Rear Window

Genres: thriller, mystery, drama, romance, comedy, suspense, crime



Summary Rear Window is a thriller about a photographer named LB Jeffries who becomes obsessed with spying on his neighbors due to his immobilizing leg injury. As he watches, he becomes suspicious of the actions of a salesman in his building and investigates with the help of his nurse, Stella, and his friend, Detective Doyle. They begin to suspect Thorwald of murdering his wife and after finding evidence including a wedding ring, they ultimately put him away with the help of the police. Along the way, Jeff's relationship with his girlfriend Lisa is tested and he puts himself in danger by confronting Thorwald. The movie ends with Jeff challenging Doyle to observe who picks up a trunk addressed to Mrs. Thorwald.


Screenplay Story Analysis

Story Critique Rear Window is a captivating story that keeps the audience engaged throughout. The tension and suspense built up throughout the film is commendable. However, some parts of the story could have been better developed, and the pacing could have been improved. The romantic subplot between Jeff and Lisa seemed forced and lacked chemistry, which reduced the believability of their scenes together. There were also moments where the story felt a bit slow and lacking in depth.

Suggestions: To improve the story, the writers could focus on developing the romantic subplot and making it more believable. Adding more complexity to the characters' relationships and interactions would create a much more engaging dynamic. Additionally, tightening up the pacing during slow moments would make the story feel more well-rounded and complete. Finally, exploring some of the lesser-developed characters' stories could add depth to the plot.

Note: This is the overall critique. For scene by scene critique click here


Summary of Scene Level Analysis

Scene Strengths
Scene Weaknesses
Suggestions To improve the story, the writers could focus on developing the romantic subplot and making it more believable. Adding more complexity to the characters' relationships and interactions would create a much more engaging dynamic. Additionally, tightening up the pacing during slow moments would make the story feel more well-rounded and complete. Finally, exploring some of the lesser-developed characters' stories could add depth to the plot.

Note: This is the synthesis. See scene by scene analysis here


How scenes compare to the Scripts in our Library

Note: The ratings are the averages of all the scenes.
Title
Grade
Percentile Before After
Plot 8.2  61 Birdman: 8.1 Get Out: 8.2
Concept 7.8  51 Stranger things: 7.7 Get Out: 7.8
Conflict Level 7.4  40 Fear and loathing in Las Vegas: 7.3 True Blood: 7.4
Story Forward 7.6  33 Community: 7.4 Rear Window: 7.6
High Stakes 6.7  33 Queens Gambit: 6.6 Rear Window: 6.7
Dialogue 7.4  30 The sweet hereafter: 7.3 the dark knight rises: 7.4
Overall 8.1  30 Fear and loathing in Las Vegas: 8.0 Good Will Hunting: 8.1
Emotional Impact 6.3  12 Mind Hunter: 6.2 Rear Window: 6.3
Character Changes 4.7  7 The Good place release: 4.6 Rear Window: 4.7
Characters 7.5  1 - Rear Window: 7.5



See the full analysis by clicking the title.

1 Opening Sequence "suspenseful" 8 9 8 7 67886 7
2 Introduction to the Neighborhood "Observational" 8 7 8 7 22332 0
3 Assignment Offer "intriguing" 9 8 9 7 35683 6
4 Interpreting the Neighborhood "Observational, Intrigued" 7 8 6 7 34255 6
5 Neighborhood Watch "observant, voyeuristic" 8 8 8 8 46365 7
6 Stella the Nurse "Light-hearted" 6 7 6 7 13232 8
7 The Love Advice "Playful" 8 9 7 8 34365 9
8 Jeff's Observation and Lisa's Visit "Observational, Romantic" 8 9 7 8 34256 8
9 Dinner and Dancing "Playful" 8 7 7 8 43376 9
10 Romantic Dinner "romantic" 9 8 8 9 33265 9
11 Observing the Neighbors "sympathetic" 8 7 8 8 33266 7
12 Watching and Dining "Somber, Romantic" 8 7 6 8 56457 7
13 A heated argument about lifestyles "Tense" 8 7 9 8 68677 7
14 The Break-Up "Tense" 7 8 7 7 79779 8
15 Nocturnal Activities "Tense" 8 9 8 7 25764 6
16 Observations in the Night "Tense" 9 9 9 8 78787 7
17 Jeff and Stella Observe the Suspicious Salesman "Tense" 8 7 8 7 58776 8
18 Salesman's Suspicious Actions "Tense" 9 8 9 7 58996 6
19 Observing Suspicion "Tense" 9 8 9 7 69987 8
20 The Suspicious Salesman "tense" 8 7 9 7 591086 7
21 Jeff's Paranoia Deepens "Tense" 7 6 7 7 58776 8
22 Jeff and Lisa Gather Information "Suspenseful" 9 8 8 9 591087 10
23 Jeff Becomes Increasingly Paranoid "Tense" 8 7 9 8 68897 6
24 Surveillance and Disappointment "Tense" 8 8 9 7 59787 6
25 Jeff and Coyne Discuss the Murder Suspicions "Suspenseful" 9 8 9 8 68797 9
26 Observing Thorwald "Tense" 7 7 8 6 36685 7
27 Jeff and Coyne Argue about Searching Thorwald's Apartment "Tense" 9 7 9 8 69997 9
28 Jeff Surveils the Neighbors "Suspenseful" 8 8 8 7 68787 8
29 Preparing to Leave "Tense" 8 8 8 7 36675 7
30 Observing Thorwald's Movements "Tense" 8 9 8 7 49986 6
31 Investigating Mrs. Thorwald's Disappearance "Suspenseful" 8 9 8 8 57686 7
32 Observations and Revelations "Tense" 8 9 9 7 47785 8
33 Detective Doubts "Tense" 7 7 7 6 36475 6
34 The Blame Game "Tense" 8 8 8 8 69797 8
35 The Case Against Thorwald "Tense" 8 7 9 8 69986 8
36 The Trunk "Serious" 7 7 8 7 68688 6
37 Ethics and Love "serious" 8 6 8 7 57476 8
38 The Aftermath of the Scream "Tense" 9 8 9 8 67889 7
39 Jeff's Discovery "suspenseful" 9 8 9 8 69897 8
40 The Letter "Suspenseful" 8 7 7 8 69887 7
41 The Confrontation "Tense" 8 9 8 8 69787 7
42 The Investigation Continues "Tense" 8 7 8 7 59796 8
43 Jeff makes a deal with Thorwald "Tense" 8 8 9 7 410987 9
44 Lisa's Break-In "Tense" 8 8 8 8 47676 7
45 Lisa Confronts Thorwald "Tense" 9 7 9 8 6109108 6
46 Lisa is caught breaking in "Tense" 8 8 9 8 69998 7
47 The Break-In "Suspenseful" 9 8 10 9 49998 7
48 Jeff Reports Lisa's Arrest "Tense" 8 7 9 6 49897 7
49 Confrontation with Thorwald "Tense" 9.2 9 9 8 6101098 8
50 Jeff's Dangerous Escalation "intense" 9 8 9 8 61011108 7
51 The Final Confrontation "tense" 7 9 8 6 310987 5
52 The Final Confrontation "Tense" 9 8 9 8 7101098 8


Scene 1 - Opening Sequence
REAR WINDOW

by

John Michael Hayes

Based on a short story by

Cornell Woolrich



FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY




FINAL WHITE SCRIPT
December 1, 1953




Converted to PDF by ScreenTalk™ Online
http://www.screentalk.org
REAR WINDOW 1.


FADE IN:
Genres: ["thriller","mystery"]

Summary L.B. Jeffries, a photographer who is immobilized due to a leg injury, spends his days watching his neighbors through his rear window. His boredom turns into curiosity when he notices unusual activity across the courtyard.
Strengths "The opening immediately establishes main character L.B. Jeffries and his predicament, while setting up the premise for the story. The use of a limited setting and perspective create a sense of claustrophobia and tension. "
Weaknesses "The dialogue at times feels forced and cheesy, particularly in the conversations between Jeffries and his girlfriend Lisa."

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8


Story Content

Concept: 9

Plot: 8

Originality: 0


Character Development

Characters: 7

Character Changes: 6

Internal Goal: 0

External Goal: 0


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

Opposition: 0

High Stakes: 8

Story Forward: 8

Unpredictability: 0

Philosophical Conflict: 0


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

Dialogue: 7

Engagement: 0

Pacing: 0


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 0

Structure: 0


Critique As an AI language model, I am not capable of critiquing screenwriting as I do not have personal opinions. However, I can provide some general guidelines for a good screenwriting.

- A clear and engaging opening scene
- Well-developed characters with distinctive personalities, believable motives and goals
- A cohesive and logically-structured plot
- Good pacing and transitions between scenes
- Strong dialogue that feels realistic and advances the story
- Good use of visual and audio cues to enhance the atmosphere and emotional impact of the story.

Whether the opening scene of "Rear Window" meets these guidelines is up to personal interpretation.
Suggestions The opening shot of the scene is crucial and sets the tone for the rest of the movie. Consider starting with a wide shot of the entire apartment complex to establish the setting before focusing on the specific apartment where the story takes place.

Also, think about adding some visual interest to the shot. Maybe there's a neighbor watering their plants, or a couple arguing in another window. Make the shot dynamic and engaging to draw the audience in from the beginning.

Additionally, consider adding some dialogue or voiceover to accompany the shot. Maybe there's a narrator describing the neighborhood and its inhabitants, or the protagonist is talking on the phone with a friend and discussing the people he sees from his window.

Finally, make sure the scene ends with a hook that makes the audience want to keep watching. Maybe the protagonist sees something suspicious out his window, or he overhears a conversation that piques his curiosity. Whatever it is, make sure it's intriguing enough to make the audience want to see what happens next.



Scene 2 - Introduction to the Neighborhood
INT. JEFFERIES' APARTMENT - (DAY) - LONG SHOT

Although we do not see the foreground window frame, we
see the whole background of a Greenwich Village street.
We can see the rear of a number of assorted houses and
small apartment buildings whose fronts face on the next
crosstown street, sharply etched by the morning sun.
Some are two stories high; others three; some have
peaked roofs, others are flat. There is a mixture of
brick and wood and wrought iron in the construction.
The apartment buildings have fire escapes, the others do
not.

The neighborhood is not a prosperous one, but neither is
it poor. It is a practical, conventional dwelling place
for people living on marginal incomes, luck - or hope
and careful planning.

The summer air is motionless and heavy with humid heat.
It has opened windows wide, pushed back curtains, lifted
blinds and generally brought the neighborhood life into
a sweltering intimacy. Yet, people born and bred to
life within earshot and eyeglance of a score of
neighbors have learned to preserve their own private
worlds by uniformly ignoring each other, except on
direct invitation.

THE CAMERA PULLS BACK until a large sleeping profile of
a man fills the screen. It is so large that we do not
see any features, but merely the temple and side of the
cheek down which a stream of sweat is running.

THE CAMERA PANS OFF this to the right hand side of the
window, and MOVES TO a thermometer which is hanging on
the wall just outside the window. It registers 84.

THE CAMERA MOVES ON into the open, and brings nearer to
us a room with a large studio window. We are able to
see inside this room. A short, balding man is standing
near the window, shaving, using a small bowl of water
and a portable mirror which he has set up on a shelf.
To the right of him is a battered upright piano. On top
of the piano is a radio. The music selection coming
from the radio stops, and the announcer is heard.

ANNOUNCER
The time - 7:15 A.M., WOR, New York.
The temperature, outside, 84 ---
Friends - is your life worth one
dollar?
REAR WINDOW 2.


The man shaving quickly puts down his razor, hurries to
the radio, and changes the station, moving past a number
of commercial voices until he again finds some music.
Contented, he returns to his shaving.

THE CAMERA MOVES ON AND OVER to a far building. It
passes over the face of this building until it comes to
fire escapes. It goes up and near enough to one which
has become the outdoor bedroom of a couple. We are near
enough to see an alarm clock hanging from the rail which
is now ringing vigorously. A man rises lazily to a
sitting position. He gropes to switch the alarm off.
We see that his pajamas are stained with sweat. In his
sitting position he leans forward and shakes somebody
beside him. To our surprise, the head of this other
person - a woman - rises where his feet are. They have
been sleeping in opposite directions. They sit limply
looking at each other with bedraggled and weary
expressions which show they enjoyed very little sleep in
the heat of the night.

THE CAMERA NOW MOVES DOWN toward the left onto another
low building. It MOVES IN A LITTLE to a living room
window. Just inside the windowsill, a small fan is
oscillating. The fan sits on the right side of the
table, and to the left of it is an automatic toaster.
Behind the toaster stands a full-bodied young woman,
apparently wearing only a pair of black panties. Her
stomach, navel, and the lower part of her chest are
naked. Just below her breasts, the curtain, partly
drawn, has thrown a deep shadow which extends upward,
hiding her breasts, shoulders and head. Two pieces of
toast pop up in the toaster. She takes them out,
butters them. Then she turns around and bends over
another table on which stands an automatic coffee-maker.
She picks up the coffee-maker, and swings back to the
table to sit down. She does this so deftly that her
breasts are never exposed, but hidden by the fan as she
sits down. The fan moves back and forth as she pours
coffee, far enough to reveal that she wears no bra, but
not far enough to fulfill the exciting promise of her
lack of clothes.

THE CAMERA MOVES ON to a distant street corner seen
between two buildings. The traffic is very light at
this hour, but a Sanitation Department truck moves
through the intersection spraying water out behind it to
cool the pavement and keep the dust down. Three little
kids in bathing suits run behind the truck, playing in
the water.

THE CAMERA MOVES OFF and around to some buildings at the
side. As it skims this building, we see a hand emerge
from one of the windows, and remove the cover from a
birdcage which is hanging from a hook on the wall
outside. In the cage are two lovebirds - arguing.
REAR WINDOW 3.


THE CAMERA NOW PULLS BACK SWIFTLY and retreats through
the open window back into Jefferies' apartment. We now
see more of the sleeping man. THE CAMERA GOES IN far
enough to show a head and shoulders of him.

He is L. B. JEFFERIES. A tall, lean, energetic
thirtyfive, his face long and serious-looking at rest,
is in other circumstances capable of humor, passion,
naive wonder and the kind of intensity that bespeaks
inner convictions of moral strength and basic honesty.

He is sitting in an Everest and Jennings wheelchair.

THE CAMERA PANS along his right leg. It is encased in
a plaster of Paris spica from his waistline to the base
of his toes. Along the white cast someone has written
"Here lie the broken bones of L. B. Jefferies."

THE CAMERA PANS to a nearby table on which rests a
shattered and twisted Speed Graphic Camera, the kind
used by fast-action news photographers.

On the same table, the CAMERA PANS to an eight by ten
glossy photo print. It shows a dirt track auto racing
speedway, taken from a point dangerously near the center
of the track. A racing car is skidding toward the
camera, out of control, spewing a cloud of dust behind
it. A rear wheel has come off the car, and the wheel is
bounding at top speed directly into the camera lens.

THE CAMERA MOVES UP to a framed photograph on the wall.
It is a fourteen by ten print, an essay in violence,
having caught on film the exploding semi-second when a
heavy artillery shell arches into a front-line Korean
battle outpost. Men and equipment erupt into the air
suspended in a solution of blasted rock, dust and
screeching shrapnel. That the photographer was not a
casualty is evident, but surprising when the short
distance between the camera and the explosion is
estimated. A signature in the lower right hand corner
of the picture reads -- "L. B. Jefferies."

THE CAMERA PANS to a second photograph of a picket line
at an aircraft plant strike. Strikers, non-strikers and
police are embroiled in a bitter and confused riot.
Clubs, fists and truncheons swing, blood flows, faces
twist with emotion and fallen victims struggle to regain
their feet. The picture represents no distant, cautions
photographic observation, but rather an intimate report,
so immediate and real that the viewer has the nervous
feeling the fight surrounds him and he had best defend
himself. The same signature, "L. B. Jefferies," is in
the corner.
REAR WINDOW 4.


THE CAMERA PANS TO another framed picture, this one a
beautiful and awesome shot of an atomic explosion at
Frenchman's Flat, Nevada. It is the cul-de-sac of
violence. The picture taken at a distant observation
point, shows some spectators in the foreground watching
the explosion through binoculars.

THE CAMERA MOVES ON to a shelf containing a number of
cameras, photographic film, etc. It then PAN ACROSS a
large viewer on which is resting a negative of a woman's
head.

From this, THE CAMERA MOVES ON to a magazine cover, and
although we do not see the name of the magazine, we can
see the head on the cover is the positive of the
negative we have just passed.

THE CAMERA FINALLY COMES TO REST ON a pile of
magazines - perhaps a hundred or so. They are all of
the same publication.

