Die hard

Genres: The, list, of, genres, for, the, movie, is:, Action, Thriller, Comedy, Drama, Crime



Summary Die Hard tells the story of John McClane, a police officer who is caught up in a terrorist attack on a corporate building during Christmas Eve. As the only person who can stop the terrorists from detonating explosives, McClane must fight with bravery and ingenuity to save his wife and the hostages held by the terrorists. Despite losing some hostages and getting shot in the leg, McClane ultimately succeeds in stopping the terrorists and escaping with his wife, with the help of fellow police officers and the SWAT team.


Screenplay Story Analysis

Story Critique Die Hard has become a classic action movie that is known for its thrilling story. The film manages to keep the audience on the edge of their seats throughout the movie. While the character development is minimal and the dialogue can sometimes be cliché, the plot is well-structured with a high stakes story that audiences can root for. The terrorist occupation and McClane's attempts to stop them create a tense, action-packed environment. There are times when the script could have given more attention to character development, but the pacing of the story and the suspenseful action more than make up for those shortcomings.

Suggestions: To improve the screenplay, the characters can be given more backstory and personality to build a deeper connection with the audience. Another suggestion is to include more dialogue that is authentic and unique to the characters. While the action scenes are thrilling, the audience could feel more engaged if they connect with the story on an emotional level. Lastly, the script can add more clues and hints about the terrorists' backstory to create a more engaging conflict. Adding these elements can elevate Die Hard from a great movie to an all-time classic.

Note: This is the overall critique. For scene by scene critique click here



Summary of Scene Level Analysis

Scene Strengths
  • Intense action and suspense
  • Tense atmosphere and high stakes
  • Strong character interactions and development
  • Effective pacing and suspenseful plot
  • Well-established setting and conflict
Scene Weaknesses
  • Limited dialogue and character development in some scenes
  • Slow pacing and lack of action in some scenes
  • Simplistic or cliched dialogue at times
  • Unclear or underdeveloped character motivations in some scenes
  • Lack of emotional depth or impact in some scenes
Suggestions
  • Consider ways to add more nuance and depth to the dialogue, especially in scenes with limited character development.
  • Prioritize pacing and action in scenes that are slower or lack conflict.
  • Experiment with different approaches to dialogue to avoid cliches and predictability.
  • Provide more clarity and depth to character motivations, especially for antagonists.
  • Work to create more emotional impact in key moments by exploring character motivations and themes more deeply.

Note: This is the synthesis. See scene by scene analysis here


How scenes compare to the Scripts in our Library

Note: The ratings are the averages of all the scenes.
Title
Grade
Percentile Before After
Conflict Level 9.0  93 A Quiet Place: 8.9 Die hard: 9.0
High Stakes 9.2  92 Silence of the lambs: 8.9 Die hard: 9.2
Plot 8.5  88 Breaking bad: 8.4 the dark knight rises: 8.5
Story Forward 8.4  86 Breaking bad: 8.3 Die hard: 8.4
Overall 8.4  68 Killers of the flower moon: 8.3 Avatar: 8.4
Concept 7.8  51 Stranger things: 7.7 Get Out: 7.8
Emotional Impact 7.2  41 Mo: 7.1 heathers : 7.2
Character Changes 5.4  23 Severance: 5.3 Dr. Strangelove: 5.4
Dialogue 7.1  12 Severance: 7.0 Die hard: 7.1
Characters 7.8  11 Catch me if you can: 7.7 sense 8: 7.8



See the full analysis by clicking the title.

1 Die Hard - Opening Scene "Suspenseful" 7 5 6 7 26335 7
2 The Nakatomi Building "Tense" 7 7 6 7 04365 6
3 The Ride to Nakatomi "Lighthearted" 8 7 6 9 22254 8
4 Arrival at Nakatomi Corporation "Suspenseful" 8 8 9 7 26485 8
5 First Meeting at Nakatomi Corporation "Tense" 8 7 7 8 67676 7
6 Reuniting and Setting Up "Tense" 8 8 8 7 47876 7
7 Criminals Infiltrate Nakatomi Corporation "Suspenseful" 10 9 10 8 61011107 7
8 Infiltration "Tense" 9 9 10 8 6101098 8
9 The Terrorists Make Their Demands "Tense" 9 8 9 8 591087 7
10 Terrorists Takeover the Nakatomi Corporation Building "Tense" 9 8 9 8 7101098 7
11 Infiltration and Murder "Tense" 8 9 8 7 591098 6
12 McClane Evades Terrorists on the 37th Floor "Intense" 9 8 9 9 7101098 7
13 Confrontation in the Stairwell "Intense" 8 9 8 7 49987 6
14 The Aftermath of Violence "Suspenseful" 8 9 8 7 391086 6
15 Distress Call from the Rooftop "Intense" 8 7 8 7 491087 6
16 Distress Call "Intense" 9 8 9 8 6101097 9
17 McClane Escapes from Elevator Shaft "Tense" 8 7 8 7 69987 6
18 Escape and Pursuit "Tense" 9 8 9 8 69997 7
19 Distress Call and News Report "Intense" 8 7 8 7 39986 6
20 Police Backup Arrives "Intense" 8 7 8 7 58987 6
21 McClane vs. Marco "Intense" 9 8 9 8 7101098 8
22 Powell Under Fire "tense" 8 7 9 8 59997 6
23 McClane and Theo Team Up "Tense" 8 7 8 8 69986 8
24 Communication Breakdown "Intense" 7 7 7 8 58876 7
25 Explosive Discovery "tense" 8 8 9 6 591097 7
26 McClane and Theo's Standoff "Tense" 9 8 9 9 6101098 8
27 Detonators and Truces "Tense" 9 8 10 9 791098 9
28 Stand-Off on the 39th Floor "Tense" 8 7 8 7 69986 7
29 Stand-off and Rejection "Tense" 7 8 8 6 58986 7
30 Stand-Off and Rejection "Tense" 8 9 8 8 69987 7
31 Stand-off and Truce Rejection "Tense" 8 7 9 7 510986 6
32 untitled null 0 0 0 0 00000 0
33 Staircase Escape "Intense" 9 8 9 8 4101087 7
34 Maxi-Pad Escape "Intense" 8 7 8 7 48986 6
35 Standoff null 7 6 7 6 49875 6
36 Escalation "Tense" 8 7 8 7 49986 7
37 Explosion and Aftermath "Intense" 8 9 8 7 691087 7
38 ROBINSON "Intense" 8 7 8 8 59986 7
39 Communication and Hostage Negotiation "Tense" 9 8 9 9 69987 8
40 Hostage Execution "intense" 9 8 9 7 51010109 8
41 Race Against Time "Intense" 9 8 9 8 71010109 9
42 Hostages and Negotiations "Tense" 8 7 9 8 61011108 7
43 Deadly Consequences "Tense" 9 8 9 8 6101098 7
44 Countdown Starting "tense" 9 9 9 8 6101198 7
45 Hostages Held on the Rooftop "Tense" 9 8 9 9 8101199 8
46 Hostage Negotiations "tense" 9 8 10 8 5101098 8
47 Negotiations "Tense" 9 8 9 9 48986 8
48 Hostage Crisis Escalates "Intense" 9 8 9 8 7101099 7
49 McClane Prepares for Action "Intense" 8 7 8 7 691087 7
50 Race Against Time "Tense" 9 8 9 8 6101097 8
51 Standoff and Attack "Intense" 9 8 9 8 6111198 7
52 Deadly Consequences "intense" 8 7 8 7 49987 6
53 McClane's Desperation "Intense" 9 8 9 8 69987 7
54 McClane Fights Back "Intense" 10 10 9 9 71011910 8
55 Desperate Measures "Intense" 9 9 10 9 71010109 8
56 McClane and Holly Reunite "Intense" 9 9 9 8 61010109 7
57 The Final Showdown "intense" 9 8 10 9 61011108 8
58 The Final Showdown "Intense" 9 8 9 8 51011109 7
59 Standoff and Escape "tense" 8 9 8 8 71111109 6
60 Final Confrontation "Intense" 9 8 9 9 6101099 7


Scene 1 - Die Hard - Opening Scene
( i




"DIE HARD"



Screenplay
by


Jeb Stuart

/JR»S,



based on the novel

Nothing Lasts Forever

by

Roderick Thorp




SECOND REVISED DRAFT
October 2, 1987

A Gordon Company/Silver Pictures Production
"DIE HARD"
FADE IN
405 FREEWAY - LOS ANGELES - EARLY EVENING 1
Christmas tinsel on the light poles. We ARE LOOKING east
past Inglewood INTO the orange grid of L.A. at night when
suddenly we TILT UP TO CATCH the huge belly of a landing
747 — the noise is deafening.
INT. 747 - PASSENGERS - SAME 2
The usual moment just after landing when you let out that
sigh of relief that you've made it in one piece.
ON JOHN MCCLANE 3
mid-thirties, good-looking, athletic and tired from his trip.
He sits by the window. His relief on landing is subtle but
we notice. Suddenly, he hears a voice next to him.
MAN'S VOICE
(o.s.)
J^W!fc'"S Don't fly much do you?
McClane looks over at a grinning middle-aged BUSINESSMAN
sitting next to him.
MCCLANE
No.
BUSINESSMAN
Want to know the secret of
surviving air travel?...Take off
your shoes and socks when you get
where you're going and walk
around ten minutes barefoot.
Better than a shower and a cup
of coffee...
MCCLANE
(warily)
Thanks... I'11 remember that.
The Businessman picks up on McClane's scepticism and takes
it as a challenge. His salesman's smile broadens.
BUSINESSMAN
You think I'm crazy don't you?
Trust me. I've been a salesman
for twenty years. I know what
I'm talking about.
(CONTINUED)
A98
CONTINUED: 3
/0s**..
The Businessman oozes confidence. McClane reaches up to help
a woman down with her bags and the butt of his Beretta
handgun suddenly becomes visible to the Businessman. The
man blanches at the sight and McClane notices the look.
He's seen it before.
MCCLANE
It's okay...I'm a cop.
We SEE this doesn't totally calm the Businessman. McClane
holds his look and produces a gold NYPD Detective's shield.
MCCLANE
(firm and
definite)
Trust me. I've been doing it
for thirteen years.
Genres: ["Action","Thriller"]

Summary John McClane, a police officer, lands in Los Angeles, and strikes up a conversation with a fellow passenger.
Strengths "Interesting dialogue and setting up the tone for the thriller"
Weaknesses "Slow pace and no real action"

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 7


Story Content

Concept: 5

Plot: 6

Originality: 0


Character Development

Characters: 7

Character Changes: 2

Internal Goal: 0

External Goal: 0


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

Opposition: 0

High Stakes: 3

Story Forward: 3

Unpredictability: 0

Philosophical Conflict: 0


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 5

Dialogue: 7

Engagement: 0

Pacing: 0


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 0

Structure: 0


Critique Overall, this scene does a good job of introducing the main character, John McClane, in a way that is interesting and sets up his skills and personality. The dialogue is mostly natural and flows well, and there is a good balance between showing and telling.

