, instead of "the Imperial Librarian: a grave but kindly and educated man in his mid-fifties," simply write "the Imperial Librarian, grave and kindly in his mid-fifties."

2. Find ways to make the action more dynamic. As it stands, most of the scene takes place with characters sitting or standing still while talking. Consider adding some movement or action to make the scene more visually interesting. For example, Salieri could be pacing while playing the piano, or the Emperor could be gesturing while making his points.

3. Consider adding some conflict or tension to the scene. As it stands, the discussion about Mozart is relatively civil and polite. Finding ways to inject some disagreements or opposing viewpoints could make the scene more compelling. For example, instead of all the characters agreeing that Mozart is talented but disagreeing about whether he should compose German or Italian operas, have some characters take a stronger stance against Mozart, or have some characters argue against each other.

4. Find ways to make the characters more distinct. As it stands, some of the characters blur together a bit - for example, Johann von Strack and Giuseppe Bonno are both described as cringing and time-serving. Consider finding ways to differentiate these characters more, either through their dialogue or their actions.

Overall, this is a solid scene but could benefit from some added dynamism and tension.



Scene 8 - Salieri's Confession and Mozart's Arrival
INT. A WIGMAKER'S SHOP - VIENNA - DAY - 1780'S

The march continues on the forte-piano as we see Mozart,
seated in front of a mirror, wearing an extravagant wig. On
either side of him stands a SALESMAN, one of them holding
another wig, equally extravagant. Mozart takes off the first
wig, to reveal his own blonde hair, of which he is extremely
proud, and hands it back.
MOZART
And the other one?

The Salesman puts the second wig on his head. Mozart pulls a
face of doubt in the mirror.

MOZART
And the other one?

He takes it off and the other Salesman replaces it with the
first wig on his head.

MOZART
Oh, they're both so beautiful, I
can't decide. Why don't I have two
heads?

He giggles. The music stops.

INT. GRAND SALON - THE ROYAL PALACE - DAY - 1780'S

A door opens. We glimpse in the next room the Emperor Joseph
bidding goodbye to a group of military officers standing
around a table.

JOSEPH
Good, good, good.

He turns and comes into the salon, where another group awaits
him. It consists of Von Strack, Orsini-Rosenberg, Bonno, Von
Swieten and Salieri. The room contains several gilded chairs
dotted about, and a forte-piano.

JOSEPH
Good morning, gentlemen.

All bow and say, Good morning, Your Majesty!

JOSEPH
(to Von Strack)
Well, what do you have for me today?

VON STRACK
Your Majesty, Herr Mozart -

JOSEPH
Yes, what about him?

VON STRACK
He's here.

JOSEPH
Ah-ha. Well. There it is. Good.

SALIERI
Majesty, I hope you won't think it
improper, but I have written a little
March of Welcome in his honour.

He produces a paper.

JOSEPH
What a charming idea. May I see?

SALIERI
(handing it over)
It's just a trifle, of course.

JOSEPH
May I try it?

SALIERI
Majesty.

The Emperor goes to the instrument, sits and plays the first
bars of it. Quite well.

JOSEPH
Delightful, Court Composer. Would
you permit me to play it as he comes
in?

SALIERI
You do me too much honour, Sire.

JOSEPH
Let's have some fun.
(to the waiting
Majordomo)
Bring in Herr Mozart, please. But
slowly, slowly. I need a minute to
practice.

The Majordomo bows and goes. The Emperor addresses himself
to the march. He plays a wrong note.

SALIERI
A-flat, Majesty.

JOSEPH
Ah-ha!

INT. PALACE CORRIDOR - VIENNA - DAY - 1780'S

Taking his instructions literally, the Majordomo is marching
very slowly toward the salon door. He is followed by a
bewildered Mozart, dressed very stylishly and wearing one of
the wigs from the perruqier.
Genres: ["Drama","Historical"]

Summary Salieri reflects on his past and confesses his jealousy of Mozart. He plays music for Father Vogler while recounting his childhood and his pursuit of music. Meanwhile, the Emperor is anticipating Mozart's arrival and requesting a march from Salieri.
Strengths "The scene provides insight into Salieri's character and his relationship with Mozart. It also sets up Mozart's arrival and the anticipation surrounding it."
Weaknesses "The scene is largely expository and slow-paced. The humor of Mozart's wig dilemma falls a bit flat."

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8


Story Content

Concept: 7

Plot: 8

Originality: 5

The scene does not present any particularly unique situations or approaches, but it does present an authentic portrayal of the opulent lifestyles of aristocrats and court composers in Vienna during the 1780s. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue is supported by historical research.


