Good Will Hunting

Genres: Drama, Comedy, Romance, Action, Crime, null



Summary Good Will Hunting is a poignant movie about Will, a gifted young man who works as a janitor at MIT and hides his mathematical abilities. The film delves into his traumatic past and his struggles with relationships with the help of therapy from his professor and therapist, Sean. Will ultimately overcomes his traumas and decides to work for a prestigious company, parting ways with Sean. The film explores themes of love, trust, and reaching one's potential, and ends with closure as Will drives off into the sunset with the happiness of Sean's letter and a piece of paper for help if needed.





Summary of Scene Level Analysis

Scene Strengths
  • The scene effectively captures Will's inner turmoil
  • Powerful dialogue and acting that exposes the insecurities and vulnerabilities of the characters
  • Well-written dialogue and strong performances from the actors
  • Engaging dialogue, subtle character development
  • The scene provides a sense of closure and emotional resolution, leaving a lasting impactful image of the car disappearing into the horizon
Scene Weaknesses
  • Lack of clear conflict or escalation
  • Scene lacks significant plot development, and emotional impact
  • The scene does not advance the plot significantly
  • The dialogue feels somewhat unrealistic at times
  • Low conflict, lack of emotional depth
Suggestions
  • Focus on building consistent and strong conflict throughout the screenplay
  • Enhance subplots and side characters to provide additional depth and dimension to the story
  • Revise and improve dialogue to feel more natural and authentic
  • Consider trimming or combining unnecessary scenes to improve pacing and plot development
  • Work on crafting emotionally impactful scenes that connect with the audience

Note: This is the synthesis. See scene by scene analysis here


How scenes compare to the Scripts in our Library

Note: The ratings are the averages of all the scenes.
Title
Grade
Percentile Before After
Dialogue 8.4  93 Suits: 8.3 Good Will Hunting: 8.4
Characters 8.3  63 Thor: 8.2 Good Will Hunting: 8.3
Emotional Impact 7.1  36 Suits: 7.0 Good Will Hunting: 7.1
Overall 8.1  30 Fear and loathing in Las Vegas: 8.0 Good Will Hunting: 8.1
Concept 7.5  21 The whale: 7.4 heathers : 7.5
Plot 7.3  6 Boyz n the hood: 7.2 Good Will Hunting: 7.3
Conflict Level 5.9  5 The apartment: 5.6 Good Will Hunting: 5.9



See the full analysis by clicking the title.

1 The Cat Story 7 7 6 8 03005 7
2 M.I.T. Class and Rooftop Reunion 7 8 5 6 04005 6
3 Boys at the Park and Lambeau at MIT 5 3 4 5 02003 6
4 Fast food and a street confrontation 6 5 6 6 08005 7
5 The Fight 8 7 7 8 010009 6
6 Mystery Math Magician Strikes Again 7 7 7 8 06005 6
7 Intelligence vs. Education 9 8 7 9 08007 10
8 Skylar Gives Will her Number 8 9 8 9 04007 9
9 Lambeau seeks help from Terry and Will appears in court 8 7 9 8 09007 8
10 Probation and Psychology 8 9 8 9 07008 8
11 The Psychologist's Truth 8 8 7 8 07008 9
12 Proving the Rectangle 8 8 7 8 04005 8
13 Hypnotic Regression 8 7 7 8 05006 9
14 Sean Maguire's Resignation 7 6 7 8 05006 7
15 Reunion and First Date 8 8 7 9 03006 8
16 untitled 0 0 0 0 00000 0
17 Sean and Will's First Meeting 8 9 7 8 010008 9
18 Meeting Again 8 7 8 9 04006 7
19 The Truth Hurts 10 9 8 10 070010 10
20 A Night Out with Friends 7 6 6 8 03005 7
21 Imperfections and Love 9 8 7 9 04008 10
22 untitled 0 0 0 0 00000 0
23 Regret and Love 9 8 9 10 040010 10
24 Math Proofs and Pillow Talk 9 8 8 9 06007 10
25 The Irish Joke 8 7 6 7 03004 9
26 Career Opportunities 8 9 7 7 06005 8
27 The Debate 7 8 6 7 09006 8
28 Negotiation for Retainer 8 9 7 8 010007 9
29 Organic Chemistry Lessons 9 8 8 9 04008 10
30 Chuckie and Skylar's Conversation 8 7 6 8 03005 9
31 Will sets the proof on fire 9 8 8 10 0100011 9
32 The Breakup 10 9 10 10 0100010 10
33 Job Interviews and Goodbyes 8 7 8 8 060010 9
34 Unease at the Office 7 6 7 7 04005 8
35 A Challenge to Life 9 7 9 9 09009 10
36 Will's Battle 8 7 8 8 07006 7
37 The Confrontation 8 7 7 9 08009 9
38 The Argument 9 8 9 9 0110010 10
39 Emotional Breakthrough 9 7 7 9 040011 9
40 Will's Birthday Present 8 7 7 9 04005 8
41 Saying Goodbye 9 8 9 9 03009 10
42 untitled 0 0 0 0 00000 0
43 Happiness and Closure 8 7 8 7 02009 7


Scene 1 - The Cat Story
GOOD WILL HUNTING

by

Matt Damon & Ben Affleck
FADE IN:


EXT. SOUTH BOSTON ST. PATRICK'S DAY PARADE -- DAY

CUT TO:


INT. L STREET BAR & GRILLE, SOUTH BOSTON -- EVENING

The bar is dirty, more than a little run down. If there is ever
a cook on duty, he's not here now. As we pan across several
empty tables, we can almost smell the odor of last nights beer
and crushed pretzels on the floor.

CHUCKIE
Oh my God, I got the most fucked up
thing I been meanin' to tell you.

As the camera rises, we find FOUR YOUNG MEN seated around a
table near the back of the bar.

ALL
Oh Jesus. Here we go.

The guy holding court is CHUCKIE SULLIVAN, 20, and the largest
of the bunch. He is loud, boisterous, a born entertainer. Next
to him is WILL HUNTING, 20, handsome and confident, a soft-
spoken leader. On Will's right sits BILLY MCBRIDE, 22, heavy,
quiet, someone you definitely wouldn't want to tangle with.
Finally there is MORGAN O'MALLY, 19, smaller than the other
guys. Wiry and anxious, Morgan listens to Chuckie's horror
stories with eager disgust.

All four boys speak with thick Boston accents. This is a rough,
working class Irish neighborhood and these boys are its product.

CHUCKIE
You guys know my cousin Mikey Sullivan?

ALL
Yeah.

CHUCKIE
Well you know how he loves animals
right? Anyway, last week he's drivin'
home... (laughs)

ALL
What? Come on!

CHUCKIE
(trying not to laugh)
I'm sorry, 'cause you know Mikey, the
fuckin guy loves animals, and this is
the last person you'd want this to
happen to.
WILL
Chuckie, what the fuck happened?

CHUCKIE
Okay. He's driving along and this
fuckin' cat jumps in front of his car,
and so he hits this cat--

Chuckie is really laughing now.

MORGAN
--That isn't funny--

CHUCKIE
--and he's like "shit! Motherfucker!"
And he looks in his rearview and sees
this cat-- I'm sorry--

BILLY
Fuckin' Chuckie!

CHUCKIE
So he sees this cat tryin to make it
across the street and it's not lookin'
so good.

WILL
It's walkin' pretty slow at this point.

MORGAN
You guys are fuckin' sick.

CHUCKIE
So Mikey's like "Fuck, I gotta put this
thing out of its misery"--So he gets a
hammer--

WILL/MORGAN/BILLY
OH!

CHUCKIE
--out of his tool box, and starts
chasin' the cat and starts whackin' it
with the hammer. You know, tryin' to put
the thing out of its misery.

MORGAN
Jesus.

CHUCKIE
And all the time he's apologizin' to the
cat, goin' "I'm sorry." BANG, "I'm
sorry." BANG!

BILLY
Like it can understand.
CHUCKIE
And this Samoan guy comes runnin' out of
his house and he's like "What the fuck
are you doing to my cat?!" Mikey's like
"I'm sorry"--BANG--" I hit your cat with
my truck, and I'm just trying to put it
out of it's misery"-- BANG! And the cat
dies. So Mikey's like "Why don't you
come look at the front of the truck."
'Cause the other guy's all fuckin
flipped out about--

WILL
Watching his cat get brained.

Morgan gives Will a look, but Will only smiles.

CHUCKIE
Yeah, so he's like "Check the front of
my truck, I can prove I hit it 'cause
there's probably some blood or
something"--

WILL
--or a tail--

MORGAN
WILL!

CHUCKIE
And so they go around to the front of
his truck...and there's another cat on
the grille.

WILL/MORGAN/BILLY
No! Ugh!

CHUCKIE
Is that unbelievable? He brained an
innocent cat!

BLACKOUT:


The opening credits roll over a series of shots of the city and
the real people who live and work there, going about their daily
lives.

We see a panoramic view of South Boston.

Will sits in his apartment, walls completely bare. A bed, a
small night table and an empty basket adorn the room. A stack
of twenty or so LIBRARY BOOKS sit by his bed. He is flipping
through a book at about a page a second.

Chuckie stands on the porch to Will's house. His Caddilac idles
by the curb. Will comes out and they get in the car.
We travel across crowded public housing and onto downtown.
Finally, we gaze across the river and onto the great cement-
domed buildings that make up the M.I.T. campus.

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Comedy","Drama"]

Summary Four friends sit at a dirty, rundown bar and share a story about a guy who hits a cat with his car, tries to put it out of its misery with a hammer, and ends up with two dead cats on his hands. The story is grotesque and horrifying, but the friends find it hilarious.
Strengths "The scene establishes the rough, working-class setting and the characters' personalities through their dialogue and actions. The humor is dark and twisted, adding depth to the characters' relationships."
Weaknesses "The scene doesn't advance the plot much and could be seen as gratuitous."

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 7


Story Content

Concept: 7

Plot: 6

Originality: 0


Character Development

Characters: 8

Character Changes: 0

Internal Goal: 0

External Goal: 0


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 3

Opposition: 0

High Stakes: 0

Story Forward: 0

Unpredictability: 0

Philosophical Conflict: 0


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 5

Dialogue: 7

Engagement: 0

Pacing: 0


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 0

Structure: 0


Critique Overall, the scene is well-written and sets up the characters and setting effectively. The dialogue is natural, with the characters speaking in thick Boston accents that add to the authenticity of the scene. The use of humor and dark subject matter, such as animal cruelty, creates a tone that is both lighthearted and unsettling.

One potential critique is that the scene may not be necessary for the overall plot of the film, as it does not directly advance the main story. Additionally, some viewers may be uncomfortable with the topic of animal cruelty, which could turn them off from the film.

Overall, the scene is well-written and effective in establishing the tone and characters of the film, but it may not be necessary for the overall story.
Suggestions First, the scene might benefit from more concrete description and details to immerse the viewer in the setting. For example, how does the lighting in the L Street Bar & Grille enhance the dingy atmosphere? Are there any specific objects or decor that epitomize the bar's run-down state?

Additionally, while the dialogue between the characters is engaging, it might be helpful to develop them further with some actions that illustrate their personalities and dynamics. For instance, perhaps Billy McBride can reveal his intimidating presence through his physical movements or maybe Will Hunting can subtly assert his leadership through a clever quip or gesture.

Lastly, the abrupt black-out before the opening credits feels a bit jarring. It might be smoother to add a transitional moment or action to ease the transition.



Scene 2 - M.I.T. Class and Rooftop Reunion
INT. M.I.T. CLASSROOM -- DAY

The classroom is packed with graduate students and TOM.
PROFESSOR LAMBEAU (52) is at the lectern. The chalkboard behind
him is covered with theorems.

LAMBEAU
Please finish McKinley by next month.
Many of you probably had this as
undergraduates in real analysis. It
won't hurt to brush up. I am also
putting an advanced fourier system on
the main hallway chalkboard--

Everyone groans.

LAMBEAU (cont'd)
I'm hoping that one of you might prove
it by the end of the semester. The first
person to do so will not only be in my
good graces, but go on to fame and
fortune by having their accomplishment
recorded and their name printed in the
auspicious "M.I.T. Tech."

Prof. Lambeau holds up a thin publication entitled "M.I.T.
Tech." Everyone laughs.

LAMBEAU (cont'd)
Former winners include Nobel Laureates,
world renowned astro-physicists, Field's
Medal winners and lowly M.I.T.
professors.

More laughs.

LAMBEAU (cont'd)
Okay. That is all.

A smattering of applause. Students pack their bags.

CUT TO:


INT. FUNLAND – LATER

The place is a monster indoor funpark. Will, Chuckie, Morgan,
and Billy are in adjoining batting cages. Will has disabled the
pitching machine in his and pitches to Chuckie. The boys have
been drinking. Will throws one to Chuckie, high and tight.
Several empty beer cans sit by the cage.
CHUCKIE
Will!

Another pitch, inside.

CHUCKIE (cont'd)
You're gonna get charged!

WILL
You think I'm afraid of you, you big
fuck? You're crowdin' the plate.

Will guns another one, way inside.

CHUCKIE
Stop brushin' me back!

WILL
Stop crowdin the plate!

Chuckie laughs and steps back.

CHUCKIE
Casey's bouncin' at a bar up Harvard. We
should go there sometime.

WILL
What are we gonna do up there?

CHUCKIE
I don't know, we'll fuck up some smart
kids.
(stepping back in)
You'd prob'ly fit right in.

WILL
Fuck you.

Will fires a pitch at Chuckie's head. Chuckie dives to avoid
being hit. He gets up and whips his batting helmet at Will.

CUT TO:


EXT. SOUTH BOSTON ROOFTOP -- EARLY AFTERNOON

SEAN McGUIRE (52) sits, FORMALLY DRESSED, on the roof of his
apartment building in a beat-up lawn chair. Well-built and
fairly muscular, he stares blankly out over the city.

On his lap rests an open invitation that reads "M.I.T. CLASS OF
'67 REUNION."

While the morning is quiet and Sean sits serenely, there is a
look about his that tells us he has faced hard times. This is a
man who fought his way through life. On his lonely stare we:

CUT TO:
EXT. M.I.T. CAMPUS LAWN -- DAY

A thirty year REUNION PARTY has taken over the lawn. A well
dressed throng mill about underneath a large banner that reads
"WELCOME BACK CLASS OF '72." We find Professor Lambeau standing
with a drink in his hand, surveying the crowd. He is interrupted
by an approaching STUDENT.

STUDENT
Excuse me, Professor Lambeau?

LAMBEAU
Yes.

STUDENT
I'm in your applied theories class.
We're all down at the Math and Science
building.

LAMBEAU
It's Saturday.

STUDENT
I know. We just couldn't wait 'till
Monday to find out.

LAMBEAU
Find out what?

STUDENT
Who proved the theorem.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary The scene switches between Professor Lambeau motivating his graduate students to compete for a chance to get recognition in the University publication by solving a complex theorem and a thirty-year reunion party on the MIT Campus lawn where Lambeau is approached by a former student from his applied theories class who wants to find out the theorem's solution.
Strengths "Good introduction of the main characters and settings for the plot. Provides a glimpse into the academic rivalry within MIT, and presents a contrast between the younger and older generation."
Weaknesses "Weak plot development in this scene and lacks strong conflict. Dialogue can be improved to sound more natural."

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 7


Story Content

Concept: 8

Plot: 5

Originality: 0


Character Development

Characters: 6

Character Changes: 0

Internal Goal: 0

External Goal: 0


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 4

Opposition: 0

High Stakes: 0

Story Forward: 0

Unpredictability: 0

Philosophical Conflict: 0


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 5

Dialogue: 6

Engagement: 0

Pacing: 0


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 0

Structure: 0


Critique Overall, this scene is well-written and effectively sets up the characters and their relationships, as well as introducing the central conflict of the film. However, there are a few areas for improvement.

Firstly, some of the dialogue feels a bit on the nose and cliched, particularly in the Funland scene. The back-and-forth between Will and Chuckie feels like it's trying a bit too hard to establish their tough guy personas, and some of the insults and comebacks feel a bit contrived. This could be improved by making the dialogue feel more natural and specific to the characters' personalities and backgrounds.

Secondly, there could be more visual description to help set the scene and create a clear image in the reader's mind. For example, in the M.I.T. classroom scene, we get a general sense that the room is packed and there are theorems on the chalkboard, but it would be helpful to have more specific details about the layout of the room, the type of students present, etc.

Finally, the scene could benefit from more sensory description to help immerse the reader in the environment and tone of the scene. For example, describing the smells, sounds, and atmosphere of Funland would help to create a more vivid picture in the reader's mind and make the scene more engaging.
Suggestions 1. Clearer character introductions: It's not immediately clear who TOM is and we don't get a sense of who he is or why he is there. Adding a brief introduction line for him and establishing his relationship to Prof. Lambeau could help.

2. More interesting visuals: The classroom scene is all dialogue and lacks any visual interest. Adding some action or movement to the scene (like Prof. Lambeau drawing on the board, students taking notes, etc.) would make it more engaging.

3. Streamlining dialogue: Some of the dialogue feels repetitive or wordy. For example, Prof. Lambeau could simply say, "I'm putting an advanced fourier system on the main hallway chalkboard. The first person to prove it by the end of the semester will go on to fame and fortune." This would convey the same information without the extra groans and laughs.

4. More specificity: The scene could benefit from more specificity and detail. For example, instead of just "an indoor funpark," maybe it's a specific location like "Dave & Buster's" or "Chuck E. Cheese." This gives us a better sense of the world and characters.

5. Clarify location changes: The location changes between the classroom and the funpark are abrupt and not clearly established. Adding a transitional line or shot (like "Later that day..." or a shot of the exterior of the funpark) would help the reader follow the action.

6. Consider alternate scene order: It might make more sense to introduce Sean McGuire and establish his character before the reunion party scene. This would give the audience a reason to care about him and create more anticipation for the reveal of who proved the theorem at the party.



Scene 3 - Boys at the Park and Lambeau at MIT
EXT. TOM FOLEY PARK, S. BOSTON -- AFTERNOON

In the bleachers of the visiting section we find our boys,
drinking and smoking cigarettes. Will pops open a beer. The boys
have been here a while and it shows.

Billy sees something that catches his interest.

BILLY
Who's that? She's got a nice ass.

Their P.O.V. reveals a girl in stretch pants talking to a beefy
looking ITALIAN GUY (BOBBY CHAMPA)

MORGAN
Yah, that is a nice ass.

CHUCKIE
You could put a pool in that backyard.

BILLY
Who's she talking to?

MORGAN
That fuckin' guinea, Will knows him.
WILL
Yah, Bobby Champa. He used to beat the
shit outta' me in Kindergarten.

BILLY
He's a pretty big kid.

WILL
Yah, he's the same size now as he was in
Kindergarten.

MORGAN
Fuck this, let's get something to eat...

CHUCKIE
What Morgan, you're not gonna go talk to
her?

MORGAN
Fuck her.

The boys get up and walk down the bleachers.

WILL
I could go for a Whopper.

MORGAN
(nonchalant)
Let's hit "Kelly's."

CHUCKIE
Morgan, I'm not goin' to "Kelly's Roast
Beef" just cause you like the take-out
girl. It's fifteen minutes out of our
way.

MORGAN
What else we gonna do we can't spare
fifteen minutes?

CHUCKIE
All right Morgan, fine. I'll tell you
why we're not going to "Kelly's." It's
because the take-out bitch is a fuckin'
idiot. I'm sorry you like her but she's
dumb as a post and she has never got our
order right, never once.

MORGAN
She's not stupid.

WILL
She's sharp as a marble.

CHUCKIE
We're not goin'.
(beat)
I don't even like "Kelly's."
CUT TO:


INT. M.I.T. HALLWAY -- LATER

Lambeau, still in his reunion formal-wear, strides down the
hallway, carrying some papers. A group of students have gathered
by the chalkboard. They part like the red sea as he approaches
the board. Using the papers in hand, he checks the proof.
Satisfied, he turns to the class.

LAMBEAU
This is correct? Who did this?

Dead silence. Lambeau turns to an INDIAN STUDENT.

LAMBEAU (cont'd)
Nemesh?

Nemesh shakes his head in awe.

NEMESH
No way.

Lambeau erases the proof and starts putting up a new one.

LAMBEAU
Well, whoever You are, I'm sure you'll
find this one challenging enough to
merit coming forward with your identity.
That is, if you can do it.
Genres: ["Comedy","Drama"]

Summary The boys are hanging out at a park when they notice a girl with a nice butt talking to a guy named Bobby Champa. They decide to go get food and argue over where to go. Meanwhile, Lambeau checks a proof at MIT and is impressed with the work but no one takes credit for it.
Strengths "The scene establishes the personalities of the boys and their dynamics. The dialogue is snappy and funny."
Weaknesses "The scene does not advance the plot significantly. The content of the scene revolves around objectifying a woman. There is no progress or character development in Lambeau's storyline."