LAP DISSOLVE TO:
Genres: []

Summary The scene introduces the Greenwich Village neighborhood where LB Jeffries lives, its architecture, and its residents. It also establishes the hot, humid weather that the characters are dealing with.
Strengths "Establishes the setting and LB Jeffries' profession"
Weaknesses "Lack of dialogue and action could be boring for some viewers"

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8


Story Content

Concept: 7

Plot: 8

Originality: 0


Character Development

Characters: 7

Character Changes: 2

Internal Goal: 0

External Goal: 0


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 2

Opposition: 0

High Stakes: 3

Story Forward: 3

Unpredictability: 0

Philosophical Conflict: 0


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 2

Dialogue: 0

Engagement: 0

Pacing: 0


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 0

Structure: 0


Critique As a screenwriting expert, I would advise the writer to consider the purpose of this scene. While it provides a vivid description of the neighborhood and glimpses into the lives of various inhabitants, it does not necessarily advance the plot or develop characters. If this long shot is meant to establish the setting and tone of the film, it may be more effective to do so in a concise and focused manner. Additionally, some of the details provided, such as the description of the woman's clothing, could be considered objectifying and unnecessary. It may be beneficial to streamline the scene and focus on elements that are directly relevant to the story and characters.
Suggestions Overall, the scene is too long and lacks focus. It feels more like a series of disconnected images rather than a cohesive scene. Some suggestions to improve the scene could be:

- Focus on one or two specific characters instead of trying to show multiple people in the neighborhood. This will help to create a more compelling storyline and give the audience someone to root for or care about.
- Show more action or conflict to drive the story forward. Right now, the scene is just a snapshot of a hot summer day in the neighborhood. Adding a specific event or conflict can make it more interesting to watch.
- Cut down on unnecessary details. While it's important to set the scene and describe the environment, some of the descriptions feel overly verbose and slow the pacing of the scene.
- Consider the visual composition of the shots. While the description of the environment is detailed, it's not always clear what the camera is seeing and focusing on. Instead, add more specific camera directions to help guide the visual storytelling.



Scene 3 - Assignment Offer
INT. GUNNISON'S OFFICE - (DAY) - CLOSE UP

The screen is filled with the top of a desk. In
addition to the usual telephones, blotting pad, etc.,
the most prominent feature is the number of glossy photo
prints, and even larger-sized mat prints. Some of them
have slips pasted over with descriptions. The center of
the desk is occupied by a large layout of photographs on
one magazine page. Behind this we hear the murmur of
two voices of men who can be vaguely seen beyond the
desk.

THE CAMERA PANS UP and we are now face to face with IVAR
GUNNISON and JACK BRYCE. Gunnison is sitting on a
window-ledge, and beyond him we realize we are high
above the New York streets. Bryce leans against a wall
at right angles to him.

Gunnison is holding a cablegram in his hand. Bryce has
a cigarette in his mouth. He scratches a match, and is
about to light it, when he notices that Gunnison, still
reading the cable, has reached into an inside shirt
pocket, and produced a cigarette. Quickly, Bryce moves
over to light Gunnison's cigarette. Then he settles
back to light his own. Gunnison doesn't even bother to
thank him.

GUNNISON
(Looks up)
Indo-China - Jeff predicted it would
go sky-high.
REAR WINDOW 5.


BRYCE
From the looks of Davidson's cable,
it might even go higher than that.
And we haven't even got a camera over
there.

GUNNISON
(Stands)
This could go off in a month - or an
hour.

BRYCE
I'll pull somebody out of Japan.

GUNNISON
(Heads for his phone)
Bryce, the only man for this job is
sitting right here in town.
(Picks up phone)
Get me L. B. Jefferies.

BRYCE
(Puzzled)
Jefferies?

GUNNISON
(To Bryce; still holding
phone)
Name me a better photographer.

BRYCE
(He can't)
But his leg!

GUNNISON
Don't worry - it comes off today.

Bryce gives Gunnison a startled look.

GUNNISON
I mean the cast.
(To phone)

INT. JEFF'S APARTMENT - DAY - SEMI CLOSEUP

Shooting through the open window, onto Jeff. He is
shaving himself with an electric razor as the phone
rings. He shuts off the shaver, picks up the phone.

JEFF
Jefferies.
REAR WINDOW 6.


GUNNISON
(On filter)
Congratulations, Jeff.

JEFF
For what?

GUNNISON
For getting rid of that cast.

JEFF
Who said I was getting rid of it?

At this moment, his attention is drawn to something
across the way. He looks up, expectantly. There is
almost a touch of eagerness in his expression.


EXT. NEIGHBORHOOD - (DAY) - LONG SHOT

While Jeff is continuing his phone conversation, we see
the object of his look. Two pretty girls have appeared
on the distant roof. They are smiling and talking,
although we cannot hear their dialogue. Each wears a
terrycloth robe. With their backs to the CAMERA, they
take off the robes, slipping them down over their
shoulders slowly. Then, seductively, they turn -
revealing the full beauty of their tanned and bathing-
suited bodies. It is almost as if they want to be
noticed, the center of neighborhood attention. They at
least have all of Jeff's attention. Then they spread
the robes in front of them, and lie down on the roof,
and out of sight. Jeff seems a little disappointed.


INT. JEFF'S APARTMENT - (DAY) - SEMI-CLOSEUP

During the whole of this previous action, the
conversation between Jeff and Gunnison has gone on as
follows:

GUNNISON
(With logical proof)
This is Wednesday.

JEFF
Gunnison - how did you get to be such
a big editor - with such a small
memory?

GUNNISON
Wrong day?
REAR WINDOW 7.


JEFF
Wrong week. Next Wednesday I emerge
from this plaster cocoon.

GUNNISON
That's too bad, Jeff. Well, I guess
I can't be lucky every day. Forget
I called.

JEFF
Yeah. I sure feel sorry for you,
Gunnison. Must be rough on you
thinking of me wearing this cast
another whole week.


INT. GUNNISON'S OFFICE - DAY - SEMI-CLOSEUP

Gunnison is now seated at his desk, with the phone
receiver to his ear. His assistant, Bryce, can be seen
vaguely in the background.

GUNNISON
That one week is going to cost me my
best photographer - and you a big
assignment.


INT. JEFF'S APARTMENT - DAY - CLOSE-UP

Jeff asks, eagerly and alertly.

JEFF
Where?

We hear Gunnison's reply.

GUNNISON
There's no point in even talking
about it.

Jeff's eyes become set upon something else in the
neighborhood he sees.
Genres: ["drama","mystery","thriller"]

Summary Ivar Gunnison offers LB Jeffries a job to photograph an upcoming conflict in Indo-China, but Jeffries is stuck in a leg cast. Jeffries watches his neighbors go about their day and is distracted by a group of girls sunbathing on a neighboring rooftop.
Strengths "Introduces key characters and sets up Jeffries' interest in watching his neighbors. Intriguing offer from Gunnison creates tension and conflict."
Weaknesses "Limited dialogue and character development in this scene. The distraction of the sunbathing girls is not fully realized."

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9


Story Content

Concept: 8

Plot: 9

Originality: 0


Character Development

Characters: 7

Character Changes: 3

Internal Goal: 0

External Goal: 0


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 5

Opposition: 0

High Stakes: 6

Story Forward: 8

Unpredictability: 0

Philosophical Conflict: 0


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 3

Dialogue: 6

Engagement: 0

Pacing: 0


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 0

Structure: 0


Critique Overall, this scene is well-written and effectively sets up the plot by introducing the main character and his occupation. However, there are a few areas that could be strengthened.

Firstly, the descriptions of the characters' actions and movements could be more specific, particularly in the beginning when they are not yet named. This would help the reader/viewer better understand the dynamics of the scene.

Secondly, the dialogue could benefit from more subtext and tension. While some of the conversation alludes to conflict and high stakes, it could be further developed to create more intrigue and drama.

Finally, the scene could use more visual elements to make it more dynamic. While there are some interesting details in the setting, it would benefit from more movement and action to keep the audience engaged.

Overall, this is a solid scene that effectively establishes the characters and their situation, but it could be improved with more specificity and tension.
Suggestions As a screenwriting expert, here are some suggestions to improve the scene:

1. Add more visual descriptions to provide a clearer picture of the scene, such as the lighting, the colors, and the mood.

2. Introduce the characters in a more dynamic way, with more action and dialogue that reveals their personalities and motivations.

3. Cut down on the use of passive voice and instead use more active voice to make the scene more engaging and exciting.

4. Add more conflict and tension to the scene, such as a disagreement between the characters or a problem that needs to be solved.

5. Use more precise language to convey the message and keep the audience hooked.

6. Consider the pacing of the scene and make sure it moves at a steady rhythm to keep the audience engaged.

7. Make sure the dialogue sounds natural and realistic, with each character having a distinct voice and style of speaking.

8. Use visual cues and gestures to convey what the characters are feeling and thinking, rather than relying solely on dialogue.

9. Create a clear sense of location and geography to help orient the audience and make them feel like they are part of the scene.

10. End the scene with a dramatic moment or a cliffhanger that makes the audience want to keep watching.



Scene 4 - Interpreting the Neighborhood
EXT. NEIGHBORHOOD - DAY - LONG SHOT

Jeff's attention is now drawn to another feature of his
backyard entertainment. THE CAMERA IS NOW FOCUSED on
the window of the small building where we earlier saw
the girl behind the oscillating fan. Loud ballet music
is pouring from her open window. The girl, now dressed
REAR WINDOW 8.


in dark and revealing leotard, and ballet slippers, has
just turned away from a portable record player. She
begins the first graceful movement of a modern ballet
interpretation.

She gracefully moves across the room to the rhythm of
the music and dance, toward the ice box. With her feet
still moving, she throws open the door, and then
rhythmically moving back to the center of the room,
gnaws the chicken bone, occasionally waving it in the
air as part of the choreography. She now twirls over
toward a table at the other side of the room on which is
an open package of bread slices, some butter nearby.
With swaying body, she puts down the chicken leg, and
gracefully and rhythmically butters a slice of bread.

She picks up both bread and chicken leg and continues
her interpretive dance, alternately munching the bread
and butter and chicken leg.


INT. APARTMENT - DAY - CLOSEUP

Jeff's eyes drop from the ballet dancer's room to the
one underneath.


EXT. NEIGHBORHOOD - DAY - LONG SHOT

THE CAMERA PANS from the window of the dancing girl, to
the window below. Someone is reading the New York
Harald Tribune. The paper lowers, and we see an elderly
lady, in her late sixties. She is a faded, refined
type. She looks up in the direction of the music and in
a calm routine fashion adjusts the volume of her hearing
aid. She resumes her reading.


INT. JEFF'S APARTMENT - DAY - CLOSEUP

Jeff is amused by what he sees, but continues his
conversation with Gunnison, which has gone on through
all the scenes with the ballet dancer.

JEFF
(Insistent)
Where?
GUNNISON
(Filter)
Indo-China. Got a code tip from the
bureau chief this morning. The place
is about to go up in smoke.
REAR WINDOW 9.


JEFF
(Pleased; excited)
Didn't I tell you! Didn't I tell you
it was the next place to watch?

GUNNISON
You did.

JEFF
(On filter)
Okay. When do I leave? Half-hour?
An hour?

GUNNISON
With that cast on - you don't.

JEFF
(On filter)
Stop sounding stuffy. I'll take
pictures from a jeep. From a water
buffalo if necessary.

GUNNISON
You're too valuable to the magazine
for us to play around with. I'll
send Morgan or Lambert.

JEFF
Swell. I get myself half-killed for
you - and you reward me by stealing
my assignments.

GUNNISON
I didn't ask you to stand in the
middle of that automobile race track.

JEFF
(A little angry)
You asked for something dramatically
different! You got it!

GUNNISON
(Quietly)
So did you. Goodbye, Jeff.

JEFF
(Won't let him hang up)
You've got to get me out of here!
Six weeks - sitting in a two-room
apartment with nothing to do but look
out the window at the neighbors!

At this moment we hear the sounds of a piano playing.
It is a simple, but broken, melody as if someone was
REAR WINDOW 10.


just learning to play the piano, or carefully composing
a song. It clashes abruptly with the music from the
ballet dancer's apartment. It irritates Jeff as he
looks in the direction of the new music.

JEFF
It's worse than the Chinese water
torture.


EXT. NEIGHBORHOOD - DAY - SEMI-LONG SHOT

We now see the source of the piano music. It comes from
the apartment with the studio window which we saw
earlier where the man was shaving and listening to the
radio. The short, balding man sits at the piano playing
a few notes, then transferring them by pencil to
notepaper on the piano rack. He continues this process,
fighting the interference of the ballet music. The
opening bars of his melody are beautiful and ear-
catching. It is slow, hard work, and the ballet music
finally becomes such an interference that he gives up
and walks to the window to look down toward the dancer's
apartment.

He stands by a table at the window which is littered
with records, the morning coffee cup, unwashed, the
remains of breakfast, old newspapers, song sheets, etc.
He takes a cigarette out of his mouth, looks for an ash
tray, and ends up putting it out in the coffee cup. He
then returns to the piano and begins picking out the
melody the dancer is playing on her record player.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary Jeff watches his neighbors from his window, while Gunnison offers him a job taking photographs in Indo-China, which Jeff is unable to do due to his leg injury. Jeff notices a group of girls sunbathing on a neighboring rooftop and becomes interested in the unusual activity across the courtyard. He also observes a young girl dancing to loud ballet music while an elderly woman reads the newspaper. Meanwhile, a short, balding man struggles to compose music on his piano while the ballet music interferes with his creativity.
Strengths "Establishing characters and setting in a subtle and engaging manner"
Weaknesses "The plot does not progress significantly in this scene"

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 7


Story Content

Concept: 8

Plot: 6

Originality: 0


Character Development

Characters: 7

Character Changes: 3

Internal Goal: 0

External Goal: 0


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 4

Opposition: 0

High Stakes: 2

Story Forward: 5

Unpredictability: 0

Philosophical Conflict: 0


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 5

Dialogue: 6

Engagement: 0

Pacing: 0


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 0

Structure: 0


Critique
Suggestions Here are some suggestions to improve this scene:

1. Add more tension to the scene by having Jeff notice something suspicious or concerning in the neighborhood while he's watching the different apartments. This would create more suspense and keep the audience engaged.

2. Make the ballet dancer's routine more interesting. While the description of her dance is detailed, it may not be enough to hold the audience's attention for very long. Consider adding more elements to her performance or giving her a backstory that adds depth to her character.

3. Give the elderly lady and short, balding man more of a role in the overall plot. While they are briefly mentioned in this scene, they could potentially become important characters later on in the story. Building their characters now could allow for more development and better overall storytelling.

4. Use the piano melody as a theme throughout the film. By introducing the melody in this scene, it could be used as a recurring motif that ties the story together and adds emotion to the film.

5. Cut down on dialogue during this scene. While the conversation between Jeff and Gunnison is important, it could be condensed to allow for more focus on the visuals and the different apartments. This would make the scene flow more smoothly and keep the audience engaged.



Scene 5 - Neighborhood Watch
INT. JEFF'S APARTMENT - DAY - SEMI-CLOSEUP

Jeff frowns at the double sound, and raises his voice a
little. He continues the conversation which has been
heard all through the previous scene.

GUNNISON
Read some good books.

JEFF
I've been taking pictures so long I
don't know how to read anymore.

GUNNISON
I'll send you some comic books.

JEFF
(Low, tense)
Listen - if you don't pull me out of
this swamp of boredom - I'll do
something drastic.
REAR WINDOW 11.


GUNNISON
Like what?

JEFF
(On filter)
I'll - I'll get married. Then I'll
never be able to go anywhere.

GUNNISON
It's about time you got married -
before you turn into a lonesome and
bitter old man.

JEFF
Can you see me - rushing home to a
hot apartment every night to listen
to the automatic laundry, the
electric dishwasher, the garbage
disposal and a nagging wife.

GUNNISON
Jeff - wives don't nag anymore --
they discuss.

Jefferies glances out across to the other apartments as
he sees:


EXT. NEIGHBORHOOD - DAY - SEMI-LONG SHOT

We see a three-storied, flat-roofed apartment house.
The brick is weatherworn and faded. Each apartment has
three windows facing the back, one showing a hallway,
one a living room, and the window on the right opening
into a bedroom.

On the second floor, a man has entered the living room
from a hallway door. He carries a large aluminum sample
case common to salesmen. He sets down the case heavily,
removes his hat, and slowly wipes his brow with the back
of his right hand. He takes off his coat and tie. His
shirt is stained with sweat underneath. He rolls up his
sleeves, and his well-muscled arms heavy with hair
confirm his dark, husky build.