Character Development

Characters: 9

Character Changes: 6

Internal Goal: 9

Mozart's internal goal is to impress Emperor Joseph with his talent and receive praise. This goal reflects his deep desire for recognition and validation of his musical genius.

External Goal: 9

Mozart's external goal is to have his music played and recognized by the Emperor. This reflects the immediate challenge he faces in gaining the Emperor's favor and securing his position as a composer for the Court.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

Opposition: 0

High Stakes: 5

Story Forward: 7

Unpredictability: 0

Philosophical Conflict: 0

There is no evident philosophical conflict in this scene.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

Dialogue: 8

Engagement: 8

This scene is engaging because of the witty dialogue and playful banter. The characters' interactions are entertaining, and the lush setting provides a spectacle.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is effective as the dialogue moves the scene forward while providing entertainment. The transition between locations is smooth, and there is a natural rhythm to the scene.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 10

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre. The sluglines and descriptions are clear and concise, and there is a clear distinction between dialogue and action.

Structure: 9

The structure of the scene follows the expected structure for its genre. It begins with a location and time stamp, moves to a character action and dialogue in the new location, and ends with a transition to another location. The dialogue flows naturally and progresses the story.


Critique Overall, the scene is well-written and serves its purpose in establishing the time and place as well as introducing some of the characters. However, there are a few areas where it could be improved:

- The dialogue could be more engaging and reveal more about the characters. As it stands, much of the dialogue is functional and doesn't offer much insight into the personalities or motivations of the characters. Adding more subtext or conflict could make the scene more interesting.
- The action could also be more dynamic. The scene is mostly characters standing and talking, which can be visually uninteresting for the audience. Including more movement or visual interest (such as Mozart trying on wigs) could make the scene more engaging.
- The details could also be more specific to the time and place. While the scene is set in Vienna in the 1780s, there is nothing in the scene that specifically connects it to that time and place. Adding more details that are unique to the setting could make the scene richer and more immersive for the audience. For example, including references to the music of the time or the politics of the era could help ground the scene in its historical context.

Overall, while the scene is functional, it could be improved with more engaging dialogue, dynamic action, and specific historical details.
Suggestions Overall, this scene could benefit from more visual and sensory details to enhance the audience's experience of the setting and characters. Here are some specific suggestions:

- Instead of simply stating that the music continues on the fortepiano, describe the sound and how it establishes the tone or mood of the scene. Is it a lively or somber melody? Does it build suspense or anticipation?
- Use action and body language to convey more about Mozart's character. How does he interact with the salesmen and react to their wigs? Does he fidget or preen in front of the mirror? These details can show his vanity or insecurity and make him more relatable or memorable to the audience.
- Create more contrast between the Wigmaker's Shop and the Grand Salon. How does the lighting or decor change? Are there different sounds or smells in each location? These differences can add depth and meaning to the story, especially if they reflect the social or political divisions of the time period.
- Show more reactions from the other characters as the Emperor plays the March of Welcome and makes mistakes. Do they show amusement, annoyance, or admiration? Are they nervous or excited to meet Mozart? These reactions can reveal their personalities and motives and create more tension or humor in the scene.
- Add more physical description of Mozart's appearance and attire, as well as the Majordomo's march. What colors or patterns are in the wig and clothing? Is the walk comical or dignified? These details can enrich the sensory experience and help the audience imagine the scene more vividly.

By incorporating these suggestions, the scene could become more engaging and immersive, and better serve the overall story and themes of the film.



Scene 9 - Mozart Gets a Commission
INT. ROYAL PALACE GRAND SALON - DAY - 1780'S

Joseph finishes the march. The door opens.

MAJORDOMO
Herr Mozart.

Mozart comes in eagerly. Immediately the march begins, played
by His Majesty. All the courtiers stand, listening with
admiration. Joseph plays well, but applies himself fiercely
to the manuscript. Mozart, still bewildered, regards the
scene, but does not seem to pay attention to the music itself.
It finishes and all clap obsequiously.

ORSINI-ROSENBERG
Bravo, Your Majesty!

VON STRACK
Well done, Sire!

The Emperor rises, pleased with himself. He snatches the
manuscript off the stand and holds it in his hand for the
rest of the scene.

JOSEPH
Gentlemen, gentlemen, a little less
enthusiasm, I beg you. Ah, Mozart.