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 5


Story Content

Concept: 3

Plot: 4

Originality: 0


Character Development

Characters: 5

Character Changes: 0

Internal Goal: 0

External Goal: 0


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 2

Opposition: 0

High Stakes: 0

Story Forward: 0

Unpredictability: 0

Philosophical Conflict: 0


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 3

Dialogue: 6

Engagement: 0

Pacing: 0


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 0

Structure: 0


Critique As a language model AI, I cannot evaluate the narrative style and the intention of the writer. However, I can provide general suggestions for improving the scene based on the elements of storytelling.

The scene seems to lack a clear narrative objective. It is neither advancing the plot nor developing the characters. It appears to be just a random conversation among the boys. The dialogue feels flat and uneventful, lacking any real conflicts or tension.

To make the scene more engaging, the writer could introduce more conflict and stakes. For instance, the boys could have a specific goal, or something at risk, like missing an important game or getting in trouble with their parents. Adding these elements could create more tension and raise the stakes in the scene.

Additionally, the dialogue could use more subtext. Rather than having characters say exactly what's on their minds, it's more effective to have them imply things or hide their true intentions. This creates more intrigue and suspense in the scene.

Finally, the scene could benefit from more vivid imagery and sensory details. This would help the audience better visualize and immerse themselves in the story world. For instance, instead of just saying "The boys get up and walk down the bleachers," the writer could describe the sound of their footsteps, the feel of the metal beneath their feet, and the sights and smells of the surrounding environment.
Suggestions First of all, the scene in Tom Foley Park seems aimless and lacking in purpose. There is no clear objective or conflict established, and the dialogue is largely irrelevant to the overall story.

To improve this scene, it could be restructured to establish character goals and conflicts. For example, the boys could be discussing their plans for the weekend or their frustrations with school, which could provide insight into their personalities and motivations. Additionally, introducing a conflict or obstacle that the boys must overcome (such as someone getting in their way while trying to get food) would add tension and engage the audience.

In the MIT hallway scene, it may benefit from some more dynamic visuals and active blocking. Currently, there is just a group of students standing around a chalkboard, which is not very visually interesting. Introducing some movement or an action (such as Lambeau checking papers or handing out assignments) would make the scene more engaging. Additionally, it could benefit from more clear stakes or objectives. As it stands, it is unclear why Lambeau is checking the proof and what the significance of it is to the overall story.



Scene 4 - Fast food and a street confrontation
INT. CHUCKIE'S CAR, DRIVING IN SOUTH BOSTON -- CONTINUOUS

The street is crowded as our boys drive down Broadway. They move
slowly through heavy traffic, windows down. Chuckie sorts
through a large "KELLY'S ROAST BEEF" BAG as he drives.

MORGAN
Double Burger.

Will holds the wheel for Chuckie as he looks through the bag.

MORGAN (cont'd)
(same tone)
Double Burger.

Chuckie gets out fries for himself, hands Will his fries.

MORGAN (cont'd)
I, I had a Kelly's Double Burger.

CHUCKIE
Would you shut the fuck up! I know what
you ordered, I was there!
MORGAN
So why don't you give me my sandwhich?

CHUCKIE
What do you mean "your sandwhich?" I
bought it.

MORGAN
(sarcastic)
Yah, all right...

CHUCKIE
How much money you got?

MORGAN
I told you, I just got change.

CHUCKIE
Well give me your fuckin' change and
we'll put your fuckin' sandwhich on lay-
away.

MORGAN
Why you gotta be an asshole Chuckie?

CHUCKIE
I think you should establish a good line
of credit.

Laughter, Chuckie goes back searching through the bag.

CHUCKIE (cont'd)
Oh motherfucker...

WILL
She didn't do it again did she?

CHUCKIE
Jesus Christ. Not even close.

MORGAN
Did she get my Double Burger?

CHUCKIE
NO SHE DIDN'T GET YOUR DOUBLE BURGER!!
IT'S ALL FUCKIN' FLYIN' FISH FILET!!

Chuckie whips a FISH SANDWHICH back to Morgan, then to Billy.

WILL
Jesus, that's really bad, did anyone
even order a Flyin' Fish?

CHUCKIE
No, and we got four of 'em.
BILLY
You gotta' be kiddin' me. Why do we even
go to her?

CHUCKIE
Cause fuckin' Morgan's got a crush on
her, we always go there and when we get
to the window he never says a fuckin'
word to her, he never even gets out of
the car, and she never gets our order
right cause she's the goddamn MISSING
LINK!

WILL
Well, she out did herself today...

MORGAN
I don't got a crush on her.

Push in on Will who sees something O.S.

Will's P.O.V. reveals BOBBY CHAMPA and his friends walking down
the street. One of them casually lobs a bottle into a wire
garbage can. It SHATTERS and some of the glass hits a FEMALE
PASSERBY who, although unhurt, is upset.

CHUCKIE
What do we got?

WILL
I don't know yet.

Will's P.O.V.: The woman says something to Bobby. He says
something back. By the look on her face, it was something
unpleasant.

MORGAN
Come on, Will...

CHUCKIE
Shut up.

MORGAN
No, why didn't you fight him at the park
if you wanted to? I'm not goin' now, I'm
eatin' my snack.

WILL
(smiles)
So don't go.

Will is out of the door, jogging toward Bobby Champa. Billy gets
out, following Will with a look of casual indifference.

CHUCKIE
Morgan, Let's go.
MORGAN
I'm serious Chuckie, I ain't goin'.

Leaving the car, Chuckie opens his door to follow.

CHUCKIE
(spins in his seat)
You're goin'. And if you're not out
there in two fuckin' seconds, when I'm
done with them you're next!

And with that, Chuckie is out the door.

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary The group of friends argue about their fast food order and discuss their annoyance with a specific restaurant before witnessing a street confrontation with Bobby Champa and his friends. Will and Billy go to confront them while Morgan stays back to eat his snack, and Chuckie threatens Morgan into joining him.
Strengths "The scene establishes the camaraderie between the group of friends and sets up a potential conflict with Bobby Champa and his friends."
Weaknesses "The dialogue can be repetitive and the fast food scene may not be as engaging to some viewers."

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 6


Story Content

Concept: 5

Plot: 6

Originality: 0


Character Development

Characters: 6

Character Changes: 0

Internal Goal: 0

External Goal: 0


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

Opposition: 0

High Stakes: 0

Story Forward: 0

Unpredictability: 0

Philosophical Conflict: 0


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 5

Dialogue: 7

Engagement: 0

Pacing: 0


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 0

Structure: 0


Critique Overall, this scene is well-written, effectively setting up some tension and conflict among the characters. However, there are a few areas that could use some improvement.

Firstly, while the banter between the characters is entertaining, it can be a bit difficult to follow at times due to the lack of clear dialogue attributions or action descriptions. Adding some simple cues to indicate who is speaking and what they are doing would make it easier for the reader or viewer to follow along.

Secondly, the scene could benefit from some more visual and sensory details to bring the setting to life. Right now, there is very little description of the street or the surroundings, which makes it harder to picture the action in one's mind.

Finally, the shift in mood and tone from the discussion of sandwiches to the confrontation with Bobby Champa and his friends feels a bit abrupt. More gradual pacing and foreshadowing could help to make the shift feel more natural and build up the tension more effectively.

Overall, this is a strong scene, but a few tweaks could make it even more engaging and effective.
Suggestions Overall, the scene could benefit from more clarity and purpose. Here are some suggestions:

- Make it clearer who the boys are and why they're driving around South Boston. Are they friends? Criminals? In a gang? This will help establish their characters and give context to their actions.

- Consider cutting the dialogue about the sandwiches and fast food chain. While it might add some realism and humor, it doesn't seem to be relevant to the plot or character development. Instead, use the time to give more insight into the boys' relationships and motivations.

- Develop the conflict with Bobby Champa and his friends more. Why do they have a history of fighting? What is Will's goal in confronting them now? What are the consequences of this action? This will help raise the stakes and create tension.

- Try to avoid stereotypes and clichés associated with Boston and Southie. While it's important to accurately portray the setting and culture, relying too heavily on overused tropes can feel lazy and unoriginal. Instead, focus on unique and specific details that will make the scene feel more authentic and fresh.

- Consider adding more action or visual interest to the scene. Right now, it's mostly just dialogue in a car. Adding some movement or dynamic shots can make it more engaging to watch.



Scene 5 - The Fight
EXT. SIDEWALK --CONTINUOUS

Will comes jogging up towards BOBBY CHAMPA, calling out from
across the street,

WILL
(smiling, good naturedly)
Hey, Bobby Champa! I went to
Kindergarten with you right? Sister
Margaret's class...

Bobby is bewildered by this strange interruption and unsure of
Will's intentions. Just when it looks as though Bobby might
remember him, Will DRILLS HIM with a sucker-punch which begins
the

FIGHT SEQUENCE: 40 FRAMES OVER M. GAYE'S "LET'S GET IT ON."

Will's momentum and respectable strength serve to knock the
hapless Champa out cold.

As soon as Will hits Bobby, his friends CONVERGE ON WILL. Billy
JUMPS IN and wrestles one guy to the ground. The two exchange
messy punches on the sidewalk.

Will is in trouble, back pedaling, dodging punches, trying to
avoid being overrun.

When Will goes for one guy, another has an open shot and he
HAMMERS WILL with a right hand to the head.

Will is staggered and bleary, as a second guy winds up for a
shot he is BLIND SIDED by Chuckie who hits the kid like he was a
tackling sled, lifting him off the ground.

Chuckie turns to see Will still outnumbered. It's all Will can
do to stay standing as Morgan DROP KICKS one of Champa's boys
from the hood of a car.

Contrary to what we might think, Morgan is actually quite a
fighter. He peppers the kid with a flurry of blows.
The fight is messy, ugly and chaotic. Most punches are thrown
wildly and miss, heads are banged against concrete, someone
throws a bottle.

In the end, it's our guys who are left standing, while Bobby's
friends stagger off. Chuckie and Morgan turn to see Will,
standing over the unconscious Bobby Champa, still POUNDING him.

ANGLE ON WILL: SAVAGE, UGLY, VICIOUS, AND VIOLENT

Whatever demons must be raging inside Will, he is taking them
out on Bobby Champa. He pummels the helpless, unconscious
Champa, fury in his eyes. Chuckie and Billy pull Will away.

The POLICE finally arrive on the scene and having only witnessed
Will's vicious attack on Champa, they grab him.


EXT. SIDEWALK (FULL SPEED) -- CONTINUOUS

A crowd of onlookers have gathered. Chuckie addresses them.

CHUCKIE
Hey, thanks for comin' out.

WILL
Yeah, you're all invited over to
Morgan's house for a complementary fish
sandwhich.

The Police slam Will into the hood of a car.

WILL (cont'd)
(to Police)
Hey, I know it's not a French cruller,
but it's free.

The cop holding Will SLAMS his [Will's] face into the hood,
another cop uses a baton to press Will's face into the car. The
look of rage returns to Will's eye.

WILL (cont'd)
Get the fuck off me!

Will resists. Another cop comes over. Will KICKS HIM IN THE
KNEE, dropping the cop. Momentarily freed, Will engages in a
fracas with three cops. More converge on Will, who -- though he
struggles -- takes a beating.

CUT TO:


EXT. SEAN'S ROOF -- NIGHT

Sean sits, exactly as we first saw him, except his tie is now
loose and an empty bottle of BUSHMILLS is at his side. He
stares out over the City. A MATRONLY LANDLADY comes out of a
doorway on the roof.
LANDLADY
Sean?

Sean doesn't answer.

LANDLADY (cont'd)
Sean? You okay?

SEAN
Yeah.

A beat.

LANDLADY
It's getting cold.

After a moment, she retreats back down the stairs. Sean doesn't
move.

DISSOLVE:


EXT. CHARLES RIVER, ESTABLISHING SHOT -- MORNING

The morning sun reflects brilliantly off the river.

CUT TO:


EXT. COURTHOUSE -- NEXT MORNING

Will emerges from the courthouse. Chuckie is waiting for him in
the Cadillac with two cups of DUNKIN' DOUGHNUTS coffee. He hands
one of them to Will. This feels routine.

CHUCKIE
When's the arraignment?

WILL
Next week.

Chuckie pulls away.

CUT TO:


EXT. M.I.T. CAMPUS, ESTABLISHING SHOT -- MORNING

Students walk to class, carrying bags. More than any other,
students seem to be heading into one PARTICULAR CLASSROOM.
Genres: ["drama","action"]

Summary Will confronts Bobby Champa and punches him, starting a chaotic fight where Will's friends come to his rescue. Will takes out his inner demons on Champa, resulting in police intervention. The scene ends with Sean sitting on his roof in silence.
Strengths "The scene portrays a realistic and gritty fight scene with high stakes, introducing the inner turmoil of Will's character and the loyalty of his friends."
Weaknesses "The dialogue feels somewhat unrealistic at times, there are no clear consequences to the fight, and the scene ends abruptly without much resolution or further development."

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8


Story Content

Concept: 7

Plot: 7

Originality: 0


Character Development

Characters: 8

Character Changes: 0

Internal Goal: 0

External Goal: 0


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 10

Opposition: 0

High Stakes: 0

Story Forward: 0

Unpredictability: 0

Philosophical Conflict: 0


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

Dialogue: 6

Engagement: 0

Pacing: 0


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 0

Structure: 0


Critique As a screenwriting expert, I would critique this scene as being violent and lacking context. The sudden and unprovoked attack on Bobby Champa seems unnecessary and doesn't provide enough information or motivation for Will's actions. Additionally, the fight sequence is messy and chaotic, making it difficult to follow or understand what is happening. The use of violence should be used sparingly and purposefully in a story, and in this case, it doesn't seem to serve a clear purpose. The scene also lacks character development or meaningful dialogue. Overall, the scene could benefit from more context and purposeful use of violence, as well as more character development and meaningful dialogue.
Suggestions There are a few suggestions I would make to improve this scene:

1) First, it's not clear what the goal of this scene is. Is it just to show a fight sequence? It might be more effective if it had a clear purpose that contributes to the overall story.

2) The dialogue could be improved. The dialogue between Will and Bobby Champa doesn't really establish anything about their relationship or add to our understanding of the characters. It might be more effective to have a bit more backstory or context here.

3) The fight sequence is chaotic and a bit hard to follow. It might be more effective to have a clearer sense of who is fighting who and what's happening during the fight. This would make the scene more engaging for the audience.

4) The ending of the scene doesn't feel particularly conclusive. There's a lot of violence and chaos, but not much resolution. It might be more effective to have a clearer resolution or sense of where this is leading in the overall story.

Overall, my suggestion would be to focus more on the characters and their motivations, and to make the action sequences clearer and more engaging for the audience. This will make the scene more effective and memorable.



Scene 6 - Mystery Math Magician Strikes Again
INT. M.I.T. CLASSROOM -- MORNING

The classroom is even more crowded than last we saw it. Tom
takes notes as Lambeau plays along with the excited environment
with mock pomposity and good humor.
LAMBEAU
Is it my imagination, or has my class
grown considerably?

Laughter.

LAMBEAU (cont'd)
I look around and see young people who
are my students, young people who are
not my students as well as some of my
colleagues. And by no stretch of my
imagination do I think you've all come
to hear me lecture.

More laughter.

LAMBEAU (cont'd)
But rather to ascertain the identity of
who our esteemed "The Tech" has come to
call "The Mystery Math Magician."

He holds up the M.I.T. Tech featuring a silhouetted figure,
emblazoned with a large, white question mark. The headline reads
"Mystery Math Magician strikes again."

LAMBEAU (cont'd)
Whoever you are, you've solved four of
the most difficult theorems I've ever
given a class. So without further ado,
come forward silent rogue, and receive
thy prize.

The class waits in breathless anticipation. A STUDENT shifts his
weight in his chair, making a noise.

LAMBEAU (cont'd)
Well, I'm sorry to disappoint my
spectators, but it appears there will be
no unmasking here today. I'm going to
have to ask those of you not enrolled in
the class to make your escape now or,
for the next three hours be subjected to
the mundities of eigenvectors.

People start to gather their things and go. Lambeau picks up a
piece of chalk and starts writing on the board.

LAMBEAU (cont'd)
However, my colleagues and I have
conferred. There is a problem on the
board, right now, that took us two years
to prove. So let this be said; the
gauntlet has been thrown down. But the
faculty have answered the challenge and
answered with vigor.

CUT TO:
19 OMITTED


INT. M.I.T. HALLWAY -- NIGHT

Lambeau comes out of his office with Tom and locks the door. As
he turns to walk down the hallway, he stops. A faint TICKING
SOUND can be heard. He turns and walks down the hall.

Lambeau and Tom come around a corner. His P.O.V. reveals a
figure in silhouette blazing through the proof on the
chalkboard. There is a mop and a bucket beside him. As Lambeau
draws closer, reveal that the figure is Will, in his janitor's
uniform. There is a look of intense concentration in his eyes.

LAMBEAU
Excuse me!

Will looks up, immediately starts to shuffle off.

WILL
Oh, I'm sorry.

LAMBEAU
What're you doing?

WILL
(walking away)
I'm sorry.

Lambeau follows Will down the hall.

LAMBEAU
What's your name?
(beat)
Don't you walk away from me. This is
people's work, you can't graffiti here.

WILL
Hey fuck you.

LAMBEAU
(flustered)
Well... I'll be speaking to your
supervisor.

Will walks out. Lambeau goes to "fix" the proof, scanning the
blackboard for whatever damage Will caused. He stops, scans the
board again. Amazement registers on his face.

LAMBEAU (cont'd)
My God.

Down the hall, we hear the DOOR CLOSE. He turns to look for
Will, who is gone.

CUT TO:
EXT. BOW AND ARROW PUB, CAMBRIDGE -- THAT NIGHT

A crowded Harvard Bar. Will and our gang walk by a line of
several Harvard students, waiting to be carded.

MORGAN
What happened?
(beat)
You got fired, huh?

WILL
Yeah, Morgan. I got fired.

MORGAN
(starts laughing)
How fuckin' retarded do you have to be
to get shit-canned from that job? How
hard is it to push a fuckin' broom?

CHUCKIE
You got fired from pushing a broom, you
little bitch.

MORGAN
Yah, that was different. Management was
restructurin'--

BILLY
--Yah, restructurin' the amount of
retards they had workin' for them.

MORGAN
Fuck you, you fat fuck.

BILLY
Least I work for a livin'.
(to Will)
Why'd you get fired?

WILL
Management was restructurin'.

Laughter.

CHUCKIE
My uncle can probably get you on my demo
team.

MORGAN
What the fuck? I just asked you for a
job yesterday!

CHUCKIE
I told you "no" yesterday!

After two students flash their ID's to the doorman (CASEY) our
boys file past him.
ALL
(one after another)
What's up Case.

With an imperceptible nod, Casey waves our boys through. A fifth
kid, a HARVARD STUDENT, tries to follow. He is stopped by
Casey's massive, outstretched arm:

CASEY
ID?


INT. BOW AND ARROW -- CONTINUOUS

Chuckie is collecting money from the guys to buy a pitcher, all
but Morgan cough up some crumpled dollars.

CHUCKIE
So, this is a Harvard bar, huh? I
thought there'd be equations and shit on
the wall.
Genres: ["Comedy","Drama"]

Summary The Mystery Math Magician has solved four of the most difficult theorems in Lambeau's class and is sought after by the faculty. Meanwhile, Will gets fired from his janitorial job and goes out drinking with his friends at a Harvard bar.
Strengths "The scene introduces the Mystery Math Magician, adding to the intrigue of the film's plot. The banter between the characters at the bar is humorous and shows their camaraderie."
Weaknesses "The dialogue in the MIT classroom scene is a bit on the nose and the conflict between Lambeau and Will is not fully developed."

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 7


Story Content

Concept: 7

Plot: 7

Originality: 0


Character Development

Characters: 8

Character Changes: 0

Internal Goal: 0

External Goal: 0


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

Opposition: 0

High Stakes: 0

Story Forward: 0

Unpredictability: 0

Philosophical Conflict: 0


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 5

Dialogue: 6

Engagement: 0

Pacing: 0


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 0

Structure: 0


Critique There are a few issues with this scene:

1. The humor falls flat. Lambeau's attempts at humor come across as forced and awkward. The laughter from the classroom seems contrived and doesn't add anything to the scene.

2. The dialogue is unrealistic. The way that the characters speak doesn't sound like natural speech. The banter between Will and Lambeau in the hallway is particularly stilted and awkward.

3. The pacing is slow. The scene takes a long time to get to its point, and once it does, the reveal of Will as the "Mystery Math Magician" is not particularly exciting.

Overall, this scene needs some work to make it more engaging and realistic. The dialogue could use some tightening to make it sound more natural, and the humor should be either toned down or reworked to be more effective. Additionally, the pacing needs to be tightened to make the scene more efficient and engaging.
Suggestions First, I would suggest finding ways to make the dialogue more natural and realistic. Some of the lines feel forced and don't sound like how people actually talk. Secondly, there needs to be more emotional depth and conflict in this scene. Right now, it feels very surface level and the tension doesn't build to anything. Adding in some subtext and inner conflict for the characters would make the scene more engaging and interesting to watch. Finally, I would recommend considering the visual elements and how they can be used to enhance the scene. It's a classroom and a bar, two pretty mundane settings, so finding ways to make the visuals more interesting and dynamic can help elevate the scene.