INT. JEFF'S APARTMENT - DAY - SEMI-CLOSEUP

With his eyes still focused on the distant apartments,
Jeff continues talking with Gunnison.
REAR WINDOW 12.


JEFF
Yeah? Maybe in the high rent
districts they discuss - but in my
neighborhood, they still nag.

GUNNISON
Well - you know best. Call you
later, Jeff.

JEFF
Next time, have some good news.

He hangs up and resumes his attention on the apartment
of the salesman.


EXT. NEIGHBORHOOD - DAY - SEMI-LONG SHOT

The salesman looks toward the bedroom door, hesitates,
then reluctantly walks toward it. For a moment he is
hidden by the wall.


INT. JEFF'S APARTMENT - DAY - CLOSEUP

Jeff shifts his look more to the right.


EXT. NEIGHBORHOOD - DAY - SEMI-LONG SHOT

The man enters the bedroom. We can see a woman lying on
the far bed. Near her, a small table is covered with
medicine bottles, spoons, boxes of pills, a water
pitcher and the other impedimenta of the chronically
ill. The woman sits up as the man enters. She takes a
wet cloth off her forehead. Before the man even reaches
her, she begins talking, somewhat vigorously. Pointing
to a wristwatch, she seems to be saying something such
as "You should have been home two hours ago! I could be
lying here dying for all you'd know - or care!" The man
stops short of the bed, makes gestures of trying to
placate her, but she goes on scolding. His attitude
changes to weary patience, then irritation, then anger.
He shouts back at her, turns and goes out of the room.

Back in the living room, he picks up his hat, throws it
against the wall in anger, and leaves the apartment,
slamming the door behind him.


INT. JEFF'S APARTMENT - DAY - MEDIUM SHOT

Jeff's attention is suddenly diverted to himself. His
leg, under the cast, begins itching. He squirms, tries
REAR WINDOW 13.


to move the leg a little. It gives no relief. He
scratches the outside of the cast, but the itch gets
worse. He reaches for a long, Chinese back-scratcher
lying on the windowsill. Carefully, and with
considerable ingenuity, he works it under the cast. He
scratches, and a look of sublime relief comes over his
face. Satisfied, he takes the scratcher out. As he
replaces it on the windowsill, his attention is drawn
back to the scene outside the window.


EXT. NEIGHBORHOOD - DAY - SEMI-LONG SHOT

We see the man who left his apartment in anger come out
of the doorway into the backyard. He is easy to
identify through the color of his garish necktie. In
one hand the man carries a small garden hoe and rake,
and in the other a pair of trimming shears. He goes to
a small patch of flowers, perhaps three feet square.
They are beautiful, multi-colored three foot high
zinnias. He kneels down, inspects them, touches them
affectionately and with some pride. His anger seems to
have left him, replaced by the kind of peace that
flowers bring many people. He stands up, carefully hoes
the ground, them rakes it. Then he snips a few leaves
off the lower parts of the plant. Finally, he waters
them.


INT. JEFF'S APARTMENT - DAY - SEMI-CLOSEUP

Jeff's attention is turned to something else of interest.


EXT. NEIGHBORHOOD - DAY - SEMI-LONG SHOT

Into the next door yard we see emerging from the
apartment below the ballet dancer, the elderly lady.
She wear a broad sun hat, dark glasses, and a sunsuit
consisting of pink shorts and halter. She carries a
copy of the Herald Tribune, and still wears her hearing
aid. She settles into a folding, canvas deck chair.
Her skin is dead white, and her body is thin to the
point of emaciation. No sooner has she settled into her
chair, than she is attracted by the sound of the
salesman working in his garden. She gets up, walks to
the fence, and looks over. He notices her, but doesn't
speak. She begins gesturing to him how to take care of
his flowers. He listens for a moment, then looks
directly at her. The strong movements of his mouth show
us that he objects vigorously to the annoyance of her
comments. She moves away from the fence, started and a
little shocked.
REAR WINDOW 14.
Genres: ["drama","mystery","romance"]

Summary LB Jeffries watches his neighbors while discussing work with Ivar Gunnison and dealing with boredom from his immobilizing leg cast. Scenes depict various neighbors' daily activities and arguments between a salesman and his sick wife. Meanwhile, Jeffries resorts to creative means to scratch his itch and remain focused, while keeping an eye on everything happening.
Strengths "Establishes neighborhood setting and its residents, allows for character development through observation, builds suspense through introduction of unusual activity."
Weaknesses "Dialogue could be more captivating to match the visual storytelling, emotional impact could be higher."

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8


Story Content

Concept: 8

Plot: 8

Originality: 0


Character Development

Characters: 8

Character Changes: 4

Internal Goal: 0

External Goal: 0


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

Opposition: 0

High Stakes: 3

Story Forward: 6

Unpredictability: 0

Philosophical Conflict: 0


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 5

Dialogue: 7

Engagement: 0

Pacing: 0


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 0

Structure: 0


Critique Overall, the scene is well written and engages the audience by weaving multiple storylines together. It effectively juxtaposes the mundane conversation between Jeff and Gunnison with the more dramatic and interesting events unfolding in the apartments across the courtyard.

One potential area for improvement is the dialogue between Jeff and Gunnison. While it establishes their relationship and Jeff’s boredom, it feels a bit wooden and could benefit from more natural dialogue.

Another potential area for improvement is the lack of visual description of Jeff’s apartment. While we know he is in his apartment, we don't have a clear picture of the space, which could help enhance the setting and further transport the audience into Jeff’s world.

Overall, however, the scene is effective in building tension and intrigue, while also developing the characters and their relationships.
Suggestions Overall, the scene is well-written. Here are some suggestions to improve it:

1. Add more action/dialogue for Jeff: Jeff's reaction to the conversation with Gunnison feels flat. Consider adding more action or dialogue to highlight his frustration and boredom.

2. Use more visual cues: The scene relies heavily on dialogue to convey information. Consider adding more visual cues, such as Jeff's body language, to convey his emotions and thoughts.

3. Tighten up the dialogue: Some of the dialogue feels stilted and unnatural, especially when it comes to the discussion of marriage. Consider revising the dialogue to make it more natural and flow better.

4. Improve the pacing: The scene drags a bit, especially during the section where the salesman is tending to his flowers. Consider tightening up the pacing to keep the audience engaged.

5. Add more conflict: While there is some conflict between the salesman and the elderly lady, it doesn't hold much weight in the overall context of the story. Consider adding more conflict to the scene to increase tension and keep the audience invested.



Scene 6 - Stella the Nurse
INT. JEFF'S APARTMENT - (DAY) - MEDIUM SHOT

Jeff is seated in the foreground, in a waist shot.
Behind him, the entrance door to his apartment opens.
STELLA McGAFFERY comes in. She is a husky, unhandsome,
dark-haired woman who is dressed like a district nurse,
with dark coat, dark felt hat, with a white uniform
showing underneath the coat. She carries a small black
bag.

Stella pauses on the landing to watch Jeff. He doesn't
appear to notice her entrance.

STELLA
(Loud)
The New York State sentence for a
peeping Tom is six months in the
workhouse!

He doesn't turn.

JEFF
Hello Stella.

As she comes down the stairs of the landing, holding on
the wrought iron railing with one hand:

STELLA
And there aren't any windows in the
workhouse.

She puts her bag down on a table. It is worn, and looks
as if it belongs more to a fighter than a nurse. She
takes off her hat coat, and hangs them on a chair.

STELLA
Years ago, they used to put out your
eyes with a hot poker. Is one of
those bikini bombshells you always
watch worth a hot poker?

He doesn't answer. She opens the bag, takes out some
medical supplies: a thermometer, a stop watch, a bottle
of rubbing oil, a can of powder, a towel. She talks as
she works.

STELLA
We've grown to be a race of peeping
Toms. What people should do is stand
outside their own houses and look in
once in a while.
REAR WINDOW 15.


STELLA (cont'd)
(She looks up at him)
What do you think of that for
homespun philosophy?

A look at his face shows he doesn't think much of it.

JEFF
Readers' Digest, April, 1939.

STELLA
Well, I only quote from the best.

She takes the thermometer out of its case, shakes it
down. Looks at it. Satisfied, she walks to Jeff.

She swings the wheelchair around abruptly to face her.


INT. JEFF'S APARTMENT - (DAY) - MEDIUM SHOT

Jeff starts to protest.

JEFF
Now look, Stella --

She shoves the thermometer into his mouth.

STELLA
See it you can break a hundred.

As she leaves him holding the thermometer THE CAMERA
PULLS BACK as she crosses to a divan. She takes a sheet
from underneath, and covers the divan with it. Talking,
all the time.

STELLA
I shoulda been a Gypsy fortune
teller, instead of an insurance
company nurse. I got a nose for
trouble - can smell it ten miles away.
(Stops, looks at him)
You heard of the stock market crash
in '29?

Jeff nods a bored "yes."

STELLA
I predicted it.

JEFF
(Around thermometer)
How?
REAR WINDOW 16.


INT. JEFF'S APARTMENT - (DAY) - SEMI-CLOSEUP

Stella stops for a moment, and looks at Jeff
challengingly.

STELLA
Simple. I was nursing a director of
General Motors. Kidney ailment they
said. Nerves, I said. Then I asked
myself - what's General Motors got to
be nervous about?
(Snaps her fingers)
Overproduction. Collapse, I
answered. When General Motors has to
go to the bathroom ten times a day -
the whole country's ready to let go.


INT. JEFF'S APARTMENT - (DAY) - CLOSEUP

A patient, suffering look comes over his face. He takes
out the thermometer.

JEFF
Stella - in economics, a kidney
ailment has no relationship to the
stock market. Absolutely none.

STELLA
It crashed, didn't it?

Jeff has no answer. Defeated, he puts the thermometer
back into his mouth.


INT. JEFF'S APARTMENT - (DAY) - CLOSEUP

Stella goes on with her work.

STELLA
I can smell trouble right in this
apartment. You broke your leg. You
look out the window. You see things
you shouldn't. Trouble. I can see
you now, in front of the judge,
flanked by lawyers in blue double-
breasted suits. You're pleading,
"Judge, it was only innocent fun. I
love my neighbors like a father." -
The Judge answers, "Congratulations.
You just gave birth to three years in
Dannemora."
REAR WINDOW 17.


THE CAMERA PANS HER over to him. She takes out the
thermometer, looks at it.

JEFF
Right now I'd even welcome trouble.

STELLA
(Flatly)
You've got a hormone deficiency.

JEFF
How can you tell that from a
thermometer!

STELLA
Those sultry sun-worshipers you watch
haven't raised your temperature one
degree in four weeks.

She gets down the thermometer. Sterilizes it with a
piece of alcohol-soaked cotton in her other hand.

She gets behind the wheelchair the CAMERA PULLS back as
she pushes it over to the divan. She puts the
thermometer away in its case. Then she helps him off
with his pajama top. She helps him stand on one foot.
He hops one step, then she lowers him, face down, on the
divan. She gets a bottle of rubbing oil.
Genres: []

Summary Stella the nurse comes to check in on LB Jeffries as he recovers from a broken leg. They joke around while she takes his temperature and he yearns for excitement.
Strengths "Great character interaction, humorous dialogue"
Weaknesses "Not much happens plotwise"

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 6


Story Content

Concept: 7

Plot: 6

Originality: 0


Character Development

Characters: 7

Character Changes: 1

Internal Goal: 0

External Goal: 0


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 3

Opposition: 0

High Stakes: 2

Story Forward: 3

Unpredictability: 0

Philosophical Conflict: 0


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 2

Dialogue: 8

Engagement: 0

Pacing: 0


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 0

Structure: 0


Critique As a screenwriting expert, I would say that this scene serves its purpose well, which is to introduce the character of Stella, who is Jeff's nurse. The dialogue between them is natural, and their relationship is established through their banter. However, there are a few things that could be improved upon.

Firstly, the scene could benefit from more visual elements to break up the dialogue. For example, the camera could show close-ups of the medical supplies that Stella takes out of her bag, or a shot of Jeff's broken leg as she helps him onto the divan. This would add more variety to the scene and make it more interesting to watch.

Secondly, the scene would benefit from more specific and concise character descriptions. While we get some information about Stella's appearance and job, we don't really get a sense of who she is as a person other than her sarcastic sense of humor. Adding more specific details about her background or personality would make her a more well-rounded character.

Overall, while the scene could benefit from some visual variety and more specific character descriptions, it serves its purpose well in introducing the character of Stella and establishing her relationship with Jeff.
Suggestions Overall, this scene could benefit from a stronger purpose and clear conflict for the characters. As it stands, it is mostly a conversation between Jeff and Stella, with Stella providing some exposition about her background as a nurse and some playful banter with Jeff. Here are some suggestions for improving the scene:

- Establish a clear goal or conflict for Jeff. Right now, he is simply sitting in his apartment and doesn't have a clear objective. Perhaps you could add a reason for Stella's visit - maybe she needs to take care of his injury or check on his health - and make Jeff resistant to her help, creating some tension between them.

- Use the conversation between Jeff and Stella to reveal more about their personalities and relationship. What do they think of each other? Are there any underlying tensions or conflicts that come out in their banter? By making the conversation more character-driven, you can add depth to the scene and make it more engaging for the audience.

- Consider adding more visual interest to the scene. Right now, it is mostly two characters sitting and talking. You could add more movement or action to make it more visually interesting - for example, Stella could be rummaging through her bag and pulling out medical instruments while they talk, or Jeff could be fidgeting in his seat.

- Make sure the dialogue is natural and believable. Some of the lines in this scene feel a bit forced or overly scripted (e.g. Stella's "homespun philosophy" bit), which makes it harder for the audience to connect with the characters. Try to give the characters more unique voices and idioms that feel true to their personalities and backgrounds.

By incorporating these elements, you can make this scene more dynamic and engaging for the audience. Good luck with your screenwriting!



Scene 7 - The Love Advice
INT. JEFF'S APARTMENT - (DAY) - CLOSE SHOT

The CAMERA is very low at one end of the divan. Jeff's
head, half-buried in the sheet, is large in the fore-
ground. Beyond him Stella looms large and powerful-
looking.

JEFF
I think you're right. There is going
to be some trouble around here.

Stella takes a handful of oil, slaps it on his back. He
winces.

STELLA
I knew it!

JEFF
Don't you ever heat that stuff up.

STELLA
Gives your circulation something to
fight.
REAR WINDOW 18.


STELLA (cont'd)
(Begins massaging his back)
What kind of trouble?

JEFF
Lisa Fremont.

STELLA
You must be kidding. A beautiful
young woman, and you a reasonably
healthy specimen of manhood.

JEFF
She expects me to marry her.

STELLA
That's normal.

JEFF
I don't want to.

STELLA
(Slaps cold oils on him)
That's abnormal.

JEFF
(Wincing)
I'm not ready for marriage.

STELLA
Nonsense. A man is always ready for
marriage - with the right girl. And
Lisa Fremont is the right girl for
any man with half a brain, who can
get one eye open.

JEFF
(Indifferent)
She's all right.

She hits him with some more cold oil. He winces again.

STELLA
Behind every ridiculous statement is
always hidden the true cause.
(Peers at him)
What is it? You have a fight?

JEFF
No.

STELLA
(After a pause)
Her father loading up the shotgun?
REAR WINDOW 19.


JEFF
Stella!

STELLA
It's happened before, you know! Some
of the world's happiest marriage have
started 'under the gun' you might say.

JEFF
She's just not the girl for me.

STELLA
She's only perfect.

JEFF
Too perfect. Too beautiful, too
talented, too sophisticated, too
everything -- but what I want.

STELLA
(Cautiously)
Is what you want something you can
discuss?

Jeff gives an exasperated look.

JEFF
It's very simple. She belongs in
that rarefied atmosphere of Park
Avenue, expensive restaurants, and
literary cocktail parties.

STELLA
People with sense can belong wherever
they're put.

JEFF
Can you see her tramping around the
world with a camera bum who never has
more than a week's salary in the bank?
(Almost to himself)
If only she was ordinary.

Stella sprinkles powder on his back, spreads it around.
THE CAMERA PULLS BACK as she helps Jeff to a sitting
position. He buttons on his shirt.

STELLA
You're never going to marry?
REAR WINDOW 20.


JEFF
Probably. But when I do, it'll be to
someone who thinks of life as more
than a new dress, a lobster dinner,
and the latest scandal. I need a
woman who'll go anywhere, do
anything, and love it.

THE CAMERA MOVES IN as she helps him into the wheel-
chair, listening to him with exaggerated attention. He
stops as he notice her attitude. Then he goes on with
less conviction:

JEFF
The only honest thing to do is call
it off. Let her look for somebody
else.