He extends his hand. Mozart throws himself to his knees, and
to Joseph's discomfort kisses the royal hand with fervour.

MOZART
Your Majesty!

JOSEPH
No, no, please! It is not a holy
relic.
(raising Mozart up)
You know we have met already? In
this very room. Perhaps you won't
remember it, you were only six years
old.
(to the others)
He was giving the most brilliant
little concert here. As he got off
the stool, he slipped and fell. My
sister Antoinette helped him up
herself, and do you know what he
did? Jumped straight into her arms
and said, Will you marry me, yes or
no?

Embarrassed, Mozart bursts into a wild giggle. Joseph helps
him out.

JOSEPH
You know all these gentlemen, I'm
sure.

Von Strack and Bonno nod.

JOSEPH
The Baron Von Swieten.

VON SWIETEN
I'm a great admirer of yours, young
man. Welcome.

MOZART
Oh, thank you.

JOSEPH
The Director of our Opera. Count
Orsini-Rosenberg.

MOZART
(bowing excitedly)
Oh sir, yes! The honour is mine.
Absolutely.

Orsini-Rosenberg nods without enthusiasm.

JOSEPH
And here is our illustrious Court
Composer, Herr Salieri.

SALIERI
(taking his hand)
Finally! Such an immense joy. Diletto
straordinario!

MOZART
I know your work well, Signore. Do
you know I actually composed some
variations on a melody of yours?

SALIERI
Really?

MOZART
Mio caro Adone.

SALIERI
Ah!

MOZART
A funny little tune, but it yielded
some good things.

JOSEPH
And now he has returned the
compliment. Herr Salieri composed
that March of Welcome for you.

MOZART
(speaking expertly)
Really? Oh, grazie, Signore! Sono
commosso! E un onore per mo
eccezionale. Compositore brilliante
e famossissimo!

He bows elaborately. Salieri inclines himself, dryly.

SALIERI
My pleasure.

JOSEPH
Well, there it is. Now to business.
Young man, we are going to commission
an opera from you. What do you say?

MOZART
Majesty!

JOSEPH
(to the courtiers)
Did we vote in the end for German or
Italian?

ORSINI-ROSENBERG
Well, actually, Sire, if you remember,
we did finally incline to Italian.

VON STRACK
Did we?

VON SWIETEN
I don't think it was really decided,
Director.

MOZART
Oh, German! German! Please let it be
German.

JOSEPH
Why so?

MOZART
Because I've already found the most
wonderful libretto!

ORSINI-ROSENBERG
Oh? Have I seen it?

MOZART
I - I don't think you have, Herr
Director. Not yet. I mean, it's quite
n - Of course, I'll show it to you
immediately.

ORSINI-ROSENBERG
I think you'd better.

JOSEPH
Well, what is it about? Tell us the
story.
MOZART
It's actually quite amusing, Majesty.
It's set - the whole thing is set
in a - in a -

He stops short with a little giggle.

JOSEPH
Yes, where?

MOZART
In a Pasha's Harem, Majesty. A
Seraglio.

JOSEPH
Ah-ha.

ORSINI-ROSENBERG
You mean in Turkey?

MOZART
Exactly.

ORSINI-ROSENBERG
Then why especially does it have to
be in German?

MOZART
Well not especially. It can be in
Turkish, if you really want. I don't
care.

He giggles again. Orsini-Rosenberg looks at him sourly.

VON SWIETEN
(kindly)
My dear fellow, the language is not
finally the point. Do you really
think that subject is quite
appropriate for a national theatre?

MOZART
Why not? It's charming. I mean, I
don't actually show concubines
exposing their! their! It's not
indecent!
(to Joseph)
It's highly moral, Majesty. It's
full of proper German virtues. I
swear it. Absolutely!

JOSEPH
Well, I'm glad to hear that.

SALIERI
Excuse me, Sire, but what do you
think these could be? Being a
foreigner, I would love to learn.

JOSEPH
Cattivo again, Court Composer. Well,
tell him, Mozart. Name us a German
virtue.

MOZART
Love, Sire!

SALIERI
Ah, love! Well of course in Italy we
know nothing about that.

The Italian faction - Orsini-Rosenberg and Bonno - laugh
discreetly.

MOZART
No, I don't think you do. I mean
watching Italian opera, all those
male sopranos screeching. Stupid fat
couples rolling their eyes about!
That's not love - it's just rubbish.

An embarrassed pause. Bonno giggles in nervous amusement.

MOZART
Majesty, you choose the language. It
will be my task to set it to the