Scene 7 - Intelligence vs. Education
INT. BACK SECTION, BOW AND ARROW -- MOMENTS LATER

Chuckie returns to a table where Will, Morgan and Billy have
made themselves comfortable. He [Chuckie] spots two ATTRACTIVE
YOUNG HARVARD WOMEN sitting together at the end of the bar.
Chuckie struts his way toward the women and pulls up a chair. He
flashes a smile and tries to submerge his thick Boston accent.

CHUCKIE
Hey, how's it goin'?

LYDIA
Fine.

SKYLAR
Okay.

CHUCKIE
So, you ladies ah, go to school here?

LYDIA
Yes.

CHUCKIE
Yeah, cause I think I had a class with
you.

At this point, several interested parties materialize. Morgan
Billy and Will try, as inconspicuously as possible, to situate
themselves within listening distance. A rather large student in
a HARVARD LACROSSE sweatshirt, CLARK (22) notices Chuckie. He
[Clark] walks over to Skylar and Lydia, nobly hovering over them
as protector. This gets Will, Morgan, and Billy's attention.
SKYLAR
What class?

CHUCKIE
Ah, history I think.

SKYLAR
Oh...

CHUCKIE
Yah, it's not a bad school...

At this point, Clark can't resist and steps in.

CLARK
What class did you say that was?

CHUCKIE
History.

CLARK
How'd you like that course?

CHUCKIE
Good, it was all right.

CLARK
History? Just "history?" It must have
been a survey course then.

Chuckie nods. Clark notices Chuckie's clothes. Will and Billy
exchange a look and move subtly closer.

CLARK (cont'd)
Pretty broad. "History of the World?"

CHUCKIE
Hey, come on pal we're in classes all
day. That's one thing about Harvard
never seizes to amaze me, everybody's
talkin' about school all the time.

CLARK
Hey, I'm the last guy to want to talk
about school at the bar. But as long as
you're here I want to "seize" the
opportunity to ask you a question.

Billy shifts his beer into his left hand. Will and Morgan see
this. Morgan rolls his eyes as if to say "not again..."

CLARK (cont'd)
Oh, I'm sure you covered it in your
history class.

Clark looks to see if the girls are impressed. They are not.
When Clark looks back to Chuckie, Skylar turns to Lydia and
rolls her [own] eyes. They laugh. Will sees this and smiles.
CHUCKIE
To tell you the truth, I wasn't there
much. The class was rather elementary.

CLARK
Elementary? Oh, I don't doubt that it
was. I remember the class, it was just
between recess and lunch.

Will and Billy come forward, stand behind Chuckie.

CHUCKIE
All right, are we gonna have a problem?

CLARK
There's no problem. I was just hoping
you could give me some insight into the
evolution of the market economy in the
early colonies. My contention is that
prior to the Revolutionary War the
economic modalities especially of the
southern colonies could most aptly be
characterized as agrarian pre-
capitalist and...

Will, who at this point has migrated to Chuckie's side and is
completely fed-up, includes himself in the conversation.

WILL
Of course that's your contention. You're
a first year grad student. You just
finished some Marxian historian, Pete
Garrison prob'ly, and so naturally
that's what you believe until next month
when you get to James Lemon and get
convinced that Virginia and Pennsylvania
were strongly entrepreneurial and
capitalist back in 1740. That'll last
until sometime in your second year, then
you'll be in here regurgitating Gordon
Wood about the Pre-revolutionary utopia
and the capital-forming effects of
military mobilization.

CLARK
(taken aback)
Well, as a matter of fact, I won't,
because Wood drastically underestimates
the impact of--
WILL
--"Wood drastically underestimates the
impact of social distinctions predicated
upon wealth, especially inheriated
wealth..." You got that from "Work in
Essex County," Page 421, right? Do you
have any thoughts of your own on the
subject or were you just gonna plagerize
the whole book for me?

Clark is stunned.

WILL(cont'd)
Look, don't try to pass yourself off as
some kind of an intellect at the expense
of my friend just to impress these
girls.

Clark is lost now, searching for a graceful exit, any exit.

WILL (cont'd)
The sad thing is, in about 50 years you
might start doin' some thinkin' on your
own and by then you'll realize there are
only two certainties in life.

CLARK
Yeah? What're those?

WILL
One, don't do that. Two-- you dropped a
hundred and fifty grand on an education
you coulda' picked up for a dollar fifty
in late charges at the Public Library.

Will catches Skylar's eye.

CLARK
But I will have a degree, and you'll be
serving my kids fries at a drive through
on our way to a skiing trip.

WILL(smiles)
Maybe. But at least I won't be a prick.
(beat)
And if you got a problem with that, I
guess we can step outside and deal with
it that way.

While Will is substantially smaller than Clark, he [Clark]
decides not to take Will up on his [Will's] offer.

WILL (cont'd)
If you change your mind, I'll be over by
the bar.

He turns and walks away. Chuckie follows, throwing Clark a look.
Morgan turns to a nearby girl.
MORGAN
My boy's wicked smart.
Genres: ["drama","comedy","romance"]

Summary Chuckie tries to impress two attractive Harvard women at a bar. He runs into a large student, named Clark, who tries to one-up him in a knowledgeable conversation. Will steps in and schools Clark, impressing the girls and allowing him and Chuckie to walk away victorious.
Strengths "Clever dialogue and character development, great tension building, entertaining and engaging scene."
Weaknesses "Some viewers may find the scene to be a bit predictable."

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9


Story Content

Concept: 8

Plot: 7

Originality: 0


Character Development

Characters: 9

Character Changes: 0

Internal Goal: 0

External Goal: 0


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

Opposition: 0

High Stakes: 0

Story Forward: 0

Unpredictability: 0

Philosophical Conflict: 0


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

Dialogue: 10

Engagement: 0

Pacing: 0


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 0

Structure: 0


Critique Overall, this scene is well-written and builds tension effectively. However, there are some areas for improvement.

First, the dialogue could be more polished. Some of the lines, particularly Chuckie's attempts to impress the women and Clark's initial questions, feel a bit forced and unnatural. Additionally, some of the dialogue is too on-the-nose, such as when Will explicitly spells out Clark's intellectual journey.

Second, the characters could be more fleshed out. We get a sense of their personalities and motivations, but it would be nice to see more depth and complexity. For example, we don't really know much about Chuckie beyond his attempts to pick up women, and it's not clear why Will is so quick to defend his friend.

Finally, the scene might benefit from more visual and sensory details. We get a sense of the bar's layout and the characters' actions, but there's not a lot of description of what things look, smell, and sound like. Adding these details could help bring the scene to life and make it more immersive for the audience.
Suggestions The scene is well-crafted, but here are a few suggestions for improvement:

1. The scene could benefit from more visual description. For example, what does Chuckie look like? What is the general atmosphere of the bar? Adding more visual details can help ground the scene and make it more immersive for the audience.

2. The dialogue could be tightened up in places. For example, Chuckie's initial conversation with the Harvard women feels a bit stilted and could benefit from some more naturalistic dialogue. Additionally, some of the more academic dialogue (such as Will's speech about Marxian historians) could be streamlined to make it more accessible for the audience.

3. Consider adding some more character development in this scene. While Chuckie, Will, and the others are all introduced, we aren't given much sense of who they are outside of their interactions with each other. Adding some small character details (such as what they're wearing, what they're drinking, etc.) can help make them feel more fully realized as people.

4. Lastly, think about what this scene accomplishes in terms of the larger story. While it's an entertaining and well-written scene on its own, it doesn't seem to directly advance the plot of the film. Consider if there's a way to tie this scene more explicitly to the larger narrative, whether that's through character development, plot points, or themes.



Scene 8 - Skylar Gives Will her Number
INT. BOW AND ARROW, AT THE BAR --LATER

Will sits with Morgan at the bar watching with some amusement as
Chuckie and Billy play bar basketball game where the players
shoot miniature balls at a small basket. In the B.G.
Occasionally we hear Chuckie shouting "Larry!" When he scores.
Skylar emerges from the crowd and approaches Will.

SKYLAR
You suck.

WILL
What?

SKYLAR
I've been sitting over there for forty-
five minutes waiting for you to come
talk to me. But I'm just tired now and I
have to go home and I wasn't going to
keep sitting there waiting for you.

WILL
I'm Will.

SKYLAR
Skylar. And by the way. That guy over
there is a real dick and I just wanted
you to know he didn't come with us.

WILL
I kind of got that impression.

SKYLAR
Well, look, I have to go. Gotta' get up
early and waste some more money on my
overpriced education.

WILL
I didn't mean you. Listen, maybe...

SKYLAR
Here's my number.

Skylar produces a folded piece of paper and offers it to Will.

SKYLAR (cont'd)
Maybe we could go out for coffee
sometime?

WILL
Great, or maybe we could go somewhere
and just eat a bunch of caramels.
SKYLAR
What?

WILL
When you think about it, it's just as
arbitrary as drinking coffee.

SKYLAR
(laughs)
Okay, sounds good.

She turns.

WILL
Five minutes.

SKYLAR
What?

WILL
I was trying to be smooth.
(indicates clock)
But at twelve-fifteen I was gonna come
over there and talk to you.

SKYLAR
See, it's my life story. Five more
minutes and I would have got to hear
your best pick-up line.

WILL
The caramel thing is my pick-up line.

A beat.

SKYLAR
Glad I came over.

CUT TO:


EXT. BOW AND ARROW -- LATER

Our boys are walking out of the bar teasing one another about
their bar-ball exploits. Across the street is another bar with a
glass front. Morgan spots Clark sitting by the window with some
friends.

MORGAN
There goes that fuckin' Barney right
now, with his fuckin' "skiin' trip." We
should'a kicked that dude's ass.

WILL
Hold up.
Will crosses the street and approaches the plate glass window
and stands across from Clark, separated only by the glass. He
POUNDS THE GLASS to get Clark's attention.

WILL (cont'd)
Hey!

Clark turns toward Will.

WILL (cont'd)
DO YOU LIKE APPLES?

Clark doesn't get it.

WILL (cont'd)
DO YOU LIKE APPLES?!

CLARK
Yeah?

Will SLAMS SKYLAR'S PHONE NUMBER against the glass.

WILL
WELL I GOT HER NUMBER! HOW DO YA LIKE
THEM APPLES?!!

Will's boys erupt into laughter. Angle on Clark, deflated.


EXT. STREET -- NIGHT

The boys make their way home, piled into Chuckie's car, laughing
together.


EXT. CHARLES STREET BRIDGE -- DAWN

Shot of car crossing over the Charles St. Bridge, overtaking a
red-line train.


EXT. CHARLESTON BACKROAD -- DAWN

Travelling through narrow back roads in Charlestown, passing the
Bunker Hill monument.


EXT. WILL'S APARTMENT -- DAY

Arriving at Will's house and dropping him off.

DISSOLVE TO:
Genres: ["Romance","Comedy","Drama"]

Summary Skylar gives Will her number and agrees to go out for coffee with him. Will makes a witty gesture towards Clark, who has been teasing him throughout the night.
Strengths "The scene sets up the relationship between Will and Skylar, and shows Will's cleverness in his joke towards Clark."
Weaknesses "There is not much conflict in the scene, and the dialogue can be seen as somewhat unrealistic."

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8


Story Content

Concept: 9

Plot: 8

Originality: 0


Character Development

Characters: 9

Character Changes: 0

Internal Goal: 0

External Goal: 0


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 4

Opposition: 0

High Stakes: 0

Story Forward: 0

Unpredictability: 0

Philosophical Conflict: 0


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

Dialogue: 9

Engagement: 0

Pacing: 0


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 0

Structure: 0


Critique Overall, the scene is well-written with natural dialogue and clear character motivations. However, there are a few areas that could be improved or clarified.

Firstly, the introduction of the bar basketball game feels unnecessary and superfluous to the scene as a whole. It could be cut without affecting the progression of the storyline.

Secondly, the pacing feels rushed in some areas, particularly when Skylar offers her phone number. The exchange happens quickly without much emotional buildup or tension. Adding a beat or two of hesitation or uncertainty from either of the characters could add more depth and realism to the moment.

Finally, the transition from the bar to outside with the boys feels abrupt and could benefit from a smoother transition. Adding an establishing shot or a brief sentence of transition could help the viewer follow the change in setting more easily.

Overall, the scene is well-written and effective in furthering the main storyline of the romantic tension between Will and Skylar. With a few minor adjustments, it could be even stronger.
Suggestions One suggestion is to make the dialogue more concise and snappier. For example, instead of Skylar saying "I've been sitting over there for forty-five minutes waiting for you to come talk to me. But I'm just tired now and I have to go home and I wasn't going to keep sitting there waiting for you," she could say something like "Took you long enough. I'm heading out now." Additionally, the scene could benefit from more physical action and visual cues. For example, showing Chuckie and Billy's bar basketball game and the reactions of the patrons around them, or having Skylar approach Will from a specific direction as she emerges from the crowd. Finally, the transition between the end of the bar scene and the boys walking outside could be smoother and clearer, perhaps with a shot of the group leaving the bar or a line of dialogue that indicates their intent to leave.



Scene 9 - Lambeau seeks help from Terry and Will appears in court
INT. M.I.T. BUILDING AND GROUNDS GARAGE -- DAY

Lambeau walks into a small garage facility. The area stores lawn
machinery and various tools. An older man, TERRY (58) sits
behind the desk reading the BOSTON HERALD sports page. Lambeau
has obviously never been here before. He takes in the
surroundings, somewhat uncomfortable. Gets dirty.

LAMBEAU
Excuse me. Is this the buildings and
grounds office?

TERRY
Yeah, can I help you?

LAMBEAU
I'm trying to find the name of a student
who works here.

TERRY
No students work for me.

LAMBEAU
Could you just check, because the young
man who works in my building--

TERRY
Which one's your building?

LAMBEAU
Building two.

Terry checks a list behind his [own] desk. Looks up.

TERRY
Well, if something was stolen, I should
know about it.

LAMBEAU
No, no. Nothing like that. I just need
his name. TERRY I can't give you his
name unless you have a complaint.

LAMBEAU
Please, I'm a professor here and it's
very important.

TERRY
Well, he didn't show up for work
today...

Terry takes a beat. Holding all the cards.

TERRY (cont'd)
Look, he got his job through his P.O. so
you can call him.

Terry goes through a stack of paper on his desk. Takes out a
card and hands it to Lambeau. Lambeau looks blankly at the card
which reads: "PAROLE EMPLOYMENT PROGRAM."
INT. COURTROOM -- DAY

Will stands before JUDGE MALONE (40) being arraigned. It is
fairly unceremoniuous, the coutroom nearly empty, save Will and
the PROSECUTOR. Lambeau walks in from the back.

WILL
There is a lengthy legal precedent, Your
Honor, going back to 1789, whereby a
defendent may claim self-defense against
an agent of the government where the act
is shown to be a defense against
tyranny, a defense of liberty--

The Judge interrupts to address the prosecutor.

JUDGE MALONE
Mr. Simmons, Officer McNeely who signed
the complaint isn't in my courtroom. Why
is that?

PROSECUTOR
He's in the hospital with a broken knee,
Your Honor. But I have depositions from
the other officers.

WILL
Henry Ward Beecher proclaimed, in his
Proverbs From Plymouth Pulpit back in
1887, that "Every American citizen is by
birth, a sworn officer of the state.
Every man is a policeman." As for the
other officers, even William Congrave
said; "he that first cries out 'stop
thief' is 'oft he that has stolen the
treasure."

PROSECUTOR
Your Honor--

Will cranks it up.

WILL
(to Prosecutor)
I am afforded the right to speak in my
own defense by our constitution, Sir.
The same document which guarantees my
right to liberty. "Liberty," in case
you've forgotten, is "the soul's right
to breathe, and when it cannot take a
long breath laws are girded too tight.
Without liberty, man is a syncope."
(beat, to Judge)
Ibid. Your Honor.

PROSECUTOR
Man is a what?
WILL
Julius Caesar proclaimed-- Though he be
wounded--"Magna..."

The Judge interrupts.

JUDGE MALONE
Son,
(a beat)
My turn.

The Judge opens Will's CASE HISTORY.

JUDGE MALONE (cont'd)
(reading)
June, '93, assault, Sept. '93
assault...Grand theft auto February '94.

A beat, the Judge takes particular notice.

JUDGE MALONE (cont'd)
Where, appearantly, you defended
yourself and had the case thrown out by
citing "free property rights of horse
and carriage" from 1798...

Lambeau has to smile, impressed. The Judge shakes his head.

JUDGE MALONE (cont'd)
March, '94 public drunkenness, public
nudity, assault. 10/94 mayhem. November
'94, assault. Jan. '95 impersonating a
police officer, mayhem, theft,
resisting-- overturned--

The Judge takes a beat. Gives Will a look.

JUDGE MALONE (cont'd)
You're in my courtroom, now and I am
aware of your priors.
(beat)
I'm also aware that you're an orphan. You've been through
several foster homes. The state removed you from three because
of serious physical abuse.

The Judge holds a look to Will, who looks down.

JUDGE MALONE (cont'd)
Another Judge might care. You hit a cop,
you go in.
(beat)
Motion to dismiss denied.

The Bailiff goes to remove Will from the courtroom.

JUDGE MALONE (cont'd)
Keep workin' on your arguments, son. A
word of advice for trial; speak English.
As Will is removed from the courtroom, Lambeau approaches Judge
Malone who is stepping down from the bench.

LAMBEAU
Excuse me, your Honor.
(offers hand)
Gerald Lambeau.

An awkward beat. Lambeau waits for some sign of recognition.

LAMBEAU (cont'd)
I'm a professor at M.I.T.
(beat)
Combunatorial Mathematics.

The Judge offers only a blank look.

JUDGE MALONE
Oh. Pleased to meet you.

LAMBEAU
Do you have a minute?

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary Lambeau is trying to find a student who works in the buildings and grounds office, and goes to the garage facility where Terry is. Terry is unable to find the student's name unless Lambeau has a complaint. Meanwhile, Will is being arraigned in court, and he cites legal precedents to defend himself against the charge of assault.
Strengths "The scene is well-written with a good balance of dialogue and action. The character of Will is intriguing and his defense of himself in court is compelling."
Weaknesses "The scene feels a bit disjointed with the split focus on Lambeau and Will. The dialogue can be a bit heavy-handed at times."

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8


Story Content

Concept: 7

Plot: 9

Originality: 0


Character Development

Characters: 8

Character Changes: 0

Internal Goal: 0

External Goal: 0


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

Opposition: 0

High Stakes: 0

Story Forward: 0

Unpredictability: 0

Philosophical Conflict: 0


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

Dialogue: 8

Engagement: 0

Pacing: 0


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 0

Structure: 0


Critique Overall, the scene is well-written with a clear purpose. It establishes the location and introduces the character of Terry, who provides information about Will's employment status. However, there are a few areas that could be improved:

- The dialogue between Lambeau and Terry is somewhat stilted and could benefit from more natural phrasing. For example, Lambeau's initial line of "Excuse me. Is this the buildings and grounds office?" feels awkward and could be rephrased to sound more conversational.
- Terry's introduction could be more visually descriptive to better establish his character. Right now, the only detail we get is that he's an older man. Including more specific details, such as his appearance or tone of voice, would help bring him to life.
- The transition from the garage to the courtroom is a bit jarring. It would be helpful to have a clear indication of how much time has passed between scenes (e.g. a time stamp, a shot of the exterior of the courthouse, etc.).
- Will's dialogue in the courtroom is quite verbose and could be trimmed down for clarity. While his speech is meant to establish his intelligence and knowledge, it comes across as slightly pretentious and could benefit from being more concise. Additionally, some of the historical references he makes may not resonate with modern audiences, which could detract from the impact of his argument.
- There could be more visual element to show Will's reaction to the judge bringing up his past. Right now, the scene primarily consists of dialogue without much physical action, which can make it feel less dynamic. Incorporating more visual cues (such as a close-up of Will's face, a reaction shot from Lambeau, etc.) could help keep the scene interesting and engaging.

Overall, these are relatively minor critiques. The scene effectively serves its purpose of establishing important information about Will's employment status and setting up the conflict to come. With some minor tweaks to dialogue and visuals, it could be even stronger.
Suggestions The scene has some potential but could benefit from a few adjustments. Firstly, the dialogue between Lambeau and Terry seems somewhat stilted and could be made more engaging. Terry could be given some more personality to make the interaction more interesting. Additionally, Lambeau's discomfort in the new environment could be shown more clearly through his actions rather than telling the audience that he is uncomfortable.

In the courtroom scene, Will's dialogue seems verbose and could be simplified to make it clearer and more impactful. The Judge's reaction to Will's long-winded defense could also be shown more clearly to make the scene more engaging. Finally, the conversation between Lambeau and Judge Malone seems awkward and could benefit from more natural-sounding dialogue.



Scene 10 - Probation and Psychology
INT. MIDDLESEX COUNTY JAIL, HOLDING AREA -- SAME

A GUARD walks Will down a hallway toward a group of phones.

GUARD
One call, to an attorney.
(beat)
One.

The Guard gives Will a hard look for a beat. Then leaves.

WILL
How many?