However, there are a few areas that could be improved. Firstly, the description of the setting could use a bit more visual detail to really bring it to life. Secondly, the conversation between McClane and the Businessman, while entertaining, feels a bit too expositional and on-the-nose in terms of setting up McClane as a cop. It might have been more effective to show this through his actions or have it come out more naturally in conversation. Finally, the dialogue in the scene could benefit from some more subtext and nuance to add depth to the characters and make the conversation more compelling.
Suggestions Overall, this scene seems to be setting up John McClane as the protagonist and establishing his character as a no-nonsense cop. However, there are a few ways this scene could be improved:

1. Show, don't tell. Right now, we're being told that McClane is tired from his trip and that he's a cop. It would be more effective to show him exhibiting traits that indicate he's a cop, or to have other characters refer to him as such in dialogue that feels more natural.

2. Make the dialogue feel more authentic. The conversation between McClane and the Businessman feels a bit forced and on-the-nose. It might be more effective to have them talk about something that's not related to the plot, but that reveals more about their characters.

3. Increase the tension. Right now, there's not much conflict in this scene. McClane shows his badge and the Businessman backs down. It would be more engaging if there was some sort of obstacle that McClane had to overcome, even if it's something small.

4. Find a way to make the scene more visually interesting. Right now, it's just two people sitting on a plane and talking. Maybe there's a way to incorporate some interesting camera angles or lighting that make the scene more dynamic.



Scene 2 - The Nakatomi Building
INT. THE NAKATOMI BUILDING (LOS ANGELES) - EVENING 4
CLOSE ON A bottle of Dom Perignon as the cork explodes across
a large office floor decorated for Christmas. A Japanese
man, mid-fifties standing on a desk holds up the bottle
triumphantly and looks out at an adoring audience of junior
executives and office personnel. He is JOSEPH TAKAGI,
Sr. V.P. of Sales for Nakatomi, a multinational corporation.
TAKAGI
Ladies and gentlemen...1
congratulate each and every one
of you for making this one of
the greatest days in the history
of the Nakatomi corporation...
In the b.g., obviously still at work, an attractive
BUSINESSWOMAN in her mid-thirties, studying a computer
printout, heads toward her office. Falling into step with
her is HARRY ELLIS, thirty-seven, V.P. of Sales. Well-dressed,
with stylish, slicked-back hair, he looks and acts very
smooth.
ELLIS
What about dinner?
WOMAN (HOLLY)
Do you ever look at the calendar,
Harry? Christmas Eve...Santa*s
arriving...Family...Those things
ring a bell?
She turns into:



A98
3

HER OFFICE 5
Her name is HOLLY GENNARO MCCLANE, though the nameplate on
her door stops after the first two. She puts the printout
down on her secretary's desk.
HOLLY
(to her secretary)
Go on out, Ginny, they're opening
the champagne.
GINNY
(grateful to be
released)
Thanks Ms. Gennaro.
Ginny passes Ellis in the doorway as Holly punches a number
on the phone.
I ELLIS
' (not giving up)
How about tomorrow night?
HOLLY
(dryly)
Worse.
Just then the party on Holly's phone picks up and WE:
INTERCUT:
6 INT. NICE HOUSE IN SANTA MONICA 6
where a four-year-old girl, LUCY MCCLANE, answers the phone
with a sense of importance.
LUCY
Hello, this is Lucy McClane.
Holly suddenly smiles. It is the first time we've seen her
smile and it speaks volumes about the person hidden under a
tough business exterior.
HOLLY
(with affection)
Hello, Lucy McClane. This is
your mother.
She looks up and watches Ellis leave.
LUCY
/fH^s
Mommy! When are you coming home?!
(CONTINUED)



A98
4
CONTINUED: 6
J^*>*

HOLLY
Soon. You'll be in bed when
I get there, though.
LUCY
Will you come say 'good night'?
HOLLY
Don't I always, you goose?
(enjoys her
daughter's giggle
over the line)
May I speak with Paulina, please?
Lucy hands the phone to a young Salvadorian woman, PAULINA,
the housekeeper.
PAULINA
Hello, Ms. Holly. You coming
home soon?
HOLLY
Hopefully.
(beat)
Mr. McClane didn't call, did he?
PAULINA
No ma'am.
Holly hides a trace of disappointment.
HOLLY
Maybe that means he got a flight.
Why don't you make up the bed in
the spare room, just in case.
PAULINA
(smiling)
Yes ma'am, I already did.
Holly's smile comes through again.
INT. LAX - EVENING 7
McClan^-r^earing TBTs-sWool topcoat and carrying a huge
FAg^chwartz stuffep. animal and his hangup bag, comes down
ramp with the Businessman from the

BUSINESSMAN
Remember...bare feet, ten minutes.
Merry Christmas.
(CONTINUED)

A98
CONTINUED: 7
MCCLANE
Yeah...Merry Christmas...
The Businessman moves down the ramp and is lovingly greeted
by his family. McClane watches, moved by the sight, then
looks around the waiting area, just on the chance his family
might be waiting. Instead he spots a thin, gangling, black
kid, WILLIAM, in an ill-fitting chaufeur's uniform. As he
waits he beats «out a rhythm on a card with J. McCLANE printed
on it. McClane pauses in front of him.
MCCLANE
I'm John McClane.
WILLIAM
William, Sir...I'm your limo
driver. Nice bag.
He turns and starts walking.
MCCLANE
Don't you take this?
WILLIAM
(stops)
Do I?
MCCLANE
Hell, I don't know. I've never
been picked up by a limo before.
William takes McClane's bag.
WILLIAM
Hey, that's good...'cause I've
never driven one before.
CUT TO:
Genres: ["Action","Thriller"]

Summary John McClane lands in Los Angeles and is greeted by his limo driver, William. Meanwhile, employees at the Nakatomi corporation celebrate Christmas Eve.
Strengths
  • Establishes setting and characters effectively
  • Tension is introduced with Holly and Harry's interaction
  • John McClane is introduced in an interesting way
Weaknesses
  • Not much conflict present
  • Dialogue could be stronger

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 7


Story Content

Concept: 7

Plot: 6

Originality: 0


Character Development

Characters: 7

Character Changes: 0

Internal Goal: 0

External Goal: 0


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 4

Opposition: 0

High Stakes: 3

Story Forward: 6

Unpredictability: 0

Philosophical Conflict: 0


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 5

Dialogue: 6

Engagement: 0

Pacing: 0


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 0

Structure: 0


Critique Overall, this scene sets up the characters and their relationships well, but there are a few areas that could be improved from a screenwriting perspective.

Firstly, the scene could benefit from more specific and visual descriptions. For example, instead of simply saying "she turns into her office," there could be a description of the office itself and how it appears on screen. This helps to create a more vivid setting for the audience.

Additionally, there could be more action and movement within the scene to make it more engaging visually. While there is some movement, such as Holly putting down a printout and making a phone call, there could be more dynamic action to break up the dialogue and keep the scene from feeling stagnant.

Lastly, while the dialogue is naturalistic and helps to establish the characters' personalities, there is room to make it more compelling. Adding more subtext and tension to the conversation between Holly and Ellis, for example, could make the scene more interesting and help to build anticipation for what is to come.

Overall, the scene has good bones but could benefit from more attention paid to visual and dialogue details to make it more engaging for the audience.
Suggestions Overall, the scene sets up the characters and their relationships well, but there are a few areas that could be improved:

1. The dialogue between Ellis and Holly feels clichéd and predictable. It might be more interesting if their banter had a little more edge, or if Holly shut it down more decisively.

2. The reveal of Holly's daughter over the phone feels a little too on-the-nose in terms of showing Holly's softer side. It might be more effective to hint at this aspect of her character earlier in the scene, rather than relying on a single phone call.

3. The dialogue between McClane and William also feels a little forced. It might be more natural for McClane to express his uncertainty about taking a limo ride earlier in the conversation with William.

Overall, these are relatively minor quibbles, and the scene does a good job of establishing the characters and their situations. One possible direction to take the scene would be to make the dialogue more nuanced and less reliant on clichés, while still maintaining a sense of humor and energy.