STELLA
I can just hear you now. "Get out of
here you perfect, wonderful woman!
You're too good for me!"

JEFF
(After pause)
That's the hard part.

She swings him around in front of the window. He starts
to look out.

STELLA
Look, Mr. Jefferies. I'm not
educated. I'm not even
sophisticated. But I can tell you
this - when a man and a woman see
each other, and like each other -
they should come together - wham like
two taxies on Broadway. Not sit
around studying each other like
specimens in at bottle.

JEFF
There's an intelligent way to
approach marriage.

STELLA
(Scoffing)
Intelligence! Nothing has caused the
human race more trouble. Modern
marriage!

Jeff swings his chair back to look at her.

JEFF
We've progressed emotionally in --
REAR WINDOW 21.


STELLA
(Interrupting)
Baloney! Once it was see somebody,
get excited, get married -- Now, it's
read books, fence with four syllable
words, psychoanalyze each other until
you can't tell a petting party from
a civil service exam

JEFF
People have different emotional
levels that --

STELLA
(Interrupting again)
Ask for trouble and you get it. Why
there's a good boy in my neighborhood
who went with a nice girl across the
street for three years. Then he
refused to marry her. Why? - Because
she only Scored sixty-one on a Look
Magazine marriage quiz!

Jeff can't help smiling.

STELLA
When I married Myles, we were both
maladjusted misfits. We still are.
And we've loved every minute of it.

JEFF
That's fine, Stella. Now would you
make me a sandwich?

She relaxes.

STELLA
Okay -- but I'm going to spread some
common sense on the bread. Lisa
Fremont's loaded to her fingertips
with love for you. I'll give you two
words of advice. Marry her.

JEFF
(Smiles)
She pay you much?

Stella leaves for the kitchen in a huff. Jeff turns his
chair to the window.
Genres: ["Drama","Romance","Comedy"]

Summary Jeff discusses his relationship with Lisa Fremont with his nurse Stella, who insists he's being ridiculous. Jeff wants someone who loves adventure and Lisa just doesn't fit the bill for him. Stella gives him some tough love and encourages him to marry her.
Strengths
  • Playful tone
  • Good chemistry between characters
  • Interesting exploration of love and relationships
Weaknesses
  • Scene is mostly dialogue-driven with little action

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8


Story Content

Concept: 9

Plot: 7

Originality: 0


Character Development

Characters: 8

Character Changes: 3

Internal Goal: 0

External Goal: 0


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 4

Opposition: 0

High Stakes: 3

Story Forward: 6

Unpredictability: 0

Philosophical Conflict: 0


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 5

Dialogue: 9

Engagement: 0

Pacing: 0


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 0

Structure: 0


Critique Overall, this scene seems to serve the purpose of revealing the conflict between Jeff and Lisa while also providing some comedic relief through the banter between Jeff and Stella. However, there are some areas that could be improved upon.

Firstly, the dialogue can be a bit on-the-nose at times, with characters explicitly stating their thoughts and feelings. For example, when Jeff says "I don't want to [marry Lisa]," Stella immediately responds with "That's abnormal," which feels a bit too direct. Perhaps it would be more effective to have Stella dig a bit deeper and ask why Jeff doesn't want to marry Lisa, which could lead to a more nuanced and authentic conversation.

Additionally, the scene could benefit from more visual storytelling. While there are some actions described (like Stella applying oil to Jeff's back), there isn't much in the way of visual cues or symbolism that could help convey the characters' emotions and motivations. For example, perhaps there could be a shot of Lisa's photo on Jeff's fridge that he keeps glancing at, indicating his conflicted feelings towards her.

Finally, while the humor is appreciated, it can sometimes detract from the weight of the scene. For instance, when Jeff jokes about whether Lisa is paying Stella to convince him to marry her, it takes away from the seriousness of the conflict at hand. While comedy can be a valuable tool in screenwriting, it's important to strike a balance and ensure it doesn't undermine the emotional resonance of the scene.

Overall, with some tweaking to the dialogue and more attention to visual storytelling, this scene could be even stronger.
Suggestions Overall, this scene has good dialogue between Jeff and Stella, but can be improved with some visual cues and action to make it more engaging for the viewer. Here are some suggestions:

1. Start with a wider shot to establish the apartment and set the scene before moving into a close-up of Jeff and Stella. This sets the stage for the conversation and gives context to their environment.

2. Have Jeff interact physically with the sheets and massage oils to make his discomfort more tangible for the viewer. This adds a layer of realism and makes the scene more relatable.

3. Use more camera movement to create dynamic shots. For example, instead of just pulling back to show Jeff and Stella from a wider angle, the camera could pan around the room to show different perspectives and create a more immersive experience.

4. Use lighting to create mood and atmosphere. For example, the lighting could be dimmed to create a cozy and intimate atmosphere, or brightened to show tension and conflict.

5. Incorporate more subtext and nonverbal cues to make the conversation more interesting. For example, when Jeff says Lisa Fremont is "too perfect," he could glance at something in the room that suggests he's bored with perfection and craves something more raw and real.

6. Use sound and music to enhance the mood and create emotional resonance. For example, a soft piano melody could play in the background as Jeff and Stella talk about love and marriage, adding an emotional depth to the scene.

By incorporating these elements, this scene can become more visually and emotionally engaging for the viewer.



Scene 8 - Jeff's Observation and Lisa's Visit
INT. JEFF'S APARTMENT - (DAY) - SEMI-CLOSEUP

Jeff now looks out to see what has happened to the old
lady, and the man with the flowers.
REAR WINDOW 22.


EXT. NEIGHBORHOOD - (DAY) - SEMI-LONG SHOT

The elderly lady is now asleep in her desk chair, her
face covered with the Herald Tribune. There is no sign
of the man with the flowers.


INT. JEFF'S APARTMENT - DAY - CLOSEUP

Jeff's eyes travel up to the ballet dancer's window.


EXT. NEIGHBORHOOD - DAY - SEMI-LONG SHOT

She is sitting near the window looking into an upright
mirror. Dreamily, and methodically, she is brushing her
long copper-colored hair.


INT. JEFF'S APARTMENT - DAY - CLOSEUP

His eyes are suddenly turned in another direction,
sharply to his left.


EXT. NEIGHBORHOOD - DAY - SEMI-LONG SHOT

He is now looking at the windows of the apartments
nearest to him. A shade has gone up, and a man,
obviously a caretaker is raising a window with some
effort. Having accomplished this, he turns back into
the room, and we now see him approach a young man and
woman who are standing just inside the doorway. He
hands a key to the young man, and then obligingly brings
in two suitcases which he places on the floor beside
them. He gives them a studied, but agreeable nod, then
departs. We now see that the girl has a small hat with
a veil, and an ornate corsage pinned to her light blue
tailored suit. The boy, who like the girl is perhaps
twenty years old, wears a dark blue serge suit and a
grey felt hat. He takes off the hat, and scales it over
to a nearby chair. Quickly they are in each other's
arms, kissing passionately, crushing the girl's corsage
and pushing her hat back a little. They part, the boy
laughs nervously, and takes a furtive glance out toward
the corridor. He looks back into the room, and beckons
her to come out. She follows him wonderingly. For a
moment, both are lost from sight. When they reappear,
he is carrying her in his arms, over the threshold. He
sets her down, closes the door, and they kiss again.
They part, still holding hands and looking into each
other's eyes. Then slowly, and significantly, she looks
toward the open window. He releases her hands, goes to
the window and pull down the shade, as she is reaching
upward with both hands to unpin her hat.
REAR WINDOW 23.


INT. JEFF'S APARTMENT - DAY - SEMI-CLOSEUP

There is a soft, understanding look on Jeff's face, and
he gives an involuntary sigh. He is unaware that Stella
is now standing behind him.

STELLA
(Quietly)
Window shopper

He freezes, turns slowly to look up at her.

FADE OUT.

FADE IN:

EXT. NEIGHBORHOOD - NIGHT - SUNSET - LONG SHOT

The CAMERA makes a short sweep around the neighborhood
showing that some of the rooms are now with heir lights
on. The CAMERA PULLS BACK into Jeff's apartment until
his head fills the screen. He is asleep. A shadow of
some other person creeps over his face. His eyes start
to open. He looks up.


INT. JEFF'S APARTMENT - SUNSET - CLOSEUP

The screen is filled with the eyes, nose and mouth of a
woman coming nearer and nearer to the CAMERA to kiss
Jeff. The face is more or less in shadow, a faint light
coming onto the profile from the window. It moves down
until the lips move out of her bottom of her screen, and
just the remain for fill the screen.


INT. JEFF'S APARTMENT - SUNSET - CLOSEUP

The two big profiles filling the screen. The girl
kisses Jeff firmly, but not passionately. Then her head
moves back an inch or two. She speaks.

LISA
(Softly)
How's your leg?

JEFF
Mmmm - hurts a little.

LISA
And your stomach?

JEFF
Empty as a football.
REAR WINDOW 24.


LISA
And you love life?

JEFF
Not too active.

LISA
Anything else bothering you?

JEFF
Uh-huh.

She gives a low. Warm laugh, and the CAMERA PULLS BACK
to show that Lisa has been bending over Jeff's
wheelchair from the side. As she straightens up, it
PANS her swiftly over to the corner of the room, keeping
her in big closeup. She turns on a low, hanging light.
We see her full facial beauty for the first time. It is
a warm, intelligent face.

LISA
(As she moves)
Reading from top to bottom -
(Light on)
Lisa --

The CAMERA FOLLOWS HER quickly to another lamp. She
gets a little farther away from us so that we now see
her down to her waist. She turns on the second lamp and
the light shows us that her beauty is not alone in her
face.

LISA
Carol -

The CAMERA PANS HER over to a third lamp which she turns
on. She is now full figure, beautifully groomed and
flawless. Her dress is high-style fashion and dramatic
evening wear.

LISA
Fremont.


INT. JEFF'S APARTMENT - SUNSET - SEMI-CLOSEUP
Jeff looks across the room at her.

JEFF
The Lisa Fremont who never wears the
same dress twice?
REAR WINDOW 25.


INT. JEFF'S APARTMENT - SUNSET - SEMI-LONG SHOT

LISA
Only because it's expected of her.

She does a professional model's turn in the dress
showing off its features.

LISA
Right off the Paris plane. Think it
will sell?
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary Jeff observes the various activities of his neighbors while discussing work with Gunnison. He becomes interested in the couples' unusual activity across the courtyard. Meanwhile, Stella checks on Jeff's recovery and he chats with her about his relationship with Lisa. Later, Lisa comes to visit Jeff and they have a quiet conversation about his well-being and her career.
Strengths "The scene successfully establishes the relationships between Jeff and his neighbors, as well as his relationship with Lisa. The observational tone and romantic tension give the scene a quiet, thoughtful atmosphere."
Weaknesses "The scene doesn't feature much conflict or action, which may bore some viewers. Additionally, the focus on observation and description may feel slow-paced to some."

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8


Story Content

Concept: 9

Plot: 7

Originality: 0


Character Development

Characters: 8

Character Changes: 3

Internal Goal: 0

External Goal: 0


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 4

Opposition: 0

High Stakes: 2

Story Forward: 5

Unpredictability: 0

Philosophical Conflict: 0


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

Dialogue: 8

Engagement: 0

Pacing: 0


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 0

Structure: 0


Critique Overall, the scene is well-written and engaging. The descriptions are vivid and the pacing is good. However, there are a few suggestions for improvement:

- Clarify who Jeff is looking at in the first shot. It's unclear whether he's looking at the old lady and man with flowers or something else. Adding a bit more context would help.
- Consider breaking up the exterior shot of the young couple moving in with some intercutting of Jeff's reaction. Right now, it's a lengthy shot that doesn't involve the protagonist, which can slow down the scene.
- The last line feels a bit forced. Instead of simply asking if the dress will sell, perhaps there could be some banter between Jeff and Lisa that reveals more about their relationship or personalities.
Suggestions Overall, the scene is well written in terms of description and action, but there are a few areas where it could be improved:

1. Character development: While we get a good sense of what is happening in the neighboring apartments, we don't learn anything new or interesting about Jeff or Stella in this scene. Adding more depth to their characters and enhancing their interactions with each other could make the scene more engaging.

2. Dialogue: The dialogue between Jeff and Lisa feels slightly forced and lacking in naturalistic rhythms. It could benefit from more organic and believable exchanges.

3. Dramatic tension: This scene is largely devoid of tension or conflict, which could make it feel sluggish or uninteresting. Incorporating more dramatic stakes or making the conflicts more palpable could heighten the emotional impact of the scene.

4. Visual storytelling: While the scene does feature some interesting visuals, such as the ballet dancer brushing her hair, there are also long stretches of purely expository action that could be improved with more visually dynamic storytelling techniques.

Incorporating some of these suggestions could help elevate the scene to a more engaging and dynamic level.



Scene 9 - Dinner and Dancing
INT. JEFF'S APARTMENT - (SUNSET) - SEMI-CLOSEUP

Jeff replies:

JEFF
Depends on the quote. Let's see --
there's the plane tickets over,
import duties, hidden taxes, profit
markups --

LISA
-- A steal at eleven hundred dollars.

JEFF
(A low whistle)
That dress should be listed on the
stock exchange.

LISA
We sell a dozen a day in this price
range.

JEFF
Who buys them? Tax collectors?


INT. JEFF'S APARTMENT - (SUNSET) - MEDIUM SHOT

She laughs pleasantly.

LISA
Even if I had to pay, it would be
worth it - just for the occasion.

She looks down at the long mahongany table beside her
which is littered with a number of his personal effects.
Her own handbag is also on the table. As she talks her
eyes scan the table as if she's looking for something
specific.

JEFF
(Off - puzzled)
Something big going on somewhere?
REAR WINDOW 26.


LISA
(Looking up from the table)
Going on right here. It's a big
night.

JEFF
(Off)
It's just a run-of-the-mill Monday.
The calendar's loaded with them.

Lisa finds what she has been looking for. Picks up an
old and cracked cigarette box, examines it as she talks.

LISA
It's opening night of the last
depressing week of L. B. Jefferies in
a cast.

JEFF
(Off)
Hasn't been any big demand for
tickets.

She turns to look at him, and moves toward him, carrying
the cigarette box.

LISA
(Smiling)
That's because I bought out the
house. -- This cigarette box has seen
better days.


INT. JEFF'S APARTMENT - (SUNSET) - MEDIUM SHOT

Lisa facing Jeff in the chair.

JEFF
Picked it up in Shangai - which has
also seen better days.

LISA
It's creaked - and you never use it.
And it's too ornate. I'm sending up
a plain, flat silver one - with just
your initials engraved.

JEFF
Now that's no way to spend your hard-
earned money!

LISA
I wanted to, Jeff
(A sudden intake of breath)
Oh!
REAR WINDOW 27.


She turns around quickly and dashes to the door,
dropping the cigarette box on the table as she passes,
THE CAMERA PANNING with her. She goes up the two steps,
stops, turns back to Jeff.

LISA
What would you think of starting off
with dinner at the "21"?


INT. JEFF'S APARTMENT - (SUNSET) - SEMI-CLOSEUP

JEFF
You have, perhaps, an ambulance
outside?


INT. JEFF'S APARTMENT - (SUNSET) - SEMI-LONG SHOT

She reaches for the doorknob, turns it:

LISA
(Simply)
Better than that. The "21."

She swings open the door and stands to one side. Framed
in the doorway is middle-aged waiter wearing a white
linen pea jacket with a red collar. He's carrying in
one hand a large portable warming oven, and in the other
hand an ice bucket containing a bottle of wine covered
with a napkin.


INT. JEFF'S APARTMENT - SUNSET - CLOSEUP

His reaction is one of tender amusement.
Genres: ["Romance","Drama"]

Summary Lisa surprises Jeff with a romantic dinner at his apartment, complete with food and wine from 21 Club.
Strengths "The witty banter between Lisa and Jeff showcases their playful dynamic, and the surprise dinner adds a romantic touch to the scene."
Weaknesses "The scene is mostly exposition and lacks significant plot development."