Will picks up the phone, dials.

WILL (cont'd)
Hey, Skylar?


INT. SKYLAR'S DORM -- DAY

SKYLAR
Yeah?

WILL
It's Will, the really funny good looking
guy you met at the bar?

SKYLAR
I'm sorry, I don't recall meeting anyone
who fits that description.
WILL
Okay, you got me. It's the ugly,
obnoxious, toothless loser who got drunk
and wouldn't leave you alone all night.

SKYLAR
Oh Will! I was wondering when you'd
call.

WILL
Yeah, I figured maybe sometime this week
we could go to a cafe and have some
caramels.

SKYLAR
Sounds good, where are you now?

WILL
You aren't, by any chance, Pre-law? Are
you?

CUT TO:


INT. MIDDLESEX COUNTY JAIL, INTERROGATION ROOM -- LATER

Professor Lambeau sits, waiting. Will is brought in, shackled,
by the guard.

LAMBEAU
Hello. Gerald Lambeau, M.I.T.

WILL
Fuck do you want?

LAMBEAU
I've spoken with the judge and he's
agreed to release you under my
supervision.

WILL
(suspicious)
Really?

LAMBEAU
(beat)
Yes. Under two conditions.

WILL
What're those?

LAMBEAU
That you meet with me twice a week—
(a beat)
- and you meet with a therapist.
WILL
If I agree to this, I walk right now?

LAMBEAU
That's right.

WILL
I'll do the work. I'm not going to meet
with a therapist.

LAMBEAU
Now, it won't be as bad as it sounds,
Will.
(beat)
I've already spoken to one therapist,
his name is Henry Lipkin and he's a
friend of mine. He's also published four
books and is widely considered to be one
of the brightest men in his field.
(beat)
I'm sure it'll be better than spending
the next six months in jail.

CUT TO:


INT. FUNLAND -- DAY

Will and Chuckie walk up to an enclosed trampoline. Billy and
Morgan prefer to use it for their own version of "Wrestlemania."
As Will and Chuckie approach, Billy is on top of a bloodied
Morgan and has him in the "Cobra Clutch." Will and Chuckie watch
for a beat. Billy tightens his grip.

BILLY
Submit, bitch! Submit! Submit!

MORGAN
(being strangled)
Suck my cock!

BILLY
Oh, Morgan!

Chuckie turns to Will, conspiratorially as they wait for the
fight to finish.

CHUCKIE
What'd you get? You get leniency?

WILL
Probation, counselin', few days a week.

CHUCKIE
You're fuckin' good.

Will smiles.
CHUCKIE (cont'd)
Just submit, Morgan. He's got you in the
Cobra Clutch.

MORGAN
(to Chuckie)
Fuck your mother too!


INT. WILL'S APARTMENT -- NIGHT

Will sits alone in his one room apartment, reading. A closer
look reveals he is reading a self-help PSYCHOLOGY BOOK. Will is
flipping through the book at about a page per second. He shakes
his head and smiles. Upon finishing the book, he throws it in a
nearby WASTEBASKET. Push in on the back of the book where a
SMILING PSYCHOLOGIST is pictured.
Genres: ["Drama","Comedy"]

Summary Will is given probation and counseling under the supervision of Professor Lambeau. He is not willing to meet with a therapist, but Lambeau convinces him by introducing him to his friend, a well-known therapist. Later at Funland, Will and Chuckie watch Billy choke Morgan while practicing their wrestling moves. In his apartment, Will reads and throws away a self-help psychology book.
Strengths "The dialogue adds humor to the scene, making it more engaging. The introduction of the therapist gives insight into Will's character and shows his resistance to getting help."
Weaknesses "The scene lacks significant conflict and the setting does not add to the story."

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8


Story Content

Concept: 9

Plot: 8

Originality: 0


Character Development

Characters: 9

Character Changes: 0

Internal Goal: 0

External Goal: 0


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

Opposition: 0

High Stakes: 0

Story Forward: 0

Unpredictability: 0

Philosophical Conflict: 0


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

Dialogue: 8

Engagement: 0

Pacing: 0


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 0

Structure: 0


Critique Overall, the scene seems well-written, with good dialogue and clear characterizations. The first half of the scene, with Will making a phone call and then being brought in for a meeting with Professor Lambeau, effectively sets up the second half of the scene and the conflict that arises. Will's reluctance to meet with a therapist is believable and understandable, given the character's previous aversion to psychiatric help. The humor in the scene, particularly in the conversation between Will and Skylar, is also well-executed and adds a lightness to the otherwise serious topic of incarceration and rehabilitation.

One possible issue with the scene, however, is the lack of visual description and action. The majority of the scene takes place in a single location (the jail), with only a brief cutaway to Skylar's dorm and Funland. Some more interesting camera angles or movements could have added dynamism to the scene and helped to break up the monotony of a single setting. Additionally, while the dialogue itself is well-crafted, there is little description of the characters' physical actions or mannerisms, which could make the scene feel more vivid and immersive.

Overall, the scene is a strong example of a dialogue-driven exchange that moves the story forward and reveals aspects of the characters' personalities and motivations. With some tweaks to the visual elements, it could be even more engaging and compelling.
Suggestions Here are some suggestions to improve the scene:

1. Make the dialogue more concise and impactful: The dialogue in the scene could be more concise and impactful by removing unnecessary dialogue and focusing on the key points that move the story forward. For example, the conversation with Skylar could be shorter and could focus on their plans to meet, rather than Will's attempts to impress her with his humor.

2. Increase the tension and conflict: The scene could be improved by increasing the tension and conflict between Will and Lambeau. This could be done by making Lambeau's offer conditional on Will agreeing to see a therapist and adding more resistance from Will. This would make Lambeau's offer more of a negotiation and add more stakes to the scene.

3. Develop the characters further: The scene could benefit from more character development for Will and Lambeau. This could be done by adding more details about their background and motivations. For example, why is Lambeau willing to take on Will as a supervisor, and what are his own personal struggles?

4. Add more visual details to the scene: The scene could be improved by adding more visual details to make the setting and characters more vivid. For example, what does the jail holding area look like, and how do the characters interact with their surroundings? Adding more visual details would help the audience to immerse themselves in the story and feel more invested in the characters.



Scene 11 - The Psychologist's Truth
INT. PSYCHOLOGIST'S OFFICE -- CONTINUOUS

Will sits in a well decorated Psychologist's Office. Across from
Will sits the same PSYCHOLOGIST, HENRY LIPKIN (40), from the
book. They are in mid-session.

WILL
That's why I love stock-car racin'. That
Dale Ernhart's real good.

PSYCHOLOGIST
Now you know Will, and I know, what you
need to be doing. You have a gift.

WILL
I could work the pit maybe, but I could
never drive like Dale Ernhart--

PSYCHOLOGIST
--you have a quality-- something you
were born with, that you have no control
over- and you are, in a sense, hiding
that by becoming a janitor. And I'm not
saying that's wrong. I'm friends with
the janitor that works in my building.
He's been to my house for dinner. As a
matter of fact I did some free
consultation for "Mike" -- that's not
his real name. That's in my book.

WILL
Yeah, I read your book. "Mike" had the
same problems as "Chad" the stockbroker.
PSYCHOLOGIST
Yes. The pressures you feel, and again,
I am neither labeling nor judging them,
are keeping you from fulfilling your
potential -- you're in a rut. So stop
the Tom Foolery -- the Shenanigan's,
Will.

WILL
You're right. I know.

PSYCHOLOGIST
Will, your not getting off that easy.

WILL
No, but, I mean you know...I do other
things. That no one knows about.

PSYCHOLOGIST
Like what, Will?

WILL
I go places, I interact.

PSYCHOLOGIST
What places?

WILL
Certain, clubs.
(beat)
Like, Paradise. It's not bad.

Will gives the Psychologist a furtive look.

WILL (cont'd)
It's just that feeling when you can
take your shirt off and really dance.
(beat)
When the music owns you. Do you
understand?

PSYCHOLOGIST
I might understand that.

WILL
Do you find it hard to hide the fact
that you're gay?

PSYCHOLOGIST
What?

WILL
C'mon, I read your book. I talked to
you. It's just something I know to be
true.

PSYCHOLOGIST
That's very presumptuous.
WILL
Buddy, two seconds ago you were ready to
give me a jump.

PSYCHOLOGIST
(a little laugh)
Well, I'm sorry to disappoint you, but
I'm married and I have two children.

WILL
I'm sure you do. You probably got a real
nice house, nice car -- your book's a
best seller.

PSYCHOLOGIST
You're getting defensive, Will.

WILL
Look, man. I don't care if you're
putting from the rough. There are solid
arguments that some of the greatest
people in history were gay; Alexander
the Great, Caeser, Shakespeare, Oscar
Wilde, Napoleon, Gertrude Stein, not to
mention Danny Terrio, not many straight
men can dance like that.

PSYCHOLOGIST
Who is "Danny Terrio?"

WILL
If you wanna hit "Ramrod," take your
shot. Take some pride in it. You go to
church? So fuckin' what, God loves you.
I mean, Christ. A guy as well known as
you? By the time you put your disguise
on and skulk out of the house Sunday
nights you probably look like "Inspector
Cluseau."

The Psychologist calmly packs his things.

PSYCHOLOGIST
Well, I can see this is pointless...

WILL
You're getting defensive...Henry. And
hey, cheif--tell the wife, at least.
Christ, set her free.

The shrink gets up and walks out.

WILL (cont'd)
Fuckin' hypocrite...
INT. HALLWAY -- CONTINUOUS

The Psychologist comes walking out, much to the surprise of
Lambeau and Tom who have been waiting in the lobby.

LAMBEAU
Henry?

The Psychologist keeps walking.

PSYCHOLOGIST
No. You know what, Gerry? This is why I
don't do pro-bono anymore. It's not
worth it to me.

LAMBEAU
What happened?

PSYCHOLOGIST
I don't have the time. I'm going on
national television this week.

LAMBEAU
Wait a minute, Henry...

He [Henry] is out the door. Lambeau looks to Tom.

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary Will opens up to his psychologist about his love for stock-car racing and his hidden activities at clubs. The psychologist encourages Will to stop hiding his potential as a janitor and stop Tom Foolery to fulfill his potential. However, their session ends abruptly when Will accuses the psychologist of being gay.
Strengths "The dialogue is witty and thought-provoking, creating an intriguing dynamic between the two characters. Will's vulnerability is raw and relatable, creating a deeper emotional connection with the audience."
Weaknesses "The scene ends abruptly, leaving the audience with little closure and questions about the psychologist's sexuality."

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8


Story Content

Concept: 8

Plot: 7

Originality: 0


Character Development

Characters: 8

Character Changes: 0

Internal Goal: 0

External Goal: 0


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

Opposition: 0

High Stakes: 0

Story Forward: 0

Unpredictability: 0

Philosophical Conflict: 0


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

Dialogue: 9

Engagement: 0

Pacing: 0


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 0

Structure: 0


Critique As a screenwriting expert, this scene needs some improvement in terms of realistic dialogue and character development. The conversation between Will and Dr. Lipkin lacks authenticity and depth. For example, the transition from talking about stock-car racing to Will's potential feels very abrupt and forced. Additionally, the reveal of Dr. Lipkin's sexuality seems like a sudden plot twist that is not explored or developed further.

Moreover, the scene lacks proper formatting and visual description. The stage directions are minimal, and it's unclear where each character is seated. There are also no clear indications of their body language or facial expressions, which make it more difficult for the actors to portray their characters effectively.

Finally, the scene needs to be more concise and focused on advancing the story's plot. There are unnecessary dialogues and actions that only distract from the overall narrative. An effective screenwriting should always prioritize the story's flow and pacing.

Overall, this scene needs a lot of improvement in terms of dialogue, character development, formatting, and plot advancement.
Suggestions Some suggestions to improve the scene are:

1. Make the dialogue more natural: The current dialogue sounds too scripted. Try to make it sound more like a real conversation.

2. Build more tension: There is not much tension in the current scene. Try to create more conflict between the characters to make the scene more interesting.

3. Add more physical action: The scene is mostly dialogue-based. Try to add some physical action to make the scene more dynamic.

4. Develop the characters further: The characters in the scene could be developed further. Try to give them more depth and make their motivations clearer.

5. Work on the pacing: The scene could be paced better. Try to make the scene flow more smoothly by adjusting the timing of the dialogue and action.



Scene 12 - Proving the Rectangle
INT. LAMBEAU'S OFFICE -- DAY

Will is in Lambeau's office. Lambeau is at the board, working on
a diagram as Tom takes notes. Will seems disinterested.

LAMBEAU
This rectangle is subdivided into
rectangles. One edge of an inner
rectangle is an integer. Can you prove
that one edge of the larger rectangle is
an integer?

WILL
Of course.

LAMBEAU
Okay. How?

WILL
It's an integer proof.

Lambeau smiles.

WILL (cont'd)
What? Hey, look buddy my time's almost
up. You want me to sit here for an hour
and write it out?
Lambeau says nothing. Will gets up and goes to the board.

WILL (cont'd)
Look, I'll give you the key steps to it
but I'm not gonna do the whole thing.

Lambeau keeps smiling.

LAMBEAU
That would be a monumental waste of
time, wouldn't it, Will?

WILL
I think so.

LAMBEAU
I happen to know so.

Lambeau rises and goes to the board.

LAMBEAU (cont'd)
You're thinking too hard. What if I did
this?

He draws a vertical line through the diagram.

LAMBEAU (cont'd)
Now, what if I do this?

He draws a horizontal line through the diagram. He hands Will
the chalk.

LAMBEAU (cont'd)
Have you ever played checkers?

Will realizes what Lambeau is getting at. In a flash he starts
drawing lines through the diagram, energized.

WILL
You color-code it. Half-red, half-
black. If that's an integer--

Lambeau steps in, writing with him [Will].

LAMBEAU
What's that?

WILL
Half-red, half-black--

LAMBEAU
--that?--

WILL
--Half-red, half-black--

LAMBEAU
--That edge!
WILL
An integer.

The two stop. They are silent for a moment. Like two gunfighters
after a duel, they put down the chalk.

LAMBEAU
(checks his watch)
It would appear we got that proof in
under the wire after all. It's not how
hard you look at things, young man, it's
the way you look at them. If you take
aim before you fire, you will find the
most difficult problems become, quite
literally, child's play.

Will gets his coat.

LAMBEAU (cont'd)
Will, you've managed to offend four of
my colleagues so much that they refused
to come back. You're meeting with the
leading hypnotist in the country next
week and Tom and I plan to sit in on the
sessions, so I expect you to behave
appropriately.

CUT TO:


INT. LAMBEAU'S OFFICE -- DAY

Will sits in a chair across from Lambeau and the HYPNOTIST.
Lambeau's assistant, TOM (33) takes notes. The Hypnotist makes
small talk with Lambeau, who checks his watch.

LAMBEAU
Shall we start the, uh...

WILL
Yeah, when do I get my hypnosis? You
guys been talkin' for twenty minutes.

HYPNOTIST
Yes, Will. We'll get to that. But first,
why don't you go to sleep for me.

He SNAPS HIS FINGERS and instantly Will's head goes BACK and his
EYES CLOSE. The Hypnotist gives Lambeau a look.

HYPNOTIST (cont'd)
Would you mind standing on one leg?

Will gets up and stands on one leg. Lambeau is impressed.

TIME CUT TO:
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary Will shows off his mathematical prowess to Lambeau and gains his approval. Afterwards, he attends a hypnosis session with Lambeau and a hypnotist.
Strengths "The scene showcases Will's intelligence and gives insight into his relationship with Lambeau."
Weaknesses "The hypnosis subplot feels disconnected from the rest of the scene."

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8


Story Content

Concept: 8

Plot: 7

Originality: 0


Character Development

Characters: 8

Character Changes: 0

Internal Goal: 0

External Goal: 0


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 4

Opposition: 0

High Stakes: 0

Story Forward: 0

Unpredictability: 0

Philosophical Conflict: 0


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 5

Dialogue: 8

Engagement: 0

Pacing: 0


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 0

Structure: 0


Critique Overall, this scene seems to be well-written and effective in its purpose of demonstrating Will's intelligence and ability to solve complex mathematical problems. The dialogue is snappy and engaging, and the characters are well-drawn.

One potential issue with the scene is that the problem Lambeau presents to Will may be too difficult and technical for many viewers to follow, which could make the scene feel confusing or frustrating. Additionally, the solution to the problem, which involves drawing lines through the diagram to create a checkerboard pattern, may feel arbitrary or contrived to some viewers.

Another issue with the scene is that the sudden shift from discussing the mathematical problem to the hypnosis session feels somewhat jarring and disconnected. While the hypnosis session is presumably related to Will's personal issues and his reluctance to engage with others, this connection is not made clear within the scene itself.

Overall, while this scene has some strengths in terms of its dialogue and characterization, it could benefit from greater clarity and coherence in terms of its larger purpose within the story.
Suggestions There are several ways to improve this scene:

1. Work on making the dialogue more natural and clear. Some of the lines, such as "It's an integer proof," can be confusing or feel stilted. Clarifying these lines and making them sound more like how real people talk can help the scene flow better.

2. Consider adding more visual elements to the scene. As it stands, the scene consists mainly of characters talking to each other. Adding more visual cues, such as close-ups of the diagram or shots of Will drawing on the board, can help break up the scene and make it more engaging to watch.

3. Build more tension and conflict into the scene. While there is a bit of back-and-forth between Lambeau and Will, there isn't a strong sense of conflict or urgency driving the scene forward. Finding ways to raise the stakes or add more tension can make the scene more compelling.

4. Consider streamlining the dialogue to focus on the key points of the scene. While the conversation about the diagram is important, it may be possible to condense it or cut some of the less essential dialogue in order to make the scene move more quickly and efficiently.



Scene 13 - Hypnotic Regression
INT. LAMBEAU'S OFFICE -- LATER

Will is reclining, eyes closed, in a trance-like state. The mood
is more serious now.

HYPNOTIST
Okay, you're in your bed, Will. Now how
old are you?

WILL
Seven.

HYPNOTIST
And what do you see?

WILL
Somethin's in my room.

HYPNOTIST
What is it?

WILL
It's like a small figure, hoverin' over
me. Gettin' closer.

Will flinches.

HYPNOTIST
You're in a safe place, Will.

WILL
It's touching me.

Lambeau makes a sound. The Hypnotist shushes him [Lambeau] with
his [Hypnotist's] finger. Tom returns to his note-taking.

HYPNOTIST
Where is it touching you?

WILL
Down there.
(indicating genitals)
And I'm nervous.

HYPNOTIST
You don't have to be nervous, Will.

Lambeau and the Therapist trade looks. This is working.

WILL
'Cause I'm not ready.
(calming)
But the figure tells me everything's
gonna be all right. 'Cause the figure's
a Libra too. And we start dancin' and
it's beautiful--

Will breaks into song at full volume.
WILL (cont'd)
"SKY ROCKETS IN FLIGHT!"

LAMBEAU
(getting up)
Oh Jesus.

The Hypnotist gets up and starts heading towards the door. Will
is still singing from "Sky Rockets."

LAMBEAU (cont'd)
Wait a minute, Barry.

HYPNOTIST
I have better ways to spend my time.

He is gone. Will stops singing, laughs.

LAMBEAU
Oh, for God's sake, Will.

WILL
Oh, come on! You're not pinnin' this one
on me. He left, I wanted to talk to him
for another twenty minutes. I was havin'
fun.

LAMBEAU
I told you to cooperate with these
people.

WILL
C'mon, that guy was a fuckin' piece of
work.

Will gets up and adopts a hypnotic persona in front of Lambeau.

WILL (cont'd)
(spooky voice)
Look into my eyes. I don't need therapy.

LAMBEAU
Get out, Will.

WILL
Okay...don't forget to get another
therapist for next week.

LAMBEAU
That's enough.

Will is out the door. Lambeau turns to Tom.

TOM
I called Mel Weintraub this morning, to
check for availability.
LAMBEAU
What's the point?

TOM
What do you want to do?

LAMBEAU
There is somebody...

TOM
Who is he?

LAMBEAU
He was my roommate in college.
Genres: ["Drama","Comedy"]

Summary Will is taken through a hypnotic regression session with a therapist and a hypnotist. The scene is a mix of seriousness and comedy.
Strengths "Well-written dialogue and strong performances from the actors."
Weaknesses "Scene lacks significant plot development, and emotional impact."

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8


Story Content

Concept: 7

Plot: 7

Originality: 0


Character Development

Characters: 8

Character Changes: 0

Internal Goal: 0

External Goal: 0


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 5

Opposition: 0

High Stakes: 0

Story Forward: 0

Unpredictability: 0

Philosophical Conflict: 0


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

Dialogue: 9

Engagement: 0

Pacing: 0


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 0

Structure: 0


Critique As a screenwriting expert, I would critique this scene as follows:

The scene is interesting, dramatic, and humorous, but it raises several ethical concerns. The Hypnotist seems to be encouraging Will to re-live a traumatic experience without adequately preparing for its emotional impact. Moreover, the scene includes an inappropriate joke about sexual abuse that could offend some viewers. While Will's reaction to the Hypnotist's technique is entertaining, it trivializes the pain of survivors of childhood abuse by treating them as a comedic device.