Scene 3 - The Ride to Nakatomi
INT. LIMOUSINE - DUSK 8
McClane and William both sit in the front seat as the black
limo turns off the Santa Monica Freeway and heads north
toward Century City. The huge toy animal sits in the backseat.
McClane hears a rustling at his feet and looks down
to see a bunch of fast food wrappers. Picks one up — it
says Taco Bell — and looks at William who grins sheepishly.
WILLIAM
What can I say, man? I didn't
<T expect you to sit up front.
(CONTINUED)


A98
6
8 CONTINUED: 8
f* WILLIAM (Cont.)
(popping in a
cassette)
Mind if I play some tunes?
A hard RAP SONG blasts from the speakers.
MCCLANE
How 'bout some Christmas music?
WILLIAM
That is Christmas music.
McClane gives up and grins, tosses the wrapper back on the
floor and looks out the window.
9 HIS P.O.V. 9
Convertibles with Christmas trees in their backseats,
Time/Temperature signs which read: 69°, and palm trees
trimmed in Christmas lights — it is clear that Christmas
L.A. style is a foreign commodity he could live happily
without.
WILLIAM
f* (to the animal
• in the back)
You know, you're stocked backed
there. We got CD, CB, TV, phone,
full bar. I even know a couple
of Teddy Bears...
(to McClane)
...Or is he married?
MCCLANE
Married.
WILLIAM
She live out here?
MCCLANE
As of six months ago.
WILLIAM
And you live in New York?
MCCLANE
You're nosey, you know that,
William?
f^ WILLIAM
Hey, I'm sorry. I got to quit
doing that, you know.
(CONTINUED)
A98
7

3 CONTINUED: 9
MCCLANE
That's okay.
WILLIAM
So, you divorced or what?
McClane gives up.
MCCLANE
She had a good job, it turned
into a great career.
WILLIAM
But meant her moving here.
MCCLANE
You're fast.
I
/ WILLIAM
So, why didn't you come?
MCCLANE
'Cause I'm a New York cop not an
IBM salesman. I don't just get up
and move.
WILLIAM
(to the point)
And you didn't think she'd make
it here?
McClane grins, he likes William even if he is direct.
MCCLANE
You're fast, William.
10 INT. LOS ANGELES POLICE STATION - NIGHT 10
A miniature Christmas tree with blinking lights sits on a
desk of SERGEANT AL POWELL, thirties, a man who's had enough
experience to know how bad it can be out there. He speaks
in low tones to the telephone.
POWELL
(defensively)
Yeah, yeah, honey, don't go
crazy —
(listening, then)
— I know you're pregnant. I know
you get cravings. I didn't say I
wouldn't buy *em, I just said I wish
you'd buy *em in big boxes...
(CONTINUED)

A98
8
Genres: ["Action","Comedy"]

Summary John McClane takes a limo ride to the Nakatomi Corporation building while conversing with his driver William. Meanwhile, the employees of Nakatomi Corporation celebrate Christmas Eve.
Strengths
  • Humorous banter between John McClane and William adds character development and sets the lighthearted tone
  • Establishes the Christmas setting in Los Angeles
Weaknesses
  • Little plot progression or tension
  • Limited emotional impact

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8


Story Content

Concept: 7

Plot: 6

Originality: 0


Character Development

Characters: 9

Character Changes: 2

Internal Goal: 0

External Goal: 0


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 2

Opposition: 0

High Stakes: 2

Story Forward: 5

Unpredictability: 0

Philosophical Conflict: 0


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 4

Dialogue: 8

Engagement: 0

Pacing: 0


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 0

Structure: 0


Critique As a screenwriting AI language model, I can offer several critiques for the following scene:

1. Lack of clarity in character introduction: The scene starts without a clear introduction to who McClane and William are or what their relationship is. It's important to establish the characters and their relationship early on, so the audience can become invested in them.

2. Weak dialogue: The dialogue lacks depth and substance, with characters engaging in small talk that doesn't add much to the story. For example, McClane asking for Christmas music and William responding that the rap song is Christmas music, feels superficial.

3. Lack of conflict: The scene doesn't have any significant conflict or tension. There are no stakes involved, and the conversation doesn't move the story forward in any meaningful way.

4. Little attention given to setting: While the setting is supposed to be Los Angeles, it's not getting the attention it deserves. The scene could be taking place in any city in the world, as there's no indication of the LA-specific culture or environment.

Overall, the scene feels bland and does not engage the audience effectively. It lacks a strong sense of character, dialogue, and conflict, that are essential for any compelling story.
Suggestions Here are some suggestions to improve the scene:

1. Add more action: The scene is mostly dialogue-driven with little action. Consider adding some visuals or physical movements to make the scene more visually interesting. For example, McClane could be fidgeting with something in the car or reacting to something outside the window.

2. Raise the stakes: The dialogue in the scene is mostly small talk. Consider adding some tension or conflict to make the scene more engaging. Perhaps the limo gets caught in traffic or the characters receive a threatening phone call.

3. Develop the characters: The scene could benefit from more character development. We learn very little about McClane and William, and their conversation feels surface-level. Consider adding backstory or personality traits to make the characters more three-dimensional.

4. Connect the scene to the larger story: Scenes should always serve the larger story. While this scene gives some context to the setting of Los Angeles, it doesn't seem to directly connect to the main plot. Consider adding a thread that ties this scene to the larger story, even if it's just a small detail.



Scene 4 - Arrival at Nakatomi Corporation
10 CONTINUED: ' 10
Suddenly Powell's miniature tree is knocked on its side and a
handgun goes spinning across the desk into his lap. He looks
up to see two cops trying to subdue a struggling suspect in
front of his desk. COP #1 looks up at Powell and grins.
COP #1
Don't worry, Al, it ain't loaded.
POWELL
(to phone)
I got to go.
Powell hangs up and puts the heavy firearm on the desk as the
two cops shove the suspect into a chair in front of him.
COP #2 stares at the suspect and points at Powell.
I COP #2
Sergeant Powell's a very deadly
man with a handgun, so don't try
anything or he might kill you...
by accident.
The two cops laugh. Powell ignores them, and expertly rolls
in a sheet of paper into his main weapon — the typewriter.
POWELL
(to suspect)
Full name, last name first...
11 -INT. LIMO - NIGHT 11
McClane and William pull up in front of the Nakatomi building,
a forty story, ultra-modern highrise in Century City.
WILLIAM
You here to patch things up?
MCCLANE
I'm here to try. Thanks for the
ride, William.
He gets out and William sits a moment in the car alone before
getting out to help him with the bags.
12 EXT. NAKATOMI BUILDING - NIGHT 12
William climbs out of the limo and stops by the trunk.
WILLIAM
What happens if you don't get back
with your wife? Where*re you going
to stay?
(CONTINUED)

A98
12 CONTINUED: _ 12
MCCLANE
I'll find someplace.
He looks up at the highrise lit by huge spotlights, then
back at William who's made no attempt to open the trunk.
WILLIAM
Look, I'm going to pull into the
parking garage and wait. You score
with your wife give me a call on
the car phone and I'11 leave your
bags inside at the desk. You strike
out...I'11 get you to a hotel.
He hands McClane a slip with the number on it.
MCCLANE
(taking the number)
Thanks. What're you going to do?
WILLIAM
Don't worry about William...
(points to the
stuffed animal)
...He's going to hang out with his
friend here till you call.
13 INT. NAKATOMI LOBBY - NIGHT 13
Beautiful and deserted. A large Christmas tree stands next
to the security table where the GUARD sits. McClane goes to
the desk and signs in.
MCCLANE
Holly Gennaro. International Sales.
GUARD
Thirty-second floor...You can't miss
'em, they're the only ones left in
the place.
14 INT. ELEVATOR - NIGHT 14
McClane riding the elevator. He rotates his head. Getting
the cricks out. As he approaches the 32nd floor we
hear a tremendous THUMPING, THROBBING NOISE. McClane
stops and listens before he realizes — it's the party. As
the doors open the noise attacks us.
15 32ND FLOOR - SAME 15
McClane moves around the edge of the party and stops a
dancing woman who points to Holly's "office.

A98
10
Genres: ["Action","Thriller","Drama"]

Summary John McClane takes a limo ride to the Nakatomi Corporation building and arrives to meet his wife on Christmas Eve.
Strengths "Establishes the setting, introduces important characters, and sets up the conflict."
Weaknesses "The scene lacks action and emotional impact."

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8


Story Content

Concept: 8

Plot: 9

Originality: 0


Character Development

Characters: 7

Character Changes: 2

Internal Goal: 0

External Goal: 0


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

Opposition: 0

High Stakes: 4

Story Forward: 8

Unpredictability: 0

Philosophical Conflict: 0


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 5

Dialogue: 8

Engagement: 0

Pacing: 0


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 0

Structure: 0


Critique The scene starts with an action that immediately captures attention - the miniature tree being knocked down and a handgun spinning across the desk. However, the dialogue between the cops and Powell feels forced and unrealistic. The attempt at humor falls flat and distracts from the gravity of the situation.

The introduction of McClane and William in the following scene is done well and sets up their dynamic. However, the dialogue could be tighter and more purposeful. William's offer to help McClane if he strikes out with his wife feels too convenient and insincere.

Overall, the scene has good pacing and tension, but the dialogue could benefit from some revision to feel more natural and less forced.
Suggestions There are a few things that could be improved in this scene:

1. The transition between the two scenes (Powell's office and McClane arriving at the building) seems abrupt. Adding a brief establishing shot of the exterior of the building before cutting to the limo could make the transition smoother.

2. The dialogue between Powell and the cops feels a bit cliché and forced. It may be more effective to have them share a more natural exchange that reveals something about their characters.

3. The description of the Christmas party on the 32nd floor is a bit vague. Adding more sensory details could help create a more vivid atmosphere and increase the contrast with the quiet, deserted lobby.

4. The conversation between McClane and William feels a bit stilted. Adding more specific details (e.g. about their relationship or William's personality) could help make the interaction more engaging.

5. Finally, it might be helpful to clarify the significance of the handgun in Powell's office. Is it just a prop or does it foreshadow something? Adding a bit more context could create anticipation and tension for later in the story.



Scene 5 - First Meeting at Nakatomi Corporation
16 HOLLY'S OFFICE - SAME 16
McClane pauses at the door and notes the name, then knocks.
It is opened by Takagi. Ellis sits behind Holly's secretary's
desk and nervously taps a tightly-rolled dollar bill.
MCCLANE
Sorry, I was looking for —
TAKAGI
Holly Gennaro?
MCCLANE
Yeah...
TAKAGI
Then you must be John McClane.
(introducing
himself)
Joe Takagi, John. How was your
ride in?
Ellis subtly runs a checking finger under his nose then stands
to shake hands with McClane. McClane takes it all in.
MCCLANE
Nice. Do I have you to thank for
that?
TAKAGI
Or blame for it. She was going to
meet you herself, but I threw some
things at her at the last minutes.
(motions to Ellis)
John, this is Harry Ellis one of our
shining stars in international sales.
(to Ellis)
John is a New York policeman.
ELLIS
(shaking hands)
Pleasure to meet you. I've heard
a lot about you from your ex-...
(correcting
himself)
...your wife.
We can tell by McClane's look that he doesn't think much of
Ellis. McClane holds Ellis' look and runs his finger subtly
under his nose.
MCCLANE
(low, to Elli.s)
You missed some.