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8


Story Content

Concept: 7

Plot: 7

Originality: 0


Character Development

Characters: 8

Character Changes: 4

Internal Goal: 0

External Goal: 0


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 3

Opposition: 0

High Stakes: 3

Story Forward: 7

Unpredictability: 0

Philosophical Conflict: 0


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

Dialogue: 9

Engagement: 0

Pacing: 0


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 0

Structure: 0


Critique Overall, the scene is well written with natural dialogue and good pacing. The banter between Jeff and Lisa flows easily, and their interactions reveal small details about their characters and their relationship.
However, it could benefit from more visual description to enhance the reader's understanding of the physical space and character actions. For example, it's unclear what the personal effects on the table are and what Lisa is specifically looking for. Adding more physical details would make the scene feel more grounded.
Additionally, the scene lacks any clear conflict or tension, making it feel somewhat flat. It could benefit from introducing some obstacle or complication to heighten the stakes and keep the audience engaged.
Suggestions Here are a few suggestions for improving the scene:

1. Clarify the stakes: While the dialogue is witty, it doesn't really establish the stakes of the scene. What does Lisa want from Jeff, and why is it important to her? What will happen if she doesn't get it? Adding some clearer motivation for both characters will help the scene feel more engaging and purposeful.

2. Use more descriptive language: The scene could benefit from some more evocative visual and sensory language to help readers visualize the environment and emotions of the characters. For example, instead of just saying "Her own handbag is also on the table," you might describe the color, texture, and weight of the bag to help readers feel more immersed in the scene.

3. Vary the shot distances: Currently, the scene is comprised almost entirely of medium and semi-closeup shots. While it's important to establish medium shots to show the characters' physical proximity to one another, consider also using wide shots or closeups to add visual interest and emphasize different emotions or moments.

4. Tighten up the pacing: The scene currently feels a bit slow and meandering, particularly in the first half. Consider tightening up the dialogue and action to create more momentum, and cutting any lines that don't feel essential to the story or character development.

5. Add more sensory detail: Finally, consider adding more sensory detail to the scene beyond just what the characters are saying. What smells, sounds, or textures might be present in the apartment? How do the characters interact with their environment beyond just sitting in chairs and talking? Adding more sensory detail will help create a more immersive and engaging scene overall.



Scene 10 - Romantic Dinner
INT. JEFF'S APARTMENT - SUNSET - MEDIUM SHOT

LISA
Thank you for waiting Carl.

He smiles, nods enters. He goes down the stairs, as she
follows. THE CAMERA GOES with both of them.

LISA
Kitchen's on the left. I'll take the
wine.

He hands her the wine bucket and she places it on the
table. He moves toward the kitchen.

CARL
Good evening, Mr Jefferies.
REAR WINDOW 28.


JEFF
Hello.

Carl goes into the kitchen.

LISA
(Up, to Carl)
Just put everything right in the oven
Carl. On "low."

CARL
(Off)
Yes ma'am.

LISA
(Enthusiastically)
Let's open the wine now. It's a
Montrachet.

JEFF
(Appreciatively)
A big glassful.

She moves to a small bar set in the wall cabinet.
Produces two glasses, hold them up.

LISA
Big enough?

JEFF
Fine. Corkscrew's on the right.

She finds it. Puts the glasses on the table, uncovers
the wine, and begins screwing in the corkscrew.

LISA
I couldn't think of anything more
boring and tiresome than what you've
been through. And the last week must
be the hardest.

JEFF
Yeah - I want to get this thing off
and get moving.

LISA
(Struggling with cork)
Well, I'm going to make this a week
you'll never forget.

Carl comes out of the kitchen carrying the empty warming
oven. He sets it down he sees Lisa struggling with the
corkscrew.

CARL
Let me, madam.
REAR WINDOW 29.


She does. He takes out his own professional corkscrew,
quickly inserts it and levers the cork out. He deftly
wraps the napkin around the bottle and pours the wine,
replacing the bottle in the wine bucket. Lisa has
opened her purse to produce some money, in bills. She
hands it to the waiter.

LISA
This will take care of the taxi as
well.

Carl, without looking at the money, puts it in his
pocket.

CARL
Thank you, Miss Fremont.

He picks up the warning oven.

CARL
Have a pleasant dinner, Mr. Jefferies.

JEFF
Thank you.

Carl goes up the stairs and out the door, while THE
CAMERA REMAINS on Lisa and Jeff. She picks up both
glasses of wine and walks toward Jeff. She seats
herself on the windowsill as she hands him his glass. We
notice that the outside is considerably darker by now,
and the lights are beginning to come on in the various
apartments outside. They raise their glasses in a
silent toast, and sip the wine. THE CAMERA CLOSES IN
until they are both in a tight TOW SHOT.

LISA
What a day I've had!

JEFF
Tired?

LISA
Not a bit. I was all morning in a
sales meeting. Then over to the
Waldorf for a quick drink with
Madame Dufresne - just over from
Paris. With some spy reports. Back
to the "21" for lunch with the
Harper's Bazaar people - that's when
I ordered dinner. Then two Fall
showings - twenty blocks apart. Then
I had to have a cocktail with Leland
and slim Hayward - we're trying to
get his next show.
(Softly, looking up to him)
Then I had to dash back and change.
REAR WINDOW 30.


JEFF
(Mock seriousness - one
girl to another)
Tell me - what was Slim Hayward
wearing?

LISA
(Seriously)
She looked very cool. She had on a
mint green---

She breaks off with a little laugh, and a slight
reproachful look at Jeff. She sips her drink then says:

LISA
And to think, I planted three nice
items about you in the columns today.

Jeff's opinion of that is a short chuckle.

LISA
You can't buy that kind of publicity.

JEFF
That's good news.

LISA
Someday you might want to open up
your own studio here.

JEFF
How could I run it from say --
Pakistan?

She puts down her glass and slides along the window seat
nearer to him, THE CAMERA CLOSING IN. She looks up at
him with a serious frankness.

LISA
Jeff -- isn't it time you came home?
You could pick your assignment.

JEFF
I wish there was one I wanted.

LISA
Make the one you want.
JEFF
(As if he can't believe her)
You mean leave the magazine?

LISA
Yes.
REAR WINDOW 31.


JEFF
For what?

LISA
For yourself - and me.
(She adds eagerly)
I could get you a dozen assignments
tomorrow...fashion, portraits --

Jeff interrupts her with soft laughter.

LISA
(Offended)
Don't laugh. -- I could do it!

JEFF
That's what I'm afraid of.
(He gazes into space)
Could you see me - driving down to
the fashion salon in a jeep - wearing
combat boots and a three day beard?
(He chuckles at the thought)

LISA
I could see you looking handsome and
successful in a dark blue flannel
suit.

JEFF
(Looking directly at her)
Let's not talk any more nonsense, huh?

She stands up. THE CAMERA PULLS BACK.

LISA
I'd better start setting up for
dinner.

She moves away behind him, into the kitchen.
Genres: ["romance","drama"]

Summary Lisa surprises Jeff with a romantic dinner at his apartment, complete with food and wine from 21 Club.
Strengths "The chemistry between Jeff and Lisa is strong and palpable."
Weaknesses "The scene is slow and doesn't have much conflict or action."

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9


Story Content

Concept: 8

Plot: 8

Originality: 0


Character Development

Characters: 9

Character Changes: 3

Internal Goal: 0

External Goal: 0


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 3

Opposition: 0

High Stakes: 2

Story Forward: 6

Unpredictability: 0

Philosophical Conflict: 0


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 5

Dialogue: 9

Engagement: 0

Pacing: 0


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 0

Structure: 0


Critique Overall, the scene is well-written and effectively conveys the characters' personalities. Lisa is portrayed as ambitious, confident, and independent, while Jeff is more jaded and resistant to change. The dialogue feels natural and realistic, as the characters talk about their day and their futures. The use of the camera to follow the characters as they move around the apartment adds movement and visual interest to the scene.

One potential critique is that the scene doesn't add a lot of new information or conflict to the story. It feels like a conversation that could have taken place at any point in the film, without advancing the plot or developing the characters in a significant way. However, it does give us a sense of their relationship and their differing perspectives on their careers and futures.

Another possible weakness is that some of the dialogue feels a bit on-the-nose, particularly when Lisa spells out her thoughts and feelings so explicitly. For example, when she says "Jeff -- isn't it time you came home? You could pick your assignment," it feels like she's stating the obvious rather than revealing anything new or subtle about her character. However, this is a minor issue and doesn't detract too much from the scene's overall effectiveness.
Suggestions 1. Consider adding more action and movement in the scene to make it visually interesting. For example, Jeff and Lisa could be doing something while they chat, like cooking or setting the table.

2. Use dialogue to reveal more about the characters, their motivations, and their backstories. For instance, Lisa could talk more about her career aspirations and Jeff could reveal more about why he's unhappy with his job.

3. Add more conflict to the scene to keep the audience engaged. For example, Jeff and Lisa could have differing opinions about whether or not Jeff should leave his job.

4. Consider using the setting more effectively, as it is a key component of the story. Try to make the apartment setting visually interesting and explore the different spaces in the apartment.

5. Use the camera effectively to emphasize certain moments and create a sense of tension and suspense. For example, a close-up shot of Lisa's face could show her frustration while struggling to open the wine bottle.



Scene 11 - Observing the Neighbors
INT. JEFF'S APARTMENT - (NIGHT) - SEMI-CLOSEUP
Jeff gives a sigh of relief, exhaling his breath, then
looks down toward his legs in thought. He holds this
attitude for just a moment, then seems to shake off his
concern to lift his head and turn his attention to what
might be happening in his neighborhood beyond his window.

Behind him we see the vague form of Lisa bringing in a
card table, which she proceeds to unfold.
REAR WINDOW 32.


EXT. NEIGHBORHOOD - (NIGHT) - SEMI-LONG SHOT

Jeff's attention is concentrated on an apartment we have
not seen before. This belongs to a single woman, about
forty years of age. She lives alone. Her apartment is
below that of the salesman with the invalid wife.


INT. JEFF'S APARTMENT - NIGHT - CLOSEUP

Jeff leans forward with increased interest. Behind him
we get vague figure of Lisa laying a cloth over the card
table.


EXT. NEIGHBORHOOD - (NIGHT) - SEMI-LONG SHOT

A nearer view show us a more intimate picture of the
woman Jeff is concentrating on. She is thin and
unattractive. At the moment, she is putting on her make-
up in front of the bedroom mirror. She gives a half
turn and picks up a pair of horn-rimmed glasses, which
she puts on, and leans nearer to her mirror. She picks
up a lipstick and proceeds to paint her lips carefully.
Having completed her make-up, she takes off her glasses
and surveys her face in the mirror. She stands up,
swings the skirt of her dress around, admires herself in
the mirror. She is quite flat-chested, and the dress
hangs unattractively. She lifts her chin, gives one
last look, and turns toward her living room. As if she's
preparing to meet someone.


INT. JEFF'S APARTMENT - (NIGHT) - CLOSEUP

Without taking his eyes from the scene, Jeff picks up
his wineglass and drinks. As he drinks, his eyes move
slightly over.

EXT. NEIGHBORHOOD - (NIGHT) - SEMI-LONG SHOT

THE CAMERA HAS PANNED slightly to the woman's living
room window. A small, candle-lit table is set up, with
dinner for two. The spinster sweeps into the room,
smiling. She goes to the door, opens it, and in
pantomime admits an imaginary caller. She pretends to
kiss him lightly, take his hat, and place the hat on a
chair. Then she shows him to a seat at the table,
disappears into an unseen kitchen and returns with a
bottle and two glasses. She sits down, pours two
drinks. She lifts her drink in a toast to the imaginary
man opposite her.
REAR WINDOW 33.


INT. JEFF'S APARTMENT - (NIGHT) - CLOSEUP

Jeff gives a faint, sympathetic smile, and
subconsciously raises his glass in response. In the
background, Lisa, having just placed a pair of
candlesticks on the table, is returning to the kitchen.


EXT. NEIGHBORHOOD - (NIGHT) - SEMI-LONG SHOT

Having finished her drink, the lonesome woman pours
herself another one. Then she starts to take a sip,
smiling across the table at her imaginary guest. She
lowers the glass onto the table. The smile fades from
her face as her head drops. Suddenly she buries her
head in her arms over the table and starts to sob.


INT. JEFF'S APARTMENT - (NIGHT) - SEMI-CLOSEUP

Jeff, his glass in hand, looks out sympathetically. He
is unaware that Lisa is standing behind him, and is also
watching this little drama.

LISA
That's what is know as "manless
melancholia."

JEFF
(Nods agreement)
Miss Lonely Hearts. -- At least
that's something you'll never have to
worry about.

LISA
Oh? You can see my apartment all the
way up on 63rd street?

JEFF
Not exactly - but we have a little
apartment here that's probably about
as popular as yours.
(He points)
You, of course, remember Miss Torso.

Both of them swing their eyes a little to the left.

EXT. NEIGHBORHOOD - (NIGHT) - SEMI-LONG SHOT

The kitchen-lining room combination of the ballet
dancer's apartment has now been made more presentable.
The ice box is now skillfully concealed by a large
Chinese screen. All kitchen utensils have been put
away, replaced by more attractive effects, and lamp
light softens the surroundings.
REAR WINDOW 34.


Miss Torso is now wearing a cocktail dress, which shows
off her figure to great advantage, especially when she
leans toward tree assorted men to offer them a plate of
hors d' oeuvres. She is the perfect hostess, animated,
charming, and with an added personal touch for each
guest. She is behaving with a sophistication which was
not apparent when we first saw her in the morning. Her
every movement is followed admiringly by the eyes of the
three men - one wearing black tie, with a touch of grey
in his hair, a Long Island socialite - a young rather
handsome, actor in grey flannel suit - and last, a
bright, pleasant, young man who might possibly be from
Wall street, wearing a blue-pin-striped suit. The
latter two are engaged in an animated conversation. The
young man in the grey suit is showing the other young
man some newspaper cuttings he's taken from his pocket.
Miss Torso sees that the cocktail glass of the third man
is empty. She takes it over to the window, and starts
to fill it. The man in the tuxedo follows her over,
with a casual glance toward the other two. He stands
beside her as she makes the drink. He looks at his
watch with some impatience, and makes a side comment to
her as to the lateness of the time. She turns, gives
him a light kiss on his cheek, as if she's telling him
to be patient. Instead of pacifying him, it makes him
more amorous, and he puts an arm around her shoulder an
plants a heavy kiss on her cheek. She turns to face
him, they look into each other's eyes a moment, and she
allows herself to be kissed on the lips - but only long
enough so as to attract the attention of the other two
men. With a little admonishing look, she moves away
from him, and makes him rejoin the other two.


INT. JEFF'S APARTMENT - (NIGHT) - SEMI-CLOSEUP

Jeff turns and looks up to Lisa with a grin.

JEFF
Well, she picked the most prosperous
looking one.

LISA
She's not in love with him - or any
of them.

JEFF
How can you tell that - from here?

LISA
You said it resembled my apartment
didn't you?

She moves away with a significant look to him. THE
CAMERA MOVES IN until Jeff is in semi-closeup, alone.
REAR WINDOW 35.


He ponders over her last remark, then changes his look
to another direction.


EXT. NEIGHBORHOOD - NIGHT - MEDIUM SHOT

The newlyweds's apartment has the shades still drawn.
Although there's a light burning inside.
Genres: ["drama","romance"]

Summary Jeff observes his neighbors and their romantic interactions, while discussing his relationship with Lisa with her. Lisa surprises Jeff with a romantic dinner at his apartment.
Strengths "The scene provides insight into the character of Jeff and his relationship with Lisa. It also sets up future plot points with the different neighbors."
Weaknesses "The scene doesn't have a lot of action or conflict."

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8


Story Content

Concept: 7

Plot: 8

Originality: 0


Character Development

Characters: 8

Character Changes: 3

Internal Goal: 0

External Goal: 0


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 3

Opposition: 0

High Stakes: 2

Story Forward: 6

Unpredictability: 0

Philosophical Conflict: 0


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

Dialogue: 7

Engagement: 0

Pacing: 0


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 0

Structure: 0


Critique Overall, this scene is effective in creating a sense of voyeurism and intrigue, as the audience is drawn into Jeff's perspective on his surroundings. The use of various camera angles and shot types allows the audience to see what Jeff is seeing and feel the emotions he is experiencing. The contrast between the lonesome woman's sad evening and the more lively scene across the way with Miss Torso and her guests creates a sense of juxtaposition that adds to the drama.

However, there are a few areas where this scene could be improved. One minor issue is the lack of clear character descriptions. While we do get some basic information about the main characters, such as the lonesome woman, Miss Torso, and the newlyweds, there is little detail provided about their appearances, personalities, or motivations. This makes it harder for the audience to become invested in their stories.

Another issue is that some of the dialogue feels a bit on-the-nose and expository, particularly the exchange between Jeff and Lisa about Miss Lonely Hearts and Lisa's own apartment. While this information is important for establishing the setting and characters, it could be delivered in a more natural, less obvious way.

Overall, this scene effectively creates a sense of tension and intrigue, but could benefit from more nuanced character development and less expository dialogue.
Suggestions Here are some suggestions to improve the scene:

1. Add more dialogue: The scene is heavily reliant on visual storytelling, but a few lines of dialogue between Jeff and Lisa could help to develop their relationship and add depth to their characters.