In terms of character development, the scene reveals Will's reluctance to confront his past and his tendency to use humor as a coping mechanism. At the same time, the scene reinforces the stereotype of therapists as ineffectual and irrelevant, which can discourage people from seeking help.

In terms of plot, the scene establishes the tension between Lambeau and Will and sets up the conflict between Lambeau's desire to help Will and Will's resistance to change. The scene also introduces the possibility of a new therapist, who is likely to play a significant role in the story.

Overall, the scene has some strengths in terms of drama and comedy, but it also has some weaknesses in terms of ethics and stereotypes. To make the scene more effective, the screenwriter could focus on the emotions and motivations of the characters, avoid insensitive jokes, and provide a more nuanced portrayal of therapy.
Suggestions As a screenwriting expert, here are some suggestions to improve the scene:

1. Improve the transition: The first thing that needs improvement is the transition from the previous scene to this one. You have to show some sort of continuity or link that leads the audience from the previous scene to this one. You can use a sound effect, a visual cue, or a dialogue.

2. Increase tension: You want to increase the tension at the start of the scene. To do this, you can create a sense of unease in the audience by using darker lighting, eerie music, or a close-up on Will's face to create a sense of unease.

3. Add more actions: There are not many actions described in the scene. You can add more actions that contribute to the story, the character's motives, or the world-building. For example, you can show Lambeau's reaction to Will's behavior or show Tom's reaction to the hypnotism.

4. Use more descriptive language: As a screenwriter, it is important to use descriptive language to create vivid images in the mind of the reader and audience. Use more descriptive language throughout the scene to make it more engaging and enjoyable.

5. Make the dialogue more dynamic: The dialogue could use some work to make it more dynamic. The hypnotist's dialogue seems robotic and uninspired. Instead, create a more dynamic interplay between Will and the hypnotist. Use their dialogue to reveal more about their characters, their motivations, and their goals.



Scene 14 - Sean Maguire's Resignation
INT. BUNKER HILL CAMPUS -- DAY

This is SEAN MAGUIRE'S "Dying and Bereavement" class. Emblazoned
on the door is "room 101." While the lecture hall could hold
sixty students, there are less than fifteen here today.

Sean Maguire lectures to the class in a resigned tone. Tired of
teaching, tired of life, he finds himself resigned to the tedium
of teaching core classes to an indifferent student body.

SEAN
Establishing trust is the most important
component in making breakthroughs with a
patient. Why?

A beat.

SEAN (cont'd)
Maureen?

MAUREEN'S only response is an empty stare.

SEAN (cont'd)
Keep up the good work, Maureen. Vinnie?

VINNIE looks up.

VINNIE
Because trust is an important thing.

SEAN
Don't bullshit me, Vinnie. Didn't your
brother give you the notes? Okay. If a
patient doesn't trust you then they
won't feel safe enough to be honest with
you--then there's no point to them being
in therapy. It's like saying -- "Fine,
come here and don't tell me a thing but
go home feeling like you're doing
something about your problems-- and give
me my fifty bucks before you leave will
ya'!"
He looks around the room for approval. No one is listening.

SEAN (cont'd)
If you don't help them trust you -- then
there's no way you'll ever get them to
sleep with you. And that should be the
goal of any good therapist. Insecure
women, you know...nail 'em when they're
vulnerable, that's always been my motto.

The students look up, somewhat stunned.

SEAN (cont'd)
See, I got Vinnie's attention.

Laughter. Sean starts to resume his lecture, when he notices
LAMBEAU standing in the back of the room. There is an awkward
moment.

SEAN (cont'd)
Gerry.

LAMBEAU
Sean.

SEAN
(to class)
Well, it seems we're in the presence of
greatness. Professor Gerald Lambeau is a
Field's Medal winner. Combunatorial
Mathematics. 1986.

The students stare blankly.

LAMBEAU
Hello.

SEAN
The Field's Medal is the Nobel Prize for
math.
(beat)
But it's only given out every four
years.

A beat.

SEAN (cont'd)
Okay, that's all for today. Try and get
through Fernald by Monday.

The class starts to pack up and file out. Lambeau approaches
Sean who steps down from the lecturn.

LAMBEAU
Good to see you.

SEAN
Good to see you.
LAMBEAU
Is there someplace we can talk?

CUT TO:


EXT. HARVARD SQUARE -- NIGHT

Will and Skylar on their first date. They watch a street
MAGICIAN doing tricks with a rabbit. The guy's tricks are pretty
good, but his on-stage persona could use some work. He is
incessantly repeating the phrase "this is the rabbit, the rabbit
really does the tricks." Will gives Skylar a look and they move
on.

CUT TO:


INT. TOY STORE -- LATER

Will and Skylar walk into the small shop.

SKYLAR
I don't know, it was just kind of the
boring suburban thing. Private school,
Harvard, and now Med. School.
(Beat)
I actually figured out that at the end
of it, my brain will be worth a quarter
of a million dollars. I shouldn't have
told you that...

WILL
I bet your parents were happy to pay.

SKYLAR
I was happy to pay. I inherited the
money.

WILL
Is Harvard gettin' all that money?

SKYLAR
Stanford. I'm leaving in June after I
graduate.

WILL
So you just want to use me and go?

SKYLAR
Well, I'm gonna experiment on you for my
anatomy class, then go.

WILL
In that case, fine.
(beat)
Want to see my magic trick?
SKYLAR
Sure.

Will, pulls out a bulging HANDFUL OF CARAMELS.

WILL
Now, I'm gonna make all these caramels
disappear.

SKYLAR
Okay...

Will goes into all manner of hocus-pocus theatrics. Then shakes
his hand wildly. The trick doesn't pan out and the caramels go
flying all over the store. Skylar laughs.

WILL
It works better when I have my rabbit.

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Drama","Comedy"]

Summary Sean Maguire, tired of teaching, lectures to a disinterested class about the importance of trust in making breakthroughs with patients. He tries to inject humor into the lecture, but it falls flat. He then notices Professor Gerald Lambeau in the back of the room and ends the class. In a later scene, Will and Skylar go on their first date and Will attempts to impress her with a magic trick that doesn't work out.
Strengths "The scene effectively captures Sean's disillusionment with teaching and hints at his dark sense of humor. The clash between Sean's lecture, which should be serious, and his off-color jokes adds an interesting layer to the scene. The later scene with Will and Skylar is a nice contrast to the classroom setting and gives the audience a break from the heavy subject matter."
Weaknesses "The scene is somewhat slow-paced and doesn't have a lot of action. It's mostly just Sean lecturing to a disinterested class. Also, the attempted magic trick by Will doesn't really add much to the scene."

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 7


Story Content

Concept: 6

Plot: 7

Originality: 0


Character Development

Characters: 8

Character Changes: 0

Internal Goal: 0

External Goal: 0


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 5

Opposition: 0

High Stakes: 0

Story Forward: 0

Unpredictability: 0

Philosophical Conflict: 0


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

Dialogue: 7

Engagement: 0

Pacing: 0


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 0

Structure: 0


Critique Overall, the scene seems to be well-written and interesting, but there are a few areas where it could be improved:

1. The characterization of Sean Maguire comes across as a bit inconsistent. He starts the scene sounding resigned and tired of teaching, but then makes inappropriate jokes about sleeping with vulnerable patients. It's not clear whether this is meant to show him as a jaded and cynical teacher, or just a bad one. To make the character more believable, it would be helpful to establish early on whether he sees himself as a competent teacher who is frustrated with his students, or a disillusioned one who has given up on trying to connect.

2. The transition from Sean Maguire's class to Will and Skylar's date is abrupt and disjointed. There's no clear connection or continuity between the two scenes, and it feels like they were inserted into the script without a clear purpose. To make the shift more effective, it would be helpful to establish a clearer connection or parallel between what the characters are discussing in each scene, or to find another way to bridge the gap between them.

3. The dialogue in the Will and Skylar scene feels a bit generic and unremarkable. There's nothing particularly memorable or interesting about what they're saying to each other, and it doesn't do much to reveal their characters or advance the story. To make the scene more engaging, it would be helpful to explore their personalities and motivations more deeply, and to give them more distinctive and memorable dialogue.
Suggestions There are a few possible suggestions for improving this scene:

1. Make the classroom setting more visually interesting. Perhaps there could be more props or visual aids in the room, or the camera could move around to show different angles of the students and teacher.

2. Heighten the tension between Sean Maguire and Gerry Lambeau by giving them a more specific conflict or history. Right now their interaction is fairly neutral, which makes the scene feel a bit flat.

3. Consider whether the joke about therapists sleeping with insecure women is appropriate or necessary. It could come across as sexist or offensive, which might turn off some viewers.

4. Develop the conversation between Will and Skylar more fully. Right now it's mostly small talk without much depth or tension. It might be more interesting if they had more of a disagreement or debate about something.

5. Find a way to tie the two scenes together more effectively. Right now they feel relatively unrelated to each other, which can make the overall narrative structure feel a bit disjointed.



Scene 15 - Reunion and First Date
INT. LOCKOBER RESTAURANT -- NIGHT

Lambeau and Sean share a table at this exclusive restaurant.
Sean seems slightly out of place in his wrinkled sport coat.

LAMBEAU
I didn't see you at the reunion.

SEAN
I've been busy.

LAMBEAU
You were missed.
(beat)
How long has it been since we've seen
each other?

SEAN
Since Nancy died.

LAMBEAU
I'm sorry, that damn conference--

SEAN
I got your card.


INT. HARVARD SQ. DINER: "THE TASTY" -- NIGHT

A FRY COOK hands Will and Skylar a pair of CHEESEBURGERS.

SKYLAR
Have you ever seen Annie Hall?

WILL
No.
SKYLAR
Well, there's this part of the movie
that's about how there's always this
tension on a first date where both
people are thinking about what's going
to happen with the whole 'good night
kiss' thing.

Will smiles.

WILL
I really don't 'date' that much.

SKYLAR
(laughs)
You know what I mean. I know you've at
least thought about it.

WILL
No I haven't...

SKYLAR
Yes you have. You were thinking you were
gonna get a good night kiss.

WILL
(mock protest)
No I wasn't...

SKYLAR
Yes you were.

WILL
I was kinda' hopin' to get a "good night
laid" but...I'll take a kiss.

She laughs.

SKYLAR
Oh, you will?

WILL
No...I was hoping to get a kiss.

SKYLAR
Then why don't we just get it out of the
way.

He looks at her.

WILL
Now?

Both of them have cheeseburger in their mouths.

SKYLAR
Yeah.
They kiss, mouths full of burger. It's nice. A beat.

SKYLAR (cont'd)
That had to be the worst good night
kiss...

Will laughs.

WILL
Hey, look lady, I'm just here for the
free food.

She smiles.

SKYLAR
Free?

WILL
Hey, I spent all my money on those
caramels.

She laughs.

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Drama","Romance"]

Summary Lambeau and Sean catch up after not seeing each other since Nancy's death while in a fancy restaurant. Will and Skylar joke around on their first date at a diner.
Strengths "The dialogue is witty and draws you in. The two scenes contrast each other well."
Weaknesses "The scenes are disconnected and don't move the story forward."

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8


Story Content

Concept: 8

Plot: 7

Originality: 0


Character Development

Characters: 9

Character Changes: 0

Internal Goal: 0

External Goal: 0


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 3

Opposition: 0

High Stakes: 0

Story Forward: 0

Unpredictability: 0

Philosophical Conflict: 0


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

Dialogue: 8

Engagement: 0

Pacing: 0


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 0

Structure: 0


Critique The first scene is well-written and does a good job of establishing the relationship between Lambeau and Sean. The dialogue is natural and the emotions are believable. However, it could benefit from more visual description to create a more dynamic scene.

The second scene also has good dialogue that reflects the playful and flirty nature of the characters, but the action and setting could use more description to add depth and create a more visual scene. Additionally, the cheeseburger detail feels random and detracts from the scene's focus on the characters and their interaction. Overall, both scenes could benefit from more visual description to create a richer cinematic experience.
Suggestions For the first scene, it would be helpful to provide more context for the audience about the relationship between Lambeau and Sean. Are they old friends, colleagues, or former rivals? Are they meeting for a specific reason or is this a chance encounter? Also, the dialogue feels a bit generic and could benefit from more specific language and details that are unique to their relationship.

For the second scene, the dialogue feels a bit forced and unnatural. It may be more effective to have their conversation flow more organically, with the tension building naturally and culminating in the kiss. Additionally, it may be helpful to provide more context for the audience about the characters' backgrounds and motivations, so that their actions and words feel more grounded in their individual experiences. Finally, it may be helpful to incorporate more visual elements and sensory details to create a more vivid and immersive scene for the audience.



Scene 16 - 
INT. LOCKOBER RESTAURANT -- SAME

Lambeau and Sean, having finished their meal. Lambeau has been
pitching Sean.

SEAN
I've been busy, Gerry. I got a full
schedule.

LAMBEAU
This kid's special, Sean. I've never
seen anything like him.

SEAN
Not much free time, Gerry.

LAMBEAU
Have you ever heard of a man named
Ramanujan?

Sean nods his head.

SEAN
Yeah.

LAMBEAU
He was alive over a hundred years ago.
He was Indian. Dots, not feathers...

Sean finishes the joke. Lambeau chuckles.
LAMBEAU (cont'd)
So this Ramanujan lived in a tiny hut in
India. No formal education, no access to
other works. But he came across an old
math book and from this basic text he
was able to extrapolate theories that
had baffled mathematicians for years.

SEAN
And he mailed it to Hardy--

LAMBEAU
--That's right, Sean. He mailed it to a
professor at Cambridge who immediately
recognized the brilliance in his work
and brought Ramanujan to England.

SEAN
Where he contracted pneumonia and died
at a young age--

LAMBEAU
They worked together for the remainder
of their lives, producing some of the
most exciting math theory ever done.
Ramanujan's genius was unparalleled,
Sean. This boy is like that. But he's
very defensive and I need someone who
can get through to him.

SEAN
Why me?

LAMBEAU
I need someone with your kind of
background.

SEAN
My kind of background?

LAMBEAU
You're from the same neighborhood. South
Boston.

SEAN
He's from Southie? How many people did
you try before you came to me?

LAMBEAU
(looks squarely at Sean)
Five.

Sean gives a slight, knowing smile.

SEAN
Who? Barry, Henry, Rick...

Lambeau nods.
SEAN
Not Rick? You didn't send him to Rick?

LAMBEAU
Just meet with the boy once a week.

SEAN
Can we do it at my office?

LAMBEAU
That would be fine.

The waiter comes with the CHECK. Each man reaches for it.

LAMBEAU (cont'd)
Sean, please.

SEAN
I got it.

LAMBEAU
It's on the college.

Sean relents.

CUT TO:


EXT. BUNKER HILL CAMPUS -- MORNING

Establishing shot of the red-brick campus. Planes land at nearby
Logan airport. Will walks up the steps.

CUT TO:
Genres: null

Summary
Strengths null
Weaknesses null

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 0


Story Content

Concept: 0

Plot: 0

Originality: 0


Character Development

Characters: 0

Character Changes: 0

Internal Goal: 0

External Goal: 0


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 0

Opposition: 0

High Stakes: 0

Story Forward: 0

Unpredictability: 0

Philosophical Conflict: 0


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 0

Dialogue: 0

Engagement: 0

Pacing: 0


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 0

Structure: 0


Critique Overall, the scene is well-written and serves its purpose in advancing the plot. However, there are a few areas that could be improved upon.

Firstly, the dialogue between Lambeau and Sean feels a bit too exposition-heavy and one-sided. Lambeau spends most of the scene pitching Sean on why he should work with this "special kid," but we don't really get to see Sean's perspective on the matter. Giving Sean some more agency in the scene would help make it feel more balanced.

Additionally, the joke about Ramanujan feeling dated and a bit insensitive in today's cultural climate. While it might have been acceptable when the movie was released in 1997, it now comes across as potentially insensitive towards Indian people. A modern audience might view this as an unnecessary stereotype.

Finally, the transition between the restaurant scene and the campus scene feels a bit abrupt. Without any sort of establishing shot or scene transition, we are suddenly thrust into a new setting with Will. This could have been handled more smoothly with some sort of visual cue to signal the change in location.

Overall, while the scene does its job in moving the story forward, there are some areas where it could be improved for a modern audience.
Suggestions 1. Add more conflict between Lambeau and Sean to raise the stakes for the audience.
2. Show more of Sean's reluctance to take on this task and any personal reasons that might add to the conflict.
3. Cut down on the exposition to make the scene more concise and engaging.
4. Use visual storytelling to enhance the conversation, such as showing Lambeau's body language when he mentions Ramanujan's genius.
5. Consider adding a new setting or props to make the scene more dynamic.



Scene 17 - Sean and Will's First Meeting
INT. SEAN'S OFFICE -- DAY

Sean's office is comfortable. Books are stacked against the
wall. There is a PAINTING on the wall behind Sean. Sean is
seated behind a desk. Lambeau sits in a chair in the back of the
room, next to Tom. A long beat passes, they wait.

LAMBEAU
Any vulnerability he senses, he'll
exploit.

SEAN
I'll be okay.

LAMBEAU
It's a poker game with this young man.
Don't let him see what you've got.

Sean nods. Will walks in. Everyone stands to greet Will.
LAMBEAU (cont'd)
Hello, Will. Any trouble finding the
place?

WILL
No.

LAMBEAU
Will, this is Sean Maguire. Sean, Will
Hunting.

Sean and Will nod. An awkward moment as the four men stand.

LAMBEAU (cont'd)
Well, let's get started.

WILL
Yeah, let's let the healing begin.

Lambeau is slightly embarrassed. Sean smiles at Will's joke.

SEAN
Would you excuse us?

LAMBEAU
Tom.

SEAN
You too, Gerry.

Lambeau looks at Sean, surprised. Sean's stare is unwavering.
After an awkward moment, Lambeau goes, leaving Sean and Will
alone. Will doesn't look at Sean for more than a second. He
seems more interested in the room. There is a long silence as
Sean watches Will.

SEAN (cont'd)
Hello, Will. I'm Sean Maguire.

A smile crosses Will's face as he walks to his chair and sits.
He lights a cigarette. Sean continues to watch him. Finally-

SEAN (cont'd)
Where are you from in Southie?

WILL
Did you buy all these books retail, or
do you send away for like a "shrink kit"
that comes with all these volumes
included?

SEAN
Have you read all these books, Will?

WILL
Probably not.
SEAN
(indicating a shelf)
How about the ones on that shelf?

Will's eyes flicker up to the shelf for an instant.

WILL
Yeah, I read those.

SEAN
What did you think?

WILL
I'm not here for a fuckin' book report.
They're your books, why don't you read
'em?

SEAN
I did.

WILL
That must have taken you a long time.

SEAN
Yeah, it did take me a long time.

Sean says this with pride. His determined stare and confident
manner catch Will a bit off guard. Will rises from his chair and
goes to the shelf.

WILL
(looking at book)
"A History of the United States, Volume
I." If you want to read a real history
book, read Howard Zinn's "A People's
History of the United States." That book
will knock you on your ass.

SEAN
How about Noam Chomsky's "Manufacturing
Consent?"

WILL
You people baffle me. You spend all this
money on beautiful, fancy books-- and
they're the wrong fuckin' books.

SEAN
You think so?

WILL
Whatever blows your hair back.

Will returns to his chair. Pause.
SEAN
(indicating cigarette)
Guy your age shouldn't smoke so much.
Stunt your growth.

WILL
You're right. It really gets in the way
of my jazzercizing.

Sean does not seem at all affected by Will's attitude. He
remains behind the big desk with almost half a smile on his
face. Will is aware of Sean's confidence.

WILL (cont'd)
Do you lift?

SEAN
Yes, I do.

WILL
Nautilus?

SEAN
Free weights.

WILL
Oh yeah? Me too. What do you bench?

SEAN
285.

WILL
Oh.

Will gets up again and moves around his chair to Sean's
painting. It is a picture of an old sailboat in a tremendous
storm--by no means a masterpiece. Will studies it.

WILL (cont'd)
You paint this?

SEAN
Yeah. Do you paint?

WILL
No.

SEAN
Crayons?

WILL
This is a real piece of shit.

SEAN
Tell me what you really think.
WILL
Poor color composition, lousy use of
space. But that shit doesn't really
concern me.

SEAN
What does?

WILL
The color here, see how dark it is? It's
interesting.

SEAN
What is?

WILL
I think you're one step away from
cutting your ear off.

SEAN
Oh, "Starry Night" time, huh?

WILL
You ever heard the saying, "any port in
a storm?"

SEAN
Sure, how 'bout "still waters run deep"-
-

WILL
--Well, maybe that means you.

SEAN
Maybe what mea--

WILL
Maybe you were in the middle of a
storm, a big fuckin' storm-- the waves
were crashing over the bow, the
Goddamned mast was about to snap, and
you were crying for the harbor. So you
did what you had to do, to get out.
Maybe you became a psychologist.

SEAN
Maybe you should be a patient and sit
down.

WILL
Maybe you married the wrong woman.