(CONTINUED)

A98
11

16 CONTINUED: 16
yflE^X

MCCLANE (Cont.)
(to Takagi)
Well, you fellas throw quite a
Christmas party.
Ellis automatically puts his hand to his face before
realizing his face is clean.

TAKAGI
Well, actually it's also a little
celebration for a deal we closed
this afternoon. A $150,000,000
deal. A deal we have Holly to
thank a lot for —
Holly enters. Seeing McClane momentarily stops her.
J
/
HOLLY
(surprised)
John...Oh...Did you meet everyone? —

TAKAGI
No, we've been sticking spears in
^S*!S\ him...of course he has.
McClane and Holly look at each other for a moment awkwardly
then she kisses him on the cheek. The awkwardness pleases
Ellis.
TAKAGI
(to McClane)
She's made for this business.
Tough as nails.

ELLIS
Show him the watch.
He points to a new gold Rolex on Holly's wrist.
HOLLY
(giving him
a look)
I will later.
ELLIS
Ahh...Show him. Don't be
embarrassed.
(to McClane)
A little something to show how much
we appreciate her good work.
(CONTINUED)

A98
12

16 CONTINUED: (2) 16

Holly fixes Ellis with a lethal look.
MCCLANE
I'm sure I'll see it later. Right
now I could use a place to wash up.

17 EXT. NAKATOMI - NIGHT 17

A UPS truck turns off Olympic into the underground parking
garage of Nakatomi.

18 INT. PARKING GARAGE 18

It goes down the ramp and passes William's black limo. William
I is not visible in the front. The back windows are tinted.

19 INT. LIMO - SAME 19

William sits in the backseat. He is making a drink from the
bar with the TV on and his rap music blasting from the
cassette player, oblivious to the truck passing behind him.

20 INT. PARKING GARAGE - SAME 20
The UPS truck stops in front of the service elevator on the
next level down. As the truck idles, the uniformed driver
makes a note on his clipboard.

21 INT. ELLIS' OFFICE- WASHROOM - NIGHT 21
Genres: ["Action","Thriller"]

Summary John McClane meets Holly's colleagues, Takagi and Ellis, at the Nakatomi Corporation building on Christmas Eve. Takagi welcomes John while Ellis nervously taps a dollar bill. Holly enters and the awkwardness between her and John is evident. Ellis gives Holly a new gold Rolex watch. Meanwhile, a UPS truck enters the Nakatomi parking garage.
Strengths "The scene effectively introduces key characters and establishes the tense atmosphere. The awkwardness between Holly and John adds a layer of complexity to their relationship."
Weaknesses "The scene's pacing is slow and the events that occur are not particularly exciting. The introduction of the UPS truck feels disconnected from the rest of the scene."

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8


Story Content

Concept: 7

Plot: 7

Originality: 0


Character Development

Characters: 8

Character Changes: 6

Internal Goal: 0

External Goal: 0


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

Opposition: 0

High Stakes: 6

Story Forward: 7

Unpredictability: 0

Philosophical Conflict: 0


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

Dialogue: 7

Engagement: 0

Pacing: 0


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 0

Structure: 0


Critique Overall, this scene seems well-written in terms of character introduction and dialogue. However, it could benefit from more visual description and action to break up some of the talking heads. It also might be helpful to clarify the setting and location a bit more for the reader. Additionally, the introduction of the limo and William could be better integrated into the scene to create more tension and suspense. Overall, there is potential for improvement but the scene is effective in introducing the characters and setting up the story.
Suggestions One suggestion to improve this scene would be to work on building the tension and foreshadowing the upcoming conflict. The scene feels somewhat static and could benefit from some more dynamic interactions between the characters. For example, instead of just having McClane make a comment about Ellis' lack of cleanliness, perhaps there could be some more subtle power plays and tension building between them. Additionally, there could be some small hints or clues that something dangerous is lurking on the horizon, perhaps through shots of the building's security measures or some ominous music in the background. This would help to keep the audience engaged and on edge, while also setting the stage for the upcoming conflict.



Scene 6 - Reuniting and Setting Up
Holly sits in Ellis' office — a Sharper Image kind of place.
Through a door to the private washroom, she watches McClane
in his T-shirt finish washing his face.
HOLLY
Sorry about Ellis. He has a
hard time this time of year...
MCCLANE
Hey, I know the type. He thought
he was God's greatest gift.
They both smile, a reminder of something past.
HOLLY
So, where are you staying? This
all happened so fast I didn't
even ask you on the phone.
(CONTINUED)
A98
13

21 . CONTINUED: 21
J^tn\


McClane finishes drying his face and steps to the doorway.
MCCLANE
Well, Cappy Roberts retired out
here a couple years ago. He said
I could bunk with him.
HOLLY
Oh...Where does he live?
MCCLANE
Pomona.
HOLLY
PomonaI You'll be in the car
the whole time...Look, let's make
this easy. I have a spare bedroom.
It's not huge, but the kids would
love to have you at the house.
McClane fixes her with a look.
MCCLANE
How about you?
HOLLY
(beat, honest)
I would too.
MCCLANE
I feel kinda stupid asking how
things are going, that seems
pretty obvious.
He nods at her new watch. She rubs her watchband
self-consciously and when she looks up McClane is staring
at her.
MCCLANE
God, you look good.
HOLLY
(pleased, smiles)
You don't look half-bad yourself.
They lock eyes for a moment, but it's an intense moment that
says a lot about how they still feel about each other. Just
then a man and a woman, both a little tipsy, open the door
to the office, see that its occupied and beat a hasty
/Si^V retreat. The interruption temporarily dents the mood.
Holly tries to smile.
(CONTINUED)


A98
14

21 ' CONTINUED: (2) 21
HOLLY
Welcome to L.A...I've missed you.
She leaves and McClane smiles to himself — it's a start. He
looks at all the lavishness around him and picks up a phone
on the wall by the toilet. He opens his wallet and takes out
the phone number William gave him. A photo of his children
stops him.
22 INSERT - THE PHOTO 22
Holly and the two children we saw at Holly's house. He flips
it over. On the back in crude but painstaking hand of a
five-year-old it says: WE MISS YOU, DADDY. LOVE JOHN (and
in more primative letters) LUCY.
23 MCCLANE 23
returns the photo to his wallet, dials the number and begins
to unlace his shoes.
24 INT. BUILDING LOBBY - SAME 24
The Guard at the front desk notices the UPS truck on his
monitor. The Guard continues to watch the UPS truck and
only half notices as a BMW pulls up in front of the building
and two extremely well-dressed, BUSINESSMEN (late twenties)
climb out and start up the stairs for the door. As they
cross the lobby to the Guard's table to sign-in, we hear
•their conversation.
MAN #1 (THEO)
(animatedly)
...So, Kareem rebounds — listen,
this is a great play — feeds Worthy
on the break, over to A.C., to Magic,
back to Worthy in the lane and —
Suddenly the other man pulls out a Walther pistol with a
silencer and aims it at the Guard's forehead. Before the
Guard can react he pulls the trigger.
MAN #1 (THEO)
(dryly)
Boom...two points.
(The speed with which the murder takes place sets the tone
for the rest of the action.) The killer moves behind the
desk, stepping over a small pool of blood from the Guard.
His name is KARL, big, with long blond hair like a rock
drummer. Karl takes off the silencer and looks at the
(CONTINUED)


A98
15
Genres: ["Action","Thriller"]

Summary Holly meets John, and they discuss his sleeping arrangements. A gift exchange occurs. Meanwhile, a group of criminals enters the Nakatomi building.
Strengths "Introduces tension and establishes character relationships."
Weaknesses "Dialogue can be somewhat on-the-nose."

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8


Story Content

Concept: 8

Plot: 8

Originality: 0


Character Development

Characters: 7

Character Changes: 4

Internal Goal: 0

External Goal: 0


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

Opposition: 0

High Stakes: 8

Story Forward: 7

Unpredictability: 0

Philosophical Conflict: 0


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

Dialogue: 7

Engagement: 0

Pacing: 0


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 0

Structure: 0


Critique As a screenwriting expert, I would say that this scene is well-written in terms of character development and dialogue. The interaction between Holly and McClane feels natural and shows their history together as a married couple. It's also a good way to introduce McClane to Holly's workplace, which will become important later in the story.

The interruption by the drunk couple, however, feels a bit cliché and unnecessary. It takes away from the mood of the scene and feels like a cheap attempt at humor.

The introduction of the villains in the final part of the scene is effective in establishing the danger that McClane will face. The dialogue between the two men is a clever way to introduce the idea of a "play" that will be used later in the story as a means of stealing the money from the vault.

Overall, this scene is well-written and sets up important relationships and plot points for the rest of the story.
Suggestions As a screenwriting expert, here are some suggestions to improve the scene:

1. Establish the setting better: Instead of just describing Ellis' office as a "Sharper Image kind of place," describe the furniture, decor, and other details that make it unique.

2. Develop the dialogue: Have Holly and McClane talk about something more meaningful than just where he's staying. This is a great opportunity to reveal more about their relationship and what's been happening in their lives.

3. Increase the tension: When the two intoxicated strangers interrupt Holly and McClane, play up the awkwardness and add a sense of danger. Maybe these strangers seem suspicious or could be potential threats.

4. Add more visual elements: Instead of relying so heavily on dialogue, add more actions, reactions, and description to help visualize the scene. For example, you could describe the lighting, camera angles, or facial expressions to enhance the emotions and atmosphere.

5. Foreshadow the action: Include some clues or hints that suggest the violence and danger to come, such as subtle references to guns, explosions, or other action movie tropes. This will help build suspense and anticipation for later scenes.