2. Develop the emotional arc: The scene shows the lonesome woman going from setting up a romantic dinner for two to tearing up in despair. While this is a powerful emotional arc, it could be strengthened by adding more context and backstory to her character.

3. Cut down on description: Some of the description in the scene feels excessive, such as the detailed description of Miss Torso's apartment. Cutting down on some of this description could help to streamline the scene and make it more engaging for the viewer.

4. Add more conflict: The scene is relatively static, with Jeff and Lisa simply observing their neighbors from a distance. Introducing some form of external conflict or tension could help to make the scene more dynamic and engaging for the viewer.

5. Consider changing the setting: Since the scene takes place entirely within Jeff's apartment and his view of the surrounding neighborhood, it could benefit from a change in setting or tone. Adding in more visual variety or changing the lighting or camera angles could help to keep the viewer engaged.



Scene 12 - Watching and Dining
INT. JEFF'S APARTMENT - NIGHT - SEMI-CLOSEUP

There is a slight, but warm, smile on Jeff's face as he
looks at the drawn shade. His eyes move away from the
newlyweds' apartment, and slowly explore the
neighborhood to his right. He finds something of
interest, and stops to stare at it. His face sobers at
what he sees.


EXT. NEIGHBORHOOD - NIGHT - SEMI-LONG SHOT

The salesman's apartment. We see both the living room
and the bedroom. The salesman has prepared a dinner
tray, and is carrying it from the kitchen, through the
lining room, into the bedroom. He places it on the lap
of his wife, sitting up in bed. He puts a couple of
pillows behind her back to make her more comfortable.
She doesn't bother to thank him, but is busy examining
the content of the tray. Her attitude shows her
dissatisfaction. Nothing is right. It's not what she
wanted, and it's badly prepared. She begins criticizing
him. He starts to answer her back, but decides better
of it, and instead, leaves the room. He goes to the
kitchen reaches up to a wall cabinet, takes down a
bottle and pours himself a drink. Then he returns to
the lining room, listens a moment. The wife is grudging
beginning to eat the dinner. The husband quietly lifts
a phone from the cradle, and dials a number.


INT. JEFF'S APARTMENT - NIGHT - CLOSEUP
Jeff becomes completely absorbed with he sees. He leans
forward a little.


EXT. NEIGHBORHOOD - NIGHT - MEDIUM SHOT

We get a better view of the salesman waiting while his
connection is being made. Whoever he has called
answers. And instantly there is a marked change in his
attitude. He relaxes, smiles, is warm. Ha talks
softly, perhaps guardedly, with an occasional glance at
the bedroom door. In the bedroom, his wife has become
aware of the call.
REAR WINDOW 36.


Quietly she moves the tray, gets out of bed, and goes to
the bedroom door to listen. The wall hides her from our
view.

Then suddenly, she apparently opens the door, because
the living room, we see her arm suddenly appear,
pointing at the man and the telephone. He speaks
quickly into the phone, and hangs up. His face is
flushed and angry as he goes toward the bedroom. In the
bedroom his wife appears walking back to the bed,
followed by the husband. She is laughing, and he is
answering her in angry tones. She climbs in bed
laughing. The more she laughs, the more angry he gets,
and the harder she laughs. Finally, he leaves the room,
goes into the living room, back into the kitchen and has
another drink. He stands there, controlling an outburst
of emotion, and seems almost to be crushing the shot
glass in his clenched fist.


INT. JEFF'S APARTMENT - (NIGHT) - SEMI-CLOSEUP

While Jeff has been engaged in watching this little
drama, the SOUND of a piano has started. He now diverts
his attention from the salesman's apartment to the
source of the piano music. He turns his eyes in the
direction of the composer's apartment.


EXT. NEIGHBORHOOD - (NIGHT) - SEMI-LONG SHOT

Through the studio window of the song-writer's apartment
we see the man at work again on his original melody, and
he is farther along the line of the melody than before.
It is beginning to take some shape, and give promise of
tis full beauty.


INT. JEFF'S APARTMENT - (NIGHT) - SEMI-CLOSEUP

Jeff, listening to the composer. His head turns as
Lisa's voice comes over:

LISA
(Emerging from kitchen)
Where's that music coming from?

THE CAMERA QUICKLY PULL BACK as Jeff swings his chair
around. Lisa is emerging from the kitchen, carrying the
serving dish of their lobster thermidor.

JEFF
Oh... some songwriter. In the studio
apartment. Lives alone. Probably
had an unhappy marriage.
REAR WINDOW 37.


LISA
(Putting down the food)
I think it's enchanting.

She pulls up a chair and seats herself at the card
table. We now observe that tow small lit candles adorn
the table, and the rest of the room lights are out.

LISA
Almost as if it were being written
especially for us.

JEFF
(Pleasantly)
No wonder he's having so much trouble
with is.


INT. JEFF'S APARTMENT - (NIGHT) - CLOSEUP

A faint shade of disappointment is seen on Lisa's face;
but she quickly recovers and looks down at the table.

LISA
Well, at least you can't say the
dinner isn't right.


INT. JEFF'S APARTMENT - (NIGHT) - CLOSEUP

Jeff looks at her soberly.

JEFF
Lisa, it's perfect
(Looks down at the food,
without enthusiasm)
As always.


INT. JEFF'S APARTMENT - (NIGHT) - CLOSEUP

The brightness drains from Lisa's face, and she lowers
her eyes slowly toward the table.

INT. JEFF'S APARTMENT - (NIGHT) - MEDIUM SHOT

Lisa slowly helping Jeff to lobster from the main dish.

LAP DISSOLVE TO:
REAR WINDOW 38.
Genres: ["Drama","Romance"]

Summary Jeff observes his neighbors while having romantic conversations with Stella and Lisa. Lisa surprises him with a dinner from 21 Club, but Jeff's mood remains subdued.
Strengths "The scene effectively sets a somber mood while introducing subplots involving Jeff's neighbors. The romantic dinner and Lisa's efforts to cheer up Jeff add a touch of warmth to the scene."
Weaknesses "The scene lacks significant plot developments or conflict. Jeff's subdued mood may make it hard for the audience to emotionally invest in his character."

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8


Story Content

Concept: 7

Plot: 6

Originality: 0


Character Development

Characters: 8

Character Changes: 5

Internal Goal: 0

External Goal: 0


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

Opposition: 0

High Stakes: 4

Story Forward: 5

Unpredictability: 0

Philosophical Conflict: 0


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

Dialogue: 7

Engagement: 0

Pacing: 0


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 0

Structure: 0


Critique Overall, this scene is well-written with clear descriptions of the actions and emotions of the characters. However, there are a few areas that could use improvement.

Firstly, the scene could benefit from more descriptive and engaging language. The descriptions of the actions in the scene are clear, but they lack specificity and don't paint a vivid picture in the reader's mind. For example, "His face sobers at what he sees" could be rewritten as "His smile fades and a look of concern creeps over his face."

Secondly, there is some unnecessary repetition of information. For example, the description of the salesman pouring himself a drink is mentioned twice, once in the living room and again in the kitchen. This redundancy could be eliminated to streamline the scene.

Finally, there could be more development of the characters and their motivations. We only see a brief glimpse into the salesman's unhappy marriage, but we don't learn much else about him or any of the other characters in the scene. Giving the characters more depth and complexity would make the scene more engaging and compelling.
Suggestions Overall, the scene could benefit from more action and dialogue to propel the story forward. Here are some suggestions to improve the scene:

1. Start with Jeff looking at something specific in the neighborhood, rather than just exploring it with his eyes. This will create more intrigue and give the audience a clue as to what he's focusing on.

2. Cut between Jeff observing the salesman's apartment and Lisa preparing dinner in Jeff's apartment. This will add more tension and interest to the scene.

3. Give the salesman and his wife more interesting dialogue to make the conflict more dynamic. Perhaps they could argue about something specific, rather than just the quality of the food.

4. Add some dialogue to the scene between Jeff and Lisa to create more character development and depth. Perhaps they could discuss their own relationship or Jeff's injury as it relates to his voyeurism.

5. Consider adding in a visual element to the composer's music to make it more cinematic. This could be a montage of him playing the piano or composing, or shots of the sheet music and notes floating across the screen.

By making these changes, the scene will become more engaging and add to the larger story.



Scene 13 - A heated argument about lifestyles
INT. JEFF'S APARTMENT - (NIGHT) - MEDIUM SHOT

Shooting over Jeff's shoulder we see beyond him the
divan-bed upon which Lisa is stretched out. There is
one light burning, behind Lisa's head. A fierce
discussion is in progress. Lisa gesticulates with her
hands, body and legs.

LISA
There can't be that much difference
between people and the way they live!
We all eat, talk, drink., laugh,
sleep, wear clothes --

Jeff raises both his hands.

JEFF
Well now, look --

Lisa draws back one leg, and points a finger
challengingly.

LISA
If you're saying all this just
because you don't want to tell me the
truth, because you're hiding
something from me, then maybe I can
understand --

JEFF
There's nothing I'm hiding. It's
just that --

LISA
(Won't let him break in)
It doesn't make sense to me. What's
so different about if here from over
there, or any place you go, that one
person couldn't live in both places
just as easily?

JEFF
Some people can. Now if you'll let
me explain --

LISA
(Ignores him)
What is it but travelling from one
place to another, taking pictures?
It's just like being a tourist on an
endless vacation.

JEFF
All right. That's your opinion.
You're entitled to it, but --
REAR WINDOW 39.


LISA
It's ridiculous for you to say that
it can only be done by a special,
private little group of anointed
people.


INT. JEFF'S APARTMENT - (NIGHT) - SEMI-CLOSEUP

Jeff begin to get desperate.

JEFF
I made a simple, but true statement
and I'll back it up, if you'll just
shut up for a minute!


INT. JEFF'S APARTMENT - (NIGHT) - MEDIUM SHOT

Lisa, stretched out on the divan. She looks at him for
a moment without speaking. Then:

LISA
If your opinion is as rude as your
manner, I'm not sure I want to hear
it.

We see Jeff's hand coming to the foreground with a
restraining gesture.

JEFF
(Soothing her)
Lisa, simmer down - will you?

LISA
(Something starts her up
again)
You can't fit in here -- I can't fit
in there. According to you, people
should be born, live an die on the
same --

JEFF
(Loud, sharp)
Lisa! Shut up!

Lisa turns on her side, and stares into the room,
angrily.


INT. JEFF'S APARTMENT - (NIGHT) - SEMI-CLOSEUP

After a moment of silence, Jeff says earnestly:

JEFF
Did you ever eat fish heads and rice?
REAR WINDOW 40.


LISA
Of course not.

JEFF
You might have to, if you went with
me. -- Ever try to keep warm in a C-
54, at fifteen thousand feet, at
twenty below zero?


INT. JEFF'S APARTMENT - (NIGHT) - SEMI-CLOSEUP

Lisa, still looking out into the room, and without
turning, says:

LISA
Oh, I do that all the time. Whenever
I have a few minutes after lunch.

JEFF
Ever get shot at, run over,
sandbagged at night because people
got unfavorable publicity from your
camera?

She doesn't answer, obviously annoyed at the unnecessary
questions.

JEFF
Those high hells would be a lot of
use in the jungle - and those nylons
and six-ounce lingerie --

LISA
(Quickly)
Three.

JEFF
Well, they'd be very stylish in
Finland - just before you froze to
death. Begin to get the idea?

She turns at last, and looks across at him.

LISA
If there's one thing I know, it's how
to wear the proper clothes.


INT. JEFF'S APARTMENT - (NIGHT) - MEDIUM SHOT

SHOOTING OVER LISA'S SHOULDER, and down her body, with
Jeff in the chair beyond. Jeff says, as if remembering
some old experience:
REAR WINDOW 41.


JEFF
Huh? Try and find a raincoat in
Brazil. Even when it isn't raining
(Squints at her)
Lisa, on this job you carry one
suitcase. Your home is the available
transportation. You sleep rarely
bathe even less, and sometime the
food you even look at when they were
alive!

LISA
Jeff, you don't have to be
deliberately repulsive just to
impress me I'm wrong.

JEFF
If anything, I'm making it sound good.
(A thoughtful pause)
Let's face it, Lisa...you aren't made
for that kind of a life. Few people
are.
Genres: ["Romance","Drama"]

Summary Jeff and Lisa have a fierce argument about whether people can easily adapt to different lifestyles. Jeff tries to explain the difficulties of his job, leading to Lisa feeling insulted by his crude descriptions of various cultures. Eventually, Jeff admits that Lisa is not suited for his lifestyle, and they reconcile.
Strengths
  • The dialogue creates tension and illustrates fundamental differences in perspectives between the characters
  • The pacing keeps the argument engaging
Weaknesses
  • The scene could be shorter without losing any significant plot points

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8


Story Content

Concept: 7

Plot: 9

Originality: 0


Character Development

Characters: 8

Character Changes: 6

Internal Goal: 0

External Goal: 0


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

Opposition: 0

High Stakes: 6

Story Forward: 7

Unpredictability: 0

Philosophical Conflict: 0


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

Dialogue: 7

Engagement: 0

Pacing: 0


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 0

Structure: 0


Critique Overall, the scene is well written. The dialogue feels natural and the characters have distinct voices. However, there are a few areas which could be improved.

Firstly, it's unclear what the discussion is about. Although the characters are talking about people who live in different places, the audience isn't given enough information to understand what the characters are talking about or why it's important.

Secondly, the scene feels a little static. There's a lot of back-and-forth dialogue but no real action or movement. This makes the scene feel a little slow and unengaging.

Finally, the scene could benefit from a clearer sense of conflict. Although the characters are disagreeing, their disagreements don't feel particularly high-stakes or emotionally charged. There's no real sense of tension or drama in the scene.

To improve the scene, the writer could consider adding more context to the characters' discussion so that the audience can better understand what's at stake. They could also add more movement or action to make the scene feel more dynamic. Finally, they could heighten the sense of conflict between the characters to create more tension and drama.
Suggestions Firstly, there needs to be more clear and concise dialogue that moves the plot along. The conversation between Jeff and Lisa should be focused on Jeff's job as a photographer, rather than a vague conversation about the differences between people's lifestyles.

Secondly, there needs to be more action and movement in the scene. Instead of Lisa gesticulating with her hands and legs, perhaps she could be packing a bag or getting ready for a trip, giving the conversation more context.

Lastly, there should be more subtext and nuance to each character's dialogue. Jeff's desperation and frustration should be more evident, while Lisa's annoyance and stubbornness should be tempered with empathy and understanding. This would make for a more engaging and dynamic scene overall.



Scene 14 - The Break-Up
INT. JEFF'S APARTMENT - (NIGHT) - CLOSEUP

Lisa realizes she is getting nowhere.

LISA
You're too stubborn to argue with.


INT. JEFF'S APARTMENT - (NIGHT) - CLOSEUP

Jeff, getting angry.

JEFF
I'm not stubborn! I'm truthful!

INT. JEFF'S APARTMENT - (NIGHT) - CLOSEUP

Lisa, with sarcasm.

LISA
I know. A lesser men would have told
me it was one long holiday -- and I
would have awakened to a rude
disillusionment.
REAR WINDOW 42.


INT. JEFF'S APARTMENT - (NIGHT) - CLOSEUP

Jeff is definitely angry.

JEFF
Now if you want to get vicious, I'd
be very happy to accommodate you!


INT. JEFF'S APARTMENT - (NIGHT) - CLOSEUP

Lisa starts to rise from the divan, THE CAMERA PANNING
UP. She moves away from THE CAMERA into the center of
the room, as she says:

LISA
(Wearily)
No - I don't particularly want that.
(She turns, faces him)
So that's it. You won't stay here -
I can't go with you.


INT. JEFF'S APARTMENT - (NIGHT) - CLOSEUP

Jeff looks across at her with some concern.

JEFF
It would be the wrong thing.


INT. JEFF'S APARTMENT - (NIGHT) - MEDIUM SHOT

Lisa, from Jeff's viewpoint.

LISA
You don't think either one of us
could ever change?

JEFF
Right now, it doesn't seem so.

Lisa begins to move around the room assembling her
possessions preparatory to leaving. She puts a comb,
and other effects, into a handbag. She gets her stole.
All this as she talks.

LISA
(Simply)
I'm in love with you. I don't care
what you do for a living. Somehow I
would just like to be part of it.
REAR WINDOW 43.


INT. JEFF'S APARTMENT - (NIGHT) - SEMI-CLOSEUP

Jeff starts to say something then thinks better of it,
and remains silent.