SEAN
Watch your mouth.
WILL
That's it isn't it? You married the
wrong woman. She leave you? Was she
bangin' someone else?

Sean is walking slowly towards Will.

WILL (cont'd)
How are the seas now, D--

In a flash, Sean has Will by the throat. Will is helpless.

SEAN
If you ever disrespect my wife again...I
will end you.

WILL
Time's up.

CUT TO:
Genres: ["drama"]

Summary Sean meets Will for the first time in his office. They discuss books, lift weights, and Sean's painting. Will tries to get under Sean's skin by making comments about his personal life, but Sean ends up choking him when he disrespects his wife.
Strengths "The tension and conflict between Sean and Will is palpable. The dialogue is sharp, witty, and revealing of the characters' personalities. The scene effectively sets up the power dynamic between Sean and Will."
Weaknesses "The scene relies heavily on dialogue, which may not be the most visually interesting. Will's disrespect towards Sean's personal life may be off-putting for some viewers."

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8


Story Content

Concept: 9

Plot: 7

Originality: 0


Character Development

Characters: 8

Character Changes: 0

Internal Goal: 0

External Goal: 0


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 10

Opposition: 0

High Stakes: 0

Story Forward: 0

Unpredictability: 0

Philosophical Conflict: 0


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

Dialogue: 9

Engagement: 0

Pacing: 0


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 0

Structure: 0


Critique Overall, the scene has good pacing and dialogue between the characters. However, there are a few areas of critique:

1. Physical description: The scene could benefit from a bit more physical description to give the audience a better visual sense of the space and the characters.

2. Clichés: Some of the dialogue is clichéd, such as Lambeau's "let the healing begin." While it may be a natural thing for a character to say, using such a well-worn phrase can make the scene feel stale.

3. Lack of motivation: It is not entirely clear why Sean becomes so enraged when Will brings up the topic of his wife. While it is mentioned that Sean is protective of her, there is little build-up to this moment to justify such a strong reaction.

Overall, there is some strong dialogue and tension in the scene, but it could benefit from a few tweaks to improve clarity and motivation.
Suggestions Some suggestions to improve the scene:

1. Consider adding more visual details to the setting to create a stronger sense of atmosphere. For example, instead of just saying that there are books stacked against the wall, describe the titles and their condition. Are they brand new or worn and dog-eared? This can give insight into Sean's personality and interests.

2. Consider adding more subtext to the dialogue. The scene could benefit from some unspoken tension between Sean and Will. For example, perhaps Sean silently resents Will for his glib attitude, or maybe Will is unconsciously trying to provoke Sean. This subtext can make the scene more layered and interesting.

3. Consider tightening up the pacing and cutting any unnecessary dialogue. For example, some of the banter about books and weightlifting could be trimmed to streamline the scene and keep the focus on the conflict between Sean and Will.

4. Consider changing the ending of the scene. The physical altercation between Sean and Will feels abrupt and out of place, especially given the relatively low-key nature of the rest of the scene. Perhaps there could be a more psychological or emotional climax to the encounter, where Sean reveals something about himself or challenges Will on a deeper level. This could also lead to a more satisfying resolution that sets up the next part of the story.



Scene 18 - Meeting Again
INT. HALLWAY -- CONTINUOUS

Will walks out of Sean's office past Lambeau and Tom who are
sitting in the hallway.

WILL
At ease, gentlemen.

CUT TO:


INT. SEAN'S OFFICE -- DAY

Sean stands behind his desk in his office, still very much on
edge. Lambeau walks in.

LAMBEAU
Five minutes, Sean. Are you okay?

A pause, Sean is staring at his painting.

LAMBEAU (cont'd)
I'll understand if you don't want to
meet with him again.

SEAN
Thursday, four o'clock. Make sure the
kid is here.

CUT TO:


EXT. WONDERLAND RACETRACK -- DAY

Will and Skylar sit in the stands watching the dogs run. They ad
lib teasing one another about England, Ireland, and America.
SKYLAR
You grew up around here?

WILL
Not far from here, South Boston.

SKYLAR
How was that?

WILL
Pretty boring, I guess.

She smiles.

SKYLAR
I bet you have a great family.

WILL
You know, nothing special.

SKYLAR
You have a lot of brothers and sisters?

WILL
Do I have a lot of brothers and sisters?

SKYLAR
Yeah.

WILL
Well, Irish Catholic. What do you think?

SKYLAR
How many?

WILL
You wouldn't believe me if I told you.

SKYLAR
What, five?

Will shakes his head.

SKYLAR (cont'd)
Seven?

Will shakes his head. Smiles.

SKYLAR (cont'd)
Come on.

WILL
I have twelve big brothers.

SKYLAR
Not a chance.
WILL
Yup, you're lookin' at lucky thirteen.

SKYLAR
Bullshit.

WILL
I swear to God.

SKYLAR
Your house must have been a zoo.

WILL
It was great. There was always someone
to play with, give you advice.

SKYLAR
Do you know all their names?

WILL
'Course I do, they're my brothers.

SKYLAR
Well...

WILL
Marky, Ricky, Danny, Terry, Mikey,
Davey, Timmy, Tommy, Joey, Robby,
Johnny, and Brian.

SKYLAR
(laughing)
Do you keep in touch with them?

WILL
All the time. We all live in Southie. I
live with three of them now.

Skylar smiles.

SKYLAR
I want to meet them.

WILL
We'll do that.

CUT TO:


INT. SEAN'S APARTMENT -- NIGHT

As we pan across Sean's small apartment, we find it strewn with
dirty clothes and the sink full of dishes. Although, if it
weren't for the clutter, the place would feel pretty bare. A
framed SPORTS ILLUSTRATED cover featuring a screaming Larry Bird
and entitled "CELTIC PRIDE" hangs on the wall. Sean sits at the
table next to another nearly empty bottle of BUSHMILL'S IRISH
WHISKEY. He is deep in thought.
CUT TO:


INT. SEAN'S OFFICE -- DAY

Will strolls into the office. Sean is waiting there behind his
desk. He seems different. More calm. Will and Sean stare at each
other for a long moment.

WILL
You again. How the paintin' coming?

Sean stands up.

SEAN
Come with me.

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary Will walks out of Sean's office past Lambeau and Tom who are sitting in the hallway. In Sean's office, Lambeau asks if Sean is okay and if he wants to meet with Will again. Sean agrees to meeting Will on Thursday at four o'clock. Will and Skylar watch the dogs run at the Wonderland racetrack and talk about Will's large family of twelve brothers. In Sean's small apartment, we see him deep in thought accompanied by an almost empty bottle of Irish whiskey. Will goes back to Sean's office where they both stare at each other for a long moment.
Strengths
  • The conversation between Will and Skylar is humorous and enjoyable to watch
  • The scene provides a glimpse into Sean's personal life, showing him in a vulnerable state
  • The tension between Will and Sean is palpable, leaving viewers curious about what will happen next
Weaknesses
  • The scene could benefit from more obvious conflict to keep the momentum going
  • The scene's pacing is slow, which could detract from the viewer's experience

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8


Story Content

Concept: 7

Plot: 8

Originality: 0


Character Development

Characters: 9

Character Changes: 0

Internal Goal: 0

External Goal: 0


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 4

Opposition: 0

High Stakes: 0

Story Forward: 0

Unpredictability: 0

Philosophical Conflict: 0


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

Dialogue: 7

Engagement: 0

Pacing: 0


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 0

Structure: 0


Critique Overall, the scene is well written and serves to further the character development and relationship between Will and Sean. However, there are a few areas for improvement:

1. The dialogue in the hallway scene between Will and Lambeau feels unnecessary and doesn't add much to the story. Consider cutting it or finding a way to make it more meaningful.

2. The scene at the racetrack feels a bit cliché and could benefit from more unique and specific details about the characters and their interactions.

3. The transition between Sean's apartment and his office could be smoother and clearer. It's not immediately clear why we're suddenly in a new location.

4. The final scene could be more impactful if there was some tension or conflict building up between Will and Sean leading up to it, rather than just a long moment of staring at each other. Consider adding some tension or conflict beforehand to make the scene feel more meaningful.
Suggestions One suggestion would be to add more details and descriptions to the scenes, particularly in the INT. HALLWAY scene. This could help to establish a stronger sense of place and atmosphere, making the scene more interesting and engaging for the audience. Additionally, adding more subtext or conflict to the dialogue between Sean and Lambeau could make the scene more impactful and memorable. For example, Lambeau could express concern for Sean's mental health, and Sean could become defensive or dismissive, creating tension between the two characters. Finally, the scene in Sean's apartment could benefit from more visual cues, such as showing Sean pacing or staring at the empty bottle of whiskey, to convey his emotional state to the audience.



Scene 19 - The Truth Hurts
EXT. BOSTON COMMON -- MINUTES LATER

Sean and Will sit in the bleachers at the mostly empty park.
They look out over a small pond, in which a group of
schoolchildren on a field trip ride the famous Swan Boats.

WILL
So what's with this place? You have a
swan fetish? Is this something you'd
like to talk about?

SEAN
I was thinking about what you said to me
the other day, about my painting. I
stayed up half the night thinking about
it and then something occured to me and
I fell into a deep peaceful sleep and
haven't thought about you since. You
know what occurred to me?

WILL
No.

SEAN
You're just a boy. You don't have the
faintest idea what you're talking about.

WILL
Why thank you.

SEAN
You've never been out of Boston.

WILL
No.
SEAN
So if I asked you about art you could
give me the skinny on every art book
ever written...Michelangelo? You know a
lot about him I bet. Life's work,
criticisms, political aspirations. But
you couldn't tell me what it smells like
in the Sistine Chapel. You've never
stood there and looked up at that
beautiful ceiling. And if I asked you
about women I'm sure you could give me a
syllabus of your personal favorites, and
maybe you've been laid a few times too.
But you couldn't tell me how it feels to
wake up next to a woman and be truly
happy. If I asked you about war you
could refer me to a bevy of fictional
and non-fictional material, but you've
never been in one. You've never held
your best friend's head in your lap and
watched him draw his last breath,
looking to you for help. And if I asked
you about love I'd get a sonnet, but
you've never looked at a woman and been
truly vulnerable. Known that someone
could kill you with a look. That someone
could rescue you from grief. That God
had put an angel on Earth just for you.
And you wouldn't know how it felt to be
her angel. To have the love be there for
her forever. Through anything, through
cancer. You wouldn't know about sleeping
sitting up in a hospital room for two
months holding her hand and not leaving
because the doctors could see in your
eyes that the term "visiting hours"
didn't apply to you. And you wouldn't
know about real loss, because that only
occurs when you lose something you love
more than yourself, and you've never
dared to love anything that much. I look
at you and I don't see an intelligent
confident man, I don't see a peer, and I
don't see my equal. I see a boy. Nobody
could possibly understand you, right
Will? Yet you presume to know so much
about me because of a painting you saw.
You must know everything about me.
You're an orphan, right?

Will nods quietly.
SEAN (cont'd)
Do you think I would presume to know the
first thing about who you are because I
read "Oliver Twist?" And I don't buy the
argument that you don't want to be here,
because I think you like all the
attention you're getting. Personally, I
don't care. There's nothing you can tell
me that I can't read somewhere else.
Unless we talk about your life. But you
won't do that. Maybe you're afraid of
what you might say.

Sean stands,

SEAN (cont'd)
It's up to you.

And walks away.

CUT TO:


INT. CONSTRUCTION SITE -- DAY

Will and Chuckie doing demo at the site. They throw cinderblocks
out a window into a pile. They are filthy.

CUT TO:


EXT. SOUTH BOSTON STREET -- NIGHT

Rain pounds South Boston. Chuckie sits with the Cadillac
fidling, humming to the radio. Morgan and Billy sit in the back,
sharing a case of beer. Will is at a pay phone.

INT. SKYLAR'S ROOM -- NIGHT

SKYLAR
Hello?

Will hangs up and runs back to the car, soaked.

CHUCKIE
Who'd you call?

WILL
No one. I didn't have the number.

MORGAN
What are you, retarded? You went all the
way out there in the rain and you didn't
have the number?

WILL
No, it was your mother's 900 number. I
just ran out of quarters.
Laughter. Chuckie pulls away from the curb.

MORGAN
Why don't we get off mothers, I just got
off yours.

There is a long moment of silence in response to Morgan's
attempt at levity. Then laughter.

BILLY
You're a pretty funny guy. Here, have a
nickel.

Billy WHIPS his EMPTY BEER CAN off of Morgan's head.

MORGAN
Keep fuckin' with me. Watch what
happens.

BILLY
All right, then.

MORGAN
Watch what happens.

CUT TO:


INT. SEAN'S OFFICE -- DAY

Will sits across from Sean completely silent and takes out a
pack of cigarettes.

SEAN
No smoking.

Will puts the cigarettes away. Sean stares at Will and
occaisionally at the clock. Sean continues to check the clock on
the wall. It is the only clock in the room and it is BEHIND
Will. Their hour is almost up.

CLOSE ON: WILL'S EYES INTERCUT WITH THE CLOCK.

He is counting seconds. As the second hand crosses the twelve,
Will stands up and walks out, leaving Sean alone.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary Sean tells Will that he doesn't really know anything about life because he's never experienced it beyond books and theories.
Strengths "Powerful dialogue and acting that exposes the insecurities and vulnerabilities of the characters."
Weaknesses "Lacks visual appeal and action, may bore some viewers."

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 10


Story Content

Concept: 9

Plot: 8

Originality: 0


Character Development

Characters: 10

Character Changes: 0

Internal Goal: 0

External Goal: 0


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

Opposition: 0

High Stakes: 0

Story Forward: 0

Unpredictability: 0

Philosophical Conflict: 0


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 10

Dialogue: 10

Engagement: 0

Pacing: 0


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 0

Structure: 0


Critique Overall, the scene is well-written and contains strong character development for both Sean and Will. The dialogue is engaging and creates tension between the two characters.

However, there are a few areas that could be improved. The transition between the Boston Common scene and the construction site scene is abrupt and could benefit from a smoother transition. Also, the scene in Skylar's room feels disconnected from the rest of the scene and could be removed without affecting the overall plot.

In terms of character development, Sean's monologue is well-written and provides insight into his character. However, it could benefit from more subtlety and nuance. Having him spell out all of his experiences and thoughts in such detail comes across as heavy-handed and unrealistic. A more subdued and subtle approach would make the scene more impactful.

Finally, Will's actions at the end of the scene (counting seconds and leaving abruptly) could use more explanation or motivation. As it stands, it feels like a forced plot device rather than a natural reaction from the character. Adding more context or inner dialogue from Will could make this moment more impactful.
Suggestions The scene could benefit from more visual description and action. For example, instead of just stating that Sean and Will are sitting in the bleachers, describe what they're doing while they're sitting there, their body language, and their surroundings. This will help create a clearer picture for the readers and give more depth to the scene.

Also, consider breaking up some of Sean's long monologue into smaller, more digestible chunks. It's hard for the reader to follow along when one character is speaking for so long without any interruption. Adding in some physical actions or reactions from Will could help break it up and add more emotional depth to the scene.

Finally, the transition from this scene to the next could be smoother and more clear. It's a bit abrupt to cut straight from the end of Sean's monologue to the construction site scene. Consider using a transitional element like a fade or a dissolve to help the reader understand that time has passed, or adding a brief description of Will leaving the park and going to the site.



Scene 20 - A Night Out with Friends
INT. HALLWAY -- LATER

Lambeau and Sean walk down the hallway after the session.

LAMBEAU
What do you mean "he didn't talk?" You
sat there for an hour?
SEAN
No, he just sat there and counted the
seconds until the session was over. It
was pretty impressive, actually.

LAMBEAU
Why would he do that?

SEAN
To show me he doesn't have to talk to me
if he doesn't want to.

LAMBEAU
Oh, what is this? Some kind of staring
contest between two kids from the "old
neighborhood?"

SEAN
I won't talk first.


EXT. WILL'S APARTMENT -- EVENING

Chuckie drops Will off at his apartment, watches him [Will] walk
up the steps.

DISSOLVE TO:


EXT. WILL'S APARTMENT -- MORNING

Chuckie pulls up to the curb and walks up the steps to Will's
front door. After a beat, Will emerges. They get back in [the
car].

CUT TO:


EXT. CONSTRUCTION SITE -- DAY

Will and Chuckie at work. Chuckie shows Will how to be a man.


INT. L STREET BAR & GRILLE, SOUTH BOSTON -- NIGHT

The bar is a bit more crowded than usual. Will and Chuckie walk
back to their table, carrying beers. They pass a table of
GIRLS, local regulars getting just as bombed as the guys. These
girls are a little overdone. Too much make-up, too much
hairspray, and too much body for such tight outfits. One of the
girls, KRYSTYN, smiles at Will who seems subdued.

KRYSTYN
Hi, Will.

WILL
How you doin', Krystyn.
They pass the table of girls. Chuckie looks at one, ruefully.

CHUCKIE
I didn't get on Cathy last night.

WILL
Why not?

CHUCKIE
I don't know.

Chuckie turns back to one of the girls, calling out:

CHUCKIE (cont'd)
Cathy! Why didn't you give me none of
your twat last night?

A girl at the table, CATHY, holds up her PINKY FINGER and
smiles-- revealing a mouthful of MISSING TEETH.

CATHY
Fuck you and your Irish curse, Chuckie!

CHUCKIE
She's missin' teeth, Will.

Will nods, not really into it tonight.

CHUCKIE (cont'd)
Plus, it's like, five to two Morgan ends
up marryin' her. There's only so many
times you can bang your friend's future
wife...

They get to the table. Will's heart just isn't in it.

WILL
I'm takin' off.

ALL
We're goin' late night.

WILL
I'm tired.

CUT TO:


INT. LAMBEAU'S OFFICE -- DAY

Will and Lambeau work together at the board. They communicate
non-verbally as they collaborate on a problem. After a
particularly amusing series of numbers, they share a look and
laugh.

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary Will and Chuckie go out with some local girls, but Will seems subdued and not really into it. Later on, Will and Lambeau work together on a problem and share a moment of laughter.
Strengths "The scene effectively shows Will's disinterest in going out and partying with friends and the growing bond between him and Lambeau as they share a moment of laughter."
Weaknesses "The scene doesn't contribute much to the overall story or character development."

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 7


Story Content

Concept: 6

Plot: 6

Originality: 0


Character Development

Characters: 8

Character Changes: 0

Internal Goal: 0

External Goal: 0


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 3

Opposition: 0

High Stakes: 0

Story Forward: 0

Unpredictability: 0

Philosophical Conflict: 0


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 5

Dialogue: 7

Engagement: 0

Pacing: 0


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 0

Structure: 0


Critique As a screenwriting AI language model, I can't exactly claim to be an expert in screenwriting, but I can provide some feedback on this scene based on standard conventions of screenwriting and storytelling.

The scene lacks any clear indication of what the main character, Will, wants or needs. It's important to establish his goals and motivations early on in the story so that the audience can become invested in his journey. Additionally, some of the dialogue feels forced or unnatural, particularly in the exchange between Chuckie and Cathy. The insults feel gratuitous and added for shock value rather than serving any real purpose in character development or advancing the plot. The scene could benefit from more context and purpose to drive the story forward.

Overall, the scene feels fragmented and lacks a clear sense of direction or purpose. It could benefit from more focused attention on character development and plot progression.
Suggestions There are a few things that could be improved in this scene:

1. It's unclear what the session Lambeau and Sean are referring to is. Is it a therapy session or something else? Clarifying this would help the audience better understand the dynamic between the characters.

2. The dialogue in the scene feels a bit on-the-nose. For example, when Chuckie says "Chuckie shows Will how to be a man," it feels too direct and could be more nuanced.

3. There's not a lot of action or visual interest in the scene. Consider adding something for the characters to do, or changing up the setting to make it more visually engaging.

4. Will's lack of enthusiasm in the bar scene doesn't feel well-motivated or explained. Adding a bit more context or backstory to his emotions would help the audience better connect with him in this moment.

5. Lastly, it's not clear where the scene is going or what its purpose is in the larger story. Consider making the stakes clearer or adding a sense of tension or conflict to keep the audience engaged.



Scene 21 - Imperfections and Love
INT. SEAN'S OFFICE -- DAY

Will and Sean sit in silence. A long moment passes. Sean
casually reclines in his chair, disinterested. Will restlessly
looks around the room and then back to Sean. An odd half smile
crosses Sean's face. After a moment:

WILL
You know, I was on this plane once. And
I'm sittin' there and the captain comes
on and is like "we'll be cruising at
35,000 feet," and does his thing, then
he puts the mike down but forgets to
turn it off. Then he says "man, all I
want right now is a blow-job and a cup
of coffee." So the stewardess goes
runnin' up towards the cock-pit to tell
him the mike's still on, and this guy in
the back of the plane goes "don't forget
the coffee!"

SEAN
(smiles)
You've never been on a plane.

WILL
I know, but the joke's better if I tell
it in the first person.

A beat.

WILL (cont'd)
I have been laid you know.

Sean smiles.

SEAN
Yeah? You got a lady now?

WILL
Yeah, I went on a date last week.

SEAN
How'd it go?

WILL
Fine.