Scene 7 - Criminals Infiltrate Nakatomi Corporation
24 CONTINUED: 24
J0£\
video monitor of the UPS truck. The first man, THEO, opens
his briefcase and takes out a portable CB radio.
THEO
(on CB)
We're in.
25 ON THE SCREEN 25
the driver nods at the security camera as several men climb
out the rear of the van and begin unloading wooden crates•by
the service elevator.
26 INT. BUILDING OPERATIONS CONTROL ROOM 26
Theo enters the small control room and comfortably sits
behind a maintenance keyboard. With a few typed-in commands
}
he locks down the passenger elevators up to the 32nd floor.
i Then with several more computer commands, .systematically
causes:
27 THE HEAVY STEEL GATES TO THE PARKING GARAGE CLOSE 27
28 THE ESCALATORS TO THE GARAGE COME TO A STOP 28
29 THE POWERFUL BLOWERS IN THE AIR CONDITIONING TOWER 29
ON THE ROOF SUDDENLY STOP AND WE HEAR JUST THE
TRICKLE OF WATER IN THE COOLING TOWER
30 CONTROL ROOM - SAME 30
Theo finishes typing and disconnects the keyboard and pulls
out the wires from beneath the panel.
31 INT. LOBBY - SAME 31
The doors to a service elevator open TO REVEAL HANS GRUBER,
impeccably dressed, lean and handsome, he steps out into the
lobby like he owns the building — and in a way he does.
Theo steps to the door of the control room and tosses Hans
the Guard's master keys. Hans goes to the front door and
locks it. He looks out at the street — not a creature is
stirring — Century City is quiet.
32 KARL 32
waits beside an elevator which opens REVEALING NINE MEN
dressed in fatigues, all armed with Kalashnikov machine guns
and carrying canvas kit bags. One of them, HEINZ, in his
twenties, goes to the dead guard and immediately begins
\ changing into the dead man's clothes.



A98
16

33 KARL 33
takes a tool case from the elevator and heads silently for
the basement stairwell.
34 THEO 34
leaves the control room and nods to Hans.
35 HEINZ 35

half-dressed in his uniform, takes his position behind the
front desk.
36 HANS 36
looks at his watch and seems pleased. He steps into the
service elevator with the others and presses the button for
1 the 32nd floor. The entire sequence has taken maybe sixty
( seconds.
37 INT. ELLIS' BATHROOM - 32ND FLOOR - SAME 37
McClane, barefoot, his pant legs rolled up above his ankles.
He finishes dialing and waits for the party to answer.

/Jl//lfl"\ 38 INT. BUILDING BASEMENT - PHONE ROOM 38
A large sign says: PACIFIC BELL EMPLOYEES ONLY. Inside
Karl stands in front of an intimidating matrix of phone lines
— but what he has in mind won't require a doctorate in
Electrical Engineering. He focuses on four CPV plastic
conduits which run out of the main panel over his head and
opens his case REVEALING a compact electric chain saw.
39 INT. ELLIS' BATHROOM - SAME 39
McClane on the phone.
MCCLANE
(on phone)
William?...
40 INT. LIMO 40
William is reclining on the seat. The music is on so loud
that it is nearly impossible to hear.
WILLIAM
So, man, what's the story?
/liBBNy 41 INT. PHONE ROOM - SAME 41
Karl cuts through the four tubes one at a time.
Genres: ["Action","Thriller"]

Summary Criminals infiltrate the Nakatomi Corporation building through a UPS truck, disabling services and locking down elevators, escalators and air conditioning systems
Strengths "The tension and stakes are high, the planning of the criminals is detailed, and the dangers presented are compelling."
Weaknesses "There is not much character development or dialogue in this scene."

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 10


Story Content

Concept: 9

Plot: 10

Originality: 0


Character Development

Characters: 8

Character Changes: 6

Internal Goal: 0

External Goal: 0


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 10

Opposition: 0

High Stakes: 11

Story Forward: 10

Unpredictability: 0

Philosophical Conflict: 0


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

Dialogue: 7

Engagement: 0

Pacing: 0


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 0

Structure: 0


Critique The scene is well-written and effectively builds tension. The use of multiple locations and actions happening simultaneously keeps the audience engaged and interested. The use of specific details, such as the types of weapons and equipment being used, adds to the realism of the situation. The dialogue is natural and serves to move the plot forward. Overall, this is a strong scene that effectively sets up the heist plotline.
Suggestions Overall, this is a well-written scene with clear action and dialogue. However, here are a few suggestions for improvement:

1. Add more visual description: While there is some description of what is happening, there could be a bit more detail to paint a clearer picture for the reader. For example, when Hans locks the door, you could describe the sound of the lock clicking into place, or the look on his face as he surveys the quiet street outside.

2. Add more character development: These characters are all well-defined, but we don't get much insight into their motivations or personalities. Consider adding a bit more dialogue or action that gives us a sense of who they are beyond their roles in the heist.

3. Vary sentence structure: There are a lot of short, straightforward sentences in this scene, which can start to feel repetitive. Try mixing it up with longer sentences, more complex syntax, or rhetorical devices like parallel structure or rhetorical questions.

4. Consider the pacing: This is a relatively long scene that involves a lot of setup for the heist. While it's important to convey all of this information, you may want to think about ways to make it feel more dynamic and engaging for the reader. Can you add any twists or surprises, or up the tension in some way?



Scene 8 - Infiltration
A98
17
42 INT. ELLIS' BATHROOM - SAME 42
ytf&*^S McClane on the phone.
MCCLANE
I'm just calling to —
He stops and gently taps the phone cradle. No dial tone.
43 INT. LIMO 43
William looks at the phone.
WILLIAM
W h a t ? — M r . Mac, you there?
He turns down the music but there is no one on the line.
WILLIAM
(to himself)
Well, call me back, John. You got
the number.
He hangs up and turns the volume back up.
44 ELLIS' OFFICE 44
He hangs up the phone and goes into Ellis' office and picks
up the phone on the desk. It too is dead.
\ 45 INT. SERVICE ELEVATOR 45
Hans and the others approaching the 32nd floor. As they grow
closer we hear the noise of the speakers growing louder and
louder. The men cock their weapons and brace themselves as
the car stops and the elevator doors open. ON THE SOUND OF
GUNSHOTS AND SCREAMS WE:
CUT TO:
46 INT. ELLIS' OFFICE 46
McClane grabs his shoulder harness off the back of the chair
and moves quickly to the doorway. He looks down the hall.
47 HIS P.O.V. 47
Two terrorists, FRANCO and TONY, armed with M-5 machine guns
searching the offices on the hall one by one. They open a
door, look in from the hallway, and move on quickly to the
next. They are four offices away and moving fast.
McClane looks across the corridor and sees the stairwell door
— too far to reach without being seen.
(*** 48 MCCLANE , . 48
steps back, throws off the safety on his Beretta and braces
himself.

A98
18
49 HALLWAY - FRANCO AND TONY 49
^0™^

reach the office just before Ellis' and throw open the door
REVEALING the man and woman who interrupted Holly and
McClane a few minutes before, now in the throes of passionate
lovemaking on the desk. The two terrorists smile at each
other then enter the office.
A moment later the man, trying desperately to pull up his
pants and woman buttoning her blouse, are pushed out into
the hall and toward the party, by Tony. The other
terrorist. Franco, goes to Ellis' office and opens the door.
It is empty. Only McClane's shoes and coat remain.
50 INT. STAIRWELL - SAME 50
CLOSE ON McClane's bare feet padding quickly up the concrete
stairs, two at a time. We FOLLOW him up two flights, then
| out onto the:
51 34TH FLOOR 51
i
| Unlike the 32nd it has no surrounding offices, just one
| large secretarial pool with hundreds of desks, hundreds of
phones, dark and deserted. McClane moves quickly to a desk
and picks up a phone. It's out.
P MCCLANE
1
Shit...
Out the windows a high-rise apartment building a half-block
away sparkles with lights. McClane stares at a woman in her
kitchen. We SEE her wipe her hands on an apron and turn to
answer a telephone. It seems so easy.
McCLANE
Think...
52 INT. 32ND FLOOR (HOSTAGE FLOOR) - SAME 52
The employees have been herded to the center of the room
where the desks have been pulled back. Many people are
whimpering. Holly looks around the room for McClane; she
sees Ellis. Takagi, stubbornly refusing to cooperate is
pushed toward the group. Hans steps up on top of a desk
and looks over the group.
HANS
(soothing, in control)
Ladies and gentlemen, due to Nakatomi's
legacy of greed in Third World countries,
it is about to be made an example. You,
{ unfortunately, are part of the recompense.

(CONTINUED)

A98
19
Genres: ["Action","Thriller"]

Summary Criminals infiltrate the Nakatomi Corporation building, disabling services and locking down elevators, escalators, and air conditioning systems.
Strengths
  • Intense tone
  • Pacing
  • Character stakes
Weaknesses
  • Lack of character development

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9


Story Content

Concept: 9

Plot: 10

Originality: 0


Character Development

Characters: 8

Character Changes: 6

Internal Goal: 0

External Goal: 0


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 10

Opposition: 0

High Stakes: 10

Story Forward: 9

Unpredictability: 0

Philosophical Conflict: 0


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

Dialogue: 8

Engagement: 0

Pacing: 0


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 0

Structure: 0


Critique Overall, this scene is well-structured and effectively builds tension. The various locations are established clearly and the action flows smoothly between them. The use of alternating close-ups and wider shots helps to maintain a sense of spatial coherence.

However, there are a few minor issues with the writing. The parentheticals describing McClane's actions in scene 48 ("steps back, throws off the safety on his Beretta and braces himself") feel somewhat awkward and unnecessary; this action could be conveyed visually without the need for explicit directions. The use of all-caps in several places (such as "REVEALING" in scene 49) is distracting and unnecessary.

Additionally, some of the dialogue could be improved. The line "Well, call me back, John. You got the number" in scene 43 feels exposition-heavy and unrealistic; it's unlikely that someone would say this in a casual phone conversation. Similarly, Hans' speech in scene 52 feels a bit on-the-nose and overly explanatory; it might be more effective to show, rather than tell, Nakatomi's legacy of greed through other means.

Overall, though, this scene is effective and well-constructed, with only minor flaws in the writing.
Suggestions First, I would suggest adding more dialogue and actions for McClane to make the scene more engaging and tense. Maybe have him mutter to himself as he searches for a working phone, and have him react more strongly to the dead phones. Adding more emphasis on his urgency and desperation to make contact with the outside world would add tension and also allow the audience to connect better with him as a character.