INT. JEFF'S APARTMENT - (NIGHT) - MEDIUM SHOT

Lisa pauses in the act of gathering her things together.

LISA
And it's deflating to find out that
the only way I can be part of it - is
to take out a subscription to your
magazine. -- I guess I'm not the girl
I thought I was.

JEFF
There's nothing wrong with you, Lisa.
You have the town in the palm of your
hand.

LISA
(Looks at Jeff)
Not quite - it seems.
(Tosses a stole over her
shoulder)
Goodbye, Jeff.


INT. JEFF'S APARTMENT - (NIGHT) - CLOSEUP

JEFF
You mean "goodnight."

LISA
I mean what I said.

Jeff's eyes follow her up the steps toward the door. He
calls out to her, impulsively, as we HEAR the SOUND of
the door opening.

JEFF
Lisa!


INT. JEFF'S APARTMENT - (NIGHT) - SEMI-LONG SHOT
Lisa turns in the half-opened door.

JEFF
Can't we just sort of keep things
status quo?

LISA
Without any future?
REAR WINDOW 44.


INT. JEFF'S APARTMENT - (NIGHT) - SEMI LONG SHOT

Jeff tries to be pleasant, and offhand.

JEFF
Well - when'll I see you again?


INT. JEFF'S APARTMENT - (NIGHT) - CLOSEUP

Lisa, standing in the open doorway.

LISA
Not for a long time. Not, at least
until --
(She begins smiling)
-- tomorrow night.

Continues smiling as she close the door softly behind
her.
Genres: ["Drama","Romance"]

Summary Jeff and Lisa have a heated argument about their future together, ending with a realization of their incompatibilities and a heartbreaking breakup.
Strengths "Strong dialogue and emotional tension between Jeff and Lisa"
Weaknesses "Some cliched lines and predictable plot developments"

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 7


Story Content

Concept: 8

Plot: 7

Originality: 0


Character Development

Characters: 7

Character Changes: 7

Internal Goal: 0

External Goal: 0


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

Opposition: 0

High Stakes: 7

Story Forward: 7

Unpredictability: 0

Philosophical Conflict: 0


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

Dialogue: 8

Engagement: 0

Pacing: 0


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 0

Structure: 0


Critique Overall, this scene is well-written and effectively conveys the emotional tension between Jeff and Lisa. The dialogue is believable and the characters' actions match their words. However, there are a few things that could be improved upon.

Firstly, the scene could benefit from more descriptive language to set the visual tone and atmosphere of the apartment. As written, the scene relies heavily on dialogue and close-up shots without giving much context for the physical space. Adding some details about the surroundings could help to immerse the audience more fully in the scene.

Secondly, the pacing of the dialogue could be improved in places. For example, when Lisa tells Jeff that she's in love with him, it might feel more natural for there to be a beat or pause before Jeff responds. This would allow the emotion of the moment to sink in and give the audience time to process the revelation.

Finally, there could be more subtext and layers to the conversation. Jeff and Lisa's relationship is complex, with conflicting desires and emotions at play, and adding more nuance to their words and actions could make the scene more engaging and meaningful. For instance, Lisa's line about taking out a subscription to Jeff's magazine could be interpreted in different ways, and exploring those potential interpretations could deepen the scene.
Suggestions The scene could benefit from more active, specific language and clearer motivation for the characters. Here are some suggestions:

- Give Lisa a clear motivation for wanting to be with Jeff beyond just being in love with him. Perhaps she sees him as a challenge to conquer or wants to break out of her privileged, sheltered life. This will make her pursuit of him more active and interesting to watch.
- Similarly, give Jeff a clear reason for initially resisting Lisa's advances. Is he afraid of commitment or feeling insecure about his profession? This will make his character more nuanced and give the audience a reason to root for him to overcome his obstacles.
- Consider having them argue about something more specific and relevant to their conflict. For example, Lisa could argue that Jeff is too obsessed with his work and neglects their relationship, while Jeff could complain that she doesn't understand his passion and ambition. This will make the argument feel less like generic bickering and more like a genuine debate.
- Include more visual cues to show their emotions and body language. For instance, instead of just saying Jeff is angry, show him clenching his fists or pacing around the room. This will make the scene more dynamic and engaging for the audience.
- Finally, consider having Lisa leave the apartment in a more dramatic or memorable way. Perhaps she slams the door behind her or pauses for a moment to look back at Jeff with regret. This will give the scene a stronger sense of closure and leave a lasting impression on the audience.



Scene 15 - Nocturnal Activities
INT. JEFF'S APARTMENT - (NIGHT) - CLOSEUP

The pleasantness on Jeff's face slowly melts into
baffled discouragement. He reaches for a nearby phone
picks up the receiver, dials. It buzzes on filter.
Receiver up on filter.

GUNNISON
(Filter)
Hello.

JEFF
Gunnison?

GUNNISON
Yeah. Is that you, Jeff?

JEFF
It's me.

GUNNISON
Something wrong?

JEFF
The word is "everything." Now what
time does my plane leave Tuesday?

GUNNISON
(Unhappy)
Jeff ---
REAR WINDOW 45.


JEFF
(Won't give him time to
argue)
I don't care where it goes - just as
long as I'm on it.

GUNNISON
(Wearily, after pause)
Okay. Indo-China. Tuesday. We'll
pick you up.

JEFF
That's more like it. Goodnight, old
buddy.

GUNNISON
Yeah.

Jeff hangs up, looks up to the door through which Lisa
left. He's not particularly happy.


INT. JEFF'S APARTMENT - (NIGHT) - SEMI-CLOSEUP

Jeff returns to the window. He lights a cigarette and
smokes it peacefully, as he contemplates the
neighborhood.


EXT. NEIGHBORHOOD - (NIGHT) - SEMI-LONG SHOT

The CAMERA slowly sweeps over the various apartments
with an odd window lit here and there. In the distant
street there is still some traffic passing, with one or
two pedestrians going by. THE CAMERA completes its
sweep, and starts to move back again. Somewhere a dog
howls. The PANNING CAMERA comes to a sudden halt.


INT. JEFF'S APARTMENT - (NIGHT) - CLOSEUP

Jeff smiles a little, but as the howl continues, his
expressions sobers. His eyes begin to scan the
neighborhood, as if looking for the source. He fails to
find it, and sits there, puzzled and disturbed. The
scene, and the sound of the dog:

FADE OUT:

FADE IN:

INT. JEFF'S APARTMENT - (NIGHT) - SEMI-CLOSEUP

Jeff's chair is turned facing the window so that we see
the darkened room behind him. There is just one side
light burning, which illuminates the side of his face.
REAR WINDOW 46.


His head nods sleepily as he dozes. He opens his eyes
and looks out, as a slight sound of rain starts.


EXT. NEIGHBORHOOD - (NIGHT) - LONG SHOT

From his viewpoint we see the first few drops of rain
starting to fall. It is sort, gentle rain, not a
downpour. There are still some windows lit in the
neighborhood. The apartment house corridors all have
small night lights burning.


INT. JEFF'S APARTMENT - (NIGHT) - CLOSEUP

Jeff wakens a little more fully as his attentions is
drawn to:


EXT. NEIGHBORHOOD - (NIGHT) - MEDIUM SHOT

The couple who sleep on the fire escape. The increasing
rain cause them to hastily gather their things to
retreat inside. The man, hurriedly untying the alarm
clock from the railing of the fire escape, lets it slip
through his fingers. As if falls to the garden below,
the CAMERA FANS SWIFTLY down with it. When the clock
hits the ground, the alarm goes off sending a shrill
sound through the neighborhood.


INT. JEFF'S APARTMENT - (NIGHT) - CLOSEUP

Jeff smiles at the incident, and then lowers his eyes
slightly as something else catches his attention.


EXT. NEIGHBORHOOD - (NIGHT) - MEDIUM SHOT

Coming out of his apartment into the corridor on the
floor below is the salesman with the nagging wife. The
shades are drawn in his apartment, but a light burns
dimly behind them. The salesman carries a large
aluminum suitcase - the same one we saw him with earlier
in the day. The sound of the alarm startles him. He
turns toward the window a moment listening. Then
reassured that is is nothing important, he turns and
moves down the corridor.


INT. JEFF'S APARTMENT - (NIGHT) - CLOSEUP

Jeff is puzzled. He looks down a moment in thought.
Then he forts his eyes and swings them toward the left.
He looks steadily toward the distant street corner.
REAR WINDOW 47.


EXT. NEIGHBORHOOD - (NIGHT) - SEMI-LONG SHOT

The street corner, lighted by a lamp, is deserted. A
moment later, the salesman, still carrying the suitcase,
moves diagonally across the corner, head down against
the rain.


INT. JEFF'S APARTMENT - (NIGHT) - SEMI-CLOSEUP

Jeff looks wonderingly at this nocturnal activity. Then
he looks down at his wristwatch.

INSERT

Jeff's watch reads 1:55.

QUICK FADE OUT:

QUICK FADE IN:

INSERT

The watch now reads 2:35.


INT. JEFF'S APARTMENT - (NIGHT) - CLOSEUP

More puzzled, allows his eyes to travel from the street
to the apartment corridor.


EXT. NEIGHBORHOOD - (NIGHT) - MEDIUM SHOT

The salesman is see coming down the corridor to his
apartment, still carrying the aluminum case. He quickly
enters his apartment door in a business-like manner.


INT. JEFF'S APARTMENT - (NIGHT) - CLOSEUP

Jeff starts to assume a thoughtful air, when he is
startled by a light which falls across his face from the
right. He looks toward the light.
Genres: ["Drama","Mystery","Thriller"]

Summary Jeff makes a phone call to his friend, Gunnison, to book a plane ticket for a work trip to Indo-China. He then observes his neighbors in their apartments and the neighborhood as it starts to rain. A couple on a fire escape gather their things and a salesman returns to his apartment with an aluminum suitcase. Jeff becomes increasingly puzzled and watches the salesman leave his apartment again at 2:35 am, which startles him.
Strengths "The tension builds through the mysterious actions of the salesman, making the audience curious as to what is going on. The use of the rain and nighttime setting amplify the tone and atmosphere. The scene effectively adds to the overall suspense of the film. "
Weaknesses "The scene is slow-paced and lacks significant character development or dialogue to drive the story forward. It may feel like filler to some viewers."

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8


Story Content

Concept: 9

Plot: 8

Originality: 0


Character Development

Characters: 7

Character Changes: 2

Internal Goal: 0

External Goal: 0


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 5

Opposition: 0

High Stakes: 7

Story Forward: 6

Unpredictability: 0

Philosophical Conflict: 0


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 4

Dialogue: 6

Engagement: 0

Pacing: 0


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 0

Structure: 0


Critique Overall, the scene is well-written and engaging. The use of specific details in the descriptions, such as the apartment corridors with night lights burning and the salesman's aluminum suitcase, add depth to the setting and characters. The contrast between the peaceful rain and the sudden shrill sound of the alarm clock also adds tension to the scene.

However, there could be some improvements in character development. While Jeff's emotions are described well through his facial expressions, there could be more dialogue or actions that show his thoughts and motivations. This would give the audience a better understanding of Jeff's character and make him more relatable.

Additionally, the scene could benefit from more varied camera angles and shots to keep the visual storytelling dynamic. Overall, though, this is a solid scene that effectively sets up the tension and intrigue for what's to come.
Suggestions Here are a few suggestions to improve this scene:

1. Establish the stakes: Right now, it's not entirely clear why Jeff is so discouraged and why he's booking a flight to Indo-China. Adding a few lines of dialogue to establish the stakes and why Jeff needs to leave would make the scene more engaging for the audience.

2. Establish character motivation: Similarly, we're not entirely clear why Jeff is so interested in the nocturnal activities of his neighbors. Adding a line or two to establish why Jeff is so invested in observing his neighbors would make his actions more compelling.

3. Increase tension: Right now, the scene is fairly slow-paced, with Jeff watching his neighbors and nothing much happening. To make the scene more engaging, consider increasing the tension by adding in something unexpected or thrilling. For example, perhaps Jeff sees something suspicious happening in one of the apartments that raises his alarm.

4. Vary shot types: The scene consists primarily of closeups and medium shots. Varying the shot types and angles could make the scene more visually interesting. Consider incorporating wide shots, low-angle shots, or even extreme closeups to create visual interest.

5. Use sound to enhance mood: The sound of the rain and the dog howling are nice touches, but incorporating more sound effects and music could help to create a mood and enhance the overall emotion of the scene. For example, adding in a suspenseful soundtrack could increase tension and make the scene more engaging.



Scene 16 - Observations in the Night
EXT. NEIGHBORHOOD - (NIGHT) - MEDIUM SHOT

The light comes from the song-writer's apartment. His
door is open, and he is hanging onto the door frame, his
hand still on the light switch. He surveys his
apartment. He appears rather drunk. He comes into the
apartment, closes the door behind him, and sways a
little. He wears a hat, pushed back on his forehead,
and no raincoat. His clothes are quite wet. He might
have even fallen.
REAR WINDOW 48.


He looks disgustedly at the piano, then lurches toward
it. There is no doubt now as the state of his
drunkenness. At the piano he viciously sweeps all the
note paper off the music stand. This seems to give him
some satisfaction, but he loses his balance, twists
sideway, and fall into a nearby chair. He remains
there, bleary-eyed and a little sick.


INT. JEFF'S APARTMENT - (NIGHT) - SEMI-CLOSEUP

What he has observed seems to give Jeff an idea. He
moves his wheelchair backward and to the lift alongside
the side board. Awkwardly, with his left hand, he
reaches up for a bottle of whiskey. He cradles the
bottle in his lap, and reaches for a tumbler. He then
wheels back to the window, and pours himself a good,
long drink. He lifts up the glass, starts to drink, but
something happening beyond his window startles him and
he stops in the middle of his drink, his eyes a little
wider then usual.


EXT. NEIGHBORHOOD - NIGHT - SEMI-LONG SHOT

The salesman is again leaving his apartment with his
aluminum suitcase.


INT. JEFF'S APARTMENT - NIGHT - CLOSEUP

Jeff's eyes travel down to the street.


EXT. NEIGHBORHOOD - NIGHT - SEMI-LONG SHOT

A brief moment or two. Then the salesman, carrying his
aluminum case, crosses the street.


INT. JEFF'S APARTMENT - NIGHT - CLOSEUP
Jeff's face is expressionless. He just stares.

FADE OUT.

FADE IN:

INT. JEFF'S APARTMENT - NIGHT - CLOSEUP

Jeff's head is nodding and dozing again. The side light
from the song-writer's apartment is no longer on his
face. Jeff's eyes open, then his head comes up quickly,
trying to clear the sleep from his mind, as he remembers
the object of his vigilance.
REAR WINDOW 49.


EXT. NEIGHBORHOOD - NIGHT - MEDIUM SHOT

The salesman's apartment shows the shades drawn and a
dim light burning behind them. The CAMERA PANS to the
empty corridor.


INT. JEFF'S APARTMENT - NIGHT - CLOSEUP

Jeff's eyes turn sharply in the direction of the street.


EXT. NEIGHBORHOOD - NIGHT - SEMI-LONG SHOT

The street is deserted. At the right hand side of the
screen a light goes on. THE CAMERA PANS OVER and we see
that Miss Torso has returned from her date. She is
wearing a three-quarter length coat over her evening
dress. She is inside, with the door two-thirds closes,
but she leans out to kiss someone goodnight. Then is
takes some coaxing to get the door completely closed.
She turns the key in the lock. She listens a moment
then comes to the center of the room. She takes her
coat off and drapes it over chair. She removes the
screen in front of the ice box, then opens the ice box.
She searches it for something to eat; finds a big piece
of pumpkin pie. She closes the ice box. She starts to
eat the pie as she moves in the direction of the
bathroom. Stopping a moment, she puts the piece of pie
on a table, and proceeds to take off her dress. Undoing
the zippers, she slides it over her head as she passes
into the bathroom. The dress is thrown on a nearby
chair, and the bare arm picks up a piece of pie. She is
now in the bathroom. We see her slip down the brassiere
straps, but the window does not permit us to see any
lower. As she munches on the pie, she pulls out a few
holding up her hair, which she proceeds to brush
rhythmically. She turns and moves down her bare back.


INT. JEFF'S APARTMENT - NIGHT - CLOSEUP
Jeff's eyes suddenly switch to the street.


EXT. NEIGHBORHOOD - NIGHT - SEMI LONG SHOT

We catch a quick glimpse of the salesman, just passing
the alleyway, suitcase in hand. The CAMERA PANS across
the ballet dancer's apartment, over to the salesman's
apartment. It waits, until he appears in the corridor.
He enters his apartment.
REAR WINDOW 50.