SEAN
Well, are you going out again?

WILL
I don't know.

SEAN
Why not?
WILL
Haven't called her.

SEAN
Jesus Christ, you are an amateur.

WILL
I know what I'm doing. She's different
from the other girls I met. We have a
really good time. She's smart,
beautiful, fun...

SEAN
So Christ, call her up.

WILL
Why? So I can realize she's not so
smart. That she's boring. You don't get
it. Right now she's perfect, I don't
want to ruin that.

SEAN
And right now you're perfect too. Maybe
you don't want to ruin that.

Will says nothing.

SEAN (cont'd)
Well, I think that's a great philosophy
Will, that way you can go through your
entire life without ever having to
really know anybody.

Sean looks directly at Will, who looks away. A beat.

SEAN (cont'd)
My wife used to turn the alarm clock off
in her sleep. I was late for work all
the time because in the middle of the
night she'd roll over and turn the damn
thing off. Eventually I got a second
clock and put it under my side of the
bed, but it got to where she was gettin'
to that one too. She was afraid of the
dark, so the closet light was on all
night. Thing kept me up half the night.
Eventually I'd fall asleep, out of sheer
exhaustion and not wake up when I was
supposed to cause she'd have already
gotten to my alarms.

Will smiles, Sean takes a beat.
SEAN (cont'd)
My wife's been dead two years, Will. And
when I think about her, those are the
things I think about most. Little
idiosyncrasies that only I knew about.
Those made her my wife. And she had the
goods on me too. Little things I do out
of habit. People call these things
imperfections Will. It's just who we
are. And we get to choose who we're
going to let into out weird little
worlds. You're not perfect. And let me
save you the suspense, this girl you met
isn't either. The question is, whether
or not you're perfect for each other.
You can know everything in the world,
but the only way you're findin' that one
out is by giving it a shot. You sure
won't get the answer from an old fucker
like me. And even if I did know, I
wouldn't tell you.

Will smiles. A beat.

WILL
Why not? You told me every other fuckin'
thing. You talk more than any shrink I
ever met.

Sean laughs.

SEAN
I teach this shit, I didn't say I knew
how to do it.

WILL
You ever think about gettin' remarried?

SEAN
My wife's dead.

WILL
Hence, the word remarried.

SEAN
My wife's dead.

WILL
Well I think that's a wonderful
philosophy, Sean. That way you can go
through the rest of your life without
having to really know anyone.

A beat. Sean smiles.

SEAN
Time's up.
CUT TO:


EXT. SKYLAR'S DORM -- AFTERNOON

Will is waiting outside the door for someone to come out -- so
he can go in.
Genres: ["drama"]

Summary Will and Sean talk about Will's fear of getting to know his date better because he doesn't want to ruin the perfect image of her in his head. Sean shares how imperfections make relationships stronger and remembers little quirks about his deceased wife that only he knew about. Will eventually decides to give his date a chance.
Strengths "The dialogue is engaging and thought-provoking, and the scene's message about imperfections in relationships is moving."
Weaknesses "The scene is relatively slow-paced, and there is not much physical action or visual interest."

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9


Story Content

Concept: 8

Plot: 7

Originality: 0


Character Development

Characters: 9

Character Changes: 0

Internal Goal: 0

External Goal: 0


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 4

Opposition: 0

High Stakes: 0

Story Forward: 0

Unpredictability: 0

Philosophical Conflict: 0


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

Dialogue: 10

Engagement: 0

Pacing: 0


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 0

Structure: 0


Critique Overall, this scene is well-written and engaging. The dialogue is natural and the characters are well-developed.

One small critique would be that the opening silence between Will and Sean lasts a bit too long before any dialogue begins. It could benefit from a brief description of their physical actions or environment to break up the silence and set the tone.

Another critique is that the transition from Sean's monologue about his late wife to the scene outside Skylar's dorm feels a bit abrupt and disconnected. It would benefit from a smooth transition or connection between the two scenes to better tie them together.

Overall, this scene effectively develops the relationship between Will and Sean and explores themes of imperfection and taking chances in relationships.
Suggestions 1. The beginning of the scene lacks tension, as both characters are just sitting there in silence. Consider giving one or both of them an action to do during the silence, or adding some small talk to ease into the conversation.

2. The joke that Will tells is not particularly funny and feels out of place in the scene. Consider cutting it out or replacing it with a joke that is more in line with the tone and themes of the film.

3. The dialogue feels a bit repetitive, as both characters are essentially saying the same thing in different ways. Consider condensing some of the back-and-forth to make the scene more efficient and impactful.

4. Sean's story about his wife is poignant and relatable, but it feels too long and could be trimmed down to its essential elements.

5. The scene could benefit from more visual elements and movement, as it is primarily just two characters sitting in an office. Consider adding some more interesting blocking or camera angles to bring the scene to life.



Scene 22 - 
INT. SKYLAR'S DORM -- AFTERNOON

The door to Skylar's dorm is partially open. Will stands outside
while Skylar remains on the threshold.

SKYLAR
Where have you been?

WILL
I'm sorry, I been real busy.

SKYLAR
You were busy? You know, I really was
waiting for you to call me.

WILL
Sorry. I'm sorry. Give me another crack
at it. Let me take you out.

SKYLAR
You should have called. I have an "O-
chem" lab due tomorrow and it's
impossible.
(beat)
It's not an excuse dummy. I want to go
out with you. But look:

She holds up her Lab. Will glances at it.

SKYLAR (cont'd)
Tomorrow?

WILL
Promise?

SKYLAR
If you bring the caramels.

Will smiles.

CUT TO:


EXT. HARVARD SQUARE -- LATER

Will sits in an outdoor cafe, thinking. After a beat, he leans
over to two students working at a nearby table, borrows a pen
and paper and starts writing.
CUT TO:


EXT. SKYLAR'S DORM -- DAY

Will is a solitary figure strolling across the lawn. He stops at
Skylar's dorm and knocks on the door.

CUT TO:


INT. SKYLAR'S DORM -- DAY

She emarges. He hands her the paper he was working on. It is her
O-chem lab.

WILL
I couldn't wait till tomorrow.

SKYLAR
How the hell did you do that?

WILL
Didn't your mother ever tell you not to
look a gift horse n the mouth?

SKYLAR
I'm supposed to understand this.

WILL
You're not going into surgery tomorrow
are you?

SKYLAR
No.

WILL
Then let's go have some fun.

With a smile, she relents.
Genres: null

Summary
Strengths null
Weaknesses null

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 0


Story Content

Concept: 0

Plot: 0

Originality: 0


Character Development

Characters: 0

Character Changes: 0

Internal Goal: 0

External Goal: 0


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 0

Opposition: 0

High Stakes: 0

Story Forward: 0

Unpredictability: 0

Philosophical Conflict: 0


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 0

Dialogue: 0

Engagement: 0

Pacing: 0


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 0

Structure: 0


Critique Overall, this scene is short and sweet, but it could benefit from more character development and plot advancement.

Firstly, the dialogue is quite generic and lacks depth. Skylar's frustration that Will hasn't called her is a common trope in romantic comedies, but it would be more interesting to see a unique twist on this. Additionally, the characters' personalities are not fully fleshed out and their interactions lack chemistry.

Furthermore, the scene is not very plot-heavy. While it is established that Skylar has an O-chem lab due the next day, nothing else really happens except for Will giving her the lab paper early. It would be more engaging if there were higher stakes or more tension, such as Skylar having to make a difficult decision between attending the lab or going out with Will.

In terms of formatting, it's best to avoid using ALL CAPS and instead use italics or bold font for emphasis.

Overall, this scene could benefit from more fleshed-out characters and a more engaging plot.
Suggestions 1. Show, don't tell. Instead of having Skylar simply state that she has an "O-chem" lab due tomorrow, show her busy working on it or surrounded by textbooks and notes. This will make the scene more visually interesting and add depth to Skylar's character as a diligent student.

2. Add conflict. While the scene currently has a minor conflict in the form of Skylar being busy with her lab, it doesn't push the overall story forward. Consider adding a bigger conflict, such as Skylar being hesitant to go out with Will due to her past experiences with men or her commitment to her studies.

3. Develop the characters more. Currently, the dialogue in the scene is very simple and doesn't reveal much about either Will or Skylar's personalities. Consider adding more layers to their characters by having them discuss their interests, hobbies, or past experiences.

4. Use the setting to enhance the scene. The scene takes place in Skylar's dorm and Harvard Square, which can be great opportunities to add depth to the story. Consider having Skylar show Will around campus or talk about her experiences at Harvard. This will add more realism and depth to the characters and story.



Scene 23 - Regret and Love
INT. SEAN'S OFFICE -- DAY

Sean and Will in session.

SEAN
Really? How'd the date go?

WILL
Do you still counsel veterans?
(beat)
I read your book last night.

SEAN
No, I don't.
WILL
Why not?

SEAN
I gave that up when my wife got sick.

WILL
Is that why you didn't write anything
else?

SEAN
(smiles)
I didn't write anything else 'cause
nobody, including most of my colleagues
bothered to read the first one.

WILL
Well, I've read you colleagues. Your
book was good, Sean.
(beat)
All those guys were in your platoon?

SEAN
Yeah.

WILL
What happened to that guy from Kentucky?

SEAN
Lon? He got married. He has a kid. I
kind of lost touch with him after Nancy
got sick.

WILL
Do you ever wonder what your life would
be like if you never met your wife?

SEAN
What? Do I wonder if I'd be better off
if I never met my wife?

Will starts to clarify his question.

SEAN (cont'd)
No, that's okay. It's an important
question. 'Cause you'll have your bad
times, which wake you up to the good
stuff you weren't paying attention to.
And you can fail, as long as you're
trying hard. But there's nothing worse
than regret.

WILL
You don't regret meetin' your wife?
SEAN
Why? Because of the pain I feel now? I
have regrets Will, but I don't regret a
singel day I spent with her.

WILL
When did you know she was the one?

SEAN
October 21, 1975. Game six of the World
Series. Biggest game in Red Sox history,
Me and my friends slept out on the
sidewalk all night to get tickets. We
were sitting in a bar waiting for the
game to start and in walks this girl.
What a game that was. Tie game in the
bottom of the tenth inning, in steps
Carlton Fisk, hit a long fly ball down
the left field line. Thirty-five
thousand fans on their feet, screamin'
at the ball to stay fair. Fisk is
runnin' up the baseline, wavin' at the
ball like a madman. It hits the foul
pole, home run. Thirty-five thousand
people went crazy. And I wasn't one of
them.

WILL
Where were you?

SEAN
I was havin' a drink with my future
wife.

WILL
You missed Pudge Fisk's homerun to have
a drink with a woman you had never met?

SEAN
That's right.

WILL
So wait a minute. The Red Sox haven't
won a World Series since nineteen
eighteen, you slept out for tickets,
games gonna start in twenty minutes, in
walks a girl you never seen before, and
you give your ticket away?

SEAN
You should have seen this girl. She lit
up the room.

WILL
I don't care if Helen of Troy walked
into that bar! That's game six of the
World Series!
Sean smiles.

WILL (cont'd)
And what kind of friends are these? They
let you get away with that?

SEAN
I just slid my ticket across the table
and said "sorry fellas, I gotta go see
about a girl."

WILL
"I gotta go see about a girl"? What did
they say?

SEAN
They could see that I meant it.

WILL
You're kiddin' me.

SEAN
No Will, I'm not kiddin' you. If I had
gone to see that game I'd be in here
talkin' abouta girl I saw at a bar
twenty years ago. And how I always
regretted not goin' over there and
talkin' to her. I don't regret the
eighteen years we were married. I don't
regret givin' up couseling for six years
when she got sick. I don't regret being
by her side for the last two years when
things got real bad. And I sure as Hell
don't regret missing that damn game.

A beat. Will is impressed.

WILL
Would have been nice to catch that game
though.

SEAN
(breaking)
Well hell, I didn't know Pudge was gonna
hit the home run.

They laugh.

TIME DISSOLVE TO:
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary Will and Sean discuss Sean's past and how he met his wife, with Sean reflecting on the importance of never having regrets.
Strengths "The dialogue between the two characters is engaging and reveals important information about Sean's past. The scene is emotionally impactful and shows the importance of never having regrets in life."
Weaknesses "There is not much conflict in the scene, which may make it less engaging for some audiences."

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9


Story Content

Concept: 8

Plot: 9

Originality: 0


Character Development

Characters: 10

Character Changes: 0

Internal Goal: 0

External Goal: 0


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 4

Opposition: 0

High Stakes: 0

Story Forward: 0

Unpredictability: 0

Philosophical Conflict: 0


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 10

Dialogue: 10

Engagement: 0

Pacing: 0


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 0

Structure: 0


Critique Overall, the scene has strong dialogue and a clear emotional arc. However, the formatting could be improved, particularly the use of parentheticals. Instead, the emotions and actions of the characters could be conveyed through their dialogue and actions. Additionally, there could be more visual description to create a clearer setting. Finally, the scene could benefit from more active language in the action lines to make the scene more engaging to read.
Suggestions The overall structure of the scene is good, with a clear purpose and some character development. Here are some suggestions to improve it:

1. Show, don't tell: The conversation is mostly exposition, with characters telling each other about their past and their thoughts. It would be more engaging and memorable to have some visuals, actions, or conflicts that illustrate the points being made. For example, instead of just saying Sean's book was not read by his colleagues, show a scene where Sean tries to promote his book but is ignored by his peers. Instead of just saying Sean's wife got sick, show some flashbacks or flash-forwards that hint at the emotional toll of this event on Sean and Will.

2. More conflict and stakes: The conversation is friendly and supportive, which is fine, but it doesn't create much tension or suspense. The characters express some regrets and doubts, but there's no real risk or challenge they need to face. To make the scene more compelling, you could add some obstacles or disagreements that force the characters to defend their positions or beliefs. For example, have Sean and Will debate the merits of counseling veterans and its impact on Sean's own life. Or have Will question Sean's devotion to his wife and wonder if he's sacrificing too much for her.

3. Use humor and irony: The scene has some humorous moments, such as Sean's description of the baseball game and his witty comeback about missing it. However, these moments could be expanded and enhanced to add more dimensionality to the characters and their relationships. Maybe Will could tease Sean about being a hopeless romantic, or Sean could poke fun at Will's dating skills. Or maybe Sean could reveal some surprising irony about his book's reception or his marital bliss. Adding humor and irony can make the scene more memorable and relatable to audiences.

4. Consider pacing and transitions: The scene moves smoothly from one topic to another, but it could benefit from some more precise pacing and transitions. Some of the beats and pauses feel a bit long or vague, and some of the dialogue could be trimmed or condensed to focus on the most important lines. You could also use some cinematic techniques, such as close-ups, reaction shots, or sudden cuts, to highlight the emotional beats and shifts in the scene. Finally, you could use some cues from the score or sound design to enhance the mood and tone of the scene, such as using soft music or ambient sounds to underscore the intimacy and vulnerability of the conversation.



Scene 24 - Math Proofs and Pillow Talk
INT LAMBEAU'S OFFICE -- DAY

The office is more crowded than usual. TOM and THREE of
LAMBEAU'S COLLEAGUES including the esteemed ALEXANDER PEKEC are
in the room. Will sits at a work-station which projects a proof
of his [Will's] onto the chalkboard. Lambeau stands beside the
projected image at the board arguing with Pekec, a foreign
mathematician. The image is of a Ramses graph binary tree.

LAMBEAU
Alexander, I know your theory. The boy
is updating, he's strategy stealing...

PEKEC
With a Ramses graph on the binary tree--

LAMBEAU
--But what he's doing, he's attaching an
edge to the adjacent vertex. He can
always failsafe to either side--

PEKEC
Maker can. This is not new, Gerry!

Pekec starts writing lines beside Will's proof on the board.

PEKEC (cont'd)
--but I can always garbage out (writes
frantically) All the way to "N" to the
minus one.

LAMBEAU
No, there's a limit.

PEKEC
The limit is not found!
(turns to Will)
The limit is not found.

WILL
But I can always go to the other side.

PEKEC
There is no proof--

Lambeau can no longer contain himself.

LAMBEAU
--Maker builds "K" to the "N." N is
three to the K times--

PEKEC
--But--

WILL
Look, I wrote it down.

They turn to Will who places his proof on the projector. The
image is cast over their faces. It reads:

As Pekec reads and the realization dawns on him:

WILL (cont'd)
It's just simpler this way.
Lambeau turns with satisfaction to an understanding Pekec.

LAMBEAU
Alexander, your theory is changed.

CUT TO:


INT. SKYLAR'S ROOM -- NIGHT

Will and Skylar in her room, post coital. They are wrapped in a
sheet. Will is absent-mindedly playing the memory game SIMON.
The pattern grows increasingly complex. After a beat:

SKYLAR
Why do we always stay here?

WILL
'Cause it's nicer than my place.

SKYLAR
I've never seen your place.

WILL
Exactly.

SKYLAR
What about your friends? Or your
brothers? When do I get to meet them?

WILL
They don't come over here that much.

SKYLAR
I think I can make it to South Boston.

WILL
Aah, it's kind of a hike.

SKYLAR
Is it me you're hiding from them or the
other way around?

WILL
All right, all right. We'll go.

SKYLAR
When?

WILL
Sometime. I don't know. Next week.

SKYLAR
What if I said I wouldn't sleep with you
again until you let me meet your
friends?
WILL
I'd say...
(reaches for phone)
It's only four in the mornin', they're
prob'ly up.

She laughs. Stops him.

SKYLAR
You men are shameful. If you're not
thinking of your weiner then you're
acting on its behalf.

WILL
Then on behalf of my weiner, I'd like to
ask for an advance.

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary Will impresses his colleagues with a proof, while later in the night he and Skylar discuss their relationship.
Strengths "Strong dialogue and character development"
Weaknesses "Lack of action or external conflict"

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9


Story Content

Concept: 8

Plot: 8

Originality: 0


Character Development

Characters: 9

Character Changes: 0

Internal Goal: 0

External Goal: 0


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

Opposition: 0

High Stakes: 0

Story Forward: 0

Unpredictability: 0

Philosophical Conflict: 0


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

Dialogue: 10

Engagement: 0

Pacing: 0


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 0

Structure: 0


Critique As a screenwriting AI language model, I cannot provide a full critique for this scene. However, I can provide a general assessment.

The scene seems well-written and vibrant. The dialogue is naturalistic and moves the story forward. The first part shows the characters in their professional setting, while the second part showcases them in an intimate and playful space. The transition between the two scenes is seamless and serves to provide a contrast between the two settings. Overall, the scene has a clear objective, and it is easy to follow the characters' motivations.
Suggestions There are a few things that could be improved in this scene:

1. The technical jargon and mathematical concepts being discussed may be difficult for the average viewer to understand. Consider finding a way to simplify the conversation or add some context to help the audience follow along.

2. The transition from the intense and technical math discussion to the light and playful banter between Will and Skylar feels abrupt and jarring. Consider finding a smoother transition or a way to connect the two scenes more cohesively.

3. The dialogue between Will and Skylar could benefit from some more depth and development. As it stands, it feels like filler dialogue without much purpose or substance. Consider adding more layers to their conversation to deepen their relationship and explore their characters further.

4. The stakes of the scene could also be heightened. As it stands, there isn't much on the line in this scene, which makes it feel somewhat unimportant. Consider finding a way to increase the tension or add more urgency to the scene to keep the audience engaged.



Scene 25 - The Irish Joke
INT. L STREET BAR & GRILLE -- LATER

Skylar and Will sit together along with Will's gang. The boys
are considerably drunk, but it makes for good entertainment.
Everyone here is having fun including Sylar.

MORGAN
Will, I can't believe you brought Skylar
here when we're all wrecked. What's she
gonna think about us?

WILL
Yeah, Morgan. It's a real rarity that
we'd be out drinkin'.

BILLY
I've been shit faced for like two weeks.

MORGAN
Oh great, tell her that! Now she really
thinks we're problem drinkers!

CHUCKIE
Two weeks? That's nothin'. My Uncle
Marty? Will knows him. That guy fuckin'
drinks like you've never seen! One night
he was drivin' back to his house on I-
93-- Statie pulls him over.

ALL
Oh shit.
CHUCKIE
Guy's tryin' to walk the line--but he
can't even fuckin' stand up, and so my
uncle's gonna spend a night in jail.
Just then there's this fuckin' BOOM like
fifty yards down the road. Some guy's
car hit a tree.

MORGAN
Some other guy?

CHUCKIE
Yeah, he was probably drunker than my
Uncle, who fuckin' knows? So the cop
goes "Stay here" And he goes runnin'
down the highway to deal with the other
crash. So, my Uncle Marty's standin' on
the side of the road for a little while,
and he's so fuckin' lit, that he forgets
what he's waitin' for. So he goes, "Fuck
it." He gets in his car and drives home.

MORGAN
Holy shit.

CHUCKIE
So in the morning, there's a knock on
the door it's the Statie. So my Uncle's
like, "Is there a problem?" And the
Statie's like "I pulled you over and you
took off." And my Uncle's like "I never
seen you before in my life, I been home
all night with my kids." And Statie's
like "Let me get in your garage!" So
he's like "All right, fine." He takes
around the garage and opens the door --
and the Statie's cruiser is in my
Uncle's garage.