Secondly, the lovemaking couple scene seems out of place and unnecessary. Instead, have Franco and Tony searching for McClane in the other offices and almost finding him. This would add more suspense and danger to the scene.

Finally, Hans' speech could use some improvement. It feels a bit generic and could be rewritten to be more specific to the situation at hand. Perhaps he could mention Nakatomi's role in a recent scandal or disaster, or reveal more about his motivations for the hostage-taking. Adding more depth and specificity to his speech would make him a more compelling villain.



Scene 9 - The Terrorists Make Their Demands
52 CONTINUED: 52
HANS (Cont.)
We are going to collect identification.
This is not a pillage — we do not want
your wallets or money. A driver's
license or ID with a photo will do nicely.
Several of the terrorists begin collecting IDs as people hunt
for ID.
HANS
At present we have no intentions of
hurting anyone. If our demands are
not met, however — expect that to
change.
(beat, smiles)
Your cooperation is appreciated.
f He steps down from the desk and goes into:
/
53 HOLLY'S OFFICE 53
where a terrorist with glasses, FRITZ, has begun to set up
operations. A large CB unit is placed on her desk and a TV
monitor is put on the credenza. While he works, Hans picks
up an 8x10 photo on the credenza.
y 54 CLOSE - THE PHOTO 54
The same one that we saw in McClane's wallet of Holly and
the children.
55 HANS 55
He puts the photo back. Franco (who checked Ellis' office)
brings McClane*s coat, socks and shoes. Hans examines the
clothes and looks at the man who brought them.
HANS
Is this all?
FRANCO
(nods)
Do you want us to search for him?
HANS
No. He can't signal for help and
he cannot get out.
Hans feels the fabric of McClane's topcoat as Franco leaves
and Takagi is brought to the office. Hans smiles.
jt0>&\


(CONTINUED)



A98
20

55 CONTINUED: 55
f*y HANS
(pleasantly)
Mr, Takagi, my name is Hans Gruber.
Would you come with me, please?
56 INT. STAIRWELL - 38TH FLOOR - SAME 56
McClane pauses outside the stairwell door to the 38th floor,
he presses the handle and cracks the door open TO REVEAL a
computer floor. The-computer machinery drones on under the
lights behind plate glass windows. McClane quietly closes
the door and makes a note on a piece of paper.
57 CLOSE - THE PAPER 57
It is a listing of the floors and says:
» 32 Hostages
/ 33 ?
34 Open Floor
35 Open Floor
36 Cubicles
37 Cubicles and inside offices (TV
sets in inside office)
38 Computers
f* 58 MCCLANE 58
moves up the stairs to the next landing, the 39th floor, and
tries to open the door. It is locked. He keeps going up.
59 INT. SERVICE ELEVATOR - NIGHT 59
Hans, Takagi, Karl and Tony. Riding silently. Hans alone
seems relaxed. He whistles. We recognize it as
"Whistle While You Work."- He looks at Takagi*s suit.
HANS
Nice suit. John Philips...London?
TAKAGI
(surprised)
How the hell would you know?
HANS
(smiles)
I have two myself...
He continues whistling and enjoys Takagi's surprise.
HANS
f^' You are surprised a 'terrorist' would
know fine tailors?
(CONTINUED)
A98
21
Genres: ["Action","Thriller"]

Summary A group of terrorists infiltrate the Nakatomi Corporation building and demand identification from the hostages in the room. Hans Gruber sets up operations in Holly's office while his henchmen collect ID. John McClane hides in the stairwell and creates a list of floors with notable features. Hans is impressed by Takagi's suit and makes a remark about being familiar with fine tailors.
Strengths "The tension and suspense are effectively built up. Good use of foreshadowing with McClane creating a list of floors. "
Weaknesses "Dialogue could be stronger."

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9


Story Content

Concept: 8

Plot: 9

Originality: 0


Character Development

Characters: 8

Character Changes: 5

Internal Goal: 0

External Goal: 0


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

Opposition: 0

High Stakes: 10

Story Forward: 8

Unpredictability: 0

Philosophical Conflict: 0


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

Dialogue: 7

Engagement: 0

Pacing: 0


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 0

Structure: 0


Critique Overall, this is a well-written scene that effectively sets up the tension and dynamics between the terrorists and hostages. The dialogue is realistic and serves to establish the motives and goals of the terrorists. The introduction of the TV and CB radio also sets the stage for future communication between the hostages and the outside world.

However, there are a few moments that could be improved upon. The line "your cooperation is appreciated" from Hans feels clichéd and could be more specific in terms of what he wants them to do. Additionally, the reference to John Philips London and tailors could be shortened or removed entirely as it does not add much to the scene.

Overall, this scene effectively moves the plot forward and sets up the conflict for the rest of the film.
Suggestions One suggestion to improve this scene would be to add more tension and suspense. Right now, the scene feels a bit flat and lacks the urgency that usually accompanies a hostage situation. Perhaps show more of the hostages' fear and desperation, or add an unexpected twist that raises the stakes for both the terrorists and the hostages.

Another suggestion may be to add more depth to the characters, especially the protagonist John McClane. He is hardly visible in this scene and giving him more backstory or a personal motive for trying to stop the terrorists could make the audience more invested in the story.

Finally, the dialogue could be improved to make it more believable and authentic to the characters' backgrounds and personalities. Right now, some of the lines feel a bit contrived and do not add much to the story or characterization. By giving each character a unique voice and making their dialogue more natural, the scene could become more engaging and compelling.



Scene 10 - Terrorists Takeover the Nakatomi Corporation Building
59 CONTINUED: 59
The answer is obvious. Hans smiles and lowers his voice as
if sharing an inside secret.
HANS
Rumor has it Arafat buys his there.
60 INT. STAIRWELL 60
McClane starts to open the stairwell door to the 40th Floor
when a NOISE above him gets his attention. He moves silently
up.one flight to the roof. Quietly, he cracks the door and
looks out onto a Machine floor on the lower level of the roof.
61 HIS P.O.V. 61
Three terrorists, JAMES, ULI and HEINRICH, unload the wooden
crates we saw in the garage from the service elevator. One
of them looks his way and:
62 MCCLANE 62
closes the door and slips back down the stairs, opening the
door to the next floor. Like the others, it is dark but we
instantly know from the paneling that he has reached an
executive floor. VOICES and a light at the end of the hallway
draw him in that direction.
63 INT. CONFERENCE ROOM - 40TH FLOOR - NIGHT 63
CLOSE ON a scale model of a bridge. Constructed to exacting
detail. Hans admires it. Behind him are photographs of the
gorge where the bridge will be constructed and maps of
Central America. Karl, Tony and a wiry terrorist, MARCO,
listen. Takagi watches.
HANS
It's beautiful. I always enjoyed
models as a boy. The exactness, the
attention to detail. Beautiful...
TAKAGI
(defensively)
Contrary to what you people think,
that bridge and its construction will
open up that entire region to growth.
Hans straightens, looks hard at Takagi.
HANS
I believe you.
Takagi looks confused. Hans puts a friendly arm around
Takagi's shoulders and guides him into the adjacent boardroom
where Theo types in commands onto a built-in computer console.
A98 (CONTINUED)
22

63 CONTINUED: 63
HANS
Mr. Takagi, I'm sure you've realized
that I didn't bring you up here to
look at models or debate your business
ethics.
Theo types at the console.
64 INSERT: SCREEN 64
It says: NAKATOMI INVESTMENT PENSION PLAN and a list of
Serial and CUSIP numbers. In one stroke they are deleted
from the screen. Then the next message comes up: ENTER
ACCESS NUMBER.
65 TAKAGI 65
He stops as Theo turns and faces him. He knows suddenly what
it's all about. Hans smiles at Takagi.
HANS
You can make our lives very easy,
Mr. Takagi.
TAKAGI
I don't know the code.
/$^&N

Hans slowly takes out his Walther and his silencer. He feels
his silencer a moment, as if making a decision, then slips it
back into his coat pocket. Takagi sees the gun.
TAKAGI
(more seriously)
Only three people know it, the CEO,
the Chief financial officer and the
Chairman. I'm not privy to such
information.
Hans presses the gun against Takagi's lapel.
HANS
(calmly)
You wouldn't lie to me, would you?
TAKAGI
(holding Hans' look)
No.
He gulps. Theo looks hard at Karl, who reluctantly meets
his look.
THEO
(to Karl)
I told you he wouldn't know.
(CONTINUED)
A98
23
Genres: ["Action","Thriller"]

Summary A group of terrorists infiltrate the Nakatomi Corporation building, led by Hans Gruber, and demand identification from the hostages in the room. John McClane hides in the stairwell and creates a list of floors with notable features.
Strengths "Tense atmosphere, introduction of main conflict, suspenseful plot developments"
Weaknesses "Some role players are not too well fleshed out"

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9


Story Content

Concept: 8

Plot: 9

Originality: 0


Character Development

Characters: 8

Character Changes: 7

Internal Goal: 0

External Goal: 0


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 10

Opposition: 0

High Stakes: 10

Story Forward: 9

Unpredictability: 0

Philosophical Conflict: 0


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

Dialogue: 7

Engagement: 0

Pacing: 0


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 0

Structure: 0


Critique Overall, the scene is well-structured and effectively advances the plot. It starts with McClane noticing something suspicious and then cuts to the terrorists executing their plan. The tension is built as McClane sneaks around and overhears the terrorists discussing their objectives. The scene culminates in the revelation that Takagi holds valuable information that the terrorists need, leading to a moment of conflict as Hans presses him for the access code.

However, there are a few areas that could be improved. The dialogue between Hans and Takagi is a bit heavy-handed, with both characters stating their beliefs and intentions clearly and directly. It might be more effective if their conversation had more subtext and nuance, with each character trying to read the other and conceal their true intentions.

Additionally, the moment when Hans takes out his silencer and then decides not to use it feels a bit contrived and unnecessary. It doesn't seem to serve a clear purpose in the scene, and it interrupts the flow of the conversation between Hans and Takagi.

Overall, though, this scene effectively moves the story forward and maintains the tension and suspense that has been established in the previous scenes.
Suggestions As a screenwriting expert, here are some suggestions to improve this scene:

1. Create more tension: While the scene builds tension as McClane discovers the terrorists on the roof, the tension could be heightened by introducing a ticking clock or more urgency to the scene. This could increase the stakes and make the scene more exciting.