INT. JEFF'S APARTMENT - NIGHT - CLOSEUP

Jeff sits in his wheelchair, looking quietly out at the
neighborhood, sleep beginning to take hold on him again.


EXT. NEIGHBORHOOD - NIGHT - LONG SHOT

THE CAMERA PANS slightly over the whole of the
neighborhood. The lights in Miss Torso's apartment snap
out. Only one light remains. It burns behind the drawn
shades of the salesman's apartment.

FADE OUT:

FADE IN:

INT. JEFF'S APARTMENT - DAWN - CLOSEUP

A big head of Jeff. He is still in his wheelchair,
sound asleep. The CAMERA PANS off his face, out through
the window. The rain has stopped, and the general light
of dawn is coming up. The CAMERA COMES TO REST on the
salesman's apartment and corridor, which is still dimly
lit by the electric lights. We see the salesman emerge
into the corridor, pause a moment to allow a woman to
proceed him. Her back is to the CAMERA and we do not
see her face. They move away, down the corridor. The
CAMERA PANS BACK into Jeff's sleeping face.

FADE OUT:

FADE IN:

EXT. NEIGHBORHOOD - DAY - LONG SHOT

It is now mid-morning. The sun is shining. Miss Torso
is practicing her dance to the sound of ballet music.
We can hear the song-writer at work, but the thing that
attracts our attention mostly, is some action that
emanates from the fire escape where the couple sleep at
night. On a long rope, the woman is lowering an open
wicker basket in which sits a small dot. When is
reaches the yard below, the CAMERA PANNING DOWN, the
dog steps out and runs off to explore the yard. The
woman pulls up the basket, and leaves it on the fire
escape. The CAMERA PULL BACK into Jeff's apartment
where Stella is busy massaging Jeff's back at he lies
face down on the divan.

STELLA
You'd think the rain would have
cooled things off. All it did was
make the heat wet.

Stella hits a sore muscle in Jeff's back. He jumps.
REAR WINDOW 51.


JEFF
That's a stiff one.
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary Jeff observes his neighbors in their apartments while arguing with Lisa and ultimately breaking up with her. He then becomes increasingly puzzled by the actions of a salesman in the building. The scene ends with Jeff falling asleep and waking up the next morning to witness some neighborhood action.
Strengths "The scene builds tension well with the focus on the salesman's mysterious actions. There is a sense of unease and danger underlying the observing and spying in the neighborhood. "
Weaknesses "The dialogue feels a bit disjointed and forced at times, particularly in the argument between Jeff and Lisa. The scene also meanders a bit without a clear sense of direction or purpose. "

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9


Story Content

Concept: 9

Plot: 9

Originality: 0


Character Development

Characters: 8

Character Changes: 7

Internal Goal: 0

External Goal: 0


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

Opposition: 0

High Stakes: 7

Story Forward: 8

Unpredictability: 0

Philosophical Conflict: 0


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

Dialogue: 7

Engagement: 0

Pacing: 0


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 0

Structure: 0


Critique Overall, this scene seems to be lacking in purpose. While it offers some insight into the state of the songwriter and Jeff's vigilance, it doesn't move the story forward or provide any clear conflict or tension. The action is also very passive and observational, which can make for a less engaging scene for the audience. Additionally, there are some confusing transitions, such as the sudden jump from Jeff observing the salesman to Miss Torso preparing pie in her apartment. The language used to describe the actions of the characters is also somewhat dull and lacking in detail, which could make it difficult for the actors to bring their characters to life on screen. Overall, this scene could benefit from some clearer purpose and more active, engaging action.
Suggestions Here are some suggestions for improving this scene:

1. Add more specific actions and dialogue to show the characters' emotions and motivations. Right now, the scene relies too much on description and not enough on character development. For example, what does the songwriter say or do to indicate that he is disgusted with the piano? What is Jeff thinking or feeling as he watches the salesman leave his apartment?

2. Use more visual and sensory details to create a vivid image of the setting. Right now, the scene is somewhat sparse in terms of description. Adding more details about the lighting, the sound, and the physical surroundings could help bring the scene to life.

3. Tighten up the pacing of the scene. There are several moments where not much is happening, and the dialogue and actions are repetitive and don't add much to the overall story. Consider cutting or condensing these moments to keep the scene moving forward.

4. Consider adding more conflict or tension to the scene to keep the audience engaged. Right now, the scene feels somewhat flat and uneventful. Adding a conflict or obstacle that the characters must overcome could make it more interesting.

5. Use the scene to further the overall plot and character development. While this scene has some interesting details and moments, it doesn't seem to contribute much to the overall story or characters. Consider how this scene could be used to reveal more about the characters, move the plot forward, or create a sense of momentum and tension in the story.



Scene 17 - Jeff and Stella Observe the Suspicious Salesman
INT. JEFF'S APARTMENT - DAY - MEDIUM SHOT

A low camera has Jeff's head on the foreground, with
Stella just behind him, at work on his back. She
attacks the sore muscle vigorously.

STELLA
The insurance Company would be a lot
happier if you slept in your bed, not
the wheelchair.

JEFF
(Between clenched teeth)
How did you know!

STELLA
Eyes bloodshot. Must have been
staring out the window for hours.

JEFF
I was.

STELLA
(Massaging harder)
What'll you do if one of them catches
you?

JEFF
Depends one which one.

She stops massaging, reaches for the oil.

JEFF
Now Miss Torso, for example --

Stella hits his back with a palmful of cold oil. It
takes his breath.

STELLA
Keep your mind off her.

JEFF
She's real eat, drink and be merry
girl.

STELLA
And she'll end up fat, alcoholic and
miserable.

JEFF
Speaking of misery, Miss Lonely
Hearts drank herself to sleep again.
REAR WINDOW 52.


JEFF (cont'd)
Alone.

STELLA
Poor girl. Someday she'll find her
happiness.

JEFF
And some man will lose his.

STELLA
Isn't there anyone in the
neighborhood who might cast an eye in
her direction?

JEFF
Well, the salesman could be available
soon.

STELLA
(Interested in the scandal)
He and his wife splitting up?

JEFF
It's hard to figure. He went out
several time last night, in the rain
carrying his sample case.

STELLA
(So?)
Isn't he a salesman?

JEFF
Now what could he sell at three in
the morning?

STELLA
(Shrugs)
Flashlights. Luminous dials for
watches. House numbers that light up.

JEFF
He was taking something out of the
apartment. I'm certain.

She helps him to a sitting position.

STELLA
His personal effects. He's probably
running away - the coward.

JEFF
Sometimes it's worse to stay than it
is to run.
REAR WINDOW 53.


STELLA
(Looks at him)
But it takes a particularly low type
of man to do it.

Jeff turns his head away for a moment. She helps him
into the chair. Hands him his shirt, which he proceeds
to put on. The back of his chair is to the window.

STELLA
(Putting oil and power away)
What about this morning? Any
developments?

JEFF
No. The shades are still drawn in
their apartment.

STELLA
(stops)
In this heat?
(Turns, looks over his
shoulder)
They're up now.


INT. JEFF'S APARTMENT - DAY - SEMI-CLOSEUP

He quickly turns his wheelchair around to the window
until he is in profile.


EXT. NEIGHBORHOOD - DAY - SEMI-LONG SHOT

The salesman, having just raised the shades in the
living room, is now looking out the window. It is not
a casual look, but a long, careful, searching appraisal
of all the apartment house windows in his neighborhood,
starting from his left to his right. His eyes move
closer toward Jeff's apartment.


INT. JEFF'S APARTMENT - DAY - MEDIUM SHOT
Jeff in his chair, facing the window, Stella beside
him. Jeff nearly knocks the startled Stella off her
feet with his arm.

JEFF
Get back! Out of sight! Quick!

He propels his chair backward quickly, and Stella moves
to the side with surprising agility. They are both in
shadow.
REAR WINDOW 54.


STELLA
(A startled whisper)
What is it? What's the matter?

Jeff keeps his eyes trained on the window.

JEFF
(Quietly)
The salesman's looking out his window.

Stella relaxes, gives Jeff a disgusted look, and starts
to move out of the shadows.

STELLA
A Federal offense.

JEFF
(Sharply)
Get back there! He'll see you!

She moves back into the shadows.

STELLA
I'm not shy. I've been looked at
before.

JEFF
(Still peering toward
window)
It's not an ordinary look. It's the
kind of look a man gives when he's
afraid somebody might be watching him.
Genres: ["Drama","Suspense"]

Summary Jeff and Stella discuss the neighbors in their apartment building. When Jeff notices the salesman acting suspiciously, he urges Stella to hide from his view.
Strengths "The tension is well-built, making the audience curious about the suspicious salesman. The dialogue between Jeff and Stella is witty and lively, offering insight into their personalities. "
Weaknesses "Not much new information is revealed in the scene, aside from the odd behavior of one neighbor. It is also somewhat slow-moving."

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8


Story Content

Concept: 7

Plot: 8

Originality: 0


Character Development

Characters: 7

Character Changes: 5

Internal Goal: 0

External Goal: 0


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

Opposition: 0

High Stakes: 7

Story Forward: 7

Unpredictability: 0

Philosophical Conflict: 0


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

Dialogue: 8

Engagement: 0

Pacing: 0


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 0

Structure: 0


Critique As a screenwriting expert, I would say that this scene in "Rear Window" is well-written and effective. The dialogue between Jeff and Stella conveys important information about the characters and the plot in a natural and engaging way. Their conversation reveals both their personalities and their relationships with each other, as well as contributing to the overall tension and suspense of the film.

The use of camera angles and blocking is also well done, with the movement of Stella and Jeff's wheelchair creating a sense of urgency and danger as they try to avoid being seen by the salesman. The shifting between different shots and perspectives also helps to maintain the audience's attention and engagement.

Overall, this scene is an excellent example of effective screenwriting, with strong dialogue, effective use of visual storytelling, and well-developed characters and plot.
Suggestions The scene lacks tension. To improve it, there needs to be a greater sense of danger and urgency. Here are a few suggestions:

- Add more detail about why Jeff is so nervous about being caught. Is he spying on someone he shouldn't be? Does he have a criminal past that he's hiding? The audience needs to understand what's at stake.
- Make the massage scene shorter - it feels like it goes on for too long and doesn't contribute much to the story.
- Use lighting and camera angles to create more tension. For example, as Jeff and Stella hide in the shadows, the salesman could be shown getting closer and closer to their apartment, with each shot getting darker and more claustrophobic.
- Add some dialogue between Jeff and Stella that reveals their relationship and adds emotional depth to the scene. Right now, their conversation is pretty superficial. Maybe Stella could express some concern for Jeff, or Jeff could confide in her about what he's been spying on.



Scene 18 - Salesman's Suspicious Actions
EXT. NEIGHBORHOOD - DAY - SEMI-LONG SHOT

The salesman completes his searching glance at the
neighborhood. Then something directly below his window
catches his attention. He looks sharply downward, his
body visibly tensing.


INT. JEFF'S APARTMENT - DAY - MEDIUM SHOT
Jeff, with a restraining hand to Stella, begins to edge
his chair cautiously forward so that he can see what the
salesman is looking at.


EXT. NEIGHBORHOOD - DAY - SEMI-LONG SHOT

THE CAMERA MOVES FORWARD, and as it reaches the edge of
the window, PANS DOWN and shows us what the salesman is
looking at. The little dog that was lowered in the
basket is sniffing at the salesman's personal flower bed.
REAR WINDOW 55.


INT. JEFF'S APARTMENT - DAY - CLOSEUP

Jeff's eyes move up quickly to look at the salesman.


EXT. NEIGHBORHOOD - SEMI-LONG SHOT - (DAY)

The salesman leans forward and grips the window sill as
he watches the dog. The CAMERA PANS DOWN and we now see
that the old lady with the hearing aid is leaning over
the fence admonishing the dog. We can faintly hear her
voice saying something to the effect that he'll get into
trouble. The dog turns to glance at her and apparently
taking heed, moves away. The old lady is wearing a
faded house-robe.


INT. JEFF'S APARTMENT - CLOSEUP - (DAY)

Jeff is amused at the dog incident. Behind him, Stella
moves to the center of the room, saying:

STELLA
Goodbye, Mr. Jefferies. I'll see you
tomorrow.

JEFF
(Grunts)
Uh-huh.

She begins putting her equipment back into her black
bag. Jeff's eyes lift to the salesman's apartment, and
the amusement drains from his face. He leans forward a
little, tensely.


EXT. NEIGHBORHOOD - SEMI-LONG SHOT - (DAY)

The salesman has his aluminum case on the table near the
center of the room. He is carefully wiping out the
interior with dust cloth.


INT. JEFF'S APARTMENT - SEMI-CLOSEUP - (DAY)
Jeff watching intently. Stella putting the last of her
things into her bag.

STELLA
And don't sleep in the chair again.

Jeff continues to what the salesman, his face showing a
great concentration of thought.

JEFF
Uh-huh.
REAR WINDOW 56.


Stella picks up her bag, stares at Jeff's back a moment,
then starts for the door.

STELLA
Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Great
conversationalist.

Jeff swings half-way around in his chair just as Stella
reaches the top of the steps.

JEFF
Stella

She turns around. Jeff points to a coat-stand near the
door.

JEFF
(Goes on quickly)
Will you take those binoculars out of
the case and bring them to me.

She puts down her bag, reaches for the binoculars, takes
them out the case. She comes down the stairs, brings
them to him. He immediately swings to the window, and
lifts them to his eyes. Stella sniffs, then goes to the
door, as she says:

STELLA
Trouble. I cam smell it. I'll be
glad when they crack that cast, and
I get out of here.

As Stella goes out the door, the CAMERA MOVES IN until
Jeff's head, and the binoculars, are filling the screen.


EXT. NEIGHBORHOOD - SEMI-LONG SHOT - (DAY)

The salesman has completed his cleaning of the case. He
is in the act of placing it on the floor. He turns and
again glances out of the window.


INT. JEFF'S APARTMENT - CLOSEUP - (DAY)
Jeff quickly lowers the binoculars and edges back a few
inches. He watches a moment, then cautiously lifts the
binoculars again.


EXT. NEIGHBORHOOD - SEMI-LONG SHOT - (DAY)

The man is now moving out of the living room, and the
binoculars PAN him though to the small kitchen which is
seen through a side window.
REAR WINDOW 57.


The man starts to busy himself in this kitchen with his
back to us, but the image is very unsatisfactory.


INT. JEFF'S APARTMENT - DAY - SEMI-CLOSEUP

Jeff lowers the binoculars and there is an expression of
exasperation on his face. He throws the binoculars
down, and then looks about him. He backs his chair up
quickly toward the main cabinet on his left. He leans
down, opens a cupboard door and takes out a long-focus
lens. Then from a shelf above he takes a small Exacta
camera. He quickly take off the existing lens and puts
on the telephoto lens in its place. He wheels himself
back to the window and raises the camera to his eye.


EXT. NEIGHBORHOOD - DAY - CLOSE SHOT

Through the view-finder of the camera, we are now
brought into close proximity with the salesman in his
little kitchen. His back is still to us. He half-turns
and takes a used newspaper. He spreads it open, along
the drainboard. From the sink he takes out a large
butcher's knife, and a long, narrow saw. They disappear
from sight as he lays them on the newspaper and proceeds
to wrap them up. Having completed his job, he emerges
from the kitchen carrying the newspaper-wrapped parcel.
For a moment he is lost behind the wall that separates
the kitchen recess from the living room. He does not
reappear for a moment.


INT. JEFF'S APARTMENT - DAY - CLOSEUP

Jeff lowers the camera for a moment, and watches
tensely. Suddenly he puts it up to his eye again.


EXT. NEIGHBORHOOD - DAY - CLOSE SHOT

Half of a man's body is now seen in the living room.
Then the salesman turns and moves to the center of the
room. He is not carrying anything. He sits down on a
couch, with a display of fatigue. He yawns and
stretches out of sight at full length on the couch.


INT. JEFF'S APARTMENT - DAY - CLOSEUP
Jeff lowers the camera. He watches the living room for
a moment. Then his eye travel briefly back to the
kitchen; then return to the living room. His brow knits
a little as we:

FADE OUT
REAR WINDOW 58.


FADE IN:
Genres: ["Mystery","Suspense","Drama"]

Summary Jeff observes suspicious behavior from a salesman in his apartment building, specifically his interest in a dog and peculiar actions in his kitchen
Strengths "The tension and mystery surrounding the salesman's actions is well executed, keeping the audience engaged in the story and curious about what will happen next. The subtle movements of the characters and setting help add to the scene's tone."
Weaknesses "The lack of any significant dialogue or character development may be a weakness for some viewers. It may also be frustrating for some that no clear resolution is reached in this scene."