ALL
No way! You're kiddin'!

CHUCKIE
No, he was so hammered that he drove the
police cruiser home. Fuckin' lights and
everything!

MORGAN
Did your Uncle get arrested?

CHUCKIE
The fuckin' Trooper was so embarrassed
he didn't do anything. The fuckin' guy
had been drivin' around in my Uncle's
car all night lookin' for the house.

Everyone is laughing. Skylar speaks above the din.
SKYLAR
There was this Irish guy, walking down
the beach one day.

She has everyone's attention. Will is nervous.

SKYLAR (cont'd)
And he comes across a bottle, and this
Genie pops out. The genie turns to the
Irishman and says-- "You've released me
from my prison, so I'll grant you three
wishes." The Irish guy thinks for a
minute and says "What I really want is a
pint of Guiness that never empties."
And--POOF! A bottle appears. He slams it
down, and-- lo and behold-- it fills
back up again.

C/U of Will. Hoping the joke pans out.

SKYLAR (cont'd)
Well, the Irish guy can't believe it. He
drinks it again, and again-- BOOM! It
fills back up. So, while the Irish guy
is marveling at his good fortune, The
Genie is getting impatient, because it's
hot and he wants to get on with his
freedom. He says "Let's go, you have two
more wishes." The Irish guy slams his
drink again, it fills back up, he's
still amazed. The Genie can't take it
anymore. He says "Buddy, I'm boiling out
here. What are your other two wishes?"
(beat)
The Irish guy looks at his drink, looks
at the Genie and says... "I guess I'll
have two more of these."

The gang erupts with laughter.

CHUCKIE
It's a good thing no one's Irish here.

MORGAN
I'm Irish.

Chuckie, Will look at Morgan, baffled.
Genres: ["Comedy","Drama"]

Summary Skylar tells a joke about an Irishman and a genie, which gets the group laughing.
Strengths "The dialogue is witty and the joke is well-timed."
Weaknesses "The scene lacks significant plot development."

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8


Story Content

Concept: 7

Plot: 6

Originality: 0


Character Development

Characters: 7

Character Changes: 0

Internal Goal: 0

External Goal: 0


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 3

Opposition: 0

High Stakes: 0

Story Forward: 0

Unpredictability: 0

Philosophical Conflict: 0


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 4

Dialogue: 9

Engagement: 0

Pacing: 0


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 0

Structure: 0


Critique Overall, this scene is well-written with good pacing and effective use of humor. The banter between Will's gang showcases their camaraderie and playful ribbing. Skylar's joke adds a nice touch of humor and breaks up the conversation well.

One minor critique is that it's unclear what the purpose of Skylar's presence in the scene is. Her character is not well-established, and she doesn't contribute much to the conversation beyond telling a joke. It may benefit the scene to give her a stronger purpose or more defined role to play in the conversation.

Additionally, some of the dialogue could benefit from more precise language. For example, instead of "considerably drunk," there could be a more specific description of their level of intoxication. And when Morgan says "What's she gonna think about us?" it's not clear who "us" is referring to, as it's not established which characters are already acquainted with Skylar.

Overall, though, this is a solid scene that effectively uses humor to create an entertaining and believable group dynamic.
Suggestions There are a few suggestions I have to improve this scene:

1. Make sure the dialogue feels natural and not forced. The dialogue between Chuckie and the rest of the gang feels a bit contrived and could benefit from more natural-sounding phrasing.

2. Consider cutting down on the length of the scene. While it's good to establish the group dynamic and the fact that they're all having a good time, the conversation between Chuckie and the gang could be shorter to keep the scene moving.

3. Develop the character of Skylar more. While she does tell a joke at the end, there isn't much else in this scene that fleshes out her character or establishes her relationship with the group.

4. Consider adding some tension or conflict to the scene. While it's good to establish the group dynamic and show that they're all having fun, a scene without any conflict or tension can feel flat and uninteresting. Adding in a bit of tension or conflict could help keep the scene engaging.



Scene 26 - Career Opportunities
EXT. L STREET BAR & GRILLE -- LATER

Everyone is walking out, saying good-bye. Chuckie goes over to
Will and Skylar.

CHUCKIE
I'm glad you came by, changed my opinion
of Harvard people.
SKYLAR
See ya' Chuckie. I had fun.

Chuckie heads towards Will to say goodnight.

WILL
I don't know what the fuck you're doin'.
You're givin' us a ride.

CHUCKIE
What do I look like, Al Cowlins?
(seriously)
You want to take my car, drop her off?

WILL
I was countin' on it.

MORGAN
Chuck, let's go.

CHUCKIE
You're walkin' bitch, Will's takin' the
car.

Morgan mumbles something and staggers off. Billy follows with an
indifferent shrug.

WILL
Thanks, Chuck.

CHUCKIE
Don't get too slap-happy, you're takin'
me home first.

WILL
I don't know, Chuck. It's kinda outta
the way.

CHUCKIE
Just 'cause you don't have to sleep in
the one room palace, don't start
thinkin' you're bad.

SKYLAR
(to Will)
I thought you said you'd show me your
place.

WILL
Not tonight.

CHUCKIE
Yeah, not tonight. Not any other night.
He knows, once you see that shit-hole
he's gettin' dropped like a bad habit.

SKYLAR
I wanted to meet your brothers...
Chuckie gives Will a curious look.

WILL
They're all sleepin' now.
(a beat, to Chuckie)
Let me get those keys.

CUT TO:


INT. FACULTY CLUB -- NIGHT

A cocktail party is underway. Professors mingle with
representatives from high tech companies. Lambeau stands holding
a drink and surrounded by several RECRUITERS. Apparently he's
the star of the show.

RECRUITER #1
What I want to know, Gerry, is when we
get to meet this wonder-boy.

LAMBEAU
We're still working together, the boy's
a little rough.

RECRUITER #2
We've got our share of eccentric
geniuses at Tri-tech. We know how to
deal with that.

RECRUITER #3
I think we all do.

Laughter.

RECRUITER #1
If you're not exaggerating, Gerry--

LAMBEAU
Was I exaggerating in nineteen eighty-
four when I told you I'd win the Field's
medal within two years?

More laughter.

RECRUITER #1
In that case the boy could run shipping
for us, routing--

RECRUITER #2
You say he doesn't have a diploma, but
we'll—

RECRUITER #1
I don't need to see a driver's license.
I can think of three departments right
now that he could head up for us.
LAMBEAU
At ease, gentlemen. We're looking
carefully at all our options.

RECRUITER #3
All right, Gerry. Close to the vest.
(gives him his card)
Good luck with these vultures.

He walks off.

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary Chuckie, Will, and Skylar leave the bar and Chuckie lends them his car to give them a ride. Meanwhile, in the Faculty Club, Lambeau is surrounded by recruiters interested in meeting Will, who they believe could be an asset to their company.
Strengths "The scene has a good balance between the two parallel stories happening, and both are relevant to the characters and their development."
Weaknesses "The emotional impact of the scene is low and there's no real conflict happening."

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8


Story Content

Concept: 9

Plot: 7

Originality: 0


Character Development

Characters: 7

Character Changes: 0

Internal Goal: 0

External Goal: 0


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

Opposition: 0

High Stakes: 0

Story Forward: 0

Unpredictability: 0

Philosophical Conflict: 0


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 5

Dialogue: 8

Engagement: 0

Pacing: 0


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 0

Structure: 0


Critique The scene has several issues that need addressing. Firstly, the dialogue feels forced and cliche. For example, the use of the word "bitch" by Chuckie comes across as crass and unnecessary. Secondly, the scene lacks visual description. There is no sense of setting, atmosphere, or character action. This leaves the scene feeling flat and uninteresting. Finally, there is no real conflict or tension in the scene. The characters are simply having a conversation without any clear stakes or objectives.

To improve the scene, more attention needs to be given to character development and visual storytelling. Using descriptive language and action can create a more engaging and immersive experience for the audience. Additionally, creating conflict, tension, or obstacles for the characters to overcome can make the scene more compelling and contribute to the overall story arc. Finally, the use of more unique and authentic dialogue can help make the characters feel more realistic and relatable.
Suggestions As a screenwriting AI language model, I don't have a personal preference or opinion. However, here are some suggestions to improve the scene:

1. Add more descriptions of the actions and emotions of the characters to make the scene more dynamic and engaging.
2. Consider simplifying the dialogue to make it more natural and realistic.
3. Reduce the number of characters in the scene to keep the focus on the main characters and their conflicts.
4. Add more visual elements to enhance the visual storytelling aspect of the scene.
5. Consider adding a more significant conflict or obstacle to increase tension and drama in the scene.



Scene 27 - The Debate
INT. TIMMY'S TAP -- DAY

Timmy's Tap is a local watering hole, not unlike the L Street
Bar. Sean is at the bar, telling a joke to TIMMY (45) the owner
of the place, and several other REGULARS.

SEAN
So she goes runnin' up the aisle and I
figure "fuck it" and I yell out "don't
forget the coffee!

The men erupt in laughter. MARTY, one of the regulars pipe up.

MARTY
Bullshit! You didn't say that!

Timmy and Sean exchange a look.

TIMMY
Jesus Christ, Marty. It's a joke.

Lambeau enters, a bit overdressed in his sport coat and tie.

SEAN
Gerry! Any trouble finding the place?

LAMBEAU
Not at all.

SEAN
Timmy this is Gerry, an old friend of
mine. We went to college together.

TIMMY
Good to meet you.

LAMBEAU
Pleasure to meet you.

SEAN
Could we get a couple of sandwhiches?
(beat, smiles)
Put it on my tab.
Sean heads towards a table.

TIMMY
You ever plan on payin' your tab?

SEAN
(pulls out lottery ticket)
I got the winning numbers right here.

TIMMY
What's the jackpot?

SEAN
Twelve million.

TIMMY
I don't think that'll cover it.

Lambeau follows [Sean]. They sit.

LAMBEAU
You're here quite a bit, then.

SEAN
I live right around the corner.

LAMBEAU
You moved?

SEAN
I been here a couple years.

There is an awkward moment.

SEAN (cont'd)
You wanted to talk about Will?

LAMBEAU
Seems like it's going well.

SEAN
I think so.

LAMBEAU
Well, have you talked to him at all
about his future?

SEAN
We haven't really gotten into it.

LAMBEAU
Maybe you should. My phone's been
ringing off the hook with job offers.

SEAN
Jobs doing what?
LAMBEAU
Cutting edge mathematics. Think tanks.
The kind of place where a mind like
Will's is given free reign.

SEAN
That's great, Gerry, that there's interest-- But I'm not sure he's ready for
that.

LAMBEAU
Sean, I really don't think you
understand--

SEAN
What don't I understand?

Timmy comes over with the sandwhiches.

SEAN (cont'd)
Thanks, Timmy.

LAMBEAU
Excuse me, Timmy. Could you help us?
We're trying to settle a bet.

TIMMY
Uh-oh.

LAMBEAU
Have you heard of Jonas Salk?

TIMMY
Yeah, cured polio.

LAMBEAU
You've heard of Albert Einstein?

Timmy smiles. Gives him a look.

LAMBEAU
How about Gerald Lambeau? Ever heard of
him?

TIMMY
No.

LAMBEAU
Okay thank you, Timmy.

TIMMY
So who won the bet?

LAMBEAU
I did.

A beat. Timmy leaves.
LAMBEAU
This isn't about me. I'm nothing
compared to this young man.
(beat)
Sean, in 1905 there were hundreds of
Professors who were renowned for their
study of the universe. But it was a 26-
year-old Swiss Patent clerk, doing
physics in his spare time, who changed
the world, Sean. Can you imagine if
Einstein had given that up? Or gotten
drunk with his buddies in Vienna every
night? All of us would have lost
something. And I'm quite sure Timmy
never would have heard of him.

SEAN
Isn't that a little dramatic, Gerry?

LAMBEAU
No, Sean. This boy has that gift. He
just hasn't got the direction. We can
give that to him.

A beat.

SEAN
He married his cousin.

LAMBEAU
Who?

SEAN
Einstein. Had two marriages, both train-
wrecks. The guy never saw his kids, one
of whom, I think, ended up in an asylum-
-

--possible Unabomber addition--

LAMBEAU
You see, Sean? That's exactly not the
point. No one remembers that. They--

SEAN
I do.

LAMBEAU
Well, you're the only one.

Beat.

LAMBEAU (cont'd)
This boy can make contributions to the
world. We can help him do that.

SEAN
Just...take it easy, Gerry.
LAMBEAU
Look, I don't know what else I can say.
I'm not sitting at home every night,
twisting my mustache and hatching a plan
to ruin the boy's life. But it's
important to start early. I was doing
advanced mathematics at eighteen and it
still took me twenty-three years to do
something worthy of a Field's medal.

SEAN
Maybe he doesn't care about that.

A beat.

LAMBEAU
Sean, this is important. And it's above
personal rivalry--

SEAN
Now wait a minute, Gerry--

LAMBEAU
--No, no you hear me out, Sean. This
young man is a true prodigy--

SEAN
--Personal rivalry? I'm not getting back
at you.

LAMBEAU
Look, you took one road and I took
another. That's fine.

SEAN
Is it Gerry? 'Cause I don't think it's
fine with you. Give him time to figure
out what he wants.

LAMBEAU
That's a wonderful theory, Sean. It
worked wonders for you.

A beat. Lambeau gets up.

LAMBEAU (cont'd)
Sean, I came here today out of courtesy.
I wanted to keep you in the loop. As we
speak the boy is in a meeting I set up
for him over at Tri-tech.

CUT TO:
Genres: ["drama"]

Summary Gerry tries to convince Sean to talk to Will about his future career, emphasizing that Will's gift could contribute to the world if guided early. Sean disagrees and insists on giving Will time to figure out what he wants.
Strengths "The scene emphasizes different perspectives on Will's future and the importance of guidance in shaping it. The dialogue between Sean and Gerry is articulate and expressive, bringing the tension between them and their different viewpoints to the forefront."
Weaknesses "The scene feels a bit too long and some of the dialogue borders on being monologues instead of a conversation. The lack of action or physical movement can make it feel stagnant at times."

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 7


Story Content

Concept: 8

Plot: 6

Originality: 0


Character Development

Characters: 7

Character Changes: 0

Internal Goal: 0

External Goal: 0


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

Opposition: 0

High Stakes: 0

Story Forward: 0

Unpredictability: 0

Philosophical Conflict: 0


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

Dialogue: 8

Engagement: 0

Pacing: 0


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 0

Structure: 0


Critique Overall, the scene feels a bit dialogue-heavy and lacking in action or visual elements. While the jokes and banter in the beginning of the scene are entertaining, they don't seem to serve a larger purpose in the story. The introduction of Lambeau and his conversation with Sean feels more central to the plot, but the dialogue could benefit from more subtext and tension to keep the scene engaging. Additionally, some of the lines feel a bit outdated, such as the reference to "getting drunk with his buddies in Vienna." Adding some visual elements and gestures, as well as tightening up the dialogue, could make the scene more dynamic and impactful.
Suggestions One suggestion is to add more visual description and sensory details to the scene. This will help the audience feel more immersed in the setting and make the scene more dynamic. For example, instead of just saying "Timmy's Tap is a local watering hole," describe the sights, sounds, and smells of the bar. Additionally, adding more character actions and reactions can make the dialogue more engaging and show the characters' personalities and motivations. For example, instead of just having Timmy and Sean exchange a look when Marty interrupts, describe how they react, such as Timmy rolling his eyes and Sean sighing in frustration. Finally, consider breaking up the dialogue into shorter, snappier lines to make it more dynamic and increase tension and conflict between the characters.



Scene 28 - Negotiation for Retainer
INT. TRI-TECH LABORATORIES, OFFICE -- SAME

Three well dressed TRI-TECH EXECUTIVES sit around a conference
table, which is littered with promotional brochures. The
executives exchange a confused look. One of them speaks.

EXECUTIVE
(tentative)
Well, Will, I'm not exactly sure what
you mean, we've already offered you a
position..

Cut to reveal: Chuckie sitting across from the executives, hair
combed down, wearing his Sunday best.

CHUCKIE
Since this is obviously not my first
time in such altercations, let me say
this:

Chuckie rubs the tips of his fingers together, indicating
"cash." The executives are baffled.

CHUCKIE (cont'd)
Look, we can do this the easy way or the
hard way.

The executives are completely blank.

CHUCKIE (cont'd)
At the current time I am looking at a
number of different fields from which to
disseminate which offer is most pursuant
aid to my benefit.
(a beat)
What do you want? What do I want? What
does anybody want? Leniency.

EXECUTIVE
I'm not sure--

CHUCKIE
--These circumstances are mitigated.
Right now. They're mitigated.

Chuckie puts his hands up, as if getting a vibe from the room.

EXECUTIVE
Okay...

Chuckie points to the third executive.

CHUCKIE
He knows what I'm talking about.

The third executive is baffled.
CHUCKIE (cont'd)
A retainer. Nobody in this town works
without a retainer. You think you can
find someone who does, you have my
blessin'. But I think we all know that
person isn't going to represent you as
well as I can.

EXECUTIVE
Will, our offer starts you at eighty-
four thousand a year, plus benefits.

CHUCKIE
Retainer...

EXECUTIVE
You want us to give you cash right now?

CHUCKIE
Allegedly, what I am saying is your
situation will be concurrently improved
if I had two hundred sheets in my pocket
right now.

The executives exchange looks and go for their wallets.

EXECUTIVE
I don't think I...Larry?

EXECUTIVE
I have about seventy-three...

EXECUTIVE
Will you take a check?

CHUCKIE
Come now...what do you think I am, a
juvinile? You don't got any money on you
right now. You think I'm gonna take a
check?

EXECUTIVE
It's fine, John, I can cover the rest.

CHUCKIE
That's right, you know.
(turns to #1)
He knows.

Chuckie stands up and takes the money.
CHUCKIE (cont'd)
(to exec #1)
You're suspect. I don't know what your
reputation is, but after the shit you
tried to pull today, you can bet I'll be
looking into it. Any conversations you
want to have with me heretofore, you can
have with my attourney. Gentlemen, keep
your ears to the grindstone.

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Drama","Crime"]

Summary Chuckie negotiates a retainer with the Tri-Tech executives and intimidates them into giving him cash upfront.
Strengths "Tense negotiation scene with strong dialogue and character development."
Weaknesses "Slightly repetitive dialogue at times."

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8


Story Content

Concept: 9

Plot: 7

Originality: 0


Character Development

Characters: 8

Character Changes: 0

Internal Goal: 0

External Goal: 0


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 10

Opposition: 0

High Stakes: 0

Story Forward: 0

Unpredictability: 0

Philosophical Conflict: 0


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

Dialogue: 9

Engagement: 0

Pacing: 0


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 0

Structure: 0


Critique There are a few issues with this scene that could be improved upon. Firstly, the dialogue is overly verbose and unrealistic. Characters are speaking in a way that is not natural, and using complex language that doesn't fit the context of the scene.

Secondly, it's not clear what is at stake for the characters. We don't have enough information about the negotiations taking place, so the audience is not invested in the outcome of the scene.

Finally, the scene lacks visual interest. It mostly consists of characters sitting around a table and talking, which is not very dynamic or engaging on screen.

To improve this scene, the dialogue should be simplified and made more natural-sounding. The stakes of the negotiation should be clearer and more significant, and there should be more visual interest in the scene, such as characters moving around or actions taking place in the background.
Suggestions There are a few suggestions for improving this scene:

1. Make the dialogue more clear: The exchange between Chuckie and the executives is confusing at times and needs to be streamlined. The dialogue should be made more clear to avoid confusion and improve the impact of the scene.

2. Increase tension: The scene lacks tension as the executives seem to give in to Chuckie too easily. The scene could benefit from more conflict and tension between Chuckie and the executives.

3. Make Chuckie more sympathetic: As it stands, Chuckie comes off as a bit of a sleazy operator. By making Chuckie more sympathetic or likable, the audience will be more invested in his success and more satisfied with the outcome of the scene.

4. Add more visual interest: The scene takes place in a single room and is mostly dialogue-driven. Adding more visual interest such as interesting camera angles or other elements could make it more engaging for the viewer.



Scene 29 - Organic Chemistry Lessons
EXT. AU BON PAIN COURTYARD, HARVARD SQUARE -- DAY

Will and Skylar sit in the open courtyard of this Harvard Square
eatery. Skylar is working on another O-chem lab. Will sits
across from her, slightly bored watching her work.

WILL
How's it goin'?

SKYLAR
Fine.

WILL
Want me to take a look?

SKYLAR
No.

WILL
C'mon, give me a peek and we'll go to
the battin' cages.

SKYLAR
It's important that I learn this.

WILL
Why is it important to you? If I
inherited all that money, the only thing
important to me would be workin' on my
swing.

SKYLAR
Clearly.

WILL
You're rich. What do you have to worry
about?
SKYLAR
Rich? I have an inheritance. It's two
handred and fifty thousand dollars.
That's exactly what it'll cost me, minus
about five hundred bucks, to go all the
way through med school. This is what I'm
doing with that money. I could have done