2. Develop the characters: Although we learn the names of the terrorists, we don't know enough about them to care about their motivations or intentions. By giving them more backstory or personality traits, they could become more memorable and add depth to the plot.

3. Clarify the conflict: While it's clear that Hans and his team want access to the Nakatomi financial information, it's not entirely clear why they need it or what they plan to do with it. By clarifying their motivation and goals, the conflict of the scene could become more compelling.

4. Use more visual language: While the dialogue in the scene is clear and concise, more visual language could be used to set the scene and create a better sense of location. By describing the environment in more detail, the reader can better visualize the action and setting.



Scene 11 - Infiltration and Murder
65 CONTINUED: 65
Karl gives Theo five dollars — a private bet. Takagi takes
heart, but Hans doesn't put up his gun.
TAKAGI
I told you the truth.
HANS
And I believe you, Mr. Takagi...Now,
believe me. We didn't need the code...
and I'm going to kill you anyway.
He cocks the gun then hesitates, moves the barrel upward off
his suit.
HANS
Too nice a suit to ruin...
I He moves the barrel up Takagi*s neck, seemingly searching for
/ just the right spot. He pauses below Takagi's jaw, next to
his jugular and snuggles the barrel gently into the niche.
.Takagi looks around .the room. The others watch stoically.
Hans moves the barrel from the jugular to a point directly
over Takagi's adam's apple and finally seems satisfied. The
Exec locks eyes with Hans.
TAKAGI
I'm not scared of you.
HANS
I know...but you probably should be.
66 HALLWAY - ON MCCLANE - SAME 66
He presses his eye to the crack in the door just in time to
see Hans pull the trigger. In the tiny room it sounds like
Hiroshima. The blast knocks Takagi backwards onto his butt,
a gaping hole in his throat. He remains seated upright for
an instant, stunned, before Hans steps up and puts another
bullet in his chest.
67 CLOSE ON MCCLANE 67
He is stunned and moves back from the door holding his breath.
His gun bumps against the paneling.
68 ON HANS - TAKAGI'S OFFICE 68
He looks up at the sound.
HANS
What's that?
(CONTINUED)

A98
24

68 CONTINUED: 68
{ Marco turns to the door to the hallway where McClane was and
throws open the door. The long, darkened hallway is deserted.
He steps into the:
69 HALLWAY 69
and stops in front of the only door near the conference room
— a Supply Closet — and tries the door — it is locked.
MARCO
(to Hans)
Nothing.
70 CONFERENCE ROOM 70
Karl stares at the body of Takagi then looks up at Hans as
i Marco returns to the room.
' HANS
(to Karl)
Go supervise the work on the roof.
71 INT. SUPPLY CLOSET 71
In the darkness of the closet we MAKE OUT McClane, pressed
against the wall. He listens to the footsteps moving away
and lets out a breath.
MCCLANE
(whispers)
Jesus, Williams, what're you doing
down there?
CUT TO:
72 INT. LIMO - PARKING GARAGE 72
William is on the car phone. The music is playing.
WILLIAM
I'm working, honey. Working hard.
•Course I'll be by later to pick you
up, have I ever lied to you? My boss?
He thinks I'm cruising down to San Diego...
73 SAFE ROOM - 39TH FLOOR 73
Hans and Theo enter the safe room. The huge corporate safe
looms in front of them. Theo places three kit bags onto a
table and rolls up his sleeves.
HANS
How long?
• •' THEO
(eyeing the safe)
Ask me in an hour.
A98
25

74 37TH FLOOR 74
-i$KJ*>\
Genres: ["Action","Thriller"]

Summary Terrorists led by Hans Gruber infiltrate the Nakatomi Corporation building and demand identification from the hostages. John McClane hides in the stairwell and witnesses Gruber execute Takagi.
Strengths "The scene has a high level of tension and effectively builds up to the moment of the execution. It also shows the ruthlessness of the villains."
Weaknesses "The dialogue is not particularly memorable and the characters could be developed more."

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8


Story Content

Concept: 9

Plot: 8

Originality: 0


Character Development

Characters: 7

Character Changes: 5

Internal Goal: 0

External Goal: 0


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

Opposition: 0

High Stakes: 10

Story Forward: 9

Unpredictability: 0

Philosophical Conflict: 0


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

Dialogue: 6

Engagement: 0

Pacing: 0


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 0

Structure: 0


Critique This scene is well-written in terms of building tension and suspense, but there are a few areas for improvement.

Firstly, the action description is lacking in detail and could benefit from more visualization. For example, instead of just saying "He cocks the gun then hesitates," the writer could describe the physical action of Hans cocking the gun and show his hesitation through facial expressions or body language.

Secondly, the dialogue feels a bit on-the-nose and could be more subtle. For example, when Takagi says "I'm not scared of you," it feels like a direct challenge to Hans and gives away too much of Takagi's mindset. It would be more effective if his words were more guarded, but his body language conveyed defiance.

Overall, this scene effectively builds tension and creates a sense of danger for the characters. With some tweaks to the action description and dialogue, it could be even stronger.
Suggestions One suggestion would be to add more tension and build up to the moment when Hans pulls the trigger. This could be achieved through building up the conflict between Hans and Takagi, possibly with more dialogue or physical tension. Additionally, adding more description to the scene could enhance the visual impact, such as describing the room or the expressions of the characters. Another suggestion would be to make the actions of McClane more clear and impactful, perhaps through adding more detail to his reactions or describing his thoughts. Finally, the dialogue could be refined to make it more natural and engaging for the audience.



Scene 12 - McClane Evades Terrorists on the 37th Floor
McClane moves out onto the 37th floor, angry at himself.
MCCLANE
Why the fuck didn't you stop him?
(beat)
Because, you ignorant sonofabitch,
you'd be dead, too. Think...think,
goddamnit!
Suddenly he looks up at the ceiling and sees a sprinkler head.
His look drops to the wall and focuses on a small red fire
alarm switch by the door.
75 INT. MAIN FLOOR - L.A. FIRE STATION - NIGHT 75
An alarm sounds. Quickly firemen move to their machines as
a voice of a 911 Dispatcher drones.
911 DISPATCHER
Main Wilshire units. Two alarm fire
at Nakatomi —
The voice continues as the station doors open and we:
CUT TO:
76 INT. NAKATOMI - GROUND FLOOR OPERATIONS ROOM - SAME 76
A fire alarm indicator light showing which floor has sounded
the fire alarm — suddenly begins flashing, emitting short,
loud beeps. Heinz, the terrorist in the guard's uniform and
manning the station, immediately picks up his CB.
77 37TH FLOOR - SAME 77
McClane stands at windows looking Northward for fire trucks.
Suddenly we SEE the flashing red lights of two trucks in
traffic two miles away.
MCCLANE
C'mon, baby...c'mon.
78 INT. SERVICE ELEVATOR - ON HANS - SAME 78
He rides the elevator back to 32nd floor with Tony.
HANS
(calmly, to Heinz on CB)
Use the portable phone. Call 911,
give them your badge number and cancel
/"**> the alarm...then disable the system.
He ponders the problem of McClane, looks across at Tony, and
presses the talk button again.
(CONTINUED)
A98
26

78 CONTINUED: 78
HANS
Heinz? What floor did the alarm go off?
79 37TH FLOOR - SAME 79
McClane stands silhouetted against the window. In the distance
he can see another fire truck swing off Santa Monica onto
Avenue of the Stars.
Suddenly the red light on the first truck goes out, then on
the second. McClane watches in disbelief. The trucks slow
and turn down separate side streets, heading for home.
MCCLANE
(realizing)
No...
Just then the elevator bell rings and we HEAR the ELEVATOR
DOORS OPEN. A figure (Tony) slips into the shadows — his
machine gun drawn. We MOVE WITH HIM from the elevator area
until he reaches the light switch and throws it illuminating
the entire floor. McClane is gone.
TONY
(calling out)
Okay, you! I know you're here. I
don't want to hurt you.
80 ON MCCLANE 80
under a desk. He takes in his options.
81 HIS P.O.V. 81
the feet of Tony. They move slowly in his direction. McClane
looks down the aisle next to the windows. It leads to a series
of office cubicles at the other end of the floor and is a clear
path if he can make it past Tony.
82 TONY 82
He moves steadily toward the area where we saw McClane.
TONY
Your signal was cancelled. No one is
coming to help you. So come out and
join the others.
He fingers the trigger of his machine gun.
TONY
I promise I won't hurt you.
(CONTINUED)

A98
27

82 CONTINUED: 82
C* Moving more confidently, he steps up to McClane's desk, then
around it and fires a blast into the space. It is empty. As
the SOUND OF THE MACHINE GUN FADES he listens and hears another
SOUND — a low HUMMING NOISE coming from the other end of the
room near the cubicles.
Tony heads toward the noise. Sensing a trap, he moves past
each cubicle carefully, checking each office until he reaches
the doorway of the last one. The sound is just around the
partition. He tenses, then spins into the cubicle.
83 TONY'S P.O.V. 83
an electric typewriter left on.
84 TONY 84
i
Genres: ["Action","Thriller"]

Summary John McClane evades terrorists on the 37th floor as they attempt to hunt him down, while he attempts to call for help and find a way to escape.
Strengths "Intense action and suspense, strong character development for McClane"
Weaknesses "Lack of strong dialogue moments, some parts may feel cliche"

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9


Story Content

Concept: 8

Plot: 9

Originality: 0


Character Development

Characters: 9

Character Changes: 7

Internal Goal: 0

External Goal: 0


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 10

Opposition: 0

High Stakes: 10

Story Forward: 9

Unpredictability: 0

Philosophical Conflict: 0


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

Dialogue: 7

Engagement: 0

Pacing: 0


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 0

Structure: 0


Critique Overall, the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, and showcases McClane's resourcefulness under pressure. The dialogue feels natural and helps to develop McClane's character, particularly his frustration and determination. The use of visual cues, such as the sprinkler and fire alarm switch, effectively lead to the introduction of the fire department and create a sense of urgency.

However, there are some areas where the scene could be improved. Some of the action is described in a way that feels overly detailed and could potentially slow down the pace. For example, the description of Tony checking each cubicle and the typewriter in his POV could be trimmed down. Additionally, the stage direction in all caps ("SOUND OF MACHINE GUN FADES") can feel distracting and could be revised for clarity.

Overall, with some tweaks, this scene could be a strong addition to a larger screenplay.
Suggestions One suggestion to improve the scene would be to create more tension and suspense as McClane and Tony play cat-and-mouse. This could be achieved by adding more description of the characters' movements and inner thoughts. Additionally, adding more sensory details such as sound and smell could heighten the atmosphere and make it more immersive for the audience. Another suggestion would be to add more dialogue between McClane and Tony to give more context to their motivations and provide a deeper exploration of their characters. Finally, adding more visual cues and clues to hint at what McClane might do next could make the audience more engaged and invested in the outcome of the scene.



Scene 13 - Confrontation in the Stairwell
i grins at his nervousness. He turns it off as McClane steps
INTO FRAME behind him, his gun aimed at Tony.
MCCLANE
Save that energy.
Tony slowly turns around and sees McClane*s detective badge
pinned to his shirt.
MCCLANE
Put down your gun.
Tony doesn't. McClane cocks his Beretta. Tony watches him
calmly.
TONY
You won't do it.
MCCLANE
Why not?
TONY
Because you are a policeman.
MCCLANE
Try me.
Tony spins to the side and McClane fires, hitting him in the
arm, but the big man's momentum slams McClane into a filing
cabinet and sends his pistol into the hall. Tony reaches for
his machine gun, but McClane kicks him into the desk. He locks
his arms around the big man's neck in a hold that sends Tony
reeling into the hall. McClane holds on as they slam into the
glass door of a fire hose cabinet shattering the glass. They
careen across the hall into the stairwell door, opening it,
and crash into:



A98
28
85 STAIRWELL LANDING 85
then down the concrete steps into the wall on the landing below.
For a moment, both men lie still, then McClane moves and we SEE
the concrete becomes wet under the'big man as Tony's bladder
opens. McClane, still holding onto Tony's neck, releases it
and the man's head flops sickeningly to the side.
For a moment McClane just looks at the dead man, stunned, then
a HISSING SOUND coming from Tony's kit bag gets his attention.
He opens it and finds the terrorist's CB.
TIME CUT TO:
86 INT. 34TH FLOOR ELEVATOR CAR - NIGHT 86
Tony's body sits slumped in a secretary's chair — a note
attached to his chest. McClane sits on the floor in front of
him hurriedly lacing up the dead terrorist's boots on his own
; feet. He ties the last lace and tries to take a couple of
i steps. He nearly falls flat. Quickly he starts taking the
boots off.
MCCLANE
A zillion terrorists in the building
and I kill the one with feet smaller
than my sister.
He yanks off the boots and tosses them on Tony's lap, then
pushes buttons for the 33rd and 32nd floors. He slings Tony's
kit bag over his shoulder along with the dead man's machine gun.
A wooden desk ruler protrudes from McClane's back pocket.
The elevator doors close and the car starts down. After it's
dropped only half a floor, McClane forces the doors open with
his fingers — stopping the car between floors.
Using the ruler he blocks open the inside doors, then opens
the outside doors of the floor above (34th) with his fingers
and pulls himself up onto the carpeted floor, then up onto the
roof of the car. Once on the roof of the car he reaches over
the edge and removes the ruler, closing the inside doors and
setting the car in motion again.
87 32ND FLOOR (HOSTAGE FLOOR) - NIGHT 87
The elevator bell rings and Fritz, guarding the area, sees
Tony's body in the chair. Hans comes to the elevator with
Franco, lifts Tony's chin and sees that his neck has been
snapped. He removes the note and reads it aloud.
HANS
'Now I have a machine gun.'
/tfnl£*\

FRITZ
Maybe a security guard we overlooked.
(CONTINUED)
A98
29
Genres: ["Action","Thriller"]

Summary McClane confronts and kills one of Hans' henchmen in a stairwell, and discovers a CB radio in the dead man's bag.
Strengths
  • Intense action sequence
  • Reveals important information about the terrorists' plans
Weaknesses
  • Dialogue is relatively minimal

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8


Story Content

Concept: 9

Plot: 8

Originality: 0


Character Development

Characters: 7

Character Changes: 4

Internal Goal: 0

External Goal: 0


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

Opposition: 0

High Stakes: 9

Story Forward: 8

Unpredictability: 0

Philosophical Conflict: 0


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

Dialogue: 6

Engagement: 0

Pacing: 0


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 0

Structure: 0


Critique This scene is well-written and engaging. The tension between McClane and Tony is palpable, and the action is exciting. However, one issue is with the dialogue between McClane and Tony. Tony's dialogue is a bit too on-the-nose, telling McClane outright that he won't shoot him because he is a policeman. This takes away from the subtle power dynamic that could have been established between the two characters. Additionally, the use of Tony urinating after his death seems unnecessary and gratuitous. Overall, the scene is well-crafted, but a few tweaks to the dialogue and action could make it even stronger.
Suggestions As a screenwriting AI language model, I don't have personal preferences or opinions, but I can suggest some improvements to the scene:

1. Tone and pacing: The scene feels rushed and lacks tension. Consider adding more dialogue and action beats that build suspense and increase the stakes for McClane.

2. Characterization: Add more depth to the characters of McClane and Tony. We don't know enough about their motivations or personalities to care about their confrontation. Perhaps add some backstory or conflict between the two.

3. Visual description: The scene is heavy on dialogue and light on visual description. Add more specific details about the setting and the characters' movements to help the reader visualize the action.

4. Editing: Consider trimming some of the extraneous beats, like McClane lacing up Tony's boots. These add little to the story and can slow down the pacing. Focus on the essential beats that advance the plot and deepen the character relationships.

5. Tone and theme: Consider adding some humor or irony to the scene. The note on Tony's chest (and McClane's comment about his sister's feet) is a good start, but you could push the sarcasm or satire further to highlight the theme of the film.



Scene 14 - The Aftermath of Violence
87 CONTINUED: 87
Hans lifts Tony's chin again, lets the head flop over.
HANS
Would you do this to someone if you
had a gun?
FRITZ
(slightly spooked)
We have to do something, Hans.
Hans sighs and looks at the dead man.
HANS
Yes...we have to tell Karl his brother
is dead. Tell him to come down.
As Fritz calls Karl on his CB, Hans looks at Franco.
HANS
Franco, take the body upstairs out of
sight. I want these people kept calm
for as long as possible. Come back down
the stairs and check each floor...I want
to see the person who did this.
88 INT. ELEVATOR SHAFT - CAR ROOF - ON MCCLANE - SAME 88
On top of the car, listening to the conversation below. Franco
and Fritz step into the car and the doors on the elevator close.
The car accelerates upward and McClane grabs onto the heavy,
grease-coated cables to keep his balance. Already his clothes
are soiled; his face and feet, arms and hair are dark from the
dirt and sweat.
The car speeds up the shaft — passing the car bringing Karl
down to the hostage floor — and stops at the 40th floor. The
doors open and McClane hears them roll the chair with the body
off the car. McClane looks up.
89 MCCLANE'S P.O.V. 89
A metal catwalk runs around the inside of the elevator shaft.
90 MCCLANE 90
pulls himself up onto it. As he moves along the catwalk
looking for a way out, he passes an unmarked metal door, 2'x3'.
McClane pushes it open and looks in.
91 MCCLANE'S P.O.V. 91
Total darkness.



A98
30
92 MCCLANE 92
z**^ takes out a rifle cartridge from Tony's kit bag and lobs it
1
into the void. It is a full four seconds until we hear its
nonexplosive chatter on the ground below. You don't have to
be a mathematics whiz to know it's a long drop.
MCCLANE
Jesus...
He moves cautiously around a corner and we SEE a metal ladder
leading up to a door marked PUMP ROOM. Opening the door
McClane enters a darkened:
93 PUMP ROOM 93
damp and full of pipes and goes to another door. He cracks the
door and looks out.
94 MCCLANE*S P.O.V. 94
The lower level of the roof. Open and deserted. Only a
heliport above him is higher.
95 32ND FLOOR (HOSTAGE FLOOR) - HOLLY'S OFFICE - SAME 95
CLOSE ON A PAIR OF LARGE HANDS as they squeeze into fists so
^ tight it drains all color from the fingers. Controlled rage.
( We PULL BACK TO REVEAL the hands belong to Karl, who stands
in Hans' office.
KARL
Now.
HANS
(firmly)
No. Theo has not finished. He must
be done before the police arrive.
96 EXT. ROOF - NIGHT 96
McClane climbs to the heliport and leans against the leeward side
of a wall surrounding it. Shielded from wind, he pulls out the
CB, turns to channel nine, and starts broadcasting.
MCCLANE
Mayday, Mayday, tell police terrorists
have seized the Nakatomi building —
97 INT. OFFICE - KCBS-TV - SAME 97
DICK THORNBURG, local TV news reporter, talking on the phone to
his girlfriend also hears the distress call. He stops listening
/i»«»\ to her for a moment and turns up his scanner.
MCCLANE'S VOICE
— I repeat...unknown number of foreign
nationals armed with automatic weapons
A98 (CONTINUED)
31
Genres: ["Action","Thriller"]

Summary Hans orders his henchmen to dispose of Takagi's body and keep hostages calm. McClane overhears this and hides in an elevator shaft to avoid being captured. McClane finds a way out and broadcasts a distress call from the rooftop
Strengths "The scene is tense and suspenseful, with high stakes and a clear sense of danger. McClane's resourcefulness and determination are on display as he tries to find a way out and call for help."
Weaknesses "The dialogue is minimal, with most of the scene relying on actions and visuals. Some of the character motivations are unclear, especially Hans' decision to wait for Theo to finish his hacking before leaving with the hostages."

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8


Story Content

Concept: 9

Plot: 8

Originality: 0


Character Development

Characters: 7

Character Changes: 3

Internal Goal: 0

External Goal: 0


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

Opposition: 0

High Stakes: 10